davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
NOBODY KNOWS

When a girl expects her COL
lege-hoy fiance to be able to
support her. .,
Why Noah didn't take two fliv.
vers with him in the ark.
Why the police department
doesn't employ women detectives
when giving prisoners the third
degree,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
TEAR UNCLE PETE:

- Enclosed is an invitation to
Helen's wedding at the church.
We are not sending you an inyi.
tation to the reception afterward.
as we know we could count on
you for a handsome present any
way. We plan to feed only those
who are on the doubtful hst-and
you will admit that your appetite
Is enormous. Love to all,
MORRIS CHAIR.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
GOLD BRICKS

A fireman without a match.
The man who doesn't laugh
when you tell him the smart things
your kid said.
Folks who sit in the back seat
of the car and tell US how to
drive.
The person who begins all his
sentences with the pronoun SCI -
The dame who explains to you
Why her baby didn't take the
sirst prize at the baby show.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
WE WISH

That everybody was centipede
and that we were the only manu-
facturers Of corn piasters.
That we had an ash receiver
that never had to be emptied.
That folks would economic on
castor oil and not on ice cream.
That they'd only allow padded
milk bottles to be used on Sun
day mornings.
That our gas meter would get
the heebie geebies.
That for a Christmas present
somebody would give us a receipt
from our tailor's or our butchers.
That kind persons wouldn't re-
mind us we're getting fat.
That somebody would tell the
woman in the apartment below
US that practice won't improve
her voice.
That money was as hard to
spend as it is to earn.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

1t speaks very well for the adj
vance of civilization in this coun-
try that when people are found
dead in bathtubs it isn't always
Saturday night.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

Owing to the shortage Of doc
tors in rural districts quito few
farmers still retain their tonslls,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

Most clam chowder tastes as II
the clam were there not to favor
Il, but Just to christen it.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

~ IRLs who marry titles arc
- like those who carry home
~ library books. They fire.
quently find that the titles are
misleading.
When a woman decides to re-
duce she ia generally about twcn-
ty pounds late In making up her
mind.
1t speaks very well for the adj
vance of civilization in this coun-
try that when people are found
dead in bathtubs 1t isn't always
Saturday night.
Most clam chowder tastes as IL
the clam were there not to favor
Il, but Just to christen it.
Owing to the shortage Of doc.
tors in rural districts quite q few
farmers still retain their tonslls.
When the customers begii. to
count their change the proprietor
Of the restaurant starts to look
around for a new cashier.
If it came to choice, we'd
rather associate with people who
drop their aitohes than those who
drop their I o U's.
A stenographer who is always
the last to arrive can't square
herself by being the first to leave.
In 800 years, says a scientist.
We won't be able to produce as
much as we can eat. Some OF us
can't do that now.
A poet who is welded to his
art can never be accused of mar
fying for money.
A bathing suit manufacturer has
retired with a fortune of $4,000
900. Doubles she acquired i by
conservative methods.
Sometimes II seems as If the
quickest road to wealth is to sell
to people who can't afford IL some
thing they don't want.
z When some people speak Ut los
ing money through bad invest
ments they mean that the chew
ing gum slot machine failed to
work.
Twenty years ago women want
ed to be decently dressed, nova
days they want to be dressed like
other women.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

When woman decides to re-
duce she ia generally about twcn-
ty pounds late In making up her
nnind.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
EHRIEND BoZO:

= My wife told me to invite
you to our crossword puzzle party
because you are the only guy in
the block who owns al big diction-
airy. If you have lost it, dom
bother to come. We have ar
ranged for you I'd sit at a table
with three old maids because the
other guests said they wouldn't
come If they had to sit with you.
Regards,
BEN ZINE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
GRINS AND
GROWLS
BY Lisle Bell.

~ iris who marry titles arc
- like those who carry home
~ library books. They fire.
quently find that the titles are
rlnfalaa ding
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

When the customers begii. to
count their change the proprietor
Of the restaurant starts to look
around for q new cashier.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

That kind persons wouldn't re
mind us we're getting fat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

Twenty years ago women want
ed to be decently dressed, nova
days they want to be dressed like
other women.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

That our gas meter would get
the heebie geebies.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

When some people speak Ut los
ing money through bad invest
ments they mean that the chew
ing gum slot machine faiitd to
work.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

&C Makes You Feel
@.0.0 Ole Yourself Again
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

If it came to a choice, we'd
rather associate with people who
drop their aitches than those who
drop their I O U's.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31
UNCENSORED
INVITES
BY Les ConkIin.
nEAR MR.. BRIsTLE:

~ You are invited to attend.
the next smoker Of the Maahie
Golf Club, at which the members
will give you the o1ce-over before
voting on your application for
membership A great many OF us
consider you as a terrible frost
but your bank account has made
a hit with the treasurer because
we need funds for q new club
house. Bring your checkbooh with
you. Yours. truly.
HOLE N. PARR. Secretary.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

That money was as hard to
spend as it is to earn.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

Sometimes 1t seems as If the
quickest road to wealth is t. sell
to people who can't afford ii some
thing they don't want.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

A bathing suit manufacturer has
retired with a fortune of $4,000
900. Doubles she acquired i by
conservative methods.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

A stenographer who is always
the last to arrive can't square
herself by being the first to leave.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

A poet who is welded to his
art can never be accused of mar
fying for money.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

In 800 years, says a scientist.
We won't be able to produce as
much as we can eat. Some Of us
can't do that now.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

That folks would economic on
castor oil and not on ice cream.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-31

That we had an ash receiver
that never had to be emptied.
, 1924-02-28
biggest ACHIEVEMENT. SAYS MAYOR

brings to successful conclusion a matter that has occupied public interest for more
than two decades. In my mind this is the most important single event in the his
tory of the city of Rawins; and It's with distinct pride that find my name upon
thee tyS books as Mayor at so outstanding Il tmc Surely my administration can
claim nj more creft for what the city has achieved than other administrations pre-
ceding it Surely my predecessor DR. kN, deserves the gratitude of this entire
community But our new water system has been more the natural growth of a de
delopng commonwealth than the result of effort by certain groups of persons To
the City itself belongs the praise And to the City itself will go the real reward of
cear, pure spring water in abundance
ROBERT H. HOPKINS, Mayo.
, 1924-02-28

that a single Individual should have
caukered the principles OF republic
canism In an enlightened people lust
emerged from the CULTS Of d]espotism
and should have carried his designs
against public liberty so far as to
have put In jeopardy its very eNis-
touce, Such, however. are the facts.
and with them staring us in the face
this day ought To be a JUBILEE in
the United States"
II was the fashion In those days
for politicians to contribute articles
to the press Of their own party over
such fetching signatures as Amer
icus,' PRO Bono Publico.' "Atti-
GUS "Old Soldier" and the like.
"a Calm Obscrver"-said To be
John Bocklcy. clerk Of the House
to
the New York journal "a circumstau-
tial statement the import OF which
was that Washington had embezgled
public funds. John Bach McMaster
discovered "a obscure partisan who
accused Washington OF having com
mitted murder at least once.
Time wal wheu he INDUCED in
manly walk and rode the generous
steod said another and now TO
behold him on horseback or afuot
DIS u subject OF remark The conceal
Ing carriage, drawn by supcruum,r-
airy horses, expresses the President
The fact that Washington was above
sixty wears Of age might have had
something 10 do with this preference
for the concoaling carriage. but the
accuser doesn't refer To that.
"Troachorous In private friend
ship and a hypocrito In public life.
tn" world Will be puzzled 10 dccid.
whether you are m apoEt1te or an
impost"r. whether you law" abau-
doucd good principles or never had
any" declared "a supposedly good
at onC time From these
statements Il would seem that public
10" nearly always pays the price OF
criiicism-lust or unjust,
The meeting Was also taken up by
a consideration Of parliamentary law.
much TO the delight and instruction
OF members,
, 1924-02-28

was not ready for 30 lars. n scheme.
The weight of public sentiment
cam. into full play about i've or
tire. years ago. however. and def
mite action was taken by tn. Rotary
and Lions clubs In cooperation with
the Board OF Trade 10 bring tho mat.
tor 10 point Of issue with the people
themselves. Every effort was mad,
by Interested citizens who desired a
bigger. better RawiinH To make the
issue n popular one. TIL. success Of
their efforts was most adequately
shown by an overwhelming vote In
favor OF the passage OF n bond issue
OF $4,000 TO he used in construct
inr the system. This iaHu. bears an
interest rate OF sis per cent and may
be- retired a, any TIM. after IL years.
coming absolutely due thirty years
from date of issue. A sinking fund
IL provided for the retirement Of
these bonds. Late In November of
last year II WAS found that. with the
project only about 7s per cent com.
pie,.d. additional funds would he re-
duired TO prevent Judgment being
secured against the city. the con.
tracing parties having expended far
more than the original 100000 due
to finding 10000 feet of rock dig.
Ring In place Of the estimated 1000
and an average head" OF Internal
pressure per square inch Of 30
, 1924-02-28
ENTERPRISE
REWARDED ABUNDANTLY
DAY IN and DAY OUT FOR DECADES TO COME CITY WILL find
ITS REWARD IN CLEANLINESS, COMFORT
and BETTER HEALTH

Water, the cheapest thing OF earth the substance by whch tme fpmhs of the earth
is covered is flowing owar RawHns and n Who'll town rejnesl Waite, that eug
ling hope for next springs flowers and shrubs which will be planted in abundance in Raw
Inns filing the nile of mg mains as fast as n crew of % workmen can adjust the iron
banded slaves to PRESSURE conditions md when that's stream flows into the city mains mem
selves awhns will finished its biggest municipal job so far in its history
Very little praise will be given the Gryf for ms:. for citizens are not gn to paung
on the back and citizens of oer towns never AN apppcacn the efmtso of com
munHhes other than their own. tut Rrwhns will be rewarded in ample degree Trees
lawns,s shrubs that enrich houses as settings do jewels, to make them into things of beauty,
flowers vegetable gardens all these will. reward Bawhns next summer and tn. summers 10
follow. Cleanliness will no more be such a drudge fort The housewife. and no longer "A spec
TIRE of torment for early youth With they very abundant vdune of sparkling water flowing
into the big nk tive niles southwe of town the Department of public Works will
, 1924-02-28
OF
MOTORISTS AID
SAFETY PROGRAM

u,to, c,,.or Ma, w.,
w"
'i'y' recently FORMED what Is known
ms the Argus Association. composed
of motorists nil oyer the country who
-. ,.u,,,. - a 49,. a..
~ ~
association as 10 saie ufi'ihs' ihese
pledges are:
/. To be always ready for n
by Keeping my eyes on
the road and my thoughts on what I
am doing.
. To ,~,r,tc,i,,,y w,,.h o,,, ,or
.,ry.s rn.sinrs ang hria,nx ~"
10 always Keep my car "h"er
p'ri''' eo"''"''
I. To keep the brakes and steer
Ing gear In good working order.
6. Never TO stop or slow down
without s~ignaiing TO the driver OF
the car behind.
, 1924-02-28

WAS SUBJECT
OF ISLANDERS

That George Washington, tho
great patriot whom history regards
almost more than any other public
figure as being spOtlcHs, had SANDER
TO contend with. was brought out by
William II. Hunt at last Thursdays
meeting OF the local Lions club,
Cub Hunt prcfaccd his remarks
on the subject OF George Washington
sowing that certain excerpts from
the Saturday Evening Post Of Feb
Tuary 10th. which he was about TO
read to his fellow members, were
especially interesting at this time
when. because OF the Teapot Dome
scandal We are wont to believe that
the nation was so corrupt .
now. The Father OF his Country
had attacks OF the most bitter cal
umny directed at him: but his mOm-
DRY lived and he b. now regarded as
n spotless example for the nation
In fact, Mr Hunt declared, for the
purpose Of history Washington car
eor Is almost too free from human
traits OF fallacy. The speaker then
went on TO read certain extracts from
the Post article entitled The Sport
ing Theory OF Politics" The follow
ing statements were made by con
tomporarios OF Washington;
Every heart In unison with the
freedom and happiness OF the people
ought to boa, high with oSulthtipn
that the name OF Washington ceases
from this day To give currency 10
political iniguity and legalizcd cor-
ruption. when a retrospect
~ taken OF the WashinEtonian Ad-
ministrgtion for eight years II 10 a
subject Of the greatest astoniuhm"Ht
, 1924-02-28

tho Sage creek basin 20 the reservoir
Just outside town. only SERVING 10
satisfy all parties concerned OF M"
Nart nature OF their problem. For
practical purposes a survey by ON
p.tont engineers was all that waH re-
quircd, and this was made.
There In no unpreiudiccd opinion
In Raglins today which does not CON
cur that this city'H funds have been
expended an carefully as possible In
bringing this great project TO a sue
c.Hsful close.
Such Ia the history. in part. Of =
program destined so have n great in
~flu.nce upon the future OF itaslins
II In a history that viii soon be for
gotten or only recalled by means Of
the written record. hut tho result
Of those acts which make up this his
'ory-thc water system i,self=is
destined to remain to ftawlina for
many decades. reminding the city Of
1850 Of the ind ,s,ry OF the city Of
is23.
, 1924-02-28

lecting springs was not practicable
and the same had to be discontinued
until spring. However, about so per
cent of the minimum flow of the
springs was secured and Is now com
ing down the main line. The remain
der OF the Basin work will require
probably a month or six weeks TO
complete.
A large mount of blck-filling re
mains to be done on the main line
and Basin lines. which. however, VIII
be completed with the balance of the
work.
, 1924-02-28
MASTER
TO BE FEATURE
AT ELkS DANCE

A. a special attraction for the
dance at the Elks' Home next Fri
day evening. The Elka' Social and
Community Welfare committee has
secured the services OF Prot Victor
sod.rHtrom to give an exhibition In
dancing. Prof soderHtrom IL at this
tim, conducting n class In dancing
In Rawiins and on account OF the
enthusiasm displayed by the mem
bars OF this class. tho committee has
arranged FOR this sentleman's sery-
ices as a special attraction for the
dance on Friday evening.
, 1924-02-28

be able to maintain a sprinkling Sys-
ten II is not too much to predict
that In u few short years the color
scheme OF this city will be changed
from brown to green. and that Raw
Inns Will become n city noted for It's
homes as well ar n place where In
dus,ry In.
within u month. then. ia~lins
viii have completed it's greatest mt
nicipai task. Hut more than this. Il
will have demonstrated its ability TO
accomplish programs OF great re-
AponHibilitieH. In putting through n
projec, costing &s3o.o00. a city OF
lons than 10000 population may
properly boast Of having done a
unique thing.
Criticism has been rife from
many Hourcc.. In effect that the city
has delayed entirely too long before
taking action upon Its most crying
need. but the Job was too great .
onc to be undertaken by that small
and struggling Rawiins pioneer.
knew That the willingness for pub
lie improvement has been here and
alive through the years IL shown by
the fact that talk Of bringing Sage
creek spring water into town ~as
started more than twenty years ago.
Until its recent period Of Industrial
and commercial expansion the city
, 1924-02-28
WHAT DID CITY
GET MONEY
IN NEW SYSTEM

When the citizen OF Rawlins
thinks of what was received for the
S630.000 which has just been spent
for the city's great water system he
usually thinks In terms of gallons of
water. or how much yerdure can be
grown from Its use. or how good
the new water will taste compared
to that from the old system. But the
vouchers signed by those having
charge of public funds tell n differ
ent story. They. together with sup
porting estimates and data showing
AMOUNT OF materials received, tell
us that In spending this none the
city got SO much wood stave pipe.
SO much gross OF Iron bands. so
much iron pipe, labor. n the ike.
The followig data compiled by
Engineer McMechan, while not COM
piete In all respects. makes interest
ing reading:
Rawiins Water Work,
Mains laid north OF railroad track:
4o23 II. 6 In. cast iron pipe; 3i35 II.
10 inch cast iron pipe. 36t& II. IL
inch cast iron pipe.
Pipe laid In Merrill and other ad-
ditions. 22tO feet IL inch cast iron
pipe.
Fifiy-two valves and is fire by
drants have been Installed on this
project, leaving eight more fire by
drants and various fittings TO be In
stalled.
There has been Installed by the
City on other work 7S2 feet 4 inch
asst iron pipe. four valves md four
fire hydrants.
Commencing At Spush Side 81 Merrill
Addition
~ miles IL Inch continuous ntavc
~ood pip. to new 100000 gallon
steel tank.
IN miles 1: In continuous s,ave
. miles II inch continuous stavr
wood p!pc.
26. miles 10 In continuous rtaye
wood pip. 10 junction valve box In
Sage Creek basin. making a total
length OF main pipe line Of u miles.
Capacity OF main pipe line: 800
900 gallons per day.
kax~ Cr~~k 1lasin ILnr~ and Spring.
81 miles machine banded WOO
pipe ranging In size from > Inch TO
~ inch.
81 springs collected In IL concrete
ooxcs, Three more springs 10 bc
coalected In four or five NOR. boxes,
Abost $500 feet Of tile collection
tines Installed. Probably 1000 feet
more Of tile will BE- required TO com
piste this work.
On account Of had weather eondi-
iions. compleooa Of ali work Of col
, 1924-02-28

mercial expansion of the last few
years, offers an unusual security to
holders of its paper. Rawlins, fin
ancially, is on the map; it is a factor
in Wyoming industry that must be
considered it is a city of potential
tiles. That is what the sale of those
40 bonds at a figure well above
par indicates. If Rawlins was with
out adequate water supply of a suit
, 1924-02-28

ABOVE PAR
SHOW CITY GROWTH

When the City of Rawins, represented by its Board of
Trustees in regular meeting assembled, sold the second water
bond issue of $4,000 for $143,750 to a Denver bonding house
1t sold its pledge for future payment at a figure above par for.
the first time in history. Those watching the destinies of
this thriving city point to that fact as having considerable.
significance for the future of Rawlins. Outside capital has
faith in the ability of Rawlins to pay. 1t has more: it knows.
that in addition to merely paying for these bonds upon the
date that they fall due, Rawlins through industrial and com
, 1924-02-28

entire county greatly, and Rawlins
would be witnessing hundreds
of thousands and millions of gallons
of surplus water going into the
Platte river without producing a
penny of profit for the community
which brought it down from Sage
Greek Basin. Planning for the flu
ture, those directly responsible for
the new water system directed to be
built a system large enough to sup
ply every need of Il RawlinS twice
, 1924-02-28

able nature her bonds would GO beg
ging-at least, would be denied the
the ready sale witnessed at that city
meeting early last December. And
when this city wishes to attract in
dustry within its gates it will pos
sess the means for making a valua-
BILE bid. Its water supply is placed
near the head of the list in any
city's prospectus.
, 1924-02-28

pounds Instead OF the estimated 60
pounds
untii the true facts of tn. zitua-
ton were made entirely clear To the
voting public much criticism was d.
rcctod against tn" men responsible"
for spending tn. city'a money on this
project hut complete publicity con
yincod tn. people that their agents In
tn. matter had acted wisely mi in
the best interests OF the city. and Tn.
additional $4,000 necessary TO
complct. the system was voted upon
nj n special election last December
s7th. The balio,inE a, this election
also convinced tho administration
that the Who'll. people was behind
their project. and that Haslina
would compl.t. the system Tho III.
end of tho world was In sight There
were 40 votes cas-, upon this occa
sion. with hut one dissenting yot.
recorded. Many persons folt that n
flat prize. should have beet Hpoci-
fled In the city'u contract with The
wailnnd Engineering Co. the Den.
yer concern winning the bid for con
s,ruciion of the system This. 4, was
pointed out. would have n.ceusi,atad
III. spending of several thousand dol
lars for preliminary surveys. an alb
.oiu,a overhead cost since II did not
change the character OF tho coun-
try t~raverscd by the big main from
, 1924-02-28

its present size. This means a great
surplus now. Parco needs that pure
spring water-and paid a price
which will mount and mount because
of volume consumption, until Raw
Inns is materially aided in paying for
her water project. She merely
bought her system at half price. And
the contract with Parco Is the stop
per which plugged the leak and made
that purchase possible.
, 1924-02-28

On account Of had weather eondi-
lions. complseoa Of eli work Of col