davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
cAGa2ONCIES ENW1x OYER
A TALE OF TWO NECKTIEs

(The action takes place in a pile of neck tics at department store bargain counter The neckties lie about in a state of helpless ness as the curtain rises. They have had a hard day and they look it. The First Necktle very loud bizarre thing with the color to right and opens conversation with the Sec ond necktie, plain, conservative tie in excep' tionally good taste.)
 First Necktie: How long have you been here?
 Second Necktie: Ever since the sale began
 First Necktie: That's funny You're a good looking tie. plain, but all right. should think some of these shoppers would take you.
 Second Necktie: That's just it. If was a. crazy looking thing like you with green and pink stripes against an orange back ground I'd have 'em fighting for me.
 First Necktie (clearly offended): 1zzat SO?
 Second Necktie: Do you know the chief drawback I'm up against?
 First Necktie: No.
 Second Necktie: I'm a necktie any man would be glad to wear Consequently m just the necktie no woman would pick out to send to any man as a Christmas gift!
 First Necktie: Is it my fault I'm popu- lar?
 Second Necktie: You may be popular now but wait!
 First Necktie: Wait? Second Necktie: Yes; you won't be popu- lar long. After Xmas you'll get an awful jolt, bull-ieve me. Do you know what the great est hate in the world is?
 First Necktie: No. What is it?
 Second Necktie: It's the Hate A Man Feels For most Christmas Neckties. And you and your gay and gaudy friends will feel 1t beginning around Christmas noon
 First Necktie: l nearly got ito nice family a few minutes ago. A sweet looking Jenny almost took me but she passed me up for salmon colored thing with purple and olive dots. For few minutes I saw future for me around the neck of leading citizen.
 Second Necktie: The likes of you will never see the neck of leading citizens unless he was born and raised in some city like Naples.
 First Necktie: Is that so?
 Second Nicktie: You'll be wrapped up in a nice box by some lady with no sense and presented to some gentleman who'll put you away in a bottom drawer. That'l be the last you'll see of him for six months or so and then you'll be dragged out and used to stuff up leak in a waterpipe, or else given to barber or Polish bridegroom.
 First Necktie: I may fool you.
 Second Necktie Oh you may be picked out by some lady who'll send you to some milk and egg dealer in the suburbs accompanied by a card reading ''To Uncle Jeptha with Yule- tide Greetings" He won't know any better than to wear you.
 First Necktie Here I go A woman with mean look is buying me. So long!
 Second Necktie: A woman would have to have mean look to buy you. Now I'll just nestle down here and forget it. Nobodyll want plain, effective, conservative necktie in good taste like me until after Christmas!
 (The only necktie in the pile that a man would wear heaves a sigh and sinks into a deep disconsolate slumber as the curtain falls, hitting 42 hysterical Christmas tie shoppers but unfortunately, not injuring any of them
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Watching The Parade
By JOHN PILGRIM

TT LOOKS as though the Tompkins have
 ahout come to the parting of the ways A Maybe they'll patch it up. But the trou- ble will be patched on Johns terms and not on Katie's, if I know anything about 1t.
 II will not have a wife who comes to breakfast without her stockings on, sad ne
 You should have heard Katie on that topic She proved that she never came without 'em That it didn't make any difference, anyhow That she had no time to put on stockings before breakfast That, anyhow, her hair was usually combed before breakfast. That John is a grouch. That just because he IS so finicky that he always slaves and dresses before he permits himself to be seen Tn the morning is no reason why he should talk that way.
 q tell you." said John, "that l will not have a wife who comes to breakfast without any stockings
 By mid-afternoon Katie could take a prize in beauty show. She has done all the lit tie things that women do to make their beauty positively uncomfortable, and she has put on one of the finest dresses owned on our street and her eyes are bright and she has read up on the topics of the day. It wuold be hard to find finer wife to look at about dinner time. but John seems not to consider that at all. He only repeats:
 Stockings at breakfast. Or goodbye
 I've had slant Katie in dishabille. Once lot of us went on house party and Katie let down the sartorial bars, so to say, and permitted herself to be seen without her ar nor. And she looked like the deuce in the morning. Loose, flying ends, red nose putted eyes, large, sloppy bedroom slippers: In which disarray she came to the buffet break fast in q friends house.
 Wonder what she looks like at home, now that she has been married two years? Poor JOhn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
THE AGRICULTURAL OPPORTUNITY

Mere natural sterility or barrenness of soil is no barrier to its profitable cul- tivation if the soil is tillable. Some of the most productive land is land that naturally is of little fertility. This lis especially true of all our coastal plain, whether on Atlantic, Gulf or Pacific. Garden truck, small fruits, orchards and combinations of these have made good livings for multitudes on farms that were almost barren sands. Some of these re- suits are gained by intelligent applica- tions of commercial fertilizer to such crops as are specially adapted to thin soils. Some farmers have actually, by the addition of humus, built up their lands into a good state of productivity. The point is that intelligence and ex- perience count for more than natural fertility in soils.
 A striking illustration of this is found in a recent story in the Manufacturers
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Forum Of The People

December 17, 1924. Publicity Helped Bessemer Drive. To the Editor of The Age-Herald: I am writing to express the appreciation of the local committee as well as myself as campaign director for the assistance rem dered us and the splendid publicity given us in the recent drive for the completion of the |. M c. A. building. The success of the campaign was in large degree due to the splendid publicity given us by your paper.
 Thanking you again, l am,
 Yours very truly,
 S. A. ACKLEY, Campaign Director Bessemer, Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
The Right Word
ON THE TEST
By W. CURTIS NICHOLSON

ON THE lESI
 Robert H. Knox, teacher In the Indian school Usk, Wash. writes as follows:
 q have watched carefully the corrections you have made on the sentences in the last test and have been very much interested Ill the decisions.
 Tt seems to me that you have made a very deliberate error in your decision on the third sentence, More than one was glad to see me- You say that the sentence is cor rect I maintain that it is not. One IS singular and, according to the rules Of gram mar and according to common sense, more than one is plural The expression thefe- fore. requires a plural verb.'
 "1rhe Right Word" suggests that Mir. Knox refer us to any grammar or dictionary that designates more than one' IS plural. On the other hand, if Mir. Knox will look up the expression under more in Murrays ON1oro dictionary, he will find that more than ore is singular.
 Mir. Knox is correct in maintaining that the shifting about of only in the following sentence changes the meaning of the expres- sion: He said he wished to know only who he expected would be there.
 The correspondent concludes ms letter as follows:
 The eleventh sentence was a catch sen. tence and any one failing to analyze 1t should be marked zero if he failed to get It correct. This sentence is similar to the following Looking from the Cliff House out upon the ocean, a huge rock could De seen.
 The sentence to which MT. Knox refers read as follows: To enjoy walking one shoes should be comfortable. Well, MT. Knox makes it clear that shoes do not enjoy walk ing and that a huge rock does not look from the Cliff House out upon the ocean. The following are correct: To enjoy walking, one should wear comfortable shoes; Looking from the Cliff House out upon the ocean one could see a huge rock.
 Yesterdays Error.
 Wrong: But you amt alone III the s'ahu you take.
 Right: But you are not alone III lne e'"nu tak
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Brief Nature Studies
ERE wild birds on summer mornings
By J. OTIS SWIFT
forest trees form the reredos of great

W chant "Et Incarnatus Cruclflxus'
 w forest trees form the reredos of great stone altars laid in the hillsides and volcanic thunders in Mother Earth's pristine days, the wine of the sunshine and the minerals of the rocks are miraculously turned into living substance.
 The miracle of the incarnation happens when, in the presence of sunshine, the mystic chlorophyll or plant green upon which all our lives depend mixes the primal energy of the sun with the matter fthe earth and makes starch and sugars.
 In winter time of sleep and medltatlon' this great primitive sacrament of Nature T, IS stand in sublime beauty, laid with cloths of moss and lichens those exquisitely colored lowly forms of life that, clothing the naked rocks when they shuddered into light and air from the oceans womb, were the first baby clothes.
 Iichens, dissolving the rocks, made the soil for mosses, plants, forests and animal life to
 live upon. The Spirit Eternal becomes incar- nate in us when we partake of the wine Of sunshine and substance of earth Tn eating flesh or plants made by chlorophyll.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Rut He Did
LITTLE ERNESTS ESSAY

Athletics keep the bud in circulation ware it belongs. They also improve your appetite, even if it is good enuff anyway.
 Swimming is one of the healthest kinds or atholetics. and also one of the most impossi- ole if you don't know how. When you make a dive without splashing you give yourself nlezzure but wen you come down with a fearse flop you give others plezzure.
 Gerls favorite athaletics are playing jacks and skipping rope. which as long as they think they are injoying themselves is prob erly the same thing as having a good time.
 Sliding on the ice is fun as long as you are doing it of your own free will on your own slide and not uniXpectedly on somebody eltSeS.
 body, espeshilly the voice.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
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HerriOt's Advantage.

w yHILE socialists and communists pelted
 W each other with books and inkwells
 w and in some instances grabbed each other by the throat in the French chamber of deputies the radicals drew up motion of confidence in the Herriot government based upon its recent action in expelling some Of the Leninists fsom French soil. In the vio- lent debate between M. Herriot and the diff ferent communist members, one thing stands out forcibly. Herriot knows what he is talk ing about when he condemns the activities of the reds. In some instances he shot back an- swers at his opponents that baffled them for the time being and which, in the end, com pletely silenced them. The threat of the big stick never silences extremists; they rather thrive on it. But when NJ. Herriot shouted at Cachin: "Let me tell you that l have studied Marx and have tried to understand him, and that I find him hopelessly out of date" the red gentleman sat quiet. The Leninists consider themselves orthodox revo- lutionaries. With them Marks Capital is sort of law of Medes and Persians that can- not be changed and is sufficient for each time and generation. As in all cases where doc Urine becomes creedal dogma, the reds them selves have become hide-bound reactionarles, while fondly imagining themselves to make up the vanguard of human progress. Herriot' s strength in his fight with the extremists lies in the fact that he has studied Marx and knows the limitations of Hegelian philosophy, and that he is fully conversant with the psy- chology and theology of the red movement. He can deliver more telling blows at his op- ponents than could be possible with mere threat of violence. The reds would prefer the latter, for that is good propaganda and would bring them a valuable martyr for the cause from time to time.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
SOUNDS WASTED

Prospective farmers are being taught at the Massachusetts Agricultural college how to utilize low-grade fruit that often goes to waste on the farm This has sound of vast ed educational effort. The proposition is too simple. Any of the "Aggie'' students who go into farming after graduation will quickly enough learn to utilize such fruit by selling it at top prices to passing motorists;-Lowell ( COurier-C Citizen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Advice On Marriage
Y DEAR CLARA AND GEORGE-You
MI ask me to give you a little advice as 0 sf artinn unnn YOur hOneYmOOn.
DIR. FRANK CRANE

WI ask me to give you a nttle adVlce as IVA you are starting upon your honeymoon. Nothing is easier. Advising is the best thing do It is practicing that comes hard. I have seen many successful marriages and not few failures Of course, no set Of rlues could indicate with certainty the way of sue cess, because marriage is an adjustment ot two personalities, and personality IS the most intricate and least understood ot subjects. Still, here goes for few hints.
 First let each other alone. Don't under take to rule. Don't attempt to control your partner Respect his Individuality. (And whenever l say "him" I include "her.'D Let him have his own religion politics, tastes, views on art and literature oplnlons aDous baked potatoes, shoes shirts and newspapers. Unity of opinion is impossible unless one party is nonentity. The only kind of union that is workable and can be permanent IS unity in love and service. To seek union Tn tastes, ideas, and beliefs is to insure conten- tion and alienation. So that It you clearly have recognized at the first that each of you lis to live his own life in his own way, you will save your matrimonial craft from ship wreck upon those rocks where nine-tenths Of the disasters occur.
 The Bible says, "Thy twain shall be one flesh" Marriage is a physical oneness 1he soul-mate idea is not only false but dangerous. Two souls can never be one. If they were to become so they would lose thelr charm' Each must retain its Individuality. Your spirit is your own, not your husbands, nor your wifes.
 It is from this difference of personalities that friendship arises. One who always agrees with you, accepts your views as hls own, and in general sneezes when you taKe snuff, sinks to the position Of your slave' your mistress, or your valet To. have some thing like enjoyable friendship there must be an interplay of minds based upon perfect liberty of thought and taste.
 Do not try to probe into each others mind and heart too deeply. Love is matter of faith, not of knowledge. Keep little apart, Respect each others privacy of feeling and opinion. Many love has been killed by an insane desire to tear off all the veils of the lsoul.
 You must believe in each other. You must trust. and that implies that you do not know. Loving your wife or husband is much the same quality as loving God, and the effect of perfect love and confidence in one case is not unlike the other.
 Marriage is always a compromise. It needs daily exercise in conciliation and concession.
 Selfishness is its destruction; selfishness which brings pride and jealousy, stubborn ness and self-pity, and all the maudlin weak nesses that undermine the strength of love. Hence, be yourself, let your partner be him' self or herself, be unselfish and be loyal. Above all cling to love, and do not sacrifice it for any other thing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
HOW HISTORY SHOULD BE TAUGHT

History should be taught not only from the point of view of ones own country, but also from that of foreigners. If history were taught by Frenchmen in England and Englishmen in France, there would be no dis agreements between the two countries be- cause each would understand the others point of vew-Bertrand Russell in the Cen turv MaraZinp
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Faith

Little Dorothea, just four, was in her nursery one Sunday afternoon ironing her dolly's clothes.
 Nurse came in and. in tone of surprise, exclaimed Dottie, don't you know that 1t is sin to do any work on the SabbathE But Dorothea calmly replied: Well, nursie, don't you suppose the good Lord knows this iron isn't hot
 Mrs. L. J. Simon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

With the mercury standing at twenty four below zero in one part of this coun- try, while registering seventy-nine above in another, the average citizen may get some idea of the time it requires to see America first.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

The two Atlanta ladies who have taken up boxing at the respective ages of seventy-seven and eighty years are ap- parently convinced that they have not lost their punch.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
AND NO ALIMONY DUE

The last election gave the Republican par ty ample grounds for divorce from Senator La Toilette on the grounds of desertiOn, cruel and inhuman treatment and non-support.- National Republican.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

uality as are the people of this country.
 When they see that individuality threat ened, they immediately entertain sym pathy for means to counteract the threat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

Proposed inquiries into the alleged leaks in the navy department recall that the official misdoings of those who un- dertook to scuttle the ship of state are still pending settlement
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

Radio is said to be recognized by high British hospital authorities as a treat ment for nerves and insomnia. When the patients get so they can stand it they are discharged as cured.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

The Russian grand duchess who had a rip-roaring time among the social elite of Gotham was travelling dead-head in- stead of incog
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
First Aid

Eugene (about to propose) "Miss-er-, there has been something on my lips for these last few weeks-er-"
 Nancy (mistaking his meaning): "Well, shave it off
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

A Connecticut politician is said to hold three public offices at one time. Yet it takes about three of the average politician really to fill one office.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
,,c, .o .cx AS couApINC CTRCT Fr

JES' AS EASY AS SQUARING CIRCLE
 President Coolidge has told the agricultural commission to go ahead and think of some way to help the farmers. And the commish has taken on the job of thinking, we'll tell the world-Des Moines Register.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

to see that the present international arrange ments are working with remarkable smooth ness and that the reich has set itself deti- nitely on the way to improvement. Even If the nationalists do not concede this, the bulk of Germanys political parties are firmly of this opinion.
 Copyright, 1924.)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Could Have His Choice

Sheba (after refusing him for the third time) Please don't ask me again. l wouldn't marry you if you were worth a million dollars"
 Walter: Don't worry In that case I'd never ask you"
 J. T. O'Brien.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

Judging from the advertisements, on real reason for divorce is seldom cited halitoss.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
New SOngs For Old

 Sing q song of Christmas, and what it brings to folks, Pipes, cigars, and ashtrays to the man who never smokes. Steamer trunks for stay-at-homes, lamps for those who go, Fountain pens for people who write once year or so. A rose-pinK scarf for grandma, although of course, my dears, You know she'll never wear it, shes been In black for years. Yes, sing song of Christmas for' accoruihs to our dope, It's the unexpected happens and never what we hope.
 Molly Anderson Haley.
 But He Did Bennett. You couldn't give me dollar, could you?" ..o, Rogers: "How did you guess it:'
 -Helga Petersen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
IF YOU FIND IT

A parking space is where you leave the car to have the tail light knocked off-DIluth Herald
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
\ SIGN OF WINTER

The whirring of the starter htched to the unresponsive motor heard throughout the land. Baltimore Sun.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20

If the choice were left to mo. whether to have . free press a free government "ouio choose a free rress-Thomas Jefferson
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
The Republic Safe

The elections in Germany have failed to give any of the major parties majority over the others. But the largest groups have this in common that they will stand firmly for the republican form of government; the exc cution of the Dawes plan and the continual tion of foreign policy, which aims at con cilation and stabilization of general European conditions. Ludendorffs fascist suffered de- feat and so did the other extreme of German politics, the Spartacus group. It is possible that failing q coalition of the major groups, the nationalists will have to be included in a new government, but that does not mean a
 return of kaiserism. Certain concessions may be made to them, but there is little likelihood of a repudiation of the Dawes plan and a
 subsequent repudiation of the Versailles peace treaty. The nationalists may demand an ln- quiry into the responsibility of the origin of the war Such a move would be looked upon as an unfriendly move by the government Of France, and may in reality be prelude to graver developments. But this is only pos
 sibility. Even the nationalists cannot fail
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
Blame the Foreigner.

An anniversary speaker at the session of the Lords Day alliance says that the laxity of Sabbath observance in the United States must be blamed on "the man with foreign names and foreign predelictions." Another sample of wartime hysteria remnants, which planes any difference of opinion on the stranger within the gates. It's also the easiest way out of perplexing situation. But it remains doubtful whether the native American is more of Sabbath observer than the newcomer. And it certainly would be a doubtful proce- dure to go to the extreme of enforcing Sab bath observance with compulsory church at tendance thrown in for good measure. The question really revolves around the fact that the churches are losing the interests of the masses. And not the men and women with foreign names are responsible for this, but a goodly portion of the blame rests with those who now level such "a finger of scorn and accusation Though the subject of original sin, for instance, may be a first-class di- version for theological minds, it is difficult to conceive that learned and profound dis sertation on this topic should hold the interest of say an electrical engineer or shoe mer- chant.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-20
A Freeze-Out! !

Whalen: "How did old Millionbucks freeze you out?' Salem With cold cash.
 Blaine c. Bigler.