davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1924-11-02

| the right eye and then in the left
| eye.
| But I thought oh well, it all comes
| under the heading of pleasure, I'm
out for a big time, so l mustn't mind
how uncomfortable 7 am, and as for
those Joe Bushes I'll see all I can
stand of them later in the evening.
1 guess the poet is right when he
says 4 Bush met downtown is worth
two on the train. Or something.
Well, anyways, I made Narrows
Market right on the dot of twenty
minutes late, with a bunch of the
loveliest excuses all ready to fire. and
there wasn't 4 soul in sight to spring
'em on, not even George.
Then after five minutes of sticking
around I seen Geo's hat bobbing up
the street and when he got within
hailing distance l hailed him and
showed him under, too. with few
gen. remarks to the effect where on
earth have you been, here l been
standing on this corner about an hour.
] had commenced to think you was
dead.
And he says no such luck. I wish
I was before L ever started this fool
party, l got the earache. already. quit
hening me, can't you?
And SO of course / laid off. and we
waited in silence until Geo. started to
dish out some cracks to the effect
are you sure you told 'em Narrows
Market on Broad, I'll bet you said
Broad's place over on Market, and
etc.
And then, just as we had about de-
cided to Slip into the one-arm lunch
for a cup of coffee and sandwich
and call it a spree, why, those Joe
sob
says we hope we didn't keep you
waiting I'm afraid we're a little late,
and We says oh my dear not at all,
we just got here.
Evening star., 1924-11-02
of RuI
Thew Know

S that great imaginative poet,
~ Daniel Webster, so truly says,
"A IF you stay in lot your
1 \ friends will seldom find you
out" Then, quite to the other
hand, a person that stays around
home all the time gets a regular
worms view on life.
Years ago when George. that's now
my husband. says to me, "Oh. dearest.
this is too wonderful for words" and
/ says, Then say 1t with diamonds"
well, beginning right with our en-
gagement, l made up our minds we
wasn't going to settle down in a rut
like other married couples do. We
was going to see the good shows, read
the leading books, keep in touch with
our friends, and etc. In other words,
stay merry though married.
Well j must say we have done
pretty we'll along them lines in the
past ten annums. Concerning the
good shows, why. we have taken
Junior to the Hippodrome twice and
seen practically all the best super
features down to The Elite. And so
far as keeping in touch with our
friends goes, well, we personally our
selves have always managed pretty
good on what Geo made, but many of
our friends have touched us quite fire.
uuent. And when it comes to reading
the best books, why, l know my cook
book so thorough by now | can quote
rom 1t, and Geo. hasn't missed a seed
catalogue in years.
But, in spite of this record, the
other morning George says, Hey, dear,
believe we are around home too
much. We stick in that living room
like coupla lypapers. Why not get
Joe Bush OF the Hawthorne Club and
his frau and let's all eat downtown
~ 4 l.
How about it? And l says If ! can
get Annie Gooch to pinch-hit for me
and stay with Junior, yes.
Well, he says, call up the Bushes
and tell them to meet US at Narrows
Market at the corner of Broad street
at 6:15. I'll walk up from the Office
and be there prompt. Then Geo. eased
along to his daily toll singing
"There's Be Hot Time in the Old
Town Tonight" tune he probably
learned last time he was out in the
evening.
Well, soon's Geo. was gone l called
that Mrs. Joe Bush up and unloaded
tho news, and she says Oh fine. I'll
have to call Joe he's at the Haw-
thorne Club and then I'll call you
back in about ten minutes, but ]
know he'll be crazy to go. And /
guess Joe must of thought crazy TO go
was correct and put up a argument
on account it was little over hour
before she called back and said it
would be all right with them.
x x x =
NELL, that pm. 1 got in Annie
w Gooch, who is one of these typi-
cal Southern mammies we have in our
town, with bobbed head and green
leather sandals. She is absolutely
devoted in her dear old Southern way
TO the wages we pay her when she
has nothing else to do but work.
Well, anyways I got her in. Then l
kissed Junior goodnight and told
him for Heavens sakes clear up that
mess you made with all those toys on
the living room floor, this house
drives me pretty nearly crazy, and
other loving, maternal remarks, and
then 1 beat it for the five eleven and
the Joe Bushes wasn't on it.
Well, / guess they was the only
people who weren't, but at last ]
found seat alongside of a feller who
was reading a newspaper when he
wasn't doing calesthenics with it. He
let me have an eyeful, too. First in
Evening star., 1924-11-02

Well, what come next on the pro-
gramme I never will know on account
by the time I got through reading we
had to beat it II we expected to make
that train.
Well, little later at our front door
We says goodnight all. what lovely
time. it was such a jolly party, We
must do 1t again soon. and etc, and
then I and Geo. was in the house at
last.
And what on earth, the cat had got
in somehow, and come up mewing.
lonesome for us. BY the light of the
ashes that was still glowing in the
open fireplace l could see Junior had
left his things around in spite of
what I had told him. And although
there was all that mess to clean up,
it certainly did look good to me.
And to Geo. too, 1 guess, on ac-
count he says, aren't we the darn
fools, though, to go out and force our
money on a cold, cold world when we
could Of stayed right here and en-
joyed ourselves?
And i says YOU said mouthful,
honey, as Shakespeare so truly says:
There is no place like home. Be it
ever so dumbbell"
DOWNRIGHT. 1924l
Evening star., 1924-11-02

THEN they says where would you
like to eat. and we says how
about Ritz's Cafe, in a tone like we'd
| been there often, and they RitZed us
back, so we Strolled over to it and
| George give the head waiter hearty
greeting and the head waiter give
Geo. a stony stare and a table that
| had the best situation for free soup
down the back of any table in the
place.
! Well, then, Joe Bush says how
about a entree. and 1 thought, Hot
BoZo. this is a terrible upstage place
l don't feel as if we have any entree
| here, ali / really want is an exit.
But George who can't recognize a
swell place quick enough to be en-
barrassed by it, says aw nix, no en-
| tree, come on, have something un-
! usual-this is a party. How about
some soup, nice steak, fried spuds,
green vegetable and some pie? Be-
lieve you me. If that man was turned
loose in a ten acre lot full of free
Rolls Royces he'd come home with a
Ford.
Well. with our cups of demi-tasse
| come the question Of what show will
we see?
Both I and Mabel had already chose
The Main st. Follies. but the boys
Sihi"iSt tiiSs udu HtdFQ IL was ABOUT
as snappy as last years garter.
And to cinch tho matter Geo. sprung
a entirely new one-dollar thought.
Hey, how about voud'ville, he says,
and Joe says ah! Great, More
abundance! And not wishing to spoil
our husbands fun, but only to kill
them on the spot. why 1 and Mrs
bush smiled weakly, and says why
all right, sure I'll go any place you
| hot
hear there is good bill at the Or
phan Circuit this week.
Well. there might be a good bill at
the Orphan, we didn't yet know. But
Evening star., 1924-11-02
GGmpses Of Future in y. S. r
Given by Stephen Leacock
Touching and

ing you that your application for d
room has been accepted by the Board
Of Pardons of this hotel and ratified
by the Cancellation Council of the
Walters Union. The room will be
ready for your occupancy at midnight
of the day mentioned and you are re-
| quested to leave 1t at or before day
for sleeping in the bed, or for use of
the window.
II the immigration Laws Keep
On Improving.
Extract from an article in a Ma
tional Encyclopedia Of 1875, entitled
Deportation, Rise and Growth of
THE practice of deportation first
originated in the years Of the Great
War. 1t was first applied to the Reds
or Radicals. 1t proved an immediate
success. The demand at once arose
for the deportation of other classes
of the community.
The deportation OF the Socialists
and the Syndicalists was carried out
in the years 1925-1930. The next de-
portation was that of the entire
population of Paterson, n. ]. A slight
opposition was raised in the press at
the time, but the improved appear
ance of the city OF Paterson after the
Inhabitants were removed silenced
complaint.
The decade following witnessed the
deportation of the Osteopathists, the
Chiropodits and the Homeopathists.
The deportation of the Presbyter-
ians' may be said to have marked an
epoch. All those who witnessed their
departure from New York harbor
when a hundred pipers played 'Jocha
Der No More" upon a hundred sets of
bagpipes, felt that they never wanted
to go through such an experience
again (see under Music. Definition of.
This deportation was followed by
that of the Mayfower Society. the
Son and Daughters OF the Revoiu-
ton. the Mexican War Veterans. and
other bodies whose existence had be-
come a national danger.
II the "sritIsh Lecturer Habit
1tems from a New York Daily
of 1889
King George V lectured to a fair
sized audience at the Princess Theater
yesterday afternoon. The kings de-
livery is quite good and the comments
on his personality are quite encour-
aging. Interviewed at the Biltmore
today, King George expressed his sur
prise and pleasure at the size of
America for which he prophesies
bright future.
BINGHAMTON, n. Y. May 2.-Mr.
Lloyd George and Mr.. Georges Glenn
enceau, former premiers of two of the
signatory powers, have made a favor
able impression here with their Read
ingS from the Treaty of Versailles.
The British Ambassador has been
accepted for the Summer season work
of the Orpheum Circuit His plat
form work in his first appearance at
Mauch Chunk, Pa, is pronounced de-
cidedly good. His work will do much
to create a better feeling between
Singapore and Siam.
Copyright. 19c4.)
Evening star., 1924-11-02

arrive in Philadelphia, barring being
struck by lightning. on the afternoon
OF the third day out of New York.
The greatest satisfaction is expressed
everywhere in business circles over
the prospect Of the speed and GER
tainty offered by the new service.
A peculiar and pathetic interest at
tAches to the fact that the four horses
which drew the Van Buren on her last
trip out Of New York are all dead.
Other similar ones. however. have
been secured from the hanson cab
service of Fifth avenue. Many Of
those who have seen the new team
declare that it is hard to believe that
they are not the original horses.
III
Form Of Application to ee Used In the
Not-very-Far Future In Trying
To Secure a Hotel Room.
Cd Letter from the applicant.
The Management,
The Soakus Hotel,
New York.
Dear Sirs:
I beg to apply for a room. to be
available for my use one month from
the present date and usable for one
day. I am a young man OF good hab-
Evening star., 1924-11-02

We soon found out there was a good
bill at Ritzs Cafe, in fact tho bill was
the only item on the menu that the
waited served before it had a chance
to get cold.
Well anyways the first act over to
the vaudeville was weakly News
Movie all about South American Am
bassador to Court OF Appeals Receives
Leather Medal from the Swiss Navy"
And etc. to appropriate music.
But we had already seen this news
reel at the Elite. SO while it was reel
ing Geo. and Joe got to betting each
other a million dollars that Stalling
Motors. very common. would go to
ninety this week and that IL they had
only bought it at twenty they would
of made, well, hey, lend me a pencil
until the people behind says kindly
hush, l can't see the picture If you
talk so much.
THE next number that come on was
L The Nervous Three Acrobats.
Honest, the strength they had was
wonderful. especially the strength in
their tight-fitting underwear. 1 GER
tainly would like to get some for
Junior. nothing seemed to burst 1t.
But they had nothing for nerve on
the neatly upholstered lady that come
next, billed as Judy Jumpup, in New
Songs and Originations.
Judy sang about how the flowers
reminded her of us. and how each
time the village church bells rung 1t
was a golden wedding day in dear
old Ireland. And all through this
number l and she kept worrying for
fear the last high not was going to
get away from her, and each time it
nearly did. and everybody would ap-
plaud frantically when she finally
caught it.
Then there was an awful funny man
in clothes too big for him. poor feller
Evening star., 1924-11-02

wiched together. The fare there is
5 cents, and the passengers go second
class. At the same time well-to-do
natives are riding by US in covered
chairs carried by bearers: and bright
red jinrikishas by the hundreds, each
pulled by a half-naked coolie, with
a hat as big around as a parasol,
form waving streaks Of bright color
upon the gray concrete Bund. A null
titude is passing on foot.
AS we ride onward our chauffeur
honks his siren at every turn of the
wheel The crowd breaks to let US
go through and we have the changing
CAina under our eyes. Everywhere
the new Is mixed with the old. The
new is seen in the great buildings 60
ing up in every direction, half fin
ished structures inclosed in a lace
work of scaffolding made Of bamboo
poles tied together with ropes Of rat
tan; and the old in the yellow
skinned men and women. bare footed
and often bareheaded, who are work
ing like ants. They are making mod
ern buildings without building ma
chinery. There are no steam shovels
to dig the foundations. no concrete
mixers to mako the mortar, and no
motor trucks to carry the freight.
There are not even horses or bullocks,
man power. Every sort OF muilding
material is carried on the backs or
shoulders Of men-or, might say, of
women-for the women here do as
much work and as hard work as the
men.
l. bricks 1t must weigh a ton. 1t
ia twn oy,1
over one of our country roads and it
is dragged along by three women
harnessed with clothes-lines to tugs
Of thick rope attached to the axle.
See how they bend and strain as
they move the cart onward. There is
a man behind pushing and guiding
the cart. He is acting as foreman,
and directs tho women this way and
that. The women are barefooted, and
falcons against their yellow calves.
They wear loose jackets that fall
from the neck to the hips. and they
have on bamboo hats almost as big
around as a washtub. Their wages
are 25 cents a day.
Now we are passing a building
where the masonS are working The
mortar is carried in and out and up
the ladders by women, each having
two heavy baskets Dalanceo on the
ends of pole as thick as your wrist,
which rests on her shoulders. The
women are the hodcarrters. They
are. the helpers OF the bricklayers
and masons. They carry all sorts Of
burdens. Those on that building are
Of all ages. There are girls who have
not reached their teens and some who
have wrinkles OF three score or more.
I saw a white-haired boatwoman
this morning throwing herself back
and forth against tho oars as she
sculled her sampan. She had baby,
perhaps q grandchild, tied to her
back, and the baby slept as grandma
worked: These are some of the fea-
lures Of the old China which kept
butting their heads into the new.
But the new is here on both feet
I am surprised at what Canton Is do
ing, notwithstanding that foS more
than a decade 1t has been surrounded
by and il now in q state of civil war.
The city is overrun by the military.
It has had revolution after rev0lu.
tion, and today It IL practically the
slave Of the army. Nevertheless, the
town 10 moving steadily onward. and
with much work and but little money
these great changes are made.
Evening star., 1924-11-02

a pair Of boys who could mako their
shoes talk, and a wonderful dog act,
at least 1t was wonderful the way the
trainer took all the credit, just the
same as If he had done tho tricks.
But the really big number was
Bisinka, the world famous dancer, In
The Pipe Dream OF Pan.
Well. as soon as the curtain had
gone up on a set with marbled OIL
cloth columns, a fountain and a lot of
pink cheesecloth curtains, why nat
| urally I knew there was no sense
watching the stage. had better read
instead it, wanted to know what it
| was all about, and SO I stuck to the
scenario, which went something to
the effect:
"Bunkum, King Of The Mists, is
jealous OF Jello the timid young
knight OF the Dease@t- So, meeting
| Aieone, the sorceress, in 2 glen. he
tells her Of his love. She dances to
deceive him, but Bunkum goes mad,
and giving her his glasses to hold.
dances in her stead. hoping for the
best. Then Nymphs. Nuts and Nudes
steal softly up and crown them both.
leaving the audience to its fate. Miss
Bisinkas Costumes by The Invisible
Gauze Co. Settings by Black Mi
norcas"
Evening star., 1924-11-02

perhaps so feet Egh. a huge ring of
| stone and brick six miles in cir
cumference, dropped down, as it
| were, into the honeycomb of the bee
/ hive. This is the wall of the old
| city, which was built about 1000 A. D.,
six centuries before there was a
blockhouse on the North American
continent to defend our pioneers from
| the Indians. The wall was to defend
Canton from the hordes Of invaders
! who again and again tried to loot
| its vast riches. 1T served we'll for
generations, but the Tartans came
again and again. and less tha1 three
centuries ago the Manchu armies
were victorious. They subdued all
China. putting their garrisons into
every city and district. They then
quartered an army here, which lived
on the city until some 12 years ago
when the Manchu dynasty was over
thrown and the Chinese republic was
founded.
My memory records the great
Yamens of the officials Of the past,
the terI of thousands of cells of ex-
animation halls, and the Buddhist
in every part of the city. At that
| time Canton had grown far outside
the walls. 1t was crowding the river,
and the buildings ran to the multi
| tudinous graves on the hills. The
beehive was almost compact, save for
the alley-like streets that I have
described.
| We start on our trip through the
| new Canton from the Island of Sha-
| meen. We must first walk to the
| bridge, for nothing on wheels, not
even 1inrikisha, comes into the for
eign concessions. The bridge is of
concrete. 1t is new and artistic fit
entrance to the new China we are
to see.
x X = X
A S we go by the guards We face a
"A great wall of new buildings fin
on what was the edge of the bee
hive 1 have described. Everywhere
new structures are rising, and a new
city is in course Of creation. Right
| in front of us are warehouses and
office bulldogs of four and five
stories, built in foreign style, with
a skyscraper of eight floors and a
tower, the new Hotel Asia for the en-
ltertainment of Chinese and foreigners
| topping the whole.
This wall of buildings is several
| hundred feet back from the river.
and between it and the stream has
been constructed a wide concrete
| roadway that runs up and down the
river the whole length of the city.
The banks have been walled with
stone, the hundreds of buildings of
the old beehive have been cleared
| away, and as a result Canton now has
| Bund that compares favorabiy with
those of other big cities OF the Far
East.
/ The Bund is thronged with busi-
| ness, the river along it is hidden by
boats, and the. traffic and people are
those Of the changing Chinese. It Is
| in the heart of this Bund that we get
| our automobile.
AS we take our seats In the car we
| have a striking picture of the New
| China. This is in the motor busses
going back and forth filled with pas
sengers. The busses are small, with
| Canton built bodies on American
| chassis. They are of an ugly brown
| color. but they are great innova-
| tion for China Each bus has seats
| for only about two dozen passengers
and all are jammed with men, women
and children who are taking this way
Of going across town for 10 cents. Be-
! hind some Of the busses are trailers,
each Of which holds 40 persons sand
Evening star., 1924-11-02
President, Harvard University.

Emergency Guarantee and Insurance
Co.
To Whom it May Concern:
Mr.. 4. Eatanything is insured in
and by this company in compensa-
ton for all possible accidents result
ing from rooming in a hotel. Any
management permitting him to occupy
room is hereby assured that the
metropolitan Guarantee Company will
see that he leaves the room. either
alive or dead, at daybreak of the day
following his occupancy.
go Answer from the Soakus Hote
Company.
Mr.. EatanythinE.
Dear Sir:
We have much pleasure in inform
Evening star., 1924-11-02

The Final Solution Of the Transportation
Problem.
l..
Gan Extract from the New York Daily Press
of 1o3o.)
RESUMPTION OF THE MAIL
COACH SERVICE.
w E are happy to announce
to our readers that the
NN mail coach service be-
tween New York City and
Philadelphia, which has
been temporarily suspended since
1910, Is to be resumed this week. By
a fortunate chance the well-known
and highly popular coach, the Martin
Van Buren,, has been discovered still
in her yard, where she was placed
when she was set aside pending the
which has proved such a costly
failure.
Under the new arrangement, pas
sengers booked for Philadelphia are
guaranteed of departure and arrival
at the hour specified. Subject only
to the hazards OF the weather, the
Martin Van Buren will leave her
place of departure (The Andrew
Jackson Hostelry, corner Of Wall
otfeeI ana tne Albany 1@OSt itOdOJ d.
or about daybreak on the morning of
every Monday. This commodious
coach has accommodation for ten in
side and ten outside passengers.
There is ample accommodation in
the boot for all parcels and personal
luggage. Passengers desirous of
putting luggage in tho boot, however,
are requested to come to the booking
off1ce three days in advance 70 effect
the necessary signature of vouchers.
and to take the necessary oaths Of
allegiance and citizenship.
In order to avoid the present de-
lays in the operation OF the tunnel
traffic, the Van Buren will be taken
across the river on q barge. Pas
sengers may keep their seats during
the transit or, for a small extra fee,
may be carried across Qf the wind
serves) in a hoy. Tho Van Buren
will proceed at full speed across New
Jersey. Absolutely no stops will be
made except for tho change Of horses,
for meals, and for the night
When tho moon serves. the Van
Buren will continue her journey. still
at full speed, until p. NJ She will
Evening star., 1924-11-02
Red Gasoline.

A SCIENTIFIC worker has re-
Gently suggested that all motor
gasoline be colored red to distin-
guish it from other fluids for which it
is frequently mistaken. thus causing
explosions, fires and sometimes loss
of life.
Evening star., 1924-11-02
THE NEXT DEPORTATION WAS THAT OF THE ENTIRE
POPULATION OF PATERSON. N j.
mentS.

its, a Presbyterian, a graduate OF
Harvard and non-smoker. If you
will see fit, sirs, to trust me with q
room 1 shall do my utmost to occupy
it in a way entirely to your satisfac-
ton My testimonials are inclosed
herewith.
Very faithfully.
EDWARD EATANYTHNG.
f2) Testimonial from the president
of Harvard.
The Management
The Soakus Hotel.
New York.
Dear Sirs:
This is to certify that Mr.. Edward
Eatanything attended the undergrad
uate course at Harvard for a number
Of years and obtained the bacca-
laureate degree in arts. His course
included English literature courses
], and 6. mathematics and 5, and
Latin and 8. consider him in
every way fitted to occupy your room.
Very faithfully,
President, Harvard University.
60 From the pastor of the Broad
Street Second Baptist Church.
The Management.
The Soakus Hotel.
New York.
Dear Sirs:
My young friend, Mr.. Edward Eat
anything, informs me that he is an
applicant for a position as a roomer
under your management. He was for
over four years a member of my con-
gregation and I have great pleasure
in testifying that the level of his
spiritual life is so high that you can
with safety place him even on the
top floor of your hotel.
Very faithfully,
Evening star., 1924-11-02

A S that great imaginative poet,
~ Daniel Webster, so truly says,
"A IF you stay in lot, your
friends will seldom find you
ont Then nuifa IN the other