davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
MAPLE SUGAR SHORTAGE

Troubles come so fast they tread on each others heels in these hectic times. Now comes the sad news that the 1924 maple syrup crop will be failure in most places. To get good maple syrup "sugaring season Y ground must be well frozen, then snow, then an alternating of sharp nights and thawing days-to send the sap shooting up with a rush. This winter has been against good sugaring conditions. Small wonder we talk so much about the weather, considering it's virtual dictatorship over our daily lives and prOsr rity.-Columbia Record. :,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Our Inauisitive Rennrt.r

Our Inquisitive Reporter
 Our Inquisitive Reporter asked this ques- tion of four people chosen at random:
 Now that the development of cunieform inscriptions has been identified and rexis- tered as both polyphonOus and ideagramatic, what do you consider the best means of cur ing a wart on the third finger of the left hand?"
 Bill Beach, awning hanger: "WeI, at least, I can say this much, Bo. I ain't never yet had my thumb prints taken"
 Frieda Hull, teacher: Perhaps. but it depends more or less on what the population of this city was in 1S9S.'
 A. H. COllan, mechanic: ''If you mean Ida ORann, the cashier down at Spieler's, I never noticed no warts on her left hand-'
 Percy Perl, interior decorator: But you can get the same effects with lilac hangings, and orchid cushions to match would be just too sweet"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Fl KAsE FUN 9HSI5TN SEToH 'll4qa{/ /z4XS0N TOZH4kL NNEZL
Fans
(By Ida M. Thomasl
W N1EHl4kk .NOELk

The only thing he talks about
 Is pitchers, bases. and home runs, And all within the neighborhOOd
 His very presence shuns. He's crazy on half holidays,
 His slighted family never can See aught of him except at night He is a baseball fam And I? You ask me what am I
 To speak so sneeringly of these? Why, I'm in quite a different class: I represent the cooling breeze That fails to come on scorching days: l am a valued friend of man, A benefit to all the world
 I'm an electric fan!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
WORDS OF WISDOM

A moral, sensible and well-bred man Will not affront me-and no other can.
 -Cowper. Wealth may be like waters gathered in a house, which, finding no outlet, drown the owner.-Talmud. There is no good in arguing with the in- evitable. The only argument available with the east wind is to put on your overcoat.- James R. Lowell.
 In prayer it is better to have heart with out words than words without a heart Bunyan.
 What is this world but huge inn, and life its changing guest.-H. Browne.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
TUsCALoOsA's HIGHWAY VISION

AO0SALOOOA D hIGh W "A N1O1ON
 The action of the people of Tusca- loosa county in voting a cordial ma jority for a bond issue of six hundred thousand dollars to be used under the direction of the state and federal gov ernments in constructing four paved roads in that county should not be al- lowed to pass unnoticed. Not only did the people approve the bonds for this particular program, but they also elected a board of road commissioners definitely and openly committed to an efficient and permanent highway system through out, in addition to the four paved roads specifically provided for.
 As the Tuscaloosa News puts it:
 By this act Tuscaloosa county has
 committed herself to the policy of con
 structing permanent roads and to the
 policy of bearing her share of the cost
 of the things that will mean progress
 within her boundaries. No doubt Tus-
 caloosa's experience has been much like
 that of other counties and she has
 learned that money put into dirt and
 gravel roads is money thrown to the
 winds.
 The Tuscaloosa paper believes that the highway money is a good investment, only if the most durable surfaces are constructed, nd only if the highways
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
POSSIBLE TESTIMONIALS

TO Whom It May Concern:
 For years I suffered from pains in the head, distressing twinges in the muscles of the back, specks before the eyes, and extreme languor. I tried everything. Seven months ago Major Prentice Deepdish of the Army Chemical Service, suggested that try smoke less powder. took two barrels of this wonderful remedy in a glass of cold water before and after eating and am now so strong I am afraid of myself. The army forever. ALYSIUS MCGEE.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Modern Nursery Rhymea

Modern Nursery Rhymes Little Mary had Bob, They're all the style, you know; And everywhere that Mary went, Her Bob was sure to gO- You think. of course, ker hair was b0bbed, Oh, no! that isn't so. The Bob of which I'm speaking Is little Mays beau!
 Mrs. Lida Frey. Parents admOnish their children to tell the truth, and then live in constant fear that they will do so.
 Ata-Girl! Last evening after I had given my four year-old daughter her bath. and was just about to put on her nightgOwns- she noticed ske wasn't quite dry. "Oh, mother" she commanded hurriedly. rub me good and dry. because I don't want to get rusty."-Mrs. L.. W. Standke.
 Self-ImpOsed The longest ''sentence" in the world: ~I y" (when uttered at the altar.) (Copyright, 1924 Reproduction FOrbidden.) )
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Apparently the chief objection to the Dawes report in Europe is that it's adop- tion will probably interfere with the plans o4 some of the professional politi- cians .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Secretary of War:

Dear Sir It gives me great pleasure to add my name to the list of thousands who have been given a new lease of life, thanks to the Col. Beverley Boho's Powdered Duck board Tonic. was weak, underweight, anae- mic and almost useless when a friend of mine asked me if I had ever tried the blackboard treatment. He said the army had discov- cred that Duckboards had great medicinal properties and that he had taken duck board before retiring every night for week, after which he felt like a new man. He told me the army was making them in powdered form and went to the nearest army post and bought a case at once. In two weeks put on over 125 pounds and am now a strong man with circus. Hoping you are the same, I am, JERRY ZILCH.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

There ;s good reason to believe that failure of passage of the so-called farm relief measure will be more beneficial to the farmers than its enactment would have been to the politicians fathering it..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Prohibition could not be fairly pro- nounced a failure if the folks who put in most of their time trying to prove it so would switch their efforts to mak- ing it a success.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Great progress has been made in medicine and surgery since the war. Nobody would be particularly startled by an announcement that liquid fire had been found to be a sure cure for chills, TNT marvellous remedy for housemaids' knee, and barbed wire an ideal substitute for mustard plasters
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Gas Chlorine type) has been found to give relief to patients suffering from colds Tn the head, throat and lungs. Several thou sand people have been sgassed" during the past few weeks, including the president. Most, of them have felt better and none of them have felt any worse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
OLD-FASHTONED GIRL IN LUCK

crazy Mexican took a shot at a young woman in San Antonio. The young woman had lots of hair and it was done up in a knot ca the back of her head.l The bRllet Strsek the knot of hair, was deflected, and tAe young woman was saved. Think what would have happened if this young woman had been in style.-HoneSs Grove (Tex.) Signal al.-.- ..-..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

They are shearing sheep with cleo tricity in California; so next winters overcoat will probably be an even larger item in the list of current expenses.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

There are men who attach so much value to publicity that they cherish all their lives having been once mentioned as presidential possibility.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

It has been clearly demonstrated in Chicago that a little learning of the wrong kind is very dangerous experi- ment at best
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

It is probable that some of those poll iticians who enter into trading negotia- tions will find that the system worked on them was "sight-unseen."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

It Is said that large percentage of the modern girls have forgotten how to blush. Colors that are fixed do not come and go.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

That Italian woman who professes to be able to lift elephants might undertake to help the C.. o. P. back up on it's ped estal.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Even taking their income-tax medicine in smaller doses will be source of some relief to most people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
NORRIS AND "PROPAGANDA"

\~ Senator Norris has complained that the committee on Muscle Shoals was forced to adjourn before it had a. chance to
 Investigate the flood of propaganda be- hind the Ford offer" No phrase could more illuminatingly declare the miscon- ception of his duty that has dominated the policy of MT. Norris in all this in- quiry. The duty of the committee was not to investigate propaganda. but to inquire into the merits of the various bids for Muscle Shoals and to make re- port on the results. But the committee resolved itself instead into a clearing house for Muscle Shoals gossip and anti Ford propaganda. If there were any occasion for the investigation of prop aganda, 1t applied to the Norris prop uganda for government operation and uncalled-for competition with private in- dustry.
 Although MT. Norris may dismiss as propaganda the earnest and eloquent and substantial argument in behalf of Mir. Ford's offer, he thereby does deep injustice to those citizens who have eX- ercised their right of free speech to dis cuss the question in its bearing on the public welfare. As for MT. Ford, it is quite evident that he not only has not participated in any campaign to bring about acceptance of his bid, but that, on the contrary, he has held discreetly aloof, preferring to have the offer accepted or rejected on it's merits. This frank and fair attitude Mir. Norris and his majority associates were apparently incapable of appraising at it's value. The reproach, therefore, reacts not upon MT. Ford or those who have spoken in his behalf, but upon those who have sought to smother and strangle the only offer for Muscle Shoals that will give the public due ben aft from this great project.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Hoping for the best is we'll enough in it's way; but it can't hold a candle to getting out and hustling.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

A "gentleman's agreement" seems to be exactly as elastic in application as the consciences of those who interpret it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Why drop s to doctor when you can drop p cents in the meter and get better results?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
THE ACE-HERALD
FREDERICK l. THOMPSON. .... PRESIDENT

Entered at Birmingham. Ala. post office as sscond-class matter. act of Congress March 1s7s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

Smoke screens put up in capsule form may yet be offered in cases of inflammatory rheumatism, rickets and lumbago. "On sale at all druggists !"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Yesterdays Error
NOBODY WINS

Marriage is a great game, isn't it:'' Yes: but it always results in a tier The Yale Record.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
RALsToN DECLINES THE HONOR

. NALOION DEOLINEo HE HONOh
 Although the Democrats of the coun- try greatly admire Senator Samuel M. Ralston of Indiana, there will be gen. eral approval of his refusal to permit himself to be offered as presidential candidate. In the first place, MT. Rals- ton is sixty-seven years old, and nearing the age when presidential duties would press very heavily upon him. In the second place, his entry would but add to the confusion of candidates without contributing to the party strength. Therefore, MT. Ralston properly advises Indiana to send an uninstructed delega- tion to New York to help in choosing the very best man possible for party leader ship. Undoubtedly, if the convention should finally turn to the Indiana sen- ator he would not refuse the honor; but
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

1 Consequently, doctors are predicting great things for the chlorine gas treatment, inti- mating it may be of immense benefit in very
 serious illnesses. The public is keenly inter- | oefad
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

The fully equipped home of the near fu- ture may have to have two gas systems, one for cooking and one for asthma
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

NEWS BUREAUS-washington. 600 Davidson Building; State Capital, Montgomery Journal Building; Tennessee Valley. Decatur Daily Building; Tuscaloosa, Nows Building: Jasper. Mountain Eagle Building; Anniston. Star Build- ing; Gadsden. Journal Building; Muscle Shoals. Trt-Cities Daily Building
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

If the choice were left to me, whether to have free press or free government, I would choose free press.-Thomas Jefferson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

SUBSCRIPTION RATES-By mall. payable in advance, in United States and Canada; Daily and Sunday, year. $500; SIX months, $400; three months, $2.25; one month, S5c. Daily only: One year. $6.50; six months, $3.25: three months, s1.76; one month, 75c. Sunday only: one year. S2.bo; six months, $1.5o; three months. 76c; one month 25c.
 By carrier, where carrier delivery is main- tained: zoe per week. S5c per month.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
Department of the East.

Department of the East.
 Gentlemen :-I am glad to recommend General Briggs Concentrated Essence of Sword Polish to all victims of chronic hay fever and hives. The army did a great thing for humanity when it salvaged all the sword polish left over from the World War and converted it into liniment. For years I had been barely able to walk, due to rheu- matism and progressive laziness. heard about Briggs Concentrated Essense of Sword Polish and gave three bottles of it to my oldest hoy. I now walk without the slight est difficulty. JEREMY JENkS.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PRESS-The As- sociated Press is exclusively entitled to the use Tor publication of all news dispatches credited to 1t, or not otherwise credited in this paper and also local news published therein All rights of Equalization of special dispatches are also re- served.
 Telephone (private branch exchange connsct' Ing all departmental. Main 4so0.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07
@hE,9gONCE |4SW OVER,
Casing tho Spring Cold

If so, never mind sending for the doctor. Send for the gas man. ,u-,..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-07

The Forest Fire Menace.-Alabama does not rank among the heavily forested states but this state has millions Of acres of val uable timber lands. These timber lands con stitute one of the states valuable assets ana one that is being seriously menaced each year by forest fires.--Anniston Star.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Hooked

at used to be the American girl
who was regarded as sophisticated to
a degree" remarked Henri de BriIle,
the Partisan dilettante, 'but since the
war has left Europe with a ratio Of
twenty women to every man, things
are different and continental romance
isn't what it used to be.
"Quite recently, at Nice, 1 over
heard the following:
ct never loved anyone but you
'NonsenseP
you are the light of my life
I've heard that before
az can't live without you
Foolish talk
IF I could only tell you how much
love your
Think of something new
VIII you marry meT
We'll! Now you're talkingrs
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Bright Lights Rid
Orchard Of Moths

lanterns and pans In a section of his
orchard. These he replaced with the
electric lights as more practical this
year. Furthermore, he says that he
has had ian army as big as Grants"
cutting off the grub-infested twigs
wherever they are found, which is
very readily done as the end of the
twfg or shoot begins to wilt as soon
as the moth stings it and lays its eggs.
Oriental moths are apparently
everywhere now" explained Mr..
Weatherby. "You can find them on
the most isolated peach tree as we'll
as in the big orchards. l don't know
whether my lights are really extermi-
mating all the moths that they should
or whether they are attracting more
moths from other parts of the coun-
try. Maybe when all of the rest of the
fruit growers get to fighting the ORR
entail MOTH or its natural parasite enc
mics catch up with it, we can at least
get the pest under control. Until then
nobody can buy my lighting outfit"
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24

81 have been suffering for u
with female trouble. Was I Ooo ~
on five years ago. II relieyys Sif \
some but I did not REGAIN SI \
strength. Two years Ia 9s,4
taken sick and bediast sevy.
months. l treated long N:
without much relief. I was y"
couraged, my mind affected
nervous l could neither est
sleep and unable to do anything
We tried several doctors &
one after another gave uD nv y
as hopeless. Finally a good III
advised me to try Pe-ru-na. I h
It relieved me almost immediatS
Your medical department said'
was suffering from chronic cataA
of the system. | began taking Vi
medicine in March, 1914 and y
tinued until August. l took 4
bottles of Pe-ru-na and three NJ
ties of Man-a-lin and felt mi
new person. Your medicine Seem
like a gift from Heaven. Il /
like coming from darkness h
light. /
We have used your NEEDED
since for coughs, colds and n
with good results. We will alWs
keep it on hand. I weigh twenl
five pounds more than | ever h
eat and sleep well and can Id
good days work. Everybody 81
/ look fine. Even the doctors /
surprised. I cannot thank Il
enough and will always iecomms|
Pe-ru--na to sufferers fro
catarrh."
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Farm Children

The farm population Of the Nd
although less than 80 per cent Of
total, is carrying more than 81
cent of the child population, sal
United States bulletin. The farl
charged with the duty of educa
this excess of youth and turni1
over to the cities at the producing
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
BIOLOGICAL

The Paris police have arrested a
man named Moies, who had become en-
gagged to so different girls. When he
comes out of prison he had better
adopt the habits of namesake and bur-
HumOriSt.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Still Cleans Despite $1,000
Meals Prepared on 1t.

Quinton, N. Cooking a single
meal for the family In a gas or cleo
trically equipped kitchen seems like a
big task to most housewives these hot
days, but Mrs Herbert Sheets, who
has lived in this Salem county village
long enough to have cooked $4,000
meals all on the same stove still likes
to cook.
Winter and summer, morning, noon
and night, for 81 years, Mrs. Sheets
has prepared the food for her family
on the same stove that her husband
bought for her as his bride when they
were married on Washington's birth
day, 1868.
II have always liked to cook" said
Mrs. Sheets, whose back is bent from
so much STOPPING to stir a pot or to
see how bread or pies were browning
in the oven.
Prefers Plain Cooking.
81 get little spent and tired some
times" she continued, and then ex-
planned half apologetically that she
now buys her bread, and occasionally
cakes, from the village baker. Until
recently she did all her own baking in
addition to preparing the regular three
meals a day. For 81 summers she
and her stove have tackled with bright
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Little Overland Travel.

Because of the bogs and the rough
ridges there Is little overland travel
in the .Falklands. No roads exist, and
what little movement takes place on
land is by horseback or on foot. The
coasts are deeply indented and most
ranch headquarters are on some tiny
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
1852 Killed in Year
at Grade Crossings

New York.-That 1852 per-
sons were killed at railroad
grade crossings during 1923, an
increase of 20 per cent over
1922, is the official announce
ment Of the United States bu-
reau of public roads.
The bureau insists on elm
ination of grade crossings on
federal aid projects wherever
practicable.
Many dangerous crossings
have already been eliminated
with the cooperation of state
highway departments through
the construction Of steel or con-
crete overhead crossings or I'M
derpasses and by relocating the
highway to avoid crossing and
recrossing railroad tracks, the
report states.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-09-24
Cooked 81 Years
on Old Pet Stove

faces the job of almost endless can
ming and preserving.
"Just plain, ordinary cooking Is
what do" she went on, when asked
what she likes to cook the most. ST
have never bothered much with fancy
dishes-just those substantial things
for my husband and our boys and
girls.
mo, never counted up to see how
many meals I've cooked on this stove
It's the only stove we've ever had, and
don't have to tell you it's a good one
when l say that we've used it every
day since we were married. 1t has a
good oven. dry all of my wood in
there, and it's still fine for baking.
once, some years ago, we had a new
top put on the stove. That's about the
only thing about the stove that has
ever needed fixing since we got It,"
The stove which has cooked the food
and provided much of the heat in win
ter for Mr.. and Mrs. Sheets during
their long married life was cast in a
Philadelphia foundry by firm now
extinct. 1t is of the old-fashioned de-
sign of the Sixties, with ample firebox,
large oven and four lids It burns
eithers coal or wood. AS wood has
been most abundant in the communi-
ties where the family had lived, that
has been the principal fuel; so, in
addition to the cooking, the kindling
of fires has been no small part of Mrs.
Sheets kitchen tasks.
Kept Brightly Polished.
So brightly polished does Mrs.
Sheets keep her stove that it does not
look old even now. It's surface re
Elected her face as she stopped to take
from the oven, to show to visitors the
other day, a bread pan which was
also one of her wedding gifts. This
pan, too, has lasted through all the
years.
Upon this stoves polished surface
dropped the tears of disappointment
Of the b7Sde who scorched her first
meal. From its hot face rose those
whisps of steam as a mothers tears
welled in joy over the coming of chill
dren into the home, or flowed In sor-
row over the last meal prepared for
their departure from the old threshold
into the big, wide world. Later
splashed those tears of gratitude,
which left spots that had to be rubbed
off, after the same accustomed hands
had prepared the feasts for the golden
wedding and still more recently for
the sixtieth and sixty-frst wedding an
niversaries.
This little woman does not regard 1t
as remarkable that she and her stove
have probably set a record for all
America. She likes to cook, the stove
just suits her, and her husband and
family have enjoyed her cooking
through all these years. What more
could any housewife ask?
Furthermore, her family has thrived
on her cooking. If The fact that she
and Der husband still survive after
nearly sixty-one years and six months
of married life Is not sufficient proof
Of her culinary ability, then there are
the five stalwart sons and daughters,
all still living, and progeny of eighty
grandchildren ant grest-grandchildren