davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
Slow.

Two hunters, returning from the
Catskills, decided to try some New
York city humor upon the agent OF
little railroad station in the foothills.
when does the 3:49 train get inf'
asked one.
The old man regarded him serious
ly and at length. "Wal," said he, "she
generally gets in just leetle behind
the engine"
Later they approached him respect
fully. "About time that train is due.
isn't It, Uncle?"
"Yes," said the agent. shes about
due. There comes the conductors
dog. Everybody Magazine.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
Commercial candor.

Obliging Shopman Ito lady who has
purchased a. pound of butter) Shall
l send It for you, madam?
Lady-No. thank you. It won't be
too heavy for me-
Obliging Shopman-Oh, no, ma
dam. III make 1t as light as I pos
sibly can.-Punch-
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
LooIcaI Opposition.

Mrs. Carrie Chapman Gait, advo-
eating woman suffrage in New York,
said: 81 have never heard in all my
life a single syllable Of logical oppo-
sition to woman suffrage. The aver
age opposition is neither better nor
worse than the argument of certain
carter.
"'Ah,' he growled, 'wot would WON
en- do with vote if they had it? Con-
trary critters! Why. If says to my
old woman, Gimme liver and bacon
for dinner" do I git it? Nav! / git
sripe and onions"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11

"Why, poor, dear Aunt Maria. "
said the sympathetic young lady to
her colored nanny whom she had
not seen before for years. Il believe
you have lost all your teeth"
Honey" the old darby answered
cheerfully, 81 amt got but two teeth
lef'. but ever day I thanks de good
Lord dat dem two hits one anoder
SOS I kin chaw wild EN-. New York
Press.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
Tine New Year.


Julla Ward Howe was no believer
in New Years resolutions. I'VE
should make and keep good resolu-
lions all the year round" the cele-
brated author once said IN Boston. Z
am no great believer in New Years
VOWS, for, although they are splendid
things, they really don't amount to
much more than Oliver Wendell
Holiness tobacco resolution.
''Mr. Holmes. with affected gravity,
said to friend on the first day Of the
year: 4 really must not smoke so per
sistently; 1 must turn over new
leaf-a tobacco 1eaf-and have q
cigar only after eacn'-here he
paused as If to say meal but he con
tinued-'after each cigar
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
First Choice.

Mr.. Jawback- My dear. was one
Of the first to leave.
Mrs. Jawback-Oh. you always say
that.
Mr.. Jawbaek-I can prove 1t this
time. Look out in the hall and see
the beautiful umbrella l brought
home.-Toledo Blade.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
s.ralnt,t fnom the Heart.

-Lo'd, Miss May" said the old
darky TO the young lady of the house,
the morning after her coming-out bah,
you sho' did look sweet las night.
N.Y. / hardly knowed YOU Der WASN'T
a thing about you dat looked natchee
New York Times. -asa
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
More seasonabIe.

"You have spring heels on your
shoes, haven't you, dear7" said lady
to Flossie, aged four years.
''Yes," was the reply but think
It's time now for me to have some
with winter heels on. isn't it"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
Altar a Rln Haul.

''Binks used to be daft on the SUBJ
feet Of buried treasure. What's he up
to now?"
Hes got up an expedition to Asia
Minor to try to find the place where
Methuseleh stored his birthday pres
ents. Toledo Blade.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11

We don't remember having seen
IL put with such shining candor
before.-Punch.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11

In addition to having water sup
ply second to none Tillicoultry dairy
men can congratulate themselves upon
upholding the prestige of the place so
far as the milk is concerned. The
Devon Valley Tribune
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11
opposItes Meeting.

81 wonder" said the Tngenne,
smiling sweetiy at the villain.
ssWhat do you wonder?" asked the
latter. with his stage frown.
"If The Devir has to have an an
gel. Baltimore American
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-11

"Does 1t cost much to clothe a
family?" asked the economical man.
mot mine," replied Mr.. Sirius
Barker. "My only daughter is a bare
foot dancer and my only son is a
Marathon runner"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
THE WEATHER

Alabama and Mississippi: Partly cloudy Wednesday. cooler Wednesday night; Thursday flair.
 Louisiana: Wednesday. and Thursday. partly cloudy to cloudy: cooler in north portion wednesday.
 Arkansas: Wednesday and Thursday. partly cloudy to cloudy: colder Wednes- day.
 Oklahoma: Wednesday and Thursday. partly cloudy to cloudy.
 East Texas: Wednesday and Thurs day. partly cloudy to cloudy and unset- tied; cooler in interior Wednesday.
 West Texas: Wednesday and Thursday. generally fair.
 Virginia: Rain Wednesday; Thursday. fair and somewhat colder.
 North Carolina: Cloudy and unsettled Wednesday. possibly rain; Thursday. fair and cooler.
 South Carolina and Georgia: Partly cloudy Wednesday; Thursday. fair and colder.
 Florida: Fair wednesday and Thurs- day; slightly warmer in northeast portion.
 Tennessee and Kentucky: Partly cloudy and colder Wednesday; Thursday. fair.
 Summary of observations made at sta. tions of the United States weather bureau. during the 24 hours ending at z D. na, 90th meridian time, March 25, 1924:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
QUART IF WATER
 CLEANS K|DNE EYs
Take a Little Salts If Your Back Hurts, or Bladder Is
 Troubling You

NO man or woman can make a mistake by flushing the kidneys oc- casionally. says a well-known au- thority Eating too much rich food creates acids, which excite the kid- neys. They become overworked rom the strain, get sluggish and iatl to filter the waste and poisons from the blood. Then we get sick. hneumatism' headaches, liver trouble nervousness. dizziness, sleeplessness and urinary disorders often come from sluggish kidneys.
 The moment you feel dull ache Tn the kidneys, or your back hurts. or if the urine Is cloudy, offensive. full of sediment, irregular of pas sage or attended by sensation of scalding, begin drinking a quart of water each day, also get about four macy; take a tablespoonful in a glass of water before breakfast, and Tn few days your kidneys may act fine. N'
 This famous salts is made from the acid of grapes and lemon juice, com bined with lithia, and has been used Tor years to flush and stimulate the kidneys; also to help neutralize the acids In the system, so they no long CT cause irritation, thus often re- heving bladder weakness.
 lad Salts Is inexpensive; makes a delightful effervescent lithia-water urlnk which everyone should take now and then to help keep the kid neys clean and active and the blood pure, thereby often avoiding serious kidney complications. By all means have your physician examine your kioneys at least twice a year.-Adv.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
COMEDY TO PLAY
 FULL WEEKS RUN
Jefferson Players Present. ing Hopwood Success,
 The Alarm Clock

The funniest play of the year and one of the best casts ever seen in Birmingham is the way public and critics alike are describing the first offering of the Jefferson Resident players. It is Avery Hopwood's latest farce, 'Thes AlaIm Clock" and it will De at the Jefferson theatre all this week to make Birmingham theater- goers laugh until their sides ache. Miss Kathleen Comegys, Russell Fill more and Miss Helen Ray are winning as friends everyone who sees them in their leading roles in this Inirth- making farce, while the other members of the all-star organization are round tng out perfect performance.
 While The Alarm Clock" is being presented, matinee and night, this week, the company is hard at work in the morning rehearsing "The Demi- Virgin" a farce, laid in Hollywood, for next weeks attraction. John Glynn MacFarlane has joined the com pany, arriving Tuesday morning, and he has the leading role in next weeks play.
 With the reception accorded the com pany on its opening performances, the nembers of the Jefferson Resident players feel that Birmingham is pleased with them, and they are work Ing to their limit to make 'sThe Demi- Virgin" one of the best shows that has graced the Jefferson stage.
 The Alarm Clock" is a play that will make a wooden man laugh. It is full of clever lines and situations, and mirth muscles are being worked over- time by those who are filling the house at every performance.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
FLOWING GOLD" AT
 TRIANON, BIG FILM

'F1owing Gold" a screen version of Rex Beach's latest novel, featuring
 Anna Q. Nilsson mad Milton Stills, is meeting with such huge success in the motion picture theatres of the coun- try. This First National picture, which was produced by Richard Walton Fully and directed by Joe De Grasse, is an example of how the spell of great story can, be intensified on the screen.
 All of this great authors novels have been noted for their thrilling situations aPa but n0Is h.s more so than oil fields as the locale of this tale of love and adventure, and into it he has injected continuous series of thrills that will increase his following tremendously.
 Flowing Gold'' is the Trianon at- traction this week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
ADJUSTMENTS
AT THE THEATRES

Jefferson-Jefferson Resident play. CTS in "The Alarm Clock"
 Loew's Bijou-Al Shayne, "The Sing ing Beauty" vaudeville lead; picture Harrison Ford in "Maytime."
 Lyric-Billy Beard, black face come. dian, vaudeville lead; Fox comedies and Pathe News.
 At The Movies
 Capitol-Madge Kennedy and Monte Blue in "The Purple Highway"
 Galax-Wiliam s. Hart in "Sing- CT Jim Mckee"
 Odeon-"The Ghost City" concludes, Leather Stockings" begins.
 Princess-Harold Lloyd in Fash full"
 Rialto-Gloria Swanson in "Prodi- gal Daughters"
 Royal-"The Lone Wagon"
 Strand-Pola Negri in Shadows of Paris"
 Trianon-Rex Beach's "Flowing Gold"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
AT THE LYRIC

The best all-round bill Birmingham has boasted in many months is the description of the five acts of big-time Keith vaudeville, including two head liners, which will be offered at the Lyric for the last time Wednesday.
 There are two headliners. The first is the Patricia Fay and Johnny Wes- ton revue with the Royal Garden Six, '"The Surprises of 1923" The second headliner needs no introduction. He is Billy Beard in '@The Party From the South" The added attractions are 1: Andrew Lewis and Pansy Morton in Cost to Cost" The special features introduces three young girls in ''They Never Change" Archi Obri in ''Nov- city Bits," rounds out the bill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
Wonderful for Piles
 Says Peterson
'T Guarantee My Ointment"
 Saya Peterson=Every. Box of It.

says GeeESOM-GVSry.D DO4 0k 1gs
 If you received every week a dozen or more letters like the one below from people who have suffered torments from piles, wouldn't you feel happier than the man whose life is devoted to money grabbing?
 ''Gentlemen-I have been suffering with fistula for the past twenty years. During that time l have tried numer- ous remedies, all of which have failed.
 '"TwO months ago I determined to give Peterson's Ointment a trial. The improvement was so decided after using one box, that I have continued, and on the completion of the fifth box am now entirely cured.
 ''This is written with the view of passing along the good word to other sufferers" Very truly yours, Chas. E. Caswell, 2S2 Third street, Albany, N. Y.
 Besides piles Peterson's Ointment is just as good for ulcers, old and run ming sores, boils, eczema, itching skin, sore feet, prickly heat, sunburn, chaf- ing, cuts, burns, bruises, scalds and scores of other ailments us any drug gist anywhere will tell you. 35c, COG, s1 1.O0.-Adv.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26

Kennedy, which will be shown at the Capitol theatre today and tomorrow. The story tells of young playwright and musician, both of them failures as far as their professions go, who, spurred on to further efforts by April Blair, little slavey in the Home for Artistic Failures, of which they are inmates, come to live in New York City in the vicinity of Washington square. Here Edgar Craig starts work on his new play, and Joe Renard takes April in hand-for she has hopes of some day becoming a great stage star.
 Aprils dream becomes reality when their little attic studio is visited by an eminent theatrical manager, whom April recognizes as Nanny Bean he, too, was at one time member of the old home
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
IOVEMAN JOSEPH 6IOEB
F etc hing frock k $ that dare to be different
 s45

Mandarin tunics, demure peasant fash ions, stately Victorian gowns and the trim, boyish models, characterize this charming choosing exploited in crepe Repose, foulard prints, .satin-faced Canton, Roshonara, printed crepe, flat crepe, Canton crepe and crepe de Chine with colorful sprinkling of gay fan nels.
 Sherwho sponsors only frocks that are sure of their smartness, finds these de- fghtful at $45.
 Ths Fsshisn FIeer-secsnd
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26

If there is one thing of which the great American public cannot get enough it is stories of adventure and romance with pair of lovers fight ing their way through many obstacles and dangers to the ultimate "and they lived happily ever after" From the ob- scure clerk to the university president all relish tales that stir our emotions and make our blood run faster as we unconsciously take upon us the iden- tity of the characters entertaining us.
 Such stories have had the greatest success of all when transferred to the screen, for that is the greatest medium for yisualizing the action conceived by the author. The figments of imagina- tion take on life and become real per- sons to us.
 That is one of the reasons why
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
LOEW'S BIJOU

Laughter in large doses has been evoked at every performance at Loew's Bijou during this week by Al Shayne, '"The Singing Beauty" who is the scoring hit, assisted by Frank Donia, and running him close second in head line honors is the musical and dance revue of Virginia Ogden and her com pany of artists, in "Flashes of Melody and Dance"
 Rounding out this unusually diver sified bill there is also a special treat for the children presented by the Palermos dogs in an act displaying un- usual animal intelligence, while the singing team of Stilwell & Frazer,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26

Black text, self-pronouncing, cen ter column references, Author ized Version.
 Thousands of helps, references and original readings for Sunday school teachers and scholars
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
High time for EnSter
 brides
to choose their.
 trOlESSeU1gG

Just now when Spring brides-to-be are head over heels in the joyous task of choosing "hope chest" un- dies, come smart new sets of trousseau lingerie thirty hours from New York" and from exclusive Fifth Avenue makers.
 Shimmering creations of crepe back satin, crepe de Chine and Georgette in white, flesh, orchid, peach, sunset and pale blue are clinging and smooth fit ting to wear beneath fash ions sh cath : like ail- houettes.
 Some have coquettish little lace pockets, all are elab- orately trimmed after the true Parisienne fashion with embroidered net, real laces, tucked chiffon and fluttering satin ribbons. Two, three and four piece sets include gowns at SI3.5O to $35: teddies at $IO.S5 to $26, costume slips and petticoats, $I5 to $35.
 The Fashion Fleor-Sseend
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26

along with the well known team of Stone & Ioleen, whose comedy skit Tangled Wires" and special features keep the disabilities of the audience busy.
 "May Time," the screen feature of the week, based on the well known stage play of that name, features also many noted beauties, including Bir- mingham's own Josephine Haynes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
Large-print Bible, $1.98

Family record, too Textile leather, divinity circuit, round corners. red edges, 1928 pages-a good serviceable Bible at a special price, $I.s6.
 (Mail orders filIed)
 BSak SA.p-azRm FzssR
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26

'Tis simply a matter of seeing this group of stunning gowns to be assured that they completely satisfy the exact ing demands of the slim, sleek maids and matrOns of fashion.
 SiIhouettes keep straight and slender with delicious air of youthful sophis- ication about them.
 Sleeves must be long for street wear or travelling, short for afternoon and sports and really smart dinner gowns are usually sleeveless
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
LOCAL DATA
WINDS

East Gulf: Gentle to moderate variable and weather fair Wednesday.
 West Gulf Moderate southeast and south, and Weather fair Wednesday.
 Caribbean sea and windward passage: Moderate northeast and north, and wealth CT fair Wednesday.
 Sandy Hook to Hatteras: Increasing southeast and south; unsettled weather and rain Wednesday.
 Hatteras to Florida Straits: Moderate variable, becoming fresh south and south west on the Carolina and Georgia coasts and generally fair Wednesday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
FILM SHOWS LIFE
 M STUDIO VILLAGE

Greenwich Village, New York, stu dio life as it is and not as some writ CTS are wont to depict it, is a scene 0f many interesting sequences in "The Purple Highway" featuring Madge
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
Dr. COodspeed's American
translation, $l.5O

A popular edition of the famous American translation of the New Testament by the famous scholar who lectures here tonight. Pocket size, clOth-bOund, printed on good quality thin paper in clear type, with chap ter and verse numbers on inner margins $1.5O Another elOth-bOund book, gold slammed &2
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
CHIFFON SILK .$l.85
 

As fashionable Fifth Avenue as serviceable as Se- ling silver, as new as the first robin Infinite variety of Spring shades such as silver pear Piping Rock, jack rabbit, gunmetal Belgique blush, sunset, French nude, gOld black Sheer and clear of weave surprisingly durable in wear Fulfashioned with full silk sandal foot snugftting ankle, hghspced heel and sturdy lisle garter top, $1.S5 pair.
 ALL SILK from top to toe, special, $s.5O
 -Mala nsss
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
More end tables
 at $l5

Sold mahogany with book trough, graceful and enduring pieces any living room may show with pride.
 -TAird floor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
NEW strasU hGts,
 $I.95

New shapes and new shades in fine quality straws, including new combinations of tan and brown, SPECIAL.
 Main floer
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
Sketched:

A foulard print in midnight blue on 8 toast background has three pleated tiers to form the skirt and simple blouse with a round lace, yoke.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-03-26
iUdsh suits for boys,
 $I.95

Unusually complete selec- tion of models, shades and combinations of coloring- all warranted FAST COL OR-long or short sleeves. some with dimity waists, others in serviceable dark plain colors, all boys sizes from two to eight, SPE- CAL at $I.95.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12

bungling of men Of inferior capacity
who have been selected as bureau
officials because of their political in
1uence," said DR.. Frank F. Hutch
ms. former United States Veterans
Bureau director, at the Hilton u.
Brown Jr. legion post luncheon to-
day at the SEVERN. THE greatest
reconstruction is the reconstruction
of men" he said.
He said the war should be made a
blessing instead of a curse. City
Judge Delbert o. Wilmeth will
speak next week.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
Trouble Follows Trouble

Frank Campbell Of St Louis. Mo.,
IS held to the Federal grand jury
under bond Of $4,000. charged with
Transporting stolen automobile
from Indianapolis 70 GreenSburg
Pa. Hearing was held before United
states Commissioner Howard $
Young Tuesday afternoon. Campbell
was arrested al Michigan city
where he had completed seven
teen-month term in the Indiana
state Prison on another charge.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
FALSE ALARMS GIVEN
Police Have Description of Boys
Who Make Calls.

Mrs. Harry Steck. 92S y. Senate
Ave. told police two colored boys
had been visiting her store and us
ing the phone to call police and fire
headquarters in giving false reports.
Police had mtde a rum 10 Senate
Ave. and Tenth St. on report that
a man was dead.
Mrs Steck told officers she re
ceived a false CARL that her husband
had been killed at Tenth st and
Capitol Ave. Another time She was
told her house was ON FIVE. Police
learned descriptions Of the boys.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
;ALL FOR SINGERS
indianapolis Oratorio Society Begins
Rehearsal of 1.-THE Messiah"

indianapolis persons who enjoy
singing are asked to meet at SIS
y. m. Monday night in Holenbeck
Hall 1t The Y. W. c A. 800 n Penn
sylvania St. to sing with the In
lianapols Oratorio Society, which
will present THE Messiah" al Cadle
Tabernacle just before Christmas.
Four hundred persons are wanted.
About 15e rehearSe at present.
There is no cost for music. books or
membership.
Horace Whitehouse is director.
Organization was formerly known
as the Peoples Chorus.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
PURE CREAM STOPS
CATARRH AND COLDS

Colds and catarrh yield like magic
TO soothing, healing antiseptic cream
that penetrates through every air
passage and relieves swollen, in
famed membranes Of nose and
throat. Your clogged nostrils open
right up and you can breathe freely.
Hawking and snufiing stop Don't
stay stuffed III and miserable.
Get a small bottle of Ely's Cream
Balm from your Druggist. Apply a
little in the nostrils and get instant
relief. Millions endorse this RENE
edy known for more than fifty
years-AdveTtisem
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
FUNERAL HOUR IS SET
Mrs. Elizabeth NJ. Jonas 10 Be
Buried Friday.

Funeral services Of Mrs. Elizabeth
n. Jonas, 50, who died Tuesday, will
he held at $3.50 a. IN. Friday at the
residence Of her daughter. Hubert
Riley. 63B n. Pine St, and at 9 a
m. at st. Joseph's Catholic Church
Burial in Holy Cross Cemetery.
Surviving are the husband,
Charles G. Jonas; four daughters.
Mrs. Riley and Miss Naomi Jonas
Of indianapolis. Mrs. Logan Kratzer
Of Sunman. Ind. and Mrs. Franz
Harold of Los Angeles, Cal, and
three sons. Harry and William, Of
Los Angeles and Francis Of Indian
aDOlis.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
EXPRESS HEAD TO TALK
X. +. VI. Cowie VIII ADDRESS OFF
Cials sunday

Robert Z NJ. Cowie Of New York
City. president American Railway
Express Company who VIII be one
Of the speakers at the convention Of
the National Chamber OF Commerce
here next week. viii address express
and railroad officials sunday evening
I'm the Offices 81 Superintendent H..
II. Calllins. 525 Postal station build
ing. according to l.. w Hornlng
president Right Way Club
Meeting Will be open to all traffic
men.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1924-11-12
BOND COUNTERFEIT RING
Illinois state Official Charged With
Part in Fraud.

81 Hitcd Press
CHICAGO. Nov. 12.-Ben New
mark. assistant State fire marshal
was under arrest today ON charge Of
counterfeiting Government obl.sa-
tons. including baby war bonds.
Newmark ana dozens Of others in
all parts Of the country passed
bogus obligations, totaling 100000,
Federal officials say.
Ten men. including Newmark
and Thomas Boyle, noted in political
circles. have been arrested