The Washington times., 1924-11-06
With The
Abb Artists
"a Cross Section Of the
Daily Grind in Judge
Schuldt's Court.
Read En- and Weep.
By DONALD MeDoUGAL.
TTT TAT TOE.

4A4 0AA1 10AAs
Were from Akron, Ohio, your
honor. and we're staying down
at the tourists camp here. Yes.
terday we started out to see the
sights and were crossing Pennsyl-
vania Avenue at East Executive
Avenue when this man ran into
US with truck and knocked our
Ford sedan all out Of shape. They
had to send for q can-opener be-
fore they could get us out.
The defendant staggered up to
US and wanted to see my permit.
He'd been drinking, your honor"
How do you know he'd been
drinking?"
"By the way he staggered, by
the way his breath stnelt. and
by the way he insisted on seeing
my permit, although / wasn't
driving. ] showed him q rattle
ticket for a Winchester rifle, and
he was sim scowling ut 1t when
the officer came up"
Boob: tits dishyer Fode what
ruined into nah truck. yo 'onnah.
All ain never hit no cyah .yit.
Dey runs from behine q street
cyah--"
Which way was the street car
going?"
A Safe Bet.
"Ah dom zackly know. but 'twaz
agwine one. way or tuddef."
You must have been pretty
drunk II you didn't know which
way the street car was going
you must have been pretty drunk
to see that car at all-no one
else saw it,"
"Deed All wuzn't drunk, 70
'onnah., All dess nuhvous-dat
howcoIne All staggers."
"And il that howcome your
breath smelt like Q whiskey bar
rel?"
NAV sub. All wuz a.eat'n' Of
q apple"
"You'll have to get something
fresher than that. washington IL
probably the most up-to-date abb
city in the world-we're first
nighters here-we like 'em young
and tender-and when you come
out with a 6.000-year-old propo-
sition like that one"
"Dishyer apple moughtY stong,
yo' 'onoah, an de folks done smell
1t an dey thinks Abs been
drink'n'
1.-THE court thinks so, too, Thirty
days straight"
The Perfect Crime.
He ran past your traffic sign,
did he, officer?"
mo, sir--he took it along with
him. Ninth street had the right
Of way. and he ran up the Ave-
nue. and scooped my whole outfit"
where were you when this
happened?"
lust out of reach, your honor.
saw him In time to escape the
scoop, and I followed in another
car. He was awful drunk-and I
found a full half-pint bottle Of
corn Ia his pocket, an empty pint
bottle Of gin on'the floor"
Counsel What does an empty
bottle Of gin look like?"
1T looks like he'd been drinking
too much. l can tell you what It
smells like, zoo, Il"
Never mind"
"And on the rear seat / found a
quart bottle of sarsparrilla."
You don't claim that sarspar-.
lila Is intoxicating, do your
Wen, 1t helps a lot. It depends
on how you mix it."
Boob: Il won't do it any more,
your honor"
Not for some time you won't
Thlrty days straight"
The Salient Feature.
II was parked at the north.
east corner of Twelfth and I
streets, your honor, and the de.
rendant ripped the running board
OF my car, wabbled catter-cor.
nered across the street, and parked
against a brick wall. He was
unconscious when reached him."
counsel: That was from hit
ting the wall. wasn't it, Off.
Ger? He had heavy jolt?"
1T was from hitting the bottle
he had three or four heavy
Boob: IT havAn't had a. drink
since last Christmas, your honor.
A friend Of mine gave it to
me-"
That's more durable than most
Christmas presents. What the
court Is going to give you won't
last anything like that long,
but"
You see, your honor"
Cant see anything to It but
thirty days straight"
NO kidding.--D. Med.
COL. SL0CUM ELECTED