davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
IT'S "A GREAT
LIFE
By Les Conklin.

IN ANIsH Count has livery
stable Job IN California.
When giving an order, his
boss says: my Lord. the carriage
waits to be creased"
Trannps in English jail forced
to wear nightshirts. Certain PEG.
pie In this country who parade
. around in,those things might also
be better OF behind the bars.
It's An III Wind
Manageable boss' grandfather
died this Inornlng-you get two
days. vacation.
Stenographer-Gee, ain't that
great!
II looks as IL there win be moro
rebellions In Europe and Asia
q scientist predicts that radio
speeches win soon be broadcast
around tho world.
Novelties.
A cowcatcher that catches a
( cow instead Of knocking It off the
track.
A fond mother asking the opera
singer next door to chant q IuI.
laby for her restless baby.
Dehutantes playing pinochle at
q restaurant while waiting for
their orders.
Bearded boxer in Los Angeles
has won seven bouts in success
sion. With a mattress padding
his chin, nobody can knock him
out.
Things We Could Get Along
Without.
The fancy bow on a mans felt
hat.
The secondhand on an alarm
clock.
The "how to open" directions
on a box Of shoe paste.
The expression "It isn't tho
money: it's the principle Of the
thing"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
NOW TLLTELL
ONE
By Nat N. Dorfman.

THE poorhouse can't be such
a dreadful place after all be.
cause so many nice people
we know are headed in that direc-
tioaA
Women who talk too much are
like the radio. Both generally
give off lot Of static.
A philosopher once said that
what can't be cured must be en-
dured, but It seems to US there
ought to be a law against the
teaching Of saxophone playing by
correspondence.
It is safe to predict that even
though many women are known
to have the Presidential bee, still
not one Of them has the courage
to throw her hat into the ring.
The radio has turned us into a
nation Of unmitigated liars.
You can easily tell the differ
ence between hick and a city
guy by the way the city guy is
guyed with respect to his superior
wisdom.
An art gallery has been opened
on the top floor Of a New York
Skyscraper. reads an announce
ment. That's high art for you.
Ford's announcement that an
automobile is now within the
reach of all comes coincidental
with the report Of the increase in
the number struck by them.
An actor, famous for a cele-
brated humorous yarn, heard an.
other son Of Thespis spring it be-
fore a gathering, and forthwith
started a suit. A case Of where
history repeats itself.
Anybody can write the tune Of
Q popular song. according to a
writer. Yes, and it's only when
you try to get publisher to
accept it that you really get the
air.
Our idea of a tough place to
start q barber shop is in Russia.
Everything seems to be so quiet
and peaceful down in Mexico we
are beginning to suspect the
American newspaper correspond
ents down there are on a vaca-
ton.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

Biggs-There goes poor Mr..
Newlywed. pushing the baby car.
riage UP and down the street.
I'll bet he'd much rather 70 out
with the rest Of the boys playing
golf.
Jiggs - What's the difference;
he's following the bawl, isn't he?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
FAMOUS ALIBIS

1T would be nice to plant a
garden Louise, but I'd better not
il we're thinking Of moving next
fall. It would be shame for me
to do all the work and have the
next tenant reap the benefits"
IT can't motor out to the High
way Inn with you, Joe; take me
home. Mom'n Pop are going to
a midnight supper tonight and 1
promised to come back early and
watch the baby"
You and Mamie had better
wait until a year from June be-
fore getting married, Horace.
Marriage should not be rushed
into after such a short engage.
ment. 1t is not fair either &c my
daughter or yourself"
II would love to mind the baby
for you this afternoon, Mrs.
Flipp, but I promised to meet my
husband downtown and help him
carry home the groceries. Try
old Mrs. Jellup; she's crazy about
babies"
Sorry, but can't spare you
five-spot, old man-I'm afraid to
do it. You see the wife makes
me give her my salary every pay
day, and she'd shoot me II some
Of 1t was missing"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

You work at so much an hour.
You exercise on your town time.
The worker only needs a pick
and shovel. The boss provides
that.
The other birds requires q lot
Of clubs, rackets ana gloves. He
pays for them right out Of his
own pay envelope.
The one sits right down to sup
per in his regular clothes.
The other has to have a shower
with two kinds Of water, and an
other scent collar before he can
eat.
The worker thinks the other
guy Is well off, with a dignified
job-inside on rainy day.
The exerciser knows the other
lad has the edge on him.
Sometimes they change. The
worker joins the ranks Of exer-
cisers and the other boy keeps
right on with his old stuff.
One goes along by heavy work.
The other depends on a heavy
line.
Take your pick-tooth or. clay.
Suggested Inventions.
Stand-up collar-Stands up for its
own rights when the laundryman
tries to rip 1t. ~
Suicide pictures-Hang themselves
on the wall while the spring house
cleaning rodeo is in progress.
Pocket compass-For pedestrians,
telling them from what direction
automobiles are Approaching.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

When trying to convince some.
body that your radio set is the
best one in the neighborhood, ask
the girl in the apartment below
to strum on her ukelele. Then
tell your guest that you have
Honolulu,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

Always take q bicycle along
when touring in your flivver. If
the engine goes dead, you can tow
the car homo with the bika.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

When the boss leaves for the
day.. wait ten minutes before
parking in his easy chair for a
chat with the stenographer. Then
you won't be caught red-handed
II he should suddenly return for
his rubbers.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
HISTORICAL

Flanders was the first country
to grow carrots. Strange to say,
the other nations have never
punished her for introducing the
vegetable.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

The ancient Greeks first learned
to dance, then turned to wrestling.
Wrestling also seems to have
taken the place Of dancing among
certain young people of the pres.
emit day.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

Molinus, a religious Spaniard.
had q theory that people should
spend all their time in silent
meditation. His followers, though
large in number at one time, con.
sisted entirely Of members of the
male sex.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

If you are one stroke behind
when playing golf with a bitter
enemy, throw his ball into the lake
when he isn't looking.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
LOOSE TALK

II can't understand why L keep
my weight. You know how little
I eat, not enough to keep bird
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

If your bride is unable to get
dinner on time because she has
trouble opening canned goods,
buy her a goat for a household
NET
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

Sometimes they change. The
worker joins the ranks Of exer-
cisers and the other boy keeps
right on with his old stuff.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

The other depends on a heavy
line.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
Suggested Inventions.

Take your pick-tooth or. clay.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
FIRST AID

If your lazy brother-in-law,
who is sponging on you, refuses
to look for a job because it
hurts him to walk in his new
brogues, trade shoes with him.
It is better to have your toes
pinched than your pocketbook.
When you want to get at the
telephone booth ahead of the
other tenants, tell your wife to
start calling you names. Then
you can use the phone when they
rush from the booth and gather
around the keyhole outside your
apartment.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

One goes along by heavy work.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

The exerciser knows the other
lad has the edge on him.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07
EXERCISES

You work at so much an hour.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-06-07

The radio has turned us into a
nation Of unmitigated liars.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30

Miss Elizabeth Mccoy, spending the
spring vacation at her home in Ian.
caster, returned to her school at Ed.
gerton Sunday.
"a cans of trout were unloaded in
Lancaster last week and Immediately
distributed by local nimrods to the
streams of this vicinity With the adj
vent of the Izaak Walton league in
terest in. fish and game has received
renewed impetus this year.
Miss Myrtle Barr, grammar teacher
in the Lancaster schools the past
year has accepted a similar position
at Bloomington and will teach there
next year. Miss Barr taught at
Bloomington prior to coming to Lam
caster
George Kneesgren of DEBORAH, Ia,
cripple, was in Lancaster Thursday
selling pencils and shoe laces Mr.
Kneesgren has a wife and three chill
dren to support and takes this means
of caring for them in an honorable
manner. He reports business as being
good.
Six local persons wrote the exam
ination for clerk-carrier for the Lam
caster postoffice under the direction
of Anime Showalter, official-in-c charge
of local civil service work. Depart
ment rules forbid giving out the
names of those writing but the sue
cessful candidate will be announced
shortly.
w. F. Ferguson of Madison, travel
ing salesman for the ROundy, Peck
ham & Dexter Co., Milwaukee whole
sale grocers, was in Lancaster We'd
nesday calling on his trade. Mr.. Fer
guson has spent SO years as travel
ing man and is entering his 10th
cycle Of road work. 81 years have
been spent with the Roundy, Peck
ham & Dexter firm which speaks well
for his ability and faithfulness.
Hewlett Barnett has accepted po-
sition as clerk at the Wright House,
replacing Earl Kovar who resigned
recently on account of poor health
and returned home to Milwaukee.
Mrs. Mary Mccormick, who left
Lancaster last fall on a seven thous-
and mile trip to Canada, the west
coast, southwest and return, is now
on her way home to Lancaster. When
last heard from Mrs. Mccormick was
visiting in Ell Paso. She reports hav-
ing had a delightful trip and to have
seen a number of wonderful and in
teresting things.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30

Mr.. and Mrs. Jos. Sweeney of La
Crosse are visiting at the VIM Turn
er home
Mrs. j. T. Williams writes the Her
aid from Bull, Idaho, stating she is
on her way home to Lancaster after
winter visit at the burlington home
there.
Misses Leone Kerr of Hurricane
and Loretta Pluemer of Potosi re-
turned to their studies at Platteville
Normal Wednesday following Easter
visits at their respective homes.
Delbert Morrissey of Bloomington
township was in Lancaster Monday as
member of the county committee on
rural schools. Rural supervisors for
the coming year were selected.
Earl Grimes, employed in a Chicago
pharmacy, returned to his work Sun
day following visit at home. He
was called here to attend the funeral
of the late Willie Green.
Phil ROesch writes the Herald from
Eau Gallie, Fla, saying that he and
Mrs. Roesch would leave there on
Tuesday, April %, for Lancaster.
here the past week with her husband,
a North Western road employee.
reception was held in honor of
Rev. Arhelger and wife Friday with
a large number attending. Rev. Ar
helger preached his final sermon at
the Congregational church Sunday,
April 27.
Work was started yesterday wreck
ing the old Sunday school room at the
Evangelical church. The old building,
20x24, will soon be replaced by a
building 36x42 with modern base
arranged for social uses.
John D. Beetham is free on bonds
and appears for trial in October. His
bonds of $1,000 were signed last Mon
day night by his brothers, Frank and
Clyde, E. R. Walker making the ne
cessary arrangements.
The auto license board at Madison
has ruled that Fords having demount-
able rims and electric starter shall
be classified as "B" instead of class
"a" along with the common or garden
variety of the vehicles, according to
j. L. Grindell of Platteyille.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30
CASSVILLE

Misses Leila Biggin and Retha Nc
Dowell were in Dubuque Saturday.
Miss Lena Schier closed her school
at Fennimore Friday and returned to
her home Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Arlie Mann of Nc
GregOr were visitors at the John Pot
ter home recently.
The C. H. S. seniors are giving
their class play What Happened to
JONES'" at the Concert hall Friday
evening, May 2.
Mrs. Catherine Scheier spent a few
days in Dubuque last week in attend
ance at the Schumacher and ulhol-
land wedding.
Miss Mary Bossert of Moro, Mimi,
is here visiting for week or two.
Mrs. Phoebe Boardman died at the
home of her daughter, Mrs. E. Wilcox,
Wednesday, and the funeral services
were held Friday with interment at
Greeley, Ia, beside her husband who
died number of years ago.
Mr. and Mrs Orlo Stephens and Mrs.
Downer Kilby were here last week
to attend the funeral of Mrs. Ritner
Stephens at Dodge church Saturday
afternoon. The body arrived from Da-
kota Thursday.
Miss Viola Hernon visited at Hurr1-
cane at the Frank Elwell home few
days last week
Joe Bossert went to Hinsdale on
Monday to drive home his Hup which
he left there in the winter when dr1v-
ing was bad.
Mrs. Billie Brun of BeetoWn visited
at the Arch Winner home last week
on her way home from Dubuque.
The Ladies' Aid bazaar was we'll at
tended Wednesday and a neat sum
was realized from the different de-
partments.
Mr.. and Mrs. Mike Conrad have
moved from the Baptist parsonage to
rooms in the Ashley building.
Mr.. and Mrs Aft Kirschbaum are
oarents or a son porn thursday.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30
Does Your Back Ache?
Bad Backs Bring Suffering to Many
Lancaster Folks.

Is that dull, constant backache max
ing you old and miserable? Does
your back throb and ache until it
seems you just can't keep going? Do
you suffer headaches, dizzy spells and
urinary disorders; feel weak, tired and
WORKOUT? Then look to your kidneys.
Delay may mean serious kidney sick
ness! Use Doan'S Pills--a stimulant
diuretic to the kidneys. Doan's are
recommended by Lancaster folks.
Mrs. C. Hupenbecker, N. Adams St.
Lancaster, says: "My back often
started to ache at night and along to-
ward morning got very painful. The
misery almost took my breath away.
Seeing Doan's Pills advertised, | got
a box at Hatch's Drug Store. After
using them the troubles left me and
now am feeling all right"
Price 60c, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for kidney ren1edy-get
Doan's Pills - the same that Mrs
Hupenbecker had. Foster Milburn Co.,
Mfrs, Buffalo, N. Y.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30
WYALUSING

T,ouis Wetmore and family of
Bloomington visited relatives here.
Matte Mayne of Woodman was here
Saturday.
]. e. Griest and Ernest Hancock
were in McGregor recently.
The first steamboat to pass up the
river this spring was the Dandellon
There have been several small crafts
pass.
parents at WOOdman
Harvey WillmOnts of Clayton, Ia,
are moving into the Ellie Hill home.
Ashton Morrell and Chas. Hartllne
and Geo Sedlmayer lost their hay by
people setting fire on the bottom
where it was stacked.
Ed Koecke and wife who have been
at Margueritta, Ia, came home sun
day.
Who says we have a late spring?
We have had lots of pies made OF
fresh pie plant grown this spring IN
the garden, asparagus, danuelloh
greens and green onions.
Claude Quarterman and family OF
Galesburg, ILL.,, were here.
Jerry Day of Bagley is here. He
b,1i1t a wall under J. E. Griest's porch,
mastered Reggie Church's kitchen
and is now building cistern for
him. 1
Henry Sellicks of Marquette, Iowa,
is here.
Lee Griest and family of Savanna
visited Lees uncle, ]. E. Griest.
Ralph Hamilton of Savanna was
| here.
Mrs. Paul Lawrence spent week
with relatives in P. D. c. Her little
how had tonsilitis while there. MI.
lawrence went up Sunday and brot
| them home.
Geo. Morrell of La Crosse was here
for few days with his people.
Mrs. ]. ]. Foehringer spent Easter
| in La Crosse.
school opened Monday the 2lst al
for a weeks vacation. Miss Thomas
snent the week at her home IN Mont
| fort. e -
Myrle Dolphin came home from her
| school work at Boscobel for the sum-
mer vacation. u+. -
Chas. McKenny was at Lancaster to
the road school.
Ed Burrows went to Lancaster al
for dynamite for P. A. Lawrence.
T, 7. Dack of P. D. c. had a monu-
ment nut up on their lot in the GEM
aterv ]. L. Grindell of Platteville sci
it up. .,+o
Chas. Dolphin and w. Hamilton
were in Lancaster last week.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30

| Virgil Showalter drove to Potosi
Wednesday for his mother, Mrs. Mar
tina Showalter, who returned from Ell
Paso, Texas, where she spent the
winter. Mrs. Showalter had the flu
while in the south and was quite i'll
but is now making rapid progress
toward recovery and her usual good
health and spirits.
Mr.. and Mrs J. L. Grindell of
Platteville were in Lancaster Wednes-
day with their fifth and youngest son
to consult doctors here regarding the
child's illness. The babe, now past
three months of age, had been sick
for some time Local diagnosis was
that the child had been sick with in
faintile paralysis The parents were
advised to take the babe to Chicago
specialist.
Monday, April 81, was the 25th an
niversary of the wedding of Mr.. and
Mrs Matt Zenz and in the evening
the couple entertained around one
hundred relatives and old friends at
a silver wedding party at the Grant
land club rooms. A seven o'clock din
ner was followed by dancing and So
cial converse until a late hour. Mr..
and Mrs. Zenz received a number of
useful and beautiful presents. They
are respected farmers of the Lancas-
ter vicinity, residing about three miles
south of town on the Hurricane road
where they have a pleasant farm
home. Their children are four-Helen,
Leo, Gerald and Martha. The guests
departed at a late hour wishing Mr..
and Mrs Zenz many happy returns of
the day.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30
BAGLEY

DR. Baldwin of Bloomington was
called to see Mrs. Gus Pohle who is
confined to her bed by illness.
Mr.. and Mrs. Callie Golf and daugh-
fer Oral of Pra. du Chen, and MI
and Mrs. Willard Spauuding OF Iowa,
and Mr.. and Mrs. Tom Lane Oh
BRIDGEPORT, spent Easter Sunday at
the home of Henry Ruckdaschel.
Philip Reitz and wife and daughter
Helen of Savanna, came up last lues-
day to visit Mrs. Reitz's sister, MIS-.
Herb Strong, and family
Mrs. Otto Plondke of Charme. spent
over night with her mother-ln-laW'
Mrs. Julious Plondke Sr., thursday
Mrs. Lue Griest and daughter re-
turned to their home in Savanna on
Thursday.
Mrs. Ida Christensen and son went
to La Crosse last week
There was a silk train passed down
Wednesday.
John Harris returned from Dubuque
Wednesday after his operation LOT
appendicitis. He is getting along me
Mrs. Harold Wilbur went TO De
troit, Mich, Friday, to JOIN her nus
band who is working there.
Mrs. Claud Quarterman ana lwo
children returned to their nome III
Galesburg, Ill, Friday ,.4+,o
Mrs. Lee Foster took her illlIe
daughter to Dubuque Friday ana re-
turned Saturday. The doctor says Tue
little girls eyes are better ana tnlhhS
they will be all right. -
Joe Alexander of St. Paul came on on
Thursday to spend his birthday WIN
his twin brother George. Joe lett Ior
Lancaster Friday. -
Mrs. Merle Chance ana llttle so i4
went to Polo, Ill, Saturday, TO Nisl'
her sister. Mrs Nellie Hersch.
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Scnmltz anu
two daughters of Savanna came ny
Sunday to visit her parents, MI anu
Mrs. Edgar Marshall. 81,
The state railroad commission WI
meet in P. D. C. May in regard -
having train 81 stop here when WIN
be a great benefit to the puollc as
well as for mail.
The Cooperative Co. shlppeu d ca
of hogs and calves Sunday.
Mrs. Fred Barr of Savanna return
ed home Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Will Taylor are NOV
inc into the Geo. Hodge house IRON
Blakes Prairie. :
Mr.. and Mrs Verne HaufenpuTg o
Bridgeport visited at the v II. rive
coat home Sunday.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1924-04-30
LOCAL ITEMS

Mrs Grace Huberty of Freeport.
ILL.,, has been visiting her brother,
Ora Sitter.
Miss Jean Mcmahon visited her
brother, Jack Mcmahon, in Lancaster
last week.
Leo Keehner, Potosi garage man,
went to Milwaukee yesterday to drive
out a new Overland car.
Mrs Edwin Jiru and son went to
Madison Wednesday for a weekend
visit with relatives.
Mrs. S. l.. Virum left Saturday for
Stevens Point and Minneapolis where
she will visit relatives.
Mrs. John Edge went to Blue Riv-
er Wednesday to visit her sister, Mrs.
Lord, for a week or so.
Miss Janice Eastman, teaching at
Darien, spent the spring vacation at
her home in Lancaster.
Mrs. Fred Pickering went to Mad
isOn Wednesday to attend a confer
ence of Bell Telephone ouerators.
Floyd and Charles Pollock went to
Mason City Saturday to engage in car
penter work there for the summer
Mrs VIM. Haag and children went
to Mt. HOreb Monday for a visit with
..
G. e. Briggs, local manager of the
Wisconsin Telephone Co., has rented
the Mrs. Catherine Nathan residence
Mr. and Mrs. VIM. Galloway are
home from TT. Pierre, S. D., where
they were called by the illness of the
latter's mother.
Walter Weber has bought the Jas
McBrien residence of the McBrien es-
tate and after repairing same will
occupy the place soon.
Mrs S. T. Runkell and daughter
Clara, returned home to Madison Fri
day after a weeks visit with relatives
in PotOsi.
Miss Carolyn rockingham, now a
junior in the Madison high school,
spent the past week at the Oscar
Wright home here.
The Lancaster band goes to Bloom
ingtOn Friday night for a concert at
the Hatch opera house. A dance will
follow.
Mrs Ned Winskill and children of
Manchester, Ia. were recent over
Sunday visitors with Lancaster rela
tives
Mrs. r. A. Cree of Milwaukee is
visiting her son, Earl Duffy and fam
Duffy home brought about Mrs Cree's
visit
Geo. Gibbs has been quite sick with
stomach trouble the past week. Sun
day Mr.. and Mrs. Ed LANCE of Cobb
motored down to see Mr. and Mrs.
Gibbs.
Obituaries of Willie Green and Mrs.
Elizabeth Dudley have been handed
Loo in n
issue.
Mrs. Carl Walker went to MilWau-
kee Yesterday as local delegate to the
state convention of Congregational
missionary societies.
Miss Mildred Case has returned to
her duties at Doolittle hospital fol-
lowing a visit at the home OF her
brother, Frank, at Delavan.
Attorney j. w. Fleming OF Eau
Claire was a Friday and Saturday
visitor here O naccount of probate
court matters.
The hearing to be held by the rail
commission to determine whether or
not the Bagley train service is ade-
ouate will be held at Pra. du CHEN
at a. m. on May 8.
Mrs. Walter Weber went to Fenn1-
more Friday to attend the forensic
debate there Friday evening. Her
son. Paul, representing Lancaster
won first honors with an original adj
dress that was we'll thought out and
we'll rendered
The local Olds agency reports sales
of seven cars to local buyers the past
week. The purchasers were: John
NJ. Pink, Fred c. Burr, Judge 5; r,
Smalley, James Fowler, Albert PM
lips. Rollo Rich, and August Johnson
Of DrOItyi1Io