Belington progressive. [volume] (Belington, W. Va.) 1912-1927, 1924-11-13
Williams Bright
Remark
BY RALPH D. PAINE
% By doubleday. Page & CO..

! Dedulllul young daughter is a
blessing or curse" groaned Mr..
Henry Torrance as he dropped with a
thud into the nearest chair, Aggrieved
| and Mortified, the daughter exclaimed:
Il never dreamed that a fond parent
could say such a frightful thing as
that. What kind of a break have
made to deserve it,"
"Ernestine, before you rave, let your
father explain himself" chimed in her
mother. Sometimes his ideas are
| quite sensible"
Mr.. Henry Torrance was bald,
nervous man whose shoulders were
bowed from years of service at an Of
flee desk. A quizzical twinkle tenn
| pered his outbreak as he went ON to
say:
ITS not Ernestine's fault. It's those
| boys that come to see her. This one
| tonight was the limit Not morally.
He doesn't pack flask on his hip as
| far as | know. But when he thinks
| he is starting to go home at the end of
a perfect evening, his feet get glued
| " Lic HOOI. 1Ou huOW WHAT uedu.
Eyes, dad, 1 get you" sighed the
! fair young Ernestine. "'Ticky' Bal
lard is certainly shy self-starter. He
is dreadfully young, only seventeen,
and he hasn't learned how to break
away. Lots of nice boys are afflicted
that way"
take tonight as sample" grimly
pursued Mr.. Henry Torrance. HE
| quit fussing with that little Honolulu
banjo dingus at eleven o'clock. Mother
and l, having mid-Victorian manners,
drifted into the hall to say goodnight.
That boy got that far and stood for
thirty-five minutes. Yes he did. And
then he pried his feet loose and stalled
again in the porch for God knows how
long. 1t was not your fascination,
Ernestine, my child. He could see
you were yawning your head Off And
he was too sleepy to hold his own head
up. He simply could not make the
grade. What passes for his intellect
got damned"
"a very common disease, like
mumps," said Mrs. Torrance. Good
ness, Henry, don't I remember you at
that age? My father said he felt like
spanking you"
"Um-m, he was a mighty, touchy
unreasonable man in spots. Well,
stayed to the bitter end tonight, Ern-
estine. as an interested observer.
Whew, but my legs ache"
son." said the mother as fivver rat
tied and coughed in the driveway.
Let's ask him if he has the same diff
fculty."
Presently young William entered the
room, slipped on a rug, stumbled over
rocker and dived for a sofa. He
was too busy growing to be graceful
Several days later William, the
woman-hater, experienced a sudden
change of heart. The cause was a
fluffy little person who was visiting
the Ballard girls. William announced,
in aggressive tones. that he intended
to run over after supper. Mr.. Tor
rance displayed lively interest and
ventured to suggest:
Take warning from the reluctant
footed 'Ticky' Ballard, son."
Huh, guess I won't make holy
show of myself"
you never can tell, William. AS
man to man, take tip from me. On
your way over, try to think Of a bright
remark. Something snappy, with a
sure-fire laugh. Then when you get
ready to pick up your hat, shoot the
bright, remark and depart. Go out on
it. Don't linger for an encore"
THAT sounds good to me, dad, the
best thing yet. The dickens of it is
| may not find any bright one in the
old beam"
"Oh, yes, you WILL if you prepare
yourself beforehand.
William was impressed. He was al
ways serious when his father took this
man-to-man attitude. In fresh flannel
trousers, silken socks, hair slicked
back, he spurred the fivver out of the
driveway when the little stars were
shining in the sky. The family adj
justed itself for a quiet evening Ern-
eStlne was alone, Tor once. Promo
graph and piano were silent. She be-
came absorbed in a novel with kick
to it.
No more than three quarters of an
hour later they heard the fiivver re-
turn. This was perplexing In stalked
William, glowering. He registered
bitter dislike for his family. His ia
Their demanded:
Here, William, what went wrong?
Did she hurt your feelings or some
thing?"
Not her. One classy little jane,
I'll say so. Huh, ii was you that
spilled the BEANS"
For heavens sake, explain your
self, my son."
well, it was like this, understand!
l did think up a bright remark and it
was a corker. Well, l had been there
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