The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-05

 |M OVER
Dunn and Drummer See Use for Diabolica
 Ray in Champaign

 Ray in Champaign " | What do you know about diabolical rays?" asked Senator Dumm as he sat down on moving stairway and held his colleague Representative Drummer in his lap. l II got one last Christmas" replied Dunn. mer
 Got what?' demanded the senator, pug zled.
 A diabolical raise," returned Drummer 'The boss increased my pay $2 aNweek and made me work six hours week more for it. ' i You misunderstood me as usual,' com plained the senator. q am speaking of a new invention, the diabolical ray, deadly stream of light that will stop airplanes in flight, cripple automobiles and burn human beings It adds another horror to war;
 "Oh, that's the invention of this English man H. Grindell Matthews" exclaimed Dum- mer T read about it. He's running all over Europe trying to sell it to the highest bidder"
 If he has the ray, why shouldn't he get the dough, musically speaking?" demanded [ the senator.
 T have a great fear of the invention. , I said the senator sadly l Why" asked Drummer. | Just as sure as you're born they'll be starting quantity production of the instru- ments, once the secret gets out, and it'll be possible to buy them in the five and ten cent stores in few years. All the joy will be taken out of life the day it becomes pos sible for any enemy of a man to step into chain store and buy himself a diabolical ray shooter
 'Id like to have one around the house rxn1 r. ,rb Ea it possible for me to win one argument with my wife. I've thrown everything else on the market at her. But there's one thing I'd like to know about the diabolical ray"
 What's that?" asked the senator.
 When you've thrown it at person, can they throw it back?"
 T think not.'
 Good I'll put my order in now I'd en- joy sitting out behind the garage and bounc- ing a few diabolical rays off the missus' bean the next time she gets belligerent"
 "It's a terrible outlook" complained the senator, sadly. Every workingman in the world will want one. Can you imagine what it would mean to an office-hand to be able to have his own personal diabolical ray shooter and be able to singe the boss hair, raise blister on the efficiency mans nose and burn a few holes in the office-man- ager?"
 II understand America is bidding for the invention" remarked Drummer.
 Certainly! Both major political parties are anxious to get control of it for use in the presidential campaign"
 q don't follow you," said Drummer.
 "Stoopid Suppose the Republican party could get this diabolcal ray? All it would have to do would be to throw it on the Dem ocratic candidate and-pwoof !-burn him to a cinder It could parboil McAdoo, fric- assee Al Smith, roast Underwood la Vie nesse and melt Carter Glass There's only one candidate it couldn't hurt That's Bryan. He's been hit by everything and is fireproof."
 Suppose the Democrats get control of the diabolical ray?" asked Drummer.
 Their chances wouldn't be so good with it. Coolidge is to be the Republican candi- date and I don't think hot ray would be any good against him."
 Why not?"
 He'd probably freeze it..
 Well, anyhow remarked Dumhier, "the next world war will be good thing to avoid. It will be for firemen only. I'm off any war in which a man with a flashlight can cook vou any atvle he likes