davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10
MISSOURI
M I'D
By John r. MedburY.

TTlOURISTS who have driven
from California to New York
claim that there are 500 miles Of
bad road. One mile is in Iowa.
and the rest are in Missouri.
zone guy has been seven years
trying to get from st. Louis to.
Kansas city.
He says the mud is SO deep
that even pigs are making de-
tours.
One fellows machine sunk seven
feet in the mud the other day.
At would have gone further only
Il settled on top Of a Ford.
Another guy started digging in
the mud and found the Covered
\ Wagon.
Nearby States are beginning to
complain. Tourists get mud on
their shoes in Missouri mad wipe
their feet in Illinois.
Men and women both walk
home from automobile rides in
Missouri.
Most Of the roads are dirt and
Il it doesn't rain they send a
sprinkling wagon out over it.
One thing about their roads is
that they're never dusty. Mud
can't blow.
Tourists from California never
need a map to tell when they're in
Missouri. All they have to do is
look at the highway.
But the, roads aren't danger
Gus. because when you can't
move you cant hit anything.
In most States tourists read
the sign posts to keep on the,
highway, but in Missouri they
read the signs to keep off Of it,
One little kid asked his father
II they were on the right road to
st. Louis. The father said, Yes,
son, I'm afraid we are"
Just then the machine began
sinking and ten minutes later
AAO "e-6 Az SAAS AAA0AWAJ dP " AlAS
neck.
He holered to his wife to keep
her mouth closed so that she
wouldn't choke on the road.
When they got to st. Louis
they all agreed that Missouri had
the worst roads they had ever
tasted.
They spent three days at
hotel picking the highway out of
their teeth and scraping it off of
their shoes.
In spite of these terrible
roads the chamber of commerce
says that thousands of tourists
are settling between st. Louis
and Kansas City every year.
This is certainly the truth, be-
cause most of them get stuck
In the mud in Missouri and can't
get back,
Copyright, 1924. King Features
Syndicate. Incl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

NANNOI nelp DuJ envy tne
j trout, which has 20 look out
for hooks only six months Of tile
year.
Padding your own canoe u
easier work than pnshingsa baby
carriage.
Ny. insignificant salary doesn't
look so puRy when compared to
the net income Of several captains
OF industry when they get
through writing their monthly ali.
mony checks.
When a dowager with h0mely
daughter starts rushing you all
bloodhound to discover what's in
the wind.
have noticed that most brides
unconsciously stand between the
groom and the church door.
Life at our boarding. house IL
not without quarrels, but then
we, can always leave the house
when we feel like IL.
The girl who separates me from
my worldly goods viii have to
possess brains, beauty, the desire.
and the ability to support me, so
I'm not worrying much.
will confess ebeing relieved
that the season is over for house
parties, midnight sails, and fun
moons.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10
You will be startled how quickly
and thoroughly you can stop dEln
eruptions and beautify your
complexion with S. SIS.

SOAuPASAAOA WAA0 $685.
d IMPLIES are the first thing one
i notices in another persons
face. It is too often cruel in its
misjudgment. Il judges from what
It sees on the outside. Pimples are
easy to get rid Of. More red-cells!
That is what you need when you
see pimples staring at you in the
mirror. Red-cells mean clear, pure,
rich blood. They mean clear, rud.
dy, lovab1e compilations. They
mean nerve power, because all
your nerves are fed by your blood.
They mean freedom forever from
pimples, from blackhead pest, from
boils, from eczema and skin erup-
tons; from that tired, exhausted,
rundown feeling. Red-blood-c
are the. most important thing In the
world to each Of us. S.S.S. win aid
Nature in building them for you!
SIS. has been known since 1895
as one OF the greatest blood-build-
erS, blood-cleansers and system
strengtheners ever produced. Start
taking S.S.S. today. It's medicinal
Ingredients are purely vegetable.
n s. S. s. i cold at all rood
drug stores In two sizes. The
larger siae 10 more economical.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10
Cod Liver Oil
Full Of Vitamines
MAKES WEAK FOLKS STRONG
Take McCoy's Cod Liver
Oil Tablets.

Everybody knows that nasty-tasr-
ing, evil-smelling Cod Liver Oil IS
chock full of Vitamines and is q
wonderful flesh producer and
strength creator.
But who wants to swallow the
horrible stuff when these wonder
full tablets-McCoy's Cod Liver Oil
Tablets-are just as good and so
easy to take.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Men and women both walk
home from automobile rides in
Missouri.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10
OVER 50 YEARS OF SUCCESS

WEN % 16ANo OF SOCCESS
Mrs. ]. P. Trageses, of R. r, 3,
Bucyrus, Kansas. says: Father
Johns Medicine keeps all my chill.
cren healthy. 1t always relieves
their coughs and helps them make
flesh and strength
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10
BARKS FROM
"A BACHELOR
BY Les ConkIin.

II CANNOT help but envy the
u trout, which has 20 look out
for hooks only six months Of tile
year.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Most Of the roads are dirt and
II il doesn't rain they send a
eprinkling wagon out over it.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

/ have noticed that most brides
groom and the church door.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

One fellows machine sunk seven
feet in the mud the other day.
1T would have gone. further only
Il settled on top Of a Ford.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

He says the mud is so deep
that even pigs are making de-
tours.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Zone guy has been seven years
trying to get from st. Louis to
Kansas city.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Nearby States are beginning to
complain. Tourists get mud on
their shoes in Missouri mad wipe
their feet in Illinois.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

But the. roads aren't danger
Gus, because when you can't
move you cant hit anything.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Tourists FROM California never
need a map to tell when they're in
Missouri. All they have to do is
look at the highway.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

One thing about their roads is
that they're never dusty. Mud
can't blow.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Another guy started digging in
the mud and found the Covered
Wagon.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Padding your own canoe -
easier work than pnshingsa baby
carriage.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

In most States tourists read
the sign posts to keep on the
highway, but in Missouri they
read the signs to keep off Of it.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

Just then the machine began
sinking and ten minutes later
he was in the highway up to his
neck.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

TlOURISTS who have driven
from California to New York
claim that there are 500 miles Of
bad road. One mile is In Iowa
and the rest are in Missouri.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

One little kid asked his father
II they were on the right road to
St. Louis. The father said, Eyes,
gon, I'm afraid we are"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

He holered to his wife to keep
her mouth closed so that she
wouldn't choke on the road.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

They spent three days at a
hotel picking the highway out Of
their teeth and scraping it off of
their shoes.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-11-10

When they got to St. Louis
they all agreed that Missouri had
the worst roads they had ever
tasted.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
Pegler 5 Pegs
BY wEsTBRoOK PEGLER

retain
couldn't possibly special
taxi
in the
expire
Outside that Americas fair.
s
surviving
all improved
A. A.U
at
Will 10 plucking posies along the
T
shmy
technique of
really
absti
smoking
thons
distinction
DIV z. /,
ers keep De Mar who
Bill Kennedy paced
Reyeres
Reasonable to expect grandchildren
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06

NEW YORK, May 5.--The interesting
bui not exactly vital question whether
Quintin Romero-Rojas has weak feet,
the first query in a long and expehsive
QUESTIONABLE concerning various prize
fighters, will be taken up officially tAis
week by Floyd johnson Of Iowa, who
qualified as an authority on weakness
of the Yeet when less willard struck
him one day. last may.
1t Is q little known scientific fact that
the feet and the chin are connected by
the trunk lines OF the human nerve
system, and that IL there Is any weak
ness in the feet, slam In the mush, or
mouth, Is certain to make It acute. Or
dinariiy the strength or weakness of a
wandering Chilean field hands per-
sonal feet would be a matter Of in
finitesimal public interest and Senior
Romero would be advised to practice
the simple stratagem Of sitting down
IL in doubt. However, Tex Richard Inn
ported Senior Romero from Chile with
the eventual purpose of pitting him
against Jack Dempsey, and he defers
TO a natural desire Of his customers to
know whether his feet are used to
stand on or to flap around In the air
after he has been hit on the chin.
Grassy, Rickard Says
:. John Cox, a fight manager who has
lost much money through the rayages
of the dog-and-mush complaint in his
herd OF fighters, watched Senior Romero
at his first public training and re-
marked: Those look like elevator dogs
to me-
"Why you're Just plain crazy" re-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
MRS. GEISMER Is
new CITY CHAMP
Mrs. Kilby Defeated In
Title Finals Monday
A And 8

Mrs. H. s. Geismer Monday won the
city golf championship for women by
defeating Mrs. +. NJ Kilby, and 3,
over the Roebuck Country club course.
The champion played masterful brand
of golf to cop the crown. At the, turn
she was one up on Mrs. Kilby by virtue
Of taking the ninth hole. The tenth
and eleventh holes were split, but Mrs.
GeisnAer won the twelfth and thirteenth.
The fourteenth wasdivlded, bat Mrs.
Geismer ended the match by taking the
fifteenth hole.
In the consolation championship, Mrs.
Traynor defeated Mrs. Polk, one up, at
the nineteenth hole. 1t was the third
extra-hole match for Mrs. Traynor.
Mrs. Geismer will meet Mrs. Leibold
Tuesday morning in a match to play off
the tie for low medal score. Both ladies
turned in an excellent card of IS for
the qualifying round, and theftie will
be broken Tuesday. Mrs. Leiboid was
eliminated by Mrs. Kilby in the tourna-
ment.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
ENTRIES CLOSE
FOR Big MEET
Sixteen Southern Colleges
To Seek Honors AT
Cramton Bowl

MONTGOMERY, Ala, May 6.-En-
tries In the second annual track and
field meet of the Southern conference
closed tonight with 16 colleges OF the
southland heart and soul In the big
events which will, be staged at Cram
ton bowl Friday and Saturday. More
than 200 athletes, the pride of, Dixie,
are coming to Montgomery. Georgia
Tech, with team of % men. leads the
list Next comes Mississippi A. & NJ.
and Sewanee with IS each.
Preliminaries will be held Friday aft
ernoon, and on Saturday will come the
acid test I'M the semi-finais and finals.
Mississippi A. g NJ, 1928 champions,
will endeaver to hold the championship,
but there viii be other great teams to
battle for the Georgia Tech trophy.
Sewanee, according to all reports, is
certain to make creditable showing in
all events. Auburn Is coming to the
meet with 15 athletes, who have been
well trained this season. and the Tigers
are being looked upon as real con-
tenders. Alabama will bring a team of
IL men, 1t Is announced.
The only discouraging news came
when Tuscaloosa announced the Ill
ness of Irons, the athlete who had pre-
pared for the two-mile race. He is
said to be in a hospital suffering with
his heart.
There are four new teams in the
conference this year. They are Flori-
da, Sewanee, University Of Mississippi
and North Carolina State.
Bill Street of Birmingham, referee,
is expected to arrive Thursday night or
early Friday. Other officials from At
Ianta, Birmingham, New Orleans and
other places viii arrive with the teams
it Is stated.
Below is list of the entries:
Maryland, Clemson, North Carolina,
Georgia, Georgia Tech, Florida, Tu-
lane, l.. s. u, Vanderbilt, Tennessee,
Sewanee, Alabama, Auburn, Miss. A. 4
M, University Of Mississippi and Ken
lucky
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
SPECK'S TEAM
WINS IN LOOP

The VolIey Ball league at the Bir-
mingham Athletic cub got off Monday
afternoon with Arthur Speck's team set
tin gthe pace in the opening games.
The Speek combination Ndowned Mush-
ats aggregation in two-out-of-three
game contest at; the club Monday night.
All of the games were close and hard
fought. The first game went to the
Speck combine, 81 to 10, but Mushat
led his team to victory in the second,
81 to 10. However, the pace set by
Speck and his colleagues was too fast
and the third game went to them, q
to IS. Speck and the McDougall BROTH
ers played best for the Speck team while
Mushat, Thomas and Kent starred for
the losers
Billy Cobbs and Ollie Hilburn will
lead their teams on ito battle in the
second game Tuesday evening at 6
o'clock.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
CHILEAN CHAMP WILL
BE TESTED THIS WEEK
Question Whether His Feet Are Made To STAND
On Has New York Fans Guessing

piled Mr.. packard. what do you kuoy
about dogs, anyway? But just to prov
that Qufntin's feet don't fly mp in TIL
air, I'll let Floyd Johnson have him fol
a 15-round, fight =
This win be senior Romero's frs
fight In the UniteK States. II his fee
fly up and HE him in the chin he viii
be placed In a wheel-barrow and sem
down to the docks to catch q steame1
for home. II they don't weaken. hi
win be given q match with Harrs
wills.
However, there Is further condIl
tioual clause in the plans, for another
question must be answered next Mon
day night, as follows: '.Are HARRY
Wills hands as hard as BARLEY Mad
den's headay It Is said that Harry
hands are brittle, but he claims they
were merely less durable than the hony
which he fractured them one night q
long time ago.
anybody would bus his hands on
Brother Clem's haid," Wills explained
",At ain't like hittin' no ordinary
No x-Ray STRONG Enough
Mr.. Madden's head has never been
x-rayed, and some of the boxers who
have splintered their knuclxies hitting
him on the skull believe that no x-ray
could penetrate the hard material which
they encountered. Several months ago
when Willis was in need Of pork chops,
he accepted "a match with Madden.
Since then he has been Offered the
matches with Romero and Dempsey. II
he had known what good fortune
awaited him he would not have con-
tracted to test the material In Bartley's
head, which has withstood the ham
mering of many vigorous hcavyweights
One thing certain is that Madden's
feet are ali right, so Wills win have
to give him the full force of his
knuckles to stun him and win the right
to go on collecting the large purses
which. are now being offered him in
profusion because Of the withdrawal OF
Luis Angel Firpo, the domesticated
wild Baili Of the Pampas.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
CHICKS OBTAIN
TWO PLAYERS
Three Are Let Out, One Going
To Cotton States

MEMPHIS, Tenn. May 5.-Two new
players-Clinton Blume,, pitcher, and
Walter Barbara, nfielder-accompanied
.he league-leading Memphis Chicks
when they left tonight for Mobile to
begin a road series with first-division
straight victories.
Blume, who started the season with
Memphis last year, and Barbara, for
rnerly with the Boston Nationals, were
formally added to the roster today.
Mike Massey was given an uncondi-
tional release to make room for Bar
bare. The release of Frank Riel, a
pitcher, to the Brookhaven club of
the Cotton States league, and Ken
Sedgwick, also a pitcher, to Nashville,
also were announced today. Riel is
subject to recall.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
rsonal Victory OUer Bmons III First Atlanta Come
CITY LEAGUE
FILM is NOW
ON AT STRAND

City league baseball fans and play
vers may see themselves In action on
the silver screen this week at the
strand theater. When p. z. whit
man, appointed chairman Of the
parade committee by the City league
managers, took the project over, he
did It In thorough manner. which
included motion pictures of the
parade through the downtown
streets. All this week the film is
being shown at the Strand theater.
and, according to Mr.. Whitman, the
picture is good one. Players and
their friends, as well as fans. who
wish to see what sort. OF screen stars
the City league may produce can do
so AZ the Strand this week.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
BARONS
LOSE CONTEST
- ~
Cuban Stars Win Out,
6 To Second Game
Tuesday

Guerra's triple in the eighth Inning
broke up a beautiful hurting duel be-
tween Pedroso and Poindexter, at RICK
wood Monday afternoon, and added the
crowning blow needle dto send the Black
Barons down to a to 2 defeat at the
hands of the Cuban Stars. The bases
were full at the time and this slashtng
smack emptied them.
The visitors already possessed 2 to
lead when Guerra inserted his death
dealer, but they still had plenty OF fight
and some visions OF ultimate victory.
After that their chances were about as
slim, in the face of Pedroso's great
flinging, as that of SNOWFALL in the
Justly celebrated fiery regions.
Pedroso Strong
Pedroso started strongly and finished
the same way. True, run came across
eighth frames, but he had healthy
lead by that time and was working
along comfortably and without being
forced to bear down. He showed a
snappy curve all the way through, fan
ming five men. His control was of the
gilt-edsed variety, too, and so the locals
could only hang on grimly and nope
for the breaks which never came.
Poindexter, beyond his one slip. was
very good. He was in continual hot
water through errors early in the game
and so was never able to let up. Com
PEELED to go at top speed through prae-
tically every inning up to the eighth,
he had little reserve when it was most
needed,
Putrld Stars
Putrids of fielding featured the Black
Baron play. Wesley, despite flashes Of
good form, committed one bobble, as
did McAllister and the usually reliable
williams, while Daniels horned in with
two misplays In right. field. Stratton
at third handled seven chances in fault
less style, furnishing the principal high
light on the defensive. Tevera, key
stoner Of the down-southers, erred once,
but played a bang-up game outside
that. The Cuban oItfield backed UP
Pedroso in exceptionally good shape.
Sierra and Drekeeach collided for two
blows, in addition to Guerra's whale Of
a triple and single. Pedroso helped him
self out by clouting a double and scor-
ing a run. Thompson, with a double
and single, and Wesley with three
singles were the attacking heroes of the
losers.
The two teams play again today.
The score:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
BRYAN DOWNEY
BESTS DELANEY

COLUMBUS, o., May 5.-Bryan
Downey, Columbus middieweight, to-
night won the judges decision in r.
round contest over Jack Delaney Of
Bridgeport, Conn, conqueror OF Paul
BerIenbach. The Columbus boy out-
scored his opponent in every round. In
the tenth, body blows weakened De-
laney, who appeared on the verge of
a knockout. t.A
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
SIMPSON HIGH
BEATS WARRIOR
C. Vincent Tries New PerfOr-
nance On Diamond

Simpson High swamped Warrior High
in a postponed County Baseball league
game at Owenton by the score OF IS to 0.
"Slich" Vincent, versatile Tornado ath-
lete, essayed a new role in the game and
came out successfully. The erstwhile
Simpson second baseman took the
mound and pitched a four-hit game
against Warrior. He struck out eight
men and turned in as creditables per-
,formance as one could wish for. 1t was
his first game to pitch in high school.
In fact it was so good that, Coach Dick
Webb announced that it is likely that
he win be used on the mound on the
trip through north Alabama this week
end.
Hits Homer, Also
In addition Slick hit home run and
two singles out of six tries mad Is lead
ing his team with average of 500 per
cent. Albert Vincent got three safeties
out OF five tries. Ellis hit a homer,
also.
The Tornado leaves Wednesday to
play Cullman on the same afternoon
and Thursday. Friday afternoon at 2
o'clock the team plays at Tuscumbia
and at 4 o'clock it plays at Sheffield.
Saturday afternoon the Tornado takes
on Florence and then heads for home.
The score: r. H. e.
OAAAPsOu s.-..s.'s.+ 10 u L
Warrior ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 0 8
Batteries: c. Vincent and Ellis; Street
and Whaley.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
Totals 80
xBatted for Roberts in 9th.

1itLlo f1hOch SVU wv WI
Mobile ................O 01 $40 COX
ly. Devormer; home run, Marriott; stolen
base cueto. passed balls. Lapan; bases
q struck out by Wiitze. 2; Roberts, 2;
hits off Cash, 6 in innings; left on base,
Mobile. Z; Little Rock, s. Umpires. Will
liams and Doolan. Losing pitcher. Cash.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
NEW SBOYS ARE
BEATEN, TO A

The South Highlands baseball nine
defeated The Age-Herald team Monday
afternoon by the score of 8 to A. Err
rors by the Newsboys counted heavily
against them. Boun, for the Newsboys,
hit a home run. Duffy got a double
and two singles for the Highlanders.
The score; r. HE.
Highlands .!................. 8 i
Age-Hefald observation-disclosures As g.
Batteries: Klassen and Duffy; Cole
and Tatom.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
HOLE RAW TO RAGE

LINCOLN, Neb., May 5.-Joie Ray,
crack middle distance runner, and Ray
Watson, i Illinois Athletic club star,
will run special match race at the
Missouri Valley track meet to be held
here May "a, it was announced today.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06

Summary: TwO-base hits, BandrImer,
Carroll. PAskert; three-base hit, Roe, 2;
home run, Niehaus; stolen base, Hawks.
Anderson; sacrifices, Bates. Miner, Nuna-
maker; double plays, Roe to Bates to
Niehaus; Miner to Bates to Niehaus;
Bates TO Miner to Nehaus; Mack to
Graft to Hawks; left on base, Nashville,
Z; Chattanooga s; base on balls, off Roe,
s. off Lindstrom, 8; struck out, by Roe,
=. Empires, Pigue and Campbell. Time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
BEARS PULL UP
/. AHEAD OF PEBS

MOBILE. Ala. May 5.-Mobiie won the
single game scheduled for this trip from
Wiitse pitched his first fun game for the
locals. Cash was hit hard. while Roberts,
who relieved him gave up but two hits.
ming with no one on.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-06
AsH 10 BOx VILLA

NEW YORK, May 5.-Frankie Ash OF
England today signed articles to meet
Pancho Villa, worlds fIyweight title
holder, In a 15-round championship
fight here on May "a. villa previously
had signed.