davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
To HeIn Matters.

Theater Manager can't use your
play, sir. It's too long for the stage.
Amateur playwright-But. I say
aw-look here-aBl Cant you length
en- the stage. yen know?
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
End of a Perfect Cow.

: COW stood On the railroad tracEi
A train came round the bend.
She never had been hit before.
BIT she get I II the end.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
Get Married, NV Boy.

There is a chore that makes ne &C.
And It's no cause for laughter;
And that's to scrub tie bloomin' Ii
Before my bath and after.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
PerpetuitY.

And still the baseball fan beguile
The hours with talk of runs and hits.
Although the game must cease a while.
The conversation never quits.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
Wearina Apparel.

J man may take az early fling
And yet, as q campaigner, fail.
Although his aat is in the ring,
His shoes MAJ never hit the trail
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
Her Mistake.

Usher-Lady, think YOU have
wrong seats. May l see your stubs?
Lady (somewhat deaf)-Young a
want you to understand ! do mol
gmOke.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
ONLY PART OF HIM FELL
Ohneuration.

An orator. to be exact.
Must ram5le through philology,
and make it hard 70 find the fact
In all the ~phraseoIogy.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
EFFECT OF PRICE

Friend-That's a nice photograph Of
you and John; but he has such an
angry look.
Wlfie-Yes, he would insist Oh ask
ing the price before he sat.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

He was not moved by chivalry.
Nor feared Ire look OF scorn-
lie offered her lis street car eat
To keep 'h.r ~ his corn.
S. j..
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
A Mistaken Connection.

The sun was hot upon the beach,.
Her suit was little sisters.
They thought she was having a won
derful time, but
ALI is not bliss hat blisters.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
EXPENSIVE CAKE

Bobbie-Mister, how much is them
big cakes?
Storekeeper-Fifty cents apiece.
BObbie-Geei What I'D a whole one
cost?
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

The Minnesota college boys letters
to dad indicate an almost complete
mastery of the touch system.-tlrua-
sofa Ssar.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

In our ease. chlorinda. the sautocra6
Of the break table is IN elderly
lady with her hair pat an IN curl
tw eters.-NeN Orleans fes
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
Monday.

WITH ALL YOUR HEART-Aa@
ye shall seek ne and ind me when
ye shall search for me Wit ~ eer
heart.Jer 29.13.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

What They laugh at in London.
Movie Vamp-Haven't you a tighter
gown than this?
Tired Wardrobe Manager-No, ma
dam. I'm d eostumer, not a taxiderm-
;Ct
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

Want ads. are world-beaters for re.
sults-in the Cent-a-Word column Of
The Pleasantville Press.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

The difficulty IN turning immigrants
into good American Is ~ End a model
70 work by -Wheeling me encer.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

"you seem 70 have upset the Old
gravity, Ky boy"
"No, sir; twas her basket of eggs"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
DUMB SHOW
Modern Imnrovemenf

Our troubles in the days of old
Were unto 3 policeman told.
Now orators stand in a row
And tell EN- 70 a radio.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
BREEZY CHAP

Tom blew into town last night
seer him yet?'
No; only got wind of his visit just
now"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

Say it with cash, II you want TIE
Pleasantville Press to come to you-
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

THAT actor will neye e: ah.aa.~
why not?'
Doesn't know how to take A,s own
part" .
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

.o. GRAVITY, su7 EGGS
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26

CHOOSE YOUR Azs0CIAgEs-Be
ye no ~zaeeually yokec together
with unbe levers. Ter what fellow
ship aatf riEhteoHsuess with IN
righteous esz? ard what communion
hath nth aaraaeza?-z1 cor.
GA
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-04-26
Salarda

EARTHLY TREAsJREs-fa -o,
up for yourselves treasurer apon
earth, where moth and rust doth
corrupt, and where thieves break
through and steal-Matt. GLIB.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
HUNTERDON ROADS ARE
UNDERGOING REPAIRS

A goodly part of the Hunterdon
County stone roads are in rough
condition this Spring, and some of
them are very bad. The false econ
omy of failing to oil for year or
two is now showing up, and will
cost the taxpayers several hundred
thousand dollars before the loss is
overcome.
The work of resurfacing the Elem
ington- Whitehouse road, which has
been in wretched condition for some
time, is now under way, the state
contributing most of the money. 1t
was made part of the State High
way system last winter, by legis-
lative act, but the commission has
made no move to take it over.
The Flemington-F renchtown road
is to be resurfaced from Hard
scrabble Hill to Point Breeze, which
will be quite help to the traveller.
At the present time there is no
way to reach the upper part Of Hun
terdon County, from Lambertville,
over good road, both the stone
roads out of Pennington being in
such bad shape, but it is expected
that these conditions will be over
come to a large extent by the latter
part of July.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
POS. CAMPS
ANNIVERSARY

Washington Camp No. ! celebrat-
ed its Seth anniversary in their
looms No. II Church street on Fri
lay eFening last. g'he rooms were
decorated for the occasion and when
President Charles p. Holcombe call
ed the meeting to order every avail
able chair was occupied. Visitors
were present from many places
throughout New Jersey. A class of
fourteen candidates were guided into
the mysteries of the order by Camp
No. | degree team.
State President Harry Blohm of
Penns Grove; State Vice President,
Neil Jamison, of Merchantville,
State Master of Forms, VIM H..
Fisher, of Phillipsburg, and the
State Conductor, Rev. VIM. b. Mag
am, of Hopewell, were present and
gave stirring addresses. A roll call
IF charter members brought many
peeehes of merit and letters of con
graduation. At a late hour refresh
ments were served.
Washington Camp No. was in
5tituted in Odd Fellows Hall, Bridge
street, in the evening of May 23rd
1888 with 63 charter members. The
Camp continued to meet in Odd Eel
lows Hall until May 1917, when they
moved to their newly purchased
home No. II Church street. The
lodge has prospered both financially
and numerically and today have
$50 members.
Sixteen Charter members are still
numbered with the Camp, Charles
f. Holcombe, VIM. s. Holcombe,
Frank Udy, Harry Justice, VIM.
Hunt, Walter II. Williamson, Thee.
S. benson, John r. Masten, Samuel
T.. Moon and Moses b Matthews,
of Lambertville. Simpson Kelly and
Ramsey Wetter of New Hope. Chas.
NJ. Carries and Frank Silvers Of
Trenton. Calvin N. Smith of West
Orange, and VIM. +. Lauer, of
Philadelphia.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30

duet, Hilda Evans and Mrs. Shoch;
vocal solo, Alice Carlson; piano
solo, Anna Schermerhorn. The man
dolin club also rendered selections.
Operations have been started on
the new home of Mr.. and Mrs. John
Folinsbee on the River Road. 1t is
to be of Colonial design.
r. r. Croxson, of Camden, has
been visitor here with friends.
Messrs. j. Parker Borden and d.
b. Oblinger recently made business
trip to Schenectady and Utica, N.
Y, in the interests of the Union
Mills Paper Manufacturing Com
pany.
DR.. and Mrs. j. e. Scott, Of AL
toona, are here for week while
Dir. Scott relieves DIR. Leiby, who is
away with Mrs. Leiby on motor
trip. Dr. Scott was formerly res
ident of this borough. and was sue
ceeded in his practice here by DR..
Leiby.
DR.. r. c. Magill was on pro-
fessional visit to Philadelphia this
week.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
LAMBERTVILLE
PERSONALS

Mrs. Ethel Stockton has returned
to her home here following visit
to Atlantic City.
Centennial Building and Loan Of
ficers for the ensuing year are Geo.
w. Massey, president; Joseph Akers,
vice president; Wilson G. Herstine,
secretary; Frank w. VanHart, treas
urer; directors, Albert D. Anderson,
N. S. Conover, E. j. Moonan, E. c..
VanHart, w. B. Conover, Joseph
Akers; auditors, Arthur VanNatta
and Frank Scheetz. The Associa-
ton had a net gain of $25,598 for
the year. The assets are $461 ,584.
5,465 shares are in force.
David w. Hoppock was elected
treasurer of the BARRIERS Burying
Ground Association, of Delaware
Township. The other officers are
WA Wolverton, President; c. A.
Smith, secretary; Cyrus VanDolah,
w. r. Stevenson, d. w. Hoppock,
U. G. Hartpence and C. A. Smith,
trustees. Charles S. Cochran was
reelected sexton.
DR.. and Mrs. Paul Reissinger, of
Trenton, were Sunday visitors with
DR.. and Mrs. l.. A. Hamilton, of 81
North Union street.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. Scott Taylor, Jr.,
and daughter Betty, of Trenton,
were Sunday visitors at the home of
Mr.. and Mrs. Gordon Cooper.
Miss Mary Tettemer was recent
visitor with friends in Stockton.
Miss Sarah Sine attended the con-
ference of the Christian Church at
Carversville, Pa, last week.
J. L. Everett was visited over
the weekend by Mrs. Moses Hill.
Postmaster and Mrs. B. Frank
Barley were weekend visitors at
Summit, N. J.
Miss Sadie KEEPER, of Sd North
Union street, has returned from a
visit with her sister, Mrs. William
Classy, Germantown, Pa.
The Epworth League of Centen-
airy NJ E. Church has elected the
following officers: Russell Heath,
president; Miss Jessie Regain, diree-
tor spiritual work; Miss Lucie Mo
ser, missionary leader; Mrs. William
Bowman, social service; Miss Marion
Stout, recreation; Miss Marion Moore
secretary; Mrs. Rachel Herstine,
treasurer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
TENNIS CLUB WINS MATCH
WITH HIGH SCHOOL

The Lambertville Tennis Club won
the match played with the Lambert
vile High School on Saturday, and
finished on Monday, although the
latter players put up good fight in
this, their first season at the game.
On Saturday one match was play
ed between Paul Smith and Edgar
Smith, the latter winning the first
set 81, 40 love. Paul beat him rs,
and in the second singles Paul won
60. In the other two matches "a
gene Beckner beat Robert Patter-
son 4-3, and Robert Hoppock beat
c. Frying SO.
On Monday Patterson beat Beck
ner 7-5, and Hoppock beat Frying
Ga. In the doubles, Albert Reading
and Donald Walker defeated Ernest
Ireland and Eugene Beckner 90, go;
Patterson and Hoppoek defeated
Smith and Frying 7-5, 6-3, making
the finals SO in favor Of the Tennis
Club.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
Req. J. II. Patterson
SPEAKS in Neae Hone

Rev. j. ii. Patterson of Quitman,
Georgia, is to speak in the New
Hope Presbyterian Church on Mon
day Evening June End, under the
Auspices of DR.. Magill's Bible
Glass. Mr.. Patterson is a Minister
Of rare ability. He is Of Scotch An
cestry, Graduated at Moody Bible
institute of Chicago, and at the
Princeton Seminary. He served sew
eral years as Pastor of the New
Hope Presbyterian Church where his
Ministry left permanent mark in
the life of the church and the com
munity. From there he went to Bra
dentown, Florida where there were
about two or three hundred added
TO the church, and from there to
Quitman, Georgia. In all these places
Mr.. Patterson's ability in Gospel
singing and in Evangelism has en-
deared him to the people, wherever
he served
All who wish are invited to some
and hear message of salvation and
victory both in song and the preach
ed word.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
". II. Beatty Heads
Merchants ASsOCiat'n

William H. Beatty, former vice
president, was elected president of
the Lambertville Merchants Asso-
citation Monday evening, succeeding
William Hunt, who declined renomi-
nation. George B. Homer was cleo
ted vice president; Harry f. Van
Horn, treasurer; Wallace p. Thorn
ton, financial secretary, and Theo-
dore G. Kitchin, secretary.
The treasury showed good sur
plus, and the financial secretary's
report showed all members in good
standing, with May collections to-
falling $50 per cent--some being
paid ahead for some time
George B. Horner, Harry f. Van
Horn and William Hunt were APP
pointed committee to see if a
rest room can be provided for lady
shoppers who come to this city.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
---=------------ -------------
MRS. JULIA TOENNIGES

After an illness of several months
Mrs. Julia Toenniges, widow of Hen
ny Toenniges, died Thursday after
noon, last week, at her home on
Ferry street, New Hope, at an adj
vanced age. She had resided in New
Hope for many years. She is sur
vived by one daughter, Mrs Dora
Heller and two grandsons, Harry
Toenniges and Charles Heller. Fun
eral services were held Monday af-
ternoon at o'clock, daylight time,
at the home, with interment in Mt.
Hope Cemetery, Lambertville. The
deceased was member of keokuk
Council, Daughters of Pocohontas,
and this society held services at the
home last evening,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
FEAR LOAN SHARKS WILL GRAB
SOLDIERS BONUS INSURANCE
other Interesting News of National Events of the Week
From Our Washington Correspondent.

Twenty-seven Democrats and 2
Farmer-Laborites combined with 80
Republicans to defeat President
Coolidge and passed the bonus bill
over his veto-by two votes. LaFol-
lette, Couzens, Watson and McCor-
mick were absent and impaired, as
were four Democrats. What the vet
eran will get out of the bonus is
problematical. If after 60 days
training he served so days or less
he will get in cash 81 day for
each day at home and SLIPS for
each day overseas. If he served long
er he will get an insurance policy
payable in twenty years, at the same
rate, with maximum of $500 for
home service and $625 for overseas
service. The estimated average value
of the policies, at the end of 20
years, is 1862 After 2 years the
veteran can borrow 90 per cent
not of the total value of his policy
but of its then value as paid up
insurance. There is grave fear that
money lenders will devise some
scheme for loaning money, at usur-
ious rates, on these policies, so that
most veterans will get very little
out of the bonus.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
SCHOOL BOYS OF
'49STILL ACTIVE

John c. Moore, of Lambertville,
and Stephen Belts, of Newtown,
were schoolboys together away back
in the '40's, up to 1S49, at the Stony
Hill school in Solebury Township,
swapping apples, penknives, and do
ing various other kid" stunts back
in the days when boys were known
as lads"
Despite the three-fourths of a
century that has passed since those
glorious days, these old friends still
keep in touch with each other, and
short time ago John sent Stephen
a copy of Pennsylvania Railroad
publication. Its receipt aroused the
latter's instant curiosity, but his eye
sight is still good, and very quickly
he found his former schoolmate's
picture in the center of a group of
veteran railroad men. 1t is being
exhibited TO interested friends, en-
bellished with anecdotes of the boy
hood days Of John and Stephen.
Mr. Moore is the senior member
of this "schoolboy" alliance, being
well past 80, while Mr.. Belts will
not be 80 until July. Both men
have their faculties and are object
lessons to many men a score of
years younger, who think their
time has come" Mr.. Belts, who
lived in or around Solebury Town
ship all his life up to a few years
ago, and represents the last of the
generation of men who were so well
known in this vicinity in the period
from 1860 to 1900 He farmed at
Phillips Mill for many years, re-
firing to live with his son George,
near Wrightstown. Two years ago
the son died, and the father and
mother, too aged to set up anew in
housekeeping, are boarding at the
Friends Home, in Newtown.
Mr.. and Mrs. Belts celebrated the
63rd anniversary of their marriage
on February ID last. Both are in
remarkably good health for their
years, and take a cheerful view of
life even yet. Mrs. Belts, who is
81 years of age, has been blind for
dozen or more years, but her mind
is keenly active, and in IA talk with
a Record-News representative on
Sunday, displayed thoroughly up
to-date interest in and knowledge of
affairs in New Hope and vicinity.
Mr., and Mrs. Belts had just returned
from attending services at the
Wrightstown Friends Meeting, and
discussed plans for visit to the old
home grounds in Solebury later in
the summer when the weather is
warmer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
STONE ROADS
BEING REPAIRED
BUCKS COUNTY STONE
ROADS GENERALLY GOOD |

The Bucks County stone roads are
generally in good condition, at this
time, and the Delaware Valley road
between New Hope and Morrisville.
is the best that it has ever been.
1t has been almost entirely oiled
the last section, from Washington
Crossing South, being under way
this week. Quite a number of local
travellers over this route make the
mistake of following the trolley line
South of Stony Brook instead of
taking the left fork, which keeps
close to the river. The first road
is very poor dirt, to Yardley, while
the river road is very good stone,
fully oiled. From Yardley to Nor
risville there is little choice between
the state road along the trolley and
the one along the river, as to riding
quality, but the river route affords
very pretty views of the Delaware.
The river road North of New Hope
is being stoned and oiled, and wild
cred in many places. 1t is the best
route from Lambertville and New
Hope to upper Hunterdon County
points that are reached from either
Frenchtown or Milford.
The York Road, westward from
New Hope, has had the holes all
filled, and is in good shape The
road from Buckingham to Doyles-
town is especially good, as are the
concrete roads leading out of that
town The road South from Bucking-
ham to Anchor and Bustleton is in
good condition, as is also the road
from Anchor to Newtown and Bris-
tol, excepting in South Langhorne
and Hulmeville boroughs, in which
later place the street is to be CON
creted this summer. The road from
Newtown to Yardley is a joy to the
motorist. In fact all the stone roads
in Bucks range from good to super
extra, with the exception of few
sections within the limits of incor-
porated towns, which are not all
good.
The Pennsylvania State Highway
Commission has several extra corps
of men busy at different points be-
tween Center Bridge and Erwinna,
surfacing up the road that will con-
meet with the concrete highway ut
Kintnersville. The roadway is being
widened where necessary, and filled
with stone. The section between
Center Bridge and Point Pleasant is
being supplied from Eastburns
quarry ,atLumberton, and the sec
ton north of Point Pleasant from
the Fell quarry in Geddes' Glen, on
the Danboro road. The double steel
guard cable between the road and
the canal has been completed all
the way from New Hope to Kint-
nersville.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30

I L. V. NJ. Cain and family were
Sunday guests of friends in Car
versville, Pa.
Local members of Keokuk Coun-
Gil, Daughters of Pocahontas, at
tending the State meeting at Allan
tic City last week were Misses Mary
Agin and Annie Kroesen and Mrs.
Laura Huba.
Mrs. Thomas A. Ryan and little
daughter, of l York street, are Wis
iting relatives in Wilmington, Del.
Mr.. and Mrs. Joseph Akers, of 81
jefferson street, were visited Sunday
by their son and his wife, Mr.. and
Mrs. j. Bradley Akers, of Bloomfield.
Miss Della j. Barber, of 80 Bridge
street, attended the convention of
the Eastern Arts Association in At
lantic City last week. Miss Barber
is supervisor of drawing in the
local schools.
The Senior Class of the High
School will hold a pie and cake sale
in the gas office on Saturday, June
9TH.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ernest Bodine and
son Lloyd were Sunday visitors with
Mr.. and Mrs. Hart Moore, in Stock
ton.
Charles Cain of Union and Perry
streets, who has been connected with
the Rosemont Poultry Farms and
Hatchery for some time, has been
appointed farm demonstration of
Cumberland County, beginning June
LIST.
Mr.. and Mrs. Newton Slack, of
Coryell street, were Sunday visitors
with Mr.. and Mrs. John Dilts, at
Sergeantsville.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. Walter Ireland
were visited Sunday by Mr.. and Mrs.
Edward Hughes, of Trenton.
Mr.. and Mrs. N. r. Kneass, of the
Lambertville House, were week
end visitors with relatives at West
field.
James D. MacKay, of 35 Coryell
street, has returned from an extend
ed trip thru the Central Southern
states in the interests of the Lam
bertville Rubber Co.
Rev. F. E. Purcell, pastor of Cen
tenary M. E. Church, attended the
Methodist General Conference at
Springfield, Mass, this week.
Mrs Hannah Wood, of York street,
is to take up her home with her son,
Paul Wood, in Morrisville, Pa.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
A Good Deal of Sense
In This Nonsense
DO You Advertise?

There was an old geezer,
And he had a lot of sense
He started up a business
On dollar eighty cents
The dollar went for stock,
And the eighty for an ad.
That brought three lovely
dollars
In day, by dadI
Well, he bought more goods
And a little more space,
And he played that system
With a smile on his face.
The customers fiocked
To his two by four,
And he soon had to hustle
For regular store.
Up on the square
Where the people pass,
He grabbed up a corner
That was all plate glass.
He fixed up the windows
With the best that he had,
And told all about it
In half page ad.
He soon had them coming,
But he never, never quit,
And he wouldn't cut down
On his ads one bit.
And has kept things humping
In the town ever since,
And everyone calls him
"The Merchant Prince"
Exchange.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-05-30
ST. ANDREWS CHURCH
Clergy: Rev. T. J. Bensley, d. d.
Rev. A. w. HenzeIl. M. Sc

Sunday, June LIST: Within Octave
of the Ascension. 7.3 a. m. Holy
Eucharist. $50 a. M Sunday School
and Bible Class. 1890 a. m. Morn
ing Prayer, sermon, and Holy Eu-
charist. 7.30 p. m. Litany and Adj
dress by the Rector: subject, "a
place prepared"
Thursday, June 9Th: Octave Of the
Ascension. 7.30 a. m. Holy Euchar-
list.
Friday, June 9Th. 7.30 p. m. Even
ing Prayer and Intercessions. Meet
ihgs of St. Andrews Guild and st,
Agnes Band,