The Washington times., 1924-04-11


Dollar-a.Year Men," know all
of them but never realized before
they were worth twice as much
as Hoover. ! wonder what they
did to get a raise.
BY the way, II any Of my read.
ers happen to run across William
Boyce Thompson former chair
man of the Republican National
Committee, please tell him that
Senator Walsh wants him to come
straight home to Washington.
Mr.. Thompson seems to be
temporarily mislaid some place
in the Middle, West. I don't
know whether the reward will go
to him or Senator Walsh If some
kind reader viii produce him.
Maybe he's Joined the house
wife's spring cleaning and is
sorting out skeletons in his closets
so Democratic moths cannot get
at them. Senator Spencer is
calling in vain for Mr.. DOheny,
too to ask him what he gave
the Democrats, but Mr.. DOneny
has important engagements in
Los Angeles and is as busy as a
cross-eyed man in q three-ring
circus.
Which reminds me Of the Wash.
ington woman who went to q
famous ear specialist, who ex-
amined her ears and found them
in very good shape. The doctor
pressed her for symptoms, where.
upon she complained that when
she went to teas she had trouble
in hearing two conversations at
the same time.
have been lust glancing
through the annual report Of the
quite confused. It would seem
from the face Of 1t that one Con.
gresham had been advanced
$29.2S for his own funeraA The
item reads: Congressman Blank,
advanced $e9.28 on funeral" He
was apparently modest man and
must have believed in cheap
funerals and plenty Of them.
But another item was for $2,47O
to take a whole Congressional
funeral party Of about twenty
persons to a Western State, a
large portion Of it being diner"
and even $40 charged up for
cigars. noticed that In other
cases, Uncle Sam provided the
shirt. necktie and collar for the
Congressional body. It certainly
costs a lot to bury a Congress
man.
Another Congressman some
xyoo 80 o~n e. oofA - hn,,o 1Doan
lured by the prospect Of an Of
ficlal funeral that he committed
suicide so there could be no mis-
take or delay about It. He had
nothing to regret, for his candles
alone cost SIS; another SO went
for arranging flowers at the
church and he was sung to his
long sleep by a $25 quartet.
Then there is always that item
Of Personal Service" This Is
what puzzles me the most.
hope it is a rite performed by
the Democratic member If the
deceased is Republican. and vice
versa, in which every shaft.
Jibe and thrust which have gone
to make life unbearable IL for
malIy withdrawn.
For I agree with the old man
who said he believed in giving
the dead the benefit Of the doubt.
And there is no deader person
than dead politician.
Then I also notice that Con.
gressmen are such family men.
They apparently bring their
families with them in toto-in-
laws and out-laws-and call them
clerks, messengers, page boys"
anything to get them within
striking distance Of the Congress
sional payrolls and that lovely
clerk hire fund.
Aunts, knee-panted sons, sub
deb daughters, cousins, babes in
arms. and grandmothers bringcth
they them. They must come in
covered wagons with the shib.
boleth ION to Washington where
funerals, clerkships, stationery
with a big s, and juhket trips 10
the Orient ana elsewhere are free
for all.
Speaking Of trips, we are on our
way to Cleveland. / don't know
how many women delegates will
sign the roll, but one / know
has practically gotten the appoint.
ment or whatever 1t is. That is
Mrs. J. Willis Martin, of Phila-
delpha. know her, and l can
testify that there is not a better
man among the Peppers, MELONS,
Reeds and Pinchots from the Key
stone State.
Mrs. George Barnett, from
Washington ana Virginia, is an
alternate, ana If her principal has
any sense Of interior decoration
he will mako himself scarce and
let her have his seat as she is
a famous beauty. No matter how
the men talk they like to have
pretty women around and they
are going to enjoy this convention.