davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1924-02-10
Mournin&

"Here, waiter!. This steak is posi-
lively burned black"
"Yes, sir. Mark Of respect, sir. Our
head cook died yesterday"
Evening star., 1924-02-10
Collective

Teacher-Givs me an example of a
collective nosA
.Freshie--A vacuum cleaner.
Evening star., 1924-02-10
Reopening Hostilities.

From Life.
PA, how did those prehistoric mon
sters loo's?''
81 really can't remember that, sonny !;
ask your mother"
Evening star., 1924-02-10
Sweet Remembrance.

Fanny-Just what are italian for
get-me-nots?
George-At a venture I should say
garlic.
Evening star., 1924-02-10
Flavorins.

Sugar."
mo, thank you"
Then what do you like with your
tea?"
Gossip
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
PLAN CHANGES
IN LAF AYETTE
PARK
WaIkway From Sixteenth
Street to Pennsylvania
Avenue to Be Laid

Lafayette Park, fronting the
White House, is to be replanned
and rearranged in the near future.
As soon as Congress provides
the funds for the work, Colonel C.
O. Sheriff., in charge of public
building and grounds, will proceed
to alter the landscape Of the park
to a considerable extent.
The chief change contemplated is
the construction of a broad walk
or promenade. on the axis of Six
teenth street, running north and
south between Pennsylvania avenue
and H street. This change, how
ever, will not necessitate the re.
moval Of the Andrew jackson
statute in, the center Of the park.
All that 1t is proposed to do is to
construct a new walk providing
easier access to Pennsylvania
avenue from Sixteenth street.
Other plans for the park now are
being studied by the landscape
architect employed, by the officer
Of public building and grounds.
Two old trees, which have been
standing in the park ever since the
days when it was COW pasture
and later race track, were con-
domned by Colonel Sheriff. and
now are being removed,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
. SCHOOL BILLS
ARE URGED BY
BALLOU
Compulsory Attendance and
Building Program Among
Measures Sought

Enactment Of four important
school bills for the District is re.
quested Of Congress in a petition
sent today by Superintendent Frank
w. Ballou to Congressman Stuart
F. Reed Of West Virginia, chair
man Of the House District Commit.
tee.
Doctor Ballou listed the following
bills as being of vital Importance
to the District, and urged action
during the present session Of Con.
gress:
The compulsory school attendance
bill. Doctor Ballou said that this
bill is not likely to provoke mate
rial opposition, and in the Judgment
or school officials should be passed
at this session. The Senate al.
ready has passed such bill in pre-
vious Congresses, and the measure
was approved by the House District
Committee two years ago.
Granting authorization for q five
year school building program.
Providing for reorganization of
the administration and supervisory
STATS of the public school system.
Providing exemption for teachers
and school officials from the clause
OF the present law which prevents
teachers in day schools from re-
ceiving salaries Of $4,000 or more
from teaching night classes.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
TRADE BOARD TO HEAR
REPORTS ON DECEMBER IS

Reports of seven committees
which have been studying various
projects of importance to the Dis
trict will be submitted to the Board
Of Trade at a meeting Monday
night at the new headquarters Of
the Chamber Of Commerce Of the
United States.
The committees from which re.
ports are expected to be forthconl-
Ing are: Bridges, George w.
Offut, chairman; parks and reser
vations, Fred G. Coldren, chair
man; public order, Odell S. Smith,
chairman; municipal art, Appleton
c. Clark, chairman; public utilities
and transportation, Jesse c. Ad.
kins- chairman; traffic and safety,
w. Pearce Rayner, chairman, and
water supply. Francis r. Weller,
chairman. Medals which have
k.been awarded by the municipal art
committee to owners and architects
OF structures of meritorious design
will be presented at the meeting.
The guests Of the board will be
Lieutenant Colonel Clarence o.
Sheriff., office in charge of pub
lie buildings and grounds, and Ell.
lott II. Goodwin, vice president of
The Chamber of Commerce of the
United States.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
MEN ARE FOUND
OVERCOME
BY GAS
Jet Believed Turned on Acct
dentaIIy-Both in Hospital.
One May Die

Found overcome by gas in a
locked room at 207 Pennsylvania
avenue yesterday, two men are in
Casualty Hospital today in a seri.
GUS condition. One or them may
die. The men are said to be James
Smith and John Moses, Of Morgan.
ton, NJ c.
The two men rented a room at
the Pennsylvania avenue address
Thursday night about o'clock,
saying they were bricklayers. Yes.
terday afternoon a maid smelled
gas and called police of the Sixth
precinct. Sergeant Sontag, re.
spending. had to break down the
door to their room in order to gain
entrance. He found the two men
unconscious with a gas jet turned
on.
The jet is, of an old fashioned
type which-fnight have been turned
on accidentally without anyons's
knowledge.
Smith regained consciousness
long enough today to tell physicians
the two names and say that he
could not explain how the gas was
turned ON.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
ZEHL NJ AN
WILL AID
DC.
Congressman From Maryland
to Push Bill Providing Peo-
pies Counsel for District

An attempt to secure passage by
Congress during the present
session Of his bill to provide q
peoples counsel for the District
Of Columbia will be made by
Congressman Frederick N. Zihl-
man of Maryland.
Congressman Zihlman declared
that the bill is Of vital Importance
to the District especially in view of
the failure of Congress to make an
appropriation for retaining Conrad
H. Syme as counsel for the Public
Utilities Commission in valuation
cases now pending in the District
courts.
Congressman Zihln1an stated that
he probably would not push the
bill Mi ha Ial,.e hid h@1 an cp-
portunity to act on the traffic stu
alton in Washington, and to vote
on the Great Falls hydro-electric
power project,
Congressman Zlhlmsn's bill pro-
vides for appointment of an addi-
tional counsel for the Public Utili-
ties Commission to he known az
the peoples counsel. This officer is
to be named by the President for
term of four years, at a salary of
$4,000 a year. He viii represent
the people of the District at all
public utilities hearings, and will
appear In the interests of lower
rates and improved public service
He is empowered to make investi-
cations of public utilities and of
the physical valuation OF their
properties, and the rates charged by
them for public service in the Dis
trict.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
TROL
Of REAL Y
URGED
Senator Ball Proposes to Run
UnscrupuIous Operators
Out of D. c.

Senator L. Heisler Ball, chair.
man Of the Senate District Com
mittee, today invited the Wash
ington Real Estate Board, through
its secretary, John A. Petty, to
draft proposed bill for creation
of a board with power to license
and revoke licenses Of real estate
operators in Washington.
Washington real estate mer
have repeatedly told me they are
sincere in their desire to stamp
out corrupt real estate practices
in the District. and / am now
giving them a chance to make
good" said Senator Ball.
To Help Rent Situation.
IF fraud is eliminated in Wash.
ington real estate transactions, and
the law Of supply and demand
given free scope, the housing situa-
ton win surely adjust ITSELF"
Senator Ball said that in addition
to creating the regulatory board, he
is contemplating the penalizing,
through additional laws, of real
estate operators who make fake
sales and who engage in the
pyramiding of trusts.
1t is the present>intention of Sen
ator Ball to have the regulatory
board comprise either three or five
members and have them appointed
by the President.
He said he thought the members
should be real estate men of undis-
puted integrity, and that Vhey
should serve as governmental Of
ficers.
Run Out the INSCRIPTIONS.
Some may think this idea of
mine is foolish" said Senator Ball.
Il don't see why real estate men
should not be regulated just as doc.
tors, architects, and expert &C.
countants are regulated. The real
purpose of the board win be to run
out Of Washington incompetent and
inscriptions real estate men.
Real estate is Washington's one
big business. appreciate the deli.
cacy with which the situation must
be handled. We must not take any
steps that will hinder the growth
Of the Capital. But we must adopt
some legislation which will forever
stamp out the pernicious practices
which have resulted in the I'M
natural skyrocketing Of rents"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
Santa Claus Given Air
By U. S. Treasury
Officials

Santa Claus was "given the
air" at the United States
Treasury today.
An official order went to all
offices prohibiting the display
of Christmas trees in the Treas
ury during the holiday season,
and watchmen at the various
entrances were instructed to
enforce the embargo.
Many of the chic flapper en-
ployes, who count out the Gov
ernment's millions, decided
things were a bit too drab
within the massive gray walls
of the Treasury and prepared
a program of Christmas fes-
Invites.
When this information reached
high officials the plan was i'm
mediately banned,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
AUTO WHEEL RUNS AMUcK,
SMAsHES STORE WINDOW

A runaway automobile wheel,
separating itself from it's automobile,
mounted and crossed the sidewalk
and ran through ethe show windows
of the julius Garfinkle store at
Thirteenth and f streets last night,
The auto was driven by James E.
Shipley, 1000 e street northwest.
A large crowd gathered and
watched police move the car away
and board up the open window.
Many passers by during the eve
ming remarked that 1t was a bold
robbery and police nearby received
many inquiries as to 'how much old
they get"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
MY IDEAL GIRL.

There's a little girl out my way, the
type that is hard to find.
No matter where happen to be
she's always ON my mind.
Whenever she comes down the street,
/ simply stand and gaze,
You cannot help but nike her, she
has such winning ways.
admit I've met some pretty girls
and others that were sweet
but I'll no longer search for an
ideal girl, because this one
can't be beat.
Always full Of laughter, always full
Of mirth,
And since the day met her, / be-
lieve in angels being on earth.
Her face to me il sunshine, she
never wears q frOwn,
The same sweet girl in satins or In
a Bingham gown.
She's as modest as a lily, far faIrer
than q rose,
cannot think Of much more. 90
~ I'll bring this to a close.
Now folks don't think I'm off my
nut after reading the mush
above,
1 really cannot help it, for I'm just
. guy in love.
T. +. MALONEY. ,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
"INDIAN FIGHTER" LOSES
BATTLE WITH "HoOCH"

what war did you fight in?"
Judge Schuldt asked Charles d.
Pracht, ,270-pound veteran living
at Soldiers Home, who was brought
into court today charged with in
toxication.
II am an Indian fighter" an
swered Pracht, his chunky hand
raised In the air.
After extracting a promise that
Pracht would devote the remaining
years Of his life to fighting Indians
instead of booze the court took his
personal bonds.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
WANTED, AN OLD.TINIE GIRL

L
I wonder II all OF the girls are
in Spain or in Germany over the
sea. who used TO be- nice and
take Grandma's advice. and who
wern't enlightened or free?
4 wonder IL all Of the feminine
folk who were cheerful and keer-
Nful and dear have gone on a trip
to the e Flfppity-fIip, for they
don't seem to be around here
I wonder if all of the nice little
things who would sit in ham
mock and spoon have gone to q
show with a bootlegger beau with
a pocketbook like a balloon?
! wonder IL all of the girls are
alike. IL they're all like the most
Of EN- seem, with an eye to the
graft. an expression that's daft
and q line of remarks that's q
/ wonder ii there is a maiden
somewhere who is pretty and
proper and poor; who would
marry q man on the permanent
plan. as they don't seem to do
/ wonder il / could find some-
one like that? If / thought so
Ia hunt till I did, and I'd buy
her dress and some ice cream,
guess. and I'd jump and yell
JACK HENRY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
BILL GIVES RESERVATION
FOR USES or DISTRICT

Congressman Stuart r. Reed OF
West Virginia, at the request Of the
District Commissioners, today intro.
duced bills IN the House providing
for the widening of First street
northeast, between G.~dnd Myrtle
streets, and for transferring to the
Jurisdiction of the District Commits.
sioners military reservation at
First and, % streets southeast.
The o. street reservation adjoins
the sewage pumping station, and is
ueeded for enlargement Of that
plant.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
PROPOSED BLUE LAWS
FOR DISTRICT PROTESTED

The House District Committee has
received eleven petitions from vari-
Gus parts of the country against
the proposed enactment of Sunday
blue laws" in the District of Co
lumbia, It was said today by Con.
gresham Stuart f. Reed. Chairman
Of the committee.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
when Saturday comes, and n.

When Saturday comes, and the
end OF 1t, too, and, you know
there is nothing more for vou to
do but so home and sit dotcn and
put up your feet In the 4Uindou
and look at the folks In the street,
aud frthdle your cigar or old corn
cob pipe, and eat good apple
that isn't too ripe, and read in
your, paper of races and foot.
ball, and drift off to dreamland
as taoiliOht doth fdll, It is sure
Satisfaction to most any man to
rest from his lGbors his best,
tohtIe he can. And uour ioife
smiles and t0dkes you ichen sup
perfume comes, tho she some
times says something about ldzy
buns, and out to the movies to-
gether you 90, tChere strains of
soft music all IuIlin0Iy flo1c. And
iohen you get home Hou nut ON
your pGjdnt, aud you snore like
horse aud yOH don; giVe a
damn! GENE BLOSSOM.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
PRESIDENT is INVITED
TO SEE "JUDES" SHIP SAL

President Coolidge NVas invited to-
day to be present in New York
city, on March IL, when the first
steamship flying the flag of Judes,
leaves port.
Congressman Black Dem.) of
New York, and Jacob S. Strahl,
president of the American. Palestine
Steamship Line, extended the invi.
tation. The steamship is the Presi.
dent Arthur which the Palestine
line purchased recently from the
Shipping Board.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
HOUSE IS ASKED FOR
"PHoNE TRUST" PROBE

Congressional investigation ~ The
Telephone Trust" is provided in a
resolution now pending before the
House Rules Committee.
Congressman John j. O'Connor. of
New York, will appear before the
committee on its first meeting to
request a special rule for considera.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
DOUBLE ACROSTTC AND
CROSSWORD PUZZL E.

H. SMITH comes back with
another double acrostic word
square puzzle for these puzzle
nuts, and once more wants to see
II It can be solved, inviting those
who think they know something,
to send answers to the editor.
He puts the thing NhiA way:
Acrostics Primals, named; finals
consigned.
Cross words, as follows:
No. 1-SexIess; No. 2, a luscious
fruit; No. 3. psychical; No. 1, to
reject; No. 5, an aromatic kernel;
No. 8. Q botanical plant. No. Z, q
temporary occupant; No. 5, 70
come forth suddenly; No. 8, to
claim by right.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
cRITTENDEN HOME TO
START NEW BUILDING

At meeting Of the Florence Crit
tenden Home board at Castle View"
yesterday, announcement was made
that building operations will soon be-
gin on the new Crittenden hospital
and nursery. Revised plans of @he
hospital and nursery were discussed
and all business for the building
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13

Science has failed to reveal
The legs on multiplication table,
The buttons on coat Of paint,
AotU many inches In the Golden Rule,
The tree that produced Adams apple.
The hinges on the Golden Gate,
The deed to the Land Of Nod,
The fOife of the man IN the moon,
The plant tChtch produces govern
naent red tape. SILICUS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
SERMON ON TUNE IN"
Is TO BE BROADCAST

Eleven o'clock services in Mount
Vernon Place Methodist Church,
South tomorrow morning, will be
broadcast by radio station WCAP.
The Reverend Doctor w. A.
Lambeth has taken for his topic.
Tune In" In the evening he
will speak on Modern Saints"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
OUR HALL OF NAMES.

"A cheerful new fan of the COL
umn, who wants to join the Blues
Bouncers, is A. w. LYON, most
often called A. Lyon, and whose
initials, as you see, are A. w. L.
This fan wants to add to our
hall the name of Colonel L. G..
MUTT, who is anything else but
that; likewise several friends
whose initials are G. A. S. and
M. M. S. (manuscript).
Well, this column is a fun gar
den, and we are always glad to
have new flowers bloom in it.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
SToNES- -GLAss HOUSES.

People ignore me continually,
Ard / often wonder why
When try to make q friend
That they always pass me by?
I'm not an Outeast by any means,
a gentleman 1 always try 70 be
And contend that Il is wrong
To be forever sighting me.
There is y time 4 can repiembers
And II wasn't 10 long ag0,
When ! wasn't always alighted
But had some place to g0s
Why the change In senffment3
Why keep ON sighting me9
man can be q gentleman
Regardless Of the army o. d.
know that there Il good and bad
Y most every walk Of life,
amd that where some bring Joy,
Others only bring strifes
But there's one thing % remember
That's been handed down the line,
Please clean Mp your own yard
Before you start cleaning mine.
NORTH KERLINA.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
Engineers to Meat

The Washington Society OF En-.
gineers meets next Wednesday night
in the Cosmos Club. Officers will
be elected. Motion pictures OF the
construction Of Gilboa Dam and .he
Shandaken Tunnel win be shown.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13

completed.
Mrs. Robinson, president of the
board announced a gift of $50 from
the First Congregational Church for
the use Of the twenty-seven mothers
aud thirty-five babies now in the
home.
The board accepted with regret the
resignation of Mrs. o. c. Merrill.
prominent clubwoman, as chairman
of the finance committee.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
REFLECTIONS.

IL II said when Queen Elizabeth had
reached two score :.
She refused to gaze In looking glasses
any more, REL
Do gave orders to remove from her
paaaee every glass
That she might picture herself q
still youthful lass.
How different in these days when
we see everywhere
MatfOns and misses fixing their faces
and their hair.
While gazing in q hand mirror ut
home and abroad,
adding paint. powder and lin stick
to the work Of the Lord.
His wife gave him sausage for his
break asst and sausage for lunch.
Ham and cabbage for his dinner, and
corn bread ON which to MUNICH.
The. next day she had pork chops,
and his lunch was q ''hot dog''
And when he asked for a change.
she said John you eat like a
nOg. OLD SOCKS.
AZ
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13
I WO Ne "
ROUTES
GIVEN
Extension Of Sixteenth Street
I Operation Included in Petit
ton to Commission

A petition for a crosstown bus
line, running from Burleith,
Georgetown, to Fifteenth and H
streets northeast, was filed with
the Public Utilities Commission
today by the Washington Rapid
Transit Company.
Extension Of the Sixteenth
street bus line also is requested.
The application probably will
be opposed by the Washington
Railway and Electric Company
and the Capital Traction Com
pany because the proposed routes
parallel the lines of the railway
companies.
Proposed Route.
The cross.town bus route pro-
posed follows:
Start at Thirty.fifth and T
streets northwest, west on T street
to Thirty-seventh; south on Thirty.
seventh to street; east on s street
to Thirty-fifth; south on Thirty fifth
to @ street; east on @ street to
Twenty first street; south on Tween
ty-first to New Hampshire avenue;
out New Hampshire avenue to X
street; east on X street to Thir-
tenth street; south on Thirteenth
to H street; each on H street to
Massachusetts, avenue; east on Mas
sachusetts avenue to Union Sta
ton; out First street northwest to
B street; out B street to Maryland
avenue, and east on Maryland ave-
nue. to Fifteenth and III streets
northwest and return.
Six.Mlnute Headway.
The company proposes a slx.
minute Roadway on this line, giving
free transfers to other buses Of the
company.
The Sixteenth street route change
proposed follows:
East on Spring road to Kansas
avenue, out Kansas avenue to
Sherman circle, north on Illinois
avenue to Longfellow street, west
on Longfellow street to Sixteenth
street and down, Sixteenth street,
this new route to become effective
when roads in this section are
passable. The company proposes
for the present to extend the Six.
tenth street line from its terminus
at Buchanan street to Longfellow
street,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-13

ThisIs the time Of the year
tOhen many a man t0ilIindly
pays arg price for turkeys,
bat a0ishes the high price of
diamonds Would come down.
=. GINGER jim.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-07-09
CHAfTEK D3
N VISITED Aunt Cynthia regularly
 araru dau .,r,til sha .rraa ahla tn hf


 TWISTED Aunt Cynthia regularly
 every day until she was able to be
 up and about again. She was still feeble and I made up my mind to con- tinue to visit her, now that she was sitting up, not so often but occasionally. I had taken Anna once or twice as she grew better, but she showed no especial interest in having her, so did not urge the child's visits. Evidently the cat question still rankled-on both sides. For Anna declared:
 II Ont take Pet; I ants kittie to stay wiv Nancy"
 Manville had been to the club regu- larly since my return, and he had often remained out in the evening. But l was quietly pleasant when he returned and asked no questions. 1 had accom- plished so much, things were so much different with me, that l was loath to say anything to cause disagreeable moment. Then, too, recognized that he was entitled to spend his time as he pleased, so lang as he did not belittle himself and me and until such time as I should have accomplished my desire that of making him care so much for me that he would rather be with me than with others. That was my dream; to have him want to remain, not remain from sense of duty.
 Then one day Mrs. Clayton made her party call.
 We had such delightful time at your bridgev' she gushed. And such delicious supper. I told Mir. Clayton that no one but Mir. Hyde could arrange such q menu"
 Tt happens Mir. Hyde knew no more what he was to eat that night than you did," I couldn't help saying.
 "Oh, you had a caterer! You must tell me where you found him. Who he is. Is he horribly expensive? Of course rate supper he might be reasonable" She had rattled on, not giving me chance to speak.
 T was the caterer, Mrs. Clayton. I got up my supper myself. Of course l have good cool. sthe sameu-epe we have had for some time." She looked as if she doubted my word and said no more anent the supper. I knew, how ever, that she would retail what I had told her, and the thought did not dis please me.
 Wasn't a strange coincidence that you and Lawson Mckee happened to be on that train together at the time of the accident?" was her next ques- tion.
 "We were not together, and it was very fortunate he was on the train. l was unconscious for time and some thing might have happened to Anna but for him.
 You were sitting together, then.