davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
SECRETARY NEWS REPORT

Postmaster General New takes high ground when he says that the purpose of he postoffice department is not primarily to save money, but to give the service Nor which the postoffice department was established. It is incumbent upon the n5epartment to operate as economically possible consistent with efflclency'
 e postal deficit this year amounts to
 little less than fourteen and half
 |lion dollars, as compared with de- s;t of more than sixty million for 1922 I1923. This showing is all the more re- Inarkable in that BOA rural routes were added during 1923, with a total added route distance of 8,346 miles, besides extensions in 2,597 routes already in operation. By these additions and eX- tensions 84.741 new families in rural districts are served. Tn discussing the reduction In deflclt, the postmaster general takes occasion to remark:
 AR gratifying us this reduction is, it
 is not the prime consideration in the ad-
 ministration of the service, which Is, Tn
 my opinion, that of rendering the pest
 service to the public consistent with due
 recsrd for cost. If the public does not
 receive a satisfactory service 1t IS no
 answer to say the expenditures have
 been kent within the revenues. The
 present administration concelVeS 1t to
 be its first duty to render this Satls-
 factory service.
 A topic ignored by Mir. New, and all the more conspicuous because ignored, IS the salary scale. It is believed that the low compensation accorded mail employees is not consistent with that efficiency ot
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
CALVIN AND THE SPHINX.

A Topeka democrat relates that Coolidge on A time visited Egypt. While wandering among the ancient wonders he paused in front of the Sphinx. The Sphinx said Hello" but Mir. Coolidge didn't say anything. City Star.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
FROM THE WISE.

Friendship is n plant that loves the sun ; thrives ill under clouds.
 -Alcott. Tears of joy are the dew in which the sun of righteousness is mirrored.
 -Richter. He is happiest be he king or peasant WHO Goethe. Repentance without amendment is like con tinually pumping without mending the leak.
 -Dilwyn. He who praises you for what you have not wishes to take from you what you have
 Manuel.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
End of the R0ad. |.

The monarchist agitation in Germany has practically collapsed. Erich yon Ludendorff, marshal and former brains of the German armies has deserted it's ranks. The general has left Bavaria and has gone to Prussia. Alter the revolution he made himself the leader of the irresponsible and .discredited junker party, who thought that the glory of a by-gone day could be revived. In Bavaria he has had so little encouragement, though it is the hotbed of monarchism, that he has moved to Berlin, where less encouragement awaits him. The Berlin monarchists have nc great love for the marshal, because he chose to champion the Bavarian dynasty for the imperial throne. Europe today abounds with statesmen and soldiers who have outlived then glory. Marshal Ludendorff is one of them Had he chosen to retire after the armistice, he would have gone down in German history as second von Moltke, as one who was never decisively beaten on the field, though the enemy outnumbered him in men and equip ment. The German republic benefits by his political exit. Slowly, even the old Junkel party is learning to adjust itself to new con- ditions. Time is on the republics side In a generation the junkers' place will know them no more.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

higher wages in other fields will inevi- tably attract experienced employees away from the service, and will fail to inspire capable persons to apply for positions under the civil service. This question has not been settled yet, and it will not be settled until met squarely and ad- iusted fairly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
Brief Nature Studies
TsHE fat, yellow pumpkins and squasnes M
 +oucbad hv fine frost and ripened by the
By ,. OTIS SWIFT

touched by the frost and rlpenea py 'ns
 \ suns of Indian summer, lie on the Darl floors CT out among the corn stuppie anu shocks in countless farms all across the cou,i- try. The handsomest of them have alreaGy been selected by the housewives for the max, ing of those pies, each one of wnlch IS thing of art and beauty, dream Of satlslac' ton, for Thanksgiving Day.
 Pumpkins, Cucurbita pepo, ana "ihtei , squash, Cucurbita maxima, as well as the M summer squash, are all delicacles tnat .;,;an ane American Indian contributed to our clSlllza- tion and our tables. The pumpkins was was cultivated in America before 149Z, propaoiS originating in sub-tropical and tropical Amer, Iica. The squashes were being cultivated py the Indians when the Europeans arrived m this country. The winter squash proDapiS originated in tropical America and the sum mer squash in temperate and tropical Amer ica. Neither the pumpkins nor squasnes eaNe evidence of having been cultivated for many centuries though seeds have been founu III rather ancient prehistoric Indian remains The red men who surrendered thelr country to us also gave us many fine 1000 pian'S with it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
Temporary License

I've cannot issue you a motor license at once," said the clerk at the license bureau, but we will collect your fee now and give you this Ten Day Permit"
 The next man in line was after marriage license. and he said: If you can't issue it now, I'd like Ten Day Permit"
 Mrs. C. l.. Edson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

The announcement that there is big surplus in the Republican national com, mittee's treasury indicates that it has already started savings account for the next slush fund. rI
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
PAINTED PARAGRAPHS.

The man who never made Il blunder IS poor one to have in responsible position.
 When Il woman neglects her husband s shirt she is no longer the wife of his bosom.
 The most comfortable way woman can eat her bread is to induce some man to earn it for her.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
Another Two.in. One Idea

q am going to invent a collar button that won't roll under the bureau"
 "Od stuff. Modern flats have no bureaus. Instead of non-rolling collar buttons, you'd better invent collar buttons marked also for dice, and let 'em roll"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

NEWS BuREAu-washington. goo Davidson Building; 0tats Capital Montgomery Journal Dutlding; Tennessee Valley. Decatur Daily y0uilding: Tuscaloosa. Nevs Building: Jasper 1Goantain Eagle Building; Anniston. Star Build ong; 0adsdsn, Journal Building: Muscle snoa'@ Er3-Ciuss Daily Building.
 SUBSCRIPTION RATEs-By mail payable ID advance. in United States and Canada; Dsh' and Sunday. one year. $500: six months. s%eo' three months Sa.25; enc month. ssc. Daily only: Ons year. SsSo: six months. S3.ss; 'nrss montAs, Si.7S; one month, 7so. Sunday oh' One year. e3so; six month"; s1.so; three mon'nA SSo: one nonth 3sc
 By carrier. where carrier delivery Is main' tainsd. 3eo per week, $50 per month
 MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PREss-Ths As sooiatsd Prsas is exclusively entitled to the use for publication of all news Dispatches credited 70 t. CT not otherwise credited in this paper and hlso ieoal news published therein. All rights he republication of special dispatches are also fsssrvsa.
 EXCLUSIVE MEMBER OF NORTH AMERi. CAN NDWsPAFgR ALLIANCE IN ALABAMA
 Telephone (privats branch .xcharEe connect. sng all departmsnts). Main <soo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

It is announced that the deficit in the postal service has been reduced to little over fourteen million dollars, despite the millions of vacation postcards.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

An expert says that most bandit schemes are bred in hotel Hobbies. Per. haps he has in mind the tipping system
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
Station T N T.:

Station T N T:
 Just line of appreciation to let you know how much enjoyed your talk on ''The Daily Menu"
 copied most of the recipes and handed them to my wife, whom l hope will profit by the advice given.
 I have been married 12 years, and of late she has served me with nothing but "cold shoulder" fixed up with pepper sauce, scraps of matrimony, and warmed-over love. With renewed thanks.
 Charlie Henpeck
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
SUBDUING NATURE.

The Missouri mule has been gentled. Next they'll be harnessing Kansas cyclones to the windmiIls.-New York Herald Tribune.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

There is sincere hope the country over that the lame-duck congress will be able to accomplish something without the aid of crutches.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

Among Samuel Gompers' notable achievements may be mentioned his genius for holding a job.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
RADIO APPLAUSE CARDS
 By Captain Kidd

Station F o B:
 May I thank you from the bottom of a grateful heart for the wonderful talk you gave us a few nights ago on the care of watches?
 The instructions you gave were followed by me with marvellous results. The hints sug- gested as to cleaning them were well worth remembering. I put mine in soak, and after taking it out in five days, l could not find a trace of rust on it! You're doing splendid work. .l; Chnrt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

just his vision with one eye fixed on the budget and the other on the vote back home. #
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

If the choice were left to me. whethsr to Aave . free press . free government, would cheese . free prssa--Thomas Jefferson
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

One of the problems of life in Chicago seems to be drawing distinctions between the police and the criminals.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
ANOTHER MEDICAL MYSTERY.

Considering the incentive to apoplexy it's strange how few men are found dead at the telephone.-Kansas City Star. As
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

By this time doubtless Egypt realizes that assassination is very unprofitable enterprise.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
ZM 3M| M|:lFEXHSp 'lAnA3f 3fz4XsOW HQXz1LL I1DELL
She Did Her Up Br0wT

SH6 DIu f1eT up DTVWH
 Marion: "That masseuse overcharged you for your mud-pack, didn't she?"
 Beth: "Ill say she did me dirty" Flora Hammer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
son.e Nature Taking Animals

Some Nature Taking Animals The Pony of Brandy The Horses Neck The Tailor's Goose The Mock Turtle The Stool Pigeon Butterflies of Fashion The Wrong Steer The Official Seal The Fly Cop Addressed Kids Blind Pigs
 Blind Tigers. Social Lions, and The Worm that Turns.
 F. w. Sinclair. Copyright 1924 Reproduction Forbiddsn.l
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
ON REDUCING

Reduction in surplus weight, especially by the womenfolks, has come to De poVh an industry and a science. Ihere1ore' many of the sex will be interested In a suggestion that comes from Vlenna' though said to be of South American origin. as to how to do it. In sup stance the process amounts simply to scrubbing the fat away, and IS as 1ol- lows:
 The scrubbipg treatment with a per
 fectly dry brisfle, trifle softer than the
 kitchen variety. must be taken four or
 five times a day--the more the better.
 After the scrubbing a cold or tepid bath
 should be taken A pound or so Of
 excess" disappears like magic every week.
 Of course, that will appeal to many ladies with excess avoirdupois But there is another way to accomplish the same results, though because of it's cost Tn comparison with the new treatment, and it's simplicity, it probably will fail to enlist the interest of many women It consists of vigorously hopping the kitchen floor, or running the vacuum cleaner with regularity every day.
 Still, these are mere suggestions, which may not receive the attention which they are due. It is largely mat ter of method, after all, and who shall say lust what process may be adopted bv those who feel the necessity of re- ducing?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

By this tipe Egypt probably appreci- ates that her true r'oie is to furnish arch geological materials.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

One of the hardest problems for the average congressman seems to be to ad-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03
THE AGE HERALD
vzrpzn,cx l. THOMPSON. :. PRESIDENT

Dntsssd at Birmin gnam. Ala. post office as sec. Daa-slass matter. act of Congress. March (. 1s'o
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

Copyright. 1924. Reproduction Forbiddsn.)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

Dangerous Forest Fires.---F
 careless people or by peSnlss - at any time cause a loss of livesV erty that should be avoided. The p bf starting fires in the woods is par Fly reprehensible when there has been Vpro- longed drouth and the wods are more easily set ablaze than usual.-Mobile Register.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-03

Public Welfare To Be Considerations thing is certain as members of Congress as semble at Washington for the short sessIoa ' Southern Senators still oppose the sale or lease of the Muscle Shoals plants to any com bination that thinks more of profits that may be obtained for it by the operation of the plants than it does for the protection of the interests of the people.-Montgomery Journal.
The Mellette County pioneer. [volume] (Wood, Mellette County, S.D.) 19??-1971, 1924-01-18
CHAPTER V--Ccntinued.

"But you've had dinner"
"Well, I'll have another. ! feel just
ready for a nice fat pork chop. . . :"
stop Stop"
"A nice fai pork chop with potatoes
and lots of cabbage" repeated Sam,
firmly. "And | shall eat 1t here on
this very lounge. Now, how do we
goT"
"You wouldn't do thatw said Eus-
tace ~piteously.
81 would and will"
"But ! shouldn't be any good at the
piano. I've forgotten how the thing
used to 60"
you haven't done anything of the
kind. ! come In and say, 'Hullo, Err
nest = and you say 'Hullo, Frank ! and
then you help me tell the story about
the Pullman car. A child could do
your part OF It,"
Perhaps there is some child on
board :"
,"Ndr TwaAt you. l shall feel safe
with you. We've done it together be-
fore"
"But honestly, ! really don't think.
. II isn't as If :"
Sam rose and extended a finger
toward the bell.
"Stop! Stop cried Eustace Hig-
nett. "Ill do jt!'
Sam withdrew his finger.
"Good - he said. "We've just got
time for q rehearsal while you're dress
ing. 'Hullo, Ernest y"
"Hullo, Frank" said Eustace Hig-
nett, b%rokenly, as he searched for his
unfamiliar trousers.
The Mellette County pioneer. [volume] (Wood, Mellette County, S.D.) 19??-1971, 1924-01-18
By P. c. WODEHOuSE
Copyright by George II. Doran Co.

ence sympathized with him. They felt
like that, too.
In all human plans there is ever
some slight hitch. some little miscal-
culatlon which just makes all the diff
ference. A moments thought should
have told Eustace Hignett hat a half
smoked cigar was n Of the essen
tial properties TO any imitation of the
eminent Mr.. Tinney but he had com.
pletely overlooked the fact. The cigar
came as an absolute surprise to HIN,
and II could not have affected him
more powerfully II il had been q voice
from the tomb. He stared at il pal
Idly, like Macbeth at the ghost Of
Banquo. 1t was q strong, lively young
cigar, and its curling smoke played
lightly about his nOstrils. His jaw
fell. His eyes protrudcd. He looked
for n long moment like ore of those
deep-sea fishes concerning which the
recent lecturer had spoken SO search
ingly. Then with the cry Of n stricken
animal, he bounded from his seat and
fled for the deck.
There was a rustic OF millinery at
Billie's side as Jane Hubbard rose
and followed him. Jane was deeply
stirred. Even as he sat, looking SO
pale and piteous, at the piano, he"
big heart had gone out tG him, and
now, in his moment of anguish, he
seemed to bring to the surface every
thing that was best and most compass
siOnate in her nature. Thrusting
aside a steward who happened to be
between her and the door, she raced
in pursuit.
Sam MarlOwe had watched hi
cousins dash for the open with Il
CONSERVATION SO complete that his
senses seemed to have left him. A
general, deserted by his men on some
stricken field, might have felt some
thing akin to his emotion. OF all the
learned professions, the imitation of
Mr.. Frank Tinney Is the one which
can least easily be carried through
slngle-handed. The man at the piano,
the leader of the orchestra, is essen
tial. He is the life-blOod Of the enter
tainment. Without him nothing can
be done.
For IN instant Sam stood there,
gaping blankly. Then the open door
Of the saloon seemed to beckOn an
invitation. He made for it, reached 4,
passed through it. That concluded his
efforts in aid oe the Seamen's Orphans
and Widows.
The spell which had lain on the au-
dience broke. This imitation seemed
TO them to possess in an extraordi-
nary measure the one qualify which
renders amateur limitations t~olerable,
that Of brevity. They had seen many
amateur limitations, but never one as
short as this. The saloon echoed with
their applause.
1t brought no balm to Samuel Mar
lowe. He did not hear it. He had
fled for refuge to his stateroom and
was lying in the lover berth, chewing
the pillow, q soul in torment.
The Mellette County pioneer. [volume] (Wood, Mellette County, S.D.) 19??-1971, 1924-01-18
THE PERFECT KNIGHT

Mrs. Horace Hignett. world
famous writer on ~theosophy. an
thor OF "The Spreading Light
etc, etc. arrives in New York on
a lecturing tour. Eustace, her
son, is with her. Windles, ances-
trail home OF the Hignetts, is his,
so her life is largely devoted to
keeping him unmarried. Enter
her nephew, Sam, son of Sir NAL
laby Marlowe. the eminent Lon
don lawyer. IT is arranged that
Sam and Eustace shall sail to-
gether on the Atlantic the next
day. Enter Bream Mortimer,
American. son Of a friend OF an
i~nsurfsrable American named
Bennett. who has been Fostering
Mrs. Hignett TO lease Windles.
Bream informs her that Will
helmina Bennett is waiting for
Eustace at the Little Church
Round the Corner. Bream HIM
self is In love with Wilhelmlna.
Mrs. Hignett marches off 10 Eus-
faces room. The scene shifts
10 the Atlantic at her pier. Sam,
heading for the gangplank, meets
n glorious, r~ed-headed girl, with
whom he instantly falls in love.
though her dog bites him. Eus-
tace appears. heart-broken. 1t
appears that his mother had
"pinched his trousers" and de-
layed the ceremony, whereupon
Wilhelmina had declared the we'd
ding off. Sam is pushed over
board. has n desperate struggle
in the water with another swim
mer and rejoins the Atlantic ut
quarantine. The red-headed girl
is Wilhelmina Bennett-"Billie.'
She halls Sam as a hero and In
PRODUCES Bream. Eustace, a poor
sailor, keeps 10 his berth. lie
doesn't know Billie is IN board.
Sam makes warm love. He pro-
poses and is accepted. Sam plans
TO sing in the ships concert and
forces Eustace TO promise TO be
his accompanlst.
The Mellette County pioneer. [volume] (Wood, Mellette County, S.D.) 19??-1971, 1924-01-18
R MEN AND MAID

appeared TO be wrapped in thought
and 1t was not till the sharp crack Ut
Sans head against an ~overhanging
stanchion announced his approach that
she turned.
"Oh, is that you?"
Eyes"
you've been a long time"
1T wasn't an easy job" explained
Sam, getting all that burnt cork or.
You've no notion how the stuff sticks
You have TO use butter. . :"
She %shuddered.
DON'T"
But l did. You have to with burnt
cork
Don't tell me these horrible things"
Her voice rose almost Historically. Il
never want to hear the words burnt
cork mentioned again as long as |
live"
II feel exactly the same" sam
moved to her side.
Darling" he said in q low voice,
lit was like you to ask me to meet
aOu lltlt. hllON WHAT ybu MtlC
thinking. You thought that | should
need sympathy. You wanted 10 pet
me, to smooth my wounded feelings.
to hold me in your arms, and tell me
that. as we loved each other, what did
anything else matter?"
Il didn't"
you didn't?'
mo, / didn't"
"Oh, you didn't! thought you did,"
lie looked at her wistfully.
Il thought" he said, that possibly
YOU might have wished 10 comfort me.
| have been through a great strain. /
have had Il shock. :"
And what about me?' she demand
ed ~pasS.onately. Haven't 1 had a
shock!"
He melted at once
Have you had a shock, too? Poor
little thing. Sit down and tell me all
about it,"
She looked away from him, her face
working.
Cant you understand what a shock
| have had? l thought you were the
perfect knight"
Yes, isn't it?"
Isn't what?''
Il thought you said 1t was a perfect
night"
II said thought you were a per-
feet knight"
"Oh, all"
a sailor crossed the deck, a dim fig
ure in the shadows, went over to a
sort of raised summerhouse with a
brass thingummy in it, fooled about
The Mellette County pioneer. [volume] (Wood, Mellette County, S.D.) 19??-1971, 1924-01-18
p VI

Ships concerts are given in aid OF
che seamen's orphans and widows, and,
after one has been present at a few
Of them, one seems TO feel that any
rlght-thinking orphan or widow would
rather jog along and take a chance
Of starvation than be the innocent
cause Of such things. They open with
q long speech from the master Of cere-
monies-so long, as q rule, that it Is
only the thought of what Is going to
happen afterward that enables the au-
dlence TO bear 1t with fortitude. This
done. the amateur talent Is unleashed,
and the grim work begins.
1t was not till after the all too brief
intermission for rest ind recuperation
that the newly formed team Of Mar
lowe and Hignett was scheduled to
appear. Previous to this there had
been dark deeds done in the quiet sa-
.oon. The lecturer On deep-sea fish
had fulfilled his threat and spoken at
great length on a subject which, treat
ed by q master of oratory. would have
palled on the audience after ten or
fifteen minutes; and at the end OF
fifteen minutes this speaker had only
!ust got past the haddocks and was
feeling his way tentatively through
the shrimps. "The Rosary" had been
sung and there was an uneasy doubt
as to whether 1t was not going TO be
sung again after the interval-the
latest rumor being that the second Of
the rival lady singers had proved ada
mant to all appeals and intended TO
fight the thing out on the lines she
had originally chosen If they put her
In irons.
A young man reclted 'Gunga Din"
and. willfully misinterpreting the graft
tude OF the audience that 1t was over
for q desire for more, had followed 1t
with "Tuzzy-W uzzy." Els slstcr-these
things run in famllies-had sung my
Little Gray Home In the West"-rather
somberly, for she had wanted to sing
the Rosary" and. with the same OBJ
tuseness which characterized her
brother, had come back and rendered
two plantation songs. The audience
was now examining It's programs In
the interval Of silence in order to
ascertail the duration OF the sentence
still remaining unexpired.
1t was shocked TO read the follow
Ing:
n. A Little Imitation IS. Marlowe.