The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-10-25
T. !
With The
Alibi Artists.
|A Cross Section Of the
Daily Grind in Judge
Mattingly's Court.
Read EN- and Weep.
BY DONALD AIaeDOUGAL
b. DONALD AIaeDOUGAL
A Sob Story.

- SUD StOrys
my client has been convicted
Of driving while drunk. il the
court please. and Is here for SEN
tence. l submit for the courts
consideration that shortly after
the commission OF the offense
my client developed certain men.
tai symptoms which resulted in
his confinement In Gallinger Hos.
pital for observe ton. The exam
lining physicians have pronounced
him q moron, aud l have here a
certified statement to that effect. |"
How old il your client?''
"Thirty-five years. your honor. !"
Let's see the certificate-tl1is
moron proposition Is somewhat
recent, isn't it--nothing was said
about 1t until just before sentence
was to be tmposed?"
"Oh no, your honor, My client
was undoubtedly a moron when
he retained my services"
Concrete Evidence.
Several moments eIapse. dur
ing which the court gazes flxedly
at counsel. Never mind the
certificate 50
my client has been married
twice"
You have already proved to
the courts satisfaction that your
client is a moron. Further evil
dence is redundant. Let the de-
PENDANT stand up" (Ie stands
up.l
"You have been pronounced a
moron. Do you know what a
moron is?,'
mo sir"
II don't think anyone else does,
either. Wen try you on some
thing else. Do you know what
that paper Is that counsel 10
holding there?"
II don't even know what
counsel is.n
THAT man beside you there"
"Oh, that paper my lawyer
has. Yes. sir--it's a moron's H.
cense."
NObIesse OblIge
1--WE often heard it more tact.
fully defined. but seldom as ac-
curately. Now that you are a
licensed moron, you must con-
duct yourself with the utmost
circumspection. The privileges
conferred upon you by the license
carry with them certain duties
You must conform in every de-
tail to the standard. you must
conscientiOusly respect the ira.
ditions, of. licensed morondom.
You are a knight Of the I'm
pressional Seal Immunity, with.
out fear and without reproach,
compared with hyena, but If
that doesn't hold you, you'll 60
to jail. Do you understand what
I'm saying2"
Skating ON Thin Ice.
Yes, sir. But / don't know
what It means"
You understand what is said,
but you don't know what 1t means.
Now, II you could know what Is
said without understanding what
Il means, you'd be a critic.
".The probation officer reports
that you have a wife and two
children to support, and II your
llooron's license is revoked -"
Medico-L.ega Procedure. !
Boob: '.Sniffle, snlffle, smith,
And ! send you to jail for six
months"
"Sniffle, sniffle sniff"
they'll suffer greatly this
winter"
"Sniffle, sniff1e sniff"
THE court sentences you to nay
a fine OF 5000"
',Sniffle. sniffle sniff"
OR serve six months IN jail,
suspended---''
PSniffle. snlffle, sniff"
- do you know what that
means?" it
Yes, shin going to be hung
-gniffle, sniffle, sniff"
mo. You. are going to have
ONE more chance but don't you
come In here again on any charge
whatsoever. Don't you Sd much
as say 'Boor to anyone. Under
stand7" % y.
',Boo-yes--hoo-hoO- -air. 1nieIle.
snlffle, sniff" 40 a n. :, ...s y