The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-02-15

done more for international peace
than all the diplomats of history.
###s+#
But certainly that doesn't apply to
the peace of the home when crazy
fashions are introduced by sensa-
tion-craving members of the family
We Know The One We Wouldn't
Want to Make Love To.
Two girls in Northwestern Univer-
sity recently engaged in an endur.
ance contest that wins the concrete
powder puff. They donned bathing
suits and waded into Lake Michigan
among the floating ice cakes. One
of them squealed as soon as her
feet touched the water, and beat il
for a fire and warm clothing. The
other waded out and calmly sat down
upon an iceberg.
sa&&*-
If the latter ever gets married her
husband will have to buy carload
of electric warming pads for then
bed.
Now comes a so-called scientist
and informs us that the heart is
NOT the seat of love He points out
that the liver is the source of the
tender emotion.
II that were true liver pills would
soon put marriage out of business
#*&&*s
Professor Sergeant, French scien-
fist, made this eoment: "The liver
has nothing to do with it, but the
stomach frequently has. Bad cook.
ing has killed more romances thar
anything else
A minister in Pierre, S. D., intro
duced movies into his Sunday even
ing services, and the church capac-
ity was soon outgrown so that &
theatre seating 1,500 was employed
every Sunday evening.
And the natural thing resulted
The biggest church in Omaha, Ne,
braska, heard of him, and so OF
April l he steps up several rounds
s*s&%*
Other preachers need to realiz
the truth of the fact that we ar,
living in the Twentieth Century.
*&&##%
1T MIGHT SAVE SHOE LEATHER
FOR THE GIRLS
A legislator in New York has in
troduced bill prohibiting the park
ing of automobiles in secluded spot
on rural roads where petting parties
take place.
That will only succeed in produc
ing more one-armed drivers.
**#*+*
Mrs. Ada Salter, who served al
mayor of Bermondsey, England, dur
ing 1928, has returned 1000 of tn,
$4,000 allowed her for expenses.
The newspaper report termed he
| thrifty" But the average greed,
politician would term her a blank
ety-blank fool!
"BLIND MAN SEEKS VALET
JOB TO PET DOGS says a New
York news heading of blind MAJ
who advertises a pup nursery foi
poodles of the idle rich.
| #*s&*+
It's a good thing he's blind, so h,
won't have to look at some of tn,
disgusting females who lug lap dog!
around.
Theer was an old chap who was blinc
Who offered rich poodles to mind;
When the pups were brought il
BY the danes fat and thin
He said, "Thank God the dogs arert
that kind!"
Our idea of dumh-bell is the fe-
male nincompoop in Trenton who
recently allowed her SOLDERING
poodle to lap up ice cream from the
dish from which she was eating at
a soda fount.
"Elopes Second Time With Girl
Who Caused His Conviction For Big.
amy" says report from Atlantic
City of man who is now being
sought by the police
&%***s
And yet they say that lightning
never strikes twice in the same
place!
With prohibition increasing the
output of the home-brew still, why
shouldn't the Teapot Dome boil over
&&&&s&
We can't help asseciating this
would-be word "scofflaw" with cold
slaw.
At best it is only suggestive of
some sloppy dish from yesterday S
leavings.
s&#s&&
We "swipedn this to fill out our
column
NEAR TRAGEDY
Voice in Darkness-"Rastu YOU
black rascal. get out of that chick
en-coop. I've got shot gun aimed
at YOU"
Voice from the Chicken-Coon--
go de Lawd's sake. colonel, don't
shoot You might kill a chicken!"
Aasesl Nsss~ss