Evening star., 1924-03-16
BY BEN McKELwAY.

tion for the prevention of, the
advancement OF, the protection OF
or the abolition Of any cause, OBJ
ject, theory or tendency which has not
established headquarters in Wash
ington with a paid secretary. filing
cabinet, corps of stenographers and
a memeographing machine, please
answer present" in a loud. unfalter-
ing voice and come forward with
suitable explanations. Washington,
with an old and honorable reputation
as the nations capital. has become
the national headquarters Of about
every organization. society, fedora
tion or association extant. The only
| logical explanation for the failure
of any of them to establish a head
quarters in Washington is the pos
sibility that the idea has not been
suggested.
Take up the telephone directory
and start at American" then switch
over to national" and if that is not
convincing. examine the "associa-
tions." societies" and the fedora
tions." Better still, glance at list
of national organizations, with head
quarters here. which was compiled
| some time ago by the local Mer-
chants and Manufacturers Associa-
ton. The list indicates a total of
about 272, but the list is getting old
now and revision probably would
show an increase.
Here's What You Find.
A man with fairly idle curiosity
may wonder what brings all these as
sociations to Washington and he may
| allow his pursuit of knowledge to
lead him into the Washington head
quarters. say, Of the National Asso-
citation for the Protection of Cat
fish" The name Of this organization
is fictitious, of course, but the
fictitious organization is character
istic, nevertheless. The National
Association for the Protection of
Catfish" occupies a large and hand
some suite in down town Of
fee building. Entering. one finds its
walls picturesquely decorated with
convincing poses, and a clipper
young lad with pencil poised over
a neat little pad asks the callers
name and his business. The visitor
! wishes to see the secretary about the
need for the protection of catfish and
he is ushered at once into a private
Office.
The secretary is busy. They are al
busy, but they are never too busy te
stop to explain about the need fol
conserving catfish. The secretary is
a man with remarkable head foI
figures. Once started he is able te
quote statistics and calculations and
deductions with rapidity and ease
that leaves his listener open mouthed
from pure admiration. He punctu-
ates his sentences with movements OF
his hand to the buzzer and he orders
his stenographer to produce in rapid
succession pamphlets Nos. 3, 4, and
S, which he places in a neat pile a,
his visitors elbow. When the visitor
thinks his informant may have run
out of figures and statistics concern
ing catfish he puts in a question, and
the secretary begins all over again
with marvellous agility at muster
ing new row of figures and a new
corps of statistics. The interview is
usually concluded with another ring
for the stenographer who appears
with a copy of Congressman Blanks
new bill for the preservation of cat.
fish with the hearings on the same
measure. The visitor, convinced OF
the absolute need for the preserya.
tion of catfish bows his way out and
departs
Then One Meets Foes OF Catash.
But this is only half Of the story, and
to satisfy any remaining craving for
information concerning catfish the curl
Gus one enters another Office building
and knocks at a door labeled ''The Ma.
tional Association for the Abolition OF
Catfish" Here the preliminaries are
virtually identical, although the visitor
may note that the walls bear pictures of
catfish in their ugliest moods. He be-
gins to experience certain suspicious
concerning catfish as he propounds an
| interrogatory to the secretary of this or
| ganization, and the suspicious mount
as the secretary proceeds with his an
swers. Strange to say, this secretary is
also master at quoting figures and
making deductions. He fairly staggers
the visitor about the danger of allowing
catfish to remain at large, and he pounds
the table and gnashes his teeth as he
rolls forth incredible facts concerning
the absolute necessity Of taking some
forward step to rid the United States
and all its tributaries of catfish. When
the visitor ventures an opinion. gained
from his recent interview with the sec
retary OF the rival Organization, he is