davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
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The Washington times., 1924-04-08

We heard the other day Of a
wise young man who when he
discovered that his finance was
spending a fortune on her clothes
turned around and married her
dressnnaker.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
w E B S T E r
TO DATE


Dry Agent-Th salesman who
reels off statistics which bore his
audience to tears.
Painless Dentist-The quick
tempered chap who picked a
fight and knocked a sore tooth
out Of your mouth.
Perpetual Motion - Something
which has never been discovered.
Scientists believe that the near.
est thing to it is an old maids
tongue.
Lapse Of Memory-A failing
common to professors, erring hus.
bands and witnesses.
Fire Escape-A ladder bum O.
escape from a building during y
fire, but more generally used az
an exit when Mother-in-law &
heard marching up the stairs.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

was weak and ner-
vous. My sister
in-law told me to
try Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Comp ound. My
husband got me
q bottle at once,
and 1t did ne so
much good that l
kept on taking II.
/ began to feel
well and strong
|a0ain and was
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

How can you smoke a
cigarette, Martha, like one Of them
actresses! You're disgracing the
family-not one Of my ancestors
ever drank, smoked or chewed."
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
CRACKLINGS

One advantage in being a reve-
nue. agent is that when you come
home ats2 in the morning you
can tell the wife It was business.
1t is surprising to note that
not one OF the pictures Of the
British Labor prime minister
shows him dressed in overalls.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
M ED B u r Y
SAYS
BY John p. Medbury.

r1sHE different steamship COM
panies are building their
n boats so large now that it
won't be long before we'll have
to be making our oceans bigger
In another year, our largest
vessel will be tied to New York
ana rub up against Liverpool.
1t will be so long that the cap
tain will only have to reverse it
two feet in order to back into
Hamburg.
80
Al passenger can be in the stern
Of the boat at Hoboken when he
starts, keep walking for a week
and then get to England two days
after the ship arrives there.
The boats will be so large that
q brother and sister on the same
steamer will have to write letters
to each other.
IA steamship official says he's
building boat now that's SO large
that passengers will have to take
taG1cabs from the dining hall to
their staterOOils.
%
In a few years you'll actually
be able to go from San Francisco
to China by automobile.
Can you imagine receiving this
kind Of Q wire from q friend:
"WouId have been in HOngkong
tomorrow only we had a puncture
In japan yesterday"
It viii be wonderful to go auto
MODELLING and get seasick at the
same time.
Passengers who cant afford
cars win have to put roller skates
ON their steamer chairs.
A guy who walked in his sleep
every night would get to his des-
tination two days before his wife.
The only way she could keep
up with him would be to spend the
entire day running.
But a husband who suffers from
double somnambulism can walk
twice as fast as his wife can run.
II anybody ever turned him
around in his sleep he'd be liable
to walk all the way back to Amer
lea while his wife was running to.
way Rotterdam.
The only way a couple like this
could travel together would be for
the wife to tie her husband in bed.
guy who walks in his sleep
very seldom stands in the middle
Of the room and waits for . street
car.
One fellow said he couldn't help
atrolling in his sleep, as he used
to be a walking delegate for the
night watchmen's union.
If the steamship companies do
build ships which touch the United
States with one end and England
with the other, it will be q won.
derfnl thing for the wOrlxingman.
Poor people will then be able to
walk to Europe.
copyright, 1924, by King Features
Syndicate. Inc.)
When q woman picks up q flat.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

Sorry I was late, pop, but Mr..
Doughbag has bought one Of
these things they call an auto
mobile, and it's the most wonder
full machine you ever saw. Goes
both forwards and backwards,
and can make twenty miles an
hour"
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
rundown
NERVOUS
Benefited by First Bottle Of
Lydia E. Pinkhalm's Vege
table Compound

Lancaster, Pa.-"After / was mar
ried became terribly rundown and
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

Earrings for men introduced in
New York art circles. states head
line. That's nothing new. Men
have been wearing things on
their ears ever since the radio
craze came in.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

on your auto is any more i'm.
portant than a brake on your
alarm clock.
Nine women have shot their
husbands during the past week.
It's getting so that bride wants
a gun license instead Of a mar.
riage license.
One argument for war is that
1t allows society girls q chance to
become democratic.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

II wish you would try to cut
down on expenses, Maria. Ten
dollars is lot Of money to spend
in one week just for food. These
storekeepers are getting to be
profiteers."
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

At least the men behind the
Teapot Dome lease were modest
in naming IL.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

A passenger can be in the stern
Of the boat at Hoboken when he
starts, keep walking for a week
and then get to England two days
after the ship arrives there.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

In another year, our largest
vessel will be tied to New York.
ana rub up against Liverpool.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

1t will be so long that the cap
tain will only have to reverse it
two feet in order to back into
Hamburg.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

the boats viii be so large that
Q brother and sister on the same
steamer will have to write letters
70 each other.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

When a. woman picks up q fiat
iron it isn't always for the pur-
pose Of smoothing things over.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08
DEAD LANGUAGE

Hiram, I've got big treat for
you tonight. Mrs. Brown has
new magic lantern with a dozen
beautiful slides. Wen go over
after supper and see all the won
derful views Of foreign coun.
tries"
BE sure you get home from the
party by IL o'clock, Tessie. This
business of roaming over the
streets with the town sports un-
til almost midnight has got to be
stopped. If you're late again to.
night you won't go out for the
next month"
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

IT'S a question whether a brake
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

In a few years you'l actually
be able to go from San Francisco
to China by automobile.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

AZ steamship official says he's
building . boat now that's SO large
that passengers will have to take
taGlcabs from the dining hall to
their staterOOnls.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

Can you imagine receiving this
kind Of q wire from q friend:
"Would have been in HOngkong
tomorrow only we had a puncture
in japan yesterday"
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

It will be wonderful to go auto
mobfling and get seasick at the
same time.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

Passengers who cant afford
cars win have to put roller skates
ON their steamer chairs.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

~ HE different steamship COM
panies are building their
boats so large now that it
won't be long before wen have
to be making our oceans bigger.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

A guy who walked in his sleep
every night would get to his des-
tination two days before his wife.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

The only way she could keep
up with him would be to spend the
entire day running.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

One fellow said he couldn't help
strolling in his sleep, as he used
to be a walking delegate for the
night watchmen's union.
The Washington times., 1924-04-08

If the steamship companies do
build ships which touch the United
States with one end and England
with the other, it will be q won.
derfnl thing for the wOrhingman.
Poor people will then be able to
walk to Europe.
copyright, 1924, by King Features
Syndicate. Inc.)
Evening star., 1924-12-05
WRGINIA'S GRID LIST
INCLUDES MARYLAND

CHARLOTTESVILLE Va. Decem-
the University of Richmond will be
Virginia's foot ball opponents in
1925, according to the schedule an
nounced today by d. E. Brown, grad
uate manager of athletics.
y two-year contract has been ar
ranged with the Marylanders, the
first game to be played on Lambeth
Field, here, and the 1926 contest at
College Park, Md.
The University of Georgia, an old
foe of the Cavalier, has been moved
to the second game of the season in
order that the date set for the games
for several seasons might be opened
next fall for Georgias contest with
Georgia Tech.
Six Southern Conference teams are
on the 1925 Virginia schedule, which
follows:
September 26-Hnmpden Sidney.
October 3-GeorEia at Athens.
October 1@University of Rich
mOnd.
October 17-virginia Military In
stitute.
October 24-University of Mary
land.
October 31-RnndOlph Macon.
November .-WashingtOn and Lee
Mt Lexington, Va.
November 14-Virginia Polytechnic
Institute.
November 26-University of North
Carolina at Chapel Hill, n. c.
Evening star., 1924-12-05
1925 GOLF CLASSICS
WILL NOT CONFLICT

NEW YORK, December 5.-Dates
for the three big golf championships
of the United States will be arranged
so as not to interfere with the lead
ing contests of Europe, according to
the schedule of American tourna-
ments now before the United States
Golf Association for action.
Under this temporary schedule the
national open will be played the first
week in June, at Worcester, Mass;
the amateur the first week in Sep
tember, at the Oakmont Club, Pitts
burgh, and the women's title affair
at ST. Louis, the second week In Octo-
Der. The public links event is set for
the first week in August, at Sails
bury.
The British open is listed for. Prest-
wick the week of June %, giving
American entrants plenty of time to
reach foreign shores after the meet
ing at Worcester. The British anna
teur and women's meetings will be
played at Westward Ho and Troon
the week of May rs, according to
present plans.
The U. S. G. A. has transferred the
Worcester Country Club from allied
to active membership, as the associa-
ton rules require that only voting
organizations be awarded champion
ships. The Omaha Country Club,
Brook Hollow, Daytona and LAUREL
ton also have been added to the ac-
tive list. The association now has
283 voting clubs and 430 allied.
William j. Foye of the Omaha
Country Club has been elected a
member Of the executive committee
in place of John r. Lemist of the
Denver Country Club. who resigned.
Mr.. Foye Is president of the Trans
Mississippi Gold Association.
Evening star., 1924-12-05

back position. The vote of all the
Southern coaches went to Wycoff.
The best linemen were outstanding
in the balloting. Stout of Princeton
and Lawson of California, as ends;
Weir of Nebraska and Gowdy of
Chicago, as tackles; Garbisch of
Army and Papworth of Pennsylvania,
as guards, and Lovejoy of Yale. as
center, were far ahead of the others
considered for these positions.
The closest race was for the half
back jobs on the second team. Pond
of Yale and Benkert Of Rutgers got
the honors, beating, by five votes,
Wilson of Army and Steger of Mich
igan, who, in turn, nosed out Baker
OF Northwestern and Tryon of Col
gate by only two votes.
In the squad of 33 players, the East
leads with 15, but the Middle West Is
only one shy of that number. Three
Pacific Coast stars were selected, and
one from the South. Notre Dame
considered the national champion;
Chicago, Western Conference cham
pion, and Army, each gave three
players to the squad. Yale, big three
leader; Princeton, Dartmouth, Rut-
gers, Illinois and Nebraska, each pro-
vided two. Pennsylvania, Eastern
leader in the winning percentages,
has but one man mentioned.
Evening star., 1924-12-05
COLLEGE PARK GETS
A. A. u. TITLE Event

BALTIMORE, Md. December Sat
a meeting last night of the board of
managers of the South Atlantic division
of the Amateur Athletic Union, at the
Hotel Emerson, the annual 6-mile cross
country race was set for College Park
December 13, and the University of
Maryland was named as the host or
ganization.
George Miller, vice president, Mary
land Swimming Club. presided at the
meeting in the absence of President
Adolph Picker. One new member was
admitted to the body, the Bryn Mawr
League and Athletic Association, a girls
organization, and one other, the Aloysius
Club of Washington, was reinstated.
The Bay Shore Swimming Club was
awarded the outdoor mems and womens
South Atlantic swimming champion
ship. to be held on August s, while the
indoor mems and women's championship
will be divided between two clubs in
Baltimore and Washington, the exact
apportionment to be decided upon later
The national junior boxing champion
ships will be held here the first two
weeks in March, the boxing committee
of the South Atlantic Association to fix
the exact dates. Charles l.. Ornstein,
chairman of the South Atlantic boxing
committee, will be in charge of the
tournament He is also a member Of
the National Amateur Athletic Union
boxing committee.
Evening star., 1924-12-05
TROUBLE is BREWING
AT BIG TEN MEETING

CHICAGO, December 5-Possibili-
ties of protests from teams of the
Western Conference, who have no in
tersectional foot ball games contem-
plated for next year, loomed today as
coaches, athletic directors and faculty
representatives opened two-day
schedule conference.
Because of games with outside
teams, several Big Ten schools may
drop conference opponents, above the
required four Big Ten games. Re
ports of possible breaks between GER
tain schools were current.
Four conference schools and prob
ably a fifth have scheduled inter-
sectional games. Michigan will en-
gage the Navy, Chicago will meet
Dartmouth and Penn. Illinois will
play Penn, and Columbia and Ohio
will clash Wisconsin also may
schedule Dartmouth, reports said.
Michigan may be left off the Chi
cago schedule, according to Director
A. A. Stagg The 1924 Big Ten cham
pion, in addition to the two Eastern
teams, expects to keep it's traditional
engagements with Illinois, North
western and Wisconsin, making it
impossible for the Maroons to engage
another team as powerful as the
Wolverines are likely to be.
Minnesota, which upset Illinois
1924 title aspirations, may be left off
the Illini schedule because of the
Penn game, although injury of Red"
Grange, Illinois famous halfback, in
the Minnesota game also might be
the reason. according to unconfirmed
reports from Urbana.
Today'S program consisted of
meeting of the athletic directors
with Maj. John L. Griffith, conference
athletic commissioner. Recommends
tfons TO increase preliminary prac-
tice basket ball games and award
ing of the conference outdoor and in
door track and field championships
were before the directors.
Wrestling and swimming coaches
considered dual meet schedules today.
Track and field mentors will ar
range their programs tomorrow.
Evening star., 1924-12-05

Green and January 81 Blue Ridge
will play George Washington in the
latter's new gymnasium.
Coached by Wagenman, a Western
mentor in charge OF the team for the
second season, Blue Ridge is ex-
pected to have a formidable quint
this Winter. The squad has been at
work some while and four of its
members, Cunnin CHAM. Cool, Akers
and Wilkinson, are said to be play
ers of caliber high enough to COM
mand much attention in competition.
just how good University of Mary
lands basket ball team is ought to
he known after it's games tonight and
tomorrow night. The Black and Gold,
fresh from its 24-to-1S victory over
Virginia at College Park last night,
will invade New York tonight TO meet
Columbia one of the best in the In
tercollegiate League. Tomorrow it
will move to Hoboken for a battle
with Stevens Institute. If 1t does
we'll against these two teams, even
though it does not win, Maryland may
expect a fairly successful season.
The College Parkers surprised even
their most ardent supporters when
they opened their campaign last night
in Ritchie Gymnasium. known to
have a veteran team that had been
drilling for some time, Virginia was
figured to have considerable edge on
Maryland The latter, though, with
but three days of practice behind it,
battled the Cavaliers toe to toe until
just a few minutes before the final
gun when it basketed it's way to
victory.
Maryland held a 9-to-5 advantage
at half time, but Virginia braced in
the second part of the fray and with
but little time remaining Maryland
found itself leading only Is to II.
Then came two field goals by Boyd,
former Tech High School tosser. and
another by Ensor, who was Mary
lands star in the contest, while Vir-
ginias best was a good heave from
the foul line.
Marylands team play was a trifle
off color at times. but it offset that
defect by its spirited performance on
the floor Virginia's main offense lay
IN Wren, an athlete Of slight stature,
who accounted for half of his teams
points.
Faber, Ensor, Supplee, Beatty. Card
well, Boyd, Troxell and Burger, who
played for Maryland last night, are
making the trip to Columbia and
Stevens.
Stevens Institute basketers are to
invade the South Atlantic section
next month for four games. They
will visit Maryland, the only varsity
team Stevens has a return date
with, january 27. Virginia will
be played at Charlottesville the
next day, University of Richmond will
be met at Richmond January 80, and
January 81 William and Mary will be
encountered at Williamsburg.
Evening star., 1924-12-05
First Team.
4 FOOT BALL season so spectacu-

A FOOT BALL season so spectacu-
- lar and boasting so many won
der players as that of this year really
makes 1t all but impossible for one
man to select a truly representative
allAmerica eleven. However, the
above selections that appear in the
December number of All-Sports
Magazine of Chicago are worthy of
much consideration. They represent
the consensus of opinion of 312
prominent foot ball coaches, officials
and sports writer's about the coun-
try, and the result ought to be an
ideal allEAmerica team.
In counting the votes of the 312
men selecting players there were a
few outstanding features. Red Grange
Of Illinois was the only unanimous
choice for any position. Crowley of
Notre Dame was almost a unanimous
choice for the other halfback job and
Hazel of Rutgers, because Of his
great passing, running and kicking
was q great favorite for the fullback
post.
In the fight for the quarterback po-
sition Dooley Of Dartmouth outscored
Stuhldreher of Notre Dame by a few
votes. McCarty of Chicago and wy
coff of Georgia Tech, the only south
erner to break into the charmed cir
Gle, almost tied for the second full
Evening star., 1924-12-05
Boston College on c. T. 1925 Gridi10n Schedule
SOUTHERN CONFERENCE
FACES MANY QUESTIONS

NEW ORLEANS, La, December
5.-With representatives from the
~ member institutions attending,
the annual meeting of the South
ern Intercollegiate Conference be-
gan here today.
DIR. y. v. Sanford of the Univer-
sity of Georgia, president OF the
organization, presided.
The meeting opened with an ex-
ecutfve session and other closed
sessions are to be held tonight and
tomorrow.
Admission of new members, pos
sible efforts to abolish base ball
as an intercollegiate sport and
changes In eligibility rules are
questions, 1T is understood, that
may come up at these sessions.
Many of the conference 1925 foot
ball schedules are expected to be
completed as IA result of the gath
ering.
Evening star., 1924-12-05

The Brooklanders expect to retain
their present coaching staff and 1t
probably will have more material to
work with next year. The one-year
residence rule weakened the team to
some extent this Fall. but in several
games, notably in the scoreless tie
with the University of Maryland. it
gave a good account of itself. and
with many of the 1924 varsity men
returning, a strong eleven is antici-
pated in 1925.
Attention also was given to the
development of freshman foot ball at
Catholic University this Fall, and sew
eraI members of the first-year aggre-
cation gave promise OF becoming val
liable varsity timber. These added to
leftover regulars of the representa-
tive squad ought to give the coaches
a good start in the next gridiron
campaign.
Maryland expects to complete It's
1925 foot ball nchedule this week.
The Old Liners have plenty of games
in prospect, but are finding it difficult
TO find mutually agreeable dates with
would-be opponents. Under the
rules of the Southern conference, of
which Maryland is a member, 1t is
compelled to meet at least four con-
ference elevens, and they have been
o.,
While it would like to schedule games
syvith more than that number, 1t is not
likely to do so, as it is under con-
tract to meet Johns Hopkins again
and will retain its place on 1ale's
schedule That fills six inches on the
College Parkers' list.
The Black and Gold probably may
open its campaign September "a
against University of Richmond. The
Richmonders are seeking that date.
other colleges of the local group
are busily engaged in arranging foot
ball dates for next year. but so far
have not accomplished enough to
warrant many announcements. George
Washington likely will tackle Cath
Ollie University next Thanksgiving
Iday, although that game has not been
definitely settled. Several of the
teams encountered this year by the
Hatchetites, however, will not ap-
near on their 1925 schedule.
Gallaudet is seeking games with
colleges of the class it coped with so
successfully this Fall. So far,
Georgetown has named only one 1925
opponent, the Quantico Marines, but
tho date for that engagement has
not been agreed upon.
Blue Ridge College of New Wind
sor, Md, is to be much in evidence
in basket ball here this Winter. The
team of the little college in the hills
is to visit this city three times for
tilts with local varsity quintS. Its
first appearance will be December 13,
when Catholic University viii be met
at Brookland. January 10 Galladuet
will entertain Blue Ridge at Kendall
Evening star., 1924-12-05
WASHINGTON U. WILLING
TO PAY A COACH $4,000

ST. LOUIS, Mo-, December s.
Washington University fs willing
to pay $4,000 n year for n foot
ball cOach, who can develop a win
ming team.
Chancellor Herbert s. Had1ey.
has announced himself as behind
a move to put Washington on the
foot ball map.
Despite n large enrolment. the
school for years has been a tail
cnder In the Missouri Valley Con-
ference.
Evening star., 1924-12-05
NORTHWESTERN TO HAVE
STADIUM BY NEXT FALL

CHICAGO, December 5.-North-
western University next foot ball
season will be numbered among
the Western Conference schools
having huge concrete stadiums.
Plans for new stands to seat
$4,000 have been announced, the
stadium to be ready by October I,
1925.
A basket ball court to seat 10000
will be constructed under the
stands.
During the last season the purple
eleven played before 16S,OO0 spec
tntors, a rs Per cent increase over
1923 ..