Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-05-09
JOE BEVO
(His Essay
THE BACHELOE

Shore, if you want ter git
reech queeck witout work, bot
Mise leetle farm bout tree mile
rum no phase. Five honnerd
dollar down an de balanse paid
by yor gran'chil'run if dey sur
Vive ter henjoy de morgige, will
geeve you fine start, an de res
VIII came easy-if you tink so.
DE Teller dat choose farmin's
Ter hees fav'rit pastam is wise
bird. He's alters guarantee
plainly healt'y exercise, an de
daily. duzzen he don't had ter
took by parcil pos.
De farmer is ncvair worry bout
anything on de worl-an' wy
not? If dere's somting he want,
he jess dig hole in de groun',
tro som seed insides. hoe de
dirt back on top. den stretch out
with hees pipe in de hammock
onder de crab-tree an wait fer
de resolt. Nodding ter did tell
de crop came in!
Iass, he kin raze ev'ryting but
de morgi-e an few odder ting,
so w ats Qe use complane?
DE farmer dat onderstan' hees
heezness kin git all hees days
Job done in eighteen our by de
clock, an spen' de remanes NV
neeS spare tam playin' wit de
GREEN separator an stirrin' swill
Ter de pig. Wen dis crate sport
is finish fer de mite he cud bunk
on de back NV billy goat an
sleep witout countin' de woolly
vans. An de bes' part NV it, he
don't had ter git up in de morn
in. tell half pas tree A. EN-.
onless dc barn ketch fire.
Wen de farmer want feefty
puck an need it rite off de bat
Jess lax TOXIN candy frum de
kiddo. All he have ter did is
lode on seek barril pertater, wan
case NV fresh aig (Which is lay
hy ,twanty-four framed chicken
IN feefteen wiks), an wan fur
kin NV butter. He will crank de
hivver an rattul ter town wit
JOY in hees hart.
But he is happy fer short tam.
DE retailer Nv Watterveel an
Gusti will offer heem anything
'cept dc cash he otter had. ter
pay de int'rust on hees note.
1ass, de grocer man don't want
ter bot somting, but will be glad
ter swap wit heem an TAX ieet-
tie boot on de side.
SO de cheerfool farmer return
back ter hees forty aker NV rock
an rale fences wit twelve pack
ige NV allspise, ten poun' NV
sugar, four grape fruit, Ave gal
lun karryseen, an de res in can
goods.
II de morgige is fourclose mex
vik-he shud worry. He has did
de hes he don't know how, an
mus took hses chanse with de
bank.
I'll sed so! If you alters maxi
1aleyer NV ev'ryting you tackul.
dere's wan good chanse lef' ter
suckseeds: Git back ter de Ian.
Git back ter de cutworm an hook
weed. Quit de loom fer de plaw.
Trade yor orfise fer hoss-rake an
60 back ter de woodchucks.
an hencoops an TAX vakashun
fer de remanes Wv yor life.
F'armin' is de on'y shore ting
in de Unite Estate. All profit
an no eggspense. De COW will
geeve milk yeer roun' an you
don't have ter fed dem in de
winter. De hen will lay aigs by
de peck an satisfy ter live on
Crawl an brokin lamp chimblys.
you keel a caff wen he's a
heffer. you will have wan COW
less ter milk wen she git grow
up
Mos anybuddy weesh he was
a farmer. but nobuddy rosh ter
tak's de chanse. OATS a foolish
ideer in de secun' phase, becus
de job Is regerIate by Mudder
Nachar an de fosfate facktry.
an tween de two dey seldom
max meestak'.
An beside, de pertater crop
Kin be insured 'ginst de wedder.
rust. bugs an sofort-if you
plant turnup insted.
II Dupont kip hees word an
fed de crow on gun powder de
sam he promise. de corn will be
safe tell de frost git back.
De grasshopper has ben warn
BY de state ottereties ter kip out
an. stay som odder phase.
Shore. farmin' Is de rosy rode
ter Prosperity, an you kin travil
tell yor back is brake an end
UP wit a forchune.
Per Romeo Horace Dyer.