The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-01-04
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SMILIN THRU
1T MATTERS NOT
BY GEE DEE

That all my efforts be for naught,
Or that / win unstinted praise!
The thing that matters most of all
Is that | leave my task well done.
And with heart made unafraid
Await the setting of the sun!
+s&%s#
A Scotch scientist recently inform
ed the world that there never was
any such individuals as Adam and
Eve.
What's the use of trying? Some
one will always rob you of the cred
It'll After poor old Adam and Eve
achieved fame as being the first
man and woman, here comes an
upstart who tells US "there amt no
sech ANIMAL"
Kupper Bier, butcher of Newark,
was 104 years old last week. He
says he smokes, and takes two drinks
of liquor every day.
When asked if he didn't think Ii
quor was harmful, he replied that
he didn't know. But he said that
if he ever found it was hurting him,
he would stop it, because he wants
to live to a ripe old age.
t***#+
DR.. Schireson, of Chicago, has won
fame by making women's faces over.
Fannie Bryce, the popular coined
ienne of Ziegfeld's Follies, has
beautiful face that is the handiwork
of DIR. Schireson.
What a pityl We've always prid
ed ourselves on reading character
in faces. But the skillful doctor
now threatens to make the crook
look like an angel!
| *&*%&*
Here's laugh for you: The Ger
mans are reported to be cursing the
slant-eyed Chinese in sulphurous
terms because the slant-eyed Orien-
tails were the ones who invented pa
per money.
They say that minds of great
men all run in the same channel
If that be so, they must all be TAX
ing a downward slant lately. AS
evidence of it the following disser-
tations on the various phases of
legs were CLEANED from the news
papers last week:
VICTORIAN PANTALETTES
ITO REAPPEAR IN LONDON"
says a dispatch from that city. 1t
is explained that there have been
over generous exposures of legs in
recent styles, and that halt must
be called.
Graham Stephens, a movie writer,
says that beautiful legs are essen
tial to movie stars. He reports that
out of one group of applicants of
BOT there were only 6 who had legs
trim enough to be accepted for parts.
"They all look good when they are
far away" may be an appropriate
title for another story. Weltha Kar-
funkel. the possessor of a pair of
beautiful legs which have been pic
tured in hosiery advertisements be-
fore your delighted eyes these many
times, has just secured divorce
from her husband. He had found
another woman that he liked better
In Fort Worth, Texas, dry agents
report that many women are selling
liquor. They call them HOSE
LEGGERS." We only need to add
that it is appropriate that the "first
national bank" should be engaged in
such lucrative business.
Even ministerial tudents are not
above the downward slant" of OBJ
serving legs. AS proof of it a
West Virginia Wesleyan College girl
was detected cheating in examina-
tons by a ministerial student in the
same class. He found that she had
written the answers to a chemistry
examination on her legs and was
reading them thru her sheer silk
hose. And he squealed on her! The
dirty dog!
GIRLS ARE GROWING HUSK-
IER," says Miss Lydia Clark, phys
ical director of girls in Ohio State
University. She goes on to say that
girls waist lines are growing larger
and that their legs are more solid
and are losing their curving lines
Perhaps that is the real reason why
the victorian Pantalettes" are com.
ing back.
Some say that the English are
slow. But Sir DeCourcy Moore, Of
London, has just sprung new one
on us, He recently got a divorce
on the grounds that his wife haC
been caught 'canoodling with tn,
chauffeur. You can make youl
own pun about that
**s*ss
Our 1924 Almanacs go out will
this issue. This is our fourth edition
and every time we issue it we live
for several days in dread that some
one will want to know why the dis
. emboweled man is pictured therein
, And to forestall any such ques
ton, we herewith go on record a.
being absolutely ignorant about tn,
: whole business. We have referred
to learned book on almanacs, bu
it also is vague, as far as our linn
, tied intelligence is concerned.
! 1t tried to say that when medicin,
first came into use that prescrip
. tions We're given according to tn,
| signs of the Zodiac And as diff
ferent parts of the body were con
; trolled by different planets, then tn
, lmedicine WAS nreserihad oneord;nc a.