The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-12-25
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The Visitor

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1--WE had an urgent letter from my
married daughter out West asking me
to go there and visit the family for
two or three weeks at the Christmas
season. said the retired merchant
land / guess I'll go. They have three
or four children and I've never seen
some OF them. hope to make great
hit as grandfather"
well, of course it's q good thing .
visit your daughter at Christmas
time, remarked the hotolkeepor, "but
if you take my advice you won't stay
more than twenty-four hours. II you
just blow in on her family anc shake
hands all around, and give the kids
some candy and picture books, and
then blow out again, those young ones
will always look upon you as a sort Of
fairy godfather, and will speak your
name reyerently, but If you loaf
around there two or three weeks
they'll size you up as a stuffed prophet
and make life burden to you.
q have a married daughter of my
own, and, by a singular coincidence,
she has several children, and three or
four years ago she insisted that
should go to her place and make a
good long visit. So l went at Christ
mas time. My daughter Lad educated
her children in the belief that l was
a great and good man, and when first
got there they looked upon me with
awe. They listened to every word of
mine as tho a doggone oracle was
speaking, and / thought | had never
seen such nice kids. Had 1 gone away
after staying one day all would have
been well, but stayed on, and pretty
soon those children began to lose
their respect for me. They saw that
was merely human. 1t beats all how
quick kids can size you up anc govern
themselves accordingly.
II always lie down after the midday
banquet and take nap, and my
daughter provided a sofa in the sit
ting-room for this function. Well, I
must admit that my snoring is out of
tune, but when I'm at home nobody
pays any attention to it. The second
day l was at my daughters l woke up
after a few hours of refreshing slum-
Der and found those kids standing
around looking at me as a man might
look at a pink ostrich in menagerie.
They insisted that I should snore some
more. 1t reminded them of their Uncle
Andrews sawmili, they .iaid. Later
in the day some visitor dropped in,
and was posing as a distinguished
old gentleman of culture and refine
ment, and those kids began clamoring
to have me snore again, so the COM
pany could hear. l never was up
against anything more embarrassing.
when / first went there they had
the idea that a grandfather was a
gorgeous sort of individual, superior
to ordinary human weaknesses, but
my stock slumped like thunder when
had an attack of rheumatism and
had to sit around amounting fetlocks
with liniment That reminded them
that old CATER Gooseman used to have
rheumatism, and used to soak himself
with liniment. and he went to the
poorhouse. Children always associate
ideas together in queer way. dog
gone them, and those kids came TO
the conclusion that was destined for
the poorhouse. They expressed their
convictions to other children, and
those children passed the story along.
and so it got to be the talk of the
town that / was just stopping at my
daughters temporarily before taking
up permanent quarters at the poor
farm, and my daughter came in for
a lot of criticism.
well, inside of a week those kids
had me sized up as talse alarm, and
they began playing tricks on me,
which is a thing despise. When /
was taking my afternoon nap they
tied string to my shoe and then fast
ened it to the chairs and things, and
when got up upset all the furniture
in the room and made such racket
that my daughter came with her
planned to her what the kids had done
she few up and said | must be in my
dotage, for her little darlings wouldn't
dream of doing such thing, she said
I must have tied that string myself
II saw that it was time to do a
vanishing stunt, so packed my kit of
burglars tools and left for home on
the first train. Had stayed just one
day I'd still be the high man with
those kids"