davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
|-hF,asONCE
 1 E9y OYER
War By Anaesthetic.

Hs
 War By Anaesthetic.
 Scientists and engineers are busy arrang- ing things so the next war can be taken by everybody without feeling it. Devices have now been completed, according to Major Gen eral Squier, by which flocks of pilotless air planes can spread gases over an enemy coun. try and put the people to sleep for two days.
 Thus war will be no more painful to the average citizen than a tooth extraction or an operation for the removal of adenoids. When he comes out of the 'ether" it will be all over.
 A war will be won by the nation with the larger supply of anaesthetics. The extent of nations defense will depend largely upon what it says in it's sleep.
 The next war will be war of unconscious. ness. In the words of William Jennings Bryan "a million men will spring tasbed over night" It will be an eye for an eye, tooth for tooth and dream for dream.
 A stacker will be man who comes out of the anaesthetic before the battle is over.
 TYPICAL SCENE IN WAR OF 1945 DcuIry I1dit. WHO goes tHeFes Foe: I'm the gas man.
 Sentry: Advance, gas man and explain yourself. Foe Gin complete hospital attire) Are you ready for the operation?
 Sentry; What operation?
 Foe (giving him the anaesthetic) {: Take a deep breath while I remove your country. Etc. Etc. R e. POSSIBLE WAR COAIMUNIQUE
 l have met the enemy and he is ossified Attack opened at 6 a. m. Enemy took laugh ing gas nicely and went to sleep at 6 10. He delivered counter attack consisting of two nanny songs, a speech accepting the nomi-. nation for the presidency and fierce argu- ment insistin gthat he was the emperor of Japan. We are holding we'll against his de- lirium. In addition to taking his country we will take his watch, cuff-links and shirt studs. Enemy resting quietly atsiake hour. Pulse, 7S. Temp, 99. E4e
 Gen: Asphasia tA p.) General Squier's prediction of piIofless air planes strikes new note in warfare Rider less cavalry, unoccupied warships, vacant caterpillar tanks and maness trenches will necessarily follow. Give scientist his head and he never knows when to stop.
 Thousands of ears will move slowly into action without any mules attached to them, important messages will be taught to ride motorcycles unattended and entire army camps pitched by radio
  Six of the countrys most celebrated scientists are now reported at work on a device that will make it possible for sardines to make the trip from Hoboken to Metz with out any can. i fsa-
 
 Wonders will never cease By the time another ruler goes mentally defunct and or ders war delivered to him at once science may have devised way by which an army of two millions uniforms may be raised and sent to the front without any men in them. Who knows?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
THE TRUE PROGRESSIVE

From my point of view he only deserves to be called a progressive who cannot wrong persist without an effort to redress it, right denied without effort to protect 1t; who feels a deep concern for the economic wei fare of the United States, but realizes that the
 making of better men and better women is a matter greater still; who thinks of every gov ernmental policy first of all in it's bearing upon human rights rather than upon material things; who believes profoundly in human equality and detests privilege in whatever form in what ever disguise, and who finds the true test of
 success in the welfare of the many and not tho prosperity and comfort of the few. The civic
 unit of America is not the dollar, but the in- dividuaI man. All that goes to make better and happier and freer and women is progress; all else Is reaction.-John W. Davis.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
All Roads To Rome.

Immense hotels are being erected by the municipal authorities at Rome, for the pur- pose of housing the 100000 tourists and pilgrims who are going to be in the Eternal City next year. It is estimated that between 5 5,O0O,OOO and 6.00O,0O0 pilgrims will arrive in the course of 1925, which has been pro- claimed a holy year by the pope. Some will stay for a month or two months, but it is figured that there will be 3,O00,OOO strangers in the city at a given time. Mussolini, whose policy has been marked by 8 desire for con ciliation with the Vatican, is cooperating actively with the authorities of the Latin church. He has gone so far as to alienate the Masonic bodies, by declaring that mem- bership in freemasonry constitutes ties of solidarity with an internationalist organiza- ton, and therefore conflicts with fascismo, which is nationnlism pure and unadulterated in the eyes of Mussolini. Still there is really nothing local. especially not local Italian, about the Catholic church either.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
E HotU To Build 4 House e
THE walls of house are not built of
 Wnod hrick OF stona. hut of truth and
By DIR. FRANK CRANE

THE walls of a house are not built of
 wood, brick or stone, but of truth and loyalty. 2t
 Unpleasant sounds, the friction of living, the clash of personalities. are not deadened by Persian rugs or polished floors, but by con ciliation, concession and self-control.
 The curtains that screen the household goods from the eyes of the vulgar and curi- ous are not woven of lace, but of discretion,
 The food of the home is not meat and bread, but thoughtfulness and unselfishness, for these keep joy alive. @f
 The real drink is not wine nor water, but love itself, which is the only known thing that is at once food and an intovieant.,
 The bed is not to be of down and white linen, but of "a conscience void of offense to- ward God and toward man."
 The lighting is to be not of the sun by day, or by electric bulbs by night, but by loyal affection, shining always in dead eyes. burning always in true hearts
 Your home is not where you lay off your clothes, but where you lay off your cares. 4. The cellar of your house is not to be filled with apples, but with the memory of sacred intimacies, of little heroisms unknown to the world, of sufferings borne nobly. ga In the attic you do not store old trunks and letters and gowns, but you keep there the kisses, sayings, and glances that cheered
 
 now a sweet sorrow when dried by time. + The house is not structure where bodies meet, but hearthstone upon which flames mingle, separate flames of souls, which, the more perfectly they unite, the more clearly they shine and the straighter they rise to- ward heaven. t&% Your house is your fortress in warning world where a woman's hand buckles on your armor at morning and soothes your fatigue and wounds at night
 The beauty of a house is harmony. .
 The security of house is loyalty. f9 The joy of house is love. The plenty of house is in children.
 The rule of house is service.
 The comfort of house is contented spirits.
 The rats and mice in house are envy and suspicion. ii The maker of house, ot real human house is God himself, the same who made the stars and built the world.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
UnreaIity

(LOuise Saunders in Schibner's Magazine.l There is in me q pattern, light and shade, As shadowed branches moving on moonlit
 wall The complex tracery that you have made Upon my heart it is but shadow after all. But lovelier far than sunlight and green
 leaves
 Can be.-this lacy silhouette in black and
 white
 This Towering scarf of imagery, that
 weaves A dream and sings the sOundless music of
 the night.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
From Tine ..Pravda."

While Ramsay Macdonald is facing hos tile country in the matter of a government loan to Soviet Russia and tells his opponents that Russia intends to undertake responsi- bility for the money loaned in England, by the Kerensky government and the czars, M Kameneff, president of the Moscow Soviet, gives the following interesting interpretations of the treaty between England and his coun- try: 'The treaty mentions that we need not pay the claims of English creditors rOIble for rouble. This means we can pay 90 kopecks per rouble, 25 kopecks if we want to or even louse" That's little better than repudiation. it would seem.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
A FabIegram.

A hare and tortoise undertook to run a race. In few bounds, the hare was so far ahead of the tortoise that he lay down in the sun and slept for three hours
 When he awoke, the tortoise was still so far behind, as to tbe barely visible. Poor fish," said the hare, as he sauntered ieisurely to the goal, nibbling at lettuce all Ehe way. When the tortoise finally reached the goal, three days later, he was so chagrined that he apprenticed himself to an optician for tor toise-shell spectacles.
 -S H
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Exhibition of Civic Duty

The people of the Tri-Cities gave. no. table exhibition on Monday of the proper dis charge of the duties of citizenship in the manner in which they tourned out to vote In none of the three cities was there clear cut issue in which the public was involved, and yet in each one records were broken in the number of ballots cast. Such general turnout for an election is highly commend. able, particularly under4 the circumstances, and indicates that the people are assuming. the responsibilities whichf rest upon them in a conscientious manner. The democratic form of government has achieved it's pur- pose, the majority has spoken, now let every one give the fullest support to those who will. administer the local public bnsiness.- Florence Times. .14. = tes f
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

penses a. it Is to run behind them. h. deed, careful and systematic administra- tion of public funds would in few years cause the accumulation of such reserve that bond issues for public construction, with their attendant multiplied cost of benefits thus purchased, would be in great degree obviated. To be sure, to ad- minister funds in this manner requires financial ability and administrative ca pacity. It is usually not done
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
HKa Sk FUN Hk I Iz5:m SHOP
 lllHuSaG TzAXsOW [QNz4kL J1oEZL .
Other Mems Clothes.

Other Mems Clothes. Sometimes, when come home at night, And gain the quiet of my flat, I find, when I turn on the light, I've got some other fellows hat, And when try it on, it fits; l Ike its shape, it's ribbons ton,, Much more becoming than my own. And so with borrowed shoes or ties Or major garments such as shirts, They are so pleasing to my eyes The thought of parting with them hurts, And so, upon my closet shelf, guard and keep this raiment fine, And with the thought absolve myself, They're doubtless just as pleased with
 mine."
 GEORGE s. CHAPPELL.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

SUBSCRIPTION RATES-By mail, payable in advance. in United States and Canada Daily and Sunday, one year. $500; six months. A.O0; three months. s2.25: one month. s5c. Daily only: One year. S6.5o: six months. s3.25; three months, s1.75; month 75c. Sunday only: One year. s25O; six months. s1.so; three months. 75c: month 2Sc
 By Carrier, where carrier delivery is main tained, 200 per week; S5c per month.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

A French municipality has gone into the undertaking business, and offers funerals at three dollars. Some funerals are worth much more than that to almost any community,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

The M mphis Commercial-Appea thinks that the reason fewer young wom- en are chaperoned these days is that the chaperones don't like to ride so fast And they need a. few hours of sleep.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

To the Editor of The Age Herald We read with interest the communication of J. F. Holm in the Forum of the People, ' printed in your issue of September 21. In reference to this article we wish to state that we have been using pastors like the one attached for some time
 ALABAMA TEXTILE CO,
 E. R. WRIGHT. Albany, Ala, Sept. 9, 1924.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
$ Matter!

The elderly bachelor professor had just wed d fair coed. '1.' 7+evt-'N
 In the train, just started on his wedding tour, the happy groom could not resist inn printing kiss on the cheek of his blushing bride. Just at that moment the train off cial passed through the car called the name of the next station Sawyer! Sawyer" T don't care if you did, said the irate professor, she's my wife,
 MARTHA YOUNG.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

A Astop-look-and-listen law is advocated by the chamber of commerce of Tusca-
 loosa. This does not apply to the loco
 motive engineer undertaking to maintain his schedule,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

An English woman is reported to make a business of training ducks as actors. We have known some histrionic geese who might have been improved the same Wey.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

While discussions about the responsi bility for the last war is being settled it might be well to avoid any necessity for future contentious along this line
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

It is noted that so-called conscientious
 objectors enjoyed their protection as
 much as the next one when the late trouble started.s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

It is reported that coyotes were heard bowling in New Jersey bogs. This seems to be merely another Jersey mosquito story in disguise.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
THE AGE HERALD
FREDERICK I. THOMPSON. ... PRESIDENT

Entered at Birmingham. Ala. post office as sec-
 ond- class matter, act of Congress. March 6, 1879
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Watching The Parade
W/HAT is cowardice, anyhow? Hanged W if 1 know. We all know certain mani
By JOHN PILGRIM

W/HAT is cowardice, anyhow? Hanged w if know. We all know certain mani
 festations of cowardice But is it fair to say Of the man who displays them that he is a coward
 Poor little Johnny Truebody.' said his lieutenant was coward"
 It is perfectly true that Johnny was not much of soldier. K P. was about his speed during his stay in France. The other -huskies in his company treated him as full-bOdied men usually do treat men they suspect of cowardice They were frightened, of course, when the whistle sounded to hop Over But they hopped. Johnny hopped too, but three times he tainted immediately after. Then he became the companys permanent K. P. He was good little kid, too," said his lieutenant. I'll never forget the shamed look in his eyes. He did his best, but he could not command his nerves. He was con- genital coward"
 Johnny came home and got his old job back, but his reputation followed him. Then some money was stolen in his office and the evidence pointed to Truebody. coward why not thief?
 We'll let you resign, Johnny" said his boss.
 Johnny would not resign. Because he was able to shake the conviction of the boss that he was guilty he was permitted to hold on. Promotion was barred, of course. He was treated by his associates precisely as such person should be treated Be soft and sappy as we may be in theory, the fact remains that punishment follows sin. But Johnny held on. Under-sized, timid, apt to tremble when shouted at, inapt in his own defense, he held on. And letter from home today tells me that he has been cleared. After two years of purgatory.
 Was he a coward? I think he was hero. Yet he would run from a very little dog.
 
 They talk about their Pilgrim blood
 Their hirthricht hinh and hnlY -.-.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

A Texas newspaper boasts that mo- body has ever travelled until he has seen Dallas. Having seen it, is he impatient to continue his schedule?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

If the choice were left to me, whether to have free press or a free government I would choose a free press.-Th0mas Jefferson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

President Coolidge declared that five have outlawed all industrial privilege" :" How about the Fordney-M Nc Cumber tar if?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

In view of General Buffers experience in Philadelphia, he is likely to infer that the people of that city prefer cleanup for appearances only.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

NEWS BUREAUs-washington 800 Davidson Building; State Capital Montgomery Journal Building; Tennessee Valley Decatur Daily Building; Tuscaloosa, News Building: Anniston, Star Building: Gadsden. Times Building; Muscle Shoals, Tri-Cities Daily Building
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Telephone (private branch exchange connect ing all departments) Main 4soo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

EXCLUSIVE MEMBER OF NORTH AMERI- CAN NEWSPAPER ALLIANCE IN ALABAMA
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

The Literary Digest is taking a straw vote for president. But the wind seems to be blowing in conflicting directions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
s, ADKINS,
Silver Linings.

Defeated Candidate: Well, it's over, and I've lost" t-.
 His Wife: Now that it's over, I can truly say l am glad For we can ride in our car and can wear my good clothes l have become so tired of living up to your campaign speeches of poverty and needing the money that don't know what to do. I do feel sorry for your opponents wife, though, I'll wear my new fur and new gown to church Sunday. She'll be envious, because, as the wife of the successful candidate, she must wear her old clothes"
 -NANON HEREIN.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Sn1arty.

A lady went into a store and said decisively "I want a neckpiece." Af
 "What fur?" asked the clerk. Fur my neck, of course," retorted tho lady. .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PREss-The As- sociated Press is exclusively entitled to for publication of all news dispatches credited to it., or not other wise credited in this paper and also local news published therein. All rights of re- publication of special dispatches reserved.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Passenger ton liner) "So that's the cap. tain. He's the man whose word is law while we're at sea, chg
 Deckhand: Not this voyage. His wife is making the trip with hi2.''
 Copyright. 1924. RsproductIon forbIddenl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Shallow men believe in luck. believe in circumstances. Strong men believe in cause and effect. EMERSON.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
< dIFLyAIABAMA.|

Promtse A Fine Showfng.-The community fairs over the county promise fine showing this fall. It is to be regretted that the com bined exhibits are not to be brought together in Florence as usual. The annual fair is a fine institution for getting the people together and should be continued.-Florence News. z
 There's A Reason.--Whars the matter with Russellville? Nigger once Said of his church, De church am all right, hits de doggone peo- ple." Any community that is not making the progress that it should, can always find the source of its troubles in the 'doggone people," And now listen, Bo, let's you and I not for get that we are one of lem, and, maybe, the 'doggondest" of the bunch. Let's get right.-- Franklin County Times.
 An Unpopular Sport.-A Houston county grand jury aims to make a high score in regard to making it decidedly unpopular and unprofitable to violate the prohibition laws. ! That body strongly recommends that injunc- tions be issued against owners of all places where it is proven that liquor is made or sold. We hope that policy will prevail in Houston, and spread rapidly to all, ceunties.-Opelika News. st
 Largo Part Of Stately no means is Madison county out of the state of Alabama. Just because she enjoys the good fortune of having a good next door neighbor like Ten- nessee is no reason why we are not a very large part and parcel of our own state. We are, and if for no other reason, the other sixty-six counties recognize the fact through our banner leadership in agricultural leader ship-Huntsvile Times.
 Good Health Work In AIabama-In rural health work especially, Alabama is making wonderful progress, it's percentage of coun- ties with organized health units placing this state second among the states of the Union. When state makes such progress in health work and has so thorough an organization among the counties, public health is secure, For when Southern state makes such a showing as Alabama now is making, it is 8 high tribute to the states health workers and to the spirit of cooperation given them by the people for whom and among whom they 'work-Anniston Star.
 Incident Teaches Two Lessons-Three Bir- mingham women drove to- Jasper last week to buy some fresh country vegetables. When leaving the store after making their purchases they saw Birmingham truck drive up and begin unloading vegetables which they drove forty miles to purchase, paying more than the Birmingham prices had been hauled to Jasper over the same forty miles of road from Br- mingham. There are two morals to this story. First. trade at home; second, raise enough produce in each community to supply local demands-Moulton Advertiser.
 Exhibition of Civic Duty
 The people of the Tri-Cities gave. no. k-II Il sAs
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Meg: "Is he an indulgent husband?" Peg: Yes, he indulges frequently"
 ELAINE c. BIGLER.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Brief Nature Studies
TN A twilight.haunted woodsy boz at Kenne-
By J. OTIS SWIFT

IN A twilight-haunted woodsy bog at kenne- bee Point Georgetown, Maine, reached by A walking a long distance through dense young spruce forests where the foot's fall is deadened by six inches of velvety-soft fallen needles and where the shade is so in- tense that the lower branches of the trees are, all dead, the little hummocks among the sphagnum moss-once the stumps of trees are covered with the lustrous dark evergreen leaves of goldthread, Coptis trifolia. The three lobes of the leaf, scalloped and finely serrate, were believed by colonial herb doc tors to stand for health, happiness and long life.
 Our grandmothers gathered large quanti. ties of the long golden-yellOw roots to dry and make into winter teas to cure canker of the mouth and give appetite to people suffering from spring laziness. It is found from Maine south to Maryland along mountain ranges and westward to Iowa.
 Among it's neighbors in boggy places in Georgetown are the bunchberry, checkerberry, pipewort, lady's slipper, club mosses, water horehound, corn mint and cranberry. t7
 -N% A drop of honey catches more flies than a hogshead of vinegar. z PROV. The old, old story, fair &nd young,
 And fond, and not too wise.
 70. w. HOLMES
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Has he really a mind of his own?" Yes, but it's in his wife's name"
 K. L. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

They talk about their Pilgrim blood, Their brthright high and holy s,o A mountain stream that ends in mud Methinks is Melancholy.
 - R IlOWEJJ,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

Suggestions For Those Who Swim. Don't go into the water after eating. Wait at least twenty-four hours.
 Don't keep on swimming until you are en- tirely exhausted. Sink to the bottom occa- sionally and remain there until you are en- tirely heated.
 Don't scream for the life-saver when you are drowning. Your sudden scream is likely to frighten him. Do not call for help. Ad- vertise in our want-ad columns.
 Don't get discouraged if you should be stricken with cramps. While it might be dangerous to get cramps in the water, we feel sure that you can get immediate relief by writing to our Medical Department. They will tell you what to do.
 Hurt His Pride.
 Critic: 'So you don't think much of the way your home town was written up in a. popular novel?'
 Main Strceter: "Shucks. There wasn't a word said about our horseshoe and checker champions !'
 ELIZABETH LOWRY
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26

tcOpyright. 1894 Reproduction forbidden)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Vote November 4; Vote As You Please;
 Ruf XnfA

Birmingham. Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-26
Hurt His Pride.
A Higher Judge.

ELIZABETH LOWRY