The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-01

ana 10 proVids heaVy penalty lot
railroads II rhs engineer or motor
man neglected 70 stop, look and lis
ten at every highway crossing along
the right Of way. Can't you see.
Augustus. what would happen to the
world II these fellows had their way?
why. the world would stand stilll II
would develop into one vast hmear OF
pusey.footing, like the authors Of
freak bills
II got quite a kick out Of the bill
introduced By lady member Of the
lower house. She wants tho size OF
bird cages regulated by law, and her
idea Of legal,sized bird cage r. one
slightly larger than a wardrobe
trunk. This bill, II passed, would alb
solutely outlaw canaries in apart
ment houses and Is being fought BY
the proprietors OF bird stores all
over the state. And then there's the
dog.muzzling law which was submit.
ted by man who had a hole torn in
his four dollar socks by a Pomeran-
ian and who recently was convicted
in the justice court for maintaining
pig Bty within the city limits.
The prize piece OF legislation,
however. Is wrapped up in bill that
calls for the appropriation Of a mil
lion dollars to Investigate the activ-
tiles OF all secret societies in the
state. Anybody who ever belonged
TO a Bo.called secret or fraternal So
clety knows that about 90 per cent
OF them flll the social needs Of a
certain class and that they are about
as innocuous as the deliberations Of a
lot Of old men summing themselves on
the porch Of the county poor house.
Think OF being taxed a million dol
lars Just 20 snake some wild-eyed
crazy Russian out Of a cellar where
he was telling half dozen other
nuts how our government ought TO
be run? Why. the first thing we
know. gentlemen, there'd be a raid
, ing squad up here TO bust the BiIge-
water club. because we're always tell
ing the world how our government
ought 10 be run, and most OF US
even go so far as to talk for publics-
| ton and admit that the way It's be,
ing run is a disgrace. However. until
we talk with our tonsils tangled,
grow whiskers. neglect the daily
bath and meet in a cellar"for lunch
con. think Wen be safe"
II heard there was bill before
the legislature 10 have the meadow
lark declared a game bird and out.
lining an open and closed season on
him"
Yes" Cappy replied. THAT bill
WAS submitted by a tone-deaf natur.
allied Italian who likes pies made
from Hedging English sparrows.
swallows and blackbirds. There Is
food for thought. however. in a bill
recently submitted to the New York
/ Legislature. 1t calls for an appropri-
alton OF a million dollars for mothers
OF the state. 10 be distributed thru
Mothers Welfare board. Looks to
me like a poor plan for speeding up
the birth rate Then there is the
bill TO appropriate two million dollars
for old age pensions. Looks TO me
as IL the single male hustlers Of our
country would soon have 10 support
everybody in II. The motto OF the
wastrel will be: Spend everything on
good time in your youth; the state
will care for you in your old age
This mad ogry OF law-making by
boob lawmakers reminds me OF Dan
McNutt. who had a positive genius
for getting himself elected TO the leg
stature and making money out OF
1t by putting in cinch bills against
public service corporations When
the corporation sent Dams wife GER
tain number Of new bank bills and
she had searched them with mag
nifying glass for identifying marks.
Dan would lose interest in his cinch
bill and refrain from screaming when
II was killed in committee.
with the passage of time the put.
ting in of cinch bills against public
service corporations became Dams
exclusive graft and was sacred TO
him until both houses OF the legisIa.
ture were inexpressibly shocked
when an assemblyman named Van
Dusen put in n raw cinch bill against
the railroad company. Dams fellow
legislators flew to him and in agi.
tated whispers informed him OF the
unusual and unwarranted intrusion
upon his peculiar prerogative. Who
is this man. Van Dusen. Dan?' one
OF them finally demanded, I'll tell
you, Dan replied. unruffled. Don't
get excited over that lad. He don't
amount to nawthin' Sure he's just
an ignorant Dutchman. He spells
graft wit one t.
End.
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