The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-07-01

they are hopping mad, and It seems to me that all that totals up a sufficient number of occasions and that they could skip just being joyous and happy. I should think they'd like change and would enjoy chorting and clapping their hands and singing when affairs go to please instead of to annoy them! ,. You can't convince me that crying isn't the. pleasantest and most popular occupation girl can have-at any rate 1t is the most oyer-worked one. Most anywhere you look around you it is possible to see some beauteOus creature dissolved in tears, snuffling her life away. And if you try the Samaritan act and pat her on the shoulder, mur- muring in deep, rich tones, My child, tell me your troubles,' she will turn her tear-drenched eyes upon you and stam- mer that she's cr-cr-crying because she's so h-h-happy!
 "All men ponder hours and hours on this phenomenon to which they cannot find the slightest key. There isn't any logic which explains it satisfactorily. After thinking hard on the subject for some time almost any, man will kick the family eat and gFowl.
 Tt is a frightful mistake to annoy men after this fashion because men in- stinctively lean toward women who make them feel eontented and wonder full and mighty, and a man is far from feeling mighty when he is up against simple little problem which he cannot solve. He wants to be able to explain things Offhand so that the girls will eli oh Sa1 kA ss f,.l the way he understands them!
 "It is the greatest possible shock to a newly married man to have his fair young wife cast herself upon his chest in a whirlwind of tears when he has just presented her with diamond tiara or a costly car. Thinking to make her superlatively happy, he apparently has picked a lemon. When he aggrievedly remonstrates she shutters that the weeps are because she is so h-h-happy! His astonishment overcoming him, he prob ably swears, after which the war is on and all the divorce lawyers within gun shot begin to prick up their ears and get ready for business!
 ''The funny thing is that when a wo- man actually does have something to cry about nobody ever sees her. Her husband or father or brother is never there and so it does absolutely no good, besides making her eyes red. She chooses her occasion so poorly!
 Another thing feel it my duty to point out to you is that about one man only in several billion is worthy of be- ing cried over. Most of them are just ordinary dubs and it is a great shock and surprise to their fiances after they have married them and picked up a few hundred times the ties and shirts and socks and newspapers, cigar butts, pen cils, clippings and such like with which every man strews his path.
 "This one thing alone does more to yank a. man off his pedestal in the eyes of the girl than anything else, I verify believe. The wife realizes that she has a whole lifetime of it before her and she never is the same again. She might be justified in crying over this, but she doesn't. She usually goes downtown and charges something. And the one man worth crying over never does do anything to make her cry, so I suppose when you come right down to it that is the reason she has to cry when he does something. to make her happy.
 "Only in that case every man engaged or married to a girl would be the one man in several billion and as he can't be it makes my figures ak wrong-and figures never lie. Whatever it is l am trying to prove about the subject I feel that I have accomplished my pur- pose and you should be a wiser girl from now on. take it you consider Lemont worthy of your tears?''
 "The very idea p sniffed his sister, drying her eyes indignantly. f'If yod were one-thousandth as wonderful and clever and considerate as Lemont you migkt be thankful. He is absolutely different from any other man l ever met"
 "Oh, go ahead and cry" said the in- terested brother, beginning to walk away. Tn that case I wouldn't dream of interfering with your good time"
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