The Wolf Point herald., 1924-05-01

(A
manager. who spoke not word but
offered a deposition in the form OF
a weather forecast for Cleveland in
June Coolidge day, fair and calm. .
"Frank the First" was Frank H.
Hitchcock, Hiram Johnson's man.
ager. who was unable to produce
his candidate because the latter
''missed his train"
Convinced that the democratic
ticket today reads like John Doe
warrant" the inquisitor-general sub
poenaed "The most famous John
Doe in history-the man in the iron
mask" who said;
"Some men think l am Samuel M.
Ralston and serenade me with The
Moon Shines Bright Along the Wa
BASH: | have been addressed as
John w. Davis and asked to trade
fat retainers for the nomination.
Some call me McAdoo and ask
whether I am from New York or
California. have been toasted as
James M. Cook and assured that
seven million arn't som any after
all. I have been feted as Oscar W.
Underwood, while the band played
Dixie as some others said Hello,
Ap and sang The Sidewalks of New
York. Some believe my name Is
Houston and dub me the leading
residuary legatee 1 as identified also
as COPELAND, the medicine man OF
the Tammany tribe. Colonel Harvey
thinks l am Senator Joe ROBINSON
of Arkansas. They once called me
Reed before Jim tried to show EN-
in Missouri. Some even think I'm a
college president-I've forgotten ms
name. I have only one consolation.
Nobody has suggested that l am
Bryan"
The inquistion was dissolved when
Banouo's Ghost entered as the third
party movement.
Failing to solve the problems of
the campaign by the methods of the
the club borrowed the
tuneful strains of Gilbert and Sui
livan's "Mikado" but even the mus
ical convention could find none but
a dark horse.
The convention adjourned to the
air of "For He's Going to Marry
Yum YUM" converted into patrio-
tic number.
The President Speaks
President Coolidge, Sir Esme How
ard. the new ambassador of Great
Britain to the United States, and
John w. Davis were the speakers
at the dinner. Under the Gridiron |
rule that reporters never are
present" their remarks were not
published. When Representative
Clifton A. Woodrum, of Virginia,
known to his colleagues as the
Congressman" because
he "sang his way into congress"
was called on to speak he burst into
a song full of significance to seek
ers after public office.
The satire of the dinner ran the
gamut of the "Bobbed-hair Bandit"
10 "Hamlet in 1924" the colored
delegate to the republican conven-
tion, soviet recognition, the "mur-
der' of the world court, Hiram
Johnson, Secretary Mellon, the re-
cent cabinet changes, and miss
Democracy on Broadway"
The Gridiron players dramatized
the third party idea in the form of
a 1924 version of Hamlet. Assist
NO the "Melancholy Dane" of pres
mt day politics were two grave
liggers-a Non-Partisan league and
Farmer-Labor partyite-who were
preparing graves for the coffin of
he "grand old party and "Miss
Democracy" visible in the shadows
# the stage. After one grave digger
lad abiured the other to "get thee
.one to the bootlegger and fetch
ne a stoup of likker, but be care
ul or you may be shot for a SEN
tor" he turned up a skull, which
,roved to be that of the "Poor Old
Bull Moose" and gave Hamlet an
opportunity to soliloquize approprl-
tely.
The bobbed-hair bandit caused a
urore. Before Brigadier General
,medley D. Butler, director of pub
ic safety in Philadelphia, could 8
make an arrest, announcement was ]
made that the bobbed-hair bandit
lad departed with an apology:
"She had been pursuing Frank A.
7anderlip for some time, to get him /
o give her a job, and she thought
he saw him coming in here" it
vas explained.