Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-04-12
JOE BEVO
(His Essays)
- n yxrv-1
EATING

SA @SSS
Eatin rs de mos pleasan' sport
in de lam, an evrybuddy henjoy it
but de dispeptick. An even heem,
he's alters willin' try agin.
All ambushus person have de
ti'clar peopul MAX Nv 1t wan
howlin success. Nobuddy is ever
guilty NV swore-in off de habit on
less de doctair treten heem wit
instan' de't. Den he will took
chanse an nibble here an gobble
dere tell he came ter de seclushun
dat de doctair wuz rite.
Yass. it is man size Job to
sep'rate de human bean frum hees
talk way hees drivers license,
steal hees repatashun, robb heem
NV hees 'onor. an 'trow heem in de
mud puddle, but he will struggle
ter hees foot. shook de muck frum
hees pantaloon an crowl to de table
wen de dinner horn loot.
Dey say you can't hof good
man down. But he kin be kip
down fer quite vile at de BAN
kip slidin' ter de home plate, An
furthermore, he don't need be tie
ter de chair wit a napkin. Kip
heem supply wit perishabul pro-
duck an he will felt 1t hees dooty
ter stuck ter de ship tell she go
down. If he survive de ordeal. fer
wan han our he will be sorry an
weesh he he'd sink wit dc wreck.
But wen de pain at las retreet
an Is reddy repete de heroicks.
Some ottority elaine We kin git
long wit'out grub. I dunno. 1t
look flshey ter me. Mebby it's
possibul put de soft pedul on
wen yor goin' strong. but mos
person favor de heavy selectk-
shuns an If dey have ter use dc
muffier it mus be rost beef or
pork chop.
Perfeshanal eaters often travil
many mile ter stun de insides NV
nevsir miss stroke at de- table.
De seex-coarse lonch is nodding
In hees yong life. He has travil
far ter de film stashun an hees
tank ia empty. So he will fill up
willie de fillin' is good.
Shore! Now watch de exibi-
shun. De magishun NV de dinner
de delite NV dc audiyunce. Sec!
Look! Lissen! lie is repetin' de
disappeerin' ack. Turkey In de
straw, stuffed dogfish, strung
beens, grated artichoke, starch
balls wit cIinder oil gravy. crib
bage salad, ten-yeer-or cheese an
red, red f!annel.lined olives. II he
mex roun', he will spar wit layer
wit a lemon pie. an took de
count on chocklit ice GREEN. But
he is full NV hossreddish an K. n.
pepper an 'supper-tam spunk. so
de mex exibishun promise more
fer de money.
Eatin is crate game, but de
rules is tcrribul hard ter foller.
Too much monkey beezness wit do
tools. Wen de waiter lay out
you gon did bout It? Ev'ry wan
Is diffrunt an fit some speshul
style ub grub an II you pick de
grong won fer de rite job, or de
rite wan fer de wrong job. de
woman at yor allow will giggle in
her hankerchif or smoker in her
Grape de sheen IL she wore wan;
Som desprit. rascal grab dc
handicst tool in de kit an use it
LAX steem shovel. Dey do dueeck
work but lack de artistick touch.
Also dey miss good many anvita-
shun to lonch.
Speed is alrite on de boolivard.
At de table Il amt how fas' you
go-but how well you steer. Kip
on yor side dc odder feller's outfit,
don't hog de peeckles, an respeck
de law NV Etikett.
II you want ter prove de waiter
yDr q gellimun an well brung up.
left a leettle loose change beside
yor empties, an borrer seegar
frum yor nabor ter offset de ex-
pense.
But II you want ter henjoy
eatin' wit al yor hart, do 1t yor-
self--at home-wit' de oil woman.
Shore, eat yor beens wit ladle,
pan. But kip 1t quiet.
Per Romeo Horace Dyer.