The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-08-21
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
REFUSED WITH THANKS

if they will provide satisfactory
homes for them-News Item.l
The U. s. A. is rich, they say, /
And maybe that is why
They give free buffaIoes away !
] To such as you and /. 1
Perhaps | err, but l prefer
To have the cash instead; |
For buffaloes cost so much per
To be well housed and fed.
And anyway, the U. S. A.
Still owes to me by chance,
Three hundreds bucks of army pay
! | failed to get in France.
+, And as I've got no barn and lot
To house a buffalo,
| rise to tell them on the spot
I'D RATHER HAVE THE
DOUGH!
Anyone desiring nice little pet
for the home will apply to the
Secretary of the Department of the
Interior, and they will receive a
100 per cent. American buffalo by
return mail-parcel post prepaid.
+***+*
The u. S. A. is always generous
with other nations, but whenever
anything is offered free to the citi-
zens of this country you may be
sure there is joker in it some-
where.
Those solid ivory senators in
Washington are always voting mil
lions to the starving CD Russians
and the downtrodden CD, Germans,
but all the Government ever offers
free to an American citizen is a
NANCY buffalo.
"SHUCK OFF THEM PANTS,
Livingston Parish, La. has just
passed a law prohibiting women
and girls from wearing Knockers
or any kind of trousers. And it's
no joke, either. Recently two women
motorists from Mississippi were ar
rested as they passed thru and fined
SIS. each for wearing knickers.
**sss&
We imagine that hanging would be
about. the lightest penalty they would
inflict on them if they wore one
piece swimming suits.
s***%s
And what about Transparent
dresses?
IT'S ALL IN THE POINT OF
VIEWl
French authorities at Versailles
France recently raised furore when
nude actresses were found posing
before movie cameras in the Palace
Gardens.
Because they were nude?
Oh no! Because they Suspected
that the play being filmed was back
ed by German concern, and that
it would be shown in an effort to
cast reflections on the French.
But it was found that the two
leading ladies of the cast were
Paris favorites who strutted their
stuff nightly on stage in that
wicked city, clad only in a feathered
head dress. (And that Americans
proved to be the most enthusiastic
attendants at that theatre.)
So everything is now quiet again.
s*s**s
!. But IN New York the other day
man was arrested for taking a
sun bath on his roof, clad only in his
birthday suit.
THAT is what you would call a
figure of speech" said the English
professor as he pointed out a scant-
lily clad bathing beauty on the
beach.
"Forty-fve per cent of the inhabi-
tants of Spain above the age of five
years are unable to read or write"
says bulletin from the Bureau of
Education.
Is that why they are such good
"bull fighters 2"
THE EVOLUTION OF PEEPING
TOM.
Howard r. Bothers was arrested
in Trenton the other day for posing
as beauty expert" He had been
going around making personal
measurements" of girls who had en-
tered the "Miss Trenton" beauty
contest.
But Judging by the pictures of
these girls appearing in the paper,
we must confess that the job. doesn't
make the slightest appeal to us.
+e&sAs
There's no accounting for tastes!
ssssss
Bill Bryan's brother doesn't be-
lieve in National Defense Day. We
wonder if he puts up screens on his
house to keep out the flies and
mosquitoes!
&AkSAH
If the conservative business man
votes the Democratic ticket because