davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
Watching The Parade
NTY WIFE says that the story of Major
 M Carbys life is full of pathos. No doubt
By JOHN PILGRIM

MY WIFE says that the story of Major M Carbys life is full of pathos. No doubt IVA I am cynical and hard-boiled, but l cannot see it that way. I'm ashamed to say it, but it seems rather funny to me. l can not waste tears over the troubles of a man who quits.
 But he was such a fine old man," says she.
 He quit like dog" is my reply.
 When Major Carby was fifty years old he woke up one morning with pain. He was then fine, ripsnorting, red-faced- man, who liked his whisky and cards and habitually stayed up too late at night. After that pain had become part of life with him he went to a doctor. The physician told him that he was doomed. .
 You have only a few months to live, " said he Although if you get out into the country and exercise great care you life may be prolonged
 That was thirty years ago. Major Carby said goodbye to his friends at formal dinner. in which a good deal of excellent liquor was poured and many tears were shed. Then he retired to a place he had in the edge of the hills, where the fishing was good in season and where a handy man with gun could always keep meat in the lean-to. There he lived with colored man-servant and pack of dogs.
 And for precisely twenty-nine years he was the halest heartiest, most contankerous old buck extant He outlived all of his gen eration. The doctor who sentenced him has been dead for twenty years. The trouble with the Major was that he did not have nerve enough to admit that pure air and water had cured him. Having said goodbye to the world, he saved his healthy face by continuing the fiction of invalidism. He died the other day at the age of eighty-havng wasted thirty years.
 Why should I cry about it?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
When Sleeper Wakes
'OST of our life we are asleep, not only
 when we are unconscious in our beds,
By DR. FRANK CRANE


 but also when we are walking about.
 Platos idea was that the best of what we think in this life consists in few things. we remember from previous existence; and Wordsworth said that "our birth is but a sleep and forgetting"
 Sometimes there comes to us a sharp con- sciousness of the unreality of our existence. The sense of it's dream stuff invades us. We and all men and women seem somnambulists.
 Only in our dreams we have the feeling of being awake. As DeMusset: "Ah! If the revery were possible forever, And if the sleep-walker groping with held-out
 hands
 Did not find Nature hard, always inflexible, Striking his forehead, cruel as a pillar of
 brass!"
 The daily round captures us. We become benumbed by the humdrum. We can do noth- ing without system, and system dulls us. So we sink into a kind of dim dream life, in which we rise, eat go to business, to amuse- mcnt, to bed.
 This outward routine stains our inward thought. We feel as if we were little spirit ual tooth in the immense cog-wheel of the universe. Life loses it's wonder. We are surprised at nothing, as in dreams.
 Then come those things destiny has set for our widening; sharp spines of pain. thunder crashes of tragedy, lightning darts of disaster; or perhaps the comic, for some times a smile or gibe can "stab us wide awake" better than the surgical blade of sor- row.
 Sometimes the alarm clock of the soul is but a mood, moment of mental splendor" natural cloudlifting of the spirit. This spirit. This spirit illumination we can once and again trace to a physical cause, to the stomach or liver or the sex feeling, by that strange wiring together of body and soul. Another time it will be due apparently to friend, an event, or some other exteriorty. Or it may occur for no discernjble cause.
 But however the waking may take place, it is an hour when, to use the language of John Masefield, "we have suggestions of some- thing bigger than ourselves suggestions of reality, beauty and order, apprehensions of something stable, behind the flowing and ebb- ing life, and apprehensions of something Gi- vine some quality of mind or soul outside us, more real than we."
 The woman in society has one of these moments, a Shattering vision of what her life might mean if it were real The woman over her washtub stops, looks up-a thought has whipped her tired mind awake; it is but a passing glimpse, and life descends again into the suds. The business man leaves the papers on his desk and looks far away; his seul rises a moment into what life might be, as t flying fish leaps a gleaming flash into the air
 | Death is the supreme awakener. Then the usual and crowd ng affPIrs of existence, that seemed so wsighty, dissolve into their true n0thingness. and the great realities rise like moons upon the soul.
 | The dream is over. When the body goes to its last bed the soul gets up.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
The Right Word
By W. CURTIS NICHOLSON
COLLECTIVE NOUNS (Find the Error in This Article

The following words are commonly called collective nouns; group; committee; audi ence; jury; crowd; class. They are singular in form Their plurals are groups, commit tees, audiences, juries, crowds, classes.
 The singular forms of these words may ot course be followed by singular verbs But strange as it may seem to John Hilary and some others, these same singular forms may be followed also by plural verbs under certain conditions. The whole group is therefore either singular or plural. For example, when the noun committee IS thought of as a collection of individuals act ing independently, a plural verb should be used as The committee were involved In a hopeless discussion. It takes more than one to carry on a discussion. On the other hand, the following would be correct The committee has made it's report. The committee made this report as unit.
 Some Authorities.
 "The senior class are unable to agree on a president. Kittredge and Farley.
 "Collective nouns may take either singular or plural verbs, according to the momentary point of view of the speaker. +. N. Roo' inSon, Harvard University.
 If you are thinking of the individual members of a committee, then the yero that is used should be plural" E. B, hlcnards Specialist in English, the University or the State of New York (The State Department of Education-Regents Departmentl-
 "I.et me say that the American delegation were united in the desire to secure results. Senator Henry Cabot Lodge, Tn the Uhtec States Senate, March s, 1922.
 Yesterdays Error.
 WrOng:. Both of the sentences are correct
 Right: Both sentences are correct
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

December for Christmas spending. And vet within a short time the people will have recovered from the holiday spend ing orgy, and will soon have replaced all the money thus spent and more.
 It is evident that the people of this community are preparing to have pig Christmas. There is every indication, even at the present time, that there is more money available for Christmas buy ing than there has ever been, and the merchants are already feeling the effects. In few days large dividends will be turned loose by public service corpora tions, banks, building and loan associa- tions, industrial and commercial enter prfses, and the direct effects will be materially reflected in the holiday trade. The Christmas spending is in sense a barometer of industrial conditions and an index of the future outlook. That IS one reason 1t is so large this year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
B. Dudley's Rhymes
THE CHESTNUT


 The chestnut is with us. I'm glad it is here. For me it is always bearer of cheer. like it when roasted; like it when raw. The way I eat chestnuts would fill you with awe. l make the shells fly when really begin, while over my face spread a satisfied grin. And yet, in real anger fume and squirm on biting chestnut containing worm.
 get quite a handful of nuts for dime and then I go after them, one at time. The first may be good, but the secondary land may yield me a worm of the little white brand that works on my temper and makes me revile the swarthy Italian who with his broad smile, assured me the chest nuts were fresh from the tree. l want to chastise him for flim-flamming me.
 When l am elected as President, say-I1l visit the Senate and House some fine day and see that a very strict law is> put through regarding bad chestnuts. That's just what I'll do. I'll make it crime to sell chestnuts with worms and men who're convicted will serve prison terms, or maybe they'll hang or be sent to the chair. Beware, chestnut vendors! I've warned you-beware!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
Brief Nature Studies
By J. OTIS SWIFT

NN THE south side of a great glacial O boulder poised on top of mountain
 in the Highlands walking club eating lunch discovered ladybugs hibernating under thick, dry masses of rock tripe. The mixers campfire had reused one of the diminutive hemisphercal red-backed, double black spotted creatures, who poked its head out. The leader of the hike gave orders that the ladybirds, as they are also called, be not dis turbed.
 Ladybugs, bright colored beetles, family Coccinellidae of tropical and temperate re gions, are mostly predacious in larval and adult stages, eating aphids, small insects and insect eggs. Novins cardinalis, the Australian ladybird, taken to California, holds down the cottony cushion scale of orange and other fruit trees.
 Over a million and a half ladybugs were conscripted by Washington horticulturists to fight aphds plant lice in orchards near Walla Walla. The bugs were found hibernat- ing in pine needles from an inch to six inches in the ground. Aphids domesticated by ants, suck juices from plants and carry disease from unhealthy to healthy plants.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
As Others See Us.

Under the heading, "The Cult of the Yell" a writer ill the Manchester Guardian com ments upon the characteristics of American and especially western universities. He says he noticed ga certain docility of the under graduate mnd.' In connection with this thought the word "suggestibility" occurred to his mind. American undergraduates seem to expect and to demand that their enthu- siasms shall be drilled in way that wouN produce i'll us an ennui only to be relieved by ribaldry. They are extraordinarily amen able to organization of the emotions, he writes. After describing football game with its organized enthusiasm and pep, the Eng lishman concludes with the words: "Try to imagine an Oxford or Cambridge bump-supper before the races and with a director of pro- paganda substituted for champagne" To us it is hard to imagine the reverse. ] In the middle west there is a generation growing up that knows very little about the bliss of champagne Though the English writer treats the matter in a rather comical vein, he has but discovered a certain phase of American life, which is entirely astonishing to the foreigner. There is a great deal of mass opinion in this country, a great deal of doing things in teams, a great deal of standardization, even in the realms of thought. Ludwig Ludwigsohn says the American is extremely careless where his ideas come from, but once accepted he submits to the opinion of the majority, though he feels in his heart that the majority is wrong This situation is the outcome of the war, it's origin and causes lie in the war time hysteria, suspicion of foreigners and foreign ideas and has given rise to the forma- tion of organiza tions patriotic and nationalist in character, which do not tolerate any opin- ion but that of the majority.
 (copyrlCht. 1924 Reproduction Forbiddsn)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
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A Queen.


 WHEN Gabriel Faure, the great master w lay dying recently at Brussels Eliza beth, queen of the Belgians, gathered four famous soloists of the Brussels opera and went to the little apartment. There in an anti-chamber the queen, who is an excellent violin player, produced her instrument and, accompanied by the four singers, played the famous Faure quintet, the masters favorite and greatest composition. Faure, reused by the first strains, lay with hands outstretched while the heavenly tones floated in the air When it was finished he whispered: "To be carried to heaven on divine wings of music, ah, it is beautiful" The qucen of the Bel gians is a woman with a great soul. Many a simple Flemish peasant boy died in her arms, far away from his own mother, blessing her name in last farewell. It is not without reason that Albert and Elizabeth are called king and queen of the Belgians instead of king and queen of Belgium.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
A Warning.

England intends no aggression but wants it understood that she means what she says" :" are the significant and warning words of Austen Chamberlain MT. Baldwin's foreign secretary. Mr. Chamberlain has been in Paris to talk with Premier Herriot. Though the nature of the secret conversations are un- known, it is understood that the two men talked about the aggressive propaganda cam paign of the soyiets carried on in European and Asiatic countries. That the Engishman was able to convince the Frenchman of the immediate danger to the French republic be- came evident few days after the conferences, when Herriot began his ruthless" drive against the communists. France needs have no illusions on the subject of communist ris- ings The establishment of the commune of Paris in 1871 is matter which many French men living today can recall with horror and trembling It was by study of the failures of that sanguinary affair that the Russian bolsheviks were able to maintain power in the face of all opposition. MT. Chamber lain's words were especially directed against the militant soviet activities in the British colonies In the borderlands of India Eng land and Russia have faced each other for many years in watchful vigilance. But the armies of the cZar were never as dangerous as the communist agitators, who seek to in- flame the countless millions of Asia in gen. eral uprising against the white mans dom- ination. England means what she says" They don't laugh about these words in the Kremlin.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
MRS. OWEN REELECTED

Often those who serve best are the least apt to have their record held up to public appreciation. Those whose duties are all-absorbing have neither time nor perhaps desire for publicity. There is, however, in such cases public obliga- tion to evidence due appreciation for serv- ices conscientiously and ably rendered. Such obligation is without any doubt the due of Mrs. Thomas M. Owen, director of the State Department of Archives and History. Of her the Mobile Register says:
 The reelection of Mrs. Thomas NJ. Owen to the position of director of the State Department of Archives and His tory is recognition of service excellently performed Mrs. Owen was chosen to succeed her talented husband, Dr. Owen, who originated and was the first director of the department, and she has shown the highest intelligence and industry in carry ing forward the work he began and de- veloped up to the time of his death Mrs. Owen, the daughter of the late Senator Bankhead, inherited the fine qualities that distinguished her father. and has proved her capacity to take care of large
 affairs in large and progressive manner.
 Alabama has reason to be grateful to this talented woman for her care for this valuable state function, which might well be neglected in less capable or devoted hands.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
CONGRATULATEs THE AGE-HERALD

We congratulate The Birmingham Age Herald on the rapid growth it has enjoyed during the past two years of new management. This great morning paper is fast coming to be one of the great papers in the newspaper world. Birmingham should be proud of what this paper is doing for that city and for the South-AIoundville News.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
It Stands To Reason.

It Stands To Reason. An old man 80 odd years young tried to make THE FUN SHOP. His work, however, was all sent back to him branded "amateurish." "Glory, glory, my youth is restored!" he shouted.
 Samuel Lewis Hill. Copyright 1924. Reproduction FOrbiddsn)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

A hundred and twenty extra employees are required to handle the Birmingham mails this Christmas. Uncle Sam takes no chances on reindeer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

Those fishermen who are reported to be making lots of money on the North eastern coast are encouraged by their net profits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

The economic crisis in Vienna is blamed for the lack of luxuries. The experts might go further and try to fix the blame for the economic crisis.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

Some more of the New England textile mills have reduced both wages and oper- ating schedules. Apparently competition from Southern textile industries is be- ing felt,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

An economist again mourns that deb is the curse of the country. Still, deb means credit, if it is an honorable one
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

Wild ducks are going South in large numbers. There is no quackery about their knowledge of climatic conditions
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
Old Stuff.

First Motorist: "Stop me if you've heard this one Why does chicken always cross the road?'
 Second Motorist: "I had an argument with a farmer yesterday about one that didpt.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

A PiOus Wish. I wish I were a robber, A second-story jobber, I'd steal diamond fob or A string of pearls or two; I'd like to be a yegg-man, A bandit or bootleg man So I could pay the egg-man The money that is due!
 -George s. Chappell.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

They are now Investigating the dying of Alfalfa. There seems to be no rest for the coroner these days.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
FULLY EXPLAINED

The principal reason why there are so many fools in office is that there are so many out of office.-Columbia Record.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
A FINE EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW

Wonder if Senator LaFoIlette hasn't read how d'Annunzio retired to forget the !- Cleveland Times Commercial
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
A CASE IN POINT

Common sense' is a good thing if it doesn't get too common. Look how we have suffered from best minds Wilmington Every Evening.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
He Couldn't See Where It Hurt His To,

Willie: Gee, mother, whenever l get mud on my face you make me go and wash it; and you often plaster it all over yours"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

If the choice were left to me. whether 10 have . frse press a free government. would choose . free press.-Thomas Jefferson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18

One thing the Bible fails to tell us Is whether Delilah had had her own hair bobbed, but she certainly acted like it.-ohio State Journal --.--.--.----------- .--a----------
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
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Fatal Ending.
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Fatal Ending. Sam: Hear bout Bill? He died ob mus tahd gas pizoning." .. Joe: Nav. How did de accident happen" Sam: "Carelessness He done put too much mustahd in a hot hamburgah! !"
 Gertrude Marie Heller.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
A NEW TYPE OF TURBINE ENGINE
 RY Dr Walter E. TranrOCk.

Reading the accounts of the so-called "new" invention which halls from Germany, the sail less ship, I would be indignant if their pre- sumption were not so amusing. The entire idea of wind-driven turbines was gone into thoroughly by me several years ago and abandoned because of a number of defects, primarily because there are many times as mariners know, when there is no wind what ever.
 I am glad to be able to announce at this time that our government has sealed plans and specifications of the Traprock Sea Water Turbine which will furnish at any and all times unlimited motive power for its argosies whenever they wish to cross the ocean. It is obvious that there will always be plenty of sea-water at sea. My Turbines wasted not drop of it. It is all returned to it's original source and may be used over and over, as is the case with an upto-date swimming pool Of course, it would be unwise to go into details but the basic idea is simple. Water has a definite weight and weight as we know, is power It is the old principal of the clock weight applied on a sea-going scale. The masts are hollow, an idea which the Germans have stolen, but instead of foolishly trying to fill them with wind, mine are filled with water. The weight of the water drives the ship. Could anything be simpler? | Let me quote just one sentence from let ter from the State Department: "Your new Turbine is destined to revolutioniZe naviga tion The Department authorizes me to say that it experiences sense of perfect security in knowing that so great an expert as yourself has this subject of water on the brain.' Repartee
 Grocer: How were those eggs, Mrs Brown?"
 Mrs; Brown; "Not half as fresh as your clerks"
 Allen Bamberger.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
THE AGE-HERALD

Entered at Birmingham. Ala. post office as sec
 snd-eiass matter. act of Congress-. March (. 1873.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
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Quality Production of Xmas Greetings.

Quality Production of Xmas Greetings. The Western Union Telegraph company an nounces a special rate for holiday greetings to relatives or friends in Great Britain and Ire land. and submits twelve forms.
 That's the idea! Make holiday greetings easy to send! Why should a person put in five or ten minutes of hard work figuring out an appropriate message to the dear old mother father, aunt or cousin back home when he or she can step into a telegraph office and get a ready-made message?
 Two loud huzzas for the canned Christmas greeting! A ringing banzai for the quantity production of Yuletide sentiments!
 Would you like to send a message to some body very dear to you without wasting more than three minutes on the old goof? Very well. Step into the nearest telegraph office, pound on the counter and demand sternly: What have you got in Christmas and New Year greetings?"
 Do you wish something hot or cold, sir! the clerk will answer.
 Il don't care as long as it' ready to serve T can show you something very chic in a line of short and snappy greetings or-kindly step this way-something very smart in the way of the lyrical and sentimental. l have some samples that just came in today. If it's a lady you intend to remember these'll just knock her fog-eyedw
 T think I'd prefer something in a medium weight; you know, not too light and not too heavy.'
 "The kind of Christmas greeting she can wear the year around?"
 Exactly"
 Etc, etc., etc.
 Tod,,,s SaupJa Chriefynas CahIegrayns
 Ireland, Wales, Nova Scotia and the Ma ly recommended for these countries. We have been using them for 20 years and have never had dissatisfied customer.)
 1. Must have $75 at once or what have you?
 2. Arrived all safe. Jennie is with me. 8. Aunt Emma is coming for the holidays. Not my fault.
 4. Meet me on the 5 :27.
 5. Think insurance policies have expired Please attend at once.
 6. Have the blue suit pressed. Home Tuesday.
 z. Cancel order for buttonhooks. Over stocked.
 Love.
 g.. Have seen MT. X. Tell J. B. it is all off with R.
 10. Many happy returns of the day.
 (China, Rhode Island, Chile Egypt and the French devastated area. The following forms are always good and convey delicately and sweetly the sentiments so deftly con veyed, for instance, in Dickens Christmas carols and the Montgomery Ward catalogues.) 1. Baby boy at today. All well.
 2 Can't make it tonight. Sorry. Letter follows
 B. Detained over night at Bridgeport. Eds car hit ice wagon.
 f. Will be at City Hall with license l :15. Bring money for our railroad fare.
 g. $60 case is best 1 can do.
 G. Don't worry. Everything all right. Will keep you advised.
 z. See my lawyer
 &. Don't forget about liver for the cat. 9. Look on the top shelf behind the per colator
 TO- Verify order to our MT. Goldblatt. Usual discount
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-18
THOUGHT OF EVERY CITY

Gazing at downtown crossing traffic, one wonders what half dozen years will bring. Portland Oregonian.