The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-05-17
-hN,sRONc |s1 ONE R
Dsag bod Msry CalI on King of penmari

Dsng and Mary Call on King of Denmark
 Dduglas Fairbanksl and hfsry Pirkfcrd were refused an audience by the King of DcA- mark because he never heard of them m---News item.
 Doug: Now that we're here we might as we'll see the king. Mary Can we spare the time? Dougs Well, we gotta hurry, but wouldn' t want to leave Denmark without fayoring His Majesty with visit. These kings are very touchy. Ef the king heard we were in town and hadn't even stopped to say hello he would be sterribiF peeved. l made a king | wait for me coupla years ago and he raised frightful l'ew. Mary: What did he do? Doug: RAca1led the ambassador to the United States and demanded an apology from Secretary Hua hes. (Doug calls through the palace gate. The outer guard approacbesb Outer Guard: Not so much noise. What do you wish?
 Doug: We wkh to see His Majesty. Outer Guard swho has never seen pic ture of the pair, in his life): No strangers admitted. sir.
 Doug: vsriet! Unlock the gs4e and step aside
 Mary: Smile for him. Doug. He doesn't recognize you.
 Doug (smiling tvosdly) Got me now, Steve?
 Outer Guard (yavrning), Go away, the both of you before you, get into trouble.
 Doug: Just a minute, Mary, while I show this Danish ticket taken where he gets off.
 (Douglas removes his coat and jumps 22 feet over the palace gates, landing on the guards shoulders and feliing him to the ground Thirty-three other guards, garden CTS. porters. soldiers, etcy. rush to the spot. Douglas Iicks them all single-hsnded, chas- ing the last two up and down several trees. He then takes the key out of the outer guards pocket and unlocks the gatRl.
 Doug Come on in, Mary. The king awaits us. B'9
 Mary: You shouldn't have, put np good fight like that with no camera around.
 Doug Gas they walk up the twomile path to the palace) Nice place the King of Den mark has, Almost as good as ours
 Mary: don't think much of 1t. These kings don't seem to have much taste in laying out their grounds.
 (They reach the palace. Douglas bangs on the door with his walking stickl.
 Voice from upper window : Who's there?
 Doug (smiling) Hello, king! Howza boy?
 Voice I'm not the king. I'm the chamber. lain.
 portant?
 Doug: Certainly not. I've used hundreds of 'em in America for supers. x Chamberlain: What do you two, want, any, way?
 Doug: Come on down, chamhey, and make itAsnappy!
 Niary Gas chamberlain slams window): He seems an impertinent old fish.
 Doug: He doesn't know the king expects us. Wait'll he hears who we are and see him fall flat on his face.
 Chamberlain Cat door): Whats all the row about, anyhow?
 Doug: Listen, chammie, we wish to see the king toot sweet But we've only a few minutes to spare Gotta lot of other kings to see today. So step lively. You recognize us, don't you. Gle smiIes). eas4
 Chamberlain (peering at him); Oh. yes, now do But we don't want any ice today. Mary (horrified) He takes you for the ice man!
 Doug (indignantly) Listen, old thing! You trot up to your king and tell him Mary Pickford and Doug Fairbanks are call ing. Quick! @
 Scene II
 (The kings suite. The king is playing rummy with the queenl. &g
 Chamberlain: Your Majesties, two strange persons are without They insist you wish to see them.
 King: Who are they?
 Chamberlain Mary flcAioIu anu OOuSias Fairbanks.
 King Mary whoford and Douglas What Chamberlain: Not whoford and What banks, Your Majesty; Pickfrd and Fair banks.
 Queen Pickbanks and FairfOrd? Pickbanks and Fairford?
 King (puzzled): Dougpick and Marlas? Dougpick and Marlas? I don't recall the names! %7
 Queen What did you say the names were again?
 Chamberlain: Mary Douglas and Fairford Pickbanks Your Majesties. te
 King: What are they selling? 46
 Queen :: Tell them we wish no bananas to- day. King: It seems to me I've heard of fel- low named Picklas. think he's the delica- tessen dealer or something. t men and melodies.
 King: Chamberlain. give the two imperti- nent persons the gate!
 ~ Scene III
 (The palace door again. Douglas is carving his initials in a marble pillar)
 Chamberlain: Go away at once The king and queen will not see you.
 Mary The nerve of some people!
 Douglas Did you tell him who we were Chamberlain: I did He never heard of either of you.
 (Douglas and Mary collapse utterly for the first time in their lives)
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