The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-05-15
hhaaOfNC F. OVER.
Senator Dunn Rises to Oppose the Ferd
 E@aar If MhsrRs Shoals

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 Kaass of Muscle Shonls
 Senator Dunn NE Chairman. I rise against the acceptance of the Ford offer for Muscle Shoals. Representative Drummer fpresiding); On whnt grUund? Senator Dunn :: On the ground that NIT. Ford owns enough of America already. Be fore we give him any more of it he should agree to give America back Detroit. M Representative Drummer: You're out of or der.
 Senator Dumm: That's also true of Ford.
 Representative Drummer: What Fcrdf |, Senator Dunn All Fords, Representative Drummer: Confine yourself to the subject under discussion. Senator Dumm. I accept your apology. Why does Mfr. Ford want Muscle Shoals! Why does the Colossus of Bumps wish to fake them over? Why does this Tetrarch of Tin show 90 much anxiety to get these shoals into his possession2 l ask you and pause for reply.
 Representative Drummer Under the rules of this committee there positively must be no pausing.
 Senator Dunn: Very well. I shall answer my own riddles. The reasons are as clear as the nose on your face.
 Representative Drummer: Never mind about my nese.
 Senator Dunn: If you don't mind it, I won't, '
 Representative Drummer Go on with your story. Asssts
 Senator Dunn Listen carefully and I will unfold to you the details of one of the darkest plots in American history. MT. Ford and those in his confidence know that it is of paramount importance that he get Muscle Shoals at once He needs them. He has got to have them.
 Representative Drummer What for?
 Senator Dunn: So the Ford owners of this country will have q suitable place to throw the broken fenders. hi
 Representative Drummer: Isn't that pretty far to throw . Ford fender?
 Senator Dumm: No distance is too far to throw . Ford fender.
 Representative Drummer: Continue
 Senator Dunn I call your attention to the fact that Muscle Shoals are on the Ten nessee river.
 Representative Drummer: Of what signifi- canoe is that?
 Senator Dunn: If Mir. Ford gets control of the shoals he will get control of the Ten-. uessee river.
 Representative Drummer What of it?
 Senator Dumm :s He will draw out all the water and fin the river with shellac.
 Representative Drummer: What for?
 Senator Dunn: This will save him S3 3,000,- 000 year in his painting bill alone. All he will have to do win be to throw the new cars into the river, as fast as they are built and make lem swim.
 Representative Drummer: Are you sure of your facts?
 Senator Dumm have the best witnesses in the world before any congressional in- quiFy.
 Representative Drummer: Who are they?
 Senator Dunn Two scrubwomen, fugi- tive from justice and a half-wit.
 Representative Drummer: will subpoena them 1t once.
 Senator Dunn: Ton can't. The govern meHt has run out of subpoenas.
 Representative Drummer: had understood Mr. Ford wanted Muscle Shoals for the cal OFies
 Senator Dumm That is another eonsid- eratiou. I wiH explain. Muscle Shoals are rich in cal0Fies. think there are something like 2,345. .S34 calories to the shoal. Now these eaIoFies are very essential to health as every patron of restaurant knows. If Mir, Ford gets Muscle Shoals he will have control of practically all the first-elass calories in America.
 Representative Drummer: But what will he do with them? s4
 Senator Dunn Take them out of the
  soups and cold drinks
 Representative Drummer: But is that not a great engineering pFOiecte
 Senator Dumin: It is stupendous. And do you not see that through controlling the calories Mir Ford will also control the sal ads. biscuits, soups and cold drinks of the country, if not of the world?
 Unknown Senator (objectingl I rise to correct the speaker He is laboring under a confusion of names. There are no calories in Muscle Shoals. What Senator Damn evil dently means to refer to is nitrates. s
 Senator Dunn: Whats the difference?
 Representative Drummer: Don't Son know the difference between a calory and a nj trate?
 Senator Dumm: What is it?
 Representative Drummer A nitrateis is what the telegraph company charges you for a message after p. m. A calory is the second balcony in a theater
 (At this point the meeting was adjourned due to unmistakable signs that both the sen ator and the representative had been drink ing again).