The Washington times., 1924-02-25
The Alibi
Artists
A Skeleton Record Of
Cases Tried By
Judge Mcmahon.
By Donald Med Oug0l-
A Test.


man. "Who was his grandfather"
in Boston, What university is
he from?" In Chicago, what
does he do?" in New York, "How
much has he got?" And that's
the way they size you up.
Democracy.
That's fair and square and
above board. You know just
about where you stand, and how
big a splash you'll make when
you get in the swim. If the
splash isn't satisfactory, you can
hunt another puddle.
The Unexpected Happens.
Aside from that, you never
know what's required of you. You
pull a stunt that looks pretty
big, chuck out your chest to
have a medal pinned there, and
get q swift kick, on the contrary.
Wouldn't Drink Tea.
Our forefathers, for instance,
threw all the tea they could find
into Boston Harbor. That was a
great deed. Historians wrote
about it, orators made speeches
about it, and poets have sung
about it for the last $50 years.
It's How You Do It.
Last July / threw into Boston
harbor not only the tea, but
everything else 1 had for dinner.
Hundreds Of my fellow-passengers
witnessed that soul-stirring act,
but did I receive tributes Of
praise, did I find a place in his.
tory, was I called patriot
Nothing like it. A deck hand
said, Get the hell away from
there, you damned landlubber,
You're just forrard o. the cook
galley port hole"
Sir Walter Shown Up.
Then there was the case of Sir
Walter Raleigh at the mud pud-
die. Fifty ladies went by there
that day, and they. wore fine
shoes, and fine stockings, too.
Did Sir Walter Raleigh throw his
coat down for them to walk on?
He did not. He stood there and
rubbered at EN-. That's what he
did.
1t Pays to Advertise.
But when the queen came along,
with more wealth and power and
favors to give out than an Old
Guard Senator, he did his stuff.
And look what he got for it.
And it didn't take him twenty
minutes to brush his clothes clean
after they got good and dry. He
knew which side of that velvet
coat was muddied, all right.
Here's how things happen now.
adays: - f.
What You Call a Noise.
There was traffic jam over
at Nineteenth and New York ave-
nue., your honor, and the way the
horns were sounding, bells ring
ing, and gongs changing, thought
Tor a minute had my dates
mixed, and the old year was GO
ing out and the new one COM
ing in. 90
No More PuddIes, But
II went down there and found
a house being moved across the
street, leaving a narrow passage
for vehicles. There was a four.
ton truck cater cornered across
this place, and about a hundred
cars waiting to pass. There was
no one on the truck, and I was
just getting ready to call for vol
unteers to push it out of the
way, when the driver came along
and cranked up.
All According To HOyle.
"I told him to pull in to the
curb, and arrested him for block
ing traffic. He told me that a
lady in a Ford coupe had got
gummed in the crowd, and he had
left his truck and driven her
clear. 1 have to obey my orders,
and there was nothing for me to
do but place him under arrest.
recommend leniency, If the court
please.
Sir Bill Jackson.
Defendant: "Ah stops nah
truck TO- a minute so de lady
get a chanst to pull out, an she
jes' bus out acryin'. All KANT
stan TO- dat nohow, yo' honnah,
an all leaves nah truck as is,
an drives de little Fode ovah to
New York avenue. Yessuh. When
all comes back to nah truck de
ossifah tell me he moughty sorry,
but he got to res me-"
Nor DiscOurtesy, Either.
The court: I'VE haven't reach
ed the point in this town yet
where courtesy is a punishable Of
Tense. Case dismissed"