davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1924-08-31

case the audience simply wont come
A man will turn out at night when
he knows he is going to hear d first
class l3-cent lecture. but when the
thing is given for nothing, why go
to it?
The city in which ! live is over
run with little societies. clubs and
associations, always wanting TO be
addressed. For such an association,
the invited speaker. who is TO lecture
for nothing, prepares his lecture on
"Indo-Germanic Factors in the Cur
rent of History If he is a professor,
he takes all the Winter at it. His
mental vision of his meeting is that of
a huge gathering of keen people with
Indo- -Germanic faces, hanging upon
every word.
THEN comes the fated night. There
L are II people present. The lee
turer refuses to count them. He
refers to them afterward as about
a hundred" To this group he reads
his paper on the Indo- -Germanic Fac
tor. 1t takes him two hours. When
he is over, the chairman invites dis
cussion. The audience is willing to
let the Indo- -Germanic factors go un-
challenged. Then the chairman makes
his speech. He says:
Il am very sorry, indeed, that we
should have had such a very poor
turnout tonight, / am sure that
the members who were not here have
missed a real treat in the delightful
paper that we have listened to. l
want to assure the lecturer that if
he comes to the Owls Club again we
can guarantee him next time a capa :
city audience. And will any members
please, who haven't paid their dollar
this Winter. pay il either to me or
to Mr.. Sibley as they pass out
l have heard this speech Gn the
years when ] have had to listen to
IT'D SO many times that | know it by
Ecart. I have made the acquaintance
of the Owls Club under so many
names that ! recognize il at once.
am aware that its members refuse to
turn out in cold weather: that they
do not turn out in wet weather; that
when the weather is really fine. il is
Impossible TO get together.
There was time when l was the
Evening star., 1924-08-31

try queen. but that when he mar
ries it will be because he has fallen
into love, that it will be the one girl
of his own choice, and then. no mat
ter who she is or where he finds her,
he'll marry that one and no other.
He was impressed on his visit to
the White House with the simplicity
of President and Mrs. Coolidge. He
knows John w. Davis much better,
having seen him close up when he
was Ambassador to the Court of ST.
James in a most trying period, and
has expressed high regard for him.
He took a lively interest in the Dem
ocratic national convention and ex
pressed desire to meet "Al' Smith,
having been intrigued by the story
of his rise to great popularity from a
job as fish monger. Himself bound
by birth to the aristocratic line, his
fancy is enkindled by the contrast
in the United States.
The Prince of Wales, while devoted
to his own country and its history,
proposes to absorb into It when he is
king all that he finds best In the
United StateA
Evening star., 1924-08-31

newly appointed occupant of a col
lege chair and had TO address the
Owls Club. IT is a penalty that all
new professors pay. / used to take
il out Of the Owls in a speech. de-
liyered. in Imagination only and not
out loud TO the assembled meeting Of
the II owls, after the chairman had
made his concluding remarks. 1t ran
as follows:
''Gentlemen--if YOU are such, which
] doubt. / realize that the paper
which ] have read on Was Hegel a
Deist?' has been an error. | spent all
the Winter on it and now ! realize
that not one Of you pups know who
Hegel was or what a deis- is. Never
mind. But just let me his. only
this. which won't keep ) minute.
Your chairman has been good enough
to say that If L come again you will
get together a capacity audience to
hear me. Let me tell you that if your
society waits for its next meeting till
come to address you again, gentle
men-I say it very frankly--it will
be in another world"
/ cannot help but feel that / have
acquired a fine taste in chairmen. /
know them jus, as other experts
know old furniture and Pekinese
dogs. The witty chairman, the prosy
chairman, the solemn chairman-as
soon as 1 shake hands with the
chairman in the committee room /
can tell exactly how he will act.
Everybody knows the chairman
who says: Now, ladies and gentle
men, you have not come here to
listen to me. So | will be very
brief; in fact I will confine my re-
marks to just one or two very short
observations" II" then proceeds to
make observations for % minutes
At the end of il he remarks with
charming simplicity. Now | know
that you are all impatient to hear
the lecturer. X Y
* y :; =
nd everybody knows the chair
man who perforCe is given to this
type of introduction:
Our lecturer of the evening is
widely recognized as one of the
greatest authorities on-on-on his
subject in the world today. He
comes TO US from-from a great
Evening star., 1924-08-31
British Prince Is Keen Observer Of u. S. Affairs

He has large real estate holdings
in all parts of the world. 1t has been
stated and not denied, but likewise
not proved, that he owns several
places in Washington and New York.
He lives in his boyhood home, York
House, in London, part Of the old
palace of st. James, rent free. He
has surprised many affable young
sports" in this country and the
ranchmen in Calgary, who sought to
interest him in poker games. by de-
clining, as he knows next to nothing
about cards. Yet he equally sur
prises those who have been kind to
him in this fountry by making them
valuable presents, such as silver
cigarette cases with his coat of arms,
as tokens of appreciation.
Although the prince is still heart
free and still disposed to keep at a
distance the amorous ones who would
restrain his liberties and force him
to settle down, there is still hope for
all nice girls. For the prince him
self has assured his close associates
that he appreciates that some day he
must settle down and give hie coun-
Evening star., 1924-08-31
Continued from Third Page.)

and Oxford in England, and some of
the universities in this country.
He realizes that Bditish people do
not know as much about America and
it's problems as the average American
knows about the British Empire. This,
he feels, is because the British do
not travel in America as the Ameri-
cans do in England, nor do they take
up residence in the United States, as
Americans do in England.
Again, he points out to American
confidants, the best London papers
carry little American news or edito-
rial comment on American happen
ings, while every big American news
paper carries all important sport
news and many feature articles and
thoughtful editorial comment on hop
.penings in England.
The prince is a very light eater.
He smokes a great deal. He is fond
of q good cigar after dinner. Being
a light eater and heavy exerciser,
he keeps in excellent physical condi-
ton.
Evening star., 1924-08-31

me for a place to go home. Nothing
underneath except air. Maybe
might jump. but would 1? Then / OBJ
serve that middle-age window with
lace on its skirt Already Hon. Bear
had eaten portions of my leg. There
fore-O despirit.-I omit loud bel
lus and lept straight into that win
dow, which bursted while / got in
Hon. Bear set on top of Ladder smil-
ing 70 see where / was
For where was /? In room, thank you
observing Mrs. c. w. Quackmire comb
ing her Marshal waves. Screams by her.
You little shrink she holla.
What you doing in my room?"
Mrs Madam I relapse. did you
not tell me to report when finished?"
Il do So she reject without sugar.
Well | spiffle, Il finished, thank
YOU"
Then she stand looking at me like
broken umbrella.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly.
HASHIMURA TOGO.
tCopyright 1921
Evening star., 1924-08-31

go DO 1t Some More holIa Hon
Tune.
Yes indeediy," ! pronounce.
Then Hon. Bear approach closer to
low part OF Hon. Ladder and shook
himself so artistic that ! howell with
rapture & hitch up my hands for ap-
plaud.
That were serial mistake thank
what happen? Hon. Soap go tumbel-
ling down SO accurately that it
knocked on Ladder. siip-slid Gee and
slapped Hon. Bear right in the CEN
ter OF his face.
MR. EDITOR, did you ever stroke a
A'A Bear with "A cake of Soap?
Please don't do il again. For l can
not be very journalstick about what
collapsed after that. All | could OBJ
serve were - lbs. fur and several
CLAWS coming up Ladder 10 talk with
me.
20 Hon. Bear" I shreech. II do
not wish TO know YOU so suddenly"
Yet uply he approached so closely
could hear his nose whiStlng
against my left hind pants.
What to do then? | did 90. With
ono & i2antifcrouS swish ! poked Hon.
SuGdS Buckit across his head. This
were not very gentle thing to do and
he commence TO feel injured. But in
spite of those he come on with cx-
Cellcnt rapidity.
All my thoughts got full of death.
Making my eyes quick. | look around
Evening star., 1924-08-31
OR many years it anas been m

OR many years it shas been my
lot to speak and to lecture in
* all sorts OF places under all
sorts OF circumstances and be-
fore all sorts of audiences. /
say this. not in boastfulness, but in
sorrow. Indeed. / only mention it
TO establish the fact that when | talk
of lecturers and speakers | talk of
what | know.
The public sees the lecturer step
out to the platform in his little white
waistcoat and his long tailed coat
and with IL false air Of a conjuror
about him, and they think him happy.
But most people tire Of lecture IN
10 minutes: clever people can do 1t
in ;. But the people who do go to
IA lecture and who get tired of 1t
presently hold ii as a sort of
giudge against the lecturer per-
sonally. In reality his sufferingS are
worse than theirs.
For my own part I always try to
appear as happy as possible while 1
am lccturing. ! take this to be part
OF the trade of anybody labeled a
Eumorist. have no sympathy
whatever with the idea that
humorist ought 70 be a lugubrious
person with face stamped with
melancholy. ! always try TO appear
ChffTtul ana even 10 laupH dt my
own jokes. Oddly enough. this
A. ouses A kind of resentment IN some
Of the audience.
Well ] will say said a stern
looking woman who spoke to me
after one of my lectures. you GER
tainly do seem TO enjoy your own
fun"
Madam" | answered, 80 didn't.
who would?"
The first OF the troubles which any
one who begins giving pubic tee
tures meets at the very outset Is the
fact that. the audience won't come to
hear him. j don't say that this hap
pened very often TO me in my recent
tour in England. In nearly all cases
I had crowded audiences BY divid-
ing up the money that | received by
the average number OF people pres
ent to hear me, ] have calculated that
they paid 13 cents each. And my
lectures are evidently worth IL cents.
But at home, in Canada. 1 have very
often tried the fatal experiment of
lecturing for nothing, and in that
Evening star., 1924-08-31

TO Editor The Star, who have got
bay window to make him think more
clear.
~ EAREST SIR: Will you please
to print this editorial just
like like III, ! wrote , it: I,oS l wish d,,et to
tion: Are servant girls
(male and female) required to do, up
work as we'll as back e. forth?
This problemb frequently arises up
among Social Workers and Social
IIoafters also: Why Do Servant Girls
Leave Home? l shall tell you one in
famed example, and maybe you can
tell
Yestdy am. Mrs. c. W. ouackmirc
approach up to me and report with
amature eyebrows:
Togo" she says so. al are COINS to
my room to robe myself fashionably
for lunching with the Daughters of
solomon Mutual Bcnefat Society.
While l are engaged in hair-cur &
etc, you will please to answer tale
fUne & wash windows"
Can | answer talefor" through
window" I ask to know with beetles
ON my brow.
DO whatever Napoleon would do
under those circumstances she mar
rate hastily. But please be indus
lrious about bathing those windows,
which are very unrleanscd. And when
finished | require YOU to report TO
me.
II shah report notsly." This from
me with militia salutes while she de-
part away.
Therefore | 60 to cellar and fetch
forth one prolonged ladder Of Fire
Dept. ancestry. When | lean him
against side of the home it nearly fell
down. but ! hope it shall remain till
/ promenade To Kitchen where | SicZe
one fraction of debased soap. also buc-
kit of feverish water and the bal. of
my elderly undershirt for wash and
wipe purposes.
Mr.. Editor, did YOU ever see too
many windows at the same time? That
QuaCknire house has got them all over
its face from its chin TO its ahead.
Every door are confused hy glass also,
which make il very superiatIve.
But / am entirely Samurat in my
ambition to be dutiful. Therefore |
grasp Hon. Ladder on shoulder, and
walk around TO find some window
what look with pleasure at japanese
Schoolboy. Up on md story [ see one
with a very dirty face. 1t were
nice. ni,,dle-age window with lace on
the eGs.e OF its skirt and an cX
preston that require washing i'm
mediattIy.
Sc what ! do then? Firstly | poke
uS Ion. Ladder to the under jaw of
th1t Window. When il stood siftici-
emily up-anddown | took Hon. Sudds
Buckit over on" wrist, Hon. Under
shirt over another and commence To
amount uplL. Pretty soOnly | was
pretty top-high. thank YOU, getting
ready to commence.
= :: 4
RUT as soonly aS begin attack that
~ job dishcover how Hon. Window
Wash must be like Il jugglc in a
circus. To obtain myself on that Lad
der | must clasp my toes with care
fulness resembling stork, at same
time | must balance Hon. Buckit by
elbow. hold Hon. Rag on the end Of
my teeth and wopse Hon. Window
Evening star., 1924-08-31

where the King and Magellan became
so friendly that the latter presented
the King with a robe or red and
yellow and a red cap, and the two
made themselves blood brothers by
drawing some blood from the arms
and breast of each and drinking it
as they promised to be friends for
ever thereafter
Leaving there. Magellan came on
to Cebu. where he frightened the
Evening star., 1924-08-31

the whole tour. He tells how they
first saw natives on the Island Of
Samar. one of the chiefs coming out
in a boat and taking a meal with the
captain general. After this the natives
were given some combs, bells and
ivory, and some red caps and looking
glasses. In return, the natives gave
the Spaniards some fieh. vessel filled
with palm wine, probably the intoxi-
Evening star., 1924-08-31

eating tuba now drunk here in Cebu.
and some figs more than foot long,
which we now know were bananas.
The captain fired the little cannon he
had brought with him, and the ex-
plosion so scared his visitors that they
wished to jump off the ship into
the sea.
island of Limasawa, south of Leyte,
Evening star., 1924-08-31

miles up the coast and easily reached
by automobile.
X " Il
COME Of you may have dug from the
~ old Spanish libraries the story of
how Magellan was killed. He had one
man in his party who kept a record of
the voyage. This man, Pigafetta.
claims to have been at the side Of
Magellan at the time. He has described
Evening star., 1924-08-31

TO Editor The Star who have got a
bay window to make him think more
clear
Evening star., 1924-08-31

SIR: Will you please
to print this editorial just
like | wrote it? l wish to
ask this very steamed ques-
Evening star., 1924-08-31

sorts Of circumstances and be.
fore all sorts of audiences.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
If in Doubt. Communicate
Home Demonstration Agent

The canning season has now begun
and If you are the tiniest bit In doubt
as to the recipe or the method you wish
TO use, communicate with the Home
Demonstration Agent, Library Build
ing, La Plata. Bulletins are avail
able which have all the methods OF
canning outlined, and details Of can
ming vegetables, fruits, icilies and pre-
serves.
The New Garden bulletin, published
by the University of Mary land, is now
on file in the Agents Offices and avail
able TO any one desiring a copy.
ELVA S. BOHANNAN,
Co. Home Dem. Agent.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
NOTICE.

The Charles County Road Commits
sion will hold regular monthly meet
ings, during the year 1924, on the sec
ond Tuesday of each month at u
0 clock noon in the Court House at La
Plata.
ROBERT GRAIN,
3-l-tf. Chairman,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
WARNING.

All persons are warned to secure
dog licenses before July l, 1924. as re-
quired by law
By order OF Board County Commits
sioners,
]. H. NJ. DoRsErr. Clerk.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
COMMISSIONERS MEETING.

The Board Of County Commission
ers Of Charles County will meet at
their office in La Plata on
MONDAY, JULY 7, 1924,
TO transact miscellaneous business.
By order Of the Board
JH.M. DoRSETT,
/ Clerk.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04

he Chesapeake, and Potoma'
and The Bell System
GThere is natural public interest in the details of the
agreement Chesapeake Telephone Company
and the American Telephone and Telegraph Company the parent
of the Bell System Under this arrangement the A. l. and
T. Company renders this Company and the other Bell operating
companies throughout the certain which, measured
terms of value telephone worth times more than the
payment therefor
Here the facts about services the therefor and its
effect telephone rates. ~E7~F.s~r
The Services of the A. 7. and T. Company
The A. I. and T. Company provides
A sPGni s.n% S 1 a s.' s ss ss patrons and
Rights controlled by tn. and T. Company and
patents ''''' '''' '''-''' '-'@' ~
organization prosecute continuously the ulrkr
s sss4 t .s. ... . and c nS' @
dnvsnion maksfn furnish
commercial account
ss' , Nj; The ss. . s s the .ad g G% S U Ss
ndp inc. .ndin cubs
The Payment for These Services
a .9a ne % as nss. ssss es. Bel operating
average telephones
Effect Telephone Rates
The annual of the telephone and Hansmisr which
D ssa S sI o~. '' 'e e ny @
monthly negligible
s Inclusion s ID. a effect. . .. .s"s s. the ' expense account
That this business highly technical
the furnishing of nationwide That the
services provided be performed with the of economy efficiency by
should be obvious
has been and still the the development of the ee
GAS paying the A. T. Company the
I. oil
G. and p
% d
idendson his nvestm
The widely known in all its details has been the
subject Of inquiry by bodies and the and has
mew thge alappro
M THE CHESAPEAKE AND POTOMAC
ma N TELEPHONE COMPANY
NV OF BALTIMORE CITY
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
Wanted.

Representative in Charles County.
Wanted by large Manufacturing com
pany Selling a household necessity d.
rect in the home. A real opportunity.
Car essential. Write stating full qualif-
cations. The Vital Sales Company. 204
District National Bank Building, Wash
ington, d. c.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1924-07-04
The Payment for These Services

The c. and P. Company, as is the
companies, pays the A. T. and T. Compal
revenue. The payment in the State of M
With an average of 154,135 telephones in .
ment per telephone was $2.47.
New Britain herald., 1924-12-08

urge an international agreement for the reduction of armament until the armed forces shall he only sufficient for police service"
 A referendum on war also would he an effective mnans of preserving peace, he assorted.
 Dr. ShutWcll, who, with General BIS4 General Hlrhord and others, drew up a plan for the reduction Of armament and Tor national security, used largely as the basis for the Gc- ncva protocol, 1qclarcd President Coolidge had taken the lead in the move tu outlaw war, lie praised the protocol ns offering q chance 10 got rid of war and expressing anna mrH.
 "rre~llcul Coolidge has placed himself al the head of one Of the errltrrt movements in history, Waieh w.H have accomplished d rev. o'u'on in human affairs greater than any other Since society began IIp fll "lijs declaration pledGing thr Tinted states to policies look lNS toward 'he ou'IlWry Of war is certainly 'hr most notable utcrance o' a statesman since the days Of the Wur.I W.n"
 Stmons aud moral cAhortations are no' though ID prevent war, Dr. S1rW.l. SdiI.
 War cannot he done away with unless 'horn are adequate substi- u'a. for r," he s4id.
New Britain herald., 1924-12-08
ANTIQUES SHOWN
|. of P. Museum Displays Important Discoveries Taken From Ruins of Ancient Babylonia.

Philadelphia, Dee. STA small clay statuctte of a woman and a clay model of the Sacred Bull of Heav- en-" the latter said to be one of the earliest known pieces of modelling of the Babylonians, were on view today at the University of Pennsylvania museum. They were among the many important treasures of anti Quity found al L'r of the Chaldees by The joint expedition of the P"naSyl- vania and the British museum and arrived in this country last week.
 nr. Leon Legran, curator Of the Taulyonian section of the university museum, said the statuette repre- eontrd a goddess and probably was male about 2000 B. c.. or at the time Abraham lived in IT, l. was tound in the Temple Of the Moon God. The clay bull, Dr. Legrain said. was at least 5,oo0 years old
 The joint expedition resumed its work at Lr last month and now has about 900 mon clearing the buildings below the Ziggurat. the great staged tower. c'oee 10 the temple.
New Britain herald., 1924-12-08
POSSE ON TRAIL
Indiana Police Seek Boston Man Who Killed Two And Wounded Five In Daring Holdup.

Southbend, Ind, Dec. s. - With police and sheriffs posse still searching for the aocomplice Of Ray mond Mosley of Boston who held up a soft drink place here Saturday aft crnoon, wounding five and killing two in a desperate effort to escape. two additional deaths were expected last night, Stanley Polinarzak, 55. and C. l.. Camp, 70, farmer. two of the youthful gunman's victims, are reported near death,
 Police were unable to question Mosley today as the bandit was still in dazed condition. the result of being hit over the head with a ham mer by road worker, 10 miles west of South Bend, He had fled there with his companion in a stolen au- tomobile and shot two more persons, one of whom died shortly after.
 Prosecutor Frank Coughlin a.- nounced he would ask for a special session of the grand jury Monday to indict Mosley for first degree mur- der.
New Britain herald., 1924-12-08
City Officials Going
 To Bus Line Hearing

A delegation Of New Britain city officials vii attend q hearing We'd nesday morning at the office of the public utilities commission at Hart ford, when petition Of the Inter- city BNs Co. for franchise 10 oper- ate q bus between Waterbury and Hartford by way of New Britain. will be heard.
 Mayor A. N. Taones ssa E interest ed in the esta hlishment of bus scry- ice between this city and Hartford and has written the r. L. C. q lengthy letter expressing his views on schedules and fares, Tine Mastco CO. of this city has agreed 10 oper- ate a line with 25 cent fare ana with l5 and % minute schedules. Since this offer has been made, the mayor believes no greater fare or schedule which does not provide at lcast4 as satisfactory should be al lowed.