davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
TOM SIMS SAYS
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A woman who gave her husband
bum cigars for Christmas tells US
4 there are TAI new swear wordsy
And man who gave a girl dia-
mond ring tells us three hours of
hugging is not enough.
Kissing too long without looking
up is dangerous. 1t may make your
nose grow crooked.
Years ago, before so much rouge
and powder, Q mans suit didn't need
cleaning so often.
You can take an old Christmas
horn and use it for a funnel, if you
ever need funnel.
A thermometer can't read the
weather mans forecasts.
To remove candy from the mus
tache inhale steaming soup until soft
and comb OUT candy.
Candy may be removed from the
hair by soaking your head over night
in bucket of kerosene.
Scrape the inside of new pipe
before smoking it or the fire wagon
may call on you.
Christmas ties are all right Every
body else wears them. Go on, don't
be so self-conscious.
Our government is experimenting
with hogs. Yes, real hogs. No, not
office seekers.
Department of Agriculture is try
ing to teach hogs to bring home the
bacon with more lean.
One-seventeenth of the worlds
people live in the United States, and
should be glad of it.
The United States spends more on
7 education than the rest of the world,
yet has SO little.
There are 6,500,00O illiterates in
the United States, which is ignorance
on their part.
About 35 per cent of London's war
widows have married again. Beware
OF widows during Leap Year.
Largest diamond in the world is
worth 100000, but small one may
be priced more highly.
Candy may be gradually worn off
the seat of the trousers by putting
sandpaper in chairs.
Very few things turned out as bad
! ly as expected in 1923, but this hap
pens ever year.
Let's spend 1924 pulling the hair Of
people who had the bad taste to alb
breviate the word Christmas.
The extra day we get this Leap
Year might be spent learning why all
bosses are SO ignorant.
One thing we hope for the new year
is that some insurance agent will
sprain his jaw talking.
There will be So Tuesdays in 1924,
| if not prohibited by law.
March has five pay days, but that
is when the income tax is due.
Five paydays hath May; but that is
when summer clothes are due.
Five paydays hath August, but that
is when vacations are due.
Five paydays hath November, but
that is%when winter suits are due.
This 1924 is Leap Year. The extra
day comes on Friday, which is con-
sidered unlucky for bachelors.
We might spend the extra day
learning why women still wear their
shoes too small.
On the extra day we could visit the
laundry and ask why they like to tear
buttons off of shirts.
Next February 20 we could use to
ask the company why street cars are
usually going the wrong way.
Friday is fish day. Friday, Feb.
30, bachelors will be the fish.
We could use the extra day in 1924
wondering why women are SO foolish
and why men are SO foolish.
The new social seasons are promis-
ing. Cheek-to-c cheek dancing will be
done by those who have the cheek.
Well, here's 1924 and many book
I agents still at large.
Business outlook is good except for
those wanting something for nothing.
They may get the nothing.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Skinny Jones burned hole in the
seat Of his pants the other day. He
said it was all right, even though he
didn't have his pants insured, for his
coat tail covered his loss.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
AMERICAN LEGION NEWS
PREAMBLE no AMERICAN LEGION CONSTITUTION
Edited by j. B. RICKEL, Adiutant,
Mark A. Moore Post No. 8, Flagstaff

PREAMBLE TO AMERICAN LEGION CONSTITUTION
For God and Country associate ourselves ther for the fol-
uphold Constitution
maintain and order foster
Amercansm the
Of
sense Individual obligation the community nation;
combat the of both the classes the make
right the master of might promote and good will erh
safeguard and transmit poety the principles of justice free
dom and democracy to and sancy eomradep by
to mutual helpfunesS.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

"Oh," said the other, "you tied them
together with string while you had
'em in here an you forgot to cut the
string"
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

w. H. Peirce was having an argu-
ment with Swede who claimed be-
cause his parents were born in Sweden
he isn't an American even though he
was born in this country. w. H. fl
nally won the argument and convinc-
ed the Swede by asking him if a set
Of kittens born in an oven had to be
biscuits.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
blush at my bow-all bent on marry
ing me, no matter how!

James S. (Rimmy Jim) Giddings." !"
Seems to us we've used it before,
but, never mind. Friend of ours
sends it and says it's new and it's
about man who went home one night
and found his wife in the doctors
arms and next day sent his wife a
barrel of apples because an apple a
day keeps the doctor away.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04


record for himself at the nations during
the disarmament conference called by President Harding young
Roosevelt of the leading
led to the reduction of naval
DENLY in Japan to promote friendly relations
and the United States,
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
(Weiser, Idaho, Signal.)

Mrs. Williams suffered badly
wrenched knee, but aside from bro
ken top, and windshield, no other dam
age was apparent.
I'm ten more years dry laws will
thrive"
The Volstead lecturer said.
"Those who shun hooch will be alive,
And the others will be dead"
DIR. E. S. MILLER.
The modern woman fears no breeze;
The wind may whistle round her
knees;
Her ankles do not mind the air,
But how she does arrange her hair!
If Mother Eve were only here,
She'd wear her fig leaf on her ear.
HOMER BARTLETT.
She wouldn't tell what Santa brought;
We trust this isn't one bit shock
ing,
But when she stepped into the car
We saw what she had in her stocking.
CARL MAYHEM.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Architect V. o. Wallingford blew in
from Los Angeles the other day with
a couple Of merry jests, which he told
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
(Elkhart. Ind. Tr1ith.l

When Wilbur Templin was up to
Petoskey on his vacation this sum-
mer, relates the Elkhart Truth, he or
dered chicken for dinner one day. He
was in a hurry and the chicken didn't
come and didn't come.
Finally he asked the waitress:
where's that chicken | ordered, an
hour ago? 2"
And the waitress replied: "Itll be
here soon, sir. The cook hasn't killed
it yet, but she's gotten in a couple of
nasty blows"
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Ray Prochnow asked Bucko Sisk the
other day if he thought it would stop
raining and Bucko said he sposed it
would; it always had.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

A woman who gave her husband
bum cigars for Christmas tells US
there are TAI new swear wordsy
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Jerry Fisher used to call a spring
he had Hot Spring" because, Jerry
said, 1T makes you sweat to climb
up to it."
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

And a man who gave a girl a dia-
mond ring tells us three hours OF
hugging is not enough.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Kissing too long without looking
up is dangerous. 1t may make your
nose grow crooked.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Even in staid institution like a
bank a joke occasionally gets loose
and romps around. Recently at the
First National bank couple of
pounds of mixed coins recovered from
the southside fire that destroyed sew
eral houses a few weeks ago were
handed to Miss LaPrele Crosby, one
of the clerks, with the request that
she polish and clean them. They were
warped, twisted, in some cases partly
melted away and stuck together in a
shapeless lump. Miss Crosby got one
penny to looking fairly presentable
in an hour or so and then was advis-
ed not to take the job so seriously.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04
CHEERFUL CHIRPS
(By "DEL.')

those intervals real idea
along and is grabbed off,
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

C. B. Wilson has friend in Los
Angeles whose wife recently present
ed him with trfplets. His friend SAYS
the only way he can account for it is
by the fact that his wife had been to
see the film version of "The Three
Muskeeteers." And now there are a
lot of men worried because their wives
went to see "The Four Horsemen.'
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

s'poses it's because there amt nj
lynx around handy.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Claude Knight says there's a ranch
er out his way whose wife thought
she'd make a lot of money raising
chickens. She bought a hen and
thirteen eggs. Then she wrote to a
poultry journal and asked how long
it takes eggs to hatch. They wrote
back:
''Three weeks for chickens and four
for ducks"
The woman kept the eggs under the
hen for three weeks and then as none
of the eggs had Matched and she
DIDN'T care to raise ducks, she took
the hen off.
A feller with two wooden legs mus
kinda have to lumber along, Ell, what !?
inquiries Roger Birdseye.
A young fellow shuffled into Bill
Switzer's the other day. He had had
his shoes resoled a few days before
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Years ago, before so much rouge
and powder, Q mans suit didn't need
cleaning so often.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

About 35 per cent of London's war
widows have married again. Beware
of widows during Leap Year.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

There are 6,5O0,0OO illiterates in
the United States, which is ignorance
on their part.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

The United States spends more on
education than the rest of the world,
yet has so little.
The Coconino sun., 1924-01-04

Largest diamond in the world is
worth 100000, but a small one may
be priced more highly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

It this isn't the day before Christmas the office has just been victimized m one of the greatest frauds since Teapot Dome. At five minute intervals for the past three hours, janitors elevator boys and other property men have been entering to apprise the force of the fact The myriad of workers which it takes to keep an office structure operating has never before been so vividly brought out.
 The plan of attack has generally been the same.
 Merry Christmas" says the porter.
 Happy New Year." says the office hirelings attempting to change the sub ject full week.
 'The Yuletide arriveth but one diem l,er 365," says the elevator boy refus- ing to be sidetracked.
 'Thank authorities responsible for putting out the life insurance calendars for that" says the o. h. reaching in dividually for individual pockets.
 Had By All
 There upon the prop passes around box bearing a wide slot and every body has 2 good time comparable to trip to the dentist.
 Being that the day is the day i'm mediately adjoining Christmas on the south, Birmingham, taking its annual fling of hilarity, failed to furnish it's required quota of news. However, this
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
fore a meeting of the Oswego, N. Y. Rotary club several months ago.
 PrOmptIy At Five

The most surprising result, however, came in the investigation of blind, legless negro whose plaintive walls from the corner of Second avenue and Twentieth street have made inhabitants ;n the peaceful Norwood section throw dollar bills at the iceman. Promptly as the 5 o'clock whistle blew, quitting time for the A. B. B. Association of Begging Beggars, branch of the Asso- citation of Tramping Tramps), bright purple Rolls-Royce drew smartly up to the curbing and livericd footman alit to help his aged master into the spacious cushions of the tonneau.
 Il had it painted purple because l am blind," the beggar explained to this department as he climbed into the machine. Although I cant see, can always hear it coming down the street"
 As the mendicant arose from his seat by the wall well-known industrialist took his place. This man was wealthy few weeks ago but he married q girl with IS uncles, 23 aunts, 35 nephews, ? nieces, besides a few hundred inti- mate acquaintances.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

 ENTERTAIN TOTS|
Baskets To Be Distributed By Birmingham
 Army

More than 250 baskets of provisions were given to Birmingham needy Thursday afternoon at the annual food distribution of the Salvation army, 72o North Nineteenth street, under the su- pervisioh> of Maj. A. P. Story: Dr. George R. Stuart of the First Metho. dist church, spoke on Christmas Spirit at the donation.
 The baskets were estimated to cost about $3 each and given to supply a family of five for several meals. Three hundred baskets had been first planned, but the street kettles which had been supporting the Christmas dinner idea, had been inconvenienced by the bad weather, said Major Story.
 Toys for 400 children will be given Christmas night at z o'clock at the Salvation army auditorium following a short program of songs and a brief sermon by Dr. Stuart. The toys to be distributed have cost the Salvation army $1,O00. Dolls will be given to the girls and footballs, games and base ball equipment to the boys.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
CLAUS VISITS
 COUNTY OFFICES
Little Business For Marriage
 License Clerk

Santa Clpas visited the Jefferson county courthouse Wednesday, stopping nj almost every office in the building. In the sheriffs office and Woolsey Morrow's office, Christmas trees were set up and employees of the two county departments had regular Christmas par ties.
 Mir. Morrow was presented with a Gladstone travelling bag by his employees, Sheriff T. J. Shirley and Chief Deputy Sheriff Henry s. Hill also received trav- cling bags. Hunter Armstrong, register Fordney Brandon, clerk of the criminal in chancery, was given a gun case and division of the circuit court, was given a beautiful pipe.
 Thhe only office open for business Wednesday afternoon was the marriage license window, for those who decided on Christmas marriages at the last min ute. The rush, however, was not as large as in previous years, only about 20 licenses being issued as compared with 75ain 1923.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
An, Bitter Cold It Was!
 But Xmas Proof Is Found
Twas The Night Before, Or The Inquiring Re
 porter Succumbed To A Hoax

department. always striving to do some thing bigger and better for its public, was able to render two distinct services.
 The first service was to ascertain whether recipients ever read the verses on Christmas cards and as result or the comprehensive survey it is prob able that cards will go out blank next year.
 Out of 100 people interviewed Wednesday 105 declared that they never look at the card. Sixteen admitted they always look at the pictures. Only four said that the verses meant anything to them. (It will be noted that the opin- ions printed far 6utnumber those in terviewed. Several of them spoke two or three times for publication and other changed their minds more than Once.l
 The next service was to delve into the realm of mendicancy since many of the heggars holding down streets corners in Wednesdays pleasant weather did thriving business. A close check on one old fellow with wooden leg ft the intersection of Nineteenth and Twen- tieth street showed that he had collected 20 cents in an honr ad half. Another vendor on Avenue E sold three pencils, a quart of moonshine, al the First National bank building in 15 minutes thereby proving what an agent of the Rockerfeller foundation fund said be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

Gooti realty investments are found through Age-Herald Want Ads.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
ELKS TO STAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY Poor Children Guests Of Club
 Thursday

The annual Elks' Christmas party is to be held at the Elks Home, Eighth avenue and Ninteenth street, at Z 50 o'clock Christmas afternoon, when the lodge is to play Santa Claus to over 400 poor children of Birmingham and vicinity.
 A mammoth tree has been placed fin the parlors of the home and the party is to be complete in every detail. Pres ents, including clothing, toys and candy, are to be distributed to the small guests by Santa Claus himself, in the person of W. T. Harrison. Mir. Harrison has played this role annually for the Elks for the past 15 years and came from Detroit, Mich, this year.
 A number of interesting and anus ing stunts are on the program, and music for the occasion is to be fur nished by the Elks' orchestra, under the leadership of Prof. Harry Moran.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
CITY TO DIVIDE CHRISTMAS CHEER. WITH THE NEEDY
Churches Plan Services;
 Business Stops For { Day
(Comtinued from page One)

(COmIlnu0O IrUm p8SC OHcD however, were slightly higher due to the stringency of the market. Eggs Necessary
 The punch bowl, which has long been associated with the Christmas season, will probably not be so much in evil dence this year although there were several business men who declared their intention of mixing a private bowl of egg nogg if fresh eggs could be found.
 The first of Christmas parties to herald the approach of the holiday sea- son occurred Tuesday evening. Stud ents, home from the universities, plan a round of festivities that have seldom been tied.
 Railroad men reported heavy migra- ton in and out of the city. Trains were generally running well within their schedules despite the cold weather. Ne groes were much in evidence among the passengers.
 Open Air Trees
 Open air Christmas trees will feature observance by many churches and so- cieties. One of the largest of these will be at the South Highlands Bap- tist at 2 80 o'clock when Rev. Roy Chandler and others are to distribute gifts to the destitute.
 St. Andrews Episcopal held their main service at Il 80 o'clock Wednes- day evening in the. form of the annual midnight celebration of the Holy Com munion. There will also. be a service of the Holy Communion at the church at Il o'clock Thursday morning with out music and sermon.
 One of the largest White Christmas" services will be held at the Fitst Meth odist church at 4 o'clock Thursday afternoon. A pageant, written by Mrs. Robert D. Mills, is to be staged by over 100 performers at this service.
 Other churches of the district are ex- pected to observe the holiday in appro- priate fashions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
POLICE HEADS
 GIVEN COAT

Police Chief Fred H. McDuff, was honored Christmas eve by members of his department with an overcoat.
 The gift was presented Wednesday morning by Judge Henry J. Martin, city recorder, at the conclusion of the chiefs annual Christmas party.
 When the gifts of oranges, apples and cigars and words of cheer had been passed around by the chief, the coat was presented. Judge Martin concluded an appropriate presentation speech with land it is our wish that this coat may keep your body as warm as your heart" ."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
TAXIS DELIVER
 PACKAGES FREE
Jenkins Announces Service To
 Public

Christmas gifts to poor and needy families will be delivered free of charge by the Red Top cabs, it was announced Wednesday by Henry Jenkins of the Jenkins Cab and Auto company. This free delivery was instituted year ago and proved to be such a success that Mir. Jenkins has decided to make it a yearly feature, he stated.
 "Those wishing to contribute to the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
QUIET HOLIDAY FOR COMMISSION City Heads Plan Simple Observance Of
 Christmas
Here's how Birmingham city commis- sinners will snend Christmas

Here's how Birmingham city commis- sioners will spend Christmas:
 President D. E. McLendon will sit by the fire in his Woodlawn home, smoke the new pipe his office staff gave him, eat turkey dinner with Mrs. McLendon and several visiting relatives, and incl dentally, study the annual audit report just submitted by the municipal audi tor.
 William l.. Harrison will try to boost his average as an expert marksman by hunting game in the wilds of Georgia, near little town called Brunson. He will continue the sport for a week and return to city hall December 20.
 W. E. Cloe will attend church services ner with his family, and crank up in the afternoon.
 W. E. Dickson has no particular plans for the day. I'll do whatever Mrs. Dickson decides on-I always do" he said. Mrs. Dickson was shopping late Wednesday and it was reported that Santa Claus first stop in North Bir- mingham would be at the Dickson house. hold.
 Mrs. Mary Echols, the only woman member of the governing body, will spend part of Christmas morning in her kitchen, supervising the preparation of the menu she will spread before her family shortly after noon. In the aft ernoon she and members of her family plan to visit some the city's precincts of poverty in an effort to brighten the Yuletide for some of the unofrtunates.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
YULE TREE PLANNED

5 MONTGOMERY, Ala, Dec. 24.- (Speciol )-The community Christmas tree erected through the efforts of Montgomery Post No. 2, American Leg ion will be a feature of the Christmas observance here. A huge Christmas tree has already been erected on Court Square from which toys and candy and other good things will be distributed to poor children of the city Thursday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
BAKERY TO HELP NEEDY FAMILIES Free Bread, Rolls And Crackers To Be
 Distributed

The American Bakeries company Will distribute bread, rolls and crackers to the needy of Birmingham at 3 o'clock Christmas morning thus assuring food to many persons of the city otherwise unprovided for, it was announced Wednesday afternoon.
 The bakery is making the offer un- conditional and the only requirement is that persons unable to provide for themselves be present at the bakery Avenue F and Twentieth street at 9 o'clock for generous supplies of the famous Merita products.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

happiness and Yuletide cheer of needy ones with the least trouble and incon- venience can phone Main 90 and Red Top cab will call and get the package and deliver it without charge" Mir. Jenkins said.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

Very that dramatically itself the of visuazed other fashion
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25
OyERSTREET JAILED

SHAWNEE, Okla, Dec. 2.-James Overstreet, alleged gentleman robber," today pleaded guilty to robbery with firearms in connection with the hold-up, December 10, of the Federal National bank here and was sentenced to 25 years in the state penitentiary by Superior Judge L. c. Pittman.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-25

Five Daily Trains to Atlanta
 Leave Birmingham 5:5O a. m.. 10:3o a. m, 2 80 p. m., 8 80 p. m., Il :50 p. m. Southern Railway System
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1924-08-22
By JACKSON GREGORY

In these days with women winning
championships in outdoor games and
athletic contests and successfully In
vading lines of endeavor that a past
generation had set apart exclusively
for men, Is 1t not logical to have a
heroine Of fiotion who takes a mans
part In the management OF big en-
terprise and brings to bear the quail
ties of courage, ooolness and daring
especially called for in making the un-
dertaking a suooess2 It Is decidedly
logical, particularly in the West where
girls on ranches are taught to shoot
straight, tame outlaw horses, brand
,oattle and in general respects be quail
ned not only to take care of them
selves, but to meet any exigency
calling for judgment and nerve.
were pretty thoroughly dtsgusted when
they learned they were to have girl
for boss. OPINIONS changed, however,
when a few Of Judith's quiet exploits,
performed under the stress Of neceS-
sity and without any bravado or sacri-
nce OF womanlinsss, proved her to be
the best man on the big ranch. Judith
did not seek the Job Of management.
It was forced upon her through the
death Of her father and her realisation
that her foreman was a rascal bent
upon wrecking the enterprise in the
interests Of q rival concern
1t was a stupendous job and the girl
who could handle 1t successfully de-
served to be the heroine of an exhil-
arating romance. judith is decidedly
welcome because sbe is new type OF
heroine. She Is all the more welcome
from the fact that she is not an exag-
gerated type. There are plenty Of girls
in the West and elsewhere who, given
such a grand old father to train them
as Judith had. would be able to show
the true steel which she exhibitedj
and, like Judith. would remain sweet
and womanly throughout. Judith will
win readers just as she won the Blue
Lake boys. 1t is only fair to reveal
that there was one Of those boys who
held out against surrender. He had
old-fashioned notions Of what wom-
an should be and what a woman can
do. With the exception of Judith, he
is the most interesting character In the
story.