The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-02-21
Loss Of Tail And Bark
By DR. FRANK CRANE

Tn. one think | regret, most keenly amonk tie things lost in the scramble upward nt evolution is the tail, unless it be the park Why is it that in the survival Of the fittests we Have retained the useless vermiform ana lost the useful caudAF appendage!
 The more you think of it the . more sne most desirable add much to-be -lamented member. Its especial value would he for ex- nressing certain emotions too simple or too subtle to be manifested by any means we now possess. For instance, pleasure-Just plain good feeling-how much more perfectly if could be shown by tail wagging than by words! By being compelled to squeeze all our emotions into grammatical forms or speech we grow bromidic, sink into platitudes and finally lose our more naive and dlrect feelings for lack of due ability to give them vent.
 Dogs are more loyal and loving than men because they don't have to talk about it. They just wag. Hence the sense of primitive af- lection keeps nHmally alive. ! There are feelings also too fine for other mediums When you are reading for ex- ample. and your wife speaks to you. and you neither wish to offend her by saying nothing. nor do you wish to let go the interest ing mage. how convenient it would be If you could just wag large busly tail, to indicate that you appreciated her presence, but wished she would kindly clear out.
 In conversation there often occur dull lapses, when one can think of nothing to say. What boon it would then be if by vigorously waggina ones tail one could indicate that the social instincts were still flowing, friendli- ness was still burning brightly, even If no sentences of nouns and verbs happened to come to mind
 A young lady likewise might indicate by tail wagging that her sentiments were mildly effgaged by young gentleman's personality. even if she had never been presented, and did not dare to go so far as to smile on him or to speak encouraging words.
 A minister or an actor could tell by the number of wags to the minute just how far he had his auditors with him. And for ex treme applause the bark would be handy. For what was the old-fashioned "Amen!' and "Hallelujah!' but a species of canine ulula- tien indicative of forceful approval by primal and unspoiled souls? [ Consider also how efficacious it would be if it were good form to howl when the pianist bored us, to growl when book agent ap- breaches us, to bark beneath the, adored ones window until she appeared and gave Iady-like yelp or two in answer, to give n sinister grumble when some one was going little too far, and then gently to wag the tail when he was on the right track! It is the eternal necessity of arranging our emo. tions in words and getting them into logical form that is our trouble. It is for this reason that some persons cease showing emo- ton altogether. We call them grumpy. They are not. They feel as much as do the lo- quacious. If they had tails they would wag them. As it is they are suppressed and dumb. 4 r
 The tail and bark were the organs of the simpler emotions With their falling off we have become complex, artificial and decadene. Evolution has trimmed us at both ends.