The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-02-18
The Once Over
Entitled. "Th. Great Oil Msnaee;" Or
By H. I. PHILLIPS

Es
 "It's Got Everybody Nervous. sc1
 The street car conductor was viAbty nervous. His eyebrows twitched. Ills ears wigeled, He clutched and unclutched his ,hands. Obviously he was under a great strain. A passenger touched nm m. on the shoulder.
 q am innocentv' declared the conduc- tor, jumping two feet.
 .sWhat's the idea?" asked the passen- ger. :,
 q never took penny from an oil man in my lifew shouted the conductor.
 -"Who said you did?" asked the pas senger. ,
 "Nobody," admitted the conductor "but I expect somebody to say so any minute.". ..ss..., x.
 "I've been following the testimony at Washington and I know very wei! lts only a question of time when everybody will be implicated"
 Goggins, the butchers clerk, was ln- tensely fidgety. He had just cut two 1in- gers off his right hand, without noticing the mistake, while carving half pound of bologna. A heavy thickset man stamped into the market and thrust paper into Goggin's hand.
 q can't got" cried Goggins, trembling like a decadent flivver. "I can't go!'
 Cant 70 where?" asked the big man.
 Before the Senate Committed" sob bed Goggins.
 "Who the blazes asked you to go be. fore any Senate Committed! thundered the big man.
 "This paper!' exclaimed Goggins, holding the one that had been thrust into his hand. "It's subpoena, ain't it!";
 Certainly not" returned the big man. "It's my wife's order for today's meat. She asked me to leave it with you on my way to the train."
 / Cornelius Coscob, owner and publisher of the Yapp Center Gazette & Clarion, was sitting at his desk writing powerful editorial on the incorruptibility of his paper and himself. His runabout stood outside the office.
 Abner Ogosh, the local petroleum dealer, alighted from his tank-wagon, opened the door of the editorial room quietly and shouted: sss
 "Any oil today?" ,e'
 The publisher jumped to his feet and pitched forward to the floor on his face. The coroner's jury gave verdict of heart failure due to general apprehension.
 Amos Q. Pipp, the man of stainless reputation, was found by his startled wife, his head in his hands, sobbing bit terly.
 "it's all up with usy' cried Amos.
 "What's the trouble?" demanded Mrs. Pipp. NAB.
 Were ruined! Disgraced! All is over" v
 "But explain" urged Mrs. Pipp. ''
 "Last night I sat in a little poker game" sobbed Amos. .-
 "Yes, yes, go on!' ,.,
 "There was one feller there l didn't know and I became very friendly with him."
 "What of it, Amos?"
 "Ive since found out his sisters aunt had a cousin who was on speaking terms with friend of a man who ran the 'ele- vator in the building in which Harry Sin clair has his office They'll have me on the witness stand in Washington inside of "A hours!'
 Webster Woofus walked into the dis trict attorney's office this morning, threw a smoking pistol on his desk and gave himself up.
 q just killed man," he announced:
 What for?" asked the district attor- ney.
 "He addressed to me remark which h for some years has meant nothing par ticularly offensive but that now has be- come the one insult no red-blooded cit izen of the United States can stand"
 What was it?"
 "It was: What fine oil can you've grown up to be!' explained Webster.
 P. S. The district attorney congratu- lated him and turned him free after giv- ing him bigger and better pistol.