The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1924-02-23
xxx (continued)

] not played the game as adroitly
as themselves, and II had per.
mitted them to feel sure ,of me.
The last thing any OF them wanted
was depth of feeling. tragic pas.
sion. My. most desperate
affair was my last-after q long in.
tervaL was In my early
forties. l had thought myself too
utterly disillusioned ever to i'm.
agine myself In love again. Men
are gross and ridiculous creatures
in the main. and aside from my
personal dtsappointments, l thought
it was time for that chapter Of my
life to finish. l was amusing my.
self with diplomatic intrigue.
was in the Balkans at the time,
that breeding ground OF war mi.
crobes, and was interested in q
very delicate situation in which
played q certain part.
The awakening was violent. He
was an Austrian, with an i'm portant
place In the Government; he came
to Belgrade on private mission.
He was q very great person in
many ways, and l think l really
loved him, for he seemed to me
entirely worthy OF 1t. He certain.
ly was mad enough about me for q
time-for q year. to be exact.
When he returned to Vienna it was
not difficult for me to find an ex.
cuse to 60 also. Although Eat.
tiany was q Hungarian. he never
Visited his Hungarian estates ex.
cept for the boar hunting, and
spent his time when on leave, or
between appointments, in Vienna,
where he had inherited q palace
I must tell you that the city resi-.
dence Of a nobleman in the Dual
Empire was always called q palace,
however much it might look like q
house.
Il shall always remember this
man with . certain pleasure and re-
spect. for he is the only man who
ever made me suffer. A woman
forgets the lovers she has dis.
missed as quickly as possible.
Their memory is hateful to her,
like the memory of all mistakes.
But this man made me suffer hor.
ribly. (He married a young girl,
out Of duty to. his House, and un.
expectedly fell in love with her,
Therefore, although / recovered,
and completely. still do I some.
times dwell with a certain cynical
pleasure on the memory of him"
Have you never seen him
asked Clavering sharply.
He had returned to his chair.
How long ago was that?" ~
Quite sixteen years ago. did.
not visit Vienna again for several
years; in fact. not until after my
death. when l returned
there to live. But by that time I
had lost both youth and beauty.
His wife had died, but left him an
heir, and he showed no disposition
to marry again: certainly he was
as. Indifferent to me as / to him.
We often met. and as he respected
my mind and my knowledge of Eu.
affairs, we talked politics
together. and he sometimes asked
my advice.
"But to go back. After that was
over I determined to put love def.
nitely out of my life. believed
then and finally that I had not the
gift Of inspiring love-, nor would
ever risk humiliation and suffer
Ing again. played the great game
Of life and politics. was still
beat1tlful--for few years--1 had
sn increasingly great position, all
shel advantasea, obvious and subtle,
Mat money could procure. Ny
maid was, very clever My gowns,
as time went or. We're % mag
nificent simplicity:, all frou-frous
were renowned + had DO mind 20
invite the valuation Iheard applied
TO certain American women in
Paris: 'eIdery and .dressy'
C1avering laughed for the first
lime II wonder you ever made
OF any sort. I also won.
der II you are type as well as an
Individual? ! have. I think. FOL-
lowed intelligently your psychologi.
cal involutions and convolrtions 50
far. ! am only hoping you will not
get beyond my depth, What was
your attitude toward your past mis-
takes-beyond what you have told
me? Did you suffer remorse. as Z
am told women do when they
sither voluntarily renounce or are
permitted to sin no more?"
~ neither regarded them as mis-.
takes nor did I suffer remorse.
Every human being makes what
are called mistakes and those. hap
pened to be mine. Therefore I
dismissed them to the limbo Of the
-. AS your world,
I am told, looks upon you as the
coming dramatist. It may appeal to
your Imagination to visualize thatS|
,ecret and vital and dramatic under.
current Of what, was on the surface
4 proud and splendid life. i
Or. II there are regrets. It IL for
the weight Of memories, the com.
pleteness OF disillusion, the Staying
81 mental youth-which cannot sur
1--WE brutal facts. a 81
II think that for women of my
sype-what, may pc called the intel
lectual STREET.-THE lover phase IL
inevitable. We are goaded not