The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-15
He Discusses Law
and Lawyers


type Of whom the late Ambrose
Blerce once wrote.
The poor bedeylied orator strives In
vain
To sim tho unruly crier Of his
brain.
The more he rocks the cradle Of his
chin.
The more uproarious grows the brat
within.
ibid you ever hear one Of these
birds use the Phrase: Turnout the
United states7' You bet you didn't.
But you have all heard him say.
From the pine.ciad hills Of Maine
to the sunny shores Of California
from tho Great Lakes 20 the Ever
glades Of Florida who first called
the flag fancy names7 Cheap law
yes with running-off at the
mouth. II costs us millions OF dol.
Lars every year 10 print that sort OF
claD.trnp IN the Congressional Rec.
ord ana millions more 10 carry II
thru the malls and inflict II on the
suckers that nre responsible. who
are ourselves What l want 10 know
is: why do we permit itT'
That's simple one 20 answer.
cappy. There's nobody else 10 do Il
for US except professional political
lawyers. Nobody else gets into the
game. 30 We pick what we think is
the best Of bad lot and let Il go
at that"
II suppose" cnppy continued
wrnihfully. that we get what we
deserve and that these bowling der.
wishes exist In obedience 10 a very
natural lhw-ihat Of supply and de
mand. We are a people who want a
lot for our money or for our time;
consequently. when we turn out dur.
Ing political campaign 10 hear 20.
llticnl issues discussed we regard az
a boob the man who discusses them
directly and TO tho point. disposes OF
his argument In half an hour and
thanks US for our courtesy in listen
Ing 20 him. what We want 10 the
Observation-Disclosures type OF orator,
who mentions George Washington In
his opening sentence. dwells sadly on
the bloody footprints, holds up
Thomas jefferson for the democracy
10 admire, weepa over Abraham Lin.
coin. gives Great Britain what Paddy
gave the drum, Notwithstanding the
fact that we have been on speaking
terms with Great Britain for iif
years. more or less. gulps down n
pitcher OF ice water. mops his brow.
asks the audience 20 vote for him
and reminds them that. no matter
what tho decision at the polls may
be. HE will not DO embittered, but
viii keep plugging on for THE
RIGHT.
This sort OF verbal slop never
fails 10 bring bowls Of unndultorated
delight from the morons who are
too busy to do their own thinking.
md as a result the gabby one Is
swept into office. whether he be run.
ming for the senate or for trustee
of country school. After he gets
in once It's practically impossible 10
get rid OF him unless he does some
thing; 30 he does nothing except
como up for reelection.
'of late / have been trying 20
read tho proposed income tax laws.
but every time I tackle Il / get lost
In a Jungle of yerbIage; then / fly
into q rage and cannot sec anything
thru my tearB. 30 / hand the copy
over 10 my secretary. who translates
Il into simple deciaratlve sentences
and types u out for mo. / can I'M
dcrstand plain English. but I'll be
shot n can understand lawyers
English. No pup chasing his own
tall can become moro involved with
his subject than the political lawyer
who winds up his wrist 10 become
the author OF "A bill.
II often think should like TO
live long enough TO see some simple.
sane. non.legal man dominate the
congress long enough TO enact n law
forbiddlng lawyers to hold office and
outlnwing the official use OF adjec-
tiyes. phrxes and clauses: in word
business before oratory. And
wouldn't II DO great IL some con.
gresham or senator so far forgot
himself as 20 remember that he Is
being paid TO do something for his
country's good. and not that OF his
party. The other day when / read
about the proposed low income tax
rates and exemptions as to earned In.
comes being designed TO relieve the
farmer, / grew i'll at the stomach.
One would think that the farmers OF
this country have been in the habit
OF paying income taxes since the
postwar doflationi However. / dare
say the poor bankrupt devils will
thank congress for this implied com.
pliment and. in fact. be so grateful
they will continue TO keep in office
the lawyers who know lot about
politics and nothing about ecosom.
les
Cappy gloomily peeled himself an
apple. He kept growing into his
whiskers for several minutes. like an
old dog reminisclng OF rats; then
suddenly an April smile broke thru
the winter OF his old face and he
chuckled.
when lawyers discover they can.
not make office rent In private prac.
tice, they seek election TO the job of
police magistrate he went on.
This is the best method OF making
friends. All the magistrate has to
do is dismiss cases OF arrest for
speeding and other attractions Of the
traffic laws. and in the fullness OF
time q grateful constituency will
elect him to higher court. Here,
II he is wise, he will fight the di.
vorce evil tooth and toe.nail and
scrap like n ficnd over every dollar
OF expense in the accounting OF the
administrators of estates; also he
will, at every opportunity. appoint
poorly paid newspapormen apprais.
ers OF estates in which nobody de.