The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-08-12
Tough Luck
How I Lost Gertrude, My Pet Giraffe

(by Dr. Walter E. Traprock)
 The newspaper notice that baby giraffe was expected at the zoo of our neighboring city cannot fail to remind me of my Ger trude,
 s. She was the loveliest creature have ever seen. brought her with me in 1902 from a I South African trip made for the museum By kindness had trained her so that she would allow me to shin up her neck when we were in the bush. From this elevation I could get splendid view of the surrounding coun- try.
 It was after had gotten her back to my private collection that my troubles began. Some of my neighbors complained that Ger trude used to look in their second-story win dows. Therefore had to lock her in a com pound which housed, also, an old porcupine named Gelett, Between the two sprang up bitter feud. Gelett doubtless resented the way Gertrude looked down on him.
 One day Gelett took up a strategic position in a cherry-tree in which Gertrude was fond of browsing l was just in time to see him drop down her neck as she reached her gap ing mouth towards a branch He instantly crawled past her larynx and wedged himself just south of the glottiSE Gertrudes coughing spasms were tremendous but, try as she would, she could not dislodge Gelett. Once she had him almost up to the exit, but he suddenly shot out his quills and dug in. could see them sticking through the tender skin of her gullet. Nothing could save Ger trude. She turned blue in the face and ex- pired.
 Gelett was executed the next day. I had to decapitate Gertrude to get him. Who says that animals are not possessed of human emotions2 Big Difference
 Mrs. Click: Then she doesn't know Miss Swift to speak top
 Mrs, Clark Not quite Only well enough to talk about. Mrs. Jack Robbins.
 It is safer to lie about some people than to tell the truth about them. The Long Trail Mother: And what are you going to do with the five-dollar-bill you received for your birthday"
 Tommy: "I'm going to give it to Chubby Sanders next door" | Mother: "WhyT
 Tommy: He promised to make me secre- tary of the treasury when he becomes presi. dent of the United States. Mrs. H. Fisher,
 Dry Rag Flutterings A guest at the hotel approached the desk yesterday and asked of the day clerk: What is the best time of day to go fishing?' We'll sir,' the clerk replied, If were you I'd go down by the railroad bridge about the time when the evening train runs.'
 When then?" the guest asked.
 Because" was the clerks reply, 'the fish hear the train whistle and come up there to get the scraps the chef dumps off the dining car."-Jay B. Iden.
 Rules for Poetry
 Editor of Fun Shop to Contributor: You will have to cut out that line about bare branches bathed in moonlight
 Array them in silent majesty. You may also suggest, for the sake of propriety, that there are verdure-clad hills in the distance"
 5ass Wanted
 T cannot sing the old songs," l The ancient actor sobbed
 T cannot sing the old songs I surely would be mobbedn
 The chap who is always boasting about his string of girl friends is apt to get tied in knot when he is least expecting it. tCOpyright, 1894. Reproduction forbiddsn
 
 ONE THING ASSURED l We see that Frank w. Mondell is going to r'Hke the speech notifying President Coolidge of his nomination, so we guess