davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Well Known,

Man lin court)-A public character?
I should say l am! Why, l haven't
paid my taxes without being sued for
the last 81 years London Tit-Bits.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Returned WITH Thanks.

Shell suppose every profession has
its drawbacks?
He--Yes, and the drawbacks Of the
literary profession are the ~comebacks.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
a Few ONLY.

Stranger-Rastss, do the people who
live across the road from you keep
chickens?
Rastus-Dey keeps some of 'em,
sab.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Agreed.

Lets go walkin,' Miss Johnsing, l
feels kinda pedestrian tonight" "All
right. 1 feels kinda walkative nah
own self."-Nashville Tennesseean.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

Customer-Do you guarantee these
trousers all woOl2
Tailor-Weil. thir, I Won't dethieve
you-the bHttonth it'll brath.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
The New Clerk.

Young Squlbb-I van 10 try on that
suit in the window.
Clerk-Sor5y. sir but you'n have to
use the dressing
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

Stude: '""The more | read on the
subject the less seem to know about
it" Professor: q see that you've been
reading a great deal.'-Boston Trans
eript.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Lots of Them.

us golf a difficult game to learnF'
at is. l know some men who have
been playing it for years and they
haven't learned the rules yet"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

| sing of the bean, the onion meek,
The rutabaga and the leek.
For them my admiration grows,
Too many people sing the rose.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
unconNinced

Wilie-Do they call Sunday a day
of rest?
Mother-Yes, dear.
Willie-Where?-Life.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Personal Exnerlence.

PROFESSIONALISM are known as the
Dark Ages. Egbert9
Egbert-From eighteen TO twenty
five. sir.-Sun Dial
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Took a Lot on Himself

did he ask Miss Stout to sit on his
knee?"
Eyes, and l thought he was taking a
good deal upon himself"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Hard Lines.

The leader of the cheering crew
Raised loud his voice in song
A beetle flew right in his moutt
And all the notes went wrong.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

She's a very intellectual person"
That so?" Eyes. She writes papers
on Browning and Keats that nobody
else in our literary club a under
stand Detroit Free Press.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Soma of Cheer.

Why should we mind the weather.
And why should we repine?
We're in this world together
Praise God for rain or shine.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
It Would. Indeed.

If we could only wash our minds
And hang them on the line.
Then put them on all sweet and clean
Now. wouldn't that be nne?
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
THE BUG COP

Bug Cop-Hey, you move on.
Bug Bug-What you got to do with
1t?
Bug Cop-A lot-Tm the officer on
this beet.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

Eminent Specialist: $50 you went to
a general practitioner. What fool adj
vice did he give your" She: ooh, he
told me to see a specialist Judge
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Suspiclous.

"That office boy doesn't whistle,
smoke. cuss or read dime novels"
Guess we'd better ere him. He
must be planning to crack the safe"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

The P~leasantville Press comes to you
as an old friend end neighbor, telling
you all the home news while the city
dailies enter your house as a stranger
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
MAKING Ii INTELLIGENT.

Old Man-It took the wind out of
his sails.
His Son-You mean 1t took the air
out of his tires, don't your
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
GREAT HUNT

Mr.. Bug-But 200 apple seeds a
month is too much rent.
Mrs. BugI know, my dear. but we
can eat the house when we leave.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

D~isagreeable in Both Ways.
na-Tommy spent that quarter you
gave him for green apples, and now
Pa-Now, I suppose he knows what
1t Is to be cramped for money.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Soft.

Whatever trouble Adam had.
No man in days of yore
Could say when he had told a joke;
I've heard that one before"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Safe One.

what do you think is the populaI
attitude toward evolution"
Don't care"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
OF Course.

Louise-So they burned incense at
the party last night? How nice. What
kind did they burn. dear?
Phyllis-Scandalwood.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Good Value.

The florist, 1t is plain enough,
Provides good values with his stuff.
He hands you out your moneys worth
With every plant you get the earth.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

For All the news all the time" OF
Pleasantville and vicinity. read The
Pleasantville Press.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

For the news accurately stated. sub
scribe for he Pleasantville Press.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
Has ouarrelsome Neiohbors.

She-Why have you never married.
Don't you believe hat two can live
as cheaply as one?
He-Perhaps, but not as peaceably
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01

The young lady across the way says
nicotine is a deadly poison, and if peo-
pie must smoke they ought always TO
nse cigarette holders.
% by Mcclure Newspaper syndieate.)
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
scoRNED THE SOCIAL LEADER

man has been ar. ested for theft.
thought he had climbed into society,""
Yes, by way of rainspout and back
porch"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1924-03-01
NO Am BITloN

10 ZInU -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
PUT WOOLENS
AWAY
BY Hannah Wing

AYOW that summer is on the
~ way, the washing OF
wooIens, the putting away
Of heavy rugs and drapperies, and
the fitting in Of screens in their
place are in order.
This is the time too, when the
furnace should have attention.
A good inspection now Is a good
fire and trouble preventative.
Any difficulties can be corrected
now when there is less rush for
this kind Of work.
Pipes in hot water and steam
furnaces need inspection as well
as the boilers. If changes to the
new non-knocking and quick heat
ing radiator valves are to be made,
the summer is the best time to
do 1t. Drawing off all the water
from the Nesting system. flushing
out all sediment and deposit and
filling the boiler with clear, fresh
water is recommended.
The objection to hot air fur
naces Is that dust spreads through
the house from the hot air pipes.
Some of this dust turks just be.
meath the registers and may be
removed by lifting the registers
and inserting the hose of the
vacuum cleaner and sucking out
the dirt. This dust at least will
not have a chance to float
through the house next winter.
When 1t comes to washing the
woolens, use soft water IL pos.
sible and II not soften the hard
water with ammonia or borax so
that a good suds may be secured.
Keep all waters at an even tenn.
perature, warm but not too hot
and use a pure, mild soap dis.
solved in hot water before 1t is
added to the wash water. Soak
the woolens well and move them
about in the water with a gentle
agitating motion rather than
briskly rubbing them.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
HFRus444|{;sl@mu
[&1x1fTE4B Y$1fRm%
THEY MEET A LITTLE HERMIT ON THE BEACH

? kept our eyes riveted on the two
shells.
Suddenly they began to move.
A conk-shell and a periwinkle
shell moving certainly was a sur.
prise to me.
II didn't know they had the
power Of locomotionv' I exclaimed
to myself. and knew that Bobby
was thinking the same thing as
his eyes grew larger and larger.
Then something happened.
Right before our eyes the little
shell rolled over. It was empty!
But at the same time 1 saw a
great claw drawn into the conk.
shell and close over the opening
like a trap-door.
Bunny looked at US and winked
his pink eye. Then hoped
over to us.
Moving day in the hermit.
crabs life" he chuckled.
What are you talking about?'
I laughed.
You saw a great sight, Foxy
Grandpa" said Bunny. THAT
hermit-crab had grown too big
for his house-you know he is
born without any protection and
moves into somebody else's
house, don't you? But when he
gets too big for his house. he
moves into larger quarters.
That's Just what you saw"
II couldn't see him at ALL"
"Nor anyone else" chuckled
my little rabbit. HE moves one
house close up to the other and
steps into it as quick as a wink.
IF human beings could do that
the moving-van people would have
to go out Of business, wouldn't
they?" I laughed as leaned
down to examine the newly-occu.
pied residence Of the little hermit.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20

XII We got something on my
hook" Bobby softly ex-
claimed, pulling in his
line gently.
Up it came and we all leaned
over the side of the boat to see
what the prize was.
tits only a periwinkle. But
didn't know a little fellow with a
shell like that would bite, any
more than clam would" he
announced.
But at that very moment the
shell loosened its hold or at least
what was in it loosened its grip
and we saw floating off in the
water something that looked like
tiny lobster.
Wasn't a periwinkle at all!'
exclaimed Bobby. There's some.
thing else was in that shell.
wonder what it is"
I'm all probability a hermit
crab" Bunny announced in his
best professor tone.
Hermit-crab" said Bobby. "I'd
certainly like to see one"
You'll be fortunate If you ever
do" said Bunny. "A periwinkle
is about as hard to see as the
president. But you may have
luck some day. I'll keep on the
lookout for one Of the little fel.
lows"
That was enough. would
have made a wager with anyone
that sooner or later Bunny would
arrange matters so that Bobby
would have his wish and see a
hermit-crab. For Bunny never
makes anything thar even sounds
like a promise without making
good.
And he didn't fall down this
time. 1t was only few weeks
after this incident that we were
lying out on the beach one lovely
afternoon when Bunny came hop
ping up and raising his right paw
in a warning gesture said:
"Be very quiet and follow me.
Stop when give the signal, and
don't say a word
Up Bobby and got and walked
along the beach as carefully as IL
we had been walking on thin ice,
Bunny leading the way.
Up to clump of grass he led
us. There he stopped and mo-
toned for us to hide ourselves be-
hind the grass. Then we waited.
When we were absolutely quiet,
Bunny nodded his head and point
ed to the beach. / didn't see any
thing remarkable about the perl
Wrinkle shell and the conk-shell Nv.
Ing there side by side, but Bunny
gave me mysterious look as he
pointed to them. So Bobby ana ]
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
WHEN IN
DOUBT
BY Cornelius Beekman-
Acknowledging Gifts.

'@N-9@@A0
~ EAR IRIS. BEECKMAN:
VIII you kindly advise
~ me IL it Is customary to
acknowledge by letter gifts re-
ceived at an engagement party
or should the engaged girl rise
at the table and make a little
speech to her friends thanking
them. Also. what should she say
and does that speech include a
toast to her fiance? e. C. L.
All gifts should have q personal
and very special acknowledge
ment. The necessarily rather
casual and blanket" thank-you
that can be given at a party of
this sort is not enough. This is
thanking the group and not the
individuals. 1t is delightful for
the engaged young lady to rise
and thank the guests for their
friendliness. She could say,
THANK you very, very much for
the wondrous happiness that you
have given me to celebrate so
beautifully my engagement. You
have given me a precious mem.
ory. What dear friends you are
to me! You plan and give a
glorious party and then you load
me with gifts. 1 wish that Jack
were here to see how happy you
and he have made me. Thank
you with all my heart"
The day after the party you
should write a gracious and
friendly note to each friend who
had such a fine thought Of you
and thank her for that thought,
and for the generous expression
Of that thought in tho gift that
she brought to you, mention the
gift by name, don't vaguely say
''your gift'D and interpret it,
tell Of its beauty or usefulness,
or both.
It is enough to include the
name Of the fiance, and 1t would
I think, seem a bit forced to of.
fer a toast to him.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
Read This Entertaining Serial in Which
the Author Has Woven a Thrilling
Romance Of the Problems
Of Married Life.

ing. He feels that it's q. danger.
GUS thing to do, but that the
shock Of his fathers death will
likely bring Park to himself
.'Please. If I'm not imperti!
nent-couldn't you keep it from
Mr.. Parkinson until he's strong
err" asked Irma. won't 1t i'm.
balance his mind completely to
have another shock?"
"The doctor says it won't" ex-
planned Ralph, kindly.
II wouldn't want the job Of tell.
ing him, though" said Irme with
a flare Of the stubbornness she
often displays.
isn't it my job?'' asked Mabel
suddenly.
''Your job" Irma and I gasped
almost in the same moment.
And in the next second Ralph
protested:
mot yours, Mabel!'
But Mabel leaned forward in
her chair and smiled with some
thing luminous in her clear gray
eyes.
II can't shift the responsibility
to you, Ralph. The man I mar
ried struck Park down. To-
morrow when Parks father Is
carried to his last resting pla.e,
the son who adored him will be
lying here-helpless. And when
Parks mind is clear enough for
him to know the truth I must
be the one to tell him."
you're furnishing yourself too
heavily said Ralph CURLY.
Tine not Furnishing myself"
said Mabel. Listen-all of you.
No matter what the world says,
no matter what I have to go
through, the rest Of my life, be-
longs to Park. If he's smashed
he'll need me. If he's we'll
he'll need me anyway. I never
mean to let him feel alone again."
You're right, Mabel" said
Ralph at last. Its your job
your right and your privilege 20
share all Parks burdens from
now on. Only promise tht:-
that you won't speak until DR..
King says you may"
II promise" said Mabel. eff
there's any peace for Park, he
shall have it. I won't wake him
to the hatred he's bound to feel
for Bonnie Buchanan until
must. But I want a promise
from each Of you in turn"
you have it," cried.
Mabel went on quickly.
This word hasn't been spoisen
between us before. But you all
know. I'm going to divorce Bon
bright Buchanan. You'll all mp
me-won't you? You won't try
to stop me. I want to get a
lawyer at once. I want to have
him collect the evidence. It won't
be hard to get" She smiled
sadly. II want the lawyer to
serve Bonnie with the papers
to enter suite do all there IS
to do without delay. I'm going
to take care Of Park, and I want
the right to do it,
Mabel" answered Ralph quick
ly and with a note Of bitterness
in his voice, II knew this wos
coming. But Bonbright Buch.
anan isn't the one to make it
easy for you-even now. He's
gone. His yacht has sailed again.
And no one knows where he's
bound"
"Bonnie's goner' gasped Mabel.
II might have known he wouldn't
make it-easy for me. Do you
think he's just running away
in terror Of what he did to Park?"
do your" asked Ralph.
II think he's running away from
what he knows I'm bound to do
at last" said Mabel bitterly. HE
won't even let me get free"
That's too cruel" protested
Irma.
(TO Be Continued Tomorrow
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
By Ann Isle,
Whose Serials Of Married LIE
Have Won . Big Popular

Nv 10: :.:,. !, : ::': s,':' =. .
- bells question and re.
alizing that it brought us face
70 face with one Of the most ter
rible results Of Bonnie Buchan.
ans brutality.
Haven't you realized that the
moment Park has one flash of
sanity he'll insist on going to his
father?'' demanded Mabel.
Il suppose that's why Ralph
wanted to be here tonight" I
answered slowly.
eyes, I think Ralph means to
take the burden on his shout.
ders," replied Mabel. "It's like
Ralph. Still hope Park won't
come to himself tonight
''He couldn't 60 to the funeral
tomorrow" I added, following
Mabers train of thought.
$50 in spite Of the suspense
we've got to bear I hope Park
won't wake tonight" repeated
Mabel thoughtfully. "I'd rather
cit and fear that Parks never
going to be himself than have
him go through tomorrow, know
ing"
"Shall we talk this over with
Ralph" I asked.
81 know the answer" Mabel
said gently. "But I'd like to
have Ralph decide. lame, you
might think it would be better
for me to have Irma Warren out
Of the way before we have our
discussion. But want her to
60 through this to the end.
think she needs this"
1t was not until after dinner,
however. that Mabel introduced
the subject so near to her heart.
Then, when we were all estab-
lished in the living room waiting
for DR.. King to come out of the
room where he was working over
Park, Mabel turned to Ralph with
the question which had been
trembling on the tip Of her tongue
all through our meal.
"As soon as Park is conscious
again h0 will be asking for his
father" she said by way Of pre-
liminary.
"Of course" agreed Ralph. IT
went into that with DR.. King in
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
OMELETTES
WITH APPLE
BY Alice Langelier-

In the land of omeletteS the
French chef makes a very good
one with apples.
Peel and remove seeds from
two large apples. Cut into small
slices and brown in butter.
Mix six eggs with a spoonful
Of flour and a small amount OF
sugar melted in a little milk.
Beat all together and pour over
the apples in a hot frying pan.
Bake as usual and serve at once.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
WHO SAID IT
AND WHERE

"His faith perhaps in some wise
tenets might
Be wrong; his life, I'm sure, was
In the right"
Ones life rather than his belief
is what really matters, CowIey
wrote in his poem on the death
Of Cranshaw.
BE thou, in rebulxing evil,
Conscious Of thy own"
Whittier gives this sage counsel
IN What the Voice Said"
How poor are they that have not
patience!
What wound did ever heal but by
degrees?"
Shakespeare in these words from
"othello" praises the virtue of
patience.
Copyright, 1894, by King Features
Syndicate, Incl
A machine perfected recently
will measure the 10000, O0Oth
part Of an inch.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
Jupiter Nearer

:, The huge planet, Jupier, which
has drawn about $4,000, 900 miles
nearer the earh since April 1.
is now rising so early that it
appears well up in the east by
9 p. M 1t is in Ophiuchus, be.
tween Scorpio and Sagittarius.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
A Courtesy to Women
nEAR MRS. BEECKMAN:

II q gentleman who Is with
a lady meets a man who is
alone, I believe it is proper for
the latter to- raise his hat. But
should the man who is walking
with the lady tip his hat, also?
If 1t is proper for him to do so?
Why? G. C.
Yes, both gentleman should
raise their hats. This is a cour-
tesy that a gentleman pays to
all the women.
BY the way, the expression
"tip" the hat is not in good use
1 realize that, in your second sen.
tence, you used this word to
avoid repeating raise" but II
would be better either to repeat
raise" or to say take off" his
hat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
WHEN DID IT
HAPPEN?

1. When was Radcliffe College,
Cambridge, Mass, founded?
2. When did Scanderbeg the AL.
bantam patriot, live?
8. When was the British order
of st. Michael and st. George in.
stituted?
4. When were North and South
Carolina made royal colonies?
S. When did Peter the Great, of
Russia, live in England?
Answers to These Queries Will Be
Printed Tomorrow.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
Try This

After frying or any other
greasy cooking has been done
rub the top Of the stove with
old newspaper or brown paper.
1t will prevent the smell Of the
cooking hanging about for hours,
and make the stove easier 70
polish with blacklead.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20

Who will not insist doing out his carfare him.
Who will not seek his appetite direct his diet
nor to regulate his meal hours "for his good"
Who will not strive to Improve his by dragging him to
hghbrow plays when he yearheth for the resu sight
beauty chorus
Who will not demand the right choose
his cravats and order the number Of his shavings.
Who will not his pipe cigars and clean his
desk and fling his old shoes and among
linen. =
Who will appropriate his hoehorn his razor nor his
cigarettes ANYTHING that is his!
Who will demand and drive him to the IN
venon OF fiction whatsoever he is half
Who will not him with suspicious whatsoever his gaze
VANDERBILT toward the blonde in vamp's clothing.
Who will establish censor of his letters an in
vesgang committee his pasmes keeper Of his conscience
and guardian of his digestion.
YEA verify verify this is the Impossible IDEAL which every
bachelor seeketh in his heareven who will LET
ALONE!
And until he fndeth such shall lure him
into atrimony than to get fapper into
church or number six foot into a number two shoe!
SELAH!
Copyright 1924 by King Features Syndicate.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
Mirror Polish

An excellent polish for mirrors
can be made by pouring boiling
water over used tea leaves and
straining off the liquid. e This
should be bottled and applied to
the mirrors with a soft flannel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
Safe!
Perspiration
Odors Banished
New Safe Way

No longer need you use chemical
aoodorants which close the pores, dam
age the clothing and often cause serious
irritation. At last there is a simple new
way to Danish all Precipitation and Body
doors easily, quickly and safelyl Abso-
lutte protection in 80 seconds and every
trace Of odor gone for 50 hoursI
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20
ANSWERS
to Yesterdays Questions.

<A4N0VV A11SO
to Yesterdays Questions.
!. Myles Standish Of early New
England fame, was born about
1884, and died in 1856.
2. Heinrich Won Nielsen, the
first meistersinger, flourished at
the beginning Of the fourteenth
century.
8. e. M. Stanton was U. S. Sec.
Rotary Of War from 1852 to 1868.
4. Louis Pasteur, the famous
scientist, died September 20, 1895.
s. Catharine Parr married
Henry VIII in 1543.
Copyright, 1894, King Features
Syndicate, Incl.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20

medicinal extract
which has the mar
velous power Of dis
solving, removing
and preventing all
Precipitation odors.
Use Chex just az
you would other fine
toilet soaps--for
face, bath, shampoo.
Chex does not close
the pores, does not
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-20

Owe usually does shout camor Love is tmid and
AFRAID lest the hear and
the earth Eyes speakwhat words? might
wen try explain delicate musical fantasy the
the heart But speak the language Of the soul
and Shkespeares could expressive of