The Monmouth inquirer., 1924-08-28
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Bimkins at Large

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81 can, too!"declared Bimkins. He
said it defiantly, much as an injured
small boy would have said it. Bim-
kins' wife insists that he is nothing
but small boy anyhow.
She regarded him now reproyingly.
you never got a meal in your Iife,"
she reminded him. You can't find
your collar when it is staring you
straight in the face. In short, you are
glittering example of the most sue
cessful kind of helpless man. TG as
soon think of turning a 3-year-old
loose to play on the railroad track as
to let you go over to Michigan alone
to camp out in a summer cottage that
has been shut up all winter! Write
to florist to go there and set out
those shrubs and look after the gar
den!"
Bimkins politely snorted. His blood
was up. He had to refute his wifes
remarks about him or die in the at
tempt.
Il am goingl" he said. And he did
He teIephoned from downtown to
the effect that he was taking the night
boat across the lake. To his wife's
wild queries as to his plans for get
ting food for himself. he loftily replied
that he would attend to all such
things. Later he called her up again
to get full directions about making
coffee.
Mrs. Bimkins groaned. "Don't try
it," she begged. Boil up some tree
bark, If you must. because you can't
poison yourself with that-but with
that stove-why, sometimes even
can't work it. You'd better make teal"
"Coffee!" roared Bimkins, violent :
ly. 81 will make coffee" That was
his last word.
He was gone three days. When he
returned he looked singularly chas-
tened, and he ate meal which was a
wonder in the matter of bulk.
ooh. got along beautifully" Bim-
kins insisted. ~The stove? Well. of
course, if you insist on having a tin
sardine box and calling it stove
that's your lookout. but am going to
purchase suitable stove before / go
over there again. That stove you
have is entirely devoid of intelli-
gence! / stuffed 1t full of paper and
wood and lit it and coaxed and argued
with it and petted 1t up and then it
took two hours to get the blamed
thing hot enough to boil water! L"
gfDidn5f Won oman ho dro ftc
Bimkins blinked. "Drafts?" he in
quired. What are they? Gas stoves
don't have 'em. Why should wood
stoves? No. didn't open the drafts.
All the dishes in the pantry were dus-
ty. don't see why they should get
dusty in the country with nobody
around-I suppose you left 'em that
way last fall. And / should think
you'd have known that woodpile left 4
outdoors all winter would be wet"
There is always dry wood in the
woodbox back of the stove" said Mrs.
Bimkins, Didn't you look for it,"
81 was too busy" replied Bimkins.
frowning. "The pump wouldn't work,
either. l had to carry water from the
lake in pail six blocks to prime it
each time. l."
why didn't you ask the caretaker
to turn on the running water?"
"Oh!" said Bimkins, blankly. 81
never thought. Yes, of course. had
food! took over lot of stuff in my
suitcase from delicatessen store
oh, eggs and butter and rolls and cold
ham and pickles and potato salad and
stuff like that. But, somehow. al
though had too much of everything,
there never seemed to be anything to
eat but crackers and cheese. Anyhow.
l couldn't find any forks and things to
eat with, and / don't like kitchen
knives and spoons. oh, you say the
silver was hid in the turnip table?
How should / know that? All / could
find was big spoon with holes all
through it-oh, that was a cake beat
er? Well, l drank coffee with it. Oh,
my coffee was fine. Tasted like sure
enough coffee. But, say, what makes
Jumps Of stuff and little hard things
float all around in It? 1t was such a
pale yellow, too, instead of brown like
this.
81 found some oatmeal, and as
could get plenty of cream l thought
I'd have some, but think it was spoil
ed, it swelled up so.
where in creation do you hide the
bedclothes? / went all over the yard
looking for some likely spot where
you might have dug hole and buried
'em. for they aren't in the house. Oh.
in that packing trunk in the bedroom?
No, didn't open it. never heard
before of putting anything in trunk
but clothes. slept under rugs off the
floor.
Eyes. uncovered the fern border
as you told me to. pulled all the dry
leaves off by hand very carefully.
There were lot Of fuzzy. woolly gray
things sticking UP, too, and got
those all cleaned out nicely, also
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