davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Tom Sims Says

A British woman writer says
women can't understand men Well,
we say this is lucky for both sides.
The first sign Of fall is when milk
begins TO taste like the COW has been
eating old straw hats.
New York artist left his wife and
ran away with a model but we'll bet
she won't be a model wife.
Autos may take the place Of street
cars some day. They are trying to
do it now by knocking them out Of
the way.
In st. Louis a drug clerk shot
man, and if the man asked the price
of postage stamps we hope the clerk
goes free.
A little grease on the top of a pond
kills mosquitoes, and yet the darn
things seem to thrive on fat people.
Politics makes strange bedfellows,
and also strange fellows, but many
a dark horse has a bright future.
winter fingers in the lap Of
spring" wrote the other poet. and
we write, Summer loafs in the lap
of the kitchen stove"
With only a few more months of
Leap Year left, some are desperate
Soon be time for the annual coal
shortage to see its shadow.
The chief wonder of the presiden-
tial race is it is struggling along
without a cow-mill1ing or hay-pitch-
contest.
The chief trouble with money is it
is never quite enough.
Los Angeles girl who drank iodine
was saved and now she can claim
she thought it was restaurant coffee.
An optimist is a man who buys a
summer suit now.
People who sleep on the sleeping
porches should get up first.
We would hate to be a rich mans
son and have to stay in trouble
nearly all the time.
Money makes the mare go. 1t also
semes to make the hair go.
The man who doesn't have to
work might as wall collect his life
insurance.
Our great objection to living in
the country is you have to go to
town for your vacation.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
HE DOESN'T
KNOW CODE
OF FMARTLANS
Strange Messages Recorded
on New Photographic
Machine,
BIZ NEA Serrice

By NEA Serrice
EV7 ASHINGTON, Sept. 2.-"It
IW may not be a message from
- Mars" DIR. David Todd ad-
mits. but if it isn't from Mars,
where is it from?''
It's a simple enough process Of
elimination.
Inventor G. Francis Jenkins au-
tomato radio Thotographing machine
certainly did catch a message-or
something. Whence? You can't
tell, can you? Then it came from
Mars, naturally.
And it came just at the time
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
EpiscOpalians Numerous
One by the Paper Boy

Hey, boy. you put our paper on
the front porch last evening and
when I came home I found it all
over the neighborhood."
Il am not surprised"
Not surprised"
NO, sir. because as a matter Of
fact our paper has the greatest cir
culation of any in town. ''-Youngs-
town Telegram.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
WILL PRICES
REMAIN AT
FIXED SUM?
Quick Asks Question as
Result of Standardi-
ZatiOn,
Bv HERBERT QUICK

10y AIAAINOAA1N 70 - I'm
- NE of my brother writers has
Il told US Of the progress
SI made by the division of
simplifed practice Of the Department
of Commerce in the Standardization
Of manufactured articles in the
United States.
That progress is very creditable to
the department. 1t is well to have
hotel chinaware simplified from zoo
items to 100. 1t ought to make hotel
expenses lesss. I hope it will make
hotel bills less for guests. I hope
that the simplification of grades.
sizes and nomenclature for soft
woods" will really save $3.50, 900, 900
annually, as is stated.
But 1 should like to know who
will profit by the saving. VIII the
soft wood articles we have to buy,
will lumber be cheaper to the ex-
tent of anything like $3.50, 700, 900
year-for the people?
Many Articles Included
Metal iath, forged tools, paper.
blackboards, states, woven wire fenc-
ing, milk bottles, milk caps. hollow
building tile. brass sink traps, bolts
and nuts, hospital beds, automotive
parts, gas waterheaters, screw
drivers, pocket knives, dental sup
plies, cotton fabric cOlors, wood
handles for tools-au these, and in
fact, manufacturing in general. is to
he given plans for simpliication
which, if one may judge from the
economies claimed for the soft-wood
industry ought to save billions and
billions of wasted costs on manufac-
turing H. the United States.
Saved for whom? It would seem
that the saving would make living
cheaper for all cf us But viii it.?
Look over the list, and see how
many Of the things included are mo
nopoIized by trusts as TO manufac-
turing. Taken woven wire fencing,
for one thing. The present wrlTer
has been waiting for a long time for
this article TO fall in price 50 that
he could afford to fence a lot Of
rather low-priced land for pasture.
But it has Pittsburgh plussed along
at a prohibitive price. VIII this sim
pldcaion make 1t cheaper?
Combine Fixes Price
Why should it? The combine con.
trolls the price. It charges what the
traffic will bear, It could sell a lot
more fencing by reducing the prices.
IL is the same with so much Of the
manufacturing OF the United States
that the excellent work Of the de
partment promises 10 make greater
the profits Of concerns already
enormously profitable, and to relieve
very little, If at all, the people suf-
fering from high prices.
OF course, If foreign manufactur-
ers were not shut out by our tariff
walls, foreign competition would
force many Of these manufacturers
to pass some Of these savings down
to the rest Of us. But being a nation
OF prize boobs, we shall probably
faH for tho old hokum Of the pro.
tectionisits as we have usually done.
If il turns out so. the Department
of Commerce viii have done a great
piece Of work FOR the monopousts.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Quarantined

where on earth have you been?
haven't seen you for two weeks.
Il scratched my face badly while
trimming some thorn bushes in our
yard and my wife wouldn't let me
out Of the house until the marks
healed because some of our friends
are 50 suspicious. -- Youngstown
Telegram.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Family Fun
One for the Doctor

Some one telephoned me you
had an accident and needed me-"
Sorry, doc, but the patients
gone"
(which direction?"
He was in an explosion. Cor
nell Widow.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Dad as Songster

Have you ever heard The Song
of the SWAMI"
''No; but say, you ought to hear
me give an imitation Of a duck!"-
Youngstown Telegram.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Sons Nose

What do you mean by putting
your thumb to your nose and
wriggling your fingers at those little
boys?"
Don't you worry, ma-they know
what I mean. Legion
Weekly.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
As Wife Feels

How does it feel to have your
hair straight back over your fore
head again."
Bang up"'-Youngstown Telegram.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

Mars was nearest to u.s." adds DR..
Todd.
DR. Todd is an eminent astronomer
and professor emeritus OF Amherst.
Washington being a center Of po-
litical campaign activity just now
the very place Mars would be like
lest 10 want to get in radio com
munication with-hither came DR..
Todd, TO be on hand in case any
thing should be hearl from there
during the neighbor planets we'll
known OpDOsitiOn.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
VERNE IS
PR D WE'D
4 PIKER
Imagination Could Not Equal
Present Air Achieve
m0ntSr
n ASHINGTON, Sept. Jules
vi Verne was a piker.

" " n -AA7A44AN - ~ sept - y IASSS
IWI Verne was a piker.
No fanciful achievement
that emanated from his weird imagi-
nation can even approach soma of
the coldfact triumphs that have
marked mans progress in his con-
quest of the air.
The Army flyers roaring around
the world-a nonstop fight across
the contnent-the Atlantic ocean
crossed and recrossed-man--r made
eagles soaring on the roof Of the
world seven miles up-speed of
nearly five miles minute-giart
ombers. Weighing twenty tons
tiny. motorless gliders sailing for
eight hours on a stretch-strange
heicopters that hover in the air.
All this and more has been done
since the Wright brothers gave
wings to the human race with
queer, kite-Ike contraptiOn in 1908.
The latest official world records,
kept by the International Aeronaudc
Association, show some remarkable
achievements
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
French Hold Record

The highest altitude yet reached
by man is 36.555 feet, attained by
Sadi Lecointe, a Frenchman, Oct.
80. 1928. This broke the record set
by Maj. R. W. Schroeder, L. s. A,
who eyeballs froze in the bitter cold
at $4,000 feet.
A speed mark of 266.59 miles per
hour was set by Lieut.. A. J. Will
liams. U. S. N, on Nov. "a, 1928, in
a Navy racer.
Without re-fuelling. Lieutenants
Kelly and Macready remained aloft
36 hours and 4 minutes on April IS
Il, 1928, travelling 2.516 miles.
By re-fuelling (receiving gasoline
from a supply plane flying above)
Lieutenants Smith and Richter, q.
S. A, stayed up 81 hours, Is min
utes on Aug. 27-2S, 1929, travelling
3,29S miles.
Carrying load Of one and ons-
fifth tons, Lieut. r. L. Fuller, .. s.
N, remained aloft in a Douglas sea
plane for 2 hours, 45 minutes on
June 6, 1923, travelling 205 miles.
larry WelBuD
Carrying a load of two and two
fifth tons, Lieut. H. E Holland, y.
S. N, remained aloft in a Navy plane
for 81 minutes on July 7, 1923. as
cending three-quarters Of a mile in
the air.
The new Barling bombers of the
Army, for which official records do
not appear, are giant airplanes with
a 120-foot Widespread and almost
as high as a three-story house, and
have a crew of five men. The War
Department claims they can remain
aloft from three and one-half to four
hours, carrying five tons of bombs,
and attain a speed Of eighty miles
an hour.
The world records for motorless
gliders are held by Europeans. Uti-
lizing only the air currents, they
have remained aloft over eight hours
and attained an altitude of 1857 feet.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

You can get an answer TO any ques-
tton o. iact or information by writing
TO the indianapolis Times Washington
Bureau. 1922 New YORK Ave, Wash
lnst0u, D. c, lncl0sins , cents IN
stamps Tor reply Medical. legal and
marital advice cannot be given, nor
can extended research be undertaken.
all other questions Will receive per-
eOnal reply. Unsigned requests cannot
be answered All letters are contden-
Nal-EdItOr.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
HERE ARE
CANDIDATES.
RELIGIONS
-odge Affiliations of As
pirantS Also Are
Given,
Times Washington Bureau.

I7 ASHINGTON. Sept. 2.-The
NV race for President of the
E United States lies between a
Presbyterian, Baptist and a Con
gregationalist; the race for Vice
President. between a Presbyterian, a
Methodist and a Baptist.
If John w. Davis is elected he will
be the seventh Presbyterian TO hold
the office. If Senator la Toilette is
chosen he will be the second Baptist,
Harding having been the other.
President Coolidge is the first and
only ConEregationalist to serve.
Wheeler a Methodist
Among the vice presidential as
pirants. Bryan Is a Baptist; Wheeler,
a Methodist and Dawes a Presby-
terian.
Davis. La Toilette and Wheeler are
also thirty-second degree Masons.
Bryan is an Odd Fellow Coolidge
and Dawes do not belong to any
fraternal orders.
only TWO men VINO were HpL
church members have ever been
President. a review Of the record
shows. Thomas jefferson believed in
Christianity. although he was not a
sectarian. Andrew Johnson was a
Christian believer, but not a church
member, although his wife was
Methodist.
EpiscOpalians Numerous
Eplscopalians and Presbyterians
have been the most numerous in
the office. washington, Madison
Monroe, William II. Harrison, Tyler
Arthur. Taylor and Pierce adhered
to the Episcopal faith while Jackson,
Polk, Buchanan, Lincoln. Cleveland,
Benjamin Harrison and Wilson were
Presbyterians.
John Adams, John Quincy Adams,
Fillmore and Taft We're Unitarians.
Grant, Hayes and Mckinley were
Methodists. Van Buren and Roose-
welt were Reformed Dutch. Garfield
was a Campbellite.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

SPhyllis, I've been noticing some
thing very queer about you lately. &"
"Oh, yes, that must be Archie. -
Detroit News.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
BUTCHERTNG AND SKINNING

m HE meat packing of Wilson placed
J in the hands of receiver
Thus another chapter written in the neverending story
of high finance
Nineteen years ago what is known as Wilson & Co.
called Schwarzschd Sulzberger. was one of the
'big ve packers and the Sws were secretly trying to
secure control Of it.
Five years later the struggle was compromised by eor
ganzng and high finance appeared in the packing
ness High finance and endless tribute bankers pools
to dividends watered stocks and bonds
This company but example of why producers (sch
as farmers get less than fair price for their produce why
consumers than fair price for produce
The difference between the low reward for labor and the
high cost Of living to feed the Unsuitable high
finance.
Handicapped by its first injection of water the Suzberger
outfit staggered until 1916 when group Wall St bank
ers gave the company real water Again the company
''reorganzed"
Millions of bonds issued. Millions of stock was
issued The banks paid around So stock and the
profit the bonds actually than the stock cost
Then for the dropcal securities out the
public Little of it went for less than $50 per and much
of it for much more.
The banks made their millions and millions profit while
the innocent stockholders the farmers raise cattle and
hogs and the public meat have each been con-
tributing to make up those millions
Whether the recevership is justified only court hearing
will show But judging from the past the likely thing
IS reorganization That will mean that Wall St.
will gorge itself again and the investing public the producing
farmer and the consuming public will for another skin
ming.
IF CORN is listening wheat it getting an earful
THE FAIR Isle of Jersey has system Only the cows
MIXED there
THE PICTURE of the late Salmon P. Chase has been
placed the $4,000 BILL where certain few dirty
hands may defle it.
THE REMARKABLE thing about that harnessmakers'
convention Iowa that there enough gentry
left to make quorum.
SCREEN and stage folks have organized a $5OOOOOO
corporation the idea being of have money enough
star, at least
BEAUTY DOCTORS say bobbed hair a thing of the past
Thus the woman with past " instead of being exception
is the rule.
THE OLD WEST is gone for fact-ditched dumped and
disgraced. Those buckaroos who punch
cattle for British edfcaon returning up
spats and monOcles. Only blood will wipe
thing
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
Delicate Machine

The doctor and Inventor Jenkins
got together on a plan to catch any
message the Martians might try TO
broadcast.
The automatic radio photograph
ing machine is too delicate and com
plicated 10 go into details about, but
Jenkins invented it. They shut it
up in a box. tight locked, and set 1t
going, to record whatever the Mar
tians had to offer.
Aug. IS they opened the box and
there was a record.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
"Cubist Figures"

It was supposed to be IN dots and
dashes. bat It wasn't-not exactly.
"As a lady said, who looked at It"
remarked DR.. Todd, these look like
cubist figures"
At any rate, DIR. Todd and Inven-
tor jenkins turned the film over
to an army expert to be decoded.
The expert is still DECIDING it. He
admits he's slow, but, unfortunately.
he isn't a cubist.
"The signals" says DIR. F. f.
Fowle, Smithsonian Institution sun
and star expert, "are just disturb
ances introduced by solar or terres-
trial causes not yet understood and
not the work Of intelligent beings"
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
1t Pays

II see Mrs. Smith has a little
daughter"
How do you know that,
mammal"
1T says so in the paper, dear"
Read it to me-"
Her mother read: Born on July
2, to Mr.. and Mrs.--Smith,
daughter"
Dorothy thought a moment and
then said: ST know what I'm going
to do. I'm going to stop and begin
advertising. Boston Transcript.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02
What Father Is

What is a second-story man,
mother?"
Your father is. If don't believe
the first one he tells, he always has
another ready. Boston Transcript.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

BEAUTY DOCTORS say bobbed hair is a thing the past.
Thus the woman with past instead of being exception
is the rule.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

THE OLD WEST is gone for fact-ditched dumped and
dsgraced Those buckaroos, who to punch
cattle for British edifcaton returning all essed up
spats and monOces Only blood will wipe out that of
thing. 4
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

SCREEN and stage folks have organized S. 900 900
corporation the idea being course money enough for
ont t'star,' at least.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

IF CORN is listening to wheat it is getting an earful
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

THE PICTURE of the late Salmon P Chase has bee
placed the $4,000 BILL where certain few dirt
hands may defle it.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

THE REMARKABLE thing about that harnessmakers
convention Iowa that there enough gentry
left to make quorum.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

How can one, judge whether
ferns need to be repotted?
1t depends on the size of your fern
box whether or not your ferns should
be repotted. If the roots are
crowded they should be; otherwise
not.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

A British woman writer says
women cant understand men Well,
we say this is lucky for both sides.
The first sign Of fall is when milk
begins to taste like the COW has been
eating old straw hats.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

THE FAIR Isle of Jersey has system Only the co
MIXED there.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

New York artist left his wife and
ran away with a model, but We'll bet
she won't be a model wife.
The Indianapolis times., 1924-09-02

Does salt injure the hair when
applied, dissolved in water, TO
make it lie perfectly?
Salt has a tonic effect. but It is
believed that 1t has a tendency TO
make the hair gray Those who
bathe frequently without caps in
the ocean will verify this.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
TU. S. FLYING is BEING MADE SAFEF
Accidents Are Cut
Down in Federal
Service
~. -AInWAI.- - !.

qua ANYWAYS uF fur &C.
i are becoming sf-r
fyHz miaIitsa u Fhr amg
liE service during me scar end
nc june gH 1894. decreased
more than gI per cent from tHa
previous grar Hut gt uyrn
Hrri f.IrI IH aIrpaur crashes
and four in faIIaru Hreldruir
Hs compared aFH 30 HaHuss
during tHr previous gsaT
.IhIH despite fH- fact chat con
arf= ana tfr director ~ the
budget chopped aff Hf HT aK
million dollars from Coo mini
MUM estimate submitted bg
u1i ufu Macon 80 Patrick
rhHr af thr aiT Hirr Hs
usrr cory Tor fhs army air
srrfiuF.
600 i3-l rEefr aaT aH avon
aEr ~ unn fatality f5r fFrrf
1880 n8uu flown oF Hrpruai-
maieIy one death Tor every OF.
800 miles ~ fgiuE
During che hasai year Iufr
completed there waa only ono
fatality far every atii hour
flown. or one for every 11Ill1
miles or flying
Tho human element o. ne
fpon.b'H for moro than half n
che aocIdrnir "a Hgr,sy ~ alI
hlalHlr5 20 date diarIms Er
rom o. Judgment or mistake
pu iHr part ~ ihr pilot caurri
then. Adverse weather engine
failure. structural failure ~ The
planes. caused tho rest
Tho var department claims
thst during tha three sears sui
uE December %. 1888 only ono
fatality resulted from structural
failure ~ au Hiplsua ~ Amer
can design ana construction
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
BY HARRY B. HUNT

devil Of congress- from Okla.
homn. when he appeared in court
as his own attorney in his suit
asking $4,000 damages because
Miss Ethelyn Chranc, his for.
mer secretary, refused 10 marry
him.
Technically, II was a breach OF
promise case. but tho judge ruled
only evidence could DO admitted
bearing on tho extent. IL any. 70
which Herrick had been dam.
aged"
As attorney Herrlck PROFOUND.
ed questions TO himself. AS client
he answered them.
What is your name?" Attor.
ney Herrick asked himself MS
Plaintiff Herrick took his seat
in the witness chair.
MY name is Manuel Herrlck.
and / am from Oklahoma" was
the reply.
Herrick then proceeded to item.
ize the amount OF damages he
had sustained. Ho included Si5..
900 ne would have received as
salary had he been reelected TO
congress difficulties concern.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
> Questions ;
ANSWERED .

Q What constitutes violation Of
tho Mann white slave law Of 1907
A. TO aid. or cause. or 10 Induce
The transportation Of any roman or
oiri from ono state 10 another for
immoral purposes
Q What Is tho double ring we'd.
ding ceremony
4. Exactly The same as any ,rrd.
ding ceremony. crccpi that ,chcn
The Clergyman reaches me part OF
The ceremony phcrc The ring L.
oircn 70 The bride. he repeats n. oir-
ing The ring OF nc bride 70 The
groom. The maid Of honor takr,
care Of me DrooIn's ring. just a,
the best man takes care Of the ,red.
ding ring for The bride. The ripo
for nc groom Is purchased by tho
bride
Q. What is the plural Of cheese .
T. Chccacs.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
GAS e
SAFE, TESTS
INDICATE
~ K8NETH WATSON

Isl III ~ hElH WAT aInr
rrrtErfr-r-gr- - 90
w i. -. 800.
~ " a
EAHr HE.Ea raH'H.H. q -ra
aHrlfg ~ frfa rfagI fad
ras.- r---.rr.rf br.r
$500.
''
frfHHfaar 'H. United hia'fr
bureau af mime. aHaGgaar1
rHr rragrr-v-rt gs- mad.
49,
o-'.. 9i'a POI "a hH'FH con
gTH'faf.H1 ~ exhaust aar
AZ fH- end ~ .-rf manr#r
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
Women Governors to Be at Inaugural
WAsHrNGToN Nov. 10

WA sHINGToN Nov. 10
w With an eye to the future.
when they hope to sec n woman
riding down Pennsylvania ave. at
the head OF an inaugural parade,
members Of the National WON
ans Party and the National
League OF Women Voters arc
hoping MA" Ferguson OF Texas
and our Neli' Ross Of Wyoming
VIII come TO Washington TO par.
ticipate in the Coolidge inaug
uration on March &.
Altho both are democrats, as
visiting chief executives OF SOY.
ereign states they would be &C.
corded places IN the inaugural
parade.
And as the first women ever
to be elected to such high office.
1t is felt that their participation
in the ceremonies would place
the whole status Of women. as
possible future contenders for
the presidency, in a more favor.
able light.
A NEW wrinkle in court pro.
n cedure was demonstrated by
Manuel Herrick. former dare.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
The PoWer Around Us

DUWEK IS chained up al around in queer forms The
magical power of vibrations is just beginning to be
understood Radio is one way it's put to common use
Cincinnati church has the second largest bell in the
world Moscow leading The Ohio bell IL feet high weighs
10 tons. It's sounded by tapping with q hammer Once
was rung with the capper-bu only once-for the pow
sfu vibrations shattered windows for block and threat
ened to shake down the bell tower Eventually such force
will be used in unique ways.
We live in what ancestors would have called super
natural world.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
- FABLES ON HEALTH -
DONT'S FOR COLDS

nui more when they fnceEr.
Don't De-, Them sleep with any Of
the other children.
Make "a Earsie from onc-fourth
tsaspounfu OF Htlt and the same
amount Of soda mixed IN hot water.
Give them a hot footbafh before
they so 10 bed and hot lemonade
after they get in.
And. % course. good cathartic
Don't let them cat meats or heavy
foods and. n confined 10 bed. a little
no, broth or milk several times a
day.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-11-15
Old Stuff to Us

Low quickly we become accustomed to a marvellous in
yention and consider it commonplace The radio
only few years old far widespread popular use Is
concerned already is losing its glamor. Visitors yawn
politely when you offer to tune in Ten years ago any
OF us would have walked miles to hear one
So with the arplane. In the larger cities the hum Of
an overhead motor rarely is sufficiently attractive 10 i'm
duce more than bakers dozen TO watch until the plane
is out of sight. casual glance. 4 shrug Old stuff
Radio news from Mars would become dull in a few
months
Also onealf the world doesn't why other half should per
sh In living. ' -