davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
AS THEY DO
IN UTOPIA
BY les COnkIin.

k<WKY ELL. did you enjoy
w your meal?" inquired
the manager Of the
Razzle-Dazzle Restaurant ais the
distinguished looking gentleman
with the waxed mustache paid
his check.
The food was all right, but the
service was terrible complained
Count Tenn, for it was he. 'T
had to wait twenty minutes for
the Russian omelet that i or.
dered. What's the trouble, is the
chef paralyzed?"
mo. you see he had to wait
for the eggs explained the man.
ager. Whenever i customer
orders an omelet, we go out and
instruct the hens to lay the eggs
right away SO that they win be
nice and fresh"
That is wonderful idea,"
commented the count, ''and un-
doubtediy the customers would
appreciate it If they didn't have
to wait so long"
Say, have an inspiration!
exclaimed the manager. 'I will
place pack of cards on each
table so that the customers can
play solitaire while they are
waiting for their orders to be
served
"Fine!" approved the count.
The next time come in ! will
bring three or four friends with
me and we will have a game Of
penny ante before dining"
Look here, Phyllic," COM
planned young Bill Collector
angrily, "I'm sick and tired Of
finding another fellow here every
time call on you. Why don't
you tell these fellows that you
can't see them because you have
q date with me?"
"But, Bill, dear, don't be so nn.
reasonable" protested Phyllis.
''I' can't order them out of the
house. That would be breaking
all the rules Of etiquette, and
don't want to insult my boy
friends
'Well, I don't intend to sit
around and talk about the wealth:
or all evening"" said Bill. "If
you feel that way about it,
won't come to see you any more
and you can entertain, your other
friends."s
"Wait a minute, Bill" said
Phyllis hastily. you know like
you much better than those dunn
bells. After this you try to get
. here first and then I'll put .
quarantine sign on the door SO
that nobody will bother u.s."
what is the charge against
this MANI" demanded the judge
as he began the case of the Peo-
pie VS.. Ludwig Lir1burger. 1
"Mr. 'Limburger is accused Of
having too much money" replied
the prosecuting attorney. "There
are eighteen complaints against
him..
Don't try to get funny with
me-" warned the judge. II won't
have the dignity Of this court
belittled by frivolous remarks"
I'm not trying to get funny
replied the prosecuting attorney.
This, man Limburger goes
around with nothing smaller than
hundred dollar notes, and conse-
/ tquently his friends always have
to foot the bills because the res
taurants and theaters are unable
to make change for him. He has
been pulling this stuff for two
years now and his friends are
getting tired Of it."
''I know his kind WE'LL" said
the Judge. as he glared at the
prisoner. 1--WE will give him a
year in Jail to reform him. Next"
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
box Of cough drops.

On January 16, 1853. the presi-
dent of the Fountain Pen Cor
poration announced that with
each pen sold would be given a
cake Of special soap to remove
ink from the buyers fingers.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

Don't buy coal if your apart
ment is cold. Just hold meet
ing Of the sewing circle and the
air will be hot inside Of five min.
utes.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
A Word to the Wise E.

Always make your speech short
at a banquet. Otherwise the peo-
pie who have to listen to YOU
may get bored and deprive YOU
0e your speech for life,
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

On November 81, 1921, a De.
troit minister was seized with q
fit of coughing while preaching
sermon and inquired il any
person in the congregation had .
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

On September 81, 1928. an >osh-
kosh farmer went to Paris and
forgot to send his friends post.
cards showing the places he had
visited.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
ADVERTISEMENT
Physician Makes
New Gland Test
GIandOgen Provides Simple Method
of Taking GIandular Treatment

BY increasing the power of GER
tain glands in the human body, a
Baltimore physician believes he can
prolong life.a This doctor spent con.
siderable time in Germany, where
he conducted a series of highly
successful laboratory experiments.
This physician's method treats the
glands in. such q way as to multi
ply, their inherent powers.
Today the benefits Of sciences
latest discovery in gland therapy
can be enjoyed in the form Of Clan.
dogen, a highly, concentrated glan-
dular tonic, prepared from the
glands Of healthy young animals.
GIandogen has had unusual sue
cess in the treatment of thousands
of ailing' men and women. 1t is
Obtainable at Peoples 16 Drug
Stores. vi
I Mail orders given prompt atten.
non. sf =
]: ]: GLANDOGEN
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
AT BREAKFAST


There you go smoking again.
oscar--I knew you'd break your
New Years resolutions. You
couldn't keep q resolution any
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
BELIEVE 1T?

On February 20. 1928, six ten
ants in New York apartment
house died Of heart failure when
the, janitor took them upstairs in
the elevator at an excessive
speed.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
WHEN IN LOVE.

With a girl who Is crazy about
dancing, keep away from herwhile
a marathon endurance contest is
being held.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

With a woman who believes in
love at first sight. get a shave
and haircut before being introduced
to her.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

With farmers daughter, don't
drop in to see her until the chores
are all finished.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
CHESTER'S
CHJJCKLES

BY Chester G. Conner.
MMUsTAcHEs and trouble
may be found right under
AVA your nose.
Some folks fall in Iowa while
others fall out.
A futurist is the artist who al
ways promises and never pays.
We are very fond Of fried egg
plant-the kind that cackles.
The ex-soldier who Is bored BY
times OF peace should try mAtri.
mony.
When bad tempered man -
sick. the better he gets, the worse
/, he is.
We'd durn sight rather shoveT
coal than snow.
An optimist is a bald headed
man who wears hair net.
A kiss before marriage Is worth
two after. fys
Why not ain amendment pro.
hibiting taxes? - ef '-s
When a girl admits that she
can't cook. take It for granted she
thinks she has man cinched.
To tell II q man has been drink
ing, search him to see IL he has
any money left.
A real neighbor is one who
closes the window whsfi, cooking
cabbage.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

With the beautiful daughter Of
"a minister, tell her that you are a
heathen and want to be converted.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

On April 81, 1922, a Chicago
stenographer worked eight con-
secutive hours without looking at
the clock or fiddling with her van
ity case.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
swede Makes Ar Record.

PARIS, Jan. 8. - The Swedish
Aero Club today notified the Inter.
national Aeronautic Federation that
the Swedish aviator, s. A. Flory.
on September 20, = established 8
hydroplane altitude record aof 6:S71
meters, beating French Aviator
Laport's December record Of 5,335
meters.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

To be nagged by his wife be-
\ cause he doesn't show as much
affection towards her as he for
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

To tell IL d man has been drink
ing, search him to see IL he has
any money left.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

bazaar when an old maid is run
ming the booth.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

70 buy kisses at . benefit
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

A real neighbor is one who
closes the window when, cooking
cabbage.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
NO MAN LIKES

To be sent out on errands by
his wife when one Of his relatives
arrives for a visit and parks In
the easy chair.
To- realize that he is no longer
able to make woman jealous.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

When a girl admits that she
can't cook. take It for granted she
thinks she has q man cinched.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

Why not ain amendment pre-
hibiting taxes? - eG '.-s'
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

ADVERTISEMENT.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

A kiss before marriage Is worth
two after. fys
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

An optimist is a bald headed
man who wears a hair net.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09
BY Chester G. Conner.
M UsTAcHEs and trthbls
NV may be found right UNDER
AVA your nose.

The ex-soldier who Is bored BY
times OF peace should try mAtri.
mony.
The Washington times., 1924-01-09

When a bad tempered man -
sick. the better he gets, the worse
, he is.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
TAKE 1,8oo-MILE OCEAN
TRIP IN 3O-FoOT KETCH

HALIFAX, N. S., Nov. 1S.--Some-
where on the broad Atlantic today,
In a tiny ketch, are two professional
men, bound from this port to St.
Lucia, British West Indies.
The navigators are Charles Per-
rochet, an artist, now OF Neuchatel.
Switzerland, but formerly Of New
York, and Louis Kraus, q writer,
whose home is in New York. The
two men embarked in their thirty.
foot craft on an 1,800-mile voyage.
with scarcely more provisions than
they expected to fuse on the trip.
Only sails propel the small vessel.
and, because Of the inclement wealth.
er generally prevailing at this time
OF year, the voyage has attracted
tne attention Of many experienced
mariners.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
STATE FORESTS TO GROW
GRAIN. FOR WILD. GAME

LEWISTDWN, Pa. Nov. 13.--
Jesse Hassinger, game protector Ct
Woodland, near Reedsvllle, has OBJ.
tanned permission from the state
game and forest commissions to
clear several tracts Of, forest land
IN the Seven mountains region in
which to plant grain for good for
wild game. @
Permission has been sought for
several years by Mr.. Hassinger,
who long ago saw the benefits to
be derived by providing food for
the game animals, compelled to
forage far afield to avoid starva-
ton during the winter.
With chestnuts practically un.
known in the forests in this sec.
tion and very few acorns. deer have
lost their winter food and have
wandered out of the woodlands tonto
the fields Of farmers in many sec.
tions in herds. With the fields
planted in grain deer would be able
20 sustain themselves without go.
ing beyond the boundaries Of the
State forest.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
WOMAN NURSE SUES
FOR PART OF ESTATE

Mary Ann Spencer, who died
June 8, 1919, promised Virginia
Hurdle to remember her in her
win with one-half Of her estate In
return for the latter taking care
of her and her household, nursing
and feeding her. but has failed to
do so, according to suit filed in
the District Supreme Court today
by Virginia Hurdle against the
American Security & Trust Com
pany, as executor of the Spencer
estate, for the recovery of $S,225.
The plaintiff, represented by At
torneys Hosea B. Moulton and r.
H. MCNEIL, GLAZING that she was
employed by testatrix as nurse and
housekeeper from December /,
1914, until June 5, 1919. the day
of her death. She was house
keeper, companion and nurse, and
cleaned, busted and scrubbed the
apartment, the petition recites.
The plaintiff declares she has
demanded payment from the
executor which was refused. She
claims &S5 per week and says she
served four years, six months and
seven days.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
ELLsGOQG|DGE
Of SITUATION
IN CHINA
Dr. SchurEnan, Y. s. Minis.
ter, Sees Little Hope
For Early Peace
LLOYD LEHBRAS.
InternatL0nal News Service.

Doctor Jacob Gould Schgirynan,
American minister to china, who Is
Al the United States on leave, held
q conference at the White House
yesterday with President Coolidge, at
which the chaotic situation now
Teigning In China Was discussed.
Doctor Schnrman told the. Presi-
dent that while the political diff.
culties OF the country might be
Gettled by the election Of Field Mar
shall Tuan Chi,Jui, Anfu leader and
former premier, as President sue
ceeding Tsao Kun, the deposed
leader OF the Chihli party, there
was little possibility that the mill
tary situation would be changed
for the better.
Chang Tso-Lin, war lord OF Man
churia, whose troops have just de-
6eated General WuPei-Fu, Govern
ment supporter, has been one of
Tuan's supporters from the be-
ginning land Feng Yu-Hsiang, the
Christian christian general whose
coup d'etat, ousted President Tsao-
Kun and the uncroWned ''boy''
emperor, also supports Tuan and
has invited him to Picking to as.
sumo the Presidency. Tuan also Is
receiving support from other leaders
Of lesser factions, and according to
latest reports received in Washing
ton, will secure the support Of
Tuchun Chi, Of Marking, who con-
trolls the Yangtse River region.
Doctor Schurman, it Is said, be.
Meyes that with such support Mar,
shall Tuan can be elected President
and concentrate the political affairs
Ut the country under a stable
regime, but is Of the opinion that
despite the political solidarity there
will still remain three powerful
military cliques all hostile to each
other, headed by Chang Tso-Lin
Feng Hu.Hisang, and d third com
bination Of the forces Of Wu.Fei
Flu and Chi Hsieh- Yuan. In the
past China's troubles have resulted
through the rivalry Of two military
parties, the Chihh and Manchurlan
and with three, instead Of two
iaternecine strife would only be ag
grevated.
Doctor Schurman viii be In con
ference with Secretary of State
Hughes and other officials OF the
State Department during the week
He win leave Washington Saturday
sailing for Shanghai from Seattle
on the steamship President Grant
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
Girls viii Find Ii Hard
10 Stay Bodied
In Conn.

HARTFORD, Conn.,, Nov. 10.
It looks like 4 bad winter for
the Msppers Of this State, as I
result Of q ruling BY the At
tornay General that all hair
bObbers must be licensed and
pay q fee of So. The flappers
foresee in this ruling d rise in
the price Of hobs.
Incidentally, II Ii not going
to be 50 easy for the beauty
parlor proprietofs, for the ruling
makes it necessary that All pers-
sons who bob hair must PASS
the BARRIERS examination re-
quired by the State.
Az shaving Is one Of the big
courses in the curriculum Of Che
barber college, many Of the ex-
pert BARRIERS who have never
welded an African bAyonet will
have to study hard On this
branch.
The penalty attached to bob
bing without q license is arrest
and the imposition Of a fine.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
C0NSER MTION
Of TNNBER
URGED
Conference on Forest Products
WIN Attempt Reduction
OF Waste

Plans have been completed for
the national conference on the
utilization Of forest products here
on November 10 and 20, Acting
Secretary Of Agriculture Gore an.
nounced today.
This conference win mark the
most comprehensive attempt ever
made In the United States to have
the economical use Of existing
timber supplies take its essential
place In the national forestry pro-
gram along with the prevention Of
forest fires and the growing OF
timber crops" Gore said.
Representatives Of the wood.
manufacturing and wood-consumine
industries, including newspapers
periodicals, railroads, builders, for,
esters and architects will attend
the conference.
This conference was called by
Secretary Wallace several weeks
before his death. According tc
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
PASSING ON Of
BOOTLEGGERS
PREDICTED
Grace Leigh Scott, Temper
ance Worker, Says Evil
Is Only Transient


CHICAGO, Nov. IS. - The boot
logger is a transient evil who may
survive the decade, but who win
hardly carry over into the next
generation.
This was the prediction voiced
here yesterday at the fiftieth birth.
day celebration Of the Women's
Christian Temperance Union.
"our work lies with the youth
of the land and in these youths, the
bootlegger win meet his waterloo, =
Grace Leigh Scott, field service
secretary said. sour task Is law
enforcement, but the bootlegger is
not the local point Of our attack.
He has always existed. He is
merely much in the public eye to.
day because Of the disappearance
of the saloon-keeper, he has a
wider field of activity. With the
passing years, he will naturally
atrophy and pass out of existence.
He win survive the decade but will
hardly pass into the next genera.
tion."
Miss Scott indicated the present
day parents as victims OF a ma.
terialistic ideal" who are not awake
to the spiritual needs of their chill.
dren, because their own souls have
never been awakened.
1.-THE soul Of the American child
has fed on husks for generation, .
Miss Scott said. THE result is
spiritual malnutrition.
A contributory cause to flaming
youth" Miss Scott held to be a too
complaisant moral standard" on the
part Of American adults.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
FASTING AIDS DIGESTION,
CHICAGO SAVANT FINDS

CHICAGO. Nov. 49, Fasting both
facilitates digestion and brings
bodily tissues back to more youth
full conditions, according to o re-
port Of experiments made by the
University OF . Chicago. A fast OF
fifteen days increases the ability OF
the bodily tissues to consume food
and thus produce energy, Prof A.
]. Carlson, who made the tests,
salys.
Fasting is not painful. and hunger
strikes are not the terrible ordeals
they are pictured, DR.. Carlson
adds. The only disadvantage he
finds is a gradual weakening.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
STARTS On
ADAM AND EVE
CAREER
Wed in Shop Window, Norfolk
Couple Seeks New Eden
in Forest
~ TnecrnafIonaI Newe Service.

B NORFOLK, va, Nov. 13.-Into an
Eden In the heart Of q dense forest,
but favored by the warmth Of an
Indian summer sun, Adam and Eve,
In the persons Of Mr.. and Mrs. Rob.
ert Day, married yesterday IN the
window Of department store, brave
" set forth to live for a week as
their Biblical ancestors are reputed
to have done, sans everything put
clothes. Al crowd Of several thou.
sand struggled for favorable vantage
points from which to witness the
wedding ceremony.
The young pair was selected out
Of scores to live the primitive life
for a period OF one week through
q, local newspaper. IL they can
Withstand the rigors lof the No
yennber woods without aid from any
source and are able to provide their
own food and shelter they wiz pc
given a large sum Of money and g
complete outfit of household utensils
and furnishings from a rolling pin
to radio OUTFIT through the news.
paper. 1t Is expected they also VIII
receive many other gifts from pusi'
ness houses.
Both young Day, just twenty-five,
and his wife, who was Miss Floretta
Popejoy, nineteen, are city bred and
know the conditions they will have
to face in the forest only through
occasional summer excursions. Mrs.
Day is the leader and pianist Of a
girls syncopating orchestra, and Is
decidedly pretty.
When night comes, the young
couple will have the benefit of an al.
most full moon during their week
In the forest. The woods also
abound with game, while many va
rieties of wild fruit to be found In
Southern woods are theirs for the
picking. All waters In tide water
Virginia, too, contain fish In endless
quantity and CLAIMS and mussels.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
GUS ]. KARGER RALLIED
BY BLOOD TRANSMISSION

Gus " Karger. veteran news
paper correspondent, who is criti.
cAlly i'll at Providence Hospital, fol-
lowing serious operation last Fri
day, passed a comfortable night
and was reported slightly i'm
proved" today.
He rallied following q blood trans
fusion late yesterday. Physicians,
who had regarded his chances for
recovery slight, are encouraged by
the effect Of the TRANSACTION, though
they still regard his condition as
grave.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
URGES AUToMo BlLlsTs
70 DIM THEIR LIGHTS

CHICAGO. Nov. 1s.-Would you
pass another car at. = rate of thirty
miles an hour while bIindfolded?
That Id exactly what happens
when an approaching car fails to
aim It's lights, according to Richard
q. Kropf. supreme regent Of the
Royal Arcanufn, who addressed q
safety conference here.
It requires several seconds for
the eye To readjuet itself to the
darkness during which your car
travels more than 100 yards, the
fraternalist pointed out.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13

Chief Forester Greeley, Wallace r..
garded the reduction Of timber
waste al one Of the most import
ant phases Of forest conservation.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13

United states. law that was
written mainly ID assist labor CON
ditions ii this country.
Doctor Charles III Mayo, 81
Rochester. Mimi, 20 declared Be-
fore d study section Of the Amer
lean Dental Association, which II
holding It's sixty-sixth annual can.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
Comic l4eads "a cooklea

Now you can bite the head off
your favorite cartoon character.
The folks that figure in the daily
comic strips are being reproduced
on Crackers" by the makers Of
Sunshine products. Faces Of the
characters have been moulded on
the cookies.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
SPANISH AIR LINE co.
BUYS FROM zEPPELINs

BASLE, Switzerland, Nov. IA
Spanish air line company of Seville
has contracted with the Zeppelin
company for the construction in
Seville of four dirigibles of the
zR-3 type for commercial passenger
lines.
The Washington times., 1924-11-13
NEW IMMIGRATION LAM
TO CUT DOWN ms NITY

DALLAS. Tex, Nov 1s. The
United States win reap ! harvest
Of improved health and decreased
insanity - result 81 the latest
immigration restrictions 81 the
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-02-08
Mcdonald, All Star
Grid Man, Finishes
Course at Colby

William ]. Mcdonald OF Colchester.
Conn, one of the men picked this
fall as ALI Maine quarterback from
Colby. left college yestefday morning
for Simsbury. Conn. where he will
teach and coach in prep school.
Mcdonald has completed his course
ut Colby and will return in June for
the commencement exercises. While
a; the Waterville college. Mcdonald
was prominent in athletics. especially
football when he made the quarter
back position on the State Cham
pionship team. The last fall was first
that Mcdonald had represented Colby
on the gridion and the first of any
state series games in athletics. He is
n member OF the Colby chapter of
Alpha Tau Omega and of the honor
airy Junior class of Dru,ds.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-02-08

selection apparently was spreading
in the senate. but with few indica-
tions that it would attain proper
lions sufficient to prevent their con-
firma ton.
In it's inquiry as to possible trans
actions in oil stocks by government
officials, the committee formally re-
quested certain information and
records of the New York stock ex-
change from Seymour Cromwell,
president of the exchange.
Decision of the oil committee not to
recall Mr.. Fall when it resumes its
public hearings tomorrow was reached
upon the advice of Mr.. Strawn and Mr..
Pomerene. They recommended that he
not be heard unless he waived his con-
stitutional right. as otherwise he might
gain immunity from prosecution.
The committee had been advised that
Mr.. Falls decision to stand on his con-
stitutional right was revocahle and so
it had been told by special government
counsel that proceedings against him
for contempt in refusing to testify
probably would fail since the statute
governing in such case was less
broad in it's scope than constitution
al guaranty against compelling a wit
ness to incriminate himself.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-02-08
Addresses Colby Students On
DeadIOck-U. S. Opportunity

J. H. Sc1tt"rgood of Philadelphia
spoke to tn students OF Colby Wednes-
day Mt chapel exercises on the sub
feet "Europr'5 Deadlock and Americas
Mr.. Scattcreood for
some tim" WIS n director of relief work
In Europe for The Friends Society and
yfom his personal contact with the af-
fairs overseas he was in n position to
give a very interesting talk The
speaker IL strongly against the attitude
France Is taking towards Germany,
bat h" admits that it is only natural
that France should look at things as
'she doc, He thinks that as long as
the percent attitude Is maintained by
Franco, chances for peaceful settle
.rent III l.GrOpo are small.
Mr. S,attcrguod laudcd Woodrow
Wiisnn, SAYING that in time to come
ms greatness would transcend that Of
all hi contemporaries. The treaty of
Versailles Il" considered of no value
IN lettering IVrop"'s condition and he
said ,i"li until America enters some
aSso"idj. oH Of nations there will he no
durable solution of the present chaos
across tn water