The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1924-07-18
THE SOUTH SEA
CANNIBALS
A. .. 1928

Far back in the long ago time New
Zealand was a crowded happy land.
Big Maori fortress villages crowned
the hilltops, broad farms covered the
hillsides; the chiefs kept a good table,
cooking was excellent, and especially
when prisoners were in season, the
people Toasted between sleeps. or,
should provisions fail. sacked the next
parish for supply of meat. So many
parishes were sacked and eaten that,
in the course of time, the chiefs led
their tribes to quite a distance before
they could find a nice fat edible vii
lage, but still the individual citizen
felt crowded after meals, and all was
well.
Then came the Pakehas, the white
men, trading. with muskets for sale
and the tribe that failed TO get trader
to deal with was very soon wiped out.
A musket cost a ton of fax, and TO
pile up enough to buy one whole tribe
must leave it's hill fortress to camp In
unwholesome fax swamps The peo-
pie worked themselves thin to buy
guns, powder and iron tools for farm
ing, but they cherished their Pakeha as
priceless treasure In special charge
of the chief, and If white man was
eaten, it was clear proof that he was
entirely useless alive, or a quite de-
testable character. The good Pakehas
became Maori warriors, a little par
ticular as to their meat being really
pig, but otherwise weli-mannered and
popular.
Now of these Pakeha Maoris, one
has left book He omitted his name
from the book of "Old New Zealand"
and never mentioned dates. but tradi-
ton says he was Mr.. F. c. Naming. and
that he lived as a Maori trader for
forty years, from 1923 to 1863, when
the work was published.
In the days when Mr. Naming
reached the North island trader was
valued at twenty times his weight in
muskets, equivalent, say, TO the sum
total of the British national debt. Run
away sailors, however. were quite
cheap. 1.-TWO men of this description
were Hospitality entertained one night
by chief, a particular friend of mine,
who, to pay himself for his trouble and
outlay, ate one of them next morn
ing"
Naming came ashore on the back of
a warrior by the name of Melons, who
capsized In an ebb tide running like a
zI, - ;aI A. iC-
pleased, held the natives head under
water by way of punishment. When
they got ashore Melons wanted to get
even, so challenged the Pakeha to a
wrestling match. Both were in the
pink of condition, the Maori, twenty
five years of age, and a. heavy-w eight,
the other boy full of animal spirits
and tough as leather. After the battle
Melons sat up rather dazed, offered his
hand and, venting his entire stock of
English, said, "How do you do?"
But then came powerful chief, by
name Relation-eater. Pretty work
this he began, good work. 1 won't
stand this not at all not at all not at
ALL" (The last sentence took three
jumps, step and a turn round, to
keep correct time.) 'Who killed the
Pakeha? 1t was Melons. You are a
nice man, killing my Pakeha :. =. we
shall be called the 'Pakeha killkillers' :;
/ shall be sick with shame; the Pake-
ha win run away; what If you had
killed him dead, or broken his bones"
killed him dead, or broken bis bones"
The local trader took Mr.. Naming
TO live with him, but it was known to
the tribes that the newcomer really
and truly belonged to Relation-eater.
Not long had he been settled when there
occurred a meeting betwe cen his tribe
and another, game of bluff. when the
warriors OF both sides danced the
splendid Haka, most blood-curdling
hair-lifting of all ceremonials. After
ward old Relation-eater singled out the
horrible savage who had begun the
war-dance, and these two tender-heart-
ed individuals for a full half-hour,
seated on the ground hanging on each
others necks, gave vent to chorus
Of skillfully modulated bowling. $50
there was peace" and during the cere-
monies Naming came upon a circle Of
what seemed to be Maori chiefs, until,
drawing near, he found that their nod
ding heads had nobody underneath.
Raw heads had been stuck on slender
rods, with cross-sticks to carry the
robes. Looking at the eds. -sir?"
asked an English sailor. "'Eds was
VERY scarce-they had to tattoo a
slave a bit ago, and the villain ran
away. tatteoin' and ALL
"Whatl''
"Bolted before he was fit to kill, y
said the sailor, mournful to think how
dishonest people could be.
Once the head chief, having need to
punish a rebellious vassal, sent Reia-
tion-eater, who pIundered and burned
the offending village. The vassal de-
camped with his tribe.
"Well, about three months after this.
about daylight. was aroused by a
great uproar. -. Out I ran at once
and perceived that Ms premises
were being sacked by the rebellious
vassaI who -. was taking this means
OF revenging himself for the rough
handling he had received from our
chief. Men were rushing in mad haste