davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

~ n 80. n y ~ 81 14< = .x.:.. ~
Wit has been deflne as tne Az u ssseI =
oneself dislikeqs z z.
And certain ~ ~ t1 en e.1 = -. $3.50
more isplatlng tnqn repusatlph iol
pointed things. 8 k...s.. y !. 3. II ~. ~,
n we admire cleseS ppA \ = ess ~ -
OF them 49,.
DO not deny tnas Ing. 49, y 1919 =
pleasure IN msklns plk 1850. 800 ~ s -.
laughter Of the hearels y sWss. g sne ~
the admirng glances hAsssr ~
we At once move mo sss spoelsn ~, $3.50 "
come the circe .ous ]. = - 81
Ft g great priee--tne pf,ce q 49, 49,
Inc sense q pOwss ~ - T. $50 z
Always SWEEP. t...,.s 49, &. 49,.
y s ~ ~, { -. N s'' y, 's.ii g
sns y = j :. ~. Il
But we ougnt not ~ n ~, r1e - =
an edge 81 pitseIlessIth 1870. ~
mo poison Ike the ieesanss 81 Isliers.
For this reason the last days Of great
Wit are likely to be wretched he finds MIN
self stunned. He sees with amusement fnat
the duh man is closing his career surrcunded
by loving friends He cannot understsna IL
The reason Is simple Inc clever man nas
burned the ccmmoner, nearer goods q love
and companionship on the altar fircs Of
praise.
U n knew ! preacher who was the wittiest
{ man n town. He was sought for all fsstsl
soccas;ons: his extemporaneous talks made
IA banuueters roar with glee. His ban mots
sTsrs' enacted He was praised, adnised. Then
s I;ttie difficulty arose N his church and he
was astoundsd ana chasrined 10 find the
r. M snd v;ror e his enemies they aross
/ a one man, also as one woman. and drove
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
Forum Of The People
BIlIboard Company WIN Cooperate

To the Editor of The Age-Herald:
We wish to take this opportunity of
thanking you for the fairness OF your edi-
torial in Mondays Age Herald, which read,
in part, as follows:
II is discovered that there Is legiti-
mate manner Of making billboard dis
plays without sacrifice Of either the pub
lie right or the advertising purpose.
Our. views coincide exactly with yours as
expressed in this editorial. This company
has always endeavored to place its bulletin
boards 30 that they could not possibly In
fringe upon the rights of others, and we have
at all times been in full sympathy with those
who have tried to rid the highways Of the
small unsigh tlys cardboard and tin signs which
have been "sniped" on every available foot
Of space on the highways.
Unfortunately this type Of sign is clAssit
fled by the uninitiAted under the head Of bill
boards" This works a hardship on the legit-
innate billboard and painted bulletin COM
panies. whom the public win always find
willing to cooperate with. them in placing
their bulletins so as not 70 mar the scenery
or destroy the beauties Of our highway
THOS. CUSACK COMPANY.
By K. II. ConpelL Manager Birmingham
Branch. @
Birmingham, Ala, May s, 1924.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
Watching The Parade

We had big doings in our town not long
ago. All Of us got into our best hibs and
fuckers and polished our shoes and used
our society language. One Of those present
was a tall man in uniform whose face seemed
vaguely familiar to me. His breast was COW
cred with European decorations y
,sssWho's ,that?1 asked.
Gen. ,Biaskovitch," was the reply, s'Or
something like that. Anyhow, he's Rus
sian general, or used TO be-"
i thought no more Of the general In the
excitement Of meeting Gertie Flynn In her
new dress. But few days later / met the
general In the grocery store where get my
eggs and bacon. He wore ordinary clothes
and talked very good English, as I discov-
cred by tuning in. The grocer told me that
he got ell his strictly fresh eggs from the
general, and being an ees-hound with pro-
nOuhced views 40 to age and quality in this
edible, introduced myself and told the gen.
eral how much / liked his goods S6swe be-
came friends. ysas
But are yen not unhappy" asked after
/ knew him well enough. "You used to be
at the court Of the Car and now you sell
eggs to grocefs.y
II am sixty years old" said the general
"and ! have nsFer before been happy in my
lafe.s
He was ruined By the revolution, he esaid
although he had fairly well ruined himself
long before. He barely managed toaaescape
with bis life from the Bolsheviki Instead
of running taxicab or restaurant, as dc
most Russian aristocrats, apparently, be
went into the egg business. He said that
events had convinced him that he did not
have brain enough for any other business
Il thought 4 had brains enough to deal
with hens, he said with smile. eg
For time even that was doubtful. Nov
he has mastered the trick Of getting his hens
to lay enough eggs to show a profit He il
more interesting, he told me, to deal witt
hens than with soldiers. And he il prout
of the quality of the eggs he sells. IS
AFTER ALL he said, shat is why ] an
happy. / have never been proud before
Never before did know what you American
call Deliver the goods nj.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
TIE DUTY no The SCHOOLS

While Il is true, as has been stated, that
responsibility for public education facilities
rkefs largely upon the governmental and
srh66l authorities, that responsibility has
been met in measure through the conpre-
hensive school survey recently published, and
the calling Of an election to determine
whether the needful funds shall be voted by
the people. The situation has been clearly
and inApressively set forth by the authorities
From the detailed statements founded on
careful study Of conditions, the public has
been fully advised as to the needs, The ca
naeiky of the community to finance these ina
mediate needs has been assured by the com
nnittee of financiers who went thoroughly
into the municipality's resources.
The responsibility, therefore, for the sue
cssssor failure of the bond issue and results
has been shifted to the voters. 1t is for them
Is say whether the pressing needs OF the
schools shall be provided, and whether these
naeAs shall be supplemented by adequate
library facilities to be obtained from the pro-
noaed library bond issue. It remains for the
voters to do their duty to the children by
zivinx them proper school advantages, and,
through this medium, to serve the commu-
nifty.
The schools are in large measure the foun-
astion of moral, social and material progress
ire schools are, next to the public health,
he most important public community asset.
Education and health are 50 closely asso-
cidsed and so inter-dependent and supple
inentary in their influence and productive"
nass that it is hard to separate them as agen-
clss in fostering the public welfare. The
z2sat majority Of the people of this COM
1auntty are friends of the public schools.
n a probable that large majority favor
the passake of the proposed bond issue as
ia only effective means at this time OF solvT
ine the problem. 1t is for this majority to
Sake netting for granted as to the ISSUE but
Is register their attitude at the polls next
,Tesk and give the schools and the library an
6F,pcrtunity to function in the progress ana
69oAberity of Birmingham.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
.,sr ApT m DoDCINC TAXES

IS 40 heen said that a practical idea Is
sssTfh moro to industrial interests than tine
5ss sal necessary to put it to work. mat
"a souhlIy true in the public service. Tnere
n nrxreely community in this country
x1j1h Is not burdened because OF tax-dodgng
Hf kikh and low degree. The federal govern
1isnt. the states, the counties and the cues
sfe IN suffering from this provokinS ana 70
s<.rs1enfiy increasing practice. Because OF
$50 snfIIions of dollars are lost to public
ssn'ssfion. public health needs public I'M
,,Ssteoeuts of all kinds which could otner-
sy,sb readily be financed. Those who can
sls& ~ materially reduce, this evil would
81 subtle benefactors.
IS Tnieht REQUIRE some original ideas to do
,<hft, ear tax-dodginR seems to be regarded
- i nriyilege the world over. The only JUS
flfIestion offered for its practice seems to
81 he ability to get away with It. he "no
go furnish a cure that viii function de-
pe substantial reward. IL Is not al
xsSSe the man with the pull who gets up IN
sEs rogId. The history Of economic, edu-
KS f,or,M and political progress shows that
fifiasaee and application insure advance
s9sf especially when they are supported by
Iea.
AZ employe in the French governments
department noted that tax-dodging had
ONE more serious since the World War.
hatever the cause, millions of francs due
liz government were escaping. The en-
pioTe's duty was to collect dog-taxes. He
realized that the French possessed a
esnins for lodging the public dog tax, which
SCI the emplOye to thinking, as result OF
which he had an idea and put it to work.
re practiced barking, and became so efficient
IS the art that few dogs could detect the i'm
itaticn. Then he went around to houses
where dogs were suspected of boarding, and
when he barked he usually got rise" By
c6nsulting his books he found that large
rrcenfage Of the owners paid no licenses.
Me set about reform as the result of which
many past-due taxes found their way into the
public treasury.
There are ways to collect taxes, even
though the collector may have to originate an
iae4 to do it. Alabama, Jefferson county
ana Birmingham are in the habit Of pleading
beverly when public improvements are pro-
posed. That is because those who are in
charge Of their taxassessing and taY-gath-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
,r 70 CLEANUP WEEK

tssig S.,,.tsnt;aI benefits from the an-uP
!. -, ,yhich started Monday to continue
ts-cs,vh the week, are not the immeoiate &c
S,,ts ~ the campaign. It is well enousn
- hsv. a weeks cleanup. 1t VIII proouee
sorne temporary Improvement. Mucn III. ~
and trash will have been gotten ria .. .n =.
xay which otherwise would nave auue
fhe accumulation. A Datn even 0n'e -
While 10 better than none at ali.
The real benefit to be derived from ,nis
scanspaign is its illustrative lesson. WIZ
sbonsehclders and others Responsible ior .ne
condition and appearances OF tneir ptem sss.
800, ,ct;v;ty in this respect they WIN De
;,nnressed. All who learn and apply tne
lesson viii have contributed not only To-
,s.ras their own betterment, but TO com
v.ur;tv improyement The value OF sucn
csmnaien is not confined alone 70 ftne
aeathetic benefits from cleaner Streets a.
49, .,,a Yards. but contributes to the public
health. which is the greater consideration
srbere ID hone that this factor in the clean
~, xrili be Of permanent public benefit. Jas
usi inspection of the streets, Alleys puDlc
sro,,,,Sa and the premises of many house
hSISern and business enterprises in Birming
har. aynnhasizes the need for cleanliness an
! Dersnanent policy. There Is much room ZOE
inproyement with a little cooperative et-
foFt by all. Not only should the citizens
join freely in the purpose and program, but
re city authorities should set wholesome
and effective example by continuous policy
81 public cleanliness. It IL the duty from a
civic standpoint for the people to do their
cart in keeping Birmingham clean and
healthy; but it is mandatory on the puoiic
suthority within their jurisdiction, not only
Is keep the streets and public grounds Clean
but TO require any recaicitrants among inci-
ylduals to observe all legal regulations In
tAis respect. If the enterprise Is % directed
ana put on a permanent basis, results VIII
be beneficial to every resident, and Birming-
ham viii be a much more inviting ana
much safer place to live in.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

Early developments indicate that more
than ever this summer the menace Of the
highways will be the drunken driver Every
weekend brings its flock Of this dangerous
species.
In view of this situation, no thoughtful
persons take to the road with the same COM
forting feeling of safety that once was part
Of the riding program. The increase in the
drunken driver has given to motoring a de-
cidedly disagreeable sensation.
To the police, the juries and the courts
the people look for protection. At the same
time they ought to be licking TO themselves
for sanity, Among these agencies must be
found measures to drive the drunken driver
from the steering wheel. BY creating senti-
ment against the practice every person can
contribute something Harrisburg Patriot
ONE PHASE OF SPRING FEAR
Spring makes everybody want to be some
where else, even after they get there Har-
risburg Patriot
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
THE WORD aMELLIFLUOUs"

Honey is concealed, and not very closely,
in the word ''mellifluous." Traced to its
Latin origin, it means literally flowing with
honey" (from mel" honey, and 'fluo," to
flow.
The word is sometimes used figuratively, to
designate speech that is too good to be true.
But generally it expresses the exact idea
indicated by it's formation.
There are mellifluous voices, some Of
which have been or still are heard in the
concert halls of New York and in the Met
ropolitan Opera House. Perhaps the most
noted of these voices in the memory Of the
present generation Is that OF EnricO Ca
russo, in which the s'honey" appealed dis
tinctly to the senses.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

,,r6sn.r;tr st;li r,,,st ~ at&asnAd n YnAaaa
ne S,,,,.,ss th;s sIossn - "
; <; assco,,rss;ns - s.s+sn.nt msae ~ H..
F,elds wss that th;rtv.s;r -sper7 cent. 81 fhe
fsrn,s i, Al ssss havs ~ Goes THAT u,asns
thouss y,las ~, ,,,dsrno,,r;shsd children h that
state ssd' ;ronrorer d;et, FAR mans sduIts.
ITndsrna,,r ;shs5, ch;Jdrer < are bsarr ia.
h;l;tv rsster;sllv. not - rneat az tbs moral
and social bsn5;csns (,nws are ma less nee
esssrv for hui,a;nr h.slth fbsn n nroyidinr
yssaith sna ths t,,n srs ~ rlosely affsi;sted
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
Music Ind Life

~
Ponder; II you please, these extracts from
the report 1T recent address by . wen.
known Boston professional man, William p.
Nickersou, to 1 group Of young men soon to
bekii, professional and business careers y
Il have given much time and thought to
the higher forms Of music not as per-
former, but-as listener and reader. be-
lieve this form Of recreation Is well worth
the attention Of any busy man Of affairs. .
IF an idealist needs some contact with
hard matters Of fact, to keep his head below
the clouds so that be may see where he really
is, 80 a practical scientist or professional or
business man needs an artistic outlook Of
some kind to lift his vision at times above
and away from the world Of rigid facts in
order that his mind and character may be
narrow.
After all, what are science and industry
and commerce and finance worth beyond
serving az supports for the Intellectual life
Of the racer The material world is Of little
consequence to us, excepting as It ministers
to our mental and spiritual life"
This IL the eoundest sort Of doctrine, and
doctrine never more ia need Of stressins than
today. Too generally men seem to Be for
getting that material accomplishment IL i1ol
life's chief purpose II Is largely because oi
this forgetting that dieeontent and disshtis.
faction now are widespread.
Much would be gained ifsonly men could
be persuaded to give more thought to the
arts, as well as to the teachings Of religion
and philosophy. And, among the arts, music
may rightly claim prfmacy 80 an aid to the
perception Of ideal values
Some one has with reason called it the Ian.
gnage Of the soul. Certainly under the inflp.
ence Of nnsie-that is, Of real music not the
morbid diseOnanees falsely laUAllAd music by
their ieuretic coinpOsers--the soul, the larger
self in evers man, finds freer expression.
Tranquility thereby Is gained. and, &C the
same time stimulus to nobler effort.
Aspiration takes the place OF striving fol-
petty ends There Il q quickenins Of the
altruistie impulse so commonly renressed
and deAdened In the struggle for material
well-being From music, in word, comes
personal enlargement and enrichment Of ths
finest kind
oneself a real service II Ia to fit oneself
the better for. the business Of living. mia
understood by 30 many to their ultimate
bitter regret. 1t is to add sweetness snt
light TO existence, to a degree undreaned b.
all who foolishly tell themselves that they
are too busy" to take time for music o.
any other art.
May the day soon come when music't
claims win not have to be insistently urget
and defended and expounded. as BY Mr.. Nick
erson in the passage quoted. May the day
come when all men win spontaneously &C
cord to music the place Il should have II
the day by day life Of every human being.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

Readers are requested to contribute.
All humor: epigrams Tor humorous mot
toes), jokes, anecdotes. poetry, burlesqne.
satires and bright sayings Of chIldren
must be original and unpublished Ae-
cepted material will be paid for at sched-
ule rates. which viii be furnished on ap-
plication. Ali manuscripts must be writ
ten ON one side of the paper only, should
bear the name of this newspaper, and
should be addressed to the Fun, Shop.
care Age-Herald. Unaccepted contribu-
tons cannot be returned.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
Geraniunls
(TbedOsIa GarrisOn in EverybOdy,sl

(Tbedosia Garrison in Everybody's)
OF all the flowers east and west,
/ like geraniums the best ~
In bingham gowns they seem to dress,
Yet lose no whit of loneliness. g9L
OF wholesome things they make one think
OF applies and new milk to drink
And pleasant neighbors met to talk
About the porch and garden walk
And Joan and Darby, smiling still
Al posies on their window sill.
They are as commonplace and right
As books and tea and candle light
And all about them is the scent
OF home and comfort and content.
Roses and romance have their place.
But here's an old friends honest face.6l
And who would trade so good a thing
For all the brief coquettes Of spring?
OF all the flowers east and west,
IKE gerapiums the best
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

Retanafinn

Retaliation
lAn Interview With Grab, Freshly Caughtl
Now, look heah, Mister Crab,
Don't ack up 80
/ got you fas'-I amt
, Gwine let You 60!
Ranbunctious,S is 5ou, Grab
An kickin' strong?
De fus' thing you don't know
You'll git in wrong!
Don't wave dem claws 50 fur,
Ner yet so fas'
Don't, champ dem jaws at me
Don't gimme sassl
Keep still-you done got cotrh,
An dat's a fac
,6If you tries bitin' me
M I'1l-bite you back
RoselIe MERCER Montsoraefy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
BANKERS AND FARMERs

In an informing address before the Ar
kansas Bankers Association, John Fields, of
Oklahoma, an Observant and successful
banker and farmer, emphasized the respOn-
sibility of bankers for farmers troubles, if
they failed to use their influence as con-
trollers Of credit to induce farmers to grow
food and feed. Mr.. Fields Is the originator
of the SOW, COW and hen slogan which did
much to awaken farmers the country over to
their failure to grasp profitable opportuni-
ties in these side lines. He said that farm
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07

what the wsII-Drsssed Man WIN Wc&r
Iooseness win Be the predominant note
ia mei,'s clothes this season. The balloons tire
Influence is particularly marked IN tfoisers
ana knickers Trousers have thssheli or
q. S. Navy effect at the ankles. The first
impression you get AZ You look at the we'll
dressed male this season il that he has his
trousers on upside down.
There il twice ss much cloth II q pair
Of mems pants Cor rather in q mans pair
Of pantsl this year. This is a conservative
estimate It gives the wearer the feeling
therel d only half as much man inf them.
This also is conservative. No excuse for the
action Of the tailors in flooding the market
with superfluous cloth has been given. Con-
sress win investigate. When a tailor DELHI
erately gives you more cloth than you're en-
titled to there's something wrong.
The Influence IL English. America will not
take orders from any country on immigra-
ton. ship movements, etc, but any nation can
tell us Whist to wear. 1888
The Prince Of Wales has really established
the styles this year. Loose, clothes are his
favorite. They make a. young man look
just as well whether he's standing, sitting,
lying or flying.
And they keep you correctly tailored no
matter whether you're right side up or not
Knickerbcckers are even more strikinely
diversified. They are In fact 90 loose and
ample that for the first time in history IL
may be said a man can put his trousers on
over his head.
They resemble in general architecture and
Arrangement the garments called boomers
and worn hy lady bicyclists in the eos They
ARE really two fifteen-gallon sleeves with con-
meeting buikhead. The average man has all
ways been good for a laugh in pair of
knickers, but this year he's an all-day enter
tainment.
No golf club member can be considered
well dressed this summer without them. The
best country clubs. In fact, make them COM
pulsory as they are Of great value in bring
ing In new members. It is possible to bring
In three or four new members in one pair
of pants.
The clothing advertisements describe these
1924 kniekers as giving "the necessary free
dom. Years ago We got our freedom lin our
institutions and laws. Now we get It in our
knickerbockers.
Coats and waistcoats reflect the bumper
cloth crop. too. The fitted-waist is gone and
the belted-back viii be used only in theatrical
road companies playing their fifth season
with the original costumes. One button sin
gle-breasted jackets are quite the cspsr4 What
the tailors lose in cloth they make up in but
tons.
With the single-breasted jacket the double
breasted waistcoat Is the style, for no good
reason. ssN
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-07
TI,e Pet Python

The Peg Fytn0El
"a "Reminiscences By DR.. Tfaprock)
had asked my friend Tfaprcck If Ne be-
lieved the story Of the faithful fattleenake
which held up burglar while he stuck his
tail out of the window and ratified for the
police.
absolutely" said the great traveller. do
you see that snake-skin draped over the
mantel? That was once worn By Bettina,
my pet python, whom ! captured near the
waterhole of Rhat in the Sahara. always
use the Hindoo method in capturing reptiles,
viz: to charm them with music. used to
90 out on the edge Of the oasis with my
harmonica and found that the Banana
Song went just as big with the animal king
dom as with humans. One day as / was
playing it over softly felt the plant folds
of Bettina gently wrapping herself around
me. From then on we became inseparable
companions
"She used to sleep coiled about my waist,
and very useful she was, too, for in this
land of surprisingly GOLD nights, she took
the place of hot-water bottle admirably.
"And then came the tragedyA fire. Fire
in the desert is terrible because 1t Il an IN,
usual thing In the matched buildings which
formed a court around the principal well
were. stored all our supplies. The roofs were
Of camel's hair. With our primitive equip
ment of skin-buckets we were terribly hAndi-
capped. If we only had hose 81.
'As if reading my thoughts, Bettina crept
TO my feet. As plainly as snake could. she
said Use me- hated to do II, but it was
the only way. We reamed the faithful reptile
out with a carefully sharpened egg-beater,
connected one end with the well, hooked up
a bicycle pump and soon had the flames nm
der control.
"But / can never look at that skin with
out my eyes filling with tears. For if ever a
snake sacrificed herself for her master II
was Bettina.'
When there's 50 much cigarette smoke
there must be a debutante