davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1924-06-27
AS THEY DO
IN UTOPIA
RY les ConkIin..

ny NDER the laws of Utopia,
only 10 per cent Of the
~ country's engaged couples
are allowed to marry in June. the
others being forced to wait until
some other month. This gives the
man a chance to buy wedding
presents for all his lady friends
without straining his pocketbook.
Ministers are not paid until one
year after the ceremony. Then
they receive whatever the bride
groom thinks his wife is worth.
Most Of the parsons receive little
or no compensation under this
plan, but there is always some
sap who contributes 500 because
he thinks he has got a bargain.
Private trains, known as Honey.
moon Specials, carry the honey
mooners to the seashore. These
train are manned by blind con-
ductors and deaf and dumb por-
tiers.
Utopian weddings are elaborate
affairs. Everything is decorated
in white, strips of macaroni be-
ing draped over the pews to match
the brides wedding dress.
All the church doors are pad
locked so that the bridegroom
cannot run away when the cers-
mony begins. He is supported by
ankle braces, in case he should
collapse at the last minute.
The bride wears a white dress
and a smile Of triumph. She
glances fondly at the groom from
time to time, and listens to the
advice of old maids on how to
manage her husband.
Tradesmen to whom the bride.
groom owes money are allowed TO
watch the ceremony, but are park
ed in one corner of the church.
Armed guards prevent them from
carrying away the wedding pres.
ents.
y Girls VIII owere Tilted by the
bridegroom at enc time or another
stand In the opposite corner and
reflect how lucky they were. Their
costumes are decorated with sprigs
Of poison ivy and punches OF sour
grapes.
1t is the custom in Utopia for
the brides parents to cry while
the ceremony is being performed.
After their daughter has finally
been taken off their hands, they
can go home and enjoy a good
laugh.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

Of the most wonderful skin whiten-
er, softener and beautifier.
Massage this sweetly fragrant
lemon bleach into the face, neck,
arms and hands. 1t can not irri-
tate. Famous stage beauties use
It to bring that clear, youthful
skin and rosy-white complexion;
also as a freckle, sunburn and tan
bleach, You must mix this remark
able lotion yourself. 1t can not be
bought ready to. use because it
acts best Immediately after it is
prepared.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27
For June Brides.

All mention OF money should
be avoided until after the knot is
tied. More than one girl has
been left waiting at the altar, all
on account of asking her hus.
band-to-be for taxi fare to the
church,
The Washington times., 1924-06-27
Lemon Juice
Whitens Skin

The only harm
less way to bleach
the skin white is to
mix the Juice of
two lemons with
three ounces of
Orc h ard White,
which any druggist
will supply for a
few cents. Shake
well in a bottle.
and you have a
whole nIIo rfor.r1inf
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

He got up the next morning all
tired out. He dreamed that he
had been detouring all night.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

He never goes to sleep now
until the finds out how the roads
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

He puts his pajamas on and
then consults the map to see
whether the roads are concrete or
gravel.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

Another fellow tried to make a
sedan out Of an old army cot.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

It's nothing to see him at the
foot of the bed at o'clock in the
morning changing a tire.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

He took the castors OFF and
equipped it with balloon tires.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

One night he dreamed it was
raining and he got out to put the
skid chains on.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

Somebody in the next room was
snoring and he thought it was a
car behind him trying to pass.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27
SLEEPING
MOTORISTS

RoTOR1NG is getting to be
U. so enjoyable lately that a
AA lot of people are convert
Ing their beds into touring cars,
SO that they can drive while they
sleep.
One man had running boards
and a steering wheel put on the
sofa.
He took the casters off and
equipped it with balloon tires.
Another fellow tried to make a
sedan out of an old army cot.
He got up the next morning all
tired out. He dreamed that he
had been detouring all night.
He never goes to sleep now
until the finds out how the roads
are.
He puts his pajamas on and
then consults the map to see
whether the roads are concrete or
gravel.
It's nothing to see him at the
foot Of the bed at o'clock in the
morning changing a tire.
One night he dreamed it was
raining and he got out to put the
skid chains on.
Somebody in the next room was
snoring and he thought it was a
car behind him trying to pass.
He always goes to bed with his
hand out In case he wants to turn
q corner while he's sleeping.
His mind finally got so cold
that he decided to buy a stop
light.
His electric bill was so high at
the end of the month that now
his wife won't let him drive in his
sleep unless he uses the DINNERS.
= But he complains that the
bright lights Of the other ma.
chimes blind him.
He woke up the other night and
&OlNA HIS W1AC IA41I IAACy WOAO (OAA
miles out in the country with no
4 gasoline.
She told him not to worry as
they were on hill and could
coast back to town.
Twenty minutes later she caught
him walking all around the room
looking for a garage.
Then he began arguing with a
clothes tree. He thought it was
q traffic cop.
Half the people in this country
drive in their sleep during the
night and the other half sleep
while they're driving in the day
time.
Copyright. 1924. King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

He always goes to bed with his
hand out in case he wants to turn
q corner while he's sleeping.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

One man had running boards
and a steering wheel put on the
sofa.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

His mind finally got so cold
that he decided to buy a stop
light.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

His electric bill was so high at
the end of the month that now
his wife won't let him drive in his
sleep unless he uses the DINNERS.
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

TY NDER the laws Of Utopia.
only 10 per cent Of the
~ country's engaged couples
The Washington times., 1924-06-27

2. But he complains that the
bright lights Of the other ma
chimes blind him.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

mile southwest of Paris Hill on the
old road from Paris Hill TO South
Paris. it has stood for almost CEN
fury a silent and dignifed tribute to
the memory of a man who was once
a stirring and public spirited man.
far beyond the average in intellect
and executive ability. DIR. Benjamin
Chandler. as the history tells us
was much beloved and respected in
his day, and was honored by giving
him many and important positions.
Besides practicing at his profession
he was at different times town clerk,
and judge of probate. and when the
State of Maine was set off from
Massachusetts. he was sent to Bos-
ton as delegate to represent the town
of Paris. | walked by his grave one
day last fall. and much to my sur
prise / found that the granite slab
that is supported on four posts had
been taken off. and was lying at one
side of the tomb. l reported to the
officers of the Baptist Sunday School
non Paris HILL to whom DR.. Chandler
willed this lot of land and orchard
surrounding the tomb lot, and the
slab was again put in place as it was
before. Last Sunday | walked that
way again. and to my surprise the
slab was again on the ground, and
this time it is broken in two pieces.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
BASEBALL AND

There are efficiency experts for
nearly every enterprise under the
sun: there are soothsayers and magi-
clans for every known kind ot sport,
but whether there are enough experts
in psychology 10 go around. that all
Interested may get "a line" on the
public whims. IL questioned, dope
sheets" TO the contrary notwithstand-
ing
This Is long way 10 get at the
crux. which In other words II the
"why" Augusta people are somewhat
lacking In appreciation Of a good
thing right here at home. why they
don't lend their presence to as good
games OF ball as ever were played In
Augusta.
Augusta has team OF which II has
every reason to be proud. managed by
one who Is proven a good manager.
Under him. this season. the team has
climbed from the bottom to the top,
Haven't we any pride in-such a
A prophet is said not TO he without
honor save In his own country; is
that the reason Augusta is a drawing
card at every game away from home
Other folks appreciate the clean,
skilfu. plucky game the Augusta
boys put up" They deserve that
appreciation right here at home.
We hear much about the women
being Interested In athletics. but Au-
susta women seem to prefer witness
ing Why She Flew the Coop. 3 re-
vealed on the screen. However. she
is entitled TO her choice. hut display
Of millinery at the ball games would
lend encouragement to deserving
lot OF ball players. and help TO get
this clean sport humm'ng as II
should hum.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
!sSf1I.,1rr1EJAck. RoABpur
sts|l-.Fsss=|s+ 1:. .sy DAVID CORY;
DAVID CORY;

path to the left until he came to a
stop right in front of the Three in
One-Cent Store.
What did Mother wish me to
get?" sighed the bunny boy in a
whisper to himSelf.-not very loud.
but loud enough for Bobbie Redvest
to hear.
"A clothespin,' answered that
dear little bird.
"Oh. thank you." cried the bunny
boy. How did YOU guess it?"
Il didn't" answered Bobbie Red
vest. Il heard Lady Love tell you
as YOU hoped out of the little
bungalow"
I'll so right in the store and get
that clothespin before | forget" re-
piled the litt1e rabbit. And in he
hoped, quick as a wink, to see the
lady pig dressed in PINK.
only one Clothespin ." she asked
with a smile that dimpled her cheeks
up nearly mile.
That's ALL" sighed the bunny boy
Maybe Mother thought l couldn't
remember more than one. Dear me,
l have dreadful poor memory.
Wish I could get another" and he
lODh the tlOllltSplIl anu IippPth w ~
Then, away he went. clipperty clip.
lipperty lip, up the winding path by
the Bubhling Brook through
Glover Dell and Messy Nook.
Dear me, l hope the clothespin
doesn't drop out of his pocket before
he reaches the dear Old Bramhle
Patch. But it didn't. thank good
ness.
Here It is" he shouted. hopping
out to the ward behind the little
bungalow. where Lady Love was
hanging up the clothes and reaching
up high on her tippy toes.
That's Mothers good little boy
she laughed leaning down to kiss
him. You're Just in time. | need
one more pin for your pink pa
jamas."
And in the next story you SHAH
hear what happened after that, un-
less. of course. my typewriter gets
the hopping cough.
Copyright 1874. David Cory
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
Saturday, July s, 1924
MUST ENCOURAGE THEM TO
COME

Anyone who had occasion to min
gle in the thoroughbred OF travel
the past few days will not md It
difficult to believe the statement
based on data obtained by organiza-
tions having to do with the travelling
public, the statement that ffty-two
million dollars are brought In and
left throughout Maine by some teven
hundred thousand people who like
10 visit Maine. and do 30.
Aside from the dollars Maine
should derive beneht from contact
with seven hundred thousand
people from outside the state,
should find their acquaintance
profitable otherwise than fnan-
ciafy. Yet the Maine Public
Bureau thinks we should have
even more visitors. and tells Us that
places Ike Florida by their extensive
advertising get people to take their
vacations there during the winter
months instead or In Maine during
the summer months. Something in
that. probably. There are people
who can get off for month or two.
but not for the entire twelve months.
II they spend their winters In
Florida or California they. or many
OF them. are likely 10 spend their
summers at home, and that means
they don't come to Maine. Next
year. anyway. they ought TO be In
duced to take their vacations In the
aummer-nnd In Maine.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

Free Baptist Church, Rev. f. L.
Converse, pastor: residence, Stinson
avenue. Sunday services at 1890
and Z o'clock; Sunday School at
1l.45, Miss Lena Marsh, seuperinten-
dent; PRAYER meeting Wednesday ev-
ening at 7.30.
Methodist Episcopal Church. Rev.
c. l.. Wheaton, pastor. Morning
worship at 1870 A N. Sunday
School at 11.4J. Evening worship
at ZOO Song Service and Sermon
by the pastor. Prayer-meetinE,
Wednesday night at 40 A cordial
welcome is extended to all.
Uniyersalist Church. Rev. Frank
L. Cam, minister. Sunday morning
service at 1880. Sunday School at
i NJ. Regular business meeting Of
Sunday School the first Sunday ev-
ening OF each month, in church par
lors. Mission Circle meets the first
Tuesday eve2ing of each month, at
the homes. The Ladies' Aid Society
holds its regular meetings alternate
Thursdays II 80 p m. in the church
parlors. The Clara Barton Guild
meets the first and third FRIDAYS of
each month at p. m.
The Mems Club meets the second
and fourth Wednesdays each month
al 80 2. n. in the church dining
room.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
TRYING TO BE HELPFUL

The administration In some OF the
departments has been doing excel
lent work correcting the mistakes
ami delinauencies Of Congress. Take
the overrayment of the income tax
for instance. Congress made no pro-
vision for retunding around sixteen
million dollars. which was paid.
March is. over and above the
amounts required under the amend
Cd law.
Neither had money been provided
by Congress with which to make the
refund nor for the interest on the
amounts in the Governments pos
session when It belonged to the tax
payer. And while this administra-
tom no more than others, can be
expected to make bricks without
straw It does possess gumption and
a disposition to make use OF II. So,
when the taxpayer gets his refund
check OF 20 per cent OF the tax paid,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

him. What shall we do? What
shall we do?"
His voice broke. He leaned
against the wall for support. He
was an old man. with a kindly face.
crowned with snowy hair. For
many years he had been Mr.. Rice's
butler. and the relations between
them were something more than that
Of master and servant Tears were
streaming down his face. and his
hands were trembling. as he looked
appealingly at BARLEY.
BARLEY did not speak for a mo-
ment | saw his face soften. then
he placed his arm around the
shoulder Of the butler. holding IL
there for moment without speak
ing
Richards" he said. its very sad.
suppose you take us into the little
smoking room and tell US what hap
pehed- Have the police arrived vet ?"
The butler. remembering his posi-
tlon. started to lead us down the
VIDE hall. He walked slowly and
Ieeniy. BY the open door Of the
niue room he paused and then led
rs in II was small room. off
the great living room. Then. as IL
remembering the question he had
peen asked, he turned to US:
NJ telephoned the police a while
ago. They said they would run
right down"
lie hesitated as IL not knowing
what 70 say or do. BARLEY placed
chair by his side and motioned
LOT him to take it. could see that
ne would have to be accustomed n
we were to discover what had oc-
CURED. He was in no condition to
give any information himself: sit
ing on the edge Of the chair like a
man stunned. So BARLEY told him
10 tell US all that had taken place
where they had found Rice and
when. N
Even then the butler was unable
lot some moments to speak. and n
was only after BARLEY had re-
peated his request several times that
ne seemed TO understand what was
wanted. Then in low voice. ston-
ping at every word, hesitating and
repeating. he began:
Why 1t was, sir, this morning At
Taybe haf-rast s, Miss Faith asked
me to telfNher father she was wait
ing for MIN to have breakfast WITH
her. Mr.. Rice. as a rule, ate alone
At ~. but last night he and Miss
Firth agreed to eat together This
morning at $3.50"
He paused. his voice breaking at
the thought, then added. "The Door
poor girl. ID was to be her last
breakfast with her father before she
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
Fare Portland to Boston
and return
$500
jIy3dSt

was married" We waited for him
to recover. and he went on.
MT. Rice. as you know. Mr.. Bart
ley. hHs his library on the top noon
1t takes in almost all the floor e1-
cept for little office. His sleeping
rooms, as you know. are on the
third floor. | went to his suite ana
knocked. He did not open the door
or say word. SO / Knocked again.
then opened the door and looked H.
He was not there" >,
THE bed had not been slept in"
asked BARLEY.
NO, sir; not touched at all.
wondered where he had been, 70
went to the top floor thinking he
might be there. But the library
door was locked and / could not
find him around the house. The
detectives said they had seen him
in the room last night. but did mol
see him leave"
The detectives" broke in Dartlsy
in an astonished voice. what under
heavens do you mean"
why. sir. we had two detectives
guarding the presents. The wedding
presents are very valuable. ana
were all displayed In the library al
the top Of the house. Mr.. Rice mad
two detectives here, they came last
night"
There was a curious look on Bart
ley's face. do you mean those men
spent the night in the room with
the wedding gifts?"
oh. no, sir. Mr.. Rice said that
was foolish. The presents were on
the fourth floor, and the only way 10
get to that floor is by the elevator.
One of them stayed on this floor
and the other spent most Of ms
time between the second and third
floors, watching the elevator"
The elevator" ! asked
BARLEY turned to me. Yes, Pelt.
Not only are there the stairs leading
to the various floors. but also an
elevator. The stairs do not go 10
the fourth. floor. where Mr.. Rice
keeps lis manuscripts. The only
way to reach that floor is by the
elevator"
He turned to the butler. "You say
the door of the library was locked?"
Yes. sir. it was barred or locked
all night"
BARLEY gave a low whistle.
could see that he was upset over
something. He turned to me.
Pelt." he said, here is queer
thing. Mr.. Rice seems to have been
murdered with two detectives In his
house"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

Let us ponder a minute or two.
Where did We leave off. me and
you?
Now l remember. We're puzzled no
more.
The bunny boys hopping down to
the store.
The Three-in- One-Cent Store in
Rahbitvile, you know, where all the
Little People of the Shady Forest
buy
Needles and pins. worsted and silk,
Prunes and potatoes, sugar and
milk.
Dear me-" sighed Little Jack
Rabbit. must not forget the
clothespin for Mother. Monday is
washday." and away he hoped
faster than ever so as not to forget
before he reached the neat little
shop.
BY and by. after a while, and a
bump and a smile. and more than a
mile, he came to the bridge that
spanned the Bubbling Brook. But
he didn't cross over. No, indeedy.
If he had. he would have found him
self in Bunnybridge. the pretty little
town on the other bank Just over the
way. Instead he hoped down the
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
Railroads and Steamboat
MAINE CENTRAL RAlLRoAn
Eastern Standard Time
TEAMS LEAvK AUGusrA en~

Bangor. tl247 q. m. IL 0s Q. m. s3.3
e44S a, m. t9. 26 a. m. 50 ;4oa- m. tl22lps
t2.43 .. n., sos o. m, 1857 p. m.
B. A. Pts. tl2.A7 q. m. 1850 a. N, tan
.. m.
Bath. 1919 q. rn.. to.lo g. m. llo?Sa,
ta.o5p. m. 40. As o N.
Belfast. C4&5a. m, ta.26a. m. t243nu
Boston $3 IL a. m. rs, 10 a. m. talsan
$l0. IS D. NJ.
Calais. T2.soa. m, ti2.2l p. m.
Dover-Foxeroft. ca As a. m. ~ IS . m. /
Gardiner $3 IL a. m. II. 10 a. m. talqar
1904 a. m. Is. II p. M. a o5 p. m, fSlSp.
IS. SO D. m, f7l7 p. m. si0.&S .. n
Haioweli. IS, 10 a. m. %. ls m. tlo24au
1914 !, IN. taos p. m. ISIS p m. 1889 .. q
f7l7p. IN. Sl04S p. m.
HaEuouy. GAS a. m. - q p. n.
Lewiston t6 10 a. M. 70 10 q. m, ilosSan
taos D. m. 40 IS p. m.
New York, taos p m, $3.50 2. a
Portland. 1912 a m. t6.l9 a. m. telsan
si0c4 a m. t3.l4p m. taos p. m. 1888
f7.l7 r. m. 40 As p. m.
Rockland. ii. 10 a. m, ~. 10 a. m, t40Srn
SkowhcSan, C4AS a, m. 70 &c a. IN. No
A. m. II. AZ .. m, 1857 p. m.
So Gardiner. t6,le a IN. 70 10 a m Iioa
a. m. 1914 .. m. t5i5 p. M, $3.50 >. =
t7.l7 p. IN. %lo.4S p. m.
ST. John. tl2 AZ a M,
Waterville. tl247 a m, 81 oS a. m. '.s
a m. S445 a. m. 70 Is a. m. 50 40 a m. tl.s
%. m, t243 =. m. sS.oS p. m. 1887 p. m
Daily. Daily, except Sunday. Sunday ou.r
Daily, except Monday.
{ Except Sunday and McSday. ..
u. C. DOUGLASS. NJ. L. HARRIS,
e-cS-c4 V. =. x Geul Mgr. Geul Pass Ase,,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
PITTSFIEL.D

Mr.. and Mrs Earl McCausland.
Mr.. and Mrs, Roy Farnham. Mr..
and Mrs Raymond Hurd left early
Thursday for Pressure Isle to attend
the races and will visit with Mr. and
Mrs, Charles Mahoney at Woodland,
before returning home.
Miss Helen Pooler left Thursday
for visit with relatives in Boston.
Mr.. and Mrs. +. L. Henderson and
daughters, Gladys and Phyllis were
in town Friday for visit with rela-
tives.
Charles Harris has sold through
B, s. Mathews Real Estate Agency.
his property on the corner of Main
and Nichols street to Mrs. Annie
Murch of Belfast.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

This stone must weigh at least 800
pounds, and it is useless to think
that it's removal was the result Of
any accident. or that it was the mali
Cious work of small boys. The mon
ey value of this gravestone is but
little, and probably there are no
relatives living who will know about
this, or care to replace it. but its
value as a historical landmark Of
Paris cannot be estimated.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

March IL. he may thank the Secre-
tary OF the Treasury. who, however,
was under no official obligation to
do this: he might have left it to the
Congress next December to make the
refund
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05
Continued Monday

Mistress (to maid who has been I:
the dentis)-How many did he tai
out. Mary?
Mary-Three m; and IL you'd 81
what trouble he had with one of q
you'd have pitied ,him.-Lon
Punch,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-07-05

Eastern Steamship Lines
Inc.
Take advantage Of the reduced
round trip rate between Portland
and Boston during the week OF the
EIks Convention in Boston, from
July 9th to nth inclusive.