The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-04-24
The Once Orer
DUNN And Drummer On Ths Japanese Crisis
BY HI 1. PHILLIPS

DuNm Anu hummer va LIZ ooPs>'ser'O - -S>'
II see we have another Japanese crisis,
remarked Senator DUNN as he read the box
score of the, senate vote. ssesgs
!, That's the third this season, amt it!'
returned Representative Dummer.
Third or fourth, / don't know which,
agreed the senator. Japanese crises, like
the poor, we have always with us. We have
been having 'em ever since l was little
boy and remember my father and grand
father telling about EN-, too.5.
whats this one all abonts1 asked Dunn
mer q
Immigration" answered the senator.
Congress has passed the immigration meas
sure excluding Japanese from America
whats the reason for not granting the
Japs in?" asked Dummer.
Il dunno. 1t seems the Japanese have
earthquakes or sumpin replied Senator
DUNN, "and for-all we kaeNthey may be
catchin." ~
..Ain't we to let no Japs into the United
States at all?', demanded Dunmer
y Only enough to fill the juggling act re-
ouirements in American vaudeville houses
man the ping pong stands at the shore re-
sorts, give the freshman classes at Yale and
Harvard, their usual quota and see that the
New Rich get butlers,' replied the senator
I'm with the Japs on this question de-
clared Dummer "All of them that ever
saw were decent, law-abiding quiet little men
who minded their own business 1 couldn't
say as much for several other nationalities
that come pouring into the country twelve.
abreast from every ship. Maybe the Japs
wash too regularly to suit the immigration
specifications b
1T amt that" explained the senator.
"The point is here; japanese laborer can
live on half raw fish and handful of rice
a day. And he not only can but does. And
it would never do to let down the bars SO
he would be thrown into competition with
the American workingman who wants the
choice cuts of beef, mutton and pork, with
suitable vegetables, salads and pastries
thrown in. If you threw an American la.
borer slab of fresh picked mackerel or al
yard and half of eel with instructions to.
make three meals of it you can imagine the
howl that would go up
why can't we pass an Immigration law
letting the Japs into America with the ex-
press provision that they will cat just as
much food per day as the Itsiians Greeks,
Swedes, Poles, Russians, Turks, Austrians,i
Norwegians and the rest OF en-" demanded
Drummer. 80 .sg 4,
"How could you enforce IT. asked the.
senator. xE ~
Il would make. every Jap sign papers and
take an oath reading something like this:
i solemnly swear that If admitted to the
United States win eat regulation break
fast consisting of grapefruit, cereal, bacon
and eggs; luncheon Of meat, potatoes. cof-
fee and apple pie, and that at night l will
consume New England boiled dinner with
ice cream or French pastry"
1T might work." admitted the senator
1T would be only fair to the other labor
ing men," argued Drummer. I'VE gotta make
sure no laborer in the United States fails to
overeat.
1T would be terrible situation if lot
of Scandinavian. Russian and native labor
ers. all suffering from Indigestion and high
blood pressure, had to work alongside of
lot of Japs who were following the Eat and
Grow Thin rules
DO you think it will mean war with ia
PAM" he asked moment later.
No. replied the senator.
"Why not?" asked Dummer
IF We had an American j japanese war
everything would have to be settled one way
or another and then what would we do for
our monthly Japanese crisis:',' answered the
IL