davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
NO BRAINS

Proprietor Of Summer Hotel: Nov
over here is the ocean"
Ad writer: where? / don't see any
ocean,
3 Proprietor: "Y0u don't? My dear
sir, I'm afraid you're not. the man We
want to write our advertisements
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
DID NOT HELP HIM

Rector after listening to a long tale
of woe from ne'er-do-well parish
.ioner-"Well, johnson, you are not 50
badly off. Look at Hodges. He's
just lost his wife!'
johnson: well, that's no good to
me, | amt Hodges"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
LUCKY FOR HIM

A certain famous preacher was In
troduced to wealthy city stock brok-
er Of the pompous nouvean richie type
who boasted to him of his success.
when / landed in this country ne
said, II hadn't cent in my pocket"
@Yes, said the other quietly, .but
there were other pockets. =
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
MISPLACED CONFIDENCE

NWull ye hae a drink, 7 inquired the
Scot.
Thanks" replied his English &C
quaintance. Il think / will"
The Scot turned disguised eye on
him.
Aye he said, Il thought you look
ed that sort"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
THE REASONARLE DOUBT

Mrs. Nerveley: Hear that burglar
downstairs ?"
Mr.. Neverley: Nonsense! That's
just the cat"
"Well, go down and make sure
"Not on your life. I'm not THAI
sure"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
NOT RECKLESS

$50 you propose to take my daugh-
ter from me without warning?"
Nervous Young Man: Not at all.
If there is anything concerning her
you want to warning me about, I'm
willing to listen"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
AN EXPERT

Counsel: 'eThe cross-examination
didn't seem to worry you at all. Have
you ever had any experience in that
line %
Client: Married three times"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
ADJECTIVES NEEDED

Rustic: $50 you're gentleman
farner?"
Newcomer: "That's what I call my
self"
"Well, you'd better be enlarging
your vocabulary"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
gDTSTRA(TTON

whats the big idea of having the
picture of your stenographer on your
stationery?"
ITO counteract the effect Of her
spelling and punctuation"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
QUELLE GUERRE

She was applying for a pension.
"And pray, madam" asked the ex-
aminer, "why do you think yourself
entitled to pension 2"
"My husband and | fought all
through the war" was the reply.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11

New York City is not making much of hit
with the rest of the nation with its bitter COM
plant because delegates to the democratic conven-
tion have not complimented it on it's hospitality.
Small town stuff. New York offered her kind of
hospitality and demanded, host, that her guests
should like it, be highly pleased pay and go home
spifflicatedly happy. In other words New York
City as host, says to her guests: We have enter
tanned you wonderfully, if you were not wonder
fully entertained, wotinel do you know about be-
ing entertained anyhow?
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
nIIRTE A RARGAIN

'sI'm not surprised that Jack finally
married Beth; he spent so much on
her."
'+Yes. They say he married her for
his money"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
SIGNS OF -THE TUNES

sGuard-This is smoking compart-
ment, madame.
Young Woman-Oh, good! Have you
a match?
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
A WINNING NAME

Policeman (producing note boolS):
Name, please" !"
Motorist: "Aloysius- -Alastair-Cy-
parian
Policeman quitting book away
"Well, don't let me catch YOU again"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11

Speaking of the interminable length of the dem
ocratic national convention, we wish to point to
the the fact that Williams Jennings Bryan became
great t-grandfather during the time it was in
session.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
WHY MOTHER cor SORE

Small Boy: Pa, what did prehistoric
monsters look like 2"
Father: II can't remember. ASK
your mother"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
WISE WILLIE

Mother: "Willfe, what do you mean
by letting your brother peel the po-
tatoes when ! told you to do it ?''
Willie: "Well, it's his fault, Ma. He
wanted to play soldier. Pm the top
and he's the K. p"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
QUICK -CHANGE ARTIST

Beggar--Ah, madame, I wasn't al
ways blind!
Lady-No. Yesterday you were dealt
and dumb.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
ON YO WAY

"Boy does yo' get letter from de
Ku Kluxes, what yo' gwnle do wln
it ~
"Read it on de train"
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
HIGH FINANCE

Bertie-When old Goldbag married
Flo, why did she say she was only "A
Sylvia-She made a discount for
cash.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
TALKS, TICKIES AND !:
TANTRuMS !:
ON THE FACE OF IT
c o = g D AAA4A

"Is this portrait Of your fiancee7"
eyes,
Z suppose she must be very veal
thy .s'1.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11

What the country needs is faster mails. The
females seem to be fast enough
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11

A man down at Yuma was put in the insane
asylum recently for violating the quarantine laws
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
PROCRASTINATION

EasternerI suppose you've killed
your man?
Bored Westerner-Not for a long
time.
The Coconino sun., 1924-07-11
ALL SERENE

"Going home for Old Home Week"
rs the grand jury in session."
Nope"
'sPep."
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
NEW NATIONAL VICE
COMMANDER ON JOB

Frank H. Mcfarland, one of the new
national vice commanders of the
American Legion, graduated from DO
sitions Of great responsibility in the
organization of the department Of
Kansas to the national organization.
His election to national office is due
to the record he made as command
er of the Kansas department. He is
said by those most familiar with his
work to have given the department
one of its outstanding administrations.
1t was during his term of office that
the department of Kansas raised $780,
600 for the establishment of American
Legion Childrens Billet No. 2, near
Independence, Kan. A tract of 3S9
acres on which it is now being con-
structed was donated by a public-spir-
ited citizen. This billet, with No. l
at Otter Lake, Mich, are features In
ehe Legion's program to care for the
1000 orphans of World war service
men who now demand attention.
The new national vice commander
mas been active in Legion work in
Kansas since the first organization Of
the Legion. He was the first post adj
Jutant of Capitol Post No. l, Topeka,
Kan, serving until he moved to Wash
ington, Kan, where he now maintains
MS residence. He was for two years
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Urged Not to RemoUe
a.
Patients From State

A protest of the alleged intention
of the United States veterans bureau
TO remove a large number of govern
ment patients from the Soldiers Tu-
bercular sanitarium at Sulphur, Okla,
was made the subject of a resolution
passed by the executive committee of
Ehe Department of Oklahoma, Ameri-
can Legion. The Legionnaires ask the
veterans bureau to refrain from re-
moving the veterans on the grounds
that they should be hospitalized In
their home state, as they now are, and
IN ready access Of their families and
friends. The Legionnaires further
point out that Oklahoma's facilities to
care for the war disabled are "as fine
as can be found In the United States,
and no advantage could be obtained
by transferring the patients from the
Sulphur institution to hospitals in Ari-
zona and New Mexico.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
The Scene of a Farcical
Failure

In the history of the Civil war, Fort
Fisher is best remembered perhaps be-
cause of the farcical failure of a plan
to capture it, made by Gen. B. f. But
Ter, the most maligned whether right
ly or wrongly, history has not yet de-
termined) Union leader in the war.
1t might better be remembered for the
brilliant attack led by Gen. Alfred Fl.
Terry which did capture it year later
and the gallant defense. made by the
men in gray who held it.
In 1864 the Union leaders deter
mined to close the port of Wilmington.
n. c., the haunt of the most success
full Southern blockade runners. Will
mington was guarded by Fort Fisher.
which the COnfederates built at one
of the entrances Of the Cape Fear
river. 1t was one of the strongest forts
In the South, with parapets % feet
thick and 20 feet high, upon which
were mounted "A heavy guns. 1t was
held by Col. w. Lamb and 1,4OO men.
Late in December Admiral David
Porter with fleet of $50 vessels. the
largest that had ever sailed under the
American flag, appeared before the
fort. Accompanying this fleet were
5000 soldiers commanded by General
Butler who was to make land attack
while Porter bombarded the fort from
the sea. AS preliminary to the at
tack Butler conceived the idea of send
ing vessel. the old steamer Louisi
ana, loaded with more than 200 tons
of gunpOwder to be exploded under
It's walls and dlsmantle its guns.
The charge was set off about 2
o'clock in the morning. 1t was a mis-
cradle failure, however, forthe explo-
sion not only did no damage but if is
said to have scarcely disturbed the
garrison. After bombarding the fort
for two days, the Union forces saw
that land attack would be futile and
Porter sailed away
On January ID, 1865, another at-
tempt was made against Fort Fisher
Again the naval attack, although It
killed 200 Of the forts defenders.
failed to reduce it. But the land at
tack led by Gen. Alfred H. Terry was
more successful. His army of 5000
succeeded in capturing the fort after
one of the most brilliant assaults of
the war which was resisted with equal
gallantry by the Confederates. The
Southern loss was see killed and
wounded the Union. 266 killed and
1,075 wounded and missing.
The fall of Wilmington followed the
capture of Fort Fisher and the clos
ing of that port cut off the supplies |
which the Confederacy had been OBJ !
tanning by It's blockade runners. Star !
walton faced the South and three
months later her ragged hogs laid
down their arms.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Boschee's Syrup

Allays irritation, soothes and heals
throat and lung Inflammation. The
constant irritation of cough keeps
the delicate mucus membrane of the
throat and lungs in a congested con-
dition, which BOSCHEE'S SYRUP
gently and quickly heals. For this
reason it has been favorite house
hold remedy for colds, coughs, bron-
chitis and especially for lung troubles
in millions of homes all over the
world for the last fifty-eight years,
enabling the patient to obtain a good
nights rest, free from coughing with
easy expectoration in the morning.
You can buy BOSCHEE'S SYRUP
wherever medicines are sold.-Adv.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
To Make Next Legion
Convention Greatest

Princes of the blood and blue
blooded thoroughbreds will be among
those present when the seventh ma
tional convention of the American Lee
gion conyenes In Omaha in 1926" 1t
was determined upon at the first meet
ing of the convention executive COM
mittee. The prince Of Wales as a
guest; presence in Omaha Of all COM
bat generals and admirals of the Unit
ed States forces; bringing to Omaha
of such famous race horses as Epinard,
Black Gold, Eev and others, consti-
tutes part of the entertainment pro-
gram decided upon. 1--WE want to
make Omaha's Legion convention the
greatest ever held in America" said
Everett Buckingham, chairman of the
committee.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Lads Keen Eye for Fires

Charlie Williams, a twelve-year-old
lad of Sallda, Colo, has again distin
guished himself in fighting forest
fires.
In the summer of 1923 Charlie dis
covered fire caused by passing
train on the Cochetopa National forest.
His prompt work in notifying the for
est service officers and his personal
aid on the fire line brought forth a
strong commentator from the late
Henry c. Wallace, secretary of agri-
culture.
Recently Charlie was instrumental
in checking another fire that had
started in dense stand of pine trees
His work was again commended by
department officials.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Poor Golf

Gene Sarazen, the American golf
champion who recently distinguished
himself at the Olympic games, said at
a farewell dinner:
II hope l don't play over there in
Paris like old Mr.. Foozle.
"Old Mr.. Foozle was in very bad
form one morning. The way he
hacked holes in the nice green grass
was a caution. His caddy said when
he got through:
"'Wel, this amt goin' to be a
case of replacing the turf-its case
of returfin' the place."
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Famous Forts in
u. S. History
By ELMO SCOTT WATSON
20. 1924. Western Newspaper Union.)
The Greatest Fort on Ameri-
can Soil

Ahe Greatest Fort on Ameri-
can Soil
To Virginia, the Mother of Presi-
dents" goes the honor of having upon
her soil the greatest and most i'm
portant fertilization in the United
/ States. 1t is Fortress Monroe at Old
| Point Comfort at the mouth of the
! James river and it bears the name of
one of Virginia's sons, James Monroe,
fifth President of the United States.
Fortress Monroe was begun in 1917
and was built primarily as a defense
for the navy yard at Norfolk 1t was
designed by Gen. Simon Bernard, a
famous French engineer who had
served under Napoleon and who held
a commission in the American army
from 1916 to 1881. With an area of
80 acres surrounded by moat from
70 to 80 feet wide and filled with
tidewater from s to 10 feet deep,
Fortress Monroe was believed to be
practically impregnable to a land at
tack
In 1918 Virginia ceded this strong
hold to the federal government, little
realizing that half a century later 1t
would be the strongest threat of the
federal government against her SOW
ereignty during the Civil war. AL
though the Confederates seized the
Norfolk navy yard at the outbreak of
the war, the Stars and Stripes re-
manned over Fortress Monroe and 1t
gave to the Union forces command of
the important waterway Hampton
Roads
During the Civil war Fortress Mon
roe saw many historic event. There
Gen. B. F. Butler, its commander,
struck the first blow at slavery by
ruling that slaves who came to him
seeking their freedom were contra
band of war;" and setting them to
work Strengthening the fort. Under
its walls the iron-clad Merrimac, or
the Virginia, as the Confederates
called her, destroyed the Cumber-
land and the Congress and the next
day engaged in the terrific combat
with the little cheesebox on raft,
Ericsson's Monitor, vessel which
reVolutlOnized naval warfare
There, too, was played the last act
in the drama of the Lost Cause when
Jefferson Davis, president of the Con-
federacy, entered the gates of Fortress
Monroe as prisoner of war; his
dream of a separate nation broken, |
and for two years paced a cell within I
its walls.
Fortress Monroe had a part in one
more great conflict, for when the
United States entered the World war,
many of the men who commanded her
and gave such good account
of themselves "over there" had re-
ceived their training at the artillery
school which the War department
maintains at this historic fortress.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

a member of the state executive COM
mlttee.
Mr. Mcfarland is lawyer by pro-
fesslon and is at present assistant
United States district attorney for
Kansas. He entered the service as a
private In 1917 and was later COM
missioned a first lieutenant. He was
with the One Hundred Thirtieth Field
artillery. He Is a graduate of the Uni
versity Of Kansas and has lived In
that state all his life.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Plan to Build Memorial

An impressive memorial to the dead
Of the World war from the state of
New Hampshire to be erected on the
approach to the memorial bridge at
Portsmouth, was the subject of a res
olution passed at the New Hampshire
department convention held at Weirs
recently. The State department of the
Legion win introduce bill asking that
FUNDS be provided for the memorial at
the next session Of the general court
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

HOW TO SOLVE A CROSSWORD PUZZLE
i'm
VIII spell words both vertically letter in
below the puzzle Thus "hor
Dac SQUARE to the right defines
% black
NO letters go In the black
terms and obsolete In the
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
NeW Paper Source

An English paper mill is irwin, l
wheat straw as a source Of I nas,.
for paper making. While We b bans
course rise had straw paper, str '+ N,
a different proposition, Tho a S ,.s
Ct this raw material is fernes r1i
in storage. '"'u'dp
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

Manufacturers Of fancy hatpins re-
port a heavy slump in their business
due to the feminine craze for bobbed
hair.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Might Help

No one understands me-"
why not get job as telephone
girl, my dear, just for the training?"-
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

An alarm clock arrangement ~
been made by which radio recea s,
set can be started up at a SpV'iu''
time.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
No FooLishnesa

Doctor why didn't you get me a
prettier nurse?" Il promised you a
quick cure, didn't ~
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Who Wants a Hippop

Tanganyika territory has blml
potamus plague. The huge bes|
have multiplied so rapidly that MI
sands are to be seen near tbq praI
river.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
No Relation

Lawyer-Are sou related 10 lAn
man?
Woman-No; he is my huSOana-
London Tit-Bits.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

Looking pleasant can become a habit
as well as anything else.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
CROSS WORD
g PUZZLE g 3,
STEPPING STONES"

you IKE them this will interlock helms
you the suckers
~ = ~ "ipiaoes
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Horizontal.


1-Mohammedan call to prayer
6-Fatten
9-Large vehicle
10-By way of
12-South American reptile
13-Beast of burden
14-Boy's name
16-lnitials of famous President
17-Possesses
18-Elongated fish
20-To allot
21-At a distance
23-Body of water
24-To fix
25-Envelop
2S-Luck
81-Crafty
82-Card game
84-Impersonal pronoun
86-Sets Of three
38-Note of scale
39-Notch
41-Unit of work
42-Human beings
43-Metal
"A landing place
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17

The solution win appear i'm next issue.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1924-12-17
Vertical

Acknowledge
2-Tool for trimming slatea
3-Indefnite article
4-Species of pine
6-Hebrew month
Decay
8-Attempt
10-Receptacle
11-Region
14-Head covering
15-Coniferous tree
17-Listens
19-Cowboy's rope
20-Cat's cry
Affirmative
26-High in the scale
27-Funeral pile
2S-Dancing shoe
29-Goddess of Dawn
3O-Islands Of the South Sea
33-Simpleton
35-A sailor
37-Anger
38-Meadow
40-Proceed
42-Greek letter
Evening star., 1924-10-12

and strengthen tender gums, allay sensi-
tiveness, and keep your teeth thoroughly
clean and protected.
Buy Squibb's Dental Cream to-day.
You will like its pleasant flavor. If you
want the children to brush their teeth
regularly, give them Squibb's Dental
Cream. 1t is absolutely safe for all. 1t
will not harm the baby's teeth and
tender gums At your druggists.
Evening star., 1924-10-12

Dental authorities agree that
milk of magnesia is the best
available product for counter
acting acids which form at The
Danger Line and attack your
teeth and gums. Squibb's
Dental Cream is made with
Squibb's Milk of Magnesia.
Use it Notwithstanding,
noon and night you can
prevent Acid Decay, reduce
49, -4-.1 IS .~~%L-
Evening star., 1924-10-12
You, too, are warned of trouble at
THE DANGER LINE

THE buoy marks the unseen
i dangers of coast and chan
mel, shoal and rock. Public
officials have marked Danger
Lines of the sea to prevent
accident, to safeguard life.
This desire to warn the
people of impending danger is
not confined to civil authorities.
Dental authorities, too, have
pointed out a Danger Line on
our teeth that everyone should
Evening star., 1924-10-12

respect ;. those tiny Vshaped crevices
where teeth meet gums.
Within their shallow depths food
gathers and ferments, forming acids
which lead to decayed teeth, to sore,
inflamed gums-often to pyorrhea.
Hours of pain, years of ill-health, dis
figured features, even premature old
age are often the direct result of infec-
ton due to decay at The Danger Line.
Evening star., 1924-11-23
Tuning Short-wave Stations.

The Bureau OF Standards has issued
the following note on methods of
adjusting your receivers to short
wave or high-frequency stations:
Some broadcast receiving sets now
in use cannot be tuned conveniently
to stations broadcasting on fire.
quencies higher than 1000 or 1900
1. e.. not below 800 or ESQ meters. The
third national radio conference rec
| commended that the broadcast band
of frequencfes be extended to 1900
kilocycles GOO meters). This empha-
sizes the Importance of the produc-
tion of sets which will tune con-
veniently at the higher frequencies
and the desirability of information on
how to use existing sets so that all
stations may be tuned in. The range
of receiving sets which employ a
ngletuned circuit q. e., where the
antenna is part of the tuned circuit)
may be extended to the higher fire.
quencies without much difflculty.
This applies both to crystal and tube
sets. 1t can be done very simply by
providing a fixed condenser (about
.0002 microfarad) in series with the
antenna. which may be switched in
or out Of the circuit. The settings of
the dials are different when the con-
denser is in and out Of circuit.
Shortening of the antenna likewise
reduces the capacitance and conse-
quently increases the maximum fire.
quency (minimum wave lengthy to
which the set will tune.
In the two-circuit and other more
complicated receiving sets the ex-
tension OF the frequency range may
not be SO convenient. A general
rule. however. may prove useful. The
natural frequency of a circuit Is de-
termined by the product OF the in
ductance and capacitance in the cir
cult. the larger this product the
lower the frequency (higher the wave
length. To increase the frequency
to which a circuit will tune 1t Is only
necessary to decrease either the in
ductance or capacitance or both. The
inductance may be reduced by re-
ducing the number OF turns, while
reduction in the number of plates or
increase In spacing Of tho plates re-
duces the capacitance Of a condenser.
The effective capacitance in q circuit
may also be reduced by using two
condensers in series. Changes in re-
.ceiving sets Of this type can, in gen.
eral, be readily made by radio lis
. teners who construct their own sets"
Six new class A stations were IL
censed last week by the Department Of
Commerce. and five were transferred
Evening star., 1924-11-23
RADIO FUND BACKED
BY MRS. RINEHART
Author Wants to See Set on Every
Hospital Cot in the
Country.

A radio on every bed in every hos
pitaI in the country is the hope Of Mary
Roberts Rinehart. who yesterday. in q
letter to Mrs. Macpherson Crichton,
chairman OF the woman's section, in
dorsed the movement, fostered by the
Washington radio hospital fund, to
equip all local hospitals with radio Mrs.
Rinehart is q member of the advisory
committee Of the radio hospital fund,
and has expressed a deep interest in it's
efforts to obtain $4,000, the amount
needed to install and maintain radio
outf1ts in the hospitals and charitable
institutions in the District.
ITO any one familiar with the pain
full mSnotony OF the hospital ward day.
where the coming OF the trays at meal
time and the arrival of visiting doctors
are often the sole break in it, writes
Mrs. Rnehart, 'ft Is often a fact that
sheer tedium retards recovery.
But with the coming of the radio
the hospital ceases to be a place Of dull
ness and OF exile. Contact with the