davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
WHEN TIT COMES TO BLOCs

A few days ago the Red-Headed Le- zion of America held a meeting on the Pacific Coast. There is no antithetical connection between the organization and the place of assembly. Eligibility for membership in the association is con- fined to those who have red hair. At the meeting two eminent citizens were endorsed as nominees for the presidency because they have red hair.
 While this action may be regarded in the light of a joke by many intelligent people, it might be recalled that men have been chosen for responsible posi- tions of trust upon even smaller con- alterations or upon mere passing fan cies. Henry Clay was sent to congress because he accidentally hit the bulls-eye at turkey shoot. Besides, the recent history of the nations law-making body shows that it was composed largely of blocs. It appears that we have reached the stage of bloc legislation in this coun- try, with numerous blocs within parties. It would seem to be but step to bloc elections.
 A new party is threatened out of one of the legislative blocs in the recent con gress. There would seem to be no less Justification for the red-haired bloc, from the standpoint of national legisla- tion, than for the farm bloc, the anti bonus bloc, the manufacturers bloc, the railroad bloc, the sugar bloc, and many others too numerous to mention, all working for some special purpose which has no general bearing on the national needs or interests. If the bloc system is to be carried to its possible develop ment, why not have bald-headed bloc, whiskered and anti-whiskered blocs, fat mems and lean-men's blocs, bobbed and anti-bobbed hair blocs, married, spinster and bachelor blocs, and so on ad minimum? Many of them would be no more absurd than some of the blocs that have figured conspicuously in the law making function. If the country is to be run on the bloc system, the red headed bloc would be justified in de- manding recognition, to say nothing of the blonde and brunette blocs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
The Peoples Forum
The General Conference
1r of The Age-Herald

To the Editor of The Age-Herald:
 Your correspondent, H. G. Davis, is in error in saying that the general conference represents the whole church." The unit of organization in the Methodist church is the quarterly conference. This is composed of persons nominated by the pastor in the ratio of one steward for every thirty mem bers, together with certain others who are ex-officio members. This body is self-con- stltuted, and is not a representative body in the legal sense. The quarterly conference elects delegates to the district conference {; the district conference elects delegates to the annual conference; the annual conference elects delegates to the general conference.
 That means this; that if there are 2,500,- 900 Southern Methodists, 100000 is liberal allowance for the quarterly conference mem- bership, which the general conference repre- sents, and 2,400,000 members have no more to do with the general conference and the government of the church than the man in the moon. What ought to be done in regard to the unification of the two Methodist churches is to give us referendum, and let every Methodist say whether he wants to unite or not. If the general conference should adopt this measure for unification by two-thirds vote, and all the annual conferences should adopt it by three-fourths vote, it would still be the action of a small minority of the whole church.
 S. A. STEEL,
 Pastor First M. E. Church
 Decatur Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
Watching The Parade
By JOHN PILGRIM

Two years ago I wouldn't have given a penny a pound live weight for all the Young Parkers you could stand in a field. He was a mammals boy. Not that would cast as- pensions at youngsters who love their moth CTS. The other sort is teetotally no good But Young Parker had been softened as we'll as sweetened by his mamma.
 Were real pals" his mother used to say. "He tells me everything"
 Now, that isn't possible with a boy who amount to anything. Either he has no ex- periences and no worthwhile thoughts, or he is lying. Mothers are mothers and sons are sons and they do not resemble each other in the least. The mother who keeps her son too close to her elbow is doing him an in jury and the boy who hangs at his mothers side is like a radish that has been raised under glass. He will lack flavor.
 Where's the kid?" asked Young Parker's mother a month ago, with some distaste felt if not shown I disapprove of the mother, just as disapprove of all mothers who want to wrap their sons in cotton wool.
 Tn Europe" said she, acting as though sheNwanted to cry.
 Now he's back, and he is a different sort of Young Parker. It appears that he req soned for himself that he was not being made into a man by playing escort to mamma. He had missed too many toughening games. They may be hard on the bridge of the nose and the epidermis of the forearm, but they are good for the soul. He was being called into the confessional too frequently. Confes- sion should be a product of the inner pro- cesses of the noe to be shriven and not com pelled. So he took what little money he could get and ran away to Europe as a deck steward on a big boat He knew perfectly well that he would have a hard time He might go broke and hungry. All of these things happened to him. There is scar over his eye that he never had before and of which he does not talk.
 But Young Parker is worth any one's at- tention now. The going was hard. but it made him self-reliant and strong. He is up- standing, clear-eyed and dependable.
 The funny thing is that even his mother admits he is improved.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
RewGrding Ancestors
By DIR. FRANK CRANE

Come to think of it. of all the curious in- sanities of the world is not the ennobling of a man because of his ancestors the head and front?
 My great-grandfather was a famous gen. eral, hence I am to be pensioned for life, supported in idleness and maintained a nox- ious parasite Yn the community.
 My many times great-grandfather came over with William the Conqueror, conse- quently I am to fare sumptuously every day and devote my time wholly to amusement, while hard-working folk give me a per cent. of their wages -t-S
 It is not a new problem. It has puzzled men for centuries. Radicals have fought and shot because of it. Certain types of mind have seen in the arrangement the hand of God and the salvation of society.
 The only different aspect the problem is taking on in these times is that it is becom- ing sludicrous. -r
 It is only when the world gets to laughing at an institution that we may be sure the institution is moribund
 And really, for a boy to be brought up in wealthy idleness and carefully trained to be a menace to society, because his ancestors did something, is it not like an idea from Alice in Wonderland"
 The Chinese, at least they of the old regime, were much more rational. They re- versed the process and when a man rendered signal service to the state they proceeded to ennoble his ancestors.
 They held, very justly, that it is absurd that useless and degenerate should be rich, noble and influential, simply because his fore fathers had been brave soldiers, good judges or successful merchants but, on the con. trary, whoever is virtuous, forceful, and great in himself manifestly owes at least a good part of his excellent character to his antecedents; hence the Chinese, where man showed himself to be somewhat, logically re- warded his ancestors by making them titled counts and dukes.
 I am sure you will find the Chinese plan the more sensible.
 My ancestors are responsible for me; let them be rewarded or punished accordingly. ! an not responsible for them, why should bear their sins or use their money?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
|-bf,9gONcE 4y OVER
Suggestion for a Party Platform

OND6eSsACAA
 l. We reaffirm our faith in the Con- stitution of the United States, the Declara- tion of Independence, Fosters Nah Jong guide, the Ten Commandments, the No Smok- ing Ordinances and the What-To-D Do-In- Case Of-Fire Rules. We pledge ourselves to up- hold the great traditions and principles of American government as handed down by our illustrious forefathers and ask that in any case of failure to do so the management be notified promptly. DOMESTIC POLICY 2. We favor fewer one-way streets. We hold that there is an over-supply of these in America today and that there should be no further production until the present SUD- ply has been absorbed. zaL | 8. We favor legislation restricting fire chiefs from driving to lunch any faster than they drive to fires. ,a1, 4. We hold that not more than two pedes- | trians should be hit by any fire chief on the way to any one fire and that the striking of three pedestrians should dsqualify the chief from attendance at that particular fire | 5. We believe the custom of ambulance drivers running over and crippling from ten to fifteen innocent bystanders on the way to pick up one small boy with mild case of hives should be abandoned and we denounce Bis method of quantity production as ap- piled to hospital cases. G. We believe that gasoline pumping sta tions should be limited to four to block
 z. We favor government regulation of de- pertinent store elevators, automat lunch rooms, municipal golf courses and dollar watches. f.-
 FOREIGN POLICY
 8. We believe in federal control of jazz orchestras and hold that there should be a I;vnsk nE bands in any one city. We denounce the practice of charging 200 per cent extra for $2 lunch served at any restaurant having such an orchestra.
 9. We are against any further Thaw hear ings.
 10. We pledge the party to curb the prize contests now raging throughout the United States.
 II. We believe that the price of coal should be lowered sufficiently to bring a ton of it within reach of men not earning over $20,O00 a year.
 12. We pledge the party to a policy of not more than 50 loud speakers to one apart ment house and we promise to discourage an- nouncers at radio stations from reading tel egrams stating "Bingo Bacon Band coming over grand. Willis Hawkbeak, 235 Apple sauce avenue"
 IS. We think rainy and backward sum- mers are a great hardship to amusement re- sort men and promise to give the matter our serious attention.
 IA. We favor sweeping censorship of cor set advertisements.
 15. We think the railroad question needs immediate attention particularly with regard to the situation which makes it impossible to open a window in a day coach without sending for the conductor and two firemen.
 16. We believe express trains should make the trips between two given points almost as fast as locals.
 IT. We favor cheaper golf balls.
 IS. We favor fewer styles in mems col lars.
 19 We do not think that correct under wear is the most important issue in American life and customs.
 20 We are for a return to five-cent apple pie portions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
Livir1g In Arte@Roont
By JOHN CARLYLE

Do you live in the ante-room of life?
 So many of us do. We never quite have the time or the courage to enter into life itself
 How often do you hear someone say By and by I am going to do this or that or the other thing. Some day John and I are going to begin to buy books, or some day we are going on a trip or, next year we may get out to see mother and father"
 How often do we talk with people who are always going to do something they want to do or ought to do-after awhile.
 We have taken a great step, we have reached the fundamental of living, when we realize clearly that life is right here .and now.
 We are living for the last time on this earth right at this day and hour. No use putting off the important things or the little things either. This is our life and our time today.
 I know a woman who has collected many beautiful dishes and much fine table linen. She has drawers full of it. But it is never on the table. Her family never has the use of it. Her guests rarely have. It's always saved up for some vague, future, neyer-tO-be reached occasion.
 Do you remember the old-fashioned home with a parlor?
 The curtains were always drawn. The furniture was always swathed in covers. A rag rug was in front of the door to save the Brussels carpet.
 The parlor was never used except when the pastor called and for funerals.
 The folks passed their lives in the kitchen and the dining room and the bedroom-the little bedrooms in the back. The good bed room was always kept in perfect order, far better furnished than the other rooms. It was saved for the guest who almost never came.
 And even today, in the city, Mary says q never use my good silver. It is in the vault at Johns bank. This that we are using is good enough.'
 So many people are forever living-and dying-in the ante-room of life. They never go on into the big room and settle. They never understand that the time to live to the limit, with all you have, is here and now.
 There is a famous poem called II Have a Rendezvous With Death" c. P. Cullen, a negro student in New York, has written a poem called Il Have a Rendezvous With Life I like it better. Here are the last four lines:
 "Though wet nor blow, nor space l fear,
 Yet fear I deeply, too,
 Lest Death should greet and claim me ere
 I keep life's rendezvous"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
What One Man Wants to Kn

What One Man Wants to Know To the Editor of The Age Herald:
 We live in great days!
 We live in wonderful daysl
 Our president with a rock-ribbed New England conscience talks about settling world problems Fin an upright, downright, square American way" yet when the Klan says Boo" this same president does not qoute the constitution to this organization to show it the reason for its non-existence!
 I should like to learn the White House method of settling the Klan problem in an upright downright, square American way" That's all I want to know. And that, take it, is enough for any ordinary American to want to know.
 Possibly the presidents good man Friday the Honorable c. Bascom Slemp, student of government, political" economy, etc. could answer the question if the president is too busy Gin presidential year) to bother about a triviality like the violation of the spirit of the constitution
 WILLIAM MORGAN dANNON.
 New Orleans, June 16, 1924.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
The Ril'er
(Harold Lewis Cook in The wave)

(Harold Lewis Cook in The Wave) Tn London, that old city, When kings and queens pass by, There is no crying from the river. There is no sigh. And when beggar mumbles For pennies in the cold, Comes no shrill laughter from the river, And no flung gold.
 When women selling hunger Between the bridges roam. No radiance rising from the river Bids them home. ..- In London, that old city, The river speaks no word, But long the people there have wondered What they heard.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

that action promptly. France owes her present less anxious position to the fact that the Ruhr occupation paved the way for the work of the Dawes commission. Had it not been for the occupation, Ger many would by this time have openly flouted her reparations pledges and there would be no way but war to com pei her to redeem them The Ruhr oc- cupation averted more serious chain of consequences. For that result M. Poin- care must be given due credit-indeed the major portion of the credit. The present regime in France is but the crew that flocks to the feast after the one who prepared it has been driven off.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
The Right Word
sHALL.sHOULD-WOULD.WILL
By CURTIS NICHOLSON
(Find the Error in This ArticIe)

The following excerpt from Rasselas was mailed by F. J. Hughes to "The Right Word" to illustrate the use of shall, will, should, and would:
 T am not willing said the prince, "to suppose that happiness is so parsimoniously distributed to mOrtalS; nor can I believe but that if l had the choice of life, I should be able to fill every day with pleasure. I would injure no man and should provoke no resentment: l would relieve every distress, and should enjoy the benedictions of grat- tude. I would choose my friends among the wise and my wife among the virtuous; and therefore should be in no danger from treach- cry or unkindness. My children should, by my care, be learned and pious, and would repay to my age what their childhood had received What would dare to molest him who might call on every side to thousands enriched by his bounty, or assisted by his power? And why should not life glide quietly away in the soft reciprocation of protection and reverenceT
 The paragraph quoted above should prove interesting to the many readers who have written The Right Word" about the correct use of shall, will, should and would. Note that should is used in T should be able" not would. Note the promises or determination in the following I would relieve every dis tress l would choose my friends If any one of the readers of this column has further comments to make with regard to the fore going quotation, their letters will be well come.
 Yesterdays Error
 Wrong: This will be another one of the many contributions that is always appre- ciated
 Right: This will be another one of the many contributions that are always vel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
Brief Nature Studies
By ]. Otis Swift

Nothing too severe can be said about those who destroy the wild flowers, but isn't Mother Naturesherself sometimes cruel?" asks Alice Halsey, writing from Garrison-on-H -Hud- son. For instance, last summer here in Put nam county almost no rain fell from May to the middle of September The ferns were burned dead and brown by the drought and the laurels, in places at least, didn't set a bud.
 "They made me think of the starved peO- pie of EurOpe-just holding their own This spring on hilsides where the Orchis spec tabilis has bloomed for years there are green leaves but no flowers, and cypripedium par viflorum, that in other years showed dozens of flowers, had a scanty five. So with the moccasin flowers-leaves and few flowers Now the spring rains of May remind one of Titanias plaint, and flower-seeds fail to come up because the sun is only warm.
 News Outside the Door is the first thing I read, and it is sadly missed on Mondays. Especially liked are the classic fables, the phoebe bird and others" To understand why Mother Nature is sometimes cruel would be to know as much about her realm as the Nature Mother does.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
A DETERRENT PROCESS

Stiffkins Ga neighbor)-"HellO, Jones ]! What are you doing? Laying a carpet?"
 Jones (who has just struck his thumb)- No, you idiot! The carpet was here when we moved in. I'm just putting the floor un- der it"-London Tid-Bits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
0 &Mk FESHS1
 &14{ N4XSOW FI2NsS4LL LZ1EZL
An UngaIlant Husband!

(By George c. ChappelD Darling, you are growing old, Yes, and obviously fatter, 7 Yet you sit here, fold on fold, Just as if it didn't matter; Gone, the figure extolled,
 Using all the well-known batter, Lost, obliterated, rolled
 Into one great mass of batter. Why, o, why was so bold? 3 Why did I of marriage chatter? Did love you, or your gold? o, it must have been the latter, For your monumental mold
 Now all romance seems to shatter, And my heart is like cold
 Pancake, only rather flatter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

If the choice were left to me, whether to have free press or 8 free government, I would choose free press.-Thomas Jefferson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

MUST HAVE LOOKED SECONDHAND
 Got some new additions to your library, haven't you, Brown?'
 "Oh. mo- I persuaded the neighbors to b ing back a few books, that's all."-Boston Tfanseript.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
All Set for a Fish Story9

All Set for a Fish Story? He had been planning the fishing trip all winter, and now all preparations were made. Even the old car had been lovingly over hauled and tuned up It was to be a great event. Three boon companions were to ac- company him. They were to leave town Monday morning.
 Friday evening, when he arrived home from the office, his wife handed him a slip of paper. It was a jury summons! It com manded him to report for service Monday morning. = - ' Life's darkest moment was upon him Sud; denly a desperate plan suggested itself. Promptly at 80 on Monday he presented himself at court. The judge called his name. He remained with the crowd that wished to be excused. The judge demanded his reason. With troubled look and coughing hard he approached His Honor and whispered in his ear: Listen, Jim--I wanna go fishin'." The judge with a look of pain on his face exclaimed loudly: "Oh! I'm so sorry to hear it! You are excused"-A. Bruce Campbell.
 Injustice!
 Rufus: "Us cullod folks sho' have some tough time"
 Temus: Whats de mattuh now?" Rufus: "Ah sees where dey goin' to agi- tale ID HelLol ldA pldu uOW' -adrOu Davidson.
 Mamma Spank!
 Mother: Willie, every time you get naughty I get a gray hair"
 Willie: Gee, you must have been ter TOT. Look at grandpa. ."-Violette M. Ingold.
 Commandments, 1924
 Six days shalt thou labor; and the sev- enththou shalt stay at home, mow thy lawn, wash thy car. and care for the baby while thy wife plays nah jong.
 A Dramatic Entrance Jim: Parks had a surprise party last night"
 Bob Was it his birthday?'
 Jim No, his wife unexpectedly returned from out of town.-Morris Abel Beer.
 Helpl Murder!
 A sharp retort, queer shrill cry-then silence.
 Quickly he strode forwardand, gazing down with a look of triumph and satisfac- tion at his victim, calmly considered means of disposing of the body.
 Hearing approaching footsteps he cried out "Oh, Hattie I've caught another mouse in the pantry y''-Mrs. NJ. J. Albright.
 News Note
 Professor Timkins, who has been giving series of lectures on Memory Training" |" left last night for Minneapolis, forgetting to pay his board bill.
 Copyright, 1924. Reproduction Forbidden. )
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
THE AGE-HERALD

Entered at Birmingham. Ala. post office as eecond-cass matter, act of Congress March 6, 1S7a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

2 Telephone (private branch exchange connect. ing all departmental, Main 4eo0.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
What the Dentist Is Aft,

what the UentlSt IS AIter The tooth. the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19


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The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19
HeInl Murder!
News Note

News Note Professor Timkins, who has been giving a series of lectures on Memory Training" |" left last night for Minneapolis. forgetting to pay his board bill. Copyright, 1924. Reproduction Forbidden. )
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

FREDERICK I. rHoMpsoN. :. PRESIDENT
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

A Dramatic Entrance Jim Parks had a surprise party last night"
 Bob: Was it his birthday?' Jim: No, his wife unexpectedly returned from out of town.-Morris Abel Beer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-19

Six days shalt thou labor; and the sev' enththou shalt stay at home, now thy lawn wash thy car. and care for the baby while thy wife plays nah jong.