The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-07-01
The Fable of Sweet Alice And The
 Wanderlust

NdUUCTkUSt
 THERE was once woman named
 Alice whom all the neighbOrs and
 the distant relatives spoke of as that dear little home woman" Her husband told every one within shouting distance that his wife could make a dollar go farther than if it was on ball. bearings. She was one of the kind who had a household schedule and a house. hold budget and stuck to them like glue. She could never go anywhere ex- cept on the third Wednesday in the month. Every other day was taken with some household duty and she spelled it just that way, too.
 On Monday she washed-and rinsed through three waters. On Tuesday she homeland this included friend hus- bands shirts because the steam laun- dry wore them out faster than the budget called for, and daughters shirt waists because daughter was such a busy little flapper that she had no time to iron, and baby brothers white suits to the tune of seven or eight, because small children do look so sweet in white" and big brothers tennis duds because big brother worked downtown and was saving his money to buy bonds and tennis clothes cost wad when massaged by the village Chink. On Wednesday Alice mended-things that would have made swell rags if jammed in the proper bag, and things that didn't need mending unless you looked at them through microscope. On Thurs day she cleaned upstairs and turned and vacuumed the mattresses on all the beds and put the ruffled curtains on the line to air and secured all the tiling on the bathroow wall-Alice was not ing if not thorough. Friday, of course, she gave the downstairs the beating of it's life-only she did it every week so she didn't raise much except a pain be- tween her shoulders. Saturdays were dedicated to ye stove She baked three kinds of pie and two kinds of cake and a batch of cookies and two-gallon crock of cruellers. If Alice ever passed in her checks on a Saturday night none of the neighbors could ever say she starved her family. Saturday night was Alice's favorite night to think about dying-by that time she felt just about that way. And how her family would miss her r She just knew no other woman would do for them what she had done! And she was 99.44 per cent right! No other woman would be that big A chump.
 By Sunday morning when Alice came up for air she was too all in to take her place in the family pew. So friend husband and big sister and little brother and big brother all strolled off together and waved cheerily to the dear little mother on the front porch" said mother and her hair slicked back in a way that would have made Lillian Russell look like a trump, she had on a neat gingham dress that had about as much style as a mail order catalogue, and she carried herself like a sway back horse. One of the new neighbors made an awful break one Sunday morn- ing when she asked friend husband how soon he expected his wife back and how or earth they managed to keep such a jewel of a maid. She had given Alice the once over on the front porch.
 Sunday dinner at Alice's made menu look like a diet list. Of course Alice was ready to lie down and take the count when it was ready to eat. But she was doing her duty and all the re- lations and friends knew they could drop in for Sunday dinner any old time and have the feed of their lives. They told Alice what a wonderful cook she was and how darned lucky Fred was to have married such a woman. Alice tried to look modest and successful in looking like the lady acrobat who has just done the double somersault in midair and got good hand. Sort of tired and out of breath but triumph ant!
 When Alice had been leading this sort of wild life for about twenty yeafs things began to happen First Fred die began to get the golf bug He wandered off Saturdays and Sundays and holidays and got his favorite caddy and his favOrite other things. It be- gan to drift back to Alice that ever and anon he was seen on the links with lady who affected burnt or ange sweater and hat to match and a black and white sports skirt that you could hear mile. He rode back into town in the lady's sedan and alighted two blocks from home. Alice never saw him because she was never that far away from her little six-rooms and bath-but she heard all about it from friends who had her best interest at heart, you know.
 The second star shell that lit up Alice's horizon was news of the doings of big brother. It seems that the ac- quiring of bonds by the cash-and-carry plan was too slow for Freddie Junior. He was raking it in with the aid of 'me red, white and blue chips and a