The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-02-19
The Once OUer
Dunn And Drummer Take Over. Oil
 Probe; Promise Everybody Mention
By H. I. PHILLIPS

Probe: Promise Everybody Mention F. WASHINGTON, & D. C.- Senator Dumm and Representative Drummer, who have been quietly working on The Great Grease Mystery here, assisted by the noted detective, Dablin Crymes, an nounced today that they had taken oyer the entire investigation and will conduct it along their own lines. They guarantee that every citizen of the United States will be given 8 chance to be heard and, if possible. implicated.
 "We intend to do the best we can, their announcement read, "to incriml- nate everybody and. show no partiality. There is always the chance, however, that by mistake we may overlook some body who is entitled to be involved.
 "To facilitate our work we now ask that all citizens who have not been men, toned so far in the oil lease investiga- tion kindly notify us. by letter or wire at once.. We will do everything possible to see that they get prompt attention.
 'We take up this investigation under the motto "Let no innocent man escape
 "It is not often. that we ket the chance to place the names of so many citizens on the front pages of the newspapers and we naturally want to make the most of it. We have got to be extremely care full, though, as we realize that should we overlook somebody, however lowiy, that person would be apt to think we did it deliberately and take offense.
 .sTo this end we have decided not to follow the list of witnesses prepared early in this investigation. From now on we shall pick them in alphabetical order from Who's Who, the telephone book and the latest list of registered voters.
 "Every American citizen has right to be investigated and we will see that he gets his opportunity.
 Fully appreciating that every man, woman and child in the country is now SO nervous he, she or "it" expects to be mentioned in the inquiry any day, we hereby announce that we intende to sum mon citizens and citizenesses in the fol lowing order:
 First: Those who received any sum in excess of $11.S5 during the years 1921-1922, inclusive, from unexplained sources.
 Second: Those who didn't.
 Third: All people who have ever vis- tied Wyoming, Colorado, Nebraska or California in their lives. ,rz-
 Fourth Those who haven't.
 Fifth: All neighbors of either MT. Doheny or MT. Sinclair.
 Sixth: All lifelong friends of either.
 Seventh: All casual acquaintances of either.
 Eighth: All people who knew Leo Stack.
 Ninth: All people who didn't but would like to.
 Tenth: All people with teapots.
 Eleventh. All people with or without domes.
 Twelfth: All people having had leases of any nature whatsoever since the Civil War.
 Thirteenth: All persons owning or op- erating Little Black Bags" Fourteenth: All persons owning but not operating Little Black Bags"
 Sixteenth: All people entertaining any ambitions for the presidency, the vice presidency, the board of aldermen or the position of municipal dog catcher.
 Seventeenth: All persons who have made any improvements whatsoever since 1921 on the house, yard, barns or chick en-run. :.
 Eighteenth: All persons who have re- ceived any presents of COWS, bulls, heif- CTS, ducks, geese, squirrels or rabbits.
 Nineteenth All persons who have been heard to complain q am not happy here."
 Twentieth: Any persons who have cancelled any cows or other domestic an imals.
 ''This list, we think, covers about all the people involved, but we will be glad to hear from any others wishing to be mentioned. All we ask is that they send us their names and addresses and enclose twenty cents in stamps to make it worth while" Very sincerely,
 DUMM & DUMMER.