The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-20
GOLF AND OTHER TROUBLES
Golf. Tra.I,a.Ia
By BARRIE PAYNE


 A friend of ours objects to golf as a form of entertainment because no music is provided. He thinks an orchestra should follow, the players around the course In response to his request we have selected a program of musical numbers appropriate for all phases of the game.
 A song suitable at any time during your first year of golf T Know Not What I'm Doing" (One of Galli- Curci's favorites.l
 When your ball hooks or slices: "Just Like A Rainbow" When the ball lands in woods or fields adjoining the course: After the Ball." Alice, Where Art Thou" Hunt in the For est," .'Comin' Through the Rye" Firing Back My Bonnie to Me" Through Forest Depths (Lakme)," Life in the Woods" Forever to Lose Thee (Masked Balll."
 Three Blind Mice
 When the caddies fail to find the ball: Three Blind Mice" When the caddy is left behind to look for a ball and doesn't show up until you reach the sixteenth green: five Got the Wonder Where He Went Blues" When the caddy coughs in the middle of your swing and ruins your shot: '"The Fatal Voice-Baltistini" and Hold Thy Peace, Thou Knave (Twelfth Night)." When the caddies kill time arguing over whose time it is to lift the flag ''The Flag That Never Comes Down." When you shoot the best game of your life for seventeen holes@ but blow up and take twelve on No. IS: Farewell to the Bright Visions (Traviata)." "Gotterdammerung" Swear in This Hour (Forza Del Destino), "Eili, Eili,' v "The Wrath of Heaven (Favorital," My Heart is Torn with Grief (Faust)," "Inflammatus," T Couldn't Hear Nobody Pray "Miserere (Trova- torel," "Orpheus in Hades, Heart Bow'd Down." ,'Mo9rnin Blues, March from Saul 'Siegfried's Flu neral March"
 Kills Time
 When the foursome ahead has ap- parently decided to pitch a permanent camp on the green "Deh vieni, non tar dar (Ah, Why Delay So Long?)- from Marriage of Figaro When a careless golfer takes large divot with his butter: "Wearin' O the Green" When your ball lands in a trap: Come Unto These Yellow Sands" When you find stray ball in good lie: Call Me Thine Own." When you come to a 6O0-yard hole: "Give a Man a Horse He Can Ride"
 When your ball lands in the water: "Asleep in the Deep" Dip Me in the Golden Sea-" "Roced in the Cradle of r., UAAa, (Also good in the locker .room.) If you ing the Bar," Across the Still Lagoon" When you're topping the ball: Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" When you're shooting your usual game: "Old Hun dred." When you're doing much bet ter: Ninety and Nine.s"
 HOle-In.One Song
 Re the elusive hole-in one : Ever of Thee I'm Fondly Dreaming" "I Cam not Sleep Without Dreaming of You" "will c the Wisp," Opium Dreams, " Heavenly Vision" (Faust), My Ob- ject All Sublime" (Mikadol, "Oh, What Promise of Joy Divine Dream of Long Ago"
 When you shoot a hole in one stroke under par Little Birdies" (another of Galli-Curci's favorites(. When you make it in two under par "Invincible Eagle" When your tee shot lands in the cup and bounces out :: '"Ehe Mock ing Bird" When your tee shot holes out: Bird of Paradise" Cuckoo Song" "Delirious Rag" God Loves Me" "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" Lit tie Bit of Heaven" "- Its a Wonderful World, After All" With Joyful Shout" (Mikado), Dance of the Bugs"
 Tom And Jerry
 In the locker room: "Tom and Jer- ry," Alcoholic Blues,r "A Bumper wen Drain" (Traviata), Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes" And two of our own composition: Bonnie, Sweet Brassie," and T Love a Brassie, Bonnie, Bonnie Brassie."
 Huh? No. Ethel. Nobody Lied" won't do.