Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1924-05-30
JOE BEYO
(His Essays)
THE 1A1D-HEADED MAN

De man dat Is short Nv money
is in purity hard lock. De Teller
dat is shy wv credit is worser.
But de man dat is short Nv hair is
ter be pity. an 1 hope de Lord
have mercy on hees soul wen 1t
came ter a show up.
Twenty-Five yeer ago II de male
NV de human family don't had
SOM SYMPTOM Wv vegetashun on
hees dome he is regard as a freak,
an he be better off If he took ter
de wood an los heeself frum de
res NV de worl'. But now If he
fell short hair he call up de wig
maker an git de bes' de markit af-
ford an look lax a yong man in
no tam.
De bald-headed man Nv few yeer
ago was nevair satisfy wit heeself
an alters try ter improve hees
pers'nal appearance. SOM way err
udder. He nevair geeve up hope.
He is willin' try evryting dat, is
offer by anybuddy, am If it fale he
My brodder is beeg man an
weigh two honnerd an feefty
pound wit hees shirt on. But If
he is SO heavy he look it amt de
faul NV de brush on de top wv
hees brain. If nuddin' grow above
hees ear it amt fer de reason dat
he nevair fertilize de phase de same
it ought ter be.
Yass. he is try evryting you can't
tink up an. tree tousan' udder ting
ter boot. But de top hees he'd look
jess empty she nevair did befor',
an she don't seem improve de way
1t otter.
Wen de hair begun fell out in de
mrs, phase he was .diskurage, but
n fnf r. III 4
reason ter did SO. All hees nabor,
an de fren's he get beside, tor
heem If he proceed 'cordin' ter de
direckshun he will have he'd lax
fir tree in two, tree week if he
don't had bad lock.
So he is alters willin' grab at de
straw. an If he don't raise SOM
ting on hees dome, it amt de fault
de w'eel grease, he use. He has
try evryting. from donut fat ter
orange marma1ade. an de appli-
kashun is garantee ter did egg
zactly wat 1t don't.
But de bar-heded man is good
sticker an nevair give in tell all de
cures give out. He is reddy try any,
men'h phosphate an mollasses, he
blieve in it, an will plaster hees
bean wit de stuff tell he fine out
1t amt so.
Dere's plainly queer ting 60 on
in dis worP, and nobuddy seem
abul stop it. But de mos foolish
ting. ] nevair seen it man wit false
wore wig cos it look so harti-
hchal. Shore, he will spen' two
ours monkeyin", half duzzen pet
hair. He will comb dem dis way
an de udder way, an cross-way,
an yank DEM all over de planta-
shun. If he kin max dem look lax
Mise lettel oasin on de desert NV
de bes' effeck he kin perduse with
de material on han is not callate
ter fatten hees vanity. De hair, de
way he lay dem out, resembul a
radio earial against. de milky way.
SOM bar-heded person have
purity good resolt by soak:n' hees
he'd in hard cider befor' breakfast
apply ter de stummick on de in
sides is better. 1t will maxi de
pashunt felt yonger if he don't
It is often clame by de bes' Of
tority dat lack NV hair is shore
sign NV branes. ! dunno. but
tink de rule work hackwoods han
| am aqquaint wit has jess mooch
hair as goose aig, an hees chanse
NV CROWN a crop is o. K. Shore.
we'en de croka ball git fuzzy on de
outsides, he will have moss nun
on hees bean ter comb pompidoor
II he want it dat way.
De on'y shore cure fer a bar
he'd has went out NV style good
many yeer ago. In France wen de
giliiteen wuz workin' full tam il
wuZ easy. All a Teller had ter did
wuz cuss de king In tree diffrunt
Language an hees balls he'd wud
be chop frum hees shoulder an
carry of in baskit. After dat II
nevair bodder heem SOM more. an
he don't had ter use SOM more
vasaleen.
Per Romeo Horace Dyer.