The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-04-22
The Once OUer
The Hazard Of Kissing
By H. I. PHILLIPS

By HI. |. PHILlAFG & Ie . The Hazard Of Kissing
 Kissing is an extra hazardous occHpation according to Dr. D. B. Armstrong. prominent life insurance man. He classifies it witl railroading, stone-blasting, suspension bridge building, ballooning and other risky formi of endeavor. 1..
 Dr. Armstrong says the danger of the kiss varies with the time of day. In the early morning it is full of peril. Along toward noon it is still risky. A kiss around four in the afternoon may be taken with afeasonable regard for health. By theatre hour kisses are beginning to become quite safe, and the mid night kiss is as good as if it had the Dr. Wiley label on it. -n
 This is explained on the ground that germs use the lips as community parking: places while humans sleep. In the early morning hours these germs are very testy. They re- sent being disturbed and pacticularly resent being kissed. Especially by strangers.
 It is good business for a man. to do his kissing later in the day because as the day wears on the germs scatter and go into new territory. Some of them remain, but they grow more and more listless until by night they don't give a darn about anything. The attitude of a kiss germ after 2 o'clock in the evening is something like this: "Oh, well, I've looked after her all day and I'm all Jagged out. Now If she wants to go kiss ing and get malaria or Spanish influenza it's her own lookout"
 What peeves me-" declared prominent germ-about-town today, lis that in all this talk about what germs do to a kiss, nobody says a word about what kisses do to a germ.'
 "A lot of these kisses make a germ awfully sick. Most of them raise the deuce with a germs health and some germs are practically ruined for life by them. These little scrubby mustaches make me feel the worst 4!
 "Still. concluded the prominent germ, 1t ain't the kiss that distresses us germs so much as the conversation that goes with it. Some of the silly chatter a pair of spooners spill before and after kissing is what knocks me for row of isolation hos pitals.
 I'm only a young bug but I'm practically broken-dow old codger just from listening to this stuff!'
 .atH
 I've lead hazardous life. I'll tell the universe. There are lips and lips. Some are what might be called quiet zones and some are not I had an uncle who lived to be eighty years old. The lips he occupied belonged to very dignified and austere lady. As far as he knew she had never been kissed Then one day she met a handsome stranger with money and. we'll, he kissed her and the shock killed my uncle. But he'd had longer life than most germs.
 Take my father. for instanee--he was one of the best Ia grippe germs of his day. He died very young and it was horrible death. He was doing nicely in girls semi nary when he determined to branch out and see the world. He moved to the lips of one of those Spanish moving picture actresses when he was only fifteen. days of age.
 Well she was cast in one of those five reelers in which there is a big scene where the impassioned French hero kisses her for four minutes while the orchestra plays the Song of Vesuvious. We'll" but here the germ broke down completely. f,v es
 "Gwan and tell your story asbystander commanded. 95 ts
 We'll the germ resumed between sobs. my father did not have his asbestos suit on and he was burned to death!''