The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1924-02-07
"ME FOR THE BUG
HOUSE" SAYS 30
Anti-Work Artist Plans
Winter HibernatiOn in
Insane Asylum.
LEGAL MIND WINS
Victor Welcome, Character Ac-
tor, Prefers Nut-hOuse'
Service to that of Jail.


houses.
Firmly convinced that "the world
owes him a living" he has been at
tempting to eat without working for
the past 25 years and proudly an
nounced that in that time he has only
worked three years altogether, one of
which was spent in the Vermont peni-
Tertiary He visited police headquart-
ers for few minutes yesterday.
Welcome informed the police that
he is a travelling memory expert" and
that glibly he can tell the name of
every priest, Salvation Army captain,
and police official, between the AL
leghenies and the Mississippi who is
good for a "buck, bed, and feed"
He declares that his name assures
him of a welcome.
Off to the Bug-hOuse.
Sir Welcome, knight of the side
door and the rods, removed his pipe,
meditatively rubbed his hand over
his gray stubble of beard and
soliloquiZed:
Tomorrow night I'll have lost this
beard. Yessir, I'll be shaved, bathed,
I'll have lost my last louise, have a
new suit of clothes. I'll have wrapped
myself around a good feed, and have
a clean white bed to sleep in. I'll be
a voluntary patient in an insane asy-
lum, where the zero billiards. can't
reach me, and instinctively he pulled
his tattered overcoat around him.
"You see, I'm more or less of. a
lawyer, for / know the states in the
Union where they have state tramp
laws 1t took me year to learn about
the Vermont law, and since then I've
dug into the statutes of the other At
states. If | hadn't / might have had
to spend more of my 80 years learn
ing. I'm not so dumb that it takes
year to learn where they can throw
me in states prison for being a tramp.
Nosir, can learn that in three minutes
and by the association of ideas, re-
member it. They say, that writing a
thing down helps to remember it, so
if you'll look on the walls of the
Vermont pen, you'll find my name on
every brick. I've never been back
there since.
Through the study OF law have
learned that certain states have vol
untary commitment to the state in
sane asylums. They can't keep you
over 80 days after you have been
They will send you before the COM
mission in three weeks after you
land there, and then you get the
run of the place.
"Swell Nut-hOuses."
"Illinois has the SWEETEST nut-houses
of any state in the Union, and beside
they have the voluntary commitment
law. They have three of them down
there, and of the three, Kankakee IS
the best. They have the best food,
the best beds, the sharpest razors, and
the 'warmest scatter
> Now tomorrow morning I'll go to the
nearest courthouse over the state line
and tell the judge that / feel queer
in my head. He'll turn me over to Il
couple of medicos. I'll get close to
them and confde the startling fact
that l am Nero, and that / plan to
burn Rome IN. W They will look
at each other and then at me.
$50 you are Nero?' they will ask.
al am I'll announce with 'convic-
ton, and then produce the match
which l intend to use in my incendi-
airy operations.
'Hallucinations and delusions,' they
will murmur to each other, and nod
their heads sagely. That nod will be
my meal ticket for the next three
months. So, you see, if it weren't
for my legal knowledge, l would go
to Jail like the illiterate buns. Oh,
there is nothing like the legal mind
to remove the thorns of work from
the pathway of life.
"I'll be Nero this time, for during
the past five years | have bene Napo-
leon, julius Caesar, Adam, John the
Baptist, or the Voice, and Mark An
thony. / rather liked the role of
livering Shakespeare Grafton. 1t had
a sonorous sound to it.
Plays Many Parts.
GAS Adam, I always wanted to take
my clothes off, and was always hunt
ing for the garden while a, John,
had chance to steal some of the Sal
walton captains stuff-and maybe l
don't know that like so l could do it
in my sleep. I've spent hours listen
ing to it,, and all the time wondering
when they were going to pass the
soup. didn't like Caesar or Napo-
leon so we'll because all I had to do
was strut around and resent insults.
They were both dumb parts"
What do you plan to do?" queried
Assistant ChiefNJohn Czyak. what
is there ahead of your"
ooh, one Of these days I'll die"
Welcome responded philosophically.
"And then what ?" queried the chief.
"What will you say to st. Peter ?"
"Ill ask him where the New Jeru-