The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1924-02-22

QuceQ IN the french caplJdl Inc
Polish beauty's qualification for the
virgin role is about as Incompetent
sible as the virgin birth theory to an
atheist.
President M. L. Burton, of the Uni
versity of Michigan, states that the
four outstanding Americans of the
twentieth century are Theodore
Roosevelt, Henry Ford, Thomas Edi-
son and Orville Wright. Teddy owes
his leadership to his comprehension
Of the social problems of his time;
Ford for his proficiency in turning
out fiivvers; Edison for his inven-
tons, and Wright for his work in
heavier than air flying. DR.. Burton
could find no literary man to place
on his list. What about Walt Mason
or Calvin Coolidge? They turn out
some funny stuff.
+ a
Samuel Gompers is holding down.
his rising gorge. That portion of his,
anatomy experienced an upward
trend when he learned that the Ger
man embassy in Washington failed
to honor Woodrow Wilson by placing
it's flag at half mast. Sam had a
good time while Wilson was in the
White House. His son got good
Job in one of the federal depart
ments. Sam will not bite the hand
that fed him even after it is cold.
Gompers referred to the officials Of
Gsra1r1ce1rO hsaoo,reo erTnta
an insult was offered to ''our" people.
There was no indication of national
Indignation except what was visible
in the capitalist press and on the
faces of the flunkeys who sold them
selves for consideration to the CAPT
talist class of this country during
the war. "The German workers
thought I would not move to their
aid because / fought them so vigor-
ously during the war, but they for
get that am a trade unionist." That
is just why the simple minded Ger
mans cannot understand him. In
Germany carrying a union card does
not give a "brother" license to mur
der his fellow worker. No, Sam, they
didn't forget. That's the cause of
the misunderstanding
Samuel Gompers is not a column
list but he is a great help. But for
people like Sam who say foolish
things a columnist would be obliged
to rack his brains for unusual incl
dents worthy of notice. AS it is the
speeches of Gompers, Coolidge, Bea-
trice Fairfax, Billy Sunday and Will
liam J. Burns are constant source
of inspiration to columnists, poets
and cartoonists.
It is rumored in Washington that
the Prohibition Department of the
Treasury intends to issue a daily
casualty list. This would have been
done long ago but for the fear that
a panic might seize the nation and
the people of this country who have
been celebrating the armistice might
feel they were suffering from a ter
rible nightmare since 1918. The list
of dead and wounded resulting from
the efforts to make bootlegging a
profitable tho hazardous business
would if published make the Euro
pean war look like Finnish picnic.
Since the shooting of Senator
Frank L. Greene, of Vermont, while
walking in the vicinity of the Capitol
by a prohibition agent for no reason
except perhaps that he did not APP
pear to be under the influence OF
LIQUOR, senators are talking quite
seriously of purchasing coats Of mail
and wearing bullet proof helmets.
Southern senators are talking Of for
tifying the senate chamber. Owing
to the presence of oil, senators are
not allowed to carry flame throwers
else the upper house could beat Off
attacks with some degree of success.
The resignation of Otto Bran
stetter, former national secretary Of
the Socialist Party of America, has
set the rumor mills going in the
Windy City. 1t is reported in quar-
tiers generally considered authentic
that Otto drew the last dime in the
treasury and then handed in his
resignation with a recital of his
sacrifices for the cause. In departing
from the office he filled so well. Mr.,
Branstetter declared that the Illness
of Eugene Debs rendered it almost
impossible to keep the party in a
functioning condition as Genes un-
availability for lecture tours robbed
the organization Of its only visible
means of support. Branstetter dis
tinguished himself during his term Of
Office by giving the department of
justice every possible assistance in
discovering literature published by
the American communists while they
were living in state Of enforced IL
legality. Otto is a painter and sue
ceeded admirably in changing the
color Of the S. P. from pale pink to
deep yellow. The question now is,
"Where does he go from here?"