davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1924-10-05

To Editor The Star. who un-
doubtedly know less about several
things than his Printer.
~ EAREST SIR: What You
think now. il anything?
festdy morning am. Mrs.
- G. W. Quackmre, my sweet
hearted keeper. arrive TO
Hon. Kitchen with following remark:
Togo, she say so hurryly, my
cousin Petunia Jones are going to be
married and should know better at
her age
AT what age do they commence to
learn? | ask to know with salts
ticks in my throat
That are neither hither nor thith-
er, she begrudge. wv hat l require
OF you are silence of the most MUIR
rIShing kind, and please to do this
chore with immediate quickness
Elope speedily to Grand Onion sta
ton where they are a Information
Bureau. Walk forward TO Mr.. Infor-
nation Cor Miss Information as the
Cass may be) and require with intel
lectual voice. Dear Sir & Madam IN,
when do next train start for HaIla-
luya Junction, where is il. if any
where's. and how much money can !
save if | get off at Boyle's Cross
Section took a trolley from there?
If so, what in the world will do with
my baggage?' Run suddenly, Togo,
for i have scarcely time to scratch
my name off a End handed wedding
present Il press my ceremonial hat"
Mr.. Editor, because / are a great
traveller, ackwainted with all RR
stations from Rock of Gibraltar to
India. you can umagine what very
young Child-play this work would be
1or me! Think of me who, with
nothing but taxicab TO help. have
dshcovered six (6) very rare temples
on the Island of Java-umagine what
a snapp of ease it must be to find one
Cd slightly small town in America,
Poo-poo l say that narrowly through
my ears
Therefore l set my most publick
derby slightly on my head & settle
forth to Grand Onion Station. While
on way there | meet my Cousin NDgi,
who are not working this week, as
usual
Where going so fastly?" he re-
quire without employment.
ITO Information Bureau" | mar
rate, where shall pick out a cheap
train for Mrs. {. w. Quackmire, en-
ployeress."
How boyish,' he laughter You
remember that date in Tahiti when
we was obliged TO talk French to a
Chinaman while driving fivver?'
Il have no time for memories |
dib.
But what shall Nogi do but go
along because Satin has MiSschif Still
for Idol Hands to DO.
x X x
DRETTY soonly then we arrive TO
L Grand Onion Station where all
America seem to be moving some
where's with suitcase. Great size OF
that room like outdoors had been
fenced in with benches all over it.
At far away distant | could observe
a enlarged quotation in gold which
say diStinctually information. POI
ladies' most of them very wide across.
stood clustered around that. making
question marks with their hands. But
because duty makes us brave tShak-
Spear) ! splunge right into that with
diving elbows peculiar to Annit kel-
lcrman.
While stuck in that mobb with a
stummick Scrushed between several
angry corSets l hear female sounds
which look to my ears like this: -. 5 )
Oshkosh Flyer why do the
Evening star., 1924-10-05

LETTER No. I. (From our correspond
ent, Miss Lucinda Lovelorn, to our
selves. BY the way, we named her.
We know how to pick the names
every time.)
- duced by a gentleman
friend to a gentleman on
a street car. Yesterday
met this second gentleman
on the streets and he asked me if |
would walk with him afternoons. l
do not know yet whether i love him,
as l have only seen him on a street
car. Prephaps you can tell me whether
there would be anything unladylike
in me doing 80. If l walk with him.
is 1t proper to walk on the left side
of gentleman or does the lady walk
on the right side?"
LETTER No. 2. (From Ourselves
to Lueinda.)
Yes we think you may safely
accept the invitation to walk with
your new friend afternoons. Whether
you walk on his left side of his right
will depend on circumstances lf ne
has lost his left eye you walk on MS
right side. otherwise you have your
pick Of sides.
But, remember, Lucinda, that you
must let him see from your manner
at the very first that your feeling for
him is purely one of wholesome
camaraderie and nothing further.
Without being cold to him, put into
your manner just that little touch or
hauteur and that suspicion of elolgne-
ment that will let him realize that
you are lady.
'In other words, we mean, don't let
him start anything. Do you get u.s.?
LETTER No. 3. (From Lucinda
to Us.)
The gentleman friend with which
/ have been walking afternoons ask
ed me IL he might call mornings and
also take me out nights. i do not
know whether i love him yet, al
though he is a good dresser. VIII it
be all right if / let him take me to
pictures nights? Till now whenever
gentlemen friends have taken me
places evenings mother has been
along If l go with this party to
pictures do you think that / COM
promise myself. and If il was you
would you have mother along?"
Letter No. 4. (From Us to Iucinda.)
We have thought over your sweet
letter very deeply, dear Lucinda, be-
cause we realize how perplexed and
how troubled you are. On the whole
we think that you may now safely go
Evening star., 1924-10-05

so finally that a refusal becomes diff
fcult IL not impossible.
For such letter, however. il is
not wise to rely upon the unaided
imagination. Here again the use of
systematiZed form is greatly to be
preferred. The general requirements
for such letter we are prepared TO
state in the following terms, which
are based, We may say, on some of
the greatest current authorities:
I'm the perfect letter of propose
the young lover should first of all
dwell upon the depth and sincerity OF
his love. He should express at the
same time his esteem and apprecia-
tion of the family with which he
hopes to have the honor of entering.
And in conclusion in a manly and
frank way he should say something
about his own position in life and
his prospects.
Dear Miss Blank Blank.
Ever since I first had the honor OF
meeting you beside the saWdust pile
behind the sawmll al the Y NJ G. A.
picnic on the 18th June, ult.. 1 have
realized that l entertain for you
feeling which is different from any
feeling which ! have hitherto enter
tained for any one for whom I have
entertained feeling. Your coming
into my life has brought something
into my life which was not in my life
before you brought it into my life.
Il cannot hope in any way to BE-
worthy of you and the more / think
of you the more / despise myself and
realize that till l met you / had been
moving steadily down. but that after
j met you ! went UP and / think that
with your help | could keep on going
up and staying up.
Since / met you ] have also had
the pleasure of meeting your mother
and your father. and | have learned
to love and honor them. / think your
father is too cute for anything Didn't
he look just killing in that little vel
vet smoking Jacket the other eve
ming? My feeling towards your
mother are also d matter which !
think should give me added claim
to your favorable consideration. !
myself never had d mother. But now
that l have seen yours, l am, in a way,
as il were and so to speak, glad.
MY prospects in life are such as
will at least enable me to maintain
you as well as YOU are maintained
now. Ny salary. while not large. will
suffice to support you and TO dress
you in part at least which is all !
dare ask you at present AT my
| uncle's death l expect TO inherit a
very comfortable personal fortune
and il is clear, therefore. that in or
der to be in satisfactory situation
l have only TO poison my uncle.
ON AL these grounds | venture TO
ask your hand in marriage and to re-
quest the favor of a reply at your
early convenience TO B506, Station 3
= ::
IT is hardly necessary for US TO
indicate the correct form in which
an answer to such letter of proposal
should be framed. The training in
business correspondence now given
to all young girls in our secondary
schools makes such a composition a
matter of extreme ease. But we
might merely suggest that the nor
NAL and usual answer in the best cir
cleS runs as follows:
Dear Sir.
Yours OF the 18th instant to hand
and contents noted and in reply
would say that accept your propose
F.. Q. B. this city. and will take deliv-
cry of goods at any time Love and
kisses from your loving
LUCINDA
Copyright. 1924
Evening star., 1924-10-05

out at night with your new friend,
but remember that in granting him
this privilege you must let him know
that you have in no way ceased to be
a lady. 1t would be necessary for you
to resist in a dignified way any undue
advances that he may make. We
would suggest that you carry tack
hammer along with you and il your
new friend, as we have said. starts
anything. let him have it on the bean.
And, by the way, let us know what
he does about the advances. We are
always interested in that sort of
thing.
We note. further, that you ask
whether. if it was we, we should
want your mother along. No, dear,
we wouldn't"
Letter No. 5. (From Lucinda to Vs.
Since I wrote you last the gentle
man friend of which / spoke about
took me out twice nights. ! do not
know whether ! love him dearly yet,
but he is to have an increase of sal
ary from his firm because he is an A
salesman. The last time we went out
he asked me if ! liked Holsters, be-
cause if | did he knew where they
had a good lobster place. but | said
Evening star., 1924-10-05

ness" gubble Hon. Info, there
wouldn't be no Information Bureaux.
In what State are this Hallaluya
Junction you mention so candidly?"
s'There you go again. asking ques-
tions?" / CUB.
yet if l select a town for you I
must know what State" he acknowl-
edge.
HXIHAT States have you this morn
ing?' / ask 1t, thinking
suddenly.
Speaking from the alphabet" he
commence while telling 8 fatty ladies
they mustn't cry until the lecture is
over. Eve have Arizona. Alabama,
Boston, Bridgeport, California. Colo
RADIO. Canada, Dakota. Delaware
THAT will be Sufficiently. thank
you" l obtrude. Which one of those
States contain this town Hallauya
Junction?
There are Haualuya functions in
which have l3."
Which one OF those has got a null
cipality labelled Boyle's Cross Section ~
l derive like Sherlock Homes
All Of them has 4 axcept others
which has A." he splurge. .'Sipposing
while others wait you elope home to
Mrs. c. w. Quakerbush and make her
buy A geography"
by time ! could do that" l scorn.
Cousin Petunia Jones might get a
divorce. No Sir & Madam I shall stay
here to find out | tell you what / shall
do. Kindly to inform me what Hallaluya
Junction are cheapest ride from hereT'
we got nice one right across the
River he divudge while reading wise
dom from a book full of arithmatick g.
names. Il are sure she would admire
this town. 1t have the largest emotion
picture house in the state Price to get
Evening star., 1924-10-05

there are 9$&46c exclusive Of upper
berth which are all sold out. Tram leave
at IL :S8 pm. & she change cars at
Billhurst, Frogg's Landing all points
East. This train have no diner, Pullman
car or anything aycept a engine & con-
ductor. Therefore Mrs. Quigbore will
not be worried on her juney. Anything
else you wish know
While l stood there strangling en-
larged ladies make football on my kneck
and want to know how they can lose
their train amidst 60 much Of my talk
Yet / Clungg to counter with egger
knuckles and could not let go for such
persons.
Mr. knowledge" / apply desperly
''sipposing Mrs. c. w. Quackmire do not
dishcover Boyle's Cross Section while
going there q how could she check her
trunk SO it would take a trolley ride
with her? If SO, how much money would
she save"
II are helpluss to tell you" he says
so like cats.
How 50 you reply like that" | renig
Are you not Information Bureau"
Il are" he vampire. But l are not
a Puzzle Editor"
But / ask to know-'
Before l could start this new in
telligence one hui lady Of Irish Re
puoifchdH farty StrOReo me on the
knecktie while omitting these rage
words:
Il have been standing here nineteen
Gs) minutes listening to those fooly
words when all | want to know are
How can catch the 10.47 train for Chi
cago when it have been gone !.
hour?
/ strogge some more, but could do
nothing then. l10 brutal ladies had
poured their elbows all over me so it
could be no use.
So go back where Cousin Nogi stand
there doing nothing as usually
Evening star., 1924-10-05

Show Girl Express start without my
Mary Jane? can | send my
grandmother, age 90, on the 2.22 on a
milk diet? do the Barber s
Special arrive on daylight shaving
time? & etc, & etc, g.
Pretty soonly | were injured twice
while striking that Information Desk
while steamed gentleman resembling
Hon. Bert Hover in RR soldier
clothes poke his face at me and re-
quire following:
What you wish, if anything"
You are Information. are not?"
ask it hottily. Then why you COM
mence by shooting me with d ques-
ton"
How could | read your mind stand
ing here" he manipulate from weari-
ness.
THAT are Question No. already.
| narrate. Now for revenge | shall
tell YOU my conundrum. How ca n
Mrs. {. W. Quackmire, married. of
1l46 Punjab Ave, catch hold of next
train for Hallaluya Junction, where
is ii. if anywheres, & how much
money can she save if she fall off at
Boyle's Cross Section K took a trolley
from there? If so, what in this world
will she do with her baggage"
Il can tell her what she can do
with her baggage in next world" he
report Internationally.
Let us start at that end" ! report.
What in next world can she do with
her baggage?
She can send it to-eXcuse me,
we are not permitted to discuss re-
lidgeon in this depot. Where do this
Mrs Quick mud wish go to-
"Hallaluya Junction" | say trans
narentIy Cousin Petunia Jones are
getting married and should know
better at her age.
IF there was d age-limit to foolish
Evening star., 1924-10-05
Old-Time Pennant Winners

of that era, possessed wonderful
throwing arm. In fact, he held the
world record for base ball throwing
at more than 400 feet. Manager
Scanlon coached Crane to pitch, so
that the former outfielder developed
into a creditable box artist except
for occasional streaks OF wildness
In one game he retired IL men via
the strikeoue route-a meritorIous
performance for those days OF pow
erful batting.
"Grasshopper Jim" Whitney was
one Of the freaks of the National
lineup for several seasons. Whitney
had very long legs and always made a
peculiar jump in delivering the ball
hence his nickname. Enoch Bakely,
the cannonball speed king of the
early s0s helped the Nationals to
win many games. His successors on
Cyclone Jim" Duryea. Hank" Cast
right, Frank Foreman. "Phil' kneii
and "Af' Maui.
During the period from 1894 to
1900 win" Mercer was Washington's
star SALESMAN. He won SO out of III
games which he twirled for the Ma
tionals during six years, and was con-
sistently a 800 hitter or better
Lester German, the world champion
trap-shooter, for a time was Mercers
teammate on the Nationals roster.
Although his arm was in bad shape.
"A" Maui fooled Washington oppo-
nents for five seasons with his won
derful slow ball.
wild Bill" Donovan broke into big
time base ball in Washington. and,
while a member Of the Nationals, won
the famous name frontispiece which
thereafter always stuck with him.
"AI' Orth, the curveless wonder, was
another old-timer who played with
the Nationals, his most remarkable
achievement being a .31S batting
average one year for 81 games.
Up to the time when Walter John
son Joined the Nationals, the best
pitching records of the team were
held by Win" Mercer. The peerless
Johnson has not only smashed to
smithereens all the hurting marks
hung up by Mercer and his successors.
but has also proved himself to be the
greatest all-tfme' twirler of American
base ball.
Evening star., 1924-10-05
BY FRANK &. CARPENTER.
ZAMROANC;A p

TT will be more than 10 years before
Uncle Sam can cOaSCientiouSly
abandon the Seni-Savages of the
Philippine Islands. AS ] have al
ready written. We have here scores
Of peoples with languages 50 different
that the men who live on one side of
mountain are often unable to make
themselves understood to those dwelling
on the opposite slope.
According TO the report of the Wood
Forbes commission. which came into
contact with every class Of people on
the archipelago. there are in the Philip
pines As different photographic groups,
a nd the distinct dialects spoken number
81. In other words. the islands have
more separate peoples than has the con-
tinent of Europe. and they speak Il
greater variety of languages.
The Christian Filipinos themselves.
who number more than nine millions.
are divided up into groups. each of
which has its own language. and out
side them there are million or so of
Moros and paganS made up of fam
tiles or clans. many of which can no
more unde rstand the others than a
Frenchman can understand Germans,
Italians or Russians. There are Il
half dozen Moro dialects spoken by
the several tribes around Lake Lanao,
and the same is true of other parts
of Mindanao, of the island groups of
Evening star., 1924-10-05

cal columns from top to bottom.
Some of them are Mohammedans
Palawan is classed as one OF the
southern islands, and in case of any
division of territory it would go with
Mindanao and the Sulu Archipelago.
x 4 X x
A MONG the people who will need
careful handling are the Bagobas.
who live along the eastern and
southern slopes OF Mount Apo not
far from the thriving town Of Davao.
These pagans number about 10000.
/ met some of them while / was in
that part of the world years ago,
chatted with their leaders through
an interpreter, and got an insight
into their customs and religion from
the vice presidente. a Filipino school
teacher. who had spent his life near
them. He told me there were four
teen different languages used within
a radius of 40 miles Of Davao. He
said the Bagobas had a class of spe-
cal murderers, who were known by a
certain turban, which gave the owner
a license to kill. This was a piece
of red cotton the size of bandana
with white polka dots
altered over ii. | saw a Bagoba
man who wore one and asked him
Evening star., 1924-10-05

had killed the most was considered
the greatest. As soon as young
man reached his majority he started
out to make a reputation seeking the
haunts of a neighboring tribe where
he lay in ambush with his spear or
poisoned arrows and awaited his hu-
man game. Whenever he killed a
man or woman he cut off an ear or
finger as evidence OF his valor, and a
string Of these was the badge of a
successful hunter
Just before l came to Davao a Ba-
goba had stabbed a ViSayan, driving
his spear clear through the body of
the victim. The Visayan, with the
spear still in him. turned and chopped
off the head of the Bagoba with
bolo He recovered through the aid
of an army surgeon. and gave the
surgeon the bolo as n reward for saw
ing his life.
] am told that there are still occa-
sional sacrifices by these people, but
that they are gradually being brought
into civilized ways. Villages for them
have been established in the region
about Davao. and they have schools
with regular teachers. Some of them
are raising hemp for export.
Evening star., 1924-10-05

the guests and carried away. He
says that no part of the corpse was
eaten, or tasted, but that the Bagoba
warriors sometimes eat the livers of
their braver enemies, thinking thus
to gain valor.
The sacrifices are supposed to be
made once q year and to have an eff
feet on the spirits who are troubling
the people. My presidente friend told
me that slaves were usually taken
for this purpose. and he described the
ceremony of their execution. The
slave was first stripped and then tied
to a limb of a tree so that he was
forced to stand upright. The owner
of the slave always struck the first
blow, using barong as sharp as a
razor and almost as heavy as butch
er's cleaver. With this he cut the
victim across the neck from behind.
AS the neck was stretched, he was
usually able to cut the head from the
body: thereupon the rest of the tribe
came up one by one and gave a cut at
the dying human. At the end of the
ceremony the body had become mince-
meat and the gods were supposed to
be pleased or appeased.
At that time the Bagobas had their
professional killers and the man who
Evening star., 1924-10-05

What do you find OUT he report
cheerily.
IF should tell you" I gubble, YOU
would swallow your own brain at
tempting to understand il. In fu-
ture when | wish to get confused /
shall come to this Information Bu-
reau G. do So"
Il think / shall start a Informa-
tion Bureau until ! can obtain an
other job of servant girl" narrate
Nogi.
Shall you tell persons about rail-
roads so that they will know even
less than now dib like cannibal.
Not ezackly," he peruse. Il shall
start a Bureau for Gen. Intelligence
so to ask questions what everybody
require to know"
such aZz?" This from me.
Il shall answer replies like these:
What Will Germany do with Dawes
Reparation if they don't understand
it no better than America? Now that
Hon. Prints OF Wales have visited
America will he ask America back to
Evening star., 1924-10-05

visit him? If Hon. Davis & Hon.
Coolidge have got all the Presiden
tial tickets must Hon. La Folette
purchase his from a scalper? If it
take 8 aviators six Co months to get
around the World how long would il
take one Cd ottomobile to get
around the 18th Emendment?"
Since you are dishing up such
much Information" l 81 a. grone,
kindly told me one very small ques
ton"
10000" he say for sweetly smiling
What should ! say to Mrs. c. w.
Quackmire when ! get home and she
ask to know what happen to Halla-
luya Junction train?
Tell her it are hours late" he re-
port. When saying this you are
sure to be right"
Nogi have some brite | Ds although
usually quite brainless.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly
HASHIMURA TOGO
fCopyright 1924
Evening star., 1924-10-05
Continued from First Page.)

ing the days when Bob" Barr pitched
for the Nationals. Hank" O'Day one
Of organized base balls mast success
full umpires, also was a slabman for
the Scanlon outfit. O'Day's best rec
ord with Washington was 13 wins for
the season out of 10 games in which
he oficiated.
Some of Washington's oldest resi-
dents may even remember the Olym-
pics, Nationals. Jeffersons, Creigh-
tons and Chesapeake kes-the pioneer
Capital on the diamond. Their dia-
monds at one time bordered the old
canal, which extended from George
town to the Washington Market
The first fenced ball grounds in
Washington we're at Sixteenth and
S streets, and were used by the
Olympics and the Nationals. In
those days the general admission fee
was only 25 cents and a crowd of
1000 to 5000 constituted record
attendance. Later on a professional
playing field was located at the cor
ner of New Jersey avenue and g
street. special feature OF this
project was a kids" gallery. where
the youngsters Interested in base
ball were allowed to sit and watch
the games for 10 cents apiece.
Y
TN 1886 Fred (Flea) Shaw was
moundsman mate of Bob" Barr
on the Nationals pay roll. Shaw at
one time was the greatest southpaw
pitcher in the country, but by the
time he came to Washington his arm
was going Rack on him, and. after
Detroit defeated him nine times in
as many games. Manager Scanion
let him go.
The following season Washington
boasted what was nicknamed the
shadow battery" consisting of Gill
more and Mack. They were so called
because both players were tall and
very thin. The Mack Of this battery
was none other than Connie" Nc
Gillicuddy, the mogul Of base ball
up Philadelphia way.
Ed Crane a Washington player