The Washington times., 1924-11-03
With The
Abb Artists
IA Cross Section Of the
Daily Grind in Judge
Mattingly's Court.
Read EN- and Weep
By DONALD MacDOUGAL
The New Gospel.

there at an angle to the curb.
About half q block ahead Of me /
saw a pair OF headlights and the
first OF the three cars mounted
the, sidewalk and headed for me.
II I hadn't becn q pretty good
football player In my college days
I wouldn't be IN this witness box
now. I'd be in different kind
Of a box-prettier and better fit
ting but I'm just as well salts
fled.
II jumped. and the second car
blew up its tire on the spot where,
my feet left the ground, and when
reached the highest point Of my
trajectory. the third car missed
me by a gnat's eyelash. Somehow
reminded myself Of Captain
John Smith running the gauntlet
when the Indians had him.
Auto Army Makes Big Gain.
"Dodging the first car didn't
mean anything dodging one car
is no stunt everybody can do
that, and guess everybody in
Washington has done 1t. But
when three cars came at me In
echelon formation. with such pre-
cision and high morale, got q
little scared for the nonco.
During the hour and q half
that I seemed to stay In the air,
all sorts of wild ideas beset mR.
I remembered that llydrophobia
sometimes lies dormant in the
system for several months. and
1t occurred to me that maybe
those machines had been bitten
during the dog days, and the
malady had just reached the vio-
lent stage. In fancy could
see myself plunging into the near.
est apartment house, pursued by
a pack Of fabid flivvers.
Or Speedometer Trouble.
"Then again. perhaps the con-
tinued use Of crazy gas had
brought on a Strange, now cpl
den1ic among Washington cars
say the carburetor and throttle
disease, and I determined as soon
as / came down, to climb q tree.
can appreciate now Major
L'Enfant's uncanny foresight in
specifying these adjunts to the
beauty and safety Of Washing
tons streets.
"As in the case Of drowning,
my whole former life passed be-
fore my eyes. I could remember
every cigarette had borrowed,
every apple and watermelon
had stolen as q child, every mean
thing I ever said to my mother
iIi-law, and a large proportion Of
74NfA NC khHvNorO mbA he'd NneaSA
TO me.
Ever Sec One Gather3
II landed on a terrace about
! twenty feet back Of the sidewalk,
and ran down to join the rapidly
gathering crowd and help search
the ruins for the dead and injured.
I only found one dead man, and
when tried to pull him out by
/ the hair he whispered huslxily,
Z Nope. No shampoo this time.
Ouch! What the hell you trying
to dor He wasn't dead at all,
but had crawled into the wreck.
age to look for q bottle Of medi-
cine he'd left under the rear seat.
J Then I helped to back the defend
ants car out from the debris, and
hold him until the police came. !"
Counsel: ibid you see a Black
and White taxi come around the
corner Of N street and force the
defendant toward the curb?"
IT saw q taxi run by, but I
didn't notice what else It did.
My attention was taken UP in an.
other direction"
Marco Polo Returns.
Boob: 1T was returning from a
social function in Deanwood--"
where's Deanwood?"
TITS about two miles north
east Of Kenilworth. Kenilworth
is two miles out from Benning.
Benning is a rival Of Twining
City, and Twining City is q
suburb of Anacostia."
Lets get a little nearer town.
How did the accident happen?"
LAS I approached the inter.
section of N street, a Black and
White taxi ran out of N street
so fast it put him on the wrong
side. / swerved to the right to
avoid him, and caught the first
car Of the row. That hit the
next, and the next hit the last
and the last hit a tree"
Bumps Wrong Car.
Counsel: "TIe had to have a
collision with the parked car or
the taxi. He tried to avoid both,
but the taxi left too little room
for him."
The court: "That would be
plausible If others besides the de-
PENDANT and his witness had told
about this taxi. No one else
saw a taxi there"
THE first government witness
testified he saw a taxi there.
your honor"
"The court does not recall
such testimony"
1.-THE Alibi Man, mas It in his
notes-I saw him writing it."
You don't know what he was
writing-he doesn't know, him.
self, half the time. How about
it, Mr.. McDougal?"
We Become Respectable.
Alibi Man (reading from notcsl:
Direct examination, first gov
eminent witness Counsel:
Did You see taxi drive In
front Of him?' Witness: There
was taxi there, but I couldn't
see what It did,
The Court: "Such clear, definite
notes cannot be ignored. The de.
PENDANTS testimony about the
taxi is corroborated. He swerved
to avoid the taxi-there Is no
other reasonable explanation. He
had to have an accident one way
or the other, through no fault OF
his, and the case is dismissed
Whittier Than Snow.
Which proves our long con.
tinued and vociferously advanced
claim, that the reports In the
Alibi Column are pure and sim
pie statements Of what trans
pires in Traffic Court, without
faint Of exaggeration or suspicion
OF distortion. In other wards, the