Evening star., 1924-12-14
CAMPAIGN FIGURES LAMPOONED
At GRIDIRON CLUBS BANQUET
Remnants From Noven,ber Struggle Are offered
at AUCTION" Attended by Notable Company From
Throughout Country.-'Prophets'' Also Suffer.
Continued from First Page.)

sitencer. Just what l wanted, he
grunted. "for Secretary of the Navy
Wilbur"
Then a battered teapot was offered.
Nobody wanted it. Quoth John w.
Davis, Il tried my best to make that
teapot work. but somehow or other,
it wouldn't draw
Yes said Senator La Toilette
John and ! wanted to hold the cleo
ton on Tea Pot Dome, but the peo-'
pie went to the Boston Tea Party.
instead" The auctioneer said 1t
would be sent back to the Senate,
for no matter how battered the is
sue. the Senate could still use it."
Here is a genuine farmers cos
tune, guaranteed to make the wearer
look like a Vermont farmer. said the
auctioneer, holding up "rube" cos
tune. Magnus johnson wanted it,
saying that he would not make an
other speech while he remains in the
Senate.
Sold to Magnus Johnson for
good and valuable consideration"
was the cry.
Are you going to have your pic
ture taken in it,. SENATOR"
Il am going to use it after
March A.
Shaver Bids on Map.
a map of the Confederate States.
Glenn Shaver bid it in, saying 'it
would make it easier to keep track
Of John w. Davis electoral votes"
This map doesn't show Kentucky"
protested Shaver.
IT'S a new map. Mr.. Shaver; Ken
lucky was Democratic B. c."
''B. G. ?r
"Yes-Before Coolidge"
so this map is A. DE-"
'Yes-After Davis"
Have you a map of Wisconsin,
"No, Senator La Follette-Wiscon-
sin hasn't been on the map since No
vember A.
How about the rest of the States?'
They don't need separate maps
any more-they're all annexed to
Massachusetts,"
A pair of angels" wings were ex-
hibited, placed on sale by Barney
Baruch, after McAdoo's defeat for the
nomination, and bought in by Chair
man Butler for William Wrieley.
The campaign hat of Senator La Fol-
lette was offered and examined care
fully by William G. McAdoo.
Il thought you wore this out, Sem
ator La Toilette" he said.
II never wore it; passed it,"
The auctioneer held up a package
marked "24," and the crowd sang out
"A-I-a-bama casts "a votes for I'm
derwood."
Smith to Teach Southerners.
Gov. Smith said he would take them
and teach the Southern Democrats
to sing the Sidewalks of New York."
The auctioneer exhibited a copy of
the Democratic platform, which Gov.
Smith wanted Il am going to re-
write it for 1925" he explained.
THE next Democratic convention
won't go to New York" he was told.
mo, but the nomination WILL" as
serted the Governor.
"I would not mind running against
you again, Governor" interposed Col.
Roosevelt.
why. colonel, / am not thinking
of running for Governor in 1921
Neither am /, AL, neither am t.
The two woman Governors who
were elected in November, Mrs. Fer
guson and Mrs. Ross, were imper-
sonated by members Of the club, who,
In song, recited what those executives
proposed to do. Some Of the verses
ran this way, to the tune of Son Of
a Gambolier":
WOmen's Platform Outlined.
Two governors. two governors, two
governors are We
We are the niftiest pair of DANES that
ever you did see.
Our program Is to work all day and
then sit up all night.
To run an earthly paradise, with
everything alright.
And first well have a special course
for little girls at school,
To teach them how, when they grow
up. their commonwealths to
rule.
Well have creations story changed,
it really makes us grieve,
To see the men lay all the blame upon
our Mother Eve.
I'm going to rout the Ku Klux Klan
and put upon the beds
The sheets that in their foolish way
they wear upon their heads.
I'll put tax on powder puffs and
f1appers with bobbed hair,
I'll let the men say goodness me" but
nobody shall swear.
''IIl stop the stores from sending
bills. I'll Danish cigarettes.
I'll have no poker parties now. nor
any racing bets.
But I'll allow the women folks at
least one privilege,
Their husbands can for dinner wait
while they are playing bridge.
when I see a man convicted for a
beating of his wife.
I'll send him to the county jail and
keep him there for life.
Unless he's very handsome, for I love
handsome man,
It's only the real. ugly ones that pro-
pose to can.
I'm Texas I will fix 1t so the men do
all the work,
And wash and cook and do the things
that they now always shirk.
And in progressive Wyoming I'm
willing to assert
That nobody shall have job who
doesn't wear skirt.
1.-TWO governors, two governors, two
governors, we are,
But when we get into a scrape, just
watch us run to pa"
Senate Clusters Up.
OF course, the outlawing Of the Re
publican insurgent Senator'S had to
be touched upon. Three members of
the club, in golf attire, entered the
hall, arguing hotly among themselves.
They explained they were Senator
Edge OF New Jersey, Senator Reed of
Pennsylvania and Senator Spencer of
Missouri, "the membership committee
Of the Regular Republican Country
Club" and they were highly indignant
over the conduct of four of their
members-
La Follette's foursome. His part
ners are Brookhart, 'Ladd and
Frazier. They're trying to ruin our
club"
Then came the following dialogue:
They holler 'woor every time
President Coolidge tries to putt"
tIn my championship match in
New Jersey they ran in a ringer,
who hit me In the ear with ball