The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-10-23
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
THE OLD APPLE SAUCE

The serpent in the Garden
Was the first to peddle junk
When he made poor Eve a sucker
By the apple "wise-guy" bunk.
For when Eve ate the apple
1t revealed that she was nude;
So to pass the buck to Adam,
She served Adams apple stewed.
When they were bounced from
Eden,
Adam lost his job as boss;
1t was then that he decided
He had swallowed apple sauce.
But his appetite was formed
For the taste of apple stewed;
While thereafter Eve refused to
Cook a fruit that was SO crude.
80 Adam tried to stew them,
But he didn't have the knack;
For the brew that he concocted
Proved to be old apple jack!
In this prohibition age
Apple Jack may be apple sauce;
Tho the bootleg kings may argue
They can't get that bunk across.
An apple a day may keep the
loetor away, but the apple sauce
will keep everybody away.
**&%**
MARRIAGE APPLE SAUCE
The other day the Doylestown In
.elligencer printed under the head
ng, MARRIAGE LICENSES the
sentence: Mrs. Emma S.
Palmer, of Hatboro, has been on the
sick list.
%**$#&
With the coming of cold weather
The bathing beauty apple sauce viii
evidently be discontinued from the
news pictures of the big city dailies.
****%*
However, it won't be long before
they migrate to Florida and Cali
fornia, and they will be pictured
wearing fewer clothes than ever be
fore.
#&**#*
Now that the old telephones in
Lambertville and New Hope have
been replaced with modern instru-
ments. the gossip mongers will have
to buy radios. They won't find it SO
easy to listen in on the party line
apple sauce they have fed ON SC
long.
&&s#a&
A glacier on Mt Shasta broke
loose recently and has almost mum
dated the surrounding valleys with
mud. Evidently Mt. Shasta has tax
en- its cue from the mud singing
apple sauce of the politicians who
are now running for office.
#&%s%%
Apple sauce, Apple sauce,
Come blow your horn;
The suckers are biting
AS sure as you're born!
####&#
LaFollette wins the rubber guano
'preader by the line of apple sauce
ne is now feeding to the voters.
Ienine and Trotsky fed the same
brand to the Russians. And the Rus
slams now testify that it made the
green grass grow, but they can't
i've on grass.
#%#&%&
The reason why the radicals, par
or bolshevists, socialists and poll
zeal grafters condemn Cal. Coo
idge for his silence is because he
Doesn't spread any apple sauce for
hem to haggle over.
*%**&&
The politician clears his throat
In solemn dignity,
AS tho the wisdom of his brain
Embraced infnity.
We hold our breath to hear his
words,
And this is all his~plea
I'm for the pee-pul all the time
II they will vote for mel"
#*#&*&
me LINE OF APPLE SAUCE
WE ALL FALL FOR
A recent sociological report sets
orth the claim that women are
reater liars than men, and that
women are also more convincing
nth their lies than men are.
Why shouldn't they be if they
ave more practice?
**&*%#
MORE OF THE SAME STUFF
But for pure unadulterated apple
aaee Mrs. G. C. McCurdy gets the
orrugated reducing corset. Her
ushanc. paleontologist of Peabody
luseum, took her with him while
loine research work in Europe
'hege he has excavated valuable
peeimens of prehistoric life.
When they returned the other
ay reporters met him at the docks,
nd during the interview Mrs. Me
'urdy horned in on the publicity
y saying that her observations Of
er husbands discoveries had con-