The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-01-12

i
Club. Consequently, when no re.
turned again 10 the fold his youth.
ful associates OF tho wholesale lum.
Dor and shipping world OF the Pacific
Coast hailed him right joyousiy. In.
deed, several members even went 40
fnr MS 20 inform the old gentleman
that they had missed him.
You bet you missed me-" cappy
rejoincd. For three weeks you
haven't had anybody you could poke
fun ut. Indeed. I'm willing 10 wager
one small 10 cent bag OF clgarct TO.
bacco that during my absence each
and every one OF you fellows didn't
care whether you iunchcd at the
BIlgewater Club or starved"
well, we must admit that you're
the life Of the party" said Ulysses
Grub. I'VE haven't had any report
on the way tho world is progressing
and why. since you've been gone.
Where have you bceng
I've been 70 New York and Wash.
lngton trying TO drill few practi.
cal truths about the American Mer.
camille Marine Into the heads OF the
Shipping Board. Between confer.
ences stepped out a bit. Went TO
dinner every night and got robbed
except In private houses. and there
they tried TO poison mo with hame.
made Gin. Went TO show nearly
every night. Sometimes I got rob.
bed at the show, aitho most general.
" tho ticket agency spared the the.
atricni bandits this annoyance. After
the show ia 60 back 10 my hotel
and get robbed some more. Gentle.
men, this world Is In bad way
when hotel managers have the cold.
biooded nerve 10 charge rs cents for
a quart OF charged water and get
away with H."
II Is. Cappy." Eaid ]. Augustus
Redeli. And I've noticed that tho
only people who yell murder when
they visit New York are the visiting
mlllionaires. do hope you nre still
cherishing the belief that you can
hang on 20 your money forever.
There are no pockets in shroud. F"
I'm not stingy and you know
! H." cappy shrllled. htune by this un.
feeling reproach. IAN | AJAX Ii a fair
run for my money. and I'm just ma.
turally unable 70 reprcss a scream
when see tho thieves getting away
In daylight"
Wei. youll have 70 admit they're
not bunglins bandits. cappy. They're
very polite and nice about IL. They
are nothing II not artistic
They're geniuses. Gus. that's
what they are. Personally. claim
can think OF more legitimate ways
OF soaring mp profit than most men
have ever met, but alas. / have
my limitations. I'm too modest. I'm
satisfied with a legitimate profit"
You lack courage. cappy. Once
you've mastered tho New Yorker q
way OF murmuring only a hundred
and slightly thousands dollars. you're
eligible for license TO do business
there
Wen. they have genius for sell.
ing things Gus, or passion for
buying. don't know which. Some.
times think Il Is the latter. For
1 Instance. you're nobody artisilcally
IN New York these days II you don (
buy yourself little Sample OF Rus.
alan art"
Painting. statuary or whatT'
ausried Eddie Smith. whose mind
Was quite filled with marine insur.
ance problems.
I Nothing 30 cheap a. that, Ed
die. cappy replied. II refer TO Rus.
sian singing, acting and dancing.
Some even fall 40 low a. 20 go in
for Russian literature. / bought 50
worth of Chaudve.son plus 90
cents war tax. and sat and suffered
among 1900 other American idiots"
Why. heard that was tho most
beautiful. the most artistic thing In
the country"
I You heard wrong" cappy as.
tursd them, unless you're one OF
The nii.wits who dassen't say boo
when tho long haired arbltors OF Art
are on the rampage. Me. I'm one OF
these low. Grass, single.minded duf.
fers who insists upon manufacturing
his own idaa OF Art and what con.
stitutes n. Morris Gest can't tell mo
where 10 head in on Art. Dog my
cats, hope ] have sufficient intel.
( ligence 20 know what l want when
want II. and ono OF tho things
care for. when l go 70 thoater. is
TO listen TO funny cracks couched
I IN my own mother tongue. How can
continue 10 be sane and laugh nj
ia Russian Joke, when / do not un.
derstand Russian and when 1 know,
from ono source and another, that
life Is no joke to Russian and that
his idea Of right joyous time is a
double funeral-man and wife. with
the massacre or wholesale suicide, Mt
I the grave. OF tho minor children and
all The relatives over 40l You ask
me whpt n Russians idea of humor
is and III tell you. ought TO know.
/ ! paid $3.50 seat TO find out"
I wen. I'll bite" said Ulysses
Grub. what is a Russians idea
OF humor7"
Cappy made n face" and then
ran his tongue out at Mr.. Grubb.
At the same timo no swung around
on ono foot. struck j. Augustus Re.
dell heavy blow on tho chest and
+ screeched: al. yni, hooka, hookumr'
I a roar OF laughter greeted his act.
"of course" Cappy admitted, I'D
DO n riot II only had some trick
clothes on and Halloween mask
for my aged oountonanoc. The late
Joseph and his coat OF many colors
must have been n Russian. No self.
I respecting son of Palestine would
consider such thing except to sell
/ II to some yokel visiting New York"
But surely you like their dane.
ing" somebody pleaded.
Wei, TN admit they dance alone
and seem to prefer It.. And they are