The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1924-11-20
Speak English?

! Professor Robert Donald, a literary
expert of England, has recently said
that better English is spoken III
America than in his own country. He
contrasts two addresses. one by dis
tinguished American educator, the
other by famous London preacher
The address Of the American seemed
to him perfect in language, style, pro-
nunciation and intonation. The Eng
| lish preacher, whose language and
style were good, minced, sliced and
mouthed his words. so that it was diff
cult to understand him.
A noted pulpit orator tried it and
scored twenty-five errors. Any one who
can read it with fewer than twenty
mistakes may consider himself ex-
| ceptional.
| Americans are warned, however, not
to be too much puffed up by the COM
pliment until quite sure that they
themselves can speak English correct
| ly. In order to test their ability to
speak the mother tongue Alright they
may read aloud the following. little
story, prepared expressly for the pur-
| pose by a New Yorker interested in
AaAS AdSCS anu ACb oOAAO CAPOAb AVVP
tally on the mistakes.
A CURIOUS COUPLE.
By C. H, R.
Under the azure crouched an indis-
putable Indian. His forehead was be-
dizened with heritage, and he wore a
scarlet belt about his abdomen.
Though his conduct was exemplary and
decorous, he lived in extraordinary
squalor.
Though, like patriot, familiar with
the tribal legends his parents had
taught him, he knew little beyond
legendary lore, and was ignorant of
our national literature, and of the
process O., telegraphy.
He knew nothing of caIligrahpy,
and very little about finance. He was
not an aspirant for Parliament, but
he hoped to exercise evil spirits from
the epoch by the advertisement of an
Indian sacrifice. When granted a
favor he sought the apotheosis of his
patron.
A piquant matron by his side was
his housewife, to whom he gave alter
nately a meagre maintenance and per-
emptory commands, for he consider
ed the position irrefragable, that, to
perfect woman she must be isolated
and made to obey On this point he
considered his arguments irrefutable.
He appeared to care little for hymen-
cal harmony. Her popularity was
bronchitis, which he hoped to cure
by launching tiny raspberry into the
interstices of her larynx. The two
made a squalid but interesting tableau.
The dramatic parsonage of this see
mario were named Elihu (alias Rain
in-the-face) and Minnehaha, his wife.
While she was no pianist, she was a
dutiful wife. He was glad to have
her as his coadjutor. Yet in her lone
ly life he would often harass her with
some sardonic inquiry or with viru-
lent threat to put her in goal. She
would then placate him by cooking
fried in olemargarine, hoping he
would not longer treat her as pariah.
This antique girl sat often by the
road, eating Italian almonds, and mus
ing over esoteric vagaries. Her tenn
per was as changeable as the hues of
a chameleon. An attitude of languor
indicated a need of coincidence, or of
allopathy, and her hair, worn in pyra-
midal style, made her the cynosure of
the tribe. Her tatterdemalianN hus-
band would lounge through the live
long day, and at nightfall begin an
address to her, with the grimaces and
gibberish of a ruffian. Thus:
ugh! Wake to your duty, and be
docile and notable squaw. Bring
my gondola, and let US relieve some
granary of its produce"
To which she, with grim raillery, re-
piled: "You blatant blackguard, /
won't. Your truculent commands are
not obligatory on me. 1t would ex-
haust my strength and enervate my
constitutiony neither have / dropped
to such a degree of decadence as to
be Communist"
Then he coaxed: EDO. dear, and I'll
give you a bouquet and brooch of
diamonds. You shall find it a jocund
and not a doloroas task. You are so
accIim ated that the right air will not
hurt you, and you gre conversant with
my temper when reused" But she
was implacable.
Brandishing ferrule, he then
shouted with yehemence: What
Shall / not have precedence and hon.