The Glenwood post., 1924-01-10

twenty long years. Twentieth year Of
the appearance Of Hon. Augustus
Tulkington and Mrs. Augustus Tulking-
ton in their disgustingly familiar parts
of Honorable Augustus Tulkington and
Mrs. Augustus Tulkington, what7 Its
not a wonder you want divorce; it's
u wonder you don't murder each
other"
Amelia Tithers was looking at me
thoughtfully.
"You can't grow new hair" she said,
"but you might wear wig occa-
sionally."
"what no. yesi" cried Tithers, Jump
ing from his chair excitedly. "When
he stages himself as the Conceited
Elderly Ass. whatf A toupee, whatf
And white spatsl And monocle7 No.
not q monocle. A monocle can't be
DONE"
But It was done. It was not a COM
plete success, It would not stick In my
eye. but l dangled It from a string and ,
learned to swing It around my fore
finger quite well. Exceedingly well,
may say.
Az anything seemed preferable to
divorce, Susan and I, after thorough
consideration Of the matter in COM
pany with George Tthers and his wife,
agreed to appoint George and Amelia
stage managers of our married life
and allowed them a liberal compen-
sation. After a long consultation
George and Amelia decided that 1t
would be best for George to be my per
sonal manager while Amelia managed
Susan. l agreed to everything in ad-
vance, but was surprised when
George presented me with sheet Of
paper at the top of which he had writ
ten "Cast Of Characters" On this
sheet were written six varieties Of hus-
bands, all men of my acquaintance,
and no two alike. At the head Of the
list was written "January-Self, pros
porous banker" And following this
was "February-H. P. Diggleton, club
man, heavy sport" and "March-Win-
ston Bopple. flirt. lady-chaser," and so
on down to "June-Carey s. Flick, con-
ceited elderly fusser. ETC." July was
again to be "Self. prosperous banker"
And so on for the second six months.
AS the month was now August l was
to be. not myself, but a person resem-
bling as nearly as possible H. P. Dig
gleton. For the month of August Su-
san was to have as her husband not
myself but to all intents and purposes,
some one equivalent to III. p. Diggle-
ton. George Tithers saw that l was
fully equipped with manners and
habits; when he could not be sure what
FL, P. Diggleton would do he Invented
something new for me to do instead.
admit that as the day approached
when l was to become practically
new and unknown husband to Susan ]
became keenly excited. This was not
because l was to be another man but
because l knew l was to have in Susan
an entirely new wife. had never
been so interested in anything in my
life. When the thirteen trunks, con-
tanning the thirteen complete sets OF
costumes Susan was to wear in her
thirteen impersonations came into the
house and were carried to the store
room l actually trembled with excite
ment as / saw them and noticed the
huge white numerals painted on theiI
sides. l say thirteen trunks because
Amelia TIthers had decided that
month by month, Susan should be thir
teen women. She felt that Susan, be
ing a woman, was equal to the task
and by letting Susan be a different
woman each month for thirteen monthi
while ran, SO to speak. in cycle o.
but six months. 1t would be many year.
before the same husband could have
the same wife. If, for example, Susar
should be Mary P. Miller in August tt
my H. P. Diggleton, there would b'
no danger that she would be Mary P
Miller to my II. p. Diggleton the mex
August, because if Mary p. Miller wal
wife No. 1, when August came agail
Susan would be wife No. 13. and TIL
| next August she would be wife No. II
Thus a continuous novelty was as
| sured.
On the glorious August morninl
when our experiment was to begin
opened my eyes and raised myself Of
my elbow to take last look-fo
twelve months-at the old Susal
| Tulkington. ShG was not there.
] leaped from bed, bathed and hurrie,
I into the clothes George Tithsrs ha,
supplied for my Diggleton impersona
tion and hastened down stAirA
"Your wifeT Amelia Tithers sal,
pleasantly. "Oh, you'll not see you
wife this month at ALL She il, thi
month. one Of the gaddy ladies VIII
fly from their husbands In tho sum
mer. Susan has gone to Newport
thence she goes to Alaska. You cal
expect her az the second Mrs. Tulking
ton on or about the first Of September
can assert that Susan and l di,
not quarrel that August. In fact,
never loved and longed for Susan q
truly as did toward the end Of tha
month. wasted. 30 to speak, my b
P. Dlggleton role on the desert air, bu
George Tithers kept me spurred to tn
role and am sure did well. I mad