The Washington times., 1924-01-21
The Alibi
Artists
A Skeleton Record of
Cases Tried By
Judge Schuldt
BY Donald Med DOug0L-

4LlO OeSAAAAs W @A~~S ~ ~~~~
against this MANI"
The clerk: Chronic speedometer
trouble"
The court: whats this, a Sec
ond offense speeding case?"
eyes, your honor. The infor'
nation alleges that he was con-
victed of forty.five miles an hour
last September.
This is a serious charge, and
the defendant Is entitled to a jury
trial. Ask him how he'll be tried,
Mr.. Clerk"
The clerk: "Will you be tried
by the judge, or by a jury?
Boob: EYES,"
"Well. which do you want?"
"Want? I don't want either"
you've got to have one or the
other"
"Oh, WE'LL guess I'll take a
chance on the judge, then"
The court: Have you counselT
Clean.
"Ain't got nothin'. Over at
Number One, they took away
ever thing had. down to my
last chaw'v eat'n' tobaccer."
The clerk: "You don't under
stand. Have you a lawyer"
Good night! Have I got to
have one o. them, too?"
The court: 1.-THE outcome Of this
second offense speeding case may
be Jail sentence, and you're
entitled to legal counsel. The
court will assign an attorney to
defend you, If you wish.
"Oh,. all right. I'm in fur 1t
anyhow"
Enter a lawyer, from the door
nearest the lunchroom; wearing a
pleasant smile and a vest whose
lowest employed button appears
to be struggling bravely against
The court: 'win you defend
this case, sir?"
Certainly, II the court please.
We plead not guilty. May l have
a few minutes to learn my
clients name and what he's
charged with?"
"The court will try a short
case while you are comforting
with your client"
Heads Together.
Lawyer: "Bzz-bzz-z?"
Boob: "Bzz-bz-bzzz!"
Lawyer: "Bz-bz-bz. We're
ready for trial, your honor.
The cop: About 9:45 this
morning, your honor"
LAWYER: "Bz-bz-bZ?'
Boob: "Sure."
Lawyer: 1--WE ask q continue
ton of this case, If the court
please. My client can produce
q very important witness II
you'll give him time to do So"
Every we'll Continue the case
until next Wednesday"
TOujOurs L'Audace.
Boob: "I wanna be tried
now, now-I wanna be tried now!
"The request for continuation
is withdrawn, If the court please.
My client insists upon being
tried now
proceed with the trial"
The COD: "I followed the de-
fendant down Seventh street over
o. N, and M streets at rs miles
an hour. He maintained that speed
over all the intersections. He
was convicted of speeding last
September in this court. A rec
ord OF the proceeding is filed
with the papers in this trial.
A COld.Hearted Steal.
LAWYER: Move to dismiss, II
the court please. My client Is
charged with second offense speed
ing. There cannot be a second
offense without a first offense.
and there is no competent evil
dence here that the defendant is
guilty Of a previous infractlou. The
best evidence Of such infraction
would be the testimony of the Of
ficer who is alleged to have made
the arrest"
Ffnnicly Cop.
The cop: "That officer was hit
by a five-ton truck last night, ana
he said he didn't feel we'll enough
to come here this morning"
Lawyer: IT submit that the
Governments case is closed, ard
the defendant cannot again be
put in jeopardy on this charge
The court: "The case Is dis
missed"
Boob: Jimmy crickets" Gle
walks dazedly back to the desk.)
The clerk: "Shoo him out of
there, Mr.. Bailiff."
The bailiff (heading boob to-
ward the exit: ION your way"
Boob: do 1 go free?'
The bailiff: "Yes, If you go
quick"
Boob: "Well, = - will -"
The court: "Next case"
Boob: e be dam"