The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-08-05
GOLF
WHAT Is Al PROFEssIONALY
AND OTHER TROUBLE
 By Barrie Payne

Suppose-if you've run short of something to worry about-suppose the golfists should follow the rigid preced- Cnt set by the tennists in defining a professional" A few years hence the rules might read:
 "A professional golfer is one who, after attaining the age'of 18 days, has
 "(a) Received any consideration either directly or indirectly, for play ing or teaching the game, or for play ing in a match or tournament. If you teach a girl to putt and she rewards you with kiss you lose your amateur standing. A kiss has monetary value ask any divorce lawyer-and receiving a kiss is the same as receiving money. "(b) Carried clubs, balls, flasks or other golfing equipment for hire i; driven an automobile, airplane, train, fire engine or tricycle. to or from. a golf course or hire; accepted money or the equivalent either directly or indirectly for rendering any service watsoever to q golfer, ex-golfer or would-be-golfer. 4sz
 "(cl Played for a money prize in any competition, or for the equivalent of money prize, or for marks or ,roubles, or for anything in the earth below, the sky above or the waters under the earth. This includes all forms of betting-for a bet is a money prize." Also you lose your anna teur standing when you play for lov- ing cup, for even the cup for the runner-up in the fifth flight has some monetary value.
 "(d) Any one whose health improves as the result of golfing shall be de- clared professional. Health is wealth. It has an actual cash value. Therefore when you increase your store of health you are receiving the equiva- lent of a money prize.
 "(e) It shall constitute a forfeiture of your amateur standing if you per init your name to be advertised for f pay as the author of books, pamphlets, comic strips or articles on golf of which you are not actually the author. If you are actually the author-dittO, or even ditto,er. (Think what a ghastly jest it will be to class certain golf writers as 'prOs,' considering the sort of game they play.)
 "(f) The yelling of Fore is strictly forbidden. The gang ahead might cons- true it to mean an offer of Four dollars if you get off the green this week The money idea makes the word i taboo. Those heard using it will lose i their amateur standing and anything l else they happen to have.
 "(g) Any golfer who receives a sal ary or remuneration, either cash or the equivalent, either directly or indirect l ly, from any firm dealing in goods relating to the playing of golf, shall forfeit his amateur standing and be ! subject to fine and imprisonment Goods relating to the playing of golf means practically everything. Under. wear is related to the playing of golf since most golfers wear it. Ditto col. lars, shirts, shoes, cuff links, watches corn plasters, red flannel ear huff and top hats-since a golfer might con ceivably wear any or all of these things. So if you work for a firn which sells any of these articles yol are golf professional.
 "(h) The sale of insurance, real es
 tate, stocks, liquor or what not in tn
 golf course, to guests whom you hay, dragged thither for that purpose, shal constitute a forfeiture of your amateur standing. What do you think tn, course is, anyhOw?-an office build ing? By the, immortal gods we intend to curb this pernicious practice oi using the courses for business purposes
 We, the members of this rules commit tee, are getting gol-blasted tired oi waiting behind a certain twosomt while the host stops to estimate fol his victim the rate, at age 42, on a 9O-year, endowment policy for $20, 1000.