The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1924-01-25
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
HOW COULD / KNOW ?

l merely stayed away.
How could / know that thru the
nights and days
She watched for me in vain,,
Until in death the morbid public
gaze
Should view her with disdain
&**s**
Bachelor Insurance" has been in.
troduced in London. And if the
bachelor gets married, then the pol
icy automatically becomes good foi
double it's original amount without
the premiums being increased.
*%s4*+
That ought to be an inducement
for lot of them to get married
Imaginary proposal of an insured
bachelor: "T'm not rich, honey, but
if you should shoot me you could
collect twice as much insurance.
A prohibition crank proposes to
shame the drinker by calling hin
"Scofflaw!"
1t reminds US of a fudge eater
wearing a red necktie who slaps
someone on the wrist, and says in 6
high falsetto voice, There! take
that!"
1t is reported that cigarmakers al
Red Lion, Pa, have discovered g
new way to beat the income tax
They simply quit work before they
earn enough on which to pay tax.
4#***+
That's a slick idea. About as slicl
as cutting out the eats in order to
reduce living expenses.
s*s*&*
A road member at Finmere, Eng.
land, is patting himself on the back
because his courtesy won him ar
automobile. When a car broke dowr
where he was working, the owner
gave him the car because he was SO
courteous in telling him the direc-
ton to the nearest railroad station
+ss+*&
But that road member needs pity
if the car proves no more valuable
than all other secondhand cars we've
heard of.
Mrs. Anne u. Stillman's Indian,
Fred Beauvais, has sued her for
1881 as compensation for testify
ing in her behalf that he was not
the father of her child when her hus-
band was suing for divorce.
Evidently Mrs. Stillman figured
that Beauvais could be left out in
the cold like cigar store Indians.
*ss%**
A Cincinnati man was reported
the other day as having pulled off
an elopement in which the tables
were turned on him and he found out
he had eloped with his own wife.
That's what we'd call "poetic
justice"
PLACING THE BLAME
A religious fanatic in Washington
the other day proclaimed that Auto
have been big factor in
bringing on immoral conditions
among the youth of the land
A few years ago it used to be
blamed on the horse and buggy.
But for genuine religious fanati-
cism a man up in Rhode Island
gets the iron-bound catechism. His
wife is suing him for divorce be-
cause he beat her up when she
wouldn't go to church.
****#*
AN AWFUL BLOW TO FORD'S
ARGUMENT
"Jews Flock to Farms in Russia"
reports a writer who has toured
that country. And accompanying
his article in the New York paper
were several photographs. One of
them pictured a group around a
Ford suburban car, and another
pictured Fordson tractor being
operated by the Jewish farmers.
Henry will now have to revise his
book which claims that the Jews
are parasites, that they never pro-
duce anything, much less in raising
food.
DIR. Peter Mcdonald, London phys
ician, claims that "stoop shoulders
cause old age" and that old age does
not bring on stoop shoulders as is
commonly believed"
%&#&s$
In other words, you don't have to
"Stoop to Conquer" old age. Buck
up, folks! There's pep in every
creak of your spine!
"THERE!" TAKE THAT"
Some people otherwise so honest
that they wouldn't even take post
age stamp from their employees
without paying for it, would beat
a publisher out of the price of sub
scription without a qualm of con-
science. Following is letter we
received from one subscriber who
was asked to pay up;
mo, | have not stopped to think
l owe you dollar and l am still
not worrying over it. Please make
sure after this before YOU send