davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
htlM;AaaONCE
NND OVER

Mr.. And Mrs. Amos Q. Pipp Discuss Their
Neighbors' Income Tax Returns.
n IRIS. PIPP: Get the paper, Amos, and
|lV let's finish looking over them tax
Amos: Where was we when we left off +?
Mrs. Pipp: We had got down as far as
the HIS. Look and see If Mister Hoop is
down. I'm crazy to know what he gets a
year.
Amos: Haas, Hanks, Hawkins, Hupp,
Hoop !. :. here he is. Hilary P. Hoop,
81, 665.45
Mrs Pipp: The big cheat! He must get
more than that or his wife couldn't dress the
way she does.
Amos Don't be stupid! That amt his
salary, that's the tax he pays on his in
come.
Mrs. Pipp: How do you figure what his
income is then? I'm just dying to get all the
facts.
Amos: You multiply the s2,e6545 by ten
no, by seven no think by ten.
How much is ten times $2,66545?
Mrs. Pipp: It's two million, sixty-five
thousand, four hundred and fifty dollars and
no cents.
Amos: your decimal points are wrong,
Ida. It's $26,6545O.
Mrs. Pipp: Ooh! How much is that
week?
Amos: Well, can't say offhand, but it
must be around $500. '--
Mrs. Pipp: Amt that orful!
Amos: What's orful?
Mrs. Pipp: A man like Mr.. Hoop getting
all that money. You'd never think to look at
him that he had brains enough to make it !!
| VTYI 1t
moved in next door last month?
Mrs. Pipp : Ippinheim. Jacob Ippenheim.
I wonder if he's on the list.
Amos: I'll bet he is sure. Look! Here
he is. Down for $76,00O43.
Mrs. Pipp: And his wife hasn't any maid,
either.
Amos: II saw him out in the yard the
other day washing his own car. And he has
holes in his socks, too! s.,y
Mrs. Pipp: See what Mr.. Garaneezi gets.
He's that foreign looking man that brought
the old Smithers' home this spring.
Amos: Garaneezi. Here it is-Garabaldi
Garaneezi-$46,99 9.50.
Mrs. Pipp: knew it! It's what all the
neighbors said.
Amos: What? * -
Mrs. Pipp: He's bootlegger!
| Amos: Let's see If old Twiss is on the
list The old miser! He must be worth a
coupla million. ~
Mrs. Pipp: There he is-second name
down-under the Us.
Amos: Zachias Twiss-$17S54! The
skinflint! Why that's dollar and ten cents
less than / pay!
Mrs. Pipp: They oughta arrest him!
Amos: He's holdin' out on the government,
that's all.
Mrs. Pipp: I've good mind to write a
letter to the president.
Mrs. Pipp: Isn't that Mister Elephants
name there at the top of the Els?
Amos: Yes, sir-Edgar Eggplant-and
he's down as paying $26,7S4 in income taxes
last year. The big stiff! Gimme my hat!
Mrs. Pipp: What's the matter?
Amos: The big bum owes me $50 for a
poker debt for over a year and the last time
I spoke of it he said he was short!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Watching The Parade
BY JOHN PILGRIM
T yHEN l was a small, lazy boy my
NJ my grandfather commandeered me

IW/HEN l was "a. small, lazy y.o boy my my
w one day. He had that conviction
which was common in those days that boys
were better off for being made to work.
He believed that a boy who was permitted
to be idle was bound straight for the devil.
Maybe he was right
"We'H weed the onions he said.
So we weeded the onions 1t was hot, the
weeds were powerful, and my small back be-
gan to ache. / tried to squat down in the
dirt to get nearer my task, but the old man
would not have it.
"Stand up" he ordered do not bend
your knees. Keep them close together. Bend
over and get weed and pull"
1t was mighty hard to bend over with
out flexing the knee and I said I could not
do it. That was always the way out when
dealt with my beloved mother. If said 1
could not do thing, then that was settled.
Some one else did it. Usually she did it her.
self But my grandfather barked at me:
Bend" he roared. Knees STILL"
And 1 did. The old gentleman liked the
sight of my agony so well that he kept me
at it. All through that summer he found or
invented tasks an essential element in which
was a stiff-kneed bend of one small rebellious
furiousy hating boy. 1t was only after we
got home at night that loved the old man.
Then he used to explain to me why one should
always bend stiff-kneed, and a lot of other
things l did not know. He insisted that his
orders be obeyed. But after they had been
obeyed, he explained why they had been is
sued.
| "No-No," beloved the trick man in the
gym this morning. Your knees together
and stiff NOW BEND"
And I'm paying him a hideous sum each
month for making me do what grandfather
let me do for nothing. Not to speak of the
| weeds
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
4 Japanese Garden

A pool that holds as prisoner the moon,
Close guarded by a gnarled and stunted
tree,
And midst the lotus leaves bronze buffoon
Who, dancing in abandoned glee,
Filings to the paling moon n lustrous pearl,
Which she ignores and spurns him for a
churl.
Above the twisted tree the dawn appears
And bids the water prisoned one go free,
And she, in flight, beholds the zany's tears,
And, touched with his idolatry,
Gives to the pool each night golden glance
For him who poses in eternal dance.
--Whitelaw Saunders in Brief Stories
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
The Reporter
lHE history of secrecy makes long, black
smudge down the page of time.
BY DIR. FRANK CRANE


smudge doWn the page Oh uime.
an. No.hhs Is trael enan ..e Say. al. I ;;
wt.Aeu Nv u%t h-:u. 10 ~ ,,c+
nsna,lv susnect
:. $1,000. - ,.o.hou.
we assume ~ ~ na' 'e.:-e..s ~ o,'J
,oolpaos' SNEAK tnieseS' Hu.iny ,u eee, "e
hoihe-oreaAers. ~ uoes. =. a'so -
ever, TO any otner group u peopie VIM "oiA
IN tne snade'
Lou can SET II DOWN IN your DOCKS tnat any
business ior winch tne claih ~ niaue .ue. =
Is Detter 70 trahsac. u.uer cover, Ina !. 49,. -
uhw.se " nave ~ Ln'ee'is"'ee' az. '."s ~
puDic mas no llsnt " nhsuuie an ~, 70 ..ooA s
VI course, ! 10 hot lhciuue lne aila,s "
purely personal mature, put onlS Suen nN'
ters as nave W uo Win 'ne pupiic'
The whole history of government, before the
day of newspapers, is record of tyranny and
unjust privilege. So long as the common herd
was ruled by a select few, who presumed to
do better by the people than the people could
do for themselves, the result invariably was
luxury and fine feathers for the elect and
starvation and rags for the many
Vested rights thrive in darkness II is onlv
in the LIGHT of nnhlicitv that Human Rights
grow
~, ~, W, :. c,,.
the sgory OIL tne oiu uof1u, u on a.
a. "apan' ns1R., tN "N
tne story OF secrecy ana Outrage.
The story of Liberty and the New World Is
the story ofsthe uncensored press.
Whenever you find secret councils of kings,
diplomats whispering behind their hands,
senators gum-shoeing around, and trust mag
mates mumbling in a back room, you may be
sure that the public is about to be looted.
The petty criminal is afraid of the police
man. The big criminal is afraid of the re-
porter.
Tho man who cracks the belated citizen
ovor tbo hood With q lead nine fears the law
The man Who sandhays tbe whole communitv
and steols twantv million dollars bv man;nn.
ia+;ns r.;I,rov svstoro ~. Tho nack;nc ;ndn.-
trv docs not fesr. the law. He hires fbe law
Tho thing be fears is the light nubIic oninion
and The man who works fine spotlight is the
newsnaner renorter.
Natursllv nubIicitv Is often overdone
Nswsnaners now and then descend TO the Level
of vic;ons gossins. Int not often enough TO off
SGT tbe immense advantage of their omen nj
terances
Thero ravAr was q hr;ba-takino iudoa
ousted from the bench n corrupt nol;tician
ro+;rod 20 r-;vota life n Covernor or rnovor
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
ruE TRUE PROGRESSIVE

From my point Of view he only deserves
IN he called a progressive who cannot see
q wrong persist without an effort TO reare ..
n or a right denied without an et1ore 10
protect it: who feels deep concern lof ZIG
p.onorn,c velfare of the United States but
realizes that the making Of better men ana
women is a matter greater still; who thinks
Of every governmental policy first OF ali IN
its bearing upon human rights rather thah
upon material things; VINO peneves pro
,nundlv in human equality and detests priv
ilege in whatever form or in whatever dis
ruise, and who finds the true test OF success
In the welfare of the many and not the pros
perity and comfort of the few. The CIVIC
unit of America is not the dollar, but the
Individual man. All that goes to make bet
ter and happier and freer men and women
is progress; all else is reaction.-John w.
Davis.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Forum, OF The People
The Crossword Epidemic

To the Editor Of The Age-Herald:
For Heavens sake, strange the crossword
puzzle man!
The husband won't fix the car, clean the
chicken house, take out ashes, or bring in
coal. The children won't study their lessons,
sweep floor, make bed, or wash the
dishes.
I've done everything until now am sick
in bed and have to ask five times for glass
of water, while the family pores over the
crossword puzzle.
Don't you know that the housewife, whose
brain needs quickening or diverting, has no
time for such things; while men and children
only use it as an excuse to keep from doing
the necessary things! -.
There is no need to sign my real name,
for I am sure it could be LEGION.
Birmingham, Ala, Nov. 1, 1924.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
No Poet, Gertrude.

No Poet, Gortfude.
cannot sing your charms,
Gertrude fair,
Nor chant the glory of your arms
So rare,
I can't describe your eyes of blue,
Descant on Heaven peeping through,
Although these lures are all, It's true,
Beyond compare.
Though modelled in Venus mold
/ cannot spout it,
Which my strong arms would fain enfold,
Who'd doubt IT'D .
But, lady mine, I'll tell you this, :.
I'd rather place an ardent kiss -'
Upon those lips of honeyed bliss
Than write a poem about it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Brief Nature Studies
BY J. OTIS SWIFT

xVyHEN George AfcMullin, early editorial
w office boy on the twelfth floor of the
Pulitzer Building, Park Row, New
York City, turned the electric lights the
other morning and surveyed The Uttered desks
of editors and reporters, still IN disorder from
was flutter along the white ceiling and II
beautiful catbird, timid, frightened, but main
tanning the nonchalance of lady, settled on
the city editors desk. George thought it a
gray pigeon, but the scholarly librarian, Fred
erick c. Foster, born and cultivated nature
lover. identified it. Responding to his gem
tie approach it allowed itself to be caught
and conducted to a window.
Nigh above the rumbling traffic of the
busy street it scared on the wings of the
morning, fgot its direction, and sped south
over Broadway. around the Woolworth build
ing, for its winter from the Gulf States south
ward (
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

Bookkeeper's lunch--the bite OF an adder
People never use Drooms when they make
sweeping assertions
If YOU would dwell in the memory of your
friends borrow money of them.
Its easier to get man to tell you now
a thing should be done than it s>tO do it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

The time is growing short in which to com
plete the swing of votes to the Democratic
ticket. What is done must be done at
once. Those who expect to contribute
to the campaign fund should do so now II
they want their money to do the utmost good.
A dollar counts more in this campaign than
it has in previous campaigns, Tor 1t mas TO
offset fewer privilege dollars on the otner
side.
Contribute to the Democratic effort and to
the success of John w. Davis.
Party loyalty has thus an additional man
ner in which it may serve the party.
If many will give moderately, the total will
be sufficient.
But in this community many are not Civ
ing even moderately.
Is the. cause not worthy ones
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Politicians Steal The Credit-The Nash
vile Banner arises to remark: "There may
be politics in religion, but it's hard to dis
cover much religion in politics" That's all
very true. Whenever the Lord in his mercy
blesses the farmers with abundance, the poll
ticians come along and try to take the credit
to Observation-Disclosures Progress.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
! : IA 81 Fun
zM ~ IN SHOP
y A8AH MASON HQNzlaLL JLzo[ZL
No Job For A Timid Gal.
M XS0M H0XHA[L LLL1EZl

A woman of the Carrie Nation type ac-
costed an artists model, saying: "If l were
you I'd be ashamed"
That's just why you amt me-" retorted
the model.
&C. L. Edison.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Chairman Butler claims $50 electoral
votes for Coolidge. But claiming and re-
ceiving are different things.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
TIE ALABAMA


u Building ConstantltIn Tuscaloosa.--Mor
and more is the building industry, changing in
Tuscaloosa from a seasonal to an all-year.
round occupation. News.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

The proposition that the state of Ala
bama undertake the operation of Muscle
Shoals was not made by Mr.. LaFollette.
But there are other reasons for reject
ing it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

II the choice were LETT to me- whetnel 70
have a free press a free government "ouio
choose a free press-Thomas Jefferson
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

America did not elect McAdoo, but
Cuba elected Machado.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

perience; his affability; his evident ca
pacity to undertake the responsibilities to
which he aspires, and his honest declara-
ton that the laws are adequate and the
principles of our government substantial.
He understands what he is talking about
and he is the man who has revealed him
self as best qualified to operate the ma
chinery of our public affairs, to execute
our laws, and to lead US Alright in the diff
ficult paths of domestic and foreign con-
Germs. 1t appears to be public duty
for the American people to elect this
distinguished man to the presidency.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

0mniScience.
She rushed into the butcher-shop,
And without hesitating
She ordered liver and was served,
Though other folks were waiting.
Then she became acutely ill
And sent for Dr. Border, ,s.-
Who shook her head and said she'd got
Her liver out of order.
Donald Frazer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

For the second time in history, Niles
Ohio, comes into national prominence.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Cotton Goes Over The Top.-Old King
Cotton is going right on over the top. With
in week the crop in Madison county in
creased in value more than a cool million
dollars based on the estimate of 3O.0O0-bale
crop. Here's hoping there'll be no back-slid-
ing and that the price of the fleecy staple and
also the crop will hold up,-Huntsville Times.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

The Alabama river level is so low in
spots as to halt even barge traffic. The
states growing commerce demands that
Athe river be made navigable at all times.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Campaign Fund

The Age-Herald is receiving contributions
for the Democratic presidential campaign
fund from its readers. The fund stood yes
tarday nc follauuo.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Wheeler says he is certain of the Far
West vote. Probably means the Ha-
waiian vote. That's out where the East
begins.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
THE COST OF WIVES

Wives are purchased on credit in Africa
but the Africans have nothing on us. We
never stop paying for 'em!-Washington
Every Evening.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

A London woman, who has lived with
her husband for fifty-four years, has at
last found him out, and refuses to live
with him any more on account of his
drunken habits. Thus is another ro-
nance blighted.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
The Wind Up.

Asylum Visitor THE patient in the
padded cell has a most remarkable vOcabu-
larry. Most of the words he uses are marked
rare or obsolete in the dictionaries"
Dctor: poor fellow, he got that way try
ing to solve crossword puzzles"
Henry Grimmer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Ann: "Why do Bedtime Tales make one
so sleepy?'
Alyce: Because they come through the
ether" Mrs. Maurice Williamson.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
THE ACE-HERALD
FREDERICK 1. THOMPSON ~. PRESIDENT

Entered at Birmingham, Ala, post office as sec
ond -class matter, act of Congress, March 8. 1879
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Flappers And Philosophers.

Flappers And Philosophers.
Two girls of high school age sat in front
of me on the street car. / gathered from the
conversation that one of them had been on
a visit with a cousin who lived in a little
country town.
what do you think of the country?' one
of the girls asked the other.
cts awful dumb" the other. replied.
"Wby out there they play postoffice in order
to get to kiss each other!"
Claire Burke.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Telephone tprivate branch exchange c0hhe'''
inr all departments). Main 1900
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

rxc1I,s1yr MEMBER OF NORTH AMER1-
CAN NEWSPAPER ALLIANCE IN ALABAMA
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

A Sheriff Praised.-In its final report sub.
mitted to Judge Leigh at the conclusion of
its Iabors, the grand jury paid a deserved
compliment to Sheriff ]. L.. -Bowden and his
deputies for notable activity and efficiency in
the enforcement of law, During his incum-
bency Mr. Bowden has been inremitting in his
efforts to break up the practice of illicit dis
tilling, bootlegging as we'll as other offenses,
and all luwabiding citizens should manifest
their approval by hearty cooperation, as sug-
gested by the grand jury.-Monroe Journal.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Ear. Ear Kathleen!
Little Kathleen was discovered, one day,
holding her head on one side, and pouring
water from a bottle on it.
"Why are you doing that?" asked her
mother. g.
"Oh, mpouring water in my ear,
"Oh, 1 am pouring water in my ear
other ear"
Mrs Edward P, Orrell, Jr.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

NEWS Observation-Disclosures. 500 Davidson
building; State Capital, Montgomery Journal
Building; Tennessee Valley, Decatur Oaiiy
Building; Tuscaloosa, News Building; Jasper.
Mountain Eagle Building Admission, Star Build
ing: Gadsden, Journal Building: Muscle Shoals
Tri-Cites Daily Building.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES-By mail, payable In
advance in United States and Canada; DaliS
and Sunday, one year, $500; six months $4'oo
three months $2.25; one month. s5c. Daily ohly
One year. $3.50: six months. $3.50; three
months. SITS; one month. Use. Sunday only
One year, $3.50; six months $3.50; three ihon'"''
15c; one month. use.
BY carrier, where carrier delivery Is main
tanned, zoe per week, s5c per month.
MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PREsS-The AS
Isolated Press is exclusively entitled to the use
for publication of all news dispatches credited 10
~ or not otherwise credited in this paper ana
Also local news published therein. All rights
AZ republication of special dispatches are also
reserved.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
A Big Difference.

Big Difference.
Benson: Women are just like babies
they want everything they see!"
Dennis Eyes; the only difference being
that they usually get what they want"
George Grey.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
Early Training.

A1dIIy ATdIHIISs
Judge: Il understand you're the slickest
second-story worker in the country. What
started you on your career of crime?"
Prisoner: Trying to get in the house
after midnight without waking my WIFE"
Philip Troutman.
Movie of a boy smoking; Reel after reel.
Copyright. 1924 Reproduction Forbiddsnl
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Significant OF Wealness.-Justice Siddons'
ruling that it was wrong to permit stenog-
rapher to be in the grand jury room when the
oil leases were investigated doesn't appear to
help Albert B. Fall any, for the judge said
further that the error was not of sufficient
Importance to cause the proceedings against
Fall to stop. Falls resorting to such techni-
cality is significant of the weakness of his
position Mobile Register. ~
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Admission Industrially Active.-Anniston is
especially well off in the matter of Industrial
activity. While pipe shops and iron-working
industries generally are working on reduced
schedules, it is stated that no labor has been
laid off and all are given an opportunity to
put in at least part time each week. This is
much better than having industries close down
completely even for a short time, for COM
plete shutdowns always create confusion and
cause many workers to seek other fields
Admission Star.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

Henry Ford Disgusted.-The Republicans
in the North who have no interest in the
South have finally disguised Henry Ford
over the Muscle Shoals offer, yet if this prop
erty had been in the North, Ford would have
been answered in few weeks after the offer
was made. We would like to see some pri-a
vat company secure the property and put it to
work upbuilding( the Southland.-DeKalb
County Herald.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

His Idea OF Dancing.
Nell: did Jack notice you at the danceH
Belle: did he notice me He walked all
over me-
Mrs. Frank Calder.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03

tcoDyrlrht. i0a4 RsDroduetion TOrOlddsn.l
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-11-03
The Right Word
WHAT NEXT!
by ". CURTIS NICHOLSON

Find the Error in This Article.)
IS if the English language was not riddled
The Filer record. (Filer, Idaho) 1919-1930, 1924-05-22
World Can Never Forget
Hardships of Civil War

Lincoln said In his Gettysburg adj
dress that '.thc world viii little note
nor long remember what we say here.
but Il can never forget what they did
here The world has not foryctter
What the heroes % the battle Of Get
sySburx dld ~ what Abraham Lincoln
said in praise Of their valor and sacrt
dee. The world and the nation bow
In homage again 70 those who sur,
vived Gettysburg and the other battle
fields % the Civil war: to those who
have survived throughout the years.