The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-14
Listening In On Foe

tice to the effect that his bank account was Overdrawn. Don't we have to send a present."
 ''Of course we must be represented among the presentsw declared the lady with the invitation, a faraway gleam in her eye. I just wonder how much the NOrthwacks will spend on theirs 1! She'll find bargain somewhere that is clipped where it doesn't show for long time, or she'll get piece of marked silver soil cheap and have the initial changed; don't I know what woman ]"
 "Say!" objected the worried husband ''I don't hear you say a word about the wedding itself and what shall you wear and all that! What has Nettie Northwhack got to do with the mar riage of this charming young girl and this elegant young man, who has been such d catch that the welkin had rung with his name? Whenever I have wanted to talk about the deplorable sit- uati0n in China or the three-mile limit the past few months have been pre- vented because everybody was chatter ing about Hemlock Roustabout! He has so many friends that no doubt he would be tickled to death to have few wedding presents eliminated and think it would be a kindness to refrain from sending anything!
 There is scarcely a sadder sight than hitherto happy young couple at home at last in their own abode finding themselves utterly surrounded by 685 white boxes stuffed with shredded tissue paper and excelsior with presents hid den in the centers! By the time they have excavated the tissue paper and excelsior the stuff is fluffed up to the ceiling and for months afterward they continue to remove silvers of it at the most inopportune moments from their guests velvet gowns and swallOwtan clothes and the crevices of the uphol- stery! I'll bet they could find scraps of it on their silver wedding anniversary if they looked hard enough!
 'aThey generally have their first quar- rel deciding which is the most impossi- ble gift. Great-Uncle Joseph's hideous standard lamp for which there is posi- lively no place or Cousin EdiSh's frip- pery silk lamp shade full of ruffles and roses and ribbons, although the brides taste runs toward Adam severity and straight lines. How much fonder they would have been of their relatives had they omitted their gifts or sent cheeks
 @1I have not the slightest doubt that nine-tenths of the ill-temper of hus- bands is due to having to eat dinner S65 nights of the year from set of blue and green plates when they hap pen to hate blue and green! And brides grow hysterical and threaten to 20 home to mother when all on earth that is the trouble is that the parloE rug gets on their nerves because it IS figured and they preferred plain! The more I think of it the more convinced become that the generous guests are responsible for most of the divOrce-court excitement that prevails, and l feel that the kindest thing we can do in this ease is to refrain from
 ''I shall go down and get our pres ent for Utopia Parslee this morning, remarked his wife, quite as though he had not said a word. Because other wise Nettie Nothwack will suggest that we 20 together just so she can find out how much I spend and buy some thing little better herself! IA fool herw
 "Oh, well!" sighed the worried hus band, reaching for his checkbOok, "l can pawn something I suppose! Some how I feel this trouble is all due to Nettie Nothwack, only I can't figure il out !''