davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1924-12-14

Old Mr.. LonEfellow was taking the
voyage to restore his shattered
nerves. From the first the captain
disliked Henry. He was utterly un-
used to tho sea and was nervous and
fidgety in the extreme. He COM
planned that at sea his genius had
not a SUFFICIENT degree OF latitude.
On the evening of the storm there
had been a little Jar between Long
fellow and the captain at dinner. The
captain had emptied 1t several times
and was consequently in a reckless,
Quarrelsome humor.
II confess I feel somewhat appre-
hensive," said old Mr.. Longfellow
nervously. "of the state of the
weather. have had some CONVERSE
tion about It with an old gentleman
on deck who professed to have sailed
the Spanish main. He says you ought
to put into yonder port
'I have" hiccoughed the skipper.
eyeing the bottle. and added with q
brutal laugh that "he could weather
the roughest gale that ever wind did
blow"
Draining a final glass of grog. he
rose from his chair, said grace and
staggered on deck.
All the time the wind blew colder
and louder.
The pillows frothed like yeast-a
yeast wind.
The evening wore on.
Old Henry shuffied about the cabin
in nervous misery.
The skipper's daughter sat quietly
at the table selecting hard places
from the crossword puzzles to amuse
Evening star., 1924-12-14

formation" require one man in cor
ner.
Eugene v. Debs. or some profess
sfonal aggitation," negotiate Hon.
Vest turning blue.
Well, he should be arrested again
as a Conscientious Objection" holla
Hon. Oil Magnet.
Are we living in Russia?"
Unfortunately not" report Hon.
Vest "In Russia IL are pussibe to
purchase vodka "a delicious home
made alcohol containing potatus & q
Ettle woody for less than Congress-
man John Fullup Hill can nanufac-
ture 1T for in his own backyard. No.
We are in tho slackels and chains Of
slavery. Last week my wife pur-
chased simple evening dressing
gown for 1885 which are indeedly
heavy strain on my incum OF 1ss (see
newspapers). Yestdy / felt so poor
that l exchanged my 1924 Roylls-
Boyce for a new one. How shall
keep this up under present condi-
tions?"
"Perhapsly you could reduce axcess
profits by starting a luxury tax"
snuggest Hon. Friend.
What luxuries would you tax, If
any?" negotiate Hon. Vest
Bread & butter would be good one
to commence with" report Hon.
Friend. There are q tax which we
Evening star., 1924-12-14

soc more than my 1924 incum tax
(see newspapers)."
Then you must have squandled
nearly 1S$ at this wickid game mar
rate shortly oil magnet. ITO mora
we must pay last installment on this
annoying tax. Goshes! / must pay
so muchly that I nearly wish I did
not vote for Coolidge"
How muchly will those robbers re-
move away from you?" A Janus
stock breaker with National Guard
musstash ask that
"s0$." report Oil Magnet with bald
hair.
"Owell," negotiate gentleman with
vest. After all s0$ are not so many.
My wife pay more than that to buy
ottomobile mittens for her puddle
dog"
1T are not 50 muchly the eos at
which I worry" dictate Hon Vest.
Because of spying habits Of that
Treas. Dep. I are obliged to umploy
Zee the Office force I did in days OF
yore. My Defalcation & Book Losing
Dept. cost me 110oo0$ alone. In ad-
ditional to that I must keep a Leggal
Dept"
Sc A ND yet they call this q free
"A country" narrate Hon. Vest
with saddish 81.
Who give you that happy misin-
Evening star., 1924-12-14

would scarcely feel. II ever. II such
tax would become fashionable I could
discharge all my lawyers and hire a
few more doctors"
II know a place" Hon. Friend
say this while all others suddenly
brought their brains together In
whispers.
Because I think they must be talk
ing bootleg I twist my ears around
rapidly But I And otherwise. This
gentleman merely knew a place where
an honest worker. making over one
% million a yr could arrange 1t so
that Govt. would owe him csc in 1924
report This Legal Genius could ar
range figures SO that Jewelry given TO
the theatrical profession Cfemale)
could be charged to improvement of
Evening star., 1924-12-14
Stephen Leacock Leads the Way
Down to Brass Tacks in Lyric Art
Mr. Longfelow Is Chief Actor in Touching Dramatic Scene

the ships bosun, who was suffering
from toothache.
At about 10 LongfelIow went to
his bunk, requesting the girl to re-
main up in the cabin.
EOR half an hour all was quiet.
save the roaring of the Winter
wind.
Then the girl heard the old gentle
man start up in bed.
What's that bell, what's that
bell?" he gasped.
minute later he emerged from his
cabin wearing a cork jacket and
trousers over his pajamas.
Sissy" he said, "go up and ask
your pop who rang that bell"
The obedient child returned
Please, Mr.. Longfellow." she said,
pa says there weren't no bell.''
The old man sank into a chair and
remained with his head buried in his
hands.
Say" he exclaimed presently,
some ones firing guns and there's a
glimmering light somewhere. You'd
better go upstairs again"
Again the child returned.
THE crew are guessing at puzzle.
and occasionally they get glimmer-
ing of it,
Meantime the fury of the storm in
creased.
The skipper had the matches bat
tened down.
Presently Longfellow put his head
out of a portfolio and called out,
Look here, you may not care, but
the cruel rocks are gorging the sides
of this boat like the horns of an
angry bull"
The brutal skipper heaved the log
at him. A knot in 1t struck a plank
and 1t glanced off.
the poet raised one Of the matches by
picking out the cotton batting and
made his way on deck. He crawled
to the wheel house.
The skipper stood dashed to the
helm all stiff and stark. He bowed
stiffiy to the poet The lantern
CLEANED through the cleaning snow
on his fixed and CLASSY eyes. The
man was hopelessly intoxicated
All the crew had disappeared.
When the missile thrown by the cap
they glanced after 1t and were lost.
At this moment the final crash
came.
Something hit something. There
was an awful click followed by a
peculiar grating sound, and in less
time than 1t takes to write II Gun
fortunately, the whole wreck was
over
AS the vessel sank. Longfellow's
senses left him. When he reopened
his eyes he was in his own bed at
home, and the editor of his favorite
magazine was bending over him.
You have made a first-rate poem
of it. Mr.. Longfellow," he was say
ing, unbending somewhat as he spoke,
"and 1 am very happy to give you our
check for a dollar and a quarter
for it."
Your kindness checks my utter
ance." murmured Henry feebly. very
feebly.
copyright io24-)
Evening star., 1924-12-14
PE % 'z HS s f2a9sgs sseaA

slams are in Manchuria- and chiefly
in the northern part Of that region.
They are sprinkied along the line Of the
Chinese Eastern Railway. the conces-
sion for which was granted to the Gear
The number of Russians living in
Harbin gives 1t the largest white pop
ulation Of any city in Asia. There are
also Russians in the tea trade at Han
kow. Hankow is the chief center of the
tea business, and Russia has long been
the largest single buyer OF low-grade
China tea, put I'D in the form Of little
bricks.
In other trips to China have visited
the factories where the tea leaves are
ground to powder by sweating coolies.
and then pressed into little cakes or
bricks. Since the Bolshevik revolution
there have been many Russian refugees
in China and there are still some 1000
Of them living in Shanghai. They are
a great problem, for they have almost
no property or means of subsistence
and frequent lotteries and other char
ity affairs are held for their benefit
Until the world war the Germans were
esp acialiy active in China, where their
interests centered largely in the port Of
Tsingtao. on the Shantung Peninsula,
which they held under lease. They went
further than most other foreigners In
China in learning the Chinese language
and establishing direct trade relations
with the Chinese people. BY thus cut
ting out the usual middle men employed
by foreigners doing business in China
they were able to buy native products
cheaper and sell their own goods to
better advantage. They succeeded to .
considerable extent In making tho
Chinese give up their natural Vegetable
dyes and buy in large quantities the
artificial indigo and other colors pro-
duced in Germany.
1t was also the Germans who started
the hair-net industry in ShantunS.
In the world war Japan drove them
out Of Tsingtao, taking over all their
properties there, while China, when she
entered the war on the side OF the allies.
picked up everything German outside OF
Shantung. The Germans. however, have
to some extent re-established their
trade with China and there are more
than 1000 Of them In the country
today.
The French have aiways! taken .
Evening star., 1924-12-14
Togo Gets Valuable Information
While Trying to Earn Modest Fee
Income Tax Secrets Are Disclosed Party Engages
To Editor The Sta

To Editor The Star.
~ EAREST SIR:-Hon. c. w.
Qunckmire, who married my
owner. approach up to my
- Kitchin yestdy pm. and re-
Quire with candidate voice:
Togo" he say so, how you would
like to make a pretty 1c by doing
merely nothing hardly?"
IL you mention bootleggery," l
pronounce peevly, II cannot eford to
do. Cash-money cannot be made
from this. Too much competition"
What require you do are less diff
ficulty than that" he narrate. But
YOU can manufacture an easy los II
you will be there with a Froxedo coat
drinkers at Annual Smoke Meeting OF
the Too Poor to Pay Association"
III too poor to pay dib, where
shall I amass that 1o& you speak?"
oh" he snugger. Those gentle
men are enabled to deliver enlarged
tips & every kind of etc. Only thing
they are too poor to pay are taxes"
Although 1 quite couldn't absorb
the words he said II, that job appear
quite rich & dishonest to me, so ]
bora Froxedo coat from Cousin Nogi.
price SOC. & clean it. and thusly ar
Hanged like pretty hanson bride, by
Eolly, | go to a very swollen house
or mansion on Midas Ave where
were allowed to come in like gro
ceries by back door.
That evening, Mr.. Editor, I observe
numberous Japanese schoolboys SIM
liar to me awaiting on high up minds
OF white gentlemen Of enlarged brain
resembling balloon. I knew they had
came there to think puffoundly, be-
cause all were playing polka game
with chip. Gentlemen with very out
standing stummacks and mobile ex-,
preston set in circles by table and
act very corporation law while re-
porting, Hank, ! see you for sos
What You got?' require Hon.
Hank, taking or 5 more aces out
of pocket.
please to not ask me what I got
so loudish!' dictate Hon. Bill. Have
YOU not seen my name published in
1ncum Tax List?'
And so onwards. Those great
brains require considerable highball
to keep them powerful. and each time
they look upward and require, Togo,
more ice," that are radio for me bring
another bottel In meanwhiles they
say polka are too slow card-game
for to lose enough money that night.
SO one gentleman fetch forth a
leather teacup full of square marbles
what he Jingle together while throw
ing away on table and holla, Here's
some mud in your eye!'
X
On then. Out Of every pocket en-
~ erge siff1cient paper of green &
yeila cumplexion to stop cross words
from getting puzzled. On that table.
Mr.. Editor. I swear to you (without
cursing) that there was more IS than
Hon. Andrew Melons could see with
out talking to ConRreSs Then all
those Too Poor to Payers commence
talking language while square mar
bles roll.
20 U II, come order pancakes"
Bring home q Hamburger to your
sick wife,"
Evening star., 1924-12-14

Foreigners residing in China can
not live as the Chinese do, and il is
an unwritten law of the country that
the foreigner must pay much more
than the Chinese for both goods and
service. Foreigners must live at the
good hotels, the rates of which are
higher than one would expect in a
country where labor lives on wages
of 10 to 25 cents a day. For myself
and my secretary I am now paying
about SIS day for two rooms and
our meals. Simir.r rates or higher
prevail at the hotels in all the chief
treaty ports, many of which are part
of a chain of such establishments
owned by q. British company. Ser
wants can be hired for 81 to $40 a
month, but each one is SO particular
about what he will or will not do
that the foreigner with a home and
an Office has to employ a small army
of help to take care of all his needs.
There is now growing up in China a
group of young Americans training
themselves to become experts in Chi
nese trade. Some of our larger cor
porations doing business here give
their employees opportunity to learn
the Chinese language. The Ameri-
can Chamber of Commerce at Shang-
hal has been conducting night classes
for young men interested in learning
Chinese. At Peking the United States
Government maintains a school in
which young men are trained for po-
sitions as student interpreters in our
national foreign service. The gov
ernment has hard time keeping
graduates of this school because OF
the higher salaries frequently offered
them by business firms who want to
get the advantage of their special
training and knowledge of the
Chinese.
The missionaries. who, as a class,
know the language and the customs
of the people better than any other
group of foreigners In China, are also
often helpful to our business men.
They enjoy, as a rule, the confidence
Of the people. understand their ways,
and can frequently give valuable in
formation to our commercial agents.
Copyright 1924 Carpenters World Travels)
Evening star., 1924-12-14

prominent part in the international af-
fairs Of China, but have never developed
large business interests here. They now
rank fourth in the foreign trade Of
China, and have between 5000 and
1000 Of their people here, mostly in
Shanghai. where the French settle
ment is separate from that Of the
other foreigners.
The French have participated in rail-
road and other loans to China and have
a part in the equipment and manage
ment of some Of the lines. French
Catholic missionaries have been work
ing In China for many years, while the
Jesuits have established observatories
at Shanghai and elsewhere In the coun-
try and have made many valuable
studies Of meteorology in China The
French have a bank at Shanghai.
through which they handle most Of their
business.
There are very few Dutch in China.
though Holland ranks ffth among the
nations in the foreign trade with this
country. With their possessions in the
East Indies. the Dutch have long been
an important factor in China's overseas
trade. Just now the only railroad under
construction IN China is being built by
a Dutch Belgian syndicate. This Is the
Lung hal line north Of the Yangtze river
and running parallel to 1t.
y 4 \
60 Tar as western nations are con-
- cerned the real leadership OF for
eignsrs In China rests with the
British. They have been here longer
and have had the largest share OF
China's foreign trade most Of the
time. In fact, the British set tho
style Of living for foreigners in most
of the treaty ports, and are the pre-
dominant influence in the foreign
settlements. Ever since the organ
ization Of the Chinese maritime Gus
toms service the position of the in
spector general has always been held
by Britisher. and there are more
men of that nationality holding I'M
portant positions In 1t today than
all the other foreigners taken to-
gether.
The British made another important
contribution to the financial organt.
yation Of China, when under the di-
rectien Of one OF their oiti1sna the
salt tar adminiytrstien was over
Evening star., 1924-12-14

hauled and made to yield a revenue
Of several million dollars where
formerly it had produced only a rela-
lively insignificant income.
Generally speaking. the British
have interested themselves in all
forms Of business enterprise in China
They have invested enormous sums
in fixed capital. especially in rail-
ways. A good deal Of Chinese rail-
road mileage was built by the
British, and much of It Is now
operated by British executives The
largest foreign bank In all China Is
the Hongkong and Shanghai Bank
ing Corporation, . British institu-
tion. This bank has branches in the
chief treaty ports.
The British are likewise investors
In cotton mills and other similar en-
terprises. Many Of the Chinese mills
are equipped with British-made tex
tile machinery. Much of the coast
wise and river shipping in China is
under the British flag. and British
capital Is interested in numerous
municipal public works.
The largest item in British exports
to China Is made up Of cotton piece
goods from English mills. For years
enormous quantities Of cheap cloth
ing material. and their trade marks
or chops" are strongly established
in Chinese favor. To handle this
business they have many large I'm
port houses in Shanghai and other
treaty ports.
One Of the largest single trading
enterprises In China II the Asiatio
Petroleum Company. which completes
with the Standard OIL Company OF
the United States for the Chinese
trade. The British are joint owners
with the Chinese In some Of the
largest coal mining syndicates in the
country
All told, there are In China about
seven hundred British firms and
fifteen thousand British subjects.
Coming now to Americans. II is safe
to say that the chief American product
In China II our missionary. More
than half the Americans In China, or
about Ave thousand men, women and
childrsA, are identified with mission
ary activities. II II also true that
Evening star., 1924-12-14

more than half of all the mission
aries in China are Americans.
American missionary activity in
China began just about one hundred
years ago, when the first Protestant
worker arrived in Canton. 1t is now
going forward on tremendous
scale, and If the work of the Amer
lean Red Cross, the Rockefeller
Foundation and other similar institu-
tions be included, it is probable that
American altruism in China repre-
sents an expenditure of more than
ten million dollars a year. It IL es-
timated that the American people
spend more money on philanthropic
work in China than the total profits
on all forms of our trade with this
country.
Our business relations with China
began almost as soon as we won our
independence from England In 1884
the first Yankee ship arrived in Can
ton. On board was a Maj. Shaw, who
carried in his pocket a letter from
George Washington, commissioning
him as consul to Canton. Twenty
years later, American vessers were
carrying to New England some six
million dollars worth Of Chinese
goods every year. Just before the
Civil War more than half Of all the
foreign shipping clearing from the
port Of Shanghai was under the
American flag. That was in the hey
day Of America on the seas. Ever
since then most Of American for
eign trade has been handled by ships
Of other nations.
y Il
TN Shanghai today there are about
1 100 American firms and many more
scattered throughout the country.
The number Of American companies
having their own representatives and
branch houses In China increased rap
idly after the World War, which
brought us larger share in China,s
trade than we had before.
In general, American enterprise in
China has largely followed the same
lines as the British. but to a lesser
extent. American investors have not
sent nearly so much capital to China
- the British and our interests are
more exclusively along the lines Of
buying ana selling.
The largest single American enter
Evening star., 1924-12-14

property Deductions. reductions and
introductions could be arranged 30
that all profits of over 24c shall be
jotteled down as Business Axpense.
Great excitements.
GIVE us name of that Great Pat
riot" everybody holla, "and we shall
pay your Golf Belts for yrs.'
Il forgot his name" explain Hon.
Friend. But I can rapidly tell you
his address. Just write for informa-
tion to Warden, Federal Penitentiary.
He know exactly all trix to dodge
Incum Tax because he have talked to
so many dodgers"
This leave them all intoxicated.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright, 1924.)
Evening star., 1924-12-14
THE POET ANSWERED

| The POET ANSWERED
~ EAR SIR: In answer to your
repeated questions and re-
quests which have appeared
! - for some years past in the
columns OF the rural papers,
beg to submit the following solu-
| tions Of your chief difficulties:
Topic I-You frequently ask, where
are the friends of your childhood, and
| urge that they shall be brought back
to you. As far as I am able to learn,
those OF your friends who are not in
| tive village. You point out that they
| were wont to share your gambols If
| SO. you are certainly entitled to have
| theirs now.
Topic II.-You have taken occasion
| to say:
"Give me not silk, nor rich attire,
Nor gold, nor jewels rare"
| But, my dear fellow. these are tho
very things had bought for you! II
you won't take any of them. / shall
have to give you factory cotton and
cordwood
Topic III-You also ask "How
fares my love across the sea?" Sec
ond class, I presume. She would
| hardly travel steerage.
Topic IV.-"Why was I born? Why
agree with you.
Topic v-You demand that I shall
show you the man whose soul is dead
and then mark him. I am awfully
sorry; the man was around here all
day yesterday. and II had known I
could easily have marked him.
Topic VII notice that you fire.
quently say. "Oh, for the sky Of your
native land" Oh. for it. by all means.
II you wish. But remember that you
already owe for a great deal.
Topic vII.-On more than one oc-
casion you wish to be Informed,
| What boots 1t, that you idly dream?"
Nothing boots 1t at present--a fact.
sir. which ought to AFFORD you the
highest qualification.
OLD MR.. LONGFELIOW ON
BOARD THE HESPERUS
ut WAS the schooner Hesperus
that sailed the wintry sea,
And the skipper had taken his
little daughter to bear him
company.
There were but three people in
Evening star., 1924-12-14
Cat and Radio.

ONE of the radio fans of Augusta,
Me-. has to share his radio con-
certs each night with the family cat,
as Sir Pussy insists upon listening in.
Music and bedtime stories and ora
tory are all the same to the cat, and
he listens with rapt attention to
everything that is on the air. Some
times the high plaintive wailing of a
violin will make the cat uneasy, but
not to the extent of causing him to
leave his reserved seat in the chair
near the set
Evening star., 1924-12-14
Here Is a Mystery.

UPALL LIGHTNING" has thus far
baffled all attempts at explana-
tion. That it actually occurs cannot
be doubted. Such lightning occurs
during thunderstorms in the form of
small luminous ball or pear-shaped
body, averaging a few inches in di-
ameter, which either moves freely in
the air or travels along objects as IL
attached to them. According to Ma
ture Magazine of fsWashington, the ball
may be visible only an instant or it
may remain for several minutes. Its
appearance is often but not always
preceded by an ordinary flash of
lightning. 1t Is accompanied by a
kissing or humming sound
Evening star., 1924-12-14

the cabin party Of the Hesperus; old
Mr.. Longfellow, the skipper and the
skipper's daughter.
The skipper was much attracted to
the child, owing to the singular
whiteness of her skin and the excep-
tionally limpid blue Of her eyes; she
had hitherto remained on shore to
fill lucrative engagements as albino
lady in a circus.
This time. however, her father had
taken her with lin for company. The
girl was an endless source of amuse-
ment to the skipper and the crew.
She constantly got up games Of puss-
the corner. forfeits. and Dumb
Crambo with her father and Mr..
Longfe!low, and made crossword puz-
zles and geographical acrostics for
the men
Evening star., 1924-12-14
Apartment in Lok.
ong and s

A HOLLOW fir log. % feet long and
feet in diameter, mounted on
large truck, was introduced 20 mo-
tordom by Mr.. and Mrs. C. Z. Cave of
Longyiew, Wash. They proposed to
show Fasteners what real fir splin-
ter from the Northwest woods looks
like. The interior OF the log is di-
vided into a combination bedroom
and parlor, kitchenette, breakfast
nook, bathroom with shower and
other conveniences. such as electricity
and running water.