The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-04-14
The Abb
Artists
A Skeleton Record Of
Cases Tried By
Judge Mcmahon.
BY Qonald cDouRaE-
Roughly Speaking.

They say that an old.time cattle
man could glance at q herd ana
tell within three or four how many
head were In It.; what their con-
condition was; could tell to a day
how long 1t would take to fatten
them for the butcher; how much
provender would be required. And
all this at one quick glance.
About the same thing applies
to traffic yeggs down at court.
The clerk calls q case and the
defendant shambles up to the bar.
We take a look at the defendant
and write the charge in our notes
before the clerks announces 1t.
In seven cases out Of ten we are
right. The old cattle man hasn't
a thing on US
The Traffic Zoo.
Glance at this sloppy looking
specimen lolling up to the bar, hts
hands dangling loose from his
wrists, his head swaying aimlessly
on his hunched shoulders. He's
about three days ahead Of a shave
and his clothes haven't been
pressed for six weeks. Now he
fades gradually from a shambling
walk to q sbiftless, gawky pose
before the judge. Everything
about the man, from the awkward
way he holds his hat to the shape
less, dusty shoes on his fiat feet.
form one harmonious whole Of
eloppiness.
The Corner. Cutting GazabO.
What is the charge against him?
Can there be the slightest doubt
that he's q corner-cutter? Cutting
corners IL sloppy driving. No one
ever cut q corner to save time.
The only reason anyone ever vio-
lates this necessary regulation Is
sheer inability to perform any act
with precision. A man who il
sloppy in dress, action, and speech
will be sloppy in driving. II our
man isn't charged with corner
cutting it's because the cop caught
him at something else first.
The Tin Can Kaiser.
What's this bull.necked, snub-
nosed. prognathous-jawed, low
browed animal charged with?
Passing d street car. That's his
dish. Why should he wait for
other people? Let 'em jump. II
they can't get out Of his way,
that's their hard luck.
Then this little, rat-faced, ner-
vous, weazened.up specimen-put
him down as a speeder and it's
about fifty-fifty you'll be right.
Here's the way a case went the
other day:
about 3 o'clock Saturday after
noon, your honor, / paced this
man at 30 miles an hour"
Probation officer Qnterrupting):
your honor, that case that you
wanted an immediate report
The court: ooh. yes" They
confer.)
Rat.face lin undertone): "Blub,
blub."
Alibi man Ito cop): whats the
matter with that bozo?"
Hes lost his nose powder"
Nose powder! Does that bird
powder his nose?"
"I'll say he does"
"He doesn't look like that kind"
He powders 1t inside"
"Oh, I see. I thought you
meant he was cake-eater."
NO, meant he was a coke
eater. He's pretty blue because
he hasn't had a sleigh-ride since I
got him last Saturday afternoon.
He hasn't shifted anything for 2
days but the damp air of the cell.
He's pretty near crazy by this
time. He was going after It when
/ caught him. Thirty miles an
hour. And he said he was only
going IL. And he believed It, too.
When they're going after that
stuff, 1t seems like a crawl to
them, no matter how fast they're
running.
Moral: As there's about three
SNOW birds" to every rum
hound" roaming around Washing.
ton, a driving-while. dopped law
viii tend to relieve congestion at
the morgue.