The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-30
MOR>4NG sO>u

~S has got to stop" announced ;he
 head of the house, frowning ter ribly. "I have missed my train three times this week and Horatio, who IS just starting out in the business world, has been late twice and probably has wrecked his whole future career, and Genevieve has been late to her first classes for five days! Is there any reason why we can't be on time in this household, I'd like to know?
 "None whatever" responded the busy housewife, releasing a waffle from the electric waffle iron and trying to de- eide which of the three hungry ones needed it worst. Except few little things which I will briefly mention. One of them is that you simply don't get up, that's all!"
 "Why, when I shake you and Horatio you both growl. Clear down in the kitchen I can hear the sounds of combat when you do arise. Of course, techni- cally you are supposed to have property rights in the bathroom, but If Horatlo beats you to the shower by three min utes before your stated time he cannot, as he sputteringly points out, abandon the room to your demand. Scarcely anybody in the midst of bath could do so. While the argument rages he bathes and slaves and emerges scorn- fully and as you turn wrathfully to continue the discussion, Genevieve, who has impatiently been waiting her chance, slides in under your outstretched arm. Always be polite to ladies, you have taught your son, so there is nothing much you can do to Genevieve. Of course, when she insists on dressing in the warm bathroom, too, you have grounds for more remarks which fall harmlessly upon the bathroom door un- til she gets ready to come out.
 "When you do get a chance you find that neither of them has mopped up and you want to know whether you are ex- pected to take a swim on the floor and how can you spread your shaving things when Horatio hasn't put his away-and Horatio shouts, Gee, how could he put anything away with somebody bowling at him to hurry up and get out! and Genevieve says plaintively that it takes time to leave a tub and bowl immacu- late and of course she thought you wanted her to hurry and didn't she hur- " and now look what happens !! She gets criticized, jumped on like fury!
 And What is the right time?' she asks. If she is late to Latin again heaven help her. Yes, she has watch but something seems to have happened to it's insides.
 "Then Horatio calls down wildly to know where his new striped tie is-no not that striped one, the other striped one! He left it right here yesterday. Well, somewhere, if not there. Say, listen comes from you in the front room, haven't you any alarmed socks? We'll, you have looked there and there is a whole drawerful with big holes in 'em-oh, the other drawer! We'll, hos were you to know those were the socks was making carpet rags of! Gee whiz, and it's so late-have breakfast right on the table! As though I were not standing first on one foot and then on the other waiting to put it right in your mouths!
 "Then when you get down you remem- Der you have to fix the darned furnace, and Horatio recalls he just has to phone Annabel, and Genevieve says heck she's left all her books upstairs and where are her clean hankies and will just tie up that fudge she is taking to Char lie! And when you do get to the table the eggs are cold and the coffee chilled and you want to know in dignified ac- cents why I can't have things hot when they ought to be hot! Is that clock right? Glory!
 And so it goes! But you want to get divorce because I object to your sitting up till 80 with the latest novel. You're not bit slepye, yoH explain belligerently. So if you yearn to be on time"
 "Can you beat It." cried the head of