davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Watching The Parade
BY JOHN PILGRIM

We do not know in our shop whether Muir
ray is really dignified or is only suffering
from a ritz. Only time will tell. If it proves
that he is big enough to fill his predecessor 8
breeches it's dignity, and if he rattles it's a
ritz. Only, if 1 were Murray, l think I'd
try to grow into my pumps. He may never
shrink, but if he does, he'll find the process
painful.
What do you think of that poor fish? 2
asked Bill Devere. He high'hatted me-
Me! And 1 came on the job the same day
he did He's known me all his ife.R :
Murray was good executive. The Old
Man. as we affectionately called the gray
eyed old demon who drove us, relied on Muir
raw. Now and then he. would stamp into
Murray's office and tell that young man
that as a moron he was a perfect thirty-slx.
No one thought less of Murray for that:
It was the Old Mans way. He might fall
foul of any of us at any moment.
Then the Old Man OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES like
thatl II hit him at his desk They took
what was left of the Old Man home and
propped him in an armchair. Hen never
raise his voice again, poor old boy. Ia give a
thumb to hear him rage down the center
aisle. calling us all fools and idiots. He
fought for us harder than he fought with
MS It was due to him that most OF our
bunch can face the mortgage man with some
eouanimity. Murray took his place, Of
course. Some one had to. 1t was supposed
the owners would find better man event
ually, but for the moment Murray would 40
And then the poor carp began to ritz us
Wanted us to say sir" and adopt tone OF
veneration that we never showed even fol-
the Old Man, and fired one or two because
they ventured to disagree with him. de Is
pretty arbitrary is Murray. One could out,
bawI the Old Man on a point of policy, but
one cannot out-bawl Murray. He Will moi
listen. 1t is lese majestic to talk back.
Maybe he'll be a better man than the OlQ
Man was. Just now he acts like an actor
l'dressed in some other mans clothes some
how, the man who is big inside never mas
to put ritz on outside.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
WHY THEY ARE FOR FORD

One of the contentious repeatedly made by
monopolistic interests is that it is not right
to permit one man to have control of so
magnificent public property as Muscle
Shoals. That argument finds no support
when analyzed in the light of comparisons.
Mr.. Ford achieved international fame by
making motor cars in large quantity cheaper
than anyone else has ever done, In his deal
ings with his many thousands of employees
he established an enviable reputation for
fairness. He has succeeded in every large
project he has undertaken. He has proved
himself an industrial genius. His profits
which have been large in the aggregate, have
been shared by the thousands who are con
nected with his organization, and the prod
ucts of his purposes, genius and industry
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Being Forgot

The last words of Marie Antoinette to her
son, before she was led away TO the guiIlo-
tine, were: do not seek to avenge nv
death do not seek to rule over the wolves
who have destroyed your father and mother:
be kind, be good, be brave; but above all be
forgot! l quote from the memory of what
l have read: the wording may not be exact,
but it is true ain substance.
There are doubtless advantages in being
high. To be king and to have ones last
words and deeds chronicled in the penny
sheets for all the world to note would surely
be very fine and swell ones self-esteen to the
point of luxury; but there are also advan-
tages in being forgot.
1t must be great game to be prominent
actor on the nations stage, andAthe hurrahs
and hand-clappings certainly must warm the
performers heart, but there are drawbacks.
One must obey the rules, jump when the
stage manager speaks, wear uncomfortable
makeup and stuffy costumes, and often 60
without dinner.
Glory is hard master. Fame is the worst
of letters And to be prominent is to be
watched by a myriad Of critical eyes
1t is fun after all to be mere bystander
1t is more comfortable to sit on the fence
and watch the parade than it is to march and
sweat in the dust and sun.
One thing you can 90 home when you are
tired.
The man who has never succeeded in get
ting into it, who perhaps has never wanted
to get into it, who has watched the weller
of the world as passing show need not miss
his reward.
This thought of world-strangeness of being
waif upon the planet, to observe it for
lifetime, as one looks at a theater's spec
tacle for an hour, to be no part Of it at all.
and to regard death as a getting back to
business, is frequent note in serious minds.
Goodbye, proud world" said Emerson.
I'm going home. You're not my friend and
I'm not yours"
And the same strain is in Robert Louis
Stevenson's exquisite epitaph
Under the wide and starry sky
Dig my grave and let me lie,
For lay me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill"
At the bottom of our deepest thoughts lies
sense of aloofness. In the center Of the
busiest soul is a point of homesicknasA-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
The Easily Fleeced
~ u. ADpINGroN BhUCN

Thn 49,. a.. 80. :. A,,.n,,AeS,, L.A,v.a
have hasn ,asrs 80 r;rent;o srr;ndlas ~
scornSrsjs ,yho ,,osad g. stoothrorsrs Mi.
l;nns ~ aoI,ar. bara 49, stoisr ~, 49,,
from neonle yrbo entrusted ~ thar f,,nJs
ia inysstn,.nt ' : Us
Afos+lr .ba, .,,.ss.5 .h.;r I,o. - ,A,.,,.a
,ns Az rn.,s,.n that 1890, Ss.;,s,,.ssns -,
ih Ky ne unwarys tnat money invested
nrof;ts a. d;r;d~nS .n.,,,.ns urha;. rsI,.t...
ststarnants sra n-on,isss sha,,iJ of 49,
selves have been cautionary signals. serving
to warn off all but the most simple-minded'
Vat +hAr .o.,,.1,, oo4ronnoA +hh ;,..,,;a....
IN Iorsa nrroha-s Thn h;nhl,, $1,000 ~
r-.1l - 49, af AL e. os-'a41:s-N "a,
victims.
TraA.d thar. is ,~.r-sn4 tor ~ ....n.....
4hst - ,ra,,n..;s. e. a. s.eAs.i 1870
t;nn +ha r,osS sas;,v S,.ensa S,, a. 1tSni.
stans .,..rA ~ .nesS
such rorsdns az ,hvs;c;Sns .saohess %s.o,'
clereymen. This fact has led 70 many cynical
remarks about the universality of the greed
for gain.
Rpt was ~ really orAsd for so;n 4h.t
reds +hssa nrafass;onsI 1870 ~ .saSa
nrsv ~ tbo ,pscr,,,,Io,,s9 NJ :. ~ ~.
hAen In n1onv MAN. cssas +hs snr- of shao.
desperation?
Pea ~ wind % ror Mae. 4h.. 49,.
rer6nf veara If nn1oeea1 chAAftnO havo hAon
yasrs - axosnt;onSI strass for ,,rnfoss;o,,ai
men and women. Business workers. whether
employers or employees, have as classes found
life less difficult than the average worker
in the professions.
Thu IsttA-,s recommendation has no+ r;san
.nvtbiro I;LA oor,rnans mrata nth .hs .;sA -
az cost ~ I;,.;nr Va he 4. axractAd ava
otto,, m".,S;,a5 80 ..;et.;n 1;,,;n
rasjiv bsvnnd he rn1sns
,-,,. O-.N ,''o -->'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
DEMOCRATS WIN ETHER WAY

1t is probable that President Coolidge will
sign the tax-reduction bill, even though it
departs from the Mellon schedules so warmly
recommended by the president. There are
two good reasons why the president should
approve the measure. One is that it is bet
ter than the original Mellon plan, although
perhaps the president would be slow to ad
NIT it. The second reason is that it would
be political suicide for the party TO come
before the country with the pledge of tax
revision unfulfilled. The Democrats, on the
contrary. would be able to say with truth
that they had formulated good tax REVISION
measure and that the Republican president
had defeated it. And if the president does
sign the measure. the Democrats will still
be able to lay claim to the principal portion
of its authorship. 1t is a sort of dilemma
into which the Republican party has fallen.
and which is characteristic of the major
portion of the Republican record.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Bide DudIey's Rhymes
Little Sermon"

Now. I'm not a stickler for going to
church If Gabriel should toot Id be left
in the lurch Id likely be told there was
no harp for me. Outside looking in my con-
dition would be. However, I've learned,
when I'm heartsore and sick and troubles
are coming my way pretty thick. visit to
church with its quiet and calm will set me to
thinking and act as a balm.
The world has its trials and bumps for us
all They come to the great and they come
to the small. You cannot avoid them, and so
it is best to fight them with thought and
with calm in your breast. To sharpen your
weapons-to get them in trim-drop into a
church. take a seat, hear hymn. You'll
find twill work wonders, as only church can.
And when you come out you'll be strong-a
new man.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Readers are requested to contribute :
All humor, epigrams Tor humorous mot
toes). jokes, anecdotes, poetry, burlesque.
satires and bright sayings of children
must be original and unpublished. Ac-
cepted material will be paid for at sehed-
ule rates, which will be furnished on APP
plication. All manuscripts must be writ
ten on one side of the paper only, should
bear the name of this newspaper, and
should be addressed to the Fun Shop,
care Age Herald. Unaccepted contribu-
tions cannot be returned.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Modern Maids MaxinlS

When a woman begins to look through
her husbands pockets and to see through
his excuses-thats when the honeymoon
ends.
Men say woman cannot keep secret.
They ought to know-whenever they have
one they pass it on to her to keep. e:
The younger generation makes lot OF
fuss about the criticisms of its elders, but
the one thing it can neither stand nor under
stand is their cheerful indifference.
When a woman asks question almost any
man had rather give her incorrect informa-
tion-and trust to making a getaway before
she discovers its incorrectness-than admit
he doesn't know.
A friend is a person who tells you just
how inconsiderately her husband treats her
when you want to tell her how mean yours
is to you.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
An Old Mans Song
Samuel linturn Peck in Boston Transcript

Samuel Minturn Peck in Boston Transcript
Why do We haunt mine eyes,
Ye amber CLEANS from youths far skies
And days that laugh no more
Why comes in dreams your olden light,
Lovelier as it fled the night
On youths far, golden shore?
Your loss l still lament,
Ye faded flowers for your sweet scent.
Long vanished, yet. yearn
Why kiss, We lovely wraiths. mine eyes
In slumber? Vain my waking signs:
Ye never can return. .N
Why will mine ears recall
How sang the wind in old trees-all
l loved-and could not keep?
Alas, when Life is nearly told,
By memory, or in dreams are doled
The joys we wake to weep.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

tent As a result OF the situation in Chi
cage steps are being taken towards relief,
and three hundred justices of the peace have
been ordered to carry their records to the
states attorney and explain to whom and
on what grounds the reckless issuing of gum
toting permits has been based Where nesli-
gence HAS been shown legal action, if prop
erly carried out, would be saiutary. go
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
The Right Word
GOVERNOR CORRECTED
BY CURTIS NICHOLSON

Find the Error in This Article)
B. C. McMannis of New York has mailed
THE Right Word" an excerpt from news
paper in which Governor Smith is alleged
to have declared, II certainly would like to
see it decided before leave here tomorrow"
Mr.. McMannis changed would like to should
like. The critic is right.
Typographical Error
Mrs B. Higbee of Tekoa. Wash, writes,
Il read in The Right Word 'Avons means
Let us have" and is in the imperative
mood. As a born French woman who has
spent twenty years of her life in Paris, al
low me to say that the imperative of avoir
is ayOuS and not avons."
Mrs Higbee is right.
A Right Word" Scrap Book
Mrs w. E. Brewer writes, my nine-year-
old daughter is FASTING your articles in a
scrap book. / enjoy the articles myself.
Please discuss the following sentences
Aren't you glad chickens is my hobby Each
of her two children is making good grades
in school; Both of her children are making
good grades"
When saying, Chickens is my hobby"
one is really declaring that the raising Of
chickens is his hobby. As the word chickens
is used in the sentence submitted the idea
is singular Each is singular, Note; Both
her children are making good grades
Yesterdays Error
Wrong; / believe it is better to accept the
usage which will better stand to the test
as denoting an idea which is not at all
the same as the two ideas conveyed.
Right: believe it is better to accept
the usage that will better =. as denoting an
idea that is not at all the same .
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
WHTIE THE IRON WAS HOT

Suffering Blacksmith-S-s-s-s-s strike it
q-q-Q-q-q-quick,
Nervous Assistant-W-w-w-w where shall
/ s-s-s-s-s strike it?
N-n-n-n-n never m-m-m-m mind now, its
e-c-c-e-c- cold Passing SHOW. london.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Hka 81 FlyN
HH n E5zN 90 H~
lRHGS4& Lz4XSOW F2K1Z4LL Sl1EZL
FabIegrams
with a Bow to Aesop)
by Samuel Hoffenstein)


A Fox was vainly trying to reach some
grapes on vine when Giraffe came along
and made Monkey of him. After the
Giraffe had eaten four or five crates, the Fox
remarked, Those grapes are synthetic"
Wrong by neck answered the Giraffe,
calmly, as he went on fermenting.
Moral: Sour is as sour does.
An Ape was once chattering gaily in a
cocoanut tree about the pleasures of his
particular lot.
Il ke-cocoanuts; ] get EN- without work
ing l live outdoors in the bright sunlight
and as for the daily dozen, you can't beat
swinging by the TAIL / should worry
At that moment a party of hunters, at
tracted by his chattering, cut short his tale
forever.
Moral: No matter what he tells you, don't
be an Ape.
Bob: How old would you say Peggy is?''
Bill: ITO her face or behind her back ~
John F. NIagner
When a man marries he expects the girl
to give up the whole world. When girl
marries she expects the man to give her the
whole world. 4A. !, * Is
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
lave breueht comfort and h.ppiness to mil

have brought comfort and happiness to mil
lions 4@
The question is naturally suggested,
whether it would not be wiser to permit one
such man to have control of great public
industry such as Muscle Shoals, than to let
it fall into the hands Of monopolistic inter-
ests which already have enjoyed grants of
limitless extent, and which are opposing Mr..
Ford with all the force of their command be-
cause they know that if he gets Muscle
Shoals he will manufacture certain products
| cheaper than they can, and will give the
people the benefits of lower prices. There
| is reason to believe that Mr.. Ford would
develop manufacturing along new lines, and
make of Muscle Shoals one of the worlds
greatest centers of production, with the peo-
pie as the chief beneficiaries Nobody be-
lieves these things any more firmly than do
the special monopolistic interests that are
fighting Mr.. Ford. That is the very reason
they are fighting him.
There is good reason to believe that Henry
Ford can, and will. conduct Muscle Shoals
along lines beneficial to the government and
to the people, if given the chance" says The
Nashville Banner. There is. plenty of rea-
son to believe that no other bidding concern
would SO effectively conduct it." That is
the light in which the people view the situa-
ton. They understand it; they know what
they want : they have a clear conception of
their rights. That is why they are for Ford.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
A Fervent Wish

a Fervent Wish
Betty loved Grandma. Is
Grandma was always cold in che big house
reports Mrs. Estella NJ. Harris, even when
the warm fires burned brightly. Little Betty
was sorry for her dear Grandma!
That night when Betty said her prayers
she paused, and in tender. pleading little
voice, finished with:
"And, o, dear God, please make it hot for
Grandma
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
Be Easy On BoreS
By JOHN CARLYLE

The Tai Mahal. glorious temple of India,
was built by the emperor of Jahan for the
most beautiful woman in India. When it
was finished it is said that the architect was
put to death in order that he might never
build anything to rival the Tai Mahal.
This was hard on the architect. Yet a man
who has done his best and finest work can
well afford to die. 1t is those who have not
accomplished neutrality-suspicious. most need
life. 81.
If we achieve temple we live on in its
beauty and its usefulness. Achievement is
our key to immortality.
All of us have had and have every day a
great deal of experience with strivers after
the temple. They are men saturated with
one idea They think of one thing and talk
of one thing. And they never tire of seeking
us out in our homes and offices to get our
ear and our help.
They pray constantly for the day when
they shall turn that great idea of theirs into
a temple
, We call such men bores.
They are bores but they are not be con-
demned. The bore is half a genius. He is
possessed by an idea, but he has been unable
for one reason or another to build the tenn
pie.
There is a wide, variety of bores. There
is the man who can see nothing worth wnlle
in life but the St. Lawrence Waterway. To
another the highest good for all men lies in
the Single Tax Another is concerned every
waking hour with new league for the peace
of the world Another has a new method
for enforcing Prohibition in the United
States.
We learn to recognize and classify these
hores. We shut our doors when we sense
their approach. We have our office help in
structed to protect us.
But sometimes there is only thin wall
between the bore and the hero or the bore
and the genius.
Study the history of men of genius. You
will find large number of them just bores
who made good.
They were bores who broke through. They
were bores who got their ideas over.
They were bores who finally made people
listen.
They were bores who at last achieved tenn
pies.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

1t is noted that President Coolidge's mos
enthusiastic supporters are not gloating ovel
Colonel George Harveys coming out for him
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

1t seems that some of those dollar-a-year
men called for expense accounts that made
them a greater luxury than the public inter.
ests justified
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Dollar-diplomacy continues to lead the V
rious brands stamped with marks, franc
lire, florins, rubles, ct cetera.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

President Coolidge might find it efficien
to have on file an assortment of veto mes
sages ready for quick delivery.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Those who think that the automobile hal
supplanted the horse are reminded OF the at
tendance at the Kentucky Derby.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

In order to jibe with the eternal fitness
things, marriage certificates should be prir
ed on bond paper.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

@eena- class matter. Of Congress March g. 1879.
FREDERICK L. THOMPSON. President
NEWS BuREAUs-washinston, 500 Davidson
Building; State Capital, Montgomery Journal
Building; Tennessee Valley. Decatur Daily
Building; Tuscaloosa. News Building: Jasper,
Aountain Eagle Building; Animation. Star Build
tnt; Gadsden, Journal Building; Muscle Shoals,
Tri-ctties Daily Building.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES-By mail. payable in
advance in United States and Canada; Daily and
Sunday, one year. $500; six months, $500; three
months $22S; one month, s6c. Daily only: One
year. $3.50; ak months, ts.25; three months.
si76; one month. 7Be. Sunday only: One year.
$3.50; stx months, $3.50; three months. 76c: one
raenth. 35c.
BY carrier, where carrier delivery 10 main
tained: zoe per week, eBc per month.
MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PRESs-The AS
socfatsd Press is exclusively entitled to the use
for publication Of all news dispatches credited to
IT, Or not otherwise credited in this paper and
also local news published therein. All rights OF
republication Of special dispatches are also re-
served.
Telephone tprivate branch exchange connect
Ing all departments), Main 4900.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

1t seems that the social status of guests
at the governments boarding house at At
lanta is gradually being raised.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

When the consumers of the country realize
that they pay most of the taxes in one form
or another, there will be more tax reduction,
and less talk about it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
WORDS OF WISDOM

Would you have your songs endure? Build
on the human heart-Browning.
To say the truth, reason and love
Keen little company together nowadays.
Shakespeare.
Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke
Beaconsfiled.
Fire and sword are but slow engines OF de-
struction in comparison with the babbler.-
Steele
Your learning, like the lunar beam, affords
light but not heat.-Young
Love is ever busy with his shuttle, is ever
weaving into life's dull warp bright, gor-
geous flowers and scenes Arcadian.-Long-
fellow.
Men must be taught as if you taught them
not.
And things unknown proposed as things for
got, Pope.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

1t is reported that Harry Thsw will de-
vote the balance of his life to making money.
Is it possible that the alienists and the law
yers have so far depleted the family treas
uryp
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
THE IMPORTANT POINT

1t is all very interesting that bona fide
Russian princess is on trial for brigandage,
but, of course, what we really want to know
is whether or not her hair is bobbeds--AIan-
chester Union.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27
LONG WAIT

Burglar-Hlo. Mayme-they got me wit
tn goods, dearie, and I'll prob'ly get five
years-don't wait observation-disclosures.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

1t seems that the doughboys are to get
the smallest share of the dough.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Before marriage--bushels of kisses.
After marriage-pecks.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Thoughtful
Mrs. Wilkens: "A marriage certainly
changes a man. Take my husband, for in
stance. He used to offer me penny for my
thoughts and now he offers me $50 to shut
up."-Roy Dettman.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Can Anyone Answer What has siIenced
the chronic complaint against the high cost
OF living! Have we become 30 accustomed
to it that we now accept it as matter Of
course Huntsville Star.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-05-27

Showing Road Progress.--The road build
ing program is necessarily a slow going mat
ter. That's true everywhere. But Clay
county is showing more progress on this line
than many of the other counties Of the state,
though not as much as some Those in au-
thority in Clay are wide-awake to the coun-
tvs needs.-Ashland Progress.