Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-04-13
Togo Serves Two Tea Parties
Wallace Irwin Japanese Schoolboy Letters
: o the Editor of The Star:

rcI:a make teadrunking a habit in
every American home & thusly save
lots OF people from so much Scottish
poisoning that comes in bottles.
/ know because OF what happen 80
suddenly that Hon. Mrs. c. W. Quack-
nire and me are not speaking except
IN syllables. This are how it ex-
ploded.
Two or three weeks of yore this
dearie boss lady commence treating
me like / was a servant. Think that!
No soonly she would arise up from
breakfast than she say. Togo, where
did you misplace your brains this
a.m.?" Before i could tell where she
would brosh me off like was poi
son canary.
Yet when Hon. Talefone go jung
jung her throat would get all choco-
late Sunday
''Hello-how we'll you are looking
today, Clara. Could you come tea
with me Wedsdy the s2nd How
cnarming l am TO ask your & etc.
Mrs. Madam" require, why you
speak lemons to me and oranges to
talefone?"
Because" she report, there must
be two CD ways OF talking-one way
for servants, other way for tale
fone.'
Sometime I wish you would talk
TO me like talefone," I report fune
rally.
Il cannot keep from feeling slightly
peevy & nerve" she jounce, because
are planning a very happy social
accession for next Wed. pm. On that
day ] shall be at home"
But are you not at home now 1
ask out.
How toeless you are talking! she
pronounce. DO not all world know
that I are at home on End & 9Th
wedsdys of Jan, July & some other
months"
1T would require Einsteins and
hotel clerks to keep SO much in mem
ory," | divuldge. But she could not
assimilate those words l said so.
TO mora is my wedsdy," she pro-
woke hottily.
II congratulate you on owning so
large a day" I peruse. But she was
not hit by that thought
You must arrange refreshments for
several persons, all grabbing at once
she short order.
20 sweethearted Mrs. Madam, /
besiege. would you kindly TO esti-
mate some statisticks to tell me now
NANNY persons | shall make teed
for"'
who can tell any exact arithmatlck
about a Tea Party" she raiate'
"There are only one % rule. some
thing else always happen. If you pre-
mare sandwiches for sol persons pus-
sibiy 10 will arrive UP. Therefore you
better cook powerfully, SO all Will
have plenty to get full on.
Mr.. Editor, when l hear those COM
mands | commence TO COOK with all
the strength of my wrists and elbows.
I prepare foods with earnestness Pc
ruliar to Hon. Bert Hoover getting
ready to meet Trotsky. l manufac-
lure so many ham sandwiches that
my knock grew soar from looking up
Iy. / made jinjer cookies in solid
splatoons and surrounded 1t with nut
~ cake of every politickal variety.
Lettus sandwiches also ! made so
many of them that two (2) knifes
broke.
What then you think?
At 4IS pm. o'clock Hon. Mr.. ouack-
nire arrived home looking like he
was picked in mustard.
.'If I was not wasting my val. time
at this female gobblefist," he narrate,
II might be doing something useful
like losing 1913 playing polka" Hard
grunts by him while Hon. Mrs. set by
table lighting a spiritual lamp under
a silver wash boiler. Pretty soonly
her Aunt Arnica Jones arrive up,
looking very top society.
II am expected to pore" report
Aunt Arnica, speaking like Homely
Ladies' Journal.
When people come" negotiate Mrs.
T.. W. Quackmire. be careful not to
talk about umpolite subjecks like
Grandpa who were coachman in the
Street Cleaning Dept"
30 minutes pass off while Hon. Mrs
Quackmire pretend she wasn't there
and Hon. Mr.. Quackmire eat cigars
TO keep his words from coming out.
Then jing-jing by doorben. Who
was that? On, how nice. A literary
gentleman with seeds on his hat wish
TO introduce Handlehauser's History
of the World Is down and you needn't
read it until satisfied
SLAM door in his face" pronounce
Mrs. Quackmire.
/ attemp do so, but could not even
hit his nose.
& so EDWARDS. Mr.. Editor, until I'll
p. m. when Prof Virgil Spillcopp. who
work in Il college, therefore require
more eating income with Chinese ex-
preston. He ate 81 sandwiches &
talk about Ancient Roman Ruins.
Il could show you a modren Ameri-
can ruin what has them all peeled
pointing to his self
Nobody got to laughing about that
So pretty soonly it was o'clock &
Prot. Spillcopp say he must scurry
home & read about astronomy.
Then Mrs. Quack mire close up her
tea and thrush to kitchen where she
look. at dense pile OF sandwiches.
cake & other eatible delickittensen
which ! had ammassed for feed.
"Goshes!' she holla, What you
axpcet was coming this afternoon
pm? The Armenian Relief, perhaps
ly, or the Society for the Prevention
of Hunger Strikes? You got Sufficient
sandwiches to damn up the Panama
caaal. For CD weeks we must eat
pathtpa else -