The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1924-05-13
AS WE SEE 1T
BY T. J. o'FLAHERTY

Count Salm Won Hoogstraeten may
not be an early riser and according to
the early-bird-early-wor philosophy
of Benjamin Franklin, the Count and
a hearty breakfast would not on very
intimate terms, as general rule. But
Won Hoogstraeten, hereafter known
as the Count, never heard Of Benjamin
so he kept on staying in bed until
two o'clock in the afternoon and |
spending the rest of his time getting
married to ladies of charm and pbkls
chritude plus wealth. When the ph5
turned into a minus so did the Count.
AS result he had hardly fingers
enough to count his wives on.
He was very ambitious and decided
to make his mark in the world. He
did not join Rotary Club or Associa-
ton and decided to use his feet in
stead of his head. Armed with two
slippery hoofs he finally glided his
way into the affections of Millicent
Rogers, daughter of Col. H. H. Rogers
of New York, Standard Oil Company
millionaire.
In the meantime thousands of Amer
lean slaves, some of them members
of the Ku Klux Khan, American Legion
and the Masonic Order were sweating
out thousands of dollars for the cof-
fers Of the Standard Oil Company.
Millicent Rogers and her Count were
tossing these dollars across French
barns in return for snappy cocktails.
With their dainty feet on the rail
and inspired by the spiritual pabulum,
the pair mated and presented old mil
lionaire Rogers with a fait accompli.
The Colonel did not like it worth a
darn, but the Count was on the In
side track.
American workers were Shaving for
few dollars a day for Standard Oil
Princess, but the Count using modern I
technique, was making more per
hour than any New York Times brick
layer flying to work in the morning in
his modish airplane ever dreamed of.
The Count was deeply in love. Who
would not under the circumstances?
Old man Rogers tried to brighten him
away from his feminine teapot Dome,
but the Count had his leases in good
condition and furthermore claimed
squatter's rights. DENLY and Archie
Roosevelt with squad of marines
could not drive him off his reserva-
ton.
Finding that force was of no avail,
realizing that unless he got rid of the
Count, he probably would have to sup
port half the population Of Austria
in few years who might claim rels-
tionship with his son-in-law, the OF
King finally decided to talk mcneyA
The Count figured the time he spend,
on Miss Rogers and presented the
Colonel with bill for 100000. This
the Colonel gladly paid and left for
America carrying his more or less
damaged princess with him. After all
a man who wants to get along in this
world can do so provided he is am
bilious. Here is an excellent lesson
for American workers. Any good
American worker may become presi-
dent or marry his boss's daughter.
Promises of adventure more allur-
ing than those held out to wouldbe
world travellers, in the well-known
navy recruiting poster, Join the navy
and see the world" are suggested in
the plans to enlarge the United States
coastguard service in conformity with
the presidents crusade for the en-
forcement of the Prohibition amend
ment. The men will be specially drill
ed to man the dry navy" Old salts
object to this appellation but as n -.
of Uncle Sans ships are now in
business of collecting bills for MAJ
Street bankers, whose clients in South.
America fail to cough up on the dot,
there is no reason why the pride OF
respectable sailor should be hurt
by serving on a rum fleet. He will be
in position to drown his grief at any
rate.
In order to cut down expenses the
London Zoo authorities are putting
geese and llamas to trim the lawns.
The geese are kept from straying by
wire fencing and the llamas are tether-
ed by long rope which gives them
twenty-foot grazing circle. Human
beings used to do the work, now be-
ing done by the Zoo guests. But the
human beings insist on eating three
times day, sleeping in beds and do
ing other little things that cost money
whereas the geese and llamas have
to be fed anyhow. Thus the Zoo
authorities kill two birds with one
a.. 4.