New Britain herald., 1924-05-31

Snoring is a universal language. B f our neighbors German, Italian
 Swedish or from Baluchistan, if the, I snore we get tho message immediate
 ly--"having a fine time, wish vol r were here" A man may speal , broken English, but his accent is per feet on snores. His enunciation, arti
 cufation and vocabulary are remark
 able.
 , Like smiles, there are snores that
 make us happy and there are snores
 that make us mad. Our own snores tell of mind at rest, conscience at ease, a soul at peace with the world
 But when another occupant of the house snores-that's different.
 It is said that policeman used to
 listen every night for the snores of a
 man who had been paroled from
 prison and who made his home on the
 policeman's beat. For nearly a year,
 the snores were heard regularly and
 the policeman was satisfied that the
 paroled prisoner was behaving him-
 self But one night he missed the sonoroLs sounds from the chamber Of the man. That same night burglary
 occurred in the neighborhood. Next i morning the policeman, arrested the
 man whose snores he had missed, put
 him through the third degree and se- cured a confession that he was the burglar. Boy, page Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
 Snoring is distinctly related to sing
 ing. There is the booming bass | whose rumble rocks houses built on
 the firmest of foundations. Frequently he intersperses whistle and occa-
 sionally he interrupts his dialogue i with "ha, ha," showing that the 1 subeonscious self is aware that he is
 enjoying himself exceedingly. Then there is the alto, whose snore is very much like that of the bass gentleman, ! the chief difference being that it lacks 1 timbre, if you get what we mean. The { tenor snorer is one of the phenomena of nature. The noise he makes is more like a giggle than real. genuine snore. He reminds one very much of school girl who receives her first invitation to go automobile riding in the moonlight. His contribution verges narrowly on being a staccato litter. A criminologist who has surreptitious- ly made wax records of the snores emitted by different types of men de- clares that the snorer who titters is of the cacogastric type and has a mean disposition when awake. He is not to be trusted and a woman who takes him in marriage usually finds that his 1 family tree was a lemon bush.
 The funniest thing ever beheld by the eye of man Is a pretty maiden, whose manners in polite society are above reproach, lying on her back snoring. pcll mell her>charms vanish, be they as many as they might be. With a crash she is reduced to the status of the rest Of us humans. She snores, ye gods, how she snoros. She may preside with distinction at tea, but in the privacy Of her own boudoir her heel Of clay sticks out the window for anyone with ears to hear as he passes by.
 Nothing is more pleasing than to hear a hard-working fat woman do her stuff as she sleeps.Her billowy form hits the line hard as she adds variety by way of grunts, gasps groans and choking noises that sound as if she were trying to gargle the Greek alpha bet, There's a hundred per center for you. She has the time of her life and believes in telling the world.
 Snoring is something we all have in common. Rich man, poor man. beg : ger man, thief--all snore. Kings and potentatcs maye rule with rods Of steel and their serfs may cringe, but when night draws it's sable mantle about the world, they hie themselves 10 their downy couches or rude hunks, as the case may be, and snore. And who shall say that the cringing serf does not snore louder than his bonn bastie master? And who would de- priye him Of that privilege?
 Snoring is a popular indoor sport in apartment houses. X ianitor Of one of these modern dwellings whose duty is to watch the premises nights and keep the fires burning recently tender ed his resignation. When asked by the owner why he was leaving, he replied: Because the people in the block snore so loud they keep me awake" It is also said that night policeman once resigned for the same reason.
 Your husband was out late last night. Mrs. Naybor," says Mrs. knowsit to the lady next door.
 How do you know" is the come back.
 Because didn't hear him snoring until early this morning" |
 The Golden Rule seems to have been supplantcd with a more modern injunction: "snorc unto others or they will snore unto you
 And let the rest of inc world go by.
 With the air of mystic India, the land of temple bells and Gunga Din, about him, former Mayor Joseph r. Duttol. author, newspaper man, law yer and popular city official. has re- sUmed his law practice in Bristol after a five months tour Of the world. Like the borne news sathcrer who is on hand when something occurs. Attor- i ncy Duiton's cruise landed him in Ja- pan as the first Of the reconstruction work after the destructive earth quakes in. Yokohama began. He was impressed by the methods taken by the Nippo1ese as all Of the razing and clearing work was being done by hand. whereas in this country steam shovele would have made short work of most of the problems. The Japs, .he found. could not understand the two sides. now beIne presented by Sfy,r~icaps fc. 4hrra in tka fnnrcffi1i