davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24

the patent office the other day.
Maybe they were not so Wild
eyed after all. Commissioner
or Patents Thomas E. Robertson has
his doubts. but they sound wild eyed.
One OF them said to the commits
sioner:
Shake hands with the king Of in
ventors,"
So Mr.. Robertson shook hands with
the King. He has met kings before.
They do not annoy him at all. He
wanted to know what the king had
up his sleeve.
THE king Of inventors" yociferated
his cicerone. has invented a perpet-
ual motion machine. 1t works. sir!
1t works."
The cicerone said the king had all
the drawings with him. He produced
them as stage entertainer does
rabbits and waved them at the COM
missioner. He said he would like
to have a patent right away: his
machine was wonderful. Mr.. Rob-
ertson said:
you must file the machine with us
before We can issue a patent, not a
working model. Not drawings. A
regular, perpetual motion machine,
that will go on perpetuating. We
are, not TO put a fine point on II.
fed up with drawings Of perpetual
motion. We want to see the machine"
Wasn't >that a dirty trick to play
upon a king? Streams Of inventors
have ballyhooed into the patent Of
flee with drawings OF perpetual mo-
ton machines and made a grating
sound with their hobnails on their
indignant way out because of that
rule. They usually say the patent
commissioner-whoe the current
commissioner may be--is trying to
stamp inventive genius down into
the dust. Or else they blame it on
the money power. But not one of
them has come back with the ma
chine.
Protection From Grafters.
'Some of them" said Mr.. Robert
son, may be on the track of a sort
Of perpetual motion after all. Mo-
ton running from the pocket Of
suckers into those of grafters. That's
why I say they are not all so Wild
eyed as they might seem to be. Per-
petual motion machines and those
other little jiggers by which you can
run an automobile for hours on a
nickel's worth Of moth balls usually
have something that Is not shown
in the drawings. Something like a
small motor. Or a hidden pump"
The rest OF US are mostly on the
level. ! said the rest of us, for we
are beyond a doubt the most inven-
tive nation in the world. The figures
prove 1T. With only one-sixteenth
the population of the world one-half
the worlds patents have been issued
in the United States. In the last ten
years, II you allow for the inroads
death, about one person in each one
hundred and fifty. women, children
and slick haired young men who help
old ladies do their dancing being in
cluded, has asked that patent be
granted on. some device or other.
When you think how many of US
there are who have not asked
. T have three or four mighty valu-
able inventions up my sleeve right
now. So have you. So has every other
person I know. Whenever some new
scheme for beating secondhand gold
toothpicks into sparkplugs comes out
three or four of our nearest and dear
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24


Xxx y X
The British Empire.-The employ
ers having conceded the demands of
the striking British dock workers al
most in toto agreement has been
struck between the union chiefs and
the employers. but because of the tri-
fling difference between the demands
and the concessions ratification by the
rank and file is required. Such rati-
fication is expected tomorrow, the
25th.
The government, when agreement
was not yet in sight, made the fol-
lowing announcement, exceedingly
interesting as coming from a labor
government:
THE government will not fail to
take what steps are necessary to Sc
cure the transport of necessary food
supplies, and have already set up a
nucleus Of an organization"
After a debate which made II
be defeated on any proposal which
should contemplate weakening of the
air policy of the late government,
which policy contemplated British
air strength able to withstand air
attack by any other power, Wiiiia m
labor government. a dyed-in-the-
grain pacifist, having first invoked
Scripture on behalf of pacif1st pro-
ceeding, gave assurance to the COM
mons that his government would con-
tinue the policy OF the S sahass , s6or
members frequently relieved their
pious feelings by their favorite ejac-
ulation, Shame"
Nor is the navy to be allowed to go
to pot. On the 21st the government
brought in a bill construction of five
placements. This was terrible
shock to the labor members not of
the government. who conceived them
selves betrayed and said 80. MT
Macdonald brought them to their
senses by a combination Of master
fulness and persuasion. He sensibly
observed that disarmament was to be
brought about, II at all, by agreement
and that this consumntation so de-
voutiy to be wished would not be pro
NOTED by decrepitude OF the British
Nothing could be more interesting
OF, edifying than to watch the edu-
cation, through responsibility, OF the
British labor party.
= The chamber Of shipping Of the
United Kingdom announces that or
g. 600. 900 idle tons Of shipping In the
world only three-Quarters of a mil
lion tons are British. This sounds
hopeful enough but at the same time
q lament goes UP from British manu-
facturers that they are being beaten
BY foreign houses-especially Ameri-
can and German--not only in foreign
markets, but also in the dominion
and colonial markets and even in the
home market. The Indian govern
ment has been placing large orders
for railway equipment IN Germany
and the United States. South Africa
has been buying from the Krupps;
etc: Everything considered. however,
British industry and commerce seem
to be on the up.curve.
The people Of the Hebrides are in
terrible misery. Rain has fallen in
cessantly for months on those islands
and 1t. has destroyed the meaHet
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24
Making q Radio Condenser.

Efficient transmitting and receiv-,
ing condensers for radio work can
be made from old Photographic
plates, says Popular Science Month
1y. First wash of the emulsion with
hot water and rub down the surfaces
with carborundum cloth. Then coat
the glass with ordinary, aluminium
paint and make connections with
small tinfoil strips sandwiched be-
tween. - -. =-S~-''
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24
Bar, to Immigrants
. Up in Four Months

g., Continued from First Page.)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24
BY HENRY ". BUM.

By HENRY ". BUNN.
THE following is a brief sum-
mary Of the most important
news Of the world for the
seven days ended February %:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24
BY HERBERr COREY.

. WO wild-eyed men went into
the patent office the other day.
Maybe they were not SO wild
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1924-02-24
Idea of Third Party Alarms;
Election Might Go to House

Continued From First Page.)
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
Campaign Fund

The Age-Herald is receiving contributions
for the Democratic presidential campaign
fund from its readers The fund stood yes
terday as follows:
Previously acknowledged -. .$fyS09OO
Cash. Russellville, Ala. .......s.. 1000
j. T.. Werden, Hillman HOTEL. LOO
The time is growing short in which to com
plete the swing of votes to the Democratic
ticket. What is done must be done within
three weeks. Those who expect to contribute
to the campaign FUND should do so now If
they want their money to do the utmost good
1t begins to look as If the Borah resolution
of inquiry will keep the Republican contribu-
tions lower than they would otherwise be
Therefore, the Democrats are not under the
heavy financial handicap that has often kept
them out of the White House.
A dollar counts more in this campaign than
it has in previous campaigns, for 1t has to
offset fewer privilege dollars on the other
side.
Contribute to the Democratic effort and to
the success of John w. Davis.
Party loyalty has thus an additional man.
ner in which it may serve the party.
If many will give moderately, the total will
be sufficient.
But in this community many are not Civ
ing even moderately.
Is the cause not worthy one?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
w. c.. T. us JUBILEE.

The jubilee celebration of the w. c. T.
u. of Alabama, is unique in one respect
1t is one of those rare occasions when an
organization pledged to a reform can
look back over its fifty years and know
that success came we'll within the period.
The w. c.. T.. U. carried the banner of
prohibition in the early days of dis
couragement, when it was freely pre-
dicted, even by the well-informed, that
the measure would never be successful.
But the organization kept their faith and
their lights still burning, and were never
so courageous as when hope was nearest
despair. Finally, other agencies swung
into line and the great purpose was &C
complished, and the nation is millions OF
dollars and hundreds of thousands OF
lives better off as a result. For its
pioneer work the w. C. T. U. has earned
the praise of this nation. Long may it
bear its banner high.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
The Right Word
with YOUR PERMISSION"
BY w. CURTIS SICHOLsoN
(Find the Error in This ArticIe.)

(t1nd the Error In InlS ArC1cAe.J
Edna Rowell of New York makes the fol-
lowing inquiry:
I'VE shall appreciate your telling us which
of the following expressions is correct, and
why:
(Which we reprint with your kind permits
sion; mod
(Which we reprint by your kind permits
sion"
The use of with, as in the first example,
is correct. With expresses the relation of an
accompanying condition.
The Belgian Hairdresser.
Two more versions of the sentence on the
work of the Belgian hairdresser have been
received.
Rose Stanberg of New York has submitted
the following:
"A Belgian hairdresser wove with human
hair picture thirty inches long, and twenty
inches wide, of a steamer with red tunnels,
black hull, and gray sea-"
Frank Feldman of New York offers the fol-
lowing:
"a picture thirty inches long and twenty
inches wide, of the steamer with red tunnels
black hull, and gray sea, was woven with
human hair by a Belgian hairdresser.P
The Belgian hairdresser has received lot
of publicity. Maybe some one will submit
another sentence to untangle.
Yesterdays Error.
Wrong: This earlier teacher held that the
word time" was superfluous.
|, Right: This earlier teacher held that the
word time is superfluous.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
Some Political Reflections.

To the Editor of The Age-Herald:
The reasons for LaFollette running" for
president are many, but the reasons voting
for him are few. He has done some good as
United States senator, but his usefulness has
about ended. La Toilette is wet" That
alone is enough to defeat him. Prohibition
is in the constitution, and will never get
out. La Toilette is exposing all departments
of our great government. That is of no in
terest to the thinking people in general. In
most cases they know about all, or as much
as they care to know.
"Show me what company you keep, and
I'll tell who you are"
Samuel is another "old' man whose use
fulness is about ended. When telling us the
Federation of Labor was for LaFOllette, he,
(Gompers) didn't realize that in this cleo
ton, it will be nearly their death knell-as
they are supposed to vote collectively for La
Toilette. When their noses are counted aft
err election, a surprise is in store for them
In other elections they have voted separately
and their strength were never known. This
year they are solid and we'll see how few are
voters. Have no fight with the Federation
nor unions, but see what is coming. 1.-The
handwriting is on the wall"
tn be quite interesting to see how those
"flopping" Democratic editors in our great
Southland, after all the returns are in and
they have scratched their heads and pulled
their hair (some have no hair), what will
they do and what can they say? In the
meanwhile, the writer looks for a campaign
of mud-slinging and charge of corruption as
never before. We got d circular the other
day, sent out by a certain magazine, headed
vote for LaFollette. Cooling for Coolidge
In st. Louis, in Cincinnati, in Chicago, in
Omaha there are German language publica'
tons cooling for Coolidge. There are places
where the German elements waver. 1t is
our mission to fight the enemy in his OWL
territory. The guns of the enemy have hardly
come into action. Soon they'll belch flame
Poison gas, hand grenades, treason will bC
at work. We must be prepared to meet the
enemy all the way"
That's pretty strong language don't yor
think so too? Also: Our fight is not only
for LaFollette, but for the Progressive Bloc
in congress and for the reputation, total anC
emphatic of the myth of a guilty nation ant
its mongrel progeny, the peace treaty of Yer
sailles." Would such language have beer
tolerated during the war? 1 guess not II
looks to me as it could be stopped from go
ing through the mail "The enemy" il
pretty strong language used about the ad
ministration of our great country, from
president down. 1t is nothing but anarchitsic
bolsheviky of the rankest kind.
J.P. HOLM.
Birmingham. Ala, Oct 10, 1924.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
SHOALS STILL AN ASSET.

Whatever may be the ultimate action
Of congress with respect to Muscle Shoals,
it appears that Henry Ford has opened
the eyes of the people of this country to
the indispensable value of the project.
Ford must receive the gratitude of this
nation for having possessed the vision to
discern the Muscle Shoals possibilities
when the power trust and others were
willing to pass it up as of no value. There
has been much said about the improper
construction of the nitrate plants, for ex-
ample, to make chemicals according to
modern processes. But Henry Ford saw
how the construction could be altered to
meet the new conditions. There was for
time talk, even in official circles, Of
abandoning the project now that the ma
tional emergency was past and there
seemed no way of utilizing it. But Henry
Ford declared that he could keep the
plants running in peace time for the
production of fertilizers such as are now
imported at a high cost, and could have
the plants at all times in readiness to be
converted to the manufacture OF ex-
plosives and turned over to the govern
ment in time of war.
Then the interests who saw their
monopolistic programs threatened by the
Ford proposal jumped into the fray and
sought to influence the government
against its manifest duty to the people.
Unfortunately, this wretched onslaught
upon the public welfare has been tempo
rarily successful. A privilege-ridden
administration was unable to transgress
its traditions and do something for the
people and counter to the wishes OF
predatory interests. Thus the public
welfare suffers.
But it must not be forgotten that the
same possibilities are inherent in the pro-
ject as were there while Henry Ford's
offer was still before congress. These
potentialities must be realized, and the
people of this territory must not rest un-
til they are realized. There must still
be the same vigorous fight to keep the
power from being dissipated and to pre-
vent the chemical plants from being
junked. Agricultural welfare demands
that the nitrates be produced, and the
national safety demands that the plants
be in continual operation and be kept
up-to-date in all processes so that when
war does come we shall never again be
caught unprepared. They said that Ford
offered far too little for the project, and
the gullible politicians swallowed that
sophistry, not having the intelligence to
reflect that, had it not been for Ford's
offer, the whole thing would have been
scrapped and total loss.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15

feet. 1t really looks as if the Republic
an party needed little vacation in which
to recuperate and get rid of some of its
deadly abcesses, and the miserable
spawn of broken-down political ma
Chimes" Mr.. Coolidge will not be in
harmony with congress anyhow, and it
seems as if only Democratic administra-
ton could function. Certainly, the Re-
publicans, by the admission of Borah,
Brookhart and others amongst them, are
not fit to govern until they reform. What
better warning could they have that they
must reform than reputation at the
polls?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
BoRAH ADMITS PARTY EMPTINESS

Perhaps the main distinction between
the attitudes of Borak and LaFollette to-
wards the Republican party, is that, while
both recognize its evils, Borah hopes for
reform, whereas LaFollette thinks the
party had better be destroyed and a new
one created. 1t is probable that Borah
has the saner and more constructive
vision.
Nevertheless, his words, as quoted by
the New York World, do not spare the
party nor mince matters:
"The fundamental, underlying, endur-
ing principles of Republicanism are just
the same today as in the days of its
greatest power and glory. The men
who have compromised, if not imperiled,
the Republican party #. who have
placed it tonight in position of defense,
are the men who, while crying 'regu-
lar have defended Lorimersm and New
berryism, have piled taxes upon the peo-
>ple in order to create offices for slavish
henchmen, have tolerated in the depart
ments of government the miserable
spawn of broken-down political machines,
despise them all. Politically, l
would dynamite the last one of them if
/ could"
This is just what the Democrats have
been saying, with more to the same eff
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
The Joy OF Children.


Mrs. Brown has three children. Her hus-
band is dead. She is 20 years old. She lives
in the country.
Cora, the oldest daughter, lives couple of
hundred miles away. She is married. Her
husband is rich She writes to her mother
twice a year and comes to see her once in
several years. She always brings several
dresses for her mother that she no longer
wants to wear herself. She tells her mother
that with little making over they will fit
nicely and look very well.
John, the oldest son, is in China. He writes
home whenever he needs money, and his
mother always sends him what she can.
Pearl is married. Her husband is doing
fairly we'll She spends part of each sum-
mer with her mother, and her children mum
bering seven) raise Cain and tear things to
pieces generally AS soon as it commences
to get a little chilly she PUSHES back to the
city after telling her mother she has had a
fine time, and telling all the children to tell
her the same, which they do.
Mrs. Brown sits at home and reads articles
on the great comfort of children as a mother
grows old.
Ernest Mann.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15

board are working at cross-purposes,
and that there is political maneuvering
of the sort that has no place in such
board. 1t is regrettable that the poll
tics of the city. commission should be
injected into the board, and that the
public welfare should suffer while pri-
vate ambitions disport themselves.
1t is regretted that the original plan
of having board selected by the govere
nor, and containing no member holding
political office was not successful. No
park system will ever be built as long as
the board is dominated by any purpose
foreign to park building, nor as long as
the park operations are to be made the
sport of some secret program. The less
money thus placed in jeopardy the bet
ter, until there is harmony in the board
and an unmistakable purpose of putting
the park welfare before everything else.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15

0NJ OVER

Scene: Baseball field in World Series
game.
With two men on bases, none out and Nc
uillan wavering, Frisch and Gowdy gather
around him and engage in conversation
which the fans imagine is fraught with great
significance. This is what really passes
Frisch Are you worried, Macf
McQuillan: Sure I'm worried. You said
you'd give It to me in a coupla days and it's
over a week now.
Frisch: You'll get 1t, you'll get it.
McQuiIlan: Yeah, but when you borrow
coupla bucks from a Teller and say you'll
| pay him back on a certain day, why doncher
do it?
Frisch IN give it back to you after the
game.
McQuillan 1 hope so.
Gowdy Say, I'm in a devil of fix!
McQuilla What's the matter with you?
Gowdy: I'm invited to wedding next
week and amt got stiff shirt to my NAME
Frisch What size do you wear?
MCMILLAN: Speaking of weddings, did you
ever hear the story of the Chinaman and the
Swede?
Gowdy No; tell 1t.
Umpire Play ball T!
| Scene II-Same as scene l. Walter
johnson has just given base on balls with
two on bases. Harris and Peckinpaugh go
into conference with him.
johnson There's no USE l can't do it.
Harris: Do what?
johnson Solve that cross word puzzle that
was in the paper this morning.
Peckinpaugh: Where does it stick you,
Walt?
johnson: l can get most of the verticals
I but the horizontals have got me buffaioed.
need word pertaining to nitrates.
Harris: Night rates are about two cents
word cheaper than day rates.
johnson: Gimme a word for mollusc.
Peckinpaugh l won prize in a cross
word puzzle once.
Harris So did /.
johnson: need a word for a name OF
gum tree in East India.
Umpire Come on there and play ball
Scene III. Same as previous scenes. The
game is just about to begin. Kelly, Frisch,
Jackson and Young gather in group at
second base. The fans think some great
baseball strategy is being framed up.
Kelly: I know her name. She lives in
Pittsburg.
jackson don't mean that one, mean the
blonde.
Young It's Ethel.
Frisch How do you know it's Ethel?
Young: She signed it to the postcard.
Kelly hear her folks have money.
jackson She sure is a wicked dancer.
Frisch Say, speaking of women, etc, etc,
etc
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
THE TRUE PROGRESSIVE.

From my point Of view he only deserves
to be called q progressive who cannot sec
o wrong persist without an effort to redress
a, or n right denied without an effort 10
protect 1t; who feels q deep concern for the
econemic welfare of the United States, bus
renIfzes that the making of better men and
women is n matter greater still; who
thinks of every governmental policy first
Of all in Its bearing upon human rights
rather than upon material things; who be.
Heves profoundly in human equality and
detests privilege in whatever form or In
wAakever disguise, and who finds the true
test of success In the welfare Of the many
and not the prosperity and comfort Of the
few. The civic unit of America ID not the
dollar, but the individual man. All that
goes to make better and happier and freer
nAen and women Is pRpgressi ali else Is re-
aetten.-John w. Davis.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15

h. b. IN BALTIMORE SUN.

Taking the agony out of heart
And putting the sunshine in.
Struggling up to the finer air
And the peaks we would win.
Helping the helpless a little way
With some of our inner cheer;
Making the most of the toiling day,
And being glad we are here.
Loving with liberal heart and true,
Steadfast in all that counts;
Turning the eyes to the vaulted blue,
The soul to the dream that mounts.
Keeping the back to the pressing tide
OF evil and lust and wrong;
Walking in faith by a womHn's side
And singing sunlit song.
Measuring up to u mans true test,
Positive, tireless, free;
With a dream of love in the tender breAs
And the whole wide world to see.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1924-10-15
Forum OF The People
Murder As A Sporting Event.

To the Editor Of The Age-HeraId:
That the shooting of husbands by their
wives, along with the opportunities offered
leather-lunged lawyers for forensic exercise,
would one day be among the popular sports,
l have long been convinced.
1t remained for you to confirm my con-
victions by carrying such news in the sport
ing section, today's issue of The Age-Herald,
and l hasten to congratulate you upon this
forward step as another evidence of your I'M
questioned prOgressiveness.
CARTER MILLER.
MONTGOMERY, Ala, Oct. IL, 1924.