davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Slipping up on the Proprictics

It rained little. one night last March, and by morning the small pools of water in the hollows of the sidewalks were tiny, treacherous patches of ice.
 A portly, middle-aged man stepped on one of the slippery spots, and promptly hit the pavement, like the traditional thousands of bricks.
 Man number two hastened to the assistance of the unfortunate one, but in attempting to render first aid to the injured. also gave prefect imi- tation of an old-time "knockabout" comedian, determined to put dent in the stage.
 Two women passed the pair, who were vainly endeayoring to struggle to their feet.
 Isn't that an awful disgrace" ex- claimed the disgusted brunette to the blonde, and the whole country sup posed 10 be dry"
 Yes" murmured the blonde, and so early in the morning, too.'
 Robert F. McMillan.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Our InauisitiNe RcpOrter

Our lnquisitiye Reporter yesterday asked this question of four people chosen t random:
 Now that the development ot cunciform inscriptions has been identified and registered as both poly phonous and ideagramatic, what do you consider the best means of curing a wart on the third finger Of the left hand?"
 Bill Beach, awning hanger:--"Well. at least I can say this much, Bo. l ain't never yet had my thumb prints taken"
 Freda Hull, teaeher;---"Perha ps, but it depends more or less on what the population Of this city was in 1898"
 A, H. Callan, mechanie:--"lf you mean Ida o'Rann, the cashier down as spieler's, I never noticed no warts on her left hand"
 Percy Perl, interior decorator;-- But you can get the same effects with lilac hanGings, and orchid cushions to match would be just as sweet"
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
%x&1s ,fun nSh!!Qb {!
 MAxs0N EoxHALL JLDM
FANS
(By Ida NJ. ThomasD

sN.NF
 tBy Ida Nj. Thomasl The only thing he talks about Is pitchers. bases and home runs And all within the neighborhuod His very presence shuns. Hes crazy on half-holdays,
 His sighted family never can See aught of him except at night He is baseball fan. And I? You ask me what am To speak so snearingly Of these? Why I'm in quite different class: l represent the cooling breeze That fails to, come on scorching Gays; l am valued friend of man, A benefit 10 all the world I'm an electric fan.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

indifference and cynicism. But those who believe that the sentiments of the human heart. deep down, are just as fine as in former days, look with con- fidonce to the time when men and women will not be afraid to display once again that warmth of heart, as we believe warm springs will return some year.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
TIE IIRsT CONTEMPLATION

The organization Of he Elks in this eity has been the first io act officially On the opening Of the campaign con- dueted annually by the Herald 10 raise enough money 10 srnd as many as possible of tHe Undrrnourishcd chil- dren of the city 10 Inc Fresh Air Camp. Others aiii undoubtedly follow. not necessarily the Etts, but rather ,hs, fire inspiration to aid the most ap- paaliHg of ali rrtos-the voice of ar ttIing chijd
 Our thanks. and tre un=potcn Thanks ot Inc children are given to this organization s1d are uoa given to aH which 1in contribute. It is Inc promptnass eith which fhis orraniza- t4aH responded Co tts appraI aHlth drass IHts mt1a uord oT gratitude. pot That other organization contributions viIi not hs gratefully rer,iscd. bm rather Becaasr r -ould srrrr ifn- mediate action of iHis kind fuztsrrs The proper fHihuei7~fn for thn sauss.. That Is gratifying. Probably oth,r Organizations. H8t having mr' siurs Inc first appeal vas made. have not had Inc opportunity to 'sky action. Probably there are many zurh or=aui- zatiDns which have m0t tbe anount sn hand vhieh they plan 'o give for The sake of ibs ebildrn. No sugces- tion af 2 criticism 8f them is fut.rd.d in an ssy. Tbeg alll rite ard =ive tisaIs before the campaign is ciczed.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Modern Nursery Rhymes

Little Mary had a Bob They're all the style, you know; And everywhere that Mary went Her Rob was sure 10 go. You think of course her hair was
 bobbed, Oh no! that isn't SO. The Bob Of which I'm speaking Us little Mary's beau.
 Mrs. Lida Frey.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Facts andFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

A friend in need s the one yot dodge.
 Motto of too many modern doc tors: When in doubt, try a hypo dermic"
 We have yet 10 sec the Madonna look on the face of woman fondlinr little fuzzy dog.
 Patriotism is what makes the home team place scientific hits and the visi- tors get lucky ones
 The most praific cause of spanking is the fact that dad had a bad day at the office.
 Probably fl is only the fear Of ridi-
 Probably fl is only th fear of ridi- cule that prevents Inc average author from dedicating his books to himself.
 An author says that every man should once day say to woman. How beautiful you arc':" And frev- vcn's sake fry 10 keep a straight lace while you're saying if.
 Modern version: Where are you ro- ing. my pretty maid?" ''whoinoll wants to know" she said. Where are you going ?'-to another maid. "Noneyadambizness. sir" she said.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
An III Wind

She tsotto voce)--Georgie. dear, ifs q burglar!
 He--sh-h-h. don't move; maybe he can get that window up; it's the one we haven't been able 10 open since the painters left.--fife.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

THs Fun siI9p is nntionai msff- union c0neucied 3,y neN spapers H lite r0untfg. E0utribg; iU1is From readers. pTOsidiHg they afe original nErHBiisied. and posses sunieieut merit. vlfi be 1said for af rates vary fls from ti-ga 10 SIB.aB. Write o5s one side Of the iszIeT only and send tour coutribBtions to f1ls --Fmn siIoI. Editor.~ cHfs Of ire Heiaid. HiIs. wiH forward tlfef8 70 SeH TeTt Unzftsptsd msn8s.sTtilss eiiI noi 0. rafurned
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
'At-a-t,iri.

Last evening after had igiven my four-year old daughter her bath, and was just about 10 put on her night gown, she noticed she wasn't quite dry.
 ''Oh. mother" she commanded hur- riedly. rub me good and dry. because don't want to get rusty
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Member of The Associated Press.

The Associated Press is exclusively entitled 10 the use for republication of all news credited to It or not otherwise credited In this paper and also local news pub lished herein.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Nothing Permanent

Lily--so yo' done mortsassd our lil home.
 Mose--Jes' temn'rarily. honey. i'll de mortgage am fo'closed.--Ameriean Legion Weekly
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

The only profitable advertising medium in the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Member Audit Bureau of Circulation.

The A. R. c. Is national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- tisers with a strictly honest analysis of circulation. Our circulation statistics are based upon this audit. This insures pro- lection against fraud in newspaper dis tribution figures to both national and local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Sisierly Love

she:--"ko, John, you can never be moro than brother to me" He;--"well, all right--kiss brother soodnight.'
 Joe Gartside.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

The Herald is on sale daily in New York at Hotaing's News Stand, Times Square; Schultz News stand. Entrance Grand Central. 42nd Street.
 Los Angeles. Cal; Arcade Station.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

Parents admonish their children 10 tell the truth. and then lise in constant fear that they will do so.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
Jingle JaDgIcs

Any funny, nonsensieal rhyme that will make Fun Shop readers laugh is a Jingle -Jangle. It must be in two lines. For example.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
New Britain Herald

HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY Issued Daily Sunday Exceptedl At Herald Bldg. 67 Church Street. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: $500 Year.
 1900 Three MonthL
 75c. a Month. Entered at the Post Office at New Britain as Second Glass Mail Matter.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

Mrs. l.. W Standke THE BOOTH LEGGEH's DAUGHTER
 tBy Benjamin DeCssseresD am in love with the bootlegger's
 daughter. have 10 drink rum. l never drink
 water. When I go a-courting, She is always sorting The bottles of hoUtch from bottles Of
 booze, And ] am kept busy hiding the cIews. ! an in love win the bootlcggcr's
 daughter, And learning Inc thipgs I hadn't
 oughteF. We talk Of labels and corks Instead Uf blucl,eils and storks: She calls me "Eed Eye" Rum
 Hound" and stew" While call her my little Home
 Erew."
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
TELEPHONE CALLS;

Business Office ........ ss5 Editorial Rooms .....,.. ee6
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

We have yet 10 sec the Madonna look on the face Of woman fondline a little fuzzy dog.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

You will undoubtedly contribute funnior Jingle -Jangles than these. Ad- dress them separately to Jingle Jangle Department, The Fun Shop, Herald.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

Patriotism is what makes the home team place scientific hits and the visi- tors get lucky ones
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

After winter comes the spring; yonsils hurt like everything.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

A friend in need s the one you dodge.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

The most praihc cause of spanking is the fact that dad had bad day at the office.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07
seIf-InlI,.,ed

The longest '-sentence" in th, world: T do:" fWhtn uttered at tn, sItarD
 Cop right Is24 Reproduction
 forhidden1.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

Cows have horns and sheep Have wool; Dentists have lot of pull.
New Britain herald., 1924-06-07

Motto of too many modern doc- tors: When in doubt, try hypo- dermic"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

Corps. 357th Observation Squadron, 38 officers, 165 men. Commander, Maj. James A. Meissner, Air Service. Med ical Detachment 357th> Observation Squadron, 10 officers, 5 men. Com mander, Lieut.. Col. James L. Miller, Dental Corps. Troop B." 504th Cav airy Squadron, officers, 120 men. Commander, Capt. Edwin Ryan, Cav airy. Company "B," 324th Motor Re- pair Battalion, Il officers, 297 men.
 Commander, Capt. James H. Dickson.
 Quartermaster Corps. Company "A" 313th Tank Battalion, 2 officers. 37
 men. Commander. Capt. John K. Fay Tor. Infantry. 504th Ordnance Com pany, II officers, 294 men. Com mander, Maj. William D. Hamilton, Ordnance. Medical Detachment, 5O4th
 Ordnance Company, l officer, 6, men.
 Commander, Capt. Sidney J. Vann, Medical Corps. 312th Ordnance Com pany, II officers, 294 men. Comman- der, Capt. William A. Chenoweth, In- fantry. Headquarters 5Sth Service Battalion (colored), 3 officers, white. Commander, Maj. T. S. Newtno, Quar- termaster Corps. Company A." 18th Service Battalion (oolored), 3 officers, white; 250 men. Commander, First Lieut.. B. D. Davis. Company "B, 18th Service Battalion (colored), 3 of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
|FARGROIJNDPARK'
 TO BE DISCUSSED
Stockholders Call Meeting On Project. For
 Thursday

It is expected that final plans for the development of the state fair grounds into all-year amusement park will b. discussed Thursday at 9 meeting of the security holders and directors of the Alabama State Fair association, called for the purpose of discussing the future of the property at Fairview. It has been officially announced heretofore by Robert A. Brown, president, that plans for the property contemplated the amusement park. An annual fair will be held beginning in 1925, and between seasons the permanent features will be for the public recreation.
 Quite few details of the change remain to be adjusted, it is believed, following which the owners will make plans to convert the properties into the amusement point.
 Because of the fact that no amuse- ment park is located nearer Birming- ham than East Lake, Edgewood and West Lake, it has been felt for some time that the state fair grounds would prove to be an exceptiqhal location. It is within easy reach of the industrial operations of many of the larger com panies and therefore near enough for the company employees. This IS said to have been one of the most attrective features of the plan as presented to executives of large companies.
 Establishment of the amusement park at Fairview will involve the expendi- ture of a large sum and the additions will add materially to the present prop erty values of nearby property, it is believed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

Infantry9 Officers, Al Men, 106th Observation Squadron, 36 Officers, 165 Men, Headquarters Troop, 23rd Caval- " Division Birmingham Sabers) 3 Officers, 146 Men.
 The Cavalry will detail a detach- ment as escort to the Honorable W. B.. Oliver and the 106th Observation Squadron will have airplanes in the air.
 End Section.
 R. o. T. c. and c. M. T. c.
 Lieut.. Colonel Robert NJ. Nolan. U. s. A. Commanding, Woodlawn Bat talion, R. o. T. C., Birmingham Bat talion R. o. T. c. Phillips High SchooD, Ensley Battalion, k. o. T. c. All c. NJ. T. c. students, this in cludes all boys of Jefferson County who have had either R. o. T. c. or c. M. T. c. Training, not part of other units. Boys of IS years of age, or older, should march with military units of the National Guard or Or ganized Reserves.
 3rd Section.
 (Organized Keserves.)
 Colonel John s. Seweii. 312th Engi- neers. Commanding, Captain Sterling A. Wood, Jr., U. s. Army, Chief of staff, Headquarters It. Col. N. A. Walpole. Ordnance, Artillery Headquarters, XIV Army Corps, 13 Officers, II Men. Con- mander: Major Lee Frazier Banks, Field Artillery, Engineer Headquarters, XIV Army Corps, 50 Officers IT Men, Commander: Major W. s. Winn, Engi- neers, Medical Headquarters, XIV, Army Corps, 80 Officers, 17 Men. uau Medical Corps, Headquarters Special Troops, XIV Army Corps, ? Officers, Commander: Lieut.. Col. William G. XIV Army Corps, ? Officers, Captain Albert c. Herzberg, Quartermaster Corps, Headquarters Company, XIV Commander, 2nd Lieut.. J. R. Gardner, try, Officers. Commander: Lieut.. Col. Company "A" 345th Infantry, Off cers, 200 Men, Captain Clarence L. Darby, Infantry, Headquarters Com Men, Commander :-Captain George Nc. A. Bragan, Infantry, Service Company, 345th Infantry, 6 Officers, 273 Men, SdPtdAh AOs " OOuI Infantry, Medical Detachment, 345th Infantry, II Officers, S7 Men, Com mander: Lieut.. Colonel Cabot Lull, Medical Corps, Detachment, Officers Signal Corps, Commander: Captain Hugh B. Craig, Signal Corps.
 Detachment Officers Coast Artillery Corps. Commander. Mai. James F. Eowron, Coast Artillery Corps. Med ical Detachment, 14th Army Corps. Special Troops, 13 officers, 70 men. Commander, Maj. Lochlin M. Winn, Medical Corps. Officers 334th Field Artillery. Commander, Lieut.. Col. Champion Harris, Field Artillery. Bat tery "B," 334th Field Artillery, off cers, 130 men. Commander, Second Lieut.. S. H. Frazier, Field Artillery. Medical Detachment, 334th Field Ar tillery. Commander, Capt. Charles A. Green, Dental Corps. Officers 344th Engineers. Commander, Maj. John s. Sirnit, Engineers. Company "B," Saith Engineers, 4 officers, 100 men. Com mander, Capt. S. H. Browne. Engi- neers. Medical Detachment, 334th En- gineers, 40 officers, 21 men. Com mander, First Lieut.. V. D. Lee, Dental Corps. Bakery Company No. 635, officers, 85 men. Commander, Second Lieut.. Wilbur Brady, Quartermaster
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

ficers,' white; 250 men. Commander, Capt. Robert T. Brown. Company "D." 5Sth Service Battalian (coloredl, 1, officers swhite 250 men. Con- mander, Second Lieut.. J. W. Morgan, @. M. 0. C.uiHeadquarters and Service Platoon, 18th Service Battalion (col- orde), l officer, white; g men. Com smander, Capt. J. L. Goodwin, Quarter master Corps. Medical Detachment, 18th Service Battalion (colored), 3 of ficers, white 21 men. Capt. Ebert P. Green, Medical Corps. Headquarters 498th Engineer Battalion Auxiliary (colored), 3 officers, white. Company Hilary (colored), officers, white, 250 Engineer. Company "B," 49Sth En- gineer Battalion Auxiliary (colored), 3 officers, white 250 men. Commander, Capt. H. H.. Warren. Company "D," 498th Battalion Auxiliary Engineer (colored), 3 officers, white; 25O men. Commander, Second Lieut.. George M. Keller. Headquarters and Service Pla- toon, 49Sth Engineer Auxiliary Bat talion (colored), officer, white; 37 men. Commander, Capt. T. c. Allen, Engineer. Medical Detachment, 49Sth Engineer Auxiliary Battalion (colored), 3 officers, white; 21 men. Comman- der, Capt. c. A. Terrell, Dental Corps.
 Assembly point for First Section (Alabama National Guard) will be at their respective armories, CT headquar-> ters, and they mobilize at Seventh street, head resting on Fifth avenue, facing north, by ? p. m.
 
 Assembly for Second Section fR. o. T. c. and c. NJ. T. CD will be at East park Sixth avenue and Twenty fourth street. at :45 p. m.
 Assembly point for Third Section (Organized Reserves) will be at West park Sixteenth and Seventeenth
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
DEATHS

Yrs. IT. J. Barnett-Funeral services for Mrs. 'T J. Barnett. 50, who dled Sat urday at the residence in Boyles will he held at o'clock Tuesday morning from St. Paul Catholic church. Burial will follow in Elmwood cemtery with Lige Loy in charge.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
IlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIjIiIII

usual distressing symptoms,- hot flashes, insomnia, etc, = and l am pleased to testify to the wonderful results obtained from the Vegetable to any woman and will be pleased to answer any inquiries that might be sent to me through the publication of my testimonial. "- Mrs. H. L. BRAD- FORD, 109 Armstead St., Phoebus, Va.
 Consider carefully Mrs. Bradford's letter. Her experience ought to help you. She mentions the trials of middle age and the wonderful results she ob- tained from Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg etable Compound.
 If you are suffering from nervous troubles, irritability, or if other an- moving symptoms appear and you are blue at times, you, should give the Vegetable Compound fair trial. For sale by druggists everywhere.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
Manhattan Days And Nights
By Herbert Corey

NEW YORK, Sept S.-Three o'clock morning 2 stories high Sleepless On side Central Park On the the intermittent glow from Broadways lights By this
 though the White Way fairly still Just and then axicab scuttng policeman swinging his club Walters
 home enjoying the fresh morning air after hours spent amid noisoe odo and dangling jazz Women walking though they really going somehere Not obtrusve nowadays these devils The they dare glance suddenly with from the corners of their Not like the nights few when hdeous procession paced single file down the cleared Just when the air had become pure sweet and had been wiped free of the enches of the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
HUGH LOCKE WINS
 WEEKLY CLUB PRIZE
Members Vote To Participate In
 Defense Day Parade

Judge Hugh A Locke received the at- tendance prize at the weekly luncheon of the Exchange club Monday at the Titwiler ball room. The prize was do- mated by Cliff Beasely.
 Discussion of the Nashville conveA- tion, to be held on September, g, 23, 24, occupied a part of the meeting, The club accepted the invitation of the Lehigh Portland Cement company to. have one of their future luncheons as guests of the plant, and will enlist as unit in the Headquarters com pany, of the Third Battalion of the Sixty-seventh Infantry for the after noon of National Defense Test day.
 The next meeting will feature an ad- dress by Dr. Allen Loehr, on Near East topics. Dr. Loehr has just returned from the Near East on a three months tour and his talk promises to be both educational and interesting.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

their streets and avenues until the pa. rade begins to move.
 Division commanders and aides are requested to be mounted.
 Civic and fraternai organizations will gather at their usual meeting places body.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

"Ph dying-dying," beloved lusty voice.
 From my window I could see an auto mobile stacked against lamp post, & motorcycle, and two policemen. One held something shining in his hands. Two of the hotel doormen, resplendent in blue and gold, watched from the pavement. Yet, although I read every edition of every paper, not line of the story appeared. The doormen said the three men in the automobile were stick-up guys, they thought.
 Not even triviality in this big town.
 At 3 o'clock violin sounds some- where in that dark area bounded by the great Hecksher building, rising in it's superb terraces in the new arcnitec- tural style. Classical music. So classical that at times it wearies me, and wish impatiently that the un- known fiddler would go to sleep. And then strains of the most delicious melodies, and I sit at the window, pipe in hand, and hope he will never stop. My omniscient friend the doorman is appealed to:
 I've forgot his name, now" said he in his faint brogue of County Clare. But he plays in a dance hall some where downtown"
 At o'clock in the morning he takes off the curse of jazz with Mendel- sohn and Liszt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
~ H! The joy of a peaceful. rest. " full night. What a wonderful

O full night. What a wonderful ''up and going'' feeling follows such Q night of undisturbed slumber.
 Oh! What tortures-what agony what d despair-goes with the nights where eczema and other skin diseases hold power and drive away rest and peaceful slumber. For under the cover of darkness like crafty beings of the under world these eruptions work their most serious havoc.
 S.S.S. is the established con. Queror of these annoying skin dis. eases. S.S.S. drives these ever dis turbing elements from your system elements that carry in their wake Jack of energy - undermining health! You may try in vain to get rid of them by using salves. lotions, washes, all to no purpose. You can't do it that way-the seat of the trouble lies deeper-impure blood trying to throw off poisons through the tender skin.
 S.S.S. purifies the blood. It aids Nature in creating new red-blood. cells by the million! Blood-cells that send new rich blood coursing through your system. Red blood that drives away eczema-drives away pimples, blackheads, boils and rheumatism, too. An increase in red-blood-cells means e added strength, added vitality and re. newed vigor. Because the medicinal ingredients of S.S.S. are purely vegetable, 1t may be taken with perfect safety. Start taking S.S.S. today and watch it rout,-that an. moving, skin destroying, health un- dermining army that holds your system in its grasp! Learn again what 1t means to enjoy peaceful, restful nights of slumber.
 0 S.S.S. is sold at all good drug
 stores in two sizes. The larger size MaA iS more economical
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09

One morning there was a crash in the street below. Three shots, followed by cries:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-09-09
FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Mrs. Bradford Recommended Lydia E.Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
Phoebus, Virginia. - Having this opportunity justcannot refrain from

C6 AlB d WOEu OA praise for the
 Lydia E. Pinkham
 medicines. 1 have used them as occa- sion required for twenty years, and my three sisters have also used them, and always with the most gratifying results. Duringthe Change of Life I had the