davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
Returns From Yale Glass Ballot


 Favorite Actress.-Roxie Stinson, 3S; Ce celia Cooney, 57 Queen Marie of Roumania 14; Ann Pennington, II; Ethel Barry. more, ,.
 Best. Actor.-Gaston B. Means, Al; the Four Marx Brothers, %; Lloyd George, 8; Smedley B. Butler, 5; Billy Sunday, 3 Rich ard Pierson Hobson, 2; W. J. Bryan, 11s. Favorite Writer.-Dr. Levermore, S6 Royal S. Copeland, %; Dorothy Dix, II l; Pro Bono Publico, z; Old Subscriber, G; Taxpayer, 4; Constant Reader, 2. Favorite Telegrapher-''The Duck" 77; Apricot" 9; Cherries" 4.
 Best All-Around Athlete. - Prince of Wales. ''(Nobody dissenting).
 Favorite Type of Auto.-Cosed, 265 open, O.
 Most Hated Words in English Language. No parking" 163; ''Only Two-Step and Waltz Allowed" &. "t Most Admired Literary Work of Year. Should She Invite Him Into the House T' 6S; How to Keep We'll" 34 "You Remem- Der Mir. Addison Sims of Seattle" 27; Would She Order Chicken Salad" II. Easiest Study in Callege Course.-Blondes. Hardest Study.-Chaperones.
 Additional Tabulations.-Sixty-sev stu dents prefer soft shirts to hard, 42 do not think broiled shad is worth the time and ef-
  % consider apple sauce inferior to straw berries as a permanent dressing for white flannel trousers, 54 admire Marillyn Miller more than Swiss Family Robinson and S5 consider the Duncan Sisters more interesting than Kipling. t.
 VaSSar Returns
 Greatest American in History Valentino, 254; George Washington, 2; Ab- raham Lincoln. 1.
 Man Who Has Done Nose for Civiliza- tion.-Paul Poiret, 21S; Paul Whiteman, IFS; Thomas Edison, l.
 Favorite Outdoor Sport-Count Won Salm, 152
 Favorite Character in Fiction.-The Bar Der of Seville.
 Favorite Prose Writer.-Mr. A. B. See. Remarks: One hundred and ninety three girls roll their stockings, 75 think lipsticks more important than Greek, 69 prefer Prince ton men to geometry, Al like motoring at night better than Gray's- Elegy, B consider a nice boy more stimulating 4than chemistry.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
RESTORING ART TREASURES

The donation of million dollars by John D. Rockefeller, Jr, for restoration of the roof of the Rheims cathedral, the gardens and fountains at the palace of Versailles, and the gardens at Fontaine- bleau, means more than would appear on the surface. As MT. Rockefeller says, these treasures are the worlds greatest artistic patrfmony. Not only will the people of France be benefited by this gift, but it will be shared in by travellers and tourists from all over the world, and especially by art and architectural
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
ART IN MOTOR RACING

Whatever may be said of the reckless ness of auto racers who take their lives into their hands and defy danger to make speed records, their determination, grit, enthusiasm and application to a severe task cannot be questioned. It takes skill and nerve to drive a car at the rate of a hundred miles an hour. No one without a clear head, a keen eye, a knowledge of his machine and the ca pacity to think fast and act quickly need undertake such task. There is science, too, in operating car under such con- ditions, and technical knowledge is fast brought into play. To some, such con tests may seem foolhardy; to others the mechanical tests lead to many useful improvements and developments in the construction of motor vehicles and in the possible service to which they may be put.
 It is a matter of local interest that the contestant who ran second in the big -hundred-mile grind at Indian apolis, and for more than half the dis tance led the twenty-four entries, was a Birmingham man. He probably would have finished first, but for two delays at the pits. His performance was re- garded as remarkable, and he showed what can be accomplished without mis- hap when skill and nerve are combined in a determination to win.
 Birmingham has furnished many celeb rites in various fields of endeavor, in- cluding those of industrial development, invention, literature and statesmanship. Now Birmingham man shows up near the front of the nations highest achieve ment in the art of handling a motor car under the most gruelling conditions. Call it what you may, but there is an art in motor racing, as well as in writing a noern ar paintinp a picture
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Readers are requested to contribute: All humor, epigrams tor humorous mot toes), jokes, anecdotes, poetry, burlesque, satires and bright sayings of children must be original and unpublished. Ac- cepted material will be paid for at schedv ule rates, which will be furnished on ap- plication. All manuscripts must be writ ten on one side of the paper only, should bear the name of this newspaper, and should be addressed to the Fun Shop, care e-Herald. Unaccepted contribu- tions cannot be returned.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
zky M FUN 8RAH HER@I SHOP.
 %z4XSON Fy1xz4Lk .JZl1kZk
The Morning Mail
(By George S. Chappell)
rN1XH4Lk IIInkZk

(By George S. ChappelD Each morning on my desk find My mail in neat array, And each and every time my mind Says, Well, what's new today?"> Some fascinating thing see
 In every envelope: A fortune, hap'ly, waits for me, At least that's what hope. This one, for instance, seems to be Addressed by some fair dame, Who, having cast her eyes on me, Now burns with loves bright flame, But when the contents I explore, All set to find a thrill, The billet-doux I'm looking for Turns out to be a bill. Some envelopes quite regal are
 As if sent by king, And then disclose a circular
 For bricks or some such thing. But what completes my total wreck And leaves me all forlorn Is, when think I've got check, To read You're OverdFawn."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
SHORT.TIM LOAN

Jim, lend me five-spot for a moment only for a moment"
 Quite sure you only want it for a mo ment."
 "All right. Wait moment, and then you won't want it."-The Progressive Grocer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
NOT PROGREssIYE ENOuGH

How did Simpkins happen to make a failure of that drug store he opened?"
 He was too conservative; he refused to carry a stock of automobile accessories, lingerie, Venetian glassware or structural steel bridges.-New York Sun.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

It is accumulated spending power that takes up the slack during periods that otherwise would be marked by deep de- pression. As long as the majority of people have money on deposit or in savings deposits it will be almost impos- sible for panic to strike this country. For the merchants, possession of draw ing or savings accounts by the people means a cash business, or else accounts that are promptly paid at maturity Merchants whose expense of collection are heavy realize what more general adoption of the thrift habit by the peo- pie means to the overhead. It means reduction of the cost of merchandising. As the thrift habit grows, so does the general prosperity grow. And not only does it grow, but it is planted on almost
 substantial foundation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
A TRUE ECONOMIST

"Auntie. won't you please wash my face:"
 Why, Robert, cant you do that yOuself?" said his aunt
 "Oh, yes, can." was the reply. but I'll have to wet my hands and they don't need it''-Boston Transcript.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Two hundred thousand dollars have been authorized by New York officials to entertain the Democrats at the na- tional convention. That will probably amount to interest on the money spent in Gotham by those attending the big DOW-WOw
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Henry Ford's sound business judgment is again emphasized by an order for two thousand tons of structural steel shapes he recently placed in Birmingham.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Around-the-world aviators are not ex- pected to sojourn in those foreign cities long enough to learn how to pronounce the names.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Distinguished orators who address large classes of sweet girl graduates need not be surprised if they attract no more interest than the groom who leads the June bride to the altar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

There has been no confirmation of the report that Senator Pat Harrison is writing his keynote speech on asbestos paper.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
GnM Idea

Blake: Since my wife learned Nah Jong, she's developed a craze for doing everything Chinese"
 Drake: 'I wish my wife would learn that game. Then maybe she'd wash my shirts. - Paul s. Powers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
THE AGE-HERA ALD


Entered at Birmingham. Ala, post office as second class matter. act of Congress March 1S7s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Senator Lodge also seems to have mastered the art of keeping the public guessing what he thinks from what he says.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

A scientist declares that oil will re- move warts. Its effects upon political excrescenses have already been demon- strated
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

It looks as if the Cleveland steam roller will be guided by radio device at Washington.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
Sweet Sorrow

Look in my eyes, dear man" cried, Look in my eyes and see The secret, lying buried inside; Read it and, tell it to me-" .4. He looked in my eyes, that best of men, o moment fain would have missed, He looked in my eyes, and charged me ten, For he was my oculist.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02
IntuhlOn!

Little Mary did not like to wash her face.
 Her mother tried to coax her on by eK- plaining that ladies were coming and would kiss her if she looked clean.
 Later, seeing her father washing his face, Mary said: Daddy, I know why you're washing !'-Mrs Lily Karesh.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Ideally Qualified Music Writer (meeting friend) "Where were you born?"
 Friend: New York; Music Writer: Ever been South?" Friend: "No." Music Writer: Any of your family ever been South?"
 Friend: :No." Music Writer: Fine! Come upstairs and write the words for a song on Dixie"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

If the choice were left to me- whether to have free press or a free government 1 would choose a free press.-ThOmas Jefferson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

MEMBER OF ASSOCIATED PREsS-The As- socfated Press Is exclusively entitled to the use for publication of all news dispatches credited to it. or not otherwise credited in this paper and also local news published therein. All rights of republication of special dispatches also rec served
 Telephone (private branch exchange conneots Ing all departmental Main 4s00.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Dr. Walter E.. Traproek, the noted trav- eler, caughtsa heavy cold over the weekend, and was unable to finish his reply to Seth WOskins' letter. He promises to have some kind of an answer next week.-Ed. The Fun Shop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

NEWS BOREAUS-Washington,6 800 Davidson Building: State Capital, Montgomery Journal Building; Tennessee Valley. Decatur Daily Building; Tuscaloosa, News Building: Jasper. Mountain Eagle Building: Anniston. Star Build ing; Gadsden Journal Building; Muscle Shoals. TTi-Cities Daily Building.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

q SUBSCRIPTION RATES-By mail, payable in advance. in United States and Canada: Daily and Sunday, one gear $500: six months. $4oo: three months, $2.26; one month. S5c. Daily only: One year. $6.50; six months, $326: three months, sI75; one month. 75c. Sunday only: One year, e260; six months, $1.5o; three months, 76c; one month. 25c.
 By carrier, where carrier delivery Is main- tained 2oc per week. s5c per month.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Send the 'LiOn" to His "Den" A hungry husband is hard to please. - If his steak is raw, it. makes him burn 1; and if it's burnt, it makes him roar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

The Mobile Rum TriaI.-This stink that has come out of the Mobile investigation of prohibition violations has been attracting a good deal of attention, but like many other investigations much has been left out that the public does not know about. The govern ment agents in working up the testimony evidently took means to secure evidence that might be uncommon.--Dothan Eagle.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Good Roads Add to Farm Values.-Every effort made ito build better roads in the state should have the hearty cooperation of all the people, Nothing adds more to the value of farm lands or brings people closer together than the building of good roads. They are most valuable asset to any coun- ty or state, and the more of them we have, the more valuable is the property along the highways.-Huntsville Star.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

Farmers Hard at Work.-Farmers are at work with a will, though the unfayorable weather conditions have made it difficult to get any sort of stand of cotton in this sec tion of the state.-Tallapoosa News.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-06-02

MissiSsippTS Uninstructed DolegatIOn.- Mississippi will send an uninstrueted delega- tion to the national Democratic convention. An uninstructed group of delegates, like an unattached maiden in the matrimonial pre- serve, awakens- more zest and curiosity and enthusiasm than one that is encountered and labeled with special ownership.-Selma Times-J Journal.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
SEEK OIL IN
FAR NORTH
Biologists TO Search Arctic
WiIdS

WASHINGTON. March is.-In
the near future little party Of
American explorers. dispatched by
tho geological survey. win plunge
into tho frozen. treoloNs barrena OF
Northern ALASKA, 10 chart the navy's
greatest petroleum reserve.
Valuable mineral deposits. especial.
ly coal and oil. arc believed TO exist
in Northern Alaska. and a great tract
has been net aside for tho use OF the
navy But until this survey In made
no ono knows in what quantity oil
exists or even how Il may DO with.
drawn.
Some OF tho region along the north.
ern coast has already been explored.
This expedition VIII enter II from the
south after hundreds OF mllea OF
transportation OF men and supplies
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14

by doEalod The party plans TO be
well Into the area before tho SNOW
melts. WIN tho coming Of summer
the party win 6Dlit IN two ana each
division will descend the Meade and
Chip rivers. respectively 10 the
coast near Point harrow
The technical members n the party
Who win explore tho naval reserve
ARE pbllip Smith. RcoloRist ln charge.
~ r. Mertio aud William =. ForBn,
geoloFistn. Gerald Fitzgerald and H.
X. Lynt topographic engineers. and
several assistants.
chief among The difficulties the
party expects 20 encounter ln the laos
of fuel The expedition viii plunge
into the arctic barrens called By the
Indians the land of little sticks" be.
cause tho trees arc stunted By the
cold, aud VIII proceed beyond 30 the
region whore no vegetation grows 10
tho Aizo Of n lead pencil.
For fuel tho party win take kero.
aene. with the spring thaw tho sur.
yeyors viii DO confronted with the
fresh difficulties OF bottomless
swamps and myriads OF gnats and
mosquitoes.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14

When ! came to s,udy tho estate
tax carried In the bill. I saii 10 my.
self. by gum Here Ia ono tax We
are all going 10 ba able to get 10.
gether on said. In the first
place, this Is a tar unlike all these
other taxes, unliks the high Rurtax.
mo taxpayer cannot pass Il on" /
said, Hero u ono tax. thank the
Lord. that the tax dodgers cannot
pass on. because there IL no pocket
IN shropd'; there IL no place in
the grave where deceased persons
can pass this estate on 20 somebody
Connally OBJ. Texas.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14

Photo
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
IN CII0Rrs

Three thousand golfers in Amer
lea have made a hole IN one. but
luckily YOU don't have Co listen TO
all N them toll about n nj once,
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
MURRAY

A war has broken out In the
ranks Of amateur billiards. thus
proving that wars are not at all
particular where they break out.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
WELL. SAY

The alxday bicycle racers nrH
celebrating a silver jubilee this
month. what lot of brass
they have.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
IIONEsT

40 Lombard college. IN Illinois.
tennis II compulsory Maybe
that explains why people play II.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14

MIR. VANDERBILT eays hc b glad
he has been sued. and, apparently,
the pleasure ir not alI bis.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1924-03-14
TO WHAT

Count saim win represent Aus
tria in the olympic tennis events
II this win be OF any interest TO his
creditors
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23
%gEzg4g|IS3s|@n34.a
HOW Do ANIMALS TELL TIME2

turn UP, he made no mistake
after that, but appeared prompt
" as we sat down to the table.
How under the sun did he
know that we eat our lunch
earlier" asked Boooy.
That never can tell you,n
laughed. But how under the
sun do animals know about time
anyway So many animals do
certain things at certain times.
Tell me about it. Bunny"
OF 9cGsrse. could. carry a
watch would prefer a wrist
watch. but my wrist it too slip.
perry, But l, will tell you what
many scientists think and / sup
pose it is so. We animals seem
to understand the position Of the
sun-kind Of sundials you know,
only we aren't marked by the
shadows, but we feel by the heat
Of the rays just about what time
1t is"
That frog is certainly able to
tell time" murmured, getting
sup to give him bit Of beefsteak.
tCopyrisht, 1924, BY international
Feature Service, Inc.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23
.THOUGHTLESS PARENTS
Don't Forget That 4 ChiId's Flesh Is
Tender, It's Legs Are Short and
Its Endurance Is Slight.

remind them that = childB flesh
IS tender. that it legs are short
ard thai its endurance is slight
The two children that have,
just written about win have sore
muscles and sore joints tomorrow
morning. When they move or
are moved they win cry. Their
ignorant and uufeeling parents.
seeing nothing the matter, will
probably give them q good shak
ing" or a good spanking" for
being cross
Permanent damage has been
done to many child by this lack
Of consideration, to call It by its
miIdest name
/ was once summoned to reduce
a dislocation Of the shoulder
joint that had been caused in a
small child by precisely this
dragging process,
One would think ordinary par.
entail instinct would be a suffi-
cient protection to children. When
it is not. and education fails, we
fortunately have laws. 1t is the
duty Of every person to be
vigilance committee Of one to
see that they are enforced.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23
WHEN IN
DOUBT
A Supper limitation.
BY Cornelius Beekman-

"A supper mutation.
nEAR MRS. BEECKMAN:
~ II a sister who is going
to. be married has married sis
ter as bridesmaid and her
fiance has his married brother
as best man, is it proper for
these two married people to
escort the bride and groom to
a, supper and theater, without
the husband and wife, belonging
to them, present? MRS. E. F.
Mo. This would not be a gra-
~ cious or pleasant thing for
the bride and groom to do. They
should invite the wife and hus-
band to supper and the theater.
Such a social occasion differs
from the ceremony itself. In the
ceremony itself, it is perfectly
correct for the husband to be
best man without having the
bride ask the wife to be matron
Of honor. And it is perfectly
correct for the sister to be ma.
tron Of honor without having the
groom invite her husband to be
best man. But, after the cere-
mony. any festivity that Is plan.
ned. should include the ''respec-
tive" husband and wife.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23

~ WAS just starting my soup
when I looked up on the
window sill Of the dining
room window, and what do you
think l saw sitting there and
blinking his eyes at me?
A fat green frog,
Good day, froggy," ehuckled.
Bobby and Bunny both bristled
with excitement.
Bobby, boylike, and being very
inquisitive naturally, started to
get up from his chair to walk
over and examine our new visitor.
Bunny quickly said:
Don't, Bobby, you might
brighten him away"
Bobby took the suggestion kind
ly and kept his seat at the table.
There sat the frog as quiet as
frog can be. lie looked like
Nchina frog l once saw when. L
was young-he was that quiet.
Suddenly he shot his long tongue
and gobbled up a fly which buzzed
into, the window.
Guess he's hungry" suggested
Bunny.
Let's give him something to
eat" said Bobby.
Good idea" agreed Bunny. "I'm
sure he viii appreciate It,"
So Bobby took some small. pieces
of meat from his plate, walked
quietly over and laid them on
the window sill lust as the frog
leaped off the sill.
Never mind" said Bunny. "If'
know anything. he'll be back"
Bunny was right. 1t wasn't
three minutes until the frog
leaped up on the sill and with
his long tongue gobbled up the
tasty tid-bits which Bobby had
placed there for kim.
Now imagine our surprise when
the next day. at the very same
time up hoped the frog on the
sill, and this time when Bobby
took him over his lunch he didn't
jump away. Then it was no time
until he was eating out Of Bob.
by's hand.
There came a time when, to
please Mary, the cook, we had
lunch a half hour earlier.
Naturally the frog did not
know this change in our house
hold and when we sat down to
lunch we spoke Of how much
we missed our funny little friend
who always sat on the window
sill and waited for his lunch, too.
However, he was only missing
for two days and when he did
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23

- lnlSs ne = 49, -
demanded Indignantly.
Yours, / presume. But tflat
child is not yours to abuse In
that way. And il you had that
right you have no right TO out.
rage my feelings by your exhi-
bition Of cruelty!"
That's right, sirr' broke in
benevolent faced woman. i've
been wanting to say that to him
for the last four blocks. I've
followed him, and the way he
drags that child is enough to
pull its arm out.
The crowd had gathered by this
time. 1t scowled. The man zee
ing his plight. said "oh. ali right"
and picked up the child.
I'm go along and see that he
keeps on carrying it," said the
benevolent faced woman.
Within two blocks Of the same
place / encountered a woman
leading one child Of about four
and dragging along a screaming
infant OF less than half that age.
The little child was stretching
it's tiny legs in its painful efforts
to keep up. / was cut off from
her by the traffic, but I could see
her half-block of stiIl dragging
the screaming martyr.
That's why I'm all ''het up"
and "have taken my pen in hand"
to let this type Of parents know
what / and many others think of
them-and why!
1t ought not to be necessary to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-12-23
Anew Novel Of Modern Life, Centered
on the Heart and the Mind
of the ''FIapper.'

love and tenderness and many.
many regrets.
Did She remember Z that night
and the dawn that came up faint.
" like far-off silver bellsY And
the sweet immortal beauty Of
their first, first kiss?
For a long while Nora Lee
lost herself in these memories
and in the images OF, the bronzed
young, face that had such a win
ming Tilt about it. When he
played the violin and she had
so often thought Of. she curly
haired little fellow running to
them down beam Of light, And
that first night at the dance
when he came to her with such
a lordly young swagger when
he caught her hand to say i'm
pulsively: Gee, what sweet.
kid" She recalled her cold,
empty dismay when the gong
sounded; Visitors OFF, that
time he went away. He had
his arms full of bundles and
grips. They looked at each other.
Then he grinned and said, Gee
Gee 7well. geel'' They had
well. gee!'' They had meant to
kiss each other then. They had
loved from the very beginning
Thinking THIS she forgot the
intervening years. She sat down
at the desk and began to write
swiftly warm impulsive an.
swer-
(To Be Continued Tomorrow