davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

To build a telephone booth: Get:
Q cracker box. Reduce in size
leaving enough room for instru-
ment and nickels. (Some tele.
phone booth engineers establish
connection with central. This is
q detail as connection does not
mean communication
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
TWAS EVER
THUS

Don't pay any attention to the
chaperone at a dance and she
will bIacken your character at
every opportunity thereafter. Ask
her to dance and you will be
stuck with her for the rest of the
evening.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

New felt hats will be the same
as those worn ten years ago.
This. will be a tough break for
men who were finally prevailed
upon to throw away their 1914
models last year.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Loan money to a friend and
he'll make it weekly perform
ance. Refuse him and he'll pass
the word around that you are a
tightwad.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

With a girl who is fond 81
birds. offer to take her to the
Canary Islands for honeymoon
trip.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Gee, Madge, you roll your
eyes too cute for anything--why
don't you go into the movies? BY
the way, it's hot in here; let's sit
out on the balcony for a while"
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

How to be happy though mar
ried: When the wife says a wom-
en- is Beautiful be sure to dis
agree with her.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

> With telephone operator,
communicate with your other
sweethearts by telegraph only.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
WHEN IN LOVE

With a girl who puts up the
old. stall about wanting you TO re-
gard her with brotherly love. tell
her, to move to Philadelphia. :.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

With girl who is crazy about
cubist art, buy her a pair of dice.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Eddy Kett says you can tell a
lot from finger prints on the soup
plate.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
SOFT SOAP

SORRY to disturb you, Jim, but
the boys told me you knew more
about automobile engines than
any man in town, and 1 wondered
If you would take look at my
carburetor-I seem to have the.
wrong mixture"
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
RECIPES

How to be a model father: Let
your child look at the comic Sec
ton first.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

How to reduce: Buy a, second
hand flivver.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

To keep away the bill collec-
Cor: Hang sign on door reading,
Measles, Smallpox and Heebie
Jeebies."
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Keenie Femme wonders how the
angels get their Sunday dress over
their wings.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Vernon, the Bolsheviki mouse.
has fallen in love with a cute lit
tie roden. Vernon says his
sweetie is the limburger cheese Of
his eye.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Sandy Hughes got a new gold
tooth and now he wont talk to
anybody and sleeps with his head
In the safe.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
BLISSFUL
MOMENTS


When you went to your first
fraternity dance in your FIRST
evening dress.
When the cook who had in
formed you she was to be mar
Fied announced her engagement
TO the iceman was "all off,"
When you came in and saw
the gas bill on the mantelpiecs
and it turned out TO be last
months bill.
When the press agent gave
Pop free tickets for the circus.
When the boss called you a
''go-getter."
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Arabella, the circus fat lady;
has signed a lease for an apart
ment on the ground floor. She
promises in the contract never to
go above the first floor.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Hickory Hoople has got a new
9et.rich-quick scheme. He's col
lecting old needles and filling up
their eyes. Then he sells EN- for
pins.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24

Pop Bulbus, the well.known
hootch trainer. says they've taken
the bar out of the Ship Of State
and put in an oil well.
The Washington times., 1924-05-24
TALK OF THE
TOWN
BY Dave Sentner.

MARTIN, the moth. was dele
Iva gate to the spring convention
of the moths. which was held in
. brown fur coat in the north
closet. He reports the eating err
engagements were magnificent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
COMMISSIONS RESPONSIBILITY

Although the grand Jury report ap- rropriately censured the member of the city commission who improperly leapeo to the verbal defense of those accused 0f shortages in handling the city finances, yet it appears that the grand jury failed to emphasize that, in the final event, the entire city commission must bear the flame for the delay in proceeding to clean Up this situation. The commissioner in charge of finances is merely the agent of the commission. The commission may delegate the duty but not the ultimate responsibility. Whenever there is reason to believe that the commissioner in charge of finances, or any other commissioner, Is derelic- in his duty or is neglecting es- sential features Tn his department, then It
 immediately devolves upon the commis sion to rectify the wrong. The commis- sion cannot escape share in the derelic- t;on when it allows long delay 10 elapse between discovery of wrong condition and it's remedy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
ENDURING COPPER

In 1883 the old French soop Natalie. manned by crew of Mexican smugglers, was wrecked off Monterey, Cal, in heavy storm. In 1915 Napoleon had escaped on it from exile on the island of Elba. Recently part of it was exposed by the tides, for the third time in twenty-five years. II. J. Leppert, q blacksmith. got some men together and sal vaSed as much of the vessel as possible,
 The above is of some general historical interest. possibly. Of more concern to us is the fact that her timbers were fastened to- gether with copper bolts. These copper bolts. after more than a century oi use. after ninety one years ill the sea, were in perfect condition
 One of our chief products in the southwest is copper. Buy copper for permanency-El Paso Herald.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
DUTY TO SERVE AS JUROR

A local judge recently asserted that reluctance of business men to serve on juries is one of the greatest meaaces to cur free institutions, and added plea to those who were summoned for jury duty Curing the week not to make excuses unless they had other than business req sons for not wishing to serve. He de- clared that it is as much the duty o} men of affairs and intelligence to serve on iuries as to serve as soldiers in time of war.
 That men who serve on juries are pro- tecting their property and their lives, as the judge contended, is true. There is pr p1otection to neither life nor property when substantial citizens wriggle out of jury service on all kinds of pretexts. When the jury function is performed by what are known as professional jurors men who have no interest in the ad- rainistration of justice, but time-servers who consider only what such service means to them in selfish ways-justlce receives little consideration, and the pub lie welfare suffers accordingly. Under such conditions pictures of justice bal ancing the scales are a delusion and a snare.
 Every citizen of intelligence aid char acter mas an interest III proper duWlH- istration of justice, whether he imaglnes tat it directly affects his affairs or not. NThe more such citizens neglect this civlc Guty, the more they suffer from mal- administration in public affairs. So long as those who have direct interest in the administration of justice fail to perform their duties in the capacity of jurors, they need expect little improvement in civic conditions or in the establishment of higher standards of public life.
 If there is any man who owes it to his community to serve on the jury, it is the cne who can be relied on to give an in telligent and honest verdict in the trial court. His qualifications for such serv- ice render him a source of protection against injustice, lawlesSncss and chaos in all of which he himself and his in terests vii, share according to his will ingness or failure to perform this public f.utV
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
Same Old Fight

Hungary seems to be destined to become for the second time in decade, the battle ground of the forces of liberalism and black reaction. In the first encounter liberalism was supplanted by Bella Kuhn's soviet re public, in the second clash now impending the opposition is composed of nationalist or ganizations known as 1.-The Awakening Mag vars" and The Court of Blood" The regent of Hungary, Admiral Horthy, is said to De closely allied with the organizations and his actions in the past have stamped him as one of the greatest foes of independent thought and political freedom in Europe. The situa- tion was brought to a climax recently through the political murder of several members of the Democratic club The indicted nationalists defied the court and greeted the counts enumerated by the prosecutor with shouts of derision and laughter Yet they are, like their spiritual kinsmen, the superpatriots in Italy and Spain, the salt of the earth, the quintessence of civilization in their own eyes, who forever prate of law and order but who do not hesitate in reality to set back the clock of progress by their utter disregard of parlia- mentary and civilized procedure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
GERMANY BLUNDERs AGAIN

German political good faith, ever in .oubt since the invasion of Belgium ln contravention of formal covenants, Is gain the issue in the recent report oI
 he allied military commission that Ger many is making arms and munitions ln ;xcess of the Versailles stlpulations to Hhich Germany is pledged. and is main
 aiming troops at a strength far greater Ian agreed as the maximum. It is al-
 eady evident that the withdrawal of al
 jed troops will be deferred until the sit lation is carefully considered. Germany vll suffer in the long run more than any .ody else from violation of her agree nlents. The doubt of German political good faith will exist long after sub stantial reason for it will have disap- peared. No nation can afford such a stigma
 Although the plan of German rehabill- tation has been commonly referred to as calculated to restore Germany to an eca- homie stability, it should lot be over looked that the economic welfare of the world and not of Germany was the prl- Nary motive inspiring the plan. It IS known that the destruction of German currency was deliberate and unnecessary, mother evidence of political bad faith. I his IS further supported by the fact that, while France was appropriating fifty-slx
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
Return Of mpierialism

Dr. Samuel Zwemer, greatest living authority on Islam and linguist of extraor- dinary range. is of the opinion that Brit ain committed a grave blunder in dealing with the trouble in Egypt and the Soudan in a wholly imperialistic manner. There were other ways open, but they were disre- garded," he said. ''It seems apparent that under the new tory administration there is to be revival of the imperialist policy of pre-war days, which made England and her foreign policy the object of universal sus- picion. If this policy is actually revived one need not be surprised, for in the Bald win cabinet are two sons of the arch-impe- rialist of British history, Jaseph Chamber lain. Chamberlain in his days of glory fought tooth and nail against what he termed Little Englandsm." And yet it cannot be denel that his policy has proven to be a stimulus toward greater civilization of many backward races.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
Americanisms In Russia

The people of Russia, who are ardent ad- mirers of the United States, and thls ap- plies to peasants and high soviet officials as well, have coined two new phrases. When they want to urge greater speed or greater efficiency in a certain matter, they do not shout: Hurry up" or "get move on," but use the words "Amerikan, Amerikan' America to them is the acme of modern, up to-date methods of efficiency. A recent vlsl- tor to Russia, Dr. A. A. Johnson of New York. says nearly every village and hamlet has it's government radio receiving. station. An ex-soldier of Trotsky's red divisions, IS in charge At certain set times the soldier places huge bulletin boards outside his radIo I shop and the peasants gather around; lie then reads the news. Professor Johnson said that it struck him as nothing short Of amazing to hear Russian mouzjiks talk with American oil scandal and from their knowl- edge of this affair they have coined the phrase: You are smeared with oil," when ever they want to denounce certain commu- mist officials, who are trying to get by with a little honest graft on the side.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
THE BUSINESS EXPANSION

It is heartening to business to note the improvement indicated by the baro- meter carried in The Age Herald from day to day One of the recent charts showed marked expansion over the dec ord of last year in nine of the eleven general trends given. They included such comparisons as bank clearings, mail order sales, car loadings, wholesale prices, iron output, the building indus try and retail sales, and ranged from five per cent. in car loadings to seven- teen per cent. in the iron output.
 The increased efficiency with which the steel industry is now operating is given as an explanation of decline in the untitled orders as compared with the record of the previous year. It has hence been largely an apparent, rather than a real, slump in the industry. Orders are executed at greater speed than year ago, and the~n is a consequent efficiency in operation which reduces accumulation in the volume of business booked. The decline in automobile production as com pared with that of a year ago should be considered in the light of the fact that at that time the industry was enjoying an unprecedented period of prosperity which could hardly be expected to be
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
STUBBORN IN DISILLUSIONMENT,

Emma Goldman, anarchist and vehe- ment agitator, has proved that the best cure for bolshevism is Bolshevism. A trial of the regime she advocated in this country before her deportation has dis illusioned her and made her desperately nomesick for America. Having had a taste of the cataclysm into which she would have plunged America, no land seems more dear to her than this one of calm, of orderliness, of law, of individual freedom, of industry and of plenty.
 To be sure, she still speaks in the argot of her associations, for she knows no other. She still breaches that anarchy does not mean violence, but simply ab- sence of government, in which individuals rule themselves. According to her, it is not government, but industrial and cultural effort that holds any country together" The trouble is that she has hypnotised herself into the settled and unalterable fallacy that the individual is always normal and capable. Even her Russian experience has not knocked that idea out of her, so she may be safely regarded as hopelessly committed to it. She fails to perceive that what we call government is but the pledge and the matrix of that industrial and cultural effort" of which she speaks. Doubtless Emma Goldman is mentally and emo tionally abnormal, and for that there seems neither cure nor relief on this earth. She is only to be pitied.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
ENLARGING HILLMAN HOSPITAL

Another step on behalf of public health improvement in this community will be taken by the county authorities early next year, according to announce ments, when the addition to the Hillman hospital will be started. The Jefferson county medical fraternity is largely re- sLonsible for this constructive undertaK- ing. The doctors worked faithfully and Lnselfishly for this project. They recog- nized it's constant needs in their practice, and hammered at the proposition until the people were aroused to the necessity of providing larger hospital facilities to meet the constantly growing demands, snd voted a five hundred thousand dol lar bond issue for this purpose.
 It is proposed to double the capacity of the hospital. The public health con- ditions affect everybody in the com munity. Let no one imagine that because he can afford to meet hospital charges ke is entirely protected. An epidemic of contagious or infectious disease will soon demonstrate that he is not A large per centage of the diseases are earned into homes of the well-to-do by those who are less fortunate in this worlds goods Many a case of smallpox is contracted by those to whom the cost of hospital attention is of no object. And so with tuperculosis and various other maladies.
 Thus, the value of public health pro- lection affects everyone in any com runity, and demands the most efficient administrative ability of the public au- thorities. It is believed that the proposed addition to the Hillman hospital will do much to improve the health of the county, and that the investment will prove wise ard practical with every promise of valued returns. Especially will this be true if the enterprise is properly admin istered The better that is done the greater the returns, and it should be matter of public moment that the most efficient service in this respect that it IS possible to give should be rendered. The health and welfare of this great and growing community depend in measure upon the record that shall be made by the Hillman hospital.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
The Right Word
FULL PUBLICITY Nin.1 &l.a II
By W. CURTIS NICHOLSON

The policy that '"The Right Word" has adopted from the beginning is to give each reader the freedom of this column whenever he has words either of approval or condemna. ton. Followers of the column have mn. doubtedly observed the manifestation of this spirit. -'
 Now one, John Hilary of New York City. expresses his opinion in firm language. A portion of his communication is herewith pub ilshed and answered today. The balance will De covered tomorrow. He writes as follows ::
 One IS driven to protest against the de- trImental influence which your article must have upon the poorly educated
 Tn your discussion of w. J. Cumiskey's letter. when you cease quoting him, you act uaAy claim his use of none but T. to be in- correct! My dear good man, if you are writ Ing these articles to create errors in what little mind the public has, then indeed I have no argument for you!
 But" if you are serious and cannot strengthen yourself out with the use of gram matlcal rules, then try simple logic.
 Tn our nursery when we could not get quite clear about a use of this rule or that. our nurse would make it logical thus: Who knew about the committee?' I knew about It. Who else knew about it?' None knew but l. Hence, None, but I, knew, etc."
 Reply
 Maintain is preferable to claim, and public should be followed by have, not has, in the foregoing letter.
 Also, that should replace which in the first sentence; as, influence that your article.
 Limited space does not allow of answering Mr. Hillary today. The reply will be found m tomorrow's instalment. Mir. Hilary will be answered from the standpoint of both grammatical rules and logic
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
ANOTHER KIND OF GIRL

There's another kind of girl who wins a prize outside of the beauty contest. She is the country girl who during the early fall and spring cultivates her little garden ill which is growing the best of tomatoes, beans and corn, When the harvest is completed she rolls up her sleeves and cans enough of the produce to last the family through the winter, saving the best for the county fair, and she generally wins prize for her efforts. If she does not she is not in the least bit discOur- aged, but repeats the operation another year, Being busy helping her mother in the kitchen she finds no time to study the latest in hair bobs. face rouge or beaver hats. Shes only an ordinary country girl, but she can give her city sisters many pointer what it takes to make a happy home-Florida Times Union.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
Watching The Parade
THIS is funny one. The gentleman,
By JOHN PILGRIM
soldiers who are at the head of the

i1io IS a funny one. The gentlemanly
 soldiers who are at the head of the
 Bonus Bureau in Washington insist that the applicants for the bonus not merely sign their applications, but put the stamp of their finger-prlnts on the paper. Otherwise the wrong man might get the money.
 Every soldier had to put his finger-prints on his original enlistment papers," they say. Just as the Chinese did who were enlisted for labor battalions by the British. One Chinese looks very much like the next Chinese to the right, and all Chinese names souno more or less alike to Occidental ears. But the finger-prints show.''
 But when one soldier was confronted with this demand he went high in the air.
 I'll not give the police any trouble if I go wrong," he wrote, haughtily. I'll do so many things that they will have no trouble In finding me. The first thing I'll do will be to loot the U. S. Treasury. Then nj spend all that money for all-day suckers"
 He evidently suspected that the finger prints were to be made available in the event that he might some day go wrong. Rut if seems to me that he popped off without due cause. If he is honest, he can bear watcbine and not be hurt by it. If he is dishonest ne should be watched. Either way th,1s IS good argument for finger-printing, en- tlrely apart from the main fact which is tn1t he cannot get his money unless he produces the prints '>>'
 It is fine thing to have plenty of pri6e no doubt. But it isn't so good to have too much ot the wrong sort. Lots of us manage to Keep Ill hot water all our lives because we cannot bury our pride at necessary moments.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15

maintained for an indefinite period. The industry is by no means threatened with distress.
 While it could hardly be expected that every industry would show notable ex- pansion, it is both interesting and en- couraging to note that there has been marked progress durng a period when the election was more or less in doubt, which indicates that the causes for inn provement were more far-reaching than politics. The expansion is widely dis tributed in sections which took little in terest in the election, and went ahead with their plans regardless of the result Mail order and retail sales showed ad- vancement that indicated both a greater willingness and capacity to buy in a large section of the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1924-12-15
Maids Maxins

When a man, instead of choosing his wife 8 Christmas present, either asks his stenog- rapher to shop for it or writes check-that's s when the honeymoon ends.
 It's always so hard for a woman to buy Christmas present for man-even when he's her husband and oblgingly gives her the money for it!
 No wise woman ever looks into the past of the man with a gift for love-making. What she's interested in are results.
 Among the reasons why the successful busi- ness woman, unlike here male proto- type. often remains unwed is because it's so much harder to find a perpetually appreci- ative audience of one that wears trousers, inStea1 of skirts