davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
Nation Wide DnDe for Hydro Bill Starts
5allEARDtgeSEE!Bl{
~a'R7O1o 10y BILL pRIcg'c-f~~zA4 -''~
A PLEASANT DREAM.

sometimes will,
When he cannot raise sufficient funds
to pay his laundry bill;
When he finds he cannot aggregate
enough Of vulger cash
To get himself q dish Of soup or buy O
plate Of hash.
In order to divert my thoughts read
The Evening Times,
And for a little while forgot the niclxIes
and the dimes.
hunted, as / always do, for dear old
Heard and Seen
And landed In the middle Of o most de-
hghtful dream.
Holman entertained me with his clever
verse and prose,
Until 1 wished that life was made Of
laughter loving JOes,
Effervescent Hawkins, with his merry
lests and pranks,
Until 1t seemed the atmosphere was
full Of genial Hanks.
LOeffler. Schultz and HOagland, with
their sweet poetic grace
Like bonnie lassies led the Lads q most
bewItching chase.
Gentle Dennis Reagan, with his mel
low, Irish strain
And william Upton Talbot. too. who
never charms In vain.
Vetter, White and Schwab, who never
fail to make q hit,
With their photographic humOr and
their phi1OsOphic wit:
Blossom, johnson, "The Unknown and
Everett and Snow,
Whose pens and pencils never drop o
single note Of woe;
"OidonO" and 20 How Wise' and
"Harper's Ferry" too,
And other stellar lights whose jokes
arc always bright and new,
Who scatter sunbeams In their wake
and gladness all the while,
And make you feel that after all
there's something In o smile.
They cheered and entertained me with
their melody and mirth,
UnCl 1 felt there never was q finer
bunch on earth.
They wOOed me into slumber and they
sOOthed me to repOse,
And when I woke L had forgot INV i'm
PecuniOus woes.
WILL T. WHELAN,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
MAGNUS WOULD MOLD
PUBLIC OPINION HERE

Senator Magnus Johnson declared
last night that his purpose while
here is to mold the opinion of the
people so that by organization they
may he able to obtain a fair ana
square deal in the manipulation IF
Government affairs. His address was
delivered to FL Club Cervantes at
it's celebration of Porto Rican
Night" held in the Interior building
auditorium.
Among the other speakers were
William N. Vaile, representative
from Colorado, Capt. Frank c..
Steward. Master Richard G. Hunt,
Miss Isabelle MacDermott, DR.,
Copos Rodriguez, and Senior Que.
sada. consul general from Cuba.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
SENATE OPENS PROBE OF
"DlPLOMA MILLS" IN IT, G.

The Senate today plunged into an
investigation of diploma mill activi.
ties all over the country.
The special committee, headed nv
senator Royal s. Copeland of New
YORK. met to ferret out the detailed
ramifications Of the ring which is
alleged to have distributed spurious
medical diplomas to fake prac.
titioners.
A host of witnesses was on hand.
including Harry T. Brundage. ro.
.p0Efsr On q ST. LQuis newspaper,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
REORGANIZATION PLAN
HEARING SOON TO END

The Joint Congressional Commit
tee on recognizing the Federal de-
partments will close its hearings
Monday, January %, according to
the present program.
Secretary Of Agriculture Wallace
and Secretary Of Commerce Hoover
will appear before the committee
tomorrow. At today's bearing a
number of engineers. including John
II. Finney and L. w. Wallace, of
the Federated American Engineering
Societies. appeared to advocate the
foundation of a Department of Pub
ic Work IN accordance with the
Brown Reorganization plan. Their
testimony was largely technical In
GhaEactam
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
YOUTH SHOT BY CHUM
RECOVERING, DOCTORS SAY

Shot in the arm and side by his
roommate, William Kenneth Gray,
nineteen, is convalescing rapidly,
Emergency hospital surgeons stated
today, and may be released from the
institution at the end of the week.
Gray's condition was at first regard
ed as critical.
John Edward Heffernan, also nine
teen, who is said to have done the
shooting, is locked up at the First
precinct. No charge has been placed
against him.
Police say Heffernan was examin.
ing a revolver and discharged it &C
cidently.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
MAY VIRGINNY.

Little saint il whut you amt
May VirgInny:
Got yO'self smeared up with paint,
May VirGinnyI
Ridin' rOun' with high-brOwn boys;
Wearln' clothes that makes q Noise,
Them amt no good kinda Joys,
May VlrElnny!
Jazzin' up the fIOwln' cup.
May Virginny;
Since Oh Hector was q pup,
May Vlrglnny:
Wearin' bright red shiny shoes,
Singln' Scandalizln' blues;
Amt the proper path to choose,
May Virginny!
Givln' boys yO' gaFter-bOws,
May VirgInny;
Till they purt' nigh come to blows.
May VirEinny;
Amt you 'shamed Of yO'self, now?
Amt you got no sense nOhOw?
Huh! You ID some gal, 1 low,
May Virginny!
GENE BLOSSOM.
-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
BLACK" LIGHTNING
GOES ON RAMPAGE
TIMES. STAFF PHOTO.

Black Lightning cut a deep
cash in the side of Jesse Williams,
colored. twenty-four, 2450 Shows
Court southwest, during a shower
of cutlery last night, according to
the police.
Selling a knife from his pocket,
Lightning colored masA. is said
to have started cutting up. When
exhausted by the blows, Williams
fell. Lightning bolted.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
BILL
WILL BE DISCUSSED

The District Of Columbia branch
OF the National Association for the
Advancement of Colored People will
meet in the assembly hall of the
Twelfth Street branch of the Y. M.
G. A. tonight at o'clock.
A feature of the meeting will be
the outlining Of the program which
includes the new Dyer anti.lynch.
ing bill offered in this Congress.
Colonel Roosevelt and Mr.. Dyer
were the speakers in the last meet.
ing Of this organization IN New
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
Rail Bond Issue Allowed.

The Interstate Commerce Com.
today authorized the Mo-
Railway Company to is
sue $2,650,000 of first and refund
ing mortgage per cent gold bonds.
These bonds are to be pledged as
collateral security for $1,900,000 of
notes to be issued to the director
general of railroads.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
THY NAME IS WOMAN.

She crossed her slim ankles ond
settled down among the cushions
of the hammock. He put his arm
around her and sighed. She sighed.
He sighed again and murmured,
"Darling-er, er, will you marry
me?"
Maybe So" she exclaimed.
When he had gone she cut an
other notch in the hammock.
THE UNKNOWN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
Commerce Body to Elect

A special meeting of the Chamber
of Commerce board Of directors will
be held Tuesday for the election of
secretary, treasurer and general
council The meeting will be held
at 8 o'clock in the chambers rooms
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
Alpha Tau Picks D. C. Man.

David H. Gottwalls. 1923 Warden
street northwest. student in the
building construction department at
Carnegie Institute Of Technology at
Pittsburgh. has been elected to
Alpha Tau Fraternity, according to
an announcement made today. Elec.
ton to this organization is based
on high scholastic standing and ex.
ceptional ability In student activi.
ties.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
D. c. IS OPPOSED
To PERSONAL
AUTO TAX
Commissioners Ask Passage
Of Gasoline Bill Without
Amendment.

The District Commissioners favor
passage of the gasoline tax bill,
which provides for the discontinue
ance Of personal taxes on auto
mobiles.
Such is the opinion voiced by the
commissioners today in letter to
Congressman Stuart F.. Reed, chair
man Of the House District Commit
tee.
The Commissioners statement Is
taken to mean that they oppose the
amendment to the gasoline tax hill
which provides that all automobiles
valued at $1,000 or more shall be
subject to a personal tax.
The letter Of the Commissioners
asks the adoption Of the bill as
framed by them without amendment.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
PLAN
ENDS BAD
CRASHES
Measure introduced in Hous1
Calls for Licenses and
Examinations.

Building accidents caused b
the employment of unqualifie
architects would be preventc
under bill introduced in Il
House today by Congressm;
Stuart F. Reed of West Virgini
chairman of the House Distri
Committee. The bill provides f
examination and registration I
architects, and regulation of t
practice of architecture in t
District of Columbia.
Creates Board of Five.
Under the bill there will be V
ated a board of examiners and res
trars of architects composed of t.
members, to be appointed by
District Commissioners. Memb
of the board would serve for te
of five years, and the qualificatiC
for their appointment would be .
tive architectural practice in
District for period of not less tn
ten years.
The board would be required
hold examination meetings at lea
twice year, and publish a rost,
of the names and places of busine
and residence of all qualified arcl
tects.
Makes Licenses Imperative.
No architect would be permit
to practice in the District witho'
a. license, which could only be 9
cured by an examination.
Each applicant for a certifica'
would be required to either hold
diploma from recognized arch
tectural college, and to have had :;
CONTINUED on Page 26)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18

The naming of NJ. GrGbski
as premier of Poland sug-
gests that he is Just the right
man IN case, there are Gmy
Teapot Dome oil leases to be
giVee out 0ver there.
PETE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
EVERYDAY QUESTIONS.

Why did the fire die i'm the
kitchen range?
Where has the coal bin?
Did the stove poker?
Did the coat hanger?
Did the lawn mower?
Did the meat grinder?
Did the biscuit cutter?
GINGER.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
IMAGINARY GREETING.

The FELLOW WhO keeps one
enc on his 1UOrk and the other
on the clock is apt to get
cockeyed.
TOM CULHANE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
GEOGRAPHICAL LIMERICK.
(Learn a State a Day.

NANGSAA II q koaSO~ q NWJ'
A smart young miss In Wyoming
Bodied her hair to save cOmblng,
But her sweetie said: kid,
I don't like what you did.
Now she's roaming alone in cleaning.
TEACHER.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18
OF COURSE THE UNDER
TAKERS SHOULD BE SORE

TAKERS SHOULD BE SORE
Dear Bal: / don't blome the
four Washington AndertGkers
for getting mad 10hem practical
jokers sent them, one after the
other, to the apartment of a
nesOLv married couple in the sup
position that there 1OGs some
business for them. The bride
and groom shouldn't kick, of
course, oVer this grim 1OGy of
kidding them, but 1t certainly is
h shame to cause undertGkers to
be disappointed JOHN X.
-H4~%-
IMAGINARY GREETING.
why, how do you do, Miss Happy New
What is the good word. what is the
what's that. you says Light wines
And free lunch, too? My you're a dear!
FRED VETTER.
49,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-01-18

The old gray mule is disGp-
peGring, but "White male"
seems to be plentiful.
GUS G..
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
DIR. FRANK CRANES
DAILY EDITORIAL
BY DIR. FRANK CRANE.
SHINES

YEydE richest man in the world is dead
Hugo SHINES called the richest in the world
The government reckoned his wealth at half billion
and expects to get $125OOO from his Inheritance tax
SHINES was fond of displaying his wealth in peculiar
way Passing newspaper office factory coal mine
he would say, that" He seemed to take childish
delight in the accumulation of things.
Now he dead and has left all He has gone into the
rext world with pockets in his shroud BE enters there
as poor man. He is worth no more than he is worth
It is singular that the richest in the world he is
called is from the poorest country in the world which
shows that mans riches do not depend the riches
OF ms fellow creatures but quite often upon their poverty
The rich Of the United States get on rule, by
other people on The prosperity OF such workers as
Henry Ford with the prosperity of those
around him. tr
But in any when man comes down to take the little
boat that to the other shore there is only
for himself and his friendships. n,
How many friendships has SHINES accumulated How
many devoted him the maker Of their for
tunes How many little children mourned at his gravel
How many widows and orphans and the little Of earth
desolate because this great man had departedf
Nothing is said in the dispatches of all this although
talked about in Germany OF his demise than OF any
other subject.
No gather together half billion dollars without
deeply mpressing his fellowmen in way Was SHINES
merely example Of the accumuative instinct? the
he has scraped together will fly away Was ne
than this? Was he sample Of the organizing power OF
the German people, OF modern tmesf VIII his example
be followed by othersi
After all mans life and his works judged by the
people he has left and by the effect upon the living world
whether he be rich poor To it may but
the falling Of tall pine in the forests those who are near
him may be interested in the topping few may bear the
brunt Of it.
Some die rich in money only, and in goods which they
owned for while and which after them to others to
diSspate conserve.
Some die rich in friendships and in the influence they
have left upon other lives, but all must pass
It is the that continues One by the figures that
conspicuous drop away Their places taken and
their judgment quick in its decision sometimes cruel in
its promptnes, but their judgment is which must stand
Hugo SHINES and man he is mortal His
figure has been removed from Germany and from the world
Hugo SHINES money little longer lived It remains in
the world to bless it it after he has gone.
y Newspaper Syndicate)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31

~ NDOCRINOLOGY IL the sci
ence of the ductless glands:
- and the ductless glands,
according to Doctor w. ]. A.
Bailey& and other doctors Of equal
standing in the profession and the
schools Of medicine, probably
hold for us the secret and the
key to longer life and more vigor-
GUS and healthful living. SO
everybody ought to know some
thing about them.
What, then, are the ductless
glands? But, first, what are
glands Of any kind? They are
little cellular organs in Que bodies
which manufacture different
kinds of juices used by other
organs. sometimes in quite dis
tant parts Of the body, for FER
forming the internal operations
that constitute living.
Thus there are ''salivary'
glands in the mouth, tina: make
and supply the saliva, which
when mingled with tho food that
we chew facilitates the digestive
operation performed upon the
same food when 1t reaches the
stomach by the digestive juices,
made and furnished by other
glands, called the gastric glands,
situated in the walls Of this stom.
ach. Tears are the product Of
glands called lacrimatory.
The various glands scattered
over many parts Of the body
might be compared to chemical
laboratories which produce essen
tial combinations or preparations
needed for the carrying on Of the
bodily activities.
And the likeness goes sur.
prisingly far in some respects.
Thus a free flowing Of water is
required in a laboratory while 1t
is in full action, but when the
work ceases, the water Is cut off.
So, the glands are very abun-
dainty furnished with blood ves-
sells, which automatically expand
when the glands are busy with
their chemistry; but there are
for the juices supplied by particu-
lar glands, and ut such times the
blood vessels connected with
those glands AuI l1111LlCally con-
tract, and the flow diminishes or
stops.
Now, among the many glands
there are certain ones, called
"ductless" because not supplied
like the others with special ducts,
or conduits, through which their
products are distributed, the lat
ter getting into the general cir.
culatory system by means Of
minute veins in the glands. Be-
cause 1t could not be seen that
they had any means of discharg.
ing their peculiar products like
others, these special glands were,
until recently, puzzle to
psychologists. But now. since their
real functions and way of acting
have been discovered they have
become a wonder.
The most commonly referred
to Of the ductless glands Is the
"thyroid," situated in the front
of the throat, near the Adams
apple" Very extraordinary prop
critics are ascribed to the score
tons Of this gland. A week or
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
GARRETT P. SERVISS EXPLAINS
OUR DUCTLESS GLANDS
BY GARRETT P. SERVIss.
hese Are Secret and Key to ]
and Healthful Living.

two ago Doctor Bailey, whom I
have mentioned above, assured the
members of the American Chem
ical Society, meeting in Wash
ington, that "a few minutes
ionization a day Of the thyroid Of
Harry Thaw, and some other COM
Elementary endocrine radiation,
would transform him into a use
full citizen"
He meant by this to affirm
that the seat of what is called in
sanity is not in the brain, but in
the endocrine glands. which alb
solutely control every brain func.
tion."
And he went on from one as
tonishing statement to another
astonishing at least to the lay
mani. in this fashion:
I'VE have cornered alteration
(of mind, disease, old age, ana In
fact life and death themselves, In
the endocrines.
mo greater truth has been
vouchsafed to humanity than that
these lowly masses Of colloidal
ooze regulate all bodily activity
down to the tiniest cell. Racial
characteristics as well as the dis
tinctive marks Of personality
known throughout history, find
their origin here.
"I am satisfied from definite
clinical experience that a method
of endocrine ionization Is now
available whereby we can def.
nitely, practically without excep.
ton, retard the progress OF
senescense and give new lease
Of relatively normal functioning
power to those whose sun OF life
Is slowly sinking into the purple
shadows Of that longest night"
Great is endocrinology. Il these
things be true!
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
Sap and Salt
BY Bert Moses

I--By Bert MOSES
To be a successful liar, key
your voice low.
In seeking Fame, keep away
from beaten paths.
You should never judge any
thing by the abuse Of 1t.
The law of gravitation applies
to everything but taxes.
To have things come your way.
you have to go out and fetch
them in.
About all the walking that Is
popular any more is done around
pool tables.
You can invite distinguished
company to your house, but you
can't make 'em come.
The less a writer knows about
love, the better qualified he 10 to
write a popular novel.
Hez Heck says: "The reason US
men does so little gosspin' IL be.
cause we git more fun out o.
chewin the rag"
Copyright, 1894 Premier
Syndicate. xno>
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
ONCE-OVERS
SAVE, SAVE, SAVE, BECAUSE 1T TAKES MONEY TO
MAKE MONEY!

What is your philosophy of fe-o have good time at
the present and let the future take of itself
At times have you considered the man whom you know
TO be weodo who has seemed to be working for one OBJ
ect only to be prepared for old age about as foolish
possible2
You have said "What will that man have to think about
IN his old but work and grind and then you
have told yourself that life would be worth it to you
If you must miss much Of pleasure
You think perhaps that would take twenty or thirty
years of hard steady plugging prepare and com
fort in the remaining ten fifteen years and Won are not
willing to give up the best part of your life that way
The trouble with this line of thought that it carries Won
to extremes.
Would it not be possible for you have fairly good
time and also make preparation for the future YOU
are unwilling to sacrifice in greater degree
You cannot expect to live up your salary all the time
and thus deprive yourself Of the money which needed to
take advantage of investment opportunities and ever get
ahead
1t takes money to make money. -
H. Copyright aiOnalg Service. lnao.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
Bible Reading

THAT "the teacher in charge
i shall read, or cause to be
read, a portion Of the Bible daily
In every classroom or session room
OF the common schools of the
State of Kentucky in the presence
OF the pupils therein assembled"
is the gist Of a bill recently signed
by the Governor of Kentucky. No
pupil will be required to read the
Bible against the wish OF his
parents or guardians. Failure of
any teacher to carry out the pro-
visions Of this bill will be cause
Cor revolxing his certificate.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
Practice House

A PRACTICE house or model
"A cottage is a part Of the gen.
eral equipment Of home economies
in all vocational schools Of Oregon.
Each girl has experience in all the
fundamentals Of the household
preparation, house cleaning, laun-
dry, and sewing. The food prepare
ton classes give the actual expert
ence Of buying and preparing for a
number OF persons. The girls are
taught the spending value OF the
dollar, principles Of house decora-
taonA child care and homo nursing.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31
Canadian Wheat

MORE Canadian wheat is going
4NA to United States millers from
the head of the lakes this year
than ever before, In spite Of the
Accent duty opposed recently,
according to local grain officials
of Port Williams, Canada. Mime
apolis, Duluth, Chicago and Buf.
falo mills have contracts aggre.
eating 100000 bushels now reg.
istered at the head Of the lakes.
while a single concern has con-
tracts for delivery az 1000. 400
bushels during May.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31

e gIaze put on IN emotlonaI spurts You almost
where ne stopped to beat his wife and slice the garlic be-
tween spurs And in the center is Little Bird little
foolish bird with green TAIL blue WINGS yellow breast
three top feathers and bill that ans As degrees
tear hair with despair when try to describe that bird
long for little 100 per grappo myself in order to
DO the job justice. But it can't be DONE want to tell
you how doggoned deciously merry and silly that Little
Bird and the whole crude cracky little peasant fruit dish
is I" but fail.
For I've forgotten how to be merry as that simple
peasant was when he made that dish. And that's the
trouble with most Americans today. WITH ALL OUR
WEALTH AND POWER WITH ALL OUR WISDOM AND
PROGRESS, WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY IN
LITTLE, COMMON WAYS.
WHEN 1T COMES TO WEAVING COLOR AND JOY
INTO THE DINGY WOOL OF DAILY LIFE THAT SIM
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1924-05-31

doubtedy the most popular but due the lack of bank
rolls, most Of us have to fall back the cross.
Merriness should have nothing to do with crosses or
bank rolls We oughnt grin in order to get our souls
saved And oughtn to grin because afford it.
We ought to grin BECAUSE WE CAN'T HELP GRIN
MING We ought to stop thinking about spiritual and
financial status for while and just enjoy life. No.
Carping Critic, am NOT betng spiritual concerns But
think the greatest gift Of God and the greatest duty Of
man, is JUST PLAIN MERRNESS. Being happy and
spreading like epidemic Being happy over everything
Over an extra good shoe shine Over clean shave Over
the smell OF the morning. Over little dogs funny nose
Over bowl Of soup Over the drawing Of silly little
bird on common little dish. Don't wait until YOU re
DO 1T NOW! - fF''
Copyright by King Features servic. Inc,