The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1924-02-08
The CHEWING CUM
CANDIDATE MAY
STICK TO SENATE
. Wrigley, Jr., Said to Be
Cumming the Works
Especial to The Daily worker,

w AOL 144NGA OAHs--4l hiram JOtlI-
son ever lands in the White House
he will not have to thank spearmint
gum for his victory. The DAILY
WORKER correspondent was in
formed that the financial hackers
of the Californian political white
hope, chief among them being the
Chicago millionaire who made his
fortune by giving the people some
thing to chew on, are considering
Tightening up their wads and let
ting Hiram paddle his own canoe.
There are other ways of enjoying
life besides betting ones money on
q political dark horse. A candidate
for the presidency nowadays is in
constant danger of having oil squirt
ed on him. and the millionaires do
not like to handle an inhammable
proposition. They do not want to
risk burning their fingers.
So far johnson has escaped the
storm in a teapot, winch is now
whirling thru the closets of the
Washington statesmen and throw
ing open the skeletons therein to
public view. But nobody can tell
when he may get hit by a stray
oil can. Today every candidate for
the presidency is guilty until he is
proven innocent
If the California senator quits the
race and leaves the country to its
fate and in danger of entering blind
folded into foreign entanglements,
who will be the jockey to drive the
unwieldly hulk of the Republican
elephant to victory? Always hard
animal to manage, it is now ex-
pected that the sight of a gasoline
station will throw him into a
frenzy during the coming campaign.
Before the automobile came into
such general use, his trainers might
be able to sneak him across the
country in the presidential race
without falling into an oil well, but
one can hardly cover a block now
adays without running into some
animated hunk of tin that gets its
motive power from the Teapot
Dome.
Not that the Democrat jackass is
any better off. He was laughing and
wagging his ears at the predica-
ment in which his more ciumsy
brother was in, but when q gusher
gushed in the vicinity Of William
Gibbs McAdoo, the Democrats be-
gan to look around for a candidate
among the celebrities in the comic
strips Of the Sunday supplements.
Barney Google, or Jiggs, may be
selected. They cannot be any fun
nier than the gentlemen that have
already made laughing stocks OF
themselves.
Calvin Coolidge's presidential bug
is not biting any more. While ne
has escaped a frontal squirt from
the petroleum fusilade, most Of his
cabinet are now busy trying to ex-
plain WHY they were working TWEEN
tv four hours a day auctioning of
the United States of America to
the highest bidders. His intention
to hide his intellectual bankruptcy
behind a mantle of silence until the
voters returned him to his present
residence is now broken and he IS
giving long statements daily OF his
intention to punish the guilty.
While the capitalist parties are
grovelling in filth and political cor,
ruption. the movement for real
farmer-labor party is growing by
leaps and bounds. The opinion IN
Washington is that the Teapot Dome
scandal and the assumption OF the
powers of government on the part
Of the British Labor Party will
give a great impetus to this move
ment. The Coolidge machine which
spent a good deal of time staging
milking contests and staging other
contests to seduce the progressive
senators are too busy painting signs
reading Handle with care; this IS
inAammable" on the superstructure
of their presidential platform. 1t
is soaked with oil and it requires
-. . crawl 70 hurst IL into fame.