The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1924-03-27

Excitement in Town


Swan, who runs TIL Advocate and does
job printin', was TIL cause of tn
temporary perkin up of til village
that is. Sam was tn instrument of TIL
uplift, anyhow.
Yew see, Sam, unlike most editors.
owns two pairs of trousers, tn Cnes
he is a-wearin' and winter pair that
he'd left hangin' about in tn shed
behindt tn Advocate Office. Well,
with tn first touch of frost, Sam begin
tew remember them heavy trousers,
and Yesterday mornin bright and
early, before tn lady typsetter had
cum down, Sam builds UP a nice,
brisk fire in tn Office stove and goes
out and hauls in them warm, COM
Portable pants that's been restin' all
summer, and puts 'em on. Then he
stands with his back tew tn stove and
prepares to git well toasted.
Gist about then things begin tew
happen. Yew see, durin' tn summer
sum pesky hornets he'd found Sans
trousers and had made nest in tn
pistol pocket of same. When tn cold
weather cum they was still hangin'
onto their summer quarters chilled,
but merely sleepin', as Sam discover
ed when he backed up tew tn stove.
Sam felt sumthin' kinda hot stickin'
him, gently at first, and then all
tew oncet he shot out of that printin'
Office with a yell yew could of heard
above hull flock of circus calliopes
tootin' up Main st.
Fer about fifteen minutes there wuz
more fireworks on our principal bully
ward than there wuz last Fourth,
When tn celebration took frs and
went off by mistake. If Sam had
swallered all the red pepper this side
of Baltuff's grocery store and set
down on package of redhot needles,
he couldn't a-been more excited.
Save mel" he bawled, rushin' in
tew the Boston Emporium, slappin'
hissef about fourteen inches spirally
Ground from his watchfob. Save mel"
Mandy Hickson wuz gist cummin'
out of tn store, with four dozen
fresh eggs at Is cents dozen, when
Sam headed in, and in about minute
Mandy and Sam and tn hornets wuz
ali mixed up in tn, scrambled eggs.
Mandy couldn't help herself much on
account of her stylishness in wearin,
slit skirt, and when Sam managed
to assume a perpendicular position,
he slipped in tn yolks and went head
fust into tn showcase, amongst tn
caramels and candy hearts.
Ike Rubenstein, tn proprietor, let
a Whoop out Of him that would a.
scared wooden Indian away from
his post in front Of a cigar store, and
started to haul Sam out of tn show
case by tn hind leg. This made tn
hornets madden than ever and they
divided their forces and took after
Rubenstein and his dog. TIL dog
went straight thru tn plate glass
front. and Rubenstein, cryin' like a
baby and hollerin', Fire!" made a
dash for tn rear door and fell thru
tn open hatch intew tn rutabaga bin
in tn cellar, tearin' his clothes and
mussin, up thu place in general.
In about minute Squire Fassben-
der and Parson Scnoat cum a-runnin'
frum different directions and in
less'n that time they started off agin,
wavin, their arms and a-slappin' them
selves like hull flock of geese sas-
sin book agent.
All this time Sam was a-jumpin' up
and down, a-foppin' his arms and
yellin'. Then he made scoot fer tn
back door of the Advocate office, and
gittin' inside, grabbed up his summer
trousers. Gist as he wuz about t.
shuck off tn inhabited ones, in walks
tn lady typesetter, and Sam, half
cussin and half cryin', dashed out
agin, carryin' his summer pants be-
hind him like an automobile pennant
flutterin' in the wind. Where he wuz
a-goin' or what he WIZ a-goin't do, he
didn't know; but gist then tn Office
devil yelled out after him.
"Sam, TIL typesetter hez fainted!"
"P-p-put a hornet in her pocket"
yelled Sam over his shoulder. as he
turned tn bank corner, a-headin fer
tn river.
When Sam cum up tn seventh
time, tn last hornet he'd gone away
mad as usual and not half satisfied.
Then Sam crawled out on tn bank
and changed his trousers, feelin' gent
Iy of hisself or Ia raised places
meanwhile.
BY tn time tn : ire department
reached tn scene Sam he'd all tn fire
stamped out of his pistol pocket, but
there was plenty left, Sc he sed, where
tn pesky varmints had hir him with
their jaVelins.
Pride goetn before a fall" he
printed in tn Advocate yesterday. q
oughta know bettern tew had TWO
pairs of pants. None of tn best
editors does."-Judge.
Looked Good.
"How glad am purred the visitor,
chat your daughter has made such
an excellent match"
Mrs. Strug smiled, in the gratified
manner of a successful campaigner.
Yes, Madge has married well-very
4syaH che ancxvara1 no~op1ooapf11,