The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
The Family
Album
By s.BUGS' BAER.

AkOOkxk
By "BUGs" BAER.
w ELLo. pop says he is go
ing to buy a rubber front
" door so we can't hear you
knocking. Come right inside,
you're just as welcome as a cold
wave in an incubator.
Pop Is down In the cellar try
ing to start the furnace with
some fire.proof coal. He's just
as useful around the house as a
smoked glass mirror.
He's always repairing some
thing around the house. He fixed
q broken spigot so it ran a year
without stopping.
Pop didn't have much use for
Nephew Rudolph, who never
could fix anything without q
book. Pop said Rudolph couldn't
comb his hair without blueprints.
Rudolph went to college four
years and when he graduated he
knew enough to smoke a cigar
cite under a shower bath. Pop
said he was so dumb that he gave
mules growing pains in their
ears.
That's Rudolph there on the
: third page between Uncle Ben
and a stranger. Pop never did
get his picture in there because
NOM wasn't going to give him
any free publicity even under an
inch Of dust on the parlor table.
She said pop would have to pay
regular advertising rates or stay
out of the book.
Rudolph had so much gold In
his mouth that it looked like
they were opening UP Tut-Tank-
ems tomb when he yawned. The
only time he yawned was when
he was sleepy for food.
Pop said, IF that bird with
an expression like a worm can
get into the albums first edition.
I'll stay out. don't want to be
within a nickel carfare distance
20 him. His head looks like Isu-
ther Burbank has been expert
menting with huckleberries again"
Rudolph tried to swallow his
indignation but a big lump come
up in his throat and pushed eff
his hat.
Pop said. "I,ll knock you so
cold you'll have to get new citi-
zenship papers when. you wake
up"
Nom said. whats eating you
MP. pop, besides dumbness? You're
acting SO independent that you
must have seen smoke coming
cut Of brewery chimney again"
Pop said, You stop making.
wise cracks about my branch q
the family or I'll include you in
the tournament. amt taking
no back lip from nobody today
That nephew Of yours is about as
useful as a weather forecaster in
Hades. He's going round in sir
cles like hoop on a barrel
Nom said, Ever since you
learned to clip the nails .on your
right hand with the scissors in
your left you think Lloyd George
is an errand boy. Why don't you
get wise to yourself and try to
break the running broad jump off
q wharf?"
Well, pop started to hem and
haw in a way that bordered on the
sensational When it came to rep
resentation in our house he Nas
almost as bad as old man Tierney
in his. The old boy didn't have
any more to say about the way his
beefsteaks should be burned than a
cat does about condensed milk.
After Mrs. Tierney had knocked
him for a double victory because
the old boy had tapped his pay en-
velope for the price of q mild case
of delirium tremens, he met pop
and said. Hey. pop, what was It
that Patrick Henry said that start
ed that big war;"
Pop said, What war? The civil
or the one I just had up to the
house about taking too much bread
under my butter?"
The old man said, NO: the one
where Patrick Henry got up and
said taxation without representa-
tion is Tierney. That's me-"
Pop said. THAT goes double in
spades. I stand around my dig
gings like folding bed without
legs. I'm q sparrow I'm an eagles
nest. If open my mouth they use