The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-20
The Story of the Umpah Weed

Abdul the Wise as he rang for his grand vizier, Kalla Pasha.
 'How is the epidemic going on to- day?" he asked.
 "Sire," replied the grand vizier, q regret to report that it is going on all cylinders"
 And so, indeed it was. All the broad empire was in the grip of a ter rible malady known as "snootus," and there was no relief in sight. From one end of the land to the other there was great suffering, and the people cried aloud for aid, and for once in his life, Abdul the Wise was up against it. His wisdom had fallen down on the job.
 A sudden disturbance was heard in the ante chamber, and into the throne room burst Hokus-pokus, the court wizard, all het up.
 "Sire," he cried, "I have found it."
 Found what?" asked Abdul the Wise, giving him the ritz.
 q have found cure for snootus," replied the wizard, shimmying with excitement. "After much cogitation and experiment I have discovered a remedy that will knock the plague for a row of hospitals. Cure guaranteed in one dozen doses or your money refundedw
 And what is the name of this re- markable elixir?" asked Abdul, sit ting up and taking notice.
 Nothing but soup," answered the wizard. "Soup made from the hum- ble umpah weed that grows by every roadside"
 And so Abdul the Wise issued an edict ordering every man, woman and child in the broad land to inhale twelve bowls of umpah soup.
 And another day went by, and an- other, and another, and still the plague increased; and Abdul, filled with rage, called Hokus-pokus, the wizard, into his presence.
 "How comet" he demanded in a 1 IeiIipie VolCe' lou were gong to knock the plague for row of hospit- als, and still it waxes stronger every hour. What about this umpah soup?"
 "There is nothing wrong with the cure,' the wizard answered. "It's the people-they won't take it."
 "What's the big idea?" interrupted Abdul.
 "In the first place." Hokus-pokus went on, "the umpah weed is so com mon and cheap that the people won't believe there is any good in it. In the second place, they don't like to have medicine legislated down their throats."
 Suddenly the frown that darkened the brow of Abdul the Wise disap- peared and smile shone thereon.
 q don't know much about medi- cine, but l know people," he said.
 Whereupon he promulgated law prohibiting the manufacture or sale or distribution of umpah soup throughout the broad land.
 And presently there was murmur- ing among the people, and there were mass meetings and soap-box orators stood in the market places crying: "We want umpah soupw
 And the people went forth on the highways and byways picking the umpah weed, and home fires burned in the dead of night, brewing umpah soup, and bootleggers waxed suddenly rich selling umpah soup, and respected citizens went about their business, each carrying on the hip a flask of umpah soup, and even the children cried for it. And within a fortnight there was not case of snootus in all the land.
 Abdul the Wise lolled on his over stuffed throne and smiled through a bcloud of tobacco smoke.
 Bring me shot of umpah soup," he said.
 They are considering a bill at Mont gomery to reduce the city commission to three members. Well, three's a crowd.