davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
aaaaauus1.s1slsas
The Chase !

HxSSsfs
"A mans wife Is terrible nuis-
ance." complained W19zert to, his
client. II couldn't get bit Of work
done yesterday because my wife kept
telephoning me about sick cat.
told her had no time to bother with
a sick cat, but she insisted that 1t
was bowling terribly and she couldn't
stand it.
$50 / said: Phone the pound mas
ter and tell him to come and take It
away She called me again in little
while and informed me that the pound
master wouldn't take the cat unless
It was boxed up. / told her to box 1t
then. She said boxing sick cats wasn't
fl her line. but she would try it.
Later she communicated the intelli-
gence that her efforts to box the cat
had failed, but that 1t was bottled up
under her neighbor's doors sep.
"My wife had chased that cat into
Mrs. Dreadnaught's garden, where 1t
had laid itself down on the hyacinth
bed Mrs. Dreadnaught had turned
the hose on it, and it had fed under
her doorsteps. told my wife to ask
the pound man IL he would accept
bottled cats, and il SO to have him
come and get 1t.
"When / got home that afternoon
saw signs Of a big commotion. The
pound mans wagon was drawn up
the street in front Of our house and
| caught glimpse of my wife making
gestures and brigand kneeling in
fern bed at her feet by Mrs. Dread
naught's kitchen steps. saw Mrs.
Dreadnaught yanking another brlgand
off her dahlia bed.
"The brigand peered under the
steps. / don't see any cat he said.
"'Take another look said Mrs.
Dreadnaught.
"WeII,' answered the brigand, he
has dug hole under the steps.
"PulI him out said Mrs. Dread
naught.
"Tm afraid he'll scratch me-
~Two big, husky men afraid OF a
sick cat!' jeered Mrs. Dreadnaught.
"The- brigand assumed coaxing
tone. Kitty, kitty, kitty!' but kitty
didn't fall for any of that soft stuff!
By that time all the rest of the neigh
bors for three blocks around were on
hand, and the big scene was on.
"The brigand, knee1ing at my wife's
feet, implored her for hoe. A hoe
was produced with alacrity.
'Then the other brigand asked for
sack.
81 suppose said Mrs. Dreadnaught,
now that you have borrowed these,
you can go ahead with the trick
"They did, the cat was hoed into
the sack as If by magic, and away
went bag, cat and brigand.
GAS Mrs. Dreadnaught looked over
the wreck Of her garden she an
nounced that the next time she had
a sick cat for the pound master she
would express it to him."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
II Worked.

a tramp entered a bakers shop,
shivering and trembling piteously.
"a loaf, please num-" he said.
placing the money on the counter
The woman handed him one. As he
took it, he said, with shaking voice:
where's the nearest 'ospital, mum,
please"
"The nearest hospital?" she ejacu-
lated.
Eyes. mum. I'm feelin' very bad.
believe I'm sickenin' for something
the scarlet fever, think"
What" she shrieked. "Get oHt O.
my shop"
He turned submissively to obey.
"Here, take your money!" she cried.
He did so and, proffering the bread,
said humbly: you'll take your loaf,
won't yer, NUM-"
''Get out o. my shop!"
He crawled out, and with bowed
head went round the corner. Present
ly twin monument of wretchedness
came toward him.
"Well, Bill?" he said.
"Right-o 'Enery!'' came the ans
wer. at worked Al, mate. Now,
you do it for a bit of bacon, and then
we can have lunch"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
Very Bad Advancement.

He had been showing his rich old
aunt from the country some of the
sights, and this evening they were to
witness revue.
He was keen on making good i'm
preston, as he had great expectations
from the old lady. So he was quite
taken back when, as soon as the cur
tain rose, the good dame grasped him
by the arm and hurried him from the
theater.
"Disgracefull Such bad manage
ment!" she said. Indignantly, when
they had reached the lounge. Just
fancy allowing the curtain to go up
before those poor girls were dressed"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
Cruel Parents

a@@S@3@@@9@@@ @@S~9s @99o9eSA@
mo more Of this Ligtle-PFudy's y
Sister susie literature Tor ny chil-
Gren!" declared the laan y 40 was
tl9 sW0ed lseayf O. As i l@4a4iy.
Wnacs tx troa .el" lA4a-Aed the
ieaoa ccn14atef
me eAlaien III sach beoAs ere too,
lad ana cA..l 4e..9ie. SO ~ Asas get
tns notion o1 going ~ lur tAst kind
u sport, aAd / can >ag.a i.
East night wneA set Rome !
found thar niy chlatea A@d adopted
poor little boy iaey Iaa estab-
lisAed him BAG and pasgage in my
already crowded domiclle- They had
offered him food and shelter and a
owing father. He had lived with his
uncle, who treated him badly.
Il am unable To figure that my but
ting in viii make much Of a hit 18th
the bad uncle. As the lad man is
fsticaliy inclined, / don't want to
come in sor his displeasuse. But my
kids, well STEPPED in Prudy-isn itera-
ture, do not figure on my chances of
getting battered up.
Another time they found a poor
waif of a cat and brought il home.
In the Prudy books such an act al
ways gave the parents thrills of
pleasure, but it didn't make bit Of
q hit with me. / am actually getting
iato the bad class with my children.
Kindness and generosity toward
all is their motto. AS d motto / don't
object to the sentiment. It is q good
motto but / don't like to practice IL.
a sick cat is a deuce of nuisance.
So is a boy. whether he has a bad
uncle or not.
"And then the disciples Of Prudy,
will butt in when man is on his way
to drown pups. When . man is on
his way to drown pups say it IS
nobodys business. Let things take
their natural course.
'aThe other day when ] caught a
dog in the act Of devouring q news
paper that I myself wished to deTour,
and when / was in the very act OF
plaublUS Ivy Huu0tt ttAa ~ et'O ~
die Of his belt, the children rushed
up an delivered an inpassioned adj
dress something like this;
"'Oh. fe father! How can you be
cruel toward poor dumb brute? How
would you like to be so wickedly mall
treated? One should bear in mind
ones superiority over the poor DUMB
creatures and treat them kindly and
gently always. Rather would | have
the love and confidence Of one OF
these creatures than the pleasure Of
reading the war news, the beauty
hints and the sporting page. But, OF
course, dear father, know you did
not mean to be cruel, and am sure
you will never 90 so again. So you
may come and kiss nae now, and bear
in mind what I have said the next
time you are inclined to land on q
fellow curt" e
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
Half Mast.

His waistcoat was wonderful.
His tie was tremendous.
His socks were positively super
human.
In order to display which, his
trousers were tucked up to ludi-
crous height.
An urchin plucked him by the
sleeve.
Lost somebody, guv'nor?" queried
the youth, alphabetically.
The swell swelled with indignation.
"Of course not, fellow!" he res
ponded contemporary, proceeding
on his way.
Cat or dog dead, guv'nor?" queried
the youngster, following.
"Bai Jovel" snapped the mob"
distinctly annoyed. why do you ask
such stoopid questions?"
why, guy'nor?" called the urehin.
Zoos / see yer got yer trousers at
'arf-mast!"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
WHAT TI,av .Mnuld DO.

"If came into sl,O00.000," said Pat
to his workmate, I'D 60 to wan O.
thin big hotels, and I'd tell the by,
Have me called at 6 o'clock tomorrow
nornin' Then I'd go to me room and
pull down the blinds, and whin first
they called me I'd not answer, and
vhin they called me louder, I'd say,
Go away wild ez! I'm not obliged to
be worTin I've got money"
"Aw!" remarl1e i Tim, as he once
more began work.
well, what would you do if you
were millionaire?" demanded Pat.
"Me?" said Tim. I'D have half
fut more Tenth to this pick handle,
ard save my noor-back."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
Apt to Shrink.

The fussy woman was picking over
the undressed kid gloves while the
weary clerk answered queries.
''Will these gloves wash?" asked
the woman.
They viii wash in a solution re-
piled the clerk.
Are they guaranteed not to
shrink?" asked the woman.
How can you guarantee undressed
kids not to shrink from washing?' de-
nanded the clerk.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
- y 3 )
Ex-OrUners



ssThe next time we buy place"
said BangwhoppeFs I'VE want 1t stipu-
lated in the contract that the owner
from whom we buy is to embark for
Zanzibar Immediately, there to re-
main an exile as long as the place Is
in our possession.
Now Dubfer sold us q house and
lot, and then said that as he lived
next door he would gladly share our
labors incident to taking care Of it.
"He helped us take care of it all
right. 1t was easy for him. The first
thing he did was to trim tree in
our yard which INSTRUCTED his view
Of what was going on at our house.
When the fruit ripened he gathered
it for us, giving us part of it and saw
ing some for himself. Possibly he
divided it impartially. Perhaps not.
We don't know.
"One day when we came home from
church we found old man Dubfer and
Mrs. Dubfer, the married son and the
divorced daughter, the married sons
wife, the married sons children and
the divorced daughters children, all
up in our apricot tree.
"They all had baskets. They used
to own the place. and he was helping
us take care of it, you see. Those
were the. terms of the treaty. which
we felt that we had to observe.
"They took SO much pride in their
ex-property that we couldn't do
thing without their consent, If we
nanted a bush they found fault with
1t and uprooted it. We finally dug up
everything on the place and changed
things around to make it~as unfa-
miliar to them as possible. and then
we persuaded the other people in tbs
neighborhood to go and tell the Dub
fers how wonderfully the Bangwhop-
per family had been improving the
place.
INSTANTLY the Dubfers went up in
the air. They were surprised and
shocked. They said that the place
used to be lovely when they had 1t,
but that we had ruined 1t. We didn't
care whether we ruined it or not,
provided we could make It entirely
cur own. The only things we left
standing were the fruit trees, and
they are still subject to the Dubfera'
claims. They still take care of our
fruit trees, especially when the fruit
is mature and tempting.
There is never a Sunday that the
Dubfers don't bring down q delega-
ton to our place to show them the
trees they planted and husbanded.
They invariably tell their friends how
pleasant to the eye everything was
before we got to meddling with
things.
"Dubfer has told us so often what
wonderful horticultural he is and
what poor ones we are. that we have
come to believe it IN superstitious
sort of way, and are afraid to offend
Dubfer for fear the trees will be
blighted. If we had only had it stipu-
lated in the contract thatlhe must de-
part for MafekiDg for all time as
soon as we took possession, then we
could have ruined things as we
wanted to without fear of mourning
criticism and the customary I told
you So"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
For Assembly
Nomination
BASIL
d.
BRUNO

Management of State Government basin of bust
ness Efficiency and Economy the rghtful demand Of the
people Of New Jersey.
step the voters Of Monmouth County take to
for Assembly Nomination the Republican Ticket at the P
maries on Thursday, September 25
training IN business and public service thoroughly
Qualities him for the Office Of Assemblyman.
Born Long Branch October z 1887 Graduate of Long
Branch High 1906 and New Jersey College of Pharmacy
1910 Proprietor Pharmacist Long Branch.
Fraternal Brother in + 4 Masons and Rka, and mem
secretary the Long Branch business Mems Association
Served Of the Board Of Health Of Long Branch
and Secretary to Senator William A. Stevens
Appointed Boxing Inspector Of Monmouth County, 1928
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13

Pat was brought before the magis-
trate by Patrolman O'Holleran.
what is the charge against this
man, oficer?" asked the magistrate.
"Openin' a saloon at three O'Clock
in the morning. yer honor" replied
the cop.
where is his saloon?" continued
the magistrate.
'He amt got no saloon, yer honor.
1t was Casey's saloon he wuz openin'
with q jimmy
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
cocoon! Bo-o-o-ho-o-o!"

"O-o-o-ohI Bo-o-o-ho-o-oI"
AS the childish wall rang thru the
house the anxious mother sprang to
her feet. Rushing into the hall, she
met her little daughter coming in
from the garden and carrying a
broken @oll by the leg.
What's the matter, darling?" she
asked tenderly.
~O-o-oh, mo-o-other," howled the
child, s'Willie's broken my do-oll!"
1.-THE naughty boy! How did he do
it9"
I'll hit him on We head wiz it!''
was the slow response.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
The Shopper.


Scene In department store. Enter
Manhattan Islander.
where is the ribbon counter?"
"Baby?" questions the doorwalker.
ssWhat?"
"Baby ribbon?"
"No, for my wife,"
II mean is it the narrow baby rib
bon you wish?"
II don't wish. and ! haven't any
baby, either wide or narrow"
''You don't understand"
II understand more about my do
mestic affairs than any other person
/ know, even foorwalker."
"What sort of ribbon was it?" .
yellow"
sThird aisle over, last counter"
Man goes four aisles over. RIB
hons?"
Clerk directs him: Next aisle.~
Man takes next aisle in wrong d.
rection. "Ribbons7'
1.-TWO aisles back; no this way, sir"
Ribbon counter?"
.sWhitercolored an whatwidth?"
yellow" says the dazed creature.
"Narrerwide?"
"Oh, don't care what make it is;
just yellow ribbon"
''Will this do?"
'No, not half as wide
sIf you had a sample"
"Of course, I've got sample. for
got all about it." He produces sample.
Clerk examine 1t, and shifts. We've
nothing Of that grade here. Try the
bargain counter In the basement-and
that isn't yellow; it is orange"
Man gropes for basement. Another
foorwalker rescues him.
~What department, sir?"
"Yellow. No, mean orange"
"Oranges? In grocery department,
eighth floor: elevators over there"
~Ribbons-"
~Four aisles over"
"Pve been there; she told me to go
TO the basement"
Fright behind you
Finally in bargain basement. RIB
bon counter?"
SCenter aisle"
He struggles thru mob Of women.
ribbon counter?" CAS- the counter
ts piled three feet high with a
tangled mass Of ribbons the clerk has
to giggle at this. Women look at him
with disdain.)
Have you any yell mean Or"
Some woman shoyes him aside
sOne-third of yard of mauve to
match this"
"a moment, please; this gentle
man" intervenes the salesgirl.
Red-hot woman retorts: "Just the
way, when these girls see man
they're crazy to wait on him."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13

SHERIFF's SALE. BY virtue of
issued out of the New jersey supreme
Court OF the State OF New Jersey will be
exposed to sale at public vendue, on
MONDAY, the sth day OF OCTOBER, 1895
Between the hours of "a O'Clock and O'Clock,
lat One o'clock), in the afternoon Of
said day, at theCourt House, in the BOROUGH of
Freehold, County Of Monmouth, New Jersey,
TO satisfy a judgment Of said Court amounting
to Approximately $1,000 90.
All the defendants right title and interest
III and to The following:
All those two certain lots. tracts or parcel of
land and premises, hereinafter particularly de-
scribed. situate, lying and being in the City
Of Long Branch. in the County of Monmouth
and State Of New Jersey.
First Tract.
Beginning at stake on the north side of
Cooper avenue distant one hundred seventy
three feet in an easterly direction from the
east side Of Long Branch avenue; thence "a
along the north side Of Cooper's avenue and in
an easterly direction forty two feet to the south
west corner of property decided by the party OF
the hrst part to Louis lappeF thence y along
the west line thereof and 10 northerly direc-
ton two hundred twenty FIVE feet thence 81 in
westerly direction and parallel with Cooper s
avenue forty sixfeet and eight inches thence
"a in sontherly direction two hundred
twenty Eve feet to the north side Of Cooper .
avenue and TO tile place OF beginn ng.
Second Tract.
BEGINNING nj point on the north side Of
Cocpers avenue distant one hundred eighteen
feet easteriy along he north side Of said aven-
ne from the east side of Long Brauch ave-
thence III along the north side Of said Coop
ers avenue seath eighty degrees east nifty nHe
feet thence [zl north eleven degrees and tive n
ty minutes east two hundred twenty FIVE feet
thence 3l north eighty degrees west
fifty I'VE feet; thence l4l south eleven degrees
and twelve minutes west Two hundred twenty
FIVE feet to the point or place of beginning.
Seized as the property of The Kothstetn Home
Building Company, Body corporate, taken IN
execution at the suit Of Max Cohen, and to
be sold by
WALTER H. GRAVATT, Sheriff,
DATED September 10, Id23.
REILLY, QUINN & PARSONS, Attorneys. szs.Io
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13

'erhis convict complains that he
was rafIroaded TO State prison"
II suppose he thought they ought
O. take him there In an automobile"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
A REGULAR Attendant.

"Do you go to church regularity"
eyes, regularly once year"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-09-13
Talking Weather.

Patience-"Why, he even talked
about the weather when he proposed
to me-"
Patrice-"You don't mean it ?"
Eyes. do. He said il married him
life would be all sunshine. tsta. !,
angSz.1t-- - ..e..,.-,4e u - az
The Wolf Point herald., 1923-11-29
A GRATIFYING VICTORY

The untagged, independent press
of the state is still rejecting the
qualification felt everywhere in the
state by lovers of justice and equal
ity over the establishment of the tax
commission. The successful rern1i-
nation of the big fight between the
Interests and the People gives the
friends of Attorney General Rankin
opportunity to shy some fine boquets
IN his direction, such as the follow
ing from the Bozeman Courier:
"The termination of the tax COM
mission case in favor Of the consti-
tutionality of the amendment Great
ing the Tax Commission was sig
nal victory for the people of the
State who adopted the amendment
and a crushing defeat for the "Big
Interests" that sought to overthrow
the will of the people.
at established permanency to the
already we'll founded principle that
substance is grander and more po-
tent tina N mere form.
''In this victory of the people.
credit is due largely to the untiring
efforts of Attorney General Yelling
ton D. Rankin. The three compan-
ion cases of Martien VS.. the Board
of Equalization; Montana Power Co.
vs. Board of Equalization; and Jo-
seph Oker VS.. Board of Equalization
were all designed to accomplish the
same purpose.
"The adverse decision rendered in
the district court of Lewis and Clark
county, in the Hartien cases ,erved
only to supr the attorney general to
greater efforts and activity.
The Wolf Point herald., 1923-11-29
Who WILL BUILD THE
NATIONAL HIGHWAYS

Nine states in the East and North
eastern part of the Union, although
they have but five per cent of the
area of the United States, possess
one-half the national wealth.
Some taxpayers in these states
New York, Pennsylvania, New Jer-
sey, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode
Island and Connecticut, sometimes
argue against the idea of national
highways to be built and forever
maintained by the National Govern
ment, on tse ground tsat they will
have to pay half the cost of such
roads.
Probably they will. But they have
to pay half the cost of all the ex-
pensive hauling now done over all
the bad roads of the natoin. These
nine states, paying half the taxes of
the nation, have to pay half of all
national works. They have to suffer
half of the ills of all national re-
verses. They have to pay half the
cost of all the money lost by all the
other states through having bad
roads.
1t is as impossible to live outside
the working of the laws of economics
as it is to work outside the laws of
nature.
The apple falls, be it in Maine or
California, and the tax paid is half
collected from half the wealth. The
expense of poor roads is half paid by
national wealth, which suffers half
the loss. And while half the cost of
the whole country wide system of
national highways will eventually be
paid by the nine states in which half
of the wealth of the nation is locat-
ed, they will also reap half the bene-
fits though they possess but a small
part of half the mileage of the pro-
posed system.
The Wolf Point herald., 1923-11-29
SAND CREEK
< Xxx a u n ss II Il u X Ne scxg

xgsa aa axs u II u II x ps e.1 g y
Lee nhornburg is spending a few
days with his daughter, Mrs. Chas
Styer.
Guy Sickels has commenced to fill
his silo, which he dug this fall.
Floyd Hansen spent Thursday
night with Bertran and Vernel Car
man.
John Cahill has been spending a
few days in our vicinity.
Robert Steffensen has been work
ing the roads south Of the Strong
farm the past week. This makes
quite an improvement in that portion
of the WOLF Point trail.
Mrs. S. A. Hansen visited the last
of the week with her son Elmer and
family.
Ward Fletcher took a load of hay
to Wolf Point Tuesday and Bill Far
mum drove some cattle up there.
Vernel and Bertran Carman spent
Sunday with the Sickels boys.
John Cahill, LaVerne Wilson and
Elvera Anderson autoed to Circle on
Wednesday.
The stove at the Muus school house
appears to be badly crippled since
the dance of Saturday night. Per-
haps the stove joined in the dance.
Mrs. and Mrs. Guy Sickels were
transacting business in Wolf Point
one day last week.
Lillian and Florence Hubbard
came out from Wolf Point Saturday
to visit home folks and attend the
dance at the Mus school house.
Mrs. H. E. Seminars and Ralph
spent the week end at home.
Elmer Hansen and family and Mrs.
S. A. Hansen visited Sunday at the
James Sim home.
Gracemae Hansen visited Sunday
at the Sickels home.
Len Gorton and family were Sum
day guests at James Sims.
H. E. Seminars made business
trip to Wolf Point last Wednesday.
Coming home his aivver got stuck
in a mud hole north of Wilson's and
he was obliged to get Mr.. Johnson
to assist him to get the car out of
the coulee. Since then Mr.. Seminars
has filled up the bad place with
stones which maks it passable.
Wilfred and Roy Hansen came
nome Sunday, both victims of the
chicken pox.
The Wolf Point herald., 1923-11-29
VOLT NEWS CAN

;. n II Xxx u u 81 a d II is sa 't &c Y
The following were school visit
ors last week: C. C. Joews, Mrs.
Dybedal, Opal Blankenship and Ed
mond Schultes.
Alvin and Arnold Wiebe spent
from Saturday to Sunday night at
the j. J. Heinrichs and A. ]. Helm
richs homes.
Misses Mildred Kimmel, Irene Dier
and Josephine Robin enjoyed few
days visit in our community.
A jolly bunch gathered at the Lib
erty- Saturday might. Andy Feick,
Joe Giersdorf and Percy Peterson
were the musicians. Everyone de-
parted toward the wee hours of the
morning wondering when the next
meeting would take place.
Gene Hill of West Fork was in
our berg one day last week.
Grandma Kegel left for a few
months visit back East.
Frans Borjerson and Percy Peter
The Wolf Point herald., 1923-11-29

it is almost always better weather
in Montana than any other place,
but this fall seems to be the hum
dingerest of all.
The Erickson and Hagen families
went across the river taking in the
scenery last week
The Frederickson family have
moved into Wolf Point for the win
ter.
Several from this community at
tended the show at the Liberty last
Monday evening. This nice weather
is an inducement for people to get
out bit while the getting is good.
Now if only those big cars would
put on their DINNERS when they meet
anyone, the grade would be made