davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

was in such condition that they
couldn't no rats live in the same
house with it and they all ducked.
This Was q Mean Trick.
The other neighbor is a man We
will call Buck and great cheese
fancier but could not keep no cheese
in the house over night without the
rats making a bum out of it. He
bought himself a iron safe and tried
locking the cheese up in that but in
some way or another the rats got a
hold of the combination and it was
good-by cheese.
Then he had a great idear namely
he instructed his wife and son and the
servants to go around TO different
parts of the house where they knowed
the rats could overhear them and
keep mailing remarks like "The
Schwobs have got q whole lot better
cheese than we ever had around
Schwobs gets there wonderful cheese.
and etc.
Well it was not more than 2 or 8
days when all the rats had left the
Bucks house and went looking all
over Kensington for the Schwobs
house and the rats had no sooner
went when Mr.. Buck put screens Oh
all his windows and kept his DOOR
all shut and locked, and now he is il
the enviable position of being able Il
sing "Yes we have no rats today"
These couple of incidence may be o.
service to the dept. of Agriculture
and to individuals who is anxious t.
get rid of rats and now in regards
to the rhyme, why / feel like the,
might be a slight possibility that {
rhyme appealing to the rats sens'
of shame might have a effect on thu
situation if the rhyme was printed
in large type and copies of it wa
posted in places where rats is wan
to congregate like the basement, tn
pantry, the bath rm. and in barn
and silOs and etc. And here is tn
rhyme / would suggest:
Rats, rats, you animal pests!
| Have not you gotten no heartss II
your breasts?
Know we full well that you're unwei
come guests
| In barns or in houses or flats!
Have ye no pride that you won't g
From places where nobody wants yol
to say?
No wonder the people speak of 20;
today
As rats, Rats, RATS
Copyright 1928, BY the Bell Syndicate
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

That a person can be scared be-
You'd words was never better Illus
trated than one night last week when
a man rushed uD on the front porch
of the home of Travis Jones, 22O1
River avenue, and began to pound
on the door. After asking the intruder
several times through the glass what
he wanted, and receiving no answer
except frantic gestures, Mr.. Jones,
thinking perhaps the man was. just
trying TO gain entrance into the house
opened the door slightly and allowed
him to slip his head through, where,
upon he held him there for several
moments.
"They are trying to kill me-" the
frightened man finally succeeded III
saying.
Mr.. Jones opened the door and
walked out on the front porch. Two
men, he said, were standing on the
sidewalk, and when they saw him
turned and ran away.
After several minutes their would
be victim departed in the opposite
| direction,
Mrs. J. X. has seen her first an1
lust baseball game. She says So.
unlIke the husa! nd in the funny
paper who likss to sneak off to til,
game On Sunday without wife, j. Il
wanted to get his "frau"-his worn
for her-interested and has kept aftel
her steadily to take in a League ParR
exhibition with him.
Last Sunday. with a double-headeE
on the boards. she finally consented
That's the last time, absolutely,
she says now.
Let her tell it. :.
"Of all things THAT'S the way il
starts-"Taking me out there 10 make
a scene of me. Things were all right
but ! was getting q little tired, whel
all of a sudden everybody began call
ing the umpire names. John here col
awful angry. You might have thought
the poor umpire really did something
serious the way John cut up. He called
him a "robber" and a "thief" and
yelled for somebody to kill him. II
made me feel terribly self-conscious
He kept standing up and waving his
arms and shouting and / kept tryirl
to null him down and make him keel
quiet and all he'd do would be tC
turn around and snarl "Hey. let GO
What are you trying to do? Can't yoi
see he's trying to rob us of the game.'
He even threw cushion.
"Well. he Guieted down after 9
/ while but every now and then he't
call You low-life bum or some sucl
rude remark or mutter under hi
breath. And he was grumpy and shor
with me. l called his attention Il
some neoDle we knew in a box below
us and he said Rats
"When everybody got up and begaI
10 leave. he said come on and rushed
me through a little gate out on tn
field and. Of all things. he dashed NJ
TO man in a black suit. with me dc
ing nv best TO hold him back. AM
shook his finger at him and hollere,
at the ton of his voice 'ynu crook. !
It wasn't for these cops. I'd bust yo'
in the jaw. Imagine me. ] said, n
low rs / could and vet loud enoug'
for him TO hear. blushing, / know. nj
the while "John. for heavens sake
come on now and don't make scene
know everybody in that iamme,
baseball parl1 was looking at me an
diving laughing. Oh. I was just nor
titled to death. Never again will h
ever get me 70 go to see him shnN
what . rOughneck he is. No. Nc
NcveriT
John Mutters amen" from benin
~ his paper. -
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

sonly but still and all the dept. must
know there business and any way
when l get call for help from the
old U. ). l am the kind of u man
that wont turn them down provided
they amt fighting Germans or some
thing.
Let En- Have Cheese.
But would like to state first off
that some of my best friends has
been rats and lived right in the
house with me and l never heard Il
squeek out of them that was no.
justified and you might say that we
have always had our rats under
pretty good control and they have
staid in there place and very seldom
come upstairs, but at the same time
j know good many families where
the rats done a lot of damage and
eat up great deal of food including
cheese which / might say at this pit
that as far as j am concerned the
rodent tribe can have all the cheese
in the world.
But what ! started to say was
know places where rats has acted
very annoying and had to be eithel
got rid of or controlled so i may
as well give the dept. and the public
the benefit of my neighbors expert
ence in handling the situation.
Well, they was one neighbor wit
we will call Gibbs, who the rati
around his house got TO be absolutell
impossible. They would not do moth
ing, he said, and was running wilt
all over the house and even using hi
bath tub.
This man and his wife entertaine,
a good deal Of Co. that wanted t
take baths and it kind of wOrr 4
them to go in the bath rm. and fiut
The tub occupied. by couple of dirt!
rats. So Mr.. GIBBS got mad at hi
rats and made II IN in his mind tina
he-yould give them the air but how t.
so<about it was the next question.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
Who Started Vacations?
BY O. o. M'INTYRE.

Outside Of hearing defens,.css han
anas Eyes. yessed" in a cabaret know
of nothing SO boresome as vacation
Most OF US are driven our of CON-
Portable surroundings just to pen that
CLASSIC fib: "Having good time, wish
you were here" !
! an one Of those tfreles nit-wits
who accepts the general idea that each
summer / must 60 away to be far
from the madding throng.
l have the feeling want to hear
the white foams lash the cliff or sit
beside some romantic chasm beneath n
waning moon and for my urge ] re-
eeive in return a flossy set Of chigger
bites and a sun bllstered back in some
forsaken spot where the jazz of life l.
epitomized by an owl boot.
On my last vacation my table COM
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

To the editor:
Am in receipt of a letter from
The L. S. dept. of Agriculture at
washington, u. c. which l will copy
down a part of il as follows:
~ Dear Sir: Among the various
problems allotted TO this Bureau is
ffcluded that Of rat control. There
IS a constantly growing demand for
relief from the depredations of rats
which indicates ain awakened reallZa'
ton of the great economic import
hnee of controlling these pests"
= Then the letter goes on 10 say
that the dept. is conducting a pub
hcity campaign to try and get anti
rat movements started all over the
country and then the letter winds up
like the following:
. This campaign is proving success
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
RHYMES to ROut Rats
BY RING LARDNER

Well, when he was a boy he had
read a story about a pie-eyed Piper
in Hammond, Ind, that bought him
self pipe and played tunes on 1t
and walked out of town and all the
rats followed him on acct. OF how
they could not resist the music.
Mr.. Gibbs was kind of puzzled as
TO how the Piper had got any music
out of a pipe as he did not realize
that they was a musical instrument
called pipe, but all the pipe he
knowed about was the kind you
smoke but he thought il the Piper
had learned TO play on one why he
could, too, so the went on and bought
himself tobacco pipe and he tried
to learn TO play it but could not, so
he smoked it instead and in about
8 wks. OF steady smoking the pipe
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
Squirrels or

you and inquired: Squirrels or
eggs.'
l took both and ate neither. That il
the kind of breakfast it was. But they
gave you plenty of milk and drank
so much Of it that l felt like going
right out and playfully mooing at
Sadie, the lady COW.
Go Berry Picking.
After breakfast the crowd began
to gather on the front porch. The pro-
prietor, with a fresh set of grins, came
around to pass toothpicks and looking
out over "Elysian Dell" inquired:
"Ain't this pitcher no artist can
paint?" No self respecting artist would
try.
The piece dc resistance for the day
was berry picking. I'm one Of those
strange persons who can pick berfy.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
What Do You Know About That?

JOINING A GROUP raters under discussion, the
md with the remark that he had Also 1917 Ford
@LAw AND ORDER WRITES that he would not for the world
girls in Texarkan and killing policemen
III Port Arthur than playing penny ante in San Antonio
SHAKESPEARE WAS RIGHT when he questioned
dispatch from Paris recently told of the
breaking of the bank Deaue "a French named James
Honnesy and a Britsher named Pulcinell."
NOTWITHSTANDING GROVER CLEVELAND Bersdor noticed
that lot of parents naming babies after the president
THE WEEK ENvENED for the city editor by application
from young man nearby town who has learned heem OF
correspondence and willing to join the staff at nominal sal
airy of say 500 a week"
windows advertising
melons lee observer found four in which there two Is in water
melon.
OFTEN SEEMS spend of time finding
things that general knowledge For instance scientific body has
Just that extraction of tooth the extreme of human PAIN
CHARLES BARTHOLOMEW. charge
firmly convinced that of the most ubiquitous mischief makers the
Antonio rcdcemng his
makes the plea that it pushed" into forbidden parking by
someone"
CITIZEN Ripper al headquarters
few As they talked the chiefs pipe
visitor smoking The citizen noticing asked How do like this
ppe? The chiefs "Fne if it out field"
"THAT nIundlcy
many advocates among motorists who believe that driving car will
the wrOtenndy method of getting rid of them the most humane
INSTANCE the effort and time
following solicitation last week when
invitation Antonio firm
dealing with the firm for 20
ONE OF THE NEW AND much used Japanese
recently blackberry wide and without
visible of propulsion On closer inspection 1t was found "
carried in the hands of urded boy about two years Old who was
stroll entirely naked for the protection OF @
the the paraso scrapd on the
concern that his
ventionaI lack Of costume
SPEAKING OF BASEBALL the best fans in San Antonio is
district who sits in the
Park his duties allow And the judge has
superstition the ball He has pass
doesn't it. He buys his ticket each day. goes through
inside tremendously throws away the pre-
place in the watch pocket Of his trousers.
CITYDwELLING ACQUAINTANCE asserts that the greatest
old home other Just as
walking odtme sidewalk and having
one OF loose boards and skin his shin.
SWORN bachelors has been augmented with
his girl in small town nearby
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

full, but additional posters and press
material are greatly needed and we
feel that one of your rhymes would
prove a valuable addition TO this
work and should you feel inclined
to contribute it would be very much
appreciated"
Well friends ] amt wrote one of
my rhymes in many a moon and
further and more / don't know what
kind of a rhyme would kill any rats
unlest you wrote them with a poison
pen and then left them lay around
where the rats might read them per-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
BY GEORGE ABE.

Children throw Moss Roses in his
Pathway.
There is no other Joy in Life com.
parable to that of flinging the Ha Ha
at Relatives who predicted that you
would finish on the Gallows.
Also there is a lot of dirty Salts.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
lO1nn
Sims
Says

Boston man broke n robbers nose.
Never stick your nose into other peo-
pies business.
Two New York crooks who had
no etiquette books slapped girls
face and took S4eG4.
The world gets better. French
haven't enough oil for a war.
Autos are so scarce in parts OF
Mexico, Jose Silva Of Mazamltla has
lived IL years.
The watermelon crop is short. This
is verified by statistics and by dry
cleaners.
France thinks it is her treaty and
Germany's treat.
Would you believe the oldest type.
writer is only 80!
It's a very, very foolish congress-
man who doesn't have his picture
made pitching hay.
Red headed girls are supposed to
be the vogue this winter. Better
get you a couple.
Never stick your head out train
window or an auto. Another one is
liable to knock 1t off.
|
Stylish winter dancing pumps have
bells on them. This should keep
other bellies off of them.
Added to her other horrors Ger
many, poor Germany, is suffering
with hoopskirt revival.
They say the waltz will return this
fall. This is the third fall they have
said 1t.
New York cop arrested a boot
logger. Sounds like a case of mis-
taken identity.
Save your Palm Beach and Seer.
sucker suits. You can wear them
for underwear this winter.
"Women are prohibitions back.
bone" says Pussyfoot. Men are the
wishbone. He's the funny bone.
Man in Reading, Pa, has five wives
all red heads. Let him meet the
Firpo-Dempsey winner.
Boy Of eight robbed twenty stores
in Middietown, Conn. Working 81
hard will stunt his growth.
Michigan woman offered our gov
eminent n three-colored cat. WI,
not 1t buys white elephants.
Where's your wife? Los Angelo
woman must pay her husband alimony
Read it to her.
Germany is exporting beer pills
Merely drop one in water. Then yo'
want to fight Germany.
Bunyan's house will be saved. III
wrote Pilgrims Progress. Som
think him corn cure.
Spain has q rat plague, which vii
boost her silk stocking trade.
Paris wire says Mrs. Bullitt is d
vorced, without shot.
They say baseball Is replacing bul
fighting in Spain, Maybe the umpir
] replaces the bull. ----------.---
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

faction in going back and permitting
the local Luminaries who snecred Al
you because you were patched in thu
Rear to crawl M and touch the Hen
of your Garment.
And could anything be more
dramatic, as q Sequel, than to have
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26
Keuer!

Sonny-Pa. will there ever be .
woman president
Pa-No. my SON. The constitution
says the president must be over 80
years, and women don't get that old.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

Grocer-Haye they named the new
baby at your house yet?
Boy-Well, pa called it some names
last eight chen il woke him up--but
1 don't think we'll call it any Of 'em.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-26

Officer, l have just been robbed Of
my watch!
Were there any features by which
to identify it?
Yes. my sweetheart's picture.
u. l sea woman in the case,
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14
BREAD AS FOOD.

Bread takes a more prominent
place than any other single article
of food in the diet of the average
person. 1t is usually served at
every meal and often is the chief
item. This is due, says the bureau
of home economics Of the United
States Department of Agriculture
to the fact that bread contains
most food materials needed for
health, and is inexpensive, whole
some, palatable. and very gener-
ally available. When it sells at
10 cents a pound, bread furnishes
fuel or energy at about eight
cents a thousand calories.
There are few common foods
that supply fuel in so cheap a
form. The man who works hard
with his muscles can safely eat
pound or two day without
crowding out his diet the other
things he must have. Bread is
useful not only for fuel but also
to some extent as muscle build
ing food. II made from the whole
grain, it contributes a good
amount to the supply Of mineral
substances needed.
Milk supplements it in some
ways very well, and combination
Of bread and milk is therefore a
more nearly complete food than
either bread alone or milk alone.
1t did not take science to tell our
ancestors that bread, milk and
berries made good supper, but
science has confirmed thier opin-
ion by proving that the combina-
ton provides nearly everything
needed for health, even to the
latest word in dietetics-vita-
mines.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

rather than tissue building ma
terial as does protein.
The sugars contained in honey
are cane sugar, grape sugar and
fruit sugar with nearly rs per
cent of them made up of grape
and fruit sugars. 1t is because
of this fact that honey is con
sidered by physicians to be a bet
ter food than cane sugar. The di-
gestive system is saved work, as
the energy is in an available form
and is readily absorbed, even by
those whose digestion is weak.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14
One diseased hive Of bees may
mea nthe total destruction Of all
the colonies near it.

Every one advocates better
transportation facilities and low
er rates. This can be brought
about by giving us more patron
age. We carry you for 5 cents a
mile, 1t costs you, with your own
car, from 8 to 10 cents per mile.
Help build up the island by pat
ronizing your transportation com
panies.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14
FOOD VALUE OF HONEY.

Honey, like fruits and other
foods containing a high percent
age of sugar, should be classed as
carbohydrate. A carbohydrate
food is one that furnishes energy
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE-400 April Matched
Tancred strain white Leghorn
pullets, now laying, for immediate
delivery. Price $1.75 each. r. A.
Wise, phone black AL.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE-400 yearling hens
have averaged 1856 eggs in last
IL months; price 80 cents each.
E. d. Doyle, Cove, Phone red 55
between II and | p. m.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE-I have left with me
a new Auto Knitter and about
40 pounds of yarn, which will be
sold at a bargain. w. D. Garvin.
Vashon.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

during the fore part of October
to investigate the Burton PENN
sula as \ prospective site for the
state home for elderly members
and orphan children.
Mrs. Ina Randolph and d0ught-
er, Miss Mildred, who have been
visiting at the home of the form
ers brother, W. j. Mcgowan, left
Tuesday on tie II. +. Alexander
for their home at Glendale, Calf.
Mr.. Mcgowan and Miss Lola ac-
companied them as far as Seattle.
On Tuesday evening Of this
week 20 members of Island lodge
No. DAT chartered a fishing boat
and journeyed to Tacoma where
four candidates were initiated in
to the order. Island lodge is tax
Ell on new life and is adding to its
membership in a satisfactory man
ner.
The members of the Royal
Arch chapter will attend a meeting
of a Seattle chapter next Tues
day evening. They will return on
a specially chartered launch from
the Lillico dock, Seattle, at II is
p. m. and any other islanu pass
engers may make the Trip with
them on the return trip.
Mrs. Jane A. Adams, Mrs. Kate
Needham and S. d. Adams, moth
er, sister and brother, respective
| ly of Mrs. Fl. P. Waldron, who
have been here for two or three
weeks, left Friday last for Ia
coma, accompanied by Mrs. Valid
ron. where a family reunion was
held. The two ladies then left
for their home in Wisconsin and
Mr.. Adams returned to his home
at San Jose, Calf.
Mrs. Geo. Conklin and Mrs.
Chas. Wiel gave a beach party to
several of their friends last Sun
day, and those who We're so for
tunate as to be have been invited
declare they had wonderful time,
with lots of good "eats, and a
merry time in general. Mrs. Conk-
lin will soon be leaving the island
and her many friends join in wish
ing her a pleasant time where
ever she goes and hope to see her
again next summer.
Miss Leila Laughlin, who has
been spending the summer at the
home Of her brother, DR.. Cowden
Laughlin, left the first of the
first of the week for Miles City,
Mont, where she will visit a short
time before going on to her home
in Ohio. l.. M. Laughlin, a broth
er, who also was here for the sum
mer, returned to Bellingham to
resume his position as instructor
in physics in the Whatsom high
school. DR.. Laughlin has a leave
Of absence from his work at Fair
bault, Mimi, and will spend the
winter at his home near Vashon.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

Ten cents per line first insertion, five
cents for each additional Insertion:
minimum rate 25c, cash in advance.
Remit in stamps or M. O.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

Wholesale Produce. II. Rodds
pays net cash prices for veal,
pork and beef, also hides. Phone
us for quotations. Red 1872. 4
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE OR RENT-6-room
house at Vashon; furnished or
unfinished. Address Mrs. G. NJ.
Harrington, Vashon, Wash.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

For a business education inves-
tigate Success Business School
Seattle, Wash.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE-Good forest wood
delivered anywhere within a
reasonable distance of wood lot.
Light trucking and hauling done.
Chas. Martindale, phone black
S35, Portage. If
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

The home location committee of
the Masonic grand lodge is expec-
ed to visit the island some time
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

Mrs. F. W. Gorsuch was down
this week from her home at Fern
dale visiting at the home Of her
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Stephen j.
Harmeling.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

FOR SALE-Will have for fall
delivery about 10000 Oregon
Champion gooseberry piants-thc
very best stock. l invite your in
spection of these. plans. Elmer
l!ameling.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

GET YOUR P.-I. and TIMES
from G. L. Tjomsland, authorized
agent for both papers. Sunday de.
livery. Phone Red III.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

w. V. Garvin and daughter
moved to their newly purchased
residence property at Burton on
Tuesday of this week.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

Mrs. W. D. Garvin left on
Tuesday of this week to spend
two weeks visiting at the home of
Major and Mrs. Campbell at Port
land.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-09-14

Fred Stevenson and Louie Dep
man were on the island from
Hoods Canal where they are en-
ployed as truck drivers on high
way job. Victor Richardson,
formerly of this place, is foreman
on the construction work.