The Washington times., 1923-09-08
STORIES TO
TELL

revenue of his railroad was grow
ing less and less, even though,
save Ter an attack of spavins, the
railroad was doing a very good
business. Meanwhile, Conductor
Michael O'ouinlan was doing very
well. In fact. his prosperity
reused the suspicious OF the
president of the line, and one
day, after the last trip had beer
made the suspicious executive
went into the car barn and
watched Michael counting UP the
days profits.
Michael sat inside the car
with the money on the seat be-
fore him. He would count 90
cents and place it one side, ana
then 80 cents mere from the
heap would be- placed on the
other side. Fifty cints for
me, so cints for the company.
Fifty cints for me. so cints for
the company"
This went on until the pile
had been divided, all but the last
90 cents and this bothered Mike.
The piles were even. To whom
did the last so cents belong:
Michael cogitated upon tais
question, but at last he solved
it. Throwing it in the air he
exclaimed: Cali that sticks to
the bell rope belongs to the conl-
pany."
A Iumberjack with q broken leg.
was taken to hospital for treat
ment. After the leg had been set
the nurse asked him how the acct
dent occurred. He replied:
"You see, ma'am, it was this
way: I was skyhooking for the
Potlatch Lumber Company and L
had only one ground mole. He
sent up big blue butt and she
was a heavy one. saw her yaw
and yelled to him to give her a
st. Croix, instead of which he
threw a sag into her and gunned
her, and that broke my leg"
YES" the nurse replied. but
I don't exactly understand"
Neither do l." said the lumber.
jack. 1.-THE darn fool must have
been crazy"
The man Of the house in name
only mopped the bald spot in front
where his forehead should have
been and gazed with intense
hatred at his wife a few steps
ahead. It seemed evident that he
was about to divulge confidence,
and the hotel clerk leaned toward
him with a friendly, expectant
glance. The grumbling one came
nearer to the clerk and said:
when I got married her folks
told her not to do it and my folks
told me not to do it. Said it was
a misalliance and we wouldn't stay
together a week. Misalliance
nothing! I've been married twenty
years and I can't even get out for
one night"
This story is told of a former
commissioner Of the city of
Washington. D. c. After taking
office he set forth to acquaint
himself with all the city acriv-
ities.
In due course he reached st,
Elizabeth's, the hospital for the
insane. One of the doctors told
him to just wander about the
place and take his time to seeing
It all thoroughly, warning him
to humor any of the patients
with whom he might come in con-
tact.
Some time later he was am
used to find patient who was
having trouble trying to ride a
Eheelbarrow.
THAT is a fine horse you nave
there" he said.
This is no horse" said the
lunatic sourly. This is my
hobby"
81 thought it was the same
thing said the commissioner.
trying to be agreeable.
Don't you know the difference
between a hobby and a horse?"
demanded the patient. We'll,
you can get off of a horse"
One mother who considers the
marcel wave as the most fashion
able way of dressing the hair,
was at work on the job.
Her little eight-year-old was
crouched on her fathers lap,
watching her mother. Every
once in a while the little fingers
would slide over the smooth and
glossy pate which is her fathers
mo waves for you, father"
remarked the little one, you're
Xii beach,
1t was a hot Sunday in Nav.
In a little room on hard wooden
benches sat forty wiggling, little
humans. The hot sun poured
through the windows. the teach
er's inexperience added 20 her