Evening star., 1923-05-25
CAPITAL KEYNOTES
BY PAUL Y. COLLINS

smell the eau de cologne on the in
toxicated roses, while he sings:
Be 1t ever modern. there's no place like
chloroformed home.
Splendor dazzles in vain.
Deliver me from my etherized cottage again.
The curfew must not ring, nor the
roses bloom, before the week OF bet
ter Notwithstanding June 4; hence
this etherization OF the rambler roses
They shall not ramble tonight,
!: II 4
The Supreme Court decides that no
ship can be permitted to come within
three miles of our shore having OF
board any intoxicating liquor. Italy
France, Spain and England have Law
requiring all ships sailing under their
fags to carry liquor at all times. The
only way TO comply with both laws
would be to anchor the ships outside
the three-mile limit. AS that Is i'm
practicable, the United States Treas
ury has called upon the State Depart
ment to negotiate some form of com
pliance with our laws on the part OF
other nations until Congress complies
with the laws of other nations. l.
that time limit to be computed by the
Einstein theory or the old Copernicau
measure of time?
y 4 \ 4
Science tells US that the western
hemisphere once was part of Eu-
rope and Africa. but that it broke
away and drifted westward. 1t is al
legged that Newfoundland is still
drifting farther and farther away
from Europe at the dizzying pace OF
fifty feet a year Supposedly All
America is keeping up with the
i
rate, if not stopped by some inter
national traffic policeman, it will get
far enough away from the prcscI
three-mile limit line by 1880 years
after Congress meets to leave the
anchored ships even twelve miles
from the coast.
y x x i
On June 9 President Harding and
certain other high officials of the ad-
ministration are to be magica1ly met
amorphosed into Tall Cedars of Leb-
anon by certain wizards at Milford,
Del.
Just what is the purpose of this
cedar stuff is not made clear, but
one may Surmise from knowledge
in general of the uses of cedar. 1t
is valuable for making hope chests.
1t keeps out the moths which cor
rupt. Its balmy odor is refreshing
TO tired lungs
The democratic version that it is
always green and bears no fruit that
is edible is understood to be mere
partisan propaganda, if not camou-
fiage.
= = = x
There is a dispute as to who is the
oldest postmaster in the service. The
postmaster of Caledonia, Ala, is
ninety-three years old. but he re-
minds one of what Queen wilhelmina
is alleged to have said to Kaiser VIII
helm once, some years before der
tag, when she was standing beside
the great war lord and reviewing the
crack regiments of the world-to-con-
quer army. AS each tall regiment OF
picked men passed before the royal
box the queen remarked: Not tam
enough!"
This finally got on wilhelm's
nerves, and he demanded what she
meant with her mot tall enough"
At last the queen explained that
soldiers only six feet six inches tall
would never be able TO march through
her dyked domain, where in a few
country ten or twelve feet deep,
Not tall enough"
So, what Is the use of postmas-
ter's boast that he is ninety-three
years old and has served the poStai
service so many years. Our letters
might have started even before he
Was appointed
Anyhow, there is a postmaster at
Philomont, Va, who is ninety nine
years old, and, as he has served since
1889, we can't explain why we didn't
get all the postal cards more prompt
ly. It's UP to Postmaster Tavenner
to elucidate.
Copyright 1929, by P. V Collins