San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-04-29
BY IRWIN S. COBB
Illustrated by Jefferson Machamer

Punched who? 1 says.
The thousandth one he says.
Early tomorrow morning. he says,
I'm going TO get sealed bids and estj-
mates on a clean shave. But first he
SAYS. in celebration of a historic oc-
casion, I'm giving a little supper to-
night to the regular boarders in the
Jail. l guess you'll have to excuse me
seems to me like 1 smell the turkey
dressing scorching.'
and with that he goes inside and
locks the door behind him, and don't
pay no attention to us beating on the
bars, except TO open an upstairs win
dow and throw a bucket of water at
US.
That's the last straw. NJ legs
gives way, both at once, In opposite
direction. Sweet Caps he drags me
across the street and props me up
against a building and as he fans me
with his hat / speaks 10 him very
soft and faint and low.
Sweet Caps I says, Tn through,
Leave me- / says, and make for civil
ization. And / says II you live TO
get there, come back sometime and
collect my mortal remains and bury
EN- i says, in some quiet, peaceful
spot. No, / says, don't do that
neither! Bury me- I says, In q
Chinese cemetery. The Chinese.
says, puts vitals on the graves Of
their dear departed, instead OF flow.
ers. Maybe, 1 says, my ghost win
walk at night l says.
~'Look there says Sweet Caps
pointing up Main street on the ctheS
side. Read that sign he says.
Il look and reads, and Il says -
a front window:
Undertaking and Embalming In Al
Its Branches.
.I rallies a little. SON boy I sayA
you certainly are one thoughtful LID
tie guy-but can't you take a joke? !
talk about passing away, and before
| get the words out Of my pore eIs
hausted vacant frame you begin to
pick out the fun'el director. What's
your rush, ] says Can't you wait
for the remains?
Keep cam he says and looh
again. I don't mean the undertaker'A
he says; I mean the place next door
beyond. It's a delicstessen dump he
says, containing cold grub all ready
to be ct without TOOLS he says. And
what's more he says. the worthy
delicatessener Is engaged at this pres
ent moment in locking up and going
away from here. In about halt an
hour he says, he'll be setting in his
happy home. And shortly thereafter
he says. 'what1l you and me be do-
ing? Well be there. in the vittles
emporium in the midst Of plenty he
says. filling our midst with plent Of
plenty. That's what we'll be doin"' he
says.
"'Sweet Caps / says, reviving
slightly, remember who we are? Re
member the profession which we
adorn? Would you says sink to
burglary:
'Scandalous,' he says. with feeling.
I'm so hollow I could sink about
three feet without touching nothing
whatsoever. Death before dishonor,
but not death by quick starvation.
Are you with me- he says, or. amt
you?
"well. what could you say 10 an
argument like that? Nothing, not q
syllable. So eventually night ensoos.
And purity soon the little stars come
softly out and at the same juncture
me and the Sweet Caps Kid goes in.
We goes in an alley behind that row
Of shops and after feeling about in
the darkness for quite a spell we finds
back window with a weak latch on
it and we prizes it open and we crawls
in.
"Only. Just as we gifts inside al nice
and snug, Sweet Caps he has to 80
and turn over a big long box that's
standing up on end. and down it
comes ker-blim! making a most hid
eous noise. Then we hears somebody
upstairs run across the floor over
our heads and hear 'em pile down
the steps. which is built on the out
side of the building to save building
'em on the inside Of the building
and in about half a minute fire
bell or some similar appliance down
the street a piece begins to ring its
head off.
The stuff's off, says Sweet Caps
TO me in deep, skeered whisper.
Let's beat it,
mix I says. You fasten that
there window I'm too weak 10 run
now. and If they'll give me about five
minutes among the vittles I'll be too
full to run. Either way! says. it's
a pinch, and l says. we'd better face
It on a full stomach, than an empty
one
~'But they'll have the goods on u.s.
he says.
Son I says. If they'll only hang
back a little We'll have the goods in
us. Bar that window l says, and
let joy be unconfined.'
$50 We fastens her up from the in
side. and while We hears the aroused
and Infatuated populace surrounding
the place and getting ready TO begin
10 think about making up their minds
TO advance en- masSy. | pulls down the
front shades and strikes a match and
lights up a coal-oil lamp and reaches
round for something suitable TO take
the first raw edge off my appetite
such as a couple OF hams.
-Then right off sees where We has
made fatal mistake. and my heart
dies within me and I jest plub col
lapses and folds up inside Of myself
like concertina. And that explains
he concluded. why you amt seen me
for going on the last eighteen months"
did they give you eighteen months