davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
a sad Mistake.

Two correspondents wrote to a
country editor to know respectively,
'the best way of assisting twins thru
the teething period" and how to rid
an orchard of grasshoppers." The
editor answered both. questions faith
fully butt unfortunately, got the names
mixed. so that the fond father was
thundersuuck by the following advice:
"If you are unfortunate enough to be
plagued by ths little pests, The quick
est means of settling them is to cover
them with straw and set the straw
on fire."
The man bothered with grasshop-
pers received this reply: 1.-THE best
way of treating is to give each warm
bath daily and rub their gums with
boneset."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Wrono Aoaia.


In recent election a man n tfs
audic ce was vistogi Us over Lac
~og- 3e candidate to me last
The speaker pas pn that e.s.ert O.
cay tasks, Affecting tie goyel nment,
when the heckler ciiSd out:
You 4e wrong, sir!"
a little nettled, the candid oea
tinded without needing. Pres -.ly, in
answer to another strong assertion,
came again
You're wrong sir"
The speaker looked angry. a-t con
tinued on the warpath
You're wrong, sir" again r ne cus.
Angrily addressing the pe7si9t eat IL
terrupter, the candidate criel
Look here, could tell this nam
something about the government that
would make his hair stand On end"
You're wrong again, SIR came
from the critic as, amid roars Of the
crowd, he stood up and removed his
nat.
His head was as bald ds billiard
laii!
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Jaat So.

Election tins was dfaT'iGS near and
an enthusiastic POI --clan was al
dressing ais constituents in ffenzied
speech. Not few Of his assertions.
reauced 10 cold thought. were diamet-
rrcally opposed to one another. but
each proposal was received With ap-
plaase. A Judge turned 10 his COM
pnnien and said. This reminds ne
OF the Irish leader who was cheering
his men on to battle. Min, said he,
we are on the verge of battle an /
want to ask We before We start, viii
yez fight or Will yez rum
1--WE will came chorus of eager
replies.
(which will We do? said he.
"'We will not says they.
Ana, thank We me mint says
he, thought We would.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
A Real Answer.

An Irish waiter named Kenny was
noted for his wit and ready answers,
A party of gentlemen who were stay.
ing at the hotel heard of Kenny's wit
and one of them made bet that he
would say something that Kenny
couldn't answer at once.
A bottle of champagne was ordered
and the one who had made the bet
took hold of the bottle and com
menced to open it. The cork came out
with bang and flew into Kenny's
mouth.
"Ah," he said. that is not the way
to Cork!"
Kenny took the cork out Of his
mouth and replied: mo. but it's the
way to Gill-Kenny."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

He came home late from the nnil
and entered home smelling as only
a home can smell after a heavy days
washing. The good woman had retired
SO Tom sat down, ate his supper from
the basin on the table. and retired
also
Did tina find the supper to tina Xix
ing LADY, she asked sleepy.
Aye, did an. all. ate the lot.
liked the liquor vera well, but had a
rare job VII the tripe."
"Iripei. cried his mate, 4tripe7"
AYE tripe in basin on table"
"Well, well! If tha's ate what was
in basin, tha1l have to buy thaself
new collars and all. COS tha's eaten
collars and starch. Tha supper was on
q plate in tn oven"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
A Marathon.

He was college professor. greatly
beloved because of his kind heart, but
with the common scholastic failing Of
being absent-minded. He visited his
married niece and listened to her
praise of her frst-born. When she
paused for breath, the professor felt
that he must say something.
Can the little fellow walk ~ he
asked, with every appearance of in
terest.
''Walk?s cried the mother, indig,
nantly. why, he's been walking now
for five months!"
"DeaT% met" exclaimed the profess
sor, again relapsing into abstraction.
What long way he must have
gonei"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
He Understood.

gentleman was arraigned before
a judge OH a charge OF obtaining mon
ey under false pretenses. He had just
entered a stole, pretending TO be a
customer, but proved to he thief.
"Your name is Jim Lickmole?" said
the judge.
~ Is, sir
'And you are charged with a crime
that merits long term IN the peni-
tentiary?"
Eyes, sir
"And you are guilty of the cTime!"
81 am"
"And you ask for no mercy?"
mo sir"
''You nave had great deal OF trou-
bic within the last two years?"
Yes. sir. have"
"You have often wished that you
were dead?"
81 have, please your honor"
"You wanted to steal enough mon
ey to take you away from this city,"
You are right, judge"
''lf d man had stepped up and shot
you just as you entered the store, YOU
would have said, Thank you, sir?'
Eyes, sir. would But, judge, how
did you find out so much about me?"
"Some time ago." said the judge,
with a solemn air, st was divorced
from my wife. Shortly afterward
you married her. The result is con
elusive. I discharge you. Here, take
this fifty dollar bill. You h9ge suf-
fered enough"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Reversed.

An Eastern publisher is credited
with a unique criticism OF story tell
er who had begun promsingly, but
soon degenerated into the lowest type
of best seller" This gentleman's
biography" said the publisher, "can
be compromised with Two questions
and answers thus: How did he be-
gin writing?' With wealth of
thought. How did he continue?
With a thought of Wealth.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
a Shiny Nonleman.

TIE grandfather Of the present Duke
Of Westminster, though enormously
wealthy was never noted for his gen.
crosby. One day he observed that his
valet was wearing a pair OF lavender
trousers.
"Those are very good trousers, my
man., he said. did give them to
you?"
well, there's a lot Of wear in them
yet. Heres a shilling for you, and I'll
have them back again.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
what He Would DO.

A British officer inspecting sentries
guarding the line in Flanders came
across a raw-looking yeonan.
"W'hat are you here for?" he asked.
ITO report anything unusual sir"
"What would you call unusual?"
Il dunno exactly. sir
"What woaIl you do if you saw FIVE
battleships steamins across that field
yondor2"
"Sign the pledge, sir"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Chan1ed Ills Mind.

An Alabama negro was defended in
court by Senator Morgan. having
cleared the negro OF the charge, the
Senator said 10 him Isastus, did you
really steal the mule?'
.'WeE, Ni;.rse Morgan, it was JUS,
like this, said Rastus. 4 really
thought that / did steal dat mule. but
after what you said to the jury ! know
l didn't
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
I<no.gs What 10 Go.

"Duwaile IS not brilliant CONVEX
sationalist.7
mo. Still. he has a certain amount
of tact
"Yes?"
"Vhen there is a hull in the CONVEX
sation he gets up and puts new rec
ord on the monograph"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
AGENT
INSIDE PAGES

I Auto News.
Trenton Letter
New York Letter.
New Jersey Briefs.
Legion News
Prominent Mems Views.
Fashions
Foreign and q. s. Naws briefly told
for busy men. wemenand children
Read THE INQuInER and keep
posted
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
cutie So.

81 see a New Jersey judge has fined
himself for speeding.
That's no more than just"
"Rnd suspended sentence"
"We-ell, that's no more than hu-
man
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Works Goth Ways.

Agitator- Look at the differences
Of condition among citizens. When a
man owns steam yacht, it's sign
tina. there has been robbery some
where
Observation-Disclosures that's so. ]
bought three or four of them, and was
robbed every time"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
easily fixed.

"My wife hears a good many imag-
mary burglars"
'And what do you DOR
~ always run to the wfndoy aad
ses an imaginary policeman"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

"Afraid I can't let you go by with
out password, sir"
@But, confound you'll | tell you I've
forgotten it. You know me well
enough, I'm Major Jones'"
Cant help it, sir; must have the
password.
Voice from the Tent-"oh, don't
stand arguing all night, Bill; shoot
i'm
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Where the FIGHTING win Be.

$50 your husband has joined the
Army"
YES; he's been pat in the commits
sary department"
That's safe place. He won't see
any fighting there.
why won't he? TIN be up to him
TO discharge the cooks, won't it?"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
nae Retort Eemlnine.

She--Wnat do you suppose Harold
meant by svna;ng me those flowers.
Also She he probably meant to i'm.
ply that you were dead one.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

Subscribe for
THE MON MOU TIL INQUIRER
One Oollara Year.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

1. The Youths Companion cassaiRs s $3.50 fos
2. McCaIIs Magazine, IL Fashion Numbers 100 $40
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

coupon Pub IstERs OF
YOUTHS COMPANION BOSTON MASSACHUSETTS
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

4. The Youths Companon-52 Issues for 1929 ALL
z. AL the Remaining Weekly Issues Of 1922 $50 gn
3. The Compar1ion Home Calendar for 1923 -.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
ALASKA POLICY
 SIDETRACkED BY
 PRES. COOLIDGE
INDICATED, HOWEVER THAT THE HARDING POLICY FOR DE-
 VELoPMENT BE ADOPTED

WASHINGTON, D. C., September 21 President Coolidge, although he has temporarily put aside the matter of his Alaska policy to take up more ur- gent problems. it was declared at the White House that his inclination IS toward adopting the plans for the de- velopment of the Territory as outlin- ed by President Harding in his Seat tie address.
 In his decision to follow the Hard ing plans in Alaska, President Cool idge,. it was declared, would be guid- ed by the feelings of the Harding cab met members who accompanied him on his Alaskan trip. The President be- lieves that they had unexcelled oppor- tunities to study the problem of the Territory, and that he could hardly do better than to accept their judgment and benefit by their experience.
 It was stated at the White House that President Coolidge intends to do all in his power to encourage enter prise and to induce the investment Of capital in Alaska, and provide such conditions as will afford the Territory larger population.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
CAPACITY HOUSE AT
 LIBERTY LAST NIGHT

A capacity house greeted "The Man without a Country" the American Le- zion film, at the Liberty theatre last night. It was one of the greatest pictures ever brought to Seward and the big audience was more than pl..as- ed. Captain Dancey made a brief, in troductory address in which he told of the need of Am eciGanization of how "The Man Without a Country" was proving powerful agency in the work.
 The fine orchestra in attendance was great treat to the audience The wonderful historical value of the pie ture was impressed upon the audi ence with each succeeding reel, the fidelity of the characters to the origi- nal, the truth in fact of all the incl dent made the film something that had an inestimable value to the peo- pie of Seward.
 Captain Dancey spoke to the school children yesterday afternoon, and there were many citizens in attend ance. The value of an education, the example of good citizenship, all these and more were rolled up into two hours of mirth and serious facts. The children sang and Capt. Dancey sang war songs and the occasion was one that will be long remembered by the children of the school.
 If conditions permit on his return from Fairbanks, Capt Dancey has promised to tell the school the story of his escape from the eGrmans. the story that appeared in the Saturday Evening Post
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
MRS. SELMA SCOTT
 ADMITTED TO BAR

Mrs. Selma N Scott was admitted to practice as an attorney in the courts of Alaska by an order of ad- mission made this week in the district court at Valdez. The examining com mittee were J. H. Murray, A. J. Di- mond and l.. V. Ray. They reported favorably on Mrs. Scott's examination.
 Mrs. Scott is now chief deputy clerk of the district court of the Third di- vision at Valdez. Last spring she was secretary of the senate in the Terri torial legislature at Juneau. She was stenographer in the office of the Uni ted States attorney at Nome from 1910 to 1912. She began the study of law there. In 1915-16-17 she studied in the office of L. V. Ray at Seward while employed there as stenographer and has continued her studies during the past year at Valdez.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
MASS MEETING SUNDAY Is
 FREE TO ALI

The Citizens of Seward are invited to attend a Public Mass Meeting to- morrow afternoon at 3 o'clock in the Liberty Theatre.
 This will be the closing number of the Legion's Americanization Pro gram Captain s. N. Dancey has a message for the people of Seward, and he will shoot it straight from the shoulder without fear or favor.
 Mayor L. V. Ray will preside as chairman of the meeting. In addition to the address by Capt. Dancey, there will be short musical program and community songs There will also be an open forum question period when the audience will have an opportunity to discuss national and international conditions.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
COOLIDGE CHANGES HARD|NC'S 5 PLANS
 OVER RAILROADS

WASHINGTON, Sept. 22-President Coolidge has decided to abandon one of the big policies of the late Presi- dent Harding, that of compelling the railroads Of the country to consolidate into regional systems, it was learned today from authoritative sources. It is the first of the late presidents ma jor policies to go into the discard un- der the new administration.
 Regional consolidation was the rem-- edy for tl.e railroad problem favored by Hardilty and Senator Cummings, chairman if the Interstate Commerce Commission It furnished the key note for all of the late presidents utterances on transportation matters during his fatal western trip.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
Alaska Out of Seattle
 Light Passenger Listing

SEATTLE, Sept. 22-The steamship Alaska sailed this morning en route to Seward and way ports. She had 1O6 passengers, the following being listed for Seward.
 Capt. F. Irving, W. B. Raeburn, P. Belts, c. Verhaey, D. Pinch, w. F. Dorland and wife, c. B. Hooking and wife, Miss R. Link, Edith M. Harri- son. c. L. Jones and wife, Chas. Jones F. McDevitt, Frank H. Foster, Mrs. w. J. Longacre, Frances and Dora Long acre, John J. Corey, Buckley Wells and wife, Mrs M. Finkelstein. J. A. Mcdonald and wife, Mrs. M. M. Viii lis, John Market.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
NORTHWESTERN ARRIVES
 AHEAD oF HER SCHEDULE

The steamship Northwestern arriv- ed in port about 2 o'clock yesterday afternoon, nearly day ahead Of her schedule. The trip up is, reported to have been good one, with calm wea- ther.
 The Northwestern will leave at goo o'clock tonight for Seattle and way ports. Passengers arriving at Seward yesterday were: Mrs. P. J. Hussey. Miss Hussey, Mrs. F. Johnson, Mrs. A. B. Johnson, Lilly Johnson, J. o. Da- Vles, Mrs. Anna Tuomi, Mrs. M. R. "lllls' John Markert, J. B. Basker- Vile, Mrs. J. B. Baskerville, Jack M. Hogg, Miss Olive Tuomi, and three steerage.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
SECRETARY WORK
 DENIES RUMORS OF <: <. CHANGE BY. HEAD
IT IS BELIEVED TERRITORY WILL BE BENEFITED

A letter was received here on the last boat, by Secretary Fucker of the Chamber of Commerce from Secre-- tary Work, stating that no change Is contemplated in railway heads at the present time.
 Like the people of Alaska, I am very much interested in obtaining the most successful administration of the Alaska Railroad,' writes MT. Work, ito the end that the Territory may re- ceive the greatest possible benefit therefrom, and you are assured that no change of any kind will be author ized by me unless am convinced that Alaska through the Alaska Railroad will be benefited by it."
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
OKLAHOMA HOUSE
 WILL ENDEAVOR ID
 IMPEACH GOVERNOR
OF KHAN PLAN TO DUST EXECUTIVE FOR INTER-
 FIRING WITH KLANS

OKLAHOMA CITY, Sept. 22.-The lower house of the Oklahoma legisla- ture will convene here Wednesday to consider charges brought against Gov ernor Walton, who has been instru- mental in prosecutions of members of the Ku Klux Klans in Tulsa county. The governor will be charged with having set the constitution at naught by calling out the state troops to pre- vent parades by the Klans.
 Members of the legislature state that if the Governor attempts to in terfere with the convening of the leg islature he will do so at his peril. Friends of the Klan will seek i'm peachment of the executive.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
ENGLAND SPENT MILLIONS
 IN OCCUPATION TURKEY

LONDON September 21-It has cost England 29,115,OOO pounds sterling for the occupation of Constantinople and the adjacent area since the Armistice in 1918, Premier Baldwin told the House of Commons today.
 These figures, he added, did not rep resent the extra cost to the taxpayers of the occupation. since the greater part of the occupying forces would otherwise have been employed else where. The extra cost was estimated at 16,OOO,OOO pounds sterling. The Premier further stated that the AL lied governments have decided to forego any claims against Turkey for the cost of occupation of Turkish ter ritory.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
Forest Fires Checked
 In Cascade Districts

PORTLAND, Sept. 22.-Rainfall to the west of the Cascade mountains last night, from Eureka, Calif., north checked smouldering forest and bush fires and reports today showed ocndi- tions greatly improved, at least tenn porarily. Millions of dollars worth of damage has been done the past week by forest fires.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
American Legion Dance tonight.

Capt Dancey has asked fo Ia meet ing of American Legion and Women's Auxiliary to be held Sunday evening, following church services All selv- ice men, whether members Of Legion or not, as well as ali men bers ana available for membership in Auxiliary are asked to attend at g p. nj. Sun day evening in M. E church.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
FIRPO WANTS FIGHT N BUENO5 A|RES
 NTH HARRY WILLS

NEW YORK, Sept. 22,-Firpo has agreed to meet Harry Wills at some undetermined time, but insists that the fight be held in Buenos Aires, while Wills insists on it being held on American soil.
 Harry Wills has signed up for a 1O-round bout with Homer Smith of Kalamazoo, Michigan. Smith stayed ten rounds with Firpo last August.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
CALIFORNIA BANK
 ROBBED OF PAYROLL

WEED, Calif., Sept. 22-The First National Bank here was held up and robbed today. As the bandit came out of the bank with his loot, Charles Drury, the teller, took shot at him with rifle. but missed.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
ROOSEVELT WILL SUCCEED DENBY
 SECRETARY NAVY

WASHINGTON, Sept 22.-Secre- tary Denby wants to retire and Theo- dore Roosevelt will soon become Sec retary of the Navy, marking the first change in the Harding cabinet under President Coolidge if present plans are carried out
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
Colonial Line Steamer
 Wrecked on Sand Bank

NEW YORK, Sept. 22.-One hun dred and fifty passengers from the Colonial Line steamship Lexington, after the vessel had grounded on a sand bank 13 miles south of Provi- dence, R. l., according to reports re- ceived at the company's offices here
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
PRESSMEN RECEIVE
 ADVANCE IN WAGES

NEW YORK, Sept. 22.-Publishers and pressmen entered into a con tract today ending the strike called this week. The union members re ceived an advance of s3 per week and reduction of from three to seven hours in the number constituting a weeks work
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
POSTOFFICE TO TRY
 OUT MAIL FLIGHTS

DETROIT, Sept. 22.-The postoffice within the next few months will make another test of day and night trans-continental flights to determine whether theSe will be suf- ficient business between New York and San Francisco to warrant a con- tinuous service.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
SCHOONER REACHES SEATTLE WITH
 A|NUNDSEN FLYER

SEATTLE, Sept. 22.-Sailing all the way from Wainwright, Alaska, far above Nome, to the Lake Washington canal, through which she was lowed with her own motor launch, the schooner c. S. Holmes, Captain John Backlund, arrived here today.
 On the Holmes was It. Oskar Om- dahl, a Norwegian army aviator, who accompanied Amundsen north. Om- dahl brought his plane with him on the schooner.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
NAVY NEEDS SHIPS;
 AND NOT AIRPLANES

WASHINGTON, Sept 22.-The Uni ted States navy must be built around a battleship rather than an airplane, Capt. Luke McNamee director of na- val intelligence maintained in an ad- dress here.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
MARTIAL LAW IN
 FORCE IN SOFIA

WASHINGTON, Sept. 22.-The Bull garian legation announced today that it had received word that the govern ment of Sofia had declared martial law throughout the country in order to prevent the spread of revolutionary doctrine.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
YESTERDAYS BASEBALL SCORES

National League-New York s, Pitts burgh 4 New York 8, Pittsburgh 1; Brooklyn g. Cincinnati f. Others not scheduled.
 American League-Detroit 8, Bos- ton 4; Detroit 15, Boston 6, second game. Others not scheduled.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
ADVISES GIRLS TO
 NOT GET MARRIED

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo, Sept, 22.-Chiefly because marriage is a sort of slavery, Mrs. Oliver P. Bel mont of New York, president of the National Woman's Party, declares that she would not recommend mar riage for any girl.
 q would not say that marriage is a failure, but statistics speak for them, selves"
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
HIRAM JOHNSON TOUTED BY
 NEBRASKA REPUBLICANS

LINCOLN, Neb, Sept. 22.-A politi- cal group here favorable to Hiram Johnson for the Republican nomina- ton for the presidency in 1924, have launched a movement today to have his name placed on the ticket at the Republican primaries.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
OLSON & MEHERiN WILL
 PLACE BOAT ON YUKON

Olson X Meherin, the we'll known Alaskan firm of travelling men, will place a gasoline launch on the Yukon river next season. It is a specially built and equipped craft and will be kept for use by the firm on it's lower Yukon trips.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
PLAYS PERFECTED
 FOR REELECTION
 OF PRES. COOLIDGE

WASHINGTON, D. C., Sept. 21- Frank Stearns, of Boston, William M. Butler, republican national committe, of Mass, and James B. Reynolds, per fected plans for the organization and conduction of the fight of Coolidge for the republican nomination for the Presidency. Reynolds was his mana ger in nineteen-twenty.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
PRESIDENT OF CONGRESSIONAL
 CLUB

Mrs James F. Byrnes, wife of the Representative from South Carolina, who is president of the Congressional Club in Washington. This is an or ganization composed entirely of wives of members of Congress.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
TRAP ROBBERS OUT ON BOND

w. J. Beach, F. w. Harris and A. Carter, of Juneau, arrested recently on charge of fish piracy were re- leased on $2500 bonds this week. The men are alleged to have robbed trap at Tenakee.
Seward daily gateway., 1923-09-22
Former Alaskan Whalers
 Sail for New Zealand

SEATTLE, Sept 22.-The former Alaskan steam whalers, Star l, Star 2, and Star 3, sailed this afternoon on 7000-mile voyage to engage in whal- ing in Auckland and the Toss Sea.