The Washington times., 1923-03-11
The Family
Album
BY "BUGS" BAER.

pouy was opening his mail.
Pop is SO suspicious that h,
wouldn't even smoke q cigar
first. He always let aMother Eel
low start the cigar. Then POI
would follow him down the street
until he dropped it. Then ~Por
would pick it up and smoke il
Because he knew 1t was safe and
had been fumigateds by expert
ence. Some folks thought that
Pop was q loafer. But Pop was
only cautious.
That's Pops picture here in the
white coat He had 1t taken
when he got 3 job In the santa
rum. He was to sweep up the
floor and feed Puss.
Pop would go into the room
and sweep around for weeks with
out annoying one straw in the
broom. Then he would feel the
patients pulse and report.
The doctor said. Whats the
pulseg''
Pop would say, sixty to the
minute And no matter how
many pulses he reported, they
were all running sixty to the min
ute. Finally the doctor got mad.
He said. You're crazier than q
bee trying to sting 4 bronze
statue Of the man who invented
waffIes with honey. Pulses can't
MI rum sixty to the minute. =
Pop said. They run sixty to
the minute in this antiseptic jail
house. II I'm crazy, you'll in
herit my estate for being my
nearest relative
That made the doctor SO mad
that his punctuation got over.
heated. and il his neck hadn't
been made Of some good rubber
insulation, his celIuloid collar
would have exploded with all on
board.
So the doctor ran out and
watched Pop taking pulses ana
then started to laugh SO hard
that his three chins got chafsd
from rubbing against each other.
The doctor said, ''IIa, Ha. You
Ain't taking pulses You're TAX
ing wrist watches Z
Then he threw Pop out So
quick that Pop resigned without
baggage.
Pop didn't know much about
medicine, and thought that the
Inside Of wrist watches was ny
giene and anatomy. The doctor
said that Pops system would
have made alarm clocks serious
relapse.
Well, Pop lost that job and Nom
wouldn't give him any slipper,
and about an hour later she
found Pop stealing crumbs out
Of the parlOr' aquarium.
Pops guilt stuck out like
doorknob in IN ostricf's throat.
but he tried to brazen it out, and
said he was ony tryins to pet
the goldfish.
Nom fetched him welcome
across the neck with dishrag
and said, Here, take this and go
put and pet those dishes in the
sink"
That made Pop assert his real
American citizenship papers. aand
4 IT hadn't been for the supersti-
tious chivalry and manhood that
ran in our family, l think he
would have punched her the third
time. Nom finally managed to
register zero on Pops adding ma,
chine with a handsome chair leg
that was reserved for guests only.
Pop went out Of that door like
Q shad up the Delaware. He
hollerd for the Sheriff in some
very frightened dialect. An Of
ficer came along with his front
and rear badges blazing at top
heat.
Pop said. Are you the Sheriff."
The officers said, II am. All
but sixteen votes"
Pop said, MY wife raised a
blue ribbon lump on my skull
with a Louis Sixteenth chair
leg"
The officer ran his hand over
his own head. He said, "You
ought to be glad she didn't run
the scale on your dome from
Looey the First to LoOey the
When it comes to
family fights. I'm only the laugh
ing Sheriff. Keep running down
the street and you will meet the
serious Sheriff."
For a man who had been
educated on Wall Notices. Pop
was intelligent enough to see that
the law was wearing its own
handouts in this matter. SO he
came home and apologized 10
Nom, and when the sun was sink
ing in the west, they started
arguing again and Pop pulled in
his neck just in time to let the