, 1923-03-11
Sure, Isaac Newton" Was
Expert on Income Taxes;
AS Are ALI Cuckoo Birds
BY JOHN HANDSHAKER
(A1ias Weed Dickinson.)
6necIal Casper Correspondent-

: DEADERS:
IL Well. Readers. I am Just talking
yesterday with the only guy in the
world which understands the Income
Taxation. and I will say that do I get
"A few more minnits to talk with him
I will be able to keep put Of jail for
violating artickle XI OF the General
Instructions. which says For Making
False and Fraudulent Return. For
Making No Return, and For Failing
to Pay Tax When Dew or Undertake
ment of Tax Through Negligence. 1
am liable to owe the ~republick
$40. 900 or One Years Imprisonment
or both. at the Descresslon OF the
court.
Well. the way It looks now that I
ave lost the one guy which can ok
plain II to me. I hope the court uses
its Descression, because Il will make
a Awful Monkey of itself II It tries
to collect $4,000 Off me, I will stated
You can not draw blood u OF a
stone" (S~ockrates, I think; and court
or no court I am very likely to mako
a False and Fraudulent Return with
out meaning to. now I nave not got
this guy to advise me
Wei. 1 am sitting at the tipe writer
yesterday when the Boss comes In
n says have I made out my In
come Taxation yet
Well. Reader. I have not, and far
thermore I eve have to before;
owing to not being paid enough. for
tunately. before to warrant the gov
in asking me impudent ques-
tons written in English on a Chinese
Chart-and believe me. Reader. I
never realize how much thank I owe
Bosses for not paying me more in
other years until I lamp a Income
Taxation Return Blank yesterday
The Old Man says 1 had better get
right at It, because It is dew in
March. and I can take the afternoon
off to start on It. Well. did this
baby assign me to translate racing
charts into the Fonecian or Sum
Arabic languages he would be hand
ing me a soft thing compared to a
Income Tax Returnl
Well. I am a pretty wise goof,
Reader, and there is probably nobody
better qualified by Nature and
Mental Detainments to get a decision
off a Income Tax Return than me;
but after / have studied his thing
about three hours, I realize the dope
1 have been hearing about Income
Returns being troublesum Is grossly
underestimate. I have not been at
Il more than i've hours before 1
realize / am hopelessly outclassed!
why this government has got 70
show its learning and mathematical
ability by making Income Returns
out like they was a ~treatace by You
cid or this Roman MATHEMATICIAN
Calculus, I do not see. 1t Is bad
enough TO take a guys money OF
him-and ask him a lot OF fresh CUES
lions like is he living with his wife
and has he any other half-wits or
cuckoos dependant on him. without
making all the questions that amt
impairment SO complex he a not
understand them. The more I see
Of governments. the better I like
places like the Sarah Desert I hin
before we get through with Income
Taxes this government OF the peo'
pie and by the people will noor the
people, as Abe Lincoln said
Well. I add Total of Items ~ to 46
inclusive to the Total of Item 20
(which IS Item II multiplied by Item
IA and Divided by Item 16) and then
substract Item A (which is Income
from FIdeuceiaries plus Income from
Bonds containing Tax-free c%ovennnt
after which I multiply the whole by
Item 9S (which is Items 80. 40 and
Alb minus Items sch. 4ob. and 41) and
find that / am now a Debtor Cor
poration"l
Well. 1 know this is wrong. so I do
It over once more with the same re-
suits. Well by this time I am
Babbl'ng to myself and trying to