The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-03-16

/ hope they'll all forget thiS verse
And yet, when it IS hot and nice,
III have to start in buying icel
*&*s%%
That uneasy look you see on the
faces of people will stay there until
sufficient time has elapsed since
the filing of their income tax until
the time when they can feel that
there is no longer any danger OF
an inspector shopping around!
%*s%sa
"Out of the Frying Pan Into the Fire
Men used to complain and grumble
and growl and swear if their wives
demanded an accounting of their pay
envelopes on Saturday night, but now
that we have "women's rights" the
government does it for them!
+&&+%*
Who can remember the time when
the 18th of March meant good old
Irish stew? Hi VI.
+*%%a+
Evidently sho needed hath!
"He bathed IN her gertle presence
and watched the sweet oval of her
gracious washable facet Mary Brecht
Pulver in the Saturday Evening Post.
#*&+&%
Mary, Mary,
Quite Contrary,
Why write such awful quips?
And if the truth
Re known, forsoota,
He kissed her Numbered lipsl
%++*%A
A Problem in Dimensions.
Said the Trenton Times in its
personal column" "Mrs A. j. Nc
Gowan is suffering from broken
angle"
And we wonder if it was repaired
with an acetylene torch or an angle
iron
OUR OWN FAMILY ALBUM
Continued from last week.
This picture on the right-hand
page, opposite that of Aunt Matildy,
is that of Uncle Abijah. Isn't he meek
and humble looking? But you would
expect that after having seen Aunt
Tidy! Uncle Bige got an awful lac
ing from Aunt Tidy one Sunday af-
ter they had returned from church
because he mumbled during the ser.
vice.
The minister had read the text
| BLESSED are the meek, for they shall
inherit the earth" That's what caus
ed Uncle Bige to humble. 1t was tn,
only time during their married lif
that he ever seemed to revolt. Thos
sitting in the next pew claimed tina
what Uncle Bige mumbled was
"They oughter inherit something af
ter bein' talked out of their right
| by a bossy woman!" Aunt Tidy sal
special prayer for his sinful sou
that night!
| Those funny whiskers Uncle Big
wears are not his fault, so don
blame him for theml They happene
like this: Aunt Tidy was an arden
member of the "Missionry" Society
One Thursday afternoon the Societ
entertained an eminent visitor fror
one of the heather countries who ha
been converted into a preacher. H
was dark villiarous looking mar
but he could bow and scrape SO tina
he soon had all the "Mission'ry" So
ciety in a flutter. He had those fun
ny whiskers just like Uncle Rige ha
now. A sort of continuous mustach
running from the upper lip dow
both sides of the mouth and connett
ing in a brush-like mop on the chin.
Aunt Tidy came home in a fun
ny of enthusiastic excitement "BigC
that 'Mission'ry' has hair just tn
color of yours. And | know yo
could have mustache and bear
like his!"
Uncle Bige drew his breath i
! sharply it sounded like spilling waite
| on a hot stove. But he didn't say any
thing. He knew it was useless.
Aunt Tidy gave sniff at Uncl
Bige's look of CONSERVATION, and kep
right on. IL want you to start RICH
now and III tell you how you've go
to let it grow" And he did! And sh
did! And that's why poor Uncle Big
had to 60 thru life looking like
cat that had caught its snoot in
salmon can!
1t made no difference that it wa
discovered after the distinguishes
"Mission'ry" had left that he had rob
bed several members of the Societ,
and also absconded with the silve
communion servicei Aunt Tidy said
"Never start anything you can't fin
ish!"
| After the funny whiskers had got
ten a running start, Uncle Big
wouldn't so out where people coul'
see him unless Aunt Tidy dragge,
him out. One night while he was milk
ing with the light of lantern, tn,
COW heard him mutter thru clenche,
teeth, 81 hope they grow out as stiff
as wires, so that when | kiss her it'll
make her mouth bleed" And the Gov
stopped eating to taught
Ito be continued)