davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Tickle Your
Funny Bone
Psbaw, dancing is only hue.
ging set to musicg'
rs that any drawhack?,'
A blooming IDIOT who married a
wallflower Is reported to have
two daughters who are. buds just
coming out.
Those eggs you sent.me wore
very ripe"
How do you know THAR,
asked the grocer.
"a little bird told me-, :;
Teacher tendeavoring to teach
four less 'twol-Now, children. IL
you went into a candy shop with
cents and spent 2, what would
you have when you came out?
Jane ebrightlyl Candy.
Small Boy to hot dog vender--
Say. mister. only got a nickel:
give me pup.
"Say, Brown, they tell me that.
prohibition was quite surprise
to you. Is that sb?"
mo. it just took my breath
away"
sailor-say. Name. I don't like
your hair straight.
she-Well. you needn't think
you can rule the waves around
here.
81 wisht I had about : thou,
sand SO bills, right now"
Hot Ho! Any perticIar dates3"
The poultry experts announce
that the hens of the country are
all set for a big season.
Agent-You can't hear the en-
CINE of this car run.
Murphy-Bedad! An how could.
a man tell II it stopped?
How is the case coming out?:'
Can't tell yet" said the lawyer.
These jurors often fool YOU"
Fool your"
Many of them are not as stupid,
as they look"
Budding: WHAT'S that. mother?
That's an octopus
Gee couldn't he neck, thought
Nasty lookin' brutei Why
don't y get rid o. hirn?"
Lion Tamer-weII, I've got a
sort of sentimental attachment
for that lion. You see, my wife's
inside him.
'aThe average wife. 1t Is claimed.
needs a dozen pairs Of shoes an
aually.'
1.-THE average wife needs a lot
OF things she doesn't get .-.s
"Eben Bump. you lazy, loafin'.
useless goodfernothin'. what you
done all this year, I'd like to
know"
"wen, I. seen tn first robin
Peevish Young Husband-Why
the deuce do you make that din
every EVENING" a.ia'
His Bride-So the neighbofs
shan't hear you kissing me-
stout Lady-Little boy. could
you get me glass of water7
''Nuthin' doin'. I'm done.
waterin' elephants"
NOTED PHRASES
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

More than one hundred minis
tiers took UP golf last year, but
nobody has ever heard of
golfer taking up the ministry.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Diplomats started two wars last
year. Ministers started 1889 Of
them by marrying that many cou-
pies.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Campus |
Wit |
She-It's no use bothering me,
Jack; shall marry whom !
please.
He-That's all I'm asking you
to do, dear; you please me well
enough.-Virginia Reel.
You can talk of work in the
navy, but we have snap COM
pared to the work of a dentist.
His existence is just one big daily
grind.
What is this synthetic gin I've
heard SO much about?
Oh, it's a beverage which makes
you see double and feel single.
Judge - Officer, what is the
charge against this man?
Officer-Stealing nine bottles of
beer.
Judge-Dismissed Nine bottles
do not make case. - Lemon
Punch.
''This is my car" exclaimed the
irate tourist to the garage man.
'sand what / say about it goes
seer"
Just then a dirty faced machin-
list crawled out from under the
dead machine and said pleadingly,
''Say engine mister. '-Drexerd.
She - Chauncey, I have bad
news for you.
He-For me?
She-Yes, / was at fortune
teller's this afternoon and she told
me was to marry q handsome
man.-Awgwan.
Sylvia George was the goal Of
my ambitions, but
Marion-But what?
sylvia-Father kicked the goal.
Bison.
"And she wore beautiful
lawn Dress"
''Is she Hawaiian"
Phoenix.
''How far can your ancestors
be traced?"
my grandfather was traced to
Australia, but he was never
caught. Virginia Reel.
81 told him he wasn't ito see
me again.
"And what did he do?"
HE turned out the light
Virginia Reel.
A little girl from the city had
been visiting in the country, and
was being questioned as to what
kind Of time she had. Finally
someone said, 'Pll bet you don't
sven know how to milk a cow" 4
''Bet 7 do she said.
She was pressed for particu-
lars. and explained: "You take
the. COW into the barn and give
her some !. breakfast food and
water and then you drain her
crank-case. "-Prairie Farmer.
Judge-What was the offense?
Prisoner-This man walked up
70 me and said he was dry.
Judge-And what did you do?
Prisoner soaked hin.-octo-
pus.
Voice over the phone-Is Mike
Howe, there?
At the other end Of the wire
What do you think this is, the
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
/ FIGURE IT UP
There are moro than $4,000 jack
rabbits in Texas, but less than
per cent Of them have ridden on
fsrryboat.
Diplomats started two wars last
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

1t is said that there are six
educated elephants in the worlds
largest circus, and yet none of
them has ever seen a movie
picture show.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24
FIGURE 1T UP

There are moro than $4,000 jack
rabbits in Texas, but less than
per cent Of them have ridden on a
fsrryboat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

There are 100000 goldfish in
captivity in the United States,
but practically none of them
knows how to whistle.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

At the other end Of the wire
What do you think this is, the
-yards?-Awgwan.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

You can talk of work in the
navy, but we have snap COM
pared to the work of a dentist.
His existence is just one big daily
grind.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

What is this synthetic gin I've
heard so much about?
Oh, it's a beverage which makes
you see double and feel single.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

A bilwig Is a gawfer whA: ex-
plains he was tryin' DOT some
hing new after missdn' a shot.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

A Newark boy has three sets
Of teeth. The cost of his brushes
and tooth paste have alarmed
his parents dreadfully, but they
plan to meet the extra expense
by getting him a job cracking
nuts in a delicatessen store.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Judge - Officer, what is the
charge against this man?
Officer-Stealing nine bottles of
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

In this era o. bootleg whuskv
it's nae anly tn diver .wha is
frequently doun in tn depths. :
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

a blooming idot who married a
wallflower Is reported to have
two daughters who are buds just
coming out.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

The poultry experts announce
that the hens of the country are
all set for a big season.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

"Eben Bump. you lazy, Ioafin'.
useless goodfernothin', what you
done all this year. I'd like to
know"
'well. I seen tn first robinr
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Il wisht I had about thou.
sand $40 bills, right now"
"HoI Ho! Any pertic1ar dates2"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Agent-You can't hear the en-
CINE of this car run.
Murphy-Bedad! An how could.
man tell If it stopped?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24
Tickle Your
Funny Bone

"Psbaw, dancing is only hug.
ging set to musicp'
''Is that any drawback
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

More than 100000 Americans
are now wearing wigs. OF this
number, rs per cent are girls
who had their hair bobbed and
repented of it shortly afterwards.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Those eggs you sent. me wore
very ripe"
How do you know that?',
asked the grocer.
"A little bird told me- :,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

A Government official SAYS
that there are $4,000 rattle.
snakes in the Rocky Mountains.
but it is extremely doubtful
whether any of them will ever
learn to play harmonica.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Small Boy to hot dog yender--
Say, mister. I only got a nickel;
give me a pup.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Wit

She-It's no use bothering me,
Jack; 1 shall marry whom !
please.
He-That's all I'm asking you
to do, dear; you please me well
enough.--Virginia Reel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

SAY. Brown. they tell me that.
prohibition was quite a surprise
to you. Is that sb?"
mo. it just took my breath
away"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Mony a guide citizen hae been
hoodwinked In joinin tn Ku Klux
Khan.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Voice over the phone-Is Mike
Howe, there?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Teacher (endeavoring to teach
four less 'twol-Now, children. IL
you went into candy shop with
4 cents and spent 2, what would
you have when you came out?
Jane (brightlyl- Candy.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

''This is my car" exclaimed the
irate tourist to the garage man.
'.and what / say about it goes
seer"
Just then dirty faced machin-
list crawled out from under the
dead machine and said pleadingly,
''Say engine mister. '-Drexerd.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

How is the case coming out7:'
Can't tell yet" said the lawyer.
These jurors often fool you"
Fool your"
Many of them are not as stupid,
as they look"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Peevish Young Husband Why
the deuce do you make that din
every EVENING" ''.
His Bride-So the neighbofs
shan't hear you kissing me-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

saiIor-say. Name. I don't IKE
your hair straight.
she-well. you needn't think
you can rule the waves around
here.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

1.-THE average wife. it is claimed.
needs a dozen pairs Of shoes an.
aually.'
1.-THE average wife needs a lot
OF things she doesn't get
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Judge-What was the offense?
Prisoner-This man walked up
TO me and said he was dry.
JudgeAnd what did you do?
Prisoner soaked hin.-Octo-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Judged Nine bottles
do not make case. - Lemon
Punch.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-04-24

Budding: WHAT'S that. nlother7
That's an octopus.
Gee couldn't he neck. thought
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12

 A. s. s. Go Steamer Total Loss
 The freight steamer Lake Geb hart, commanded by Captain Gus Swanson, that went on the rocks near Umatilla reef We'd nesday morning broke in two on Friday, and is a total wreck.
 After pounding on the rocks for 24 hours, all hope of saving the vessel was abandoned and the crew taken off to safety.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
lease Of ForeI&n Prisoners Held By
Bandits.

Pekin May12
 United States Minister to Chi na, Jacob Gould Schurman. yes terday delivered an ultimatum to the Chinese government from the United States demanding the release of all foreign prisoners now held by Chinese bandits in the province of Shantung.
 It is further intimated that in event of a single death among the prisoners, serious interna tional complications may be ex- pected. Punitive expeditions from the different world powers will undoubtedly be sent over unless the demands are compiled with immediately, as the prisoners are said to be in a deplorable con dition,
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
Lausanne May 12

Lausanne May 12
 M. Vorosky, the head of the Russian Soviet delegation to the Lausanne peace conference was assassinated by Morris Alexan. der Coardi, former soldier in the Russian army.
 Later Shanghai May 12
 A later message relating to Lu cy Aldrich this afternoon states that she was forced to sleep in dog kennel outside of Chin- csc village, clad only in night gown, and that she was ravenous for food while in captivity. Tien Sien May 12
 Major Roland Finger, U. s. A. one of the captives of the Shu Chow bandits yesterday sent out letter from the ba ndits stronghold urging that the gov ernment trosps be withdrawn, and that the outlaws demands be complied with as soon as pos sible.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
Seattle May II

Seattle May II
 James P. Daley an oldtime resident of Alaska and a mem Der of the Pioneers was today agent for the Alaska Steamship Company. Mr. Daley will assume the management of the steamship company's office a tNome immediately.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
MILLlONARE'S SISTER REL
 BASED BY B ANDITS

Tien Sien May II
 Thursday Miss Lucy Aldrich sister in law of John D. Rocke- feller Jr. arrived in this city on 8 night train from Tsinanfu; city located near the bandit strong hold.
 According to Miss Aldrich's statement, she was detained by the bandits, at their stronghold for period If two days. After ward she was taker to a nearby village and given over to the keep ing of ative women. The follow ing morning soldier escorted escorted ner to the railway sta tion at Tsinanfu, where she board ed train to Tien Sien. Miss Aid .drich states ill treatment Was accorded her during her detain mant, but that she does not know the reason for her release
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12

Bill Ma arhar who is employed by Martin Harrais arrived in town Thursday with a hor e and left for the creeks Friday morn ing with aload of supplies.
 Bil Hai wh) h as been em ploved by the A. R. C. for the past couple of months arrived in town Wednesday and is making his he sdqn arters at the Golden for the next few days.
 Mrs. Elizabeth Underwood ar rived from the outside on Fri days train. Mrs. Underwood spent practically all the past winter in Seattle, visiting friends and relatives.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
Effect

derwood was also ali arrival from the outside on yesterdays train.
 Frank McKinnon left for Chit tn the first ot the week and from all accounts had a pretty tough trip in.
 Dexter Cayonette left for Dan creek Thursday to begin work the claims he holds option on.
 Shorty Gwynp is moving his supplies for the summer out to his homestead.
 The ball grounds were the cen terof a great deal of activity dur ing, the past week. The boys have cleaned up the field in good shape, and have cut out the brush in the outtiel6., There has been some cinders put on the infield, and the backstop will be ike d by the end of next week.
 The stage drivers put in few strenuous hours of work at Black burn, Tuesday evening. saving the Kennecott road from wash ing away when a flood came in the gully which crosses the road 1 by the extinct community.
 Sig had the misfortune to fall in the drink and get thoroly sou sed.
 l John Amber for many years "a resident and property owner in Mccarthy left for the Outside this week. He intends to join his wife in Detroit, where he is contemplating making his home.
 Jimmy Morris is leaving for Dan Creek to begin assessment work on the Underwood prop erty. One man is to be employed
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12

Bill Berry who has been re- ptiring the telephone line to Dan Creek returned to Mccarthy Tuesday evening having com pleted his repair job.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12
LOCALS

Word was received on the last mail that GEM. Cole, former publisher of the News has been issued final certificate of mineral entry for the Cole Bench placer claim. Frank states that he spent t vo we eks in Juneau straighten ing up some important matters pertaining to his patent. This property adjoins the Andrus holdings on Chittu Creek and is considered rich by many pros p9ctors who rave been over the ground.
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12

Jimmy Morris is leaving for Dan Creek to begin assessment work on the Underwood prop erty. One man is to be employed
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-05-12

Scotty Atohinson. arrived in from Shushanna this week and will spend few days inMcCarthy and vicinity.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-10-10
SeafOrth

F. E. Sylvester, cashier of the Far
mers State Bank of Belview transact
ed business here one day recently.
The schools were all busy the past
week packing Xmas boxes to send to
colony of foreign orphan children.
The Ladies' Aid will serve dinner
at the hall on Thursday of the pre-
sent week.
Bert King arrived home from sew
eral weeks sojourn in Montana on
Wednesday.
John Fixen, the Rawleigh man of
Wabasso was waiting on his custom
ers in this vicinity on Saturday.
Leo Jansen of Marshall was bust
ness visitor here on Tuesday.
Both the village and rural school
teachers are attending the teachers
institute at Lamberton this week.
Jack Corcoran spent the weekend
with his family at Redwood Falls.
Mrs. Chas. Davis and son Mark were
Redwood Falls shoppers on Friday.
They were accompanied on the return
trip by Ross and Dorothy who spent
the weekend at the home of their par
ents.
w. R. Goudy transacted business in
Belview on Friday.
The Degree of Honor initiated
candidate into the order at their re-
gular meeting on Wednesday,
Geo. A. Davis, wife and daughter
Inez were visitors at the Marshall
home on Saturday evening.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-10-10
Sanborn Has Creamery

The new Sanborn Creamery will op-
en- for business next Monday morning,
October 9Th. This is the best news.
from an industrial standpoint, that has
been broadcast to the Sanborn COM
unity for long time.
Mr.. Steinberg and son are busy this
week putting on the last finishing
touches to the new equipment. A
steam engine is being installed to be
used in emergency cases, when the
electric power might be shut off.
The new creamery is model for
cleanliness and sanitation. The in
terror is all finished in white, the floors
are of cement with proper drainage,
and all the equipment is arranged in a
convenient manner. The large built
in refrigerator was filled with ice this
week, and maintains temperature of
"a degrees.
The Sentinel hopes the new cream
cry will receive the hearty support of
the whole community, in order that
the investment Of thousands of dollars
by the Steinbergs, will bring them the
success they deserve.-Sanborn Sen
tinel,
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-10-10

Miss Lucie GIFTS was the guest of
her parents at Marshall over the week
end.
Sheriff L. j. Kise was business
caller at Lamberton and Walnut Grove
Friday.
Mrs. M C. Carlson left Tuesday for
a visit with relatives in Minneapolis
and Alexandria.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. P. Kragh of Brook
vile township were Sunday guests of
Sheriff and Mrs. L. ]. Kise.
Mrs. Wenzel Tauer and two children
returned Monday from a short stay
with relatives at Sleepy Eye.
Walter Milbradt left Tuesday morn
ing for Minneapolis called there by
the death of Mrs. Milbradt.
John Schmid, Fred Schmid, Frank
Japs and George Mantzke were Sun
day visitors at Diamond Lake.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. F. jackson and
Miss Rose Huot motored to Wanda
Sunday and attended the church sup
per and bazaar. They were also Wis
itors at Lamberton.
The Redwood Falls Farmers Club
will meet at the home of Mr.. and Mrs.
Robert Stewart Friday evening, Octo-
Der 18th instead of at the Dougal Tiff
fanny home as was announced.
The clothing project contest unit
class will meet at the home of Mrs.
Walter Collins Thursday afternoon
October 10th at which time the MAX
ing of paper dress forms will be taken
up.
Max Eckhart who has been employ
ed at the H. G. Schmahl store for
several years resigned his position and
is employed at the Redwood Grocery
Co. He started his work there Thurs
day. aaaer,a s
Oscar Murset of ST. Paul spent
Sunday with Mrs. Murset and daugh-
ter who are visiting at the M. o.
Byram home and with his parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Murset near Red
wood Falls.
DR.. A. w. Ross and A. P. Falk left
Tuesday for Minneapolis where they
will attend a meeting of the State
! Synod of the Presbyterian church
which opened Tuesday evening. They
will returned Friday.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. B. Brant, Mrs.
Richard Blackjack and Russell Gilbert
of Renville autoed here Sunday NOR
ming and visited at the home of Mr..
and Mrs. Brant's son, Warren G.
Brant. They returned home Sunday
night.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-10-10
PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
A. w. Ross. Pastor.
From Radicalism
to BayOnets

1t was only last year that Governor
Walton of Oklahoma was picturesque
ly inaugurated with a gigantic bar
becue as .'the. peoples governor, and
radicals throughout the country claim
ed him as one of<their own faith.
Today the governor is denounced as
a traitor to the cause and false
friend. Tulsa county is under mar
tial law Sin it's harshest FORM" and a
radical state administration is com
PEELED to resort to the rule of the bay
onet to restore reasonable security
of life and limb.
What has happened in the short
space of one year? The governor
was still radical enough when, few
months ago, he revolutionized the
state college by appointing forme,
North Dakota Nonpartisan league
worker as president, causing whole
sale resignation of professors and in.
structors. Then it was reported that
he had rescinded his action, and he
promptly fell from grace in the eyes
of radicals.
In the meantime, invisible gov
eminent" was running riot. Masked
outrages, floggings and reign Of
terror made life unbearable for citi
zens. Martial law is invoked to re-
store peace.
Outbreaks of lawlessness had oc
Cured prior to Governor Waltons in
auguration, but conditions grew worse
during the last year. 1t is impossi
BILE to set class against class without
Enchanting the mob spirit on botl
sides, and the constant preaching Of
hatred threatens to bear bitter fruit
in Oklahoma as we'll as elsewhere
Milwaukee Sentinel.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-10-10
Shutdown

Mr.. and Mrs. Emil Tonak were GU
ests OF relatives in Sleepy Eye over
the weekend.
A son was born to Mr.. and Mrs.
Carl Christensen, September 25th.
Russell Jensen left Sunday night
for st. Paul, where he will take a
course at the University Farm.
Chris Olson accompanied by Sigrid
and Einar Olson motored to Tyler
Sunday and spent the day with fri
ends.
Ebert Meyer is the owner of new
Ford sedan.
Donald Dalsgaard of Springfield
spent the weekend at the Henry Hem
mingson home.
The Mothers Club met Thursday,
October with Mrs. L. Bredvold as
hostess.
Miss Agnes Jensen of Morgan spent
Sunday at the home of her parents.
Martin Bredvold and son Otto, ac-
companied by Gerda Peterson autoed
to Storden Sunday and were the GU
ests of the Thorval Madison family.
The Missionary Society met at the
home of Mrs. o.. Olson Tuesday, Octo-
Der End.
Hans Kagel, Joe Matter and son
Louis Matter left by car Monday for
Pelican Rapids where they contem-
plate buying some purebred Guernsey
cattle.
Louise Lawrence who has spent the
past three months with relatives here
left Friday for her home at Sand
Point, Idaho.
Mrs. James Nielsen was the guest
of relatives at Faribault the past
week.