davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
Absorbing the Sordid.

She-I was certainly shocked
BY = story ii this months Cos.
mopolitan.
He-Yes?
She-And II was even worse
the third time I read it.-sun
Dial.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

~ socd man. you had better
take the trolley car home.
h no uahel Ny Wits wouldn't
let me HE keep It in tn houshe.s
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Newspaper reporters are certain
ly In . class by themselves. When
they meet. one never fails to ask
the other, well, what do you
known and the other replies,
nothing" And the next morn.
ing the paper IL Tiled with news.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

A little boy visited his fathers
office and. after examining the
typewriting machine. asked his
mothers
what do they take those to
the theater for?"
my boy" replied the mother,
''they do not take them to the
theater."
''Well, it's mighty funny. then.
Pa was telling q gentleman that
he took his typewriter to the
thea
James" said the father stern
~, II will see you privately akter
we get home"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
Immortality.

Fathers IN his study.
Mother's IN the han,
And % ! put my finger marks
Upon the parlor wail.
For once the wiipping's over
The pain win pass away,
But the marks upon the parIor
wall
WIN stay and stay and stay.
Royal Gaboon.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
The Minstrel sl,ow.

Leases White Dat clog ca.eeh
sho has rot some musical feet
sambO 10 ii cause dev's rot
scales on 'em?
Z. W You Tnighta known. mir.
gah. It's cause he's got two nat
feet. Sour Owl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

The poets sing Of lovely spring.
They say the bird is on the wing.
Upon my word-why how absurd.
thought the wing was on thu
pro. -Puppet.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Flow iG Il that 7 find You kissing
my daughter, str7"
don't know, sir. unless fits that
vOu wear rubber heeas"-JadG
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Gee. I'd like good dresser nike
that.
y $50 would /. she certainly 4 8
peach. Octopus.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

To be q college-bred means
four-year loaf, requiring ! great
deal Of dough, as wei as plenty 81
crust.-Humbug.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

First Cockroach-Hey therel
What's your hurry7 Where's tina
fire?
Second Cockroach-Fool! cant
You read7 Don't you see 1t says
Tear along this hne7"-Goblin.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

1Gwyer-Dfnner7 why did you
begin to eat In the middle Of tbs
afteEnoon3
Rastus-Attorney's orders. sub.
BE done said when you get on the
stand. Rastus, remember. II you
set ratified you goose am cooked"
-Doda.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
In 1880 A. II.

Officer. arrest that man; / BE-
lieve he IL thinking Of smoking.
Brown Jus.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
Or Face the Consequence.

F1apper-Guess III have to
start using rouge again.
Co-ed-Why?
S1apper-Cause the sIxfrts are
getting longer.-Pitt Panther.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

''One way she's like an umpire.
my wife is.'' said Bin Prout.
''She never win believe that I
am safe when I am out. . Siren.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

IL never rains on the unjust
II he can get hold Of the just mans
umbrella.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

That town Of Los Angeles il
worse than Zion city,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Hsadwork IL ali right In q
dckiish position, but when your
wife asks you where you've been
late at night. what's required 10
foot work.-Sun Dodger.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
Il Makes Us Kinda Tired.

Fair F1oeenc0 Tout
Wants no man niSh her
When she goes up
10 change attire
0Ut "a Q touP
She Mne0 'em By haA
They're handy Just
10 change Q tire.-eun Dial.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

They parted after the evening
fun. They broke ciean. He lefeT-
clean broiSa.-Puppsh
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Even II q girl Is a peach she
may have . stony heart
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Mandy Rastus, you-an reminds
me of one Of desc flynn ma
chimes.
Rastus-'Cause Use . nightly
or, Mandy?
Mandy-No; cause you amt
no good on earthLTiger.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Frowsy Shopper-'Ave yer q
match fer this blouse?
Naughty Salesgirl = Yes - and
III give you some kerosene, too.
Siren.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Lazy Center1ng book GtoreI-
Have you ''Virtuous wfveaf"
New C1erk-LAdy. atn't rot
Int cnA. but I hope she ia
9ca1per.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Bellhop latter guest has rung
for ten nlinutes)-Did you ring.
sir?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Mary had o little light.
It was wen trained. no DOUBT,
Dor every time o fellow called
The little light went out.
Ghost.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Guest--HelI. no! was tolling:
I thought you were dead-Wasp.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
soph Things are coming down

uVll-- IIlInBs are Coming down
nowadays.
Junior Yes. they are.
soph Bread has come down
from sixteen ounces 10 twelve
ounces. ana now We set less
dough Tor the same money squib
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Why, on every downtown cor
ner they have signs. Keep to the
Right. chaparral.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20

Sub Editor-Let's put the mag
azine out without cover.
Editor That wouldn't be true to
life, this Is q winter number
Sour Owl.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-20
Beware Of Widows.

Il love youi I love your he
anurmz1red for the nineteenth time.
Speak; answer meg
The maiden coyfy hung her head.
T-oh. Tom, this II 90 sudden.''
GAe pleaded.
he drew her close 20 him.
Don't be afraid, darling" he
said gently. Would you like
me to ask mother first?'
With sudden cry OF alarm. she
threw her arms around his neck.
mo. nor she gasped. Mother
- . widow. ! want you uhyselfr'
R0llg-So your wife Joined the
Holy Ro1lersP
Royce-Yes.
ROIls-You ought 20 keep her out
of such 6oolishneen.
Royos-Why should I make her
Gu1kf It sure 10 reducing her hips.
-chapaxrai.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
PUTTING CHAINS
ON IS EASY JOB
Unless Method Of Attaching Is
Practiced a Bit, 1t Is Usual
ly Awkward Process.

S(By ERWIN GREER. President Greer Col
lege Of Automotive Engineering. chicago)
Very often 1t is only that the auto
mobile owner Is not sufficiently ac-
quainted with the method of attach
ing chains that causes him to take
chance when the street or pavement
is wet, and not put them on. Unless
the method of attaching chains is
practiced a bit, 1t is an awkward
process, and as such an automobilist
rather than spend number of min
utes fumbling with what he consid-
ers to be badly fitting attachments,
will run along and may meet with a
serious accident.
Practice ls Helpful.
The first couple Of times that chains
are put on it may take considerable
while to do 1t. and the motorist may
even believe, although he has the in
dicated size for his tires, that the
things are not the right dimension.
A little practice, however, will make
attaching chains matter OF only a
moment or SO, and this is time that
any one can well afford to spend. In
putting on chains 1t used to be thought
necessary to jack up the wheels. but
now, Of course. 1t is realized that this
is not needed.
The best way is to lay tho chains
over the wheel with the hook part to-
ward the rear and tuck In the other
end snugly underneath the wheel in
front.
When both chains are In position
thus, the car Is started and run ahead
only foot or SO. This pulls the part
Of the chain that was tucked in under
the front wheel taut and leaves some
extending beyond the point where the
wheel touches the ground. 1t also
tightens up the hook end.
Then 1t Is only simple matter of
Joining up the ends. OF course. it is
suggested that the end on the inside
Of the wheel be hooked up first. This
can be done by hand and the chains
will At as rule tightly enough.
Learn to Put on Chains.
By way of conclusion 1t is earnestly
recommended that little time be CIV
en- to learning how to put on chains
II was the experience of the writer
that what at first was a labOrlOus and
bungling process became after cou-
pie of trials matter of seconds only,
with the result that "at first drop OF
rain" the chains go on, as they should.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
DRY BATTERY FAILS RAPIDLY
In Many Instances Real Reason 10
That They, Are Not Protected
From Moisture.

Car owners who use dry batteries
often have occasion to lament the
brief existence Of these devices. In
many cases the real reason why the
dry batteries fail SO rapidly is simply
because they are not protected from
moisture, dirt and excessive vibration.
1t is easy to make stout wooden box.
fitted with a cover and permanent
terminal connections. The sides, bot
tom, ends and cover are made of hard
wood three-eighths Of an inch thick.
The box may be made to accommo-
date as many cells as desired, either
In single or double rows. The various
parts Of the box are screwed together
and the inside Is given an even Goa.
of melted parafiin wax to render 1t
moisture proof. The cover should be
made to fit flush with the box sides.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
GASOLINE TO BE PREFERRED
Better Than Kerosene for Washing
Bearings, Cleaning Brakes and
Running Board.

For all cleaning purposes, including
washing of bearings, cleaning brakes
and running boards, gasoline Is al
ways to be preferred 10 kerosene for
the reason that 1t evaporates directly
after completing the job. Gasoline.
however, should not be used for ex-
ternal cleaning of the engine; and
Kerosene that is used for this pur-
pose should only be applied when the
power plant is cold.
Any opening in the valve tappet
compartment when warm air can blow
in Is likely to result in drying the
valve stems and making them stick.
Such an opening, when found, can be
plugged with felt.
little scheme that makes 1t easier
to back out Of a driveway is to make
little notch in the under side of the
steering wheel nearest the driver when
the front wheels are in a straight
ahead position. II the driver starts
backing straight and keeps the notch
in the original position the car ought
not to run off Its course.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
AUTOMOBILE
NmT1UN'ISMlA

Overheating burns up the oil, caus-
ing friction, loss of power and scored
cylinders.
From 1909 to 1918 the number of
automobiles in use In the United
States increased LOO per cent.
When timing the ignition of an en-.
ginesit is necessary to know when
the piston reaches the top of the
stroke.
Watch out for steam at radiator
vent, as it indicates that the engine
is overheating. condition which may
result in serious damage to the en-
gine Ii not taken care Of In time.
When driving at night motorist
should not stop to pick up tire ,pr
any other article seen on the highway.
This may be trap and garg Of
holdupa may be hiding close by.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Operation Avoided

Elkhart, Kan.-"About two years
ago began to suffer SO with pain and
soreness in both sides, Especially my
right side,) that l was almost unable to
DO any housework. l was also very
nervous. Doctors advised an operation,
but this I/wishcd to avoid If possible,
so l wrote to DIR. Pierce's fnyalidss
Hotel, describing my condition, and
was advised to take DR.. Pierce's Favor
lite Prescription and Irontic Tablets,
and before had finished one bottle OF
each was feeling much better. took
seven bottles of the Prescription and
two OF the 'Irontic Tablets and weighed
more and felt better than had for
some time. There is no doubt about it..
DIR. Pierce's medicines cured me, for
took no other."-Mrs. w. E. Dean.
Route B.
Your health is your most important
asset. Why not write DIR. Pierce. Pres.
Invalids' Hotel. Buffalo, N. Y, and
receive confidential medical advice free.
Send 10 cents for trial package OF
any of DR.. Pierce's remedies.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
LOUD cREAK GIVES WARNING
II Noise Is Noticed When Clutch Is
Engaged 1t May Be Due to
Loose Wheel.

II creak is noticed in rear wheel
when the clutch is engaged 1t may be
due to loose wheel, provided that the
rear axle is of the semi-hoating or
three-fourths floating type. In which
the wheel is not rigldly attached to
the axle. In this type the wheels fit
on the end of a tapered shaft and is
locked tight by large cottered nut.
II the nut is not drawn up fully and
the wheel is tritle loose the axle
will turn slightly when power is ap-
piled and give rise to an annoying
creak. Though the wheel may seem
tight upon inspection, an attempt to
further tighten the nut may prove the
soutrary-Automobl Digest.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
PLAN TO ADJUST GENERATOR
rent to Battery Is to Tighten
tho Fan Belt.

A good way to adjust generator
to increase the flow of the current to
the battery Is to tighten the adjust.
ment Of the fan belt which drives the
generator. This will speed up the gen.
orator and thus increase the output.
Another method is by adjusting the
tension of the spring on the regulator
armature. Increasing the pressure
raises the charging rates and decreas-
ing the pressure lowers it.-AutOmo-
bile Digest.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

CABRIC furs paved the way for all
+ those beautiful and luxurious pile
fabrics which have entrenched them
selves SO strongly in the present sea-
sons styles. Manufacturers of coats
may choose materials that are mar
veIously like natural skins. or others
that make no attempt at invitation,
but are equally rich and Iustrous. Tie
picture presented here tells the story
Of two handsome coats. one of item
Of kerami cloth. which looks just
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Marine Maps Presented to Japan

Washingt0n.-A complete set of
marine maps and charts and other in
formative data required by government
advisers to the modern merchantmen
was sent to the royal Japanese hydro
graphic office on the transport Ar
sonne, which sailed from Hampton
Roads last week. The equipment,
gift from the United States navy, is in
tended to replace that lost in the re-
cent earthquake. The Argonne will
transfer the shipment at San Pedro to
the japanese steamship Ondo, which
has been instructed to deliver them at
Toxic.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Not interested in His Head.

A Scotsman was being SHOWN over
battleship for the first time in his
life and being keenly Interested In all
he saw he piled his guide with all
sorts of questions.
The marines seemed to interest him
and going up to one he pointed up to
the grenade In the marines cap and
asked what 1t was.
The marine looked at him in sur
prise.
Don't you know what that is7" he
asked. "Why, that's a turnip. of
course
Zach, mon," replied the Scotsman,
impatiently, Il was mo- axlng aboot
yer head"
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

like fur and the other of gerona, a
fabric that is as sumptuous and ele-
CANT is fur.
These wraps contrive to follow the
simply lines sponsored by the mode,
but there is nothing simple In their
cut. II is novel and bespeaks master
designers hand. This and the choice
Of finishing touches are the means by
which they are promoted out of the
commonplace and into the distinctive
style merited by the quality of the
fabrics and furs that make then
The full, straight-hanging coat of
black kerami at the left of the pic
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
SUGAR OUTPUT OF COLORADO
WILL SUPPLY WHOLE COUNTRY

Denver.-Colorado Is the most inn
portant sugar-producing state in the
Union. Factories in the state this year
are converting 100000 tons of raw
sugar beets into 100000, 900 pounds of
sugar. more than four pounds for ev-
cry man, woman and child in the
United States.
The beet tonnage is being harvested
on 175.00O acres of land in the irri-
gated sections of the state. Sixteen
sugar factories are operating twenty
four hours every day to extract the
sugar. Two factories in the Arkansas
valley are idle, the construction of fac
tories in that district having exceeded
a reasonable expectation Of beet acre
age.
Probably s16,OOO,OOO or more will be
paid to the 6,ooO or 1000 beet grow
farmers in the state for their 1923
crop. This estimate is based on IS
ton, but the price the farmers will
receive will depend upon the sugar
content of the crop nnd also upon the
net price per bag realized by the fac
tories. In this way the farmers share
in the profits of the industry.
No other crop grown in Colorado is
marketed on such a fair basis. II the
price of flour advances after farmer
has sold his grain to the mill he OBJ
tains no share in the increased price.
If the price of meat or mutton goes up
after the steer or lamb has been sold
tothe packer, the live stock grower re-
ceives no part Of the increased price.
But If at any time in twelve month
period the price of sugar advances the
benefit is shared on practically equal
terms between the grower Of beets and
the factory which converted the raw
crop into sugar.
This Is the so-called sliding scale
form of beet contract. Formerly beets
were paid for on flat rate basis, a
fixed sum per ton. In recent years SUI
gar prices have nuctuated SO greatly
that no, accurate estimate could be
made in advance on the proceeds for
the sugar made from beet crop. Then
the new plan of paying the farmer was
devised in order to protect the two
principal parties in the industry, the
beet growers and the sugar factories.
However, minimum guarantee Of at
least $3.50 ton has been Incorporated
in the sliding scale contract SO that on
delivery of his crop the efficient grow
er is assured of more than enough to
cover his average cost of production.
Later as sugar sales and prices war
rant, additional payments are made.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

ture has very wide sleeves and col
lar Of silky. fox fur. A girdle Of
braided silk. ending in long tassels.
completes 1t. The capelike wrap at
the right of black gerona hangs
from narrow yoke at the back and
uses dyed skunk fur for the luxurious
collar and landings.
Those TERED dresses which have
proved so ingratiating m the modes
for grown-ups, Nave appeared in
late models of tailored and school
frocis for young girls. And even the
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Taylor Protests Decision

Mantrose.-'"The theories are in
Washington, but the facts are out
here" declared Congressman Edward
Taylor of this district in n telegram to
Hubert Work, secretary of the interior,
vigorously protesting the decision of
the secretary not to have the fact-find-
ing committee visit the reclamation
projects to personally probe the needs
and ability Of the settlers to pay the
construction costs on the projects. Di-
rectors of the. Uncompahgre Valley
Water Users Association wired a SIM
liar resolution to Secretary Work.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Sentenced to Co to School

Sterling.-Sentenced to go to school
Instead of the usual fine and jail
sentence, two aliens here were ordered
ny Judge Norris G. Bakke Of the Coun-
ty Court to attend every session of
Sterilng's new Americaniyation school.
Those who received sentences were
Tony Maristico, Italian. and Frank
Weingardt, Russian. They pleaded
guilty to charges of driving an auto
while intoxicated and assault and bat
terry. Both admitted living III Sterling
for fifteen years without attempting
naturalization.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

through which fluid under pressure
is adapted to pass when the engine Ia
operated by an unauthorized person.
whereby the fluid will operate the sig
nal and warn the police and public OF
the unauthorized operation. Means
are included for maintaining the con.
lection between the engine and the
signal until the authorized operator
unlocks the same.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

bodice cut in kimono fashion. 1t has
a square neck opening. split down the
left side, to allow the dress to slip
over the head. Two rows of braid
finish the neck and side opening.
which is closed with snap fasteners
and a fiat button at the top. This
button does its small but essential
part to maintain the tailored charac-
ter Of the frock. A narrow belt Of
patent leather, with the simplest of
buckles at the front, conceals the seam
which ioinsrkirt and bodice. It would
be hard to find better model for
'-'-'s in their early teens. Twill4
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Wraps of New Fur Fabrics;
School Girls Day Frocks

sophisticated spiral fiounce and the
flare have been so modified that they
contribute smart new style note In
frocks and coats for the yOnng.
A case of clever management Of the
TERED style in dresses, so that 1t be-
comes ideal for the girl of twelve to
sixteen, appears In the Illustration.
Two shaped flounces (each one bor-
dered with three rows Of narrow silk
braid), are set on the skirt portion Of
delightfully."- girlish dress with Q
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
BURGLAR ALARM GUARDS CAR
Audible Signal Connected With En-
gine When Operated by Any
Unauthorized Person.

The Scientific American in illustrat-
ing and describing burglar alarm
for an automobile. the invention Of
c. Fl. Summerhill Of Penns Grove.
N. j., says:
An object of the Invention is the
provision of an audible signal con-
nected with the automobile engine
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

serge. rep, jersey cloth. wool crepe
and goods of similar texture. In dark
colors. are chosen for frocks Of this
kind. Brown Is naturally favorite,
navy blue is making steady advanc.
and is never out Of style. and there nre
others.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Proapecta.

If you will show me the style Of a
mans amusements and recreations.
will tell you what are his prospects,
De Witt Talmage.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Not So Cheap.

MAY Inquire whether you have
mathis in this church?' asked the ele-
CANT visitor of the antediluvian verger
ut the village church.
mo. indeed, num-" replied the old
fellow with scorn. 1--WE as ollcioth !"
London Tit-Bits.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
Whole Sum Of Human LIE.

OF the whole sum of human life no
small part is that which consists Of
a mans relations to his country. and
his feelings concerning it.-Gladstone.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

II man once has 1t. 1t never dies
the taste for snowy neckties.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
PIANOS
DIAMONDS
>>>>>~~->---~>>~
jos. !. SCHWARTZ. Jeseiry, Diamonds.
watch repairing 1000 Sixteenth street.
DEPARTMENT

Commercial inquiries answered and
information. gladly furnished without
COST. Address any firm above.
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01

Largest slave-tioIdsr.
Mammon is the largest slaver.holdey
In the world.-F. Saunders,
The Holly chieftain., 1923-11-01
EHR0vED UNIFORM INTERNATIONAL
Sil1nldaySchoel 4
' Lesson '
LESSON FOR NOVEMBER a.
w Or WIDE PRoHIBITIoN-
WORLDS TEMPERANCE
SUNDAY.
By REV. p. B. FlTzWATER. D. D.,
Teacher OF English Bible in the Moody
Bible Institute Of chicago.D
20. 1919 Western Nswsps per unionp

LESSON TExT-Ps. 1o1:1-s: Prov.
23:29-35.
GOLDEN TEXT will set no
wicked thing before my eyes."-Ps.
101:3
PRIMARY ToPIc-Taking Care of
Our Bodies.
JUNIOR ToPIc-The Effects of Al
cohol.
INTERMEDIARY AND SENIOR TOP
IC-Progress of Prohibition at Home
and Abroad
YOUNG PEOPLE AND ADULT TOPIC
The Fight Against I.awlessness.