davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
nOM SIMS
- = ! Says

- F people look like what they
eat. as a London doctor says
a great many are eating beets
You would think you were sleep
ing longer If you could watch the
clock while you did 1t.
Hard thing about getting rich is
thare are so many ways not to do
it and so few days to do it.
Astronomers say we will have no
sun In S6,000,000 years. Others say
1t is S6,000000 years too long.
Most of the Russian names should
be against the law.
Movie stars are getting so they
get real mad if their weddings make
them late for dinner.
Train conductors report the rising
generation healthy. Many kids of
four look to be ten
Only safe place for a speeder is
the Sahara Desert, where roads are
as wide as they are long.
Statistics show that, much to the
cows disgust, the people are eating
more beef.
Lighting three cigarettes with one
match or stepping of a moving car
backward is bad luck
When making marmalade, 1t is
easier to go buy the darn stuff.
A Disguised grocer tells us he is
broke because he not only gave
credit where credit was due
One lightning bolt lift two Peoria
(Ill) churches. Quit putting buttons
In the collection.
A political party is an organiza-
ton to split about something.
Washington scientists produced a
temperature 425 degrees below zero.
but it is not for sale
Every time we see a headline from
French Lick, we wonder II It means
French Lick, Germany.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Tongue Tips

Rev. H A. Quitmeysr, Tabor Evan
gelioai Church. Detroit Dry propa-
ganda, election propaganda, criticism
Of men and Of the Government, poll
tics, literature and what not are drawn
on for sermon topics. Such things
have no rightful place in the pulpit.
The business Of the Christian Church
is TO preach the gospel to teach them
to observe all things whatsoever
have commanded
| DR.. w. r. Slocum, president Japan
| Society, Boston: THE responsibility
resting upon Japan, Great Britain and
the United States is beyond any one 8
ability 10 estimate. The opportunity
that confronts them, If they keep in
unison as they should, is Of the high
est Importance to the whole future Of
the human race They will hold
places of masterful and constructive
power for centuries to come.
| Thomas &c. Johnson. superintendent
public instruction, Michigan: TOO
many of our children eat candy at
recess time or at lunch time. Let us
urge them to eat an apple instead
We have heard about vitamines. Ap-
| pies have them. If we can change the
inclination Of the youngsters from
candy to apples, we will have accom-
| plished for them a vast measure Of
good"
Dr. d. j. Evans, teacher OF Kansas
Citys great Bible class: "A man asked
me what l taught that drew so many
men to the First Baptist mems class.
told him forgot all theology ever
knew and I searched for the funda-
mental things. the vital things that
enter into mans life. The fact is,
we preachers have been chaperons
for sororities when we ought to have
been talking to red-blOoded men and
getting down to the realities of life. "
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Hopeless
(The Bridge Fiend's LamenO

(The Bridge Fiend's LamenO
BY BERTON BRALEY
Oh, she is young and slender,
And pretty as peach;
Her smile is warm and tender,
And gracious is her speech.
Few girls are any fairer,
Yet my affection slumps;
can't forgive this error,
She won't get out her TrunpsI
Sweet, kind and altruistic,
Bright, sensible and sane,
She's gay and optimistic
And has a clever brain.
She's thrifty, wise and canny
And gives my heart the thumps,
But this thing gets my nanny.
She WON'T get out the Trumps!
She'd be a wife and mother
To make a fellow proud.
There isn't any other
Can match her in the crowd;
There's no one any truer,
But-here's the fact that stumps,
(Oh, Bridge Fiends, dare WOO her?)
She WON'T get out the Trumps.
Copyright, 1923, NEA Service, Inc.)
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
What Editors
Are Saying
Signing
lebanon Reportsrl

Resolved: That constant signing Is
more immoral than chronic oussing.
Nothing is more depressing than listen
ing TO a person sigh and sigh and
sigh. A few emphatic cuss words are
heavenly music compared to a sag
ging sigh. Every time we are thrown
in contact with signing soul we give
thanks TO the Good Lord for the bless
ing of cheerful wife. The negative
will now take the floor. There being
nothing to say in behalf of sinful
signing. the decision of the judges Is
returned unanimously in favor Of
cussing as the lesser Of two evils.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Heard in the Smoking Room

"a ICTOR HUGO" said the liter
v airy smoker. was a great
II writer. but a man OF insuffer-
able conceit and a total lack of hui
NOR. In his late life nothing pleased
him more than to have his friends
drop in and talk about him He would
listen enraptured as their foolish praise
Of him fell on his ears. Sometimes
they rather plastered the salve on
th&sfly. but 1t made no difference to
Victor. There seemed to be no limit
to his high estimate Of himself, and
he was so devoid Of humar that he
could not recognise the fast that.
very often. he was being rezzed. One
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Family Fun
Tip Dodger.

Albert Keller, the well-known hotel
man. was telling stories about tip
dodgers.
"A mean man." he said, "ate good
meal at a restaurant, and then. when
he was through. dropped a half dol
lar on the floor.
Waiter" he said. as he paid his
bill, Il Just dropped two half dollars.
Find them for me. will your" The
waiter obngingly disappeared under
the table, and in a short time emerged
very red in the face.
I've found one fthem, sir" he
said. Thanks" said the man, as he
pocketed the coin mad rose. when
you find the other keep it for your
self-tip, you know. Judge
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Indiana
Sunshine

Police al TT. Wayne arc looking for
a huckster who sold Thomas Black.
1ell. local grocer. ten cases of strictly
fresh eggs" The man collected s12s
and departed. Some time later the
grocer Unpacked the eggs. In each
case there was one layer Of eggs.
Beneath this nothing was found but
paper and bricks.
Earl Pope Of near Shelbyvllle went
coon hunting. His prize hunting dog
picked UP hot trail. The way led
across a road. As the dog followed
1t an automobile halted. bundled the
animal in the machine and spceded
away. Pope says taking a dog off a
econ track is outrageous.
Probably the only law office in
the State Of Indiana located in a log
cabin Is that Of Attorney r. L. Nor
gan Of Bloomington. Morgan, an
antique fanoier, bought log Cabin
104 years old. and fitted It up at his
home as an office. over the door is
a fint-lock gun. Over the fireplace
hangs an oldfashioned iron kettle,
and beside this IS g spinning wheel and
flax. In one corner IS a grandfather
clock. 100 years Did
The Jackson County Jail is "a pretty
lonesome place these days. 1t has but
one inmate, Charles Sheldon, who
wouldn't have been there. but failed
to pay dog taxes. His sentence of
fourteen days Will end Friday
The old Billy Glass tavern. reputed
to be the oldest building in the town
Of Adams, Decatur County. is to VI
torn down to make room for q garage.
It is the last reminder Of the pioneer
families in the early sos.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

night several of his friends were
present and. of course, he was the
subject of their conversation. One
of them said. as a starter: Streets
ought to be named after Victor Hugo.
'Streets?" said another. Why,
Paris ought to change Its name and
be called Victor Hugo
Bah, said another Name Paris
after such a great man? No, indeed
France ought to change It's name and
the whole country be called Victor
Hugo
Lifting his head with Jovian dig
nifty, the great writer spoke In tone
Of solemn. sober conviction. That will
come ia time"
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Coal
DAILY CIintonian)

It's an unfortunate fact that oil
burning and the development of cleo
trical power have done a great deal
to curtail the use of coal. But it's
going to be a long while before the
main demand for coal will be a thing
of the past In the meantime, the
problem of the Clinton field is to get
her share
The appeal for more favorable In
trastate rates, so Indiana mines Will
have a better chance to sell TO In
diana consumers, certainly is In line.
And it is good to have the miners
themselves taking an intelligent inter.
est in seeking such readJustments.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
RABBITS AND SOME MEN

IN INDIANAPOLIS hunter returns from the rabbit chase
Ia He has had good day. for the tail of only bunny
protrudes from his bag.
All his life this rabbit spent fear In fear he gathered his
daily food Trembling at sound he lay in his hole when
the tasks He afraid of the falling leaf of
the chp the cricket the night and of the football of child
If he could have been magcaly transformed into he
would of those who fear hon.
opinion lest they might nure themselves their business
He would been of those who whisper against the
evils that bother the community but fear to speak out He
would have been uve who tells how he votes and
viii take both sides of question fearing to favor either
Rabbit menl Unfortunately, there is open
them
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
T ab00

Next year the w. G. r. U. will
celebrate the fftieth anniversary of
it's formal organization. What! Can
it be possible that 1t took nearly half
a century to bring national prohibit
ton? To hear some people talk,
you'd think prohibition was thrust
upon us overnight while we slept,
OF some $500 counties in the
United States only about $50 were
wet when national prohibition be-
came effective. The others already
had climbed on the wagon, mostly
by popular vote.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Training En- Early

S. P. c. A Agent-I have a report
that you're in the habit Of shooing
your poultry into a field and then try
ing deliberately to run them down with
an automobile What's the Idea?
Fa1mer-The idear is that I've lost
more'n a dozen this past summer By
sudden death on the highway, so I'm
training the rest Of them to be auto
shy.-Judge.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Know YOurCity

Indianapolis, at the end
of 1922, was conservatively
estimated by the United
States census bureau to
have a population of 342,-
718, an increase of 28,524
over 1920 figures, according
to Activities, organ of the
indianapolis Chamber of
Commerce.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

job in Roy Towards garage here, as
he used to appear at the head of his
company, is also storing information
that may help him when the call
comes from overseas. For he has this
republic.
When that times comes he hopes
his knowledge of auto engines will
help him in the aircraft division of
the anti-soviet army.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

A teacher has written to ou;
Washington Bureau asking for a
list of good books for children
for use in connection with
"Children's Book Week" Nov.
II TO II. Any other reader In
terested in securing such q list
may obtain a bulletin on the sub
ject by writing to our Washing
ton Bureau, enclosing a two
cent postage stamp for reply.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
What is meant by "stone Age

What is meant by "Stone Age?"
A term commonly used to denote
the earliest recognized stage in the
development Of human culture as
defined by the materials used by man
for weapons, utensils, etc. The
phrase is somewhat misleading, since
it is probable that primitive man
made use Of wooA and other perish
able materials to Gar greater extent
than of stone, and consequently the
stage is defined by the prevailing ma
terial of the relics which have
survived, rot by that of actual nipple
ments in common use
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

Where was the LAST notable vic
tory Of the American Expedition
airy Forces in France? Describe
II.
At Sedan. Preceding the advance of
the Americans upon Sedan. came a
cloud OF aviators in pursuit and bomb
ing planes, headed by the famous aces
OF the American forces. The LIST and
% Divisions OF the LIST Army led the
way In the van Of the I'd Division
were the Marines. The famous Rain
Row Division made the most savage
thrust Of the action. pursuing the foe
ten miles and sweeping the Freya
Hills clear OF machine nests and Ger
man artillery.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

mate OF the GTdDQ
Duke Nicholas,
member of the
famed Cadet Corps
Militaire of St.
Petersburg.
Now Dmohov-
sky Is looked
down upon as a
mere apprentice
mechanic, learn
ing in a strange
country a craft
that will provide
himself and his
wife with bread
and lodging.
But the former
colonel, as clean
lit IL.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Son From College.

well, Dad" said the youth just
home from college, Il made it all
right and got my A. b"
Good" said the proud parent.
"Now you can go out and get your
J. 0. B."-Amer. can Legion Weekly
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
A Thought

I was eyes to the blind, and feet
WIS I to the lame.
I was father to the poor; and the
cause which / knew not searched
out-Job 29:15, 16.
Stills not enough to help the
feeble up,
- But to support him after.
Shakespeare.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Why2
Lafayette Journal

An Indianapolis man adds bromo
settler to his home brew to take care
Of the "hang over" Why not put I'm
also the embaIming fluid, the crena-
tory's telephone number and the key
TO a mausoleum locker?
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
. UNUSUAL PEOPLE =
Colonel to
Mechanic
Bv NFA Serutce

BIZ NFA SeTUtce
Fl ANCOUVER, B. c., Nov. a.
" Vladimir Dmohovsky used to
- be looked up to as one Of Rus
sia's military elite, colonel Of the
imperial Russian staff, trusted init
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
She Fooled En- All.

Before we were married you used
TO beg me to sing"
well, you were making a fool out
of me, too. Judge.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Q Z E s T I o N s
Ask The Times
A N S W E r s

You can get an answer TO any ques-
ton OF fact or information by writing
TO the Indianapolis Times Washington
Bureau 1922 New York Ave. Wash
ington. D. C.. enclosing 2 cents in
stamps for reply. Medical. legal and
marital advice cannot be given. nor
can extended research be undertaken.
All other questions viii receive a per
sonal reply. Unsigned requests cannot
be answered. AL letters are conhden-
tial-Edttor
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
LineIight

(Goshen Daily News-Tin1esI
What's happening in Germany has
ceased to be the chief source of mys-
terry since Governor McCray's f1nan-
call affairs emerged into tho Guae-
light.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
MARKETING
PROBLEM IS
TOUGH ONE
Cooperative Associations Are
Suggested as Palliative
or Cure.

This Is the fourth of a series of ar
tioles on the agriculture problem, writ
ten by Herbert Quick for the Indianapo-
lis Times. Quick Is a former editor of
Farm and Fireside and is himself a West
Virginia farmer This article is on
"Co-operatives for Marketing"
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

When was the manufacture Of
casing head gas begun and what
is the process?
Casing head gas has been made
since 1908 An oil which has the
faculty OF absorbing gasoline from ma
tural gas Is sprayed downward
through a tall pipe or tower. while the
natural gas is forced up. The natural
gas coming out at the top IS prac-
tically without gasoline. while the oil
at the bottom has absorbed It, Then,
by simple process of distillation. the
gasoline is derived from the oil, and
the oil goes through the same opera
ton again a good-sized plant can
treat so 600 900 cubic feet of natural
gas this way and obtain at least 5000
gallons Of gasoline day.
What are the yearly expenses Of
the Veterans Bureau?
According to the directors report
for the fiscal year 1921.1922. $3.50 O00,-
600 was spent for all purposes by the
Veterans Bureau. The appropriation
for the present fiscal year is S431 .000,-
900.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

What are some Indian names
suitable for men and women?
For women; Cholena--bird; Otok-
Winona--first born daugh-
ter; ZitkaIa-little bird; Kimimela--
butterfly; Nituna-my daughter; Ma
For men: Swangideed
brave; Oglma--chief; Migisi-eagle;
Viho-leader.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
Prophecy

(Bluffton Evening Banner)
Jim Goodrich holds out hope for
Russia-some day. No prophecy on
Governor McCray.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
w;I,ie's Strong EXCUSE.

Dear Teacher-Please excuse VIII
lies absence for the last two weeksl
he caught a skunk. Mass. AgA
Souib.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
WHEREIN GEORGE TELLS US

n GORGE BERNARD SHAW that English-Irsh scrbbler
" talks through his whiskers
again He tells English educational journal
that the marks of educated are intellectual and moral
mbecility.'
enough left is George prescribes
remedy 1t is he destruction of civilization by educated
This involves incidentally he explains the destruction of ed
ucaona institutions and the of mankind from
education the comparative sanity and mental of
savagery."
Tt will be glance that George in love with
educ on He doesn't say exactly but his department ind
He couldn't be savage about it, he civil
lied.
Perhaps enjoying the sanity and mental competence
savagery There signs that may be
Take the who obtained savage delight by placing
Shiny frog his wfe bathtub that other
who nned savag because his wife became frantic when he
daily pastime of setting the family her Or still
his kick feeding lighted cigar
stubs innocent monkeys in Or again that
mothey who exploited her sane ideas of charity
by beating weak little girl she had akn raise until par
ays and heart trouble sent the child to civilized hospital and
savage jail
like savage character that the destruction of civil
zation, but the need of it.
Always there be found fail
to comprehend education and civilization but is not due to the
fault faliy of the latter What really need
and civilization of the right kind and less of Shaw and
his mental vagaries. We have much savagery
WALL STREET overjoyed with dividends many
companies declaring These have made al
most big hit in the Street Secretary MELONS educ
ton proposals.
SENATOR CUMAIINS advocates holding the Republican
national convention Des Mone because would be like say
ing the farmers eyes, shall your claims careful
sideration." They've all heard that before
THE Association Against the Prohibition Amendment has
discovered evidences that AntSaoon
up the Administration Is this indication Cool
dge regime is not as frigid as generally reported7
STATE Department says Japanese rgdy obeyng gen
tlemans agreement Labor Department says "11571
entered California Last year. Something lacking tbs
ordination department
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

What does Ohio mean?
This is an Indian word meaning
beautiful water
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

When was Chicago settled?
The. site of Chicago was discovered
I'm 1878, but tho first house was not
built until 177G by Jean Baptiste
Point de Sable. In 1895 he sold his
claim to LIE Mai French FUR trader,
who in turn sold to John Kinzie. the
first white man to make his home
there In 1903 FIT. Dearborn was erect
ed on the south bank of the river.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22
ELECTION
WILL FORCE
FORD'S HAND
Auto King Must File Intentions
by Dec, 4 in Dakota If
He Makes Race.
BY LAWRENCE MARTIN

Copyright, 1923, by United Press
XVII ASHINGTON, Nov. 22.-The
IWI country soon will know def
I nitely whether Henry Ford
will be a candidate for the presidency.
The South Dakota Democratic State
convention, which will be held Dec. 4,
will end the uncertainty about Ford 8
intentions, if he does not end it him
self before that.
Under South Dakota law, a declara-
ton of intention must be filed by any
person receiving even minority sup
port In the State convention and who
desires to figure in the presidential
primary March rs.
1t now appears likely the Demo
cratic convention there will be divided
between Ford and McAdoo. County
proposal conventions held Tuesday
gave McAdoo a lead, though 1t was
agreed doubt concerning Ford's will
ingness to be a candidate had some
thing to do with throwing some dele
gates to McAdoo
Will File Declaration
McAdoos declaration will be filed
promptly following the South Dakota
convention, and this will put him for
mally in the race.
Ford's position was uncertain, due
largely to conflicting reports and
statements. Ford himself has been
quoted as saying he did not desire
the presidency and would not cam
paign for the nomination.
Settlement Of the question by an
authoritative announcement such as
a declaration in South Dakota, is
awaited with great interest by the
chief lieutenants and supporters Of
other candidates. both Republican and
Democratic. for the campaign viii be
one thing with Ford, and another
without him
If he gets into the Democratic race
that eliminates him finally from the
Republican campaign. His chance Of
getting the Republican nomination
has never amounted to much Ford
probably viii have some delegates in
the national convention.
Much to McAdoo
F'ord's decision is Of tremendous i'm
portance to the McAdoo forces. They
have counted all along on eventually
getting tho Ford delegates in the
Democratic national convention If
Ford stays out there will at once be
a scramble to line up his delegates.
The McAdoo group has the inside
track" here, but It would really be a
free for-all fight
If Ford stays in. McAdoo's work
ers win have to continue their pres
ent efforts TO arrange for taking over
the Ford strength IL It becomes APP
parent in the national convention that
Ford cannot be nominated.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

Which ia the best form Of the
verb. plead or "pleaded?"
Either is correct but authorities
prefer pleaded"
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

WALL STREET overjoyed with the dividends many
companies declaring These made al
big hit in the Street Secretary Melons
ton proposals
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

SENATOR CUMAIINS advocates holding the Republican
national convention in De Mones because would be like
the farmers eyes shall give your claims careful
sideration." They've all heard that before.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1923-11-22

Copyright, 1928, by United Press