davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
THE ONCE OVER
BY II. I. PHILLIPS

body Of the car was the word "Rover,"
and the picture of dogs head This
is considered very mysterious. Egyp-
tologists assume that the king was an
efficiency expert and used the car to do
errands about the place. The brown
derby was in good condition. Inside
were the initials, u. Il. NJ. Nc, SYRIA
cuse."
Suspenders: What is supposed to be
the most gorgeous pair of suspenders
ever to come out of Egypt was found in
the bottom of an empty goldfish jar
near the dumbwaiter. They were of the
choicest grade of cotton, lowered with
81 thread, and were as coed as new.
On a queer piece of leather where the
suependers crossed, was the inscription
"firemen's."
Lawn mower: This, a rare specimen
of old war art, was discovered wrapped
up in a horse blanket near the kitchen
sink. The handle was of finest Ore
gon spruce and the blades were Of fin
est early Pittsburg steel. The letters
"S-ARSROE-U-K" were diciphered on
one wheel. AS there is no grass in this
vicinity it is assumed the king used il
to shave with. 20,
O'Cedar mop: This was discovered
by Drummer, who caused a sensation by
insisting it was one of the queens hats,
Coat hanger: Made of the very best
pine, thickly lacquered, and with sew
eral chip diamonds in the center; this
was found by DUNN and regarded as q
priceless antique.
Bath towel This was found stuffed
in quaint water bucket. 1t was as good
as when originally purchased. Much
comment was caused by an inscription
stolen from Joe Pharoah's turkish
baths" one one side of it.
Sled DUNN and Drummer are both
baffled by this discovery. Either they
used to have snow on the Sahara desert
in the old days or the king was cookoo,
they insist.
Hot water bottle: Made of the finest
grade of Sahara rubber : this was dug
IN between Vol. 6 and Vol. Z of DR..
Eliot's Five-Foot Book Shelf. Due to
the fact that the water iii it was still
hot. this is regarded as one of the most
interesting articles recovered.
Umbrella: This was found behind a
door in deep shadow. From the con-
dition of the room and the, broken brio
a-brac scattered about, it is supposed
the king had been looking all over the
house for it.
Rubbers: Two rubbers in good condi-
ton were fouAd in a waste basket. They
were not mates. Great significance is
attached to this by historians and foot
doctors. 1t is thought possible the king
had a wooden leg.
Pool cue This was found on the floor,
partly concealed under a rug. Nearby
were the pills &c" aud "15" from a
Kelly pool set.
DUNN and Drummer are still exca-
waiting. They will send a complete list
later.
Copyright, 1923. by tho Associated
Newspspers)
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

marked him as near-Bolshevist or
something-and the incident thus fell
into the category of rule-proving eXcep-
tons. He had not said what he was
represented as having said, but neverthe-
less he got into trouble.
There have been variohs attempts
usually on the part Of COLONIES" OF in
tellectuals," to prove that it is sheer non
sense to work more than two or three
hours a day to make good living. OF
course all such attempts have failed ut
terly. 1t is not to be denied that there
is much lost motion in the work OF the
world, that it is possible to develop a
higher degree OF efficiency, and that many
people fail to get just share of the re-
turns from production to which they
contribute physical and mental labor. But
the question has more than one side.
Suppose it should be found practicable,
from the economic standpoint, to inStl-
tute a three-hour day for all workers;
what would be the ultimate effect upon
the workers themselves?
One has but to read history to find
the answer-history as interpreted by
science. There have been peoples who
for a time undertook to live without
working; not only have such experiments
failed from the economic standpoint, but
in all cases the physical and mental eff
fects upon the individual were unwhole-
some-so extremely injurious, in fact,
as to preclude his immediate resumption
of the mode of life from which he had
revolted.
The laws of Nature demand activity
exercise of mans physical and mental
powers. Orators speak of "the dignity
of labor" and all that-as il any apology
were necessary. But it is not for the
sake of dignity that Nature makes work
mans best health insurance. Even if it
required no more than three hours of
work each day to produce all the COM
modities that man needs, his adherence
to such schedule would ultimately re-
suit in his deterioration to such an eX-
tent that he wouldn't be able to enjoy
the fruits of even that minimized labor
And about the time he learned to live
without consuming anything he would
die, as an Irishman might say.
Eight hours of work, eight hours Of
play, eight hours of sleep-just about
answers the apparent purposes of Nature,
and anybody who tries to improve upon
the laws of Nature is taking his fate into
his own hands.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Watching the Parade
By John Pilgrim.

They're planning a spectacle at the
church around the corner. I've been
to church spectacles before and l know
what they usually are. Yards ana
yards of cheesecloth and paper stars
and girls in the green corn stage ana
earnest-eyed young men. They do not
interest me as a rule, but this time II
go. Mrs. Adam Parr is to be. the
Queen of Sheba. 80
sWho's this? l asked my adoring
wife. Mrs. Adam Parr? Never heard
of Parr. didn't know there was a
woman in town equipped by nature to
be a Queen of Sheba."
Don't you know her." asked the
Missus. "Why. she's that stunningly
beautiful woman whose husband has
the grocery on Main street.
| did not remember any stunning
woman in that grocery. did recall
vaguely, that at different times L nave
been sent to the grocery for eggs or but
ter or other things missing in the do,
nestle menage and have seen a colossal
lady stalking through its dim recesses.
She was high. wide and thick, as l re.
called her. Her flesh had a habit OF
bullying out. Her arms were the big
gest moving parts l have ever seen, ex'
cept the walking beam of the Prairie
Belle.
"What is the Queen of Sheba?' ]
asked. rs this to be a burlesque. If
know Mrs. Adam Parr. you'd best have
the platform shored up before the Queen
of Sheba steps on it"
You're crazy" said my adoring wife
So / visited PARIS grocery, TO dis
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
WORK-A LAW OF NATURE

z How many hours day would man
shave to work to earn decent living il
absolute economic justice prevailed
throughout the world? That is a Ques-
lion that soap-box economists delight to
discuss. Socialists may not agree among
themselves as to the exact number OF
aiours, but they all say that everybody
has to work too hard under any form Of
government except socialism.
Every now and then someone comes
to the fore with a positive statement on
This matter-and usually he brings trout
BILE upon himself if not upon others. He
brings trouble upon others if they under
take to put his teachings into practice
Recently Senator Owen made 4 speech
In which he said that eff" all the machin-
pry of production were as efficient as a
particular device which he described, this
tountry could get along with three-hour
work day. He was subsequently mis-
quoted in one Of his home papers, which
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

coast from Cape Hatteras to Atlantic
City.
So long as that storm was in Mexico,
a district from which no information is
obtainable, the Weather Bureau was en-
tircly mised as to the actual conditions.
1t functioned perfectly within the scope
of the information it was able to acquire.
Under the circumstances it would well
repay the United States to lend aid and
encouragement to Mexico for the re-estab-
lishment of its weather stations which
disappeared during the recent revolutions
and which have never been recreated.
Even for its own sake and its own profit
the United States could we'll afford to
do this thing.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

money for him this season.. Where
upon the jokers thought that they
had run up against n real joker. But
the stranger assured them that he
was perfectly serious. ~
THE explanation is simple enough, :"
he went on. Il run a department.
store" s
1t was obvious that they were fond
of each other. He was very solicitous
for her comfort. will this table
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

Hoaxner, Egypt Exclusive Dispatch
vic Camel Train.-Dumm and Dummer,
noted American excavators and tombolo-
gists, have dug up, it became known to.
day, tomb of much greater value than
that of King Tlt-ankh-Amen. They
started bringing out the contents at
once. A golf bag of the rarest silk,
filled with clubs of cedar with heads OF
solid gold, was taken out by DUNN at
noon, Drummer following with beauti.
full and exquisitely decorated imperial
golf sock, a score card, and a jeweled
flask at u 10.
The tomb is believed to be that of a
king named "In-Mem Oriam," as this
inscription was found on stone at the
entrance to the tomb. The words Here
Lie-Eeth" were also made out. DUNN
and Drummer t....nk this the name of the
queen.
Zone thing we know about this king"
declared Drummer, sis that he was live
wire. All they found in Tut-ankh-
A len's tomb was a lot OF beds and
couches and Morris chairs. This shows
he was strictly an indoor king. The
fact that the first thing We found in
our kings tomb was lot of golf tools
shows we are on the track of a live
one. The place is full of beautiful
athletic trophies, running suits, hand.
balls, etc. Over against the wall we
saw several pairs of Kindergarten
knickerbockers, and hanging on a nail
was a baseball glove as good as new"
DUNN and Drummer had been secret
" digging here for some weeks. They
sunk a number OF shafts without strik-
ing anything, but are confident King
In-Mem Oriam's tomb will prove a gush.
err.
Hoaxner, Egypt tLater)-The tomb
of King In-Mem Oriam is richer in its
contents than had been believed. One
of the articles taken out today was a
handsome fifteen-gallon key of beer, the
spigot of which was made of gold and
silver, studded with precious stones.
Spectators stampeded and tried to rush
the keg bearers. ,
A partial list OF treasures removed
from the tomb to date follows:
Squirrel Cage: TIL article, made OF
an unknown metal presumably OF great
value, was found in the front corridor
of the tomb between the kitchenctte and
bath. There was nothing to indicate
that the king had been in it.
Kiddie Car: Delicately carved and
with only one wheel missing, this article
was found behind coat-tree upon which
was a brown derby, q celluloid collar,
and a mummified straw hat. Upon the
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

prove this charge, and there ! saw a
superbly handsome young woman. TAI
and round where she should be, and
bright-eyed and alert and clean cut and
nifty. 1t was only by an effort that !
convinced myself that this enhancing
creature had once been hidden beneath
a curtain of flesh. Then l recalled hav-
ing seen her on our village street lately.
But I thought she was just visitor.
"She dieted," Mrs. Pilgrim told me,
fer / am not on sufficiently famlllar
terms with queens of Sheba to put the
question direct TO the lady. Just took
that flesh off a little at time. A year
ago she was as fat as you say she was.
Now look at her J"
l said that / would when the church
gives that spectacle. i will be inter-
ested in looking at her. l trust she
knows how to dress the part.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
MEXICAN WEATHER STATIONS

If there is any one branch Of the gov
ornamental service that has absolutely
demonstrated an enormous value to the
people of the United States it is the
Weather Bureau. As an institution, it
is cramped and starved by Congress, its
personnel is underpaid, its equipment is
not always kept up to standard its pow
ers of research and investigation are
constantly hampered by lack OF money
that is forever being spent in ways that
do not return to the people one per cent
of the return they receive daily from the
Weather Bureau.
The warnings of frost and possible
freezes that are given each year by the
Bureau, that enable orchard owners. truck
growers and farmers to save and pro-
tect their crops are simply beyond COM
putation In dollars. 1t is fair to say that
they run high into the millions every
year. The only manner in which the
value of this service could be computed
would be to discontinue the service for
year and see how much we would lose.
Possibly one hundred millions might COW
er it, but it is doubtful. incidentally, one
can family imagine the uproar that would
be raised if it was proposed to discon-
tinue the Weather Bureau for even a
week, let alone for year. 1t is too val
liable to be dispensed with.
Such being the case, it seems that the
government of the United States might
very we'll take up with Mexico the highly
iISportant question of establishing wealth
er stations in Mexico in order that we
may have some idea of the meteorological
conditions in that country. We have re-
Gently had a most illuminating illustra'
ton of the desirability of this.
On Feb. 8, the Weather Bureau pre-
dictcd a period Of cold weather for thi:
part of the country. 1t arrived or
schedule. The Bureau also forecastet
that the skies would clear on the nigh
of Feb. 3 or at least on the morning o
Feb. 4. They did not clear. On the con
trary, the weather grew worse. 1t sleete'
and showed There was not sign o
clearing weather.
The average citizen, under such cir
cumstances, is inclined to censure. tn
Weather. Bureau AS fact, however
the Weather Bureau was absolutely just
fled in forecasting clearing weather-fror
the data that it was able to gather. Ha
the Bureau possessed several stations
Mexico or had there been Mexica
Weather Bureau in existence, no sue
forecast would have been made.
1t so happened that there was, sout
Of the border. storm area the ProXimit
Of which strongly affected the weath'
in the southern part of the United STATE
and rendered clearing weather impossibl
BY the morning of Feb 5 this storm ha
5 advanced to a point where the Amerlca:
+ WEATHER Bureau was able to cast ottici
= eyes upon it and the result was an IN
mediate storm warming for the Atlant
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
MEMBERS OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
HAND-PIcKED CANDIDATES

> On Sunday last The LIGHT puollshed
a story relating to local politics that was
of peculiar and especial interest. 1t was
10 the effect that Ray Lambert had been
approached by a gentleman who IN
formed him that L. ]. Hart, Fred W..
Cook. Albert Kronkosky and, presum-
ably. some others, had decided that II
would be wise for the taxpayers OF San
Antonio to elect as their next mayor the
gentleman who has given us the some
what remarkable municipal administrator
(which is now drawing to close.
The proposition made to Commission
Sr Lambert was laughable. He was IN
formed that if he would cast his political
Strength with the gentleman before men
4ioned and with such others as might be
with them, he and his friends would be
allowed to name the next commissioner
OF taxation-and he was then given the
name of the man he was expected to
choose. This would be ridiculous stuff II
it MAS pulled" on the rawest political
novice that ever aspired to an elective
office. But to put such proposition
before a man who has trod through as
MANY political fires as Mr.. Lambert, con-
stitutcs nothing but a cause for wonder
of how men get that way"
The gentlemen who were mentioned TO
commissioner Lambert as being desirous
of the reelection OF Mayor Black may
have done many public spirited. broad
minded things for the good OF San An,
tonic. They may have schemcd and
plotted deeply for its welfare and for the
qualification of its politics. They may
have done these things The LIGHT does
not say they have not. But even If they
have done, tl1em no three or four men
should be allowed to name political cam
didate or to force him upon the voters
of the city.
Any man, any number OF men possess
the right to urge for office any man who
suits them. When this right is denied
to any man that man is no longer resi-
dent of free country. HE LIGHT be-
lieves, however that when community
has expanded to the present magnitude
of San Antonio its chief magistrate should
be chosen by the people and not selected
for them by a group of two, or three, OF
four men who, whatever else may he
laid to their. charge, can never be right
fully accused Of doing more for the public
welfare than they have done tor their own
AS for o. B. Black, his administration
has been-to describe it in charitable
terms-not a success. There is no reason
why he should be foisted upon the city
for a second term and there are many
reasons, which even his hackers in hi!
first campaign admit, why he should not
This, of course. is question on which
there may be diverse opinions and which
is debatable at the ballot-box if Mr.
Black decides to become candidate fo
a second term.
There is however, no chance for argu
ment on the proposition that the tim
has gone by when two, or three, or fou
men should select a candidate for tn
Z mayoralty. When a man Us so selected
HE fact that he was so selected is goot
and sufficient reason why he should b
overwhelmingly repudiated.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
AULD LANG SYNE.

Should aud acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to min?
Should aud acquaintance be forgot,
And days O. lang syneE
For auld lang syne, my dear,
Fer auld lang syne.
Wen TAX a cup o kindness yet
For aud lang syne.
We twa haze rim about the braes,
And pu'd the gowans fine;
But we've wandered monte a weary fit
Sin aul lang syne.
We twa haze paidl't i the burn,
Frae mornin' sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin aud lang syne.-
And here's hand. my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand O. thine:
And we'll tax a right guild willie-waught
For aud lang syne.
And surely ye'lI be your pint-stowp.
And surely I'll be mine.
And well tax cup o. kindness vet
For aud lang syLea
Robert Burns
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Fon. Grnnted Final Papers.

Georgetown, Tex, Feb. 3.-Beforc
District Judge Cooper SAMSON here to-
day. w, 'Wheatly, representing the fed
eral government as naturalization ex,.
aminer, four applicants We're granted
final papers. Two were continued in
order that. the applicants might have
further opportunity to learn English,
and one was dismissed.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

z USED to have
some bad roads in
Minnesota, but per-
haps the worst gave
rise to this story:
A man was driy-
ing along through
the ! mud, making
heavy going of it,
when he noticed a
hat in the road be-
fore him. He got
out and, sinking to
his knees in the ooze.
picked up the hat.
Under it was a
mans head, and in
spite of his predica-
ment the man seem
ed very much alive.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
VIII Deport -Four Spaniards.

San BelitO, Tex, Feb. S.-Mounted
Guard Ramon Longoria returned to
Brownsville from Rio Grande City
with four Spanish aliens, captured last
week near Alice. He turned them over
to the immigration authorities here.
The Spaniards will be held pending de-
portation proceedings.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08


seen better days.
| amt had no bet
ter days. I've bin
neglected rig b t
from the start
bein' born in a
little attic in the
city while me par
ents was down at
the seashore en-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

beN %ANb-Noo
answers to ques-
lions fired at them
by the professor.
The old gentleman
paced the platform
with grow ing
anger. Finally be
called up a youth
in the front row.
"What is ahsn-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

Two fly-swatters were removed from
the tomb of King Tutenkhamen sealed
for more than 33 centuries. We are no
experts in Egyptology but it is our opin-
ion that this is conclusive evidence his
majesty was a bald-headed man..
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

PLANTATION by ask
ing for a word of
opposite meaning.
In the Scripture
lesson he dealt at
length with the
word "woe," and
s ook a day.
dreamer into alert
ness by suddenly
springing on him
the question, Jack
Ill e S,rnns Sv
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

Claus. He assured
them sol e IN II | Y
that he would be
very ungrateful
not to. Then he
told t h G IN that
Santa Claus had
twice saved him
from bankruptcy
and had made a
rrnnt denl of
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

"Well," said the other chap, "you
seem to be in a pretty bad fix"
an say so,' agreed the submerged
individual, "but I'm sure better off
than the horse under me-"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

lutte zero?" he asked.
II don't know, professor"
"You will when you get your mark
ings," he answered.
It was the custom of a teacher.
after explaining the meaning of a
word to test the efficacy of his ex-'
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

It is said that it may require several
years to dispose of the Mer Rouge cases.
We can stand it if Mer Rouge can.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Cars In California.

The percentage of automobile owner
ship is high in the state of California
where there is one car to every five
persons.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

suit you! VIII YOU
sit here or thereg
Is that chair quite
comfortable? Shall
| ask for a cush--
long" were sam.
pies Of his solici,
tude.
The waitr ess
brought tea, but
forgot the tel-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
A Laugh or Tvo

The class was exasperating. There
was no doubt about it. Some were
openly inattentiye; others floundered
or gave ridiculons
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

spoons. .o
He noticed it at once. Can we
have a spoon?' be asked. 's''g
The waitress couldn't, help it. Ser
tainly. SIR" she said. "As soon as
l have cleared this tray away you
will have the room to yourselves!"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

At the club they were having a
kidding match and asked a staid old
merchant if he Believed in Santa
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Where to Go

Vaudeville.
Majestic. Vaudeville and pictures.
Stock.
Royal. Edna Park and her players.
Motion Pictures.
Rialto. "The Voice From Minaret.
Empire. The Pride of Palomar."
Rivoli: Theodore"
Princess. "The Third Alarm"
Comedy.
Grand. "The Comedy Four" -
Luncheon Clubs. o.
Friday
Rotary Club at the st. Anthony
Kiwanis Club at the Gunter.
Conopus Club at the Menger.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

"Gee-upw was Jacks inadequate.
reply.
The Tramp--"Kind lady. amt one
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
EXTRA! TOMB OF ANOTHER
KING is FOUND IN EGYPT BY
DUNN AND GUNNER.

Last Resting Place Of In-Mem Oriam,
Unearthed by Dauntless Americans,
Reveals Astounding List Of Rare
Articles - Kings Rubbers In
Eartl,sd, but They're Not Mates!
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
CAPITOL.
A. JOKES

BY HAROLD KNUTSON
u. S. Representative From Minnesota.
Sixth District,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08

Vaudeville.
tic. Vaudeville and pictures.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Luncheon Clubs.

COMEDY. .
Grand. "The Comedy Four"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-02-08
Notion Pictures.

Stock.
Royal. Edna Park and her players.