davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1923-03-22
THE WAYS OF WASHINGTON
BY WILLIAM PICKETT HELM

It's funny about inventors. Some
OF them invent because they want
to; others because they can't help it.
The latter generally spend more
time and money on their inventions
than are ever returned to them.
The patent office is the bide-a-
wee home Of the rain-children of
the nations inventors. They troop
in by the tens of thousands every
year. Occasionally, a sound idea;
more often a cracked one; what
sorry breed they are! Poor, pitiful
little hopes, fears and ambitions of
the tribe of genius.
The line that divides genius from
insanity often is a hair-line. A list
to one side of the line may carry an
inventor into the Hall of Fame;
leaning to the other may take him
eventually to the asylum.
Nowhere on this whirling ball of
mud we call the world Is the hair
line SO apparent as in the patent Office
here in Washington.
Startlingly original, for instance,
|
gentleman. He has patented a look
ing glass fish bait. The bait, an ar
tificial fish, has a small mirror in it's
side, and the whole is highly pol
ished.
In other words, this gentleman
wants the poor fish to look at him
self in the mirror. Here Is what the
inventor says in his specification:
"The glitter and flashing lights
(of the highly polished bait) are we'll
known attractives; but the mirror
is an additional feature that insures
the effectiveness of the bait in the
following manner:
"A male fish, seeing his image upon
looking therein. will appear to see
another fish approach It from the
opposite side with intent to seize the
bait.
like spirit, but will appeal to his
"He will seize the bait quickly in
order to defeat the approaching
rival"
Fine, but what about the fish who
doesn't want to fight and who is
afrafQ Oh the approaching IlVal we
read on:
"In case the fish is suspected of
cowardice-" l..
Suspected? By whom, please, Mr..
Inventor? But, starting again:
."In case the fish is suspected of
cowardice l may make the mirror
of convex form, in order that the
rival or antagonist may appear to be
smaller
And there you are. The brave fish
gets, his and the coward likewise. It's
a gone fish that approaches that lure.
/ Wait minute, though. What
about the lady fish? We consult the
specification again, and we read:s
"In the, case of a female fish the
attractiyeness of q mirror is too
well known to need discussion"
!, For further specifications send cents
to the commissioner of patents and ask
for a copy Of patent No. 1,180,753.
The patent office haz Its regular
l,oentxihutors =inventors who have
Evening star., 1923-03-22
Coal Facts-None.

The coal situation is still what is
generally called a situation" Men
most intimately associated with coal
do not seem to have much worthwhile
Information about it, though they in
sist that they are right and that every
body else is wrong. The Washington
branch Of the United Amalgamated
Order Of Furnace Tenders and La
trobe Feeders wants to know the
facts.
The president Of District No. Z
United Mine Workers Of America,
says that the companies OF the an
thracite monopoly show unparalleled
PROFITS for the years 1920 to date. He
Snotes staSxafins dxuSs4. He mtngz
Evening star., 1923-03-22

patented dozens or scores of inven-
tions. A few of these men have
made a great deal of money. Most
of the inventions. however, of the
others are impractical and valueless.
In the class of chronic inventors
who never get anywhere with their
ideas was a professional man who
lived not many hundred miles from
Washington. He contributed to the
exchequer year after year. but never
sold a single invention, because every
thing he patented was impractical
One day the patent Office got a let
ter from his wife.
|. please don't grant my husband any
more patents" it read. He spends
all his time and most of his monsy
on you.
He doesn't get much salary, and
he can't get more, because he doesn't
do much but work on inventions.
"And his salary is needed here at
home. So please don't do any more
business with him.
There is on record in the patent
office the case of an examiner who
resigned some fifty-odd years ago be-
cause he had reached the conclusion,
that there wasn't anything left toy
invent and patent. Therefore, he rea-
soned, he would soon be thrown out
of a job. So he beat the government
to 1t by quitting.
More patents have been granted
since then than were granted before.
Another unusual incident is the
case of a gentleman who invented a
handy hat for winter wear This
gentleman liked to walk along the
street with his hands in his pockets.
He was quite bothered by the ne
cessity of removing his hands from
the warmth of his pockets to lift his
hat to ladies of his acquaintance.
So he invented a hat that lifts
itself. All he has to do is lean for
ward and, presto! off comes the hat
! He leans back and. bingo! on it goes
again.
Handy, no end. All the courtesies
of the occasion and none of the in
conveniences. Oddly, none of the hat
factories bought the invention.
A movie has been made entitled
How to Get a Patent" The movie
shows also some of the other side of
the picture, and in that. too, it is true
to life.
Reuben and whiskers come in from
| the farm. He has an idea worth mil
| lions 1t is a new-fangled, slick pat
ent for pair of suspenders, or, as he
calls 'em, "galluses."
Into the suspender room he goes.
Rows of filing cases line the walls.
Each filing. case has from a dozen E,
several hundred descriptions of pat
ents already granted.
From one Of the compartments a
clerk takes a sheaf of papers. They
are the patents on suSpenders.
Reuben, chin and whiskers working
on a tobacco cud, looks over his
shoulder. Presently they reach a de-
scription that brings Reuben's busy
jaws to a full stop.
He stops, stares and spits.
Gosh" he says, ALREADY patent
ed-back in 1849."
Most simple ideas already have been
patented
Evening star., 1923-03-22
Sees a Labor Ministry Looking on
Horizon.

The compelling reason why King
to dine at Lady Astor's with the
leaders Of the British labor party is
believed by most editors to be that
they are convinced the time is not
far distant when labor will be called
on to form a cabinet. Most of those
who discuss the subject consider the
action a proper one and have little
sympathy. for the opposition voiced
by a certain element of the advanced
laborites in Britain. Some, however,
suggest there was a desire to make
trouble in labor ranks behind the
invitation.
The world is losing much OF its
aristocratfc manner and daily there
are signs of increased democracy on
the horizon" says the Dayton News
After everything is said and done
this king business is on the toboggan
in the world. Rulers no longer hold
themselves aloof from the rest of
ntze that democracy is in the saddle
and il is going to make its voice
heard in public affairs. Lady Astor
demonstrated her own democratic
concept in arranging this dinner. and
the circumstance, while out of the
ordinary is quite wholesome" En-
phasis placed on the fact that the
laborites wore knee breeches' seems
ovcrdone. as the Toronto Star sees
it, because lit can be taken for
granted that to Ramsay Macdonald
Clynes and the others. and to Lady As
tor also. silk knee breeches are neither
here nor there alongside the funda-
mental realities of the hour. These
men lead the official opposition in
parliament. The king sees in them
q rising force in the nation and he
takes them into account. They re-
spond as men of serious purpose
should. accepting every ruling of use
and custom at par Yet stepping as
they did into a social region where
silk knee breeches are deemed i'm
perative, their mental reactions-con-
sidering their own history and ex-
perience-were perhaps best relieved
by the fact Of Lady Astor. who met
them with banter and discussed knee
the Brooklyn Eagle points out. prob
ably there never was a time in the
history of the British empire when
a crown and-people alliance could
the whole situation as it might be
today. The time may come, and
come soon, when a labor ministry
will be not unwelcome to the reign
ing sovereign. The trend as shown
by the by-elections is largely in
labor's favor. and 1t is a trend not
likely to subside If conservatism
governs the party's course, as Is more
than likely under the leadership of
Ramsay Macdonald"
Should a labor cabinet develop, the
Pittsburgh Gazette-Times points out
that, while George might still be
the king. the laborites. would repre-
sent the people Of England, who
really have the power, despite the
existence of the monarch. Instead of
patronizing the laborites by breaking
bread with them, it is more, pro babl e
that the king has recognized the pres
ence Of a force with which he may
Evening star., 1923-03-22

Undoubtedly one OF the decisive fac
tors In President Harding's determine
tion to seek second term was the ap-
proval of his duchess" as he long has
termed the first lady Of the land.
Throughout their married life Mrs.
Harding his been a valued coadjutor of
the President. He seldom resorts to a
major course of action affecting his
personal fortunes without seeking her
counsel. That relationship has existed
ever since Mr.. and Mrs. Harding collab-
GRATED, as young people, I'M the man.
agement and upbuilding of the Marion
Daily Star. Mrs. Harding says her
greatest achievement on the Star was
the development of its circulation. She
specialized in training carrier boys how
to handle their routes and capture
new subscribers. Some OF the lads she
trained are now co-proprietors Of the
newspaper which laid the foundation of
Warren G. Harding's political fame.
X X X n
Over In the noble hall Of maps at the
Army War College in Washington bar
racks there is about to be hung a giant
photograph immortahzing the sojourn
Of the doughboy at Castle Ehrenbreit-
stein. 1t Is labeled american Watch
on the Rhine" and is a handsomely
colored- enlargement, some twenty five
feet long and eight feet deep, of a
camera impression. The picture shows
a characteristic stretch of the Rhine,
with a typical German barge swinging
laZily at anchor. while Yankee infantry
men are seen patrolling the banks No
canvas in oils could be more atmos-
pheric. Maj. Gen. Edward F. McGlach-
lin, jr.. who rs now commandant Of the
Division at Coblenz. and the big snap
shot revives for him vividly the old days
among the Heinies.
X
Plans of the Roosevelt Memorial
Association for a monumental COM
memoration of the soldier-President
in Washington are rapidly assuming
shape. special committee OF the
association is dealing with the prof.
ect, its members including Elihu
Root. Mark Sullivan. Senator Hiram
w. Johnson. VIII II. Hays. James r.
Garfield. James p. Goodrich. Irwin r.
Kirkwood. Frank b. Kellogg. Arthur
w. Page, Gen. Leonard Wood and
Raymond Robbins. The sculptors of
America will be invited to formulate
a plan for creating a Roosevelt
memorial of impre sSiveness not short
of that of the sphinx or the pyramids.
One suggestion is that the memorial
shall take the form of lion. If that
idea is adopted, there is a proposal
Evening star., 1923-03-22
A Loss to the Service.

In the resignation Of Merritt o.
Chance as head Of the Washington
city post Office the local postal system
has lost popular and efficient official.
Washington business interests. to
which he will go. gain in proportion.
Mr.. Chance, in his eight years as
postmaster Of Washington, brought
the local post Office and its activities
to q high level, SO that generally
throughout the service the Washing.
ton city post Office is regarded as q
model for the rest Of the country.
He proved himself to be an executive
Of the best type. able to take .advan.
tags ae the baGt IN tAe rns1 beneath
Evening star., 1923-03-22
SHOOTING STARS.
BY PHILANDER JOHNSON.
The Base Ball Enthusiast.

AhO A1oC ASoAA AZA1thuoA0Sts
Once more the frail arbutus smiles
And wakes the soul to song.
The springtime blossoming begufles
The heart, but not for long.
For though the sunkissed blooms be
sweet,
Their joys ere long must pail.
My happiness is not complete
Till some one smites the ball.
The gentle birds who soar on high,
With songs so sweet and clear,
Are not so welcome to my eye
AS that well batted sphere.
In sylvan haunts I would not dwell.
I'd rather, once for all,
Sit on a bench and whoop and yell
When some one smites the ball.
Evening star., 1923-03-22
In a Few Words.

George Washington's cabinet recoz-
n1zed the revolutionary government
of France in 1898, and 1T ds the duty
OF this nation, in the interest Of peace
sia13ir and humanity, to recognize. uncondi-
SENATOR BoRAH.
hate to work. I wouldn't work IL
didn't have to. I hate work 50
much I'd like to be Vice President
again.
THOMAS R. MARSHALL
: If milady keeps her most savage
weapon, feminine charm, well pol
ished, I care not whether she plays
the ukelele or the slide trombone, nor
whether she indulges in croquet or
-E GORDON HALL Ocean. Dart
mouth).
1 am an American and. have no ,ad-
vice to offer France and no desire to
SENATOR HIRAM JOHNSON.
I would like to see a uniform COS
TUNE Tor every woman. providing, of
MRS. WILSON WOODROW.
The solid south isn't as hopelessly
solid as are the ivory headpieces OF
some OF those east, west and north
who try to write about it.
w. o. SAUNDERS.
President Harding will be a candi-
date in 1924 because of public de-
mand, not because he wishes it. No
man wants that job much. once he
|-HTToRMEY GENERAL DAuGH-
ERTY. ..,-.s-
Evening star., 1923-03-22

Belief of the Egyptians that the
which bit Lord Carnarvon
was a reincarnation Of King Tut bent
on vengeance makes one wonder why
the pharaoh did not choose to be a
crocodile.
Evening star., 1923-03-22
All Other States.
Member of the Associated Press

The Associated Press Is exclusively entitled
TO the use for republication of all news dis
patches credited to il or NOT otherwise credited
in this paper and also the local news pub.
lished herein All rights Of publication of
special dispatches herein are also reserved
Evening star., 1923-03-22

William Jennings Bryan indorses
the Cox attitude on international af.
fairs. Thus Is the pattern for Miss
Democracy's 1924 costumes shaped In
advance.
Evening star., 1923-03-22

What will the advocates of the new
word 'Unistation". turn to if the com.
munists carry out their threat OF es-
tablishing a United States of Eu.
rope?
Evening star., 1923-03-22

In the matter of traffic regulation
Washington" to quote the classic
words of Daniel Webster, lis in the
clear upper sky"
Evening star., 1923-03-22

A band of Piute Indians is on the
warpath in Utah. How do they get
that way these dry days?
Evening star., 1923-03-22

And do the men Of Des Lacs, N. D..
actually expect to escape the rule of
women by turning them out Of office?
Evening star., 1923-03-22

Eamonn De Valera keeps just one
5ump ahead of capture. 1t is a sinister
game Of hare and hounds they are
playing these. days in Ireland.
Evening star., 1923-03-22

According to Mr. Manly, the heavy
sugar babies" do not all have their
habitat on Broadway.
Evening star., 1923-03-22
A Hard Problem.

Dis life is an arithmetic
OATS hard to understan';
It's lesson in subtraction
Dat mus come to every man.
You's got to fin de difference
It hurts little Bit
'Twix' what you thinks you ought to
have
An what you 4wineter git.
Oars muffin dat's too good fon us
When we are stahtin' out,
But as de years go slippin' by
Dere comes a gloomy doubt.
De difference surprises you.
When it's mos time to quit,
'Twix' what you thought you ought to
have
An what you gwineter git.
Evening star., 1923-03-22

Lenin improves steadily. even If
Russia does not.
Evening star., 1923-03-22
Rate by Mail-Payable in Advance,
MARYLAND and Virginia.

Daily only. L yr., $500; mo-, soc
Sunday only. ......1 yr., $40; mo-, zoe
Evening star., 1923-03-22
A Reproacli.

A Reproach.
Little bit O. sunshine.
Bout an hour or SO:
Den de stormciouds gather
An de wind begins to blow
Mahch is like some people,
Sayin' up deir gold;
Has a liberal impulse,
But 1t mighty soon gifts cold.
Oh, Mahch, why does you ack SO?
Yoh ways Is mighty queer.
Youis jes' about de stingiest month
NA1neets n an De yeaxS
Evening star., 1923-03-22

The Evening Star with the Sunday morning
edition, Is delivered by carriers within the city
at 90 cents per month; daily only, 45 cents per PEI
ders may be sent by mail, or telephone Main
5000. Collection is made by carriers at the
end of each month.
Evening star., 1923-03-22

I would like to see a uniform cos
tune Tor every woman, providing, of
course, could pick my own uniform
MRS. WILSON WOODROW.
Evening star., 1923-03-22

The patent office haz Its regular
inventors who have
The McCarthy weekly news., 1923-01-06

time on the violin and Miss Ptol ny gave some music on the drums.
 Everyone had a fine time and at about, 3 the dance.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
ORDERS BRITISH SHIPS OUT.
London Not Likely, However, to
Obey Turk Request in Full.

BY the Associated Press.
LAUSANNE, July 10.-Turkey
wants Great Britain to remove her
warships from Turkish waters stimuli
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
TURK PACT FAILS
TO CHEER LONDON
Lausanne Result Not Likely
to Advance Peace in Near
East, General View.
BY the Associated Press.

By the Associated Press.
LONDON, July 1O.-Except for sat-
isfaction that the apparently in
terminable discussions at Lausanne
at last have ended in some sort of an
agreement, there is little gratitica-
ton here over the outcome.
Speaking generally, and allowing
for approval Of certain details of the
settlement the opinion Of the news
papers is that Turkey won sub
stantial victory and obtained i'm
measurably more from her nominal
conquerers than would have been
thought possible a few months ago.
The historian will set down with
amusement the slender resources
with which Turkeys representatives
have defied and bullied the allies"
says the Morning Chronicle, and this
Is typical Of several other comments.
That the settlement is likely to ad-
vance the progress of peace in the
in the general European situation is
nowhere confidently believed.
The Times, regretting that "a def
mite peace was not imposed swiftly.
sternly and categorically upon de-
feated Turkey four years ago" goes
on to say: 1.-The dreary round OF
nations and individuals seeking con-
Cessions from Turkey will begin
again; once more Turkey will play off
one sutton against another. fiatterlng
the pride of this one and enticing the
greed of that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
PROTESTANTSH HIT
PROHIBITION FOES
Statement by Denomination
Secretaries Attacks Un-
American influences. .
BY the Associated Press.

BY the Associated Press.
CHICAGO, July 10.-A statement
and an appeal of church officials to
all members and adherents OF
Protestant churches, saying that pro-
hibition is being systematically i'm
pugned and defied by selfish interests,
was made public today by DIR. Deets
Pickett. research secretary. board of
temperance. prohibition and public
morals of the Methodist Episcopal
Church. through the committee on
conservation and advance here.
The statement was signed by DR.
Charles Scanlon, LID. general sec
rotary of the board of temperance
and moral welfare of the Presby
terrain Church of the United States
DR. Clarence True Wilson. general
secretary Of the board of temperance
prohibition and public morals of the
M snsi EpiIs1 fean Ghur6h' zs eS
education secretary of the American
Baptist Society, Northern Baptist
Convention; DR.. James Empringham
general secretary. church Temper
ance Society of the Protestant Epis-
copal Church, and DIR. Rufus w. Mil
Ter, general secretary publication
and Sunday school board of the Re-
formed Church.
Points TO Alien Influence.
prohibition, established by orderly
process at the ballot box, is being
systematically impugned and Gefied
by selfish interests" the statement
said Allen influences, not simply
un-American, but in many cases anti
American, propose to establish a con-
dition of notification of the prohibit
ton law.
..Tbasa man ora mot now ,,,I.;p q
a direct attack upon the eighteenth
amendment, as they know that such
an attempt would be fruitless. WI :
they desire is to weaken enforce
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
230 WOMEN TAKE PART
IN GERMAN TRACK MEET
One Captures Five Firsts, Breaking
All Records for
Her Club

BERLIN, July 10.-German women
are today so keenly interested in
sports that 23O competitors partici-
pated In women's athletic meet held
recently by a Neukoe1ln club.
The star performer proved to be
Miss Furchheim, a member of the
entertaining organization that had
previously won championship laurels
Her club won the meet because she
herself captured five separate events.
She was first In the 100 meter dash in
1871 seconds, after having gone the
distance in 1872 seconds during the
eliminations. Then she took the broad
jump at ell meters. The next con-
test she won was a sort of "pentath-
lon" of three events-100-mete dash.
broad jump and high jump. And later
she brought home the blue ribbon in
the 400-meter and 1,000-meter walks.
Miss Benischke of Zehlendorf club
put the shot LA meters for a win.
and teammate, Miss Hornig, won
the javelin throw with $500 meters.
The former also won the high jump,
clearing 100 meters.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10

ment of the law, 10 encourage its
violation, to incite hostility to 1t by
subtle jests, false rumors and dis
torted facts. 1t is particularly their
object at the forthcoming and sue
ceeding congressional sessions to
weaken enforcement of prohibition
by unjust criticisms and hampering
of the administration of the law.
Demand Party Statements.
THE Christian people of this coun-
try demand that all political parties
shall declare for full enforcement of
prohibition and against any weaken
ing of the national prohibition act.
The churches of this country expect
no party to put forward candidates
for President or Vice President who
are opposed to the United States
Constitution they must swear to en-
force, or who are politically indebted
to corrupt influences, or who have en-
couraged the notification OF Ameri-
can laws"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
ANGoRA TO SIGN PACT.
Ismet Pasha Given Authority by
His Government.
By the Associated Press.

By the Associated Press.
CONSTANTINOPLE, July 10.-The
Angora government, after examina-
ton of the latest dispatches from
Lausanne, has authorized Ismet Pasha
to sign the peace treaty. There had
been some doubt as to what action
the authorities at Angora would take,
or how long it might be delayed, but
the announcement made yesterday ap-
parently confirms the settlement
which was reached at Lausanne by
Ismet and the delegates representing
the allies
1t is considered that the head of
the Turkish delegation at the near
east conference has gained notable
diplomatic victories, and there is a
feeling Of satisfaction In COnstanti-
nople. and evidently at Angora, over
the outcome of the draw n out
negotiations
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
DENIES CHANGED SYSTEM
IN RUM PRESCRIPTIONS

ASHEVILLE. n. c., July 10.--De-
cisions by New York and Montana
jurists that the prohibition depart
ment cannot regulate the amount of
whisky given on prescriptions by
physicians will not change the pres
ent system of enforcement. Roy
Haynes, prohibition director, de-
clared.
Mr.. Haynes left Asheville for
Washington and before his depa rture
said that all bonded whisky is under
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1923-07-10
DECLARES WOMAN INSANE.
Mrs. Ford Recently Acquitted OF
Conspiracy to Kill Mate.

FORT WAYNE. Ind, July 10.-Mrs.
May Ford. wife of Ney ]. Ford.
wealthy Michigan farmer. living near
Detroit, was adjudged a person of
unsound mind by Judge Sol A. Wood
in circuit court yesterday. Ray Dut-
ton, her brother, was named as
guardian. When Mrs. Ford was de-
clared insane here a few weeks ago
in justice court. attorneys for her
charged that the hearing was irregu-
lar and that Mrs. Ford had herself
declared insane to stop divorce pro-
ceedingS which her husband had IN
Stituted. Mrs. Ford recently was ac-
quilted in Detroit of charge of
spiracy have her husband killed
pital.