The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-10-18
The Clever
Advertiser
By MORRIS SCHULTZ

ADVERTISER
By MORRIS SCHULTZ
"This Is the room occupied by
General Washington after the battle
OF Trenton piped the little. with
ered-up old landlady.
"Looks like an ordinary room to
me-" grunted Jim Crane.
"Oh, James, how perfectly
SWEET" exclaimed his wife enthusi-
astically. "Just think of our sleep
Ing in the room Washington slept
In after the battle OF Trenton. Who
else slept here, Mrs. Starchr'
This room," piped Mrs. Starch
In melancholy tones, us called the
celebrities room. It has been 0ccu.
pied by Lincoln, General Grant and
Edgar Allan Poe at various times
This chair is one Benedict Arnold
once sat down In" "a asra
"Oh, Jim, do look at Benedict
Arnold's chair! Isn't 1t dearT cried
Molly.
"Well, they can say that James
Crane also sat down in this chair"
grumbled her husband, planting
himself heavily in It.
Jim. you are SO unromantic-"
Seventy bucks q week, just to
say we've sat down In b. Arn0ld's
chair and slept In the room occupied
by"
"But that bed was slept In by
General Washington after the battle
Of Trenton!" exclaimed Molly.
F"Just think Of 1t, Jamesl It's some.
thing to be proud Of all ones life. to
say one slept In the bed Washington
slept in"
Jim Crane grunted without an.
swering. He had too much com.
mon sense to respond. he knew his
wife was crazy on the subject OF
antiques.
| Besides, the little country Inn,
which looked no better than small
farmers cottage, was packed with
the wealthy. INDUCING in the luxury
If residing In the same house as
Washington, Grant, Lincoln, Edgar
Allan Poe and Benedict Arnold. But
Of all the guests none eQualed the
Cranes, who were envied and es-
teemed-for they had the celebrl.
ties room.
"All l got to say" grunted Jim
Crane next morning, "that II Wash.
ington, Lincoln, Grant, and Edgar
Allan Poe occupied that bed they
must have slept mighty badly"
Nov, Jim, you are horridi" ex.
claimed Molly. "You know perfect
~ well In those days they had great
soft feather mattresses"
"Humph !" said Jim Crane. "Still,
I'm not surprised B. Arnold pre-
ferred to sit up all night in that
chair. 1t doesn't look like very
old chair to me-"
In fact he had curious sort nf
idea that he had sat in that CHAIR
before. He dared not tell Molly.
however, because he knew she
would tell him 1t was reincarnation.
| The week wore away. The
Cranes were tortured and envied:
they slept the sleep of the damned.
but everyone pointed them out dur.
Ing the day rs the people occupying
the celebrities room.
Old Mrs. Starch was the fifth OF
the generations to occupy the old
Sthrch mansion. 1t had housed all
the leading men Of Revolutionary
! and Colonial times. In short. Mrs.
Starch, when she was left lmpov.
erished. had suddenly struck gold
mine by converting her home into
a hotel and charging proportionate
prices.
well, I hope you've enjoyed your
visit, Molly" growled Jim Crane.
on the last afternoon. "One more
night In George Washington's bed
and I'll be glad to hit the hay In
our own little home"
Listen, Jim," said Molly. II be-
lieve Mrs. Starch would sell us Ben
edict ArnOld's chair for two thou.
sand dollars. She hinted-"
1.-TWO thousand! Say. that's the
limit" yelled Jim Crane. tearing
his hair.
"But, Jim. dear, just think OF
having 1t in our drawlng-room
Il won't fall for that stuifw
lowled Jim, and Molly, with an of.
Tended gesture, sailed out Of the
room, leaving him in despair.
He knew that she would have
her way. It was q clear waste of
two thousand honest dollars. Left
alone. he stared at the chair. which
leered back at him with Its crooked
arms and splay legs sprawiing.
With sudden uncomfortable anger
Jim Crane raised his shoe-tree and
brought 1t down, smash, smash. upon
Benedict Arn0ld's chair.
The chair collapsed into brittle
sections. Startled by the sounds.
Molly and Mrs. Starch came run
ming in. They screamed.
Jim, what have you d0ne7"
Jim grabbed Molly by the arm
and pointed to something lying
among the debris.
"See that pocket knife9. he asked
gfim'y. That's mine. lost II
down the back OF the seat five years
>ago, when that chair belonged to
me, before sold on our old Junk
~ Cohen. That chair cost .$fO.95
TO: b. Grand Rapids, and"
He turned on, Mrs. Starch. ''It's
afl bunk y he shouted. washing
ton never slep: here, nor lincoln,
nor anybody more interesting than
James and Molly Crane. But I take
on my hat to you - the greatest
little advertiser I've struck.
(N ASA. wssterp NesspApsr Union.y
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