The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-25
It's Always
The Way
BY Jesse Wilkins.

SlCp Du1n AitO IIC hOuSS k0T IT.
And, in spite of all objections
from the housekeeping missus
(you know IL you come back
she'll find work for you to dog,
you slip it into your sweater
pocket, ease into the hammock,
fall asleep. and an hour later,
just as Junior yells, awake with
a start and roll out Of the ham
mock onto the bottle, then In q
rage have to walk mile to the
drug store for a new one, your
wife's II told you So you big
know-it.all," ringing in your ears.
You lend one.week library
book you found especially inter.
esting to the new stenographer,
who processes to be quite madly
in love with ''lit-er-achur,'s her.
little brother inhales the wi1oop.
ing cough, with diphtheria on the
side. and in the course of time
you pay a 7S-cent fine at the.
library, then have to buya new
book when the stenog writes She
doesn't think she will be back,
and "Oh! speaking of that book,
you know little Freddy when he
was sick liked to play with It, 30,
of course. let him take 1t, and
one day he bit nineteen chapters
out OF 1t, and, of course. can't
return it, and think It's too funny
for words. don't your Funny
thing, too, he ate that part about
the fight-you know that thrill.
ing part-and his fever went UP
sumpin' awful"
You don't buy tickets ahead for
the opening ball game, arrive at
the park and can't get in for love
nor money. So, for the first i'm
portant Sunday game you make
up your mind you will see 1t right
if it costs you all you have: %
You invest in a field box, invite
some friends, and in the fifth In
ming it rains, and you not only
get drenched, but hafta buy
taxicab home.
You take your Presbyterian
mother in law to q Broadway
show, and it turns out to be more
raw than burlesuue, and she
bawls you out all the way home
and says you are a savage.
"Heve you noticed the latest
thing in mems Clothes
Yes. Women" ss'.'
.151es
Freshman-We1l, me lad, I un-
derwent a thorough physical ex-
animation today and the doc says
that I'm as sound as nut. eza
Soph-Oh! He's also an alien
list?
We heard a wonderful argument
against marriage the other day.
A man and his wife were hav-
ing it.
Jonah stepping out Of the
whalel-That's what I call a heat
ed taxi.
Benefactor-Isn't it sort Of en-
barrassing, for a man Of your ed
ucation, to go from door to door
receiving cast-off clothing and
something to eat7
Tramp-No, sir. My father was
as fine a man as ever lived and
he did it.
was he-er-also a tramp?" .
mo, sir, he was a srnall.town
minister"
What do you think Of our rest
room?" asked the head Of the de-
partment store.
,"Wisht could fix UP some
thing like It," sighed the country
merchant. But my loafers want
to be out where they kin see
everything that is going on"
I'VE can't seem to stimulate in.
terest in community singing"
You awimmen think you know
1t all. but you don't. We used to
have plenty Of It when the bars
were open"
An income tax is the test Of
character, not of income.
The weather forecaster doesn't
know what to say It with.
First we'll bore for OIL"
And IL we don't strike oii?"
Then we'll tunnel for copper"
And II we don't strike copper"
Wen raise mushrooms."
"Thls weather doesn't agree
with me-"
That's not surprising: It doesn't
n,,or erren with the weather
man"