davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
G GEMS sshS4E1tO. HENRY
A TREASURE TRoVE OF HUMOR FROM HIS
NEWLY DISCOVERED NEWSPAPER WRITINGS
HAD A USE FOR 1T.


STRONG scent of onions and the kind of whkey advertised
u for medicinal purposes through the kyhoe closely
followed by individual bearing bulky manuscript under
his about the size Of a roll of wallpaper.
The individual Of the description referred to by English
of democratic
the bone and sinw Of the country and the of his
The editor at his desk with his hands nched his scany
hair gazing desparngy typewriter letter from the house
where he bought his paper supply
The individual a chair close the editor the
heavy desk which creaked beneath weight
ve worked nineteen hours it, he sad "but
last" 1885,
what is it?" asked the editor. "A lawn RI"
at Presidents messag
each and Of his damnabe doctrines complete
scahng nsidious
that he has advanced"
About how many-cr-how pounds
tans?" said the editor thoughtfuly
Five hundred and twenty-seven pages sir, and"
written pencil the paper?" asked the editor
with a strange light shining in his eyes,
Eyes, and it treats Of"
leave the editor from his chair 7
have doubt it to advantage"
The individual with strong effort collected his breath and
departed
Ten minutes later six India rubber had been purchased
and the entire
The great weekly out time but the editor gazed
unreceipted bill
$50 far good but wonder what will print
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
WORDS FROM
THE LIPS OF
WISE MEN

" HE best things are not
bought and sold.
It is a sign Of good man II he
grows better for commentator.
It is astonishing how little one
feels poverty when one loves.
He does much who does a
little we'll.
Write down the advice Of him
who loves you, though you like
1t not at present.
Custom oftimes has an ascend
ency over the understanding.
We are not so much to strain
ourselves to make these virtues
appear in US which really we
have not, as to avoid those inn
projections which may dishonor
us.
A man should take care, above
for himself.
Sincerity and honesty carry one
through many difficulties which
all the arts he can invent would
never help him through.
Common sense in an uncommon
degree Is what the world calls
wisdom.
He who reigns within himself
and rules passions, desires, and
fears, is more than a king.
Poverty Is in want Of much,
but avarice of everything.
That preaching that comes
from the soul works on the soul.
Copyright. 1929. by Newspaper
Feature Service, Inc)
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
COATS WOR n
BY COWS IN
HOLLAND

" o many a person there Is no
more picturesque country
II than Holland. The land.
scape with its windmills in bold
relief against the sky and the
streets crowded with busy people
in quaint native dresses make as
characteristic pictures as do sucn
glimpses of Japan.
The Hollanders are a particu-
larly sturdy and vigorous race
and have held their country IN
tact against great odds. This
they have been obliged to do on
account of its peculiar position.
For Holland is wedged between
two great powers and two dis
tinct races, which have been AT
loggerheads since the beginning
Of time.
But Holland has had to fight
not only other peoples to pre-
serve her individuality as a ma
ton. She has had a stronger
enemy than a human antagonist
to combat. For centuries Hol-
land has had to- fight a continual
battle with the sea.
This little country at many
points D0IO" sea loNSI, anu AOE
this reason Holland has built
the great dykes which have kept
the mighty enemy from sweeping
over her fields, destroying her
crops, washing away her houses
and claiming many lives.
Naturally, with the sea at its
very doors, Holland is a damp
country. In the spring the damp
ness offers a danger to cattle.
For the sharp winds blowing
across the lowlands and the very
damp earth expose the fine Hol-
stein cows, for which Holland is
famous, to the grave danger Of
catching cold.
But, since the production If
cheese and other dairy products
Is one Of the chief industries of
this bustling country. the provi-
dent Dutchmen guard against
their cows catching cold.
So the traveller is much amused
as he journeys across the flat
country, to see every member Of
the great herds of fine cattle
wearing spring overcoat Of
brown sacking to keep it warm
and well.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
Once-Overs
Copyright 1929 International Feature Service 1nc)
BE SYSTEMATIC IN SAVING FOR VACATION.

Had to scrape around usual this year get money
enough to go vacationing.
Last year when returned from your summer outing
minus a bank account perhaps with "overdrawn''
notice your mail you determined to be caught thus
never again
yearly vacation and you meant to keep this
resolve.
For weeks you carried this then you let it drop
So here again, about to take your vacation
enough money to do planned and checking
depleted
Now what are you going to do in regard to years
vacation9
Isn't this same old routine getting monotonous9
Some system Of savings if consistently followed might
have prevented this condition with its depressing effect
mind but you too easygolng TOO mentally lazy,
much given to letting your desires control you be able
quit your foolish and expensive throughout the
year. to become systematic in your saving.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
Tall Girls Should Be Proud,
Not BaShful J
AS Mothers, They Improve the Race.
Men to Average Up.

The human race kept well balanced because there tall
men to marry short girls and tall girls to short men
Men are responsible foolish notion that Tiny little
woman possesses lacking in in the neghbor
hood six feet tall That dates back to time when the
bridegroom carried off his bride by force.
It is still fashion savage countries for the bride
groom knock down the young lady and her to
prove his manly character and make her submissive
With habits prevailing the girl not weighing much
convenient carry Many lacked energy and
strength carry bride through the woods This made the
little popular at time.
Them you know have false idea of marriage many
also.
They have thought that there ought be physical and
mental the mans side and helpless prettiness on the
other.
We know better now With suffrage and education
1t ought fifty managers of the theatrical trust
used to say.
For the tall girl all facts are favorable You know that
Nancy Hanks of Lincoln, nearly quite six feet
tall
The mother Charlemagn of the worlds greatest
men, called Bertha with the Big Feet which means that
she very tall for big feet with great height
You have to bend certain amount of the length give
the body something to stand
Caharne of Russia first humble camp follower, then
Empress brbed the Turkish generals and saved her
gigantic husband Peter the Great tall woman, and
everybody passing looked small to her.
There stands in magnificent room, all by herself in the
the world She lived than thousand She
lives marble made immortal by great sculptor She
Is the Venus Amess mutlated she taller than the
young woman who this letter. the Venus Of Milo the
most inspiring magnificent and interesting earth in
spite of being ony marble The only to compare
with her is Michaelangelo's Moses, at Rome.
would prefer the famous Venus AcrOupie bending
prey with her cunning dmpled hands little ankles
understood body But the Of all art past and
present. is the tall Venus of Milo.
Nothing pitifu1 than tall young girls
bending drawing their shoulders ashamed of the noble
height that Nature has given them.
greatest triumph of the human achieved when
it learned painfully stand its hind feet looking out over
top of the grass for its enemies and toward the stars
wonder about them
Foolish men only conceive leness in itself charm
It isn't.
Bgness ttleness does count The things that count
girl before Others the to these questions
ARE YOU FOND OF CHILDREN?
you realize that it is the highest duty to protect the
weak and possible add good samples to the earhs popula
ton?
ARE YOU UNsELFIsH AND DEVOTED, patient with
mans stupidity not TOO patient?
If any foolish young crtczes your height, young
lady tell descendant of those that didn't have the
energy strength marry tall wife, and picked out
little And add, Some admire squatty cabbages others
lofty pine trees am a lofty pine tree.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04

all of whom, believing in the
old theory of the man-eating
shark, expected to see the sail
ors devoured alive. Without
the slightest hesitancy, after
stripping off their clothing, the
sailors had plunged into the
water. The sharks scooted
away in great haste, and only
with the greatest coaxing, with
pieces of meat thrown into the
water, could they be induced to
come at all near, so long as
any of the men remained in
swimming.
From an advantageous posi-
ton on the upper deck of the
ship one could clearly see Mr..
Shark keeping at a safe dis
lance away.
l have questioned hundreds
of seasoned old tars in different
parts of the world, and, while
all had their theories, am yet
unable to find any person who
can prove that the so-called
"man-eating shark" will ac-
tually attack a live man.
J. JAY JAYNE.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
Postal Tarries

ut. CLAIRSVILLE, Ohio A
. postcard, mailed to her from
~ Atlantic City on July 20,
1908, has just been received by
Miss Bertha Saltgraver, Bellaire.
Miss Saltsgraver, now deputy au-
ditor Of Belmont county, Is a
former deputy inspector of work
shops and factories. She pointed
out that, had the card waited an
other month 1t would have been
just fifteen years In reaching It's
destination.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
He Doesn't Believe in Man.
Eating Sharks
But There ARE Sharks That Might Change His Belief.

This reader says: Don't be afraid of sharks They don't
bite, he adds; they afraid of men,
There doubt that the shark like the lion Of the Jungle
Is timid animal Unless he starving tmidy controls him
and flies But how you be that YOUR
lion YOUR shark is not hungry enough to forget his
tmdity? That's the question
lost legs and lives occasions when the shark
happened to be hungry.
this wellmeaning letter from good reader with
feeling of famous Samuel Johnson who said suddenly
in the midst of talkatve company and apropos of nothing
Button says the black bear is harmless But should like
to trust myself with him. +"
Now The letter FROM Mr.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04

This being the height of the
bathing season, especially along
the Atlantic coast of North
America, there arises again the
great anxiety of the shark. AS
a "globe trotter" and "world
traveller" let me cite one ex-
perience which might, to some
extent, quiet the fears of some
of the more skeptical.
Anchored off the coast of
Yucatan, three miles from Pro-
greso. our steamer was sur
rounded by sharks of the So
called man-eating variety. Fast
ening a huge chunk of meat on
q hook, a stout rope for a fish
ing line, and a log for a bob
Der, we tried our luck at shark
fishing. The sharks, being thus
attracted, came clearly into
view, many of them the largest
of the species. One was finally
caught, but, in being pulled out
of the water, broke the hook in
two. AS the day was fright
fully hot, ten or more of the
seamen decided to go in swim
ming, much to the consterna-
ton Of the passengers on board,
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on Economic
Discomfort.

<<VV7 need to change standards, not of property
w but of thought. We need to stop trying be bet
ter than someone else, and start doing something
for someone else If all the emphasis material
prosperity that prosperity will perish and with it viii
perish civilization. The best that is in man not
bought with price To offer money only is appeal
his weakness his strength Employer and employed
must find their satisfaction in money return but in
service rendered. in the quality of the goods but in
the quality of the character Industry be humanred
not DESTROYED"
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on Law and Order.

I<THERE srident voices urging resistance to law
i in the name of freedom. They seeking free
dom for themselves-they have it; they are
seeking to enslave others. Their works are evil They
know it. They must be resisted The evil they represent
must be by the good represent These ideas
which for the most part imported be sup
planted by ideas which right This be done The
meaning of America power which cannot be overcome
Prosecution of the criminal and education of the ignorant
the remedies They who break the slaves
of their crime. It advantage of others
that the citizen aded to obey the law but for his
advantage What he claims right do Others that he
must admit others have right to do to him His obedience
is his protection He submitting himself to the
dictates of Others but responding the requirements of
his nature Laws manufacturers they are not
mposedhey rules of action existing from everlasting
to everlasting"
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
Sleepless Race

|" RIESTE.-A fantastic compe-
tition held Eere to determine
Il how long 1t was possible to
go without sleep was won by two
young men who remained awake 81
hours so minutes continuously.
Competitors were expected TO be
wide awake, merry and bright
while funeral marches and lul,a.
bies were played.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
Thief Cleans Up

MK ADISON. Wis. - When
M stranger entered the ga
AVA rage operated here by F..
G.. Knacheur and asked whether
he could "clean up" the proprie-
tor took It for granted, he told
tho police, that the stranger
meant hls somewhat soiled face.
The stranger. however. obvious
" Ind notions OF his own. He
not only washed his face but
removed u wallet containing n
considerable sum In cash and
other articles Of value from the
rnrnuemana trousers. left hang
Inr On the wall of the Mushroom.
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on Public viii.

ANUR Government belongs to the people. Our prop
erty belongs to the people It is distributed They
own it. The taxes paid by the people. They
bear the burdens The benefits of accrue
to the peoples class but all classes all the
people The functions the powers the sovereignty the
Government must be kept where they have been placed by
the Constitution and laws of the people,
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on Public Securitu.

k<K TO government endure that not anpv nrc
vide for the public securty its first line defense
is the police Although, for the most part they are
appointed and maintained by the cities and towns they are
public officers they represent the authority of Common
wealth Heretofore they have stood relatively better
position regards compensation than They must
receive something than the prevailing rate of wages
in the industries maintain their position and be com
mensurate the grave responsibility they and
discharge They entitled fair treatment in the
ter of quarters, duty and promotion
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
A Statement from Cabin. Coolidge.

VIE essential political convictions of President
set forth in the following reply to request from
the writer, just prior the convention Of 1920 for
declaration of principles statement which is especially
significant since his succession.
"Such things have led to public mention Of in
connection with the office of President Of the United States
out Of my work governor of the Commonwealth Of
Massachusetts. This record open to all inquirers
My acts in public capacity may be measured by the
principles and policies followed by in my present office
The important of these principles appear
ing extracts from address the Massachusetts,
legislature
The Washington times., 1923-08-04

Hes Ieek says; Soap and
sense, when uaed In the right
proportion. heats any other com
bination you kin name"
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
GODS FINGER TOUCHED
HIM AND HE
SLEPT"
By HERBERT KAUFMAN

THE King is dead Long live the King
i One President at dusk, and another at dawn.
Within round of the clock, Warren Gamael Hard
ing steps from the White House into history and the aec
tonae memory of his people, the highest distinction
this earth dramatically conferred upon Calvin Coolidge
in humble Vermont farmhouse, by his father.
How beautiful is for weary sentinel to put his
off and rest in Heaven
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on Economy.

<<rT is not policy of recession that is proposed bat
policy of conservation. All progress is the resalt Of
economy. In this the Government ought always 70
lead At the of national peril economy has different
meaning than time of security. We have encountered
and overcome peril Government expenses as NOW be
reduced from a to peace basis
The Washington times., 1923-08-04
President Coolidge on HuHsanSzed
Government.

f<TT is e-emnently the province Of government "a t
tect the weak. HeAlthfNl housing wholesome qo8d
sanitary working conditions reasonable h6aa Pair
wage for days work, opportunity fA ara hee ftgtice
speedy and impartial and at cost within he reach 0f NIL
are among the objects oay 10 be soW4ht bat qaAa s
utey certain and Government 4t4 and must moi
be, cold mpersonal machine but AAhAh agency ft df
mercy, assisting the good resisting tAe wrong delivering te
weak from any impoSitieAs If the stEaM&"
f4SSS
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

to be lazy and lacking in the spirit of
enterprise, that is played up strong,
just as cartoonist plays up the
peculiarities of his subject If the
DUPONT family own the state of Della
ware, the DuPonts certainly re-
ceived trouncing of the first mag
nitude in the chapter on Delaware.
If Arkansas (Arkansaw) was set
tied by people who were easy-going,
they were given one good airing
when the author took his pen in
hand to write few lines to let us
know about it. He trimmed the
state up and down and across, in
mild humorous vein, of which this is
a sample: THE territory compris-
ing Arkansas was an eddy between
the. highways by which people
crossed the continent, and those who
settled there were the castaways,
who just happened to fall off the
boats and float off into space, where
there was no direct current and no
need of any. They didn't come from
anywhere in particular, were not 60
ing anywhere and were not disap-
pointed when they happened to lodge
nowhere in particular. So cOntented
were they all that when the legend
for its state seal was conceived they
made it to read, we amt got nuthin',
we never had nuthin' ana we don't
want nuthin'.'"
The author of the chapter on Mis-
sissippi broke all records in treat
ing the race question, and pointed to
a new shore towards which the
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11
ROCKFORD

..s.ff+-s's--s'-s'-F'f--f-'

Arthur Williams of Riverside was
a visitor in these parts Thursday.
Mrs. ANGLE Peterson entertained
her father, Mr.. Smith of Blackfoot
Tuesday.
Mrs. Daniel Murdoch of Thomas
visited these parts Tuesday.
The threshing machine is doing its
best between the showers. This
weather is putting the farmers back
considerably with their fall work.
Willard Wheeler has returned
home, after working at Nampa for
some time.
Mrs. Claus Anderson has been on
the sick list the past week.
Miss Esther Lovolitte is working
for Mrs. Arthur Williams at River
side.
Miss Olger Jensen of this place
and Bryan Parker of Blackfoot were
married at Pocatello, Wednesday.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11
A FINE BOOK
FOR MEN

''These United States" is the title
of book published recently that
should be of special interest to men,
because it deals with the special
features of each Of the states in the
Union. The articles ought to inter-
est any American or anyone wanting
to become an American, but it is
more mans book than a woman's
because it deals with things in bust
ness politics, government and re-
ligion.
The articles on the various states
were written by different persons,
some by women, and each writer
seems to have responded to request
to hold his state up to ridicule and
handle it rough. If state has poor
officials as a rule or If they are given
to grating, the writer fays them
without mercy, and pokes fun at the
people for electing them or tolerat-
ing them. If the people are reputed
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

whites and the blacks are drifting by
the constantly increasing indulgence
of their loves.
The writer of the chapter on Iowa
takes a crack at their religious and
educational institutions and the
fruits of that work, and says they
are people interested chiefly in the
yield of corn and the price Of hogs.
Every state from Main to California
is lambasted to a finish as If it had
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

visited with Mr.. and Mrs. Samuel
Norman Wednesday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Robert Hansen of
Goshen, Utah, are visiting with Mr..
and Mrs. Elmer Hansen.
Freddie Winkler of this vicinity Is
driving the milk wagon for the
cheese factory at Blackfoot.
Mr.. and Mrs. Orson Nelson were
business visitors of Blackfoot Satur-
day.
Mrs. Milo Brown has returned
from Lava Hot Springs.
Miss Geneva Hofhine is spending
a few days with her sister Mrs.
Elmer Hansen.
MI. Boyle of Blackfoot was busi-
xxicrifxax. L..
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

We wish the young couple a pleasant
time and success along the journey of
life.
Mrs. Floyd Peterson, of Thomas,
spent Thursday afternoon with her
sister, Miss Del Cornia.
Miss Ellen Anderson is working
for Mrs. Richard Olsen at Blackfoot.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

been the ambition of the writer's to
take the conceit out of them, and
right well is it accomplished.
The articles were first published in
serial form in The Nation, and are
now found in book form. The Black
foot library has copy or two that
can be borrowed.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1923-10-11

Mr.. Boyle of Blackfoot was a busi-
ness visitor in Firth Friday.
Evening capital. [volume] (Annapolis, Md.) 1922-1981, 1923-01-03
THE LAST CUSTER SURVIVOR

a dispatch from New York
tells OF the death OF Iohn Martin.
the last survivor of the Custer
massacre. Probably he never
claimed to have been member
OF Gen. Clusters little personal
following of goo mcn of whom.
according TO most accounts. not
one was spared BY their savage
opponents in the memorable bat
tie of Little Big Horn. Tn
doubtedly he WAS with Clusters
cavalry force vi COO in eleven
companies which made the GAL
lant fight against such odds on.
June %, 1876. rs the sole livinp
link with that stirring event Iohn
Martin was 4 most interesting
personality.
Re-reading the official reports
of that famous encounter Of our
soldiers. one is impressed with
the dash and daring and utter dis
regard for their personal safety
displayed By our old Indian
lighters. Their courage and even
recklessness were not a bit over
Evening capital. [volume] (Annapolis, Md.) 1922-1981, 1923-01-03

drawn by the writers OF dime
novels who made Custer and
Buffalo Bill and others their he
roes. There have been conflict
.ag accounts OF the Custer mas
sacre, with charges iixing the
blame on this or that officer. Tn
fortunately no actual witness was
left 10 tell the exact story. unless
the testimony OF friendly Indian
scout. who claimed 70 have been
present, Is accepted. al We
know is that a brave man seems
to have undcr-estiinated the
strength OF the enemy or to have
counted TOO much on the fighting
ability of his own little band OF
followers. But he has lett rec
ord OF gallantry that viii not
scon be forgotten.