The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-07-20
BY &c { SEE


in Lambertville and New Hope.
ssss%,
FREDDY THE FROG SAYS
if cleanness is mex to godlines then
theys gonna be lots Nv dirty dunn
| bells that aint gonna git theyr hides
scrubbed til theyr dumped in the devils
boilin cauldron
but in thes days Nv probishun it
amt no wonder that they amt enuf
water to go around fer washin use
A Massachusetts undertaken goes
| by the abrupt name of she ATE"
| Needless to say, we'd hate to trust
our carcass to an undertaken with
such cannibal name.
**s%+%
The Boston minister who was
smacked for a row of sardine cans by
| the husband of woman he had TAX
en- liberties with, must have been re-
minded of the Bible story of Balaam
and the ass.
/ Now comes French scientist who
claims that bald people can grow
hair with the aid of music. Perhaps
it's the kind that makes the hair
stand ON end!
They say that call things come to
him who waits" And now that the
government has offered TO pay lie
each for bed bugs to be used in ex-
periments, perhaps lot of hotels and
boarding houses will realize on their
investments.
The beach censors at Deauville,
France, ordered Philadelphia girl
out of the surf because she had on
long stockings and volumihous
bathing suit that chung to her figure.
They explained that the one-piece or
half suit is the only modest garment.
~*&*#N
Which causes us to slyly surmise
that she must have had an awfully
scrawny figure!
e&*#s%
A New York banker sent one of his
stenographers home to put on more
clothes, and issued orders to the rest
of his girl employees that they had
to cover up their nakedness If they
expected to keep their jobs.
We have feeling of sympathy for
him. It's impossible for man to
keep his mind on his business when
there is so much distraction We
know from experience from the daily
dips Of the bathing girls in the canal
beside our office.
ss&**%
Bathing suits of the feminine gen
der are like pocketbooks--they are
most attractive when well filled.
ssss%s
Frying Polly says with a twist OF
her scrawny neck, Everybody knows
little somethin' and if can worm
it out of 'em I'll know as much as all
Of EN- put together. Say! What do
you reckon is the matter with Jock
Teller and his wife? see him go to
the movies without her the other
night. I'll bet they've had fight.
Do you know what it was about?
The best test of ones ability to
keep his mouth shut is to Withstand
Frying Polly's shopping when she is
on the scent of some scandal. The
man who can evade telling her any
thing for five minutes deserves
Carnegie medal.
Joe Finkle says that if he could get
$4,000 a year like "Pussyfoot'
johnson or 100000 like Wayne B.
Wheeler. he would be prohibitionist,
also.
And we submit that il we could get
half that much, we'd outAPussyfoot
"Pussyfoet" himself!
sssess
We'd be more convinced of the sin
cerity of prohibition advocates If they
didn't demand SO much money for
carrying ON their propaganda And
while we have no proof of. Joe's
statement that the aforementioned
professional refor1ners get so much
money. we are we'll aware of the con-
tinual and perpetual pleas that their
organizations are making for money.
Like the negro who voted for the
party that gave him IS for his vote
instead of the party that gave him
$40, we feel that reformers who get
the most money are de mos eorrup'
oh de two