davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
More Follies
Of 1923

TYASHTNGTON HEIGHTD
" man arrested for trying
~ 70 spank his wife.
Woman tried TO keep husband
ct home by buying him : radio
Get.
Russian theatre company
agrees to do oil it, dancing In
English language.
Brooklyn man tries to work
the Coue method on his second
hand fiivver.
En9lish aviator announces he
will sly around earth in sixty
days. What for?
Government will appoint com
rnfttee to taste all contested
liquor.
Artie Fatbuckis stages . Gene
back and says he viii leave It to
the people.
Mixed bout between Dempsey
and Wrestler Lewis taken ser
ieusiy by fans.
Farmer out in Kansas wants
p marry one Of the Sultan Of
Turkeys wives.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
Applied
Fmger-Prints

n the finger-print method can
be used to determine whether
certain artist painted q certain
picture several centuries ago, 1t
ought to be a good method for
deciding whether q lot Of more
recent things nave really hap
pened or not.
For instance. . girl who wants
70 win a breach of promise suit
ought to be able to convince the
jury by submitting her hand In
evidence, together with the testi-
mony of a finger-print expert to
the effect that the young man in
question had been holding 1t off
and on for years.
II her palm shows finger-prints
dating back four or five seasons,
her case should be clear.
Even IL the jury didn't return .
verdict for damaged feelings,
they should at least give the girl
sometI1ing-for endurance.
IF for no other reason, the man
deserved to lose for tying up
traffic.
Or take the case of a husband
who returns from business
trip, and has reason to suspect
that his wife has been receiving
gentlemen callers during his abb
Sence.
To prove his case, all he need
do Is yank off the doorknob and
have 1t examined by experts.
Within a few minutes they can
tell him whether any strange
fingers have rested upon its
polished surface, or whether the
marks have been made simply
by bill collectors and itinerant
lace statesmen.
BY familiarizing himself with
the finger-prints of his wife's re-
lations q man could determine
whether they have been borrow
ing his razor or trying to force
their way into his private stock.
The occasions when finger
print testimony Is valuable In
connection with the painting Of
an old master are few and far
between. The domestic uses OF
the device are Of daily i'm
Dcrtance.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
SLIGHT DELAYl

T .ANDLORD with . determine
ton all his own: I'm one
word, when are you going to pay
your arrearsf"
Hard-up Author with an un-
shaken coolness): ST will satisfy
your demands as soon as I receive
the money which the publisher
Will pay me If he accepts the
novel I am going to send him as
soon as the work lie finished !,
which I'm about to begin wheA
have found a suitable subject and :
the necessary inspiration.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

YOU'D be surprised at the
l. number of people who would
look upon anyone who offered them
u million dollars as a lunatic.
For instance, now, there's j..
Harold CJefferson') Keen, who.
frankly told an inquisitive re-
porter that nobody who. had
million dollars would speak to
him."
That's the way newspaper work
poisons a youthful mind! Boys
and girls, II. you want to preserve
your childhood trustfulness and,
gullibility, never go in for news
paper work. You may some day
be assistant city editor Of The
Herald and then. like Mr.. Keen,
no kind stranger would ever give.
you a million dollars! Million
aires, as q rule, never offer their
wealth a second time to young
people who think they are-mean-
ing the millionaires-crazy! -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
TRYING IT ON.

THE stout party had been in the :
boot shop over an hour, and
the patient shop assistant had had
half the stock down for her In I
spection.
She found fault with them al
until his patience became quite !
exhausted.
These would suit you" he said.
taking another pair down a. -
last resources. Still the lady was
not satisfied.
"I don't like this Sort" she said.
They have q tendency to get.
wider when they are a bit old"
well, madam" retorted the ex. :
aaperated assistant politely.
didn't your"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
BY Charles M. Baver

What is a petticoat? (Only old
timers with keen memories are
eligible to answer this question.
Others are referred to the mu-
scum
Can the dressing-room Of
musical comedy theatre be called
the home of the fine arts?
How many looks are there in
a pair Of eye glasses?
Who lights the stars at night?
Name the sardine that died Of
suffocation in the subway rush
hour
Does the Subway Sun shine be-
cause the electric lights In the
cars offer, no competition?
Would you cah an 1rate negro
a hot chocolate?
Why 10 1t that when q man
took a shot from the hip in the
old days spectators would scram.
BILE away from him, whereas to
day when he takes a shot from
the hip they scramble toward
him?
Whittier does a fire escape?
Can the golfer who spouts
forth lurid language be said to be
lolling his tongue in the Golf
Stream7
Did the Broadway musical
comedy managers lose any sleep
because Madison Square Garden
was running an opposition poul.
. try show?
Is 1t his calf thatsyelps when a
man barks his shin?
What is your answer to the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

why do druggists speak in
whispers?
Does DR.. Grant stand by his
guns because he's parked behind
a flock Of canons?
Placed end on end, how far
would six looks reach?
10 that rash on the Statue Of
Liberty's back due to the fact
she's had to put up with Sandy
Hook?
How is 1t that Flo Ziegfeld.
who can't pass a stiff test in
arithm etc, 10 good at figures?
II you draped a Dangerous
Curve" sign on a "Follies" girls
leg would motorists pause or
speed on?
Is a toad a drug addict because
it's full of hops?
What 10 woman's suffer age?
DO you think it was a landlord
that cut February to twenty eight
days?
over which country did May
the First rule?
10 1T dangerous to fool with
girls because chickens scratch?
Why 10 the question mark In
the feminine gender?
How would you like to be an
ant-eater's husband and get q
tongue.lashing from her?
Would you call the woman who
slams a stingy husband an egg
beater?
What is the penalty tor = po-
tato masheI1
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
OUR OWN MOVING TEST

test. It'll move you to tears or
the bar.
First prize will be a hem,
stitched sandpaper undershirt
Second prize will be a 1922
season pass to the Polo Grounds.
Third prize will be q free suit
scription to last years edition
OF that popular house organ. the
Paper Towel.
Fourth prize will be a plush
handkerchief.
The next twenty prises wlIl
be-but what do you carer Try
and get them.
Each participant must be care
full to ignore the rules. Thoy
are like New Years resolutions.
Made TO be broken Answer
these questions and take a bath
in ,bromo seltzer:
Is Jack Dempsey afraid to
fight Wills because Dempsey
never takes a smoke?
Is the difficulty in d1gestiEg
punctuation attributable to the
fact that our grammar has al
times only O semi-colon?
What hairraising incident In
it's early life made the comma
curl upf
How does the writer keep this
column so event
Where did the piO-syed Piper
Of Hame!in get It?
Where does your lap 80 when
you stand up2
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
LOST

GIVE had hard day." said the
= tired business man aboard tIleG
evening train for home. Zone OF. :
my office boys asked for an after.
noon off to attend his aunt's fu.
neral. So, being on to his scheme,
as I thought. I said I'd go along
too"
His friend chuckled. Great ,
idea!i Was it a good gamer"
That's where lost" sadly ad-
mitted the man Of business. IT
was his aunt's funeralp'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
His Reason.

It was the dinner hour, and the
prison inspectors were hurrying
ever their Official round. They
asked several questions quickly.
II am here. gentlemen" ex-
planned the picketpocket, when
the warder turned his back. "as
the result of a moment Of alb
straction." And l." observed the
incendiary. because of an unfor-
tunate habit of making light Of
things"
The reason l am here"
ehimed in the forger. "is simply
on account of a natural desire to
make name for myself
And L." added the burglar.
Through nothing but taking ad-
vantage Of an opening In . large
mercantile establishment"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

problem: How to be happy
though n.arried?" Of that's too
stiff we'll cancel the question:
If a married pail are happy
is 1t because two can live clipper
than one?
What would be the Governors
response under the rules Of eti-
Quette II. on a visit to Sing Sing,
a convict bumped into him and
said, Pardon me, T.?
Where does the writer Of this
column get the idea any Of his
stuff Is gigglish?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

THEY sat on the parlor sofa.
- What would you do il / =
turned you DOWN." she asked
shyly.
The man looked straight ahead.
but said nothing. After q few
minutes Of silence she nudged
him with her elbow and said:
Didn't you hear my cues
A.
toni"
He looked around, very 6sIre
prised.
''I beg your pardon" he re-.
piled. 81 thought yon were a.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
don't seem to be spending much
time in the dressing roomI.


GSYNHERE is one thing. Bridget"
the new mistress said, that
insist on. If you break any dishes,
come and tell me at once"
Sure, ma'am," protested Bird
get, earnestly II can't be running,
to We every minute Of the day"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE.

JONES Ito pal just married.
Well. old man. how did you
Get on with the wedding.
Mr.. Newly-wed-Well. it was
like every other wedding-very
much like circus.
Jones-Hows' that?
Mr.. Newly-wed-Well. you see.
II took ring to hold the per
formers.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
WHO woULDN'Tq
ssWHAT's wrongf" asks

sEWHAT'S wrong7" asked
Parker. You look wor-
RED"
''I am" replied his frienf. 81
wrote two notes, one to my brok-
er, asking IL he took me for q.
fool. and the other to Miss Gold
ing. asking her IL she would
marry ma While / was out
somebody telephoned Yes and
don't know which Of them 1t
was"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

INSURANCE AGENT: Pardon
L. me, madam, but what is your
age?"
Miss Antique: II have seen
twenty-three summers.
Insurance, Agent: Yes. Of
course; but how many times have
you seen them?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

THE teacher was trying to i'm
press upon her pupils the
importance of doing right at all
times, and to bring out the an.
swer Bad habits" she inquired.
What is 1t that we find SO
easy to get into and so hard to
get out Of?
There was silence for @ mo-
ments and then one little fellow
answered, Bed"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

ERIEND-"I suppose the baby
is fond OF you?
Papa-"Fond Of me? Why he
sleeps all day when I'm not at
home, and stays up all night just
to enjoy my society"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

OWHY doesn't the policeman
pay his fare? inquired
the old gentleman on the car, OBJ
serving that no money passed be-
tween a constable and the con-
ductor.
We'll. you know. SIR" ex-
planned the conductor. you can't
get five cents out of one copper"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
GIVING HIM AWAY.

T .ANDLORD Ito boy in doorwayl:'
rs your father in, Tommy?"
Tommy: "Er no."
Landlord: What time will he
be in?"
Tommy shouting through door
way): what shall I say, now,
dad?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

MAX Under, the rough house
movie comedian, is reported
injured in q Swiss avalanche. A
lens-breaker who couldn't come
out of . little affair like that un.
scathed wouldn't last one morn
Ing on location with Charlie Char
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

o. A bets B that this sentence
In right: We'll. what have you got
on tonight" and B bets A that
this one Is right: "How's tricks?"
Will you kindly furnish answers?
WARD JAY.
A. Certainly: ~ "Oh, nothing
much" (2) "Oh. pretty good"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
THE OPTIMISTIC BLUES.

MONEY in my pocket
AVA Sun in the sky,
I'm sore cause I amt got
A reason to cry.
Dinner before me,
Plenty of sleep,
Don't have to work. Gee
wish l could weep.
My likker is frequent
Because l amt poor;
L may have heard about Volsreao
But l amt quite sure.
cTo be continued.l
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

mo taxes TO pay. no rent, no
coal bills. no worry over the rise
In milk prices: Permit me to con
congratulate you -
IT have no job. and"
Lucky chap No danger Of
being sacked
But ] am serious. / have no
money. and -"
mo temptations 10 spend it
foolishly on able-bodied beggars.
Why, you're veritable child of
fortune. Good day.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
Peppy-Crarns

A man doesn't worry half aS
much about baggy trousers as a
girl does about sitting wrinkles
in the back Of her skirt.
The best way for a woman to
succeed in business Is by keep
ing a mans mind on something
else.
Being in love IL like sleeping
In a Pullman. No one can do 1t
comfortably and some people
cant do 1t at all.
Many man loses q good
friend by marrying her.
All the worlds a stage, said
shakespeare: but thu ladies
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

MINISTER'S DAUGHTER arch
Ava ly): Now, Cousin George,
YOU must come to church this
evening. Father 10 preaching
from the text, Love ye one an
other"
Cousin George: Really Mabel.
But can't we sta 4 honse and
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

r. Dempsey and Willard ger To-
gether this summer ana less
lasts more than one round. Jack
will be accused of stalunr for
the picture royalties.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

"ONNY grows more like mis-
father every day." said the
proud mother.
Dear met said the c,n,a. Have
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
TOO LUCKY!

WSIR, l have no home.h began
the seedy.looking. man. and
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

BY CHARLES M. 6AYER.
VERY Sunday in every way
X, we're going to print
@ columns worth OF para
graphs in our own prize moving
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
FAIR WITH FROST
Friday VIII Be Warmer After Small
High" Passes Over Texas.

Fair weather with colder tempera-
lures Thursday night and frost FRI
day morning and warmer Friday is the
forecast of j. II. Jarboe, meteorlogist.
Minimum temperatures Friday morn
ing will be from IS to A. Moderate to
fresh northerly winds will blow.
A small high" was located north OF
Texas Thursday morning which was
dominating the weather map. 1t
brought the promised cold wave TO the
Panhandle Wednesday night and was
first felt in San Antonio earl: Thurs
day morning. The high" sent the
thermometer at Santa Fe down TO :
degrees. Amarillo had % Thursday
morning.
A "low" is working up along the
east coast of Mexico which is sched-
uled to bring rain to the Texas coast
Thursday. 1t will not reach this far
inland.
A well developed low pressure area
is entering the United States over the
Montana border Thursday morning
and this will bring warmer tempera-
lures to San Antonio Friday.
Temperatures scattered over the
United States Thursday morning
showed typical spring conditions with
varying temperatures. They were :
Chicago. n; San Antonio, GO: San
Francisco. As: New York, 4S, raining /;
st. Louis, 40.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
Plead Guilty and Are Fined in Uvade Liquor Conspiracy Case
MOTHER, DAUGHTER
FOUND DEAD WITH
THROATS- SLASHED
Once Prominent Family
Reduced to Poverty
by Narcotics.

Chicago, March 22.-As police in
vestigated what was termed STAY
ing and suicide in the deaths of Mrs
W. c. Woolson, 40, and her daughter,
Mrs. Edna Robinson, 40, they dis
closed the history of the family, once
prominent in the East, but finally re-
duced to Poverty By the use of mar
cotics. The police enumerated four
suidcides in the family in the last
% years, each rom a razor-slashed
throat.
Twenty-Five years ago. DR.. William
Charles Woolson, Mrs. Woolson's us
band, was prominent physician OF
Buffalo, \. Y.
He was was found dead in his of.
flee, his throat cut, a razor lying be-
side the body.
The mother and three children dis
appeared from Buffalo and came to
Chicago. Years passed, the children
grew up and married. Edna married
J. A. Robinson. prosperous mer.
chant. Some months ago, police said
he was taken TO the state hospital al
Kankakee, ILL.,, TO be treated for the
narcotic habit.
Howard, one of Mrs. Woolson's
sons, committed suicide some time ago
cutting his throat with n razor. His
family told police he feared prosecu'
ton for running down child with an
automobile.
Last night Mrs. Woolson and heI
daughter, Mrs. Robinson, who had sub
sisted partly on the charitable offer
ings Of neighbors, were found dead In
bed at their home, both their Threats
cut and razor lying nearby.
Three notes, found in the home indi,
Gated suicide pact. One asserted
1--WE are going of our own free will,
and continued They would not give
me a chance to cure myself as | had
been doing" 1t was signed Edna,
the daughter.
Another note urged that a neighboi
take care Of Mrs. Robinson's 6-months-
old child, now in charitable home
Another child, 4-year-old boy, was
nut in q home some time ago. Police
believe Mrs. Robinson killed her
mother and then committed suicide.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
NOTE TELLING OF PLAN
TO BREAK JAIL FALLS
into OFFICERS HANDS
!. r. Holland, Under Sentence for
Highway Robbery, Said to Have
Made Arrangements to Escape.
Note Is Lost in Federal Building and
Delivered to Sheriff Delivery
Considered Unlikely.

What officers say plot for a wholesale delivery
of prisoners from the BeXar county JAIL has been rus
trated according to information given out by Chief Deputy
Sheriff Aphonse Newton Thursday morning.
Discovery of the alleged plot came when note writ
ten by c. R. Holland convicted of robbery with firearms
and confined in the county Jail awaiting transfer to
the state penentary, intercepted The sherffs of
flee is conducting investigation which may lead to the
arrest of outside the jail who believed to have
knowledge of the proposed Jail delivery.
According to information in the hands of Chief Depu
ty Newton the note written several days and its
delivery to the adressee entrusted to federal prs
who recently released from the Jail after he had
made bond This man. the chief deputy said has forfeited
$4,000 bond and is still at large with the possibility that
he has left the country.
The person to whom the letter addressed never
received and knew nothing of the plot the letter ap
parenty lost in the office of Deputy Collector of Gus
toms Ed Coula who turned it to the herifs office
Chief Deputy Newton received Thursday morning and
Immediately started investigation meantime warning
Jaer John Wiarek of the discovery of the plot and in
sructng him to take the necessary precautions in the
delivery should be attempted.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
SEGUIN CROSSING
ACCIDENT MAY BE
FATAL TO FARMER
Alex Mittendorf of New
Braunfels Is Pinned Be-
meath Demolished Car.

Alex Mittendorf, farmer. Of New
Braunfels was seriously and perhaps
fatally hurt, when an eastbound South
ern Pacific passenger train struck his
car on a railroad crossing one mile
west of Seguin at II 30 Thursday
noon.
The car was hurled into the ditch
and completely demolished and Mr..
Mittendorf was pinned beneath the
wreckage.
The train was stopped and train
men picked Mr.. Mlittendorf up and
took him to a Seguin hospital. Doe
tors had not reported on his condition
but it is thought that he may be in
ternally hurt.
Mr.. Mittendorf was approaching Sc
suin and had just driven on the track.
The pilot of the engine caught the
car'and threw it into the ditch.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
TRIAL Of SHERIFF AND
| EIGHT OTHERS STARTS
IN j s. COURT FRIDAY
Fred Mckenzie and Sam Blaylock
d Plead Guilty and Are Fined $4,000
and $500 Respectively
Conspiracy to Import and Possess
Great Quantities of Intoxicating
Liquors. S

Pleas of guilty in the Uvade liquor conspiracy case to
come up trial Friday in the federal court at Del Rio
made by Fred Mckenzie and Sam Blayock and fines
bf $4,000 and $780, respectively paid by the defend
hnts according Assistant United States District Attorney
Fleet White who returned to San Antonio from Del Rio
Thursday.
Trial of the other eight defendants in the Uvade con-
Epracy case has been set for Friday.
An indictment returned by special session of the fed
bral grand jury at Del Rio alleges that Sheriff G. H. john
Bon Deputy Sheriff Kay Reagor Frank Clamp John Coop
er John Mason A. T. Brown Jim Davis and Ed Dean to-
ether with the two defendants who entered pleas of guilty
the Indictment entered into conspiracy to import and
possess great quantities of intoxicating liquors in violation
national prohibition laws. The indictment alleged
that the conspiracy extended the counties of Uvade
Val Verde Kinney and Maverick and that the alleged
|pracy existed from October, 1920, to April 1922.
Considerable feeling is aroused the accord
Ing to the United States district attorneys office 1t
Indicated that sensational testimony will develop at the
Trial. The government will have from 10 to Is witnesses
the case the United states attorneys office indicated
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
RAMPAGING PIUTES
HEADED FOR HlLLY
COUNTRY OF UTAH
u. S. Marshal Gets lnstruc.
tons to Take Charge
of Posses.

Salt Lake City, Utah, March 81
United States Marshal ]. Rey Ward
of Utah, accompanied by several dep
uties. left here late yesterday for the
scene Of the Piute Indian outbreak
near Blanding. Southeastern Utah.
He is said to be under instructions
from Washington and announced he
will take command Of the posse of 30
armed men who are pursuing the rem.
egade redskins who are led by Old
Posey.
1t VS. reported to Marshal Ward
before his departure that the man
posse of whites has. surrounded the
Indian band in the vicinity OF Comb
Washington, wild billy country
broken by ravines and covered with
underbrush.
Posses have been sent out from
Blanding and neighboring towns to
guard the passes of the San Juan
river country to prevent the escape
of the Indians into the Businesses OF
the upper Colorado area, where cap
ture would be difficult.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-03-22
200 RESPOND TO
APPEAL AND SAVE
LIMBS OF YOUTH
Eight Undergo Skin Graft.
ing to Save Burned
Boys Legs.

New York. March 22.-Johnny O.
Boyle, years old. from between the
white sheets of hospital bed smiled
at the world today because hum-n
kindness obviated the necessity of IL
operation that would have deprived
him of both lower limbs.
Johnny. two days ago, hac mertal
pictures of crutches and wooden legs.
that would keep him from playing like
her boys. A hospital doctor had
said that his legs, burned by the ex-
plosion of kerosene lamp, would have
to be amputated unless sympathetic
persons offered their skin for grating.
An appeal went out. Two hund |
men and women responded. Eight
men, five of them former service men.
were selected and the grating pro-
cess performed yesterday.
Today Johnny has forgotten the
wooden legs.