The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
The Family
Album
BY "BUGS" BAER.

- ers, Pop has got the hic-
cups and he won't go downstairs
because he is afraid the revenue
officers will arrest him for pos
sessing an illegal voice.
You can see that this picture
shows pop to be a very dis
tinguished man in spots.
Pops picture is torn in half
because Aunt Bella ripped it up
to make room for nephew George
and pop got so mad he borrowed
30 many of Georges cigarettes
George got cured OF the habit
Pop was very finicky about
table manners, too. You could
use your own mistakes about
breakfast or dinner But pop
made everybody dress carefully
for supper and never sat down
without putting a napkin over
his overalls.
That made nom mad. She said,
why don't you learn something?
You're so lazy that flies think
you're statue
Pop said, Lazy? How about
your big brother Lindsay? He
broke his busiest arm and didn't
find 1t out until seven years
later. And then he only discover
&c Il when he was reaching for
some free lunch"
Nom said, you're six lessons
below ignorance
Nephew George stuck in his
spoon then. not knowing that
knives we're safer. George was
very brave and wore those cou-
rageous yellow shoes with bulldog
toes.
Pop gave him backhander and
George discovered that nephews
had very little representation in
real affairs of life in America
Aunt Bella wouldn't stand for her
son being ostracised when insults
were being dished out and she
nose with a turkey leg. Aunt
Bella was pretty lady and her
teeth were like pearls, most of
them reaching down around her
neck to make the Illusion perfect.
Pop was too much OF coward
" gentleman to strike a lady and
he retreated out of the food zone.
he invited George outside to
partalke of the most nutritious
lawn that George ever tasted. but
George decided that his marcel
wave was too good to handle for
man like pop who studied trunk
Juggling in our best terminals.
It-looked like a good night of
amateur boxing, but pop ran out
of large words and anything less
than three syllables sounded po-
lite. Pop threatened to pull
George out of his clothes like a
banana out of its skin and then
he went into the parlor to mark
up another victory in the family
album.
Two men couldn't fight in our
house without all the women de-
nauding suffrage, too. George
hadza lot of respect for pop after
that and never again insulted him
out of turn.
That night pop went to the Egg
beaters' dance and they made him
Grand Officer of Details in case
any fight started. Some sailor
commenced to fight as usual and
was ambushed by the hidden or
chestra behind plenty Of palms.
His skull started taking musical
lessons from a heavy banjo and
there was an octave Of Jumps on
his head that ran the accident
scale from bad to worse.
They started hollering for the
Sergeant-at-arms and pop switched
his badge to Financial Secretary.
He always carried two or three
badges, so no matter what hap
pened his badge would fit some
other occasion.
That left him neutral for the
duration of the excitement and
when it came time to pay off the
orchestra, pop changed his badge
to Wardrobe Committee and left
very early with an overcoat that
had grown a fur collar in the
checkroom.
The Cream Of Sour Milk Society
was present at that dance and
pops action resulted In some
anonymous broken windows in
our parlor, but pop kept changing
his badges and escaped all indict-
nents.
Pop resigned on back dues from
the Eggbeaters and devoted most
of his home after that to educat-
inf George up to another fight.
But George refused to challenge
anything that wasn't on a dish. In
later years they got to be pretty
good distant friends.
Aunt Bella's husband came back
to our house to live with us and
Aunt Bella forgave him for run
ming away on their honeymoon in
Tompkinsville. Right away he
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