New Britain herald., 1923-08-07
HUNTING BIG GAME
 WITHOUT WEAPONS
Flank Long, Tells How to Do It
 in Case You Want to Know
CONTRIBUTED

| It was only arLer Delng Cnlorc
 ed that I was induced by my pres lagent to tell the following story as tt
 how to bag big game.
 In these disclosures, I am aware shall excite jealousies as well as the
 spleen of hunters of big game. Thi' is to be expected. But I feel that i
 is duty I owe the public, as we'll al
 myself.
 Nor will this story be of any advan- tage whatever-rather the reverse to those who sell firearms, shells and
 powder, for I use none of these cruel things in my hunting. No l scorn powder and-shall say--shell? use nothing but what nature started me out with, viz. my hands-naked hands. In other words, I strangle all my big game.
 When I remonstrated with my agent about telling this story, was con- scious of my depleted pocketbook and as my vacation time was drawing near allowed him in a moment of weak ness to bind me and administer a large glass of what he called whiskey. now find after regaining conscious ness and viewing this story, that 1t must have been something else he gave me. I have discharged my agent.
 Not Gifted Liar
 At first sight, there may be those of my readers-including the editor- who will think I'm a gifted liar. am not gifted liar. On the con- trary nothing has ever been given me I've always worked hard for what I have. In other words, it has taken me long time to work out system of lies, so that in after years they would not, nor could they rise up and trip one another or the author up. When I speak of lies, of course I mean real good, healthy lies. mean lies that are so strong that they are able to stand on their own feet. Lies l that will not whine or bite or kick while somebody is washing their face, and combing their hair.
 But to return to the subject, Big Game Hunting With the Naked of, Nude Hands"
 About the first thing could re- member, using my hands. I ate out of, or with my hands long before I began the useless use of knife, fork or spoon. My success as bare hand hunter I have often thought is due to this early training. I remember when quite young-6 mos.--of strang- ing, or trying to strangle my big toe. When g mos, of age I strangled a kitten. At a year old I put full grown cat out of business. At twenty five married and within year had strangled my wife. I am now nearly strangled myself, because of the Amendment. ......'
 Courage? Pshaw.
 At first one would think that it takes great deal of courage to stand | up for the first time, before a full | grown lion or tiger with unmanicured l finger nails three or four inches long. It does But it must be recollected | hat no man who has particle of sense will do this. It would be the height of folly. No. one must first orocure a docile lion. tiger or bob ,at. Perhaps a friend has one. you could borrow. If so. take it home, and practice with that. Or, an elephant. of course if you live in the city, and occupy a flat, this is hardly feasible better hire a. barn in the country, or he Hippodrome when it's not in use.
 I know of no more exhileratine enjoyment, than to covet some royal 8engal's cuticle for ones den, and hen with nothing but snack or and cheese and ones two are hands,to go into the cool verdi iris like jungle in quest of ones uery. Harken to the entrancing natter of the monkey! List to the harming hiss of the boa! Give ear the roar of lion, trumpeting of lephant and wild unearthly yell or yena' How delightfully."- cool it is ecause of the chill creeping up ones pine. II An, here comes gorilla-no, two II them-man and wife. What beauti- ll yellow teeth they have, remind ne so much of the big meerschaum H lpe one has left at home in ones urry to be away to the jungle How e miss it now, for there is quite
 
 When approaching gorilla, never .op to say Good morning MT. G." or MT. o Rang o Tang!" but swiftly II et to its back, crawl up it by means III the hair and after arriving in the II cinlty of the neck, slowly bring the III lumbs Of the two hands just back H the gorilla's ears while with the VII her eight fingers-unless you're a H achinfst or buzz saw man and HI ave lost one or two-slowly bring le tips of the fingers together and All us strangle your gorilla. If he falls Ter on you, be sure to first look at III 'ur watch to see what time it is be- III ire crawling out.
 In Demand At Suppers See how nice it is when one ., III fires the mack of strangling bie me How much one is in demand IN
 church suppers and lawn parties Id pink teas why,-at least I find sol would much rather tell of ? exploits as a big game strangler an to be for everlastingly talking out my appendix Of course, it's ore impersonal to talk about strsng- E elephants and tigers and tying ttlers in to running bowlines and oby knots than it is to speak on es appendix. I find it so, for to Il you the truth I'm the only one doctor tells me in his whole prac- e he's found without an appendix. ow he knows do not know. I ow he found my pocketbook.