davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

O'"0 AAOttOSht VI SoNOuty 4 dsB
washed dishes 81 hours to get her
name in u paper. and succeeded.
-
There is a big crop of fried
chicken this spring.
Detroit heiress eloped with the
gardener, and her dad is at home
now just raising cain.
A Philadelphia preacher started
out claiming there was. no hell, so
the people gave him some.
No matter how cheap divorce gets,
it never will be a bargain.
Out of sight is not out OF mind.
Sugar is out of sight.
Ships are crossing the ocean in
five days nov enabling New Workers
to drink s~ix-day-old stuff.
---
Sad thing about Ford being our
richest man is WI can't blame him
for the high price of anything.
France 10 turning down notes SO
AooI Shio . dDOuL ELK I0IuSdlB 9ne1u
OF German demands.
Who remembers the good old days
when men robbed banks without
getting cashier Jobs first?
Thirteen stills found in a Nanse-
mond County (Va.) cave prove that
still waters run deep.
-
Scratching your head may not be
a Sign of good breeding, but it may
be a result of good breeding.
Since the first four years form a
child's character. there will be no
wild man shortage.
Average farm in Denmark has
only S5 acres, 80 farming may be
what Is rotten in Denmark.
Trainers say elephants smell with
their mouths, not their trunks.
Others say they smell all over.
The average girl in Sicily marries
at fifteen, while American girls hunt
a man six years longer.
Wasn't it spring when Rip Van
Wrinkle went to sleep and slept
twenty years? 1t must have been,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

NATIONAL CASH REGISTER co.
"KREBS" and POWELL" authorized
Igents for Middlesex County; new and Sec
md hand Cash Registers on monthly paw
Broad st. Elizabeth N J Tel. 5s43
nents Repairs, Supplies 2s9 North
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12
Bible Thought For Today

- SAYING GOODBYE-Finaly brethren, farewell. Be
perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and
the God of love and peace shall be with you.-2 Cor. 1911.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

The presidential bees are busy
making honey.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

Marathon dancing may wreck this
country in time, but we like it much
better than marathon singing.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

This is the seaso of couples in
dark porch swings. They say little,
but hold their audience.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

Some senators could be arrested
for contempt of World Court.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

Let's hope every knock against
sugar prices is not a boost.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

1t was very thoughtIess of nature
to give us spring onions right at the
reason of love making.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

Susie Hetlook, of Covode, Pa,
washed dishes 81 hours to get her
name in our paper, and succeeded.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

There is a big crop of fried
chicken this spring.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-05-12

The average girl in Sicily marries
at fifteen, while American girls hunt
a man six years longer.
Evening star., 1923-07-08
Noiseless "Fog-HOrn."

THIS tis the name given to a sig
mailing device to prevent collisions
at sea. Part of it consists of a siren
that by means of igh-pressure steam
will produce powerful air waves with
the low frequency of fourteen or
fifteen vibrations a second 1t is con-
tended that these waves, although too
low for the human ear to hear have
a great penetrating power. When
they are interrupted by some object,
such as ship, a cliff or an iceberg
they are, it is said, reflected or echoed
back to a special receiving apparatus
on the deck of the vessel
Since this receiver is fitted with an
ingenious apparatus for registering
the strength of the reflected vibra-
tions. it may be possible to learn the
distance and even the nature of the
object that has intercepted the sound
waves The siren is designed to be
mounted on deck so that at night or
in fog, when the presence of ice
bergs or of other ships is suspected,
it can be turned in various directions
to explore the sea ahead of the ship
The apparatus is said to be still In
an experimental stage.
Evening star., 1923-07-08
Origin of Lake Life.

INTERESTING studies have been
made by Monti on the earlies,
forms of life appearing in the Alpine
lakes. One of these. the lake of the
Seracs, has been created within human
memory. and it seems to justify the
statement that the first living forms in
habiting lakes are of vegetable nature.
Only five living species are found in the
lake of the Seracs. all of them plants
and four of the order of diatoms. In
the older lakes of Ong and of Tignaga
animal FORMS begin to appear, feed
ing upon the diatoms. The first two
steps in the populating of lake, ac-
cording to Months conclusions, are,
first, the appearance of diatoms abb
sorbing car ~'c acid dissolved in the
water, al appearance OF
simple al inisms, such as
rhizopods, ...~.~ nourishment de-
pends upon the pre-vXisting vegetable
forms. Biologists have supposed that
the first living forms in the oceans
were vegetable.
Evening star., 1923-07-08

dem two combs, big comb an little
comb-one starter an one ketcher.
Cunnel, it pears like de fust minute
a black gal grows big enough to take
notice she begins workin' wild her
wool. Soon as nanny weans 'em
an dey shuts up squallin' for milk
dey commences hollerin' for a comb.
Ev'y do'step on Sherwood plantation
is got a gal ontanglin' dem kinks.
wild her mouf screwed up an eyes a
bulgin'. Amt you seen 'em stretchin'
one stran' at a time. big as a lead
pencil, an wroppin' it wild strings
same as little boys wrops a base ball
bat? Dat holds it straight till de
strings bust, den de wool tangles UP
agin; cause nigger kinks is powerful
sot in deir ways.
"Tndurin of her co'tin' time Rena
performed like all de balance of EN-
ontil dis hair-doctor CONAN, named
Madam. hit Vicksburg. an spread her
glad tidings of great joy, For Colored
Only'-dat's how she stuck up her
sign. Desc gals jes stampeded to give
Madam deir wages. An Madam
sholy made Rena look sight, by
whitewashin' Renas face wild some
pink ashes.
An de joke was dat Rena never
'spicioned Alec of sneakin' to Joe
Swint's barber sop an takin' dis
Loadstone Treatment"
Evening star., 1923-07-08
The Column of Social Chit Chat la Leac0ck
HI Idea Should

HERE is another example. How in
teresting it would be to get a
detailed account of that little affair
at the Robinsons'. of which the
neighbors only heard indirectly,
Thus:
Yesterday the family of Mr.. Alonzo
Pnhinson spent a very lively evening
= their home on -th avenue. The
occasion was, the seventeenth birth
day of Master Alonzo Robinson,
junior. 1t was the original inten-
ton of Master Alonzo Robinson to
celebrate the day at home and invite
a few of les garcons. Mr.. Robinson,
senior. however. having declared that
he would be damne first, Master
Alonzo spent the evening in visiting
the salons of the town, which he
painted rouge.
Mr.. Robinson. senior, spent the eve
ming at home in quiet expectation of
his sons return. He was very be-
coming dressed in a pantalon qua
tire vingt treize. and had his whippe
de dogge laid across his knee
Madame Robinson and the Made
moiselles Robinson wore black. The
guest of the evening arrived at a late
hour. He wore his habits de spree,
and had about six pouces of eau de
vie in him. He was evidently full
up to his cou. For some time after
his arrival a very lively time was
spent. Mr.. Robinson having at length
broken the whippe de dogge, the fam
lily parted for the night with express
cir n cordial frond will
Copyright, 1921
Evening star., 1923-07-08

Towards the end of the first course.
speeches became the order of the day
Mrs. McFiggin was the first speaker.
In commencing, she expressed her
surpIise that 50 few Of the gentlemen
seemed to care for the hunko de
beefe, her own mind, she said, had
hesitated between hunko de beefe
boile and a pair of roast chickens
(sensation). She had finally decided
in favor of the hunko de beefe tno
sensation).
She referred at some length to the
late Mr. McFiggin, who had always
shown a marked preference for hunko
de beefe. Several other speaker fol-
lowed. All spoke forcibly and to the
point. The last to speak was the
Rev. Mr.. Wilmer The reverend
gentleman. in rising, said that he con-
fided himself and his fellow boarders
to the special interference of Provi-
dence. For what they had eaten. he
said, he hoped that Providence would
make them truly thankful. At the
close of the repas several of the
boarders expressed their intention of
going down the street to a restou-
rong to get quelque chose a manger.
Evening star., 1923-07-08
Old Reliable Moralizes on Such Things
AS Kinks and Curl Papers
'Loadstone?" Col. Spottiswoode in
quired; that's a, new one on me-"

'Loadstone?" Col Spottiswoode in
quired that's a, new one on me"
n II +
nNrEW thing on ev'ybody. Cunnel
befo' Joe swint fotch It to
vicksburg. Howsomever. on Sadd,
nights 1 got front seat in his shop
to watch Alec take his'n. Here come
Alec, marchin' in wild his jaw sot.
same as bracin' hisself to git his back
teef snatched out Ready, AlecT say
Swint, whilst ALL gripped de bar
ber's chair wild bofe hands, kinder
blinked one eye. an drawed a deep
breath. So Swint picks up de jar
which holds his magic hair straight
ener an gins to operate on Alec
Fust he curries Alec's head TO scratch
it raw; den he rubs in de hot stuff
whilst Alec holds on tight, an his
eyes pop out like crawfish. An Alec
can't holler on account o. de shop
bein' tammed wild niggers, which
would laugh. So Alec grins whilst
de sweat rolls off his face an splat-
ters on de floor
mo matter how Alec squirms an
head an rubin in de fire After
Swint shampoos Alec wild cold water
he squirts on a mess o pink juice,
which makes Alec smell powerful
stout. Dat juice gifts dem kinks
ready to be plastered fiat on Alecs
head, an parted in de middle. Gin
me a dollar says Swint, whilst Alec
climbs outer de chair, wild a swarm Of
customers 'zaminin' his head to see
eff his kinks is gone. Huh. Dem
treatments made Alecs kinks come
straight; an dat greasy pink stuff
held EN- plastered fiat, jest bout long
enough for Alec to hustle home an
show of befo' Rena.
"Cunnel. it nacherly was sin de
way Joe Swint mopped UP. Dollars
was rollin' in so rapid dat Joe skaceiy
took time to sweep 'em in a corner
wild his broom. By Chuseday night he
bought one o. desc 'stallment auty-
mobiles, an would ha' paid for it. too
ef twarn't for that miscue he made
on Elder Watts"
How was that?' asked the colonel
"WELL. cunnel' I seen it; but no
body didn't know 'Zactly how
twas, cause dat crowd in de barber
shop got to argufyin' SO swift when
de elders wool pulled off his head.
an de hide come wild 1t. He looked
like d hound dog wi de mango, an
hollered dat his head was scorchin' to
a frazzle from dat cornsecrated hell
fire which Joe poured on it. But Joe
'sputed back an claimed dat Elder
Watts head was 50 tender an he had
no business tryin' to raise straight
hair like white folks. OATS when
Elder Watts got SO peevish dat he
grabbed chair an made Joe's head
look wuss'n his'n. An, Cunnel, whilst
he was smashin' Joe's bottles off de
shelf. dem Remarks de elder made
never sounded like nary minister o
de gospel"
(ConyriPht 1923
Evening star., 1923-07-08
big Thing Is Knowing When to Quit, Says Lardner
Ell Method He HasE

"O THE Editor: One of the
toughest problems faced by
the people that indulges in 50
u called games of chance like
craps, poker. bridge whist, chemin de
fer and kindred ilks is the problem
of how to quit when winner and still
give the losers the impression that
YOU wished you did not half to quit.
Personly l amt hardly ever been
bothered by this problem but have
seen it faced numberable times by
parties that is blest with horse shoes
which the undersigned certainly is
not owing to a all wise providence
system of giving one person luck, an
other beauty, another brains and etc.
And the methods employed by the
lucky ones to try and create the above
named impression is so crude that
they would seem funny if they did not
occur at time when they didn't seem
funny.
IKE for inst | was amongst the
IL heavy sugar men in so called
friendly stud game or weeks ago
way behind and l was setting almost
opp him and / never seen nobody so
wide awake and finely he win pots
in succession and was more winner
than he had been loser and all of
sudden he was ceased with a attack
of sleeping sickness though it could
not of been more than 4'o'clock and
when he yawned you could of throwed
basket ball down Ills throat and
they had to dash ice water in his
face when it was his turn to deal.
So he had to cash in and go to bed
and the only wonder was that he
could make such a accurate count of
his checks while practally uncon-
scious. About a 12 hour later an
other member of the winning team
begin to groan with indigestion and
when we asst him did he want to quit
he would say no but he said it in tones
Evening star., 1923-07-08
How so, Zack -

How so, Zack?''
ITS IS way, Cunnel When Miss
Dora fust sot foot in yo' house / cotch
Rena starin' at her in a maze. jos
mirin' an 'mirin dat bunch o
straight hair. I knowed what Rena
was studyin. cause her own kinks is
go tangled up she can't do nothin'
wild 'em. OATS why Rena 'peared so
'sprised when she seen how Miss Dora
done kinked up her long, straight
hair.
'Lordee, CunneI, does you member
when Rena was co'tin Alec. an you
couldn't hardly injuce Alec to drive
yo' car, cause Rena had him? Mach
erly whilst a ooman's co'tin she'll
squirm an twis', an set ev'y kind o.
trap to ketch dat man. Tt sholy
tickled me to see Rena, watchin' Alec
ontil he drove out de gate; den she'd
grab a comb an wrastle wild dem
kinks. pullin' an tuggin', nigh jerkin'
'em out by de roots: but Rena
wouldn't 'fess up dat it hurt. No.
STREE! Eff a gal breaks her neck in
six places for a man. she considers
dat a pleasure-ontil she gifts him.
X <
"pLACK gals is got tighter kinks
dan yaller ones. wuss'n d briar
patch which a rabbit can't squeeze
through. Huh Zack chuckled "Rab-
bits amt what dey's roustin' out wild
Evening star., 1923-07-08

are ready to quit and then you go
back to the table and tell the rest of
the boys that you got to get home
right away as the baby has swallowed
some sheet music.
THE trouble with this system is that
a good many wifes won't stay
home and If they do stay home they
seem to have a kind of a prejudice
VI. getting up to telephone between
3 and in the A. NJ
So much for the crude methods in
tell you about a friend of mine that
has originated some methods of his
own and so far they amt been no.
body suspected him. This is man
named Elva Waffle and during day
times he is tree ticker by trade but
makes his heavy dough nights at the
gaming board.
Well EIva lives in a suburb which is
right near 8 other suburbs and each
of the suburbs has got a lease one
fire. house so they amt hardly IL
hr passes day or night when you
can't hear fire whistle blowing.
So Elva bought himself a badge
that says on it the Ever Ready fire
dept and he always wears this badge
where you can't help from seeing it..
Well we will say one of the fire
whistles blows and If Elva is a big
winner he shoves his checks at the
banker, says he has got to go to the
fire and dashes out of the house willy
nilly.
If he is a looser when the siren
sounds and one of the other guests
asks him why don't he go to the
fire, he says you poor sap don't YOU
Evening star., 1923-07-08

made bigger mistake in their vie.
The meal closed with general express
sions of good feeling. A little bird
has whispered to US that there will
be- no more parties at the De Smythes'
pour long temps.
Here is another little paragraph
that would be of general interest in
society.
YESTERDAY evening at half after
six a pleasant little diner was
given by Madame McFiggin of Rock
street, to her boarders. The sale a
manger was very prettily decorated
with texts, and the furniture up
holstered with chew eux de horse,
Louis Quinze. The boarders were all
very quietly dressed: Mrs. McFiggin
was daintily attired in some old cling
ing stuff with a corsage de Whale
bone underneath. The ample board
groaned under the bill of fare. The
boarders groaned also. Their groan-
ing was very noticeable. The piece de
resistance was hunko de beefe
boile, flanked with some old clinging
stuff. The entrees were pate de
pumpkin. followed by fromage Nc
Figgin, served under glass.
Evening star., 1923-07-08

in and in trouble when she are out.
America gets her Loot and holds it
whenever she observe nations coming
this way alphabetically, beginning
with Asia and Arabia and ending with
Zanzibar and Zululand."
Il shall get a Loot of my own"
manipulate. 1T will be useful when
next you ask bora my safety razor"
Il are talking about International
Events" dib Nogi. The world are
going around very crooked of lately.
Look out or somebody will get ,rhirled
off. America could help. but will
she?"
She make Peace. do she not?'' !
ask conundrumly.
Yes. But she have made too many
kinds. Which flavor do YOU prefer?
Wilson Peace, steering Ship of State
with IA points to the compass, or
Harding Peace with only l point. and
that pussibly wrong? Shall you have
the Peace which Hon. Ford hunt in
a hired boat or the kind which Hon.
Borah love so much that he won't let
anybody have it,"
There is also the peace which Hon.
VIM. Jenny Bryan have been resting
, in for years" | daily forth.
Hon Bryan does not know that he
died" collapse Nogi. And why should
he? He have lectured on Peace so
long that he have become too quar-
relsome to stay buried
we are in most curio position"
| revoke. politicians must find some
way to keep out of war without Of
Tending either Republican or Demo-
cratick parties. But how. oh how?
Did we not try the AZ Power Treaty
to make nations disarm themselves? ?
Yet that were failure
Quite reversely." dib Nogi. 1t
were great success. Since that treaty
England have been disarming so fast
that she now controlI the entire ocean
up TO the mile limit. That are
Peace, are not?r
Peace that passeth understanding" :"
| narrate.
Evening star., 1923-07-08
Removal of a Town.

1T is not an uncommon event for
families who have lived in a house
until it is neither clean nor habit
, able to overcome the difficulty by
moving into another dwelling, but il
is much less common to see a whole
community adopting the same plan.
This, however, is the method by which
the Japanese are attempting to solve
the problem of providing sanitary ac-
commodation for the inhabitants of
dirty and unhealthy town.
Teukcham, an important center of
trade in Formosa. was found too dirty
TO be made even moderately healthful
1t was decided that it would be cheap
er and easier to remove the inhabi
tants to another site.
Accordingly one March the 10000
inhabitants of Teukcham were or
dered to prepare for removal from
the infected and swampy ground on
which the town stood, and to take up
their abode on a hillside several miles
away.
Here streets were laid out cor
responding to those of the old town.
Every property-owner received a plot
of land similar in size and position
to that which belonged to him before
the change. The new town has
sewers. railroads. sidewalks, public
buildings, water works and other i'm
provements, all provided at govern
ment expense.
With further assistance given by
tho government the transfer was Of
fected within twelve months. and that
without any great amount of individ-
ual loss and hardship.
Evening star., 1923-07-08

yacht. Rhine wine, a horse. a shirt
and everything necessary to Upstairs
Society will be included. No extra
charge"
20 goshes." holla Nogi. Il wish 1
was in Germany now with IS! Then
could afford all the vulgarity
nave always craved."
But stopp" 1 snarrel. Before be-
coming a enemy ALLAN please to look
at the other side of the photo. You
have gone to Germany and got change
for your IS. Yes. You are now a
millionaire. You are richer than
John D. Morgan. j. Pierpont Rookie
feller and Rupert Hughes. all added
up. You eat in goldy dining rooms
filled with marble pillows and grand
pictures of Gotterdamerung swearing
at Parsifal. Any time. day & night,
you can order champain, coffee, choco-
late or soda water at whimm. Then
what?"
Nogi are disa bled to reply.
Then come time when YOU are
board with luxury. Like all Japa-
nese you wish to get back to America
as soonly as pussible. Therefore you
sell your palace. your swimming tank,
your brewery for 80 & 90c L. S. A.
Then how you arrive back TO y. Y.
without walking across Atlantic.
which cannot be done because too
hilly?"
Nogi commence weeping in cup of
coffee which he bora from me.
Yes" he sub, II am fearful that
trade are still unbalanced. Fault of
this are Congress. How can Europe
ever get harmony again while Amer
ica holds a Loof?"
Holds a whiches?" | ask to know
with upper eyebrows
"A Loot" dictate Nogi.
What are a Loof?" | require like
Hon. Will Rogers.
4
N 4 LOOF are something patented
"A by Henry Crabbot Lodge 1t
were invented for purpose of keeping
out of trouble when she are
Evening star., 1923-07-08

know the difference between the Ever
Ready whistle and the Qui Vive
whistle?
But Elva amt a sucker enough to
always pull the same stuff in the same
joint. He has got another scheme
which is said to of been thought up
by Ed Reulbach when the last named
was pitching for the Cubs.
* **
I'D WAS losing a game VS.. Brooklyn
- and between innings he says to
Mgr. Chance l tell you what I will
do. l will eat some soap and when
get out there next innings l Will
have a fit and froth at the mouth and
the crowd will go into a panic and
swarm do wn on the field and the UNI
pires will half to forfeit the game to
Chicago.
Well Elva always has a tube of
shaving cream in his pocket and when
he sees it is time for him to quit he
secretly takes swig out of the tube
and the next minute he begins froth-
| ing at the mouth and making funny
noises and as rule the game breaks
up instantum as very few people even
loosers cares to play in a game with
a man that is conducive to fits.
Another one of Elva's tricks is to
60 to a poker party with bag Of
chocolate creams which he has warm
ed up over a gas jet before leaving
home. When he feels like he has
win enough for one evening he pulls
out the bag of chocolates and passes
them around but they won't nobody
take one as they look terrible.
So Elva eats them himself and gets
his hands all smeared up and II amt
Evening star., 1923-07-08

SAT any rates" decry Nogi while
arising up and walking to
where my hat was pegged on a nail
above Hon. Kitchin Sink. this Inter-
national Situation are as full of vex
as it can be. Hi-ho, 1 worry. But
I have moments of uptomism For
instancely. do you not thing that ma
tions. kingdoms, etc. can be pulled
out of scrapes by sweethearted finan-
ciers?"
How thus?" l ask to know.
BY system of borrowage & loan
age" he amplify.
lock up both my pockets, shifting
rats in his commencement.
How you should work said bor-
rowage & loanage?" / snarrel like a
bank.
For inStancely" He reach to
where my Sabbath derby was pegGed
to wall. Let this hat be an illus
TRAITOR. / am Germany, needing more
style with which to obtain new job in
a refined business. So what? You
have hated me formerly, but can't
afford 10 now, because with new job
from you maybe. What now?" Nogi
put hat on his depraved hair. You
are England. quite happy to caress
me back to prosperity because you
then can wear soX and go see Miss
SuZi-san for marriage purposes. So
now you see how Europe can be
saved from herself?" he require while
walking down steps.
Hold back" | vale. Last hat
YOU bora from me was stepped on by
a street car
I'm international loans" say Nogi
for sweetly smiling, "smallish per
sonal matters are less than nothing.
Good by for to day. Togo. You have
saved Europe"
SO he walked away like Turk
leaving Luzanne.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly.
HASHIMCRA TOGO.
Copyright 1923. L. s. and Great Britain by
North American Newspaper Alliance