San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-04-01

"Right-o." said Uncle CRANKY. "But
don't get the Idea that there was only
one Pretext. Any Gentle<ian who had
it in the back of his Head TO 90 down
to the Corner and get all lit up ILL,
a Triumphal Arch could always pull
swell Excuse. Also, every Family
Man who came home at 3 a. NJ. with
a Breath which showed as a Pbos-
phorescent Streak in the Darkness
was always there with a peachy Alihi.
In all the years during which ] play
ed more or less Tag with the Liquor
Traffic, can't remember one Case in
which Lush went 10 the Bad because
of a low-down craving for the old
Juice. He was either led astrsy or
his foot slipped. He lined up with the
Indians and began TO hoist, not be-
cause Strong Drink was anything In
his Young Life, but because the Oc-
casion seemed to warrant an Exchange
Of Hospitalities and he could not of-
ford to ignore the strict Tenets OF So
ciability. Thus, one Man would drink
because he had just received a Wire
saying that an Uncle was dead in
South Dakota.
AHOlurE On
cause bis Wife had given birth to
Twins, or his Son had graduated from
High School, or he himself had been
awarded a Contract. Let us sup
pose that A, standing for Adams
had been in the Country with his
Family and came Home feeling very
Top-Hole and full of Frisk. Just be-
cause he was Aces and Fights, he
would beat it TO a gilded Dump and
pound on the Bar and tell the Bosun
TO pipe all Hands forward for Grog
and let the others hide their Coin. Re
versing the Picture, b, standing for
Blazinsky. would har- = Dull Pain in
the Coxe and Prairie Fire under the
Belt. He would come into the Home
for Maynard Men and lean his Body
up against the Rail and tell Mciluke
how he was punk and seedy and des-
located, even as a Faded Flower. Then
Mac would look him over and mt on
the Manner of Diagnostician aud
say. What you need is n little Skee
with n Dash OF Peppermint ! can
assure you that the Boys behind the
Spigots saved many Trip TO the
Doctor. If an Unfortunate came with
his Feet wet and his Teeth chatterinc,
he was given full Gill from the
Black Bottle. If the next Patient had
Heartburn and sort of Sofa-Pil-
low Taste in the Mouth, he would be
given a Slug of the same Panacen.
What was in the Black Bottle?"
asked Elderl.in.
If the Government Chemist couldn't
find out. what charge did the Gus
toners have? The only two Ingred-
tents we felt sure of were Fuscl Oil
and Prune Juice. 1t smelled like Lini-
ment, and those who did not fancy il
as Beverage used it for removing
Rust from Metals. Before twanging
the Harp. it was customary to study
the Label on the Outside and then
breathe a silent Prayer. A much fav-
CURED Superstitution was that the
longer it was kept in the Barrel the
more deadly and altogether desirpble
it became. As to that, ] cannot say,
My clearest Recollection is that almost
any well known Brand would induce
Il Dove of Peace TO challenge the
American Eagle. After pouring about
Three Fingers it was advisable 10
81. :, ~ =" 0i"'A w
'aAe W tne hecoli
arr anu WihI Oh the future!
10 you, III hetrospect, ihe festivi-
lles U. me lds. century IooK 10 De
very tacchanaIan ana What you
might 'er,I, hougn SUN. ! can Us,
auie you ,na1 When tne whoie Worid
f nas ..nc'ured WIN tne Essence OF
! IN the only DIpsomaniac was
.ne O,ntr reilow. Even the Saha-
uuIIu,I inmates caiIed IL stomach
irouo,' Inc Legisiaiors VINO voted
hsainsC 'neir old slde-kl r. John Bar-
msoorh' uiu ~ WIN extreme heiuc'-
any, ~
gay 10 you 1oung People, De ior-
EI'IhS 10 lhe faSt. because you i've
az negenera,ed Era anu have KNOWN
IRON ,he cradie up that both Slavery
anu Sochlai,s are wrong: dont turn
,ne AMY rortralts 10 the wall just
because some OF the Beaks are rosy
heu. -FOUR piDu,ous forebears simply
xHapted themselves to environment.
men they were Associating, 1t was
mot the common practice TO ask for
lea WIN oiice OF Lemon IN IT: so
they look not AppleJack with light
grazing oil Nutmeg on the Surface.
Ine essential Weaknesses of HUI
man Nature endure. but Fashions
change. In our enlightened Day. the
village souse sings in the Choir be-
cause even the Drug Stores are afraid