The Washington times., 1923-03-11
Showing Them
The Town
. LleLg BELL,


tiI some relatives arrive
on the scene and expect him 20
show the place to them.
There Is something about rela.
tiyes which makes them demand
this sort Of treatment. You can't
lead them out TO the Sidewalk.
and say, Well. here's the city.
Look st Il 70 your hearts con
tent.
They want something more per.
sorfal than that. The country
cousin ID N Institution, and when
lleO generally she settles
down On ron for an indetermin-
ate period OF nOn-dues paying.
euest-ro0m occupancy you might
just as well make up your mind
that yon viii have 20 show them
the place, sooner or later.
Whenever there's g circus.
bible conference. . convention, or
good spell OF weather, these
visitors are certain To put In an
appearances. smiling and expect
ant.
They are eager tc take III the
sights They have come with the
express purpose Of dividing their
time between you and the ortside
attractions The outside atkrac.
lions bear tp pretty well under
the strain. but II 70 apt to DO
rather hard on you.
And yet y0u never retaliate
You never drop down ,inex.
peCte0ly In the middle Of their
COW pasture. or their apple orch
ard, and say. Well. here an.
Show ms the sfghts.n
But that fact doesn't make anv
differences to them. You are loen
expensive than 3 hotel, and tkav
seek your fireeide.
Sometimea they rfye w.
warning on 8 postcard. WITi -
up e town In the morning. Hoo
yOu folks are al well. We krS
the same.
This il the limit 81 ccrrl
spondence II which they eve
indulge. e Ii Just like meosaKA
from the "a Klux Khan, 81 4 Nh
lot dOux from the Black Hand
30 your wife gets out the bnms
silver and counts n.
Then she displays the Turkinh
bath towels with the heavy friuen
which she keeps hidden Tor cor
pany occasions. and likewise iays
out the nifty ten-pOund bednnRn
with the peacock pattern.
A. for yourself, you are n,
signed to sleep IN the kitchen -
some Other quiet Out-Of.the.W6R
place. This naturally puts you E,
cheerful frame of mind.
When relations announce thai
they are coming. wealthy people
can escape them BY boarding d
their houses and going away OF
50 aoWhere. But people III or0i.
nary circumstances, who always
have more cousins than anybody
else. anyway, cant nolve their
problem g. easily as that.
We cant even afford to board
up orr flat. let alone 90 away and
leave IL.
Even II We did have enough
cash on hand to buy the necen
sary lumber. the chances are tanE
i 70 duh help any, becanao thn
re- xteAs would probably come
arms with croWbars nc pr
their say In. Tnn1 fs'd lave Is
boerA them 20 vii &c the win
DOVE.
III. - nothing 20 do but rim
and Jear tor them. When they
arrive you rush around madIy -
their guide, and look at statues
and streets and zoos and a0uars
Mms and art galleries and 4
dozen other things which nearly
every city has for the benefit re
strangers, but which residents
should be forbidden BY law from
entering.
We had one OF these coueinn5
visiting Us recently.
She had brought all her even
Ing dresses with her, which was
q hint that she wanted to see
the lights Of Broadway. So We
got dyspeptic taking her to res
taurants. and partially dear TAX
ing her to cabarets.
Finally. In desperation, we de.
cided we'd have to do something
IN order to get Q little rest. we
suggested that she spend the day
IN the Art Museum. Not that We
had anything against the mu.
scum, you understand, but there
are times when people win do
anything.
So the next day We rushed her
over to the museum and pushed
her In. We figured It would hold
her Q while.
We hurried home. planning to
get q little sleep and wash an
three days. accumulation of
dishes.
We hadn't been inside the
house . half hour before she
opened the door and popped IN.
I just finished with the ma.
scum she chirpaA SIT was
wonderful Now, what shall we
do next?
I'd like to know what q mn.
scum Is good for II It won't hold
relative more than half an
hour.
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