The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-27

: To Editor AgeHerald, whose bust
/ ness has became SO large he must
hire people to mind it for him.
i Hon. Mr.. Sir
d | am different from other servant
! girls for this reason: l spend my
| Thusdy p. M in Gen. Education
Merely because / get liberty on that
} Il holiday | do not wish to become
! a Liberty Bum. Instead of wasting
| that sweet day in gum chewing, fir
tating, emotion picture show and
other, etc. the way most housemaids
does, 1 open my brain and get full on
heavy thoughts. This are known as
! Delight Saving, and l wish to get it
patented.
/ For MISTAKENLY:
! Last Thusdy p. m. l call to Banzai
Boarding House. X. Zero prep, and
there 1 find Cousin Nogi in his room
looking like a peep-hole.
HUSKY he say it. IF you will
speak under your tonsls to avoid
sound 1 will open 1 qrt."
q qrt. of what?' I ask to know.
| Scottish whisky made by a Ital-
call it?"
| "Umpossible." I narrate.
| Therefore Nogi croll below bed and
fetch forth Hon. Bottel which look
! like 1t could not tell the truth un-
der oath or any other profanity
|
me out too much in glass I could
understand why he was so charrit
! ible.
Here's happy daze!" say for
sweetly smiling while I uplift drink.
"How?" narrate Nogi with invita-
ton.
swalla. What was that? In
stantly I could see following scenery
| happening inside my sacred STUN
mack:
/. Something like lightning strik-
ing, Senator la Toilette in the head
and bouncing off uninjerred.
! 2. Something like the Pacific
ocean coming to y. Y. to challenge
Hon. Jack Dempsey.
! 3. Something like Kelly & Mac
ready Janus can't-stop flyers, at
tempting to carry Fatty R. Buckle
| from New Orleans to Montreal
: 20 cosby" l gollup, while folding
! myself up tt' enjoy great pain. How
drinking do wreck the constitution"
(Which part of constitution do 1t
wreck" say Nogi.
THE place where it has been
! patched over the 18th hole" l gosp.
But now that we are drunken. why
should we not talk about something
that is worth while?'
! Let us talk about Presidents"
snuggest Nogi with poison pen ex-
preston.
| boOuN' Gpl SplHt iiiHS iliOI Z
charming" I narrate with Greenwich
+, Village eyebrows. Let us talk
| about Vice."
| What have Vice got to do with
Presidents?" Nogi renig.
There are Vice Presidents, are not
F, they?" L requesh. And what could
he more important than to be Gen.
Manager of all the Vice in American"
! "Perhapsly," surrender Negi with
slight Hick Up. But who would be
willing to get elected for such mean
| job of work?'
"x Candidate Cox might" I say so.
But would he? His motto Is: Pres
ident or Nothing. Answer to this
are: Nothing"
"Then we must look elsewheres, "
none my very hoe ched cousin.
"Ah yes" I collapse. But think
Vice In this land where all men are
! born free unequal. Nothing but Vice
is to be seen on all hands Some
body must watch it. Nothing else is
of not account. by goly. Tariff.
baseballing. treasury, income tacks-
what are they cumpaired with Vice?
| We must pass more laws"
| "ShuX." deprave my cousin. Leg
islatures are passing laws already
faster than people can break them"
"You are talking garbage" cor
rode. II cannot turn my ankles with
out bursting five or six command
ments. Look at Prohibition, for in
stancely."
"Ytstiddy it were an idol dream"
say Nogi.
ITO day it are busy nightmare,
| romp. And everything in accor-
| deon | cannot breathe for fearful 1
shall be arrested for carrying liquor
in publck. Yet if I held my breath
l must go jail for concealing drinks"
Eyes SOL" ollicute Nogi. But how
could Vice Presidents be useful in
this jumbo situaton?"
HE could do plenty" 1 deploy.
Firstly, he could distribute Vice so
that it would not get together in such
large chunk. Secondly. he could take
it into every family like a radio.
Thirdly. he could write to everybody
each morning, telling what Is Illegal
/ for that day. For instancely, he could