The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-01-19
sgss.aTgaz sggig XII g 8iggs sIstsss2
Masque Burlesque
THE FILTHY WEED
BY GEE SEE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS :,
(Formerly smiiin' Thrul

And snorted aloud in vulgar tone,
"This car smells as foul as a barr'
How do you know" growled a
caustic male,
Are you used to the smell of
bars?"
She shifted in reply and took a seat
Behind two men smoking cigars.
She muttered, Smoking annoys me,
1t makes me as sick as pup"
And the caustic male spoke up
again,
"Then, Madam, why not give it up ?"
*+*4*s
There is nothing more futile and
disappointing than looking for dry
place on your handkerchief when you
have bad cold!
**%***
1t is no disgrace to be called crank
especially if you can produce some
thing when you are cranking.
*#@*44
Dear Gee See-The Salvation Army
adopted eommendable slogan in "A
Man May Be Down, But He's Never
Out" The churches, by their atti-
tude, seem to have adopted different
kind in their attitude toward Roscoe
Arbuckle. 1t might be called, "IF
A MAN Is DOWN, THEN KNOCK
HIM QUITO. V. N.
%*&**s
Our heart was touched with anguish
ing sympathy by the preacher who
recently bemoaned the HARD WORK
CD he has to do. As proof of his
labors he said, "Why one night last
week | didn't get to bed until twenty
minutes after tenl"
#***#~
The N. j. Dept. of Conservation and
Development has just announced that
the water used in the State fell off
gallons per day for each person
during last year.
***#**
That's another proof that New Jer1
sey is the bootlegger's paradise!
$+***a
Most ex-service men favor light
wines and beers. 1t is proposed that
bonus be raised by allowing their
manufacture and sale and then taxing
them. That's fair enough Then
the ex-serviee men would be paying
their own bonus!
44**ft
The Metropolitan Life Insurance
calendar has health hints printed thru
out the pad for the year. One of
them is, Gin red ink,l Take No Chanc-
es In The Water"
s#*s*4
Is this another way Of saying take
a little wine for thy stomach's sake?"
%t&%*@
A contemporary has said, "A hen
is the only living critter that can set
still and produce dividends. +"
But she does a deuce of lot of
scratching before she "set's still" to
produce!
&s#%s*
One of the most provoking perver-
sites of life is that whenever you
drop a collar button it always rolls
UNDER something!
&&S*&&
The poet who sings ecstatically of
the beautiful drifting snow" evident
ly has never had to shovel any of it!
s%%#&A
1t is reported that Wesley built a
chapel in 1864 in Crosby Row, South
wark, England, which is now used as
warehouse.
Which isn't at all inappropriate.
Many church members keep their re-
ligion in cold storage.
@***s%
A frown demands the use of Ga fac
ial muscles; smile only uses IA.
%&****
Which proves that most people put
in lot Of unnecessary hard work.
&*#*4@
They put caterpillar wheels on
Fords and crossed the Sahara desert
in one-ifth the time it takes with
camels.
But we don't expect Ford will have
as easy time in crossing the great
desert of the United States in reach
ing the presidency.
s*&%&s
But at least the fiivver has won
another title-they will be known as
"SAND FLEASn after this.
*****%
Our idea of dumb-bel is the
puddle hopper who thinks a daubed-
up sign in his window is whale of
an advertising campaignl
s%&%sa
! Greenwich Village may sound old
fashioned, but the girls who live there
have gotten beyond the cigarette stage
and are brewing their own.
s&&s~@
The Phillips Memorial Hospital,
like faith sis the substance Of things
hoped for, and the evidence of things
not seen"
Asa&&&
The silent snow fell in binding