davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Sense and Nonsense
Easily Tired.

During the late war a brigadier
general received orders stating
that his brigade would jump off at
the zero hour and that such and
such would be its objective. Ac-
cordingly at the given hour the
brigade advanced and was immed-
lately cut off from the brigade
post of command. For hours the
general paced up and down wait
ing for word from his troops. But
no message came through and he
could see nothing because of the
dense smoke clouds the enemy
was floating across the line.
AT last, the staff having ex-
hausted itself with efforts to calm
its chief, there suddenly appear
ed out of the cloud of smoke a car
rier pigeon. 1t circled a few
times and then alighted.
The general cried "Thank
God!" News of the brigade!"
Lieutenant Smith, aide to the
general. rushed over to the pigeon,
unfastened the message and hasti-
ly brought it to the general who
opened it with trembling fingers.
This is what he read: "I'm tired
of carrying this blinking bird
around. Judge.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Badly Needed.

Fogarty was a hard worker, but
he simply had no natural ability
to play football. All during his
high school career, he had been 2
bench warmer, a substitute, and
never had he played in an import
ant game.
When he went to college he was
rewarded for his plugging with a
substitute position on the varsity.
But during the three years Of his
college career his chance never
seemed to come.
AT last the final game, the most
important of the season, came and
for three quarters Fogarty watch
ed his team unable to overcome
its opponents three point lead,
from the bench. But after a grind
ing line plunge the fullback lay
stretched upon the ground, and
the captain, turning, shouted /:
"Fogarty, Fogarty." All, Fogar-
ty knew what they wanted. His
time had come. Running swiftly
across the field he inquired :
Whadda va want, Capt"
"Say, Fogarty, old man." re-
piled the captain, "take off yer
pants and give 'em to the full
back. His are tore. Judge.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Notice of Hearing Final Report
and Petition for Distribution.

In Probate-No. 29156
In the Superior Court of the
state of Washington. for the coun-
ty Of King.
In tie matter of the estate Of
John Doe Urbons.
Notice is hereby given that II.
G. Gordon, administrator of the
estate of John Doe Urbons, has
filed in the office Of the clerk Of
said court his final report and pc
tition for distribution, asking the
court to settle said report, dis
tribute the property to the per-
sons thereto entitled and to dis
charge said administrator; and
that said report aud petition will
be heard on the LIST day of March,
1928, at $3.50 a. M, at the court
room of the probate department Of
said court.
Dated this 18th day Of Janu-
airy, 1923.
First publication Jan. 10, 1928.
Last publication Feb. 2, 1923.
GEORGE A. GRANT,
Clerk of said court.
By Geo. l.. Berger, Deputy.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Starting in Eearly.


"Hello, Jurd!" saluted young
swain of the Possum Trot region
addressing another Of his kind
who was humping up on a log by
the roadside. "What are you
setting there fort Anything the
matter9"
Nope" was the reply. "Just
wait-in' for Miss Ducky Daddle
to come along; I'm going to take
her to singing school. :
"But, great guns, singing school
don't take place till tomorrow
nightH'
81 know it, but when a feller's
in love he don't mind waiting"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
A Blinkin' Shame.

Flinty-It's a shame, Bill, to
think that anyone would swindle
a poor, ard working man in that
way.
Stubble-Why, what's wrong
wi yer now2
WrongY Why, ere worked
ard 'arf day painting up spar
err inter Belgian canary, and I'm
blowed If the Teller / sold it ter
didn't give me a bad 'arf-crowll
fer it!-Pearson's Weekly.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Mostly Ignorant.

A school teacher asked her
class in what part of the world
the most ignorant people were to
be found. A small boy volunteer
ed quickly, "In London, Eng
land"
The teacher was amazed, and
questioned the lad as to where he
had obtained such information.
"Well," he replied, "the geog-
raphy says that's where the popu-
lation is the most dense"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
cogent Reasons.

Il am here, gentlemen" ex-
planned the pickpocket to his fell
low prisoners, as the result of a
moment of abstraction" "And
~ said the incendiary, "because
of an unfortunate habit of making
light of things" "And l." said
the forger, "oil account Of a sim
pie desire TO make a name for my
SELF "And l." added the burg
lar, through nothing but taking
advantage of an opening which Of
fered in large mercantile estab-
lishment."
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19

property to the persons thereto
entitled and to discharge said adj
ministrator; and that said report
and petition will be heard on the
10th day of February, 1923, at 8 80
u. m, at the court room of the pro-
bate department of said court.
Dated this 9th day Of January,
1928.
First publication, Jan. 10, 1923.
Last publication, Jan, 26, 1923.
GEORGE A. GRANT,
Clerk Of said court.
BY GEO. Il. BERGER,
Deputy.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
What He Was Chasing.

A near-sighted man lost his hat
in a strong wind. He gave chase,
but every time he thought he was
catching up with it, it was whisk-
ed from under his hand. A woman
screamed from a nearby farm
house:
"What are you doing thereq''
He mildly replied that he was
trying to retrieve his hat.
"Your haiti" exclaimed the
woman. "There it is over there
under that stone wall; that's our
little black hen that you are chas-
ing"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
In Self Defense.

"Why did you compel that card
shark to sit in our friendly little
game?" asked Cactus Joe.
"Fur the common welfare re-
piled Three-fngered Sam. "Hf
knows we all have him placed for
a card sharp, and that we are
rough when riled. If he has ord,
mary Judgment he'll lose in self.
defense. "--Washington Star.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Board--Not Lodging.

On board a train an Irishman
had for some time been watching
a woman who was trying to get
her baby to sleep, but the little
fellow persisted in staying awake
and crying. Finally the Irishman
remarked, "Madam you will
please pardon me, but / believe it
is board that the baby wants in
stead Of lodging.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Notice of Hearing Final Report
and Petition for Distribution.

In Probate, No. 3Os55.
In the Superior Court of the
state of Washington for the coun-
ty of King.
In the matter of the estate of
Katherine Il. Russell, deceased.
Notice is hereby given that
Julia Kuhr, administrators of the
estate of katherine d. Russell, has
fled in the office of the clerk of
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
A Gentle Hint.

1t was the witching hour when
all was hushed and dark. Sud
denly the midnight stiffness was
broken by crash from upstairs.
"G-g-g-good Lord, what was
that, duda-dud-darlingY ex-
claimed the timid young Adonis.
"Merely father dropping a
hint" she replied, smuggling clos
er.-Yale Record.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Home to Roost.

Captain J.. Ito colored mess ser.
geant ii see you have a very fine
henhouse, sergeant, but where are
the chickens9
Mess sergeant-Captain, some
fool niger done left the door OPP.
en- las night N all dem chickens
done gon' back to the companies
from where dey com frum.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Just Like a Woman.

Man, said the woman stern
ly, "will wake up one morning
and find that the world is being
ruled by women"
"Um,' sneered her husband.
"Just like a woman, that"
whats just like a woman9''
she demanded.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Modern Efficiency.

"This is the Red Tape bureau.
We have 200 employees"
81 did not suppose you had
work for so many"
ooh, we have an excellent sys-
tenn by means of which two men
can do the work of one. Louis
vile er-Journal.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Conservation.

Bill-How does it happen that
old grouchy skinfint is always
smiling lately?
Bull-He read a paper on con-
servation of energy and found that
it takes sixty-five muscles to
frown and only fifteen to SMILE
0. A. c. Orange Owl.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19

"Why," he answered, delibcr-
ately, "to take advantage Of
man when he sleeps. dorchester
Chronicle.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Classic Hunlor.

Son Ito father who is showing
him the faculty portraits in alum
nj memorial hall)-Papa, why
don't they print them in the funny
rY-Michigan Gargoyle.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
A Transition.

A peach came walking down the
street;
She was more than passing fair
A smile, a nod, a half-closed eye,
And the peach became a pair.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19
Alex. Stewart, Attorney
805 Arctic Bldg, Seattle, Wash.
Notice of Hearing Final Report
and Petition for Distribution.

and Petition for Distribution.
In FIobate-No. BASS
In the Superior Court of the
state of Washington for the coua-
ty of King.
In the matter of the estate of
P. j. Steinbach, deceased.
Notice is hereby given that B.
Steinbach, administrator of the
estate of P. j. Steinbach, has fled
in the office of the clerk of said
court his final report and petition
for distribution, asking the court
to settle said report, distribute the
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1923-01-19

The worker still touches his hat
to the man who touches his pocket.
Bishop of st. Adams.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
The Lesson of Hawaii.
Seattle Post-lnteiligencer. )

The people of the East and Middle West and the members of the Congress should be given oppor- tunity read the vital statistics of Hawaii And to ponder their significance
 They would thereby learn something of the Jap anese problem it is being faced the Pacific Coast
 They would also see the proprety of the pro- posals to exclude all Japanese immigration.
 During the calendar year of 1922, according to figures given out by the Territorial Bureau at Homo lulu the other day there II 067 births in the Territory of Hawaii.
 Of these births, 5,526 the children of Jap anese parents.
 That is, the Japanese births within fifteen Of being exactly onehalf of all the births in the Territory during the year.
 One in every two children born Japanese chld
 There only 4o5 American children born dur ing the year
 The Japanese children born are therefore, thir- teen times numerous white American children.
 The simple unadorned fact of the matter is, of course that Hawaii, while Territory of the United States, and perhaps eventually of the States, is nevertheless definitely lost white American territory.
 The Japanese are the dominant racial factor there today.
 Their dominance is growing, simply through the enormous facundity of their people. Their families grow larger, larger.
 The lesson for of the Pacific Coast and, through us, for the people of the United States is clear enough
 What has happened in Hawaii will happen in the three Pacific Coast states if the Japanese arc allowed to into lands in as large numbers as they would like to come
 A problem such this cannot be met with compromise. It must be with absolute measures.
 The absolute measure required in this instance is exclusion.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

for Mayor of Seattle, for Governor of his State and United States Senator, but he had political am bitions and constantly refused to accept political honors. The only offices he held were those of trustee of the State reform school at Monroe and membership the Seattle School Board, the one appointive and the other elective In both places he served with marked ability adding his popularity particularly among those who had been to the reform school
 MT King native of Georgia where he grew to manhood and possessed all the finer characteristics of the Southern gentleman plus the energetic bus- and vrility of the West where he
 lived most of his life. Big of heart and loyal in his friendships, Henry King will be missed mourned by thousands of friends and admirers
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
If It Fits

Men all admire tho girls who have bilkcd at giving up the short skirt -br. rlJt for their nerve.
 Nothing makes a man kick more than having to foot the family's bills.
 The old-fashioned hustle may have had its drawbacks, but we guess it was a little safer to fall down in the days when the ladies wore them. AS far as some people we know are concerned all the letters of the alpha bet-except the capital I-might as we'll be dgtched, for it is the only one they ever use.
 A man can stand for his wife run ming him, but no man, no matter how meek he> is, will stand for her running his business. No matter how hard pressed man is he ought always to keep his clothes well-pressed.
 We guess a lot of fellows never realize until they get into it what nerve they showed by getting mar. ried with wives, rents and food all so high
 Sometimes 1t seems woman en- joys a bawl almost as much as she ! ever does a ball
 Evidently girls are not as careful as they used to be-what we are re- ferring to, however, is the claim of the underwriters that the increase in fires is due to the fact so many of them have learned to smoke.
 There isn't much danger of tho
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
PUT CREAM IN NOSE
 AND STOP CATARRH Tells How To Open Clogged Nos- trils and End Head-Colds.

You feel me Tn lew moments. Your cold in head or catarrh will be gone. Your clogged nostrils will open. The air passages of your head will clear and you can breathe freely. No more dullness, headache no hawking, snuffling, mucous dis charges or dryness no struggling breath at night.
 Tell your druggist you want a small bottle of Ely's Cream. Balm. Apply a little of this fragrant, an- tiseptic cream in your nostrils, let it penetrate through every air passage of the head; soothe and heal the swollen, inflamed mucous membrane, and relief comes instantly.
 It is just what every cold and catarrh sufferer needs. Don't stay stuffed-up and miserable.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
An Amendment Test.
(Ketcllikan News. )

Repairing the Constitution is almost the leading legislative industry, State and National It is a hope jess task to keep with it's activities Wash ngton and the output of the fortycght separate fac tories is ncaculable In this Congress alone, since March l. 1921, some eighty amendments to the Con- sttution have been proposed Undeterred by the rs- ing masse to speak of the New York and Illi- nois voters against Constitutions the Consitu- tion makers wholesale and retail, always working overtime Constitutional change, largely for the sake of changes is the mode That irresponsible radical Mr La Toilette, has resurrected scheme of early "rcactonaries the recall by Congress of de- cisions of the Supreme Court
 In Senator Bruces exhaustive biography, John Randolph of Roanoke, find the declaration of prin- cipes in regard to constitutional amendments made in the Virginia Constitutional Convention of 1S29-3O by that ausere "old Republican" the brilliant if somewhat eccentric leader of the strict cnstructon- ists, the States Rights men, the so-called Tertium Quids
 The grievance must first be clearly speci-
 fled and fully proved; it must be vital or
 rather deadly, in it's effect; it's magnitude
 must be such as will justify prudent and req
 sonable men in taking the always delicate
 often dangerous, step of making innovations
 in their fundamental law: and the remedy
 must be reasonable and adequate to the end
 in view.
 That seems to be competent and reasonable test that ought to be applied to every proposed amend ment of the Constitution. Of in John Ran dolphs benighted time-James Madison and James Monroe were members of this Virginia convention amendments interfering with private habit and con duct national police statutes into the Con- atitution. were never dreamed of
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

married man who has one of these energetic wives ever being troubled with sleeping sickness.
 If we could cut of the Tree of Knowledge the fruit most of us would demand would be the kind that was not good for Us.
 One way to make the flapper con tent with her ba5ba1 locks is to tell her the womcns clubs of the country have condemned t.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
DEATH OF HENRY KING.

The death of Henry R. King at Seattle was a severe loss to that town and the State Washing ton For many years he had been of tho most active and hafdest working business men of the Puget Sound metropolis, yet he was so busy that he did find time take leading part fin charitable and humane work
 Mir. Kings well known popularity, fine ability as public speaker and eminent fitness for public service caused people to beseech him to became 1idate for office, He had been regularly suggested
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

The majesty of American citizenship cannot be impie51ed upon the Indians of Alaska by giving the franchise to those admittedly unqualified to form Judgments and vote inielligontly just would throw scraps from table. The franchise should be treated az treasure to be cherished by those to whom 1t is given
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
The Remedy Is Worth the Cold

Opines Tom Deming. in the War ren (O) Tribune: When some fel- lows havc a severe cold they get the idea that everybody in town wants to know how they caught it.'
 There's method in their madness. Tom. They tell everybody, hoping somebody with big heart and cellar full will give tham something for it.. Sam EtH in Cineinnati (O) En- quirer.
 Sure thing. A little hot toddy will knock a cold into a cooked hat
 Adam Breede.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
A Roug;, One

'Hcw's that now cub reporter?" asked the city editor
 Hes a rough one replied the copy reader, The brolks all the rules of grammar murders the English and splits his fn1inftfyes'
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
It's Safer to Travel Than to Eat ir
 EncIand

Leading statiSticians of England assert that moro persons annually choke to death while eating in Eng land than are Killed on the English railways item
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

At least the Sultan count himself lucky that he is not living in the United States. If he were here he would have his hands 200 SO separate actions for support
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

If Mrs Edith Rockefeller Mccormick is right in her assertion that she the first wife and legal Queen Of Tutankamun, reckon she will stand q good chance to recover her dover interest in the forty odd millions discovered in her husbands tomb Enquirer)
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
An Old One Revised

Blinks-'It is better to give than to receive, you know"
 links Maybe. But I'll say this as to coal: It is better to sell it than to buy it these days"
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

Now Works Hippodrome is to give way for $15 900 900 hotel.-News item. What will the man from Mukeo do the first night of his first visit to Gotham after that?
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
ALONG LEES DETOUR
 By SAM HILL
Observations of Oldest Inhabitant

l kin remember when soda foun tains and motor cars were laid LII during the winter months.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
It's Work When You Are Paid for It

Though the musician always plays,
 He's really not a shil'k;
 For when he's playing you must know To ihim it means hard work.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
The Ananias Club

'I wouldn't think of using powder on cosmetics because they are so harmful to the skin declared a fldqper to her mother.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

Help yourself. is the motto of today Exert your indiv viduality instead leaning on your neigbbor Tor support Nothing is despicabe as young man or woman who will not lving-( Prince Rupert News
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

Not evolution. but Eve. is blamed for this row over descent, the assertion being made that Adam was porn man. but she made monkey of him In the case involving the forbidden frut-(Cincin- nati Enquirer)
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

We don't know how Senator Poindexter is yonu to show up as Minister to Peru, but we're banking on Mrs. Poindexer to keep the public eye focused upon the Andean Republic Cincinnati Enquirer
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
Where One Bell Gives Another One |;
 6i.,n
An option
quoted

"All things arc possible quoted the bachelor
 "Well, If you ever get wife and try to please her you will qualify that statement growled the married man
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
Makes You Want to Give it One

The world never believes your ex planation of a black eye or of fail ure.-Sam Hill The world irritates by it's indulgent smile at the ex planation.-J. H. Reed
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

The chief trouble with the country at present seems to be too many authorities and not enough Baltimore Sum-
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
Daily Sentence Sermon

Nothing is harder to gee than easy money or a soft job.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

But think of the increased demand for gasoline to supply unwatched joy riders,
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

Bargain hunters a,ways read The Empires classified columns.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16
News of the Names Club

News of the Names Club Some girls are poor, but Helen Coin Hives in Mulberry Grove, Mo. Not all girls have time for it, but We are informed Esther Mae Ponder livcs in St. Louis.
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

One would think that the price of gaso- line should go down since the Rockefeers have withdrawn their financial support from the Anti-Saloon League.=( Cincinnati
The Alaska daily empire., 1923-03-16

Must Have Wanted too Make Sure of
 the Job Headline fn Newten fKan.) Kansan.) MURDERED WIFE COMMITS
 SUICIDE
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1923-08-22

Wherever good mich cows are found in the
Northwest, bank deposits considerably larg-
er than in communities devoted only to soil crops.
Remember this fact when you make your
plans for the week of September to 8. That
week will see the staging of the Northwest Dairy
Exposition upon the Minnesota State Fair
Grounds in connection with the State Fair of
1928
This Exposition will include cattle Of the five
dairy breeds, all high-producing- the kind of
animals whose offspring means more bank de-
posits for Minnesota and the entire Northwest.
But all of the conversation in the world on
the subject Of dairying will not increase bank
deposits as will concerted effort to bring to
this Dairy Exposition the people who need to be
sold on the fundamental necessity for purebred,
high-gradei high-producing profitable animals.
Everybody can help to do that.