davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

nee there was a beautiful
Specimen of Veal named
" Oliver.
He had some Collateral which
was not to be getable until he
had attained his Majority. The
frugal Relative who bequeathed
the Bundle had cut his own Hair
and lived on Oatmeal for Years
so as to get ahead of the Game.
In the Will there was a Pro
viso that Ollie should come into
His when he had arrived at the
Age of Discretion.
T theoretically, any one who 10
twenty-one knows which way to
Vote and how to protect his Capt.
tai.
In Reality, some Men vote like
Pigeons even after they are going
on sixty-two, and all the Front
Rooms at the Poor-House are &C.
cipied by Elderly Gentlemen who
started in at forty to whip-saw
the Grain Market.
Ollie's People brought him up.
on the Cheaps so that he would
learn to be Close and not frivol
his Money. He wore Hand-me-
downs and Reversible Cuffs.
He had one .Cravat for Week
DAYS and a Black Satin Effect
with a Red Coral Pin for Sun
days.
If he wanted a Pack of Cigarettes
he had to hold out when he did the
Marketing. All of his Smoking was
done in Freight Cars, for he was
watched all the while, lest he
should fall into Bad Hands.
On the Day which made him
twenty.one, Ollie procured him a
Red Check Book and began to ak
pertinent with it.
For years he had nursed an Am
bition to be a Nobby Dresser. Now
that he had broken out and had
Uncle's Stuff right in his Kick,
there was nothing to prevent him
from going as far as he liked.
So he ordered some Hot Suits
with Silk Facing on the Lapels,
and a fawn-colored OVercoat with
Pearl Buttons about the size of
Water Crackers.
He began to wear Patent Leather
Shoes all the time and bought a
large Spark for his Third Finger.
After he got into his Gleeful Gar.
nerts any one could tell, even by
looking at him from across the
Street, that he was one of the
ure.Enoughs.
TACKLES BIG JOB.
As soon az Ollie started to
sprinkle his Currency up and down
the principal Thoroughfares. he be-
gan to have a haunting Fear that
some one might overlook the Fact
that he was Thoroughbred. s
After Family has had its
Money for three or four Centuries.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
OUR RAW CIVILIZATIONS BY GEORGE AIDE

He began to have some Trouble
in getting Things that were good
enough for him.
He paid 20 Dollars apiece for
his Shirts. as q great many people
afterward learned, and the To-
hacconist had to send away for
Special Brand Of Fifty-cent
Cigars because Ollie hated the
Cheap Kind.
While out shorping, IL the
Salesman showed hina-A Pair Of
silk Jatams for Sixteen Dollars.
he always wanted to know II they
didn't have something for Eighteen
Dollars.
He had more than two hundred
Cravats. mostly Blue. and he went
in for Socks with his Monogram
worked on the Side.
His Belt Buckle had Ruties set
In It and he wore inlaid Buttons
with his Evening Clothes.
\ At the Theater, he instatsd On
the stage BOX. and Il the straw
.cclored aoubEine smiled at him
he sent her q cart.wheel Of ViOlsts
worth. Forty Dollars.
A BIRD FOR A TINE.
ne was q gentleman from
away back. Everybody said that.
he did not give any one q Chance
to think differently
Ollie was ready 10 20 - any
Length. IN order to dsEnnastrAts
that. ho was Fine ana Fancy.
One Day he counted up what he
had left Of Uncla's Money. and
figured that Il he continued to
be the Real IhlnR he would last
for about ak Months.
He Suspected that II would be
very foxy Move to bNstn to
soonomize, but he was too proud
to sacrifice that Reputation which
he had built up with % much
painful Effort. He couldn't bear
tina Thought Of having It said that
he was Ptkins and flying low.
Besides. he deOidsd that he
could avoid going over the Dump
nv jumping into the Stock Mar
ket ana buying 1000 Shares Of
something that was about to al
vance forty Points.
80 he took some Advice. and
now, this January. he 10 wearing
the fawn-colored Benjamin with
the Pearl Buttons. also the open
work Socks with the MonOgrams,
But he has this Consolation.
Ali the other Has-Beens who
stand around the Radiator with
him, waiting for somebody to
come in and Say Something.
agree that he was q Bird for the
time being.
MORALS: The GentIeaNAn Bust
ness is handicapped by OverPro-
duction and too much COmpeH-
ton.
Copyright. 1923, The Rellsyndieats. Ins.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
HEARD AND SEEN =. A
THE Ex-SoLDIER's STORY.

A man IN an o. D. suit was the guy
that told this tale 70 me.
He had two gold stripes ON eaeh
sleeve. and he wore q ID. ,. u
He sald. ..It,s late, but I'll relate. In
case you want TO hear n.d"
A story, cad. but IL makes me "A~U'
. s1d he , sIpeds s away told 'ef Kaiser Bill
you've gone a bit too far.
II made me mad, and. OF course d
rad. I signed up for tine war.
drilled In the Alabama san' nno =
with q heavy pack. ana believe me-
Mac. was tired when I hit the hay.
And We Kept this S cTo.s ssd me Rsaf fS.m.
when we reached the land q the
sFroge.' a long, LONG way from neme.
Then it was hike and 0rli. eno NS
got our I'm, we were z. :seas "a AZ % ye On,
BIT for the land Of Lafayette.
Then we headed East for the Argonne
woods. where the Germans Ne IN
Ach"ckl,n~ over their heIlieh deeds,
and sinEine their Hymn q Hate.
Then nm tlarOurh the blooAy Woods
We gent 4. ss:. , Ss ' sna t1 ss' sss We:
hell, but we kept on towards the
Ard We saw eur buddies die IKE men
in the woods al stained with S.oSai;
u y
through the sllrapnel, gas ana mud
We'll. we stuck II out fer . mon!n g
more, while the sheHs snr1eked
AS Sket We% did cur bit tin the Kaissr
quit, and the guns Quit throwing
Fhess. we left . lot Of our frieIsde IN
France, and the rest q ~ called
Ana. Il wasn.t long TN we were back
IN the 9oda old y. s. A..
Inst listen, now. I'm nearly tnrougn'
tI1is here's what makes me Sore
4 left a girl, and q darn goO4 JOo'
when went off to the war.
when I returned. my job was gone
md nay Tirl Was married, to,
Ain't that enough, d0ggo1e the luck,
60 make o fellow blue5
And the man who said, wish cS1Ao
go.' and Good luck 90 Yen. BOo:
when 4 came back. why, darn tne
luck, HE'S THE GUY WHO HAD
ny JOB.
And the guy who waved the flag ana
yelled. Dob, knock 'em fer . Gel,
WHEN I GOT BACK, HE'D MAJ.
RED MY GIRL, DO000NR HIS
Now, my job Il gone, and my gtrI ID
gone. and the U. 8. A.'s gone Dry
We'll. so long, mate, here comes
freiGht,n-aKd he caught 10 On tno
fly. --~n.r
- (Ex-CorpOfal. A. *. E.l
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
GIRLS / DIDN'T MARRY. !"

The girls didn't marry.
see them, here and there,
Elaine, Elise and Carrie,
Who held me in their snare.
TO think used to care
For them! How tastes do vary
Yet once / thought them fair,
The girls I didn't marry.
Elaine was trim and slender
And now she's slow ana fat;
Elise. with eyes Of gplendeF
Has grown to be cat.
Cher husbands wise to that
And he's unhappy, very
Aha! chuckle at
The girls didn't marry.
Dear Carries still o beauty
But talks with man severe, ef
s'Woman'g high duty"
And .'sWoman's wider spherel's
But thus my heart Is merry.
That these I've named you here
Are girls I didn't marry. -
Come sweet, let az make love
with kisses light and airy.
FOR you are not among
The girls didn't marry.
THE COLONIAL CLUE
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
Don't Be a wallflower All Your Life"

bel-(yawn)-you know the Ala
bama Jubels.''
"Zasso," / replied in my purest
New Yorkese. by the way you
are soitently a bold Of spieler."
AS a matter Of fact we were
Vernoncastiling all over the lot
and then got a fiat wheel.
Nothing would go right. My foot
wouldn't behave. The hour was
nearly up and 7 was back where
I started. wanted to ask for
my money back-but when
thought of that poor young lady
from the fine old Southern family
struggling alone in New York
didn't have the heart.
PROVED A DUD.
As a dancer / seemed to have
turned out a dud-and the rest
Of my life I must be the per-
petual he-wallflower, Stunned by
ladies and scorned by men.
What a void! What void!
1t 80 happened that few
nights later 1 was invited to a
big ball-quite a la-de.da affair.
There was nothing to do but
go. thought Of the torturing
moments when would stand on
the outer circles like a gawk
while the rest of the guests
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
; " this dance-mad metropolis one
must dance or pay the piper

" this dance-mad metropolis one
must dance or pay the piper
that il, be ostr1cised. The
man who cannot dance IL looked ct
with the same curiosity al one
who might have an extra finger,
or one black and one white eye
brow.
For several years I used to be
dragged about cafes. sit in the
corner as though I were Dumb
Ike himself, and wonder why the
ladies referred-to me in whispers
a srandpop. I soon learned the
reason. It was because I could
not trip the light fantastic.
So began my campaign Of
terpsichorean endeavor. 1 went
to a place called a Salon de Danse
lessons ten bucks per. The head
professor-old Kid Terp himself
met me In his inner sanctum. He
looked like q bull fighter In knee
pants, red silk shirt and black
sash. It wasn't . bad guess, for
he could throw the bu1l-but he
made his living coaxing tricky
feet to behave.
He sized me up. He told me I
was built for dancing-And he
spoke of the spirit and grace and,
- -.~- a. R~A~S~~1A - hfA arf 10
hear him one would get the idea
1 would leave his place 4 cham
pion gavottist or one-steppist. So
I signed on the dotted line and he
pushed q bell-which tipped it off
upstairs that another sucker had
been hooked through the sflls.
ALL RIGHT UNTIL
Another bull fighter-or rather
thrower-can1e in ana took me in
charge. / had to take off my coat
and Vest-and, Of course, you
know how it 10, the laundry was
late or 1 would have been wearing
O clean one.
Then the lesson started. One
and.two-and.three .and-twirl - one
and
was all right up to the twirl.
Ny twirl 10 more Of a combination
head-spin and nose-dive than q
plain, old-fashioned twirI. 1 would
never take up twirling a. q hobby.
But professor So-and-So was
very patient He explained that
should poise on the ball Of my
foot. l was more Of q heel
twirler.
do 1t like this. he said and
illustrated by a graceful top-lik.
spin.
"oh," I replied. 81 get the idea
Like this"'
And I scored two potted palms
and wound up with my heat
fastened under a radiator.
The rest of the class turned GU
to be gisglers. The head giggle
sounded like a high note on
piccolo. 1 bestowed upon him tn
meanest glare l carry with me.
And we started all over agar
But ! couldn't get the hang G
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
CHANGE IN SCHOOL RATINGS

CHANGE IN SCHOOL RATINGS.
One of ChicGgo's famous pack
ers kGving been offered a posi-
ton on the Chicago school board,
1t is suggested that he mag aOGst
to, change the ratings OF
school children from "excellest,"
ssrood," "foiv," ETC., to prime"
ssnchoice," "skortfed," "cepners,"
ycutters.' The teGchers, u IS
suggested, Woatd be rated as
Common stock or f'preferred,
the schools called "yCrds" and
the school rooms pens"
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
WAS IN IAN OLD sHOE?"

Relative to the poem, What Is
IT." printed In The Times Janu.
airy Z. Mrs. MARY VAN H. says
she is confident the answer il
ian old shoe" or "a pair of old
shoes
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

They say that BenjGnsi't
Frankls1s discovered electTic.t
itY.- bit that can't be right
because 1CGN back at the time
Of the flood Noah had an ark
li0ht on the top Of Mt.
ATGfGt.
ME. HAYTHE.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

The talk Of tOa0M people:
Form produce costs so mach"
The talk of country people
Farm produce brings 90 little"
Both are right. The farmer gets
nothing for his crops; the tosU1s
people pGN enormous prices.
The fault liss IN methods of
distYibMtion, and immense profits
sometOkere betsOeeR the producer
and the consumer.
FRED VETTER.
A killing GffGir-AR Englisk
Joke. c. OLIN KING.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
REFLECTIONS.

rife In measured not by its
years, but by its enthusiasm or
pep.
Our character and HABITS are the
Manifestations Of the spirit tnat
dwells In us.
A man may lose his job. his
money, his wife. and his top-hairs
but not until he loses his en-
fhuaia ans does he divorce from
that best OF all gifts OF the code
Eternal Youth!
The best asset man can have
in life 10 q good, sensible wife VINO
has more common sense than any
thing else.
The language OF the heart is the
common language Of the world.
Qualities that most men hate:
Sophistfcation, absurd convention:
| aifties, and an unlettered ana
| opinionated woman. i. 3. \.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28
WAS SHE A RARITY?

She had good common sense,
But naturally wanted q mate,
And 30 when Ben began to call,
And give her the old. old stall.
She smggested that he walt.
Often Ben told her .Of his love,
And his vows were quite thIiIlings
Yet che didn't cave In too quick;
In fact it made her somewhat sick,
At his constant cooing and billing.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

WHAT'S THE ANSWERe
Ha fellow proposes and his
sweetheart says IN write y0M my
answer tomorrow, ana she sends
him 3 refusal, written On mourn.
ing stationery, h sll0 guilty %
ssblaCk malI?"
JULES BACKEr1HEnEER.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

He told her she was his only only, y
That for her nothing would he shirk.
Sc che told him she wouldn't his love
II he'd no ahead and get himself
o lob,
And show that for her he could work!
OKLAHOMA PETE.
The Washington times., 1923-01-28

The language OF the heart is the
common language Of the world.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
FLORA

melvin Spease and family and Earl
Spease and mother were at the ]. c.
Edglngton home last week. The lat
ter remaining for a few days.
waiter Zeigler of Cumberland, Wis
consln, spent few days at the ]. c.
Edglngton' home the last of the week.
virgil Snyder is at the John Taylor
home near Beetown.
Clinton Budworth and children and
mother, and Cal. Irish and daughter,
were the guests of Homer Irish and
wife Sunday
Miss Lila Mclean and Harley Pohle
and family were at Ervie Edwards
home Sunday.
Will Garthwaite and family were at
the Jim Garthwaite home Sunday.
Lester Snyder and family attended
picnic at the river Sunday.
Elder j. w. Peterson of Indepen-
dence, Iowa, will speak here next
Thursday evening.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
LIVINGSTON

Chas. Benton of Boiceville, has been
visiting his sisters, Miss Anna and
Mrs. Lizzie Wilkins.
Ralph Biddick has accepted po-
sition as principal of the Mt. Hope
graded school, and Eugene Biddick
has secured the Ontario principalship.
Walter Jones of Cuba City, and
and family, were welcome visitors at
camp meeting.
The stock pavilion is being repair
ed and will be most useful for the
community doings.
The Free Methodist camp meeting
began June 13 and closes the Goth.
Visiting ministers were = Rev. F. F.
Wolf, Rev. E. A. Lathrop Of West
Kansas; Rev Calkins of Rockford;
Richard earn of; New York, and o. G.
Jones of Platteville:
Halbert Miller and bride of Dubu-
que, visited at the C. w. Waring home
the middle of the week.
Among those who went to Glen
Park Sunday were c. w. Waring and
family. Arch E. Rundell aud family,
Cecil Joint, and Clarence Biddick.
Two car loads Of oil on the street,
and a car of gravel to cover it with
puts an end to dust. '~.t
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
POT0S| EVENTS
General Items of Interest
Gathered by Our Special
Correspondent.

Mr. and Mrs. John Schumacher, will
remove from Potosi Wednesday and
will go to Excelsior Springs, Mo-, TO
make their future home. We are in
formed that Mr.. Schumacher has pur-
chased a pavilion at the Springs.
Knowing John almost from infancy,
we are sorry that he is moving from
his native place and taking up his
abode elsewhere, but with the ways
of the world, the best of friends must
part.
Mrs. Ben Louthain and children CT
Milwaukee, were guests at the home
of j. P. OFT Tuesday.
Sam Thomas was removed from his
home in Potosi last Tuesday and
taken to Doolittle's hospital in Lam
caster, to receive more attentive
medical treatment. Sans friends
sincerely hope that he may be bene
fitted thereby.
Carl Schumacher has purchased
half interest in the Les Roth oil de-
livery truck and thereby becomes Mr..
Roths assistant IN making deliveries
for the Potosi Oil Co.
Another merchant prince has ar
rived in the world, and like all others
who entered the world had no clothes
on. In other words, baby boy came
to bless the home of ~. and Mrs.
Joseph F. Walsh in Tennyson, Thurs
day night, June 18th. Joe believes in
maintaining the population of the
country, and has the congratulations
of the Herald. He and his estimable
wife now have an interesting family
of four sons and a daughter.
PT1I-z Il
Schwab at his farm south of Potosi
last Thursday evening, was largely
attended. Seventy-6ve dance tickets
were sold and everyone in attendance
had an enjoyable time.
Thomas ]. Mccarthy, after attend
ing to business affairs for two or
three weeks at Bellevue, Iowa, his
former home, has returned to Potosi.
Mrs. P. j. Stelpflug is taking treat
ment for appendicitis and troubles OF
the rectum, from DR.. F. ]. Stirn, Du-
buque practitioner on chronic diseases.
The chautauqua came and is gone
I'D the line The weather was fine
during it's four days and nights stand,
and large crowds attended each en-
tertainment. Business was practical
ly suspended in the village during the
show hours.
Clarence Stelpfug, son of Mr.. and
Mrs. P. J. Stelpfiug, fell from horse
a few days ago and sustained the
fracture of an arm.
Many from Potosi and vicinity mo-
tored to Prairie du CHEN Sunday and
took in the big celebration OF the
250th anniversary of the discovery OF
the Mississippi river.
The game of baseball played in
East Dubuque Sunday between the
East Dubuque and Potosi clubs re-
suited in the defeat of the Potosi team
by a score of 10 to 7.
Mr.. and Mrs. ]. P. Pluemer and MI.
and Mrs. William Pluemer of Tenny-
| son, attended the funeral of their
aunt, Mrs. John B. Ortcheid, at Cass-
vile last Wednesday.
John Ehlen, Jr, only son and child
of Mr.. and Mrs. John Ehlen met with
almost instant death Sunday forenoon
| by attempting to board moving train
at Savanna, III.
Mrs. E. t. Webb and daughter,
Helen. were among the shoppers in
| Dubuque Saturday.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
MOUNT HOPE

There was a large crowd out to r.
N. A. picnic, which was held at the
park at Fennimore, Saturday, and all
report fine time.
There was a social hop at the Oak
lev Leighton home last Thursday
night. VIM. Plimpton and L. E. Viii
kinson furnished the music.
Quite a few baseball fans went TO
Lancaster last Friday to see the
House of David and Lancaster play
Kit Davis has company visiting her
from Buffalo, n. Y,
Miss Dorothy McChiskey is spend
ing her vacation in Bennington
Quite few people around here are
kent busy at Lancaster to: Sbe"& wit
nesses at the Wolf and Davis trial. :,
The strawberry season is~now on
and some report some fine berries -.
The chautauquasI! are:.l.% SO 50 thick
around thatpeoopie IT known " wh1eh !.
directionlta &C., ~. '.,..t -.
JoIln 0osfdik was business caller
III Dubuque Sunday. =,
.onite a. few people went to Pra. du
CHEN Sunday to see; and hear, tne. pro.
gram on the discovery Of the Mississ-
inpi $50 YearsGago. 49,. -.s.a u
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
BEETOWN
Alma Edv

A card received from our former
teacher, Hazel Hillary, telling of her
wonderful trip to Washington and
from there to Norfolk Va, where she
is having a fine time.
Robert Muldoon of Cassville, was a
caller in town last Monday, enroute
to Cassville. He had been visiting his
brother, Joe, and family.
Oliver Noble of Glen Haven, was
Tuesday caller.
DR.. Blackburn is in charge Of the
Leadbury family who have dlphtheria.
Mrs. Fred Foster visited Wednes-
day at Clyde Duncan's.
Mrs Belle Better of Lancaster, was
a Thursday caller.
VIM. Smith left this week to visit
his sister in Iowa.
Mrs. Carrie Sheppard of Platteville,
spent Saturday night and Sunday at
the George Thorp home. Also Miss
Marie NARROW of Lancaster, was a
guest there.
Lee Rogers and wife were callers
in town Saturday night.
Lee Garner and wife of Burton, Wis
tied Sunday at Toay Gamers.
The opening dance in Bruins hall
was well attended Saturday night.
The show put on here the past week
was a success in every way. 1t was
a good clean show and gave good sat
isfaction. Various prizes were given
and Marguerite Clifton won the prize
for the popular lady and Mrs. Ethel
Birch won the pig in the pig race.
George Marks and wife of Lancas-
ter, ate Sunday dinner at George
! Thorpe's.
DR.. Cunningham of Platteville,
made a professional call here Sun
day.
VIM. Mackey of Bloomington, was a
Thursday caller.
A large crowd was entertained at
the George Houghton home Thursday
at Aid Society. Next regular meeting
will be at Lancaster with Mrs. B. D.
Smith, and dinner served by all mem
berseeOf. the Society living at Lancas-
ter. .
. Mr.. Murray and wife left Friday
for their home, in Dubuque, after a
two weeks vacation here. Elma
Brun] and Eula1i, Kitto accompanied
them. home and returned Saturday.
|. Frank Vincent Of ''Galena, was q
Friday caller here. - n
Mr.. Landschulz of Dubuque, trans
acted business here Thursday.
Lynn and Lightcap, the Delco light
men from Hazel Green, looked after
business here several days the past
week. - -
e. L. Auel and wife, ard Mrs. Tom
Hall motored to .Plattevifle Friday.
The ~Pascoe families had "a picnic at
Harry Pascoe's Sunday.
/ Adolph Kimbal and wife.entertain-
ed a number of frienhs Sunday.
!. Large quantities of ripe straw
berries are on the market this week.
Ed Gardiner and wife of Cobb, mo-
tored here Sunday.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1923-06-20
CASSVILLE

Messrs. and Mesdames o. Failing
and Joe Bernhard motored to Mill
vile, iowa, Sunday.
A. j. DIETRICH met with an accident
while at work in the canning factory
of which he is foreman, which sever
ed one finger and others were badly
cut.
Miss Agnes West returned from
Dubuque Saturday.
Mrs J. H. Neis and daughter, Vir-
ginia, expect to leave for their home
at Wattertown, S, D., after an ex-
tended visit with relatives.
Mrs. Art Bennett and children
went to- Pra. du Chen Saturday.
Jos. Bossert returned from Hins-
dale, III, Friday, accompanied by Mr..
and Mrs. J. U. letters and babe, Wal
ter, and the nurse, Miss Beda Bings-
ten. Mr.. LETTERS returned Sunday.
The others will remain for a longer
visit.
Mr.. and Mrs. Arch Kirschbaum are
the parents of a son born Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. John HarVille return
ed from a visit in Chicago Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs Geo. Groom visited at
caster, one day last week.
Mrs. E. G.. Kuenster went to Gut
tenberg Sunday for visit.
Henry Wagner of Chicago, is spend
ing his vacation at the home Of Julius
and Freda Kleinpell.
Rev. P. ]. Jones is spending a
couple IF weeks with relatives in Chi
cago and Milwaukee.