Evening star., 1923-06-27

10 nave 'an elephant on his hands"
has long been taken as a serious pre-
dtcament for any man. 1t indicates
that he is burdened with imm"asu
able expense. But what's an elephant
compared with some folks?
A keeper of an elephants cafeteria
at the Zoo says the average elephant
eats 100 pounds of hay, a few loaves
of bread (and bread cents a pound),
and some delicate dessert, such as
oatmeal, unground and uncooked-au
nature1, as it were. All that ration
costs about 81 a day. One can feed
three men for less than one elephant
but 1t is just like 1t was when a
Scotchman twitted Dr. Johnson that
in Scotland they fed oats to horses
and In England to men, and the
grouchy DR.. Johnson snorted back
And where but in Scotland will you
find such horses, and in England such
men?"
, The chef of the Zoo cafeteria also
reports that sea lion eats more
than do two elephants--eyen $2l0
worth daily. That fact is remindful
of how much Y w. C. A. young
lady requires, according to the bud
get published last Sunday For
board, $500" Now, an elephant boards
for 1866 a year sea lion for $766.5O,
so a young lady comes between an
elephant and a sea lion. Some men
can afford an elephant who stagger
at matrimony.
II the Y. W. c. A would start a
class to study the anaconda boa con-
strictor, the high cost of living would
not so seriously impede matrimonial
campaigns
A healthy boa constructor, although
not scientifically reducing" comes to
the tabla only once in six weeks
The host asks whether he prefers the
light or dark meat Of the chicken or
duck. and he answers, with diffidence,
Both. If you please" and swallows
the whole fowl. Then he undresses
and sleeps another six weeks His
six weeks board costs only s1.25, for
he INDUCES in no side dishes and
seldom tips the waiter
The boa constructor has another
model habit. Go to the boa constric-
tor, young ladies': consider his ways
and be wise A boa constructor does
not dress for dinner" but after din
ner he sheds his garments and dreams
for six weeks. By that time styles
have changed, and he appears in a
brand-new trousseau. A young lady
who "has nothing to wear" would
save money If she. too, rested six
weeks between costumes.
7
The Coal Commission differs from
coal mine owners as to the proper
value of unmined coal in the ground
The owners say it is worth S2.4O a
ton, while the commission says it is
worth only 10 cents ton. Practical
ly everything has a value only ac-
cording to the labor required to con-
vert it to human use. This is not
literally the case. but it comes pretty
near being the rule. The commission
evidently follows that rule, with a
margin covering the historical labor
or seeking out the vein. Nitrogen is
extracted from air, and after an ex-
pensive operation in the process of
extraction, 1t becomes valuable
nitrate fertilizer. AS such it pro-
duces food for the sustenance of men.
What is the intrinsic value per ton
OF the raw material. nitrogen, before
1t is mined" out of the air?
The breathing Of vegetation is
what has put nitrogen into the air;
it Is the product of the ages. The
chemical changes of vegetation
stored coal in the ground. 1t, too, is
the product OF the ages. What diff
ference is there in commercial status
between the stored nitrogen, floating
above, and the stored coal lying inert
beneath us? Some socialist may de-
Velop sermon out of the storehouses
of nature.
X X X *
The United Mine Workers of Amer
lea are charged with persistent inter-
ference with the unlocking of the
storehouses Of coal, as if they had a
right to say how much the people of