davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Crooked Work.

Hale-How did you get that sty
on your eye?
Hardy-I had a necking party
with a crosseyed girl the other
night.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
A Matter of Necessity.

Hale-Is your friend Wilkins in
favor of disarmament?
-Hardy-Yes, very much. He
wants to sell his shotgun so he
can pay his rent.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Dead Men Tell No Tales.

The prohibition officials are OBJ
jecting because bootleg whiskey is
smuggied in automobile hearses'
but what could be more appro-
pirate?
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Careers.

When Jimmy Jackson was a kid,
Reading books was all he did,
While his classmate, Ludwig Long,
Hung out with the gas-house gang.
But when some twenty years had
passed,
Fate set them in a different ca st.;
Ludwig's rich from writing books
While Jim stands ace-high with
the crooks.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
1T SEEMS THAT

Paradoxical as it may sound
some folk will never be able
to find themselves because
they're too self-seeking.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Every Day, in Every Way,
A scientist says that a mans
skill is even more highly de-
Veloped in his descendants. Ac-
cording to this, Babe Ruth's
grandson ought to be a mighty
sweet ball player when he grows
up.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Since lot of fellows found out
q girl doesn't accept a proposal
the first time, they tried it out,
but how were they to know the
girls suddenly would change their
tactics and accept them right
away?
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
By Nat N. DOrfman.

70 man can be a hero to
IN his wife, because she,
- knows the bluff heroes are
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

A lot of husbands are full of
good ideas, yet most of them fail
when it comes to thinking up
good alibis to hand the wife.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Have aS1nlle
| With Us

With Us |
By Nat N. DOrfman.
40 man can be hero to
III his wife, because she
! ~ knows the bluff heroes are
made Of.
Faith is a great thing, and
we'll say the women whose eve
ming gowns are held up by deli
cate strap have a world of it.
Nobody seems to know much
about the Chester grant except
Ing the fact that it's occupying
too much newspaper space:
Hysterical Note.
A snake tempted Eve, and If
: snakes were at all plentiful
around town today lot of
thirsty individuals would be
tempted, too!
= The only time a man can win
an argument with woman is
g when the judge hands down the
decision in his favor.
Just to show how little he cares
for danger, one of the aviators
who flew across the continent in
one hop got married Immediately
upon his safe arrival.
RADIO bugs READ THEIR
NEWSPAPERS nowadays the
way THEY READ the list Of
sending Stations.
The something new under the
sun has been discovered at last.
A wife in Idaho testified before
the courts she believed every ex-
cuse her husband gave her.
Signs Of the Times.
When a lot Of clubwomen at" a
gathering gossip enthusiastically
it's a sign some of the members
haven't shown up yet.
> When a married man exhibits
q lot of interest in where some
Of his bachelor cronies hang out,
it's a sign his wife's about to go
to the country for the annual va
+ cation.
When boy begins to wash his
neck, it's a sign the next-door
/. neighbor who has just moved in
has a little girl about his age.
Phil Ossify Says:
Vacation literature is written
in such a compelling manner
these days, even the summer no.
tel proprietors are falling for it
and are taking vacations at the
winter resorts.
A lot of husbands are full of
good ideas, yet most of them fail
when it comes to thinking up
good alibis to hand the wife.
A New Yorker in a small New
England town went to a telephone
to call a local number and got
it in an instant. He found later
that the number he was calling
was the only other telephone in
town!
Since a lot of fellows found out
q girl doesn't accept a proposal
the first time, they tried it out,
but how were they to know the
girls suddenly would change their
tactics and accept them right
away?
LOOK OUT FOR
Splinters when you slide down
the banisters.
A divorce when your wife opens
the mornings mail.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Phil Ossify Says:

:. FMu USSIIy says:
Vacation literature is written
in such a compelling manner
these days, even the summer no.
tel proprietors are falling for it
and are taking vacations at the
winter resorts.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

A New Yorker in a small New
England town went to a telephone
to call a local number and got
1t in an instant. He found later
that the number he was calling
was the only other telephone in
town!
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Faith is great thing, and
we'll say the women whose eve
ming gowns are held up by deli
cate strap have a world of it.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28
Signs of the Tinles.

When lot of clubwomen at" a
gathering gossip enthusiastically,
it's a sign some of the members
haven't shown up yet.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

: When a married man exhibits
q lot of interest in where some
, Of his bachelor cronies hang out,
it's a sign his wife's about to go
to the country for the annual va
Z cation.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Nobody seems to know much
about the Chester grant except
ing the fact that it's occupying
too much newspaper space.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

When boy begins to wash his
neck, it's a sign the next-door
!. neighbor who has just moved in
has a little girl about his age.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

The only time a man can win
an argument with woman is
when the judge hands down the
decision in his favor.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Hysterical Note.
A snake tempted Eve, and IL
snakes were at all plentiful
around town today a lot Of
thirsty individuals would be
tempted, too!
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

The something new under the
sun has been discovered at last.
A wife in Idaho testified before
the courts she believed every ex-
cuse her husband gave her.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

RADIO bugs READ THEIR
NEWSPAPERS nowadays the
way THEY READ the list of
sending Stations.
The Washington times., 1923-05-28

Just to show how little he cares
for danger, one Of the aviators
who flew across the continent in
one hop got married Immediately
upon his safe arrival.
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29
Mice Gum Up Power Plant, Cat Eats
 Them, But Pays Dear For Appetite

LINCOLN, Eng, March 29. - Like the good people of Hamelin, where the oft-told story of the Pied Piper originated, the inhabitants of this sleepy agricultural town are wonder ing when they shall be rid of a plague of mice that is infesting their power station-and when they shall be able to be sure that their electric light will not suddenly fail.
 Recently the electric light of the town failed for over two hours Sub sequently Investigations revealed that four mice had somehow got into the power station machinery, established circuit by nibbling through the rubber insulation, and so plunging shops, offices and private residences into darkness.
 Nobody protested, and the power was resumed. But two days later the lights again failed and two more withered and scorched furry bodies
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29

QUEER PARADOX IS SEEN IN C0NTANTIN0PLE, GOVERNED
 BY ANAT0LLAN FARMERS

been built by the British. Again they were sadly alarmed and asked: "If the British hear we are in The Tunnel won't they make it fall in and crush us?"
 Scarcely Qualified
 Honest fellows, no doubt, and in spired by a tremendous zeal for their nation and their faith, but hardly suited to legislate for a great Westernized community. Their pro- gram includes the speedy and total abolition of alcohol, the erection of an unclimbable tariff wall and the compulsory employment in banks, and all other public institutions, not only of the Turkish language, but also of 75 per cent Turkish staff. Even ately about Constantinople of the future that will be as moribund as Moscow is today.
 The best solution probably would be to make the Anatolian town of Brussa serve as the political capital of self-contained Turkey which would be as exclusive in it's nation alism as it found convenient, while Constantinople would be left with large measure of autonomy in order to carry on business with the outer world.
 Young Turks Idea
 This would be the sort of solu- tion favored by the Young Turks, whose party is bound to come to the fore again directly European in tervention ceases.
 Constantinople would of course, remain the seat of the Turkish Cali phate, probably remodeled, now that it has been stripped of temporal power, somewhat on the lines of the Papacy Maintenance of the inter- national character of the city, rather than emphasis of it's nationality would help forward this ambition. But for the moment the Innocents Abroad are in power.
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29

CONSTANTINOPLE, March 29.-I asked a cultivated Turk the other day how long Constantinople, the proud, cosmopolitan city at the gates of Europe, with a million inhabitants and immense wealth, would be con- tent to be run by Angora, small Asiatic town at the back of the be- yond.
 You will remember" was his re- ply, that Mahomet was wise enough to go the mountain. Constantinople is the mountain of Turkey, and An gora will accept the Prophets wis dom"
 But not I fancy without a struggle Constantinople may even have to pass through the valley of the Ter TOT before she is able to shake her self free from the fanatical grip of the Anatolian farmers, who, through their army, control Turkish policy. A numD6r or the uepuIleS lO tuC National Assembly can neither read nor write, and a still larger number have never been outside Asia Minor. They necessarily have the crudest ideas about this mountain" on the Golden Horn.
 Rulers UnenIightened
 For example, of the sixteen dele gates, specially chosen on the ground of some distinction or other, whom I saw at the Old Seraglio, presenting the Assembly's decree of election to Caliph Abdul Medjid, five had never before been to the Turkish capital. Two of these five had never heard of Pera, and when, in the course of their sight seeing they were told that that was where most of the well-to-do Christians lived, they ex- claimed: "Oh, don't take us there, or we shall be murdered!"
 To reach Pera from Galata Bridge YOU use sort of lifttramway known as '"Tke Tunnel' The Angora M. P.'s were informed that The Tunnel had
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29
FIRST REGULAR CHOP SUEY
 HOUSE STARTED IN CHINA

chop suey palaces in San Francisco.
 The gold d-and-red lacquer sign over the door reads: Real American Chop Suey Sold Here"
 "Eddie" in his travels has learned to make chop suey, and he will teach his No. 1 cook the secret. But says Eddie, if he cannot get the real American chop suey flavor he will send to San Francisco and import Chinese cook from one of the very best Chinatown restaurants.
 There are certain sights that every tourist must see and certain things he must do while in the Orient, or all of his friends "back home" will be more or less doubtful as to his really having been in China.
 He must see the Great Wall. be captured by a bandit, or at least nearly captured, peep into an opium den, weep in sympathy for the wo- man with bound feet, ride in rick sha and eat chop suey.
 Some of these feats are possible and some of them are not. But, thanks to Eddie" the tourist and the foreign residents who cultivate a taste for chop suey in New York and San Francisco Chinatowns, will not be disappointed as to the chop suey feature of their program of things to do in China"
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29

SHANGHAI, March 29. - Extra the first real American chop suey house in China has been opened in Shanghai by Eddie" formerly a Chinese cook in the United States Navy.
 Tourists, fed up on fiction tales about Fair Cathay, and having seen plenty of chop suey restaurants ill San Francisco betore sailing, de- mand chop suey when they go to a Chinese feast in China.
 Course after course is brought often from 40 to 50-but the expec- tant tourists wait in vain for the Chinese boys to bring on the chop suey.
 There are shark fins, bird nest soup, roasted pork and chestnuts, Eight Precious Things Pudding, Man darin duck, hundred year eggs, bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, white cabbage, pigeon-egg soup-dish after dish-but no chop suey.
 For, so far as we can find out, chop suey is an American dish rather than a Chinese one.
 So great is the demand for chop suey by American tourists, how ever, that "Eddie," one of the clever est Chinese huSiness men in town, has opened a gorgeous restaurant patterened after those picturesque
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29

were found entwined in the intricate rotary machinery.
 Then the shopkeepers protested, and large and hungry mouser was introduced into the station. For while the cat held it's own; in fact, it held it's own so well that the mice began it disappear and the cat be- gan to have difficulty in finding it's daily meal and began to investigate among the machinery for concealed rodents. There was a screech, a vision of flying fur, and Lincoln was once again without light.
 It is now rumored that the mayor is looking for a modern Pied Piper
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29
Feed Your 
 DON'T DRUG IT

vo, Your & diet is your health. Don't starve will supply the lacking essential VITA your system. DRUGS CANNOT CURE YOU. They will make your case more advanced and more difficult to conquer
 Our MINERAL, SALT TREATMENT SULPHATES, CHLORIDES, CALCIUM, SODIUM, etc, in a concentrated OR GANG form It is PERFECT BLOOD sTIMULANT without alcohol, a NERVE SEDATIVE without narcotics, a LIVER 1NV1GORATOR and BLOOD PURIFIER. a REVITALTZER and REGENERATOR in all common cases while the PHOENIX CTTRE is essential in the inveterate We treat practically all all ailments and
 beow and ma d f us 0" at hs thee for FREE LITERATURE and ADVICE for your particular case.
 YoGHURT HEALTH LABORATORIES Dept. 5, So. eeIlngham. Wash.
 Mail me without obligation on my part FREE Treatise on Disease as marked by an X in list below:
 Anaemia Diabetes Piles
 Arterio Fmaciation Rectal
 Sclerosis Epilepsy Disease Asthmas Goitre Rheumatism Bladder Heart Disease Skin Disease nronehitis saatG 11hH'eH'" RianeH S!0meaS Disease Cancer Disease Tumors Catarrh Liver Disease Or ..... Constipation Neurathenia
 Consumption Paralysis
 Also serd fe (free> complete informa- tiOn about Yoghurt Temple of Health Name - .. street ToWn State .......... .. -
 Al McLaren of Cordova, says: "Your treatment has made a new man of me, it has done me so much good I can hardly express it in words My suffer- ings were terrible, my kidneys has been bleeding for over four months before I started your treatment ] was so weak could hardly walk a block. I also had stomach trouble, my intenstines were in bad condition I am now feeling fine, my sufferings are all gone. l can now do a hard days work with no pain or ache. My friends are all surprised to see me looking and feeling so well. must say your mineral salts have been a God send to me. Thanking you for the great relief I have received from them I remain, Gratefully
 (Signed> AT. McLAREN.
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29
BRITISH MINES AGAIN NORMAL

LONDON, March 29. - During the last three months of 1922 English mines produced 67,750,OO0 tons of coal, an amount which has not been equalled since 1913.
The Cordova daily times., 1923-03-29

Send us your job printing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-11-25

Commissioner Charles Caldwell Mo- Chord, formerly chairman of the com mission, and Mrs. McChord. Capt. aud
 Mrs. Charles Crittenden Calhoun.
 Tennessee: Associate Justice Jer- nings Bailey of the supreme court
 of the District of Columbia, and Mrs.
 Bailey, MT. and Mrs. Marshall Norgau. District of Columbia: Mir. ard Mrs. Henry E. Davis, Dr. and Mrs. stewart B. Muucaster, Fred A. Emery, Mss Ina Capitola Emery.
 The society, with a membership
 approximating a thousand, is the
 largest organization of it's kind at the national capital. It's entertain ments have always been features in the winter social season at Washing ton, with a long list of distinguished occasions when famous figures in international affairs have 2een its special guests. Its vision is broad
 It's purpose primarily to promote friendly relations among the people of the south wherever located, tp perpetuate southern traditions and to Eintensify the worthiness 3f the south
 to high place in the hearts of Its people without lessening the broad patriotism that makes them loyal to the entire country and heipfuI mem
 bers of the common federation of humanity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-11-25
.Hutton-Key Wedding
 At West End

A pretty wedding solemnized Wednesday evening at o'clock was that of Miss Gertrude Key and MT. Samuel L. Hutton, at the home of the brides parents, MT. and Mrs. John W. Key, in West End. pr. J. A. Bryant performing the impressive ring sere- mony. Miss Ella Walker sang T Love You Truly" The house was beau tifully decorated in ferns and chrys- anthemums, of which an altar was formed also.
 The bride was Becoming fin a suit of midnight blue, with accessories Of gray, wearing a corsage of bride roses and lilies of the valley. She was given In marriage by her brother, ". C. Key, and her sister, Mrs. J. H. King served as matron of honor, wearing brown Canton crepe heavily beaded. Little Josephine Key niece of the bride, dressed in pink georgette, car ried the ring on a satin pillow.
 MT. Judson Hutton. brother of the groom, served as best man.
 Imm ediately after the ceremony the bride and groom left for Chattanooga and other points, afterk which they will be at home In West End.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-11-25

Helen H. Gardener. civil service com missioner; MT. c. Bascom Slemp, sec retary to the President.
 Florida: Senator and Mrs. Duncan U. Fletcher.
 West Virginia: Mir. and Mrs, Charles P. Light, Mir. and Mrs. Conrad H. Syme.
 North Carolina: Hon. and Mrs. David H. Blair, Mir. and Mrs. Robert Strange French.
 South Carolina: Mr. Daniel c. Roper, former commissioner of in- ternal revenue, and Mrs. Roper! Gov. and Mrs. Robert A. Cooper.
 Georgia: Mir, and Mrs. Claude N. Bennett, MT. and Mrs. John F. Little Mir. and Mrs. Ney1e COlquitt.
 Alabama: Maj. Gen. Frank Me Intyre, chief of the bureau of in sular affairs, and Mrs. Mcintyre, MT. and Mrs. Frank Conway.
 Mississippi: Senator and Mrs. Pat Harrison, Judge Charles Bowen Howry, supreme commander of the Army of Northern Virginia of the United Confederate Veterans, and Mrs. Howry.
 Louisiana: Maj. Gen. John Archer Lejeune, commanding the United States marine corps, and Mrs. Le- jeune.
 Texas: MT. Hapson Gary. former American minister resident in Egypt and Mrs. Gary, former United States Attorney General Thomas Watt Gregory and Mrs. Gregory.
 Arkansas: Mr. Edgar Briant Mer- ritt. assistant United States commits sioner of Indian affairs, and Mrs. Merritt.
 Missouri: Maj. Gen. and Mrs. Arthur Murray.
 Kentucky: Interstate Commerce
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-11-25
U. D. o.'s HoNORED WITH SOCIETY BALL IN WASHINGTON

l WASHINGTON, D. C.-Washington's IS social season was ushered in Wednes day evening with a brilliant levee given by the Southern society of Washington in honor of the United ] Daughters of the Confederacy in con- vention here. The reception, held at the Willard hotel. served as the na- tional capitals formal welcome to the l flower of southern womanhood from l 17 southern states including Mary land and the District of Columbia. The north and the south comingled for there were many distinguished
 guests besides those of the south. Heading the hosts and hostesses of
 the occasion was President Charles A. Douglas of the Southern society. With
 MT. and Mrs. Douglas in the receiving | line were Mir. and Mrs. Bates Warren,
 MT. and Mrs. Wade H. Cooper. MT.
 and Mrs. Charles M. Galloway, MT. and Mrs. w. Dec. Ravenel, for the society; Mrs. Livingston Rowe Schuyler of New York, president gen. eral of the United Daughters of the Confederacy. for the special guests of honor whose clans have convened here, and Mrs. Walter F. Hutton, as the district president of the United Daughters of the Confederacy, but also a member of the Southern so- ciety
 Generals of the army and marine corps, notably Major General Lejeune, commanding officer of the marine corps; Maj. Gen. Arthur Murray, Gen, Frank Mcintyre, the vteran head of the bureau of insular affairs, and d
 host of other distinguished officers
 of the services were present, either as members of the society or as
 guests. Heading the floor commit tee was Commissioner C. c. McChord of Kentucky formerly chairman of
 the interstate commerce commission.
 The visiting delegates were the spe- cial guests of honor, the pick of Dixieland's womanhood and Washing ton society, women representative of
 every set at the capital, vied in bid
 ding the daughters welcome to Wash
 ington.
 Around the reception hall were arranged state boxes, each repre- sentative of one of the r states, in
 cluding the District of Columbia and
 Maryland. Over each of these was festooned the appropriate state flag. Occupying these boxes, as the hosts and hostesses. invited to assist in extending a hearty welcome to the
 distinguished guests, were the follow ing as representative of their states and the District of Columbia:
 Maryland: MT. and Mrs. Daniel B.
 Henderson, MT, and Mrs. George Il.
 Lamar.
 Virginia: \ Mr. and Mrs. ". H. Saunders, Mrs. Samuel NJ. Meek, Mrs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-11-25
Junior League Ball And Parties GiUen
 For Debutantes


 Birmingham is represented in Chattanooga at the Junior league ball by two of her most attractive debutantes. Miss Mamie Morrow and Miss Margaret Builder. Many lovely parties are being given for these visitors as well as the brilliant Junior league ball, for which they went to Chattanooga. The Chatta- nooga Daily Times gives the fol- lowing plans:
 Plans for the Japanese ball to be given at the Golf and Country club Friday evenong have been completed and the affair promises to be one of the most elaborate and brilliant so- clal events of the early winter.
 The costumes of the queen and king and attendants will be oriental and the decorations will also be in corresponding colors.
 A feature of much interest will be the presentation of the debutantes for 1923 to the king and queen, who will in turn present them to Chatta- nooga society. The Chattanooga de- butantes are Miss Susan [ Lodor, daughter of Mrs. S. D. Lodor, and <hiSS 1dlneIlHe AltlSOH, VI Judge and Mrs. M. M. Allison. To- gether with these will be representa- tives from the Knoxville, Atlanta, Birmingham and Nashville Junior leagues. They are Miss Martha De- bow, Miss Maude Howell of Nash vile; Miss Lawson McClung Ross and Miss Margaret Lockett, popu- lar debutantes of Knoxville; Miss Catherine R. Murphy, daughter of Mir. and Mrs. John F. Murphy, and Miss Sue Bucknell, daughter of pr. and Mrs Howard Bucknell, who are num- bered among Atlanta's most attrac- tive debutantes, and Miss Morrow and Miss Margaret Builder of Bir- mingham.
 A number of lovely courtesies are being planned in compliment to the visiting girls, the first of the series being a luncheon Friday at Ashland Farms, with Mrs. z. c. Patten as hostess. Mrs. Ross and Miss Lockett will be guests honoring Miss Susan Lodor, Miss Catherine Allison, debu- tantes of the season, and Miss Law son McClung Ross and Miss Margaret Loekett, popular debutantes of Knox vile, who are house guests of Mrs. Patten and Miss Margaret Key. Debu- tantes from other southern cities, who are being entertained in the city,. having come to attend the