davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Brutes, and she had learned to Labor
and to Wait. She simply led him
into the Circle and took his Order,
and allowed him to sit there in the
Cleaning and observe how Popular
she was. All the men were scrapping
TO see who would be Next to sit in
the Hammock with her. 1t looked for
a while as If Clara would have to give
out Checks, the same as in Barber
Shop. Late that night when the Men
walked homeward together, they re-
marked that Clara was Miserable
Hostess, they didn't suppose. 49, -,
Next Evening the Treasurer of the
Shoe Factory was back on the Lawn.
SO were oil the Others. They said
there was no beating n Place where
you could have a Fairy Queen in
White come and push Cold Drinks at
you and not have to sign my Tickets.
In the meantime, the Other Girls,
out at the Summer Resorts, were do
ing the best they could with these
High School Cadets, wearing Tides
around their Hats, who would rather
go. out in Catboat and get their
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
The Old Maid Who Knew How to Play Her Cards


arms tanned than remain on Shore
and win the Honest Love Of IN
American Girl.
3 Clara's work about this time was
ever 30 Glossy. She began by ask
ing the Treasurer of the Shoe Fac.
tory to- come with her to the Refrig.
orator to get out some more I.lported
Ginger Ale. All the men Volunteer
ed to help, and two or three wanted
to Tag along, but Clara drove then
back.
2 They were gone a Long Time, be-
cause the Treasurer had to draw all
the Corks. and they Fused around
together in the Pantry fixing up a
Lunch for the Boys. Clara told him
how Strong and Handy he was, un-
til he felt an increase in his Chest
Measurement.
On successive evenings she had
the Treasurer supervise all the Ar
rangements. The Hired Girl had
every Evening off, because it was
so much more Jolly to 60 out and run
the place yourself. In less than a
Week the Treasurer was giving Or.
ders around the House. She would
get him back to the Kitchen and
tie an Apron around him and ask him
what she should do next. She, made
him out to be the Only One who
could be Trusted. The others were
Company, but he was like one of the
Family. And although he was. being
Worked like Creamery Butter, he
never Suspected.
Her Game was to Domesticate him
in Advance, and let him have q
foretaste of what it Is to be Boss
of your own House. The Pantry was
full Of Home Delicacies such as he
couldn't get at the Hotel, and the
Service was the best ever.
Feared the Competition. y
1t didn't take him long to realize
that he was missing lot by remain
ing Single. He wondered why he
had been so slow in getting on to
Clara's Good Points. Also he won
dered if it was any opcn-and-shut
Certainty when q dozen other Men,
some of them : Younger and more
Gallus, were after her in Full Cry.
Clara had him pulled in. strung
and hung over the side Of the Boat.
OF course IL all the other Girls
hou DcVh ia 1OhH, tHey WOuiu tuuNe
tumbled long before it ran into a
Certainty, and probably they would
have rushed in to break up the Play.
But the other Girls were far away
with the Old Men and the Seminary
Striplings.,
Clara had an Open Field, with no
need of any Interfering or Blocking,
and If she fell down it was her own
Fault. Besides, she had all these
other Admirers set out as Decoys to
prove that if he didn't, somebody
else might.
" The Treasurer of the Shoe Fac
tory got n large Rally on himself, and
she had to give in and make a
Promise. Is,
He loves to tell Callers bow he
proposed to his Wife in the Kitchen
and he doesn't know to this Day
that she was expecting it. &
I Moral: As soon as he begins to
Frequent the Back Rooms OF the
House, measure him for the Har.
ness.
Copyright. 1928. by the Bell Syndicate.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
A Noisy Sunset

Z. D. Sullivan. one of the opern
tors of Hotel Columbus. heard OF .
young man who recently came over
from ireland as part of the "Ould
.Sods" quota. Soon after he reached
Columbus. relative took him 10 Nei
Park TO introduce him to American
baseball. $50
Pat was watching an extra-inning
game when suddenly the shutdown can.
non at the barracks boomSj. His mind
filled with the chance for one Of those
disturbance which occasionally roea
Ireland. Pat anxiously asked: tom
my Tommy. what's thot?"
The relative. intent on the game
growled back: suns gone. down."
Pat. bewildered. stared a momen,
and then said: Tommy. she goes
down with n bang here, don't she -
Columbus Dispatch. - = ~.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Ninethly. when they was a conven.
ton out there in 1920. why one day a
delegate at large and n accredited
delegate got up and give Irwin Cobb
and l IL votes and personly ! got
a IL vote from a delegate at large
which shows TINT in a place like San
Francisco, even delegates at large
uses their head once in a vile. What
president Mr.. Cobb would be and
when / say that l am not talking
about myself.
As to Auto Manufacturers.
Those is some Of the reasons why
/ would like TO have the next demo.
cratic convention held in San Fran.
cisco and further and more they tel
me that man named Henry Ford is
libel TO be candidate for presiden,
on the next democratic ticket IL any
and / want TO say this namely that
If any manufacturers Of automobile.
is nominated on q ticket nominated in
San Francisco. why it will be til,
manufacturer of car that has got q
first speed going up hill or a good
brake to leave you down easy off ,
hill which if the convention. was IN
y. Y. they might nominate a person
entirely different as everything II
y. Y. is on the level which I near
from the standpoint of driveing Z
car and not politics.
So all and nll friends leave us have
the next democratic convention in
San Francisco II theys going to BIZ
one and another reason Is that al
the boys tells me that the convention
hall where they held it the last time
is beautiful place and I was on;
there to cover it and nm still wonder
ing what does il look like.
Copyright. 1923. bv the Bell Syndicate.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
lO1nn
: -. - 'ssi.ssss-fr -
Slime
,<S,ays
z

Fire losses increase. Insurance may
go up. All this In spite Of celluloid
collars going out.
Today's plan for universal peace !:
Burn the monographs. 3.
If Babe Ruth and Cy Williams in
tend to keep knocking home runs they
ought to hire caddies.
Philippines want freedom from us.
Sorry, We haven't any.
Good news from Hollywood. Movie
stars consider divorce much more hu-
mare than shooting.
What officials call q bootleg direc-
tory in New York may turn out to
be city directory.
Shoe men are happy. Fall trade is
booming. We will need the shoe
for hunting coal.
Spokane couple stayed married 40
years before he was shot.
Pershing advises girls to marry SOL
diers. We don't. Soldiers get up at
o'clock.
Chicago man has forgotten who he
Is. Which is nothing. Most men
away from home do that. %
Some foolish fellow swan Lake Erie
with nothing after him.
Five Scottish church men say they
couldn't find a drink in New York.
You have to pay first.
Spoon dated 1744 was plowed up
near Berryville. Va. proving they
had picnics in those days.
DR.. Koo is China's new minister
of foreign affairs. 1t is liable to
run koo Kookoo.
Harvard professor tells how TO keen
from being hit by lightning. Best
way is tell the truth.
Dayton (O.) man has invented a
ccyclepane: 1t carries only one TO be
killed or injured.
Cincinnati judge complimented n
woman on shooting her husband. She
only did what others do.
Hunt the brighter things. Canta-
loupes would cost more if the. were
as big as watermelons
Many will be sorry to learn a re-
former says he enjoys life.
Horse ran away in Dallas Texas.
How quaint and old fashioned.
Canadian. BANKERS offer $40 OQ0 for
Tx robbers. Ought to get at lsnst
dozen for that.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
A Tin Can Elegy

The klaxon sounds the knell of parting
day. II :
Some late arrivals through the dust
.. clouds creep.
And three hours after we have hit thu
hay Be-.
The noise Gains down so we can gel
to sleep.
Save where. from yonder pennant-clad
sedan. fF
The radio set emits its raucous
squeal.
And. underneath a near by light, q
man
Pounds until daylight on n busted
wheel.
Beneath those tattered tops, those
patent tents,
Where fails the dust into each sun
burned pore,
Each on his folding bed of slight ex.
pensc,
The rude explorers Of the highway
snorc, Ff
Let not, ambition mock their creaky
- cars, -ff
Their khaki. clothes, of vintages OBJ.
scure. @
Nor grandeur view, with ,hauteur like
8 a cars. sa.
The short and simple flivvers Of
the poor.
The boast of shiny paint, the pomp Of
-a power.
And all that charms the motoristic
fop.
Await alike the inevitable hour
The paths of touring lead but ia
the shop.
Can streamline hood or silver-platcd
hubs
Back to its mansion call the miss.
ing spark?
Can plush upholstery foil the clumsy
dubs
Who bang into your tenders in the
dark?
Full many boob Of purest ray serene
Succumbs each summer to the tour
ing itch:
Full many car is doomed TO blush
unseen.
And waste its sweetness in a west
crn ditch.
The Spokane Spokesman-Review.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

conferences and then they wouldn'
break up in row.
To my way of thinking it is a subtli
tragedy threatening America when it.
people can't publicly sing and dane,
when the band pla,S.
In Wise New York.
In New York to follow banj
stamps You with the indelible brand
OF a lout. an oaf or a yokel. You ar,
almost supposed not to even listen tc
it: what do these wise New Yorker:
suppose the band is playing for?
Every man at some time in life
has his dream of going back home
the condueror He may have won high
success as a merchant. writer, artist
or fighter. But tucked away in the
corner Of his brain is the idea tina,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Once upon a Time there was a
Lovely and Deserving Girl named
Clara, who was getting so near
Thirty that she didn't want to Talk
about IL. Everybody had a Good
Word for her. 1t was hard 10 under
stand why she hadn't been grabbed
off. Other Girls not as Good Look
ing or Accomplished had been seized
while they were Buds. Already some
of them were beginning to act as
Chaperons for Clara.
They were keeping Tab on Clara's
Age, too. and began to think that
she would land on the Bargain Count
er. and have TO be satisfied with a
Widower who wore Toupee and
dyed his Eyebrows.
Clara was somewhat of Mind
Reader. She knew that the Friends
of her Youth were predicting a Hard
Finish for her. so she decided to
Fool them. And she knew that ii
Behooyed her to Qualify before the
Children started in TO call her
Auntie.
Now it is not to be inferred that
NluId WIS what tut
call Bad Risk. She never had been
a Drug on the Market. When she
went to n Hop she did not have to
wait for Ladies' Choice in order TO
swing into the Macy. In fact, she
had been Engaged now and then, just
for Practice, and she had received
Offers from some of the hold-over
Bachelors who went around Propos-
ing from Force of Habit. But Clara
was not out for any man who had
been turned down elsewhere. She
wanted the Right Kind. and she was
going to do the Picking herself.
Having made an Inventory of the
Possibilities, she selected the Treas
urer of the Shoe Factory, and DE-
eided that she could Love Him with
out straining herself. He was about
her age. and was almost cookbook
ing and had nifty Prospects. Tie
Competition was very keen and lie
was Wary, trying to be X nd
Friend to every Girl. but playing no
Favorites. He kept the Parcnts
guessing. He had been Expose / TO
Matrimony so often without being
taken down that he was generally ie-
garded as an Immune.
Clara's Strategy.
Clara got Busy with hersalf and
Matched a Scheme. When all the
Smart Set got ready TO pike away FOR
the Heated Term, Clara surprised
her friends by guessing that she
would remain at Home. 1t was
Merry Thing to do.
So all the Women went away TO
the Resorts with their Cameras and
Talcum Powder and Witch Hazel.
and Clara was left alone. in Town
with the Men. = %
1t is a Traditional Fact that there
is no Social Life in Town during the
Dog Days. But there is nothing to
prevent the Bright Girl from Start
ing Something.
Clara stocked up the Refrigerator
and hung n Hammock on the Lawn
with few Easy Chairs around it.
The Young Men marooned in Town
heard of the Good Thing and no one
had to tear their Garments 10 induce
them to come. They arrived at the
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

everybody that :, in n. Y. being over
came by the heat in June when tho
conventions is held.
Personly some of my best friends is
New Workers but if l was running the
democratic party l would certainly
pull for some city where theys a
breeze and maybe they could hold it
there and just have a good time and
nobody nominated.
In other wds. / am pulling for a
town named San Francisco, where the
last democratic convention was hefd
and 1t didn't do nobody no harm ex.
eept physically and no fatal harm
even that way as 1 don't know nobody
that was out there in 1920 that is dead
yet though a whole lot of them may
of thought they was when the votes
was counted.
The Writers Like to BE Away.
Now l suppose a great many per.
sons will want TO know what reasons
] got to offer for boosting San Fran
cisco as democratic convention
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
True to Types

Four seperate wrecks had cast n
four men on lonely island of tn
South Seas. There were two Scotcl
men and two Englishmen. After se'
eral years a passing steamer hove 1
and took the four aboard. Sandy an
Donald found their way to the ski
per's cabin. and in telling their exp'
riences San0ay said at would griev
YOU. mon, to see the Englishmst
Never n word did they speak all III
time they were there: they were nj
introduced" "And hoo did yp lai,
musk oot?- inquired the slSinHs
"Aye. mon. the dee I found Dora
on the beach We organized Cal
lonian society. golf club. and
Presbyterian church,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
Strike Up the Band!
By o. o. M'INTYRE.

All of US have drum major In
stinct. As we grow older we try, with
feeling somewhat akin to shame, to
suppress it. The old query: VIVA.
will people say!
never hear band marching down
the street that / do not have an I'M
comfortable impulse to fall in behind.
l want to step high, perhaps pirouette
and il possible turn q few hand
springs. And / would hand spring If
didn't creak so.
1t is a rather gruesome topic but
have thought when life on this sphere
was over I'd liie to have a spirited
band leading the procession, if any, to
the final resting place.
No dolorous funeral marches but
some zippy, popular refrain of the
day. I'd like to have the horses plumed
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
go West, Democrats"
BY RING LARDNER

To the editor:
/ don't know if my boy readers
las become aware of it or no bur
they seems to be a movement on the
foot to hold the next democratic coil
yention in y. y. city and personly
always been on the other side of the
fence and did not have no idear that
anybody was thinking Of holding an
other democratic convention rs
\ thought they had enough of them but
II seems like theys one newspaper that
is plugging for n. Y. as the next
democratic convention city and
needles TO say they have got the idea
that of the convention is held in n.
y. why another president and vice
president will be nominated to run on
the democratic ticket on acct, of
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

town. Well in the first place it helps
the railroads as the most of the
democratic candidates comes from
the far cast and when the convention
is held in what have nicknamed thu
Golden Gate. which they all got last
time. why they half to pay their fare
acTost the country and sometimes
bring their wifes along with them
which means fare and IL.
In the I'd. place they have got n
hotel in San Francisco where the
asst. mgr. comes up TO your rm. at 0
in the AM. and says here is the
latest news and you half to ask him
for corkscrew TO read it.
in the Sd place, vile | will admit
that vile a great many good political
writers lives in San Francisco, why
the most of them lives in other plnces
and the majority of political writers
would rather be away from home wile
writeing convention.
Fourthly San Francisco has got
the best cornet player in the world
and plays Mt Mr.. Tate's restaurant il
he amt left it and you have no idear
what relief n good eornet player j.
at convention.
Ring Got 1-2 Vote.
Filthy the differents in time be
tween n. Y. VS.. San Francisco is 3 ~
4 hrs. and you keep saying to your.
self what Is the use Of writeing any.
thing for n 4. Y. paper as you arc
too late and the result is you don't
write nothing and everybody is salts
fled.
Sixthly one Of the prominent citi-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

zens of San Francisco is q boy name>l
Bill Lange that use to play some posi-.
ton on the Chicago National League
Baseball club and got his job down so
fine that any time you go anywhere
in San Francisco Bill is backing UP
the play. .....
Seventhly. vile i don't like to say
it. WHY every once in or 3 hundred
yrs. they have fire in San Fran
cisco and this fire might come off
dureing the convention and several
congressmans might get burnt w
which have no idear what we would
do without them.
Eighty, by the time you have got
home from place like San Francisco.
why YOU have been on the train so
long that you look pretty good.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

and, if possible. prancing just a lit
| tic. .r t....-
1t appears to me there is entirely
too much fuss at funerals. The Grea
Adventure, after all, is much like thu
gentle opening and closing of door
| 1t should be nothing to fear.
There are. and rightly, sacred rites
to be performed yet, at the same time
lugubrious.
Rather Be SOusa Than Harvey.
Nothing to me is so inspiring as q
bang-up band. I'd rather be John
Phillip Sousa waving the baton thar
George Harvey wearing the short
pants.
Once / followed a circus band from
Odd street to the Plaza, over across
the town to Broadway, and down
Broadway to Madison Square. i saw
several other men follow for a few
blocks and then apparently overcome
by sense of deep shame sheepishly
desert.
Whey would not have deserted had
they known the real fun l had.
lived over again the days in Boy
vile. i carried water to the ele-
plants. sneaked under the tent, saw
the flying ladies of the trapeze, the
comical clowns and all the rest as
marched.
And / came home tired. hungry and
deliciously contented. Civilization is
cruel at times in its trumpeting to
conventions. Plague take it! Wig
can't fellow follow band without
lot of simps staggering? Or feeling
foolish?
A band Is the greatest throw-back
in the world to youth. I believe the
thrill a boy has when he hears his
first band never leaves him.
The excitement in my youth was
generally hysterical. I have run along
the ton of board fence madly while
band was playing-without n mis-
step. Any other time / would have
broken my neck.
In our town there used to be n
band concert in the public square each
summer Wednesday evening. While
the band played the older folk drove
around the square in carriages and
buggies. But We youngsters rolled in
the grass, climbed trees and PLAYED
leap frog. II was our weekly spree.
Convention Stops Enjoyment.
Now. in middle and old age, we
must stand like hitching posts with
our hands behind us while the band
plays. We ought to be slapping backs,
Kicking up our heels or strutting like
drum majors.
A man who has crossed the ocean
more than 200 times told me recently
the only thrill remaining was for a
band to play as the boat pulled out.
He said be slid. back to the stone
bruise age. He wanted to whoop ana
dance but. being man of staid af.
fairs. he had to stand quietly. What a
pity!
It seems to me too many people
are pleading for humanity and not
enough are tolerant with IL in the liz
tie things that go to make humanity
human.
There Is n benign hypocrisy about
permitting folk to wear white spats
and then curling the lin in sneers be-
cause they want to step high to the
rousing tune of n band.
have been investigating this lure
of the band and am amazed at the
number of tender hearted. idealistic
people who SUPPRESS their emotions
when n band begins to PLAY. tt is 40
unaccountnbIe inhibition. The funniest
man I know is Frank Won Haven. the
comedian. When he's on the stage ne
docs whnteyer suggests itself. He has
M inhibitions. Hc is the cells pomna-
cor, in comit'litv.
II 7 were r~,pir". tho npive-'s"
would have a flock Of bands at peace
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

N
tragic developments an incident he witnessed last Sunday League
"a girl who showed interest in the only when of the
players did something she thought asked
down and button her shoe with hapn
that the for the Bears made and
JUST CAN'T USED Aloysius Apricot he
scratched g bite and watched khaki knkebockeys
walk him.
YOUNG MARRIED just emerged safely from IN embar.
RAISING series of complications caused calling
nqring appointments they claimed with him.
his bride in half times his
mystery explained when he
fortune teller Of the same name was the party desired
FRYING SIZE CHICKEN loose Houston stopped traffic
at the old Bar hotel chased it and one Of them
finally caught it several boys looked eniody
NOT but we know one San Antonio business man
who knows word of Te
to sing note
MESSENGER BOY bicycle Marys
morning the new signals were nut into effect
The light getting
impatient he his bicycle bell and traffic officer and thought
the signal bell with
at the same time as the north and south
OVER THE WEST SIDE combination" business house
rather of the ordinary In the
yucanng shop with partition another
space nearby
reparer. .s Sc
LESLIE BINGLE NJ c. notes that
day President Hardings
flag at of the public schools had flying halfsaf all day but
upside down 81
THERE ARE Antonio whom
They employed the cold storage and packing and work daily
temperatures from 10 o freezing.
WHAT UNDERSTAND reader is that
although her husband hardly get in time go work at o'clock
in the difficulty rousing himself everybody else in
the house fishing golf planned
ALTHOUGH CALVIN COOLIDGE is designated hrtieth
President United really the twentynnth to
have occupied that position Cleveland because President twice with
twentynd and twenty
fourth president and the has continued
EVERY MAN WHO HAS BEEN married for knows that
without being
icorreeled his wife
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19
What Do You Know About That?

BASEBALL FAN HAS WATCHED newspapers all week for
Developments incident he witnessed
Park "a girl who showed interest in the when Of the
players did something she thought
that the for the Bears made and didn't
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

=. JUST CAN'T GET USED Aloysius
scratched
walk him.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

YOUNG MARRIED MAN has just safely
RAISING Of complications calling
inquring appointments" claimed
his bride half
mystery explained when
fortune teller Of the party desired.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Hunt the brighter things. Canta-
loupes would cost more if the. were
as big as waternelons. ......
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

FRYING SIZE CHICKEN stopped
and furnished amusement for gathering crowd Afternoon
Half dozen nborers the old Bexar hotel chased
finally caught it enyoIsy
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Cincinnati judge complimented q
woman on shooting her husband. She
only did what others do.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

Many will be sorry to learn re-
former says he enjoys life.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-19

WHAT SHE UNDERSTAND reader is that
Iatbough o'clock
in the difficulty himself everybody else in
1.-THE house fishing golf planned