davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Desert Maps Comirg The local
office Of the automobile club has
been advised that supply of maps
describing routes of desert wafer
places in the lower Gila valley and
in the Papago country of Arizona,
has been shipped here and will be
available for motorists in few
days. The maps have been prepared
by the government to enable tour
lists to know the exact location of
water in ease they get into trouble
on the desert.
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

WANTED-Two tom tractor
rlow or disk. State price. Boy
74s, Seeley. 1876
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

SPLENDID dairy oppG,tunity
Have for lease alfalfa ranches
and good dairy COWS. For parti-
cnlars, address f. +. Sanguinetti
Yuma, Ariz. 1913
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Elmer A. Todd's Music Studio
ga Olive. Phone 466W. ADV
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

WANTEp-General house work
Press, Box 2j5. f 1884 &
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR SALE-1022 Dodrn tourirol
car. Ike new. ) cord ti"os = hnrt
pain for ouiek action. 1923 BnirlS
roadstnr Soc th's car bnforo WOW
h"". Call for Williams, with n'.i"r
Sales. 1873
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19
lOCaI1I,,gg.lIewS aII,g.

U. G. T. Meeting Tonight-An
travelling men and wholesale sales.
men are nrged 10 attend the meeting
tonight sat 572 Main street for the
1eirpose of organizing local branch
of the United Commercial Travellers.
When the prcliminaries are accom-
plished, charter will be requested
md the organization will begin to
function immediately.
wooda Biesy Dancing School, 7c3
Orange. Classical and. bah room
for children or adults. Phone 4llW.
Adv
Alleged Moonshiner Arrested
William Robinson, said to have been
operating a moonshine" " still near
Brawley, was arrested by Constable
Diekenson yesterday and brought to
the county Jail, to await trial on a
charge Of yiolai ion of the liquor law.
Merchant Lunch at Steves. Adv
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR SAI.E-prro bred Parfed .Pocli
cockcrcls. PhoSc 66F12. Mrs
George Wright, Holtville, Calf.
Route B. 1876
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

DR.. G. A. Briegleb, pastor of the
Westlake Presbyterian Church Of
Los Angeles saws of Mrs. Hattie c
Young, who will speak at the Pres
bvterian Church ON Monday, Janu
ary 22nd, at 7:30 p. M: "Mav !
take this opportunity of thanking
YOU for having sent Mrs. Hattie c
Young to our church. Her address
in my pulpit was one long to be II
membered and we We're more than
pleased TO respond to her appeal fof
the splendid work vour Organization
is doing. l consider Mrs. Young ohI
of the best platform speakers Coz
Law Enforcement. ADV
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Suititorium Dry Cleaners and
Pressers have moved to their new
location, corner. Fifth and State st.
Princess Hotel corner. Adv
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR RENT-T.arge office spa"e on
store room. No. 66+ Main st.
19t2
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR RENT-Offieo or desk room
No. Col Main st. 1868
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Meet Me at Steves.
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Automobiles for hire. MeCor,
mick Bros. Garage. Adv.
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19
Too Late to Classify

FXCHANGE-21 acre orange and
lemon Grove. ono Of the best in
Riverside section. uever touched
hv frost. VIII exchange for GOOD
Tmnerial valley pronertv, might
assume some. Paulin Rros. "13
Tmperial Ave.. Imperial, Calf.
Phone Imperial 21. 1914
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR RENT-Smal cottaoo, snit-
able for , gentlemen. 3S3 Olive
1876
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

FOR SALF-Painters ladders. ~
Park Ave. 1911
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Sport News at Steves. Phone $40
DR.. Harry Hooper, Dentist. Ca
Main Street. Phone 3S2W. Adv
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Table d'Hote Dinner, 81 per GOV
n. Special T-bone steak dinner, 90c.
Hotel Barbara Worth. Adv.
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Ed Moyes expert automobile
twasher with Mccormick Bros.
Garage. Adv.
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Merchant Lunch at steves. Adv
Imperial Valley press., 1923-01-19

Automobiles for Hire. McCor.
mick Bros. Garage. ADV
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
s.EL.ll.IIsSAAM. ~ 4,

Some years ago in his column,
"The Coming Tower" +. p. A. re-
marked that Joseph Conrad was "the
greatest living writer of English"
This moved one of his contributors
to write him as follows:
Tell me, +. p. A.,
When did Kipling pass away"
Kipling has written much that is
of enduring worth; this his most
carping critic will admit.
We have read, avidly, everything
we could get hold of that r. X. has
written.
Few writers are as versatile; few
can cover so large field, being
equally at home in poetry and prose.
His books of short stories, prob
ably, did more to fix his fame than
any others.
But with us he makes his greatest
appeal with his poetry. We have
big scrap book in which we have
pasted most of the fugitive verse
that appeared in periodicals.
Some years ago James Whitcomb
Riley sent set of his books to Kip
ling; in reply he received the follow
ing Kiplingesque verses.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
A WASTED INHERITANCE

Something must have happened to
disturb the hitherto perfect UNDER
standing between William Randolph
Hearst and the Roman Catholics,
Judging from the following thought
expressed few days ago, by his
highest-paid writer, Mr.. Arthur
Brisbane, in the services of the
Herast papers:
"Mr. Otto Cook, dying, leaves
81 900 to his wife and $36,500 to be
spent on prayer for his soul. If
they ever laugh in heaven, and if
Otto Cook ever gets there, he ought
to hear unusually loud laughter on
his arrival. It's also to be hoped
that Divine Providence will find
way to impress upon Otto Cook the
fact that he exaggerates consider
ably the Importance of his own little
soul. For that kind of a soul, 10
cents should be enough. Undoubted-
ly the religious organization inherit
ing the $4,000 will remedy the in
justice in that kind of will"
But even the great mind of Mr..
Brisbane is not always right. The
latest news concerning the Cook will
is that the church authorities will
fight to hold ON to the $36,500, re-
CARELESS of the troublesome time
the Widow Cook will have in get
ting along with the poor little thous-
and dollars her husband left her
after bequeathing fortune to the
church to pray him into heaven
Fellowship Forum.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
A WORLD LANGUAGE

A great world telephone system,
making necessary to all nations the
use of common language, or a
common understanding of language,
will some day join all the people of
the earth into common brother
hood. Such is the logical conclus-
ion of John J. Carly, Vice President,
American Telephone and Telegraph
Company, and communications of
ficer of the peace conference and
in charge of the signal corps of the
A. f. +.
The ultimate system of providing
the communications of the world
will consist of both wire and radio,
each supplanting the other in pro-
portion to it's capabilities, for each
has its limitations, he says.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
BIG BILL AND LITTLE BILL

Two bills were waiting in the
bank for their turn to go out into
the world. One was a little bill,
only one dollar; the other was a
big one, a thousand-dollar bill.
While lying there, side by side,
they fell a-talking about their use
fulness. The dollar bill murmured:
"Ah,, if were as big as you what
good l would dol All would admire
me, and want to take me home with
them, but, small as | am, what good
can / do? Nobody cares much for
me. | am too little to be of any
use."
"Ah, yes! that is So" said the
thousand-dollar bill; and it haugh-
tily gathered up its well-trimmed
edges, that were lying next the lit
tie bill, in conscious superiority.
"That is So" it repeated. eff you
were as great as | ANA thousand
times bigger than you are-then you
might hope to do some good in the
world" And its face smiled a
wrinkle of contempt for the little
dollar bill.
Just then the cashier came, took
the little, murmuring bill, and kindly
gave it to a poor widow.
"God bless you'll" she cried, as
with smiling face she received it.
my dear, hungry children can now
have some bread"
A thrill of joy ran through the
little bill as it was folded up in the
widows hand, and it whispered: 81
may do some good, even if / am
small" And when it saw the bright
faces of her fatherless children, it
was very glad that it could do a
little good.
Then the little dollar bill began
its journey of usefulness. 1t went
first to the bakers for bread, then
to the miller's, then to the farmers,
then to the laborer's, then to the
doctors, then to the minister's, and
wherever it went it gave pleasure,
adding something to their comfort
and joy. At last, after long, long
pilgrimage of usefulness among
every sort of people, it came back to
the bank again, crumpled, defaced,
ragged, softened, by it's daily use.
Seeing the thousand-dollar bill ly-
ing there with scarcely a wrinkle or
finger mark upon it, it exclaimed
"Pray, sir, and what has been
your mission of usefulness ?" The
big bill sadly replied: 81 have been
from safe to safe, among the rich,
where few could see me, and they
were afraid to let me go far, lest
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
HINTS FOR THE
HOUSEHOLD
HOUSEK EEPERS IRON TOO
MANY THINGS

"Much time and energy are wasted
by housekeepers in ironing things
which are better without it," is the
statement of Mrs. Ida S. Harring-
ton, specialist in home management
at the College of Agriculture, New
Brunswick.
Every homemaker can make use
of little helps that reduce work and
save time. Most of these helps cost
nothing at all except little thought.
"The greatest single help is to
leave unironed many things we now
iron just because we have always
done so. Chief among these things
are dish towels. A towel that has
been dried in the sun and air is
filter for its purpose of absorbing
moisture than it possibly could be
after it has been sprinkled, rolled,
unrolled and ironed. And think of
the time, strength, and fuel saved
by folding the towel smoothly with
out ironing! The same is even true
of stockings and wooden underwear,
of sheets and pillow cases. A little
extra care in hanging them on the
line means saving the time, effort,
and expense that it would take to
iron them.
at may be wise to use an iron on
pieces that have not been purified by
sunlight, but this problem does not
confront many rural women.
"If it is impossible to have an
electric or gasoline iron, have an
ample supply of whatever kind is
used so that each iron may be really
hot in time to replace cooling one.
Have the ironing board as near the
stove as is possible with comfort.
Learn to sit on high stool while
irnoing the lighter pieces. Select
ironing the lighter pieces. Select
to stand erect when you must stand,
and have plenty of holders to avoid
the discomfort of hurting hand"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
PRESS GIVES THE FACTS

The country weekly and small city
daily give the people the facts.
The institution of the freedom of
the press is so firmly entrenched in
this country that any attempt to
curtail it instantly arouses public
resentment.
People demand facts; facts can
be given only through a free and
untrammeled press.
No better recognition of this can
be found than the fact that, when
a dictator arises in any part of the
world, his first action is to muzzle
the Manufacturer
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
THE ANNUAL BOUT

The bell rang and father faced
the turkey. He circled the bird
warily, looking for hold. Consid-
cradle caution characterized the first
few minutes of the bout, in spite
of the fact that it was being con-
Quoted under carve-as-carve-can
rules.
Suddenly they grappled. The tur-
key, tough opponent, slid out from
under Father and the two went to
the mat. Mother, refereeing from
the other end of the table, was SO
annoyed by the spotting of the mat,
not to mention the clean tablecloth,
the turkey.
Warming to his work, Father Sc
cured the famous drumstick hold on
the turkey, twisting mercilessly and
savagely attacking with carving
knife, which, he declared, had not
been sharpened since the Iron Age.
Father pressed his advantage and
succeeded in serving three guests.
But, although the turkey was
somewhat under weight, he was fast
and slippery. He broke the scissors
hold Father had on his breastbone
with the fork and cleverly upset
Fathers glass of water into Auntie
Mays lap.
Spurred on by comments from the
ringside, which were becoming ex-
ceedingly caustic, Father threw aside
science and resorted to brute force.
He got .strangle hold on his adj
versary and did not release it until
there was a helping of turkey on
everyone's plate. Then the victor
released his grip in order to serve
the neck to little Junior.
#*&&*s**s*&
A group of men were discussing
the proposition as to whether a hen
"set" on the nest or "sit" on it.
After much discussion it was left to
an old man for decision. Gentle
men, he said, 81 am not interested
whether hen sets or sits on the
nest, but what want to know is,
after she cackles has she laid or
lied.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
CUTTING A MELLON

Secretary of the Treasury Mellon
recently announced that it would be
possible to lop off about three humid
red and twenty-three million dollars
from our Federal taxes. Great glee
has been registered by taxpayers.
But they will find their glee little
too previous. There are 10 million
people in the United States. This
would mean only little less than
three dollars per capita if the cut
is made.
But when all is said and done the
average taxpayer will realize about
as little relief as the man who was
cornered in cave by ferocious
bear. cts all right" shouted a
man from the outside, "Pve killed
the cub"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07

"Your trail lies to the westward,
And mine to my own place,
There is water between our lodges,
And l have never seen your face
But since have read your verses,
'Tis easy to guess the rest,
Because in the hearts of children,
There is neither East or West.
Born to a thousand fortunes,
of good and evil hap,
Once they We're Kings together,
Throned in a mothers lap.
Surely they know that secret,
Yellow and black and white,
When they meet as Kings together
In innocent dreams at night,
With a moon they all can play
with,
Grubby and grimed and unshod,
Very happy together
And very near to Cod
And second choice, therefore. in
'ur list of Ten Best Books" is:
Collected Verse" by Rudyard Kip
ing.
E, E. S.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
SMILIN THRU
THE "oUACK's. DIRECTORY
BY GEE Sc G


The "cure- alls" in the Wapentake
Comprise a loathsome snare
Of gruesome maladies to which
They claim all flesh is heir.
One "patent medicine" proclaims
Your blood pressure is high,
And if you don't take "Bunkum's
Balm"
That you are doomed to die.
Another warns you to beware
If you have kidney ills,
For you will kick the bucket if
You don't take "Piffle's Pills"
You'll be cripple without fail
(At least one ad so warns)
If you don't use a peck or SO
Of "Hoofit's Salve" for corns.
"If you have spots before the eyes,
You're doomed" says one fake ad-
If you don't take a dozen quarts
Of "Nerva" you'll go mad.
If you feel dopey in the morn,
Then you have lost your pep;
Unless you soak up lakes of "Whiz,"
Into the grave you'll step.
Likewise, ingrowing toenails, mumps,
Blind staggers, piles and woe
Are threatened to the reader if
He don't cough up his dough.
And as one scans these gruesome
quacks
The Wapentake proclaims,
He sees that it is suffering
Each malady it names.
And if it practiced what it preached
1t hardly could be worse,
For even now it sorely needs
A graveyard and hearse.
*&&**&
"WOMEN TO FILL BULK OF
RURAL PULPITS," says the secre-
tary of the Methodist Mission Board.
****+*
My! That's an awful slam at
fat women!
ONE OF THE RESULTS OF
PROHIBITION
1t has been announced that the
country's grape crop this year is
900 carloads. In 1921 it was only
$4,000 carloads.
#*&+&*
ITO MAKE BIRTHPLACE OF
COOPER SHRINE" says a Times
heading of James Fenimore's old
home in Bordentown.
*%+*#s
In other words-"Birthplaces
Made to Order"
Fruit favored lipsticks are the
latest fad for frantic females.
+%%&*&
Watch out, girlsl Pretty soon
the boys won't take you to the Sugar
Bowl any more!
Only recently a German scientist
proclaims kisses to be survival of
Nobody but German
would say such a shameful thing).
He says that in the old days the
cannibal always kissed his victim
to show that he was good enough
to eat.
After all, that may still be true!
%A#&A#
A dumb-bell named Oliver Runyan
Saw something that looked like an
onion,
He ate it complete,
And it fixed his feet
Hell never have another bunion!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
THE RED CROSS TODAY

During the war an American Red
Cross worker stopped to get a drink
at a Montenegro mountain farm.
He went to the well curb and drew
up bucket of cold, clear water,
dipped in his cup-and stopped with
the cup at his lips. For his eye
tombstone formed part of the family
cemetery, which was not ten yards
from the well.
Needless to say, his thirst depart
ed Immediately. The water was cold
and sparkling, but the proximity of
the cemetery raised grave doubts in
his mind as to its purity.
This happened in Montenegro. But
there are plenty of wells and springs
in America that are no more health
| lily located. "But just look at the
water" says the owner. Look how
clear it is. See how it sparkles.
Certainly you can't get any purer
water than thatp
But plenty of contaminated wells
have wonderfully clear water. You
can't see the typhoid bacilli swim
ming around in it. But they are
there.
During the war in our immense
army the yearly death rate from
| typhoid was only %. Our homes
lost 10000 during the same period
| Surely our homes ought to be as
sanitary as a camp. But the fig
ures show that many thousands of
them are not.
Typhoid is only one of the pre-
ventable diseases that the American
| Red Cross has declared war on
through it's public health program.
| 1t wants to educate those who do
not know to the dangers that Turk
in contaminated water, improper
| diet, carelessness in sanitation and
health matters generally; it wants to
help the people of the United States
to knowledge of how to avoid
disease and preserve the health and
happiness that is necessary to sue
cess. Through its public health
nurses, it's courses in first-aid, life
saving, dietics and home hygiene and
care of the sick, through disaster re-
lief work and work for the disabled
veterans of the World War it hopes
to make America healthier and
happier place to live in than it has
ever been before.-Robert Hamires
in "Treat En- Square
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
Ink From Other Presses
VITAL QUESTIONS
DISCUSSED BY
LEADING EDITORS
OF THE COUNTRY
LOQUACIOUS NAG

They tell of young married ar
fist in Washington Square who has
prediction for talking in his
sleep. Several times recently he
mentioned the name 'Irene" and
his spouse questioned him about it.
"Oh, that" said he, thinking fast,
dis the name of horse"
Several days later when he came
home he asked his wife the news of
the day. Nothing exciting hap
pened," she said, "except your horse
called you up twice. Shoe Works
Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07

A colored man went to cash a
check at bank operated by MEM
bers of his own race.
"Man," said the teller. "You amt
got no money in dis yere bank"
Eyes, All is" insisted the other,
"Ah put ten dollahs in yere six
months ago"
"Six months ago" echoed the tel
Ter. pityingly. Laws, cullud man,
don't you know de int'rust done ct
dat up long ago."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
A SPUR TO THE wAPENTAKE

One of our readers said to us the
other day that we are to be con-
graduated on having driven the
Wapentake into starting an editor
ial page, even tho it is poor one.
A newspaper without an editorial
policy is like a ship without rud-
der-it just isn't.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
REALLY. ISN'T 1T FUNNY?
That a man who thinks he in
a Business Man

viii get up in the morning
From an advertised mattress,
Shave with an advertised razor,
And put ON advertised underwear,
Advertised hose, shirt, collar, tie
and shoes,
Seat himself at the table and
Eat advertised breakfast food,
Drink advertised coffee or substi-
tute,
Put on an advertised hat,
Light an advertised cigar,
Get in an advertised automobile,
And go to his place of business
And TURN DOWN Advertising on
the
Ground that Advertising doesn't
Pay.-Greenville (Tex.) Banner.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
STRAY BITS OF HUMOR AND PATHOS
From the December issue of the .Endeavor
Echo" of the LamberfviIe Presbyterian

l should be lost. Few, indeed, are
they whom have made happy by
my mission"
The little dollar bill said: at is
better to be small and go among
the multitudes doing good, than to
be SO great as to be imprisoned in
tire safes of the few" And it rested
satisfied with its lot.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07
Nursing Bottles Attract Them ,

Baby's nursing bottles attract
rats! They will do anything to get
at the bottle. If they do, they will
infect the milk with disease. For
health's sake wipe out the rats! Use
Royal Guaranteed Rat-Kake. Posi-
lively DESTROYS all arts. Sold
and guaranteed by
ALL LEADING DRUG AND
HARDWARE STORES
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07

Isaac; ~ wish | was as religious
as Ably. When he prays he clasps
his hands so close together he can't
get them apart, even when the col
lection plate is passed."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-12-07

Reserve your space in the 1924
RECoRD-NEWS ALMANAC. Only
lie. a copy for full page advertise
ment. Phone S4-RS,
New Britain herald., 1923-05-22
1855 PASSENGERS, SAVED
FROM WRECK, ARE WALKING
Must Trudge II Miles Through Cana
dian Dust and Mud Before
Reaching Sizcablc Town.

n, Johns. n, f.. May 22.--The 4S6
passengers and crew of the Canadian
Pacific liner Maryale, rescued yester-
day when the steamer sunk near
Cape Pine after striking n rock. start
ed on long hike today. In the lit
tie fishing village of st. Shots where
the ships boats landed them, shelter
was found for the night but there was
no adequate means of conveyance to
Trepassey, the nearest railroad town.
So the shipwrecked company this
morning shouldered what little bag
gage they had saved and started afoot
over the road facing walk of II
miles.
II is expected that the steamer EN-
press OF Britain which was 80 miles
east of Cape Race this forenoon will
call at Trepassey and take the pas
sengers aboard. If this is found inn
practicable they will come to st.
Johns by rail and catch the steamer
here.
The Marvale bound from Montreal
to Liverpool hit the rock during a
dense log yesterday afternoon. In
sinking condition she was headed for
a sandy beach but when it was ap-
parent she would not reach it in time
the boats were lowered and in the
smooth water there was no difficulty
In saving all on board. Shortly after
ward the steamer foundered in seven
fathoms of water. Today she was
wing with boat deck awash mile |
off Cape Pine.