The Washington times., 1923-02-25
Time to
Redecorate
r<WwYHAT (lay of the month

~ Is this?' inquired
Dome s. Tick, It the
breakfast table, lowering his
paper and raising his voice at
the same time.
eth soon be the first oe
March, said Mrs. Tick. glanc.
ing at the calendar with one hand
and pouring the coffee with the
other.
"That doesn't tell me what day
OF the month 1t is" roared her
husband, in his best home-circle
style.
'tIf you wish to know the ex-
act date, DEAR" cooed Mrs. Tick.
why not glance at the top Of that
newspaper in which you nose has
been buried for the last fifteen
minutes. imagine you will find
that it is correctly dated"
Mr.. Tick took the wifely come.
bask with q grunt.
I'm other words" the lady con.
tinued, when / say that 1t Will
soon be the first of March, ! am
thinking that 1t will soon be fIne
to redecorate. The house Is In
q dreadful condition. The door.
mat needs overhauling, there's
pattern of SCOT above the radiap
tors, and . pattern Of coal dust
over the mantels. Have you no.
ticed it?'
"Eh?" said Tick, coming out
from behind the stock quotations.
take your spoon out Of your
cup and listen to what I'm say.
Ing" came the order from the
head Of the household. II say It's
time to redecorate. The fringe
is worn off the parlor rug, and
the bathroom fixtures are not
what they once were.
We need 3 coat Of paint on the
front steps and q little varnish
on the hall stairs. And the oat.
meal In the. guest room Is q dis.
grace. There isn't enough oats
meal left on 1t to feed mos.
quito
"Then let the mosquito eat the
guest" put in Mr.. Tick, cheer
fully.
NOW that You know what my
plans are, have you anything TO
say in your own defense?" asked
MRS. Tick.
Tick took q large gulp Of coffee
to warm his courage.
Eyes, / have" he announced
Il am going to stand out against
your plans for once In my life.
When 1t comes to legal holidays,
/ haven't anything against Decor
alton day, but this idea Of yours
for Re-decoration days doesn't
suit me. / sometimes think you
will welcome my demise, Just for
the occasional opportunities IL
will give you to redecorate my
grave
Mrs. Tick opened her mouth to
reply, but the orator held up q
warning finger, in q patent medi-
cine pose.
Wait" he shouted. Last
year, you may recall that you did
over my den, and succeeded in
putting everything in it but me.
That turkish hanging lamp was
the last straw. / couldn't read It,
and ! lived In constant fear that
1t would drop off the hook and
brain me. l got tired praying for
safety every time / entered the
room. / finally gave the dern
thing to the foreman Of a con.
struction gang, who said it would
come in handy as a red lantern
danger signal.
For once in my life, | intend
to get through the spring without
an orgy of wall paper, floor wax,
and securing soap. / don't want
to appear fussy, but my bronchial
tubes are worthy Of some con-
sideration.
LET u.s." concluded Mr.. Tick
with a fine burst Of eloQuence,
declare a painters holiday for
1928. You have changed the
color of the woodwork so often
that the oldest neighbor can't re-
member it's original color, and
you have altered the complexion
of the bathroom to the point
where no longer feel natural in
the tub. You have stencfled the
ceilings and wainscoted the walls.
Madame, you had your fling with
a paint brush. Let US settle down
and enjoy our stale paint, and
get used to our new antique oak
finish banisters."
So saying, Mr.. Dome s. Tick
caught the morning train to town.