davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1923-07-15

( buttonholes y simple hat of some
/ dark material may be worn together
with plain boots drawn up well over
the socks and either laced or left
4 unlaced. No harm is done If a touch
of color Is added by carrying a gera-
Mum in the hand. We are now ready
for the street.
Here we may say at once that the
crucial test is that we must know
what we want, why we want it,
where we want it, and whas il is
! Time, as We Men are only TOO apt
to forget, is everything, and since
our aim is now a pound Of spit peas
we must, as we sally forth, think of
| a pound of split peas and only a
pound.
Having found the split peas, our
housekeepers next task is to nay
for them. This he does with money
that may be either carried in the
hand, or. better, tucked into a sim
pie etui, or dodu. that can be car
ried at the wrist or tied to the
ankle. The order duly given, our
housekeeper gives his address for the
delivery of the peas, and then. as
returns TO his apartment. His next
office, and a most important one it is.
is now ready to be performed. This
new but necessary duty is waiting
for the delivery van.
The housekeeper will presently dis
cover the van, drawn UP in front of
the apartment. and it's driver curied
up on the seat. Now is the moment
Of activity. Hastily throwing on
peignoir, the housekeeper descends
and, receiving his parcel, reascends
to his apartment. The whole descent
and reascent is made quickly, quietly
and, il possible. only once.
Remember that unsoaked peas are
hard. forcible, and surcharged with a
! nitrogenous amygdaloid that is in re
ality what chemical science calls
putrate of lead. On the other hand
peas that are soaked become large
voluble. textile and, while extremely
palatable, are none the less rich in
glycerin, starch and other lacteroids
and bactifera. To contain the re
| quired elements of nutrition split peas
must be soaked for two hours in fresh
| water and afterward boiled for an
hour and a quarter (eighty-five min
utes).
1t is now but the work of q mo-
ment to lift the saucepan of peas from
the fire, strain them through a colan-
| der, pass them thence into net or bag,
| rinse them in cold water and then
spread the whole appetizing mass on
platter and carry it on a fire shovel
| to the dining room. AS it is now
about 6 o'clock in the evening, our
| housekeeper oap-either telephone to his
club and order thin soup with bite
| of fish, two lamb chops with asparagus
and send word also for a pint of Mo
selle TO be laid on ice,~ or he can sit
! down and eat those blasted peas.
We know which he Will do.
tcocyrght, 1s2s.b
Evening star., 1923-07-15
TOGO FAToMo

fore. you should drink without inter
ruption."
Here's happy days" he sing-song
while slugging off one cup scope
lamin.
7 LOOK. Peculiarities happen. Nogi
look like his brain. was Funnins 6
down his back Then he took two
more and had quite a. trance.
"Nogi." l whisper. nervely are
you unconscious"
Slightly" he maroon. What
could l do for you nowo"
Tell me truth" l yall. What you
did with my brown derby that can
tained an owl feather in band?"
II am strangling so that j cannot
lie." he guggle like Scientifick Amer
lean hunting ghosts. II have gave
that hat to very dearie friend TO keep
for you SO it will not get dusty.
Mention my name In Japanese and
he will return it back & thanks,
What are name of this kind
angelo" / ask TO know.
'F'atomoto Jumbo, chumpion whale
weight puggalist of Japan. You will
find him at Geisha Lunch Saloon and
SO happy to give hat if you mantion
my name"
Were that not pretty nice axperi-
ment, Mr.. Editor? Nogi only drank
one pit. of that sleeping liquor. yet
he told me all. Therefore put speed
into my shoes and eleped alarmIy to
Geisha Lunch Saloon. And what l
see there? My hat.
But it was not alone. Under be-
meath it set Japanese gentleman so
enlarged he look like the Statue of
Liberty's husband. He nearly stepped
on me when I come In, but l was
there with bravery.
20, y'r majesty, Rev. Hon. Fato-
motto Jumbo" I commence slightly.
Evening star., 1923-07-15

claimed its own. Great Neckers, who
likes to boast Of their long residents
In this wonder city is frequently
heard exclaiminE why I remember
when Lardners started their tennis
court.
All and all It 10 said that enough
clay has been put on the court and
took OF again to make full length
statues of over u the former Foilies
girls that has married Yale men.
Inside the house the customer Is
first escorted down in the basement
where he may see Y ton OF real
coal and empty pit. bottle that says
Schlitz on 1t. A couple minutes
glance at these Eruesome objects 10
genaily always enough and the visi-
tor Ia glad to mount again to the
Evening star., 1923-07-15

drap or to sleep. But eff Enoeh do
totin' gripsacks from de train, he
frolics around. an chucks his money
at the jsybirds ontiI it's plum gone
Den you kicks him outdoors. cause
Enoch amt no good. Eff a mans got
too much money you cuss him out, eff
he amt got none you kick him out
Not only white folks. but niggers.
too. when dey saves up. Lordee. how
desc niggers used to lowrate Gid
Culley on count O. Gid sinkin' his
wages in bank ev'y SADLY Dey'd
ak Gid how come he behave so per-
culiar. Den Gid would ply back dat
maybe tomorrer he mought want to
buy sump'n. Huh. Amt l seed Gid
hang around here wild his mouf jes
slobberin' for catfish. den jerk his
self loose from de smell of it an go
put his dime in bank.
Nobody needn't argue to me bout
'conomize when l members what
happened to Gid. Gid raked an
scraped to pay fifty dollars down on
a house for him an Tidy. Den Tidy
craved bunch o. new cIo'es to match
deir new house, an a red plush parlor
set from de 'stallment, man. Nothin'
'cept gold oak couldn't pacify Tidy,
whilst Gid wore overall pants.
y
"DEARS like dey was ivin' easy,
when luck took a shot at Gid
Gid lost his job. an couldn't pay dem
stallments. Den he took sick Huh,
Evening star., 1923-07-15
Substitute for Rubber.
have worked out ",

CHEMISTS have worked out what
~ they claim to be q practicable
Substitute for india rubber. They use
as basis the oil Of the sofa bean.
Two parts OF this oil are treated with
one part Of nitric acid, and the result
Is an emulsion. This emulsion Is
heated to the boiling point Of water,
when 1t becomes converted into a
uniform gummy mass. Upon being
washed in water, this mass is dis
solved into dilute ammonia water e
per cent?. and from this solution a
preoipitate is obtained by neutraliz-
ing with some dilute acid. This pre-
cipitate is again washed with water
and heated to about lie degrees Fab
rcnheit. The Anal product il an
elastic substance very similar to india
rubber ana ID capable Of being vul.
nsniyoA
Evening star., 1923-07-15

may be devised by throwing over
the kimono itself thin lace shawl,
with a fichu carried high above the
waist line and terminating In a plain
insertion. a bit of old lace thrown
over the housekeepers head is at
onco serviceable and becoming and
will help to keep the dust out of his
brain while thinking what to eat
for breakfast.
VERY naturally our housekeeper' s
first choice will be some kind of
cereal. The simplest and most
economical breakfast of this kind can
be secured by selecting some cereal
or grain food-such as oats, flax, split
peas that have been carefully strain
ed in the colander, or beans that
have been fred off in a gun. Sup
posing then that we have decided
upon a pound of split peas as our
breakfast, the next task that de-
wolves upon our housekeper is to
60 out and buy It.
Here our advice IL simple but
positive. Shopping should never be
done over the telephone or by tele-
graph. The good housekeeper in
stead of teiegraphing for his food
will insist on seeing his food him
self, and will eat nothing that he
does not first see before eating. This
is cardinal rule. For the moment,
then the range must be turned low
while our housekeeper sallies forth
to devote himself to his breakfast
shopping The best costume for shop
ping Is simple but effective suit. cut
In plain lines either square or cross
wise. and buttoned whereysr thare are
Evening star., 1923-07-15

ground door where he enters the
dining r4n. where they's a spot on the
rug which has been identified as part
Of the gravy served the day Garfield
was asSassinated.
In one corner OF tho living rm. 10
seen grandfather's clock which stu
dents has told me that It could not
of been built since 1914 and was
maybe built whole yr. before that
which would make 1t 10 yrs. old, an
age when hardly anybody is even
thinking of becoming grandfather
unlest YOU include insect life.
Opening the door of the clock one
observes a doughnut fried by the
next to the last jap that left US and
10 now used. ~ one, Of the weights
for the clock
Evening star., 1923-07-15

- HERE are pcridd. in the life of
every married man when he Is
turned for the time being into
Il grass bachelor.
This happens. for Instance. in the
summer time when his wife 10 sum-
mering by the sea. and he himself Is
simmerins In the city. - happens
also In the autumn when his wife is
in Virginia playing golf in order to
restore her shattered nerves after the
fatigues Of the seaside.
1t occurs again In November when
his wife Is In the Adirondacks to get
the beneft of the altitude, and later
on through the winter when sho ie
down in Florida to get the benefit OF
the latitude. The breaking up of the
winter being. notoriousiy, a trying
time on the system, any reasonable
man 10 apt to consent to his wife's
going to California. In the later
spring, the season Of the bursting
flowers and the young buds, every
woman likes to be with her mother
In the country. II 10 not fair to stop
her.
TT thus happens that at various
times of the year a great number
Of men, unable to leave their business,
houseksepers in their deserted houses
and apartments. 1t Is for their bene-
At that ! have put together these
hints on housekeeping for men. 1t
may be that in composing them owe
something to the current numbers Of
the leading women's magazines. II
so. I need not apologize. am sure
that In these days We Men all feel
that We Men and We Women are SO
much alike, or At least those Of US
who call ourselves 30, that we need
feel no jealousy when We Men and
We Women are striving each. or both.
in the Same direction IL in opposite
ways. I hope that I make myself
clear. 1 am sure do.
So I feel that II We Men, who are
left alone in our houses and apart
rnents in the summer time, would only
set ourselves to 1t. we could make
life not only little brighter for our
selves but also, little less bright for
those about us.
Nothing contributes to this end 80
much as good housekeeping. The
first thing for the housskeeper to
realize Is that II 10 inpossible for him
to attend to his housekeeping IN the
stlft and unbeeoming garments Of his
business hours. When he begins his
day he must, therefore, carefully con-
slider what to wear before dressing.
The simplest and best thing will
be found to be q plain sacque or XII
mono, cut very full so as to allow
Of the freest movement. and but
toned either down the front or back
or both. II the sleeve is cut short
At the elbow and ruffied above the
bare arm tho effect 10 both service
able and becoming. II will be bet
ter. especially Tor such work as
! IiShting the Gas range and boaIins
Evening star., 1923-07-15

Inc iisht bulbs in the living r,n. is
another point which can't fail 70
evoke squawks of delight from lovers
OF the antique.
y X X
put the prize relic of the LOT is
round on table in the hall and
is a first edition of the n. Y, city tel.
ephone directory bound in brownish
yellow and sent us by the company
themselves or yrs. ago.
Friends have told us that a coup,.
new editions of this rare work has
been broughten out since but the
new ones don't contain nowheres near
as many names of dead people and
III a person wants a alphabetical list
or the men who founded New York.
or New Amsterdam as 1T was called
then, this book is where to look for
same.
On the I'd. floor is the dorm.tories
and most of the curios is assembled
in the masters bed rm. Amongst
these Is the pr. of white trousers that
was made for the master TO play. golf
in them with President Harding and
come from the tailor kind of soiIed
so they had to be sent to the cleaners
and when we appeared in them at
Washington the present administration
was embarrassed for the first time.
This rm. also boasts the only one
way screen on Long Island which the
mosquitoes don't seem to have no
trouble In getting through it on
empty stomach but the meshes Is too
small for them to get out after a
heavy meal.
OTHER relics to be found in the
closet and the dresser drawers is
keys from practally every hotel In the
two big leagues. two or three checks
drawed to our order on banks which
don't recall ever having met the boys
that signed them and a season pass
for 1914 to, the Federal League ball
PIX. in Buffalo.
RING w. LARDNER.
Great Neck, Long Island, July l3.
Evening star., 1923-07-15
1T Is All Stranger Than Fiction
/ The Jap Schooboy Experiments With Scopoamn ,

: To Editor of The Star. who should
run his European news in the puzzle
department.
EAR SIR:-science advances
by leaps and grunts, do it
not? I'll tell the moon.
Yestiddy we had TO await
for thunderstorm before being
struck by lightning. To day II can
be bought in cans at any delikittez-
zin store. Yestiddy letters was car
risd from here to there by bull
wagons. To day we can speak to
-Honalulu by radio and get the wrong
number just as oftenly as in Chicago.
Minnyappies or Salt Lick City. Is
1t wonderful? 1t is.
And now I shall tell you how ! got
acquainted with the most alarmed
science of all and what happen from
IL.
at ice-cream counter of Kickashima
Soda, Japanese drug store. With
each delicate spoon l felt worse, and
this dear Kickishima spoke.
Togo" he report you are look
ing quite yellow. Pussibly your feed
pipe is choked or you have been in
toXicated by an auto. What can
sell your
.cOMETHING that is good for in
durable diseases" r dib. Il
was born from a family of liars. Ny
Uncle Nichi is a politician and my
C,,1 Nj; Cob 10 ASh
1t not sad that I should be left alone
some in my virtue? And what to do
with Cousin Nogi: He are so dis
honest that l cannot tell him the
truth because it give him an ear
ache l cannot keep up with his lies
What to do, oh what to do?"
Have you tried Scopolamin?" re-
duire Hon. Kikashima, with drus ex-
preston.
II do not need toothpaste, thank
you i Snuggest-
''Scopolamin are not toothpaste,
he reject 1T are variety of mouth
wash which cleanses the soul. After
one dose you emerje into a twilight
sleep, and truth is born without hurt
ing. Think that
Who invented that remarkabilious
eargie?" 1 ask to know.
a jailer in California" say Kick
asthma. while managing San Quen-
tin, hotel for criminals. he got very
sorry because so many murdercrs
spoke in circles crockedly. What
shall he do? All, Scepolamin! There
fore he obtain half dozen bottles of
this honest poison and fed it to Grim
inals with following result:
Nineteen murders, twilight sleep
ing, confessed entire truth. They
had been arrested by mistake.
Eighty eight burglars, filled with
knock -out. admit that they went TO
Jail to save q friend.
THAT experiment were entire sue
cess, accept for one % wicked forger
who did not get very sleepy, and KEEP
bra sging about several checks he had
signed without being caught. He
must remain In jail until he learns
more politeness."
What an unlimited chemistry"
ccmrese. Gould not that Scopolamin
be squirted into necks of Janus
statesmen to make them more can
died and frank in talk?'
"THAr also shall be accomplished
soonly," narrate Hon. Kicka-
shima Hon, Edw. w. Box, x-editor,
have Offered 1o0,000s prize for best
Evening star., 1923-07-15

water, to girdle the kimono with q
simple yet effective rope Of tas-
seled silk. which may be drawn In
or let out, according to the amount
of water one wishes to boil
A simple kimono OF this sort can
be bought almost anywhere for
$3.50, or can be supplied by Messrs.
Einstein & Fickelbrot tsee advertis-
ing pages) for $25.
Having a kimono such as this, our
housekeeper can either button him
self into 1t with a button-hook
(very good ones are supplied by
Messrs. Einstein & Fickelbrot Zee
adj at very reasonable price or
even higher), or, better still, he can
summon the janitor of the apart
ment, who can button him up quite
securely in q few minutes time--a
quarter Of an hour at the most. We
are now ready to consider the all
important question.
Our housekeeper will naturally de-
sire something that IL simple and
easily cooked. yet at the same time
sustaining and invigorating and con-
tanning a maximum OF food value
with a minimum OF cost. If he is
wise he will realize that the food
ought to contain a proper quantity
of both proteids and amygdaioids.
and while avoiding a nitrogenous
breakfast. should see to it that he
obtains sufficient of what is albu-
minous and exogamous to prevent
his breakfast from becoming mo-
notonous. Careful thought must there
fore be given to the breakfast menu.
Fer the purpose Of thinking. .
single but ysyy affective costume
Evening star., 1923-07-15

'if convenient donate that hat to me
which you got on your very strong
head"
For what reason If sny?" he mar
rant, looking under his chair to find
me
1T my own real estate" I
snatch. Cousin Nogi simply allow
you to keep IT."
How that?" he nudge like Mt.
Etna. When l wonn Hon. hat by
betting on Shelby, Mont %
How could | tell when 1t is mine,
| holla peevly
Where was Nogi when he say that
garbage?" bellus that swollen Lasker
ship.
In a twilight sleep, please" I saw
TTHUMPS! / wish l could tell how
prizefighters do it that way,
Nextly | knew his knuckles jumped
into my heart and was flying
swiftly through windows. Crashes!
walking on the seat of my stumick.
When l could march on my egs got
up and made angry footsteps to apt
of Cousin Nogi, where | find him on
floor, enjoying more twilight. In
bottle befront of him were one child
ish drink still stapding there.
What could | do? l lifted its neck
to my unfortunate mouth and drank
combustively. 1t tasted like tacks.
'Nogi," l snarrel, putting a kick on
his forehead. what do you think you
have been drunking?"
How do i known" he suzz Every
thing you take out of bootlegg taste
ezackly alike"
/ am advertising for my lost men,
ory. Hoping you are the same.
yours very truly,
HASHfMCRA TOGO.
Evening star., 1923-07-15
Lardner's Estate Open to Summer Visitors

Inc light bulbs in the living rr. is
ahother point which can't fail to
evoke squawks of delight from lovers
of the antique.
Evening star., 1923-07-15
The New Guide for Grass Bachelors

~ HERE are pcri4d. in the life of
every married man when he is
turned for the time being into
Il Rrase bachelor
Evening star., 1923-07-15

uTHAT also shall be accomplished
soonly," narrate Hon. Kicka-
shima- Hon, Edw. w. Box, x-editor,
have Offered 1o0,0oos prize for best
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-18
CALLAHAN TO TALK
TO CARROLL COUNCIL

/ =
Carroll Council. Knights Of Co
lunabus, will assemble Tuesday
evening in knights Of Columbus
Hail. with Grand knight James T.
Ryan presiding. t.3
ID. ). Callahan, supreme treas
ur1r, knights 81 Columbus. viii be
present to deliver 4 message Of
importance to Warrington mem
bsfs 81 the order a smoker win
follow the regular meeting. which
win begin at $50 o'clock.
Carroll Council win hold . Carni-
val dance Easter Monday under
direction OF william Walsh and his
lecturers committee. This dance
viii be held in Knights Of Column
bia Hall.
The knights OF Columbus Band
win entertain the membership of
Carroll Council Tuesday evening.
April IL, Past Grand knight
Francis 4. Mccain is arranging
special music for the occasion
Spalding Council, under direction
Of Grand Knight Thomas e. Cal
laher, met Thursday evening. SUI
prenne Treasurer D. Callahan
spoke.
The knights OF Columbus Band
entertained the membership. This
was the first time the band has
played in the presence OF one of
the supreme officers.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-18
Prisoners in D. C. Jail Want
Radio Set Installed, Need
$3.50: Citizens Help Asked

Anxious to while away the long
hours Of the evening and early
night BY getting wireless news and
etertainment by radio. the $50 pris.
oners in the District jail recently
signed q round robin urging upon
Major william /. Peak. assistant
superintendent, to install an appa-
ratus in the main corridor Of ths
Jail.
Finding no objections TO the sug.
kestion, Major Peak felt such an ar
rangement would not only buoy ZIP
the spirits Of many of the depressed
ana low spirited prisoners. but that II
would aid in bringing about better
discipline. He announced he was
sfos the rnoysrnent. But the quss-
ton arose as to where the money
WAS to come from to pay for the
apparatus, costing approximately
$3.50.
The prisoners tried to solve this
question. They dug in their pockets
and wrote to friends ana relatives
for funds. But not enough money
could be got together to pay Tor
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-18
.GR0T TO INITIATION
|. De TAILS COMPLETE
Short Form Ceremonial win
Be Performed at Pyth-
Ian Temple.

Monarch Henry j. Gompers ar-
Tiouncts that details are nearly
complete for the short-terrl ~ere.
Ynonial and entertainment of Kallip-
oils Grofto to be held at Pyfhiau
Tenpl4 on March Is. He says can
didates viii be initiated In short
form and the remainder Of the eve
ming given over to entertainment
features. He is keeping the enter
tAinnlent numbers secret.
Monarch Gompers asks the mem-
bership TO send in the petitions as
far IN advance OF the ceremonial
as possible. In order. that the neces-
sary preIinninaries may be gone
through. with In advances Of the
meeting.
Monarch Gonpers and his brother.
Prophet Samuel J. GQmpers. Jr..
have returned from New York.
having been summoned there BY the
iIiness Of their father. Prophet
Samuel Gompers, president OF the
American Federation Of Labor.
A large delegation OF the grott0
and members OF their families
attended services at the Eighth
Street Hebrew Temple Friday eve
ming, having been invited BY the
Rev. DR.. Abran4 Simon 10 hear his
address on Masonry ana Good
Fellowship"
Al record breaking attendance at
tested the popularity OF the series
az dances being given by the gr0fto
band and drill corps at the New
willard Hotel last night. The eos
TUNES ran decidedly to green IL
being termed j ST. Patrickss dance.
The next and last dance Of the
season viii be held on April III
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-18

70 radio outfit. However, q COM
pany agreed to Install one 40 an
experiment It went great. The
RADIO music, lectures, and other
entertainment features could Be
heard through the Jail, In the tar.
most cells.
But the radio company wanted
money Tor the apparatus. The
prisoners were unable to raise the
$3.50 and the outfit was removed.
Major Peak q few days ago re.
=ceived another appeal from the pris.
oners to try and arrange for the
OF q radio outfit in the
Jail. The District government has
no fund to finance the project and
the prisoners again arc digging in
their pockets TO see II enough
money can be gathered to pay for
the apparatus.
It has been suggested that there
are many Washington men aud
women who are intensely interested
in welfare work. particularly In the
prisone.s An appeal is made to them
10 help build up the prisoners fund.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-18
Students Revel
In Eastern Highs
New Facilities

GLASSES, organization &C
~ tivities. and athletics are
progressing at Eastern High
School so admirably, IL ID
pointed out. ~ Charles Hart,
principal. that zone would
hardly realize we, had moved. "
The transition from East.
ern's old building, II Seventh
and Pennsylvania avenue south.
east, to its new one &C Seven
. teenth and East Capitol streets.
has been accomplished 50
smoothly that there his been
no break In any Of the school
activities.
At present students are
adapting themselves I'd their
new quarters, 50 different
from those recently vacated.
and, according 10 instructors,
are enjoying the many con.
veniences of the new building,
especially the gyn1nasinms:
7 go -