The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-04-30
Says Older w oman Must Adopt Role of Peacemaker
Dorothy Dir
Mother-in-Law Must Cease to Meddle and Give Advice Before She Can Expect to Be Welcomed
 by the Young Couple

live with her in-law because she has no other place in which to lay her head. The question, then. becomes one of how to make the best of a bad situation.
 So far as the merits of the quarrel between in-laws stand, it is a fifty fifty proposition. There are quite B many disagreeable sons-in-law as there are unpleasant mothers in law. There are just as many mean, hate ful, nagging daughters-in-law as there are mean, hateful, nagging much the duty of the party of the first part to try to be tactful and courteous and agreeable to the party of the second part as it is the other way around.
 But the difficulty in real life is that it doesn't pay to wait for justice to be done us, and we can never collect what is due us. It is always the condition, and not the theory, With which we have to deal
 Ihis puts the in-law probl up to the mother-in-law to solve It is no more her business to do so than it is the business of the young ones. Only If 1t is done, she must do it.
 She must do it because she is the one in this poignant human triangle who is best fitted to do it. She is older, wiser. more experienced. more farseeing. Life, unless she is an utter fool, has disciplined her and taught her selfcontrol and finesse and tact.
 Unfortunately. the mother-in-law does not often see the situation from this point of view. The arrogance of age makes her set herself upon a pedestal and expect youth to bow before 1t. Just because she is older she demands that her in-laws make all the concessions. They must make the advances, they must conciliate her, they must defer to her wishes and judgment they must handle her with velvet gloves.
 And youth doesn't know how to do it. Youth lacks adroitness. It lacks perception. It lacks philosophy ana sense of humor, and patience and understanding. and a thousand other qualities that it needs to en- able it to skate over the thin ice of delicate domestic difficulty with out breaking through. It takes years and years of study and living to turn out finished diplomat, and that is what every successful in-law must be-
 There is a general belief among mothers that the youths and maidens who marry their sons and daughters come into their families with chips oIi tHclI lnlS IS a m1Stake. Most young people are anxious for mother-inlaE to approve than, and they respond enthusiastically to her overtEres; but if she wants a fight, she can have it. Mother-in-la law can pass out the olive branch or nail up the black flag. just as she chooses.
 Considering the profits and emolu- ments that will be hers-if she wins the affections of her in-laws, and the bitterness and sorrow that will be her portion if she incurs their dis like. it is strange that so few women ever think it worth while to take the trouble of making friends instead of enemies of their children's hus- bands and wives. It is simple thing to do. It just calls for a little fore hearance. little self effacement d ticn.
 Every woman knows. generally from her own experience, that the thing that renders mother law the most unwe1come guest that ever comes under any roof if her uncon- querable mania for bossing. She's bound to put her finger in every pie. She interferes with everything that everybody does. She hands out ad- vice by the ton.
 Every woman knows that young people loathe this beyond measure, and that nothing on earth SO gets on their nerves like being told just where to get off. They feel that they have a perfect right to manage their own affairs in their own way. More rover. they do have this right, and any mother who will respect 1t, and who will neither give advice. nor meddle with the housekeeping, cannot only get along with her in-laws, but they will Farise and call her blessed.
 It 10 the mothers-in- law who must be the peacemakers, and their re- ward is that not only do they win their in-laws. but they keep their own children.
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