Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-08-03
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World
BY r. B. HUNT
e Service Writer

WASHINGTON - Knowledge"
| says Tom Marshall, ex-vice presiden'
! tial philosopher, lis, after all, rela-
tive
In proof of which the Hoosier
sage cites the following recent ex-
| perience while exploring the wilds of
the Cape Cod country.
IT was trying to get to Barnstable
from Yarmouth, by way of Cumma-
quid," Marshall says, when l lost
my way. Finally, however. l met a
] typical Cap Colder amblins aim
! lessly along the road. Thinking ne
surely could give me my bearings,
l hailed him.
".How do I go to get to Barn
stable?' I asked. And about how
far is it?'
'The native stopped, looked at me
blankly for a moment, spat and
shook his head.
"Daon't knaow,' he drawled.
"'Well, how far is it to Cumma-
quld?' I asked.
"Daon't knaow that, either
"'You don't know very much, do
you? l said, exasperated by the TEL
lows apparent lack of interest.
"'Well, mebby not; mebby not,
he said. But l amt lOSt!
William A. Ayres of Wichita, Kas.,
who returns to Congress this fall
after having been sidetracked tenn
porarily by a Republican, made his
first congressional campaign back IN
1914, when the Bull Moosers were
still rampant in the Sunflower state.
Called on one afternoon While
--.-- .1,,-L N epna11 fnuun for a
few pertinent political remarks.
Ayres climbed up on the nearest
available elevation, which happened
to be some new-fangled ~contraption
standing in front of the towns farm
Implement store. AS he squared
away and cleared his throat for the
speech, he noticed a wave of smiles
and then open outlaws sweep
through the audience.
"'Smatter?' he inquired, soto
voice, of a henchman at his heels.
Don't you know what that is
you're standing on 2" came the Whis-
pered answer That's a manure
spreader."
Talk about working the old bean!
Right there's where William A
Ayres showed the populace how
quickly his could sprout!
"Ladeez and gentlemen" he be-
gan without hesitation. This is the
hrst time 1 ver made a speech from
a Bull Moose platform"
1.-The most successful speech ]
ever made in my life," Ayres reml-
nisces, as he recalls tina eventful
moment in his career.
!, John N. Tillman of Fayetteville,
Ark, who represents the Third dis
trict in Congress, volunteers to in
form wondering Republicans why
southern and western farmers are
on the var path.
> John Huls, a neighbor of mine
bought six bushels of rye for Seed
Tillman says. at cost him 60 cents
r a bushel, or $3.50. But when he
[ went to the depot to get it he found
a freight bill of Sc or 81 a bushel
John just naturally can't figure how
either he or the fellow who sold him
the rye got a square deal. He sort
thinks something's wrong.
also, another neighbor of mine
, raised a lot of fine early watermel-
ons this spring. He planted the
seed, tended EN-, fought the bugs
and got Z cents apiece for 'em in the
field. The railroad got 81 cents
apiece for hauling EN- to New York
and the folks who bought 'em there
paid $3.50 each!"
Representative Roy Fitzgerald o.
;. Ohio, who served as a captain of in
fantry in the A. L. F., when he
weighed in at Dayton recently pre-
paratory to fulfilling his duties al
: an officer in the reserve with a few
weeks service at Camp Knox, found
to his horror that, as a ~liesurelI
: legislator, he had acquired altogether
too much weight for a risky fight
t err. The scales showed 230 pounds
which was at least 80 pounds too
much.
Q The resulting regiment to which
r the Buckeye congressman subjected
himself, left out nothing ever trieC
by Dempsey. Willard, Gibbons, Fir
DO or other occasional reducers. AM
It it was a happy Fitzgerald who go
by inspection without a call-dowl
from his colonel. He took OFF jus
80 pounds to do 1t.