davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-20

anybody else lost?" asked the
Twins when they had found George
Porgie Pee Wee and brought him
back safely to Pee Wee Land under
the burdocks.
"Well. l should say So" answered
King Snookums. Jimmy jumper
went off riding on grasshopper last
night and hasn't been heard of since"
"Then we'll take our magic shoes
and go and find him." said Nick.
~Come on, Nancy"
So they went away.
First of all they went 10 the stub
Bile field where the grasshoppcrs
loved to play. And they asked MI the
grasshoppers if anybody had seen
Jimmy Jumper, the lost Pee Wee
boy.
YES. did," cried Stilty Spring
legs. splitting tobacco juice on tho
ground beside him in his excitement.
HE asked me to take him for a ride
and l did. We had lots OF fun jump
ing fences and playing leap frog with
the other grasshoppers, N every
thing so l came home"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-20

Next the Twins came to the pasture
lot where the cows were.
Did you see Jimmy Jumper any
where" Nancy asked Bessie Cow
who was chewing and chewing at
nothing at all while she lay under
q tree.
Bessie Cow shook her head before
she answered. NO, / haven't, but ii
you get this bug out of my ear III
help you to hunt. 1t crawled in there
last night, just after milking time
and can't get it out-no matter
low hard l shake my head"
Sure we'll help you," cried Nick.
."Now hold as still as you can while
l get my lightnipg-bug flashlight.
There. That's the way. Oh. my
goodness alive! Look who's here"
No wonder he WIS surprised. For
out crawled Jimmy Jumper Pee Wee
right out OF Bessie Cows ear
Goodness. was tired" he yawn-
ed THAT was the incest, warmcst.
softest bed I've had for coon's age"
Ito BE COntinued.)
Copyright, 1923 NEA Service, Incl
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-08-20
By CONDO

81 like stonrc
that fight We'll you're the who replied
he asked the
Fall of the men on board ship merely call Kettles"
@An right" smiled Jack then III And
to
told to the deck (Ccninud)
Evening star., 1923-04-12
The Veterans Bureau.

Investigation and adjustment Of the
Veterans Bureau 60 steadily on and
will, no doubt, make the institution
Of great service to disabled veterans.
There IL much talk Of dishonesty. If
there has been dishonesty, or If there
is dishonesty In handling affairs of
the institution, the investigating COM
nittee and the present executive Of
the bureau can be trusted to expose
and correct Il. It may be fair as.
sumption that overemphasis has been
laid on dishonesty. IL by that word
IL meant misappropriation and Grim.
inal nisapplication OF money. When
things seem to go wrong In q public
institution and dissatisfaction with its
administration spreads the cry Of dis.
honesty Is nearly always raised and
very often the charges are not sus.
tained. Lack Of coordination, dupli.
cation Of work, delay in acting on pub.
lie business and the ill-functioning, or
non-functioning, Of the machine give
rise to charges Of dishonesty. The
Veterans Bureau was an institution
that was brought into being with all
the speed possible and at time OF
national stress. The work it was
called on to do was new. The force
Evening star., 1923-04-12
western ana southern exposure.

western and southern exposure. I,
has a shady garden about 1t, and 1t il
far enough back from the car tracks
to be reasonably free from noise. II
has running water, electric lights and
telephone. To the average Wash
ingtonian 1t appears to be fairly
comfortable house, In spite Of the fact
that 1t is one Of the very old resi-
dences Of the city and not at all mod.
ern In its architecture. The neighbor.
hood is not as fashionable as 1t was
fifty or a hundred years ago. but neigh
borhoods never are. The White House
has been kept In a reasonable state
Of repair, and 1t Is said that some very
pleasant people have lived there.
To the Washingtonian who lives in
q modern fiat, which means u small
one, and who takes seven days vaca-
ton each summer at Chesapeake
Beach, Colonial Beach or Piney Point,
the White House seems to be a place
which might be made very cool and
comfortable in summer. An electric
fan might be installed and fly screens
put up. Some rocking chairs and a
rubber plant might be brought out on
the front porch and hammock could
be rugged up on the lawn between the
Avenue and the front door.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
Public and the Blossoms.

The captain Of park police reports
to the superintendent Of public build
ings and grounds that not one person
has been seen this season breaking
the Towering cherry trees in Poto-
mac Park, and he says: I'VE appre-
ciate the cooperation Of the public"
1t Is pleasant to have this bouquet
tossed to the Washington public, but
how much 1t is deserved Is a question.
There may be a bit Of flattery in it..
Behind those blooming cherry trees
stands the majesty Of the law and
close to the majesty stands a police
man with shining shield and a big
stick. In the case of blossoming
cherry trees In public park the pub
lie has learned that discretion is bet.
ter than blossoms. Perhaps if the
police power were not SO near those
trees the devoted public would rip
them up root and branch. It is rea-
sonable to believe that If those cherry
trees were growing by the side Of an
old road or on q bit Of unguarded pri.
vate land near road the public would
not be so respectful. It is the ex-
perience Of dogwood. redbud, vibur.
mum and all other blooming shrubs
and trees growing in the woods and
fields that the public, though it may
be appreciative, Is ruthless.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
Out Upon the Ticklers!

Two usual carnival features are to
be excluded from the celebration Of
Shrine week, and their exclusion will
not be regretted by the great mass
Of people. Ticklers and confetti are
under the ban. There is no harm in
ticklers, and confetti may be delight
full, but often in using these things
men go too far. The play often gets
too rough. The roughneck finds in
these things opportunities which he
does not find in other ways. The
Commissioners i'll approving Il regula-
ton banning ticklers and confetti will
have the thanks of most of the people
of the District. In the matter Of street
venders there is to be another inno-
walton which will be commended.
Hawkers Of all those things which are
hawked in big, gay crowds will not be
allowed in the congested district,
which the regulations define as being
bounded by 7th and 18th, B and K
streets. And even outside Of this dis
trict they are not to cry their wares
before in the morning nor after 10
at night.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
THE WAYS OF WASHINGTON
BY WILLIAM PICKETT HELM.

Down at the great white building
where Uncle Sam grants letters patent
to the original-minded Of the world
there Is many a chamber OF horrors
wherein bleach the bones Of brain-ch I'LL
dren gone wrong.
Queer things and bizarre, useful
things, utterly hopeless things have
been patented by tens of thousands.
Nobody ever utilizes such things. No
manufacturer ever cuts the dies for the
great invention. The patent is bestow-
ed' runs its allotted course and dies
with never the light of day to revive
the inventors hopes.
other patents, not in the chamber Of
horrors, are diverting in their origi-
nality. Sometimes they are practical,
sometimes not, but always they are
original. For Uncle Sam tries never to
grant a monopoly on any other kind of
thought.
| had walked up three times that
morning, twice by the alarm clocks Of
my neighbors and once by my own.
Wfth the thought that there ought to
be law against vagrant alarms at 6: 80
ana 6:45 in the morning, 1 went down
10 the patent office and asked to see
something neat and snappy in the line
OF substitutes for alarm clocks.
ihey trotted out patent No. $50, ,e2S
Inc inventor claimed that the ordinary
alarm clock OF commerce either awak-
eHed people with a shock or failed to
awake them altogether
by the use of my invention" read
an entlcing clause of his claim "the
person is awakened suddenly and with
OUT shock Of any kind whatever"
something We'll worth having. How
does it work?
THE device consists" read the in
yentors description. "of placing Il per-
forated hose about the neck OF a person
ana having the end of the hose Connect
ed with u cup of water located on an
eIeVated shelf so that the water can
grayitate to the person.
"A valve which is normally closed
controls the flow of water from the Gun
INTO the hose. The valve is opened by
the action OF an alarm clock"
BUT read no further. Here was not
ohiy an alarm clock, but cold water, the
idea being that the clock, shorn of its
bells. starts the water trickling down
the sleeper's neck.
The Inventor is perfectly secure in his
cLaiin. one certainly cannot lie in bed
after that contraption goes off.
Then there was another one-patent
no. l,ZS3,lO2. granted to a resident of
New Haven. o
Again the familiar alarm clock. minus.
once more, dts noise maker But in the
place of the bell there was a long, up-
standing arm of light metal with a soft
ball on the end.
The hour for arising comes. the
clock springs the mechanism that CON
trolls the arm, the arm drops and the
soft ball hits the sleeper in the face.
mere was a neat little picture Illus
trattng the thing. The man in the
picture got hit one inch west of the
off eye.
ther away the ball would have pIump-
Evening star., 1923-04-12
vas quickly gathered and it could not

was quickly gathered and it could not
be that every officer and employe
should be fitted to his task. Theories
and conflicting theories concerning
disqualification and rehabilitation were
forced upon the bureau with good in
tentions and it is believed that some
Of the theories did not work well in
practice. There has no doubt been
considerable confusion. Gen. Frank
7. Hines, the director, has spoken
frankly and makes changes from day
to day in the interest of veterans.
Gen. O'Ryan, general counsel for the
special Senate committee OF investi-
cation, is industrious in seeking waste
and inefficiency. 1t is very likely that
much of the dishonesty" charged will
be found due merely to inefticiency
and that much of the inefficiency was
due to the necessarily hasty organi-
zation of the bureau and the newness
of the work 1t was called on to do.
Meanwhile the director and his staff
deserve the thanks Of service men and
their friends for their zeal in setting
the affairs Of the bureau in order.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
Immunity Against Diphtheria

The District health depar tmen:
would take an advanced step in estab
fishing q free clinic at which all chill,
dren could be examined as to their i'm.
munity from or susceptibility to
diphtherta, and at which. should their
susceptibility be determined, they
could be inoculated against the dis
case. A proposal to test the children
Of the public schools and to inocu-
late them against diphtheria will
probably be taken up by the health
officers with the school authorities.
Diphtherta was once one OF the chill
dren's scourges and the mortality rate
was high. Means Of treating the dis
ease have been applied by which the
mortality rate has been very greatly
reduced, but the disease is still COM
mon and still to be feared. The
method proposed by the health de-
partment is along the lines Of preven.
ton, like incubation against typhoid
and other diseases. incubation against
typhoid and smallpox has proved ef-
fective, and the number Of lives saved
Is beyond estimate. On the word of
the health department incubation
against diphtheria Is not an ex-
pertinent. It has been proved to
render a person immune for q long
period, and the only difference Of opin-
ion among physicians Is as to the
duration Of Immunity.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
The Rum Runners.

It is gratifying to note that the
British government is taking official
cognizance Of the practice Of vessels
flying the flag Of Great Britain hover
ing OFF the coast of the United States,
laden with liquors eventually to be
discharged into American small craft
to be smuggled into this country i'll
violation Of the Constitution and the
statute. Announcement was made in
the house of commons yesterday by
Donald Mcneil, undersecretary for
foreign affairs, that representations
upon the subject had been made by
the American government and that
his own government had the subject
in hand. Mr.. McNeill went on to say
that it "is very difficult for his maj
esty's government to interfere with
the legitimate export Of any articles
from British territory, especially as
action by the British government
alone would merely drive the trade
into other channels
The question arises whether the ex-
portation Of liquors known to be des-
tined for ultimate smuggling into the
United States can be described as
legitimate exportation. The plea that
If Britain abandoned the trade some
other nation would take 1t over does
not ring convincingly. However, the
fact that the British government is
alive to the spirit Of comfy expected
to exist between two friendly nations
is something to the good in this vexa-
tious situation.
The undersecretary for foreign af-
fairs pointed out that the smuggling
Of the contraband ashore was done by
American small boats, from which it
might be inferred that Mr.. Mcneil
was by way Of suggesting that per-
haps we would do we'll to carry on a
little housecleaning ourselves. The
point is we'll taken and official indica-
tions are that governmental agencies
may be co-ordinated in the direction
Of suppressing the smugglers.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
The White House,

Now that the President has re-
turned to Washington after his happy
sunshine outing we may soon hear
Of the proposal to have summer
capital. AS soon as the weather turns
warm and pleasant the summer capi.
tai idea comes up. It seems TO b the
Impression Of many persons that the
c"hssto House is q most uncomfortable
place to five IN when the daisies bloom
and the peaches blush. So far as
Washington knows there Is nothing
seriously wrong with the White House.
1t is an old house, and it may not
have the up-to-date appointments to
be found in the new homes Of Wash.
ington. but 1t has a covered porch.
and windows giving northern. eastern,
Evening star., 1923-04-12

ed him squarely in the lamp. Tho
possibilities gave that invention q
black eye SO faras was concerned.
Perhaps you are afraid Of being
buried alive" politely inquired the
attendant.
Now. that sounded reasonable.
There's no telling when a fellow may
be buried. Suppose the Undertaken
should be hurrying to keep another
date?
Here's an electrically lighted cof-
fin." announced my guide. Some
thing that Will give you n second
chance" So We examined patent No.
901. .407.
The picture showed a gentleman in
position to profit by the invention.
You would hardly think him dead as
he lay there. The slick idea came in
at his feet. From that section of his
last abode there protruded a peri
properly placed electric lights
Should person be buried alive"
the specifications read, "the same will
be observed by watchers looking at
the mirror at the top of the peri
scope"
Cute little idea and so sprightly.
Rather hard, 1t is true. on the watch
ers, but think of the satisfaction to
the watchee!
But what's that pipe running down
"Oh, that" the attendant explained,
is to give him air"
MAYBE you're interested in bank
robbing." was the next suggestion
IF so, don't fail to look at our man
catching tank, patent No. 1892, ,O95."
The man-catching tank, in it's wild
state, has much the shape of the
furnace cellar, minus its attractive
points. It's only good-looking fea-
ture is its somewhat tapering waist
and that is good looking only be-
! cause there isn't SO much of IL to see.
1t stands about eight feet tall, is
made wholly of thick metal and is
! intended for the watchman to wear
1t is portable and can be steered by
| the wearer wherever his fancy or
the eXigencies of the occasion re-
| quire.
There is a convenient hole in the
tank through which the watchman
peeps, and another through which he
| pokes his gun TO shoot the hapless
| burglar.
"One of the most important fea-
lures" read the specifications, "is
that 1t not only permits him to at
| tack the burglar by weapons or the
like, but 1t includes novel catching
and holding device.
BY means of such device the bur-
glar may be chased. grabbed and
held safely until assistance arrives"
Two rutnleSS arms that gather the
! burglar In close metallic hug are
the handspring Of that part of the
invention. Having caught the bur-
glar, the next step is to dispose Of
I him.
Il wish to direct attention" the
! inventor goes on. that mechanism in
the form of a push button or the like
may be used to call for assistance.
This mechanism includes wires which
may lead to a police station"
Giving the police, OF course, the
| finish.
Evening star., 1923-04-12
EDITORIAL DIGEST

with the dissertation" OF the tomb
Of course" the Wheeling Intelligencer
comedies. that the Egyptians OF
deadly poison in some of the boxes
OF Jewels in the Pharaoh's tomb,
which, when touched by human
hands, would bring, death. 1t is pos
cause OF Lord Carnarvon's death"
Those old chaps at least, as does the
east to this day. know more about
poisons than is in the modern text
pooks, the knickerbocker Press CAL
bany) suggests.
or even an unfnstructed inhabitant
OF the Nile valley should accept
theories of this sort, It would not be
surprising" to the Detroit Free Press.
The surprise comes when 'one finds
in great centers Of civilization edu-
Gated men and women ready at
mere hint to invoke theory of dis
ease invented to meet the intellectual
needs of the stone age" While
"skeptics laugh" however, the Sioux
City Journal suggests that "the thing
Is very real to many persons who are
famous for their learning" and II is
because such unQuestionably intel
ligent people as Arthur Conan Doyle
and Marie Corelli talk sagely about
the curse Of the Pharaohs'" that the
for wonder far SURPRISING any arous-
ed by the relics found in Tutankh-
amen's tomb.
1T is exceedingly easy for anybody
to laugh at the superstitions OF the
other fellow" the Nashville Banner
is no real Significance attached to su-
perstitions, but there are really very
few OF US who are not more or less
Influenced by them" Lord Carnar-
von's death was the result of "pneu-
monia or nemesis" the Norfolk Vir-
verdict is pneumonia" But that YER
dict is pronounced with "subconscious
| reservations suitable to an age that
still hates to walk under q ladder;
that still avoids raising an umbrella
In room; that declines as q matter
OF course to seat thirteen at q table:
that hangs swastikas from watch
chains: that knocks wood. and. in
many sections OF rural United States.
still seeks to locate underground
water with forked twigs." And the
Providence Tribune surmises that
superstition connected with the epi-
sode would not light three on one
match"
Even accepting without reseryw-
tion the diagnosis Of pneumonia ard
tainly have a better formula for
treating than King Tut dreamed Of"
II is still possible, the Omaha World
Herald suspects, that "thirty-fve
hundred years from now medical sci
ence may have formulae which will
demonstrate many things now dark
to US. II we smile at some ancient
superstitions. no doubt history will re-
peat itself ages hence in that our de-
soendants may smile at our Ignorance
OF cause and e6eot.'
Evening star., 1923-04-12
"The Curse Of the Pharaohs
Holds the Worlds Attention.

From the opening OF the tomb of
Tutankhamen to the tragic climax In
the death Of Lord Carnarvon. this
Egyptian epic" declares the Buffalo
Times. has been 'as wild as anything
IN Arabian Nights" Indeed, the dra-
matte touch colors the whole story
to such an extent that even while
practical twentieth century common
sense and scientific knowledge scout
the legend Of "the curse of the
Pharaohs," the feeling that there
may. after all. be more things in
heaven and earth than are dreamed
of in our philosophy" underlies some
Of the soberest editorial comment.
Belittle the ancient superstition as
we may. the Utica Press still feels
that there is something enigmatic in
the death Of this student OF archie
ology, coming 80 soon upon the heels
Of his great discovery" In any event.
the New York Evening World finds
that "the circumstances OF Lord Car
narvon's death almost overshadow
the fact itself. Lord Carnarvon was
only a man-a fine example. but only
an individual. Superstition is some
thing bigger. 1t 10 a part Of mankind
in the mass, and older than history"
and, the Lynchburg (Va-) Advance
adds, his death will. until time i'm
memorial. be associated with the
queer and fantastic superstitions Of
the natives of Egypt" "Superstitions
die slowly, II they ever die" says the
Lexington Leader. "Those who pride
themselves most upon their emanci-
patton find, upon occasion. that from
some unexplored depths the dark
hand Of magic and necromancy, which
played 50 great q part In the lives of
our remote ancestors. is thrust up
to disturb the Processes OF reason and
common sense"
The orient. the st. Paul Pioneer
Press reminds us. "is essentially the
home Of superstition" and 1t is. there
tive construction" has been put upon
the death Of tho explorer. and that
weird legends and tales have been
brought forth to explain 1t. 1t is
merely folklore and myth that as
cribes the insect bite that resulted
In Carnarvon's death to "the resent
ment of the ancient deities," and "the
form of the protest, too, is entirely
consistent with the age and surround
ings. 1t is just about the way a deity,
Of the upper Nile would perform"
But that mosquito bite, interpreted by
present day knowledge, merely illus
trates to the Flint (Mich.) Journal
that a germ is far more to be feared
than q curse" for, as the Pittsburgh
Sun puts II, "the witches broth Is
not so potent nor 50 real"
There IL another theory put forth
TO connect Caxnarvon's death directly