davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-07-14
The World
WeLiveI In
BY Dave Sentner.

A LII the roasting isn't done
"A in the kitchen of a sum-
- - mer hotel.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

If the prohibition amendment
had included free speech, William
J.. Bryan would have been out of
luck.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14
DID yEVER

Did fever break your neck to
get a dance with a stunning girl
whom you had never seen before
and have her turn out to be the
worst partner you had ever
danced with?
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

When a golf player talks things
over with amateur fishermen
Ananias puts his head under the
covers.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Hickory Hoople says he makes
his lace curtains out of moth
eaten tablecloths.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

zone should always decide
which side is right before he pro-
ceeds." advised the philosophical
friend.
But, bedad," objected Murphy
''the foight might be over by that
time. American Legion Weekly
Old Colored Mammy-"Ise wants
a ticket TO- Florence"
Ticket agent (after ten minutes
Of weary thumbing over railroad
guidesl-"Where is Florence?"
Old Colored Mammy-Settln
over dar on de bench. Prince
ton Tiger.
What you might call "knocNl"S
out a good living"
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Finding a needle in haystack
has nothing on trying to find the
right key in the keyring.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

With a beautiful poetess, look
at her lines closely. ....
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

An egotist is a man who would
make a new one-way street out of
the Lincoln Highway if he hap
pened to be going that way.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

mark Is Below Austrian
Crown''-headline. Uneasy lies the
brow that wears the crown.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Shakspeare's landlord lowers
the rent, 1892. Will goes home
and writes "A Midsummer Nights
Dream"
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

A youth with his first fuzzy
mustache has nothing on the
owner of a suburban garden.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

With two different girls, don't
let them know about it.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Adam Smith writes the Wealth
of Nations" 1876. Receives 81 in
royalties, 1880.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Keenie Femme says a summer
girls idea of a catastrophe is to
have it rain while she's in her
bathing suit.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

The Garden of Eden was named
before chickens.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

We take matches away from
child, but forget to take away
the middle of the street.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

The only good substitute for
gasoline is footwear.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Sheiks invade Egypt, 200 B. c.
Invade the United States, 1923.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Enterprising editors begin 10
print poetry without paying writ
ers for it, 1850. Origin of free
verse.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Heartbeats are now visible, ac-
cording to medical discovery.
Bluffing in a poker game in the
future will require a man to sit
on the floor.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

People who live in glass houses
shouldn't throw dice.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Jose Perez tries to get Peru,
1859. Puts on his summer I'M
derwear and gets Chile, 1861.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

With fat lady, don't take her
out in a canoe.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

In Christian countries we don't
make our bandits take to, the
mountains.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Chinese embassy received at
Washington, 1858. Negotiations
opened for bargain sale of fire
crackers.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

Eddy Kett says q the best way
to carry yourself in society is to
be twins.
The Washington times., 1923-07-14

The only friend that mosquito
has is the rhinoceres.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01

served, within the zone of our juris- diction over the water. Under the law as it stands wet sea-stores, and csrgoes as well, are exempt when transported through the Panama Ca nal"
 According to the Chattanooga News, "it will be helpful to the coun- try to have an object lesson from the highest authority to prove that, de- spite the seriousness of the issue, the laws are to be enforced against na- tions as we'll as against individuals. If there is a question of international law involved, as is claimed by some, then such law should be tested in the regular way. As it stands now we have law against bringing stores of liquor in foreign ships to UT ports, and until competent authority has decided that we have no right to make and enforce such law, we have got to enforce it. If we do not we need not expect it's enforcement against in- dividuals. Government, at least, may not indulge in the 'speak-easy' busi- ness."
 Perhaps the suggestion of the News is as wise as any. Either we can en- force our national law within our ju- risdictfon, or we cannot. It is time we were finding out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01

ranks of these come more than eighty per cent. of the criminals who fill our jails and penitentiaries. Of the half million men and women in our corrective institutions, more than 300,O00 were sent there on account of neglect in childhood"
 While these are national figures, the problem itself is local one for every city and community. Early mal- nutrition and bad health environment not only carry off many babies an- nually, but they also impair the health and morals of twice as many more, all because of neglect or ignorance or poverty, all of which could be pre- vented by proper attention. What will Birmingham do as regards her share of this reproach and this prob lem?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
VICTIMS OF BROTHERS HAVE A REMEDY

| pie be applied to profiteering? Those who complain that the gov ernment has done nothing have not stopped to consider what the result of governmental action might be upon their own affairs. l would not be understood as de- nying that there are corporations and persons in America who are charging eXorbitant prices, prices which would result under the moral law in their conviction. But I contend that no government such as ours can fix the line be- tween a fair return and excess sive profit. unless 1t fixes it for every man, every business, every trade. every profession. This would be a difficult thing to do, as difficult as to take over all the business and resources of America, designate each citizens task and stipulate his compensa- tion. Those who talk about the government stopping profiteering are unconsciously talking about communism. They are talking about the other fellow while the other fellow at the same time Is talking about them. It Is human nature to wish regulation and re- straint of some one else.
 We had no such troubles as these before the war. We had scoundrels and crooks, of course, and many went unwhipped of jus tice, but, nevertheless, we had people who very largely took nP too high, we did not buy so much of it; if clothing was too high, we wore last years suit; if building material was too high, we continued to live in the old house; if lawyers were too ex- pensive, we pleaded guilty; if tickets to uplift lectures cost too much, we stayed at home and read what the papers had to say about them. We had one univer- sal panacea for much of the profi- teering of life, not then so desig- mated. We said, we can't af- ford it," and straightway forgot that we ever desired 1t. Elimi- hating infants, insane persons and Indians, who go untaxed, most of us are getting more than we deserve, and are being com pelled to pay more than we ought to for everything we buy But poor old Uncle Sam has about all the business that he can look after in meeting the interest on our debt, and preserving our lives and property. 1t Is up to us to exculpate our government from responsibility for our condition 4 Each of us must determine folS himself, what he can do withou& and not suffer, how much less hk can take and still live.
 l(Copyright, 1923, by 21st Century, Press)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01

and whatever adds tc. 1t does that much toward further assurance of the ad- vantages which the district enjoys compared with others. The elevated character of the railroad will entail large initial cost, but the avoidance of all grade crossings, besides elimi- hating danger to human beings, also cuts out traffic delays and will allow prompt movement of ore from the mines to blast furnaces without stop. The economy is two-fold one. This kind of development is of great per manent service to the district and har- monizes with the many previous de- velopments of the same company, which have fitted in neatly with one another and have added to the econ omy of iron and steel operations.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
By THOMAS R. MARSHALL, Former Vice President of the
 United States

The man who devotes himself exclusively to the scientific part of his calling has difficulty in understanding the lack Of gem eral interest in it. He has pity, if not contempt, for the uninittate. So absorbed in his pursuit is he that he cannot understand the viewpoint of the outsider. Take, for instance. the medical prnfes- sion. For a time every latent disorder in the human body was directly traceable to bad teeth. Further disclosures led to the conclusion that many ills were caused by enlarged tonsils. At the moment the thyroid gland of every sick man Is under suspi- cion. These shifts of opinion, well understood by scientists, prove nothing against the great service which the medical fra ternity is rendering to mankind. But the ordinary man has not time to investigate and become convinced of the truth of each succeeding theory. He is apt to believe none of them or to accept them all as expressions of the best and latest thought.
 The man who devotes himself exclusively to a subject can very readily change his view as new light comes to him. But adjust ment to latest thought is not easy for the average man. He often hesitates to accept some thing new for fear 1t may not be true. He hesitates, also, be- cause his experience has taught that it is easier to accumulate knowledge than 1t is to get rid of it, just as it is easier to ac- quire habit than to dispose of 1t. Scholars of English, pure and undefiled, will lapse into the use of impure language. TheNac- emulation of the correct was not difficult for them, but it was a palimpsest, and every once in a while the original will show through. What is true of science and of language is true also of manners. morals and customs. 6ut 1t is not true of responsi- .ility. That is one thing that either an individual or society .nifts easily. The lessons of self :eliance are readily forgotten.
 Frequently we ride a word un- Gil 1t becomes swaybacked, just like we ride a hobby to death. Ever since we got into the war we have been using the word "profiteer" to condemn the man whose business methods did not suit us. Yet, no one has accu- rate defined a profiteer. If, by
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
STYLES IN SPECTACLES

It is announced that styles in glasses are to become as fixed as those governing the selection and wearing of hose, hats, sweaters, ct cetera. The opometrists held a con- vention in Chicago the other day, and demonstrated to their own satisfac- ton, at least, that glasses are not all together to aid sight, but that they have a place in the world of fashion. A large assortment were on display. No automobile show could have been marked by greater variety of design and suggestion. It was explained that glasses should be so selected and worn as to conform in design, shape and color to social and other condi- tions. Special separate goggles were recommended for golfing, gardening, dancing, swimming and all through the list of activities. A special shape and frame is chosen for betting par ties where there may be danger of entanglement with hair nets or other useful and ornamental accessories Dark rims are not in style after dark" declared one expert, and he added that certain types must be available to satisfy demand for good taste.
 Since this new wrinkle has come to notice, it might be suggested that one who is inclined to be pessimistic could wear blue glasses, while green would be suitable for victims of jealously, a distinctive red for the radically in- clined, yellow for the stacker, and so on. By such a system people could be more easily assigned to their proper positions in the various activi- ties and conditions of life. Meantime the geniuses who introduced the styles might supply their special needs for funds. It is hard to suppress re- sourceful folk engaged in enlarging their field at the expense of personal vanity. Fortunes have been made that way. The man who first finds out what is "good form" should be entitled to some reward, it would seem. Think, too, what public con- venience to be able to classify folks as respects their social, financial, po- litical or other affiliations by the shape, color, material or twist of their glasses! It would be even easier than to have to study the fabric, design, finish and probable cost of their nec- essary outward apparel.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
PEOPLES FORUM
Ministers and Our Lease System

Ministers and Our Lease System To the Editor of The Age-Herald:
 The Lafayette Sun says: "So few people know the truth about the convict system in Alabama that we suggest that every minis ter who intends preaching on the subject be sent to some convict camp and get the information first hand. If every minister will visit the convicts, there will be fewer sermons on the system" For the benefit of the proponents of this system, may l suggest that they keep the preachers out of the convict coal mines? I have lived at a convict coal mine; I have seen and heard enough to make me opposed to keeping convicts in the mines. Tho Sun protests against ministers opposing this system, because Governor Bran don is for it and he is a deacon and superintendent of a Sunday school.
 Young boys convicted of minor crimes are often killed in these mines before they learn to take
 
 solation to their parents to know that a deacon and Sunday school superintendent is in favor of ex- posing other peoples boys to the same hazard, But we are told by those in favor of the system that mining is not a hazardous occu- patton. You can't make a man who has helped bury as many coal miners as l have believe that. Concerning the general proposi- tion of leasing convicts, J know nothing. But l know enough about coal mines, both free and convict, to make me believe I am doing my Christian duty by oppos- ing the system" in the pulpit and out. And since the Sun offers suggestions to ministers, let me return the favor by stressing what wrote in the beginning. Don't let the preachers go in the mines. Better let them talk to the war den on Sunday.
 (Rev.) ARTHUR BLAKE.
 Blocton, Ala, June 26, 1923.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
Penalties or Discountss

(Selma Times JournaD
 People prefer to think that they are getting something for nothing and they are spurred to action more quickly than they are by the fear or knowledge that failure to act will cause them trouble later on. Tax payments are obligatory and unacceptable. If they are not made the all powerful state steps in and takes the property. But it Is contended that some method of allowing discounts for prompt payments would work wonders in assuring promptness in discharge of these vexatious duties. It Is believed that the discount plan would get
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
WORDS OF WISDOM

Do you know what a pessimist is?" "A man who thinks every body as nasty as himself. and hates them for it."-G. B. Shaw.
 Paint me as I am. If you leave out the sears and the wrinkles, I will pay you not a shingle.- Cromwell (remark to painter).
 An. me! the doctor who breaches is only taller than most of us by the height of the pulpit.-Thack- cray.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01

the word, we mean a man who Is charging too much for what we purchase from him, then the only difficulty about convicting him would be to find an impar- tial jury in America. But the word is so indiscriminately ap- piled that few escape it's condem- nation. The larger the salary of the professional uplifter, the more venomous is his attack upon those whom he calls profiteers. He overlooks the fact that those who serve the commonwealth enly in proportion to their com pensation are properly under the ban of public disapproval. What constitutes guilt in the matter of so-called profiteering? Who has said that a man shall make only 5, or 2 per cent on his in vestment? Who has dared since the war to fix any price beyond which 1t was declared men might not go In the making of profit? Yet 1t was because the necessi- ties of the war authorized, if they did not compel, the govern ment to fix profits that the word "profiteer' came to rest upon the lips of Americans. The gov ernment intervened in certain businesses, designated certain commodities and fixed prices be- yond which the individual was not permitted to go.
 1 n Il years have elapsed, and the word "profiteer" still remains as frisly as ever. Men growl and say the government should do something about profiteering. I do not at this time argue the question of governmental intervention. I concede what I believe not to be true-namely, that in a free gov ernment, such as ours, consti- tuted authority both can and should take charge of the pri- vate business of the citizen. Let us be measurably honest with ourselves. So far as I have found no person, whether business man, professional man or working man., whether on farm, in mill, mine or office, who has not eX- pressed belief that he was being underpaid, either for his services, his products or his labor, insult ficiently remunerated for his ac- tivities, whatever they were That has led me to wonder where all this profiteering that we are talking about comes from. Yes, the average citizen has a hard luck story of profiteers, how they have imposed upon him and ta- ken from him such increased re- turns as he succeeded in getting
 Orthodoxy has been said to be my doxy. and heterodoxy your doxy. May not the same princi-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
ANOTHER STEEL ECONOMY

The elevated ore-carrying railroad, which the Tennessee Coal, Iron and Railroad Company is to build from
 Red Mountain to take ore direct to its blast furnaces at Bessemer and Ensley is of special significance in that it will add materially to the econ omy of assembling of raw material. That is at the base of the strategic position of the Birmingham d;~trict in the manufacture of iron rx steel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
No Excuse For It
.RusseII Register)

The convict lease system ought to go. from Alabama just as speedily as the necessary action can be taken. There isn't any excuse for continuing a system such as we know the lease sys- tenn to be, and the sooner we get rid of it the better off Alabama will be, not only in the eyes of her own people, but of others as we'll
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
A MISSOURI MYSTERY

(Mound City News-J Jeffersonian)
 If any citizen of Holt county has missed a horse, a buggy and several quarts of corn 'likker," we can tell him where said prop erty may be found. Holt county officers confiscated the booze and the horse and buggy are being boarded at Clyde Thompson's barn. We do not know who owns this property and nobody else seems to know and some way the owner Is very dilatory about claiming the horse, buggy and hooch,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
A STURDY KANSAN

Mrs. Sarah Shott. who is 9S years old, is, so far as known, the oldest person in Jewell county. She is hearty and hale and. living alone. does her own housework. This spring she made a garden with the spade and has a fine patch of potatoes. She mows her lawn, pushing the .STYrS 4ower as gracefully as a VsN of a third her age.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
THE WAY BABIES DIE
n1l>sad blow to the pride of
 0, be told that there are

AQ. be told that there are
 es in which the average
 2 better chance for life than ls United States. Yet Secretary avis is authority for the figures, hd he is in position to be accurately formed. The people of Birmingham ill perhaps not be unduly surprised, they have been told repeatedly ht there are scores of babies dying this city because they lack proper bod and surroundings, which could ke supplied at the rate of about two |cllars and half a week for each Int. What is true in Birmingham ust be true in every other city, for F. Davis says that 250,000 babies e every year in the United States efore reaching the age of twelve onths. A large percentage, perhaps ilr-fifths, of these deaths could be vented merely by giving the babies fair chance at existence. Many them starve to death, not for lack food so much as for lack of suitable ]. Sanitary food.
 To quote further from Secretary lis: Five hundred thousand erican children, so-called defec- s and delinquents, are growing up nost totally neglected. From the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
Studying the Birds


 Senator John Craft of Mobile wants compulsory study of birds in the public schools of Alabama. If the wild animal life in Alabama, as well as the fish of our waters, are to be cared for as they should be in the schools is a mighty good place to instill into the minds of the p,o.e what the birds and fish are worth to humanity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
Respect for LnxH

There is little doubt but that the people of this country are losing respect and regard for law. There is a reason for this. We have too many that are not en- forced and in the number some freak laws. Laws are made for the protection of society, or they are supposed to be. But things are not like they used to be.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
THE ALABAMA PRESS
To Stop Delays in Law
(Opelika News)

If all our courts would adopt and apply the method of lining persons and concerns who appeal cases for the sole purpose of de- laying justice, as the supreme court of the United States lately did, the wheels of justice would not be so clogged with frivolous matters.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
Big Thing For the tsate

lCoIbert County Reporter)
 The state of Alabama is wisely deciding to improve the port and the result will be not only of great good to the state. but to the entire South. Mobile is an ideal location for both exports and imports. With modern docks and warehouses it will command the attention of Western grain shippers and South and Central American interests which seek a market in this country. The de- velopment of the port will bring increased railroad facilities.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
Allowance for Youth

(TaIladega Daily Home)
 How can the young people in this age of incessant kaleido- scopic change, and joy rides by moonlight, be expected to be staid and demure at all times. and never get in high exhilara- ton of spirit, or demonstrative mood, or brim over with offer- vescent merriment?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01
No Reason Why Not

(JaCkSOnVlIIe ATBuSJ
 With Birmingham bowling for more dairy products and Cal houn's natural adaptability to the raising of feed crops, there Is no reason why the county should not become a great dairying sec tion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-01

tude. Every county in Alabamla has adopted threeimill taa. This district asks you to adopt this for your children and chil ' dren's children. You are asked td invest in yourselfs for yoursei. and by yourself. The district asks for thirty cents a hundred dollars for the benefit of every one.