davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
birds took it up--and flew away with

birds took it up--and flew away with
it:
1.-THE Faculty! The Faculty!
The cruel. hard hearted Faculty!
They're awful mean to you and me-
The cruel, hard-hearted Faculty."
Faculty stood listening and think
ing deeply, and anon l saw a soften
ed look creep into their faces Some
were weeping silently. Then, as the
sad chorus rose to the skies, there
was a SUDDEN stir in their midst. Mr.
Herring was making great pile of
all the English and literature books
and, then and there, he knelt and
touched match to the heap. The
flames spread rapidly. Math books
end compasses followed as Miss Pet
rie saw the light.
"Tray B-enw cried Miss Sutphin
aprovingly. Lets all talk Ameri-
can"
Mr.. Hillegas was wipng his
streaming eyes with his handkerchief
and sobbing bitterly, I've sinned,"
he groaned but l repent. Wen
read Horatio Alger in class after
this. To think how I've made those
poor children suffer-" and his shout
ders shook with sobs.
As the cheering died away, Miss
Leonard spoke up Refreshments
will be served in the Lab at all hours
of the day and Wen try to rig up a
Radio to pass away the time" she
told us, smiling through her tears.
1t was Miss Gale, however, who
made the supreme sacrifice, Il re-
fuse to play the part of tyrant any
longerw she exclaimed and hurled her
transcription timepiece over the cliff.
| heard it ticking away peacefully on
the rocks five thousand feet below.
students" said. This is truly
noble in our Faculty. l suggest Civ
ing them three cheers. Alto
gether-''
/ heard an ear-splitting noise, /
awoke. ! rubbed my eyes. II was
my mother For goodness sake,
arise my childl" she called. "You
have seventeen sheets of Shorthand
to do before you go TO school"
Ii DREAMS CAME TRUE!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
>>Mwy',;;y,,Ay
az EHoa J
Isis1
CHURCHES.
g. --'---,-G- sS--5\
Notices MUST be in this office by
Tuesday night or they can't be used)
ST. ANDREWS EPISCOPAL
CHURCH
Rev I. ]. Bensley, d. D., Rector

Rev I. J Bensley, ID. D., Rector
In response to general request,
the services at this church, common
eng ON Sunday next and continuing
until further notice will be held ac-
cording to daylight saving time.
Sunday, May 18th; Within the
Octave of the Ascension. $50 a. nj.
Holy Eucharist. $50 a. m. Sunday
School, 1890 a. M Morning prayer,
sermon and Holy Eucharist, $50
p. M, Litany and address, The Holy
Ghost"
Friday, May 18th. $50 p. M,
Evening prayer and intercessions.
Meetings Of st, Andrews Guild and
st. Agnes Band
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
oUTD0ING EINSTEIN.

An Irishman was handling dyna-
mite in a quarry. He let stick
drop and the whole box went up,
takin Mike with it. The quarry boss
came around later and said to anoth-
en- Irishman:
Where is Nike"
Hes gone,' replied Pat.
"When will he be back" asked
the boss.
well" replied Pat, IF he comes
back as fast as he went, he'll be back
yesterday"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
THIRD WARD NOTES

The japanese play written by the
ga Grade Of the Third Ward School
will be given in st. Andrews Hall on
May 10 and IL. The admission is
35c. The drawing classes have made
gay Japanese posters which win be
hung in show windows. Mr. Math-
ews has kindly offered his show win
dow for the display of the articles
made by the Third Ward pupils for
the play. These include costumes,
flowers, fans, clogs, paIaquin, etc.
Watch for this exhibition May 5,
1923.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

TOUGH-UM. BOY.

Two negroes were lying behind a
packing case on the docks at Brest,
taking the labor out Of the alleged
Labor Battalion. Said one boast
fully:
boy All comes from hard fam
lily. Nah ole man done cut his nails
VIII an axe an brush his teef VIII
file"
Huh Amt 50 tough. Nah ole
man am plumber, an twice week
he done shave hisself wifi blow
torehw
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
THE CLASS OF "a.

We beg to announce the big annual
event of the season, the Senior
Junior Dance. in the middle of May,
We hope to make this the foremost
social feature of the year, and think
it possible with the cooperation of
both claesses. Our class is doing is
utmost to make this affair one which
will not soon be forgotten.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
If YOU PLEASE.

An Eastern college graduate ap-
piled for work in Michigan lumber
camp, and was assigned to one end
of crosscut saw, the other end be-
ing in charge of an old and experi4
eneed lumberman. At the end of an
hour the veteran stopped saving and
regarded his weary partner with
plying eyes.
Sonny" he said, Il don't mind
your riding this saw, but if you don't
mind, | wish you'd quit scraping
your feet on the ground"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
A SAFE RISK.

First Undergrad What shall
we do ="
Second Undergrad spin
eoin.If it's heads, we so TO the NOV
les; tails, we go to the dance and it
stands on edge, well study
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

As we go to press, the most
pressing question is: what shall
write on for my Commencement Es-
say?" Some people can't be serious
about anything and seem inclined to
be humorous even about serious
subject such as this. Just listen:
LIST. "What're yuh going to WRIT
your commencement essay on?"
End. "a typewriter"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

The Junior Glass wishes to thank
the school for cooperating in the sell
ing Of candy during the recent sale
We disposed Of eighty boxes in two
days. which is certainly good
showing. The money will be added
to our treasury to help in meeting
our current expenses.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
SCHOOL NOTES

Come, STUDIES, and match your wits
with us.
providing you've wits to match
If things get hot in History Class
Win those doggoned "goose-eggs(0 )
hatch
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
Effective Printing

means good type. good presses. good
workmen and good paper. We have the
equipment and the workmen for you. and
use Hsmmermill grades of bond. safety
and cover papers. Let us shsw you.
CORD PRINT SHOP
LAMBERTVILLF, N. ].
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
AN EpITtpH.

Within this tomb 50 lark, so dank,
Repose the bones of Gladys Schenek
Her Constitution bore no flaw
She died outlining Commercial Law"
By a Fellow Sufferer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
SOpHoNC4N NnrES.

10 the Sopho core Claz has been
added few !'rcshm.t We are glad
to have them vita US.
Cur English teacher Miss Atkin-
zcn has been very III at her home for
Il past weef. Miss lear principal
substituting for Miss Al nsen-
Superintendent Herring also has
Il the Thru Ward School has been
been teaching the English classes.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Stout: Are Congressman all
lumbermen
RI. Hillegas "Why. Stout ."
Stout: zone hears so much of log
It ing"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
LAMBERTNIILE PRESBYTEliI AN
Rev. Theron Lee. Minister
LAMBERTvILLE BAPTIST

Rev Harold NJ. Dorrell. Minister
9.45 Sunday School. II. 90 Morning
Worship. 7.3N Evening Worship.
Prayer meeting Tuesday 7.45 pm.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

It's to be foped that Ivy doesu t
develop Il bad case of indigestion
while endeavoring to get up the Hill
in time for the Review Glass.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Miss Gale; "A Bill of Exchange
ism uch the same as draft"
Gladys: "Close that window,
please, feel Bill of Exchange on
the back of my neck"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Maggie Go lruGgiss) Could You
fix me dose Of castor oil so That the
stuff won't asle so bad ."
Druggist: Certainly Have
soda while you're waiting Maggie
drank the soda and then the druggist
asked: Something else, Miss ?"
Maggie; "Just the castoc oil"
Druggist. "But you just drank it,
Maggie: ooh, it was for my
motherl"
Amanda: "Micky. have you any
ink ?"
Micky: No. only carry dry
goods"
A child was born to Mr. and Mrs.
Bigger today-he's little Bigger
Said young husband cautiously;
1T seems to me, dearest that there
is something wrong with the chicken
a la King"
And the bride, with an air Of su-
periority, said: "That shows all you
know about it, The cookery book
said that it's perfectly delicious"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
SANDY RIDGE BAPTIST

Rev. r. Lewis Everett, Pastor.
Sunday School lob A. M.
Preaching II A. M.
C. f. Meeting 7 p. M.
Preaching 7,30 P. M.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
Thompson Memorial Presbyterian
Rev. w. w. Harris, Pastor

TNNNs w W . FtdEI IT7i T HHNVF
Sunday School at 10 A. M.
Morning worship at II o'clock.
Sunday School at Wood Hill Chape'
220 =. M.
C. y. at 7.30 ?. Nj.
Evening worship at 8 o'clock.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Every day at 1890, more or less, a
class made up of those Seniors who
wish to pass entrance exams to Nor
NAL or Summer school, reports to
Mr.. Herring for half hour of work.
A thorough review in Spelling, En-
glish Composition and Grammar Is
being given. These people very
much appreciate Mr.. Herring's in
terest and good nature in giving up
his hard earned noon hour for their
benefit. Score one more for our
Faculty!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
NEW HOPE PRESBYTERIAN

ST. MARTINS II. c. CHURCH
Hours Of Service--Mass on Sunday
at 8 and 10 o'clock. Holy days at 5
and 8 o'clock.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
TRINITY CHURCH, soIebury

KtN. MT. BafnPII, KtCTOF.
Episcopal services as follows:
Evening Prayer at 2.15 p. NJ. /
Holy Communion second Sunday in
each month at 1000 A. NJ.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Johnny has a little Ford,
So that the world may know it,
He has thereon a mighty horn
And long and loud does blow it.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Ed: "How's your History mark
this month ?"
Lawrence: pretty cold"
Ed; what dye mean?n
Lawrence: IT'S down to zero"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

The Commercial Law Glass wants
to know if it's possible to serve a
sight draft on a blind man.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

If absence makes the heart grow
fonder, Bessie Kise must think lot
of L. II. S.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11
REASONABLE INouIRY.

What do you mean by an eight
day clock ?"
"one that will run eight days with
out winding"
How long will it run if you do
wind IL"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Anna "Pesock" wants to lead the
student body in singing her Alma
Mater. "What do we mean,' YOU
ask? Why Frenchtown Hillside
Academy, of course.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

"The people don't believe me when
tell them you're out" said the Of
fic boy to his employer.
'Tel them I'm not to be disturb
cd.
"But they say they must see you
Tell them that's what they all
say.
When some time later a gentlewo-
man called and insisted 90 seeing
the business man because she was his
wife, the office boy replied; That
what they all say
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

SERGEANTSVILLE NJ. Il. CHURCH
Rev. J. J. Morgan, Pastor.
$50 Sunday School
1890 Preaching Service.
7.30 Evening service, sermon.
ST. PHILIPS CHAPEL, New Hope
Rev. Mr.. Barnett, Rector.
Episcopal services az follows;
Evening Prayer $50 ?. M.
Holy Communion Second Sunday in
each month at 1l80 A. NJ.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

"Queery" didn't cover the longhand
cpumn while he was reading the one
in shorthand Miss Costello says
severely:
"Raymond, cover up!"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Mr., Hillegags: "All right there,
Colligan, you come 10 see me after
school
Ed Colligan: If ! have time |
will, but I'm going up on that five
o'clock train"
We know Mr.. Hillegas wasn't the
cause Of his having to run for thu
train, but rather those Sundaes at
Bottis.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-05-11

Harriet Peet is going to write an
essay about King Tut's fashions.
Those fashions are rather extreme,
aren't they Harriet? Tut, Tut"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
Desire for Sweetstuffs Implanted In
Humanity as Indispensable
Adjunct to Good Health.

Fruits, vegetables, nuts, roots,
grains. fish, flesh and fowl are ex-
amples of natural foods. Sugar is a
good example of an artificial food,
Arthur R. Reynolds, M. D., writes in
the Health Builder. Nowhere in ma
ture does free sugar exist. 1t is an
extract. Every living creature likes
sugar. To like sugar is not an ac-
ouired taste. Nature gave it to US, but
nature produces no commercial sugar
with which to satisfy that taste. Why
was the taste for sugar given to US?
That we. might seek it in those foods
where 1t is stored, and stored in
form easy on the digestive organs
and in addition obtaining other ele-
ments indispensable, to good digestion
and good health. Sugar cannot be d.
gested in It's commercial form. The
digestive apparatus is compelled 70
convert sugar when swallowed into
another substance before it Is of any
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19

WSIncTnOlI. uTeW ndllOHdl Ut
tention when the membership of the
Ohio Auxiliary was trebled during the
first ten months she acted as secre-
tary of that department. During the
same period the number of local
units was doubled Miss Wetherholt
was secretary of the Ohio department
with headquarters at Columbus from
the time the department was formed
until she assumed the national office.
The Ohio Auxiliary was also notable
in its efficient work for the relief of
sick and disabled soldiers in the hos
pitfalls of that state during Miss Weth-
erholt's term Of office. She has also
been president Of the auxiliary unit
at Gallipolis.
Miss Wetherholt was educated In
the public schools of Gallipolis and
in a private school at Cincinnati.
Following her graduation from the
latter institution she engaged in legal
work. During the war she served in
the statistics section of the ordnance
department in Cincinnati. Her spare
time was spent in organizing chapters
Of the American Red Cross.
Three brothers of Miss Wetherholt
were World war fighters.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
prepared by the United States Department
Of n

NfrepafeOs Dy the united states el'epdflIIlent
of Agriculture.)
The selection of the roads to com
pose the system of federal-aid high
ways which will reach into practically
every county in the United States is
progressing rapidly, according to the
bureau of public roads Of the United
States Department of Agriculture.
State federal engineers have held nu-
merous conferences during the past
summer in all sections of the country.
Outline the System.
The system Is being outlined In ac-
cordance with the requirements of the
federal highway act of last Novem-
Der, which contemplates system of
highways to be built with federal
aid such as no other nation has ever
possessed and which, once built, will
be continuously maintained In service
able condition. Eighteen feet will be
the minimum width of roadway unless
conditions justify a lesser width, and
such cases must be given special ap-
prevail. The system will consist of
not more than per cent of the total
road mileage in any one state, not
more than 81 of which will be pri-
mary or interstate highways, and the
remainder secondary or inter-county
highways. The total mileage of pri-
mary and secondary roads will be ap-
proximately 1877, 1000 miles.
Work has progressed rapidly on the
system during the past year and TO-
600 miles of road have been completed
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
FOR THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
President of r .turned Sailors and Sol
diers' League of Australia Urges
Cooperation.

On the eve of American Education
week, during which the American LIE,
gion urged that Importance of ability to
read and write the English language
should be emphasized, Alvin Owsley,
Legion national commander, received
a telegram from G. J. C. Dyett, pres.
ident of the Returned Sailors and Sol.
diers' league of Australia, stating that
the Continued close cooperation of
English-speaking peoples is the only
safeguard to the peace and happiness
of humanity"
Mr. Dyett, who brought the greet
ings of his organization to the recent
Legion national convention in New Or
leans, recently sailed for his home.
Replying to a message from Com
nander Owsley to Australian ex-serv.
ice men, Mr.. Dyett stated:
II profoundly appreciate the sen.
timents conveyed in your message to
Australian soldiers which absolutely
coincide with those uttered in my adj
dress at the Legion national conven-
ton. I desire to reiterate our admira,
ton of American soldiers and the sin.
cere friendship of the people of Amer.
lea, and trust for continued close CO
operation of English-speaking peoples
as the only safeguard to the peace and
happiness Of humanity"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
Important to All Women
Readers Of This Paper


Thousands upon thousands of women
have kidney or bladder trouble and never
suspect it.
Women's complaints often prove to be
nothing else but kidney trouble, or the
result of kidney or bladder disease.
If the kidneys are not in healthy con-
dition, they may cause the other organs
to become diseased.
You may suffer pain in the back, head
ache and loss of ambition.
Poor health makes you nervous, irri-
table and maybe respondent; it makes
any one so.
But hundreds of women claim that DR..
Kilmer's Swamp-Root, by restoring health
to the kidneys, proved to be just the
remedy needed to overcome such condi-
tions.
Many send for sample bottle to see
what Swamp Root, the great kidney, liver
and bladder medicine, will do for them. By
enclosing ten cents to DIR. Kilmer & Co.,
Binghamton, N. Y, you may receive sam
pie size bottle by parcel post. You can
purchase medium and large size bottles at
all drug stores.-Advertisemen
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
(Copyright.)
Reprimands.

He was a small boy and he was
smoking Very proud of it he was, too.
until man went up to him and scold-
ed him roundly.
The man went. away, but in mo-
ment or two returned. In his mouth
was an unlighted cigarette. He had
been fumbling in his pockets. Not a
man was in sight. Only the Woman,
who waited for the car, and the small
boy. The small boy seemed the more
likely prospect.
"Say, KID" the man continued, In
more friendly tones, ''yoH haven't got
a match to give me, have you"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
BULLETINS ARE OF GREAT SERVICE

age Of stocks in northwestern Okla
homa and the farmers refused to sell
at the low prices bid by spectators.
The result was the sales of the crons
at prices more in proportion with
actual supply and demand condi-
tionS.
The Department of Agriculture now
conducts 4 market news service on all
leading agricultural commodities in
Guiding hay. grain, feed and seed
fruits and vegetables, live stock and
meats, cotton, and dairy and poultry
products. A corps of trained marker
reporters are located In the field and
at large market centers to report con-
ditions. and the information is imma-
diately dispatched to farmers and tbs
trade by mail, telegraph, the press and
radio.
"Know your market" Is the denart.
ments slogan. Farmers are urged in
their own interests to get in touch with
the department so that they may GET
the full benefit of the marker news
service.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
RAPID PROGRESS IN SELECTING
ROAD FOR FEDERAL-AID SYSTEM

will complete their mileage in much
shorter time as they have included in
the system considerable mileage OF
improved road. They will then en-
large the federal-aid system by includ-
ing additional mileage.
When the system is complete the
total improved road mileage OF the
country viii be far greater than the
$4,000 miles included in the system.
How much greater it is hard to say
but in all Of the states the system has
been outlined, keeping in mind that
state roads. Independent Of federal-ald
will connect with it.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19

instrumental in Jas. j. Crossiey.
the organization of committee in his
post charged with the duty of seeing
that all veterans of the World war re,
ceived a square deal in obtaining mu-
nicipal positions. Working in close
cooperation with the mayor and city
commissioners, men and women recon-
mended by the Legion have been
named as municipal judge, superintend.
ent of the women's bureau of the POI
lice department and chief clerk of the
park bureau.
In many cases ex-service men have
led the list of applicants for positions
in the civil service examinations, &C.
cording TO Mr.. Crossley. In the ex,
animation for chief clerk of the park
bureau, Albert Rufner, an ex-service
man, finished first.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
How Freezing Affects Canned stuft

How Freezing Affects Canned Stuff.
The United States bureau of chem.
istry says "Most canned goods will
stand little freezing without appre-
cable change. Repeated freezing and
thawing causes the foods to become
fiabby and gives fiat taste. Such
change, however, does not alter the
wholesomeness or food value of the
material, but 1t may change the tex
ture. appearance and palatability. The
actual damage varies with the differ
ent kinds of canned foods and in gen.
eral is somewhat similar to damage
done by freezing the same food in the
fresh condition"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
CARE FOR SPRAY MATERIALS
Surplus Supplies, Left Over From
Summer Campaign, Can BE Stored
for Spring Use.

Supplies of spraying materials that
were left over from the summers
spraying campaign can be kept in
fairly good condition if properly
-
stored "a
Liquid lime-sulphur deteriorates
more rapidly than any of the others.
It should be placed where it will not
freeze and if stored in cellar or
shed, care needs to be used that the
container does not leak, as it gives
off disagreeable odor. In spring the
material ought to be tested for loss of
strength by Using a hydrometer.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
DYED HER SKIRT, DRESS,
SWEATER AND DRAPERIES
WITH "DIAMOND DYES"

Each package of Diamond Dyes" con-
tains directions so simple any woman can
dye or tint her worn, shabby dresses,
skirts, waists, coats, stockings, sweaters,
coverings, draperies, hangings, everything,
even if she has never dyed before. Buy
Diamond Dyes"-no other kind-then
perfect home dyeing is sure because Dia-
mond Dyes are guaranteed not to spot,
fade, streak, or run. Tell your druggist
whether the material you wish to dye is
wool or silk, or whether it is linen, cotton
or mixed goods-Advertisemen
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1923-01-19
Between Friends.

Nell-Had my future told today.
Belle-No doubt you were told that
YOU would get rich husband.
Nell-No; the fortune teller simply
said that 1 would acquire a husband
shortly.
Belle-Oh, suppose she sized you
up and decided that any old thing In
the shape of man would satisfy you.
Boston Transcript