Atlanta tri-weekly journal. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1920-19??, 1923-02-08
QUIPS AND lQUIDDITIES

Sir Harry Lauder, the Scotch comedian,
said at his eleventh farewell dinner in New
York: "Scotchmen succeed because they watch
the pennies. Bang went saxpence.' That sort
Of thing we ken. so yer auld frien' Angus
marrit again. I said to Donald Dhu one day.
oh, lay, said Donald sadly. Losh, he's been
dear frien Ia me, has Angus. He's cost me
three weddin' presents and two wreaths o.,
immortelles.'" tasr
Pat Murphy was on the spot when the ex-
plosion occurred. He was blown up,4and they
couldn't find trace of him. When his wife
called the foreman said quietly: r 4
He's gone, num-" ea ,ps..s
Gomez" she said: 'for good?"
"Well, in that direction" said the foreman.
An old farmer visiting the city handed the
clerk telegram to be sent consisting of the
address and eight vertical strokes.
"But surely you are not going to send this,
said the clerk.
"Now, that's all right" said the old fellow
"If them strokes come out the same as t'other
end my missus-il know 1 shall be home at
o'clock. Her can't read or write, but her
can count, SO just see as you put the proper
strokes in" WI
There was a self-made man whose plen.
teous life was not altogether free from faint
He employed an expensive architect to build
him a 1ordly pleasure house.
81 think" remarked the man Of plans,
'tthat you had better have a southern expos
ure."
The man Of money grew red and shuffled
his feet.
mot so much of the exposure" he growl:
ed, "if you want to retain your contract"
The small gin was paying her first visit
alone, and was drilled carefully as to how.
she was to behave. "If they ask you to
dine with them" the mother said, you must
say, No, thank you, I've already dined.'"
The child listened attentively, and accordingly
when her little friends father said: Come
along, Molly; you must have bite with us,I
she remembered her mothers instructions and
said in polite and dignified manner, 'Nor
thank you I've already bitten"
profiteer's wife was introduced to a
Chinese ambassador in London. r
MEN speak velly good Chinee," said the
lady, much flustered 81
Never mind, madam" politely replied thu
ambassador. 81 think I can manage to con.
verse tolerably well in English for half an.
hour or so
The newly engaged Scottish laborer was
left to his breakfast and told to help him
self to a cheese on the table. Time passed
and the farmer impatienty went to the
kitchen in search of his new hand. Sandy.
he exclaimed, you take long time to;
breakfast, don't your"
"a weel," replied Sandy ga choose o.
this size is nae sac soon eaten as We may
think"
you told me to file those letters you
remember, sir" said the new office boy. I
eyes, yes" replied the employer, "why don't
you get busy WELL" the boy returned,
Il was just thinkin' that it would be easier
to trim 'em with a pair of scissors"
man entered a crowded railway car and,
placed heavy box, almost as big as trunk
on the parcel rack. N2
nervous passenger was sitting under
meath and kept looking at the bulky PACKAGE,
fearing it would fall on him, For some time
he managed to keep silent but when the
train went humping over a switch and thu
box gave ominous lurch he turned to the
owner, saying:
Excuse me, but do you think that box is
quite safe?" -
"Oh, yes replied the other cheerfully.
cts locked, you know"
intention of taking anyone into her conf
dence
NeXt-Katherine Cleveland.