davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-04-18
Boy Loses Thumb and Finger.
GEORGETOWN. Tex. AnriI 1S.-T

explosion of dynamite cap in the
hands o fl. D. Wininger, IA years of
age, here Monday morning resulted in
the loss of the thumb and forefinger on
the left hand. The boy had picked the
cap up from scrap pile and failing to
understand the danger stuck blazing
match to the tube. Instantly there
was terrific explosion with the above
result.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-04-18
Victim Is Dead.

Pawhuska, Okla, April 1S.-Robert
Wilkerson. %, died here Tuesday af-
ternoon Of bullet wounds received
when he was fired upon by bandits
who attempted to rob the local post
office. He was to have. been mar
ried today.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-04-18
ADRIFT In OPEN BOAT
Seven Men on Short Rations Wher
Picked Up by Cutter.
Nv e. r. GESSLER

by G. +. GESSLER
Special Gable to The San Antonio Light
and the Chicago Daily News.
Copyright, 1928.
Honolulu. Hawaii, April 17.-With
provisions reduced to an onion, a can
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
From Here
and There
PASSING THE BUCK.

GEWHAT position did you hold
w in your last placer asked
the merchant.
81 was a doer, sir"
"A doer? What's that?"
We'll, sir, you see, when my
employer wanted anything done
he would tell the cashier, the
cashier would tell the book
keeper, the bookkeeper would
tell the clerk and the clerk would
tell me-"
"And what would happen
then?"
We'll, sir, as I hadn't anyone
to tell 1t to, I'd do It,"
His Discrimination.
THE caller, who was neither
Youthful nor Of prepossessing
appearance, anxious to gain the
confidence of the son of the
house, remarked pleasantly,
"Why, Bobby, how grown up you
arel But still, you are not too
old to HISS, are your"
"No," said Bobby, with convie-
ton, SHUT you are"
The Cynic.
ut says here that surgeons
have discovered that orange bios
SONS may be used as an anaes-
thetic," said Mrs. Henpeck.
Il always did believe that
was unconscious wien we were
married" remarked Mr.. Henpeck.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
MIR. COUPLE OF TUTS

folks would make a pastime Of
his corpse.
Some would refer to him as an
old stiff. Well, a mans entitled
to be a bit stiff after lying in one
position thirty-one centuries and
have nothing to chew but the rag
and the grass. He didn't dare
chew the rag because that would
have made him nude and would
have shocked the crew that's
been digging him loose from his
past.
Mr.. Couple Of Tuts was king
bee In his time. He gave a lot Of
people the air. 1t took the people
thirty-one centuries to get around
to giving him the air.
Mr.. Couple Of Tuts doesn't bank
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
AR COUPLE OF TUTS

M thought he'd sneak one
AsA over on Volstead. He had
himself picked In alcohol and
laid himself away to sleep It off.
Some people have slipped into
eternity. Mr.. Couple Of Tuts
slipped into eternity.
Not all the mummies are in
Egyptian apartments. Some of
them are at your elbow. This
doesn't include the person read
ing over your shoulder. Though
anybody that Graves this column
80 much that he'll drape himself
over your shoulder to grab it il
a sure-fire mummy.
REST in Peace" used to mean
Let the guy be-"
But since they began dragging
mummies out Of their bandages
1t means get the rest Of the
pieces"
Mr.. Couple of Tuts' status has
been determined beyond cues.
ton. He must have been a mar.
ried man. The bandages prove it.
Only a wife could have given a
man such a clouting that they
had to wrap him in bandages
from head to foot and back.
Honor the dead" Sure! Tear
'em out OF their graves and put
them on exhibition with sympa.
thetic gin, kangaroo skirts and
other souvenirs of yore.
Mr.. Couple of Tuts didn't MIND
passing out. He figured that
wat Is past is past. He thought
that what has passed away would
be passed by. He didn't figure
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
BY Charles MI. Bayer

ers have not emerged from the
tomb since they found the new
bottle. Groans have issued from
the tomb. 1t is thought they have
gone into q period OF moaning
for the dead.
February 10. 2923.-An Old
photograph was discovered to.
day. 1t showed a woman over q
washtub. The women Of that day
are believed to have had peculiar
styles Of wearing jewelry. The
picture showed that the woman
over the washtub had rings un-
der her eyes.
February Il, 2923.-No head.
lines to-day. They didn't get any
nearer the headstone.
February Is, 2923.-A long
brass tube was unearthed Just
outside the inner chamber. 1t Is
impressed with footprints, indi.
eating that the ancients were O
vicious race and did not venture
forth without brass tubes at.
tached to their shoes as weapons.
February 16. 2923.-A long
mahogany table, curved at the
ends, was unearthed to-day. It
was grooved at the edge with the
imprint Of elbows, indicating that
the ancients were accustomed to
stand with one elbow on the table
when in conversation. This must
have been q trying experience in
the old days.
February II. 2S23.-The corpse
came to life to-day, looked at the
empty bottles, slifIeked my.
stars!" 40 he pointed to Q label
with three stars and IRpsed back
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

announced that grave diggOrs
had another gorgeous day at the
tomb Of Pax Woebiscuits, the
dummy buried In 1923. A bottle
with three stars was found In the
outer chamber, indicating the
ancients were given to worship
the armament.
February Q, 2s2s.-The digging
expedition was in ecBtacy to-day.
They came upon q bottle on
which was written a hieroglyphiC
deciphered to read "Old Gran.
dad" indicating that the ancients
worshipped their ancestors. The
ecstacy was intensified after the
scientists had sampled the con-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

much on his thirty-one centuries.
II we could pick up thirty-one
centuries we'd bank the money
right away.
They found a lot of weeds
around his grave. They found a
lot Of weeds around his wife's
grave. These were widows weeds
and they were duller than her
husbands, for a widows weeds
wither quickly.
No will was found. Mr.. Couple
OF Tuts was a married man. A
married man has no will.
Ask Dad. He knows.
Press dispatches OF the future
from America:
February 8. 2923-Lord Comeon
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
A Flyer in
Films.

MIR. DOME S. TICK loved
his horne-loved 1t as
much as any man can
who has a landlord. The roof
leaked. the wall paper was faded,
and the plumbing out Of whack,
but still it was his home, and
Tick loved it-as much as any
man can who has to pay the
bills.
Every evening after supper
which Is what he called 1.-THE
would sit on the front porch and
read the paper, with his chair
tilted backward and his stogie
tilted forward.
He wore no collar and on warm
nights, he wore no shoes.
Occasionally he would vary
the monotony by yelling at the
neighbours cur or spanking one
Of the children.
It never made much difference
which one. But he didn't spank
them often, because he hated to
interrupt his smoke.
Then suddenly a change came
over Tick. He quit sitting, and
began to slip off to the movies
every night. The neighbors mo-
ticed his absence and even the
children missed him.
/ met Tick one day and got the
truth out Of him. He was going
to the movies for purpose, he
said. He had decided to become
a scenario writer.
"You know" he confided,
there's a lot OF money in see
mario writing"
That's exactly what our cook
has assured me-" I replied.
"I've written ten scenarios al
ready" Tick went on, ignoring
my remark. "It's not hard work"
SO the iceman tells me-" ]
said. But, of course, he's only
written five. Sold any Of yours?"
mo, not yet" he said. "But
tuCEC Ou0 VI GIL that . SuTS 10
sell. It's q corker. It's got q
brand new idea-an original idea.
sent q letter to the scenario
editor-just wanted to hurry him
up q little, you know. told him
that ! would appreciate a prompt
acceptance, because / had several
other irons In the fire. ETC.. etc."
didn't see any thing Of Tick
for several days after, that.
One evening he made his re-
appearance on the porch. He had
resumed his stogie.
got an answer from that edi-
tor all right" Tick announced
cheerfhlly. .AI he said was:
Dear Sir: / have read what you
submitted, and ! suggest that you
put 1t with the other irons."
Tick grinned.
I'm through sending out see
narios," he said. "I'm putting the
stamp money into stogies,. and
giving the postman much
needed rest. The only trouble Is
that my tongue is still so coated
with mucilage that derned if /
can tell whether this Is a good
stogie or a bum one"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

tents Of the bottle. It had an ex.
hilarating effect. For two hours
thereafter they were unable to
read hieroglyphics, but they were
able to talk hieroglyphics.
February 10, 2923.-It is be-
Neved that a strain Of dog blood
coursed through the veins Of the
ancients, for a pair Of pants was
found hanging on rack in the
outer chamber. It bespoke a re.
markable evolution in styles.
Side pockets were tiny, but back
pockets bulged wide and deep.
February II. 2923.-Another
bottle with stars was discovered
The tomb was barred to visitors
February IL, 2923.-The explor-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
Out of the Garden.

Saying It with flowers is o.
good idea. You can advertise
your sentiments by means Of Q
flower in your buttonhole. This
means of proclaiming your feel.
ings is capable Of all kinds Of
development. Every one appPe-
ciates it, especially the florist.
Thus:
If you are in favor of matri-
mony wear orange blossoms.
If you are opposed to matri.
mony wear bachelors buttons.
II you are in favor Of daylight
saving wear morning glory.
II you are opposed to daylight
saving wear a four o'clock.
If you think that Germany
should now be treated kindly
wear. Dutchman's breeches.
II you thing she ought to be
punished more wear fleur-de-lis.
If you believe in modesty wear
some violets.
II you are in favor of kissing
wear tulips.
II you are opposed to kissing
wear snapdragons.
II you are a pawnbroker wear
hollyhock.
II you are detective wear
trailing arbutus.
II you don't care for expense
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
Said by a Cynic

Wills for the purpose Of annoy
ing their heirs.
Doc Coue's twenty times a day
is nothing but the lazy mans
daily dozen.
The most momentous problem
among the flappers seems to be:
Should a boy friend tell?"
Calling a Greenwich Village a
public nuisance is mild language
compared to what you could call
the tea they serve.
II BaSnum were alive, those
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

The Garden of Eden has been
located In Ohio-but the serpent
is still at large.
Some of the fashionable women
In New York do not dress we'll.
Some of the fashionable women
in New York scarcely dress at Gn.
Woman is the prehistoric RIB"
roast.
SHINE people look forward to
dying just for the fun they get
out Of monkeying with their
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
Four Kinds Of Luck.

SSnO You know anything about
- palmistry, Herbert?" she
asked.
"Oh, not much" he answered,
although I had an experience
last night which might be con-
sidered a remarkable example of
palmistry. / happened to glance
at the hand of a friend and /
Immediately predicted he would
presently become the possessor
OF q considerable amount of
money. Before he left the room
he had a nice little sum handed
to him"
"And you foretold that from
his hand?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
A Tough Meal.

The wife Of Rastus set before
him q piece Of steak which the
hungry husband chewed with
rapidly firing jaws.
Wes were sure real lucky to
get dat steak, Ras," said his
wife, cause dey tells me dat
de meat men are striking"
Rastus looked directly at his
two hundred pounds OF wife and
between chews grunted:
We'll, Mirandy, wants to say
RICH here. II dem meat men are
striking / wish dey would have
struck dis piece more to make it
tender"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

wears a cutaway until he's SO
stout that it's a give-away?
A man lucky enough to have
noiseless typewriter had better
marry her.
Champagne baths are a thing
Of the past, but we yet have to
hear Of an actress who has taken
up home-brew bathing.
When a cook advertises for a
position it's sign that she has
exhausted the patience Of more
than fifty housewives.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04

hundred and fifty wives Of the
ex-Sultan wouldn't have to worry
about jobs next Summer.
Every time we increase our
earning power, our wife increases
her spending power.
Anyway, Ford can't tip over
in a snowdrift as Unexpectedly
as a sleigh used to.
A married man who talks In
his sleep IL mistaken when he
says that he belongs to q secret
order.
Why is 1t that a man never
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-03-04
How to Behave n !
Restaurant

Ns"# - - - $3.50 AA@N-
IN order 10 avoid embarrasa
mont show that you are weIh
bred BY following the appended
rules:
In the first place. forget that
your check Il going to look Ike
the population figures Of New
Jersey. Worrying over . matter
Of this sort not only brings on in
digestion. but also causes the
waiter to suspect that you are
moi going to tip him.
When you eat IN swell res
taurant, OF course yon want Ia
attract attention. However, try
to do this some other way than
via your soup. One Of the best
ways we can recommend b TO
upset your table.
re you have taken q lady friend
to dinner, Of course, you should
prove entertaining, but don't try
to amuse her by pulling any old
gags on the waiter, such as: II
found collar button In my salad,
waiter. II that part Of the dress,
ing?''
Do not be too ungraceful pass.
Ing dishes. So long rs you do not
upset moro than two decanters
Of water and one cup Of coffee
you have not shown that yOu are
unduly awkward or unaccustomed
to eating out.
When you order French dish
and do not know what Il Is ike.
It ID proper etiquette to complain
to the waiter that II ID not prop.
erIy prepared. The guests around
you win ct once assume that you .
are from Paris even though It II
only Paris, Kentucky.
Use tact In eating your spa.
ghetti. Do not wrap Il around
your knife. The proper etiquette
to use IN eating this popular food
ID to tie knots fl It: then you
can stick your fork IN It.
When yOu order planked steak
do not forget to ask the waiter
to show you the sawdust from
which the plank was cut.
When you want to attract youH
waters attention do not arise,
place your hands to your mouth
and shout ct the top Of your
voice: Hey, waiter, CONS
here!" The proper etiquette 70
use to call your waiter ID 90
use q bean-shUoter. Peck him on
the left ear with . bean for .
pea.
Do not flirt with any unes-
corted ladies In the restaurant
not until they have paid their
checks.
IL the spoon gets III your eye
when you try TO drink your col.
fee do not forget to bawl the
waiter out for giving you q spoon
with such long handle.
Do not arise from the table
and hand the waiter q large butt
ton for a tip. He has thousands
of buttons he has gotten In this
way, and he may embarrass you
by telling You so. Instead, write
him out q large check then
stop payment on 1t.
When the check Is brought do
not start to tell q funny story
and feign you do not see the
waiter Instead, grab the check:
then pass it to the man next to
you and say: Il can't see the
amount; / haven't my glasses
with me" Or. If you do not
wear glasses, get violent cough
ing spell about the time the
check is brought. Then explain
latter someone else has paid the ,
cheeky that coughing always
renders you speechless.
Quite Thrilling.
RLUE blood was the only thina
Mrs. Newriche had not been
able 70 buy, but she made up for
the lack of it by scraping e.
quaintance with any titled peopls
she CANE aeross.
At IN afternoon party she mel
q friend Of similar social ambi.
tons.
"Oh, Miss Tufhunter." she en-.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30

played daily in front of the stand, will
be another attraction not to be over
looked The speed program, com
prised of trotting pacing and running
horse races, will offer the fastest
horses ever seen on the Trenton fair
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30
Scots Keep Relics of
Queen Mary at Home

London.-Scotland has won her fight
to keep the iatimate relics OF Mary,
Queen of Scots from going to America
or other foreign countries and has
succeeded In buying most of them for
herself
The sale was held under exciting
circumstances Scores of patriotic
Scotsmen. aroused over the danger of
the precious relics forever leaving
British soil, crowded into the little
room.
A diamond and pearl pendant given
to the queen at the time OF her mar
riage to the dapphin of France was
the only one of the relics which went
to America. The company paid 5000
for It.
While the entire sale brought S45.-
900, the Scots committee was more
than satisfied, because 1t obtained
those relies which for all Scotsmen
have the greatest sentimental value
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30
6 DAYS and 4 NIGHTS OF
TRENTON FAIR THIS YEAR
Mystic China" Colossal Fireworks Exhibition Its 900 Peo-
ple to Be Mammoth Nocturnal FEATURE Auto Poo Automobile
Races Horse Races and Gigantic Displays Assembled for
Great Exposition to Open September "a. q

TRENTON, N. PLANS unsurpassng in and magni-
those of year have been formulated for the
Great Trenton Fair 1928 beginning Monday September
ending Saturday September 49, according Colonel Maon
Margerum secretary who has announced the completion of all
preparations for the mammoth event
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30

the state This will be staged in the
New Jersey State Exhibition Building.
The poultry show, presented in an
enlarged building; livestock exhibit.
with it's unprecedented display OF Jer-
seys. Holsteins, Herefords, Durocs.
Berkshires, ETC., and the display in
the agricultural, horticultural, art, do
mestc science and home and dairy
products and the manufacturers and
merchants departments will be Of
fered to greater advantage than ever
It is assured that the midway will
be gayer, brighter and more amusing
than ever. Attractions which cannot
be transported in less than fifty rail
road cars will be erected in charge OF
the greater Sheesley shows, with all
sorts of freaks, thrills and laugh-mak-
ing devices
Excursion rates will be announced
by the Pennsylvania Railroad and
Philadelphia and Reading Railway,
running from all points of the east to
the fair grounds, which is the most &C
cessible grounds of any fair in Amer
lea.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30
French Revive Dueling;
Code Changes Suggested

Paris.-Paris has taken one more
step back to prewar conditions by re
viving dueling. Two barristers who
insisted on settling personal differ
ence with dueling swords revived q
procedure which. since the war, has ap-
peared ridiculous even in the eyes Of
the French. who still maintain that
there are some disputes that can only
be decided ION the field of honor.n
General opinion, however, is still
against dueling for anything short of
the gravest reasons. and one writer
regretting ITS revival has suggested
that new article In the dueling code
should prescribe that encounters can
only take place in the devastated re-
gions, close 10 a battlefield or in a
military cemetery.
Few are the adversaries," he says,
''who facing the wooden crosses Of so
many Freedman, killed in the most
formidable duel in history, Will not
find their own quarrel ludicrous and
fall In each others arms"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30
SOUTH SEA GIRLS CAUSE
SAILORS TO DESERT SHIP
Seductive Charms Of Native
Maidens Prove Irresistible,

Honoluiu.-The charms of two young
and beautiful native maidens at Futu,
Island of Niuafau, in the South seas,
proved stronger than the call back to
civilization for two members of the
crew of the schooner Alert, according
to the story related by Capt. Daniel
Mcdonald, master Of the Alert, who
arrived here aboard the Niagara with
six members of his crew They are
on their way to the United States.
A sudden squat threw the Alert
upon coral reef off Futu on June TO-
Captain Mcdonald said. The captain
and the crew waited at the place a
month for passing ship to pick them
up. Meanwhile Harry Terry and A..
Olson, members of the crew, fell Ia
love with two native girls and when a
rescue ship fnally arrived they re-
fused to accompany their shipmates
back to civilization
The mariners married the girls, Cap
tain Mcdonald said. and added
II can't blame Terry and Olson for
their brides are very beautiful and ex-
ceptionaliy good housewives"
The skipper said no suffering fol-
lowed the shipwreck. The natives, he
said, are very hospitable and the wom-
en-. especially the younger ones, are
very beautiful"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30
Princess Yolanda
Loses Court Position

Paris.-when Princess Yolanda. the
eldest daughter OF the king Of Italy,
welded Count Carlo Calvi di Bergole
a few months ago she automatically
sacrificed her precedence in court as
first lady of the realm after the queen.
So ordered Victor Emmanuel. In ac-
cordance with italian custom. None
the less, Parisians were astonished to
see Princess Mafalda pass before her
elder sister when they arrived here
recently.
Moreover, all the other Italian prin-
cesses of the blood royal now take
precedence of Countess Carlo di Der
COLO as consequence Of her marriage
with a commoner.
The princess. however. doesn't care
a rap. She made love match, and
is perfectly happy outside the rigid
bars of court etiquette.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1923-08-30

of giving the public spectacle out of
the ordinary and the fair management
a refreshing novelty of more than or
binary calibre.
The fair will be in progress six
days. from September "a to 20, In
elusive The night exhibition will
take place Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday nights.
Thousands of dollars have been
spent to fit the grounds for a night
fair. Abundant lighting facilities
have been provided. The grandstand
will be adequately Illuminated and
there will be every advantage to pro-
mote the success of the nocturnal
features.
There will be an automobile show
In the S125,000 Automotive Building
that will completely tax the 10000
square feet of floor space. Every type
Of car, commercial and pleasure, will
be on exhibition, together with all
sorts of accessories. Two days au-
tomobile racing, September % and 20,
will be another big feature.
Thrilling auto polo contests, to be