San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-10-07
A SERIOUS JOKE

A Kansas lawyer recently. told funny
story" to some of his friends. 1t was
about a good" bootlegger. Ha! ha!
| 1t was to laugh. The very idea; fancy
good bootlegger. The story was
even funnier than that. For this boot
logger admitted his virtues and was sore
ly depressed because the prohibition
agents didn't. Again, ha ha! 1t certainly
was good joke, even before the details
were reached. Then it became scream.
The bootlegger had gone to lot of
trouble and expense fixing up his still.
His paraphernalia was first class in every
respect-far better than that of the next
best. He was a moonshiner first and a
bootlegger afterwards, albeit he went by
the latter name. He was down on the
average bootlegger and moonshiner. For
the average maker and purveyor of illicit
liquor trafficks in rank poison, and neces-
sarily so because he isn't equipped to
make good liquor and doesn't care if
his stuff does kill.
But the good" bootlegger took pride
in his art. Moreover, he had scruples
against killing anybody by the drink
route; or perhaps he just had an eye
for business, believing in keeping his
old customers instead of having to hunt
up new ones for each sale In any case,
he distilled his liquor scientifically, so
that it was of high quality.
He made rye whisky exclusively.
Every batch was put through three dis
tillation processes and then filtered
through charcoal and twelve thicknesses
of linen. And it was aged until it was
the mellowest moonshine that the moon
ever shone on.
| Yet the government seized him and
confiscated his liquor and still n every
thing. Now, the government oughtnt
to have done that, he complained to the
lawyer; the government ought to leave
good bootleggers, like him, alone, be-
cause there are so few of them. He adj
mitted that it was shame. Here the
story got real funny. That good" boot
logger was certainly a naive fellow; he
didn't have any sense of humor, ap-
parently. Lots of people are that way !;
let somebody step on their toes, and
they lose all sense of proportions, if
they ever had any,
Then the story took a slightly diff
ierent turn. Why, in the good" boot
legger's opinion, should the government
have left him alone? He explained:
81 supplied quality liquor, and now that
1 have been put out of business, at least
temporarily, the dirty bootleggers that
are not careful of their stuff will get
my business and kill somebody"
Perhaps unwittingly the bootlegger put
his finger on the key to the entire pro-
hibition problem. Of course he should
have been arrested and his still and
liquor stock confiscated; that is "the
law" and "the law should have no
favorites among offenders. So far as
"the law is concerned, good" boot
leggers are as guilty as "bad" ones.
But when "the law" undertakes to
prohibit the making of any liquor at
all for beverage purposes, even under
governmental supervision, then rank
poison is purveyed throughout the coun-
try. In short, the bootleggers, as a
whole, are getting the business" that
used to go to the makers and distribu-
tors of bonded liquor. Instead of goods
of unquestionable quality, the American
consumer is getting nondescript stuff
that is more likely to kill than not.
The good" bootlegger's story was
very funny-up to certain point But
for the broadcast of practical purposes
the ioke-and very serious one it is
is ION" the government and "thc law
to say nothing of those who suffer the
consequences of consuming illicit liquor