The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-01-05
Dasque BurIesque
nv Nrc
formerly Smilin' Thru
BY GEE SEE
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ed campaign against electlng Deautl
full women to offices in their clubs.
ss&ssa
Now will some bright little reader
tell US right quick whether the women
who started this "drive" are very
beautiful or very uglyl
Customs officers in New York re-
Gently found s75O,000 worth of "dope"
secreted in shipment of preserved
| fish.
The fish was evidently picked"
And we don't wonder that so many
people are addicted to picked herring!
The woman told the census taker
that she had three children, and that
she hoped that she would never have
another one. Why" asked the
census taker. Because" replied the
woman almost in despair, "they say
that every fourth child born in New
York is Jew!'
The w. k. N. Y. Tribune pulls a
beautiful "boner' when one of its
recent headings said, REFUSES TO
LIVE WITH HIS WIFE AND HER
CHILD, NOW DEAD"
s*S%ta
Evidently the man has not been
properly instructed in Conan Doyle's
spirit world!
The Ku Klux Khan kant keep from
kutting kappers to katch the publik
eye!
The Mexico American News Ser
vice says, "Veracruz bakers, unwilling
to yield to the demands of the strik-
ers, closed their shops altogether, and
now folks there say the Lords Prayer
with considerable more intensity"
s*ss*.
Maybe it helps. But as long as
the present coal shortage is not pro-
vided for in the prayer, there is no
way for us to test it.
A certain church bulletin says, 1.-THE
test for respect for law is when the
law is upheld even tho it hurts"
And evidently the refor1ner who
wrote that would say that the great
est law is the one that does the great
est amount of hurt to the greatest
number of people!
+s*&*&
For that idea seems to dominate
most of these fanatical reformers.
%+*%*A
"oNLY DEAD FISH FLOAT WITH
THE TIDE
An envelope came to my desk one
| day
With a sentence scrawled on its
side
That told great truth in the ters-
| est way
"Only dead fish float with the tide
To be poor fish" is an awful
thing
A term that is used to deride,
But to be DEAD fish is the vilest,
"Only dead fish float with the tide"
To follow the paths that are easy
to tread.
Shows character you cannot hide.
That shows us just why the state
ment is true
"Only dead fish float with the tide. y
If you get in rut and can't leave
it,
You ought to remember your pride
It's sign you're a fish out of waited
Dead fish are loathsome and neau.
seous things
Don't be dead fish in your stride!
Launch out on life's stream, and re-
member this
only dead fish float with the tide
*t%%+$
HOW TO TELL A HEN" is a
heading in the New Jersey Out
doorsman," which has just come to
! our desk
"But why we ask in all candor,
land what should we tell a hen?"
s%ssss
Another article in the same choice
"FoR BASS"
To which we might add, Rabbit
ing for squirrels" Fishing for quail
Cunning for flounders;" Motoring
in rowboat," and numberless other
choice sports.
! APPLY has some wagg iterated:
"oh give the dictionary praise
Let everybody sing!
| For there are so many ways
Of saying the same old thing!"
sHssse
Another chapter has been added TO
the "prolongation of life" series. Now
certain scientists claim that you can
be preserved by eating cabbage.
We might be tempted to try it if we
could prevent the involuntary advertis-
ing of it afterwards.
esAtse
It's strange world. In France