davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14

About the only thing worse than
working this hot weather is just loaf
ing around.
Some day some confidence man is
going to organize company for
canning cond,nsed water.
Two men in Baltimore went to jail
for bringing home the bacon. They
stole two hogs.
A man escaped from the Atlanta.
Ga. pen, but maybe they can catch
one to take his place.
Just about the strangest thing we
haye seen lately was a good looking
efficient stenographer.
Keep looking back and you only
see where you were.
Believing what a bootlegger says
is dangerous. The sidewalk may
jump up and hit you.
Just before mans wife talks him
TO death he hopes his worst enemy is
her next husband.
Weather is so hot during July it
leaves us no time to cuss the poor
street car service.
race etween couple of fat
men on hot picnic Is almost as
funny as the human race.
Cincinnati man who wanted n
street car to detour around his auto
will recover, doctors think.
You don't see many pictures Of
girls playing tennis because they
don't play in bathing suits.
A secret is what you tell someone
not to tell because you promised not
to tell it yourself.
A little man always hates to start
an argument because he usually gets
called a big liar.
1t takes one to start fight, which
is always the other one.
Pedestrians are getting so darn
particular they hate to be run over
by cheap car.
All of us make big mistakes,
among the biggest being setting an
alarm clock an hour too early.
A small boys pocket looks like a
big girls handbag.
Many of the trials of being a movie
star are held in court.
Trouble with sleeping late on Sum
day is you have hard time getting
hungry again for dinner.
Very few people can cry over the
suffering of a woman who has lost
million dollar necklace.
First thing you know dentists will
ask us not to eat chickens because
they don't brush their teeth. !
kissing her until you get red in
the face isn't so much kissing.
Friday is one of the seven days on
which it is unlucky to cuss YOUR
luck.
A bride tells US she doesn't mind J
hubby's' mustache because she kissed
a brush to get tough.
You seldom hear about a man Bit
ting cop again.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
61|||(llIR||'@p?, J. 1 4; D! YES
W @3v. :: ), :. ~: }

"Well turn now" announced Pc
ter half an hour afterward. you're
a smart lad and you've given me a
bright thought or two. We must
lecture Mark"
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
ADVENTUREOF
THE TWINS
BY Olive Roberts Barton

How do you like Rainbow Land !?
asked Mister Sky Bow, the fairy man
who was taking the Twins on an
adventure.
IT'S ever so interesting" said
Nick.
II love it," said Nancy.
That's good!" said Mister Sky
Bow in pleased voice. But here
we are in a more curious place than
any We have been YET
who lives here?" asked Nick.
The Dummies!" answered Mister
Sky Bow loudly.
"Oh, won't they hear your"
whispered Nancy.
whats the difference?" said Mis-
ter Sky Bow. They're proud of it,"
What are we proud off" asked
somebody. And turning, the Twins
eheid crowd Of little creatures all
grinning foolishly.
Being Dummies" answered the
fairy man.
"Sure We are!" declared the Dunn
mics. 1--WE haven't a thought in our
heads"
but what do you do about your
lessons ?" asked Nancy.
Being Dummies, we never have
any," one of them answered.
What do you do about your man.
ners?" asked Nick.
Being Dummies, we're not ex-
pected to have any" answered an
other.
"What do you do about your
work ?" asked Nick.
Being Dummies, we can't do
any," said q third.
But hox can you keen vour
friends if you don't do anything and
don't know anythingr it was
turn to inquire.
Being Dummies, we haven't anv
friends" they answered. ~.
: "But how can you be so happy il
you haven't any friends? ?"
Just because we're Dummies"
hev shouted.
well, Ia hate to Re q Dummy"
Nick couldn't help saying.
"Thet's just becau.a you aren't !
,ne." they declared. IF you were a /
Dummy you'd love n
"Core a,on~, !" SAID Mister Skv
Rnw Gone thine ahort the pnmn,ies, !
They're h-rrv ahept nothing, ut a1l,r
ITO Be Cn-Ssnred.l I
Copyright. 1923, NEA Service, Inc.) |
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
LETTER FROM LESLIE PRESCOTT
TO HER FRIEND, BEATRICE
GRIMSHAW.
I'll ~

DEAR. BEE: -.
| 1t looks to me, from some of the
letters you have been writing me
lately, that you are thinking very
seriously of marrying your young
man. -
have only one question to ask. Is
he an orphan? ~
You have told me that he was an
only son and, that ching the case,
let me warn you if his mother ,is
still alive you are laying up for your
self great unhappiness in marrying
him.
Why Is: it, Bee. thas. mothers are
always. trying to marry on their
daughters and. always trying to. hang
on to their sons?
| expect Freud would have an ex-
PLANTATION for this, bur surely all
mothers must know that they can
only marry their daughters to some
other mothers son.
You saw Jacks mother at the
wedding and you also saw that an
gular prissy-mouthed girl that
trotted around with hcr. Well, that's
the giil his mother wanted Jack to
marry if she couldn't keep him UNI
married
Unfortunately for her, Jack tells
me that my mouth is the most kiss
able one in all the world. ANYWAY
at least my mouth tusns up at the
corners and hers turns down, and l
got Mrs. Presco,t's darling boy and
Priscilla Bradford did not.
Up to date Jack has been on my
side of controversy in which his
mother and Miss Bradford seem to
imply that / am an extravaganza,
frivolous flirt. BIT, honestly, l am
frightened to death. Sometime am
going to do something which I shall
consider perfectly Innocent and +h;a
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
BABIES

King Of England gets called down by hospital nurse
for rocking cradle It that the medical profession
IL swinging "agn" cradle rocking claiming that makes
The baby i'll.
It's an iconocastic age live in, and no idea or Gus
tom safe the ref0rers and researchers It's
al Neutrality-suspicious. nerv0us restlessness.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
"WELL, so LONGw

How may miles day do you travel to and from work
How many miles year Figure may surprise YOU
lives Maine farm and rides by train sc miles every
morning to work in Boston, then sc miles home again every
night.
To accomplish this he has to leave home at 500 in the
morning Reaches his Boston office at 945 Leaves the
office at :55 in the afternoon. Gets home at 7:45
In ALL Emmons spends eight hours daily, getting to
and from work His is exceptional But the
city nhabtant devotes at least an hour to travelling
back and forth between office and home.
g sometimes 1T makes Wonder if shouldn't get paid
for this timeke for instance the plumber starting
job.
Emmons has to be in Boston daily. For Boston is head
quarters OF three corporations of which he's treasurer He's
willing travel 1872 miles day. devotinp over eight hours
to the trip in order to live his boyhood and sleep
nightly in the room where he was born
"A lure powerful than steel going to the magnet is
of Europe amicaby For home isn't home when
bosses it.
Another phenomenal commuter is Joseph c. Beck g. of
Goshen Ind For 36 he has been railway mail clerk
on the New York Central always the run-between
Chicago and Cleveland
Soon to retire pension Beck remnisceny gets busy
with pencil and estimates that in the 36 has
eled close to three million miles his mail run.
How would like to have to travel the distance
year IN and year out repeatedly the territory
And still some OF us think our work is monotonous.
Twenty or thirty years ago the person who planned a
long railroad trip the talk of the neighborhood Now
he shows up missing after an absence of few weeks tells
yawn.
We have become nation of tramps The auto is largely
for all hls also prompt and speedy train service
At that though we're stay at-homes compared with
descendants who will hop into their airpanes take week
end Journeys to the far of the earth BY stretching
the imagination tre, picture sched
ued for 1000 more miles away.
How long until weary of earth travel and head our
planes out in to the other planets and the moon?
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
SOLVED

There is always way out of every tight situation
Samuel Lowey New York jeweer motoring to his place
Of business when thugs held him up They got his $500
cash but they didn't get his 500 diamond ring 81 swa
lowed it," Sam told police
TIN take surgeon to the ring Most of us would
prefer losing the ring to having in stomachs. In
solving one problem, usually create and
problem
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1923-07-14
YOUR SLAVE


Homework of American women is ightened by
about 81 million pieces of electrical apparatus counting
lights The list of these electric abor-savnq devices in the
home will interest
385OOO0 Vacuum cleaners
- 100000 Electric fans
2,915OOO Electric clothes washers.
100000 Heaters and radiators.
100000 Toasters
100000 Coffee percolators.
e-' $4,000 Sewing machines
10000 Ironing machines.
100000 DshWashers
These the devices that lead Others of course The
wonder is that there aren't use. There will be- in
time.
In 1880 the population of the United States was less thar
half Whist tits In those days. less than million dol
lars invested the electric light power industry
-~Foday e"ivestment is around five billion dollars or
about 5000 times as much.
In whole country 900 homes $500
of them wired for electrical service In addition the
lines ready to extend the service
homes they want the power.
The electric light and power industry is growing so
rapidly that requires billion dollars of capital
year.
Electricity will be the main fuel and power the future
We have barely entered the Electrical Age One of it's great
est developments will be the conversion of coal into electric
the nes the to be out country
by high tension wires by radio Among other things this
will tremendous of money and time, by emnat
ing long hauls of coal from mine to consumer
Chained Lightning is growing into your best slave
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
rs Years Ago Today
(Taken from Herald of that date.

f Z
The first granite block for the SOL
diers monument was hoisted into
place today. 49,"
The rainfall for the month as regis
tered by the Herald" amounted to
eight inches.
Clothes line thieves have been at
work in the southern end of the town.
A family on South Main street lost
several articles of wearing apparel
last night.
The men engaged In laying a water
main on Booth street quit work today
because of the heat.
Frank Dletz, the florist, has left the
employ of J. A. Traut to enter bust
ness for himself. Mr.. Dietz has been
employed by Mr.. Traut for number
of years. SIZE
Miss Jennie Cooney Is i'll at her
home on Union street.
o. N. Judd and John Girard came
down West Main street this morning
on tandem and collided with an
other rider in front of the post office,
and all hands were spilled out on the
street. No one was injured.
North & Judd is building a new
smokestack at the. factory. .r
Hans o. Nelson has sold a lot and
house on Austin street to Fred Carl
son.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

have been no great price changes and
the orders for fall are touching wide
field, considerable in the aggregate,
but small when each individual order
is considered, The belief seems to be
that the price situation will continue
to be steady for some time to come.
Good September business is predicted,
In this connection 1t is interesting
to note that manufactured articles
continue to make up the largest single
item for American exports, while raw
materials ranked second and partly or
wholly manufactured foodstuffs third.
In the import the heaviest purchase
were those of raw materials.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
VALUABLE SUGGESTIONS

The President of the American Bal
Association. John w. Davis, of New
York, in addressing that organization.
46th annual convention made severa
valuable suggestions two of which are
of especial interest at this time. Tho
first is that constitutional amendments
should be submitted directly to the
people of the several states or to the
legislatures selected after and not be-
fore the amendment had been pro-
posed.
In other words disapproval is indi-
Gated of the present situation where
legislature is elected without any
question having been raised that will
affect the constitution. The prohibition
amendment, for instance, is a case in
point. When most of the men were
elected who would later have to pass
upon that amendment, the probability
of the amendment being before them
had net appeared. Those who voted
for them did not know whether or not
they would be in favor of such an
amendment, because the matter had
not come to the point where is was
expected such legislators would have
to vote for or against it. Under the
suggested plan no constitutional
amendment could be submitted to any
legislature unless the members of such
legislature had been elected after the
had been proposed. The
people would have a chance to find
out which men; on the different
tickets, would be in favor of the
and which opposed. The
men they wanted, with this knowledge
in mind. And amendment would be
proposed-say it was like the 18th
Election would not be far
off, perhaps-at any rate the voters
would know that this new amendment
would come before the men they
elected. II would very probably infiu-
ence them in their votes were they to
know just how the candidates stood on
such a question. The proposal is a step
in the direction of allowing the people
to have a more powerful voice in any
constitutional changes, and as such
step is TO be approved.
Another point raised wa. en preston
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
soLEMNLY EMPHASIZED

| Much has been said and written Of
the extent to which disregarding the
provisions of the Volstead Law has
been carried by men and women who
never before thought of breaking any
law or conniving at the breaking OF
| the law. Now, today, the following
reference is made in all earnestness to
emphasize the fact that disregard OF
the spirit of this law reached into the
highest places. Out of the reference
that will be made will come not a less
respect for the memory of President
Harding, but rather a respect more
profound And yet this reference will
be taken by some as unseemly. 1t is
made only because of the seriousness
of situation caused by the prohibit
ton enforcement act as it is interpret
ed by those who try to enforce 1t.
We may pass over the reported
assertion of cx-Gov. Sproul of Penn
sylvania that he believes President
Harding's death was FASTENED by his
determination to give up the OCCASION
al use of liquor There may be truth
in the belief; there may be none. That
is not the point. The point is that the
late President Harding, probably con-
sdered as splendid a type. of the
American citizen as we know, did vio-
late the spirit of the Volstead act up
to few months before he died. It was
not until after the delivery of his
Denver speech, pledging himself to
enforcement. that he gave up Scotch
whiskey as a beverdge, according to
reports which seem to be authentic.
A friend of the late President is
quoted as saying The late President
Harding was never much of a drink
er, but it is true that he liked an oc-
casional drink of Scotch. During the
last few months of his life he drank
very little, and l know that he told an
intimate friend on the Henderson on
his way back to the States from Alas
ka that he had never taken drink
since the date of the delivery of his
Denver law enforcement speech"
If every man in the country were
like the late President Harding in this
respect--if every man determined to
obey the law no matter whether he
of it or not, prohibition en-
forcement would be an easy matter.
But all men are not like that. Respect
for the memory of the late President |
will be increased when it is known that |
he made this determination, so en-
nenty proper for one in his position.
But the menace of a law the spirit of
which is violated for a long time by
he President of the United States is
again and in the most !
rorcible manner possible. And this is
said with admiration for President
Harding for taking the stand he
lid in his high position--and it is said
,or the sole purpose the serious pur-
pose of bringing out the danger of the
present enforcement rules.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

OF the repeated hope that "a way may
be found by which the government OF
the United s@etes may avail itself OF
the permanent court of international
justice" This has been emphasized In
these columns and decision of the
court was cited limiting its jurisdiction
to those who were members of the
League OF Nations or those who sub
mitted voluntarily to the court for the
purpose of the case under considera-
ton. This ruling was made contrary
to the desire of the League and in 1t
may be seen the courts independence
of the League,
The American Bar Association is
composed of men of achievement The
recommendation of Its president are
worthy of deep consideration.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Detailed Demands

London, Aug. 30.-Reuter's Rome
correspondent says that the Italian
demands on Greece include the fol-
lowing;
A solemn funeral shall be given the
victims Of the massacre in the Cath
Ollie cathedral in Athens In tho pres
ence of all members of the Greek
government.
Honors are to be rendered to the
Italian feet by the Greek ships of war
at the Piraeus, and to an Italian
naval division which will be sent to
that port especially for the purpose.
The Hellenic fleet is to fire salvos Of
81 guns and while the salute. is being
given the Italian flag must be flown
at the mastheads.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
DOUBLE BIRTHDAY PARTY

A pretty double birthday party in
honor of Miss Mary Sodea and
George Sullivan was held at the home
of Miss Freida Murray on 73 Russell
street last evening. About 80 guests
were present from Hartford. ProW-
dence and this city.
Pink and white streamers adorned
the, ceilings of the rooms used for
dancing. An orchestra of musically
talented guests furnished music.
The program of entertainment con-
sisted of several vocal selections by
James Donohue, Mary Soden, George
Sullivan and John Schenck, piano Sc
lections by Madeleine kindeline and
song by Hazel Sullivan. Games
and dancing occupied the attention
of the guests for most of the evening.
A buffet lunch was served.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

When the new baby arrives little
Willie discovers that his seniority
rights are worth something less than
two whoops.
Friendship is a funny thing. The
bee has more friends than the wasp
because he collects something man
can frisk him for.
Still, if non but high class i'm
migrants are admitted, some of the
native born are due to- have some
humiliating experiences.
You can't tell by the way Ford
acts whether he is Republican or
Democrat And at times it is equally
difficult to label the parties.
There is something singularly path
etic about a man searching vainly for
drink and growing that Prohibition
can't be made effective.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
HARDWARE SITUATION

The possibility of a strike by the
coal miners has not affected the hard
ware situation adversely according TO
the weekly summary of conditions in
the hardware market as presented by
the Hardware Age Note is made of
the fact that some jobbets are said to
contemplate ordering additional stoves
and heaters for gas. oil and wood
fuel. however.
But the general situation remains
a. 1t has been fog a month past. There
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
PERSONALS

Mr. and Mrs. Dwight Skinner and
son of Camp street are at Block Is
land.
Miss Ruth Ogren of Belden street
has returned from a months stay in
Canada.
John Burke and his son, John, Jr.,
and Miss Margaret Griffin of North
Andover, Mass, are spending a va
cation with relatives on Black Rock
avenue.
Miss Agnes O'keefe y Of North
street, is spending a two weeks va
cation at Rochester. N. Y.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Dissertations on
The Weather

For Connecticut: Fair tonight and
Friday: moderate temperature; gentle
northerly winds becoming variable.
Conditions:
The pressure is high along the At
lantic coast. No well defined storm
area dpepars on the chart. Showers
have occurred during the last "a
hours on the Gulf and Atlantic coasts
but the disturbances are passing out
TO sea.
Conditions favor for This vicinity
fair weather with cool nights and
sunny ds.ya
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Miss COllett Is Winner
In Semi-FinaI Match TODAY

Eastern Point, Aug. 3O.-Miss Glen
ma Collect, national women's golf
champion won her semi final match
against Miss Audrey Faust of St.
Louis Country club in the Shennecos-
sett trophy invitation tournament to-
Gay but the surprise was in the fact
that the latter carried ner through to
the goth hole.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
ADMIRAL KNOX DIES

Annapolis, Md, Aug. 3O.-Rear
Admiral Harry G. Knox. retired, died
suddenly yesterday aboard a train
en- route from, ST. Louis to Greenville,
o., according to reports received ere
today. His death was due to heart
failure, it was said.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Anti-Greek Demonstrations

London, Aug. 30.-Demonstrations
against Greeks are reported from all
parts of Italy, says a Central News
dispatch from Rome but so far as is
known no acts of violence have &C.
Cured.
The government has called on the
newspapers and the fascist forces to
assist in the maintenance of order
and discipline.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
OLD SHIPS AS TARGETS.

Boston. Aug. S0.-The obsolete ct
teships New Jersey and Virginia left
the navy yard here today in tow of
mine sweeper and two tugs for Cape
Hatteras. They will be used as tar
gets for the guns of the more recent
battleships of the Atlantic feet.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
BIG R, R, SURPLUS

New York, Aug. 80. - New York
Central lines report surplus after
charges of s1o,374,777 for the quarter
ending June 80 as compared with
s6,3s7,6SS in the corresponding period
last year.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
BRITISH YACHT WINS AGAIN

BY The Associated Press.
Rothesay. Aug. 30.-The British six
meter yacht Cola III, won the fifth
and deciding heat for the Seawanha-
ka cup today from the American
yacht Lea. The trophy thus remains
in Scotland for another year.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
GREEKS UNWILLING
TO ACCEPT Terms.
CONTINUED from First Page)

armed band Of Greek who fired on
Gen. Tellini, Major Corti, Lieut.. Bona
cini and the chauffeur Farneti, and
killed them ALL News dispatches also
included the interpreter, Cravcri,
among the victims). -,
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Member Audit Bureau Of Circulation

The A. p. G. 10 nationaY organization
which furnishes newspapers and adver-
tisers with a strictly honest analysis OF
circulation. Our circulation statistics are
based upon this audit. This insures pro-
lection against fraud in newspaper dis
tribution figures to both national and
local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
ITALIAN CABINET MEETS

BY The Associated Press.
Rome. Aug. 30.-The massacre of
Italian officers near the Albanian
frontier was considered at a cabinet
meeting today under the chairman
ship of Premier Mussolini.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

People know flivvers are cheap be-
cause of great production, and yet
wonder why laws no longer inspire
respect
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

How are budgets balanced in little
out-of-the-way European countries
that are neglected by the tourists?
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

Amy virile people, by practicing war,
can in time conquer almost everything
except it's own appetite.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30
Facts andFancies
BY ROBERT CULLEN.

American wheat, it appears, is en-
joying complete and splendid isola-
ton.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

Keep the stock moving is the
merchants slogan, but the one doesn't
have to worry much about it If he
deals in roller skates.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

An ideal candidate is one radical
enough to win the grouches and con-
sentative enough not to scare Wall
Street.
New Britain herald., 1923-08-30

Russian admits he is greatest
pianist in the world. Pshaw! We
don't have to go to Russia to find that
sort of chap.