The mirror., 1923-05-24
YOUNG AUTHORS N. 3.
Continued from page II


firm jaw like jug-head jackass, an eye
as hard as Clipped granite, and sur
rounding physiognomy that could be offered
in mute explanation as to why girls leave
home. Next in importance is the heroine
who marries the young sheriff or reforms
the desperado and sentences him to life
in connubial condition. She should be
as fair as the prairie rose that opens its
modest eyes when the sun peeps over the
hill as modest as Jap in California;
as we'll formed as the pick of Ziegfeld
chorus; as lovable as a $1,000 bill; and
as faithful as mortgage. 1t is best to
have her the daughter of the grizzled
rancher with sideburns and dropping
moustaches.
There should be pinto pony in every
story of the old west where men live
primitive lives Use as many steers,
heifers, coyotes, and booted sheep-herders
as you see fit. Men should drink their
alkali straight, be faster than chain
lightning on the draw and as upright as
a piano. Work in a feud between cattle
and sheep men, say over the former max
ing sleeps eyes at the winsome lass of
the latter's camp. By all means kill at
least fifty while the trouble lasts.
Then there is the romantic love story,
the kind that thrills that brings the first
stage of the St. Vitus dance to the reader.
The heroine may be clerk at the ribbon
counter of The Bon Marche, an ivory
ticker at the movie palace or steno in
the Office of the man who lures girls to
their destruction la spider and the fly.
For the hero you may use the jantor, the
slip horn player, and the Office boy. The
honest but lowly custodian of the COB
boon's has long loved Thelma Tangle
foot, the counter jumper, but she spurns
him when Lewelwyn Lancaster, the floor
walker starts to pay her marked atten-
ton. But honest Ole, the yanitor, is faith
full and one night when the two step out
among them he follows. Thelma, the
beautiful but dumb is enticed into chop
suey palace where she is overcome by the
fumes of eggs that were in existence when
King Tut was teething, placed in a truck
and spirited away to the lair of the vii
lain, which is road-house where every
thing is wild but the head-ettuce. Ole
follows and engages Rudolph Rossendale
in mortal combat, finally killing him by
thrusting a piece of cheese down his
throat. Thelma, realizing the true worth
of Ole accepts him as her lawful welded
husband, and they go down to Wool
worths and get "God Bless Our Home"
wall motto Reserve the motion picture
rights on this.
In case you wish to gain reputation
as realistic writer pay heed to the fol-
lowing suggestions. When speaking of
perambulators. or Aivvers specify the vim
tage, racing or truck bodyetc.; stress the
drip, drip, drip of the water from the
faucet; whether Mrs. Soandso uses Camels
or Fatimas and her opinion on birth con-
troll. Prescribe in liberal doses.
Certain American magazines use busi
ness stories. We will outline briefly the
plot for one, telling of the life of a boy
of humble parentage who achieves the
pinnacle of success by honesty and by
keeping faith with the Republican party.
Gabriel B. Goofus is the name of this great
man. He was born at Sap Center, Mis-
souri,, April 1st, 1888, employed in the
Office of The Sap Center Screech from
1900 to 1905 as Office boy, janitor and
editor. Young Gabriel was but seventeen
when he entered upon his career as a
journalist but his surprising dexterity
with the gobboons soon gained recognition
for him, and promotion followed rapidly.
He entered Hoosis University in 1906
and graduated at the head of his class
four years later.