The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-07-20


Huntington and Mrs. Augustus Tulking-
ton in their disgustingly familiar parts
Of Honorable Augustus Huntington and
Mrs. Augustus Tuikington,' whatf It's
not wonder you want divorce; it's
wonder you don't murder each
other"
Amelia Tithers was looking at me
thoughtfully.
"You can't grow new hair" she said,
but you might wear a wig occa.
sionaily..
what no, yes |" cried Tithers, jump
ing from his chair excitedly. "when
he stages himself as the Concelted
Elderly ASS, what7 A toupee. what,
And white spatsl And a monoclef No,
not msnocle. A monocle can't be
done"
But It was done. II was not a COM
plete success, It would not stick In my
eye, but dangled II from, a string and
learned to swing II around my fore
finger quite well. Exceedingly we'll,
may say.
As anything seemed preferable to
divorce, Susan and !, after thorough
consideration of the matter in COM
pany with George Tithers and his wife,
agreed to appoint George and Amelia
stage managers OF our married life
and ! allowed them liberal compen.
sation. After long consultation
George and Amelia decided that II
would be best for George to be my per-
sonal manager while Amelia managed
Susan. agreed to everything in adj
vance, but I was surprised when
George presented me with sheet OF
paper at the top OF which he had writ
ten Cast Of Characters" On this
sheet were written six varieties Of hus-
bands, all men OF my acquaintance,
and no two alike At the head OF the
list was written "Janusry-Self, pros
porous banker" And following this
was "February--H. p. Diggleton. club
man. heavy sport" and 'March-Win-
ston Bopple, nirt. lady-chaser," and so
on down to "June--Carey s. Flick, con-
ceited elderly fusser, etc" July was
again to be self, prosperous banker"
And SO on for the second six months.
As the month was now August l was
to be, not myself, but a person resem-
bling as nearly as possible II. P. Dig
gleton. For the month OF August SUI
san was to have as her husband not
myself but, to all intents and purposes,
some one equivalent to II. P. Diggle-
ton. George Tithers saw that l was
fully equipped with manners and
habits when he could not be sure what
H. p. Diggleton would do he invented
something new for me to do instead.
] admit that as the day approached
when l was TO become a practically
new and unknown husband to Susan
became keenly excited. This was not
because l was to be another man but
because knew / was to have in Susan
an entirely new wife. had never
been so interested In anything in my
life. When the thirteen trunks, con-
taining the thirteen complete sets of
costumes Susan was to wear In her
thirteen representations came into the
house and were carried to the store
room I actually trembled with excite
ment as i saw them and noticed the
huge white numerals painted ON their
sides. I say thirteen trunks because
Amelia Tithers had decided that,
month by month, Susan should be thlr.
teen women. She felt that Susan, be.
ing woman, was equal to the task,
and by letting Susan be q different
woman each month for thirteen months
while | ran, so to speak, In cycle Of
but six months, II would be many years
before the same husband could have
the same wife. II, for example Susan
should be Mary p. Miller in August TO
my H. P. Diggieton, there would be
no danger that she would be Mary r..
Miller to my II. P. Diggleton the next
August, because II Mary z. Miller was
wife No. I, when August came again
Susan would be wife No. 13, and the
next August she would be wife No. ~.
Thus continuous novelty was as
sured.
On the glorious August morning
when cur experiment was to begin |
opened my eyes and raised myself or
my elbow to take last iook--for
twelve monthsat the old Susan
Tulkington She was not there
ieaped from bed, bathed ana hurried
into the clothes George Tithers mad
supplied Tor my D,ggleton lmpersona'
tiop ana hastenea uowh s'alfs'
4Your wife?p Amelia Tithers said
pleasantly. oh, you'll not see your
Wife this month at all she is, TINS
month, one OF the gaddy ladies VINO
ny from thelf huspahos III .ne sum
inef. susan mas gone 10 newport
thehce she goes 10 Aiassa' lou e"n
eApee' ner as tfe secohu Mrs' iuik'ne
ION on or ABOUT .he nrs' u septeh'oet'
l. can assert tnat susan ana ! oia
MOI guafrel that August. IN TACT i
never ioseu aun ipiiseu ior susan as
truly as l aio to"aru .he emu vi 'nat
f.o..,,.. ,r4.h... i,a,t ,v. s,,,rrod O., tho
roto and am sure did .yaIi mada