Evening star., 1923-08-16
CAPITAL KEYNOTES
BY PAUL y. COLLINS

There was very kind and SYM
pathetic man, who wanted to follow
the dictates of fashion. He owned a
fdog, whose tail was unfashionably
long. He thought to standardize that
caudal appendage, but, being kind
and sympathetic. he refused to be too
sudden and drastic; he reduced'it one
inch at time.
The canine was the public of the
District of Columbia. If the Standard
Oil Company had not been so kind
and sympathetic it might have caused
heart failure by Tsxanizing the price
of gas all at once. Or IT might have
transported US all out to the Dakotas
and sold us gas at 152 cents, instead
of 22 cents-carbon thrown in; but
now the kind and sympathetic soc"
cuts off the extortionate rate one
lone cent-or promises to do so. Any
body can AFFORD to ride then. The
cent will buy a postal card to send
thanks.
1t is rumored that President Cool
idge is preparing a series of speeches
for a swing around the circle, and
that he gets up early to rehearse
, them. A day or two ago he swung
around the circle''-Thomas Circle--in
an automobile and. although accom-
panied by his friend. Mr.. Stearns.
and secret service men. he had time
! to rehearse his entire Grafton. 1t
consisted of four words: up Four
teenth. Home, Jeems"'
In comparison, what chatterbox
was the Egyptian Sphinx.
Attention is called to the known
| fact that the Egyptian Sphinx Is
literally embedded in sand"
| 4. x -
! In the Bill of Rights recognized by
the United States Constitution (sec-
| ton X, clause 81. II Is expressly pro-
Vided that the Cabots are illegal. II
says: No title of nobility shall be
granted by the United States"
| When Edward Prince of Wales was
In Philadelphia, he betrayed his in
sularity by bluntly asking, What's
a Bidder but he was never so be-
nighted as, to require Cabot to be
tagged.
Before the hen which laid the
| fresh esq which Columbus stood on
end-even before the mother of that
hen had cackled-there were Cabots
| in Back Bay. next door to the old
Lowell family. and now here come
| these upstarts, Kabotchnicks, with
| the audacity 20 want to make a nick
in their names and be-would you be-
lieve it?-kabots.
x
| Go TO Europe, and one can buy
titles to dukedoms. At bargain price.
lone may becona a pripca d.. oo,~,.
to the land where all men are created
equal. and have the effrontery TO be
| come. by law. a kabot, as these
there kabotschnfcks are trying TO be
that shows how the proletariat are
preparing to revolutionize America
1t is not merely boring from with
| init is the awfplest bore that was
ever attempted-fn all directions.
! There are plenty of other names
| why can. I they be satisfied to use the
! other end of their name, and be call
ed Nick, for short? They might be
confused with Old Nick. but that
would not be so bad as being mixed
up with aristocratic Cabots. would it;
Old Nick is a parvenu as compared
with the original Cabots.
+ !:
| When the aforesaid Harry kabot-
schnick and Myrtle Kabotschnick un-
| dertook to have the court amputate
the tails of their name. all the Cabots
4 arose in righteous indignation, and
| asked for an injunction, lest serious
land irreparable injury be done te
their noble ancestry. Kabots today v
| and Cabots tomorrow. Thus do climb.
ers ascend. "Cabots and Kings" must
and shall be protected. under the ad.
ministration of the New England
| President. though II will require z
| constitutional amendment
!: x
Burglars robbed the German EN-,
bassy of S30.00s worth of liquors las
Monday. and also broke into the