The mirror., 1923-11-08
A GEOGRAPHICAL READER
By Mr.. Fl. B.

UNITED STATES OF NORTH AMERICA
HE history of the United States begins with Nor
way and, according to politicians, promises to end
with Russia
The United States was discovered by Lars Anton
Erickson, Norwegian captain commanding the
Anchor Line S. S. Stavangerford, Bergen, Norway to
Fnar's Ford, Greenland Glass 200 kroner)-
driven off his by heavy weather. Capt Erickson
carrying mail contract and having poor opinion of
New England, anyway, didn't heave anchor, but did
mention land fall in his log and marked the position in
his chart This about 1000 A. D.
About 1892 Year of Our Lord, Christopher Colombo,
a young naval officer handsome, dark and sexy like
Valentino the Hudnut, made hit with the Queen of
Spain by his parlo tricks egg balancing etc., and
classy steppin'. Oh! Sweet Baaby He's there like
bear! Colombo playing short jack like all them
sheks and true to form he got the sweet woman hook
her sum she could stake him three herring boats
loaded with White Horse Scotch which he would Of
taken America and make killing. But like all these
naval astocrats he didn't savvy sail much kid, he got
himself stung good and plenty them ships He had
to land the Bahamas for drydock and the English
tipped him off to Volstead. Colombo didn't belong to
the gang See? So they squawked good and loud Poor
Of Chris could make it inside the three mile limit
they watched him that close and when he fell down
the job, his sweet aabnc had him pinched for obtain
ing money under false pretenses 1t broke his heart and
he shualed off this mortal coil. He good guy but
he ought to have known better than lay himself open
to skirt.
The Pilgrim Fathers being considered undesirable ci
by England beat the Jail by deporting themselves
the and rock bound coast of New England.
They communists and of course they hadda rob
the caches of the native Americans keep alive
the first coupa years. The native born Americans tried
hard to Amercanize these foreigners but they were
awful dumb and hadn't any more ideer of living easy
and healthfu in the lap of bouneous Nature than the
King of Siam. They persisted in cngng their crude,
unsanitary old country habits of drinking, witch
hanging Quaker killing and stealing from the better
informed native Americans.
Finally the native Americans after long series of
outrages decided upon drastic action The integrity of
American institutions and the preservation of American
ideals required immediate action. If these foreigners
didn't capable of assimilation desirous of be-
coming Amercanized let them go back the country
they FROM Armed bands of patriots especially the
K. K K. he Kickapoos the Komanches and the Kowas)
posted up the famous 7777 warning the houses of
recactrant foreigners. "Move or die!"
1t is true that few women and children killed
by stray bullets and that burned alive when
they foolshly persisted in staying in the houses.
Regretabe as these incidents they cannot be
attributed to nhumanity the part of the loyal Amer-
cans. 1t was strategic necessity; the blame if any
there is lies with the leaders who mislead the poor
ignorant pilgrims into resisting lawful authority. The
houses built of timber unlawfully and without
compensation of the duly constituted owners
thereof manufactured from illegally and without
lawful warrant cut upon lands feonously misappro-
prated from the legal owners, heirs, assigns and
descendants thereof 1t is therefore quo status
somei of law that the vermiform appendix being
quahed the native Americans were internationally and
domestic scenceicaly justified therein.
But owing to the inefcency and corruptness of the
Board of immigration and the pressure of economic con-
ditions in Europe the influx of foreigners page 81