The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-03-02

maresw
| When preacher stoops to Islander
it is not surprising that bis follow
ers 'bridleth not their tonguesl"
%*#%ss
"DRY, SIGNS STATEMENT HER
| HUSBAND SHOT HER," says a
news heading in the Philadelphia
North American
| Which may, or may not, prove
that wet" propaganda was to
| blame
| 1t is rather significant that all the
American tourists who complain that
| they were mistreated by the French
IN he Ruhr have German names!
One of the pieces of propaganda
put out by the whining Huns is
photograph of police officer about
to pick up baby sitting on a door
step. The caption says, "NEWB0RN
BABE DESERTED BY ITS MO-
THEIR DISCOVERED BY POLICE
MAN. FOOD is so SCARCE IN
GERMANY THAT THIS OCCURS
REGULARLY"
And the funny part of il is that
this newborn babe" is sitting up
right, appears to be about two years
old, and is wearing shoes that ap-
pear to be about number five!
*s%&s.
About the funniest thing we have
ever seen or heard is the futile at
tempts of certain editor to be fun
ny!
+***+@
As an editor, he is darned good
muck-raker!
There are all kinds of Sucker
games" in this world, and it seems
that we get more than our share of
invitations to join them. And we pity
the poor boobs who haven't as much
ability as we have to say mo-. For
certainly they can get under your
skin.
But the latest invitation to be a
Sucker" that we have received has
made us laugh long and loud. 1t is
engraved on wedding panel paper OF
expensive quality. The following is
reproduction of it:
YOU ARE HEREBY EXTENDED
AN INVITATION TO SECURE
an interest in
A MERCANTILE ORGANIZATION
established 80 years.
Invitations extended only to
few selected persons and
the right is reserved to reject
any application.
Is it surprising that SO many PEG
pie play the sucker game" and lose
their perfectly good money?
%%*#ss
Now that Warren G. Stone, presi.
dent of the Brotherhood of Locomo.
tive Engineers, has become a direc-
tor in the Empire Trust Bank in New
York, we wonder if the labor unions
are going to continue their fight OF
CAPITAL!
A young printer in Chicago has
just inherited two million dollars. He
says he is not going to quit his work
Il like printing" he says, "and what
a fellow likes he ought to do. l don't
want to be moneyed loaferl"
sx*&-s
We wish he'd bring his two million
iron men and come to work for us!
&$*s*s
It's a safe bet that misery penny
pinchers are not in favor of hospi-
tai in Lambertville!
*ss+*s
Lambertjlle Odd Fellows staged
the pluto Degree" last week. And
y they lived up to their name in the
staging"
Pluto was the son of Saturn anc
Ops, (according to Roman Mytho.
logy,) and he is reputed to have in,
herited the "lower regions when hi.
brothers, Neptune and Jupiter, inner,
tied the sea and land respectively.
ss&$ss
History records that the worship.
pers of Pluto sacrificed bulls to him.
**%~*s
Present day devotees in the "Plutc
Degree" also use the "bull."
And S. P. c. A. Thornton is mas.
ter of the art!
"Lay on your stuff And damned
be he who first cries, Enough"
sss%&s
1t was luncheon time up at Ire
lands Quarry. The horses were impa,
tiently stamping as they awaited then
tea and toast. So Don Park, out Of
the bigness of his heart, set then
luncheon before them, then stepped
back proudly to watch them inhale
their food A Hostler came in. "Whut.
incl dija take off their brides fer?'
he asked. SOS they could chew" re-
piled Dapper Don,