The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-10-19
SMILIN THRU
BY GEE SEE
YES, WE HAV' DA LICENSE
TODAY"

Ia Centa BfeedBe 1OlkS nav no
eat;
They can no cross da Delaware
For buy da groceries an da meat.
So Campsiano OPP da store
Zen hees-a house for try an sell
Da thengs to folks cen Centa
Breedge
Wat they need YER much like bad
But wen da Stockton storekeep'
see
They lose da trade, eet max than
sore;
An so they try for MAX da
scheme
For close up Campsiano's store.
An so da tax collect-a come
An say, 81 guess close your
store,
Excep' you hav' da license now
You can no sell da theengs no
more"
An Campsiano tell heem, Eyes,
We hav' da license today"
An show da paper wher' he pay,
you theenk> l born jus yester-
day."
Da tax collect.a max excuse
An go away from Their weeth
speed.
So Campsiano keep hees store
An sell da thengs da peopla need.
#a#asa
Now comes Florence Halpin, of
Minneapolis, and sues theatre in
that city because a draft blew her
skirts over her head while she was
watching the show.
#aa##s
Evidently she thinks the perform
ance she gave was worth more than
that upon the stage.
@&4#s#
Which surprises us. Most girls
nowadays seem to be anxious to
show all they've got without col
Letting damages.
#8@a@#
CAT!
DR.. Magill sends us the following
extract from a Connecticut woman's
diary, dated 1880: Eve had roast
pork for dinner, and Doctor s., who
carved, held up rib on his fork
and said, Here, ladies', is what Mo-
Their Eve was made Of Yes said
Sister Patty, and it's from much
the same kind of critter. .
a4&##4
What's the best joke you ever
heard? Send it in, and let the rest
of us laugh at it.
aa$$@@
BLUE, PALE GREEN AND
VIOLET HUED SHOES NEWEST
THINGS FOR SHEIKS," reads
fashion note from London.
@@@asa
Handsome men in the Trenton
Times contest, please take note!
n@&R&n
We have just read that more bust
ness men are marrying their stem
ographers than ever before
@as@%e
Which leads us to believe that
the shorthand profession is not GO
ing to be shorthanded in the near
future.
%&@@@4s
"The night has thousand eyes
the day but one" says the poet.
And we wonder if that would show
up the story Hap Dilley told at the
Odd Fellows banquet of the Chick
en-" who was taking night auto
ride with her sweetie!
s@&a&#
Once upon time the Town Rat
came to visit the Country Mouse.
She sneered at the Country Mouse
when she saw the fliver traps the
Village Sheiks had set for them. 81
wouldn't be found dead in one of
those things" she said Then the
Town Rat returned to the city and
got Caught" in a Yellow Taxi Cab.
sa&s&a
Signs, that disfigure the roadsides
are an abomination in the eyes of
Nature. The only one we ever
heard of that we appreciated was
where a preacher had painted on a
rock: WHAT WILL YOU DO
WHEN YOU DIE?" and shortly af-
ter a patent medicine sign painter
came along. He wrote under the
preachers Scare head" USE
CUREALL! GOOD FOR BURNS!"
&@@%as
A Grabbed old preacher named Bings
Said hell was paved deep with the
filings
OF wine, women and song.
Then some Sheik in the throng
Yelled ont. Grave where is thy
stings?"
SENRHa
No, Magnoliabelle. the Japanese
earthquake was not caused by "The
Rock of Ages"
&AaHN&
Most any girl could be Queen if
her King had the Jack to Trump her
| Heart
sewa&a
The only people who are opposed
to seeing town boom and prosper
are the spawned old fogies who are