The mirror., 1923-10-04
A GEOGRAPHICAL READER
By Mr.. Fl. B.
SCANDINAVIA

Scandinavia, ike ancient Saul, is
divided into three parts; Denmark, Sweden
and Norway. To the outlander the three
peoples appear very similar but it is
justi6able homicide in Norway for Nor
wegian to reply with large shot gun full
of assorted nails, rocks and herring bones
when addressed as "Swede." Vice Versa
in Sweden. Much versa. No one knows
the penalty in Denmark for confusing
Gustafus with Ole or Sven, but it is some
thing awful. Maybe boiling alive in oil
or something.
The history of Scandinavia begins with
the Vikings. The Vikings were large
blond men of hasty >tempers and pre-
daceous instincts. Their favorite indoor
sport was wearing out the long winter
night in wassai bout" In the summertime
they playfully romped over the seven seas
in their herring boats seeking adventure
and new lands to conquer. The sight of
a slanting square viking sail was guar
anteed to cause the wicked to hasten to
the confessional for absolution and the
righteous to dig out the old whet-stone
and sharpen up the ancestral sword. From
the fury of the Mortimer deliver us, good
Lord" Even the mighty Charemagne
burst into loud and convulsive sobs at the
sinister sail.
The Vikings; having licked the English,
French, and what is more amazing the
Scotch and Irish; founded Russia and
opened trading routes even unto the
realms of Harun AL Raschid; sailed into
the unknown sea in search of the rain
bows end. They discovered America
and the American Indian. The redman
spat on his palm, gave his tommahawk a
preliminary wipe and with vigorous yells
proceeded to lick the everlasting tar out
of the Vikings.
1t broke their proud hearts and they
moved to Minnesota where the Irish have
been picking on them ever since. In any
"willage" in the Star of the north where
the population consists, say, of seven hun
dred and sixty one Scandinavians and two
Irishmen, the Irish will hold all public
Offices including that of village marshal.
Thus doth virtue triumph in the end.
Scandinavia today is chiefly, noted for its
vigorous gamle oste, superlative herring
and its high brow literature. Its chief
exports are prospective members of the
Farm-Labor Party, lutefsk and sea cap
tains.
The introduction of lutefsk into America
has proven a national calamity. Many
a good Yankee who has bought bale of
dried lutefsk in the belief that it was
bundle Of stove wood has jeopardized
his chances for a mansion in the skies
by his fearful language on the discovery
that even coal oil won't make it burn.
Led by contemptuous but good natured
curiosity, perhaps at the next church
supper given by the ladies' Aid of the
Lutheran Church he uses his ticket. AS
the smoking gelatineous mass is served,
ne makes few joking remarks, prods it.
with his fork to discover that the durn
thing squirms from the tines as a sea squid
from the harpoon. Chop sticks and rice,
spaghetti and other astronomical aero
batic promoters, are mere infants play
compared to sinking the steel into the
heart of hunk of lutefsk and successfully
conveying it into the entrance to the
eosopheagus. Many a strong man has
been led away by sympathetic and sorrow
ing friends to be barred away forever
from. the green fields and blue sky. A
mental wreck. A pitiful travesty of a
man.
But having survived the initiatory rites,
the neophyte becomes confirmed addict
Shamelessly, and publicly he indulges in
his vice as often as church suppers per-
init Finally he falls 50 low as to actually