The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-21
By DOROTHY DIX


 Whenever I hear a woman say, II tell my husband everything" I feel like sending in hurry call for a competent alienist, and having her head operated on for the sillies.
 The woman, herself, thinks that she is showing her perfect devotion to her husband, and what mod l wife she is. In reality. she is regis tering, as they say in the films, utter lack of good, hard, horse sense, and diplomacy, and tact, and knowl- edge of how to handle a man, and generally showing what a goose she is.
 The Queen of the Morons is the wife who blabs everything to hubby.
 The woman who tells husband ev- erything thinks that t-she is making great hit with him. Far from it.. She is merely putting in his hand hammer with which to knock her faults. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred man would never find out that his wife made fool bargains and spent too much money on her clothes, and was bad manager, if she didn't tell him so herself, be- cause he has never been married be- fore, and so has no standard by which he can measure what she does and spends.
 The first inkling he gets that he has been. stung fin the matrimonial bargain is when wife comes .long has talked her into buying The Lives of the Presidents" in forty seven volumes, five dollars down and the balance in installments as long as you live. Or when wife weeps and tells him that she knows xl, .trox o,at hIrxy inc o n Imported hat. Or when wife Iaments that she just can't get her house. work done because she has no sys- tenn.
 It is when a man has it from womans own lips that she's poor, miserable makeshift of wife that he begins to get sorry for himself, and thinks what mistake he made in marrying the one he did. Also he gets busy trying to correct the faults to which she has admitted, and the results are decidedly unpleasant for the lady.
 How every woman manages her husband Is her own trade secret that she should never reveal to anyone, and especially not to her lord and master. But the main provision of it is that she should never tell him anything but the things she wants him to know about herself.
 When she makes pan of biscuits that are better designed for cannon balls than the human stomach, she should slip them into the garbage can. and clamp the lid down on it tight, and say nothing about it. But when her angel food is as light as feather. she does well to discourse long and loudly upon 1t, and call husbands attention to what q grand cook she is
 She should be mum as mouse about her bargains that are not bar gains. but she should never fail to call upon husband to admire her financial sagacity when she buys something cheap. And the result will be that her husband will brag about what wonderful manager and housekceper his wife is
 Every wife has to "selr' herself to her. husband, as the commercial phrase goes, and he believes her to be exactly what she tells him.
 Women who boast that they tell their husbands everything thinksthat they are entertaining their husbands by reciting to them the small chron- ioles of their day. Far from it.
 The req son husbands leave home is because they are bored to tears by having to listen to a neNef-ehuihs nlonologue about the ice man, and the butcher, and the baker. and the candlestick maker, and how high vegetables are. and about Johnny pulling Mamie's hair, and Mamie biting Johnny's nose, and the cook breaking the meat platter, @nd million other little. dull, drab '1or- Tics.
 No man wants to know these things. No woman can recall her husband ever having asked her to sit down and recount every unpleas- ant thing that has happened during the day. Every man has his own troubles, and when he comes home at night he doesn't want his wife to dump hers on him. He wants to be entertained. to be amused to have his mind shifted into pleasant chan nels.
 All that he is concerned with in his wife's work of running the house.