The Glenwood post., 1923-03-08
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The Pink of
: Perfection
By CLARA DELAFIELD
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Prof. Amos Deadman, tall, lean,
| specialized, erudite-also f1fty-had
leaped into universal fame after serv-
| ing thirty years as an unknown recluse
| at Smithheld college. Why?
On account of Amanda Jones.
She was the perfect woman. Amanda
Jones measured-well, never mind
how much, or where. She had been
measured in comparison with the
Venus Of Milo, the Venus Of Medici.
and the Venus-nobody could pro-
nounce that name. She was perfect.
She had no flaws.
Amanda Jones, the perfect woman.
Aged twenty-five. Home, Green Point,
New York. Occupation, college stu
dent, preparing for marriage.
Horace Chaplin had been discovered
little while before. He was the per-
feet man. He measured 95 inches
around the biceps, SO around the tri-
cepts, II feet around either calf, and
had chest expansion Of 9.O674 yards
Nothing like him had been seen before
Wherefore the furore? Because
these young people were going to get
married and become the progenitors
Of eugenist race. They were to be-
come the perfect parents.
Little Miss Deadman, the professors
spinster sister Of thirty-four, she said,
had boosted them into celebrity. Miss
Deadman measured-Miss Deadman
was thin, wiry, and had red, turned
up nose. Miss Deadman wrote eco
pomic and scientific articles for those
magazines that make you shudder
with fear when you see them in the
libraries.
Horace Chaplin and Amanda Jones
were, In a way, and very genteelly, on
exhibition. Not to the vulgar public,
of course. They gave performances In
the Smtihfeld college gymnasium.
Horace could raise ton weight with
either hand, and balance himself on
his front teeth. He could leap five
inches into the air. He ate 27OOO cal
cries day. He and Amanda made
splendid pair. One shudders to think
: what martial scrap would look like
They were engaged. They were te
be endowed with a model cottage
Their food was to be weighed out tc
them by calories every day for the resi-
of their lives. They were to be mar
r ried in the gymnasium at 7 p. M. ir
the presence Of the governor Of the
state.
' They were, of course, in love witt
each other. Such a model couple!
It is true that sometimes Horace
= thought he saw shade Of sadness
mantle the perfectly oval face O.
], Amanda Jones. 1t worried him lit
J, tie. He couldn't press her to hi!
s bosom, or crush her in his arms, be
y sympathetic.
=, Sometimes Amanda Jones wondered
:, what it was that set Horace's apoplec
= tural muscles like iron cords, but sh
was too discreet to ask any questions
The marriage stage. The canopy
Delegations from all the leading eugen
s list societies in the country. The gov
ernor. Roses. Ice cream. A ban'
I tuning up that dear old piece from
= "Lohengrin."
fhhuhuu oohSS, PuiC 10 uCulu, tot
n tered in on Professor Deadman's arm
n Why did the bride look so distressed
Nobody knew. The band had started
and, anyway. they'd soon be tied up.
But where was Horace Chaplin?
Where was Miss Deadman, who wa
n in charge of the proceedings?
e The band, aghast at the brides ap
v pearance before the groom, had wiltet
r away into few discords. There wa
q something electric III the air.
Poor little thingl I'd give him I
piece of my mind. IL was her."
!, The bride was bearing up under tn,
r awful suspense of not knowing wheth
n er the bridegroom was coming or not
/ But she looked ready to faint, ant
q then-good night to the wedding plat
form. Strong man, casting anxiou!
glances at her, ran for pulleys ant
n ropes.
s The awful news was bruited every
f where. Horace Chaplin and Miss Dead
A man had eloped. They had been mar
:, rled that afternoon by special license
and We're now on their wedding jour
y ney to Niagara Falls.
Amanda Jones leaned heavil.
: against Professor Deadman, VIII,
J. leaned heavily against an iron post
+ He mopped his brow.
- Poor thing! Look, she's falling =
Silently. like tall lily, the bride
swnyed into Professor Dendman'.
arms Professor Deadman braced him
self against the stanchion to sustain
the burden.
The bride turned her ripe red lip.
$ up to the professors. Silently they
n kissed.
|. Nature evens up.