davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

staff man tno names mentioned) who
has begun to call his wife "Wooden
shoe," because she's allus askin': !:
"Wooden Shoe buy me" this or that .
Jesse Warren, nothin' more to do,
Sat chawin' Of terbacky;
Nearby a COW was chawin' too
Though not cut plug, by cracky!)
Jesse'd chaw three times an squirt a
lake,
Still loolxin' at the COW,
And muttered, "Bossie takes the
cake.
I wish that I knew how"
The COW chawed on as, puzzled, Jess
Concluded, brows a knittin',
"How can she chaw all day an still
Not once do any spittin'?"
JOE FROHMILLER.
John asked Mary
To take walk
With him
To pick flowers.
Mary's
Little sister
Came along,
And so they
Picked flowers.
-NEVVY SMITH.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

"If you meet someone whom you
feel you have known for thousands
of years, marry her and then you'll
be sure of it," writes a friend who
requests that his name be withheld.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

"You amt fit to be motherr' she
exclaimed. 'You aih't hardly fit to
be father!'
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Rise with us, everybody, and let's
sing that favorite old song: "f Wo-
man Doesn't Get the Man She Wants,
God Held the Man She Gets"
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Give heard some awful fixes to be
in, writes Ben Dohey, "but the worst
/ can imagine is when a man finds
another MANS hair on his rolling
pin"
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Carter Joy wants to know why So
ciety editors always speak about the
bside being led to the altar. "Who
ever saw bride pulling back 2" he
wants to know.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

See where women in Phoenix nam
ed Dinah married a man named Nose.
Suppose the kid'll be named Electric
ity.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Good idea thought up by a Flag
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

While Sheriff Bill Campbell and his
family were driving back from Cali
fornia a few weeks ago, Bill says,
he hit bad place in the road SO
hard that two of the family hurt their
faces pretty much against one of the
top braces. Bill heard clinking
noice and thought sure he'd busted a
spring. But when he looked he found
the springs We're all right. Finally he
found that when he hit the bump he'd.
busted a dollar bill in his pocket into
four quarters and that was the noise
he heard.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26
CHEERFUL CHIRPS
(By "DEL.')

Mostly those when idea
along and is grabbed off.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Carl Mayhem says the second mean
est man he ever knew insisted on
having a profile picture so he would
have to have only one side of his face
shaved, and Frank Leslie says the
same man wanted to get shaved with
out lather so he wouldn't have to pay.
so much.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

give noticed it always gives a man
a happy feeling" says Billy Bayless,
when he needs a shave and runs
across some other feller who needs
one Just as bad as he does"
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

"How long since you read the BIZ
ble?n one of our saints asked hard
ened old Flagstaff sinner the other
day.
"Hain't never read it a-tall How
long is that?" the sinner replied.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

In some of the rural communities
in Arkansas, some Of the baclz-woods
communities, you know, says Tom Pull
liam, they always have corn cake
and 'lasses for breakfast. The lady
of the house walks around with the
1asses jug and asks each in turn:
want dab or trichle ?" IF you
say "dab" then she runs her fingers.
around inside the neck Of the jug and
slaps a lot of lasses on your cakes.
If you say "trickle," she dips her fin
gers into the jug and lets the lasses
trickle off onto your cakes.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Of course it was all meant jok-
ingly:
A Flagstaff man asked his wife a
week ago last Sunday afternoon:
"What was all that eackling over
on Aspen avenue little while ago ?n
"Oh," she said, "the Woman's club
ladies were LAYING a cornerstone"
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Woo Chung asked Senator Fred
Breen last week:
"You go that place plitty soon"
"What place? 2"
"That place-Phloenix."
"WelI, what you want to know
for?"
"When you 90 there, make law get
me plenty whiskey."
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Jimmie Mitchell says the saddest
death he ever heard of was that of
poor man who hurt his back and they
bathed it with alcohol and he broke
his neck trying to lick the alcohol off
his back.
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Chet Black said the other day that
when he was in the hospital in Los
Angeles a couple of years ago con-
valescing from an operation he got so
hungry he almost ate the pillow. He
was told to be patient and that next
day he would be given something to
eat. Next day the nurse brought him
a tablespoonful of tapioca. Chet ate
it and then said:
Il want to read while; please
bring me a postage stamp"
The Coconino sun., 1923-10-26

Last time Tom Wagner, big up and
down and also around, was down in
Phoenix he stepped into a bakery in
the outskirts of town and asked a
pert young woman behind the coun-
ter if they served meals there "Yep,"
she said, looking him over, "but we
don't fill silos"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
SAWYER NOT PERRYVILLE
MANAGER, SAYS HINES

Management of the veterans
bureau community at Perryville,
Md, is not in the hands of Brig.
Gen. Charles E. Sawyer, chairman
of the Federal Board of Hospitaliza-
ton, Director Frank T. Hines of
the bureau, declared yesterday
Perryville officials are of the
opinion that General Sawyer has
succeeded Col. E. A. Shepherd in
charge of the community, because
of the formers apparently sane
toned acts in calling Colonel Shep.
herd back to Washington and in
presiding over the Tuesday meeting
of the community board of control
According to Director Hines, Gen
eral Sawyer, on his recent visit to
Perryville, went to Perryville as
personal representative of the
bureau chief, to assist in working
out a plan for a model reha bilita-
ton center there.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
$3.50 OFF
IMPERIAL 8
Rem
District Commission Fixes
Value of Apartment Prop
erty at $25O,oOO.

Rents in the Imperial apartment
house, 1869 Columbia road north
west, were fixed by the District rent
commission today, the decision re-
ducing the annual revenue by $3.50
from last years figures.
The charges for the thirty-five
apartments affected by the determi-
nation We're so adjusted as to yield
a gross return OF $4,000, as against
$39,780 for 1922.
The Imperial is the first large
apartment house case to be decided
by the new commission. In addi-
ton to the hearing given the I'm
perial, on the rent boards own ini-
tiative, complaints of three tenants
who filed individual suits were
heard.
The commission set a value of
$25O,00O on the property, with
maintenance allowance of $4,000
yearly. An s per cent rate of re-
turn was authorized.
Many of the rents were reduced as
much as $25 a month, while others
were increased. Wide differences
in the rentals of Identical apart
ments were thus modified.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
PROPERTY OWNERS SUE
TO STOP USE OF STABLE

The District Commissioners, Build
ing Inspector Healy and Henry n.
Brawner, jr.. owner of the Chestnut
Farms Dairy, were named defen-
dants in suit filed in the District
Supreme Court today by more than
fifty property owners in the vicinity
of 22nd and o streets northwest, to
enjo.n the use of building on the
north side of O street, near the
corner of Twenty-second street, for
the stabling of horses used in the
dairy business.
Petitioners declare that the use of
said building for stabling the horses
of the Chestnut Farms Dairy dis in
violation of the building regulations
and Of the police regulations and
constitutes a nuisance, depriving the
petitioners of the use of their proper
ty without due process of law.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
CITY P. D. CALLS
FOR BIDS ON
UNIFORMS
New Outfits for Carriers, Mes
sengers and Chauffeurs to
Be Ordered.

Requests for bids on the winter
uniforms for Washington postal
workers were today sent out by
Postmaster William NJ. Mooney.
There will be a change in the
uniforms for the special delivery
carriers during the coming season,
according to the specifications. In.
stead of the corduroy uniform used
in the past uniform of khaki army
cloth, either in the khaki or olive
drab shade, is to be adopted.
The bids will cover $50 gray letter
carrier uniforms, eighty of the new
special delivery uniforms, twenty
five corduroy chauffeurs' uniforms
and twenty-five corduroy chauffeur
carriers uniforms.
Bids are to be opened September
IA and the uniforms ARE to be de-
hVered December l. The bids Will
be opened by special committee Of
eleven members, consisting of two
supervisors to be appointed by the
postmaster and nine letter carriers
elected by all the carriers. These
eleven men will elect their chair
man.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
F.E. LEWIS BUYS
5000 WORTH
Of TICKETS
Gives Baseball Game of Police
and Firemen Substantial
Support.

"A check for $500 for the pur-
chase of tickets for the police and
firemen's game on Labor Day, Sep
TENDER g., at the American League
Park, was forwarded to Commission
er James F. Oyster today by r. e.
Lewis, of 1923 Rhode Island avenue
northwest.
Recently Mr.. Lewis home was
robbed of $40. 900 in jewels and cash.
The robbery was cleared up in a
few days when detectives arrested
a colored man, formerly Mr.. Lewis
butler, in New York city. All but
$500 in cash was recovered.
Lewis asked that the detective bu-
reau be credited with the sale of 800
tickets. He commended Detectives
Thomas Sweeney, Ira Keck and Paul
Jones, Of headquarters, and In
spector Clifford L. Grant, chief Of
detectives, for their work in clear
ing up the robbery.
az also want to congratulate you
on the efficient organization which
you maintain" Lewis told Commits
sioner Oyster in a letter.
Commissioner Oyster said today
that he hoped the contribution Of
Lewis would be signal for others 70
make large contributions to the
police and firemen's fund
Tickets are not selling as fast as
we expected, and hope the last few
days Of the sale will see a generous
response to our appeal to the people
Of Washington TO aid the relief fund
by buying tickets to the game" the
Commissioner said.
To date $16,772 worth of tickets
have been sold, $10.326 by the police
and $6,426 by the firemen.
Charles A. Evans, acting major
and superintendent of police. today
sent out a circular letter to every
member of the police department
explaining the object Of the Police
Relief Association, for which the
Labor Day game is being held. He
says that it has been organized al
most fifty-four years, has always
paid it's obligations and has no paid
officers.
Because many men fail during the
period of their service to accumulate
a sufficient sum to insure their loved
ones against embarrassment and
want in the event of DEATH" says
Inspector Evans circular letter,
without such an organization as the
Metropolitan Police Relief Associa.
ton, 1t would be necessary on the
occasion of many deaths of police
men for their brother members of
the force to make individual contri-
buttons to save the loved ones of
some brother officer from actual
want and restitution"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
YOUTH is FINED $40 FOR
ASSAULTiNG PROPRIETOR

On two charges of assault and
one Of destroying private property,
Philip Johnson, colored, aged
tWenty-one, was arraigned before
Judge Schuidt in Police Court to-
day. He was fined $40 on each Of
the two assault charges and his
bond taken allowing him to make
good the loss.
He is alleged to have entered a
store in Georgetown and asked for
credit. Already being in debt TO
the establishment, 1t was refused
and ne threw a pop bottle at the
proprietor and afterward struck his
daughter. He Is said to have
broken the scales, a window, and
three cases of pop.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
C0OLIDGES
INSPECT
HOME
President and Wife Highly
PIeaseod by Model Cot
tage's Comforts.

President and Mrs. Coolidge
went "homeseeking" today. Short
~ after $3.50 the President left
his offices and, accompanied by
Mrs. Coolidge, walked down to
inspect the "Model Home" erected
just south of the White House
by the Better Homes in America
committee. e
COnmends Musical Plan.
The house, built and furnished
by leading contractors and manu-.
facturers of the country. contains
seven rooms and two baths. Every
modern convenience and innovation
il included.
The Chief Executive and the
First Lady evinced keen interest
in the model home.
The President particularly studied
the ventilation system employed in
all rooms, and he displayed an in.
innate knowledge of household af.
fairs. when he reached the kitchen.
The icebox, he noticed. was not
built-tn so as to permit filling
from the outside. He was informed
by Mrs. William B. Meloney, presi-
dent of the Better Homes Move
ment, that the icebox was merely
temporary, however, and was
shown where it would ultimately
be placed.
President Coolidge likewise ex-
pressed pleasure that music was
twice represented" in the house.
there being a piano and a graphic
phone in the living room. He COM
mended the reading matter in the
book cases, which included selections
from the worlds best authors and
complete set of reference books.
Studies Kitchen Utilities.
Mrs. Coolidge, meanwhile, studied
the modern appliances in the kitchen,
including the latest cooking utensils
and labor-saving devices.
The model home was constructed
in slightly less than five weeks at
a cost of $10,800, from plans drawn
by Don Barber. architect, who con-
structed the Yale Bowl. It is of
permanent structure, but was so
built that it can be raised and moved
bodily to another site. The office Of
Public Buildings and Grounds now
has under consideration the selection
of this permanent site.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
POLICE SEARCH RESIDENCE
IN VAIN FOR BURGLARS

While headquarters detectives and
policemen delved into every nook
and Granny at the home of Prof
Thomas Cajigas. of George Wash
ington University Medical School.
1884 Sixteenth street northwest, a
score Of automobilists who had seen
the big headquarters car speed up
Sixteenth street, surrounded the
house to witness the capture of
supposed burglar.
Valnly the police became con-
vlnced that II there was any burg
lar there he was thinner than air
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
Coolidge Gets First
Pay Check Sept. !
For 70 Days

President Coolidge will get
his first pay check as President
on September 1.
"A Treasury warrant for
$3.50 will be given the Presi-
dent on that day. It win repre-
sent Mr.. Coolidge's salary for
twenty-nine days, at the rate Of
$205.49 a day.
The President took the oath
of office August 8, few hours
after Warren G. Harding's
death.
Mr.. Coolidge also will receive
a check for $65.74, representing
two days salary as Vice Presi-
dent.
The late President Harding's
last salary check will be for
$41O.98, representing payment
for two days. It will be pre-
scented to Mrs. Harding.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
GOVERNOR
Of OHIO
GOAL
Chief OF Dry Forces Now III at
Home-Has Had Stormy
Career in Office.

Federal Prohibition Commits
missioner Roy A. Haynes may re-
sign when he returns to Washing
ton, according to reports in Off
cial circles today.
The dry chief is at his home in
Hillsboro, Ohio, recuperating
from serious illness.
Desires GOvernorship.
Mr.. Haynes has told friends, it
was learned. that he desires 20 run
for governor Of Ohio on the Repub-
lican ticket.
Commissioner Haynes was a
home-State appointee Of the late
President Harding, and has held the
present position for the past two
years. So far as is known, he has
not spoken to President Coolidge
about remaining in office during the
new administration, but all signs
point to a great shake-up in the
heading the list.
The dry chiefs two years in
office have been stormy, to say the
least. He was constantly at odds
with Internal Revenue COMMITS
sioner Blair and with other Treas
ury officials. 1t was his custom to
take these disputes to the White
House for final decision.
Disagrees With Blair.
1t is understood that the dry chief
and Commissioner Blair had a heated
conference when it became known
that the former had sold his official
memoirs for serial publication while
still in office. This action was re-
garded as a serious breach of
etiquette, and did not help to bridge
the widening breach between Haynes
and his superiors.
At prohibition headquarters, no
word has been received from Hills
boro which would indicate that the
commissioner has any intention Of
rendering his resignation. The
time for this action, however, will
soon be at hand, and political fore
casters, gazing into their magic
crystals, say they see new face
at Mr.. Haynes desk.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
WHAT FOLKS WANT.

There are many who write verse,
Some quite good and others worse,
But there are few who get in On Eno
dough;
And. the few who really win
And handle any tin.
Are those who make you laugh-namst
10 sO3
Folks win feed MP on the chaff
just to get q hearty laugh;
They pass up something good Ond only
scOwl,
While y line full Of mirth
They consider one Of worth,
And pay the price and greet tt with .
howl.
Now, I'D like to write good sense,
But I know that when / commence
There's no market for the junk at any
price;
So 4 write such lines - these,
Feeling sure they're going to please
In fact. I'm sure sOmeOn~1. will call
them nice.
THE UNKNOWN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
Mohawk Club Outing.

The Mohawk Prep Athletic Club
will have its excursion aboard the
steamer st. Johns on a forty-mile
moonlight ride down the Potomac
and back tomorrow evening. M. A.
Durrity is chairman of the commit
tee in charge and has planned q
number of entertaining features.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
SCHOOL OF ACCOUNTING
ALUMNI GOING ON OUTING

The Washington School Of Ac-
countancy alumni's forty-mile MOON
light excursion on the steamer st
Johns will be held tomorrow eve-
ming The steamer will leave the
Seventh street wharf at 7:15, and
tickets can be procured ut the
Y. M. c. A. office or the wharf.
Miss Nettie M. Tolson IS chair
man Of the committee in charge.
Members are E. j. Stegman and
Loring Mills. An elaborate program
has been planned.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
SHORT
Of HARD
COAL
Due to Weather, Shopping
Shows That Dealers Bins
Are Nearly Empty.

Washington home owners with
empty fuel bins who went coal
shopping today, through the urge
Of unreasonable August chilly
blasts, were startled to learn that
the present supply Of favorite
grades Of anthracite is alarmingly
small.
A canvass of the leading coal
dealers in the city today reveals
the same storyfirst come, first
served con what we have, and
no definite idea when more ship
ments will arrive"
Dark Picture Painted.
One of the leading wholesalers who
keeps his mind on the pulse Of the
coal industry frankly painted dark
picture when interviewed.
There is no certainty when Wash
ington coal dealers viii get fresh
shipments. Some of them expect
them in two or three weeks, but IL
the coal miners walk out after Sep
TENDER /, two or three months win b.
much more accurate.
While / am hesitant to be pessi-
nistic, I am compelled to admit that
at present it looks as if we are in
for it,
Dealers Supplies Vary.
The John p. Agnew Company.
more fortunately supplied at present
than many of the dealers inter-
viewed. said this morning they had
fair supply Of egg, chestnut and pea
coal at from SIS to $3.50 the ton
and delivery could be made Tuesday.
The Allegheny Company, a
branch of the w w Griffith Com
pany, admitted that all they had
was broken furnace In the anthra-
cite line, and that delivery could
be made on this at once at $3.50.
It was said that more coal was ex-
pected in two or three weeks.
j. Maury Dove Company, said
they were offering chestnut and
Virginia stove at $15.25. and $14.50
respectively and that delivery on
this could be made Immediately but
IAOS A1O tuGd WuGlk
more shipments would be obtained
The Blick Brothers said they
could supply egg coal at SIS and
chestnut at $3.50 at once hut no
early shipments We're in prospect
At the offices of the Consumers
Company, it was said that pea coal
was all they had on hand in an
thracite and this Is quoted at
$3.50 the ton. Fresh shipments.
it was said, are expected any time.
Bought Up BY Consumers.
Walter c. Allen, executive secre
tary of the Public Utilities Commits,
sion. who directed the work of the
District Coal Commission last year.
said today that he did not believe
there was much hard coal on hand
in Washington.
while / haven't been in close
touchwith the coal situation this
summer, I do not believe that coal
dealers have much anthracite coal
on hand" he said. CAS- fast as
the coal came in this summer, con-
sumers bought it up.
What hard coal is in Washing
ton will be found. no doubt, in the
bins of householders. If a strike
is declared September 1 and mir
ing stops. there will be very 1ittl>
coal coming here this winter"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
SIX SPECIAL p. o. CLERKS
RECEIVE SALARY BOOSTS

@Gomotion of sig special clerks
~< the Washington postoffice- was
made today by Postmaster William
NJ. Mooney.
These six employees. who rank be-
tween the grade of clerk and that
of supervisor. received salary in
creases Of 500 a year in each
case. The promotions, as those of
the supervisors and assistant super
intendents announced yesterday, are
the result of increased revenues al
the city postoffice during the past
fiscal year.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
A DAY OF P1TCHFORK POLITICS.

This is the era OF pitchfork poll
tics Gone are the baby kissing can0li-
dates. the handshakers, the back
slappers and. hope. the cigar distrib-
utors. Candidates adopt the popular
pitchfork pose. They assume a hay
pitching attitude. They are attired in
overaIls, bandana handkerchiefs and
straw hat. Any farmer can show
the candidate the correct attitude
and dress. Photographers march by
in columns swapping the hero.
PAUL WHITE
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-08-23
MYSTERY BLAZE
ROUTSPEOPLE
FROM HOMES
Originates in Georgetown Fruit
Store and Does Damage
Amounting to 5000.

Residents Of Georgetown living
near Thirty,second and P streets
northwest were aroused from their
beds early this morning when a
fire, of unknown origin, burned
out the frame building at 3215 P
street, spread to 1918 p street,
and was checked only by the
quick action Of the firemen in
spraying adjacent houses.
Flames Light Neighborhood.
Flames shooting many feet into
the air from the building at 3215,
which was occupied by David M.
Boweredey as fruit store, attract
ed hundreds from their beds. The
neighborhood was we'll Illuminated
by flames when the firemcn rc-
sponded to the alarm.
James p. Jenkins, his wife and
their son living at 1918 p street
were awakened by firemen when
the flames spread to their home.
They dressed quickly and left the
place. Gaining foothold under
the caves of the house the flames
spread rapidly where the firemen
could not reach them. Chopping
hole in the roof they soon stopped
this menace and their attention
was turned to fighting the fruit
store fire.
Under Control at 2:3O a. m.
Shortly after 2:30 o'clock this
morning the fire was declared under
control and soon after that firemen
had started their investigation to
determine it's origin. They were
unable to reach any conclusion in
this respect.
Damage to Mr.. Boweredey's store
was estimated at $4,000 while an
estimate Of $500 was placed on the
damage to the home of Mr.. Jenkins.
The building at 3215 is owned by
George David and is insured.