davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Henry Ford Is the richest man
in the world, and IL must be re-
membered he pulled a lot Of
garage repair men into the select
class with him in his clean sweep.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26
The World
We Live In
By DAVE SENTNER.

BY DAVE SENTNER.
~ ERMANY would like to
- make a Dutch uncle out
~ Of Uncle Sam.
IT'S an old-fashioned clothes
line that wears a petticoat.
Extravagance is when a high
wayman holds a gun In each
hand.
The building situation would be
overcome. If these bricklaying
schools for white collar men
would practice on some vacant
lots.
A knife and fork are brothers
under the skin.
we make UP for these foreign
lectures by giving it to the lmmi-
grants.
This Ku Klux Khan business
probably got it's start from put
ting extra sheets on the bed.
We feel we are illiterate since
we learned there are 1857 cuss
words In the English language.
5s",sY $50 t-
You might smugsle a bath into
Russia.
The hand that pulls the apron
string rules the purse string.
A glimpse into a lingerie win
dow will prove that pajamas
don't make a man.
Gentle spring is so named be-
cause Congress Is out OF season.
Bill Knobs, the steady theater-
goer, says when a woman un-
wraps a box of candy in the thea
ter she needs q can opener.
Give a man a rope and he'll
smoke himself to death.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On January 8, 1850. a New York
taxi driver picked up a fare and
forgot to start the meter working.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Give a man rope and nell
smoke himself to death.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

A Maryland Judge has ruled
that flask on the hip cannot be
confiscated without q warrant.
And a thirst, we presume, 10
warrant sufficient for its con-
fiscation.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On June 81, 1922, It was 20 hot
in a Baltimore church that the
minister asked the members Of
the congregation IL they didn't
want to take Of their coats.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Gentle spring is so named be-
cause Congress Is out OF season.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26
PHIL OssIFY SAYS:

PHIL USSIFY SAYS:
A good nickel cigar is 81 the
way back, says a newspaper
headline. Yes, on the way back
into the dealers showcase. where
the price is plainly marked fif-
teen cents.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Sir Isaac Newton falls off his
bicycle, 1885, discovering the law
of gravity.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

A glimpse into a lingerie win
dow will prove that pajamas
don't make q man.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Nero's mother gives away his
fAvorite pipe, 80 A. D. She is
put to death by his order.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On February 30, 1923, Roches-
ter girl broke her engagement
because her fiance refused to
take her kid sister to the movies.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26
Have Smile
| With Us
By Nat N. Dorfman.

~ ONE people strive all their
- lives to get into opera,
~ while others have to strive
all their lives for an acceptable
excuse Of their hosts to stay away
from 1t.
Ie&k
Chickens always come home to
roost-after the cabarets close
up.
The sun is four per cent cooler
this year than last, but leave Il
to the coal barons to keep up
with it.
Tired of being gypped in this
country, a lot of American tour
lists are going to give Europeans
a chance at the graft this sum-
mer.
It seems that the fashionable
thing nowadays il always some
thing that is either too costly
or too daring for the general
mass Of people.
A cake eater Is q hound who
always carries something on the
hip but its the pocketbook OF the
flapper with which to pay for the
cake
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

The hand that pulls the apron
string rules the purse string.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Baker-You didn't seem sympa.
thetic when I told you my wife
lost our motor car.
Barker-Losing a car is moth.
ing. Ny wife is always losing
trains.
Styles can't change much this
year"
Il don't see why"
Because bobbed hair grows too
slowly"
"Ah, WELL" sighed the geometry
instructor. II had hoped you
cared for me. Such was my n.y.
pothesis."
Il like you, professor" said the
girl, but I can't marry you.
I'll be an hypothesister to YOU"
do you get many recorders in
your business?"
NO" replied the old bootlagSer.
"If any Of my customers come
back it's only to haunt me-"
A comedy is funny story; n
tragedy is a funny story told
twice TO the same man.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Augustus corrects the calendar,
8 B. c.. but fails to put any more
pay days on it.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On August Z, 1909, q Washing.
ton woman drove her automobile
up to the curb without acraping
the tires.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On January II. 1871, a Chicago
man made a dress for the baby
on the sewing machine So that
lis wife could go to the movies.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

z You might smugsle bath into
Russia.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

We feel we are illiterate since
we learned there are 1857 cuss
words in the English language.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26
BELIEVE TT?
By Les Conklin.

On April 81, 1923, a Boston girl
declined an invitation to a dance
because she was tired out from
playing tennis.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Solomon employs three secre-
taries to help him keep the fam.
lily album up to date, 9S6 B. G.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

This Ku Klux Khan business
probably got it's start from put
ting extra sheets on the bed.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

On February 20, 1923, a Detroit
boy did his housework before 60
ing to the baseball game.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

We make up for these foreign
lectures by giving it to the lmni-
grants.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Game Of Backgammon invented,
1924 b. C. Seventeen Greeks ar
rested for gambling.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

The building situation would be
overcome. If these bricklaying
schools for white collar men
would practice on some vacant
lots.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

IT'S an old-fashioned clothes
line that wears a petticoat.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Extravaganza is when a high
wayman holds a gun In each
hand.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

A knife and fork are brothers
under the skin.
The Washington times., 1923-05-26

Il like you, professor" said the
girl. but / can't marry you.
I'll be an hypothesister to YOU"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
v
Arrows Of the River Gods.

The Rev. Caleb Hopkins was AT the
boat landing in good time next morn
ing.
The Others were already there, sit
ting In the long skiff, Uncle Nick in
the stern, Jack Warhope and Al Coun-
terman at the oars, the latter still
holding the boat to the wharf.
In his nervous and mincing way the
preacher scrambled in; Counterman
showed of the oars dropped into the
wafer; and, with the seine COiled up
ON the stern locker under the expert
enced care OF Uncle Nick, the live box
towing behind, the skiff slipped away
up the river toward Alpine island.
Alpine island divides the Wabash
into two nearly equal channels. The
SKIN was guided into the north chan
mel, and had glanced along nearly ia.
the head of the island when Counter
man rested his oars with the remark
that just there would be a good place
to make the first haul.
The skiff was accordingly turned in
to the island, and the prov drawn I'D
on the sandy margin. Each man.
Uncle Nick excepted, hurriedly un.
dressed, stacked his clothes In the
boat and drew on his rough fishing
garments.
In strict justice TO the truth II must
be stated that only Counterman and
the woodsman hurriedly undressed.
The preacher was far slower and
quite noticeably embarrassed over the
unusual experience. The ragged boots
too large, the shabby trousers too
tight. the faded straw hat ridiculously
unbecoming, II was the queerest wad.
Ing rig ever seen along the Wabash.
The others eyed II askance and
winked around at one another. Even
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
"Mr." Was Once "Masterv

Master was originally used as 6
title, but only in speaking Of a man
Of high social rank or learning. II
gradually was extended in application
but has been superseded by Mr."
The obscured pronunciation doubt.
less began while the written form
Master was still commonly EN-.
ployed. Before the end of the Seven.
teenth century the Authorization MR.
Originally only one among many 9th.
ers used for the word In all applica.
tiOns) had come TO be restricted to the
use in which the pronunciation was oh.
scured, and to be the only permitted
mode Of writing the word in that use
Thenceforward Master and Mr.
were practically two words.-Detroit
News.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
Electric Rain Alarm.

Falling rain is likely at any time to
drive Into 3 room and damage the floor.
wallpaper and furnishings. One man.
ufacturer has devised an electric rain
alarm which will give warning as rain
In any quantity falls into a room. The
device consists of a box and a battery,
a buzzer. a small electric light and a
switchboard arrangement that holds
what the maker calls a 'raino-dlsc."
The box Is put on the window sill at
night when the window is left open for
ventilnting purposes. The falling rain
drops on the disc, switches on the cur.
cent and throws both light and buzzer
into circuit. The buzzer awakens the
sleeper and the light shows which win.
dow needs attention.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27

the preacher himself must have
caught something Of the humor OF the
odd makeup, for his s~tudiously cir
cumspect face relaxed into a sugges-
ton Of a grin.
After a mild bit OF urging. a prodi-
gious deal Of coaching. he was left
near shore TO hold the brazil stick while
Jack and Counterman rowed out
around as great an expanse Of water
as the length OF the seine permitted.
On nearing the shore at the compile
ton Of the circuit. the two rowers
leaped into the water the moment II
was shallow enough. leaving the boat
to Uncle Nick. and raced for the bank
at top speed. holding the brazil stick to
the bottom as they ran.
With the frantic river tribes thus
forced to shore. the water began to be
wildly agitated. Long ripplfs shot
from side to side Of the rapidly dimin-
ishing space Enclosed by the net. as
some panic-sfricken swimmer plowed
his reckless way neal the surface.
Even the preachers tired and studi-
GUS eyes walked with the excitement,
and he rugged eagerly al the brazil MS
the bass and pickerel began to leap.
glltsering In the morning sen like sill
YER arrows shot up by the river gods
.Thar, boys, haul 'er easy. directed
Counterman. "We got EN-. They
cayn't git away now. Man! hain't
ther ! wad Nv 'em! I know'd this wus
4 good hole" <
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27

D6EveNn8
Fairy Tale
"FLARY GRAHAM BONNER
THE CHRISTMAS TREAT

Twelve little children from the hos
pital had been taken for a Christmas
treat" said Daddy, land | am going
to tell you just what they saw. They
were taken to the city shops.
"Of course they saw any number OF
dolls and trains and toys and books
and they went into all the big shops
and also looked in all the windows.
"In one store there was a great big
m~ake-believe lion and by him was an
enormous make-believe liOness and
they had long names and heads that
moved up and down and from side to
side.
The children put their hands in the
lions mouth and in the mouth of the
l~ioness, and of course nothing hap
pened because the lion and lioness
were not real though they looked so
life-like.
I'm one window there was a great
scene. There were double tracks and
along n went a local train and along
the other an express train.
There were tunnels and bridges
and most gorgeous signals which
lighted up. And there were houses
and garages standing about and trees
and poles with make-believe telegraph
wires. And there was a junction where
the train stepped.
1t al just exactly like q make
believe tOwn-in fact 1t looked like
q real town.
Every once in a while a toy air
plane came down over the town and a
make-believe monkey landed on the
ground
Every one crowded around this
window, men and women, boys and
girls.
Then the children saw toy ponds
in which were goldfish, and even in a
little pond of water which had been
put in the toy village to look like a
lake were goldfish swimming about.
They went TO look at themselves
In a mirror where as they looked one
way it appeared as though they were
short and fat and when they looked
another way it made them appear to
have great enormously long faces and
little bodies.
Such laughter as there was about
these mirrors!
Then they went into n store
where Santa Claus took them and
showed them all the toys and gave
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
What Fun Il Was.

them each a letter from lis pack and
a little cardboard toy for each one
and a gay picture Of himself.
And what fun ii was, as you can
Imagine, to have such a treat as this.
They saw toy villages where there
were little street lights and houses
with most superior hedges and gar
den plots and in the houses the rooms
could be seen and the stairways.
"rhen they took a ride with Santa
Claus in a beautiful kind Of merry-go-
round which he had.
at played tunes and the seats in II
were made to look like different kinds
Of animals, and in the cente was a
great pole which looked as though 1t
were covered with ice and snow and
which was supposed to be the North
Pole!
Then Santa Claus told them all to
wave a good-by as they went for their
ride and the other children who
waited in line for the hex ride when
II would be their turn jumped up and
down with glee at the thought of their
turn coming next.
'"They sang with Santa Claus and he
called some of them, dear and some
Of them sweetheart and all sorts of
pet names.
"Oh, 1t was nice to be called a pet
name by none other than good old
Santa Claus.
They saw toys of every kind, toy
butcher shops with make-believe
pieces of meat hanging up.
> They saw all kinds of mechanical
toys and even saw electric lights In
one of the houses for dolls.
But they thought they would rather
own a somewhat cosier kind OF 6 dolls
house.
"Oh, II was a beautiful afternoon
with 20 much TO see and do. And
they all had some candy later and
then they rode home. singing as they
went.
And they saw a rooster weather
vane on one Of the buildings all so
splcndidly lighted and they saw the
moon.
The children called 4 whole moon
and the moon biinked and grinned
and said to himself:
well, I am glad to have come out
In time to see these children and their
Christmas treat-even II it's only the
very eL,l of II that ! see.'
"And the getting well took so muci,
shorter a time 1t seemed because Of
the many thoughts and memories the
treat left with them"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
The Red Lock
By DAVID ANDERSON
Author of THE Blue Moon"
Copyright by he BotsNnrnc Co.
Author of 1.-THE Blue Moon"

like hot copper AS he wrung his hand.
He cursed the pain swallowed hard /;
finally muttered.
THE light werdn't none too dern'
good. | low ! must "a"
The wOodsman dropped the others
collar, talked a moment or so with
Uncle Nick and Counterman about the
SEEMING trip next day-the matter that
had brought him into the store-and
passed GU at the door. The crowd
gathered around Belden.
Uncle Nick picked up the broken
pistol and stuck il back. muttering as
he examined the gashed hand.
"Yu ort "a had more sense than t
pull on him. He amt no ways spry
on talk. but he al pick hlck'ry nuts
with a ~six-gun."
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
"MISTooK"

SYNOPSIS.-On the banks OF
the Wabash stand Texie Colin
and Jack Warhope. young and
very much in love. Texie is the
only daughter of old Pap Simon,
rich man and money-lender. Jack
Ii the orphan bound boy Of Pap
Simon who had foreciosed a
mortgage on the WarhOpe state
At first Texie and Jack talk sadly
Of Ken Colin, the girls missing
brother. Then Jack says that in
&. ten days his seryitude will be
over, that he will ride out into
the big world TO seek his fortupe.
Both know what that viii mean
to them. Texie and Jack talk OF
the red lock Of Red Colin" in
herited by Ken. And Jack says
he's coming back as soon as he
finds gold in California. Then
arrives the new preacher, Rev.
Caleb Hopkins. Pap Simon intro
duces the villagers to the new
preacher, who was a college mate
OF Ken. ~ supper at the Colin
home the preacher tells how the
boy killed a gambler and disap-
peared. His father attributes
ken's fall from grace TO his red
lock of hair. Then Pap Simon
has a sort of stroke, brought on
by reading a letter from Ken,
somewhere In New York." who
curses his father on his death
bed. A postscript by another
hand says he Is dead. AZ the viii
lage store and post Office Loge
Belden. a newcomer says he saw
the new parson with his arm
around Texie. Jack llcks him,
shoots a pistol from his hand and
makes him say he was mistaken.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
OLD TRADING MART
OF LONDON STILL OPEN
Business Continues to Function
Alter thousand Years.

Every morning at five o'clock sharp
the ringing of a bell awakens the old
est market in London, where for over
d thousand years buying and selling
have taken place.
Since three O'Clock railway freight
cars have been gathering outside
Billingsgate market till by the time
five o'clock comes there is scarcely a
part of the road which is not occupied.
They have brought fish and will wait
to take fish away.
Unlicensed pOrters, with their
hang about by the dozen. They are
not allowed inside the market-the
market having its own porterS-but
wait outside for odd jobs.
A steady stream of men begins to
surge into the market. Among the
first corners are the Jews. They buy
only the best fish and do not mind pay
ing for it. Soon the building fills rap
idly and before long every inch of the
floor is doing service, and still there
are uloIe buyers 10 COlle.
Your small dealer with his tishbag
rubs shoulders with well-to-do shop,
keepers and buyers for hotels, restau.
rants and other large concerns. Por-
ters, balancing piles of boxes on their
quaint Ieathern hats, dart by you every
second.
Here and there a u moves serene
ly among the thrOng and you notice
that a path always opens up before
her. They are never refused fish, for
the BillingSgate tishmonger is ever
generous you will go a long way to
find a more gOOd-hearted fellow.
The piled-up stands glisten ~silvery
in the glare of the arc-Iamps. There
are bake. cod, skate. haddOcks, sOles,
behring's, to say nothing of the cray
fish and bags of shrimps. In fact
nearly ever fish is here in its season.
You notice, too, that there are many
boxes af Danish fish. Owing to the
fact that the Danes, unlike the British
do not gut their fish, the foreign prod.
uce reaches the market in every fine
conditiOn-Often alive and cOnSe.
quently has a rapid sale. No fish,
however, that is not absolutely fresh
is allowed to leave the market. 1t is
Immediately condemned by the food
inspector.
On the river side of the market
there is a continuous flow of porters
fn and from fhn R1h hnnt, Tlo.c
boats bring supplies straight from the
fishing fleet In the North sea to the
doors of the market.
AT this entrance are six sloping plat.
forms, called forms" At the head of
each form is a salesman, around
whom gathers an eager crowd of buy.
ers. AS the porters bring in the boxes
OF fish they are placed on the form,
bought, and slid down to a beaver.
up" who shouts out to a clerk in q
box nearby the size of the fish, the
name Of the boat that caught it, and
the price obtained. Every box that Is
sold Is taken note Of by a Checker
who stands at the side of the form.
All this business is accompanied by
continuous uprOar Of voices. The
salesman, the buyers, and the HEAVIER.
up all vie with one another-the heav.
being especially vocal. But what
he says might be Greek, for all the
can understand of it.
A 1uctuating market is Billingsgate
and II is a clever head that can gauge
rs ever-hckle balance.-LOndon An
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
OUGHT to Fill thu ailL.

A clergyman who advertised for an
organist received this reply: "Dear
Sir: notice that you have a vacancy
for an organist and music teacher,
either lady or gentleman. Having
been both for several years. ! beg to
apply for the Observation-Disclosures
(London).
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
What He Saw.

Minister, to Stranger saw you
looking i~ntently at my church just
now. Isn't ii a handsome editice?
Stranger-I guess sol didn't no
tice. ! was just thinking what a
splendid filling station site it occu-
pied.-Farm Life.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
DEMAND "BAYER' ASPIRIN
Aspirin Marked With "Bayer Cross"
Has Been Proved Safe by Millions.

Warning! Unless you see the name
"Bayer" on package or en- tablets you
are not getting the genuine Baycr
Aspirin proved safe by millions and
prescribed by physicians for. % years.
Say "Bayer' when you buy Aspirin.
limitations may prove dangerOus.-Adv
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
Flight over Pole Possible.

w. Mittelholzer. who recently made
n airpIane flight for nearly seven
hours over the northeastern part Of
Spitzbcrgen and the Arctic sea. is con
stani that a fight across the Nors
pole In a large plane II feasible.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
The Ideal Husband.

what qualifications have you that
give you the idea you would make a
good husband for my daughter" asked
the Old Man.
Il am a splendid listener and make
lots of money" he replied.
"All right" replied her dad, ''go to
It, but warn you right now that both
the acid est."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27
A Staggering Question.

did you ever see a company OF
women perfectly SILENT"
Yes, once; some Il had asked
which Of those present was the lid.
eSt."-LondOn Answers.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27

A good wife remembers a compli.
ment paid her husband as long as she
lives.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1923-12-27

er din
wall |
play
GratinI
eolon1
the w|
iy pie
and oil
onto 4
BY |
have |
ROOM,
the red
reached
tan 81
doors |
dining
Is sn1at
window
irj
and tn
he rea
Throl|
)rovisid|
God al
ever h
re six.
es|
This
aste e5
|
nd
81
Incl
Ieasingl|
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1923-06-14
The Day We Celebrate.
55th Anniversary Of Settlement Of White
Earth Reservation Being FlttingIy
Observed.

As we 60 to press the annual
celebration commemorating the
55th anniversary of the settlement
OF White Earth Reservation BY
the Chippewas is well under way.
And judging from the appearance
of the celebration grounds, even
at this early hour, it bids fair,
providing the weather permits, to
equal if not surpass any previous
celebration of its kind ever held
here. AS our publication is off
the press before the festivities are
fairly started, we are unable to
give an account Of the celebration
in this weeks issue, however we
will do so in our issue of June
21st.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1923-06-14
Minneapolis Physician
Locates at 0gema,

Residents of Ogema, White
Earth and the surrounding country
will be pleased to learn that we
are again to be accorded the SER
vices of a good physician. The
first of the week DR.. H. E. Harbo,
of Minneapolis. took over the
Office and practice of the late DR.,
Albert A. Campbell at Ogema.
DR.. Harbo has practiced his pro-
fession in the Mill City for several
years and is physician standing
high in his profession and he
comes to our community well
recommended.
This will be pleasing news to
the people of this vicinity who
have, since the death of DR..
Campbell, sadly missed the ser
vices of good physician.
DR.. Harbo's card will be found
on this page.