davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

sons without no voice, others
monkey with radio, others invest
In margins and still others back
musical shows. In other words,
there are certain people who are
not having any enjoyment at all
unless they are being bunked.
And the worst Of It Is, they never
get over Il. II one faker doesn't
get 'em, the next one WILL They
are born to be got and, g long
q that is their favorite line Of
entertainment, ] think It q poor
taste 10 interfere.
'This Il supposed 70 be . frss
country, and every Teller ID sup
posed 10 have the right to enter
tain himself and make his life in-
terestin' In any way he sees fit.
II . feller's favorite pleasure Of
curing himself Of lumbago by
rubbing his collar-bone with Q
carrot, which he has learned to
do ct Eve berries per lesson, It
10 none Of your business and
none Of mine. He IL spending his
own money and has got q right
to have . good time with It.
Therefore / believe these
takers perform . real mission In
this world by keeping . lot, Of
people interested who would not
be happy in any Of the normal
pursuits Of nfe."
But" says Elias Q. Higgin-
botham, something should ort
to be done to perfect these kind,
Of people"
"You can't perfect EN-" says
Quincy. "You cannot do moth
Ing whatever for them. When
you take one line Of bunk away
from them they grab something
else. A lot Of people are just
naturally 50 fond Of punishment
that they eat 1t up and ask for
more, and I'll prove 1t.
"S& no years ago, in fact, the
time ! am out West peddlin'
washing machines which will do
everything but washing. as / have
told you before. happen to go
very broke whilest on my way
home here from the golden West.
get TO a town in the middle of
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

Missouri, when ] realize that /
have not sufficient funds to grub
stake me through to New York,
and SO | decide to pull the magic
soap.
Now. this happens to be the
Oldest game In the bag Of tricks,
and It would seem Is though
everybody would be next to Il.
Il Il even older than the beam
guessing game which you alluded
to and which / use one time all
the way from San Antoine to Al
bany.
"'When ronp into this Mis-
souri, town / and that II II Just
naturally craving excitement, It
is before the days OF the pitcher
shows, and all the people have
got to do Is to walk around the
streets and look ct each other.
$50 gets a-holt Of q buggy,
which / drag down TO q promi-
nent corner and climb into same
and begin to yell. I have pre-
vious bought six cakes Of white
soap for quarter and cut them
up into small pieces and wrapped
each piece In tin-foil.
81 boiler that / will sell q cake
Of this marvellous magic soap for
one dollar. / do not say 1t viii
cure anything, and ! don't have
TO make no claims for this soap
whatever.
"Well, a crowd gathers around
and about and a strange thing
happens. The first guy which
antes one buck for a cake Of the
magic soap finds two-dollar bill
along with the soap inside Of tho
tin-foil. It pays to advertise, and
the soap gets to going very fast.
About an hour later another bird
discovers a two-dollar bill inside
OF his package Of soap, and then
1t is nothing but a riot.
"Along about nine o'clock an
other guy discovers a two-dollar
bill with his soap, only this time
1t happens to be a five-dollar bill.
Just then, when the excitement
Is at The highest and the buyers
is almost tipping the buggy over
the village constable hollers outs
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

duced and seven viii be sue
cesses. /.
Three hundred and foIty-six
thousand young men viii arrive
from the West to- set New York
afro and win learn that Il i made
Of asbestos.
One hundred and forty-seven
well-khown New York society
women win 60 into business and
start shops, and seven Of them
will stick until the end Of the
year.
There win Be . lot 81 sickness
and . good many fires IN various
parts Of the country and / believe
it would be darned funny if there
wasn't.
There win be several divorces
ia the motion picture colony and
twice &c many per capita among
people IN other walks Of life.
The Reds will be about to over
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

the Senate restaurant bar for D
hot toddy or . Tom and Jerry
but these days are gone and now
they rush to the lunch counter
for a glass Of hot milk or . cup
of beef tea.
Polar explorers are 9 tough lot,
but they have nothing on the old
boys who have sat in the Senate
chamber year after year. + Is
understood arrangements ara
being made not to pass around
soapstone foot-warmers to AL
members when the body Il IN
session.
Men used 70 buy re~erved
seats on the Senate floor and then
wonder why they bought them.
That custom is now out Of style
and In some cases the Senate
can't give these seats away.
A Senator's speech Is always
very interesting to the Senator
himself and his family.
Many bright young man goes
into the Senate, full Of hope and
come out several years later fun
of dope and asks what has gone
on In tho world while he was
clustered.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
Failures of an Optimist

HAVE been able to figure people
get along without nheting doing work, but
know good who do who live much better than
don't know why Jury believes that when homely
has her heart broken she entitled damages
the heart Of peroxide beauty with handkerchief map
ct least 100000.
have loaned money good many but been
treated with the Odtime cordiality after that.
am going to keep attending bargain one
where the bargains not all before
have asked than
the best have got far has been heated arguments
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
Looking
Backward

S years ago, 1922 was q
Afairish year.
s..ss...ss One Of its outstanding
fsqss was the conviction Of a
bo6negger in New York City. It
isdanbtful If this record will ever
be eaualled again.
lie fly-swatting championship
awarded to James Thwack
o3kokomo, Ind.5 who screened
tests for anew high average.
z36.
e German mark offered
s exceptional opportunities
low humor.
LAX production was reached
lie movie star divorce field.
Greeks, In making their
ls, proved to be the worlds.
title exodusters.
harvard beat Yale By bold,
but gentlemanIy flnesse Of Q full
hack.
nd@an the angles Of the Hall
Mills case were Of the Obtuse
variety.
Also
Several new comets were dis
covered e. well as an excellent
process for repairing rim-cut
galCshes.
Announcement Of the annual
mean rainfall In Deming. New
Mexico, precipitated q Wild furry
OF Indictment on the floor Of the
New York Stock Exchange which
va followed by . sharp break
= prices Rumors Of proposed
merger Of : grain elevator and
9Inar drug stors In Bucyrus,
ON eused the stocIs 70 rocket
fhowsysr, and. they soon
rs eQmo o4eab fishing new
- the ypar. ca the move
soal 1triks ~ neatly
kaiser's nuptials were en-
lsEsa more than his memoir.
ix4day bike race and the
ty investigation were de-
sAI'pot subject to the amuse-
nsnt tax
The Turks forward passing
eombtnation proved to be the best
IN the Near-E Eastern conferences.
And Apple Week. was 1 sue
cess, but '.Education Week.
didn't seem to take very well.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

~ Y
West have hauled OF and
pinched one Of them cult
guys from Asier," says Elias 9.
Higginbotham, and have went
and slammed him right into .
common ordinary Jail. / claim
that this guy is one Of the few
takers which gets what Is coming
TO them"
IT think It Is q shame to treat
the gent like that, says Quincy
Todd. ANY guy should OFT 70
have The right to peddle = quiet
little line OF bunk as long Is he
can't possibly fool nobody but
the boobs."
well" says ELIAS Q. Higgin-
botham, II suppose that Is your
idear Of Il, and do not know a.
can blame you for this idear,
seeing that you have yourself
worked your way all the way
from Montana TO New York By
working the old bean-guessing
game when you are broke. But
I'll say there are too manf Of
them cults running around loose.
Every faker that can get a-holt
Of an old red bathrobe and .
glass ball q starting some new
kind Of m angle to get the
dough. ! see one Teller Il now
teaching old guys to cure their
rheumatism by repeating hot
xiggity-alla-kazam' forty times .
day while setting in pea-green
light. That's tho ants alfalfa"
~ claim - how this IL very
good stuff" says Quincy. "There
L. . certain amount Of people in
this country which cannot be
happy and contented unless they
are interested In some cult or
other. and every line Of bunk
that Il introduced into this coun-
try helps to quell the natural
spirit Of unrest: While people
are busy thinking about one
thing they are not thinking about
something else.
"People have different ways Of
making themselves happy. Some
Of them get interested In these
here cult things, others buy bum
stocks, others take singing les
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
Radio
Revelations


TT is becoming more and moro
apparent that the wonders Of
radio win never cease.
The favorite outdoor sport
now Is to stand in front Of a
Essen store, and shiver In
llI wind for two hours while
F1g to football returns over
. radio transmitter craftily
located in the midst of q window
full Of pies and French pastry.
SFrat Observation-Disclosures
ztszzt:blah-zzt- bIah-zzt on u
forward NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
w6W.zzt-zzt-b lah-Dartmouth has
the Ablah-blah-zzt-zzt-zzt-g-r-r-
r-zzt-zzt-kicking for the goal
from the-zzt-zzt-zzt''
When You get home, your wife
asks, tssHov did the football game
eoms1out, AmbEossi"
Ard you reply: at came out
through 9 radio horn, but I don't
know how"
Man In New Jersey d using
his crystal receiving set to run
his wife's sewing machine. She
can do 30 much work now that
all he has to. do is to stay at home
end tinker his radio set.
They are operating race horses
By radio now. No driver or rider
u necessary. But they win
never eliminate the bookmakers
that way. A boolmaker operates
himself and regulates his own
wave3engths.
e-0ne- genius has invented .
no6eiess radio set. You can sit
fr the same room with It and
never hear a sound. It simply
esehss away to itself and doesn't
annoy. anybody. It Is believed
this-set will have q large sale, az
It is what most people have been
&eeT ever since the craze started.
20 One radio marriage has Topped
n1iSsEably. A woman In Pennsyl-
: vania married q man In Arizona
by radio and promised to meet
him in Chicago. He was to wear
yellow rose In his lapel and she
was to carry a green parasol.
When she looked out Of the car
window In the Chicago station
arfdr saw him waiting there, she
dipped out of the other side Of
thg ,frain and so far as she
Knows he Is waiting there yet.
The reason she ducked so un-
ceremoniously was that he had
seven children with him who had
, not BSen mentioned In the speci-
hcatiohs and blue-prints before
the radio marriage took place.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
This and That

see the man buying the movie
tickets.
One scientis. says there are six
reasons why prices will go higher.
Yes, yes! The first reason is that
somebody wants the money and
the other Ave reasons don't count.
The liquor confiscated during
the past year would fill the Grand
Canyon, but the trouble is that
the end Of tho canyon is open
and 1t would all run out.
arOAt brltain Rights Reserved
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
Things Not Worth Knowing

- ROVER CLEVELAND danced the ahmy any
modern Dances caring enough about learn
Limbprg Is small province In Europe which has made
loud noise in the world of the the home Of
the Lmburger ehees until the latter
around by themselves @sst
Throughout his entire series q during eight wears
Of the Revolutionary War; George Washington never ran out Of
safety razor blades.
The Amazon has the largest mouth any river In the world
and y was named after raeeApf wild women,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

~NE genius has invented a
calendar that will please
everybody but the land
lords. He leaves out the first and
starts every month on the tenth.
One producer Is looking for
short, snappy name for his new
girl and music show. Why not
call It Anatomy"
They say Il II always the
woman who pays, but you always
Copyright, l02S. by HtAr "a.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07

Most Unlindase Cut or All.
Dispatch says snow is SO deep
in a cut near Salt Laks City that
no automobiles can get through
and people have to depend en-.
tirely upon FordS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-07
Quincy Todd on Cults By Roy K Moulton

SEE how the police out
West have hauled OF and
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
Junior Panthers
Meet Poets Here
The Simpson Tornado, claimants Of

The Simpson Tornado, claimants Of
the state championship, will meet
Sidney Lanier, one of the three fore
most teams in the state championship
ship race, Friday and Saturday aft
ernoon In a three-game series on
Munger Bowl. One game will be
played Friday and two Saturday
afternoon.
Sidney Lanier was one of the three
teams that were outstanding in the
race for championship until Tusca-
loosa defeated them by a score of s
to 3 on Rotary field at Tuscaloosa.
This knocked Sidney Lanier's hopes
for the championship, for Tusca-
locsa was the foremost contender for
the title until last week when Simp-
son eliminated the Bears by defeat
ing them in three straight games on
Munger Bowl.
Simpson has almost clear claim
to the title. Tuscumbia beat the Tor
nado when the team was on a road
trip in north Alabama, but Simpson
beat Sheffield IN two straight games
and Sheffield beat Tuscumbia in
three straight games as well as every
other team in that section of the
state. The Tuscumbia defeat was
only mar on Simpsons record and
not game that would figure in
against Simpsons claim as Tuscum-
bia is not contender for the title.
The games Friday and Saturday
with Sidney Lanier will actually be
a championship series. Sidney Lanier
may lay claim to the title if she
beats out Simpson, despite the fact
that Tuscaloosa defeated her. How
ever, in this case there will be some
contention a to whether Simpson or
Sidney Lanier has the best claim.
However, If Simpson wins the series
she will have no obstacle in her way
and can claim the state tile without
question
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
CANNED MUSIC
IN BIRMINGHAM
TO BE SILENCED

Broadcasting stations are to
have field to themselves on sur
charging the magic city atmos-
phere with music, for the voice
of the vivid voctrola, graphic
nola and photograph will be
sllenced in the business section.
The truth of the matter Is La
Paloma" did 1t. For goodness
only knows how long the dove
hall, beating its wings against
the windows, until the city en-
ployes. hearing the strains from
several points, would feel hostile
to the first Mexican that entered
the city hall.
Wednesday morning the edict
went forth that mechanical music
in the lobby of shop is no long
er fashionable in Birmingham, re-
gardless of whether it Is Tho
Rubaiyat" from Screech," Gray's
GETTYSBURG screech,' "Gray's
Elegy on a saxophone," the Quar-
tet from the queens QUAR-" or
the lowed to the Bookeeper."
Most of the music shops are
glad of 1t, because records are
worn slick with the street dust
blowing on them and are there
after unstable, but if one does it,
the others feel they must.
A resurrected ordinance says,
among other things: 1T shall be
a violation or by the use of
a megaphone from which loud
and unusual noises emit"
Those four last words were
written prior to tho popular adj
vent Of the modern cabinet ma
chine, but, no matter, there
being a megaphone or It's equiva.
lent in machine, the question is
settled.
Persons walking through the
retail district from now on can
keep step to auto horns. ThereW
be no more music.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
SEEK PHARMACY SCHOOL

Effort Is being made to establish
a school of pharmacy at Birming-
ham Southern college. similar to the
one at the Alabama Polytechnic in
stitue at Auburn, it was stated at the
meeting Of the Retail Druggists di-
vision Of the Chamber of Commerce
Wednesday. The school at Auburn
has been given highest recognition
by national pharmaceutical authori-
ties, according to DR.. w. P. Thomp-
son of Guntersville, one of the guests
at the luncheon.
DR.. w. A. Bingham of Tuscaloosa
and DR.. Thompson made short ad-
dresses.
A resolution OF thanks was ten
dered The Age-Herald for a recent
editorial relating to the Auburn
school of pharmacy.
ARRANGEMENTS were reported as
progressing for the entertainment OF
600 to 500 delegates expected to at
tend the annual convention of the
state association in Birmingham June
10 and IA. DR.. Claude Hagan. gem
eral chairman, has appointed Burkett
Ktssell chairman of the automobile
committee and B. A. Shifflet chair
man of the registration committee.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
EX-W|FE LIVES WITH
FORMER HUSBAND AND
HIS PRESENT SPOUSE
"We're Divorced But Still
Good Friends" Says Come
dy Star

ANSON1A Conn, May between
love and hatred there is a middle
plane of friendship on which Roy
Cummings. knock about comedian of
musical comedy and his present wife
have become hosts for the summer
to Cummings first wife who divorced
him.
The first Mrs. Cummings, who is
2S, dark and flashingly vivacious,
has brought her daughter, Edna. age
8, to dwell in harmony in the canvas
topped bungalow which the two
women and Cummings built a few
weeks ago for their summer home,
The second and incumbent Mrs. Cum
mings is blonde and 20 and in her
way quite as attractive as the for
mer Mrs. Cummings who she counts
among her best friends.
There should be no hard feelings
after divorce" Cummings reasoned,
discussing the strange triangle
which even Greenwich village has no
romance to match. When man
and woman walk out of a divorce
love one another. But why should
they hate? Can't they be friends?
There were not hard feelings be-
tween us after my first wife di-
vorced me. The absence of hard
feelings makes 1t possible for us
to have this happy arrangement of
ours. If there were enmity we would
have to change our plans, We have
perfect harmony there is no bicker-
ing here"
There are A windows in the Cum
mings' dwelling, set amid the bun
galows of many other actors whose
names in winter. like that of Cum
rings, glow In the white lights over
the show shops from one coast to the
al her
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
GOVERNOR TO ATTEND
COLLEGE DEDICATION
New Dormitory At Birmingham
Southern To Honor Andrews

Governor and Mr. w. w. Brandon
will leave Montgomery early Thurs
day morning to attend the dedication
of Allen S. Andrews dormitory at 10
o'clock Thursday morning at Bir-
mingham Southern college, according
to a statement Wednesday by DR..
Guy f. Snavely, president.
The dormitory, in memory of Dr..
Andrews, who was president of the
college from 1870 to 1874 and 1883
to 1894, was erected in 1918, and a
bronze tablet was placed there
by his sons and daughters. of whom
Mrs Brandon is the only surviving
daughter.
Lately the board of trustees met
and decided to name the building
after DR.. Andrews. Arrangements for
the dedication then were started.
The program Thursday is in charge
OF w. II. Stockham,, vice chairman,
executive committee of the board of
trustees. Addresses will be made and
the program filled by men who have
graduated under DR.. Allen-Rev. w.
E. Morris, class of 's9, prayer Ed
gar NJ Elliott, class of 'ss,
address; Rev. 1. F. Hawkins, class
of 'Ss, address. Response will be
made by DR.. Guy E. Snavely and the
tablet in memory of DIR. Andrews will
be unveiled by Mrs. Brandon.
The birmingham Southern Glee
club will sing at intervals during
the ceremony and will close the pro-
gram with Alma Mater" The college
will be opened to the public during
the dedication. The dormitory &C
commodities 20 students.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
DERBY ENTRANTS
MAKE FAST TIME
IN TRIAL HEATS

LOUISVILLE. KY. May 10
Scratches on Derby day, next Satur-
day are to be posted at $3.50 in the
morning it was announced late to-
day by officials of the Kentucky
Jocky club. After that time no
owner is permitted to scratch his
entry unless the thoroughbred is
physically unable to race.
The first race on the Derby day
card has been moved up to 1905
O'Clock it also was announced and
an interval of As minutes probably
will be observed between each race
in order to take care of the antici-
pated heavy. crowds at the Mutual
machines. Figured from this tenta-
tive schedule, the Derby field would
be sent away about 1850 o'clock.
A drop in temperature following
heavy rains made the course at the
Downs heavy and stiff today. Des-
pite the chill a large crowd was on
hand to watch the classic candidates
work out.
Bo Mcmillan was credited with a
mile and one-Quarter with Derby
weight up in 2:12 2-5. Enchantment
turned in 2:15, haHdily, for the
Derby route. Rialto and Chickvale,
paired, negotiated the mile and one
quarter distance in 2-17 rs.
Anna NJ. Humphrey was sent a
mile and a quarter in 2:15 3-5, cas-
ing up after watchers gave him
200 LIS at the last eighth hole.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-05-17
WLENDON WILL
URGE 100000
GARBAGE PLANT
CONTINUED From Page one)

for determination next to hopeless.
Owners of animals spend money
to prevent stables and outhouses be-
Ing places of fly breeding. yet these
dumps continue IN use, year after
year. 1t Is inexcusable."
President McLendon's plan to lay
the matter before the public is high
ly commendable. It's the public's
affair and L believe the public is
interested to an extent that 1t will
vote favorably on the insignificant
tax necessary to obtain the bonds
that will pay for modern sanitary
ways of handling the city's garbage.
1t is the thing to do"
Busy Wednesday Morning.
Mr. McLendon was busy wednes-
day morning getting data on the
subject, having old reports hunted
up and collecting the information he
wants to get the subject in concrete
shape before the full membership OF
the commission. He is not certain
how long it will take to get the data
up to date. satisfy himself on the
law and get all machinery in work
ing order. He has given some
thought to calling referendum
election. but believes 1t best for the
matter to be handled by the citizens
on their own initiative, in that 1T
Will have he said,f moro interested
sponsors and more publicity.
Il would not hesitate to ask the
commission to call referendum
election on the matter" he said, but
II the public takes the initiative and
calls it's own election the chance Of
winning will be doubled, and l want
this thing to be done"
Not Income Property.
Mr. McLendon said he did not
want tn raise eDy false hOnna about
come property.
Il have heard stories of towns in
stalling incinerators and using the
burning of the trash to make steam
to heat municipal buildings, run the
trolly cars, and generally do lot of
stunts that l am not at all sure
about. 1t seems to me that these
stories should be discounted in ad-
vance. If the incinerators will re-
lieve the city of the garbage ques-
ton, help preserve good health and
contribute even a little toward their
self support, we ought to be salts
fled. 1 do not look for any volume of
money coming from them"
The clerk of the city commission
has been instructed to write Mont
gomery and other cities where In
cineration of garbage has been put
to practical test, for available data
on operating costs, income and
capacity per thousand population.
AS son as tho data Mr.. McLendon
wants is here for persual he will
take the steps contemplated in lay
ing the subject before the city COM
mission, and that body approving,
haf the nJlhliC