Evening star., 1923-10-07


'T'lf have a car in front Of the hotel
In five minutes" he said.
.-t 4 X y !.
CHE was little pale as she came
- from the hotel and stepped into
the car waiting at the curb, but she
was smiling bravely.
Z DO you hate me?" Glenn asked mis-
erably as the car carried them out
toward the country.
{ NO" She said without emotion. "Of
course not.,'
DO YOU mean thatAthat--every-
things all right?" he hazarded.
& NO" she repeated in that same
voice. "Of course not"
: He put his head in his hands and
groaned.
8 Lets not be emotional" she said.
'There's something 1 don't UNDER
stand. and emotion won't help me to
understand it. Let's talk of this
thing calmly, frankly and imperson-
ally. Please"
All right" he agreed, mastering
himself. What Is 1t you don't UNDER
stand"
You were afraid when Parker Jew
EFT attacked you in the hotel" she
said. quietly. Il would have been
proud Of you II you had refused to
make scene and fight with him,
even if he had struck you. But you
were afraid. don't understand
that"
I'm just coward" he said.
She shook her head slowly. II don't
think that, Glenn" she replied. judi
cially. 81 can't think that. You act
ed like coward. and you say that
you are one. but / don't believe it.
Glenn. 1 don't believe it."
Il am" he repeated, hopelessly. "I
always have BEEN"
She looked at him searchingly. why
were you afraid when Parker at
tackled you?"
"I-don't know" he said. Il can't
think it out. I've been that way ever
since I was a child. You might as
well know it all, Irene found out
that l was a coward when I started
school. / was big for my age and
strong, and 1 had a fight with a boy
much smaller than I. It's boasting to
call it fight. He struck at me and !
lodged and ran. / could not stand
and face him."
why couldn't you?" Irene ques-
toned.
Because / saw so clearly every
thing terrible that might happen.
saw myself fall and hit my head on
| a rock and lie on the ground with a
crushed skull. 1 saw this other boy
lying dead with a broken neck that
had twisted too savagely when we
were wrestling. I saw the other boy
pick up a Jagged rock during the
course of the fight and strike me in
the face with it, disfguring me for
life. I saw myself jab my thumb
Into one of his eyes and blind him.
In my Imagination I saw all these
things happen. 1 saw them all in one
swift, horrible flash, as real to me as
though they had actually happened.
I simply saw all the horrible possi-
,bilities of the thing so clearly that I
couldn't help running away any more
than could help trying to dodge If
a rattlesnake struck at me. 1t was
just something could not help"
CHE laid her hand on his arm. You
~ must have tried hard" she said,
sympathetically.
Tried" he exclaimed. mo physi-
cal punishment could possibly be in
fiicted that would be as hard to bear
as the agony OF being known as a
coward. OF course the word got
around school that was yellow, and
everybody collaborated in making my
life miserable from then on. I tried
everything. I tried to argue myself
into bravery. 1 tried to drive myself
by will power. I took all manner Of
exercises and kept in strict training,
thinking that perhaps the certainty
of bodily strength and endurance
would help me. think would have
died OF shame and lonesomeness but
for one thing. When I was alone
and, believe me, was alone more
than most boys-I could get relief by
pretending to be the person I wanted
! to be by just acting. The same imagi-
nation that made me a coward gave
me relief from the penalties Of my
cowardtce. I went through high
school. The coach picked me out on
my appearance. went out and tried
for the team, but that cursed imagi-
nation of mine worked there as else.
where. The coach and the other fel--
lows on the team told me was yell
low, and they weren't at any pains to
keep their Information to themselves"
my DEAR she murnured. "My poor
boys g..
"Then, Twas picked to do the lead
In the school. play" he went on, "and
for the first time in my life knew q
little period Of happiness. I was q
coward, but .1scould act the part Of a
brave man and make an audience like
IL. For the first time in my life I
was praised and, admired. felt the
thrill OF power:
'"The next day ran away from
homo and managed to catch on ~
property boy with q little ten.twenty-
thirty rep. show. II was a horrible
life. but I was happy. They soon
gave me bits to act. and ] did them
SO much better than they expected
. that again had demonstration of
the curative and stimulative effects
OF. praise and admiration. From then
until I met you, Irene, all my life
that counted for anything was made
OF the time, spent rehearsing or
acting. Nothing else mattered. al
most forgot that I was coward. It's
been years sinus / have had to face q
situation that brought the fact back
to my attention. They say act con-
.luA III I,rxA