davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Mammy's Collections.

Harris Dickson tells of an old negro
nanny who was kept from starvation
by the white woman who gave her oc.
casional odd jobs to do Mrs. Dick
son, the writer's mother, had found
some homework for the old negress.
but after working a day or two Man
dy said she must quit.
II done have to go out collectin' for
the missionary society,"" she explain
ed,
But have work for you to do,
said Mrs. Dickson, land you need all
the money you can get"
Il know" said the old nanny, ''but
done hat to collect fob de missionary
society,"
"What do you get paid for collect
ing?" asked Mrs. Dickson. ~
81 don't get paid said Mandy. 81
only gets what collects"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
A Bear Moxenltenf

Visitor-"Your church is q beauty.
That handsome house next door Ia
the parsonage, presumed"
Deacon De Good-~No-0. Fact 10,
the parsonage is some distance up
town, but we intend to make an Of
fer for enc of these nearby residences
soon.' ff,
"The price will be high, no doubt
HIN! / think not. We shan't try
to buy until after our new chimes ere
put in"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Easily Divided

The following question was put to
some young pupils in Philadelphia
public school:
There is a family of five children.
The mother has only four potatoes to
divide among them. She wants to
give each child an equal share. What
is she to do?'
Silence Prevailed in the classroom;
every pupil was calculating diligently.
Finally one boy put up his hand.
"Well, Sammy, what would you do?"
asked the teacher.
Mash the potatoes, ma'am."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
His Fatal Mistake

Mr.. Pugnose-"W What? You will not
marry mel"
Sweet Girl-.Impossible."
But you seemed to love me once.
Your eyes Frightened at my approach;
and often when l sat silently gazing
at you, am sure you were greatly
agitated"
yes, know; but since you have
cut off your side wriskers you don't
look SO much like poor. dear. dead
and-gone Fido."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

JOY Rider (stopped by rural con
stable - Haven't we got any rights
left in this country? Doesn't the Con-
stitution guarantee us life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness?"
Constable 1t don't guarantee no
man The pursuit of happiness at nine
ty miles an hour"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Had Just BEGUN.

"a traveller looking for a person BY
the name Of Dunn. who owed him
money, asked young fellow where
IS Chatham street was, as he wished
70 find Mr.. Dunn"
~ The fellow told him to go into a
nearby eating-house, and the man near
the window was Mr.. Dunn. The ira
weller went into the clearinghouse and
went up to man who happened to be
an Irishman.
q Are you Dump" asked the travel
or.
"Done?' said Pat. by my soul |
have just started"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Strictly Neutral.

Nobody seems to. know whether he
favors votes for women or not"
"a crafty man who keeps his own
counsel. His wife thinks women
should vote, his wife's mother takes
the opposite view"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Hadn't Been There Long

A pretty young woman stepped into
a music store the other day. She
tripped up to the counter where a
new clerk was asserting music and,
in her sweetest tones, asked: "Have
you Kissed Me in the Moonlight p
The clerk turned halfway around,
locked at her, and said: 1T must
have been the man at the other coun-
ter. I've only been here week."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

Small Johnny was wriggling and
twisting in vain endeavor to put his
arms thru the sleeves of an undergar-
ment and then get it over his head.
After several futile attempts he called
out to his mother:
Say, mamma, when / get to be
an angel and have wings, l don't see
how III ever get my shirt on!'
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Struck

Mother-"It won't do to take our
daughter to the theater so often.
am afraid she already imagines her
self an actress"
Father-"Has she taken to studying
Shakespeare"
Mother Moo; but within the past
six weeks she has been engaged to
half dozen different men,"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

Il am servant of the people" said
the man who is more polite than pa
triotic.
II don't like to hear you call your
self a servant commented Farmer
Corntossel. "As I think of the taxes
] pay toward your salary, it makes me
fesl as if were up against the tipping
evil"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Entirely Too FaneifuI

Publisher--"yery sorry, but We
cannot undertake to publish your nov.
Ell. 1t is too Enthusiastically imprpha-
ble." iii
Fair "Improbable7
Certainly. The hero and heroine
meet at summer resort and become
engaged"
Surely that happens in real life."
Frequently. But your couple go
home and marry each other, instead
Of each marrying some one else"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Mo Trained nurse.

81 Mrs. Finnicki (entering kitchen with
newspaper) "Norah, a celebrated
doctor says that broons are full Of
microbes. so hereafter you'i have to
give your broom an antiseptic bath
avery day
Norah-'.S hure OH not Next thing
yea be askin' me to give it massage
thartements and hyppydermic injic-
tions. an We may as well understand
right now that Dim no trained
nurse"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Made Bill Ill.

First Why are you sad, Bill?"
Second Boy-"Oh, I'm troubled with
dyspepsia"
First Boy-"How can that be?"
Second Boy II got licked at
school cause I couldn't spell it."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
No Elbow Room

Farmer Farwest-"Pm goin' to
move away from here. It's getting
too crowded.
Wife-"Crowded?"
Farmer Farwest--"Remember the big
meteor we saw one night six weeks
ago."
'Of course"
Wen, that new neighbor saw the
game one"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
A Question Of Time.

sss II don't know why we came in
here" said Mrs. Bored, as she settled
herself down in restaurant. I'm not
= bit hungry"
'1That's all right" said libby. Just
you sit here and wait :
'sWaitl But why? I'm not hungry,
as / said before"
Never mind, dear. You will be
by the time the waiter brings us our
foodl"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
An EDUCATED Cook

Gothamite-'1 hear you have a
Yassar graduate for cook. Isn't it
rather expensive?"
Harlemite- MOT very She works
for her board and clothes"
Gothamite-@W Why. how does she
come to do that?"
Harlemite She's my wife"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

asaic
g Th s tr ea with
a mighty 6 aa Gssa
sections ~
Us it an accident! aAat l<4p0ened?"
inquired worriedlooking individual
Of the guard, who came running up the
line.
Some one pulled the communities
ton cord!'' shouted the guard. Boat
express knocked our last carriage off
the Incl Take us four hours before
the line is clear!"
Great Scottl Four hours! am sup
posed to be married todayl" groaned
the passenger.
The guard, bigoted bachelor, rails
ed his eyebrows suspiciously.
Look ERE" he demanded, II sup
pose you amt the chap that pulled
the cord?" IL
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
q Friendly lin

Married Man MI married yet?'
Old Chum-''No. I'm not"
Married Mani Now. see here, ole
boy, times are changing mighty fast
You take my advice and marry, before
women get any more emancipated
taan they are already"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
In Most Gases.

"You don't go after that fellow
right" grumbled the boss. "I'll bet
could collect that account"
81 wish you'd try it, sir" replied the
weary collector YOU'D find it case
of easier said than dun"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
How to please All.

Agitator What this country needs
10 compulsory arbitration"
Teacher - "And compulsory educa-
ton"
Preacher - "And compulsory reli-
gfon."
Old Mas = Eyes. and compulsory
love-"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Too Inqulsitive.

Politician Congratulate me. my
dear, I've won the nomination"
Wife lin surprise)-"H onestly?"
Politician - Now what in thunder
did you want to bring up that point
for2"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
The Uncertain Step.

when / put my foot down / mean
it." exclaimed the positive man.
81 used to feel that way" answered
Uncle Flopsole. "But since took
dancing lessons, I'm compelled to re-
consider"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

Country cousin-I suppose the mot
to of you women in New York is, Eat,
drink, and be merry"
City cousin-No. dear; it is. Eat,
wink. but be wary."-From Judge.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Clear of Debt

Whatever l have accomplished,
said the pompous man, 81 owe to my.
self"
How delightful it must be-. muir
INJURED weary listener, "to feel so
clear of debt"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
That's So.

"T'ha country is simply being ruinoa
by this idea of rushing everything
Eyer where would this country
have been if thay had arrested Paul
Revere for exceeding the speed lin.
it?''
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Safety First

Hokus-Closeist claims that when
charity is needed, he is always the
first to put his hand in his pocket.
Pokus-Yes; and he keeps it there
till the danger is over.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14

The Installment Collector Are
you sure your mistress isn't INT"
The New Maid-'T hope you don't
doubt her word, sir"
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Early Impressions.

Teacher - do you know, Tommy,
when shingles first came into user"
Tommy-T think when / was be-
tween and yearssold, ma'am."
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
The Affectlonate Pedagoguess.

There was a young teacher named
Ludlum.
Who'd pick up her pupils and cudlum;
But at teaching good night!
That Jane was fright
She couldn't do nothing but mudlumi
From Judge.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
True bliss.

The Pessimist - The best luck any
man can have is never to have been
born; but that seldom happens to any
man. -----' - ---'-- -----S.-S-
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Lnat hia Head Also.

"Eyhat happened when you encoun
tered the burglar"
HE took my breath away"
Anything else anything Of val-
ue.r asked the Officer mechanically.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
Variable Sex.

"A designing man hate" she said,
With scornful head erect;
And yet within year she loved
And wed an architect.
The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1923-06-14
PiraticaI conspirators.

@I'm going to be pirate like esp
tain Kidd" said Willie.
I'm going to be train robber like
Jesse James," said Harold.
Huh" said Jimmie. I've got you
both beat mile. I'm going to run a
summer hotel like my Uncle Jake"
Awkward.
Pupil-"Teacher, may / be absent
this afternoon? My aunt's cousin is
dead"
Teacher-"W ell-yes-I suppose so,
but really l wish it was some nearer
relative"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
IS LOVE BLIND?-NEVER!

How do you sect. Merely with the two physical eyes in
your head. II that is true you are missing much-yes you
are missing all the best in life.
1t is what we see with our minds eye with our souls eye
that gives us real joy, that makes us understandable and I'M
derstood and therefore lovable and loving.
Perhaps, after all, it is blindness of heart that is the great
est sin. For when we see with our souls and our minds we
stand as on a mountain top. There is no fog of misunder-
standing there. From the mountain top we can discern the
players of life clearly, and in that bright light we can judge
them justly.
Love is blind. I do not believe it. 1t is love that makes
us see. Does not the musician who loves his art, sense it,
feel it, understand the beauty of it more perfectly than the
cold Indifferent players Is the wife who loves her husband
blind to his faults No, she sees them but she takes into account
his temperament, and she judges him not alone by his acts
but by his motives, which she knows. She understands him
because she loves him and because she loves him she I'M
derstands him.
Who is it who sees the beauty in a sunsets The one who
loves nature.
Who is it whose soul is stirred by a beautiful paintings
The one who loves art.
Who is it who senses the spark of goodness in all human
ity? The one who loves humanity.
Who is it who sees the best in you? The one who loves you
best.
Love is b~lind-never!
In is Indifference, disdain, GOODNESS, hatred that smoth-
es one in a dark, dim atmosphere of misunderstanding
Open wide the eyes of your soul and your mind if you
would see the beauty in everything and everyone about you.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
Ailments
Can Be Cured

Convinced that one half our foot
trouble is preventable, home eco
nomic specialists at the college of
agriculture are holding a series of
free countrywide lectures throughout
the state and using a two reel film
entitled Foot Follies" to demon
strate the value Of saner shoes and
filter feet.
It is being shown by these special
lists that in addition to washing the
feet regularly, and rubbing them
briskly to remove dead skin, they
should be dried thoroughly-espe-
cially between the toes. After that
a simple powder on an enollient
should be used, depending on
whether the feet are over oily or
over dry.
The Importance of toeing straight
ahead and bringing all muscles into
play is also being stressed. The film
shows exercises useful in restoring
limberness and strength to the foot
and toes.
The lectures are recommending
shoes with a straight inner line, flex-
ible shank, plenty of toe room, and
low flat heel.
Their final recommendation Is to
keep the body at normal weight. AS
they express 1t, Don't require n
81 foot to support a 160 pound
BODY
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
Weighing the Baby

One of the first things the doctor
or nurse does after the baby Is born
Is to put him on the scales. Every
mother Is certain to feel a glow of
pride If she has borne a husky
baby. Nine pounds! Just think Of
It!
From then on for the first few
months weighing is a very serious
business. The nee q week weigh
Ing is a rite and the number of
ounce gained are set down with
pen and ink in the baby's record
book.
This Is just as II should be. The
sole trouble being that the mother
doesn't continue 1t. Weighing gets
to be a job. She decides that the
baby looks fat, he is growing every
week, of what use Is Weighing. And
then some disturbance arises, the
baby doesn't sleep well at nights,
he Is wakeful and fussy during the
day. When she takes him to a doc
tor and he asks her chow is he
gaining ?" she has only an approx
mate idea. She doesn't know.
Weighing is an important index
of the baby's condition. 1t is i'm
possible sometimes to tell what is
the matter with some babies unless
weight IS taken into consideration.
1t should be done systematically,
every week at the same time. The
result should be recorded. II the
baby does not gain It's full four to
six ounces every week there is no
frightful cause for alarm; but If 1t
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
New Tempting
Dishes Devised
By Sister Mary

Parsnips are one of the cheap
est and best winter vegetables.
They are a starchy food If served in
their natural state but If combined
with egg and a certain amount or rat
they add many "calories" to a scanty
menu.
Serve them with dark meats OF
high flavor.
These recipes for parsntps may
helm YOU to vary your winter menus:
ParsniD Balls
Six parsnips, 2 tablespoons butter
bteaspoon salt. Il teaspoon pep
per, Il cup flour, l egg. -,
Wash and scrape parsnips. o
In sailed water until tender. Dram
and mash. Season with butter, SAT-
and pepper. Add flour and eggs well
beaten and mix we'll. Form into
small balls. Roll in cracker crumbs
dip in egg slightly beaten with one
tablespoon water. roll again IN
crumbs and fry to a golden brown
in deep hot fat. Drain on brown
1aper and serve. The fat shouiu pe
hot enough to brown an inc square
of bread from the SOFT I OIL the
loaf in 40 seconds.
1t will take longer to cook par
ships that have been dug some time
and become Willy than freshly dug
and crisp ones.
Glazed Parsnlps
-Four parsnips, X teaspoon salt,
IL asp pepper, l desertspooh
g ? tablespoons butter. 4 table
spoons hot water.
Wash and scrape parsnips. Cut
In slices, crosswise, three-quarters
of an inch thick. Put each piece
flat in a big flat pan or
- Cs--t,IE1. rrFit1 ca II nnn
and sugar. Dot with bits of butter
| and pour in the hot water at one
| side of the pan without disturbing
the parsnips. Cover tightly and COOK
slowly for As minutes, or until ten
der. Remove cover and brown
quickly in a very hot oven.
Parsnip Souffle
Four parsnips, "a teaspoon SILT,
Il pepper. 1 tablespoon
butter IA cups soft bread crumbs,
2 eggs, u cup milk. -,
Wash and scrape parsnips and Doll
| until tender in sailed water. Dram
and force through a potato ricer;
| Melt butter, add milk and bread
! crumbs and when very hot ana
smooth add parsnips. Season with
| salt and p p and add the yolks
of the eggs well beaten. Beat whites
Of eggs until stiff and dry n o
into mixture. Turn into a buttered
baking dish and bake 25 minute III
a. moderate oven. Serve at once.
Parsnips Frltters
Wash and scrape parsnips ana
boil until tender in salted water.
Cool and cut in slices n inch thick.
Dip in frying batter and fry in deep
! hot fat for a golden brown.
FRYING BATTER: -Four table
spoons flour, n teaspoon salt" 1
tablespoon melted butter, II cup
warm water, 2 eggs (whites.)
Mix and sift flour and salt. Add
melted butter and stir. Beat in
water, Beat vigorously for five min
utes and let stand half an hour. Fold
in the whites of the eggs beaten
until stiff and dry. Use as needed.
Parsnips are good boiled and
| mashed and seasoned with butter,
salt and pepper and a little sugar.
Most of the winter vegetables are
improved by the %judicious use OF
sugar.
Parsnips are also served in cream
sauce. +.
All these dishes furnish mucf
nourishment but are not quickly di
gested and should not be included
in the diet of children or invalids
Copyright, 1923 NEA Service, Inc.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
Woman Council
Has Card Session


The local Council of Jewish Wo-
men held their regular meeting in
the Beth Mordecai temple in Hobart
street, Monday afternoon, with the
president. Mrs. ]. B. Joselson, pre-
siding. Tables were arranged for
bridge, five hundred, pinochle and
whist. High scores for the after
noon were made by the following:
Bridge, Mrs. Robert Glickman,
Mrs. Abraham London, Mrs. Lee
Slobodien, Mrs. Arthur Weiss. Whist,
Mrs. Case Of New York. Mrs. Els
ner. Pinochle, Mrs Rosenberg. and
five hundred, Mrs. Samuel Brody.
Refreshments were served by the
committee in charge, consisting of
Mrs. Philip Belikove, chairman,
assisted by Mrs. Sol Benhamu, Mrs.
M. Bennett, Mrs. |. Amster and Mrs.
Philip Borak, who deserve much
credit for the success of the affair.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
BROADCASTS
Unbiased

The minister had preached a fine
sermon on the beauties of married
life. Two old ladies coming u OF
the church we're commenting on his
address. "Twas a fine sermon" said
one. at was indeed" said the other.
And l wish | knew as little about
the matter as he does"
The Old-Fashioned Matron and
the New-Fashioned Matron met the
other day. The o. +. M. who prides
herself on her liberal viewpoint
wasn't particularly Mortified when
she saw her younger sister keeping
right on at her desk, regardless of
the fact that there was a husband
in an Office two or three blocks
away. Also, the fact that the New
Fashioned Matron insisted upon be-
ing Miss Maiden Name" to her pro-
~fessional associates was easy to
grasp.
SO she turned her attention to the
only honest-to-goodness bachelor girl
present. But you must get married, !"
she admonished. IT'S such a won
derful experience, don't you think? p
she turned to the New-Fashioned
Matron who lad not erased the
Miss on her Office door.
She wanted confirmation from the
married sisterhood. But she didn't
get it. "Why, | don't know she
replied. II really hadn't thought
much about It in that light Then
the argument started.
The Observation-Disclosures Bachelor
girl remembered the story OF the
minister's sermon and the old ladies.
1t is lots more comfortable 20
preach much and know little. Facts
have a way of hampering ones style.
Copyright, 1923, by Public Ledger
Company
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
A Singing Game


One Mother says:
Here's a game to teach little
brother or sister. They car play it
at their party times. All the young
sters stand in line, n behind the
other. Each one holds the coat or
dress of the one in front, while sing
ing the words, make a tail, make a
tail for the great big whale" They
step forward on tip-toe in time with
the tune. The leader, who is at one
end of the tail. may lead the Others
wherever he chooses until the word
whale" has been sung. At the word
each child stamps his foot, drops the
coat or dress of the one ahead, turns
1uickly and catches at once the coat
or dress of the one who was just
behind him. In this way there is a
new leader. The song is then sung
again as before.
Copyright. 1928, Associated Editors)
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
What Perth Amboy
Women Doing
In Club Activities

Woman Perth Amboy Women =.
The Fremad Sick Benefit Society
will hold their annual Christmas
tree in Washington hall tomorrow
night. Members and families are
invited to attend.
The solomon Schecter Society
held an interesting meeting in the
Y. NJ. H. A. rooms in Smith street
Monday night. Following u short
business session a social time was
enjoyed.
An interesting speaker has been
secured for the next regular meeting
of the local Council of Jewish Wo-
men which will be held on January
%, in the new Y. NJ. II. A. building,
The subject for the afternoon will
be Sex Hygiene"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
Many Activities
For Carteret Women

CARTERET, Dec. 26:-Installa-
ton of new officers of the Ladies'
Democratic Organization will be
held on Wednesday night, January
2.
The Ladies Republican Club,
Mrs. Frank Andres. chairman, is
cooperating to make the Victory
dance of the Republican Club,
scheduled for Friday night, January
4, a big success.
On Thursday night, January 3rd,
the Carteret Parent-Teacher Asso-
citation will hold it's regular monthly
meeting.
The Girls Friendly Club of st.
Marks parish IS busy selling tickets
for the euchre they will hold on
January 10 in the parish.
The Ladies' Whist Club will omit
its weekly card game this Friday
and hold a theatre party that night
instead.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-12-26
The PInx Is Giycni

Little lame boys with their
crutches, pale children in wheel
chairs, every single person in the
Cripples' Hospital gathered in the
play-room to see the Santa Claus
Toy Shop" play given by the Color
.Cut-outs.
"O-oh!" they breathed at the
wonderful French doll. "Hurrah
for Mrs. Santa Claus cried they
as the little old lady in the yellow
dress appeared. But they laughed
and clapped loudest when a jolly
tat st. Nicholas with his pack of
toys tumbled down the fireplace.
ut was only a paper fireplace with
o box behind it off which Fatty
Barnes jumped, but everybody pre-
tended 1t Yves real.)
"Ho, no, 10, no, hot" cried Santa.
his fat sides shaking. "A merry
Christmas to each and every one,
with a gift from my Toy Shop to
top the morning!" Then he began
tossing books and balls and GIN
cracks right and left till every child
had two or three or five!
Give Santa n bright red coat and
cap. His toys you make make very
color in your box. May you have as
merry a Christmas as the CUT-OUTS
and the crippled childreni
Copyright, 1923, Associated Editors)