davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

The league of nations has too
many umpires and not enough
players.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Eddy Kett says some folks
save napkin bills by washing the
back of their hands.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Most cheese at birth Il old
enough 10 vote.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Man from st. Louis thinks that
butterfly kissing is a course in
botany.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

The only grounds for divorcing
a miser from his money are burial
grounds.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Frightened deer leaps from
auto"-Headline. Frightened dears
have been known to do the same
thing.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

In respect to working, the ris-
ing generation appears to be fall
ing down.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Inasmuch as Ireland IL free, 1t
is quite natural that she should
go in for free-for-all fighting.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Origin OF species-the May
flower was the first ferryboat
making regular trips. -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Why is it that the girl who:
will dance for sixty hours always
wants to ride to the -theater ina
taxicab?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Another landscape artist is the
motorist who knocked down three
picket fences and a telephone
pole.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

The phrase, Getting away with
murder" seems to be Americas
leading contribution to the Eng.
Iish language.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Odd jobs-A life insurance agent
in Russia.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19
BELIEVE 1T?
By Les COnkIin.

On February. 20, 1923, a Boston
girl refused an invitation to the
theater because she had promised
her father that she would stay
home and clean up the backyard.
On September 81, 1922, a New
York card sharp split a $500 pot
with the other players because
the man on his right had forgot
ten to cut the cards.
On February 80, 1923, two old
maids went to q melodrama and
sat through the whole perform
ance without screaming.
woman asked a book agent to
mind the baby while she went
around the corner to buy some
groceries.
On December 20, 1441, the
mayor Of Chicago decided to fur
nish every worker in the street
cleaning department with a bot
tie of smelling salts.
On July 8, 1850, the President
Of Yale University presented each
member of the graduating class
with a cocktail shaker.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Married men are best risks,
says accident insurance official.
What more could happen to
them?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

E<TKYHAT is the charge
-" against this maM?"
demanded the judge
as Percival Poffenpfeffer was
dragged before the court.
Attempted arson" replied the
clerk. HE set fire to the house
OF Mr.. Cheatham, the real estate
agent"
Have you anything to say in
your defense?" Numbered the
Judge.
az certainly have, your Honor"
said Mr.. Poffenpfeffer. my wife
and saved up some money to
buy little bungalow in the coun-.
try, when this landshark got hold
Of us. He said this place was
beautiful country home in thriv-
ing suburb, but when we got
there it was so deserted that we
had to walk five miles to send
telegram to our nearest neighbor. ;"
you certainly are up against
IT." said the Judge, land could
hardly be blamed for doing what
you did. All / can say is that I
hope Mr.. Cheatem's house wasn't
insured"
"Good afternoon Sonny"
shouted Mr.. Jenkins as he en-
tered the front gate. Aren't you
glad to see me?"
"Sure I am" grinned little
Billy. But how is it that you
came home from work so early?"
''Why, the circus is in town,
Sonny, and / got the Afternoon off
50 could take you down to see
the clowns and the elephants.
II certainly would like to co."
said Billy, but / guess I'll have
to stay home and do these arith-
metic problems. The teachers
going to give a prize to the kid
who does the best work this week,
and I want to win it."
Don't let that worry you,''
said Mr.. Jenkins. "I'll, help you
with them tonight. Now get your
hat and coat and we'll run right
along
Look here" complained Mr..
Crabtree. 81 reserved the draw
ing room in this Pullman car and
now somebody's in itv'
I'm sorry, sir" apologized Con.
ductor Connolly, "a couple got
on at a way station and didn't
have any berth, SO 1 let them take
your compartment"
What's the idea?" demanded
Mr.. Crabtree. Throw 'em out"
well, you see they just got
married" explained the conduc.
tor, land they got so tired out
running away from the girl 8
father that I thought it would be
only right to let them have some
place where they could rest up"
"Oh, that's different" said Mr..
Crabtree. I'D just as soon stay
in the smoker anyway because a
friend gave me a box of new
cigars that. want to try ou..
Just let them stay where they
are"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Wall Street il full Of would-be
bull throwers.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

It doesn't do to be too progress
sive at open-grade crossings.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Man FORCES check recently to
buy wedding ring. Either way he
goes to jail.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Men never fight a duel over
girl any more. The ladies have
reserved the right to do all the
shooting themselves.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19
JUST III FUN

Solomon probably took all
those Wives to increase his in
come tax exemption.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

A book of etiquette is or little
help when your suspenders break
in the middle Of a dance floor.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

The way an onion hangs to the
breath they must be grown on
clinging vines.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

Colored minister refuses to let
his flock study arithmetic at
night school because they multi
ply to rapidly already.
Every one has loved somebody
oven If it is only himself.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19
AS THEY DO
IN UTOPIA
By Les COnklin.

E<TKYHAT is the charge
wv against this mani"
demanded the judge
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

When one considers John DIS
financial situation. it is difficult
to be insulted at being called an
coll cam
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19
THE WORLD WE
LIVE IN
BY Dave Sentner.

~ OP BULBUs. the weIl.known
hoctch trainer. says what's
- one mans poison IL an
other mans living.
A marriage license Is an official
charter for q debating society.
When one considers John D.;g
financial situation, it Is difficult
to be insulted at being called an
''oil cam
The way an onion hangs to the /
breath they must be grown on
clinging vines.
Man FORCES check recently to
buy wedding ring. Either way he
goes to jail.
The phrase. Getting away with
murder" seems to be Americas
leading contribution to the Eng
lish language.
Wall Street ID full Of would-be
bull throwers.
Inasmuch as Ireland IL free, 1t
is quite natural that she should
go in for free-for-all fighting.
Married men are best risks,
says accident insurance official
What more could happen to
them?
It doesn't do to be too progress
sive at open-grade crossings.
Origin OF species-the May
flower was the first ferryboat
making regular trips. 8
The only grounds for divorcing
a miser from his money are burial
grounds.
Odd jobs-A life insurance agent
in Russia. go
Birds disappearing. from city
: life, says naturalist. The chiI-
Gren's photographers haven't
heard about it.
Eddy Kett says some folks
save napkin bills by washing the
back of their hands.
The league Of nations has too
many umpires and not enough
players.
Most cheese at birth Il old
enough 10 vote.
Bill Grubb, the skyline philos-
opher, says some birds have an
awful draft running through from
ear to ear.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-05-19

~ OPP BULBUs. the weIl.known
hoctch trainer, says what's
one mans poison Il an.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
ONE-WAY STREETS IN PARK

With the increasing popularity of
Glen Park the suggestion of estab-
fishing one-way thoroughfares IS
especially opportune. Many picrtc
parties are being held there, and cars
are continually being driven over the
narrow, winding park roads.
There is not sufficient room for
two cars to pass with safety on the
greater part of these roads, and it is
really essential, if accidents are to
be prevented, that one-way system
be observed, or else the roadways
should be widened. The latter prop
osition would perhaps be more of an
an expense than tine city would care
to undertake at this time, and the
safety idea could just as well be car
ried out at the price of placing few
"Keep to the Right Signs" at the
proper points. 1t would also be a
good idea to have an ordinance which
would back the signs up with size
able fine for non-observance.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
| Or his part to fulfill his promise to

on his part to fulfill his promise to
attend.
Mr.. Bradley feels that his com
mittee Numbered in securing as
speaker of the day j. M. Kelly of
Baraboo, man with constructive
ideas, a man who has shown ability
not only to talk of better business
methods, but to actually put them
into execution. Mr.. Bradley goes
on to explain as follows:
Had we secured Toilette, Blaine
Coninlings, O'Haire, Shipstead or any
ether socialist with Grade against
railroads, bankers, manufacturers,
any class who were using business
methods in their management who
would have told the farmers their
only relief was in laws that would
reduce freight rates and at the
same time raise the wages OF the
men; laws that would shift the bur-
den of taxes from the farmer to
some other fellow, but with no
thought of economy in the public
expenses; who would have told them
they must hook up with the labor
Unions for the eight hour day and
vote the Farm Labor ticket if they
would save their bacon. Yes, if this
committee had possessed as much
sense as a Jack-Ass they would
have had such a speaker and would
have had as big crowd as went to
hear Blaine at Balsaln Lake but were
disappointed. Blaine evidently did
not ti.ink it worth while to come, as
he figured he would get their vote
anyway, and he will. LaFollette
will fix it up for him.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
Subscription $500 Per Year

we opposed the practice of letting
women drive cars, but our mail to-
day contained an epistle scoring us
for just such an attitude, and inform
ing us that "the average lady driver
is a darn site more careful of pedes-
trains than nine-tenths of the men
drivers, and a great deal more
'gentlemanly' when driving out on
country roads"
Verify, we subscribe to that senti-
ment, and heartily. In our own APP
premiership at the wheel we can't re-
call any vision of feminine lowell
ness careening her car from curb to
curb while she ducked beneath the
dash to light cigar or cigarette.
Nor is it in our recollection that any
lady driver ever made us swerve into
the ditch as she Unanswered an en-
ratio course with one arm in spoony
embrace about the neck of her COM
panion.
Also, to the best of our knowledge
and belief, we never had a fender
bent by a female "souse" trying to
guide her car between three machines
when in fact there was only one APP
preaching. We have yet to expert
ence from lady ''choffs" the brand Of
courtesy which prompts some drivers
to speed past on dusty roads with
cut-outs open for the mere pleasure
of being mean or showing off.
AS to the plant that women
drivers close their heads" in an emer-
gency, we have had no experience
upon which to base comment, but if
they do close their heads" they can
lay no particular claim to distinction
on that account, for in that respect
the male is just as deadly as his mate.
1t is a sort of habit for US males
to remark "that's the woman driver
of it" when lady driver does par
ticipate in an accident CT near-ac-
cident, but it strikes us that close
survey of the average would show
that the ladies have even more cause
to say, "Well, what could you expect,
mere man was driving.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
HOOPSKIRT EXPLANATIONS

The iokesmiths of Wisconsin's one
tenth-of- one percent efficient legis-
lature are now "back from the
front" telling how it all happened,
or, to be more exact, explaining why
nothing happened in one of the
states longest sessions.
Hoopskirt explanations, most of
them, circling the subject broadly,
hut never touching it. Forming
political pools, or, rather, whole
flock of political puddles, has been
the chef indoor recreation of these
noble, patriotic champions of the
peoples rights. The great effort
has been to get good, solid berth on
the fright" political wagon, and to
blow lusty horn where the blowing
would attract the most attention
from influential quarters. 1t was a
fruity game, for it accomplished
nothing in the line of legislation, and
therefore no one can criticize the
legislature for what it has done.
Every measure that came up was
tossed about, III and out of commit
tees, on and off the floor, amended
and re-amended, and amendments
killed and revived and killed again,
until every individual record is
camouflaged beyond recognition. If
you favor the basic idea of any
measure, your representative can
prove to you by the record that he
voted for it; if you are not in favor
of it he can and will use the record
to prove that he was utterly opposed
to it. Butterflies, were they, more
or less gracefully Hopping from
flower to flower, finally to come to
rest upon a manure pile.
Somewhere in each broad pre-
cinct of Wiconsin there must be men
capable of understanding and further
ing the spirit of cooperation, farmers
who can see that city laborers exist
and must live; laborers who realize
their dependence upon the farm;
merchants, bankers, lawyers, who
know that success depends upon
general and genial cooperation
with all other classes. It's up to
Wisconsin to single out such men and
install them in place of the narrow
minded machine politicians who have
been swirled into office on a venge-
full wave of class-hatred and discon-
tent.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
CAUSE AND EFFECT

The Legislature proposes the ap-
pointment of special committee 20
investigate as to the number OF
feeble-minded people in the state.
Such committee could spend little
time around the legislature to ad-
vantage. But why think there are
more back home like those at Madi-
BLACK River Falls Journal.
It's not such bad idea, that com
mittee, Bro. Hull. Our Statesmen"
must have realized that their session
would drive enough people back
home into feeblemindedness to war
rant count And if the minds of
their constituents are completely
blank these legislators may feel more
assured of reelection.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
BRADLEY ADMITS BLUNDER

w. C. Bradley, well known con.
tributor to the st. Croix Valley
press, was one of the committee pro-
noting the dairy picnic at Hudson
June 80. He was somewhat disap-
pointed over the small attendance as
compared with that at the Balsam
Lake picnic a week or SO previous.
when 10000 people turned out, pre-
sumably to hear Blaine, who appar-
artly didn't think it worth any effort
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
CLASSIFIED ADS.
LOST

Lost-At Twin Lakes, bathing
bag containing beaded hand bag
Finder please notify this office or
call phone 498, River Falls. Reward.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
MISCELLANEOUS FOR SALE

For Sale-Second hand hay loader.
Priced low for quick sale. A. w.
Lund Co.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
FOUND
WANTED

Wanted-To rent four rooms for
light housekeeping, must be ni,dern
and heated. Address Mrs. w. H.
Guiser, Route 2, Box 81, Spring Val
ley, Wis
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12

1000 ohm Phones, $500; Federal
Standard Phones, $500; WD-11 tubes,
$3.50; C-301-A Improved amplifier and
detector, $3.50; Aerial wire 100 f.,
Soc; Brach Lightning Arrestor, $500;
Insulators, zoe. Standard parts for
those who wish to build their own
radio also in stock. Alf Rasmussen,
phone 421, River Falls. Wis.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12

For Sale-My Residence on corner
of 4th and Union Streets, ON very
easy terms, $4,000 down and $500
per month. Don't pay rent when
you can get bargain like this.
Phone ZIG, III. B. Vlieland.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12

For Sale-Good 8 room house with
electric lights and lots, on corner Of
Fourth and Division st. Inquire at
321 f. Division St., or phone 437,
River Falls, Wis.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12

Many of those who woke up ca the
morning of the fifth with a bad taste
in their mouths probably felt thar
there was perhaps more truth than
childish fancy in the old belief that
the "moon" is made of green
cheese.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
RADIO

Premier SIS. Regenerative Radio
Receiver. Large "B" batteries, $500;
Small "B" batteries, SITS; Murdoch
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12

the West. Register new with Miss
Easher Osen, Stenographcr. River
Falls, Wisconsin.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
HOUSES FOR SALE

For SaIe.-10-1oom modern house
and lot, on West Side, near High
School, Corner of Maple and Lewis
streets. Mrs. Henrietta Carroll.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
THE WOMAN AT THE WHEEL

For the life of US we can't see
where anyone ever got the idea that
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1923-07-12
ROOMS FOR RENT

Rooms For Rent-Furnished rooms
for man and wife, OF for girls. In
quire at 103 West Cascade ave.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1923-09-13
ARTIC EXPLORER DIES
IN THE FAR NORTH
Leader of Relief EXPEDITION Re-
turns-Found All of Party
Dead, Except One

Nome, Alaska.-An expedition
which left here August to relieve a
party led by Alan Crawford, which
sailed to Wrangell Island October 9,
1920, returned to Nome with the news
that all of the Crawford party except
one were dead. The one person left
alive was an Eskimo woman.
Harold Noice, leader of the relief
expedition, reported that he found lit
tie ice and had no trouble in reaching
the island in the power schooner Don
aldson.
Three Americans and one Canadian
were at the head of the Crawford ex-
pedition. Members Of the party were:
Allan Crawford, son of Prof. Craw-
ford, of Toronto University leader of
the expedition; Frederick Maurer of
Akron, o.; E. L. knight of McMinn-
Vile, Ore, and Milton Gale of New
Braunfels, Tex.
The party, with Wrangell Island as
its objective, made the fifth expedi-
ton started by Wilhjalmur Stefans-
son, discoverer Of the blond Eskimo.
The island, north OF Siberia, is about
500 miles west of Point Barrow, north
ernmost tip of Alaska.
The men expected to stay in the Far
North for two or three years, map
ping the underlined northern bounda-
ries of Wrangell Island and gathering
other scientific data. The expedition,
wholly financed by Stefansson was
composed of Crawford, the three
Americans and four Eskimos, only one
OF whom is reported alive. They
sailed in the auxiliary sloop Silver
Lake
Gale, the Texas man. was a novice
as an explorer, and had never been In
the Far North. He had previously ac-
companied Stefansson on several lee
ture tours.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1923-09-13
Also Wounds Mayor at Home
OF eStraneed Wife-Neiqh.
bOr Woman Also Shot
TRIES DYNAMlTlNG HIS HOME
West Virginia Miner Separated From
Wife, Goes To Her Home and
Shoots His Daughter
Through the Heart.

Falrmont, w. Va. Mrs. Lettie
Fletcher OF Pennington and William
Shanes Of Jamisson No mine are
dead and Mrs. May Ramage and A.
G.. Fisher. mayor OF Pennington, are
in serious condition in a local hos
pital as result OF William Shanes
running amuck at Pennington.
Going to the Fletcher home at
Pennington, where his wife is said to
have resided since he was separated
from her, according to the report
given out by the authorities, he shot
his daughter, Mrs. Lettie Fletcher.
through the heart When Mayor
Fisher tried to arrest him he shot
him three times about the body.
Shanes then went to the porch of his
home at the Jamisson mine and start
ed firing promiscuously, wounding
Miss Ramage, who was standing on
the porch of house nearby He then
killed himself with shot from a re-
volver, after trying, without result.
to set off charge of dynamite in his
home.
1t is reported at the hospital that
the extent of the injuries of the
wounded cannot be ascertained until
after the X-ray examinations.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1923-09-13
Disease and Famine Breaks
Out Dead Bodies PolIute
Water in Many Towns
FOOD SUPPLY VERY SCARCE
In Spite of Temporary Relief Meas
ures, the Food Supply for
Millions is Wholly
Inadequate.

Kobe, Japan.-The horror district
or Japan is one CHASTITY inferno.
Thousands and thousands of unbur-
led corpses lie rotting and decaying in
hundreds of cities, towns and villages
laid waste and desolate with fatal
thoroughness by the most horrible
convulsion of nature ever recorded in
the history OF man.
Earthquake, fire and tidal wave
Joined their death-dealing powers and
in one OF the most fearful and gigan-
tic assaults imaginable, have devas-
tated over 10000 square miles of the
fairest portion OF Japan.
Added to this appalling tragedy,
pestilence, plague, disease and famine
have made their horrible appearance
in the stricken area as reports of an
outbreak of cholera, dysentery and
yellow fever combined with an acute
food shortage in and around Toxic
and Yokohama.
In spite of temporary relief meas
ures, the food supply for millions Of
homeless in the disaster zone Is
wholly inadequate and stark famine
threatens to add to the general horror.
Toxic and Yokohama, as well as
scores Of smaller cities and hundreds
of villages and hamlets, are desolate
piles Of charred ruins filled with dead
Half a million will be the unques-
tionable toll of dead and injured
throughout the stricken area. One
hundred thousand dead are reported
in Yokohama alone. while $4,000 per-
ished in Toxic
Yokosuka, on 0f Japans greatest
naval bases, was virtually wiped off
the map by exploding stores of am
munition. The destruction of this
base is great blow to Japan's ma
tional defense.
Relief work is proceeding very
slowly on account of the terrible con-
fusion which prevails throughout the
horror area. Whatever food supplies
reach the millions of suffering and
half starved refugees are gone before
even half of the sufferers are attend
ed to.
All roads leading from Toxic and
Yokohama are filled with hundreds Of
thousands of benumbed refugees who
are utterly hapless. Women and chill
dren are suffering hardships almost
beyond human endurance.