Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1923-05-04


open drawers.
She had gone about doing this In
a trepidation of haste, as a child des-
perately hastens who has been threat
ened by its parents with being left
behind. And hurrying, she had been
crying; sobs had sounded in this lone
ly room as she hurried.
Finally, to a larger burst of woe,
coming probably from some last small
straw (perhaps one of her shoes had
refused to button, or some hook had
been found without an eye, or some
ribbon had slipped back into its
sheath), she had thrown herself across
the bed to give way, altogether uncon-
troiled- And weeping thus, had fallen
asleep.
Standing here, his eyes upon this
past scene which he saw so well, Peter
remembered that which he ever prom
ised himself to remember and which
ever he forgot. That she was a child.
After all, but a child.
AS In the days when she had waited
for him at the stile, SO now she was
child. The rest-the robust matron's
ready, almost rough assurance; its
firm contempt for all that which was
haze, and halo and opalescence and not
core-all that was mere front. She
was child
He should remember that always. OF
course, he should always remember 1t.
pQfQr Ia nv hfo r1yffn and
found her hot lips, and awakened her;
she clutched at him convulsively.
They murmured together. I'm sor-
ry Peter; I'm sorry"
Then later: Peter, you do so mad
den me at times, dear. With your airs
no, don't mean that But you do
shut the door upon me, Peter-you do
Shut me out so much -
Still later: "And, Peter, you are Of
those that like the flowers but not the
gardening.
polished floors, but not the polish
ing"
81 know, dear. I know"
"Peter, listen: I am of the earth.
accept You're always somewhere
up above"
Il know, dear. Not far above.
either. A fool place, in between. I
know"
Il accept I am getting old Ey-
eryone does, Peter. 1 am willing to
grow old"
She whispered now. "Peter-rm
even willing to der
He pressed her closer, but the old
desolate helplessness had come back.
you, Peter-you are such a rebel.
Peterl How you shut your eyes and
fight Trying to hold what cannot be
held. And hating me because can't.
For I can't, Peter, 1 can'tI'
This a child? A strange child No
"a child. Since in children was wis
dom. Was this wisdom? A spasm Of
revolt frightened his heart.
But she was weeping now, softly,
against his breast He regathered her
in his arms, and with this gesture felt
q new large tenderness fill him. A
tenderness which was not only for her,
but for many others-for the whole
world. The whole poor purblind peer
ing world which could not see straight,
which could not see clear, which suf-
fered dimly, in a sort OF vague hot
delirium.
Near the end of the day, Peter stood
once more alone in the garden. For
what had passed in the afternoon. he
felt something like embarrassment,
slight distaste, that strange revulsion
we feel whenever we have made the
gesture of plumbing life's emotional
depths. AS If there were something
wrong about it, something unnatural
as if life were meant to be lived al
together on the surface, carefully on
the surface
He felt the need Of levity. That is
what, perhaps, made him remember
the ants; the ants which had been the
beginning of the afternoon.
A slight breeze, rutf1ing the pool.
had pushed together the dust, the ants
and the eggs in a pitiful dead huddle
against a bank.
where did they come in?' he asked
himself.
He and his wife had this day made
one of those complete circles which.
as If by some natural law, required
almost at certain intervals. From |
state of hostility into which they had
slipped. through a crisis, to renewed
yentleness of each other. They were
happy once more, Daisy and he. But
what about the ants? Where did
they come in7 II was over their backs
this had happened. They had paid
FOR 1t. Didn't they count at all?
An Idea came TO him. He raised
lis face TO the skies.
Whenever he did this, sensuous
painter that he was. he was much
more apt TO visualize the old familiar
creek deities than any more abstract,
single and terrible god. So he did
his time.
A fog had come In from the sea II
made a low floor OF the heavens, and
~ that floor Peter Imagined tbe gods
N..fa IIaru fla urInIa gaI- ]