davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-02-18
: By "BUGS" BAER

So pop took his meal off the hook and it fitted him very
well He also got nice order Of silk asparagus of
umbrella stand It had pearl tip and any time pop
reading the spectacles fell off his when he
to the Lost and Found column.
Uncle Ben didn't hold that job very long, because the
proprietor said to him. Was ordinary waiter your
last job3" .... ,.>s.. .s%. 49,.
Uncle Ben turned proud then. He said 'sNo was In
charge of all the walters was the captain"
The said, $50 Kidd"
:>@::<.t..
So Uncle Ben home and sad "Pop. It's your turn
to get job a waiter >"@.-
Pop got job the restaurant and Uncle Ben went
in there to eat and in and hung furned
overcoa and Uncle ordered double-breaste omelet
The proprietor down and said, emo doubebreasted
omeets We're all out of eggs but two And those two
going out now.''
And they did.
Good-by. Call again some time when you re homesck.
tcopsright. 1sa. Star Company 4
The Washington times., 1923-02-18
THE TAXPAYERS FRIEND : By GEORGE ABE

IN OF Year the Candidate who
has made powerful Ante II the
only Mortal who Il dead sure that
there 10 going to - "a EleCtfon.
The general run Of the Fuhlio
was reading about the latest Jersey
staying and watching the price 81
Coal, 90 that when the LabOring
Mans Friend began his Canvass
he was appalled, a4 the General
Apathy.
The very Foundations of our
blood-bought institutions were be-
ing undermined " the loaths0me
Opposition. and no one seemed %
care d Continental.
When the Popular Choice FOR
County Treasurer appeared ct .
Hail to make IN addressing show
ing how . Bonus Tor our Brave
Boys would BE- passed II only ne
could land 90 County Treasurer he
would lind about . dozen FslIOw-
Citizens without Overcoats VINO nau
come In 20 get Warm.
He would arise and declare al
Wealth belonged to the Common
People. but he never explained to
the Boys how they could 30 out
that Same Evening and set therr
Part Of It.
Although the great Body Of
Voters were Indifferent and failed
to Register, one Fact was most en-
couraging to the Candidate.
{ From the First TO the East Of
his Campaigning. every Voter he
met was with him ana with him
Strong. He could not find anyone
who was In favor Of the corrupt
and mercenary Antagonist.
So he figured that. although the
Vote would be light. he would get
about Ninety-eight per cent Of II.
The Election was almost as ex-
citing as a Quaker Meeting. Now
and then some one sauntered up to
q Polling Place and went back
into the Pantry and marked his
Ballot, and then dug out
It was useless to hand out Two
Dollar Bills in the interest Of Good
Government, because there was no
way Of keeping Tab.
Two Men, seven Boys, and one
Candidate waited at Headquarters
for the Returns.
About 10 p. N. the Benefactor
who had drawn Pictures Of himself
sitting In the Leather Chair learned
that he had been showed good
He went away crushed by the
Public Calamity. and wondering
why he was the only Person ON
earth who had been willing to labor
for the General Good.
Next morning the Sun came mp
as Usual. On that bright. crisp
Day Of Indian Summer the only
one who remembered anything
about an Election was q blear-eyed
man looking over the Stubs Of his
Check Book.
MORAL n tho Off-Year OAnal-
date keeps quies, no ono WIN know
he has bocn Licked.
Copyright. 1854. BY Ben syndseasGS iae.l
The Washington times., 1923-02-18
TIE FAMILY ALBUM

"MLO. Come right In and make yourself homev
Supper isn't ready yet But it will be just as soon
you go.
Pop he amt going have beef and cabbage for
because all the neighbors think smells
invitations.
The last tme had kppered mburger croquettes there
was convention Of appees house for days.
pop the next doormat he buys, you'll to use
microscope to read the welcome it.
Nom said, you're awful stingy with my cooking I'm
the who gets the winter from kitchen stove
Pop said Stingyf How about that limbernosed father
OF yoursf de ate many a worm in chestnut Anything
that wasn't nailed down q souvenir to him.
Nom said ''He philanthrophist He was So rich
they called him the Rock Of Gibraltar
Pop laughed on both sides Of his bridgework at that
Pop said, Rock Of Gibraltar is right. Try and chip
some off,"
Nom said He used to give money to every hospital
Pop said. "And he filled 'em with his customers
The Washington times., 1923-02-18
BY 0. 0. MCINTYRE

determined EngaishmAn. He %
even laughter than Laurence
D'0rsay. You should gaze upon
his spats and great coat. O. my
wOrdI
The theater world has had its
tragedies this season. One Of the
fairest Of the younger stars-a
vibrant Southern girl-has lost en-
gagement after engagement as the
result Of her love for liquor. So
riotous has become her behavior
that one hotel freQuented by the
atrical people has informed her
that her presence In the dining
room IL unwelcome.
Another leading lady II In .
Connecticut sanitarium, fighting
off the grip Of drug addiction.
Glenn Hunter is giving one Of
the finest performances In town
In Merton Of the Movies" Here
IL q young man who - destined
for big things. II he keeps UP his
present pace.
George Conan has one play that
he wrote and produced this sea-
son. A year ago he had quit. But
his little Nellie Kelly IL run.
ming along nicely at the Liberty.
Wealthy debauches who frequent
the theater have been attracted
by q young eighteen-year-old girl
with. straight bobbed hair who IS
appearing in a musical comedy.
She II said to have hooked three
Of them for automobiles count
'ern, three-and lives peacefully
with her mother In the wflds Of
New Jersey.
She IL said to be the most ac-
complished 'vamp since Peggy
Whatsername.
The thigh yaller' shows are on
the decline. Only one negro per-
Torrance Is on the boards.
But. Of course, there IL Florence
Mills In q cabaret who brings so
ciety to her dusky feet. She is to
be transported to London in q
revue this spring. She is a Har-
lem girl and quite the idol Of the
Black Belt. Cafes up there are
named after her and a new apart
ment house 10 to be called 1.-THE
Florence Mills"
The Ostermoor drama has be-
come passe. There isn't a play
with q bedroom scene running just
now.
It has been q profitable season
in the theater, and, II the theater
is any barometer of business con-
ditiOns, business every day in
every way is getting better and
better.
There have been many failures,
but the cause was due directly to
bad plays. Any show that has q
wallop rings the bell and gathers
In the shekels.
This 10 true Of vaudeville as
wen a. the legitimate theater and
burlesque.
(Copyr1gnt, 1855, By The McNaughG
Syndicate, 11o>O
The Washington times., 1923-02-18

~ NEE thefo was . Man wne
belonged 70 al the Secret
~ Orders and looked Ike On
Irtshnaan and had . German
Name and employed . lot Of
Swede Help. 20 he received the
Nomination for County Treasurer.
He was nominated the night
before the COnvsntion by . large,
freckled Mind-Reader who knew
what the People wanted before
they found Il out for Themselves.
He couldn't have becn elected
Constable On his own Hook. 90 he
had q Record that included Grave.
Robbtng. Brace Faro. and Second
Story Work.
So the only thing left for him
to do in Politics was 60 name the
Candidates and then, II the Com
bination went through. Get first
whack at the Contracts and put
all Of his Hgh-Binder0 On the
Pay-RoII.
He was editoriaI1y roasted, but,
Just the same. when q Represen-
tative Citizen wanted to run for
anything he found Il advisable to
go around and place himself
Right with the frogfaced Boss.
He was q Modest Man, was the
C6mpaigner with the Eighteen
inch Neck. He did not ask 70
have his Picture on any Trans
parencies.
When q cut-and dried Pro.
gramme was being pulled off, no
never made any Speeches from
the Platform.
II he had anything 20 nay he
said It In Q husky Whisper and
up an Alley.
All Of his Spouting was done
by Proxy, for he had on his Staff
several Tourteen-karat Lawyers,
each Of whom hoped to be States
Attorney some Day when the
Voters were not looking.
This eminent Disciple Of the
String Game was the one who
picked out the Candidate for
County Treasurer.
There was another Agparant
who had q Petition signed by
1900 Property Owners, but when
It came to q showdown at the
Primaries he had only seventeen
votes. and eight Of these were
thrown out by the Judges because
ono Of the would.be Delegates
had his Name misspelled.
Which shows what can be done
to the Independent when he tries
TO- buck the Machine.
Tho Candidate for County
Treasurer yielded to the en-
treaties Of his Friends and per-
nitted the use OF his Name as
soon as he had it figured out to
himself that by freezing on to
tho Interest on Public Funds he
could rake off about 10000 Louies
Per AnnCm.
Az soon a. the free and untram-
nnelled Convention had named
h1m ~ AcclRnAation, he fought
The Washington times., 1923-02-18
THEATRICAL TIPS
vEW YoRK 10 Offering .
! wids rAnse Of playa this

= i . =
~~EW YoHW IL offring .
- III ia. ranna az ulaya this
IN .a.anu5 Thare In some
mir - uaease . wide range Of
tastes. frurn the tragic unosneHts
a. tha 1Goscow Ar Theater 70
sf11s Du1foOnnxy oT The EoIlies-
~ TIA WuFlinm. ~ tlse Why, is conf
s4aefinw m lcugest run On Broad
- a.a MN f,nfah an q yeax
-. !, zs~~w. over the tam. Of fis
I~~.ndar coIIax. says he VIII never
aeua hfs preduct1on On the rUad
smrsan. @
1uastnx frum box offics- Eeo-
snren. tine most. popular plays In
Hnwn are '-The oad SCa1k." 'sRa1n."
.Fhe Fool," ana the Moscow
plavern.
Maud Fuitea, who used to
sNsnes po daIiehtfuIIy- in vaude-
WIS Win wullam Rock, 81 star
49, A her own play.
sesTrank Tinnay.. the comedian,
Naa caossa In hfs sh0s. He ana
has manager, Arthur Hammer
@akean. hnv6 been battling In the
rauvwuauarn auA the quarrel has
sbean taken before the Producing
Afanaaers Association. Tinney,
- fxauuu.erstein AYERS, has been
Navustnm himself too much TO the
ra.h Of pleasure. why shouldn't
81 comedian Be happy9
one az the interesting things
IN the thsater Theses days IL the
aewv uawna that players and
efnneua ssrIs are taking. In one
l;rna.scti0n I esa there - = Miss
T1n~la. Area5rn ara Mis- Valerie
vaHaara. And IN . 10Y riding
e,masia-un In CeutraI PARK the
ass,ar uf6st fR1rea ckorde Girls
ave their names At the hos
nitsa N Bunny Bunnas, aGalcrs
Manoon and Octavia Octette.
"sfx Chaxacferv In Search Of
an Authnr" afiH nansn an. Rara
On = raav urnA,,cad ,nu t,,a xo,,n~
~ Hroc,r par,hartc,, th.4 toorad
a. a. n -w certusu mr. rairsa
war.housa. Bot Mr. Peuuberton
The Washington times., 1923-02-18

)THING stays put in nature or hui
man nature. Hardly anything sur
wives today in primeval form. The
first forests of the earth are now its
fuel. The iguana, reputed to be one
remaining primordial type, is a
pygmy par0dy of the terrifying
lizards which slOuched through an
Gent Ooze.
Rains are unear4hed only 60 dis
The Washington times., 1923-02-18

op laughed on both sides Of his bridgework at that
The Washington times., 1923-02-18

Nom said, "He was philanthrophist. He was so
they called him the Rock Of Gibraltar
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
ADVERTISEMENT.
SALTS FINE FOR
ACHING KIDNEYS
When Back Hurts Flush
Your Kidneys With
lad Salts.

Most folks forget that the kid
neys, like the bowels, sometimes
get sluggish and clogged and need
a flushing occasionally, else we
have backache and dull misery in
the kidney region, severe headaches.
rheumatic twinges, torpid liver, acid
stomach, sleeplessness and all sorts
Of bladder disorders.
You simply must keep your kid
neys active and clean and the mo-
ment you feel an ache or pain in
the kidney region begin drinking
lots of water. Also get about four
ounces of Jad Salts from any good,
drug store here, take tablespoon
full in a glass water before break
fast for few days and your kid
neys will then act fine. This
famous salts is made from the acid
Of grapes and lemon juice, combin-
ed with lithia, and Is intended to
flush clogged kidneys and help slim
ulate them to activity. 1t also
helps neutralize acids so they no
longer irritate, thus helping to re-
lieve bladder disorders.
Jad Salts is inexpensive; makes
a delightful efferVescent lithia water
drink which everybody should take
now and then to help keep their
kidneys clean.
A well-known local druggist says
he sells lots of Jad Salts to folks
who believe in trying to correct
kidney trouble while it Is only trou-
BILE. BY all means have your ply
sician examine your kidneys at
least twice year,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
THESP|ANS At Tech
TO PRESENT COMEDY
Midsummer Magic Basis of
Plot of 1.-THE Road to
Yesterday"

Midsummer eve magic IL the basis
Of the plot in 1.-THE Road to Yes
terday," the romantic comedy to
be presented by Mckinley Manual
Training School students in Central
High school auditorium, on Feb
ruary % and "a and en- March 2
and 8.
The heroine Of the play, young
American girl, experiments with the
efficacy Of q midsummer ewes
wish, and finds herself and her
friends in the early days Of the
seventeenth century.
Two casts will alternate in the
performances. The part Of Elspeth,
the heroine, is taken by Ruth Rus
sell and Virginia Pryor.
Other performers are Helen
Roeder and Martha Norton IS Har-
riet Phelps; John DAILY and Joseph
Heinrich, as Jack Greatorex; Olive
Barbee and Kathryn Keep, as
Malena: Helen Welton ami Mildred
Volandt, as Eleanor; John Schellhaus
and James Graves, rs Ken; Frances
Carrick and Marian Brown, as
Dolly; Louise Rose and Helen Pat.
terson, as Nora: Edward Denison
and Preston Mcdonald, as VIII
Leveson; James WhiSnan and John
Hay, as Adrian Tompkins; John
Dickens, Thomas O'Connor, Harold
Denison and John Garner. as
guards, and Fred Linton as the
vicar,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
G. u. Foreign Service
Men Get Together

Future opportunities Of the men
who graduate from the Georgetown
University School Of Foreign Serv-
ice and the progress and plans of
the endowment campaign were
discussed by the Rev. w. Coleman
Nevils, regent Of the school at a
Get-to-gether dinner at the Franklin
Square Hotel Tuesday night.
Short speeches were made by
Baron Serge Korff and W. s. Gull
bertson. Richard 8. Harvey acted
as POSTMASTER.
The following members attended:
Thomas H. Healy. secretary Of the
school; Raymond M. Peak, r. J.
Cunningham, D. Witt Green, o. p.
Hazard. w. J. McManus. e. A.
Lelacheur, J. H. Matter, ". w.
Powers, N. s. Fridinger, r. Fiksdal,
r. B. Heenan, e. c. Laughlin, I.
c. Cox, J. Window, T. Montgomery,
w. L. Peters, N. L. Soleau, jr.,
E. J. Ranney, e. H. Wander @. II.
Miner, J. w. Falk, G.. L. Hunt, N.
C. Stow, e. fernando, r. G. Long,
F. B. Curran, M. P. O'Sullivan, A.
J. Poirier, J. B. Foster, E. A. Nash,
r. J. Kelley, c. Buoy and H. c.
German.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
PE7NORTH To HEAR
BALLOU ON SCHOOLS
Neighborhood Bodies Prepare
for Joint Meeting Tues
day Night.

School betterment win be dis
cussed by Superintendent F. w.
BallOu at q mass meeting In the
auditorium Of the Petworth Meth
odist Church, next Tuesday night,
under the Joint auspices Of the Pet
worth Citizens Association, the
Home and School Association and
the Women's Club.
Due to the lack Of an auditorium
in the PetwoFth School, 1t was
necessary to obtain other quarters,
DR.. J. A. Murphy, medical in.
spector of public schools, Is to adj
dress the gathering On the proven
ton Of the spread OF school cpl.
denies.
DR.. o'Rourke, psychological re.
search expert, is TO tell the citizens
Of the value of mental tests. Con.
gress is to be represented by a
notable speaker. Group singing will
be conducted under the Ieadership
Of Miss Louise Wood.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
STUDENTS At c. /. s.
PLAN SPRING PLAY
twelfth Night" Selected As
Vehicle for Annual Stage
Production.

Twelfth Night is to be presents
ed by students Of Central High
School as their spring play, In the
Central auditorium on March 10.
16, % and "a
Miss Sybil Baker is directing the
production. Assisting her on scenic
effects are Mrs. Kirk, Mr.. Rath-
bern, Miss Jessie Baker, Miss Kath-
crime Sunny and Miss Griggs,
members Of the faculty.
Mary Asquith has been elected
editor-in-chief of Central's 1929
year book, THE Brecky." Associ-
ate editors are Francis Walker.
Dorothy Eynon, Eugene Casey and
Helen Surfgent. The staff was
elected by an editorial committee
Of the senior class.
The Central Review announces a
short story inquest to stimulate
writing for that publication. Five
pounds of candy are offered as
prizes. The contest is free from
rules, except that stories must be
submitted before March 5.
Four girls won the co. in the
first prize swimming meet Of the
season, in the Central pool. They
are Rozelle Jet, Gertrude Sanders,
Alice Ranch and Augusta Goover.
Marie Casassa and Beatrice Cole
were highest among those who
failed to attain the &C."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
R|FLEMEN
DEFEAT MASS. TEAM
Georgetown Shots to Meet
Drexel Institute, Hard
Rival, This Week.

Without a defeat to it's record,
the Georgetown r. o. T.. C. rifle
team is setting a hot pace in the
intercollegiate matches arranged
under auspices of the National
Rifle Association. During the past
week, the Hilltoppers humbled the
crack team representing the Massa-
chusetts Institute of Technology,
considered one of the best aggrega-
ton OF collegiate shots in the East.
The score was 992 to 9S6.
r. c. Mccain, member Of the
second Georgetown team, broke all
records by firing perfect scores in
DO h prone and sitting positions,
while other Georgetown men, G. j.
G. Guilfoyle, w. C. Saffarans and
J z. usseIl. fired perfect scores
in at least one Of the positions.
During the coming week, the
"'ue and Gray team will meet
Drexel Institute, one of its hardest
opponents. Lafayette and Harvard
were beaten by the local team in
previous matches. The athletic
letter &c" is awarded the members
of the rifle team competing in the
final intercollegiate contest. If the
Hilltop keeps up it's present record,
the chance of developing a cham
pionship team is regarded by Major
William III. Hobson, u. S. A, COM
mandant, as excellent.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
Eastern Alumni
Plans Excursion

Eastern High Schools alumni be-
lieve In looking ahead-far ahead.
April and June functions are under
consideration.
Plans are complete for a house
warming at the new school, April IL.
It IL intended that, following a
stated program, the alumni will be
taken through the building on a tour
Of inspection. B. G. Foster, presi.
dent Of the association, is in charge
Of arrangements.
1t has been decided also to hold
the annual excursion at Chesapeake
Beach on June 15.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
us. CITIZENSHIP DAY.
PROPOSED BY VETS.
Foreign War Body Gives Ten
Reasons for Observing
Such an Occasion.
PLAN ANTl-HYPHEN DRIVE
Members Pledge Crusade for.
Laws to Compel Nat
uralizati0n.
PLAN ANTI-HYPHEN DRIVE

Ten reasons for holding a national
Americanization Day were outlined
at q meeting last week of the Off
GERS and executive committeeman OF
National Capital Post 1877, Veterans
OF Foreign Wars. They are:
/. To make America better for
Americans and make Americans bet.
ter for America. Americans means
the people Of the United States.
2. To commence with the school
children and inculcate true patrito.
ism within them.
3. To teach the young and train
the young to believe in the principles
for which our ancestors fought and
for which they made sacrifices.
4. To make an effort to revise
school textbooks on American his
tory to conform with our sincere
belief In the worthy traditions Of
our ancestors.
s. To make our citizenship desira-
BILE and eliminate the undesirable
alien.
s. To protect and substantially
maintain our American industries.
z. To protect American ideals and
foster the principles laid down by the
signers OF the Declaration Of Inde-
pendence.
s. To support the Constitution OF
the United States and avail ourselves
Of its protection.
3. To keep our public schools
clean, pure and free from politics
and matters sectarian.
10. To train our citizens for USE
full peace-t1me vocations and the pur-
suit Of happiness at the same time
reminding them Of the necessary
noeds Of preparedness.
PLAN REUNION.
Plans for a reunion Of former
members OF the Thirty.seventh Di-
'ision were drawn by Commander
Val N. Brandon and Senior Vice
Commander J. b. Gardella. Infor-
nation as to the reunion will be sup
piled veterans Of the division at flu
ture meetings Of the post. which
will take place in g. A. r. hall, on.
the first and third Fridays Of each
month.
The meeting indorsed the move
meTlt for community chest as pro-
posed by Department Commander
Anton Stephen. The chairman of
the entertainment committee, George
J. Neuner, submitted to the depart
ment commander suggestion that
the celebrat ton of the fourth anniver-
sary Of the birth Of the v. r. W., be
coupled with the celebration of Ma
tional Americanization Day.
PLEDGE WORK.
The Veterans of Foreign Wars are
pledged to do everything possible to
eliminate the hyphen in organizations
composed Of residents and citizens in
the United States: to bring about
universal use in this country of the
English language, and to have legis.
lation enacted under which aliens
either viii have to become citizens
or leave the country.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
GEORGETOWN
A v SCHOOL,
HONORS GOULD
Executives Hope Plans Will Be
Complete by Anniversary of
Death, May 20
ALUMNI ASKED TO AID
Father Nevis to Leave for Trip
to Chicago and Pittsburgh
on Endowment Work

Plans are being made to estab-
Hsh in the Georgetown University
School of Law the Ashley Null
grave Gould professorship Of the
: law of contracts, to perpetuate
the memory of the late Justice
Gould of the District Supreme
Court in the school from which he
graduated and where he taught
for over twenty years.
APPEAL TO ALUMNI.
The executive committee Of the
Georgetown Endowment Association
Is appealing to alumni and mem.
bers of the District Bar Association
to make 1t possible to announce
the establishment Of the Gould pro-
censorship before the second ami.
versary Of his death, May 90, next.
ITO Georgetown law school men,
Judge Gould is more than q law
professor" reads the appeal. HE
is one of the forces which hold
them firmly to all that is finest in
their recollections of the school.
His delightful humor, his insight
and sympathy with the student
point Of view, his unequalled grasp
of legal principles and his long ex-
perience in their application made
up a personality of unusual charm.
1t is our privilege to keep alive his
memory in a way that would have
been most dear to him."
CONFERRED DEGREE.
. Shortly before his death the
Georgetown law school conferred
upon Justice Gould the honorary
degree of doctor of laws.S
Announcement was made at the
headquarters of the Endowment As
ISOLATION that the Rev. w. Cole
man .Nevils. s. j., vice president
of the university, viii make a fly
ing trip to Chicago on February 10
and to Pittsburgh on February %
IN the interest of the national cam
paign. As the final month Of the
drive for a 100000 campaign Is
to begin in April, plans for stimu-
lating interests in the alumni are
being pressed.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-18
Urges Patience in Care
OF Kindergarten PupiIS

Sympathy, patience and a work
Ing knowledge of child Psychology
are the three great qualifications of
a kindergarten teacher. Miss Cath
crime Watkins, director Of kinder.
garten work in the District public
schools, told teachers Of primary
grades at a meeting In the Frank
In School last Thursday.
Miss Watkins urged the teachers
to study each child's characteristics
and develop them as far as, poss BILE
within the limits Of the prescribed
curriculum.