The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-01-09

BIT if l ever will try another one.
1t was still raining the second day
and I sent for Raymond. He denied
everything as usual. / was in a di7
lemma. didn't know whether to
denounce him to the newspaper men
who had tried so hard to help him
or to make one more attempt to
bring about reform. 1 didn't expect
him to stay entirely sober, of course,
but 1 figured that IL / could keep
him in half way condition he could
win some ball games for US at the
beginning OF the season.
"Bugs. on Trial
Suddenly a scheme occurred to me.
I decided to hold a secret court mar
tial--a trial an camera" as the Eng
lish say-with the newspaper men
sitting as Jury. 1 knew 1 could
trust every one of them. In fact I
had never known a baseball reporter
to violate a confidence. For that
reason / have never hesitated to talk
with them freely.
To this day the picture of that
Jury and the prisoner at the bar is
the most amusing thing in my recol-
lections. The jurors got up out of
bed to come down and were half
dressed, as 1 was.
AS 1 remember. this jury was made
up Of Sam Crane, Sid Mercer, Boze-
man Bulger, Damon Runyan, Charles
Van Loan and one or two of the
younger writers whose names 1 can't
recall at the moment.
Gentlemen. 1 said, to them, II
have called upon you to sit as a jury
on this man. He has promised all
of you not to drink and you have
given him every help. You have
praised him in the papers. He has
violated that faith. He's a big bum
that's laid down on his friends. Now
want you to hear the evidence ana
then it will be up to you to decide
whether you shall expose his weak
ness in your papers and tell the
world that he's no good or whether
you will overlook it and give him
one more chance. I won't ask you to
keep anything out of the papers.
I'll leave 1t to you"
Denies Charges
In the mean time, Bugs sat there,
his bloodshot, eyes downcast, his hair
tousled. his face unshaven.
IT'S a damned lie, Mc---somebody's
been lynn to him, fellows" he said.
in answer to my opening charge.
you say it's a lie? Wait until
present the evidence. Look at him,
boys."
Maybe he's just got a cold" sug-
gested one of the writer's. "A fell
lows eyes get that way sometimes
from too much readingP
There was a smile and hope came
into RaymoId's eye.
II don't smell anything wrong with
his breath" suggested another.
How'd he get that way with no
money-if it's ticker? Another re-
marked.
AS these remarks. went round ]
slowly unfolded the typewriter
sheets of the detectives report. OF
course. all the baseball reporters
knew just as well as / that Bugs
had gone off the reservation and had
been drunk. I began to read.
Onions and Beer
"Your operative followed one, Bugs
Raymond, for Is hours" it said, land
noted his every movement At a. m.
the said Raymond went into saloon
known as the Turf Exchange. In a
back roam he drank seven glasses of
beer, ate handful of pretzels and
two Bermuda onions. From there
your operative followed the said Ray
mond to the Knight saloon. There
he drank nine glasses of beer. ate
more pretzels and two or three
onions, etc"
The jurors took careful notes of
this and finally summed it all up.
The result of the tabulation was that
Raymond, in IL hours, had consumed
, As glasses of beer. peck of pretzels
and eight Bermuda onions.
Now, what've you got to say to
that?" 1 demanded of the defendant.
ITS damned lie, Nc! Fellows.
there amt word of truth in it!''
Several members of the jury
averted their faces to hide their
smiles.
you mean to tell this jury" I
asked, assuming Indignation. that
this officer has sworn to a lie-you
mean to say you didn't do this drink
ing of beer and eating of pretzels and
onions?"
ITS a lie, just the same, Mel OF
course, 1 might've had coupla dozen
glasses of beer. but I'm tellin you
it's a lie--I amt eat an onion in
seven months!'
Acquitted!
The jury couldn't hold in any
longer. All of us broke into laugh
ter.
Bugs" one of the jurors finally
ask ed, lin view of your abstinence
from onions-this technical mix-up in
the report-will you promise to lay
off the rest of the stuff if given a
CHANGER"
"Bet your sox will Fellows. I'm
throughp'
After a moment of elaboration the
jury solemnly acquitted him and