Perth Amboy evening news., 1923-08-02
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BY HARRY B. HUNT
e Service Writer

WASHINGTON knowledge"
! says Tom Marshall. ex-vice presiden'
! tial philosopher, lis. after all. rela-
tive"
In proof of which the Hoosier
sage cites the following recent exs
perience while exploring the wilds Of
the Cape Cod country.
"I was trying to get to Barnstable
from Yarmouth, by way of Cumma-
quid," Marshall says, when 1 lost
my way. Finally, however, I met a
| typical Cap Colder amblins aim
! lessly along the road. Thinking ne
surely could give me my bearings,
l hailed him.
"tHow do I go to get to Barn
| stable?' 1 asked. And about how
| far is it?'
1.-THE native stopped, looked at me
| blankly for a moment, spat and
shook his head.
"Daon't knaow.' he drawled.
""Vell, how far is it to Cumma-
quld?' ! asked.
"Daon't knaow that, either
"'You don't know very much, do
you? 1 said, exasperated by the fell
lows apparent lack of interest.
"'Well, mebby not; mebby not
he said. But l amt lost!'"
William A. Ayres of Wichita, Kas.,
| who returns to Congress this fall
| after having been s~idetracked tenn
porarily by q Republican, made his
| first congressional campaign back in
1914, when the Bull Moosers were
| still rampant in the Sunflower State.
! Called on one afternoon while
passing through a small town for a
few pertinent political remarks.
Ayres climbed up on the nearest
available elevation, which happened
| to be some new-fangled ~contraption
| standing in front of the towns farm
implement store. AS he squared
| away and cleared his throat for the
speech, he noticed a wave of smiles
and then open outlaws sweep
through the audience.
"'Smatter?" he inquired, soto
voice, of a henchman at his heels.
Don't you know what that is
you're standing on 2" came the whis-
pered answer. That's a manure
spreader."
Talk about working the old bean!
Right there's where William A.
| AJI6S SllOWCo ~ POPaA9SS HOH
quickly his could sprout!
"Ladeez and gentlemen" he be-
gan without hesitation. This is the
nrst time l ever made a speech from
a Bull Moose platform"
THE most successful speech l
ever made in my life" Ayres remi-
| uisces, as he recalls that %eventful
| moment in his career.
John n. Tillman of Fayetteville,
Ark, who represents the Third dis
trict in Congress, volunteers to in
form wondering Republicans why
southern and western farmers are
on the war path.
John Huls, a neighbor of mine,
bought six bushels of rye for seed"
Tillman says. ut cost him 60 cents
"a bushel, or $3.50. But when he
went to the depot to get it he found
a freight bill of Sc or 81 a bushel.
John just naturally can't figure how
either he or the fellow who sold him
the rye got a square deal. He sort
thinks something's wrong.
ALSO, another neighbor of mine
a lot of fine early watermel-
ons this spring. He planted the
seed, tended EN-, fought the bugs
and got 7 cents apiece for 'em in the
field. The railroad got 81 cents
apiece for hauling EN- to New York
and the folks who bought EN- there
paid $1.50 each!"
Representative Roy Fitzgerald of
Ohio, who served as a captain of in
fantry in the A. E. T., when he
weighed in at Dayton recently pre-
paratory to fulfilling his duties as
an officer in the reserve with a few
weeks service at Camp Knox, found
to his horror that, as a liesurely
legislator, he had acquired altogether
too much weight for a frisky fight
er. The scales showed 230 pounds,
which was at least 80 pounds too
much.
The resulting regiment to which
the Buckeye congressman subjected
himself, left out nothing eve tried
by Dempsey, Willard, Gibbons, Fir
pc or other occasional reducers. And
it was a happy Fitzgerald who got
by inspection without a call-down
from his colonel. He took off just
80 pounds to do it.