The Washington times., 1923-03-25
A 5 k Any
Newspaper
NJ a n
BY c. M. eAYER.

NIOU confess Win 1OW0E9o
Iashes that you are .
newspaper man. Her voice
swings up two octaves. she hops
around as excitedly as en- oyster
escaping the huntsman. and claps
her hands like the drummer n
the orchestra.
Then she gushes out . flock
OF words between exclamation
points. they invariably come IN
this oreer:
my but your work must Do
50 Interestingly"
DO you stand on the corner
waiting for things to happenT
DO you get lot of scoops7
and are all the Judges afraid
OF your"
Il bet won can get In any
theatre tree"
swill you put my picture IN
the paper?"
aWhat are the advertisins
rates?"
DO you go to Greenwich w.
lager"
That isn't the half Of It. Blu:
this paper doesn't use elastic
tyne and only so many words can
get into 9 column ("Thanks
goodness" says the reader.
.Tnang goodness . couple OF
times" says the editorl.
III reply to all these questions
wen detail some Of the average
things In the average reporters
ken.
Yes, the reporter stands on
street corners waiting for things
to happen. He waits for . truck
load Of beer to hop along and
drop in . coma ct his feet
Wherein he differs not from 9th
ers OF the citizenry.
do you get q lot OF scoops!
Yes. A scoop on the ear when he
eases into the house with the
abb that he was sent out OF
town on story last night and
couldn't get back home until to-
day. He doesn't know that friend
wife has telephoned the city edI.
Tor and that that helpful pal has
exclaimed, why, he started for
home as usual last night"
And are all the judges afraid
OF your" Sure they are. They're
afraid you'll never come up be.
fore them and that IL you do the
lev won't allow more than .
Il sximum sentence.
Il bet you can get into any
III eatre free" Yes, indeed. Any.
III le before Sis p. m. or after
Heap. m.
VIII you put my picture II
che paper?" Well. now listen to
reason. lady woman. We aren't
running o burlesQue sheet
do You go to Greenwich Vii.
lage! We're married. We're nt
telling. Do you?
The reporter gets mp IN the
morning all steamed mp like the
radiator in August. He's very In
terestsd in his work. ALI steamed
/. up. Steamed up about whether
it'll be eggs again for breakfast.
Sometimes they want to know
how the columns are kept 30
even. Well, you see, lady wo.
man, it's this way: The pfinter
stands in front Of the presses
with a pair Of shears. He ships
off the bottom Of every sheet
that comes along and shoyes
back the words with his fist
when they insist on crowding
out into the air. or course,
words are in the male gender. No
fist ever would succeed in crowd.
ing back the words If they were
in the feminine gender.
And sometimes they exclaim:
"You must know some pretty big
people" Yes. we do. Big Blu
Edwards, for instance. We know
a lot of big people. But they
don't know US.
They never fail on this one:. II
suppose you know shorthand"
Yes, indeed. Every time we reach
out for a raise In salary we find
our hand is short Of the goal.
do you take notes?"/No, last
time we did he didn't pay up.
"You can't believe what you
see In the papers" Wish we
could impress that ON the income
tax people when they send Us the
Income tax papers,.
''Do you go out Of town q lot?"
Yes. Every time that the en-.
veIope is toe shy to take home.
do you telephone your artic.
LEST" Yes, whenever we can get
anybody to listen to them.
"Does 1t go on in the way You
write it," 1t does. It goes In the
way we write 1t. It goes In the
waste basket.
"I1l bet yoa know a lot OF act
resses." New, now sister, be
nice. Remember you're talking
TO q married man.