The mirror., 1923-07-19
THE BATTLE OF SMYRNA
By Mr.. G. M. F.

by Mf. u. NJ. r.
Oscar Schulymeyer, life long friend of
Herr Limberger, and feature writer of
the Cactus" Bretzel's foremost daily,
had been assigned to cover certain part
of Turkey. Hot because of his reportorial
genius, lowering over the keys of his COL
lapsible vest pocket typerister, could make
the readers mistake the aroma of Garlic
for the fragrance of Belgian rose but
to secretly innoculate the Turkish palate
with craving for S. O. S. products Of
tn Herr Limberger Co., manufacturers of
imported home made delicatessen, Incl
dentally the principal stock holders of the
Cactus"
1t so happened that Oscar reached the
vicinity of the recent alterations between
the Mohamedams and the Greeks in just
the proper time to miss squadron of
ever present scalpers selling ringside seats,
to the performance, but with never as
much as twitch of an eyelid immediate
ly forwarded by wireless his no doubt
perfect and truthful version of the spec
tacle he never saw. AS the only press
representative off the lot his scoop was
immensely valuable and sold at regular
space rates, produced for the Cactus"
Herr Limberger and incidentally Mr..
Schuctzmeyer $14,726,291.12 in revenue.
For the benefit of the readers of THE
MIRROR, Herr Limberger translated the
original radiogram of Schuctzmeyer for
reasons state and by order of the strict
Moslem censor send in Turkish code and
we hereby reprint the dispatch word for
word in the words of the Magnate Herr
Limberger.
Smyrna, Friday, 18th, II p. m.
In de night time.
Veni, Vidi, vice. As Ramse said after
de fall of Pryemisl came, saw and de
licking vas ofer.
After der defeat, de Greeks arrived un-
der General Jose Franz Propanlos, duke
of Palachnisky right away quick started
Won disorganized retreat backwards
march) which sadly showed der desperate
und plucky conditions und left no doubt
of der determination to run away from it
all, cost Won return engagement NIT Kim
mel Pasha de leaders of de victorious
Turkish forces temporarily commenced de
sacking of Smyrna.
Adobting Won comfortable ferry post as
de only means dot vas available to estab-
lash Won proper observation for a time
could not help but recall dewierd Baron
Munchhausen yarns so often use in de
U. S. A. after our entrance in de worlds
var, namely, de spreading of scientific
teutonic germs which, ven properly in
oculated into de victims would do most
anydings from having an up to de second
latest edition bob haired Aapper refuse to
! smoke Won cigarette or modestly decline
Won kerosine cocktail to routing of Won
modern army by pitifully scant und
totally ineffective branch of-of-of will
don't know. But for vonce at least I
found desc highly sponsored germteries
slightly OF de vase.
Won accountable strench of de widest
odor penetrated de snow laden air of de
equatorial county side in which de recent
struggle had taken place und noticing Won
begrimmed officer of de Turkish army
carefully Aecking de desert dust from his
highly polished patent leather boots, I at
vonce boldly advanced und made mine
self known.
So surprised vas his delight to see und
to hold Won life size specimen of de staff
of de "Cactus" dot upon mine urgent re-
quest backed by two bits of real Ameri
can money he got for me Won introduction
to his chief no udder den de renowned
Herr Kimmel Pasha.
Imagine mine CONSERVATION ven dis
oriental potentate hooked me by mine
celluloid collar de most endearing way of