davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
Lady Barber
Arrives
THE lady barber isn't new,
Though at her now We

HE lady barber isn't new,
Though at her now We
stare.
Delilah had . pretty way
OF cutting Samson's hair.
Sir Walter Raleigh was . knavs,
At least, 80 1t was said.
Elizabeth gave him . shave
BY cutting OF his head.
For many years we have heard
Of the lady barber in q vague
way. She has been rumored, but
now shs has positively arrived.
Many Of the large barber shop
proprietors downtown are in
stalling one lady barber in each
shop, figuring probably, that one
would be enough. People do not
always figure correctly.
The innovation was started
only recently, but It has already
Just about revolutionized the
tonsorial business.
For one thing, Il ID found that
where there Il . pretty lady
barber In the shop, the gent
BARRIERS And plenty Of time on
their hands, In one shop they
have organised . card club and
stay out In the back room.
Fifteen or twenty customers
wait In line for the fair ona.
They have been shaved by men
BARRIERS for thirty or forty yaars
and ara sick and tired Of them.
Getting slapped In the faoe by
. beautiful lady barber u
described 40 . delightful azpe-
riencs after the mauling one has
received from the gentlsnsn Of
her profession She can pluck
: painless eyebrow and spread
Tho lathsr daintily % That the
customer b not obliged 20 eat e
or breathe e mp his nose.
II Il said 60 be very truo that
she u an Indifferent shaver and
does not always remove al the
whiskers. But when . man walks
out Of . barber shop with . first
class haircut cooked up By q
lady, he ID . thing Of beauty and
. Joy forever.
Ladies' know how 10 handle
hair, but they know very little
about whiskers. A lady can give
you o haircut which will give
you o Marilynn Miller or with
ringlets across the forehead like
Gloria Swanson.
A man barber occasionally
runs out Of conversational dope
Il L. q painful experience for him
but 1t has to happen. No ma,
can talk for ever withou
stopping.
It Is different with Q lad,
barber.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

a LADY met a friend coming
out of a fortune teller's estab-
lishment.
You don't look very happy,
dear" she commented Wasn't
your fortune as good as you ex-
pected?"
well, the fortune teller de-
clared that my father works hard
shoveling coal and tending fires
for a living"
Surely there's no disgrace in
that7"
"But he's been dead ten years.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

IF only had Jones luck
I'd make a million cold:
If only had Smithers' pull,
High office would hold.
II I had lived in younger days,
1 would have made my mark;
II I'd been born meath other stars
The world to me would bark.
II had not to grub for bread
My muse mankind would thrill;
II all the world were not awry
should be famous still.
But though I lay the blame on
chance,
notice with a sigh
The fact cannot quite escape,
That half OF "If' is at"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
The Old
Fashioned Doll;
THE dear old-fashioned d

TvHE dear old-fashioned d
lar, the one that once
knew, sure packed
awful wallop, and now we kno
it's true.
Nowadays IL doesn't make an,
more noise than feather falling
on q red plush sofa In the house
next door.
To show what . dollar used to
do, we had fraternity dinner
once back in the old home town.
There were to be forty at the
party, and the committee, In fear
and trembling, went and laid the
plans before old Gus Higgins,
who operated the Last Chance
Restaurant, down near the rail
road tracks.
The menu was to be rather
elaborate for those days, includ-
ing roast or grilled chicken,
stuffed celery, endive salad.
sweet potatoes, tricolored ice
cream, nuts, coffee and a few
drinks-and in those days drinks
was drinks.
We asked Gus If he could do
it for So.
He figured on it for q day or
two and then told the committee
with many apologies that he
could not do it for So, but could
furnish the whole layout for
$2.35. He would not do it for a
cent less, as he was not in bust
ness for his health. 'T would
like to accommodate you boys"
he said, ''but the chickens alone
would cost me almost So, al
though I raised them myself"
He didn't know that we meant
So a plate, but thought that we
meant So for the whole thing
"That's different, he said, when
we explained to him that every
man present would pay So.
When we paid him the $50 he
retired to private life and gave
the restaurant to his nephew.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
OF COURSE.

TT was raining cats and dogs, and
West stepped into shop to
avoid getting wet.
Noticing counter full of UNI
breilas. he decided to buy cheap
one and go on his way.
How much is this one?" he
asked, pointing to one.
Three fifty, sir" replied the
store-keeper.
Hum" grunted West. used
to be able to buy an umbrella
like that for dollar and a halfr'
yes, know" replied the
clerk; but you must remember
that umbrellas always 60 I'D
when it rains"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
By Charles MI. Bayer

Still, we can say this good
word for the Queen Of the Out
sine. Our mop chauffeur knows
her place. And stays in it. She
knows her place is six octaves
above her employers. 1t takes a
stepladder and an appointment
to converse with her.
She gets up Precipitation
every day. She gets it from turn
ing around to look at the clock so
often. She clings to 1t like q
wave clings to the ocean.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

Very intellectual, too. She's of
the opinion that Euclid was a
masher. He made so many pGopo-
sitions.
The only masher she ever nirt-
ed with was the potato masher.
She has a day off once a week,
but an off day every day in the
week.
She bends q vicious speech
when irked. She has a flaming
tongue. Probably uses birthstone
as q mouth wash.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

SERVANT-"There's a man to
see you, sir"
Master-"Tell him to take a
chair
servant-"He has, sir. He's
taken them all. and they're NOV
ing out the piano now. He's from
the furniture store"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
FRENCHMAN trave!

A FRENCE1MAN travelling in
Ireland overheard the follow
ing conversation:
Sure, Pat, it's down to Kill
mary I've been, and now I'm
going to Fitzpatrick"
Eye don't say, SOP said Pat.
"Why. it's myself that's been to
Kilkenny, and soon I shall go to
Kilmore."
"Murderersv' muttered h o
Frenchman.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
The New
House
Servants

A CCORDTNG to report,
- hundreds Of English house
servants are on their way
20 this country, for the reason
that 9 great many English
families are discharging their
servants and getting their meals
ut the delicatessen.
The English house servants are
reputed to be the best in the
world and, I'm their natural en-
vironment, require very little
waiting on by the families for
whom they work.
But the trouble is that when
they get in an American environ
ment, it is difficult to impress
upon them the fact that they are
servants. Once this is &C.
eomplished the trouble il over.
An English butler fits into the
family Of the average American
millionaire bootlegger or movie
nagnate like Judge Gary of the
steel trust would fit in the
Job Of cashier in q one-arm
restaurant.
When you want to know
whether to serve the soup or the
Ice cream at the beginning Of a
meal you have to ask the butler
and one can hardly do this with.
out loss Of prestige. When an
: English butler expressed his
opinion OF the American family
for which he works, it is no place
for minors.
It is much easier to feel at
home with q French butler be-
cause you cannot understand
III II COWS ard - Won have .
perfectly good alibi when you
pull q social faux pas.
No matter how long and faith
fully an American millionaire,
particularly a new one, may pol
ish himself up, he never quite.
gains the respect of his English
butler.
It takes centuries to evolve the,
perfect English butler. An;
American millionaire can hardly
expect, therefore, to make him
self q gentleman over night. My
word, mol
Even an American millionaire,
Of the fifth or sixth run of shad'
shows some rough edges,
although he may be all dressed
mp and trying his durndest.
However, there il much to be
said in favor of the English
servants who are now coming to
as by the shipload on account Of
the financial conditions abroad.
You do not have to serve them
their breakfast in bed as is true
Of good many Of the American
born servants, and they do not
insist upon taking the family
limousine and entertain their
friends.
And another jolly fact which;
win appeal to one and all whoi
have had to hire servants since:
the war, il that the women who:
come viii work for one pun a;
week, which is about SIS; and
the men will work for two pun o
week, which is about SO.
But it will not take them long
to learn that they can get real
money for doing their stun.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
HAWKINS:

HAWKINS: well, old man,
AA hoW's business going?"
Martin: "Oh, like clock.
work"
Hawkins: "But I'd heard a
rumor that your people had
failed"
Martin: $50 they have. The
business has just been wand
up
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
BY CHARLES M. BAYER.

WKYE'D like to read the obitu-
w aries Of
The bootblack W h o
shouts, "Shine, p'loish?" after
you've just had your shoes glis-
tened so that a sunlit mirror
looks like a mud puddle in COM
parison.
The barber who asks, Shave,
SIR" wheL he knows you've Just
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

card: THE voice with the smile
wins"
THhe street fakir's: 1.-THE one
show lie the one I SELL"
The candidates: when I'm
elected I will"
The bootlegger's: "It just came
off a ship. / drink it myself"
The detectives: We'll solve
this crime within twenty-four
hours"
The janitor's: I'm sorry, but
I've got every pound of steam up
that the boiler will hold"
The brokers': II got this
straight from J. P. himself"
The real estate mans: ITS
only five minutes from the sta
ton"
The flivver Dealers: THE
Packard and the Pierce Arrow
can't touch It,"
The modiste's: "You look sim.
ply divine in it,"
And our opinion Of some of the
worlds foremost tncurable ODD
tOmists:
Inc CHAP who goes shopping
Different Sort.
TITLE Edna was visiting the
museum with her aunt. In
the Egyptian room the child saw
the desiccated remain. Of IN
ancient queen and asked what 1t
was.
"That Is some ones mummy,
DEAR" replied auntie.
Goodness !" said Edna. "I'm
glad my mummy doesn't look like
that"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

around for a secondhand coffin.
The fellow who takes his shoes
off on the porch when he arrives
at a. m.
The ball player who steals sec
ond with the bases full.
Anybody that drops a penny In
the gum slot machine.
The person who trundles two
suitcases into the subway at rush
hour.
The man who buys 1t by the
label.
The man who goes fishing in
sardine can.
The editor who passes this
column.
And we've got a deep-rotted
grudge against.
Our maid. TIN take the rest
of the column to tell 1t.
We used to delude ourselves
into thinking we had some hired
help. But the Great Delude Is
over. She has turned out to be
the Tired Help. The monarch OF
the domicile is like an automo-
bile. Always tired.
A Hope That Failed.
THE great ocean liner rolled and
i pitched.
Henry" faltered the young
bride, edo you still love me7"
"More than ever, darling"
was Henry's fervent answer.
Then there was an eloquent
silence.
Henry" she gasped, turning
her pale, CHASTITY face away. 81
thought that would make me feel
better. but it doesn'tv'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

An innocent girl Is awful fool
ish to try and look wise, and a.
wise girl is an awful fool if she
doesn't try to look innocent.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04
Bill Grurnp's Wife Says

r GUESS it's true one half Of
tn world don't know how tn
~ other half lives, but faint US
winners fault.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

never saw any man keep q
crouch If he was well fed.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

An speakin' Of gettin' found
out-that's what scares most
wimmin, but tn men are much
more scared Of bein' sued!
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

Men are just naturally fools,
but tn biggest fool I know was
a man who threw away his cork
screw when prohibition went into
so-called effect!
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

Most old maids are wimmin
who laughed at men instead of
with EN-.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

Handsome is as don't get found
outl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

One good thing about these
new-fangled long skirts, they're
coverin' up lot Of family skele-
tons!
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-04

The only way for a woman to
be popular with other wimmin is
to remember that other wimmin
like a chance to talk as well as
she does.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
NEW MASONIC HOME TO BE STATELY EDIFICE.
Tentative Plans Provide For Modern
 And Costly Temple

ANNISTON, Ala, March 11.-(Spe cial.)-Tentativ construction plans for Annistons new Masonic temple have been submitted by local firm of architects for the approval of the building committee, which will give prospective subscribers an idea of what the Anniston Masons intend to build for their future home.
 The plans were submitted by Lock wood, Tombstone & Billie, and pro vide for a building which will cover the entire lot 60x120 feet. The archi- lecture will be of the English Renaissance. The first floor will be used for an auditorium. having a bal cony and giving it total seating ca pacity of about 1000. It will also have a stage equipped with the most modern lighting devices, curtains and other equipment. A lounge will also be equipped on the Noble street side of the balcony.
 The basement will contain the banquet hall. kitchen, game room for the men and a rest room for women, and a low w-pressure steam heating plans for second floor call for two lodge rooms. large one and small CT one, both having all the necessary ante rooms and paraphernalia rooms. There will also be a ladies' room on this floor which may be used by the Eastern Star.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
TENNESSEE RIVER MEET SET AT CHATTANOOGA
Plans For Pushing Ford Bill Will Be
 Mapped Out At Meeting

ALBANY-DECATUR Ala, March 17..-(Special.)-Th eyes of the Tennessee valley people now are turned toward Chattanooga, where the Tennessee River Improvement as- soclation will meet March 2S to for mulate plans for pushing the offer of Henry Ford for Muscle Shoals. and where an immediate program of &C., tivities will be outlined.
 The meeting was called by Col. j.. W. Worthington of Sheffield, execu- tive director of the association, who has been a prime mover in the effort to have the shoals awarded to the Detrtit manufacturer. Colonel Worth ington Is generally given credit for having first interested Ford in the bx government project on the Ten nessee river. and since that time he has been actively engaged in the va rious fights which have been waged to have his offer accepted.
 People throughout the valley still are very hopeful that the Ford of fer will be accepted by the govern ment, but they realize that every effort must be put forth by the friends of the Detroit man in order that success may crown the cam paign,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
FRUIT UNINJURED
Peach Trees Too Far Advanced To
 Re Hurt By Cold

HUNTSVILLE, Ala, March It.. tSpeciai.)-The temperaturet dropped to 36 degrees above zero this morn- ing and there was great deal of Ice. Fruit trees are believed to have es- capped injury entirely because their blooms are too far advanced to be caught by slight dip in the temper- Ature. J.......,-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
UN|0N C0MP[A|N BIBLE N0T REAO| IN PUBLIC SCHOOL
School Heads Deny Charge of Labor Council That Bible
 Being Forgotten
GADSDEN BUREAU ! THE AGE-HERALD ! Gadsden, Ala. March 17

Complaint that the Bible is not be- ing read in the city and rural public schools as is required by law is voiced in resolutions passed by the Gadsden central labor union Friday night. Heads of both the city and county schools Saturday declared that there is no foundation for ths c.:-plalnt. Teachers have been given instructions to see that tha Bible is read daily and monthly re ports show that this has been done. The central labor body does not men, tion any specific violation but de- mands that the law be rigidly and known on what the complaint is based.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
MRS. E. c. CHAFFIN

TROY, Ala, March 17.-Mrs. 2. G. Chaffin died late Friday night at her home on South Three Notch street after 2 long illness. She was 62 years old and was born in Pike coun- ty. She was married in her sixteenth year to Ebbon Goodwin Chaffin, 47 years ago. Her husband and four children survive her. The children
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
YOUNG WANTS MORE SCHOOLS

pace with the needs of the school children of the city, according to a statement issued today by c. H. Young, secretary of the Anniston school board. The northwestern part of the city is in serious need of a new school building and equipment There Is no school in that section of the city, which is growing rapidly. and the children are sadly in need of a school. The Fourth ward school building. which was recently com pleted, is already oyerflowing. and steps will have to be taken to care for the increased number of pupils in the city.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
SAMUEL A. DOSy

ANNISTON. March 17.-(Special.)-- Samuel A. Doss, 76. one of the best known Confederate veterans of the city. died at his home on Pine avenue Friday. The funeral will be held from the residence at o'clock Sun. day afternoon by Rev. L. N. Clax- ton and the burial has to be in Edge mont. MT. Doss Is survived by the following children: G. D.. S. C., W. l.. and E. 3. Doss. of this city; Mrs. s. H. Peak, Mrs. James Ledbetter and Mrs. Joseph Biackmon of Anniston.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
CHURCH pERATE CLosEs

The four days debate in Parrish between Primitive Baptist preach CT and Christian preacher, both from Arkansas, was brought to a close Friday evening. The debate attract ed large crowds from various points in northwest Alabama. The crowds were divided on the question as to which preacher won the debate. No judges were appointed to name the winner. .,.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
HEAVILY FINED

c. M Ramey, well-known young man, was fined $100 and sentenced to six months at hard labor in police court today following his plea of prohibition law. Sam Coker, an al- legged companion, was fined s25.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
BUILD FLAMING MILL

A large blaming mill and dry kiln have been completed at Parrish by the Starr Mercantile company. T. J. Norris, member of that firm, will have charge of the mill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
INpoRsE DISTRICT FAIR

The Rotary and Kiwanis clubs have indorsed tho plan of the Civitan club to hold big county or district fair in Gadsden next fall. according to reports made by special com mittee to the Ciyitan club at it's weekly luncheon,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18

pose of selecting delegates to attend the New Orleans reunion April 10. The Emma Sansom camp of veterans will meet next Saturday to name it's delegates to the annual reunion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
CHILD HURT PECULIARLY

Lewis Finder, age 8, son of James H.. Finder. l526 Allen street, received facial lacerations- at 6:15 o'clock Sat- urday night when he tripped and fell across a tin can nearby. He was taken to St. Vincents hospital in Iige Loy's ambulance, returning home after receiving treatment.
 MRS. PAUL J.s BROWN
 ALBANY DECATUR Ala. March 17.-(Special.)-Mrs Paul J. Brown died at the homo of her parents. MT. and Mrs. D. L. Blackwell, Saturday. Mrs. Brown had been ill but week. Funeral. services will be held Mon- day afternoon at 5 o'clock at the Gen. tral Methodist church. She Is sur vived by her husband and two small children. her parents and several brothers and sisters.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
WILL TIBBS
TIMOTHY GOAD
MISS YyoNNE AypRAE

ANNISTON, March 17.-tSpecial.) The body of little Yyyonne. daugh- ter of Mir. and Mrs. F. D. Andrae, who died Friday, was buried at Edge mont cemetery Saturday morning.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
STEVE R, ARNOLD

ANNISTON, March 17.-(Special.)- Steve B. Arnold died at his home on South Wilmer avenue Saturday. MT. Arnold Is survived by his wife and seven children, Alton, Luther, Travis. Clanton and Jerome Arnold. Mrs. B. B. Blackstock and Miss Alma Arnold. The funeral service will be held Sunday morning at 3 O'clock by Rev. l.. N. Claxton at the Oxanna Methodist church. the burial to be in Edgemont cemetery.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
FIRE DEsTROYs HoYsE

TALLADEGA, Ala, March IT. Special. Hire destroyed servants house on the premises of W. c. Ma lone, Sr., Wednesday. entailing loss of about $S00.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-03-18
BRIDGE PROJECT INDoRsED

tect to build bridge across the Coosa river at the foot of Broad street in Gadsden Is contained in a resolution passed by the board of county commissioners Saturday urg- ing the Alabama highway commits sion to apportion enough money from the bridge fund in it's hands to as- sure construction. The resolution in- inmates that the county will contrib ute the amount it realizes from the sale of its equity in the Louisville and Nashville bridge which Is now used by the public.
 The proposition will be submitted to the commission at Montgomery on Monday, March 26 by a strong delegation of Gadsden citizens.