Evening star., 1923-08-03
CAPITAL KEYNOTES
BY PAUL J.. COLLINS

Aha, The secret is out why Post
master Mooney asked-for the loan OF
the nine-foot gun which can XIII oo'
birds AT one shot. He may neeo II
for use on the Nirginians who reside
in Washington and vote in Virginia.
Tbe Virginia absentee voter IS
pestering him. The Virginia Id"
does not sanction affidavits OF voters
by mail. when the aforesaid aindaNl'
is made before notary public; II
must be sworn to before the post
master OF the town or city ~here the
voter is domiciled. Not only that' ou'
the nostmaster must certify to the
color of the eyes and hair. and TO the
sex. age and previous condition OF
seryitude" of the would-oe voter
There are numerous other spcclhca-
tions to be covered. and Postmaster
Mooney SAWS the NirGinians expect
him 10 do most OF this filing in. so
that all they deal with is the do'teu
linz There is a row like ticket seek
ers before a prize ring, lined up from
tho nost office TO the day after to-
morrow every ItloIiil!H' IA '''.S -
time to read the postal cards or 10
any other part of postmastering. Tor
i il takes all his time to swear the
! Virginians-or at EN-.
/ He is writing to the Governor OF
Virginia to ask for special session
of the legislature, or something,
which will enable the swearers to go
! to the hundreds of notarIes public.
and let the Post Once Department II
| function regularly. one nine-foot
| gun is not enough. what ne may
Vet ask for is feet of bombing
airplaneS.
| II is the acme of sarcasm to taunt
and torment the District of Columbia
with the details of the franchise OF
| it's neighbors just across the imagin-
ary boundary line when the Colum
! bians themselves have no more vot-
! ing mower than imbeciles. 1t seems
cruel, humiliating, exasperating, in
| toIerabIe, but otherwise amiable. Mr.
! Mooney will please keep his powder
| dry.
When orientals first discovered how
| Americans danced they exclaimed In
tastonishment that in the orient the
ladies and gentlemen required their
servants to do all that kind Of work
they never danced themselves. 1t Is
that way with our voting. Why
should Washingtonians go to that
trouble? Those servants of the pee.
| pul' who are employed on The Hill dc
all the voting needed. We may not
be F. F. VS.. but we are the aristo-
! Gratis OF America-the only ones who
do not have to vote: that work is
;orientalized in the Capitol; All we
do is to sign checks on the dotted
| lines.
! Southern cotton raisers are discoV'
ering a,means of grating the cottor
plant onto mulberry trees. If some
of the branches of each tree are left
mulberry the labor of the silkWorn
will not be disturbed and silk
cotton mixed will come in the natura
state-a great convenience to the
manufacturer of guaranteed pure
silk"
1t is hardly a novelty that the po
tato vine may be so grated as tt
raise potatoes underground and to-
matoes above and mature both in dut
season. Out in Kansas a farmer re
ports that his potato vines have don,
their own grating and are raising
the double crop spontaneously. Hi:
succotash field is not thriving, bu
will yield a half d crop, while hi!
potamato yield is a bumper. So tn,
mulberr-cot-si tree promises grea
usefulness and the silkworm viii
| make war on the boil weevil.
A ring-tailed monkey had beer
given a pint of beer, morning ant
night. daily. while en- route from
Hamburg to New York. When th'
ship entered the three-mile limit. tn,
beer was discontinued. and, the mex
morning. when the monkey realizet
that it was on the water wagon, i
few into a rage and pelted its at
tendant with bananas.
Yet there are anti scientists VIII,
argue that men are not related t