Evening star., 1923-09-04

] take great pleasure tonight, friends,
in announcing that we have in our
midst, a distinguished member of the
mastodon family. long a prominent
though retiring citizen of the far off
region of Arizona. He is not with
us in the body. but we are favored
short ribs-and when DIR. j. w.
Gidley of the National Museum. pos
sesses a rib roast, like this
"enough's as good as a feast"
To tho short ribs, will be added
other ribs of proper length, and DR..
Gidley will skillfully trepan the
fractured skull. set him on his feet,
wag his tail and wholly restore the
lnastodon to the youthful vigor of
million years or so ago. For. like
the brotherhood of man foundation,
so the mastodon links from one bone
to another bone, by the skill of the
paleontologist, until he may become
as natural as life, and we may almost
imagine we hear again the sweet
music of his voice. even as it thun-
dered In the dark ages before the
boy orator ran for President. This
mastouon, heing d male. is not afraid
II.
| biggest figure you dare. and multiply
1t by nine less six and divide by three
and you may be warm" 1t is over
a million years old" and may be
several million.
There have been many mastodons
found III the sands of time" in
various parts of America, but all
,-aI he
gentleman from Arizona. The general
| run of American mastodons fiourished
| only about 100000 years ago, but this
one is ten times that old.
X X X
He must have been typical of the
wild west-tough and dangerous
for the wicked stand in slippery
places" anu he slipped into a quick
sand, from which he was never able
to extract his foot. Thus are moderns
taught that it is easier to get ones
foot into it. than to redeem ones
mistakes. But for that one false
step-who knows-that mastodon
might have been living yet, and so
have led a virtuous life and set an
example to other Americans worthy
of emulation.
There he was caught fast. and vam-
pires and mosquitoes gnawed at his
vitals, stepped on his skull and tor
tured him to death. But how he did
fight No Stacker was Mr. Mastodon.
He fought. that fighting might cease
if he could kill all his enemies
nrst. Finally. nature buried him 100
feet deep Years passed over his
buried bones, until certain engineers
discovered queer skeletons-the NAM
moth rodents which had tortured him
to daath. The scientist, looking upon
the rodents. said. EWhere the vultures
gather, there is the carrion." and dig
ging deeper. unearthed the kings of
beaStS-our mastodon.
So he will dwell forever in the
National Museum. but. like grand
fathers clock. he's too tall for the
! shelf. so he'll stand ninety centuries
on the fioor-twelye feet tall.
**
Not to be outdone by Arizona. the
state of Utah has dug up and shipped
TO the National Museum a diplodoccus,
to whose bones are attached huge
bits of the Rocky mountains. This
animal was almost as big as a whale
but is harmless as dove. 1t lived
trust.
Paleontologists do not agree as to
whether these ancient beasts lived in
the age of man or millenia prior to
that age. but there have been found
human skeletons in the same strata
with mastodons and dipIodoccuses in
America, so that the indications an
pear to be that the original settler
in America comes of as old d family
as the most aristocratic of Europe,
He was here when ice was even
cheaper than it is today. for that was
in those good old summer days" the
beeinning of the glacial age, some
times called the Miocene and Pliocene
times-some 100000 years ago All
this proves that the American hemis-
phere is not "the new world" but the
old one.
x X X
The American Bar Association re-
solved. in its Minneapolis meeting last