The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-11-02
BafQH1QxxHk1zHAAEHa Observation-Disclosures
SMILIN THRU
TO BE, OR NOT TO BE"


He lectured up and down the State
Against the demon rum"
Proclaiming that the man who
drank
Was Just a dirty bum.
One night his residence caught fire
And when the firemen came
They found his cellar stocked with
booz
Of every brand and name.
Twas Just before the "Fireman's
Ball.
And needing liquid joy
To celebrate that great event,
They practiced decoy.
They figured that old Bunkersham
Would never dare to squeal
If they should borrow" of his
booze
To grace their festive meal
But when old Bunkersham found
out
That they had tapped his stock,
He went to court about the thing,
AND HOW THE TOWN DID
MOCK!
The question that confronts us, is
ITO be, or not to be"
An honest wet" or hypocrite
Who keeps his stock of "tea."
$#m@a&
Tim Hanrahan, Chicago grocer,
wins the cast iron wash rag by his
ingenious scheme of bootlegging. A
dry agent in his store observed men
buying eggs with wink" He call
ed for some and paid 15c. each for
them. He found they had been
blown and filled with liquor.
HH&Hn&
Cock fighting has nothing on a
hen with kick like that!
MaN%#m
We chortled with glee when we
read in the Philadelphia papers the
other day one Henry Black had been
arrested and fined $3.50 for disturb
ing the peace by reading movie titles
aloud in one of the theatres.
na@@&a
Let the good work go on! If
there's anyone who ought to be
boiled in oil it is the yawping boob
who reads movie titles aloud!
a&#@&%
George A. Arnold, of Chicago,
was awarded divorce from his wife
last week because she hadn't taken
a bath in the eleven years they had
been married. If Cleanliness is
next to godliness," then the reverse
is true that uncleanliness is next
to hellishness.
You tell EN-, bathtub; you've seen
it all!
@@a@#a
Now that Lambertville has been
pointed to with laughter because of
its ancient ordinance demanding that
bathers in the river and canal shall
wear full length pantaloons and
shirt" between the hours of 6 a. M,
and 8 p. M, making no provision
for what shall be worn outside these
hours, Santa Barbara, Calf, comes
forward with the claim that sim.
liar ordinance exists there.
@aa@ae
But with more daring than Lam
bertville bathers have shown, GER
tain bathers in Santa Barbara have
it literally and have been
having midnight bathing parties "a
la nude"
California is a great country for
scenery.
@Rs@&w
They are talking about segregat-
ing the sexes" in the New York sub
way jams by having separate cars
for men and women
A#@aN@
The work of some funeral-faced
we bet! We dare say it's
because the girls in crowded coaches
are often unbalanced when the cars
make sudden turns and stops and
end up sitting in the laps of men.
@&@&se
SMALL TOWN PHILOSOPHY
The women who are suspicious of
their husbands when they are in the
presence of other women are gener-
ally the kind of wives who treat
their husbands so badly that they
naturally expect them to go else
where for their entertainment"
The woman who nags her husband
into buying an automobile when they
don't even own their home is the
sort who becomes mourning wild
ow" and ends her days in home
for old women.
N&S&AN
The County Clerk of st. Joseph,
Mich, is reported to be giving away
free cook books with every marriage
license he issues.
&%aN%a
And auto manufacturers always
gives away free instruction books
Tor operating their cars, but it does
not keep a lot of bumhells from
ending up with folded hands and
lilly ON their chests because they
tried to drive with one hand while
hey slobbered over some silly fe-