davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
- A'@s<t
Translated from a Little
Diary.

This is the way It goes:
Once upon q time there was
a small man named Little. Like
wise there was a little man
named Small. Now. being such
good friends they little realized
how small their controversies
were. Both Small and Little
had offspring. Titles son, was
small and so was. Snall:s, son
little. One day hostilities arose
etween Snall's little son and
Titles small son. Little, little hit
lie understood about little big hit
les friendship with small big
Small. AS small as the small
hostilities were. they were big
enough to cause little Ldttie's
little daddy TO Challenge small
small's snnaIlnesH In siding with
the snallness Of small Small.
Little Little met little Small
a little later. Small Small talked
little. Little Little talked little.
Thus little started. suddenly little
Little lit into ANAL Small, punch
Ing snall's small OF the stomach.
Now, as d. Little was small and
Small was little there was little
advantage on either side. With
little wind left small Small drew
back his little fist and sighting
little Littie's little lamps played
geometry. with his blinkera.
Butt say. hind reader, what's
the use of going further an you
well know that Little was small
and Small was little and they
both had sons who were little.
Therefore-figure 1t out yetfrself.
5'Jfe
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
The Prudential of Ireland.

Patrick Maloney w;ass carefully
mailing up a box which he was
DING to send by express.
: AS it was necessary that the box
hohlds not be inverted during
rahsft. Pat had asked his friends
what to do to make sure that the
box would not be dnyerted. One
suggested that. he write ca the
box. This side up with care"
A few days later this good friend
asked Pat If his goods had arrived
safely.
"AIl busted" said Pat.
"All busted, didn't you label the
box, this side up. as I warned
your" " - -
ST sure did. And to make certain
they'd see it, put it on the bot
tom as well as the .top!"-Medley.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
THE. WORLD WE
LIVE IN
By Dave Sentner.

wv OW about disarmament
conference for the ladies?
Spring styles seem to need a
'.sauch OF flannel.
If Diogenes went out during
this crime wave. he'd probably
come back without his lantern.
\, It's an insult these days to
refer to hiccoughs as indiges-
ton,
$ A musical comedy is clothes
line plus personality.
Il A wife expects her husband to
pull the chair from under every
pretty woman he happens to
meet.
hs
tf. With all these midnight parties
sgoing on where is the proposed
ethird party going to fit in?
This business of putting your
self to sleep by counting sheep
-feeks like propaganda for all
wool blankets
Perhaps an after dinner speak
FER thinks you can't recognize
Joke with whiskers on it.
A monkey at the zoo looked at
us the other day and began
chattering. viciously. Suppose he
was denouncing the theory of
evolution.
Famous watering places include
Wall Street, the Milkman's Pump
and Bootlegger's Alley.
No wonder an Englishman can't
See joke. He only wears one
spectacle.
) The next step in blue laws is
TO deport every man born in
this country.
- It's an intelligent man that's
aware OF his own stupidities.
Tut-Ankh-Amen is name that
deserves to be buried a long
time.
Kenneth Knobs, the steady
theater-goer, says IT'S easier to
run hose than to bring your
girl a drink of water between the
acts.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
LOVE LINES

"D'ya think l never get tired
cooking for you. -"
You haven't any money with
you, haven't you. ~"
You're too darn fresh. :"
do you think l can jump into
y the kettle. :"
Hear him. he says he's only
an hour late. You contempt
BILE. :"
Don't touch me. You can't
fondle me out of my suspi-
cions. :"
~ don't want to talk TO you.
i wouldn't open my mouth to you
again if. :"
You call that a hat! And you
'cpaid my good money. :"
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
The Kiss.

A kiss 10 q peculiar propod'
tion-of no use to one. yet abso'
lutely bliss to another. The small
boy gets 1t for nothing. the young
man has to steal It, and the old
man has to buy 1t. The baby's
right. the lovers privilege, tho
hypoorite's work, TO a young
girl, faith: to~a married woman.
hope; to an old maid. char1ty-
Mink.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
The Truth Will Out.

Bashful Sutherland where did
you get the candy, my little man?
Truthful Tommy-Sister gave
1t to me for promising not to tell
what she said about you after
you went home last night.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

The fellow who. tips his hat the
most usually tips his waiter the
least. ~ ~
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

The advantage of Senator Bor-
abs proposed international Court
is that it viii 'allow the iaa-
tons to throw their refdse out Of
the windows.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

American language translated:
A bonehead is the fellow who de-
veIops a Wfshbone inste.d Of a
win power: .
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

odd jobs: A toe dancer n the
Rocky Mountains. -
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

A New Yorker. thinks, that the
only good thing that comes out Of
other cities is the New York
train.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

European statesman sas $ Amer
lea f1eecesr her immigrants.
American tourists IN Europe
should know how it feels.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

Where there's a win there's a
lawyer. r.ss.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

There is as much heat in a
flannel nightgown as there is in
a ton of coal, says a .mantfac-
turer. Should we burn a flannel
nightie or wear ton of coal, .
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

A cats purrfng is a iaousee
alarm clock.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

The modern. eternal triangle
consists OF the radio, the phone
graph and the wife. - -.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

More tempers are lost than
found. /. s7's'f
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
READ THESE ADS

WANTED-A permanent cure
for persons who persist in run.
aning their lawn mowers under
neighbors' bedroom windows at
$50 a. m. It's a spring disease.
Persons who make a living at the
7art of lawn caring exhibit no such
frenzy to be behind the mower.
neither do they whir it at such a
rapid clip. working perchance by
the hour. If you can suggest any
remedy aside from tossing flower
pots, old-fashioned bedroom toilet
sets. /. e.. pitcher and bowl, also
soap dish and cover, which have
been tried and proved worthless,
:. address ANY SUBURBAN CITI-
ZEN (abIe-to-aford-a-yar mani,
AN-HOUR-OUT, ANYWHERE.
WANTED-A painless kind Of
conversation remover guaranteed
to snuff off seed catalogue hounds
who persist in telling you and the
world and anybody who will listen,
what they are planning to raise in
their back yard this spring on a
strip of ground, the exact measure
n1ents of which they give to the
fractional inch. Something that
will exterminate quickly and pre-
vent speech as to the kind of
fresh vegetables they had on their
table last year fresh from the gar
den" while everyone else had store
stuff, they seemingly living under
the delusion that store vegetables
are manufactured. If you have a
remedy broadcast it by radio to A
WAITING WORLD, EVERY
WHERE.
i" FOR SALE-A lot of ambition to
spring fever addicts who now feel
the call of the country and see
poetry in old-fashioned wells, sea
breezes, and want to lie down in
every meadow they happen on.
Address Receding Winter, North
Pole.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

House money. ais the war-tax on
marriage. es.ts ~ So
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

Local color: "a Red with a
Black Eye eating Blue Point
oysters.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

King Tut said to be buried. In
asbestos overcoat. Evidently he
played safe on his. destination.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25
HAVE A SMILE.
WITH US
By Dave Sentner
NO brides trousseau is com
N plete these days without
- a revolver or two.

II
- a revolver or two.
"A. hicccugh in these TIMES Odds
to ones personality. sssa6te
49, ses
King Tut said to be buried In
asbestos overcoat. Evidently he
played safe on his destination.
T
The modern. eternal triangle
consists Of the radio, the phone.
graph and the wife. q y-
Local color: "a Red with a
Black Eye eating Blue Point
oysters.
A cats purrfng is inousee
alarm clock.
European statesman sax Amer
lea fieeces her Immigrants.
American tourists IN Europe
should know how it feels.
House money. is the war-tax on
marriage. @ e9.ss ~ So
= A...g,ss.
A New Yorker. thinks, that the
only good thing that comes out Of
other cities is the New York
train. ; -.
Where there's a win there's a
lawyer. SA.
There is as much heat in .
flannel nightgown as there Is in
a ton of coal, says mantfac-
turer. Should we burn a flannel
nightie or wear a ton of coal,
American language translated:
A bonehead is the fellow who de-
veIops q wfshbone Instead Of a
win power:
A throwing stick is discov-
cred in Ozark Mountains MS i'm
plement Of historic age. Sounds
like the missing link in the roll
ing pin family.
Odd jobs: A toe dancer n the
Rocky Mountains.
The fellow who. tips his hat the
most usually tips his waiter the
laasf 3s3 II
-
The advantage of Senator Bor-
abs proposed international Court
is that it viii 'allow the ta-
tons to throw their refdse out Of
the windows.
More tempers are lost than
found. : -
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

"A. hiccough in these tfnfes adds
to ones personality. r sssssf'e
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

Tut-Ankh-Amen is name that
deserves to be buried a long
time.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

~ OW about a disarmament
. conference for the ladies?
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

Kenneth Knobs, the steady
theater-goer, says It's easier to
run a hose than to bring your
girl drink of water between the
acts.
The Washington times., 1923-04-25

- It's an intelligent man that's
aware Of his own stupidities.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23

not possibly be reduced further. They
anticipate record breaking salesN now
that prices again have been cut.
A. d. Yule of the Crockett Auto
mobile company reports rapid prog
ress being made in the construction
of his new home in Alamo Heights.
Mr.. Yulc believes he has one of the
most desirable sites in the city for a
home.
Local Ford dealers held a special
called meeting Wednesday noon at
the Gunter Hotel for the purpose of
discussing the Forthcoming Ford own
ers reunion to be held under the aus
piccs Of. the San Antonio Light.
Charles J. George, who has charge of
general arrangements, presided. Those
present. besides Mr.. George were
Harry Baker of the Baker Motor
company. Robert S. Yantis and J. W.
DAD Clayton Of the Yantis Motor
company, Frank Gillespie of the Cliff
ton George Motor company, Gale G..
Ivers of the Jordan-Ivers Motor COM
pand and II. c. Woodward of the Nor
gan Woodward Auto company, news
paper men and guests.
William III. Winerich Of the Wine
ich Motor Sales company has return
cd from Dallas where he spent several
days in conference with officials of
] the Studebaker branch. Mr.. Winericl
reports Stakeholder going lust rs strong
in North Texas as in South Texas.
The number of motor tourists who
visit San Antonio is rapily increasing
according TO reports from local auto
mobile dealers who say that they arc
constantly being called upon TO give
service to automobile owners from
many widely separated points. There
seem to be an unusually large number
of motorists from Pennsylvania stop
ping in San Antonio at present.
William T. Capers Jr.. son Of BishOl
Capers, has been added 10 the Rick
enbacker sales force and is enthu>
iastic over the many advanced fcl
lures of the Rickenbacker car.
p. f. Abbott of the Ford Motor
company branch in Houston spent
several days last week in San An
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
Gas Gossip

: n. b. Parker, formerly manager OF
the bennett Motor Sales company OF
Brownsville, Dodge Brothers dealers,
has Joined forces with the Southern
Eouipr emit company, having taken
charge of the order department ana
routine purchases. He assures
natrons of the Southern Equipment
company real service on their orders.
Parker is better known among ms
friends as "Fish," having derived that
nickname from his ability to "catch
customers. He believes he is going
to like his new connection fine.
7. T. Simmons, wholesale manager
Of the Jack Neal Nash Motors COM
pany. after spending the early part
of the week in San Antonio, has qe-
parted for Houston and East Texas
points. He also intends to visit the
Rio Grande Valley before returning
to San Antonio.
The wholesale business OF the JACK
Neal Nash Motors company has be-
come 20 large that the services OF an
other wholesale representative are re-
ouired. In the future J. L. Simmons
will be assisted in the Nash whole
sale field in South Texas by E. w.
Began, who is an experienced auto
mobile man, thoroughly in sympathy
with Nash principles.
Griff Vance, sales manager OF the
Jack Neal Nash Motors company, re-
ports the following as among recent
purchasers of Nash cars: Mrs. A. y.
Van Riper, city, touring; Mrs. Cara
Story, city, touring; G. n. Dietzei,
city, touring; G. J. Remeringer, Xiv
ssera, sport: Dick Richards, city, tour
ling; Edward Biesenbach, city, tour
ing.
Griff Vance, sales manager OF the
Jack Neal Nash Motors company, In
Inmates that his company is prepar-
ing to spring a big surprise real
soon, but he absolutely refuses to
disclose the nature of the intended
surprise. Friends and acquaintance
and Nash boosters generally natural
ly are awaiting with interest an
nouncement of the event of which
Mr.. Vance hints.
e, A. Brown, service manager OF
the Ford Motor company branch IN
Houston, spent several days last week
with the San Antonio Ford dealers.
Mr.. Brown formerly was an actor of
, Aote and on every visit here he is
compelled to amuse his San Antonio
friends with representations and stage
wit.
The Crockett Automobile company
reports the following Hudson and
Essex sales: Max Blum, city. Hud-
son sedan: l.. A. Hillje, city, Hudson
coach; Hal l.. Mangam, city,
Essex coach: Mrs. II. Richardson
Gay, Asherton, Hudson speedster; X.
W. Carr, city, Hudson coach; DIR.
A. B. Hewins, city, Hudson coach !;
DIR. Sam Key, Austin, Essex cab: DIR.
Summerfield Taylor. Austin, Essex
coach; DIR. J. A, Stroburg, Austin,
Essex coach: NJ. III. Reed, Austin,
Essex coach; DIR. George d. Rogers,
San Antonio, Essex coach: Mrs. Mag
gle Ross, Austin. Essex cab: Mrs.
A. j. Walser, San Antonio, Essex
coach; ]. W. Ellington. Austin, Essex
cab; DIR. S. r. Kaliski, city, Essex
touring; Walton d. Hood. city, Essex
|, touring; Misses Eda and Mathilde
Wolf, city, Hudson sedan; George
Layen, city, Hudson sedan; Albert
d. Richards. Luling. Hudson coach;
Mrs. Jean Blake. city, Hudson speed
ster; Mrs. Lucille Fields, city, Essex
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23

the Cleveland six. He reports that the
Cleveland factory is manufacturing at
capacity production.
Clifton George Jr. found 1t neces-
sary late last Thursday evening to
make a hurried trip to Austin. He
Clare roadster. the same Gray Goose
which he drove to Boston last sum-
mer, at o 10 p. IN. and reached Au--
night he left Austin at 10 80 and
reached San Antonio at / 10 a. III.
This in spite of the fact that he en-
countered muddy roads for 4J milcs
of the way.
Eugene mig" Dotson. formerly
with the San Antonio Motor Sales
Company, has joined the sales force
of the Texas Distributors and will sell
the famous HAT in the Ring. Rick
enbacker six, according to Jack Car
son, salesmanager for Clifton George.
Make Brooks. who is handling the
service for the Texas Distributors. il
an enthusiastic booster of Rickenbacs-
er four-wheel brakes. Their effective
ness combined with their simplicity
and ease of adjustment are sure TO
win the commentator of all seryice
men," declared Mr.. Brooks.
Lee Newman, service representative
of the Wills Sainte Claire Company,
Inc, spent several days in ran An-
tonic with the Texas Distributors.
which firm handles the Gray Goose
for Southwest Texas. and was very
much pleased with the enthusiasm
shown by Wills owners for their cars.
This feeling towards the Wills Sain;s
Claire is evident all over the country"
said Mr.. Newman.
Word has been received from Porter
Smith. special representative of the
Marmon factory. that he expects to
visit San Antonio in the near future.
L. D. Lewis. southern representative
of the Rickenbacker Motor Company,
spent last week with the Texas Dis
tributors. who represent the Ricken-
hacker six in Southwest Texas.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23

cab; Fred G. Goeth, city, Essex
touring.
Hobby Abshiri; enterprising Nash
dealer at Victoria, came up last week
to take delivery on Nash sport car
for delivery to a purchaser in his
home town. Hobby reports Nash 60
ing as strong as ever in the Victoria
territory.
As q fitting climax to the first
twelve days in the new show rooms,
Koehler-Kunkel Motor company re-
ports 81 untitled orders for the new
Oakland Model G-54. Oakland deal
ers and distributors all over the coun-
try are reporting the same wonderful
interest in the new models. This
display, Koehler-Kunkel officials say,
has pretty well demonstrated that the
big thing in the eyes of the buying
public today is the four-wheel brakes.
Jack Knox, Oakland dealer at San
Marcos drove home one of the new
6-54 Models touring cars Tuesday,
and placed his order for additional
cars for September. Mr.. Knox states
that the San Marcos fair this week
has a real automobile show and that
number of sales have been made.
F.. G. Fehrenbach, proprietor OF the
Fehrenbach Motor company at Fred
ericksburg and the Granite City Motor
company at Llano, Oakland dealers
in Gillespie and Llano counties. drove
home another Oakland 6-54 Monday
and placed orders for additional direct
shipments in October.
G. z. Koehler OF the Koehler-K unkel
Motor company, Oakland distributors
was a business visitor in Atascosa
county Tuesday.
r. A. Wickemeyer, wholesale rep
resentative of the Koehler-kunkel
Motor company, Oakland distributors,
spent the first part of the week with
Oakland dealers at Seguin and New
Braunfels, the latter part of the
week assisting the San Marcos dealer
at the Hays county fair.
Fl. z. Watson, Federal truck rep
resentative called on the truck trade
in the Luling and Lockhart section
last week.
Koehler-Kunkel Motor company,
Oakland distributor, has about COM
pleted arrangements for the reception
of one of the six Oakland True Blue
travellers that left Pontiac, Mich,
September s on q demonstration tour
of the United States. Advance in
formation on this tour shows these
cars are creating more interest than
any other demonstration in automo-
bile history.
NJ. W. Mcclure. district sales man
ager of the Stephens Motor Car COM
pany Of Moline, Ill, spent last week
in San Antonio assisting Edgar Tobin,
the new San Antonio Stephens dis
tributor, in organizing his sales
force. Mr.. Mcclure sees a bright fu-
ture for Stephens in Southwest. Texas.
Before many more months he looks
for it to be one of the most popular
cars sold in the San Antonio terri
tory.
Edgar Tobin, new Stephens distrib-
utOr. expresses elation over the way
the new Stephens 1924 models are be-
ing received by the San Antonio pub
lie. Scarcely had he opened his doors
than he sold one Of the touring mod
els. he reports. Mr. Tobin homes
soon to be in a position to display
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
JACK CARSON
Texas Distributors.

I am told that Mr.. Holmgreen.
who is president of the Alamo Iron
Works, is an engineer of no mean
ability and understands the prin-
ciple Of almost any kind of mechani-
cal device. In fact, ] have heard
that he can operate with great
degree of skill almost any of the ma
chimes in the big Alamo Iron Works
plant. For that reason, he should
at once appreciate the value of the
four-wheel brake which is one of
the outstanding features of the new
1924 Rickenbacker. For Mr.. Holm
green's benefit, I might state tLat
the new four-wheel brake works
equally as well on slippery pave
ment as on dirt roads and brings
the car to a stop almost ore-half
the original distance. I might fur
theP say that the Rickenbacker is
the product Of Capt. L. V. Ricken-
hacker, famous American Ace, who
is thoroughly cognizant Of the needs
in modern transportation. A ride.
am sure, you'd result in the sale
Of a Rickenbacker to our local steel
magnate.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
How / Should Go About Selling
]. H. Holmgreen a Car
ELLIS GREEN
San Antonio Buick Co.

Undoubtedly Mr.. Holmgreen is &C.
quainted with the famous slogan,
When better automobiles are built,
Buick will build them" How true
this. saying is. An inspection of the
1924 Buick will prove it beyond a
question Of doubt. For the benefit
Of Mr.. Holmgreen, who surely knows
in a general way Of the superiority
of Buick l shall mention a few of
the outstanding improvements in the
1924 models. First, four-wheel
brakes have been added, enabling the
driver to come to stop almost
twice as quickly as formerly. Then.
new radiator and body lines have
been adopted, materially improving
the outward looks OF the car. The
engine has been improved and the
car refined throughout. making it an
automobile to be desired by any per-
son, no matter what his means. 1t
is my opinion that the Buick is just
the car for Mr.. Holmgreen.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
r.. G., WOODWARD
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Auto Co.

A ride in the Lincoln would tell
more than 1 could say here. Suffice
to state. the Lincoln is one of the
best automobiles produced in the
world today. Once a Lincoln owner
always Lincoln owner. I have yet
to see n Lincoln owner who does not
prize his car above almost any other
possession. And justly SO. for this
car. which is now n product Of the
great Henry Ford organization Is
superior to other cars in its price
class in many ways. too numerous
to mention here. Mr.. Holmgreer.
as one Of our leading citizens. should
own Lincoln. which is one Of the
leading cars of all motordom.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
EDGAR TOBIN
Stephens Automobile Co,

The many outstanding features of
the new Stephens should appeal to
J.. n. Holmgreen, president of the
Alamo Iron Works, who. / feel GER
tain appreciates distinctiveness and
individuality in any product, wheth-
err 1t be knives or automobiles. The
Stephens is truly a distinctive car.
appealing to those who want a good
motor car yet desire something diff
yferent from the average automobile.
Stephens has a big, powerful motor,
designed and made by experts in
automobile manufacture. The lines
Of the car are graceful giving it the
appearance of some of the more cost
lier automobiles. Yes, L think the
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23

the complete line of Stephens cars
which includes all the standard open
and closed models.
Joe Sheldon, popular salesman Of
the Citizens Auto company, spent sew
eral days recently in Corpus Christi
in the interest of Packard sales.
]. E. Harper, vice president and
general manager of the San Antonio
Motor Sales company. Star and Du-
rant distributors for Southwest Tex
rs, is absent from his office this week.
having gone to the Durant factory at
Flint, Mich, to see if be could get
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1923-09-23
WILLIAM HELL
WrOten-Hundley Motor Co.

I know full well that man Of
J. Fl. Holmgreen's position should
own car for family use in keeping
with his station, but / maintain any
persons, no matter how wealthy or
influential, could find use for a
Dodge Brothers business coupe. Mr..
Holmgreen, 1 know, would find one
of the new coupes very handy in
the conduct of his business. For in
stance, if he suddenly were called
down town, he could jump in his
coupe and be at his destination in a
jiffy. Business men all over the
country are finding the Dodge
Brothers business coupe a valuable
adjunct to their business. To M.
Holmgreen 1 believe it would prove
no exception. His good business
judgment. I feel sure, would lead
him to purchase one of the coupes.
were he only to give the matter seri-
Gus consideration.