davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06
unity.

An old colOred woman VINO
comes in to help by the day Yves
engaged IN clearing away after =,
bounteous repast which laad In
Guided huge watermelon. AZ
she passed through the doorway
carrying in each hand d welI-filled
can Of the glistening melon rind,
she turned, and, rolling her eyes.
said:
Miss Fanny, would You mind
ii / carried home one y dem
cans?''
why, no. Mandy. was the re-
ply. shut what ii the world DO
Won want with itg You don't keep
pigs or chickens. Il
La, no, Miss Fanny. ! don't
keep no pigs. said she. laughing.
II jes' want to make de neighbors
jealous. Dey don't nebber hab no
SIGH garbage a. dis settin outside.
DER front stepsE'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06
Diplomacy.

Roberts had told his employer.
the old tale about burying his
grandmother to enable him to see
the BAN game. It was hard luck
on him, though, that just as he
was about to pass through the.
turnstile his employer should be-
standing beside him.
But Roberts was gifted with
presence Of mind. Instead pf put
ting his money down, he turned.
to the gatekeeper and said. in q
tone loud enough for his employer.
to hear. Would you kindly direct
me to the cemetery? ~
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06
Cayeat SuitOr
BY Cyril B. Eean.

Say II with Music.
say It with Flowers.
say Il with Rubies.
say Il with Showers
or linking Trinksta ana Pretty
Things,
Bon-Bonay Gimcracls. Golden
Ikines,
Paradise Feather ana Arctic Fun
BY. every means ten II to IEefl
Make X known with . Meaning
Glance.
Imply Il when you get the
chances
say II iii Esperanto. Coptic.
or BY winlring . Wicked Optic:
zen II BY Hug q Pressure Of
Hand;
Yen It aloud 70 drown the bard;
Never be absolutely Mum
Tel It IN Dieital Deaf and
Dumb;
whisper Il. sing Il. Laugh Il.
Cry It.
Riotous shout Il. softly slgh y;
Bleat Ii, Boom It, Below d
Bray IT,
BE sure, my friend, that you
Display IT,
But Don't Put It ID Writingl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06
Self Reliance.

John, aged three waE being
taught to- w his prayers. his
mother debating - the youngster
knelt at her feet.
After petitions for father and
mother and sister. she went on.
And please make John : rod
boy. 2
John thereupon looked up and
said: Thanks. mother. can see
to that for myselfs'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06
The Red Ant
By Chef Shafer.

~ ERY little, II anything, can
W. be said at this time in
support of the red ant.
His excuse for existence has been
variously conjectured, and the
substance of opinion is that he's
about as practical as q silo on
Governors Island. He has a
place In society, of course. 1t
ranges from the heart of a layer
cake to the geographical center Of
alimple in the shank of picnic
ham. Messrs. Funk & WagnalIs,
In their standard desk copy, aver
that he Is social hymenopterous
insect. This explanation easily
accounts for his friendliness. But
It leaves the estimates of him
none the less cold. And. the fact
that he may be caught hymenop-
terfng around at most any mo-
ment makes it all the. more diff
cult TO think of something nice
TO say about him.
The red ant blooms perennially
and lays out campaign of pro-
eressiye shopping as soon as the
weather. is warm enough. for the
festive roadside gulp. His APP
ppoach lis made hesitantly, al
though by nature he is not timid.
He seems to be uncertain as to
his standing: and most always
lodges the first swipe Of the
napkin. But he grows calIous a.
his numbers increase, and soon
he Is as much at home as q bond
salesman. He rates no spot as in
accessible. He fearlessly ciamb-
ers up the precipitous sides of q
piece OF angel food and pIayfully
slips around on an olive. He gets
TO the heart Of pimento cheese
sandwich with uncanny accuracy
and hen explore the Quagmire Of
q jar OF marmalade with cheer
full unconcern. Over the surface
Of a deviled egg he is as sure
footed as the guest of honor at a
Republican banquet. There have
been times when he has had the
bad grace to fan into q treacher-
Gus can of iced tea and drown.
Some authorities attribute these
accidents to .his desire to show
bis utter contempt for table Ell.
auette. There is nothing. how
ever to substantiate this in the
anthology.
The average red ant il about
sixteen milimeters long and has
muzzle velocity of eight miles an
hour. His capacity is three
square crumbs to the round trip.
He has perfect traction. and he
can slow down to q stop from a
full canter in half his length. His
visibility. Is high. He can spot
= picnic as soon as the car starts
from town. On Sundays and hoii.
days he wears his rubbers all the
time. and Is nAver caught nap.
ping when the lemonade is
passed. He Is industrious. And
rs an object lesson for students OF
the firt reader. he is some sh6clxs.
Further than that. however. moth
ing can be said in his favor. And
~ long as he continues to defy
The multiplication tables and to
eully the sanctity of the lunch
basket he's due to be rudely
euffed out OF his line Of en-.
deavor or crushed by the unfeei-
ing hand Of the laity at every OPP
portunity Judge.
= 80
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

what do elephants have that
70. other animals have?" asked the
teacher of her ffrst-graders.
Little Elephants" was the sur
Drising response.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Does he live in Paris proper"
Didn't know there was such a
place"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Prof. What is the difference
between II win hire taxi" and
~ have hired 3 taxf?''
A. M. After About $3.50.
Denison F'Iamingo.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Bill-How does 1t happen that
old grouchy -slxfnfIint is always
smiling lately?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Familiar one-which way are
you going?
Fastidious OneThe other way.
Wisconsin Octopus.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Mother-You children must keep
cut of that closet or I'll punish
you severely.
Bobby-say. mother, is that the
Santa Clauset? -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

First Vamp-I've discarded your
friend Chollie. He's impossible.
Second Vamp-Absolutely inn
possible. He can't be done.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

x A
Bill-How does II, happen that
old grouchy -slfnflint is always
smiling lately?
Bull-He read a paper. on the
conservation Of energy and found
that it takes sixty-five muscles
to frown and only fifteen to
smile. Oregon Ag. Orange Owl.
81 didn't really mean that you
are beast" said the prima
donna, when the row was over.
You must make allowances for
my artistic temperament.
81 do" said her manager bit
terly, but If there were any jus.
tice in this world I'd make de-
auctions for it. ''-Birmingham
Age-Herald.
Can you mention even one
good result produced by jazz"
we sternly demanded.
Certainly replied Uncle
Fogy: Jazz renders professional
musicians SO furious that tenn
porarily at least they forget to
strut and pose and tell how good
they are.-Kansas City Star.
Flinty-It's a shame, Bill, to
think anyone would swindle Q
poor, 'ard-working. man in that
way.
Stubble-Why, what's wrong
wi yer now?" \
Wrong? Why, ERE I worked
ard fer 'alf day painting up a
sparrer inter a Belgian canary,
and I'm blowed If the feller /
sold, it to didn't give me a bad
'alf.crown fer it!"-Pearson's
Weekly Nondonl
She-Jo looks idioticalIy happy
lately. Some one leave him some
thing?
He-Yeah. Somebody left two
quarts in his car.-Dartmouth
Jack o. Lantern.
Familiar one-Which way are
you going?
Fastidious One The other way.
Wisconsin Octopus.
TTTE MAN A WOMAN LOVES.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

rY ERY little, IL anything, can
VI be said at this time in
support of the red ant.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

Son Ito father who is showing
him the faculty portraits in
Alumni Memorial HalD-Papa,
why don't they print them in the
funny paper?-Michigan Gar
goyie.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-06

@-S-SSAASS- PSA-bA 01t6 III
Alumni Memorial HalD-Papa,
why don't they print them in the
funny paper?-Michigan Gar
goyie.
Little Max has swallowed a
silver mark. I have sent Anna
% the doctor with him."
sis the person honest?"-Sim-
plicissimus Ndunich).
what do elephants have that
no other animals have?" asked the
teacher Of her first-graders.
Little elephants" was the sur
Drising response.
1--WE can take care of. many
Congressman who lost out by put
ting them on investigating =, COM
naissions.'
Eyes. that win be lame duck
soup"
"She promised to meet, me at Z
eiclock," complained Freshman
fred. "and she kept me waiting"
Welf," said Sophmorton, 81 had
. date with her at g., and kept
her Waiting.'N
Does he live in Paris proper"
Didn't know there was such a
place"
Mother-You children must keep
cut of that closet or I'll punish
you severely.
RObby-Say. mother, is that the
Santa Clauset2
The Cuff-WiIt thou?
The Collar--I wilt.
Agatha-our village gossip has
gone insane.
Harriett-YeG, thinking of all
the. modern chances to listen in,
and only one pair Of ears to do It
with.
Nov put up q bold front on
the golf links"
Ter"
There's a lot of people out
who don't know anything about
the game. kansas City JOURNAL
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
BObbed Hair May Go
Rnt It Will Come Back.

Hairdressers say that bObbed hair will because very
young women appers annoyed to find their snort
hair initiated by That's silly because there are
women now fortunately only some that are LITTLE
older than the others. -.
No matter what young OF TINS DAY may no. snOrt
hair as matter of course will be the rule eventually
savage female ancestors let the hair grow for two ra
sons It was convenient to cut they had no steel in
sruments And the long, thick hair well soaked with grease
and matted convenient protection for the chest and
for the newborn infant. That baby lived at
first, covered by the mothers hair.
Eventually women will realize that skull well shaped
in back beautiful than amount OF dead hair
and the dead hair will goas much desplsed by women as
beard would be.
Meanwhile step in the right direction is announced The
hair be pulled back and the left visible II you
you study character in the almost well
in the face itself.
Our bodies have become inferior because have kept them
covered since the of the Greeks We had to do that
of modey but there is for not improving
the shape Of the skull by letting be SEEN young woman
DID, either with hair short and smoothed down at the
back showing well shaped back head joy forever Men
get their driving power from the mothers back brain Of
course hair short and then frzzd hide the head real
shape, is abomnation. That's for Fiji islanders
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
WORDS FROM
THE LIPS OF
WISE MEN

"HE ignorant are sufferers
by their ignorance, as the
u blind are by the want OF
sight.
To follow foolish presidents
and to wink with both our eyes
is easier than to think.
Neither praise nor dispraise
yourself-your actions serve the
turn.
We develop the resources Of
the world and mature and disci-
pine our own powers by en-
deavor.
No wise man ever wishes to
be younger.
Censure 10 the tax a man pays
to the public for being eminent
One woman reads another's
character without the tedious
trouble of deciphering.
The tree of knowledge is not
that of life.
True pleasure and perfect free
dom are nowhere to be found but
in the practice Of virtue.
There is no opposing brutal
force to the strategems Of human
reason.
Reading furnishes the mind
only with the materials Of knowl-
edge-it Is thinking that makes
what we read ours.
Those who attain any excel
lence, commonly spend life in one
pursuit, for excellence IL not
often gained upon easier terms.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11

cession to the throne Of England.
In 1874 he landed in England and
was crowned king.
It was during his reign that
the conquest of Wales was ac-
complished, and that country was
annexed to England.
This was an important step in
the development of the British
Empire, for before this time
ales was practically an independ-
ent country governed by rebel
nous barons.
1t was during his reign that
Edward defeated Wallace and
placed Bruce on the throne of
Scotland, and the peace Of
Amiens was concluded with
France.
All the while Eleanor, his de-
voted wife, was his mainstay and
comfort, and when she passed
away in Midlands in 1920. King
Edwards grief was great.
Her body was brought to Lon
don in a great royal funeral cor
tege, and was given all the
dignity and reverence of which
Edward could think.
At every stopping place Edward
erected a beautiful cross to mark
the spot where her body had
rested, and at the village Of Char
ing, near London, one of these
crosses was placed.
In the growth of the great city
Of London the little village of
Charing was enveloped and now
1t is one of London's busiest
thoroughfares. Charing Cross
stands as monument to Eleanor.
who more than once proved her
self a heroine as well as a queen.
Copyright. 1923. b. Newspaper
Feature Service. Inc.)
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
LUCY LOWELL
ON WAY TO
HAPPINESS
-AAo 7RATs TA1.
"HERE is a canopy Of banner
shaped leaves and under 1t

"HERE is q canopy OF banner
shaped leaves and under 1t
is cool, green twilight.
Later it will be fragrant with
purple grapes. But now it pro-
vides pleasant shelter from the
sun and a home for a small crea-
ture whose status as to worldly
possessions and prospects is COM
pletely nothing, but whose voice
is such coloratura soprano as no
grand audience in the world ever
has heard.
The Little Old Lady stood be-
meath the leaves, where a pene-
trating sunbeam fell across her
hair like a band Of green silver,
a-listening.
The song began with a Groom
ing note, like the love that lies in
the hearts Of mothers. It thrilled
with Joy and spiraled up and up
to an ecstacy Of harmony. 1t
dropped to minors and overcame
them In bursts Of satisfaction
with wonderful world.
"I've been watching that small
bird all summer" said the Little
Old Lady. listening, and wonder
ing why he is so happy.
''He is such a tiny thing-not
nearly big and strong enough it
seems to overcome the struggle
for life. You'd think he'd be anx-
ious about his trifle of a next meal
or about the precariousness of his
home. It hangs between two leaf
stems and doesn't look a bit safe.
But he just takes things for
granted and sings of content, for
I'm sure that's what most Of his
songs are about.
"a frightful storm came down
from the mountain and tore the
leaves and left his nest hanging
by a shred. Other birds were
frightened into all sorts of strange
places for shelter and didn't come
out for hours. But the little
singer was about while the rain
still fell, repairing his home and
lifting his voice. 1 forgot to say
that he always ends his songs
with something that sounds like
Merry! Merry!'
With winter coming and moth
ing much to look forward to, I
wonder why he is so happy!
Perhaps it's because he just
doesn't trouble to look forward to
hardships. but rests his bright eyes
on the beauty round and loves 1t in
q song of content.
Copyright. 1929. King Features
Syndicate, 1nc.l
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Wars the Thing
And Mussolini Knows It.

During his years of active Socialism before he Dica
tor of Italy Mussoni studied history He knows that
above all things keeps rulers in their places and that Is
WAR It turns criticism into unreasoning flaming patriotism
Promises plans benevolence, all melt away, but WAR
LASTS
And two victories to fire national vanity may make
safer his throne than years Of good government
Mussolinis trip Greece accident it is well thought
out The time had for him to supplement in some
striking way the black shirts and Fascist sautes.
Mussolinis attitude worries Serbia, and well may. In
spasm Of sementasm after the governments
set up boundaries established Mussoni and other Ia
ians know that the East Coast of the Adac has been built
taught and civilized by Romans and Italians for than
thousand years and that the final arrangement at Yer
sales OVERRIDE and violated Italian rights Mussoln will
fort
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
HEROINES OF HISTORY
Frhe Way Queen Eleanor Won King Edwards Gratitude
l-By MARK STUYVESANT-

T was during the stirring time
Of the war.swept thirteenth
century that the crown prince
OF England, who afterward be-
came Edward I, surnamed Long
Shanks," married Eleanor. sister
Of Alfonso x. King Of CASTLE.
Eleanor was a beautiful wo.
man and Edward was the finest
type of stalwart gallant English
man. They were very much in
love, and their devotion endured
until Eleanor's death.
Edward early distinguished
himself as a leader and soldier,
and he soon set out for the Holy
Land to engage in the Seventh
Crusade. BY his side travelled his
devoted wife. Eleanor.
It was while on this expedition
that through Eleanor's bravery
and unselfish devotion Edwards
life was saved.
me young Edward had many
enemies, and at one stage of this
journey a vicious man ATTEMPTED
to murder him by inflicting a
deep wound with a poisoned dag.
ger.
Instantly and without thought
OF herself, Eleanor placed her
lips on the wound in his arm and
sucked out the poisoned blood
1t did not occur to her that she
might give her own life as q
result of absorbing the poison.
Her only concern was her hus-
bands safety. And by this act of
noble self-sacrifice Edwards life
was saved.
Shortly after this, while they
were returning from the Holy
Land. Edward was informed of
his fathers death, and of his &C.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Once-Overs


Are you of the been-dong but gotdone sor9
There lot of persons this world are Just that
kind.
AS long they have been 'doing' they do not
themselves seriously with getting done-n other
words the finish.
Life may to them endless chain.
But who wants to keep up endless chain along
single line from the of comprehension to the graveY
The doing sort begin piece of work. with enthus
at first perhaps but dawdling on the lob
Their slow of accomplishment changes conditions
before they have very far, and they begin again
For this does and another change
made and the deadenng doing goes on but never
ceases altogether.
The mind of person of this always in SUSPENSE
They settle down-these "beendong" men and
Suppose you get of finish up something
If it be nothing than a letter.
If a letter. get it stamped and send on time
l. Copyright. Featurs Service Incl
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
England Knows How
Diplomacy More Powerful Than Flying Machines,
Perhaps

European which interests ALL because there
telling when may be mixed it, pays tribute Eng
lands wellestablshed skill in diplomacy.
While England and France have been discussing the Ruhr
and France has been training her flying England has
been building up agreements treaties and alliances complete
~ surrounding France
England probably has had enough fighting and won't have
it be avoided for the present Her diplomats
would like go back the days of Napoleon when
Waterloo England stayed home and let the of Europe
do the fighting
New English alliances quietly and unociany made with
the smaller countries might easily be followed by under
standing between England and Russia and England
many. That would worry France and Poland.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Slack Time Is Waste Time
Needle Trades Should End It.

The needle workers unions Of the country have united in
gigantic union of five hundred thousand members There
ought to be useful power there.
And the first thing workers and employers should do
would be end the long annual sack periods Of denes
During certain the workers are overdrven ex
hausng their vitality with long hours They get extra
doesn't make up the harm done Then there
other slack periods with little work This waste shows lack
Of intelligence in management
In other lines Of work. that of the coal miners especially
there lack Of continued all year round employment That
could and ought be reeed Mine operators could do it,
the public would cooperate-or without cooperation
by storage The needle workers should set the good example
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
TODAY'S SAFETY TALK
Prepared Rx the National Safety Council

fire hydrant or within thirty feet
of a car stop.
Do not lock the wheels of your
car. 1t might be necessary to
move it in case of fire in the
vicinity. Stop the engine and set
the emergency brake.
Learn the parking rules in your
city and observe them. Remem-
Der, a traffic officer has plenty
of time to take your number
when your car is improperly
parked.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11

II ARkING rules have been
formed by city authorities
to avoid congestion of the
streets. These ordinances have
been drawn up for the public
good and should be observed. The
letter Of these regulations may
vary in different cities, but GER
tain practices should be adopted
everywhere.
Do not leave your auto on a
crosswalk, within ten feet of q
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
SAP AND SALT
BY Bert Moses,

The pious write hymns; the
impious, poetry.
Vice has this virtue: A desire
for reform usually follows 1t.
Find out the things you can af-
ford to do without, and you'll be
rich before you know it.
Hez Heck says: IA blonde is
the special mark O. the gossips;
next is a brunette with a fine
figger."
Beauty covers a big area Of in
tellectual blemishes.
In selecting a chaperone for
your daughter, pick out q homely
one.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Not Many Wrinkles Left.

VIE Southern Pacific orders $4OOOOOOO worth of
equipment plans terminals, shops and further
double tracking between San Francisco and Ogden.
Add this tidy lot of steel ncaculable Japanese pur
chases and the required for $6OOOO0O worth Of
fresh Manhattan construction and it's that iron
masters much concerned about the imminent future
With cotton back &c CENTS the worst of the wheat
crisis over money market that doesn't flutter at
Tokyos probable withdrawal of half billion from national
banks and the promise of continual fuel production for at
years. the only deep wrinkles left
perys brow occasoned radical and foreign
uncertainties.
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Volcanoes Under Our Feet, Too.

INVISIBLE forces also Indignantly directed
present form of Government according to amazing dis
a. closures by United Mine Workers officials
series Of articles the first of which just made its
appearance scoses that close corporation of malconten
instructed from Moscow sappng at the Soudaons of
democracy. @@s
Every possible effort has been made to domination
of the coal unions and railroad brotherhoods
William Foster is openly accused the leading spirit Of
million anarchists who have been already gathered
under the red flag.
struggle wagng for control of the American Fedora
ton of Labor There volcanoes under feet too
india off the cables for months shaken into the
by earthquake at Calcutta Forty victims reported
Ordinarily would be appalled,, but the immensely of
Japans tragedy dus the shock minor holocaust just
the Ruhr temporarily banshed from memory by.
prospects of RETAINING continental embers all of which,
including the IaianJugoslav quarrel promptly subside
Rome and Athens accept ambassadoral recommendations
The Washington times., 1923-09-11
Fuel for Furnace and Wrath.

fuel situation energies from desperate phase
despicabe Retail Dealers predicted, at once
lift prices 81 and $3.50 Governor Pnchot foreseeing
compromising of the go cents per ton increase by
profteers all down the line advises immediate State
Federal protection for consumers.
Democrats assa President Coolidge with criticism for
procuring strike settlement at public expense and call
partial absorption of the granted wage raise by the rail
roads There's something in. that.
Carrier and colllery, many instances, owned by
identical interests.
Mr. Lorees system be it remembered ceaselesy shipped
anthracite to Canada at the height of
action that in large measure sustained 500 local market