davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
= = By Charles MI. Bayer

yes. that's why they took John
Smith.
February 20. - John Smith
starts for southern training
camp. He's q married man and
has been In . training camp all
Winter. Hes In fine physical
condition. Dodging rolling pins
and crockery has encouraged him
to believe he can dodge fast balls
90 fast that q streak Of lightning
would have to 90 special delivery
to catch up to him.
February 28.-Fielder John
Smith IL q considerable batter.
II he keeps UP he'll wind up like
ell batters, in q batch of griddle
cakes.
March 2.-John Smith shows
more form than Annette Keller
man. But his form won't disturb
your eQuanimity as hers will.
March 1.-The Spring sensa-
ton is acting like Johnny at the
stage door Of . movie theatre.
Very agitated, but still expectant.
March S-Johr Smith fractured
six fences today with line wal.
lops,
March 10-Fielder Smith n 60
ing to be In the lineup. He's
The Washington times., 1923-03-11

like me income tax. A sure fix
turN
March 14-smith to-day clipped
the corners OF the clouds uipping
home runs in the bud. He's q bet
tor fielder than Q widow looking
for No. 2.
March 19-The lineup will lead
off with John Smith. II may be
at Police Headquarters and not
the Polo Grounds. but it'll be .
lineup. anyway
April 2-Fielder Smith batted
perfectly to-day.
April S-John Smith was a sen
sation in the field.
April 1.-THE Giants to-day re-
leased John Smith outright. He
had no more form than q snail.
was slow In fielding balls as .
boss IL In raising salaries and
and couldn't nit the ball any bet
ter than a turtle can sprint the
hundred-yard dash. There were
more holes in his defense than
there are In Q baby'c rubber
teaseP.
April 14-John Smith II back
In the sticks. He is no longer .
hold-out. IIe saya be IL lucky 70
be even Q hold.on.
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
Things Not
Worth Knowing

When doughnuts were first in
vented, they tried making them
without holes in them, but no
body knew what they were and
so they had to make them with
holes.
A sure cure for tonsilitis II "a
have warm sleeve wrapped
around the neck. but Ii is no
good unless 1t has q young lady's
arm In It.
One way to get out Of paying
Q tip, after eating. is TO shoot
the waiter. This IL one OF the
poorest ways.
The record Is not straight an
to who invented the first tyne.
writer, but whoever It was gave
the blackmailing business 81
great boost.
The Washington times., 1923-03-11

Dad. He knows. II he doesn't
ask Ma. She ought to know.
That thing on the left IL Q
painting entitled Things to
Worry About"
1t shows a bank president ga2
ing into the cashiers cage. The
cashier has q grip in one hand
and a steamship ad in the other.
There Ii only one other thing
in life worth worrying about. And
that is whether it'll be another
delicatessen dinner.
This is a painting called "HOw
to Treat a Woman" Yes, that's
q club he has in his hand.
And this is called How TO
Treat a Man." It shows a man
shooting the price across the
bar.
So much for the exhibition.
Now we turn to another topic, in.
spired by reports from baseball
camps. Let's 60 back q few
strokes:
December 18-John Smith, who
batted like guy swatting coolies
In the Crabapple League. has
been engaged by the Giants. His
percentage in fieldin- was 90
high that the adding mLchins ran
aut OF figureA
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
Setting Up
the Gods

~ EXITING married Is more
prevalent than the flu, and
~ all the ,civilized nations
have long ceased to struggle
against the custom.
But although the idea IL inter-
( nationally observed, there Is q
great difference in the way in
which the young couples "set up
housekeeping as it Is called.
In this country the operation Is
comparatively simple. 1t consists
first of all In sending thank
you" notes for the wedding pres
ents--even for the duplicates.
As soon as that's out Of the
way the first Of the month rolls.
around and the second instalment
on the house furnishings is due.
Then the young couple. realize
that they are legally married.
That's about the extent Of the
ceremony over here, but In India
they do these things differently.
The first thing they do over there
e TO lay in q supply Of household
gods.
Household gods take the place
Of canned goods, linen and
kitchen utensils. The young hus-
band Tor Hindu) and the young
wife Cor Hinduette) believe that
household gods, unlike relations,
bring good luck and keep away
bad.
Naturally they lay In quite
bunch Of them, along with the
coal in the cellar and d few
choice flagons Of bottled Ganges
spring water.
Over the kitchen sink they
place a God Who Makes q Wife
q Good Cook, end over the living
room mantel they install q God
Who Makes a Husband Good
Provider.
In the dining room they set up
God Who Aids Digestion and
at the front door they post
God Who Won't Admit Book
Agents.
It's q handy system. All you
need to do is to decide what you
want and what you don't want
and then lay III the cute little
images accordingly.
They are manufactured ID large
quantities and shipped like fliy-
verg and sewing machines, f. o.
3. Bombay. Maybe you can get
them with cigar coupons.
The cute little cusses seem to
operate In both directions, like
q swinging door or an OId-fash-
toned shotgun. They promote
your happiness and keep away
evil influences at the same time.
Il you know how to work them
they win give you d raise In sal
airy. vacation with pay, an alibi
for the wife or any other little
convenience.
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
. OLKS are raving about the
art exhibition at the Wal.
- dorf.Astoria Hotel.

uOLA~4AHLOAAd 11VtCAs
Their raves are misplaced.
We've got an art exhibition
that'll tear the eye-lashes off
your face.
We could offer a better art ez-
hibit than our own-visit the
chorus girls dressiag room.
Step forward, folks. and
sQuander few glances upon that
picture on the right, entitled,
When a Woman Uses Pin"
You may have gone through
q mistaken life thinking that a
woman Is addicted to the safety
pin. But II you observe this
picture closely you will note she
is using a rolling pin. Now, any
husband will assure you. dear
spectators. that this is not q
safety pin. And if anybody ever
thought that a rolling pin derived
its name from wabbljLg across
a dish of dough he 10 mistaken.
1t obtained it's name from it's
adeptness. at caroming across the
Uranium Of nan.
Rolling pins, you'll notice, are
never afflicted with avoirdupois.
They are too often engaged In
rolling to accumulate any. Ask
The Washington times., 1923-03-11

CoombS, two earsful the other
evenin'. He was drivin' her in
his cutter an tellin' her how
much he loved her when the rig
upset an Sally was pitched out
into the snow.
Danny Green says he an his
wife apparently are miSmatsd
but that his moth0r-in-lAw, shs
ought to. be eremated.
Sam Hicks has such q weak
right knee that nowadays he has
to have II re-enforcsd with "a
iron brace. Sortsr Of the iron
knee Of fate, eh Sam, ray we.
That shoe blackin' drumneP
Who spent several days In our
midst or Whereabouts last week
was Z human vacuum cleaner 81
the game Of poker, he certainly
didn't leave no dust In the boys'
clothes when he went hithar.
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
A Ducks Life
By Isle Bell.

1O1tG 2UOuL LhLB time
every year, when the ice
- begins to break mp on the
old swimming hole and the fur
nace's days are numbered, we
make up our minds that this
Summer we will learn to swim
like fish.
, We have made this same resO-
luton at this same time Of the
year for q good many seasons,
but 80 far the fish isn't jealous.
II making up our mind could
make rs q good swimmer, no pool
could hold US. But mental swim
ming doesn't seem to get us any
where, and when it comes to &C
tual contact with the water, we
always head In the same general
direction which Is downward.
The chief trouble with learning
to swim Is that the kind friends
who undertake to teach you are
always more Interested in having
fun at your expense than they
are In getting you acquainted
with the water.
In time-say eighty or ninety
yearS-we figure that We could
learn few fishy flourishes, II
we only had the assistance OF q
serious-minded person who really
had our interest at heart.
But on every occasion when
we have tried to learn II has
been with the help Of q gang or
good swimmers, who have pushed
and tossed us around like q log,
and finally dragged US out on the
bank watersOaked and discour.
aged,
These friends usually begin
by assuring US that they won't let
us drop, and then they promptly
push MS down. After they have
kept US there until we have
swallowed more water than the
law allows, they bring US up for
a breath Of air. Not too much
air, howeVer-just enough to
sustain life during the next trick.
They next arrange US on the
surface OF the water and tell us
to strike out" This we promptly
do, with more success than q
bush league bail players grand
father.
This occupation, instead Of IN
ducing US TO swallow all the
water within reach, results In its
getting backed up in our ears,
where It roars like Niagara Falls
at q distance Of three hundred
feet.
For the next lesson they tell
us what to do with our arms and
legs-as IL we could tell which
was which. We kick out feebly
like a frog that has stayed ur
all night at q croak party. and
the green, green water closes
over our head for-we hope-the
last time.
A. q stnker We are wonderful
We have a sinking technique a.
well rs a sinking sensation,
No wonder we give Il M. yeaI
after year, and leave the ole
swimming hole for those WHIT
know what to do with it.
Why should we paddle arount
where we don't belong7 It's /
ducks life!
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
Rural Editors Paragraphs
ETH THoMAs's baby sw

cETH THoMAS'S baby swal-
, lowed the only piece Of coal
they had in the house
Thursday night week, but she
made it warm for 'em after that.
Nate Simmons blew q tire
when he was leavin' Sophrony
Prune's woodshed with his Fierce
Sorrow car Tuesday mornin' an
1t looked as If Nate was stuck
cause he had no patches handy
an no extra tire, but Sophrony
chucked out one Of her cold pam
cakes an vulcanizin' that on to
the inner tube Nate got away
nicely.
Jill McCutchy, after slippin'
an fallin' in front Of the Post
Office Saturday night, allows
how q banana skin In the hand
Is with two in the slush.
Bill Sykes on..e hte oal s:..,,.
The Washington times., 1923-03-11

will have to be hangouts. They'll
have TO hang out % the bread
line next season.
January John Smith tale
graphs the Giants asking whether
they can't take q joke.
January 0.-ThO Giants answer
The Washington times., 1923-03-11
OUR OWN ART EXHIBIT

December 2S-John Smith. one
Of the choicest peelinG1 of the
Crabapple League. IL q holdout
He demands q slice Of the pur-
chase price.
January 0.-Secretary Of tha
Giants announces that holdouts
Evening star., 1923-08-19
1OO.Piece Imported China
Dinner Set, S30.5O

A high-grade white transparent
china body with coin gold band
decoration. All handles covered with
half matt coin gold bands. An extra
special for September sales.
Sixth Floor, Lansburgh & Brother.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
High Quality Rugs Low Priced
btember Sales for the Home, in Complete

Our plans have been so care
fully made and results so crafty
ing that it is possible to announce
this sale as one of the most ad-
vantageous of its kind. The
greatest selection Of good rugs
we have ever assembled at the
beginning Of season awaits
your selection. Most every type
of rug is included. The follow
ing groups are examples Of the
remarkable values:
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Seamless Wilton Rugs
$9S.5O

These very fine, genuine ~camcs,
Wiltons in rich oriental colorings and pat
terms. The group has been carefully chosen
they arc out OF the usual Room size
9xl2 feet.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Enamel Hat Bag, $3.50

An especially light t-weight bag OF shiny
black er1amel with steel reinforcement Lined
with figured blue sateen and finished with
shirred pockets and elastic band.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

9:$:::::: ::::;:::$: LANSBuRGH s. BROTHER

remarkably undprcd purchase the noted gwearing
VICTORY SHEETS the prices
which far under the regular Victory Sheets made of
long round thread cotton closely san hard twisted threads
which and satisfactory they hand
finished with regulation hens
An OF this kind held last August proved be the most
u of sheet sales Owing the limited number of these fine
sheets advise early selection Phone orders filled
received, as long supply holds
Evening star., 1923-08-19
FIFTH FLOOR
China DinnerWare
The "Oben Stock Patterns Are i'm the September Sales
at Extraordinarily LOzv Prices

Fine quality China Dinnerware in this sale. Finest
American porcelain, beautifully shaped and decorated
these specially priced groups saving truly worth
while.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
07.Piece Dinner Set, S20.50

Complete service for r. 4 beauti
ful design on fine snow white por-
celain; neat blue panel border en-
twined with rosebuds.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

NUR Deferred Payment Plan enables
~ you to make your selections of these
Homefurnishings, and pay a reasonable
amount down, then convenient payments
Evening star., 1923-08-19
September
Home Sales

Fall home needs assembled Things to make home
pleasant and cheerful for the indoor days Your
selections should have the and enduring character
whose foundation in fine quality Such merchandise only
ented here and because OF these September Sales
lower than usual
Buying Home needs now has many advantages
probably the appealing is OUR DEFER
RED PAYMENT PLAN. Defined, it
simply this: Dignifed credit. Investigated
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Part-Wool Plaid 81 90
Blankets, Pair, loo

Particularly good at this price
are these soft, fluffy blankets.
Woven blocks in pink, blue, tan.
gray, rose and lavender, finished
with soisettc binding to match.
Size 66x90
Evening star., 1923-08-19
5O.Piece Dinner Set, $10.05

Complete service for six. Goo
quality American porcelain, neatl
decorated with two narrow gol
lines.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

General Purpose
Trunks, Special,

\ shipment OF these much wanted hat
boxes Just received and featured i'll the Sep
tember Sale. At these prices early selection
is Advisable.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Sturdy Luggage at Special Prices

A beauty-at all extraordinarily low price.
Constructed OF 5-ply wood and covered with
hard vulcanized fiber. Fitted with extension
sliding garment rack. laundry bag. ironing
board shoe box. dust curtain, locl<-bar device
and large hat compartment; lined with Gre
tonne.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Three Outstanding Values in
Bedspreads and Set

Satin Marseilles Spreads Each. s4.45
Large double-bed Spreads, S0xO inches Plain hemmed
cut-out corners attractive designs
Satin Marseilles Bed Sets S7.45
Size 8eO three designs: finely fnised heavy weight
corner scaloped spread with bolster piece to match
CutCorner Crochet Spreads Each, $3.50
Sturdy wearing Spreads size 8xoO inches scaoped
edge; patterns.
&
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Irish Point Curtains
Sf.98 and $50 Pair

The finest and most comprc,
hensive collection we have ever
shown. Genuine. imported
Irish Point Curtains.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

A selling that scarcely
any thrifty homemaker
will overlook. Fine quail
ity muslin cases, made
straight wit h selvage.
Other than slight oil
stains. these cases are OF
perfect quality.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

All round edge-hber covered and
bound and specially hand riveted. Fitted
with two trays, heavy hardware and Gre
tonne lined. A trunk that will give life
time of: service, because of its masterful
construction. Sizes and 40 inches
Evening star., 1923-08-19
51.Piece Dinner Set, S17.50

Fine American porcelain, beautiful
medallion pattern with gold handles
on cups and covered vegetable
dishes.
Evening star., 1923-08-19
$125.OO
Full Line of Wilton Rugs
Sanford's De Luxe Administers, SIOO

The supreme achievement in Administer RI
the last word in beauty OF colorings and desie
These rugs are really heavy chenille in the fin
of oriental patterns. To see them-is to own c
Size 9x12
Evening star., 1923-08-19

A trunk sturdy built to withstand the most
severe usage. Covered with vucanized fiber and
bound with solid steel brass finished hardware and
cretonne lined. Equipped with six hangers and
four large drawers.
Evening star., 1923-08-19

ADMINISTERS famous for beauty and serv-
iceablity.
Seamless, and obtainable in matched sets.
ox12 Beauvais Administers. Observation-Disclosures .$68.75
S.3xlO6 Beauvais Axminster ............ .S65.75
6x9 Beauvais Administers. rs.................. $3.50
46x7.6 Beauvais Administers s............ $1,000
S6x7O-inch Beauvais Administers. ......... SlO.95
27x54-inch Bcauvais AXmin sters. ........... $3.50
2215x36-nch Beauvais Administers ......... S3.o5
oXl2 Fervak Administers. s.................. $3.50
S3x106 Fervak Administers. ............ $1,000
6x9 Fervak Administers. Observation-Disclosures. $1,000
46x76 Fervak .Axmins sters. ............... SI6.75
S6x7O-nch Fervak Administers. ........... 5000
27x54-nch Fervak Administers. ........... $500
Administer Rugs-Special, $37.75 & $500
Carefully selected groups of fine, heavy quail
tv Administer RUGS in patterns and colorings to
Evening star., 1923-08-19
Finest Sanford Rugs

ADMINISTERS OF nationwide reputation.
ADMINISTERS famous for beauty and serv
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
Hungarian Dishes That Appeal
Art Preparing

ing dish, sprinkle with buttered
bread crumbs. Pour over one
cup of sour cream and bake in
oven until crumbs are golden
brown.
HUNGARIAN RICE.
Three and one-half pounds fat
yellow chicken. boiling water,
one-quarter cup chicken fat. one
medium onion. chopped; one cup
rice. salt and paprika.
Dress, clean and cut chicken
in pieces to serve. Salt and let
stand several hours.
Heat fat in iron kettle. add
onion. fry golden brown and set
aside. Then fry chicken in the
fat and when nicely Drowned
add paprika to taste and boiling
water to cover and let simmer
about one hour.
Soak rice in cold water, drain,
add the fried onion and one tea
spoon salt and gradually three
cups of the chicken broth, more
if necessary. When nearly done.
add the chicken and finish cook
ing in a slow oven one-half hour.
PLUM KNOEDEL.
Boil two potatoes medium
size), mash. and when cold mix
with one yolk. Add salt and
flour to make dough soft
enough to hold the impress Of
the finger. Roll and cut in
three-inch squares. In each
place a sweet, blue, freestone
plum from which the pit has
been removed and the space
filled with sugar and cinnamon.
Fold each and roll into a round
dumpling. Cook in boiling
water for eight minutes. Serve
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
SaDOry Dishes Of French Cuisine
Recipes

teaspoon salt. five eggs, one-half
ounce compressed yeast. rind
of one lemon, two tablespoons
maraschino.
Stir milk. yeast and one cup
Of flour, and let it raise. Then
add the other ingredients. beat
until very smooth and light.
Butter several large ring forms
or molds, sprinkle with chopped
almonds and half fill with the
dough. Let rise to the top Of
the mold and bake in a moder-
ate oven. When baked, turn
from the mold and pour over
the following syrup: Cook two
tablespoons sugar, one table
spoon wafer: when boiled, add
one tablespoon maraschino.
POT-AUFEU.
Three pounds rump beef. one
half pound knuckle veal. two
veal bones, one bunch Ieelks, one
bunch carrots, one onion (rne-
dunn sizel. one stalk celery, one
celery root, two turnips. one
ripe tomato, pepper and salt.
Fill soup kettle with water,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

and cook twenty minutes.
Season with salt and p.pper.
Line soup tureen with small,
thin slices of bread and one
quarter pound grated cheese
tSwiss). Pour in soup and stir
well before serving.
CREPES (VERY THIN PAN.
CAKES.
Three eggs (beaten), one and
one.half cups milk, one cup
flour. salt to taste, one table
spoon oil.
Mix together ingredients and
beat thoroughly spread. Cook
very thin in large cakes on q
hot creased griddle; when brown
on one side turn and brown Old
the other. Spread with little
jam and roll up. Dust with
powdered sugar.
SAVARIN FRENCH C0FFEU
CAKE).
Four cups flour, one cup
milk. one tablespoon sugar, one
and one-half cups butter, one
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

add pepper and salt and let
come to boil. Add meat. Boil
a few minutes and skim off
grease. Then put in vegetables,
whole, and let boil slowly four
and one-half hours. Before
serving let stand keeping hot
tween I minutes. This is served
as two courses, soup, meat and
vegetables.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Melt three squares sweet
chocolate in one-half cup water.
Cook four tablespoons cream of
wheat in one mint milk sweet
ened with two tablespoons
sugar. Flavor with vanilla.
When mixture Is thick add
melted chocolate. Take from
fire and add one egg beaten
separately.
Melt about one cup sugar in
frying pan over hot fire. When
caranelized pour into hot bak-
ing dish, spreading sides as
well AZ bottom. Then pour I'm
chocolate mixture and cook one
half hour in slow oven.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11
HUNGARIAN GoULAsH.

HUNGARIAN GOULASH.
One pound Of lean beef, one
pound OF lean veal, one table
spoon Of fat, one large onion
diced, one teaspoon paprika. one
cup strained tomatoes.
Cut meat into one,inch
squares and brown in hot fat
with the onion, salt and pa
prilxa. When the meat is
brown, add the tomatoes. Let
cook slowly about one and q
half hours, closely covered.
FILLED FISH.
Three pounds fish, one onion.
juice or cut fine. salt, two eggs.
pepper. oRe-half cup soft bread
crumbs. one tablespoonful al
monds, chopped.
Clean the fish thoroughly, re-
move the skin without break
ing. and the flesh by Scraping
1t from the bones. Begin at
the neck. With care, the back
bone may be removed with all
Of the small bones attached.
Chop the flesh fine. Mix with
the other ingredients. Wash
fish skin and fill with the mix
ture. Shape and place in
gently boiling vegetable stock,
as other boiled fish. Boil slowly
until the stock is nearly alb
sorbed.
HUNGARIAN CAULIFLOWER.
Cook a whole cauliflower in
boiling sailed water until tender.
Lift out carefully, place in bak-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-11

hot. Spread breadcrumbv
Drowned in butter over the top.
KIPFEL CRESCENT ROLLS.
Take bread or coffee cake
dough, and when well risen.
toss on Toured baking board,
roll into q square. Spread with
melted butter and cut into nix.
inch squares, then cut each
square into two equal parts
through opposite corners. thus
forming two triangles. Roll
over and over from the longest
side to the opposite corner and
then shape the rolls into half
moons or crescents. Place in
Toured or creased pans, rather
far apart; brush with beaten
yolk to which q little cold
water has been added and
sprinkle tops with poppy seed.
Set in warm place to rise. and
when double it's bulk, bake in
oven until brown and cruSty.
BUCHTEL COR POCKET
BOOKS.
Make coffee cake dough or
plain pastry, and when raised,
roll out one-quarter inch thick,
cut into three-inch squares and
place one tablespoon preserves
or jam, or any desired filling,
in the center Of each square.
Wet fingers with cold water.
Catch the four corners Of each
square, lift UP over the filling
and pinch together on top and
at corners that the juice shall
not escape or wet top edges OF
the squares. take hold of one
corner and fold and pinch. it to
opposite corner, thus forming q