davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09
Not Eminent.

A Judge was once passing SEN
tence on a man, and in the course
Of his preliminary remarks he re-
ferred to him as "a professional
burglar" The prisoner raised
loud protests from the dock.
Here" he exclaimed, IT dunno
what you mean by calm me a
professional burglar. I've only
done it once before, an I've bin
nabbed both times" The judge
beamed upon him. "Oh, 1 did not
mean to say" he remarked in his
susve manner, that you were
eminent in your profession"
I'm worried about my complex
ion, doctor; look at my face"
My dear young lady, you'll have
20 diet"
"Oh, I never thought of that!
What color do you think would suit
me best?"-London Mail.
How much does that cow give?"
asked the summer boarder.
sWall," replied Farmer Apple
gate. "ef you mean by voluntary
contribooshun, she don't give none.
But eft We kin get her cornered so
she can't kick none to hurt, an
abie-bodied man kin take away
about LEVIN quarts a day from
her."-The Forecast.
The waiter In the railway re-
freshment buffet came laziIy to the
waiting customer.
%Tea or coffee?" he asked.
Don't tell me-" begged the other
sarnestly. Bring it along and
just let me guess"
Wife-My dear, you've forgotten
again that this is my birthday"
Observation-Disclosures, love 7
know I forgot; but there isn't a
thing about you to remind me that
ypu are day older than you were
a year ago."-London Opinion.
Mother-Now, Willie, II you put
this wedding cake under your pil.
low, what you dream will come
true.
Willie-Why can't 1 eat the
cake and put the pillow over nv
stomach?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09
Medbury
Says
By John p. Medbury.

a NEWSPAPER advertise
"a ment says that baking is
"A the only cure for rheu-
matism. That may be true, but
very few of us would be able to
get into the average sized oven.
It's all right for the fellow who
resides in q big home, but what Is
the guy going to do who's only
got kitchenette?
You can't go calling on some
neighbor and say "my husband
has rheumatism, can I put MIN
I'm your oven for a couple OF
Aours?"
Even If she'd let you put him
a there, you'd start gossiping
And forget all about him.
Then you'd go out into the
Kitchen and discover that you
tad not only spoiled brand new
gas oven, but had also ruined
pretty good husband.
OF course, husbands are easy
TO get, but q good oven is hard
: 60 find.
It's only natural that you'd for
get him until you smelled some
thing burning
One woman was so absent
minded that after she placed her
rheumatic husband in a large
oven she went back and put some
potatoes around him.
She was so forgetful that
every ten or fifteen minutes she'd
stick q fork in him to see If he
was done.
Then when her hsuband would
wriggle she'd take q basting fork
and turn him over.
She found that the baking had
not only rid him Of rheumatism
but had cured him Of everything
else.
Her husband was an actor and
when she took him out Of the
oven she discovered he was q
baked ham.
But being an optimist, she just
gritted her teeth and put some
cabbage on to boil.
She wouldn't have known at all
bat It was her hsuband in the
bven IL he hadn't hollered when
Hste started sticking garlic and
cloves in him.
And she also saved his life
when she began sprinlxling him
with salt and pepper.
The pepper got in her hus-
bands nose and made him
sneeze. And he sneezed so hard
that he blew the gas out.
So the best way to do If you've
got rheumatism and want to bake
II out of you is to spend the sum-
mer In a New York apartment.
Copyright. 1929, by King Features
Syndicate. Incl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Little Boy-Mother. are there
any men angels In heaven7
Mother-Why, yes, dear, why do
you ask?-
Little Boy-Because I never saw
any with whiskers on.
Mother-Oh, well, dear, the men
get into heaven by a close shave.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09
Change Cars.

A young lady entered q tele-
phone booth and deposited in the
twenty-five-cent slot quarter.
She then took up the receiver and
waited for Central to ask her
what she wanted. When the OPP
orator responded, the young lady
requested: Change for q quarter.
please"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Life IL like flower" observed
the poet-meaning that it's easier
ito say "I wilt" than ct won't"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Do yeu know that women use
mere powder in peace than men
do In War?-Exchange.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

The pepper got in her hus-
bands nose and made him
sneeze. And he sneezed SO hard
that he blew the gas out.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

So the best way to do If you've
got rheumatism and want to bake
II out of you is to spend the sum-
mer In a New York apartment.
Copyright. 1929, by King Features
Syndicate Inc
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

And she also saved his life
when she began sprinkling him
with salt and pepper.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How a hubby drops the letter
his wife gives him to mail in the
first box.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

She wouldn't have known at all
bat it was her hsuband in the
bven IL he hadn't hollered when
4slie started sticking garlic and
cloves in him.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

But being an optimist, she just
gritted her teethDand put some
cabbage on to boil.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How kid never thinks of look.
ing for the comics in a paper.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Her husband was an actor and
when she took him out Of the
oven she discovered he was a
baked ham.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How the guy working next to
you never tells you what good
times he has at the dances.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Then when her hsuband would
wriggle she'd take q basting fork
md turn him over.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

She found that the baking had
not only rid him Of rheumatism
but had cured him Of everything
else.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

Mother-Now, Willie, II you put
this wedding cake under your pill
low, what you dream will come
<riie
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

She was so forgetful that
eYery ten or fifteen minutes she'd
stick q fork in him to see If he
was done.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How a Spectator whose stock
Is dropping never gets high blood
pressure.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How telephone Tess rings the
right number for you.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

OF course, husbands are easy
TO get, but q good oven is hard
60 find.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

One woman was so absent
minded that after she placed her
rheumatic husband in y large
oven she went back and put some
potatoes around him.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

It's only natural that you'd for
get him until you smelled some
thing burning.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How careful a plumber is not
to mess up the kitchen when he
trys to fix the drain pipe.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How quick a hobo refuses an
offer Of apple pie.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How the kid always prefers
studying his lessons when you ask
him to go to see a thriller.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-02-09

How the street car conductor
is always willing to take a plug
ged nickel for your fare.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
RESERWST PLANS
| UPSET BY Orders
Boat Scheduled for Repair
After D. c. Men Had Made
+. Cruise Arrangements.

Eleventh hour orders of the Navy
Department may prevent the U. s. ).
Eagle Sc from starting its scheduled
first cruise on May %. with omcers
and men of the local naval reserve bat
TALON on their annual training duty.
Plans had been made for the vessel
to sail on May for two-week
cruise. After officers and men VINO
were to take this first cruise had made
arrangements with their civilian en-
ployers for leave. the Navy Depart
ment upset them by ordering the YES
sci to the Washington navy yard for
alterations to her engine room ven
tilating system. which. it is estimated.
will take twenty-three days.
Announcement was made during the
drill period last night at the reserve
armory, Water and o streets south
west, and few OF the men responded
when asked how many could take a
cruise at a later date. A start made
later In May. 1t was asserted by some
of the reserve. would carry the cruise
over Shrine week. when employers
find 1t difficult to release their men,
owing to the expected heavy business
1t was suggested that efforts would
be made to have the vessel start
her cruise on schedule. in view of
the fact that officers and men had
made arrangements for leave. The
Navy Department. 1t was pointed out.
should take into consideration the
fact that men cannot shift their ar
rangements at will. although prac-
tically all of them would be anxious
to make any cruise.
Lieut.. Commander William r. Hoe
fer has been designated to command
the vessel on this first cruise, but a
shift In the dates made necessary by
the repair orders may cause a shift
in commanding officers.
The vessel now is at the Washing
ton navy yard.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
PROBE OF BUREAU
! REVEALS NO GRAFT
Many Complaints Of "Sloppy Ad-
ministration" Received, Senator
Reed Says.

The Senate committee investigating
the Veterans Bureau has received
more complaints of inefficient. slop-
py administration" than of downright
graft, Senator Reed of Pennsylvania
chairman. said yesterday following
meeting of the committee.
Senator Reed said that IL complaints
OF graft really plausible are received
the committee will run them down
and will turn over to the Department
OF Justice any evidence.
Pleased With O'Rynn.
Senator Reed said that the commit
tee had been favorably impressed
with the progress made by It's coun-
sci, Gen. John F. O'Ryan, who has
been at work six weeks.
He has done more in six weeks
than we thought 1t possible to do in
He has obtained the services, without
pay, of 136 picked lawyers through
out the country. who have volun-
teered to aid the committee in the
examination of cases and complaints"
Seek Efficiency.
The primary object of the commit
tee, Senator Reed said, was to bring
about efficient administration of the
Veterans Bureau, so that the former
service men will be able to get the
aid to which they are entitled.
AS Director Hines has been at the
head Of the bureau only six weeks.
Senator Reed said, the complaints re-
ceived did not relate to the present
administration of the bureau.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
big BROTHERS. MEET
WITH BIG SISTERS
Joint Session to Make Plans to
Care for Wards of Juvenile
Protective Association.

Plans for a mass meeting this month
of the big Brothers. and big Sisters
of Washington were made yesterday
afternoon at the regular monthly meet
Ing Of the board Of directors Of the Juve-
nile Protective Association In the Juve-
nile Court building A committee con-
sisting Of Mrs. Willard d. Bigelow.
chairman of the Big Brother" and Big
Sister" committee Of the association |;
Mrs. Edward B. Clark. DIR. L. w. Glaze
brook and L. w. De Cast. was appointed
to conduct the affair.
Following the meeting, a course Of
study will be announced for those who
agree to take up the work as sponsors
to the wards of the Juvenile Protective
Association. This course will be given
under competent social service workers
who will give a series of lectures on
topics embracing all sides of questions
connected with the successful supervision
Of children turned over to the associa-
ton.
The report of the executive secre-
tary showed that during March the
association was in contact with sixty
one families. of which fifty-eight
Evening star., 1923-04-17
THE EVENING STAR WASHINGTON c. TUESDAY

were under active care. In these
families were twenty-nine delinquent
boys and twenty-three girls. !nves.
tigation by the association showed
the principal cause of trouble was
due to "broken families" lack OF
supervision on the part Of parents and
shortage of big brothers" and big
sisters" Nineteen children were given
physical examinations by physicians
who have volunteered their services.
The association last month had the
help of scvcnty-five volunteers,
twenty-nine of which gave service as
as field workers and forty-three in
clerical work.
A resolution was passed asking that
the Commissioners of the District be
petitioned to invite w. w. Hodson,
former secretary of the Minnesota
code commission, to make q study of
the childrens work in the District OF
Columbia.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
A Wonderful Variety Of Beautiful Patterns in
PRINTED SILKS

Printed Silks Includes
Printed Crepes almost endless variety, SITS Sc yd
misunderstanding cubist design, $3.50 81 yd
Printed Fou1ards, In gay patterns, 81 to 81 yd
Printed Crinhe Crepes delightful In coloring, 81 yd
Fndustani Crepe-exqsite In design and color, $3.50 yd
Printed Radiums-in the smaller prints, $3.50 yd.
Printed Trcolettes, smart for jacquettes, So yd
Printed Pongeen many unusual Designs $165 to 81 yd
Printed Eponge, white with bright prints, $3.50 yd-
Printed Sains and Forenne Silks, $780, $165 and 81 yd
Evening star., 1923-04-17
Hundreds of Pairs of Daniel Green
BEDROOM SLIPPERS
Special, $50 pair

Special purchase enables US to
offer these exceptionally. good
bedroom slippers at this eS-
ceptionally low price-..they)re
of quilted poplin, in light or
copen blue, pink, rose and gray
with leather soles and heeis.
Sizes 21a to 7.
vomen,s Shoe Section. Third floor.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
MAY TRAIN BOY SCOUTS.
Pershing Allows Army officers to
Serve ORGANIZATION.

Army officers will be permitted to act
as snnnsors for Boy Scouts, according
to information forwarded J. K. West.
!, ,i-I Xe .u;iv, officer of the organiza-
ton, by Gen. Pershing.
Gen. Persning said it was to be un-
derstOod that the officers acting as
scoutmasters would conduct themselves
precisely in the same capacity as civil
scoutmaste,s Rad since the organization
was established.
Evening star., 1923-04-17

Florida Is developing a flourishinR
-ry in the tanning OF shark
skins.
Evening star., 1923-04-17
Both English and American
Sports Hose are Popular

English Silk and Lsle Mixed Sports Hose, IN sand OF
brown with contrasting clox, $3.50 pair
I,rd S+r;nes in two-tone efects-another smart idea
in English sports hose, 81 pair
American Made Silk and Lise Sports Hose-,n two
awn, beige and black mixed with SILVER % pa'
with hand embroidered clox So pair.
women.s Hosiery Section, irst
Evening star., 1923-04-17
A Big Va1ue-Giving Event
Embroidered St. GaUDOtted SlUisS
Special, 78c yard
Silk Section, Second floor.

This selling offers the opportunity to buy material Tor
variety popular coors with white dotncludng lovely
pink grey lavender jade and plenty the
and black.
Goods
Evening star., 1923-04-17
Special Sale
SMALL BOYS
TOPCOATS, 50. Is
Sizes 3 to 10 years

Sizes to 10 years
Now is an excellent time to provide your young
son with good-looking, lightweight topcoat
or reefer-he'll need it this Spring-and you can
save in the price if you buy it now.
ood-looking, smart models-Jack lar, raglan
sleeve and set-in sleeve styles-tailored with just
as much care as Dad's-quarter, half, or full lined
Boys Fourth floor
New Britain herald., 1923-01-27
ACTUALLY BUILDS
 NEW FLESH
Real Food in .fatherJohn'!
 Medicine
 you Set Proper rWeigh'

The pure food elements in Fla h CT Johns Medi- cine are so prepared that
 they actually build new,
New Britain herald., 1923-01-27
roo MANY WIVES
 CAUSE OF HIS WOE
'If You Don't Succeed at First,
 Etc.," Is Iony's Motto

Because the wife he had married in Russia did not love him enough
 Tony Mikotejesyk came to this coun'
 try about five years ago and meeting
 one who, more closely resembled his
 ideal. he married her in the city oi
 Hartford two years ago: then. being
 convinced that she did not love him
 sufficiently, he sought out new soul
 mate, finding one in Bristol whom
 he lead to the altar last week. He admitted all this in police court this
 morning when he was charged with
 non support and violation of the moral code. Tony said he was well satisfied with Wife No. 3 and had found his week of married life with her to be success He was bound over to superior court
 On September 15, 1912, Tony mar ried Mary Savada in Russia, accord ing to certified copy of marriage certificate produced in court today. From the office of the town clerk at Hartford, Prosecutor J. G. Woods se- cured a copy of certificate show ing that on January 26, 1920, Tony took as his wife, Nellie Besdon of Hartford, by whom he has one child. Last week, records at the office of the town clerk in Bristol show, Tony took unto himself Wife No. 3, mar rying Rose Malinowski, with whom he has been living on Cleveland street since that time.
 Wife No. complained last week that Tony had ceased to support her. Detective Sergeant w. r. McCue served a warrant on him at the P & F. Corbin plant and as he was taking him to headquarters, he asked permission to take some money to his wife, meaning Wife No. 8. The wives" were interviewed by the ser geant. who found that Tony had also a third wife in Russia.
 Tony freely admitted his several trips to the altar without the for mality of divorce. He advanced as his reason the fact that the prior wife or wives did not give him the proper kind of love and affection and | ne felt he was justified in dropping | hem.
New Britain herald., 1923-01-27

Dairy Sunday Special This week is Raspberry Ice Cream and Orange Ice Cream at New Haven Dairy dealers .Only.-advt.
New Britain herald., 1923-01-27

considered an improper remark and he heard a blow almost instantly Pope came out into the store proper and waited until White was making ready to wash himself, afte.' which White offered his hand ~-.u .-,fd, ac- cordng to the witness MT. Pope, shake hands with me. I apologize"
 Pope, he said, warned him against | ever making such a remark again to an yman. and left the store. Shortly afterward White collapsed and Levine caused the arrest Of his assailant.
 The accused young men told a story that was similar in every detail to that of Goldstein.
 Prosecutor J. c. Woods typified the case as one of aggravated assault and rflotioned that penalty be i'm posed despite the fact that Pope has been in jail more than q month.
 Lawyer Claims Justification
 Judge Mangan attacked the testi- mony of the States witness and point ed to. the stories of Godstein and Pope as examples of straightforward ness. He called attention to the na- ture of the remark alleged to have been made by White. and expressed surprise that Pope did not choke the complainant to death. He claimed the assault was justified and recommended that Pope be discharged.
 Judge Klett was impressed by the stories of the defense and felt that the compliments had exaggerated. He pointed to the story told by Pope to Sergeant-elect McAvay directly after the arrest, which took place before he had time to concoct a defense. The story was the same as that told today. He felt there was some annoyance and was sure that White had said some thing to Pope.
 Children Failed to Attend School
 After agents of the school attend ance bureau had reported that re- peated requests to Peter Maragen of 40 Curtis street, to send his children to school had produced no results Judge Klett imposed fine of $10 | upon Peter.
 Maragen said he tells his children | 10 go to school, but when he and his 1 wife go out to work they stay home. ! The Maragen family has been in the | country only two years.
New Britain herald., 1923-01-27

SteHe0Rtieon views were shown Of beautiful heielS lheaters monuments and many ether examples of the won 1erful creative genius of south Am erica,
 says south Americans Are superior
 ''Fhe south American people can eKeell those of the United States in anything if they want to- was the opinion of Alr, Rice, In conjunction with one Of the hotel pictures he stated that one of the hest hotels charges sli per day without meals Examples Of engineering were showa including great power stations, dams and railroads Some railroads go far beyond our hest railroads, he said, adding, however, that one finds rail- roads that are worse than any Amr eFieaR roads
 AIr. Rice answered questions re- garding life in the various countries The people have no heat in II eI houses, ''If one is cold, he is cold, that's all," said Mir Rice, ''The only time fire is used to great extent is when meals are being prepared,
 "Nery little manufacturing is earr
  there is promise that it will he carried en extensively in years to come" said the speaker, Most Of the products are natural ones, The greatest manu- factures are booths and shoes. cotton goods and cement,
 Compulsory Education
 Compulsory education is also in 1 force in some Of the countries among the better classes. Many Of the peo- | pie arc illiterate and earn about 20 l cents day, but the United States has | a high percentage or illiteraey.
 Mr. Rice described his meeting with | Secretary of State Charles F. Hughes | on the steamer bound for Rio de Janeiro. A great deal Of his success was aseribed to Mfr. Hughes, as the | latter gave him some valuable infor. nation regarding the customs of the country.
 Crossing the equator and tho ses- sion Of the Court Of Neptune" were described by the speaker,
 'Thc people of South America are continually looking 10 the United States" continued the speaker. ''rhey are looking to her even more in these times" He read an extract from one South American woman 10 a Now York newspaper. saying that tho United States Is the great nation that always marches in the vanguard Of progress"
 Clayton Crossing Discussed
 The plan submitted by A. P. Marsh, former chairman of the New Britain Traffic bureau. Of the Chamber Of Commerce. to eliminate Clayton crossing by running tracks from the corner of East and Allen streets to he present overhead. crossing near was discussed by the en- yineers. Mir. Marsh, who was present IS the guest of the society. described n detail his plan. as did Gustave { who has submitted a differ ' mt plan.
 President B. S. Lewis was authoriz- d to appoint committee to investi- q ate further into both plans and sub I nit a report to the meeting of the I raffic bureau and the directors of the a 'hamber of Commerce at some future '. meeting. \ The spirit of service in aiding in municipal affairs was endorsed by Mir Rice. who was present year ago T yhen the local engineers decided to onstitute themselves technical ranch of the Chamber of Commerce. . 'y peculiar coincidence, MT. Rices a econd visit happened the first time = he engineers were called upon for service. {,