The Washington times., 1923-02-18
Grandpap Goes
to Church
BY DAMON RUNYON.

is certainly an interesting woman
in every respect and Of great
force of character.
There are quite a number of
churches in my old home town,
all Of them first-rate establish
ments, but it seems that for
many years the men folks are
not much on going to church.
They leave that sort of business
to the women, while they stand
around inside and outside the
sa 'oons and cigar stores, chewing
the rag and drinking and smok-
ing.
The churches go big with the
women, but naturally the minis
tiers wish to have their congre-
cations more mixed, especially as
1t is rumored around outside that
the spiritual tone of my old home
town is nothing extra, which the
ministers consider a knock to
them.
Well. they try many plans. in
Guiding church sociables, where
they give away ice cream and
one thing and another, and
church fairs, and all this and
that, but it is no good. If they
can only give away drinks and
cigars the chances are they will
do a land office business, but
naturally that sort of thing will
not do in a church.
So the attendance keeps falling
Off as far as the men are con-
cerned, although once in while
you see some poor guy being
dragged along of a Sunday by
his wife and daughters.
The poorest churchgoer in my
old home town, next to my old
man, is my Grandpap, and there
is nothing my Grandmaw can do
or say that will make him a
regular at church. He will go
about once a year, but that let's
him out, and, Of course, this is
most distressing to my Grand
NAV, on account of her being
such an earnest churchgoer, like
most women.
Well, the ministers are in
despair trying to figure what to
do about bad business, when
finally my Grandmaw calls a
meeting Of some Of the oldest
and most public-spirited women
In the community, especially the
pioneer women who come to my
old home town In the early days.
The next thing anybody knows.
a notice appears one Sunday in
the Morning Chief which says
like this:
ANY male adult of this town
who is not in church at II o'clock
this morning will be shot.
(Signedl COMMITTEE"
Well, this is considered quite
q good joke by one and all. but
my Grandpap hears my Grand
NAV has something to do with
it. and he is not laughing any
too much. Furthermore, when
people come to think Of it after
wards. they do not see anything
of him this particular morning.
It il a nice warm morning,
and it is q pleasant sight to see
the women all dressed up on
their way to church, while the
men are standing out in front of
the saloons. laughing about the
dea of anyone getting shot for
not going to church and wonder
ing who put the notice in the
paper.
Well, IL o'clocn comes, and all
of a sudden who hobs up in
Santa Fe avenue but my Grand
NAV and a dozen other women,
and, what s more, they are carry
ing shotguns. My Grandmaw has
my Grandpap's old 10-gauge gun
that will scatter birdshot all over
two-acre lot, and she points it
ut the first bunch of men she
sees, which includes many prom
inent citizens, and-wham.-she
cut loose at their legs with the
gun.
Then all the other women pick
out punches of men, and-wham:-
they bust away at their legs with
their guns. In about three sec
onds there are dozens Of prominent
citizens limping down the streets
cussing and looking for cover.
Other guys who are not yet shot
start running, but the women save
the other barrel just for them. so
not many get clean away. Guys
inside the saloons come tearing out
TO see what is going on. and they
get theirs along with the rest.
Well, it is terrible thing to be
sure 1t seems the women have
the guns loaded with birdshot and
shoot only at guys up to the waist,
hut some of the women are not as
good shots as others and they scat
ter their charges promiscous. The