New Britain herald., 1923-07-28

his soup in the one-arm luncheon
 which the Observer patronizes oc' I casionally.
 "Wa-al, I'll tell you" drawled tho
 philosopher who has seen his share oi
 life and has rubbed elbows with the
 people. "Ez see it, the Civic League believes that 1t holds the keys to the
 millennium. All you got to do to gc l straight to heaven when you die is te
 do what the Civic League says you
 should do.
 l You can always tell Civic
 Leaguer by his air of sef-sanctifica-
 ton. He knows he Is little bit bet I ter than the rest of us and he cannot
 hide the satisfaction the knowledge
 gives him. Yes, he pities the rest of
 us human beings who can't walk the
 straight line because Father Adam l stirs within us. but he's mighty glad
 that he isn't one of us. He's 80 pure
 and spotless that it hurts"
 T see that the League has won it's battle to have that brewery sign re-
 moved from Commercial street
 building" interjected Old Man Can tankerous.
 They haven't gone far enough" re-
 piled the philosopher.
 "How's that?" inquired o. M. c. in
 surprise.
 What's the use of painting out a
 sign on the side of building when printed words far more offensive are allowed to remain in the dictionary.
 Now if were member of the Civic League I would certainly appoint my self delegation of one to wait on the trustees of the public library and ask them to censor that famous book MT. Webster wrote. As the father of nine children I want them protected. Think of how I should shudder if one of my youngsters saw such shocking words as beer and ale in the diction- ary. Can't you imagine the torture to my wife's nerves if one of our little boys ran in the house some day and said Ma, what is beer?' Just think of such an ugly word dropping from the innocent lips of the little fellow. Fact is, we would be disgraced in the tneighborhaad and the folks around there would probably think we were a crowd of lowbrows.
 Course, it didn't make so much difference in the old days when peo- pie were made of coarser stuff. I re- member my grand-daddy used to take a nip of good liquor once in while and there wasn't more God-fearin' man in town. And husky? Say, you should see him lift boulders out of field he was clearing for corn. And at prayer meeting on Thursday night you could hear his voice above them all and he sometimes filled the pulpit when the minister wanted to run away for a few weeks rest. And an- other thing, my grand daddy gave lib- erally to the collection every Sunday and kept the minister in vegetables all the year round.
 When I think of all the useless effort by the folks in them days it makes me weep" ..--
 "Useless effort? What do you mean?" asked o. M. c.
 "Oh, just the way they wasted their time trying to do good and be good. Poor old grand daddy. He oPSht iiiOot VI ItC lAiilC tlyill Io lifC as the golden rule would have us live and now to think he's burnin' up in the hot place just because he would take swallow of liquor when he felt the need of it.
 But there's this to be joyful about Them days is gone forever, as the cartoonist in the Herald says. The Devils going to become bankrupt be- cause he ain't going to have any more customers. The Civic League is going to set us all travelling along the straight and narrow path. It wouldn't surprise me if they sent harps to everybody next Christmas so we can practice for the day when we drift through the pearly gates and hear St. Peter say: You from New Britain? Welcome, brother. The Civic League has reserved a block of seats. Take the first aisle to the right and sit as near the front as you wish.' , T tell you, New Britain doesn't ap- preciate the Civic League. It's big thing. Pretty soon we'll have carpets on all the streets, there'll be no cussing in public or private, we'll all learn how to participate in them es- thetic dances which portray the soul in an ecstacy of delight as the poet might say. And instead of going to the movies evenings, we'll spend the time studying the good book. We'll sing no more about the paucity of bananas or any other silly things. In- stead of that we will have neighbor- hood meetings at which everyone can harmonize on o, would I were meadow lark or something like that" The conversation was interrupted by the entry of a stranger who seemed to have something the matter with his fet He looked stonily at the said: Shay, will VT give feller tn price of a feed?" Old Man Cantank- erous said: Let him go to the Civic League, the purveyer of all good on earth" But the philosopher would have none of 1t. "No, that will never do," he said. They'd try to convert him first and by the time they got tired of hearing themselves talk the poor man would die of starvation. Here, stranger, here's four bits. Now beat it."
 The following clipping from a west ern magazine gives one an insight in- to the program of progressiveness fol- lowed by the Omaha, Neb..' business men and might serve as a method to follow in the city of New Britain with to the limited parking of auto mobiles on the Main streets The clip ping reads: