The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-12-08
WITH THE
ALIBI
ARTISTS
THE TRAFFIC COURT
IN CROSS SECTION
Read 'Ena and Worry
Being a Skeleton Record Of
Cases Tried in Judge
Schuldt's Tribunal.
By DONALD McDOUGAL
Sidesteps Tureen.

SAO0SG0pS Ture0n.
Remember about the car that
ran up Fourteenth street across
Buchanan, slammed a pedestrian
and then knocked a parked car
over on top of a bystander and
crippled him for life? Remember
there was something mysterious
about who was driving it? Well.
the mystery is explained. No ons
was driving it. There never was
q more legally established fact
than this that nc one was driving
that car.
Great Stuff, Evidence.
There was man and a woman
in the front seat of the car. The
lady was tried last Wednesday and
acquitted because she wasn't driv-
ing, according to the evidence. The
man was tried today that's yes
terday when you read thiSl and he
was acquitted because he wasn't
driving, either, according to the
evidence.
All Going Out.
At the lady's trial four witnesses
testified that "a man with a white
cap was driving. That let the
lady out for all time. Under the
law verdict of mot guilty" stands
for keeps. You can't be tried over
again, no matter what happens.
When the man was tried today
four witnesses testified that the
lady was driving. That let the
man out for all time. So it's
legally established that neither Cf
them was driving. Hence, it's
legally established that the car was
driving itself.
Ghost Control Motors, Inc.
A thing like that is worth ga
ting a patent on. Think of all the
chauffeurs' wages you could saysl
And think of all the damage claims
you could save, too, when the
spook-steered contraption goes had
and cr1pples someoneI
Billy PattersOn's Plight.
Let's hope a mighty hope that
the use of these demon-driven
machines doesn't become epidemic
In Washington. It's hair-raising
to think of standing quietly and
law -abidingly on the sidewalk in
the broad light of noon and be
changed in one sizzling second
from happiness and health and
ambition to crutch-creeping
cripple, and find after months of
suffering and litigation and testi-
Tying and browbeating on the
witness stand that not a soul on
topside of earth is responsible for
your misery.
Oh! Congress, Congress!
If such things can be done in
conformity with the traffic laws.
then in the name of all that's
halfway decent change the traf-
fc laws so such things cannot
be done in conformity with them.
And If the traffic laws already
forbid such things then search
out the perpetrators and punish
them. And that's all the preach
ing the Alibi Man is going to do.
May He Laugh Last.
Both the lady and the man who
were in the car have had a fair
and impartial trial, and they have
uceu acquitted OF criminal re-
sponsibility in the case. So let 1t
be. The Alibi Man extends to the
defendants his congratulations on
their acquittal, and to the VIC
tim, his heartfelt sympathy: and
roots for a favorable outcome of
the pending civil suit that some
measure of relief may be afforded
him in his distress.
Let Us Here Highly Resolve.
And we must all remember that
the faintest flicker of fortunes
left eyelash or a seconds forget
fulness Of the speed law may land
any of US, Unfortunately, in
the distressful condition of either
the defendants or the victim in
this affair and watch our step
and speedometer-accordingly. Or
is that preaching, too?