davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
BONEHEADERS

How are va, Jack? How's every
thin?
Everythin's fine. old scout.
How's things with you? How 9
the family?
Family? o, the famly's o. K,
'cept the wife-she's got neuralgy-
an Ella-she's got the grip-an'
Jimmy-he's got the mumps-an'
Amy-she's sprained her ankle.
Family fine; how's yours?
o.. mine? Well, they amt 50
good. as they was last year at this
time. Complainin' quite a lot but
they keep goin' pritty fair-out to
q dance, or the movies or some
eociable near ev'ry night. How
you feelin', OF kid?
o, me? I'm feeIin' pritty fair,
considerin'. Feet hurt me a lot
Couldn't do much in one of them
eVerlastin' dance shindigs. Got q
headache, too, but outside Of that
I'm feelin' fine. S'pose you're fee.-
in like a fightin' cock, too. what?
Me, oh, yep. I gotta lota zip.
feel pritty good 'cept an attack OF
dysDepsy that makes me feel like
I'd swallered half brick or a hunk
of concrete. An l got a touch Of
lumbager in my back. Yep, I'm
feelin' pritty fine, oil timer.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
COUNT TEN
BEFORE

Blowing your own horn in a traf-
fic court.
Surprising the wife by bringing
home a half dozen friends to din
ner.
Naming the baby after your old
sweetheart.
Refusing consent to your daugh-
ter's marriage with a butcher.
Telephoning when you can writs.
Inviting your boss 70 cit ~ .
poker game.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
THE WORLD WE
LIVE IN
RY Dave SentI1er.


"HE United States is quite
satisfied to watch the league
of nations from the bloach.
ers.
Censorship begins at home.
Z Eddy Kett says well dressed
man has a vest for every meal.
It's easier to fly across the
continent than to fly across the
street
A cloud with a silver lining
deserves to be operated on.
American language translated:
Driving a bargain is when q taxi
driver gets an intoxicated out of
town passenger for a fare.
The crime wave has a pretty
good press agent.
The early worm can pick his
own apple.
These official weather fore
casters ought to make great
fishermen.
The only thing big enough TO
spill off a restaurant plate IL the
gravy.
It's hard luck when a black
cat crosses the path Of a bull
dog.
A hobo gets vaccinated against
an epidemic Of paydays.
Spare the rod and spoil the
hairbrush.
Only two piece bathing suits
for women to be allowed in At
lantic City. Now the girls will
have to carry two envelopes.
A man who stands UP in q ca
noe may be fool, but gondola
chauffeur makes his living that
way.
A golf club is made up cut OF
searching parties.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
A New Definition.

Johnny--Father, what is a Sc.
cret order?
Father-A secret order, my boy,
IN when you slip the waiter a ten
spot to bring you bottle Of Scotch
on the sly.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
Something In That.

When Molly spent her wages on
New clothes she got the dickens:
"Why. mother dear" said Molly
then,
Fine feathers make fine chick
ems"
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

My complexion is a part of my
stock in trade. I notice that it
IS much easier to get a job if
you're easy to look at. Also much
easier to keep one.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
gunpowder.

Cupid is still using the anti
Guated dart, but his score is won
derful.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

Since Elsa got married she goes
around with a scent dog on a
50-cent leash. Wouldn't these
swells make you squirm?
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
By FIOssie Flapper

~ OMETIMES 1 am in doubt as
- to which is really the more
~ dangerous-face powder or
gunpowder.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

These antiques who pose as
flappers ought to be home, keep
ing the grandchildren out of mis-
chief.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

George isn't what you d. call
handsome, nothing like a collar
ad at all, but he's live wire.
Most of the pretty boys get out
of the way when he honks his
horn.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

If girls weren't born manhunt-
ers they'd be better pals. The
E trouble is that several of them
have an eye on one man at the
same time.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

What is the charge against
this MANI" demanded the judge
as Moses Casey was brought be-
fore the court.
Driving his car wtthsasR =
license, Your Honor" replied the
traffic cop.
Have you anything to say for
yourself?" Numbered the Judge.
Yes, Your Honor" replied
Moses, my wife tore uD the
license"
your wife tore 1t upw ex-
claimed the Judge. Doesn't she
know that such tricks win land
you in jail?"
Sure" said Moses, but she
says belong there, anyway"
That's terrible" sympathizsd
the judge. Il know how you feel
because my wife goes through
my pockets, too. I'll give you a
special permit so that the traffic
officers won't modest you in the
future"
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

After watching the way some
people work / wonder that they
have the nerve to take a vacation.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

The young man who says it so
persistently with chocolates had
better speak for himself.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

The alarm clock is a necessary
evil. 1 put one over on mine by
keeping it three-quarters of an
hour fast.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

was out in a car with George
the other night. He got ticket
from a cop. Was trying to make
the speedometer act like merry
go-round. l had warned him. And
yet you hear them yelling that
women are wild and haven't any
sense.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

/ don't care much about widow
ers-or used cars.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

The boss daughter, Alyse, has
O new dog, Homely? You've said
it. But then, look at the husband
she picked.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

The boss sister called at the
office yesterday. She looks like
a string bean; but when it comes
to parading the oh-my clothes
she's the real thing.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

A gold band oftentimes turns
out to be brass band.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

Tessie A has sprung the most
amazing earrings I've ever seen.
They are long, flat, black, triangu-
lar pendants set with rhinestones.
She's as conspicuous as an cleo
trio sign.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

Many fashionable dame would
rather have a twin-six than six
twins.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

I know plenty of girls who'd
like to hitch their wagons to
movie star.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
AS They Do
In Utopia
By Les Conklin.

<ENOo morning, Mr.. James"
said Felix whiffleberry.
~ as he entered the town
garage. II dropped in to help
you overhaul the car 90 could
take the family out for q little
drive this afternoon"
THE works all DONE" replied,
Jesse James, the owner Of the
garage. "I worked on it until
midnight so it would be al ready
for you this morning"
How much Is the bill?" In
quired Mr.. Whiffleberry.
Fifteen dollars answered
Jesse.
But isn't there some mis-
take?", protested Mr.. Waffle
berry. Lest week you told me
that it would cost at least $50 to
have the car overhauled, and
more if you had to work over
time"
ITO tell the truth, was lying"
said Jesse as he hung his head.
IT went to a revival yesterday
and got religion. After this I'm,
going to take only an honest
profit, and I want you to forgive
me for all I've overcharged you
in the past"
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

Only two piece bathing suits
for women to be allowed in At
lantic City. Now the girls will
have to carry two envelopes.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16
Fips From
A Flapper

/ A Flapper
By FlOssie Flapper
~ OMETIMES l am in doubt as
- to which is really the more
~ dangerous-face powder or
gunpowder.
Cupid is still using the anti
Guated dart, but his score is won
derful.
1 don't care much about widow
ers-or used cars.
George isn't what you d. call
handsome, nothing like a collar
ad at all, but he's a live wire.
Most of the pretty boys get out
of the way when he honks his
horn.
After watching the way some
people work 1 wonder that they
have the nerve to take a vacation.
The alarm clock is a necessary
evil l put one over on mine by
keeping it three-quarters of an
hour fast.
The boss sister called at the
office yesterday. She looks like
a string bean; but when it comes
to parading the oh-ny clothes
she's the real thing.
know plenty of girls who'd
like to hitch their wagons to a
movie star.
Tessie A has sprung the most
amazing earrings I've ever seen.
They are long, flat, black, triangu-
lar pendants set with rhinestones.
She's as conspicuous as an cleo
trio sign.
A gold band oftentimes turns
out to be a brass band.
The boss doughter, Alyse, has
O. new dog, Homely? You've said
IT. But then, look at the husband
she picked.
If girls weren't born manhunt.
ers they'd be better pals. The
trouble is that several of them
have an eye on one man at the
same time.
was out in a car with George
the other night. He got ticket
from a cop. Was trying to make
the speedometer act like merry
go-round. had warned him. And
yet you hear them yelling that
women are wild and haven't any
sense.
Many a fashionable dame would
rather have a twin-six than six
twins.
The young man who says it so
persistently with chocolates had
better speak for himself
These antiques who pose as
flappers ought to be home, keep
ing the grandchildren out of mis-
chief.
Since Elsa got married she goes
around with a scent dog on a
50-cent leash. Wouldn't these
swells make you squirm?
My complexion is a part of my
stock in trade. I notice that it
IS much easier to get a job if
you're easy to look at. Also much
easier to keep one.
| BONEHEADERS
How are va, Jack? How's every
thin?
Everythin's fine, old scout.
How's things with you? How =
the family?
Family? o, the fam'ly's o. K,
'cept the wife-she's got neuralgy-
an Ella-she's got the grip-an'
Jimmy-he's got the mumps-an'
Amy-she's sprained her ankle.
Family fine; how's yours?
o.. mine? Well, they amt 50
GOOD n. fLayy ru,oe Lot
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

Spare the rod and spoil the
hairbrush.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

A man who stands up in a ca
noe may be a fool, but a gondola
chauffeur makes his living that
way.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

<<TooD morning, Mr.. James"
said Felix whiffleberry,
~ as he entered the town
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

A hobo gets vaccinated against
an epidemic of paydays.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

"HE United States Is quite
satisfied to watch the league
- of nations from the bloach-
ers.
The Washington times., 1923-05-16

It's hard luck when a black
cat crosses the path Of a bull
dog.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
READ THIS FIRST.

Lee Clavering, WelI-known dra-
matte critic, while at the OPEN
ing night Of q new play observes
q woman in the audience who
attracts his interest to an un-
usual degree. He wonders who
abe Is .and whether when she
turns her full face she will be
ns attractive rs the shape Of her
head and her pOise seem to prom
lse.
He discovers through q friend
That the beautiful stranger bears
Q striking resemblance to Mary
Ogden, Countess Zattiany, years
ago the reigning beauty Of New
York, but the friend swears she
can't be MaFy's daughter. He
acts as though he has seen u
ghost. Clavering suggests = So
Ciety leader, Mrs. OgIeth0rpe, be
asked to solve the mystery. She
consented and calls on the fair
unknown, but learns nothing.
Clavering froIIOws Mary homo
from the. theater and aids her to
enter her house as she has lost
her key. She invites him in and
admits she is Countess Zattiany.
Clavering finds himself hopeless
" in love with her.
NOW CONTINUE:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
ADVERTISEMENT.

The fact that Nuxated Iron 10 today
being used by over four million people
annually and that SO many physicians
are prescribing 1t as a tonic strength
and blood builder in weak, nervous, rum
down conditions has led to an investlga-
ton of its merit by designated physi-
clans and others whose reports should
be of great Importance Ito the public
generally. Among these IL the state
ment made by DR.. James Francis Sui
Ivan, formerly physician of Bellevue
Hospital Outdoor Dept.), New York, and
Westchester County Hospital, who says:
when one patient after another began
asking my opinion of Nuxated Iron
resolved to go thoroughly into the sub
jcct, and find out for myself whether or
not it possessed the real value claimed
by it's manufacturers and attested TO py
so many prominent people. This 70
exactly what believe every honest.
conscientious physician should do before
prescribing or lending his Endorsement 20
any product whatsoever. II an article rs
worthless we practitioners ought to De
the first TO know of 1t and IL 1t IL effica-
cious we are in duty bound to recon-
mend it for the welfare of our patients.
A study of the composition OF the
Nuxated Iron formula 80 impressed me
with the therapeutic efficacy OF the pro-
duct that / Immediately tested 1t IN o
number of obstinate cases. So quickly
did il increase the strength energy ana
Endurance of the patients to whom IT was
administered that I became firmly con-
yinced OF its remarkable value as
tonic and blood builder. I have since
taken IL myself with excellent results
There are Thousands of delicate. nervous
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
MARRIAGE LTCENSES.

The following persons were licensed
yesterday to marry: Unless otherwise
indicated they are from the District of
!. Lamar Beaver. u. ana Adrsa &.
stalnaker. 81, Montrose. w. v. new.
John j. Varga, IS. bridgeport, Coma,
and Minnie Clifford. %. Baltimore. Rev.
chs 1; .'S ". philips. d, ana Margaret
r. Carter. Ss both Of Richmond. Va.
Rev. j. Ri Clark.
nard. IS. Rev. +. J. Duffy.
william =: cads. g. and HsIsn G.
John q. Altman, 20, Rocky Mount, Va,
ana Sarah a. Beckham, ~. Rev. ). 3.
Kenneth i. Blakesles. 30. New York
City, and katherine Narnard. -. Rev.
Wiliiam Lewis, s., steuSenvilIe. Ohio.
and Bessie Weston, s.. FoEnoida. Ola.
Rev. C. "A. DeVaughn.
Temple l. Purks, %. ana Esther ~.
Powers; q. both q Richmond, We. Rev.
Ionic Hon1h. a. ana EdIth n. rhomp-
son. 20. Bladensburg. Nd. Rev. W. b.
Clarence L. King, u. ana Marie D.
etokley, Is. Rev. ]. ID Willea.
Kenneth s. BlakeBlee, -. of New
York. NJ T. and Katherine Barnard,
william n. Cade. ss. ana Helen c.
Davies. 80. Rev. II. D.. Randolph
John Brodig Altman, %, OF Rocky
Mount, Va. and Sarah Abigail Beckham.
~. Rev. J. s. Montgomery.
garet a: Daiy. e. Rev. =: G. Burke
Timothy Aloysius DriBcoIL r., IS and
Margaret Agnes Welsh. az Of ElkriAwe
Md. Rev. n. B. German.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
SCREENSKASER
AND FAMILY
At DOOM
international News Reel C
Loew's Columbia Features
Exclusive Pictures.

IoeW,s Columbia, beginning to-
morrow, win have as an additional
feature to Chaplin's "A Woman Of
Paris, international News Reals
exclusive scoop Of intimate pictures
Of the former kaiser In exile 1T
Doom.
Theses pictures win show the
former war lord Quitting his land
OF exile: the house at Doom, strong
III guarded: the 'IEAieerin'' ana her,
family; the all.highest pacing his
estate, fretfully as though the outer
world beclkCned.
There are also pictures OF the
once mighty army which took his
commands and. BY contrast. the
Quaking gardener listening to his
days orders; only obedient survivor
Of an empire which bowed when
the kaiser spoke. There are many
other intimate views OF the dc.
throned king in his asylum.
In addition there will be various
snapshots called from the weeks
outstanding news events. Several
of these are taken I'm Washington
Loew's ColuIp5ia Is the only the
alter showing first-run releases OF
international Newsreel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
ADVERTISEMENT.
What is Nuxated Iron?
They Are Taking-PracticaI Advice on What 20
Do to Build Up Your Strength Power and Enour
ance and Increase the Red Blood CorpuscLes. $

rundown folks who need Just sucl 2
nrepa ration as this but do not KNOW Nnal
70 take Therefore, have ureentiy eu ~
~o.tad the Widespread publication g the
sworn statement OF the cGmposisigSn y
It's formula SO that the pubic may kn0W
What they are taking. Tnis .compiete
Torn,,ls js now to be found IN news
naners throughout the country M -
comnosed principally or organic M0n n
tpn foTm Of iron peptonate OF special
snecific standard and glycer0pnospnetee
s.I1Stnh a. one of the most costly tonic
Wnlcn known. TO the credit Of the
ne the most expensive form OF IRON
nsntonate. whereas. by employing otner
poa ses thay could have put the same
nnmsntitv Of actual iron. in the TABLETS a.
inss than one-fourth the cost ana oy
nsinr metallic iron they could have e
I Inansd the cost to less than one-twelfth.
S',t Lv thus cheapeninG the product they
would undoubtedly have impairsa ITS
therapeutic efficacy. IN my opinion E
carafnI examination OF this formula oy
INV nhvsician or pharmecist should con-
S,iTca Him that Nuxated IRON y 20 e
oiaced among the very highest class and
1pnost strictly ethical preparations knoWn
20 hav ee ever used for building up the
avstsm ana increasing the red blood
oornmsclas. thereby enrtching ana toFtl-
SvinS the hood against the ravages OF
disasse n-Peoples Drug stores.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17

william Thinker. 30 years. Trsedmsn's
Hospt.
Margaret Mooney. sE. LittIe Sisters IL
James Frazier. SIS, 1901 Ma. ave. n
Charles Al. Green. 81. 1870 91nd ri NV
Charles =. Snellinga 81. AgriouiturS
William Landrum McFariand, e. afl7
Leroy place NV.
Mamie Ryce. Is, 1898 ssrd sk nv.
Daisy Harding. II. GeOrget0Wu H0spt.
Jeanne Harvey, 8, Sib1ey Hoept.
Stafford Parker. 76, 213 = st. ~.
Joseph Cartwright Beckett. o.. 11s4
18th ct. NV.
Cora L. Blake IS, FreedInen.s Hoapt.
May Cobb, 46, 1856 Sth 81. nv.
Infant OF Charles and Aasnio Wmfrin,
hours, Freedmen's Hospt
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
BIG CROWD EXPECTED At
SHRINE CIRCUS CLOSING

With answers to all interesting
topics pertaining to the Shrine
circus assured tonight, an immense
outpouring is looked for at Con-
vention Hall. where the big show
has been under way for the past
two weeks, and in order to keep
traffic in the vicinity clear. q spe-
cial detachment from Almas Temple
has been conscripted by L. p.
Steuart. illustrious potentate. to as
sist the police.
The winners Of all contests will
be made known during the evening,
and as some Of these have been
most spirited the capacity Of the
hall is expected to be tested.
The John w. Moore's shows, fea-
ture attraction Of the entertain
ment, will preesnt their entire cast
in the final number.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
CHAPTER TX.

When Clavering and Dinwiddie
arrived at the Ogden house Judge
Trent was already there and
mixing cocktails in the library.
He was a large man who must
have had a superb figure before
1t grew heavy. He wore the
mustache OF his generation and
in common with what was left
OF his hair it glistened like crys.
tai. His black eyes were still
very bright and his full loose
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
80 STUDENTS DISCIPLINED
FOR YALE WlNE-MAKlNC

NEW HAVEN, Conn, Nov. IT,
Thirty Yale students have been dis
ciplined for having fermented grape
juice in their rooms. The number
Of classes they may cut has been
reduced.
The juice was peddled on the cam
pus with directions as to making
it potent.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17

function. Theirs at least the
privileges Of approach; and their
deathless masculine conceit- when
all was said, Natures supreme
gift OF compensation never fall
tered.
Experimenting.
1t crossed Clavering's mind that
she was experimenting on her
own account, not merely bewild.
ering and enthralling these estim-
able gentlemen Of her mothers
generation. But why? Joining
casually in the conversation, or
quite withdrawn, he watched her
with increasing and now quite
impersonal interest. He almost
fancied she was making an effort
to be something more than the
polite and amiable hostess, that
she was deliberately striving to
see them az men who had q per-
feet right to fascinate 81 woman
Of her age and loneliness. Wen,
1t had happened before. Elderly
men Of charm and character had
won and kept women fully thirty
years their junior. Possibly she
belonged to that distinguished
minority who refused to be en-
-1o,,nS 49, 49, o~nRnrrA ASnn that
iron code devised by fore-thinlxing
men when earth was young and
scantily peopled. /" Still
why this curious eagerness. this
1T was indecipherabIe
no doubt his lively imagination
was playing him tricks. Probably
she was merely sympathetic :
And then, toward the end Of
the dinner, her manner changed.
although too subtly for any but
the detached observed to notice
it. To Clavering she seemed to go
dead under her still animated
face. He saw her eyes wander
from Dinwiddie's bald head to
Osborne's flattened cheek =
her lips curled, a look Of
fierce contempt flashed in her
eyes before she hastily lowered
the lids He fancied she
was glad to rise from the table.
Go Be Continued Monday
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
Novel Tells How
Beauty Returned
| to Old Woman

This Serial Is Presented by Ar
Angement with Associated First
National Pictures, Inc, in WhOso
Film Version COrinne Griffith VIII
Appear as Countess Zattiany.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-17
VIII.


Tommy rot. Don't believe
word of it. Mary's mother was
enc Of the Thornhills. Don't be
Heve there ever was a Virginia
branch. But I'll soon find out,
Also about this Josef Zattiany.
That girl is Mary ogden's daugh-
ter"
They were seated in a corner
Of Mr.. Dinwiddie's favorite club.
where they had met by appoint
ment. Clavering shrugged his
shoulders. He had no intention
Of communicating his own doubts.
but you'H dine there tonight7''
Wont I? And I'll keep my
ears OPEN"
clavering privately thought that
the Countess Josef zattiany would
be more than a match for him,
but replied: after all, what does
It matter? She is a beautiful and
charming woman and no doubt
you'll have a very good dinner
That's all very well as far as
q goes, but I've never been so
interested in my life. 0f course
II she's Mary's daughter I'll do
anything to befriend her-that is
II she'll be honest enough to adj
NIT it. But I don't like this ly-
Ing and pretence
''I think your terms are too
strong. There have been extra
ordinary resemblances before IN
the history Of the world doubles
Tor instance, where there was no
known relationship. Rather re.
markable there are enough faces
60 go round. And she confesses
TO be of the same family. At all
events you must admit that she
has not made use of her aIibi to
force her way into society"
Probably knows her alibi won't
stand the strain. The women
would soon ferret out the truth.
.. What I'm afraid OF is that
she's got this power Of attorney
out of Mary when the poor girl
was too weak to resist, and is
over here to corral the entire
fortune"
"oh. Trent! He's fool
where women are concerned.
But surely Judge Trent"
Always was, and now he's got to
the stage where he can't sit beside
q girl without paving her. They
won't have him in the house. OF
course, this lovely creatures got
Z Him under her thumb. TN see
him today and give him a piece
Of my mind for the lies he's told
mel And if this girl has inherited
her mothers brains, she's equal
TO anything"
"I thought that your Mary was
composite perfection"
Never said anything Of the
sort. Didn't I tell you she always
kept us guessing? I sometimes
used TO think that il it hadn't
been for her breeding and the
standards that involves, and her
wealth and position, she'd have
made a first-cIass adventures"
She was a good Har?"
''She was insolently truthful,
but I'm certain she wouldn't have
hesitated at a whopping lie IL it
would have served her purpose.
She was certainly rusee."
well, the dinner should be
highly interesting with all these
undercurrents. I'll call for you at
q quarter past eight. must run
now and do my column.
Brutal.
Clavering. often satirical and
ironic, was positively brutal that
afternoon. The latest play, book
moving picture, the inefficiency
Of the New York police, his affIict
ing correspondents, were hacked tc
the bone. When he had finished
his Jangling nerves were unac
eountably soothed. Other nerve.
would shrek next morning. Lei
'em. He'd been honest enough
and II he chose to use a battle-a,