The Penn's Grove record., 1923-11-23
The Hired Man
Speaks Again
In His Own Language He Tells of
His Eye-Full In a Squint At
'"The Travelin' Public"

Well as eye have bin a doin a con
siderble lot ov squintin an a view
ov the travelin public for sum sp,
back, eye thaut as how maybe Id
better tell yu somthin ov what W
found out about an scene an heerd II
ov.
In the first place the travellin pull
lie is principly maid up ov the NJ
bunch ov us, leastwise the ones ov u
waht have a good set ov legs tn pro
pei us with. Them as amt got enn
legs ether ride or stay tn hom. A
eye waz a sain pretty much al ov u
blong tn the travlin public an tax u
al in a heep we as a hui lot Xix In
guns, bein so menna difrent hos
powers that ar sum what seam tn b
abel tn du a hui lot lik tina mite b.
forty or fifty boss power or moul
Others seam to be out ov gas most o.
the time and don't du nuthin much bu
back fire.
We mite be cumpiared tn guns, beiI
az that IL so menna difernt calabearE
ov us. Sum attempt to hit a mark
wac off, but the most ov ur JUS
twentytu shorts, an our powder IL a
burnt up afore we git emma start.
Sum folks max a big sho in the
world an leave a plane path after
thin, boot legars for i~nstants, tha
leav markers al along the rode an he'd
stones tn.
The biggest part ov us leav about az
much ov a mark in the wurld az an
]ottermobul on a cement rode, or a
fish in the water. Speakin ov fish re-
minds me that emu fish a SWIM
down streme but it takes a live won
to swim up.
Eve ges God had sumthin to du
with the most ov us bein here, tho
sum folkes clame that tina spung from
munkeys. Maybe tina did, but eye ges
BY the looks ov sum ov them that THAR
spring waz weak, but eye don't like tn
munkey with sumthin eye don no
much abot for fere ide make a mum
key ov myself.
Take the t~ravelin public up won
sid and down the other, with al THAR
short comins and long coins, tina ar a
pretty decent bunch. Now as eye hav
lowered pretty much the hui ground in
gineral an not sed much about no
body in pertickler, lie start in an tel
some things about bird men an others.
Some folks think that we ar an ignur-
ant lot an don't no nOthin much, but
faint so. No sire faint, but thar ar a
hui lot ov okese what am bird men
what liv in fine houses an ride IN
fords an hav planners an buz saws
an things. But speakin ov planners
reminds me ov hous cleanin tim which
IL the wurst time Ov the year for a
teller has to lift an haul an tug at a
nine hundred pound pianner while the
misses takes the rug out or puts back.
That is if he amt onto the job. Ii he
IL heel watch hiz chanc an sneek out
tn the barn. tina no hees gon an he
kan get hiz latertude an longertude
better from a distance than he kan IN
the parler an not hurt hiz back.
Tha ar severl kinds ov bird men.
One kind sci themselves tn Unkel Sam
fur to or three yeres an hafto du jest
az he SeZ or be put in the c%alaboose a
spell.
Back when it WaZ open season on CIR
mems he sent sum oy hiZ bird men
over tn girmeny tn du sum huntin fur
him which tina did. Sum OVEN broat
sun ov THAR game HON which waZ
mostly girmen birds. That just provs
up just what sum Teller sed when he
potched sum british. He sed as hou
We've met the enemy an tina ar hours.
A well equipt bird man duz work
kinda on the side line. After hees
chaste hiz straw hat severl tins, got
hiz shuze properly tide and lit to or
tire packs sigerets and fXt hiz spen-
ders heel du sum work providin it
amt dark yet.
Thares other foxes what blong tn
the travelin public what atrack a lot
of tensun specify at mele time tina ar
the RESTRAINT keepers. The name
keepers IL rite for tina don't Civ yu
much an tina travel a long waze
for what tina du Civ yu judgin from
the tim at takes I'm to git back. In
places when yu go out the back
Ov yure stomach an the front ov yure
back is so close tugether that its
hard tn tel whether yuve got the
stomach or backake.
Then theirs the shop keaper whose
got jist what you want
whether yu want it or not an hiz
goods ar alwaze al wool an a yarde
wide, even if THAR thurty inches wide
anu Uldlu U COIIOl. IllL SIIuLt JlSI III
if tina du Civ yu bunyons an Gus words
an hav souls maid ov paper.
Thars dintists and doctors, theze
felers ar the wons that yu amt got
emma use fur at al unles yu ar sick or
got the tuth axe. Then yu don't want
UNI.
One thing about dintists IL yu hav
tn go to hiz den an if yure tuth stops
akin or hees out yu kan doge him, but
the doctor cumz tn yure hous an tells
yu to go tn bed, sumthin that yuve
been a doin everyda for thirty or sixth
yeres. Then he givs yu sumthin tn
make yu sick, coleks hiz bill an goze
hiz wa a leaavin yu down an yure
pockets empti. Thars lawyers which
blong tn the ~travelin public. Thu ar
the most Independent ov tina hui crowd
tina hav evry thing THAR own wa kan
kal yu ennathing that tina want tn an
yu kant sa nothin back, only jist what
tina ak yu. If yu du tina holer con
TENT ov cort an fine va ten dolerz.
Sum lawers ar al rite tn yu, as long
as yu hav mony tn Civ EN-. When
yure mony is gon tina ale sci to the
ill.,. fo1lo.