davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
Growls Of a
Crouch

r NEVER like 70 have anybody
give me anything for Christ
- mas unless it IL something
that ID expensive and worth
while.
l don't believe that people are
free or thAt they are equal or
b that they ever have been or viii
be, and every movement that has
sought to make them 90 has
broken up in = row.
l believe the best way to lose
interest in any form of music IL
to hear it over = radio machine.
/ am not a prohteer and neither
are you, but everybody else is.
/ am never going to publish q
book and thereby am going to
fool my enemies and not Give
them a chance at me.
I do not have to go to lectures
delivered by European celebrities.
/ know in advance what they are
going to say = hat it il going
to make me sore.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
Maize the Manicure

<To you happen to make
the large piece Of
Roquefort who occupied
this chair Just ahead Of you?
No? Well, that bird certainly
has got a long way to go before
he has Coal Oil Johnny or Death
Valley Scotty tied"
whats the matter with him ?"
"Not a thing in the world. Old
Mr.. Rockefeller probably would
say this bird is all right. Mr..
Rockefeller claims that every
man should ought to save twenty
per cent Of his income. This bird
just reverses that and spends
twenty per cent. If Old Scrooge
was alive now he would go and
jump on the dock with envy.
'This philAnthropist has been
making some very loud talk ever
since the Fourth Of July about
how he 10 going to loosen up
around Christmas time. He has
got all the BARRIERS doing the
Camel Walk whenever he comes
in the place, and they give him
everything on the shelf except
the ticket rack, and they put it
all on his twenty-cent shave
check for the reason that he puts
~ this loud squawk about what
) going 70 do at Christmas
time
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21

and the porter shined him three
times.
81 gave him the best dull finish
on his nails that had ever
turned out, and when we all get
through with him he says he will
drop in Christmas morning, which
is the next day, for a light shave
and for US all to be good until
that time Well, we are still talk
ing about them ten-dollar and
twenty-dollar gold pieces when
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21

we shut up the shop that night.
"The next day we keep open
till noon, and some of US hung
around until pretty near 2
o'clock, but he does not show.
And che day after Christmas l
see him in a movie, very conf
Dental, with a young lady who
looks like she might be married
TO him or something.
"Well, to-day is the first time
this Cornelius w. Vanastorbilt
has been in this shop since Christ
mas, and what do you think of
the stall he put up to me?
"He says he is sorry, but he
was called away on Christmas
Day to Oklahoma to bury a dead
uncle, and he could not get
around here with that Christmas
tip. / did not remind him that /
had seen him in a movie the next
day after Christmas.
"'I would have liked to have
give you a nice piece of money
for Christmas, Mazie,' he says,
but, being away in Oklahoma, l
could not give it to you in time
for Christmas, and it wouldn't be
hardly proper for me to give it to
you at any other time, now,
would it?'
al never take money from
strangers | says, and ! guess it
10 Just as well that | DON'T
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
Famous American Fallacies

TVHAf people who never
drank before 60 to Europe
for that purpose.
That nothing will satisfy the
appetite Of colored minister but
chicken.
That ignorant foreigners who
come here don't know how to
count money.
That q man 10 . sap who does
not belong to some golf club in
the suburbs.
That all the darki9s In the
South long for the good old
slavery days.
That America can't lose q war,
no matter how unprepared for it
she may be.
Copyright. 1S1S. by Star o.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
By De Vaux Thompson

We'll, never mind he says,
T probably won't have no uncle
dying next Christmas and we win
make up for it then
81 don't know what kind Of
q stall he gave the barber that
took care of him to-day, but he
was wreck when he. got, out Of
the chair. His hair was parted
crooked, there was a lot of stub
BILE here and there on his chin
and his necktie was full Of lather.
The porter does not see him at all
and ne gets into his own over
coat.
"But, you'd be surprised how
many regular customers go away
over the holidays. Some go to
Raspberry Park and some to At
lantic City, but most of them go
around the corner to q strange
shop for a couple of weeks dur
ing the Christmas tipping sea-
son."
"Well, Maize, I was away over
Christmas, too, but / saved some
thing for you. Of course, it
wouldn't be just right to give you
money any other time than
Christmas because you never
take money from strangers"
"Well. l guess it will be all
right just this once. never did
look upon you as q stranger, you
know"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21

and he spreads all them coins out
on my table here and the BARRIERS
all gather round and give Il the
Once-over and make admiring re-
marks, and this bird says: well,
boys, to-norrow's the big day.
and ne gets more service in this
shop in the next hour and a half
than the Maharajah of Singapore
or whoever he is.
81 never see so much barber
ing done on one man in my life,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21

That the man in the box Office
saves the two worst seats just for
you.
That no political speaker in
the country knows what he is
talking about.
That you always get soaked if
you order your meat over the
telephone.
That no chorus girl in the
country has q real mother living
with her.
That IN editor is always look
ing for something to fill up the
paper.
That magazine editors will
some day drop the idea Of
"pretty-gifl' covers.
D1-AAa
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
Land Of Real
Gambling

Whey say marriage q
gamble and rnaybe II q.
Il depends : good BIZ On
who il dealing.
But. in China, II Is nothing less
than : gamble 81 magnificent and
almost unbelievable proportions
The boy emperor 81 China,
Hsuan Tung, now an emperor BY
brevet, u what would Be called
In this country : hot sport. He
married . young woman whose
face he had never seen. During
the marriage ceremony she nm
yelled for the first time when
It was too late for him to back
ont. She was picked out for him
by the elder statesmen Of his
dynasty.
Americans have the reputation
Of being long sports who viii bet
on which way q fly viii crawl or
whether it will rain at two o'clock
in the afternoon on the third day
Of the. following July
But can you imagine any
American taking 4 chance like
that taken BY the young emp7-
WowI
In 3 good many cases an
American Il taking ! long shot
when he narries the Girl and ia
able to look her square in the
face.
That doesn't always imply that
be learns anything about her
beauty.
The Art Of camouaage has
reached such i point with the
members Of the fapper circle
that one Of them can fnake herr
self look like the Queen Of Sheba,
Mary Pickfcrd, Kitty Gordon Or
Marie Antoinette, taking her
choice OF the various types Of
puIchritude.
What young lady looks like
even without . veil Is no indica
ton.
And d man hasn't chance to
retaliate. When he goes court
ing, he first visits . barber and
GETS i close shave, down to the
blood, and ! haircut, and his
face Is IS naked IS ! ,st1rdy and
lnotted oak in January, II he
has aeroplane ears, they cannot
hide discreetly behind anything.
Forestry appears where il grows,
be his forehead high Or low and
d not juggled to look like lot
when there is only . little.
when he falls on his knees
before the object Of his adora-
ton, his bald-spot, It any, e -
modest and retiring as . motion
picture moon.
The lady has . chance to give
him the up. and down and decide
whether she can bring herself to
the point Of forgetting.
The only place where men have
an equal chance in this regard
Is in Russia. where men generally
hide their facial characteristics
behind whiskers, but even there
the women can get line on thsir
ears.
No, indeed. Americans are
gamblers and dead game sports,
but they viii never adopt the
! Chinese custom of marrying
women they have never seen.
AS it is, they can get general
idea of the profile and the color
of the eyes, but wells? Never.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-01-21
Doing My
Coue-Coueing
\ AN strong for the Coue treat


ment, and ! am trying to
practice the precepts Of the
order, but, every day, and in
every way, am getting madden
and madden.
/ make an earnest effort to get
the benefit Of the new cult and ]
endeavor to concentrate upon It
with. all my feeble mind every
morning and every night, accord
ing to programme and instruc-
tons.
/ tie twenty knots in q string
and endeayor to say twenty
times: Every day and in every
way, I am better and better" I
try to keep my mind free Of an
ger and Iinger mentally in sweet
ness and light, bearing no sour
thoughts whatever. But, usually,
Il works out like it did this morn
ing.
I had placed myself In the
proper frame Of mind for the
treatment and was thinking only
sweet thoughts and had just ''bst-
ter-and-bettered" for the third
time when my wife knocked at
~
my bedroom door and told me the
plumber was outside with his bill.
After seeing him it took me at
least . half hour to restore my
mental aplomb and then / started
over again on the string. / got
e. far as the fifth .sbetter-and-
better" this time when q large
piece Of plaster fell from our
ceiling. which had been cracked
for three or four years and land
ed within Q foot of me. This
scared the Coue-ing out Of me
for another hour.
I started al over again and
got Is far as the seventh better
and-better" when my wife blew
In with the morning mail. Morn
ing mails should be abolished on
general principles, ! think, but
especially when . man Is Coue-ing
and trying to keep sweet. After
looking over the morning mail l
postponed my Coue-ing for one
hour.
Then, having rsgained my
eOmpesnrs and forgotten the
epen-faeed letters ! had received,
Tbegan back ct the beginning Of
my string, determined to get TO
the twentieth Coue without stop
ping. / got 10 tsbetter-and-bet-
ter No. i8 when the hired girl
told me the Landlord was waiting
without.
Without what 2" / demanded.
without much patience she
replied.
It can readily be seen how my
Coue-ing WIS seriousiy inter-
rupted ct No. IL. It is impossi-
BE for anybody to do any ooue-
ing with . landlord hanging
around.
! hastily donned my dressing
gown and went out to receive my
landlord, and he told. me that
during 1923 nay rent would be
Is berries . month higher than
ever before. That was on ac-
count Of the price Of coal. /
was about TO remark that I could
not sae how the cost Of coal
made any differences TO my land
lord, but eaught myself in time.
There . time 70 be discreet
and . time 10 be fresh.
At ony rate my sweetness of
mind vanished when I saw him,
and Il was fully two hours be-
fore / could compose myself and
stszt my 0oueing ell over agsin.
When ! had reached the tllir-
teeath better and better" again
my wife busted In to announce
tha$ lunch wss ready, and I laid
BrpkAsR Gene sway in moth balls
until after lunch.
! thoroughly agree with the
sheoey and intend to practice II,
but ] IN going 70 selsSt some
iGlanA ~ ih Maine, where there
ag6 - mai deliveries, no teIe-
phoneg nd No landlords. The
R1 Ay q No place for . weak
u1ndad ps0n Hks myself 70 at
Sps - OeuA.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1923-02-26
corte de Distrito de San Juan.
Distrito Primero.
Febrero 20.

i Febrero 70.
Conception Cerra Vida. de Julbe VS..
Jose Diaz Marcilia. Ejecucion, etc.
La Corte dicta orden para que por Ell
Marshal Sc notifqqe al Banco Conner
cial de Puerto Rico sobre la subasta
lque ha de llevarse efecto ell 20 de
MARIO. &
I, El Pueblo. V. Darnaso Aquino De-
tsahucio. Celebrada la primera COM
parecencia con ss;stencia de las par
ties, la Corte senala ell de mario pa
ra la segunda compareeencia.
Santurnino Hontunos VS.. P. R. Am.
Tobacco Co, Dahos y perjuicios A
mocion de las parties, la Corte los tie
ne por desistidas de esta acci6n, sin
costas. &
Angel Marrero VS.. L. Santiago Y
Co. y otros. Injunction. La Corte
senala el 81 del corriente para dis
cutir la exception previa .pendiente.
Harry F. Besosa VS.. Norwich Onion
Fire Ins. etc. Cobro de honorarios.
La Corte senala para ell 2 de mario a
las s a. M. la vista de la mocion me-
dante la cual la demandada solicita
ell levantamiento del embargo practi-
cado v al aprobaci6n de fianza radi-
cada al efecto. s. 4.
Phillip Ell Koury VS.. ). E. Renedicto.
Injunction. A mocion del demandan-
te, la Corte ordena que por ell Seere-
tario de este tribunal sean entregados
al demandante citado 500 consigna-
dos en- Seeretarfa.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1923-02-26
LA pe1MERA cosT1L1A

Es I'm gran misterio humane que la
maXoria del publico desconoce; pero
muy pronto quedara aclarado este gran
misterio con la exhibition de la gran
.obra titulada LA fs1BLIA, Ia cual .ha
resultado ser Ell aeontecimiento mas
grande de 7estos dltimos amos, Esta
gran dbra ha sido "controlada" per
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1923-02-26
debiendo todos los procedimientos no.
tifcarse a dicha parte.

debiendo todos los procedimientos no.
tificarse dicha parte.
Juan del C. Velez VS.. S. ]. Racing
y Sporting Club y Felix A. Gallardo
" otros, interventores. Cobro de dol
lars. Vista la mocion de las parties
en- este case, La Corte tiene al deman-
dante por desistido de su demanda y
a los interventores de su denanda de
Intervention, sin especial condena de
costas.
Manuel Padilla VS.. Rafael Martinez.
Danos y perjuicios. La Corte deses-
TINA la mocion de eliminaci6p del de-
mandado Y lie concede 10 dias para
hacer alegaciones.
Trinidad v Angel de Miranda KS.
Luis Quiara Power v otro. Venta de
propiedad. La Corte ordena que por
ell Secretario Sc expida al Marshal del
Edo. Distrito de San Juan, inanda-
miento de ejecucion de sentencia.
| Avelina de Le6n VS.. Il. Atoy .r.,
Tesorero. injunction. La Corte libra
[auto de injunction rre'iminar oric
Eando al demandado Sc s.hstenga dc
, ordenado por la Comision ,le Indenlni
I, zaciones Obrero;. en- t.anto Sc resuel-
We este pleito 0 haSta nuava order tie
esta Corte, debiendo el denlandante
tprestar fianza per $1,000.
Aurora de la Rosa VS.. de Jimenez.
.Autorizacion Judicial. La Corte con-
cede la peticionaria authorization pa
Ira vender la propiedad que Sc desert
| be On Ia orden.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1923-02-26

Sc ALQUILAN dos habitaciones fres-
cas- V ventiladas en- la calle de la Union
Noe,2 sin, comidas para matrinonio.
Preferible sin niiios. Para ineornes
lame al telefono "a verde, Santurce.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1923-02-26

una acreditada casa alquiladora de Pc
lfculas de San Juan, y muy pronto en-
pezara en- todos los Cines.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02

And the girl is like that young man in the old poem
.Rory O'Moore" wherein he swears to his reproachfu
darling that when he had kissed another colleen he had
shut his ''eyes tight darling, and fancied twas you!
This simple young lady shuts her eyes tight and fancies
her simple young lover is "shek'-the sheik of fame
and romance and movies.
She sees her lover in embroidered jacket and siken
boomers, in all the gorgeousness that with
the sheik of fiction She his fat, lazy mount
champing steed-cream white and gazeleegged, gay in
red leather standing golden deserand instead of in
daisies and meadow She mnarets instead of
farm house gables-a of sand instead of
rolling green hills Her stumbling SPECIFIED, hesitant
lover fiery overwhelming raider fearless ardent,
fire-eating, flowery-tongued knight of the saddle.
SO that why the dream behind the shut eyes of this
lovers sweetheart damages his suit almost beyond
pair because he is not shek" in the first place and
in the second place wins it for him entirely because she
imagines he is! NELL BRINKLEY.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02

Under fruit tree snowy with spring blossoms, in
simple country surroundings, aged gray rock, sit
two very simple young souls. Perhaps it only himself
that is smpe-for the young lady with the shut eyes
listening to his stammering wooing yielding her little
gnghamed shouders>to his reverent fearful, eager
arms, deeper than she looks. Deeper than he thinks
her-for she has seen some movies-which fact if he
only knew it, first damages his almost beyond
pair and then is the very reason for its success.
The boy is wholesome, and that is his only claim to
the halo of romance--outsde Inside-Romeo's heart
beats under his spotty tie aching with unsung music.
He pair of old putties and the pony he
is fat and lazy and old. He did not thunder up,
galump-he just "ambled in sight" His arrival
without romance thrill And he is telling the little
maid with rick-rack the founces of her gingham
dress how much he loves her-there in the warmly per-
fumed and shadows of the old hillside orchard, with
their feet sunk in daisies and grass.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02
Dorothy Dir
Urges the
Cultivation of
This Cardinal
Virtue
Teach Tolerance To Your Children And Practice 1t In
All Relations Of Lfe-If You Would Be
Happy And Successful

ton to cultivating this cardinal vir-
tue, nobody knows. Probably it is
because so many good people are so
intolerant themselves, because it is
almost an axiom that the better an
individual is, the less forebearing he
is to the weakness of others. Every
saint demands that everyone else
shall use his own particular brand of
sanctifcation. 1t is only the poor.
miserable sinner who has charity for
| the faults of others.
| No. We make nc fetish of toler-
ance. We burn no joss sticks before
it, We have no tolerance week when
everybody sidestepss his neighbours
| toes.
When we teach our children to fear
God, speak the truth and wash behind
their ears, we do not impress upon
them the necessity of showing toler-
ance to others. Yet there is nc other
one thing that would so endear them
to their fellow creatures, no talent
| that would carry them so far. There
is no other quality that would do so
much toward securing their happi-
ness and well being as just tolerance.
| You can apply this test all along
the line and it never fails. Who are
the people who have friends? The
tolerant. The men and women whom
you grapple to your soul with hooks
of steel are not those who demand
that you believe as they believe, and
subscribe to all of their theories and
| fads. 1t doesn't take you long to get
very tired of those whose friendship
is the price of your being rubber
| stamp of themselves.
| Those of whom you never weary,
| and who grow dearer and dearer to
you as the years go by, are the
friends who are tolerant, and who let
| you &C your own way in peace. who
do not arrogate to themselves the
| right to edit your views. or censor
your conduct. or buy your clothes, or
tell you generally when and where
| you get off.
Who are the successful men and
women? The tolerant. You rarely
hear of a fanatic getting anywhere in
life. We may respect their sincerity,
but none of us want to be preached
at. or argued with, or bullied into
doing something we do not want
to do.
The ability to get along with peo-
pie is one of the greatest assets that
anybody can have, and the secret of
this is tolerance. We like the people
who look upon us with an indulgent
eye, and who smile at our foibles, in
stead of feeling called upon to criti-
else them, and set us right. So we
push the tolerant along to success,
while the same spirit that makes the
small boy throw mud at the model
boy OF the school makes us pull down
the small-minded bigots who think
that their way is the only way, and
their standards the only standards.
If you want to keep your children
at home and influence their lives,
you will find a magic formula in toll
erance. 1t is the intolerance of par
ents that sends the youngsters scurry-
ing out of the home nest as soon as
they can crawl over the top.
Half of the fathers and the moth
ers in the world think that they can
set up as little tin gods before their
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02

i ing on some harmless vice. She never
allows him to smoke in peace. or have
a glass of beer, or play a game of
cards away from home She is 50
intolerant of his minor faults that
she drives him to the great fault of
unfaithfulness, for the man whose
wife Will not put up with his ways is
will.
And it is lack of liberation of her
little peculiarities-the gibes and
josts at her mistakes. the faultfind
ing and the criticising of everything
she does that turns many wife into
a shrew, or makes of her a nervous
wreck
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02

children, and force their ideas and
ideals on the youngsters. They TOR
get that the world has moved that
customs have changed. that new or
der prevails, and that every succeed
ing generation looks at life from a
different standpoinT So they are
shocked and Mortified at everything
their children do and there is con-
tinual argument over everything I'M
til the children get out of the per
petual family wrangle by deceiving
their parents and getting away
among strangers as soon as possible.
The parents who hold their chill
dren, and who are able to guide their
stumbling young feet, are those who
try to get the same angle on life that
their boys and girls have, who SYM
pathiZe with their desire for the
pleasures of youth, and who are wise
ly tolerant of the follies that age will
cure.
Tolerance is the only solution Of
the divorce evil. There is nothing so
pitiful as to think that the happiness
of millions of homes is ruined by the
ceasless nagging of husbands and
wives who really love each other, but
who kill love by pinpricks.
Many a woman has alienated her
husbands affections by forever harp
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1923-06-02
THE
A. CITY
ROMANCE
BY VIRGINIA TpTJhE VaED,WNTrp


She did not understand just what
that meant, but she knew that she
did not wish to borrow from him
az this juncture. If she asked for
money, she must feel that it was
coming from her fathers estate. For.
after all, her fathers money was vir-
tually hers.
You see,' she tried to explain,
Il may want to do something with
my money that you might not en-
tirely approve of. In that case l
would not dare ask for a cent if it
came out of your pocket
You oan have what YOU want
for any wise or necessary purpose"
he told her gently.
You might not approve of my
giving to certain charities, and to
such causes as l might consider
worthy"
OF course, she reflected, he would
suspect that she was thinking of
Rankin's uplift scheme. Well, if he
did--what then? He may as well be
prepared for her to do what she felt
was right.
Suppose we do not cross bridges
until we come to them?" he said
lightly. Il am keeping you from
your caller. Shall we go downstairs
now? If you do not mind, l will stop
in the drawing-room and chat for
few minutes with Mr.. Rankin.
would ike TO know MIN better,
since he interests you. Do you
mind?"
She did mind, but she would not
admit it. She hoped that Richard
would be as pleasant and courteous
to Donald as he always was to her.
She need not have worried on this
score, she appreciated as she and
Donald entered the drawing-room
together. For only an instant did
Richard show any surprise as he saw
her companion. Then he stepped for
ward, his hand outstretched.
Good evening Mr.. Muir" he said.
II fear I am intrudng, am not?'
Winifred spoke quickly. Indeed.
no. Mr.. Muir and l were going over
some business matters, which, how
ever, are settled now. Business out
of the way, surely pleasure may
follow"
She had not meant to say anything
that could hurt Donald. If he were
wounded, he did not show it. But
Richard laughed
"If Mr.. Muir were as young and
sensitive as /, he would resent that"
he exclaimed. "As it is, L suppose
he does not mind
NO" Donald said gravely Il ID
not mind"
ITO Re COntipued)