davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-07-16

~ OMEBODY-who he was
- doesn't make any differ
- ence-has said something
like the following: "There is
something grand in the grief of
the common people, but there is
no sadder~sight on earth than
that of a Philistine enjoying
himself"
If a man would realize the
truth of this, let him go on a
Sunday excursion.
The male Sunday excursionist
enjoys himself, as the darkeys
say, "agwine and comm"
No other being on earth can
hold quite SO much bubbling. and
Voclterous joy. The welkin that
would not ring when the Sunday
excursionist opens his escape
valve is not worth a cent.
Six days the Sunday excur-
Slonlst labors and does his work,
but ne does his best to refute
the opponents of the theory of
the late Charles Darwin.
He occupies all the vacant
seats in the car with his accom-
pllces, and lets his accursed good
nature spray over the rest of
the passengers. He is so infer
nally happy that he wants every
body, to the brakeman on the
rear car, to know it. He is so
deVlllshly agreeable, so perni-
clously jolly and so abominably
entertaining that people who
were born with or have acquired
brains love him most vindictively.
People who become enamored
OF the Sunday cxcursionist are
apt to grow insanely jealous,
and have been known to rise up
and murder him when a
stranger enters the car and he
proceeds to repeat his funny
remarks for the benefit of
fresh audience.
The female Sunday excursion
ist generally accompanies him.
She brings her laugh with her,
and does a turn in the pauses of
his low comedy work. She
never by any accident misplaces
her ltugh or allows it to get
out = curl. 1t ripples naturally
and conforms readily to the size
Of THE car. She puts on the
male Sunday excursionist's hat,
end he puts on hers, and if the
Fother passengers are feeling
W H,.oi than usual, they sing
Inc Swanee River" There is
enough woe and sorrow in the
~?rId without augmenting it in
thls\ way. Men who have
bravcd} the deepest troubles and
emerged unscathed from the
heaviest Affections have gone
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
AS the River HurrieS to the
Ocean, So the Girl Must
Hurry Into MatrimOny

1.-TWO better than because they have a good
For if they fall the one up fellow;
to helm n % alone y he fa fo ne has not another
Intelligent have discussed with becoming solemniy
the question:
hat must girls do to
Needless say this eternal question degenerated into
the customary marriage discussion.
u.s. intellectual ladies' do you know what you
like you discuss the advsabty of matmony? You
like drops of water river that discuss the advsabty
rolling down toward the Matrimony destiny
final landing in the the destiny Of the little drops
which, passing the rough Stones pur and gurgle
you do.
Fair ladies' get your minds the notion that the nd
vdual of the present is of Importance The human
ago. will keep ahead in it's matrimonial swing
whatever be decided in Chicago drawing in the
The important thing is marriage and especially
rage Of the finest samples. =
AS matter of fact there never was really
happy unmarried after a certain age.
She be resigned she be self sacrificing she is
often beautiful in character and beyond question she
frequently refused to marry, since not crazy
But the mature unmarried, is really unhappy and
thing bring up the question business
succeed in as no ever succeeded if she could
eclipse Rockefeller and Morgan and get all the money in the
world she would know happiness equal to that which
from taking sleeping and perspng baby out Of its
bed and giving it its dinner
The kindness of Providence to is proved gentle ladies'
by the fact that have got to marry whether you
not.
doom is sealed on the first OF your early babyhood
when pick doll and pretend to it. You might
just well discuss the advisaby of breathing the advs
biity of marrying
AS for your devotion business that is merely temporary
phase of civilization In short time the monstrous spectacle
Of at work will not be anywhere earth
certain number of centuries ahead when the earth fully
peopled and the really adult and organized every
will be the mother TWO children no more and no
fewer, and the of them will be while the
still After that will devote themselves to
the expression of the emotion acting and singing in which
sphere they dominate.
After having made all the in the world by producing
them physically they will make them intellectual and inspire
in them their best efforts.
That is woman's destiny, it, and we dffdenty
declare it to be pretty good destiny.
P S-The more ambitious need this on
the ground that singing and acting would satisfy them
Women will shine in all intellectual spheres in which ntuve
knowledge is important
They will be great astronomy and prominent in studying
universal problems outside Of this earth problems which in
time will absorb the interests and efforts of foreign
lands absorbed their interest in the days of Drake Raleigh
and Elizabeth.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Sugar Clue

KARTINS FERRY, Ohio
M Purchase Of large quantities
AVA of sugar in these days of
profiteering prices is Improbable
here. Police are using news of
excess purchases as Clueh to the
location of stills.
From so to 100 pounds of sugar
are required for each barrel of
mash in the home distillery. To
keep the average-sized still going,
300 to 500 pounds of sugar must
be purchased at a time. Delivery
of such q quantity attracts atten.
ton, unless made at night.
A youngster with small
wagon supplied the clue that led
officers to a cellar where a quan.
tity of rye mash was being pre-,
pared for a trip into a still. The
youngster was seen hauling sugar
in twenty-five-pOund lots, home
as often as twice a day. After
a week the raid was made-with
much suCcesA
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Once-OVers
Copyright 1929 Service 1nc)
DO NOT BE TOO EXACTING DURING THE
HOT WEATHER,

Everyone is more irritable in summer than in winter
tond"ns leading to the divorce court frequently start
in - ~
Why? Because it is time of let down for all
the family. ~ ~
Husbands should be with their wives a +b;
time and wives should not be exacng with their hus
bands. ~ ~
Husbands should not demand big meals Wives sho,d
not ask Tor SO things to be done by husband around
the house. ~
IS hard enough for the of the house to keen things
up as they should be at office shop he gets home
he let down ~
The house not be well kept when he does come
home to rest, and he should expect during the x
cessive hot weather. -
But nagging both sides is making bad matter worse
and doing good in any way.
Dad figures that home is the coolest place in summer
Mother thinks that home is 'h0t as an oven
1t safer argument over the sinh iect with
the thermometer at ninety degrees in the shade
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Three UnrOn1antiC Words
An Effort to End Bovine Consumption
HOGS, CORN, WHEAT.


Three words not romantic but would be bad for the
world should they suddenly disappear.
The United States Government is taking hog, and
wheat to find out the conditions of those crops
important than all precious metals combined.
1t is known already that will be gigantic
thousand millions in of the estimates
The Government and the farmers of New York
combining IN an effort to clean herd and make
tuberculosis forever unknown throughout the State It
big undertaking. not impossible The national Government
should be back of it in Sate the farmers
asked to stand the loss involved incidentally hogs feeding
behind the cattle will avoid tuberculosis the are rid
Of it.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Finds Gold Table

~ ARIS.-A Louis XVI table
literally worth its weight
Il In gold has been discovered
at Mieres in possession of a poor
farmer named Bonneau, who in
herited the table from his ances-
tors.
One of these ancestors, prob
ably the original owner, had the
forethought to take the hollow
legs off the table and fill them
with 1872 gold pieces, then worth
SO francs each.
Bonneau. lacking firewood
recently decided to use the old
table, which had been used to
wash clothes on. So he cut off
the legs and-became rich.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
s ss~ shRst O.HENRY
A TREASURE TRovE OF HUM0R FROM HIS
NEWLY DISCOVERED NEWSPAPER WRITINGS
THE SUNDAY EXCURSIONIST


st. Published by Arrangement with
indicate, Inc,)
down with a shrek of horror
and despair before the fatal
hilarity of the Sunday excur-
sionist.
There is no escape from his
effects.
FLY TINE.
Only little fly,
But it stopped the fielder's pay,
For he muffed the ball,
And he let it fall,
And he was released next day.
Only a little fly,
But the plate of soup was
spoiled,
And the cook got fired,
Which made him tired,
And so was the fly that was
boiled.
Only a little fly,
But her husband found it out,
And he raised a row,
And he's with her now
Whenever she goes about.
EASY.
Patient - Doctor, that last
prescription of yours isn't doing
me a bit of good. What shall
l do?
Doctor-Stop taking it. One
dollar, please.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Japan to Hear
Music Artists

"OKYO-Evidenc of Japan's
continued interest in West
- ern musicians Is shown by
the formation in Tokyo of the
first Toxic Symphony Orchestra.
Music lovers of Tokyo will have,
In addition to the symphony, Wis
its from Fritz Kreisler and Jascha
Heifetz, world.famous Violinists.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
A House of Cards Begins to Fall.

17HE league of nations isn't mending pot. Glue u
already melting throughout that impossible house OF
cards called Jugoslavia. -
Expeden theory won't bind heredary dscordant races
together The Serbs and Sovenes haven't common demon
nator except religion and Serbs and Creates speak the
same language and differ everything else
the three possessed of financial or
experience and twentieth century government cant De
run without it. e.
Consangunty and economics the only permanent map
paints Frontiers established by ideasm and intrigue are
marked sand Jugoslavia, as presently consututed
shan't outlast the decade. ..
Time will prove the incompetence OF Versailles engineer
ing. Destiny doesn't follow treaty blueprnts Politics pro-
poses and human nature dispOses OF its pleas.
Wait until the next breaks In the Balkans and watch
the fv. q, :
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
SAP AND SALT
BY Bert Moses

Don't worry If you start wrong;
the finish Is what counts.
Hez Heck says: "Nothin' else
in life requires so little intelligence
as inheritin' money"
Copyright. 1929. Premier Syndicate. Inc. }
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Worse Thar, the Abbey Leases.

TREATIES, like contracts easier written than en-
forced Mr. Browne, the British subject who drafts
lease for Manhattan landlords more oppressive
and confscatory than those issued by medieval abbey
writes to Disappearing New York editors that he may not
know our laws but none the believes that court
override his projected evasion Of responsibility for accidents
and losses through elevator brakdowns bad wiring and the
Of cautions and repairs which have hitherto been
held obligatory upon house owners. ~. III.
long involved sentence but take the pains to read
it. facts sink into your memory The fine print
on the your is full of longer sentences and
far more involved ones. y.
Legal spiders purposely spin such technical webs to be-
wilder unframed intelligence Never sign paper which
your attorney hasn't first examined Every word and
comma has its special significance to Justice ~ II
Doctors are not the only persons before trouble
3.
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
He Overlooked Goldfish and Cannries.

r mr. BROWNE also insists upon the landlords sole
wi authority to determine the character Of folk who
~' = visit their tenants. y :,
IF they don't like your friends surrender the premises to
somebody willing to pay for them. Sweet land of
liberty!
according the number of individuals occupying specific
house apartment.
When Helen comes home from school you have out
of-town guests mail additional check. .--.
Families with dodgers must forthwith revise ballroom
and boost of living for shop girls students
In parts Europe the government imposes every
window pane hen and Mr.. Browne should go the
whole hog and establish schedule for keeping canary birds
and goldfish.
Some day we III learn cames the nose. Hotels
mprotestngy allowed to charge for two in
And since they got away with it, owners
greey proceed crowd through the open window
How promptly profteers ape each other s methods
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
COCKS OF THE WALK
ALWAYS TAKE THE
LAST CROW
By HERBERT KAUFMAN.

A STANDARD problem in school arithmetic is the
~ of Tabby the WE'LL constantly losing half the ground
d 4 she gains parallel to the Ruhr row. z
Whenever it seems certain that the PREPARATIONS cat
ready snnng, for other the situation
escapes diplomatic grasp.
Poincare as usual changes his mind After leading the
world to understand that France prepared to meet allies
half way the handling Of Germany the Artfui Dodger OF
the Quai Orsay delivers speech at Sens the Belgian
border which he reaffirms aveand-hod policy for
occupied districts and declares rrevocabe opposition to
plan for the adjustment of ndemnes through international
commission.
The cock of the walk always has the last crow i.
Naval disarmament is all to the advantage OF Chanceer
whose spurs were effective at
the Washington conference had devoted more OF It's
attention the reduction of armies there be less prospect
of dominant bully power the continent and greater
likelihood of realizing the dream for which democracy did
and died. -I
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
ShOV Your Preferences ut the Door.

7HE Chicago judge who rules that restaurant pro-
pretor admonshng vice persons responsible for the
death injury of patrons likewise treads upon dan
gerous grounds.
Take along the social register and Bradstreet rating
when pleasure bent If this of thing keeps up
America will be than Russia under the Gar with
everyone packing Identification cards and municipal permits
while privileged interests and peserous arbitrarily
fix taxes and restrictions.
Washington issues regulations for the making of cider
separation Of nonalcohoc fruit Juices and even
the acetc content of vinegar
By taking in chemistry YOU II be able to know
you violating prohibition statutes
Fanacsm has of proportion and therefore
duces many of the conditions it protests 49,
sanity, the Constitution and the Bill of RIGHTS!
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
Bank Clerks and Hold Carrier,

TEW YORK banks decide to raise the salaries 10000
N clerks. They won't get much bricklayers, but
hope to equal the earnings of hod and other
day laborers.
Whtecollar jobs aren't what they laundry
and wool tariff began to baen pay envelope The man
who overals buys the silk shirts and touring
Lads behind the and on the ledger
trolleys and subways.
If you can't afford professional education for your
children, have them taught a trade.
Union apprentices command than little cogs In final
cal and business machines.
The law of supply and demand makes top dogs for
each generation.
KaufmaA)
The Washington times., 1923-07-16


The Wheeler Syndicate.
~ oMEBoDY-who he was + down with. shrek Of
The Washington times., 1923-07-16
SOCIAL LAWS
FRAMED TO
AID WOMEN
Copyright, 1928; BY star Company.
Bv LUCY LOWELL.

BY LUCY LOWELL.
KIT DON'T want to be forced
to live by the standards
u of other people. l want
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT. ADVERTISEMENT.
Nuxated Iron viii Increase
Strength Of Delicate People
In Two We eks Tim g

To maay lnstaAeea, says Clty pkyslelaas. harlane
have suffered for years NishONt kDowias whef
made them feel tired, IlstISss aad ma neS1n.
Mheh theiFs real trouble was Iaek 81 liza n
the blood-how to tell
1F you weFa TO make an actual biood
test on all people who ars Ill you
would probably be greatly astonishod at
the eKceedin9ly large number who lack
iron ana who are Ill for no other rea-
son than the lack OF iron. The moment
iron IL applied q multitude OF dan
ger6us symptoms disappear without
iron the blood at once loses the power
20 change food into living tissue and
thsfefore nothing you eat does you
good you don't get the strength out Of
IL Your food merely passes through
yoHr .yntef4 llke corn through mill
with the rollers 20 vide apart that the
mill cant grind, AZ I result &c this
continuous blood and nerve starvation.
people oecOm0 Generally weaMened, ner.
vOus and all run down and frequently
d0velop all sorts o. conditions. one n
too thin: another IL buraanad with un-
healthy fat; some are 10 weak they can
hardly walk; some think they have
dyspepsiA, kidney or liver trouble: acme
cant sleep at night. others ara sleepy
ana tired AL day; ooFne fuaay and r.
Ia such cassS Il & worse shan f Sa Ss.
ness 90 taxa stimulating medicines or
narcotic drugs, which only whip up
your tagging vital pOwerA for the mo-
naont, maybe at the expense 81 your ne
later On. No matter what anyone tells
you. IS you are not Btrong and well you
owe 10 TO yourself 10 make tfe follow
Ing testT See how long you can work
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
HEALER 5
PATRONSF|ND
HIM DEAD
Rawson, British Spiritual "0C-
Oetter," Had Immense Fol-
lowing Here.

NEW YORK. Nov. 1a.-FredericR
L. Rawson, British spiritual healer
1netaphysiciAn, civil engineer, au
thor ana inventor, and head OF the
Society Tor Spreading the Kn0Wl
edge of True Prayer. which main
tains offices In seventeen cities In
this country and moro than thirty
European bureaus, died suddenly hi
the Hotel Aston. He had been SUI
fertng from pneumonia for forty.
eight hours.
RawsOn opened hts fifth Ameri
can tour at the hotel, where he
was staying. More than 700 fash.
ionably dressed middle-aged women
attended his first lecture. whom
he asserted he held the key to hap
pineBs and that later he would 10
veal the inner mysteries OF the sec
rets OF eternal life. He also said
he could cure I'LL human ailments.
Hundreds of women f1ocked to
the Hotel Aston, where he had been
scheduled to speak In the after.
noon and evening. Some OF them
had travelled 1000 miles to listen
to the words Of the healer, and
they were shocked to read on the
doors OF the lectMre room:
"RawsOn is dead. All lectures
are, therefore, suspended"
The body is being taken care OF
by representatives Of the society Of
which he was the founder. Mrs.
Rawson is in England, and cables
were sent yesterday to ask whether
Rawson should be buried here or
whether the body should be EN-,
banned and sent back to the cOttn.
try OF his birth.
Rawsofl had varied career. He
came OF q distinguished British
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
UNIVERSITY WILL TEACH
STUDENTS HOW TO WALK

CHICAGO, Nov. ia three.
hour-a-week course to teach North.
western University students how to
walk is to be added to the curri-
culum, Prof. Leon CRANE. of the
physical education department. an.
nounced.
He said he had found 40 per cent
of the students showed lack of
knowledge about proper distrlbu-
ton of the weight of the body while
walking, and as a result suffered
from fallen arches and other foot
defects. Five per cent, he said,
Ilave serious trouble with their feet
and are in need Of special attention
The classes will be taught the
proper form to assume while walk.
ing, he said.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
LOSES HIS FIJI
PROPERTY To
BRITAIN
Robert Henry Defeated in
Fight for SOS, 900 Lands.
U. S. Wins Decisions.

The British. American arbitral
tribunal has disallowed two British
claims Aggregating $4,000. which
arose out Of the cutting OF cables by
American naval forces during the
Spanish-Amer1car war, the State
department was informed yesterday
by Fred X. Nelson, agent and chief
counsel of the United States in the
arbitration.
One claim was for the sum OF
vl2 pounds expended in repairing
the Manila Hongkong and Manila
cables cut by Admiral Dewey in
1895 This claim was made by the
Eastern Extension, AUstrnlasia and
China Telegraph Company.
the other claim was made by the
Cuba Submarine Telegraph Com,
pAny ana arose from, the cutting Of
cables OF the company between
MAnEanillo and CaBildA by United
States naval officers in 1898. The
cost of repairing these, cables was
stated to be STA pounds.
The ArbitrAl tribunal dismissed
the claims Of Robert Henry against
the British government for $4,000
which arose out OF the confiscation
by the, British authorities Of lands
In the Fiji Islands to which Henry
claimed title.
An award OF $50 pounds in favor
Of the United States resulting from
the corfiscation by the British gov
eminent of lands in the Fiji Islands
belonging to John B. williams was
made by the tribunal. This claim
was for $4,000.
Williams was formerly United
States commercial agent in the Fiji
islands.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13

or how far you can Walk without be.
coming tired. Next take two sflve.Rrain
tablets of ordinary Nuxated Iron three
times per day after nnoate k6r two
weeks. Then test your strength again
gained. You can talk az you please
remedies, but when you come down 70
hard facts there Ii nothing like good
old iron to put color IN your cheeks and
good sound, healthy flesh on your bones.
e ID also q great nerve and stomach
etrengkhenar and one OF the best bleed
builders In the world. The only trouble
WAS that the old forms Of inorganic lron
like tincture OF iron, iron acetate, etc.
often ruined peoples teeth upset their
stomach and we're not aBbimilateds and
for thebe reasons they frequently did
more. harm than good. But with the
discovery of the newer forms OF organic
iron all this has been overcome. Nuxa1ed
Iron, for example, - pleasant 20 talss
does not fniuFe the teeth and % almost
Immediately beneficial.
Manugacsupfss Nsts: NaxAtod Iron. which D
recommended Abose, Il not 4 secret FeMody. Due
enc which u Msll known . dFugBIste eyefF.
wh6rs. Unite the Older lAofeanlo Iron pFoduets
u q easily aesmltated. and -aa1s NOT InIufo ehe
teeth. make mem black. nor upset the st0mAeh-
fbt manufAsthrefe guarantee UuccooSlul ans -.
tIf6Iy oatisfAetoE results 70 every purchaser -
theD Will refund your money. u 3 al9eeneed u
thls olU " Psoglse Drus osoros.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
So, 900, 900 AWARDED
IN CLAIMS ON GERMANY

Claims aggregnting more than
So ,O0O, 900 were awarded yesterday by
the Gerri1an.A1nerican Mixed Claims
Commission to American companies
and citizens on account OF damages
suffered as q result Of the world
war.
These were the first specific
awards made by the commission
since it's establishment.
Among the amounts which Ger
many must pay ~ q result of to-
day's decisions nre:
1890 900 with interest at per
cent per annum from January i,
1870, TO date of payment Tor prop
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13

erty losses sustained in Belgium.
Western Electric Company, 81.
$50, 0S9.4S, with interest at per
cent from July /, 1919, to date OF
payment. for losses sustained in
Germany and Belgium.
Texas Company, $547,845.63, with
interest at per cent from Novem.
Der II, 1913, to date of payment,
for property losses In Belgium.
For losses sustained bv Americans
while prisoners or war in GERMANY:
Frank D. Meyer, S162: David d.
Fowler, $26; Everett A. Strachan.
S4S1; Harold A. Jones. s93: Her.
bert b. Fairchild, s41,2s: Josenh
Lofts, eSS; James n. Mussetf.
1915, with interest In each case
at 3 per cent from Nov. III. 1g1a
to date Of payment.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1923-11-13
ORDERED TO LIST STAMPS
COLLECTORS NAY WANT

Demand Of stamp collectors Tor
types OF stamps Of the past few
decades. which are no longer issued
by the Postoffice Department. re.
suited today In an order from the
Postmaster General 10 all pustIlaas-
tiers to submit iteriixed lists of such
stamps held at their offices.
These stamps viii be placed on
sale at the PhiIatelic Agency here.
The stamps most Ii demand are
the one, two and five cent Pilgrim
Tercentenary issuei s, 10 and "a
cent imperforate stamps of the