The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1923-04-13
OUR OWN FAMILY ALBUM
lCo,4;r,aIN

"Humph!" snorted Aunt Beulah
Scroggins when Aunt Matilda placed
the tintype of little Johnny Banks in
her album. "Ef I couldn't get any
better pictures IN his. I'd let my al
bum stay empty"
"Jes' look at the sanctified look on
his facet An eff there ever was a
little devil he's it! | don't know how
his NAV got that there collar ON him
'cep'n she tied him when she done it,
OFF I had young'un like him I'd
send him to the reformatory, so
would. The time he got chased out
O. Deacon Sputterbund's apple orchard
he ripped his pants down the seat
slidin' down out o. one o. the trees.
And then the little imp had the gall
to flap the tatters in my face when
l scolded him! An him with his mex
ked skin shown right out o. tn hole!
AN look at his hair all slicked
down like patent leather! / bet his
nav had ter glue it down with soap.
An | bet it was the first time his
heads been washed since Buck was
little calf!
Il can't imagine for the life o me
how the picture man ever got him
still long enough to snap him! He's
that fidgety he acks like he's settin'
on cookie burrs all the time! His
NAV dassn't take him ter church
anymore since he disgraced her that
time!
Didn't you hear about it? Law, |
thought the whole county knowed
about that! 1t as comm ON Christ
mas an his nav wanted him ter git
his name in the pot fer one o them
little cheese cloth stockin's full of
candy n nuts an apple an a or
ange, so she slicked him up like he
looks in that there picture an took
him ter Sunday School. She wanted
ter stay ter church, an she was
afeared ter let him go home by his
clean clothes she'd put on i'm, so she
KEEP inn with 'er.
'Well, he KEEP screwin' Ground in
the pew till he musta wore out the
seat of his pants Reveren' Billings
was a-preachin,' an he was awful
long-winded that mornin' n thought
that boyd bust before he got done.
He played with song book till he
dropped it, and when he grabbed ter
keep it from fallin' he tore out a
hand full o. pages. His nav pinched
him fer that, an then he commenced
ter whimper.
"Then he got ter proppin' his feet
aginst the pew in front o him, and
when his feet'd slip he'd scratch the
paint off in streaks. An after me
traipsin' all OVER the county ter col
lect money ter paint 'em with!
An after he'd dropped marble on
the floor that rolled all the way
down the church he KEEP fishiin'
Ground in his pockets till he found a
rubber band. 'uz watchin' him all
the time, an l knowed there wuz
trouble comim'! But before I'd even
guessed what he wuz up to, he'd
made some spit balls ter shoot with
the rubber band.
Deacon Sputterbund wuz settin' in
his regular place in the front pew
right under the wall lamp. An like
he all'uz does, he was sound asleep
with his head propped aginst the wall
with his mouth wide open. An jest
when l looked, that little imp shot a
spitball at the lamp. 1t hit the wall
am bounced right in Deacon Sputter-
bund's mouth!
Well! Speakin' o disgraces! The
deacon jumped up like he'd been shot.
His head banged inter that lamp
hard enough ter crack it! An euss.
Law, you'd oughter heard i'm. He
jest forgot where he wuz, an he Gus
sed like sailor. 1t broke up the
meetin, that's what it done!
An that little imp, Johnny Banks,
he jest set there lookin' ez innercent
ez new-borned babyi Put his pic
tur in my album? Humph! Not
while ] had my senses in my head!