The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-12-26
Make The Most Of A Bad Bargain
Dorothy Die
Divorce Is Not The Solution Of The Unhappy Wfes Prob lenl-Forget Your Dreams And Put Things On A Busi ness Basis If Your Marriage Has Been A Failure


 In the course of year I get lit- orally thousands of letters from women who weep out upon my breast the stories of their unhappy mar riage
 They tell me that they crave love and tenderness, and that they are married to men who are as cold as ice. They tell me that they are married to stingy men who work them like slaves, and never give them a penny of their own. They tell me that they are married to brutal men, who beat them in the flesh, or who wound their spirI,s with cruel words that hurt worse than any physical blows. They tell me that they are married to grouchy men, who go into sullen silences that last for weeks, and that they are tortured past all endurance. They tell me that they are married to unfaithful men, who spend their time and money upon girls young enough to be their daughters.
 Nothing else in the world is so pathetic as these letters because they represent the broken dreams of so many women. From the time they were little girls they had looked forward to marriage as pass ing into a sort of esysium. It was to be full of love, of romance, or gentleness, of sympathy and under standing, and consideration. And the reality proved to be sordidness, pickering and strife-the lack of even common politeness.
 With what faith and trust they had given their lives into their hus- bands hands, and the husbands had q 3 child breaks a flimsy toyi
 These unhappy wives ask, What shall l do?" and one knows not how to answer the question. To tell them that, if they are patient and forbear- ing, and go on doing their duty as wives, they can change mean nus bands into good ones is to tell them a wicked lie, and mislead them with false hopes.
 The leopard changes his spots just about as often as man does his disposition. and I have yet to see the tightwad become generous; the surly, glum man turn into a ray of sun shine in his home; or the hard, cold, selfish man become the perfect lover to his wife.
 Nor is divorce the solution of the unhappy wifes problem. Marriage is not an episode to which you can d life is ended I will shut the book, and forget all about it, and be per fectly happy henceforth." It sets its ineffecable seal upon woman, IL colors her whole life; and divorce can no more give her back her lost joy, and faith, and trust than 1t can restore her lost girlhood.
 Besides. there are nearly always children to consider; children whose welfare a good mother places above her own; children for whom a home must be kept together; children who must be educated; who must be started in life, who need father to support and control. Divorce is not for the women with children unless conditions are absolutely intolerable.
 And for the woman herself divorce is often a jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, for when she finds that she is rid of an unkind hus- band, she has to face a world that is unkinder still.
 Generally the woman has no pri- vate fortune. The courts award her but a meager alimony, and the col lecting of that is generally about the hardest job on earth She is trained to no business or occupa- ton. Nobody wants her services, and she comes to know that the grum- bling of an ill-tempered husband is no narUGT to cIuuIt litlIi iIc AOhi of the wolf outside of her door.
 Perhaps the best advice that one can offer these unhappy wives is to try to forget what they expected of marriage, and to just put it on business basis, so much for so much, with a settled determination to make the best of a bad bargain.
 Their little flier in Hearts Con solidated hasn't paid the dividends they expected it to.
 Well, our speculations seldom do. Their matrimonial partners have proved hard to get along with. We'll, many business men endure cranky partners who rasp their nerves for the sake of the firm. Their hus- bands knock every mistake, and never praise them for their successes That is the way her boss treats every woman who work outside of the home. Their days are filled with long. hard, monotonous labor. We'll that's life. That is what all work is by which you earn your living.
 And on the credit side of the ledger the unhappy wife can set this down, that she has, at least, her home, and her settled position in society; and they are great gain. It takes years and years of struggle and striving for tho lone woman to reach the goal