davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
MONOL1 OGUES
BY i w.

- - N Se 84sss
ToHN. dear. just 4 monent.
honey lamb:
= really ought TO have two
new hats and three
New frocks for spring. have
nothing to
Wear, positively nothin'. dear.
And Mrs. ..
Already has . complete ward
robe that's wonderful
Now, honestly, dear. you wouldn't
have your
Little wife look dowdy, would
you?
o yes, forgot to mention that
I shall need
Two new pairs Of shoes and three
OF slippers
And some silk things and = few
other little
Intimate garments that I won't
mention
TO 50 with the frocks and hats.
John, dear. you might add to the
list just one
Pretty evening gown The i've
I have now are
Absolutely in rags.
Yes. realize that the coal bills
have been
F'rightful and that your suit IL
two years
Old. but you can wear 1t
Just . little Longer
Can't you, John, dear9
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
Only One Repair Needed.

Old John Silas' venerable auto
mobile had weathered the. SINS
and SHOWS of many years, but
finally 1t appeared to be beating
its last. 1t choked and gasped
30 often that even Old John reck.
ened It might be needing a little
-overhauling." The local garage
man. called into consultation,
walked around it and inspected it
carefully. "Well." said he, at
last, You've got damn good
windshield there. Let's jack 1t
up and put a new car under it,"
Lord jeff.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
FIauper Fairy Tales

Ludwig Isn't this weather ter
rible7 Lets take . trip to Palm
Beach Tor . few weeks until
spring gets here.
Georgette o, Ludw1gl how
could Won prDposs such . thing?
You know perfectly wen that I
am too afraid Of snakes and croc-
odiles to 80 within . thousand
miles OF Florida
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
Medbury
Says

> ay So
By John p. Medbury.
T HE average man is so busy
nowadays that a lot Of them
are doing their counting by
telephone.
It gives . fellow in Chicago .
chance to keep company with .
dame In Los Angeles.
II he hasn't got q sweetheart,
al he has to do is look through
the telephone book until he finds
one.
One guy was looking for wife
ln the As. but he didn't get one
until he got mp to the WIS.
The only kind Of a girl to have
ever the telephone is one who'll
let you reverse the charges.
The out-Of-t0wn girls might as
wei pay for the call, otherwise
the men viii phone some local
dame who only costs them q
nickel.
You can't please some men at
Ill. One bird talked to a dame
for an hour, and then asked Cen
tral for his money back.
Another guy made such ardent
love over the wire that the COM
pany came and took his telephone
out.
He was trying so hard to send
her Q kiss over the phone that
he chewed half the mouthpiece
az.
This guy had asthma, and his
sweetheart thought 10 was Cen
trAl giving her the busy" signal.
One fellow was so busy he had
his valet call up his girl for him.
ard his girl was so busy she had
her maid do the talking.
OF course long distance court
ships have their drawbacks. No
man likes to phone his fiancee and
have Central ten him the line 10
busy.
II he really loves her he'll try
again, but II he doesn't he'll look
through the book for some other
number to call up.
Every telephone booth lie a mat
fimonial agency.
All yOu have to have to get .
eweetheart Is > nickel and . lot Of
patience.
One grid used q lead slug to
call up her fellow. She figured
he wasn't worth q nickel.
In these telephone courtships
you don't have any mOther-in-Iaw.
Central Ii the one who does all
the hutting in.
And there's no, such thing as
divorce. When a couple gets tired
Ct each other, instead Of going to
court. they just hang up.
Copyright. 1923. by King Features
Syndicate, Incl
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

One guy was looking for q wife
ln the As. but he didn't get one
until he got mp to the WIS.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

Geology Professor-"The class
will now name some OF the lower
species of animals, starting with
Mr.. Smith. Royal Gaboon.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

Jacob-Levy. your uncle was
sure COED to send you that Rolls
Royce car.
Levy-Gocd! He sent It with theZ'
freight payable at this end.
-CavRoylef
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

II he hasn't got q sweetheart,
al he has to do is look through
the telephone book until he finds
one.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

The only kind of a girl to have
ever the telephone is one who'll
let you reverse the charges.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
Even Az You and L

think stared. You blushed
and smiled.
3 asked . flend. He knew your
name.
/ called you up and, stammer-
ing, said some irrational things
about intrOductions and apologized
for my naonolithic nerve.
You seemed to enjoy II and were
very considerate Of my most in
formal method Of gaining IN &C.
Quaintance.
called you up again. You were
not quite sureyou would look at
your calendar. Yes, Friday night
would be all right.
You were even more beautiful
than had first supposed. We.
danced.
The music was wonderful.
The moon was bright. We walked
slowly and talked on topics deep
and vague and others light and
somewhat silly. more like old
sweetheart than friends Of one
evening.
You liked me d great deal.
You said you did.
And from my varied declarations
you certainly CLEANED to what adj
vanced extent my amorous inclina-
tons had already traversed.
Too soon we reached your door.
but stood there talking.
The moon, half hidden by the
trees, at every movement Of q soft
but restless breeze sent fantastic
shadows about us.
You stood so very close. could
feel your heart beating even %
irresponsible as mine. Your eyes,
80 wide, so fascinating. looked UP
Into mine. Your lips curved allur.
ingly.
Then, then, in moment Of rash,
unreasoning folly, l grasped your
hand, shook 1t like politician and
hoarsely whispered good night.
What did you think Of mof
They will not print what /.
thought Of myself.-Gargoyle.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

It gives . fellow i'm Chicago .
chance to keep company with
dame In Los Angeles.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

A group Of students were Fidi-
culing q certain professors jokes,
when the certain professor hap
pened Unexpectedly on the scene.
Young men," he said, indig-
nantly, ''I'll have you understand
that my humor is not to be
laughed at!'-Mugwump.
Her-Don't you think Gorma
Nish is just thrilling in Wild
Oats?
Him-Yeh. That's her best
cereal.-Beanpot.
''I1l never take another drop"
said the drunk as he fell off the
observation-disclosures.
RUDE: What. going fishing with
q mouse for bait2
Boy: Yeh; I'm going, after cat
fish.-Green Gander.
Hubby tower the phone): Is
that that you. dear7 just
called up to say that I'm afraid
/ won't be able to get home to
dinner tonight, as I am detained
at the office.
WHEY Tin sympathetic reply:
You poor dear, don't wonder.
How do you get anything done at
all, with that orchestra playing
in your office, is more than I
can see. Observation-Disclosures.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

Prof.-Who was the Duke Of
Peruna?
Stude-Lydia Pinkham's hua-
band.-The Orphan.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
A Different Reason

Hale I've stayed home with
my wife for the last month.
Hardy Devotion, eh?
Hale No, broken Les.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

The out-Of-t0wn girls might as
well pay for the call, otherwise
the men viii phone some local
dame who only costs them q
nickel.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28


A devotee of the aud Scottish
game was shooting out of d bunk
o.. Ahead Of him short distance.
. new green-keeper wss working
On the green. The golfer walked
mp TO the new workman and
asked him IL he Mad seen his hal,
The greep1keeper replied: Yes:
out y0Un have hard time play
Ing 1t. out. 1t went In the hole"
Lord JEFF.
Il hear your son has learned to
gamble while he was away at col.
lege."
Has he? Why everything is 7
betcha this I betcha that Even
In the morning when first see
him and say 'Hello!' he says, at
oetcha. BLACK and Blue Jay.
Mother Goose Rhymes
Mary had a little gin,
Then she had some rye,
And II the others hadn't stopped her
Shed have drunk the cellar dry.
couldn't see a woman stand.
Ing up while was sitting.
30 you gave her your seat?
No, closed my eyes and pre.
tended to be asleep.
Black and Blue Jay.
sweet Fair Usher (pouting
nDst-Do you want two?
lie Movie Fan-WuI you let
me5-Puppet.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28
BY Johr, p. Medbury.

!" HE average man Is so busy
nowadays that a lot Of them
are doing their counting by
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

Are you Appius CIaudius?'s
mo, I'm Unapplus L.
-Flaningo.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

You can't please some. men at
Ill. One bird talked to a dame
for an hour, and then asked Cen
tral for his money back.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

Another guy made such ardent
love over the wire that the COM
pany came and took his telephone
out.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

And there's mo- such thing as
divorce. When a couple gets tired
Ct each other, instead Of going to
court, they just hang up.
(copyrfght. 1928. by King Features
Syndicate, Incl
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

He was trying SO hard to send
her Q kiss over the phone that
he cfewed half the mouthpiece
0ff.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

This guy had asthma, and his
sweetheart thought 10 was Gen.
trSI giving her the busy signal.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

One grid used lead slug to
call up her fellow. She figured
be wasn't worth q nickel.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

One fellow was so busy he had
his valet call up his girl for him,
ard his girl was so busy she had
her maid do the talking.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

In these telephone courtships
you don't have any mOther-in-Iaw.
Central II the one who does all
the hutting in.
The Washington times., 1923-02-28

II he really loves her he'll try
again, but IL he doesn't he'll look
through the book for some other
number to call up.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
An Expensive Joke
Coroner's iuries are a Joke.

Coroner's urieS are joke.
Even the county officials who are responsible for call
ing these jures regard them as such The public has
long known it, or should but with the usual indifference
10 governmental procedure, does nothing to correct the
trouble.
There is an opinion of attorney general of the state
regarding the uSeessness of these institutions. Why not
abolish them altogether?
The latest whms of of these jures is overrued by
the action of Prosecutor Malcolm Douglas Tuesday in tax
ing Just the opposite from the findings OF coro
ners jurieS in two fatal accidents. 49,
In one case the jury absoved man from responsible
iy The prosecutor with reason promptly charged nm
with mansaughter in a superior court information.
In the other case the found responsible for
death and Douglas ignored this by filing reckless driv
ing charge saving there no evidence TO support
manslaughter charge.
There are many notorious Verdicts by this tribunal
One of the outstanding cases is that where coroners
Jury found Patrolman Charles o. Legate had committed
suicide.
But the fees for this service together with autopsy fees
and mileage expenses runs into large sums each year
This is one department that easily be dispensed WITH
or at least greatly curtaied
Even Coroner w. H. Corson admits they are q joke
Then why not eliminate them and this money for the
taxpayers?
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
Rupture Kills
5000 Annually

Eight thousand persons each year
are laid away--the burial certificate
being married. Rupture" Why7
Because the unfortunate ones had
neglected themselves or had been
| merely taking care OF tho align
| tswelling) OF the affllction and paw
Ing no attention to the cause. What
are you dolng7 Arc you neglectInp
yourself by wearing truss, april
hhce, or Whatever namo you choose
10 call IL? At best. tho truss ia only
makeshift--a false prop against
n collnpaing waIl--nnd cannot bo
expected to act az more than a mare
mechanical support The binding
pressure retnrds blood circulation
| thus robbing the weakened muscles
Of that which they need most
nourishment.
But science has found n way, and
every truss sufferer In tho land Ia
invited TO make FREE test right
IN the privacy Of their own home
The PI,APAO method In tnqucatIon-
ably tho most scientific. logical ana
successful aclf-treatment FOR run
ture the world has ever known.
The PJAPAO PAD when ae;,erInp
closely 10 the body cannot possibly
slip or shift out OF place, thereforc
cannot chnfe or pinch. Soft as vel
yct--enHy to apply--ineNpcnsive 10
be used whilst you work and whligt
YOU sleep. NO straps. buckles or
springs attached.
opening aA nature Intended 80 tbe
rupture CAN'T come down. Send
your name today TO pLApAO co
Block Tei, ST. Louis, Mo. for FREE
trial Plapao and the Information
necesBary.-'AdyertiHemont.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
Supreme Courts Rise to Power
BY LOWELL MELLETT

In 1898 tho U, 4. supreme
court decided the income tax law
was unconstitutional. II had
been IN use then for 100 years
Previous decisions Of tho su.
premo court had found Il per.
fectly valid. but. voting. to 4.
the court this time held il unoon.
stitutlonai Twenty years OF ~.
fort theroupon resulted in an
amendment 20 tho constitution
prccludlng IL hoped -lho nu.
prcmo court from again wiping
out this essential source Of in.
come 60 the government
The particular statute made oc.
easion for the supreme courts
decree IN 1895 had been passed
Ia tho preceding year. II was
resisted by strong financial In.
terests. John q. Carlisle. secrr.
tAry OF tho treasury. said no
could not enforce II because his
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

ping stone 10 others. larger and
more sweeping. until our politi.
cal contests will become n war
Of the poor against the rich; a
war constantly growing In IN.
tsnsity and bitterness"
Chief Justice Walter Clark OF
the North Carolina supreme
court has estimated that this de-
clsion OF the u. s. supreme court
saved $1,000. 900 900 n year for
tho woalthiest class OF this eoun'
try. a billion a year for 20 years.
until the people amended tho
constitution and a new income
tar law was passed In 1915.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

department had no funds for the
pul pose This IL the same Car.
nslo whose turning over 10 A
iyhalcate headed by J. plerpont
AorEnn OF bond on which II
was alleged the syndicate made
a profit OF $4,000. 900. had
caused one u the government
scandals Of tho BOs)
congress passed an urgent de-.
ilolency bin giving tho treasury
100000 with which 20 enforce
me new Income tax lhw. Before
~ passed, 30 oT Senator Petit.
grew has declared. no was OF
Tered $4,000 n DO would vote
against u and persuade four
vlher senators OF his popullst
group 90 do the same.
Having become a law, the he,
was readable only In the courts
The Farmers Loan & Trust com.
pany announced II would pay the
income tar ana one OF liz stock.
holders thercupon brought suit
10 snjoln. so the case on which
me supreme court made this mo.
menious decision. affecting The
government and The whole OF the
people, was suit 10 which The
government was not a party. I,
rested entirely between member.
OF the same concern. The gov.
eminent WINS permitted TO Offer
argument JHiy as a matter OF
courtesy
Attic no improper motive was
alleged on his part. Justlcs
shlrHS was scored By many news.
papers following the courts de.
cision. for having changed his
mind over night with his vote
The act war declared unconstltu.
ilonaiy 5H'o g.
Tho courts opinion wns writ.
ton By Justice Field. Ills ian.
gunEe illustrates the theory that
'hs court too often decides cases
on Ia conception OF public pol.
icy admittedly tho solo concern
OF eonErosnl rather than on ita
conception ~ the law.
Tho present assault upon cap.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
KEEP LOOKING YOUNG
It's Easy--If You Know DR..
Edwards Olive Tablets

The secret OF keeping young Is to
feel young--to do this you must
watch your liver and bowels--there's
no need Of having n sallow com.
plcxion--dnrk rings under your
eycs--pimplos-u bilious look in
your face--dull eyes with no
sparkle. Your doctor will tell you
ninety per cent OF all sickness
comes from inactive bowels ana
liver.
DIR. Edwards, n wellknown physl.
clan In Ohio. perfected a vegetable
compound mixed with olive oil 20 act
on tho liver and bowels which ho
gave TO his patients for years.
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets, Tho
substitute for caiomel are gentle In
their action yet always effective
They bring about that natural buoy.
ancy which all should enjoy by ton.
Ing up tho liver and clearing tho
system OF impurities.
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets nrc
known by their olive color, 15c and
Observation-Disclosures.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
1t Was Somethin q Like This

As understand it, for millions of years oil gath
cred in Teapot Dome and then the oil in Teapot Dome got
peeyed at the secretary of the interior and decided it
would quit the reservation.
In the nick of time Harry Sinclair, who owns horse
named Zev gaoped to the ranch of Alkal AL at Three
rivers informed that the oil was quitting Teapot Dome
after 100000 of happy residence and was fleeing
to nearby privatelyowned oil pool Alkali AL Just up
and leased the whole blamed Teapot to Harry which
breeder, else he might have bought the old sand ranch
next door and let the runaway naval reserve oil lust
naturally congregate in his corral
York Pa, man will paint his house white saw
whole town painted
society women painted Hampstead Long island with
rouge and eyebrow pencils 49,
Wyoming oil claims In Salt leaving the
claimants Salt Creek. - -
Hounds lose Rcdding
learn auto tire trcads. ~
Evansville Ind unmportan girls Ieaye
home. May me $50 '
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

Editors Note-Loweii Mellett.
OF this papers Washington
staff, has made an extensive
study Of tho movement 10 cur
tail tho power of the supreme
court. Mclloit has written
series Of articles giving the out
standing incidents In the courts
history, This Is the eighth ar
tlelo Ia che series.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

Without an income tax the
government probably could not
have fought the civil war 10 a
successful conclusion. without
an income tax Il Il difficult 10
see how tho terrific financial
drain OF the world war could
have been borne by tho Ameri.
can people Such taxes were
possible and were used during
those two wars, 20 why raise tho
question:
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
X LETTER FROM
AVRiDGE MANN

HALLOWEEN
ydck-o-LaHtcrHs. candle ploting.
Cast a tpicrd aud ftrtstcd CLARA a
hasoueradcrs oaHy shotciHg
Funnv faces errrptghsre.
shsctcd spirits strangely sfaiLino
IN solemn haunted host
Hedr them usoaHiHD tehac they're teaikiHg.
"oooool Ne good or elsc you'H roas
i'Rs ghoIii'
Apples haHgiao. apples bobtlHgi
Catch an apple n vou caHi
Happy laughing children mohhHg
Candy boz and cookie can,
sie'Hg aH apple peel abora yoa-
Future bcaHs arc iR the fuck'
n ns ~" then Dan triu tote poa--
Maybe Darid. Don or Dick
Tekc yor pteki
sodpy irindo,os. doorbsiiI rinsiHri
Fanoy eosiumes. fan aud note:
Wirdoio tck .facts. iaHtsrHs s,dHging-
Dertis fake Tho form Of soyii
Coiohciis faLic--lisisni Hear ar
Don't BE- eFantY' Dont b. wfeEi
Nous the Hipht 81 Yosihfm Spirit
kccp BoBr oira remembrance green
Halloicccni
MyaSs q. Aamm
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
WEATHER CHANGES CAUSE
SICKNESS

Extreme changes OF weather dur.
Ing Fan cause many colds and
coughs, For quick relief from
throat. chest and bronchial trouble
coughs. colds and Group. use Foleys
Honey and Tar. Contains no OBI.
atea--lngredients printed on The
wrapper. Largcs, selling cough
medicine In the world. "FoIey'a
Honey and Tar Is the most pleasant
and efficient remedy for coughs
ana colds that ever saw" writes
VIM. Jones. III Dara. Illinois-Ad.
yertiscment.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
NM MEN IIkE prGEr sOUNp

n Z. s. S. Nevada Live Wire
because OF tho
really sincere friendship OF the people In both ports
OF Beach We not
and cheats but had the pleasure Of
glad
ship Of the salo their happiness mutual
Pedro and Long Beach, but
the frauds and cheats out
a deal. It's for the first train out
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
As Bad, but We Don't Know If

The international situation is just as critical TODAY az
IT was at any time during the world war Myron T. Her
rick our ambassador to France told friends lust before
he sailed for Paris But there is one big difference
he added During the great people knew thew were
IN danger Now they don't" That's saying it in few
words " Wv
WHAT'S ie rouge bcweena girl and herog Nothing
is on her lips. ~ ''""s'
Mellon taxes regarded a pood ain, ma
election IL coming. - " s'"' ''s" MI
nay not be Coodgcs fault hold the lob as well M
Iaddc Boy did. - 49, ' Wv ~" 10 VIC" "'
European artist girls soulful eyes Eyerybov does
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31
N
y n
They

NEW YoRd
| boys II 1 a
arsaparllla II
write my "a
never ncyer
Goodnssf &
difference? i
Why you n
a great deal 4
I came 20 Sd
. ion ~ proml4
= every day q
= promise is
And a stoN
ever come "a
promise? !
Let me thin
| Oh. yes / q
member that 4
the very MOI
And he said
you1i find II
out a new ID
trains-In ho
where. you "a
, But Of couu
you couldn't
It's astonishing
forgcts. SO
every day-ev
day-and now
be able 20 do
feel Il. ] knoV
Then It's %
you out
Oh, isn't Tho
Alas. oh. how
Well, that {
But II ought
ways easy FOR
get our colu1
have an inter
like the dlTec
Island railwaZ
one OF US
get out his z
others have z
add some sm
even have 10
wednesdays {
That's rlgh
cracks would
reader. There
thu reader Cd
they were eve
a smart cracN
nienty often
Oh, what
only twice a
] had an eas
Well. we b
all right. Yo
have TO help
boys?
Oh yesi o.
him some md
Now boys.
Just can't stat
That's enough
There. He
devil. Strong
used to the
haitian. Herr
you all got 4
you?
All I have
morrow is a
Film Guild K
artistic movic
inal intentid
enough. but
mand the 20
effect. Furth
saddle their
The Scared
magnificent L
year-"Purita
weighted dow
brance when
Cameo theatd
However, g
Puritan Pas
no means lid
boy type OF
costumes and
fury courtier
creature who
to being by
does il beaut
But outsid
much. In I'd
who have bed
art - -. n.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

The skull OF In
Shut You leave Bryan alone.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

WIN King they They win find out II his
wife could straight. -
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

ltd." wrote Field. IN but the be.
ginning. IL win be but tho step.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

prune win 30 times bigger this than last We
Once the Joke OF the w boarding
house, costif / o arocraey.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

Uncle Sans attitude political prisoners" sim I'm federal
prisons apty illustrated by window
reads follows you Step inside and look over
special sympathy
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

missions Brazil We send
n avail missi Whosm ritarisi
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

Here's two declining" Paris bans
Birth 3 $
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1923-10-31

hardly fall days who
shot arrested