Evening star., 1923-06-28
SONG OF UNSUNG HEROES--MEN WHO
EXAMINE d. C.'S NEW AUTO DRIVERS
impaired With
Them, Steeple Jack
| Has Safe Job.

The profession of an airplane pilot
Is pacific pastime; the job OF
steeplejack is mere bagatelle; the
duties of a ships captain on stormy
seas are tame; yea, such ways or
supplying the family larder might
be considered safe compared with the
hazards of three privates Of the met
ropolitan police force attached to the
traffic bureau.
Daily, ten, fifteen and twenty times,
they place themselves at the mercy
of the beclouded brain of an appli-
cant for a District automobile driv-
er's license. They leave their sta
tion at 18th and E streets northwest
return whole; they are the heroes
OF the District of Columbia, unsung,
unknown and unhonored.
Waiting for Dentist.
Nine o'clock or so finds group of
men and women, all ages and sizes,
Treasury annex. across the street
from the District building, with ex-
pressions on their faces indicative
of waiting for the dentist. Out comes
one of these otficers-either Dan
Foley. w. j. Cunningham or A. f.
Smoot-with a wad of folded docu-
ments in his hand. The crowd surges
around him. clamoring for the op-
portunity OF demonstrating it's ability
to drive car
Officer is smothered; fights his way
out. yelling he is taking them in
order" and to please be patient. He
gets an opportunity to look at the
hrst document. He calls the name.
RESPONSE is received. and, with the
man who owns the permit, the three
start out for the car.
Applicant gets in. Looks a little
nervous. Hands shake. legs become
weak and he wishes he were else
where. Car is sandwiched between
two others. leaving just room enough
TO get out. Nervous man steps on
starter and churning sound follows.
Respfrator fails to revive motor. Ex-
perienced driver in front seat offers
keep quiet. Then the officer says:
Are you prepared to do time for this
fellow If he nudges somebody into
the hospital?" Anwser is in weak
affirmative. All the while the churn-
ing continues until it dies down. bat
terry dead. After which 1t is dis
covered applicant forgot to turn igni-
ton switch. Crank resorted TO. Starts
this time, but has mistaken reverse
clutch for foot brake, and backs into
car DeHlTu MIN.
Friendly Advice.
Keep your wits about you. You'll
do better next time. Car won't run
by itself" is the friendly advice heard
from the back seat. Applicant by this
time floating further and further out
to sea. Turns wheel and starts for
ward with a five-foot jump. nearly
wrenching the officers neck loose
from his body. Engine chokes. Cranks
again. At last, on the open thorough
fare, headed for the wide. open spaces.
Follows a barraSe of directions;
first this way and then the other.
Down a street out OF the congeSted
area, a turn must be made, ''if it is
necessary to back. to do So" the COM
mand adds. The car swerves sharply
officer thrown to side of machine.
which looks like 1t is going a
a store. Timely thoughtfulness of the
engine to choke itself prevents a
tragedy. Applicant gets out to crank.
Is perspiring freely; has a most un-
comfortable expression. Again wishes
he were in Kokomo or Falls Church.
or the murdererS' row in the District
of Columbia Jail.
Completing turn by backing across
street. amateur driver SHES into
fender of parked car and his rear
bumper gets locked. More trouble.
Fails TO See Signals.
All aboard disembark and give as
siStance. Free at last, the turn COM
pleted up F street way the car with
its most uncertain driver proceeds.
Traffic signal at croSSin" saws
"Stop," which doesn't mean anything to
the driver-eyes glued straIG. Il. a..ead
and mind running on one-Way track.
A left-hand signal for a right-hand
turn draws further admonition from
the officer. A corner is cut short,
pedestrians scatter and a street car
is missed by a fraction of an inch.
The motor dies with starved wheeze
on a crossing. Driver now wishes he
were in Singapore. Receives encour-
agement from officer and takes new
lease on life. Down 14th street he
proceeds to the traffic bureau. Officer
alights and smiles. as though he had
just gotten up from a good dinner.
The applicant looks relieved, l. e., of
a terrible ordeal. Throughout the
wild journey little notes were scratch
ed on the back of the application.
The indictment of cutting corners,
choking motor, poor turns. improper
arm signals, etc, etc, etc, is read.
Come back in a few days when
you're more familiar with the car"
says the officer. "and we'll give you
another demonstration"
Yes, sir" whispers the applicant.
Accidents In Hour.
The crowd surges around officer
again. Soon he is seen to leave in