davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
JEWISH LAUGHS
By Jacob Rfchman
By Jacob Richn:-.n

In the evening light two far mers sat comfortably on the porch and chatted chummily of their respective farms. The oats, the barley, the alfalfa had all come under their expert comment. Now their attention was directed to their battle.
 How is your dark bull?" asked the host.
 "Ah, he's doing more harm than good" informed the visitor de- tractively. I'm going to sell him to a butcher. And how Is your white fellow?" queried the good neighbor with keen interest.
 Mine is worse than yours, and I'm going to do the same"
 m tell you what" suggested the practical neighbor. "let one of us go to the city and sell them to a butcher. Why should we both waste a day?"
 Suppose you go," said the owner of the white animal.
 All right" consented the kind neighbor. And I further suggest that in case one animal dies on the road each should stand half the loss.'
 The terms were perfectly agree able to the other.
 The next day the owner of the dark bull was on his way driving the two animals toward the city, and the white bull died on the road.
 You know. Moishe," said the farmer sadly as he re- turned home to break the bad news to his neighbor, you know that my dark bull died on the road and according to stipulation you are to stand half the loss. As it was worth 500 roubles, we are to divide the 500 roubles l received for your white bull"
 We never agreed on anything of the kind" Moishe denied cate gorically.
 The owner of the dark bull went to the rabbi, who summoned Moishe before him and made him swear that he had never entered such agreement.
 Now, l might as well tell you the truth" remarked Moishe's neighbor, with an elfish twinkle in his eye, as the two left the minister's house. It was not my dark bull that died. but your white one, and I thought I owed you 25o roubles, but as you swore that we entered no such agreement, owe you nothing, then"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

he may know just where he stands and what statement he may render his banker to satisfy all reasonable ques- tions. Bankers have held farmers to less strict accountability than they have merchants and manufacturers. This has been of less benefit to the farmer than he has usually realized. Now that he is putting his marketing and buying on business basis he is finding that his other affairs tend to fall into the same orderly procession.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
THE TERMINAL SERVICE

Information comes that, although +he terminal station route service has been cut from two one-nan cars to one two-man car, thus reducing that service fifty per cent, three cars have bcen added to the North Birmingham route which serves the terminal sta tons. the offect of which gives seven and half minute servlce on fiat line. where there was one ot twelve minutes. As far as the sta tions, the effect of which gives cars on the North Birmingham route appears to have more than compen- sated for fifty per cent. reduction in thc terminal route service. It does, l o~evcr, remain that persons using ire terminal route cars for general | rurYoscs,- especially those residing a,onc that route, have had transporta- ton reduced one-half.
 Vale the public approves the ln- , ease in the service to the stations provided by increase of cars on the North 5 rmingaam car hne, It cannot he admitted that a public utility has the right under it's contract with the people to reduce service on the non profit lines, even when it is increased on the profit-bearing ones. The trans portation system must be viewed as whole, and all lines, those that are profitable and those that are not, con- stitute the legitimate overhead which the company assumed when it secured it's valuable franchises for occupy ing the streets with it's premise of adequate service. The company is to be credited with it's effort to main- tain and even improve the terminal station service. Remedy now should be applied to the inconvenience wrought on those who relied on termi- nal route cars for their daily trips.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
TOO MUCH CREDIT?-

Tie agricultural relations commit tee of the Illinois Bankers Associa- ton is quoted as expressing the opin- ion that the farmer is suffering from too much rather than too little credit. If this means that the American far mer is too deeply in debt, undoubtedly it will be generally admitted. There is a distinction between a debt in- volving capital investment and a mere operating loan. The former is long term loan and involves the title to the farmers property in the nature of lien. The operating debt, on the other hand, is of short duration and payable out of the current years ac- tivities. The less of the former the farmer has the better off he is.
 Fortunately, the conditions under which the farmer has struggled on year after year with little relief from his burden of debt are giving way to more pleasurable situation. More orderly marketing and more orderly buying of supplies have combined to stabilize the farmers business. He thus obtains more for his products and pays less for his requirements. The margin is his own and furnishes hope of relief that has already in some cases materialized. The basis most satisfactory all around is for the farmer to arrive at such a financial position as will enable him to meet his obligations promptly and to close his books at stated quarterly, semi annual or annual periods, in order that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
10 FAVORITE BOOKS
(As chosen by Dan BeardD

LAS ChOSCh Dy DssAA A'N ssAAy Emerson's Essays
 Songs of Sourdough (Robert Service).
 Lorna Doone (Blackwood). Tom Sawyer (Twain). A Yankee in King Arthur's Court (Twain).
 Tales of Wayside Inn.
 Robinson Crusoe (Defoe).
 Colonel Crockett's Exploits and Adventures in Texas (written by himself).
 The poetical works of James Hogg particularly The Witch of Fife).
 The Ancient Mariner (Cole- ridge). Copyright, 1923. in United States and Great Britain for The Age-Herald by the North American Newspaper Alliance. All rights reserved.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
MOTHERS OF FAMOUS MEN
The Mother of Sir Isaac Newton


 Hannah Ayscough, the mother of Sir Isaac Newton, had no idea that she would ever become a fla nous woman. She was an Eng fish country girl, the daughter of a man who owned a very small property. She became acquainted, in the natural course of events, with a neighboring farmer, Isaac Newton, who promptly came a-courting. Isaac Newton had "a little farm of his own--only a small piece of land, but he was a serious minded, likable young man, quite acceptable to the far mer's daughter.
 Hanna Ayscough, however, found little happiness in her mar riage, which she had entered into with such high hopes for years of loving companionship. Only a short time after the marriage her husband became sick, and in spite of all the loving care that the young woman lavished upon him, he died. And then their son was born, whom she named after the dead father. Isaac" Perhaps the deep seriousness that always moved Sir Isaac Newton comes in some degree from the grief that his mother felt in the days sue ceeding his fathers death.
 After some two years Hannah Newton married again. becoming the wife of the rector of a church in a town near her former home. At no time did her mother-l love for Isaac Newton, her first born son. grow less. She had three other children, but she thought tenderly of Isaac, and was fortu- nate in leading her husband S people to think tenderly of him also. She wished Isaac to obtain good education and to become farmer like his father One day when the boy was in his later teens" she said to her brother, a minister and a college graduate: William, what are we going to do with Isaac? He will never be- come farmer! He's always read ing books, working problems. and making mill wheels and I don't know what" Send him to col lege." said the brother promptly, Make him a learned man! Maybe he'll turn out an inventor, who knows" So the mother talk ed with the boy, and sent him away to Trinity College, thus starting him on the road to his long ca reer as England's most learned man of science. Even the great Isaac Newton needed a mothers anxious love and guiding hand.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Ika5sSleeORCH ~ ~BEARER

Even if it should be decided that the city has a legal right to maintain it's nauseous and noxious garbage dumps, it will still have no moral right to do so.
 Instead of fighting the injunction the commissioner of dumps should welcome it as another compelling req son why he must act.
 Why should public official use legal means to escape doing his plain duty?
 Indeed, the commission may well ask itself which is the more important duty-to save money or to save lives? By saving lives it will be doing both
 Those spots on the sun seem to be getting red hot
 There was once a bright lad, who, in answer to the question of how far the sun is from the earth, replied: "Too far to interfere with my work, if I get the job" Evidently this oc- cured during the winter.
 A mans kisses are warmer than a woman's, according to Dr. Schmack, who knows all about schmackology.
 Somebody has discovered that the earth is nearly 3,OOo,oo0,ooo years old, but what's a few billion years among scientists?
 Bachelor Dies at IA; Never Smoked or Drank"
 The first. 114 years were the hard est.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
POOR BOYS WHO
 BECAME FAMOUS
George F. Bacr
By Frederick Houk Law

George F. Baer
 George F. Baer had the oppor- tunity to go to school for only a short time. He had to withdraw from his classes, to give up the thought of continuing regular ed- ucational courses, and to find work. This was nothing to him. for he had always worked. ever since he could remember. On the Pennsylvania farm where he had been born he had to take part in carrying on all the work of the farm. He had fed the horses, looked after the hens, milked the cows, helped in having time, mended stone walls, cleaned up old harness. chopped wood and, in short, did all the other thousand and one things that a farm boy has to do. Now that he. had to leave school he was ready for work once more. This time he turned to the village printing of- flee, thinking that there he could, in a way, complete the work of the school. In fact, George F. Baer did make the printing office his school, for he not only learned the trade of the printer, but he seized upon every opportunity that presented itself to read pa pers and books. Furthermore, he studied in the evenings at home, and thus, in spite of fate and poverty, gained an education, even if he could not go to the schools to get it. A newspaper office Is the best of schools for the teach ing of composition, and to the training that he gained there George F. Baer, the great railroad lawyer, admitted that he owed much of his ability in expression.
 The second step in his successful career was when he left the print ing office, took a short course of study in a school, and became a sort of secretary in a factory, quickly gaining promotion be- cause he was accurate and faith on to college. Now, with his brother. he took control of a pa per of his own and at twenty was a country editor. He might have continued in that work but the Civil War led him to enlist. When he returned from active service he began to study law, was ad- mitted to the bar. and became such capable lawyer that he was made attorney for a Pennsylvania railroad. In this work he again served so faithfully and well that he at last became president of the road, the Philadelphia and Read ing, and a man of great wealth.
 His intense effort to gain an ed ucation had repaid him many times. and had made him into a useful man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

MT. Reginald Denny, the red-blooded hero of the pugilistic movies, takes his attorney in hand to deny the report that he uses facial cream to preserve his manly beauty. He would have it known that his only facial treatment is administered with the aid of a pair of boxing gloves. MT. Bull Montana, on the other hand, coyly refrains from discussing his pulchritude, although it is rumored that his girlish complexion is due to daily massage with a steam roller.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Working for Home Town


 The advertising of Tuscaloosa and the activities of the chamb Der of commerce are such that but few cities can show a like record in efforts that cannot fail but bring forth substantial results. Again, when you see the substan- tial business structures and the many beautiful homes you know there can be no doubt that much of Tuscaloosa's strength lies in the cooperation spirit and friend ly feeling that exists in the heart of her citizens. The love and de- votion for the work they have set out to accomplish-the building of great city, and an answering desire that Tuscaloosa be looked upon by all as the best place to live in Alabama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
THE WATERMELON BLUES

Predictions of a possible coal famine next winter are not worrying the ma iority of Americans who think little of blizzards far ahead while collars wilt and the asphalt goes bad. Fore casts of a sugar shortage have com paratively little effect on many who do not possess the proverbial sweet tooth, or who have not felt the pinch of enforced self-denial. But threats of watermelon crop failure-that is another and gloomy tale. Already there are warnings of such disaster. It is said that Georgia's shipments will be little more than half normal. Flor ida's have already fallen short. Ala bama's are below the average. From Mississippi, Tennessee and the Caro- linas come similar disconcerting re- ports.
 Nothing can take the place of a ponderous, crisp, cold watermelon, whether it lies near the bottom of a moss-fringed we'll, wallows in a gush- ing country spring, hobnobs in the bath-tub with cakes of ice, or per spires freely at the bottom of the re- frigerator. Peaches, pears, grapes, are all well enough in their time and place; but the mammoth watermelon splitting an inch or two ahead of the old kitchen knife and offering tempt ing glimpses of a huge red heart toned just right with rows of black seed well it is in class to itself, the real thing; there are no substitutes. Any half-grown boy who has tackled a quarter-cut and besmirched his cheeks with dripping slugs knows about it., whether it happened at a Sunday school picnic or with even less for mality beside the old swimming hole after successful negotiation of Far mer Corntassers favorite patch.
 Thousands of Americans living in cities and looking to warm Sunday evenings when the family tops off a long ,scorcher with a fifty-pounder that makes the mouth water and fills longing void, will grieve to learn the news-a watermelon shortage! Even cold, bromidic Northern contempo- rary, that never gets excited and in- variably reduces things to the wither- ing test of logic, admits the serious ness of the situation in these mem orable words: Watermelon. cold red-hearted and juicy, is an inalien- able right, product of the soil neces- sary to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Watermelons were in tended by Providence always to be plentiful, like light and air. It is a direful prospect"
 Bravo! of course they were. But who would have thought it was in him, living, or rather, existing up in frost land nine months out of the twelve? :? There's hope for any editor who shows such an appreciation of the good things of life all but growing wild in Gods country. For our part, we can but feel bit blue over the outlook. A deep well of sympathy bubbles within us while we contemplate a con- genial neighbor pacing his broad front porch, his face bearing the suggestion of worry as he awaits the familiar call of the black piccaninny-"W Water mil-lionsw
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

A couple of Polish statesmen set tied their disagreement in duel with two harmless shots. From reports of the average foreign duel, one won ders why they don't choose popcrack- CTS and coffee for two.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

A shortage of labor In this country is an indefinitely preferable situation to a shortage in the character and standards of unassimilable immigrants whom some short-sighted industrial employers want to bring in.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Up Against It

(Detroit Free Press)
 Candidates will be wise, to con slider whether wetness may not have a tendency to dampen the fires of enthusiasm. Though, of course, on the other hand, what is excessively dry is likely to go up in smoke.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
For "Greater AIabamas


 The Greater Alabama" confer ence held in Birmingham in which representative civic, transporta- tion, commercial and industrial leaders of the state formed an organization to secure co-ordi- hated effort to present in an ef- fective and compelling way the advantages of Alabama to the world at large is bound to accom- plish helpful and lasting results. The surest way to upbuild any To- cality or any city from the noun tains to the sea is to develop the resources and eXalt the ideals of the great state in which they all have their being. The movement is recognition of the principle that the interests of none are in conflict, but are in harmony and can only be carried forward by
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Page Mir. Plato

It's kind O nice to have you come An talk the evenin' through. . It's good to hear you arguin' Bout what you like to do. =. I act reg-lar dumbbell- Just sit and' watch you smoke An puff and talk an smile at me An chuckle bout some joke. Don't know as you appeal to me, Or as I appeal to you. But it's kind O nice to have you come An talk the evenin' through.
 -Ru Theda.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Cotton and WeeviIs

 From all reports the first infes- tation of the boil weevil was very heavy. Many acres of cotton have been severely punctured and the crop in Autauga county will be cut several thousand bales. We have enough acreage in cotton to make 14,000 bales. The Progress realizes that after frequent rains of several weeks ago the labor of the farm worked steadily and strenuously to clear the fields of grass and feel that rest is need ed. However, the cotton crop is not yet made. Those who pick up the puncturad squares and fight the weevils with poison and oth- erwise will make the crop. The next forty days will decide the cotton crop of this year. May every farmer fight In some way the weevil.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
BERRY TIME IN GEORGIA (James Hampton Lee, in Atlanta
 

VI e'fffS'' f11f1 P NNTf f<ocI III ~htId IT ' d
 JournaD It's berries by the bushel
 On every bush and brlac; It's sure a merry tussle
 To see whose reach is higher. Gay groups go from the city Through all the countryside:- The country folks have pity, And with them all divide. Black berries and wild cherries And the wondrous sugar plum (The girls get stained, the dcaries, Where bees mid flowers hum ) The hills and dales of Georgia Are simply miles of smtles:-- Just joy among the honetolks
 As summer time beguiles.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

It is said that the coal operators and coal miners gathered at Atlantic City are anxious to get their points of view before the public. What the public wants and demands is fuel, not propaganda.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

The trouble with the Washington minister's suggestion, that delegates to the peace conference in Europe should keep the Bible before them in order to stay out of war, is that war for the other fellow is a large part of many European politicians religion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
The Point of View

(NeW York PosO
 In Paris they have revised Coue's famous formula to read, "Oh, hell, I'm we'll" It is under stood that General Dawes has adapted the new wording for American use by touching it up after this fashions: Hell and Ma ria, I'm as strol\y as Goliah."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Growing SkepticaI

(Mar1On County NeWs)
 The budget committee of the legislature Is preparing a bill to present to the body when 1t re- convenes by which 25 per cent. will be added to the cost of auto mobile tags, and one cent addi- tional will be added to the tax on gasoline. These additional sums are expected to produce s250,00 a year, which it is said will go to the state highway department for building and maintaining good roads. We have almost grown skeptical about these additional taxes; however, we shall see what we shall see.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

Announcement that the United States is now independent of the rest of the world for dyes adds color to the statement that the war was a ben eft,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
A SUGGESTION

(Cleveland Times-CommerciaD
 We should think those Connecti- cut clocks that are to be prohib- ited by law from keeping any thing except standard time would go on a strike.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

When young man imagines that particular girl is the light of his life, it is up to some married woman to strike a match.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
THE PARAGRAPHERS
Not Marketable

MT. Box Is willing to give s100,000 for a good peace plan. although he must know he couldn't sell it to the Republican party for a dime if he got 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
DOING THEIR BEST

(New Orleans Times Picayune) Cigarettes made in the first quarter of the year would circle
 the earth three times" And from
 the looks of the sidewalks smok-
 CTS are actually trying to do it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Speaking of Signs

The meat merchant emerged from his shop, carrying a can of paint and brush, and portrayed a sign on the window:
 "Grased Pott Rost 25c."
 While he was admiring the result of his labors the senior partner came out to look it over. With a look of high brow scorn, the senior partner snatched the brush and, with a few delft strokes, changed the first letter of the sign so that it read:
 Erased Pott Rost 25c."
 "There" he said, and gazed with a superior air on the junior partner as if to say: What do you know about literature ?"-Fred s.
 We have often wondered what would happen
 If newspaper neglected
 To print picture
 Of bathing girl
 We see that ground on the audito- rum site has been broken. Is there no way of having it repaired?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

If every man got only exactly what was coming to him, the world would be largely inhabitated by grouchy peo- pie with grievances.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Benevolent Assimilation

My straw hats getting dirty, But 1 have plan in view; I'll hike to wonder restaurant And get one good as new.
 Dick AK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

Pete Llanuza, the celebrated car tooner, hastens to inform us that there is sign on Michigan avenue: Dodge Repairs Here"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

The average mans idea of music is lot of noise with frequent changes in the key.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
"Anteater Bites Owners Leg"

When riled up, an anteater would just as soon eat an uncle. But it must make fellow feel like an insect.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

Without going into the general merits of the case, if that New Mexico editny was convicted by a bunch of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11

Old Mexican jurors, it is not surpris- ! ing that he denies having been judged by his peers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
The Bigger Part

(Opelika News)
 Day by day and every way we are more and more impressed with the fact that Birmingham consti- tutes a major part of the state. Last evidence is the report that of 123 new members booked at the late meeting of the druggists of Alabama, more than one hundred are in business in the Magic City.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1923-07-11
Food Crops Needed

(Talladega Daily Home)
 Outlook for a big cotton crop in the cotton belt, and boil weevil outlook in Alabama. appear to in innate to the Talladega county farmer that a little bigger corn and food crops would not come amiss next winter and spring.