Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-04-12

Perhaps after all a man isn't to
blame If he thinks more of his stem
ographer than he does of his wife;
he can dictate to his stenographer.
! Says Which?
Colored Recruit: Say, sahjent, lu-
cidate to me de s'niieanee OBJ dis heah
numbah which pears on nah loomn-
UNI lavilleah."
Old Timer: boy, listen to know
ledge. OATS yo' heavenly billet num-
bah in case de ole bony gent wild de
crooked razoo axdently unhitches yo'
soul from yo galluses.'
Colored Recruit: Hot towel! Sho
hopes nah wings fits bettah dan desc
cowhide bahges, p'vidin' all has to
propel mahsef to Numbah 3,250,sS4
Pah-dise Avenoo."
/ " y Y X
Here and There
Nov that doesn't hurt much. does
it?" asked the dentist kindly as he
bore down on the buzzer
'N-n-no," replied the patient feebly.
"The drill doesn't hurt so much but
I'd be obliged if you'd keep your cuff
out of my eye."
1 Policy
"Stiddy there, lion, take it aisy,"I
quavered the Irish zoo attendant in
| his most soothing tones, as the trans
fer of wild beast was being effected
Whats the idea?" queried a COM
rade. Calm that hyena lion."
Have We no tact? Can't We see
It's fiatterin' him ami"
The Barefoot Boy
Blessings on thee, little man,
Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan.
Though the air is growing bleak,
Stick to it another week.
On next pay day, little man,
Dad viii buy shoes-if he can.
She Was Satisfied
May-Are you sure that he thinks
of nothing but you?
Grace-I should say sol Hasn't he
just lost his position because he could
not keep his mind on his work on ac-
count of thinking of me
Il 4 4
Epigrams of Eve
Most of the mischief in this world
is done by the people who go about
doing good.
The good die because they realize
that there isn't much use living if
they have to be good.
1t is because a woman is a riddle
that man is so reluctant to give her up.
No matter how loose an engagement
ring may be, the diamond never slips
round on the inside of lady's finger.
A woman's instinct is that which
tells her she is right whether she is
or not
The astonishing woman is she who
can conquer the world in frock she
has made herself.
Mistaken Identity
Lightning knocked over three men
who were sitting on boxes in front of
Sawyer's store yesterday. One of
them was knocked senseless; the other
/ home.
How to Make Money
Get a half dozen eggs, pumpkin
lpie, loaf of bread, pound of wien
ers, cash register and a box of pa
per napkins and start a chain of res
taurants. The public has learned
how to make this sort of business pro-
fitable. You can retail egg sand
wiches at 20 cents each, giving you
profit of $50. per cent. By using
razor you can cut pumpkin pie into
twelve pieces and can retail the piece
at 20 cents, thus each pie would bring
| you $2.40, representing profit of
4 1000 per cent, as the original pie cost
you IL cents. You can get 81 out of
every loaf of bread by serving two
small slices of toast for 10 cents. 1t
is being done every day, and so far
as the fare is concerned the public
simply eats i i up 3
i An attorney of LosAngeles adver-
tised for a chauffeur. Some twenty
odd responded and were being ques-
toned as to qualifications, efficiency
and whether married or single. Final
ly, turning to negro chap, he said:
i How about you, George; are you
married?
Quickly the negro responded.
Naw-sir, boss, naw-sir. All makes
nah own Twin.
/ o. E. Davis says friend is man
who'll help you smoke the Christmas
cigars your wife gave you.
| Wouldn't it be good thing il all
the grouches were as bad off as they
think they are, asks Geo Groves.
n Y y 4
Girls born on Monday are beautiful,
but jealous, according to an old be-
lief. Girls born on other days of the
week are about the same, only more
so.
- - n n
What To Do
When the Office building blows over.
When the building begins to totter,
if your Office is on the top floor, step
into the hall and say "Going down."
On the way down notify the agent
that you are going to move to the
ground floor.
! AS you emerge from the debris, re-
mark to a policeman that there were
more bricks in that building than you
thought.
Pick your rteongrapher out of the
ruins. Dust her and say: "Guess
shat will be all today"
Then go and work off the old one
about "the rapid tumble in real es-
tate"
Foolish Etiquette
! Many a family skeleton insists on
wearin' short skirts.
/ y y y n
! Paste this one in your hat:
Homemade whiskey sure is risky,
/ Bootleg stuff's certain killer,
| If you wish to linger with us
Stick to pop and saspariller.
Success is run on the serve-self plan
There's one bigger fool than the
/ a