davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
SENSE AND NONSENSE
"A Little L Rclhed BY Of
"That ought to be goo,

"'l'hat ought to be good
enough" "
The note was made out and the
man got his ten dollars and to the
surprise of the cashier, forked
over one hundred Thousand dol
lars in bonds.
Now, it's none Of my business,
but why" observed the puzzled
banking man, do you put up all
that security for just ten dollars
what s the idcaG"
Well" spoke the merchant
with a cunning look, "you charge
ten dollars Tor a safety-deposit
box, don't your This way get
the bonds deposited for just six
ty cents, the interest. y
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Liner DELAYED to Save Life.

The value that we set on human
life today has been dramatically H.
Illustrated by an incident on the Allan
tic ocean.
An explosion in the engine-room
of freight ship caused terrible In.
juries to the second engineer, a young
man named O'Neal. There was no doc.
tor on board, so the captain sent out
wireless calls for assistance.
Seven ships repled. In six cases
doctors told the captain what treat.
ment would be likely to give the best
results.
But one passenger liner did more
than this; 1t put $50 miles out Of It's
course and sent lifeboat with the
ships doctor In K, who attended to
the patient and then had him trans
ferred to his ship. When the liner
reached England he was comfortable
and on the way to recovery.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
onthanking the Bankers

A small merchant approached
the cashier of big bank in New
York and asked for a loan of ten
dollars.
"why, certainly" said the
cashier, "You can have ten dol
lars. Any good security" he
asked smiling.
"Oh, surel" replied the mer-
chant, cone hundred thousand
dollars in Liberty Bonds"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
STRATEGY

Three Scotchmen went to
church. each clutching tightly the
penny he intended to contribute
when the plarc was passed. Con
Sternation rcigncd when the mir
ister announced that this partic-
ular Sunday an effort was to be
made to raise the mortgage, and
asked every member of the con
gregation to make a substantial
offering.
During the prayer the Scots
held whispered consultation as
to the solution of their delimma,
and reached a satisfactory decjs-
ion.
One tainted and the other two
carried him out.-American LIE
zion Weekly.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Use Your Own Judgment

The young lady was taking the
census. The young man who
opened the door asked her to step
inside because they had sickness
n the house and didn't want to
keep the door open. Influenza
prevailed in that neighborhood,
so the young lady was bit cau-
tious. cit isn't anything conta-
gious, | hope?" she questioned
suspiciously. "Twins, n,a'am,"
was the reply.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
More Than Two Sides

Edwin James. the war CORES
pondent, who had just returned to
America and was on a vacation
in Virginia, met one of the farm,
crs of that state who immediate
ly engaged him in a discussion OF
the League of Nations.
At times the argument grew
heated, the warmth abating with
the farmers concluding remark.
"Well, you should know, Mr.
James" he said, "there's always
three sides to every qestion-my
side. your side and the right side.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
That's It..

Mr.. Wampoodle was trying to e1-
plain.
You know what l mean. It's the
play where they have the witches
cauldron."
"Witches Cauldron."
"Yeah."
ooh, yes, | know"
yeah
"You mean the home brew scene
from acbeth."-Louisvllle Courier
Journal.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

Unusually candid IL nm advertising
merchant In Lennox s. D, lie says
ave don't claim that other people
are clients and liars, We don't Judge
everybody else by ourselves"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Real CaVe.Mhn.

~ was mad with George last night"
said n girl Of her sweetheart.
"Ycs," said the ill.nNtured brother
81 noticed when ! looked in the pnr.
lor that you were up In arms"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Only 4 Burden.

"rd give n million for your Stom.
ach," suid a dyspeptic Croesus to
mcndlcnnt
"You might rs well have It," replied
the other, Il don't use It much"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
A Delicate child.

"Do you mean TO say you have had
bath nlreudy?"
mo, mnmmu, the tub was all full,
fly fell In, then was just simply
dlsgustod. Life
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

perdlta-How do you like Ferdinand
as a sweetheart? I always thought his
lovc-making rather cold.
Philippa-It is somewhat depressed.
But isn't his technique great?
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Hubby and Wlfey.

Hubby and Wiley,
1--WE learned one thing from this
fishing trip"
"What is that, dear?
"You will wait more patiently for :.
cheap fish than you will for your
wife" -Louisville Courier-J ournal.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

Owed to q Restaurant
Twas in restaurant they met
One Romeo, one Juliet.
Twas. there he first fell into
debt,
For Romc.od what Juliet.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

If skirts are heightened, how
are we gonna recognize our
friends?
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
Yea, 30!

The visitor had Just foozled and
mashed Il hole in the turf, which
flew over his head in a cloud.
81 see" said the broker, there Is
& change in the market Real estate
shows decided upward tendency"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

Hamilton says: "a little garlic
now and then will drive away the
best of men,"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
CONUNDRUMS

When is a bill not a bill?
When it is dew.
What is the proper newspaper
for invalidS?
The Weekly News
When is bar of iron like a
bad note?
When it is forged.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

"What kind of cake is this,?"
"Why, that's devil food, my
dear"
"Well, if the Devil gets food
like this I'll 90 to Helln'
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

Here's to the ladies, God dress
'cm--we cam
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18

Lots Of people are too conscien-
tious to lie, yet they manage to
suppress the truth.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1922-08-18
BAN !

My bonnie leaned over the gas tank,
The height of It's contents to see.
And lighted match to assist him,
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

system becomes saturated with pol
sons, the patient becomes thin ana
pale and I'm time various complications
are apt to result.
Tanlac is powerful reconstructive
tonic and quickly overcomes this con-.
ditlon by aiding nature to eliminate
the impurities from the system In a
natural way and enable the Vital or
gans to properly perform their func-
tons. That is why 1t Is called Ma
lures Medicine.
In fact, there is not single por-
ton of the body that is not benefited
by the helpful action of Taniac. which
begins its work by stimulating the d.
gestive and assimilutve organs. there
by enriching the blood and invigorat-
ing the entire system. Next, 1t en-
ables the weak, worn-out stomach to
thoroughly digest its food and convert
the nourishing elements into bone,
blood and muscle. The result Is you
feel strong, sturdy and well with the
proper amount of flesh, as Nature in
! tended. Sold by all good druggists
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

Millions of people have not only
been relieved of the most obstinate
forms of dyspepsia and indigestion by
Tanlac after other remedies have
failed, but large numbers of them
have reported a remarkable and rapid
Increase in weight and n return to nor
NAL health and strength by its use.
In fact, so phenomenal have been
the gains in weight by thin, frail peo-
pie through the use of Tanlac that
this remarkable preparation is now
being proclaimed everywhere as the
Worlds Greatest Tonic.
The food people eat does them alb
solutely no good unless they digest II
properly. When you suffer from in
digestion and other forms of stomach
trouble, the food does you harm in
stead of good, because food which Is
not digested stays in the stomach and
ferments, causing pains, swelling. gas
on stomach, shortness of breath, bad
taste I'm the mouth. dizziness and
many other disagreeable symptoms.
II this condition is permitted to run
on for an indefinite period the entire
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
OILED ROADS ARE APPROVED
Operation Must Be Performed intelli.
gently or It VIII Make Con-
ditions Worse.

The American Highway Bulletin
which approves of oiled roads, OBJ
serves that oiling must be performed
Intelligently or II will make conditions
worse instead of better. According to
this authority II is useless to oil dirt
road which is not thoroughly drained
and properly graded. II Is waste OF
money to oil a road which does moi
have a smooth hard surface free from
dust. II the surface Is uneven. oil
collects In shallow depresslons and
softens the surface so that after the
FIRST heavy rain the travel tends to
make mudhOles ut these places. II
there Is dust on the road, the oil com
blnes with the dust to form sort of
mat. which the travel over II quickly
breaks up into large flakes or scales
But II the road Is In proper condition
10 receive the oil and the right kind
of oil is used, the oil percOlates into
the pores OF the earth for depth of
several inches. sealing them with an
asphaltic binding material which
unites the surface into a tougher mass
than the original surface. The oil
cannot make the road any harder, foi
only stone or gravel will accomplish
that, but II viii prevent the displace
meut of the earth particles under any
loads which an earth rond is adapted
to carry. II the oiled surface Is i'm
mediately covered with thin layer OF
clean, hard sand, the travel will moi
disturb the oil and the travellers will
suffer less Inconvenience.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
DUTY WELL DONE
Springfield Citizens WnrthiIy
konored LincOIn's Memory.
Writer Who Knew the Great Pres lent
Conmends Placing Of Tablets
OF Points OF Interest.

Springfield citizens have discharge
. daiy which the nation has owed to
Miture generations. They have re-
called the memory Of Abraham Lin
coins lke In Springfield by placing
thirteen BRONZE tablets at places made
Historic by events In Lincoln's career
while he resided there. writes Henry
u. Rankin In the New York Tribune.
These tablets bear his name and tell
u the events that TRANSFERRED ut tho
sariOas places and dates. The bronze.
sbe designs and the workmanship
represenr the best quality Of memorial
xrt.
To younger citizens who never knew
Atm and to the thousands Of visitors
wbe'are attracted to Springfield only
hcenuse II was the home OF Lincoln.
ahese tablets will be most revealing
sf his presence In the Illinois capital.
These memorials are a living embodi-
n,ent Of the Lincoln spirit In Spring
hcid esd nre as appealing and more
vOiceful than even his tomb. He still
Eyes VI Springfield now In daylight
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

the telegram notifying him Of his
nomination; at the G. NJ. Smith build
ing. In the third story, where Lincoln
wrote his first inaugural address also
the tablet reciting events at the State
house (now Court house,. where his
great speeches were delivered and
where his body lay In state and from
where 1t was borne to the tomb. The
fourth tablet marks the law Office
which Lincoln occupied the last seven
teen years he was In Springfield. This
Is to me the most appealing and sacred
of all In memory's retrospect.
Lineoln's Law Office.
The first three mentioned | will not
further refer to here, as they were
fully described In my Personal Recol-
'ections of Abraham Lincoln"
or the Lincoln law Office some more
intimate recognition of the part 1t had
In Lincoln's life deserves mention at
this time. This Office was the center
of Llncolns legal, political and literary
activities In Springfield. Volumes might
have been written Of what took place
here, had there been such compe-
tent, gossiping scribe as Boswell al
ways present to take notes OF what
TRANSFERRED.
II Is now more than sixty years
since passed daily under the swing
Ing sign, Lincoln & Herndon," and up
and down the stairway. into and from
=, ha oh roam Ineatad In what ,yoa than
a two-story building. This had been
the law Office of Abraham Lincoln for
the last seventeen and most strenuous
years he spent in Springfield
IL was my privilege. for several of
those later years, to share In that Of
flee it's routine as student, and tc
enjoy the personality and instruction
Of this most remarkable man of his
century.
The end OF his presence nj the law
Office came the evening of February 10,
1861. recall seeing Abraham Lincoln
passing that night, for the last time,
out of his Office and down the narrow
stairway 10 the street On the fol-
lowing morning he departed from
Springfield on his mission into the
strange, strenuous sacrificial life that
has embalmed his memory forever to
endure In the heart OF the ages.
Foresaw Coming Events.
No place In Springfield, not e5en his
tomb, throngs with memories such as
this office brings to the students OF
Lincoln's history. Lincoln's most
studious years were spent here, as
well as the most aspiring ones. II
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

was here that he grew clear vlsioned
on the futures national problems ant
threw his whole soul into their solu
tion. Here he acquired his dexterou.
skill In handling human implements
Political events rapidly succeeded eaci
other In those years he spent there
These arose to climax at length with
swiftness unlocked for by most others
Not so TO Lincoln. They eliminated al
last suddenly bringing fierce strife
of brother against brother of state
against state. Dark clouds filed the
political and national skies, bursting
at last into storm of bitter hate and
bloody war This had become inevi
table.
When tina, hour of need had STRUCK
1t was from this Office there came o
man fully prepared by years of study
for those fateful hours. An honest
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
ROAD +.
BUILDING
scRUBBlNG-BoARD SURFACES
porimental Highway to Deter
mine Cause Of Waves.

prepared by the United States Department
of AgricultureD
p. What causes "tarred" road TO de-
velop that peculiar scrubbing-board
surface is a question that has been
worrying the highway engineers quite
as much as the long-suffering public
AS often as not the symptoms appear
In macadam road that has been
treated with asphalt. But the trouble
In largely confined to roads built with
tar or asphalt. Concrete and brick
roads never develop such surface
and ordinary dirt roads seldom do.
The bureau of public roads Of the
United States Department of Agri.
culture Is building at the Arlington
(va.) experimental farm an expert
mental roadway Is feet wide In an at.
tempt to discover the cause of the
trouble. The road Is laid out In the
form of circle with n 00-foOt radius
and It's circumference, 565 feet In
length, Is 10 be divided into sections,
each of which will be surfaced with
a different kind of asphalt or tarred
surface.
The experimental sections will be
built exactly like actual road surfaces
and when completed they will carry
traffic" as much like actual traffic
as II is possible to devise. The "traf.
fc" will be supplied by driverless
motortruck which will be held to the
circular path by means of long arm
extending from the center. The course
Of the truck will be altered from time
to time so that the entire width Of the
roadway will be Travelled.
1t has not been possible to determine
the cause by observation Of actual
roads because there are too many un-
known quantities. The defect may be
due to distortion of the earth under
the road surface or to defects In the
surface itself. II Is probably caused
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

tall. gentle. strong man, heroic an6
sad, who was constitutionally called
by his fellow cOuntrymen from this
office and placed at the helm OF stat,
to preserve our national union. H.
that time of political turmoil and civil
revolution he guided his country safely
through blood and fire and tears, with
steady. mistaken faith In God Gnc
man.
Truly "A Man for the Ages"
II was not the opportunity nor the
stress of great occasions, such as the
delivery of his speech in the Illinois
state capital on "a house divided
against itself cannot stand" nor the
! debates with Douglas that followed Il
nor the opportunity before New Yorl
audience at Cooper institute, that nc
count for or explain the progressive
development OF Lincoln.
II was not SalSm, Springfield Oi
Washington; II was neither Stuart
Logan, Herndon, Douglas, Baker. liar
din nor the able men I'm his cabnel
and who surrounded him In so man,
other capacities, both civil and mill
tary; who can have the credit OF prom
lnence in the making OF Abraham LIN
coin, much as those places and some
OF those men have contributed TO II.
After aud beyond all these influences
and those times and men that he there
moved among, and rising beyond all
comparisons with them. we clearly dis
Germ the unique and exclusive per,oA
atty of Liuc9lu himself.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
WRITTEN AT TOMB OF LINCOLN

Here idle lies behind this gate,
Where little children and the great
Forget.me.nots and laurel lay,
All the useless, hallowed clay
or Lincoln, In his lonely state.
A spirit, vast, compassionate,
unfaItoring in a world Of hate
OF little men who rage when they
Hear idle lies.
Lord, how we silly humans prsts
OF llfe's ineonsequential date,
And epoch passes while we pray,
An epic sung while asses bray;
A god went by that We, too late,
Hers idollzs!
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
Gate fer CROSSINGS.

A new safety gate for railroad cross
lngs is designed which stretches across
the road like the old style gate, but is
flexible and elastic, so that II gives in
stead of breaks when run into. The
gate will force the vehicle backwards,
away from danger.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
Are Positively Guaranteed
to Put On Firm Flesh,
Clear the Skin and Increase
Energy When Taken With
Every Meal or Money Back
Double and SinQIe.

Marry him If you will. but IN
warned" the dear friend said. Ills
will lead double life"
Maybe he WILL" responded the
maiden who was 10 longer In LIES
spring, "but I'd rather he led double
life than that led n single on: -
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
@|x.E!I1lE 7'Ii'7;IyI'J;,l
Confirmed.

Gough-Do you see that Ford has in
vented n mechanical cowf
Tatler-EInmph should think the
steak had for lunch yesterday was Off
that animal.--London Answers.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
THIN FRA|L PEOPLE
SHOULD TAKE TANLAC
Hundreds of Men and Women All Over America
Appear To Be Physical Wrecks Simply Be
cause Their Systems Are Starving
for Nourishment.

There hundreds of thin rundown men and women
all the United States who should be strong sturdy and
vigorous with rch red blood gng through their veins and
feeling brimu life energy they would only profit by the
experience United States and Canada and
digest they simply taking Tanac
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

The Old United States Court Building,
Springfield, on the Third Floor Of
which Was Lineoln's Law Office.
as well as at midnight and limited no
SoOger by Lindsays poetic vision OF
Lincoln Walks at Midnight" The
p0et wrote:
"a d portentous and thing of state
ThRi here al midnight I'm our little town,
A a0urning figure walks. and will not rest.
Near the old Courthouse pacing up and
down.
SOme Of the locations marked are
nnore ultimate than others 10 the
waler, though all are worthlly and
c0Erertiy placed. -Four of the tablets
mhrk places and events where was
pSesrsi and familiar with the events
eiled These are the ones at the old
Journal Office. where Lincoln received
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10
Useless Work on Roads.

Work on dirt roads AT this season lie
worse than useless unless the soil is
very dry and the road is hard rolled
after working.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

In some way by the wheels of motor
vehicles-how and why the engineers
have not determined. largely because
they have never possessed all the facts
with regard to surface and subsurface
conditions and character and weight
OF traffic.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

People in hurry will agree with
YOU, anyway.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

The stern man isn't always behind
In his business.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

Better good-paying job than low
salarled position.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1922-02-10

Strengthen The Nerves and In.
vigorate The Body-Easy And
Economical To Take-Results
Surprisingly Quick.
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1922-01-31
When Critic Turned Desperate

Nm MGrah writing his "reminiscences for Francisco
- by in the following interesting
mos days Martin powins @ saloon TTenyeshS Street
scheme ne Ss os s Us 'nS make SS s ''0 told me great
NATURALLY was Interested and Grifo then oOnfdod in me his
r epane9 yhat % he had % besm friendly with some O, the great
w entered and
He looked Delaney and asked If thought all
that immedsteiy picked An%erdp@
~ rheh m peianS scsms s srUaaws with rfo He a him that he
other
An TEh! .,d s1id Ins GE1to when sSs
II detailed the tools We then
Delaney and
% had "nny sack tgl of old iron which told oriffo
II handed him old sxshooter.
up to- the de of the bsSs and sot ou S the sack
s master @ GT % SSSs d $ Of % ho robS a the A'H0 D''y
CRITIC oo aPPg s on the the % snOsd You stand heEe m he said while
the The TRg he m SUned @ %aHF 20 wn G Se ee Ge b b, m m
"Grlffo started he
Il had of the
cement sidewalk with clash and angle that
"Griffo Jumped in of
street light dim as it where could
&c., When he finished suffering swallowing
"X0ai l have a policeman down us he
accident and
DELANEY We nHas MATED
or,i6 F5n, tSsS he is. ;9iS;
and m %as % s about % the d0Ta @ & rusty % and unoadsd xhoo in agd
DP out hus sRS ka SS @ % @ by e s' SSS collar and
whom RHsy Years OF b SSgrss & had planted in doorway
% % @ that s'fT % aSy s sG ai. Sa Moy % @ @ %
BLOODY Sr Ev9S ns o %d b Dan hGn cd nm @S I'm fighter look me
his aoeP S' ear s5 T pleading Ss4 % M the & S Of f % n pointing
all in jail % or ps thee n qf epaGss % as said
to be a abankr