Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-12-20

"osfSicHr 1921. az EDGAR ALLAH saoee-
Prudence
In Georgia they tell of a country
minister, the Reverend Tyler Bliss
VINO was driving spirited horse thru
village when he overlook the local
physician who happened to be on foot
and invited him in for a lift.
Ten minutes later the horse boIted
tipped over the carriage and spilled
both men. The doctor rose to his feet
and felt himself over to see whether
he was injured. Then he turned an
gerlly toward the clergyman.
See here" he demanded. "What do
you mean by inviting me to ride be-
hind an animal like that?"
Welp', replied the minister mildly
1T was lucky that this time there were
no broken bones. But alweys like to
have doctor with me when | drive
that horse"
~ - = =
Snappy Work
Pete Wilkins had just entered the
service and his young wife was the
proudest woman in forty-eight states.
She was boasting of his achievements
to her brother.
Isn't Tom wonderful ?"she exclaim-
ed: He's already been promoted to
field marshalli"
From private to field marshell in
two months!" calculated the brother.
Why. that's impossible! The thing
can't be did,"
'Did / say field marshall 2" muir
INJURED the. girl. SWELL, maybe it's
court marshall. know it's one or the
other"
4 4 4 4
Bang!
The ex-buck's son had reached the
curious age and it took all his dads
time to satisfy his inquisitiveness.
You were talking in your sleep
last night, pop" the youth volunteer
ed, "and you kept saying shoot a dol
lar, shoot a dollar. How can you shoot
dollar, pop?"
swell, answered pop painfully, "the
dice are often loaded
y - . -
Too Many Customers
He was one of the youngest recruits
who ever graced the Army and his
voice was in the process of changing.
Into the company barber shop he drift
ed and, in tones that were at one mo-
ment promising bass and in the
next feeble treble, demanded a hair
cut.
"Heyl" calculated the bewildered
barber, looking confusedly about him.
Zone at time, one at time!"
\ y 4 n
In Quandary
What's Sandy Macpherson study
ing about?"
"He's in a bad way. He's in the
habit of letting his pipe go out and
he can't make sure whether he saves
more. for tobacco or wastes more for
matches"
n y \
Too Much for Him
Mother: No, Bobbie, absolutely no.
For the third time / tell you that you
can't have another chocolate.
Bobbie lin despair): Oh, gee, /
don't see where Dad gets the idea that
you're always changing your mind.
1t Sure Will
The newly appointed pastor of col
ored church announced that his first
sermon would be "Am They a He'll or
Am They Not? An Will Prove That
They AM"
The church was packed as the new
parson arose to prove his assertion.
Brethren, ''he said, "The Lord made
the world round like ball." Amen,
cried the congregation. "And the
Lord made the world so it could go
round and round" amen, was the
"And the Lord made two
axles for the world to go round on,
and he put one axle at the north pole
and one axle at the south pole"
"Amen," agreed the congregation.
And the Lord put lot of oil and
axle grease in the center of the world
so as to keep the axles well creased
and Oiled" Amen" said the con-
gregation. "And then lot of sinners
dig wells in Pennsylvania and steal
the Lords oil and grease. And they
dig wells in Kentucky Louisiana, Okla
homa and Texas an din Mexico and
Russia and stes the Lords grease and
oil. And some day they'll dig so many
wells that they will have all of the
Lords oil and grease and them two
axles is going to get hot. And then,
that will be hell, brethren, that will
be hell"
Two fussy travelling salesladies were
riding in opposite seats in the train.
One thought the car was too hot, the
other said it was too cold.
Just then a dusky porter came thru.
Porter" commanded the first lady,
81 wish you'd open that window. I'm
nearly smothered.
'sDon't you do itl''snapped the other.
IF you do I'll freeze to DEATH"
The porter scratched his head.
'What you 'spose All should do in a
case lahk dat?" he asked a portly
looking travelling man,about two seats
to the rear, trying to enjoya little
reading.
"Open it a while and freeze one;
then shut it and smother the other"
y 4 y
Swanson was i'll hundred. In spite
of the fact that the street car was
overcrowded, he managed to get
seat over in one corner of the car. In
front of him stood three young wo-
men, VIII looked at him in such a way
that he knew they thought he should