The Washington times., 1922-10-07

- atory Associa-
6sAW#I tion.
>>2"'-' Mr.. Fixem was
WILLIAM HARD. found by the cor
respondent Of the
Cosmopolitan News Service standing
at the corner of y street and Con
necticut avenue and gazing gloomily
at the cellar of the British embassy.
Il always feel gloomy" said Mr..
Fixem, when | see something that
| cannot inspect"
"Of course" continued Mr.. Fixem,
II shall now be able TO inspect Brit.
ish ships. ! am thankful for that
gain. | calculate that in order to
inspect British and other foreign
ships for liquor in our ports II will
be necessary TO employ 500 additional
inspectors. You may put il in your
paper that the membership OF the
Worldwide Reformatory AssoCia.
ton, consisting exclusively OF the
heroic men and women who serve
the various governments OF this
world as inspectors of something or
other, will soon pass the 100000
mark.
What are your plans for future
expansion" said the Correspopdent.
We'll" said Mr.. FixUm, we have
several new projects. We expect,
for instance. that very shortly there
will have to be large number OF
new inspectors for watching the
water in the Dardanelles and the
Bosporus in order to see that II
flows in a free and neutral manner,
and in order to see that the Turks
1N q
also hope very soon to secure tEe en-.
ployment of maternity inspectors by
the League of Nations"
viii they supplant the federal
maternity inspeCtors?' said the cor
respondent.
Certainly not" said Mr.. FiXom.
There will be municipal maternity
inspectors, state maternity lnspec'
tors, federal maternity inspectors,
and League of Nations maternity In
speCtOrs.
am opposed TO secret maternity
and secret diplomacy Some day
will inspect this embassy. How do
we know what may be. happening
in it? There may be people in 1t
this very minute looking at unlh'
spected motion pictures.
"Rut they probably brought 1t in
from London under diplomatic i'm
munitv," said the correspondent
That's Just it" said Mr.. Fixem.
"DiplOmatiC immunity Is the last
refuge OF freedom in the world. l
use the word freedom in scorn-
full and contemptuOus sense. Diplo'
mats cannot be inspected for any
thing. Everybody else can be IN
speCted for everything. Is this
fair?"
"Is it," said the correspondent
cautiously.
at is not" said Mr.. Fixem. And
we are going to change 1t. Gov
ernments now inspect everything
done by their citizens. The League
Of Nations will inspect everything
done by governments. Ana every
dIplomat will have the record of
his fingerprint in the central inter
national inspection headquarters at
Geneva.
"Rut who will inspect the League
of Nations?" said the correspondent
That problem" said Mr. FiXem'
has naturally oCcasiOned me much
thought. have tried to devise
some method by which the inspeC-
tors of the league could be inspect
ed. have decided that the best
thing that could be done would he
for all the inspectors in the woriC
TO elect representatives VINO wouIo
sit in Geneva and who would repre-
sent for instance, the liquor inspec.
tors, the motion picture inspectors
the book inspectors, the art galler9
insnectors. the maternity inspectors,
Tho radical literature inspectors, the
nassnort inspectors, the lottery in
snecfors. the transoceanic gambling
insnectors, the travel-only.with-you
wife inspectors, the Bolshevik spy
inspeCtors, the Sunday baseball in
sneCtors. the literary inspectors, the
intelligence test inspectors, the mar
rage license eugenics inspectors, the
birth license inspectors, and so or.
"These representatives continued
Mr.. FiXem, will sit in Geneva and
will supervise the league inspectors.
If, for instance, the American liquor
inspector fails to inspect the cellar
OF the British embassy here, and If
the league inspector fails to remove
the American inspector, then the su-
Dreme eIeCleu Cnlel lHSpeGlOI VI dll
the liquor inspectors of the world will
remove the league inspector. Young
man, have you ever reflected on in.
ternationalism?"
Have II" said the correspondent.
"If you have" said Mr.. Fixem,
you will realize that all these ef.
forts at inspecting that are now
being made by separate nations
are nothing at all to what we are
going to see when internationalism
gets really going. You just wait
till the international inspectors
come around"
But" said the correspondent,
with all these inspectors, where
are you going to find any people
/ after while to inspect7"
1--WE rely" said Mr.. Fixem. ION
the proposition that a lot Of people
will not be able TO become inspec.
tors and will become traffic police.
men,"