davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
Healing Cream
 Stops Catarrh
Ciooged Ar Passages Open at Once-Nose and Throat Clear.

If your nostrils are clogged and your head stuffed because of catarrh or a cold get Elys Cream Balm at any drug store. Apply a little of this pure, antiseptic, germ destroying cream into your nostrils and let 1t penetrate through every air passage of your head and membranes. 1n- stant relief.
 How good 1t feels. Your head is clear Your nostrils are open. You breathe free1y.. No more hawking or snuffling. Head colds and catarrh yield like magic. Don't stay stuffed up, choked up and miserable. Relief Is sure. ;advertisement.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
AN EVENING PRAYER Furnished by DR. w. A. ALLEN.)

Almighty and most merciful Father who has given us new commandment that should love one n- other; give also grace that may also fulfil it.. Make us gentle. courteous, and forbearing. Direct our lives so that may look each to the other good in word and deed. And hallow all our friend ships by the blessing of Thy Spirit for His sake who loved us and gave Himself for us, Jesus Christ Lord. Amen.
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
Daily Sentence Sermon

The fellow who is all in will also find himself down and out.
 News of the Names Club We learn that J. Mysoglad is liv- ing in Chicago, and our explanation of it is he feels that way because he has the chance to move away from there.
 A. Kissick is reported from Man chester, Ohio We've often wondered if there wasn't danger of lip sticks making a kissick.
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
Fool Questions

C. T. asks: "Is the Chairman Of standing committe the only member who is allowed to sit down." We guess C. T. is another victim of the heat. lt
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

Many American radicals want the 'politicap' pris- oners in America pardoned but they favor keeping the political prisoners of Russia in jail Do they also approve the wholesale killing of those who differed with the political beliefs and acts of the Bolshevsts?
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
Recipe for Ideal Vacation
(BOss Please Note. )

bOSS Please NoIe.J
 Two weeks with pay to enjoy usual summer trip Two weeks more with double pay to rest us and catch up.
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

H. c. Wells threatens stand for Parliament but his British constituents have yet indicate that they will stand for Wells-( (Philadep phia Record.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07
Way Is Seems

Patient: Well, doctor, if l am to go on a diet what shall l eat?'
 Doctor: "Oh, most anything you don't like"
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

The Russians would be enthusiastic borrowers if they could find any lenders. But all the enthusiasm is on one side Charleston News and Courier.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

Elmer Dover of the Treasury Department, realizes that when has a with the boss 1t generally is not the boss who gets fred -(Indian- apolis Star.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

G. B. Shaws diet is said consist chiefly of bananas. Now, wed have guessed lemons, the very first dash out of the box Cincinnati EnquirerD
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

The chief thing about the Supreme Court that Post)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

"Tnkering with the tarin once a profession or, sometimes. an Obesssion. Now, it's extra hazardous political occupaton.-( Seattle Times)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

If Congress wants to reduce the size of an army News)
The Alaska daily empire., 1922-08-07

Furniture moved and stored Heavy hauling done. Juneau Trans, fer. Phone AS. adv
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

ferred to his antagonist pop-eyed ed-haired pre-
varicator and Immediately the indignant gentleman
jumped to his feet removed his hat and spectacles,
and asked the Judge to rule on the accusation.
When the ambulance carried the last load of injured
to the hospital there only five jurors Witness
and the Judge left to proceed with the trial. Garret
went freer than book salesman g calling card.
But that only his second acquitta Twice q
posse of his peers had discharged him and he had
pied guilty he had to go through the mill again
to find out which Of the previous verdicts
correct. If there anything they hated to do in
Scrapville it to indulge in hasty justice Leisure
and its attributes the watchword in every task
so Garre went to the bar Of justice for the fourth
time with smirk on his face and hangover on his
breath.
Asked whether he was guilty or not guilty he re-
piled that it didn't make any difference he going
to insist on his rights
So the trial proceeded slowly possible. After
each witness excused the session would adjourn
while toddle-top and other forms Of gambling we're
indulged in by the counsel bailiffs and accused.
When all of the evidence was in like bungstarter
in a BARREL Carrots chief counsel put his closing
argument to the jury Victrola record, mailed it
parcels post to the jury and accepted invitation
down the river fishing
The speech wound up by saying: eff you cannot
give my client liberty, give him DEATH
Just to be stubborn, the jury ignored the speech and
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
WHOOZUS-WHOOZUS

panel and allowed 'em to go to the circus which was
playing village 200 miles away.
The second day of the hearing ended in a riot five
minutes after court convened when the prisoner,
Garret Whoozus McKenna rose in court and pre-
sented Judge Bozo with NICE red apple.
AS soon this ceremony over, the jury joined
hands and danced Ring Around Rosie with Garret
playing the role of Queen of the May The scene was
inspiring the portraits of famous juriss hanging
on the wall commenced to ooze fusel oil
Just when it was beginning to look like Garret was
guilty, he confessed. He knew that legal vancouver
would prolong his incarceration and give him new
trial. as a isn't completely guilty out where he
lived until he had established his innocence three
times or his insanity once.
So the third trial commenced with three brass bands
playing alternately and every pow standing idle in
the fields. There wasn't cog turning in Scrap
vile that morning except the gears of justice.
All the ring side seats in the hands of specua-
tors
Ice cream, soft drink and bootlegging concessions
had been sold to the lowest bidders and the proceeds
split between the Judge and prosecuting attorney who
later flopped coin for the entire four dollars
There couple of careless birds with money,
particular when it belonged to somebody else.
Carrots third and final trial dragged like ship at
anchor First the prosecutor would call the prisoner
a liar and then the foreman of the jury would have
to separate them. On occasion the defendant re-
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
By "BUGS" BAER

It cost Just as much to live in the old days. The
only difference that nobody paid it.
Now, grocers and deicatessen people wouldn't trust
Won any further than a stuffed owl can hoot.
guess it surprised folks who lived next door to an
empty house to go to sleep at night and wake up in
the morning and find the empty house was densely
populated by strangers within credit distance of
the corner stores.
Sometimes, they wouldn't talk to us, as there was
a stigma on moonlight moving, as they called 1t.
But affidavs didn't bother pop any, the less neigh
bors talked to him, the he could concentrate his
fury kids
We lived in some beautiful houses, both with and
without roofs. And never had any heartburnings
when we left family homestead, because we never
lived in long enough for sentiment to start fer
menting and get in its deadly work.
I always wanted to travel and the world, but
sometimes 1 think that tourists who get their
names in the society columns and go from Paris to
London and to Cairo and places in catalogues, keep
moving for the used to in the old days
IF you do big things they print your face and if
you do little things they only print your thumbs.
WE'LL good-by, and if cat is in your apartment,
feed it and keep it out
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

ing, thinking Of the Absent One.
Then an Hour or two in the
Library with the Jovial Macaulay.
Then to Bed in the lonesome
House and Dreams OF sweetie.
A TOUGH OUTLOOK.
He gave her Schedule which
she could consult at any time.
Day or Night, and thereby find
out what he was doing at that
Moment. II was Just ~ conwen.
lent as sending . Radio every
Hour or 90.
He held himself down until tho
Train had flirted around the
Curve for he knew that she was
watching him from the observa-
ton Car. Then hs threw his
Hat In the Air and began 10 do
Flip-Flops.
20, suppose this 10 Miser-
able" he said. II can see q very
poor Month ahead Of me-yes-
not. Ne wearing all my Bells
and taking a Hurdle every Fur
long"
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

conduct as q perfect husband has
been perfectly consistent and ex.
emplary. He has apparently been
supremeiy content to play the
part Of second fiddle to his charm
ing and prominent wife. Not once
has any incident appeared on the
surface which might indicate that
the perfect husband" was chat
ing under the strain Of maintain
Ing this reputation during the
American tour Of his wife.
When she appeared upon the
platform to make q speech she was
lighted as by q calcium with the
rays OF light directed toward her
that smsnated from the adoring
brown eyes Of Lord Astor. His
eyes did more than glow with
pleasure at the salvo of ap.
plause which was never omitted
at any Of her public appearances.
they actually beamsd with the
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

pressed It. The business Of the
House Of Lords, Of which Lord
Astor is a member. can not be very
pressing. as at no time was the
subject mentioned.
More than one woman has raved
over the perfect husbandly de-
meanor Of Lord Astor. At the oon-
vention Of the League Of Women
Voters before whom Lady Astor
spoke more than one woman
sighed with envy, not over Lady
Astor's title, nor her millions, nor
her six children. nor over her
beauty, nor her pearls, nor her po-
litical success, nor her promi-
nence. But they did sigh with
envy more deeply over the fact
that she possessed . really per
feet husband.
And sinoss the convention his
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

Papa had Just been strung for a
Months Rent In . Progressive
Jack Pot.
In the Morning when Pape arose
and looked at the cold Welsh Rab-
bits and saw the Ashes all over the
Place and when he had q Taste an
IL he were grinding valves, the glad
Bohemian Existence did not look rs
Good to him as It had when lighted
up the Night before.
Especially as he had got the
Zoop for some 50 Buckerines.
Still, there 10 no ono case OF Re-
morse that 10 going to head off n
Man who wants to be rejuvenated.
RESUMED MERRY CLIP.
He pulled himself together on
the Second Day and resumed the
Merry Clip and there was nothing
doing in the Macauley Line. Home
did not get him until the Lights
had winked out in the other Places.
He wonld not leave the Stage
Club or the German Garden, until
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

He rushed to the Telegraph Of
flee and sent a Wire to her. so
that It would catch her at the first
Station up the Road.
It said not to worry and to take
a Good Rest and everything was
moving along about the same as
usual.
With Love and Kisses.
After which he went over tn his
pet Rum Runner to sec II he would
mako . Reduction on Truck Load
Orders.
Hubb went up street on high.
His Indian Blood was all het up
and no told himself that he was
nineteen years old and never. mad
q Home.
Oh, but he was Poppy. He wns
out OF the Corral and into tho Red
Clover and nix any halter for him.
At least not for a Month.
1t happened that he had the
usual number Of disreputable
Friends. They were All Right.
but he did not dare to have them
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
ALTON THAT WAS TOO GOOD TO LAST

up to the House, because Angel
Face had investigated them and
returned True Bills.
They were q little too Gamey
for Presbyterian Circles, but they
fitted right in at any Function
where every man takes off his
Coat.
Husband began to use the Tele-
phone. and IN the course OF an
Hour he had organised . Pirate
Crew that would so a. far a. ycu
Like at any Game from Piteh-and-
Toss to Manslaushter.
BECOMES THE LIMIT.
For when . decent Married Man
does start out to IND something
different from the calm Joys Of
connubing in q Side Street he is
the Village Limit.
Husband had the whole Shop to
himself. He employed q Dark Per.
son who was q good two-handed
Worker with the Corkscrsw. Then
he had $40 worth of Rations sent
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

IN from the Dutchman's and ar.
ranged the Stacks Of Reds, Whites
and Blues. He told himself that
the only True Enjoyment was
found in Bachelors Hall.
His Roughneck Acqusintances
came in, showing more or less
Stage Fright. as they were not &C
oustomed to seeing Rugs and
Tides
They told him that b. had a
Swell Dump.
After they had been to the Tea a
couple Of times. they began to peel
and one Of them started some
Rowdy Work on the piano. Another
backed into . $50 statuette and put
It out Of business and then offered
to pay for It, but the Host said It
cost only ss cents at . Bargain Sale.
At 10 p. m. the Wife. who was in
Upper Seven. referred to her Time
Table and saw Papa sitting by the
Students Lamp. reading Macsulay,
She had no way of knowing that
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

four women appointed by Presi'
dent Harding to the advisory COM
mittee of the arms conference
ever appeared in Washington dur
ing the time that their wives were
discharging their public duties on
the committee. It seems to be a
trait Of American husbands that
they do not enjoy seeing their
wives doing things" in public.
Lady politicians no doubt Will have
Just a. difficult . time reconoilinH
their husbands TO their choice Of
q career m DO movie actresses.
We have seen how the husband OF
Constance Talmadge lasted just
six months because he could not
bear seeinG her sot upon the
soresn, and the separation which
her work with the movies en-.
tailed. what win some Of the
husbands Of the women who are
threatening to come to Congress
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

acy. But he never directed atten-
ton to himself In these addresses,
but rather spent his allotted time
Furnishing up the already shining
reputation Of his wife.
Many women nave given vent
to their spleen which they de-
veloped In comparing their okn
imperfect husbands with Lord As
tor. One Of the officers Of the
League of Women Voters, who con-
Quoted many Of the public sessions
Of the convention. said that her
husband could not be prevailed
upon TO come to Baltimore to see
her perform in public. He went
TO Hot Springs instead and re-
maIned In hiding until the furors
Of the convention was over and his
wife was ready 10 forsake public
life for the present 70 return to
the bosom Of her family.
None Of the husbands of> the
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

been soaked by Q Great Sorrow.
As the Missus looked at him
through her Tears and held his
Salary. Hook in hers, littls did she
suspect that he had framed UP
Poker Festival for that Night and
already Illicit Wet Goods were
spread out on the Ice.
He had told her that he was
going to sit up In the Library
every Evening and road Macsu-
lays History Of England.
BY opening the Windows on
both sides he could get aics
Breeze from the West.
Along about 10 o'clock. II he
got Sleepy, he could turn in.
Why not7
1t was q lovely Timetable that
he had mapped out. Ee sub
mitted II to Pet before she went
away and she put her o. X. on
II even though her Heart eched
for him. Breakfast at the strange
Boarding House.
Then sitting alone in the Gloam-
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
By KIRK MILLER

gave Garret twenty years nominal punishment for
having killed man whom the whole neighborhood
had threatened to shoot sight.
Twenty years in Scrapvile sort of vote OF
confidence 30 far penal servitude was concerned.
1t a complimentary sentence reached by the jurors
who tore up twenty bits Of paper placed figures from
to twenty each, shook them up in a hat and
then picked out the largest number.
Besides they knew that Garret would break his
way loose within fortnight, SO they locked the door
and threw the keys back in the window to him.
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
By GEORGE AIDE

they began putting the Chairs on
the Tables.
For the first two Weeks II was
immense. In time, however, It
struck him that there was a Ger.
tain Monotony in spending ones
money on the Night Owls ard
showing up with the Milkman.
The Poker Players were into him
and he began to suspect that he
needed . Guardian.
Like every other Man who sends
his wife to q Summer Place, he
ended his Hurrah by making a few
Resolutions and begging her TO
come Home.
And she will always believe that
he did the Macauley Act every Eve
ming while she was away. Which
is just an we'll.
Moral: In order to put . true
Value on Civilization, one should
pace q few Heats with the Indians
now and then.
copyright. 1874. by Bell Syndicate. Inc.
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
Bv CAROLYN VANCE.

this year do should their wives be
elected7 Shall we be treated to
a series Of divorce scandals involv-
ing women In political life just as
we are ssddened every day by q
fresh divorce IN the movie sworldH
A school for husbands, to train
them for husbanding careering
wives, is urgently needed In this
country. Men must be taught to
put up with wives who ure
more fitted for prominence and
success than they are themselves.
We are now In the transition
period. During the past an ador-
ing wife Of q successful man was
considered q natural and commend.
able attitude on the part Of the
woman. II the wives attain sue.
cess. why cannot husbands be
willing to play fair and play the
part OF adoring appendsEes OF
successful wives,7
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

THE one perfect husband is
about to leave our shores.
when Lord and Lady Astor leave
this country. the last OF May. the
tmost perfect husband in captivity
, will be seen no more within our
boundaries.
II has been suggested that
Astor would have rendered an in
estimable service to American
women, particularly women in
public life, had he conducted a
school for husbands. II only for
the very short while that he was
permitted TO visit in this coun.
try. The visit OF tho Astors Is
necessarily brief because my
work and my children call me
home" a. Lady Astor herself ex.
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

IN HERE was still another trbesman Of the Whoozus
strain who stood in jeopardy of his life two more
- times than the Constitution permits.
In the town where Garret Whoozus McKenna did
his lettering they administered the law out Of Spald
ing's Baseball Rulebook.
A batter isn't out until the third strike, and
murderer was never loose until he had been found
innocent three times.
Carrots first trial was farce. 1t was funnier
than ''Uncle Toms Cabin.
When the jury wasn't laughing it was asleep. The
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

NOE there was q wife who
gave the Money-Getter
" Vacation by going into the
country for a Month. Dearie took
her to the Train, and all the way
she kept saying that it did not
seem Just Right to romp away on
q Pleasure Trip and leave him
Stalled.
He insisted that she should
He began to fear that she would
Weaken, 90 he told her that while
he was shaving and humping in
tbs City. It would give him suf-
ficient Joy to know that Darling
was out in tho Woods, listening
TO the Birds.
He insisted that she should
stay until she was thoroughly
Rested.
OF Course, he did not dare to
make It too Strong.
He played the Self-Sacrifice
Gag and threw in a Dash of Marital
Solicitude, and made an awful
Try at initiating one who has
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

Pop was plain spoken man. but never used oaths
except in conversation. Pop great admirer OF
the theater and its tickets and missed circus
He felt that the drama at stake.
His business was so good that he had just been
forced to build an addition to this push cart. So he
told us kids to put collars and he would take
us to see Zip. Pop used to be great admirer of
Zip's and said he wasn't crazy folks thought
he was, because any with head like that saved
a lot of money buying hats.
WE'LL us kids went up and washed the public part of
our faces. Then pop changed his mind and said ne
wasn't going to the circus because it sample night
down at his lodge and he going to get some souve
Mrs. Seems funny now but house lived on samples
and giveaways. The parlor furnished with euchre
prizes by the folks, outside of the wicker
rocker that was of the nstalment period Then we
had Ridpath's History of the World that four col
lectors' had died
Pop didn't have much money, but he credit to
the neighborhood The coal man, butcher baker and
milkman know that now. When they got stubborn
and threatened to sue for their money would move
to another part of the city.
Makes me feel funny when folks talk about their
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

used to say It better than having your hoss
and carriage By the time that we finished moving it
would be after midnight it too late to put up
any beds and we would sleep the floor 1t very
economical and pop would have saved lot of money
if he had any to start with.
don't think living Is more expensive now than it
The Washington times., 1922-05-21
THE FAMILY ALBUM

old homesteads. We often and lived in so
many houses that old homestead would look like
the picture of city.
Whenever pop got his first and final notice from the
landlord he would tell the moving to call around
that night if there wasn't any moon.
All our furniture had wheels on instead of casters.
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

court reporter stole the official record dramatzed it
in all languages and produced the greatest comedy
since "Way Down East"
The first day of the second trial postponed on
account of rain Anyway, two of the jurors were busy
reading an nstallment novel published in the Hagers
town Almanac so the Judge excused the rest of the
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

After the wagon loaded would tie the rest Of
the beds and bureaus the dashboard. Then
would climb aboard and the man would whip his team
up to give them strength instead of oats.
There was ten Of us kids at that time, and if we
passed any policemen they would think it picnic
party coming back from fatiguing summer at one
of the fashionable winter resorts.
The moving wagon called around so often that pop
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

He showed up at the corner pool room two hours
later in time to read full account of his trial
the bulletin board.
He is now roaming the streets Of Scrapville with
chip on his shoulder for any guy Who will knock it
off in return for a clout on the beezer G. o. d.
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

WHATS an old tin type of pop, taken in 1892 at
the circus. It's beautiful example Of the roof
- art, amt itf
The Washington times., 1922-05-21

That's what makes living seen so high What
would there be moving nowi When you go into a
apartment house. you we got to plank down your
first months rent first. That takes all the romance
out of it.
Evening star., 1922-01-26

name. Of America, resorted to the
diplomatic methods Of old.
I'm its behalf It Is said Of the treaty
that 1t recognizes the principle Of
arbitration and gives protection
against external aggression. On the
other hand it creates q group OF ma
tions, and thus may encourage the
establishment OF other groups. This
treaty creates division Of moral puf.
pose. The league Of nations contem-
plates the merging Of purpose.
This treaty sets up a new enterprise
that may lead to other like projects.
The league Of nations assemblies all
nations deserving Of name. II the
Is to be accepted by America. it should
be provided that whenever America
Joins the league Of nations, then the
washington treaty shall be null and
Our faith in the Official pronounce.
ments of 1920 is unaffected by the
result of the election Of that year.
We stand In our very tracks, Just
where we were when the votes were
counted. We have not retreated a
step. The flag still flies and we are
ready for the. next fight"
Other Speakers. !
Joining with the former Ohio gov
ernor in criticising the Harding ad-
ministration were Senators Pat Har-
rison Of Mississippi and Atlee Pom
e~"ne Of Ohio and Mrs Gertrude