The Covington leader. (Covington, Tenn.) 18??-current, 1922-06-01

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HOW TO SCRATCH A FLEA .
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(By Earl HILL
Some Of my friends do not like the
subjects that I select for discussion,
but / always try to select something
of interest to the majority Of peo-
pie. Now, there are not very many
men who have not at some time
wanted to scratch a flea, or the place
where the flea was. | have had some
experience myself and will try to inn
part some Of my knowledge on this
subject to my suffering brethren.
Possibly the first thing to consider
would be the matter of time. 1t
would be best to select a time when
he is a little careless about how he
acts. If you have company some
evening after supper the flea is
pretty apt to be reckless, as he knows
your wife does not allow you to
scratch when there is company pres
emit. He will start to work about
/ the time your visiting neighbor is in
the midst of a long talk about some
thing in which you have no interest
whatsoever, but in which you know,
| from lessons given you by your wife,
that YOU should show interest AS |
have said before, he is reckless at
this particular time, and the longer
he works the more reckless he be-
comes. You twist and screw around
considerably in the hope that you
will brighten him a little, but this
only aggravates the flea and he.
wakes holder and bolder You should
then look up at your wife with
pitiful expression on your face, You
are not apt to notice, however, any
softening of the stern company ex-
preston on her face You then turn
to the neiqhbor and, with a sad smile,
pretend that you have heard every
thing he said. However, you can not
keep your mind off the flea. You
then set your mind to working on
some scheme to get rid of the flea
without scratching him. By a fine
system Of calculating you figure just
when would be the exact time to sit
down upon him. You can do this byI
figuring the distance he has already
gone and how long it took him to get
there, and then figure how much
longer he will have to travel to get to
the right place to be sit upon. You
may or may not get it Just right, but
even if you do sit upon the flea, the
flea will still be with you. No flea
was ever killed by being sit upon byl
a man. The sweat then begins to
gather UPON your brow and you
wonder why company had to come on
the very evening the flea decided to
come out from among your b. V. DIS.
If the company makes any remarks
about your being warm on this cool
evening, the sweat comes out that
much faster. You hope the sweat
will run down on the flea and drown
him. No flea was ever drowned,
You try to think of some excuse to
leave the room few minutes, but |
you can think of nothing that would |
stand a close questioning on the part
of your wife after the company has |
gone. You then try laughing the |
trouble off, but you laugh at the
wrong place in your neighbours con-
versation and meet very stern look |
out Of the eyes Of your wife. The
comrany then get up to leave, but |
stands around talking about nothing
for some time. You back up to some
thing in the hope that you will be
able to rub the flea against some
thing hard, but you can not find a
time when they are not all looking at
You, as you have already made your
self conspicuous BY being suspicious
looking.
However the company finally leaves
and YOU rush to your room. take both /
hands and scratch where the flea,
was, is supposed to be and where you
figure he will be. Scratching is the
only thing that will frighten a flea.
He flees into the folds Of your b. V.
DIS. and waits until company comes
again