davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-02-05
Choking with Emotion and Near-beer

was brought on merely to show
what an American Cook with a
Lumber Camp Training could do
to q plain slice of Steer after read
ing q Book written by a Chef.
Next, in accordance with honored
tradition. a half-melted SNOWFALL
impregnated with Eau de Quinine.
Just about the time that the
Head Lettuce began 10 emerge
from the Linseed OIL, a nut headed
swoozie moved down tho line Of
Distinguished Guests asking for
Autographs. His Example was
followed by $50 other Shropshires,
% that for the next 80 minutes
tho Festal Chamber resembled the
Auditing Department Of q large
Mercantile Establishment
During this Period, the Depart
msnt Of Geology in the University
was honored by tho appearance Of
Q genuine petrified Quail
Between the Rainbow Ice Cream
and the Calcareous Frontage, .
member Of the class Of '0s. who
could not Sing. arose and did 20.
Then each Guest had to take q
Tablespoonful Of Cafe Noir and
two Cigars selected by q former
student who had promised his
Mother never to use Tobacco.
Il was now after 10 o'clock and
time to 90 Home. Those who had
started to tune up along in the
Afternoon~were dying on the Vine.
Others, who had tried to catch
even on the 50 Ticket. felt ~ II
they had been loaded with Pig
Iron Up st the Long Table
enough Speakers to supply .
Chautauqua circuit were feeling
Of themselves to make sure that
the Manuscript had not been lost
Each thought that he was the
Orator Of tho Evening.
The Committee had put on the
Toast Program every one VINO
might possibly take offsnse 1t not
being Asked.
Also they had selected ~ Toast
master Q beaminG Broncho whose
Vocal Apparatus was made of sea-
soned Moose Hide and who rsmem-
bered all the black-facs Hokum
that Billy Rice used to lam across
to Lew Benedicts when Niblo's
Garden was first opened
After every thirty.minuts ad-
dress he would spend tan minutes
In polite kidding Of the Last
Speaker and then another ten min
utss In climbing q Mountain
Height from which to present the
Next Speaker.
Along about Midnight the Cow
ards and Cutters began crawling
out Of Side Doors. but most Of the
Loyal Sons of Old Bohunkus
propped themselves up and tried
to be Game.
Before / o'clock a Member Of
the Faculty put them on the
Ropes with forty Minutes on
projected Changes in the Cur
riculum.
At 1870 the Toastmaster was
making Speech No. 8 and getting
ready to spring the Oldest Living
Graduate.
Protected by all the Gray Hair
. that was left to him. he began to
Repinisce, going back to the Days
when II was, considered a Great
Lark to put Cow in the Chapel.
The Toastmaster arrived home at
. o. m. and aroused his Wife to
tell her 1t had been Great Sue
cess.
F., MORAL: II they were paid
50 o Head to stand for it, no one
tDouId attend.
.tcopyrisht the Ben Syndicate. Inc.
The Washington times., 1922-02-05
ID Days for 4 Eggs

GLASGOW, Scotland. Feb. A.
At Ayr Sheriff Court. Robert
Dickson, . farm servants, was sent
to. prison for fourteen days Cor
stselias tour sGsA
The Washington times., 1922-02-05

A LII those who had Done Time
~ At . certain endowed Institu-
= ton for converting Farm
Hands into Highbrows had to close
in once . Year for q Banquet.
They called II . Banquet because
II would have been q Joke to call
It . Dinner.
The Invitations looked like real
Typewriting and called upon all
Loyal Sons of Old Bohunkus to dig
up . sestsroesRn get ready for
. whale of . NiSht.
To insure . Riot Of spontaneous
Gsisty the folis@ins Organization
was effected:
Committee on Invitation.
Committee on Reception.
Committee on Lights and Music.
Committee ON speaksra
COMMITTEES on Police Protection.
COMMITTEES on First Aid to In
Jured-
Each committee held numerous
Meetings. at the Call Of the Chair
man. and discussed the impending
Festivities with that solemn regard
for pifflins Detail which marked
the Peace Conference
The Froiio was to be perpetuated
at 1 Hotel famous for the number
Of Electric Lights.
Tho Hour was to be s1o sharp.
30. At SIS four Old Grads. with
variegated Bslshazzars. were
msssed together In tho Egyptian
Room trying to IN the Date on
which Doctor Milo Lobsquossst
became Emeritus Professor Of sar-
scenic Phlobotomy.
Along about 7:3o . Bub-Com-
mittss wearing Satin Badges was
ssnt upstairs to . Private Room
to round mp some roosnt Alumni
VINO were trying 70 get . Running
start, and at 7:<S . second Dstach-
msnt was ssnt out to ind the
Rescue Party.
Finally at o'clock the glad
Throng moved into the Main Ban
aust Hall. which vas . snug
Apartment about the ssss Of tho
Mammoth Gave Of kentucky, done
In Gold and various shades Of Pink.
to approximate the Chsmbsrmaid's
Dream Of ParadisA The style or
ornamentation va that which pre-
eipitatsd the French Revolution.
At sach Plsts was . hudd1s Of
CAVIAR marooned on an Island OF
Cold Toast.
Those who had partaksn Of the
Synthetic proceeded to battle with
the Oysters.
These came In sextettes, wearing
a slisht Ptomaihe Psllor. On the
2oth Proximo they had said good.
BY to their Friends in Baltimore
and for Hours they had beep lying
naked and choked with thirst in
their little Canoes and now they
were to enter the great Unknown.
without pity from tho votaries OF
Pleasure t..
Luckily tho Consomme was not
hot enough to scald the Thumbs of
the 5oviai stevedores who had been
brought in - Extras, 90 the Feast
proceeded msrrily. many Of the
Participants devoting their spare
Moments to bobbing for Olives or
pulling Tho Irvine out Of the
Gallery. '...,. 49,.
The Fish had q French, Mans,
because Of having been in the Cold
Storage Bastiis. Each Portion
wore q heavy Suit Of Arnor. was
surrounded BY Library Paste and
served rs a Tee for Two Golf Balls
billed a. Pommes de terre. T. 80.
II was . regular Banquet, no
thsre was no getting away from
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
ONE HUNDRED YEARS Ago

Uzal Condict was Sheriff Of Ohio
County and Robert Barnett was
County Surveyor.
Richard Stevens and Val w. Pey-
ton hauled goods from the Yellow
Banks at SO cents the hundred
pounds.
Reuben Bennett was the farryman
at Hartford.
In speaking of the local distillers
OF that day. in former article,
failed to mention the name of Rich
ard p. Nall who sold Isaac Morton
two barrels Of whiskey, containing
SIS gallons, for $32.6o. Mr.. Nall
was man OF much prominence In
his day. he being the grandfather OF
Richard p. Bland. In fact Nall
Peyton. Phipps and Moseley were
the predominating names OF that
and lA,er days In Hartford.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
WITTY EVEN IN DREAMLAi!3
Rev. Washington GLADDEN. Was Able
to Recall Humorous Response
He Made During Sleep.

Many of US have dreamed Of wri:-
ing poem, delivering speech OF
making witty remark, that seemed
at the time wonderfully brilliant, hui
that, recalled on waking, proved to be
either commonplace or wholly mean
ingless That is not always the clSe
however, as story once told by the
Rev. Washington GLADDEN. proves.
He dreamed that the old house that
formerly stood near his church was
still there, and that old Mr.. Deshler,
who had been dead many years, still
lived In ii. Doctor GLADDEN. also knew
that his old dog, George, who never
failed to bark at the minister when he
passed the house, still lived. In the
dream Doctor GLADDEN. was passing the
house when the door opened and the
old gentleman came out, followed by
George, who, as~usual, rushed barking
up TO Doctor GLADDEN..
"Now, now, George" said the old
man, you ought not to do that. You
know that's friend of ours; that's
Doctor GLADDEN."
"Ohl l have met George before, "
responded Doctor GLADDEN. In his
dream. I'm fact George and l have
for some time had bow-wOwing &C.
qualntance. "-Milwaukee Sentinel.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Farms Supply Wild Life Loss.

According to figures supplied by
the Dominion bureau Of statistics.
losses to the fur industry Of Canada
caused by the spread Of civilization
In the North are more than made up
by rapid development of the fur farm
ing industry.
In 1920 there were 5S7 fur farms
In Canada, 578 of them foxes, six
mink, two raccoon and one karakule
sheep. The animals on these farms
are valued at a little less than S5.-
0O0,0OO, silver foxes leading.
The industry commenced on Prince
Edward island and has worked west
into British Columbia. By provinces
the farms are distributed as follows
Prince Edward island, 300; Nova
Scotia, 50; New Brunswick, 81; Que
bee, 80; Ontario, AZ; Manitoba and
Saskatchewan. 4; Alberta, 10; Brit.
ish Columbia. IL and Yukon Terri
tory, IA.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

-.
November 80 Is Mark TwsIns birth
day. The beloved humorist would
have been eighty-six on that day In
1921, II he had lived, His biographer.
Albert Bigelow. Paine. In writing Of
Mark Twaln's passion for playing
billiards. q hobby which endured to
the last, comments upon his great
physical endurance and perpetual
youth
II was comparatively a young man.
and by no means an invalid" Mr.. Paine
writes, but many a time far In the
night, when was ready to drop with
exhaustion. he was still as fresh and
buoyant and eager for the game as at
the moment of beginning. He smoked
and smoked continually, and followed
the endless track around the billiard
table with the light step OF youth. At
three or four o'clock In the morning
he would urge just one more game,
and would taunt me for my weari-
ness.
II can truthfully testify that never
until the last year OF his life did he
willingly lay down the billiard cue,
or show the least suggestion Of IA
tigue.- He played always at high pres
sure. Now and then, in periods of al
versity, he would fly into perfect
passion with things In general. But
In the end, 1t was sham battle. anf
we went on playing us II nothing hi
happened, only he was very gentle al:
sweet, like the sun on the meadows
after the storm had passed by"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
OHIO COUNTY MAN
WRITES FROM SOUTH
Greenville,. Ala.
January eth. 1922.
The Hartford Herald,
..--.. Hartford, Ky. - ------.--.--

Gentlemen:-I receive the Herald
promptly and enjoy the news from
Old Kentucky. This little city is
one of the typical southern towns.
1t has all the flavor of the Old
South and it's people are just as
hospitable as they were ever reputed
to be. Many of the dwellings are
exact types of the renowned south
ern mansions,-large square build
ings, two and three stories high,
with wide porches all around, large
columns from the ground to top and
inner balconies at each story. II has
up-to-date business houses, many
bungalows, manufacturing plants
and fine railroad service. The farm
ers seem to be prosperous. Cotton
is the principal crop, but not the
only one by any means. Corn does
well, as do oats and grass, peanuts
and pecans and all kinds of vegata-
bles, particularly the sweet potato.
Prices here are very much the same
as in Kentucky.
The holidays passed off quietly
here. There was not a drunken man
seen in town, the stores were aflame
with goods for Christmas and fine
trade was on all the season. The
people seemed to enjoy every hour.
There has been no cold weather
here, only little frost that did lit
tie damage to vegetation. Business
is rather quiet. Last years cotton
crop has not moved as promptly as
usual and this is holding trade back.
You can stand on the street here
and within an hour seel all kinds
OF conveyances from the old ground
sled to an aeroplane,-the old and
the new arm in arm.-an old two
wheeled cart and 7-passenger auto
coming down the street and a plane
sailing overhead. They have 'fine
opera house here. an up-to-date
picture show. fine churches and
beautiful homes.
l meet many World War veterans
here. They are an outstanding lot
of boys and are well worthy to up
hold the honor and reputation of
their fathers who won such honor on
the battle fields of the Civil War.
They are making as good citizens as
they did soldiers, ready to defend
the flag of their country as were
their forefathers. l take my hat on
to them; they are the salt of the
earth. God bless them.
LUXURIOUS T. REID.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
We are told that the next third !,

We are told that the next third
OF century was time of much
prosperity among the settlers. We
are also told that, having come
mostly from Virginia and bringing
their slaves. with them, they were
aristocratic and were ever and anon
engaged in horse-racing, chicken
fighting and tarrying at the wine.
The writer has been informed that
Mrs. Tinsley, who settled near Beda,
brought forty slaves with her.
Jacob Wodd manufactured hats.
Marriage Licenses
Hatfield Evans to Polly Letter
man.
Asa Allen to Abigail Campfield.
Above named couples were mar
ried by Ben Burden.
Richard Taylor to Sally Stevens ;
ceremony performed by John James.
William Cox to Matilda Barnard ;
ceremony performed by L. Davis.
"A. M. BARNETT.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
CLEAR RUN

Jan. 9.-We suppose the editor
has begun to think we have gone
dead, but as this is the beginning of
a New Year here we come with
more energy than in the past year.
Rev. Albert Maddox filed his
regular appointment at this place
Saturday and Sunday.
Moving seems to be taking Thea,
day. Mr.. Emmett Park has moved
onto his farm which he purchased
recently from Mr.. Herbert Park.
Mr.. L. H. Bartlett has sold his
house and lot in Taffy to Mr.. Linnie,.
Bartlett and moved into the store
house vacated by Mr.. Emmett Park,
at Clear Run where Mr.. Bartlett
will enter Into the merchandise
business.
Mr.. Harve Smith has moved onto
the farm Of his brother, Mr.. David
Smith, near Mt. Moriah.
Mrs. Bud Hoagland is confined to
her bed with complication of dis
eases.
Mr.. Elyis Funk, wife and moth
or, Mrs. Kate Funk, of Bowling
Green, who spent the holidays with
relatives and friends at this place,
have returned to their home. Mr..
Funk will resume his studies at the
Normal.
Mr.. Evan owen and wife, OF Ada
burg, were guests of Mr.. and Mrs.
Ira ID. Funk. Sunday.
Mr.. u. s. Carson. of Hartford.
dined with Mr.. and Mrs. Roscoe
Baird, last Friday.
Mr.. and Mrs. ]. T. Taylor, OF Ada
burg, were guests OF Mrs. Taylor's
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. James Kirk.
Sunday.
Mr.. Wavy Park and family. Of
Taylor Mines, were guests Of their
aunt. Mrs. Eliza Handy. and Mr..
and Mrs. c. T. Funk Saturday night
and Sunday.
Prayer meeting is progressing
nicely at this place every Thursday
night.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Ex-serviee Men as Teachers.

Intensive training for teaching Is
given ex-service men in England at
Hornsey Rise Training college, I'M
der the auspices of the ministry of
labor. The course Is rs weeks long
and not more than "A days absence
will be allowed to any student, so
that the length Of the course will APP
proximate that of the ordinary train
ing college.
There are $50 students registered in
this course, which began July /. All
of these have been approved by the
board of education and by the Nation
al Union Of Teachers. Some have al
ready had teaching experience.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
WATER SUPPLY
(By F. c. DUGAN)
State Sanitary Engineer

oe@eS o@Asss>@s @<AoeA~~&
Water is necessary to life. Water
free from disease producing agents
is necessary to health. The
characteristics Of good water are
that 1t must be clear. colorless and
cool. that 1t must be free from OBJ
jectionable odor or taste, that 1t
must not be hard-for this makes
washing difficult. and that it must
be free from disease-producing ag-
ents.
II is remarkable In this day and
age how many people on the farm
and in the city are using water
which is injurious to their health
and yet ara unwilling to take the
necessary steps to secure good
water.
The cost of water-borne diseases
In this State alone reaches into
millions Of dollars annually. to say
nothing about the depletion of the
resisting power of the sufferers to
other diseases.
In discussing the water supply on
farm It is we'll to divide the sub
ject into four sections. as farm
water ordinarily is obtained from
some one of four sources. They are;
First. cisterns; second, dug wells
third. deep wells. and fourth
springs. In subsequent articles Of
this serles each ore Of these four
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
!. l5()SIE,>
SrlII- Is
ae -
coNFlpENcE

after the lecture the speaker will
stay for a few minutes and answer
any question that may be asked Of
him." SD
II wish had the confidence of that
man."
"WhyT
T've got Ave small children and I'd
like to feel that could answer any
question they put to me-"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Life as I See II.

From our prehistoric ancestors down
man has always had a friendly feel
ing for trees, regarding them as al
most sentlent beings.
Great writer's have not disdained to
express this feeling.
Robert Louis Stevenson says: HE
inquired his way of every tree"
And again. after an unpleasant en-
counter with boor; "A tree would
not have spoken to me like that
Louisville Courler-J0urnal.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
The Majority Had Il.

The manager of the apartment house
received call one morning from an
irate top-foor tenant.
The roof leaks!" cried the top-foor
man.
'RoOf-leaks? Nonsense retorted
the manager Meme OF the people In
the other fats say so."--Harper's
Weekly.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

1st Gas Man: Just went Into q
house and the woman thought that J
was a robber and she threw up her
hands.
End Gao Man: Well ! guess II
Strengthened things out when you
told her you were the gas man.
1st Gas Man: Nawl She kept her
hands up and told me where ! could
find the meter.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
She 0uffawed Then.

SAM never see you with Miss
Giddlngs any more.
Lou-No; I couldn't stand her vul-
gar laughing.
Sam-Sol hadn't noticed It.
Lou-No, you weren't around when
| proposed TO her.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
The GarruIous Sex.

He-Women always have to monopo-
lie the conversation. A woman can't
sit still and listen for one full minute.
She-Oh. indeed Suppose the other
party to the conversation were making
a proposal of marriage?
He-Not even then. She'd say yes
before he'd spoken minute.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Has assn In TRAINING.

"That fellow Jones, is an incorris-
ible liar. but gotta say he Is smooth
at it-smooth and oily"
"Yeah; think he married one OF
these women who always require En-
nlapnfionS and alihls"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Oversight, Probably.

"wonderful realism In this movie"
"YesT
"There's the coliseum"
"Yes. and there's section Of Los
Angeles right behind It."
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Immune.

Larson-Thls sleeping sickness is a
terrible thing.
Peterson-It won't affect me. have
an alarm cl0ck.-Strix. Stockholm.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Preferred Creditors.

"Want to be musician, do your
Then I advise you to take up either
the bagplpes or the VIOLIN"
why SO. fatherf'
Because. when there's any paying
to be done, I notice it's the piper and
the fiddler who are the preferred
creditors.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

She Projecting him)-You love me
merely for my money.
He-You mean l wanted you merely
for your money.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Sjxjnu Him Up.

Freshman want to get a suit Of
clothes.
Tanor-What do you want, the Gus
tom or ready-made?
Freshman-Which is the customf
Tailor-The ready-made.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Hard Luck.

II say. Mark, have you heard about
that poor man who swallowed a
spoonr
mo. What about HIM"
"Why, he can't STIR"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
prevsntabIe Forest FIres.

More than 100000 forest fires have
occurred In the United States during
the past five years. OF these, so per
cent were due TO human agencies and
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Yesl Yesl

A man I know kicked up a row
That stirred the neighbours wrath.
He walked UP to lady cow
And shyly pinched its calf.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
A Busy Man.

Cassidy-An' h0w's things wild your
Casey-Busy. very busy, indade.
Cassidy-Is II so now?
Casey-Ay. Shure every time I'm
nc laysure I have somethin' to do
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

sources Of water supply will be dis
cussed in turn. Watch for next
weeks article.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25
Helpful Calls.

"Where. to, dearies?"
welfare working"
"Eh?"
"We're leaving cards on few poor
people In the Sums"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

FOR SALE Two good milch
cows with young calves. six-year-
old jersey and fve-year-old Hoi-
stein. w H. DEvER. Hartford. Eat
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1922-01-25

The hartford Herald. $3.50 no year y
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1922-03-23
Thousands Have Kidney
Trouble and Never
Suspect 1t
Applicants for Insurance Often
Rejected.

Judging from reports from druggists
who are constantly in direct touch with
the public, there is one preparation that
has been very successful in overcoming
these conditions. The mild and healing
influence of DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root is
soon realized. 1t stands the highest for
its remarkable record of success.
An examining physician for one of the
prominent Life Insurance Companies, in
an interview on the subject, made the as
tonishing statement that one reason why
80 many applicants for insurance are re-
jected is because kidney trouble is so
common to the American people, and the
large majority of those whose applica-
tions are declined do not even suspect
that they have the disease.
DR.. Kilmer's Swamp Root is on sale
at all drug stores in bottles of two sizes,
medium and large. However, if you wish
first to test this great preparation send
ten cents to DR.. Kilmer & Co., Bingham
ton, N. Y, for a sample bottle. When
writing be sure and mention this paper.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1922-03-23
GAVE HIS NAME TO CALENDAR
Pope Gregory XIII Left Lasting monu'
ment-Other Famous Heads OF
the Roman Church.

OF all the long list of popes, Greg
DRY XIII has probably left the most
lasting monument, for he framed the
calendar we use today, and 1t still
bears his name. Gregory completed
his calendar in 1882.
In more modern times pope of out
standing personality was Plus TX, who
in 1916 broke the age-old tradition that
the pope should never preach a SER
mon. 1t happened in this way. A
famous preacher Of the time, Padre
Ventura, whose eloquence attracted
great crowds, had arranged to preach
at church in Rome, but at the last
moment he was taken i'll and the dis
appointed people were about to dis
perse when suddenly the bells rang
and it was announced that the SOW
ereign pontiff had arrived in the
church. The pope entered the pulpit
and preached a sermon which the his
torian Of the time has described as a
simple, good, plain sermon, easily in
telligible to ALL" 1t was the first time
q pope had preached for 300 years.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1922-03-23
An Old-1imer.

"Senator," said the master of cere-
monies. "I'm sorry, but the sound am.
plitier is out of order, and I'm afraid
people in the rear of the hall won't be
able to hear you speak,"
"Don't worry, SIR" said Senator
Snortsworthy. "I'm not one Of your
modern weaklings. was brought up
in rugged school Of oratory where q
man developed his lung power before
he learned to think" -Birmingham
Age-Herald.