The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-01-04
The Diary of a Pale Blue Ass.
/ never saw q pale blue ass;
I've always wished to see ono.
Meanwhile l do my level best
Endeavoring 20 be ono.

Dec. 2s-Up at 6:4o, which is later than
intended but for some inexpiicable reason l am
reluctant to leave the bed these mornings.
What a wonder the Young Ruffian will be when
he grows up if he retains his present reluct-
ance to stay in bed of mornings. But he'll out
grow that They all do.
Usual day at the Office. Built my daily
Spire of Spendor hastily and managed to reach
the w about SIS only Is minutes late. The
star of the editorial and composing rooms was
in the ascendant tonight and We were victo-
rious in volleyball for the first unexpectedly
because Mr. Wood played with the editorial
gang. His service is a thing of wonder and
wickedness. In some previous existence-in
the time of the medieval barons doubtless
he must have been used a catapult
made record time through the shower and into
my clothes, that 1 might be ready before
Fisher. He was kind enough to take me home
i'll his car-after L had suggested that would be
handsome thing to do.
Dec 30-Up early and put in some hard
ticks at the office. At three o'clock, as 1 set
tied down to begin the coIyum for tomorrow
The Lady Who Hates to Darn my Socks phoned
to announce that she had discovered a pair of
shoes reasonably priced that would fit me and
l must catch the next car for Davenport. l
caught the next car. A good soldier obeyS
orLers, always. Following her tip on Leather
preferred she also had discovered a pair of
shoes for Daughter and the Young RuffiSn.
Why do they brag about Columbus? The dis
covery of America pales beside the Lady's dis
overspread my countenance when l paid for
that flock of footwear Home early and
the task OF colyuming occupied the bal
auce of the evening.
Dec. 31-Up early and Immediately made
one resolution, viz: resolved not to make any
New Years resolutions and later walked 10
work cheerfully confident that my resolution
would not be broken. In the afternoon came
another phone call from my better nine tenthS
las Fora Hunter delights to say demanding
he host yIIl nner in
town The bathroom lavatory faucet, it seemed.
refused to restrain annoying lachrymose
tendency. So l FASTENED to the hardware store
purchased tree washers at cents per washer
scene of trouble-home, sweet home. Arrived
there, the best amateur plumber in Rock Is
land dried the tears of the aforesaid lachry-
NOSE faucet with neatness and dispatch-and
an alligator wrench-siRging cheerily the
while, Weep No More, My Lady, Weep No
More Today.
Spent the evening reading the Saturday
Evening Post-the first time l have read that
excellent publication in months. Ny especial
interest centered in an article by Chester Lord,
The Young Man in Journalism, which Fore
man Bill had called my attention to, and which
he ntimated was full Of transformation ] did
not find it so, with the exception of the state
ment that Arthur Brisbane had attained "su-
preme success. Later | read with apprecia-
uon +. p. AS pungent query Doesn't Mr.
Lord mean SUGGEST"
A glance at the Literary Digest this after
noon revealed that it's editors shared my ad-
mlration tor Lee Wilson Dodds lines to the
generation.
To bed at 10 o'clock, careless of the ad-
vent of the New Year; nor did hear bell or
whistle at midnight. However, Daughter and
the Young Ruffian started the year right by
staging an alteration at a. which reused
both The Lazy and myself. What is home
without children, did someone ask? Well, for
one thing, it's better place to sleep.
Jan. Up at o'clock and after breakfast
- i1,t he foy =,
VIC started the Young Ruffian and the Daugh-
ter toward their respective Sunday schools .
The Y. r. prefers South Park where his pal
Billy attends. He came home full Of the i'm
portant that he had been permitted by
his teacher to pass the basket. To the
office at 1880 to write the colyum, which l
found slow and dispiriting task Home at
4 80 and had an excellent chicken dinner
topped off with apricot pie and whipped cream
All S O'Clock in the evening l dropped another
piece of apricot pie with whipped cream into
my long suffering stomach. To bed at H. feel
ing at peace with the world.
Jan. 2-Awoke at 4 o'clock wondering who
had delivered the solar plexus to me. mo-
mert later that funny feeling in the salivary
glands of my jaws warned me that disaster
was impending and the outraged stomach gave
me further warning that it had constituted it
self anatomical Vesuyius and an eruption
was imminent Back to bed at 5, shivering
and -shudderlng. -. L shall never eat apricot
pie with whipped cream again-rever You
cant keep a good man down, someone has
SAID. Well, ditto apricot pie with whipped
cream-So far as l concerned.
SEEING the crowds file out of the Fourth |
church in Chicago Monday after /
noon and finding upon inquiry that the McCor- !
mick-Baker wedding all off, the belated |
Wedding Guest who beat his breast turned to |
the Ancient Mariner and remarked: Thanks. |
DID top; but for you I'd have been stung with !
the rest of the bunch"
ULSTER Payes Way to Enter Irish state,
- Headline.
With the W. k. Irish confetti, of course
R. E. MIG.