Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-02-08

AOOAAAS dS eApTcSSAONloSS do COWS "HeA
all the time emotions are whirling
round inside their minds like snow
flakes in a blizzard. That was how
l felt when he--my Silver Badger
was brought up II be introduced.
~. AS I stare out into the
darkness I can e him again now;
broad chest. dear schoelboy face, little
scar that looks like g. cleft in his chin.
In the silence hat broods over this
sleeping house I can hear again the
one Of his very ordinary and correct,
voice, determined and a little appeal
ing too, in which he said to me: I've
seen you before. Haven't you. seen
me too: Don't you remember"
All, how could anybody help think
ing the world OF him for saying that
in that way, just then?
1t set everything right that had
worried me about that morning long
ago. (But I'd known it was all right!
I'd known that all this timely
Just after he said that this evening,
l could no more sing than fly. NJ
heart was humping like a sledge-
hammer right up in my throat.
Or Is that wrong anatomy?
1t really felt like that.
For just think Of the shock I'd had
And then think how I'd been sitting
there forcing myself to look usual
before "crowdao strangers for half
an hour. .All that time my. Silver
Badger, hadn't taken his eyes, off my
face. ~
or ought 1 not to have noticed
that? Would it be more "maidenly''
to pretend now to myself hat he was
not looking al me?
l can't help it.: he was. All, the
time, his blue eyes sort Of held On
! to me as hands might have been held.
Even .wheq I didn't see them, ] felt
them. I felt them when I sat down
at the piano with my back to him. i
wonder they didn't scorch two holes
In the. nape of my neck as I sat, sing
ing to him.
Thank goodness. 1 managed to sing
better. after all. thaniI've ever sung
in my life before. l wanted to, I
meant to. 1t was for him.
1t was the only way I could sort of
get near him.
You see I couldn't explain to him
In words how splendid l thought him.
His. Joining up at seventeen; his fight.
ing, his flying. his wound. what he'd
done later at the railway. . /.
u also how sweet and how right
he'd been about me. I could say that.
1 felt that il l could sing to him
even though I only sang the first lit
tie simple old love-song that came
into my head-it ought to tell him.
l believe he knows. l believe he
knows everything.
What everything?
Why. just the everything that
makes all the difference in this world.
the everything that had disturbed me
since l. first saw him among the omni-
buses and h colored advertisements
y The hurrying business people of
the n d street; the everything that
q made me miserable so often since
then because I didn't see him any
more. The everything that shows me
we were e t o belong together,
this one particular Silver Badger and
l. The hours have been Slip
ping past as l think End think and
think OF him. In the dark
ness of my room a line OF doye-grey
light is showing now under nay blind.
still all I see is tho bright crowded
room left behind hours ago, and
the tall boy that I have never forgot
ten AL these months that I've never
seen him. !,
Yes, OF course I've pretended tina,
I've never thought yof him.
I've pretended sc hard that I ever
pretended. persuaded myself that I'd
done it. People can do this; aren',
human beings wonderful! Talk about
schools and colleges-what are they?
Places to pack young people of to get
then out of the way while they're
growing oht Of their clothes. One
learns nothing at school. One only
learns when ore comes away ana goes
out into the world and meets a human
| hAfn0 ~hnNN ANA ~A~ JAv~A rkp~eAAa
human being who teaches one every.
thing. And the chief things one learns
are not things about that adored other
human being. They're about oneself.
Its been like that with me.
There's the staircase clock striking
half-past something. Three, I ppoa
With every minute now I feel s,rer
a. surer about something.
Inc strongest, etrangest influences
IN ones life are not always those Of
the people around IN that one q
every day. They can be those Of per-
sonahties p&ssed and recognized for q
moment Without my having set eyes
on him all these ~weeksstLat silver
badser has mastered my, days. ahcr-
ing them in ways that one would
never have guessed. It was beca,ae
I'd seen the ono and only person VINO
could be to me all people mean when
they talk about "onp's Mato"-it va
because OF this that I've not been aba
to put up with anything less. Il vas
the ide OF him (all hidden away Of
courSe) which lnado me zee that
things like Kindness itself and That
Bag can no more maks s girl hsn,v
than q husband who's neycr there
y WA secret memory of how
YOUNG that liver Badger lesksd atrid.
Ing over thd bavement with tbs ynnrn.