Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-05-03
A Pious Bird

/ coeTRfGk<T 1921 BY ECC7AH ALLAN Moss y
A Pious Bird
She had inspected every parrot in
the store, and the dealer was getting
tired. She declared one bird was too
green to go with the dining room and
another too red for the drawing room.
and so on.
At last she almost settled on a pur-
chase. Then suddenly she asked:
"But is he a good bird? ! mean, I
hope he doesn't use dreadful Ian
guage."
"E's a saint, lady" breathed the
dealer fervently. "Sings 'yms beau
tiful. | 'ad some parrots wot used to
swear crool, but if you'll believe me,
this bird converted the lot of 'em.
X X X
The Judge Got Her Through
An old lady walked into the Judges
Office
Are you the Judge of Repro
bates?" she inquired.
Il am the Judge of Probate" replied
his honor, with smile.
Well, that's it l expect" answered
the old lady. "You see," she went on
confdentally, ''my husband died de-
tested and left several little infidels
and want to be their executioner."
He Was Talking to It
While polling one of the wards late
ly the canvasser, after inquiring for
the man of the house and learning
that he was not at home, asked the
following question of the woman who
had answered his knock:
What party does your husband be-
long tot" This was the reply: "I'n
the party my husband belongs to.
What about ="
X X X n
Revenge
Last Winter
Said the plumber to the coal man:
"Say, l want ton of COAL"
Said the coal man to the plumber:
'Do you really? Why, how drolli"
Said the plumber to the coal man:
"Well, perhaps an eighth will do"
Said the coal man to the plumber:
I There are scores ahead of you'll"
II-This winter
Said the coal man to the plumber:
"Are you busy, then, today ?"
Said the plumber to the coal man:
sam / busy? / should sayl"
Said the coal man to the plumber:
"All my water pipes is froze.
Will you kindly come and clear themf
And the plumber thumbed his nose.
Dubious Compliment
Germany is now in a position where
she is grateful for Kind word, no
matter how gruffiy spoken.
In fact, Germany's feelings today
are very like those of the lady who
sang "Juanita" at a concert. She
sang so badly she was interrupted
with a volley of catcalls, but in the
tumult man yelled fiercely:
"Order, orderl Give the old geezer
a chance"
"Oh," she said, "I'm so glad to see
there's at least one gentleman in the
house."
Hits From Sharp Wits
No, sonny; conscience is not repent
ance; it is dread of discovery.
Count the day completely lost IL
you have not laughed.
If an apple dumping doesn't want
to be eaten, why does it smear itself
all over with that DELICIOUS wine sauce
and sit there smiling up at you with
a look of paradise upon its cherubic
face? 4
Fine feathers may seem to make
fine birds until the birds souawk. -
mo Mans Land'-The shopping
district on bargain Monday.
X X X X
At College
Professor, asked the young lady Wis
itor, what is the strange odor in this
room? Is this the chemical labora-
tory?
No, my dear young lady. This is
the Latin class room.
OF course! How stupid of mel
always knew that Latin was a dead
language!
Qualifying
Kindly Stranger(to lad driving Off:
Going to be great golf player some
Youngster: Nawl Gonna be Presi-
dent.
How to Drive an Auto
Drive as if every other driver was q
born idiot
Drive as if all children and most
pedestrians were bent on suicide be-
meath your wheels.
Drive as if every hill had a chasm
at the bottom.
Drive as if every curve was high.
wayman, a Bengal tigar and a stone
wall.
Examine your car before you start,
not after you stop-and you wont have
accidents.
n n
Out IN Omaha an electric meter read
er turned out to be burglar. Some
tunes u does seem rather hard to
make the distinction.
=
Too Late
"A physician was examining q class
OF nurses. He described the Condition
OF a patient and asked one nurse how
much morphine, in her opinion, should
De administered to the sufferer.
Eight grains" promptly replied the
nurse. The doctor made no comment.
and the girl passed on. When her
turn came again she appeared greatly
confused, and said to the examiner:
Doctor, wish to correct the an
swer l made last time. meant 20
say that one-eighth Of a grain should
be given to the patient"
Too late" remarked the physician. :.
1nfIf lorLsr-r, n Y