Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-07-19

I
and a motor cop tried to pinch me for
speeding, and the ear bit him and then
climbed a tree and swung from the
branches by it's tail light.
Medico de Hero.
X X X
The Way He Said 1t
Clerk in shoe store is waiting on
well dressed lady
Caption: "One of your feet is larg-
err than the other, madam"
Lady leaves store in great indigna-
ton.
Clerk in another shoe store is wait
ing on lady in scene /.
Caption: Zone of your feet S
smaller than the other, madam"
Lady buys pair of shoes and leaves
store highly pleased,
The girl: why are ships always
referred to as she? Is it because
they glide along so gracefully"
The Brute: ooh. no--its because
their riggingcosts so much and there's
so little of it,"
"The evidence" said the Judge,
SHOWS that you threw stone at this
man." "Sure", replied Mrs. O'Hooli-
han, ''and the looks av the man shows
more thon thot, yer honor; it shows
thot Oh hit him."
YET HE WISHED HIM WELL
Between emotionalism and formal
ism in religion" says a Washington
clergyman, there is a golden mean
a reflection that came to me recently
upon the conclusion of my remarks to
colored congregation in Richmond.
| had invited an aged deacon to offer
prayer.
40 Lord, he prayed, glib dis pore
brudder de eye of de eagle, dat he may
spy out sin afar off. Glue his hands
to de gospel ploy Tie his tongue to
de line of truf. Nail his yere to de
gospel pole. Bow his head way down
between his knees, o Lord, an fix his
knees way down in some lonesome,
dark and narrow valley, where prayer
is much wanted to be made. 'Noint
him wifi de kerosene-ile of salvashun,
an set him on fire."
y y y n
The Cow and the Cars
A story is told of speech recently
made by an Irish barrister in a court
of law. He was for the plaintiff
whose COW had been knocked down
and killed by the train, and this was
the contention:
eff the train had been run as it
should have been ran, or if the bell
had been rung as it should have been
rang, or if the whistle had been blown
as it should have been blew, both of
which they did neither, the cow would
not have been injured when she was
killed"
1t was at one of Uncle Sans big
military posts. They were trying a
new steel bullet. Near the officer of
the day stood Nose Jackson, his fam
lily servant, and general rousteabout
of the camp. Captain" ventured the
negro, 81 heahed de Colonel say dem
new bullets shoot five milesi" Eyes,
Nose, they certainly viii" answered
the officer. "Foh Gawd sakes, Cap
l spec all We need am de genPman's
address,"
"They sat on the steps at midnight
two fools that were better IN bed
murmuring honeyed nothiRgs while
the silver moon hung her head. Two
fools with joyous citation swooped the
microbes on their lips and thrilled
with a queer sensation from toes To
their finger tips. Telling the same
stuff over and over that was nothing
when it was new; giggling, gushing
and burning, but frozen through and
through. This fond affection n
young folks have to bear; they think
it is love undying and angels IN envy
stare. The bachelor thinks 1t is moth,
ing, the old maid says it is vice, anc
mamma says it is naughty, but the
/ youngsters know it is nice.
q = % "
| A Michigan girl is confined to hel
bed with 3 cold contracted by sitting
too near q knot-hole in her fathers
wooden leg.