davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
y Mutter and humble

MUTTER-Men of o ability
MUMBLE-But she likes to be presented at court.
MJTTER-Thsre are collection agencies here in town
who'd be glad to help her out
MUMBLE-You don't understand me- She wants husband
who doesn't work.
MUTTER-I where she find lots Of them.
MUMBLE-Right in Italy and she that
night some guy under her window with the guitar
better write and tell her shut the window
MUMBLE-Why?
MUTTER-Because she's liable to catch it,
MUMBLE-It takes a long time to master the guitar.
MUTTER-Yes; but do it if take enough qunne
and aspirin.
MUMBLE-And then when he finishes playing my daughter
throws a lire out the window.
MUTTER-Thats what they ought with the in this
country.
MUMBLE-Was your daughter Venice?
MUTTER-Yes; months
MUMBLE-Did she ride in a gondola?
MUTTER-Of Ny daughter has been in .
patrol wagon in her life.
MUMBLE-You don't understand A gondola q vehicle
where has to stand behind and push it.
MUTTER-Oh, you mean Ford.
MUMBLE-No, A gondola water
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
Money
Clear

A PETTY crook with q won
~ derful nerve has recently
"A made his bow in Washing
ton. He works the lunch rooms In
the vicinity of the Government
departments, and while his scheme
nets him only some loose change
in each instance, he displays a
gall that makes one gasp.
This crook made his appearance
in a lunchroom near the State De-
partment one day last week. 1t
was the noon hour. The place
was crowded and the employees
rushed to the limit. He ordered
two egg sandwiches and q glass
of milk. Then, at q moment when
the crowd about the cashiers desk
was the greatest. he rushed for
ward and forced himself in the
center of the bunch.
Would you please give me my
change" he demanded Of tho
cashier. I've been waiting five
minutes"
II beg your pardon; what did
you give me?" asked the cashier.
II gave you dollar, and my
check was rs cents" said the
crook.
The cashier handed over three
quarters and then gazed after the
departing crook in a dazed man.
ner.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
HILOS HY. .

Laugh and groa0 fat,
Grin and 0rot0 thick;
II you know any good Jokes,
Send them to Blu quick.
FLORENCE HOAGLAND.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
Flapper Fairy Tales.

Georgette--Father said that we
would have to take a chaperone
II We went out tonight.
Ludwig-well then. let's take
your grandmother along and wen
all go out and have n good time
together.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
Between the Lines

YOU MAY recall.
THAT I once wrote.
OF A cook we had.
A KOREAN boy.
WHO ANSWERED an ad.
AND CAME to me.
AND TALKED to me.
AND I didn't know.
WHAT 1T was he said.
AND HE didn't know.
WHAT I said to him.
AND BOTH of us.
KEPT SAYING yes"
TO EVERYTHING.
THAT THE other said.
AND I understood.
WHEN HE went away.
THAT HE'D be back.
IN AN hour or two.
AND so he was.
AND HIS name was Karl.
AND FOR eight full months.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

HE COOKED for us.
HE TOLD me tales.
OF WHATEVER it was.
HE TALKED about.
AND I'D pretend.
THAT I understood.
AND ANSWER yes"
AND ONCE in awhile.
I'D ExpoUND to him.
ON WHATEVER it was.
I WAS talking about.
AND HE'D hiss yes"
AND SHOW his teeth.
AND ALL the time.
THE BOTH Of us knew.
OR AT least I did.
AND I think he did.
THAT THE other one.
HADN'T ANY idea.
WHAT WE talked about.
AND ANYWAY.
THERE CAME a day.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

doormat.
Yes. this is pops picture. taken
when he was hunting quail on
toast up in Canada. He didn't
catch any, because the toast was
very scarce that year. They did
shoot a wild COW with a bell
around its neck. Its owner was
wild. too. and he filled pop 30 full
of birdshot that pop was eligible
to Join the Audubon Society.
A moose chased Uncle Abime-
lech and prodded him with its
antlers something terrible. They
took uncle to the hospital and the
doctors couldn't pull the antlers
cut. So they sawed them off and
poor Uncle Abimelech has got to
be a hatrack for the rest Of his
life.
Uncle felt kind of bad when he
would be standing in q hotel lob
by and strangers came up and
hung their coats on him. But
then he started getting dime tips
and he thought that even in time
Of fire, famine and flood there is
insurance.
So he felt better and met q
friend Of his and they skipped
the Eighteenth Amendment a cou-
pie of times and uncle came home
and challenged pop to anything.
Pop wanted to know what, and
uncle said, Anything at all.
There amt ono thing that you
can do that I can't do better
than YOU"
He kept UP his anonymous
boastfng and pop said to nom,
"Your escaped brother is loose
again. That's him. He takes one
drink of that radio liquor and he
starts broadcasting."
Uncle said, "I'll broadcast you
for a row Of weather-beaten canal
boats. I'm mad and hungry. I'm
as hot and hollow as a stovepipe."
Nom said to pop, Don't turn
Abimelech away hungry. What
does the Good Book say about"
Pop said, "Oh! That's been ve-
toed by the President"
That got uncle so mad that he
couldn't see help wanted ads. He
took a punch at pop and pop re-
turned ii with compound interest
Cor seventy years. Then MON
horned in with a ladylike broom
handle, and soon that kitchen was
national headquarters for all the
meanness and spite in America.
So pop and uncle shook all their
fingers that wasn't busted and
made UP. Pop asked uncle to go
shooting with him in Central
Park, and uncle said they couldn't
unless you were like people in
New Brunswick who considered
a marriage license a permit to go
shooting.
So pop laughed a whole octave
above sarcastic and went out the
door, leaving uncle alone with a
regiments share of dumbness.
Then uncle went out, too. and
met another friend, and they must
have pressed one of those mys-
terious bottom bells in a dark
hallway, because uncle was laugh.
ing and shouting when he came
home and he and another old
stove-hugger were comparing
their boards and arguing about
their texture.
Uncle was hollering 30 loud that
pop poked his head out of the
window and hollered, There's
that radio liquor again"
Nom said, whats THAR"
Pop said, ''That lost, strayed or
stolen brother Of yours II broad
casting again"
Nom said. "Well, you seem to
be tuned In pretty good"
Pop watched uncle staggering
and said, mo. his wave length
are too long for me-"
Nom said, "Stop that debate
before I take the negative"
Uncle was shouting something
at the top of his hat about Pat.
rick Henry wanting poisonal lib.
srty or home brew. And what
ever Il was, II couldn't have been
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

SKIRT THERMOMETERS.
Arizona Ikc-Her skirts are q
trifle short for this winter weather,
aren't theyf
Oklahoma Pete-Oh! I don't
know; they are Just two below the
knea. L GERTRUDE.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

The most historical allitera-
tue bone sous Burchard's Rum,
Romdnism and Rebellion" A
NeU York reformer noiO quotes
Rides, Reels and Rum" as the
Oorst perils to girls.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

THREE THOUSAND miles.
AND THEN I remembered.
THAT HE could read.
IN THE Eng IL tongue.
AND l wrote to him.
IN HIS hotel room.
THAT HE'D have to 60 out.
AND GET a Job.
AND HE sat down.
AND ANSWERED it,
IN VERY good English.
AND SAID he would.
AND WE both shook hands.
AND HE went away.
AND GOT a Job.
AND EVERY Sunday.
ON HIS day off.
HE CALLS on me.
AND WE yes" each other.
FOR A little while.
AND HE goes away.
1 THANK you.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

WHEN THE home that was.
WAS A home no more.
AND THERE were trunks.
THAT I must pack.
AND A railway journey.
THREE THOUSAND miles,
THAT I must take.
AND ALL the time.
KARL WAS right there.
AND SILENTLY,
DID WHAT he could.
UNTIL ONE day.
WHEN THE time was near,
THAT 1 must go.
HE SAT him down.
AND MOURNFULLY.
AND IN saddened voice.
HE TALKED to me.
AND WHATEVER he said.
I DIDN'T know.
BUT I said yes"
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
More Heard and Seen
THE GIANT IRON KEYS
OF THE OLDEN DAYS.

H. B. ROSSELL was quite
interested. he writes, in a news
item printed in The Times from
Greenville, N. c.. regarding the
finding Of a solid iron key, weigh.
Ing two and quarter pounds. by
a colored man digging in the earth.
Just such key" says Rossell,
was In constant use at my former
home. Asheville, N. c.. until the
latter part of the year 1886. 1t was
the key to the vault Of the old
Cape Fear bank building. The
vault was an iron cage, lined and
covered with brick. with a solid
iron door. The lock was very
ponderous, the key about q foot
long, and weighing over two
pounds. The building was de-
molished about 1885,"
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
That's Different

Haie-why do you look 30 peeved
this morning?
Hardy--I loaned Bill SO last
night.
Hale-Why bc sore about 1t; he'll
pay It back.
Hardy--That's all right. What
gets me is that he spent it on my
best girl.
~>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bors anxious to stick their spoon
into our family silverware.
And you better go away quick
because pop always gets mad
when he sees you here around
supper time, and his temper leaks
like springs out Of a busted sofa.
Well. goodbye, walk past our
house some time. And II you
ever write again. try to make lib.
eral use Of the alphabet indorsed
by the Board of Education.
Copyright. is:a. By star Company
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

"Yes, JOB ioas a patient man."
declared Uncle EBEN, "but I
don't believe he euer sat do,on
on hunk of chewing gum left
IN the chair of a movie picture
shoU."
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
By TX. c.. B."

1 REALIZED.
THAT KARL expected.
TO GO with me.
AND l went to him.
AND SAID to him.
HE'D misunderstood.
AND HE couldn't 60.
AND HE smiled some more
AND KEPT kissing yes"
AND GETTING ready.
FOR THE railroad trip.
AND WAS SO glad.
InAI T1C Utmost CTle0.
AND / hurried down.
TO THE ticket place.
AND BOUGHT him a ticket.
AND A lower berth.
AND SAID no more.
THAT HE couldn't go.
AND THE next night came.
AND WE took our train.
AND "YEssED" each oth.r.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

AS l always did.
AND HE showed his teeth.
IN A great broad smile.
AND KISSED out yes"
AND HURRIED away.
AND INTO his room.
AND AN hour later.
THROUGH HIS open door.
SAW his trunk.
SPREAD ON the floor.
AND CAREFULLY.
HE WAS packing it.
AND HE jabbered some more.
AS l looked in.
But l paid no heed.
AND JUST said yes"
AND WENT my way.
AND HOWEVER it was.
THAT 1T came to me.
I'LL NEVER know.
BUT ALL at ones.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

That started another quaint
tribal quarrel. with all the neigh.
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
The Family
Album
BY Bugs" Baer.

~ ELLO, you're as welcome
as ants in a pudding. Pop
IA didn't think you would
come over to our house today
after he pasted that quarantine
sign over the Welcome on the
doormat.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
WISCONSIN NEWS
STATED IN BRIEF
Geographic Chronicles of State
Happenings.
IL DRUGGISTS FOUND GUILTY
IL DRUGGISTS FOUND GUILTY
TWO Physicians Also May Lose Per-
nits to Fill and Issue Prescrip-
tions-Taken in Vari-
GUS Towns.

Milwaukee, Aug. 23.-Recommenda-
ton that permits to fill and issue
medicinal liquor prescriptions of ten
Wisconsin druggists and two physi-
clans be permanently revoked will be
made within a few days by Lewis j.
Brabant, legal advisor for the federal
prohibition enforcement department,
it was announced Those to be de-
prived of their permits were found
guilty Of violation of the Volstead act
at hearings held on Mr.. Brabant's tour
of the state. The druggists. Mr.. Bra
bant found, were unable to account,
in most cases, for shortages in their
liquor stocks. Others were charged
with adulteration of liquor, sale Of
colored alcohol as bonded whisky, or
sales without prescriptions. One of
the physicians, resident of small
town near Madison, sold scripts on
mail orders, it was found. The other,
also living near Madison, purchased
the prescription book of another physi-
clan when his own supply Of blanks
became exhausted. Similar hearings
are to be held next week on charges
against ten Milwaukee druggists and
five physicians.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Causes of Winds.

Winds are produced by disturb
ance of the equilibrium in some part
of the atmosphere; a disturbance al
ways resulting from difference in
temperature between adjacent sec
lions. Thus, if the temperature of a
certain extent of ground becomes high
er, the air in contact with it becomes
heated, the air expands and goes to-
ward the colder or higher regions of
the atmosphere; whence it flows, pro-
ducing winds which blow from hot to
cold countries. But at the same time
the equilibrium is destroyed at the
surface of the earth, for the pressure
on the colder adjacent parts is greater
than on that which has been heated,
and hence a current will be produced
with velocity dependent on the differ
ence between these pressures thus
two distinct winds will be produced
an upper one setting outward from the
heated region, and a lower one setting
inward toward it.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
PROTECTED BY WHITE BONE
How People of Eastern Algeria Guard
Themselves Against the Glance
of the EVIL Eye.

People who live in eastern Algeria
always have few beehives near their
homes. Sometimes the Berber will
place the beehives on the roof of his
house.
The Berbers know bees so well and
like honey SO much that from earliest
infancy they look upon the bee as a
friend who must be guarded and need
not be feared. The Berber housewife
takes great care of her bees. She
makes sure that sand storm sudden
ly sweeping across the great desert
will not utterly ruin the beehive. She
protects the hives, their store of hon
ey and the workers who make the
honey by covering the hives with mats.
Underneath the beehives, in plain
sight of every one who passes, a white
bone swings In the breeze. The Ber-
Der is superstitious, and his chief fear
is danger from the evil eye.
Fear of the evil eye has come down
through the ages. 1t is common in
many other countries, particularly the
south Of Europe. In all these lands,
various talismans are supposed to
ward off the dangers Of the evil eye.
The chief reliance Of the Berbers is
placed in a white bone. Any bone
will serve so long as 1t is white, and
so placed that 1t catches the eye Of
the passer-by.
The bone is believed to catch the
glance of the person who may have
an evil eye. Being attracted by the
cleaning white bone, the glance Of the
evil eye is believed to be held by 1t
and kept from baneful1y falling upon
the object it is placed to protect.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Give skin for Woman.

Beloit, Aug. 23.-Eight Beloit col
lege men, members of Phi Kappa Psi
fraternity, gritted their teeth on an
operating table at the Central hospi-
tai and watched surgeons strip gen.
erous portions of skin from their legs
in order that Mrs. lone Truesdale,
matron at the Phi Psi for many years.
may recover the use of her arm that
was terribly mangled in an automobile
accident at Delavan last week. More
than twenty square inches of \ skin
taken from the young men was grated
on the wOman's arm.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Aurora AustraIis.

During one of the British expedi-
tons TO the antarctic regions, more
than sixty observations were made
of the aurora australis, the southern
counterpart Of our Northern lights.
The appearance Of the light resem-
bled that presented in the arctic re-
gions. But the maximum frequency
did not occur during the months of the
long polar night, and the phenome-
non was most intense at the time of
the equinoxes, when the. sun is per-
pendicular over the equator. and day.
light is simultaneous at both the north
and the south pole.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
The victorss Privilege.

The man and the. boy met at the en-
trance to the little park, and walked
down the path together. The man
noted the disheveled appearance Of the
lad and questioned him.
whats the trouble, sonny? You
look like you'd beensin a wreck?"
Nope. Been in a fight,' the boy
Informed him carelessly.
Been in a fight, eh?' the man re-
peated. "And who whipped?''
Il did, Of course the boy answered,
contentedly. eff / hadn't whipped do
you think I'd be tellin' you about it?'
kansas City Star.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Face CHARGES in sIaxlna.

Rhinelander, Aug. 23.-At the cor
oner's inquest held over julius Brett
kreitz, Hiles farmer, who was killed
by Forest county officers several
weeks ago when he attempted to
resist arrest, the jury returned YER
dict that officers Edward Wright and
Martin McGlynn shot Breitkeitz in
self-defense. Wright and McGlynn
were placed under arrest by District
Attorney g. FL. Dawson, however, on
a charge of manslaughter.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Favorite Stones Of the Past.

Rings of the Middle ages had tur-
quoise and emeralds as favorite stones
and in that age of chivalry it was but
natural that the coat of arms on rings
should become the fashion. In the
Renaissance, diamonds were used for
the first time. The cuttings were
very rough, the tools of jewelers. be-
ing crude, and for softer stones, more
easily cut or carved Then appeared
the emerald ornamentation, and some
OF the rings of those days contained
miniature perfume boxes.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Actually "siaht Unseen >

In Morocco youths and maidens fare
badly indeed. for they are not even
allowed to see each other before the
wedding. Now and again venturous
youth viii hide himself in the room
when the young woman is coming to
pay the customary state call upon his
mother. but even this needs to be done
with a considerable amount of eau
ton.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
No chance for Beer at Racine.

Racine, Aug. 23.-Racine folks who
have been seeing snails, toads,- bugs
and other varrnints in the city water
since newspapers printed stories of
the second Johnstown food' are out
of luck, Mayor Lunt said, after chem
lists announced that the water is pure.
The mayors phone has been busy
several days by those who want him
to restore" beer, as happened in John
StOwn.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Cook Poisoned. Near Death.

Plymouth, Aug. 23.-Ed Steffen,
thirty-f1ve years old, Milwaukee
hotel cook, who has been chef at the
Hotel Lack for the last three months,
is dying at the Plymouth hospital hav-
ing taken poison. Steffen in a state
ment said he was wounded by shrapnel
in France and the wound never
healed. He used the poison to
dress it.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Herd leads Wilton Tests.

Tomah, Aug. 23.-John Throws
head of grade Guernseys was first in
the Wilton Testing association last
month, with an average per COW of
846 pounds Of milk and 40.6 pounds
of butter fat, A grade Guernsey owned
by Thomas WEIGH had the best in.
dividual record with 1,169 pounds of
milk and 1873 pounds of butter fat.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
city's Average Need of Water.

American hydraulic engineers in
planning for a water supply Under the
present conditions, calculate upon the
basis of a daily consumption of 100
gallons per capita, With provisions to
meet an increased demand in the near
future For ordinary domestic pur-
poses the requirements average TWEEN
ty gallons per capita.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Named Waupaca school Head.

Waupaca, Aug. 23.-Mrs. Earl Cur
lev, wife of a Parfreyville farmer, has
been appointed by State Superinten.
dent Callahan as superintendent Of
the WaupacP county schools. She
succeeds r. G. Bigford, who resigned
to become principal of the ST. Croix
teachers training school.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
rraIn Strikes Wagon; Farmer killed

Glenwood City, Aug. Fisherman
Sanders, forty-five years old, a farmer,
was Instantly killed when his wagon
was demolished at the Oak street
crossing here by 500 line passenger
train. His body was frightfully
mangIed, as were those of his two
horses.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Blows lHeed TO BITS.

Marinette, Aug. 23.-Joseph Bob
man, forty-three years old, was found
dead in his home here, with his head
shattered by a rifle bullet. Despon.
dency is believed to have been the
cause.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
mission Conference opens.

Sheboygan, Aug. %. - Missionary
workers from Reformed churches
throughout the United States are here
for the seventh annual mission house
conference at Franklin.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
other Side of the Question.

"a dog" said Uncle Eben, lis Dsans
faithful friend; which is Whit he
ought to be, considerin' how he eats
wifoui workin' 2
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1922-08-25
Fish WeatherwTse.

1t is said that most fish, but trout
in particular, know what the weather
is going to be for about "a hours In
advance.
The Cordova daily times., 1922-06-16
CONVENTION HALL IS
 PLANNED AT CAPITAL

WASHINGTON, June 16. - Plans are being completed for the erection here of an immense auditorium to permit Washington, the logical selec- tion for meetings of national and in ternational importance, to assume the position of the greatest convention city in the United States.
 The design for the steel framework of the building will soon be com pleted, and actual work on the erec- tion of the structural steel will begin before Fall, according to the Washing ton Auditorium committee.
 The mammoth convention hall will be located near the heart of the city and the downtown hotels. The most prominent feature of the main floor will be the auditorium, which will have a seating capacity of 5000. By opening adjoining rooms the seating capacity can be increased 1000.
 All the floors, walls, partitions, roof and fittings are to be firepro0f, and the exterior will be a composition sim liar to granite.
The Cordova daily times., 1922-06-16
U. 5. HOLDS BACK ON WORK OF
 RESTORING STANDARD OF GOLD

WASHINGTON, June 16. - While cial unrest and disorder, America waits until some safe moment to jump to the fore with a program that will mean complete restoration of the gold standard over the world.
 Americas best card may be played at the forcoming conclave of finan- cial giants, who are to gather in Flu rope as representatives of the worlds chief banks of issue. The Federal Re- serve system will be represented It will have one of it's strongest expon- ents in the person of Benjamin Strong, governor of the Federal Reserve Bank at New York.
 While certain political questions in Europe, chiefly the Russian puzzle still force economic problems to hang in the balance, government financial authorities believe America should step into the situation abroad, with out further delay, and lead the way out of financial chaos-but not through any compromise that would involve straight-out American loans to impov- erished or improvident countries that refuse to help themselves.
 It is the firm opinion of the fiscal experts of this government that in ternational trade upon a safe basis cannot be restored until the leading nations get together and put through an agreed world plan that will mean the convertibility of currency into gold or the equivalent of gold.
 This government expects on this basis to bring about revaluation of currency in foreign countries, with the cooperation of Great Britain, Japan,