davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1922-03-01
NEW FASHIONS FOR THE
CHURCH
Just hush your fuss!

Just nuSh your fuSS!
Don't tell me any more that
the church isn't making pro-
gress. Of course it may be
progressing toward the devil,
but most of the modern preach
ers seem to think it don't make
any difference which way the
church is headed just so it is on
the move.
see that the pastor of the
London Tabernacle, DR.. Newton,
has been urging that men and
women should have the privi-
lege of smoking cigars, cigaret-
tes and pipes in church while
listening to the sermon.
How here's the way I look
at that If they were hear
ing a sermon that was worth
listening to they wouldn't need
to pass the time by smoking.
But the average sermon of to-
day is such a silly and tiresome
thing that it isn't any wonder
the hearers need the soothing
comfort of Lady Nicotine to help
them endure it.
And so if DR.. Newton wants
his congregation to act like a
barn-lot full Of calves just
before weaving time, reckon
there's no use for me to object.
But, oh, suffering toad-frogs I
Just imagine a big congrega-
tion of fine ladies in church with
about enough clothes on to
make a pair Of leggings for a
bird, and just watch them
lean back cross-legged, throw
their heads back, and squirt
smoke out of one corner of their
drugstore complexions like they
were trying to start a little
hell of their own.
. And then imagine the preach
er standing there in front of
that mess and straining his eyes
to catch glinpses of his con-
gregation, and his voice trying
to bore holes through the smoky
air like a steamboat ploughing
through a fog.
After going through such an
experience, if there was any
real Christianity in the house it
would have to be washed with
homemade soap, fumigated
with sulphur and sprinkled with
carbolic acid.
And then I see it stated that
some western slang-whanger Of
a preacher doins has turned the
INSIDE walls of his church into
a billboard to be used for ad-
vertising purposes. And he has
offered the rich business men Of
his congregation a certain :
mount of advertising space on
the wall in exchange for a GER
tain amount of money. They
can advertise anything from
automatic praying machines on
down to cigarettes, 1noonshine
likker and gambling dens. It
don't make any difference what
they advertise just so they pay
for the space and keep the
church treasury full.
The fool-killer., 1922-03-01
BILL JIM HEARD FROM.

1bOOot AOAO 1OOhO44 IL w Wct%o"
there was a college-foundered
-cuss by the name of William
James. But [ called him Bill
Jim for short.
Well, I remember that this
feller Bill Jim got awfully car
ried away with "Spiritism," and
he said that if he ever lived to
die he was going to come back
and tell his friends on this side
of the dark river all about how
it was over there-what they
had to eat on Sunday, and what
kind of clothes the ladies wore
when they went to a dance.
Bill jim was fully convinced
shat it could be done, and he was
the very doggon rascal who was
going to do it.
Well, just a little while af-
ter that, Bill Jim ate too big a
mess Of spiritual cabbage and
died with the headache in his
belly.
On that occasion wrote and
printed in this paper a piece of
a8-karat humor headed. "Look
Out For Bill jim" I expected
mis- ghost to come in on the next
train and hire a pill-box to lee
ture in, while his spiritual jim
swinger coat-tail tapped in the
pale sickly moonlight of Ameri-
can ignorance.
But I waited and waited.
And still I waited.
But no Bill Jim.
Not even wireless postal
card to tell which way he went.
That was years ago.
Time passed on, and I had al
most forgotten about Bill Jim.
But just this week I see in
the papers that he has been
heard from. I find this chunk
of clabbered information in the
book review department of a
daily dope dispenser sometimes
mistakenly referred to as a
newspaper: II
"For immediate publication the
the buttons announce a book that is
sure to attract much attention and
cause lively discussion-nothing less
than a series of messages purporting
TO come by means Of automatic writ
ing from the late William James,
and said to be remarkable religious
document. There is an introduction
by Edward S. Martin, author of sew
eral volumes Of essays and poems,
who considers favorably the authenti-
city of the book, and quotes from an
article by the famous pycolgist
shortly before his death 10 show
what James himself came to think
about automatic writing. The work
will be called. "The One way" Jane
Revere Burke is the medium through
which the writing was done, and she
supplies preface which describes the
circumstances under which the book
came into being. It was privately
printed for her friends, but aroused
such interest as demanded wider
publication"
The poor idiots!
Any fool publisher who will
waste his time over such a pack
of nonsense ought to be took out
and lynched with spider web
and buried in a rabbit track.
The fool-killer., 1922-03-01
HERE'S THAT "ANSWER."

d11SWGl 1lOIlL CIIO UAOOuy DlO1G
Institute. I knew perfectly we'll
that they wouldn't even attempt
to answer the questions, and I
didn't much think they would
make any reply at all. But they
did. And here it is:
Chicago, Illinois,
Feb. 17th, 1922.
Mr.. James L. Pearson,
Boomer, N. C.
Dear Sir:
j have your letter of Feb. 10th
containing a large number Of ques-
tions.
Permit me to say that many of these
questions cannot be answered by any
human being. Only a few Of them
bother people. The writer has been
minister Of the gospel for many years,
and a majority of the questions you
ask he has never heard; they
are evidently peculiar to yourself.
Almost all the questions are incon-
sequential, that is, they are not ques-
tions that are fundamental to saliva
ton or a well-rounded grasp of truth.
Most Of them are highly speculative,
and for US to attempt to answer even
a small part Of them would take
much time without satisfactory re-
suits, and as our time is altogether
taken up with matters of present and
practical Importance, we cannot try
to answer them. We are very con-
fdent that we cannot send you "satis-
factory and convincing answers to
many Of the questions, and are quite
sure that we do not "lnow enough
to teach you anything"
AS the conditions Of your considera-
ton Of a course with US cannot be
met, we will take your card out Of
our prospective list. We are very
sorry not to be able to give you a
course, but your conditions make it
impossible. If you could enroll with
| us, as many thousands Of very in
telligent people are now doing, and
take our work as they are doing it,
we would be greatly pleased. We
are not at all Indifferent to your in
terest in the truth and in spiritual
things, but you shut the door against
us.
| Very sincerely,
| J. H. RALSTON
| Gee!-but amt that a corker ?
Ibid you ever read such a pitt
fully helpless confession of igno-
rance in all your life? You peo-
Iple who read the questions can
appreciate the joke. He says
lmany of the questions cannot be
answered by any human being.
|Of course they can't-from his
old orthodox viewpoint; but if
he would open his eyes to the
truth he would soon see that
the answers are easy.
| He has never heard most OF
1.-THE questions before, and thinks
II just Matched them up out of
my wild mag ination. Well,
what if I did? They are reason
able and proper questions Just
the same, and I think several
thousand of my readers will
back me up in that assertion.
i Furthermore, Mr.. Ralstor
thinks they are Highly specu-
lative and not essential to 6
wall 1O11ndod nr,ocn Of t1.11fl h
The fool-killer., 1922-03-01

Wonder if the Disagreement
Conference paid it's cigar bill
before it left? /
"Free Ireland" seems to be
just another name for a free
fight.
-
The Republican bosses want
to put the boys off till they
al perish to death, and then
they won't need any bonus.
Great idea!
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
OREGON SLOPE

Apple growers are busy this week
harvesting their big crop of apples.
Picking and packing is in full
swing, while reports from other dis
ticts indicate large percentage of
culls, the crop on the Slope is uni
formily free of disease and pests
and the quality of the fruit is ex-
ceptionally good.
Miss Leila Bartshe returned home
Sunday after spending ten days
with her sister Mrs. Chas. Warren
of Baker City.
| Mr.. and Mrs. Cyrus Troxell and
Mrs. William Summer motored to
Nampa Sunday and spent the day
with the formers mother Mrs. Joe
troxell
Mr.. and Mrs. ]. D. Conner enter
tanned the following guests at din
ner Sunday, Mr.. and Mrs. Mason
Clough, George and Maude Culp and
j. N. Burns of Ontario.
Lettuce growers are packing let
tuce and hauling to Weiser. Some
very fine quality lettuce has been
harvested and the late crop will be
even better.
Mr.. and Mrs. P. M. Boals, Mr.. and
Mrs. G. A. Karst, Mr.. and Mrs. A.
A. Gutteridge and Gertrude Boals
were entertained at dinner Thurs
day evening, by Mr.. and Mrs. Ora
Wilkin in honor of their house
guests Mrs. N e. Wilkin and daugh-
ter Esther.
Mrs. Natter and daughter Helen
of Nebraska, spent the week end
with Mrs. w. Davis.
Mrs. Harry X. Lattig and Mrs. C.
A. Karst were Ontario visitors Sat
urday.
Mr.. and Mrs. P. M. Boals and
daughters Gertrude and Mary mo-
tored to Boise Friday evening, and
spent Saturday at the Fair. They
were guests of Mr.. and Mrs. Heller
man Sunday.
The third and closing meeting of
the Millinery school was held Mon
day of last week at the home of
Mrs. E. w. Tomlin. Miss Cooley of
the extension department of o. A.
G. was in charge of the work. Ow-
ing to the extremely busy season
some of the ladies were not able to
take advantage of the opportunity
offered, however those who did at
tend made some very nice hats.
Mrs. G. A. Kast was appointed local
leader of the work which will be
carried on under her supervision.
Miss Cooley expects to return in
May to give personal instruction In
different kinds of sewing If the club
so decides.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
OWYHEE

Carl Schweizer, who is attending
High school at Boise, was down for
a visit with the home folks during
Institute week.
A community drainage meeting
was held at the school house Satur-
day evening and the question of
drainage discussed pro and con.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ray Cantrell and
daughter Dottie Belle, accompanied
by Mr.. and Mrs. l.. DeGoede at
tended the Weiser roundup Friday.
Hites' Schweizer's and DeBord's
went to the Orchard Tract In the
Bend for fruit Saturday.
Mrs. Floyd Shatto is helping Mrs.
Bigelow during having.
Mrs. Otto Schweizer, Mrs. Ruth
Shore, Mrs. Gertrude Ramsey and
Mrs. Victor Marshall were overnight
guests at the Oce Schweizer home
Sunday.
The third cutting of hay Is in all
stages of oeration throughout the
valley.
M and Mrs. Ernest Loye and two
sons of Emmett have rented the
Julien Lowe homestead for a per-
iod OF five years and intend to make
turkey ranch of 1t as they are COM
ing equipped for thet purpose with
owe a hundred and fifty turkeys.
II will be of interest to old Owy-
hee friends to learn of the recent
marriage OF Miss Hazel Loye, who
is teaching school at Creston, to
Mr.. Guy Shumway of that place.
Mrs. Shumway graduated from the
Owyhee Sth grade seeral years ago,
and has many friends and aquaint-
ances here who will wish her well.
Mr.. and Mrs. ]. p. McGinnis and
family were dinner guests at the
Schweizer home Sunday.
Several members of the DeBord
and Fem families picked prunes for
M. ~. Carson the first part of the
week.
Mrs. Chas. Fisher returned last
Thursday from an outing at Wal
Iowa Lake, bringing with her her
little granddaughter, Nellie Comp
ton of Enterprise, who will attend
school here.
Louis DeBord Is hauling HIS
wheat to Nyssa this week. His
brother Elmer came out from Nys-
sa with him to help him in haying.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Klingback and
children left Tuesday via Ford fos
trip at Walla Walla where Mrs.
Klingback's parents live,
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
WHITE BEARS ON MT. RAINIER
Exploring Party Finds Strange Animals
and other Matters of More Than
Passing Interest.

The Landry-Bergues party attempt
ing a midwinter ascent of Mount
Rainier, made some scientific dis
coveries while encamped at an altitude
of 5000 feet awaiting improved
weather conditions. First, several
members of the exploring party dis
covered that an almost pure white
bear of medium size inhabits the big
mountain and its environs.
The bear, which appears to be iden-
tical in shape and movement to the
common black bear of the forests, ap-
parently lives in ice caves and snow
assures.
Another find is the frost flower. This
wor rderful plant Is found only where
snew is eternal. Bursting from the
frozen snow 1t grows the first day to
the height of three feet, flowers the
third day and the fourth day resolves
into mysterious seed pods, then as sud
denly dlssolves itself. The STEM leaves
and flowers are white. The stalk is one
inch In diameter, the Ieaves-three In
number-in the broadest part are one
inch and half in width, covered with
unfinitesimal cones of snow. The flower
fully expanded is star-shaped. Efforts
are to be made to gather seed of this
snow plant for propagation in artifl-
cially cooled botanical gardens IN
Washington,
The spiral snowdrifts are another
curiosity never before seen. At the
9,000-foot height snow drifts in cir
cular manner, causing it to pile up In
spiral or spring-like columns 10 to 20
feet thick. AT the top weird little
curlicue of fresh snow tips the freak
ish drift, making of it veritable white
toadstool-Longmire, Wash, cores
pondence In New York Sun.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
the exac-
tons and tests of tires

VKYHEREvER the exac-
w tons and tests of tires
are most severe-there
you will find Firestone Cords
in universal use.
The hard jobs seek Fire
stone. And so well has Fire
stone responded under difficult
conditions-so consistently has
mileage mounted to totals inn
possible to obtain from ordi-
nary tires that today Most
Miles per Dollar is the buying
slogan of thinking motorists
everywhere.
The blending and tenpering
of rubber, gum-dipped cord
construction, air-bag cure-all
these mileage methods have
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
Deleterious Imitation.

"Don't you sometimes lose faith In
human nature?"
"Never," replied Senator Sorghum
"You can always depend on human
nature for generous actions and un.
prejudiced opinions, That refers, of
course. tn genuine human nature
which isn't always so easy to find. A
good many people feel that they have
to depend on human artifice and dis
stimulation. Human nature, my friend,
is all right. What makes the trouble
In society Is The de patured human .
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
Historic Church RededIcated

Historic Old Stone church at Staun-
ton, Va. was rededicated recently, a
new addition having been completed
Old Stone, located at Ft. Defiance, Is
the oldest Presbyterian church In Vir-
ginia, January % was the anniyer-
sary Of its original dedication, which
was In 1749.
The building was started in 1913
and sand had to be carried on horse
hack from the river, several miles
away, and men and women Of the
settlement remaining together and ac
companying tie trains for safety, the
men going armed for protection
against the Indians. WhO were still
numerous IN the valley.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
eWhe,y Sxt,a SerJice is Demanded
Firestone Cords Predominate

been developed by men whose
life work is the production of
constantly increasing tire val
ues for the public.
Users in this vicinity verify
Firestone reputation, and re-
port almost daily some new
Firestone record of extra dis
tance travelled.
Don't be satisfied to buy
tires-buy values-the longest
mileage at the lowest price con-
sistent with such reliable per-
forrnance.
Make Most Miles per Dollar
your principle of tire economy
- choose your next tire on
that basis.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
Fuel From sugar Cane.

Because of the high cost OF gasoline
In South Africa, motor fuels are man
,dactured from sugar cane, corn and
certain classes of cactus. all Of which
provide a plentiful supply Of alcohol.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05
Tramp, tramp, tramp,
The boys are marching"
Tramp, tramp, tramp.
The boys are marching"

"Susie, Susie, come quick. See wh'
is In the parade"
And there was "Old Captain" will
mead up and eyes sparkling, marching
with the rest.
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1922-10-05

in health and happiness payment that will
bring the Thor into your day make
you wonder how got along without
Why break back a struggle
hours with hand washer? Why have feet
and torn-up house when every dsagreeable
feature Of clothes washing Thor
Electric Washer? One day with Thor your
will be revelation Phone a demonstra-
on and place your order prompt delivery
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-04-06
Stories

knights OF the Knockers
to
tionalry had the keenest
up for
ind
owneroh while
German twist TeacherFriz example that re
que ~ ~ -
Herr
Vow Why irdca
to sit
one OF them asked What
fpglshnan
yachts One beat the other thickness
~
The Scotchman
a of the
and he by the little bee made
The freshman / The
49,
Irish style: Brdget-Do yerh sbandss orows
Bedeia- he bames
slant"What
o know but the price"
stirs of
the house
and
or o doorg'
of cal stops at bother
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-04-06
Drainage Of zuYasr zes.

AT the Inland shipping congress held
at Rotterdam recently the drainage of
the Iuy,ler zee formed the most i'm
portant subject of discussion, II was
pointed out that the drainage would
snake necessary the construction OF n
,iumber OF new canals. one speaker
pleaded that the building of new IN.
lagos and factories near the polders
should not be left to mere chance. VII.
lagos with churches should be built
near the canals but industrial works
nsax the dykes Such an arrangement
would prove OF advantage to shipping
and would prevent any pollution OF the
polder water. A number of the water.
ways connecting the Zuyder zee ports
are TO be preserved. but wherever
polders form a continuation of the ex.
listing land new harbors will have To
be made Scientific American.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-04-06
Does Your Memory Run Back

To tie night
settlers here then All the about
forest - 80
this
do not know how
tell Is to me-
Big Bull in
enona daughter o friendly
Jack Dantorth dashng
Portage had often
have her own.
ss ss %aRs Wisconsin, and Of the
day Danforh
rocky island about station today
ac
The cooked, made rough baskets chartered
dams planned stay until the cold of the winter drove them back the
gorgeous moon
from the south sonshn through the pines Big Bull and enon stole
bridge the falls today Scarcely they seated bank
and looking there in the light showing through the brush was the
Danforth
anything
p ' h snsSa @ ase msn mm Ses n ou m
like animals.
each trying death
that only Endurance S a AND ag sne % d zea az the Sp
them bodies booded blazing like metal they
lsnona standing the
the Indian and her great liking for the white Her ancestry blood and
training all turned 70 the Indian but the white fascinated!
Slowly surely the the edge of the cliff the
Jagged rocks the boiling the bottom
The Indians back was to the river Watching his chance Danoh pulled
entirely his clutch the suddenness OF the Big
him picked
edge of the cln His body bounded boiling
of the river and he
nsntorth fell to the ground qung heap and enens mnere
their descendants still living the country around the OF old Fort
dangerous beautiful raging roaring
the Wisconsin river has been known Big Bull Falls"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-04-06
HoARDs INCREASED IN VALUE
Austrian Peasants Who Eurisd Coins
Are Now Worth Enormous
Sums, on Paper.

Thousands OF central and eastern
European peasants. following time
h0nored custom, buried their silver
coins against rainy day. These sill
yer coins, writes Joseph Szebenyel In
the Atlantic. naturally retained their
formal value. But the boarding was
done on sucfi an extensive scale that.
as early as 1918. all silver coins had
disappeared from circulation in Ger
many, Austria hungary, Jugo-Slayia.
Roumania and Poland.
Today "A peasant who buried lO0
j-kronen pieces is millionaire; he
can exchange the 800 kronen in silver
for 1O0D.OO0 kr6nen in paper money.
4 In Austria Hungary alone there had
been in circulation something like
2Oc.W0OD0 kronen worth of silver
money before the war. IL would take
Austria the enorls,us SUN OF .UO.o0O,-
Os.Ls0 kronen to buy up Ter half OF
this hoafded silver currency.
The fact of being millionaire in
those countries does not mean any
thing. Such million Is a million in
iglres. hut not in value; and when
such million Is converted into
sound currency, the shrinkage is
fabulous. But the purchasing power
of the deprecated currencies OF CEN
trail Europe has not gone down quite
in proportion with the decrease of
their exchange value. One million
Austrian kronen. which were worth
before the war almost s200.o0O. are
worth today not quite S1o0; but their
purchasing value in Austria is con
slderably more than that.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-04-06

slfleu rhuhgfp, tablespoonful of
le'i;1a Juice and the grated rind Of an
orange and one and three-qarter cup
tuls of sugar. Stir until well dis
solved and freeze as usual.
IS this Is the season when oranges
are the most abundant, one may use
them freely In many ways.
As n salad, sliced thin and marinat.
ed with French dressing aud heaped
With shredded celery and tart cherries.
mixed with dressing and served on let
tuce. ..-
very pretty salad may he made
using alternate sections OF grapefruit
aud orange with an equally sized sec
ton of red apple, with the skin left ON.
Serve on lettuce and with any well.
liked dressing.
cornmeal and Prune Pudding
Bring one quart OF milk TO the boiling
point: sprinkle in three-quarters of q
cupful of cornmeal and cook until
smooth and thick, stirring constantly
Add one-half teaspoonful OF salt, one.
half cupful OF sugar, two tablespoon
fuls Of melted butter, two eggs. we'll
beaten, and one and one-half cupfuls
Of stewed prunes, cut in pieces, Pour
into well creased baking dish and
bake until firp. Serve with hot cream
or hot milk, or lemon sauce.
Farins With Fruit--Drain can Of
spricots. Scald four cupfuls OF milk I;
add one-half teaspoonful OF salt. four
tablespoonfuls OF farins, moistened
with one-hhlf cupful Of the fruit juice I;
stir and cook for three minutes. Add
the fruit. which has been pressed
through a sieve, and simmer for ten
minutes longer. Pour into wet mold
and let stand In cool place TO become
Arm. Turn out; decorate with few
pieces OF the fruit which have been re
/ served and serve with cream.
when baking griddle cakes add a
I tablespoonful or two OF fat 10 the bat.
I ter and no fat will be needed on the
xr,ddle. thus avoiding all smoke.
| Wv. htAxws