The Topeka state journal., 1922-01-04
ON SECOND THOUGHT
BY JAY E. HOUSE
CFrom Philadelphia Public Eedger.)


him if he intended to do it, he said
he didn't intend to do it yesterday.
We don't believe the subscriber who
is after our scalp will be able to get
it until, he supplies the gentleman
who pays our wages with his name
and address.
A woman does not actually mis-
represent the number of men who
have asked her to marry them, but
your own conclusions, provided such
conclusions are complimentary to her.
For every quarrel a man and his
wife have before others, says noted
philosopher, they have a hundred
when alone While the philosopher
in question is a keen judge of life,
we believe he undereStimateS the pos
sibilities of the home.
Formerly, before prohibition be-
came the law of the land, an ideal
guest was one who stayed not later
than II o'clock in the evening. Now
adays an ideal guest is one who is able
to get home unaided.
Before marriage man selects his
own dancing partners. After mar
riage his wife selects them.
Before Christmas the cars were
badly crowded with women who were
taking things home. Since Christmas
they have been badly crowded with
women taking things back.
The people of our neighborhood are
very proud of Miss Mabel Malapert
and frequently compliment her. They
say Miss Malapert, who will soon be
eighteen years old, does not smoke
and has never tasted Intoxicating
liquor.
There was a good deal of excitement
at our house Thursday afternoon.
Shortly after we left for the day
telegram addressed to US was deliv-
home the office had twice telephoned
the house in an effort to get in touch
with us. We found Adelaide greatly
worried; she was sure the telegram
contained bad news. When, a little
later, Cullen Cain telephoned that he
was bringing the message out, Ade-
laide was confirmed in her belief that
it was the medium of sad tidngs. Such
is the influence of the feminine upon
the masculine mind that we shortly
were as badly frightened as Adelaide
and the excitement had communicated
itself to the entire household.
When Mr.. Cain finally delivered the
message we opened it with shaking
hands to find that a New York news
paper wanted US to send it 100 words
of humorous New Years resolutions
We don't know why the New York
newspaper picked on us, but it may
interest the editor to know that his
telegram upset one humble household
for two mortal hours.
Down town a man takes telegram
as a matter of course. It never occurs
to him that it may contain unpleasant
intelligence. But in the home a tele-
gram is temporarily as disastrous as
one wedding or three fires.
Bravery is the belief that you can
| lick ~ the fellow with whom you
matched the fight.
Surgeons perform so many opera
tions nowadays that the man who
hasn't had one practically is barred
from the conversation.
| We are, we mention quite casually,
about to be stabbed to the heart again.
At dinner in New York next month
we are to meet a woman we haven't
seen for twenty-five years. After a
man meets a woman, he hasn't seen for
a long time, he never again can kid"
himself into' believing he still is as
young as he ever was.
The work is pretty evenly divided.
The women find the four-leafer Glow
ers and the men the money.
When the man who says he honors
women is too fnsistent about he raises
grave doubt in the minds of his
hearers.
When a man hears the telephone
ring he hopes it is the dentist calling
| him up for the purpose of canceling
the appointment for today and ar
ranging one for the latter part of next
week.
There was a time when attending to
| other peoples affairs paid very poor
returns on the investment, but condi-
tions are so changed that a smart man
can now make pretty good money
| at it.
The rule is that boy babies may be
| spanked when they are a year DID, but
| those who observe the regulations do
not begin spanking girl babies until
they are about eighteen months old.
Some claim a girl baby should not be
| spanked until she is two years old
Formerly, when nearly everybody
who played cards did so for fun there
was a good deal of objection to the
pastime. Now that nearly everybody
plays for money very little is said
about it.
A husband and wife never are able
| to agree as to what the husband said
in the heat of the controversy.
The objection to February is due not
so much to the fact that February
weather is likely to be unpleasant as
to the fact that the month has three
holidays.
If you wish to hear a farmer laugh
his head off tell him you own a dog
that is worth 500.
Most men claim their wives pro-
posed to them and there is some truth
in nearly every absurd statement.
We DO not car to be anybody's con-
fidante. Unless we can tell a secret
there is no satisfaction in knowing it.