davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

on the beat made hasty gate. Cobbestones con-
fetti to them. They used to play tiddedewnks with
manhole and forget to replace em before night
came
Red lanterns didn't mean trouble to those boys, they
meant adventure or maybe frolc with death. Their
idea of happiness to drive team Of goats tandem
over piece of asphalt which hadn't been opened up to
traffic yet Angus mother used to boast that he fell
from a fourth-story window when he was eighteen
months old and it didn't hurt him bit
The lad inherited pack Of meanness from his
father At tender age they had his tonsils cut out,
and you wouldn't believe it, but they grew back again
within three months
Finally they took Angus to horse specialist, who
said the only way to keep the kids adenoids from
popping back every time they we're amputated was to
out his head off, After family conference de-
cided to leave his head but to saw him in half just
below the chin.
To get back to the other menace Faulty had almost
as many shortcomings his brother Put both of em
together and they wouldn't make one human being.
However, their and pa decided to let them live
instead Of drowning them.
At first the father wanted to trade them in to q
medical school in the interest of science The pro-
fessors took look at the curostes and announced
that they would be drawback to medical advance
ment but suggested that perhaps the would take
them.
The boys stayed at the until the animals got to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

leading men, including who wish to
soys maybe little gambling and he to them like
this
Gentlemen Grandpap Mugg "Budge Mugg wishes to
Billings, Mont, which is good long ways from here
open business All he needs" Grandpap Mugg
us two thousand bucks"
Well in time my Grandpap Mugg has tho two thousand
oversubscribed He takes the back to
Bulge Mugg, the half the town down to
the Uncle Bulge catch the Cannon Ball to Montana
do hear much Of him for months and things
certainly old homo town with nobody to
mention the marshal but day Uncle
Bulge back he broke IN Billings Mont
figures staying in old homo town for awhile
"Montana not the place for mo- he to Grandpap
Mugg H only to Nova Scotia will do much better from
what hear"
that sol" Grandpap Mugs With much interest
Flow far Nova Scotia and how much do need to get
theref"
ut far indeed" Uncle Bulge land cannot
do It less than three thousand bucks"
does this than Grandpap Mugg Is down
the business and the next day Uncle
Bulge headed for Nova Scotia Naturally
Uncle Bulge much weed by this evidence OF esteem IN
which held the community and he enough to
thank them all
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

Naturally such propositions brought their attention
mayor marshal have do something other about IT,
they feel like doing anything. So. Uncle
Bulge considered public pest and Grandpap Mugg often
says that killing Is too good for him.
Well but day Uncle Bulge comes out
pick scandal about the Mugs
while he talking to Grandpap Mugg
this thing and another he to
Grandpsp like this:
81 just wonderful business opening for smart
Bilngs Montana and Uncle Bulge 1T
havs couple dollars win certainly thsrs
advantage Of It. certainly tough t. Be broke -
time Ike thiA"
WELL course my Uncle Bulge Il anything but broke
an his % he not broke he has terrible crack across
his stomach but my Gandpap Mugg does not mention this In
fact my 0andpap MugY does not anything for fsw
minutes but thinking quite Finally hs
Uncle Bulge Ike this,
"How far is Billings, Mont from heref~
"Wsn," my Uncle Bulge says, ut Ii quite . ways"
that my Grandpap Mugs "Wen, Budge" he
IL think maybe get the two thousand for you
Naturally Uncle Bulge much astonshed at the idea Of
anybody him thousand bucks and he does believe
thing will really off, But Grsndpap Mugg puts
his hat and down town. and calls in many Of
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
BY CAROLYN VANCE.

tecting women in industry are
vague il not altogether nil, and
fragrant wrongs against child
hood, such as persist in the cot
ton mill districts, are allowed to
60 on unmolested.
In a similar manner men are
trying to kid themselves into
believing that they are still the
conquering sex by sculping such
statues ~ Civic Virtue and
writing such books n "Main
Street" and "f Winter Comes"
The halo that was once worn
by women in sculpture and lit
erature has been snatched away
by tho men and we find them
now simpering before the mir
ror to see just how becoming
this bit Of millinery 10.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
THE MASCULINIST

"Clvic Virtue" has brought NJ
to the abrupt realization that
styles in sculpture have changed.
Time was, when any Of the vir-
tues were in need Of expression
in everlasting marble, the artist
would call in a model Of the f.
male persuasion to pose for him.
Faith, Hope, and Charity" and
Liberty Enlightening the World"
and similar works Of art long
treasured by tho American peo-
pie in which woman figures a.
something fine and noble, no
doubt are not art at all In the
opinion of the artists who are
now devoted to the cult Of ''mas-
culinism."
"Masculinism" Is the concomi-
tant of "Feminism," and is . very
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
den and oppressed men.

den and oppressed men.
In poetry, I suppose, instead
Of "Odes to q Lady's Eyebrow"
we shall have them all dedicated
to the gentleman's eyebrow, the
masculinist method Of getting
even with women for getting
votes and jobs.
For, after all, all Of this chiv-
airy stuff, in pre-suffrage days,
. was Just plain Kidding, an at
tempt to pull the wool over
women's eyes and divert them
from thinking Of their wrongs.
In the South today, where
chivalry is making its last
stand, where . man will start
a general all-around melee II a
woman's name Is casually men,
toned in u crowd, the laws pro-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
NPEAKING Of statues, it's been

NPEAKING Of statues, it's been
- . long time now since any
body has mentioned that
woman properly belongs high
above man, upon a pedestal"
According to Frederick Mac
Nonnies, today's conception Of
woman's place is somewhere con-
,enient for man to use her as
foot stool, a doormat as it were.
They warned us, it was Tom
Aeflin. who warned us most vocif-
srously, that giving votes to
woman would drag her from
her high place upon pedestal
into the mire."
But we really didn't think i
would happen-at least not soon,
And now 1t has happened, sculp-
-sS~ally anyhow.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

young cult indeed. Feminism
was born when women were the
politically and economically op-
pressed Of the earth. Masculin-
ism Is developing now for tho
same reason, because women are
threatening to wrest power from
the male sex.
The statue, "Civic Virtue
designed BY MacMonnies, depict
ing . male in the role Of Vir-
tue crushing female forms,
symbolizing Temptation, into
the dust beneath his feet, IL
ono Of the frst outcroppings
Of "Masculinism," and il but .
clustering attempt to put
woman back In her place.
What has happened in sculp-
ture has had its parallel in lit
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

erature. The basic ideas Of
"Main Street" and "If Winter
Comes" and also Of "The
Brimming Cup" and "The
Lonely Warrior" are concerned
with oppressed men, heroes who
are required to struggle with
mean, cold and critical wives
These books have sold into the
hunreds Of thousands, which
indicates a suppressed revolt
among the men in tho country,
who are taking it out In buy
ing, reading, and lending and
pushing books.
In the realm of literature the
noble heroine Is going out and
the noble hero is coming in.
The best novels all tell about
the sufferings Of our downtrod-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
By KIRK MILLER

complaining, whom tho fond parents were forced to
take the specimens back home to raise with the hogs
guinea hens and geese. ~
At the ago Of fourteen they entered kindergarten and
by the time they were twenty both had graduated
through the first stanza of grammar school It wasn't
long, however until they became rough with their
little playmates that the teacher couldn't trust them
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

THO V0ld FlSn W0u1d snap HC Inem
ance Once he woke up in the middle Of his pew and
interrupted the sermon which was on alcohol in all its
ramications and grandpop started quoting, but got
little mixed up.
The minister says, "He who drinks shall be
damned" That was when grandpop woke up and said,
"You've got to stop swearing at me-" The minister
wasn't swearing at him. because there lots of other
folks in the church. But grandpop started Quoting
authority and said that drink sanctioned by the
prophets and the minister told him he wrong
So grandpop quoted, "Wine is mocker and strong
drink is raging and he who is thereby shall
inherit the earth.'
Everybody applauded, but the minister, who told
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

IF you never met Faulty McCuen you never missed
! anything.
IF you never heard of him you are better off sti1L
Faulty gutter mate Of Angus McBitters We
mention them in the breath because this is April
and the month they always sent their laundry.
Yes, sir, April LIST their birthday.
On this national holiday Faulty and Angus made
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
THE FAMILY ALBUM

A NENT the family carry-all When Grandpop
"A made his WILL he left that carriage to Uncle Abner
with complete equipment There a whip and
harness and full set of carriage dogs.
Aunt Moosie cried little when grandpop died. She
was always crying In fact, she wept so much she
made everybody's corns ache.
It grandpop's own fault that he died He
opposed to not drinking. 1t broke granny's spirit
when grandpop used to come home every night and
try to catch the goldfish in the parlor aquarium, using
his whiskers for bait. He would let his beard hang
down in the fish bowl and the goldfish would snap
ut them.
He caught any goldfish, but it used to clean
his whiskers because grandpop careful drinker,
but careless eater. There always some bread
crumbs other knick knacks in his beard That natu
rally was harvest for the little fish.
Finally, grandpop's heart got tired of trying to
catch up to his breath and-yes those burned holes in
the pages marks of grandpops thumb He loved to
look through the album and used to wet his thumb
his tongue he could turn the pages We don know
what he drank but his wet thumb used to scorch the
paper.
He was an earnest student of the Scriptures and
loved to argue with the village minister on inteper
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
The Pastor Set Grandpop Right.

grandpop that there was no alcoholic edition
So the minister said that grandpop quoting from
his memory which very poor, especially at
collection time.
But grandpop told him that was his story and he
would stick to it. So the minister said that grandpop
ought to stick to the Sunday edition Of the Scriptures
and not pay so much attention to the Saturday night
extra.
Then he showed the congregation the real passage
that didn't say anything about he who is overcome
thereby inheriting the earth.
He said to the old man: "Wine is mocker and
strong drink is raging But he who is overcome there
by doesn't inherit the earth"
Grandpop said: "Well, he thinks he does, anyway
And that's the thing
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

their advent to the same father and mother. They
were twins like the gold dust babies.
There some controversy between the parents as
TO what to name the litter Of children, so Faulty
given his mothers last and Angus ibeled
after his father
While nobody suspected they brothers, they
fought like relatives when it to dividing the last
crumb.
These dumbbells must have been we'll up in their
thrties before either showed any signs Of intelligence
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02

in the Same yard. Ultimately she had to put dog
collars around their necks and chain em to posts lest
the other pupils get hydrophoba.
Faulty and Angus were just entering their thirties
when the school board decided to parole them in
Of the State insane asylum They had been in school
fifteen years and neither one of them knew that Nc
Kinley even sick.
Last heard Of them they were being used Indian
clubs by acrobats who worked in a travelling medicine
show.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
Bv DAMON RUNYON

This he for and business booming
back in Then Uncle Bulge shows day,
broke again, but he had wonderful idea
get hold Of forytwo doas Uncle Bulge says,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
|ncle Bulge Is on Another Train.

Next Day Uncle Bulge Is Another Train.
tak lot not apt very popular back my town,
especially II they talk about certain subjects.
there nothing Uncle Bulge will mention in his
conversation he hears of anybody running little softly
which of saying speak-easy he
subject the first time he the of
anybody who doing little gambling he pretty tell the
unarshsl II.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-04-02
UNCLE BULGE MUGG

MAYBE ten very much about Uncle Bulge
Mugy, but he certainly wonderful character in
respects.
The only trouble with Uncle Bulge he loves punch
the bag which saying he likes talk and people who
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

table Compound. l took it regularly I'M
til all the hard pains had left me and |
was able to be up and to do my work
again. The hard lump left my side and
l feel splendid in all ways. 1 know of
many women it has helped, Mrs. G.
RICHARDSON, 1910 Orcas St, Seattle,
Washington.
This is another case where Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
broughtresultsa after trying everything
any one told me" had failed.
If you are suffering from pain, ner-
are Iow sprte aPe and w ecsod for nothing
take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. You may not only relieve
the present distress, but prevent the
development of more serious trouble.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26
81 Years Ago
Happenings of August, 1872,
Taken from the Files of
The Phoenix

Frank Farr lost a valuable saddle
horse the other day by being run into by
a team.
The members of the Universalist Sab
bath school are arranging Tor picnic
on Saturday OF next week.
The Greeley fac suspended over Main
street, was blown down in the gale of
Thursday afternoon, while the Grant
flag nearby retained its position. Pro
phctic, of course.
The Connecticut River association I.
O. 0. f., with their ladies and friends,
have arranged for a picnic at Lake
Pleasant in Montague, Mass, next
Wednesday.
A recent canvass of J. Estey & Co.'S.
cottage organ mandatory resulted as
follows: Grant and Wilson, 81. Gree
ley and Brown. and doubtful, p.
The summer term in district number
six closed on the 9th inst. The follow
ing are the names of the pupils having
no absent or tardy marks: Nora Taft,
Smith. Ella Smith, Willie Simonds,
Frank Taft. Lester Smith, Walter
MAY and Jenner Chamberlain ware alb
sent but half day.
u
Our crop of local items is unusually
short this week There appears to be
absolutely nothing of interest to report
aside from the political discussions
which have engaged attention to the
swallowing up of everything else.
.
Putney: Rev. Mr.. Webster of South
Carolina, who is here on a visit to his
son. DR.. D. p. Webster, and who has beer
for some time connected with the Freed
mems bureau of that state. addressed
the people in the town hall on Monday
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26
W.eSr HALIFAX

Miss Ethel Hubbell. woh has been witt
her grandmother in Bristol, Conn, for
some time, has returned home.
Mrs. Marion Wheeler. who has been
working for Mrs. Il. p Robinson in
Jacksonville. has returned home.
MIR. and Mrs. d. d. Pratt. A. A. Fair
banks and son. Norton. attended the
Stacy-Larabee reunion at Forest Lake
last week.
MIR. and Mrs. Hobart Carpenter of
Brattleboro and Mrs. Ward Wheeler of
Brooklyn. We're guests of Mrs. Nj. l..
Wheeler Sunday,
Mr.. and Mrs. l.. A. Sumner. Mrs. III
ID. Bowen and Mr.. and Mrs. Louis Quinn
of CuiIford are attending the Grange
lecturers conference in Burlington.
Rev. J. c. Lawrence will preach his
farewell sermon in the Baptist church
next Sunday. 10 is with regret to ms
MANY friends that he is going away and
the best wishes Of them all go with them
to their new home
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

evening. on the social and political con-
dition of the South, giving ayivid pic
ture of the state of society in South
Carolina in particular.
Townshend: A Grant and Wilson flag
was flung to the breeze Saturday after
noon and was received with three hearty
cheers by the citizens. After giving
three more for Grant and Wilson, the
club repaired to the hall and made their
temporary organization permanent by
the election of officers. Hon. A Stod-
dard was made president.
Guilford: There is a spirit of i'm
provement manifested in this village.
Mr. Sanford A. Smith has erected new
barn which is well finished and painted,
Mr. Addison Baker has repaired and
painted his barn and shed and contem-
plates further improvements on the ho-
tel. Messrs. Stephen and Henry Smith
are building a blacksmith shop, 40X20,
which is required for their extensive
business of manufacturing children's
carriages. Messrs. Clisbee & Richmond
are doing a good business in their grist
mill. Mr. Charles Alexander is building
an addition to his tobacco barn OF "a
feet, not having room to store his pres
emf crop.
Married-In Brattleboro, August II
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

keys-yes. that was clever OF you.
but 1 think was cleverer.
II deceived you over the keys, Mr..
Gillingham. as I learnt when took
the liberty of listening to a con-
versation on the bowling green be-
tween you and your friend Beverley.
Where was I? All, you must have a
look for that secret passage, Mr.. Gill
lingham.
But what am I saying7 Did I
deceive you at all? You have found
out the secret-that Robert was
MARYLAND that is all that matters.
How have you found out? 1 shall
never know now. Where did I ga
wrong? Perhaps you have been de
ceiving me all the time. Perhaps
you knew about the keys, about the
window. even about the secret pas
sage. You are a clever man, Mr.
Gillingham.
AZ had Marks clothes on my
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

hands I might have left them in
the passage but the secret of the
passage was now out. Miss Norris
knew 1t. That was the weak point
OF my plan, perhaps, that Miss Nor
ris had to know it. So hid them in
the pond, the inspector having oblig-
ingly dragged it for me hrst A
couple of keys Joined them, but
kept the revolver. Fortunate, wasn't
it, Mr.. Dillingham;?
"Goodby, Mr.. Gillingham. I'm
sorry that your stay with US was
not of a pleasanter nature, but you
understand the difficulties in which
was placed. Don't let Bill think
too badly of me- He is a good fell
low; look after him. He will be sur
prised- The young are always sur
prised. And thank you for letting
me end my own way. I expect you
did sympathize a little. you know.
We might have been friends in an.
other world-you and 1. and L and
thing or nothing. You will know
what is best. Goodby, Mr.. Gilhng-
ham.
MATTHEW CA1 LEY.
'T am lonely tonight without
Mark. That's funny. isn't it?"
CHAPTER XXI
s.CooD LordF' said Bin' as he
II put down the letter. "What
did you write to him? Was
that last night? After I'd gone into
Stanton?"
Yes
what did you say? That you'd
discovered that Mark was Robert?''
yes. At least l said that this
| morning I should probably telegraph
to Mr.. Cartwright of Wimpole
Street, and ask him to identify the
body"
Bill nodded thoughtfully and went
| back again to the letter.
81 see. And you told Cayley that
you were telegraphing to Mark 6
| dentist?'
yes. And then of course it was
all up for him. Once we knew that
Robert was Mark we knew every
thing"
How did you known"
| Antony got up from the breakfast
table and began to fill his pipe.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

my feet, then | had
chills and fever and
such pains in my
right side and a hard
lump there. l could
not turn myself in
bed and could not
sleep. l was this way
for over twomonths,
trying everything
any one told me, I'M
til my sister brought
me a bottle of Lydia
IL. Pinkham's Vege-
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

bv Rev. N. Mighin. Mr. George Cham
berlin of Brattleboro and Miss Eliza Z
Horton of Orfordville, n. H.
Born-in this village. August 18th, .
son to John ID. and Della Roess.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26
SUCH PAINS AS
THIS WOMAN HAD
Two Months Could Not Turn inBed.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound Finally Restored Health
IHlIlLLI!III.lllIlIII

Seattle, Washington 81 had drag
ging pains first and could not stand on
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

EDWARD R. LYNCH, N. D. Surgery spe.
eialty. Office, Park Building. Phone, $40
Hours: l to 4 p. n, to .. m. Residence,
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.

FRANK A. SNOW, Violin Teacher. Tel.
SON. 10 Putney Road.
GEORGE HOPKINSOE, NJ. D, Surgeon,
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat. Wardsboro. VT.
Ielcnhnne cnnrectinn
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

DIR. E. L. TRACY, Physician and Surgeon, "a
Main St. Office hours to n. ~. TO J p. n,
to SO n. m. Tel. 90
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

DIR. b. P. GREENE, Physician and Surgeon.
Office, Bank block. Hours: 80 TO 3, and to
?. N. Residence, 50 Green st. Telephone
connection. Mornings and Sundays by APP
pointment only.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

THOMAS RICE, NJ. D. Cutler Block. Office
hnrirs L. I'D
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

DR.. GRACE ". BURNETT, phySician snd
Surgeon. Market Block, Elliot ST Of1ce
hours: $50 to $50 a. M. /; 80 to 80, and to 8
p. m. Telephone Jaw.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

DR.. A. I. MILLER, Hooker block, Brattis-
bro. Offlce hours: 8 to 9. / to 2. go TO s.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

G. R. ANDERSON, Surgeon and Pnystcian.
Surgery speciality. Office and residence,
Brooks House, 12s Main St. Hours: After.
poons, 80 70 3, evenings, 7 IN 3. except Tues
days and Fridays. Sundays By appointment
only. Phone 246
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-08-26

Frank Farr lost a valuable saddle
horse the other day by being run into by
q team.