The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-01-10

meter wouldn't
RED.
HAD We a ddsposition resembling that of
lizzie Maud Feeney, who wooed and won the
handsome (sic) Aaron Boggs, we snouio re-
mark to Red "Now look a-here, young man
don't YOU get SO familiar with my front name!
Rut our nature is SO sweet that we have often
wondered how our mother escaped christening
us Little Sunshine. CHAT ought to bring
a sarcastic chortle from T. l.. W. Ii. I. ID. o. 81
oh. WE'D STEAL PENNIES FROM THE
CHURCH COLLECTION
Sunday school teacher: What does your
papa do, Dean?
Dean: "Oh! he writes ms column ana L
hafta help him"
Most of us get outside help in our work,
but to think of a true descendant of Bruce,
Or of Wallace, stealing youngsters thunder,
and taking the credit!
By the Pink Toed Prophet, S too much.
SCORPIO.
his voice took on a panied look as he
added: Prom the Chitr1os daily story.
Interesting, if true.
THE extract from the Trib story has been
kicking around in the overset galley for a
week In the meantime belated contrib has
put it over in the Line. It's old stuff now,
but it goes nevertheless; for we never thrt
away colyum material once it has been put IN
type.
OH say, Mac: That which seems to have
rung your shield not the point of lance.
l only tossed couple of pebbles to discover
whether this here Tombstone graced pOtter's
field embellished orthodox burial ground.
TO think that one diminutive hyphen could
earn twenty lines and transposed letter seven
more! Gramercy, Mac: but what about the
other mistakes? Ye editorial adZe has clipped
a few capitals into lower-case letters, to say
nothing of erudite deletions and the revsions
III punctuation. Forsooth, these errors are
not to be lightly passed over without appro-
pirate excerpts FROM frex, Woolley? Aw
COM on. SCAMOZZI
P s. Would you like to have me identify
my envelopes so that you be at "gaz
aierte' before opening same? SCAMoZ'
THE suspicion grows that scamoz' is
homme d'esprt, Certainly he is droll cuss:
for we should recognize the envelopes he uses
by touch alone. 1t is hardly fair of him, how
ever, to chide us for editorial errors A re-
view of colyum files will reveal that we have
noted many of them.
HIS MASTERS VOICE.
wish you knew Gladys Gray. No, 1 don't
either. I've got no grudge against you You
see Gladys lives next door to US. l don't know
much about her or her family but sure know
her music Music? YAH! Gladys entertains
a young man quite frequently, but it isn't
always the same young man. She is looking
them over, you see, and the various specimens
come IN truly remarkable ever procession
one at time some way she has it fixed No
fights, no jostling in the hall, never any nov
city like that Her entertainment is a stock
sketch always the same From 100 to 931
the visitor engages in conversation with Pa
Gray about what they both read in the news
paper, while Glad butts in once in a while
with remarks about the sock she is trying to
knit. About 9:45 Pa Gray retires. He is a
nervous wreck or something and he needs the
sleep. If he forgets he needs it Glad reminds
him of it. After he is gone Glad turns off all
the lights except the pink reading light chases
the knitting off the davenport; and then opens
up the photograph.
So far the performance has been confined
to the home but from this point on it inyades
the neighbOrhood and the neighbors swear
thick and fast Gladys Gray is only one name
1 call her among others-yes, many others. |
Gladys uses haunting melodies in her vamping
business. When she first came it was Mem
cries. Do l know Memories? I'll say l do. |
Well, to continue, since Memories" is gone she
has Poor Butterfly Does it haunt? When
Gladys gives that record a twirl and
Poor Butterfly" scars out in the COM
munity, with its rag-time triplets fut-
tering about it, 1 know too well that it will |
be hour before the trusty insect will be |
allowed to fold its, painted pinions and beat |
it back in the record envelope to rest Does
il haunt? Some photograph! Regular old
son-or- a. lOwn-bandt l have an idea that I |
could sue Gladys or somebody and get dam
ages-that is, if the jury should decide that l |
was less valuable crazy than the way L was
before. If anyone wants to buy my claim I'll |
M.
what have you to trade.
Photographs are loud! All of EN- The
manufacturers took pains to make 'em So out
o. sheer and absolute misconception. They got
the idea very earlysthat several or more people
would like to hear one photograph at the same
time. Why even now, when they ought to
know better, they still publish those pictures
she wing the whole family sitting spell-bound:
Mother dropping her sewing, Johnny his vol
ume OF Browning and all that The facts a re
just the other way. Johnny delights in "ian-I
gIed-jazz'; which nobody but himself can fol-
low, that makes the baby cry and the others
want to. If Little Sister starts the we'll worn
Maxixe and falls to dreaming about the Sim
wasted lounge-lizzard she has seen at the
spencer So. her mother hdgets and chances at
her offspring with apprehension. When Rip
Sister puts on Operate" record. lonqar
than woodpecker's day dream, Father rrshs
the Argus and sneaks for the kitchen. The
home has been endangered by these instrno
ments ever since the PUP HEARD HIS
VOICE" A'GAWaN 1A'
ON our desk we have just found a fras-
ment of a clipping which reads: Fort Worth
Tex Jan. 2. Bo' McMillin is disappointed on
ms wedding day. So is his bride of a few
hours. Now. we're wondering who put that
clipping on the desk and why the rest of the
story was torn of
NO room for last line G'night !,