The New York herald., 1922-02-19

not excepting Emmons Derwent, the popu-
lar E fiat cornetist of our Burrsville Gold
and Silver Cornet Band, who is only four
inches taller than the bass drum.
To make matters worse. Mr.. Baffng-
phone, Phi. D.. wore one Of those round,
closely cropped boards on his chin which
are Hon. Quinns particular aversion, al
ways driving him frantic. Hon. Quinn
always, he says, has no use for men wear
ing this kind of what he always slightingly
calls Methodist whiskers."
To make matters even worse, this Baf-
fingphone, Phi. D., party raised one hand in
a dignified way to make Hon. Quinn
shut up.
Friends" nevertheless continued Hon.
QUINN making an irritated gesture like he
was brushing Mr.. Bafnngphone, Phi. D.,
aside into the ash pile or something. "as
we say in the classics"
Astonished at the Voice
OF Such Little Man
"Cease!" crashed Mr.. Bafingphone,
Phi D., he with this one word making the
loudest noise ever heard in this borough.
This here little Mr.. Baflngphone, Ph D..
got his Job with the Chautauqua movement,
We scribe learned later, mostly on account
Of he having the most powerful voice in
the history of this country. And when he
said "Cease" he leaned all he had right
on its nose, like he was Babe Ruth pasting
a line homer just clear of the corset ad-
yertisement on the fence back of center
field.
1t was so loud that-but put it more
clearly-it stopped even Hon. Quinn.
That's how loud it was.
"And furthermore, Mr.. Quinn, or Ounce,
or whatever your honored name is" went
right on this little BafHngphone, Phi. d.,
rarity, in voice that made the ice in the
water pitcher on the stage tinkle like fire
alarms and futtered all the flags and pen
nants in Arnold Hall-"furthermore Mr..
Ounce, as we also say in the classics,
Nature abhorret vacuo.
Eyes and let me tell you something else,
Mr.. Ounce! Ex nihilo nihil-"
Cease, yourself!" shouted Hon. Quinn
at his loudest, but it sounded like he was
Whispering "How dare"
"Cease!" again said little Baffingphone.
Phi. D., this time putting not only all he
got on it, but all he ever had got. And
instantly vacate that chair of Mr.. Mickle-
mans. Quickl Carpe diem!"
This last was the loudest noise ever
heard in this country.
"And now dear, sweet friends" suddenly
said smilingly little Mr.. Bafingphone,
PHI. D., turning to the excited audience and
dropping his voice musically until you
could only hear it across North Main, be
fore the concert and the lecture by the
charming and gifted Prof. Fuerties let us.
sweet friends, rise and sing the first and
last verses of America to our dear Mrs.
Sweetsers accompaniment on the piano
forte.
"You understand thoroughly, dear peo-
pie? Good! First My country, 'tis' and
so on and so on. Then skip to Our fathers
and so on and so on. You follow me.
charming folks? Good! Ready dear Mrs.
Sweetser? Good! One, two, three!
my country"
Mr.. Bafingphone leading community
singing was the loudest noise heard In this
State since the Black Tom explosion.
Hon. Quinn came down the stage behind
Mr.. Bafhngphone, Phi. d., and stood kind
of smiling friendly right close to Mr..
BafIingphone, Phi. d. But the latter paid
no attention, only singing louder and
louder, while Hon. Quinn kept studying
and looking down on little Mr.. Bafing-
phone, Phi. D.. like he was interested In
Mr. Bafingphone Phi. D.. and admiring
him.
And Mr. Bafingphone, Ph. d., still kept
singing and paying no attention, even when
Hon. Quinn finally smiled kindliest and
gave Mr.. Bafingphone, Phi. D., two or three
approving little pats on the shoulder
Hon Quinn then exiting through the back
entrance to the stage. smiling to himself
and thoughtfully shaking his head
Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndtcdte.)