davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

Governor Dunne was reminiscent
ssWhen was = boy In school," he
said. 'ws always had lecture every
FT1dmg afternoon. One Friday geolo-
glst iectured about Niagara Falls. and
told - that In the course OF some 200.-
600 years they would have worn their
way back to Erie, and that town would
be left high and dry. Suddenly the leo
ture was interrupted by one Of the
girls In the class. who began to sob
hysterically.
why. Edith, ssisd the teacher, 'ars
y0u Ill! What Is the matterr
~'Oh.' walled the girl. my sister
lives In Erie"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

81 always did dislike men who have
no ear for music" said one girl. "and
now / dislike them more than ever.
Charley Nevergo called to see me yes.
terday evning. At eleven o'clock ]
went to the piano"
"And played Heme. Sweet Homer
asked the other girl.
"Yes. First played 1t as q ballad.
He didn't move. Then played 1t as q
waltz. polka and then a ragtime."
"And what did he do?"
HE said, Gracious, Miss Jones, what
a jolly lot of tunes you know? And all
so different!'"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Nne Of Hers

A notable housekeeper OF the past
generation before the days OF screens,
had Just announced with decision that
she never had any flies.
"But, Aunt Augusta" faltered the
timid visitor, ut seems to me that l
saw a few In the diningToom."
"Oh, those" replied her aunt, with Q
majestic wave of the hand, were the
neighbors' flies. They will come in oc-
casionally. But. as ! was saying, we
never have any of our own"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
W A Pine elrd

An Yrfshmaa who wasn't much OF .
hunter went out to hunt 0ns day and
the frst thing he saw 20 shoot at was
. bird sitting seacily on the top Of .
fence. He blasee any and then
walked over 70 pick up ths victim.
What he happened to md thsTs wasfs
dead frog, which he raised at arms
length, LOOKING at II. With . puzzled
air., Finally he remarked: I.
gsWeli. butYe wasss deuce 81 . fofhe
ansking burd besur Oh blew the athers
e& o. yer r.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Mould MOI rarrx LONG

At tn. arst meal on board the ocean
liner Smythe was beginning to feel
like casting his bread upon the waters.
His friends told him that When he be-
gan to feel that way he sfsaslld stuf
himself. He tackled outlet drsb but
it didn't taste right. He observed TO
the waiter: waiter. this outlet isn't
very good"
The waiter looked - his whitening
face, then replied: Eyes. sir: but for
the length OF time you'll ave hit,. sir.
hit won't matter, sir.s
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Tommy Knew

the lesson In history was in pro.
gress and In vain the teacher coaxed
her class to answer. At last she
frightened UP. She had reached the
star pupils of her little class.
"Now, Tommy" she said. MARY fol.
lowed Edward v. and who followed
Mary?"
Yes, Tommy knew that. and his an
swes was swift, ''Her little lamb.
teacher" he shouted. triumDhantly.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Mot Quickly Disposed OF

A scotchman was hired by Q
Cheshire farmer. At breakfast one OF
the famous cheeses Of the country was
set before him. His master LETT the
Scot at table and later, when he ap-
peared for work, said to him:
SANDY, you take long time over
breakfast"
..Troth, MASTER" replied the Scot,
"a cheese o. that size is nae so soon
eaten as we might think"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
WHY Hs RsmaIned

$50 your constituents objected TO
your absence from Washington
"Yes." explained the representative.
Didn't you tell them that your vote
was paired?"
eyes: and they said that they would
see to It that It was pared still more
when came up for reelection"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
His Preferences

"This is a curious old world. II you
have no money you are snubbed; II
you have too much you are investi-
gated"
"yery true. But I had rather be
investigated than snubbed any old
time.v
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Had More Than Enough

Tommy. having disposed OF three
heipings OF sausage and doughnuts. sat
mournfully regarding his empty plate.
Observing his pensive expression.
Aunt Sarah kindly asked: "Tommy.
won't you have some more dough
nuts r.
''fJo'm!* the poor lad replied, with
feeling emphasis. II don't want them
I got now"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Not Wee
The politician said:

The politician said:
"There are some people who are too
impatient and cynical over the matter
of prayer. They arc like little Tommy.
Pa" said little Tommy. 'you know
Jim and Horace? Well. pa. Jim and
Horace say their prayers every night
and ask God to make 'em good boys"
How NICE" said the father. How
very nice"
"But He amt done 1t yet. pa. the
urchin added.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

"Don't you know, Emily, that It IL
not proper for you to turn around and
look after gentleman"
"But. mamma, was only looking to
see If he was looking to see II ! was
looking"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
A fellow named Kent

Failed TO pay his room-rent
And his Landlord called him plenty
then and there
Told him forthwith TO scoot-
Gave him something to boot
And lAadd tthheTe straightway was o roomex
In the air.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Not FIatterlno

'What did johnson say about my
play7"
"He said he certainly felt that he'd
got his moneys worth"
@Huh! / sent the beggar a compli-
mentary ticket"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Real Danger

Stapleton-"That man Midway is q
good deal of milksop; spends his va
cations botanizing and that sort of
thing. Now | like spice OF danger
in my amusements."
Caidecott-"W you and your foot
ball are not in 1t with Midway when
It comes to danger. He discovers new
varieties OF mushrooms and eats
them."-puck.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
a Heartfelt wish

Pedestrian ito beggar)-T have
little money to give you because am
q poet, and what is more, my poems
are not to be published until am
dead Here's ten cents"
Beggar-'L life to ye. SIR"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
SWALLOWING Abilities

Jack-tar-"Ye mightn't believe Il,
but whales have very small mouth"
Landsman-"Yes. I've heard they
wouldn't even be able to swallow half
the stories that are told about them"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
His size

Miss Jaggs-"Is he one Of those
chaps who would sooner be right than
President"
Mr.. Raggs "oh. he is not SO rigid
as that: but think he would sooner
be right than Vice President"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

pepssssir.a Infhlsncs

$50 you don't Ike that professional
optimistf"
"Not much" replied Mr.. Growcher:
there are times when / might forket
my troubles IL he were not constantly
advising me to make q terrible effort
TO cheer up"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

She--"You told me at the seaside
that you were in business for yourself.
and find you clerk In STORE"
He--'I was in business for myself
last summer. / peddled suspenders."
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
ROUGH on Harold

s'My love!"
"Yes, Haroldi"
"What did your mother say when
you told her you were angaged to
met"
'Eaid she knew the silly season was
.a1oat DUE.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
pvzzIed Him

Buddy Boy-Mamma. Bridget called
me the broth Of 9 boy Does that
mean I've been in the soupf
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09
Sure

sCan you kill flies with moth ballsr
asked the boob.
eyes, replied the wise guy, 'but
you've got to be able to throw
straight"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1922-03-09

Subscribe for
THE MONMOUTH INQUIRER
One Dollar q year.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
VERMONT NEWS

The ceremonial and ladies' night of
Mt. Sinai temple, Mobiles of the Mys-
tbs Shrine, held at Montpelier We'd
nesday of last week, was attended by
over 1000 Shriners and ladies.
Washington Lodge No. 46, Knights
of Pythias, was organized at South
Royalton lastfweek when IL members
were initiated. Grand officers and
representatives from several subor-
dinate lodges were present.
The body of Frank L. Underwood
was found in some woods near his
home in South Wallingford last week
with the top of his head blown off
and a .3O-.3O rifle clutched in one
hand. Mr.. Underwood, who was At
years of age, was farmer and the
father of nine children. He had been
missing for "a hours and suicide is
given as the cause of death.
Mrs. George j. Perkins, aged 60,
recently died at her home in Brat
tleboro. Mrs. Perkins was born in
Hardwick March 10, 1862 and was
one of several children of Hiram o.
and Susan (Lowell) Stone. She
was educated at the Hardwick acad-
envy and lived in the town So years,
moving to Brattleboro two years ago.
Mrs. Perkins had been a lifelong
member of the Methodist church in
Hardwick.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Paragraphs About County Doings
(Stanstead (P. o. Journal)

Curtis S. Emery should represent
the city of Newport in the next legis-
lature and be made speaker of the
house.
The Orleans County Fair Associa-
ton has decided to eliminate all gam
bling from it's fair this year. We
have wondered if the world was go
ing to the "bow-wows," but this re-
minds us that possibly the trend of
the moral grade is upward. Orleans
county can well afford to be pace
making in this particular; it is not
the first time it has spoken from
convictions.
1t is fine thing that profession
al man can have hobby and engage
in it to the extent that whatever it's
worthwhile features may be, the par
ticipant may make good at it. Rev.
III. L. Coontz, pastor of the Metho-
dist church, Newport, has made birds
and their life his side-line in study.
photographs taken by himself, are
delightful. This study. of these in
teresting, natural touces in creation,
in the open, humanizes pastoral work.
Of late the states attorney, Albert
Farman OF Newport, has been recelv-
ing many complaints that candy
stores and drug stores have been
abusing the Sunday privileges, con-
sequently Mr.. Farman has written all
that the law must be obeyed. The
proprietor of the Orleans Candy Co.
was recently brought into court for
doing Sunday business. The law was
fully explained and the states attor-
ney said there was no alternative;
selling must be confined to six days
in the week. This is a natural re-
action from wartime extremes. The
department of justice is simply re-
spending to the complaints of law
abiding citizens by law enforcement,
and to the sane citizen this would
seem to be a re-awakening of that
which is best.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

No trace has been found of the liv-
ing person or dead body of William
r. Gay of Granville whose blood
stained and bullet punctured clothing
was found in his touring car about
40 feet from the main road in field
on the Bailey farm at Montpelier
Junction at about 400 o'clock Friday
morning. The discovery was made
by farm hand when he went out to
milk the cows. An empty wallet be-
longing to Mr.. Gay, was also found.
w. III. HI. Stevens, who died last
week at his home in ST. Johnsbury at
the age of 80 years, was messenger
of General II. S. Grant and saw the
historic battle between the Monitor
and Merrimac, although he was never
in battle. He delivered many very
important messages to President Lin
coin from General Grant and, being
badly hurt when thrown from horse
after one of these expeditions to
President Lincoln in the dead of
night, he was placed in a hospital by
Grant and his case received Grant
personal supervision.
C. G. Staples of Brattleboro was
elected grand master of the Grand
lodge I. o. o. F. of Vermont at the
annual session of the Grand lodge in
Brattleboro last week. o. L. Martin
of Plainfield was elected deputp grand
master; Ned c.. Buck of Randolph,
grand warden; Frank w. Jackson of
Barre. grand secretary; L. G. Grant
of Burlington, grand treasurer. The
report of Grand Secretary Frank w.
Jackson of Barre showed total mem
bership of 1898, or a gain of 3O6 in
the year. The largest gain was by
Killington lodge of Rutland.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Vermont's Charm.
Boston Herald)

The deputation of Vermont busl-
ness and hotel men who are going
by automobile to New York to ex-
pound and exploit the advantages of
the Green Mountain commonwealth
as a vacation state, have abundant
warrant to indulge in the uncurbed
exuberanle of the circus poster IN
boosting their goods. Vermont has
mountains and lakes, forests and
streams, good roads for motoring and
good trails for hiking, excellent hotels
of the modern type and first-rate tay-
ems of the old-fashioned sort. More
over, the scenery of Vermont is still
as nature made it; it has not been
manicured and marcelled to the point
of artificiality, and for many lovers
of natural beauty this makes almost
its chief appeal. Nowhere in the
East are the opportunities more
abundant for Wholesome vacation
of the kind that pays large dividends
Of genuine rest and recreation, than
in Vermont. The state will be dis
covered anew one of these days, but
we hope it will not soon become a
professional resort of the sophisticat-
ed kind. It's sturdy-detachment IS
one of it's greatest charms.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Estate of c. p. Jenness
STATE OF VERMONT

District of Orleans, IS.
The Honorable Probate Court for the
District aforesaid:
To all persons interested in the estate
of z. Jenness, late of Barton.i in said
district, deceased,
GREETING;
WHEREAS, said Court has assigned the
14th day of June next for examining and al
lowing the account of the Administrator
cum g s e q m mt o an X o of the
estate of said deceased and for a decree
of the residue of said estate to the lawful
claimants of the same and ordered that
public notice thereof be givento all persons
interested in said estate by publishing this
order three weeks SUCCESSFULLY previous to
the day assigned. in the Orleans County
Monitor, newspaper published at Barton
in said District.
Therefore, you are hereby notified to APP
pear at the Probate officein Newport city in
sale District, at pm. on the day assigned
then and there to contest the allowance
of said account If you see cause, and to es-
tablish your right as heirs. legateeS and
lawful claimants to said residue.
Given under my hand this 18th day of
May. 1922.
1920 e. SMITH. Judge.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Fire Proof Roofs.
(St. Adams Messenger)

The state is thankful that the city
of Newport escaped the destruction
of fire which threatened it. But In
the experience there is lesson. 1t
is the menace of the wooden single.
High winds scattered sparks all over
Newport and MANY roofs were on
fire at once. The danger would have
been far less were the use OF ire
nroof shingles common. Some COM
munities have begun the elimination
of the ordinary roof. They are de-
manding that thew be constructed of
fire-proof materials. Such chance
can not be BROUGHT about all at once.
of course. but there can be steadv'
prouress toward a condition of safe
roofing. The use of ordinary SHINGLES
should he prohibited on new construc-
ton. while all re-roofing should be the
non-infammable kind Then the dav
would arrive wnon such situations as
that which threatened to clean out
Newport would not arise.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Vermont as Nature Made Her.
PHILADELPHIA Enauirer)

Vermont has long felt that it was
overshadowed by the fame of New
Hampshire among summer tourists,
and it has undertaken at last to adj
vertise itself effectively.
There is no state in the East, to be
sure. with as many physical beauties
as Pennsylvania. But even Pennsyl-
vanians naturally like to- see other
parts of the country, and to them
Vermont may well appeal.
The comparative neglect from which
it has suffered has at least done much
to keep it from being spoiled.
The Green Mount~ins are little
touched by the hand of man and the-r
have a quiet lovliness to which the
White mountains can lay no claim
New Han1nshlre ike Switzerland.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

Clifford Pinchot won political hon
ors in Pennsylvania as an indepen-
dent candidate. The independent
man or woman in politics is coming
into his own as the younger men and
the woman voter is beginning to
speak. In Vermont last year and in
Pennsylvania now, the women are
said to have given the verdict. We
are glad the women are taking adj
vantage of their voting rights and it
is only hoped that the thousands OF
women who did not register last year
will do so at the coming election and
speak their convictions in no uncer-
tain terms for issues in which they
believe.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

self, has been injured by too many
efforts to improve upon nature.
In its chief centers of summer pop
ulation the atmosphere is "citified'
and fashionable.
Vermont still remains much as ma
ture made it.
Moreover, the Vermonters have not
yet learned how to exploit the strang-
er and wiring the last cent out of him.
They are kindly hospitable folk, and
even the poorest of them refuse to ac-
cept reluctantly payment for favors.
Killington, Pico, Shrewsbury, Mans
field, Cancels Hump, and other Green
Mountain peaks should become much
more familiar to the world outside of
Vermont than they now are.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
COMMISSIONERS NOTICE
Estate of Ida A. Hannant

by the Honorable Probate Court for the
District of Orleans. Commissioners, to re-
ceive. examine, and adjust the claims and
demands of all persons against the estate of
Ida A. Hannantlate of Irasburg in said Dis
trict, deceased, and all claims exhibited In
Offset thereto, hereby give notice thatwewill
meet for the purpose aforesaid at the Lost
Office In Irasburg, VT, in the town of
Irasburg in said District on the Sth day of
June andSth day ofOct. next, from 10 O'Clock
a. M. until 3 o'clock o. m. on each of
said days, and that six months from the 5th
day of May, A. ID. 1922, is the time limited
by said Court FOR said creditors to present
heir claims to us for examination and al
lowapce.
Dated at Irasburg, VT, this 18th day of
May A D., 1929
ID. A. BRAHANA,
O. ID. BAILEY,
2I-93 Commissioners
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Gardner, a Gentleman Lacquer.
Barre Times)

Another of those cold men" of base
ball is our Vermonter.. Larry Gard
ner, of Enosburg, who, starting. his
18th season in the big show has WELD
ed his bat with such undimmed eye
and prodigious vigor that he has a
batting average up around the top of
the mercury. along with Iris Speaker.
Ty Cobb and other luminaries of
league baseball. If Larry Gardeners
unknown friends back in Vermont
could add their bit of elbow grease
he would be batting around 800. At
any rate, they are boosting hard for
this sturdy type of the basemall gen
tleman. They would like to see him
round out 20 years of league base
ball because of the, good influence a
fellow. like that has on the game.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Commissioners Notice
Estate of Artemas B. Larrabee

The undersigned, having been appointed
by the Honorable Probate Court for the
District of Orleans, COMMISSIONERS, to
receive, examine, and adjust the claims and
demands of all persons against the estate OF
Artemas b. Larrabee late of Bart on in said
District, deceased and all claims exhibited
Will meetfor the purpose aforesaid. at the
home of s. t. Vance in the town OF
Glover in said District on the 18th day
OF June and 10th day of Nov. next, from
2 O'Clock d. m. untfi4 O'Clock d. M on each
OF said days and that six months from the
18th day of Lay A. D., 1929 is the time linn
tied by said Court for said creditors to pre-
sent their claims to us for examination and
allowance
Dated at Glover, VT. this 10th day of
May a. D.. 1922.
GIL. YOUNG,
G.. l.. NUTTING,
2I-23 Commissioners.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
MIR. Wide Awake
Farmer
Raise Corn This Year

We have everything you need to
make corn raising easy and sue
cessful. The best plows, harrows,
corn planters, -eultivators and
weeders. Bradley's Corn Phos-
plate to give your seed the right
start, and, best of all we have
Pyrox to coat your seed with be-
fore planting. Crows will not eat
seed which has been coated with
Pyrox, moles, field mice and black
birds will not touch it either. The
dry corn quickly absorbs the mois-
ture of the Pyrox and after five or
ten minutes the kernels will not
stick together, but will go through
the planter as readily as untreated
kernels.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
Kirby Woman Lives to Be 100.
(Rrattleboro RefOrmer)

One more Vermont centenarian to
add to the list is Mrs. Philena Drown
of Kirby, who observed her Tooth
birthday last Monday. Although Mrs.
Drown was born in New Hampshire
she came to Vermont when very
small girl and it has been her home
ever since. When asked the secret
of her long life she replied: eve
worked hard, but have taken good
care of myself. When I was tired |
rested and I've had plenty of good
Vermont air." These are simple and
sensible rules that might bring long
life to plenty of other Vermonters if
followed.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
HOW'S THIS7

HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE will
do what we claim for it-rid your system
of Catarrh or Deafness caused by
Catarrh.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE con-
sistS of an Ointment which Quickly
Relieves the catarrhal Inflammation, and
the Internal Medicine, a Tonic, which
acts through the Blood on the Mucous
Surfaces, thus assisting to restore nor
NAL conditions.
Sold by druggists for over 40 Years.
T. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, o.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
PRESSGPPINGS
Vermont Women Will Be Heard From
burlington Free Press)

burlington Free Press)
A frequent remark in connection
with the victory of Clifford Pinchot in
the Pennsylvania governor fight is,
.The Women Did It" The women of
Vermont are also thoroughly alive to
the work of those who would like to
drive them out of public affairs. Keep
your eyes on the women of Vermont
in the state and local campaigns.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

We call attention to letter print
ed in another column of this paper
from F. M. Kimball, formerly of
Barton, who speaks about Vermont
matters. Whether one agrees with
him politically or not Mr.. Kimball al
ways gives sound advice and every
reader is urged to peruse his letter.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

This section of the Green Noun
tain range is to have three watch
men for forest fires. w. T. Corley is
located in Westmore, L. T. Kinsley
in Belvidere and III. F. burlington in
Burke. This has come to be a recog-
nized service of great value for the
preservation of our wooded sections.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24

The Vermont State Fair commits
sion has lost valuable member in
the resignation of E. N. Connal of
Newport Center. 1t is hoped Gov
ernor Hardness will find an equally
good man from this county to take
Mr.. ConnaPs place.