Licking Valley courier., 1922-10-05
TRADE the "KIDS"
How New Yorker Would Eradi-
cate Sin From Youngsters.
Brilliant Idea Came to Him as Result
of Interview With Mothers of
Future Citizens.

The New York apartment house Is
an excellent laboratory in which to
study life and evolve profound theo-
rles, observes a New York Sun writer.
For instance, there was the resident
who came down to his office one day
last week and announced he had dis
covered a sure and simple scheme for
extracting sinfulness from young
children. He said that he had stum-
bled upon his epOchal idea one eve-
ming while going through the apart
ment with a petition to have the dumb
waiter repaired.
Five out of seven families in his
apartment contain children. 1t was
eight o'clock as he made his round,
that time Of the day when mothers,
their morale weakening, contemplate
the bedlamite carrying on of their
young ones and allow their minds to
dwell mOrbldly on such subjects as
hysteria, alteration and fever Of the
brain.
Mrs. Jones came to the door in the
frst-hoor apartment and signed the
petition; but 1t was probable she did
not know what she was signing, for
three small boys were playing steam
calliope in the hall behind her and
conversation was virtually impossible.
When she tried to read the paper for
herself she could not concentrate.
After staggering through a line or
two she gave up, putting her hand to
her brain and crying, "DOn't blame
! this hullabalOo on my children Blame
1t on that awful Smith boy THE red
headed one he always puts 'em up
to something like this. If he was
mine I'd educate him with bed slat."
The man went up a floor. Mrs.
Smith signed his paper, too. But she
had hard time doing it, because two
little. girls in the room were yanking
each others hair out and she was try
ing to call an armistice with her left
hand while she wrote with her right.
Done writing, she turned and pried
the two enemies apart, took one OF
them to the elevator, rang the bell and
told her to go right home and stay
home.
"That little Jones girl" she Grated,
coming back, 'ls going to grow up a
female anarchist and get deported to
Russia. If she was my child I'd get
a barrel stave and-and try to stave 1t
off,"
On the third floor Mrs. Ferguson
said: "Of course, I'll sign 1t. Have
you" Then a riot burst out behind
her She whirled around. Three young
ladies were playing dolls. But they
were not using dolls. they were using
cat And the cat had got to the
end Of her rope. She had endured
having q sunbOnnet on her head and
shoes laced on her feet and corset
bound round her abdomen, but when
her three parents had decided that
she was sick and put her to bed and
begun to pour castor oil through q
funnel into her throat she had quit
she had risen up and used her claws
and teeth in self-defense.
Mrs. Ferguson shouted dramatically
at one of these young ladies'. "Jas
J mine Foster, II were your mother
! rd-Td-leave this apartment before
J l lose control Of myselfW
The man went up one more foo
and came to the Foster place. Blu
I before he could ring the bell, the dool
, burst open and a little boy catapultet
out into the hall as II he had beeI
shot out with cannon.
"Do you know what that-that Fer
guson demon was doing?' raved Mrs
Foster, with her first words. "He wa
I playing shoot the chutes down the lii
of my grand planor
Z Then the agonlzed woman walled
, "0h, II l could only get the chance I
I mother that-that blackguard for jus
n one ay!-just one solitary, little
: twenty-four-hour day"
And then the man went downstalr'
, evolving his great idea-congres
should pass law compelling ever
. mother to trade children with anothe
, mother one day in every week.