davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

djinn In his heart as to be Ietter-perrect
Now it CHANGED that many of the leaders
of the faith from the barbarous portions Of
the realm over which Will desired to rule
heard the clamor of Corners Bey and, draw
ing near, questioned him. And to them
Conners Bey spake as one wound I'D and
garanteed to run for eight days, yet con-
vinced he them not, but rather stirred their
wrath to greater heat against the man OF
whom he sang. When he told OF this to the
Sheik al Islam, Will smiled and spake,
saying:
"Let these scoffers appear before me and
all shall be wells
who had declared themselves hostile to will
ibn Hearst were summoned before him, look
ing fearfully over their shoulders as they
came. Then, when they had appeared, smiled
the Sheik Ill Islam upon them and snake,
saying:
What think ye, mobiles all, of the clamor
raised by the great and good Corners Bey
that consent to rule over this Iand7o
Then fell silence upon the guests till
one replied:
Great sheik, tain't fttin' that church
member should say sech things out loud, but
if 1t be thy will will whisper to thee what
we think Of it,
And the Sheik III Islam smiled graciously
once more and gave permission, whereat he
who had spoken whispered. And the burden
OF hin whispering war such that the ear Of
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

human nature Is the fact that 50 many can
receive tips without being injured thereby.
Their souls remain untouched. The hat check
man passes his tip on to the company that
controls this method Of silent extortion. He
benefits not, and the tip soils him not. When
he Is the exception to rule and really does
get the tip himself he is the same man. Be-
cause in itself the custom is so widespread his
independence is not damaged.
And yet In country districts this sense Of
independence, or, rather, Of equality, as
have pointed out, is very pronounced. The
moment one steps into the interior, away frem
the big cities (except it be, of course, at SUM
n1er or winter resorts) the tip is likely to be
resented. The mattresses at country hotels
accept tips withl the air of those who are will
ing only because the guest is inferior. The
local people who live there would ba quite
beyond the pale should they offer tip.
And the other extreme Is the Washington
guide. This shameless creature, ike the Har-
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10
Whom to tip and hour much, lUhen to tip and
Uhen not to; these, for Americans, are perpet-
uaI puzzles---except in this City OF NelO York
BY THOMAS L. MASON
Illustrations by Douglas Ryan
By THOMAS L. MASON
Illustrations by Douglas Ryan

cellent business man. I was rather forced in
these trying circumstances to pay his bill,
matter of SIC. ] then asked him IL he had
any security for the loan of the hundred
Certainly, sab, dare's de cab
"Why not see the president of the bank?"
suggested.
'fYaas. sab, but, yo see, sab, I haven't got
no account dare"
It mattered not that the cab was already
mortgaged. tEdlg ah sSttgs'
It all comes back TO tips. Even my friend
the taxi driver was infected with the thought.
If he had only opened an account in the bank
Federal Reserve, and he might have got
his hundred. He has, SO far as I know, an
admirable character, and as Mr.. Morgan once
observed, character is collateral
/ didn't let him have the hundred, but as
he went out 1t occurred to me that he might
mail letter for me. But my daughter called;
Aren't you going to give him something?"
so I was forced to ask him to come back and
deposited quarter In his dusky palm for the
privilege of his depositing 2-cent stamp.
The next day he confided to me at the station
that he had secured his loan from noble
friend, and bore me no hard feeling, either
for my refusal or for my quarter. Thus it
appears to be an established principle of con-
duct that one may tip ones taxi driver in
ones home town, but not ones boot polisher
or ones barber.
In New York City, however, the affair Is
altogether different Here we enter upon a
vast tipping world, or it might be called even
a miniature tipping universe. Is there any one
in New York, indeed, who cannot be tipped?
Or, to put it in another way, Is there any one
SO high in the commercial scale who has not
over him somebody who may at any moment
hand him tip? Yet, in spite of this un-
doubted fact, it becomes fine point of dis
elimination to know who and when and how
much to tip. There is place where one may
obtain clean towel for the price Of 5 cents.
Should one tip the functionary who hands it
over? And what is the difference in percent
age, If any, between luncheon counter and
a restaurant where one sits down in a chair
instead Of clinging almost frantically to a
volvng stool? Once, at one Of these practical
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

WITH presently glowed a brilliant scarlet
Now when this was ended, sought the Sheik
ul Islam in his mind for the incantation given
him by the djinn and discovered that the
words spoken by the hostile one had driven
forth the charm SO that no memory of it
remained, though he strove valiantly to re-
cover it.
And he wrestled) nightly with himself,
striving to recover that which was lost, but
all that he now retained was the memory of
the words just spoken and a smarting ear,
And though he lay all night long with an
ice bag upon the injured member, vet the
sInartlng remained and the words Of magic
returned to him not
And in the morning Will arose and. call
ing his secretary, sent forth broadcast through
the land statement, saying:
II am not a candidate, but the Csiinb Hu-
Ian is he who should be chosen to rule over
this land"
Yet even as he wrote the voica of Connars
Bey sounded through the streets and bazaars
crying:
"Yea bol willi for Governor. va win,
illah Allah"
Then sought the Sheik ul Islam to silence
the voice OF Conners Bey, but he, under the
i iA0ssAe " eil0 uJluu, CrleU Only the louder.
And the more Will claimed that he was not a
candidate and the more the people of the faith
agreed with him, the more shouted Conners
Bey his message, undaunted
Yet day and night sought Will to recover
the words Of magic to no avail, though hosts
rose up to overwhelm him end the Ernir Ha
roun al Smith made warlike gesturea as
though to lead them in battle. And ever and
anon the voice Of Corners Bey, crying aloud
his message, sounded through ths land.
And though in his desperation Will ibn
Hearst shouted ever the louder that he was
not candidate and loathed the thought of
ruling the people, vet Conners Bey shouted
still louder so that none might quell him.
Then sought the Sheil ul Islam sorcerers
and the wiseacres and strove TO obtain from
them either the magic that he had lost or
means Of shutting up Conners Bey. And they
spake to hin saying: Behold but one thing
preventeth victory from perching on thy ban
& ners.'
Whereat the Sheik ul islam asked: Sand
what is that?"
10 which they replied, "The fact that there
are not a million more Conners Beys or one
fewer Will ibn Hearsts.''
And above their prophecy sounded the voice
Of Corners Bey, shouting:
Victory percheth upon the banners Of
righteousness, va Will illah Allahr'
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

season and give HIS patrons their moneys
worth.
But TO return to the bootblack, and also to
ones barber and ones taxi driver, is 1t not q
test OF ones standing In ones own home
townassuming that the home town be q
small one--as to the tips that one must give
or must not give-to these functionaries7 The
gentleman who polishes my shoes in my own
home town Is the father Of fine family Of
five. His daughters and sons might easily
nlingle with my own on the same pedagogical
basis. Certainly he does not expect tip
from me, and il I should offer him one no
doubt ne is SO consderate as to accept it with
due graciousness Yet things might never be
the same between US. We vote side by side.
A common destiny confronts US. AS for the
barber, bowing as I do to his superior wis.,
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

dom twice month, to offer him g tip would
be like trying to bribe the Mayor; yet may
do so to his assistant without undergoing re-
morse. as@3s a ss$gFs3s vi d i ssal lss,ssl
The other day my home town taxi man did
me great honor. He is colored gentleman
of the new school. He needed a hundred
dollars--otherwise his cab would be taken
away from him. He was paying for it on the
installment plan--very much, indeed, as
Henry Ford runs his business--and the In
stallment was now past due. He said his
misunderstanding myself-owed him in
the aggregate much more than the amount Of
the installment. He had made special (free)
trip to my house, using up good gasoline and
tires, to collect his bill and to borrow the
extra hundred. He was undoubtedly an ex-
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

lem goat, will absorb anything. It must be
said of him, however, that in return he is no
niggard, there being apparently no limit to
the amount Of misinformation he Is willing to
supply.
In smart country places, where week-enders
are the order Of the day and night, there is
more or less practical schedule. One may
scarcely afford to give less than flyer to a
butler. Two dollars for maid is not exces-
sive. certain proportion Of ones winnings
at bridge is, however, not considered good
form. The results are too uncertain Thoss
who wait upon the rich are really profession
ais. Their own incomes are steady. They do
not believe in speculation; they see overmuch
Of 1t. They prefer their tips as their employ
ers like to receive dividends-Ynoderate If
necessary, but regular.
Dare it be said that when you blow in money
on your best girl you are in reality tipping
her? And in times Of matrimonial stress is
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

", LIZ sOOCnSayeIS ana mdSl Allp
N-H draw near. Wizards and astrolo-
IL e. gers and those among ye skilled in
the reading of oracles and the
telling Of dreams, who speak with demons
and hail afrites and djinni by their first
names, give to a tale Of mighty magic,
even the tale of the spell bestowed upon the
Sheik ul Islam Will ibn Hearst; of the incan-
tation made Herewith and what befel thereby.
For it came to pass in the land where the
Faith f1ourisheth and the faithful grow fat
that there dwelt great lord hight Will of
the tribe of Hearst. And his wisdom was
such that he himself conceded it and caused
it to be published broadcast daily in certain
journals of his own. And nought exceeded
his wisdom in depth and vastness unless it
were his ambition or the friendship that rose
between him and Corners Bey, whereby
hangs this tale.
Now it chanced that on certain day the
Sheik ul Islam safe in his own place and
pondered on many things beyond the under
standing of most men, and as he pondered,
behold there came great light before his
eyes and there stood before him djinn who
spake, saying:
Aye, great sheik, thou canst be lord of
this land if so thou wishest."
And Will looked upon the visitor and re-
piled in alarm:
81 said nought"
To which the genie gave answer: tsNay
but thy mind is q book in which j may read
thy inmost thought. Now behold, the years
that thou hast labored among the people Of
earth and the things that thou hast accom-
plished have caused high merriment In Par
disc, where dwell the houris and the souls Of
the brave. And am messenger from these
and bear herewith an incantation as reward
Tor thee for the amusement thou hast
afforded. And it shall be that when thou
hast whispered this incantation into the ear
Of man thy dearest wish shall be granted.
Take it, therefore, and use it as thou pleasest
and become ruler Of this realm, as thou has
for SO many years desired"
And Will ibn Hearst inclined his ear to the
dlinn and received from his lips the words of
mighty magic, and when he looked again the
visitor had vanished and in his place stood
servant OF his own household announcing:
"The noble Conners Bey desireth audience
with thee"
And when the visitor was admitted his voics
was sad and his countenance as bleak and
hopeless as fusion headquarters the day after
election, and he spake dolorously, saying:
20 Sheik, thou hast asked that sound -tba
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

W TO, YE soothsayers and magt all.
- draw near. Wizards and astrolo-
IL H. gers and those among ye skilled in
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10


THAT amt my experience. Light an often
suits me, an no pie fer breakfast, unless
maybe It's beefsteak pie. When / was
workin' at the old place never wanted no
more Ger breakfast that maybe three or four
fried eggs-both sides--an' some bacon an
fried potatoes an maybe corn cakes an coffee;
just somethin' light like that.
ITO my mind, brain workers, like doctors
an bartenders, oughta eat light breakfasts
It stands TO reason they don't need SO much
fuel as pick and shovel men, not workin' so
much with their hands, but mostly with their
heads.
eNow, I've noticed them Italians that does
lotta diggin' must eat pretty heavy break
fasts You always smell onions on 'em when
you come down with 'ern in the subway, an
onions fer breakfast is heavy, without they're
liver an onions, which, of course, is different.
Onions I don't hardly ever eat fer breakfast.
don't think brain worker needs 'em.
e'Doctors hadn't oughta meddle so much
with what folks eat, anyhow. Some eats one
thing an some another, an it stands to
reason they know how much of kick they
get from different things better than what
any doctor, lookin' on from the outside, could
tell 'em.
eff this here doctor likes lemon pie an
onions an such-like heavy victuals fer break
fast, why that's all right; it's prohly wha$ he
needs an there won't no bartender try to
tell him different, but he hadn't oughta try to
make all US brain workers eat like him.
Snow, there's some felas that always
drank Scotch insteada whisky, but never
used to tell 'em they hadn't oughta poison
up their systems that way, though it was my
business to know more about booze than what
they did ] never used to say a word,
though-just got out the old pinch-sided bot
tie an showed It across at 'enn.
"A bartender's more liberal minded than
wrat a doctor is, because he's got more
patients an they're more confidential with
him. A bartender gets TO know his clients,
an all doctor aims to do Is TO find out
what aiis 'em or what he thinks he can make
'em believe aila 'em.
sfMost doctors Is on the level, but all bar-
tenders Is. They gotta be. It don't get 'em
nowhere to sell man whisky when he wants
Scotch, but lotsa men feel kinda proud when
what they thought was corn turns out to be
appendicitis.
sThey figure anybody can have a corn but
appendicitis is more distinguished But you
take an tell fella that comes in an says
Scotch that what he really wants is whisky
an he's Liable to get sore.
"An' he's got right to get SORE. He knows
what he wants. He wants Scotch. The bar
tender he knows the fella knows what he wants
better than what he does an he gives him
Scotch.
SHOW know what want fer breakfast
just somethin' light, like what said. But You
sea them doctors amt so liberal minded. They
think they know what want better than do.
Brain workers. had Sughta be liberal minded
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10
because the suesf is their infeyio,

the peace offering that you tender vo,,. -.
TO be regarded as tip7 The difYen.n~. ~ ~
tween bribe and a tip is thus pls;rIr a.
Gated. A bribe Is bargain, pure and s,,,-l- .''
But tip is something added on. q /. =
price we pay for knowing what Is tt,s ,,.,ts
thing to do. Thus your best girl rpav ~. -.
you, even If you stop to consider the expenss
but It is the little touch Of extrava1anca <
the end that makes the affair a peryonaI an.
The truth is that love is impersonaI. Love
love. The subjects ere incidental to o,
great fact. But when you take the troubls !
the case Of your sweetheart, to send her son.,
thing superfuous, that ia Just between vss
two. And 80 with ones wife. Here ora I
on perfectly safe ground. No matter whsss,
the tip Is small or large 1t is never receha
with any sense OF Misunderstanding or se,.
tumeiy. 1t is like the pennies that ers put d
the baby's bank. Be they one CT many, shes
are no hard feelings.
AS for st. Peter, If we finally succsed ii
passing his scrutiny, probably the most tai
one can do would be to tip him with d zosd
deed, there being no other currency eursns
in that realm. And In this respect Peter mag b.
and probably Is, very much like the hat che,s
man. No doubt he accepts, with bow and ]
smile, minor good deed tilus offered az !
gracious tip, and-when there are enough 4
them to make It worth while-passes them d
up to headquarters
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10
MARTY ORDERS
BREAKFAST
By Robert B. Peck

ky SEE the doctors has decided that us
brain workers oughta eat heavy
breakfasts" said Marty McMahon,
New-York tribune., 1922-09-10

w--N Or many weeks now have been strug-
20 Cling with this frightful doubt that
n arises every time get my shoes pol
ished as to whether shall give the
pedalian artist an extra cents or not. Five
cents is the smallest tip that one may well
give; &c seems undignided to descend TO such,
low economic measures; yet to give 10 cents
II tip Of 100 per cent. Regarded on the
percentage basis, this seems excessive al
though perhaps not to be measured with the
tips given by the government during the War
TO profteers
Then, again, do these gentlemen at the sign
OK the brush and the canton flannel expect
anything2 have tried to fathom their faces.
In it Sair to corrupt them? And, indeed, can
it be said corrupting process which is in
dulged in by the majority7 have friend
who tells admirable stories. Otherwise his
interior mental resources are meagre, and so
he is tipped with good dinner, the tipping
consisting largely in his being sent home
akterward in the car Of the host. Presuna-
bly, the dinner itself can be set down as ade-
quate payment for the stories, especially as
he has q double set, 30 that he may be In
vited to the same dinner table twice In one
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-01-13


am p ycnrn old weigh lJ'
r.uid- . mn troubled With hrhu
u,.I,, nud nIn worry nrIN"un hnEo
hrrm udvincd Ihnr II VIII car" III" W t"'
married Now In. IIubur. d" you thlnk
Il could 10 the nrrvcr TINT """'d u" ,"'
,,uro or my u"uhle. nnd do You think
married llro would euro m"i = ~"
not nunid Of rrttIuE married. hut l
,uIv ,urLc duIIarr wrok and do not
fccl ~ though | could maintain homo
Auswrr..I. Your weight Ia about
right. . You need thorough 'Nhinl J.
milton to earn II you NJ" really F'cR
(pcrhapp permanently or whether So"
uro inst tCmpcrnmcntnl and tc"''y
good Young follow who has lost hl'Grip
On himself All I have against you 80
far is that you hHvn failed 10 enclose
n s"lf-ad,lrcsscd envelope. j SuCh an
examination Is vastly important because
YOU introduce the quest 'on or marriage
whether that Will cure YOU. nut sup
pose il doesn't. would Ao% lie so mean
a man as to put upon charming young
lady tho chance OF losing all tho good
ness and lovcl'uesH' of life 10 which
bride is entitled Sometimes the "ppo-
site proposition iH put TO ne. A moih"r
writes that heT daughter has many Ills
and would marriage cure her OF those
nIsl | don't know. II might and II
,utuht not Hut what Ir II Should not
and What IT ii y"ums man entitled to a
fair uulluuk tor happiness should, With
nuI being IuI".uu,d ~ II marry " VIE
uL,Iy 10 lr LnIIcn, "a WHO lIkrB I" lie
si.kIy nmd n"t'ioi. 4" him all hr' It" y"i
1 I,unI Iilnh ~ marriage "'llI 5"" "'e
ns w,II "a "so' " '''"" "a" L." - VII
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-01-13

A Letter. friend who We inter"Et'd iu
what had ~ say Rbolt tho fo''y "i
r,,t,rv the halu or mite JcalouHl's 20
rrr,n'roIled, wantR I" know "h"t
mink ahout the old question OF "hHtncr
Jealousy can exist without love.
SUPPOSE il depends on 'pst what y""
lr1r.n by seal0ufN
In my BIZ dictionary find this d"hn-
t,ion o. tn. wo-d jealous; Apprc
bensiyp: uneasy through fear that So"d
,.ir interest. affection or the like. re-
,,,,rd,d ~ h.luu..nE t. oneself. Is trans
fersrd L. another. pairc" 10y suspicious
az nrnfrrrucr given I" another
Ones Vanity Might 30 Touched.
N,ouId one ui!uT IL" IuSh or affection
,r nm, di1 not luy" th" wHrty from "I""'
,,os received rh!s a!f' ton
.uupuse II would he p1an'h.e ''
.,.1 h.r.ua. ones vanity would l."
,,reh,d and | belize, th'i 'hi' hI"h "'
,..,,nn,y does eNISt iut d" not ihi"'
:, si,h,r So .9n.n"n az %" poignant
a. irc "tH~i Hind.
70 =. fuuLo. tat" i"o t"'"iI'"' 80"
,,Sve.r, vE~.e I'"t"ihy ""h '"'" IL
..t,i t..,ts.. d.sh sI""' l'"I""A
-, ,i., ,u, i"so tI,", t""1 ~I'h u
.t,., 30 r,."ts. than ~" h's" 'h"' h"'
o." I""I"""s
NO.. ~ ALL L"vs Th~" L"r. J."
I.-I""sy
a,nI. y q" I".l"""y, "N1'
,,.,,h,f.u,s,.ld iho,. /, ,"''~ ~ a"IT
love ,hsn l,rr :" """'h.' RI" bic"
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-01-13
The New Generation
LOAN SELLS A STORY AND COOKS A MEAL
BY Jans Phelps

~ wonderful bear n hundi"h ""'"'r".
II In IA urrat aud H!ori"uH feeling,
Mum-ir. TO earn money d"h Ih'"n
hsCnuan Of tho money. but h"'H"N" ~
rnRkca you feel No H"rt at r'"nt III S""f
rolf. | don't car" wh""p Tor III"
money mean wouldn't II | h'"" '"
INV rent and eat, but | Il" ear" that
can cam tt. thut hay" proved I" my
nrIr Was capable or doing H"u"ihinS
bcaldeN spend Il"
Thank you for nay luncheon. dear u
wus worry ui,- m ho down again Ia
day at two. II y"u have any THU ready
before. call ~" az. "m delighted |"
help"
',.u"d old Mumnlo loan kssed her
f"udly
",.u"d ola mumnIo'" nho 'oro"t'd
auor tho d""I ,l"Hod
Il have an Idon that thin work az
Inan's 10 p"lnr /" mako us better f'I""h"
n,nn rnyiilnu olrs could hnvo d""".
MerEa,oi told Cr"lg f"r'oS,or "Hho 10
wIrirno that phnII holr hor. ""h that
ia "A ~nndorruI conc opHlnn f"r hot.
II don't snn II Ihut why i"u Gun
holm ,p- by marrying no any tlma you
nho
'Eho 80, olvod check Tor ElOO ih'7
morning rnr M article Thlnk OF ",
craig. that ,hIld cunning 500. am n"
proud at hcr. nrcu't your
"Of course | nin. | expect I" bo hnr
step father. you know.
And ahr cooked my luncheon. ana u
wns lovely and sho SnyS aho l0r"s To
have mo help correct her manuscript
and oh, l am 10 happy over hor-that
things havo turned out 80 well!'
she can't live forever on $500.
"pon't bc klll-joy This artlcl" shc
Is doing is even better than tho one she
sold, and that editor asked for more. she
will succeed NIL right. or course II Will
tnke time. but I was 70 afraid she would
fail md be discouraged. yet stll keep
Mt Il like those people down In the viii
lage do-so many OF them. always hop
Ing to do something worth while. but
never doing It.
"I wonder what she might say II
asked her II I might marry your
Don't You dgre. Craig Forester! II
! YOU upset that girl now Ill never marry
you. never
THE apple cart shall remain right
, side up. would not UPSET II Tor the
/ world"
Tomorrow Joan Keeps Her PROMISE
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-01-13
SIDE TALKS
by Ruth Cameron
CAN JEALOUSY EXIST WITHOUT LOVE?

ost and greatest love would wish the
happiness OF it's uhi"ct moro than any
thing else on earth. even n that happl-
ness should be found In the love OF an
other
can hear the cynlc asking II such a
love ever really existed. ] suppose no
means between the sexes. Surely moth
erS have often loved that way.
Mothers Often, Lovers Onco In . Hue
And / have faith 10 believe that hus-
bands or wives sometimes have. | do
not mean that one would not suffer In
tcnse!y to SEQ someone else put IN one
place But might not one rise above
the suffering to Il height from which
ono could feet thrl all was we'll ir tho
loved one was happy:
Their. IL IA Wonderful lille poem by
Sara Teasduie which describes such u
'"IiitiDu. | think II IL one Of tho most
pulsnant niue ISriCs ever written.
have often wondered how Iho los ln.u
r"sIns al T0nrh" ,ouId lao any moro
"i,d', fuI hope enc T my reader
fII"aL7 wIiI I"No itir az ,iii'h / dn
'Iu'h" fiOi" ".S'""iy5