davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

liver and anon the hardy
r male Of this age sinks into
a comfortable state Of coma,
during which he believes that he
Is all TO the salad. He can think
Of no particular in which he is very
wrong. The world Is his persim-
mon. He is riding on It's rim In
a tufted Rolls limousine, smoking
q forty-csnt cigar and receiving
the plaudits Of the multitude. He
Is q regular guy-perfection Itself.
And 80 he snoozes and dreams on.
But not for long. Somebody
wakes him up with q start. 1t is
generally some sort Of q scientist
who brings MIN back to the cold
realities of life. The expert takes
an invoice Of the perfect male of
the species, and his itemiZed report
to civilization includes enough
faults to last the United States
Shipping Board several years.
Just recently a good many men
particularly the young, romantic
ones) have been rather we'll salts
fed with themselves. They have
even written articles, from the
viewpoint Of experts, on the sub
jeet Of love. These articles have
p .yrd in magazines and news
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
From Here
and There
Generous.

Generous.
THE minister was admonish-
L ing the village lively one.
'"You ought not to spend all
your wages, George" George
retorted that he did not.
"No?" queried the minister,
suspiciously.
'No, sir" said George II
make it q rule never to spend
more'n two-thirds of my
wages on no account what
ever"
"Well, WELL" said the min
lister, pleasantly, "you put the
rest in the bank, ] suppose!"
NO" said George; II put It to
better use than that. I give It to
he wife to keep house on"
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Not Particular.

IN the eve of their wedding day
" the lovers were indulging In
those solemn self disclosures which
such an occasion invites. He had
told her of his faults and short
eomings, and had received an
ample absolution. She was en-
gagged in revealing her true inner
most self, and he found nothing
needing forgiveness.
- "But, my dear, ] haven't told
YOU the very worst" she said. 81
am a somnambulist."
"Oh, don't worry about that,
he replied, with an easy, chivairous
air. my father was a methodist
and my mother q baptist, and I'D
just a. soon GO To your church a
any othsrr
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Heard Along
Broadway
Efficiency.

THE traveller in card indexes
had succeeded in selling his
elaborate system to a business
firm. 1t was wonderful. They
indexed everything from the
top to the bottom of their
business. II they wanted to
know how many square yards
Of calico they sold in an hour,
or the number of times the
elevator boy went up and
down in a day, they could find
Il In a minute from the cards.
A month later the traveller
called and saw the manager.
"Well," he asked, "how's Il
index working"
Splendid" was the reply. 'Tt
absolutely magnificent. We real
know now what we're doing
every department"
"I'm delighted to hear tn
you're satisfied" said the travelle
SLOWS business"
"Oh, business" said the ma
ager, with a wave of the han
"We haven't time for any bui
ness; we give it all to the index
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Which One3

THE aspiring amateur had given
an imitation of q celebrated
actor who was present at the per
formance. Afterward the amateur
succeeded In getting an introdue-
ton.
Ibid you see my imitation Of
you, sir7" he asked, ingratiat-
ingly.
"Yes, / saw It."
"And," persisted the aspiring
youth, may l not ask you to rive
me your verdict on the excellence
and fidelity Of my art as disclosed
in the i'm mpersonation of YOURSELF"
"Well, one Of US is rotten" was
the reply.
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

distance, leaving . trail OF sparks,
and you arc as fat ss 9 balloon
that Is punctured by . church
steeple.
Old Man Science was repre-
ssnted on this visit by. one Of his
best-known understudies, q man of
parts, DR.. Bernard Hollander, q
psychosnalyst, who can take psy-
oho-analysis apart and put It to-
gethsr again without having any
part left over. Said hei
"When we love as monkeys do,
we will be nearer perfect monog-
amy. We have much
to learn from the lower orders of
nature. Among anthropoid apes,
for instance, you have an almost
perfect instance of single attach
ment between male and female"
We do not desire to be regarded
as opposing DR.. Hollander in the
psychoanalytic manifestations Of
the average male in his love max
ing. Scientifically. the doctor
doubtless is right in his premise,
but having observed love making
in the raw we believe the young
man of to-day can make love like
a monkey.
He not only can do Il, but he
does do u We have sean soma
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Can You Make Love Like a Monkey?

Old Man Science was on the Job
once more. Nobody is surer than
Old Man Science. You think he 10
dead and buried when suddenly
he jumps into your midst. He ties
q little bunch Of hrecrackers TO
the tail Of your pet hobby and II
scrambles away Into the indefinite
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Rural Editors
Paragraphs


Company, which puts
letters on peoples bag
gage an monograms on auto
mobiles, etc., is about to make
some disbursement 10 the
stockholders. A sort Of initial
dividend, say we.
Our Railroad Avenue Fish
Emporium won q suit In the
local court last week. Some
one was sum because some
fish they bought there smelled.
The lawyer for the Fish EN-
porium put In a defense that
the fish couldn't smell cause
they was dead. These here
lawyers are some eels, say we.
Bella Hopkins is operatin'
her fathers truck farm, while
her sister is dancin' in a cab
aret in New York. Bella gets
her livin' from her potatoes
and tomatoes, while her sister
makes hers from her twinkling
toes. But we think the sister
In the cabaret has the most
visible means of support.
Patience Caulifower was
down to New York last week
an she says she does wish the
New York papers would only
just print their editions with
portfolios in 'em so the men
could see through an notice
the women standin' up in the
subway cars. She says she
Just knows some Of the men
in the trains would get up an
give their seats to ladies, but
the poor men can't see
rough their papers, the edi-
S,ons are so thick.
If Peru don't stop gettin' all
het up over this here Tacna-
africa business somebody'll 60
down there an spill some
Lima beans.
Pegleg Smart, the Main
street shoemaker, says he
wishes if some OF the soles
who have passed away from
his shoe shop could only speak
to him he'd like to have 'em
send a message as to when he
was goin' to get paid for the
work of putin 'em on some
body's shoes.
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
TULIUS CAESAR was q very

poor Judge of motion pictures.
J No groceryman ever had a
poor watermelon in his store.
1t is almost impossible to get a
drink at q dry-dock.
The man who invented suspen-
ders lies in an unknown grave.
George Washington never told
Martha a fib over the telephone.
Ptolemy never knew why there
was a "P" on the front end of his
name.
The spaghetti groves Of Italy are
visited annually by Thousands Of
tourists.
The best thing to do for a cold
is now out of style.
II takes a phonograph record
ten minutes TO pass a given point.
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

that women understand mon, but
that has nothing to do with the
subject Of this sketch.
The young men hypnotised
themselves Into q bhssful state Of
selfsufficiency on the love-mahng
complex when, suddenly-
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

If Peru don't stop gettin' all
het up over this here Tacna-
africa business somebody'll 60
down there an spill some
Lima beans.
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
!. Eddie's Friends The Ruse That Failed
A Successful
Man


Fl family. His early strug-
giles were intense.
He helped support his folls.
He worked out of school
hours. n.
He did odd-jobs around the I,
town. ........--- ........
Ell managed to get into .
university.
He worked his way. wash
ing dishes.
He also shoveled snow and /.
cut grass. a
He started business in mod
est way.
He collected junk and sold
it again. w.
Soon he was a manufact-
urer.
He worked night and day :
for years.
He raised two daughters
and two sons.
He worked their way
through college.
The two daughters married
titles.
The two sons kept him In
hot water.
When one was going into
Jail,
The other one was coming
out.
They spent his dough seven
days . week.
Both the daughters were d.
vorced.
Both the sons were divorced
twice.
The old man himself vas
sued
Seven times by stage
beauties and others .-
On account Of his offspring.
Still he worked hard and
made money.
He never travelled any
where In particular. ~
Finally he thought he would
take . rest,
And he quietly passed out
Of this life.
And the papers praised him
highly.
As a man who had made
many friends.
And 1t was q tremendous
funeral.
And Q lot Of notables were
there.
And the flowers were be-
yond description. " "
And after the funeral there
was q fight
Over the old mans will and
it was found
That he had left s75,ooo,-
900.
And the two daughters
promptlys
Married two more foreign
titles.
And the two sons hit the
primrose path
And let the business 60 to
smash.
What's life all about, any
way?
The Washington times., 1922-07-16
Some Musician.

Some Musician.
tnADDY," said Tommy Jnnkins,
~ ''this book says that orphsas
was such a fine musician th.a he
made trees and stones move"
"Your sister Dorothy can beat
orpheus any day." grumbled Mr..
Jenkins. "Her piano playing hns
made twenty families move OFT of
these fiats in the last two ns1fha"
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

Tony Marks, the rightfelder
for the home baseball team,
has married the pretty tight
rope walker at the circus
which was in town last week.
Another circus-catch for
Marks. The parson got the
assist.
The Washington times., 1922-07-16

There was great excitement
up at Sophrony Prune's board
In house yesterday cause
somebody found a hare in the
stew.
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03
DAvY CROCKETT, THE HERO OF
THE ALAMO

BE sure you're right, then go
ahead" was Davy Crocketts motto.
He fought for the right, then went
ahead to a glorious death in the Ala
mo. Crockett was born in Tennessee
in 1856. He came of fighting stock
for his father, a tavern keeper, had
been a soldier in the Revolution.
Young Crockett's early years were
spent in roaming the Tennessee
woods, hunting. He became a re-
nowned zeal hunter, a fame which he
shared with his favorite rifle, odd
Betsy"
When the Greek Indians went on the
war path in 1873 Crockett tossed -Oid
Betsy" on his shoulder and marched
away to fight the Indians. He served
as a scout under Gen. Andrew X
and was in the great Battle of Toho-
peka when "Old Hickory" defeated
W~eatherford's warriors.
After the Greek war was over Davy
returned to Tennessee and entered
politics. From magistrate he rose 10
state legislator and next the renowned
hear hunter and scout was sent 10
congress where he served two terms.
In February, 1896, Dayy with II Of his
Tennessee friends arrived at the Mis-
sion del Alamo where Col. William
Travis with a little army of less than
200 men was defying the Mexican dc
tator, Santa Anna.
Santa Anna had a force Of 3,ooo
men. and although the Texans had a
chance to escape before this over
whelming army cut off their retreat,
they refused to do so. The Mexican
general surrounded the u d httie
adobe fort. His demand for its sur
render was met with scorn. Then he
raised the red flag which meant, mo
quarter" and attacked.
The long rifles of the Texans moved
down the Mexican soldiers driven to
the attack. On March 6 Santa Anna
prepared for a grand assault. twenty
five hundred picked men were detailed
to be hurled against the fort. TIT
first assault was beaten back WIN
heavy loss. A second failed, but In
the third desperate attempt the Mex
cans broke into the fort.
After that the fighting was hand Il
hand. Travis went down and Crochet
took command. Outnumbered a y
dred to me-, Crockett with a few com
rades stood with their backs to tn
wall of the church. One by one hi
men went down. At last only Dav.
was left. "Old Betsy" fired her las
shot. Then Crockett seized her by tn
barrel and swung her about his heat
There was a short struggle. on
Betsy" was knocked from his hspd
Bayonet thrust and sword cut wer
ralned upon him. A mass Of Mexican
struck him. He went down fighting I
ts last The Alamo was history.
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03
Stories Of By Elmo
Scott
Great Scouts Isl'o"
q. Mestern Newspaper union
~SACAGAWEA. THE BIRD
WOMAN" SCOUT

In the Portland (Ore.) city park
stands the statue of an Indian woman.
\ little baby is strapped on her back
and her hand is ouStretehed to the
west. toward the Pacific ocean. The
siatue is that OF S%acagaNea, 1.-THE Bird
Woman" the sixteen-year-old girl
scout and guide who led Lewis and
Clark over the ''Shlning Mountains" to
the "laverywhere-Salt-W Water toward
which her hand points.
When Lewis and CLARK visited the
Hidatsa Indians In North Dakota On
their great exploring trip west, they
found a Shoshone girl living with that
tribe. At the age of five she had been
captured from her people by a Hidatsa
war party. When she was fourteen
years old, TOussaint Charbanneau, a
French-C Canadian trapper, won her
from her captor in a game Of hide
the-bone' and married her the next
year.
The Bird Woman wished to return
to her people and Lewis and Clark
engaged Charbonneau and his wife as
Interpreters to the Indians they would
meet. During the winter of 1905 SAGA
gawea gave birth to a son., whom she
called Baptlste, and this tiny papoosc
went with his dauntless mother
through all the h%ardships which the
explorers afterward endured. He was
strapped on Sacagawea's back one day
when the clumsy Charbanneau upset
one of the boats containing the
precious instruments and records of
the party. The Bird Woman at once
sprang overheard into the muddy
stream and rescued them.
More than once Sacagawea proved
her value I the explorers. Far up the
river when the forest and nov baf-
fed her companions and they were
lost, the homing instinct of the In
dian girl led her on and she guided
them safely to her people. The chief
who welcomed them proved to be SAGA
gawea's brother, who was oyerjoyed
to see his lost sister again. He sold
the white men much-heeded horses
and would have stolen them back, had
not the Bird Woman betrayed the plot
to Captain Lewis.
Sacagawea remained with Lewis
and Clark until they reached the Pa
cifc. On their return journey she,
stopped with her people, the Sho-
shones, and there she spent the re-
maInder of her days. She died on the
Wind River reservation In Wyoming
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03
Death in Life.

For we which live are always de-
livered unto death for Jesus sake,
that the life also of Jesus might
made manifest in our mortal flesh. Sc
then death worketh in US. but life II
you'll Corinthians 4:11-12.
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03
The Apostles Work Wonders.

And by the hands of the apostles
were many signs and wonders wrought
among the people. And believers
were the more added to the Lord,
multitudes both of men and women,
Acts 5:12-14.
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03
II Lost My Best Customers Thru
Rats Writes J. Adams

"Used to have the busiest Restau-
rant in town until news spread that
the kitchen was infested with rats;
lost a lot of my best customers until
| tried Rat-Snap. Haven't a pest IN
the place now. Restaurants should
use Rat-Snap." Three sizes, 35c, 65c,
$1.25. Sold and guaranteed by T.
Jordan, 10 North Broad Street.
The Penn's Grove record., 1922-03-03

If sinners entice thee, consent thou
not.
The sleep of the laboring man is
sweet, whether he eat little or much;
but the abundance of the rich will not
suffer him to sleep.
Palatka daily news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1919-1994, 1922-05-04
LAKE COMO.

Mr.. D. N. Force and daugh'er
Miss Agnes, have closed their nome
and have returned to their summer
home at East Haddam, Conn.
Mr.. and Mrs. Robert Newail nave
gone to their summer home at hai-
amazoo, Mich.
Jack Sullivan has gone to WOOD
cliff lake for the summer months
Mrs. Sullivan will follow later, stop
ping en- route at Jacksonville and Sa-
Ivannah,
Mrs. Mitchell, of Savannah, is the
guest of Mrs. J. E. Sullivan.
Mr.. and Mrs. H. c. Gates, Misses
Mary Haight, Mollie Morrison ano
Mrs. C. C. Sullivan were motor Visit-
ors at Palatka.
Mr.. and RMS. W. s. Prior were mo-
tor visitors at the Gem City.
The Ladies' Aid society held a
business meeting at the home OF
Mrs. Gates Wednesday evening.
Services were held at the NJ. p
church Sunday morning. Rev. DIR
Treadwell preached an excellent ser
mon.
Palatka daily news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1919-1994, 1922-05-04

in Palatka Monday, among those 60
ing in for the day being Mr.. and Mrs.
Goodson, Mr.. and Mrs. H. Custead,
Mrs. Alice Evans Bennett, Mrs. q.
A. Leonard, Rev. Robert Caldwell,
Rev. and Mrs. S. B. Ross, Mr.. and
Mrs. T. S. Matthews, Charles Fran
els, J. H. Wylie and Miss Coburn.
Mr.. and Mrs. Emory. Lathrop clos
ed their home for the season Monday
and started on their northward jour
ney, planning to stop over as usual
for a few>days in Washington, D, G..
Mr.. and Mrs. Lynde and their
daughter, Dorothy, who have spent
the winter season at Mariners lake,
left last week for Boston, Mass.
Mrs. Fred Wood and her son, Spen-
Ger, went to Starke Saturday to
spend few days.
Master Robert Thorburn returned
Monday from st. Augustine, whittier
he had gone. unattended, last week
for an operation on his throat.
Mrs. F. B. Hester and little
daughter, Helen, are in Gainesville,
where the little girl is receiving spe-
cial medical attention.
Mrs. J. M. Jones, with wee Mar
garet Hester, spent Tuesday in Pa
latka shopping.
Mrs. S. j. Townsend enjoyed va
cation of several days last week with
the Fraser household in Palatka.
Miss Grace Hanson, who has been
at Ormond Beach through the win
ter season, spent the weekend with
the Coburns before starting on mo-
tor, journey to her home in New
fields, N. H.
! Professor Joseph Stock has re.
turned from st. Petersburg, and will
give, next Sunday morning in the
Congregational church, full and in
teresting report of the recent con
lvention. -.-
i An outdoor religious service fol
next Saturday evening has been an
Inounced by Mr. Camp, and will b.
held in the open space near the rail
way station.
"Lst B. Il B. DO IT" S-e-t'
Palatka daily news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1919-1994, 1922-05-04
INTERLACHEN.

Very much in earnest in their de-
termination to secure better educa-
Nional advantages for the children
in this section of Putnam county, a
group of the most active members of
the Parent Teacher association met
in the schoolhouse Saturday after
noon to formulate plans for their
campaign. A committee comprised
of Mr.. T. S. Matthews, Mrs. Good
son and Miss Coburn was appointed
to appear in conjunction with the
trustees of the school, before the
county school board with plea for
consolidated school, and also for a
junior high school for the pupils now
qualified to enter upon high school
work. This committee, with Mr..
Matthews as spokesman, was given
audience by the county board at their
Monday morning session, and has the
assurance of those gentlemen that
Interlachen's claims will be given
careful consideration, and favor
able decision is earnestly hoped for.
H. Custead, of Meanwhile, and a
wide-awake member of the local
board; Mrs. Matt Leonard, assistant
teacher, and Mrs. Moore, represent
ative from Kenwood, accompanied
the committee, and aided in present
ing their claims.
Mrs. S. B. Ross entertained the
ladies of the Sunshine society on
Wednesday afternoon at her beau
tiful new home on Boylston street
and, after all formal business was
disposed of, dispensed hospitality in
the form of delicious cakes and ''the
cup that cheers but not inebriate." A
pleasing feature of the afternoon
was the spirited discussion of the adj
vantages of city versus country life
"straw vote" at its close resulting
in triumph for the defenders Of
country life.
The young people had another Of
those popular ice cream sales at The
hall Friday evening, and in spite o:
the fact that the evening was rain!
and cool, made satisfactory sale O
their cream, and a nice little sum o
money for their enterprises.
Interlachen was well represented
Palatka daily news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1919-1994, 1922-05-04
CRESCENT CIT YNEWS.

The Baptist Young Peoples Unions
affiliated with the st. Johns River
Baptist Association, held conven-
ton at the Baptist church last fri
dav and Saturday with large atten-
dance of delegates and visitors. Fro
minent clergymen throughout the dis
trict were present to participate IN
The deliberations and exercises, among
them being Rev. DR., Savell Of Palatka'
The Crescent City Citrus Exchange
was reorganized for the coming years
work on Tuesday, when Mr.. Duggan
of Orlando was present with other
officers of the association. AT a
meeting of the local organization IN
the forenoon, Col. T. C. Barby, and
Mr.. H. F. Let's and DR.. A. B. Harbl-
son were elected directors. The Ex-
change begins the coming year under
the brightest auspices and that it will
be a factor in the marketing of fruit
from this section the coming year is
generally conceded.
AT a meeting of the directors of the
Peoples Bank on Wednesday, con-
tract was signed with Banks, the Pa
latka builder, to erect the new bank
building at the corner of Central av.
enue and Summit street, The new
building will be two stories high and
the upper floor will be divided into
office rooms and a modern flat. The
banking office will be one of the most
convenient in the State. The building
is to be of brick, the facing of a spe-
cially artistic make, and the whole
will be a decided addition to the town
Greedy & Benjamin of Jacksonville
are the architects.
Mrs. 3. E. Brown, sectional vice
president of the State Federation of
Women's Clubs, will visit Crescent
City next Monday and will be pre-
sent at the monthly meeting of the
V. I. A, which will meet at 8 p. M
The newly elected officers will be in
Quoted at this meeting and the bust
ness session will be followed by a So
cial hour. A full attendance of mem
bers is expected to meet Mrs. Brown
Mr.. and Mrs. o. P. Simmons Of
Greenville, S. c., who have been spen.
ding the past three months here, as
guests of Mrs. c. A. Cheatham, left
at an early hour on Tuesday morning
for their homes, going in Mr. Sim;
mons touring car.
Palatka daily news. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1919-1994, 1922-05-04

Rev. and, Mrs. Sharrow have re-
turned from Welaka, where they
spent several days.
Mrs. H. @. Gates led an Interesting
c. E. meeting Sunday evening" q
duet by Mr.. and Mrs. Gates was
greatly enjoyed.
Mr.. and Mrs. John M. Woolsey ex'
nact to close their home and return
to their summer home at Pleasant
vile, N. Y, leaving early next week
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Waterbury