davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12
TONS SIMS SAYS

The most serious mistake ON earth
is being too serious.
What viii YOU give your wife for
Christmas2 Let us suggest box of
the kind of cigars YOU smoke.
The height Of ignorance is think
ing you know everything.
girl tells us none of her fellows
viii make date with her because
Christmas IS so near.
Getting q $40 bill is unlucky be-
cause the government doesn't issue
$40 bills.
Now that college cheer leaders
are idle they might get job cheer
ing board of directors meetings.
If Harding is given as many tur-
keys Christmas as Thanksgiving
there will be a turkey shortage.
Next year starts out with better
outlook than this year did and this
year wasn't so very bad.
They are discovering ways to do
everything fast except sleep fast.
Cheek-to-cheek dancing has boost
ed the razor business.
The man with fake cure for
rheumatism viii pull your leg.
A pork roast is expensive and a
beef roast is expensive but neither
is as expensive as roasting some
body.
Only a few more months until the
first signs of spring.
a good hunter let's his conscience
be his guide.
A wife advcrtises for her hubby
gone II years. Perhaps she sent
him to match some ribbon for her.
This may be an awful country but
in Warsaw taxi drivers are allowed
to charge what they please.
=
Oregon professor says teachers
should know 1000 words and the
small boys say "Study this at
home" should not be among them.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12
GOLD COINS AGAIN

The United States is back gold basis again.
The head of the Federal Reserve Board has informed
bankers that the Treasury Department has withdrawn
its objections to the release of gold COINS and it knows
of why such coins should not be paid out
they used to be years ago. for distribution Christmas
presents.
This will be good news in tens of thousands of
homes and offices, There is something about shining
'half-eagle,' eagle" doube-eagle" that
be matched by the newest and crspest of banknotes
The gold, somehow, looks feels and sounds more like
money. And it is beautiful in itself.
Some carping critic may say that the United States
always has been "on gold basis So it has, in theory.
But matter of cold fact country every really
gold basis long holders of banknotes which
profess to be exchangeabe for gold get the gold
for them without question: presentation at the bank
That has been the for years in this country Ev
erybody should welcome the order final
elusive proof of the soundness of financial system
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

1t is estimated that opening tin
cans has cut too many fingers.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

Clemenceau says he favors a law
prohibiting long skirts. We are
against it because that would make
them wear long skirts.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

Oregon professor says teachers
should know 1000 words and the
small boys say "Study this at
home" should not be among them.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
December 12. 1907

Mr.. and Mrs. j. B. Parazett enter
tain at 500. Guests present: Mr..
and Mrs. Leroy Holt, Mr.. and Mrs.
Arthur Edgar, Mr.. and Mrs. j. b.
Bracket, Mr.. and Mrs. j. II. Hol-
land, l.. F. Farnsworth and Miss
Julia Flynn.
Stated by Los Angeles music
house that it has sold not less than
400 pianos in Imperial Valley, most
ly this year, the instruments bring
ing in the neighborhood of $4,000.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12
TWENTY-ONE YEARS AGO
December 12. 1901

First destructive fire in the val
ley burns house of p. Barnes mile
east of Calexico. Contents des-
troyed, including three guns, two
watches, silver and gold coin and
valuable papers.
The time is not far off when
this valley will be sending fat
turkeys and big pumpkins to the
fairs and taking prizes on them.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

This may be an awful country but
in Warsaw taxi drivers are allowed
to charge what they please.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12
TEN YEARS AGO
December IL, 1912

Born-In FL Centre, December 6,
to Mr.. and Mrs. Battles G.. Walker,
son.
Construction begins on the Main
Street building next to the Ell Cen
tro National Bank, to be occupied
by the Varney department store
when completed.
Bee keepers in convention discuss
diseases of bee.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

New safety razor works like a
lawn mower. Now we need a
clothes brush that works like a
street sweeper.
Imperial Valley press. (El Centro, Calif.) 1907-current, 1922-12-12

Proposal that women. get a new
husband every three years will not
be popular because some would get
lonely between husbands.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
A1R. HARyEYs LATEST SPEECH.

Ambassador Harvey made speech at Manchester for the nglOAncrc Society of that city, leaving behind the ques- whether have souls. and expressing what he considers the national policy the United States six ee- Ilents.
 strength of the Republic by just legislation md economy at home
 To preserve to the nations of the world the blessings of geace,
 To strive to cultivate and maintain a Europe.
 To avoid needless and enjansIing engagements.
 To acknowledge the equal ghls of all nations
 The foreign policy the Unted States should always lspired by love og freedom.
 difficult find number of sentiments taken 5gether which much of anything nothing Very charming and interesting these sentiments may be- they general to em5oiy anything in the nature of policy purpose
 For piece of meaningless phrasng take number four, avoid needless and enan2ling eneagemeuls'
 Every engagement is eutaneng and only engage lents will be needless To avoid enangn engagements eep ont of all Or perhaps Ambassador may Intend o say that the country enter needless engage angling needless would be the same.
 Take the sixth sentiment "the foreign policy United should always be insjpred by freedom" with freedom They will be matters of convenience, support, of Friendship some other definite complexion.
 treaty reciprocity business convenience Russian eIief is for friendly assistance, humanity and
 Apparently Ambassador Harvey has had enough of the Jbcit which attends upon the expression direct and onions He is taking chances in his speech and relies upon inc type of eeneraiies usually called "gLitering"
 To say that women have souls" d certain specific rOpOon, which be discussed To say that the foreign oicy of the United States should always inspired by of freedom, is to say exactly nothing at all.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
IRISH EXHIBITIONS.

In Dublin, three Republican irreguars have been killed by firing squad asserted the caught laying mines the streets and that they armed.
 The trial secret the relatives of the accused learned If their deaths from the newspapers.
 Conflicting reports about De Valera assert that he has been appehncd and that he has escaped Ireland report That he will he in London
 I will be a strange situation De Valera find himself safer in London than he would be Dublin.
 The Irish situation $ ironing
 The Times rcrates its belief that Ireland the enjoyment stable government ruling peaceful try The means that provoked revolution when the people of mind to have their pro luce order that the people such government with which most of them d satisfied
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01

f-ri~di .-iou ra5 ben Withdrawn
 Germany and IIus~.1N come under .Ia Jurisdiction UE -le Chinese mag s-rTa-tes only. that new uagfs-r3tes be 5nno"tel atter examinations con- GU"reE by the Ministry of Justice. and t14- Court oL Appeals be estab- G~he5.
 The most significant change pro posed is in the establishment Of a Court of Appeals.
 At ths present time thsre is no CoUr- nt Appeals. and the Mixed Court. with it's wide scope !s yEe most powerful court in the world. perhaps, as .C hears every variety of i'm nal and civil acton. rcEl rdIess of The amount Of money involved or rne sentence. including death. that nay he =-ven 70 convicted offenders.
 Under the present rules or the cCU~- Chinese magistrates. appointed by the PeEi0E Government, sit wi-l. foT5lgn assessors having egua, pow or Two assessors appointed by the British Cou~ul-GeCe- sit or Mon days. Wednesday and Fridays: two assessors appointed by the AuertCau T Consul General. s.- on Tuesday and Thursdays and one assessor each appointed by the Italian and Japanese Consul General st on Saturdays In rr7 French Mixed Court French as sez~ors only sit with the Chinese ne Els--G- -es.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
FOOTBALL GAME:
 GOLD COST LIFE
 OF ROCKEFELLER

New York, Dec. 1--Members of his family today attributed the death last night of William CrOOdsel Rockefel- Ter, son of the late William ROcke- feier and nephew of John D Rocke- feler, to a cold contracted at the YaIe-Harvard football game last Sat urday.
 Avery Rockefeller, nephew of the hEanCier. and a freshman at aYle, said that his uncle had complained of a cold shortly after he and his FaTty left the Yale Bowl.
 The illness quickly developed into pneumonia
 For several years prior to 1911, when he resigned, MT Rockefeller as treasurer of the Standard Oil company of New Y Ork. At the time of his death he was listed on the boards of directors of only seven cor poTatiOns.
 MT. Rockefeller was born in this city in 1870. He was graduated from Yale in 1892. He married F,I- sic StiIIman. daughter of James still man, lata president of the National City Bank.
 After his retirement from active Evsi ness in 1911, MT. R.ckefe Ter N- en* much of his time at his home ir Greenwich Conn.
 He iS survived, besides his w dow, hv four sons. VIII am A Godf. ey &, James s. and J. Sterling Rockefeller. and a daughter, A1mira-
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
MANN'S DEATH
 SHOCK ID HOST
 OF COLLEAGUES
Illinois Representative Had Hopes of Regaining Speakership When New Congress Organized.

Washington, Dec ] - Death last night ended the career of Representa- live James E. Mann Of the Second Illinois district. long rated as grant Of the House.
 Returning here two weeks ago for The opening of the special session Of Congress, MT. Mann. who had serveG his people for upwards Of d quarter of a century took part in the prelim- mary work of the House A week ago, however, he was forced to stay at home because of cold which nc failed 70 shake off. His con dirlOn at first was not regarded as ser iOus and 1T was not until yesterday afternoon, after pneumonia developed that gI became alarming. Early in the eve ming h. rallied. but there was change for the worse as the niglht wore on. shortly before midnight wlUn his wife and his physicians at his bedside the veteran of many Com gressiOuaI battle died peacefully.
 Death Shocks Colleagues.
 News of MT. Nanu's death was shock to the House, for few of his most intimate friends knew of his ill., ness, beyond the statement that he mad been confined to his home by cold On the eve of the House vOre Wednesday on the shipping bill Mir. Mann wanted to get out Of bed and go there to be counted on it's side He was told to stay at home and tnay while his wise counsel would be help TuI there were votes enough in sight and he would be paired But his thoughts were constantly on the House where his record of service through IS consecutive terms. or 26 years, had earned for him the repu- IattCn among friends and foes or the est informed man on the details O' governrl ent that ever sat in either branch of Congress. He was sent hack for 14th term by the people or his district in the election las, month.
 Power in House
 Nfr0~i+v -~r7or in the House dur ing the eight years of Democratic ship go to GtIIett of Massachusetts. when his party again came into DOW
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
''EMPRESS' REIGNS
 BOSS SUPREME
 IN KAISER'S HOME

Doorn, Holland, Dec. 1-CBy The 4. PD-The first change in the Kats- CTS household since Princess Her mine took over the reins is the de rarture of Count Von Molrke. the court marshal. The new Empress nas sisntfed her intention of inst tuung a regime which will be direct ly opposed to the policies of Won Moltke.
 The dispute between Princess Her. mine and the retiring marshal is saiu to have arisen over the question oi whether the Kaiser should cOutint h.mseIf to DOOrn castle The for uler Emperor's bride favored more freedom of mOvement for her hus- band but this was contrary to the wishes Of Won MoItke, who is reEaru- ed as resp nsibIe for the imDrisOu- nent of WiIhe m within the garden walls.
 Another change in the househ holo regime that iS prob ably traCeabIe to Prin ess Ferm ne's influence is tho pros- eetive departure of Dr. Haech- Ter. the court physician. who soon caves the castle to take up his fpII- vate practice in Amsterdam.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
THANKSGIVING

al there but if the failure of his par ty in caucus to SC. eC- him as speaker left amy tinge of bitterness with the veteran member his friends never saw any indication Of it. Declining then the proffcred leadership of the majority, MT Mann tho. eaftsr con luued to exercise a power equal to, { not greater than that of the speak 9r himself as chairman of the com ulittees, which controls the make up gf the Rouse committees.
 Counting on his st-ength for a pos .hle rose uuha wal when the Re publican majority was cut to less than a score in the last election, his friends again set to work quietly in his behalf, but the Illinois member. who months before had declared he never would accept the speaNe-snlp y- the leadership. quickly ended the move when he heard of it by re.ter- Rtins what he said then That it would have required a powerful eff fort to beat him if he had gone out for either of these places was the opinion f-eeIy held in the House.
 Funeral arrangeue uents had not cen concluded at an early hour to- Gay but it was understood that ser vices would be he'd at the late rep resentative's home in Chicago
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01

Continued from yesterday.)
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
DYING FOR FIN AND FOR COAL.

Disasters which have been frequently happening the strike ended recall the danger attached to mining coal
 These casualties not great they used but hey still Of the 250O accidents which killed each the spectacular inc only one which gets much attention from the public
 The greaer number of deaths separate accidents killed by delayed blast by hauling coa by other hazard of his work,
 The whole business of providing coal, however, not costly life the business of seeking pleasure automobiles pursuit the deaths amount to 10000 year,
 As between dying for and dying the performance of useful and necessary social there be but O he
 By taking heed both kinds of deaths may be reduced
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
SYNOPSIS:

Ruth Elvanss twenty and pretty as q pitcher who lives with her grandfather and broIIEer on d small property outside Benyanue, comes to town for supplies There q stranger calling himself Bill Duncan, forces his attentions on her and accompanies her home. Some days later old man WhaIcy, an eccentric TcCIuse, is found murdered by Sud Peters who rc- ports the crime to the sheriff Powell, the sheriff. listens to Peters recital and prepares to investigate.
 \ month later Duncan again pays B visit to Ruth who, dtsIIk- ing and distrusting him, finally induces him 10 go away. That evening makes the acquaiuJ- ancc of Robert Stin1er, who spends a couple of delightful hours at the Evans camp. Bleaching his cabin Stiner light ed his pipe, tilted back his chin and smoked in silence. The dog laid its head on Its masters knee and went to sIeep.''
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
COLLEGE RAzE1 BY FLAMES;
 LOSS IS $5OO,OOO

Montreal. Dec. 1-The Laval Dental college, connected with the University of Montreal, was practically destroy ed by fire early today. The college which is separated froom the main building of the university. was valued at about S5OO.OOO.
 Officials are at d loss to explain the origin of the blaze, the SC. Ond within three weeks at the univera- lty. and the third within two yeaIs.
 All available fire apparatus re sTOnded to the alarms and brought the flames under control after two hours of fighting. Eight hT7emen were injured slightly by flying glass.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
CHINA MAY BAR FOREIGNERS IN
 HIGHCOURT
oeking Negotiating to Restrict Chinese Cases
 10 Chinese Magistrates
EY EDNA LEE BOOKER International News SerN ice staff
 Correspondent

aye been started in Pekiu=. accord -s- tc reports published in local Chi esz newspapers 10 ettec- ara~-l. 1..orEa uFzar-Cu Cf the Mixed Court af l-r4.FaE v.-- rEc object C[ u---- rrateLy sl5-ri-a-irE foraLs0 authority ion -ra court
 Tle-a negotiations. accord ing -e he re-1r-S are being taken H- bE 1le Chinese Government ar EeSlEE .th tre various rC~ei-n Powers
 Tho propCseE EauEe= DrCN.6" -Es- sH Chinese cases he heard Ny Chi rese r0a -1=rrar-z only in the alter .ocn sessions Of the court and that 70 foreign assessors participate -r any way ir the hearings, rhat the eub5scts Of nations whose consular
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
Dn,rnr fr, Hn-lsn

NTfro~ftv lander in the House dur ing the eight years of Democratic control NJ. Mann saw the sneake-- ship go to GtlIett of Massachusetts. when his party again came into DOW
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-12-01
"S R U \ I'' BY GUY ARTHUR JAMESON
6tinler

the encroaching darkness. stimer rose to his feet.
 Tiff l can do you turn. Miss Ruth let me know. IT must be goin' now. Come over, Tom. Good night, Miss Ruth"
 He stepped into the night. "Coo- op. General, coO-Op," he called. The horse neighed and came rrotting to him. As he sprang into rhe saddle something struck him on the leg.
 ''Stimer turned, but Tom was gone. ! minute later he heard him talking to the old man.
 Tell you, grandpa. 1t feels boogery out there-saw that weller star wink at me. Say grandpa, reckIn there's CT baby in CT star2'"
 rom, what a foolish tdee," said Ruth.
 'T didn't asr you. Miss smarty, but you sad yersef ther's a man in the moon"
 As stimer turned over -he divide, he glanced back. Ruth. the lantern in her hanaI. stood peerlnE into the night.
 "GeneraL or boy. that back you der is an uncommon layout-an they need a gardeeen. You understau'. ol boy, we're to look out fer 'em," he said, batting his horse caressingIy. The dog. trotting at his side. whtued and Ieaped to his leg. "Eh. Cap. jeaI- that will do"
 Reaching h.s cabin. Stmer lighted his pipe. tilted back his chair and smoked in silence The dos laid ifs head on it's masters knee and went
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

grandpap puts up thousand bucks and they put thou
sand bucks and the thing is
They send to Omaha for their foot and meantime
my grandpap goes around citizens and tells them
the barber Of they know the barber will not
w they great confidence in grandpap they
do as he says.
WE'LL the day of the there is much excitement and
plenty of betting citizens covering all the dough the
Omaha sports wish put up. The barber in the pink of
condition and the Omaha far anybody knows
but the barber tells my grandpap that he has the Omaha
all fixed nice.
So they get their marks and somebody shoots gum
and away they ckety split OF the barber
'front.' but of he is supposed to stay front long
The idea that the finish he supposed fall flat with
the old blood pouring out Of his mouth, he bursts
blood vessel such, and that the Omaha guy will
and win.
The barber is carrying little capsul full Of beef blood
his mouth and the thing for him to do to bite into the
beef capsule he falls What makes everybody In
indignant that Of citizens nvens this
ule racket and trss get patented but turned down
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
BY DAMON RUNYON

by the patent office and lot Of people afterwards steal the
idea, including these Omaha eggs.
WE'LL they not far from the finish with the barber
still pretty well ahead and old mister barber stumble
and fall Then all Of sudden he lets terrible
YELL keeps moving fast that he the finish
line before he knows and still going block ahead of the
other guy.
Nobody figure what happens to him. but the last
of him he hopping into the Arkansaw River Of he
wins the but there awful among the Omaha
boys At first they do wish pay their debts saying
that they swindled but somebody sticks gun of his
pocket them and by and by other sticking
out, so they figure it best not to say much.
They decide that SOL the barber them and
they take after him drown him. but they able
catch him. Then gets thinking and asks
my grandpap whatever it he does the barber make
him keep running when he supposed fall down and ose
and my grandpap says to them like this,
Why," he says II get hold Of his capsules last night
and all do is to empty the beef blood and fill it up with
plenty of tobasco When the guy bites into that
capsule he thinks he fire. and forgets stop running
and, my grandpap says, II do not blame him Bit"
The Washington times., 1922-11-26

Then day the barber foot looks up my grand
pap, and he says to grandpap like this:
Now, he says, "these Omaha guys talking about
fellow back in Omaha that they think great foot
know this fellow WELL the barber says and here the
way will make plenty Of dough for ourselves.
He beat easy all right" the barber says, "but
got him right my vest pocket He will do anything say
and will fix it for him lose These Omaha sports
know he beat but they do not know fix him
to beat We will take these just like Grant takes
Richmond if you will put up the dough-
WE'LL of my Grandpap Mugg tells the barber is
wonderful plan, although he knows we'll as anybody
else in that the barber will beat the Omaha guy
under any circumstances. My Grandpap knows that the
barber will lose and that the Omaha boys will take away
dough that bet the for that is the idea Of the
proposition in the beginning.
But anyway grandpap hunts these Omaha sports after
listening to the barber, and he says them like this.
"Gents he II hear you boys pretty good foot
WE'LL got foot myself, and if everything is
Jake will match him against your man."
Naturally tho Omaha sports ticked silly and SO my
The Washington times., 1922-11-26
WORK ON THIS ONE.

The column printed this relation
tumble a long time ago, but
"FLOSSY" requests It's republica.
ton. 80 that those fond of working
out intricate family relations may
have a chance to use their bright
gray matter:
Years ago I married a widow
VINO mad grOwn.up daughter.
My father visited us often, fell In
love with my step-daughter, and
married her. Thus he became my
sOn-in.law, and my step-daughter
became my mother, because she
was my fathers wife. Soon after
this, my wife gave birth to a
son, which, OF course, was my
fathers brOther-in.law and my
uncle, for he was the brother Of
my step-mother. My fathers
wife also became the mother of
a son. lie was, Of course, my
brother, and also my grandchild,
Tor he was the son Of my daugh.
ter. Accordingly my wife was
my grandmother, because she
was my mothers mother. I was
my wife's husband and grand
child ut one and the same time,
and, rs the husband Of q per.
sons grandmother Is his grand.
father, l became my own grand. =.
father"