davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

made man. My friends, It Is such a one
that we have with us tonight, who will
speak to you upon his own subject as only
ne can do. 1t gives me great pleasure to
introduce to you the speaker OF the even
ing, who is too well known to you all to
need any further eulogy on my part"
TOHN Biddle was rackety young man
and kept very late hours, but he had
Joined the army and was ordered to the
front. and on bidding farewell to his be-
bowed he said to her:
Darling, when | am far away wilt thou
gaze at yon star every night and think OF
me?"
II will, indeed. dearest" she replied. III
needed anything to remind me Of you
should choose that very star"
"Svhy?" he asked.
Because II is out so very late at night
and looks so pale in the morning."
WAS dining with William Collier the
1 comedian, when he directed my atten-
ton to q dapper looking man with q sus-
piciously red nose.
"A very prominent member Of the Larch-
mont Yacht Club announced Collier,
gravely.
"Yes7" I asked. what is his official
Capsriiy!
Three gallons think. answered Col.
lieT.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

TvHE readiest bit Of repartee that re-
y call in respect to my shortcoming in
the matter of hair was that OF Philadel-
phia barber
Now" said he running his hand over
the back Of my head after he had attended
TO my other needs, how do you want your
hair fxed?'
"ln silence and without humor." said ].
II am approaching my fftieth year In this
world and since thirty have been as
YOU see me now. In the course Of those
twenty intervening years have heard
about every joke on the subject OF bald
ness that the human mind has been able
to conceive at least fifty thousand times"
Il guess that's right" said he. you are
pretty bald, amt your"
81 am, and | am not at all ashamed OF
it," ! returned. MY badness has been
honestly acquired. have not lost my
hair in dissipation or by foolish specula-
ton, but entirely through generosity Of
spirit. have given my hair to my chill
dren."
"Gee!' he CALCULATED with tervor You
must have a devil of a large family
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

DEFoRB a police officer in Western
- town there was brought forlorn.look-
ing person charged with drunkenness and
disorderly conduct When asked what he
had to say for himself he gazed pensively
at the Judge and began:
You Honor, mans inhumanity to man
has made countless thousands mourn. I'm
not as debased as Swift, as prohigate as
Byron. as dissipated as Poe, as debaunched
as
"ThatIl do" Numbered the magistrate,
Thirty days! And, officer, take a list Of
them names and run 'em in, They're as
bad as he Isl"
T WAS travelling in Arkansas and met
one day most detected looking citizen.
why Is It that nobody fishes In the
river yonder?" asked.
Amt no Ash" he grunted.
How is II there are no fish in such a
fine riverH" asked again, much aston
ished.
Stranger" said he, IF you could git
out o. this country as easy as a fish kin,
do we reckon ye'd stay"
c Great Britain Rights Reserved.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

THE time of day do not tell
As some do by the clock,
Or by the, distant shining bell
Set on some steepled rock.
But by the progress that see
In what have to do
It's either Done o'clock for me
Or only Half,past Through.
A TRAIN made up Of day coaches and
"A Pullman sleepers broke through a
wooden trestle and landed in a frightful
mass of twisted wreckage on the bottom OF
ravine some eighty feet below. The
wrecking crew worked nobly, and after sew
eral hours of heroic effort came to
crushed and splintered sleeper at the base
of the ruin. There amid the debris, sleep.
ing peacefully, with a beam across his
chest. lay the porter, wholly unhurt and
dreaming He was even snoring The fore
man of the wrecking crew, with suitable
language expressing his amaZement at the
miracle, finally succeeded in getting Sambo
half awake.
"Wh,whut's de mattahH," stammered
Sambo, sitting up and gazing dazedly al
the ruin on every side
Natter" echoed the foreman. why,
jumping jehoshaphat, man! Don't you
know that this whole dod-gasted train has
fallen through the trestle? It's wonder you
weren't killed. Didn't you feel anything?"
"Why, vas, boss" said Sambo. 81 did
feel sumpin' kind o. Jolly; but fought
dey was a.puttin on de dinah at Jackson"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19


THERE minds small that would certainly ruin
the eyes to try to read them.
VIRGINIA being advised to leave town lest
he suffer certain extreme penalties for his msdeeds
replied that he "gwine gwine
lars send a postal card back!"
PRETTY young lady shop other
"A tripped up clerk busy and
sweety asked:
Have you Kissed n the Moonlight"
NO." said 1T have been the at the other
counter I've only been here a day"
ONE night the hall in Western city where
- brishtaced little urchln
a for my lecture in his hand.
buy tonghts lecture mistsr said he
NO said i've heard this lecture several times al
ready and 20 through again for dollars
Gee he calculated IF It's bad that guess I'd better
tear this up"
CLERGYMAN in a Southern State told Of a commu
n received with reference to marriage that
o place at his house.
This letter. "is give notice that and Miss
coming to church on Saturday after
operation of matrmony at hands
be prompt the carriage hired by the hour
FORAGE GREELEY and Henry Ward Beecher were once
n travelling to Boston together through
bridgeport Conn, Greeley said:
Hello here's p r Barnum lives! Nice town. Beecher
gave successful lecture here once
What do you a successful lecture Greeley" asked Mr.
why" Greeley successful lecture where more
people in than 60 out
SOUTHERN gentleman introducing me to an audi
"A impressvely with selections from the
I'm the beginning God created the earth said
lightly the sequence OF created things
until he had usaered the nird OF ne ar md t b with an eaV
jump he to myself . ~ - ,u,.uo.,o ,o,,
he something to have domin
ion all these things good-a creature
If heart Of
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

The Incident of the Booker Washington Pie
colored
of
rich
his isntW ashn
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

OCCASIONALLY finds trouble in keeping ahead OF
~ the Pullman the matter Of repartee There used
be the night Boston venerable chap black as the
spades but patrarcha in dignity Of whom very
He wide awake all hours OF the day and night
had Like OF his class
lie inclined to bestow titles his charges.
Yo got enough pillows Capn? he asked OCCASION
after he had fixed berth.
Yes replied, putting him up a peg higher But
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19


something that occurred at the great Music
side the building several hundred old
maids and shouting at the tops Of
their voices: a child born! Unto child is
While the other side of the building
equally loud Wonderful Wonderful"
youngster dressed in his best clothes
"A postofce a Maine village where
day carefully laid huge slice of iced cake
the counter before the postmistress
with sister the brides compliments, and will please
much you can" he said.
postmistress kind sister
remember wedding cake?"
did" said the youngster, coldy And she thought
she'd send this edge off
your before she posted boxes off to her friends
KIY condition the evening of first the
lN1 platform like that old neighbor
the Maine who when asked him If he
felt thunderstorm, replied: mo,
felt I'm Jest plain dam skeert DEATH"
ttOH no." calmly, he down to dinner
don't jealous Of Washington. He
Country and am not only discovered the orphan the
country before had father mother. There wasn't
body willing be it
But Washington here took n hand spanked
when it needed it. and started off the which has
made worth while for my
ton with 1t. Why should be jealous of him."
NNCE when travelling a railroad
~ the slowness of its service train already
late. steadily losing The conductor
through the and fellow who evidently
knew him said:
How long you been with this SAM"
Seven years last March, replied the conductor
you don't say" said the passenger Then this be
your trip"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

tlXYIELL believe fully that all descended from the
w said Baron Munchausen. There isn't any doub.
my the food ali mad tails. Noah had
tail Shem, Ham and Japheth had tails"
you for its disappearance put In DR.
Livingstone.
We'll believe said DR.. Samuel johnson, 81 believe that
Adam monkey"
"EIe behaved like ono" calculated Thackeray.
81 believe that the forbidden tender and there
fore only upon Adam forbidden to swing by
his tail" said Johnson.
Clear enough--sO far" said Munchausen.
But that possession Of tails by Adam and Eve entaed
swinging thereby and that they could resist the temp
swing limb Eden, and that therefore,
swinging other Eve took swing
the forbidden that Adam returning caught her In the act
Immediately himself and swung said Johnson
Then you eliminate the serpent" queried Darwin.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19

mot bit of It," Johnson answered The serpent was the
tail What they but unattached
tails?"
They 10 look It," said Darwin thoughfully.
why It's day said Johnson "As punishment Adam
and tail itself compelled to work
for a living walking"
thought of that" said Darwin II" seems reasonable
ut is reasonable" said Johnson
And the snakes present day." queried Thackeay
81 believe o missing tails Of men,, said Johnson
tail for and woman and
tail say but that 1t exists
smuan eously believe The adherence man
directly attributable to his adherence Tor all
things which have something that is good
Adams swing the forbidden tree
should been able through life to relax from
business cares the monkey who is happy
from morning until night"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-02-19
Going Up!

it's cold night another blanket might come in
handy" , .
hit right away" 80, -, ,-,,
THANK General said he returned with the desired
article.
"Glad to serve yo Admiral" said he with deep gravity
Bishop" said I, resolved to keep at II until
scored a victory, "suppose'-- a.
"Hol mistuh!" he retorted instantly Hol on: Dey
amt mon one puhson in de whuts hghern Bishop
an | knows mighty well yo' aint HIM"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
MAY BE BONES OF PRIESTESS
Of kiiauea Believed to Be Last
or Her Order.

The skeleton of woman, believed
that of the last of the priestesses of
the Hawaiian fire goddess Pele, whose
traditional home was in the Kilauea
volcano on the island Hawaii was
found recently In a carefully prepared
crypt not far from the smoking crater.
The tomb was found in the western
sector of the main wall of the great
outer crater of Kilauea, where once
stood a great temple dedicated to
Hiiake, the sister of the goddess Pele.
Nothing now remains Of this temple.
The last occasion upon which it APP
peared in history was when it was
visited by the Princess Kapiolani in
1924, when the royal Hawaiian Chris
tian journeyed to the volcano for the
purpose Of uttering defiance to Pele.
The journey formed the motif Of one
of Alfred Lord Tennyson's poems. Lo-
cal tradition says that the princens
was met at the crater rim by bag
gard priestess-the last of her line
who came from her abode In the
ruined temple near by and made one
last attempt to overawe the princess
and to appeal to her fear of the super
natural.
The tomb, believed to be that of
this priestess, was discovered immedi-
ately below the site of the temple.
The position of the bones indicated
that she had been buried in a sitting
position, with her back propped
against the wall, with her head placed
so that her sightless eyes We're in line
with a small oritice Immediately in
front of her and in direct line with
the mile-distant fire pit of the volcano.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
OFFICIAL NOTICE

Published by authority of the Common
Council of the city of Wauwatosa, WIS.
NOTICE Is hereby given in accordance
with the provisions of Section Gals sub
section 6 and Section 621S, Sub section co.
OF the statutes of the state of Wisconsin,
1921, TO att persons whom il may concern,
and to the owners of all lots, parts of lot or
lots or parcels OF land fronting or abutting
on the following described portions of streets
IN the City of Wauwatosa, Milwaukee Coun-
ty, Wisconsin. to-wlt;
Eighth Avenue. from Lake street to East
North Avenue; and East Center street,
from seventh Avenue 70 Eighth Avenue; IN
the First Ward of said city, upon which
sewer pipe lines are proposed to be laid, that
tho Board OF Public works in and for the
city Of Wauwatosa, have made and filed in
their office in the office Of the city Clerk
Of tho city OF wauwRtosa, report showing
their determination upon the questions re-
quired to be considered by them concerning
the contemplated laying of sanitary Sewer
Mains In the portion OF streets listed In the
foregoing paragraphs .snd viii be in session
In the City Hall, 2lS North Main street. in
said city on Friday. the 2Sth day Of April,
1899, at the hour of 800 o'clock in the after
noon to hear any and all persons upon the
matter OF said assessments and the appor-
tionment of the expense thereof. rs provided
by Section Gals Subsection 2l6 OF the sta
tutcs OF the state Of Wisconsin, 1921.
Dated at WauwRtosa, Wisconsin, this 18Th
day OF April. 1892,
THE BOARD OF PUBLIC WORKS.
BY A. V. BRIGHAM,
Secretary.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
Albania Defied Sultan.

In the % years that AL ,"eth II was
Sultan of Turkey, he conquered two
empires, Il kingdoms and 500 cities ;
but there was one little kingdom, ~
ing at mis- very door, which for a quar-
ter of a century successfully defied
and resisted Turkish Mohammedism
and gave Amureth ii more trou-
BILE than all his other enemies COM
bined. The kingdom was Albania.
John Gratiot, leader of the AL
hanians, repealed 20 separate inva-
sions Of the sultan's army. All in all,
nearly 100000 Turkish soldiers were
dispatched to conquer the little coun-
try which vas protected at no time
by more than 10000 Albanians The
Turks suffered frightful losses.
At last after % years of the most
stubborn resistance recorded by his
tory, Albania yielded, but not till Ora
tot himself had been harvested by
the inevitable grim reaper.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
1Ow2
OFFICIAL NOTICE

In the matter of the contemplated inn
pFovement OF that portion OF Eighth Avenue,
from State Street TO East Milwaukee Ave
nue., Vista Avenue, from the east line OF
row Court from Greenfield Avenue TO Rob
ertson street; in the Third and Fourth
Wards OF the City of Wauwatosa.
Notice is hereby given in accordance with
Section 6216 Subsection Cc), Wisconsin,
Statutes 1921, by the Board of Public Works
in and for the city of Wauwatosa, WILSON,
sin that said Board have made and hled in
their office M the office Of the City Clerk OF
the City OF Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, q report
showing their determination upon the ades-
lions required to be considered by them con-
corning the contemplated work of improve
tnent on those portions of the streets men
toned in the caption of this notice; that
said report shows that said Board have
viewed the premises; their determination OF
benefits and damages which win accrue to
rhange or alteration of grade the entire
cost of the contemplated work of Improve
ment of said portion of street; the dement's
and damages that viii accrue to the several
parcels of real estate thereby. and the
amount that should be assessed under the
provisions OF said section to each parcel OF
real estate as benefits accruing thereto by
the contemplated work and Improvement ON
said portion of street; which said report IS
open for inspection and view at the SAID
office and will be so continued for space
of ten q % days after the date of this notice,
That on Friday April 2Sth, 1922, SAID
Board of Public Works win be in session at
the hour of 80 o'clock In the afternoon OF
said day 10 hear NH objections that may be
made to said report.
Dated at Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, TINS 14th
day of April, 1922.
THE BOARD OF PUBLIC WORKS,
BY A. v. BRIGHAM.
Secretary.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14

Film Party in New Guinea Discovers
People Who Are Interesting Rel
les of the Past.

adventures in the wilds of New
Guinea were experienced by film
party in a small motor launch, the
Waffle. The expedition cruised along
the coast of New Guinea, three times
grounding on uncharted reefs, and each
time the photographic staff carefully
corrected the charts carried. A week
or so later a storm picked up the Wat
tie and impaled it on a coral spur. At
ter unwelcome labor in a shade tenn
perature of 104 degrees the launch
was relocated. In one place the visi-
tors found that the people were still
in the Neolithic age, stone axes and
AIDES being in general use. The cam
era export was interested in the weav-
ing of cloth by the natives. A special
tree was selected and cut down with a
stone adze. The bark was beaten and
loosened, turned inside out and placed
IN the sun to dry. Then it was soaked
in water and again dried. Finally 1t
was cut into lengths with sharpened
fiat stone like a chisel. The journey
up the Ramu river, in New Guinea,
was rendered difficult by the hidden
logs and sometimes only four and one
half miles were covered in the day.
Sixty days were spent in that river,
the Waffle pushing up about 40
miles.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
LOOKING AFTER THE CATTLE
Not Alone in Poorer Districts of Ire
land Are Animals Sheltered
With the Family.

It is well known that the pigs De
longing TO the poorer peasants in the
villages of Ireland are practically
"members of the family" The house
is to all intents and purposes their
rightful lodging and eating quarters.
Ireland, however, is not the only
country in which one may find live
stock indoors. as in the outlying vii
lagos in the northern part of Russia
Ii e family COW (nearly every house
hold owns one) is under shelter for
eight months out of every twelve. says
London Answers.
The whole countryside is mass of
snow for months on end, and 40 to 80
degrees below zero is not uncommon;
so the poor beasts have to be cooped
up. They are fed-or, rather, nearly
starved. on SIENNA grass, collected and
stored by the Russians during the short
summer, and they emerge when the
snow has disappeared very thin in
deed.
Although living in the same habita-
ton as their owners, they are allotted
a separate apartment. The chickens
are also sheltered in the living and
sleeping rooms and are "hutched" in
the fireplace
The fire actually is about two and
half feet above the level of the floor,
and with few thin pieces Of wood
the aperture underneath is easily con-
verified into a coy place for the fowls
! in the winter.
In the village in the Nile district,
where the houses have fiat tops, the
natives make use Of the roofs to
"house" their smaller live stock, such
as sheep, goats and poultry.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
OFFICIAL NOTICE

NOTICE is HEREBY GIVEN ia accord
ance with Section 62.16, Subsection (h9
to be that the Common Council Of the City
of WauWatosa viii, at an adjourned regular
meeting TO be held al 1880 O'Clock i. n,
Friday, April 2Ist, 1922, consider the kind or
received for paving the portion:
Fifty-third Street, from Grand Avenue to
Southerly City Limits.
The above portions Of street to be paved
with one of the following kinds Of permanent
pavement the lowest bids for which a~e set
forth herein:
One-course, not reinforced ....--..--.-..S 81 5
Light traffic sheet aspha Il on concrete
base -. =. &. no Do
using coal tar cement ......-... no bid
Bitumin0us concrete on concrete base,
using asphaittc cement. no bld
At this meeting If the property owners OF
a majority Of the frontage of the above
mentioned portions of streets shall present
petition in writing, signed by them as here
matter provided, requesting that the said
paved with one OF the above mentioned pave
ments, the Common Council shall let the
contract for the pavement requested ia SAID
petition.
Each person signing such petition shall be
required to furnish a written description OF
has property and slsis place of residence, and
affix thereto an affidavit that he is such
sented by the owners of majority Of the
frontage TO be improved, the Common
Council may select the pavement and AVA u
the contract therefor.
Dated at Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. this I4th
A. V. BRIGHAM
City Clerk
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
Master Of STYLE.

The truth of the matter is, that
neither he who is fop in the world is
fit man to be alone, nor he who has
set his heart much upon the world,
though he has never so much under
standing; so that solitude can be well
fitted and sit right but upon very
few persons. They must have enough
knowledge of the world to see the
vanity of it, and enough virtue to
desplse all vanity; if the mind be pos
sessed with any lust or passions, a
man had better be in q fair than in a
wood alone. They may. like petty
thieves, cheat US perhaps and pick our
pockets in the midst of company, but
like robbers they use TO strip and bind.
or murder US, when they catch us
alone. This is but to retreat from men
to fall into the hands of Devils
Abraham Cowley.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
euernsex,s Oldest Charter.

Just recently search in the
archives of Exeter cathedral has
brought to light the oldest charter re-
lating to the royal court of Guernsey,
and confirming a grant Of land by
Peter Yiyer to the abbey of Mont St.
Michel. This in itself would be in
teresting, but the document reveals
one or two other important historical
facts, viz, that the president OF the
court of Guernsey in ITO was called
viscomte. and therefore administered
as duchy was, and that the court
was royal court (Curia Regial. *
was only in later years that a measure
of self-government was conferred on
the islanders.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1922-04-14
OFFICIAL NOTICE.
NOTICE TO CONTRACTORS.

Sealed proposals will be received by the
Board of Public Works in and for the City
of Wauwatosa, Milwaukee County, Wisconsin
until 1880 o'clock +. NJ. Friday, April 21.
1922, at the office of the City Clerk 21S
North Main Street, for furnishing material
and labor for laying water main in various
streets in the City of Wauwatosa, Milwaukee
County, Wisconsin, as follows:
Eighth Avenue, from Lake street to the
north curb line of East North Avenue re-
qures the laying of
1850 lineal feet of 8 inch cast iron water
50 iineaI feet Of 6 inch cast iron water
main;
hydrants. including hydrant branches;
together with all necessary special castings.
East Center Street. from Seventh Avenue
to Eighth Avenue. requires the laying of
800 lineal feet Of, inch cast iron water
main;
gates;
together with all necessary special castings,
Bidders are TO state price per lineal
foot for the water main This price is TO
include the cost of the main as well as the
cost of the gates, gate boxes, MIGRANTS, and
hydrant branches.
The above quantities are approximate only
and are subject TO change.
Payment for the work viii be by special
improvement certificates for the private
property which viii he assessed for the cost
| OF a inch water main and cash by the
! City of Wauwe tosa.
Proposals must be accompanied by n GER
| titled check for ten (t0) per cent of the
total bid. payable to the City Clerk, Wauwa-
] tosa Wisconsin. and conditioned that the
| bidder will IN case his proposal is accepted,
| enter into contract for the performance OF
/ the work in said proposal specified.
Bidders must make examination Of the
| work and submit bids in accordance with
! detailed plans and Specifications on file In the
| offices of the City Clerk and the City Engi-
/ ut5r.
/ The right to reject any and all bids is
reserved to the City of Wauwatosa.
Dated Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, March 81,
1929.
THE BOARD OF PUBLIC WORKS,
| BY A. V. BRIGHAM,
| Sw2 Secretary