Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-10-18

A SMILE
The thing that goes the farthest.
Toward making life worth while
That costs the least and does the most
Is just a pleasant smile.
1t pays higher interest,
For it is merely lent
It's worth million dollars,
And doesn't cost a cent.
Olympic Club, San Francisco.
- y Il
How would you test home brew to
see if there is any wood alcohol in it"
asked the old soak
"Why, strain it through a silk hand
kerchief and see if you get any splint-
ers," replied the youg soak.
AN ABUSED BOY
Mother-"Now remember, Johnny
there's a ghost in that dark closet
where keep the cake"
Johnny-"Funny you never blame
the ghost when there's any cake miss
ing; it's always me-"
You can by amusements and pleas
ures-they come from without. But
you cannot buy happiness and content
they come from within.
4 y 4 y
The truly good man will go to sleep
in church rather than let his mind
wonder on the price of hogs.
Joe the Piodder, says that one of
the big differences between a man and
woman is that the man can't shop
without buying something.
y ~ =
Mother-Now, Victor, what does a
clever, nice little boy do when he is in
a tramcar and sees an old lady who
has to stand up?
Son-He pretends he is asleep.
y = n y
When money talks no one stops to
criticize it's grammer.
r 4 4 y
As the Sunday school teacher enter
er she saw leaving in great haste a
little girl and her smaller brother.
why, Mary, you aren't going
away?" she exclaimed in surprise.
"Plethe, Miss Anne, we've got to
CO." was the distressed reply. ''Jim-
my thawallowed hith collection"
n n n
- My Flivver
| have little motor car, it's the
apple OF my eye. If you know me,
you'll easy guess the kind of car I'd
buy. 1t rattles like the very Dutch,
its radiators brass; now you know
what kind it is, you will not need to
ask. bot it second handed, had it
two years, more or less; and in that
time it's been in almost every kind of
mess. The top is patched, the cush-
ions torn, the tires all wrapped with
wire; it's been turned over thirteen
times, and twice it's been afire. /
sprung the axle badly once, in runnin'
Ger cat; the hoods been lost for
most six months, don't know where
it's at. One tenders torn completely
off (I ran into tree); the fan won't
work, but I don't care, that doesn't
bother me. For when she feels ex-
actly right, and everything's in trim,
she'll hit speed of forty per, that's
true, so help me Jimi Every one
knows the dear old bus for many miles
around; and she's been stalled in each
mud hole from my place into town.
Tho its expenses keep me broke, and
takes most all my yen, if any gent
should steal the thing, I'd send him
to the pen. But am not at all afraid
that such fate will befall; for there is
no one else but me can make her go
at all. And tho to get her started off
is sometimes quite a task, she takes
me there and brings me back, so what
more could ask?
n n 4 r.
Jack-You should have seen Helen
run that quarter mile.
Delbert-What did she run it in?
Jack-I'll be darned if know what
you call 'em
\ n y r
If been can sting like the devil on
diet of honey, what would he do on
a diet of lemon juice?
Many are called but few get up.
y Il n n
So your sons a contractor? What
kind?
Debts.
John ID. says he wants to live I'M
til he is 100 years old because ''life is
so filed with interest" Most men
want to die for the same season.
they get tired paying it.
The burglar motto seems to be
where there's till there's way"
y n
A FAILURE
Snobleigh-And what did you find
out about my family tree?
Genealogist-That the crop was a
failure.
The Censor editor says one reason
there is so much sadness in the world
is that somewhere it is always time to
get up in the morning.
4
What5ks going to be the penalty
for bootlegging coal this winter?
q
When man is counting girl he
just can't bear to have her out of his
sight. When he's married to her a
short time, she just won't let him get
out of her sight.
y
TOUGH LUCK
Agent-But mum, it's a shame to let
your husbands life insurance lapse.
Lady lover wash tub)-I1 not pay
another cent. I've paid regular for
eight years an I've had no luck yet.
AN EXTREMIST
Mrs. Exc is a great stickler for
form and ceremony, isn't she?
should say SO. Why, that woman
would insist on dressing up to enter
tain an idea.
One reason a fellow doesn't attract
much attention after he is dead is the
ad isn't changed often enough on his
tombstone, opines the Censor man.