Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1922-09-14
RUNNING TO SEED
sylvester Urban Discourses on
So-CaIled Human Race.
Van Sse Nothing But Atrophy as Re-
suis Of the Labor-savina Devices
Of Present Day.

I'm only twenty-eight wears old-
Saiu sylvester Urban, according to
New York sun writer. land I'm afraid.
I'm AFRAID of the future. I'm afraid
or civilization"
w hats come over you nOw?" asked
MS friend. I've heard YOU utter some
strange sentiment over glass Of
third rail, but this latest is beyond me.
HOW can one be afraid of civilization
One might well shrink I'm his shoes
at the thought OF return to savarery
or barbarism. But life becomes safer
with every ensuing year of civilization.
Just look about you at all these safe
guards"
That's just it," broke In Sylvester
sadly. You've hit the crux Of the
matter right off. Just look about YOU.
as you say. and what do you see? Here
we are in an average New York apart
ment-four rooms and bath. Above us
is an electric chandelier. When YOU
want light just press button. There
Is radiator. If you want heat on
a frigid day just lean over from your
easy chair and turn knob. Or do YOU
prefer the cheer Of an open CRATE fire?
Just turn on the gas.
"Wouldst dine? Just telephone a
delicateSSen and presently the dumb
waiter bell will buzz and Your food
arrives in the kitchen. A fire In the
range is yours for the striking of a
match and the turning of let. Hot
water? Twist faucet. Drinking
water? Twist another faucet.
zone usually has garbage after a
meal. A most trifling matter. Dump
it in the garbage can and send 1t
down the dumbwaiter. Music after the
dessert? Put on n record. 1t has one
OF these repeaters-latest thing. you
know. No need to bother with the
machine until Ii runs down. In the
next room is an electric reproducing
piano. The worlds greatest artists
perform for you and you don't have
to turn a finger, so to speak. The
door bell rings. There Is the mail
and the newspaper.
suppose l want to go downtown to
work or shop. l just step into sub
way and sit down. When | leave the
train l don't even have to walk out
of the station. 1 merely stand on an
escalator. Arrived at the street, de-
eide, perhaps, to take II taxi. I Just
get in and sit down. When I reach
my ultimate destination the chauffeur
opens the door of the cab for me and
the doorman opens a portal for me
to enter the store.
Leaving the store I take Fifth
avenue bus to my office. l go on top
TO get the fresh air and find they've
even incloscd the upper deck in glass
10 protect children of civilization from
healthful ozone.
Don't you see that everything Is
moving n finger, SO to speak? Feel
my muscles. There's nothing to them.
l couldn't lick healthy ten-year-old
boy and l couldn't run five blocks
without staggering from exhaustion.
Ny body. the thing live in, the thing
that keeps me alive, is becoming OBJ
solcte and is fallen into disuse through
the safeguards of civilization.
And don't forget that the & fo.d
purveyed in these latter days Is encr-
waiting To our teeth. An eminent phySi-
cal culturiSt urges us to tug nj
handkerchief with our molars each day
as Il substitute for the exercise for
merly got by chewing strong. coarse
foods. Think OF that. Men chewing
at rags like babies!
as there really to he such thing
Il IL, L.. ~.
product of higher civilization? .IudC-
ing from my own life average men
are going to form race of pyginieS
physical dwarfS. anemics."
And Mr.. Sylvester Urban with
feeble hand lifted Il glass to his lips.