davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
Hot from the Ouija Board
Great Britain Rights Reserved.

LOUIS DE LUMP-Since the
World War and the wholesale de-
thronement Of kings, can you give
me the names of the kings still re-
naming
A. Sure, King Of Hearts, King Of
Spades. King Of Clubs and King Of
Diamonds.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

PUSSY FLOSs-I have been try
ing to get my grandmother to wear
short skirts, but she refuses. Can
vou tell me how TO get her to wear
short skirts?>
4. We do not know any cure for
knock knees.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
It Was Safe.

LIE entered a crowded railway carl
- riage and placed heavy box
almost a small trunk-on the rack.
A nervous passenger eyed the
precariously balanced package for
a moment, and then ventured; III
say, do you think that's safe?'
"Oh, yes" said he cheerfully.|
Its locked"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

GINHOUND-Where can get
receipt for picked peaches?
A. 1t is a dangerous thing to get
anything for good-looking women
who are intoxicated. Why don't
you wait until the picked peaches
sober up and then let them tell you
from whom you can get the receipt.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

o. L. BRAGGER-I am a travel
ling man and it is very essential
that I dress neatly. When l reach
n hotel I can neatly arrange my
coat and vest. for / carry hangers
for this purpose, but how can hold
up my trousers?
A. Try suspenders.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
Thrifty Wives.

TWO women were arguing about
- thrift.
Dye see that purse?" demanded
one, with triumphant air. Its
the one I bought when l was first
married, twenty years ago"
"That's- nothing!" sneered her
friend. "You know my husband,
john"
of course I do. What about
him.
well, he's my first husband, and
you've had three. Don't you prea en-
thrift to me-"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

BUSTER NOZE-What is this
beer I hear so much about? Is It
vegetable, animal or beverage?
Where can I see what beer looks
like when 1t is dry?
A. Ask your dad to show you the
vest he wore about three years
hgo and look at the stains thereon.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

SHEESA PEACHE-I have an
attic room in a country boarding
house. One Of the shingles came
loose, which left an aperture
through which it rains on me while
1 am sleeping, as my bed is direct
ly under the said aperture. I con-
tracted a cold therefrom and de-
spite my continual complaints to
the boarding house keeper she
ignores me. What can l do about
this matter OF the hole In the roof?
A. We will look into II.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

BOOB INSTANTANEOUS we
have dinner my daddy always says
a prayer first. One OF our board
ers objects. Do you think dinner
should start with prayer?
A. No, with soup.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

MISS CON SEPTIoN - From
where does the U. S. get its supply
Of chestnuts?
A, From the comic papers. Ex-
ample: Altho 1t has no feet we
nave often seen a chestnut-stand.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

A. FATE HEDDE-I am cross
eyed. Whenever am in the coun-
try my eyes run. Can you tell me
the cause?
A. We do not know anything
about cross country running.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

A. USHER-I want to become
engaged to a girl that I have been
counting for a year. How can I
give her a ring?
A. BY looking up her number in
the telephone book.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

S. o. ST. have just bought
house previously occupied by an
Italian lunch club. How can I rid
1t of the odor of garlic?
A. Fry onions.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
Matter for Thought.

He was to take her for a trip in
- his new yacht the next day, and
she was questioning him about it.
How awfully nice OF you to name
the boat after mel" she giggled
What is she like?"
"Well-er." he answered, She's
not much to look at, you know, but
she's very fast"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

SIMPLE q. PLUMP-How do
you wash dirty shirts?
A. We don't wash dirty shirts.
We write silly answers to foolish
questions. Inquire Of the nearest
laundryman.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
From Here
and There
His Move.

THEY sat in silence for some time.
"of what are you thinking" he
asked, presently.
She blushed and moved uneasily
in her chair.
"Never mind" she returned,
sharply. Its your business to pro-
pose; not mine"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

A. w. UPPE-They are continu-
ally telling me that Burns wrote
The Cotter's Saturday, Night"
Can you tell me what Burns?
A. Coal, wood, dried leaves, to-
bacco, etc.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

ANNA KYST-I frequently hear
father talk about a corkscrew, and
he keeps one hanging in the kit
chen and calls IL an heirloom.
What is a corkscrew?
A. A screwIdriver with paralysis.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

TILLIB COOMBS-I am on q
diet and all I have to eat all day
is grapes, cereal, chicken and spa
ghetti, potatoes, string beans.
steaks smothered with onions,
green pea salad. My friends in
form me that I should top this OF
with a Jelly roll. Please advise
me.
A. Until you have finished diet
ing we think what you need is q
hankroll.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
Heard Along
Broadway
The Psychology of It.

MOTHER (reprovingly)-When I
AVA was young, girls never thought
of doing the things they do to-day.
Daughter-Well. that's why they
didn't do them.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

Asst ROLOGY--When will there
be an eclipse of Luna?
A. How should we know. Write
TO the Lunacy Commission.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

MRS. FULLER-We cannot tell
you what is kept in the Presidents
Cabinet.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

EZRA PLoWSHARE-How can
I keep worms from my apples?
A. Allow half dozen good lively
fish to hang around your orchard.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

ALICE HAwKINS-No, a politi-
cal campaign is not opened with a
can-opener.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

POLLY TIX-Can you tell me
the two most important measures
before Congress at the present
time?
A. Liquid and dry.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22
X Hiss CoE oUETTE-I am

X Mss COE QUETTE-T am
N keeping company with a
S young man who works at
night, and the only time l can see
him is on Sundays. told him l
was going out with other men on
Saturdays, and though I am pretty
and plump he says he does not OBJ
tect. So I am going out with any
one who asks me to go out. Am
! doing right?
A. Positively. Send us your
address.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

A. GAMBLER-Who was the
first broker?
A. The earliest we know was
when Noah floated his stock.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

OTTO-No, you do not have to
pull a trigger to make a parachute.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

EDMUND-No, Spanish mackerel
are not caught in casta-nets.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

Great Britain Rights Reserved.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-01-22

Copyright. 1922. by star Co.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1922-08-31
Local News

The trouk fishing season closes a
midnight tonight.
If U can't c enuf C DIR. Clough al
the Gladstone Sept. 18th.
DR.. Jonathan Miller, chiropractor
has opened offices at Roberts.
Mrs. Mary Smith Of Ellsworth is {
guest of Mrs. F. Arnbruster thi.
week.
Fordson Industrial Exhibition. Min
nesota State Fair, Sert. 2 to 9, 1922
adv.
Mr.. and Mrs. III. StarKs of Els
worth visited at the ]. E. Morgan
home Sunday.
N. P. Paulson of Hastings has pur
chased Ed. Brevold's confectionar,
business at Osceola.
Miss Alice Stapleton leaves tomor
row morning to return to her schoo
at Thief River Falls, MINI.
Mrs. George Searle, of Raymond
Wash, is visiting at the home of hel
mother, Mrs. Josephine Reed
Mrs. Carrie Nordby and son Roy
motored to Green Bay Sunday to Wis
it Mr.. and Mrs. Walter Nordby.
The annual street fair is being stag.
ed at Hammond on Wednesday
Thursday and Friday of this week.
Sweeping compound for school
houses at lower prices. Let us fill
your requirements. A. w. Iund Co
adv.
John Reynolds, Of Spooner, visited
at the j. E. Morgan home and with
other friends here the latter part OF
last week.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Danckwart Of
Lake City visited at the home of the
latter's sister, Mrs. Cliff Symes, Sat
urday and Sunday.
Will the women please read the
notice elsewhere in this paper, OF the
all-day meeting to be held in the City
Hall Monday, September A. $50
For Sale-Crab Apples for making
Jell, Apple Butter, ETC., $1.0O per
bushel delivered at your door, while
they last. Mrs. c. E. White, phone
1903.
Miss Melvin, of Westby, Wis.,, was
a guest of Mrs. A. N. Schoonover
Saturday and Sunday. She was en-
route to Aberdeen, WASH, where she
will teach the coming year.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1922-08-31
Eat More Of Shepard's Honey!
Can for the LAVELLO Havana


Cigar. 1t pleases.--ady.
"The Newcomer" and the River
Falls Golf Club-see page 6.
Mrs. H. j. Elliott and daughter,
Miss Florence, spent Saturday IN st.
Paul.
Fordson Industrial Exhibition, Min
nesota State Fair. Sept. 2 to 9, 1922.
adv.
Big variety of trunks. travelling
bags, and suit cases at A. W. Lund.
C0.--adv.
Mr.. Sam Ettinger returned to St
Paul Tusday after few days visit
at N. A. Parsons.
Try Walters Ice Cream. BE your
own Judge. No better made outside
the Twin Cities.-adv.
Lewis Wills of Corning, Cal, and
Chester Gray, of st. Paul, are camp
ing at Glen Park this week.
Prescott Pavilion-next dance Fri
day, Sept. /. Flanders orchestra with
sRed'' Stendall, singer.-adv.
Louis Bragstad and family have
moved from the Taggart house to the
home of Nj. A. H. Lord, on Fourth
street.
Mr.. and Mrs. August Beorn, who
had been visiting relatives in this VI
cinity. returned to their home in Chi
cago, Monday.
The banks of the city will be closed
on Monday, Labor Day, but will not
observe Tuesday, primary election
day, as holiday.
The firemen's pavement dance and
celebration at Hastings, which was
planned for last week, has been IN
defnately postponed.
One more chance for good time
before the FAIR. DANCE WITH US
at our next dance in the Fair Ground
Pavilion, Friday, September S.-adv.
E. Thoner, of Ellsworth, visited in
he city Monday. He stopped here
enroute home from Milwaukee. where
he had been engaged as barber dur
ing the summer.
Supt. H. A. Aune of st. Croix
county announces at school board
convention to be held in Hudson
Thursday, Sept, IA, with teachers
institute continued on the 18th.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1922-08-31

Mr.. and Mrs. A. j. Brown and baby
motored to st. Paul Sunday.
| Miss Mace Alton left Tuesday foi
Seattle, Wash, where she will teach
Garage for rent. Inquire of Mrs
Nellie Toby, 205 West Cascade Ave.
adv.
FOrdson Industrial Exhibition, MIN
nesota State Fair, Sept. 2 to 9, 1922.
adv.
Red" Stendall, singer, with Elan
ders' orchestra, at Prescott Pavilion
Friday, Sept. LADY.
Mrs, Eva Shepard and daughter
Miss Merle, returned home Sunday
from two weeks visit with Mrs.
George Frye, in Polk county.
Hiram Barg and Nick. Wiger re-
turned home the latter part of last
week from a visit with the latter's
uncle, DR.. N. N. Wiger, at Seattle,
Wash.
Paint before it is too late. Lowe
Bros. High Standard Paint makes a
uniformity smooth surface that re-
sists weather. Get at A. w. LunI
&c. now.--adv.
Mr.. and Mrs. c. E. White, and
children, Ophelia and Nevin, visited
at the home of Mrs. Whites cousin,
Mrs. Melvin Holt, near Elnrwood Sat-
urday and Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. VIM. Brooks and
daughter, Miss Roberta, returned to
East Troy Friday after a few days
visit at the home of Mrs. Brooks sis
ter, Mrs. M. A. Shepard.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. p. Knowles and
sons, Warren and Robert, and Mrs.
Mae Deans, returned home Sunday
from a weeks outing at The Hobby,
Lake Viola, Burnett county.
Mr.. and Mrs. Stephen Phenning of
this city and Mr.. and Mrs. j. S.
Grisom, of Cannon Falls, Mimi, Wis
tied at the home of Louis Phenning at
Spring Valley, Mimi, Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. B. S. Potter arrived
today from Minneapolis for a few
days. visit at the home of Mr.. and
Mrs. E. E. Buck, after which they will
leave to spend the winter at Miami,
Fla.
Mr.. and Mrs. AL. Streibel, Mr.. and
Mrs. George Clargett and daughter,
Miss Myrtle, and Bruno Knyphauser
and daughter, Miss Bertha, all of st.
Paul and Miss Agnes Lightner, of
Hudson, spent Sunday at the William
Ray home.
Mr.. and Mrs. Clarence Faber and
baby motored here from Albert Lea
Sunday for short visit at the home
of Mrs. Faber's parents, Mr. and Mrs.
Henry Richards. Mr.. Faber returned
that evening, Mrs. Faber and the
baby remaining for a longer visit.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1922-08-31

Mr.. and Mrs. N. A. Kruger of st.
Paul arrived here Monday for visit
at the home of their nephew, H. c..
Kruger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1922-08-31

Mrs. H. c. Kruger and son Leo,
Mrs. N. A. Krueger and Mrs. s. $.
Crownhart visited relatives in Red
Wing Tuesday.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

AS members OF the Associated
Press that organization is enhued
exclusively to the use for repun-
lication of all news dispatches
credited to it or not otherwise
credited in this paper and all the
local news published herein. IA
rights of republication OF special
dispatches herein are also res rv-
ed.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
DIZZY MOTORIST
SAVED BY CAPSULE
Dangerous Stomach Gas Relieved
by Jaques' Little Wonder
Capsules

Many motorists know what a
narrowing experience it is to have
a sudden attack of dizziness,
brought on by Indigestion. Every
thing goes back, control Of the car
is lost and unless driving is stop
ped until relief can be had a dan
gerous accident may follow.
f. II. Foster of Dorchester,
Mass, tells how a motoring friend
overcame his trouble. He writes
"The Little Wonder Capsules re-
ceived and they have been doing
wonders not only in my family but
with a couple of friends, one of
them, who had to stop his auto
on account of dizziness from gas
on the stomach, has found that one
capsule a day serves the needed
relief. Personally they give me
relief from starchy indigestion
and | have never found anything
work as we'll"
If you suffer from dyspepsia, in
digestion OF constipation get this
quick relief today.
On sale by w. 3. Eastman, st.
Johnsbuly; O. B Cutting G. Son,
Concord; Chas H. Cobuln, West
Burke, VT, of 60 cents by mail
postpaid for large package from
JaQues Capsule Co., Plattsburg, N.
Y-Advertisemcnt.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

FOREIGN REPRESENTATIVE
The julius Mathews Special
Agency Offices: Boston, Bea-
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

Detroit, 242 Lafayette Boule-
yard West.
New York. III Madison Avenue.
Chicago, 1411 Hartford Build
ing.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

There was a Charlie Chaplin
Djcktura erround at the Little
Grand yastidGqy, me not thinking
ma would give me the money to
90 on account Of me having saw
mcnv movies lately, bat / thavt
ID ask her enywayy lest for luck.
Wich | did, and She scd, Ger
tony not, do you wunt to turn
INTO q movie? and pop sed, How
do you ixpect the boy to under
sand enV Suteh Exaggerated rca-
son as that for refusing d request,
dident YOU ever hoer of the sys-
TEN Of fetching by Example?
Examples OF wat? sed ma, and
pop sed, Wen, Jest for instants.
| will give Benny an Example of
WV he shouldn't 20 to see this
Chaplin pickture and then he will
feel quite satisfied to stay home
Seeing is believing, sed ma, and
pop sed Then Jest lisscn and
lcrn, now Benny you wunt to go
and see this Charlie Chaplin pick
ture, don't you?
Yes sir, / .ed, and pop sed, And
you've seen sevrel other Charlie
Chaplin pickturcs in the past few
months, haven't you? and | sed,
Yes sir, and pop sed, Now jest let
me tell you little instants of
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
West DanviIle

Mr.. and Mrs. Ed. Badger and
children were in st. Johnsbury,
recently.
Mr.. and Mrs. Gilbert Hastings
spent Monday in St. Johnsbury
Center with his sister, Mrs.
Knowlton.
Mrs. Richard Hatfield spent
Wednesday in st. Johnsbury,
Hazel and Florence Perkins OF
Johnson visited their Grandpar-
ents, Mr.. and MIS-. John Brickett,
Thursday.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

TUESDAY, FEB. 20, 1922
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
LYNDONVILLE

Joseph Chaycr has had electric
lights installed in his house.
Mrs. VIII Grant has been quite
sick for several weeks with rheu-
matiSm.
Mr.. and Mrs. Herbert Stearns
have moved from the Gleason
house on South street. At pres
ent, Mrs. Stealns and baby
daughter are visiting her family
in Yonkers, N. Y, and Mr.
Stealns is boarding. They will not
go to housekeeping until after her
return
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

and we will publish your address
so that any of the above parties
will communicate with YOU.
Among those who have work to
offer is:
C. B. C.-Housework for wo-
man of middle age.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
NEWPORT HIGH
SHOULD ENTER
CHAMPIONSHIP
Series to Be Held at U.
V. M. Gym. On March
1925

BURLINGTON, Feb. 28-The
high school basketball champion
ship of Vermont is to be decided
at a post-seaSon basketball touln-
ament to be played in the Univer-
sity of Vermont gymnasium on
Friday and Saturday, March "a
and %, under the direction of the
athletic department of the Uni
verSity. This was decided at a
meeting held here.
Entry blanks will be mailed to
all high schools in the state hay
ing basketball teams and they will
be invited to submit scores for the
present season together with
other data towards substantiating
their claims TO enter the state
high school championship basket
ball series. From these scores
and data a committee consisting
of A. Clyde Engle, director Of
athletics at the university, Prin.
II. A. Swaffield of Montpelier
high school, Prin. II. Il. Dickin-
son of St. Adams high school
Coach Harold |. O'B1icn of Rut-
land high school and one other,
not yet named, will select the
teams to compete in the cham
pionship series. 1t is expected
that there will be eight teams
chosen.
As result of the tournament
it is expected that an all-VeImont
inter-scholastic basketball team
will he selected.
The present plans will allow
each teamto be represented by
eight players and the manager.
Plans arc under way for the Sc
lection of disintereSted officials
who viii be announced later.
The rules governing the tourn
ament viii be those of the head
masters club OF Vermont, so that
the principal OF each school will
have to certify the players repre-
scnting his school in the usual
manner as if they were playing in
regular league games.
The two teams which make the
best showing. in the Rutland tour
nauent, VIII be among those to
compete in Burlington.
Newport High school with its
remarkable series Of basketball
victories is well qualified to enter
this championship series. The
fast Newport team would certain
ly stand a good show Of winning.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

Newport High school with its
remarkable series Of basketball
victories is well qualified 10 enter
this championship series. The
fast Newport team would certain
ly stand d good show of winning.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
BACK TALK

The reorganization Of the Yer
mont Fish and Game league is Il
fine thing for the State, but the
Montpelier Argus thinks it should
be remembered that politics killed
the old league and it should not
be allowed to happen again.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

The CaledonianRecord assumes
no financial responsibility for ty-
biographical errors in advertise
ments but will reprint that part of
an advertisement in which the ty-
biographical error occurs. Adver-
Users will please notify the mar
agement Immediately of any err
-ors which may occur.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

Passumpsic Lodge No. 81 F. and
A. M.
Regular communication Thurs
day evening March 2 at 7.30 for
dispatch of business.
Arthur NJ. Lang. w. NJ.
Fred II Dolloff, Sec.
ROYAL AND SELECT
MASTERS
The annual district meeting Of
the Fourth Crvptic District, r. and
s. NJ. will be held at the Masonic
Temple, Wednesday, March /, at
7.30 p. m. Degree work by Or
leans Council No. 10 of Newport
and Caledonia Council No. 13 of
st. Johnsbury. Banquet at 6.15 p.
m. at rs cents per plate.
Fred II. Dolloif, d. D. G.. NJ.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28

Entered as second-class matter
May l, 1916, at the post Office at
st. Johnsbury, Vermont, under the
cat of Marcli 3, 1879.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-02-28
Have You Work
for These People

CONTINUED from Page II
parties can notify this office
through one of the regular blanks