Atlanta tri-weekly journal. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1920-19??, 1922-11-04
HARD TO PLEASE-By Dorothy Dix

"All men are polygamists by nature" said
an old LacheIor tie other day. "If we told
the truth every mothers son Of us would
have to admit that he would like to be the
grand pasha of harem containing all the
fifty-seven different varieties of women.
NOW civilization and morality, and the
high cost of millinery in these degenerate
days, prevent man from INDUCING himself
In wholesale matrimony. One wife at a time
is all the law, and his pocketbook, permits
him.
''And that's where the trouble comes It's
trying to fit the harem ideal to two by four
flat, and monagamy, that Is at the bottom
Of the divorce problem.
"For the man demands that his one wife
shall be a composite of all the charms and
graces OF her entire sex, and possess dozen
entirely different personalities. Naturally,
this is an impossibility, but when she fails to
do the chameleon ct, and change her color
to meet his varying moods, he feels defraud-
ed, and becomes dissatisfied With his bar
gain.
"The real reason why husbands tire of
their wives is seldom the fault oP the women.
1t is because the n expects to espouse the
whole Of womankind with one wedding ring
"Most men are not honest enough with
themselves to admit that the -ly in the matri-
monial ointment is their own unreasonable
demands upon their wives Suddenly they
realize that their Mary Ann Is distasteful to
them because she smells Of bread and but
ter, and that she bores them chattering of
the nursery. Or their Aspasth'a gets on their
nerves with her high browed conversation. Or
their Maud's bills appear to them too outrag-
eous to be borne any longer, and their
thoughts turn yearning1y toward some wom-
an who is all SOUL or they lore, for the sooth-
ing society of some lovely moron who does
not know whether reparation is the name OF
a new color, or a prohibition cocktail, or they
begin to think how comfortable it must be
To ho ma rriad IN wh doesn't
that a wife's whole duty Is to spend money,
and husbands . rake 1t for her to spend
''It isn't that the man Is really dissatisfied
with his Mary Ann, or Aspasth1a, or Maud. IL
is Just case OF other moods, other women.
That's why I have never married. I'm
no matrimonial prize. I'm not good enough
for one woman to say nothing of being an
eligible party for fifty-seven varieties, but
such as I am, I have such wide and catholic
taste in feminity that have never been able
to decide amongst them.
"For instance, just take the mere matter
of physical appearance Abstractly, l ad-
mire, above all else, the tall, stately goddess
who looks as If she had been born with
crown upon her head, and scepter IN her
hand If matrimony were only a grand
promenade with all the world looking on,
and applauding my taste In wives, how glad
Iy would I cast myself at the feet OF such
regal creature, and implore her to let me
be her humble and adoring slave.
linen l reflect that BOuuSSS WOulu NC q
terribly straining proposition to live up to-,
and I have a presentment that / would get
tired Of being on -nJ knees. And, anyway,
l also like a jolly, little woman who is just
a good armful, and whom l could pet ana
baby, and to whoa / could play little tin GOD
$50 there am, hung up between the horns
of that dilemma, not able to decide whether
would rather marry the woman whose beauty
I admire or the woman who admires my good
looks.
"Nor can I decide between the practical
and the intellectual lady. l can but fancy
how delightful it would be have wife
with whom could share my secret thoughts
and dramas dream of how good it would
be to roam through all the pleasant land OF
literature with a lovely Phi whose mind
was set above the sordid affairs of every day
life.
"But alas, l am a carnal creature, welded
to the flesh pots, anC I have observed that
women who dwell on the higher plane have
their yes turned up to the stars, and not
down on the kitchen.
81 have a horrid intuition that I wouldn't
be really interested in intellectual converse
ton if it were served UP at dinner where
the meat was overdone, and the vegetables
underdone, and the tablecoth wasn't on Wis
iting terms with the laundry
"And there / am again. I'd dearly love
wife who saw eye t. eye with me on Ibsen
and the Einstein theory, but on the other
hand, what wife LAS so potent spell with