Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-03-29
According to Hoyle

Alone on the ice, had no date
A dude passed by, this girl to win,
Stood on the ice where it was thin,
Tool; off his hat, made low bow,
There is no ice where the dude is now
X X x X
Dressed in her fathers trousers,
A silly maid one day,
Went and eloped with a fellow,
What will the papers say?
Read then the startling headline
(Such are the whims Of chance)
That sprang next day from the presses
"Flees in Papa's Pants
X n 4 X
Underneath this plot of green,
Lies the remains of u s. Marine,
How long he suffered no one can tell
But he's all right now,
He's a captain in hell.
Mary, Mary, light and airy,
Come out and have ball;
But no she wouldn't, she said she
couldn't
Shed take quart bottle, that's all.
II read where the doctors claim that
kissing is dangerous"
Dangerous! Well, / say it is dan
gerous."
why, what horrible effect can re-
suit from it,"
Marriage"
''Did your family all manage to get
away from the heat last summer?
"All but my mother-in-law-she
died"
ibid you ever catch your wife firt-
ing?" !,
you've got new arrival at your
house, hear"
"Can you hear it up where you live"
= y
With horseless carriage and smokeless
powder
Wen soon havecowless milk and clam
less chowder,
And when we get to having beeless
honey
Well probably have wireless matri-
mony
\ n x 4
All There is to Them
Some girls are fappers.
The rest are fioppers;
Some girls are truthful,
The rest tell big whoppers
X x X y
The Town Can't Lose
Eve must do away with these mud
holes. Too many motorists get stuck"
But the town people make money
hauling them out"
ooh, well get the money. Wen
/ fine 'em for speeding"
n X
Isaac: "You should pull the cur
tains down ven you kiss your wife. /
saw you last night"
Able: "The checks on you; / wasn't
home last night"
If Poe was poet, what was it that
Poe-et to make Poe poet?
Minor Musings
Husband and wife may argue as TO
who is boss of the house for while,
but not after : the : first . child !. comes
A Texas City widow says the reason
she broke her last engagement was
because her fiance was named Rice,
and the doctor had warned her to cut
out cereals.
"Jack says he just loves to play
with my hair"
"Then why don't you let him take
it home sometime :"
Our Complicated Language
She was from Boston, he was from
Oklahoma. "You have travelled a
great deal in the west, have you not,
Miss Bacon?"
ooh, yes, indeed-in California and
Arizona and even in New Mexico"
"And did you ever see the Cherokee
strip"
There was a painful silence, but
him and said: "Sir, / deem you ques-
ton exceedingly rude
| 1t may be the lack of calories or
vitamines that ruins the health of
children, but it is the lack of unsef-
ishness that ruins the health of ma
trimony.
"Mother, do peoplein mourning wear
black nightgowns 2"
"Why, no, WILLIE
swell, don't they feel just as badly
at night as they do in the day time?"
Another Victim
This is the dope on ChaunceyMcMann
Who went out to drive in his brand
1 IcH StQdtlf
Speed was his curse, he came home
in hearse,
A dead-to-rights case of a joy-riding
fan.
| X q X
A Complete Rest
"The doctor told me that ] must
take a rest"
"What are you going to do?"
4Oh, just quit golf and tend to my
business"
LII Gee Gee, tn Viroqua Vanp, seq:
| OF course our ancestors were MONKEYS
Didn't woman make monkey out Of
the first manf
q = .
Who Remembers
/ The good little boy who would run
errands for pennyf
The Birmingham (Ala.) Age-Her-
aid has found real human Interest
want-ad. It says: "Come home
John, I've sold the poodle"
/ - = y
Here We Come
Said the devil to his angels,
Heat up another vat,
An fill 'er up with birthstone,
Here comes the Office Cat.