New-York tribune., 1922-11-10
The IogUer
Cspr.. Nav York Tribune ina, isss

Is contemplate and as an expiana-
ton of the Einstein Theory 1t is alb
solutely unintelligible.' "A dramatic
reviewer, speaking of a play In
which we are more or less interested,
remarked that certain emotional
scene actually had a great deal Of
comedy in 1t, apparently in the be-
lief that the comedy lines somehow
got there without the knowledge of
the author.-Some Of these re-
viewers will one day make the dis
ccvery that Dante's Inferno" is not
comic opera.---"Where in this law
abiding and peaceful country does
Captain Peter Fitzurse fight all
those duels he is forever talking
about?" asks A, I. R.
He doesn't fight them in this coun-
try at all.---He patronizes the At
lantic Ocean.--He fights them be-
yond the three-mile limit, on his
Dueling Barge, the Jolly Pete, which
flies the flag of the Siamese Navy.
The Captain tells as that among
the other titles that he might wear
if he wished is that of Admiral in
the siamese Navy.
You may remember the gallant
battlecry of the Kings Of Siam:
I am the King of Siam!
For Petting / don't giue a dan,ni
Capid's aso god of me,
Though you may think 1t odd of
Tor I am Fighter, ami
But to return to the Captains
Dueling Barge, the Jolly Pete
When the Captain picks up some
pretty little quarrel, no matter what
part of the country he is in--no
matter what country--he and his
seconds and his opponent and his
seconds entrain at once for the sea-
port nearest the place where the
Jolly Pete happens to be.-Arrived
at the barge, all parties become
legally citizens of Siam, the laws
Of Siam, the Captain informs us,
permitting dueling, and being SO
framed as to admit aliens to citizen
ship upon application, when in
dorsed by an Adn,Ial of the Navy.
The =. duel is therefore fought upon
siamese soil.
The Captain is chivalrous soul.
He always insists that his oppo-
nent and seconds shall be his guests
for some days before the duel, so
that his opponent may practice and
not be hampered, in the use of
sword or pistol, by the rolling of
the barge.
The barge is being heightened
just now.-This step has had to be
taken as the result of most
iamentable episode.-"A gentleman
f. at least, thought him to be
a gentleman at the time i
forced a quarrel upon me, sir" said
the Captain, "by speaking with dis
respect OF the Pllantagenet family.
II have always considered the
Plantagenets one of the best fam |
lilies that ever reigned in England
Inc Plantagenets and the Fitzurses,
sir, came originally from the same
part of Normandy.-Their lands !
Joined, and the Plantagenet bows.
sir, were always Dick and sWill' |
and Harry to the Fitzurse boys
SO you can understand that 1t was
not only my duty but my pleasure
to resent this persons slur upon
the Plantagenet family.-I knocked
him down, and / would have nicked
his jugular vein with my sword, but
it happened that Just at that time
the stupid authorities had taken nv
sword cane from me.--Some ex-
presslons which he used gave me
the notion that he might be a man
OF mettle, and so decided to grant
him the honor of a duel.
Arrived at my Dueling Barge,
and all parties legally naturalized
rs citizens Of Siam, looked for
ward to delightful little affair.
terminating as usual.-But, would
You believe it, sir, the mans cour-
age deserted him at the last moment
and he and his seconds took refuge
behind a technicality to escape a
seconds had arranged
that we should exchange shots at
twenty PAGES, and we found that
eighteen PAGES was all the space we
could get on the deck Of nv barge.
Il prefer to fight at fifteen PAGES.
sir, especially since my eyesight is
not so sood as it once was.
He refused to modify the agree
lnent so as to make the duel pos
sible at eighteen PAGES, and accord
ng to the strict technicalities that
govern the duello. he had right to
refuse.-But a gentleman would
nave waived the point and fought
me- at eighteen PAGES.
AS soon as I perceived that he
vas not gentleman" continued the
Il ceased to treat the fell
oW with the consideration due a
u
What did !. You do9" we asked.
II took him by the scruff of the
neck. said the Captain, 'and pro-
oeiled hin to the rail Of the little
'essel. Damn you,' said. svnn
wv slander the Plantagenets, will
you" And with that I cuffed him
'ir' and kicked him overboard,"
The Captain paused.-"Wella we
tr.~ Z