Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-06-14

corrs,s-r 1921. ~ soc.s ALLAN soss-
Nature has favored neither feminine
or masculine gender. The same in
stinet that enables a mother to pick
her baby out from among a thousand
others enables a man TO distinguish his
lizzy out of crowd of that many
Fords.
x
Worth the Price
Mr.. Homebody-Did you hear about
it? A footpad stopped my wife last
night and beat her up badly. And all
he got for it was So.
Mr. Peewee-Can you give me his
address? | might do some business
with him.
Unnecessary
A congregation of negroes was used
to hearing sermons that harped con-
tinually on hell and eternal punish
ment. One Midsummer day the preach
er made no mention of hell. One of
the congregation asked him why he
had omitted it. Everything in sea-
son." he replied. "Du thahmometah
wuz at ninety-foh while / wuz a
preachin' dat sehmon. He'll spoke fob
itself, reckon
n
No Place to Stay
little Helen breaks in on her newly
engaged sister and her beau.l
Big Why, Helen, haven't
told you to stay in the kitchen with
Jessie till mamma comes home?
Helen-Yes, / know; but Jessie's
sweetheart just came too!
X X X X
HEAVEN
Jimmie was very fond of bread and
preserves, and one day just before
supper he came in, asking;
mother, may / have some bread
and preserves ?"
Jimmie, I've told you a dozen times
that you cannot have preserves before
dinner. Run out and play a while"
Well, | hope die soon," Jimmie
said as he was leaving his mothers
presence.
"Why, Jimmie 2" asked his mother.
well, I'll be sure to get lots of
preserves in heaven" he answered.
Who told you sol" asked his moth
er.
well, the Catechism says the Lord
makes preserves and redeems u.s." an
swered the theological Jimmie.-La
Crosse Weekly Review.
GOOD ADVICE
A portly woman had, by mistake.
taken seat in railway coach reserv-
ed for smokers. With unconcealed in
she saw the man next to her
fill his pipe.
Sir" she said in frigid tones, ''smok-
ing always makes me i'll"
The man calmly lit his pipe and
pulled contentedly, and at the same
time replied:
docs it, ma am? Well, take my
advice and give it up. Chicago Her
aid and Examiner.
FISHIN'
jes' set here a-dreamin,--
A-dreamin' every day
of the sunshine that's a gleamin'
On the rivers-fur away.
And kinder fall to wishin' =
was where the waters swish;
Fer if the Lord made fshin'
Why-a Teller orter fish,
While Pm studyin', or a-writin,
In the dusty, rusty town,
| kin feel the fish a-bitin'-
See the cork a-goin' down
So i nod an fall to wishin'
was where the waters swish:
Fer if the Lord made fishin'
Why-a Teller orter fish.
X y n 4
Wifey Won, as Usual
You did" he charged
Il did mott" she denied.
you did" he repeated.
Il did mott" she flung back.
WELL" said hubby, zone of us two
S a very capable liar. But there is
me thing which prevents me from say
ng which one"
"Modesty,I presume, "retorted WHEY
md he gave up, beaten.-Bos Tran |
cript.
Among the humorous letters bear
ng serious vein, received in Wash
ngton during the war, was the follow
ng:
Dir. Headquarters,
u. S. Armory.
lear Mr.. Headquarters,
My husband was induced into the /
ur1ace long months ago and | amt |
eceived no pay from him since he was
one. Please send me my elopement
S have a four months old baby and |
e is my only support and l kneed it
very day to buy food and keep US en-
losed. | am a poor woman and all |
hat have is at the front. Both sides
f my parents are very old and can't /
Inspect anything from them as my
Mother has been in bed thirteen years
With one doctor and she won't take
mother. My husband is in charge of
spitoon. Do ! get any more than I
m going to get? Please send me a
stter and tell me if my husband made
pplication for a wife and child and
lease send me a wife's form to fill
ut. | have alredy written Mr.. VIII
on and get no answer and if / don't
ear from Won | will write ITncla Sam