The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-01-18
The Diary of a Pale Blue Ass.
never saw n pale blue ass;
I've always wished to see one.
Meanwhile L do my level best
Endeavoring to be one.
L..

s q
ing that someone had told me something of
interest which l could not recall. Suddenly
remembered that some man whose name
could not bring to mind had offered me $4,000
a year to act as an umpire in some baseball
league and l had been on the point of accept
ing the offer when The Lady Who Hates to
Darn my Socks had nudged me in the ribs
and told me it was $50 and time to get up.
On, well, an umpire's life is not a merry one
and perhaps 1 am untitled for its rigors.
Still, the rough-house We have at the "Y"
ought to hit most anyone for the onerous duties
OF umpire. Last night not bad, as
we had only five men on a side in our bas-
ketball game instead of the usual seven or
eight
Reached the Office at 7:45 and scanned the
morning mail to see what Uncle Sam had
brought to lay on the sepulchre. l count that
day lost (nowadays) whose early rising sun
sees not dozen wheezes for my Fount OF Fun.
am beginning to look forward to the contri-
buttons of Scamozzi, Scorpio and AGawan, not
to mention those of Tim, Jay Sigmund, Winnie,
Merry Maggie, ct al. How long, 1 wonder,
will they continue to cast their beams of light
into my mausoleum? Perhaps not for long.
COntrbS are nothing if not tickle. Where, /
might sing, are the contribs of yester year {?
A NJ. S., G. E. H, A. Capriccio and score of
others And the more recent Cactus, too, is
silent now. All, well, contribs may come and
contribs may go but the colyum goes on
forever.i
One of the boys, enthusiastic about last
nights basketball, attempted to round up the
of the faithful agreed to come so he reluct-
anty called ii of. l spent a quiet, M o. L.,
evening at home, reading the comics to the
Young Ruftian and playing football with him
Jan. 4--Awake at $50 once more. Life
is queer cycle of useless performances. Twas
only yesterday that I awoke at $50, got up
and ate breakfast usual and went to the
office. Tomorrow 1 shall do the same thing and
the next day ditto. l thinkI should like to go
to sleep and awake to find myself in a pre-
vious existence, existence full of adventure
in strange lands in strange times, as did Jack
London's Star Rover. -.
Just remembered that yesterday was Fri
day the 18th. Perhaps that's the reason we
could gather but seven basketballers yester
eve.
To the office at 7:45. Nothing much hap
pened during the day except that the ghost
walked at IL o'clock. Home at and T. L w
II. I. d. m. S. and / came downtown to buy a
pair of overalls for the Young Ruffan Where
he is concerned the costur1ing problem would
be simplified were we able to get a green
kangaroo hide, encase him therein and let it
dry him A kangaroo hide cured in that
manner is just a trifie harder than pressed
STEEL and heaven knows he needs clothing of
that texture.
Met Jack Crist and his family on the street
and we blocked traffic for time with consid-
cradle conversation. He promised to call on
and he may surprise me by doing it One
never tell.
Later we raided the Rock Island Savings
Bank but the assistant cashier pulled an army
Colt on me, whereupOn l gave up nv an
nounced intention of robbng the place
Friend Joe, however, was more considerate.
expressing regret that had not called sooner
before the vaults had been locked up-when
he could have facilitated my grand larceny
The Bollngers invited to go home with
them but we feared our daughters ddspleasure
If we delayed our homecoming, so we went
home at $50.
Jan. 15-Up at and started the more pious
portion of the family towards their respective
Sunday schools, the Young Rufian electing to
accompany his pal Billy to South Park The
rest of the family had resolved to attend
church but for some reason which I cannot
recall the good resolution went fooey In the
evening, however, We succumbed to the whis-
perings of the devil and went to the Fort
Armstrong theatre to see Mabel Normand
good picture; rather it would be good picture
il it ended just following the near shooting
scene in Mollys newly acquired husbands
bathroom The rest of the film is thriller
bunk with, so far as see. no excuse for
its being, unless the producer desired to spoil
an otherwise excellent photo play; in which
case his success is complete.
WELL poisoned; Educator eld'-Hearst-
yammerer
If he is well poisoned why hold him? His>
chance of running away is slight
MR.. CHURCH is to be hanged; Mr.. Burcb
is to be tried again; Madalynne will be tried
Feb. 6, and Mr. ArbuckIe is being latter a
fashion, tried for the second time.
JUSTICE is simple thing; there is moth
ing devious about it But as the so-caIled
human race attempts to apply it
HARK to the Marian laughter,
"A r. MIC