The Birmingham age-herald., 1922-12-17

1FaIHeS.
 Good Lord deliver us--
 From monogrammed toilet sets in pale blue and pink tints, and all war literature. Good Lord deliver us
 From all things bought in Japan, convince the glvers that those things should remaln III Japan; and rom hand-palnted 'shoe-trees and from broeaoed "coat-hangers.'
 Good Lord, deliver us; From fountain pens that emulate Niagara Falls; from Bibles with magnitying glass print.
 Goou Loru dellVer us
 From manicure sets (of which have HOW lying in watlng for some body else thls Christmas-exactly four) rom photographs of some bodys baby that sou den't glve a 1 hurrah about; from Talks to Mothers" (when you aren't one and never expect to bel. 1 Good Lord delivsr us From "Niews of Yellowstone Park; from dinky little ink wells; from handsomely hand-painted and i provokingly empty "steins." Good Lord deliver us From silver jewel cases sitting 1 unsteadily on four little legs and lined with pink (the jewel cases not the legs); and from things decorated with bows of baby rlb- bon and artificial flowers. l Good Lord deliver us From purses (without money in l them) from Cook Books" that contain Recipes" which If we made things by we'd have indigestion so badly we couldn't enjoy Christ mas.
 l Good Lord deliver us | From cellulold lcoloredl collar and cuff sets.
 l Good Lord deliver us From two packs of playing cards in leather case and bridge whist | scores on brass cylinder. l Good Lord deliver us From cretonne-covered glove and ! handkerchief boxes; from beaded bags that the beads won't stay on; and "pie knives" when we board, and don't keep house. l Good Lord deliver us | From home made chiffon vel vet bags on "self" or metal frame, " with or without '.center compart- ment" for keeping money (when you haven't any). | Good Lord deliver us l From Art" laundry lists; from telephone register" Gin other 1 ...ox,l loo1,, Fo,. ,,,,r, bo5re oto \ . and from Copenhagen ware puppies and birds and things. l Good Lord deliver. us-
 From .quill pens'; from beaded chains; from folding umbrellas (that don't fold) and trick atomiz- ers' that don't atomize"-in other words, "work'). Good Lord deliver us
 From boxes containing one hun dred and twenty (120) sheets of paper and one hundred and twenty | (120) envelopes to match (if you spoil one envelope or two or three or four as I often do and then have to write up the paper so as not 1 to be short on envelopes) in "Lawnette" or "kid finish" 1 Good Lord deliver US l From diaries; from "HighbalP sets (when you haven't seen or even heard of real, honest-to- goodness highball since July l, 1919); from spangled evening scarfs" and collapsible shaving stands.
 Good Lord deliver us l From Heather fans" from bro- l caded pin trays; from "busts" of George Washington and Dante ana other famous men. Good Lord deliver us
 From handkerchiefs ''initialed" by machinery; from "letter open CTS" and ten-piece ivory toilet sets. l We beseech Thee to spare us good Lord
 From boxes of perfumed soaps, highly colored in green and mauve and ecrue shades as we'll as highly scented.
 We beesech Thee to spare us good Lord
 From gilt waste paper baskets from combination glass powder bowls and hand-painted mirrors in rose or cerlSe SIX.
 We beseech Thee to spare us good Lord
 From 13-piece Madeira luncheon sets; from the latest edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica; from cro- cheted bedroom slippers that don't fit and others with tacks in them that stick in your feet. | We beseech Thee to spare us good Lord
 | From lacey, be-ribboned "bou- doir caps" that make us look like
 "The Wolf" in Little Red Riding
 Hood"; from combs and brushes in red plush boxes; from pincushions containing thousands of red-headed
 black-headed, blue-headed and white | headed pins that won't pin. We beseech us Thee to spare us l good Lord | From silk vests three sizes toe small; from Teddy Bears which are 1 just big enough for your little It.
 year-old daughter; from dinner
 chimes and after-dinner coffee sets | We beseech Thee to spare us good
 Lord
 | From lingerie "clasps" that don't
 clasp; from near-seal purses; and | from Martha Washington sewing
 tables.
 l Good Lord deliver US
 From all privy conspiracy involv- ing sleeve links; "Friendship" calen-
 dars; paper weights made out of old
 hoofs of Mexican horses, or Ger man helmets; from red satin heart
 shaped things that you think are one thing and when you "open lem up' ]! they turn out to be another; from