The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-02-10
The Diary of a Pale Blue Ass.
never saw n pale blue ass;
I've always wished to see one
Meanwhile 1 do my level best
Endeav0rins to be one.


|
Feb. 4.-To the task of recording the petty
dongs of a petty day 1 come with fear and
tremhlng-that is, almost For by these pres
ents be it known to all men that what is tran
scribed herein is "drivel". Well, neither the
expression nor the author of 1t smack of or
iginality. AS Trinculo put it, both have "a
very ancient and ish-lke smell; a kind not
of the newest.
Did l get I'D early or late this morning? 1
can't recall; and that is too bad, because it is
important that it be recorded Neither do l
remember whether reached the office on time
But, knowing the dependabllity OF The Lady
Who Hates to Darn my Socks, am sure
arose at the usual hour; likewise am l GER
tain the Young Ruffan was up at the same
moment. :. Home at 6; to bed at $3.50.
Feb. Sup at 1880 to start Sister and the
Y, r. to Sunday school. After they were gone
seized by an extraordinary (amazlng, IN
fact) desire to clean the bathroom. may
have failed as colyumist but a housewife
we'll, as the doughboy who was fed up on X. z.
duty remarked, l might have been good wife
for somebody. The bathtub never shone before
as it did when my labors were completed.
was tempted to esconce myself therein and
compose another "Soliloquy Written in a Bath
tub, (Advt), but the soiled condition of the
kitchen sink demanded my expert attention.
After that task was done the poetic urge had
left me; for sixth-rate rimester could
not be expected to find inspiration sitting in
kitchen sink
In the afternoon T l. w H. t. D m S. Iured
me out on the boulevard and walked down
town, having the wicked las viewed by some
perscns) intent to attend picture show. We
promised, however, on package OF Wrlg-
ley's best and then walked home again. The
rest of the family retired early while sat up
to read At 1880 the poetic urge again re-
turned. Result l went TO bed at lis a. IN.
Feb. Up at z. Hurried to catch the car,
forgetting for the moment that no one need
hurry to catch a one-man car. Decided need
ed exercise, SO ran all the way to the office,
proving, incidentally, that a one-man car could
not catch me.
Received a nice long contribution from
Eteocles which l welcomed much as l wanted
to leave the Office early. Reason: a party
scheduled at home this evening. At s o'clock
Mrs. Murphy catapulted against the front door
and fastened to open it to save the hinges.
few minutes later the rest of the gang
swarmed in and the party was Hearts
and rock were played and, as the rural
porter puts it, "a lovely time was had by all".
The Young Rufian ruined my reputation dur
by one of the guests, does your father come
home in the evening"" The reply start
ling. He don't COME home!" exclaimed the
Y. r. hid my confusion behind IA rock cards
and bid S0-with disastrous results for myself
and partner.
At HAS we tied on the feed bags (as they
say in the best circles) ant at 1925 we sped
the last of the parting guests. At 12:45 the
doorbell sent wild peal through the house
The family was decidedly en- deshabilIe but
opened the door to find Friend Emmett shiy-
ering in the near-zero temperature Jones
car is stalled" said he. Can you give me a
bucket of hot water to get 'er going?" l could,
said. But we decided the water would lose
its heat before he reached the sick sedan.
which was standing five blocks distant At
12 so the telephone rang This is Mrs. Jones'"
said the voice. Has Mr.. Jones started home
yet?" He had starteG-yes, told her, but the
car had got cold and refused to travel further
However 1 assured her, we had telephoned
MIR. Murphy, who kindly had volunteered to
come to the rescue of the marooned party A
few minutes later Murphy arrived and. we
piloted our returned guests through the party
debris to the front door, closed it behind them
and hoped devoutly land otherwise) that
Murphys would not fail to rise (or rolD
to the occasion. 1870 a. m. had
just placed a meditative knee on the edge of
my bed when-"ting-a- -a-ling" went the
phone This is Mrs. Jones' Has Mr. Jones
got started again yet?' l began to explain
that Murphy probably had roped him in by
that time. 81 think l hear him now" she in
terrupted. Eyes, that's he. He's here all right
Goodby." At 1:35 a. N. / was dreaming
that l was Macbeth and that a monster tele-
phone came to my bedside brandishing bloody
knife and repeating, with ting aling accom-
paniment: sleep morei Macbeth shall
sleep no more. Macbeth has murthered sleep; |
the innocent sleep; sleep that knits up the
ravelld sic re of care =" The end as
Carrie Jacobs Bond mistakenly wrote of a
perfect dayiii
CANDlDLY, now, if you were movie actor
your morals would be so dam much better
than the morals attributed to those who are
Frightening the first pages OF our leading .