The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-06-24
Radio Nipples
 Edited by Leslie A.Gould
SCRATCH FTUNKS IN
 SEVERE TEST
By DAVID P. GIBBONs.

By DAVID P. GIBBONS. On opening day of month which May One, CNationa1 Holiday for Bol- -sheviks), my cousin Scratchi make very vain attempt to gain new style license.
 Before he go for exam scuatchi have devote several daily hours at local ham foundry gathering speed and can copy group-stpasnls like 6BJW2 and so forth a tthirty per. so for grand final he give himself special tryout at NPGs spark press. He claim world record, as he grab all of code letters and quite a few Of Indian signs and Hungarian char acters which operator insert to make press of interest to general public. He then make breif trip on luXuriant 1 lumber tub and for practising, he re- wise downward all aaplparatus on board it. While doing thus one day, mate of this ocean bloodhound stick head
 into shack and yap out: Hay, you! ber!' 'T should infowm jap-eyed uni verse that you always do so.''
 Scratchi quiz him "Mightbe heated
 bath would assist you Such nasty cracker make the per cent Scowe-
 gian person quite rattly and he blow out: shut down! Pipe up! you
 poverty PoH fish! I should knock you Soratchi throw lightning switch into neutral and fill shack with fireworks
 and mate, go away from there. On return he appr oach Hon. Govt. 1nsp for slight receiving test which he believes are all necessary for such. Jolly Insp. Gent however remove this depression and express details for ex- pass thru from now onwards when desiring tickets. My cousin tell me in very peevy speech what he think of tf9ese, and whilst I think sometime he are rather silly burro, as Limmo one time inform him, yet, as even you can see, he have cause for pres ent burstup.
 First question which he pose at startled memory for people with faces, and my cousin insure him ''In-
 deed yes. I have first rank diploma from MT. Rotts Memorial Corres-
 bonding School, and one cal. back time
 when NPX last answer ship call.
 That count ten points, say Hon. Insp-; since to be purser you must
 be able to rapidly detect stowaways
 and buns from company officials mak- ign underground trips. What are your experience as good mixer and My cousin deny he are chasing
 bartend job, but Insp. tell him that good pursaer must be expedt hand
 shaker and easy mixer among all classes including movie actresses and so forth.
 ''But I are only seeking radio test for operating llcense,'' Scratchi blurb with vacant expression of really bus ! gent, "and only count two points. I now wish to discover if you have some freight clercking abilities con- cealed about your person." and he | donate to my cousin lengthy list of l edisonss which he must answer right off the batter. For instance here are some
 CD What are true rate on ripe to- l matoes, iburlap,pted and folded flat? :. CD How should you classify shovel
 handles. in glass, not decorated and | how many percents extra for refrig- eraung same when not requested by shipper?
 (S) Give correct rate on eggs, nest ed, but not otherwise indicated by (4) What are rate on fresh boot leg, in boxes, bales, barrels, cases, cartons, lockers, trunks, gunnysax an evrything?
 When my consin arrive at number foiDr he was waiving head sideways like movie comediot who have just received heavy police wal1op on dome, but number five was the cats mous- tache and he crumble over in exhaust. hr. nr. 5. How would you classify Ford car which come onboard with no paint scratched, no lenders dent ed or bent, and no lamps or tires miss ing?
 Inspec. endevor to insert in Scrahchi's mind that this one are mere IF apsurd goak' but he seem slight " QiZzy upstairs still and make ser fous response thus: q should wait
 until after bedtime story hour, and then, taking large monkeys wrench along, crawl into cellar of ship where such ship are slowed and I should | make this Lizzie conforh with rule 3-11-33 or hop into ocean or both' Scratchi then reqire to know how many other knowledge branches are | necessity to grasp such combination positions and examiner announce he must learn inside story of hash mak- ing so as to assist steward and must learn inside story of hash making so as to assist steward and must also 1 take intense corse in sque ueegee techk- mick to help along busun dept How far shall this combination
 exclude" Scratchi declare in quench- cd tone.
 Until ship crew are again one man Job like we'll known Nancy's Brig"
 say merry tester gent. ''Then oper- ator Will do everything from skip pering to cooking
 EVerything gasp Snatchi Except operate.' yip Inspeck So wishing you several kinds of luck, still remain your combination reader and writer
 HIIOII NOGO