Evening star., 1922-11-25
THE LANTERN
BY DON MARQUIS.


Sitting. on a chilly, damp Novem-
Der morning, looking out the window
at a discouraged garden and trying
to think of something to write about
is one of the ghastliest things in life.
There are enough themes, but there
Is no theme that does not present it.
self as being as unappetizing as cold
spaghetti. And when you seek the ice
box at in the morning and find moth
ing in 1t but ice and a dish Of cold
spaghetti, you are a strong character
IL you do not sit right down on the
oilcloth and deny the Immortality of
the soul. A feeling of doubt. disil-
lusionment, sense of the general
futility OF things, emanates from a
dish of cold spaghetti.
X X X
A friend of ours, whom we will call
Herbert, was found dead in his kitch-
en- early one morning some years ago.
He was hanging to an electric light
cord that descended from the ceiling
just over the sink. The police were
called in and because the body was
found in the kitchen. Immediately ar
rested the cook on charge of mur-
der. An association of ideas of that
sort is always more than detective
Is able to resist.
x 4 x X
We arrived with Capt. Fitzurse be-
fore the body was cut down. and the
first thing we noticed was that the
icebox door was wide open. Inside
was a platter of cold spaghetti. 1t
was staring out at the scene of it's
crime with a dull, satisfied malevo-
ience.
We knew exactly what must have
happened. Poor Herbert had gone to
the icebox some time between the
noon OF night and the first cockcrow
seeking for sustenance, and had found
it. and it had looked back at him. and
each had at once begun to hate the
other.
you are loathsome.' said Herbert
to the spaghetti. Life is loathsome.'
said the spaghetti to Herbert. Her
bert was silent for long moment,
and then he said. Il agree with you
That's more than l would do with
you," said the spaghetti. God knows
I won't eat you and give you chance
There isn't any God" said the spa
ghetti. Herbert did not wish to be-
lieve this. but the longer he looked
at the cold spaghetti the more proba-
BILE it seemed to him. After couple
of hours of this sort of conversation.
Herbert stepped upon the kitchen
sink. tied the cord around his neck,
put both feet on a cake of soap and
stood on the soap till the soap slip
ped. 1t was that we reconstructed
the crime.
Capt. Fitzurse agreed with us. But
said the captain. before we save the
cook. let US first taste the sauce on
that spaghetti" We did SO. We gave
sauce before we tasted it. 1t was vile.
that sauce. The cook must die.
said Capt. Fitzurse. And we agreed
with him. The police discovered that
Herbert and the cook had quarreled;
the prosecuting attorney did his best;
the jury. composed of housekeepers'
rendered verdict of guilty in the
first degree without leaving their
seats, and the cook was executed
within six weeks. Justice. SAID
Capt. Fitzurse. has been done. 1t
should be a lesson to cooks: If the
sauce had been right we should have
saved the cook.
The right way to make sauce for
spaghetti is this:
First, you take some pungent on
part OF a snappy red pepper and
niece of pimento. and you chop these
things very, very fine. Then you
brown them in frying pan with but
ter. slowly. sprinkling little Worces-
tershire sauce over them while they
are browning.
Then. in a stew pan. you pour half
a canful of thick beef soup. Add to
this the pulpy insides of several to-
matoes. Add about half a bottle of
tablespoonfuls of Worcestershire
sauce. Put in some tobasco sauce.
Sprinkle with red pepper. black pep
per and salt. Put in some water and
boil the whole thing slowly until it
boils down to paste.
X x x X
When it has boiled down to paste.
put the other half-can of beef soup
into 1t and some water. and then
pour in the Drowned onion-pepper-
pimento mixture from the fryingpan.
Then boil the whole thing down to
paste the second time, during the
latter stages putting in tablespoon
full of the stuff known as kitchen
bouquet.
All this time your spaghetti itself
has been boiling, and see that it is
boiled thoroughly. When the spa
.ehtti is done and the sauce is done,
rour the sauce over the spaghetti IN
the not. but do not let them cook to-
gether more than a couple of min
utes.
If you have Parmesan cheese. so
much the better. But American
cheese that has been allowed to be-
come hard and dry. grated. is nearly
as good. Sprinkle just little of this
cheese over the mess and stir 1T when
you put the onion-pepper mixture to
it. 1t melts enough to help the in
gredients get together. But most of it
should be sprinkled on the spaghetti
lust as it is eaten. Some persons
like garlic instead of onion. but go
slow on garlic until you know how
to handle it. Garlic is good
servant, but a bad master.
Do not allow any women around
while you are cooking 1t. Women
aiways want to know how much of
this and how much Of that You use.-
and they think you don't know what
YOU are doing because you can't tell
them. Few women grasp the fact
that cooking is an inspiratlonai. emo
tionai, temperamental art. When yop
find a woman who understands that,
marry her.
How beneficent is the homely mira
Gle of heat. Cold spaghetti is crime,
and a cause Of crime. But hot spaghetti.
with the proper sauce, is one Of faly's