davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

farm pay You always expect to hear gentle.
men farmers put into the category with DASH
ing spectators. did you hear that so-ard-so
has lost lot Of money! "Well. he bought
farm up in the Berkshires and sank eyer9-
thing he had in it'll,
We've heard that sort Of thing a dozen
times. But Crop showed me his books. They
were marvel Any kind of bookkeeping
staggers me. MY own system is to draw
checks until the bank tells me to stop. But
Crop had everything down in black and white.
with a lot of little fancy red entries to jolly
1t up. Every department has got to show
profit" he said, with the air of man who
controls universal forces, II won't have my
pigs supporting my cows, or my cows sup
porting my chickens"
] hastily assured him that any such thing
sounded distinctly immoral
There you have it, he continued "Pigs,
cows, chickens, kennels, garden truck-they
all show little profit, and even charge my
self with depreciation of the land"
You can see from the sketch which Hogarth
-'NSNS Va AiAf4t 40 AsS StDtN oEL ny tHS Si1cs III
his sombrero and gray flannel shirt, that what
Crop really is is whale Of a good business
man. If Gary could get him to take hold of
the steel company, if President Harding
could lure him into the Cabinet, the wheels
of commerce would be spinning merriy inside
of month, ard what is more, they would
show profit. That's the kind Of an author
he is
These two examples of the results of my
research work are typical. Invariably found
that among my literary friends those that
were consciously so were really not, and vice
versa. Grindey, who wrote one Of the best
sellers last year, "Up From the Abattoir,"
novel of the stockyards, is really sort of
mental-garbage man. He thinks he il pro-
found thinker. AS my old friend Jim Ford
says, Beware of those who think they think
Applying the results of my research to N.Y.
self is bit difficult. I always feel guilty
when l am referred to as an author; conse-
quently, ] may be one.
] asked my friend Hogarth what he thought.
"T will draw a picture OF you doing the
thing you do most artistically," he said.
Of course, the thing is disgusting libel.
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

glad to learn of it. This ignorance of floor
walker naturally has made me weak in my
dealings with them. You can't rush up to
digniied, gray-haired gentleman correctly at
tired in cutaway coat, who anywhere else
might pass for member of the English Cabi-
net and chuck him under the chin and say:
81 say, old chap, over there they told me to
come over here to get a ball of yarn and over
here they tell me it's kept over there"
Stiff1y the dignitary informs you that such
a matter as that you will have to settle per-
sonally with the clerks in question, with the re-
suit that you're left without comeback of
any kind. But if ever do find anything that
I'm sure I can pin on a foorwalker without a
chance of his getting out from under, then I'm
going to do it. That's just how brave my ex-
perience with that waiter has made me.
Take them one and all, subway guard, clerk
box-office attendant, taxi driver, janitor
and all the rest, they're the most underaocratic
element we have in this democracy Of ours
There's lot of talk soout the naughty and
snobbish rich. l don't believe it. I've seen so
much that disproves it. Let man get bumped
by limousine and the old gentleman in the
back seat will get out and put down his coat
for you to walk away on, the while his chauf-
feur tries to order you off the earth for being
in his way This is our American aristocracy
It's our fault. We let them get away with it.
My wife told me this some time ago. You
never noticed her worried because some clerk
had every suit in the house piled out for her to
look at and she didn't like any of them. She
never believed in apologizing for causing them
such lot of trouble Not her--isnt that their
job? So, after what the waiter said-think of
it! "Take your hat of!"--I'm going to be like
that.
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
t'I'H take nay hat off when I get good
and ready" Just like that


plus war tax? Have you? repeat. Please
answer yes or no, two such seats in that loca-
tions at that price, good for the performance
to be given on the afternoon Of Saturday June
8, A. d. 1922? Please"-- But IT'S no use;
they wont do 1t. They have seats in the
boxes and seats in the third row Of the or
chestra, but direct answer to your question
never, nor the tickets-until you start to
leave. / suppose they call it salesmanship,
but / don't know what school they attended
to learn II.
There are others Of our petty tyrants
who still have me awed, I'll admit. Take
the gentlemen who practice the profession
Of foorwalking in some Of our leading mer-
camille emporiums. I still confess to bit Of
uneasiness as to what I am going to do when
am forced into faee-to-face encounter with
one OF them. They are so sure that don't
come to their place Of business with any
worthy end in view. ! might say that the
thing that makes me difident in regard to
them is that have never had clearly explained
TO me just what the function and purpose Of
the hoorwalker is. II any one has ever writ
ten volume with some such title as "Floor-
walkers in the Scheme OF Life" should bs
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

FEW years ago, when ! read for the
first time .sThe Way of All Flesh,
"a was appalled, at Buffers caustic
and complete exposition of the fact
Al ii this life it was not our direct actions,
"a our reactions, which really counted; our
..rseious. wilI-directed activities he showed
.ssarly TO be mere piffle--inheritances, bun-
.sry nissteps, actuated by thousand IN
s..nees outside Of our own personality. But
..ars before this acute old chap recog-
r;sea the subconscious personality in every
..ss;vidual and bowed to 1t reverentiy, as in
SOD. he had 70, having definitely established
/ as a power over which We absolutely have
ID control.
All this gave me rather helpless feeling.
ayysre am r.. / thought, working away at
~ writing, doing an essay here, verse there,
story, book--and yet what, after all, am
taoingg Am really writing anything worth
uhle, or am doing something entirely diff
,,rent--simply developing my own person
.,;v without necessarily making it particu-
,.,;v valuable to any one in the world?"
Thank heaven, we can't answer such ques-
.;oss. The answer would often lead to dis
y1nsionment, and probably large increase in
rsaeidss
NE may, however, arrive at some conclu-
Tcns IN regard to ourselves by observing
other people. 1t is easier to be vicariously
Subjective than personally. I cannot plumb
uy own soul, because am my soul. TO ask
ne to plumb myself would be like asking an
hehworn to measure himself. But as soul
punbers of others we may become quite
sdept, and by reasoning from number Of
heir cases to our own arrive at some glim-
msring of the truth about ourselves.
With this idea in mind, to find out about
myself, what sort Of fellow / really was, /
started out to examine large number Of
souls Of my acquaintance, selecting those
which were more or less attached to men and
women who were in the literary line. / men,
don writing in this way because it is funda-
mentally a business. An author, even divinely
Inspired, writes because he has message, and
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
You can see from the sketch which
Hogarth made of him that Crop is
Wh0Ie of business man

sell up to about 100000 copies each because
they are so false to life. Hal thinks he is an
author, quite naturally The royalty checks
say so, and the general public is sure Of it.
and all the drug stores where books are sold
make special display of "Ben of the Bar U'
and Creased Lightning, Tale of the Tim
ber." He gets out two books a year and they
take him just three weeks each to write The
rest of the time he spends running a farm
in the Berkshres
He confessed to me that he was afraid
that his last book, Whitney the Wolf" was
not as good as some he had done because it
took him twenty-three days to write it.
"I'm afraid Pm slowing up,'' he said. But
his fears were groundless. Whitney, has gone
bigEer than anything he ever did. Once
year, for the sake of the looks OF the thing,
he goes out to Oregon or Wyoming to round
up, puts on chaps and six-shooter and has
his picture taken on the edge Of canyon
pointing in the general direction of Japan. He
rides well, but doesn't enjoy it. There are no
saddle horses on the Berkshire place, and as
for cow punching Crop would as soon punch
lady as COW. He treats his own cattle as if
they were ladies, giving them the best of hay
and having them polished up every morning.
The astounding thing is that he makes his
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

his bsuble at life and defies it and laughs at
It, magnificent friend, man whose mem
ory will live long as one who brought pure joy
to those who are able TO get by his poetry. My
friend Hogarth has drawn Walters's portrait,
looking his most poetical. It was done last
September, on an excruciatingly hot day, while
Walters was composing Christmas poem for
womans magazine. / had been sitting at
his piano, failing to play Chopin waltz
once knew, and watching him as he wrote,
mopping his brow and penning such lines as:
Tis Christmas! Der the snowy void
Lies winters mantle, white and cold"
They are really quite wonderful, Walters
Christmas poems: they sound exactly like
poetry. Hogarth sketched busily, and you can
see from the drawing that he made his sub
ject look a regular poet. In fact think
Hogarth is completely deceived by the man, as
a great many others are. Just as he had
finished his drawing Walter burst out with,
"For Heavens sake, quit that jumbling tune,
will you"
modulated into "Stille Nacht" and he fin
ished his poem on the run
Another Of my friends is Hal Crop, who
writes the cowpuncher stories They always
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
SO THIS is
NORMALCY
By Robert B. Peck

ffDSHIs here normalcy's gettin' my
goat remarked Marty Mcmahon,
the retired bartender. 1'The wrong
1-;aJ 80 4bi,rs ;c c,a+ts,,s RI ha foa
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
AS WIDE AS
AMERICA
Continued from page four)

Conn.,, the Middle" school at Colorado Springs
and the Western school will have the same
programs. The Middleford school especially
carries the appeal of outdoor life in the Rocky
Mountains, together with a chance for young
sters to learn something Of riding and rough
ing it. In other words, they may indulge the
cowboy and Indian parts of their natures
to their hearts content
This school, with its affiliated camp in Colo
rado, is ranch camp. It has been its policy
to make use of the sturdy material available
in the surrounding region. Excursions are
made to places Of interest, to the seats of
industrial enterprise as we'll as field trips
for nature study.
Among the summer trips there have been
9OO-mie horseback ride to the Cliff Dwellers ;
Ruins at the Mesa Verae, and the Ute and
Navajo Indian reservations, and horseback
and pack train camp Of five weeks in the
Tarryal Mountains, west Of Pixies Peak.
The others of the chain of affiliated camps
to be carried on by the American Youth
Movement will bear somewhat the same rela- 2
tion to their locations which Middeford does
to it's mountains. The camps will continue
in an informal way the work of the winter.
The system which has been carried ont at
Eastford and will probably be extended is
that of small democracy, where the boys
learn self-government. judgment of their fel-
lows and cooperation.
BESIDES the schools and camps already in
operation and in prospect the American
Youth program purposes ali sorts of attrac-
tions in cooperation with and outside them.
Committees have been organized, and in the
fall these will be in operation. Young men
and women of the whole country viii receivs
a share in the attractions so far as they
desire to.
The committees include drama Ia little
theater movement for young people,, The mo-
tion picture committee, one on an employment
service bureau, one for the american Youth
Magazine" one on citizenship extension work
and one for the American Girl and Boy
Patriots and the Youth League.
The plan for the employment bureau comes
from an expressed need of certain young
people. It is planned to have through the
United States, cooperating with local organi-
cations, number Of employment service bu-
reaus which shall operate free Of charge for
all young people desirous of entering rusi-
ness, vocational, literary or dramatic life
1t is the aim of these bureaus to operate with
experts in charge to help direct young people
into walks of life where, with proper training,
they may acquire happiness in their work.
These bureaus will be supported by the
American Youth organization and win not
make profit from the young rersens essgs
ing tc them for help in finding sSgn
The first Issue Of "The Arie-icsa ysxaa
Magaxine" will be published this fell WA
its launching the program sf sxrrsasion zsn
young people will be ofasdslly opsnes.
e.
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

"a
- try, and it's time that walters learned
IN it, along with subway guards, clerks,
theatrical box Office custodians and
taxi drivers. I, for one, have decided that
walters are going to bully me no longer. AS
for subway guards, well, I admit I still jump
when they snap at me, but there's never any
time to argue with subway guard; that is,
when there is time it's too late to do any good,
and who wants to debate any point of theory
with them? But at least I've made start on
walters.
The trick that determined me to take up the
battle against the arrogance Of waiterdom
happened just the other day. A chap and I
went into pretty heightened restaurant up
in the Forties for lunch. It's one of those
places where you step right in among the
tables and have to walk right through the
place to get to the cloakroon. On the way
met man knew and stopped to pass the
time of day.
Presently behind me some one said "Take
off your hat; that's a good fellow Imagine
it! I'll say this: He wasn't any lowdown
buck private Of waiter. He at least was up
in the top kick or second louie class. But I
believe that made it worse. "Take your hat
OFF, Can you beat it?
Pm glad he said it. It took something just
that strong to rile me enough. If he had said
anything nilder should just have failed to
hear him, the way I've always failed to hear
lots of things walters said-and looked. But
didn't fail to hear this. Just how managed
to say what / did don't quite know yet. Ordi-.
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

~ RUSSTANISM is through in this coun-
try, and it's time that walters learned
Il it, along with subway guards, clerks,
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

ways say, Friend, meet William Walters, the
poet" Walters's face f7ushes with pleasure
He likes the label. OF course, he does the
same by me.
Buddy" he says, "meet George Chappell,
the author
Buddy immediately eyes me distrustfully.
as If to say, "Who the devil is this?" and
feel horribly self-conscious and guilty and op-
pressed by feeling that I'm probably not an
author at ALL / don't know what am
But to come back to Walters. He usually
lapses from being poet when with certain
companions. / notice that with distinguished
literary foreigners at formal luncheons he Is
particularly poetic. The presence Of an editor
or pretty woman has a decidedly rhapsodic
effect on him. On the other hand, when he
goes registering about with McCauley (of the
McCauley Underpinning Company and me
he completely forgets himself. He sloughs off
the poetic skin and stands forth radiant in his
own personality, that Of brilliant wit and a
most gorgeous social asset. What Walters is
really, and say it with reverence, is jester.
His mind is motley, his courage Is sublime
Too intelligent not to realize the futility of
trying to understand everything, he shakes
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

ff-aHIS here normalcy's gettin' my
goat" remarked Marty Mcmahon,
the retired bartender. ''The wrong
$50 kind of things is gettin' to be too
normal to suit me.
1T was bad enough to think that prohibi-
ton was goin to be the normal state O the
country, but bootleggin's worse. You won't
ind no bartenders that's bootleggers. They
got too much respect fer liquor.
aThe normal thing now is to buy your booze
from crook, an it amt normal without it's
got enough water an hckerish in it to make
yer stummick wonder whether it's drink or
medicine that's comm down an without it's
raw enough to take the skin off yer tonsils.
"a fella might save lotta money on doc
tors, maybe, if he'd drink hooch reg'lar fer
few days. He wouldn't have to have no tom
sls cut out, anyhow. Normal hooch, taken
steady the way figure it, will shrivel up the
toughest tonsils in a week. But what he'd
save on the doctor the undertakerd probly
get outa his widow.
"Irs got to be pretty niddlin' normal fer
bootleggers to pack guns, too, an normally
they seem to be pretty reckless with them
when they set out to discourage a business
rival The normal bootlegger don't seem to
care who he shoots. That's one reason I'm
sure they amt none of 'em been bartenders.
bartender don't gener'ly grab fer his gun
without he's sure who he's goin' to shoot an
sure of shcotin' him. Mostly they use Sec
ond-hand nightstick if things get rough.
This strikin' business is gettin' to be too
normal to suit me, too. The normal expiana-
ton nowadays if you can't get no coal or if
yer train is an hour er SO late in gettin' start,
% from New York or coupla hours or so
ate gettin' in, or if you don't find no milk on
ne doorstep or no rolls, is that there's strike
The normal thing to do then is to look
IKE you realize yer ignorance an say, oh,
Ns, so there is,' an wait as cheerfully as you
tan till yer train gets started or you can get
seme canned milk or some crackers at the
store
Normally, too, IL you do manage to get on
train that gets somewhere, you gotta ask
somebody if they got daylight-savin' time or
real time there before you can tell how late
yer train is. You wouldn't think normal peo-
he could disagree SO about what time it ought
. be at noon.
Before things got SO normal folks used to
sllns that Congress an the Legislature was
good deal like little pussy-if you didn't
ease EN- they'd do you no harm. Back in
gem abnormal times they didn't anybody horn
y much at Albany or in Washington without
was trust, an when they did it was just
whence o their wickedness.
Normally you don't hear much about trusts
0sluptin lawmakers now; they're singin'
assLy low. But anybody else that wants any
I special law or constitutional amendment or
- axe O that gets his gang together an hol-
s, ~ an tights fer it, an Congress or the Leg
.s.ssure "a Just hands it to them like they done
sasa prohibition an with daylight savin'. The
ma thing is to pass laws fer the loudest-
h0uthed gangs
.,.,. 4 business amt got chief hollerer it
- hormal. The motion picture business is
ss4aat an the restaurant business an the
4 the saloon business had seen these
ss,aas Msl times COMM prob'ly never would ha'
u : *. =. -
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
DrasDn on a hot day uhiIe Walters
Uas composing a Christmas poem for
Woman's magazine

-
Was composing a Christmas poem, for
a Dosnan's magazine
to deliver that message to others means bust
ness. The element Of mental transportation
at once enters in. can imagine some Of my
readers crying, .'What! What! What becomes
of pure aesthetics. What of art for arts
sake?'
Bosh! Pifie! Imagine singer so inspired
that he sat apart on some lonely mountain
top, far from the hearing Of men, and sang
his song just to himself! Imagine his raptures,
his cries Of exultation, his enjoyment of the
beauty of his own creation! There is pure
art, if you will. 1t also is pure priggishness.
No, the really great artist is the one who goes
straight home to some one else. don't think
he is worried much about whether he is read
by ten or ten. million. The point is, he must
stands him, he has done great thing
The first exhibit tackled was my friend
Walters, the poet. The most conscious thing
that Walters does in his whole lifeeis to be a
poet. He does it extremely we'll But could
see at glance that it really was merely
spiritual cloak, costume, get-up. 1t was
not disguise, mark you. A disguise implies
consciousness Of deceit on the part of the
wearer, and the last thing that Walters is
conscious Of is that he is not poet. He firmly
believes in himself. There is something quite
beautiful about 1t.
Whenever introduce him to any one al
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
Illustrations BY r. B. FULLER

I even feel str on G
enough to beard those
singularly h au 6 b ty
young gentlemen who
try to keep you from
buying tickets at our
theatrical box offices.
Two words were left
out of the vocabu-
laries Of these per-
sons, the convenient
pair called eyes" and
"No." Never once,
no II, q t tie r how /
framed my question,
have / been able to
get a straight yes or
no out Of this species.
"Haye you any tickets
for the S a t ur d a Y
matinee?" "Have you
two tickets in the
first gallery for next !
Saturdays matinee?"
"Have you two seats
together--that is, adj
joining, a d jac e n t,
next to each other
in that part Of the
theater described on
this notice outside your
window as First gal
lery," the quoted price
~ u.a;ah L. 60 aanh
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20

1t. And, what's more, knew it--waiters are
going to bother me no more.
Now, some people can talk to waiter that
way just naturally. / don't mean those ugly
brutes who are always dressing down some
poor chap for something the cook did to the
food that he doesn't happen to like. You know
that kind. never had any use for them.
either. But mean some people don't ever
seem to have to tell waiter anything and yet
they get the best Of everything in the place
But that never happened to me.
So it has meant good deal to me to know
that hereafter walters are not simply going to
be doing an unpleasant duty when they get me
something to eat. / feel sure Of myself now,
almost like those guys in the advertisements
who have finished course OF study on how to
use their personalities I'm just dying TO use
my personality on the next waiter who doesn't
step round as he should. am just aching TO
hand one 10 per cent tip and then sit and
watch him take IT. And, believe me. II he
doesn't say Thank you' right out I'm going
to cali hin, back and have him recite SO he car
be heard.
It's a great life. With good start on
walters I'm ready to tackle any Of the others.
New-York tribune., 1922-08-20
By EDWARD III. PEARSON

narily I w 0 u | d n t
have thought Of it
until / was out on
the 8 j d e w a k and
w a X i n 6 down the
street. I always think
up corking good
things to say then.
But this came out
of me without a quiv-
er. Something just
turned me around
and I shot it at him.
"I'll take my hat
off when / get good
and ready"
just like that.
It was beautiful.
Everybody at the
tables got it. Forks
paused in mid-air.
You could have heard
a n y b Q d Y wink. I
wasn't mad. I hadn't
time to get mad. 1t
just came out. The
waiter got it. For
just a fraction of a
second we looked
each other in the eye.
Then he wilted and
began to splutter his
apologies. / was his
master and he knew