Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1922-03-02
Through a
Woman 5 Eyes
by JEAN NEWTON
Married, but Not Done For

They were sitting in restaurant, he
playing the old game of distinguishing
the marriage couples from those who
were single.
"See them over there" pointing to
couple who seemed interested. at
tcntivc to each other, and altogether
alive and jolly, they are not married,
at least. not to each other "And see
them he continued. indicating a
couple at another table where the man
was buried in his newspaper while his
PARTNER found diversion until their Or
der came in the Atmosphere" about
her-"they are married--and done for. /"
The pity Of it Is that this IS only too
often true. Yet the fact that some hus-
bands and wives so insult each other
! does not always indicate that .thcy have
ceased to care for one another. When
it comes to the point most of them
really have not. They nre simply mar
ried, and. us the joker said--ilonc for.
1t seems almost inexplicable. but
perhaps some light was shed by the
woman, who said:
"Why should l stand on ceremony
with my own husband--or he with me?
We should have that advantage ut least
over being with. strangers--the chance
to be natural. to do us we please"
So they go about with each other
than two humans who choose to be to-
gethcr. showing each other indifference,
amounting sometimes to lack Of COM
mon courtesy.
One Of the ugliest sayings in our
language. and one of the greatest re.
ficctions on us humans, Is, 'Famili.
nrity breeds contempt" And it probably
had its origin with man or woman
who felt that way about not "stand.
ing on ceremony" with those who are
not strangers.
The trouble is that these people neve,
did get the right idea of courtesy aud
cons deration. For they are not sup
posed to be veneer-a Sunday go to-
meetin best to be put on for those whc
mean nothing to US, thrown of in the
presence OF those we care most for.
They are deep, vital things TO which
the people who are close to us--mother.
sister, husband-are more entitled thar
the chance acquaintance.
Not only are those who are close to
US more entitled to the amenities, but
with them the amenities are even more
necessary. All intimacy requires cour-
tesy and restraint II respect is to sur
vive. No matter how much we care for
people, living with thcm--the constant
close association and intimacy--is
problem. The closer we get to each
other. the less space there is for our
little bristles, the strangcnesses we all
have--an the more likely these are to
scratch against each other. So, it is
Intimacy more than formality that re-
uuires effort to sustain mutual regard.
But love? The love between man
and u woman is not something that can
be acquired, made permanent and in
surcd at the altar against all possibility
Of loss. 1t is as tender us it is beautiful,
and like all worthwhile things ncces-
states effort to keep it lourishng. 1t ~
Just because lovers expect 80 much Of
each other, because to each other they |
seem devoid of any human frnilty or
coa rHeness, that special care is neces-
sary TO avoid dislluSionmcnt. Their in
timncy must not be spoiled by any lack |
of courtesy. For the one crime that
lovers. husbands. wives, will not forgive
is Indifference.
Courtesy supplies the meat and the
salt necessary to nourish love and keep
fresh intimacy. II Is what makes the
''courtin' couple married. but not
done for"