The Birmingham age-herald., 1922-04-18
T'oday Back High, Front Low. King Canute's Law. Scattering Secrets. One of 10000 Reasons.
By ARTHUR BRISBANE

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 Ladies from Paris. bringing dresses and fashions back to Amer jeans. decree as follows:
 High in the back and low in the front" That is the order for eve ming wear, and all skirts are to be long this spring. Women would like to keep tho comfortable short skirts. and ought to if they would wear wooien stockings. But fashion rules. and skirts will be long. High in the back" is half an improvement: 1t will protect the kidneys. Low in front means lung trouble.
 King Canute, Denmark, who con quered England and Norway, and ruled three countries, Is the gentle man that rebuked his servile cour- tiers who said he could do anything. He sat at the edge of the ocean. telling the waves to back up. as the tide rose. They would not back. as Hume tells the story, and tho pious King bade his courtiers remember that only one could say: Thus far shalt thou go and no farther, and here shall thy proud waves be stayed"
 He's been dead almost 900 years. but Canute's law to protect wives still rules. He said wife helping her husband to commit a crime must be held innocent. on the theory that the husband had forced her to 1t. since no wife would dare say no to her husband. Some modern wives do not fit into that picture, but quot ing Canuts's law, a London court has acquitted Mrs. Peel, society lady, who helped her husband swindle bookmakers.
 Captain Peel wired bookmakers. making bets on winners, after the race. He bribed the telegraph agent to mark telegrams as of an earlier hour. English bookmakers settle according to tho hour marked on the telegram.
 British experts are invited to take for their use all American secrets in making poison gas. American chemists have invented one gas of which a single flyer could carry enough to destroy an entire oity.
 All our war secrets are offered freely to England. and this does not surprise you, for in some queer way. apparently the United States Is sup- posed to be under the protectorate of the British Empire.
 Has England returned the compii- ment and confided to us the secrets of her mysterious recent ship con-. struction, or her hehcopter experi- ments, so carefully guarded?
 What about Japan? Will England hand on to her Eastern ally secret information she gets from our chem ists--and if so. will American inven- tions for nsphyxiating cities be tried first on some California city by Jap anese flying machines7 Isn't 1t pos sible to be too liberal with war se- crets, even in dealing with dear old England7
 One of 10000 reasons for not pay ins the soldier bonus relates that the government must pay billions in damages to contractors that found themselves forced to stop work when the war ended suddenly. Ob- serve that, please.
 What about soldiers that gave up their jobs and everything else when that war suddenly started. and found themselves idle and In debt when 1t stopped7 Are they entitled to no consideration Is this . government for contractors only7
 Before the Sultan ate. his cook and prime minister tasted each dish; that guarantee against poison comes back in prohibition.
 A maiden lady, living in . big hotel, requires a little whisky for her stomach's sake. A trusted bell boy is her purveyor. Warned that she might swallow wood alcohol some day, she said: Every month whom George brings my new bottle I mako him take good drink of It before my eyes and before pay him. Then put the bottle away and watch George for three days. If he does not die or go blind l know It's safe for mo to use it." That's a true story. and may be of use to other maiden ladies dependent on . bellboy. American women are prac- tical.
 Crime is having it's effect on lam ruags. To the cigar clerk whose back is turned. the bandit says. Never mind the smokes; go behind the screen. I have you covered" The clerk understands and obeys. bandit waits on a few customers, then es- capes with the money. As he walks along . detective puts the muzxle of a revolver against his ribs: Wait q minute, walt . minute; I've got 1t on you" The bandit understands and surrenders. Crime Is making tho language tsrse-
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