The Washington herald., 1922-10-05
The Beautiful
And Damned
By F. Scott Fitzgerald
from Yesterday.


1t was growing colder and the
men passing had dipped up the
collars OF their overcoats. This
change was kind to her. 1t would
have been kinder still had every
thing changed. weather. streets and
people, and had she been whisked
away. to wake in some high. fresh
scented room, alone and statuesque
within and without, as in her
virginal and colorful past
Inside the taxicab she wept i'm
potent tears. That she had not been
happy with Anthony for over a year
mattered little. Recently his
what IL would awake in her of that
memorable June. The Anthony Of
late. irritable. weak. and poor. could
do no less than make her irritable
in turn-and bored with everything
except the fact that in a highly
imaginative and eloquent youth
they had come together in an
ecstatic revel of emotion. Because
of this mutually vivid memory she
would have done more for Anthony
than far any other human--so when
she got into the taxicab she wept
passionately. and wanted to call his
name aloud.
Miserable, lonesom. as a forgotten
child, she sat in the quiet apart
meut and wrote him a letter full
ot confused sentiment:
.... l can almost look down the
tracks and see you going but with
out you. dearest. dearest can't
see or hear or feel or think BeInE
spart-whatever has happened or
Will happen to us-is like beggins
for mercy from a storm. Anthony;
it's like growing old. / want to
kiss you so-in the back of the neck
where your old black hair starts.
Because l love you and whatever
we do or say to each other, or have
done. or have said. you've got to
feel how much l do, how inanimate
] am when you're gone. / can't
even hate the damnable presence of
people. those people in the station
who haven't any right to live-I
can't resent them even though
they're dirtying UP our world. be-
cause I'm engrOssed in wanting you
so.
II you hated me. il you were
covered with sores like a leper. II
YOU ran away with another woman
or starved me or beat mellow abb
surd this sounds-Id still want you.
I'D still love you. l know, my dar-
ling.
It's late-I have all the windows
open and the air outside is Just as
soft as spring. yet. somehow, much
more young and fraiI than spring.
Why do they make spring a young
girl, why does that Illusion dance
and yOdel its way for three months
through the worlds preposterous
barrenness- Spring is a lean old
plOuch-horse with its ribs show
inE-it's a pile of refuse in a field.
parched by the sun and the rain to
an OminOus cleanliness.
In a few hours you'll wake up.
my darling-and you'll be miserable.
and disgusted with life. You'll be
in Delaware or Carolina or some
where and so unimpOrtant. | don't
believe there'e any one alive who
can contemplate themselves as an
impermanent institution, as a luxury
or an unnecessary evil. Very few
Of the people who accentuate the
futility of life remark the futility of
themselves. Perhaps they think
that in producing the evil of living
they somehow salvage their own
worth from the ruin-but they don't,
even you and L..
.... Still I can see you. There's
blue haze about the trees where
you'll be passing, too beautiful to
he predominant. No the fallow
squares Of earth will he most fire.
quent-theyll be along beside the
track like dirty coarse brown sheets
drying in the sun. alive. mechanical.
abomina lie. Nature. slovenIy old
hag. has been sleeping in them with
every old farmer or negro or immi-
grant who happened to covet her..
So YOU see that now you've gone
I've written a letter all full of con-
tempt and despair. And that just
means that ! love you. Anthony.
with all there is to love with in
your GLORIA
When she had addressed the letter
she went to her twin bed and Law
down upon it, Clasping Anthony's
pillow in her arms as though by
sheer force of emotion she couIu
metamorphize it into his warm and
living body. Two o'clock saw her
dry-eyed, staring with steady per-
sistent grief into the darkness, re-
membering. remembering unmerci- |
fully, blaming herself for a hundred |
fanCled unkindnesses. making a