davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The New York herald., 1922-01-01

in politics, no doubt, and be respected by
all native Australians.
"And that, friends, as you we'll know, is
real life!
Its in the movies, friends, where the
wives on the screen always help, never
hinder, their husbands in trouble It's in
the melodiumland where you smile coldly
into the six shooter, and you have only to
say:
Drop that gun, you cad!' and the dirty
crook drops it.
"Its the land, friends, where there's al
ways cop on the beat when you need one
It's the place, too, where a gray flannel
shirt means you're honest, friends, and
where the good are always rewarded on
earth, friends, and those in trouble has
always friend in need to help them.
"And that life, friends, Is it, shouted
Hon. Quinn, now very angry and excited.
Councilman Quinn strobe across the
aisle, he now shouting into the face of
Councilman Luther Mickelman.
tits in the movies, Friend Mickelman."
hollered Hon. Quinn very loud, that when
the hero of great oratorical gifts rises to
address crowds of his fellow men, Nickel.
man, he is not once interrupted, Nickel
man! And Is that like real life, Luther
Mickelman?'
Everybody was now frantically again
on the qui viUe. Mayor Van Scoick jumped
up excitedty and began pounding his gavel
in the gathering. uproar.
That is life, is it, Mickelman?" Hon.
Quinn was now screaming, shaking his fist
in Councilman Mickelman's face. "Yes,
like hatch that is life! Like HI that is
life!" he screamed, Hon. Quinn now losing
all discretion and cursing. Like h"
A piercing shrek from Councilwoman
Faith Prettyman here caused intense ex-
citement. 1t looked like there would be a
panic.
1t took Mayor Van Scoick and Chief
Herb Longstreet up to twenty minutes to
restore'order. BY then, it being 10 o'clock,
Council had to adjourn its other business
until next Friday night.
Copyright the Zen Syndicate. nc (10?2).
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
The Sea View Sun"

THE Sea Vie'c Sun, clever little mega
zine published monthly by the
patients Of the hospital of the same
name for the tubercular at West New Brigh-
ton, Staten Island, is as CHEEKY as its name
implies. II affords diversion to the patients
who by reason Of their disease are cut on
from the world. Many of them write for II.
AS the publication is self supporting and
must be sold, many of the patients who
would like to read IL are not able to afford
the subscription price which is 81 a year
Any one caring TO subscribe in the name of
a patient would be bringing a little bright
ness into drab life
The New York herald., 1922-01-01

ington crossed the Monongahela Buck
Jones, in telling the story described it aptly
Gee he said, "Whtey's pants knocked
EN- cold!"
The impeachment proceedings were
dropped The Willoughhv Boys bowed to
the prestige of the pant. The day was saved
Whitley is still 'Weagle and to this day
knows not that but for few inches of
pant the distance between his knee and his
foot he might be "a Past Grand weagle of
the Willoughby Boys.
Alas and alackaday! How different the
story of Buck Jones. "Blackballed for
Breeches' might be the title of Bucks
tragedy He came in on day agog with
enthusiasm, hair less corbed than ever.
whistling message of Joy through the
broken front tooth
Gee" he announced, Il been eieketed n
member Of the Spart'n Social Club over I'm
Joisey City Gee, we're gonta have a football
team an room over Fowler's decatessen."
lie continued to state that meetings would
he held on Tuesdays, dues would be 10 cents
me week, and that several mothers of mem
pers or the bunch had contributed articles
Oh FURNITURE, such as sofa pillows. cups
poker decks and games of lotto. parchesi
&c, designed to make the clubroom take on
the cozy comfortable air of the modern
club.
Next day he came looking like Patience
on Monument and handed us paper.
It's from the minnits of the Spart'n Social
Club" he said bitterly.
The excerpt read as follows:
rhe Spartan Social Club will rattle off a
ten pound turkey for Christmas Shares will
be 10 cts.
"At the meeting last night Buck Jones
name was brought up for membership 10 the
CLUB. Buck, however was blackballed by
one person. which was Just enough to keep
MIN out or the club. Not many OF the mem
bers have anything against Buck. He GER
tainly Is nice fellow"
What's the ldea7" we inquired weren't
you elected?"
No" said Buck, "cantcha see was black
balled?"
''Whyf
'B-cause was the ony guy In the club
that amt got long pants on, that's whyl"
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
By FRANK J. SULLIVAN.

TT is not the fault of the pant that it is
a comparatively recent garment. The
- Greeks, of course, did not know the
pant, because they dressed in a sort of sheet
which, while ii had its merits did not have
the compactness the authority or the re-
specta bility of the modern Rochester made
pant. Witness the plight of the great Venus
de Milo whose sheet slipped halfway off and
has remained that way down through the
centuries simply because she had lost her
arms and could not pull 1t back up again.
Would she have had to exist all these
aeons of time looking like the heroine in the
third act of a bedroom farce II she had
been clad originally in a good common sense
business suit from good. responsible Roch-
ester house, with a substantial pair of sus.
penders over her shoulders?
II does, though, seem strange that through
all these centuries, replete with wise men
and women like Solomon. Abraham, Column
bus, Queen Elizabeth, Queen Quality, st
Anthony and Lady Godva, no one should
ever have thought to invent the pant. II
seems especially strange that Solomon and
Tsaac should not have conceived the idea Of
going into the cloak and suit business Yet
II must be borne in mind that these men and
women, great and farseeing as they were,
overlooked the invention Of lots OF other
things. Did they invent the blotting paper
towelY No! Did they invent the hot dog?
MOI Did they invent the Democratic or Re-
publican parties? thousand times No!
Then who OF US shall blame them for over
looking the pant?
The reformers will say: Wen, what is your
pant without your suspender? poor help
less, falling thing. spineless body, a ship
less mast, a mastlcss ship. A Lea without a
Perrin. a Park without a rlford Balti-
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
THE POPULAR FISH.

THERE Is restaurant on Broadway
fhat has a very popular window dis
playa live fish in large tile bot
toned glass inclosure Hundreds of people
stop to look at 1t i'm the course of a day
They give it the most thorough kind of ex-
animation. They inspect it from head to
foot-from bow to stern, we mean They
remark each detail, wonder how much II
weighs, what kind II is and whether it's A
good game fish. One man stood watching
II so long that we momentarily expected him
10 go in and have 1t wrapped up.
fHteeh minutes from this restaurant is
lhe Aquarium, home of thousands of fish
most of them more interesting than the ono
In the window. How many of the men. we
wonder, who stare at the ish In the window.
nave ever been inside the Aauarium2
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
THE CoLORFUL DICTIONARY.


THO our notion one of the most inter-
esting features of the main reading
room of the Forty-second street IL
brary is the dictionary sector The diction-
aries are consulted by so many people that
the other day it was over an hour before we
could look up the jawbreaker that was puz-
zling us.
good dictionary Is fascinating. You
consult 1t to find out tho meaning Of 10
roastrianism" or "etiolate" and find your
self, fifteen minutes after you have found
out what you want to know adniring the
picture of penguin or the diagram OF a
sailing vessel, which tells you, among other
things, that (a) Is the deck, (b) the deck
hand, tc) the fo'c'sle td) the skipper and
(e) the ocean.
That the library authorities are aware of
the fatal fascination of the dictionary Is
proved by the fact that each copy of Mr.
Webster's ponderous work bears a little
typewriter note that reads:
In fairness TO others you are asked 10
limit your use of this dictionary to the
shortest time possible. This copy may
not be used for reading or continuous
study.
The man who used the dictionary ahead
OF us is q rapid reader. He didn't consult it
for more than ten minutes, and yet when
he finished he had reached Page 2.537.
The New York herald., 1922-01-01

4
wv ings? II no one ate ice cream for
breakfast these places wouldn't BE-
open in the forenoon.
We decided to pay a 10 o'clock call al
our favorite ice creamery to see who the
early birds were.
We don't know what the idea was or how
he survived II, but we do know that al 10 :05
with the wind blowing briskly outside, he
ordered--and ute-a chocolate marshmallow
sundae. There was nothing unusual about
his appearance. To look at him you would
never suspect that anything was wronC with
him. He ate his ice cream breakfast DELHI
erately. perfectly conscious of what he was
doing 1t was all very puzzlng. Maybe he
was working off an election bet. Or perhaps
this was something new in dietetcs
A few feet away another chap was drink
ing lemonade. That we understood emon-
ade Is good for hangover
But the lady eating the matutinal banana
split-that left us puzzled again.
STILL in the old days we breakfasted more
than once on beer and pretzels, SO perhaps
we should make some allowances.
The New York herald., 1922-01-01

T INTENSE excitement was the order Of
the day last night when Borough
Council met for its regular Friday
night meeting In our palatial new Fire
House. 1t looked more than once, espe-
cially at the very windup, like Chief of
Police Herb Longstreet would have to take
sharp measures to prevent a panic among
standees.
Councilman Cornelius F. X. Quinn, the
eloquent ex-contractor and politician of the
metropolis, but who recently retired and
moved to this Borough just in time to be
elected to our Borough Council again got
the floor first at Council meeting and
started all the trouble in the second hour
of his eloquent speech on the movies.
In the first hour there was no excite
ment During this first part Hon. Quinn
sketched eloquently the whole history of
all arts leading up to modern movies (mo-
ton pictures) He showed in this part
how the principle of the movies probably
was known in ancient times. Hon. Quinn
proved same by showing how everything
in all modern arts and sciences is only
some new tangled twist of principles and
inventions that were we'll understood, he
said, in ancient Irish civilization
But then began to dramatically con-
clude Hon. Quinn about 920, he now be-
ginning to take up the main thread of his
discourse, ito jump, friends, from the high
intellectualities of the days Of the great
Flann MACEDONIAN and the Four Masters
of ancient Celtic literature-what far cry
it is from these ancient wonders of Celtic
thought to the only dang thing England
has contributed to the arts or civilization
in all her history!-that sole English con-
tribution being this Charlie Chaplin, Lon
don born, doing the shimmy!
"And now, friends before expatiating
further on this great subject 1 wish for to
introduce in Council a new Borough ordi-
nance, to be known forever as the Quinn
BILL
Great excitement started. All Council
and standees instantly got on the qui Uiue
on account of this being the first hint of
Borough business possible to consummate
since Councilman Quinn began speaking
every Friday night all through Council
meetings.
II move you," resumed Councilman
Quinn when Chief Longstreet had restored
order in Fire House, that something must
be done by this Observation-Disclosures
known in the Quinn bill as the party of
the first part-about making provision at
Friday night meetings Of Council to ad-
NIT to this august chamber those citizens
now unable to crowd in and hear your elo-
quent speeches.
BE it resolved therefore that this Fire
House floor back of Council seats no
longer on Friday night be cluttered up
with fire apparatus when I-or any of
you--has the floor. oh, very lovely is this
new toy of Chemical No. 1 of yours, with
its vanished gold and red paint and shiny
open plumbing that not yet has felt water!
Yet I move you that early each Friday
night we back this fancy jigsaw thinga-
majig out to the curb of North Main and
leave il there while"
do you mean to say, brother" shouted
Councilman Luther Mickelman, our popu-
lar Fire Chief, Ford agent and Council
man, he voicing the Indignation in every
bosom, that this Quinn bill proposes we
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
Ranblin' Round
BY EDWARD ANTHONY.

IT Wo schoolgirls to our left have de-
cided, after a five minute. debate
that there are thirty-five panes OF
glass In each of the enormous arched win
dows of the reading room. The girls are
correct.
They may not be doing any reading but
they are counting everything In sight. They
have decided, among other things, that there
are eight rows of diamond shaped tiles in
the walk that runs down the center Of the
room.
Before long we expect the girls to begin
counting the books. They lisp In num-
bers." as Alec Pope would say.
A interesting way to spend half hour
~ Is to stand near one Of those stands
4 that sell out of town newspapers and
watch the eager purchasers devour the home
:idings. Some Of them don't bulge from the
stand until they've read every word. They
lick up local" after "local" as avidly as
man reading the clauses of a favorable will
Not even the anxious dabbler in stocks who
so crisply snaps his paper open to the quota
ton columns and devours every line Of the
Wall Street news can quite match for greed
and intensity the out Of towner licking UP
the home doings. The speculator has the
easier task: he has only few financial
columns to read. The out of towner has a
whole paper to peruse. We've watched him
perform, and doubt If there is speedier
reader in the world.
The out of towner reads with such evident
pleasure that one almost expects him TO
smack his lips after each item. 1t is zest-
full perusal even when the news is no more
important than that
The Blairs, VINO visited the Browns,
Tomorrow night are leaving.
1t looks like snow for Christmas, though
Such things are quite deceiving
Up at the Simpsons it's boy
Eleven pounds-a dandy
There'll be play on New Years day
In church--and cake and candy.
Jake Olson bought another cow
Try (ad) McCullum's poolroom
Be at the dance Tin case you prance)
Tomorrow in the schoolroom.
The libry has another book
Eliza Adams gave it,
Jack Lawsons mare is sick for fair.
Although he hopes to save 1t.
The frost is not as bad this year
AS it was other winters.
Ned Aliens back on Elton's hack,
Try Kellers (ad), good printers.
Lem Atkins home from college, says
Nothing like education"
Died yesterday-Eugene Mckay,
Survived by one relation.
We do the out Of towner an injustice ir
speaking of the unaloyed bliss with which
he reads. No doubt 1t saddens him--if only
temporarily--to read of Eugene McKay's
demise.
The New York herald., 1922-01-01

IN ONT the women who are strangers
In the big city buy their home
town papers? In half hour we
witnessed the sale Of more than twenty out
OF town papers, ana all were bought by
men.
Conventional minded cynics will say that
women, who know all the news--even that
which transpires miles away-dont need
to buy the papers. But that is a poor
argument. Our notion is that the women
figure that if any real news breaks 1t will
find it's way into the New York papers A
woman wants real scandal or no scandal
A man is satisfied with street corner and
poolroom gossip.
The New York herald., 1922-01-01
ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST

w THY are ice cream parlors open morn
wv ings? If no one ate ice cream for
breakfast these nlaces yoi,,d,,,t no
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
PORTLAND BOOTLEGGER
STOPPED BY BULLETS

PORTLAND, Aug. 9.-Half a doz-
EN- shots fired early Tuesday morning
by one squad of policemen chasing u
gang of alleged bootleggers aroused
residents in the neighborhood of Ter
willinger boulevard and Bancroft
street and caused a second squad of
policemen to be sent out to clear up
a big murder mystery" c. y. Rer-
man, No. 253 Condor street heard the
shots and sent in riot call
The firing was caused when Antoine
Nazundich one of three alleged boot
logging jobbers said to be supplying
Portland retailers, broke away from
Patrolmen Chauvin, Saunders, ChIm-
herain, NTcGrath and Miners and
started running through the brush.
The vice squad located the caCi.e
several days ago and early Tuesday
morning lay in wait for the owner
hen Kazundich, with Joe Cas;ch ,'Ti
Tony Perk. arrived me police sar
rounded them and ordered them to
surl cnder. Nazund-cn decided &C run.
AIter half mile, W IT, the police auc
HuilCis in pursuit Lc changed nIs
mind.
The police conf. ted I4S pintS
Bail was Sc at S50a.
AIter the second SQUAD ha heat
az GiId tn. Urush fer an hour =
without finding the corpus lslicti
they returned to police headquarters
anu learned al about it.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
COURT DECISION MAY
CUT TAX RECEIPTS

Tax receipts in Umatilla county
may be cut to u considerable extent
in the future as the result of a re-
ported reversal of a federal court de-
cision in Idaho, according to County
Assessor r. II. Hawkes..
Unconfirmed reports have been re-
ceived by the assessor that q decision
of the federal court in Idaho made
in 1916 to the effect that land to
which the settler had not yet receiv-
ed patent or certificate of final
proof. but which is patentable, shall
be taxed, has been reversed by the
United States supreme court. If this
report is true the practice of the
state in taxing such lands in Oregon
will have the effect of cutting out
several thousand acres from taxa
tion. t -"
The improvements on such land
will be taxable as before, if the
change is made, Mr.. Hawkes. states,
but the land itself, in those cases
where neither patents nor final GER
tificates of proof have been issued,
may be free of taxation. Most of the
lands so affected are irrigated lands.
The assessor is waiting for authorita-
tive information on the reported
change.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
OF 1887 !
DIED THIS MORNING

John f. Hill. who came to the west
IA April. 1886 from Kentucky. died
this morning at o'clock at st. An
thongs hospital Mr.. TIll, while not
being bed fast, has been In the hos
pltal for years. lie has stayed at the
local hospital for the past four years
and previous to that time was in
hospital in Portland ~
At the age of 16 John Hill enlisted
In the Union army and for four years
fought for his country. He was the
father of ten children. nine OF WHOM,
survive him. His wife was taken
from him in 1909 and since that time
he has gradually declined in strength.
Death came as the result OF old age.
His survivors are Mrs. Ralph Stan
field Of Echo. Mrs. II. n. stanfield of
Washington, d. C., AIRS. william
Lyle OF OF Salem, Mrs. Kelly Bloom
quist OF Seattle. H. T. Hin OF Il
Grande, James H. Hiil, George Hilf
and David b. Hill OF Pendleton. aud
Tom I'm Of Weiser. Idaho.
Funeral arrangements win be made
tomorrow after ali the members Of the
family arrive in Pendleton.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
GAME LAWS ARE BROKEN
LOCAL SPORTSMEN SAY

Hunters in umatilla county do not
that the season on both
blue and ruffed grouse, sometimes
called brush or native pheasants, will
be closed this year, according to local
sportsmen who declare that Inquiries
are constantly being made by the un-
informed as to when the seasons open
They are closed, and there will be no
hunting of the birds this year. That
The law is already being violated, is u
statement made by one sport lover,
who declares that he has information
that grouse has been killed. From the
same source the statement emanated
that venison has been eaten recently
by local people. Tho deer hunting
season does not open until August 90
umatilla county sportsmen have
Joined with other sportsmen over the
state in opposing the recent sugges-
ron put forward by state Forester
Elliott that because OF danger from
fire the hunting season be held closed
until heavy rains fall on the range.
"rhere is much less danger OF fire
being started by hunters than by
others who stay In the woods only AL
short time" local man stated to-
1ay Nearly all hunters are lovers
Of the woods, and great many OF
theb are pretty well versed on wood !
craft, and ordinarily, they are eau ,
tious
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
NEW RECORD IS SET FOR
HANDLING PASSENGERS

BOSTON. Mas, Aug "a. n. 81
A record has been made by the
Commonwealth Pier of Boston for the
handling of passengers and merchan-
disc According 70 experts, no pier
in the world has ever handled such an
enormou amount of cargo.
Not only three competing Califor-
MIA lines use the pier, but other ves-
sells from all parts of the world are
taken care of. From July until
July 90 more than $4,000 tons of New
England merchandise has passed over
the pier. AS yet no vessel has turn
ed away for want Of a berth. In addi-
tion to this, the Motor Registry De-
partment takes care OF hundreds of
automobiles In a day d; its office on
he pier without the slightest conges-
ZION
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
to Feed
Family Resulted
in Weird Murder

SACRAMENTO. Aug. 9.-(C. PD--
Revenge for refusal to furnish food is
believed today to have been the mo-
tive for the Weird murder of A. Bise,
rancher near here, whose body was
found yesterday chewed to death by
dogs Louis Belardi and Wife, neigh
bors of Bise are held facing murder
charges. According to the authorities
theory and those who talked with
Bise preceding his death. the rancher
had been feeding the Balardi family
and refused to continued to do so, re-
suited in them beating Rise with sticks
then setting the dogs on the body,
Two big woolly SHEPPARD dogs be-
longing to Beiardis, are alleged to be
modern baskerville hounds which
killed Bise in manner as cruel as
any Conan Doyle could picture, Con
stable Davis of Antelope said he had
heard Bse say on Monday that he
would furnish no more food for the
Belardi family A search of the Be
lardi cabin revealed its larder contain
ed only little salt and two pieces of
uncooled chicken. Signs of a bloody
were found near the house.
The family had lived in ubject pov-
erty.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
Harding Administration Can
didate Carried Ohio With
a Huge Majority Yesterday.
JUDGE BRANDON WAS
NOMINATED IN ALABAMA
Ku Kux Kfan Nominated En-
tire Ticket in Little Rock,
Arkansas, District.
(By United Press. ,

The three STATE primaries in Ohio,
Arkansas and Alabama Tuesday failed
to reveal any indication of new SEN
timent' and provided no upsets, ac-
cording to returns tabulated today.
Carmi Thompson, Hardng adminis-
tration candidate for governor of
Ohio, swept the state with q huge ma
jority Vic Donahey was chosen DEM
ocratic nominee. Governor 7. c.
MeRae was apparently nominated in
Arkansas to succeed himself The Ku
Klux Klan nominated it's entire ticket
in the Little Rock district. Judge
w, w. Brandon was nominated by the
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1922-08-09
Leather Bill Increased
SUED FOR DIVORCE, MAN
ADVERTlSES THE FACT

HAVERILL, Mass, Aug. g.
Charles Rosengard believes in making
capital out of his wife's suit for di-
vorce on the grounds of cruel and
abusive treatment and non-support.
His advertisement i'm the Haverhiil
evening Gazette follows:
Notice to the public! Now is the
time to buy your safes from me, as
need $4,000 to pay my wife what she
has sued me for df she wins). ! will
sell very reasonable and have u large
variety. Charles Rosengard. Tel.
3617 ,S01 Main street"