New-York tribune., 1922-07-11

IL requires no great feat OF memory,
even if you arc poor at dates, to re-
call the year and even the day when
King John set his name to Magma
Charta, when Columbus discovered
America and when George Washington
was born. And yet how many can
state offhand just when these gentle
men were married? Very few
In spite of that, virtually every mar
ried man, of whatsoever degree or i'm
portance, is expected to remember his
own wedding anniversary. Naturally
wives, whose pretty heads aren't
bothered by many dates anyway, can
readily recall that day, for around
them centered all its pomp and cir
cumstance. But the demand for hus-
bands to remember wedding anniver-
saries invariably is exceeded by the
supply of those who can.
"Have YOU" inquiries the average
wife of the average husband, 'the
| slightest idea what day tomorrow is ?"
It's Thursday, the average husband
thinks.
"Yes, but what day of the month ?"
the average wife persists.
The average husband isn't quite
sure.
ut is," the average wife declares,
pauses and repeats mpressively. 1T
is the fifteenth"
well, we'll" rejoins the average hus-
band, "the months half over" And a
| most palpable chill ensues.
| The average husband might have OBJ
served, and gone unscathed, that the
twenty fifth of December was getting on
! toward the last of the year. Regard
ing the first of January, he might have
quoted blithely and without penalty:
If winter comes, can spring be far
behind ?" He might still have escaped,
if apropos of an old-fashioned Fourth
of July he had voiced the conclusion
that it was rather noisy to-day for
some reason or other
! But if the fifteenth happens to be
his wedding anniversary and he has
failed to know it for what it is, his
doom is as certain as it is appalling.
A husbands perspicacity having suf-
fered such complete collapse, it may
remain in state of coma all that
night and be very low in the morning.
But later in the day, it may rally
under cold packs of conjugal frigidity,
and by afternoon sit up, take nourish,
mcnt and recognize familiar objects.
BY that time it is probably too late
to do the conventional thing by the
anniversary, which is to come bear
ing gifts. Probably the corner drug
store is the only emporium available,
and the rarest of the druggists per-
fumes, the freshest of his candies and
the choicest of his toilet articles would
SAVIOR only of the rankest kind of op-
portunism. Not canned heat, ther-
mometer in silver case, fountain
pen or even brick of Neapolitan ice
cream will mollify woman who con-
! siders herself scorned.
/ knew man who found himself in
these straits late one afternoon. He
was on his way home to fight the
battle of the wedding anniversary
! absolutely without ammunition, when
he met the mail carrier on his route,
who handed him a package. The man
was inclined to think that he had been
/. accosted not by humanized postman
! but by divine Providence.
/ Thu r,ocEono cnY,&oiraJ ,sok.~.
which purported to represent my
friend in babyhood. Although neither
nature nor photography had been up
to the mark when he sat, he regarded
the picture as an anniversary present
ready to his hand. For he labored
under that delusion, popular with hus-
bands of newer vintages, that their
portrait at tender age is coveted
above al! else by their wives.
These husbands believe that fhe s;yh.