davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
THE BURGLARS BLUE BOOK

Fanny duchess She grabbed her title through the
nmbe fact that husband idiot imagined he
duke. When they him off to the anarum he refused
ordinary quarters for mbeclc PATIENTS but insisted
on royal surroundings beftted his title
So Ashes Fanny the this tale duchess Pure
simple audabe justification in her being
pure other woman to be simple
chunk Of genius sparkled her intellectual
horizon fed sailed peanuts to the gold fish,
Then should have packed her in the
shipment husband They couple Of nuts
Fanny theory behind every silly perperaed
Her life ambition raise herd Of gold fish But did
squrmy little rasca than they culed and died
suggested their
everything the except sailed Still
Yes sir they turned their backs
punctu the aquarium nuismatist couldn't find
grown enough vitality to breed the demand.
everything in the food boudor
cepting sailed her original
lifetime perhaps sailed COOLERS the little
darlinks needed after ALL
enough glance told her all the awful facts ncud
ing the narrowing details.
handful sailed perfed them there feesh and they
sunk the bottom Of the indignant solution like statues In pet
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
Bv MILDRED BROWN

runabouts when they ought to have
the other around think
doesn't Uncle Chris
ought be revoked for speeding
that the have wives than
first is smaller Mamma
he msogomist think he looks like Englishman
lady that reminds of sedan Emmie She's
nicely upholstered everything and looks all comfy and
the other day she had purple
Mammals who has just had her drawing
said she'd like to have her for dvan only
one sit on her" she added and laughed
awfuy funny En- She had invited about thou
and asked bunch of important folks like
When they arrived she shut em
and when the other people came she still in with
dinner. smeed it through the door,
the other guests who weren't
diplomats titled foreigners the where hostess
dining
pect Emme they awfully interesting time but
didn't much When
crept up the food could hear 'em talking
in 1t awfuly interesting but
I'd rather have had of
the dinner It smelled good.
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
SUB=DEB SUE ON LICENSES

dear:
I'm again please don't anything? Cause just
/ couldn't help it.
- on of thirteen romantc Of course,
promised wouldn't its really truly this
time, EN-, dear. Yes, it is
know how Friday the thirteenth has always been
unucky Well its all changed its lucky with with
like with Mr. Wilson. Only doubt his started
ticaly wish Friday thirteenth, but
looked the calendar be another until
October Oh suppose him until October
happened, while l leaning against the column
the of the Entrance Of the White House
after twelve Thursday night after the reception for the
diplomats And, counting thirteenth yellow axab
that wasn't and another being sight and
the twelfth decided that usual luck had
took both feet partly out of slippers and settled back against
Cousin Jean wait another haf-hour.
had been noticing a goodlookng, dark
and mpatienty and wondering could walk
his the megaphone called
did he do but walk and ask and Cousin Jean could
Vi
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

whole proceedings. They know per-
fectly well that the men would never
legislate against their own sex In
such drastic manner, but they are
counting on arousing their sense Of
fair play which will result in the
repeal of the law which SO discrimi-
mates against women. But why all
this jazzing around the bush, asks
the perplexed and simple-minded
male?
''If we had asked for the repeal
Of that law" replies the feminine
specialist in male PSYCHOLOGY, ct
can just sec the apoplectic soloa
arise in his seat in the legislature
wildly waving his arms windmillwise
and denouncing the women who are
seeking moral license by trying to
repeal the law which protects the
sacred double standard"
The term willy politician" no
doubt was first applied to the poll
tician of the male persuasion. But
It has only attained to the full meas
ure Of its meaning since It car be
applied to women. What can a poor
willy but male politician do when
combated by the wiles Of woman
with political leanings?
One Of the wiles Of women in
politics is to include a radical bill
in its legislative program which ir
the parlance Of the lady politicians
is called an "out post" This bill L.
never expected to pass the legisia.
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
ALL'S GOLD THAT LITTERS

might but small field to work Most Of
way chance gelt from lead putty
those who without the lucre
expert that will back the days of Indian
trading the business end Of toma
exchange your Wampum Is thought by
analysts legal tender But according the fashion
magazines, many persons canno the beads
home brew system will have
every Everybody will Santa Claus. with
whskers gifts will be heavy to hang
those big lumber babies from California
much in which
bargains The will be long that other reading
matter the An Of cheapness will be
probably ushed feet foremost Such good
opportunities cotton handkerchief for $685.
25o75 will the rule, rather than exception.
this subject, Alchemy Ike the demon nven
tor of noiseless consomme, said
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
By CAROLYN VANCE

rent. A wife who complained to a
Mississippi Judge was told that she
had got things all mixed up and
put the petticoat before the
pants" or, in other words, the
cart before the horse.
In Alabama the husband is en-
titled to his wife's services to the
extent that she is still In this re-
spect, to quote a court decision,
merely a servant" A wife is not
authorized, according to a court de-
cision, to undertake work outside
the home which would interfere
with her domestic work unless her
husband consents.
The prize discrimination against
women remains in Massachusetts. In
that State anybody may adopt any.
body else who Is younger than them.
selves and is able to support them.
But a married woman may not be
adopted without the consent Of the
husband, but a married man may be
adopted without the consent Of his
wife.
In seeking to remove discrimina-
tons against women the National
Woman's Party are also after the
Inequalities" Of the law pertaining
to sex. The men might be interested
to know that out in Michigan a wife
who made home brew could not be
pros scuted under the law. but her
husband was. even though he claim
ed Il was without his knowledge.
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

fled decay. They made hurried trip to he-them
feeshes
that mild species Of criminal known to
a litter When she couldn't grab off
particular article department store counter she would
PROMISE taking When they ready to declare In
vntory they would have to Ashes Fannys
didn't leave em enough to drape kewpe in
broke out Of brace vanadium
nothing by halves not her grapefruit
egg before she'd soop to devou in sections
shoping she the author of
police Washington where de don't
any
Ashes Fanny had had millinery store where they sold
hats large there afternoon and loiter In
among sombreos When nobody
looking oqueih looking derby into her handbag
mother carrying newlycaught
It's young.
day encoremaybe hats. Who
knows?
Anyway eac she inherited about parcel of dse
joint lady paid the place noticed that her
going despite the fact that nobody bought hats
soft picking for Ashes Fanny
hire store her booty in Finally she
turned them sale
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
Bv GENE FOWLER

en will have work for nothing Under the coal
syrtem will have This will be made
treasury will coal bins and will
that have the of For instance
dollar will be twofoot oak log. topick will be dime Any
who is short Of coffee get by running his hand
abandoned bar and pick a splinter in the palm"
The opinion Of great majority Of experts however, fers from
that harbed by the venerable Alchemy Ike Pepont Warus
instance that gold will be that pckpkets will be
driven Of business Other caaes include the necessity ct
hiring athletes church uhers them with hods Instead of
collection plates Golden weddings will be passe
Mr. Walrus adds that better feeling will be attained between
employers No will refused raise salary
but anything when they it. The only of hope
he continued. is:
Undr the threatened surplus Europe will debts
discovery however, that gold
biscuit dough- whatever Is that does
it, Europe will give money"
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

We to be shown that the wiz
n how to manufacture gold Such dis
might make slight difference to two
haven't gold and expect to get
doing without that positively too young
to learn old tricks
has all captured the Philosophers Tombstone
which will make possible for the budding achems to turn out
the blue Mondays What this output will do to
tell who wants to buy
toothbrush will hire elephants for poers when they cart
in the amount of gold.
This discovery will prove that King Midas lived too Every
thing he touched turned gold A he the only bird that
hesated touch Some modern poll
teans would chance Even the contact caused
them be transformed nothing could
change their heads from ivory.
bakms the opinion that the production
gold panic quantities broke In rebua
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

laws Of four Southern States for
determinations against women.
Among the absurdities uncovered
in Florida is that a wife does not
have the right to hire domestic
servants, since married woman
cannst legally make q contract OF
any kind. A married woman In that
State working in a business distinct
from her husband may control her
earnings, but II she works In her
husbands business or at home, for
instance, keeping boarders, her
earnings are her husbands. The
father alone can collect damages
for the death Of a minor olild. he
can even collect for the mental
pain and suffering Of the mother
in such cases.
In Louisiana a woman may not
receive q gift without the consent
. of q husband or a Judge. In Mis-
sissippi one Of the effects Of mar
rage Is that the wife prac-
tically leases herself out for life for
board and keep. for the services Of
the woman and the minor children
belong entirely to that Of the hus.
band. The authority Of the hus-
band as head of the family is abso.
lutte. He may. for instance. ex.
clude any person from his house
for any or no reason. even his wife's
relatives and frieuds, even II the
wife owns the homo or pays the
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
PETTICOATS BOSS POLITICIANS

ture In which It In introduced by
their friends. But 1t gives their
opponents in the legislature some
thing in which to sink their teeth
in, tear shred from shred, and zap
over and otherwise occupy them
while the other bills are being
quietly Unanswered into laws by
their friends. It would never do I"
expect the whole parcel OF laws
which they introduce In one session
to pass in toto. That would give
the solons the appearance OF weakly
retreating before the more deadly
female. The outpost" Is something
for the solon to cling to checking
his unseemly retreat and giving him
a support from which to cry in q
commanding tone, "Halt!' This IL
all the part of diplomacy and tact
that women use in dealing with
men.
Women have managed through
the centuries to live on the same
earth with men only by the exer-
else of the utmost tact and diplo-
macy. So in coming out Of the
kitchens and nurseries into the arena
Of politics they are not 30 helpless
as they might appear to some.
II will take mountains of diplo.I
macy and tact to rid the statute
books of the several states Of the
determinations against women. And
sometimes only a tragedy result.
ing from these stupid laws viii suo-
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

Nothing it'll Gold will be than mud in Missouri
precious metal will become the only
money Counrfeers will their plants In
The will be flooded with spurious dimes made
Of coal.
mo- these dimes will be made from COAL but from slate If
get a plug operatives will be the
and romantic speeches
golden killed they such cheap remarks
But when the poet
Her hair fell down around her back
And her tresses almost coal-back!
applause will unanimous and marriage be expected
subsequent divorce that nobods business the
lawyers.
"But where will the lawyers their fees there is coal short
age?
mumbd something beneath his breath Prob
regarding whiskey for he usually has
whiskey his breath all about it. He continued
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

handy proposition fight and will be quite useful in the
next
going the size Of and this is fair
especially Americans the best
Shots much damage with twenty-five aber pistol
shot In fact they going to cut
everything for the last looks
peace a big all the around.
Personally certainly hear it. but probably nobody
much peasured about it old lady
dead set against although who she
going all this and that for
there is morew do not know.
Why my lady especially against is because she
be around raising
business and certainly glad will anything
a wicked proposition.
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
WELCOME TO PEACE

w ELL sir certainly much interested in reading the
w the last few months about this proposition
though am not able to make heads tails Of it.
All know that going have any
matter Of ten unless somebody
meantime and wish this
have inside Of they be able
for it. but after will pappy guy
will not be worth dime in a maybe a major.
After ten will be old will
stand the sidewalk when going past
give them hell for then will sit
how wish enough pitch this myself.
AS figure everybody going away
baleshps especially the old
two whoops the OF
throw submarines, however, submarine very
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

only about knee high to grahopper just
matter Of fact raising him for the law business
this racket all
ton this old lady who figures making him minister
that he does not have to to
WE'LL old lady does plenty Of talking
tickled she Is
Our writes letter Santa Claus tells him
whats electric train and thing and another
Claus read the letter he better that John
Naturally have Christmas
posed down the chimney, this
although Santa thinks he down the chimney
joint he win a good bet from
give old lady the dough buy
much too busy attend such
get around Christmas eva to
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
D ETT1CoATS and practical
politics are not the oil and
water mixers that some might

n ETT1COATS and practical
politics are not the oil and
water mixers that some might
imagine.
fetticoat politicians are quite
often practical politicians and some
are considerably more practical
than they are petticoated II the
truth were known.
Women have managed to
mix practically. idealism, and poll.
dos into q most curious concoc.
ton. In order to achieve a poll
cal ideal they have not hesitated
to resort to the most practical ends.
Az an example of their methods
the manner In which the Maryland
women are proceeding in effecting
Q reform in the divorce laws Of
their State Is highly significant.
In Maryland q man may obtain
. divorce from his wife by prov.
ing unchastity on her part before
marriage. She cannot obtain q
divorce from him on like grounds.
Does the Maryland League Of
Women Voters wax highly indignant
over the absurdity of this law? On
the surface they do not. They pre-
tend to take this old law very seri-
ousiy and ask only that 1t be amend.
cd to apply to men the same as it does
TO women. Do they expect tho
amendment TO pass the legislaturef
Again they do not. 1t is here that
we arrive &C the subtle point OF the
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

state not 50 long ago a father had
supreme control Of the children. In
one case a mother Of five was en-.
numbered by bestial and worthless
husband. Whenever she threatened
to leave him. he countered by threat
ening to keep the children which was
effectual in keeping her tied and
supporting him. Finally the woman
could stand It no longer. and in full
knowledge Of the memorable law of
the State which would give the
father custody Of the children no
matter what his character might be
she ended 1t all by numbering the
five children and herself. This
created an intense agitation, which
resulted in wiping the disgraceful
law from the books.
In Florida q law still remains
whereby a father not only has su.
preme power over his children, but
may by will appoint q guardian for
an unborn child who would have
the power to take 1t away from
the mother Immediately after birth.
These are the horrors of the dis.
examinations against women, which
women hope to remove without
having to have a tragedy to give
ii the full publicity II deserves.
The absurdities are equally as
numerous. Mrs. Burnita Shelton
Mathews. the legal expert employed
by the National woman's party.
has completed n research into thu
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

did, And went! And he perfectly adorable and
coming the theate and is
bringing for her. And I'll have him all to myself
funny folks have to take out automobile
dog numbers fresh but
for always think people ought to be allowed
get NICE marriage licenses each just they do
other bunch these Golden Wedding parties
could though that in these days folks take
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

One week after the wedding he had her nsolvent.
Then she started in shopifting a large scale
Instead dipping hands into the barrel day and clipping
with single fedora she avoided lot Of petty and Just
took the owners front door and hung her
Next morning stepped and by doing
fourng business proprietor abed down
shop
took her. Her ustabe cepto-
mania. The judge her twenty years to get we'll
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
she had mastered a dance

chain she had mastered
entirely the outside world
It was the lockstep razmataz
high night doing that jail
functions Occasionally there would be
the terpchorean feat
place they would work doubemuch to
the delight of the mob in evening Dress
The Washington times., 1922-01-15
By KIRK. MILLER

recognizable forms until she had enough dough cancel the European
debt That when she pulled boomer went to her
married her old already minded
he had TO hold his chin up q crutch
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

m almost every
papers the other EN-, about who
his bride had
Col Knoll change it. He said he had been
his girl for three he thought that the
he ought have Emme if he'll back
ask for his first choice He want to hunn
again.
and husbands something like automobiles though
The Washington times., 1922-01-15

society inside with her trick dane
before MURDER and mayhem live
= = lhood.
suddenly disappeared term and when
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1922-02-02
in Annual kentucky Derby This Year Will Be Raised Considerably
PADDOCK NOW AFTER
TED MEREDITH,S MARK
California Sprinter Has Large Ambitions in Drecto"
of Records for 44O and Also the 100 YARDS
Stretch
nv GRANTLAND RICE

as she played last year, Dut !ne souhu
ness of her style doesn't call ior any
extended practice. She is, In fact, mucn
better Off when she only plays Just
enough to get the touch and feel OF
her clubs. where keenness for play VII,
more than make up for lack OF herd
work. Miss Stirling has no particular
faults to correct at any time. with less
play she will again be vital factor
where the clans assemble. for com
bination of skill, power and courage Is
never checked by one of year.
0C,ALIFoRNIA is satisfied with the
~ aftermath Of the W. and j.
came," writes Westerner. III SO
many in the East can stir up such q
hullabaloo over O tie, looking upon 1t
AS wonderful victory, far Western
football isn't so bad off after all. what
IL w, and J. did gain more ground anu
make more first downs? Didn't Yale 40
the same thing against Harvard! Didn {
Notrc Dame do the same thing against
Iowa? Didn't Pittsburgh make more
than twice as many first downs against
Lafayette than Lafayette made against
Pittsburgh? But did Yale, Notre Dame
and Pittsburgh get all the credit! Ii tnc
last football season proved any ythihs' u
proved that making first downs or y;
gaining more ground was only a small
nart Of what took place on the held
when it came to the final score.
Jesse GUILFORD, amateur soli
y champion, has got an early start f3r
the biggest campaign Of his career. III
untoward events don't interfere the
Boston Siege Gun intends to 60 aitet
the. British championship at Prestwick.
to take his fling in the open title hunt
of both countries and then be properly
adjusted for a defense Of his title as
Brooklinc. Guilford is one OF the Tor
tunnte types that can keep at 1t without
breaking up physically. As n rule. he
is only getting we'll warmed up where
others are about ready to knock of ana
call it a weeks work. His early start ir
Florida will get him out under gooo
headway, and with the confidence that
comes from wearing crown he Will be
an extremely robust proposition to over
throw.
Copyright. 1893. An Rights Rcserved.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1922-02-02
APPLEBY BROTHERS LEAD
With Two Victories, Are Undefeated d
In Amateur 1872 Billiard Matches

New York. Feb. 2,-The Appleby
brothers, Edgar 4. and Francis S.,
with two victories each and no defeats,
are showing the way to their four
rivals in the national amateur 1S.2
balkline tournament now in progress at
the Crescent Athletic Club, Brooklyn.
Francis came on even terms with his
brother yesterday by defeating r.
Henry Clarkson, of the Amateur Bill
lard Club, 300 to go, in the second
afternoon game.
Clarkson won the matinee contest
from Edward w. Gardner, of Mont
clair, y. j.. by n score Of 300 to 2G1
Only two matches were on today's
card. Francis s. Arplcby meets Ed
ward w. Gardner in the afternoon ant
Edgar II. Appleby encounters Emil a
Rcnner tonight.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1922-02-02

THARLIE PADDOCK now carries
~ two heavily coated desires. One Is
to run 100 yards in o 2-5 seconds. The
other is to run the 440 yards in AZ 10,
a. fifth under Ted Meredith's record
holding mark. The California flyer,
with the right break, might easily get
away with both. OF the two he has a
better chance to break Meretlith's mark,
where his combined speed and stamina
will be of great help. He should be at
provo to be n bigger year than his last
campaign, where he collected enough
records to fill hogshead.
~. j. MGRAW no,o plans to quit!'
Five years ago these lines tccre t1rit.
But still beyond all chance for cure
He finds the pastime's ancient lure.
For tchcn the fever'S In your bones,
In spite of pessinistic 0rodns,
When passing yedrs haze come and
gone,
There's something beckons, on and on.
There's something calls one to the field,
With club and ball, or s1ord and
shieid.
We, too, hare mapped out our retreat,
Only to find that Toe must cat.
EvERETT SCOTT, the Red sox-
IL Yankee shortstop. intends to leave
mark Of durability that will never BIZ
touched within memory or eyesight OF
this generation. Scott has already
smashed all records for continued serv-
ice on the field, and nothing short Of q
calamity will check his career this year
Although n hard, determined fighter
always in the thick Of the game, he
knows how to protect himself and how
to evadc such ailments as charley hors.
and the twisted ligament. The wonder
Is that stacness never seems to follow
his incessant march, as he Is about as
keen for competition in October as he
was back in April or May. In addi.
ton to hardness and fortitude, Scott
has shown how far the set purpose tc
keep going will carry one along.
A LENA STIRLING. former WON
"A ems champion. has no idea of sur.
rendering her old homestead at the tor
without a contest She doesn't plan tc
play nearly so much golf this seasol