The Delta independent., 1922-02-03
WON HIGHEST 4oNoRs in HADes

i WON HIGHEST HONOH8 IN HA0ES
(By Alan p. Wilson IN Publishers
| Auxiliary.)
Through an underground (althougt
not an underhand) channel have
learned of contest that took place
recently in He'll. The object of the
contest, as Stated by the Devil him
self, was to enable him to ascertain
who among his evil cohorts was best
fitted to occupy the next highest Office
in the realm Of He'll.
The contestants were given a term
of years in which to perform the most
diabolical deed each could devise, OBJ
tain authenticated proof Of its actual
performance and to present all evi-
dence at a public meeting held for
that purpose. Under his seal the Devil
obligated himself to reward the one
winning the contest by making that
one his Deputy, give him power to
reign with absolute authority during
the DEVILS indisposition or absence
on vacation and to present him with
a scepter second only IN fearfulness
to that of the Devil himself.
At the appointed time the cohorts Of
Hell assembled in solemn conclave
and each one in the audience was in
breathless expectation to learn what
the Devil (who had announced pre-
viously that he was to be the sole
Judge in the contest) would consider
the most diabolical deed.
Armed with documentary evidence,
in some instances filing to overflow
ing a lawyers brief case. each con-
testant assembled ON the platform and
a smile of self-satisfaction overspread
the countenance of the one who, at
the call of the Archdemo4, walked to
a position in front of the Throne and
recited his evil valor and misdeeds.
Without going into the details of
what was a most sordid recital of
murder, rapine, crooked dealing.
shame, degradation, dishonor and
crime, it will suffice to tell of the last
to present himself for the coveted
honor.
When the name of "Old Trusted
Subscriber" was called by the Arch
demon a somewhat unfamiliar figure
stepped to the front of the stage and,
saluting his Majesty. began his re-
cital There was little about his ap-
pearance to justify an onlooker in sup
posing that he belonged in that motley
gang of evildoers, nor did he carry
much evidence of his wrongdoing. In
fact with the exception of few let
ters and cards which he held con-
spicuously, one could not discern that
he was a candidate for the honor Of
fered by the Devil.
Given permission to speak. Old
Trusted Subscriber related that he
had subscribed for the local news
paper a number of years ago. "At
flrst," said he. II paid in advance each
year. Then found out that the Edi-
tor was a pleasant sort Of person.
trustful and hardworking. and not dis
posed to press those who were in
debted to him; SO l began to let my
subscription lapse. Every now and
again there appeared = notice in the
paper to pay up. with q mild threat
that back accounts would be placed In
the hands of q lawyer for collection.
As sort of sop. went to the once
and paid for q year on my indebted
ness, but never paid up In. full. not
to mention paying in advance. Then
I made inquiry and found that those
who did not scare at the threat to
take legal action were not molest6d
or troubled, 20 / decided I need not
settle, either.
''In the meantime, I got all the per-
sonal mention and publicity wanted.
Whenever We gave . party or had
friends visiting at our house the Ed
itor always published . note Of 1t.
Whenever death came into the family.
or one of my children got married,
always wrote ont long account in
which praised myself a. being rep
resentative citizen Of the community
and the Editor always published 1t in
full. Whenever one Of my boys or
girls went on to school the Editor
mentioned It; when they got high
marks or won distinction the Editor
printed an account Of 1t and ! figure
that I got twice the value of the sub
scription price each. year; but, year
by year. got further and further
behind with my payments.
Then 1 moved away from town, but
as l wanted to know Of the doings in
my old town, and knowing full well
that the home paper would chronicle
all Of these doings, 40 well as publish
anything might send In from my
new home so that my friends might
hear from me without the trouble Of
writing IN tham I Ordered the nanor