Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-11-29
Over the Telephone

when the telephone service seemed
to be practically tempermental. She
had her number and was waiting TO
be connected with the business man
when masculine voice cheerily call
ed out, Hello. 'Is Mr.. James in 2"
asked the woman. when did he
come in ?" replied the masculine voice.
At that, the woman sensed something
wrong and inquired, "What number
is this ?" "This is the morgue," re-
piled the voice. The woman gave up
and decided to write letter instead
Chicago Journal.
n n 4
Cruel and Unusual
Visitor: And does papa punish his
little boy when he's naughty?
Small Boy bitterly: Yethum. He
things me to thleep. American Legion
Hazardous Calling
Tramp A-Things amt what dey
was.
Tramp B-Nah! Here lately a
eller can't hardly ask er work fer fear
of gettin' it.
Another Angle to the Good
Roads" Problem
A darby and his brown sweetheart,
followed by three pickaninnies, APP
piled to the clerk of Southern court
house for a license to wed.
The clerk eyed the assemblage doubt
fully.
"Whose children are these?" he ask
ed.
"Dey our'n" was the ready response
from the man.
The clerk stood scandalized, being
new at the post. "You ought to be
ashamed of yourselves, waiting to get
married till you have family half
grown
"Jedge, you'll have to excuse dat"
interrupted the bride sweetly. "De
roads out our way is so bad!"
No Offense Here, Paddy
An Irishman while on his way to
cali upon his best girl suddenly caught
sight of beautiful parrot in a near
by tree.
He decided it would be just the pres
ent for her. Slowly he drew near the
bird and upon reaching one of the
highest branches, was just about to
grab hsi prey when the parrot, who
had been cycling him sharply, suddenly
squawked, "Well, what do you want?"
Pat withdraw his hand and humbly
made answer, Excuse me. Er--I
thought you was bird"
y = y y
Cautious Ultimatum
Mrs. Specksome-John you simply
must stop munlbling in your sleep.
Mr.. Specksome-Don't be so blam-
ed curious. l absolutely refuse to talk
out loud. So therel
The Disturbing Element
Maloney Jr.-What's an "amicable
settlement" Pa?
Maloney, Sra town where there's
no 0irish, Oh suppose, sonny.-Life.
y Il \
Overlooking Something
Mary"
Eyes, dear?"
Before we go to bed better make
sure everything is locked up"
Eyes, I've locked up everything
coal bin, jewel box, safe, doors and
all the windows"
Gust like a woman" interrupted
Jones to himself. an lose that pint
yet. New York Sun.
X 4 n.
Try This Just Once
81 can't keep the visitors from COM
ing up" said the Office boy, dejectedly,
to the president. when / say you're
out they simply say they must see
you"
"Well", said the president, Gust tell
them that's what they all say"
That afternoon there called at the
office young lady. The boy assured
1, III -
dent
"But I'm his wife" said the lady
"Oh, that's what they all say" said
the boy.
Self Defense
To have little fun, the boys brot
a dummy into Whelan's saloon, stood
it up against the bar and made their
exit
Whelan spoke to the dummy, and
receiving no answer, picked up bot
tie of beer and hit it over the head.
When the boys came back one of
them stopped over the fallen dummy
and with a dismal note in his voice in
formed Whelan that he had killed a
man.
"Well. it serves the son-of-a-gun
right" said Whelan, "He drew a knife
ION me-"
y y 4 q
No Capacity
Fan-Do you think the Giants have
any big pitchers?
Chronic Wit-WeIl, / don't think
any of 'em would hold more than a
quart!
All Cleaned Out
A Scotchman bought a pound of
sausages and, taking them to his land
lady, he asked her to serve them for
his breakfast.
How'll | cook 'em ?" she asked.
FRY EN- like fish," said the Scot.
Next morning the landlady comes
in VII 'em an as she lays 'em down,
she says: 81 hope ven enjoy yer
breakfast this morning, but there's
not much in these things when they're
all cleaned cot"
X =
Letting Him Down Easy
A rich man, lying on his death bed,
called his chauffeur who had been in
his service for years, and said:
aAh, Sykes. / am going on a long
and rugged journey, worse than ever
you drove me"
"Well, sir" eonsoled the chauffeur,
"There's one comfort. It's all down
hill"
Our Puzzle Department
Father and son were licking up
moonshine.
Father" asked the son, chow am
to know when I'm drunk 2"
a.