Omaha daily bee., 1922-01-26

Then climbed out on the ground.
And spun her ill she nearly fell apart;
Then cursed her and flayed her,
And the living boob that made her.
Still couldn't get the blasted thing to start.
II was crank. crank. crank,
With the cices a-ireezing on her tank,
And il Gunga Din OF old
Can start her when she's cold
He's better man than / am with the crank.
j. NJ. O'Neil.
PHILOSOPHY.
An ounce Of hustle beats pound Of wish.
When mo,orist gets hit by freight train
he realizes how il feels TO be pedestrian and
get struck by an automobile.
There is bill in the senate to fix the price
OF wheat. While congress is about il, they might
carry this a little further and guarantee price
on golf balls. They say the high cost is entail
ing positive hardship on the leisure classes
ToDAYS IDLE THOUGHT.
No matter how mean woman treats her
husband while he Is alive, she always plans on
giving him SWELL FUNERAL!
H.H.. REMEDIES.
Dear Phlo: I have found your articles SO
helpful and your philosophy so sound that ] am
coming to you for help in my trouble. We have
an alarm clock with sleep meter attachment
which snores at night. How can / remedy this?
I will be up carly looking for your answer.
Yours, Nell.
Dear Nell: Always glad to assist We admit
our philosophy is mostly SOUND.
In regard to your alarm clock, if it is in the
habit Of sleeping on its back try turning it over.
If this doesn't help, insert bale of hay between
the ticks This will tend to deaden the noise.
Don't get up too early or you may be looking
for it before we get it ready.
A WISH.
A girl won't sing the old, old stuff,
The gay songs nor the blue Ones
And we wish she'd be kind enough
To lay of Of the new ones.
=
factions speak louder than words"
They have to, to make 'emselves heard"
Tim says: Diplomacy is the art Of telling a
lie in such way that you like to think the other
fellow believes it, although you know he doesn't.
~
PREFERRED THE CASH.
1
And then the smiling bridegroom said
Unto the preacher, Shall pay
To you the usual fee today, h..
Or would you have me wait year
And give you then hundred clear,
If should find the married state
AS happy as estimate?"
The preacher lost no time in thought,
To his reply no study brought,
There were no wrinkles on his brow;
Said he, "I'll take So now"
Anonymous.
Professional ball players are getting to cost
so much that the clubs have to buy en on the
installment plan.
As the time draws near when teams will fit
for the southern training tables, anxious club
managers are scanning the want ads for such
notices as this
For Sale-High grade shortstop, in first class
condition Used only four seasons. Small eater.
Terms.
News item says woman who slept 81 days
was awakened by photograph.
Eighty-eght days is some nap, we admit, but
being awakened by monograph is nothing new.
BOUQUET.
(From one Of the thousand bricks.)
Oh, merry hum Of the Husking Bee,
Yours is the tune that pleases me
Wisdom wise, with laugh thrown in,
That's the stuff that is sure to win.
When we have finished the daily news,
OF dozens stung or killed by blues
Like wiper our glasses you clear,
Changing our vision from things so drear.
BEE that's busy, swarming with joy,
Whose sting is never allowed to annoy,
Long may you buzz within our hive
For happy are we when you arrive.
j. c. B., Gothenburg, Ncb.
There, P. R. B., is one from your old home
town, sent in direct response to your invitation
Thank, j. c. B. That's Saying it with flowers
AFTER-THOUGHT: When you say it with
a smile you say mouthful. PH1LO.
Creating Wealth by Spending.
After the civil war this country entered upon
period of tremendous expansion of railroads
and industries, and in doing this increased its
wealth so rapidly as TO be able to pay off its
deht Tar ~, advapcA az u,ba% xor1d have heen