davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Great Falls tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1921-current, 1922-07-28

Quintus Hortensius, born 10 3. C.,
was the first to serve ~Itaacocks al
table.
Great Falls tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1921-current, 1922-07-28

From the thirteenth century the
Poles became the most Marlike people
in Europe.
Great Falls tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1921-current, 1922-07-28
WRITER'S COME

CONTINUED From Page One)
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

although he refers to them as
Sticks-proving that he 10 still
q cropping Neophyte.
He thinks that q shorter Shaft
and more Of a Lay.Back will
enable him to drive q Mile. Also,
will the Man please show him
an Iron guaranteed to reach all
the way down to the Dimple and
plunk It right In tho Eye.
Then all Of the new Implements
laid out at Home and Wife sit
ting back. listening to q Lecture
as to what viii be pulled off on
the succeeding Day Of Rest.
She had promised at the Altar
to Love. Honor. and Listen. stli,
It vas trying TO see the once.
loved Adult cavortins on the
verge Of Dementia and know that
she was helpless.
He sailed forth with those
going to Eariy Mass. and re-
turned at the vesper Hour caked
win Dust ana % Der cent sons
I. ths rurrst
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

wanted Pop arrested without bail The constable said,
Without how much baif'
Uncle Will said "This is dangerous You had bet
ter make it without million ball.
So the constable resigned and appointed deputy sheriff
60 house and make Pop feel the full majesty OF
the law by proxy Pop soaked him the head with the
and he looked the bump, and when the ambulance
the surgeon took drink and said: II can't diagnose
this lump, unless it made by fine maacca cane
And Pop said, "The very finest"
The surgeon said That's the only thing would do it.
The very best malaccs. And that bump already mas
market value"
The sheriff said: "What will do with this lumpi".
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

It seems that at the sixth hole
on the Last Round, where you
cross the Crick twice, he fell
down and broke both Arms and
both Legs So he tore up the
Medal Score. gave all the Clubs
to the Caddy. and standing on
the grassy Summit Of the tall
Cop guarding the Bunker, he had
lifted q grimy Paw and uttered
the Vow of Renpnciaeiot.
In other words. he was
Through.
The senile Wrecks and the
prattling Juveniles for whom the
Game was invented could have
his Part of Il for all time.
Never again would he walk on
the Grass or cook his Arms or
dribbie sand all over the dark
and trampled Ground where
countless Good Men had suffered
No. indsedi
% sszt day be bought an ths
r.r~phsrnaiia known 10 shs Trade.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
THE COPS CONQUEST.

A handsoms cop who rules the
street,
And grabs poor Tonsy's peaches.
She met along the busy beat
That to the alley reaches.
For many days she used 70 pas
Him on the corner standing,
And marvel at the blue and brass.
And attitude commanding.
In weather threatening, he dares
The elements TO pelt her,
And with o rubber coat repairs
To her with needed shelter.
He frequently to her reports
When she tho pavement gracos,
with well adapted paces.
In love-toned brogue he says that hs
Is lonely and detected,
And would forever happy b.
II he were but selected;
That though he does neglect 10
Tho thief to be arrested, Vi.
He would, Of course, enforce the
That Cupid has digested.
Somewhere little cosy cell
Near Chevy Chase b fitted,
To which the couple. for . spell. .
VIII shortly be, committed.
At this apartment she WIN live
In limited subjection. #
With one prepared TO always gfve
His flapper wife protection.
WADE WELLER.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
By "BUGS" BAER

The magistrate examined it and said The value Of this
very fine maacca places beyond the classification Of
SonSes,ea aesoy at;an xap1n d., h.t % ~, % th o f -
this camel"
sueezed and there will be snuff hounds the jury
The jury stayed out for six meals and back with
verdict that it q very fine malacca cane.
The lump on Uncle Wills head is one of the land
marks of village and folks always point with pride
Pops very fine malscca, cane @~..,..:- .-:-.a ~,%
to hieroglyphic u.s.
y Company
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

and his name was put up n .
Club.
It was one Of those regular and
sursrenough Clubs. High East
Winds prevailed in the Locker,
Room. Every member was q
Gene Sarazen when he got back
to the Club.
HIS LIFE WORK.
He resigned himself into the
Custody Of . professional Lsddis
with large staring Knuckles and
q Dialect that dimmed al the
memories Of Lauder.
In q short time the Form was
classy. but the Score had to be
taken out and buried after every
Round.
Mr.. Pallzey had found his Life
Work. 1t was: To get under 100.
Wife would see him out in the
Street, feeling his way along,
totally unmindful Of his Where
abouts. She would lead him into
the Shade. snap her Fingers. call
his Name. and gradually pull him
out of the Trance.
He would look at her with .
filmy Gaze, smile family, as II
partly remembering, and then say:
Don't forget to follow through.
Keep the head downright with
the left-no hunching-pivot on
the Hips. Ford q Cuppy Lie. take
the Nib. II running up with the
Jigger. drop her dead. The full st.
Andrews should not be thrown into
= Putt. Never tup. never in. Lift
the flag. Take q pickout from
Casual Water, but play the Road.
ways. To overcome Splicing or
Pulling, advance the right Ior left
Foot. sclaffing and socketing may
be avoided by adding A hook with
a top-spin or vice versa. The Man
says there are twenty-six Things
to be remembered in Driving from
= the Tee. One 10 Stance. I forget
the other twenty-five"
Then the Partner Of his Joys and
Sorrows. with the accent on the
Debit Side. would shoot twenty
Grains of Aspirin into him and
plant him in the Flax.
Next morning at Breakfast he
would break It 10 her that the
Brassie had developed too much Of
a Whip and he had decided to try
a forty-inch Shaft.
They had Seasoned Hickory for
Breakfast. Bunkers for Luncheon,
and the Fair Green for Dinner.
Az q matter Of course they had 10
give up their comfortable Homo
among the Friends who had sot
used to thsm and move out 20 .
strawboard Bungalow 70 ss TO Be
near the Exscutioa oreunds.
ttra rsI1sey vanssA 10 % ths
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
THE FAMILY ALBUM

fine living because he has only been in the business for
seventy years. and he has still got thirty before ne
gets his first complaint. OF course, as Uncle Will says
thirty years amt much than haf-holday IN this
business Uncle Will also repaired all the century plants
in town, and he guarantees them to bloom in one
hundred years.
Pop don't take much stock in Uncle Wills business and
said he won't buy anything that following directions
for century When Pop argues about planting the seeds
in the spring fall all Uncle says is "Wat and see
SO Pop banged Uncle Will the head with very fine
that he only used special There
branches Of family-fightng and drinking Pop was
related to both sides.
So Uncle Will down to the constable and said he
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
THE SCoFFER WHO FELL HARD AND THE WOMAN SITTING BY

highest branches Of . venerable
Elm.
just a. the Face Of the Club
started on the Follow Through, the
Bacillus ran UP and bit Mr.. Pallsey
on the Leg.
He saw the blinking White Spot
far out on the emerald Plain. He
heard the murmur Of Admiration
behind him. He was sorry his
wifs had not been there to take 1t
In.
Leave me have another Ball."
requested Mr.. Pallzey.
The Virus was working.
He backed up % AZ to get Run
ing Start.
This time% quoth Mr.. Palisey.
1T will push It to Milwaukee"
Missing the Object f,Attack by
a scant six inches. - did q Mari
lynn Miller toe-spin and fell heav-
lily with his Face among the Dan
delions.
The Host brushed him off and
said: your stance was wrong;
yotfr Tee was too high: you raised
the Left Shoulder; you were too
rapid on the Comeback: the Grip
was all In the Left Hand: you look
Cd up: you moved your Head st
the top Of the STROKE: you allowed
the Left Knee to turn. and you
stood ahead Of the Ball. Otherwise.
It was . Loo-Lo."
''If I como out next Sunday could
you borrow me . Kit OF Toois7"
asked Mr.. Pallsey. He was twitch-
ing violently and looking at the
Ball al II II had called him o Name.
II got that first one al right, ana
I think" ,
So It was arranged that the poor
doomed Creature was to appear on
the following Sabbath and be equip
ped with . set Of Cast Offs and
learn all about the Mystery OF the
Ages between II q. m. and\2 p. m.
Mr. Pallzey went away not
, knowing that he was . Marked
Man.
On Monday he told the Stenog-
rapher how he stung the Ball
the first time up. He said he
was naturally quick at picking
up any kind Of . Game.
- Truly al the raving IL not
done within the Padded Cells.
He came home In the Sabbath
Twilight. walking on his Ankles
ana babbling about q Dandy
Drive for the Long Hole.
Regarding the other SIS Strokes
he was discreetiy silent.
He told his wife there was
more In Il than one would sup.
pose The Easier the Swat, the
greater the Garry. And he made
one Hole IN Seven.
Nev 90 - him buying Cnhs.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
MD SEEN By BILL PRICE,
sPEAKING OF DOCTORS.

Put your tongue OUT. said the
doctor and then he began 70 write.
"You haven't looked st my
tongue" said the lady patient. :
mo" he said. II only wanted
time TO write the prescription"
Which reminds me that the
throat doctor has the best Of the
ordinary doctor In keeping women
from talking while treating them.
He just tells them to say "k and
then ldeluges their mouths with q
soiution that keeps them quiet for
swhils. 3. a. w. "
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
By GEORGE ADE

White Mountains, but Mr.. Pallzey
needed her. He wanted her to be
waiting on the veranda at Dusk,
90 that he could tell her an about
It. from the preliminary Address to
the final Foozle.
Sometimes he would come home
enveloped In . fog-like Silence
which would last beyond early
Candle Lighting. when he would
express the Opinion that the Ad-
ministration at Washington had
proved . Failure.
Perhaps the very next Evening
he would iope all the way up the
Gravel and breeze into her pres
ence, smelling like q warm gust Of
Air from Dundee.
He would ask her to throw an
Amber. Light on the big Hero. He
would call her kid" and say her
man was the Gink to show that
Pill how to take q Joke.
Then she would know that he
had won Q Box Of Balls from Mrs.
Talbot's poor old crippled Father.
in.Law.
She could read him like q Barom-
eter. II he and Mr.. Hilgus. the
Real Estate Man, came home to-
gether fifteen feet apart, she would
know Il had been . jolly Day on
the Links.
BY the second summer, Mr.. PaIl.
zey had worked up until he was
allowed to use Shower Bath once
hallowed by the presence Of Bobby
Jones.
He was not exactly q Duffer.
He was what might be called q
sub-Duffer. or Varnish, which
means that the Committee was
ashamed to give him q Handicap.
He bled freely on every Green.
Sometimes he would last as far
as the Water Garry and then sink
with a Bubbling Cry.
Notwithstanding, which. he kept
on trying to look like the Photo.
graphs Of Ouimet.
II he spun into the High Spin
ach or at the Right II was Tough
Luck. II he whansed away with
q Niblick down in q bottomlsss
Pit. caromed on q couple Of Oaks.
ana finally angled off toward the
Cup. he would 60 around for Days
talking about Some Shot.
A. his Ambition Increased, his
Mental Arithmetic became more
and more defective and his Moral
Mature was wholly atrophied.
A. an Exponent Of the more ad.
vssced Play he was . Filv. Sut ~
= Matchmaker he was . Hum.
Dfuser.
Ne hnsw he vas plain pastry Zoe
the sharks. % he would hang
around the IRA fss waiting 10 COP
cut . Pua6sne.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
THE ANGELS sERENADE

THE ANGELS SERENADE.
4 friend Of miss ,0as cGIlsd to
court
70 pav his wifs's support.
TAs fudge asked him the reason
sUku
He had not n.st his note.
Hs answsrsd, "Jndgs, that ,cfe
SNvelv gets my godt,
She 0tvss me chin for breakfast,
She 0ives me tongue at noon,
The doctor soys ] need q change,
or I'u de VERY sooss-"
The Judge turned 10 the sOosnan;
4 He sGid, "PrGv tell me s0hy
Yoss do not change his dot
WIN let this poor man def"
SAs asssrsrsd. "Jsdos. it's very
M Husband must de thas.
But u I ever hold my tongue,
The Doctor says I'u bust.
~ mast kape self-srpyessioH
AID tie pith real regret
RI soatcA the poor man die, for
then
Tu talk myself to death"
The fudge Of course, t0Gs
Notified ...
It Was q sad affdSr-
Hs sent my friend to OccoqudH
X AID lot the lady blare. t..
o. HOWE WISE.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

vVYELL, WELL if it amt the Rogersl Nom thought
" you folks safe in Smyrna. You know Uncle
w Will got writer's cramps from forging checks on
childrens toy banks.
It's strange how Uncle Will got into that trade. He used
to mend eighday clocks And eight days he would
get mobbed by indignant customers. Then he printed
calendars and year folks would demand their install
ments back because the calendars wrong
So Uncle VIII grabbed Pops beard and started to think
He finally bought established century plant business
would have to wait hundred before they discovered
his errors.
He used to 60 around planting his Seeds and matter
what funny catasophes he accumulaes he make
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

and rather resent their contami-
mating contiguity to the Mask. the
shin.Guard. and the upholstered
Grabber.
Mr.. Pallzey believed that Golf
was played by the kind Of whrs
Rabbits who March in Parajes,
wearing Gloves.
The dreaded Thing lay outside
Of his Orbit and beyond his Ken.
the Same a. Tattns or Biology.
His conception Of skeen and sporty
game was Pin Pool or Jacks Only
with the Deuce running wild.
One Sunday he was invited out
to q Food Saturnalia at O Country
Place. The Dinner was postponed
until late In the Day because they
all dreaded II SO much.
Friend Host said he had a two
some on at the Club and was try
ing out an imported Iron. so he
invited Mr.. Pallzey to bs . Spec
tator.
II he had said that he was going
up In . Balloon to hemstitch . cpu-
pie Of Clouds. II would have sound
Cd Just a. plausible to Mr.. Pallxsy.
Tho latter went along. just out
Of Politeness, but he was q good
deal disappointed in his Friend. II
certainly did seem trifling for .
Husl<ie weighing one hundred and
eighty to pick on something about
the size Of Robins Egg.
Mr.. Pallsey played Gallery all
around the Course. He would
stand behind them at the Tee and
smile in q most calm and superior
Manner while they sand-shufflsd
and shifted and jiggled and josgled
and went through the whole calls
thentic Ritual Of st. vitus.
He was surprised to note how
far the Ball would speed when
properly spanked. but he thought
there was no valid excuse for over
running on the Approaches.
Mr.. Pallzey found himself criti-
cising the Form Of the Players.
That should have been his Cue to
climb the Fence.
All Of the Mashiemaniacs start
on the downward Path by making
Mind-Plays and getting under
Bogey. ..a
DISCREET ABOUT s7s STROKES.
On the sioping sward behind No.
IS the two Contestants were hold.
ing the usual Post -Mortem.
Let me see that Dewflicker Q
minute" said Mr.. Paiizey. a. he
carelessiy extracted . Mld.iron.
He sauntered up 10 the siIiy
olobuls and took an unpremedi-
tated swipe.- The Stroke rang
sweet and vibrant The hsn ross
in parshoiic episndor sbovs ~
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

~ NE day IN the pink dawn Of the
present Century, q man with
~ his Hair cut high around
the Ears and the usual Blood
Pressure was whizzing through .
suburban Lonesomeness on . tee-
tsring Trolley. The name Of the
man was Mr.. Pallzey. He had .
Desk with Z Concern that did
merchandising In . large way.
Mr. Paiisey feared Bolshevism
and carried his wife's Picture in
his watch and wore Plasters. In
other words. he was Normal. be-
hsving nearly everything that ap-
peared In the Papers.
while the Dog.Fennel was softly
brushing the Foot. Board and the
Motor was purring consistently b.
meath. Mr.. Pallzsy looked over into
. ciose-cropped Pasture and sbe-
came the alert Eyewitness to
some very Weird Doinss.
He saw q pop-eyed Person In
soiled Negiige, who made threat
sning movements toward some-
thing concealed In the White Clo-
yer. with . Weapon resembling the
iron Dingus used In gouging the
Clinkers from . Furnace.
"what II the plot Of the Piecsf''
he inquired Of the Grand Army
man. sitting next.
II think" replied the Veteran.
- think he u killing . Garter
Snake"
''oh. no." spoke up the CONVEX
sational Conductor. He In play
ing Golluf."
Mr.. Pallzey looked with pity on
the poor Nut who was out in the
Hot, Sun. getting himself all lath-
cred up with one-Man Skinny.
He said TO q. A. r. that It took
Ill kinds Of people to make q
World. The grizsled Warrior rose
70 an equal Altitude by remark
ing that II the dasgoned Loon had
to DO II for living, he'd think It
was Work.
Mr.. Pailsey had heard Of the new
Diversion fop the Idle Rich. just
~ people out In the Country hear
Of Sickness or falling Meteors,
both well authenticated but never
encountered.
While rummaging through the
sporting Page. he would come
across a cryptic Reference to Nc
Pearson or Drumtochtie being 8
up and . to play on Hargis Of
Sunset Ho. whereupon he would
experience q sense Of annoyance
and turn over.
He had seen IN various Shop
windows the spindiy Utensils and
snowy Pellets which. he had rea-
son % beiieve. were affiliated with
ths sfckenfng Fad. He would look
q them vith extreme contempt
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
WHEN BULL Is BULL.

A Ne1 England train bostnd
for Boston struck q bull, The
engineer stopped the, train; the
conductor soent back Nth tho
customary red flag; the bull
saU the flag and it out after the
conductor, ,oko just beat the
animal to .ths reay platform.
"Thsos0ing the hull is less dan
aeyoMs than byfMg thyotOn by
one" the conductor observed.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

It should bs b6rme in mind
that HENRY FORD and the
bootleggsrs haze little IN COM
mon. Very fep bootleggsrs ever
use Ford cars. The more hootch
they sell the larger and more
powerful the car They bay.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

One day he took on Mrs. Dim.
stead's Infant Son, Just homo from
Military School.
The tender Cadet nursed him
along to an even.up at the Punch
Bowl and then proceeded to smear
His vital Organs all over the BAD
Lands.
That evening Mr.. Pallsey told
her she would have to cut down
on Household Expenses.
Six years after he gave up the
Business Career and consecrated
himself to something more I'm.
portant. Mr.. Pallzey had 90 we'll
mastered the battling Intrcacies
that he was allowed to trail in q
Foursome with the President of
the Club. This happened once.
AS FOR MRS. PALLZEY-
It Is well known that any Per.
son who nooches ground a Coun.
try Club for q sufficient Period
will have some kind Of . Cup
wished on him.
| Fourteen years ago Mr.. Pallsey
threw himself into It. Heart and
Soul. and when the Expenses ap-
proximated saoSoo. he earned his
Halo.
One evening he came back to
his hagsard Companion, chortiing
infantwise. and oisplayed> some
thing which looked like an Eye
Cup with Handles on it!
He said It was q Trophy. IT
was q Consolation Offering for
Maidens with an allowance Of
more than eighteen.
After that their daily Life re-
voived around the 81 Bargain In
Britannia Mrs. Pailsey had TO
use Metal Polish on 1t to keep 1t
from turning black.
When the Visitors lined uo In
front Of the Mantel and gazed ut
the tiny Shaving Mug. the Cellar
Champion Of the World would
regale them with the story Of
hsir-breadth. 'scapes and moving
Adventures by Gravel Guiieys and
rushing Streams on the Msrnor.
able Day when he Pailsey) had put
the Blocks to OLD Man McLaugh.
lin, since deceased.
Then he would ask all present
TO feel Of his Forearm. AFTER which
he would pull the Favorits One
about Golf adding ten years to
his Life,
Mrs., Palizey would b sittins
back. pouring Tea, but she never
chimed In with any Estim,te ~
to what had been the effect on
her Table ef Expectations
Msrsl: Rssnsh under the avn
ing.
,os,r,ss..a ,... = n. s.n .v.s
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
sHEAD OF THE CLASS"

The teacher has been reading to
sthe class about the great forests.
"And now, boys" she asked,
which one Of you can tell me the
pine that has the longest needles?'
Up went O hand ip the front row.
well. johnny"
I. M. A. MUTT.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
THE DYELNG DYER.

Il was dire news 70 the poor
dyer that he could no longer live
By dyeing. but II was bad news TO
the dyeing man that he was no
longer prepared to dye. .,
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

~ didn't this.k I'd sper live to
rcd that q man had shot an
etksr IN q quarrel ovsr q glass
Of lensomndS," sorites UNCLE
EBEN. "Nsxt thing zoe knoto
tks take -eoters sciu b shooting
each othSy IN ros0s over cake aud
10 crsGm."
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
KAW-KAWi
BY NEAR LAURET.

~~~~D - - q
There 70 a bird On ebom eli,
That laughs at hhmdm lao;
Unlike all Others. hs Uiu pelf
In Daylight, without as0e;
Corners gYain unto himself
WiM kis bM and great big
cLdsO,
And schen yon try to catch this
phelp,
Ascay hs fliss--kaso-ka.D.
There's very feo that really do
Speak s0sA Of this impisk dasO;
IT'S either they 'disliks his haze,
I HOr his voice sounds very ydsD ;
While Others take another viesc,
Worse crook they sver sop:
IL waters not, hs knosos his cue,
This happy 90 lrcky - kas0-
IT'S soryy thee, u yon do knock
This cle,on Of the feathery
kind, a.. -.
II only one or q sscarming flock,
Deception's not their line;
II it's a rod upon your crop,
His black you OeH define,
And his naughty kato--as .
clock, g..
You'd kno,o tho you be blind.
washington faces q severe crisis.
We have about exhausted the list OF
notabies to whom rnonuments, with
proprtsty. may be erected, II 10 said.
NAY We sutssst snat tnsy erect mona.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08
She changed hsr hair
Fyom broscn 70 red
At her lopsv's dyeimC request;
AZ least 90 sts sdtd.
Latsr on she became
A psyoride blonde
To please another lover. g.:
or this color fond :.
Alaska ABE. .

The girls lips quivered and her
breath came IN labored gasps, but
she did not speak.
"Do you not love mel" pleaded
the young man.
"I--I don't know" was the an
swer. ..-..
Gently he insinuated his arm
around her. Darling. would you
like me to ssk your mother first?"
With q sudden cry Of terror she
graspsd his arm. "No, no, no"
she shrieked convulsively. "She ID
a widow: I want you myself"
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

The price Of sssolias rensinds
Us
1--WE can lot the old it shirk,"
And departing leaOe behind ns
Footprints on the scGy TO soork.
OIDONO.
The Washington times., 1922-10-08

'os'r'ss'.A ,..s 90 - n ne s'n s'-S
Evening star., 1922-09-26
COTTON MARKETS.

NEW YORK. September a6.-The
cotton market opened steady today
at decline Of 10 points to an ad-
vance of / point, near months being
relatively easy. owing to the issuance
of October notices estimated at about
1900 bales. Spot houses bought Oc-
tober on the decline to 20.TS. how
ever. and the price soon rallied to
2G.9o on rumors that the notices
would be promptly stopped. while
later months held steady in sympathy
with relatively f1rm Liverpool cables.
Decor Der sold off to 21.10 at the
start, but soon rallied to 21.2I. with
the general list showing net ad-
vances of to 10 points shortly after
the call. Private cables reported
moderate trade calling in Liverpool.
sufficient to absorb hedge selling. and
Liverpool was a moderate buyer here
during the early trading.
The market was steadier during the
middle of the morning on private
crop report making the condition sos
and the indicated yield 9.970.n
bales. This with the apparently
ready absorption Of october liquida-
ton at discounts of 80 to SO points
under December. led to scattered COW
ering. The October notices were said
to be still circulating at midday. how
ever. leading to further scattering
near month liquidation. and prices
eased off again. with December SELL
ing back to 2l10 or about points
net lower