davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-07-02
By DIR. A. C. CROMMELIN.
Astronomical Correspondent Of III,
London Daily Mau.)

Astronomical Correspondent Of IN,
London Daily MaI.)
LONDON. July 1.
"H e general eagerness to
learn some Of the secrets Of
- Mars Is welcome as evidenc.
ing an awkward interest in the
wonders Of the heavens: but It is
we'll not to let our imaginatio
run riot. but to restrain them by
an admixture Of sober fact.
There are grave difficulties in
the way Of considering the planet
as an abode Of animal life. II 10.
half as far again from the sun as
the earth is. which reduces it's
supply Of light and heat to 4.sths
Of what we receive.
Other things being equal, this
would make the temperature OF
all parts Of its surface far be-
low freezing point.
Since It Is clear that the white
caps around the .Martian poles melt
with great rapidity. some have
concluded that these are not COM
posed Of Ice but of frozen carbon
dioxids. which would vaporize at .
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

lea or England. The former IL
uniformly good from beginning to
end. There Is no trying It on
the dog" Every one Of the ar
lists has been. II not Q star, at
least in the front rank Of his
profession. before the war.
The proprietor's wife. who 10
sitting with some friends at that
table. must have been q beauti-
ful woman in her youth. Two
officers killed themselves for love
OF her. and the pearls she wears
round her neck (the only Jewels
she has not already sold were
given her by some grand duke.
A girl, dressed In black and
cleaning sequins. comes on and
does . sensuous Eastern, or 70
be more correct. Caucasian dance.
She II Princess x, but she dances
with q fold Of her heavy draperies
across her facs. 90 that only her
dark eyes are visible. When the
dance is over she disappears
through some back entrance.
Five years ago her Jewels were
worth a fortune. Now she Ii
wanted" by the Bolshevists. She
has been into Russia twice and
brought back both jewelry ana In.
formation. II they caught her they
would torture and kin her.
The curtain goes UP again ana
four or five Of the artists come on
and sing an impassioned song to q
ghastly.looking death mask. The
latter represents Cocaine" whom
the authorities say Is dead. Tho
song bcwaiis his demise, but sud.
denly the eyes open and the head
comes to life. The wall changes
into an extravasant outburst Of
Joy, and they 80 through the mo-
tons Of shifting cocaine.
The girl with tho brilliant eyss
and the hair strained back from
her forehead, knows well enough
how to simulate the action. she
Is q heavy 'dopcr," and. further.
Is suspected Of passing on supplies.
but she 10 too clever TO be caught.
She 10 extraordinarily attrae tiv"
and amusing. and knows every
corner In Constantinopie. ana mcst.
n moi all. OF the crooks.
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

would make q helpful companion
for later years. when the man has
risen into a wider field. and pos
sibly a higher grade Of society.
THE wELL-MATCHED PAIR.
But you might Just as well
argue about whether two animals
could draw q vehicle better than
one alone.
Certainly they could II they
were q well-matched pair Of tho
same species. sharing the burden
equally; but II one was q young
horse. spirited and desirous Of
foraging ahead. and his companion
In the shafts was undersized. or
lame, or feeble. or . pony, or .
sheep. or q mule, who wanted to
go the other way, or stand still.
naturally the vehicle would not
advance as fast or as smoothly a.
II tho young horse were alone.
Whether an ambitious man IN
handicapped or not by marriage
rests entirely with the particular
woman chosen.
A man has often been helped IN
his career by an advantageous
marriage-especially II II 10 en-.
tered into late enough in life, after
thirty-five. say, for the goal he
desires to reach to be defined. BY
that time he can have . clear idea
of what companion would bs the
most suitable to share II with HIM
when he attains It.
Marriage to the ambitious man.
II entered into too young. 10 almost
bound to be . handicap. for the
reasons already explained: because
human nature when in love does
not reason. and the pretty. BRAIN
less fluff of eighteen does not often
develop into the clever woman Of
thirty.
Brains show at any age-end II
they are absent in extreme youth.
II Is only in story books and NOV
ing pictures that they become pres
ent later on! "Dollys" grow into
faded bores more often than not,
and then they are handicaps.
THE SWEET CREATURE.
The sweet creature Of his own
class that an ambitious young city
clerk marries In not so likely to
rise with the cares Of homo on her
shoulders as he is. out In the world.
When he has reached forty he may
bitterly regret his bargain.
The thing to balance mp IL what
matters most to you. yourself.
II to attain a certain goal 10 the
thing you most desire in life. have
strength Of mind sufficient to con-
troll desires which, II indulged in.
must initiate against its attain
ment.
Keep your purpose steadfastly In
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

statements: II has q great past:
1t Is at present the greatest
university in the world; and II Is
quite possible that It has a great
future. Oxford trains scholars of
the real type better than any ether
place In the world. It's methods
are antiquated. It despises science.
Its lectures are rotten. It has pro-
fessors who never teach and stu.
dents who never learn. It has no
order, no arrangement. no system.
It's curriculum is unintelligible. It
has no president. 1t has no State
legislature to tell how to teach.
And yet-it gets there. Whether
we like It or not. Oxford gives
something to its students, a life
and a mode of thought which in
America as yet we can emulate, but
not equal. II anyone doubts this.
let him go and take a room at the
Mitre Hotel and study the place
for himself.
DISTRESSING CONDITIONS.
These singular results achieved
at Oxford are all the more surpris-
ing when one considers the dis
tressing conditions under which
the students work. The lack of an
adequate building fund compels
them to go on working in the same
old buildings which they have had
for centuries. The buildings at
Wadham College have not been re-
newed since the year 1905. In
Merton and Magdalen. the students
are still housed in the old build
ings erected In the fourteenth
century. At Christ Church Col
lege I was shown a kitchen which
had been built at the expense Of
Cardinal Wolsey in 1925.
Incredible though 1t may seem,
they have still no other place to
cook in than this and are compelled
to use 1t today. On the day when I
saw this kitchen four cooks were
busy roasting an OK whole for the
students lunch. This, at least, is
what I presumed they were doing
from the size of the fireplace used:
but It may not have been an OK.
perhaps It was only COW.
On a huge table. twelve feet by
six. and made of slabs of wood
five inches thick, two other cooks
were rolling out a game pie.
estimated 1t as measuring three
feet across. In this rude way, un.
changed since the time OF Henry
VIII, the unhappy Oxford students
are fed. I could not help con.
trasting 1t with the cosy little
boarding houses on Cottage Grove
avenue, where I used to eat when
I was a student at Chicago. or the
charming little basement dining.
rooms of the students boarding
houses in Toronto. But then, Of
course, Henry VIII never lived In
Toronto.
WHY NOT REBUILD
The same lack Of building fund
necessitates the Oxford students
living In the Identical old board.
ing-houses they had in the six.
teenth and seventeenth centuries.
Technically they are called quad
rangles" and rooms" but I am 30
broken in to the usage Of my stu.
dent days that I can't help calling
them boarding houses.
In many Of these the old stair
way has been worn down by the
feet Of ten generations Of students;
the windows have little latticed
panes: there are old names carved
here and there upon the stone:
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

Two knights Of the road drifted
into the scent lunch room one
morning last week.
How much are your egg sand.
wiches?" asked one.
-Four cents without butter. s
cents with butter, but we amt
got no butter" sang the red
haired queen.
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

view Use reason over every sc-
ton. .' ( ~
But II. with an ambitious tenn
permanent, the actual goal 10 not
defined. balance up whether You
would not rather take your happi-
ness while you are young. and
chance its being a handicap later.
An indomitabie win can overcome
any handicap. ............. ~
But how many people have In
domitabie wills? Very few. The
viii is ono Of the things over which
people hold the most illusions.
They think they are adamant. and
in reality they are as wax IN n.
gard to their personal weakness.
EARLY CHOICES REGRETTED.
On the whole. I should say to
the young ambitious man-refrain
from marrying unless the alliance
10 quite obviously to your advan-
tage. Wait until you are thirty
and can show discrimination.
For women the case 10 altogether
different. Marriage Ii often the
only road to the qualification Of
their ambitions. '-.s'- w
The professions. where IL may be
considered az . handicap. are the
acting and moving picture profess
sions-or any profession where the
woman 10 a public character. Then
the man has to take second place.
which none Of our countrymsn
like-unless he ID Of the Same pro
fession and II In the same degree
. favorite with the public.
But again. an actress might take
. mate who pleased her and seemed
perfect at twenty and who became
q drag at twenty-five. 80 the Same
rules apply to women In public
professions n apply to the am
bilious man. .- +t*
An ambitious woman, however,
often spurs on . less gifted hus-
band to wonderful things. There
are statesmen and many public
men who owe their success entire
ly to the intelligence Of their wives.
II you are ambitious (of either
sex) choose . mate who win help
you to secure your ambition and
then you must help the mate to
rise a. you yourself rise.
Many ambitious young men who
have married docile charming girls
have left them behind simply by
neglect and want Of sympathy
when they could have taken them
forward each step By understand.
fns-just a. many budding am
bilious men have been quashed
and their careers ruined by mar.
row nagginK wives at home.
"Marriase"-as make ono of
my characters say in one Of my
books-"ts q pretty tough, dull
affair anyway But elderly peo-
pie must try not to be cynical!
The Washington times., 1922-07-02
Blow Torch.


(Ths following Is a chapter
from his Forthcoming book,
"Orford As I See H.") <"..
TN writing of the University Of
Oxford I may say that am
writing of something Of which
I have absolutely first-hand infor-
nation. My interest as a univer-
sity professor led me, during my
recent lecture tour in England. to
make q special visit to Oxford in
order to submit the place to q
searching scrutiny.
Arriving one afternoon at 4
o'clock stayed at the Mitre
Hotel, and did not leave until II
o'clock next morning. The whole
Of this time. except for one hour
spent in addressing the under
graduates. was devoted to a close
and eager study Of the great uni
versity.
When I add to this that I had
already visited Oxford in 1907.
and spent a Sunday at All Souls
with Col. L. S. Amery. 1t will be
seen at once that my views on
Oxford are based upon observa-
tons extending over fourteen
years.
At any rate. I can at least claim
that my acquaintance with the
British university is just as good
a basis for reflection and tudg-
ment, as that Of the numerous
English critics who come to our
side Of the water. I have known
a famous English author arrive at
Harvard University in the morn
ing, have lunch with President
Lowell, and then write a whole
chapter on 1.-THE Excellence of
Higher Education in America"
have known another one come
to Harvard. have lunch with
President Lowell, and then write
an entire book on THE Decline
Of Serious Study in America" Or
take the case Of my own uni
versity. remember Rudyard
Kipling coming to McGill and say
ing in his address to the under
graduates at 2:30 p. m: "You
have here a great institution"
But how could he have gathered
this information. AS far as I
know. he spent the entire morn
ing with Sir Andrew MacPhail in
his house beside the campus,
smoking cigarettes.
When I add that he distinctly
refused to visit the palaeontologic
museum that he saw nothing of
our new hydraulic apparatus or Of
our classes In domestic science,
his Judgment that we had here a
great institution seems a little bit
superficial.
can only put beside 1t. to re.
deem 1t in some measure, the hasty
and Informed Judgment expressed
by Lord Miner, "McGill is a noble
university" and the rash and in.
discreet expression Of the Prince
Of Wales. when we gave him an
LII. D. degree, "McGill has a glori-
Gus future"
INTIMATE OBSERVATION.
To my mind. these unthinking
judgments about our great COL
leges do harm, and I determined.
therefore. that anything I said
about Oxford should be the product
Of actual observation and real
study based upon a bona-fide resi-.
dence in the Mitre Hotel.
On the strength of this basis Of
experience am prepared to make
the following positive and emphatic
The Washington times., 1922-07-02

and q thick growth Of ivy covers
the walls.
- The boarding house at st. Johns
College dates from 1866; the one
at Brasenose. from 1909. A few
hundred thousapd dollars would
suffice to replace these old build
ings with steel and brick struc-
lures like the normal school at
Schenectady. N. r. or the Peel
Street High School at Montreal.
But nothing Is done.
A movement was attempted last
autumn toward removing the ivy
from the walls, but the result was
unsatisfactory and they are put
ting 1t back. Anyone could have
told them beforehand that the
mere removal Of the ivy would not
brighten up Oxford. unless at the
same time one cleared the stone
Of the old inscriptions, put in steel
fire-escapes. and in fact brought
the boarding houses up to date.
But Henry VIII, being dead.
nothing was done. Yet in spite of
its dilapidated buildings and its
lack Of fire-escapes. ventilation.
sanitation. and up-to-date kitchen
facilities. persist in my assertion
that I believe that Oxford, in It's
way. is the greatest university In
the world. I am aware that this
IL an extreme statement and needs
explanation. Oxford Is much
smaller In numbers. for example.
than the State University Of Min
nesota. and It is much poorer.
HAS FEW STUDENTS.
1t has fewer students than the
University Of Toronto. To men
ton Oxford beside the $4,000 stu
dents Of Columbia University
sounds ridiculous. In point oS
money. the $50, 900 900 endowment
Of the University Of Chicago. and
the $4,000. 900 Of Columbia, and
the $43. 900. 900 Of Harvard seem to
leave Oxford nowhere.
Yet the peculiar thing IL that II
is not nowhere. BY some queer
process Of its own 1t seems to get
there every time. It was there
fore Of the very greatest interest
to me. as profound scholar. to try
to investigate Just how this pecu.
liar excellence Of Oxford arises.
It has hardly been due to any
thing in the curriculum or program
Of studies. Indeed, to anyone ac- .
customed to the best models Of
university curricula as they -four
ish in the United States and Can
ada. the program Of studies %
frankly quite laughable. There 10
less applied science in the place
than would be found with US In a
theological college. Hardly a single
professor at Oxford would recog-
nize a dynamo II he met It in broad
daylight.
The Oxford student learns moth.
ing Of chemistry. physics. heat,
plumbing. electric wiring. gas fit
ting. or the use Of a blow torch.
Any American college student can
run a motorcar. take a gasoline en-
gine to pieces. fix q washer on q
kitchen tap, mend a broken elec-
trio bell. and give an expert
opinion on what has gone wrong
with the furnace.
1t is these things. indeed. which
stamp him as a college man, and
occasion a very pardonable pride
in the minds Of his parents. But
In all these things the Oxford s.u.
The Washington times., 1922-07-02
By STEPHEN L.EACOCK---
(WeH-KnoUn American Humorist)

"a (WeHhn0Dn American HuDtOTtSC
McG University Professor Contrasts Oxford With American nStu
Ons of Higher LeanngSayS Oxford Student Learns Nothing Of
Chemistry Physics Hea Plumbing Electric Wiring, or Use of
The Washington times., 1922-07-02
By LADY KITTY VINCENT
(NOted Woman Writer)

Consantnope Constant Riddle Port Where Strange Ships Put
and Thence Sail Away to Unknown Destinations Tells of
Dance of Yelled Princess in Cabaret
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29
MEEK is JUSTICE
BUT NOT MEEK ONE

WILLIAMSON w. Va, Nov. 30.
IN. F.tMeek, justice OF the peace
OF this town, Is by,no meaps.a meek
squire, according TO Robinett Cas-,
CO, and Casco from his cell in the
Mingo jail, muttered that he knew.
Casco was moist on his own
petard" when he urged Trooper
Huhling Browning Of the West Viz.
gina State Police to arrest ANDY
Mabe on an assault and batterS
charge. Mabe tried to Justify HIS
bouncing a wrench on Casco's
head, but Casco didn't interrupt, as
he thought his adversary was due
for jail term. When he Iiear.I
only IS fine imposed be became
wild.
Everything that niger said Is q
hlack.faced lie," stormed the eau,
casian Casco,
you had your chance TO talk.
Five dollars and five days forscori.
tempt Of court,e said the squire,
who took the opportunity to show
he believed MaUe, even though as
couldn't Justify the negro taking
the law into his own hards: ~
That's a damned lie," shouted
%Ten dollars and ten days, !.
q e = - d
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29

"That reminds me that you went
on a hunting trip near Webster
Springs early in the fall"
That's right"
"well.Swhat did you bring back?"
the Maid asked with a twinkle Ia
her eyes.
'.You know, that's a funny thing.
I got lost Of squirrels, ate quite
few of them and then sailed the
rest away to bring back home"
What happened? Did someone
steal them?" questioned the, Maid.
"No, l walked of and forgot
them IN the rush at the last min.
ute.n Merle declared.
That's a good story 70 tell some
persons" laughed the Maid. THAT
reminds me that Glenn Shaver
caught two five.pound small.mouth
black bass in the Cacapon River
but allowed them both to escape
from the sack In which they were
tied to the boat; However, he re.
deemed himself about a month Ia.
tor when he took @, e. Smith along
ana caught the same two five:
Founders over again In the souti,
Branch OF the Potomac"
That's what I intend to do.s
said Merle, defending himself.
An open confession Is good for
the soul, they say chided the
Maid: = suggest that you bring
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29
Put An End
To Neuriitis

Neutritis Is an Inflammation Of
the nerves, brought on by colds,
injuries, bruises, malaria or In.
fictitious diseases. AS a rule IL
settles'in the shoulder, neck, fore,
arm, thigh, leg or small Of the
back, causing merctless stahblng
pains that are often mistaken for
rheumatism, seiatiea or neural-
GA.
Regardless Of what caused your
neuritis or whore the pains are.
located, II is possible TO obtain,
quick relief without taking naT.'
coticsNor other dangerous drugs.
An application OF Tysmol over The
part that hurts usually stops the
misery, Tysmol d absorbed
through the pores Of the skin and
has n soothing, healing eject
Upon the diseased nerves.
Don't endure this agony anoth-
OF, day. Get "a supply OF Tysntol
from Fortney Drug Co. Price
81 everywhere. T'SsIn6iS Company.
Mfg. Chemists a 90 Suffer st, san
|Franctsco.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29
WE LIKE THE MAN /

~
HE American public Is fond Of George Glenn
enceau. his warm welcome upon his arrival,
the oyations he has received wherever he appears,
are all tributes to the affection which the American
people have for the Tiger Of France But this
does not mean that the American public agrees
with the clsnaenceau policy, or that America shifts
even an inch from the steadfast attitude she has
assumed in regard to her participation in the az
fairs Of England, France, Turkey and the rest.
clemenceau sees Germany arming and French
nation that must be prepared. Clemenceau thinks
France in Just as much dangerStoday as she was
when the Kaiser sat upon his throne and called
out his troops for world dominance. clemenceau
would have an America pledged to come to the
rescue in case Of war-any war-not taking into
consideration that French hysteriaa and French
bitterness might be the aggressor. The French
newspapers declare that American applause will
be puerlle II not backed bywriting and signatures"
not recognizing that American applause comes
from a warmth Of personal liking and from an
understanding sympathy for an attitude that
American reason does not bear out.
i The people here were most anxious to hear
what clemonceau had TO say, but nothing he has
yet said will draw America into the Lausanne me-
sotiations extract from this country the pledge
Re seeks. clemenceau will leave the United States
disappointed man, but it is the hope Of the pub
lie that he will be comforted by the admiration
that exists for him personally and that he will not
become bitter In his disappointment.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29
WHEN a WHIPPING posr is NEEDED.

T Is difficult to comprehend the depth to which
humanity can descend when all finer sensibill-
ties and all moralrresponsibilities are laid aside
The city has seldom had a more shocking example
of this truth than the assault last Monday on an
aged man by a human brute who has evidently
ranged all the>way down the SCALE and struck rock
bottom.
A man who will SO abuse and i'll treat his own
little children that the courts declare him utAt
and unsafe to longer be with them is certainly
bad enough, but when he adds to this murder
Gus assault upon an old man who has brayely
taken up the responsibilities that should be right
ly shouldered by the brute in question, there are
not words to adequately describe such an indlyi-
dual.
1t will not be possible to punish this man in a
fashion that would ut his crime. He has not the
sensibilities that could be touched by fne or inn
prisonment II his poor suffering victim should
die, death sentence would perhaps bring to him
some Of the feeling that should be his portion,
otherwise he will escape What is needed for such
man is whipping post. A place to fay his physi-
cal being into some sort Of realization Of his &C.
Hon. He cannot be made to suffer through his
moral sense, but he could acutely be made to sui.
fer through his gross brutal physique. e
There are certain crimes that whipping post
supremely fits, and there are frequent laments
that this method OF punishment by law hassbeea
done away with. This assault which makes the
city crnge is one of these crimes, and IL Farmont
had whipping post no doubt this brute would get
q taste OF the lash that would last him lifetime.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-29
ThE MAID
on TfE COURTHOUSE

Good morning, Mr.. Amos
greeted the Maid on the Courthuse
as Merle Amos, real estate dealer
farmer, coal operator, lumbernhn
and taclSot.all.t1ades, started up
the courthouse steps.
Good morning fair lady," vamp.
cd the yersatiIe business man
For cent I'd throw you a rose.g
ITS q nice day for fish, said
the Maid 70 start conversation.
Yes. but I'm looking for Hunter
Nesly.R
what's that got to do with
fishg Besides. I thought Huntcr
Nicely had taken unto himself o
wife and had gone into seclusion
Ia far.distant city,
you get me wrong. I'm looK.
ing for veg Nicely, the. hunter
declared Merle!
Have you Joined the Nimrods
foo7" asked the Maid.
Yes, indeedi' replied Merle,
somi.modestly. sp