The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1922-11-26
Why Pm Thankful

Why Pm Thankful
After the profoundest cogitation
over that depressing "bromidism:'
What have | to be thankful for"
have finally decided that have
many excuses for gratitude.
In the first place;
/ am thankful that woman is
well-still-iust woman; and that
she can yet weep on big broad blus
serge shoulder; and love; and scold;
and coquet; and giggle; and be ut
terly and absolutely unreasonable;
that she still continues to draw
wrong conclusions from right prem
Uses, and right conclusions from
wrong premises, and pokes the fire
from the top; and that she is yet the
clinging-vine, understanding, sachet-
powdered, fluffy, feminine, thing
that she used to be and continues to
keep mere man waiting hours until
she powders her nose" and then
casually strolls down to fill her en-
gagement asking Enthusiastically: SIS
my hat on straight"
| am thankful that betrothals are
still made in the parlor talthough
the parlor went out of style with
horse hair furniture and crinolines)
by dim gaslight rather than at
meeting of board of directors for
race betterment."
| am thankful that Buster Brown
knows more of a prisoners base
than of eugenic love.
! am thankful that the futurist
painters are futurists and not "pres-
ent days"
| am thankful that "war poems'
are growing fewer and are no
worse than they are.
am thankful that while | haven't
got much sense | had enough not
to bob my hair.
] am thankful that 1--WE have
(not) with us tonight" more danes
of so with the manners of a kitten
and the morals of a cat.
| am thankful that while some
women wear ''knickers" few still
cling to old fashioned petticoats and
"panties."
| am thankful that the modern
day preachers Thanksgiving SER
mon is not as long as those of Win
throp and Mather and other old
long7winded fossils who never knew
when to stop.
am thankful that though for
time we may be without Budweiser,
and light wines. potash, Limburger,
dyestuffs, cavaire, and hand-carved
camels, yet by the same token we
are delivered from further varia-
| tions of the Make" and from the
tyranny of the Rue de la Paix!
Selah! /
am thankful for Woodrow Will
! son, and his broad, wonderful, splen-
did brain, that is still working and
sitting up and taking notice" with
a hand in the pie for the naming of
candidates for the near future ia
, big business politically
am thankful for the peace
treaties in the year of Namur and
Lemburg.
am thankful for the hundreds
of years that stretch from Pontiac
to Big Chief Henry Ford.
! am thankful for little old New
York and the Great White Way and
Fifth avenue, and that once in
"coon's age' Pack Up My Trou-
bles in My Old Kit Bag" and land
there and walk me up and a-down
those beautiful thoroughfares just
like | had money, too.
| am thankful for mince pie, and
baseball, and the things that Con-
gress hasn't seen fit to investigate.
/ | am thankful that the man who
do f..xt IL L..
that u. ID. C.'s stands for the
Omitted Daughters of Cats wasn't
Shot at sunrise"
| am thankful that | know that
Mustapha Kemal Pasha isn't brand
of cigarettes but great big fight
ing man.
am thankful that the common
or garden variety of newspaper
folk Zone Of whom I'm which,
hasn't been censored, hat-pinned,
forcibly fed on pate de fois gras,
one-stepped, or nominated for the
Senate.
| am thankful-oh well, thai I
! don't have to read all the trashy
novels that are published; hear all
the jazz music that is written, or
wear ftHe lolg, unDecOmlng skirts,
which few women are trying to
make fashionable,
| am thankful that | am not the
hammer" lady out in California
who "beat up her rival.
| am thankful for Babe Ruth. and
Evangeline Booth, and Billy Sunday,
and Geraldine Farrar, and John
!, Mccormack, and that the city com
4 mission at last passed on the audi
forum (although I'd be much thank
fuller if they'd done it years
sooner.
! I'm thankful for you and for me
and for the other fellow. and,
Finally:
Oh yes.
I'm thankful that Pm not a
Turkey