davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
HowMuchBid
For Tea?

TT took a typical country youth
to put one over on a bunch
Il Of thirsty washingtonian ne
who took a trip to Atlantic City
recently. The evening was hot
and the train was one OF the
friendly kind that pause at every
little jerkwater station along the
right of way. After many such
stops. it at last managed to crawl
into the State Of New Jersey.
The Washingtonians were hot.
uncomfortable and fretful when
the train stopped at a little station
marked "Cinderville." They were
about to rise and denounce all
railroad corporations for the thou.
sandth time. when their attention
was attracted by a youth standing
In the center of the isle with a
basket on his arm.
Anyone vast to by any cold
tear Only one dollar a bottle"
said the country chap. throwing
back q cloth and revealing a
basket full. Of half-pint bottles.
What kind Of cold tea is H."
asked the Washington barber.
Must be good for q dollar a
bottle"
TITS just cold tea. but mighty
good cold tea-only I must ask
you not to drink II till the train
gets out Of the station. don't
want to get into trouble with the
police. Hurry UP IL you want Il,
the train will move in a minute"
Eager hands dug down after
dollar bills and for the nexs few
minutes the chap was busy hand.
ing out bottles. The train began
to move. The youth rushed for
the steps and jumped off. Five
minutes later. penknives and a
stray corkscrew were brought into
play. There were blissful sighs an
bottles were tilted skyward. Then
came gurgling oaths. The country
boy has told the truth. The bottles
contained cold tea.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
GIVE US SOME MORE"

GIVE US SOME MORE"
A contrib who liked the draw.
ings Of STONEBURNER and
NASH in Thursdays H and s,
writes: "Give us some more. The
columns going good" Stone
burners at won't be long now"
idea appealed to fans Of the col
umn, as did Nash's female beauty.
There are some mighty bright
artists who draw for the column,
and their work adds to its increas-
ing attractiveness. The cartoonist
who can get hold of . real funny
idea. that strikes the popular
fancy. and develops it In series Of
drawings, IL sure to make good.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
But Nobody
Had aGun

TT = was . scotchman. ana me
" al scotchmen. he loved q
dollar. In spite Of this there
WAS . strain Of sporting blood On
his veins and he Travelled out 10
Laurel every day and tired his iuck
with the ponies. Strange to ~.
he managed to keep Q little ahead
OF the game. In the offies where
he held down the position cf mana.
ser. the girls would listen with
glowing eyes. ~ he told Of the XIII.
ing he made st the track the day
before.
One afternoon. Just % he was
about to leave the Office ana catch
his train for Laurel. the little tele-
phone operator came 70 him
SANDY" she said, tive rot a
hunch ana I want you TO put this
ten dollar bin on on High to win"
You're throwing away your
coin." said Sandy. He hasn't a
chance"
well. bet II anyway. IT'S not
all mine. Each Of the girls In the
office put In q dollar and We want
TO play that horse"
On the way to the track, Sandy
got to thinking about that bet. In
his estimation. 'on High" didn't
have q chance in the world ana Il
seemed q shame to waste a mood
ten dollar bill betting on Il. Sandy
decided to keep the ten dollar bin
In his pocket and be that much
ahead Of the game with no one the
wiser. The race in which -on
High" was entered came rouno
ana the horses were at the post
SANDY Kept away from the machines
and grinned to himself as he thought
OF the foolish girls In the office.
placing their money on such a dog
The race started ana .on Hieh~
was Off Ike a shot. leading the field
by two lengths at the quarter. Al
the half. "on High" was thru,
lengths in the lead. Sandy cou,d
stand no more. With a moan ne
sank TO the ground and unman,v
tears coursed down his cheeks. II
was here a friend found him.
What's wrong with YOU. SANDY"
he said. az he bent down and raised
the Scotchman's head from IN.
ground.
Where are those horses" asked
Sandy.
AT the three-quarters."
(which ones ahead!"
"on High by five lengths"
Oh" groaned Sandy.
Whats the matter7 canI do
anything for your"
Yes. il you've got a run for
Gods sake. shoot that horse In the
lead. and If you can't do that. shoot
me-"
on High" won and paid sac 90
II took three Of his friends to get
Sandy on the train.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
More Heard and Seen
AND YET THESE KIND
ESCAPE BEING SHOT

ESCAPE BEING SHOT
Bill: The killing of male af-
finities and husbands seems to
6e a national sport just noao and
fu submit this case to column
readers as evidence that while
the killing epidemic is going on,
some shooters are sparing their
lead. A Chicago icoman testified
that. she icds secretly tDedded to
her sWeetie. During whole
month following the wedding he
called every evening, bringing
candies and flo,Uers, also taking
her to shows, but he never once
asked for q kiss. This sort of
treatment surely comes under
the heading Of inhuman treat
ment. FLORA.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

MUTTER-wel Ford pretty anything else
,MUMBLE-She visited the art galleries there. too
MUTTER-h your daughter fond Of the old mastersi
MUMBLEI don't think She tolke the young fellows
when she at home.
MUTTER-Why, Of those old masters 1--WE hun
dred years old
MUMBLE-Then I'm she doesn't 60 out with them.
MUTPER-Has she been to Rome yet?
MUMBLE-Yes, certainly
MUTTER-Did she visit the ruins of PompeI?
MUMBLE-Did she visit them? engaged them
.MUTTER-Why. the ruins of Pompeii a wreck
MUMBLE-Thats what thought picture
MUTTER-Did she send you anything from Rome?
MUMBLEYes but I'm saving them for the Fourth July
MUTTER-What did she send you?
MUMBLE-A couple of Roman candles.
MUTTER-Has she visited Belgium yet?
MUMBLE-No; but my has.
MUTTER-How do you know?
MUMBLEHe old suits home and the coat had
q couple Of Belgium hares it.
AUTTER-1t's plain to see Mr. humble, you've
been abroad.
MUMBLE-Have you been abroad?
MUTTER-zNo.;
MuMBLEWer all you need put skirts on and you
q
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
That's Different

Hale-Why do you look so peeved
this morning?
Hardy-I loaned Bill $40 last
night.
Hale-Why be sore about it; he'll
pay it back.
Hardy-That's all right. What
gets me is that he spent 1t on my
best girl.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
By John p. Medbury

MUTTER-Men Of ability.
MUMBLE-But she likes to be presented at court,
MUTTER-Thsre lots Of collection agencies
who'd be glad to help her
MUMBLE-You don't understand me- She a husband
who doesn't work.
MUTTERI know where she can find lots Of them
MUMBLE-Right she's in Italy says that every
night guy stands under her window the guitar
MUTTER-You'd better write the window
MUMBLE-Why?
MUTTER-Because she's liable to catch it.
MUMBLE-It takes long time to master the guitar
MUTTERYes; but do it you take enough quinine
and aspirin.
MUMBLE-And then when he finishes playing. my daughter
throws lire out the window.
MUTTER-Thats what they ought ones in this
country.
MUMBLE-Was your daughter Venice?
MUTTER-Yes; two months ago.
MUMBLE-Did she ride in a gondoa?
MUTTER-Of My daughter has never been in
patrol wagon in her life.
MUMBLE-You don't understand me- A gondola is vehicle
where a man has to stand behind push it.
MuTTER-Oh, you a Ford.
MUMBLE-No. gondoa on water.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

The most historical allitera-
tive bone aDas Burchard,s "Rum,
Romanism and Rebellion" A
New York reformer no1U quotes
Rides, Reels and Rum" as the
Dorst perils to girls.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
SKIRT THERMOMETERS.

Arizona Ike-Her skirts are a
trifle short for this winter weather,
aren't they?
Oklahoma Pete-Oh! I don't
know; they are just two below the
knee. GERTRIJDE.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
Flapper Fairy Tales.

Georgette-Father said that we
would have to take a chaperone
II we went out tonight.
Ludwig-well then. let's take
your grandmother along and ven
all go out and have q good r1me
together.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
Between the Lines

HE COOKED for us.
HE TOLD me tales.
OF WHATEVER it was.
HE TALKED about. .
AND I'D pretend.
THAT I understood.
AND ANSWER yes"
AND ONCE in awhile.
I'D ExPoUND to him.
ON WHATEVER i. was.
I WAS talking about.
AND HE'D hiss yes"
AND SHOW his teeth
AND ALL the time.
THE BOTH Of us knew.
OR AT least 1 did.
AND think he did.
THAT THE other one.
HADN'T ANY idea.
WHAT WE talked about.
AND ANYWAY.
THERE CAME a day.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

YOU MAY recall.
THAT l once wrote.
OF A cook we had.
A KOREAN boy.
WHO ANSWERED an ad.
AND CAME to me.
AND TALKED to me.
AND didn't know. :
WHAT IT was he said.
AND HE didn't know.
WHAT I said to him.
AND BOTH of Us.
KEPT SAYING yes"
TO EVERYTHING.
THAT THE other said.
AND l understood.
WHEN HE went away.
THAT HE'D be back.
IN AN hour or two.
AND so he was.
AND HIS name was Karl.
AND FOR eight full months.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

"OdAo OC oNdho1A6 III q hoICA AOu'
by and strangers came up and
hung their coats on him. But
then he started getting dime tips
and he thought that even in time
of fire, famine and flood there is
Insurance.
So he felt better and met q
friend of his and they skipped
the Eighteenth Amendment a cou.
pie OF times and uncle came home
and challenged pop to anything.
Pop wanted to know what, and
uncle said. Anything at all.
There amt one thing that you
can do that I can't do better
than you"
He kept up his anonymous
boasting and pop said to nom.
Your escaped brother is loose
again That's him. He takes one
drink of that radio liquor and he
starts broadcasting."
Uncle said, I'll broadcast you
for a row Of weather.beaten canal
boats. I'm mad and hungry. I'm
rs hot and hollow as a stovepipe."
Mom said to pop. Don't turn
Abimelech away hungry. What
does the Good Book say about
Pop said, "Oh! That's been We
toed by the President"
That got uncle 50 mad that he
couldn't see help wanted ads. He
took a punch at pop and pop re-
turned 1t with compound interest
for seventy years. Then nom
horned in with a ladylike broom
handle, and soon that kitchen was
national headquarters for all the
meanness and spite in America.
So pop and uncle shook all their
fingers that wasn't busted and
made up. Pop asked uncle to go
shooting with him in Central
Park. and uncle said they couldn't
unless you were like people in
New Brunswick who considered
a marriage license a permit to go
shooting.
So pop laughed a whole octave
above sarcastic and went out the
door. leaving uncle alone with a
regiments share of dumbness.
Then uncle went out, too, and
met another friend, and they must
have pressed one of those mys-
terious bottom bells in a dark
hallway. because uncle was laugh
ing and shouting when he came
home and he and another old
stove-hugger were comparing
their boards and arguing about
their texture.
Uncle was hollering so loud that
pop poked his head out of the
window and hollered, There's
that radio liquor again"
Nom said, whats that?"
Pop said, THAT lost. strayed or
stolen brother of yours is broad
casting again"
Nom said. well, you seem to
be tuned in pretty good"
Pop watched uncle staggering
and said. mo. his wave length
are too long for me-"
Nom said. stop that debate
before 1 take the negative"
Uncle was shouting something
at the top OF his hat about Pat
rick Henry wanting poisonal lib
erty or home brew. And what
ever It was, it couldn't have been
aged in the wood because It
would have started a forest fire.
BY and by uncle went around
and chased the watch dog out of
his house and went to sleep
dreaming of international warfare
and ideal peace treaties that
would allow you to fight.
In the morning pop got upsand
eaw uncle bivouacking in the
dOghOuse and said to nom, Now
1 know why that decimal-witted
brother of yours wanted me to
buy a Newfoundland instead of a
toy spaniel. He'd have room to
invite his friends in. too
That started another quaint
tribal quarrel. with all the neigh.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
THE GIANT IRON KEYS
OF THE OLDEN DA

H. B. ROSSELL was quite
interested. he writes, in a news
item printed in The Times from
Greenville, N. c., regarding the
finding Of solid iron key, weigh
Ing two and a quarter pounds, by
a colored man digging in the earth.
Just such a key" says Rossell.
was in constant use at my former
home. Asheville, n. c., until the
latter part of the year 1886. 1t was
the key to the vault of the old
Cape Fear bank building. The
vault was an iron cage, lined and
covered with brick, with a solid
iron door. The lock was very
ponderous, the key about a foot
long, and weighing over two
pounds. The building was de-
molished about 1885,"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
By TX. C.. 3" !"

THREE THOUSAND miles.
AND THEN 1 remembered.
THAT HE could read.
IN THE Eng tongue.
AND ] wrote to him.
IN HIS hotel room.
THAT HE'D have to 60 out.
AND GET a job.
AND HE sat down.
AND ANSWERED it.
IN VERY good English.
AND SAID he would.
AND WE both shook hands.
AND HE went away.
AND GOT a job.
AND EVERY Sunday.
-
ON HIS day off.
HE CALLS on me.
AND WE yes" each other.
FOR A little while.
AND HE goes away.
1 THANK you.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

"Yes, Job Oas a patient man."
declared Uncle EBEN, "but l
don't believe he ever sat do,cn
on a hunk of chewing gum left
IN the chair of a movie picture
shop."
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

/ REALIZED.
THAT KARL expected.
TO GO with me.
AND I went to him.
AND SAID to him.
HE'D misunderstood.
AND HE couldn't 90.
AND HE smiled some more.
AND KEPT kissing yes"
AND GETTING ready.
FOR THE railroad trip.
AND WAS SO glad.
THAT HE almost cried.
AND / hurried down.
TO THE ticket place.
AND BOUGHT him a ticket.
AND A lower berth.
AND SAID no more.
THAT HE couldn't go.
AND THE next night came.
AND WE took our train.
AND "YESSED" each othsr.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

WHEN THE home that was.
WAS A home no more.
AND THERE were trunks.
THAT 1 must pack.
AND A railway journey.
THREE THOUSAND miles.
THAT ! must take.
AND ALL the time.
KARL WAS right there.
AND SILENTLY,
DID WHAT he could.
UNTIL ONE day.
WHEN THE time was near,
THAT 1 must go.
HE SAT him down.
AND MOURNFULLY.
AND IN saddened voice.
HE TALKED to me.
AND WHATEVER he said.
I DIDN'T know.
BUT 1 said yes"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

That started another quaint
tribal quarrel. with all the neigh
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
PHILOS HY

Laugh and groD fat,
Grin and groso thick;
If you knoaU any good jokes,
Send them to Bill quick.
FLORENCE HOAGLAND.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

bors anxious to stick their spoon
into our family silverware.
And you better go away quick
because pop always gets mad
when he sees you here around
supper time, and his temper leaks
like springs out of a busted sofa.
Well, goodbye, walk past our
house some time. And IL you
ever write again, try to make lib
eral use Of the alphabet indorsed
by the Board of Education.
Copyright. 1872. by Star Company
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

AS ] always did.
AND HE showed his teeth.
IN A great broad smile.
AND KISSED out yes"
AND HURRIED away.
AND INTO his room.
AND AN hour later.
THROUGH HIS open door:
SAW his trunk.
SPREAD ON the floor.
AND CAREFULLY.
HE WAS packing it.
AND HE jabbered some more.
AS l looked in.
But l paid no heed.
AND JUST said yes"
AND WENT my way.
AND HOWEVER it was.
THAT 1T came to me.
I'LL NEVER know.
BUT ALL at once.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
Album
By Bugs" Baer.

TT ELLO. you're as welcome
as ants in q pudding. Pop
AA didn't think you would
come over to our house today
after he pasted that quarantine
sign over the Welcome on the
doormat.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Yes. this is pops picture. taken
when he was hunting quail on
toast up In Canada He didn't
catch any, because the toast was
very scarce that year. They did
shoot a wild cow with a bell
around its neck. Its owner was
wild. too. and he filled pop 30 full
Of birdshot that pop was eligible
to Join the Audubon Society.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

A moose Chased Uncle Abime-
lech' and prodded him with its
sntlers something terrible. They
took uncle to the hospital and the
doctors couldn't pull the antlers
out. So they sawed them off and
poor Uncle Abimelech has got to
be a hatrack for the rest Of his
life.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

In the morning pop got upsand
eaw uncle bivouacking in the
dOghOuse and said to nom, Now
/ know why that decimal-witted
brother of yours wanted me to
buy a Newfoundland instead of a
toy spaniel He'd have room to
invite his friends in. too"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Nom said. stop that debate
before 1 take the negative"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Nom said. well, you seem to
be tuned In pretty good"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Uncle felt kind OF bad when he
would be standing in a hotel lob.
by and strangers came up and
hung their coats on him. But
then he started getting dime tips
and he thought that even in time
Of fire, famine and flood there Is
Insurance.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Pop watched uncle staggering
and said. mo. his wave length
are too long for me-"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Pop said, THAT lost. strayed or
stolen brother of yours is broad
casting again"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Uncle was shouting something
at the top OF his hat about Pat
rick Henry wanting poisonal lib
erty or home brew. And what
ever It was, it couldn't have been
aged in the wood because It
would have started a forest fire.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
Money
Clear

A PETTY crook with q won
~ derful nerve has recently
L - made his bow in Washing
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26

Uncle was hollering so loud that
pop poked his head out of the
window and hollered, There's
that radio liquor again"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-26
So Sherlocks
Go Wrong

U case In the history Of the
Washington Police Depart
ment producsd ~ .,
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-24
9 Local People
 Named In Will

Nine friends and relatives are re- membered in the will of the late Mrs. Mary A. LeCras of this city, which was offered to Judge Paul L.. Miller for probate today. Mrs. LeCras' estate Is valued at approximately s3,5O0. Judge Frederic A. Bartlett is named executor of the estate in the document.
 After ordering that s40o be set aside for the erection of a monument for herself and her husband in Noun tain Grove cemetery, and providing S200 for the perpetual care of her cemetery, plot, she made the follow ing bequests:
 Miss Mary E. Gedney of Rye, N. Y, a cousin, $500 and a pair of brass candlesticks. Mrs. Anna F. Watts of Stratford, a cousin, $600.
 Mrs. Viola Hinman of Bridgeport $500 and a gold watch.
 Mrs. Louisa Tarp of Bridgeport, $300.
 Mrs. Elizabeth Buckley, of Bridge port, S20O
 Mrs. Hansania Tarp of Bridgeport, S2OO.
 Dr. John F. Flynn of Bridgeport, a French clock
 Mrs. Dora Miller of Bridgeport. S3OO and personal effec&.
 Mrs. Annie Latin of Bridgeport
 The rest and residue of the estate Is left to cousin, Mrs. Anna E. Watts of Stratford.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-24
Bogash Bros.
 Suit Settled
 Out of Court

The Bogash brothers, Lou, Patsy and Peter, famous in the fight game in the order named. through their attorney, Henry Greenstein, received a satisfactory settlement from Joseph S-liaZdowski, also this city, shortly before the damage action of Peter Bogash, was scheduled to start in Common Pleas court today. Peter and Patsy were named as the plaintiffs.
 They brought suit for damages of S1,500 for injuries to themselves and the Bogash automobile in a collision with the Sniazdowski car on Brook lawn avenue, April 10, last. The claim was made that the Bogash car was travelling on the right side of the highway when the defendants s car was turned around and the acci- dent the result. Attorney I. Elson represented the defendant. The amount of the settlement, said to be satisfactory to all concerned, was not made public.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-24
Formal Papers
 Filed Today

Formal papers fin the voluntary bankruptcy action of F'urer's Music Shop. 1244 Main street. were on file in the office of Referee In Bank ruptcy John Keogh this morning. Amonsz prior claims listed are state taxes of s2s; taxes due the City Of Bridgeport of s26S.2s. and the special six mill tax of s55.70, as well as an amount of $66.10 due Abraham Irurer, of Room 401, at 11S8 Main street The total of prior claims is $413.0s.
 In addition there is a note due the First National bank of $2.5O0. The total of the liabilities is $15.e29.7o. and of the assets. $1Sr270.0O. Of the assets s7.S20 is listed as stock; a Dodge machine at s250; fixtures, S2.650; deposit on electric meter, $50, and accounts outstanding $2,500. Nearly all creditors are New York 1nanufa cturers and jobbers in the music and toy trade
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-24
FORMER BOXING CHAMP DIES AS RESULT OF
 LAST NIGHTS BOUT

Boston, Jan 24-Ambrose J. "(Joe") Melanson, former national amateur boxing champion at 1855 pounds who sustained a fractured skull last night in a professional bout with Joseph St. Hilaire of Somer- worth. N. H., died at a local hospital early today without regaining con sclousness. Hilaire was detained by the police pending investigation.
 Melanson, stop gap who was call ed to the ring when another boxer failed to qualify, was feIled in the fourth round of scheduled eight round preliminary bout. Regaining his feet. he was knocked down again with a right hand blow to the jaw In talling, his head struck the canvas
 The fatality was the first that has occurred in this city since the state boxing commission assumed control of the sport It was stated that Melan- son had been examined before the bout by the club physician. an official licensed by the commission and after being submitted to the required tests declared in condition to compete Melanson was 25 years old and mar ried. He had been boxing for five years.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-24
PROPOSES AID
 FOR SHIPPING
Lasker Presents Proposals To President Harding To Help American Marine Commerce.

Washington. Jan. 24-Proposals for government aid for American shipping as worked out by the Ship ping Boa;l were presented to Presi- dent Harding today by Chairman Lasker and Commissioner Lissner.
 While the text was not made pub I1c, it. was understood to propose aid through payment to American ship operators of certain percentage of the customs receipts from goods inn ported by them, thr ough provision for .enlner.hlp Of crews of Ameri- can vessels in the naval reserve force with resulting additional pay and through provisions that a certain proportion of immigrants coming to the United States should come on American ships
 The plan which is expected to form the basis If a message to be sent to Congress early next month by the President would put a limit by law on the profits of American operators and trIng into play the indirect as sistance only when a reasonable profit is not realized without such aid.