The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1922-02-02

An Emmett barber says the 15-cent
shave will never return until faces get
shorter.
The eastern physician who recently
discovered that onions are the secret
Of good health neglected to tell VI
how onions can be kept = secret.
Dali EireanD requests Irishmen to
smoke only Irish cigarettes, and we
SUPPOSE the same thing goss for Irish
potatoes.
A hundred years or 70 from now
Some old mans head will shake,
"They don't make home brew now
he'll snarl
Like my dad used 70 maks!"
It Il not only Impossible to legis-
late morals in people, but legislatures
can't even create . statute that will
control the devilish propenSities Of
winter itch.
q 4 4
Father will keep the house warm,
all right, II the women folks will just
do their part. Their part consists in
wearing little underwear when zero
weather Is stalking about in the land.
Ask q man what disease he fears
most and he will say, "Brtght's dis
ease" thinking Of himself. Ask .
woman, and she will say "diphtheria"
Of her children.
. q .
This new telephone which will en-
able you to see the person who is
talking TO you is not going to be very
with those who always hear
the phone bell just as they have
hoped into the bathtub.
An Emmett woman says she can
tell when her husband has won or lost
1t poker. II he has lost he throws
1is pants across the foot Of the bed.
Il he has won he puts them under his
pillow.
People who write the month, day
md year by figures will have the
brill Of a lifetime on Washington's
birthday this year, when they will
write il 2-22-22. The date will sound
Ike Jack Whalen's Punkin Vine whist
ing for the mill crossing.
"How is the moonshine liquor down
he valley?" asked an acquaintance Of
lid Bill Misgivens. "Tollable poor
tuff," replied Old Bill. "While I was
aking a dram Of it the other day
Topped some on one Of the dogs and
urhung il it even blistered him!"
A little girl from Boise was visit
ny at home near Emmett. Every
hing in the country interested her
cry much. On butchering day she
sas in her glory. Nothing escaped
err. When the work reached GER
ain stage she cried out in amaze
,ent: "Myl / didn't know pigs had
1ner tubes!"
Levitzky had given his son . severe ,
hrsshinR for disobedience. As the
oy stood in tears, the father said:
Now, what do you t'ink Of that, I
uh :" No answer. So Levitzky went
n: II know what you t'ink. You
ink, DAMMIT Just for that I give
GU another licking. teach you'll" Il
Q . . q
It pays to be kind, even to COM :
arative strangers. An actress in
srited fortune from an old woman i
, whom she had rendered service l
,me years before, and now We read /
lat q New York man has left $780,
70 to . woman who had refused TO b
AIRY him many years ago. {
The high financiers do not all oper-
. on Wall street. For instance, !
,ere is an Emmett man who owned 7
ictrola. firing of it he sold 1t to
young lady. When she had finished !
wing for it the Emmett man mar
ed her. He now has the money, the
and the girl. :
q . =
Jack had returned to his ship APP "
.rently under the influence Of drink, =
ID was being interviewed by the -
licer of the watch. That worthy, to -
owe whsther Jack was drunk or not :.
dersd him to repeat the sentence: ~
he Irish constabulary extinguished =
. CONGREGATION" Jack stood for = =
mute, blinking, apparently stunned =
the magnitude Of the task. Then, =
tn . smile Of triumph, he blurted :
{: "Ths Irish coppers put the fre ~
t. -
Old Bill Misgivens has spent eight nt
:. -