davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Famous American Fallacies

considered unless he auto
mobile.
That famous opera marry monares they
them.
That the voead heavy
Europe
That chnamsn goes China
in luxury.
boys real hot weather when
they feel It.
That of he carrying
handsaw.
That the hero Of every kick up the
last section.
That hats filed with cooler than light
felt hats.
That every who very pencil has lot of
money laid away.
That of Semitic origin necessarily very
business
That artists and writer's nprovident eventually 60
the poorhouse.
That every playwright thirty forty pieces that
fall
That words Of grand opera listening you
understand them.
That who attends church regularly always in
business
That homely always safe happers
and vsmps.
That d Of importance hs always said bs
TO lunch"
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
The New Fall
Styles
Jewellers announce that
anthracite gems will be

Jewellers announce that
anthracite gems will be
! much worn by society wo-
men who attend the opera. One
and two-karat Jumps Of harl
coal are also being made up into
settings for mems rings. These
gems will denote not only good
taste, but great wealth as well.
Toward the middle of Winter
ropes Of hard-boiled eggs will
come in again and will be af-
by the wives Of the very
rich.
Owing to the exigencies Of the
times, tailors announce that
hooch pockets will be made
smaller this Fall. Formerly made
to accommodate quart TASKS,
they will be cut down to half
pint dimensions.
On account Of the fuel short
age it is predicted that red-flan-
mel underwear for men will come
back into style for the first time
in thirty years. These suits will
be cut high in the neck and long
in the sleeves. All gentlemen
will then be eligible to member
ship in the fire department.
1t will be extremely fashion
able this coming Winter to lay
up private automobiles in dead
storage for the cold spell. This
Is on account Of the fact that
people will want to walk to keep
their blood circulating, also on
account Of the cost Of gasoline
and oil.
open-work apartments will not
be very popular after October /,
although they may be quite gen.
orally worn by New York fami-
lies. For comforts sake It may
become the rage to line these
apartments with black tar-paper.
This will be very handy for the
school children, who will bring
chalk from school and use the
walls for blackboards for their
home work.
II will be customary for peo-
pie going on weekend visits to
tske their coal with them In
handbags or carry oil heaters.
Oil heaters SO carried by persons
travelling will be closely investi-
gated by enforcement officers.
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Couldn't Blame Him.

AN excited middle-aged woman
"A rushed into q police station
and accosted the inspector on
duty.
"where's my JoeI she de-
manded.
"Beg pardon, madam--dog, I
presume!" said the officer.
"Don't you dare to presume
nothing Of the kind" snapped
the woman. "Dog, indeedl No,
sir, husband-my husband. He's
missing, disappeared, decamp-
ed"
"You don't say so?"
"But I'll have you to under
stand that l do say SO. How dare
you sit there and contradict me !
I'll report you, sir. Do you hear
that? I'll report you! Where's
my husbandF"
"My dear madam"
''How dare you call me your
dear madam? Do you imagine
I came here to be insulted? I
tell you my husband has decamp-
ed, and you sit there like q dunn
my! What do you think Of that?"
"well, madam" replied the in
spector, 81 haven't the pleasure
Of your husbands acquaintance.
but l should say he Is q very = ise
man. Constable, show this lady
outr'
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
The Hero.

saTHIS is one of my ancest-
ors," she said, pausing be-
fore q portrait. "He fall at Wat
erloo. Have you any ancestors ?"
He remembered an uncle who
had sole charge Of the front of a
cinema theatre, and murmured:
"Er-yes, one"
"Did he fall anywhere?"
''Not exactly; but I remember
being told how, clothed in full
uniform, but unarmed save for q
light cane, he stood before a gor-
geous palace and kept a bowling,
surging mob at bay single
handed" y
REALLY! How splendidw
"0h, he thought nothing Of L.
Did 1t every night for years."
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Heard Along Broadway

He lodged into an alley, but was
still pursued. In desperation he
jumped a wall, ran up a slope
and into a churchysrd, where he
crouched painting in the shadow
of q tombstone.
The man behind still followed.
Quivering with fear, Jones await
ed his pursuer.
"WIwhat do you want?" he
asked.
81 say" exclaimed the stranger,
mopping his brow" do you al
ways 60 home this way? I want
to see Mr.. Brown, and the man
at the station told me to follow
you, as you lived next door.
Have we much more Of this to
go through before we get there?"
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
The Lesser Evil.

YOUNG Pilson, who had got on
very well in London, was en-
tertaining his mother and father
from the old village home.
On Sunday morning he took
them to church. He was not at
all ashamed of their homely
looks, but drew the line at his
fathers lusty singing.
As they walked home, the
young man spoke his mind.
"Look here, dad" he said, "if
we 60 again tonight, don't sing
quite so loud. You had every
body in church staring at you
this morning" ..s
T'm sorry, 'Arold, but it
couldn't be helped" answered
the old man, seriously. "You
see, IL 'adn't 'ighered my voice,
SO to speak, they'd a 'eard your
mother"
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Acro-hahY-atics.

THREE-YEAR-OLD May had a
penchant for clipping. Given
a pair Of scissors, she would
leave nothing unslit, and one
day, in a frenzy Of JOY, she cut
her curly haired baby brothers
head quite bald.
"Miss Mayw shrieked the
nurse. "How dare you"
"He cut them himselfw plead
ed May, now on the verge of
tears.
"You wicked little story-teller!
How did he reach the back of his
head?"
"Why-why," answered May,
between her sobs, "why, he---he
stooded on the stool"
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Ten Rules for Everlasting Life

!. Eat what % good For you.
2. Don't drink bootleg hooch
;. Take plenty Of recreation. Don't work
4. Have . large fortune to prevent worry.
s. Don't be run by automobile.
8. Steer clear of poison ivy and boiler explosion
T. Do attend any railroad wrecks smallpox e..
9. Don't associate with gunner or Bolshevists.
o. Don't take belods Of mercury By mistake otherwise
10. Don't make faces at poliesm.n
The Washington times., 1922-09-03

Copyright. iSs2, BY star Co.
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Cheer-Up
Cuthbert

has been having . tough
time the past two or three
years. We speak exclusively Of
the American breed. Every pub
Lie speaker who has come here
from foreign lands has wallopsd
the tottering old wreck until he
has como to view Life As just one
darned knock after another.
Nobody has taken tho trouble
to pat the old skate on the head
or offer him q consolatory dog
biscuit He has been In the posi-
ton Of the Teller that needs .
friend.
Ths American husband Is q
nobody who Il ruled by his wife,"
said N eminent savant from Bull
gsrta.
"He makes . fool Of himself
by spending too much money on
his wife," said an eminent leo
turer from Mesopotamia-
He has the culture Of the
livery stable and the manners Of
tho barroom," said tho celebrated
lady satirist from England.
He does not know how %
wear his clothes. He II not srtis-
tic," said tho noted sezplogis
from France
An that was al right and thAn
came . moving picture bird from
Italy BY the name Of Valentine
who wrote q magazine story and
added the last straw that brols
the camel's back.
"Ths American husband" u1d
he. "does not know how 70 ualcs
love-"
Heavens, WHIST . oastdgsttonl
All the rest was bad enough b
know but to realize that hs did
not know how to make love, oh.
desolationl
What worse could bs said Of
any citizenry\ than that they do
not know how to make love. No
set of husbands anywhere In ths
world could live down that dis
grace. All, mol
They have been told that they
treat their wives too we'll and let
said wives walk on their necks.
They should use the European
system and put the wives in their
place. Caveman stuff That Is
tho European system. Make all
wives walk behind their husbands
on the street.
That is the job that foreign
lecturers put up to poor old Cuth-
bert, the downtrodden husband,
a. the only possible cure for his
condition. L It any wonder he
funkedi
No, he simply turned his face
to the wall, weltering in his. dis
grace and waited for the end to
come. There was no hope for
him.
But now . faint ray of hope Is
beginning to pierce the Stygian
gloom which surrounds him.
A faint but sweet voice has
foated over the broad expanse Of
salt water that separates US from
the mother country, or mother
in-law country, as 1t were. The
voice says, In no uncertain tones:
american men are the only
members of the male sex who
really advocate the single stand
ard Of morality. The English
man Il the same as other men.
He believes In the single standard
but does not want to do anything
about It.
''The American man Is the only
man I have ever seen who Is clean
In his attitude toward women.
The American husbands are the
eleanest, finest men In the
world"
The speaker was Lady Astor,
member Of the English Parlis-
ment.
The poor old patient may re-
cover if treated to a few more
doses Of life-giving oxygen such
m this In fact. he NAV now ha
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
No Cause for Alarm.

IT was rather late for Jones to
be getting home. Walking up
the street from the station he
heard someone following him.
He increased his speed and the
steps quickened also.
Jones felt he must not reveal
his terror by looking back. He
turned quickly down a side
street. The footsteps followed.
The Washington times., 1922-09-03
Call It
"Doughville"

playground Of rich New
Workers. is said to be hard up for
the reason that a great many
Americans have left for home.
It Is q very sad blow to any
European resort when it has to
depend upon European money.
The only kind Of money that Is
plentiful In Europe is the kind
that Is no good. .....
At the present rate of prices
. ham sandwich in Deauville
would cost q Russian approxi-
mately 845,762,s16 rubles. An
Austrian could get one for $685.
els kronen.
The stuff that makes the rou-
lette wheel spin Is made in
America.
On account Of slack business
and the fight Of the American
eagle, who seems to. have ac-
quired the homing instinct, prices
at Deauville have been reduced
SO that It can be patronized by
the poor people as well as the
rich.
Under the new schedule it is
possible to secure q hall bed
room, without bath or ventila-
ton, for SIS a night. A gin
fIz (flsvored with gin) can now
be procured for 81 and a modest
tip Of 81 for the waiter who
brings it. An ordinary hotel
dinner now costs only SO. A
glass of lemonade (genuine
lemon flavor) is now only $3.50.
A fashionable bathing suit by a
Paris modiste can be purchased
for $1,000. So it can be seen
that Deauville is feeling the
pinch of hard times and is in
desperate straits, indeed.
Other prices at Deauville have
reached the following low levels:
Tip for pitcher of ice
water, only. $3.50
Rent of automobile for an
hour ................ :. 72.00
Taxicab per mile. ...... 27.50
Pair of pants pressed. -. 8.25
Breakfast of two eggs and
bacon S.VV
Ticket to moving-picture
theatre ..... CIT
Ride on merry-go-round.. S.15
Rent Of dress suit, one
evening ............. 21.65
Ice cream soda. .......... BIZ
Hot dog 2.75
Park rowboat, per hour. 500
With these low prices prevail
ing it will be possible for many
poor people to enjoy the advan-
tages of this stylish resort for
the first time after being obliged
- -~-A~~k kL~;~ rn,,ls xx,f4h fha
The Washington times., 1922-09-03

With these low prices prevail
ing it will be possible for many
poor people to enjoy the advan-
tages of this stylish resort for
the first time after being obliged
to content their souls with the
delights of Coney Island for
many years.
The Washington times., 1922-09-03

Great Britain Rights Rekrvsd.
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
FORDSPUTOUT
CAR EVERY 5 Il
SECONDS NOW
President Explains Reasons
For Latest Reduction In
Prices- Quality Up.

According 20 q statement just ris'
sued by Edssl B. Ford. president OF
the Ford Motor Company. Detroit.
explains the reduction Of $50 car
in the prices of Ford Model I cars
and the Ford one-ton truck wh'ch
went into effect October IT.
"Tbe revision in prices" said Mr..
Ford "is the result of the increased
volume of business which our COM
pany has enjoyed during the present
wear. and also, to the fact that we
now own and operate many OF our
own sources Of raw material. which
enables us to continue increasing the
quality of our product and at the
same time keep the price so low that
Ford cars are in reach OF everybody.
"Our production for 1929 is already
in excess of q million. which hds
been an important factor In bringing
down costs. Our present daily out.
put is averaging better than 5000
cars and trucks, which means com.
plete Ford car or truck every oh
seconds Of each eight-hour working
day.
tinued demand that price adjust,
ments are again being made IN order
TO keep In effect the policy OF selling
Ford products AT the lowest price
consistent with quality.
equality, as usual" said Mr.. Ford.
will continue to be prime con.
sideration in the building OF Ford
cars. A. our business mas increaseh
we have constantly increased our
equipment and manufacturing facili-
ties, so that this price reduction
merely reflects the progressive
met hods which come az a result or
Increased volume. -
"This reduction. which 10 the sixth
since March 1890. brings the price OF
he Ford touring car from S575. the
price in effect early in 1920. TO ~,
nresant extremely low level Of S2ss'
which Ia nearly 50 per cent less
Corresponding reductions have been
made on all other types.
The new prices by types follow:
Touring. s2ss: roadster. $3.50; CHASSIS
soa5. coupe. $3.50: sedan. 1896: truck
tSen
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
FINE DISPLAYS
Of HUDSON AND
ESSEX MODELS
Closed Car Show Featured by
These Popular Lines-Many
New Fittings.

One Of the finest and most con-
1lete exhibits OF closed cars at Con-
vention Hall Is the display of Hud.
son and Essex cars by the Lambert
Hudson Company. distributors OF the
Hudson and Essex lines In this ter.
ritory.
The thoroughbred simplicity OF
lines Of the Hudson Super.S Sedhn
with its long body lines and clean
cut design makes a strong appeal
10 owners who prefer the hest IN
good taste and refinement.
The seating arrangement Of the
sedan affords the maximum Of com
fort for seven passengers The aide
and rear lining and seat uDholsterv
are Of very heavy fabrics--tha seats
are deep cush oned. and the fittings,
"ardware, plate glass windows and
harmonious color scheme all make
a particular appeal to women II re-
tinement who either use or drive
their own cars.
The Hudson coach will probably
make an even greater appeal. as
It meets the requirements OF great
number Of motorists who want the
utility. comfort and cleal moss or a
high grade, attractive. all sea 1on oar,
at a price near that OF the open
models.
There Is also a fine display Of
Essex cars. OF course. the Essex
coach is bound to he popular IA
vorite. The coach not only offers
the protection and comfort Of the
closed car in all weather, but has
all the pep and n mble activity
Of the open touring models. which Is
a remarkable feature. as most closed
cars are rather sluggish m their
getaway.
An !mportnt feature OF the Essex
coach type Of top construction Is
that IL entirely elm mates the oh.
iec+ionable rumbl'ng sound 80 often
found in many closed car compart-
men's.
Take II all in all. the Hudson and
Essex cars not only meet the needs
~ people OF wealth. but also those
If moderate means as well.
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
Motorcar Develops a
r.. Vocabulary of Its OzOn

own accord at any unsupported mo-
ment. II does mean that there is
In the auto an electric motor for
cranking the car without which
the driver would haye to get out
In front OF the machine and start
the engine by the hand-cranking
method. It means that the car has
within 1t the means of starting the
engine and consequently the auto
mobile.
The Universal Joint.
Universal Joint" is q term
which might have been recognized
by some in the days antedating
the inauguration Of the Eighteenth
amendment 10 the. Constitution.
The Informed auto fan recognizes
this term as one applying TO a
flexible coupling through which
Two shafts at an angle may be
driven.
''Differentiar' Is a word applied
to an Arrangement on the rear
axle which permits the rear wheels
to turn at different speeds when
going around q corner.
".Accelerator" is the term given
the pedal by means Of which the
sped of a car is Increased or ao-
CELEBRATED. BY pressing this accel
orator Ledal more gas Is supplied
to the engine and an increase in
power Is furnished.
The Washington times., 1922-10-21

that the closed body was turned into
a personal-drive proposition II began
to make gains In popular favor.
In 1919 the production OF closed
cars amounted to just 10 per cent OF
the total output of American facto.
ries. This was the year In which the
sedan really achieved its place In the
sun and won general recognition as
an extremely practical body type.
All the early defects In design and
construction had been overcome, but
even at that q very large majority
OF the motoring public had not yet
learned to appreciate the new free
dom Of sheltered travel which the
closed car brought. Ii is to be noted
also that prior to 1919 the whole
closed car matter was so unimpor,
tant that reliable statistics are not
available to show what percentage
of the output of the various compa.
nies was Of this kind.
Gain Is Steady.
However. 1919 marked the definite
turning point and in 1920 the per.
centage Of closed bodies had risen to
II per cent of the whole. This year
was the biggest one the industry
ever enjoyed, with liberal spending
and a market that could not be sat
lated. until August. after which the
less said the better. At any rate,
the sharpeit upward tint of the
closed car curve came in 1920.
Progress in closed car production
continued in 1921, although not quite
as rapidly as In the year previous.
The record for the twelve months
showed 22.1 per cent of the produc-
ton In closed models. The year 1921
saw q very marked decrease in pur.
chasing power and a tendency To re-
strict expenditures all along the lins
and all over the country. Undoubt.
edly many purchasers felt constrain.
ed to take open models, when per.
sonal tastes would have indicated Sc.
dams. or coupes. In spite of this the
curve continued its Upward course
as we have noted.
To date 1892 shows closed car pro
duction at rs per cent, one quarter Of
the whole. This is not likely to be
the rate for the year, because the
output Of closed models is always
speeded up during the late months
Of the year. 1t is simply impossible
at the present moment to say, where
he curve will end for the present
year.
1t requires no great mathematical
genius TO understand that 1t will re.
quire only a very few years to make
closed cars the majority Of the pro.
duction. Even II the present rate OF
increase Is maintained. five more
years will see closed models In the
head. But now that the landslide has
started, the rate is likely to be large.
ly increased
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
DETROIT HOLDS RECORD
FOR AUTOMOBILE SHOPS

Figures tust prepared by Detroit
automobile manufacturers show that
today there are eighty.two passenger
car manufacturers in the country and
fifty-one truck makers.
OF this number there are only
thirty passenger car plants which
are classed by the manufacturers as
being in the major Industrial field,
while the other fifty.two, mostly a..
sembled cars, show but q slight
volume Of business during the boom
months of this year.
OF this total more than fifty cars
and trucks are made in Detro and
more than sixty in the State OF
Michigan. These figures do J.. take
nto consideration the body. radia.
tor and equipment factories in De
trOit
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
PHILADELPHIA DRIVERS
SCRUB LICENSE PLATES

seventy.nine motorists In Phila-
delph:a. Pa. were recently forced
20 alight from their cars, accept
scrubbins brushes from a stern
policeman. and clean their dirty au.
tomobile license tags. Among the
group were q number of prominent
society folks.
II was part OF campaign to on.
force the state traffic ra"r'at.or
that the number plates shall he
" sible fifty feet away.
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
IS
WINNING PLACE
Of POPULARITY
Is Becoming Necessity for
Average Family, Says
Motor Expert.
by ALEXANDER JOHNSTON,
Editor Of MOTOR.

I'VE have reached a position today
where the average American Ia be-
ginning TO realize that he cannot af-
ford not to own II closed car" This
-emark was recently made by one
Of the most acute observers In the
lutomotive field, Edward S. Jordan,
president OF the company that bears
his name.
Radical as the statement sounds,
Mr.. Jordan's line Of argument
through VIII .ch he reached ne con.
clusion is unanswerable His con-
tention is that the motor car Is now
so inextricably wrapped up in our
national life that no man who has
learned to depend upon a car can af-
ford to own one which Ia not avail
able for service every day of the
year.
Moreover, even the briefest glance
1t the history OF closed car develop.
ment In this country serves to sub
tantiate Mr.. Jordan's dictum. So
short a time ago as 1919 only 10
per cent OF the motor car production
Of America was given up to closed
cars. For 1922 the proportion will
he not less than rs per cent and will
probably run over that figure. II
he present rate Of gain in closed car
production Is maintained. IN five
years time the inclosed body will
be dominant In the field.
Early Cars Open.
The closed car is not an entirely
new development n the automobile
Industry. In the dawn Of the motor
era . of course. all cars were open,
so open that riding in them became
a Spartan test Of endurance. The
situation actually was that the early
Engineers were too deeply engrossed
in trying to get their crude infants
TO run for more than a mile to waste
any time in making their patrons
comfortable.
AS the cars OF the dawn era slow.
iy began toagain mechanical relia-
bility, their designers turned Their
attention TO improving the super
60. ,r"o Cushions were added 10
make seats comfortable. SIDES wsr'
e hOi'es, tops were IN
stalled, w,ndshields came into oeins
and the motor car as we KNOW II
emerged from the shadows. ihen
some genius hit upon the schene OF
enclosing the tonneau OF the car IN
4 permanent top with glass WIN
dOwS. the pFOtcCtiOi Wa
tended TO the driver until later anu
sor many years closed tops we're m
stalled only on cars intended 10 Do
driven bv q chauffeur
II Ia really rather remarkable, tne
number of years that elapsed Detore
the idea came into being OF inclos'ns
driver and passengers In a single IN,
closed compartment making q closed
car adapted to the owner-driVer anu
his family or friends. When this
stap finally did come. We had the
q dan and on smaller scale the
coupe. the TIVE types Of closed bodies
that are destined to rule the motor
car field for many years to come.
Cost Too High.
During the years when the closed
car meant a car TO be driven by a
chauffeur, the appeal Of the type
was obviously limited. Few motor.
lists can afford to pay chauffeurs and
most men prefer driving anyway.
During this period of the closed cars
existence II constituted a very small
proportion of the production Of the
American industry. The minute
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
FRANCE 'S BUILDING
SMALL, LIGHT AUTOS

Because Of the taxes and hiPh
~ost of gasoline, France Is butldin"
smaller and lighter automobiles thar
hose generally used In the United
states. Official public contests ar"
held in Paris. and the winner OF tn
competition was recently able to Fe'
through the DEVELOPMENT OF bette
carburetor, sixty miles to the gal
ion Of gasoline.
The Washington times., 1922-10-21
Pictures as Evidence.

Instead Of the usual verbal testi-
mony Of witnesses. Judges OF two
police courts in st. Louis Mo-. now
base their decisions In rnotor.vehict"
accident cases on actual Illustrations;
using miniature automobiles ana
street cars. A cardboard chart Is
,,ssd for the highway. on which lines
of a street Intersection are drawn.