davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-11-27
FLIvERETTES

THERE Il q woman across the
street who can back out Of
aarage without hitting any
thing except the, corner Of her.
porch and the. house next door.
The repair man .indnlges IN q
quiet smile when pop let's little
wiilie have the car,
: Shall It sbe a new shoe for the
old bus, or new ones for the fam.
flya
Mrs. F1at--John, what are
those horrid boys sroaning and
beating washboilers fort
Mr.. Fiat That sin.t the boys.
That's the Smiths car limping in.
The towline gstteth the Joy
rider.
optimist: One who laughs
heartily after puncturing his last
spare thirty miles from home.
Many motorists are now ask.
ing; "why does a pedestrian
cross the roadf"
lf.4 s. H4 ~ b ~ T. y r l.. H
The Washington times., 1922-11-27

The towline sstteth the Joy
rider.
The Washington times., 1922-11-27

TTs alright fopp q spinster to
set married, but the only trouble
h they usually drag some man
into It.
> stcopyrisht, is2a. By King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
The Washington times., 1922-11-27
NO. Street.

: Texas Baptists have gone on
record against the teaching OF
the Darwinian theory. You can't
make monkeys OF themi ~
The Washington times., 1922-11-27
SOUR GRAPES

DEDESTRIANS may be. classi.
fled as the quick, and the
dead. The taxicabs arc
doing the classifying.
Our idea OF direct action is
running OF with ahosher mans
wife. 80 -
Bootleggers are bed6miis 50
upstase they won't 40 banness
without a letter Of iptrodactiofis,
When the baby swsirows L
dime, It might be more effective
TO call In one OF your cfeditors
instead Of the doctor. Ss
The fashion editor says that
sheer hosiery IL gaining new fol.
lowers every days Ambiguous--
but true. ees. q III se.,g
The thing FOR an excitable girl
osdo is to marry "a composer.
Civilization In ths Sandwich
Islands hasn't yet seacRed sthe
point where there's a uigs denhnd
for napkin rings. oas y. =
The Washington times., 1922-11-27

MosT men could be good hus-
band TO their wives II they'd
only try. A lot OF them do try.
but they don't do their rehearsing
st home. z & Z '
The Washington times., 1922-11-27

Shall II sbe a new shoe for the
old bus, or new ones for the fam.
fly?
The Washington times., 1922-11-27
That,a ne.

4 Z When was tod ard over.
'fawn Z. my account - wen. II
.,her took me Off my 'feet. /"
".AsM Lss tvour bsis1csf~ z
The Press., 1922-11-16
Find Fest in Seed Gamble,

Baseball fans are not the only fans in this town. The suburbs are full Of dahlia fans, and when they get tOgeth' CT the talk is of bulbs, quill, cactus
 peony flowers big spiders and spider webs, swapping aphis, thrip, borersr variegated, nitrate of soda, midsum
 mer feftilizat tfon, ffy bfiids, decorative pompOn, collaretta and other terms that only the ~dahlia fan understands.
 The true fan delights to raise seeds and plant them. No blooms are pro- duced the first year, but bulbs are grown and these will produce blos' sons the next year. These flowers may or may not be like the flowers from where the seeds came. The chances are a hundred to one that they will be different, and this taking chances is one of the enjOyments the dahlia bug has. It is a mild form of gambling.-New York Sun. =.
The Press., 1922-11-16
POE WAS AGAINST BOTTLE
Cousin Tells Author That Many Liter ary Men Have Sought to Drown
 Their Sorrows.

An excerpt from a letter sent to Edgar Allan Poe by his cousin, VII. liam Poe, is of interest to everyone who has read "The Gold Bug" It was dated June 15, 1S43:
 "I observed In the Baltimore Sun newspaper in an editorial that you have again lately been successful in having awarded to you prize of $1OO ny the Dollar Newspaper for a tale called ''The Gold Bug" which gave me much pleasure, and hope it came n time to relieve you of some of your pCcuniary wants. There is one thing I am anxious to caution you against. and which has been a great enemy to our family-I hope, how over, in your case unnecessary-'a too free use of the bottle Too manys and especially literary characters, have sought to drown their sorrows and disappOintments by this means, but in vain. and only when 1t was too late, discovered it to be a deeper source of misery"
 Poe got $10 for "The Raven"
The Press., 1922-11-16
War on Insects.

The indications are that a great bat tie is to be waged soon betw cen man. kind and the insect army. There is nothing which has a greater potential ity for destruction than insects. There are 5,O00,000 different kinds of insects and nearly all of them are bent in the line of destroying food and other mate riaIs of value to man. They cause ten times more damage than fire, and ac- cording to the Departmnet of Agricul- ture, the annual tax imposed by insects is greater than prewar expenditures of the United States. The Hessian fly destroys from 10 to 90 per cent of the grain sOwings amounting to $75,O00,- 900. The Mexican chinch bug eats up $3,OOO,OO0 worth of corn in this coun- try and some worms are responsible for damage to corn amounting to three times that sum. The annual cotton loss is $S5,000,OO0 and the damage to live stock Is considerable. The pecu- liar feature of this is that although man has for years been studying the insects with the thought of preventing their ravages, their inroads are con- stantly increasing.
The Press., 1922-11-16
GOOD SIDE LINE
Lucky Junk Dealer TumbIed Into
 Small Fortune.
Negligence of Authorities of Great Copper Mine Gave Him His op-
 portunity, and He Took It

The letters you have been printing about gold seekers In the Far West re- call the following Incident of copper mining in Montana, writes a core spondent of the New York Herald. Day after day about 20 years ago e rickety old open wagon, drawn by a has-been horse, used to venture out from AnacOnda and garner rags, bot ties, sacks and old iron. One day, on its return to town, a hind wheel / wabbled off as the vehicle was cross ing a culvert, and wheel and load slid down into greenish-loOking little rtv- ulet that passed under the culvert. The junk dealer recovered the wheel and drove on sadly into Ana cOnda. But, being thrifty, he went back one day to salvage the old iron, perhaps whole dollars worth. This he fished out of the little stream.
 He found that every horseshoe, every stove lid. every old broken tool that he clawed out of the shallow water was thickly coated with copper.
 He kept his mouth shut and in town he melted off that pure copper, for the greenish stream was an outflow of waste water from the great Ana cOnda shelter, where copper was melted out of the rocky ore of that re- zion.
 Regularly, long after nightfall, the junk dealer used to go out on that road with a load of old iron and dump it into the greenish stream on this or that side of the culvert and fish out 8 load earlier deposited.
 The copper company detectives be- gan reporting mysterious high-grade shipments of pure copper from Ana conda, but no direct thefts could be discovered. Not an employee could be caught red-handed Finally the junk dealers nocturnal trips came under suspicion and he was watched and his secret discovered, but not be- fore he had realized a total of about $34,O00 in melting off pure copper from the deposits on his loads of junk iron. The company sought to enjOin him, sought to recover the values he had secured. but the court held that it was waste water in a public high way, and the lucky junk dealer was we'll within his rights.
 And the lesson was worth more than the lost value to the copper company, for it resulted in catchment dam be- ing built inside the companys fence, where scrap iron was used to recover copper values that long before had been running to waste. Accidents sometimes happen!
The Press., 1922-11-16
HER SMOKE SPECS
Aunt Mandy Had Secret of Happy Marriage.
HomeIy Philosophy, Perhaps, but There Would Seem to Be Much
 Common Sense in 1t.

After four years absence from home I missed, on my return, the fa- miliar face of Aunt Mandy Martin, one of the old family servants. On inquiry I found that she had been an almost helpless cripple for two years. So I went to see her at once, writes Mary Yerger Raymond in the Portland OregOnian.
 Aunt Mandy's wrinkled face ex- pressed delight and wonder when came in and, after she had inspected me critically for while, she said: Ut shorely am 'sprisin' to see you lookin' so proud, Miss Mildred. You must be all took up with thet man of yourn; I specs you sets big store by him."
 I smiled. "Yes, Aunt Mandy; I'm very happy"
 She nodded her head sagely. ''Thet's mighty nice, Miss Mildred, for there's them thet is and them thet ain't. Some folks, when they marries, puts on smoke glasses and some folks puts on clar. Them thet's happy wears smoke glasses"
 She puffed a few minutes on her corncob pipe, blew the smoke up the chimney, and resumed meditatively. 'rNow, when I marries Jim, l puts on clar glasses. Seems most like that nigger never could do nuthin to please me. I could see right through him. I was standin' in my own light, honey; don't fergit thet.
 "When Jim he'd say, Mandy, Pm goin' to town on a little 'sprise biz ness.' Then me, stidd of 1ggerin' aroun' bout my burfday bein' so near, stead of believin' him, knowed all the 'sprise I'd git would be Jim crawlin' in drunk; with all the biz ness and burfday money gone till next time.
 "Pd been a heap better off if I'd believed in his good intentions and let him come along, and den forgive him ebry time. But I'd stan right up straight an say: 'No, you don't 'sprise me none, Jim Martin,' and when I leveled a flatiron at his haid, he wilt ed, Miss Mildred, and stayed at home. DuI1 It, uOW I1GC AAS5OA OAU NO0PA00 me.
 "Now, your ma was one O the trustin' kind, and now and den when Marse John come home fun Norfolk sayin' as how he was most daid, and he had to take a dram fer his heart, Miss NIillie'd most go wild; she'd pes ter round him like hen with jus one chicken. She couldn't see nuthin' count of havin' them smoke glasses on. But me, Miss Mildred, he didn't fool me none. I could see right thu smoke"
 Now, chile, you'd better be glad you are lak yo ma ther's some things better not seen in matrimOny, and you is mighty lucky eff yo' glasses am smoke !"
The Press., 1922-11-16
In Search of Amberqris.

An expedition has left Seattle for Boring sea to search for ambergris, which is now more precious than gold There is a decided shortage of this material, which is used in perfumery, and as yet no substitute has been evolved
 Ambergris is a morbid growth in the whales intestines and when eject ed into the sea floats like the chilled grease on broth, until found. It con- tains a property necessary to hold various chemicals in solution.
 Near the mouth of the Yukon riv- CT there is said to exist a virgin field for ambergris. Actions of various cur rents tend to congrcgate all floats into one gigantic whirlpool, and in the hopes of finding ambergris there, sev- eral hardy fellows are now en route north on the steamer Victoria.
The Press., 1922-11-16

ress, and she had stumbled and fallen weeping over the dreaded passage in the old favOrite.
 To her own surprise, Elizabeth com fOrted the child-fOr a while she for got her own loneliness and pain, while she brought a smile to wet blue eyes Q and sullen lips. Let us try again" 1" she suggested gently, and. to their mu- tual surprise, they had tried again and conquered. It was a glad little face that was lifted to Elizabeth's sad one when the hour was ended.
 "You have made me glad again, 9 smiled Annie Smith.
 Elizabeth thought of those words as she waited for the car that was to take her home. Would anything ever make her glad again? She. knew that, behind her own little air of bravado, she carried an aching heart that never could be glad again with out Billy Drake. She brushed away hot tears and entered the car with a dash of autumn red in her cheeks. Some one moved along to make room for her, a strong hand steadied her as the car lurched forward.
 Thank you," she turned and smiled mechanically at-Billy Drake, resuming his seat beside her! The wrap settled innocently about her slender form. Billy was replacing his hat, and, with a dear familiar ges- ture, was quite uncOnsciously smooth ing the back of his sleek head. She saw 1t all-she knew it-she felt him so near, and all the while she sat straight and small, looking straight ahead out of brown pansy eyes. Any one sitting beside her might have thought her lovely face naughty and relentlessl
 The flat-wheeled car clattered mer- rily on It's way and Elizabeth noted with a heartsick pang that they were near Queen street, her stopping place. Billy was probably going home-he lived mile beyond Queen street, and when would she meet him again, even by accident2
 Queen" beloved the conductor, as the car rocked to a standstin.
 Elizabeth rose, swept the folds of her blue wrap about her and started for the door. She felt a sfekening- tug at the long fringe of her right sleeve. She would not look around. A wave of pink colored her face as she felt a slight weight on her sleeve what was the wretched fringe doing now2 Had 1t caught in some ones umbrella, or pocketbOOk? Billy Drake had sat on her right-she would not look around, for there was a tittering laugh behind her. Some one else was getting off directly behind her. "Step lively, there!" sang out the mOtorman jovlally, as the car rocked away on its fiat-wheeled career. ! Elizabeth whirled around and con- ifronted Billy Drake's amused and, at the same time, apologetic smile.
 "I am sorry. Eliz-Miss Russell-I couldn't help 1t, you can see that"
 Help whatP' she asked frostily.
 At the same instant she looked down and saw-saw the fringe of her right sleeve wound impishly around one of the buttons of his overcoat. In this way had she innocently ensnared him in the car, had led him down the alsle and here he was
 ! What an intOlerable position.
 "I didn't expect to get off here" he apologized; T was going on to King street."
 "I am very sorry" she said stiffiy, and then In q sudden burst of vexa-
The Press., 1922-11-16

ton she added: "Why didn't you cut it off? Break 1t off. Now it's a wretched stringr" She pulled vigor- aously at the silken tangle of knotted threads.
 He stood helplessly watching her stormy little face. His stern face softened How unhappy they both were! How like children; breaking precious hours of their Nves with silly misunderstanding. Were they always to be enemies7 -z
 He had even forgotten what 1t was all about.
 Elizabeth gave one last tug and the threads snapped. The sudden release caused her to waver uncertainty. Billys hand supported her-lingered on her arm-stayed there boldly, as of old.
 "I don't want to be set free" he said uncertainty, and Elizabeth, look ing up, saw that his pleasant face was white, very white.
 'T-don't-quite understand" stam- mered the girl.
 Il will explain as we go along" he said, still holding tight to her arm. Tt Is growing cOlder-hear the wind !"
 So they walked along Queen street as they had walked before the blue cape had entered their lives. Billy Drake explained and Elizabeth lis tened and murmured soft little an- swers, and they fingered in the tiny living room, where a fire whispered on the hearth. When Billy went home he went whistling down the street in the old happy way, and Elizabeth was dropping a kiss on the precious ring on her third finger. As the blue wrap was hung away in the wardrobe Elizabeth gave 1t little hug.
 You blessed old peaeemaker v' she whispered
The Press., 1922-11-16
The Unusual.

Terrific mob on the street the other day. First cop tried to hold 'em in. He rapped for help and the sergeant brought out a platoon.
 Some mob! Two women tainted, boy broke leg, man lost his hat, clothes torn. No such excitement seen in 10 or 20 years. Terrific.
 Finally the police got the cause of it separated from the tangle and took her to the station, where she was fined $1O and costs for disturbing the peace.
 And the next time you go on the street." said the judge, "see that your face is pointed, eyebrows penciled, skirts are short, hair false and every thing, un'stand? It's all right for you to be old-fashioned, but the public safety demands that you look like the rest of 'em or stay home !"-RicmnOnd Times-Dispatch.
The Press., 1922-11-16
Priority of saiIinn Vessel

An ancient law of the sea held the big White Star liner HOmeric at her pier for nearly an hour, the other day, after the starting signal had sounded, and the old salts of the hdrbOr front were greatly interested and excited. A little Nova Scotia schooner, with enough lumber aboard to make several boxes of matches, had elected to save towing fees and come into the harbor under sail, writes the New York cor respondent of the Cincinnati Times Star. The wind veered to an unfa- vorable quarter just as the schooner Was off the White Star pier, and it was necessary for the little vessel to tack for 20 minutes before she could give the big vessel a clear course. Meanwhile. the Homeric, with thou sands of passengers aboard and cargo worth millions, was stuck at her moor ings. The old and enduring law of the sea is that sailing vessel nov ing without a tug, has the right of way at all times over any steamship.
The Press., 1922-11-16
On a Bird or Game Preserve.

In connection with the administra- tion of bird and game preserves under the biological survey, the following acts on reservations have been for bidden by the secretary of agricul- ture, under date of May 4 Entering any game inclosue without permis- sion; carrying firearms without per mission; permitting dogs to run at large; setting fires, cutting, damaging of removing timber or trees allowing domestic animals to enter without per mission;> ; and injuring or destroying signs, fences or other property of the United States.
The Press., 1922-11-16
KEPT UNDER COVER
Why Presumably Solid Citizen
 Didn't Make a Will.
Really Seemed That Lawyer Wanted to Know Too Much About Mat
 ters Entirely Personal.

"And now" said the lawyer, i've shall take up this matter of your will"
 had long thought of making will. There was kind of dignity about the whole affair that gave me a pleasant sense of importance. Besides, the thought that had something to leave, or at least was conveying such an impression, was quite soothing at the time:
 But now that l was face to face with the thing, somehow it seemed quite different. I shuddered mildly, Thomas l.. Mason wrote in the New York Sun.
 ]. Perhaps we'd better wait until a little later," observed. "The fact is, Pm not feeling very we'll just now and"
 Tn that case," he said rather brusquely, I thought, "there is no time to lose. Let's get at this now. Have you made your rough draft?"
 Do people usually do that?" asked lamely. .
 "Oh, yes; it's quite customary. Just jot down, rather fully, your ideas that is, to whom the disposition of your property should go; it is just as well, also, to make a separate list of your securities, stocks and bonds and real estate of whatever nature"
 was beginning by this time to be thoroughly alarmed. The man might discover at any moment how much l was really worth. Of course, that was his real object. He wanted to probe my secret-strange had never thought of that.
 "I suppose the proper thing to do is to divide it into equal parts," l said. "and then each"
 "Um. You have two children-a boy and a girl"
 "Yes, sir. And one wife,"
 "Well, now, take your children. You might want to leave it to them in trust-say fifty thousand or so when they come of age, and"
 "In bonds?" I suggested feebly.
 "In interest-bearing. bonds, or pos sibly first mortgage. I presume, sir" he went on collectively, "that the bulk of your fortune is already invested in first-class securities p
 "WeIl, rather!" I chortled jOyfully.
 "And whom would you name as ex- ecutOr"
 Must have an eXecutOr" t "Oh, certainly"
 rose to my full height. crushed him with one eye.
 "Then, sir,'' replied with all the dignity I could summon, "my course is clear. Considering tie present condi- tion of the world, l am going to leave all my money to the government. 1 shall see the secretary of the treas ury about 1t at once.'
 "And leave your family destitute?"
 Absolutely destitute. It's the only way. Would I ruin them with wealth Never! America is the hope of the world. My little pile" q gestured in the general direction of Wall street), Sit is true, is small compared with ROckefeller's-still, just this little ad- dition may save the world. Good morning, sir. I'm glad you brought. this matter to my attention. Drop ins any time. Good morning"
 I bowed him out and then, getting out my trusty savings bank book, sat to figuring how I could, with fair man. agement, pay the next installment on my income tax.
The Press., 1922-11-16
The Capture of Billy Drake
By ROSE MEREDITH

e. IS22. by Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.
 Elizabeth viewed the blue wrap with some dlsfayor. It had been bought weeks ago, when her engage ment to Billy Drake had been the newest and the most wonderful thing in the world, and the long silken fringe which bordered the wide sleeves had persuaded her to decide upon the garment. Billy had admired its graceful lines-he had played with the fringe as he talked of their glori- ous future tOgether-they had laughed like children over the various things that the fringes ensnared, autumn leaves, wisps of flying paper, once a dOwny feather from some passing bird. And then, afterward. when a foolish misunderstanding had clOuded everything, Elizabeth had pulled off her ring-his ring-and dropped 1t into his reluctant hand.
 The ring fell and, dropping, the delicate setting caught on the wretch ed fringe! He had laughed grimly as he set about it's dislodgement.
 AAAC AAC OAO hAAA sObbed. as she brought it from the wardrobe and tossed 1t about her shoulders. The day was cold and her suit was rather light in weight for the advancing season.
 Outside, the wind was moaning among the bare branches, and as she walked briskly toward the trolley car the heart of the little music teacher felt bleak and bare as the empty nests in the swaying trees.
 As the car moved on, Elizabeth thought of the uninteresting lesson she was going to teach-Annie Smith, child who had insisted upon learn ing to play Hearts and Flowers and there had been many. many les sons, but Annie still stumbled over the same passages until Elizabeth was ready to cry with vexation.
 Today Annie was more exasperating than usual; she had hinted that her mother was not pleased with her prog
The Press., 1922-11-16
Scotland Yard Museum.

The museum of Scotland yard has been reopened, but not to the public ]; only police officers and others prOfes- sionally interested may view the grue- some relics. Plaster casts of murder ers' heads line the encircling shelves, and the souvenirs of sensational mur- ders include poisons, arsenical paper used in the Maybrick affair, locks of hair from the head of Doctor Crippen's wife, and the pestle with which wOm- an was killed in a railway carriage. Revolvers and knives abound and there is a put and take" top with which the spinner did all the taking and none of the. putting.-Scientific American.
The Press., 1922-11-16
PrnhahIM the Host-

"As we emerged from the burning hotel in our night clUtlies one fat gen tleman in pajamas had green shade over his eyes"
 Strange"
 'Not so strange. You'll often en- counter that combination at private 5 poker parties when the weather is warm. m."-BiTmingham Age-lleraId.
 "ForeVer"
 There is no truth in the report that the prima donna is seeking a divOrce?"
 "No," said her lawyer. "I called on her to inquire about the matter and she told me her latest love is the kind that lasts forever"
 "I sec"
 "SO I expect her to look me up in about six weeks. ks."-Birmingham Age Herald.
The Press., 1922-11-16
Would Be Worth Importino

All of our domestic animals are inn portatiOns. Kansas farmers are just beginning to breed Karakul sheep. But the Old World still has live stock al- most unknown here. Moreover, in the United States are large uncultivated areas where wild and semi-wild crea- lures of economic value from other continents, like the yakS and the al- paca, might be introduced with every prospect of adaptation to physical con- 1itiOnS.