davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24
Outline of History
BY BUGS" BAER
ospgFishA. iSss. - stas csaDsnl

HISTORY in a nutshell.
A LII you ever find in a nutshell
is a nut. Sometimes worms
EARLY linoleum MN loved
soup, but had no vest to
protect his necktie. He fought
lions, leopards and wolves.
WE know nothing Of ancient
" women except those we
see in burlesque shows.
WHEN this world was too
young and innocent to be
taxed. early mezZanine man had
neither fire nor water. When
he got them both. he put them
together. making firewater.
Congress took them apart.
Now history doesn't know
whether its ears deceive it or
whether it has adenoids.
CUTTA PERCHA man got his
food by taking deadly hand
fuls Of hot nickels and hurting
them into face of prehistoric
automat. Later, when he lost
his. inherited superstition. he
fought cafeterias single handed.
SIX billion clusters of years
~ ago, this world was one
flaming chunk of coal! Try and
find some now. Extinct citizens
wore doormats for pants and
lions mistook Welcome" for an
invitation to help 'emselves to
another bite. Commuters lived
by shooting tailors with arrows,
just like Doug Fairbanks.
WHEN caveman fell in love
!" with some rathskellar
woman. he marcelled her hair
with his battle knobkerrie and
dragged her past judges stand by
her long hair. And you never
read of those old girls getting
their wool bobbed. Sweethearts
fractured skulls instead of prom
ises. and sweet brides were buried
with full honors of war.
STRANGERS were regarded
with suspicion. like friends
are now.
OUR forefathers were very
tough. They lighted their
cigars on volcanoes. Only cow
ards rode crocodiles side-saddle.
EARLIEST clues to any form
of concerted government
are dog tags worn by sabre
toothed jaguars. 1t was capital
crime to spear your neighbor's g
pet monster. They never had
astigmatism because they were
too ignorant. In fact, modern
man never contracts any illness
until he learns how to spell it.
PREMATURE man walked on
his hands and feet. There
were four shoes in every set.
He was in correct position for
slapstick comedy. When drama
got more refined, he stood erect
on his broken arches SO he could
rofoh r,,oto ~ v>in, ,,xtxA IL -
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

A MONG the trouble makers
- of the world may be reck-
oned the Jealous mother.
Nobody likes to say a word
against mothers. and yet the
mother has IT in her power to
do as handsome a little job of
running as anyone.
This IL not done because she
il evil or intends to do harm.
In fact, attention has often
been called to the truth that
quite as much woe is created
in the world by well-meaning
love and regulation as by
malice.
The difficulty with the
Jealous mother is. she cannot
realize the fact that her son
has grown up. and that when
q child has reached maturity
1t 10 a psychological necessity
that he should be separated
from the parent stem.
IT is a common trait of
L mothers to disapproye Of
their sons wives. The wise
and sympathetic 'mother-in-law
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

Houdini, who has made q
report that must command
the attention of everyone
who is interested in "oc-
cult" phenomena.
THE gist of his report is
that, after twenty-odd
years of investigation, he
finds no single item of evi-
dence for the existence
of supernatural manifesto
tions. As he sees it, all
mediums are tricksters.
He understands and can
duplicate all their altered
"spiritistic" demonstrations.
In an article in Popular
Radio Houdini tells MS that
the up-to-date ghost has
called the radio art to his
aid, and depends upon II
chiefly for his various
demonstrations Of contact
with the spirit world.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

IF you wear a beard, you
must be covering an unmanly
jaw. and II a mustache sprawls
over your lip, 1t must be that
you fear its telltale revelation Of
weakness.
Now that everybody's doing IL.
and many men have become
walking advertisements for some
brand of safety razor. don't you
dare to hide-wholly or in part
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

EVIDENTLY the question
surprised the youth. for he
stammered the reply: why?
Because everybody does it,
Have you any other reason?"
Tolstoy asked.
mo, / don't think So" the
young man admitted.
One needs not be very old to
recall the beginning of the mod
ern fad of smooth-shaven men.
But now the fad has become a
custom. sanctioned by sanitary
science and glorified by moral
lists and philosophers.
Indeed. excepting only the
silly-braye exception of the
Charlie Chaplin variety Of apollo
getic lip-covering, the man must
apologize who still insists upon
the privilege of hirsute facial
adornment.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

John Singer Sargent, artist, was
born in Florence. Italy, his father,
DR.. Fitzwilliam Sargent, being a
resident of the State of Massachu.
sets.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24
EDeryb0dy's Doing 1t
BY DR.. Charles Fleischer-

IT is not long since the latest
song proclaimed that every
body's doing it."
Song or no song, that is the
singsong fact about us human
beings anyhow and always.
Especially in our beloved Amer
lea. Everybody's doing it-be-
cause everybody's doing it.
The son of the late Count Tol-
stoy-himself a Count Tolstoy
Though counts no longer count
in Russiaeis living in America
and is friendly critic Of things
American.
He tells the story Of a rather
impudent young Yankee, who
asked him why he didn't shave
his whiskers. The count coun-
tered the query: why do you
shave yours?"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

THE fact that "everybody's
doing it" is reason enough
for your doing It, however OBJ
viously stupid. tinid. foolish.
ugly. or even wrong. 1t may be.
Out upon you! Be brave.
Make the Declaration Of Inde-
pendence a personal experience
and continuous performance.
1t may be that You can make
everybody" do what you are do
Ing. In any case. you have the
joy and self-respect OF being
YOURSELF.
Copyright. 1879. BY King Feature.
syndicate. Incl
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

Booze for foreign diplomats at
Washington will be brought in
aboard foreign battleships. Now
we understand why foreign govern.
ments postponed scrapping their
navies.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

IN. one OF his essays Ralph
Waldo Emerson charges 90
ciety with beng in a conspiracy
against the integrity Of its mem
bers.
That is. all OF us are trying
to make each Of us like the rest
Of us.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

RUT to return to our neglect
ed Count 1lya Tolstoy. He
has the habit OF travelling over
the country delivering lectures.
He says that he is struck by
the monotonous uniformity Of
our life. We are all stenciled.
He intimates that we kin the
individuality of our children by
turning them out Of schools an
Henry Ford turns out his cars,
all Of the same shape and color.
As for the grown-ups. he finds
the same people everywhere.
Nice. educated. good-natured.
clean-shaven, well-dressed, but
most Of them lacking in individ-
dality.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24
MOST charming.

A MOST charming, lovahie
- and highly cultured New
England mother died the other
day at the age Of seventy-five.
She had always successfully
opposed her sons marriage.
She wanted him for herself.
He was the one passion Of her
life.
When she was dead her son
at the age Of fifty proceeded
to marry the cook. who was
good enough in the kitchen.
but was not long In making an
Irish stew of matrimony. The
union proved to be unhappy.
the man soon died and the
cook married the iceman.
Mature at last had found fits
equilibrium.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-24

your faces nakedness. whether
to cover a defect or to perfect
your personal scheme OF exte-
rior decoration.
And to think that only q chort
time since your every sixteen
year-old male used to welcome
the advent OF the fuzzy down
upon his upper lip as proof posi-
tive and evidence visible Of his
accomplished manhood.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
Program For Recital At
 Colonial Hall

The following program will be pre- sented at the first pupils recital to be held Friday evening, May 26, in the Colonial ballroom, by the Guilty School of Dancing:
 Part I - Developing Exercises, Junior and Senior
 Part II Valse Artist tocratique' Senior and Advanced Senior Nursery Rhymes, SKind Little Bo- Peep, Doris Oswald; Little Miss Mut- fett, Silve Breiner, Helen Welss' Humpty-Dumpty, Colleen Murphy, Girl, Lois Kirscnner. Betty Roberts; Baa! Baal Black Sheep, Eleanor Reilly, Bobby Wood; Twinkle. Twin kIe, Little Star, Gladys, Claire Baum; Williamson; The Man in the Moon, Eugene Parker; Goosey, Goosey' Gander, Nathalie Randall; Little Boy Bue, Francis Brennan; Deedle, Decide Schwab; Handy, Spandy. Betty. Me Galrick; I Had Little Husband, Muriel Builter; Pat-a-Cake, Frances Krouss. Charlotte Braunstein: Cock Senior and Advanced Senior; Skakanf Skoky (Czech-Folk), Junior; Tatra Carpathian Mt. Folk). Junior; V1vac- ity (toe), Advanced Senior Toe; Llt- tie Tin Soldier. Kindergarten; Mo- ment Lyrique (toe), Adv. Junior Toe; White Rose Mazurka (PoIsh). Sen for and Adv Senior; Sorrentina
 ItaIian- -Folk), Junior and Adv. Jun for; SiciIiano (Sicilian), Junior and Adv. Junior; Minuet Fantasy (toe), Adv. Senior Toe; Forest Spirits (Gre- cian-Barefoot). Senior and Adv. Sen for; Fairy Garland (toe), Adv Junior Toe; L'Hiver CWinter) Ctoe0. Adv. Senior Toe; Sword Dance (Scotch), Adv Boys class; Spring Song (Gre- cian-Barefoo.), Senior and Adv. Sen iox; Wood Sprites (Nature), Junior and Adv. Junior; Sunlight Sketch CNature), Junior and Adv. Junior; Les Sylphides (toe ballet)4 Adv Sen for Toe; If I Had Money (song and dance), Junior and Adv. Junior) (solofst, Annette Mitchum); Etude recian-Barefoot), Senior and Adv. Senior; Fire Bird (toe solo). Mar garet O'Brfen; Powder Puff Ctoe), Adv-Junior Toe; Daughters of the Nile (Egyptian-Group), Senior and Adv. Senior; Plyasovia (Russian- Handkerchief, Junior and Adv Junior; Night CGrecian Barefoot). Adv Senior; Rosebuds (toe), Adv Junior Toe; Saturnalia (Grecian- Barefoot), Adv. Senior; I Can Dance (song and dance), Junior and Adv Junior (soIoist. Annette Mitchum); Zanetta (Hungarian), Adv. Senior; Tyrolian Trio CTyrolian), Senior and Adv. Senior.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
POOtatuCk: YachtSn0en Open Season

The Pootatuck Yacht Club. on the Housatonic River, has opened its sea- son. Commodore William E. Hues- ted of the Hawley Hardware com pany, has his boat Mohawk in com mission and entertained a party of | friends upon her last Sunday. Vice Commodore Harry E. Harris has his boat, the "Fel1owcraft." in commis- sion and has made two short trips. Andrew L. Riker's yacht "Ocoloqua" | is now on the ways being painted at Bedelps shipyard and will be in com mission within a few days.
 J. H. Havens' glass-cabin cruiser, the "Sallie," had already made sev- era1 interesting cruises since the m stallation of her new J. V. V. engine and is one of the fastest and prettiest yachts around Bridgeport. Walter HubbelPs craft is being painted bajttleship gray and will soon be dn commission. The canoe squadron or active and have made a number or trips up the Housatonic to Cold Spring and Far Mill River.
 The Housatonic River is a para disc for canoeist and the canoe squad committee are preparing for picnics and regattas during the summer: The bath houses, bath floats and spring boards have been put in com mission and few of the hardy bath CTS have already been enjoying dip in the celan waters of the HousatOnic.
 The Pootatuck Yacht Club has large and safe anchorage free from teredor worms and the clean water together with the splendid club house, ballroom, locker facilities and service combined with low member ship dues is bringing large number of new members to the club from Bridgeport and vicinity One of the latest members accepted is Dr. Geo. GarIick, who came up the Housa- tonic recently with a regular sea going Maine-built sloop yacht called the 'Naaman.'
 The club has spent quite a sum of money this year on improvements and the membership committee eN- pect to enroll at least 100 new mem bers before the end of the season. While the Pootatuck Club is in Strat- ford, several members of the board of governors and the commodore and vice commodore are Bridgeport men and it may be considered Bridge ports best home for pleasure crafts. Many of Bridgeport's prominent bus mess and professional men are active members.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
Post Invites
 All Foreign
 Service Men

Raymond W. Harris Post, Veterans of Foreign Wars, invites all former soldiers, sailors and marines who have seen foredgn service to join with it in the Memorial Day parade. May 30.
 There will be a distinct unit for sailors and all are requested to wear their dress blues, with white hat and Ieggins. Soldiers and marines will wear regulation olive drab uniform, with overseas or garrison cap and wrap puttees. The Veterans of For eign Wars fife, drum and bugbe corps will furnish music for the parade.
 New drums have been secured and the conps is practicing daily for the event. This corps has already won several prizes in contests and have played successfully in many previous parad es.
 Members of Raymond W. Harris Post and other foreign service men are requested to meet at the club house, 161 Washington avenue, at a. m., whence they will march to the starting point in a body.
 -EEAR A
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
Veness To Ask For Investigation
 Of City Garage

The next meeting cf the Common Council June in all probability will prove a lively one. A. E. Veness pres ident of the board is expected to re- quest that an investisation of the ad- min3stration of the municipal Garage from the time of its building until the present time be made. He will also ask that a committee composed of two republicans and one Democrat tic alderman be appointed to investigate the dealings of the Veness company With the city and in turn will invite alderman Howard F. Bryant Earl C. Martin and R. Arthur Brown, repub- ucan members of the Common Coun- cil, to make like suggestion that an investigation be made by a commit tee composed of two Democratic and one Republican alderman to investi- gate the dealings of the city with The Bridgeport Sand company and other concerns.
 -WENR ' POPPY
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
Miss HiarceIla Flynn.

Many relatives and friends attended the funeral of Miss Marcella Flynn, which took place from the funeral parlors of Gallagher & Gallagher, ' Fairfield avenue Tuesday morning at 'S:sO o'clock, and from St. Augustine's chur-sh at g o'clock, when a solemn high mass was celebrated by Rev. Joser-h Ganley.-- Rev. James B. Nihill as deacon. and Rev. George J. Dona- hue as sub-deacOn.
 As the body entered the church the choir sang, Thy Will Be Done" at the offa-tory, Ava Maria was sung by John Hanley, and after mass, Miss Mae F'laheTty sang Beautiful Land On High" and as the funeral was leaving the church, Nearer My God to Thee was played on the chimes by Prof F: K. Weber.
 Tn bearers were Simon H. McCu1- Iough, John Coxe, Joseph Coxe, Dam ieI Brolley and John Flynn.
 Interment was in the family plot in St NIichaers cemetery, where com initial services were conducted by Rev. J. B. Nihill-
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
A POPPY
ALMANAC

Times Ads. Bring Results
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
C.. OfC. And Finance Committee Discuss
 School Situation

The members of the school commit tee of the Chamber of Commerce met the Finance committee at the city hall last night to discuss the school sit uation iii Bridgeport. The committee had previously met the committee on school buildings of the board of education, and had obtained their at titude on the present situation in the school system as regards the needs Tor the housing of more pupils next fall
 The committee which met the al- dermen last night was composed of. the following men, Dr. William Horace Day. George c. Waldo. c. E. Bilton T. J. Pardy, F. B. Caldwell and Se- ward R. Price secretary of the Cham Der. The Finance committee of the board of Aldermen has the following members; A. E. VeneSS chairman Eugene c. Xiv Thomas P. Doherty, Wilbert Sanford and Alfred J. Knapp
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
A POPPH--
 s1.5oo VERDICT AWARDED

A verdict for $500 was returned by a Superior court jury yesterday afternoon in favor ofsA1exandria KoT- kus in her action against Frank Newell Jennings was on the bench.
 Damages of S5,0O0 had been sought 1t being alleged that the plaintiff had used her life savings as part payment on a house and that after the payment was made the defendant failed and refused to give the plaintiff deeds fer the use Of the money.
 ---WEAR R0T3RY---.-
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
-WEAR \ POPPY-
YACHT RACE DATE

New York. May 25- International GID races between American and British six metre yachts will begin of Oyster Bay, N. Y, Sept 9. ac- cording to announcement today bY the Seawanhaka-Corin Yacht Club. The trophy, known the British-American Cup, was won by the English on their own course last year when it was offered in competi- ton for the first time
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
GOLF MEMBERS FEES
 TO BE RETURNED

The money paid for membership cards to play golf at the municipal golf course at Beardsley Park will be returned to those who have already procured their cards. This action fol- lows the refusal of the Park Board to allow the proposed charge system and the issuing of cards at the rate of s3Oo for individual and $500 for family membership cards
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
-WEAR \ FOFFN"- OBITUARY Y
Miss Johanna Dalton.

The death of Miss Johanna Dalton occurred yesterday morning at the residence of her neice, Mrs. M. A. Kenny, 422 Seaview avenue. She is survived by two brothers, John of this city and William of Ireland. The funeral will be held from the resi- dence of her neice, Mrs. M. A. Kenny on Friday, May 26. at S:30 a. m-. and from Blessed Sacrament church at g a. m Interment in St. Mich cemetery
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25
HOW ''TIz" HELPS
 SOREvTIRED FEET
Goodbye, sore feet, burning feet. swollen feet. sweaty feet. smelling >Rt, tired feet.
 Sood-bye- corns. calIouses, bunions

and raw spots. No more shoe
 tightness, no more limping with pain or drawing u D your face in agony. "TIZ'' is m a g i c a ]. acts right off.
 "TIZ" draws out all the poisonous eXu- dationS which SeETTZv and for
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-25

puff up the feet Use 'NT1Z' and for get your foot misery. An! how com fortabIe your feet feel. Get a box of ''TIZ' now at any druggist or depart ment store. Don't suffer. Have good feet, glad feet. feet that never swell, never hurt, never get tired. A years foot comfort guaranteed for few cents.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01
GoTWALS WILL OPEN OFFICE
 TO DIRECT WORK ON COAST

Officials of tho Alaska Road Com mission who Bassed through Nenana on Sunday enroute to Fairbanks from the coast, report that it is the intention of Major John c. Gotwals. engineer officer of the roadbuilding organization, to open offices at An chorage for the purpose of personal ly directing the road building act ivities of the commission in that section of Alaska. Major Gotwals arrived at Anchorage on a recent boat from the south, accompanied by Captain c. S. Ward, who came to the Interior on Sunday enroute to the Lower Yukon country.
 The Eagle river road project is one of the pieces of work that will be taken in hand by the commission in the Anchorage district this sum mer. This road, when completed, will give homesteaders access to a DOT tion of the district now practically inaccessible and will also provide Anchorage auto enthusiasts with q pleasure highway.
 The Alaska Road Commission is endeavoring, wherever possible, to interest the forestry department in road building plans initiated by the commission. The forest service has a large appropriation available for the building of roads and cooperation in the matter of carrying out plans will enable the road commission to divert funds to districts outside the jurisdiction of the forestry depart ment.
 The officials arriving from Anchor age on Sunday, other than Captain Ward, were Superintendent Hawley W. Sterling and Ike P. Taylor, both of the Fairbanks offices of the con- mission.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01
WIRE CHIEF STEINMETZ
 JOINS RANKS OF BENEDICTs

William C. Steinmetz, head of the northern division of the T. & T. department of the Alaska Railroad, and Miss Elizabeth Caroline Dunlap, member of the Anchorage school during the last two years, were unit ed in marriage at a quiet wedding which was solemnized at Fairbanks on Sunday morning, May 28.
 The wedding took place at the Presbyterian manse, with Rev. s. Hall Young officiating. The bride was supported by Miss Lillian Smith and Harry Watson acted as best man.
 Mrs. Steinmetz came to Alaska from Hastings, Nevada, and during her residence of two years in An chorage attained a high place in educational circles and was popular among pupils and public alike.
 Mir. Steinmetz has been stationed in Nenana most of the time during the last several years, in charge of the electrical work of the Alaska Railroad in this division and his friends here and in the coast divi- sion are legion. ..:
 The newly-weds have gone into residence in the Waechter home on upper Second street, which was purchased by Mir. Steinmetz recently
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

Wear Munsingwear; Warner Bros Corsets; Corsellettes or Camisoles Add to 'the foregoing a one-piece dress, skirt or blouse manufactured by The Gertrude Dress Company. n silks, satins, Pirot wills or serg- es, and you have attained to the very last word in Good Form.
 Mrs. D'Orsay, Agent
 THE D'ORSAY TAILOR SHOP Phone 14-Third and A Streets
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

Clifford Smith, son of Mir. and Mrs. N. C. Smith. of Fairbanks. and graduate of the Fairbanks High School, has. been recommended for the Colorado school of mines award for this year His application was the only one made for the scholarship. :"..=..
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01
CONSTANCE GETS DIVORCE

LOS ANGELES, June Con stance Talmadge, movie star, has been granted a divorce from John Pialoglou, New York tobacco manu- facturer. The grounds were mental cruelty and the suit was not con- tested.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

All buildings within the reserve strip along the international boun- dary between the United States and Canada, extending through the town of Hyder, must be removed, accord ing to orders issued recently by Dis trict Attorney Shoup and transmit ted to the people of Hyder by Com missioner Frame.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

Old Baldy, winner of the All Alas ka Sweepstakes three times, and win ner of scores of other races at other times, died at Berkeley, Ca, recently, at the home of his owner. Mrs. c. E. Darling, former promi- nent dog racing fan of the Nome
 country.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

The question of advancing the clock one hour in order to save daylight in the evening was recently submitted to the employees at An yoX and the daylight saving program carried by 412 to 219. At the mine the vote was against the program, 95 to 24, but at the shelter, offices and library the majority was strong ly in favor,
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

The members of the party taken Outside on Sunday by Marshal Bert Stevens included Henry Butke, Bozo Fucetich and George Kordich, in- sane prisoners, and I. J. Stere, well known oldtimer who suffered a stroke of paralysis recently at Healy and who is being taken Outside by the federal government. =.~~"
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

Mrs. W. H. Gilcher went to Fair banks this afternoon for visit of several days.
The Nenana news., 1922-06-01

W. H. McPhee, well known old timer of Fairbanks who went Out side some time ago to consult with an eye specialist, has had cataract removed and is hopeful of recover ing his sight as the result of further treatment He is in San Francisco.