Arizona republican., 1922-06-23
The Once OOer
THE Ex-KAISER's MiLLIoN.poL
LAR MEMOIRS

The Personal Memoirs of William
H., ey-kaiser. have been sold to an
American syndicate for a price said
to be well over s1,o0o,o0o
That shows what a fancy price
good fiction commands these days.
There is every prospect Wilhelms
book will take its place among the
Ten PEST Sellers.
The former kaiser. when notified
by his publisher of the price paid for
his writings, is said to have done six
back flip -flops. called for his smelling
salts, declared that he had won the
war. and shouted The World il
mine!" despite the fact that that
particular newspaper isn't in on the
syndicate rights at all.
MY only regret" he declared a
moment later, according to the Oorne
correspondent of the Berlin Picayune
& Dispatch, lis that have but one
book TO give for my country
Whereupon he called for another
cask of ink and started to make up
Wilhelm now realizes that he
should have taken up writing instead
of fighting for q living in the first
place. A literary man can be guilty
crease his following.
Note the difference between Will
/ /. ID
started the world war, spent five
years trying to personally conduct 1t
and landed in near solitary con-
| finement; Ibanez wrote book about
| 1t and made a fortune.
The kaiser's good German sword"
| he so often boasted of between meals
| turned out to be a bust. If it had
been a good German silver fountain
pen he today might have a place in
history beside Robert w. Chambers,
Harold Bell Wright. E. NJ. Hull and
| Scott Fitzgerald instead of Atilla.
| All Baba and Atrocious the Eighth.
From a financial standpoint. the ex-
| kaiser still can be as successful as
| the above named authors if he turns
out few more books at the same
price.
Wilhelm looks better with a quill
than he did with a sword. anyhow.
And as a literary man he can save
a hundred thousand a year on cos
tunes alone.
AS an emperor and soldier he never
could think twice in the same UNI
form. All he needs as successfui
author is one collar. a soiled shirt,
an inherited pair of carpet slippers,
one pair of pants and pipe.
The pants are not an absolute
necessity.
The only serious question now is
whether the kaiser's first literary
effort will be good, fair or terrible
After the public reads it the demand
that he be TRIED and possibly
SHOT may become unanimous.
In America much will depend upon
whether Bill puts in enough sex IN,
terest and scandal. If wise, ne VIII
see that there is a touch OF Inc
Sheik" in his stuff. He has the morse
and the tents: Rosner could give MIN
the love interest.
Just now they are casting ABOUT
for a good title. viii favors some
thing short and snappy like MY
LIFE, BY Me-" but his advisers are
holding out for FROM BADEN
BADEN TO WORSE AND WORSE,
FROM KAISER TO WISER. or
THE FACE ON THE HOFBRAu
FLOOR"
1t will be printed on fine Grade
asbestos, set in Boldface Berlin type
and handsomely bound in Russian
alliance leather.
There will be special chapters on
THAT Paris Dinner" Violet Picking
with Rosner." Won Kluck's Left
Wing VS.. Carl Mays Right" and
The Hindenburg Lynn"
Also special song composed ana
dedicated by the ex-kaiser entitled,
America, | Love YOU"
Order the memoirs now ~hlie
they're hot. Only two TO person:
About s5, or four wagon-loads OF