davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Quincy Todd on Matrimony

"The premium on millionaires
will also make very high, prob
ably 80 per cent Of the full
amount Of the policy, provided
they are not acquainted with any
chorus girls. II they are the rate
will 60 up.
"Any person who has been d.
vorced eight or ten times before
applying for a policy in the COM
pany, Of course will expect to
pay more in premium than a per
son who has been divorced only
three or four times. That will
all be figured out in percentages.
Any person who has been di-
vorced five times will not be
classified as a preferred risk.
Among the preferred risks I
will place q preacher making $15
a week, as probably nobody will
be trying to break up his home.
Also a college professor will be a
preferred risk, no matter how
much he makes, because it is a
psychological fact that college
professors don't bat around much
and get acquainted with very
many dolls, and the great lovers
are not recruited from the ranks
Of the college professors. They
generally have their minds on
less interesting phases Of life,
such an algebra and geology and
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Why

HoES o clothes always tightly rolled newspaper
| J in his hand?
- look into subway vending machine
than do women?
himself rs bery"f
groceryman claim to know about
his customer does?
all clubs make their dues payable the
year?
stenographer think about puchriude
punctuation?
Do think that bored
aristocratic?
the captain of New York harbor ugboat always wear
derby hat?
Does the Goddess of Liberty persteny
Jerseyf
Do reforme believe people be made constitutional
amendment?
Arctic explorer always referred by newspapers a.
"intrepd"H ,... ~
Does reporter always pad of paper pencil
his handf ..s -. -
director think Of ending for picture
Do cheaper their appearance by wearing gayoorsd
hat bands?
young afraid of the rouge his young adys
Hpsf
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
FanousAm
Fallacies
WHAT . drunken sailor In
variably has an enormous

THAT . drunken sailor IN
variably has an enormous
= amount Of money to spend.
That a great many old men
are letting their hair grow till
Bryan's elected.
That all Armenian rug ped
dlers buy their Armenian rugs
after they get hero.
That every hesdwaiter II the
owner of several apartment
houses on the Drive.
That sophisticated city men
buy more fake oil stocks than the
farmers do.
That bars on all ocean liners
close when the three-mile limit II
reached.
That all ehattel mortgage
sharks are very pr ominent in
church work.
That all great men shave them
selves and with old-fashionsd
razors.
That all colored persons are
fond Of watermelon and high
sounding language.
That never In history has there
been q train on time In the State
Of Texas.
That nobody but = lawyer has
the mental equipment to become
Q Congressman.
That . man can prove superior
wisdom by asking . lot Of hard
questions.
That bicycles are much cheap
or now than when they were
very popular.
That . railroad conductors
watch IL never one second out Of
the way.
That there 10 no sure method
Of telling some mushrooms from
toadstools.
That many Of the manuscripts
submitted to magazine editors
are never read.
That II is impossible to walk
anywhere In Florida without wet
ting the feet
That every great athlete II
bound to live to be . very old
man.
That people WIN not buy gold
bricks any moro or anything re-
sembling them.
That society people bore one
another dreadfully at their Sum-
mer resort places.
That every author must write
ten or more plays before one y
produced.
That . man who II courteous
will never become . great cap
tain Of industry.
That al Chinese are great
opium smoksrs and that Il their
<avorita spoxk
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Cogitations of a Cuckoo

people hearing they
- tween thrift" and theft"
thing changed the
smell Of boiled cabbage.
The question Of knickers pants amt theyi
Now that long style girls quite
ready to jump at conclusions
people parade takes least
make parade
Too kissing trouble" a physician We
always thought the heart trouble came first
twgs they plant Arbor Day become trees7
Motto for the happer:
It only costs Europe you willing )
to die 2 and (3 ashes don't weigh than
one pound conditions doesn't make much difference
whether you booked first class steerage.
Some Pennsylvania divorce
after being
that just his mind that he doesn't like her
"A the of to-day worries about
is her clothes" little Of them have worry
The any win strike a happy
medium, mediums have dolefu
looking
Trained operator vaudeville had piece tough
him His wife had to have she shot
the seal.
married dentist When gets
her voice perhaps he extract It.
Do not believe everything in print especially
a modern liquor bottle
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Seven Natural Wonders of 1922.

VToNDER who's going to strike next?
w Wonder what muscle shoals are-or is?
w Wonder what was wrong with that gin?
Wonder why Congress was ever invented?
Wonder what was wrong with that home brew?
Wonder where all the money goes?
Wonder why, that bootlegger didn't show up?
The Washington times., 1922-08-27

aaAv.Iaht Is22 bv star Co.
The Washington times., 1922-08-27

Great Britain Rights Reserved.
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Three Sonnets
BY S. E. Kiser.
To Lady Suing for Divorce.

You have reached the end Of patience, you declare.
The sacred bond you say, shall be united
Your love, so all-embraeins once, has died,
Your, fondsst hope 10 wrecked beyond rspsri
He eoaxsd you, did he not. to let him share
The sorrows that you could not put asidsf
And then there that day when, as bride,
You trusted your whole future to his earsi
A WAkENED rudsly from your dream Of bliss,
You pass him. with cold, forbiddng frownI
All, well you may longer want1hs kiss,
Go on, proclaim his sins all over town,
But, oh, the satisfaction you're to miss
In waiting up at night to call him downi
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
Seven Artificial Wonders of 1922.

Wonder how long prohibition will last?
Wonder what Mr.. Sumner reads for relaxation?
Wonder how Harold Mccormick is feeling?
Wonder II Rockefeller has any more dimes?
Wonder whether we need hair cut7
Wonder how many chorus girls ride in Rolls Royces?
Wonder whyf
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
To a Young Man Who Doesn't Save.

You think of age something far away,
That 10, II you have ever learned to think
Few coins within your pockets elink,
You're not concerned about the rainy day;
Your sun 10 bright but you making hay7
Because the lsdy's, cheeks are smooth and pink ~
You squandsr your last dollar, with . wink.
And earslessly are letting come what may.
future years you will be looking back
And youth will simmer . priceless gift,
Your muscles will be stiff, your joints will crack,
And you'll regret the pace that was so swift
The money sPent-but who am ], alaek,
To pass along advice concerning thriftf
The Washington times., 1922-08-27
To One Who Awaits the Electric Chair.

VoU.hsvs the blossoms on the cherry tree,
You have left your footprints in the mornings dew;
You have heard your worried mother call to you,
Perhaps you've said prayer beside her knee,
From solemn doubts and fair ambition Free
You have been tempted darkly to pursue
The course 50 nearly ended, though you knew
How hard the final payment to be.
DERHAPS you've risked your neck for little gain,
You may have envied others their delight,
Soaked by unexpected sudden rain,
You, doubt, have cursed your ueklsss plight;
The Summers hat has caused you complain,
But Winter will worry you-sood NIGHT
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Today's Anniversaries

l7Sl-Tho allied American and
French armies under Washing
ton and Rochambeau crossed
the Hudson and marcAed upon
Philadelphia.
17g7-Thomas Powers, an agent ,oi
Spain, arrived at Detroit to
endcayor to interest Gen. WI
kinson in the Spanish intrigued
in the West
1Sl4-Battle OF Bladensburg, and
burning of the Capitol in Wash
ingtcn.
1851 James Mcdowell twenty-ifth
governor OF Virginia died at
Lexington, Va Born in Rock
bridge county, Va, Oct il,
179,.
1862 Confedorates under Gen. Bragg
crossed the Tennessee river
afove Chattanooga, to begin an
i,yasion Of kentucky.
1865 Two hundred and s!xty-fys
lives lost Wen the ship Eagle
Speed fCundcred near Cal
cutta.
1Sg7-Frst American patent grant
ed for the time lock system.
1919-United States cavalry ended
tho chase Of Mexican bandits
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
TOday's Events

Today Is the 35Oth anniversary Of
the Massacre Of ST. Bartholomew
Today begins the year 1874, accord
ing to the M0hammedan calendar.
ri. Rev, TheophIle Meerschaert,
head Of the Catholic diocese Of Okla.
homa, Ia rs years old today
Rt. Rev Edwin Warren saphore,
suffragan b shop OF the Episcopal di.
Geese of Arkansas, today celebrates
the fifth anniversary Of his episco-
pate
Today has been set as the date for
the conservation Of the Rev Michael
Joseph Keycs rs bishop Of the Ro.
man Catho ic diocese OF Savannah.
Republicans OF Alabama have
called convention for birmingham
today to formulate platform and
consider candidates for state and
judicial officers to be voted for in No
yembei.
The meeting Of tho International
Law Association, which is to open
today at Buenos Aires, will be attend
ed by eminent law author ties from
all parts Of America and from
Europe Australia, Now Zealand and
Japan,
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24

Rear Admiral John c. Watson, U.
$. n, retired, who today reaCIes the
age Of fouscore is distinguished
naval veteran OF two wars Admir-
al Watson is n native Of Kentucky
and belongs 10 one OF the most dis.
tinguished families Of the Blue
Grass State. He IS grandson Of
John ]. CIR ttenden, who wrote the
famous Crittcnden compromise bill,
and nephew Of Generals George b.
and Thomas +, Crittcnden, who were
among the heroes Of the civil war.
The future admiral was graduated
from Annapolis IN me to get aboard
Fauaguts flagship and fight all
through the war Of the sos During
the years following tho close of the
war he saw the customary routine OF
sea and slore duty The war with
Sprain in 1898 found him with the
rank Of Commodore and in command
of tho Eastern Squadron of the U. S,
Navy. In 1902 he was the u. s. ma
val representative at the coronation
Of King Edward VII
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
The New ealen Drum Corps.

Floyd Drum had the roof of his
barn painted one day last week
Mr.. and Mrs Albert Hum and fam
ly spent Friday at William Harvey's.
Miss Caroline Jones OF Hornell
spend Tuesday night at Floyd Drums
Mr. and Mrs. Floyd Drum and fam
lily and Mr.. and Mrs. william Harvey
spent Saturday night and Sunday at
Neulang's cottage.
Mr.. and Mrs Floyd Drum and
daughter attended the farmers pic
nc Saturday at Bath.-New Galen
items in Homer.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
IT'S a Hard-hearted Thief That Isn't
Moved by Those Plates.

Sometime between Sunday night
and Monday morning two ferns dis
appeared from the table and fern
stand in front of the Berkland bone
at 81 North Lockwood The larger
fern was over IS years old and its
loss is keenly felt. No one but a
real thief would do such an act, and
for the thief's benefit the plates will
be left standing all summer where
the ferns have stood for many past
summers Austin, ILL.,, Austinite.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24

"You don't seem to have much re-
srsct for those chaps painters refer
to as the old masters
None whatever" said Mr. Dustin
Sthx "They sighted their opportunl-
ties, Think of the money they could
have made merely by painting into
each picture a package or a bottle of
something that was being advertised"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Pride and Vanity.

I would much rather fight pride
than vanity, because pride has
Stand-up way of fighting You know
where It is. 1t throws It's black shad-
ow on you, and you are not at loss
where to strike But vanity is that
delusiye, that insectIvorous, that mul-
tiplied feeling; and men that fight
vanity are like men that fight widges
and butterflies. 1t is easter to chase
them than to hit them.-Henry Ward
Beecher.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Not for Such.

"No doubt about IT," exclaimed the
physician "by means of this wonder
full discovery old men can be made
%oung.'
"Why don't you try 1t on yourself?"
ats no good for n doctor A doctor
spends half his life trying to look old
enough to be regarded as highly eru9't9
and experienced"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Mortal Superiority.

az you will make three wishes
said the old-faShloned fairy, a will
zee that they all come true
you're little slow" responded the
rustic. ANY Teller that runs for Of
flee out tlds way will promise TO make
wishes come true EASTERN you can
think 'em up
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
RECENT GAS ATTACKS.
Reprints and Other Debris From tho
Npt and cIlpt Column OF tho
Brattleboro Reformer.
HOT STUFF EXPECTED

The Union Bible class will give
their fifth annual play Thursday even
ing, August 20 and a. II Is expected
to excel all their previous records,
Jeb Watkins says tley are up to
Snuff and not a bit green Union VII.
lage item In Hanover Gazette.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Today,s Birthdays

Rev Samuo. A. Eliot presiuent Of
the American Unitarian Association,
born at Cambridge, Mass, 60 years
age today
William o. Atkeson, rcprCSenta-
tive in Congress Of the Sixth Mis-
souri, district, born in Putnam coun.
ty. W. Va IS years ago today,
Harry b. Hooper. outtielder of the
Chicago American league baseball
team. born at Santa Cara, Calf, So
years ago today.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
And the others Managed to Stay !
Out.

Mr. and Mrs Roy Reckord gave
party at their home on West Main
street last Thursday evening in hon-
or Of Mr. and Mrs Robert Collins and
Mr.. and Mrs. Harley Smith. Refresh
mcnts were served and splendid
time enjoyed by quite number Of
the gucsts.-llygnsyille Review.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
His Drawback.

"This new writer has a certain rude
strength"
"'Then how could he expect to sue
coed in polite Iiterature"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
rhe varIetIes.

1.-THE girl love is the pink Of pei.
lection"
"Oh, these plnks of perfection in
families would be all right If it wasn't
for the poppies."
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24

Our friend for life
Is Abram Shuster;
His nlvyer killed
Our neighbours rooster.
Boston Transcript.
Would that another
Bird we know,
Might meet with
Abrams car and crow-k.+
rulip.
Poetic license.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Quite ENOUGH.

"The cook says she wants some more
crash in the kitchen"
II must say I don't, since I heard
her washing the dishes out there"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Naturally.

"There is no use in splitting hairs
In that argument"
"Why not"
Because It Is over bald facts"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Promotion Brings It's Responsible
ties.

Charles Hartwell is the owner of
fine Hudson limousine, which his
family greatly enjoy and which also
illuetrates what hard work and care
full management viii accomplish.
Charles says by CORY, | can handle
a Ford and truck all right, but when
It comes to running house on
wheels, It takes courage. '-Newbury
W., item
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
He Knew.

Don't you realize how much yodr
life means 10 me?'
Sure; If l die you get my lnsur-
ance."
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
act.

81 suppose this bread Of mine is
not to your liking"
ut makes me pity father when he
had to eat the kind mother used to
make"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24

"What a wonderful llngulst that
man isl Is there any tongue he
hasn't masteredP
Eyes; his wife's."
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Care Of the Hair

A New York woman says: 81 have
used Partisan sage two weeks. and
my hair has wonderfully increased in
beauty, seems much heavier, and is
entirely free OF dandrufi w. H..
Gokay, guarantees it.-Adyertise-
men;.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24
Queer Action.

as Maude color blIndY
mo; why do you ask?"
Because when she wanted to find
the Green family, she looked In the
Blue Book"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-08-24

"Poetlc license.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
To Relieve Costiveness,
Constipation ard Slug
gish Liver

II you have constipation and
wish the bowels to move regular
ly-daily-or have a torpid liver
or a sallow complexion, simply 20
TO your druggist and get fifty cents
worth OF National Liver Cleanser.
Take one or two teaspoonfuls of
this lovely laxative syrup at night
the next day you'll feel like a
new person.
This will bring quick relief
from the distressing cloggcd
bowels and sluggish liver as well
as regulate these organs to func-
ton daily as nature intended. All
the indigestion. gases, headaches,
tired-out-feeling and misery ends.
Food tastes better Immediately.
Anyone who has lost their energy
and vigor should give this pre-
scrlption an immediate trial.
NOTE:-Upon inquiry It is
found that National Liver Clean
ser is 'procurable at w. R. Crane
Drug Co. and all reliable drug
gists everywhere. with guarantee
of satisfaction assured or money
refunded.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
CUNO MAY GIVE UP
WORK ON MINISTRY

BERLIN, Nov. 2O-Nearly a
week has passed since the cahi.
net OF Chancellor With resigned
and the ministerial crisis is still
far from settled. When Herr
Cuno accepted the task Of con.
stituting a new cabient Of work,
as he described 1t. It was hoped be
would have all the portfolios. or
at least the most of them, filled
by today, but such difficulties
have developed that 1t is believed
likely he may even abandon the
effort altogether.
The chancellor designate finds
himself baked in his plans tc
secure a cabinet made up of The
Middle and Socialist parties, az
the Socialists are opposed as To
what they term Her. CIno's free
hand" policy.
They have voted through tho
United Socialists executive party
board to abstain from taking any
ministerial portfolios. They base
their attitude to some extent on
the party's opposition to the II
dutrial party, feeling that should
the SCIENTISTS accept cabinet posts
they would be forced to have
dealings with the Industrialists.
As an alternative to giving up
his efforts Herr Cuno mas form a
cabinet,
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
Telephone Numbers
of West Virginian.
Changed to 22OOEtc.

Telephone numbers OF Tho
West Virglnlau. which hays
been Nos. 1105, ll06, and
1907 for more than six years.
have been changed TO 1900,
220l, 22o2 and 1903, an adj.
tIonal trunk ltne having beaa
installed, requiring a change III
the numbers
Besides another trunk lins.
additional phones connected
with the switchboard In the of
flee OF The West VirginIan
have been installed, assuring
more direct service with thk
various members OF the news
department.
Persons telephoning to Tie
West Nirginian will first be
connected with the operator at
the private switchboard in TIE
cfflce, by whom they will be
connected with the different
departments.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
BACON TO Be BURIED
AT B0YH00D HOME

CHICAGO, Nov. 2O-The body
OF Frank Bacon, famous as a chag.
acter actor. rested today at tho
hotel here where ten years ago he
wrote part OF the play, "Lightin'
Bill Jones'" which through nearly
1000 appearances in the name part
made him known virtually through.
out the world. He died In his
wife's arms early yesterday from
heart disease.
Pending arrival OF son, Lloyd.
from California, Mr.. Bacon's body
will remain at the hotel until Wed
nesday, when memorial services
will be held at the Blackstone
Theater, where he appeared daily
for more than year, until he col.
lapsed after the final curtain q
week ago.
Kenesaw Mountain Lands, a
close friend OF Mr.. Bacon. will dc.
liver a short eulogy at the Wednes.
day services, which will be In
charge Of the Christian Science
Church, OF which he was a mem.
Der. after which the body will b.
placed in a Chicago vault, there IN
remain until next summer, when
It will be removed to Mountala
View. Calf, Mr.. Bacon's boyhooI
home.
Thus the body will find its las:
resting place in the soil Of his ma.
tive state. in which he had not an.
peared since his recent rise. His
burning ambition. It is said, was l..
appear as "Lightin'" In California.
which he planned to do in 1924 an
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
LADY AST0R AND LLOYD
GEORGE GET FIRST SEATS

LONDON. Now 2o.-tBy tho
Associated Press The rush Of
members to the House Of Com
mons 10 obtain their seats for the
opening session of Parliament
was the biggest since the war,
and long before s o'clock when
the doors opened tho members
rushed In. snatched cards from
the attendants and raced up the
steps for the desired positions.
Among those obtaining the
coveted corner seats from which
governments have been enfiladed
in the past were Lady Aston
and Lloyd George. The lat
ter's card was placed on scat by
u deputy, but Lady Astor per-
sonally seized the corner seat on
the government side. The place
next 10 her was taken by Colonc
.Gretton, champion of tho liquor
interests.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20

the Western importer by prls>s5
of the Buddhist faith. E:4e plant
has been pictured In Japanese art
and mentioned in Japanese lltera-
turo, but has never been seen by
Western eyes. Florists are fond or
predicting the advent OF the bluS
Chrysanthemum-a prophecy which
seems as far from being realized
as has been the hope Of u blue
Rose. All othe: shades Of color
have been obtained, however, from
the pure white to the gaudy yellow
flowers SO frequently seen In suc.,
glorious profusion at the annual
exhibitions.
Throughout the country the price
of chrysanthemums this year is Is
cents, although the flowers sold at
so cents each IN previous years
Fatrmont, however. is not faced By
a shortage OF chrysanthemums, as
many other cities are, and when
Thanksgiving arrives, It is expect.
cd that the young women OF this
city will be gaSTr. decorated tor the
occasion.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1922-11-20
Radio Program in
HauanaP ickedUp
byFairnlont Man

Ray Dixon Of Potomac ave
nue., district wire chief of tie
Chesapeake and Potomac Tele-
phone Co., has established a
record among radio enthusiasts
In Falrmont by receiving a
program broadcastetd from
Havana. Cuba. Dixon heard the
program both Monday ano
Wednesday night of last week
and will be at his radiophnpo
tonight to attempt to pick up
the Havana broadcasting sta
ton. The program, he says,
starts about IL O'Clock ut The
Havana station.
1t Is not uncommon for radio
fans to hear programs !rcln
Davenport, Iowa. Chicago,
Dallas, Tex. and Springfield,
Mass. but Mr.. Dixon Is the
first one to hear radio
program from Havana, Cuba.