The Rock Island Argus and daily union., 1922-05-18
Uhp UnnthHtnt1r
HERE LIES MANS ANCIENT ENEMY.
DULL CARE.
| WHO pisINrERs TIE UNa0yED cUsA
| EEWARBg

DULL CA&ks
HI WHO pisINTERs THE UNl1yED CCs&
WHEN Kenosha man threatened to COM
nit suicide his obliging mother-in-law gave him
three dollars with which to buy pistol. Then
the ungrateful wretch drowned himself.
Yes, sub; suhtinly. To Be Suah 1t Does
[From RIGS Pillar1
Sir: Overheard at the Marigold. Cou-
pie at the next table
He: Why are you 1fmping tonightE
She: Well I'm wearing patent leather
pumps, and patent leather
draws.
He incredulously: You are?
She: It does.
ROGERS PARK MARIE
MR. HAYNES has ruled that dandelions are
not fruit therefore it is illegal to make wine
therefrom for home use. Now, there's a golden
opportunity for some one to wrest tWo-th1rds
of Luther Burbank's laurels from him. How!
Merely by causing dandeuons 10 grow on grape
vines
TO REPEAT: GALL IS GRIST THAT COMES
TO OUR MILL"
Dear Mac: was recently in the wicked
city" as you called it. Peggy and her invita-
ton would have fitted in nicely, but as she
turned out to be gold brick OF dud or
something, had to write her off my list. CAM
you visualize Mac, burly. muscle bound chap,
teammate of Peg-I fancy he might be an ex-
sailor-1eaning the menu board at the Rich
ers to appear? But anyway, Mac, with that
black winged and funereal-looking bow tie you
wear you'd never get to first base with a genu-
inc fapper.
Lissen-one night that started out innocent
ly enough on billiards terminated in sweaty
Broadway dance hall called The Arcadia"
and more Familiarity known to the habitue as
The Ark, huge three acres OF ponshed
maple spanned with steel arches and million
incandeScents nestled in bad frescos aloft. A
cc.xa panion who maintained that he was not
frequent visitor there, but who, despite that
fact, was astonishingly familiar with the ropes,
advised me to ditch the spectacles as they I'M
parted an unnecessary intellectual appearance;
and, equipped with a candy-coated pellet of
chewing gum, we joined the fray.
Scamozzi then entered the spirit of the
dance and led to the gridiron an ennuied
tobbed Cleopatra. 1t later developed that her
head was empty like the eviscerated husk of
last years locust, yet she was as lghtsome
afoot as curl OF clgaret smoke. AS we stood
Oh the sidelines for a moment after the first
scrimmage, biggish chap with head like
four dollar beef roast advanced, and appar-
emily knowing Cleo quite intimately, flung his
arm about her waist, disengaged and backed
off surveying a crook in his arm-"Say, you're
about size SO. aren't you?" This foored me
for a moment but Cleo-bless her-remained
In fact, she seemed to like it;
so the fathead continued with a remark about
ler ndlG 1OlIOWeQ DV a complimentary, ell,
you sure are the cats whiskers." Then Cleo,
remembering me, asked each what
our names might be and solemnly introduced
US. He had been in the navy, Mac, and with
out any warning whatever proceeded to reopen
the Battle of Jutland or something, and to
tell how he had gained weight during trans
atlantic days. but was losing now. Had to
shunt him off with a remark that there was
one place he couldn't afford to lose weight
and when he foolishly asked where that might
be l said, In the head" That this was a
highly appropriate rejoinder was evident. be-
cause Cleo regarded me with new respect and
so we danced again. Later in the evening we
ate a mess of chow mein and I heard her life
history She a saleslady at Marshallfelds
and when l said I'd been in his store once and
hadn't seen her she looked at me rather pity
ngly and then I explained that this was my
initial trip to the Wicked City. Then--
Well, that's all. but you should have been
along, Mac. SCAMOzzI.
P. s.: This book is not intended as a con-
to the column, so don't get excited
SCAM.
MARK HEII4MANN communicates his in
crest in Reds reply, which he thinks lis an
admirable statement of a not unsound literary
2redo. However, he adds. Red made the mis-
axe that most of my friends do-that of TAX
ng me seriously" Reds third essay, it. seems
% Mark, marked distinct advance in incisive !
style.
GREAT Fire in Cork, screams a Hearst
lminer headline.
There's chance for De Valera to change
lis act to blackface.
Net Knocking the Oldest Sister.
(Received by the circulation dept)
The Argus, Rock Island, Ill
Dear Friend:
| am writing you about the blank
stups in my reciet book. The reciets fell
out from carrying it from place to place
put the reciets in an envelope and put
them on my dresser. My oldest sister
took everything off and put the papers
in the stove. Will you kindly send me an
other reciet book. l sure this will
not happen again because my oldest sis
ter is gone away from home and nv
mother and other brothers ana sisters
are careful what they are doing with
such things. 1 will close hopeing to
receive another reciet book within the
next few days.
Your Carrier Agent /
P. S.: 1 am enclosing the stup of the
old reciet hook