davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-05-14

lecturer gets mp the idear Of coming
over here and beating Us on the
nut and making US like It at three
bucks q seat. Then they 60 home
and write . book entitled my I'm.
pressions Of America" sell It to Us
at So . book and then live happily
ever after. They all come to US
with . message. The message Ii
that We are . lot Of boobs."
But how do they get all these
here impressions so quick? I lived
here all my life and I amt got q
correct impression Of America yet.
Every time I think got . correct
impression Of America, she kicks
up her heels and knocks my i'm
pressions for . row Of airplans
hangers. How do these furriners
get an eye and earfull 30 rapid7"
asks Elias @. Higginbotham.
That's q cinch," says Quincy.
I'VE will call this guy Sir Reginald
Chutney. although he might Just as
well be q woman. for about half Of
them that come over here are Of
the unfair sect, at that. He comes
over here with q message or Q mas
sage or something for US. He does
not know Just what this message
is going to be. but he does know
he is going to get SO q seat for It,
which IL the main point
when he gets az far as ouaran-
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
City Life Snapshots
The Taxicab

the street of jazz and CAB stands battered t.xea
The splsndor of its bysons days departed.
II had been brought into life wealthy bankers wifs
was handsoms town-esr when il started
When used hit the breeze with single
II could boast q classy footmsn and . chauffeur,
But victim Of the times stands and dimes,
And 10 nothing but . shabby Ioafer.
II has led roundsrs life left the bankers ~ifst
Il has gone the pace that kills, and that certain
Il has . thousand fights it's hung around o nshts,
And 10 waiting for the final curtain.
II has weddings, and Of parties few,
Il has taken part in celebrations
Il has carried and and has helped rob three bank
And has saved o ruined many regulations.
Many Of Il has carried through the
And the beauties Of the chorus and the ballet.
By the has stood the days when soed-
By the old stsss-door knew down the alley.
In b..srds and through rains has caught thousand ts
thousand its usssd home In the morning.
And the rising the Landscape sdornins.
Now i lost It's and VIM and ts headlights they dim.
And Il coughs and bucks and buckles and Il
And hasn't got the hit fourteen hour
And is old frame 10 open to the bresres.
II has lived = stormy life in its fifteen of strife,
Il has witnessed scandal, mirth and gloom and Joy.
II 10 silent and discreet stands there in the
But II that taxiesb could talk-oh boyi R.K.M
The Washington times., 1922-05-14

begin taking q sock at American
manners and customs, which you
know something about. It used to
be that Americans took . lot OF
guff from these birds and paid for
being abused. but NO more. II any.
body IL going to knock America.
we'll do It ourselves. We got
plenty Of homegrown hammer
throwers."
The only thing in America l
amt never heard these foreigners
knock Is the American currency"
says Elias Q. Higginbotham.
"You have put your finger right
on the button" says Quincy.
There is only one thing about us
that they like and that is our
dough. That is what they're here
for. They have 10 come here and
get the uncouth mazuma in order
to live in cultured Europe. But so
far as We are concerned all Ameri-
cans are rough-necks. Our main
mission in life Is to keep Europe
out Of the poorhouse.
"The noblemen start this idear
some decades ago when they begin
marrying American heiresses,
which isn't SO bad. They only
sting q few people that way, the
gal herself and her old man and q
few relatives and lending acquaint
ances in the smart set. Then some
The Washington times., 1922-05-14

take him to beat It for Southamr-
ton and up the gang-plankf Ny
word! The very idea OF such inso-
lencel How far did Pussyfoot
johnson get with his stuffT"
That 10 because she u our
mother country" says Elias Q.
Higginbotham. But she acts more
like q mother-in.law."
"As soon a. you get the idear
firmly fixed in your head that
everything European 10 all to the
good and everything American IL
the bunk. you have got the correct
angle" says Quincy. Il see there
Is . woman member OF Parliament
over here now telling us how TO
run our affairs and advising us
about what to do for our soldiers.
She favors prohibition-for the
United States"
WELL" says Elias Q. Higgin.
botham. -let 'em talk. They all
know when they are about to bs
licked. We will always come over
and save them. and when they need
money, they know where to get It.
We might As well be broad.minded
about the thing. Sticks and stones
may break our bones, but names
will never hurt u.s."
But" says Quincy. ~ you 70
over there and tell them what to
do about their soldiers and about
liquor and skirts for women and co.
forth. will they pay to listen to.
your VIII they make . monkey
out OF themselves toting you
around and publishing your picture
fifteen or twenty times In every
paperi ask you. No. indeed.
they win not know you are among
those present and you will not be
among those present any longer
than IL necessary to get your
steamboat reservation. Giving ad-
vice Is one thing. Taking It 10 an
other.
But they have gone and dis
agreed among themselves at last
and they have put Us in . pretty
bad predicament. For the last
forty years these lecturers have
been telling Us TO 30 to . certain,
place. but how are We TO fnd Hf"
slows thstf" asks Elias Q. His-
ginbothsm.
"They have been telling rs to 30
to the hot place." says Quincy:
"and now comes . learned member
Of their profession who 10 quite an
Investigator named DR.. Conan
Doyle"
"what Of ~" asks Elias O. Hig.
sinbothsm. How has he jsssed
up the arrangementsf"
According to him." says Quincy.
"thers Amt NO hell for us to 70 Ia,
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
By Roy K. MouIton

tine. the newspaper gents and sob
sisters get around him and yell:
How do you like American
81 wonder!' he replies. Maybe
his name is Reginald and maybe
It is Msrgot.
Your buildings are too tall and
your skirts are too short he says.
You have got all the culture OF .
livery stable. Your politics Is rot.
ten. your morals are fierce and,
generally speaking, you are lot Of
bally blatherskites. Outside OF
that you may be all right. I don't
know. I'll hook you over
Then he spends q day In Wash
ington looking at the timetables Of
Chicago trains. then a day in Chi
cago looking at the timetables of
New York trains. and then back to
New York for his lecture tour on
You're All Wrong En- route he
has met a few fiappers. a couple of
dozen bellhops. . few parlor car
porters and three or four fake So
ciety people with Woolworth
pearls. and he Is all set for the
lecture. Four days Of travel in
America and he can take US apart
and put US together"
"In other words" says Elias @.
Higginbotham. he is like the feller
that always believes Switzerland IL
. rotten country because he once
gets hold Of . punk piece Of
cheese
These ceiebs win not get any.
body here TO give them . tumble
II they come and tell US We are
o. X. and quite . nice little coun.
try. You see. We know that and
We will not pay good money to
hear something that We already
know. What we want is excite
ment. II they can get US good and
sore It gets our blood to circulat-
ing"
But" says Elias Q. Higginboth.
am, II will be very slow about go
Ing to England and talking about
the English the way they talk
about US when they are over here"
"You will not have no opportun-
ity. whatever" says Quincy. I'm
the FIRST place you have got too
much good taste for to do II, and
In the second place they will not
allow you to say It II you try. All
the criticism has got to 90 one
way. II you start In to sass any
thing European they will say you
arc an incendiary and that you are
onsrateful after all Europe has
done for US, or to US, as the case
may be. II any bird from this side
should 20 over there and try to
tell them how TO run their politics.
can you imagine how long II viii
The Washington times., 1922-05-14

<T See" says Elias Q. Higgin-
'" botham. that We are q lot
Of very low-browed, uncul-
tured oil-cans, here in America, and
that our combined morality is not
sufficient to get one small-sized guy
into heaven"
WELL" says Quincy Todd, "that
should not surprise you. The for
eign celebs that come over here
to lecture have been telling us for
forty years that we are . bunch Of
hicks. dumbbells, fatwheelers.
cavemen. boobs, yaps. cake-eat-
ers. thimble-riggers, con men.
simps and featherheads. We ought
to know It by this time. When
ever We seem to be In danger of
forgetting our uncultured state and
enjoying ourselves, some other
lecturer comes over and tells u.s."
II never feel real downright sad
and disappointed about this couD-
try" says Elias Q. Higginbotham,
until hear some Of these famous
birds from across the pond talk
about 1t. When one OF these here
wise birds is sailing home to Eng
land, they meet another one sail
ing over this way and we never get
more than two or three days rest.
l don't see why they come to this
quagmire OF ignorance and sin.
Why don't they stay to homo where
everything is perfectI I don't un-
derstand them at all"
you are not supposed to under
stand them" says Quincy Todd.
You are not supposed to know |
enough to understand them. All
you are supposed to do is to buy a |
ticket to the lecture, absorb the
evenings abuse and go home. II
you could understand these birds,
their game would be up. II they
should talk about anything you un-
you will realize that they
know nothing whatever about what
they are talking about and that
viii make them very poor drawing
cards. !
Most Of them are so familiar
with America they don't know
draw-poker is played with
cards or dice, and so they say moth
ng whatever about drsw.poker, a
'ubJect In which most of their audi
snce is somewhat fancy In. They
pick out some subject which you
snow nothing about and hope you
never will know anything about,
md they can feed you the old
'pple.sauce till the cows come
home. They know you are not in
my position to get up and call
hem a liar.
They don't slip up until they
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
Choose Your News


They'll prosecute all they fnd kissing the pie
So Il will be, alas, slsek,
poor year for the fishing smack.
The miners have strike, demanding larger pay
The dwellsrs In houses do feel dsm.y.
Coal fsminss that,
To folks In . "steamhested" fiat
More Ysnks going Europswsrd than befors.
They dearly love spend their upon foreign shor
They hate there but oh,
How Europeans love dough.
The Princess Mary has turned down lure,
For she 10 . honsymoon and lot . circus tour.
Who with husband that 10 new,
Would risk whss Paris has on viswf
Lsnne his dss.hbsd but has made hrssheur speech
The Communicate Congress shousht hi, effort peach
Lsnins and Trot.ky both dead
So often, nothing much 10 ..J.
There's nothing Hollywood the probers al declare.
The vile reports sisndsr . city that 10 f.is
Reported wieksdness and woe
We. .ethins but sesn.ro.
Coprri9Ak ky starc a
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
Quincy Todd on Foreign Celebs

<T SEE" says Elias Q. Higgin-
botham. that We are q lot
d of yery low -broved. uncuI-
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
Tony the Barber
on Small Navy

A LOT OF da Gus who come by
~ barb shop talk let mooch
q d about da navy. Some guys
The Washington times., 1922-05-14

= cesyr,SAt lsil Sy star Ga
The Washington times., 1922-05-14
Cogitations of a Cuckoo

! Cogitations of a Cuckoo
wyHEN housemaid bureau po~.d.y. ,s
do not give her permanent a iin..r,
People used to think nothing Of subwsysnd p.o,
don't think o '"
. - -- ,.H.1
Barber rubbing violsnty)w You s.,. ..,,,
on your head after give this shampooI
cusomsr-l very doubtful. but hope
For things with all bad taste repIets
That your tanpe,
nearstons house cannot be beat
A. concrete
Is easier copper than 1t is to COP . knoclsr
you don't mind business somebody else will
mvsHY
soulful young nspper named Miriam
Whsneer she had bssux she would weary
With Iansushns sishs
shed roll eyes
And darling and dueky m
In cop psrlanes nveandtenner
bunch Of bright Woolworth tewelry by mistake.
The Buffalo, but perhaps you
prefer the soft kind. -
Now they have hypnotized by radio Try
tailor.
The Standard Oil any against
automobile riding Sunday
FATHER
The bride Is IoveiIness,
Her modste .
The mother Of the brides arrayed
In jewels by the
TIE brothers all have dress suits,
They to neek.
Tho decorations are immense
And father writes .
Salvation 10 free but revvaist q
They serving reindeer is e1
pensive The other night tshWad asked his girl
vs will have,
man at Long Beach has umbrellas
ladies who bathing transforms
Imitation hatery unless you say II with
counterfeit
Chicago court decides that kisses
cases the certainly the $40
One thing about the
He he Presidents game
The trouble with good
eonceied like anything
man who invens will
the fellow who nvents airship that
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
ON THE WAY TO RECOGNITION.

Dispatches from Mexico City during The last
few days reflect the hope that American recogni-
Etion OF the Oregon government may soon follow
the agreement reached last week in regard to the
gradual liquidation of Mexico's foreign indebted
ness. 1t should be said, however, that this view is
held only by sanguine Mexicaps while the conserv-
alive elements point out that the loan agreement is
merely one step in the direction Of recognition.
Much, it is pointed out, remains to be ~accomp-
|lished before recognition can be granted, but it
seems likely that negotiations will be started i'm
mediatcly for the purpose Of bringing about an ac-
cord between the Mexican government and the
American oil interests. The situation in that re-
spect has for some time past remained at status quo,
but it looks as though the loan agreement has de-
veloped into a sort Of opening wedge 50 that the
problem may once more engage the active attention
of those directly interested.
Before rushing into conclusions based on the
premises established by the. agreement reached the
other day, it is we'll to remember. that certain i'm
by President Obregon before they can become.
effective, but since Adolfo della Huerta, the Mex
lean minister of finances, was in close Geographic
communication With the president during the final
discussions in New York, there is no reason to look
for serious difficulties here. 2
Mexico is DESTROYS of obtaining the recognition
now withheld from her, and she may for that reason
be inclined to make concessions which, she, ordin-
,ariy, would not grant. Her financial affairs now
having been put in order-to a certain extent-she
is able to devote her attention to other tasks neces-
sary for the lasting sterilization of her affairs. and
there can be no doubt that the United States will
continue to show a spirit of helpfulness. and Coop
Grafton in this connection so that soon a complete
understanding may be reached. 145
The Mexican problem has been the vulnerable
spot of more than one American administration al
though recognition may not be brought about TODAY
or tomorrow, it seems, on the whole, as though the
agreement on the payment of foreign loans will
hasten the ultimate solution Of the problem SO that
it may be disposed of to the satisfaction of the peo-
pies living on both sides of the Rio Grande.
IN the detailed reports of the negotiations in
New York, it is pointed out that the creditors as
we'll as the debtors were forced to make some sacri-
fces-they did not get all they asked for. on either
side: 1t is possible thatsif a similar method is ap-
piled to the problem of inter political relations, the
question OF recognition will soon cease to exist. A
little H%exibility goes along way-and it sometimes
is useful to try to look at things from the viewpoint
of the other fellow, too.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
DR.. Clarence Bartlett, president OF the ]

DR.. Clarence Bartlett, president OF the Pennsyl-
vania state homeopathic society, is the latest OBJ
server to decide that the young people of the coun-
try are going to the dogs. DR.. Bartlett is particn-
larly concerned over-the habits of modern young
people Of the cities, declaring that the happer pace
is reducing the youth to wreckage.
Young people have been going to the dogs ever
since the age of Methuselah if their elders were to
be believed but somehow this old world has wagged
along. and some of us think it has even improved in
a good many respects.
While many of us may not particularly approve
of some of the habits of the modern youth and girl
there is no occasion for serious alarm. The present
Aapper represents a phase, a swing Of the pendulum
to one of the extremes of its arc. Similar extremes
have occurred in the past from time to time, and
will occur in the future, but are always followed by
a reaction.
The Wesleyan revival in England followed
close on one of the most dissolute periods in that
country's history. The rigid propriety Of the Vic
torian age represented the swing of the pendulum
away from the license of George ~.
So it will be with the present epidemic Of flap
p~eritis. The pendulum will begin its swing in the
opposite direction, and there will be a return to a
more sane scheme of life among the young.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
What have you done that they

ed. What have you done that they
should be your enemy?"
"Nothing," he protested firmly.
The men outside are hired a~ssassans.
AS for. Langrode here, your step
father a tell4,you his record"
She turned upon BlAckman with
blazing eyes. .,
You have let David walk into Q
trap?' she cried. &"You areSin league
with these men?" -
Indeed L am not" Israel Black
man pleaded. For a moment. I LIST
ened to Paul Langrode here because
he offered me a safe asylum in my
W country, but it was only for q
moment. L told him the TRUTH
pointing to David,-'I; warned Aim.
He will tell you SO himself" e
II have nothing against Israel
Blackman," David said. He warned
me of what was to come. =. Now.
L~ansrode." he went on. speak II you
have anything to say, or is it just
your will to butcher If you pr,
Langrode spoke for the first time.
1t was obvious that he was uneasy.
he had intended. . !, ~.
"Blackman,"" he said harshly, can't
you get Virginia out Of the way?
This is a man matter" :
"A mans matter!" Virginia re-
peatedt passionately. "Asrhan's mat
ter. when there are four OF you
against spnet You have aiprettys name
for 1t indeed! count me on the weak
er side. Now what is it,. Murder or
robbery or both ~,
Langrode came a. little further: into
the room. ~. 81
Robbery it certainly is not" he
said. Murder it maybe, but MUIR
der can be prevented
Let there be no bloodshed,' :. Israel
Blackman ! begged. wringtng his
hands, .let there be no bloodshed,
I pray!" M 81
asked. S'A J.
They are simple, and they are the
terms Of trust" Langrode answered.
Lift your right hand towards Heav-
en-, David Of Suess, and swear before
God that, without >theewrtten per-
mission; Of Metzger 0 myself, you
will not cross the frontier Of ,Balkan-
land; and the mattersis ended. 1 ask
only for your word of honor, Give
1t and you go from here unharmed."
Continued Tomorrow Evening"
La - -
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
THE PEoPLE WILL IUnGE.

Public opinion throughout the country should
applaud the views expressed by Ben w. Hooper,
chairman of the United States railway wage board,
in a recent statement on the threatened strike. Of
railway workers. The underlying idea in Mr..
Hooper's statement is that in the final analysis the
public has the right to insist that the system of dis
tribution that is necessary to life shall not be con-
Quoted at the whim- of either labor or capital.
Moreover the outcome Of the present %controv-
ersy should and will hang on the balance Of public
opinion. Neither side can afford to forfeit the good
opinion of the public by bull headedness, and re-
fusal. to consider the rights of the great mass of, the
people in the matter. To the common sense Of
right both sides must yield.
The prosperity of the railroads and Of their
employees depends on the prosperity Of the general
public. If the nation as a whole is prosperous the
benefits of this prosperity will reach the railway
interests along with the other elements in the coun-
try. The sense of public justice may be depended
upon to insure that this prosperity will be shared
fairly by owners and employees.
But whichever side is found responsible for
rocking the boat in the present controversy deserves
to lose the confidence of the people who constitute
the final and greatest court of appeal.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
A MEDIEVAL

Reports from Paris tell of the discovery Of the
existence there of a %cult,which practices the 'Black
Mass" or worship of Satan. This marks an inter
estlng throw-back to superstitions which the aver
age man has supposed to be extinct in the modern
civilized world. "a" -. &
during the middle ages it appears that the cele-
bration of the ""Black Mass" though prescribed I'M
der the most severe penalties was of rather fire..
quent occurrence. The best known example being
the case OF GILES De Retz, a powerful French Noble
who was convicted of the practice, and burned at
the stake in 140. The evidence at De Retz' trial,
although looked at with some 'skepticism by mod
ern historians tended to prove that he was guilty
OF the most revolving practices, including the sacri-
flce of young children on the Satanic altar. This by
the way, was a common feature of the "messe noir'
at least according to popular belief.
Like most of the other worshippers of Satan
during the middle ages, Retz seems to have sought
the gift of the restoration of his youth from his
demon master. That youth could be regained nv
come down Gus today in the story of Faust" or
Dr.. Faustus" as he was known in the latter part
of the 18th and the 18th century.
With the passing of medieval superstition. the
Black Mass" seems to have disappeared almost
entirely, SO far. at least as the more enlightened
parts of Europe were concerned, but appears 10
have revived to some extent in Paris during the lat
ter part of the seventeenth century whene it is
said to have figured to some extent in connection
with the Brinviliers, and La Voisin poisoning
crimes which were investigated by the Chamber
Ardente" under Louis XIV, Although some execu-
tons took place the investigation was terminated
before some Of the cases under investigation had
been thoroughly aired. According to one. story the
probe was ended by Royal order because of the pos
s'bility that persons close to the throne might be-
come implicated.
Since that time there has been practically no re-
carrence of this crime in the more highly. civilized
portions of the Christian world, though of course
devil worship in the cruder sense is still common
among some of the pagan, and barbarous races.
Whether or not the more revolving and criminal
practices which have been connected with the
Black Mass in the past are, used by its present
%votaries in Paris. the reports do not indicate, but it
is more likely to be simply a blasphemous fad, not
taken seriously evenly those who participate in it.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1922-06-22
PRECINCT COMMITTEEMAN.

In the interest over state issues, one of the
most important points of the primary election is apt
to be forgotten by the great majority of the voters.
This is the selection Of party precinct committee
men
This matter is especially important to the In
partisan league should succeed in electing a ma
jority of these committeemen it would again be in
control Of the machinery of the Republican party
in the state regardless Of whether it won or lost the
election. This possibility should be carefully
guarded against.
Arrangements should be made by the indie
pendents in every precinct in the state to support
one candidate for committeeman. Only in this
way can the possibility Of the capture of the party
organization BY the league be eliminated.
Unless you want Bill Lemke or someone like
him As state chairman Of the Republican party,
elect an Independent precinct committeeman in
yo rom district next Wednesday.