Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-04-19

cosrs.e,sT isz.. Nv EooAs A.lAs MOSS
Its lot cheaper to be a homely
man than to be homely woman. A
homely man can just let his whiskers
grow, but powders, paint and rouge
cost money.-.Contributed from Bud.
The Viroqua Methodist church Ia
certainly getting broad these days. It
is admitting Brewers into its member
ship.
A Swell Shindigger, You Know
She-What does Jack mean when he
says slide slippery heel?
He-That's just his slang; he means
that you shake a wicked hoof.
| X X X
A Perfect Alibi
meek-looking darky was brought in
to suburban police station just OUT
side of Philadelphia and petty charge
was put upon the blotter. He pleaded
| innocence.
Well, asked the examining officer,
for your responsibility?
Whereupon the darky singled out
the head of the small police force.
He can, said the colored man, point
| ing to that officer.
can? gasped the policeman. Why
don't know you!
OATS it exactly, said the accused.
rs lived in this place fo' mo- dan five
yeahs an de police lon't even know
me. So yo' see, gents, / can't be such
a hard lot.
Picking a Sure Thing
An American tourist in Scotland
took great fancy to handsome coli
lie he saw, and offered to buy it. The
owner asked some questions, and on
learning that it was the would7be pur-
chaser's intention to take "Jock" to
America he refused to part with the
dog.
Just then an English tourist came
along and he also made bid for the
collie, which, though less than the first
offer, was accepted. The American
was annoyed, and when the English
man had departed, he said: You told
me you wouldn't sell your dog.
Ma, ma, replied the canny Scot.
said ! couldna part wi him. Jock1l be
back in day or two, never fear. But
he couldna swim the Atlantic.
why Not
You'd better lengthen those skirts,
Marie.
Uh?
Gentlemen are apt to mistake You
for little girl and try to take you on
their laps.
Well?
1t is said the average man uses
three hundred words in his vocabulary.
"The fellow that found that out.
growls Editor Goldsmith, fought to
have heard our vocabulary when the
power went off during the ice storm"
~TOOT-T0OT
A sufferer who lives close to rail-
road yard in the suburb wrote the fol-
lowing to the railroad company COM
planning about the racket made by a
switch engine:
Gentlemen: Why is it your switch
engine has to ding and dong and fizz
and spit and bang and hiss and pant and
CRATE and grind and puff and bump
and chug and boot and foot and whis-
tie and wheeze and jar and Jerk and
hown and snarl and puff and growl
and thump and boom and clash and
jolt and screech and snort and snarl
and slam and throb and roar and rat
tie and yell and smoke and smell and
shrek like hell all night long ?"-Bos-
ton Globe.
Skyserapers Amazed Chris
"Begorry" said an Irishman who
was watching another go through
some exercises, Eye kape yer mouth as
wide open as if We were Columbus the
first tonne he saw New York"
q
One of our long-haired reformers
shouts that "Girls wearing short
skirts are in danger" We think notl
Just think of all the men who ara
looking after them. Yea, verify, the
aye specialists find their trade pick
ing up wonderfully in these days Of
abbreviated wearing apparel.
4 Y 4
Figures Don't Lie, Pat
An Irishman was working for q
Dutchman, and wanted a raise In
wages. The Dutchman said: "Pat.
if you are worth it, / will give it TO
you, but listen, Pat, you know there
are 365 days in the year." Pat said
yep" "Now you sleep eight hours
each day, that equals 122 days you
sleep. Figures don't lie, Pat. Take
that off of 1865 days and you have
ieIt z4o Gays. Now, Pat, you have
eight hours for vacation and devo-
ton" "Yep." "That equals 122 DAYS
Now take that off of 243 DAYS. and
you have 121 days left. Then there
are 81 Sundays in the year; you must
take that off, for you don't work on
Sundays, and that leaves you SO DAYS.
You know ! always give you fourteen
days vacation each year." 'eYep" said
Pat. "That leaves 55 days. Now,
Pat, there are So Saturday haf-holi.
days IN the year; you know that you
don't work Saturday afternoons"
Yep" said Pat. "That makes 26
days. Now take that off, that leaves
~ days. Now Pat, you have one hour
and half for meals each day." "Yeps
said Pat. "That equals 2s days. Now
you must take that of, that leaves /
DAY and figures don't lie, Pat. Now,
Eat, you know always give you OF
St.Patrick's Day every year. Now.
Pat, want to ask you. do you think
you are worth a raise :" Pat said:
What the hell have ] been doing all
this time?"
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Cat Scratches
(Contributed)
L, c: Boyle thinks Hay Ia a good
i L =