Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-06-07
Day Long Dissimilarity

Day Long DissimiIarity
A colored couple stood once again
before the probation officer.
'Now this" the officer said to both
seems to me to be case where there
is nothing very much the matter ex-
cept that your tastes are different.
You, Sam, are much older than your
wife. 1t is case of May married to
December"
A slight pause, and then Eva, the
wife, was heard TO remark in tired
voice:
I'll really doan' know what you
means by yer saying May is married
that way, it seems to me to be case
of Labor Day married to de Day of
Rest '-Eyerybody's.
How She Helped Mamma
A teacher at certain private school
strives to instiIl filial devotion in her
pupils Recently she asked her class
in what way they had been helping
their parents. Various answers were
given of more or less to-be-expected
nature, till she reached a little girl
who had been casting rather contempt
uous glances at the humdrum reports.
When her turn came the eyes of the
others were fixed on her as she lives
in an opulent home that boasts of staff
servants. ."Well, Gracie," the teacher
asked, "what have you been doing TO
help mamma ?" "0h LOTS was the
scornful response of Oracle, but most
ly go to the Country Club and get
cigarettes for her."-San Francisco
Argonaut.
Shades of the Laundry
A San Francisco lady was training
new and inexperienced Chinese house.
boy, and among other things found it
necessary to teach him how to receive
caller. Nov, Wing" she said,
"when come home this afternoon
shall ring the bell, and you must pay
attention to what tell you to do when
you open the door," When the boy
did this on her return, she handed him
her visiting card and had him show
her into the drawing room. Before
long caller appeared. Wing took the
proffered bit of pasteboard and grave
ly compared it with his mistress card,
which he produced from his sleeve.
At the end of his scrutiny he remarked
"Tickee no same; no can come in
EVeryDody'S.
INGENIOUS
"A two-penny loaf" said an Irish
man. The loaf was placed before him.
As if suddenly changing his mind he
declared he should prefer a two
penn'orth of whiskey instead. This
he drank off and pushing the loaf to-
wards the shopkeeper, was departing,
nd <Nf Do
for the whiskey.
loaf for the whiskey?"
"Well, but you did not pay for the
loaf, you know"
"Thrue, and why should I? Don't
you see / didn't take the loaf, man
alive?" And away he quietly walked
leaving the worthy dealer lost in a
brown study.--Alliance News.
y n y
The only reason we can sell goods
for less than cost is because we sell
so many.-Card in Cleveland, Ohio,
store window.
n r. n ~
Close investigationuyt heway Dame
Fortune hez favored some guys II
usually disclose the fact that he's been
trailin' the old girl till he freed and
caught her.
The only ideas in the world worth
mentioning according to some folks
are the ones that begin with capt.
tai az.
Weekly Broadcasts
Paragraph 1--n you don't know
where you are going, you're not going
| far.
Paragraph 2-Gasoline makes a car
go, tbs true, but that's not the half of
| it, dearie.
Paragraph 3LMistakes are the COM
mon heritage of opportunity, they are
| the paving stones of progress.
Paragraph What man knows,
not what he tells, is what makes him
successful.
al love to idle by the sea
And spend the day in reverie
And dream of glories yet to come,
And so does every other bum"
4 n 4 4
That Proposal
Ninety-nine out of hundred mar
ried men, if they spoke the truth,
would have to confess that they had
been unaware thirty seconds before
they proposed that they were going
to do so; and that the most incredible
happening in their lives had been when
thirty seconds later, they had discov-
cred that not only had they proposed,
but that they had been riotously ac-
cepted."
4 n "a
A beautiful stenographer who draws
a salary of $35 a week says she has
been successful because she never
spends more than third of her time
powdering her face or fixing her hair.
X r n 4
Rev. Harris asks, does the groom
have to be kissed by the new women
preachers?
\ n y q
Mayor A. E. Smith says: "Did you
ever notice when mule is kicking he
isn't pulling?"
Bryan from the depth of his wis
dom, shifts the pitcher, and with his
right hand tucked in his coat says,
"Any man who thinks he is descend
ed from a monkey should try to hide
the fact that rather than tell the world
he thinks So" We agree.
y y
EXCEEDINGLY BASHFUL
The nth degree of bashfulness has
finally been located in the case Of the
young lady who had received q legacy
from q deceased relative, and in writ
a. har- erraofhaor% oh<xrYf - .u,l