The Washington times., 1922-11-13
|AnteMurder'

BY Nat NJ, Dorfman.

IL
IA bootlesger. continues TO
thrive. But nothing ventured.
nothing gained. and we stih are
confident that we will be killed
sooner or later. Even at that
our lives hang up by, q hair. the
color OF which cannot be de-
terhined until the deed is com
mitted.
II my wife does the killing. II
will be by brown hair our lives
hinge on; II it's her husband that
attends to the pieasantries. then
II win be by whatever color hair
he happens to have. 81
And now on to Snother set OF
our volcanic love. letters which
we trust We win see in print be-
fore We are slaughtered by some
irate readers Of this newspaper.
my Moon Maid and Ny Love
Of the Yeast:
What can ! say to you to-
day that hasn't already been
said by couples In letters who
have been successful murdered!
We are. after all. my Elephant
kins, in the experimental stage.
II we are never murdered-oh,
hate to think Of such q fate
these letters will have been writ
ten in vain!
Martha has read these letters
of ours In print as she swung
lazily in a hammock. her favorite
place whom she desires to mock
me, but she refuses to believe US
guilty. She says we are only
after the publicity. as We ex-
pect to 20 into the movies. What
a trusting soul she is! She IN
tends giving one Of her duub-
attic recitals soon. and It will be
lust like her to memorize' these
passionate epistles Of ours for an
encore. ,..
IT missed your caresses terri
bly, yesterday afternoon. In fact,
I even believed missed you.
Why didn't you show up, my soul
of souls? Did It take you all that
time to select a fitting tombstone
for the two of. us? I hope you
only left q small deposit. as We
may have no reason to use them
unless Martha or John. that's your
husbands name, isn't 1t? Wake
I'D to the facts in the case.
IT will expect you at the farm
tonight. ] hope the corn thieves
try swipins some pumpkihs 'for q
change. so they don't spoil our
spooning. And I .trust.those other
married couples keep away from
the crabapple tree. We don't want
them murdered by mistake for US.
That would be terribly dis
heartening. J.Ss
"As ever. ..E r
your Lille Income Tax Collector.
"Note-She always called. me
that because I was so prompt in
collecting my smackers-a vulgar
term for kisses"
My Moon Maids answer to this
violent love measure follows:
my Dear Doodlebags:
Il was reading a novel called
New Views of Life in Oshkosh,
and was reveling in the fiery love
between the chief of police and
the mayors wife. when your in
spirational letter reached me by
parcel post. I knew II was from
you because outside of the credi-
tors you are the only one who
writes regularly. and this wasn't
creditors day. I'D -<e-.
"I am heartbroken today. lin.
that's my husbands name. and
not John, said that he's a fiat
failure in life as a watchman. He
said there was no advancement
in the job, so he threatens to
auit-the job. not me. Oh. that 'he
would leave me-the money he
Inherited from a bootleg cousin
of his who was killed in action.
But why doesn't something
happen? I'm running all out OF
ideas for these letters and un.
less the deed In committed pronto.
well both grow stale, and these
missives won't be worth ruble.
There's no sense in continuing
this affair unless we are certain
of being murdered. for then and
only then can we get our tdst
desserts. -" o., 80.
"I am praying for the endt
st.i. "Your Moon Maid"
Note by Editor-Her prayer
has been answered. II any fair
readers feel hurt, let us know.