davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

nnents were not disclosed to him until
after he reached Paris. This is most
astonishing statement. Mr.. Baker adj
mits that MIR. Lansing knew Of some OF
these agreements and that Mr.. Balfour
talked with Colonel House about others.
Many of them were also revealed in
1917 by the Russian Boishevist govern
ment and were published, as Mr.. Pooley
says, in his "Japan's Foreign Policies" !"
and this country" {Great Britain).
Pooley declares that if the President
did not know of them officially he must
have known Of them unofficially.
This is the conclusion frankly stated
by Mr. Walter Lippmann, one Of Colo
mel Houses assistants, in the con
troversy between him and Mr.. Baker
carried on last spring in "The
Nation" He SAYS: II believe that
Mr.. Wilson knew about the Treaty of
London at that time May, 19t8l be
cause everybody else did," He holds
that Articles VIII and TX of the Four
teen Points are "unintclligent except
ON the assumption that their author
understood the secret treaties" He,
therefore, agrees with Pooley that the
President WIS unofficialIy cognizant of
b'ie tiChsttSt put WIb0Su 10 remain
Officially ignorant of them" Mr.
Bakers chapter dealing with the OBJ
stacles raised by American IGNORANCE"
of the secret treaties is the most dis
ingenious in his book.
Whatever may have been the Presi-
dents lack Of technical preparation, g
greater handicap was his moral unpre-
paredness. He vas morally unprepared
to negotiate peace because he never
understood the war. He struggled TO
keep out Of it. AS 10 the merits Of the
struggle he was di5interested. He be
lived that it ought to end in "a peace
without victory in which the United
States should play the role Of impair
tial mediator. That was his funda-
mental war policy, and even up to Feb
ruary 1, 1917, he was negotiating with
BernstorF to promote diplomatic set
tlement in which he should figure as
the neutral umpire.
Franklin X. Lane wrote Of him on
February 25, 1917, after American par
ticipation in the war was unacceptable:
II don't know whether the President
Is an internationalist or pacifist; be
seems to be mildly nationa1--his patri-
otism is covered over with fiIm of
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

motto manner that leads the reader on
from one entry to the next inexorably.
You may want to stop-I did, more
than once, but / read on, which is prob
ably good test of the compelling
manner, and laughed in spite of my
self, which is certainly the best way
80 laugh.
There ought to be passages in the
book which could be quoted for the
sake of giving some idea of its dry
| husnor, but it is not easy to make Sc
lections. Mr.. Blick's sly way of leading
one on in this case initiates against
him. However, at the risk of not be.
ing able to stop:
Home in evening to a good supper
and Fred Thomas showing up with a
Boston TERROR puppy in shoe box,
given to him by friend; and as Fred
had no place to keep it, he brought it
to Ellen as q gift Polly and Ellen
both asking wouldn't the friend take
too late to give him back, I saying the
pup would stay at our house. as we
need watchdog, anyhow, and I'd al
ways wanted pup. Naming the pup
Pep, as he is SO full of same, and feed
ing him milk till he looked as if he
had swallowed baseball
The pup figures importantly in the
diary from this entry, made in Feb
ruary. His hungry presence in the
morning causes words between Mr.
Blick and his wife, Polly. "She said
that of late Pep seems to be my first
thought around the house. I seeing
that | have made mistake with him,
so resolving to say something bright
chance I get. Beginning by telling
Polly that the rice mullins she made
for breakfast were the best had ever
eaten, but getting in wrong there, as
Mrs. Walker, our new neighbor, had
brought them over while l was fixing
the furnace"
Pep chews up overshoes and tears
open q couple Of feather pillows, howIs
when he is shut UP in the basement or
out of doors and is such a source OF
argument between Mr.. Blick and his
Polly that he almost becomes the hy-
potenuse Of triangle. Says Mr. Blick:
talked about getting place to live
with Pep, inviting Polly, Ellen and Fred
to dinner and to the theater; and, as
luck would have it, one of the char
acters in the play said: Show me a
man that dogs like and I'll show you
good husband Glad to see more real
ism of this kind on the stage showing
that authors are going to real life for
their material" Mr.. Blick sensib!y
concludes to GO to the theater oftener
to encourage that sort of thing.
Everybody knows MI Blick. He
lives In a pleasant part of fair-sized
Middle Western city; he likes din,
ner of T-bone steak and baked pota-
toes, lettuce and Thousand Island
dressing, deep apple pie and coffee. He
is bamboozled by Polly and his daugh-
ter into thinking that he runs the
household; he likes the "movies," his
little car, his neatly kept house and
yard and his position as head of de-
partment at the Office Once in while
he goes to church.
Mr.. Noland's book, his frst, is ex-
traordinary In many ways. In particu-
lar 1t is sound. Mr.. holland has his
feet on solid earth and It is to be hoped
he will keep them there while he
writes his next one. This is a book
for those of us who liked "Pecks Bad
Boy" Plupy Shute and Mr.. Lardner's
Friend AL. 1t Is book for those of us
who have furnaces to tend and snow
to shovel.
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

the royal palaces, restored the White
Drawing Room, and arranged for most
of them, to go to better world.
AS parting kiss to the remainder
he gives them in his memoirs detailed
advice on how to get themselves killed
off, too. He would have seen to this
himself if some one hadn't nipped his
plans in the bud. Even in his own
home he was surrounded by encirclers
and bud-nippers, SO that his heart was
always bleeding. For whom? l give
you three guesses.
Besides love for others, his main
interests lay in art, literature, science
and religion. He went the highbrows
pal, play on the subject of Assyriol-
ogy. the leading character in which
was an archaeological excavation. The
drama was Kissed by encirclers. He
honored Homer by going to Ithaca and
stepping upon the places mentioned in
the odyssey"
He was especially fond Of chemical
research, as he saw in it great pos
sibilities for making his fellow
creatures everywhere healthier and
more comfortable His religious views,
which he sets forth at great length,
seem to me to smack slightly Of
heresy. And it came as a surprise to
learn that God had revealed Himself"
in the person of the Kaiser's grand
father, William the Great. No one can
miss the main religious message which
glows throughout the memoirs--get
right with this world.
In spite of his spirited hypertrophy.
the Kaiser shone as diplomat when
ever the bud-nippers gave him a
chance. Some time in the sos Rus
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

sian grand duchess said to him In St.
Petersburg, Here we sit all the time
on volcano" L should have thought
she'd hardly notice that. The Rus
SLAMS are always sitting on stoves. Had
the duchess told this TO me I should
have rallied her little along these
lines (nothing rough, of course), and
promptly have forgotten it. The
Kaiser got out his notebook, wrote it
down, took it home, and put 1T in the
archives Of the Foreign Office.
His cryptic allusion to the time he
"stood before the enemy" with his be
loved troops refers doubtless to his So
journ at the chateau of Pinon, in
France, the property OF the Princess Of
Polk whom he had once entertained.
On this occasion he assisted his father.
land by inspecting the condition of the
princess old wearing apparel which
had been tossed about her private
apartments by the heartless English.
He examined everything carefully and
lovingly, sent, all the lady's dirty
clothes to the cleaner, hung them up
again, wrote her to this effect and
awaited her reply. Did she show the
commonest gratitude? Not she She
didn't even answer the letter
1t seems that the road to Doom was
paved with good advice from many
quarters: Let our hero speak:
+ still others say the Emperor should
have killed himself. That was made
impossible by my firm Christian he
liefs. And would not people have ex
claimed: How cowardly! Now he
shirks all responsibility by committing
suicide!A"
Well, more's the pity, they would
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12
The Kaiser's Alibi
By Will Cuppy

TIE RAISER's MEMOIRS by wilhelm
Harper q Bros
T WONDER why I am always asked
y to review the books that look a
b little off color, somewhat queer
L. and flshy. not quite bright or
otherwise beneath the notice of
the rest of the Office. f9 I have been
appointed feebleninded editor of this
paper l should like to know it at once
and also the nature and amount of the
increased emoluments appertaining to
the position.
The staff tnsulter would have moth
ing to do with "The Kaisers Memoirs"
and I can understand that 1t was no
case for the official Blumenwerfer.
Yes, now ] SEQ 1t all. / realize what
meaning lay in MIR. Rascoe's Giaconda
smile as he reached me the volume,
holding IL gingerly between thumb and
index finger by means Of sterilized
piece of Bookman's Day Book. He
was handing me my portfolio.
| wish / could begin my career by
calling the Kaiser some new names.
That always struck me as eminently
1nnbeeile. But there aren't any.
Kaiser will do. All / can attempt Is
Ito give soma faint reflection, as lido
ntieally as a novice may, of what my
SoStioAg du via HduD III tulS genre, mas
expertly and Enthusiastically vented
and invented In this story of his life.
| am to take the Kaiser's brain child
by the hand and wander whittier its
somewhat ciouded fancy Wills, All
right. Lets go.
This book has greatly changed my
opinion of the Kaiser (That will
surely clinch my job). For one thing,
I was glad to learn that he had nothing
whatever to do with starting the war
Whoever says he did is simply calling
him plain liar. He spent his whole
time trying TO prevent the war and
usher in the day of universal peace
DER Tag" he called it, This just shows
what reports will get around. And
that you can't believe all you hear, or
read.
Peace was the Kaiser's middle name.
u finally got him. All his present
troubles, he says himself "are the
consequence of well-nigh incredible
love Of peace" I regard the word
"well-nigh" as blunder. In gesture
OF this sort the only thing to do is to
20 the whole schwein. With this single
exception, the Kaiser has done Just
Shat.
The real Gauss of the war, as we all
know, was the famous "gentiemen's
agreement" between the United States,
England and France, in 1897, to nag,
hound and otherwise annoy the Kaiser
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

mene she will fail to notice tha
rope which You have stretched
across the sidewalk and will fail
rms is your opportunity to obtain
an introduction. Stepping up to
ner and touching your hat mo-
iteiys you say, in a welI-n,od,,-
lated voice. tI beg your pardon
MISS Doe, but I cannot Helm
noticng that you are lying prone
on the sidewalk" II she fs we'll
pred. she Will not at first sneak
70 you, as you are a perfect
Stranger. This silence, however
shouId De your cue to once more
ZIP your hat and remark ssI real
re, MISS Doe, that I have NOT had
tne honor OF an Introduction. hnt
you Will admit that you are ivfne-
prone on the sidewalk. Here is ,1,y
garland here is one for Mrs
zoe, your mother" AT that yn,,
should hand her two plain en.
graved calling cards, each CON
tanning your name and address, r.
mere are any other ladies' in her,
aanlly--aunts, grandmother. ss
cetera-it ts correct to leave cards
ior them also. Be sure that ths
cards are clean, aa the name ~,
sne calilng card fs generally sufH-
Saen1 s,,sa Tor Identification purposes
Wishout st the addition of the
When she, mas accepted vour
cards. she will give you ms ne
fers, after which ie viii be neys
iecsiy correct for you TO assist
rer 20 rise from the sidewaii,
20 not. however. press yo,ir a. az.
ssSs.iohs ssa 1urther upon her az this
,,rn r.,e. out after expressing the
proper ~ regret over her rnisfortrne
st. st would be well 60 bow and re- re-
Etiquette 0g fbe Cn..uy~.rr
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12
Reed This Sad Sforyofth
Aspiring kenrelfons

HE Kenneitons were young
q married people. Owing to hts
deep interest In foreign trade.
Jasper Kenneiton had accented a
position In a large drygoods estahs
hshment where his duties enabled
nlm TO use his modish morning
coat, unpacked since the wedding
Amyol KenneIton was a charms
ing young wife. But IL there u-ss
one thing about her which eaya
her husband a touch of ,Ines a.,
ness 1t was her occasional Ia ~ ~
polish, due to her years as a
manicurist.
At length the Kenneltong' grea.
opportunity Of a lifetime hovered.
Would 1t find them unprepared7
The President Of KenneIton's
concern was looking about for q
new seventh vice president TO do
thrift work among the cash girls
whose reckless living had caused
concern Naturally he asked the
kenneltons to dinner.
1t was q gorgeous evening. As
their trolley drew near the Presi-
dents house, young Mrs. Kennel
ton took her husbands arm. 'iOh.
Jasper" she murmured, 'I feel
SO nervous for fear we should not
succeed"
He petted her and told her not
to worry. All she had to do was
TO remember not TO eat olives
with q spoon.
Dinner pronounced de-5eun-erl
was served in the sunptuous
buffet room. Conversation Ian.
guished brilliantly until, In the
midst Of the Pear q Ia Bourdaioue.
President Collfewood turned 20
Kennelton and asked suddenly:
Don't you think SO too. KEN
nelton?''
Receiving no answer. Collie
wood said sharplys
IT say. Kennelton, are you
needing this conversation or are
YOU not?"
What had happened? A very
simple. @ very small thing-a
mere trifies In fact. Gazing across
the table, Kennelton had been
struck dumb by the sight OF
Amyol absentmindeaiy pressing
back the cuticie of her dinner
partners flngernails with the
prong Of her stamped silver olive
fork. zt was O. mistake anyone
might make and get how hui"
initiating ana disastrousl
On the way home that night
Anyol blamed herself bitterly.
But her husband said with the
firm cheerfulness for when she
married him:
Never mind. darling This has
taught us s. lesson. We win buy
PERFECT BEHAVIOR and thus
avoid missing the chance OF .
lifetime twice"
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

example. It IA not au fait Correct
form) to simply say, ''Mr. Roe,
] want you TO shake hands with
my friend Dorothy Under this
rules Of the beau monde {correct
9orm) this would probably be done
as follows: Dorothy Cor Miss
Doe), shake hands with Mr.. Roe"
AlwSys give the name Of the lady
nrse. unless you are introducing
United States, the Archbishop Of
Canterbury, g. member of the mo-
bility abova a baron, or a cug-
somer. The person who is being
introduced" then extends his Tor
her) right ungleved hand ana
says, Shake" You shake" say
sng at the same time ssIt's warm
tcooD for November May" to
which the other replies. "I'li say
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

NclAhu- hSTEef & Eros.
~ All BLfCK is a middla-aged man
a. That simple fact is enough to
damn hin in these days OF danger
Gus ages. In view of the middle
aged men lately presented to a
tolerant reading public. various fer
nsents may iegitimatsiy be suspected to
be at work within Mr.. Biick. One mid
dle-aged man after another appears,
all hiindly, miserably unsuccessfully
trying to nose out happiness, and the
consequence Is that the ohlique glance
Of suspicion falls on the most recent
recruit to the ranks Of middle-aged
heroes.
1t looks bad for Mr.. Biick, too, that
re ia uublushingly set forth in . diary.
What chance is herel He can
to an exquisite doll, to ladyfs broad
couch in q violet silk cover, to a
glimpse of Natalie's fluffy head sill
houetted against pile of yellow lum-
ber. Sam Blick's daryl Not even his
prosaic name csn save him. Wasn't
Babbitt named Babbitt2
Bnt something did save him-pre-
sunsabfy Stephen holland. Mr.. Blick
has his troubles, but they are not
psycho7pathological. He makes no
dark and secret exploration into the
reeesses of his soul. He is probably
abnormal He makes mons Of the fur
tive excursions into the Fairy Land of
the Second Blooming INDUCED in by
the well-balanced, average, middle
sged man of to-day's fiction. He rises
to the zenith Of ecstasy, and sinks to
The nsdir of despair, but not on an
erotic roller coaster.
Sam BIick is the answer to a ques-
tion thaA has bobbed up in at least one
readers mind--must middle aged
man be blind groper after beauty in
order to enter the literary lists of the
year? That answer is firm negative.
When | read the jacket copy on Sam
Blick's Diary" it seemed that no book
dealing with such person as Mr.. Biick
was Indicated TO be could be the sort
of book that the biurb writer insisted
It was. Diaries nowadays are asso-
ciated with thoughts of introspection
and the subconscious, or sometimes
with intimate revelations of the con-
temporary great. Could diary of a
middls-aged man live up to such state
ments of the publisher, as these:
graphically real---and as funny-as a
snapshot of family reunion. Sam
isn't trying to be funny; be Is trying
to be truthful. He is plain American
citizen, setting down the incidents each
day at home and Office"
It has become SO much the fashion
to quote jacket copy for the purpose
Of pointing cut iSs inaccuracy and gem
eral windiness that I hesitate to put
myself quite out of it by approving of
this copy. Nevertheless, that Is what
must do it am to be honest. 1t is
fair and true. The comparison be-
tween the diary and snapshot of a
family reunion seems as apt as any
thing I can think of at the moment.
That elassifes Mr.. Blick and his
diary as far as 1t Is possible to pigeon
hole book SO out OF the ordinary in
It's method and matter. 1t is realism
Of sort, but not gray, unhappy real
ism. 1t Is more real than that. 1t Is
real In the manner of Mr.. Briggs's
Mr.. and Mrs. 1t has insight, humor,
flashes of mild irony and calm, hyp-
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

for period OF seventeen years, then
fight him. interne him and have him
give dinner party at Doorn, Holland,
on November s, 1929. and be mentioned
by me this morning: The Kaiser de
"eentiemens aereemept5 gre eupsnas are On come ene
plete refutation of all those who were
impelled, during the war, to find the
reason for the entry Of the United
States In certain military acts on the
part Of Germany, for instance, the
Lusitania. case, the expansion of u
boat warfare, ETC."
That, however, Is old stuff. The
truth, seems to be that President Will
son had become so snfuriated at hav-
ing to read Schiller In high school that
he transferred his hatred of Wilhelm
Ieil to our hero and resolved, with
some violence to the fiction, that some
day, God willing, he would get the
Kaiser upstage and miss the apple.
Another reason for this book review
was King Edward vIrs incorrigible
passion for encirclement This mon
arch was, in fact, the victim OF an
enclrclement complex, psychical ne
cuiiarlty that became the direful spring
OF plenty Of woes, not the least Of
winch was an acute attack of cacoethes
scTloendi on the part of the Kaiser.
When King Edward grew weary of en-
circling around In his own palace he
got up an international encircline
scheme, to wit, the "gentleman's agree
me ,nilent, Tor no reason except pure Eng
,1shness lis and general encirclementivity.
Ahe haiser takes g. just revenge by
writing up his cousins funeral in a
distinctly smalltown literary style.
ihe Kaiser also definitely fixes the
sole blame upon so many other per
sons that I think the situation IL
rather more serious than even he
imaglnes. The only thing I can he
sure OF is that I didn't do it, But'
ana ~ How can I tell? shall have
TO analyze myself all over again. per-
haps consult specialist, to deter.
mine whether some unconsidered sct
OIL mine, some thoughtless word spoken
perhaps in Jest, did not set King I'd.
ward to encircling more wildly than
was was his wont and thus precipitata
1he Kaiser's Memoirs
Be that as it may, The war ia ovsr
now and the book is printed. Jt ;s bnt
just TO state that the Kaiser,s mo IN.
spiration throughout his reipn MOS
great. pure, self-abnegating love FOR his
people and desire to see them uaIi
and happy. For them and them alone
ne built monuments over his ancestors
mad himself sculptured, painted. mas
saged and brilliantined, redecorated
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12

| AM "Ihe New York Times" he
" gavo it different title:
"America and the World
Peace The change to Woodrow
| Wilson and World Settlement" is to
be commended on the score of greater
pertinency and accuracy. Does it also
argue clearing up of the authors
original perspective?
"America and the World Peace was
a misnomer for work dealing, as this
does, exclusively with Mr. Wilson's
activities at Paris. Mr.. Baker tactful-
ly waves aside the broader and moro
perilous question: What had America
the real America--to do with those
activities? Only the peculiarities of
our constitutional system allowed Mr..
He was the single major power negoti-
ator there who did not have a paria-
ment at home behind him. He had
asked the people OF the United States
to give him g vote of confidence by re-
electing n Democratic House and a
Democratic Senate. They baked at
doing so. They distrusted his leader
ship in foreign affairs. They dreaded
the idea OF allowing him free rein in
the peace negotiations.
He had said when he asked for the
vote Of confidence: ~ am your servant
and ] will accept your Judgment with
out cavil." But when the verdict was
rendered he resented it and ignored it
He set up his own will against the
countrys will. He sailed for Europe,
taking with him nobody who repre-
sented the new Republican majority in
Congress. Instead he was accompanied
by shadow associates, whose opinions
h "a 4 Ioi, o,,I ,.,to No ~
as equals but as servitors.
What could the real America have
to do with peace mission of this char
acter? 1t could only deplore the mis-
understandings which Mr. Wilson
created abroad as to his representa-
tive capacity 1t awaited the time when
he should have to submit his work to
the Senate and the people. The results
of that submission are history. The
American electorate in 1920 repudiated
Mr.. Wilson'S treaty even more decisive
ly than they had repudiated his for
cign leadership i'll 1918.
Mr.. Baker has therefore wisely
abandoned the attempt to identify the
Wilson policy with what America policy
should have been and probably would
have been had this country been fairly
represented In the peace conference.
He presents the Wilson adventure for
what it ,was-a personal rather than
national one-a personal failure
rather than national failure.
tragic failure it certainly was
making the peace more unworkable
than it should have been and finally
keeping the United States out of it.
Of what value was a peace which the
United States would reject-and would
reject not because of what the Eu-
ropean delegation had put into it, 3ut
because of what Mr.. Wilson himself
had put into it? That is the final CON
demnation of the Presidents achieve
ment as a peace negotiator.
1t is Mr.. Bakers task to set forth
the conditions under which Mr.. Wilson
labored at Paris and to account for the
fruitlessness of his efforts. The author
went through the Paris debacle as pub
licity agent for the American peace
commission, and his book recalls vivid
iy the political ogres and fantasies of
that spook-rdden period. In his pages
one sees the ferocious Old Diplomacy
pitted against the radiant New Diplo-
macy, European Realism and Reaction
New-York tribune., 1922-11-12
Miss Atkins s pIsys

ZOE AkESS is to have -
plays published this season IL s
Liveright. Two Of the thres nI,sa sss s
the volume--"Declasse," >" In wh;rTSs TSisss Il, &
barrymore appeared, and aT,.s5ls Si'l
Gone AHunting," WITH Na.sa
Rambeau as the star-are ajrssdgss dsssv'ss Y I,
known. The third play. aTSs T, sss
Nightingale" is to be present.s - II.
month with .Iobyna Rowland sa be.i;a s's
the cast. This play has beer fy;sa ;ssas4s ss.s
in Chicago under the title "Gre.ts..Is.s "Gs,a w !,
it IS a comedy dealing with wIs. .
known as the artistic tempers a5q, ,..,l. :
showing four types Of artist--fbs1 1,,ss',s' s.ss,
prima donna, who camc sriylsal.. s.Sl.
from Texas; man whose novels ~t;;,
fine, have never brought him fortaaa'
youth whose poems remind ess !:
Keats, and a famous violinist :.