davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
By Lisle Bell.

you have inflicted upon yourself in
the past, and dope out Just wherein
. change Of scene is any more OK
hilarating than-well. . change Of
underwear.
or course. you have moro horizo'
at the seashore or in the cov~.ry
than you have in the city, ba. tnere
isn't much you can do With . lot
of horizon except leoK at it--and
that becomes monotonous. And
after you've had . lot of horizon
for a couple Of weeks you're snI
ions enough to exchange It for p
little modern plumbing.
So. why not, as We suggest, tax
.your vacation in hand instead o
in reality1
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
Take Your Vacation in Hand

By thus exercising your intel
ligence you will escape with only
2,756,O00 flies by day and 1,465,l31
mosquitoes by night, instead Of
7,472,9O0 nIes by day and S,9s4,O0O
mosquitoes by night-which is a
big improvement.
Similarly. the southern exposure
insures you-on sudden cold nights.
which happen to the best-regulated
cottages-of a minimum tempera-
ture OF three above zero instead Of
two below. as with northern ex-
posure. This ia another great i'm
provement!
Don't fatter yourself that you
need a change OF scene. Look be""
over the string OF vacations llch
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
Choose Your News

joined the Lucy
WI but cling tight their
And those who chance to Fare
Went have In husbands
they're causing much srPriss
coming Con psps) and the tenants all wise
A nifty thirty-dolar Nat
l. only uInsty bucks a that
The new Postmastsr Generals . by Of Work.
But Is not q srsnssr . the patent Office clerk.
Tho postmeu slso 1t
Have known Work closely
now 10 full Of amatsursh wireless fans
you would keep a yeull find 1t
All gossip going through the air
Is grabbed by radios everywhere
Some news a day r .se gave Broadway folk the
Erl.nser Leo Shubsr together a trip
But all the prophets do Porend
The world is coming to end
J.ekD Dempsey h.sa offer 10 fight Dusky Harry Wills
hundred City thousand his share in gold bills
But that's such heavy DOVER
The fight will take Jack half an hour.
Atlantic City bathing rules for Summer have been made
The piece suit usual, 10 banned from the parade
But, the regular crowd Of beauts
Will be there in he piece suits
Copyright 1874 BY Star Co Great Britain Rights Rss''a
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
Rube VS.. Boob
BY De Vaux THOMPSON,

- ONE forever is the old-fash-
T ioned rube who once repre-
sented the purchasing end OF
the sold-brick market and who
thought an automobile was i'm
moral and ought to be suppressed
because 1t scared the horses.
Our old friend used to get up at
o'clock In the morning and creep
up on the oats while 1t was yet
dark and take them by surprise. II
he worked sixteen hours . day
from the first OF April to the first
OF November he made enough to
pay the interest on the old far-rum
and keep the family until the next
Sprins-if nothing happened.
He wore a clothesline gaIlus and
enough whiskers to keep q maj.
tress company going for one day
or to start . Russian revolution OF
moderate ambitions. He represent
ed the remotest outpost OF civiliza.
tton and never heard Of microbes.
sanitation. eugenics, birth-control,
psycho-analysi,. efficiency or nap-
pers.
He thought the telephone was an
instrument Of Satan and that crop
rotation was plasphemous
The rubs OF to-day rises at 5
o'clock. takes . bath in a porcelain
tub and looks out Of the window to
see II his army Of hired men is
working. He glances over the
morning paper, consults tho pri
vate ticker in his home and tele
phones instructions to his stock
broker in New York. He eats q
breakfast prepared by his French
chef and then tries a few holes OF
golf. The menu of tho day 10 cop
iously blessed with yellow-legged
chickens. nsw-laid egys. homo
grown lamb and beef and fruit
from tho vines. The wife motors
10 town IN her own car TO keep her
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
thompson.

social engagements, attend the
opera or visit her manicure and
hair-dresser.
The old man gets measured for Q
new suit BY . hiSh-priced tailor
and then drops into Q salesroom
and buys . now car to give to his
chef.
The big town boob bounces out
Of bed at 8. eats q breakfast COM
posed Of predigested crackers and
pale coffee and an egg that was the
pride and Joy Of some hen long
since deceased. He dives into the
subway and doesn't come out of
the ground until he reaches his des.
tination. He buries himself some
where in a thirty-story office build.
ing and crouches over . desk until
noon, whom he hastens to q one
armed food garage. where he buys
35 cents worth Of indigestion.
Then back to the building until
s. when he dives into the tube
again and gets homo with most Of
his arms and legs still attached,
He gets home to his hundred dollar
apartment, which commands q fins
view Of the sasworks. He eats q
delicatessen dinner. listens to all
the gossip his wife has heard
through the dumb waiter during
the day and goes to sleep when the
monographs and player pianos
will let him.
At 8 o'clock, when he tumbles
into bed, the poor old rube referred
to above Is just beginning the first
toxtrot of the evening at some
body's house party in the neiShbor
hood.
But the rube wouldn't live IN the
city and the boob wouldn't live In
the sticks and they are each sorry
for the other.
That 10 what makes this a great
country.
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
Questions and Answers About CityLife

n What ia the correct method q axicab:
J. Alt depends II It, you can stop II b,
lifting your eyebrows umbrella right you don't
ride in It, the getting tangled up in the wheels
o-What 10 tho purpose Circlei
A convenience for tenants who uptown
downtown without paying their back BY
hsy can
throw tho landlord of the
o-Hew lons docs It take parade a given point!
ATweny minutes . used to the
when there q bar the given point
Q-How electric lights Broadway.
Aust
search for bootlegger
Q-Why there banks n ew York;,
A-To keep bootleggers growing round shouldered
Q-Wby there s booteggers n New York;
AS-To supply outoftown demand
The Washington times., 1922-03-26

fH sEh' says hiia' ~ hssn'
\" botham, that . Congress
man has been missing for
ssveral days and they do not know
where his whereabouts are"
"Who missed him." demands
Quincy Todd.
His family" says Elias q. His-
ginbotham.
Sure" says Quincy. "who else
would"
"His constituency" says Elias
@. Higgintotham.
Tho only time q constituency
ever hears anything about their
Congressman" says Quincy. rs q
few months prior to election and.
also, when they get the Congress-
ional Record containing copies OF
their Congressman's speech, which
he has never made. The leave to
print rule is adopted a great many
years ago. SO the Congressman
won't bore each other to death.
There Is only one man any Con-
sressman wants to hear mike .
speech. Every Congressman has
one favorite orator, and when this
guy is not speaking they are not
interested. And, as nobody else
wants to listen to him. they let
him have his speech printed In the
Congressional Record without be-
ing spoke at all, with plenty Of Zap
plause), (laughter) and (cheers)
sprinkled through It, and when
Farmer Snodgrass. back in Hicks
Centre. gets . copy of this speech
full OF applause and laughter and
cheers, he reads II to his wife
Marthy. and he says, This feller
Whizzlehorse II making q great
reppytytion down there to Wash
ington. D. c. Like As not he'll be
President some day. He has got a
big speech here on the proposition
to drain tho swayze swamp. which
us farmers have been working for
Sure II 10 . great speech. but
this Congressman Whizzlehorss
don't never make II. He prints -.
It's IN the Congressional Record.
but mono of tho other Cons ressmsn
read II. Every ConSrss,man grabs
the Congressional Rsoord ~ soon
~ the nvs1tar edition IL of the
press and he roads tho stun that
has been contributed BY his favor
its author. himself. and then
throws II in the waste.baskst.
why. . Congressman can make
. speech about the end Of the
world or some other important sub
jsct that ought to interest anybody
and tho only guys that get q laugh
out OF II are the proofreadsrs."
But = Congressman ort to bs
quito = important guy" says Elias
Q. Higgtnbotham,
"sure, he ort to be." says Quincy.
"But. IL he, Three or four Of
Them, like Tom Reed and Uncle
Toe Cannon. have got their names
In the papers in the past, and
about two years ago a Congress-
man gets his name in the papers
for a couple of days by eloping
with another feller's wife, but not
by congressing. There is less pub
rcity In congressing than in any
other trade or profession. Some
years ago Connecticut man turns
np missing for eighteen months
ard they search all over for him,
even in Europe and Asia, and they
The Washington times., 1922-03-26

Cogitations of a Cuckoo
HD Hawaiian who passed to h rsvass
or so his friends hope
. liquor n esas
II he has friends.
stead Act
Many is leading Sing Sing
rmm. Goldman want. to com. back So d,d Jim J.nr1e.
ninety year
new furs after
born poor get politics
The money nothing some
people think.
It matches his head.
opera house.
The medssty my lady sak
Climbs upward by dssrssa
In yesrs gone BY
now
s"n "hee'' on tnA|
millionaire has wives He would almost
have to be millionaire wouldn't he!
Report shrinking fro.
dongs land these days
for shooting beaver
meaning the animal not the hat
Rent is monthly home
Fhe Powers al seem to bs willing
Music is not allowed apartment 1880
Of course. nothing to do with jazz
Those who want 90 Goddads roks,
obliged wait in line for their tickets
q Constance married hvs times
begin to II herer really anything in q Name
The Washington times., 1922-03-26

Y]IN6 Q. GIl.LETTE: "ssssty
x nr''"
Hen. Ford, Nobody loves
crank"
A. Mitchell Palmer, It's all
Bosch"
FATTY" Arbucklei "If ever
Join another party It will be the
Prohibition Party"
Charlie Chaplin, Laugh and
the world laughs with you; weep
and ths world laughs at you"
Thos. A. Edison: Nothing to
do till tomorrow"
"Babe" Ruth; "Ev~~s slam IL
The Washington times., 1922-03-26


or four years. Oot an old seed
envelope here with the name of
Hiram Dingledorfer, NJ. c.. onto It.
but It came eight or nine years ago
and / reckon some other feller has
got the Job now"
They are talkin' some now Of
having gold badges made for all
the Congressman. SO some of them
won't have so much trouble getting
into the meeting. Then all q Con-
gresham will have to say is I am
a Congressman. honest to Gawd.
an. See my badge! l been here
for twelve years
"'That's funny the sergeant.at-
arms will say; \ amt never heered
your name afore. But you got .
badge. so / guess you can 90 in
Which It viii be . good thing
to have badges for Congressmen
because It will prevent them max
ing speeches to each other, like the
bootleggers have badges so hey
won't sell wood alcohol to one an
other"
Il zee by the papers." says Elias
Q. HigginbothI-I, that there Is =
move 60 foot now TO reduce the
nurI Der of Congressman by fifty
ner cent and have only half as
many Congressman AZ now"
Which Is . very good plan in.
deed" says Quincy. ut might be
better to reduce 1t by 100 per cent.
But cutting It down half Is better
than nothing, although 1t Is going
10 be very difficult to decide which
half to throw out. No matter
which half they get rid OF they
will wish they had got rid Of the
Ither half.
II hunt around six months ago
until I find the name Of our own
Congressman here In this deestrick
and I write to him and ask: How
do you stand on the anti-smoking &
tobacco idear| and he writes back
through his secretary and he says:
On that sub1eck | stand Just
where l have always stood which
lss very good answer. indeed, In
asmuch as don't remember him
At al or where hs stood on any
thing. But II was quite remarkable
correspondence between me and
him. at that"
How SOY" asks Elias Q. Higgin.
botham.
1T Is remarkable that the mai
srrier found him." says Quincy.
But, 1t is quite a honor to be 9
Congressman after ALL" says Elias
q. Higginbotham. "A guy gets
very famous that way"
Sure" says Quincy; but
weuld like to have you tell me
he name Of eur Congressman to
day"
His names Quigg, amt itf"
mo. Quigg is the guy that hat
It under Grover Cleveland. HI
died fifteen years ago"
"Well, you ort to know who It is
Quincy, you say you had . lettel
from him. Who is he, anyhow"
Let's see," says Quincy. ~ h
scratched his head renectively
burned II ! can just remembe
the name. but I got the letter hom
somewhere. III look It up.T
The Washington times., 1922-03-26
Favorite Quotations of Famous Men
Collected by Len Fleming.

en- Fleming.
Jack Dempsey, Bring on your
6shts sri ,o.r suits"
Chas. A. Morssi Don't give up
the ships"
Wilbur Glen Volivai you've
got to admit the world is fiat
financially"
Mr.. Stetsoni ~Here's your hat
what's your hurry"
Roy A. Haynes: "It looks like
rsln--but | guess It's wool slco-
hol."
Uncle Joe" Cannon: THE FIRST
hundred years are the hardest"
Obrsgon; Hope the u. S. will
recognize me pretty soon or quit
staring" -
The Washington times., 1922-03-26

"Babe" Ruth; "Ev--r slam IL
4 boost s---~
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
VERMONT 18th IN
NATIONAL SHOOT
Showing Much Better Than Was Made
Last Year - Members of Vermont
Team Arrive i'm BrattlebOrO.

Lieut.. Col. John W. Tinker and Capt.
Z. b. Hartwell both of St .Johnsbdry.
and Captain r. B. Miner of Brattleboro
arrived in Brattleboro early last eve
ming from Camp Perry, Ohio. where the
three officers participated in the United
States national rifle and pistol matches
The officers went to the Office of Col.
Ernest w. Gibson. where they made
preliminary report of the shoot and
especially the part that the state of
Vermont played through its representa-
tlves, which included also Pearl T. Clapp
of this town
The officers reported that Vermont
made 29th place out of %, which ac-
cording to Col Gibson is a very good
showing. Last year, the only other year
when Vermont men attended the ma
tional shoot. the record made was 43d
place. Considering the disadvantages
against which the Vermont men were
placed. Col Gibson said that the show
ing was very good. He pointed out that
many other states, like New York and
Massachusetts,, have many regiments
from which to draw rifiemen; and in ad-
ditiOn these states Appropriate consider
able money to train men along these
lines so that the men have practically
months of practice. In Vermont the men
have only little practice at camp, after
which the representatives. are chosen and
they are sent to the national snoot where
their natural ability is pitted against
the well trained ability of men in other
states.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
BOARD OF CONTROL
MAKES VISITATION
bOrO Retreat-Sees Deaf Children
Play and Work.

The Austine Institution for the deaf
received a visit from the state board of
control yesterday afternoon at 4 o'clock
Those present were Gov. James Hartness
of Springfield Col. Ernest W. Gibson,
secretary of civil and military affairs.
of Brattleboro. Judge and Mrs. J. f.
Weeks of Middlebury. Roland f. Stev-
ems of Hartford. Walter F. Scott state
treasurer of Brandon, Benjamin Gates.
state auditor, of Montpelier, Miss
Marion Cane and Mrs Sanford of Mid
dlebury. Frank f. Barber accompanied
the officials.
The visitors did not arrive until after
the close of the afternoon session and
were therefore unable to see any demon
strations of the teaching They did see
the boys playing baseball and the senior
girls at their needlewoTk. They also
visited many of the little children.
After an inspection of the household
arrangements. the members of the board
were shown number of specimens of
the pupils work which received prizes
at the Valley fair this week The
visitors spent about an hour at the insti-
tuition leaving about 81 o'clocl<
The board also visited the Brattleboro
Retreat yesterday.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
FIRE PREVENTION
DAY OCTOBER 9
Governor Issues Proclamation Through
Col. Gibson, Secretary of Civil and
Military Affairs.

Monday, Oct. o. will be Fire Preven-
ton day throughout Vermont and the
attention of the townspeople is called to
a proclamation. issued by Gov. james
Hartness through Col. Ernest w. Glib
son, secretary of civil and military af-
fairs, the substance of which is as fol-
lows:
state of Vermont James Hartness,
governor. \ proclamation:
The prevention of the destruction of
valuable property by fire is a duty which
rests upon each community and its cit
izens This duty cannot be accepted
with Indifference. Since a great ma ajority
of fire losses are preventable through or
dinary care, the necessity for its exercise
should be firmly impressed upon the peo-
pie. Organized community work to pre-
serve property will bring constructive
results.
by reason whereof /, James Hartness,
governor, do designate and set aside Mon
day. the ninth day of October, 1922, as
Fire Prevention day.
II urge that the press of the state, the
teachers in all our schools. Chambers of
Commerce the Boy Scouts Girl Scouts,
Campfire Girls and all similar organiza-
tions give particular emphasis to the
value of the observance of the day and
TO measures to be taken to reduce fire
loss: that the chiefs of all departments
and all officers charged with the enforce
ment of the law see TO it that all dan
ger spots IN their respective communities
are cleaned up; that the officers of each
National Guard unit cause the men
under them to become fully familiar
with their duties in dealing with forest
fires and fire emergencies and that all
our people join on that day in one big
active force to reduce the fire hazard in
each community"
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
MRS. ADA NILES
DIES OF SHOCK
Former BrattlebOrO Woman, Whose
Home Was i'm Palmer, Mass, Was
Sister of e. NJ GOOdenOugh.

News was received here last night Of
the death in West Medford, Mass, of
Mrs. Ada (Goodenough) Niles, 81. of
Palmer, Mass, for many years a resident
of Brattleboro. She had been in Mantle
Conn, several weeks and went to the
home of her daughter, Mrs. John Barthe-
lemes, in whose home she died. to visit
before returning to Palmer. where she
had lived with her daughter, Mrs. Paul
Sottak, about six years. She was taken
i'll Sept. Il and the following Tuesday
sustained a shock. A second shock fol-
lowed yesterday and she lived but short
time, death resulting at Z o'clock last
evening"
Mrs. Niles was born in West Brattle-
boro Jan. -, 1865 daughter of the late
John z. and Alma (Marsh) Goodenough
who lived many years on Greenleaf street.
On March s, 1877, she married George
II. Niles, a native of Halifax. He died
suddenly Nov %, 1915, in Springfield
Vt.), where he was electrician for the
Springfield street railway.
She was member of the First Univer-
salist church and of Protective Grange
Mrs. Niles leaves eight daughters and
two sons. They are: Mrs. Harry Dowley
of Leicester Mass. Mrs. John w Bass
of Taunton, Mass, Mrs. Martin E. Cut
Ter of Clark street, Brattleboro. John p
Niles of Springfield (Vt.), Mrs. John
Barthelemes of West Medford. Mass.
AtlH. Il Itd I1dIDtI VI DtIlbNS II diIS. I1lSll-
land G. Niles of Geenfield Mass. Mrs.
Merrill a. Stark and Mrs Sidney Graves
of Brattleboro and Mrs Paul Sottak of
Palmer. She leaves b grandchildren.
three grandchildren, a sister. Mrs.
L. L. Bass of Bethel, and a brother.
Ernest. NJ. Goodenough, weIl-known elec-
trician of Brattleboro.
The funeral viii be held at o'clock
Monday afternoon at Mitchell's under
taking pa1ors Rev. Edwin p Wood. pas
tor of All Souls church, officiating The
burial will take place in the Niles family
lot in the West BrattleborO cemetery.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
PERSHING REVELS
IN OUTDOOR SPORTS
Vacation on NaushOn Island Over Before
Public Knew of It--Guest
of Forbes.

GOSNOLD, Mass, Sept. 3d.
Almost before the general public
knew it had begun General Perish
ing's vacation ended today. For four
days the head of the army of the
country in the tweeds of civilian
sportsman has knocked about Nau-
shon island or has cruised in small
boats. With him has been a group
of officers of highest rank, guests of
W. Cameron Forbes, former COVER
nor general of Philippines.
At the eastern entrance of Buz-
yards Bay, Naushon is a 7-mile-long
playground. of which Jack Pershing
and his cronies made the most.
Riding on nimble ponies over rutted
trails. shooting black duck and other
fowl, swimming against breakers or
sailing Buzzard's Bay or Vineyard
sound the general was like boy at
play.
He showed he could bring the
black duck to earth from 80 yards
almost as often as he fired.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
RECEIVES
AVIATION THRILLS
Pilot and Mechanic from Vineland y. j.,
Land and Take Up Passengers
To Newport Today.
Especial to The Reformer.)

$685.. PUTNEY, Sept. 30. e
The little town of Putney was thrilled
yesterday afternoon on being chosen as
the landing place for an aeroplane which
circled over the village several times
before coming to a stop in Frank
Howard's meadow on the river road.
1t was about O'Clock when the pilot
of the machine decided to find good
landing place where he and his mechanic
could spend the night, and being i'm
pressed by the suitability of the meadow
on the east side of the town. made a sue
cessful landing there.
The pilot. Mr.. Haynes. and his me-
chanic Mr.. BIinn are from the Nineland
School of Aviation. Vineland, n. j., and
flew from Newark. \. j.. yesterday. be-
ing on their way to Newport, (Ntl,
where they are scheduled to give an eX-
hibition in flying.
After they landed q sizable crowd
gathered and several townspeople,
among whom were Miss Clara Holt, H.
G.. Everleth, Henry Eyerleth, Dexter
Kathan. Frank Howard and Walter
Parker. enjoyed a short ride, flying
verv low over the village.
The young men spent the night at
Putnev Tavern and continued the Jour
nev northward about 10 O'Clock this
morning.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
ONLY MIRACLE
CAN AVERT WAR
Allies In COnstantinOple as
Despondent as British
Authorities
NATIONAL MIND
STRONG AGAINST WAR
Lloyd George Butt of Violent Criticism
-Pasha's Demand That British With
draw Troops from Asia Minor Bar to
Pacific Settlement


LONDON, Sept. 80 ASSOCIATED
Press) The gravely respondent view
held in official quarters here regarding
the prospect of avoiding war with the
Turks is shared in allied military circles
in Constantinople, according TO des-
patches from the eastern capital to the
Associated Press.
NIustapha Kemal Pashas requirement
that the British withdraw their troops
from Asia Minor as a condition prece-
dent to a limited retreat of the Ottoman
forces from the neutral zone of the
straits is looked upon by local military
opinion as closing the door to pacific
settlement Whether this is the final
view of the responsible military heads
does not appear.
If war breaks-and at the moment it
appears that almost a miracle will be
needed to avert it-Great Britain will
enter it under discouraging auspices for
the preponderance of opinion in the ma
tion is not behind the government.
Prime Minister Lloyd George, who but
yesterday was a national hero, is now
the butt of violent criticism.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1922-09-30
CONCESSIONAIRES
PACK THEIR WARES
States Attorney Whitney Receives News
from American Legion Carnival
at Bellows Falls

States Attorney Harold f. Whitney
received notice by telephone from Bel
lows Falls this morning that the con-
cesSionaires at the American Legion
posts carnival at Barber Park which
were ordered closed by the states attor-
ney and Sheriff Wellman had packed their
goods and would ship them away. After
the order to stop disposing of the goods
by the usual method, in which the ele-
ment of chance was a factor. the pro-
priet0rs made an effort to dispose of
their wares by auction, but the sales
were small