davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09

Mrs. Ross writes: $50 many of
my friends kept telling me to use
Blue Ribbon Butter that one day
decided to try it. No one else in the
family knew and when l served it
at the table you should have seen
how quickly they noticed the differ
ence! They all agreed it was the
richest and creamiest butter I had
ever served" Try Blue Ribbon
Butter today and learn how unusu-
ally delicious it is.
17220-9-9-19-2S
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Smyrna Bombarded by Turks

ATHENS, Sept. 9 (By The Asso-
ciated Press)-Smyrna is being bonn
barded by the Turkish nationalsts.
Nine airplanes from the Greek naval
be there arrived here this morn
ing, the airmen telling of their de-
parture from the city under artillery
fire
AS they left the Smyrna airdrome
an enemy shell damaged a tenth
plane which was just leaving the
ground. The machine was unable to
continue and the aviators were ig-
norant of the fate of their comrads.
Smyrna is being evacuated amidst
scenes of great disorder, according
to refugees, 2.200 of whom have ar
rived here.
Panic reigns as the Turks ap-
proach the town, it is declared, and
Greek soldiers are contending 18th
the civilians for places on the out
going ships.
Rioting is reported among the
troops in the Brusa sector in the
north where the Greeks are en-
barking at Eubania on the Sea of
Marmora.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Steel Corn, Denies Report

NEW YORK, Sept. 9.-Reports
from Washington that a conference
was to be held here today between
Ebert II. Gary, chairman of the
United States Steel Corporation,
representatives of the United Mine
Workers, and representative of the
Department of Labor, looking to tt e
end of the coal strike in the Con-
nellsville. Pa, coke region, were de-
clared to be absolutely without
foundation" at the offices of the
United States Steel Corporation.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
KNIGHTS TEMPLAR At ANNUAL
FIELD DAY At ASBURY PARK

ASBURY PARK. Sept. 9.-The
grand commandery of the Knights
Templar of New Jersey, gathered
here 5000 strong, today for their
annual field day.
Right Emminent Sir Stewart wal
ton. grand commander of New York,
was present with his staff, band nd
drill corps.
Grand commanders of Pennsylva-
mia and Maryland were also joining
the New Jersey Knights for their
field day as well as all the past
grand commanders of New Jersey.
A review competitive drill on the
athletic grounds and a parade were
on the program for the day with
reception and ball at the Casino to-
night.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Greeks Eyacuate Smvrn,

SM YRNA. Sept. 8 (6:55 p. NJ, BY
The Associated Press) The Greek
fleet left Smyrna harbor this after
noon. The Greek commissioner of
police planned to embark tonight.
The allies probably will occury the
town tomorrow. Allied and Ameri-
can detachments We're landed at
noon today from the warships for
the protection of the foreign popula-
ton.
Naturalized Americans have been
instructed to leave the town.
Turkish Nationalist vanguards
have been reported fifteen miles
from the city.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
France Fayors Turkish Foothold
ANNOUNCEMENT
BASKETBALL
HALL FOR RENT

The Perth Amboy Five that has leased the NEW
AUDITORIUM BUILDING for the coming and will open
the basketball Saturday. October a. 1922
lowing lineup: "Hank Thomas "Blacke' Regan "Bunk''
Allen, Pee'' Hanson, Charley Sher and Harry Davis
The NEW AUDITORIUM BUILDING can be rented for
Dances meetings. banque fairs etc. by applying at Suite
2O6 Raritan Building Phone 1885. s.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Dancing tonight-Hotel Madison.
Notice to Members of the Congrega-
ton Beth Mordecai and Friends:

The funeral of the late Ivan Jonkler
will take place Sunday, Sept. 10, at
P. M, from the home of his
daughter. Mrs. Blanche ]. slobodien,
109 Market street.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Tradn Name Is Filed

NEW BRUNSWICK. Sept. O.
A certificate OF trade name has been
filed by Greiner's Barber Shop, o!
1SFA Smith street, Perth Amboy
This business is conducted by Joseph
Greiner of 1S6 Madison avenue and
Aurelius B'Atrio of 429 State street.
Dancing tonight-Hotel Madison.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Bankruptcy Petition Filed

NEW YORK, Sept. 9-An invol--
untary petition in bankruptcy was
filed in the United States district
court today against Winthrop Smith
& Company, stock brokerage firm,
one of whose members, DIR. Leonard
X. Hirshberg, was arrested yester-
day on charge of using the mails to
defraud.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
v, 7, COSGRAVE
IS IRISH HEAD
Elected President of Dali Fire.
ann by New Parliament
Other Officers Elected

DUBLIN, Sept. 9 (By The Asso-
minister of local government, was
elected president of the Dali Eireann
by the new parliament. at its inau-
gural session today. The only votes
cast against him We're by the
Labor members.
After the election, President Cos
grave nominated Desmond Fitz-
gerald, as minister of foreign affairs
and Fitzgerald was elected.
The remaining ministers were ap-
pointed as follows:
Home, affairs, Kelvin O'Higg!ns;
local government, Ernest Blythe:
agricultural, Patrick Hogan; indus
try, commerce and labor, Joseph
McGrath.
Dancing tonight-Hotel Madison.
My wife, having left my bed and board.
will no longer be responsible for any
debts contracted by her since September I.
17233-9-9-2t'
STEAM HEAT-Hot water. pipeless fur
mace installed on monthly payments #.
J. Larf'n- as7 Mcclellan st. Tel ~. ~.
Regular meeting Of the Slovak In
dependent Political club will be
held tomorrow night at p. NJ.
at the Holy Trinity Auditorium,
Lawrie Street.
All Republican candidates are
invited to attend.
JOSEPH MARCz,
Secretary.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09

Carpenter work ano Jobbins promptly
attended to- Geo. VI. Thompson. 81 Lewis
St Phone 1409-W.
5476-6-25- We'd Sat-
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
Turkish Cavalry Break Through

CONSTANTINOPL,E, Sept. 9 (By
The Associated Press) Turkish
cavalry units have penetrated to
within twenty-five miles of Smyrna
after breaking through the Greek
front at Alashehr, the ancient Phil
adelphia. say dispatches received
here.
General Dousanis has been ap-
pointed commander-in-ch chief of the
Greek forces to succeed General
Polymenakos.
France Favors Turkish FOOthold
PARIS, Sept, . (By The Associat-
ed Press)-At the peace conference
(Continued on page %
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09

Dancing tonight-Hotel Madison.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-09-09
WEATHER

Cloudy and un-
settled with show
ers lats tonight
or Sunday. Com
tinued warm.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
A GRIEVOUS PLANT.

The sounds Of early morning are the
ones which rack our nerves,
when we're wakened from the sweet
slumber weary mortal 30 deserves:
Perhaps IL Is the baby who cf1es
+. Justify for milk.
others Of that Ink.
Invariably the street cars at that
hour have flattened wheels,
A neighbors. prowling cat IL yowling
rs he homeward steals;
The pestiferous huE-chugging Of
some ones unruly car.
While gasoline pervades the atinos-
phere both near and far.
But the sound above all others which
really takes the cake
echoes doth awake.
we appreciate the early news and
could not do without.
but why, oh! why, at D. m. does he
80 loudly shout
And yell at his co-worker, half way
down the block.
While his little cart ereaks merrily,
laden with his stocks
We admire his CHEEKY whistle and his
energetic spirit,
But so early-we cannot say we really
like to hear it.
All well. II Is the penalty of our in
creasiRK years.
While age peeps DER our shoulder.
with sour sardonic leers
And We wish we. too. were young
again-and had no nerves to rack,
As We vainly close our eyes and to the
window turn our back.
A. AMsDEN.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
CORN HusKINcs.

w. r. T., . Virginia confirm.
reminds ne that corn husl<ings are
IN style and that young people
are greatly enjoying the gather
ings. the refreshments. and the
kissing which tradition permits
upon the discovery of certain
kinds Of ears OF corn.
Some wise old New England
farmers have always planted
goodly quantities OF red seed corn
20 a. TO assure the young people
~ the huskingz the rewards to
which they are entitled for their
industry.
Many years ago Joel Barlow
wrote this about huslring parties:
-rAs IN. % q h-sAi.~ every -s<As g.
A. =: = l.-s -. ever hss,s 9.
Fr s:sk ssa s.r :. ss.sr.i sss hs
WA - ..s z. hs ...ss -.
- vsss = ss1s swest ns1d . priss
IA : o.. Ma s.s s.e~ . ~
- ~. - s...a s.z s-ns -.
W. is.ss. - isssssss srsbsss - -
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

Pop Beau Brumme. But then Uncle Nat wasn't
the Sheikis playmate either.
Uncle Nat had big musaehe that made his look like
bending the handebars of high bicycle His
Adams Apple up and down his neck like trying
to escape and his looked like they hosed to
catch any favoring breeze.
Pop had little eyes that looked like couple of currants
looking for their jelly His had elbow it and his
face full of ngown hairs he had his shaving
soap tooth brush If they entered beauty con-
test it would explode contact
When the movies and the pomp of East
pagodas the glmmer of scmars and the throbbng of
Vaennos love for the Oriental Princess your jumps
like pogo stick But when you looked Pop and Uncle
Gnat nothing jumped but the family cat
love the movies because to me that when ships
go down and men and women struggling for desk
broken oar human hearts at their worst.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

But Pop and Uncle Gnat didn't have in them
and their smiles meant that pair of tens being
tured by three aces.
They awful gamblers and Justice of the Peace
wouldn let them work his farm all Mr. Van said they
were born gamblers
He told mom You can t trust those fellows with money
They re terrible gamblers You could put them in field
by themselves to pitch the hay. And by those two
fellows will trade jackknves seven tines
matter how many times they traded jack knives they
would each wind up with knife apiece Although Pop
didn't have any blades and Uncle Mats didn't have any
handle and between the two of em you might get jack
knife But probably in your ribs.
Pop had terrible temper and he and Uncle Nat would
fight the Presidents message Congress and
smaller res than that Pop Republican right before
anybody handed him two dollars. Uncle Nat Demo
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
LONGING /

"a song. suggested by PAUL
WHITES blank verse in these
columns)>
rss ah lsnsin' ~ 10 SO nah dear ssd
Down IN "Dixisla.d;' dswn in Ala
Ds pseeanlnnles playin, an ,rsund d
cabin shack,
Sets nah heart q achin' an ! wish
dat was hack.
I knows dat T'd Be welcome, m happy
~ could be,
mammy's knee.
home In Ala-bamy,
ole nanny.
rs al lensln' for her hugs. her love,
~ kissing.
But NAH nanny knows, dere's some
thin missing.
30 Pse goin, back to see her-to mah
homeap Ala-bamy
An I'll neDer leave NAH deah ole
Banjes.- dey'ii be strummin'. IN sing
Of Home. Sweet Home,"
III neber from her wander, DeoeR
from her roam.
rss ah goin' back to "Dfxie." 10 nah
home In Aln-bamy,
0esd-by, III say. I'm on nah way, 10
PANsY BusH"
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
By "BUGS" BAER

crat and they used 60 and pop figured that
Uncle Mats vote neutrazed his that it just like
nobody voting atan- ..
So that women have got a vote DOB saws that a man
will vote for Chauncey Depew Naturally his wife will
the other just to make her hair curly and
lot for Bill Bryan. That's vote each and nobody
elected and along comes Boy Scout walking from New
Orleans to Buffalo to do his daily good deed get
home to New Orleans in time for dinner. Pop says he
know what the good deed is but it's probably throwing
cracker crumbs to sparrow with broken feather And
the shrill chirpng of joy from the sparrow will
cyclone OF emotion that will sweep the country and
immigrant the office when he has just been depored
because he didn't have fifty dollars could away
for his income tax.
Well, goodby, and if you get around way again.
amt responsible for hat and umbrellas.
Don't forget to write
(copyrght y
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

tantflizing of all Ventures, they
dressed up like couple of
Zebras and were taken away to
the Second Presbyterian Church.
Later the Reception. with the
never-ending battle between
Precipitation and Powder.
They longed to execute a Sneak
and get away somewhere and
hold Hands and talk mushy.
but Tradition interposed and
dragged them to Niagara Falls.
Leulla and Chester grew up in
a Residence District where the
cast-iron Fountains spouted and
the Colored Jehu driving my
Lady's Victoria wore what was
known in 1881 as a Plug Hat.
HELD SOCIAL POSITION
They belonged to a set which
was carefully governed by the kind
of Label Worshippers abounding
in any Street that had Grille fences
and Cathedral Glass in the Win
dows.
They inherited a couple of Social
Positions.
A Social Position is something
like Pekingese Pup. 1t is. to be
preserved and petted and combed
out and kept from Draughts and
exhibited and referred to. but even
the envied Owner sometimes is in
Doubt regarding the bedrock and
intrinsic Value.
Chet and Lou knew exactly the
kind of Shack that would fit their
Ambitions and Requirements.
They agreed that it should not be
Large, because one of those barn
like Structures never seems honey
and it Is great Care and too
many Domestics are needed.
They preferred Snuggery Just
big enough to keep the Canary
from crowding the Piano.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

~ ACK in the dear old Days
* when the Autograph Album
- outranked a Treatise on
Birth Control, Luella and Chester
sat in a Sea-Grass Hammock, dis
cussing Plans for certain i'm
pending Nups.
''Oh, Chesr' murmured She,
for all this happened back Yon-
der. when the Seminary Sirens
were prone to Murmur instead of
Explode. "Oh. Ches! Would that
we might plight our Troth in
some secluded Spot. far from
the Madding Relative"
Even so." assented the Doom
ed Man.
He was keen for the Omar
Stuff.
So they framed up just the
variety Of Wedding that would
suit them down to the Ground.
After getting the Permit. they
would jog down a Country Lane
shaded by friendly Elms and
spangled with Spring Flowers.
Finally they would come to
q little Cottage set back in a
Bower.
The specifications absolutely
called for a Bower.
Within the cherry Bungalow
they would find a Minister-the
kind getting $500 a Year and the
Tonsilitis.
He was to perform the Cere-
mony in the Open with the
climbing Dorthy Perkinses as
a Background and the Peewees
twitterinS overhead.
No grinning Ushers. no hired
Organist to tear the Lining out
of Mendelssohn: no small town
Comedy by the Rice-Throwers.
After they had settled the
Deails which were the shed
Idyllic Glamour over the most
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

So they took a House which, II
you saw II from a Distance down
the Street, could be mistaken for a
Deaf and Dumb Asylum.
The Ceilings were heavily nodded.
and in the centre of each was a
dangling Chandelier Of intricate
Design and dripping with Crystal
Dewdads.
The Decorations belonged to that
evolutionary Period in which High
Ceilings and Paintings in Oil were
supposed to atone for the absence
of Porcelain Tubs.
Luella and the Pay Envelope
had some definite Notions of what
they liked in the way Of a Com.
missary.
1t seemed to them that the prin-
cipal Idea when leaning on the
Table-Cloth, was to snare some ap-
petizing food instead of merely
getting ones Name in the Papers.
1t fused them quite a bit to be
compelled to Feed themselves un-
der the scrutiny of Comparative
Strangers.
He was never so happy as when
facing a Platterful of something
prepared in a Skillet.
But they could not get away
from the cruel Edict.
The hot Branding-iron of Social
Eminence had burned deep into
the Mayflower Cuticle.
They were elected to su1fer as
sorted Agonies by reason of living
among the Chosen.
HOW THEY HATED IT!
II a Harvard Professor of
Ransipology or some Main Shrek
in the Suffrage Movement, or a
hairy Musician with a goulash
Moniker, or some pale Ex-Journal-
ist who had been careless enough
to write Book. crossed the
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

with Money can do as they please
revealed itself as a grim Dslu-
sion.
The Laws Of the Medes and
Persians were. pliable as Spa
ghetti compared with the unyieid-
ing Ultimate of the moon.faced
Matrons.
Chester heard the Call of the
Woods every summer.
Sitting at his Desk, he day
dreamed Of cool Lakes that never
had been fished.
To wear Corduroys and a Flan-
mel Shirt. to get out in a Row
boat with a Guide who never
heard Of Galsworthy, to taunt the
tricky Bass and induce them to
strike, and stand to land on some
Island enveloped in solemn STILL
ness and build a Fire and have
Fry-that was the kind of an
Outing for which he yearned. and
yearned to no Effect. \
Luella was dead willing to 60
back to Nature with him.
Collecting Leaves and Flowers
hunting up Botanical Names, and
then Pressing the Specimens in
an Unabridged Dictionary would
have satisfied her utmost craving
for Dissipation.
Very often they took imaginary
Camping Trips. sleeping under the
Stars, miles and miles from q
Tea-Urn or q Macaroon.
Nevertheless, Notwithstanding
and in spite Of all these modest
and sane Proclivities. every June
saw them doing the Lock Step
out to q Summer Colony that was
just as restful as the Firing Line.
II Mrs. Beezum pulled a Nov.
ing-Picture Show. then Mrs.
Gazoontz gave a Vaudeville un.
der Tent. whereupon Mrs.
Plazinsky would arouse herself
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
RAISING PUMPKINs

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WILL Z. ,WHALEN.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

Corporation Line, Luella and
Chester were always among the
Angoras who had to put on their
Fifth Avenue Feathers and go and
eat Soup with the Celebrity.
And, Gosh, how they dreaded 1t!
Sometimes they subsisted for
Weeks at a time on Caviar and
Sweetbreads and Artichokes and
Bosom Of Partridge.
Often they wondered If they
would get off by themselves to re-
new acquaintance with Pigs
Knuckles and Spring Onions and
Griddle-C Cakes.
Every Girl who has earned the
title Of Patroness is q Pinkerton
when 1t comes to spotting a Bad
Break or detecting a Fumble.
Among the talcum-powder
Tararas 1t is permissible to play
Tag with any one of the Com
mandments. but the Dear Friend
who pulls a Fau1 Pas gets the
quivering harpoon.
So :. that Luella and Chester,
after coaching themselves for each
Appearance in the glittering
Arena, always came home to lie
awake and try to remember IL
they had gummed up their Aver
ages.
They knew that even the most
favored members Of the Holy Inner
Circle Of Hot Babies drew an oc-
casional Fricassee for stubbing
the Toe.
So they had a reasonable Hunch
that they were getting Theirs on
the OF.
Consequently they read more
Magazines and kept their Fingers
crossed all the time they were en-.
cased in Evening raiment.
The Supposition that People
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
By GEORGE AIDE

and 1901 Torments which had be-
come By-Products Of a so-called
Civilization.
He wanted to wear a Breech-
Clout and sit under a Mango Tree
all day listening to the Parokeets.
II anyone approached to talk
Business or Politics, he would
shoot poisoned Arrows at the Tres
passer.
When he got hungry. he could
pick a Banana, and if he felt
thirsty. he could tap a cocoanut.
Just before he nuttered to the
Beyond, he whispered 20 Luella his
Desire for a Quiet Service without
Flowers and interment at some
sylvan Nook.
The widow conferred with h.s
Business Associates, the Officers
Of Various Clubs to which he paid
Dues. and the Committees from
the Fraternal Organizations, and
they decided that Chester had been
so much of a Public Character
that he was entitled to a regular
Barnum & Bailey Funeral. So
they took him to the Church and
had honorary Pall-Bearers and
Mountains Of Hothouse Bloom and
a special Choir with Voices trained
in Italy.
He was buried on a Hilltop, and
his Resting Place is marked by q
Memorial Shaft resembling q
smokestack that has been white
washed.
Luella has no way of knowing,
but she surmises that, inasmuch
as he always wanted a Harp. he is
now playing a Pipe Organ.
MORAL: Every man Is the
Architect Of his own Fortunes,
but the Neighbors superintend the
Construction.
os~srl~hI Issa, by George Ads.
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

and come across with a Water
Fete, and then the Jinks-Brewst-
ers and the Hooper.Fergusons and
the Watts-Plummers would burst
forth into a perfect frenzy of
Luncheons and Moonlight Dances
and Tableux -Vivants, calculated
to outdo and show up the un-
hyphenated Second-Raters.
MERELY HOUSE GUESTS.
Any time Chester looked out of
the Window and saw q lot of Sus-
picious Characters in the Sunken
Garden. he didn't know whether
they were intruding Sightseers
from the Village or merely House
Guests.
So far az he could make out. the
only difference between his Coun-
try Place and a Roadhouse was
that the Roadhouse closed some
times. -
Why did Luella go about with
her Hair freaked up into funny
Knobs and Ocean Waves? Be-
cause II she had insisted on doing
1t up her own Way. the French
Maid would have walked out and
left her Flat.
Why were they afraid to send an
humble Request to the Kitchen for
Fried Steak or Picked Beets? Be-
cause they could not afford to low
er themselves in the Eyes Of the
24-carat Chef.
Both were Show Fans. They did
not hone for Operas with 20-min.
ute recitative Solos, or Problem
Plays that smelled like the Surgi.
cal Ward or gabby Society Come
dies tinctured with pale Blue.
They liked Ragtime and Soft
Shoe Work and Local Gags and q
Chorus.
Luella's favorite Actor was Fred
Stone and Chester. was always try
ing to find someone who could
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19

tell him more about Nora Bayes.
So when they had picked out a
Night to call on Fred or Nora or
possibly Mcintyre and Heath or Ed
Wynn or Frank Tinney or some
Artist worth while, they would
find themselves in a Box at the
Opera waiting for Galli-Curci to
come on and zip for a couple of
Hours.
Chester and Luella looked at all
the Maps and Folders showing
Honolulu and Singapore and Port,
Said and Gibraltar. and then they
compromised every Summer by 60
ing back to their country home.
"Neurasthenia," where Chester
could sleep with a Telephone tied
to his Ear.
When Chester was about fifty
eight years of Age. with a Trained
Nurse sitting alongside of his Bed,
he would look up at the Ceiling
and figure that he had broken all
the Worlds Records for going to
Places that one does not wish to
visit. eating Stuff that one does
not crave. drinking Fluids that
guarantee naught except Remorse.
buying Tickets for Pseudo-E Enter
tainments Of punk Aroma, and sit
ting for countless Hours among
duh Mortals of uniform Pattern
and incredible Unattractiveness.
He wondered II there was any
thing in this Re-Incarnation Busi-
ness.
Because, IL It happened to be on
the level, he wanted to come back
next time as a Native of some
Tropical Isle that never heard of
Place-Cards and Long Distance
Calls and Drinks containing Yer
mouth and Ladies' with powdered
Wishbones and Crooks who call
themselves Financiers and Report
ers employed en- Evening Papers
The Washington herald., 1922-11-19
A TRICK IN FIGURES.

II. SMITH gives q well-known
trick In figures to ascertain the
age Of yourself or any one else:
Mark down the number Of the
month In which you were born
and multiply by .. To this add
8. Next multiply by 50. Then
odd your age ut last birthday,
after which subtract 365, and add
lis.
The first figure or figures on
the left win be the number Of
the month, the. other figures
your age.