Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-10-04

tAiS w cCC yOu LUZ u iVnk lkitc WHICH
mothers not near"
well, Dad" answered Gwennie
please don't tell mother, bucause she's
an awful dear, but / don't thing she
knows much about bringing up chill.
dren."
What makes you think that?" ask
ed her father.
WELL" replied Gwennie, "she makes
me, go to bed when l am wide awake
and she makes me get up when 1 am
awfully sleepy >"
People who live in glass houses
should not take saxophone lessons.
ARCTIC STUFF.
Those now dashing for the pole will
be exposed to terrific expenses Of
snow and ice."
Il can't shudder over that in this
weather"
A laundress is necessity in famil-
les. Without her mother would never
know what is going on in the neigh
borhood.> AS news service it is the
best.
~ = n n
One way to get line on the latest
in negligee is to consult the fashion
magazines but better way is to wait
for hotel fire.
California legislature enacts a law
to protect the California nuts.
A NIGHT RAIDER
Never ask your husband for mon
ey", counseled the Old Married Wo-
man.
81 never have to-" retorted the
Young Bride, proudly. "Charley is
such a darling: He sleeps like baby
all night long"
Not that it matters much, but the
esteemed Middlebury Blatt informs us
that Will Plank is in Chicago, attend
ing the Lumber Dealers convention.
GROUND FOR SUSPICION
When an unmarried woman of thirty
confesses her age we begin to suspect
that she is engaged to an alleged mil
lionaire
Only those believe in the survival
of the fittest" who consider themselves
the fittest.
SLOW WORK
Well, how's the uplift coming along
Poorly. So few people want to be
uplifted.
''In time of trial." said preacher,
What brings us the greatest COM
fort?"
can acquittal," responded a person
who should never have been admitted.
n y
A newly married man tells us that
his wife bakes the best shredded wheat
biscuits he ever tasted
The latest thing in "boneless fish"
is the fellow who buys oil stock in
company far. far away.
AN EARTHQUAKE PREFERRED
Following a recent earthquake in a
region that shall be nameless, FIVE
year-old Jimmy was sent by his fond
parents to a distant uncle's home
Three days later they received this
wire: "Am returning your boy. Send
me the earthquake"
y n y
"0ur forst misfortunes never hap
pen," says Balzac. do you mean
Mister, that there amt no coal strike
after all?"
- y
FOR FLAPPERS ONLY
Don't powder your nose,
In the public gaze,
Don't polish your nails
In the public ways.
And don't display
Such length of limb,
Don't dress on the street
AS if going to swim.
Don't talk SO much about "him"
and "his."
Don't say so often"I'll say It is"
And don't say "dearie",
And don't chew gum
And then I'll say
The millenium's come.
May we fly in the face Of public
opinion long enough to say that there
are good rnothers-in-law, good STEP
mothers, and widows who remarry
an dmake good wives.
D n
MANNERS AND CUSTOMS
In Turkey they sew up a criminal
in bag.
an this country his lawyer endeav-
ors TO sew up the District Attorney"
y n - n
SHUCKS
Say, Doc, didja hear about Mrs. |
Smithkins givin Bill the dickens when |
she caught him with his typewriter |
on his lap7
Nawl Yuh don't sayl
Yeah He was cleanin' It with her
toothbrush