The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1922-08-05
BY DANIEL MULLER.

Last Tuesday night at 1859 D. M
when was returning from The State
Journal building where 1 had been
watching election returns anxious to
see whether the teaching profession
would have to suffer some more
smokelesS years or whether the ban
hooded person. I trembled and Of
fered to hold up my hands. I was
| informed, however, by this mysterious
person that his name was Clyde Util
and that he stopped me with the pur-
pose OF introducing me to some mem
bers of the mysterious order of Claim
That You Got What You Amt"
Walked to r. /. Tracks.
At first I was rather reluctant but
| the solemn hood from out of which
| the urgent suggestion came with sin
| certify helped. me to decide to go and
risk all, even the information I was
| taking home about the smoke scream.
! We walked north, then west, then
| north, then northwest, then down hill,
then northeast, then we saw immedi-
| tracks and the reflection of the-starry
1 sky in the water OF the Kaw river.
fWe turned south and were soon face
to face with a small, moss-covered
door set in n brick frame which was
plainly visible by the white light radi-
ating from the hood worn by Clyde
| Util He knocked five times and told
me to do likewise. I did The door
ately after admitting US it was closed.
We were in darkness excepting for
| the light radiating from the hood of
Mr.. Util. We walked southwest and
south and encountered an Indian
I blanket curtain which was pulled to
the side for us and we entered after
giving the password, which cannot
reveal without violating an oath of
Claim That You Got What You
Amt"
We were now in large grotto in
the center of which was a moderate
sized banquet table, beautifully dec
GRATED with printed circulars and long
rows of figures tabuIated, the sum
total of which was invariably in red.
We waited at a measured distance
from the table until we were inter
viewed by a gentleman on whose cap
was the following inscription, 'I Am
General Dick Supreme Immedi-
aately to the right of the word SUI
preme there was a red question mark.
After a short whispered conversation
between Genera1-Dick-Supr and
my abducting friend Util, we >ad-
vanced towards the south southeast
end of the table where we stood face
to face with the host who impressed
me as being great man. Not a pro-
fessional man because he did not have
enough hair nor laboring man be-
cause he was not sunburned nor
grease be-sneared. A doctor? Yes,
Yes. 1t soon dawned upon me that 1
was right. He had a wonderful vo-
cabularfy of forceful English. and he
loves dog.
General Dick Supreme.
BY way of introducing Clyde and me
to the host, General-Dick-Supre
said something like this,
Gentlemen, you newsstand before
his honor, the Capitol H, greater than
whom there is none. He protecteth
Ill. H. AzI
with capital and for capital; he be-
getteth heat for those VINO desire not
to freeze; he dispenseth order3 he
bringeth forth fuel from under the
earth; and he maketh the wheels of
industry to grind the opstfnacy out of
those who are so possessed he called
the militia; he imprisoneth friend and
foe alike tho his heart breaketh; yea,
St Lawrence to Chicago; he loveth his
dog"
we were then given the cue to bow
before the great protector, who pro-
tecteth those, etc.
We bowed, and behold the host
arose and spake as follows:
Gentlemen, YOU are welcome into
this state under my protection, and
into the presence of the august and
active members of the ancient and
recognized order of Claim That You
Got What You Amt Pray allow
me to give you assurance of subStan-
tIaf protection ana ABUNDANT employ
rnent while you enjoy the privilege of
being in my presence and in that Of
my friends. to whom I snail now in
troduce you. Indeed, you are fortu-
when I am about to crown dearly
beloved friend, my fortunate sue
cessor." -
Meet Fred Saline.
Gentlemen, be pleased to meet my
dearly beloved friend, Fred Saline, the
CT Of tha daV
possesses the most powerfully focused, |
microscopic mind of all of my dear
friends. He has brought about the |
greatest demolishing of combines
of my congregation. He has allowed
me to permit him to hold divers po- !
sitions at the same time in order that
his microscopic genius could be util-
lied in many forms. I admire my
friend Fred Saline, and I might have
wiIled him my doghouse and my blue |
grass farm were it not for the fact
that he INDUCED in such unspeakable
vulgarity as to slahder my hound, In
buster. Claiming that ne is undersize,
and that he does not bite ali Corners, |
and he verify underestimated the
crops I am to receive from my blue
grass farm. I, therefore. shall let MIN
proceed with his dinky fad of nick
naming my dog"
And gentlemen, my dearly beloved
friend, whom you see seated directly
on the left of Fred Saline is Billy Fair |
view. and he have worked hand in |
hand for a number of years, diligently |
promoting each others downfall. He
has destroyed some of my pets and
has made many attempts to cripple |
others. I have therefore decided to |
let him travel on muddy roads, with /
nary a pang of computation in my
noble heart. 1 love him? Yes.
shall let him travel On his muddy
roads for he is exceedingly indifferent /
in attitude toward my dog, Induster."
Gentlemen, now allow me to intro
duce to you my dearly beloved friend
who sits on the left of Billy Fairview.