South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1922-02-05
Widow Says
By Helen Rowland

WIDOW, suddenly q T / n e
- through the crowd of after
noon strOllers. 20 mount a penny-slot
Weighing machine, II want to see If
I'm perfect lady"
80 long as you look. and behave
like ono" began the Bachelor.
That has nothing to do with il,
Mr.. CUTTING" and she stepped hast
lily off the scales before the Bachelor
could get near enough to see what
It registered I'm two pounds the
wrong side Of perfection. Rice pud-
ding with cream Dear me. 1t takes
all ones spare time. nowadays, just
keeping ones hair bright and curly
ones teeth white and pearly. and
ones figure slight and girly,"
Yes" agreed the Bachelor, with
a sigh. Now it's the fad to be a
living skeleton. the good old art of
Epicurius has lost all its fascination
Nobody but the starving Russian
really enjoys his food. Dinner parties
are an agony Of se}f-denial and self
reprOach. Every time YOU put a
tempting mOrsel in your mouth, you
think OF your waistline. and get
to reducing exercised"
Nonsense" protested the Widow
with a laugh "A man can enjoy his
golf twice as much, now that ne can
make a virtue Of a luxury and duty
OF a pleasure-now that he has
real excuse for getting out on the
links when he ought 70 be at the Of
flee. All a man needs to do anyhow.
Is to keep himself down to respect
ably decent proportions, and he can
think Of himself as a combination
pollO-philOsopher and stole. But
wOman's fate is harder If she
gets her hips and her waistIine down
to the popular attenuated dimensions
her ankles are ruined for short
skirt. and her cheeks are cavernous.
BY the time she has starved and
dieted and banted down to her rid
ing habit, she has TO begin fattenins
up to her dinner gown. Life. for a
woman. is just one long lodging from
hunger strike to forced feeding. now
adays," and she sighed bitterly.
"Oh. well, sugg ested the Bache-
Tor comfortably. why not just let's
grow fat and happy-and be done
with it, Why should all of us be
struggling desperately to look like
little boys and girls?'
Il do" declared the Widow 81
should never marry any other kind!
They're comfortable and good ma
tured and Iivable. 1 like plump, spa
ciOus looking mothers. and little,
Jolly. roly-poly grandmothers. and
fat, generous looking cooks, and
plump. easy going husbands-"
What nonsense" broke in the
Bachelor. NOBODY loves a Eat
mani"
Il do" declared the Widow "I
should never marry any other kind!
There IS something solid and-and
and reliable about a fat man. He
looks as though he would stay put
You almost never hear Of a Fat man
or OF fat woman getting a divorce"
Perhaps. they haven't the energy
scoffed the Bachelor. They can't
get about quickly enough 10 have
tantrums and throw things"
Not at all" persisted the Widow.
It's their good-natured and cheer
fulness that MAKES them fat"
And then their fat keeps them
good natured and cheerful. 7 see"
And besides, went on the Widow
when a man prefers his meals 70
his figure and TO his personal
charms. it's a sign that he has set
tied down and given up the love-
chase"
What a pity YOU couldn't have
met Henry VIII or Faistaff or some
OF those reliable. substantial old
50ys!" exclaimed the Bachelor
mockingly.
"A fat husband" continued the
Widow, ignoring the thrust. is easier
TO feed than an anemic one. He
hasn't any nnicky ideas and dyspep-
tic troubles. He has gotten all or
the acid out OF his system. He sleeps
soundly and quietly nights. instead
OF proving about the house. looking
for the vsrnOal. His nerves are we'll
insulated and his disposition isn't
wired. and his conscience is clear
Nero was fat" interposed the |
Bachelor laoonically.
Perhaps" admitted the Widow. I
but I'll bet Bluebeard and Machia-
velli and Don Juan weren't. And as
FOR the wicked women OF fiction and /
history. from Cleopatra down. they /
have al been willOwy. scrawny, /
snake-like creaturesi"
so have AL the saints and the
spirituelle heroines," rejoined the /.
Bachelor. "Avoirdupols has abso- /
lutely nothing 20 do with the SOUL" I
Well marry a woman with a I
soul n YOU want to-" Knocked the I
Widow. put a life mate should be /
chosen FOR his disposition-and the /
best dispositions come wrapped in a /
modicum OF flesh"
Hear. hear" cried the Bachelor. /
hailins a taxicab and giving the ad-
dress OF a famous restaurant. Tets /
90 and eat cur souls away. Let's
steep our delicate sensibilities IN
roast fowl and cream sauce, Let's
give our eOnsoiences a night on. Eat,
laugh-and grow fstter,'
Wen" agreed the WIDOW, weak
ening Just this once Our good
natures will make US fat. some day,
anyhow"