The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-01-26
BEATING !: Old |. ] ACE
Cash Miller Has a Scheme That
-. 81
Really Appeals.
Pass an Amendment Prohibiting Birth
days, He Says, and the Rest 10
.~-,s. 4 Simple Matter

81 see 4 lot of dope in the pa pers
lately about. people, liyin' to a ripe old
age" observed Cash Miller Of the
chain cigar store as he submitted
handful of tempting Havanas for the
approval Of the Old Customer, says
Thrift.
Yes, I believe the tendency Of the
times is toward a longer span Of hui
man life," replied the Old Customer
xravely. ..
Seems surprisin'." continued Cash,
show many people there are in this
country today that knowed' Washing
ton. l was readin' bout one gay
young blade out in Kentucky who says
he's forgot whether he's 100 on the
:s0th er 100 on the Goth, but. anyhow,
he says, l feel jest as young as l
ever did, il not more SO, and my only
physical defect, he says, is dandruff.
AN there's another one in Missouri
that started his present remarkable
output of whiskers, when the kerosene
lamp was considered more or less Of a
doubtful experiment, an he says he
amt lost a nights sleep since the cleo
ton, Of Andy Jackson, exceptin' when
he was teethin' fer the third time.
An up in New England there's an
other one of, these here boy wonders
Jest roundup into the full glory Of his.
124th year. Expects to begin Shawn
an git into long pants before long
ROW. Says he's smoked all;hts life an
saved the coupons, and from the way
he's feslin' now he's plannin' to turn
'em In fer .veelosypede.' An there's
a lady down South some'ers that ! see
claims her favorite outdoor sport is
raisin' century plants an the. first
hundred years she saystis the hardest,
an she amt seen sick day since she
was in her first teens. ~ - = D
"They're. 4 lot more see referred
to In surprised accents by the papers,
Will, pictures and 4 complete confes-
sion of how they done it. But the big
hero Of 'en all. the. guy that makes
the oldest inhabitant today look like
a babe in arms .cryin' fer, papa's mus
tache, was the late Mr.. Methuselah,
author Of darling / am CROWN old.
"AccOrdin' to my line Of dope the
main thing most Of the. people in the
world is tryin' to do today is beat the
record hung up by HIM"
6 ""Well, / think there's An element IF
truth in what you SLY admitted the
Old Customer. ). -
Listen. We're all tryin' to beat
the old.age game Why are so many
women havin' their hair amputated
at the second joint, and show.casin'
themselves in dresses that's soin' to
make the next, generation resort to
the use Of stills fer to hold onto mani
mas skirts? An. why do we see SO
many members of the -sterner sex sud
denly break out in high-school scenery
an almost natural hair dye? Yes,
everybody wants to be Methusaleh the
Second, an they's only one way to do
it." - ! 49, I ~...
"How'S that?'' ~ i>
''Have them birds in congress pass
a amendment prohobitin' all birth
days after the FIRST Now, II I amt
got no way Of KNOWN how old l am,
I'm Jest as young as kid myself an
the world into believin' 1 AM. An I'm
tellin' you, Percival, that I'm goin' to
keep right on, helm as much like 4
whoopins infant as I, Kin git away with
till at last my turn comes to git fiat
| tened out by.a motor truck. Cut out
| birthdays an every mans AZ young as
every other man, an every woman's
younger than every other woman. It's
4 lie systena On hunanits ,s helm cryin'
fssiiike q thiaf ii the night