davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
LARDNER WEEKLY LETTER
LARDNER'S 1922 RULES FOR WAR

To the Editor:
Maybe some OF my readers will
recall how the writer was sent to
Washington early in November TO
see that the boys got a good start in
theil9 disarmament conference which
begun down there about that time
and l hung around there about a
wk. and everything looked CHEEKY
and bright and it looked like the
boys was in ernest and didn't need
nobody to watch them so l come
on home and left them to their own
devices. Wei it is beginning to look
as if ! come home too soon.
As / understood it at the time, the
reason for all the nations getting to-
gether was to see if maybe they
wasn't some way to fix 1t so as we
wouldn't have no more war or at
lease, lesson the danger of hayeing
the same. And that is what the boys
started out to do, but in the last
few wks. as near as | can make out
they been devoteing their tension to
preparations for another war and
what laws is going to govern con-
duct of same and you would pretty
near think it was the annual meet
ing of the intercollegiate rules COM
mittee to discuss changes for next
yr.
Like for inst. Asst. Coach Root of
the L. S. team has made 2 sugges-
tions which it looks like they would
both be adopted namely:
% that submarines mustn't attack
nothing but war ships and,
CD that they can't no nation from
now on use poison gas.
These has been agreed on by the
other members and are suggestions
which meets with gen. approval
throughout the civilize world. But
how are you going to enforce same
is another question. According to
Mr. Roots dope the submarine that
shoots at a merchant ship viii be
looked on as a pirate and the nation
that uses poison gas is dirty out
law. But the people that done both
them things in the last war was
called a whole lot worse names than
that and never batted a eye.
PENALTIES TO FIT CRIMES
What the boys needs first of ali
is suitable penaltys for vioaltions OF
the rules both new and old and Sec
ondly they need somebody TO see
that same is carried out and If ] was
running the meeting down in Wash
ington / would appoint Tiny Max
well and Walter Eckersau and w.
G. Crowell and Tom Thorp, Harry
Heneage and etc. and assign them
to the next war and leave some of
them set in a boat out in the ocean
and handle the Navy game vile the
others officiates in No Mans Land
and l would tell them to see that the
rules was lived up to and would give
them a handy book of same with the
new rules listed separate like as fol-
lows:
Rule XIV.
No submarine shall shoot at any
ship other than "a war ship belonging
to a opponent.
Penalty
Submarine must come up yards
closer to the surface.
Rule XVI
Neither side shall use poison gas
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
Coming Back, Eh?


NOGALES A young Tucson man
here for the good roads convention
, had a narrow escape from injury
about 10 o'clock last night, follow
ing the banquet at the Cosmopolitan
Cafe, when he attempted to make his
car jump the arroyo in Nogales, So
nora. Although going at rapid rate
OF speed, he was not travelling quite
fast enough to manipulate the big
leap. When he came to a standstill
one front wheel was hanging over the
side of the arroyo and the front OF
the car rested on the concrete WALL
Herald
Charge Illegal Butchering
PRESCOTT - Frank e. Howard
and w. l.. Hostetter of Clarkdale
yesterday were bound over on bonds
of $4,000 to await action of the supe-
rior court in their cases. They were
brought here yesterday charged with
having illegally slaughtered cattle,
and were given preliminary hearing
yesterday afternoon before Justice of
the Peace C. H. McLane, in the JUS
tice court.-Journal- Miner.
Find Picket Guilty
GLOBE-F'rankie Quann, picket for
lilC w OlhGAo WIN AOA
some time has been on duty before
the Saddle Rock cafe, was found
guilty of disturbing the peace by a
jury in the police court yesterday
five minutes after the case had been
put in its hands. The specific act
charged against the union woman
was calling Charles See a "scab
when he entered the restaurant on
January IS. The defendant had de-
manded a jury trial when arraigned
Saturday before Police Justice Moore
Record.
Continue Dope Campaign
UCSON-Actively continuing the
campaign against peddlers and users
of dope, the police department placed
under arrest as vagrants late Tues
day afternoon, two men who are also
alleged to be habitual users Of mar
cotics.
G. w. Childs and Charles Trizd
were arrested at 4 o'clock Tuesday
evening by City Detective Jesus Ca
macho as vagrants and booked at the
police station as dope fiends.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
NEW PLAY PLEAsEs LONDON

Clemence Danes play, "A Bill Of Divorcement,"
was successful in America Her new play, "Wi
Shakespeare" has been a real Knockout in London
and one wonders what America will think of it.
If this dramatic biography Of Britan's great poet
is accepted in America in the same way the bio
graphical drama of Americas great emancipator
Drinkwaters abraham Lincoln was accepted in
England, then "WH Shakespeare" will have a long
in the states.
At first there much adverse comment over
the play in England, thought it indicated
Shakespeare as the murderer of Kit Marlowe 1t was
a curious episode, showing the Importance of stage
arrangement which led to this false impression. The
truth is that in the scene, written and played
Marlowe stabs himself, but in the early perform
ances, although it was played exactly as the manu-
script directed the position Of the actors the stage
and their quick movements quite deceived the audi
ences. To all except those seated at certain angle
it appeared though Shakespeare held the knlre.
AT last stage arrangements altered to
able all to get the view to the false
impression.
Philip Merivale, who takes the Shakespeare role,
makes the part extraordinarily human
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
BY RING w. LARDNER

Penalty
Loss of I2 the distance to the goal.
Rule XVII
No regiment may replace another
without the regiment thus SUBSTITUTE
ing first reporting to the referee.
Penalty ......
For not reporting-Loss of 5 yards.
For new regiment communicating
with old regiment before reporting
to the referee, loss of IS yards:
Rule TX
Gunners must all be behind the
gun when gun is fired. ....
Penalty
The gun shall be fired off again
from a point yards further away
from whatever they was shooting at.
Rule XXI
No soldier of the side which is
going over the top shall be in mo-
ton towards the opponents trenches
before the signal is given.
Penalty
Loss of yards from the point at
which he started.
Rule XIV
They shall be no coaching either
by generals or other persons not par
ticipating in the action.
Penalty
Loss of IS yards by the side for
whose supposed benefit the offense
was committed. The offender shall
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
Curl confiners

There more kinds of organizations in this
country than an unimaginative man could dream Of
We supposed that only the important businesses
had been associated but find that they been
divided and subdivided again and again, the most
minute subdivisions being associated.
Last week there met at the Hotel Pennsylvania
New York. one-to us. The Hair Net Associa-
tion of America in session for days at
that hostery, summary of their deliberations being
conclusion that curl confiners to be bigger this
season than they have been in the past.
Women's heads we learn are bigger nor do
they grow hair than formerly but the wearers
of nets demanding greater freedom than they
to enjoy. Congress and the people large have
what they could in this respect in the Nineteenth
Amendment, and it remains for the Hair Net
Association Of America to complete the emancpa-
ton of women.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28

and one which during the past year
has cost taxpayers thousands of dol
lars in this city, is the continued
pillaging of vacant houses by thieves
or boys with a perverted idea of
pranks.
Complaints have been numerous;
there has been much petty thievery
it is reported, and in many instances
heavy damage has been done to idle
residential ty.-International
New Students Enroll
TUCSON-Forty- one new students
have enrolled at the University of
Arizona for the opening of the sec
ond semester on Feb. /. it was stated
at the registrars office yesterday.
This number includes four China
men, two Russians and one Mexican.
There were 1916 students regis
tered in the first semester.-Star.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
GIRL MAYOR WARS ON HoocH

Dr. Amy Kankonen, the 23-year-od girl who was
elected mayor of Fairport, Ohio, did not wait until
her term of office began start fighting booeggers
She was elected dry platform and before and
since election has been making relentless war on
the makers of poisonous hootch
Miss Kankonen says all whisky is poisonous, par
tcularly the brand made by amateurs She main
tains laboratory of her own and has made many
tests of brews Miss TIankonen is physician, grad
uate Of the Womens Medical college OF Philadelphia
and member of the army volunteer medical corps in
the war
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
@. Where is shoroditoh in Lon

G. Where is shoreditch in Lon
don? F. J. q.
A. The borough of Shoreditch IS
Immediately north of the city nue.
leus of London In Shakespeare s
time, the two theatres of London
were in Shoreditch. The name was
probably derived from that of Sir
John Shoreditch. who lived in this
locality in the reign Of Edward III.
@. How much of the Potomac
River belongs to the District Of
Columbia? j. w. M.
A. The District Of Columbia ex-
tends to the shore line on the Vir-
ginia side. so the entire river belongs
to the District for the length of its
boundary.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28

be excluded from the neighborhood
of the field of battle fer the remain
der Of the war.
Rule XXVI
Nobody shall attempt to crawl af-
ter they been shot down.
Penalty
Loss of yards.
Rule XXVII
Rule XXVII
In case Of accident to a participant,
one representative of his army may,
if he has first obtained the consent
of the officials, come on TO the field
of battle to tend to the injured man.
This representative need not always
be the same person.
Rule XXVIII
No person not takeing part shall
be allowed to walk up and down No
Mans Land.
Penalty
Loss of both legs
Rule xxx
Upon one nation declaring war on
another, the other nation must be
ready to fight within months after
receiving said declaration Of war.
Penalty
Forfeiture Of the war.
RING w. LARDNER-
Great Neck, Jan. 27.
Copyright, The Bell Syndicate me-
1922
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
II EFT z R S
IL To the Editor

Resolution of Appreciation
Phoenix, Arizona.
Editor Arizona Republican,:
The Phoenix w. c. T. u. I'm it's
meeting held Jan. 10, adopted reso-
luton Of appreciation OF your recent
editorials and those throughout the
past month relative to the dance halls
and the operations of the bo0tleggers
Sincerely yours,
Mrs. Ethel Sutherland. Sec'y.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28

Some curious person has asked Can a man love
two women?" Certainly he Mans instincts
polygamous, but they are held in check by the laws
and convention and the changed attitude of women
toward polygamy Yes. love two
until one or both of them find it out
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
A SENSITIVE SOUL

did you have much success with Better English
week in Chggerville?"
NO" said the editor OF the Chggerville Clarion
Our millionaire is a self made and he seemed
to take it as personal affront. nt.'-Brmingham Age
Herald
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28

Every 20 minutes of last year accident oc-
CURED on the streets of New York city.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28
SATURDAY MORNING.. JANUARY IS. 1922

As long as zoe aVork on Gods line
He mill aid us. When aOe attempt to
aDork on oatr, oaon lines, He re6ukes
4s. -Cuyler.
Arizona republican., 1922-01-28

No submarine shall shoot at any
ship other than "a war ship belonging
to a opponent.
Penalty
Submarine must come up 5 yards
closer to the surface.
Rule XVI
Neither side shall use poison gas
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
CONNFCTTCUT PATENTS

The following were issued January T.. 1922. List compiled al offices of Wooster x Davis Bridgeport, Con necticut:
 Margaret NJ. Maxwell. Bridgeport garment clasp; Donald Noble Bridge port. gear-shifting mechanism; Rich ard J. Wynkoop, Bridgeport, photo gra phic-printing machine; Frank c. Spencer Hartford, drill press; Egisto Clinquini New Haven. Spring-leaf spreader and lubriCator; Rollin c. Lewis, Stamford, dial lock; Carl O. Noack, Stamford. folding typewriter; Stanley l.. Fisher. Chester, expression valve for player pianos; Stanley l.. Fisher, Chester, player piano; George R. Long. Waterbury. push-button faucet; Charles Perrottf. Waterbury, pencil: John M. Boryk, Ansonia, lock- George G. Going, Middletown. type writer; William A. Gordon, Shelton machine for refining rubber; John C. Ringe, StratfOrd. sewing machine: Charles w. Svenson, New Britain driving mechanism for speedometers
 Designs.
 Joseph BaslaSki, New Britain. stove ring litter.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
Oe ) D Re1d co
LSnkIsk<9 NG5x-

to external relations. Normal rela- tions are thrown completely out Of gear by the procedure just stated
 An intimate feature of the common cold is catarrn, inflammation of the mucous membranes of the nose and throat. Some catarrhs have a ner- vous relation. People nervously ex- hausted-neuraSthen apt to get a catarrh in the fall and not be rid of it until winter is well past Such folk will have a nervous catarrh sim ply from the apprehension of catching cold
 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.
 Eirthmark.
 am a young girl and have a birth
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
Health Talks
 Rx JOHN B. HUBER, AM; MID.
..Happiness is responsibility
CATCHING COLD.

As our forebears, who first got the Inack of building houses, found them comfortable and conducive to ease if not to dignity, they became enerVafeo by constantly rebreathing their own poisonous exhalat1ons, mingled with those of their family, their boarders and such animal friends as they could not bear to see suffer in the raging elements without Then coughing and sneezing, by which particles or s5erm-laden material were dissemi- mated, helped infecron along consid- erably-
 Next came the fetish about night air: so that sleeping rooms were kept dramatically sealed Bedroom win dows are even now. despite all the fresh air propaganda nailed down come November. and kept so (when properly they should be nailed up) until March, or even April- And yet, winter and summer, what air has the good Lord given us to breathe at night, if not air?
 Then people came more and more to overburden themselves with clothes, in which they would collect germs, that would thus be added to the as-
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

sortments already existing in the house. True. most germs cannot live for any length of time outside the nv ing animal most" And yet one can not be sure that the germs in ones clothing are always dead ones. And let him who thinks his overcoat is germ-free. because 1t Is well brushed, the result
 A very great factor in catching colds is the disturbance of the body's equilibrium by passing from the su- per-heared home where one gets into a precipitation. into the freezing open Healthy living is the constant and right adjustment of internal relations
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
M } D Redd co
LSaHsSsS AU

mark on my chin. It covers nearly one-haaf~ of my chin and is covered with hairs nearly an inch long. It Is very brown in color. The hairs were not on when I was born, but have grown there since, which makes it that much worse. Do you think it would be dangerous to have it re- moved? It is very embarrassing to be out among a crowd Of strangers and have them staring at you. Mother is afraid to let me have 1t taken off as I am sick half the time. Do you think later on it would turn to cancer to have it removed? I am A years old now.
 Answe-The hairs can be removed
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
FAIRFIELD

Fairfield. Jan. 21.-A merry battle Is looked for in Fairfield when the town attempts to take the top posi- tian on the electric light poles of the United Illuminating Go. for it's fire alarm vii es. The fire alarm wires ara now below the Electric Light company's wires and the expert from the company that installed the aalrm system said that tho wires of the Elec- tIic Light company caused short circuit and put the alarm out of order.
 The town maintains that they are emitted to the top position because of a state law to that effect. The United Illuminating company maintains that they put up the poles and that they could charge the town of Fairfield for the right to use the poles. They also say that the town has it's fire wires on their poles without consent.
 One plan put forward is to run the fire wires underground with the Tel ephone company's wires or reat the cable from the Telephone company because the cost of running a sep arate able would be too much.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
I'm The Good Old Days Of Dear Old Bridgeport
By JULIAN H. STERLING
With An Introduction By Elida Bedel1 Sterling,
 Formerly of the Times Editorial Staff.

Everybody a any is her
  $ or   So if the reader will permit these writer  will herself a bottle his former per~world
 
 
  knowledge 
  detail his is to Brid and a  desire
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

ter staying at home to do it. I have told number of friends what it has done for me and give you permission to use my letter as testimonial. Mrs. JESSE PETERSEN, Route 1,Jasper, Minn.
 There is no better reason for your try ing Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com pound than this--it has helped other women So if you Suffer from displace- ments, irregularities, baclzache, ner- vousness or are passing through the Change of Life remember this splendid medicine. What it did for Mrs. Peter sen 1t may do for you.
 The Vegetable Compound stands upon a foundation of nearly fifty years of service.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
FELL FROM TRUCK

Suifering from the effects Of alco- hOliSm, Emil sherman. age 46. S3 Fulton street, fell from a coal truck upon which he was riding at the Park City Coal company yesterday after noon and sustained minor cuts. pr. T. F. Walsh responded with the emer- EenCy ambulance and removed the in- iured man to his home after he re- fused hospital treatment
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

by an able operator by means of the electric needle. As to the birthmark itself, hesitate to advise without see ing the growth. Personally. am averse to this process; but if the ap- pearancc is very bad a slun specialist should be consulted. I am thoroughly in sympathy with young women who want to look comedy; this is, in fact. a feminine duty. On the other hand. thre is real danger of birthmark be- ing turned into a skin cancer by op- erafon.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Compound and took 1t because Twas hay ing such pains in my
 stomach and thr ough my back that 1 could not do my work. I had tried other med icines, but none did me the good that your Vegetable Com pound did. Now I am able to do all my work alone while be- fore I had my daI,Ch-
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

A large class of pale faces were initiated into the local lodge of Red Men at the meeting held Thursday night. The NorwaIk degree team worked the degree.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

The Red Men basketball team will journey to Bridgeport next Tuesday to play the Y NJ. H. A. team. A large number of the Red Men followers will go with the team.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Charles Bergen has accepted a po- sition with the Bryant Electric Com pany and will begin his duties at the plant Immediately.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Wednesday the annual mid winter dance of the Fairfield Hook and Ladder Company No 1 will be held in American Legion hall. The fire men report that hundreds of tickets have already been sold.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Red Men of Unquowa lodge are looking forward to the chicken sup per which is to be given in their rooms Thursday. Jan. PC Arrange nents were completed at the last meeting.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Wednesday. Feb. &, the Southport Fire department will give a dance in their hall.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
DON'T LET THAT COLD
 GET THE BETTER OF YOU

If that persistent cough or cold is fastened on you at this season of the year it may lead to serious results. , our doctor would tell you that the
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

House Aprons Practical kinds for kitchen wear, gngham or percale
 Just look them over. Regular old fashioned blue checked gngham aprons of ample size, shirred into waist band and with strings to tie Many have pockets too Small percale aprons black and white, mostly striped patterns few in neat figures typical of per cale. Most of the aprons cut round and all finished with white rick rack braid.
 45 and 59 cts
 A second lot of percale aprons, made with without bbs Practically all in black and white, few in blue red white backgrounds The edges are neatly bound with white braid or finished with rick rack Were 75 cts. to $1OO
 59 and 69 cts
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
DAUGHTER HAD
 TO HELP MOTHER
Now Can Do All Her Housework Alone Because Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Helped Her
.lIIIiLlIIIIuIlIIIIIII

Jasper, Minn. - T saw in the paper about Lydia E. Pinkham's Neeetahle
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21
Molly O. Cookies-O

Our Sunshine Biscuit Department offers for this week the "Molly O" Cookie. This is a very fine sugar cookie, vanilla favored, crisp and wholesome. Nice for luncheons, etc.
 40 cts. a fb.
 Monday noon in the tea room one "Molly O" Cookie given to each visitor.
 Sunshine Dept.
 Basement.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

Advertise In The Times
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

soothing, healing elements in Father Johns Medicine are exactly what he would prescribe for such a condition.
 The value of Father Johns Medi- cine has been proven by more than Sixty-five years of success It sOOthes and heals the breathing passages and, because of the nourishing food ele- ments it contains, helps to rebuild wasted tissue and gives new strength with which to rebuild health. Get rid of that cold or cough now, before t is too late.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-01-21

nerH a qua AS " ~ V Monday
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1922-04-07
P. F. CARLEY.
Reliable Business Broker.
t6I7 E St. NV. FIR. 6I53. p

A few special bargains for your inspection.
Confectionery mfg. business real money
maker. Owner leaving the city, will sell for
$500.
Lunehroonn, downtown, near Pa. ave. NV,
doing q nice, clean business; low rental, with
IS years lease; must sell on account Of sick
ness. Price, s., 500.
Broom rooming house and large dining
room; income about $40 q month, with low
rental and lease. Price. 1850. Cash re-
quired, 81 900.
Garage, downtown, capacity about 70 cars.
Low rental, with lease. A sacrifice for - 600
,12-room rooming house.. downtown location.
Good income. Rent. $3.50. Price. s., 800
Cash, 81 900.
Grocery store. sc. loca ton. store and nice
library rooms; rental with lease. $45. Weekly
business about $3.50. Price, $500.
Cleaning and tailoring business. downtown
location, with low rental and lease. Owner
leaving the city, will sell for $1,000.
If your business is for sale,
call me up, l can sell it for you !;
no charge for listing or adver-
Using; no charge for legal
papers. Commission rate is SO.
P. +. CARLEY.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1922-04-07

TYPEWRITER-Young lady wishes to buy No.
S Underwood typewriter. Address Box % c.
Stsr Office 1s