New-York tribune., 1922-10-05

mas IL all come to this" we woulc
say to him.-"All your pyramids and
temples and sphinxes, Pharaoh. what
good are they to you now ?"-He would
not bat an eye, but he would look sad
80 sad!-~And then we would cry over
him.-~And cry and cry.-And sad
ghosts OF dinosaurs and ammoths
which had been lingering near their
skeletons in other parts of the museum
would come out of the gloom and put
their heads on our shoulders and crv
with us.
All good fellows while they had it.,
put all down and out now!-There is
i,o. soinelnihg ABOUT tears we don't
Know what! F.. but we used to 90
away from there feeling a better man.
1t was while we were weepinp nv tho
sarcophagus of Rameses one even;nr
that we first met Archy the Cockroach
:Archy .:y was weeping also.--An Egyp-
tlan scarab carven in granite formed
one of the decorations of the monarch,s
mummy case, and it seems that Archy
mad conceived fondness for this ben-
tie .l and came there attempting to WOO
| W" o'Uile Into lie with his ardent
"o'os' as fygmallon did Galatea.
Sensitive and poetic natures ara OIL
ways attracted to each other.-We saw
at once that Archy was not an ordi-
nary cockroach, and we took him awav
with US. '' away
dear boss
what liar
& you are
| archy
There is directness and exnl;cit-
ness about Archy that has always
pleased us.-Poor old Mr.. Hearst ia
stlll an amateur politician after ali
these. years.-He is probably sur
rounded by people who, for several CON
celVaple reasons, never have given him
the low down on his continuing ambi-
tion to climb into high office.-They
Keep hlm from drawing valuable les
So"s from MS defeats, no no doubt.
Probably they persuade him that be
is winning moral victories "mcant &c ne
Fltzurse tells US that "The New York
Evening Journal" is published largely
TOR people who can read if they move
their lips while reading, but Cart
write, and "The illustrated News" is
published for people who can neither
read nor write.
y We started out to parody the ex-
halsers memoirs, but they seem to be
beneath the possibilities of parody
Several persons have asked us What
our next book will be about.-It will
be about tooth-filling machine in a
dentists shop, which is haunted by the
spirit of mad dentist.
Inc thing goes out nights, and slips
into houses and hotels and bores holes
in teeth.
. The MYSTERIOUS TEETH OUT
KAGEs are reported in all the papers;
they become the talk of the country
Washington, Baltimore and New , York,
the, Fiend crosses the Atlantic
eral OF the English crown jewels are
missed:-The King of Italy is in Lon
don at the time.-He awakens ono
morning to discover that the English
crown jewels have been set in his
front teeth.-The King Of Italy finds
IT difficult to explain.-Everything he
says seems to make the situation worse.
--lnternatlonal complications result
Another world war is averted onlv hv
the cleverness and daring Of Cant.
Peter Fitzurse, who unmasks the Fiend.
MOTION picture rights are already be-
ing dickered for.--The scene in West
minister Abbey where the Fiend starts
to filling. the teeth of the Plantagenets
and works down through the Tudors
ana Stuarts to the House of Hanover
IS admirably adapted to the screen.
Comic relief is afforded In this chap
ter, or reel, by an episode between the
/flend and Mr.. Lytton Strachey, who is
celebrities at midnight for purposes s Of Of
his own.--The Fiend pulls MIR. Strach-
ey's teeth.-Which ruins Mr.. Strachev
as a biographer.
We have always wanted to write the
scenario for a Freudian Filna.--The
first location is the interior Of the
Uranium of psyche nalyst.- Enter.
a Symbol, leading Lizard.--But why
give more of this away?--see our agent.
Some day the movies will take a
tumble to their possibilities and begin
TO film some of the fundamental gro
ftesqueries of existence, picture tho
chaos and incongruties in the soul Of
artistic; they're always broke, anyhow.
And yet, maybe the American public
will never stand for INSTALLATION Of
the 'grote que.-Perhaps Poe failed to
capture the large crowds in his time
not because of his melancholy but be-
cause there was always mingled with !
his melancholy the grotesque.-F the
grotesque, whether it is done seriously
or in burlesque, gives people the un-e
easy feeling that something shifting
and incalculable and monstrous turks
forever among the labyrinths Of life
Is ready always 20 stick its head out
OF that region Of the soul which we
deliberately seek to cover and ignore
This feeling was the real feeling at
the basis Of the objection to the statue
OF Civic Virtue rece..tly set up in New
4ork's City Hall Park; although the
ob1ectors, being unused to thinking,
were not able to express it.
Don MARQUIS. /