davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
Tie National Daily

to exactly eighteen rectifers of spirits in Weshowling
county and was dragging down weekly royalty on
every apothecary of gum garge reduced from the raw
Fact Of the matter was he had 60gallon worm
himself which he operated at full blast threeshift
basis It was disguised inside Of saw-mill which he
had planted down in his woods He couldn't see any
harm in obeying the Bible against made
constitution. He had a sign his door which
moaned "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
he leadeth me beside de stilled waters"
In due course Of Government red-tape he received
notice from the Internal Revenue Bureau in Washing
ton that it's agents would be in Westhowng county on
certain afternoon in June to raid the eighteen stills
to which dried peaches had been traced and that the
officers would expect local cooperation from Otto.
He could see his source Of revenue escaping on wings
of the law, .... 4
He sent telegram back to Washington thanking
them for their warning and saying the local brass band
would be there to welcome the liquor snoops.
Then, saddling up the old gray mare, what did Otto
do but pull Paul Revere.
He galloped through the landscape with a mega
phone in one hand and the reins in the other Through
every Westhowng village and farm he rode like
wild man giving alarm.
Otto was just turning out of the last moonshiner's
lane when the revenue guys turned in They spent
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
WHOOZUS- -WHOOZUS

Westhowing was remote little principality and all
its natives proud Of the county they thought
it ought to be made full grown State. While it
wasn't exactly island it was entirely surrounded by
rivers, creeks, inlets and outlets
The old side-wheelers used to steam up through the
inlet loaded to the elbows with dried peaches then
they steam around to the outlet and carry off cargo
Of twenty mule team solution of He'll and Maria.
This innocent traffic festered three years before it
became malicious.
revenue officer happened to be carrying dead
relative home for burial on one of those peach
rafts and when they got to their destination box Of
evaporated aprcots got shipped to the family residence
instead of the lately -embaned Whoozus.
Also there no little furore at nearby still when
they cracked open what supposed to be withered
clingstones, which turned out to be sver-handled
chariot!
In his efforts to assemble the dearly deceased, the
revenue angel put two and two together and ascer-
tanned that it made trplets For the next owls age
he hung around the wharf and trailed the elusive
damsons to their lairs.
you'll stick around, we II tell you where Otto Buzz
meyer fits into this cinema He played very heavy
role and needs pack of scenery before he comes hob
bling into the picture. Honest, he was a whaml
As matter of court record, Otto had issued licenses
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

as any of the gang. he overheard
his son rebuking one Of the party.
"Your too fresh,' the boy said.
You called my father "Jim." and
won't stand for IL You've got to
say mister to my father. no matter
how he cuts up"
1t was an oye-opening expert
ence for that father. He came to
see that in the pretense Of being q
boy among boys he was risl<ing
some thing precious. A lad viii
welcome the right kind Of father
a. . desirable piayfsllow, but not
as Jim" Father 10 . great add.
ton to the party because he knows
30 much because he can DO 20 many
things In q corking good way. He
is welcome because he is Father"
not because he Ia "Jim." Tho wise
father marches with the boy gaaE
like . commanding officer and nis
staff, not an one Of the disordsriy
rsbbis following the hand
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

Charts warning the Just-outs
against taking Presents from
Strangers and Putting them next
to Rules Of Conduct that would be
sure TO please and fascinate Prop
or Young Men.
II seemed strange at Times that
these Head Coaches who knew Just
how to jolly up any Man were
not out spending some Million.
aires Money instead of writing
Pieces for the Paper.
How They Dislike Bohemiansi
All the Articles on tho women's
Page and all the straitlaoed Men
that she met came down Hard
on the Female who ts trying to be
q Real Bohemian.
She heard nothing but EXPIRES
sions Of Horror concerning the
Woman Who Drinks. Her Male
acquaintances often brought up
the Painful Subject.
They said It was all right for
Man to move up to q High Ball
once IN . While, and q Cocktail be-
fore Dinner didn't do any Harm
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

would make q Hit must convince
the Men that her Tastes were sim-
pie and inexpensive.
Another gave her . learned
Talk ON the frivolity and Two-by-
Fourness Of the typical Flapper.
you cannot expect a Man to
hand over his serious Affections
to one Of these Feather Heads"
he said, as he gazed thoughtfully
at the Floor.
woman should be Mans Intel
leotual Helpmeet.
Now and then . Man may have
a Passing Fancy for q Lizzds who
talks Ptffle and gets an Attack Of
the Giggles every few seconds,
but when It comes to the grand
Hook.Up he wants one who In
there with the Gray Matter-one
who can play UP to his loftiest
Ambitions and supply his Home
with that Atmosphere Of Culture
which Is the true Ozone Of Mar
rted Life"
So she put II down that It was
her Cue to chop out the Twaddls,
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

us understand how terribly boys
and girls can be hurt through their
sensitive pride In their mothers
and fathers. A matter which viii
not catch tho attention Of parents
across the streot-the carpet slip.
pers Mr.. Cross the Street Hikes to
wear Of an evening out on\ the
porch; the orayon portrait OF
Grandfather that Mrs. Cross the
Street will keep hanging right over
the piano-is humiliation and dis,
tress II II crosses TO our side Of
the way. Adoiesoent suffering Ia
keen because II 10 without per-
apeotive moreover, II Ia always
complicated and Intensified by the
social teaching no child escapes,
that to criticize parent even in.
wardly is almost the objectionable
sin,
No sensitive boy cares to see
his father act like boy. no sensi-
tive girl wants her mother to pre-
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

Subject and full Of Information.
Just as a Feeler one Evening
she asked an eligible Charley II
he didn't think that the Woman
Of Today was too Extravagant.
That's. Just why 90 many Of US
duck the Matrimonial Hazard"
he confided to her. There was
a time when the Men who got
$3.50 per Month and had about
$1,000 squirreled could take .
Chance at tho Game. But now
that measly Allowance wouldn't
keep ono Of these now Shifters
supplied with Cork Tips The
up-to-date Maudine isn't happy
unless she has q Sable Coat, two
cars, $1,000 worth Of Twinklsrs
and q fourteen-room Apartment
or q s-story Bungalow with
Baths. That's why the men
keep on making Love right and
left, but never come down to
Cases"
This was a valuable Tip, so the
crafty Maiden put II down in her
little Notebook that she who
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

tend to be sixteen. The right
minded girl wants to be able to ad-
mire everything that mother does;
more she wants everybody else
to admire mother
"The unhappiest day I ever
spent" says one middleIased won-
an, "was when my mother came to
VISIT my school. wearing q Leg
horn hat, In those days, only girls,
90 q rule, wore wide.brimmei hats,
! suffered tortures because I was
afraid ! should have to confess 10
myseif that ! was ashamed OF my
dear, adorable mother because of
her flcppy hat, and the realisation
that II was q silly thing to mind
only made me suffer more, Iwant.
cd my mother to be beyond crIti.
cism and she wasn't"
We presume on their love Of ua
when we make no effort to find out
what behavior in US best pleases
them. when We dismiss the dlscev-
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

until after the Seventh or Eighth.
But It did look Tough to see Mere
Children Of about twenty-three
years of Age going after Double
Bronxes.
After sounding the Men on the
Liquor Question the long-headed
Girl made q solemn Resolve that
she would never hit up anything
stronger than Cherry Sundae.
When she had her Note Book
full of useful Directions she found
q Chance to try out her System
She was invited to q Swell Dinner
Party at which all the Nice Men
In Town were to be rounded up.
She put on . simple White
Gown and wore q Rose In her
Hair, and just before starting
she locked all OF her Slang words
in the, Escritoire, whatever that
may be. \
At the Dinner she sat next to a
Bachelor who had Nothing But.
She talked to him about the Four
Power Treaty just to show that
she was no Piker. When he
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

Some Of US attempt to bridge
the gap between ourselves and our
boys and girls by pretending that
It does not exist. We assure tho
younger generation that irf spite Of
the evidence Of their eyes to the
contrary, we are just as young as
we were twenty years ago and that
we can share youths pastimes and
ambitions precisely as II we had
NOT added a score Of birthdays to
our tally.
Polite boys and girls indulge US
In this insane folly, restraining
their derision of our fatuous
speeches about being young with
our children, enjoying the things
they enjoy in their own spirit.
II Is related Of one father who
pretended as hard as he could to
be not day older than his son.
sharing all Of the boys amuss-
ments. that on one occasion. on q
carefres outing. behaving a. young
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

and be . sort Of Lady Emerson.
Next she resolved to cut out all
kinds Of Slang. for she got . very
straight Line Of Talk from an Am
ateur Philosopher who was In the
Wholesale Grocery Business.
IF there's anything that gives
me a quick. shooting Pain 1t In to
hear some delicate Nectarine deal
ing out Slang" said Mr.. Gentle
man Frisnd. Now In England.
where I spent Two Weeks onoe.
the Ladies never use Slang. They
simply say that . Thing 10 either
Perfectly Charming or Most Extra.
ordinary and let II go et that. They
may bs Short on Vocabulary, but
thsy are Lons on Respectabflity.
Besides. I was reading In Q
Magazine the other day that Slang
Il Vulgar and that no ons should
take UP with q Slang Word until
Long Usage has given It the right
to break into the Lexicon"
Also this Girl with tho Absorb
ent Mind would clip out hints to
the Young. ana Confidential
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
By GEORGE AIDE

wanted her to take some OF the
Bootlegger's Best she made an
Awful Stand and seemed sur.
prised that he should think that
Of her.
This did not prevent him from
splashing in
BY the time the Entree came
along he had accumulated a very
neat Brannigan. and was paying
u lot of Attention to q wonderful
Piece of Work sitting opposite.
Theory vs.. Practice.
She wore q Red Costume that
must have cost $1,000 and. al
though she was very gabby and
called the Men by their First
Names and invited all who were
not Cutters to stand by for q
Bumper. she was making fair
Headway.
In fact, she seemed to have the
Bunch with her.
The Wise Girl figured that they
were tolerating her out Of mere
Politeness. Later on, in the
Drawing Room. they continued to
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
BY "BUGS" BAER

Pop hollered out to the professor and asked him II
he knew much about wharfs why didn't he jump
off one.
The professor pointed at pop like he exhibi-
ton and told him to keep quiet he would be thrown
out through good window, and pop rolled up his
knuckles and told em to come and do it. Eight Of
fifteen ushers jumped pop They had red coats on
with gold braid like circus band and when they got
through with pop, then pop started in on them.
Pop cross-eyed that he thought the set
In the East.
But he could fight and hollered that nobody could
throw him through the best window in the place unless
that guy went first to show him the way It looked
Like the lecture nearing the close when he started
peeng those braided coats off the ushers like farmer
shucking corn on bet.
Pops eyes were black and blue from being run
through that hand laundry, but he full of fight to
the finish. He said that he good for four alarms
anytime that he started and told him to lay off
that stuff she would crack dish into IA piece
dinner set on his anvilshaped skull.
So pop went into the Sunday paror and picked up a
carpet tack to use for needle the graphophone He
hadn't nothing to use for record except stove lid.
But when he started it going, it played The end of
perfect day.
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
THE FAMILY ALBUM

THAT'S another picture Of pop in one Of his many
hazardous moods. Pop had more critical moments
than incubator baby. He used to argue with
everybody on the slightest One day he told
we all going to hear the Chautauqua lecture by
some big reformer, all put our spare collars
and extra emergency curls
The man who was to lecture chose for his subject:
Prohibition, and who remembers ti
Pop hoered out that it looked like the subject chose
the lecturer. The man looked at pop and said that
one lecturer at time enough Then he asked
what prohibition was.
Pop holered that it was a wet blanket
The lecturer wanted to know what pop meant by
that. But pop busy trying to break our little six
months old baby brother Of the aspirin habit and paid
attention
The lecturer then said something about bootleggers
turning national emblem into crazy quilt I
think the lecturers name for that evening was Pro
fessor Dunwddie which sounded very synthetic to pop
Pop was good at repartee, which is a French word
for quick insults.
He interrupted the lecturer much that it sounded
like Professor Dunwiddie interruptng pop. Three
four ushers down to assist pop in any general
direction, but pop said speech like the air. They
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

DARENTs of flappers and
- cake eaters" may think
- they have a dreadful fespon-
sibility on their hands. But 1t
probably has never occurred to
them that they are a great re-
sponsibility to their children.
We have this directly from n
member Of the W. c. T. u, Mrs
Ruth Kimball Gardner.
"our boys and girls in the
teens don't want to be like US
in the forties, and they don't
want US to be like them. They
prefer us to be parents, their
elders by a generation, and what
they need as much as we do is
some arrangement which will
keep US in our proper admired
places as parents. They know
how they wish us to behave and
what impression on the world their
love Of US makes them long to
have us create
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

tolerate her the best they knew
how. The Girl with the Book Of
Rules played a sad little Opus on
the Piano. after which the Steeple-
Chaser in Red leaped on top of
the Instrument and tore out Jazs
with eight men turning the Music
for her.
And these were the Eight who
had told the Girl back. In the
Corner all about the Qualities in
Women that would help to at.
tract Men
She went home thinking II
over and the next time she start
cd for q Dinner, she added q Dash
Of Red and q few Brilliants to the
Costume and cut loose up to q
reasonable Limit. She got along
first.rate. even though she was
doing a lot of Things that none Of
the Men approve, but somehow
love to put up with.
Moral-He can always pick out
the Right Kind for the Other
Fellow.
Isaa. by Bell Syndicate 1no.,
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

Nom Told Him to Lay OF That Stuff
Pop hollered that he to be entertained and not
contradicted.
The professor said that anybody who would put that
stuff into his stomach would give his baby daughter
two hungry lions for her birthday.
Professor Dunwiddie told the audience and pop that
anybody who drank one drink of bootleg gin a day
wouldn 4 live six months He said they made gin out
Of anything within reach And the labels the bottle
didn't mean anything more than weather reports.
Also the stuff they call Scotch isn't anything but
nient and creosote The niment is strong enough to
make railroad roundhouse change its shape.
The creosote is what they waterproof railroad ties and
wharf timber with and makes the wharf tough that
catfish sharpen their whiskers on it
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

~ NCE upon a Time there was
u 'ons,na,r.a Cir, who used
to sit in her own Room
on Rainy Afternoons and evolve
Theories. Her principal Ambition
In Life was to stand Ace High
with all the Nice Men OF her Set.
She hoped in the course Of Time
TO tease one away from the Drove
and gallop him into the Brand
ing Pen.
Now this Girl was so Foxy that
at times she got in front Of her
self and blocked her own Plays.
Her scheme for getting all the
Roal Boys intoxfied with Love
for her was to engage them in
Conversation and find out what
kind Of Girls they liked.
Then her Play was to be that
Kind.
She had no Difficulty whatever
In inducing her Men Friends to
talk about the Opposite Sex.
They were all keyed UP on the
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
Bv CAROLYN VANCE

ered-by-chance preference or pretu.
dice as too slight q thing to Be con-
sidered seriously. To bring UP orr
children properly we must consent
to let them bring US UP as parents.
for after all. when we begin with
them we are quite as inexperienced
in our position Of parents a. they
are In theirs a. children.
Now put that little lecturs IN
your pipe and smoke II, papa Of
the cake-eater, And mama Of the
fiapper can roll II In her cigarette.
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

nTT0 BUZZMEYER was sheriff Of Westhowling
county, Nebraska.
He was one of those moving picture sheriffs
who suspenders pants and tobacco syrup dripping
from two corners of his jowls.
Westhowling County chief industry the extrac-
ton of alcoholic content from all forms of barley corn
dried peaches and shavings
For that reason Otto's job was important. At times
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
By KIRK MILLER

three weeks in Westhowling and the nearest thing to
evidence they could find was coffee percolator.
Meanwhile the cash customers in the big cities
besiegng the postal and telegraph Offices, wondering
what had happened to the supply.
The temporary drouth which originated in West
bowling moved the quotation ''Westhowling Pre-
ferred" up to eleven dollars gallon, and you know
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
Must Use Gloves.

paris, June s.-The women
who dance In Paris land the
few exceptions don't COUNT have
declared war on the gloveless
man. They are tired Of having the
fragile veil Of flinsmess that does
duty for the old-time corsage
soiled by the hot hands Of their
partnera 90.
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
Pop Was Good at Repartee.

were both free to any American citizen.
One of the ushers told pop that he thought speech
like the air they ought to 60 outside and compare
them. But pop said he had paid for his ticket and he
going to hear that lecture through until the finish
and the quicker the better.
So Professor Dunwiddie continued his opening re-
marks He said the law is very dry reading but damp
drinking. Also that unless people like pop observed
the law that should be nation Of law busters
He said the average man pays SIS for quart Of ter
rible moonshine that is strong enough to take the
wrinkles out of bloodhound's g face.
He warned behooved and beseeched folks like pop to
break their capillary tremors habits before it was too
Late and said that the stuff the amendment poachers
are peddling would tan leather.
The Washington times., 1922-06-04
He Pulled a Paul Revere.

when farmer reduces anything in price it's because
the children need new flivvers.
Otto began to make more money than he ever did be-
FORE and the booeggers thrice offered him the nona
ton for governor, which he refused on the grounds
that he couldn't afford to work for so little and be-
sides he didn't want anything to do with those political
grafters.
The Washington times., 1922-06-04

he had to that kind of diplomacy which makes it
necessary to be blind to great many things. One
drink of what they manufactured in Westhowlng
would make mole blind well as all his ancestors.
swallow of that stuff sprinkled on a mules tail
would knock the bit right loose from his gums. 1t
was he-stuff.
The New York herald., 1922-09-17
Westchester

BRONxvILLE-Sag Court.
George Howe. 527 5th Ave.
HAMILTON PLACE-56.
Apply premises-
SOUTH YONxERS. SS0-$95.
A. w. Donoghue, 104 st. An
drew- Place, Yonkers.
YONKERS-Hnmil Ave-. 81.
Yonkers Realty Exchange. $3.50
So. Broadway.
TONKERS-Hamii Ave-. o.
Yonkers Realty Exchange. $50
So. Broadway.
YONKERS 800.
Yonkers Realty Exchange, $50
So. Broadway.
The New York herald., 1922-09-17
FIVE ROOMS
Manhattan-West Side

Manhattan-West Side
l1TH ST.-3l w. $4,000.
J. Irving Walsh, 73 w. 11th 81.
18TH ST.-53 w.
Apply premises.
18TH ST.-53 w.
Apply premises.
SPOTS 4 Starr. Inc.. Times Bldg.
10Th ST.-s0 w.
Supt. Phone Bryant <050.
a6TH ST.--3j2-356 w.
]. A. schoen. lis Bible House.
a6TH ST.--352 W.
Supt., on premises.
10TH sta w. $3.50.
II Apply premises.
54TH ST.-l62 w. 81, 900 81 200.
Slawson g. Hobbs. 1862 w. I'D 81.
9TH ST.--140 w. $1,000.
Meyerowitz, premises.
57TH ST.--140 w. 5000.
aMeyerowitz, premises.
18TH ST.-l4o w. -.
Pease 4 Gilman. $40 Madison Ave.
beTH STA w. 2 baths.
II Pease & Gilman. $40 Madison Ave.
10TH ST.-36 w. $4,000.
Huberth 4 Huberth. 2 Columbus
Circle.
9TH ST.--i w.
Apply premises.
10TH ST.--114 w.
Slawson e. Hobbs. 162 W. T2d 81.
10TH ST.-236 w. s233.34.
Apply premises.
list ST.-w. OF Broadway. $500.
Il Apply premises. River; b086.
list ST.-235 w. s2.700 q 5000.
T2D ST.-i24 w.
Park Ave. Operating Co.. 5ia
9Th Ave.
T2D ST.--305 w.
Spots a. Starr. Times Building.
T4TH ST.--s1 w. 81 600 81 800.
Slawson & Hobbs. 1o2 w. 72d.
Apply Room 400. so y. z2d st.
18TH ST.-250 w. 5000.
sharp a Co.. Ease Broadway.
18TH ST.-229 w.
supt.. premises. Lenox 5000.
18TH ST.-230 w.
supt., prem. Phone Lcnor p0oo.
s0TH sT.--f50 w. 2.10o-s2. 400.
A. II. O'Brien, 229o Broadway
soTu ST.--225 w. $1,000 to $500.
Wood. Dolson Co.. Inc. B'way =
sisT sr.--2io W. s2.soo.
A. VI. o'Brien. promises.
SAD ST.-35 W.
Schuyler 1OO56.
Mark Rafsisky a Co.. n ID. <oth
sxTH ST.-225 w.
supt.. prem. phone Lenor 1000.
SETH ST.-252 w.
sharp q Co.. 24e9 Broadway.
esTH ST.--2O0- -2O6 w. 81 800.
q. ID. n II. V. Dixie, go w. 42d.
seTH sT.--s02 w. 81. zoo 80 500.
Nassoit 4 Lanning, BY q seth 81.
seTH ST.--320. 5000.
Earle a Cainoun. 2i2 w. T1d st.
sGTH gT.--340 w. ~, 400.
slawson a Hobbs. f62 w. T2d 81.
s6TH ST.--3fa W.
Apply premises.
s6TH ST.--34o w.
Apply premises.
sGTH ST.--3so w.
Apply premises.
sTTH ST.--i00 w.
Wood. Dolson Co., B'way-S0th.
sTTH ST.--i76 W.
Mark Rafaishy Co.. II II. Goth.
p2D ST. w.
Sharp a. Co.. 24so Broadway.
slawson q Hobbs. fs2 w. 72d st.
Oath sT.--Sf4 w. $500.
sharp a Co, 24se broadway.
OATH ST.--315-32t w. 81 900.
Apply premises.
p71'H sf.-22D. 5000,
Earle q Calhoun. 212 w. 72d 81.
osTH ST 240 w.
NJ. Refalsky a Co., Fl n. 4oth.
99TH ST.--206 w. Reasonable.
Sharp A Co., 24se Broadway.
pnTH ST.--2f6 w.
Sharp a Co.. 24s0 Broadway.
p0TH ST. .--3fT w.
Sharp a Co., 2isu Broadway.
i00T'H ST.---314 w. Reasonable.
sharp 4 Co., 2ise broadway
f00TH ST.-3f4 w.
Sharp & Co.. 24s0 Broadway.
The New York herald., 1922-09-17
Queens

FORREST HILLS dARDENs-rsn-
mis- Place.
Phone Boulevard 6545.
Long Island C.--172 Mott Ave. $50.
Apply premises.
The New York herald., 1922-09-17
Bronx

174TH ST.-104 w. Nelson Av.) !.
SIS. Shaw. Sandford e. Rock
well. w. 125th st.
17sTH ST.-23i Il. $s5.
Apply premises.
1S1ST ST.-yalentine Ave.
Agent premises.
1s2D ST.-452 T..
Apply Michel. premises.
1S2D ST.--452 Il.
Apply premises.
ANDREWS AVE.--22o4-2 ZOOS.
Agent premises.
BAINBRIDGE AVE--3070
Apply premises.
BRONX PARK SO.-922- $50. s55-
S115.
DAVIDSON AVE. Burnside Ave.
Chas. Berlin. 1883 Broadway.
ECHO PLACE-Echo Park Can
thoney and fremont Aves.)
pply premises.
GRAND CoNcoURsE-26e5.
Apply premises.
GRAND CONCOURSE and hist.
Tel. Bingham 1928.
GRAND CONCoURsE-17ist St.
$95-$f25. Billingsly Holding
Corp, premises.
LORING PLACE-2312-2Sf6.
+. J. Mcmahon, 1888 st. Mich
olas Ave.
NORRIS AvE.-2o7o. s75 month.
Owner on premises.
RYBR AvE.-2f0b.
Apply premises. &ns-
SHAKESPEARE AvEy-f392.
Apply premises.
WEBB AvE.-2432. Reasonable.
Murray Hill-Alexander Corps
Agents.