The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1922-01-31
A Visit From Col. J. WaIlington Potts
(From the Pickens Sentlnel.)

(FrOm the PIckenS Sentlnel.(
well" remarked the eminent Col
onel J. Wallington Potts, as he wiped
the mud eff of his shoes on our i'm
ported BRUSSELS carpet, essed himself
into that handsome chair reserved for
the most distinguished visitors only,
leaned back and lighted one of our
s1.25 gold-lined Havanas, Il see they
are going to send all the likker MAX
ers, sellers and drinkers 70 jail, and
not let them pay out. What do you
think OF it?'
'Wen," we replied, We're been SO
busy trying to make enough coin to
pay our past due taxes that We have
MT had time to think about it. What
do you think about it??''
Il think" said the colonel as he
filed the air full of high priced fra
GRANGE, cts damn poor plan. These
here luke-warm prchibitionists are
too kind-heaIted; they are too broad
minded and easy; they take halfway
measures and don't go far enough. l
have thought this thing over and have
evolved an ideal plan Of settling a
perplexing problem. No man who
makes likker, totes likker, drinks lik-
ker, or who looks like he wants a
drink of the damnable delight of the
devil should be allowed to breathe
the sacred air of this religious nation.
He should be shot and shot forth
with"
"But, Colonel"
Don't but me- retorted J. Wall
ington, digging the point Of our
S47.SO fountain pen into the table;
EI know what you are going to say;
tout l tell you I've got it all figured
out and my plan will work. 1t will
empty our jails, asylums, poor hous
es and reformatories, reduce Our
court expenses to nothing, and fill our
public treasury so full of money that
we will have to find new ways to
spend it. 1t will lengthen the lives
of our people to such an extent that
when a person dies under 200 years
Of age the papers will refer to it as
an 'untimely death
81 admit it will decerase the popu-
lation considerably, but it will remove
only those heather who do rot agree
with US and who are unfit associates
for US best people, and will make this
portion of the old terrestrial sphere
a fairly decent place to dwell. My
My plan will absolutely stamp out the
demon rum, sometimes referred to by
the lower class as John Barleycorn,
and will therefore have the support
of all the best people.
81 know you are thinking that 10
jury woud condemn to death per-
son found with small amount of lik-
ker for his own use, but right here is
where one of the beauties of my thor
oughly throughout plan comes in.
One of the weak points in this other
proposed plan is that few juries would
send to the chaingang an otherwise
half decent citizen just because he
had small phial of the essence Of
home made fertilizer on his hip. In
der my plan the culprit would never
get to Jury. Trials are useless eX-
pense anyway, and under the jury
system some guilty devil might es-
cape his just deserts. Aiury might
argue that ANYBODY who drinks the
kind made these days Ought to be in
the asylum instead OF on the CHAIN
gang.
"All officers being The very high
est type Of citizenship, as YOU we'll
know, under my plan they would be
empowered TO shoot, or otherwise exc
cute, any person found or suspected
of making, selling, toting, drinking or
asking about the aforesaid damnable
delight of the devil, commonly called
Iikker, And any person so executed
would be automatically fined 500 for
the county. $200 for the state, $500
for the United States, and if executed
in town 500 for the town. and the
executing officers should receive one
half the fines so rs TO make ii u9nec-
essary for HIM to execute nor" than
one person a week to make expenses,
Il tell YOU, man, I've studied It al
out and it will work Put this plan
to working and we viii clean o9t all
the undesirable trash and us .2etter
cass Of people will have some peace
and chance to maintain cur dignity.
What do YOU think of it?''