davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

10y their thumbprints - shan
Il know them.
II u said the Government =
ssost to thumbprint the populatisn
! A,u that will b the end q IN four
Sashing. win : hundred and ten
nlllion thumbprints On record b
washington It y going to b very
hard 70 st evsy with anything!
TAs~ are % many laws that III
svsss&s citiaen y liable to foegs,
a6osa ninety Per cent OF them, bu,
~ thumbprint shall be his alibi
4 II u not his thumbprint % the
e,ass then Il Was not he who took
The drink What could Be more
saccharins than that?
n you pay guy ! dollar yo1 owe
aim and he comes 70 you . year
later and demands the money
again. all you have 70 % = 70 hunt
Up the dollar bin ron handed him
and identity your fhumbprint on
II. The thumbprint on oof1ss cups
n the one-armsd restaurants wili
tell you Just who has lunchsd there
before you, and II you are looking
for anybody IN particular this h
formation win 30 invaluable.
"A stolen umbrella WIN show the
thumbprints Of original owner. A
thumbprint win afso show who
dropped the bum nickel n the sub
way turnstils. II yo1 want - know
why your monthly telephone BIN n
- high you can haul out your
trusty microscope end examine the
thumbprints on the receiver. The
last that probably none Of them
GOT the number he wanted win be
~ excuse.
Thambprints on the hack Of your
0Weethearts sh1rtWalst VIII tell OK
actly what young gent had his arm
around her the evening before.
the wife who wishes to trace her
Aasband can examine all the door
knobs In town until she finds his
ehumbprint and then. wow
BY their thumbprints you can
TN sxaStiy who swipsd your lawn
newss. borrowed your Ford. shook
AaAds WITH your wife, drank your
Aooch. sent you An anonymous let
e.. wore your dress suit robbed
yoar cigar box or lured your hired
Giri away. -
But the American people are IN.
gsnious, and the upshot Of the
whole thing probably win Be that
everybody will Immediately begin
wearing rubber gloves.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
The Suburban
FneDepartrllelat

A + the last meeting It was de-
~ eidsd - abandon the old
= custom It notifying mem.
bsrs By postal card when there IL
. Ars. - undse that system 4 n
semstimss difficult to keep the ne
Soans until ne member get there.
= was decided 10 buy two NV
ss,tseS sipAons to add to the sQuir
mont UD 10 now these have not
bssa necessary. but ~ oas Knows
whom . zig IRE may break ost.
The pr0position ~ by cslluIoiA
helmets and coats for the trsnsa
was sdoptsd. which VIM msaa .
srsa& saving Of money X not Of
hremSu. I'D
Somebody has stolen the slappse
o. a the engine house bell 70 ~
- . potato msshsr. and now. WHEN
there b . Ars somebody has 70
climb up to ths betty and bag
the bell with a4Aammsr. a. sy1
A committee has been sent Aown
70 the city - tahs Advantage q .
grsat bargain sale Of hose st one
oe the department storss-two
paars for Q dollar. ~
- A.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Wit of the Week

A REGULAR customer 1t . bAk.
- sr's shop was . dog which
carried . psnAy in it, mouth for the
purchase Of . bun.
On several occasions the dog did
not return homo - usual with the
bun. and IT. master. fearing that
robbery was the cause. decided to
watch events.
The next morning X was discov,
cred that the animal carefully
buried the penny near BY and trot-
esd homo again. Later. on passing
The bakers shop the dogs master
WAS snlishtened By the notice he
saw displayed on the window:
Buns one cent each. Or six for
Eve csnts."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

He strods 70 the oessndsrs table.
Aren't yeu sshamsd Of yourself
Hsvsnt you any mannsrsf sup.
pose you did such . thing It the
Rita what would they say to your"
What would thsy say to NET"
repeated the owner Of the elbow
They would say. II you want to do
things IKE that 90 to . cheap Bsw,
CRY restaurant
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Went WNlll

MOLLY 10 six ,ysars old and has
AVA lust started lessons. The other
day she was seen to throw her new
doll down the well, which the gar
dsnsr had Inadvertently LETT un
covered. When her father came
homo he was told Of the occur
renee.
$50 you have thrown your new
dolly down the we'll Mollyf" hs re
marked. ry .s'A ,a' 3, ~
yes, daddy a.t>
~And how do yoa sxpeot - set
her outf"
why. Mise Young told me that
the world turns round every day.
and whom II turns over tomorrow
MI tall outi"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

THE touring ear had turned upside
= down. burying the motorist I'M
der It. but the Village constable
was not to be thus lightly turned
from his duty.
IT'S NO use your hiding there"
hs said. severely; II must have
POUR name and address"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Heard Along Broadway
Buttoui Duttoni

I TITLE Johnny WAS . keen o.
server. The church cellsction
was for . mission to the heather,
and after the service Johnny said
10 his father. Daddy. Do the
hsathsn wear clothssf-
mo. dearr answered his father.
Whatever makes you ASK suoh .
question:"
Il only wondered said Johnny.
why you put . button In the bag
to-dayf"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
No Necessity for LanguagS

No Necessity for Language.
xnOEs the baby talk yeti" asked
- . friend Of the famiiy Of the
little brother.
Nav" replied the little brother
dissustediy. He don't need 10
talk. All - has ter DO II yell ana
he gifts e, 'rythinS In tho house
Horth hAytk
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

TWO amateur gardsasrs were
. coming 10 town one morning.
'Vay. Bfll," said one what's sod
- KIN slussf They are eating mp
IN my radishes."
"weli," said the other. 'gst .
eeapas q bass Of salt and sprinkle
I bstwesa the rows"
The 1s1t mesnfng TIE I've NET
0gA1n.
How 6id the SAN WORTH Bill
aohed.
why. yoa poor AsA,- replied the
oeAse. when I wsnk cut 10 look at
- gardsa this noFning the sluss
Vsrs paliins uD he sadishss. DIP
U1ng them IN ne salt and eating
SAsa--
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
What Gets the Medala

x UNDERSTAND that you have
lns track team hsre," said
the visitor 70 the guide, who was
showing him through the college.
What individual holds most Of the
medalsi"
The guide pondsrSd. 'weii. STR
he said. II guess n = the pawn
hgakaG AAx7 tsEa..
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

Where Slang Was Unfortunate.
THE bride was ovsrvhs lmingiy
pleased with the progress she
was making in cooking. and hubby
was always 20 encouraging and 10
kind in making excuses II by any
chance she did make . little mis-
take when guests were present.
This same opinion Of her forbsar-
Inc husband might have continued
indefinitely had she not inadvsrt-
entity made use Of BIT OF slang.
Noticing that Harry wac trihs
dovncast when the dinner was
RcnAA 1ritelA Rights R>ssrvSh
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Right

literary AsPIRANr-you 80.
sir followed your rula and
wrote On one side Of the paper
only.
Dditor-Yca can DO better still.
Aspirant (easerly)-Howf
Nditor--Doa't write On either
side.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

about hAff over she exclaimed gay.
": Cheer up. Harry. the worst 10
-. 10 come"
Her husband glanced up quietly
and with . Departing glance IN
Quirsd: what Have yoa made
4 pier
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
The Truth.

A WNLLKNOWN lawyer had =
horse that always stopped and
refused TO cross the mill-dam
bridge leading out of the city. No
whipping. no urging wenld induce
him TO cross without stopping. 30
he advertised him: .
ITO be sold, for no other reason
than that the owner wants to -
cut OF town."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

A TEACHER WAS instruoting her
- pupils IN the use OF . hyphsn.
Among the examples given By the
children was ''bird-oass."
That's right" snoouraginsiy 70,
marked the teacher. Nov. Tom
my. tell me Why We put Q hyphsn
IN pird-cags'r'
ITS for the bird to sit on" was
the startling rejoindsr.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

"Po.rr,.., $500
Does money talkf-
$50 the saying goss. my son."
did you ever hear itr'
"oh. yes. Isnats: I've often heard
II Jabbering away n the boxes at
the opera"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
He Dot It.

s1N sfrsid ] shall require some
proof Of your identity. mad.
am" said the bank cashier. when
the nonstoo-fair lady presented .
check for payment. And he looked
the kind Of . man who thoroughly
enjoys . little unplsasantnsss.
"Oh. I'll give you a. many proofs
- you like" she answered. sweet.
". I'm the old sirl with the facs'
ON the other side q the fsncs, who
win have her internal piano mp
against your dining-roon wall.
Last night when you got IN yss,
wife said to you: II Jon don't
turn up At q respectable hour 70
morrow night I'll give you such Q
piece Of my mind - you've never
heard yet. you poor fsh. you
Notes or goldr' hastily inter
ruptsd the cashier.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Diaphauous.

uH-I 80 Rev. Riggs scored the
"A styles in womsn's dress n his
sermon Sunday.
ghs-How's thatf
Hs-Ths text was from ne last
chapter Of Revelations.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12
Impartial.

HOSTESS (gushinsiy)-Thsy tell
me, doctor. you are . perfect
hAy-killsr.
Doctor (modestiy)--i assure you.
my dear madam. ! make no Dis
taaetiRs hasMsea " asxsS
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

30. \ - - ~ y
School
~ WIZ - 1ssels ct -,
~ sAstai
~ = Dssasss ~ slwsys
AssS ssosshing somlnG
- w = . soqlaseuosf .
4. A. asy AstsL tse0sr.
. Law isas sAssaas wonans
~ ~
- Twice q laag - Ax auist
q WAat q Dssts NJ sas
\ 5hsy 5sst nvs -
9. Il . vs.aa = e,d - he
los0sf
~ ~ issst.
q Hev nasy sstsusoeslss n
this ss1a41yf
4 One 70 every Sosrtssn PEI.
sons, bat yerd b ~ only ear
" ever 80 witA Sosrtssa psrsoas
mt 4 49,,
- 81.
q. II : rssssaey bz5ds unlusly,
r \ Yes. X ~ inarf1ss 4 man
! whs has - sssaihg sspaeisy.
q wAsss = ns tArssnils limit
found?
A. Abort thrss ssst f.oa ne
dock wbsn the boss lsavias.
q. Do short stitts maks women
look shcrterf
4 They make men LOOK LONGER.
Q. Why = February the shortest
month";
A. Because tie income tax u due
In March.
-@ -
Q. How can I 81 into he
movissf i@s @.F
4 Boy . ticket ct the Aooe.
q. Why dld WaGAfnGtoa eut
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1922-03-12

he Knew the Answer.
WHEN An elbow hits the edge Of
" . plate Of soup the soup spat
tsrs. Also the tablecloth suffers.
II happened at cheap Bowery res.
tsuraat The pEQpristpr Xss Aagry.
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

-174s. However, on the same site
was erected the original chapel, a
frame building, completed shortly
after 1890.
At the time OF the completion of
the original chapel a bell was pre-
sented to the small congregation
by member of the English nobIl-
ity and this bell is now housed in
the small belfry of the present
chapel.
Surrounding the chapel is a grave
yard in which are buried most of
the persons who were among the
founders Of the place of worship.
The Oldest OF the grave markers
upon which the wording has not
been totally obliterated by the ele-
ments is that of the grave of Anna
Parran, who died in l775.
The graves of three persons who
were once prominent in the little
community-a member of the Cook
family, another member of the Far
ran family and a man named Addi-
son-who died during the early
part of the eighteenth century, ac-
cording to persons now residing in
the vicinity of the church. are
buried beneath the present chapel
The bricks are still in the best of
condition, and with. only slight re-
pairs to the roof from time to time,
the little house OF worship Is still
in use each Sunday. with the excep-
tion of the second Sunday of each
month, at which time the minister,
Rev. John Gibson CAN'T, of Solo
mons Island. holds services in an
other chapel some miles distant.
The little congregation numbers
among its members many descend
ants OF those who established the
original chapel. and many of these
have purchased memorial windows
which bear the names of their
forbears.
Unfortunately. we could not gain
admission to the quaint little build
ing, but stolen glances through the
low windows showed an interior
which bore the complexion of yes
teryear. even to the locks on the
doors. which consisted of a wooden
bar dropped into a groove on each
side of the door.
At Prince Frederick stands a
county building of the latest ar
chitectural design and ultra mod
ern in every respect. This building
located just a few miles from the
quaint chapel OF 174s, \carries one
quickly from yesterday TO today.
In tune with the surroundings
and the perfect weather conditions,
the motor of the Maxwell automo-
bile crooned like a happy baby and
sped onward toward the goal, up
hill and downhill, with equal ease.
Not once did 1t become necessary to
stop for the need OF repairs, nor did
the mechanism opce refuse to re-
spond to the wont of the driver.
The scenery, the day and the auto
mobile were all without fault
Expertness in the art of plotting
an automobile is the distinction
which can, without question, be
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

persons saluted him hailed him ant
called salutations to him. Even a
traffic policeman. who said some
thing about speeding. knew him
well and made Inquiries about his
health
But there is no wonder. for Mr..
Lesry is a man Of pleasing per-
sonaiity and of a jovial nature
one of those fellows who. immedf-
ately upon introduction, impresses
one with being a jolly good fellow
and a mSa whom one wants to In
clude among his best friends"
Another incident which gives
high recommendation to the Max
well automobile occurred several
times during the trip. when Max
well owners were encountered on
the road-persons who had made
their purchases from Mr.. Leary-
and who stated that their car was
giving them service of the first or
der" and that they had definitely
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

EXPECT LEESBURG
ROAD TO OPEN
Completion of Highway
Saves 100 Miles Motor
Travel.

The old washington-Leesbur
DAD will be open for travel be-
tween these two cities by the mid
Ole of the summer. Is the announce
ment made yesterday By D. g
Mackall. vice president of the
Washington, Great Falls and Lees
burg Highway Company.
Ninety thousand dollars of the
sl00, 900 for which bonds were is
sued have been sold" said Mr..
Mackall, "the latest purchasers be-
Ing w. B. Hibbs and W. e. Burling.
of Washington The road has been
completed to SCOTS Run. and the
grading as far as Elkins from that
point to Drainsville Is now being
graded. The road for the Great
Flass bra3eh has been located ana
survey for estimates Is now being
made. We expect to have the road
completed from Washington to
Leesburg before the middle Of the
summer"
With the completion of this high
way. motor owners will save about
100 miles in travel and will have a
direct route from the Nations Capt.
tai to Leesburg. The travel now 10
by way OF Rockville and Frederick
and then to the Shenandoah Valley.
The road is said to be one of the
oldest in the country. and Is the
one over which valuable state
papers were carried at the time
Washington was burned by the
British. The scenery is said to be
the most picturesque In Virginia
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11
FIRMS PRODUCTION
PASSES 6 MILLION
MARK LAST MONTH
Ford's Daily Output
Totals Nearly 5000
Vehicles.

The total production Of Ford carr
passed the 100000 marx on nay
is 10 the Information Just received
by the local Ford brsnche<.- This
gives . production In excess q
100000 for the past yesr-ths
SCOT. 900 mark having been schisvs1
on May 90. 1871.
OF this stsgEering total Of s.ooe.-
900 cars and trucks. s.si7.sss havs
been delivered to purchasers IN the
United States alone and the rnost
recent statistics show that lf7s.1<s
Of this number are still. in daily
service.
When considerations 10 Efven %
the fact that the present type motor
has been In production for fourteen
years and that four out ef ever
I've Ford cars and trucks during
this period are stili In actual daily
service. the popular conception Of
the long life Of Ford cars 10 sub
stantially borne out
Daily production at the Ford Mo-
tor Company is now close TO 5000
cars-the record one-day output Of
4.s7s having been achieved on May
le and on the previous working
day In May %sti cars were COM
pleted.
May production WIN total iso.ocv
and the estimated output for June
has already been raised TO Ice. e.ooe.
which is the greatest production
output for n sfuHlA rnorfh svsr
aimed at by 10000.
The distribution Of Ford cars ana
trucks throughout the country IL
almost evenly distributed in reis-
tion to population In every State
with the Eastern States with their
densely populated cities 20 the
Western States with their sparseIy
settled communities.
Eight States show q total Of
over 100000 cars and trucks in
service-Ohio leading with aso.7es.
with Illinois, Pennsylvania Texas.
Michigan. New York. Iowa and Cali
ifornia following In the order
named
Ford dealers have asked for q to-
tai OF 1s4.7Bo Ford cars and trucks
to meet their June requirements
Every effort is being made at the
Ford factories TO take care OF this
enormous volume OF business which
is far In excess of any demand ever
before experienced by the company
During the past several months.
sales have been steadily increasing
and the present demand is growing
at q rate In excess Of the ability OF
the manufacturing company 70 meet
shipping requirements
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

made up their mind never TO drive
an automobile Of any other make.
But, to return to Solomons Is
land. After the automobile sight
seeing trip the members of the
party visited the warehouse of II.
N. woodburn Sons and Company.
located along the water front, and
there saw some of the choice nsh
and crabs which are taken from
the waters in the vicinity.
During this visit one of the mem
bers OF the party-one who had
never before witnessed fishermen at
work-stood for a while watching
the process Of packing soft-shelI
crabs. Then, to the amusement Of
the fishermen. asked why soft-shell
crabs did not get hard shells. After
the smiles had passed the inquirer
was Informed that soft-shell crabs
would become hard-shell crabs II
they were permitted to remain in
the water a longer while.
Following a choice dinner Of tasty
soft-shell crabs and broiled fsh the
party chartered a motor craft and.
armed with hooks ant lines and the
necessary bait-by this we mean
crab meat-set out into the Patux-
ent River to spend several hours
hauling in FISH as fast as the lines
could be re-baited.
While following this form of
Amusement Mr.. Leary. who seemed
destined to play the leading role
In the whole expedition, hooked a
fve-pound rockhsh. the FIRST to be
caught with a hook and line at the
place this year. He was compli-
mented upon his skill by the fisher
men Of the community bat modest
ly declared that the catch was
wholly "a matter of luck"
Two hours later,the fishing party
returned to shore with a catch that
would have done justice to Isaac
Walton. the father Of angling. This
the opportunity to use the aged
pun about the amateur fishermen
who spend the afternoon feedins
the FISH. then return and purchase
a large string So that they might
go back home and tell FISH stories"
about the details Of the catch
Then another trip around the
island and a last, lingering look out
over the river TO the great expanse
OF Chesapeake Bay. and the fisher
men-toUrists climbed back into the
automobile. carefully guarding the
fish and prepared for the return
trip.
1t was with a feeling OF regret
that the island was left behind All
were wordy in their description Of
its beauties and its natural appro-
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

laid upon the brow Of whitney
Leary. He Unanswered the nve-
passenger car with the same ease
as the average man might demon
strate in walking. He rounded
curves with caution, but at the
same time with decision. 1t was
the masterful manner in which he
controlled the machine that as
sisted in making the trip one Of
the most enjoyable ever participat-
ed in by the writer.
Then, too, another word about the
automobile; 1t is constructed ac-
cording to the very latest improve
ments in the motor world and
every detail is properly in accord
with the other. 1t is perfectly ball
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11

pristeness as a vacation or summer
ing place II Is quiet and restful
and an ideal place for a person who
spends the greater portion OF the
year in a city to spend q few Heeks
during the summer.
Mr.. Leary, who planned the trip.
may not know 81 but he has shown
the writer a bit Of beauty and a
resting place he had never before
knew existed. So pleased am that
to motorists planning weekend
trips i heartily recommend Solo
mons Island, Nd.
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11
Arriving at solomons Island. the

Arriving at Solomons Island. the
party drove around the place in the
automobile. visiting some of the
most important points of interest,
still under the direction of Mr..
Leary, who. judging by the great
number of people who called him by
name. shook his hand and informed
him they were glad to see him.,
does not limit his acquaintance to
Washington alone.
As sales manager. Mr.. Leary is
one of the best, probably because
he is known to more people than
it seems possible for one man to
become acquainted with in a life
time. Everywhere, in this city and
en- route, as well as at the island.
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11
anced in every respect and holds to

anced in every respect and holds to
the road In a fashion which is un-
surpassed by any machine, or any
design. Although 1t is not equipped
with specially attached shock ab-
,sorbers, its springs are so sensi-
tive that the striking of a depres-
sion in the road causes no incon-
venience to those who are riding
within the car.
As for lines, 1t is artistic as well
as efficient. Its curves are proper
ly placed and its surfaces so ar
ranged as to make the whole OF
the body one that spells class" on
any road. In any city, or in the
ms0t of any group of varying au-
tomobile models.
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11
STRESSES PAVING
PRACTICENGTIE
More Attention Should Be
Given Development Of
Highways.
By PREyosr HuBBARD.

II In an almost incomprehensfble
fact that in building our State and
county Highways systems more
weight has not been attached 20
paving practice in our cities where
many Of the problems of meeting
heavy and varied traffic conditions
were successfully solved before
such conditions made their appear
ance on /, country and suburban
highways. In our cities the origi-
nal water-bound macadam and
gravel roads have for the most
part given way to higher types Of
construction until today they con-
stitute an average Of only about &c
per cent OF the. total yardage. The
three most widely used city types
are asphalt. brick and stone block.
II we eliminate the water-bound
pavements we nnd that of the
higher city types asphalt consti-
tutes about IS per cent. brick about
10 per cent and stone block about
IL per cent. giving a total of IS
per ceut for these three types.
The Washington herald., 1922-06-11
Crank Cns< Care

A good way TO prevent oil leak
ing out OF the crank case through
the bolt-holes is to back of the
studs a quarter OF an inch and then
wind several turns OF cotton twine
around the bolts p.