The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1922-05-31

made 2,UoI ang IN the tariff bill
as 1t was formulated and passed by the
house of representatives. Figures oc-
%casionally tell d story. Seemingly
they do SO in this ase.
With more than two thousand
amendments proposed by the senate
for the house bill II is easy enough TO
understand why the debate on the
measure Is expected to run along until
tired nature calls u halt. Any stumper
who desires to discuss the tariff bill
intelligently during the coming con-
gressional campaign must sit up late
nights and burn much oil In his stu
dents lamp.
The tariff measure is a formidable
looking document. Just how much of
q figure the bill will cut in the COM
ing election nobody as yet knows. yir-
| tually every day the Congressional
| Record gives some thirty-fve or forty
puges of print to the speeches made In
the senate OH the day previous. The
tariff Is one thing apparently that
cannot be talked to death.
Occasionally there is some humor to
be found In the customs laws or In
their preparation, or in their enforce
ment or non-enforcement. During the
hearings in the finance committee OF
the senate OH the Payne-Aldrich bill
the provision of the measure affecting
chemicals was under consideration. A
New York man representing the manu-
facture of cel,uloid in New Jersey was
on the stand. The committee was dis
cussing the question of the duty on
things which. enter into celluloid man.
ufacture.
Suddenly Senator Kern of Indiana.
who since that day has died, turned to
the witness and said sternly but with
something of n CLINT In his eye, Are
you responsible for the celluloid col
lars?"
Yes, l invented them," replied the
witness.
well" said the senator, my
search Is over. l have been trying to
locate the responsibility for celluloid
collars for years.
John Wilkes Tariff Story.
John L. Wilkie of Chicago, n time
and for a long time chief of the Unit
ed States secret service. wrote a tariff
or Il near tariff story ON years ago
Which, like Charles Reade's Hard
Cash." was II mutter-of-fact tale. The
story fingers In the memory Of Wash
ingtonians.
A prominent American woman was
visiting In China. Just before she was
to set sail for the United States a
friend presented her with some spe-
cially grown Chinese tea, worth, 1t was
said, something like $25 a pound. The
gift was received, and then the Amer
lean woman knew the beginning of a
not want to pay tariff on the tea
when she took it into America and yet
she knew that to smuggle 1t In was
something like a crime. Taking the
tea she put 1t into small, separate
packages and hid it in various places
about her personal belongings.
On the way from China to Honolulu
where the vessel stopped the Amer
lean woman dreamed nightly of mer
in uniform boarding the ship at the
Hawaiian port, discovering the SNUG
Y gled y rticle and Juggling her off to jail
ne slept pore ~pneasily than 4
t1iea 4 xesscsed an
?6hd night, D6t her determination telt
to get that tea home without payinf
the government anything.
Her Conscience Conquered.
From Honolulu to San Francisco
her conscience and her fears Jointly
kept her sleepless. but she hung or
grimly to the determination to get heI
spoils In unobserved at any hazard,
Her baggage was examined at San
Francisco and apparently the customs
officer discovered nothing dutiable
The danger over and with her tea
safely In her trunk and with no furth-
er fear of detection, the American
woman sped to Washington.
After arriving in the capital she
found that her conscience Still
troubled her and that sleep was not
wooed as easily as in the days of her
non-smuggling innocence. She invited
her friends TO partake of the delect-
able tea, but she had little gladness at
her five o'clocks.
Finally conscience conquered her
and she went straigh. to the Treasury
department, to the proper official
thereof, and tearfully told him of her
guilt. saying that she was willing to
pay the duty thrice ovcr to get back
the innocence that onc was hers. In
her mind she reviewed the terrors of
the voyage including the sleeplessness
of her nights.
"How much duty shall I pay on the
tea?" she asked. "And please don't
send me to jail"
The official looked at her with
amused kindness. He said:
MADAM, there is no duty on tea"
Telepathy.