The New York herald., 1922-12-08
WILL ROGERS HELPS
ADJ men TO LAUGH
Remarks That Prohibition
Agents Are Now Under
selling the Police.

Will Rogers told the Advertising
Club, at luncheon yesterday. that he
seemed to have degenerated into kind
of long distance after dinner speaker.
and that IT. had got so that the head
waiter signalled for the finserbowls
and VIII Rogers. with one and the
same twirl of the thumb He realized
chuckling advertising experts, but he
hoped he hadn't slid so far he couldn't
get respectable again.
II guess / have just degenerated into
this line OF work sorta temporary like"
said the lanky Oklahoman. as he
grinned broadly and languidly masti-
Gated his. gum; ''just temporary like
until something better shows up. But
don't get ME wrong. I'm no Chauncey
Depew yet and derned f l wanta be-"
Will was the bright star of the
peakers Luncheon. and was heartily
hailed by both c. X. Woodbridge, presi-
dent of the club. and by Paul Meyer.
who was called upon by Woodbridge
specially to introduce the slickest roper
of them all. Mr.. Woodbridge read a
letter from E. +. Albee of the Keith
Theater interests praising Rogers along
with Will Hays. Augustus Thomas and
Fred Stone. among others. 1t was this
letter which gave Will his cue and he
proceeded thereaftersto jbe Friend AL
bee as an Introduction to a lot of very
fancy fleering and flouting and light
girding. Clemenceau. the Advertising
Club itself. real estate men and pro-
hibition were all targets for the shafts
of wit let fly by the amusing person
from Broadway. More than 800 thor
oughly enjoyed the party.
You know this custom of introduc-
ing speakers ought TO be abolished" !"
said Rogers. earnestly chewing a wad
OF gum. Next to abolishing speakers
they ought to abolish the introductions
Why. say. know L. II. Albee. and he
never wrote that letter a-tall. There
are words in that letter that Albee
can't even spell. Another thing. you
can't tell me Albee thinks that much OF
me. He might try TO make you think
that he thinks a lot of me. but he won't
pay me in comparison to that fancy
letter. know cause tried for a
couple OF weeks.
"Touchin' on speaking. fellows. hon.
festly. don't learn It. II you are already
in that class get out. Don't do this
terrible thing Somebody has got TO
run our trucks and elevators and street
cars. I tell lies on the stage and you--
we'll. anyway, every gag I try to put
over has got to be based on the truth
anyway. That's where our businesses
separate. boys.
AT that guess could get into your
jobs. I'm a little weak on grammar.
but all you have to have is a lot of
adjectives. When you want to change
Jobs all you've got to do is Just pack
up the old typewriter and your package
OF adjectives and move. One of your
members said to me. Why, VIII. don't
you know they've got to know all about
the business they're ADVERTISING Hon
est, don't make me laugh! And real
estate, Boy. that's the postgraduate
course for liars. Did you fellows ever
figure what would happen II you acct
dentally told the truth? OF course it's
revolutionary idea, but imagine u II
you can. Why. just imagine an ad like
this for a fellow out In Pelham whose
house they have got to sell I've got a
little home In Pelham don't like neigh
borhood: It's no bargain: certain room
leaks when II rains I'll bet they'd
have TO get out the traffic cops to chase
, the crowds away from that house next
day.
"Clemenceau is giving society a chance
to try new fad. but I'm afraid II
won't take. Getting up at a. NJ Is
bad enough. but getting up 10 onion
soup. over here I've always thought
that onion soup was an odor, not a
ganda is for the last war and not drum
min up trade for new war. We're
two bonuses behind as Il Is.
Greece did gooi thing though.
They shot whole Cabinet Englande
Cabinet just resigned the other day.
but no such luck over there. Next week
Congress Is going to start TO work fix
ing UP the Ten Commandments--if any
one knows what they are. They're al
ready doctoSng up the poor old Con-
stitution. ~ seems as though our
Founders didn't know 80 much. Then
there's the ship subsidy. That's too
good TO get through. There's n lot OF
trouble In tho world anyhow. Did you
notice how the proh bition agents are
underseling the police? That comes
from stopping England's boats on the
high seas. The prohibition agents do
that. That lets 'em nndersell all com.
petitors. They have no overhead like
the police have"