Arizona republican., 1922-05-13
LARDNER WEEKLY LETTER
cor A LITTLE RADIO N YOUR HOME2

To the Editor
don't. suppose by this time that
they's more than a few families left
in the world that amt got little
radio in their home though personly
we are still without one is you half
to pay cash for same and ara way
they amt nobody in my family that
can tell a wave length from lightn-
ing rod and if anthing was to get out
of order ON our machine we would
half to hire a piano tuner from She
nectady or somewheres.
But Great Neck has got its share
Of the machines and | been lucky
enough to be invited to a couple
homes where they had them and will
admit they are a great institution
and libel to go a long ways towards
keeping the men and boys in nights
though in good many cases l would
rather have them out if was mother
The places | have been to hear
them why they was connected with
sending stations in Newark. Schnec-
tady and Pittsburgh and if you did
mt like the program that was going
on one place why you could change
plugs and switch to another which
sounds like a grand scheme but the
trouble with it is that you pretty
near always seem to go from bad to
worse
Well we started out one night with
Schenectady and heard a voice say
that the program would open up with
the baseball scores for that r. NJ. and
he says St Louis or somebody had
beat N. Y. in the American League
by a score of to and just as he
said it the instrument let out ter
rifle bIatt and | thought maybe it
was Huggins squawking to one of
the umpires but our host said it was
static
What Causes New Jersey Murders
Whatever it was we did mot hear
no more baseball scores but personly
| didn't raise no howl about that as
| figure that person that has got
any kind of self control can wait for
the morning papers to tell how the
ball games come out a specially in
May.
Well the next number was a bed
time story but it wasn't much more
than z o'clock and vile that may be
bed time in Schenectady why most of
we Great Neck folks don't hardly
ever turn in till and sometimes 12
past so we switched off of Schnec-
tady and cut in on WY which is
code for Newark
Well a gal started to sing | love
you truly and / made the remark
that no wonder they was so many
murders in New Jersey and another
of the boys said he didn't think they
had been quite enough.
The next piece was a cornet solo
which was mostly what they call
triple tongue work and 1t would of
drove me right to Pittsburgh If | had
i, 4
cornet playing and set there beating
time with his tongue till the last
squawk.
When we finely got to Pittsburgh
a man was just commencing a
speech about a new expedition to
the Pole but the next thing you know
he was makeing a political speech
about what a big mistake it would
be to cut down the personnel of our
navy just at this time and here is
his speech verbatim as near as
can remember same:
with the far eastern question still
unsettled in spite of the forward
strides taken by the disarmament
surely not the time to reduce our
static squaWk blah ma-a-a-a-a
1.-The present personal of the II. S.
navy amounts to blatt, where as the
least possible number of men who
could man it properly would be a-a-
a-a-a, buzz-z-z-z squawk.
when asked the other day what
he thought about the reduction in
naval personal Asst, Secretary
Roosevelt said ah-h-h-h-h bizz- z.
buzZ-z.
mo country on the great green
footstool desires peace more earnest
~ than the Y. S but blah. bizz-z-z.
dot dash. two dots, dash. ma -a-a-a."
The host Informed us that these
last few noises was a police station
cutting in. but ! don't know if they
got the guy or not.
Shakespeare's Bedtime Story
His speech was followed up by a
guy talking on the business outlook
and he give quotations from the peo-
pie that owns the steel Co and own
ers of different big factories and
dept. stores and they all seemed to
think between blatts that the busi-
ness outlook was pretty bright. This
come as a big surprise because you
take most capitalists and when you
ask them for publication what they
think about the business outlook they
generally always break right down
and cry
The closeing number of the pro-
gram from Pittsburgh or wherever
we was switched TO BY that time was
a reading from Shakespeare by one
-. Il IL.