New-York tribune., 1922-10-25
The 71ower
Corr. New York Tribune iac. 1875

many ho0SeHoluS rs an aStpHiSHlHE piSSe
! Of ows.-Capt. Fitzurse, In cynical
moment, once remarked to. us: There
arc two kinds Of women, those who
! think aloud continuously and those who
are aloud continuously without think
/ ing.H-The old demon is too foxy to pull
anything like that where 1t can bo over
heard by n member of the fair eek
When he Is all toddied up to the placo
where he can't hear straight, see
straight, speak straight or walk straight
he rises quite tically and mur-
F, murs "rhe ladies', God bless 'em -
And then Edom, his colored servant,
gently insinuates him into bis bed
1t has been noticed by great many
persons lately that the Captains hair
| is growing darker--The natural in
ference is that he DIVES it.--.But no r.
+; The Captain explains that ON his ninety
! four h birthd.y HE h " he
out. But it was the white hair that
fell ou.--New hair began to como in
/ last spring and it was black hair that
came in.Edom preserves discreet
silence.--And the Captain himself is un-
! able TO exploin slight ereenish 'inee
that came about his temples last sum-
| We never asked him about it but once.
He fixed ns with his wide, excitable
eve /. that eve which is some
times grey ard sometimes dark, and al
WAYS of ifsalf luminous Sir" said the
Captain, "ths is hell Of an ege, this
age in which the color Of a gen.lemans
h"ir excites comments A damned med
| dlesome, democratic, plebeian age, sir!
An sbominabe, eossipv. underbred sge!
! Where, sir, where in hell, sir, are your
manners? Heb? We're you PERM ted,
when you were little boy, to question
/ persons of quality with regard to their
hair, their teeth, their Mills. thnir cloth
/ ing, their toilet generality MOI You
were not? Then why do you presume
to do i now, sir? Damn it, sir, have
tlemsn to the field of honor for COM
menting on my hsir. But there no
longer Is n field OF honor. BY gad, sir,
there Is no longer either taste or honor!"
The Captain fingered his sword cane
neryously as he smoke. and we cid not
| pursue our inoniry.--But we have
theory about his hair.--We think it
possible that he got his dark hair in
much the same manner as he got the
new fingers on his right hand.--Tn 1857
| the Captain lost three fingers fr"-o his
ri,"ht hand in fight with Chinese
| pirates off the coast of Borneo Be
| tween Two and three years ago the Cap
tain disappeared and was out Of the
public eye for nearly three months.
When he reapneared he had three new
fingers on his right hand We persisted
until we got the story from him.--The
Captain has a great many enemies; he
| has acAivo aarutrA In or,o rte
OF the globe.-There are always in
America, SO Edom tells US. from ten to
/ fifteen relentless foes who are forever
, on the Captains track.-The Captain
permitted three of these foes to find
him, one after another, and in e series
Of brilliant duels laid them hors do
combat.
He srared their lives, but exacted q
finer from each.-The fnoers were
grated on, and are now giving satis-
faction.-He handles the broadsword
almost as we'll as formerly, and the
pistol and rapier fully as we'll as in
/ his hot romantic youth.-We say moth
ing of the corkscrew.-But it seems
possible to us that he got at lea st
some Of his new dark hair in much the
there and half dozen dis
comfited enemies, partially bald, par
TALLY scalped, in fact, to pay for It'll
We made discreet inquiries with regard
to his glandular system at the time he
confessed to Us where the new fingers
came from.--He drew himself erect
and answered with dignity: II have the |
glandular system, sir, that God gave
me, and need none other!"-T3ut II he
the Captain would go get it-Honor-
ably, and with observance of all the
formal niceties of The duello. but ef- !
fciently, by CAD, sir, efficiently.-The
CAPTAIN is very busy just now on his
Epic Poem, history of his own life
written in heroic couplets, which will
be bound in the same volume with his
prose Autobiography.
We violate no confidence when we
announce that the poem begins with
the invocation: "Hatl, MUSES. Nine!n-
The opening lines are, in fact:
Hail. Muses. Ninei Hero Peter dc
solieits you to help him with his verse!
We asked the Cantein about the de-.
"The word of" he repl'ef, would have
seemed an affectation in one, descended
quered England for Duke William; and
had to have something. in there for
the sake of the meter"-We wish to
deny that Capt. Fitzurse ever said, as
| ne has been quoted as saying, that he
is really the King of Ireland What he
said was: "If my mother had had her
rriphfts she would have been Queen of
ireland."-This is a well known fact
in the part of Virginia from which the
Captain comes, and any one who doubts
1t is referred to the Captain himself.
But" says the Captain, magnani-
mously, II have never borne any ami
mostly toward the reigning family Of
ENGLAND. They are upstarts, compared
te the Fitzurse family, it is true.-But
Napoleon was called an upstart in his
day. too; do not forget thet.-And
eleven hundred years ago the Fitzurgea
| themselves were referred to as un-
| starts although the nersors
who SO referred to them, I have no
doubt, were soon shoveled into un-
honored graves"
With I'd IN