Norwich bulletin., 1922-07-08
GETTING USED TO EACH OTHER.


 GETTING USED TO EACH OTHER.
 Dear Social Corner Editor and Sis ters: I have received a great many in vftatiens to write on the subject dt- veree. Now I want to state that I was happily married, and I should do it over again without a moments hesitta- tion. Of course, should do things diff ferently, and then perehance I should not then have any experience to pass on to another sister, at the starting of the ways. Getting used to each other Is complicated and somewhat painful process, and, despite frequent assertions to the contrary I do not believe there is one couple in thousand that escapes getting pricked in the process. I did not believe this before I married, I ad- | mitted that young inexperienced people who married before they fully under stood the responsibilities they assumed might have their difficulties, but I did not suppose for an instant that my su- perior wisdom would fail to dispose of any small difficulties at once. I must admit I did not include my husband in this lofty attitude; in my imaginings he was always the trangressor, and I stretched out lofty and benignant | forgiveness to his transgEession.
 Considering the first five years of our Life, honestly and soberly, be- lieve that I was more to blame than he for the little rifts within the lute1 was a successful self supporting woman, with no need of marrying for a home, and liked my work; so that there was no complications at traction was an attraction pure and l simple. My husband was not well enough off to offer me anything I could not get for myself There was | ,0f Al sfor 1f parental opposition, CT anything of I that kind. To any outsider, the af- | fair was prosaic enough. We want | ed to nlarry, and we married, and
 settled down to keep house, and, So i far as the world knew not @ ripple marred our happiness.
 And the cause of all our qnhappi-
 ness was that relatives of mine had given me money in lieu of a wed- ding gift. My husband had suggest 1 ed putting the fund one way, and I objected. I said the relative want | ed 90 and so My husband respoded that The supposed the money was to | buy what We wanted not what they wanted, then remarks flew thick and fast each one sillier than the other. until we
 were quarreling, vularly quarFeling, 1 and I was becoming more agitated every minute. I rushed from the room with wet eyes, leaving a dis guested husband sitting at. the break i fast table. His disgust was mainly
 at my weeping. He did not see why,
 merely because we did mot agree, should have a fit of mysteries, and, to ] tell the truth, I did not, either; but I had mysteries just the same, and, 1 after a very uncomfortable hour, i descended with aching head and red | eyes, to resume with somewhat more
 composure, the subject we had been | discussing. My husband refused to
 discuss the topic further, and it was dropped.
 The most serious thing about that
 quarrel, as about most matrimonial but the long train of nasty little after
 thoughts that haunted me the follow ing weeks. I think that these are the real menaces to happy married life
 rather than the quarrels themselves
 found myself feeling injured, a kind
 of permanent feeling that made me
 expect Fred to be always doing
 something to make up. I do not
 know what he had to make up. I die
 not know then. I never reasoned it ou1
 at all. I simply let myself feel -tha way, and encouraged that feeling un- til it became sort of obsession witt me that colored every situation. As I look back, it seems to me tha 1 is a pernicious habit most common among young women, this 1uxuriat- ! ing injury. A man forgives, and it i over. But a woman forgives, ol : thinks she does. and then proceeds t ! exact penance forever after It is al ! ungenereus attitude to say the least
 and it is a dangerous one. No on likes to live with martyr, and a ma whose wife is perpetually injured i 7 pretty sure to have his affection fo 2 her materially lessened. Feelings ar ] likely to overrule leic, and eve eauable and we'll ordered individual 3 are likely to be sadly shaken out Q 5 their accustomed, and do strang l things.
 Our second quarrel illustrated thi nicely. I was sitting out on the pore with friends gaily telling story when I finished, my husband bega e correcting my statements. One b,