davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
THEY'RE HUMAN
William AthertOn Du Puy

John Agee IL tho man with the whistle"
with Ringing Brothers circus-the man who
signals the changes in the giddy whirl of the
performance.
He told interesting thing the other
day-a sentimental thing in the lives of the
hardy nomads that go to make up the personnel
Of these entertainers of the multitude.
Whenever the circus. in its wanderings,
reaches town in which any individual who
has been part of it has died and been buried
the circus band steals away from the clamorous
crowds, gets over to the cemetery where the
dead comrade is buried and there plays quite
solemnly over his last resting place.
She was n trim little business and
she stood there bravely at the cashiers wicket
to pay the monthly installment on her piano
She gossped in a friendly way about her con-
fidence in getting it paid for before she wore
it out. and maybe she would get a raise some
day.
quietly elegant lady stood and
heard. After the installment payer was gone
she inquired about her. learned that she a
working girl who loved music that she
buying a piano out of her small savings.
The quiet lady asked how much she owed
and was given the amount-$90. She wrote
check for the amount. under pledge that her
a name very familiar to you and to me-a name
/ would not tell you for all the world. for doing
so would spoil a fair deed
Congressman Theodore E. Burton of Ohio,
who used to be Senator, who retired, who
bored by business. and who came back to the
House last election. is one of the greatest stu
dents in Congress. 1t is because Of his exhaus-
tive information on European conditions that
he was recently appointed by the President
a member of the commission that is to handle
the funding of the national debt.
Early in the war matters were grave and
men in authority talked long and earnestly over
the trying situations that Reporters
were prone to wait outside the Foreign Rela-
tions Committee of the Senate for of
what happened within Those waits often pro-
longed themselves far into the evening
And when they over Senator might
be asked what under consideration that
had held them so late. The answer likely
to be that Senator Burton had been lecturng to
them on the moves of the war, had been giving
them the background of its every development.
Copyright, 1920
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
HAVE YOU KINDNESS IN YOUR
HEART?

II you are not willing to forget what
ia due you and think hardest about what
YOU can do for others your Christmas spirit
is not the right sort.
When you feel that something is coming
TO you and that, by rights 1t is the
hardest thing in the world to down the
resentment when II does not come, think
what is your duty to the other fellow.
Nevertheless, until we have this self.
control this humility of spirit we are not
in the right mood to be thankful for the
mercies of health and loved ones around us.
Instead of thinking about the many
things you have had in by-gone days and
wasting time in vain regrets, cut your
cloth according to the material and bestow
some little kindness which costs no money
just loving thoughtfulness.
Write a card each to your friends-a
newsy letter about honey things to those
who are a little nearer-a wish for good
which has the ring OF true friendship, Is
better than a silver cup or other expensive
present.
Have you kindness in your heart regard.
less of what has happened TO you?
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
The TOpsy-TurUy Life.

IYERE is important scientific
III news: Goo-gu, the human
- pendulum, clownish aero
bat from the wilds of Czecho-
slovakia or Timbuctoo or some
such place, became seasick on his
trip across the ocean. He went
on deck and hung himself by his
toes upon a horizontal bar, swing
ing to and fro with the motion of
the ship. His seasickness van
ished.
This knowledge will come as a
boon to the thousands who would
love to cross the ocean were it
not for the fear of mal-de-mer. If
it should turn out to be true every
ship will be equipped with long
rows of horizontal bars upon
which the passengers can swing
by their toes. The ladies will, of
course, have to wear bloomers.
Who knows how much could be
accomplished in the future if the
whole human race went through
life standing on their headsi
Many a statesman and reformer
has tried it and got away with it.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
SOURCE OF IVORY

Most of the ivory is obtained by
digging and not by shooting.
Elephants have their code of customs.
One of these Is that member of the herd
must die amongst his fellows. When an old
elephant feels that his course is run, he sepa-
rates himself from the herd and makes for it's
graveyard--for each herd has burial ground
of its own.
This is always a swampy tract of land over
grown with trees and rank vegetation. Here
he dies, and his great body buries itself by its
own huge weight in the soft soil
Many of these elephant graveyards are
known to the African natives, who make
journeys to them each year for the purpose
of digging out the ivory tusks. Few white men
have ever one, for the natives keep their
whereabouts n close secret, knowing that an
elephant graveyard Is valuable a gold
mine =.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
HOW COULDIKNOW?
BY ANGELA MORGAN.

TTOW could know that this, which meant
II to me
- My going forth into Infinity,
Flesh left behind and selfishness forgot,
Love but the shining sea where sin is not
Life but an ocean luminous and vast
In which our separate spirits merged at last.
me
Beauty and light and sheer divinity,
Should mean the doom of your aspiring soul,
The flood that swept your being from its goal;
That like a strong-armed swimmer you would
take
The cruel course, for love and duty's sake;
Nor looking back across the enchanting sea
Would strike your path alone away from me!
Copyright by King Features Syndicate, Inc.)
1t s easy to play Hamlet but II Is the
hardest job In the world to be funny-Charlie
Chaplin
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
Juggling
the Bonus
THE soldiers certificate bonus

a nuSe majority. UnQer tnlS
bonus bill-or bogus bill, as it
was called on the floor-the Gov
ernment provides no revenues
with which to pay the soldiers
what it admits is due them.
Instead each soldier would be
given a twenty-year Government
bond or soldiers certificate for
about $4OO. 1t is provided that
he may take this certificate to a
bank and borrow half its face
value.
The bankers of the country bit
terly oppose the bill on the ground
that the Government should un-
load its long-term obligations
upon investors, not commercial
banks, which would be saddled
with over a billion dollars of
"frozen" assets.
1t has been the general opinion
that the President would veto this
bill because it did not meet the
requirements he specified in a
letter to Mr.. Fordney a month
ago.. The President there speci-
fed that there must be no bond
issue and that there must be no
cash bonus without a sales tax.
House leaders insist that this
bill meets the President de-
mands. There are to be no bonds;
instead they are called soldiers
certificates. The change in name
lets the President accept the bill,
they say, without a change in
stand.
The House leaders further as
sert that this is no cash bonus,
for the banks are forced to sup
ply the cash instead Of the Treas
ury.
They insist that they would not
pass a bill that would be vetoed
and thus bring on themselves re-
sponsibility for the failure of
bonus legislation.
They claim that the Senate will
likewise take this soldiers certifi-
cate bonus bill or something rep
resenting a very slight modifica-
tion of it.
Senate leaders close to the Ad-
ministration confirm this view.
They claim the sales tax is po-
litically impossible at the mo-
ment.
The truth is that the President
by the full exercise Of his power
might have insisted upon a bonus
with sales tax. This, however,
would have alienated the agricul-
tural bloc in both House and Sen
ate, and the President has enough
trouble already.
So the Republican machine has
taken the "easiest way" having
the banks provide the soldiers
with money now and having the
Government find the revenues
somehow, some time, later, in
three or twenty years.
It is a rare piece of political
opportunism and devious finance.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Copyright. 1874
X. C.. B.

Dear X. C. B.-I have friend who has an
office in one of the downtown office buildings,
and all winter he has been feeding the doves
that come to his window every morning and
afternoon. Last Sunday met him coming out
of the office building and said to him: "Busi-
ness must be very good when you have to work
on Sunday" 81 wasn't working" he answered.
81 had to come down to feed the birds"
What do you make of nut like that?
FRANK WATSON.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
AreThere Men lUith Tails?

q AMUEL HUBBARD, of Oakland, CAL, read in th(
~ San Francisco Examiner about Kaffir savag|
with horns like those of sprngbok" to be take
to London and exhibited. He now writes of native
with tails in the Philippine Islands, His letter will
interest those that would like to know how we started
on this earth. Mr. Hubbard says:
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

MY DEAR Frank. 4
HE'S A rarity.
THIS FRIEND of
yours.
BUT NOT for the
reason.
HE FEEDS the !
doves.
THAT COME each
day.
TO HIS office
window. J
FOR THIS little old !;
world.
is FULL of folk.
WHO AMUsE
themselves.
BY FEEDING |
doves.
THAT COME their
way.
I'VE DONE it |
myself.
AND ENJOYED |
myself.
AND HAVE gone
my way.
QUITE SATISFIED.
AND WITH never a
thought.
OF ANYTHING else.
BUT JUST myself.
AND THERE it is.
THAT TEDDY
differs.
FROM THE common
run.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

ERANCE has been our
sister Republic so long
that their male citizens are
starting to act like sisters.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
EngL
Recdptures
~ Her COLOnu
THE Senate of the United
States has voted to abandon

Tie hulcI lCdu POilCy VI ihuO
pendence and adopt the Euro
pean policy of alliances.
1t voted for an alliance, not with
all the nations of the earth like
the league of nations, but an ex-
elusive alliance to guarantee the
possessions and the indefinable
rights of the three aggressive i'm
perialisms of the earth, Britain,
France and Japan. They are the
same three imperialisms for whose
sake we have just sacrificed
twenty-six thousand millions of
treasure-some of which may
some day be returned to us-and
hundred thousand young Amer
lean lives which can never be re-
turned.
These are the three imperial
isms that now refuse to give us
a penny of German reparation
money to pay the 100000
cost of our army Of occupation
which held it's hand on Germany's
throat while they sucked her
blood.
The Senate commits the coun-
try to an exclusive alliance de-
signed to protect the aggressions
of Japan against our friends, Rus
sia and China.
1t is an alliance to prop up the
tottering British Empire.
1t is an alliance so threatening
that TODAY it is driving to-
gether, for self-protection, the
brains of Germany and the Drawn
of Russia, those two enfranchised
republics gasping for the breath
of life.
Against these men the Senate
votes that our American boys
shall march shoulder to shoulder
with the butchers of the Mikado.
The Republican party, thrust
into power by an avalanche OF
seven million votes plurality be-
cause it rejected the league of
nations-this party betrays the
country into an incomparably
more perilous alliance of war.
These Senators, with all their
high attributes of power, cannot
thus bind this free country.
They have voted to send diplo-
mats abroad to confer and plot
how best to protect the Pacific
interests Of Britain and Japan.
When the first comforting dip
lomats, duped by Balfopr and
Tokogawa, return to call our
boys to the standards of the Ris-
ing Sun and the cross of st.
George, they will return to a peo-
pie informed and alert, adamant
against foreign wiles.
After that first experience, no
more American diplomats will be
sent to confer on such missions.
The Senate has signed check
we never authorized it to sign.
We will stop payment at the bank.
The process of the peoples edu-
cation on this four-power alliance
goes forward. These Senators will
one day wish to heaven they had
observed the gathering storm be-
fore embarking in the frail boat
of this alliance.
The Senators failed us, opened
the gates, let in the foreign foe.
Next November and the succeed
ing Novembers WEpass Judgment
on them.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
THE FAIREST
SEX
Copyrisht. 1893. By Star Company.
By BUGS" BAER.

BAD news from Paris
Nope. France isn't
paging us for more war
debts. Worse than that.
ERENCH aren't going to
stake us TO another
twin Statue OF Liberty.
Ones enough. But it's
worse than that.
FRANCE has been our
sister Republic so long
that their male citizens are
starting to act like sisters.
ROYS pulled their 1922
fashions show over
there with rough male man
nequins and Boy Scout
models. Styles this season
will be corsets for steve
dores. Crepe de chine b.
V. DIS. for motormen. Red
velvet trousers for steeple-
jacks. Lip sticks and
powder puffs for burglars
and vanity cases for street
cleaners.
WASP waists for munic-
w ipal employees and form
fitting clothes for plumb
ers. Pretty soon you will
hear of man being thrown
out OF his lodge for smok-
ing cigars.
MO doubt that we are get
~ ting more effeminate
every day. In about ten
years only individual in u.
s. who looks like man will
be bearded lady in Bar
NUNS
WE don't want to know
w what our men are
coming to.
WHAT we want to know
w is where they have
gone.
MAYBE it's laws that are
AVA doing It. Limit lions
diet to birdseed and even
tually he will trill like ca
nary. Force man to live on
ice cream and ginger ale
and he will start to talk
sweet and low.
WHERE is old-fashioned
man who wore his
trousers inside his boots
and sang bass at Odd Eel
lows Hall?
HE'S gone from haunts of
civilization like bison
and passenger pigeon. His
place is filled by his son,
who smokes cigarettes,
dances and wears cloth.top
shoes.
RoYs. we're getting weak
~ er and weaker.
WONT be long before we
w spend our afternoons
on porches knitting and
telling secrets.
A ND when we take our
~ girls for promenades.
they will walk on gutter
side.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

The authorities at the Smithsonian Institution will be
asked about Mr.. Hubbards interesting suggestion Those
that believe in the Darwinan theory will show you, on
any skeleton, that each possesses little curved
bone, called the coccyx, last bone at the bottom of
the spine Scientists tell you that little bone alone Ne
mains Of the tail that your ancestors had to
flies and perhaps help steer them they jumped FROM
one tree to another
That such with tails actually exists would
most doubtful. Occasionally, through reversion
to much earlier type, you find creatures half human
resembling what may have been their primitive FORM
Children have been born with open gls the neck d
like fish. Darwin says gils.
and especially WHY started Religions longer
teach the creation of he is today only six thousand
years ago. 1t is decided that the texts incorrectly
translated regards the number of years. Skeetons
of men have been found that known to be more
than fifty thousand years old, and very primitive skele
tons looking like gorilas than of this date with
huge teeth and jaws and foreheads half inch high
All this enlightens human beings and inspires greater
admiration for the wisdom that created the and
protects it as it slowly develops.
1t would, Of course, take just great power and I'M
fnitely greater wisdom to do it all scientists say it
has been done than it would merely to create something
lby saying the word.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

from Manila, he showed me q
similar photograph which he
had purchased from an official
photographer in Manila. The
picture was of an adult nude |
man with a distinct tail about
six inches long, standing out at |
right angles to the spine. The
long, protruding teeth were as|
described above. The pointed
ears were not so obvious, a.
they were concealed by the
hair. The two photos might be
Of the same individual, but in
slightly different position.
Motifs information is that
there is such a race of people
living in the northern part of
the Island of Luzon; that there
are about 1900 to 1,400 of
them. The subject is taboo"
as the Filipinos resent the i'm
plication that they are descend
ed from a race of monkeys.
The United States Government
supports them in this attitude
and will not allow photographs
to be sent out of the islands.
There is a disposition to isolate
these people and bring about,
their determination as soon as
possible.
l feel certain that some rec
ord concerning these people can
be found in the Department Of
the Philippines at Washington.
In my opinion, the scientific in
terest involved far transcends
any wound to the SUSCEPTIBLE
ties of the half-civilized Malays
who inhabit the Philippine
Islands.
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

I did not believe there was
any direct relationship between
man and the lower animals.
But "Old Dame Nature" has a
way at times of upsetting our
theories and guesses and there
by teaches us humility: So
listen to this:
A man by the name of
Barton blew in from the Ori-
ent, claiming that he was a
great Asiatic traveller. He
tried to interest some of my
friends to send him back to
Asia with motion picture
outfit to photograph a race of
people he claimed had been
discovered by him. This tribe,
according to his account, num-
bered about 1000 souls. They
had tails growing from the end
of the spine, which were from
six to eight inches long. They
were under slight muscular
control and could be moved
sideways a little. These people
had long protruding upper
teeth which hung over the
lower lip, and they had pointed
ears similar to those the Greeks
put on their sculptured fauns
and satyrs. He refused to di-
vulge the spot in Asia where
they were, but showed a photo
graph of a man answering this
general description.
The photograph looked con-
vincing, but was very skep-
tical. In talking the matter
over with my friend, Gerville
Mott, who had just returned
The Washington times., 1922-03-27
Our Coal and Water,

A new French estimate OF
the worlds waterpower re.
sources credits the United
States with 30,000,000 avail.
able horsepower. Canada
with 25, 900, 900, Aurtria-Hun-
gary with $3.50, 900, italy
and Spain with 5000, 900
each
The Washington times., 1922-03-27

FOR IT'S evident.
HE GIVES a
thought.
TO THE doves
themselves.
OR HE wouldn't
come down.
ON HIS Sunday off.
TO FEED the doves.
HE'D STAY at
home.
AND FORGET the
doves.
AND BE just the
same.
AS YOU and I.
WHO DROP a dime.
IN A blind mans
hat.
HELD UP to US.
BUT BY no. chance.
WOULD EITHER
of us.
co ACROSS a
street.
TO DROP the dime.
AND TEDDY would.
AND SO I'll say.
THAT HE'S a nut.
BECAUSE HE'S
different.
FROM THE most
of us.
AS ALL nuts are.
l THANK you.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03

, where the bu< WIS yN"."&.
Those gcw a,rn Nh" occasionally
Visited 'N~ valley ant the slope never
understood ';H. t,o old men who 'lurS
I'm ra,o u their lonely posts. There
are many mysteries hidden IN u" will
d"ru~ss and Andy and B:ll became n
more ;f.au subjects fcr story ana Spc"n-
r,,,or Andy was forever d'&SjnE in
n MACE where 40 minerals had ever
nera found. MI, waited crc him 10
20. tired and quit. or die. For th'ca
wears. across the. valley. they defIcd
each other. Then Andy gave n.
one day Bill looked M the hill 20
Sro a flag FLYING FROM pole a"s'd" n"
..ai,.u ,ru :, j.uL;ered a pic" or "'"'N.
tho nearest thing .<udy could find :"
resemble u white C3E.
I'm bc cArerul. though" said Ru'
and ne started out. From behind
rock a. SAFE distance, hc called.
come toward me with your hands
Il, and IL do The Same he shouted.
Ten TO-, apart they halted.
"Ir's my idea" said Andy. its time
VIC qui, acting TX" 4 couple OF Tools
You know where The slufs Is any 70"
can't gct /, unless I lot YOU. II"
nodded toward tho dog. ~ You star.
anything. he'll cat YOU W. What DO
YOU say 20 spl'. K even, VIC re h"'h
getting old"
"You'~o ou." said 81 watch your
dog and lets get started Andy gaspcd
and muttSred 10 himself when Ri tor"
away tho floor &C tn" cabin. Eor a.
tho solemn oath thcv hook ;" play
SQUARE. each regarded the other su-
sntriougl, a. they worked. "lr Won make
= ruov" toward that rifle" said Ri,
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03
BRAIN TESTS
8 Minutes to Answer This.
By SAM LLOYD

4 proyident father settled IN annuS
iry upon his three little children, the
same to be divided each year in the
same proportion as their ages.
At the first division the eldest was
entitled TO one-half Of the entire
amount. When the sixth payment
was due Martha received one dollar
less than she had the first year.
Phoebe one.seyenth less than she got
first. while John HeDry's share was
twice as much as he received the first
wear. Now who can tell the amount
of the annuity
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03

4'I2 SCI. fabrics such ss Canton
crepe or "rcrr Il" chm" are hest '"r
a dress 81 th,s k!Cd. nut II Is as" me"
Cnr vote aud orKardy. The draperH
may b omitted on tho slurt a> Wei
9< on the waist, as shown in smaller
illustration and ~" sleeve finished ~
ar,r~, ur wr!er length. riro' or hem
stitching Is simple ard c1e'Nve i"r
decoration.
Thr Pattern is cut in sizes: :. ~ -
and u cars \ l0-"ear ~" requires
80 wards Of - 'nch material.
Pattern mailed - any address "n re-
CENT Of l2r in silver "r stamps.
Send lIc IN silver or stamps for our
t-p-T1n. DATE FALL ANn WINTER
IQ2".l927 BOOK or FASHIONS.
Write name ard address >;ainlySend
u CENTS 90 The ln'elltgenoer Once
Wheeling. ". Va.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03

"WNarc,cr shall | do Nellie asked
herself as cora, with her trunk ana
SMALL belongings. disappeared around
Inc corucr She watched from III" WIN
dow. her eye. blurred win tears as
m, frank vas lifted upon TIE IAN an"
the bundles disposed t's'dc. Iheh'
with last wave 81 hey hand Cora en-
tered the cab and drove away
"Weu see each other often Cora
h.d said Al tie office and other
place" Rul she realized. AZ did Mel
liz. that their old compani"nSH1p "as
4 hing Of ,he past: that her new duties
now responsibilities would separate
them.
Nellie. threw herself IN the couch
and burst into 4 storm Il tears. Ter
rt,ie world had crumHied about her
feet She WAS again lltt!", lonely N''-
lie Riley ~ Hudson corners. II" uo"f
opened and puggan SAID;
"Shure. Miss Nellie. IT, bad I'm f""l-
in mcselr Its the f"iuc likely Young
ladies' you all was. Itll h" m"nN Gay
before we'll have the likes ~ y""s IN
these looms again" lie wiped MS
eyee. and blow his nose with &c
sounding blast.
"1ndada IL Will. pWrEan,' Ncl'tr re
Piled to ,hr Iantor az >Hr always ca.
There alr't no NOR" Ike her BED
cess 10 that old manhc!c.
"Thcre's one lust as good AZ he.
Duggan said 50 los N"!lic did not hear.
o,d Inrk!uc a; ter with admiring eyes
Tren. "Nhar'u vccs be- af!h"r a dom
Miss" VIII vCcs b. a Twin close by
me ouId eyes VIII be arhin' f"r sight
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03
A Stenographer's Romance
DUGGAN's SYMPATHY is WELCOME
By JANE PHELPS

lie. I'll be afther tellin' Mrs Dussah
ycsS have her beat
Il wounldn't. Duggan. Women don't
like IN hear such things.
It's good i'm do her She's think.
in Nshe's the best cook out Of aid Ira
Land. yMank you. miss"
Tororrow-Under Miss Jones "lnE.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1922-11-03

the o.he~ DAY wan,.d to give me an