The Washington times., 1922-11-16

NO one Slaps dempsey.
S A. M. for Old Men
Hattie Likes Whiskey.
by ARTHUR BRISBANE
Copyright, 1922.
THE English were voting
yesterday. Once they spent a
week at it. Now only one day.
Today you should hear the
Results of about 200 parlia-
mentary elections, enough to
tell what has happened.
Bonar Law will win prob
ably. In addition to his con.
servative Tory party, there will
be a Labor party, and a big
one, probably. There will be
an Asquith party and a Lloyd
George party.
Such a mixed government
will not last long.
Then Lloyd George will come
back.
MRS. HUCK, new Congress
man from Chicago, only woman
In Congress, has an idea. She
says there must be no war
. until the people have a chance
to vote on it.
Nice idea, but the most i'm
, portant thing in war is SPEED.
While the people were voting
we might have Asiatic or
European airplanes dropping
INT on American cities. They
wouldn't wait for the vote, if
they wanted war.
THE best way to prevent
war, Mrs. Huck, is to BE PRE-
PARED FOR 1T. And you
needn't have 0jllions of soldiers
marching up and down, or even
the biggest fleet of battleships
In the world.
Have 5000 first-class fiiers
running machines for the Gov
ernment with mail, express,
and passengers; 5000 more
men kept in training that un-
derstand dropping bombs. Add
to that a good fleet of sub
marines, and you won't have
to vote on war.
Nobody will fight you.
As Mr.. Jack Dempsey marches
up and down the land, nobody
slaps his face. 1t is understood
that he is PREPARED. If his
arms and legs were missing, it
might be otherwise. While this
country lacks flying machines,
the only modern fighting weapon
worth talking about, except
submarines, its arms and legs
ARE missing.
Mrs. Huck, please set an
example to the men, and get up
every day like old Cato, keep in
sisting on one fact, one policy,
adequate flying machine prepay
alton to avoid war, and, If
possible, to win it, if it comes.
CLEMENCEAU gets. up on
shipboard at 7 o'clock and calls
1t terribly shameful hour.
He is up usually at 5.
Five o'clock is better than z
for an old man. But 7 is early
enough for a young and vigor-
Gus man unless he can be per-
suaded to 60 to bed VERY
early, which is hard. The old
need little sleep, for in their
bodies life is slow, they use up
little power.
The young need more. Ten
hours at least for children
twenty hours for a nursing in
fant. Eight hours, better still
nine, for young man, then
gradually less and less as you
get past fifty and on toward
eighty.
Perhaps wise providence
enables the old to thrive with
less sleep that they may stay
awake at night and study the
stars to which they are soon
going.
"HATTIE," the elephant, is
sick. With the help of twenty
men, two trucks, and four quarts
of whiskey, her attendants man
aged to get her inside the ele-
phant house.
She disliked everything about
the performance except the
whiskey. Fondness for alcohol
must be very deep in our tissues,
and the animals, without excep-
ton, share 1t.
Give a monkey beer and he
won't touch milk. Give him wine,
he wants no beer; give him whis-
key, he refuses VINE. And yet
Mr.. Bryan denies the relation
ship-perhaps because HE would
rather have milk than the things
the monkeys prefer.
THE Swiss, conservative, we'll
governed people, are worried
about the proposal to confiscate
property up to maximum Of
60 per cent for government use.
IL IL probable that the so-called