davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

large Jumps Of a brown mineral
substance, which when broken re-
vealed uranium oxide-a brilliant
black substance.
I'VE sent spec mems of the min
eral. which Is known as euxemite,
to a laboratory in Rio de Janeiro,
and it was found to contain 10 per
cent Of uranium oxide. Other
specimens were sent to the Labo-
ratoire de Recherches in Par.s,
where Madame Curie is working,
and the analysis made there was
6.75 per cent of uranium oxide.
AT the foot of the hill there Ii
a lake whose waters are famous
in the district for Their medicinal
value. They proved on analysis to
be radioactive. The hill lies In
an agricultural district where a
wealthy Braz Ian owner grows
coffee, sugar and tobacco"
Mrs. Gross stated that she re-
tirned to Rio de Janeiro and raised
sufficient money to form a small
syndicate for the working of the
deposit and for the purchase of the
site.
VERY little capital is needed"
she said, las the depos is are
almost on the surface and there
is no need to sink a mine shaft.
Labor is also very cheap. II the
quantity of uranium oxide found in
the mineral 10 anything like we ex-
pect. there should be a fortune in
the undertaking"
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

u EINERAL substances rich In
W radium have recently been
discovered in large Quanti-
ties In Brazil.
The ex stence Of a mineral
known as euxemite, which contains
from go to 10 per cent Of urani-
UNI. the principal radiumy.eldins
substance, was noted by an Ameri-
can min ng engineer some years
ago. The first person, however, to
realize the scientific and CONNER
cial poss bilit es Of such a discov-
cry was Mrs. Alexander Gross, +.
r. @. s., the traveller and writer.
Mrs. Gross, who recently re-
turned to London after a six
months holiday in Brazil. told
London Daily News representative
the story Of her discovery.
"It was purely a matter Of acct
dent" she said. "A lady with
whom I became acquainted on the
trip out introduced me to an Amer
lean engineer, who mentioned tho
existence of radioactive minerals
in the interior. I Immediately real
ICED the importance of his discov-
cry. and we organized an expedi-
ton consisting Of the engineer and
his wife. myself and some black
servants.
I'VE travelled for some days on
horseback into the interior OF the
state Of Minas Geraes, and found
the district previously inspected by
the min ng engineer. Buried in
the alluvial soil Of q hill we found
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

A GREAT factor at present IL
~ In the moral, rather than
the national effects of the
war. We may recover from Its
material damage in q generation:
We may never. recover from its
moral changes, The good 1t did Ii
buried with It's bones, the ills live
after II. st., e..
The united frame Of mind. the
zeal for saving waste. we fondly
hoped would last. but they have
vanished like smoke. The evils OF
the war abroad were its training
of the younger men to a reckless
use Of material, a dependence on
the Government provision and q
loss Of the habits Of responsibility
and independence.
The evil effect at home was the
Decentralization Of absurdly high
wages, encouraging extravaganza
and causing enormous friction
when the real values again pre-
vail. Even after two years Of tire
bitter experience that a high wage
often means. no work, the spell
is scarcely broken.
vs.. FORCE.
Another great change Is In tho
sense of security. The frame of
mind In which we had lived was
shattered at the bombardment Of
Rheims Cathedral. The act was
the symbol which compelled us to
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

II we were able to mould the
future. the reasonable course would
be to look around for a race which
would best counterfeit the deficisn-
cies Of ourselves. and to favour .
mixture In isolation.
We need to remedy the unrest
and excitability of the present
population by producing a more
solid and Woodworking people; to
counterfeit the lack of security by
a sense of permanence and com
mercial morality; to hinder the
prevalent waste by the develop
mcnt of a frugal and 81; wing hal /;
to keep our knowledge to its right
uses by a peace loving people vi 0
do not glorify fighting; to turn our
intellectual frivolity into a love Of
solid reading and literature.
We need a race less sensitive in
nerves, though not less pcrcept 'e
in thought; and, above all, it m. t
be a race which commands the q.
spect and affection of those " .
have lived among It and know :
best / leave 1t to the adnl
think what cultivated race - &.
present world woui6 IA. n.
Condi lions,
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
BY ELIZABETH SHIELDS.


voRTY.EIGHT charmers. each
Iure-eyed one more perilously
fascinating than the rest!
Forty-e .ght lovely. lovely ladies'.
each cleverly welding the oldest Of
sure-fire enticements before mas
culine caprice. Food!
Forty-eight specific sorts Of
things to eat offered three times
daily. seven days the week, to one
lone. puzzled. happily satisfied
male!
Now isn't that a situation!
What though the male be only
our own little old city OF New
York? What though the vampir-
ing visions be named California.
Maine. Florida and so on? Ac-
cording to a most romantic story
written within the unromantic
pages of certain lists and reports
in a high office in West Broad
way, their respective positions are
exactly as described.
NEW Works. RIVALS.
The windows Of the high office
look out upon the Hudson and the
harbor, where freight boats eter-
nally rush UP and down: and upon
railways where freight trains lum-
her along, sometimes upon the last
lap of transcontinental journies.
The record Of these boats and
trains runs through the story.
which is worked out mostly in fig
ures and market signs and queer
combinations of letters.
This is the office of Herschel
Jones, director of the State Depart
ment of Farms and Markets.
Before Mr.. Jones commented
upon the manner IN which the
entire country lays siege to the
heart of New York, via the stom-
ach. he told of certain rivals OF
the Forty-eight; overseas fascinat-
ors who slyly offer the debonaire
METROPOLIS the flip Of exoticism
with its meals.
That dangerous huzzy, Spain'
appears to be one Of these. Her
little sister. Chile. is another.
speaking Of a single weeks impor-
tations, Mr.. Jones said:
Every section Of this and for
eisn countries where things are
growing at tbs time Of year seems
eager to prevent monotony in the
food supply Of the city. Both
de,icacies and necessities from
abroad were to be found in the
wholesale markets this last week.
IMPORTED TEMPTERs.
Spain is offering her big, in
comparable onions. A shipment
of peaches. apricots, plums and
pears Is on the way from Chile.
Argentine is represented by
great. ox-heart cherries. We have
potatoes, carrots and beets from
Bermuda; tomatoes both from the
Canary and Bahama Islands,
green Summer vegetables from
Cuba. Denmark has sent us cab
bage.
From Belgium we have lus-
cious dollhouse grapes and fresh
endive. Pineapples, are here in
quantity from Porto Rico"
Therel Wouldn't such delica-
cies catch and hold the fancy of
any hungry gallant, no matter
how inclined toward domesu> 10Y
atty?
Small wonder then that the
Forty-eight hurried to distract
attention from the foreign dam
ties by shipping in here last week
one thousand three hundred and
thirty carloads of vegetables and
fruitsl
or the quantity. two hundred
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
Bv STEPHEN LEACOCK---
(Well-KnoUn- Canadian Humorist)
(WeLLKnOUD- Canadian HuNpOrist)
ri DON'T Mean to Deny That the American Funny Story i'm Capable
Hands, Amazingly Funny Nine Times Out of Ten Is

IT, and the grateful cries Of.
mo. No! Go ahead" show how
great the tension has been.
Nine times out of ten the people
have heard the story before. and
ten times out Of nine he damages
It in the telling. But his hear
ers are grateful to him for having
saved them from the appalling
mantle of silence and introspec-
ton which had fallen upon the
table. For the trouble ID that
when once two or three stories
have been told II seems to, be a
point of honor to subside into
mere conversation. 1t seems rude.
when a story teller has at last
reached the triumphant ending
and climax of the mule from
Arkansas, to follow II up by
saying: II see that the ex-Em-
peror Karl has escaped again" 1t
can't be done. Either tho mule
or Karl-one can't have both.
The English. say. have not
developed the American custom of
the funny story as a form OF
social intercourse. But do not
mean to say they are sinless in
this respect. As see 1t. they
hang round in general converse
ton something nearly as bad in
the form Of what one may call
the literal anecdote or personal
experience. BY this refer to
the habit of narrating some
silly little event that has actually
happened to them or in their
sight. which they designate as
''screamingiy funny" and which
was. perhaps. very funny when 1t
happened. but which is not the
least funny in the telling.
The American funny story 10
imaginary. It never happened.
Somebody presumably once made It
up. It g fiction. Thus there must
once have been some great paipi-
tating brain, some glowing imagi-
nation which invented the story Of
the man who was put off at Buff
falo. But the Engl sh screaming
ly funny" story is not imaginary.
1t really did happen. 1t is an ac-
tual personal experience: in short.
1t is not fiction but history.
think-if one may say It with
all respect-that in English so
ciety. girls and women are spec al
ly prone to narrate these personal
experiences as contributions to
general merriment rather than the
men. The English girl has a sort
of traditional idea Of being anus
ing; the Englishman cares less
about 1t. He prefers facts to fancy
every time. and. as a rule. 10 free
from that desire to pose as a hu-
morist which haunts the American
mind. So 1t comes about that most
Of the "screamingly funny" stories
are told n English society by the
women. Thus the counterpart of
put me off at Buffalo," done into
English, would be something like
this:
I'VE were SO amused the other
night in the sleeping car going to
Buffalo. There was the most
amusing old negro making the
beds. a perfect scream. you know.
and he kept insisting that If we
wanted to get off at Buffalo we
must all go to bed at o'clock. He
positively wouldn't let us sit up;
I mean to say, 1t was kill ing the
way he wanted to put US to bed.
We all roared"
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

and intellectual life one is haunt
ed by the funny anecdote.
20 Anyone who has ever attended
the Canad an or American banquet
VIII recall the solemn way In which
the chairman SEES and says: Cen
tlemen. II is to me a very great
pleasure and a very great honor TO
preside at this annual d nner.
There was an old darkey. once"
and so forth. When he concludes
he says: 81 VII now call upon the
Rev. DR.. Stooge. head Of the Pro-
vino al University. to propose the
toast. Our Dom!n on" DR..
Stooge rises amid great applause.
and. with great soJemnity. begins:
There, were once two Irshmen-"
and so on to the end. Here in
England. 1t 8 apparently not SO.
A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
The other night I had the pleas
ure Of meeting at dinner a mem.
Der Of the government. ! fully
anticipated that as member OF
the government he would be ex-
pected to tell a funny story about
an old darkey, Just as he would on
our side Of the water. In fact, I
should have supposed that he could
hardly get into the government I'M
less he did tell a funny story Of
some sort. But all through dinner
the cab net minister never SAID a
single word. either about q mother
in-law, or a commercial traveller.
or an old darkey. or two Irishmen.
or any Of the stock characters Of
the American repertoire.
Another night I dined with u
bishop Of the church. expected
that when the Soup came he would
say: There was an old darkey-"
after which I should have had TO
listen with rapt attention and when
he had finished, without any
pause, rejoin: There were a cou-
pie of Irishmen once" and so on.
But the bishop never sad a word
Of the sort.
I can further. for the sake Of
my fellow-men in Canada and the
United States who may think Of
coming over here. vouchsafe to the
following facts: II you meet a d.
rector Of the Bank of England he
does not say. II am very glad to
meet you. Sit down. There was
q mule In Arkansas once" etc.
How they do their bank ng W thout
that mule don't know. But they
manage 1t. can certify also that
II you meet the proprietor of a
great newspaper he will not begin
by saying: There was a Scots
man once" In fact, in England
we can m-ngle freely in general So
cisty without being called upon
either to produce a funny story or
to suffer from one.
I don't mean to deny that the
American funny story, in capable
hands. is amazingly funny. and
that it does brighten UP human
intercourse. But the real trouble
lies not in the fun Of the story
but in the painful waiting for the
point to come. and in the strained
and anxious silence that succeeds
it. Each person around the din
ner table is trying to think Of
another" There is a dreadful
pause. The hostess puts up a
prayer that someone may think
of another" Then at last. to the
relief Of everybody. someone says:
IT heard a story the other day.
don't know whether you've heard
The Washington times., 1922-02-19

0NE Evening at a Converted
Rink known as the Grand
Opera House, a flock OF In
trepid Amateurs put on q War
Drama.
Lila. principal Child Of tho Egg
= and Poultry King. played Daugh-
ter of the Southland. with her Hair
shaken out and Lamp Black on her
Eye-Winkers. SO as to look Ike
Pola Negri.
All Of her relations and the other
Members of the Pocahontas Bridge
Whist and Pleasure Club were
In Front and they gave her a Hand
every time she stepped out from be-
hind q Tree.
She was q Riot.
At11P. NJ. she was UP on a lone
some Eminence, right between Sara
Bernhard and Julia Marlowe. wait
ing for a Telegram from N. Y. to
come on anu ally eAoS
was too Heavy for Mrs. Fiske.
The proud Parents awoke next
Morning to discover that Lady Mac
beth was boarding with them.
When she moved from one Room
to another the Portieres had to be
spread the entire length Of the Pole
80 as to make Room for her Head.
A local Haberdasher. who had
been plotting to surround her with
a new Bungalow and lot of Mis-
sion Furniture. went to call as
per Usual and found her away up
Stage. trying to look like Margaret
Anglin in the Big Scene.
She was too busy to Hold Hands.
for she was mapping out q Career
which terminated with an Electric
Sign on Broadway and the Street
TANNED with uptown Limousines.
So the Gents Furnisher moved
down the Street to q Brick House,
the unmarried Inmates Of which
would begin burning Greek Fire
and sending up Balloons every
time a Live One Slammed the
Front Gate.
Lila had the Bacillus Theatricus
gnawing In every part Of her Sys-
tenn.
She could see the magnificent
Playhouse crowded from Pit to
Dome, Just as the Producing Mana
ger sees 1t every August when the
Pipe is drawing freely.
She could hear the Leading
Man In the Dress Suit say. as he
pointed UP the Marble Stairway.
"Ah. here comes the Countess
zika now" And then She would
enter .trippingly. wearing 5000
worth Of spangled Raiment
whereupon the Vast Audience
would stand up and Cheer.
Whilst enjoying this Trance she
wore a Yellow Kimono and had
her Meals sent to the Room.
Father saw that he was Hook
ed, so he loaded her into a Parlor
Car and took her up to a School
of Dramatic Art to have her
searched for Talent.
The Head Crimp Of this refined
Shakedown watched her do the
scene in which Ophelia goes Dotty
and ticks the imaginary Dande-
lions and when 1t was all over and
Shakespeare had been reduced no
a Pulp, he slapped Old Ready
Money on the Back and told bin
his Daughter was a Phenom.
She had the Dramatic Instinct
and the Fire of Genius and that
indefinable Something which en-
ables Eva Tanguay to earn more
than the President Of the United
States.
With a couple of hundred Les
sons in Correct Breathing, and
the Vocal Chords loosened up
with a Glove-Stretcher. and a row
Of Scallops put on the Technique,
Mary Anderson would be right
back In our midst.
So Lila got ready to fill the Va
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
48-STATE ROMANCE
I'm FEEDING NEW YORK

and sixty-four carloads came from
this State. They were made most
ly of celery and cabbage; ship
ments designed. no doubt, to offset
the Vaccinations of Denmark!
According to the story told in
the files Of Mr.. ones office, the
two very busiest contributors to
the menu of New York. specially
in the winter, when only the SUM-
shine States are. producing, are
California and Florida.
SIRENS OF SOUTH AND WEST.
What these sisters Of the Far
South and the Far West offer the
East you are pretty sure to eat
every time you sit at a table.
whether it be within a scintillat-
ing Fifth avenue restaurant, in an
your own dining room.
Just now California is a trifle
ahead in variety Of shipments.
During the past week she sent in
twenty-five sorts Of fruits and vege-
tables, while Florida sent but
fifteen. Still. the highest price rela.
lively, was paid for a Florida
product when strawberries sold for
81 per quart wholesale.
Both States help to furnish this
city with oranges, tangerines, green
and wax beans, cucumbers, let
tuce, green peas, green peppers.
egg plant.
California, in addition, sends
grapes, pears, lemons. artichokes,
anise. Brussels sprouts, cabbage,
cauliflower, celery, chicory, lima
Ibeans. onions, rhubarb and toma-
toes.
Florida, likewise makes some ex-
elusive offerings. among them
grapefruit. manderines, escarole,
Okra. romaine. squash and straw
berries.
DAINTIES DE LUXE.
You may obtain an idea Of the
quantity this city received from
these States from Mr.. Jones, state
ment concerning one weeks ship
ment Of oranges alone:
"Wednesday 10000 boxes Of or
anges were received from Califor-
mia and $1,000 boxes from Florida.
On Friday $500 boxes Of oranges
came from California and 1880
boxes from Florida
The California stock appears to
be the finer, judging by prices.
On this particular lot the Califor-
mia oranges sold at about four to
nine and half cents each in boxes
Of one hundred, while the Florida
oranges sold at from two to six
cents each, wholesale prices.
New York State, of course, sup
plies most of the city's vegetables.
1t is estimated that her annual
shipments are approximately 1920
carloads Of garden truck, apples
and so on. But she does not man.
age without competition. Others
of the forty-eight do not mean to
lose. out to mere advantage of
location.
So, besides California and Flor
ida, these are the States that COM
, pete with ours in certain commodi-
ties: Texas, beets: Washington,
oregon, Idaho, apples; Virginia,
cabbage; Bermuda, carrots, Bru>-
sells sprouts, parsley; Louisiana,
chicory; Virginia. kale; Indiana.
Ohio, onions; New Jersey, South
Carolina, radishes; Cuba, squash;
Canada. turnips; Maine, Virginia,
potatoes.
Now, as everybody who is fond
of food knows, there are only
certain number of fruits and vege-
tables. And while some Of the
States may have the distinction
of an exclusive offering, as Virginia,
with her watercrcss, others base
their rivalry upon quality OF the
article.
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
RADIUM FIELD FOUND
BY WOMAN EXPLORER

Mrs. Alexander Gross, F. r. q. S., Modestly
Ascribes Discovery i'm Brazil of Rich De-
posts of Euxemite, Which Contains Nearly
no Per Cent of Uranium, to American Engi-
neer, Who Told Her of Radioactive MINI
erals i'm the State of Minas Geraes.
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
A SIGN WAS HER ONLY CAREER.

cancy caused by the Retirement
Of Ellen Terry. while Papa went
back to the little Office In one
corner Of the Warehouse and be-
gan to sign Checks.
.' It took many an Egg to have
Lila properly Conservatoried.
At last she came home With a
Diploma showing that she was an
Actress.
After that. she merely needed a
Play and a Company and lot Of
Scenery and q Manager and a
Theater and the soft old Public
buying Of the Scalpers in order to
realize her modest Ambition to be-
come a Real Star.
She took her Diploma and the
Local Press Notices up to New
York to see what she could get on
them and found 10000 other in
cipient Modjeskas hitting the worn
Trail that led from one Agency to
another.
Artistic Temperaments were
more Abundant than Lamp Posts
and getting an Audience with a
Big Gun was just as easy as Open
in a Time-Lock with a Hat Pin.
She had an offer at the Hippo
drome TO walk in front OF an Ele-
plant waving a prop Palm. but she
spurned II, because she was ready
to do Desdemona at a Moments
Notice.
In order to get Experience. she
signed up with a No. 4 Company,
playing the Part Of the .deaf-and-
dumb lady who crosses the Stage
and removes the Tea Things
early in the Second Act.
When the Troupe went on the
Rocks at Mauch Chunk. Penna.,
the erstwhile Favorite Of the
Pocahontas Club found herself
seated on Trunk marked
''Theater" standing off a Deputy
Sheriff and waiting for an An
swer to her Wire.
The First Old Woman, who re-
membered Edwin Booth, came
and sat beside her.
do not be discouraged Honey"
said She. go right back and
start all over, and possibly some
time Next Year you will again
have the blessed Privilege Of
going up a neglected Alley twice
a Day and changing your Clothes
in a Barn. Any Girl with your
Looks and Family Connections
can curl UP in q Four-Poster at
night and then saunter to the
Bath over a soft Rug in the
Morning, but only q throbbing
Genius can make these Night
Jumps in a Day Coach and stop
at a Hotel which Is operated as
an Auxiliary to a first-class Pool
Room. 1t will be Hard Shedding
for the first Is or 20 Years
but. by the time you are 45, you
may reasonably county on getting
20 Weeks out Of every So, run.
ming around in front Of a
Camera"
Lila pulled into the Scene Of
her Early Triumphs with a mere
suggestion of No. Grease Paint
still lingering behind the Ears.
As the Train rolled through the
Yards, the Foreman of the Sec
ton Gang narrowly escaped being
hit in the Head with a tin Make
Up Box hurled from the rear Of
the Observation Car.
Next day she had a strip Of
Red Carpet spread for the Haber-
dasher and was learning to pre-
pare Food In Fireless Cookers.
Whenever she hears of a Good
Show coming to Town she invites
all her Friends to come out to
the Bungalow and Play Rhum
on the Mission Furniture.
MORAL: The True Friend
Of Humanity is one Who goes to
the Home Talent Benefit and
Kisses All Evening.
Copyright, 1899, BY George Ade.)
The Washington times., 1922-02-19
By PROF. w. Nj. F.PETRIE--
(In An Article on "7he Outlook for
Civilization" in The Yale ReUielD)

4. - ~ Civilization" The Yale RevieU)
The Good the War Did Buried with Its Bones Its Hills Live After it,
Says Noted WRITER who Claims We Need Race Less Sensitive In
Nerves Though Not Less Percepe Thought and Above a
Race That Commands Respect and Affection. -'.'
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1922-11-23

The following described articles
were seized at Columbia, N. H., on
October 28, 1922, Seizure No. 20S2,
for violation of Paragraph S13, Title
l of the Tariff Act of 1922, and Sec
tions 3061 and 1862 of the Revised
Statutes of the United States, to wit
Is bottles of Whiskey and 1 Over
land Automobile (touring). All per-
sons claiming said articles are hereby
notified to appear and file their claim
to the same within twenty days from
the first publication hereof, or such
property will be forfeited to the Uni
ted States. Unless such claim is filed
the liquor will be sold at restricted
sales for nonbeverage purposes only
to persons, firms or institutions hold
ing a lawful permit to purchase, and
the automobile will be sold at public
auction at the Custom House, Island
Pond, VT, on the 18th day of Deem
Der, 1922, at 2 o'clock P. M.
H. c. Comings, Collector of Customs
ST. Adams, VT, November 6, 1922.