Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1922-05-26

made 2,057 changes In the tariff sill
as it was formulated and passed by the
house of representatives. Figures oc-
casionally tell story. Seemingly
they do SO in this case.
With more than two thousand
amendmer IS proposed by the senate
for the house bill it is easy enough to
understand why the debate on the
measure is expected TO run along until
tired nature calls halt. Any stumper
who desires to discuss the tariff Dill
intelligently during the coming con-
gressional campaign must sit up late
nights and burn much oil in his stu
dents lamp.
The tariff measure is a formidable
looking document. Just how much Of
a figure the bill will cut in the COM
ing election nobody as yet knows. Vir-
tually every day the Congressional
Record gives some thirty-fve or forty
pages of print to the speeches made in
the senate on the day previous. The
tariff is one thing apparently that
cannot be talked to death.
Occasionally there is some humor to
be found in the customs laws or in
their preparation, or in their enforce
ment or non-enforcement. During the
hearings in the finance committee of
the senate on the Payne-Aldrich bill
the provision of the measure affecting
chemicals was under consideration. A
New York man representing the manu-
facture Of celluloid in New Jersey was
on the stand. The committee was dis
cussing the question Of the duty on
things which enter into celluloid man
ufacture.
Suddenly Senator Kern of Indiana,
who since that day has died, turned to
the witness and said sternly but with
something of a CLINT in his eye, Are
you responsible for the celluloid' col
lars?"
eyes, l invented them," replied the
witness.
well" said the senator, "my
search is over. I have been trying to
locate the responsibility for celluloid
collars for years"
J0E1h Wilkes l aFIII story.
John e. Wilkie of Chicago, one time
and for a long time chief of the Unit
ed States secret service, wrote tariff
or a near tariff story some years ago
which, like Charles Reade's Hard
Cash." was a matter-of-fact tale. The
story fingers in the memory of Wash
ingtonians.
A prominent American woman was
visiting in China. Just before she was
to set sail for the United States
friend presented her with some spe-
cially grown Chinese tea, worth, it was
said, something like $50 a pound. The
gift was received, and then the Amer
lean woman knew the beginning Of a
hard fight with conscience. She did
not want to pay tariff on the tea
when she took it into America and yet
she knew that to smuggle it in was
something like a crime. Taking the
tea she put it into small, separate
packages and hid it in various places
about her personal belongings.
On the way from China to Honolulu
where the vessel stopped the Amer
lean woman dreamed nightly of men
in uniform boarding the ship at the
Hawaiian port, discovering the snug
gled article and Juggling her off to Jail.
She slept more uneasily than
crowned king. She was wretched day
and night, but her determination held
to get that tea home without paying
the government anything.
Her Conscience Conquered.
From Honolulu to San Francisco
her conscience and her fears jointly
kept her sleepless, but she hung on
grimly to the determination to get her
spoils in unobserved at any hazard.
Her baggage was examined at San
Francisco and apparently the customs
officer discovered nothing dutiable
The danger over and with her tea
safely in her trunk and with no furth-
er fear Of detection, the American
woman sped to Washington.
After arriving in the capital she
found that her conscience still
troubled her and that sleep was not
wooed as easily as in the days of her
non-smuggling innocence. She invited
her friends to partake of the delect-
able tea, but she had little gladness at
her five o'clocks.
Finally conscience conquered her
and she went straight to the Treasury
department, to the proper official
thereof, and tearfully told him of her
guilt. saying that she was willing to
pay the duty thrice over to get back
the innocence that once was hers. In
her mind she reviewed the terrors of
the voyage including the sleeplessness
of her nights.
'How much duty shall I pay on the
tear" she asked. "And please don't
send me to jail"
The official looked at her with
amused kindness. He said:
y.