The Birmingham age-herald., 1922-05-22
ANDREW AND
 IWOGENE
Fly ROE FUBKERsoN

Andrew sighed deeply and audibly Imogene raised her eyes from her book inquiringly and caught his. She opened her mouth to ask a question. but she said quickly:
 start something"
 "What?"
 T don't care" he said impatiently; a quarrel, a story, lot of details of your household troubles, a history of the last meeting of the day nursery board, ask me for money so I can re- fuse, tell he you don't need any so I can make love to you, explain to me | why men commit suicide and women get married, tell me what makes a | hen caekle when she lays an egg and why tho tide comes in twice in "A hours instead of nine times" Why" asked Imogene Because I want something to change the channel of my thoughts" said Andrew. T am sitting here thinking of things I want and haven't got. l cannot change this scheme of hearts desire
 T am feeling so sorry for myself that l am going to cry all over the new rug in about six minutes by the watch if some thirg does not come up to stop me.
 T am thinking of blue lips and grave clothes. I am figuring what they will say when they see my mar ble brow and my folded hands
 Shut up," snapped his wife.
 T will not" insisted Andrew. When I open a lodge of sorrow on my own account. propose to be just as sad as unrisen cake. l propose to weep just as much as I please and step on my own bier on tiptoe and with voice hushed to faintest whisper. insist that I shall have all the trim mings and all the black goods in town"
 Do you know, Andrew, I think there are times when you are not quite yourself" said Imogene, sadly.
 T quite agree with you" replied Andrew, cheerfully "and I also agree that this is one of the times, 1 am sitting here as. forlorn as the last leaf on the tree in autumn, as sad as the last girl of her graduating class to be married. as doleful as the croak of the only frog in the swamp after the invasion of two boys with an air rifle.
 Any time any man or any woman gets where they Just sit up and mourn, simply clothe themselves in lilS SupSlllule TOT luc AdDlll- emnts of sackcloth and cover their bean with the up-to- o-date substitute for ashes, they have slipped cog. That's me-"
 Do you think you are wearing your belt too tight?' asked 1mogene. anx- iously. You know they say it's very injurious to have things too tight about your waist"
 And you caution me about wearing things too tight about my equator?' he asked. Why. woman. can't you see that my trouble Is mental, not | physical? I am not wanting a pink | pill. l am wanting a white winged | yacht to sail down to the West Indies and personally inspect our recent pur- | chase; l want a cottage on Bellevue avenue in Newport, where the waves dash against the rock bound coast and the spray waters the hydrangeas ! without the use of common, vulgar hose.
 T want one of these big long cars | like a Pullman, with two mem on the | front so proud that myself will not dare to speak to them without lifting | my hat. and ali the leisure I need to l tour the shore road between here and 1 New York, and eat every meal at a | different road house."
 There is one nice thing about it." said Imogene, complacently. This attack of the mulligrubs does not in- terfere with your talking, does it?" l Copyright, 1922. Century Press IncJ