Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-11-22

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Just Free
She: / suppose you'd like to be
free to marry againl
He: No. Just free.
Wives always have more relatives
than husbands.
A Good and sufficient Reason
Old Lady: / hope you don't sell
papers on Sunday.
Small Newsboy (sadly): Nom, /
amt big enuf to carry the Sunday
'ditions yit.
Ahead of the Times
Gentleman consulting Directory:
Bookbinders bookkeepers, booksellers,
boots, bootmakers-
Drug Clerk: Maybe I can help you
find what you're looking for.
Gentleman: No use-I guess boot
leggers aren't listed yet.
A Guilty Conscience
Tommy had been playing truant
from school and had spent a long,
beautiful day fishing. On his way
back he met one of his young eronies,
who aecosted him with the usual ques-
ton, Catch anything?"
At this, Tommy,in all the conscious
ness of guilt, quickly responded:
Amt been home yet"
X X n
Does yo' still refuse, sab, to pay
me dem two dollars | done loaned yo'
de Lawd on'y knows when?"
"Nussahw dignifedly replied Broth
er Bogus, Il doesn't refuse. / jess
refrains."
No Chance
Is your son out of danger yet?
No; the doctor is going to make
three or four more visits.
Starting Early
Baby: | want my bottle!
Mother: Hush now. You're just
like your father.
4 y
The closer a man is the more dis
tant his friends are.
.
Reason Enough
North: Why is your wife so jeal-
Gus of your typist?
West: My wife used to be my typ
list.
Daughter, doesn't that young man
know how to say goodnight?
Oh, daddy III say he does.
n
katzenjammer
Mary had Thomas cat;
1t warbled like Garuso;
A neighbor swung a baseball bat,
Now Thomas doesn't do SO.
I A friend is man who cusses the
same people you cuss
Our Own Vaudeville
Thatcher: Has anyone seen Pete +?
Loelller Pete who?
Thatcher: Petroleum.
] Willis: Kerosined him yesterday
and he hasn't benzine since.
Suspicious Generosity
/ Wilbur; Wifey, here's a box of
candy for you.
Mrs. D. Thanks. What have
you been doing2
Independence
/ Bobbie Owen tells the story of a
sturdy Scotchman who had been hav-
! ing a wee bit of an argument with his
wife Sandy had taken refuge under
with a club in her hand, he called lust
I lily from his retreat
| eye can lam me and We can beat
me, but We Gamma break ma manly
| spirit. I'll nae come ootl"
| - = n =
What One Might Caulihower?
How many kinds of flowers are
there"
Three pupils held up their hands.
| She chose one TO reply.
"Well, Beatrice, how many kinds of
! flowers are there 2"
Three, teacher"
Indeed? And what are they?
"Wild, tame, an collie!"
Most Doubtlessl
Waitress: Tea or coffee?
Van Valin: Coffee without cream.
Waitress: You'll have to take it
without milk. sir; we're out of cream.
Swede Anderson says that along
gets too cold to fish, he is going to
Spti4d sAA iio1ibtio III WI way
n u Y n
Bound to Find Out
Mrs. Briebach-When / get to heav-
en-, I'm going to ask Solomon why he
had so may wives.
Mr.. Briebach--What if he isn't
there?
Mrs. Briebach Then you ask him.
why He Was Late
The old darky who tends the fur
mace happened to live in a section that
was quarantined by the police for
smallpox, so he was late in the morn
ing to fix the fire.
civilian, you are very late this
morning. What was the trouble?
"Well, dey foun' man wifi small
pox, an we all was guaranteed fo'
we could leave"
Guaranteed ?"
'Yes'n, de doctor be has to guar
antee dat you won't carry any small
pox aroun' Judge.
T. r. =
Right Payment
-year-oid Charles carried let
ters from the lawyer next aoos to his
best girl. Every time ne took ore the
lawyer gave him dime. But one day
he decided to reward him a little bet
ter. He started to fish two dimes out
of his pocket. 81 guess these letters