davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
THE COMEDY OF THE KAISER.

Every day in every way the comedy of the
kaiser is getting better and better. There is
acute delight for the lover of the sardonic In
each of its new developments. The goth CEN
fury Nero, Attila of the Huns is rapidly
being reduced to a condition Of, ludcrous harm
lessness at the hands Of managing lady, his
bride. The man who was SO short time ago
assuming to tell the world what it might and
what it might not do is himself being instructed
in every particular of conduct. The tyrant of
the world is being tyrannzed over. 1t is as
though one Of the fates, grown rakish in this
latter day. were contriving to bring to ridicu-
lous end this most menacing Of figures. Life
has at last achieved a dramatic climax" 1t is
initiating art with tremendous effect
This situation is not altogether unprece-
dented. Samson, a terrifying person in his own
home town, was reduced to inglOrious weakness
by his lady friend. Garibadli, once very much
of a parsonage in his land, lived out his last
days in snivelling timtdity, completely in the
ever before has one of great International
Importance met poetic justice in just this hand
some way.
During our passionate days while the war
was in progress We talked wildly of the pictur-
esque violence which We would make the
kaiser suffer after his defeat. But how much
more beautiful and satisfying is his actual end
This terrifically efficient Nemesis, she stands
patronizingly patting the mailed fist" mus
have been sent us by the witty one of thu
! three grim sisters'
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
The Daily Short Story

told her, not beautifully, but with
becoming dignified pride, of his long
struggle and happy triumph. He
was now established in business for
himself and was doing well. Sui
denly he turned to the child, who
had left her seat and nestled her
self. as children will, between her
mothers knees, and stood looking
on, very much baffled.
What "a charming little miss"
he declared, with just a touch Of
parental pride. Lets see, Alice is
Z now, isn't she?" He stopped for,
man-like, he wasn't sure
Seven summers, to be exac',"
replied Mae. She was born in
June, you know"
I'm, yes. Quite little lady
now" He noticed Alice was star
ing at him. in her innocent way, and
it made him uncomfortable
A favorite trick of men who find
themselves embarrassed in the pres
ence of children is to give them
money, and he paid literally for the
refuge. And of course he asked her
what she would buy, and called her
! my little girl" Alice looked up at
her mother doubtfully, and said she
didn't know yet. Then, with all the
wisdom of her seven years, she
turned to him quickly:
IF you please, l arn't your little
girl"
Her parents were mildly amused
at this precocious observation.
"Hush,- DEAR" murmured Mae,
stroking the child's hair affection
ately. mr. Cole is your papa"
Which deeply impressed Alice and
caused her to become very thought
full.
There was a brief lull in the con-
versation. Mae had said very little,
for she seemed engrossed in retro
spection. He wondered what was
passing through her mind.
DO you know he said, ruefully
there are times when l long
for" The phrase died out as he
looked away vacantly. Followed
another pause, and the silence was
growing awkward when Alice sud.
j denly ciapped her little hands ex,
ultantly, and exclaimed: Are you
4 my really and truly papa"
} Yes, indeed" he nodded laugh
ingly, and growing bold, he gentl,
lifted her to a seat beside himself
; For moment the child looked al
| him as if undecided whether to re-
J main or rebel, which somehow re
, minded him that he was taking lit.
tile liberties now. His memory wen
back to the court ruling, and he re
called the peremptory decree givin(
Alice to her mother, exclusively ant
, irrevocably.
: But here again the child came t,
his aid, for she had slowly worme.
herself across his arm, her reluct
: ance and incredoIity now complete
ly vanished.
Il have often wondered, Mae,
: he said softly, 'how things-.w,
: were just kids, anyhow" A it'll
clumsy, perhaps, but language tina
!. would have been clear to any won
! an.
Is your courage good, MaeT- h
pursued, encouraged by her silence
I Would you care to-"
IT A chance observer would hav
u been impressed BY the spectac
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
TkS Seyea Klnds 81 Itca.
lGotea YkysielaA asd As0oe'

y ~ 0cv04a Al 0B u 1tENe
Z It Is curious how some folks itch
without any apparent reason. that
is, no visible skin trouble, yet
others who appear fairly alive with
reasons itch not at all. II one
could have q conveniently Access
sibla itching spot, with aseptic skin
and nails, what a Joy 1t would be
to scratch that spot. But this
searching around for the spot that
itches is verypxaspefating. A mos-
quito bite is not SO bad II you can
reach it; hive or two is nothing
to get excited about; but there Is
is something maddening about the
uncomfortable itching caused by the
assault OF the nimole little guest
that has no wings but gets there
just the same.
There are at least seven great
types or classes of itch the first Of
which embraces parasitic invasions
Of the skin, such as scabies 1.-THE old
fashioned itch facetiously called
seven year itch): BARRIERS itch
| (ringworm); ground, dew or toe
itch Gnvasfon by the larvae OF the
hookworm). Another type of itcil
includes the skin LESSONS Of poison
ing by various chemicals used in
dustrially or incidentally, and cry
thema and hives from individual
sensitization to certain proteins.
| A third type is the itch of the well
washed, the too thoroughly
washed classes, known as pruritus
winter itch, bath itch, senile itch
Then there is the itch caused by
I certain ungrateful guests that rush
up and attack the host and then
rush off a&ain-such as mosquito
and bedbus itch. Fifth, the itch
caused by guests that live on but
not in the skin, such as the well
known school visitor, Pediculus
Familiarity dubbed company" The
itching Of such acute Inflammation
of the skin as the dermatitis of ivy
poisoning is what l call exquisite
as compared with that of occupa-
tional poisoning by orthoform, fol
example, and l speak with mucl
feeling. Finally everybody knows
that the chronic so-called catarrha
inflammation of the skin associate
with the emulation of serum which
dries and crusts more or less
eczema-is one of the commones
types of itch.
Many terms are popularity uset
in connection with itch, such q:
Cuban itch, Philippine itch, Frencl
itch, prairie itch, Texas smange
lumberman's itch, Ohio scratche
and elephant itch. None Of thes'
terms has any exact meaning, bu
may refer to anything from scabie
to pruritus, and even smallpox.
The moral to be drawn from thi
i; discourse, friends, is that it ge'.
orally takes more than a neighbor'
view to tell just what is itchin:
you. Unfortunately that remed.
which is effective in the treatmen
of, say, primrose dermatitis ha
little or no value in the treatment 4
scabies. and a medicament which
; mite-y grateful in scabies is likel
II to aggravate eczema. This ism
very Illuminating for any one VIII
may be in quest of something goo
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

10 : fsv days 80 : nattts ccasunsd q -
eakee, so-called. #s
no ineident adds TO he sorry evidence that
this Il decadsaf age II IL proof hat the PAN
cake 81 the day Is some miserable travesty Of
the honest, whole-souled pancake Of biesseed
tradition. For no man iving. NO shipwrecked
sailor q cinder- coated tramp Or small boy
not even farmland could have slowed away
cakes Of the ancient thickness. circumference
and composition to the number OF Is. The feat
would have been IS impossible as swimming the
broad Atlantic.
Plainly, the pancake has undergone the
same treatment which has been meted out to
helpings of pie. shrinking, contracting. wien
ing and waning until what passes - pancake
is to the original article Of our theme as some
OF the sons Of the great are to their sires.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
Argus Information Bureau

,uext,on by writing The Argus iniotwa
W,s..rpton ID C. Give fu't name -
,turn hostage. lie brief. All ihauhi.s,
10 each Ind: viauai. No attention. -"
cluded on a round. he begins ser "
ing another, the card or cafos a.
shown must be thrown IN the ~. ~,
card and the dealer made TO ps
a forfeit. to be agreed upon nelol
hand. In many localities. TINS pr
cedure is not followed, caro- pe,n ss
from the deck LOT cav
player who is still in the pot
Q. Who made the first steam ~
CINE? " usx
A. The first instance OF Tue ~ "
of steam as, a motive power Is ="
sumed TO have been the Aeoilpi. !
Herod Of Alexandria In lf1o &
Spanish captain, B!asco 40 cara. :
reported to have shown a So So.
boat of his own invention in BAY -,
Iona tarbor. The first patent ~
the application of steam pow Thom.
machines were taken out by hor;
as Slavery in 1893. Watts eA ipa,sa
ments on the steam engine 'AS
from the year 1865.
O. Does first class elesa''
. gain full speed between hoo,s' ,,i,
A. This would depend Oh tne Az
running speed of the elevator. ,he
distance between floors. II py I'd. od
term first class elevator Zoo FOO,
ern high speed elevator COW -. /
per minute or over is mean, =,
may be safely assumed that !. u txt
not attain full speed between &C,
successive floors If of the ase'~e'
height-12 to Is feet
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

Remember it is your vote that is to decide
whether the proposed new Illinois constitution
is to be adopted or rejected at the special cleo
ton Dec II. If the constitution is approved
it will stand as the law Of Illinois for so years.
You have right to have laws that afford YOU
the same protection and liberties as are guaran-
teed in other states. You are urged toread and
study the draft of the proposed constitution.
Nand then vote your honest convictions.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

AMER the fnSt RVUT OVtao0s
l have been practicing four Of the
movements Of the Brady symphony
which found in one Of your ar
ticles some time ago. The results
have been surprising. / feel years
younger and have changed my atti-
tude and viewpoint materially.
Would you kindly forward me the
complete symphony, also the tech
mic OF the backward rol4 or somer-
saults you referred to in q recent
talk? M. HI
Answer-You forget that the re-
cipient must always prepay the
freight. If you will repeat your re-
quest, accompanied by properly
self-directed stamped envelope, l
should be glad to send you dia-
gram and description of the Som
ersaultauqua, but when it comes to
rolling 'em backward, you must just
learn that on your own. 1t is great
fun and good medicine. l roll 'em
backward myself. But you under
stand l have no extensive ground
to 60 easy on the burial Of my dead
and so l have to go easy on the
backward stunt. About one in each
thousand freshmen in this course
who tried the forward rolls swore
he broke his>neck doing it. want
to keep the mortality low. Nobody
, who can get down and roll half a
dozen somersaults on the floor Is
old. Anybody who can roll half a
dozen or a dozen backward, coming
up smiling each time, is still young.
This is just as good and scientific
/, as any test there is. Some poor old
geeks think it is just a joke; they
do not take this somersault stun
| seriously. Let 'em learn to roll and
roll right back again, if they can
| and then they'll begin to see that it
| is life that is joke, and they won't
take life so seriously.
tuberculosis.
Three months ago my doctor told
me my right lung was affected with
tuberculosis He has been giving
me regular treatment for tuber,
culosis, and now l have gained q
pounds and the doctor says all dan
ger is past and l am almost en-
tirely cured. Is it possible l coult
have recovered from tuberculosis:
in three months? Do you advise me
to go to southern California OF
New Mexico? IN B. j.
Answer-Certainly it is possible
tuberculosis is the most durable o
all serious chronic diseases, if in
telligently treated, and that i'm
plies early recognition of the dis
ease, as in your case. l should ad
wise no change of climate unless
your doctor thinks it necessary.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
SEVEN SUMMERS.
BY Agnes johnson.
Copyright, 1922. by Wheeler

1t was different Frank and Mae
who were parties to this impromptu
tete-a-tete. A lapse of six years
had wrought the usual inevitable
changes. Though scarcely 80, there
were sharp little lines across his
forehead and about his eyes; and
while she knew and successfully
practiced the secret feminine art Of
concealing age she looked a trifle
wan, and in the swollen veins on
her hands he saw indubitable evil
dence of her avowed purpose TO do
mental work rather than accept his
help for the support of herself and
child.
For they were victims of an I'M
fortunate match, these two. The
misunderstanding had come shortly
after the birth of their baby girl,
when Mae decided to assert" her
self. He was a canvasser of the
dry goods line, and his wife had
grown weary of being lonesome
the delightful anticipation with
which she used to look forward to
his uncertain returns gradually lost
its lustre and finally became intol-
erably irksome, and she complained
accordingly.
She wanted to be taken out and
entertained Lille other girls. etc
Whereupon he explained that his
absence was their livelihood, and
in desperation had tried the forlorI
compromise of mixing reason with
sentiment las if the two were com.
patihleD by urging her to be patient
and appealing to her sense of re-
sponsibility, ending with beautiful
word pictures of comforts thai
were to come with assured future
success.
| sBut his plans had failed to mater
rialize and he was forced to con
tinue on the road. Alas, forbear
ance is a virtue seldom known t.
youth, SO Frank and Mae awoke tt
find their dreams another theor.
gone wrong. An understanding be
| ing hopelessly out Of the question
| it was agreed that she should SUI
and he would not contest, her onl.
| stipulation being that she was Il
keep the child.
This unpleasant task being dis
posed of. they had gone their sepa
rate ways, and in time forgotten
each other. And now, six year
/ later, fate had decreed that Mae
accompanied by her little CIR
should be at luncheon at this auie
tea room just OF Main street an
that Frank should walk in and 81
directly opposite them. Shown
that time is no respecter Of conven
ton.
"Mae!!" He came to her an
greeted her cordially. Can l be
liexe my eyes%
She displayed no su1h false in
hibition as to cry out, nor did sh
shrink from him, but merely CAV
slight involuntary start; an
though somewhat reserved at frs
his cherfulnessi and pleasant man
ner soon composed her and invite
her confidence. ?
4. He asked her much about hersei
and little girl, and she answere
him with equal frankness. Then i
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

they presented. For long time
not word passed between the little
party, for even the child. as If dis
ciplined in accordance with a
charming tradition. was seen. but
not heard, but the setting was elo-
quent, for all Its muteness.
Left to conjecture, ii was story
without words, depicting the end OF
sorrow and the beginning OF ripe
happiness in which two souls were
reunited in perfect faith and trust |;
q reputation Of the act that would,
because Of 4 youthful error, put
asunder the twain who before God
were as one unto death.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

Acting Chief Of Police Fitzsimmons is tax
ing wrong steer from the disgruntied major
ity at the city hall Fitzsimmons. should re-
member that he is head of the police depart
ment and personally answerable to the $4,000
people of Rock Island, and not to few dis
appointed officials who are seeking to employ
the power of his ofice to punish some good
citizens who openly condemned them fos> their
attitude in the campaign against protected
lawlessness.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

Four thousand football fans stood cheering
the Independents before The Argus building
playing board yesterday afternoon, enjoying
gratis an exhibition that would have cost 81
per head if witnessed at Douglas park. Those
1000 fans of course all agreed with the COM
plant of the vice vultures and the city admin
istration that The Argus has been trying to
kill the town.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20
Your notice officials told ynu u

Your police officials told you that the Gabel
murder was an outside job The attorney gen
eral of Illinois tells you that it was an innside
job. And the attorney general of Illinois has
arrested persons who should have been in the
hands of the Rock Island police two hours
after Bill Gabel was shot dead in front of his
Fourth avenue saloon.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

If you were in the business section of the
city Saturday night you must have been i'm
pressed by the increased crowd of shoppers and
with the unusual attractiveness Of your stores
Just as good stores as are to be found in any
city in the country the size of Rock Island
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

The Argus Santa Claus Fund is opened for
business at the old stand. You are expected to
do your usual good turn for the happiness of
the Door children of Rock Island at Christina s
time Send along your contribution. and The
Argus Santa Claus committee will do the rest.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

The Rock Island police found bombs in a
raid of the Looney vice vultures' roost This is
the den from which John Looney issued orders
to the officials and courts Of Rock Island city
and county. This is the den from which Looney
promoted and protected the lawless traiIicking
that resulted in seven murders in your city in
few months
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

The people of Rock Island don't want to see
any innocent man suffer in connection with the
campaign against lawlessness in Rock Island,
but they are insisting that full reparatioh be
made by those Responsible for betraying the
community into the hands of the elements Of
lawlessness, influences that thrived and
strengthened through official acquiescence.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

The Davenport police Saturday night ar
rested 81 persons in raid on vice resorts.
Rock Island is glad to see its neighbors follow
ing its example. They will feel better and more
respectable after the operation has been COM
pleted.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

The Argus wishes to warn Acting Chief OF
Police Fitzsimmons that some good folks are
being stung at those sewing bees at the Young
Woman's Christian association Our good work
ing girls ought to be better protected by our
chief
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

@. What English authors were
born in London? J. II.
A. Bacon, Blake, Broun, Brown
ing, Byron. Chaucer. Crashaw. De-
foe, DeMorgan, Dome, Gaskell,
Gibbon, Gray, Herrick, Hunt. Hulk
lev, Jonson. Keats, Lamb, Milton,
More, Morris, Newman, Pater, Pi-
nero, Pope. Mrs. Radcliffe. Ros-
setti, Ruskin, Shirley. Spenser.
Swinburne, Walpole, Zangwiil.
@. In playing stud poker. two
players were late in coming in and
the dealer started dealing cards
Do these cards stand or must they
be thrown away? l.. h. X.
A. The rules Of stud poker say
that If, before the betting is cog
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-11-20

(Aay reedse en- set tho snsvee 70 -
ton Bureau. Frederic ]. Haskin. Director.
address and enclose two-ccnt stamp LOT
eouhdeptial. tho replies being sent oHS0
naid TO spnonymoue ietters.l
New-York tribune., 1922-05-28

Tin Cup Col. AS Mr.. Snoggys attorneys, we
beg to advise you that must collect S2.36
royalties from you, and hereby warn you that
any further use Of Mr. Snoggys process of
combining prune whip and chocolate will ne
cessitate the beginning of legal proceedings
against you. The penalty in case of convc-
tion for patent Infringement we beg to advise
you, is not less than $500 fine, or one years
imprisonment or both. Trusting that we will
hear no further complaint regarding the un-
authorized use of any Of our clients culinary
processes in your kitchen we are yours, very
respectfully, WILKINS, WILKINS, WILKINS
& WILKINS"
New-York tribune., 1922-05-28

no time organizing a stock company and get
ting Stock Exchange listing And when
millionaire moves into ones neighborhood no
doubt it will be said with the customary dep
recatory shrug: "uh-huh, another one of the
new rich. He holds all the rights to that new
non-soggy jellycake which everybody is eating
this year"
But there is reverse side to the medal.
Think of the worry of the housekeeper who is
served with some such notice as this:
Dear Mad>~~ Last week Thursday at dim
ner~>I served prune whip dessert, covered
with melted chocolate. This is in violation of
Patent No. 748, ,546, held by Thomas Snoggy, of
New-York tribune., 1922-05-28

ner would be to invite contumely, if not phys
ica violence.
No doubt the public will be having lots of
things tried out on it, now that the race has
started for outdoing the man who found The
secret of gluing ice cream to chocolate. or vice
versa. C'ols who get up dishes will be
careful to secure full patent and copyright
protection, including the Scandinavian Also
there will be second serial rights and motion
picture rights to be looked after The inventor
of a new kind of chicken salad sandwich thai
positively will not leak mayonnase will lc>e
New-York tribune., 1922-05-28
By r. F. FOSTER

get the desired ruff Good players do not lead
sngletons when they have four trumps, as one
force on the declarer may bring him down to
their level and place him in difficulties.
All these rules apply to the adversaries who
are opposed to the declaration, and have to
open the play more less in the dark. When
the declarer gets into the lead he also has his
rules for the selection of the suit to play for
Some Of these very simple, depending on
whether there is trump suit not In play
ing no-trumpers two are important:
One of them is to play for the suit in which
there is the greatest number Of cards between
the two hands If between declarer and dummy
there are only six clubs, for instance, one or
other Of the adversaries must have four; but
if there are nine between the two hands they
have only four between them. The theory is
that the longer the suit the easier it is to es-
tablish.
Another rule, less known than any other
probably, is to play the suit shown on the table
when there is choice. AS long as the suit in
the declarer's hand is not shown each adver-
sary may credit his partner with something in
1t and perhaps discard from it.
Every bridge player knows the difficulties of
the discard when only one suit has been shown
by the declarer Which of the two others to
protect, while keeping one of the partners to
lead to him. is often a perplexing problem.
This is sometimes solved by means of the en-
couraglng discard, when both partners have
chance; one to show a suit, the other having
something worth keeping in another suit.
In the first column is simple illustration of
the value Of playing for the suit shown on the
table and at the same time concealing much
stronger suit in the hand.
dealt and bid no trump. To the average
player this looks like pianola and at almost
every table it was played that way.
A opened with a small heart and the ten
held. Apart from clubs being the suit shown
on the table, that is the suit in which it is es-
sential to take double fnesse This is the
way the hand usually went:
A small club, and the jack wins z gets in