Evening star., 1922-03-12

I
nocent boy, so young and so close to
death! Here on my left is a pile OF
bills; on my right you behold more bills;
| in front of me is the pay roll. and the
pot Is shy. Run for the door while
there is yet time"
The occupant of the checked suit
pursed his lips. blew a wreath Of smoke
gently toward the ceiling and watched
| the behavior of the gray circle with un-
disguised pride.
"Blinker Burke explained the situa-
tion very clearly" he observed. you
need a pinch hitter for Mr.. Ghost.
Well, senator, behold in little Peter
Dionysius Quigley your life-saver:
call your attention to my initials.
| When 1t comes to rescue work, I'm
the bully boy with the glass eye, and
| 1 work fast. Have at you"
He sprang into a fencing posture.
| executed a coup de maitre, and held
the quivering point of his cane three
| inches from the senator's nose.
Lathrop reached for the inkwell.
"Sit down." he threatened. ''or I'll
| knock you for three bases"
| Mr.. Quigley compiled.
Now" pursued the Seminole owner,
'besides enlisting recruits for the
Navy, giving fencing lessons. and
! batting for invalia ghosts, what is
your particular line?"
Mr.. Quigley beamed. "Ah." he OBJ
served. you see. have aroused your
| interest; everything else follows. I
| am a literary electrician, SENATOR
| matchless manipulation Of the stu
pendous spotlight Of peerless publici-
ty; repair the broken wires between
| supply and demand until the bell
rings and the clink of the ghost Is
, heard along the corridor. I belong
to that humble profession which
saved the starving children of Europe.
financed the war and elected Mr..
Harding; in other words, sir. am
press agent"
The man to whom the Seminoles'
bills were all addressed nodded SYM
pathetically.
II thoughet there was something
wrong with you." he commented, but
I didn't know 1t was as bad as that.
don't need press agent-aH l
need is a winning ball club"
The other took quick exception.
"All you need, senator. is crowd"
"Well, to get crowd I have to get
a winning ball cub, don't I?'
mot If you have a winning press
agent. Give me two weeks. senator.
and a fifteen-per-cent cut Of the gate.
and you'll have to string ropes to
keep the crowd off the diamond. III
make the Seminole Syndicate the
swatting and scintilating super-sen-
sation of the summer season. I'll
You'll waste a lot of time" sup
piled the magnate; that's all you'll
do around here. I've got a short
stop with a glass arm. third base
man with bunions, two outfelders
with rheumatism. and all my pitchers
escaped from the Old Peoples Home.
What 1 need is a new ball club; this
one has my goat:
literary electrician, "goat-new club
goat
LIS voice trailed off into the halls
IL of thought His eyes became
dreamy: his figure relaxed utterly
and then began to stiffen. Suddenly
he scrambled to his feet and began
.. to paw. He clutched first at his hair
and then at his collar. He appeared
to be fighting for breath.
II got it," he gasped. "Oh. my
lucky star. I've got it,"
well, take it out on the mat"
suggested Lathrop. You'll be more
comfortable. No use"
Il tell you, I have an idea," shout
ed the other, "a stupendous concep-
ton worthy Of Peter D. Quigiey-
mark the initials, senator! Welu
equip the seminoles with new thyroid
glands from gladsome goats mere
1ve-minute operation of the throat
and, behold, you have a new club,
the marvel of fandom. the only age
defying. gland-driven ball team in
captivity! Right this way, ladies and
gentlemen--don't crowd"
Enough" said the base ball mag
nate. Il can smell the elephants, and
my throat is full of sawdust. Which
! way is 1t to the lemonade stand2"
MIR. Quigley took no notice of this
attempt at fippancy. He resumed
his seat and lit another cigarette.
1T may be an ultramodern way
Of stimulating the ghost" he admit
ted. but it's perfectly feasible.
Trouble with base ball is. senator,
that you're depending upon the same
| methods to draw your crowds that
were in use forty years ago. People
llay golf now, they go out hiking. or
they climb into the buzz-wagon and
hit for the country. Prohibition has
put the night life on the bum, and
the men who used to fill your bleach
ers have got day Jobs. II you want
to horn in ON the public attention.
you've got to pull something that's
never been done before-you've got
to outmove the movies. or. in other
words, put goat-glands in the necks
of your ball players"
young man." said the owner of
the Seminoles. 'if goats were selling
at nickel apiece, 1 couldn't even
stand to windward and buy an option
on the first whiff.'
you don't need to-" Quigley as
sured. Haven't said was a press
agent? The goats will be paid for
through publicity; the operating sur
geon will be recompensed by pub
licity, your ball players will con-
sent because we will give them a