Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-09-20

make them dangerous.
wATCHH IT
Doctor Ito PATIENT: Its nothing
to worry about--just a little boil on
the back of your neck. But you must
keep your eye on it.
They Ought to Keep Warm this Winter
Announcement was made yesterday
of the secret marriage of Samuel Cole
to Miss Delight Furness. Mr.. Cole
serving as Fuel Administrator there
during the war. Miss Furness was
very popular and has a large number
of warm friends who will wisheher
well.
NO BENEFITS
People dat quarrels over religion,
siad Uncle Eben, Proves dat dey amt
gettin' de benefits of it,"
PRESCRIPTION
If you're feeling pretty rotten and you
don't care what you do
Monkey glands
If you haven'tany gumption and you're
feeling rather blue
Monkey glands.
If you've lost your old desire for the
women and the wine,
And your thoughts of entertainment
run to parties through at nine
And you'd rather eat bachelor meal
than help chicken dine
Monkey glands.
y r. n 4
People frequently stand on a street
car when little push would get them
seat up front. It's the same way
with life.
Love is the mortar that holds civil
ization together.
1t is hard for man to live within
his income these days. 1t has gotten
so a fellow has to go out and borrow
five dollars every time he wants to
stretch
THE UNUSUAL
Terrific mob on the street the other
day. First cop tried to hold 'em in.
He raped for help and the sergeant
brought out platoon.
Some mob. Two women tainted,
boy broke his leg, man lost his hat,
clothes torn. No such excitement seen
in ten or twenty years. Terrific.
Finally the police got the cause of
it separated from a tangle and took
her to the station, where she was fin
ed $40 and costs for disturbing the
peace.
"And the next time you go on the
street" said the judge, "see that your
face is painted, eyebrows penciled,
skirts are short, hair false and every
thing, un'stand? It's all right for
you to be old-fashioned, but the pub
lie safety demands that you look like
the rest of 'em or stay home"
n n
TURN HERE
Backward, turn backward, oh time in
thy fight,
And make the old fogies mere youths
for tonight,
Enjoying our dances, short skirts and
our strife.
Yea, Bo, what a kick they would get
out of lifel
Junkman: Any rags, paper, old
iron to sell?
Head of House: No, go away, my
wife is away for the summer.
Junkman: Any empty bottles?
The thought of his last drop always
brings horror TO the face of the para
chute jumper-also to the bootlegger.
CAUTIONS
Customer-That's the fifth time
you've asked me if | want this va
cuum-cleaner for house cleaning.
Department Store Clerk--I'm sorry,
madam, but last week I sold one to a
man who thought it was a saxophone
or something. And he made me near
"Old Black Joe" on the COMPOUNDED
ly lose my job because he couldn't play
thing.
A man whose wife is out of town
waxed real devilish last night. He
had dinner at the Y. W. cafeteria went
to the chautauqua and saw a couple
of gals dance the Highland fling
gosh-all-fishhooksl And drank a
cherry phosphate and ate hamburger
on the way home.
THERE'S A WILLIAM HERE
Bobbed-Oh, dear, I've lost my little
pink bow.
Braided-How perfectly awful
What did he look like?
Advice Don't let a bald-headed
drug clerk try to sell you hair tOnies.
The doctor says face powder is dan
gerous. 1t certainly is when a man
wears some Of it hone on his shoulder
X
QUALIFIED
Negro rookie-I'd lax ia have a new
pair o. shoes, sub.
Sergeant--Are your shoes worn out
RoOkie-Worn QUIT Man, the bot
toms Of nah shoes are so thin All can
step on a dime and tell whether it's
heads or tails.
- n 4
A girl never knows how quickly the |
dinner murns until her mother leaves |
the city for a days play spell.
Marriages may be made in heaven; |
but a comfortable porch swing often /
delivers the goods, gargIes Hardware
nan Sam Sauer.
Some men get by" by looking wise,
,thers by acting wise and here and
here one by being wise.