Arizona republican., 1922-03-25
LARDNER WEEKLY LETTER
A NEW INCOME TAX SCHEME

To the Editor:
Well the sanitariums is all
swamped again by guys that tried to
figure out their own income tax but
careful nursing and a mush diet gen.
orally always fixes you UP pretty
near as good as new in two weeks
time.
However. us guys that lives in New
York and other states if any which
has got income taxes of their own,
why we don't no sooner get over the
federal epidemic when somebody
from the state tax commission slaps
US in the face with a funny looking
green blank and tho pains has to all
be went through with over again.
The federal blank this year was
suppose to be different than previous
ones which amt no novelty as they's
never been alike. but this one was
suppose to be a whole lot simpler so
that even woman would know what
it was talking about Well / may of
got hold of a odd copy, but anyway
in mine the mystery interest kept
right UP to the finish as usual and
when you was through reading it you
was in more doubt than ever who
done the killing.
Further and more I always under
stood that blank meant a piece Of
paper on which they. wasn't no write
ing or printing. but this thing they
give me, even before begun to mess
it up, was dirty with words and not
only just words but words that Pres
ident Wilson would of choked on.
Speaking Of Detectives
The author of the blank is anony-
nous like the mirrors of Washington.
but the same guy couldn't of wrote
them both as they'e words in the
Mirrors that don't half to be looked
UP whereas the blank was probably
wrote by foreigner as it is in brok-
en- English with every little vile
dialect word from the northren part
of Italy like for inst IF your books
of account are kept on an accrual
basis" or "If amortization of war
facilities is claimed" and several
times the guy rings in fiduciary
where an American author would of
been open and above the boards and
said trustee.
But this guy has got you so baffled
that by the time you are u through
the book you are libel to forget to
mention few of the mental defect
ives that is dependent on you for
support at $4,000 per annum.
Speaking about these detectives
you only use to get allowed 100000 a
yr. each for same and they should
certainly ought to be grateful to the
govt. for raising the ante to an
amount that permits them to live in
ease in luxury provided they live in
their night gowns and don't eat.
Anent a Sour Check
Well friends don't know II done
the right thing or the wrong thing
but personally I sprung a novelty
this yr. by not claiming nothing. That
is l didn't put in no bad debts or no
losses by fire or storm though l lost
a whole lot Of cigarettes by fire last
yr. and as for storm, why one of our
big trees blowed down dureing a
slight zephyr in Great Meek and it
was one of the prettiest trees | ever
seen and as a ornament alone it was
probably worth a couple thousand on
the hoof.
But ! figured that If claimed any
thing on it why in a couple yrs. /
would get letter from Washington
asking me TO bring them the tree
and neither the B. & o. or the Pa
lines neither one viii carry that kind
of a trunk for nothing.
In regards to bad debts have al
ready been carrying on a long clan
destine correspondence with some
bird in the Capital with respects to a
little matter of a sour check which
a guy wished on to me back in 1919.
The guy owed me a $4,000 and he
paid me with check and the check
come back marked spoiled and to me
that was circumstantial evidence that
the debt wasn't so good, but the man
[ been corresponding with in Wash
ington don't seem to never tire of
exchanging mash notes in reference
to same
IL you loaned a guy say $4,000 or
100000 and he died interstate l sup