South Bend news-times., 1922-09-17

the Most Beautiful Girl in Ameri-
ca contest at Atlantic City was un-
satisfactory 10 all save Columbus,
Ohio. whose entry seemed to know
better what TO leave off than the
rest did.
September glides along with her
summer radiOtor operating, but we
know October is just ahead with her
nifty days and fiery foliage but
minus that brown ale that poets sing.
A man 1O4 years old, arrested for
drunkenness. was released on mis-
promise not to take another drink
for 80 years. We fancy that if he
can hold out the first 10 years, hen
be safe.
Now E. II. Konold wants to sell
US a radio receiving set for $3.50 We
don't want it. We have listened for
40 years. We want to broadcast.
Garry your wifes basket TO and
from the public market twice a
week you trifling scamp.
Blythe bye, they said We couldn't
do il single handed. but we did.
didn't we? Now if there remains
anything else you want for the old
town. address us care Chamber of
Commerce.
Girls IN our old city of Montreal
have organized TO fight the long
skirts, now decreed by fashion. We
have thought all along that it might
require statutes and a standing army
TO suppress the popular shorts.
Fred Rankert. who has an endless
chain paving contract at Evansville,
Ind, is visiting old friends here at
present. Evansville must be a big
city, as it would seem that by the
time Fred gets TO one terminus he
starts over again at the other end
His contract with the city Is evident
ly 'fn perpetuity."
George Senger. Mishawaka's pre-
mier impressairio, has again taken
up his winter quarters at the Century
theater with a bunch of top-notch
attractions and a benevolent smile.
They say the average life of a coin
is 20 years. If it lasts no longer than
that. somebody must be handling
a blamed sight more than we do.
A man with a highly colored nose
was arrested for illicitly selling
liquor at Goshen the other day.
Look at the defendant" said his
counsel. DO you honestly think he
looks like a man who would sell
drink II ne had it?" In less than a
minute the jury brought in a verdict
Of Not guilty"
A baby boy with two tongues was
recently born in Laporte, Ind, ac-
cOrding TO AL Jones of the Argus
staff OF that city. The one-tonguers
can represent that community I'm the
legislature for q years longer. Then
they Will have to get away.
Just los years ago Wednesday tho
British fleet bombarded Fort Nc
Henry near Baltimore. and during
the fracas Francis Scott Key wrote
star Spangled Banner" the words
Of which most of US intend 10 learn
yet II the Lord VIII just give is about
20 years more OF life.
wedlock IN olden times rarely
failed TO survive the brides beauty.
Now in many cases II scarcely sur
wives the first coating of wedding
rouge.
Frank Coats. the Beau Brummel
OF the undertaking business next to
Nels Jones. IS spending money law
ishly on mis- funeral home which,
with its recently installed electric
sign. is now the brightest spot in
town" And this, mind YOU. not
withstanding that since the medicine
show came to town several weeks
ago. there hasn't been sufficient
deaths TO warrant the business In
serving corn beef and cabbage often
er than once a week.
II Is strange that everybody cant
agree IN politics. when everything's
81 plain. isn't IL? Some people are
30 obstinate and opinionated
II IS said that Am bassador Harvey
is enjoying a vacation in the Scottish
Highlands. That means those fear
fully and wonderfully fashioned legs
again.
As the legs recede ears loom into
view once more. And ears do not
cause eye strain among the men.
either.
Sometimes 1t appals US 70 think
wha great golf or poker player.
horse-race plunger. champagne cork
pepper, Rolls-Royce speeder, cabar-
et-lounger or all-round loafer this
world lost when our daddy failed TO
accumulate about SIC, 200 0G0 and
leave Il at our disposal. Kind fate
has managed to keep US in the
corned- beef and cabbage line and
out OF mischief
Charlie Ostrom had his picture
taken IN Scotch Highland costume
while OH his vacation IN the dense
ness OF the Minnesota woods. We
got a squint al il. and viii vouch for
the fact that he has Ambassador
Harvey's calves skinned a thousand
ways
We believe steadfastly - a mans
right TO quit work: We believe stead
fsstlier in a mans right 70 work in a
legitimate occupation without the