davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
Last Wishes


Bury me not too deep,
But dg for me shallow grave.
That | may hear men say: The old
plum tree by the wall
Has started blooming
John could Fletcher, in "Byoo,a"
r. F. V
BufV me in a nice, deep sanitary grave
Bat tag ote ON my side aoith O ttoo-i,,ch
gas pipe from my eo1 10 the
suffoce
That | may hear men say: "T'he old
plum tree bv the 1oalt
Has started blooming"
Wig ii roNld interest me, know not
hate phtms.
The moving picture camera men are
eoing to combine. the papers say. to
keep out of the films persons Of whose
morals they do not approve.
If this movement becomes general,
life win be much smplifed. The
Solid South could organize and keep
Republican voters north Of the Mason
Dixon line. New York could rise in
its might and Danish all protestants
against Daylight Saving during the
period from May to September, inclu-
sive. The American Legion could de-
nationalize all who dsapprove of the
bonus.
or course, the system Of popular
censorship might be carried to ridicu-
lous extremes. But there is no i'm
mediate danger Of the police organz-
ing and running all the crooks out of
town.
Ne con- doubt that the world has i'm
proved IN the last t1Oo thousand pears
1rhc'1 QUO obserres the long hne Of ap-
pIicants for the privilege of casting the
first stone?
FOR TIRE THREADS"
COOK--French pastry cook Apply to Stew
art, Federal Rubber Co, Cudahy, Wis
MiltCdukec Journal.
"The Richer Some Men Grow the
Smaller They Become proclaims
Wanamaker ad, and brings cheer
thereby to the heart of G. c., who
chortles: CAT last have found the per-
feet system for reduction"
SPRING SONG
Old man IN the garden,
Wig do you dress
Lovingly the earth
With q caress?
For the satin fo1Uer,
That exquisite,
Quaint, quiet beauty
VIII bring to it2
Old man IN the garden,
DO you prepare
Tcnderly the earth
To slun,ber there?
ALEXANDER JAWS.
The Irish are rapidly catching up
with history. Having finished the
Revolution last month, they are now
on the verge Of the Civil War.
They're not hanging men and ,come7,
any more, ond ,pc'vc only the faintest of
ideas what they're shooting thch, for,
but it certainly 're,nGins "the most dis.
tressfuI country"
This morning, however, it appears as
though Erin's national anthem was
about to be recast-
,. Into J,imrrick forn, r. u "
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
Mother Hootch

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With yeast and hops,
And mufied pops
And thirsty friends all in row.
B D.
There was an old woman who lived
in Il shoe,
She had so many children she didn't
know what to do;
She concocted some mash and rigged
up still
And sold every quart for R tcn-dollar
bill AMY 4 TOB.
1'hs crittsr found IN Patagonia prob
ably isn't q paleozoic reptile ot all.
Ncybe it's sea serpent 1cho il spend
ing his deciining Yeoys o7t the iaooa.
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

Owned ty New York Trieane Inc Neu York
Corporation. Published daily. Ogden Reid. PFesi
6ert. q. verrcr HosrrS. Vic. President: Hcier
E0ssrs Reid secFetsr7 II, y Mssnela. Treasur,r
Address Tfie1ne Building ia Nassau Street, New
Sefk Telephone beckipsn 2ooo.
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

This morning; however, it appears as
though Erin's national anthem was
about to be recast-
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
SPRING SONG
ALEXANDER JAWS.

The Irish are rapidly catching up
with history. Having finished the
Revolution last month, they are now
on the verge Of the Civil War.
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

They're not hanging men and ,oome1,
any more, and 1uc'vc only the faimtest of
ideas 1uhat they're shooting thcn, for,
but it certainly re,nGins "thc' most dis
tYessful country"
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
FOR TIRE TREADSn

COOk-French pastry cook. Apply To Stew
art. Federal Rubber Co, Cudahy, Wis
MitCdukec journal.
"The Richer Some Men Grow the
Smaller They Become proclaims a
Wanamaker ad and brings cheer
thereby to the heart of G. c., who
chortles: CAT last have found the per-
feet system for reduction"
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
Sometimes he almost frightcns n. e,

We are certain that Heor, Of Ndunrre
IL fauntino his achite plume at IurY
dispioYed less rcol Uolor than the man
'cho walks into Mis office nearing one
Of the ne,o spring hats Nth the funny
Lttlc fcdtkrr on the sidn.
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

Into Limerick form.
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

Ne con- doubt that the world has I'M
proved IN the last t1Oo thousand pears
uhc,s o2c obserres the long tne Of np-
pIicants for the privilege of casting the
first stone?
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08
aCrSCRITT1cN RATES - By mall including
ros,sss. In THE UNITED STATES
GUAR aAkrY

entered q. ths Fos'orscc a. N,.v York a. Second
Class Mail Matter
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

4 Teros Troe. I6s ,e1rs Cd. o1vs q !,
>JoUse for .ntortcatioH ti.1s ths ui4 IS e:.l
CT thct cgs
New-York tribune., 1922-03-08

Butv me in a nice, deep sanitary Grove
Bat tag ote ON ny side aoiN ttoo-n,ch
gas pipe from my cor 10 the
suffoce,
That may hear men, say. "The old
plum tree by the WaN
Has started blnoming.'
Wig 1t moUid interest me, I know not
| hate pllt7ns
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
spURNED LOVE

Did Won ever love any one and 90 through the anguish Of
not having your love returneds In all nature there is no SUI
fering more bitter and diabolical than love spurned or love
tolerated in a kindly spirit without being reciprocated.
Rejected love has agonized both sexes in all generations
of the past. And it will continue agonizing as long as nu-
mainly peoples the earth.
About the finest thing that has ever come to our attention,
along this line, is the experience of Rodger Dolan.
Forty years ago, Rodger fell deeply in love with a girl
Of eighteen. She treated him ~kindly-promised to be a sister
to him-but as for returning his love, that was impossible.
She simply did not love him. And nothing could make her,
for love is emotional, not g9idable by the reason.
Rodger went through the torments. He paled, grew thin,
moped, even limited darkly at suicide. This latter worried his
friends, since it is no uncommon event for spurned love to at
tempt to extinguish itself in the supposed forgetfulness OF
death.
Then the girl began falling in love with another. This
heaped Goals of fire on Rodgers head. He disappeared.
Forty years have slipped by. The other day, Rodger re-
turned to the old home town. He tells what happened:
81 hunted up my old flame and called on her. And |
got the shock of my life. This former sweetheart had mel
lowed with age. She had retained much of her girlish charm.
But somehow she no longer appealed to me. 1t was like the
bursting Of q beautiful bubble.
.I thought it over, back in my hotel room. And, do, you
know, I was actually glad that we hadn't married. She had
changed. And so had l. When l loved her in youth, she
seemed to me the finest in creation. But all this had changed as
the years rolled on. I adored her as a rose bud, but when II
came to the blossom of maturity there were others that ap-
pealed to me more.
'I couldn't help but think, what a misfortune 1t would
have been for both of us If I had won her for my bride. In
evitably, we would have drifted apart as we matured In op-
posite directions. This was true Of me. I believe it is true
of both sexes.
an intangible ideal that she seemed to fit. Time has showed
me that I was mistaken, deluded. As she matured and aged,
she fitted my ideal like a badly tailored suit Of clothes fits my
body.
'It cost me a lot of suffering. But I went on my lone way
until finally I found another, my wife, who genuinely measured
up to my ideal. The girl of my youth remains a sweet memory,
but it was unquestionably a case Of mistaken identity.
"What fools people are, to commit suicide or brood over
love that is not reciprocated, when there are so many mil
lions of other people in the world, and among them some one
that will be more appealing. When the REAL ONE is met, love
will be mutual"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
CONSIDERING GRADE CROSSINGS

Plans proposed by the State Highway Commission to prepare
a map showing every grade crossing in the state are IN keeping
with the action of the state in the matter of improved highways.
Forty million dollars spent on roads will be largely wasted if
existing death traps are to be made all the more deadly by en-
ticing more people out to use them and encouraging speed by the
smooth, hard surface. 80.
Without a doubt, one of the most dangerous grade crossings
in the state is the over the New York & Long Branch railroad at
Morgan. This crossing has all the elements of danger that one can
imagine. The track is hidden from view on one side, the roadway
is narrow, there is an e~mbankment with water at the bottom and
ii s at the edge Of Raritan bay.
Not only is the crossing extremely dangerous, but it is the
cause of the greatest congestion of traffic on one OF the most
heavily travelled highways in the state. With trains passing every
few minutes during the summer season and with the highway lined
with automobiles extending far back into Keyport, the cars are
blocked continually so that the traffic barely creeps along until
this crossing is passed.
When the highway commission begins work on the grade
srossngs-and it ought to be one of the first things considered
Che crossing at Morgan should receive early consideration. In fact,
cha highway to the coast resorts can never be wholly improved
until this condition at Morgan is remedied.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
PERTH AMBoY AS AN EXAMPLE

Perth Amboy was held up as an example of shorSghtedness
in municipal development by the city planning expert who adj
dressed the zoning commission of Highland Park a few days ago.
A suggestion had been made that a large section of the land along
the Raritan river in Highland Park be classed as industrial instead
it would be a calamity that the borough would regret in later
years. He suggested that the borough turn that stretch of land into
q waterfront park which, he said, Perth Amboy would give much
10 possess. He also named several other large cities that would
pay handsomely for space along the waterfront for recreation,
among them Cleveland. He referred to Chicago which had enough
foresight to rescue its lake front so that today Michigan boulevard
is one of the most beautiful thoroughfares in the country and be-
cause of its restrictions, property along that boulevard is worth
many millions of dollars.
Perth Amboy officials certainly have had warning enough
about city planning and coming. The future development of the
city depends on what action is taken now to make it a place worth
while. While it may be too late to correct some OF the faults that
exist. it is not too late to see that what is done hereafter is done
according to a definite scheme carrying out a well established
policy.
incidentally, a way could be found, no doubt, for improving
present conditions without the expenditure of too much money. In
fact, with the right kind of handling certain much desired improve
ments could be made without costing the city a cent, the increased
valuations that the improvement would mean being more than
enough to make up the money expended in carrying out the
project.
Perth Amboy is fortunate in having today a City Plan Com
mission that, with the small amount Of money appropriated for its
use last year, has accomplished much. 1t is made up of high class,
capable men who are interested solely in the progress of the city.
There Is every reason to believe that when these men report to the
aldermen it will be seen that they have something worth while to
propose and their accomplishment will fully justify an increased
appropriation for the coming year in order that the good work may
30 on. Theirs is the work Of building, boosting, booming Perth
Amboy. Tt is work that is well worth while.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
SHOWING THE CIVIC SPIRIT

Up in Newark they laid the cornerstone for a new million dol
lar Chamber of Commerce building the other day. 1t was a notable
occasion. All the leaders in Newarks business life were present
a. were distinguished guests from outside. The speaker OF the &C.
easion was Secretary of War Weeks.
Newark is city that is up and doing and much of its progress
and prosperity is due to the interests shown by its citizens through
this civic organization. 1t would be hard to find a city where there
n more civic pride and enthusiasm than in Newark and the growth
Of the city shows it.
Perth Amboy has every advantage that Newark has to grow
and develop if the people here would only pull together, show the
spirit needed to do things and be not afraid to tackle big projects.
The millions of dollars that Newark is putting into the meadows
along Newark bay show a faith in the future that is hard to equal
anywhere. It is such an optimism and such a willingness to tackle
great projects, looking far into the future, that make a great city.
Perth Amboy will never get out of her ~swadding clothes as
long a she continues her present policy and shows such little inter-
eat in the great things that are going on all about her, many OF
which concern her directly. Perth Amboy needs, as much as any
thing else right now. a wide-awake civic body made up men who
are really interested in the city, who are willing to work and sacri-
fee for the city; men with a vision and with brains sufficient to
help solve problems that are bound to arise. No city OF this size
can get very far without some civic organization such rs a Cham
her Of Commerce. When win the people of Perth Amboy wake up
z tais faatt
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

hollow sections warmed by the ex.
ternal heat explodes with very con-
siderable force, SO that a eans-hraks
on fire gives the idea Of q continued
roa of distant musketry.
@. Is French taught in the pub-
lie schools of Canada ?-F. W. r.
A. Formerly both English and
French were officially recognised in
the primary public schools of Can
ada, but in 1916 the school act was
amended so as to do away with BIZ
lingualism as q system. English
must now be the medium of instrue-
ton In all state-aided schools, al
though this would not prevent
French, German and other lang1ls ges
from appearing IN the program Of
studies for elementary schools as
they are now found on the high
school curriculum.
@. Why Is one who Is admitted
or transported on a pass called a
deadhead?-T. r. L..
A. Deadhead is the literal trans
lation of the Latin phrase, caput
mortWum, which was much used by
the old chemists to denote the resi-
dunn of chemicals when all their
volatile matters had escaped; hence
the word is iguratively used of my
thing from which all that rendered
1t valuable has been taken away.
Spectators or passengers who do not
pay are not valuable. from a reve-
nue. standpoint.
Q. Where does the word caroe
come from I'm. n.
A. The name canoe Is of West
Indian origin. the Carib word be-
ing ~"canaoa."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

WASHINGTON, Dec. S-Raising
water from one level to a higher
level at the minimum cost and great
est efficiency has been a problem of
the ages. Now it is said that it has
been solved by an invention shortly
to be tested IN Washington.
Thomas Gaskell Allen, an Amert-
can by birth and a graduate of an
American university, is tins inventor.
MIR. Allen is nov a British subject
and lives in London where he is the
head of a firm of engineers, but If
lis invention, which he CANS the hy-
Grautomat- the water self-raiser-
| proves to be all that is claimed for
it, England will not be permitted to
claim entire credit for him and his
a mplishment.
Sir Oliver Lodge has investigated
the hydrautomat and prepared a
long technical report in which he
ranks the device as n of the great
est inventions the world has ever
known and expresses his amaZement
that it was not hit upon centuries
ago.
When the news of the marvel first
reached this country, official repre-
s~entatiyes in London were instructed
to look into it, and upon the reports
made to Warrington The Bureau of
Weights and Measures proceeded to
build a working model here. Mr..
Allen recently conferred with Gov
eminent officials and will return in a
short time when the tests are to
made. Meanwhile another expert
nental model has been installed in a
New York office building and is said
to be operating successfully.
Briefly described, the hydrautomat
Is a device that raises water to any
desired height automatically, the
water itself furnishing the power.
Once installed it will continue to
function steadily without INTERRUPT
ton and without any attention until
it wearS out. That sounds like per-
petual motion, n problem that has
never been solved although inventors
have worked at it for centuries with
so little success that whenever one
comes forward with the claim that
at last he has made the great dis
| covery he is looked upon as a candi-
date for the booby-hatch. But the
nydrautomat is perpetual motion, II
is said, in so far as 1t will continue
ITO operate as long as the flow oi
water continues and the machine
holds together.
Moreover, it will work efficiently
| when the flow of water is so slight
that it could not be utilized in any
| other way. Also i. may be con
| structed on a small scale adaptable
| to the requirements of a farmer wht
would use 1t on a small creek II
raise water for irrigating purpose:
and TO develop power to u Lis ma
| chinery and lighting plant. or it ma.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

@. On how many roads has the
strike of the shopmen been settled?
A. X.
A. Officers of the unions have
been quoted as saying that agree
ments have been reached on 1874
railroads. Out of $4,000 striking
shopmen about $4,000 are back at
work.
@. What did the governor of
North Carolina say to the governor
of South Carolina p. H. B.
A. The historic speech Of the
governor of North Carolina to the
governor of South Carolina when
they met on the staircase of the old
White" at Sulphur Springs Is said to
have been "It is a long time between
drinks"
@. Please tell something about
the American Samoan Islands
L. o. e.
A. The people of American Sa-
moa are largely native: the total
number approximates 1850. The
area of the island is II square miles.
Nearly all the land is owned by ma
tives. The soil Is fertile; fruits,
chiefly oranges, grapefruit, Zines and
cltrOn, are cultivated. Copfa - the
staple product. There are IS pub
lie schools in which the English
language is taught.
G. When were tin cans first used?
20. l.. T.
A. In 1889 William Underwood
began to substitute tin for glass IN
the canning business, but 1t was a
number Of years before the use of the
tin can may be said to have been
established. The first machine
made can was invented by Allen Tay-
lor in 1S47.
@, Who said "a nod is as good as
a wink to a blind horse?"-F. w. r.
A. The quotation is from Thomas
| Chandler Halliburton. who va born
in Nova Scotia and died in England.
@. What causes the explosions
when a cane-brake is on fret. NJ.
3.
A. Cane-stalks being hollow, hav-
ing no pith. and being divided inside
every few inches into sections, are
very combustible when dried in the
sun. and the air confined within the
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
Ouesions-Answer

Any reader can get h answer TO
INV Question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News information
bureau. Frederic ]. Haskin. Director.
Washington D. c. This oher ap-
plies strictly to Information. The
bureau cannot give advice on legal.
medicinal n financial troubles. It
ioes not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on any subject. Write
your question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address and en-
close two cents In stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to ths inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

An Irish lecturer says Erin Is the
sun of Europe. 1t is pretty warm.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Alcohol was distilled first in
Arabia, so maybe that is why those
Arabian nights were so wonderful.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

We can't decide if fat men gel
rich Or If rich men get fat.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

1t Is found most college classes
are led by girls. So are the stu
dents.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

When the worm turns it doesn't
always turn into a butterfly.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

A secret is what you tell someone
not to tell because you promised not
to tell it yourself.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Watches are handy. Looking at
one may mean you either have to
go or can stay a few minutes more.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Entirely too many little blue boys
are blowing their horns.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
Bible Thought For Today

- HEAR THE WoRD-O earth, earth, earth, hear the word
OF the Lord-Jeremiah % 30.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11
1t is too late to shop early.

The honeymoon was ove when
the ex-kaiser's bride fired his SER
wants.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Difference between a hen-pocked
man and one who isn't Is one gives
eS?Ises and the other gives reason s.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

THE COMMERCIAL PRESS
PRINTERS
Perth AEboy, y. j..
1s1 New Brunswick ~. khens lsos
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Every now and then a congress-
mar remembers his duty to the peo-
pie, but the others won't listen.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

we Cdl L dtS4oO IL 1dL ilCA SCI
rich or If rich men get fat.
A secret is what you tell someone
not to tell because you promised not
to tell it yourself.
Watches are handy. Looking at
n may mean you either have to
go or can stay a few minutes more.
Difference between a hen-pocked
man and one who isn't Is one gives
eSHIscs and the other gives rcas0I S.
Every now and then a congress-
TAI remembers his duty to the peo-
pie, but the others won't listen.
Over in England an old man mar
ried a rich young girl, which is a
mighty hard thing for an old man
70 do.
Just when things were looking
brighter Eddie Rickenbacker threat
ened to make airplanes for $3.50.
Our idea of a man who doesn't
know where to go is n who sits
through a six-day bicycle race.
Over in Paris sealskin coats are
being made of rabbit skins. much tt
the disgust Of the rabbits.
Black shirts are the style in Rome
now, but when not in Rome yor
don't have to 10 as the Romans do
You don't e many pictures o.
girls going hunting because girl
don't hunt in bathing suits.
In Wabash, Ind, things are beins
closed on Sunday the first time, q,
they have the Wabash Blues.
j There never has been a case of al
American who remained in America
being Jailed in Russia.
Minneapolis man was awarded
81, 900 for time lost getting wronl
phone numoe g. Most of us seen
to get them right away.
There is nothing in a name. Ton
Coward is amateur champ in squash
tennis, whatever taht is.
Christmas at Try: Mama 7 got
totk already
There are of course millions o
acres of land In many parts of thu
world which could be made produc
tive If properly irrigated. AS a ru,
water can be made available If It cal
be raised very slightly. But the cos
of pumping water in qpantities oftel
proves p~rohibitive. If water can b
made to pump itself the problem !
greatly simplifed. Even small
streams, with a slight head, can b
II ade to raise themselves to any leve
automatically
Mr.. Allen says he is assured tina
his invention car be used to utiliz
the power of the tides. That mean
, tapping a practically unlimfte
source of power and would be sue,
an outstanding accomplishment tha
; speculation as to its possibilities ma
, well await a thorough demonstrate
that the ~hydrautomat is the marv'
: it would appear to be.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1922-12-11

Over in England an old man mar
ried a rich young girl, which is a
mighty hard thing for an old man
70 do.
The Jasper news., 1922-07-13

Presence of mind leads to safety.