davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

President of the Society for
~ Promoting the Illicit Impor-
tation OF Scotch Merchandise
awoke after a Balloon Voyage
which began Feet below Sea
Level in a Private Rathskelier
and finished 1000 feet above the
previous Altitude record.
When he Came To ne discov-
cred that the Pillow had climbed
over on top OF him anad was try
ing to work the Half-Nelson.
while a large Piie-Driver was
beating a rhythmiCal Tattoo on
the tender Bean.
lie had a Temperature Of 102
and his Ears were hanging down.
Also. during the Period OF Coma
some one had extracted the Eyes
and substituted two Hot Door
Knobs. -.
After, no had decanted n NINA
ture Niagara on TO the smoking
Coppers and removed his Collar.
he felt his way over TO the Win.
dow and denounced In unmeas-
ured Terms an English Sparrow
that had pcrChed on the Sill.
merely 10 annoy him.
In a little while he remembered
that he was Resident OF the
after that his Name came back
TO him and then ne recalled his
Boyhood and the Fact that when
he passed the Parsonage thu
Presbyterian Minister would ask
him TO pick some OF the LilaCs
and Snowballs and take them
down home to his Sister Alice.
From that Point he CROPPED
through his Life History up to
the Twilight on which tho Regu-
lars had arranged n Send-off for
Old Buck. who was pulling out
for Seattle.
In order that Buck should re-
member them as True Friends.
they had covertly planned TO get
him Saturated 10 the Eye-Balls
and then slip him on to his new
Home. spread out in Stateroom
Il, with long .stemmed Roses laid
across the Remains. This form
OF homicidal Gayety is perpe-
trated under the name OF Am>ri.
can Hospitality.
Our Hero remembered the polite
Getaway on the Low Speed with
everybody Respectable. after which
the Fountains started to gush and
Kind Friends began to come UP
out Of tho Ground bearing Fairy
Gifts Of the Liquid Variety. Some
what later in tho Evening he
found himself balanced on one
Toe on swiftly-moving Cloud.
announcing to the Stars Of Night
that he was True Sport.
In other words, he realized, as
he sat bumped over in the Morris
Chair, holding on to the Head.
lest II should fall Off and roll
across the floor. that he had been
Snooted for Fair, Plastered Ossi.
fled, Bensoated. Piped. Picked,
Spifflicated. Corned, Raddled. OBJ
fuscated. Soused and Ory.Eyed.
Six hours before, he had stood
on a Table and declared for the
brotherhood Of Man. and now he
craved but one Companion and that
was old Colonel r. +. Morse.
Standing over In the Sunlight by
the Window, where he could see
the innocent Shop-Girls going
bllthely to their 80 a week. he
lifted the trembling Right Mitt
clear above his Head and then and
there declared himself to be on
the Cart until the great Celestial
Bodies should skid in their Orbits
and the Globe itself dissolve into
Nspor.
Just as he pronounced tho
q Words. Newer A-sen." he felt a
great Flood Of worthy Resolutions
arising In his new Moral Nature
He would buy . Winchester Auto
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

q" oUsks are Quilt for every.
IL thing except for the COM
t,olsS q, fort ,ef those ,,5who, live in
~ shsms 3as oFisinaliya they were
: yembssssu s sths' deads and most
os hoasssi more thai one hundred
VA years old are for the living. No
!, Monder 70 many old houses are
haunted and tina, to move into
one, OF thsm IS, a sure sign Of
the death IN the family Of one Of
- them within q. year. a.,
Next the house was a. fortress.
or, an appendags TO q fort. and a
painful majority Of houses over
The Washington times., 1922-03-05
He Was Snooted for Fair.

matio and devote the remainder
Of his wasted Life TO shooting up
those who had some put away. And
when he died. the whole Estate
would so TO the Anti-Saloon
League.
Just after he had double strap
ped himself TO the Wagon and
started up Settler Avenue, he real
ICED that an Immediate Hooker
would be worth $4,000 TO him, but
but he took on about two Gallons
OF Water and stood firm.
That afternoon the Survivors
OF the Midnight Massacre got 10.
gether at a Club to compare Hang
Overs and find out what had hap
pened after the Earthquake.
Our Hero appeared just as one
Of the Hip Brothers was getting
ready to throw a Life Line. lie
was greeted with a ribald Shout
and told 10 come running and Save
Himself
The Moment had arrived for
him TO be a Man. lie drew him
self together and made the An
nouncement.
They saw him order Vichy and
go TO it as II II were a Beverage.
and then they tore up his Gre.
dentials and burned his Photo
graph and told him TO so out
10 a 3-days Cure and take Hy-
podermic OF Hot Mush.
He sat back and pulled the
Grim Smile which Savanarola
wore when they piled the F'agots
around him. lie was Martyr
and proud OF his job. BY the
same Token there Is no Brand
OF ReCtitude that grades so pure
and spotless as that exhibited by
the disinfected Dove who has not
touched a Drop for nearly "a
hours.
They saw him go home with
a Magazine under his Arm, and
then they sat around until all
Hours. tapping II up and prog
sing his Finish. They said he
never would last a Week, and
when he Fell it would be Some
Splash.
They began to issue daily Bull.
letins and watched the Case with
much anxiety because they really
liked the Old Scout In spite OF
his Eccentricities. When they
learned. at the End OF a Week,
that he had played Buttermlk
10 a Standstill all up and down
the Quick Lunch Circuit and was
at his Desk every Morning with
his Face clean and a Flower In
his Coat, they called q Meeting
Of the Vlgilantes and decided that
tho Joke had been carried Tar
enough.
After he had struck for a Fort
night. the desperate ENJOYS from
the Indian Camp went after him
for Keeps. They held it in front
OF him and splashed it on his
Clothes and begged him 10 step
abroad with them and go right
up to the Roof Garden.
Probably II they had let him
alone he would have come sneak
ing back into the Reservation TO
watch the red Shirligigs and pick
a few 81 those Blooming
Martins, but when they tried TO
Stampede him, the old New Eng
land Stock asserted itself; so he
substituted Itivets for Straps.
He Is now the honored Asso-
ciate OF those who play Cribbage
in their own Homes and eat APP
pies before turning in. But IL
YOU want to get a Line on his
Real Character, just ask the Still
Wet Brothers. They will tell you
that he wasn't there with the
Strength of Character. 30 he sim.
ply sank out OF sight.
M0RAL,-The Way Of the EI-
Transgressor In Hard.
Copyright. 1922, by George Ade)
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

and reach everything required
for food and mixing and prepar-
ing on one side. and for serving.
washing and distributing by
wheeled table or carrier on the
other. without moving from
where they stand or rising fiom
where they sit. Any more space
than this in "a kitchen "cometh
Of Sevil." making unnecessary
trottinS about and lost motion
generally. as well as wastage of
valuable floor space.
THE KITCHEN FLOOR.
The floor OF the kitchen should
be either of hard wood. or. better
still. Of concrete or one Of the
tough wood pulp mixtures; or. fail
ing this. covered with linoleum. It's
walls should be not merely paint.
ed, but enameled: its tables.
q, sinks and drainage boards either
glass or enamel or heavy paraf-
fined wood, SO that every sur
face Of tables. walls and floor can
be sluiced down or wiped clean
with wet cloth.
Tho stove should. of course. be
either gas or electric. for q good
economical gas works" or cleo
trio dynamo for ten or more
houses can be easily constructed
where there Is no city service of
eitheh gas or electricity.
In addition to this. the up-to-
date kitchen will be supplied with
cold-air pipes from central
cooling plant. so as to prevent
cooking the cook with the roast
when the weather is too warm
and to permit the room being
cooled by its numerous windows.
OF course. every kitchen ought
to have windows at least on two
sides. and preferably ON three,
SO as to allow for both proper
cross-ventilation and cooling; and
a hood over the stove to carry
away any possible odors of cook
ing.
A central heating plant is abso-
lutely indispensable for the proper
and healthful use OF the bath
room. for a bathroom without an
abundance Of hot water day and
night 10 little better than none
at all. Without hot water It II
simply a temple OF discomfott and
modification OF tho flesh.
HOT WATER BLESSING.
1t was the omission OF this vital
factor which gave rise to the
chiefest Of the thousand and one
daring and delightful jeers and
cheap filings OF the poor. Namely.
the story Of the model tenement
built by tho benevolent rich for
the deserving poor, in which, after
six months occupancy. the bath
rooms were found and turned into
store rooms and the bath tubs
used for tho storage Of coal. Moth.
ing OF that sort ever happens
when hot water is provided.
Incidentally. this famous and
favorite story of vestrymen, heavy
tax payers, or rather tax dodgers.
supercilious lady visitors. Lady
Bountifuls and the charitable rich
generally. can be matched better
by the story OF the family OF the
Italian nobility which rented for
a season the remodeled villa of an
American In Rome, and who were
found on a visit OF the owner
keeping butter. and melons and
green vegetables in the bathroom
and live ducks in the bath tub.
So that 1t is not merely the poor
and lowly who have a prejudice
against cleanliness by the cold
tub route. Like Mrs. Darlington.
while some people can battle in
water as cold as "Greenlands Icy
mountains" with perfect I'm.
purity" they prefer their bath
water slightly tepid.
(Other Articles nv DR.
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

fifty. ysars
show
u n m Is,
aakable
Tia traces s,saJ2 q
x.RI:er'-
Kin IN.
qarkIneNN l.
ness. stu.
'pidtty Of
,pns,an.di
,pter,lack
,!%syensilSS..
tioP, An
.Epsglts h.
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

Copyright. 1922. by George AdeJ
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

in their tens Of thousands, and a
happier, healthier crowd I have
never encountered.
fear that l can't pass your ex-
PLANTATION o fthe direct voice-that
It is the voice of the medium. You
admitted yourself in your article
on Mrs. johnson that the voices
were male. Mrs. Harris, too, pro-
duces voices which are beyond all
question male. They are so poly
glot that when a Hungarian took
Croat with him both got messages
through Mrs. wriedt in their own
tongue. The same medium gave
me voices through the trumpet in
my own study in broad daylight, I
holding the trumpet and she sitting
at the other side OF the fireplace.
All, well, II Ii over and IL can't
be helped! But II was pleasant
when j led you by the hand along
the firm causeway OF Ascertain
able Truth. We went some dis.
lance together. Then there came
a day when I felt that had lost
my grip. I threw up signals. but
had no response. Finally the light
cleared, and 10, you were up 10
your neck In the morass OF cynical
negation. with your arms round
the high psychic authority, Nj.
Bernard Shaw, must accept
facts and go upon my journey, for
there Ii far still TO travel and the
sun sinks. Perhaps you will come
out of the morass some day and
follow.
The Washington times., 1922-03-05

WhONE LIEg
On the same day I showed you q
letter purporting to be from my
mother and found on the table
after a Besslnet seance. I drew
your attention to the signature. /
then showed you her real sigma.
ture, and pointed out that a pecu-
liar slur, giving the impression Of
a false spelling. was in each. You
admitted It at the time. But now
we have your explanation. 1t was
q lie. But whose lie? Am I an
expert forger a. well rs . blasphe-
nous liar7 I am sure you don't
mean that. But II you don't. what
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
EAST ALBANY

Miss Natalie Moulton spent the
weekend at the home of j. I. Simon.
Mrs. Louis Beaugard and Miss Lo-
raine are spending few days at the
home of ]. 7. Simon.
The play, Cranberry Corners" will
be given at Albany in the M. W. A.
hail on Monday evening, May 10Th.
Pre- Memorial day will be observed
in the Vance school Friday evening,
May &c. A box social will follow the
entertainment. Every lady is re-
quested to bring box.
BROWNINGTON
EYE CLASSES and spectacles.
DIR. Lanphear, Orleans. adv If
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
WEST CHARLESTON

Oscar Hudson of the Center school
and Myrtle Duval of the village school
were the pupils from this town who
attended the spelling contest at New
port Saturday.
r. w. Faufaw, Arthur Horn, Mrs.
C. Barrup and sons, Ralph and Lee,
visited F. J. Faufaw in the hospital
at ST. Johnsbury Sunday. Mr.. Eau
faw is able to sit up one-half hour at
a time and seems to be doing nicely.
The pupils of the high school gave
one of their number Miss Airline
Buck, a surprise party in honor of
her birthday last week Tuesday even
ing. All enjoyed an evening of
games and music and left their host
ess some nice reminders of the event.
Refreshments of cake and lemonade
xUora co7suo1
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1922-05-24
GREENSBORO

+ Mrs, Lucinda Dow visited in Under
hill Wednesday.
Mrs. Julian Wiley returned from
Montpelier Friday.
Caspian Lake creamery paid AZ
cents for butter fat for April.
Memorial exercises will be held at
the Congregational church Tuesday
at II O'Clock.
Mrs. Stevenson spent the weekend
at her home in Barnet, returning
Monday morning to her school work.
Sunday morning Rev. E. r. Cor
don will preach a pre- Memorial ser
mon at the Presbyterian church, union
service.
VIM. Rollins has new Chevrolet
car; George Marshall has a new Max
well; Al. Debrune has a new Over
land, and Robert Wiley Ford truck.
Pre- Memorial exercises will be held
at the Methodist church at the Bend
Sunday, May %. All veterans of the
World war and friends are cordially
linvited to attend. Service at II a. M.
The youno lady delegates to the
ST. Johnsbury convention Of the 18th
to 18th, gave their report of proceed
ings at the Sunday evening meeting
of the Presbyterian church the 21st.
The Caspian Lake House has been
well filled with guests since opening
last week. Many are fishermen, who
have had good success at the lake,
bringing in some fine strings of
trout.
Two men have been engaged to
work in the village cemetery this sea-
son and it is expected to continue the
work that was commenced last sea-
son. Tt is expected that the associa-
ton will extend their activities to
the other cemeteries in the town as
fast as funds are available.
GREENSBORO BEND
Mrs. Mary Jardine is gradually
failing.
M. J..Belnap is painting and paper
ing the tenement house of Mrs. Laura
Pope.
Miss Mary. Simpson is helping to
care for her uncle, James Simpson,
who is seriously i'll.
Mr. and Mrs. James Hogaboon at
tended the funeral of John Wilmerson
at Hardwick Sunday.
E. r. Collins went to Newport, N.
H., the last of the week to drive home
an auto which he recently purchased.
B. d. Piper carried Mr.. and Mrs.
John Rock to Lisbon, N. H., Satur-
dav to visit Mrs. Rocks son, Charlie
Allen.
J. B. Lumsden, who has. been i'll
for several weeks. was taken to the
Hardwick hospital for treatment on
Thursday
w. l.. Rock has moved his family
from ST. Johnsbury into the down
stairs tenement in what is known as
the Fadden houses
Little Howard Cole is quite sick
with throat trouble. DIR. F.. M.
Crane was called as council with
DIR. Carter of Hardwick to see him
the last of the week.
The funeral of Mrs. Maria Cham
berlin was held at the M. E. church
Sunday at II o'clock with burial at
Greensboro beside her husband, who
died several years ago.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
Municipal offerings.

Harris Forbes & Co. are Offering an
issue OF sS00,000 of per. cent road
bonds of Forsyth County, ". c., (Win-
ston-Salem), due serially on May l..
1885 to May |, 1914. inclusive, to yield
4.60 PEI cent. Forsyth County, the
population of which is 1876, is one Of
the richest agricultural sections of the
State and has a. total bonded debt OF
less than u per cent. OF its valuation.
Winston-Salem, county seat of Forsyth
County. is the largest city I'm North
Carolina and essentially manufacture
ing center.
Ogilby & Austin and Rutter & Co.
and ]. S. Rippel & Co, Newark are
offering a new issue of $70S,000 of Az
per cent. school and Improvement bonds
of the town of Kearny N. j., due on
June 1, 1929. to June 1. 1852. inclusive,
at prices to yield 4.25 per cent. on their
1928 to 1927, inclusive. maturities 4.3o
per cent, on their 1928 to 1895, inclu-
sive, maturities, and 4.25 per cent on
their 1885 TO 1853, inclusive maturities.
They are exempt from Federal income
and New Jersey State taxes, and legal
investments for savings banks and trust
funds in New York and New Jersey.
George II. Gibbons & Co, are offering
"a new issue of $4s,000 coupon or regis
tered Az per cent. road Improvement
bonds of the town of Bedford ". ", to
yield AIS TO 420 per cent The bonds
are dated May 10, 1922, and will mature
serially in 1926 to 1910, inclusive.
The Union National Corporation is Of
ferring a new issue of $4,000 register
ed ) per cent. highway bonds of the
town of Poundridge. N. ", which will
mature In 1882 10 1912, inclusive,
and new issue of $4,000 OF
AK per cent bonds of the town Of
Broadalbin. ". ". Union Free School
District No. s. which will mature on
November 1. 1922 TO November 1. f94i,
inclusive. at prices TO yield 430 per cent
The bonds are exempt from Federal in
come and New York State taxes and
are eligible for investments by savings
banks and trustees.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
M. F. BURNS ELECTED
In COAL co. TRUCE
New Board Will Aim to In
crease Trade Here and Ma
tiOnaliZe Business.

The difficulties between the manage
ment and the controlling interest of
Burns Brothers have been amicably adj
5usted, 1t would appear from the results
6f the annual meeting yesterday, when
board of directors was selected which
NJ. F. Burns. president, said was COM
pletely satisfactory. The new board, ac-
oording to w. ]. Shea, one Of the prin-
cipal stockholders. represents a "verY
agreeable compromise between the new
and old interests
The directors elected were ]. S. Bache
M. F. Burns. +. l.. Burns, H S. G..
Brooks, Moritz Rosenthal, S NJ. Will
liams, G. NJ. Dahl, Allison Dodd, L. f.
Farrell, III. 3. Lake, NJ. b. Starring, s.
a. Werthein. c. r. Runyon. Jr.. J. S.
Smoot. G. c. Warren, Jr, and r.. l..
Chadbourne. Mr.. Shea in a statement
said:
I'VE voted our stock in favor of Pres
ldent NJ. r. Burns and his son, f. r..
Burns. vice-president of the company,
who are the premier men I'M the retail
coal trade and who, under an arrange
inent made with the opposition. have
agreed to continue the management
The new board represents a very agree
able compromise between the new in
board a large new banking interest
which includes G. n. Dahl OF the Chase
National Bank, Moritz Rosenthal of La
denburg, Thalmann & Co.. NJ B. Star
ring of the United Railways of San
Francisco and t. L. Chadbourne, who
has been instrumental in bringing about
various steel mergers.
THE policy OF the new board is 10
increase the company's operations with
in the five boroughs of New York and
to nationalize as well the retail coai
business in the direction of organizing
more companies that will embrace Chi
cago, Baltimore. Ut. Louis, Boston and
philadelphia"
Nothing was said at the meeting con-
cerning the designations OF the president
and his son. which were presented at
a special meeting two weeks ago and
declined. A total of 240, 900 votes was
represented at the meeting
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
$4,000. 900 Sea Line FIotation.

Brown Bros. & Co. and Lee, Higgin-
son & Co. are offering s5.0o0.000 of fifteen
year per cent. sinking fund bonds of
the United steamship Company, Ltd.
of Copenhagen, owner and operator of
the Scandinavian-America Line and
other important steamship companys.
due on May !, 1927, at 95i4 to yield $50
per cent. An annual sinking fund. be-
ginning on May !, 1926 equal TO
twelfth of the par amount of bonds is
sued, is to be applied TO purchase OF the
bonds, IL obtaina BILE at not exceeding
par and interest. Any unexpended ball
ance Of such fund on December 81 of
every year OF their life shall revert to
the company. The company, organized
in 1866, is the largest Danish steamship
line. The bonds and small debenture
issue. maturing in 1926, and certain
realty mortgages constitute its funded
debt. All vessels owned by the COM
pany are free from mortgage liens, and
the company agrees that no mortgage
shall be created as long as any of this
issue shall be outstanding. In no year
since its organization has it failed to
show profit. During the five year pc
rfod ended with December 81. 1913 its
average net earnings were equivalent to
ilVe and one-quarter times the interest
charges on these bonds. In thirteen
years from December 81. 1905, to Decem-
Der VI, 1921. its net earnings were nearly
twenty times such interest charges. and
IN iszi, a year generally unfavorable to
tne shipping industry. they were more
than eleven times those charges.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
Rail Issue. Authorized.

WASHINGTON, May 25.--The Wichita
Falls and Oklahoma Railway was su-
thorized to-day by the Interstate Com
merce Commission TO complete the con-
struction OF branch line between
Byers, Texas, and Waurika. Okla, a
distance OF thirteen miles, for s455,T3s
The new branch. the commission said.
would prove a desirable connection for
the Colorado and Southern system.
which controls the Wichita Falls and
Oklahoma.
The commission in another finance or
der. authorized the Wichita Falls and
Southern Railroad Ia issue S6SS.000 IN
per cent bonds. S644,000 in preferred
stock and $161.0OO in common stock.
which will be sold for st,260,0o0 and
the receipts used to reimburse stock
holders and others who advanced money
for the construction OF the line.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
Gas Bonds on Market.

Stroud Co., Inc. and Bioren & CO.,
Philadelphia, are offering $500, 600 of
the Philadephia Suburban Gas and
Electric Company's general mortgage
per cent. gold bonds, due on Decem-
Der 4, 1853. at s5 and accrued interest
10 yield about 6.S5 per cent. Their
principal and interest are guaranteed
by the American Gas Company's in
dorsement The company owns and
operates electric and gas properties
serving the greater part of the suburban
territory adjacent to Philadelphia, and
its net earnings for the year ended
with April 80, 1899, were more than
twice the annual interest requirements
on its total bonded debt, including this
issue.
An issue of s75e,o 600 of the Citizens
Gas Company of indianapolis first and
refunding per cent. bonds, due in
ls42, Is being offered by Hemphill
Noyes q Co. and Huntington Jackson
* Go. The company has earned for
several years its bond interest between
two and four times.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
Bordeaux o. 81
Adams EXP Coz Bethlm Steel Chic Bur & Q Con Ga
cit Is lO<s Il IN As 1910 ~

I. IbfS
Ajax Rubber
&s 1874
The New York herald., 1922-05-26
DIVIDENDS AND INTEREST.
THE MONTANA POWER COMPANy.

PRErERRED STOCK DIVIDEND NO. 80
regular quarterly dividend of one aud
three quarters per cent. GMeo) on tho Pre-
ierred Stock has been declared. payable July
|, 1922, to stockholders of record at the
close OF business on June 10, 1922.
COMMON STOCK DIVIDEND NO. 20.
dividend OF three-quarters OF ono per
cent. (@a%) on the Common Stock has been
declared. payable July 1. 1922, to stockhoid-
ers OF record at the close OF business on June
IA. 1922. Checks viii be mailed.
WALTER DUTTON, Treasurer.
Is Broadway. New York.
The New York herald., 1922-05-26

THE Broadway National Bank of Buffalo,
located at ths City Of Buffalo, In the state
Of New York. Is closing Its affairs. All note
holders and other creditors Of the assoctA-
tion are, therefore. hereby notified to pre-
sent the notes and other claims for paytusat
Dated January 20. 1922
JuHN A sTACHowIAS. Cashier.
THE Amherst National Bank OF Biffais.
OF New York. Is closing its affairs. All
note holders and other creditors Of the as
sociation are, therefore. hereby notified ts
present the notes and other claims for psy'
ment.
Dated January 20. 1922.
s. j. URBANsRI. Cashier.