davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01

nearer home and been content to
breathe our own little corner of
wind. In such far-of ra1nbles
we might come to some well-or-
dered community where Demo-
Gratis, Republicans, Japanese and
nlggers would not be admitted.
Then everybody would be mad,
and somebody would start a
rough house and we might all
get killed.
When these astronomer fel-
lers first mentioned their black
plot against the safety of the
world, it was regarded as a joke.
Later, however, it was discover
ed that it was all based upon
fact, and that the story was
given out early so that we might
all get ready for the big event.
My private opinion is that any
set of men who are mean enough
to move this earth in any such
a careless manner as that ought
to be put up and lynched at
public auction. It seems that
other governments have been
rather slow about taking action
on this matter, and I therefore
urge the United States to look
after it at once. There should
be an Investigation" ordered
right away. and a committee ap-
pointed to see that no cranky
astronomer is allowed to get hold
of tools with which he could
pry the earth loose from its Or
bit. This business pf moving
the earth is a big thing, and we
are all interested in it. Please
don't let 'el1l do it.
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01
PROXGIVING THANK
LAMATION

Well, feller citizens, accord
to the governments medical all
man,, we are getting around
again to the time of year when
it is cuss-to-Mary for us, as al
people, to open the tiood-gates
of our lying and hypocritical
souls and pretend that we are so
blamed good that sugar won't
melt in our mouths.
After giving 364 days of the
year to the service Of the devil,
we imagine it will satisfy God for
us to come sneaking around and
give Him q few minutes OF
empty lip-service once year.
We all know that's what it
amounts to, and we just well be
honest once in our lives
Now, therefore, I, Warranted
| to-Give-us-Hardtimes President
/ of the Benited States of Pluto
cracy, do make and publish the
following Proxgiving Thank
lamation:
All people of these Benited
States are hereby notified that
Ethey are absolutely satisfied and
happy-that they have got ev-
erything their hearts could
crave, and that they couldn't
possibly be any happier in
Iheaven. In fact, I am expecting
|every day to get a message from
Heaven saying that God and the
|angels want to come down here
land live with us, since we have
Igot so much nicer and happier
Iplace than they have.
The public is further notified
THAT the cause of all these great
blessings can be: traced to- my
election as. president. ] have
transformed this country from
Ia howline wilderness OF Damo'
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01
"BLUETS AND BUT1ERCUPS"
A Little Book of Verses by
Cora Wallace Pearson.

This little book of poems was writ
ten by the wife of James Larkin
Pearson, editor of the The Fool-Killer.
The book contains about 20 poems, a
few written in the authors girlhood
days, but most of them in later life.
1t is neatly printed, and has a pic
ture Of the author. / will send you
one postpaid for 25 cents, and I will
also thuow in for good measure an
other little book entitled can Auto
biographal Sketch of James Larkin
Pearson" giving a complete history
of The Fool-Killer and it's editor.
This history booklet will be of spec
ial interest to all you folks who en-
JOY reading the paper. Both booklets
together for Is cents. Order today
right now. Address:
Mrs. Cora Wallace Pearson.
RosmsE, II. e.
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01
PAGE THREE
spirit RADIO"

Honest to goodness, fellers, it
is getting so that | can hardly
work for laughing. Every lit
tie while I just have to stop my
work and rear back and haw-
haw. The fool capers of the
fool Smart clicks in this modern
world are just too rich for any,
thing.
HaW-haw-haw!
/ see that the Spiritists are
taking up radio, and say they
are going to get radio messages
from the spirit world. In 9TH
er words, they are going to put
up a broadcasting station over
on the other side of the river
Styx, and the "souls" of dead
people going to talk back to us.
All we will have to do in order
to hear from the "land of the
dead" will be to turn a little
knob and tune in.
| Haw-haw-haw!
t That's very funny to me.
Suppose we got a message
from Adam declaring that he did
not eat that apple, then what?
How in the world are we going
to know whether it is really
Adams voice or some lying
hypocrite trying to inpersonate
| Adam We will have to have
some proof as to where the mes
sages come from before we can
isWallow them. Amt that q
| fact? Old Satan might have a
broadcasting station rugged up
in one corner Of hell, and there's
no telling what sort of bogus
messages he might send out.
/ Haw-haw again.
! But seriously, now:
/ II the souls" + dead people
| We're still. alive over in the spirit
world, I wouldn't dare to say
that it was impossible for them
to send messages back to this
world. In fact, if you are going
| to believe that the dead are not
] dead, you just as well believe
/ anything else the spirit mediums
J tell you. For that is the big
, gest lie they can possibly tell.
and if it can go down your goozla
you have no right to gag at any
: thing else.
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01

The financial optirnists are al
ways telling us that business is
on the upgrade. Doggon it, I
guess that's right, and it must
be an awful steep grade, too,
Judging by the slow progress
business IL making.
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01
PLEASE DON'T LET 'EM
DOT.

+c111OIy nervous. am aWfully |
upset.
Cause why? /
Well, | have just seen it stated |
in news dispatch from Tallima-
hassimaroo that a band of heart
less astronomers are Matching a |
dark plot to get us all into more
trouble. And | have got to|
sound a note of warning, and
sound it just as loud as I can,
before this thing goes a bit fur
ther.
It seems that the professors
at some Of the big astronomical
hang-outs have learned every
thing that they can possibly
learn about the celestial machin-
cry from their present view
point. They have studied the
universe and SKINNED the Milky
Way with their vulgar telescope
eyes until they have seemingly
conquered all the mysteries that
are in sight from the present
location, And so they now pro-
pose to take a crowbar and pry
the earth loose from its orbit
and send it whirling and spinn-
ing off through unfrequented
ways for the sole purpose of
poking their inquisftive noaas
into the hidden wonders of un-
seen and unsee able worlds.
Do you catch on to the ter
1ible nature Of the scheme? Do
you see the awful conse' uences
that might flow from the
execution Of such a plot? Those
of us who have studied astrono-
aly through tin dipper handle
are aware that if the earth
should be made to leave it's regu-
lar orbit even the fraction OF
an inch it would result in ter
xible disasters. Once off the
track, there is no telling where
the earth might wander off to.
It would be more than apt to
collide with some neighboring
world against which we have
rot the slightest ill-feeling, and
which it would be the height OF
i'll manners for us to butt into.
And aside from the question
Of etiquette, the force OF the col
lision would be mighty apt to jar
the gold filings out of our teeth
and do other minor damage, all
of which can be avoided by let.
ting the earth remain seated
astraddle of it's present orbit.
It seems to ME that our great
astronomers already know just
about as much as their heads
can hold, and what we need right
now is some way of finding out
if there is any truth in wha1
they know. Anyway, we NIGH
learn more than we contracted
for if we should pull up stake:
and 60 roaming around through
the uncharted universe in searcf
of new worlds to conquer. IL
an unguarded moment we nigh
knock the precious jewels ou
of Miss Sat urn's ring. Or i
we failed to do that, we nigh
4stagger up against Uncle Jupite
and make him think the dew
was after him with a beanshoot
.4er. ..- -.
~ III short, there are Just oed|
The fool-killer., 1922-11-01

cratic ruin to a perfect paradise
OF Republican prosperity. We
ought to be thankful that we
have had no hard times since
| have been in. We ought to
be thankful that we have no
strikes and labor troubels. What
you heard about a coal strike
and rail strike was just pack
lot Democratic lies. The coal
dlggers never quit work at all.
What would any coal digger
W, to strike for III such para
disc as this, when he had more
money and other luxuries than
he knew what to do with? We
ought to be thankful that right
now every family has got so
much coal stored up that they
are in danger of being too warm
this winter. And, more than
that, the mine owners are just
giving it to the people and beg
glng them to come and take it
out of the way.
| In like manner, the railroads
have quit charging for their SER
vices. They now haul freight
and passengers for nothing, and
often pay the public for chance
to serve them.
| Acting upon my advice, the
Iclothing merchants have quit
charging for clothes; the gro
|cery store would take it as an
insult if you offered to pay your
lgrocery bill; the automobile COM
Ipanies are just giving away cars,
land Johndee Rocky is pleading
with tears in. his eyes for people
Ito come and get gas without
lnoney and without prcie.
| I have had a. law passed that
rubber tires shall not wear out,
land there is nothing to do now
lexcept just ride and enjoy your
'Iself. You only need to stop just
llong enough to eat and sleep q
/ little. It is your official duty to
Ibe thankful for all these bles-
Isings. l..
/ Of course the soldier boys are
/ thankful for their bonus, and OF
, Icourse they appreciated my help
! lin getting it for them. AS each
Iwar-veteran goes around spend.
, ling his millions he cannot fail
to remember what a hard tins
: / had in forcing Congress to pass
! the bonus bill. For some reason
F Congress didn't want the boy:
!, to have all that money, and 81
+ lit was due entirely to my pat
q Irlotic efforts that they final,
Igot it. Hurrah for me and my
.lself!
IL 1t is rather hard to find any
= thing in the recent election t.
e be thankful for. But we Cal
: at least be thankful that We Re
lpublicans have got a few patche
d of hide left. We are Thankful
t for Lodge, and for Fess, and fo
dla few more of the good oil
= standpatters. We are also thank
d full that the Democratic landslid
t wasn't quite as bad as it Nigh
n have been. We are thankfU
g that the public's memory i
n short, and maybe it will forge
eIabout this and vote for us agai
q in 1924. Amen.
'eI -----------
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
POULTRY T0BE SHOWN
AT ANNUAL DAIRY SHOW

St. Paul, Sept. 6-Combining an
International Poultry show for the
first time with the National Dairy
Exposition, farming interests of the
United States will strive at the Twin
Cities October TIA to demonstrate
that the COW and hen figuratively
speaking go hand in hand for the up
building of more prosperous agrlcul-
ture.
Decision to hold the poultry show
and to make it international in scope
was reached by the National Dairy
association after a conference with
the Minnesota State Fair Board.
The agricultural building on the
fair grounds was placed at the dis
1posal of the Dairy Exposition .fo1
the poultry exhibit.
Plans for the International Poul-
try show which will be directly I'M
der the management of the Dairy as
ISOLATION, include the engagement
of George w. Hackett, Minneapolis
poultry judge, breeder, and during
the war in charge. of poultry ex-
tension work in the eight~Northwest
states. 49,,
!. Fully 1000 entries are expected
at the poultry show, representing
IS states and foreign countries.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
LAF0ELET'TE NOMINATED
AS WlSC0NSIN'S CHOICE
fBy GATED Press)

Milwaukee, Wis. Sept. 6I-Robert
M. Lafollette by a landslide vote
was nominated for the :, United
States. senate BY the republicans of
Wisconsin at Tuesdays primaries.
He defe; Ted .SWm A. Garfield by
a majority Of nearly 10000. The
senator carried the entire slate of
states officers to victory with one
possible exception. u" - = -'.>'''
Governor James J. Blaine, La
follette's supporter was renomma-
ted by majority of more than 100,-
900 on the basis of figures now
available. He was opposed by Viii
liam Morgan on the Garfield slate
and A. P. McHenry, "wet."
Serious doubts were raised today
as to whether. sufficient votes were
polled at the primaries to insure the
placing of the democratic nomina-
ton ON the ticket at the November
election. Under9-the Wisconsin law
a certain percentage of the total
votes cast at a previous election is
necessary at the primaries to have
the candidate listed at the regular
elections. H..
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
.BEMIDJl PLAYERS RETURN /
FOR GOLF TOURNAMENT

S. S. Wilson and W, L. Brooks of
this city returned Tuesday from
Grand Forks where they represented
the Bemidj Country Club at the
Grand Forks Golf Tournament Mr..
Wilson won third place in the 36
hole event, with a net score Of 156.
This event was won by a score of
1874, second place going to 155.
Eighteen holes Of this event were
played each day of the tournament.
The Bemidji representatives re-
port a very enjoyable tournament
being entertained BY the Grand
Forks club. Between so and go
players took part. In the profession
al event w. L. Grumpy, Bem!dii
professional lost to o. W. Chaplin
Grand Forks professional, ten up. A
fast game is reported, although i'll
health possibly prevented Grumpy
from taking the event. o. .a .rn'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
I B'lRC K OWNERS TO
ENJOY ANNUAL BANQUET.
Splendid Program of Toasts
and Report. Arranged fol. ,'
IT, Thursday Night t.. ~,

Stockholders of the Bemidji-
Birchmont Hotel company are invited
to banquet to. be given by the To-
cal hotel management Thursday
evening, September 7th, at 6:3O
o'clock.
The banquet last year was thrill
err and stockholders who attended
will remember the surprise tender
ed at the feast and the splendid
program of .toasts and reports given
by the board Of directors. .
The 1922 season, it is understood
exceeded by far the splendid record
made ii 1921 and indications. are
that F. S. Lycan and E. w. Byers
will again have some surprises to
spring.
!: The hotel will remain open this
year until after the convention of
the state Federation Of Women's
Clubs, September Is, IA and IS,
although it would be business policy
to close at once. y
In the meantime general invita-
ton is extended to the general public
to patronize the institution by CIV
ing special social entertainments,
parties, large or small, and to bust
ness men to bring their families
here for evening dinners, as the full
crew will be kept intact until the
close of the season.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
ENT0MBED MINERS MAY
BE REACHED LATE TODAY
Signal Blasts Reported Again
Last Night; Doctors Ready
to Give Quick Aid
(By United PrsSs)

At the Argonaut Gold Mines,
Jackson, Calf, Sept.6-Everything
is held in readiness today for the
final stage of the rescue of the at
entombed miners who have been ten
days underground. Red Cross nurses
from San Francisco are on the scene.
A hospital has been set up. Ambul-
ances are ready to rush the surv-
ors to Sacramento as soon as pos
sible.
The last blows of the pick that
will let the rescuers through to the
living tomb where the Al miners are
belived to have set off signal blasts
again last night, will be struck late
today it is belived.
Doctors to administer to the miners
if the latter are still alive, are al
ready here and this has given rise
to the report that the final attack
on the last wall has begun.
Mine Officials still retain silence on
the subject of signals, but all of
Jackson be1ives the word of the
miners in the rescue party that the
blasts heard below were set off by
the entonhbed men.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
DUCK HUNTING SEASON
T00PEN SEPTEMBER l6

Wild ducks, geese, coots, rails,
gallinules, Wilson or jack snipe, and
greater and lesser yellow-legs may
be taken from September 10th to
December 31st, following, both dates
inclusive. Wood duck remain on the
protected list. The daily limit is Is
birds in the aggregate of all kinds,
and in addition five wild geese may
be taken. A person may possess As
of the above mentioned species at
one time including wild geese, only
five of which may be possessed.
Section 62 of the game laws spec
flies that "Water fowl may be TAX
en- during the open season from the
land, from a stationary blind used
to conceal the hunter, from boat
or canoe propelled by paddle oar or
pole, (othcr than sail or power
boat when the same is within a
natural growth of weeds, rushcs,
flags of other. vegetation, or in pur-
suit of wounded birds, but may not
be taken from power or sail boats
or upon the open water, or from
aeroplanes. Rifles may not. be used
in taking water fowl. Artificial de-
coys may be used"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
BOY VICTIM OF TARGET
PRACTICE LAID FOREST

Funeral services were held this
afternoon at two o'clock at the C..
J. Larson home, 515 Bemidji ave-
nue. for Leon Larson, son Of Mr.. and
Mrs. C. J. Larson, who passed away
Sunday afternoon as the result of
a bullet wound received Sunday
during target practice at the c. j.
Larson farm near Wilton. Running
across in front Of a 20 rifle as it
was fired, the Larson boy was hit
in the back of the head and died
almost instantly. The funeral services
today were in charge of Dr., G. Fl.
Zentz, pastor Of the Methodist church
of this city. Interment was made in
Greenwood cemetery under the di-
rection of M. E Ibertson, funeral
director Boy friends of the deceased
acted as pall-bearers.
Leon leaves to mourn his early
death his father and mother, and
two sisters, Beatrice and Dorothy, he
being the youngest of the family. He
was well and favorably known and
his death is mourned by the entire
community.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
DIR. DANNENBERC BENEFITS
THROUGH SPECIAL COURSE

The offices Of DR.. A. Dannenberg
in the First. National Bank Building
have been remodeled and redecorated
and are now ready to again receive
patients. DR.. Dannenberg and his
wife Just recently returned from a
two weeks vacation trip during
which time. the doctor took a review
course'a at the Palmer School Of
Chiropractic at Davenport, Iowa.
He states that the school has grown
to such an extent since he was there
three years ago, that it was hard to
belivei it was the same place. He now
feels better able to serve the pub
lic with his knowledge Of the advan-
ced methods Of fhiropr tactic gained
in the review course. r,
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
PROF. PFLOCK PLANS TO
GIVE LESSONS IN MUSIC

Professor Charles Pflock orches-
ira leader at the Elko theatcr, will
open studio very shortly and accept
pupils for the violin. piano and Or
chestra, if he can be assured Of !
class worthy of his effort. He has a
number of requests by pupils who
are anxious to begin on the violin
and also some who wish Instruction
in orchestra work.
Professor Pflock has had 20 years
experience in music, having studied
under able directors at Leipzig and
Frankfort Germany, recognized as
the best Conservatives, and BemldJl
students are offered an unusual op-
portunity to gain expert instruction.
Parents who wish to start their
children in music may consult Pro-
fessor Pflock at his office in the
Elko .theater anytime after snow
hours.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
Ordinance No. 129 Is Heard
By City Council; Provides
for $4,000 Issue
FOR WHITE WAY AND "
DETENTION HOSPITAL
Ordinance No. 1913, Amending
Soft Drink Licensing, Is
Passed Tuesday Night

Ordinance No. 1919, providing for
the issuance and sale of $4,000 in
permanent improvement fund bonds
of this city $4,000 to be used for
the specific purpose of paying war
rants now outstanding against this
fund and which are issued in pay
ment for the installation of the white
way lighting system in Bemidji; and
$4,000 to be used for the specific
purpose Of paying warrants which
have been or which will be issued
in payment for the construction and
equipment of a detention hospital,
was introduced to the city council
in regular session Tuesday evening
and given its first reading.
The ordinance provides that it
shall take efefct and be in force
from and after it's passage and ap-
proval and publication, and if a
majority of all the electors of the
city, voting at the general election
shall vote in favor of the issuance
of said bonds, under either or both
of said propositions, provided how
ever that if one, but not both. Of
said propositions shall be voted in
the affirmative by a majority Of
all said electors, that proposition
shall be considered as though it alone
was submitted and the bonds there
by authorized shall be issued.
Proposition one is relative to the
issuance of bonds to the amount. OF
$4,000 at six per cent for the per-
manent improvement fund, while
proposition two is relative to the is
suance of bonds to the amount OF
$4,000 at six per cent for the de-
tention hospital A resolution to call
for an election on these bond issues
was passed by the council Tuesday
night
Ordinance No. 1913, amending Or
dinance No 120, regulating and
licensing the sale of Misunderstanding
beverages at retail, was read for
the third time and passed as follows:
Ayes; Jahr, Olson, Stafford, Smart
Lloyd, Rode and McKinnon; Hayes
Evenson and Lair. The new ordinance
provides for the licensing Of soft
drink retailers at SIS year. The old
ordinance held the license fee at
S25 Several previous attempts have
been made to change this ordinance.
Department reports were heard at
the Tuesday night meeting. The re-
port of the police department from
June l to September 1 showed total
of 145 arrests, of which IL were
committed, 33 suspended, and 20
dismissed on miscellaneous charges.
Fines amounting to $840 were inn
CONTINUED on Page 81
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
ENROLMENT INCREASES
AT TEACHERS COLLEGE
Present Enrollment' in Grade
Schools Is Below That of
Last September

An increase of 81 in the enroll
ment of the Bemidji State Teachers
colleg for the opening of the fall
term is shown this year over last
years high mark. s. The enrolment
today totaled 179 students, while a
year ago. the enrichment was 145'
A few more students are to register
next week by special permission, and
it is expected that the number will
reach 1856.
Regular class work was started at
the college this morning according to
the schedule and the fall tern is now
on in earnest.
Enrolment in the graded schols
of the public schools system today
shows a slight decrease in some in
stances. At the Central school the
enrolment is reported at 355, al
though this figure is expected to be
increased after the state fair closes.
This school shows the largest de-
crease this year, due to the fact that
the seventh and eight grade enroll
ment will be included in the high
school enrolment when that depart
ment opens next week.
The Lincoln school in the Fifth
ward had an enrolment Of 318 today
an increase of nine over last year
at this time. The North school
showed an enrolment of 1874 a de-
crease Of from year ago. AT
the Feast school 81 were enrol}ed
today, decrease of three from the
opening Of the term last year. This
enrolment in all schools is expected
to increase during the next few days
Today's total enrolment in the
graded schools was 500.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1922-09-06
RAY ToRGENsoN LAID y#+s -.
TO REST AT HAWLEY

|. Ray Torgenson, a former resident
of Bemidji for number Of years
was laid to rest at Hawley, Mimi,
Sunday. He had been in i'll health
for the past three years and no relief
was to be found. The deceased has 4
host Of friends here who will regret
to learn of his death. %>&
Mr.. and Mrs. Al Torgenson visit
ed, friends in Bemidji Tuesday :. and
Wednesday on their way back to
Grand Rapids from Hawley, wnerc
they attended the funeral. The de-
ceased leaves his wife and a four
months old baby, besides his parents
and brothers.