davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
Quincy Todd on Knickerbockers

onspiece bathing suits. They look
great when they are not ON your
own wife or your sister or your
sweetheart or anybody else that
you care quite q lot about. There
Amt nothing wrong in them II your
own folks don't wear them. II they
do, that's something else again
Strangers can be as snappy as
they like and you give 'em . hand.
When your own old lady gets out
with one OF the extreme styles on
and the other guys get to giving
her a lot Of applause you do not
think SO well Of this innovation. II
don't look so cute on your own
sister as on somebody else's sister.
Il remember during the one
piece bathing suit discussion at At
lantic City last Summer, which
takes place every summer. the
wife and / 30 down there for .
couple Of days and has got one Of
these ons-piece things In her grip
all ready to slip on.
we give the beach the once
over and we discover . large mum.
Der OF sea nimps and beach camps
with these one-piecs suits on. and
cannot be dragged away from
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

An so est goes. Everything sss
YER grand until afterwards. whsn
they both find that nns feathers
do not maka da fns feather Pill
lows, an that getting do marriage
license sss not like buying a.
teecket by da Cooney's Island boat
on set. H.
, But pretty soonly they maka Ia
srmistice and live scrappy svss
aftsrward, joost lika that.
Da Sprink. she sss YER foolish
season. Ds pots he msks da poms
about which he cannot read IT him
self nor nobody else can ondsr-
stand eet.
An ds park bench, she come NJ
out of da groun' an ds bum he 90
set by ds park every day all day
an wonder why he cannot find no
work for to do Get and mska da
money. Eef he keep thees up
every sprink he viii live hong
enough to die by da poor house cen
Get.
Zen ds sprink Teller josh hsem-
self to believe he ees YER rich
guy, an he 30 an DO something
foolish like buying ds Spring hat
for hees own wife, which he regret
eet next minute, but too late. May
be also he buy heemself da sprink
suit, which make hsem look like
ds cske-cster an all da old guys
think they ees young and dye da
mustachs in my barberins shop
and fool nobody but tbemselfs.
Every feller which live by da
city cen est he wants to move by
da country. an when he gets by
da country he wsesh he ses back
by da city. which make mooch busi.
moss for da moving vans. an when
be gets back from da country he
cannot and 30 good . place TO live
Hike he had when he left da city,
an then he ees sore he did not stay
by ds country. an 30 eet goes.
Ds sprink, she maka ds monkey
OF MS all.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

work this ON the bobbed-hsir
racket two years ago and get
away with II.
Before breakfast this morning
I overhesr her talking to the neigh.
Dor woman next door and she is
knocking this knickerbocker thing
like . steam riyetter. She says no
decent women will appear in the
street in these, things to make the
men stare at them.
ANY style that interests . fsller
in the looks Of any other woman Is
not going to make any great hit
with this feller's wife. That is one
OF the first things this feller nnds
out when he gets married"
But, for sn that" says Elias q.
Higginbotham, "these here knick-
srbockers are not SO very hard to
look at"
Certainly they are not" says
Quincy. When / tell my wife l
think they look very attractive on
other women l tell her the exact
truth. II l can name a few women
on which these things look very at.
tractive l make my case that much
stronger. They DO look good on
other women. They are like them
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

that beach for my meals. I am
lost In admiration and I can't get
over talking about how perfectly
lovely these hsrs girls look IN their
suits.
MY wife gets very weary sf Al
lantie City the nrst day and does
not get her one-piece bathing suit
out of the grip at all. She says she
has never seen 20 many huEries IN
one bunch ~ she has seen on the
beach that day, and I am . cast.
iron dumbbell without NO moral
code for standing there and admir-
ing them. 30 l do not hear any
more about her one-piecs bathing
suit. which IL my intention from
the start. a. ....... 49,.
IF nobody viii make any fuss
about these fool styles as they
come out they win soon fade away
like q beautiful dream. The way
to make anything popular 10 to get
some purity league after It. Every
time they knock the short skirt
during the past three or four years
they 30 up another inch. II these
same purity leagues would of come
out IN favor of short skirts the
Girls would all bs wearing skirts
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

No, Pheenie, you have no right
to be peeved because your girl in
Vited you around to the house for
a bite and then set the dog on you.
II she had wanted you to come to
dine she probably would have
worded the invitation differently
and had you bring your own vic
tuals. learn with regret that the
dog took a piece OF veal out of
your calf; he probably didn't take
the rest Of the leg, as he figured
the bone was all In your head.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
TT gEE the Young women are
e wearing pants now, Ike

wearing pants now, Ike
the men," says Efiss q.
uigsinbothsn, looking up from the
Mswspsper.
you win see IL II anybody does.
Thet's the one best bet" replies
Quincy Todd. what of TT" .-
But you are not In favor OF al
lowing the wimmen to get away
with this knickerbocksr thing, be
ysf" asks Elias Q. Higginbotham.
"sure, l am in favor Of H." says
Quincy. Il am in favor Of allowing
the wimmen to wear whatever they
want to. l am by way of being a
married man, you know. II they
want to wear plug hats / am in
favor OF It. l have got . system"
That's a wonderful system"
says Elias Q. Hisginbotham. You
amt in favor of having your own
wife run around in these here
knlckerbockers are yer"
Absolutely. tell her 50 yes
terdsy morning, when she mentions
the fact that she is going to get q
pair. All the other ladies have got
them, she says, and say all right,
20 ahead, az / am very much In 4
favor OF knickerbockers on ladies,
as them have seen have been very
attractive indeed. So now my wife
has decided not to get any knicker.
bockers at all and she is already
arguing against other women wear
Ing 'em, which you will observe
illustrates my system admirable"
Il don't get this system yet"
nstters Elias Q. HisEinbotham.
It's easy" says Quincy. Now,
supposing when she comes to me
and springs this subject OF knicker-
bockers on me ssndwiched In close
between two other subjects so
viii not take partickler notice OF
II. supposins ! get very sore on
this idea and knock II for q row of |
cuspidors. What win she dor She
win not even wait for breakfast to
be over, but will bs down town nos
Ing around for . pair of knicker-
bocksrs that will nt her. and she
win get the loudest pair she can
nnd. However. am quite q old
bird at this game and 30 haul OF
and get the old system to working
NJ onoe.
Il set very fond Of these knick-
srbockers and l press-aGsnt them
like circus. AS soon az she sees
| am in favor of the idesr of knick-
srbookers. she makes up her mind /
there is something wrong with It |
or l wouldn't be toutins It 30
strong. When l set this germ |
planted in her mind. which 10 not
an easy mind TO plant such germs
IN at that, I put on the finishing
touch by saying have seen quite
humber OF swell looking danes in /
these knickerbockers and said cos
tune. on the right sort of danes. is |
very easy to look at In fact they
are very attractive and | am very
fond of looking at them. and II my
wife thinks she can alook like one
sf these danes l admire 30 much in
knickerbockers abe had better 10
and get a pair as soon ss the
stores are open.
when she knows I admire to
see pretty ladies in any new finn.
srsek she comes cut agin it II
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

No, Periwinkle, mahogany does
not mean that a man has only one
wife; you are thinking of monog.
amy. Mahogany and wife may
both be made into useful pieces OF
furniture, however. In making
mshogany into useful furniture you
require q whole chest Of tools; in
making wife into a useful piece
Of furniture all you need is a ham.
mer. When you get to making ma.
hogany furniture, to produce best
results use your head.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
Choose Your News

-HE sroushy husband draw, . cheek
Why, for that hat bsxrudss the doush7
Twill n sys . week or
psrf.et husband has right here
wife admitted but without . shrus and frown.
And NJ shes asking for divorces
No one can liv. with him, of
Tbs nold6sh the phonos.ph ready fer the drsy.
birdsssd dishes packed for the hrst Of May
They haven't found another fiat,
But they In spite Of that
1hs sal.ris. of movie are being IN
Il 10 question what of these folks will do,
They reduced, me of the
Ts half q do.sn mote
Th. s.u "Civs Virtue" will be set In the park
1 yeu udon'tI the looks of IT, by II after d.rk
II msa . lot o artist folk.
To anon mu II 10 joke
quite stretch since she has crossed the main
Her native country to Her Grace
Will not look like the old place
They've \st.rtsd In to whuIe down psrsonnsl
rs~iInc be me to ms a rowing shell.
OF cours when we've ships
'Twoud be bad . hsht u then
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
City Life Snapshots
Central Park

VIE rowboats hook thick Sunday
/ There to WELD n n age
And q o
You're smis nsshbor lady
The atmosphere Ia bracins
Especially you're within a hsltmile of the
The prsncns ssddehorses along the bride path
So The not may a
fappers sit along the
ark hobo disdsin them all
bum perusss
the and from the
policeman maids benefit
he banging and the motorcycles fit
peanut peddles his Ave throw,
where the fresh peanuts all
ancient their drivers in plug hats.
Transport the gentlemen in
girl gaily in her tuftsd touring
'n-nrv goes jouncinP with ts rattle and It's jar
..s q. !ass settling newixl light dsrh I
benches shaded Central Park 81
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Yes, yes, Jarvis. II IL possible
that Mrs. obenchain has a link
missins-there is certainly some
thing wrong. There was no men-
tion of forged letters in her case.
nor forged letters; It was simply
a case Of home brewsd love that
blew up because It had worked too
much. As you say you are a track
walker wonder II you work for q
railroad or are Just an actori
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
By TAD

How many years was we mon
keying with detachable cuffs which
is iruned stiff and round, and whom
q fellow wears one of them he rat
ties like he 10 cranking MP q Ford
Have the women ever thought
up anything more foolish than q!
hard, choker collar that Ats q fell
ler's neck as snug as a guillotinef
When q man and woman 20 into .
hot restaurant on a Summer day
which one sets and suffers In out
andish clothesH Is 1t the woman Z
Not on your zinc etching.
Can you blindfold q woman and
back her into anything as ridicul-
Gus as . derby haiti
Some time ago a feller, by work
ing his brain hard for several years
gets up q soft collar to take the
place of the hard-boiled instrument
Of torture that men had been wear
ing around their necks. This soft,
collar is by way Of being very COM
Portable as a fellow does not feel
that he is yoked up like a twenty
mule team and is pulling a load Of
borax over the desert II took In
all several hundred years TO nnd
out that soft collars are more COM
Portable than stiff ones and every
body is very happy and begin wear
ing these timber collars, and they
all wonder why nobody ever
thought of Il before. The soft,
comfortable collars last for quite o
few months and suddenly some
thing happens. What happens is
that they 60 out OF style. Nobody
knows who puts them out Of style.
as everybody likes them very much
indeed, but they go out of style
nevertheless and It is soon a dis
grace to be seen wearing one.
"All the magazines say that any
bird who goes to interview a bank
er or a big business man aud wears
a soft collar is . dumbbell and AM
OIL can and several other things
No man can succeed in any bust
ness or profession unless he wears
a stiff collar, that is the propa-
gander.
"As a result every man rushes
back 10 the old hard collars SO as
to become a success In business.
He figgers that II he attends al
board OF directors meeting in al
soft COLLAR somebody is going toI
haul of and ask him to resign. Al
man has got to be stylish, no mat
ter how uncomfortable. You can't
be successful or efficient in an easy
collar. You gotta wear q hard coll
lar that chokes the sense OF humor
out of you every time you clamp
It on.
IL notice that most OF the freak
styles adopted by the ladies is
done to give them a little more
comfort and freedom Of action.
Now, what do you think of that,
old fapjsckH"
Il still think It will be very
tough II the women all wear the
pants" said ELIAS Q. Higginboth.
am. "You don't think they viii
stick to this knickerbocker fad, do
your" ..
They will stick to It for GER
tain length OF time" says Quincy.
"They viii cling to knickers Just
as long as anybody tells them thsy'
can't --.--'---------.....4..srsI srs
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

No, Slapstick, people should not
rail at Fate, for II they do Fate IL
pretty apt to come along and ride
'em on the rail. and Fate doesn't
provide side rails for womeni I
guessed that you are a bug, but IL
you ever get ridden on q rail l can
only hope that you are . strsddle-
buEI
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

rss, skeezioks, II Is perfectly
proper to take your hat of while
standing in the rain talking to q
woman. II you don't know any
better than to stand in the rain or
talk to a woman 1t doesn't make
much difference whether you have
your hat of or on-you won't live
long, anyway.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

No, Handsome. you cannot neces-
sarily refer TO a rum blossom" as
q nose gay" An Illuminated pro-
boscis II now referred to as a
''hootoh daisy" or bootleg posey."
Incidentally wood alcohol makes a
good tonic to grow hair on block
heads; try It.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Take this country as a whole and
the politicians at large. the reason
the country is in a hole Ia that the
politicians are at large.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

No. Wogglears. II the mark keeps
on declining in value 1t will soon
be so the less marks you own the
more money you'll be worth. Not.
ing you are of German descent |
wonder II you were born near Beer,
in the province Of LaagerI
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Some actresses have to get no-
customed to acting without audi
encss when they start work in the
movies; other actresses are used
to II.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

res, Tidewstsr, some women
have q 'orty-hve waist. and you
can't ret abound e. As you say,
woman with such a waist has a lot
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Y YES, Nuisance, dumbbell means
" fellow and dumbbelle
means a girl. As you sign
yourself Nuisance" / only Know
you're dumb II don't know
whether you're q bell or q belle.
Bell 10 something they hang on a
COW; belle is something they
hang" on q man.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

one-half the United States
doesn't know how the ether half
met their bootleggers.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

An optimist is q fellow whs goes
shopping with his wife.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

The successful travelling sales
man. is the one who swallows his
pride and takes orders from every
bodv
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
Drags from an Old Pipe

A nagging wife can keep her hus'
band home nights By going out
herself.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
Yes and No--By Len Fleming

to be thankful for seldom. Don't
throw your chest out; you may
need II some time.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

IF you are not familiar with your
own business. ask yeur neigh
- bor.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23
Cogitations Of a Cuck,

NOkAS0lAO1lS Ol u A>OCAOO
LOCAL nursery srn is advertising for r~nsa- -
~ washagtea should bring rssulta
rnRuG aENGRAroNa
thrss s.rs .
All srssssa alike, from hsss ~ sss<
Asppsr lsnG
But mst them, - ssss,
Thsy sanSws, ard ornes.
Anr the bsnkf
Of Sssp depression woe.
that Governor Edwards New sassssss
hibitionist
IN u p<x
We VI
getting Of yvSrs ssss
Ths sdvsaass
Of them They ss.s r'
thing sxms 10
. blump.
Song hit for 1870. grandma . nsppsr IN issa-
paeeIOvns people
certainly back from the laundry ~srlhs
E. There 4 n
And Ne woudreus
He didn't introduce his eH
To ether
First few marriages y
New York"-News item Beware the brides March!
The wit who said saA
John u. Rockefeller undoubtedly the rsins
soms naturally single
proves it
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Sopyrishl isss. ~ star co.
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

Great BriIalp Rights Reserved
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

first few days IN March sets record for number Of
New York"-News item Beware the brides of March! NJ
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

soms naturally smart. usually they're single
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

The wit who said that only natural Msthds
ossr the horssmsa bride tour forsot
hn D. Rockefeller undoubtedly would hold the reins
The Washington times., 1922-04-23

-. = ---.:s..iS;.Ss11o~
New-York tribune., 1922-10-04
u. S. Cotton Report
about as Expected
By William Whittam

All things considered, the cotton con-
dition report ae Of September 25, Off
cially put at so per cent, is not dis
quieting from the point of view of
what the trade expected. Unofficial
forecasts averaged sos, while the aver
age guess of eighty-one members o.
the New York Cotton Exchange came
remarkably close to the official figure,
being SOL per cent. The indicated
satisfactory increase over the final
yield of only l24.5 pounds last season;
and. although the indicated crop of
10,135,000 bales is much larger than
the final count of 7,953,641 bales last
year, it cannot be considered as at all
reassuring in the light of the fact that
the consumption of American cotton in
all countries during the six months
ended July 81 last was 5.947,000 bales,
which was at the rate of 11,S94,000
bales for the year, or 1,759,00O bales
more than the indicated crop for this
season.
1t is also to be borne in mind that
the takings of the six months were
from last years crop and that they
were at the rate of 3,940,351 bales per
annum more than the production. In
other words, the first six months of
the current calendar year saw rs per
cent of the crop of the entire year used
up; and, as exports are increasing, the
protracted mill strike in New England
virtually over and the number Of spin
die hours in American mills increas-
ing, there is nothing cheerful in the
prospect of the crop now being picked,
predicted at II per cent below the
comparatively low rate Of consumption
during the first half of 1922. Incl
dentally, as indicating the present
status in this country, the consump-
tion by American mills during August
totaled 2T.404 bales, an increase of
nearly 50, 900 bales over July. and the
largest reported in any month in the
last two years.
New-York tribune., 1922-10-04
III. S. Forecast Has
Small Effect ON
Prices of Cotton
Close Is Very Steady at a
Net Advance of 81 to ii
Points; Little Southern
Hedge Selling Reported

The last OF the regular monthly gov
ernment reports was published in the
otton market yesterday without any
ppreciable effect on prices. The re-
aert showing a condition of 80 and
al indicated crop of 10,135, 900 bales
was very closely in line with the aver
age OF recent private reports, and had
evidently been pretty well discounted.
The report showing s,ss3,oos bales
ginned prior to September 25 was a shade
smaller than expected. and would probably
have been reconciled with even a lower
estimate of total crop. as the trade be-
licves that tho crop has been much more
rapidly picked than usual After selling
UP to csc on these reports however,
December broke to 20,5oc under realizing,
the loss on claims that lslding move
Inent was beginning to develop. in the
! smaller volume of Southern hedge selling
reported around the ring, and the market
, clote ed very steady at net advances OF
81 to Al points.
The market opened firm, at an advance
OF 20 to 2s points on the rather lighter
liverpool cables and feeling that the
lrmer early tone of the stock market re-
fected confidence in a peaceful solution OF
the near Eastern difficulties There may
also have been some buying on u possi-
biity that weather disturbance in the
Gulf would cause unsettled conditions
ket sold about 40 to 55 points net higher
right after the publication OF the crop
figures. 1t almost immediately cased,
however. the report failed to stimulate
any aggressive buying, and trading was
very quiet during the middle OF the day
and early afternoon. Near months lost
all their carly advance, but the later de-
liveries held a shade over Mondays clos
ing figures and the entire market flrmed
up late. closing at rallies of so to 35 points
from the lowest On the basis OF last
years returns this on's ginnings would
point to crop Of about 1o.Goo.ooo bales.
but many in the trade believe that nearly
I 40 per cent of the total crop was ginned
to September 25 this year. and that the
yield might yet prove below 10000, 900
bales. Southern spot markets as officially
reported were unchanged to 35 points
higher, with middling quotations ranging
from 1880 to 2O.75c.
The local market for spot cotton was
steady and 80 points higher at 2O.S0c
No sales we're reported.
The range of prices:
New-York tribune., 1922-10-04
Wheat Higher ON
Uneasiness Over
Eastern Parley
Unlooked-For Strength in
Liverpool Market;
Heavy Speculative Buying
of Corn Also a Factor

CHICAGO, Oct. 3.-Wheat prices de-
veloped an upward tendency to-day, ow-
ing largely to uneasiness regarding the
outcome Of fthe armistice conference at
Mudania and as result of heavy spec
ulative buying of corn. The market
closed firm, q to 15sc net higher.
Corn gained Is to 1850 and oats IA
OILS to 19sc. The finish in provisions
was unchanged to 7 cents lower.
Nervousness among wheat traders asso-
ctated itself in particular with unlocked for
strength shown by the Liverpool market a.
circumstance difficult to harmonize with
prospective peace at the Dardaneles. A
decrease in the Canadian visible supply
total notw!thsta nding the big movement
of wheat from farms in Canada.
additional bullish factor. Fresh estimates
of world import requirements and of the
1922 Canadian yield were OF only tenn
porary effect in easing the market during
the middle of the session.
Bulges in the value of corn gave wheat
much OF the renewed upward impetus
toward the close Besides. a better -four
trade reported, together with higher
premiums for wheat in position to be de-
livered the spot.
Commission house buying Of corn was on
a broad scale, bullish crop estimates Issued
yesterday having decidedly stimulating
influence on demand. Oats reflected the
action Of corn
New-York tribune., 1922-10-04
Financial Items

n. Z Brown first vice president of the
american Surety Company, has been desig-
mated cha irqaan of the Surety and Casually.
Companies Committee in the approaching
annual membership drive of the American
He'd Cross.
The Empire Trust Company, has been
stock OF the Cardinal Petroleum Corpora
,fen
Ssea tfaion Oh common ssocl' saa-
~scr{bei Tor ander series ~ ap9iiestto3
Lia..ks may he ebtained from Guaranty
Trust Company, trust department, upon
presentation ef the counter receipt
sst asr. Alexander. Buck ard Scni1 ~efe
ga directors Of tine Pacific i4il lsfsst
rany yestert.aY q tbe annual ia~stta$
Niasafn2tosss f3si-. fol tefia eS tflst
yeags
Tla formation was arnoanced yesterday
;osf r. y DeNoe & Cos inc. With Offices Al
81 Exchange Place. to transact general
New-York tribune., 1922-10-04

business in investment securities Mr..
l''. leHoe was formerly with the National
Marshall & CO.. 70 State Street, Boston.
aSnnanee the opening OF a New York or
nee Ander the name Of Parsons Todd &.
-, i2sta' Offices at 81 Exchange Place.
fsie ra# SefK oftce VII " under the III
recton OF ]. Watson Dosvnes ana T. Reid
Rankip
E. Auen lzenderson formerly with r-ts
sci. i nn!cutt & Co, has become associated
wft8, &e@f & 60. ia ch&Fge Of The trading
department of the New 1ork oEfee
E7es Eu'ss AQrtSegn FaHroad is negotiat-
ft'g Ff3ta i9ea hayt<ers ter loan es S1o,-
HsE5,eoo or r 3 4ba csc. II is reportco.
lae Dra5aiam STATE ~ Baais d SAID IS
We ae6o f,ttaS 1ef $5,0QD Qo0 funding
l@an tcio
,Io9u S{ckerson 5r. is offering 5000
shares cumulative preferred stock of the
pennsylvania Edison Company at los a
share and accrued dividend to yield more
than $50 per cent.