Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1922-09-07
Smith, Jones
and Mabel
BY MORRIS SCHULTZ

-
clerks at Washington, but they were
no ordinary clerks. They were high
up in the scale. Smith was in the
war Office and Jones had something
to do with the Philippines.
Now for some unfortunate over
sight what happened was this: Smiths
department was conducting neat lit
tie warfare against bandit tribe In
the mountains, ignorant of the fact
that Jones department was subsidiz-
ing the same tribe for being good boys
and not interfering with their neigh
bors.
In other words, while Smith was
backing Bandit Borrioboola-Gha with
arms and ammunition. to keep Bandit
anka-Bongbo in order, Jones was
backing Wanka-Bongbo to sit on Bor-
rioboola-Gha and keep the lid down.
They discovered 1t quite by accident
one night when talking over things
at their boarding house ON Avenue w.
1t was no ordinary boarding house.
1t was the best boarding house In the
world, because Mabel White lived
there. Mabel was only typist, but
such a kind girl Everybody loved
her. Smith loved her to desperation,
and Jotes loved her to distraction.
There was also vulgar fellow,
mere manufacturer, living there be-
cause he was a widower; but, as he
was fifty, 1t was evident that Mabel's
interest in him was purely sympathy.
what are we going to do about itf'
asked Smith.
"Oh, do tell mel" said Mabel, who
was interested in things.
'.Why there's an internal trouble
startedr said Smith. This idiot has
been supplying arms and ammunition
to WanlSa Bongbo to raid his peaceful,
law-abiding neighbor, Borrioboola-
Cha"
Nothing of the sorti" shouted Jones
Indignantly. ''That lunatic has been
supplying arms and ammunition to
that cannibal, Borrioboola-Gh to raid
the territories of our ally, Wanka-
Bongbol"
but how perfectly thrillingl" ex-
claimed Mabel. do tell me who you
think will winw
''Borrioboola- Cha, of course" said
Smith haughtily.
"Wanka- Bongbo, without doubt"
said Jones with Icy Indifference.
"Then you two boys are really at
war with each other" said Mabel soft
ly; and her glance was SO full of
meaning that each of them realized
instantly that the winner in the tribal
feud was the winner of Mabels heart.
From, that time on Smith and Jones
regarded each other as deadly enc
mics. They pored over each item of
news from the Philippines that
reached their respective departments.
OF course the government realized the
mistake II had made, but there was
nothing to be done about 1t now.
Smiths heart leaped up one day
when he was able to tell Mabel, In
Jones' presence, that Borrioboola-
Gha's outposts had brought in two
heads of Wanka-Bongbo's men.
That night Mabel looked unmistak-
ably like Smiths, but the very next
afternoon news arrived that Wanka-
Bongbo's men had eaten three of Bor-
rioboola-Gha's and the look that Ma
bel cast at Jones when she heard the
glad tidings, drove Smith to despera-
ton.
For weeks, 1t was touch and go.
Now BorrioboolaGha men would
capture two calves and a dozen eggs
from Wanka- Bongbo's village, and
Smith would take Mabel to the movies;
then Wanka-B ongbos men would bring
back the noses and couple of eye
brows from Borrioboola-Gha's villages.
and Jones and Mabel would eat ice
cream on the stoop together, while
Smith CRASHED his teeth In his bed
room.
All the boarding house knew Of the
feud and scanned the papers with abb
solbing interest to learn the latest
news from the Philippines. The only
exception was the manufacturer, who
cast sour, dour glowers at everybody
from his motor car.
1t was 12-cylinder roadster with
silver fittings Mabel adored automo
billing.
The evening came when Smith and
Jones met at the boarding house and
ceased TO frown at each other. Ter
rible things had happened.
"To think that traitor Borrioboola
Cha should have joined your canniba
and turned his arms on the whites! !"
sighed Smith. II wonder where
Mabel IS"
Il can't understand that scoundrel
Wanka-Bongbo's joining your degraded
ape-man against the whites" sighed
Jones. HAS anybody seen Miss
MabelT
ooh, gentlemen, have you heard the
news?' asked little Miss Ormerod
bursting into the room. Miss Whites
eloped with Mr.. PhIhney, and they
were married this afternoon !"