New Britain herald., 1922-05-27

"Drat tn man." grumbed Mrs | Hercules, Husbands are all alike. Here l be with my rheumatiz comin' on and that there husband of mine is down to tn cigar store at tn corner
 tellin'"th boys all about his wonder | ful labors while tn ashes need to be | took out and there's coal to be got up.
 Men are tn most conceted pests l ever heard tell of. Boastlul? Why. tain't no name for 1t. Here's Here, for instance. Ever since he performed those labors and got hisself written up in tn Sunday supplement he aint done nothin' but brag, Lordy, tn average woman does jest as much every time she cleans house. And do you think we can get tn men to help by beatin a 3x6 rug or somethin'? ? Not'for a minute. The ood-for-noth- in's are always tired when you want them. I allus claimed that tn only thing men waz good for wuz to hang pair of pants onto.
 They're. tn. same in everything. They catch a minnow and at once 1t becomes a whale. If they take down a bed into tn yard about week later they talk as if they had don tn whole consarned cleann' job. They're tn most wonderful liars ever born.
 Them slick reporters didn't tell half tn story. When Here got ready to clean tn stables. what happens? In tn first place he couldn't find tn broom. Men never know where they leave anything. Then when he got tn place swept up I thought it was ruther quiet and I snuk out and there he wuz asettin' on an upturned pail 'Waal.' I says, sarcastic like whatcha settin' there for?' And he answers kinda slow: 'Cain't find tn pitch fork That made me so danged mad that I up and busts him with an old trace that he had let come loose from harness because. he wuz too
 lazy to sew it on. Stand up, fool,' I shouts. You 'cain't find tn pitch- fork? Do you expect tn blamed thing is going to walk right up to you and dance double shuffle to attract hayloft? I thought not You'd ruther die than think It wuz jest as I reckoned it would be. Hero went up to tn hayloft and there was tn pitchfork aleanin' up agin tn wall as cool and comfortable as you please waitin' for to be used.
 And then I had to laff at poor Hero. Wasn't it jest like man. though? He'd swept tn floor and then started to clean tn loft and of course that jest unused up th'floor so that he had to do it all over again.
 Here he comes now. I can allus tell it's him by tn way he bangs tn screen door, sort of shiftless like. Here, Here, I want you should go down cellar and git me up bod of coal. Now don't tell me you're tired because tn hardest work you've done today is to stand down at the cigar store and lie jest as fast as your tongue could wag. And don't tell me to lay off that stuff, Ma because that won't go with me.
 Dear me sars. He can't even go down cellar without raisin' trump IS. He'll sure break his fool neck some one" of these fine days. Men are all Ioafers and no good. If it warn't for us wimmin tn whole world would go | right plumb to tn dogs. Shucks.'
 For the past eight minutes we have been trying to figure out whats wrong with the world and we have | analyzed the situation with the fol- ouinp conclusions.
 Bobbed hair and bobbed brains.
 Too much jazz and gas.
 Too many finishing schools that do not finish.
 Short skirts and short bank ac- counts.
 Too much life and not enough | love.
 Imitation complexions, imitation thinking, imitation mothers and fath- CTS, imitation sons and daughters, imitation homes.
 Fancy wall paper instead of homely notices.
 Too many monkey-minds outside the zoo.
 Girlish giggling by grandmothers.
 Books by boobs
 Still, it's the best little world we have ever lived in and we're not hankering to leave it all of sudden. One morning Bill Jones said that the |
 coffee was punk.
 And the eggs were boiled too hard. And he went to work with deep |
 blue grouch.
 As he was going into the shop a
 hunchback boy smiled. \nd said, Good morning Bill Jones felt low and mean, so to
 make up for everything e,,,,loJ fnronoon and the