The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1922-05-31
Advice To The
 LOVelOrn
By Beatrice Fairfax.

Are you one of those people who pride themselves on what they do for otlh CTS? Do you glory in the thought that you are always doing favors for folks?
 Don't be smugly complacent about your generosity and kindness. There's
 nothing to be proud of in the satfs- faction you get from thrusting favors
 on people who would in all probabH- ity be just as well satisfied to fend for | themselves if only they could be left alone to manage their own way. We've all been annoyed by the "gracious'' hostess who cannot stop fnquiring if we won't have a little more meat or another helping of veg etabIes. She isn't to be stopped, and
 we may have to eat a great deal more than we want in order to satisfy-not our own hunger-but her sense of hospitality.
 There is the anxious friend who Is sure we cannot manage our own in vestments There is the one who feels that we must not be trusted to select our own clothes without the
 benefit of her good taste. There is the person who insists on sending out for concert tickets so we won't have to make a trip to the theatre to get our own.
 Probably we aren't ready to do any investing at all-or it may be that we have a small sum to put away and hate to take any one into our conf dence-it is even possible that the investment suggested is just the par
 ticular thing in which we hate to risk
 our little nest-egg. But the generous ffriend is convinced that we need help.
 and nothing short of brutality will save us from the proffered and un- welcome assistance,
 The clothes our kind friend selects do not represent our own idea of our personality. They may cost too 1 much. We may have felt hurried in
 our choice by having some one there whose time we couldn't too greatly infringe upon.
 l And when it comes to the concert l tickets, we wanted to go straight to
 the theatre and have the fun of making our own ch oice.
 For the most part, this business of being very generous and helpful is
 nothing in the world but way of satisfying our own concept of self. When we thrust kindness upon folks, 1t isn't kindnessit is just a selfish way of feeling noble at their expense.
 Friendship ought to be so simple and so clearly defined that we can feel free to ask the help we want. Our minds ought to be so broad and generous that we will be ready to ac- cept and understand when a friend says respectfully that he cannot aid us. We should not be burdened with favors we do not want and have Ho accept because some one else desires the joy of feeling like a benehcent angel-at our expense.
 I wish there were some way of teaching ourselves not to be obnox- iously kind. I wish there were method of inhibiting our seemingly noble and often selfish impulses to
 'do things for folks"
 Next time you want to feel line and generous, send a little contribu- tion to an organized charity-or go frankly to some one you love and ask if you may feel generous at their expense. There is plenty of poverty and work and need in the world cry ing out for our attention. There is plenty of chance for real service, But there is no need of burdening other folks with our desires to feel gener- ous and noble.