davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
That's Different.

Hals--Yes, I am writing ~ al
the leading nnasasines In the
country.
Hardy-Thaf's funny; I. Asdnt
read any OF your stuff In them.
Ha.e--I didn't say I was wyso-
ing In them: ! said for them.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
Merry Xmas, Grandmal

FAther-Now. Johnny don't for
get TO hang up your stocking ON
Christmas Eve. ~
3 John--I won't. but It's % small
that I'm afraid It won't hold many
presents. Do you think Grandma
would lend me one Of her stock
ings?
nther-Yon can ask her n you
want 20, but I think the dear old
lady wears socksi H
iHa 81 80 tAfktfft - N
There was . girl in our town
whose brain was far from dead;
Her Christmas shopping all was
done two weeks or 20 ahead.
And to the p. o. forthwith she flew
with all her might and main, !.
And mailed her presents days
sead-Belisvs me-, that's some
< SAnei So
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
NEWS LAFFS

VIEW, ROCHELLE man
III thrashed . friend to prove
IN that he was the boss In his
own home. The best way Of prov
ing the point would have besn To
thrash his wife.
A noted Russian ballet teacher
advises women to dance and stay
young. Their husbands are advis.
Ing them to stop dancing and say
home.
German printers are MAKING
more money than they svse did
before and yet they hawaii set
the price o6 Q sandwich.
Prominent writer says thaf q
girrs mother often doss the pro-
posing. And her fatHIr doss the
opposing.
RS harder to keep h tAs
straight and nAxrow path - .
Broadway sidewalk IN the rosA
hour than It n IN poiitics.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
PRO OCRASTINATE

0y AVAM 00EtOn newman.
1Wn HE clock struck 10. I looked
ut Alice.
-. Her lips were rosy red.
AT l0:1S I reaIly mean
10 steal q kiss" said.
Mn
She tossed =, roguish glance at'
~ ma. . n
And then she whispered low.
With . most delicious smiie, The
clock
II fifteen minutes siow"n Z.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
Flapper Fairy Tales.

Mother-Has the yc0n9 mn
lionaire that you met last neatA
proposed to you YETI
0sorgstts-No; told him nat
I wouldn't have anything 70 DO
with him because he was bothsr.
ing me with candy and nowsrs
and psstsring me to 30 autsme-
bile riding with him.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
An Interesting Cass.

An lnVef0DSlnB Nsos
Binks-SAy. DO you know that
somebody II drinkipg up IN ths
booss IN your 'csllarf
Jinx-Yss. the prohibatsSa asssts
are working on the cass.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16
Sleep, Baby, Slsepi

Mrs. Katz-The man who lives
on the floor above me must -
q football player. ~
Mrs. Pyjamas what nahss
you think sof
llrs. Katy--Hs has 70 oany The
bawi every night.
The Washington times., 1922-12-16

When We SEQ two girls, kiss. It
always seems to us that one Of
them - doing q mans work.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
RAINS DELAY THE
STRAWBERRY CROP
The Seasons Shipment Is Ex-
pected Around 1900 Car
loads.

Hammond, La. - The strawberry
movement from the Hammond district
is later than last year and shipments
have been lighter. It is estimated that
the total shipment this year will be
approximately 1,700 carloads. The first
car of Louisiana berries moved out
of the Hammond district on March Is
but the movement will not be in full
swing until the latter part of this
week, according to V. D. Callahan,
local representative of the United
States Bureau of Markets and Crop
Estimates, who is stationed at Ham
mond for the strawberry season.
Killing frosts during the second
week of March retarded an early move
ment of any magnitude this year and
heavy rains during the last week of
the month have caused a further re-
duction in the quantity of berries avail
able for shipment before the maturing
of those which have set since the cold
snap. It is now believed that the worst
Of the bad weather is past and that
the quality of the berries will equal,
If not surpass, that Of last season.
The total movement of Louisiana
berries up to April 6 is 116 cars, COM
pared with 631 cars shipped to the
same date last year. That the season
is not an unusually late one, however,
is proved by the fact that the CORE
spending figures of carlot shipments
up to April in 1920, 1919 and 1918
were 2, 78 and 1862, respectively. Based
upon the relation of movement in
other years it will be seen, therefore,
that the 1921 season was unusually ear
ly and that this years crop is proving
slightly earlier than is usually the
case.
The estimates of acreage devoted to
strawberries in the state were given
by parishes as follows: Tangipahoa,
1O,260; st. Helena, 600; Livingston,
300. The total area planted to the
crop appears to have been approx
mately 11,160 acres, as against 1900
acres estimated last year. While ear
her indications pointed to a record
breaking output, it is now believed
that unfavorable weather conditions
early in the season will have the eff
feet of reducing the shipment. Esti-
mates of local authorities, usually well
informed, vary widely, but it is safe
to assume, in view of the larger acre
age, that last years record of nearly
1900 cars will be exceeded and that
the excess may reach 200 cars.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
School Contests Endorsed.

Lafayette, La.-Plans have been per-
fected by a local committee, backed
by the Chamber of Commerce, to make
the annual contests of the Southwest
Louisiana Oratorical and Athletic As
sociation the greatest event of its kind
ever held in this section of the state.
Lafayette will entertain the winning
representatives of the various schools
in Southwest Louisiana in the associa-
TONS annual field day and oratorical
contests at Southwestern Institute,
April %, and the Chamber of Com
merce Trade Extension Bureau has
announced a program in addition to
the contests that will assist in bring
ing several thousand persons to Lafay-
cite that day.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
School Rally Closes.

Homer, La.-More than 500 contest
ants from twenty-three schools partici-
pated in the Claiborne parish school
rally which closed Saturday. Eleven
cups and nine gold medals were award
ed, according to announcement made
by association officers. Honors were
divided between athletic and literary
events, Homer schools capturing sew
eral of the latter prizes, but being
bested by other schools in the athletic
contests.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
SHREVEPORT AREA
REPORTS 36 WELLS
HaynesviIIe District Contrib
utes Greatest Number Of
Producers.

Shreveport, La.-Forty-one compile
tions, including one gasser, four fail
ures and thirty-six producers with COM
bined initial yield Of 9,485 barrels,
was the record of the Shreveport oil
territory during the week just closed.
The initial production increased 2,189
barrels over that of the preceding
week. when the record was forty-three
competitions, including two gassers,
three failures and thirty-eight produc-
ers with combined initial production of
1926 barrels
Approximately two-thirds of the new
production during the last week was
in the Haynesville district which reg
istered fifteen competitions, two of
them failures, and the other thirteen
recording initial yields totaling 6,625
barrels. There. were two more pro-
ducers during the preceding week, but
its initial yield was 900 barrels less
than that of the week just ended.
The Caddo district with two COM
pletions, both producers, showed 800
barrels of initial production, which
was an increase of go barrels over
that of the previous week, when the
same number of producers was record
ed.
The only district registering a de-
cline in initial yield the last week was
Bellevue, which reported $50 barrels
from six producers, against 991 bar
rels from five producers the previous
week. One failure was also shown in
Bellevue last week.
In the Eldorado district the same
number of competitions, seventeen, was
shown, also the same number of pro
ducers, fifteen, but the initial yield,
1880 barrels, was an increase of 80
barrels over that of the preceding
week.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
HANK GOWDY FOR NEW
BASEBALL CONTRACTS
LanLy BaCkstOp FaVOrs Agree
ment Holding for Whole Year.
Plan Would Compel Players TO Observe
Club Rules at End Of Season and
During Training Season
Would Aid Owners.

Lank Hank Gowdy, who slugged
his way to fame in a worlds series
once and then beat all the other ball
players to the enlistment office when
the World war broke out, has come
out for a new form of contract for
major league players.
Gowdy would substitute a IL
months contract for the present one,
which holds only during the playing
season. And Hank, in his calm way,
puts forward some reasonable argu-
ments for such a change.
At present, Hank points out, the
baseball moguls forbid transforming
trips after the season by champion
ship team ENTHUSIASTICALLY pre-
venting the players from adding extra
money to their bank rolls. And then
the same said moguls ask the ball
players to go through a training pc
Rod of several weeks in the spring
without pay. During the time that
the players are training they draw ad-
vances and find themselves in the hole
when the season opens.
With a 12-month contract, Hank
points out, the players would be COM
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
MlIk campaIan Inauaurated.

Lafayette, La.-Lafayette is the Sec
ond city in the state to inaugurate a
more milk for children" campaign,
and is the first parish to make the
start. The Parent-Teachers' Associa-
ton is sponsoring the movement with
A. w. Bittle, parish superintendent of
schools, as. general chairman. The
local Chamber of Commerce is coop
Grating. The parishwide program will
include exhibitions of moving pictures.
lectures, debates and demonstrations
in the schools.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Georges Future Home.

She was one of the richest widows
In Washington and owned a magnifl-
cent home. Therefore the marine
considered himself very fortunate
when he won her heart.
They sat side by side in the Hostess
house at Quantico, while the leather
necks and lassies swayed to the music
of the latest waltz.
Finally she murmured: George,
dear, will 1 always have as fine a
home as I've got now?"
George looked worried. "Why, you
amt thinkin' of movin', are your" he
asked.-The Leatherneck.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Move Child's Bowels with
e'California Fig Syrup"

Hurry, mOtherl Even a sick child
loves the "fruity" taste of California
Fig Syrup" and it never fails to open
the bowels. A teaspoonful today may
prevent sick child tomorrow. If con-
stipated, bilious, feyerish, fretful, has
cold, collie, or If stomach is sour, tongue
coated, breath bad, remember a good
cleansing Of the little bowels is often
al that is necessary.
Ask your druggist for genuine "Cali-
fornia Fig Syrup" which has directions
for babies and children of all ages
printed on the bottle. Motherl You
must say California" or you may get
an imitation fig syrup. Advertisement.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
ard Blow for 'Erbert.

H. G. Wells told an interviewer the
other day that prose which could be
metaphrased into poetry was anathema
to him. He will be heartbroken to
learn that in contrasting his peaceful
convalescence at Amalf a year ago
with his position today he perpetuated
the following:
"My mind and my soul were all my
own.
Now live to the tune Of a teIe-
phone"
Boston Transcript.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
II You Need a Medicine
You Should Have the Best

Have you ever stopped to reason why
II is that so many products that are ex-
tensively advertised, all at once drop out
Of sight and are soon forgotten? The
reason is PLAINTIFF article did not fulfill
the promises of the manufacturer. This
applies more particularly to a medicine.
a medicinal preparation that has real
curative value almost sells itself, as like
an endless chain system the remedy is
recommended by those who have been
benefited, to those who are in need Of it.
A prominent druggist says "Take for
example DIR. Kilmer's Swamp-Root, q
preparation / have sold for many years
and never hesitate to recommend, for in
almost every case it shows excellent re-
suits, as many of my customers testify.
No other kidney remedy has 50 large a
sale"
According to sworn statements and
verified testimony Of thousands who have
used the preparation, the success of DR..
kilmer's Swamp-Root is due to the fact,
80 many people claim, that it fulflls al
most every wish in overcoming kidney,
liver and bladder ailments; corrects uri-
nary troubles and neutralizes the uric
acid which causes rheumatism.
You may receive a sample bottle of
Swamp-Root by Parcels Post. Address
Dr. Kilper 3 Co, Binghamton, n, Y,
and enclose ten cents; also mention this
paper. Large and medium size bottles
for sale at all drug stores. Advertisement
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20

PEELED to observe club rules all year.
This would aid the owners in keep
ing the players in condition and in
forcing them to conduct themselves
as examples of young America"
should. The players would draw their
salary over the 12-months period and
would not need to obtain advances
after a winter which brought them
nothing from their trade.
There is food for thought in what
Hank says. There has been dissatis-
faction over the present contracts on
both sides.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Building Association Elects.

Shreveport, La.-Officers of the
Shreveport Mutual Building Associa-
ton have been reelected. Philip Lie
Der is president; Andrew Quehbes,
vice president; E. B. Rand, second
vice president. W. K. MCCARTHY and
B. G. Embrey, assistant secretary-treas-
urers; A. L. Tillotson, auditor, and R.
A. Grain, attorney and notary. Last
year 100000 we're loaned for the
construction of new homes. Total as
sets are listed at 100000.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Can Fix Gas Rates.

Baton Rouge, La.-Judge Brunot in
the district court Friday upheld the
right of the Louisiana public service
commission to fix gas rates for the
city of Shreveport in the case of the
Southwestern Gas Association VS.. the
Commission. Judge Brunot held that
the right to fix rates was specifically
delegated to the state public service
commission, where it was not given
to the city. And he said he failed to
find any such right in the charter Of
the city of Shreveport.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
pifferent lnternretatlona.

That all people do not have the
same slant Of humor is illustrated in
the following story:
One Of the wealthiest men in Youngs-
town recently said to a friend:
II had a funny dream last night"
"What was it all abOut?" the friend
encouraged.
II dreamed I got into little flivver
that climbed up a telephone pole,
turned a sOmersault on the wires, and
then slid down another pole"
''Well, that certainly was some
dream"
Eyes" the rich man exclaimed. Elm
agine me in a flivver."
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
REGULAR Sailing Schedule.

New Orleans, La.-Unless the South.
ern Pacific Company guarantees to
maintain regular schedule for it's
boats it will not have the Endorsement
of the New Orleans Association of
Commerce in its application to the in
terstate commerce commission to op-
crate a steamship line between New
Orleans and Philadelphia and Balti-
more. This decision was reached
Thursday.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Neutral.

A prisoner in court was asked the
usual question-"Guilty or not guilty?'
"Yes," responded the man at the
bar.
whats that?" asked the judge,
II was asked whether I was guilty
Or not guilty, and of course I ami OF
the two conditions could not well
escape both"
''But which are your"
"Oh, go on, judged What's the jury
for?"
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Mnt 4 neha+ahle poInt.

The Woman was calling on her next
door neighbOr, and while seated In the
living room the front doorbell gave
q sharp ring. AS it happened to be the
maids day out, the small daughter
OF the house answered the ring.
A penetrating voice reached us from
the open door: els your mother en-
gagedT'
Mary Ellen's shrin treble was a
mingling Of establishment and indig-
nation. "My mother engaged No,
ma'am; she's been married for years"
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Tract of Land Inspected.

Morgan City, LA special private
car bearing about twenty representa-
tive business men of the East investi
gated the Castell tract of land con-
sisting of 100000 acres situated just
south of Morgan City one day last
week. It is understood their object
was to judge the value of the lands
from an oil and gas standpoint, among
the visitors were several experts.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Railroad Board Elected.

Shreveport, Lat meeting Of the
stockholders of the Kansas City South
ern and Gulf Terminal Company held
at Shreveport, the old board of diree-
tors was reelected. Three Shreve-
port citizens are included in the list:
S. B. Hincks, ]. B. Ardis and J. D.
Wilkinson.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
NUMBER DIAMOND STARS

Identification of football play
ers by numbers having been ac-
complished after much COM
planning by coaches that their
strategic plans would be ruined,
it is now proposed that numer-
ais be fastened on baseball play
ers. The Midwest Baseball as
ISOLATION, of Chicago, a circuit
comprised of several strong
semi-professional teams, at it's
annual meeting decided that
players in league games this
summer must wear numerals on
their sleeves corresponding to
score card numbers.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
rhlrteen House, pestroyed.

Natchitoches, LA storm struck
Hyams, six miles above Natchitoches,
last Wednesday, destroying thirteen
tenant houses, wrecking eight others
and the Texas & Pacific freight depot.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
SeIf-SupportInu.

An attorney for Los Angeles adver-
tised for a chauffeur. Some twenty
odd responded and were being ques-
toned as to qualifications, efficiency
and whether married or single. Final
ly, turning to negro chap, he said:
"How about you, George; are you
married I"
'Naw-sir, boss, naw-sie. All makes
nah own in'."-From Judge.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
INTERESTING
SPORT NOTES

41s - A1LDyS SOEuSAA AuAlSLS 40 q
sophomore who is showing class.
United States Lawn Tennis Referees
association has over 600 members.
Pat Collins, who developed into a
worthy running mate to Hank Sc
vereid last year, is going big.
Gilbert Ely, center on the University
of Michigan's basketball team, has
been elected captain of the 1922 squad.
Jimmy Britt Of San Francisco, once
a leading contender for the lightweight
championship is coaching Stanford
university boxers.
Governor Edwards of New Jersey
has signed the Evan bill, limiting the
maximum price for a seat at a boxing
exhibition to SIS.
Denmark is the latest country to
challenge for the Davis cup, it is an
nounced by the United States Lawn
Tennis association.
William A. Collins is a fleet dash
man at Yale. Recently in the New
York A. G. games he eliminated the
eastern club sprinters.
-
George (Yatz) COrrigan, one Of the
greatest all around athletes ever
turned out in st. Louis, though he
weighs less than $50 pounds, has been
signed by the Little Rock club for a
trial.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
YOU CANNOT AFFORD

To let your little hurts and all
ments get bad.
Keep Vacher-Balm handy for Burns,
Boils, Cuts, COrns, Piles, or Soreness
anywhere.
Ask your druggist. Avoid limitations
advertisement.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Emit Cars of cahhane.

Morgan City, LATHE eighth car of
cabbage has been shipped out of Nor
gan City this season by the Morgan
City Truck Growers Association. 1t
is understood that satisfactory prices
have been received for previous ship
ments, and the farmers are preparing
to enlarge their efforts in the truck
growing line in this vicinity.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
cutleura comforts Bsbvs sklr

Cutleura Comforts babys Skin
When red, rough and itching, by hot
baths Of Cuticura Soap and touches Of
Cuticura Ointment Also make use
now and then Of that exquisltely scented
dusting powder, Cuticura Talcum, one
Of the indispensable Cuticura Toilet
Trio.-Advertisenlent.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
HOW TWO WOMEN
ESCAPED operations
Doctor Advised Use Of Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound
EIappY Results IN Both Cases

St.JOseph, Missouri. both of my
sides sweiled and hurt me so that /
could not move or do any of my work.
There was heavy pressure and pains
through my lower organs and the
doctoAtold me to try Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound for these
troubles. He said l had this one
chance, and if the Vegetable Com
pound did not help me nothing but an
operation would. After taking several
bottles / felt it was helping me and
now am able to do my own work. If
my testimonial will help others / shall
be glad for them to read it and hope
your Vegetable Compound will do
them as much good as it did me" -
Mrs. VIM. LoCKMARI, Glib N. 4th St.,
st. Joseph, Mo.
White Plains, N. Y.-'1 had such q
pain that could hardly walk and the
doctor said that needed an opera
ton. / was sick for a year before I
started taking your medicine and /
couldnot work. saw your advertise
ment in little book and that is how
/ came to take Lydia E. Pinkham's
medicines. / have been taking the
Vegetable Compound and Lydia E.
Lydia e. Pinkham's Priv
Peculiar to Women" will be Sc
to the Lydia e. Pinkham MED
This book contains valuable I'M
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Banks in Good Shape.

Morgan City, lathe three banks
Of Morgan City in their recent state
ments show splendid conditions exist
ing with about one million and half
dollars resources and with practically
no bills payable.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Fire Causes 100000 Loss.

New Orleans, Lathe four-story
brick building at Canal and st. Pc
ter's streets, occupied by the Menge
Marine Hardware and Supply Com
pany, was damaged by fire of undeter-
mined origin Friday to the extent of
approximately 100000.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
cotton and Grain Exhlblt.

Baton Rouge, La-Students at the
Louisiana State University were re-
Gently shown the different grades of
grain and staples of cotton by G.. S.
Meloy, investigator in cotton market
ing, and K. B. Sneeds, specialist in
grain marketing, at joint cotton and
grain exhibit.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20
Enolneers to Keen BAYOU Clean.

Franklin, Achievement engi-
neers plan to keep Bayou Teche from
hyacinth invasions this spring and
summer and have arranged to estab-
lish a movable boom in charge of an
operator whose duty it will be to see
that no craft or raft enters the bayou
with water lilies.
Vernon Parish Democrat. (Leesville, La.) 1917-193?, 1922-04-20

Pinkham's Blood Medicine, also
Lydia E. Pinkham's Liver Pills and
used Lydia E. Pinkham's Sanativ0
Wash and the capsules and prescrip-
ton recommended. am doing all my
work and have gained twenty pounds.
/ am taking the medicines still, but I
feel fine. You have my permission to
use this letterfo the good of others. "
Mrs. MARYMARK, 81 Hamilt 0nAves,
White Plains, N. Y.
Some female troubles may through
neglect reach a stage when an opera
ton is necessary. But most of the
commoner ailments are not the sur
gical ones; they are not caused by
serious displacements, tumors, OF
growths, although the symptoms
may appear the same.
When disturb ing ailments first ap-
pear, take Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound to relieve the pres
ent distress and prevent more seri-
GUS troubles. Many letters have been
received from women who have been
restored to health by Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound after op.
erations have been advised by attend
ing physicians.
10 Textbook upon ssAiImentg
! you free upon request. Write
cine Co.. Lynn Massachusetts,