davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Sure Iron Sinks.
| JovIAL individual saw an an

A JovIAL individual saw an an
"A nouncement in an ironmon-
gers window the other day. It
read, Iron sinks" and he went
in and told the man that he knew
iron sank.
"Yes," said the smart shop-
keeper, "and time flies, but wine
vaults, grass slopes and music
stands; Niagara Falls, moonlight
walks, sheep run. Kant hops and
holiday tripsj scandal spreads,
inG.a-rubbsr ttres the organ
stops; the whole world goes
round and trade returns"
The jovisl one bolted.
Then he returned, put his head
In at the door, and remarked:
"Yes, l know and marble
bustsl"
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
A Few Good Ones
Whistle n

THE thick<kinnsd young msn
was determined 10 have Il
out with the girls pseplA
'1Ast week." hs said, "yeu
ASirsd me TO so1ss round afssx
dlnnsr. Do ysa s.Il DAT Asspt-
tabist"
The girl smiled.
"Tt was fathers silly idsa,"
she explained He would have
II that whsnsvsr you arrived be-
fore dinner you we're after din
nsr. % that II you came after
dinner you wouldn't Be for It."
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Famous American Fallicies

HAT .~ry r.t. b. sailing bananas playing
organ
That persons outspoksn nses~.rny Of an
honest dispodton-
That who carries his tight about
sxpsnsss.
Th.. John Rockstsnsr . e.n.s fun u under his
house
That Mszcans s,s. large brass rings In
thslr
That every young lady takes swimming she
pretty bathing suit
That no circus peanut less aa seven
years Of aga
Ths. comedian tn. laughs By putting stuff he has
Eot up himself
point
That clerk always holds back the best until
ths iaN.
That always better than those served
anywhere else
That heshaw n you ts heavy rock to his tan
beforehand.
That no night watchman suffers al from
insomnia
That country postmaster reads postal card he Ests
hold Of.
his hat of until he 70 bed
That every his funny Quips Of medicine
simanacs.
That there wrong In who loves doss and
horssa.
man pauds hs summer aOas IN ts city Is tebs
padsd.
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Where There's . Will,

IsDEFoRE I married." said the
- middls-aged man, "T was
terribly sxtrs1agant ] went to
thsstsss and dances, smoked
cigars and drank shanpagns.
But now-wsIl, I live . qaist life
at home, smoke shag and drink
water"
"Wh.t . STRONG wiIl d must
need 10 change IKE that," said
ths young bsshslss.
"shs hss . vssy strsas Will"
psplled the married man.
n-.s. ,a.a -
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Wise Dog.

JOHNSON patted Jackson's dog
on the head.
"A nice little dog" he said.
But why don't you teach II some
tricnf"
Jackson was q man who lacked
snsryy.
Tve tried" he replied. but
ths dog won't learn"
Mot mueh intslligsncsf :"
eusrisd johnson.
Tee muchr answered Jack
son. u can zee By the sxprss-
sion on his fscs that the dog
dossnt sss sny more sense in the
txici1 than I de-
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Heard Along
Broadway
Careless Nurse.

Careless Nurse.
ACTRESS Mother (languidly)
n-well, nurs4 how Il baby
to-dsy7
Nurss-Hs cut two testh this
morning.
Mother (stfn more languidly)
That was carslsss Of you,
nursel You ought not 70 Let .
young baby play with . knife"
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Her Reason.

UENRY had . reason for feel
IL Ing out Of sorts
But, dearest, didn't I ask you
to keep our engagement . secret
for the present."
Dearest" had . reason for
pouting. But Henry dear. l
really couldn't help It. That
hateful Ella said the reason l
wasn't married was because no
fool had proposed to me, and 30
I told her you had"
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Fooling tho Barber.

MIR. BLANK Il fond Of relating
AVA how hs scored of . barber
who wished TO make . sale. The
man had Just shaved him, and
wanted 10 sen him . lotion 10 use
On his faos when hs shaved him
self.
els Inst whss you uss On your
sustoms1f" ssksd Blank.
NO." replied the barber, IT'S
% expsnsive I cannot s6erd T."
"H you can't snoed h when
you get rs osuts for shsvinS o
man." returned Blank. now do
you sxpsot me- 10 s,erd n Wien!
J thsvs nayssif fer nothinsr
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
A Substitute.

A YOUNG man, who had heard
A that radium was going to cure
the world Of al tn Ills, entered
. chemists shop and asksd,
How muah h rsdium an
suncs1"
The chemist smiled and named
. figure which made the young
man blink.
Really" observed the Gus
toner. Then give me an ounce
Of cough lozenges.
The Washington times., 1922-08-06

capsaisAa,lasS-hs Star O.
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
Punctuality.

THE lack Of punctuality upon .
certain railway has given rise
TO many amusing stories-
Il 10 said that once when q
man found . train starting at the
correct time he complimsntsd
ths guard.
"Rieht 10 Q tick" he said.
you've got . bad name, but its
. case Of . certain gentleman
never being % black - he's
painted"
The guard merely gsvs . Een-
Do smile.
This train, sir," he said, WITH
cut . trace Of embarrassment, els
not to-dsy's train. II Il yester-
days"
The Washington times., 1922-08-06
From Here
and There
Poor Fellow.
A wELL-KNowN conductor
- was condemninx q musical

" was condemning . musical
critic.
when read his criticisms"
said he, "it makes me think Of Q
young woman for whom once
played The Moonlight Sonata
on the piano.
"T Ike that she said whom
I had finished. It's new, isn't
#?
Why I said, IT'S Beethoven.
Surely you knew Beethoven was
deadp
No. said the young woman.
7 didn't even know he was m"
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

visiting at W. S. Brooks has re-
turned to her home in Springfield,
Mass.
Annual meeting of the Ladies'
Missionary society will be held at
the School House Hell Tuesday
afternoon.
Sherburn Moore is visiting his
granddaughter, Mrs. Herbert Stan
ley in Plymouth, N. II.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Elder and
family of Beebe Plain called on
friends here last week.
Emery Lakeham of Danvers,
Mass, who has been visiting Mrs.
Emma Briggs has returned home.
The friends of Mrs. Ada Whit
ney will regret to know that she is
in a serious condition. Miss Ro-
bina Laughlin is caring for her.
Frank French of st. Johnsbuly
spent Sunday at w. S. Brooks.
Mrs. L. L. Spafford Of the Old
Homestead is serving excellent
Sunday dinners these days Sun
day, Sept. oath she had % guests
for dinner. Oct. 2 she had IS
guests.
Mr.. and Mrs. T. P. ROBBIE were
recent visitors in st, Johnsbury.
Ned Somers has moved his
family into Mrs. Rose Ganett's
house.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

mother are on trip to Boston.
Mrs. Ella Mason mas returned
from a visit with friends and rel
atives in Boston.
Mrs. Kate Kinney is on a case
in East Barnet.
Mrs. Edward Rollins and grand
daughter who have been visiting
Mrs. Galley here returned to their
home in CRANKY, Conn.
Cleveland Austin has moved his
family into the Amell house re-
Gently purchased for a home.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. N. Gilfllan
have returned from a trip to Glen
Falls, N. J, where they went to
carry home their daughter, Mrs.
Aldace Dawson and two children.
Mrs. Sarah Byron of East Rye
gate was recent visitor at Fred
Quimby's.
Mrs. Albert Flanders who has
been visiting w. S. Johnson and
friends in Monroe, N. H., has re
turned to her home in Springfield,
Vt.
Mrs. Lyman Brock who has been
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
Barnet

Mrs. Anna Sargent and friend
Mrs. Chapman of Littleton, N. H
were recent visitors at Fred Quinn
by's.
Mrs. William Dawson, who has
been visiting at N. N. Gilfllan's,
has returned to her home in Bos-
ton.
Next Sunday morning there will
be no usual church service. Mr..
Gregg will be away on his vaca-
ton. The Christian Endeavor
will hold q service in the evening.
There will be reception for
the teachers Of the town Wednes-
day evening at the Odd Fellows
Hall under the auspices Of the w,
C. T. L.
Dr.. H. A. Eliot, son, Howard
and daughter, Virginia, and Mrs.
Julia Abbott of Rumney, went by
auto to Philadelphia last week,
then carried Loren Eliot, who
has been visiting his home here
as far as Asbu1y Park, New Jer-
sey on his way to Pittsburg, Pa.
Minnie Welch went to East
Ryegate to remain for a while
with Mrs. Olvil Wood, Saturday
last.
Mrs. r. r. Chase attended the
state missionary meeting in St,
Johnsbuly last week.
A good many of the village
people attended the chicken pie
supper and dinner at East Bar
net, Friday,
The business and social meet
ing Of the Ladies' Society was
held at the home of Edith Wal
lace last Friday afternoon. The
ladies spent their time sewing on
aprons for the sale that will take
place later in the fall. Refresh
ments Of ice cream and cake were
served.
Mrs. Ada Parker of Concord
was a recent visitor at Ira Albee's.
Miss Webster who has been
visiting at the parsonage returned
to her home in Manchester, N. H.
Saturday.
Miss Belle Morgan and daugh-
ter, Barbara spent day in st.
Johnsbury recently.
Dr. r. H. Hazelton and daugh-
ter, Edith were in Lebanon, N.
H. Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. L. e. Gilfllan
visited friends in Newark last
week.
Sammy Baker of Woodsville, N.
H., is spending a week with his
grandparents, while his father and
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
turned to their home in Bradford
Monday.

turned to their home in Bradford
Monday.
Ed Newell and 4amily are oc-
cupying the Bonnette house.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Champany
and daughter. Azilda of Bradford
and Miss Delphine Amell Of St.
Johnsbury spent Sunday with
their parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Oliver
Amell
". ]. McGill spent Monday in
ST. Johnsbury.
Mr.. and Mrs. Guy Pettingill and
children of Danville spent Sunday
with Mr. and Mrs. James Hatch.
The chicken pie dinner and sup
per at the chapel Friday was a
success, both socially and financi-
ally.
Mrs. C. w. Tilton spent Thurs
day in St. Johnsbury with Mrs.
julia Miller.
Charles Wilson of New York is
spending a few days in town with
friends.
Miss Mavourine Cilley spent the
week end at her home in North
Danville.
Miss Leona Capron spent We'd
nesday in st. Johnsbury.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
Company ID Votes to
Run Basket Ball

Continued from Page One
as printed in the CaledOnian-Re-
cord, members Of Company d de-
3 cided that $500 was none too much
a sum with which to begin the
! winter basketball season. Con-
I scquently the company voted to
top the subscription list with $50
with which to start the ball roll
ing.
Sergeant E. J. Lyndes, who was
appointed chairman of the sub
scription committee said this
: morning that he would at once
get into communication with
! Charles "Chick" Burch and offer
him the combined position of
coach and manager of the 1929
basketball team.
Solicitors have been appointed
to canvass St. Johnsbury house
to house and to receive the sub
scriptions. The names of all those
who contribute will be published in
. the Caledonian- Record. A business
s. man Will NC tIlOSCIl " az III VIC
i capacity of treasurer until the sub
scliptions are turned over to the
manager.
Company DIS drive for subscrip-
tons is based upon the assump-
ton that the services of "Chick"
Burch both as manager and coach
can be obtained. The many admir-
ers of Burch remember the fine re-
cord which the American Legion
Company d team made last winter
under his guidance.
According to the letter that
. "Chick" wrote Albert Goslant, it
was very evident that he would
look with favor upon a position
here in st. Johnsbury.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
The Park Ave News

Weather. All rite.
Spoarts. Last Wednesday aftlr-
noon Miss Kitty left sick in. the
middle of her gcogriffy lessin and
had to go home, the class feeling
very sorry but injoying the half a
day vacation very mulch.
Sissiety. Mr.. Charles (Puds)
Simkins was inavoidably detained
last Sattiday evening by his moth
Ell having to fix his pants on ac-
count of him tearing them on a
male when he climbed over the
back tents for suppir.
Poem by Skinny Martin,
Elmer's Long and Eddy's Short
know a boy named e mer Short
And one named Eddy Long,
Wich the saddest part about is,
Their sizes are both rong.
Exter. Mysterious Disappearance
A empty spool Of cotton mister
iously disappeared in Sam Crosses
house last Sundey and everybody
thawt Sans baby sister Udeen
swallowed it, but after they had
shocks her and deterrent thing
about 10 minnits Sam SUDDENLY
found out it was in his rockit ware
heb ad stuck it, the result beino
he wasent allowed out the rest Of
the day.
Intristing Facks About Intrist-
ing People. Persey Viewer sews
his own buttins back when they
come eff. O prooens pass the pick
els,
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

the papers and said You have taken
everything you can think of, now l
want you to take Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound So let him
get it, and | soon felt better and he
told me 4 want you to take about six
bottles So | did and | keep house
and do all my own work and work out
by the day and feel fine now. l tell
every one about the Vegetable Com
pound, for so many of my friends
thought wouldnot get well. Mrs.
r. J. LINTON, 1850 West 33d Avenue,
Denver, Colorado.
Afterreadingletters like the above,
and we are constantly publishing
them, why should any woman hesitate
to take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound if she is in need of
help? 1t brings relief where other
medicines fail.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
SUNNY SQUIBLETS

The Greek throne is said to be
shaking, and evidently it needs to
tshave the village handy man come
sin and glue up its hind legs again.
II Many husbands will breathe
y1more freely when they get their
sswives safely past the millinery
Openings.
@ep
= Many people who never before
esfelt the Slightest interest in navi-
tgation, are now deeply concerned
Aabout the three mile limit.
= Now that dirt farmers are get
ting put on public boards, it IS
time to have the women represent
wed by dishpan housewives.
= The politicians may have buried
sthe hatchet, but they have their
Tknives where they can reach them.
Used to be said that dancing was
,the poetry Of motion, but if so it
must be free verse.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
Cut This Quilt Is Worth
Money

Cut out this slip, enclose with
sc and mail it to Foley & Co.,
1886 Sheffield Ave, Chicago, ILL.,,
writing your name and address
clearly. You will receive in return
a trial package containing Foley's
Honey and Tar Compound for
coughs, colds and Group; Foley
Kidney Pills for pains in sides and
back; rheumatism, backache, kid
ney and bladder ailments; and
Foley Cathartic Tablets, a whole
some and thoroughly cleansing
catartic for constipation, bilious
ness, headache, and sluggish bow
cls.-Advertisement.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
NEWPORT LOCALS

Mrs. s. +. Kidder, who has
been for some time with her
daughter, Mrs. p j. Moore has
returned to her home in Burling-
ton.
Homer Shower is to move from
one of the White tenements on
Main street to the Gaines tene-
ment just vacated by Rex Thorn
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
Stops Itching
PetersOn'S Ointment

To the millions of grateful suf-
feres who know about the mighty
healing power of Peterson's Oint-
ment for old sores, ulcers, piles,
sore feet and chatting Peterson
says, "use it for skin and scalp
itch; it never disappoints," All
druggists, 35c, soc, $1.00, $3.50,
$5.00.-Advertisement.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
THURSDAY, OCT. S, 1922
VERMONT AT A GLANCE

Burlington-George VI. Delaney
former proprietor of Hotel Bur
lington and one of the best known
hotel men in Vermont, died at his
home in Burlington Monday, aged
, 80 years.
. Montpelier-The Washington
County Farmers Cooperative eX-
change has filed articles Of asso-
sciation, with capital stock Of $10,-
sNNN
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
East Barnet

Francis Benjamin and FANNY
who have been spending their va
cation here were called home to
Salem, Mass, by the death of his
mother, Mrs. Ida Bonnette. Mrs.
Durgin and daughter, Helen, re"
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

lpound for seven
years and l cannot
tell you the good
it has done me. 1t
is good for young
and old and | al
ways keepa bottle
of it in the house,
for l am at that
time of life when
it calls for Lydia
f.. Pink h am s
help. My husband
cow, un,1r o1 IN
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

PASSUMPSIC LODGE. NO. 27,
Regular Communication, Thurs
.day evening, October 5, at 7.30
for dispatch of business.
Also work F. C. degree. Visit
ing brethren welcome.
Renwick H. Cutting, w. NJ.
Fred II. Dolloff, Secretary.
HASWELL CHAPTER, NO. II,
r. A. M.
Stated Convocation Friday, Oct.
13th, 1922, 7.30 P. NJ Business.
z. s. Waterman, +. H. P.
Il. A. Pearl, Secretary.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
AIL|NG WOMEN
or MIDDLE AGE
Mrs. Linton Tells How Helpful
Lydia E.Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound is at This Period
lIIIIllIlIlIIIllIlIllII

Denver. Colorado. q have taken
lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

8 If you see an editor who pleases
Everybody, observes the Benning-
ton Banner, there will be glass
.iplate over his face and he will not
he standing up.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05

The She1brooke Record is au-
shortly for the statement that a
Boundary line is a natural growth
mot mark on a map.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1922-10-05
BACK TAI x

: The Burlington News says that
the man who makes his brags that
he took cold baths all last winter
NAV have to do it this winter, too.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1922-08-02
LAURENS TAKES TWO
FROM ELECTRICIANS
Wins First Game 8 to / and Second
Game 8 to 6. Three Games Here
Latter Part OF Week.

AS predicted by the sportswriter Of
the Greenwood Index journal the
worm has turned" and Laurens, with
a fast aggregation Of ball players but
tendency to lose, has begun to rise
After suffering mild defeat by An
derson Thursday, malsing four straight
for the week, and being saved Friday
by happy shower Of rain, she invad-
cd the camps OF the Electricians at An
derson Monday and Tuesday of this
week and walked away with two games
straight.
In the Monday game Moseley pitched
air-tight ball, letting the Anderson
crowd down with four hits, winning
the game to 1. While details OF yes
terday's game were lacking when this
paper went to press, it was learned
automatically that the score was s to
6 in qaurens' favor, but the hurler
could not be learned. 1t was thought
that "Old Man" Bobo had broken his
streak Of hard luck and pitched the
locals to a victory.
Greenwood comes to Laurens We'd
nesday, Thursday and Friday of this
week for a three day session. With
two fresh games in the winning side
Of the bag, the locals will no doubt go
out to re-arrange the percentage col
umn SO that Laurens will soon be
higher UP. Thursday has been desg-
mated as Ladies' DAY by the local man
agement and big day is expected as
the ladies will be allowed to come in
the gates without putting down" the
|coin.
In all probability { Elton Owings
will pitch the opening game, Moseley
the second and Bobo the third.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1922-08-02

15, and 2.2 and Missouri, g. and or.
The estimate OF acreage of the crop
reporting board issued July 3, which
was 34,852,000 acres related to cotton
in cultivation on June 25 after prac-
tically all OF the Indicated abandon
ment had taken place, the departments
statement said.
Replies from commissioners Of agri-
culture came from seven states. Flor
lda's commission reported abandon
ment mot appreclable", Alabama 'less
than one per cent?; Mississippi, "no
statitsics";; Louisiana, very llttle";
Texas, "a per cent; Arkansas, mot
over 0,2 per cent" and Tennessee,
about Is per cent"
The portion OF acreage in South
Carolina now infested by the boil wee
Wild estimated at 90 per cent by coun-
ty agents at 91.4 per cent BY cotton
reporters and at 100 per cent by the
bureaus reporters.
a The per cent of damage to The cotton
crop in South Carolina caused by the
boil weevil is estimated at s21 per cent
by the county agents, 3O.7 per cent by
the cotton reporters and 10 per cent
by the bureaus agents, | 4 s3
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1922-08-02
PROSPERITY MAN
TAKES OWN LIFE
j. w. Harman Cuts Throat With Razor.
Found Dead by Brother,

Prosperity, July %. w. Har-
man, we'll known Prosperity citizen,
committed suiside last night, cutting
his throat with a razor. Mr., Harman
was found, dressed in night clothes,
lying in his yard near the garage at
about 1880 by his brother GID. Har-
man. He was already dead from the
loss Of blood. s,5,E s.
Mr.. Harman had been comp plaining
recently Of feeling unwells%b but his
family saw no signs OF serious i'll
health. Melancholla induced by his
illness, is supposed to have led him
70 take his own life. .58
lHe was about so years OF age and is
survived by his aged mother, Mrs.
Harriet Harman, his brothers, DR.. G..
ID. Harman of Prosperity and J. Fred
Harman of Newberry and four sisters,
Mrs. j, Ben Blalock, Mrs. c. s. Schum-
pert and Miss Madge Harman Of Pros
pefity and Mrs. w. G. Adams OF Green-
VILE.
Funeral services were held this az
ternoon at o o'clock at the Prosperity
cemetery.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1922-08-02
1t Came!

I The big cantaloupe that Rural Po-
liceman Owens said that w. r. Cald-
well asid he was saving for the Garden
Editor Of The Advertiser. 1t arrived
Thursday morning and was whopper.
BY actual measurement it was 40
inches around in one way, 80 inches
In another and lacked two ounces of
weighing 10 pounds. The Garden Edi-
tor was treated again Saturday when
Mr.. gI. B. Jennings brought in another
large. cantaloupe weighing 1919
pounds and Of delicious sweetness.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1922-08-02
MILLS VS. WATTS SATURDAY

Two Leaders Of Carolina Textile
League Play Crucial Come Here
Saturday Afternoon.
Saturday afternoon at 4 o'clock Mills
Nil, leading the Carolina Textile
League, will go up against the locals
Of Watts Mills on the Watts Mills
ground in what will be the crucial
game of the season. Watts is trailing
the mill leaders by only one game and
IL they succeed in downing the Green
vile aggregation Saturday they will
be in position to cop the next game
and win the pennant for the season.
The Watts Mills players are putting
In heavy practice each afternoon and
expect to enter the game Saturday
with everything in winning condi-
tion. 1t is thought that Lefty Sur
ratt" former Greenville hurler will
be on the mound for them while Mills
is expected to put up the best hurler
1t has In stock.
The Watts Mills oand will furnish
music and big crowd Is expected out
to support the home club.