The Monroe journal., 1922-02-07
THE COOK HAD NO SUCH
INSTRUMENT IN KITCHEN
He Couldn't Possibly Furnish the
Stranger the Kind of Eggs
He Had Ordered

Two travelling men sat at breakfas
in the dining room of South Carroll
ma mill town. To them came a polit'
negro, soliciting their orders.
Said the first:
Bring me grapefruit, coffee witt
hot milk, corn mullins, bacon anC
eggs"
"Yassuh, | got you," continued ths
waiter He addressed the second pa
tr0n:
whats yourn goin' be, Cap'n?"
"I'll take the same as my friend
here, except that the eggs should be
eliminated"
At the sound of that last, mysteri-
Gus word the darky stifened.
"Seuse me. suh-how'd you say you
wanted 'em aigs?" he asked.
The white man caught the point
He was by way Of being something OF
a practical joker, anyhow. He raised
his voice slightly for added emphasis;
Il said | wanted them eliminated.
The waiter blinked hard but recov-
cred gallantly.
"Yas, suh," he said, and departed
straightway for the kitchen. Almost
Immediately there floated in through
the swinging doors. which separated
kitchen from dining room, a medley
Of sounds betokening a violent debate
between two persons of African an
tecendents. And then on the heels of
this the waiter reappeared, perspiring
freely, and returned to where the
two white men sat.
"Cap'n," he said, wouldn't you des
ez soon have yore aigs fried? Or may
be scrambled? We also make a
monty tasty om'let yere. Folks witch
tries our om'lets speaks mos highly
Of 'em, or | mout-"
"Say, boy" he demanded, whats
the matter with you? / gave you my
order once-told you ! wanted my
eggs eliminated. Now, I'm on a diet.
Under the doc .or's orders | must al
ways have my eggs eliminated. And
I'm going to have them that way here
or else some nigger's going to be
looking for job. I'll complain to the
management"
"Tain't my fault, suh," pleaded the
waiter, "hi,s de cook. | tells him jes
ez plain, | sez, 'liminate a couple Of
fresh aigs fur a Naw'the'n genelman
| says, an he starts argufyin'. An
he tell me to come on back yere an
suggest to YOU"
"Never mind that" snapped the
humorist, now seemingly in a highly
indignant state. "You go tell that
cook that | want him to fill my order
according to institutions or there'l
be trouble"
Once more the waiter sped away
Half a minute later he came through
the swinging doors. With him was a
large, plump, coal black person in q
greasy apron, and with a look OF
grave concern upon his face.
"Whar de gen'elman?" asked the
newcomer.
"Thar he set" said the waiter
pointing.
The cook presented himself at the
table where the travelling men sat and
bowed low.
"Boss," he said, "I'sc dc cook yere
an strives to please. But you'll
please sub, haf to 'scuse me regardin
yore desires dis mawnin' fur Iimina.
ted aigs-and dat's fact"
Don't you know how to eliminate
an egg?" demanded the joker. The
cook favored him with a winning
smile.
"Who me?-w'y to be suttin'ly, !
does. Any other time dem Eliminated
aigs'd be settin' right dar in front Of
you now, smokin' hot. But to tell
you de truth, boss, dey wuz a fighty
nigger gal come foolin' round de
kitchen yistidy witch she rightly did
MT hab no bizness to be dere neither;
an she drapped the 'liminator an
brug de handle off of it."