The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1922-08-03
ny NORRIS SCHULTZ

Smith and Jones we're government
clerks az Washington, but they were
NJ Jtl.nary clerks They were high
~ Ia the scale. Smith was la the
war Office and Jones had something
to DO with the Philippines.
Nov for some unfortunate over
sIght what happened was this smiths
department was conducting a neat IT.
tie warfare against a bandit tribe in .
the mountains. ignorant u the fact
that Jones department was subsldlz.
ing the same tribe for being good boys
and not interfering with their neigh
bOrs
In other words while Smith was'
backing Bandit Borrioboola.Gha with
arms and ammunition. % keep Bandit
Wanku- Bongbp 10 order. Jones was
backing Wauka Bongho 20 sit on Bor-
riobopla-Gha and keep the I'D down.
They discovered Il quite By accident
one night when talking over things
at their boarding house on Avenue W.
IL was NJ ordinary boarding house.
II was the best boarding hous. In the
world, because Mabel White lived
there Mabel was only n typlst. but
such kind girl! Everybody loved
her. Smith loved her to desperation.
and Jones loved her 90 distraction
There was also vulgar fellow. n
mere manufactures. living there be
caus" be- was a wl1pwer: hut. n he
was nifty. Il was e,.dcn, that Maheis
interest In him was purely sympathy.
what are We going 10 do about itY'
asked smith.
~Oh. do tell me-" said Mabel. who
was Interested IN things.
''why. there's M Internal trouble
started" said Smith. This idiot has
been supplying arms and ammunition
90 wanka -I,ongbo 20 raid his peaceful.
law-abidlns mel ghbor. Borrioboola.
Cha
"No,hlng ~ the sort - shouted Jones
Indignantly. That lunatic has been
supplying arms and ammunition 20
that cannlbai. Borrloboola Cha 20 raid
the territories ~ our ally. wanka-
Bongbo'-
"But how perfectly thrillingi" OK.
claimed Mabel. "Do tell me who you
think will win
"Borriohoola-Ghs. Of course" said
Smith haughtlly
"wanka- Bongbo. without doubt"
said Jones with Icy indifference.
Then you two boys are really at
war with each other" said Mabel soft
ly: and her glance was 80 full of
meaning that each " them realized
Instantly that the winner in the tribal
reud was the winner Of Mabels heart.
From that time on Smith and Jones
regarded each other as deadly enc
mics. They pored over each item OF
news from the Philippines that
reached their respective departments
OF course the government realized the
mistake Il had made. but there was
nothing to be done about II now.
Smiths heart leaped up one day
when he was able 20 tell Mabel, mi
Jones presence. that Borricbooln
Ghas outposts had brought In two
heads Of wanka-Bongbo's men.
That night Mabel looked unmlstak-
ably like smiths. but the very next
afternoon news arrived that wanka-
Bongbo's men had eaten three OF Bor-
rioboola .Gha's: and the look that Ma
bel cast at Jones when she heard the
glad tldngs. drove Smith TO despera-
tion.
Now Borrioboola-Gha's men would
capture two calves and u dozen eggs
from wanka- Bongbo's village. and
Smith would take Mabel TO the movies.
then Wanka- Bongbo's men would bring
back the noses and a couple OF eye
brows from Borrioboola-Gha's villages.
and Jones and Mabel would eat Ice
cream on the stoop together, while
smith CRASHED his teeth In his bed
room.
All the boarding house knew % the
feud and scanned the papers with alb
sorhlng interest 10 learn the latest
news from the Philippines. The only
exception was the manufactures. who
cast sour. dour glowers at everybody
from his motor car.
IL was i2-cyllnder roadster with
silver fittings. Mabel adored autcmo-
billing.
The evening came when Smith and
Jones met at the boarding house aud
ceased 70 frown at each other. Ter
rible things had happened.
TO think that traitor Borrioboola
Cha should have Joined your cannibal
and turned his arms ON the whites"
sighed Smith. Il wonder where
Mabel H."
Il can't understand that scoundrel
wanka Bongbo's joining your degraded
apesman against the whites" sighed
Jones Has anybody seen Miss
Mabelf'
"Oh. gentlemen. have you heard the
neWsf" asked little Miss ornerod
bursting into the room. Miss whites
eloped with Mr.. Phinney. and they
..4.... this aff.srnaan 80