Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-11-01
PERHAPS

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PERHAPS
I've kept an account of all my quar-
rels in this diary.
Sort o ia scrap book, as it were.
Teacher-Do you know that George
~ y ~ ~
Needed in Idaho
A Louisville man tells of an Incl
dent during the sessions held in his
city of Sunday school convention,
with delegates from all the states.
In answer to the roll call of the
states, reports were verbally given by
the various state chairmen. When
Texas was called, big man stepped
into the aisle, and in stentorian tones
proclaimed:
eve represent the imperial state of
Texas. The first white woman born
in Texas is still living-she has now
a population of over three million"
Whereupon voice from the gallery
cried out in clarion tones: "Send that
woman to ldaho-we need her."
y X X
Beat Him to 1t
veterinary surgeon was instruct
ing farmer as to suitable method
for administering medicine to horse.
Simply place this powder in a gas
pipe about two feet long, put one end
of the pipe well back in the horses
mouth and blow the powder down his
throat"
Shortly after the farmer came run
ming into the veterinary's office in
very distressed condition.
whats the matter?" asked the vet
Urinary.
"I'm dying!" cried the farmer. "The
horse blew firstl"
The Only Regret
Minister-"My dear boy what would
your father say about your fishing on
Young Isaac WaltonA"Well, the
last time e sand, Where the ellis your
fish,"
Why Prolong the Agony
do you think l shall live until I'm
ninety, doctor 2"
How old are you now?"
''Forty."
'Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or
have you any vices of any kind ?"
No. | don't drink, / never gamble,
loathe smoking; in fact, l haven't
any vices"
''Well, good heavens, why do you
want to live another fifty years ?"
X X
Some Swain
| have a good job at the confection-
er's.
What do you do?
Milk chocolates.
X n
Even as You and
Mother-"Yo GU were long time on
the front porch with Mr.. Willing last
night, my child. What was going on IN
Daughter-"Didy you ever sit on the
front porch with father before you
him?"
Mother-"T suppose did"
Daughter-.Well, mother, it's the
same old world"
A Good Place for Him
A man "butted ni'' at a waiting line
before the railroad ticket window at
New York and the men who were in
a hurry glowered.
81 want a ticket for Boston," said
the man, and he put SOC under the
wicket.
you can't go to Boston for 50c,"
the ticket seller.
swell, them" asked the man, "where
can / go for 50c?"
And each o the Ia men in that wait
ing line told him where he could go.
Stick To gether
Whom do you love best, Willie
h.
father or mel"
then replied: "Dad!"
"Well, Willie" said his mother, 81
am surprised at you! felt sure you
loved me best"
Sorry" replied the young hopeful,
but we men must stick together!"
SHORT BOLTS
When you tell man something it
goes in one ear and out the other. IL
you tell woman something it goes in
both ears and out the mouth. She's
a straight girl who has no curves.
Don't laugh at the late clothes for wo-
men. There's really nothing to laugh
at. Mysteries women and hash.
The famous Chinese philosopher says:
ITS stiff neck that won't turn for a
short skirt" He who waits a minute
for woman becomes the man of the
hour. There's no fun in cemetery.
Give you wife her flowers now, and
often, they appreciate it. Some of the
fish caught last summer are now six
feet long. One good thing about
hootch-it never kills innocent bystand-
ers. Why not trade the Philippine is
lands for Ireland and raise our own
policemen? 1t takes sixty-four mus
cles of the face 40 make a frown and
only thirteen to make a smile. Why
work overtime?
The teacher wanted some plums in
order to give an object lesson to the
class, and calling one of the small
boys, she gave him ten cents and sent
him to the fruit stand down at the
corner.
Before you buy the plums, Willie
she cautioned, you had better pnich
one or two to makesure they are ripe.
Little Willie fitted away. Soon he
came back and smilingly put his hat
filed with plums on the teachers desk.
ooh, thank you, Willie" said the
teacher. did you pinch on cor two
as told you tot"
did I? pinched the whole bunch
and here's your ten cents"
{ ! : :
Ignorance Is Bliss.
A farmer bow had spent q sultry