The Oakes times. [volume] (Oakes, N.D.) 1906-current, 1922-01-26


kicked each others shins, scraped sore
corns, bumped noses, bit in the cAaehss
and had the best time yon ever leyd
Of, all for the unheardof pyiee Il u
cents. The guardians Of tn cash, the
love Of which is said to IN the root Of
all evil, were obliged to Install q new
adding machine to figure up the prof
its, and everybody was happy. D..
Other minds now began showing
signs Of human intelligence and some
one suggested that a carnival dance
be given next time. This came of
Tuesday evening Of the present week,
and it ID more than likely that several
hundred Of those in abundance will
never fully recover fromst eff ectsa ae
the entertainment. There's ~ Is
writing a description Of the affaif, be-
cause everybody was there and knows
all about it., We solemnly swear that
if the building had been made of rub
ber it would have had to stretch clear
to the union depot in order to allow
the crowd elbow room. Inasmuch as
the walls are of masonry and nom
'stretchable, the people themselves had
to absorb the lack Of space. We saw
John Olson and George Wilson the
next morning and both Of them were
fiat on the north side and the south
side was caved in. This describes the
condition Of practically everybody who
attended, but they will no doubt re-
turn to their normal shape in time for
the next hop. If they don't recover,
they'll come anyway and the ticket
takers job will be similar to that Of
Noah's secretary when checking the
animals 10 they passed into the ark.
As a result Of this near catastrophe"
it has finally soaked in that the hall
is too small. Either that or the peo-
pie are too large. Anyway the build
ing and the crowd did not constitute
what tailor would call a good fit. In
order to give an idea of just how
crowded that hall was it is only neces-
sary to state that after the lunch was
served several Of those standing near
est the door were simply forced out
side by the expansion. But fun!
There were people present who hadn't
laughed since Columbus came over
from Denmark, but they broke their
reserve and cracked the enamel en-
tireiy off their physiognomies Tuesday
night.
But the end is not yet, although it
is approaching. On Tuesday evening,
Feb. IA, it is planned to pull off q
Monte Carlo dance at the C. M. C.
hall. Now we don't know just what
Monte Carlo dance is, but it must be
a bear. We have it on the best au-
thority that fake money will be sold
to everybody who attends, $1,000 in
imitation currency to be exchanged
for 81 Of the real stuff. Every imag-
Unable game will be run, wide open,
including stud and draw poker, black
jack, craps, roulette, three card monte,
chuck-a-luck, keno, country store,
''real' old time bar and dance hall.
Criminals" will be taken before
kangaroo court and relieved by means
of fines of whatever little coin escapes
the clutches Of the grafters. MAYORS
"full" orchestra will furnish the music
for the sad affair if the members can
be kept in ignorance Of the, location Of
the bar. This dance should be go
get-'er if "One-Eyed ..Wottsing, the
Demon Law Enforcer," doesn't get
wise to what is going on
Start saving. up your money, folks,
because you're going to needit. Those
who go home late the following morn
ing feeling that they have not enjoyed
themselves will be turned over TO-
Geo. G. Peterson for final disposal and
the lodge will pay the bill.
5.s