The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1922-01-24
SATAN GIVES UP
HIS SCEPTER
His Satanic Majesty Thinks Delin-
quent Subscriber a Meaner
Devil Than He
publishers Auxiliary

nave icdTucQ VI COutoSC CudC LOOK
place recently in He'll. The object of
the contest, as stated by the Devil
himself, was to enable him to ascer-
tain who among his evil cohorts was
best fitted to occupy the next highest
office in the realm of He'll.
The contestants were given a term
of years in which to perform the
most diabolical deed each could de-
wise, obtain authenticated proof of
its actual performance and to pre-
sent all evidence at public meeting
held for that purpose. Under his
seal the Devil obligated himself to
reward the one winning the contest
by making that one his Deputy, give
him power to reign with absolute
authority during the DEVILS indispo-
sition or absence on vacation and to
present him with scepter second
only lin fearfulness to that of the
Devil himself.
At the appointed time the cohorts
of He'll assembled in solemn con-
clave and each one in the audience
was in breathless expectation to
learn what the Devil (who had an
nounced, previously that he was to
be the sole judge in the contest)
would consider the most diabolical
deed.
Armed with documentary evil
dence, in some instances filling to
overlooking a lawyers brief case,
each contestant assembled on the
platform and smile of self-satis-
faction overspread the countenance
of the one who, at the call of the
! Archdemon, walked to a position in
front of the Throne and recited his
evil valor and misdeeds.
Without going into the details of
what was most sordid recital of
murder, rapine, crooked dealing,
shame, depreciation, dishonor and
crime, it will suffice to tell of the
last to present himself for the COW
eted honor.
When the name of "Old, Trusted
Subscriber" was called by the Arch
demon a somewhat unfamiliar figure
stepped to the front of the stage,
and, saluting his Majesty, began his
recital. There was little about his
appearance to justify an onlooker in
supposing that he belonged in that
motley gang of evildoers, nor did he
carry much evidence of his wrongdo-
| ing. In fact, with the exception OF
a few letters and cards which he
held conspicuously one could not dis
Germ that he was candidate for the
honor offered by the Devil.
Given permission to speak, Old
Trusted Subscriber related that he
had subscribed for the local news
paper a number of years ago. "At
first" said he, II paid in advance
each year. Then I found out that
the Editor was a pleasant sort OF
and not disposed to press those who
were indebted to him; so l began tC
let my subscription lapse. Every
now and again there appeared q
notice in the paper to pay up, will
a mild threat that back account!
lawyer for collection. AS a sort o
sop l went to the office and paid To-
a year on my Indebtedness, but neve
paid up in full, not to mention pay
ing in advance. Then 1 made in
quiry and found that those who di
not scare at the threat to TAX
legal action were not mOlested o
troubled, so / decided | need not set
tie, either.
I'm the meantime, got all tn
personal mention and publicity
\ wanted. Whenever we gave a part
Y or had friends visiting at our nous
the Editor always published a not
of it. Whenever death came into tn
family, OF one of my children &C
married, l always wrote out Ion
account in which l praised myse
as being a representative citizen {
the community, and the Editor a
/ ways published it in full. Whenevt
| one of my boys or girls went off
school the Editor mentioned il
| when they got high marks or VIC
/ distinction the Editor printed an a
l count of it and l figured that / g
l twice the value of the subscriptiC
| price each year; but, year by year.
got further and further behind vii
! my payments.
Then / moved away from tow
but as l wanted to know of the
ings in my old town, and KNOWN
full we'll that the home paper wou
chronicle all of these things, as WE
as publish anything l might send
from my new home so that n
friends might hear from me withO
the trouble of writing to them, @
dered the paper sent to my new a
dress. The Editor fell for this il
position and even wrote out, witho
any suggestion from me, eulogis'
item about my value to the comm
nifty and the loss the communi
would feel at my going. But this d
not induce me to pay up befo
leaving.
81 was about to forget to tell tn