Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-03-15

Failing in his avowed purpose of
purchasing the entire French navy,
Mr.. Ford might try his luck on the
Swiss navy by way of consolation.
x X X X
The frost is on the pumpkin,
The corn is on the cob,
The bath is in the bathtub
The door is on the knob.
K X \ y
A local reformer wants the girls to
stop rolling their own, meaning cigar
cites 'neverthing He doesn't suggest,
however, who he thinks should roll EN-
Il X X X
A bandit after buying a pair of
shoe-la at a Seattle, Wash store,
says the Seattle Star, held up the
proprietor and took $275. That's
starting on shoe string.
Poultryman Geo. Fisher says the
correct use of "lie" and "lay" also
worries a farmer every time hen
cackles.
A Pennsylvania man advertised a
liberal reward for bunch of keys he
had lost. That night the finder of the
keys entered the mans office, unlock
ing litC uOOI W lIlc OfitCC anu Ills SdlC
with the keys, and took 1884. Burg
lars, as well as chicken thieves, read
advertisements.
We noticed a headline the other
day reading: "Takes Dog and Flees
There was an awful good chance for a
typographical error
X X x
Astronomers have discovered that
the moon is travelling faster than for
X X X X
Hell is where you go when you die,
provided you enjoyedyourself on earth
An irate reader of this great uplift
colyum presents us with a little toy
bull. Thank, friend, Wen make it
our official mascot.
merly. Fordman Baptie says she has
to in order to keep up with this hust-
ling old earth, since Ford got going.
Barber Shop why's"
Why does a haircut always cost the
have?
Why does barber always ask you
if you shave yourself?
Why is no barber ever satisfied with
the weather?
Why does no barber ever have a
good word for the last fellow who cut
your hair?
Why does barber always try to
persuade you to buy out the shop,
when all you want is a shave?
Why does a barber, when drying
your face, always over look that little
corner of your ear?
Why does you nose always begin
to tickle just as soon as your hands
are tucked under the covering?
Why is the foot rest on the shine
stand always too small for your feet :?
Why does the shine boy always have
vigorous argument with the other
shine boy right in the middle of pol
ishing you shoes
AND
Why is the best looking manicure
girl always working down at the other
end of the room &c S. X. in Life.
Ford Dealer Baptie says years ago
the test of skill was the ability to
remove an appendix, now the test is
to adjust carbureator
X X X
Another reason why chicken cross
es the street is because she sees chap
over there who may buy her a Coco
Cola.
y y -
At any rate, modern skirts make
for freedom of the high sees.
X X n X
You can press divorce suit but you
can seldom clean it.
1t is just as Billy Sunday says
Money is often spent for rosewood
caskets that should have been spent
for house servants.
"Why is wife called her husbands
better half?" asks a correspondent
Because-why er-because that is just
what she is.
A Chicago man stole payroll and
was sent to the penitentiary. And the
governor gave him parole and he got
out.
A Boston professor says sit is a
girls right to be alluring." Most OF
them seem to regard it as duty.
If Mr.. Ford makes his tin machines
much lighter, we can just put wings
on them and away we will GO,
y K Y X
About all that Senator Tom Watson
has succeeded in proving is that some
officers were unpopular in France.
No; we never did find out what be.
came of the war between the Greeks
and the Turks.
~ y x. X.
Baseball is our national game, and
Judge Lands seems to be our national
game warden.
Why drink bootlegger liquor? A
pistol is ever so much cheaper, and
quicker.
A nickel no longer has to be chape.
roned by 3 penny at the soft drink
stand.
"a telephone pole never hits an au.
tomobile in self-defense," paragraphs
the Toledo Blade. Possibly not, but
considering the erratic tendencies Of
some of the drivers you manage te
avoid, could you blame them if they
did?
There is always one thing that has
to wait for a woman. You guessed
it right the first time. It's her hus.
band.
n K 4 X
Anton Olson says many folks like
to poke fun at the man with a No. h
foot, but most generally he doesn'i
suffer from corns. After his feet get
that big, he gets his shoes large
enough. A size or two doesn't make
any difference to him.
y y y =