Evening star., 1922-12-28
CAPITAL KEYNOTES
BY PAUL Y. COLLINS.

Sahara of Africa will be flooded by
the sea. for most Of it is below sea
| level. and when that is accomplished
what will happen to the earth's equl-
| 1ibrium? When the Colorado BASH
| is flooded, how much Will II tilt the
| continent? Not SO much physically.
perhaps. as it will industr.ally. II
will feed 50,000.o00 more Americans
| Cupid is having a peck OF trouo.e
in the District of Columbia these
days. First, he leaves the making
Of a matrimonial contract entireiy 'h
the hands Of daddy, and daddy muses.
| 1t all up by forgetting to inent'ot
| the matter to his sixteen-year-oih
daughter What has she 10 do VII"
so momentous matter, anyho"
She is only the bride-to-be. men
she learns about it she disappea'N
and then her mother has nervous
| prostration. so she returns. ana JOY
fully announces that of course sh"
| will marry the Chinaman-for What
I made it all so horrible was tne 20,
I that the groom was ehihaI.hu,
| Now. was that not enough 10 ihan
any self-respecting high school Glf'
resent the fathers diabolical arrane'
ment. simply eXcusinG hlmseH pH
saving that the man WAS ricH il"N
We must admire the self-sacrlnce o,
| the damsel-sweet little high scho"I
girl of Washington! cnpia ousho en-
save her But he wont, LOT Eng
| Chinese. too. and it is all acc"rG,"e
| to Chinese custom. except the auud'
| ity Of the brides timid fight.
And then there is the "ther ~
! stance wherein is shown how rar-
| 1nu u y
| groom of twenty-eight years actuallF
| marries his stepmother of fortN-tw"'
only to find out an hour aiter ne
| had kissed his bride that the IA"
| forbids marriage of one s,epnlo'u'
| or of a lot of other relations, a.
| Guiding his mother-in-law or ms
| lrreat-grandfather's mother in law
stepdaughter's second niece. !,
| too provoking to talk about. Sup
| nose this man had stayed stepson -,
b;s stenmotber. and suppose she had
| had several children before shH h"-
! came his stepmother. what relation
| would the new stepfather have hHen
to his stcpbrothers and stepslst'r
But he must step down ana "ut, az
| is married and not married, ana ~
! does not know whether to call ms
I bride stepma or wifey
| ST. Paul must have had A lot OF eN-
perience when he gave such soGm"
advice about matrimony. JOSH biii,
= lDRS dCNlCe, LOO, NdS io'4iO'S'
| Senator Curtis, the modern DiogenHs
| who started out to trace an honest-'o-
goodness bootIegger, whether staiesmaH
or page. found Mr.. Alibi the first daE
out OF course, that colored waiter "d$
not carrying the hootch to senatoriai
narty. when he got nervous and drop
ned the bottle. while headed toward ih'
| senatorial alcove. NO. sah-oh, No.
sah." He had Just found somethinH
s,innerv in his pocket and he We
eoin. to 'ouire if some gemmen had los
4 somethin' Sail that was. Vas. sail--
\ names Haiibut, but some gemmen calls
! him Alibi for shot. Bof names is hshH.
Why all this mystery and disguise ~
connection with the alleged attempt g.
Grover Cleveland Bergdoll to re-ent"'
America secretly by the back door ~
the Pacific coast? When the prodigsl
son came home he did not put on anv
disguise. All the American Legion
would welcome the sight of Bergdoil-
| in fact. there is always a light burning
| in the window 10 guide him back The
alien property custodian has foid
/ ring he would like to put on his hneTf
and some veal he might roast for hln
and merry dance to give him, If h"
will come home Yes, very merfS
dance.
Come home-welcome. A merry
dance, Also veal, Start the New year
right.
The old year goes out with every
American man at work who wants :"
work. unless he is physically unable
| to work, and with wages of the trad
workers higher than ever known be !
fore. And yet all is not well. whiIe(
the high cost of living persists. AMI
the ruinous returns to food producers
| While all the rest OF the world :
! suffering from an actual and terrible /
shortage of food. America is suffering
! from the high cost of what little food
dribbles through the excessive cost of
distribution, while as much goes l"
waste as ever reaches the consumers
J Our world statesmen have their acute
problems to prevent a holocaust of wai.
and our home economists have their no
/ less acute problem of food distribution.
| and our law makers and law executives
have their still more imminentiy dan
gerous problem of how to restore due
respect of all the people 10 all III"
/ law and the Constitution. The whole
| world seems to be wrestling with prob
| lens peculiar to the day-the close "f
1922. What mystery is held in the year
about to open?