Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-07-26

But now the little boys and girls
Are up against it right,
The skirts today are such that they
Don't hide the mother-quite,
-Capper's Weekly.
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But There Aren't Many
St.Peter was examining a newly ar
rived immigrant seeking entrance. He
had given his occupation as editor and
publisher. Following is a transcript
of the testimony:
@; "Ah, yes-of the worlds great
est newspaper"
A: No sir. Just common rag"
@: Circulation the largest in your
city,"
A: "No sir; oh no indeed! One OF
the smallest in the country"
You'll do" said StPeter. 'Pick
your harp"
Know Thyself
Smith: Holy smoke! What hap
pened to your facet"
Brown: II boxed six rounds with
the Battling Kid last night"
Il didn't know you were a boxer"
II guess l amt"
Excelsior
1t had been hard day at the hotel
and the bellhop was more than annoy
ed when ne was assigned to tote the
bag of an old lady who had a room on
the twelfth floor, but who had elected
to walk because she was afraid of eIe.
vators.
At the top of the third flight he
paused, fished in his pocket and held a
small object toward her.
Here's a dime, ma'am," ne said.
Now yer can carry yer bag up TO yer
room yerself."
Certain Test
Two fishermen were angling in a
river when one suddenly dropped his
rod.
"Say!' he calculated. "Did you see
that Teller fall off that cliff over there
into the river. ?"
Don't get excited, Bill" soothed the
other. "Mebbe it was movie actor
maxim pictures"
But, my starsl How kin we tell?"
well" counseled the judicious one,
''if he browns, he amt"
4 =
A Wisconsin man escaped death in
a grave by breaking the glass of hia
coffin while enroute to the cemetery.
This puts quietus on the story of the
Irishman who when asked who was
dead as the funeral procession passed,
replied, BE gobs, | dunno-I dunno
for shure, but l thinks it's the gintls-
man in the hearsew
White Supremacy
They were a couple of ex-doughboys,
but had been out of the army so long
that they had forgotten the discom-
forts of hiking and fighting and freez-
ing and starving and all the rest of it,
and remembered only the good times
and the free-for-all existence. Civil
ian life had becomeso monotonous that
they decided something had to be done
about it.
Lets beat it for China" suggested
one. There's a good war going on
and there ought to be some excitement,
because they got three armies"
NO" objected the other. Lets go
to Ireland. They got one army there
per capita"
4 4
Sh-h-h!
An old colored woman in Alabama
was on her sick bed and, fearing the
worst, essayed to make preparations
for her departure
"Willyum," she said to her devoted
spouse, ''yo gotter promise to bury me
in de old place in Bummin'ham near
NAH nanny All amt gwine to rest
in peace among all desc strange fokses
hyah."
"Dat1l be all right" assured Will
yum, 1--WE is gwine try yo' hyah fust,
an der does yo' start raisin' ruckus,
we is gwine try 20 in Bummin'ham-"
Tha TnL IS he
What are you doing ?"
'I'm the blacksmith in a lunchroon."
"The blacksmith in a lunchrooms
What do you do?"
Il shoe flies"
How Mirandy Got or
Traffic Cop-"Say, you! Didn't you
see me wave at you?'
Mirandy-"Yes, you fresh thing,and
if my old man had seen you, he'd a
knocked off your block. "-Ex
r. X
She Does Her Best
81 declare" exclaimed Mrs. Gabb,
half the world doesn't know how the
other half lives"
"Never mind, my DEAR" consoled
her husband in soothing voice. 1T
isn't your fault"
A Norsk Limerick
Oar ban an old geeser named Val
Who ban stuk on purity nice gal;
"Skol yu we'd me?" he say,
And she answer him MAY,
Eff ay du ay skol Sc yu in hail."
VIM. A. Kirk.
y = y
"There is one kind of money that
you can borrow, says a banker. "That
is the kind somebody else has saved"
4
No Wonder He Cried
1t was soiree musical. A singer
had just finished, my Old Kentucky
Home"
The hostess, seeing one of her guests
weeping in a remote corner, went to
him and inquired in a sympathetic
voice:
"Are you a Kentuckian?"
And the answer came quickly: @No,
madam, am a musician"
= y 4
Diplomacy
Please tell me,professor," the would
be pupil begged Of the veteran teach
er of singing, "just what you think Of
my voice"
"Ah, mees," he replied with q conn
prehensive wave Of the hands. s-n yoa