davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
K. MILLER
HIS IDIOTORIAL
BONUS

poP-EYED plebiscite OF un-
balanced opinion indicates
every service sap will first take
his bonus to the barber and
get whiskers cut loose.
THEN, II there's anything
= left. he'll take magnify
ing monocle, engrave his in
itials on the nickel with a pin
and wear II as medal OF
patience until Indian and buf-
falo start stampede.
IN few generations his heirs
i will be able to take coin 10
any bank in country and bor-
row copper penny on same.
MBLE legislators have
~ masticated that bonus bill
into so many different kinds OF
capsules that II will taste like
medicine when 1t is finally
granted.
NEXT generation will not
~ only pay the bonus, but 1t
looks now like it'n spend it, too.
DRETTY flap will step out in
L 1855 graduation uniform
and boast she bought 1t with
grandpap's bonus money
ELIVVERS will be selling for
same price as dollar
watches then, and many
proud boy will ride to and from
college in car purchased with
money service men clamor for
now.
DOM have been in making so
- long that jewellers will be
needed to scrape barnacles
asunder from submerged amend
ments now getting lions share
Of inattention.
DMINIS RATION plans
"A avoiding responsibility Of
gift by passing. II on to next
gang that gets in control.
DY time all hands have re-
- fused to soil Government
pocketbook the thing ought to
be boiled down to something
very precious and rare.
WILL probably be delivered
w to soldiers emeritus in
satin-lined casket like Hope
diamonds or baby's first teeth.
HOPE pastery was very prom
"A inent as owner was al
ways hoping jewels wouldn't
get gyped-Hope Bonus might
be stylish name for present
gumboil when 1t finally comes
to head.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
THE BIG DIPPER. "

The Naval Observatory says
that the big Dipper" moves in
a circle around the pole star
once in every % hours, 56 min
utes; this being the length Of
a sidereal day. When above the
pole the constellation moves
from east to west; when below
the pole, from west to east. The
motion Is apparent only, being
due to the actual rotation OF
the earth: and like the diurnal
motion Of the sun and moon,
takes place in the opposite di.
rectfon to that Of the earth g
rotation.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
WISDOM
GRATITUDE
dedicated to r. kipling.)
Copyright. is22O
BY S. E. Kiser

THE house that Stebbins owned was burn
l. ing; his wife and children were inside;
Smoke rolled from all the windows darkly,
and Stebbins wrung his hands and cried;
His clothes were singed, his face was blis-
tered; his knees gave way beneath MS
weight;
He called: "For Gods sake, help! My loved
ones" his look was wild, his terror
great
THEN came his neighbor, strong, cour-
l. ageous, and armed to fight the roaring
flame;
He strove with all his might. nor halted to
think of favors he might claim;
He plunged within, unchecked by danger,
he took no time to count the cost;
He saved the helpless ones whom Stebbins,
poor, trembling wretch, had feared were
lost.
THE house was damaged very badly, but
l. not, it seemed, beyond repair;
The man who hastened to the rescue was
bruised and blistered here and there;
Assured that he had done his duty, and that
he might be on his way,
The rescuer departed, asking no thanks, and
not expecting pay.
THEN Stebbins rose and looked about him; +;
Il his children and his wife were saved,
But anger filled him, and they wondered,
perceiving how the man behaved.
"He's gone" he said. "He's left us; curse
him. He hasn't got no soul, he amt!
He should have stayed to mend the windows
and give the house a coat of paint"
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
SAP and SALT
by Bert Moses

(Copyrieht. 1922, by Premier Syndicate. Ine)
You can always put the blame for a poor
garden on the weather.
A good nights sleep works wonders with
fellows disposition.
A woman gets more thrill out Of a cry Y
she has the shoulders of good-looking man
to weep upon.
Pullman car windows beat chewing gum In
the matter Of sticking tight.
Death is the price paid for living, so get q
good run for your money while you can.
Most of our progress is accomplished while
Congress is not in session.
Hez Heck says: Good men sits plenty o.
credit, but not very much real cash"
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
Something to Think About
By Bruno Lessing-
THE BELL IN THE FOG.

nUT in q fishing-boat an
" chored or the shore rising
and falling upon a gentle
swell. Slowly a fog descended,
grew thicker and thicker, en-
veloped US, swallowing US, sep
arated us from sthe rest of the
world. SSfsy ,
I had the sensation Of being
lost in mid-ocean. Not a sin
gle landrnark 10 indicate Just
where we, were. Nothing but
gray, heavins. oily waters melt
ing into impenetrable walls OF
fog. There came a sense of un-
easiness.. It was all so unreal
to be 30 suddenly isolated, out
Of sight Of familiar surround
ings. out. of touch with all the
earth. at the mercy Of unfriend-
ly elements, beyond the reach
Of help.
Then. suddenly. I heard the
loud, clear tolling Of the bell
buoy and I knew I was but a
few hundred feet from the
shore and q hotel and a troll
ley line.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
'FiUe Noble
Patriots

rDWARD HEATING, manager
Of Labor, writes, or gets some
IL body to write for him, edito-
rials that say what they MEAN
quite plainly and in condensed
shape. Here is sample of the
Labor editorial that may interest
you. 1t shows how patriotism can
be made profitable and explains
the coming of the word "pa-
trioteer."
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

A ND as I sat there, greatly
"A relieved, the thought oc-
CURED 20 me that, after all.
most human life is spent in a
fog and that, were II not for
the bells that ring out clearly
to mark our bearings, we would
all be lost upon a boundless.
uncharted sea.
The lad or the maiden who
hears the siren call OF love,
the married man or woman
who feels the hot breath Of
temptation, would soon be lost
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
All Up for the Sandwich Man!
BY DIR. Charles Fleischer-

; without falling out Of our set
ting.
vOCATIONS. trades, profess
sions, occupations, busi-
nesses. whatever means Of live
lihood are countless in number
and unimaginably varied in
kind.
Go to some village which has
no visible means of support.
and yau are not surprised on
being cold that the villagers
live by trLing in one another's
washing.
Or sons equivalent Of that
mutual process;
But walk NE streets of a big
city a bit philosophically, and
you wonder how the great
masses of people survive, how
in the world they manage to
make a living or to get along.
And then you realize the ter
rible meaning and menace Of
the hard. scientific phrase that
Darwin has made familiar, when
you translate the universal
terms Of human life.
THE infinite varieties of
u plant life somehow find
sustenance-or they perish.
Every animal somehow finds
nutrition-else it dies.
And man? He may no longer
kill or rob or forage to meet
his needs. He must somehow
find work that he may live.
The soviet idea is that he
must work IL he wants to live.
Leaving the land and crowd
ing into cities has artificialized
and complicated the problem Of
mere life for the average.
BY SO much more have hu.
man agony, terror and tears in
creased.
And by the same token must
courage, initiative, ingenuity,
individual determination and
mutual sympathy also increase
in our human species.
Meanwhile, all up for the
sandwich man, symbol of human
diversity and of Mans stick-to-
it.iveness!
Copyright, 1922. by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

Excepting Van Buren,. Buc.
hanan and Cleveland, all the
Presidents Of the United States
were married at the time Of
their election.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

'Paramnesia" is the word that describes
the feeling most people have had that the
same circumstances have occurred BEFORE
when such could not have been the case.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

A ND now a sudden puff Of
"A wind blew all the fog away
and I could clearly see the shore
and I knew just where we were.
And, at that moment, 1 caught
a fish. But, being rather sub
dued by my own reflections, I
have nothing to say about it's
size.
Copyright. 1922. by King Features
Syndicate, 1nc.)
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
An AnSUer
To Mr.. Nike

"H1S comes to the editor writ
ten on a postal card:
i Morris Hillquit sails for So
cialist parley! Foolish man. Social
ism is like religion, who wants
it I? u?
"James E. Ferguson speaking in
Houston lambasted the Ku klux
Klan, he almost provoked a riot.
They stick up for the Klan, whyH
Because it promises fighting,
hatred, murder, that's what the
mob wants? American or others,
MOB is MOB.
"Michael Collins great and decent
Irishman killed. Who needs decent
people today. We need profiteers,
politicians, grafters, bootleggers,
false writers, etc.
''This is all for today. MIKE"
To the above we reply: MIKE,
whoever you may be, you are too
pessimistic.
Following war there is always a
great deal of violence, a good deal
of killing. The profiteers, poll
ticians, grafters, bootleggers, false
writers, ETC., to whom you object
ARE rather conspicuous. But the
world is getting better all the time.
We kill each other more than we
should, but at least SOME Of us
are ashamed of it. We have our
wage slaves, millions of them, and
we work them for as little as they
can be forced to accept. But at
least we don't beat them to death,
as they did the other kind Of
slaves in Roman and even in Greek
times.
And we don't take the slave and
nail his ear to the door post &C
cording to the Biblical description,
declaring him, his wife and chill
dren to be slaves forever.
We sometimes punish men that
don't deserve it. But we don't
break them on the wheel, or boil
them in oil, or pull them apart with
pinchers.
We do poison and blind good
many citizens. But it must be re-
membered that the citizen poisoned
and blinded insists on trading with
the bootlegger.
Bootleggers are not as bad as
the old witch doctors that used to
point out the witch, some feeble,
harmless old creature, to be burned
alive while the mob howled.
We have our mob, and it isn't
very pleasant, but it isn't as bad as
the old mob used to be.
Cheer up, anonymous Mike.
Things are not perfect, far from it.
But the world gets better all the time.
And if we have made such won
derful progress in the twelve thou
sand years that have passed since
the Late Stone Age, think how much
more we will make in the hundred
million years that scientists tell US
our planet still has to live-and we
to live on it.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
I THANK you.

The portico at Arlington is Of Grecian archi.
lecture being modelled after the Temple Of
theseus, at Athens
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

THE fixed electric advertise
ment, with all its flashy
blinking and twinkiing. must
recognize his rivalry, for he
himself has taken to carrying
at night a portable Illuminating
sign.
So your staggering French
sandwich man Is beautifully
''lit up" each night. Which
must make many ian ancient
American topper vainly envious
Of his Gallic rivals up-to-date-
ness. 8
Centenary celebration aside,
does not the sandwich man
picturesquely symbolic the in
finite complexity and the infinite
artificiaiity Of modern life?
Butcher, baker and candle
stick maker have been meal
culably multiplied in the Gu
rious. frantic neffort Of the hu-
man race to maintain itself in
this goodly frame. the earth,
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
ENFORCEMENT NOTE.

ENFORCEMENT NOTE.
Brooklyn man moves that the name
of ginger ale be changed. He has tried
It and says there isn't a bit Of gin In It..
German mark hasn't much self
respect until II gets into some cash
drawer with a lot OF Russian rubles.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
Stars and Stripes.

WOULDN'T FLOP" BE BETTERs
Philadelphia firm Of undertakers ad.
vertise in street cars as follows: when
You Come to Us. You Take a Step In
the Right Direction"
What shall be the Permanent Seat Of
the League of Nations?' asks a New
York paper.
Seems as though It ought to DO at
least REINFORCED leather.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

SHAMELESS CREATURE.
Sign in front Of movie house: "A
PRINCESS IN A SHORT FILM"
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

IVES, we wander through life
l. as in an encompassing mist.
through which we cannot clear
ly see our way or recognize old
landmarks. And all, all of US
would be lost, did not those
constant, sweet, familiar bells
ring out through the fog to tell
us:
Here is Truth. Here Is
Goodness. Here is the Right"
So that we may set our COM
pass and steer our course.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

THE man Of business, the
l. employer, the workman.
the professional man, the art
list, the musician-all those who
play an active part in the
worlds affairs-find them
thieves at times lost in a fog
of temptation, drifting on aim
lessly, doomed to perish-until
they hear the clear tolling Of
the bell,
Honor! Honor! Honor"
The Washington times., 1922-09-21
IN France they have the cen
tenary celebration habit.

tenary celebration habit.
Moliere' and asparagus have
both been celebrated this year.
So why not the human sand.
wich?
In England he Is older than
a century-this man who has
the walking courage Of his en-
ployer's convictions and is
willing to parade the city
streets. looking the same either
way. going or coming. as he al.
lows the twin placards which
encase him to perform his
perfect stunt of peripatetic
. publicity agent.
But he was brought to France
just one hundred years ago.
And. therefore, France. where
they do SO many things so much
better than we do, must needs
acclaim the sandwich man.
We are assured that, though
he is not good enough to eat,
the French sandwich man is no
mere hobo. He Is a self
respecting tradesman with the
proper pride of his profession.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

ADMINS RATION plans
"A avoiding responsibility Of
gift by passing 1t on to next
gang that gets in control.
The Washington times., 1922-09-21

RY time all hands have re-
- fused to soil Government
pocketbook the thing ought to
be boiled down to something
very precious and rare.
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
OIL COMPANY TO KEEP
TRACKS UNTIL FRIDAY
Decision in Roosevelt Borough
Suit Put Oft.

The order restraining the Borough Of
Roosevelt. y. j., from tearing up rail-
road tracks laid by the Mexican Petro-
leum Company. which seeks to erect
five large oil tanks on the outskirts OF
the borough, will stand. Vice-Chancel-
lor Backes refused yesterday to cancel
the order. on the ground that the situa-
ticn is not pressing enough, but can
hold over until Friday. when the case
will get final hearing.
The Mexican Petroleum Company ac-
quired $50 acres of property outside
Roosevelt in 1914. The borough says 1t
did not surrender title to some of the
streets which crossed the oil company's 8
property. and for this reason tore up
tracks which the oil company had laid
across them In building spur from
the Central Railroad of New Jersey to
transport supplies for the erection OF a
$1,000 gallon oil tank.
Henry G. Bunce, owner OF q small
house and three lots in Roosevelt which
he refused to sell to the company, IS
trying to prevent the erection of the oil
tanks near his property on the ground
it would be a menace to the health and
safety OF his family
The New York herald., 1922-03-05

has not received a copy OF the orders
OF the Public Service Commission OF
March 8 relating 10 telephone rates.
From the newspaper accounts the
orders appear to be of such character
as TO affect not only the rates and
revenues OF the company, but also its
operation. The public may rest assured
that the company realizes its obligations
and will protect the service and pro-
vide for its continued development.
1T Is impossible to comment further
on the orders or their effect until after
they have been carefully analyzed."
William A. Prendergast, chairman OF
the commission. announced that the
schedule of rate reductions in detail Will
be issued tomorrow.
The commission ordered 10 per cent.
cut last June, so that the present order
will make total reduction OF 10 per
cent from the cumulat tive advances OF
% per cent. allowed TO the company TO
meet wartime emergencies. In making
its decision the commission contended
that the reductions were warranted by
the decline in the cost of materials,
labor and money. II also was repre-
sented that the company's depreciation
and operating reserves are excessive
and increasing too rapidly.
The tenor or the commissions decl-
sion and statement seemed to indicate
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
THREE ARE ARRESTED
IN EXTORTION PLOT

Three men charged with plot TO OBJ
tain 5000 and cigars from Fritz Ger
spacher, cafe proprietor OF 1892 First
avenue, were arrested yesterday by De-
tectives MCGUIRE and Hughes Of the
East Fifty-frst street STATEN at First
avenue and Fifty-ninth street. where 1t
was alleged they met to divide the
money.
Gerspacher has been receiving letters
for two weeks from John Murphy, Rev
enue Office. Badge 352. 40 West Twenty
seventh street." stating his place Of busi-
ness was unler observation and Federal
agents were planning to raid It. On
Wednesday a letter suggested he put
5000 and boxes Of cigars for each Of two
agents In package and give 1t to mes
senger who would call Saturday after
noon. and his cafe would be rid OF the
danger Of raiders for six months
package was prepared at the direc-
ton OF the detectives which contained
green paper. and It was alleged that
Edward A. Manning Of 139 East Eight
eenth street called for II.
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
Jag Real and Quick,
Comes from Molasses

A TLANTIC CITY. March A.
~ Intoxication by molasses
fumes is the newest short
cut to "jag." according to Thomas
II. McRavitt, a merchant OF this
city, who is somewhat of a traveller.
One of the strangest sights OF
which he has told his friends was
the sight of a crew on vessel
carrying molasses who became
."whiffy'' merely By inhallng fumes
from the hold.
He said he learned that there is
n method of distillation employed
OH islands in Southern seas by
which almost immediate intoxica-
ton is produced. A pan with water
and molasses is heated for several
hours, covered by woolen cloths.
which when wrung into a glass
leave a liquid that has the kick Of a
big gun.
The New York herald., 1922-03-05

be kept as evidence John Jeva.
waiter knocked tht glass out OF his
hand. Jeva was arrested.
The agents also visited the vesuvius
Restaurant, 254 West Fifty-first street.
where they arrtsted Gabriel Leppri, the
proprietor. after obtaining drinks.
James Williams. also known as Mick"
Williams. was surrendered by his
bondsman and arrested on a bench
warrant issued by Federal Judge Gar
vim in Brooklyn charging Illegal salt
OF liquor and the use or forged per-
mits for liquor withdrawals. He was
held in $4,000 ball for trial.
Wien. Grill and Fabricius. general
agents. reported buying six barrels of
whisky from the aKdeem Drug Com
pany, 1874 Fulton street. Brooklyn.
They represented themselves as boot
leggers and agreed to pay $500 for the
six barrels. putting down only $50 in
cash. When the barrels had been loaded
on truck thty declared the liquor
seized. No arrests have been made.
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
READY TO LICENSE DRIVERS.
Comm fssioner Cray Moves Office
as Albany Bill Pends.

John J. Cray, Fourth Deputy Police
Commissioner, who will have charge or
the licensing OF chauffeurs and owners
OF automobiles in event Of the passage
OF bill now pending in the State Legs
lature, transferred his Offices YESTERDAY
from the second floor of Police Head
used as tha West Twentieth police si:s-
tion. The change was made in antlelps
tlon Of the passage of the bill which
would transfer the automobile licensing
power TO the Police Department.
The handling OF this business would
require more room than was ayailsblc
for the Deputy Commissioner al heua-
quarters. f#
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
WOMEN AID AGENTS
In RAID ON MURRAY'S
Headwaiter and Proprietor
Summoned After Drinks
Are Bought.

Murray's Restaurant at 22s West
Forty-second street was raided late
Friday night by prohibition agents. who
visited several places in the thcater dis
trict dressed in evening clothes and
accompanied by women. At Murray 8
they arrested Fred Deegan, waiter, on
the charge that he had sold them sew
eral drinks, and left summons for
Patrick Cummerford, the head waiter,
and Michael Cox, said to be the pro-
prietor. The raid was made by Sassi.
Weiscnbergcr and Atkinson.
At the Oakland Hotel. AZ Sixth ave.
nue.. which was visited after Murray's.
the agents said they purchased more
drinks and reported that as Sassf was
about to pour a drink into a bottle to
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
BLAIR LIFTS DRY BAN
ON FLEISCHMANN CO.
Order Revoking Alcohol
Permits Is Held Up Pend
ing a Hearing.
MELLON TAKES A HAND
Charges Of Large Yeast Con-
Germ to Receive Full
Airing.
DENY PROHIBITION GRAFT
Outside Persons Said to Have
Sought Hush Moncy-Dc-
cision on Tuesday.

Special Dispatch to Tnn NEW YORK HEaALL
New York Herald Bureau.
Washington, ID. g., March 4.
Revenue Commissioner David III.
Blair tonight held up an order issued
by Prohibition Commissioner Haynes
yesterday revoking the Industrial al
cohol permits Of the Fleischmann
Company. Inc, Of New York. and its
eleven branch agencies in as many
-ties
commissioner Blair announced to-
arght that the revocation order would
be held in allegiance until representa-
tives Of the Fleischmann company
have been heard in defense Of the
charges made by prohibition agents
that alcohol, manufactured as a by
product of the yeast business, was
being diverted to beverage purposes
and other uses.
Mr.. Blair"s decision was reached
after he had conferred with Secretary
Mellon and Commissioner Haynes and
the three officials had reviewed an out
line Of the facts In the case.
Final decision in the case is expected
Tuesday. Commissioner Blair person.
ally will hear counsel and officials OF
the Fleischmann company. His decision
will be made known probably the same
day.
Quick Action Promised.
THE Fleischmann interests will have
the fullest opportunity to present their
case" Mr.. Blair said. "The case will
not be allowed to hang fire. After
have heard the evidence and had time
TO pass upon 1t. will make known my
decision without delay. Until the evil
dence has been submitted and digested
prohibition agents will be stopped from
making any seizures of alcohol already
on hand in the plants of the FTeisch-
mann Company throughout the country.
Mr. Blair said he had taken cogniz-
ance OF the charge OF agents for the
The New York herald., 1922-03-05
PHONE COMPANY
SILENT ON RATE CUT
Wants Time to Study Decision
Before Making Known It's
Attitude.

Officials of the New York Telephone
Company. In the absence OF official
information. were unwilling to comment
definitely yesterday on the action OF
the Public Service Commission on Fri
day in ordering rate reductions averag-
ing per cent. here and per cent.
upstate, effective April l. 1t is not
known whether the company intends to
fight their application.
J. S. McCulloh, vice-president OF the
company, issued the following statement
on its immediate attitude toward the
order:
.The New York Telephone Company