Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1922-08-23
Webster Revised


ALCOHOL-A liquid for preserving
almost anything but secrets.
AUTOMOBILE-From English ought
to- and Latin 'Moveo,' to move. A
vehicle which ought to move but fire.
quently can't.
BIGAMY-A sort of insanity in
which man insists upon three board
bills instead of one.
CHAUFFEUR-Am anwhois smart
enough to operate an automobile, but
clever enough not to own one.
CCOK-A charitable person proyid-
ing food and shelter for policemen.
EXPLOSION-A good chance to
start at the bottom and work up.
FEINT-A pugilist's bluff.
FAINT-A woman's bluff.
LEA very poor substitute for
the truth, but the only one discovered
to date
MIRACLE-A woman who won't
talk.
PULLMAN PoRTER-A legalized
train robber.
SAIL0R-A man who makes his
living on water, but never touches it
on shore.
The Students Were TickIed
A recently issued circular of a CO.
educational college contained this
statement: "The student body en-
braces young women"
On the bulletin board of the wo-
mems section of the college the in
structress in astronomy had posted
this notice regarding the evening star:
Anyone wishing to take a look at
Venus, please see me-"
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ImmObile
Clarence: "It's easy to see your
people came from Ireland"
Terrence: "And that is where ye're
wrong. They did nothin' of the kind"
Clarence: "What? Didn't they
come from Ireland? With that
brogue?"
Terrence: "They did not. They're
there yet"
The Change
He was an awfully kind boss"
said the former stenographer, $50 con-
siderate, so thoughtful, so manly and
generous. And then, heaven forgive
me, | married himl"
The Old Shell Game
"A OOAOACu NCICIdn was UGlOTG IDe@
court as witness in liquor case.
He pleaded loss of memory due to his
war experiences. The court inquired
the nature of the experiences.
"Jedge, sah," related the witness,
Cap'n says, 'Foller me and zigzag
when yo' GO Jedge, sab, every time
| zigged dem big shells zigged, an
II L. II
Jagged, an zig or gag, / was wrong
every time. American Legion Week
ly.
Missed Main Event
Bishop Moss of Nashville was talk
ing about church sensationalism.
"Some minister's" he said, "give US
motion pictures. Others give us plays.
Others have themselves lit up with
colored lights while preaching, as on
the stage"
"This sort of thing is not WISE
Somehow it reminds me of little Will
lie."
Little Willie's father took him to
Sunday school for the first time and on
the way home, in order to see if the
youngster had learned anything he
asked:
"Who killed Goliath ?"
Il dunno" said little Willie 81 was
settin' on the back seat and couldn't
see. Los Angeles Times.
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Seen by the 0ptimist
In a single day in a crowded city
saw policeman stop traffic and lead
small child safely across the street.
I oh
hand her the purse she had dropped.
| saw tears come into a woman's
eyes as she handed forlorn begger
a dime.
saw a doorman on a crowded train
who announced all stations clearly and
treated all passengers in a courteous
manner.
saw politician who places public
interest above person popularity.
/ saw man pay his income tax with
a smile.
| saw man who admitted he knew
less about city politics than the may
or and less about international affairs
than Lloyd George.
saw ten inspiring articles and read
them through and half as many that
wisely discarded with the first par
agrnph.
| saw one man who did the work
Of two get double pay and two men
who did the work of one get fired -
Exchange.
y y \
No Wonder He Cried
1t was a soiree musical. A singer
had just finished "My Old Kentucky
Home"
The hostess seeing one of her guests
weeping in a remote corner, went to
him and inquired in a sympathetic
voice:
Are you a Kentuckian
And the answer came quickly: mo,
/ am a musician.n-Boston
News Bureau.
X n X
The Job of a Man
It isn't the work we intended to do,
Nor the work we've just begun
That puts US right on the ledger sheet:
It's the work we've really done.
Dur credit is built on the things we dc,
Our debit on the things we shirk:
The man who totals the biggest plus
Is the one who completes his work
Good intentions do not pay bills,
It's easy enough to plan;
To wish is the play of an Office boy,
To do is the job of man.
= y
Overheard-That's All
A Topeka business man employee
'wo negros to work on his gardens,
which he personally oversees. One
morning Sam did not appear.
Where is Sam, George ?''he asked.
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