New-York tribune., 1922-12-17

Colonels as the hitting battle-ground
be the stage Of an unspeakabie trai
tender memories of bygone days will
Shades Of the immortal Ping Bodie'
that such an outrage should be perpe-
trnted within the confines Of a ball
park! In brief, and bluntly, the horri-
bic crime not only contemplated but
actually planned Is the malicious plae-
ing Of ten thousand beer barrels IN
certain areas Of the new concrete
grar6stEnds. Imagine the scene
Thousands Of cheering spectators view
the arrival Of the kegs from the Ia
nous brewery OF Colonel JAKE. They
are decorated with red ribbon and blue
laws. Garry Hermann arrives from
Cincinnati 20 make "A dcdicatory speech
az the first barrel is laid IN place Com
missioner Lands passes IN with dig
nifty. Phil Schcnck passes out with
emotion. Short sermon on text: Let
there be light beer" Colonel Rup-
pert accepts the nomination.
Boy, Page Mr.. Volstead
The band blsres forth with strains
Of "Wo Love the Old Home STILL" Cap
Huston is laid in place. AZ a signal
given by Major Tom Birmingham,
chief OF construction for the Yankee
Colorels, President Harding in Wash
ington turns the tap OF a little gold
spigot and the ten thousand beer bar
rels ARE FILLED WITH WATERl
o tempora! o Moses, What an
guished soul can even visualize the
scene, the tumult, the dcsolation that
followsi Shrieks. shrill dcmoniac
laughter" groans ~ the dying and
voices OF the dead" as Tennyson has
described similar catu-i. .m els b.
where. The barrels continue 90 nm
rcmorGclcssly as thousands faint be-
fore the terrifying spectacle. tn esur-
yivors crawl away from the dreadful
scene, and darkness covers the land.
As aforesaid. this Is the schame In
prospect. Il has been devised bv Ac-
ting Private "Tubby Tear. late Of
Company d, ilth Engineers. A. =. f..
and now connected with the White
Construction Company. which Is build
Ing the stadium. II has received the
approval Of Major Tom birmingham.
II Is wonderful with what courage and
equanimity these army engineers can
endure the dangers and torturcs Of
others. To make the punishment a.
the crime. these two men should be
sentenced 90 drink every drop OF water
In the 10000 beer barrels within eight
hours OF the contamination Of the out
rage.
The ostensible reason offered in ex-
planation Is that this will be an easy
method for testing the bearing CO.
pacity Of the new concrete grandstands.
These structures mus. dndergo n test
Of stress and strain, and must support
at least 100 pounds 20 the square foot.
But the explanation thus offered only
proves the malicious intentions OF the
engineering squad.
Phil Sehenek Might Help
Would IL not be simpler for them to
take Phil Schenek and place him erect
in any part Of tho stadium grandstand
that is 20 be tested. Phil tips the
beam at 283 pounds. net, which is
l2ih pounds pressure on each OF his
square feet. This margin Of sefety OF
2lh pounds will never be endangered
unless Uncle Wilbcrt Robinson should
follow in the steps Of Judge Lands
who, as Will Rogers said, jumped from
the bench into the grandstand. II Is
we'll known, however, that Robbie is
kept on the bench as a matter OF self
protection for the magaateJ, or grand
stands would be cracking under the
strain every day.
But all this is beside the question.
Unless a miracle intervenes. the glori-
Gus altar Of sport will be profaned by
the desecration Of those once honcred
barrels. A deluge OF water will drown
the memories Of the foaming brew that
bubbled from these casks for the mere
~ nominal sum Of cents a scoop or
10 cents seidel. Colonel Tillinghast
LHommedieu Huston was approached
b. committee on bended knees and
implored 20 stop the outrage. il only
as last saving gesture Of an other
wise misspent baseball career.
who, me !" cried Colonel Til. "No.
sireei I'm through with baseball abb
solutely, and this proves that I got
out just in time. Suppose those bar
rels should burst with indignation up
there. Can anybody imagine a more
horrible death than that Of being
drowned in water-in water. Of all
thingsP With a sardonic grin the
MAN in the Iron Hat" boarded a train
for Cincinnati, where H2O is only
known as a cooking liquid
last appeal Is being made 20 the
gentleman who is now the sole owner
Of the Yankee club and the court Of
last refuge in emergencies OF this kind.
He Is being besecehed as q reputable
citizen, as an enrolled Democrat, a.
a respected member Of the malt, bdrley
and hops industry. 20 refuse his con-
sent and 10 crush the fendish scheme
under foot. Write or wire your Con-
gresham 20 get in touch With Coione;
Jake. The Save a Barrel movement