davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

esk hin ~ - Fsslps ~ ysss
Dsddins. saw 10 enc IN the house
sRospt the valsI The reason !
went was 10 ash HIM how - knit
Q swsaAse"
The Washington times., 1922-03-12
Our American
Slanguage

vdGX say N Europe that ~
have no langnasA Hal
We have enc. and Il ~
are . Broadway cafshound ycs eaa
got Il Il not. Jon can, gusss q Il.
Asybs you win b sight Amols
the submerged niastsnths. tae
newer American slansuass goes
something IKE. this. although Non
Webster throws . somsrsault -
his Szavs and Uncle Herb Spencer
comes back 70 haunt n:
Tlattsry: ~ApplssauoA.
Old Fellow; ~Oh yucksr.s
Your Girl: your Blue ssrgS-
or your Urban Set"
A Drink; BALL"
Policemaa's Nishtstlcks mo
cracker"
The Gate: The Raspbsrry.s
Big-hsadsds ~roppy.s
Bons-rimmed Glasses, Rubber
tires" n
Rsstssrast CAssks -TAs pass-
port"
Bartender ~Coronsr."
Discharged: -0ivsa cir. It
An UNLIMITED RsrSon: "A Grip
pls."
Hst Wise: He's JaAAs
A Hit: "A Rufh."
Taking . Drink: -1lsppins the
undeytaker."
Darnfool: sDumbbsu.s
An Unsophisticatsd Psrscn: -An /.
OIL Can"
Corner Loafer: "A pigeon
Subway Cars: "Dimwagons.s
The Washington times., 1922-03-12
BY Doylan Cone

APsd ths 49, h nast Asvs bssa
. nog-ranes gua.
Three hundred md twelve bsaur
t1ek and famous screen stars who
know nothing shout the case were
photographed n their snappy
motor cars to-day. Two hundred
and seven Of them denied rumors
that have never been heard, that
they were engaged to the slain
dirscteA
WTRAs h hss Inst been dis
covered that something was seen
running around the bungalow on
the night of the crime. II was .
fence
Il loved him better than life,"
sobbed Miss Annabslls Nudge. the
prominent aim star. to the district
attorney to-day. 4 wss wrapped
~ h him heart and soul. but there
was nothing Sentimental about II.
We were Just pals. Get my profile,
plsarA I An one Of the few who
taks . good profile. ] now have Q
miliion-dolias contract for nsxt
ysar. This sable came from Paris.
Oh. how loved him. never had
the pleasure Of meeting him. No
Great britain Nights Reserved
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

The police are now confident .
woman fred the shot Reason un-
known.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12
he End of a
hick) Day
IA Suburban Bungalow

IA Suburban Bungalow
WIFE (upstairs) - Hen-rsei
~ Husband (downstairs)-
=" Yss, m'luv.
did you wind the clock.
Yes. m1uv."
Have you locked the frunt
oorf"
Yes, m'dsa1."
Have you locked he back
doorr'
"YDe!.
Have you fastened al the win,
wsf"
'SurN.s
Have yos pulled down TIE;
adesf"
Certainly"
Have you put the cat outf~
You know IT,"
Have you pat Willis's cart down
Ilarf"
'Yesn.
Have yes locked the cellar
orr"
"Oui, oui. madame"
Have you covered the rubber
anti"
As II I could forget 70 do that
Have you put coke on the fur.
ace frsr syria
Yes, m1uv."
Have yoa banked 4 with
shesf~
"YDei.
"Havs you taken the ashes outr' !.
"Yss. yes" 1t
Have you put the I'D - the
ash-barrelf"
Absolutely" ,
"Havs you turned out the Night
In the basement" t0
Most assursdiy. ! aim -
please"
Have you looked II the Nd ID on
the garbage eanf~ T.
1T -"
did you 90 out and look 1t the
carf"
Honest to goodness"
DO you think the radiator viii
rssssf"
NAV"
swynotf
because I let the water out Of
H.
Have you locked the nrassf"
SHohumi Yes" "A
did you lang the garage key in
he kitchenf"
mo. threw Il ever int the
,sighbor's yard"
Have you turned out he light
n the gsrasef~
"Posolutely." .-.,
sHave you covered the goldfish
Nth newspapsrsf 2
up to the gills." !
Have you brought in the porch
natf" :
'"Yassi"
Have you put the mink bottle
vutf" ..
yes. doliing.'
did You put some money In itf~
S6urest thing you know" ~ :
"Havs you put Rover n the
)ellarf"
yes, ma'am-"
Have you turned out ne porch
lghtf-
"oh. most assurediy."
Have you fired the furnace
|raftf-
'Yss. angel"
well. then, for heavens saks
ONE mp stairs and 80 to bed.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

The police announced definitely
that the shot was fred by . woman
who had her arms around him.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

The police have certain evidence
hat hold-up man fired the shot.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

The police are satisfied the VIC
tim was murdered BY . Jealous
man.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

I know absolutely nothing shout
the crime"
The following note. signed MIN
ME" has been found; II love you,
I bvs you. I love you. even though
you are sixty years older than /.
love you K K x x x XXX K"
The mysterious Minnie" has
been found. She admits she loved
Bill. She saw him drive By once
IN his motor.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

shielding an actrsss from the
biackmailsrs.
The Washington times., 1922-03-12
Boy, Page Sherlock Holmes

~ 0aa - . vooAA Th1o y I'm
poetant
The Washington times., 1922-03-12

ruaice q Busnos Ayres. Arssn-
tina, have arrested the man who
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Our Russian Dances

M ORE famine threatens in
W Russia. Seven millions are
AVx in danger The jewelry taken
from churches proved to be largely
imitation and did not supply much
money for food. The Grown Jewels
will 60 next. Many millions are in
vested there but they won't bring
their value.
Instead of buying jewelry, if
that money had been invested and
re-invested wisely. PLUS INTER
EST, there would be enouglr>now to
feed everybody in Russia, ten times
over.
Before long, however, Russia will
have food enough, for her govern
ment appears to be stable, and
whatever they produce IN RUSSIA
IS KEPT IN RUSSIA. The Grand
Dukes no longer spend it at the
Monte Carlo gambling tables, or in
thievish, dishonest contracts abroad.
Cal OLoughlin, a good observer
just hack from Russia, can tell
President Harding, if he has time
ITO listen, some interesting things
about the opportunities this coun-
try is losing in the way Of trade by
letting France, England and Ger.
many go in ahead Of us.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Bread Makes
Teeth Decay
Copyright, 1929. by Star Company.

Some new studies on the decay
OF teeth have recently been made
in the laboratory of the Hygienic
Institute OF the University of
Leipzig. The results are sum-
married. by the Scientific Ameri-
can, which says:
Perfectly sound teeth takon
from various individuals between
the ages of eighteen and fifty
five years were employed in the
experiments. Not the slightest
flaw was to be found in any of
these. not even with magnify
ing glass. For the purpose Of
the experiment each tooth was
covered with layer Of wax, in
which apertures were then made
at one point or another, after
which the tooth was immersed in
a mixture Of bread and saliva. at
a temperature of 81 degrees
Centigrade.
At the end OF a week half of
this mixture was removed and
replaced by a fresh mixture OF
the same sort. in order that the
condition. as usually present in
the mouth. of a mixture of fresh
food and saliva. together with
decomposition products Of former
mixtures. might be reproduced
as closely as possible. The first
traces of carries became manifest
in a deeply Grooved inCiSOr;
softcninS and discoloration were
shown in this tooth even after
the lapse of thirty.three days.
At the end of fifty-siX days all
the other teeth exhibited signs Of
, softening, while completely de.
veloped carries was exhibited in
all at the end Of 124 days.
The carries was produced at the
selected points, whether these
were covered with enamel or
were at the meek" of the tooth.
Strange to say, the common be.
lief that marmalades and similar
sweets are largely responsible for
the spread of carries was not con.
firmed. While mixtures of bread.
saliva and marmalade produced
carries in about the same length
of time as the first mixture (of
bread and saliva alone), teeth
placed in mixtures consisting of
marmalade and saliva showed no
alteration even at the end, OF
siXty.one days. 1t appears. there.
fore, that both the performed
acids and the traces of natural
fruit acids Of the marmalade are
without effect in the production
of, carries.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Discover Old Indian Cave

An Indian cave hidden away
many years from the white
mans eyes was recently dis.
covered on the estate Of Valen.
tine Hcmeman at Boothbay Har.
Dor. Me. The cave extends 40
feet under the hillside and can
only be reached by a sudden
drop Of Is feet over the lodges
The walls are covered with In.
dian characters, centuries old.
Il In said. A tangle OF grape.
vines concealed the entrance.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Our Innocent
Government
.RANCE may not ratify the
doings of the Washington con-

doings of the Washington con-
4 ference, may refuse to scrap
ships, or limit her freedom of
action. Very intelligent, the French
government You can't say as
much for this Government, which
throws away hundreds of millions
in ships half-finished, makes itself
responsible for the possessions and
stealings of other nations in the
Pacific, and begins breaking up its
ships, not even waiting for others
to keep their bargain. just one
thing this nation should say to
others coming across the ocean
with their conferences: "We don t
make war, we are out of trouble,
we intend to keep out of trouble.
You attend to YOUR business. and
we shall attend to OURS.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18

"E had thought it was the
w privilege of science and
invention 10 add to the salts.
factions and comforts of men.
But we must curb our generous
appreciation in the presence of
this monstrous sphygmomano-
meter. this mechanical detec.
tive.
Even at the bchest of science.
we refuse to be deprived Of the
democratic luxury of lying. /. e.,
without a registered protest.
1t was bad and sad enough
when the moralists asserted the
mischief of mendaciousness.a and
in the name of ethics and re-
ligion solemnly placed a ban
upon this ancient, universal and
delicious type of self-indulgence.
1t was still worse when psy.
chology claimed to have discov.
cred that lying disintegrated
your personality.
Even then we were willing
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
THE SPECTATOR
Education and Government

VIEWED from the mere stand.
' point Of industry. education
is the most profitable Of invest
ments.
The scientific discoveries Of
today are the starting point Of
industry tomorrow. and there
fore the source of revenue for
future generations.
A world growing continually
more crowded cannot escape self
destruction except through the
Increased proc nctive skill of the
people. increased efficiency in
fighting disease, Increase
knowledge of food resources and
a better moral state Of the peo-
pie.
Free, full and continuous in
struction Of the whole body OF
the populace is essential If the
human beings on this planet
are to continue to live together
without destroying one another.
TN a democracy education must
l. be democratic. That IL. it
cannot be used as a mere instru.
ment for providing hands for
industry and for perpetuating
class privileges. 1t must be
such as 20 render intelligent
rich and poor. high and low.
No State has ever spent
enough on education. No State
has ever sufficiently magnified
the profession Of teaching. No
State has ever realized how
much its strength and POSITION
in the world of nations depend
upon the intelligence Of the last
man.
America has done well. per.
haps better thar other ratlons
but /: is very. very far Of having
done well enough.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Something to Think About
BY Bruno Lessing.
OH. TICKLE WOMAN.

vice and do not select women as
your specimens. You will find
a greater variety and a grander
quality Of 1t in men.
The fickleness Of women-I
am leaving love aside--shows
itself mostly in the trivial and
unimportant relations Of life.
My lady goes out to buy a red
hat and comes home with a blue
one.
The fickleness OF men ex.
presses itself in more serious
fashion. From monarchs and
statesmen and leaders of ma
tions down 10 common laborers.
their fickleness is usually dis.
waved at a critical moment, IL
attended with grave conseduen.
ces and has It's origin. not In
harmless vagaries or mental ir.
resoluteness, but In greed and
self-interest and. often, in natu.
raj dishonesty.
As for love-well, taken IN
the average, the flightiest
chorus girl is more steadtast In
hcr affections than most men.
however. is all be-
= tween ourselves and Is not
to be repeated. It's a splendid
song and It's always such run to
laugh at women.
Woman II tickle.
Like a feather IN the wind. :
Ia dn da umpty.ump, da "A
- Ia.
Copyright ,ss.. Ktns rsstur-s
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Harding Cuts
Expenses

~ RESIDENT HARDING is to
be commended and congratus
i lated upon his determined
and successful effort to reduce ex-
penses of the Federal Government.
He is going to keep expenditures
within the estimated receipts Of
5000 million dollars for the next
fiscal year, even though this in
wolves slashing the budget 600 mil
lion dollars below the moneys voted
for the current year..
In the fiscal year 1921 the Gov
ernment spent SIG million dol
lars. In the fiscal year 1922 (end-
ing June 30) the Government spent
1878 millions, reduction OF LAB
millions, compared with the year
before.
The President has made fine
beginning in cutting the cost of
Government, though there is still
much to do.
The Government ordinary
expenditures" which were 1878
million dollars last year, were only
1853 millions in 1914, the last peace
year.
That means, it costs us 2,6l0
million dollars more in taxes to
run the Washington Government
than it did before the war.
Part of this increase is unavoid-
able. For example, interest on the
public debt is now 991 million; it
was twenty-three million in 1914.
The Veterans Bureau cost 401
million, money we'll spent.
But every department has shot
up. From 1914 to 1922 the cost of
the Treasury Department grew
from GU to 294 million. Expenses of
the Interior Department mounted
from % to 34l million, while the
Department of Agriculture grew
from 22 to 143 million. The War
Department jumped from 176 to
455 million, the Navy from l4l to
All million.
Amid the reckless extravaganza
of war days, all Government SER
vices were 'watered' like the
stock of a New York public util-
ity corporation. President Hard
ing has squeezed some, not all, of
the water out of the Washington
departments.
1t is nearly four years since the
war ended. Federal expenditures
should be reduced to approxi-
mately their pre-war leyel, plus
interest on public debt and expend-
itures on behalf of soldiers who
won the war.
When that reduction in expenses
is effected, there will be such a
saving that we can either reduce
taxation or pay off the public debt.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
WAYSIDE WISDOM
Copyright. IsatN
d. g L LiSor
DON'T GET HURT!
Copyright. Is2tN
BY S. E. kiser


lust because another said:
y you're afraid to take dare,
There's bandage on his head,
And he's in nurses care.
He will never rise and run
With the boys whose backs are strong;
He will miss lot Of fun,
Lying where the days are long:
Be alert,
Don't get hurt.
THERE is sorrow down the street,
i Where a wreath hangs on a door;
We who pass that way will meet
One whose smileswas sweet no more!
Those who loved her. solemnly
Sit in darkness and are stunned;
Lucklessly she failed to see
Danger that she might have summed.
Have a care;
Look, beware!
AT the crossing things are piled
IA In a ragged-looking heap;
Yesterday a woman smiled
Who has reason now to weep.
He who heard the gateman shout
Thought there was no need to halt;
Men and women crowd about,
Saying someone was at fault.
Don't tempt Fate;
Watch and wait
CLANG. Here comes the ambulance
~ Hurry. people, clear the way!
Somewhere someone took a chance;
So It goes, from day to day.
Absent minded people drop;
Daring people risk and fall;
Death is always on the hop,
Answering some hurry call!
Be alert,
Don't get hurt.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Why Lie?
BY DR.. Charles Fleischer-

to take our chance with con.
science and our individually
own "innards."
4 ND when the practical
"A philosophers assured us
that it was exceedingly difficult
to follow up sufficiently quickly
a lie once started by providing
1t with companions to save its
face-even then we were willing
to show our nimbleness and ex.
ceed the limit in proving that
one good lie deserves another.
But now. with the advent Of
the sphygmomanometer, the
situation has become desperate.
Easy as lying. indeed! Science
has made it practically impos-
sible.
Unless this lie-detector is
proven to be hopelessly de.
fective.
A Daniel has come 10 judg-
ment in the person of Chief Jus.
tice Mccoy.
JUDGE Mccoy recently re.
d fused to allow DR.. William
NJ. Marston. a professor Of psy.
chology, TO make a courtroom
test Of the spygmomanometer
upon a man charged with the
murder of negro physician.
The court intimated that the
twelve jurors were human
"sphygmomanometers'' and
could detect a lie just as easily
as the instrument itself.
However, you need not too
too quickly rejoice over the dis
comfiture of the machine and It's
operator. For the end is not yet.
Copyright. 1922. by King Feature
syndicate, 1nc.)
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
LiquOrOn
Ships

and liquors on ships entering
q American ports has two sides.
First, there is the law, the Eight
eenth Amendment, which must pre-
vail.
Second, there is the question of
Justice, equality and common sense
as applied to foreign and American
ships alike.
By Constitutional amendment the
people have decreed to make the
territory of the United States dry.
They did not vote to make the At
lantic Ocean dry; they couldn't do
it.
Under the international law the
Eighteenth Amendment does not
and cannot apply more than three
marine league off our shore.
The foreign steamship lines have
been hoping and expecting that the
law would be applied only to Amer
lean ships, which are American
territory"
The foreign passenger vessels
figured. that they could continue
their present practice of serving
liquor while coming over from
abroad, sealing their bars when en-
tering American territorial waters,
opening the bars again while pass
ing the three mile limit, and serving
liquor again on the return voyage
to Europe.
In the meantime, American ships,
bone dry, would sail with empty
CABINS, since a large percentage of
travellers to Europe, including
Americans, will go on liquor ship
when they have choice.
The foreign steamship companies
thus reckoned that our own laws
were going to destroy the most
valuable ships in our merchant ma
rine.
Now the Attorney General de-
cides that American ships cannot
possess liquor because they are
territory of the United States"
Foreign ships are, he says, caught
by the laws provision forbidding
the transportation of liquor in the
United States-which includes three
miles of the ocean.
The foreign companies are now
turning to the courts to defeat the
law. They ask an injunction for
bidding its enforcement against
them.
If the law is to be defeated as
applied to foreign vessels, it should
be defeated as applied to American
vessels. Both classes of ships-or
neither-should be forbidden to
come to our ports with liquor
aboard.
The Administration at Washing
ton is perfectly right in standing
for square deal for the American
merchant marine.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
SAP and SALT
BY Bert Moses

tcopyright 1921 by Premier Syndicate. Inc)
Gall and ability are often confused.
To he honest simply because it is said to
pay, isn't honesty at all.
Innocence has its goods points, but is a
poor business asset.
You can acquire a reputation for wisdom
by just standing still and listening.
An ounce Of vanity takes up more space
IN the heart than a pound Of reason.
IIez Heck says: The best fishn' in list
before YOU git to the creek or jist after you
start back home"
The Washington times., 1922-10-18

THE one modern belief to
L which there are a few inf
dels is that education is the bus.
mess of Government.
Privately controlled educa-
tional institutions will probably
Always have their place, but 1t
will be a subsidiary one to the
great business of educating all
the people which is the peculiar
province of the State.
Education is not a luxury nor
an accomplishment; it is a ne
cessity. Without it no democra-
cy can be permanent.
The time is passed when edu-
cation can be. considered as be-
ing only for exceptional persons.
We must not only educate the
leaders Of the people but the
people themselves, for in these
days it is tlIe common mass
that determine great questions.
Education is a matter of life
and death to civilization.
A PEOPLE that travel sixty
IA miles an hour, said Dean
Inge, must be six times more in
telligent than people that travel
ten miles an hour. This is an
epigram that contains an impor.
tant truth. Perhaps we can see
1t better in the statement that
a civilization that knows how to
make poison gas, Big Bertha
guns and airplanes cannot af.
ford TO be governed by the ig-
norance and superstition of the
past.
The world has lately spent un.
countable sums of money In the
business of destruction. The
merest fraction of this money
spent in education would have
prevented a calamity.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
We TOWNE GOSSIP
= Copyright ls22 by Star Company
Pv X r r
By X. c. B.

MY BOOTLEGGER : AND QUIET men.
friend.
TO WHOM I church.
loaned
ALL Lawful
A TEN dollar bill. men.
WHEN HE was IN EVERY way.
broke.
-. EXCEPT FOR
A LONG time ago. hootch.
HAS CALLED on AND HE told Inc
mo. tales.
AND WANTED to OF "PRlVATE
send doors'
A BOTTLE Of IN OFFICES.
hootch.
THAT OPENED
OR MAYBE a case. up.
FOR OLD times AND LET T hi" in'
sake. -,
BUT told him no. appeare"'
AMI Cu,nED him WITH HIS worn
N" suit case.
1'V' NN''""D' AM HE laughed
some more.
FOR SELLING it.
AN DwANTED to
know. AND LEFT me
.~ here.
IF BREAKING the ~ 49,. 49,
DIDN'T WORRY AND HERE am.
him.
AVN ~, r. .. 49,, WITH I,ia, A guilty
THERE WASN'T
fear: IF I'D do right.
THAT ia,rnt HED be ! SHOULD go
AND SENT to jail AND FIND some
AND HE just S'e0s"'
laughed WHO SEARCHES
AND ASKED in
turn. BOOT EGGING
MEN.
worse. AND TELL the
sleuth.
THAN HIS
customers. THAT I'VE found
one.
AND HE Dragged
to me. AND I can't do
that.
'"N y. '.e "''' FOR IF did.
OF THE men he IN rprI 90
served. 'o
-
WEkE CITIZENS. COULDN'T sleep.
OF SOME renown. AND 7 gotta sleep.
I THANK you.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18
Gold, Gold, Yeuow
and Cold

THE United States has piled up
almost four thousand millions
i in gold coin and gold bars. We
are the gold owners of the world.
But four thousand millions gold are
locked up doing nothing, earning
no interest, whereas they might pay
off four billions of Government
debts and save the people two hun
dred millions yearly in interest.
However, that is how finance is
managed. You must know a great
deal to be sure that there is any
better plan.
Europe say to us, "You have all
the gold," envies us and admits it,
yet the Allies foolishly imagined
that they could get from Germany
thirty-five thousand millions in
gold, nine times our great "hoard, 1"
more than ten times the largest
amount that Germany ever had.
Germany was forced to go out
and buy gold with paper money as
long as she could and now her
paper money is worthless.
Nobody really understands
finance. 1t is game of follow
your leader. You remember that
the wisest bankers in the United
States said the Federal Reserve
plan would mean ruin. Now they
all admit that without il. the ma
tion would have had a succession
nf black panics.
The Washington times., 1922-10-18

~ IlHANb OiNoS III kpS
"A street keeps tinllling away
LA donna mobile,
Qua plum' ell pentO."
woman is tickle, like a feath-
er in the wind" That jolly song
from "Rigoletto." which Caruso
always sang with such gusto,
which every Italian knows so
well and which has echoed in
the hearts of so many men with
whom fate has not dealt kindly
the whole story of womans
vagaries Is sung in those lines.
WoMAN'S fickleness! The
w literature of every land and
Of all times is replete with it.
When she will. she will. When
she won't. she won't. And
sometimes when she will, she
won't, and when she won't She
will.
We men, being superior be.
ings, sit back and laugh because,
the more we think OF II. the
more this vacillation in ,women's
conduct proves our superiority.
They never know what they
: mean: they never know what
they want. It's the world-old.
transcendental joke.
And It's perfectly true.
DUT II you should ever be-
- come sufficiently interested
In the subject Of fickleness 20
make study Of II. take my ad.