The Washington herald., 1922-08-26
1t Seems to Me
By Haywood Broun.


body else who Is interested may help
himself to the idea The hero Of the
play Is an author. possibly a dra-
matte critic. Anyway. he II sturdy
and courageous A erican of the
highest possible typA Yes. we will
make him a dramatic critic.
The villain Is an actor. though not
a very good one. In a review ap-
pearing two weeks before the OPEN
ing OF the play the hero has had
occasion to refer to the villain-tol-
erantly enough. 1t seems to us-as
adequate But the villain 10 in
suited. Before becoming an actor
he spent some years as an elec-
trician's assistant. Posing as a ga.
Inspector. the villain manages to
gain access to- the library of the
hero's home on PARK avenue. The
Satler Is called to the phone for a
moment and while he is gone the
Villain attaches an Internal machine
TO, the hero's typewriter. The con.
trivanee Is designed in such a way
that IL the hero so much as touches
a certain key he will inevitably be
blown to atomss
At this point a nice technical
problem arises. Will II heighten
the mystery or detract from 1t ~
the audience remains in ignorance
as TO which Is the fatal letter upon
the typewriter? Probably IL Is best
that they should know. This can be
done easily enough by giving the
villain a short explanatory solil-
Oquy in which he says: There now.
I've rooped up that bomb containing
els pounds of nitroglycerine with
he Il on. his typewriter. Just let
him get personal and he is lost
We hear the butler coming back
up the hall. The villain sneaks
out the French window, but before
he goes he casts one more look of
approval upon his devilish device
and says with a marked sneer: Il
guess that will be adequate" He
emphasizes the Objectionable ad-
jective in a way to make Your blood
ourdle.
Here the curtain descends TO in
dicate a lapse OF time. The hero
has gone to review the opening
night of the "Ziegfeld Foilies-" As
the curtain rises again. dawn Is
breaking. The last edition of the
hero's newspaper went to press two
hours ago and so II is necessary
for him to work feverishly. He
approaches the typewriter and pre-
pares to give a summary of his
opinion In a single sentence. Every
heart in the audience stops beating.
and then there Is a sigh of relief
rs the hero abandons his usual
practice and begins his article with
the editorial I'VE"
But wait a minute. The suspense
has not yet ended. All over the
house excited spectators can be
heard saying to one another. "Zieg-
field Follies," and spelling out the
words. Escape seems impossible.
The poor fellow Is doubly doomed.
BY the luckiest chance in the world
the hero mentions neither word and
refers to the show which he has
lust seen as "Flo's new opus" This
cheap iipness saves his life for the
moment. but the dread hand OF
death still msnaces him. As he
writes. he reads the words aloud
so that the people in the gallery
can share in the suspense with
those in the first row.
Paragraph after paragraph flows
from under his fingers and still he
has not employed the fatal vowel.
Suddenly he pauses and begins to
think. what's up now? With one
more paragraph he will be done.
II is only necessary to say some
thing nice about the girl who does
the chaldFan dance rumber in the
hi= Urban ballet In the third act.
But he happens to be in love with
her
Hello, Look at him. He's get
ting un. 4 few spectators in the
roar Of the house begin to applaud.
they think that he has finished his
review. ard that the danger Is
9v"rted. No such luck. He's go
ing tn the dictionary. Every eve in
the theater follows him. He opens
'he hook at the page headed 'fn-
tort-intuitive." With bated breath
the audience watches as his glance
f1shes past ''intreat" "intrench."
''''''--nnchment." intrepid" "intric-
ahis."
Finally a woman In the third row
''ar stand the strain no longer. In
= pier"inC whisper which resounds
'h-oU chout the theater she cries to
Ner escort: Can you ina gine, He's
looking up intriguing and he don't
know how to spell it The whis-
N'r breaks into a sob. There lies
rhe-vord at the bottom of the page
= intriguing" The hero copies II
ut in pencil upon a piece of paper
SpeiGng as he goes along 'i-n-
t-r-i-g-u-i-n-g" Here are enough
rs" to blow up every tenant In the
I;s~al Arms. men. women and little
children. Fortunately. the audience
is able to comfort itself with the
thought that the hero will feet
rothinE after the first 'f."
With slow and steady step he
walks back to his machine and sits
down. He raises the tvpewriting
fnGer on either hand. Women in
the audience stop their ears Sud
6enly the tension breaks as the hero
f-ives great shout of mo. I'll be
damned II do,'
as a Chaldean nautch dancer"
Re writes, "Desiree woollcott was
9deGuately nautchy." The curtain
falls.
We confess that the last act is
something of a letdown from the
hig scene. Some little exposition Is
necessary. The audience must be
told that the hero has taken .
weeks vacation in order to write
ssnovel but that so far he has done
no work and the typewriter has
not been touched. Also. that dur
ing the interval the Smart Set has
appeared and that in Mr.. George
Jean Nathan's dramatic piece. en-
titled "Ach Holl." the villain has
been referred to as this gangre-
nescent Garrick." All this is
brought out by means of a conversa-
ton between the butler and a scul-