Durant weekly news. (Durant, Choctaw Nation, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 190?-1944, 1922-11-17

The lightning bug is funny bird
The poor thing has no mind;
1t goes on stumbling through the
world
With its headlight on behind.
Pessimist-"What's your greatest
example of optimism ?"
Optimist :-"Why woodpecker
trying to peck hole in concrete
telephone pole"
LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
"You don't call me cutie any MORE"
"No, grille, that word is too much
reminder of life in the trenches" he
replied.
Amos Tash Says, Hold your tongue
almost everywhere, but not in praise.
Bill Spivens says mosquitoes aren't
interfering with petting parties any
more.
Wonder what would happen if Hen
ry Ford would get into the gasoline
business. The makers of gas have
something to fear then and their
profits would be much less.
HIS DEFINITION
Elder Watkins, of Muddy Hollow,
just back from the city, was telling
his wife of the church he had attend
ed.
did you know any of their
songs?" asked she.
"No," replied the elder; "they
didn't sing anything but anthems"
Anthems! exclaimed his wife.
what on earth is an anthem? ?"
"Well," answered the elder, 81
can't tell you just exactly, but if I'd
say to you, Betsy, the cows are in
the corn, that wouldn't be an anthem.
But if I'd say, 'Betsy-Betsy-Betsy,
the cows-the cows, the Holstein
COW, the muley COW, the Jersey cow,
the spotted cow-all the cows are in
are in-the corn corn corn.
Ah-men! Why, thatd be an anthem"
Mrs. Smoke Button went down
town yesterday to buy a pair of
shoes, but couldn't remember which
of her stockings had the hole in it
and postponed the purchase.
Singing won't cure obesity, says
beauty expert. What he really means
is that obesity won't cure singing.
Beckie-I won't marry a man who
won't look me straight in the eye
while he is talking to me.
Charlie-Then you will have to
wear them longer, dearie
Not only is the little red school
house painted white nowadays, but
Bill Spivens notices that in most
cases it needs a new coat.
WHAT EVERY HUSBAND KNOWS
When woman goes away from
home the first thing she talks about
on returning is not her trip, but the
awful condition the house is in.
Bath tubs are becoming so common
and familiar that talcum and per-
fume do not bait the men like it used
to, notes Bill Spivens proudly.
O.
Many a man has lost his reputation
for veracity by going on a fishing
trip, according to Bill Spivens.
o.
THE GREAT FINANCIER
Smithson. "Do you know that Noah
lived?"
Dibbs: "How do you make that
out"
Smithson: "Well, he was able to
flat company when the whole
world was in liquidation"
Bill Spivens says the gas and light
meter is the nearest thing to perpet-
ual motion he has found.
SUSPICIOUS
"Why do you close my place? You
amt never caught me doing moth
ing"
"Too much argument in here for
near-beer."
SAME IN EVERYTHING
Bill Spivens says no matter how
carefully you pick apples off tree
there's a fine one away up there at
the top that you missed. In life, it's
about the same way.
Love is blind, and with people mar
rying in times like these we suspect
it is also wholly ignorant of arith-
metaic.
A NEW "WAN" ON PAT
Mr.. Patrick Callahan, the we'll
known plasterer, was discovered
standing before the Corner Drug
Store, which displayed a large sign
"Nut Sundae."
Pat gazed at the sign a long time
and then said to Hennessey, who had
come to the door.
"Ash Wednesday, Shove Tuesday
Good Friday-say, this is a new wan
on me.
Here's Durant copy who deserves
a promotion for bravery. He sug.
gested to women, who complained
that men stood in the streets at night
and watch them disrobe, that they
pull the blinds.
THE MAYOR AND THE UPLIFI