davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
WITH ~ ~
THE ~.
funny Az
n!A lzI
INHERITED, PERHAPS

Little Girl (before statue In mu.
seum) m)-Mamma, what's this?
Attendant after pause - That's
Mercury, the messenger of the gods.
You have read about him, no doubt
: Mother-Of course she has. But,
do you know, my little girl has such
very poor memory for Scripture.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
The Correct Move.

Pretty Niece (blushing)-Auntie.
what would you do if you learned that
a young man was secretly inquiring
about your ability as cook?
Wise Aunt would Immediately
make secret inquiries as to his ability
to provide things to cook, my dear.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Ma Butts In,

"Pa, what do they mean by going
from the sublime to the ridiculousf"
asked Clarence.
1T means girl dreams of marrying
some wonderful prince and then goes
and ties herself up to a boob like
your father" snapped ma.-Milwaukee
Sentinel.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Layinu Down : aarran.

DO You hear from your son at col
,lege9"
early and often" said Mr.. Grab
coin. Il get so many requests for
money by mail, telegraph and long
distance telephone that 1 hesitate to
listen in with my radio outfit, for
rear I'll hear sons voice making an
other appeal"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
just NOTHING at All.

! Mr.. ,Cheerup--Look pleasant, my
man. The fellows who succeed are
those who can smile.
Mr.. Lowdown-Sure! That's what
makes 'em smile. What have the
other guys got to smile about?
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Not to Be Lauqhed At,

HAS the American woIHan sense
Of humor?'
YES" replied Miss Cayenne. But
the American man is so estimable and
well meaning that her sense of polite
ness oyercomes It,"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
When the Eiddlss Moan.

DO you care for grand opera?"
mo" said Mr.. Dubwaite. "I'm
afraid I'm not equal to it. / know
there must be times when grand opera
stars express joyous emotions, but all
I've ever heard sing seemed to be ter
ribly sorry about something and 1
couldn't find out what it was"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Got Back at Him,

Hub think I'll get magnifying
glass SO that / will be able to see the
steaks you cook for my dinner.
Wife-Good idea! 1t might also en-.
able me to see the money you give me
to buy them with.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
improved Machinery.

1 haven't heard any evidences of a
political machine in your campaign"
Il have one, just the same" said
Senator Sorghum. "The new models
are more nearly noiseless than the old
fashioned kind"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
No Wonder.

! According to an English paper re-
Gently received our Mr.. Guilford lost
certain hole through putting out
Of bounds from the tee." No wonder
our golf players. failed to win, trying
such freak shots as that.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Kind of Neruous-

Il might give you a job. You have
been a chorus girl how lops"
"Ten years."
"You seem nervous about somebody
stepping on your feet"
"Well. I have been acting with ele-
phants."
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Disbursements,

"Do you resent the fact that a man
does not agree with you?"
"Not ut ALL" replied Senator Sor-
ghum. "In looking over my speeches
of a good many years ago find that
/ dc not always agree with myself"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Wise M an.

= "Well, anyway, I saved time during
that holdup," grinned the first victim
Of the bandits.
"How's that?" inquired his fellow
victim.
"When that robber was going
through your pockets / slipped my
watch up my sleeve" he replied.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Part Of II.

Binks Tin girl and music shOw)-
Nice song, eh? Do you know the
chorus?
Jinks-Not so loud, my wife is with
me. l know that little blonde OH the
end.O
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
An Appropriate Title,

Perkins--I wonder why they named
this picture theater the Beehive?
Parkin-Have you ever seen any of
their pictures?
"Never."
"Well, II you ever do yeu1l know
the reason, all right, because after each
one you feel as though you'd been
stung !"-LondOn Answers.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Spelling His Plans,

Green (new to country life))-
Where are those duck eggs 1 brought
home yesterday?
Mrs. Green-I put them under the
hen.
Green-Under the hen? Good heav-
ems! And wanted to hatch out ducks
from those eggs.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Keen Housekeeping.

"I'sce, on Sundays we rise late.
Then we don't need much breakfast,
because it is so near lunch time and
Ne don't need any lunch because we've
Just had breakfast
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Services In Demand.

V'SSS w VSHJdVos
How rich Is MIR. Wadleigh?".
"He must have a great deal Of
money"
"Yes?"
Il understand he has been invited
Dy a number Of candidates to become
the master mechanic Of their political
machines"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

ful OF cream sauce with two table
Spoonfuls each of butter and -four and
one cupful Of thin cream or milk.
Season with one-quarter of O tea
spoonful each of paprika and salt.
When boiling hot pour over the vege-
table. For a change add grated
cheese. two to four tablespoonfuls.
Ragout Of Veal With onions.-With a
clearer or pestle flatten a veal steak
TO about One-quarter Of an inch in
thickness. With small round cutter
cut the veal into rounds. Cook these
In frying pan in hot salt pork fat
until the juice shows on the upper
surface, then turn and cook on the
other sidG; add broth and let simmer
until the meat Is very tender-ab0ut
forty-five minutes; stir two table
spoonfuls of -four. salt and pepper to
taste, with little tomato juice, into
the dish; add a cupful of tomato pulp
In inch-sized pieces and cook ten min
utes longer. Have ready some button
'''t >oONOu tChdCI DOlIllk WHIeT,
drained and Drowned in butter. Serve
the veal and sauce in the center of the
dish, with onions around it; or serve
the veal in overlapping sections with
the onions around in a circle and the
sauce in bowl.
Orange Gelatin Cake.--Bake sponge
cake in deep round layer cake pans.
Make an orange jelly and mold in
the same pan, dipping it first in Wa
ter. Have one layer of the jelly to
two of the cake. When the Jelly is
firm, dip the pan for an instant in
hot water, then place one of the lay
ers of cake over the Jelly and place
large plate upside down; hold the
three firmly together, and turn the
plate over so that the cake will rest
on 1t with the jelly resting ON the
cake. Now place the other layer on
the jelly and frost with orange frost.
Ing.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Keeping Her in Gloves,

! rs your son-in-law good provideri"
"He can just about keep my daugh.
ter In gloves. l pay for everything
else"
"Then he deceived you as to his cir
cumstances?"
mo. distinctly remember he mere
ly asked for her hand"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

so your son Bill is going to law
schooif asked neighbor Of Farmer
Furleigh.
Yep, answered the farmer. "But
ne don't pay no attention to his books.
l reckon mebbe he's goin' to be one
OF these unwritten lawyers I've read
about"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
ST. AVE OF FASHION

A yeung man who IVES known In
his circle to be very effeminate,
walked through the lobby of hotel
one afternoon. The lobby was filled
with his friends and this was over
heard:
First "Friend"--I never in the world
would have thought Freddy would
smoke a cigarette.
Second Ditto-IIe wouldn t until the
ladies started it.--Kansas City Star.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Defined.
CHILDHOOD GAME

The visitor was examining the class.
"Can any little boy tell me what a
fish net is made ofG" he inquired.
"A lot of little holes tied together
with strings smiled the never-faiiins
bright boy.-Wesleyan Advocate.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
ForestaIIina a Touch.

Morning, Mr.. Dodleigh."
"Good morning, sir"
"Could you lend little financial as.
Astance to friend?"
"Thanks. l need"
"The friend I have In mind is now
touring Europe"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Poor Mary.

Mamma, why do they wax people?",
"Thcy don't; where did you get that
idea?"
Il heard uncle tell papa that at mid
night the party waxed Mary"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
RuIinu Passion S+ronc

I Fleurette-I have been to see that
new play of Machin's.
Marie-Full of ideas, isn't it?
Fleurette--Yes: especially noticed
q skirt of lace, cross-gored; a coat
in a new shade of gray and an orange
tunic decorated with green spots.
Paris La Baionette.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Vlcarlous Exertion.

"Are you still taking exercise to
music?"
NO" said Dubwaite, I'm taking It
by proxy"
"How's thatT'
II sit in a cabaret and watch the
leader Of jazz orchestra call on the
saxOphone players"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Diversion,

DO You subscribe to the agricul-
tural publications"
"Yes,' replied Farmer Corntossel.
"We've got to have a little somethin'
to take our minds off Of politics"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Spills the Beans,

I've given up telling my wife any
thing"
$50 have l mine. 1t simply goes in
at one ear and out at the other"
"That isn't the trouble with my wife.
1t goes in at one ear and comes out of
her mouth"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
COMPLEXION All Rinht.

Sam-De doc says All oughter take
some medicine to purify de blood.
Druggist - Here's an excellent
preparation guaranteed to purify the
blood and clear the complexion; one
dollar.
Sam-Hain't you got sumfin' To-
about so cents jes' TO de blood? All
don't care bout lie complexion.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
N... Mlrt msee.
%. 1920; Western Newspaper Union

1Pere never was an emergency that
did not have remedy. Unfortunately
lt Is not always possible to find the
hrst aid to the wounded" Just when
needed, so 1t is we'll for all to be nre-
pared for life's emergencies by culti-
vating a calm mien and a faith in
ultimate results. LLOYD
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Front-Paoe Celebrities.

"Son, there are no short cuts TO
fame"
But, dad, people do things in few
minutes and get their names in all
the newspapers"
Yes, son, and some of them find
prison fare SO unappeiizing they have
to send out for their meals"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
tlas the Last say.

Caller--I must say, Helen, that your
husband looks as if he had a will Of
his own
Hostess-So he has, fearies but al
way as!d.n ccdicil to II.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Has Been About Some.

/ Your boy has graduatedY"
Yes" said Mr.. Grabcoin. "Now he
wants to go abroad and see something
of the world"
why don't you let him see America
firstY
""YOu couldn't interest Elm In a
proposition like that. He Travelled with
the football team"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Completing Her Collection.

! Helen-People say 1t Is awfully
good Of her to marry him. He has an
artificial arm and an artificial leg.
! Marie (sweetly)-Yes, about the
only artificialities she hasn't got her.
self.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Misanthronic.

"Josh !" said Farmer COrntOssel,
"did you learn anything about evolu-
tion while you was to college?"
mo, father replied the young
man.
I'm glad to hear it. The idea that
some men l know Is descended from
one kind of animal or 'nuther amt
no compliment to either side Of the
transaction. Washington Star.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Sport in the Junoie.

The Hippo-If I'd known there was
going to be such a crowd I'd have
bought ringside seats. We can't see
a thing from here.
The Giraffe--I think these seats are
fine. l can see everything.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30


repeating Tor days at a
time.
creamed Kohl Rabi.-
Pare tender Kohl rabi,
cut each in quarters
lengthwise and let cook
In boiling water until
tender; season with salt
and set four pieces each
in individual dishes. TO
GprXrn Auo ,nolyo nno o,,,,
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
RIGHT at Hand.

Irate Boss Ito caller who has left
the door wide open)-Sir, do you know
what good manners are?
The Caller-I'm just your man.
have here for your consideration the
best book on etiquette that was ever
published,
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Better Days.

6etter Days.
The bride was found weeping.
Whats the matter?" asked her
mother.
ITS raining on my wedding day."
sobbed the bride.
Don't cry" cOmforted the more ex-
perienced mother. "There'll be other
wedding days"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
The New York Idsa.

Departing Passenger-This is a heck
of service.
Conductor - WHAT'S the matter9
Couldn't you get q seat?
d. P.-Sure, I got a seat But my
wife had to stand up all the way.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Between Artlsts.

First Actor How did you like my
playing last hight in the role Of the
insane king?
Second Actors Splenditlly, old top!
Absolutely wonderful You showed
an actual inhorn crazineys.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
According to oualltv.

Flubb-Brown paid $25 for one Of
his photographs.
Dubb--W Wasn't that rather steep?
Flubb--Not at all It happened to
be snapshot of himself kissing q
bathing beauty at the beach!
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
The Bio Expense.

What a very stunning coat of arms.
I'm sure you ought to be very proud
Of IT."
I'VE are. But George says it will
cost q lot to put it on the door Of the
limousine
why? Because It's SO irtricatei"
mo. Because we have to get the
limousine first"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Barely Does So.

One Man-Yes, in a battle of tongues
a woman can always hold her own.
The Other-Perhaps she can. But
why doesn't >she?--London Answers.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
MoreLike II.

"A scientist claims he can weigh
ones conscience
'By the ounce?"
"No; by the scruple, l Imagine"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
A peluded Woman

"Maud says she believes in being
young while she can"
"Oh, she's done better than that for
the last five years. She's been young
while she couldn't"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
The Wise Plan.

'Mr. Meekingham has great pres
ence Of mind"
''Is that Se?"
; "Yes, while he was proposing to
Miss Stronghold instead Of saying,
will you be mine?' he said, May I be
yoursT"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
lncorriaibIe.

tncorri0tbIe.
Teacher Ito literary class)-Now,
give me some word like 'bemoan.'"
First Pupil-Bedew.
Second DittO-Bedaub.
Third Ditto-Bespatter.
Fourth Ditto-Begorrai
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Not Harmful.

"The philosopher says that all things
come to him who waits.n
"How about a little work on the side
while waiting?"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

cantaIoupe Cup.
Chill the mel
ons on Ice, cut in
halves, removing
all seeds. FIJI
with ice cream,
decorate with
Drowned almonds
and servo
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Vague, but Useful.

: MY hat is in the ringl" exclaimed
Senator Sorghum"
, What do you mean by thatf"
! Il don't know exactly what 1t means.
But that phrase is a very valuable
one. l have never known an occasion
when 1t wasn't good for round of ap-
plause. e."-Birmingham Age-Herald.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Beyond Recall.

Calier-'Ere, mister, If I gets a
restitution of eonjugal rights against
my 'usband, can the law make i'm
come back to me?
Lawyer-We could get decree to
that effect, madam. Where is your
husband? y
Calier-'Es doin' life sentence.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Few Of t,s Airc

"This is mans world" she COM
plaineda
Maybe Il lD," he replied, "but don't
blame rae, Tin not guilty."
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
No Devotee.

He takes his wife on dshing trips
I SPEAK Of William Henry Pipps--
Which doubtless started the report
That he's not keen about the sport.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Complaint of Rent

Though the world is full of people
Who are voicing discomfort,
Forty-nine of every fifty
Are complaining of their rent.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
SPURS HER AMBITION

SPURS HER AMBITION
Mayor-Why do you wish to be
appointed movie censor2 There's
lots of work and no salary to the lob.
Mrs. FiImhound--.oh I'm not afraid
OF the work. . And, besides, I'm Just
crazy to see the pictures that have
to be suppressed.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Queations.

Il suppose children ask a good many
unnecessary questions?n
Il can answer them but ] can't
answer my wife,"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
The ProdiaaI Son.in.Law

I'll let you marry my daughter, but
l don't intend to support you"
"Sirw
Now don't act as if you were in.
suited. know human nature and
speak from experience. Many a young
chap has left his father-in-law's home
In high dudgeon and returned in q
taxlcab the old man had to pay for"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Bad for PATRONAGE.

How many movie theaters in CHG
gersville"
"Three," said Squire Witherbee,
Il suppose they are always crowd
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
HxKIa;EI!EZ ZEE 8
k~S0NkaM E~T~
kAEAluNES ~ =
90. 1920, Western Newspaper Union.)

In order to rid ourselves of dry,
lonesome monotony it is necessary to
have, personality and let it assert
itsslfN- Hunter.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Aew could sne2

Doctor-Decp breathing YOU UNDER
stand. destroys microbes.
4 Pati'nt Bait dsctor how can ~
force hem q breathe dseplyg
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Largely True.

''They have new car"
'''rhey have? They can't afford It,"
Il know; it's always the people who
can't afford them who are buying cars
nowadays"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Confidence.

"You know this movie didn't cost
$1,O00,0O0."
I'm not prepared to argue that
question:" replied the eminent pro-
ducer.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

Not always. Sometimes the Ladies'
Upllft society recommends a film and
business falls off considerably"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
FOODS IN SEASON.

A most delicious serving of ice
cream is the following:
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
sEAsoNA6LE DISHES.

There are so many delicious fall
vegetables that one may have some
thing different without
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
A CALL-DOWN

A CALL-DOWN
Obnoxious Football Player: Look
here, coach, there are two fellows
not fit to be on our/team at all.
Coach (ca'nly): That so? Who's
the other. .-,~
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

INVITATION TO THE DANCE
"Shades OF Chesterfield! What an
Invitation to the dance"
what did the young man say to
the girl, Colonei7" a-a1'
'Come on. kid, lets Jazz"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Misleadina Applause.

The orator the public notes
And to applause Is stirred:
And yet some chap will get the votes
Who scarcely said q word.
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

r THEY ALL DO THAT 4
u understand your husband aIves
you plenty Of money"
mo. What said was, my hue.
Oand thinks he gives me plenty"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
James, Are You slinninn3

SsWesI are you StPpinG7
She-James, dear; can you see the
moon?
He-Yes, dear!
She--Oh, James! Then you don't
love me any more!
He-Dont You know that love 10
blind?
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Service.

mot many old-fashioned housekeep-
ers left" declared the grocer.
"No?"
mo. Some Of our customers expect
us to supply dyed eggs for them"
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

Z Say no more. My publicity direc-
tor says it cost that much, and I'm
the last person in the world to doubt
his veracity."
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30

A TERRIBLE TASK
Joeko--Were you going with the
cannon balls?
Or. Monk-Cannon balls nothinrv
I'm taking pills to a sick elephant
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Air ls Free.

When profiteering is the rage
And prices will not fall,
The greatest boon for every age,
Fresh air is free to all,
Rockingham post-dispatch., 1922-11-30
Up to the Minute.

Up to the Minute.
SO your son Bill is going to iay
schooit' asked neighbOr Of Farme
Furleigh.
Yep" answered the farmer. "Bu
he don't pay no attention to his books
1 reckon mebbe he's goin' to be GA,
OF these unwritten lawyers I've rea,
about"
An Appropriate Title.
Perkins-I wonder why they name,
this picture theater the Beehive?
Parkin-Have you ever seen any q
their pictures?
"Never."
"Well, II you ever do yeu1l know
the reason, all right, because after eacl
one you feel as though you'd beel
stung !"-London Answers.
Services In Demand.
"How rich is Mr.. WadleighT'
"He must have q great deal o.
money"
g; !; :: e; :: =: !: !: : e. e: !:
The Big Expense.
What very stunning coat of arms.
I'm sure you ought TO he yerv nroud
Of IT.. '
awe are Rut ceoroo sors :. ,r,,,
i,mons;na,, p - y" '"e uoor u Tue
ayY,t.s
Why: because itS so lEtrlcateT
mo. Because we have to get the
limousine first.o
r---v.
I'M !! ~ $M AL la
M\@. ~ A-} IWlN7
TNANT ~ lW
! .&E%' MMT lU UGl
II WpX\ , HlA
l SAN q I ~ w
NAF NAW IM
/
- T.
u - wv
:. En.
INVITATION TO THE DANCE
"Shades OF Chesterfield! What an
invitation to the dance"
Wnat did the young man say to
s o'' N'o' 'ers Jazz"
u;,,..3is.. ..,-
Tba o,o,or 49, a',,,,o "rr~'
And to applause ,s stirred.
And yet some chap will get the votes
VINO scarcely said word.
-,
"'ent at t1ane.
49, 49, o.a,s 80 openl oo you KNOW
". m eoou ni"",4rs are
III just youF man.
e' he,e loi your CONSIDERATION the
-, pooh vi etiquette that was ever
P'"'''ie'.'
~. I've given up teiiing my wife any
s' ms
90 nave mine. 1t simply goes in
u u,e ear aiiu out at the other"
!. @ anat ISL me trouble with my wife.
:. soes ~ at one ear ana comes out of
'eA n'ou'h
m,o, s 81. o.en'
oi ,ihs' Mf' Douieish'
.. ooou morning, sr.
oouiu YOU 'enu iattle hnancial as
Asacc ..'a, ~ irielo!
-, naiks. l need
ourihs europe.
iheorri0ibIe.
Ieaeher ITO literary class)--N0w,
W. 'ae some woro axe Demoan.'"
rEst FuplI-beueW.
oecOnu Ditto-bedauD.
ahlfu DI.to-bespatter.
fourtn Ditto-Begorrai
,,,, AGeorclne 70 Quality. qua
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1922-09-04
JunIor Twilight League.
and Ray
Sweep Into Finals

Sharpless and Ray went into the
doubles finals in the Open City Tour
nament yesterday by defeating Gift
ford and Buracker in straight sets by
6-3; ga; ga. They win play the win
ners between Marsh Brierley and
Turner-Swindie, the finals match be-
ing played at three o'clock this aft
ernoon on the East Hill courts. Marsh
and Brierley win play Turner and
Swindle at eight o'clock this morn
ing.
Lund and Ray will play their consola-
ton match this afternoon. The finals
In the singles and the remainder of
the consolation matches will probably
be postponed until next Friday and
Saturday.