The Birmingham age-herald., 1922-03-21
Paints at Gas BilP"

He uurlnS these Lenten days is one lonk sweet dream" said Peggy as she stretched herself comfortably back in great arm chair in front ot the fire few mornings ago, and set tied hefself for heart to heart" talk with me and one of her blood relatives\ .
 T wonder why the pessImists rail against it sop calmly asked.
 "oh, merely because they've got an ineursble groueh,' said Peggy
 And no sooner had she delivered this edifying remark than the door bel, rang and the maid handed her the gas bill Peggy gave one glance at it and threw up heehands and as- sumed posture that looked to me peculiarly like fsinting fit.
 What does this mean?" she walled. Can the gas company think I am millionaire? Why, 1 have certainly got the wrong bill This one must be- long to the people in the four story house across the way Surely not to my humble little fye-room apartment I'll have none of this, and l shall im- mediately call up the gas company"
 To which the blood relative and I assented silently, knowing that this WAS no time to talk.
 As she made ready to phone she flung the bill across the table and the blood relative" having the temerity to finally utter several parts of speech, said soothing1y:
 This is undoubtedIy Vour own hill It is made out plainly with your hus- bands initials, and think you'll make a goose of yourself if you call up the gas company"
 But Peggy. nothing daunted called up the gas company, and after much red tape as to this department and that, and the other. she finally got in 1 communication with what sounded like a disembodied voice, which with the aid probably of disembodied eyes, assured her that the amount of her indebtedness to the company was pre- cisely as the figures represented Then" said Peggy, in sepulchral tone, send man out here to take out my kitchen range. for l know it leaks outrageously."
 Nothing if not prompt, the man from the gas company was Johnny on- the-spot," and Peggy, confiding to the blood relative" and me, that never more would she hold converse with gas and it's doings, hied herself to the kitchen to see the gas man take out the range.
 Tt does leak" said Ire, in the most delightfully."- assuaging tone dt's a way gas men have). "The handles are too loose and they allow a bit of gas to escape"
 ] And as she received this delectable news, Peggy, who was about to send up peals Thanksgiving heard him say:
 By tightening them you will save at least 20 cents a month.'
 Take out the meter" cried Peggy | forthwith, and there's no telling what else she would have said. but just at this moment the ''blood relative" handed her the electric light bill, which in her excitement she had dropped on the library floor.
 T shall use coal oil lamps" said Peggy furiously, ''and let gas and i electricity alone forever"
 Let me see,'t she continued pond ering, "one for the library, the two bedrooms. the dining room, the hall and the chldren's room-six in all"
 They say oil is frightfully expen- sive." said I.
 And do hate John D. terribly be- cause he's so rich" said the blood relative. but still our mission in life 1 is to fill the coffers of some trust, l suppose"
 ! After lunch Peggy and the "blood | relative were invited out to play bridge, one of those nice little quiet Lenten parties that don't get in the papers, and no sooner had they ar rived and seated themselves, instead of busying herself with making it mo trumps' and criticising her visa wis, who with king, jack and ten did not lead the ten. Peggy started an ani- mated discussion of the subject with which her mind was heavily laden. namely, gas, electricity and coal oil \ lamps.
 "The amount of gas you burn has nothing whatever to do with your bill" said a big, fat. red woman at the select little party. Last month we were invited out nearly every night You know how gay it was, and when we'd get home we moved about like spooks through dimly i lighted corridors. Turning out the | light in one room just as soon as we left it, and never lighting another un- | til it was absolutely necessary. and our bill was larger than ever before. This month l am going on the sup position that the amount of the bill will be smaller according as the amount of electricity consumed is larger and our house looks every night like we are giving big party "Our bill for gas for the month of March, I suppose, will be at least sI0" said Peggy dejectedly. Think of that, and it's Lent. too. and we go to bed every night with the chickens By regular arithmetical progression it will be $50 by December
 Our electric light bill for last month was sS and we were very care ful,' sighed a forlorn looking bridge player who looked like shed never sat up after S:3o since she'd been married.
 "Wen,I wish 1t was like the little | boy said" observed the only sninster | in the crowd. It's fine at our house, said he We don't have to pay noth ing tall for light, cause mas got Electricity in her hair and granny's got gas on her stomach.''
 "Our gas bill for January was ex- actly s7.50." said Mrs. Newly Wed, ThhkhCTT XIl DN1DInK