The Washington times., 1922-06-04

wv 30 NV SoAAyAu6 Caftocc VI
! headaches to and fro, and
statistics regarding this smoke
boat are Intriguing, as they say in
the classics. 5 Make you wonder
what the worlds largest boat Of ten
years from now will look like.
This ship will stand 50 high cz.
Of the water that II you are stand.
ing on the bridge you cannot see q
tugboat that is nosing her around
without using spyglass. Tug
boats whistle won't be heard by
passengers on the upper deck. Tug
boat captain will have to signal
liners captain by wireless.
Steamship will be so long that Il.
passenger starts at the stern I'm
wheelchair when ship leaves South.
ampton he can, by running eighty
miles an hour, reach the bow Just
rs she is pulling into New York
harbor.. When deckhands are haul
ing in stern lines on leaving South
smpton, other deckhands in bow are
1assoing . tug in New York bay
Entire crew never In one country!
at same time. Half in England, half
IN America.
When captain wants to inspect
his ship he will have to do It In an,
airplane in order to get to the stern,
and back before he reaches Quaran-,
tine. She will be so fast that she
will make all the water in steam
ship lane boil. Gulf Stream will
seem cold by comparison. Lobsters
will be boiled In their native els-
rnent and float ashore ready to be,
eaten.
Water will be so hot after big
Boat passes through It that they
will wash all the clothes by tossing,
them over the stern in a large net,
accompanied by a barrel OF soft
soap-softsoap to be furnished by
press agents.
Smokestacks will be so large that
four subway trains could pass
through them abreast and subway
passengers will feel perfectly at
home. Man standing beside one Of
these smokestacks will feel as small
ss a Chinese delegate at, Washing
ton conference. Smoke from theset
stacks in three minutes would |
make city the size Of New Rochelle
look like Pittsburgh. It will take
1883 barrels of oil to drive this
ship seven miles, which Will make
Mr.. Rockefeller feel very sore, In
deed. II he is still alive by then. !
Upper deck of this worlds great,
est ship will be so large she can
park battleship Pennsylvania for q
lifeboat.
II q man tries to commit suicidel
by jumping from top deck when
boat leaves New York he will not
hit the water until she reaches
Southampton, and then he is liable
to land on the dock. Sleeping ac-I
commodations on this boat would !!
accommodate the entire member
ship at last seventeen sessions Of
Congress-, and the bathroom cal
pacity would answer the require
ments Of the entire Russian army
including Trotzky.
When ship encounters icebergs
on a trip the stewards crew will
lassoo icebergs and drop them into
the cracked-ice tanks under the bar,
for mixed-drink purposes. The bar
will have a brass rail In front that
would reach from Newark, N. J., toi
Atlantic City and turn q corner by
the Glove dish. Bar is so long the
bartenders have to go up and down
inside of It on motor cycles. Aftor
spending evening In the bar. pass
enger goes to his stateroom in a
taxicab.
Ship viii have steerage deck,
main deck, saloon deck, promenade
deck, poop deck, quarter deck, hur-
ricane deck and lat pinochle decks.
There will be accommodations fo:I
all classes OF passengers, from the
sublime to the ridiculous. Nine
hundred and eighty-six actresses
can eif An ths ratl at ona TINA fol