The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1922-08-02

CALLING attention TO the nuplaIS OF Ray
S. Partridge of Rock Island and Miss Mary
Grub of Kewanee, Gaddis makes facetious
reference to 1.-THE early bird, etc" Others may
be interested in knowing that the cartridges
have built their mast on Twelfth street and
Thirty first avenue.
A Subtle Use Of the Asteffsk.
[By Gaddis out Of the Bloomington
Paragraph
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Campbell and
daughter, Miss Virginia Sue, Miss Fran
ces Sue, Miss Frances Wood, Of New
London, Dr. v. NJ Campbell of Hannibal
and H. Edwards left Tuesday morn
ing in sautos for the ozarks, where they
will camp and spend three or four weeks
hunting and fishing.
T'oTHER day we picked up diary which
seems to be the property of a local schoo1boy.
We should be glad to return it to him. Per-
haps if we quote few excerpts it may aid in
Identification. Lissen:
Monday 6-Arose at 7:30. Went to school
as usual Am having hard time with my
arithmetic Wrote all kinds Of otesno to F. r.
THE hog Latin explains the mathematical diff
ficulties.]
Tuesday Got up at 7:3O. Smashed
mama's brown hat but she Strengthened it up
"Wednesday s.. Nothing much hap
pened today. But got to quit on that cussed
footstool at M. T.
Thursday 3. Doubtful about my
school work
Monday 10. Very doubtful about
my school work"
And that's as far as we can 60. We're cur
ious to know If the boys doubt about his school
work was well founded.
THE GOOTLE TRADE.
Editorial in the Double Dealer.J
l want someone to lend me money so
can set up gootle factory. We will rise to
opulence beyond the dreams Of Midas in the
gootle trade.
The unfortunate death of Ambrose Bierce
nine years ago deprived the inventor of the
gootle of the legitimate rewards of his in
genuity, as that champing war-horse of autoc-
racy, had he lived little longer would I'M
doubtedly have established factory of his
own. But he is out of the runningIGod rest
his turbulent soul!-and l call ON some enter
prising gentleman to provide little capital for
the manufacture Of this neglected commodity.
"a gootle," as defined by its lamented in
ventor, "is a metal weight to be attached to
the tail of a donkey to keep him from bray
Ing" Donkeys, he had conclusively proved,
| cannot bray without raising their tails.)
| l wish to manufacture gootles and enter,
also. the retail trade The horrible need for
COOLIES is evident throughout the common
wealth. The field for our salesman is I'M
bounded. The sky is the limit, my dear sifs,
and should be selling gootles at the rate
of million a week in very short order.
i 1t is impossible to minify the number of
! prospects. One can begin, of course, with
Congress, an FL Dorado in itself We can ex-
tend our sales campaign to a myriad Volstead-
ians. In the pastures OF politics thousands
languish for Coolies And beyond these rich
fields? Well, the Knights of God trooping in
the armies of Uplift; the Bench; the Anti
Tobacco League; the Society for the Suppress
sion of Sodas; the Past Grand Masters Of the
Flamboyant F1amingoes; the Shining Inacces-
sibles''; the Ancient Orders of Goose; the CO.
hcrts of Cuckoo and Dada and Psychoanalysis:
the Guardians of the Higher learning: the
American Academy Of Arts and Letters
The number Of prospects who await only
the suave approah OF our statesmen is stagrer-
ing-it verges on the fabulous mathematics
OF 1nfnity We can rise, my dear sirs. to
wealth beyond the dreams Of Cresus in the
gootle trade.
Except for one difficulty admitting which
withdraw. None Of these prospects knows he
needs gootle. None OF them would buy.
YESTERDAY people in Cleveland began
riding street cars for scent fare. Dear us 1!
the traction company in Cleveland must bs
losing great deal Of money.
FLOWERS FOB LIE M0QUEUR
| Count that night lost whose B. C.OE.
| Views from thy pen no bit Of xestful mirth.
Dear lie Moq: Your Information
Like the news from Russias nation)
Still requires an explanation
| What you b.
I As for me, I'm pretty certain,
| The identity you're skirtin',- ~
! While with sexes you are hirtin.-
You are she.
| But of this I'm not mistaken:
| Someone's heart you'll sure be breakin,.
There Is evidence you're maxim
Quite some hit
| For. though mp or down your collar.
Peg and Scam. you two please foller)
| Will bet my last round dollar
| You are II!
| I. TIMOTHY.
HERE, dearly beloved. is one sweetly sol.
smn thought to take to bed with you tonight.
Whether they. strike or whether they don't.
Whether they settle or whether they won't.
Whether its calm Of whether It blows.
whether II rains W.Vhather It SHOWS,
Whether the nigheluks. The san to rout