davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Accommo, ltind.

els this blueberry or raspberry pie,
waiter2"
"Whichever you ordered, sir"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
SANDER.

The Rattlesnake-I don't see why
they call submarines and poison gas
vipers. always rattle.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Choice Of Evils

CNOtCo OF EVuO
"Why do you want to marry during
your nrs. seascn?" "Td rather be
-seeSSldssd -seStdAsssa hSsbatd aasb than 4 chaps-
ron."-Life.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Sheffield II.

North-"We have but one pocket
book In our family" West-"Does
your wife ever give you any money r
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Far From I'll

"Was that your wife I saw you with
last night3" az should say noti That
was friend Of mine"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Can't Refuse This xne,

Professor-"What do you use fuse
for?" Student-"To burn out."-Sci-
ence and Invention.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
4 SCHOOL CONFERENCE
+ PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH

The program for the Chesterfield
unity Sunday School Superinten-
Conference to be held at the
|ytef2an Church in Chesterfield
|Tuesday, January 10, has been
Completed and everything is ready for
The meeting.
Among the subjects that will be
discussed are: How to Increase the
Membership and Attendance" "How
to Make the Sunday School Program
Z Interesting and Helpful" "How to
kSeclxA Trained Teachers" and
the Pupils to Christ"
rrintendent, Leon C. Pal
6unces that all necessary
s, cards, charts, record blanks,
literature for putting into effect
se new plans will be furnished free
each superintendent attending the
difference.
Beginning promptly at II 100 A. NJ.
the conference will 20 right to work
and every moment will be filled until
! adiourning time, 800 P. M.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
BEST OF HUMOR
Perfectly Frank.

"Wfs at an awful cash you Save on
your f1reheadw r. "Oh, next to nothing"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05

Have you heard today's gOssipr
"No, haven't"
'Then I guess there isn't any,"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Out o. PikoA

~It's no fool Job. i tell you"
"Then why undertake itr'-Boston
Transcript.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
hIa Reply.

Lavinsky-"Which is the biggest dia-
mond In the worldr skivinsky-~The
Cohen-noor, Of course"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Another Viewpoint.

Beginner (after repeated faiiHTeSf-
"Funny game. golf" Caddie-~"T "Taint
meant to be"-Punch.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Give Him Time.

"Isn't Charley Castleton one Of
Adele's former husbandsf'
"Not yet."-Life.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
sl'LINITERs.

~4 SPLINTERS
The Sen is mightier than the fne.
Hope deferred gives one cold feet.
Most chesty men are narrow minded.
Greatest fault Of conscience 10 tardi-
One never suspects" himself; hs
knows.
Indolence and slovenliness are bosom
friends.
Rich men rarely have frivolous
opinions. .
An ant IL praised. but q butterfly
10 admired.
A successful man never admits he
had any luck.
So much common sense consists In
saying nothing.
Every sensible pneumococcus loves
a closed window.
It's easier to collect q crowd than q
dollar fer charity. -
A summer garden knows FIRST when
autumn is coming.
Humbugs multiply ss fast as any
other kind Of bugs.
The middle aisle is the most salts
factory bridal path.
Let's be thankful. Our blessings out
number our troubles.
In danger Of becoming obsolete:
II beg your pardon"
But the omnibus driver draws the
line at stage money.
In every vote Of confidence there Is
some silent dissidence.
It's pretty easy to be liberal with
other peoples money.
Modesty 10 virtue that many peo-
pie would Diush IL own.
How we dislike to pay for things
we have had the use Of.
Every man possesses something that
some other man envies.
The rising generation ought to
patronize aviation schools.
Amiability often invites imperti-
nenee; but risk 1t, anyway.
No matter how good your credit
may be, your cash is better.
The pocketbook- ls the most pssSdiar pssSditar
ha6sEs1 1h1a6E, SGT not the bes. seller.
When a man says "rn think 1t
over" he has alrsady decided.
Speech is truly free only when the
vast majority want to hear 1t.
Some fortunes remain unmade be-
cause they are too much trouble.
The fewer friends man has the
more popular he Is with himself.
Poverty often pinches the body and
wealth sometimes pinchss the soul.
One who predicts thunderstorms
isn't necessarily a lightning calculator
Some elopements are due to the fact
that there are no wedding presents In
Sight.
lot but can hardly ever write 1t in q
letter.
To be truly out Of the world is
never to hear any Of the risque
stories.
II will generally be found that one
has Iess faith IN exercise than he has
In medicins.
Don't tell your hard luck story to
the other felfow--he may be waiting
to tell his.
Most Of the upiifts fail because the
uplifters are mad at the folks they
want upiifted.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
Or Much Of Her.

'Ciothes do not proclaim the man.
mo. but they often reveal the
woman"
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05

Somehow. the average man doesn't
feel called upon to worry over the
loss Of his neighbours money.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05

Aren't there people you are afraid
Of, oven though you can't help laugh
ing at their sarcasfns7
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05

After man has been married three
or four years the Romeo and Juliet
balcony scene makes him weary.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05

Some Of the strange bedfellows Glat
politics makes, are enough to make
one lie awake nights.
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1922-01-05
CAMPAIGN TO BE
LAUNCHED THIS MONTH

Columbia, Jan. BACKED by the
endorsements of the executive coun-
- and agricultural committee of the
South Carolina Bankers Association
&nd four of the district groups of the
association, and by leading farmers
and business men in every county,
Every active campaign for signatures
to the cotton cooperative marketing
o1rtEact will be launched in January
in practically - cotton growing
county in the sfSt The ~s:mr.,ign
will continue until contracts repre-
senting 100000 bales are signed up.
The rganization committee has until
May 1 in which to sign the necessary
number but hopes to be able to get
, 1922-12-05
The Euil Spirits

DERIoDS of business depression have occurred
L from time to time, ever since industry and
business became organized to such a degree that
people, instead of supplying all their own wants
have exchanged goods and services and thus be.
came dependent upon each other. As industry has
become more highly specialized, bringing the PEG.
pie of all countries into trading relations, and par
ticularly as the use of credit has developed, these
periods have become more pronounced and demon
alizing. They are due fundamentally to the fact
that a complicated organization is more likely to
get out of order than one of few parts. These con
ditions are fully recognized by the economists of
all countries and by practical people of experience.
Such people understand that these periods of dis
turbance are disastrous to all business, because
they reduce the volume of the exchanges and cur
tail the earnings of every kind of business
In every such period of disturbance there are
recognize that one of the readjustments to which
the system is subject is under way, that the nor
NAL balance in the exchanges has been disturbed,
and that individuals must adjust themselves to the
general situation; and, on the other hand, those
who forthwith conclude that some mysterious and
pernicious influence is at work of which they ere
the chosen victims. This hallucination is the nat
ural successor in primitive minds of the once COM
mon belief that invisible spirits ruled over the for
tunes of men. 1t used TO be thought that nothing
ever happened to a man that had not been brought
about by these spirits, and it was thought well TO
retain the services of a medicine man. of some
sort who was able to deal with them. These 'med.
icine men, have their successors in some of the
politicians of the present day, and the faith in
their lamentations is very we'll illustrated by faith
in the legislation commonly proposed for the relief
of business depression.
, 1922-12-05
The Lack of Confidence

THE STOCK MARKET, which is quick TO sense
L developments mfavOrable TO orderly business
progress has shown decided weakness since early
in November. railroad shares leading in the de.
cline. Although the country is evidently suffering
from the inadequacy of railroad facilities, due to
the fact that railroad investments no longer com.
mnnd the confidence of the public, one of the OBJ
icctS of the revived agitation is the repeal of the
transportation act defining what, in the opinion
of the legislative authority, is a fair return upon
railroad property. Nothing more would be required
to make the railroad situation hopeless. Railroad
service cannot be had without the facilities, and
these cannot be had unless the investing public is
assured of a return corresponding to what can be
had in other fields of investment One view com.
monty held at the sources of this agitation seems
10 be that the railroads are owned by a few rich
bankers who are able to put their hands in their
pockets for all the money needed to provide the
however, are not owned by bankers: the owner
additional capital only as it believes the invest
ment to be safe.
A large amount of money has been raised for
equipment recently by borrowing on the part Of
the companies. thus creating new liabilities ahead
of the stock. This is Just like putting a second
mortgage on a farm. This process cannot be car
ried indefinitely because the margin of safety
grows smaller. Proper financing of the railroads
requires that approximately one-half of the cap.
ital shall be represented by capital stock: in other
words, that proportion should be proprietary cap.
ital, in order TO Obtain favorable terms upon Dor.
rowed money. Very little new capital has been
raised for railroads by that means recently.
, 1922-12-05
The Glorious West.

WHf should Americans journey TO Europe TO find
W natural scenery, curative springs, or enjoy
ment? They can find all these in greater variety
in America than they can find them elsewhere on
earth.
The great American west provides everything a
touri't could possibly find IN Europe. with great
saving 20 The e~xchequer and with equal If not
superior facilities for comfort and real enjoyment.
1t is said that European travel is declining.
although there are still some who 20 there 10 see
the effects of the war, and others. perhaps, to visit
the resting place of kindred who fell on foreign
battlefields.
There is no reason why the west should no. he
CONF increasingly popular for travel from other
sections of the country and from foreign lands
The scenery is on even grander scale than else.
where, there are attractions even mode varied than
can be found on any other continent. Hotels and
stopping accommodations ar, e~verywher. pro.
vided. roads and transportation ere unexrA:!ci and
hospitality and reasonable charges are the rule.
The various medicinal springs found in n wide
expanse of country are we'll improved and ample
provision made for the care and entertainment
of guests.
One particular feature of western entertainment
Is the dude ranch. TO he found everywhere west
of the Missouri river. 1t is n novelty TO eastern
erS and foreigners alike. Here, life is lived in the
open and after the manner of the natives. Health
is renewed and years prolonged by a season spent
on any one of these ranches And people in the
east who have made the discovery have spent many
succeeding summers on the same ranch.
Europe hasn't n thing on Western America. and
the world is finding it out.
, 1922-12-05
Three Sorts of Husbands

There are three kinds of husbands:
h husband who e with her and
goes in. the husband who goes with
her but waits outside and the hus.
band who doesn't go with her at all.
The reason for this classification is
h inexplicable wish on the part of
nearly every wife TO have her help.
meet with her when she goes shop
ping.
Women who are not ordinarily con-
spicuous for their connubial affection
reveal. when shopping time comes. a
most unreasonable desire for the com
pany OF their lawful welded spouses.
The third type-the who doesn't
&C at all-is. OF course. the kind of
person every married man would like
to be but rarely is.
Nor is the second to be scorned. He
compromises. It is true. but It may be.
as he would argue, that this compro-
mise Is justified. The Little Lady
really needs somebody to help her
carry all those bundles and things.
and only a boor would refuse 10 help
his own mate when he had the chance.
So he consents % trotting around
with her.
But here his concessions end. AT
h entrance to each shop his obliga-
tons are temporarily dissolved. He
takes one look In ut the seething.
shrilly chattering mass OF bargain
, 1922-12-05

prepared in having a large number Of fighting
ships and an adequate standing army. Those who
bold this view point to the difficulty Of assembling
fighting forces II an emergency requiring them
SHOULD ever arise.
There is, however, another view which is, per.
haps, the one which gets 20 the fundamentals of
The question. II is the view recently taken by
high government officials regarding the training of
the youth Of the country. They rontcnd. and right
y so. that the youth Of the United States should
b" trained in the fundamentals 81 military tactics.
30 that the widest possible provision aud prOtec-
ton Of the country will he made.
Aside from the preparedness phase, there is the
point that trimming of Young men will prove ono
~ tho greatest assets the country can possess
Physical fitness is essential to the successful pros
ecu'iou Of the business Of the nation. If America
is 70 retain her place as the foremost nation in
regard TO the unlimited resources she has. IL will
require able men to do II. The experience nj the
draft revealed the many physical defects which
existed among our young men because OF the made
Tug"y Of attention which had been given 10 phys
iral Development. This should I've guarded against
in the future. The best way to prevent its contin
nance is 10 see to il that the coming generation
viii he free from physical defects of former gen
crrtions.
, 1922-12-05
Simply Requires Conf
dence

The best way TO carve a chick
en- when there is company at dinner
Is to take it out in the back yard and
put your foot on It and use a cold
chiSel. ByJ. inasmuch as this method
is oonsS<sd rather bizarre, let Us
consider the next mos popular
method chat is. carving with n knife
in the dining.room, in full view OF the
audiencel and formulate two or three
rules of conduct.
Rule /. When everybody is seated
and the entire company has turned
toward you TO watch you make a fool
OF yourself. rise suddenly from your
chair, seize a sharpening steel in n
hand and your carving knife in the
other "A m commence TO strike violent
.ly against each other ns II you were
fighting a duel with yourself. Keep
carrying on like this for about four
or five minutes, or until YOU cut your
thumb off, or YOU wife fsints with
fear. Then stop md do whatever
seems right TO do next.
The reason for this is psychological.
II is a tacit informing OF the company
that they can ave confidence in YOU.
that you know a thing or two about
carving, thnt they need not fear you
will do something TO shove the chick
en- off the platter into one OF their
laps before the carving is over. i;
you can get your company into this
frame of mind. o will find that
something of the same confidence will
speak into your own mind.
Rule .. Get off a Joke. Get off
any kind o. a joke. Even a pun. Yes.
even a conundrum. Or, better than
nothing, a charade.
why Psychology again. You sec
II is sometimes possible to get n set
of guests in such a frenzy OF CONT
dence in your ability to a chick
en- without hitting them with it tha;
they will actually start up a CONVEX
sation among themselves and turn
away from you. and leave you to at
tack that hen all by yourself.
And then what. Why, then, when
you are pretty sure they are not look.
ing you can lay down your knife and
fork and use your bare hands. ANY
body that can't carve a chicken with
his bare hands has no right in a din
Ing room.
Rule 8. After the chicken is carved
deal it out in such a manner thu;
there will be something left over q
kitty. SO h a you can ask a guest to
have a econd helping without hav
ing to give him h platter to lick. o.
all the rules this one is the most IN
portant. Fol there is nothing tina
will more surely destroy the delicate
aplomb of a social situation than tC
give a guest the platter to lick. i
YOU do not believe this. try it ant
see.
, 1922-12-05

seekers and says quietly but firmly.
I'm walt out here for you. dear
He IL not TO be shaken from his
stand. II Is all very well TO be polite
he contends. but there comes n point
when p%oliteness begins TO bear a sus-
p.cious resemblance 10 lapdogism. and
est short OF this point h husband
II n second class stops and declines
to be budGed further.
Thus you will see them. on sstur-
day afternoons particularly. in front
OF tho women's shops. grimly grip
ping previous purchases n keeping
n keen weather eye open for the ex.
pected return of wife. This last is
especially important, since not sven
the Oldest veterans among In hus-
bands of the second class can estI.
mate how long a given woman will
remain in a given store.
Some are self-conscious. but most Of
them arc accustomed to It. Often the
berfU1ngs of friendships are made
durilE the time the all powerful Mrs.
takeE 20 decide between the short
ones with the blue border md the
long plain ones. No doubt the store
of the future will contain a smoking
room near the entrance where hus-
bands may be conveniently checked
and n sort OF an electric carriage call
system whereby they may be re.
laimed when needed.
As for the first type OF husband.
dragged around frcm counter to
counter. he has but ono justification.
He supplies the humorists with a
! large slice of their material.
, 1922-12-05
Too Late | Stayed

Too late l stayet-forgive the crime
Cnheeded flew the hours
How noisless falls the foot Of Time
That only treads on flowers.
What eye with clear O remarks
The ebbing Of his glsss,
When eli i-s sands are diamond
sparks
That dazzle as they pass!
All! who to sober measurement
Times happy swiftness brings.
When birds OF Paradise nave lent
Their plumage for his wings!
William r. Spencer.
, 1922-12-05
Civic Obligations.

TASES and jury duty, though everybody admits
Il that the one should be paid and the other
done, have in them something from which human
nature revolts, instinctively md evades if it can.
All of us VIII utilize any legal method of lessen
ing taxes, and not "A few of us, alas! will go fur
ther than that, and substitute safety" for hon
esty' as setting the limits of what We will do
with that end in view.
1t is much the same with jury duty. The good
citizens obligation is obvious, yet practically every
good citizen will utilize every exemption the law
provides, and do it whether he believes the cNemp-
tion proper or not, and all too many citizens
otherwise fairly good will invent ingenious excuses
for escaping this form of public service, while some
will go even further and resort to downright lying,
IL only they can make the lies colorado to official
eyes.
Doing jury duty is often inconvenient and often
tiresome, but upon the doing of it by the proper
personally the honest and intelligent. that is
depends the protection Of life and property in every
civilized community.
Facts remain facts and the person who shuns
the jury box with less than a real reason is not
a good citizen in the best sense, and he is shirk-
ing a special duty he should be proud 10 perform.
, 1922-12-05
Dope and Dopesters

'Dopes differ from each other in
inglorIousness,' says the Washington
Post. There Is one righteousness of
the poppy products and another in
gloriousness for zach of the other
drowsy sirups or powders Of the East
and West. And then there is an IN
~glor,ousness for sport dope that is
in a class all oy itself. just as the
dopesters who. between shifts or puffs
or swallows or needle shots dream
OF things that W win be. go do
sporting dopesters, between games or
races or contests. picture many fu-
ture events that neve take place.
With the solemnity OF prophets 10
whom superior knowledge has re-
, 1922-12-05

vesied what Is TO Be. these eopestsrs
not only pick the winners on iomor-
rows grid ron or track CT In h
squared circle. but give detailed eK-
plantation Of their choices-that h
public MAJ see Tor itself that the fu-
ture al bring nc other outcome. But
the fAfes hat rule field and track and
circle have q way Of Ignoring sueh
Dope in making out their DEGREES.
Form Is all with h dopester. Be-
ause n horse won yesterday. they
nEure he will win today. Because a
team has made n better record during
a season or because II numbers
stronger mea. they pick Il to win
Because a prize fighters sasur
and performances suit their
fancy more than do those OF his
opponent. they name him In advance
as winner. While h bases OF the
, 1922-12-05
What We Want.

A PRoDUCERo Of motion pictures was DESTROYS of
n learning what the public wanted in the way
of movies. He put on an idea contest and invited
suggestions. He received some thirty thousand
replies to his inquiry. They came from every state
in the union, Canada, Mexico, France, England
and Australia
Analysed and crystaliEed, the concensus OF the
thirty thousand opinions can be narrowed down
to-we are tired of crooks and "young love" Give
us history and the Bible. Give us plays that deal
with married life, but cut out the eternal triangle.
There you have it from quite an audience, and it
reflects fairly what many times the size of the
audience reporting thinks.
The guess of one person Is perhaps as good as
the guess of any other person, for humanity is
pretty much the same the world over. In pictures
or in story the greatest appeal is in life We
may with propriety and should gloss over parts
of it and present it clean and attractive, but after
it is all said and done what we want is life.