The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1922-01-20
lonr-distance calIs cost money!"

WneelS Duzzing IOr Iaffs SO guess II
have to turn you over to the old man,
says /. And then pressed the but.
| ton that connected up the main works
held the receiver to my ear while
went on figuring with the other hand
didn't get very far cause there was
some things that the old man began
to whisper over the wire that he
shouldn't have said, cause there's
girls in the telephone exchange; but
he kept me laughing 80 that was
most afraid he'd hear me through the
partition. Then everything was quiei
for minute, only ! could hear the old
mans pen scratching as he went "a
| figuring. In about four minutes the
main guy yelled out loud enough to be
heard down at the corner:
what sort of a damphool PROPOSE
ton is this anyhow? Wait min
ute until call our boolSkeeper. He's
our figuring expert"
Well, all this time had been ciph-
ering along and had Tom to run
anywhys from % inches up to Az feet
6 inches; and / had begun wondering
how wide he was, when the book
keeper rushed out of the old mans Of
flee with his hair standing on end and
asked the blonde stenographer- the
one that does her hair up in q bun,
chews gum and spends all of her time
when the boss is out telling about
what dead swell party she was to the
night before last--you know the girl
l mean. Well, the bookkeeper telled
her about it and they started to
scrawl their calculations.
Then l heard the man at the far
end of the line snap out: "Weil, do
get that casket, or don't I?'
"Sure you get it. We have it ON the
train" says the old man, soothing
like. "Promptness is our motto, ano
we never disappoint customer"
"Good," says the guy, and he rings
off.
"Pete," the old man yells to me,
"just take this memo. and go down to
the shipping clerk and tell him to get
that half-couch out right away. It's
to be silver gray with"
eyes, SIR" butts in. "What size?'
"Size? Size? Yes, that's so; that's
so! What size shall it be-"
Then the old man humps himself ov-
er the desk and starts again. | could
hear him muttering: "12 inches to the
foot and 6 feet make 70 inches divid-
ed by makes SO inches, multiplied by
-
"Say, Pete,' he most cries finally,
"is my roof leaking or is yours?
What size is that internal ccsllet,
anyhow"
"Well, / made it," says /, kinder re-
spectful-like, but keeping on the other
side of the desk, so I could dodge it
he begun to heGve things st me. 81
inade-I made it 8 feet inches the
last time / figured it. Say. that
weren't the side-show of the circus
calling up telling you the giant was
dead, were it'?"
"No, no; that can't be right" he
grcwls, because Bill was six-footcr
and Bill had been growing two inches
to Toms one, and Tom-no, Bill, ]
mean--say, where was II"
"You was just a-saying," remarks,
"that Bill was tiwce as long as Tom
was when Toni should say Gill, was
as tall as Tom was when Tom was as
old as Bill"
"What?"
"Well, sir, you see, sir, amt been
to school for two years now" says |,
"No," says the boss, Fits this way"
Then he gets out his memo. pad and
reeds it off again. "Now, don't you
see?" says he.
Sure" says l, that's as clear as
mud"
The old man looked at me for min
ute and then says. says he: Just
about, Petey, just about" Then he
yells out to the bookkeeper: "Say,
Specks, how tall do you make Toni"
Then the bookkeeper, who is a per-
feet lady, even if he does wear pants,
says: Excuse me, but me and the
stenographer's just been having
words. She makes out Tom to be 10
inches tall, and I'll swear he's at least
IL feet, 'cording to the figures you
gave me-"
whats that?" says the old man.
ELEVEN feet? Is that the kind of a
cipherer I've got working on my
books? No wonder you couldn't get
the ledger to balance last month!
You'd better stake yourself to a course
at the night school or hire a nine-
year-old kid to do the figuring, eh,
Pete?"
Just then the stenographer butts in:
pardon me-" she says, "but Pm--I'm
not just positive that Is inches is ex-
actly right, but I've got gentleman
friend that works in bank, and he
says | have a perfectly splendid fig
ure-no, l mean to say that he says
that am perfectly splendid with
figures, and I'm sure it amt very far
from Is inches, anyhow"
"Oh! it amt, amt it," says the old
man. "Well, of course, a trifling mat
ter like foot or two doesn't make any
difference in a casket. If the body's
too short, the undertaken can pull the
leg of the corpse instead of the family,
and if it's too long, he can double it