The Washington times., 1922-04-06
Today
Who're Are the Kings?
No Woman Clowns.
Descended From Donkeys
The Engineers Eye.
BRISBANE
Copyright. 1s27.)

| wv @'&usoOs . ~yS
lI-By ARTHUR BRIsBANk-l
Copyright. 1s2s)
Where are the kings Of 1914?
You could add a verse to Vii
Ions question:
"Ou est le preu1 Charlie
ntugne"
Before the war. according to
Frank Munsey's own figures.
forty-one royal dynasties ruled
various nations. Only seven
teen are left to mourn the death
Of Charles Of Austria and hope
that his son will be permitted
as em ror to continue the ca
reer of Hapsburg fizzle and
failure.
The war was a curse. but il
something could do for mosqui-
toes. rats, mice. white ants. and
the tse-tse fly what the war did
for royalty. it would be welcome
at any reasonable price.
A philosopher wonders why
women will do anything dam
gerous in the circus. but are
never clowns. An old circus
man says it is because women
hate to be laughed at. He is
mistaken. A clown must get
rid of all his dignity. And for
a woman, fortunately. that is
impossible. Try as she may,
there always remains something
human. dignified. reserved. No
red spots on her cheeks. pointed
cap on her head. or ridiculous
clothes can change it. She can
not be a clown. Nature never
intended it. Man, good clown.
came first. Then came woman
and dignity.
Prof. Conklin. Of Princeton,
says Bryan's preaching on evo-
luton is "buffoonery." 1t is
not that. Mr.. Bryan seeks new
issues. and has found one--bet-
ter than 16 to 1. Nobody in
politics will dare contradict him.
Mr.. Bryan is defending God
against Charles Darwin. La
marck. Wallace, Huxley and
Haeckel. This defense Of Om-
impotence against it's tiny crea
lures is applauded by great
crowds. A few perhaps Won
der that Omnipotence should
need Mr.. Bryan's defense against
the five evolutionists. since Om-
impotence created them. knew
exactly what they were going
to say, and allowed it.
Mr.. Bryan. sincere. is doing
useful work, collecting great
crowds, and making some Of
them think without hurting the
others that agree with him. He
will turn many to the study Of
biology, which is all that is
needed. Eventually he may
conclude. as others have done
long since. that the trouble with
humans is not that they are
descended from monkeys. but
that so many are descended
from donkeys.
The Wolverine. fast train be-
tween New York and Chicago,
was flying at top speed toward
a pile Of steel pipe and heavy
timbers criminally put on the
track. William Otis, engineer,
watching every foot of the road.
saw the barricade. slowed down,
prevented derailment and the
killing Of his passengers.
1t was not the president,
board of directors. efficiency ex-
pert, or the ladies and gentle
men that draw dividends with
out working, that saved those
passengers. 1t was the eye of
that engineer, who is constantly
told by railroad owners and
their newspapers that the way
to make railroads prosperous is
to cut the pay of railroad work
ers.
The travelling public might re-
member that.
The school superintendent Of
Atlantic City says school teach
ers mustn't have hair bobbed; it
is not dignified.
WHY? Isn't a lady with hair
cut short able to wash it without
sitting for two hours with the
back Of her head against radi-
ator as respectable as Mile. Cleo
de Merode, with heavy hair
draped around her ears and a
Belgian king in her record?
School officials should not
have Chinese ideas of the old
kind. They thought it undigni-
fled to go without a queue down
to the waist. and couldn't toler-
ate a woman that didn't squeeze