davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
Something to Think About
BY Fabio Dean.

Two royal princesses, Sis
ters aged twenty-three and
twenty-six, desire friendship
and eventually m arriag
after mutual tests, with Eng
nsh or American gentlemen,
who must be young, wealthy
and handsome, especially not
upstarts or newly rich"
THIs advertisement appeared
= in an Austrian newspaper.
II I were unmarried and could
ill the bill I think I'd take a
chance on the younger sister,
Just to show what I think Of
Advertising. I'm afraid, how.
ever. I'm only an upstart be-
cause my grandfather was. a
laborer and my wealth is so new
that II hasn't quite taken shape.
And I would be taking q chance
because how do I know whether
she Is good-looking and amiable
and hugable and kissable? May
be- she's fat or skinny and
naughty and wants her break
last in bed or would kick IL I
stayed out nights.
But what q revelation this
advertisement brings of the
change that has taken place in
this world! Princesses Of royal
blood, descended from a line Of
ancestry that ruled by divine
right" that claimed closer rela-
ton with the Deity than we
common mortals possess, that
lorded It for generations over
their fellow-beings. putting an
"ad" in a newspaper-object
matrimony.
What q failin g-off was
therer'
When q balloon bursts. the
shell falls Imply to the ground.
When kings. kaisers and czars
are dethroned or shot or guillo-
tined and monarchy Is sup
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
STUDYING IN
EUROPE
BY BUGS" BAER
oopyr4sat isaa. b. Star Company.

THERE is no trouble in Eu-
= rope. But they're practicing
for It.
COME cannon calisthenics are
~ being published in Turkey.
Some delicate bayonet-prodding
is going on In Russia Ireland
IL doing just enough shooting to
keep its franchise.
pATHER than forfeit its en-
~ trance fee in next world
war, Poland Is painting target
rings on it's neighbor's back and
encouraging infants to hate be-
fore they creep.
TROUBLE with those foreign
nations Is that they're too
close to Europe. Arsenals are
musical conservatories and they
play Home, Sweet Home" on
triggers, instead of pianos.
GOOD thing we don't send our
~ kids over there to be edu-
Gated any more.
REMEMBER when Minnie's
~ voice was so stylish that
NOM and pop extradited her to
Berlin to study adenoid culture
and it's preventative? Minnie
Tapped around Europe for six
years and sang into every
crowned ear in custody.
THEN she came back in i'm
u ported triumph with her
parlor voice keyed six octaves
above soundproof folding doors.
T TITLE JOE also developed
- non n-suppertable sym ptoms
Of painting and you raised
enough certificates to send him
to Paris. Fifteen years later he
staggered home to die, but
changed his mind and ate In
stead.
SUPPOSE we were sending
~ these kids to Europe now
u bdDOldSCg VSpAOhb6C
and other sports Of childhood?
PE great II Minnie ratified
~ homeward bound and vio-
lated boundaries, repudiated
peace treaties, drove off our
cows. put torch to doghouse ard
borrowed six billion dollars in
war loans.
TOE'S education would consist
- of blowing up bridges, rink
Ing swanboats, strangling gold
fish, stepping on kittens tail
and tearing lightning rods off
Old Folks Home in thunder
storms.
WERE indebted to Europe for
w teaching us to keep our
kids home where they belong,
but don't stay.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

, planted by democracy. royal
princesses become plain females.
The Colonel's lady and Julie
o'Grady" become their sisters.
Having become just ordinary
members Of the sex. with the
divine. right" bosh and royal
authority cast into the ash can,
we begin to sympathize with
them. Really. they're up
against It.
Your Royal Highnesses-dear
girls-poor kids-I'm willing to
address you in any way you
like-I want to tell you that the
competition IL something fierce.
To the best of my knowledge
and belief the number Of girls
Of twenty-three and twenty-six
who would like to meet and
marry q young, wealthy and
handsome American or English
man In somewhere between
22,ss7. .ss4 and ss.27s.4a1. Most
prefer Americans on account Of
present rate Of exchange)
And the great bulk Of them
don't care q hang whether this
charming young fellow is .
social upstart or whether he
only acquired his wealth half an
hour ago. Don't be so choicy.
We Americans are all upstarts
compared with a thousand-year.
old royal family.
Take my advice and don't
Insist on wealth. Be satisfied
II he has a good job. As for
good looks, you're wiser to make
sure that he will be q good
husband and that you'll never
land In a divorce court
II you're ever in this neigh.
borhood. girls, drop In and I'll
be glad to talk 1t over with you.
But, in the meantime, just think
about 1t.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
Science Queries and Replies
-By Edgar Lucien Larkin--
Director of Lo,De Observatory.

What university has the best
observatory and gives the best
course In astronomy STU
DENT.
IN the East Harvard has the
L best equipment for teach
ing astronomy; in the West the
California Institute Of Technei.
osy. in Pasadena.
What is the Einstein theory
of RELATIVELY, that the material
cycles; the TSss system of Which
a cycle OF i6.oo0,06 years
only to renew another cycle
and 50 along like recurring
decimalsf-W. X. b.
IT is not known II "our
i Universe" the 5000. .0oe, ,ooe
suns as a whole. moves. All
suns. clusters OF suns and neb
ulae photographed by the larE.
est telescope In the world movs
in every direction like bees "a o
moving swarm. But In what
now seems to be two gulf
streams In opposite directions,
ss de.ected by Astronorner Rap.
teyn, living In Groninsen In
Holland.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
WAYSIDE WISDOM
Copyright. isii)
s. E. Kiser r
SIMPLE REQUIREMENTS.


T DON'T believe in finding fault because Of
In summer forget the chill and gloom that
I often think that could learn to like things
as they are
II ] could do my riding In nckei-piAted
car, =
And owned fine, big house in town and
one beside the sea,
And no one had the right to speak com
nanding words to me.
T THINK that could turn away from every
II by some stroke Of fortune became =
II 1 had perfect health and held my fellow
II in my circle everyone considered me
If bugs would never hide among the berries
In my dish
With such arrangements there would not Do
much more could wish.
IF 1 were, let's say, twenty five, or some
i where near that age;
II daily In big type my name showed on the
III possessed a handsome face, ready flow
Of wit,
And other attributes one needs to register .
With such advantages I feel as II I might
To laugh at care and think myself in luck to
be alive.
IF had hosts Of friends and might, when
i was so inclined,
Find pleasure where no thought OF work
would ever haunt my mind
II were free to 60 my way, to suit myself
alone,
And no one had the right to say nay soul was
not my own
With matters thus arranged I'm sure that
hope would fill my breast,
That could be convinced, in fact, that all
was for the best.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
The March
of EUents


M gentleman of New England,
xVx inherited a million dollars.
He said he wouldn t take it. Now
he gives away 100000 "to help
the general welfare"
Frank Mackay, an actor, ninety
years old, says the worlds great
danger is socialism" Mr.. Gar
lands attitude toward money and
marriage is due to the fact that he
doesn't know much about either.
An educated Socialist-for instance,
Viviani Of France, who represented
that republic in Washington during
the war-would tell Mr.. Mackay
that he doesn't understand social
ism. For that matter, the average
Socialist doesn't understand it,
either. This is proved by the fact
that his socialism is usually cured
as soon as he accumulates five
thousand dollars. Our public
schools, parks, museums and public
baths would have been called $50
cialism" not long ago.
The Government buys milk, sal
mon, cat meat for cats that protect
parcel post food shipments from
rats and mice. Ferrets are used
also to kill the rats. Why not set
good example by making post
offices proof against rats and micef
It isn't expensive.
England is doing well after the
war. She has in Lloyd George the
ablest living statesman, and
fighter.
Her money is good and getting
better. She has the highest birth
rate and the lowest death rate in
her history. She beats her own
average divorce record by 300 per
cent, which probably explains part
Of the high birth rate.
This country used 10000 bar
rels of gasoline in May, breaking
all records for quantity by more
than two million barrels. This
makes it quite sure that a powerful
combination will find it easy to
keep up prices.
One banker bet a red apple with
financial friend that before the
first day of September call money
will lend for 2 per cent, and time
money at 8 per cent. Money is
now cheap, and will be much cheap
er. And that ism t good news unless
you happen to be a borrower.
Money is cheap when it is al
lowed to pile up instead of being
put into new enterprises. developing
the country, employing labor, and
keeping things going.
Money is cheaper in dull times,
just as farm horses are cheaper in
the late fall.
We are piling up gold still,
while money stagnates and business
is dull.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
SAP and SALT
BY Bert Moses

tcopyrisht, 1921. by Premier Syndicate IneJ
No woman is as beautiful as the society
editor says she Is.
Enthusiasm is no good II the Judgment
back Of 1t is bad.
The education that is worth most is the
education you get out Of life.
Among the affections none Is quite 80
praiseworthy a love for plain work.
Giving to the poor often only prolongs their
unhappiness. unless what you give them is
a job.
The fellow who habitually seconds the
motion does so because that's about the limit
Of his intellectual range.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
We're With You

vYYILL H. HAYS, head of the
w Motion Picture Producers
" and Distributors Associa-
tion, speaks the most practical and
hopeful word about this artistic in
dustry to a sympathetic public
when he says officially: eve are
going to obviate the necessity of
censorship"
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

A ND that isn't all.
- As a dressing for a turtle
stew. you take a pint Of cream
beaten light.
Stir the beaten yolks into
the cream when warm, but do
not let the dressing boil. Cook
in a double boiler slowly, and
let 1t thicken without boiling.
Put In one bay leaf, a few
whole allspice, cayenne pepper.
salt and butter.
Chill the dressing. then heat
both snapper and dressing
when ready TO serve.
Serve with sherry wine, also
grated nutmeg.
Then send for this writer
and see what happens.
But what can't figure
out" said Lecky Packer, taking
our astronomical reflection
back into natural history, "is
whether a snapper is an ami.
NAL or a fish. It can live un.
der water, and It can live on
land, SO what Is it?"
We disregarded the interro-
CATION as highly frivolous.
When a man Is full of snap
ping turtle stew, he doesn't
care for argument.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

NEXT to an aged relative
with money, nothing clings
to life as tenaciously az q
swapping turtle
Once our friend, Lecky
Packer. . chopped a snappers's
head Oft threw the head out
into the yard, and put what
you might call the torso into
a pot Of boiling water.
Two hours later he peered
into the pot, and the remains
OF the late snapper were kick
ing around freely. and giving
violent manifestations of life.
About the same moment. a big
rooster went squalling past the
window with the head Of the
snapper appended to one foot.
Well. you NEEDN'T take our
word for It, but everybody
knows Lecky Packer is a
truthful man. and an authority
on swapping turtle stew. That,
gentlemen. is a dish! Believe
us, 1t is a dish!
MIR. Packer lives on Darby
AVA Creek, near Philadelphia.
and in the summer swapping
turtles are quite numerous in
that vinicity. They grow to
weigh as much as thirty
pounds, but for Mr.. Packers
stewing purposes, turtles un-
der eight pounds are pre-
ferred.
Anyway. in the fall Of the
year the female swapping tur.
tie burrows in the mud. going
in three feet deep. The male
turtle backs into the same
hole. and there they slumber
throughout the winter. They
come out in spring. and
hustle around eating roots,
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

Gasoline runs about ten miles to the
gallon; bootleg about ten funerals.
New Jersey adults are playing marbles.
Thus far the reformers have not been
able to find any law against II.
Large horoscopes placed on ocean liners
to keep them on an even keel. Why not
a small gyroscope to keep each passen-
ger on an even keel beyond the three mile
limit7
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
Stars and Stripes

Scientist announces that the world will
be ruled by women in 1877. Sure. Same
as 1t Is now.
Golf was originated in Scotland. but
in America the Scotch has been removed
from II.
There are two things no country can
get along without-capital and labor, and
Russia is trying to get along without
both.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

The moons revolution about the earth
carries Il forward, or toward the east, at
such rate that (: gains about twelve
degrees on the sun daily. 1t therefore rises.
crosses the meridian and SETS on an average
Of about fifty minutes later each day.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
DO YOU KNOW

A party whip Is a member of
a legislative body whose business
II is to see that every member
belonging to his party is present,
IL possible, when a vote Is pend
ing.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

Salt river is a small stream
in Kentucky. so filled with shall
lows and bars that its passage
is extremely difficult. Hence
a politician who seems headed
toward defeat Is said to 90 row
ing up Salt river.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
HOW CAN THERE BE ANY DOUBT
BY X. c. B.

do you believe women ever realy marry
for love. any more7"
"of course. Think Of the thousands Of
them who are doing their own housework."
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

and one thing and another.
until they acquire a fatnes.
that brings them to Mr.. Pack.
er's pot.
Now then. listen:
Parboil the snapper first
without cleaning 1t. then take
the shell off and clean.
Put the snapper on the fire
and cook slowly. Do not boil
hard. It keeps tender by
stewing slowly.
Cook until the meat falls Off
the bones.
While cooking. put in a bay
leaf. a little salt. mustard and
cayenne pepper.
When done. cut the meat in
pieces to suit. set away for a
day and chill thoroughly.
The Washington times., 1922-07-26
s'I Tell 1t to You"
BY Damon Runyon--

Copyright, Isas. by star Company
The Washington times., 1922-07-26

WERE indebted to Europe for
w teaching us to keep our
kids home where they belong,
but don't stay.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH

The class.meeting, called by Rev.
G. L. Goddell of the Federal Council
Of Churches OF Christ, the "Drlllmast
er OF Methodism." wi meet Tuesday
evening at 1880 Willis Stickles and
Frand Center are leaders.
The Gage street circle of the
Ladies' Aid society will be entertain.
ed at Mrs. Edwin Denio's, 121 Brad.
ford street, Wednesday afternoon.
The family gathering for praise
and praise on Thursday evening
will have for it's theme this week,
How to meet forces antagonistic TO
Gods Word.'
The Sacrament Of the Lords Sup
per will be observed next Sunday
morning. Baptism will be administ
cred to adults, and members will be
admitted into the church in prepara
tory connection.
Children's Day, under direction OF
/ the Church school. will be held this
year on the morning of June IL
when baptism will be offered TO in.
fants OF the parish families.
/ The Ladies' Aid society announces
SOC supper to be held on June Z
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
MANCHESTER CENTER

DR. and Mrs James L. Loveloy
were Sunday guests in Bennington.
Miss Dorinda Burt is very i'll at
her home at the Fairview. Mrs.
Phillips is taking care of her.
Mrs. George Howard and Miss
Helen r. Lakin of Arlington were
guests of friends in this village We'd
nesday evening.
Mrs. Ellen Woodcock fell on the
sidewalk in front Of the postofiice
Thursday afternoon. Upon examina.
tion, IL was found that one of her
shoulders were broken Miss Azzie
Whitman accompanied her that eve.
ming to hospital in Albany.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
OOY'T RI,K NEGLECT

Don't neglect a constant backache,
sharp, darting pains or urinary dis
orders. Tie danger of dropsy or
Brigh.'s disease is too serious to
ignore Use Doans Kidney Pills as
have your friends and neighbors. A
Bennington case.
Mrs. Gardner Ottmann, 1913 Scott
St., says An Illness, left me with
kidney disorder. | suffered from
sharp pains across the small OF my
back and my back hurt all the time.
had puffy sacs unde- my eyes and
my feet swelled so. my shoes were
tight | was annoyed by the irregu-
lar action Of my kidneys, until a
friend told me to try Doan Kidney
Pills. o bought a box at Lyons
Drug store, and was benefited right
away A few boxes of Doans cured
me Of the pains in the small of my
back and strengthened my kidneys"
Price 6Oc, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for a kidney remedy
get Doans Kidney Pills-the same
that Mrs Ottmann had Foster-Mil.
burn Co., Mfrs. Buffalo, N. Y.-Ad-
vertisement.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
CITIZENS ASKING :. :.
AN EXTENSION 05;:. Or \.
SURFACE SEWER.
Petition for Better Drainage on
and Near Silver Street
SIDEWALK ON WEST MAIN
Proposal to Continue Present
Walk to Old Bennington
Village Line

There will be a special village meet
ing at high school hall Thursday eve
ming, June 8, to see II the voters Will
make certain appropriations and is
sue certain instructions to the trus'
tees for the construction OF certain
street improvements.
The meeting Is called in response
to a petition presented at a special
meeting OF the trustees last Tuesday
evening and which was signed by the
necessary number OF citizens. The
warning for the meeting follows:
The legal voters Of the Village OF
Bennington are hereby notified and
warned to meet at High School hall
in said Village Of Bennington on Fri
day, June 9, 1922, Cat eignt clock in
the evening daylight saving time),
to transact the following business.
Article 1st: To see II the village
will vote to appropriate money to
construct a surface sewer on Silver
street. from Main street southerly to
Norton street, so-called.
Article 2nd. To see if the village
will vote to appropriate money to
pay the village share for construct
ing curb and gutter on the east side
OF Silver street, southerly from Grand
View street to Norton street, So
called.
Article 3rd. To see II the village
will vote to instruct its trustees to
use any OF the unexpected balance Of
the appropriation for the so-ca led
West Main street road work TO pay
the village share for the construction
OF cement sidewalk on said West
Main street, from the terminal OF the
present cement sidewalk westerly to
the village limits.
Article 4th. To transact any other
business that may legally come be
fore tae meeting.
Wm. p. Hogan, clerk.
Bennington, VT, May %, 1922
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29

This is the first time in eight years
that | have been free from stomach
trouble and it is all because OF the
wonderful good Tanlac has done M"
said Mrs. Frank Wilkie. 229 Cedar St..
Syracuse. Mrs Wilkie formerly re-
sided in Buffalo and for two years
was mapon of the State Reformatory
at Industry, N. Y.
Il was eating scarcely enough to
keep alive" she declared, for would
rather not touch a bite than suffer the
misery | knew would follow. Even
sweet milk disagreed with me. was
sick in bed for two and three days at
a time. and gas on my stomach made
such awful pressure on my heart it
most cut OFF my breath. | had hor-
rible dreams at night and in the morn
ing was all tired out"
We'll. the longest day live | will
praise Tanlac, for my Improvement
has been simply remarkable. have
no more heartburn, my appetite is
wonderful, | can eat most anything I
want, and my sleep is sound and rest
full. ! am thoroughly delighted with
Tanlac. 1t is wonderful
Tanlac Is sold by all good druggists.
Advertisement.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
OPENING GAMES
SHOW BALL TEAM
UNUSUALLY FAST
Bennington Beat Williamstown
and Grogans of Watervliet
NEW FIELD STANDS TEST
Fans Predict Town viii Have
Finest Diamond in History
of Local Baseball.
NEW FIELD STANDS TEST

The Bennington Baseball associa-
tion opened its new field on the
North Bennington road Saturday by
defeating Williamstown by score OF
5 to 2. Sunday afternoon Benning'
ton won from the Grogans Of Water
yliet to 4,
Saturday afternoon the diamond
was naturally slow and TIE ground
hit balls did not travel with much
speed but this condition did not in
any respect detract from the play.
Following the game the inheld was
visited by a steam roller resulting
in a considerable improvement
People in attendance were enthus'
iastic over the new bal park While
the diamond at present lacks life, II
will eventually become superior TO
any inheld in and around Bennington
The new grand stand fills long felt
want and there Is ample room for the
parking of automobiles.
There was only an ordinary Satur'
day afternoon crowd in attendance at
the opening game but the attendance
Sunday was as large as could reason
ably be expected with the season just
getting under way.
There was an excellent opportunity
Saturday afternoon to get a line"
on the Benn ngton team, and taking
into consideration the fact that the
players had had no opportunity for
practice the play was remarkable
Mooney and Hurley both worked well
and we're given good support Dur
ing the first three innings Mooney az
parently was not able to put much on
the ball except speed and the VIII
Jamestown boys met 1t but during the
next three stanzas he began 10 twist
the pill over the plate in such An
elusive manner that he soon mad the
game we'll In hand. AT the close OF
the sixth he retired in favor Of Hur'
les.
Bennington went into the lead In
the third inning when Nichols lined
the ball into deep LETT for a home
run with two on bases, The big fea
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1922-05-29
BOY
SERIOUSLY HURT;
CAR OVERTURNED
Gordon Woodard, II, Crushed
When Ford Turned Turtle
CONDITION IS ALARMING
Victim Of Accident on Way from
Home Town to Bennington
to See Ball Game

Gordon Woodard, II, is at the home
OF his sister. Mrs Jacob Hansenburg
in Arlington village, seriously injured
as the result of an automobile acci-
dent early Sunday afternoon.
According to physicians the youths
chest is crushed in such a manner as
to result in considerable hemorrhage.
Little change in his condition was re-
ported this morning, but he is be-
lieved to have a slight chance for re-
coyery
With two companions the boy was
riding to Bennington for the purpose
Of witnessing the baseball game at
Cone field Near the first railroad
crossing south of Arlington the auto
mobile, Ford touring car, ran into
some loose gravel recently placed up
on the highway, skidded and turned
turtle.
Two OF the occupants of the car
were thrown clear of the car and es-
capped, but Woodard was pinned under
meath the seat. Before a physician
could be located Woodard had been
taken to the home of his sister. Dr.
George Russell of Arlington, arter
making a preliminary examination,
telephoned to DR.. J. d. Lane Of Ben
nngton for assistanceA 1t was the
opinion Of the physicians that it would
be impossible to move the injured boy
to the hospital until after his condi-
ton showed some improvement.
The victim of the accident was born
in Arlington. one Of a family Of ten
children, and had recently been EN-
ployed at the Arlington Refrigerator
Works.