The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1922-03-15

SANA,
alpaca coat to a Christmas tree and
be perfectly comfortable. And,
strange as it may seem, anybody's
clothes will fit him and look nice on
him. There is nothing else like him
under the sun. He sees all things,
hears all things, believes all things
and has implicit faith in everything
, he sees or hears and stands ready at
all times to step aboard of anything
that comes along, from a young mule
to a flying machine.
"Wireless biography is nothing
new to him; he has used it for ages;
; every negro's mouth is a transmitter
: and every ear a receiver. If anything
: of Importance happens on a planta-
tion tonight, every negro for forty
miles around will know it by morning
Saturday is his special day by
custom and common consent, and If
you have any business to attend to
in a delta town on Saturday, attend
to it early and get off the streets
before you get hurt. A negro cannot
see you Saturday unless you owe
him something, and if you get in his
way he is liable to step on you, sit
down on you, or back you up against
a brick wall and smother you to
death. He does not usually do these
things, or any of them, through any
evil design, as many sometimes sup
pose, but he simply cannot help it if
you get in his way, for he is busy and
cannot look out for you. Saturday
is his Fashions and news exchange
day, and in addition to having all
those things on his mind, he has to
shake hands with every other negro
in town and hug every negro woman
he meets. You had better take out
ar accident policy or get off the
streets Saturday.
"The standard FASHIONS for a ne
gro is a peck of cornmeal, two
pounds of sugar, one pound of coffee,
three pounds of salt meat and one
gallon of black molasses a week, but
he can consume all of this at one sit
ting if necessary, or if he is working
for you and boarding himself he can
live a week on three soda crackers,
a box of sardines and five cents
worth of cheese. In other words, his
stomach is built on the same general
plan of an old-fashioned accordion,
and either contracts or expands &C.
cording to the pressure brought to
bear upon, it. ..:.
He is also immune to nearly all
kinds of poisons, and can swallow the
most deadly drugs with impunity. I
remember of having a negro working
for me n time who was having
chills and was suffering with severe
b%ackaches. I got him a bottle of chill
tonic to take and a bottle Of liniment
to rub his back with. The liniment
was labeled in box-car letters. poi
son; For External Use Only and I
cautioned him about it when I gave
it to him, but for three days and
nights, before I found it out, he had
been rubbing his back with the chill
tonic and taking a tablespoonful of
the liniment three times a day before
each meal, with excellent results. On
another occasion I was sick and had
a negro to wait upon me, and the
doctor opened a can of antiphlogis-
tine to make a plaster for my side,
and left the can on the kitchen table,
and when my negro went in to get
his supper he mistook. it for a can
of peanut butter and ate the whole
of it without ever discovering his
mistake.
HE is likewise a great admirer of
art, and in nearly every negroes home
be it ever so humble, there hangs A
life-size crayon portrait of himself
on the wall right opposite the door,
where you will be sure to see it as
you come in the door. The rest of
his surplus money he usually spends
for entertainment preferably an ex-
cursion, but anything else in motion
will do. l have frequently stood on
the street corner on a cold, cloudy
- r