The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1922-01-12
WON the HIGHEST
H0N0Rs ~ HADES

- nave lENAMt4 VI N0AAI1t 40
took place recently in Hell. The OBJ
iecf Of the contest as stated BY
the Devil himself, was to enable him
to ascertain who among his evil CO.
horts vas best fitted to occupy the
next highest Office in the realm Of
Hell
The contestants we're given
term Of years in which to perform
the most diabOlieal deed each could
devise, obtain authenticated proof
of its actual performance and to pre-
sent ell evidence at a public meet
ing held for that purpose Under
his seal the Devil obligated himself
to reward the one winning the con-
test by making that one his Dep
uty, give him power to reign with
absolute authority during the Devils
indispositiOn OF absence on .vaea-
ton and to present him with a scep-
ter second only in .fearfulness to
that of the Devil himself.
At the appointed time the cohorts
of Hell assembled In solemn con-
elave and each one in the audience
was in bresthless expectation to
learn what the Devil (who had an
nounced previously that he was to
be the sole judge in the eontest)
would consider the most disbolical
deed.
Armed with documentary evidence,
IN some instances filing to over
flowing a lawyers brief case, each
contestant assembled on the platform
and a smile Of satisfaction over
spread the eountenance Of the one
who. at the call Of the Archdemon,
walked to a position in frone Of the
Throne and recited his evil valor and
misdeeds.
Without going into the details of
what was a most sordid recital of
murder, rapine, crooked dealing,
shame. degradation, diShonor and
crime. it win suffice to tell of the
last to present himself for the COW
eted honor.
When the name of 'NOld Trusted
Subscriber" was called by the Arch
demon q somewhat unfamiliar fig
ure stepped TO the front of the stage
and, salutiRg His Majesty, began
his recital There was little about
his appearance to Justify an onlOok-
er in supposing that he belonged in
that motley gang of evildoers, nor
did he carry much evidence of his
wrongdoing. In fact, with the ex-
ceptien of few letters and cards
could not discern that he was a
candidate for the honor offered by
the Devil.
Given permission to speak. Old
Trusted Subscriber related that he
had subscribed for the local news
paper a number of years ago. "At
frst.r said he. Il paid in advance
each year. Then ] found out that
the Editor was a pleasant sort of
person. trustful and hardworking,
and not disposed to press those in
debted 10 him: so ! began TO LEI my
subscription lapse. Every now sud
again there appeared a notice in the
paper to pay up, with a mild threat
that back accounts would be placed
in the hands of lawyer for collee-
ton. As a sort of sop went to the
Office and paid for a wear on my in.
debtedness. but never did paid up in
full, not TO mention paving in ad-
vance. Then / made inquiry and
found that those who did not scare
at the threat to take legal action
we're not mOlested or troubled, so |
decided | need not settle, either.
In the meantime, | got all the
personal mention and publicity
wanted. Whenever We gave a party
or had friends visiting at our house
the Editor always published a note
of IT, Whenever death came into the
family. or one of my children got
married, ! always wrote out a long
account in which 4 praised myself as
being a representative citizen Of the
and the Editor always
published il in full. Whenever one
of my boys or girls went off to
school the Editor mentioned il;
when they got high marks or won
the Editor printed an ac-
count Of it and j figure that / got
twice the value of the subscription
price each year; but, year by year,
got further and further behind with
my payments.
"Then / moved away from town,
but as | wanted TO know Of the do
ings in my old town, and knowing
II Al n ! /