davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
Once-OVerS
Copyright, 1871 Internsu onaI Feature Service Inc
ELIMINATE sELF-PITY.
ny J. J. MUNDY.

b
when you are blue you think life Is hard and
forget the many things for which you should be
thankful
A whole lot Of your life has been sunshine.
You have had to work. but that is your good
luck not your misfortune, and you are fortunate
that you have been we'll enough to work.
Illness or trouble may have taxed your bank
account severely, but how fortunate that you
had the money from which to draw.
Suppose YOU had had to go in debt to pay for
services to KEEP good health: that would be worse.
You think you have worked hard and saved
little while other men have worked little and
put away much and II seems unfair.
Have you stopped to think that possibly these
men have not gained their money honestly and
the possession of Il may be such A worry or the
fear OF losing IL may rob them OF joy7
You would not change places with many per-
sons IL you knew all.
stop thinking OF yourself with pity and cuI-
tivste a spirit OF thankfulness that you are no
worse Off, for mono IL so badly off that he could
not be worse.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
COLUMN CHARACTERS.

ETA MOLOGY" tries to visualize
the characters of the column. AS she
sees it
MILO II. is large, good looking, be-
tween thirty and forty.
II. d. W., Sr., medium size, gray
hair, kind-hearted.
DOC RADFORD, short, good look
ing. expert on kissing.
'SALOME," typical tailored busi-
ness girl
"OHIO," a grown-up boy, but
dandy"
w. D. PAYNE, quick -witted, Irish
blonde.
ST KOLOGY, slim, blonde. wears
glasses; goes to church.
IONA STILL" neat, pretty, bright.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
THIS PARTNERsHIp BUSINESS.

Ssmbo and Nose went hunting.
Sambo shot a rabbit and Nose yelled.
"wE'SE done killed n rabbit" Sambo
answered, "whar you git dat WE
stufr7 1 killed dat rabbit"
Later. In a dense thicket. Sambo
mistook n burro for a deer and killed
Il. yelling, 'Tss done shot n deer"
Seeing his mistake. Sambo said :
Nose, wB'SE In trouble. We'so done
killed somebody's mule"
1--WE hell. YOU killed dat mule!
Ef All wasn't In on de rabbit. All
amt gwine to he in on dat mule
IIILES ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
A cow, A MAN
AND A MORAL
By LIVY S. RICHARD.

One of the best men | ever
knew had great energy and
a hair-trigger temper. He
owned a spacious garden. of
which he was fond and
proud.
One summer day, as his
wife was entertaining a
company of young folks on
the lawn, stray cow
casually entered the garden
and proceeded to trample
upon its symmetrical beds.
Ny friend could have got
rid of the COW with little
effort and damage. but his
temper demanded demon
strative action. Snatchipg
UP a golf club. he pursued
the COW, grabbed her by the
tail, belabored her upon
back and ribs. broke the
brassie and. what with the
cows footprints and his
own, vastly increased the
injury to the garden.
The wife and her guests
roared with laughter. He
heard 1t. and it didn't inns
prove his temper. He went
into the house and sulked.
At length the party Joined
him for tea and the wife,
wifelike, greeted him with
the brief remark:
well. Ezra, see you
made fool of yourself
again, as usual"
Whereupon Ezra continued
to sulk, but at length a
twinkle came into his eyes,
and he said:
Anyhow. I gave that COW
a mighty good licking"
I have sometimes won
dered II this incident does
not partly resemble our ex-
perience with Germany.
The COW got into my
friends garden because
some one had left a gate
open.
We left a gate open when,
at the beginning of our
neutrality, we permitted
Britain to hold up our
merchant ships; seize. rife
and censor our mails and
virtually impress our trade
as she used to impress our
sailors.
The cow-Germany's mill
tary lesders-seeing that we
we're tolerant OF Britain's
encroachments, thought the
rule would work both ways.
We should probably have
kept cool had the COW
stayed on our lawn and
cropped the grass. When
she trampled our garden,
however, our patience blew
up and we, too. saw red.
There IL no wife to twit
us upon what followed. We
are as proud as General
Dawes OF the energetic
manner In which we as
semblcd our strength and
hurled II across 1000 miles
OF sea IL was a mighty
gool licking" that we helped
to administer.
But II is time now 70 Quit
tho sulking. to lay aside the
anger, and to think moro
kindly OF all concerned.
The COW OF German militar-
ism IN done for, and n any
other COW OF the same breed
should happen TO stray near
our place we can remember
tn ks~p thu gala sAut-
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETES.
THOSE OF TODAY AND .YESTER-
DAY.

The high school boys of today think
their "idols' in athletic sports are
wonderful. Can ANY of THEM COM
pare with some Of the stars of yester-
day, such as Country" NORRIS,
FRITZ" REUTER-, HARRY HARRIS,
"KATSY" DEAN, "JAKEY' ROBERTS,
"PERRIE" DOWRICK, GENE OCK-
SENREITER, and others? l don't bo-
lieve they can. HARRY WILSON.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
BOW-LEGGED GIRLS.

FRED VETTER fears that the bow
legged girls of the city may be sore
at him. Judging from remarks of one
OF them in the @. o. G. FRED wrote
a little poem about the Bows and
Beaux" of the bow-legs, and the
printer made II seem what II wasn't.
Fred meant no offense; in fact he is
partial to bow-legged girls. SO he
asks the editor to set him STRAIGHT.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
Starter FLYNN. in the C. T.

Starter FLYNN, in the C. T. car
barn, Thirty-sixth and M streets,
gets off something like this to the
waiting throng: "Step right on.
Capitol and Library in the rear. GO
ing right down the Avenue"
1t would be funny to see the Capt.
tol and Library going down the Ave-
nue.. z. p. d.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
"AMATEUR" NIGHTS.

Why can't an amateur" night he
started In one of the vaudeville
houses? l know a number OF good
ones who would be glad to contribute
to the success of the house. II and
S gives all amateur writers a chance.
So why wouldn't II be just as
popular for one of the theaters TO
do so? RALEIGH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
Love may be BLIND but mar
riage is certainly a first-rate
EYE-OPENER. IRENE.
STRONG FOR .NUT- DAY.

IL on April 1st a nut we wear,
Heaps Of folks at US will stare;
Perhaps a few we will scare,
But, Gee! Why should we care?
Cause through the day We shall Sc
Some other 'fans'-both he and she
And ere the day away does nee
More friends well know-Do all sgrcef
IMNEw.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
-s,r- wrote an old woman ,

-Sir.- wrote an old woman to
loaf'ng neighbor, 'if you don't
send home my husbands breeches
/ shall expose you"
Madam" replied the loafer, IF
l do 1 shall expose myself"
s. NJ NJ
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
The wonderful ways of nature
are shown in the fact that the
green apple season comes just as
young doctors are being gradu-
ated- OICUCME-

He said she was the apple of his eye.
without her near him he would die.
But sorrow came to him one day,
when, with his rival. she ran away.
But he still has the apple in his eye.
VI. SMITH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
The Thread of a Spider.

A scientist once compared q human hair which
by tho way. varies In thickens, with a spiders
thread under a microscope, and estimated that
II would take 10000 threads to equal one hair
In substance
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
WYE cannot imagine any more en-

tnan the TACT tnat prlVdte citiAeh
has been impelled to apply to a
court of law to prevent the further
unlawful expenditure of the public
moneys of the American people.
The insolence and impudence OF
these Treasury officials who have
disbursed hundreds of millions OF
the public funds, sometimes to real
governments and sometimes to
wholly fictitious governments, but at
all times without any warrant of law
or any direction of the Congress, and
wholly at their own will and caprice,
is only reflection of the contempt
in which Mr.. Wilson himself has
held the Constitution, the law and
the rightful authority of the other
coordinate branches of our consti-
tuted Government.
Fortified by the knowledge that
the Senate has contained enough Ad-
ministration followers to defeat any
attempt at impeachment, no matter
how richly merited, Mr.. Wilson has
never paid the slightest respect to
any limitations of the Constitution
or of the laws of the land, when
these limitations restricted his in
solent assumption of autocratic
power.
Taking advantage of the subservi-
ent spirit of partisan following
which was only too glad to sur
render the lawful powers of the Con-
gress and to shirk the performance
of the rightful duties Of the Con-
gress, under the specious plea of
war emergency, the President went
from one contempt of such Con-
gress to increasing contempt of the
supreme law of the land itself until
finally he apparently conceived of
himself as dictator, in whom abode
such authority and dominion as the
German Kaiser never dreamed of
arrogating to himself.
And when Mr.. Wilson thus set
himself above all that is called law,
it was natural and indeed inevitable
that his creatures and underlings
should initiate his lawlessness, and
exhibit the impudent disregard Of
public sentiment and public welfare
and of constitutional and legal limi-
tations which has marked them at
every turn of the road, and which
has been displayed, with peculiar
effrontery, whenever representatives
of the people, either in the Senate
or in the House. have endeavored to
learn how or why they were lavish
ing the public moneys upon foreign
mendicants and bankrupts.
Even a casual observer must have
noticed the difference in the bearing
and answers of these erstwhile or
insolent officials when they were
brought to book the other day by
committee of the Senate and asked
by what authority they had poured
so many millions of dollars into the
hands of Boris Bahkmeteff, fictitious
ambassador" of a non-existent
Russian government
A few months ago, when similarly
interrogated, the replies of this Kel-
ley person and other underlings of
the State Department and the Treas
ury were curt to the point of con-
temptuous impudence. These under
lings seemed both astonished and
irritated that mere representatives
of the people in Congress should
want to interrogate the representa-
tives of the President as to the dis
position of a few hundred millions
of the peoples money.
Why had they handed millions to
Boris Bahkmeteffi Because the
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
THAT "BINDER" PROBLEM.

1t looks as II the fans will have to
go into that "binder" problem again;
that is, II the answer given by "Wm.
d. c." is correct, for none of the an
swers received agree with that Of the
author.
The big math sharks all take bite
at the problem. Q. Z. d. says the first
binder cuts 1920 square feet more
than the binder that follows. He
says the problem should be worked
through the trapezoid and not the
rectangle. "NUTA N. E." finds the
first binder ahead Of the second by
10,112 square feet. FRED HAZEL
FINGER gets 10.176 feet, while w. d.
PAYNE gets 5.056 square feet.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
Putting the Screws on
q LulDLesS Administration


why that was Mr.. Wilson's affair,
and the representatives of the Amer
lean people and the American people
themselves could like or not like it,
just as they chose.
We have instanced particularly
the lawlessness and the insolence
displayed in this criminal waste >of
the public funds upon this so-called
Russian ambassador, Boris Bank
meteff, because it rs a peculiarly
flagrant and impudent illustration
of the contemptuous and autocratic
attitude Of Mr.. Wilson himself, and
of his initiative creatures in office,
toward the Congress, the people and
the laws of the land.
Not quite so insolent, but still as
indefensible and lawless, are the dis
bursements of millions which have
been made to other European gov
ernments since the war ended and
which would still be in full cohtinu-
ance if Mr.. Hearst had not invoked
the staying power of a court of law.
Without this appeal to the courts,
the retiring Administration would
have kept up this waste of the public
moneys with increasing profligacy
until the last minute of its dis
credited and condemned political
existence.
Because neither the unprecedented
rebuke and reputation recorded at
the polls, nor the practically uni
versal detestation expressed every
where in public and in private, nor
the utter failure of his incompetent
efforts to "match minds" at Paris,
nor the world wide ridicule and con-
tempt with which his grandiose
league covenants have fallen, nor
anything that has happened to show
how swift and far has been his fall
in the estimation of his countrymen
and of mankind, have had any per
ceptible effect upon the peculiar
esteem and admiration with which
Woodrow Wilson regards himself.
His egotism is invincible.
His vanity is impregnable.
His morbid desire to be lauded
abroad, no matter how he is looked
upon at home, is still the motive
power of his speech and his action.
And to please his vanity and graft
fy this morbid desire for forei gn
laudation, he would have his under
lings still busy in emptying our
Treasury into the hats of these
foreign mendicants till the last
stroke of the clock that ends his
authority, had not Mr.. Hearst
brought the whole scandalous affair
to the attention of the nation.
This appeal to the courts cannot,
of course, recover the hundreds of
millions which have been misspent
by the autocratic and unlawful au-
thorization of Woodrow Wilson, nor
is it likely that he can be made per-
sonally to answer before a tribunal
of justice, or that any Of his obedi-
ent underlings in the State and
Treasury Departments can be sent
to Jail for malfeasance in their Of
fetal part in this waste of the peo-
ple's money.
But Mr.. Hearst's appeal to the
courts will stop Mr.. Wilson and his
underlings where they are.
Mr.. Wilson will not further dis
credit the few last days of his Ad-
ministration by having more millions
of American money shoveled into
the outstretched hats of mendicant
governments abroad.
No more of the money will stream
into the bottomless abyss of Euro
pean bankruptcy.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21

TO MARGIE: You are welcome to
the G. o. c., which is for EVERY
BODY who submits suitable contri-
buttons. Glad YOU admire MILO H..
E. M. O'S., OHIO, FRED VETTER,
JOE CONKLIN, H. SMITH, FRED
SCHWAB, and the others. They're
true blue fans, always willing that
good contributions from them shall
Be put aside that other fans may
have a chance.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
Your girl will like this sort Of

pOtITy.
Your hair is like a bale of hay,
Your eyes are slightly queer,
Your mouth is like a cellar door,
But still l love you dear.
LENA G.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
55EEF61
A BARE FACT.

A BAKE FACT.
Two girls gay met q boy one day.
His legs were briar-scratched.
His clothes were blue. but a nut brown hue
Marked the place where his pants were
patched.
They dubbed with soy at the blue-eysd
boy.
with his spot OF nut-brown hue;
why don't you patch with a color TO
match"
They chuckled. why not In blue?"
Come don't be coy. my blue brown boy.
Speak out" and they laughed with glee.
And he blushed rose-red. and bashfuliy
said:
That amt no patch; that's me"
JOHN d.
EARLE L. keller, at B. P.
%. E. hall, calls HARRY H. SEY-
FORTH Heard and Seen" because
his initials are H and S and he is
always referring to something good
in the column.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21

Professor TRUITT, instructor in
zoology at the Maryland University,
recently proclaimed the cake-eater
the worst of all animal pests.
HERODOTUS.
Joe-we had a swell affair at our
house for two weeks.
Alf-How conner I never heard OF
II.
Joe--oh, yes, four OF us had the
mumps o. SHUX.V
G. o. C.'s Song in a family Of five:
Every night
How they night
over mel
why don't the guy
simply buy
Five Of mol
She thnk sheep arc the stupidest
creatures living.
He (sbsent- mindodly) Yes, my
lamb. CURlEY-
The Washington times., 1921-02-21
THAT TRAFFIC PUZZLE.

Whoever is responsible for that
pigs in Glover" puzzle at Sixteenth
and Massachusetts, avenue circle
should be required to spend half
hour each night lodging between
those safety CD platforms and the
automobiles which zigzag in and out
among them. II there Is any rule
in regard to traffic around the cir
Gle it is not observed. And, too.
the policemen are not in accord
when giving instructions; one will
tell you that you may drive your
machine on either side of the plat
forms or in and out between them:
another will say you may drive only
on the inner circle. To say the
least, tho whole thing is most
confused mess. ADAM MUTT.
The Washington times., 1921-02-21

My three daughters, Jane, Su-
san. and Mary, brought me their
bills for silk hosiery, waists. &C..
and asked me to let them have
the money to pay them. The
total of their bills was $301.s7.
gave to Jane $4,000 more than
to Mary, and to Mary $4,000
more than to Susan.
What was the amount of each
of their bills? BEN ID.
Many a fellow who gets to the tol
too quickly forgets that he was onc'
at the bottom. PHILIP EBERT.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31
CORONA DAILY TIMES, THURSDAY, MARCH B. 1921

all the exporting nations of the world. It would seem that the Unit ed States, located on the western hemisphere, and being ueighbors with all of the pan-American countries, other factors being equal, should be able to overshadow all it's competi- tors in the race for the southern trade. Great Britain, Spain, France, and Germany, particularly as soon as the Germans fully recover from the effects of the World war, will give Uncle Sam a strenuous race for this great commercial prize. The prize is worth having for it has been estimated that with American trade fully developed in the pan-Amercan countries practically all the surplus manufacturers and foodstuffs of the Unitdd States could be disposed of in that region.
 The department of commerce, under the able direction of Secre- tary Herbert Hoover, is expected to quickly take on new life. More ener. gy will be injected into the bureau of foreign and domestic commerce, and the first great plan of trade expan. sion undertaken by that bureau will be in the pan-American field.
 The bureau also is not overlooking
  Transpacific and Asiatic trade though the United States will be up against an even more formidable competitor in that field--Japan-tha it will have to face in South and Gen. tral America.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31

Unless the gift is one hundred parts YOU, don't make it.
 The man is called the head of the family because he foots the bills.
 The movies show a girl the kind of a life she would like to lead if she dared.
 A thin man naturally isn't very inn pressive, for he can't put up much of a front.
 They've invented many wonderful things, but they've never yet in vented anything to make a painted face look like anything but a painted face.
 Then there is the kind of man who acts like he is attending a fun eral when is at home but who is the life of the party when he gets down to the office.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31

A Chichagof island goat breeder says that there should be goat in every household in Alaska We rise in meeting to ask what has happened to change fathers status in the home. -Ketchikan Chronicle.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31

Another bill that may be introduced in the legislature is to make it a felony for a lawyer to tell an un- truth. It will be on par with one proposed to make it a felony for a newspaper to print an untruth. Class legislation aimed at one pro, fession in the territory will not make much of hit Why pick on editors We know a lot of liars who have never had a chance to break into print.-Douglas News.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31

Any arguments we have made in favor of moving the capital to this division are everlastingly knocked out by today's dispatches. The farther away it is the better it will suit Valdezans.-V Miner.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31
THINGS WE THINK

Things Others mink and What We Think of the Things Others Think.
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31

There has been much complaint from every section of the territory and many organizations have entered protest, against the present law that compels a pioneer who accepts allow ances to sign over all his effects so that they will become the property of the territory after his death. Oftimes a man may have mining pro perty that in course of time and by reason of nearby developments might become of great value. But his heirs could receive no bene.-t from it. Then again it was hardly eX- pected that the territory was extend ing aid to needy and deserving pio- neers with the idea of receiving some monetary return.-Juneau Capi- tai
The Cordova daily times., 1921-03-31
VOICE OF THE ALASKA PRESS

The committee named to raise funds to aid in making a fight for the passage of the McFadden bill pro- viding a bonus for new gold pro- duced should receive general sup port in Alaska and from all classes of people. It is a matter that does not only interest those engaged in gold mining There is not resi- dent of the territory or one who is interested in it but whose condition and opportunities would be improved by the passage of this measure.
 George T. Jackson is chairman of the committee that is raising funds in Alaska for this purpose, and it would be a fine thing if all those interested would get in touch with him, and then make a subscription. Juneau Empire.
Amerikai Magyar hirlap = American Magyar journal. [volume] (Youngstown, Ohio) 1911-1942, 1921-11-10

4 1nEs1kt66s ssebsskl, Ora ss Nyak
i&nco1k olsss6lEs kAsesstsk. Kaphat6k
RBSs LASzL0. Is rIAI-naL, $50 East
Federal, kozei a watt-hoz.
Amerikai Magyar hirlap = American Magyar journal. [volume] (Youngstown, Ohio) 1911-1942, 1921-11-10
A GOROG- G-KATHOLIKUSoK
ORszAGOs sZOvETsEGE

"Maria vedeIme" napjan a hires bu-
esujar6 Mariap6eson Mikl6ssy Istvan
hajdudorogi plspok elnokl6s6vel Macy
jelentosegi gyilekezes volt. A ma
gyar g0rog katholikus hitelet tarsadal-
mi es gazdasagi fejl5desenek el6mozdi-
tasara, gor0g-katholikusok vedelme,
tanitasa Is vezetese erdekeben orsza-
gos g0r0g- katholikns kongresszust tar
Itottak, amlycn megalakitottak gorog-
katholikus szovetseeet. A sz0vetses
Illes DIR. egyetemi tanart, eln0keuf Papp
Janos hajduboszormenyi kanonokot va
lasztottak meg, aleln0kok lettek: Szab6
kornel budapesti vezerigazgato, Sza-
b0 Mikl6s esperes 6s Maxim Athanaz
mariap6csi hazfonok. Ugyvezet6-igaz,
gatdnak Fedak Miklost, f6titkarnak
Revesz Mihaly hajdudorogi takarekp6nz
tari igazgat6t, titkarnak Festoff Antal
|jegyz0t, ugyesznck Lengycl Bella DR..
iigyvedetl pelzdarnoknak Krusfalusi
Gyulat, ellen6rnek Papp Gyulat, k6Dyv-
tarnoknak Stepk6 JOSEF mariap6csi
tanit6t valasztottak meg. valasztot-
tax meg Is igazgat6sagi IS $50 valaszt-
manyi tagot. A kangresszus jelent6-
seget jcllemzi, hogy azon mintegy Is
ezcr g6rog katholikus vctt r6szt.
\
Amerikai Magyar hirlap = American Magyar journal. [volume] (Youngstown, Ohio) 1911-1942, 1921-11-10

n<sstt volt p4itSsknak !. /. Feje
zaectt, sxSsss fnelle Hekes ihduls-
tokt6l zih<. Fergott vele d vi
lkg. Erszte, hogy efveszett vala-
miie, hogy elvettek lelksnek er5-
sebb felet. .Gondolkozott ;.
-. Miert kell neki az erd5
szent titokzatoesagat 5riznfe /. :.
Miert fepllet q durvabban es ma
gyobb zauaf szaraz falevelekre,
mint mas, mint peldaul Gebera
Joska Es minek a vad. ha
Sztruhar mar egyet sem lShet be-
lole. Egy Sztruhar, aki vilag
csufjara szabadon jarhat fegy-
verevel
Koriiltekintett, Aidagad6 szem-
mel nezte az erdSt. Az erdSt, a
maganyos erd5t, a mindenseget.
Kitort bel5fe az orvvadasz.
Hallgat6zott. Tekintetevel vadul
keresgelt, vajjon mem latja-e va
laki? Aztan villamgyorsan
maga ellen kapta az 8 felelmetes,
efoltolto puskajat
Ha mast mem volt szabad. =
magat l6tte le orvul.
A vad6rt nfegis legy6zte vad-
orzo. Az egen osszeert nagy,
s6tetsziirke karpit, vege lett a
>zinjateknak, csend volt az Osztra
Horan. Csak bagoly suhant at
a lombek k0z0tt vitte a hirt !.
-Meghalt sSztruhar, Macy orv-
vadasz, inert mem tudta a becsiile-
tet e1viselni.
Lukach Gyula.