The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1921-06-30

. course II rOuSeQ me from my sleep
and l used to consider it funny, and
would sit on the floor and laugh with
demoniac glee. But if | fell out of bed
now it would be necessary to ring up
the Red Cross headquarters for an am.
/ bulanCe and few nurses.
/ ut is that sort of thing which makes
age tragic Every little mishap means
suffering to the elderly individual. Go
think of it, in silence and alone, Mrs.
Jiggers.
81 remember when / first learned to
skate. l was a young man, just grow
ing my maiden sidebOards. l should
have learned the noble art when | was
a boy, but my education in honest
sports had been sadly neglected. It's
better late than never, as the old adj
age has it, and so ! took up the study
of skating when l was at the voting
age. 1t was on a brilliant winter day.
and all the beauty and Chlvalry of the
neighborhood had gathered at the
pond to see me do my deyolr.
IAN expert skater who was present
1 assured me that there was no trick to
/ st. All l needed was confidence, he
said, and l believed him. 1t looked
passing easy, as l watched the others,
! gliding over the ice with ease and
grace, so l fastened on my skates and
stood erect, with the help of a couple
Of innocent bystanders, and then
went forward boldly, on my own inlti-
atiye Immediately | lost control Of
my feet, which previously had been
dccile and obediont organs. They
wouldn't do anything / wanted them
to, and the result was that / came
down on the back of my head with
such emphasis that | shook the whole
pond, which was several miles long
The crack I'm the ice that / made with
my head was there until the ice melted
in the spring, and then you could see
it I'm the water.
81 lay there in comatose condition
for minute or two, and then scram
bled to my feet and smiled Yes, my
dear Mrs. Jiggers, | actually smiled
The smile may have been pallid
sckly thing, but it was true to type
and couldn't have been mistaken for
anything else. was SO little Injured
by that cataclysmic fall that | could
smile Not bone was broken, not a
joint dislocated. In a few hours | was
as good as new, with the exception OF
a lump ON the back Of my head about
tho ctzp pf a ba1ypl turuin
"Outwardly / look much as | did
then. People often say to me that
haven't aged any In a quarter of
century My hair Is like the ravens
wing, my alabaster brow has few
wrinkles, have the stately and com
handing port of man half my age
But 1t Is all n dclusOn, Mrs. Jiggers
| am a whitcd sepulcher lnwardly
am as old as any man, and my bones
are brittle as pipe stems, and my mus
Giles are all dried up, and if stumble
over a pincushion l dislOCate an ANKLE
or break a leg.
1.-THE other day | stepped on an or
ange peel and came down on the side
walk. | didn't fail violently In fact
II to0ll me ten minutes to fall. ! strug
gled so hard to save myself graspni
at the atmosphere and trying to bal
ance myself like a tight rome walker
But when I dId eventually reach th'
pavement | felt as though the end ha'
come to my mlsspent life. My hea'
achcd for three days, and all my bone
felt out Of place and my teeth wer
loose In their sockets. This thing o
being old, Mrs JIggers, isn't what IT
cracked up to be-"