davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
The End of Lent

take on Interest in him. even
though he is the Offspring of an
Obscure and Ignorant Working
man. l must go now, but / will Re-
turn. Next time l come hope to
hear that your Husband has stop
ped Smoking also and is very Hap
py. Tell the Small Person under
the Bed that if he learns to spell
lbex' by the time l call again I
will let him look at my Rings. As
for you bear in mind that it is no
Disgrace to be Poor; it is simply
lnconvenient, that's ALL"
Having delivered herself of these
Helpful Remarks she would Duck,
and the Uplifted Mother would
make herself a Cup of Strong Tea.
In this manner the Benevolent
Lady carried forward the Good
Work. and Dazzled the whole Re-
gion between O'Hara's Box Fac
tory and the City Dump. 1t didn't
cost anything, and she derived
much joy from the knowledge
that Hundreds of People were Rub
bering at her and regarding her
as The Works.
But one day a Scrappy Kid.
whose Mother didn't have any
Lorgnette or Diamond Ear-Bobs,
spotted the Benevolent Lady. The
Benevolent Lady had been in the
House telling his Mother that it
was Glorious Privilege to wash
for Living.
After the Bcne yolent Lady went
away the Kids Mother sat down
and had a Good Cry, and the
Scrappy Kid thought it was up to.
him. He went out to the Alley and
found a Tomato Can that was not
working, and he waited.
In little while the Benevolent
Lady came out of Basement. in
which she had been telling a Polish
Family to look at her and be Hap
py. The Scrappy Kid let drive,
and the Tomato Can struck the
benevolent Lady between the Face
Powder and an $1,000 Brooch. She
squawked and started to run, fell
over a Garbage Box, and had to
be picked up by a Copper.
She went Home in a Taxi and
told her Husband that Gunmen
had tried to Assassinate her, be-
cause she was Reforming so MANY
Gang Members. That settled il
with her-she said she wouldn't
try to be Benevolent any more-so
she Joined a club that was irving
to get a Call through to the Spirit
World.
The Scrappy Kid grew up to be
an Automobile Salesman and gave
his Mother plenty Of Good Clothes,
which she was always afraid to
wear.
MoRAL-In uplifting. get an
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
CONUNDRUMS.

JAM and JELLY" say that good
conundrums keep young people inter-
ested, and submit these:
Why Is music cheaper on Sunday than
during the week7 Because during the
week you get II by the piece, but on Sunday
you get It by the quire (chor).
What key In music would make a good
army officer7 A sharp major
why can the world be compared to
music7 Because II is so full Of sharps
why are pianos noble characters? Be-
cause tney are grand, upright and square.
why is a list OF celebrated musical COM
posers like a saucepan Because II is in
complete without q Handel
why Is buckwheat cake like a cater
piuarE Because II makes the butter ny.
Why Is the letter "A" like honey
suckleE Because a b follows II.
why ix the letter ''U' gayest in the al
phabet! Because IL is always In the
midst of FUN"
What is that which we can all make
but which Is never seen after II is madef
A bow.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

"Oh, yes, sir" the grateful Wo-
man would reply. "That is when
he's Working and can get it. He
gets Four Dollars Ten"
And what does he do with all
his Money!" the Benevolent Lady
would ask.
81 think he plays the Market"
would be the Reply.
Then the Benevolent Lady
would say:
when the Unfortunate Man
comes Home this Evening you tell
him that a KIND and Beautiful
Lady called and asked him please
to stop Drinking unless he has
some Sparkling Moselle put away,
and to be sure and read Eight or
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

Ten Pages from the Encyclopaedia
britannica each Night before re.
ttiring; also tell him to save his
Money. Is that your Child under
the Bed?"
That's little Pershing."
How many have your"
Eight or Nine--I forget
Which,"
BE sure and dress them in San
ltary Underwear; you can get it
for Six Dollars Suit. Will You be
good enough to have the Little
Boy come from under the Bed,
and spell 'Ibex' for the Sweet
Lady"
Hes afraid sf you"
Kindly explain to him that I
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
"NO DRAINs- DICTIONARY.

EARTH-A solid substance much
desired by the sea-sick.
ENGAGEMENT-In war, battle.
In love, the salubrious calm that pre-
cedes the real hostilities.
EQUAToR-An imaginary line
around the earth, held by J. p. Nor
gan and the Standard Oil Company.
KATIE COOK.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

Censors say a two-second kiss
is sufficient.
But who's going to be the
Judge of the time?
In the movie pictures they
may be able to call time" on 'em
after two seconds, but who's going
to hold the watch in the parlors. ,
Besides, most watches can't be
trusted to keep correct time.
PHOTOPLAY.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
THE WEDDING MOVIE.

- had a movie man to film
My wedding day divine
The bridal kiss, oh. nuptiai bliss,
The wedding cake and wine.
The sacred roll OF celluloid
l safely laid away
To bring me tender memories
AT some much later day
-Four years ago this happened
Three kiddies now are shown
Thesmovies of our wedding
On evenings we're alone.
But Jimmy, who Is two years old.
And does not understand
Lisps, Whose that funny man in black ,
He's holding mammals hand!"
EVELYN LOEFLER
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
AS OTHERS SEE TT,

AS OTHERS SEE 1T.
It's easy to say Cheer up!'
It's easy, to say, Go to it!''
IL isn't so easy to do IL!
It's easy to tell some one else
The things they should always do
But It's hard to follow your own advtca
IL II ever comes back to you'll
Mcv. II.
Mike-Are you a member Of thu
bar
Pat--I was till they closed 'em.
TOM CULHANE.
"A soldier Of the Legion
Lay dying in AlgiCrs"
While a IN Jusand weeping women
watched him, thru food Of tsara
And he nurmured.as his life blood
Ebbed at each conclusive throk
Gee, I'm glad left the army
For this moving picture job.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
HEARD IND SEEN-~- By Bill Price
WHERE THE FUN COMES IN-

She-I wouldn't marry the best man
on earth.
He-I don't blame you. You'd have
no fun In reforming the best man on
earth, but, as for me, you'll have a
lot of fun in making me over.
WARDMAN PARK.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

She had pet dog named Fido,
He cut up many a dido;
He chaded a cat,
As black as a hat
And returned with q scratched side. oh.
H. SMITH
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
THE DEkvON's PROGRESS.

Deacon Jones was the pillar of a
New England village and when he was
taken Ill it was deemed advisable to post
bulletins at the village postoffice. This
Is how they went:
4 p. m.-Deacon Jones very sick.
p. m.-Deacon Jones very low.
8 p. m.-Deacon Jones rapidly sink
p. m.-Deacon Jones dying.
p. m.-Deacon Jones dead and
gone to heaven.
Again at 0 D. m. the following
mysterious bulletin:
Great excitement in Heaven.
Deacon Jones not yet arrived"
r. ]. M.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
"GOSHr

loa ana Frank are really grown up
But they act like kids, they do,
They quarrel and fuss. then make up
And then say. who's sweetie is 100 ,''
WI0wAGS.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
THE EVOLUTION OF A FLEA.

THE EVOLUTION OF A FLEA.
THE evolution theory" said the
prof. us that we all came from
monkeys"
That's wrong" said the nea. bit
ing him on his half-baid head. "I
came from a dog"
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

he stood on the bridge at midnight,
HIS head was in a whirl:
ms mouth and eyes were full OF hair,
BULLSHOOTER
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
jazz BAND OUTING.

Say. "Saxa-phone" tell "Cornet"
to bring Clarinet" and "yiol-in,,
for the week, end. Were stopping at
the cello and Banjo" and "Mando-
IN are here. Mr.. Drum" has
brought his Traps" along for some
nunting' He will Pick -a-low" spot
where he can catch a good "Fox
.. .. ROMA.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

The Sabbath was intended for
day OF rest, but misguided re-
formers would make II a day of
&rrest. BUDDY r.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

IT costs some people $4,000
to have their family trees look
ed up, and then $4,000 more to
nave 1t hushed up. d. G. K.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
FOR THE HALL or FAME.

Nomination.
The prune who makes a mad dash
for seat In the movies and falls all
over you before you can get up.
/ The gink who gets married SO he
can have some ono to look after his
cigar coupons. CHEERUPADIST.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

The only difference between a
woman and a talking machine Is
that she begins the quickest and
lasts the. longest. GUS II.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

Al-You must confess that man
was made before woman.
Helen-They had to have something
70 practice on nrst. M VI.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
FLIRTING WITH TIME.

She stopped and gazed,
He moved his hand,
Ihough his face was stern as a rock,
For she was only a pssser-by.
And he was the old town clock
NUTMEG.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
THE WIDOW.

THE WIDOW.
Clarinda's birthdays come again;
with JOY we all do gfeet her.
Ihrice happy girl, because she has
NO husband for to beat her. .t
r. II. A.
Contributors to the G. o. C.
should remember that our dear
Editor does not seek to have
readers accept his ideas and to
echo them, but to make his ideas
start others 10 thinking. Ale
wants YOUR ideas and your
bright thoughts. ..,...
EAMON NJ. SUILLEABHAIN.
There was once a charming young dr. q
who had q big cellar and str,
with whiskey and wine
And drinkables fine.
which hts sweetheart found out and II
snr' q. NJ s.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27
MARYS MULE,

Mary had an onery mule,
And foolishly took him to school.
The teacher, conceited old fool,
sitting on three-legged stool,
Pointed three-fopt rule
Close to the back end OF the mule:
FOR three weeks we've had no school,
BUBBLES.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

who remembers when Six
teenth street was paved with
wooden blocks? f.. w. III.
The Washington times., 1921-03-27

What is the difference between a
dance and a dawnce?"
Just about four bucks"
NUTMEG
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
London Police
Garry No Guns

The London copper" works an eight
houi shift, during which he is allowed
half-hOur for lunch. The pay is not
as much as 1t is here, because the Lon
doners are paid, housed and clothed.
The married men live at home with
their families and are allowed housing
expenses.
The killing Of a policeman in Lon
don is rare-not one q year-the in
spector explained. He said the police
orphanage, an institution for the care
and rearing of dependent children Of
deceased policemen, was supported
principally by the athletic activities of
the police, coupled with concerts by
the five bands maintained by the de-
Dartment, and also by the police min
strel troupe.
Public intoxlcatlon Is on the wane
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
LOST DIAMOND MINE FOUND
Source Of Beautiful Stones in Mexico
Had Been Unknown for
Many Years.

Chlcago.-The lost diamond mine Of
Guerrero has been rediscovered, ac-
cordlng to advices from the City Of
Mexico. A Mexican geologist, looking
for mineral prospects in the state of
Guerrero, it is said, stumbled upon the
diamond mine by accident.
General Guerrero after whom the
state was named, is credited with the
discovery Of the mine IN the early
part of the last century. When EN-
peror Iturbide sat upon the throne Of
Mexico Guerrero presented him with
a number of splendid diamonds of inn
mense size. But Guerrero died with
OUT disclosing the source of the treas
ure and all knowledge of the where
ahouts of the mine died with him.
Since his day many efforts have been
made to locate the lost Golconda
without success, and Mexieans had
come to believe its existence was
romantic myth.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
Killing Of a Bobby" by a Grim
inaI Is Rare Occurrence, Says
Former Inspector.
MANY SOLDIERS ON FORCE
Courts Support the Police splendldly,
Although First Offender is
Hardly Ever Sent to Jail
lntoxication on Wane.

New York.-How London is policed
by 2,20O constables over an area 30
miles in diameter without a revolver
in the pocket of a bobby was dis
cussed by Inspector A. j. Spriggs,
honorary secretary of the London Met
ropolitan Police Athletic association,
who is living at the New York Police
club, according to the New York
World.
Don't Expect to Be Shot.
Crime wave, you say?" he asked,
qulzzically, when questioned on the sit
uation in London. Why,-w we have our
good and bad spells, like you do here"
He then explained that London ap-
points 1000 constables a year. He
said the force had been depleted by
more than 1000 during the war, many
of the men never returning. But even
in normal times, he explained, the de-
partment requires 1000 new men an
nually.
"Have any of your policemen been
killed by criminals, as happens here
once in a while?"
why, no; hardly ever; that would
be a record" he replied.
"How's that?"
"Our men are not armed"
"Why?"
"NO need for tia criminal does not
expect to be shot, and suppose he
does not care to risk being found with
a gum" responded the Londoner
Few Policemen Are Killed.
London policemen are promoted
fright Off for especially good work, In
spector Spriggs explained. He said
that almost every man entering the
department in the last year or two
had been a soldier.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
GIANT BOMBING PLANE

size of those planes?" Senator Len
root, Wisconsin, asked.
1--WE have not reached 1t yet"
as 1t reasonably possible that they
may attain such size as to make de-
struction of any dreadnaught beyond
question:" Mr.. Lenroot asked.
why, l believe that they have got
ten to that point already" Col. Bane
said. "There is one way to decide
that. and that Is TO try It,"
"YOu think they can destroy any
dreadnaught?" Senator Mcclellan,
Tennessee, asked.
Absolutely" Col. Bane replied.
The committee was so impressed
with this and other testimony that il
increased the appropriation OF Sl9-
100000 made by the house for aircraft
to S2SOOG,O00 S5.OOO,OOO to be spent
in experiments and 100000 for new
aircraft.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
BrOnChO Busting
Near Its End

Indians, who have a reservation not
far from Globe. But there isn't much
chance of getting the Arizona ponies
for the broncho busters of Wyoming,
for the Indians won't give them up.
Growing Shorter.
The day of the wild herd of horses
roaming the plains of Wyoming and
adjacent states has been growing
rapidly shorter with the encourage
ment Of civilization. More and more
ranches are being fenced in, herds Of
cattle are reduced or confined, and
to make the matter worse for the ex-
istence Of the wild steeds, oil drilling
camps have been extended over wide
areas Of Wyoming, northwestern Colo
RADIO and Utah.
But down on the San Carlos Indian
reservation there are 10000 wild
steeds, roaming at will over the fields,
destroying mile after mile of grazing
land which might be put into good
use for cattle, and turning green grass
of the prairie into a scrawITy covering
AOA NliCll DOneo WHICH Adluiy huhSS
even a decent meal for an Indian.
The cattlemen have tried to buy
them, but the Indians wouldn't listen.
The government, through A. II. Sy-
monds, Indian agent, offered to pur-
chase them at about SO a head invest
the money in cattle and save the meat
from the horses, giving it back to the
Indians for winter food.
Horses Are Worthless.
But the Indians would have none
of it. The horses are worthless, even
for hides. They cannot be domestl-
Gated and the meat isn't much of a
delicacy, but the Indians insist on
their age-old prerogative to have their
herds out on the open prairie even as
their fathers did. The Indians also
have about 1000 wild burros which
they say they will keep.
"And when an Indian makes up his
mind" Symonds says. you've got to
have patience to get him to change
1t. They are proud of the horses and
burros for some reason, and although
some of their leaders have tried to
persuade them to accept the offers
made, so far they have refused to
sell"
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18

in London, the Inspector said, for the
public houses are open only from
six to ten o'clock at night. Recently
London has appointed pollcewomen,
principally for welfare work and pa
troll duty in the parks and public
places. There was also recently en-
acted a law against possession. Of fire
arms-although the criminal element,
he emphasized again, does not carry
a gun.
Inspector Spriggs said the courts
support the police "splendldly," al
though first offender is hardly ever
sent to jail
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
United States Army Is Building
a New Type of Machine.
Capable of Sinking Hostile 5attIeshIp
$50 Miles Out, officer Tells SEN
ate Committee.

Washington, d. C.-The army IS
building a new type of giant bombing
plane capable of sinking any hostile
dreadnaught that ventures within $50
miles of American shores.
This assertion was made before the
senate military affairs committee by
Col. T. II. Bane, army aviation service
Two of these planes are already
nearing completion. They will be the
biggest heavier-than-air machines in
existence. and capable Of carrying a
bomb weighing 10000 pounds. They
win cost $4,000.
us there any conceded limit to the
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18

Fish are believed to have a keen
sense Of smell.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
Bad Stomach
Sends Her TO Bed
for 10 Months
EafOnEc Gets Her UPE

"Over a year ago" says Mrs. Dora
Williams, 81 took to bed and for 10
months did not think 1 would live
Eatonic helped me so much l am now
up and able to work. 1 recommend II
highly for stomach trouble"
Eatonic helps people to get well by
taking up and carrying out the excess
acidity and gases that put the stomach
out of order. If you have Indigestion
sOurness, heartburn, belching:' food re-
peating, or other stomach distress, take
an EatOnic after each meal. Big box
costs only a trihe with your druggists
guarantee.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
Said There viii Be No More Wild
Horses in Rocky Noun
tain States.
CIVILIZATION SPELLS FINISH
Ranches Are Being Fenced and No
More Do Wild Horses Range the
Plains Of Wyoming and
Adjacent States.

Denver, Colo.-Broncho busters Of
the northern Rocky Mountain states
are about to go out of business, accord
ing to reports from officials of wild
West and frontier shows. The reason
is there aren't any wild horses to
bust. At least not around Wyoming
and this part of the country.
But down in Arizona they have wild
horses to eat. There are 10000 Of
them. They belong to the San Carlos
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18

Frost Proof Cabbage Plants Ready Now. All
varieties S1.25 per 1000. Guarantee to please
you Potato Plants ready March 20. Write
for price lisr. Sheer Plant Co, Valdosta. Ga
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
Fooled bv a ascrap Of Paper"

Cincinnati, GA scrap Of paper
prevented the theft of an automobile
belonging to Virgil Frakey, a night
school teacher. When he heard the
engine Of his car he hurried out Of the
classroom in time to seize youth,
who gave his name as John John
sey, Memphis, Tenn. Frakey had
placed the piece of paper between the
points of the ignition coils, and when
the engine went dead it gave Frakey
time to get busy.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1921-03-18
Watch for Dlphtherla.

Washington.-Thi is the diphtheria
season. Don't worry about the "hu"
this winter; 1t is unlikely to return.
Worry about diphtheria; worry
enough, anyway, to have your doc
tor determine by asimple test whether
you and your children are immune.
If they are not, protect them by the
new method of immunization.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1921-04-19
Beecher's Broken
Hands Give Bloom
Credit for X. o.
Bout Stopped After Eighth
Round, With the Ghetto
Lad Unable to Continue

Phil Bloom. Of Brooklyn, scored a
technical knockout over Willie
Beecher, the Ghetto veteran, after eight
rounds Of desultory milling at the
Broadway Club in Brooklyn, last night.
AS the eighth round ended it was an
nounced that both Of Beecher's hands
had been broken in the early stages of
the bout, and Bloom received credit
for K. 0.
Up to the finish neither boxer was
in distress. Few damaging blows were
struck, although Bloom piled up
points by the constant use Of tan
talizing left jab.
In the fourth Beecher landed a ter
rife left to the jaw, sending Bloom to
the ropes. Two rounds later Beecher's
left hung at his side, limp. In the
closing rounds Bloom scored often
without return. The weights we're:
Beecher, 40; Bloom, 1423a.
The scheduled ten-round semi-fnal
ended abruptly. Willie Harmon, of
Brooklyn, and Harry Thiel. of East
New York, welterweights, were the
contestants, and at the end of the sec
ond round it was announced that the
club physician refused to permit Thiel
to continue. as the boxer had sprained
his ankle. Harmon gave Thiel a drub-
blng In the two rounds.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1921-04-19
Father and Son Meet
On Local Links lime 27

Two bills which would have affected
tournament, which has become one Of
me features of metropolitan COMPETE
uon' VIII be played on June 81 over
This tournament was first held in 1915'
but in 1918. due to the war, there was
no meet. '
-, In the first year of the competition
Charles D; Cooke and his son, Everett
g., were the winners. In 1915 Dever-
aux Emmett and Deveraux jr., who is
now a member of the Harvard Golf
team, won the trophy. Albert B. Ash
forth and his son H. Adams Ashforth.
led the parade in 1917, and in 1918 the
honor went to Theobald r. Grimler and
Richard 4. Grimler. w. Rossiter Belts
ana w. Rossiter Belts jr. carried of
the spoils last season.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1921-04-19
New Record Likely
In Long Distance
Classic in Boston

BOSTON, April 1s.-The American
seventy-seven athletes have entered
Will be held tomorrow over a course
that was put into record breaking con-
ddltlon to-day by rains. The twenty
hve-mlle lane, extending over roads in
three counties, between Ashland and
this city, was arranged for the event.
as in other years, by officials of the
Boston Athletic Association, who re-
ported. after survey this afternoon.
that the surface was hard packed and
conducive to the fastest running,
1t was over such dustless thorough
fares that Mike Ryan, of New York.
raced to the record of hours Is is
seconds in 1912, and with fair weather
indicated for tomorrow fast time ia
expected. Stiff competition is antici-
pated, as four recent winners of the
event will oppose one another in seek
ing the laurels again.
Edonard Fabre, Of Montreal. winner
IN 1915, was entered from St. Albion
sus A., A., of this city; William J.
Kennedy, the New York bricklayer.
who won in 1917; Carl w. A Under. OF
quincy, running as q member of the
b. A. A., and Peter Trivoulidas, Of New
York, the native Of the plains Of Mara
thon,. who upheld traditions in win
ming last year, all have announced thew
VIII contend. 80
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1921-04-19
French Trackmen Make
Hit i'm First Workout

PHILADELPHIA, April 49, The
French trackmen, here for the Uni
versity of Pennsylvania relay carnival
next week, had their first workout to-
day on Franklin Field. They showed
fine form, according to Lawson Robert
son, the Pennsylvania coach, and other
experts who saw them in action,
Robertson particularly was impressed
with Castor Ferry, quarter-mile cham
plon of France: THAT boy is classy
runner" he said. "He has a fine, free
stride and uses his arms to help him
along, as do our leading American
Coach Rene De Leliva Of the French
team said he counted on Ferry and Cap
tain Delvart as the mainstays Of his
medley relay and one-mile relay teams,
Other members of the squad are r.
Gouliieux, U. Seurin and R. Biget, all
OF whom appeared to be in the best of
condition.