davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

to hear once again the melliflu-
Gus Tones of that Voice which, to
him, sounded like the far-away
Echo of an Angel Choir within a
bower of Orchids.
So they exchanged Photos.
Next to the Miniature painted
on Ivory, the Modern Photo is the
prize Bunk Of the Universe.
A successful Photographer, who
has learned the Tricks and made a
slight Study Of Human Nature,
can take a Grass Widow of 48,
who Is troubled with Wild Hairs
and other Excess Ornaments, and
by tampering with the Negative
he can make her out 10 look some
thing like Elsie Ferguson. Then
she can send the Picture to her
Relations who live long way off
and they will never know the
Difference.
The Girl sent Harry a High Art
Panel of herself, in which she was
lookins at something in a tree.
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

time that he was a Beautiful
Creature. He sent one to the
Girl and wrote that it was a bum
Likeness and did not do him Jus
tice, and so on.
In acknowledging Receipt, she
cut out the "Dear Mister" and
came right at him with "Dear
Friend" which gave him such
stroke Of Joy that he did very
little Work that Day.
Harry did not have Gumption
enough to evolve any deep System
for landing a Tid-Bit, but he had
accidentally hit upon the Cinch
Method.
SO long as Courtship consists Of
sending idealized Likenesses and
exchanging nice long Letters,
there is but little charce of max
ing Miscues. He never drops in
Of an Afternoon to find her in
Blue Wrapper and drying her
Hair and AAs never catches him
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

and when he gazed at II, he had a
Palpitation and said, "This is bet
ter than l thought it was"
He told himself that It would
be a Pleasure and a Privilege to
walk up to something like that the
1st of every Month and hand it the
Envelope.
He got a clean Shave and put
on his Other Clothes and went
and had himself Taken by an
Artist who charged SO a Dozen
Sd for the Pictures and 81 to
square his Conscience.
This Specialist could take any
Set Of Misfit Features and rear
range them into a Work of Art.
He put Harry in Front Of the
Bulls Eye and scrooged him
around so as to blanket the pro-
tuberant Listeners as much as
possible and then he told him to
think Of Money and look Pleasant.
When the Pictures were deliy-
cred. Harry realized for the first
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
BY GEORGE AIDE

smelling Of Cigarettes and Onions,
both at the same time.
When il comes down to close
Work in a Parlor, there is always
the Risk of having Herbert Buttin-
sky on hand to make his Party
Call. He who tells his Love by
U. s. Mail never hears anything
about the Third Party. He lives
in the sweet Delusion thet he has
bought up the whole House.
Harry's Letters to the Girl and
the Girls Letters to Harry be-
came more and more on that
Order, until at last they began to
burn holes In the Mail Bags.
After comparing her Picture
with all the Parlor Favorites that
he met on his Social Rounds, he
realized that she outclassed all
other Representatives of her sex.
In her cosy Flat, far away, she
had him propped upon the Piano
in a silver-gilt Frame and featur-
cd to beat the Cars. Any one whs
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

To prove that this Is no Idle
Jest, it can be demonstrated that
the marrying Girl usually goes on
the Road a while before she signs
up.
The Trotter could not forget the
Girl from Another Town. She
pulled out next Day but he locke i,
up the Address and sent her the
Dance Programme that he had
found in his Overcoat Pocket. She
wrote back that II was Awfully
Sweet Of him to remember poor
little Me and then she asked one
or two Questions. That gave him
a Hunch, so he bought a new kind
of Writing Paper, said to be the
Latest Agony, and he wrote a
nice Long Letter in which he told
her that she was very easy to
look at, and that when It came
to picking them up and setting
them down she made all the other
Girls Of his Acquaintance look like
Cripples.
She returned the Serve with one
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
By Skillet Finn

all up lengths she used and charge
him twenty-five This ngrowing demonstration Of
whsh affection made him always dutu and obedent slave to
her every which included the world and suburbs
One day house and asked for dime with
which to purchase q twist Of chewing tobacco.
At the time of the rsquison the domestic budget MrA
Punk nimb in preparing and having just
burned her thumb skillet hot In frame Of
mind something like with trap dangling around Its neck
for q lavaier.
She regarded her husband with hsndsh ddA Reaching for
Spanish omee she let fly him. but he ducksd The wall got
plastered with decorative effect garbage natural
which needed only appropriate frame make look like
oil painting.
He broke dozen her warning to
firing AS each hen pebble forehead flock
Of chimney swallows flew She parried with basket Of
tomatoes which advanced state Of decay after which he
could remain in the kitchen longer.
He retressd cautiously without around lest she should
hit her target with handful wild olives which she
juggling dexteousy He adopted Of wachful waiting
until he had ured her far the woodshed.
Ouce the rustic surroundings his fsvore hiding
had her at his He threw handful Of wdust in her
complexion and blinded her for the He reached
and started hewng his through the
half hour he used her for choppng defy carving
Of synthetic dmpes
plea Of self Defense and
without punctua assaults from double
action, triple-expsnsion asbestos tongus-piece.
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
wear this mornin'?"

Washup This mornn?"
"An fool!" High ask
that Do y ne to catch my O. cold?"
An hour later with daggn proudly between tn
Kaiser trips down tn
loyal subjecks ahead him, his
tn air The acknowledge green
Good mornn swne he an tn door
specon
TIL gardeners up at attention
their hovels gleamn tn momin He
knocks lookn
explains how tn devil haughy
tn inspection O. grounds.
whats ths!" tn
tn ground every which Amt ordered they
with tn stems out? TIL mistake like h
But Won Tankard knows there's such luck
lookin' gum
Folown breakfast Everybody has attend Tn
Kaiser conducts by givin short he
readn chapters his diary At
tn begins Dressed simple blue overau
with gold braid tn tn
a shoulder spends
tn tn healthy pastme watchn his
Ts pleasure listen tn old
half O. Europe sitn ndulgin' this simple
"Try big Won Tankad you'
"A longer stroke"
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

"Get back into it Won Tankard."
Come perspirin' Y be soft. Look My
collar amt wited Y need more exercise"
In this he keeps hse m an his mind often his
which tn number Frenhmen he left before took
his vacation But can't chop yer
bigger wood shed than Kaiser.
He attacked problem
situation he had Tankards
place There he oarn blaze gon all Noth
lights him like wellcut log See him staggern
Tankard Of Summers night with foot piece his
shoulder
Here's beauty, Tanky" he. 81" ought all night
ye watch it."
At o'clock he takes light lunch noodles weners
krau ederrantz after which he
Tankad chance do tn washn make tn beds write tn
Kaisers don sayins tn monn These then corrected
the who inserts sayin thinks
sad whereupon it's signed counersgned an placed tn
archives under tn hall stairs.
Durin' the tn his garden
limit tn mans Look stin' wheebarrow
snappin' orders
"By tn numbers, Won Tankad three
think I'll allow them geranums planted yesterday
the other side tn There's peekn
tn gate. Hand q shovel, Adolph." -..s.r..
At hapast four wheels hp back to the house. All the
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

dropped In to see her was made to
understand that he was merely
an Understudy, who was being
used as a Time-Killer.
She used to write to Harry and
tell him about her Callers and
what Chumps they were and then
let him draw his own Conclusions
as to who was the real white-hair-
ed Papa.
Finally Harry took an Overdose
OF Nerve Food and asked her right
out, would she? The answer came
back by Wire and the same Day
he sent sealed Express Package
containing the Ring.
After which they began to lay
Plans to have a Wedding and
learn the Truth.
To be continued in our Mex,
MORAL; Absence makes he
Heart grow Spongy.
Copyright, 1871, BY The SeU
Syndicate, Ire.)
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
BY ED. STREETER

others done n but this remarkable
started out. How does he manage do It?
Durn the hour before dinner to come in
an listen to him play tn pco an instrument just
At dinner tn xKaser sits head while Won Tan
kard actin Minister the Interior at
foot tn household lined the
exKaser jolly these occasions tells jokes
copies Die Flgendebdder Won laugh
in first When he's through tn
Kaiser tn laugh in the order o. their rank
Dun the evenin William by Tankard
chess Won could beat him with his closed three
to would be good gettn a
had night but he Of
which tn exKaiser chance to steal his
About midnight tn Tankard
to read him sleep tn faithful fellow
wants till when has
stick pickin papers. ..-
No, son. don't waste sympathy royalty
suern from indigestion It's their faithful followers
takes their exercise that makes
class O. people in tn world what rules vigorously
what amt got nothn to rule.
putin em all island try on each
other. AMOS H. AMESBY.
Faith
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

tlme-honored jobs-these men con-
slider this a most pertinent ques-
ton.
The President of the United
States has asked all the nations
of the world to assemble delegates
in Washington next month to dis
Gus the question Of limiting the
armaments Of the leading nations.
The common people are discuss
ing the doing away with battle
ships and poison gas and bomb
ing airships. They are regarded
as a menace to further progress
of civilization.
A large and wide program has
been laid out for the prospec-
tive activity of the delegates to
the conference. Almost every
thing under the sun has been
mentioned as the sort Of thing
that should be limited. That
is, all but one thing-and those
who have thought Of that one
thing are becoming positively
hectic in their efforts to impress
on Secretary Hughes and his ad-
visers the necessity of including
it in the agenda Of the coming
conference.
The distinguished head of the
State Department has thought of
everything under the sun that
might make nations belligerent or
permit one to take an unfair
advantage Of the other save only
one thing
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
TEARS!

TEARS!
In their intense passion for dis
armament will the women Of
the world be willing to give up
their chief weapon? Offensive
in a manner of speaking, and de-
fensive without any question!
Planets pause in their flight
through space, worlds cease to
revolve, nations stop Juggling the
exchange rate and even motor
men Of street cars grow pale
with doubt and anxiety. Will the
women forego the use of their
peculiarly feminine, their sure
fire, automatic. bulls-eye scoring
engine of destruction-the active
and free flowing tear duct7
Since the question has been
brought up the demand is unan-
imous.
Women in public life are as
ruthless in their use Of tears
as their more obscure sisters.
Limitation Of tears, at least
on the part Of women in political
life should be considered at the
coming conference. It puts their
male antagonists in the game of
politice at an unfair disadvantage
and the piling up Of such arma-
ment endangers the peace be-
tween the sexes. Tears as a
weapon in a war between the
sexes would be deadly and inhu-
name and should be abolished
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
PLUGS FOR FEMINIST TEAR DUCTS

TN these days-with the Nine
teenth amendment actually at
the bat and the Twentieth
which will give 'em equal rights
and all that sort of thing-on
deck, will the well-known shirt
sleeve diplomacy of song and story
give way to the tear duct system
Of attaining supremacy?
Are the Honorable Ambassa-
doress Samantha Doolittle and the
equally Honorable Secretaryess Of
State Abigail Hobbs to substitute
the dainty lace-trimmed kerchief
for the time-honored chaw o. ter
baccer to put a period and trade
mark on American diplomacy?
World statesmen tremble! The
election of a second female of the
species to the House of Commons
in England, the prevalence of the
feminine gender in all things con-
nected with Jugo-Slovakia, Bess-
arabia and Mesopotamia; the de-
termination Of the charwoman to
get equal pay for equal work and
the starved and hunted look about
the bargain hunter in these days
Of business depression-phycho-
logical and other~1se-all of this
is making the men who make the
laws watch the women who are
making history with eagle eyes.
And right now these iaw-making
men, clutching Historically at the
atmosphere as they are being
slowly but surely backed off their
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
DEAR SON:


JUST been readn about the exKaiser There's
been times in tn past when felt for the old It's
tough find yerse out after been partnership
with Godeven though tn Junior pare didn't take much
interest But it's tn that's workn fer him has
sympathy
lads what's expected along when slips safety
tn jewels his pocket an the crossn
flag tn milk When business good troubles well
distributed As tn into bankruptcy though
royal follower has tn andin tn eadn road
"Uncle Toms Cabin At tn he's
raiser Uncle Tom ecrcian little Ea bloodhound OCCASION
has out an be the audience Ts all work
which makes Jack a dull boy if it don't kill him
friend Chancellor
Field Marshall handy the He these
quick change artists look like dresn fer Opery
foler him around fer a day, you en- fast enough
Every mornin $3.50 tn Kaiser springs bed with
och It's been observation that them what
wants an them what en- lie abed does.
"Where's that hound Won Tankard?"
clothes his his mustahe
night.
present Wahup" Won Tankard
tn bed disguised tn Royal Valley "An' what medals
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
hn. .a'ar.woas .DsTToi
By CAROLINE VANCE

militants during the suffrage
campaign. The hardening pro-
cess Of fighting her way in and
out Of jails, inaugurating hunger
strikes. apparently had no effect
upon her tear ducts for the tears
well up as blithely as ever. Elsie
is not at all consistent in her
spells Of lachrymation.
She looked stonily enough into
the eyes Of many q judge who
pronounced sentence upon her for
her picketing proclivities. but it
is such things as a shooting star
or a Methodist hymnal that will
bring the tears she claims. Anita
Politzer, her first lieutenant, de-
clares that some one ought to 20
around after Elsie with a supply
Of putty to dam up the tears
ducts when they threaten to
overflow.
Are sniveling stateswomeu go
ing to be common sight about
the Capitol? Miss Alice Robert
son INDUCES freely in the fem
ininc dissipation of shedding
tears. She succeeded in sailing
her ice-cream to such an extent
at luncheon given in her honor
that 1t became uneatable. This
dilution Of the desert was occa-
stoned by Miss Robertson's reflec-
tion upon her lack Of sons. She
declared she would rather be a
happy. though obscure mother,
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
NCE there was a Glass,

~ NCE there was a Classy
~ Hoofer who went to
Dansante and there met
Dulcinea who had come to visit
q School Friend. q
He gavotted a few Lines with
the Lily. They found it very easy
to catch Step together and he did
an expert Job of Plotting so as
not to get her mussed up, and the
consequence was that he made a
Tall Impression.
Whenever a Debutter goes
away to visit School Friend, she
always meets some Local Adonis
who looks to her to be about go
per cent better than the stock of
Johns in her own Burg. And after
a Nice Girl has had a long and
prosperous Run on the Home Cir
cult and then begins to curl up at
the Edges and show signs of
Frost, she will find it a very wise
Shift to try new Territory and
the Chances are that she will
make a Ten-Strike.
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

than to be President Of these
United States.
jeanette Rankin. the first
woman in Congress is remem-
bered chiefly because she sobbed
when obliged to vote on the war
question.
And so-and so, as the late
Mr.. Gilbert was accustomed to
write repetitively-the dear wo-
men of the country are much up
wrought. Shall they let the con-
ference take its course or give
old Mother Nature free rein. Only
one free pass is possible under
the rules Of the international
game.
There is also this complication
to the situation. IL limitation Of
tears is agreed upon in inter
national affairs ard in business,
will this also apply to private
wars-that is, domestic affairs!
Is wifey barred from resortiny to
tears when the biscuits burn or
when q couple is living in q
boarding house and hence there is
no rolling pin handy when hubby
stays out late at night?
Time and time alone can an
swer. And as time has a lot
OF plain and fancy answering Of
other queries this question will
simply be compelled to take il.
place in line and wait its turn.
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
fight on battle grounds.

combined When fell friend enemy the intruder
crushed a than goblet Of home brew that has been waiting
for Congress % declare a soldiers bonus.
She spoke kind word where ur would suffice
Her chief manicung implements Of and
blacksmths rasp a chisel a oothpick
stchen wrench for curling ron My, whata whaa
skag
She always mingled attitude for her
undered half she needed wood chopped would
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

AT has shadow Skillet Firms exclusive
album Of sstmade failures burr
crack In your bare hands.
Nobody leaned enough go
other Whatever would proved innocent
she grabbed glance obsolete stuff when
It solving the Internal problem Of vivisexion
Bu the camor of public sentiment yielded the
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

along with poison gas and dunn
dunn bullets.
Elsie Hill, the chairman of the
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

National Woman's Party. admits
that she shed tears with the
utmost facility. This is remark
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

able. in view Of the fact that
Elsie is militant. In fact she
was the most militant of the
The Washington times., 1921-10-16

had a vocabulary all her IN.
Punks disposition heavier the internal
floating England Russia the United States
The Washington times., 1921-10-16
mouth, she electrified the air.


dssect the native Of Vera Punk who everything and
that her name duplicates
a
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1921-01-10
LOCAL BUSINESS MEN
THANKFUL FOR GOOD
BUSINESS; ALSO HOPEFUL

The merchants of Lakeland are
we'll satisfied with the business for
the year just closed, Since taking
stock they are now in a position to
tell where they are in the matter,
and while none of them made any
great big amount of money they are
satisfied with the substantial patron
age they received and really are glad
they are living. Also there is very
little pessimism among them, though
they realize they must be conservative
in the matter of buying until things
get normal.
Business conditions for the past
twelve months have been very much
unsettled. This applied especially to
the last half of the year when the
markets went to pieces, and no mer
chant could tell just exactly what to
do The buying public was left in
similar predicament. While some of
them had a little money left, they
did not care to spend it for anything
except the direct necessities, for the
reason that they felt that prices were
coming down, and they were right
about it-prices have come down con-
siderably.
While conditions are not yet stable,
the huSinaSS men are hOnaful that
conditions will become normal with
in a reasonable length of time. Some
of the country's biggest fnanciers,
writing through the daily papers and
the magazines, are very much inclined
to believe that conditions will he sat
isfactorily readjusted by the coming
of summer, if not sooner, and that
there is no reason whatever for any
fears of anything like a panic in f.
nancial and business circles of the
nation.
Some Of the merchants this morn
ing declared that in certain lines of
merchandise the prices had dropped
as much as fifty per cent since last
September
The local business men realize that
they are not feeling the effects of
the REIMBURSEMENT of conditions as
much as the businesses in other parts
of the country on account of the in
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1921-01-10
FRUIT MUST
NOT Be SHIPPED
AS BAGGAGE

A man who has just come from
Michigan relates a disagreeable ex-
perience, on account of his lack of
knowledge of certain rulings of the
commerce commission The man had
brought down a lot of very fine APP
pes from his home state, and, not
thinking, he included them in his
baggage. Enroute here his luggage
was inspected by an employe of the
railroad, whose duty it is to look af-
ter such matters, and the employee
found the apples, the first clue being
their fragrance, no doubt. And on
account of said discovery, do you
know know what the gentleman from
Michigan had to do? Well, he had
to pay double excess baggage rates
for the gross weight. 1t cost him
about thirty-five dollars extra. Nat
urally he was indignant, but nothing
could be done for him, as ignorance
of the law or rules and regulations
OF the railroads, excuses nobody
not soul
For that reason, and to save per-
haps other tourists a like humilia
ton, one of the Telegram writers
went to headquarters yesterday af
ternoon and examined the tariff book,
which contains all the rules, which
really are laws, as they were adopted
by The director general of U. S. rail-
ways, and the Interstate Commerce
Commission. This law says that no
person is allowed to carry anything
in his or her baggage except wearing
apparel, toilet articles and other ne
cessities of like nature, required
for cleanliness and comfort of the
passengers. This, for one thing. bars
thing else except those above men
toned OF course fruit and other edi-
bles MAY pe cdlIleu III sultcdSeS Vi
parcels in hand, on the train. But
all outgoing and incoming tourists
must keep in mind that they must be
very careful what they put into
trunks, suit-cases, handbag and 9TH
Ell parcels they intend shipping as
baggage, and if there is any great
amount of fruit to be sent, money
might be saved by sending it directly
by express.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1921-01-10
PALMETTO BEACH
MAN PRAISINC IT
FOR IT'S RECOVERY

Il just needed a general, all round
building up and Tanlac has done
that very thing said Manuel Con-
zaies, Palmetto Beach, Tampa, Fla.
recently.
About year and half ago had
a terrible attack of influence which
left me in very weak and run down
condition. 1 never felt hungry
enough to enjoy meal, and I had
hacking cough which kept me awake
nights so 1 just couldn't regain my
strength.
my nerves got me in such con-
djtion at times that couldn't do any
thing but pace the floor for hours, and
any time just the least excitement
would completely upset me.
well, I tried everything I could
hear of in my efforts to get my health
back so l could enjoy life, but moth
ing helped me until I got Tanlac.
But my appetite improved from the
start when I got Tanlac, and now 1
am eating just like used to, never
have that cough any more, and my
nerves are as quiet and steady as
clock. I sleep like log nights, have
gained several pounds in weight and
am feeling better in every way than
I have in years. Since Tanlac has
really made life worth living for me
l am always praising it.
Tanlac is sold in Lakeland by Hen
ley and Henley; in Winter Haven by
Anderson Drug Co., and in Mulberry
by s.. E. Gibson.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1921-01-10

Pierce's Pleasant Pellets in my home
for use when needed. l have given
them 10 my children since the9 were
quite small. They can be given with
safety to the smallest child, owing
to their being free from any injurious
drug. They regulate the stomach,
liver and bowels in a mild, but very
effective way. 1 cannot speak too
highly of DR.. Pierce's medicines. >
MRS. J. B. GILBERT, PIP st. Cath
rine c+~oot All druggists.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1921-01-10

1t is said that the Chinese wash fine
silk in very pure water and as ordin-
airy well-water is unsuitable, it is
purified by putting a quantity of
fresh-water snails into it for day.
These prey on the organic matter it
contains, and therefore act as filters.