davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
DOESN'T KNOW.
DEAR MISS EAIRFAN:

am a boy Of seventeen, l have met girl
my same age l have been out three times with
this girl great deal for her and
know she likes me. Miss Fairfax. YOU know
most Girls expect kisses when you take them
home. and what | want to know is whether or
not this girl likes kissing. | have never kissed
her so | thought YOU could tell me how could
find out if she likes kissing. "PAT.'
No. | didn't know most girls expect Kisses
when you take them out And don't know
whether this girl would like to have you kiss
her or not It's up to you to find out. IT you
were SO very keen about it, you wouldn't stop
~ ask
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Man can't fight like he
used to in 1860 because they
don't make it any moro. The
old feeling of Comradcship
among mon is gone. There
isnothing about an ice cream
soda that makes you want
to try the other fellows
hats on.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

While all this has been
going on with the rough
fined son, man has been slid
ing backward like a kid on
a banistcr. lie is a light
weight financially, a"d bank
rupt LOUDLY. The world is
asleep under a blanket Of
Blue Laws and man lives a
weakened, monOtonous CX-
istcnce, broken only by the
arrival of the seventeen
year locusts.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
RAILROAD POETRY.

An engineer on a small road had
an accident. In haste he wired his
chief:
Engine two blew out a fue. Whatll |
do? (Signed) BILL BLUE.
His chief, having a sense of hui
NOR, replied as follows:
BILL BLUE:
II | were you. here's what Ia do: I'd
make my crew plug up that fue in Engine
two and pull her through to Kalamazoo.
OLDYET NEW.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
STUPID STEVE
AGE OF THIS CENTURY.

Research fans are in accord that
the present century just recently had
it's twentieth birthday, not its twenty
first. II. B. ROSSELL, Q. L. D. and
ELEANOR point out that the first
century began with the year ONE
and ended with the year 100; the
nineteenth century began with 1901
and ended with 1900; the twentie h
began January l, 1901. and not jan
uary !, 1900
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Now that women arc get
ting more manly, let en- join
the next A. T.. i. They are
getting stalwart, and "A lady
general could cry herself into
a victory where a male brig
adler would only get the exit.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
REAL POETRY.

\ Young miss named Ela.
Went out with another girl : fclio"'
What Ella told the fellow
Was nothing to what he told Ela.
Also
\ little Cakic named Jake.
Wore pants as tight as the SKIN OF Shdhc
He spent the evening at the lake,
And when charged l0c for Il mix SNAKE
Cried out, oh for mercys sake
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Statistics show that in
nifty years the AmcriCanCttc
has gained six pounds ton
mage, an inch in height and
a vote. The Historian Zap
per was five feet short,
weighed 10 pounds over the
sCrubbing board and rode a
bicycle.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
HER FIRST CONTRIB.

Signing herself "CHARLOTTH
Russo" a Virginia girl submits some
contributions. with her motto--"lf
this reaches tho waste-basket I'll try,
try again"
charlotte suggests that g. q. =.
should always stand for the grand
old column" and G.. o. O. T. the
Grand order OF Fans Not bad for
u beginner
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
THE DEAF CLERGYMAN.

Tho regular clergyman was
somewhat deaf and asked his as
sistant to make an announce
mcnt regarding some books for
the congregation. The assistant
also had an announcement
"Those having children and wish
them baptized. will please como
TO the back Of the church at
o'clock"
Whcrcupon tho deaf clergyman
arose and stated: Those that
haven't got any can obtain tho
small black ones at 10 cents
apiccc and the large red ones at
o. cents" PEGGY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
FROM NO. 10 ENGINE HOUSE.

\ toreadors son, now with Engine No. 10
Told this story to all the men:
His father in Cary grabbed bull
BY the ring in it, nose and gave a pull
His foot was used as a lance that day
And where the bull went he didn't say.
We had never hea I'd the story before,
But it WAS told by the son OF an Irish
toreador
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

The dubbutantC OF today
il an inch higher. weighs
1876 pounds in tho movies,
and try and invite her out
for "A bike ride. She never
heard Of dishes in the sink,
gets bruises from cotton
garments and can think for
a century without getting
any wrinkles except from
the weather.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

In case of scraps OF paper
between the painted sex and
their escorts. the advantage
will be with the gals. The
shriller tribe have improved
since they discarded hoop
skirts and decided to wear
only the hoops.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
MUSTACHEOFFSI
"CHEXY,S- COMMENTS.

birds OF a feather flock To-
Eether." Yes. the girl who has
RAVEN LOCKS today will have
CROWS feet tomorrow.
He makes $4,000 a year as an
aviator and yet people say you
can't live on air.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

your way through a book, like one
walking slowly through the coun-
tryside, is the only occupation for
man worth while, except making
thought reality.
"Tad,' whose real name is Thad
deus Aloysius Dorgan, is a young
Irish American, and you have seen
thousand that look like him son
the Outside.' The difference is
INSIDE, and "Tad'sn success. like
that of others that succeed i'm wav
worth while, is due to the fact that
it is NOT, as "Tad' says, "boxingv
that gives him the maximum Of
thrills, but it is thinking, reasoning
and studying what men have done.
suffered, thought and achieved in
the past that gives the maximum of
thrills.
"Tad, y being young, enthusiastic.
and Of Irish blood, is, of course
moved by Il fight. But he was not
nearly as much thrilled sitting be-
hind johnson as he beat Jet'ries. or
behind Dempsey as he beat Willard,
as when he walked into the Office
of the editor of this newspaper, with
Grimm history of Michclangclo. in
lis hand, and told what he thought
about the ancient worker of Rome
and what he could do at eighty
years of age. 1t would have sur
prlsed Michclangclo to hear Tad's
praise.
For monkey, the favoritc sport
is climbing u tree; for Il man the
iaVorltc sport is pursuing an idea.
a man who has any other favorite
sport is simply monkey that has
changed the outside, but not the
inside, Of his skull.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

The physical improvement
in the uncertain son has been
due to the interest in out
door life, so much cnCour-
aged by the rent bandits.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Love is like game OF cards.
He calls her Queen She calls
him king" He gives her a dia-
mond. After marriage she cant
get ten spot out of him. Clubs
are trumps. She bcgs. He hands
her a straight and raises tho
deuce. DAN d. LYON.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
TOO YOUNG.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

| am in love with a very dear little girl or
eighteen. We have been going together for
over two years and love each other and only
each other. while We both go out with other boy
and girl friends. Now both feel confident
that some far Off day viii be married, but
to, question Us as ~ whethor You twink We "
eighteen, are too young to become formally en-
p
think the present arrangement for you Of
eighteen is ideal and / would discourage any
formal engagement for the present.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

We hope the gals get taller
and stronger. Tall enough
TO reach n subway strap. but
not strong enough to throw
YOU out Of your seat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
Tad's FaU0rite
Sport

<<TAD,' Whose work you see every
day \ The Times, was asked
recently to name his "favorite
sport" and tcl why it is his favorite
sport. His rely was:
Boxing.
Because it gipesu.c the maximum Of
thrills.
Baseball is a close second NTH me, if
the home team is plying, and winning,
but, all in all, boxing comes first in my
affections. Yours for Y good old slam
bangfeSt. "TAD."
"Tad" being yong, answered
thoughtlcsSly. If hi "favoritc
sport" were boxing, inasuuch as he
hasn't quite the physical makeup
for first class boxer, h. would
probably be taking or selling tickets
at boxing exhibition, or sptuging
some british face, as secondly
1t happens that NTad's" favoritc
sport is READING, AND THINK
ING ABOUT WHAT HE READS,
By making pictures, serious car
toons on serious questions, and
amusing illustrations of current
thought, "Tad" is able to earn as
much as Mr.. Harding'S Secretary
of State will get, plus what the Sec
rotary of the Navy and the Secre-
tary of the Army will get, and then
some more.
Boxing is the favoritc sport of
men that do not think, and what
such men like or do not like is not
of the slightest Importance. Think
,pr REA nTNE npI THINK
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

A Notwithstanding order
from the Police Department might
break up some of the gangs that
hang around 9th, between f and r
streets, and eth and the Avenue.
FRANKIE L.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
Naval Trial? Nonsense!

man who knocked down his friend,
of course, has apologized, and the
man knocked down has accepted the
apology. That satisfies THEM, and
it ought to satisfy everybody else,
including superior officers" who
have yet to undergo the sort of ex-
perience these young men had.
After all, what you want in your
army and your navy is men willing
to fight. All through the war army
and navy officials organized prize
fights for the amusement and in
spiration of the men. That being
so, why all the excitement because
one young man, angry and nervous,
strikes another and knocks him
down!
If a knife had been used, treachery
of any kind shown, the situation
would be otherwise.
Their superior should be glad
that the country produces young
men willing to risk their lives not
only in war, but in any duty, how
ever dangerous, including expert
ments in midwinter; give them Il
good welcome and forget about it.
SO far as Secretary Daniels is CON
cerned, if the matter reaches him,
it is not likely that the three young
men, after being half frozen. half
starved and worn out, will be court
martialed because they were
YOUNG MEN.
Mr.. Daniels was a good deal of a
fighter himself. not so long ago, and
hasn't got over it. He hasn't for
gotten how he allowed himself to be
sent to prison rather than admit
that a judge in his home town had
a right to control his utterances. If
he had met the judge it is likely
that the present Secretary of the
Navy would have had "knocking
down" incident in his record. 1t will
be difficult to persuade Secretary
Daniels that courageous young men
should be Inundated by court
martial after proving that they
possess exactly the kind Of "stuff'
that the navy needs.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
BEATRICE FAIRFAX
~ GIVES
-ADVICE-

TO MY CORRESPONDENTS:
So many letters come to this department
that II is impossible to answer all II them;
But many are similar. one to the othHr ana
il is hoped that IL your letter is not published
YOU may find your answer in the reply TO one
who has written you have.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

They say that an affair be-
tween a boy and girl OF II Is
puppy love" Anyhow, it's dog
goncd serious while 1t lasts.
Ivy.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered L. S. Patent ONCE.
By K. G. B.

Mclean. SOME ICE, please!"
MARC. AND THEY all
m;tteo stopped.
~ n r AND AFTERWARDS
SOMEBODY TOLD
die. me.
S ago. THEY WERE ice
wagon horses.
de' AND EVERY four
p,J years.
WERE IN great de-
mand.
BECAUSE THEY
. were safe.
street. AND NEVER pranced
private AND I'M worried now
. ABOUT THESE
Nj Will horses.
BECAUSE | read.
;. THERE IS not to be.
AN INAUGURAL pa
'A''
FOR MIR. Harding.
AND THE poor ice
G. along. horses.
iONE WON'T HAVE a holt
day.
ovcrnor's IN SWELL company.
AND I'VE wondered.
If YOU couldn't fix it.
,
: on il. WITH THE ice COM
pany.
harness.
TO LET them off.
off the
FOR THAT one day.
ID if. AND GET them a
Il. band.
IL staff. -
= AND LET them pa
r horses. radc.
IL con- AND I'D be willing.
TO RIDE the square
as these one.
If HE'S still alive.
ING us.
AND LEAD the pa
ALLIED. rade.
&C. ! | THANK YOU.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

What has become of the old
standbys-SILICUS" and 81. NJ.
TELLINGYU?" Stir EN- up u bit.
we miss 'cm and don't want to
class them among the dear de-
parted" ONO.
Don't know. The contribs drop in
and drop out as fancy suits them.
Sometimes one gets little "mined'
because some contrib didn't got in,
but the gangs all loyal aud keep
coming alOnC. To-day - icttrrs were
received. Sorry that We can't get
everything inD /.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
OLDYET NEW,

If Postal Telegraph. operator
Of Chicago marries a Postal
Telegraph operator of Michigan,
would this be a western
Cnion?" J. BACkENHE
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
(EI'::11nEAR1. n5EflS
HE TOOK NO CHANCES,

Little Willie-Mother. please hold
my pennies. I'm afraid Mrs. Jones
cat may get them.
Mother-Why, Willie, cats can't eat
money.
Willie-Well, / heard Mrs. Jones
tell you that she got enough money
out of the kitty" last night to pay
all expenses, BACK.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

when they get that burly,
the panic will be on.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Judgc-Mose. you're charged With
stealing two quarts OF liquor. Have
YOU any witnesses?
Mosc--Jcdge. when ah go after
likker alb don't want no witnesses.
TOM CULHANE.
Bill-ThoSc cake trousers look
tighter than skin.
Ed-Thcy are.
Bill--How's that?
Ed--You can sit down in your skin
but you can't in those trousers.
OHIO.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

Tho poor beniGhtcd Hindoo,
Uc does the best he Kin do,
lIo has no clothes to pin to,
And so nc makes his skin do
This is apropos fashion hint.Sk It
the new decollettc was simply a
long split down the back" and that
the new dresses were "draped below
the left hip NJ.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

There were a lot Of old women
in Congress long before they
elected that real one from
Ok lahoma. IONA STILL
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

My one-year-old nephew last night
chewed up a part of the H and S
column of The Times and we've been
thinking he was doing his best to
digest the rarebits of humor therein.
DOC RADFORD.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

A minister last Sunday halted his
sermon TO remark: "Will one Of the
ushers please open some windows |
believe in everyone sleeping in WELL
ventilated rooms"
STUPID STEVE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13
ANAGRAMATICAL CITIES.
HERBERT MARCY, of the Pol

tomac Park police, is a sure speed
nabber. Herbert. and his Lizzie do
rushing business along the snccd-
way. SAYS WHICH.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-13

TO KATE: You write cute poem
about that ball (grub and all for 80
ccnts) but it's too long an ad.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
TOLBERT TO NAME AppOINTEEs
Full Recognition of Nincty-Six Mnn
EXpl0dcS tho McLaurin Theory.

Washington, July 23.--J. w. Tol-
bert holds the destiny Of South Caro-
lima in the palm Of his hand. The
Postotlice Department declares to-
day that /. will not proceed without
the Endorsement Of MIR. Tolbert.
This eXplodes the bombs of John
l.. Mclaurin and others. The master
Of the situation is Tolbert
Some time ago the postonice De-
partment asked the members of Con-
gress from South Carolina regarding
the elevation Of fourth-claSS post
masters TO third-claSS postmasters
There was the implied suggestion
that the members Of Congress would
have something to do with it, When
the members Of Congress took up
with the Postoffice Department to-
day the matter Of Il promotion Of
fourth-class to third class postmas-
ters. the Postoflice Department was
frank in its admission that the men,
bers Of Congress had nothing to do
with the situation.
Very frankly it was stated to the
South Carolina congressman that in
all cases reference was made to MIR.
Tolbert, and that if he gave his 0. k.
to existing postmasters Of the fourth
class they would be promoted, but
If he filed objections to any fourth
class postmaster. the Postonice De-
partment would order an eXamina-
tion.
The bringing to light Of This sit
uation makes clear who is the Re-
publican power of South Carolina.
Up to the present time only one
appointment Of Importance has been
made in South Carolina. Ernest T..
Cochran was named attorney for the
Eastern district. 1t develops that Mr..
Cochran owes his appointment to the
Endorsement of Mr.. Tolbert.
Mr.. T0lbert, it Is learned to-day,
will be consulted and will have pow
er in all appointments in South Car
olina from District Judge TO rural
mail carrier.
TO Clean or New Hone Ccmctcry
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
Fire Insurance Meeting.
OCONEE MUTUAL INSURANCE
ASSOCIATION MEIGTI NC.
Oconcc Farmers Mutual Fire Insur-
ance Association VIII Convene
Thursday, August 18th.

The Farmers Mutual Fire Insur-
,ance, Association Of Oconeest County
will convene in the Court House in
Walhalla OH Thursday, the 4th day
Of August, 1921, at 10 o'clock A.
NJ. This will be the Annual Meeting
the most important meeting Of the
Associa tion-at which the Election
Of Officers and the transaction Of
other important matters will be
taken up.
There are quite number of lady
members Of the Association Gall pol
icy-hOlders being membcrs,) and 1t
is hoped that the female members
will attend as we'll as the male mem
berS. 1t is particularly desired that
this Annual Meeting shall he as rep
resentative as possible, and 10 this
end every policy-holdcr is urged to
attend if possible.
Remember the date and the hour,
and let nothing trivial prevent your
attendance.
j. =. STRIBIIING, President.
j. ID. ISBIiIIII, Secretary.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
Live Stock Insurance Meeting.
OCONEE MUTUAL LIVE STOCK IN.
SURAN NCE ASSOCIATION.
Annual Meeting VIII Be Held at the
Court House in Walhnlla on
Thursday Afternoon,
August 4th, at
2 O'Clock.

The Farmers Mutual Live Stock
Insurance Association of Oconee
County will convene in the Court
House in Walhalla on Thursday, the
18th day Of August, 1921, at Q o'clock
in the afternoon. This will be the
Annual Meeting, which is the most
important Of all our meetings, at
which the election Of officers will
take place and other important bust
ness will be transacted.
II is earnestly desired that every
member shall be present at the An
nual Meeting, and lady members are
urged to attend as well as all male
members. (All policy-holders are
members Of the Association.)
Remember the date and the hour,
and let nothing trivial prevent your
attendance.
II. j.. WERNER, President.
SAM j. ISBELL, Secretary.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
TO Clean on New Hope Cemetery

All persons interested in the New
Hope cemetery are urged to be at
the cemetery early on Friady next,
July Goth, armed with ample tools
for q good days work. Let every in
terested person be present. and come
with a will to do the best days work
performed in long time.
II. NJ. Elrod.
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
HON. GEORGE S. MOWER DEAD.
Was Prominent State Legislator from
Nowberry for Many Years.

Columbia, July 25.-Hon. George
S. Mower, Of Newberry. who had
been in public life in South Carolina
for a quarter Of century, died at
his home in Newberry this morning
His death followed stroke Of par
alySis, which he suffered few days
ago. Mr.. Mower was GS years old.
Mr.. Mower was lawyer in New
berry. He was born in Maine, April
90, 1853. He was graduate Of Bow
doin College. His public life was
best known in connection with his
legislative service, though he was
prominent in Masonic circles and in
business. He was member Of the
Constitutional Convention in 1895.
He served as counsel for the State in
the famous Coosaw phosphate liti-
cation in 1891, and in the election
registration cases in 1895.
Mr.. Mower first served in the
Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1921-07-27
rO DESERT SIX CANrONMENrs
DcvenS and Meade to GO--Jucks0n
May l|ollOw--South Retains One.

washington, July 23.-SiX army
environments will be abandoned by
the War Department., Secretary
Weeks announced to-day. Two Of
the six arc Camp Devens (Massachu-
sctts) and Camp Meade (Maryland.)
The remaining four were not named.
Camp Jackson (South Carolina),
1T was said, probably will be aban-
doned.
The secretary said that one big
cantonment, somewhere in the South,
would bo maintained permanently
because Of advantages Of climatic
conditions.
49, True vrontny will be practiced by
tho department. in reorganizing the
army down to the 10000 total fixed
by Congress for the enlisted strength
for the present, ii was said.
The men will "hike" from posts
where they are stationed to places
to be selected for permanent posts,
he said, cutting transportation costs.
Many commands will be reduced to
bare skeletons OF their present size
and kept at tho old stations, while
others will be entirely eliminated and
placed on the "inactive list" The
secretary said he had cancelled or
ders permitting enlisted men to OBJ
tain discharges upon application dur
ing July. 1t was understood that
applications had exceeded expecta-
tions Of army officers in number and
necesstated cutting off the flow out
OF tho service.
II was reported that the troops at
Camp Meade, Maryland, about 5000
In number, probably would be sent
to Camp Dix, New Jersey, and that
the New Jersey camp would be main
tanned permanently as troop center
for North Atlantic territory