The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1921-07-23

ours it reused me from my sleep,
and l used to consider it funny, and
would sit on the floor and laugh with
demoniac glee. But if | fell out of bed
now it would be necessary to ring up
the Red Cross headquarters for an am
bulance and q few nurses.
at is that sort of thing which makes
age tragic. Every little mishap means
suffering to the elderly individual. Go
Think of it, in silence and alone, Mrs.
Jiggers.
II remember when l first learned to
skate. l was a young man, just grow
ing my maiden sideboards. I should
have learned the noble art when | was
a boy, but my education in honest
sports had been sadly neglected. It's
better late than never, as the old adj
age has it, and so | took up the study
of skating when l was at the voting
age. 1t was on a brilliant winter day,
and all the beauty and chivalry of the
neighborhood had gathered at the
pond to see me do my deyoir.
An expert skater who was present
assured me that there was 40 trick to
it. All 1 needed was confidence, he
said, and l believed him. 1t looked
passing easy, as l watched the others,
gliding over the ice with ease and
grace. So l fastened on my skates and
stood erect, with the help of a couple
of innocent bystanders, and then l
went forward boldly, on my own initi-
alive. Immediately l lost control of
my feet, which previously had been
docile and obedient organs. They
wouldn't do anything l wanted them
to, and the result was that l came
down on the back of my head with
such emphasis that | shook the whole
pond, which was several miles long.
The crack in the ice that l made with
my head was there until the ice melted
in the spring, and then you could see
1t in the water.
II lay there in a comatose condition
for a minute or two, and then scram-
bled to my feet and smiled. Yes, my
dear Mrs. Jiggers, I actually smiled.
The smile may have been a pallid,
sickly thing, but it was true to type
and couldn't have been mistaken for
anything else. l was so little injured
by that cataclysmic fall that l could
smile. Not a bone was broken, not a
joint dislocated. In a few hours I was
as good as new, with the exception of
a lump on the back of my head about
the size of a baked turnip.
"Outwardly / look much as / did
then. People often say to me that l
haven't aged any in a quarter of a
century. My hair is like the ravens
wing my alabaster brow has few
wrinkles, I have the stately and COM
handing port of a man half my age.
But it is all q delusion, Mrs. Jiggers.
l am a whited sepulcher. Inwardly l
am as old as any man, and my bones
are brittle as pipe stems, and my mus
cles are all dried up, and If l stumble
yer a pi%ncushion I disiocate an ankle
or break a leg.
1.-THE other day I stepped on an or
ange peel and came down on the side
walk. I didn't fall violently. In fact,
it took me ten minutes to fall. I strug-
gled so hard to save myself, grasping
at the atmosphere and trying to bal
ance myself like a tight rope walker.
But when I did eventually reach the
pavement I felt as though the end had
come to my misspent life. Ny head
ached for three days, and all my bones
felt out of place, and my teeth were
loose in their sockets. This thing of
being old, Mrs. Jiggers, isn't what it's
cracked I'd to be-"