davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Willie's Question.

The aged lady next door had been
quite Ill. so one morning VIII
lies mother said to her small son:
willie, run over and see how
old Mrs. Smith is this morning."
Wi'lie departed, but in few mo-
ments he came running back and
said: ..
she says it's none Of your bust
ness
"Wny, willie!" exclaimed his
mother. What did, you ask herr"
Just what you told me to-" said
Willie. 81 said you wanted to know
how cid she was"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Our Own
Correspondence
School
How to Become an Actor

plan Is no easy matter.
Ask any star to-day, and
he will frankly and willingly ten
you how he struggled years to gain
his much envied position on Broad.
way. However. to-day Is the day
Of the miraculous. and to keep up
with the times we have had our
experts draft a lesson or two on
acting that will enable the am
bilious to almost gain what they
started out after. Now get your
grease paint ready and follow in.
structions. '~
First-No doubt the first qles-
ton that will pop into the novice's
mind is: Can I act? Therefore
let rs put you at ease Immediately.
II acting were one OF the necessary
requirements, the stage would he
far from overcrowded. as Il IL now.
The only requirements necessary
are: Can you walk and talk?
That's about all the majority Of
actors and actresses do to-day.
Second-You must have a strong
constitution. While the ability to
dodge ancient eggs and vegetables
is not 30 necessary to-day lowing
to the high cost Of food stun as
1t was some years back. still the
ar'' .tious must be hardy. viz: You
must learn to fast. Some actors
and actresses 30 two and three
days, and sometimes longer than
that without eating. Why they do
this you'll learn after you get into
the profession. Wen tell you this
much, It isn't temperament that
makes 'em do 1t.
Third-You must start out to be-
come a star. Every actor and
actress did this. Maybe that's why
we have SO few real stars. But
you can't blame EN-. There's NO
use entering any profession unless
you aim high. So start out to be-
come q star. II you only become
a servant in the second act, don't.
for goodness sake. feel that 1t Is
due to lack Of ability; because Il
is not. Any actor or actress who
has just q minor role will tell you
that they are much better than tbs
star, but the manager Is too much
OF a bonehead to realize It.
Fourth-If you're modest and
hate to talk about yourself you
might Just as we'll give up becom.
ing an actor or actress right now.
Unless you can use the personal
pronoun a." and use It at all times.
no one will ever know whether you
are an actor or actress.
Fifth-You must have a press
agent, someone who can write how
your diamonds were stolen, etc.
Don't start to worry how you're
going to get your diamonds; your
press agentll get 'em for you-in
print. Maybe. too. he'll write how
you saved a child from being run
over by a freight train. No doubt
he'll write this bit Of heroism while
you're frying an egg over gas
Jet in some hall bedroom.
Sixth-You must quote your
salary in four figures. Some actors
and actresses do this so much that
they really believe themselves that
they get as much money as they
say they get, and the only tina
they are, brought back to earth Il
when their landlady gives them
notice TO pay this week or git.
General Instructions - Sore
actresses reach stardom by mn
dering a millionaire or two. whifs~
others become popular by recom-
mending some face cream they
never used. Therefore don't Wort
whether you have talent or not.
Just be shrewd enough to get your
name before the public, and then
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Unfamiliar
Definitions

X n ETER (Gas) - Perpetual
N motion put to work; tho
~ one thing that a woman
can't read and doesn't want to; the
most unpopular means OF keeping
UP with light housekeeping.
Meter (Electric)-Twin sister of
the above; the most unpopular
means of keeping up with current
events.
Steam Radiator-A promise Of
heat; the anvil chorus on the domes-
tic hearth: something which inter-
feres with the arrangement Of the
furniture and the sunny DISPOSE
ton Of the tenant.
Furnace-A giant octupus in the
cellar with hollow pipes and a poor
1 circulation; the bottomless pit for
perfectly good coal that cost SIC
I . ton. ...
Toothpicks-A splinter bouquet
on the cashiers desk Of q dairy
lunch; also worn on the lapel OF
the boarding house sideboard;
never used In public. however. by
those who are too proud to pick.
whishbroom-The porter's sig
nal that the train Is about to stop
and your loose change Is about to
20; q barber shop flourish.
Toothbrush-An earmark Tor
possibly q toothmark) Of civiliza-
lion; used In all the best families.
hut not by all In the best families;
. non-negotiable instrument for the
molars.
Business Man--Anyone who rents
desk space and has Q letterhead.
Up-to-Date Business Man-Any
business man who has more stem.
ographers than he needs, 90 that
ne can Jake the pretty one out to
lunch. aF
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Cutting.

A BOY with large mouth walked
- into a music shop to buy q
mouth-organ. He was shown every
make Of mouth-organ In the shop.
but st!ll was not satisfied.
Look here" said the assistant.
I'VE shall have to measure you for
one. Just try your mouth along
this piano!"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Natural History.

nNE morning when Billy woke up
~ he sat on the floor for some
time gazing at his toes.
Hurry up. Billy, you'll be late for
breakfast" said his mother. why
are you looking at your feet?"
"Well." said the boy, "ain't 1t
funny that one Of my toes is so
much larger than the others? I
had them all at the same time,
didn II"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
What Could He Mean?

OFFICER Ito sailor who has res
~ cued him from drowning)-
THANK you. Smith. Tomorrow I
viii thank you before all the crew
at divisions. s...
Sailcr-Dont do that, sir; they'll
arr k,Il me. .. q. ..
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Catfish.

tSDAUL is an awful fatterer." said
= Clara. Have you noticed It,
dear".' ... 80
why, no." replied Dora. Did
he say that you were pretty'"
! Nm. DEAR responded Clara, but
he said you were" ~,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Her Reward.

TOODFELLOW with newspaper
~ Here's an old bachelor In Ohio
died and left all his money to the
woman who rejected him.
Cyn.cus-And yet they say there
Is no gratitude In the world.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Unaniniw.

g lie your father>and mother In,
- Bobby"
No"
"Then can see your sister,"
mot in. She expected you. too"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

The man said she was fast and
had a good body, although sho
often needed coaxing to make her
90. He was speaking of his auto
mobile.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02
Walls of a
Benedict

IN
I Benedict
! NNE half the married men
don't know how the other
half manage to get OF even,
ings whenever they wish TO.
A girl can catch more mems eyes
with short skirts than with q large
bankroll.
Paris designers are agitated over
the question Of the corset. But.
then. It must be remembered. de.
signers are always agitated about
anything that stays too long.
A poet once chirped something
about figure Of speech. but that
isn't half as important to the aver
age man as figure at the beach.
Where ignorance is bliss, It's
folly to act wise when a girl walks
you close by jeweIry store imme-
diately after you've talked on mar
riage in general.
About the meanest woman we
know Is the wife who won't believe
her husband when he's lying.
The Salvation Army says Q man
may be down. but never out. No,
not unless he releases her hand 90
she can hit him with the rolling
pin.
Marriage, they say, Is an institu.
ton. But there Is at least order
In an institution.
It's q long engagement that
hasn't got q turning point for bet
ter or marriage.
The man who marries for money
later discovers that money isn't
the only thing that talks.
The Declaration Of Independence
Gays all men are created free and
equal. II they get married It can
plainly be seen then that it's no
body's fault but their own.
A hero IN any woman's eyes Is
most any man except her husband.
Usually when they say q man js
q diamond In the rough they mean
he hasn't been trimmed yet by
some chorus girl.
Anderse I and Grimm won repu-
tations for themselves for their
fairy tales, but they don't shine
when 1t comes to some Of the fairy
tales some husbands hand out to
their wives.
At least when prizenghters get
through scrapping there's q hand.
some purse to look forward to.
No wonder some men marry mo-
ton picture actresses. They can
be seen. but not heard.
The man said she was fast and
had a good body, although sho
often needed coaxing to make her
60. He was speaking of his auto
mobile.
Unfamiliar
! Definitions
X n ETER (Gas) - Perpetual
M motion put to work; tho
40 one thing that a woman
can't read and doesn't want to; the
most unpopular means of keeping
UP with light housekeeping.
Meter (Electric)-Twin sister of
the above; the most unpopular
means of keeping up with current
events.
Steam Radiator-A promise OF
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

No wonder some men marry mo-
ton picture actresses. They can
be seen. but not heard.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

A poet once chirped something
about figure Of speech. but that
isn't half as important to the aver
age man as figure at the beach.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

At least when prizeflghters get
through scrapping there's q hand
some purse to look forward to.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

Paris designers are agitated over
the question Of the corset. But,
then. II must be remembered. de-
signers are always agitated about
anything that stays too long.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

Where ignorance is bliss, It's
folly to act wise when a girl walks
you close by a jeweIry store imme-
diately after you've talked on mar
riage in general.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

A girl can catch more mems eyes
with short skirts than with large
bankroll.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

Anderse I and Grimm Won, repu-
tations for themselves for their
fairy tales, but they don't shine
when it comes to some of the fairy
tales some husbands hand out to
their wives. ..
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

NNE half the married men
don't know how the other
half manage to get OF even,
ings whenever they wish TO.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

About the meanest woman we
know Is the wife who won't believe
her husband when he's lying.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

Usually when they say q man ia
q diamond in the rough they mean
he hasn't been trimmed yet by
some chorus girl.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-10-02

The Salvation Army says Q man
may be down. but never out. No,
not unless he releases her hand 90
she can hit him with the rolling
pin.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
Squirrel, and Robins FIaht.

A fierce lawn battle between forces
Of squirrels and robins has been
observed In Mount Vernon. N. Y. The
squirrels and robins on Eleventh
avenue, Mount Vernon, have declared
war upon each other, and each day the
battles are wageing bigger and 'fercer.
Residents on Eleventh avenue have for
some time thrown peanuts on their
lawns for the squirrels and bread
crusts for the birds Of the neighbor-
hood. Three weeks ago few robins
after eating the bread helped them
selves to peanuts and the squirrels
ran away. The first day a few SOUR.
rels attacked the robins and there
was a short but furious fight In which
the squirrels saved their suppers. The
second day about twenty robins
swooped down and the squirrels were
routed. The third day the squirrels
returned reinforced by an equal num-
Der and there was a battle royal for
q quarter Of an hour. 1t WAS a drawn
battle, both sides leaving most of their
peanuts and crusts on the field.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
Lloht on the DEPTHS.

II is said that at depth Of only
200 fathoms the light Of the unclouded
sun penetrating the ocean Is reduced
to equality with the starlight Of a
clear night on the surface. At more
profound depths the sunlight Is en-
tIrely extinguished. Yet there are
both light and color In the abysses,
and at the bottom Of the sea. The
light is OF phosphorescent origin. and
II may be remarked that In general the
fixed marine forms of life are not be-
hind their free swimming allies In
light-emitting powers. There are IL
Limitations produced by the move
ments of abyssal fishes through the
forests Of phosphorescent sea-pens,
fan corals, red corals, and other Alcy-
onaria. The colors Of deep-sea animals
are both brilliant and varied.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
DUE HONOR TO WILSON

A non-partisan demonstration was
held today at the residence of for
mer President Wilson. The demon
stration was planned by committee
of seven prominent women, Demo-
Gratis, republicans and independents,
AMI it was entirely informal and was
declared by its sponsors to be intend
ed as a method of "congratulating
Mr.. Wilson, a wounded soldier, upon
his return to health"
Such a demonstration was very
fitting for Mr.. Wilson is indeed a
wounded hero of the Great World
War, whose end he did so much to
bring about.
The Nichols Journal.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

Co. Supt. Emma Thompson re-
turned Sunday night from Wichita
where she had been in attendance at
the state teachers convention. She
said there was a large crowd there
but the program was not as inter
esting as formerly. While in Wiehits
Miss Thompson and Miss Josie Walk
er called on Mrs. Culley, who was
at one time teacher in the Liberal
city schools.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
DEMOCRAT SUBSCRIPTION
DRIVE is NOW ON
! New Subscriptions and Renewals Are
Taken at Rate of 81
Per Year

The Democrat is not believer in
the giving of prizes to secure circu-
lation, and for that reason has never
conducted any prize contest to get
new subscribers. However we need
subscribers as badly as any paper, as
we must keep our list growing, and
whenever we have felt the need of
adding a bunch of new names, have
cut the price temporarily, giving the
subscriber the benefit of the reduc-
tion--putting the saving in his own
pocket.
In order to make the proposition
fair to new and old alike, during this
period we have allowed old subscribers
to pay in advance at the same rate.
This has not only proven popular in
the past, but it is proving so at this
time. New names are going on the
list in rapid succession, and the old
subscribers are paying up a year or
two in advance at the low rate.
81 per year is all it takes to get on
the Democrat list while this drive is
on. Just how long it will last we do
not know, but we reserve the right to
quit at any time we have as many
names as we want at this time.
The regular price of the Democrat
is s1.5O per year. All during the war
period when paper was out of sight
the game hard to keep from raising
the rate and actually lost money on
time it costs us $1.56 to send the pa
per year, but we have the largest
list of any Southwest Kansas paper
and we intend to keep it that way.
during this period we will only take
subscriptions within Seward and adj
joining counties at this rate, but we
want the paper to go to every home
in this territory.
Send your subscription in or call
and leave it--one to five years in adj
vance at 81 per year. None over 1lVe
years.
We have just installed another type
setting machine and expect to enlarge
and improve the paper all the time.
We are now printing from IL to six
teen pages and giving all the news
worth while. The Democrat is the Of
ficial city and county paper and a
booster for the Southwest.
If you get copy of this week'spa-
per it is an invitation to subscribe
lust a dollar is all it takes now.
If you are a subscriber and your
neighbor does not take the paper tell
him about the Dollar Deal and show
him your copy. Our friends can help
us a lot by doing this and we will ap-
preciate it.
1t is our intention to make the
Democrat the leading paper OF South
west Kansas and at the rate we are
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
THERE WITH
THE CASH PAYMENTS

Missouri government bodies have
passed a bonus bill allowing $751;
100000 for financial compensation
to the heroes of the World War
Here's to Missouri. The people OF
Kansas will be given an opportunity
to show their appreciation to the ex'
service men in the next election by
voting the Kansas Compensation bill
which will allow $13,O0O,000 to oul
states ex-soldiers of humanity ant
Democracy. We trust Kansas to dc
the right thing first, last AMI all the
time.
The Nichols Journal.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
yapan's Fight on HydrophobIa.

The japanese are inocuating dogs
instead of people to prevent rabies,
which is now widespread" in that
country, says the New York Evening
Post. The bacterlologist Umeno and
his coworkers at tie Kitasnto Insti-
tute for infectious diseases have per-
fected a method Of proDhylactic In
oculation that can be given the dogs
In one or two shots. In all, $1,000
dogs have beer treated and In not a
single instance has any one Of them
been found suffering from rabies In
stead OF the usual methods Of killing
nad and stray dogs, the japanese
medical experts are advocating lnocu-
lation OF MI the dogs Of japan.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
MONEY WISELY SPENT

The annual Red Cross enrolment
is now going on throughout the Uni
ted States. No money is better spent
than the money spent by the Red
Cross and your enrolment fee of 81
is money spent, the spending of
which you can never have reason to
regret. Pay your dollar before the
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17
Phone II

going it will not be great time until
we achieve this goal. We owe lot
to the good friends who have helped
us thus far, and we hope they will
keep boosting for US.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

Guy X Cogswell of the Cogswell
Auto Supply company of Wichita, is
in the city few days sizing up the
territory with view to locating a
branch house here. His firm handles
tires and auto accessories, and does
a wholesale business. He is very
favorably impressed with the city
so far, and is Of the opinion that it
possesses advantages as a wholesale
point.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

Step into the post office and pay
your Red Cross enrolment dues be-
fore the twenty-fifth.
The Nichols Journal.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

O. T. Wood who recently retired
from the office of United States
marshal, will soon return to Liberal
to take charge of his ranch here. He
has driven his car on official business
354,180 miles or over Ia times the
distance around the world
The Nichols Journal.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

Mrs. Ida Shelly who has been visit
ing in the city for some time returned
to her home in Doctor, ILL.,, Thurs
day.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

Alvin R. Heidebrecht of Bucklin,
was business visitor in the city
Tuesday.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

C. G. Sturgeon was down from
Moscow Monday, doing some trading
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

George Bane was in from the farm
near Hugoton Sunday and visited at
the home of his sister Mrs. R. N. Cum
ningham.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

]. A. McCleary of Dodge City,
was a Liberal isitor Monday.
The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1921-11-17

George Orr of St. Louis was a vs.
itor in the cityFriday.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1921-09-02
BIG BROTHERHOOD CAMP
BOYS GUESTS OF ElKS
LoIIypops, Chocolates and Water.
melons Provided-Addresse Made

Boys of the Big Brotherhood Camp at
Parkland, on the Neshaminy Creek,
were made guests of the Philadelphia
Lodge Of Elks yesterday.
The boys, sixty in number, range In
age from twelve to sixteen years. They
come from community houses in the city
and are admitted for a weeks camp
ing without charge.
The program was one OF unusual In
terest and was provided by the boys.
1t Included baseball, swimming and
running races and other sports.
The Elks provided every. boy with
lollypops, chocolates aud watermelon.
Short addresses were made by Charles
I. Grakelow and Judge" Louis Gold
smith.
Included in the party Of Elks were
Mr.. Grakelow, exalted ruler Mr.. Gold
smith, past exalted ruler f. L. Train
er. William H. Wolf, J. S. Kaufman,
Roy Smith. George Horn, Ferdinand
Rosenberg Charles ii. Mccullough.
Horace Finnery, VI. Marquee and
Frank l.. Raw.
Il am pleased, said Mr.. Grakelow,
after making a thorough investigation
Of the camp, with the accomplishments
made by the Big Brother Association,
and next year the Elks will not only
provide a larger camp but will finance
the project entirely. 1t is pity be
added, that more of the applications
for camp could not be honored.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1921-09-02

of course, hoped | would become one OF
| these in time. Strange to relate
seemed to BE- almost stupid. | never
had an opinion to offer. l could not
even describe anything had seen or
heard. In fact, preferred to potter
around our country place, dreaming
quiet. peaceful little dreams, with no
particular object to them. At first he
was disappointed and then each of his
friends took me in turn and tried to
develop or graft on if necessary some
specie of talent. / seemed to have a
passing understanding of almost any
thing that was related to me, but |
never seemed TO develop any special
talent One of his friends said my
brain was a remnant counter of talents
"A little of everything, and not enough
of anything.
I'VE parted, not in anger, exactly,
and then came the war, and when |
came back in this shape ! dreaded to
meet him with my remnants OF body
as we'll as mind, but now | have feel
ing | would like TO see him, for now
the horror has passed feel sure | could
tell him a good. clear story of my cN-
ppriencp, and with his wonderful gift
of oratory he might be able to bring
before the people of this country the
real story Of the \. h. +. expedition
and make them realize what our boys
lid over there"
The lad wrote his letter. and a few
days later advised Recompense that his
father would be there the next day.
They waited for him in the rose garden.
and the boy who was watching eagerly
for a sight of his tall. handsome father,
with his proud but gracious manner.
was startled to see him hesitating at tie
gate with an humble, almost timid look
on his face. Neither did his father seem
to be noticing him in the least. ana as
for Recompense. she passed him with :
out a word. going forward to the man
who now entered eagerly.
And it was some time later after
many explanations that the boy re-
marked: After all, father, the prom
| se in her name, Recompense. has been
fulfilled by her care of Remnants.