The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1921-04-14


people won't take a hint, In order to
keep them off the premises, Sophie
Will have to stand at the front gate
with a double-barreled shotgun, and
that would interfere with her house
work
IF a man marries a woman who
has a string of undesirable relatives,
he should at once take his bride away
from them. Let him board a fast train
and travel as far as the rails 90, and
then mosey into the brush, and per-
haps he'll escape the wrath to come,
If he camps down in the old home
town. where those relatives are hang
ing out, he is sure to have trouble.
MY third wife was gifted with many
uncles and cousins and brothers and
sisters of the bargain counter kind.
Any six of them would have been dear
at so cents. Before we were married,
explained to Maria that l wouldn't
stand for those relatives, and she said
she wouldn't expect me to. She gave
me her word of honor that she wouldn't
have anything to do with them, or let
them have anything to do with her,
and she meant every word she said.
"In those days I was poor and l
realized that it would keep me hustllng
to keep the wolf away from the door,
without having to provide for any
cousins or aunts. About a month
after we were married, l went home
unexpectedly in the middle of the af-
ternoOn one day, and found my wife
filling a basket with pieces of fried
chicken, and jars of jam, and oranges,
and various expensive things adapted
to the idle rich,
~ asked her what she was going to
do, and she colored up and stammered
around, and finally explained that her
Aunt Rachel was dangerously sick and
she thought it would be a real kind
ness to take her a few delicacies. OF
course Maria said 4 haven't forgotten
my promise, and | don't intend to have
anything more to do with my folks
than l can help, but in a case Of sick
uess the rules should be suspended
Il am willing to suspend them to
the extent of a slice of buttered toast
and a hard-boiled egg l said. but you
have four dollars worth of victuals in
that basket, and that's rubbing it in
your Aunt Rachel little too strong.
80 she unloaded most of the things
she had put in the basket and said l
had no heart. and went away weeping.
Up to that moment our married life
had been like a sunny morning, but
this experience made it cloudy, and our
house never was the same afterwards.
| had lost confidence in my wife, and
she had sized me up as a tyrant.
THAT Aunt Rachel experience was
merely the beginning. A week or two
later / went home furnishing, expecting
to see an uplifting and ennobling sup
per all ready on the table, but there
was nobody at home, The fire was
out, and there was nothing to eat in
sight. l dug up can of salmon and
some crackers and had a heartbreaking
meal.
about nine o'clock in the evening
my wife came home, and when asked
her where she had been, she answered
defiantly that her Uncle Ebenezer had
been seriously injured while chopping
down a tree, and she considered it her
duty to take care of him. would have
to get along the best way l could for
a day or two, she said, for she was
going to nurse Uncle Ebenezer. Her
relatives soon found that they could
have anything they wanted from my
larder by being invalids, so they took
turns falling sick, and my wife resolved
herself into an ambulance corps. That
sort of thing couldn't last long, my
friends, and it didn't"