davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1921-05-01
Ring Lardner Writes OF
Golf With the President

entrance and showed right into the
private Office and shook hands VIII
the Presidents but he also had a 10.
Of other saps to shake hanos WIN
Christian to try and find out the at
titude of the administration toWafas
some of the big questions OF the
hour, and he as much as aoHit. .eu
that he didn't see how Cobb coulo
get anywheres with them pitcners.
holding hands with the brother Eiks
from Spring Valley and took US over
to the White House. and We nao 10
keen calling him Mr.. President as
Mr.. Christian had kind OF mum oiee
his name when we was introduced;
and we met the 1st lady OF tne ,;,.r uamu
and eat our lunch which was nVer
and bacon. new potatoes, asparagus
biscuits and some kind of tart.
Mr.. Rice had on a gray pin stripe
suit without no vest vile the "ri.er
wore a Harding blue suit complete
cups of coffee mine hostess asked re
wouldn't / have some more. and l
SAYS yes and she made them get II
for me without no argument. Up u
this time / had felt right at home. =,
The President and Mr.. Rice talked
in the light chit-chat which makes
the present writer so sought aiter
by fashionable \. Y. hostesses. FOR
inst. when she said:
Z. "I expected you would be man
3ee yrs. older" 1 just smiled and SAID
& "Did you?"
After lunch the President showed
Grant and over the cozy little home
Including the state bedrooms which
he didn't say what the names OF the
different ones was but they all looked
like Texas and finely he turned us
over to a valet that took US to a
room where we was to dress for the
game. During this incidents 1 and
Grant realized that people that lives
in the White House has got servant
problem like everybody else. The
problem there is how to get the valet
ont of the room while you dress and
neither of us were able to solve 1t.
Further and more. we had broushten
white pants to match the mouse
where we was visiting and mine mao
lust came back from cleaners and
was daring to say the lease:
+ X y
90 all and all I was blushing furi-
- ously when we joined the President
again and was introduced to Mrs.
Fletcher the under secy. of state who
was going to make the 4th. man
though neither Mr.. Rice or myself is
use to playing with underlings. The
of us stood on the front porch
vile a couple photographers took our
picture which 1 am afraid mine Will
be very risque.
Well we all got in car and was
wisked- away and the President talked
Evening star., 1921-05-01

follow closely-so closely that he al
most bumped against Sturnell. who
Lad stopped to talk with a man.
In his hatred of prosecutor. Mr..
of that man: it was Omel Simpson.
Il will wait back of the feed barn.
Write down all the names you can:
they'll be SO taken uo with the fight
ing that nobody will notice you. You
have your rooster, have YOU"
It's that old slam -dinger of a Brah-
ma that took first prize for weight
and size
1T wasn't necessary to pay an ex-
,ravagant price for a.
Now leave off your jaw;ns. | pro-
pose to show you that | Amt no such
fool as you've been saying ] am.
W hats the good of buying rooster"
I borroWe this One-the owner don't
know | have borrowed it. and I'll put
it back where | took it from
That may be all right. They won't
allow you to match that bird. And
, because Of the size you're all the more
safe on that point.
When Mr.. Sturnell entered the barn
Mr.. Towle did not pursue: he had not
| the courage to face a crowd of horse
men in their own purlieus. He lurked
! in the gloom of the night. keeping
tab on his other enemy. knowing that
Mr.. Sturnell was to return.
1t was long wait He judged there
must be a good-Sized crowd in the
I barn. for he heard many voices
! At last there was real bedlam. And
| after a little while Mr.. Sturnell came
rushing TO Mr.. Simpson.
Did they catch you writing
names'' demanded the alarmed su
! perior.
! "Ketch your Aunt Betsy nothing
1 scoffed Mr.. Sturnell. How much
| money have you got in your clothesc
| Have you gone crazy?"
Just about. They let me fight old
| Horace p. Towle' once. They said
! it was for joke They thought he
was all barnyard and wasn't good for
| nothing. And when that chicken up
| and shuff1ed at him. Old Horace
| jumped on him and stood on him and
| nigh ct his head off. I tell ye tina:
| old Horace. taking his own way
| about il. can lick any hen in the
United States. I'm going back in
/ there and challenge EN-. Lend me
| fifty dollars. I've got fifty of my own
| to go with it,
| Not a cent"
| Then I'll rush in there and tip the
r.! crowd off about you. Dam-rat ye, I'm
| in dangerous mood
Evening star., 1921-05-01

But IL became plain that even
dilbo bird had reservoirs Of resent
ment that can be tapped by certain
indignities: he turned suddenly on
the yapping cur and knocked the dog
senseless with a bang OF that slung-
| shot head.
What is this. dog-hsht or
cock ing -main?" shrieked the amazed.
despairing and furious MIR. Towle.
What else are ye going 10 set onto
my bird?"
Then he kicked the spiritless pol
troon. That indignity from friend
and protector must have tapped
further the resentment-rcscrvoir This
dilbo bird faced the on-rushinG cham.
pion. threw himself back on his tail
quills and having both feet free for
action. grabbed the rooster around
the neck. held him fast and with
cruel beak wrenched of the an,ago-
nists head in bloody fashion.
1t was all over so suddenly that
Mr. Sturnell leaped too late. Eut ne
rescued what was left Of the defunot
head with the remains.
Come, Come, This is no prize
fight" cried the manager. pushing
them apart n, Tow'ef w b,-n hetss srd yoHs isEs
that old dootrabulus of bird with
YOU. II hurts my eyes to look at II.
Listen to a word from me, shout
ed MIR. Towle, while he twisted the
neck Oh tHe SdSh " SufN
the dilbo bird. Il overheard Leli
Sturnell making plans with omel
Simpson to get names and raid TINS
F; hen-fight and milk all OF you Old
| Simpson is waiting out behind the
| barn He and Lell Sturnell-
Mr.. Sturnell had seen Horace T.
| Towles mouth opening and had an
| ticipated He was out and away
| before a hand could be laid on him
And breathless committee OF in
! vestigation came back in few mo-
ments and reported that Mr.. Stimp-
son was just as good a runner as was
Mr.. Sturnell.
Furthermore, he stole that
! rooster" stated Mr.. Towle. And old
Simpson aided and abetted. Now let
| EN- show up and prosecute me. and
see what will happen"
! II reckon that after this the dilbo
| bird will go on dancing. all so fne
and CAV" suggested a man.
ITS this way between me and this
! bird from now on declared MI;
Towle: 'If he informs me. after |
| have got him educated enough 80
| that he can express his wishes ana
tastes. that he relishes appearing be.
| fore the public as a dancer. i shall
20 ahead and please him in the mat
ter as best l know how. ] shall re.
gard his own feelings entirely. And
speaking Of his feelings. 1 serve
notice on all Of you that hereafter.
when any Of you speak to or OF TINS
bird. you will kindly remember that
! his name is Julius II. Caesar.
Evening star., 1921-05-01

DCT the stakeholder put his hand
- behind his back and was firm
"Sturnell, for nigh onto ten minutes
you been dinging into our ears that
you'd fight anything that's got bill
and walks on two legs. That was
your challenge. Here's the beast
awaiting. Let loose your rooster. or
I'll hand the money TO-
ITO me-" said Mr.. Towle. THAT
gent put up my money for me"
I'D never no more put up money
with old Horace =. Towle than I'D
hug and kiss Judas Iscarrot. if he
was back on earth" clamored Mr.
Sturnel. a trick has been played
on me-
Right YOU are" assented Mr.,
Towle cheerfully. There's no way
of ketching We by fair means, you
blasted old eel
'scruf his feathers. blow in his
eye and set him down, urged man
prodding Mr.. Sturnell with thumb
When MIR. Sturnell whirled to resent
this attention the rooster slipped
from under his arm and dropped to
the floor. Then several men reached
out hands and dragged the strus-
Cling challenger into the ring of by
s;anders.
The dilbo bird did not glance the
way Of the rooster. but continued to
scrutinize intently one of his legs
occasionally picking of something
that appeared to annoy him. The
liberated rooster crowed Justify. The
dilbo bird blinked and looked star.
tied. He twisted his head around
stared at the huge fowl that was
feathered to the toes, and backed
away. Even Mr.. Sturnell was quiet
This was too tense, too novel sit
uation for anything except breath
less silence. When the rooster pu
up pantaletted leg and took {
cautious step forward the dilbo birt
went two steps backward. Recollec
ton of his recent feat may have
heartened the rooster: at any rate
this pusillanimity Of the dilbo birc
produced instant effect: the rooster
rushed forward and pecked the bare
breast viciously and then crowed.
The dilbo bird put his head on one
side and peered down anxiouSly a
the little stream of blood that fol
lowed the peck. When the rooster
lunsed at him again, the dilbo birt
began to run around and around ir
circles. occasionally trying to escape
between the legs of the bystanders
The crowd began to howl its hilar
ity, and small dog which notet
that the occasion had become entirel,
informal. rushed from somewhere be
hind the legs OF the men and joinet
in the pursuit of the dilbo bird.
Evening star., 1921-05-01

about this in that and says he sup
posed we had noticed in the White
House that he had to get in the ele-
vator ahead OF the Mrs. and go
through doors list. and etc. and it
was a rule that the President always
has to do everything 1st. and he
wished it WAS different as 1t made
him feel uncomfortable. Well. out
on the golf course, they forget this
rule and go according to the golf
rules, and l guess he generally al
ways feels pretty comfortable out
there.
"Theys a nice course here in town
now" he says. But l guess We'll go
over in Maryland and play Chevy
Chase"
THIS was another thing that upset
Evening star., 1921-05-01

so all in all come out of the barber
shop feeling pretty good.
= X
WELL it seems Mr. Christian had
w asked | and Grant to lunch with
the President and Mrs. Harding and
Grant had said yes without even ask
ing them what they was going to
have, so we got our suitcases and
golf bags and went out to where the
taxi cabs are and the starter says:
ITO the station
mo, to the White House." says
Grant and l showed the't wo bits back
in my pocket figuring we had give
him enough of a thrill
Well We Was W.SAIu TO the Office
Evening star., 1921-05-01

ignorance Of same. After a vile
visited a barber shop vile Grant was
irving to get a hold of Mr.. Christian
on the telephone and the manicure
gal asked me where did | come from
and says ~ Y. and she says she
would hate to live in y. y. but
wouldn't mind working there If she
could have a home at Newark or
brighton and she asked me when 1
got in and when I was going back
and finely what was I doing in Wash
ington and l says l come to get a
manicure.
"You are a great kidder.' she SAYS.
Evening star., 1921-05-01
THE DILBO BIRD EFT AL.

you've probably noticed as much
And you're welcome to 'em and all
the interest they take in YOU. But
il that's the way you feel about
that bird I'll adopt him as sort of
my own pet because him and me
seems to think about alike on most
matters, judging from his express
sion"
Perhaps the dilbo bird recognized
something avian in Mr.. Towle's
Evening star., 1921-05-01

TN the editor: Everybody l
seen lately has asked me to
tell them about my golf
match with the President and
it looks like they was nation vide
interest in same so I will repeat the
story over again for the benefit OF
those which amt been lucky enough
to see me since the mammoth event
came off.
Well. Grant Rice. the poet, called
up one day and says he had made
date for he and / to go to Masn-
ineton and play golf with the Presi-
dent so we got there early on
Thursday A. NJ. and went to the
hotel and eat our breakfast at the
next table to MIR. and Mrs. Coolidge
who however remained In blles1ui
Evening star., 1921-05-01

4 LARGE number Of fish families
~ reside in or visit the rivers and
~ creeks of the District Of Column
bia and the neighborhood of
Evening star., 1921-05-01

THAT was the first stage Of Mr..
Towle's surrender. He made the
hest struggle he could, but he had
to admit the validity Of Mr.. Purvis'
reasoning when that gentleman said
that Mr.. Towle's reputation as a
horseman wasn't OF much real value
unless he had some horses to go
with it. In the meantime the animal
show was ready at hand.
Mr.. Towle could not stir up much
OF any feeling about those animals
except disgust and fear. He listened
sourly while Mr.. Purvis expatiated
on their characters and traits. The
selectman said that he had won the
affection of the baboons by playing
the accordion to them daily. The
big snake dearly loved fiddle music.
Mr. Purvis stated and SO did the
monkeys and the woolly wizzen-
warrieS.
But that dilbo bird is a crouch"
complained the trainer. He tries to
peck my thumb out every time
Offer him something nice to eat. He
don't relish any kind of music He
simply stands there on one leg and
advertise our show as Africa 8
Happy Family but that name won't
ft, with that dilbo bird making up
that mug at everybody who passes
along. He amt much OF feature,
anyway. ! guess III wiring his neck
and be shet Of him"
Mr.. Horace =. Towle had consid =
erable natural perversity and was
generally inclined to applaud what
other folks condemned. Further.
more, the demeanor OF the dilbo bird
expressed MIR. Towle's secret feel
fngs and attitude toward the rest OF
humanity in those desolate days OF
down-and out. And If the dilbo bird
really felt the way he looked. then
Mr.. TowIe entertained friendly sym
pathy.
"Ill admit. C>y, that 7 haven't took
any interest in them critters, and
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
Filling Station Gossip

Motorist who come through Mount
Morris enroute for Chicago have
about the following conversation
when they stop at the filling station
here: teab.,a
If it's Cadillac, the driver says
"How far is it to Chicago?
Zone hundred and forty miles, is
the reply.
"Gimme twenty gallons of gas and
a gallon of OIL" says the driver.
Then comes Buick and the chauf-
feur says: "How far is it to Chi
cago?"
Zone hundred and forty miles,"
"Gimme ten gallons of gas and a
half gallon of oil" and he drives on
Along comes a flivver and the driv-
er uncramps himself, gets out and
stretches and asks: "How far is il
to Chicago"
-i1Oh, about 140 miles,"
SIS that all? Gimme two quarts
of water and bottle of '3in1', and
hold this1 son-of-a-gun until / get
in.'-Kablegram.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
Booze in the Home Did This

Judge Hubert Utterback in the
Polk county district court at Des
Moines performed a sad duty the
other day when he sentenced wife
and mother to a three year term in
the inebriate ward at the hospital for
the insane at Mount Pleasant.
The husband for years kept liquor
in his home and drank moderately
when feeling the need of a stimulant.
His wife got to doing the same thing
and the habit grew upon her until
she was frequently intoxicated.
When the husband discovered this
fact he cut out drinking himself and
banished intoxicants from the home
but his wife, persisted in drinking
and used all kinds of secret methods
to obtain liquor, finally making II
herself. The father plead with her
to desist and the two boys, one aged
Is and the other IA, also plead with
the mother to straighten up and she
would make all manner of promises,
but to no avail, and so the father
and the two sons sat weeping in the
Polk county court house when Judge
Utterback, in the performance of
duty, ordered her away, and the
Judge and habitues of the court
room, with tears in their eyes, turn
ed away from the pathetic tragedy
as the husband and sons babe mother
goodbye.
Since the closing of the inebriate
asylum at Knoxville women afflicted
with inebriacy from the use of Ell
Their liquor or opiates are sent to
Mount Pleasant. Men similarly af-
flicted are sent to the insane hospital
at independence, where a ward is
set aside for such persons and ex-
pert treatment is provided. Judge
utterback says that the encourag-
ing feature is that the number sent
to these places is growing less each
year.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30

Mrs. Altha Daubney arrived
home Saturday from a visit in Min
neapolis.
DIR. A. C. Woodward and wife
and Mr.. and Mrs. /. w. Brunt spent
Thanks giving with Mr.. and Mrs. H.
A. Warner at Cresco.
Mrs. o. A. Anderson returned to
lnwood, Iowa, TINS morning tler a
months visit with relatives, LII. and
Mrs. p. Rocksvold OF Glenwood.
MIR. Alfred Thonsgaard returned
to ElCampo, Texas, today after visit
ing at the home Of John tretheim.
Miss Cora Fretheim accompanied him
to Calmar.
Miss Lillian Wohlford concluded
her visit with her mother, Mrs. M.
K. Wohlford and returned to Eliza
der Saturday morning where she
teaches school.
MIR. Melvin Graves returned
from Sherman, 5. d., last week at
ter spending week or more with
his sister and brother in law, Mr..
and Mrs. L. Netteberg.
Karl d. Fisk, the optometrist,
will be at Winneshiek Hotel Thurs
day and Friday, Dec. 1st and I'd. If
you wish to consult him about your
eyes, this will be the last visit this
year. 47-2
Mrs. Marie Hovde and daughter
Marguerite, Lydia and Helga return
ed to Minneapolis Monday morning
after being here to attend the we'd
ding of her son Prof. B. Hovde to
Miss Theresa Arneson Thanksgiving
Day.
Bankers Superfine fiavors give
baking "the real taste that salts.
fes.' For sale at all grocers.-
Advertisement. If.
Boys and Girls
We have a few more of the scout
gloves. Regular $1.00 quality at 20
cents. BEARS.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
Hardware Clerk Writes Letter to
His Lady Love


He loved as only hardware clerk
can love, but the course of his love
not running smoothly, he felt inn
PEELED to write his fair one letter
of protest, which he did in these
words:
Dearest: Last night when your
father appeared you saw me make a
bolt for the door. 1t may not augur
well that | did not brace up when
the old screw nailed me on that of
all subjects, but / saw that he was
on the wrong tack. If / haven't
chiseled place in your affections by
drilling around several times week
! might as well die. / don't screen
the fact I'm nuts about you but
want to file a protest when am
sent to the bench for a spoon. 1t was
sheer luck that he should spring in
and find you clasped to my heart
and locked in my embrace, and grill
me.
Next time he may hammer on the
latch all he pleases but l won't let
that old monkey wrench you away
from me. Awaiting your further
order, / remain. Your Own Bill.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
LOCAL ITEMS,

Mr.. B. ]. Mckay returned from
Rochester, Monday.
Mr.. E. A. Grimso left for Rocb-
ester Tuesday to spend a few DAYS
Miss Emma Hjelle left for Ceda,
Falls yesterday morning to attend
school.
Seth Kalmeier has returned from
Denmark this week after spending
over half a year with relatives.
Mr.. c. j. Huber and family re-
turned from Spillville Monday after
spending Thanksgiving with his
folks.
Mrs. Sihler returned from Chi
cago Tuesday morning after an ex-
tended visit with her daughters who
are teaching there.
Miss. Anna Enke concluded her
visit with her sister Mrs. Henry
Landmeyer and returned home to
Bloomington, Wis.,, Tuesday after a
weeks visit.
Mrs. Frank w. Hallegan re-
turned home to Chicago Tuesday af-
ter visiting since Sunday with her
brother and sister-iP-law Mr.. and
Mrs. Otto Solberg.,
Mr.. and Mrs. F. N. Young left
Saturday for Minneapolis, to visit
Mr.. and Mrs. B. B. Gibbs and fam
lily after visiting here with Mr.. and
Mrs. Henry Haas.
Mrs. w. III. Gibbs left for Ma
son City Saturday to visit with
relatives Mr.. and Mrs. S. Drake af-
ter several days visit here with her
cousin Mrs. Henry Haas.
Mrs. Adolph Running and son
from Detroit, Mimi, arrived here
last week to spend the winter with
her parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Lynne.
She was accompanied by Miss Han
nah Running.
-Hemstitching designs stamped
free at the Priscilla Shop. First
class hemstitching at 10c and 12c
per yard. Shop at residence. Phone
Blue 2S1. Mrs. Will Tobiason.-Ad-
vertisement.
MIR. and Mrs. Ben Olson, and
daughter, of Forest City came last
Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving at
the home of his parents, Mr.. and
Mrs Hans Olson and with other rel
atives and friends.
Mrs. C. C. Estrem and daughter
Laura left for Freeport I'LL, Tuesday
where Mrs. Estrem will spend the
winter with her son Clarence Estrem
and family. Laura goes on to San
Francisco where she has a position.
Miss Mabel McCauley of the
Winneshiek county State Bank spent
Thanksgiving with her brother
Henry in Minneapolis. The latter is
a ticket agent for the c. M. G. st.
p. Ry. in Minneapolis. Miss Nc
Cauley returned home Saturday.
n
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
Family in Iowa Home Listens t.
Sermon in Pittsburgh Pulpit

Sermon in Pittsburgh Pulpit
Webster City, Iowa-The w. C.
Pyle family of this city will not be
kept from church attendance by cold
weather this winter, and moreover
their attendance will not be limited
to local churches. On two separate
occasions recently they have at
tended church services at Pittsburgh,
Pa, without going out of their own
home.
BY means of a wireless apparatus
installed by Kemster Pyle, II years
old, now a freshman at Iowa State
College at Ames, the local family has
been able to ATTEND" church SER
vices at Pittsburgh.
The electric company of Pitts
burgh has installed a wireless tele-
phone set in churches there so that
services at the Sunday meetings may
be carried to old people and invalids
in their homes. The Pyle family here
also listened in on these meetings.
Last Sunday they heard an inter-
esting sermon at the Calvary Pres
byterian church. The sermon text
was what Hath God Wrought
They have also been able to hear
concerts at Denver and Oklahoma
City, on different occasions.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
The Only Lack

Mother-"Well, Nellie, is your doll
kitchen completely furnished now?"
Nellie-"No, mama, / still need a
policeman for the cook"
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30
Children's Suits

of the newest models, all kinds, in
sizes from 3 up, at very special
prices. You can come to Bears be-
cause we sell good clothing. Every
article guaranteed and money re-
funded if not satisfactory.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30

get over their idea that they can
make IL in high concludes the Ma
son City Globe Gazette.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30

"A Chicago banker says business
is on the upgrade. 1t will improve,
maybe, when some Of the profiteers
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1921-11-30

New Caps
for Saturday. Cheap in price. Good
in quality. BEARS.