davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
HUMANISMS
william Atherton Du Puy-

my life is very uninteresting." said Senator
Smoot "All do Is work"
How much do you work. asked.
sixteen hours a day. sometimes eighteen" he
replied.
How long have you done ity'
Forty years and more" he replied
How do you like it,"
ITO me 1t is more fun than anything else. 1
would rather wrestle with atistics the tariff
than go to the theater. l never go to baseball
games play golf. Seven hours sleep . day
is enough recreation for anybody. have never
taken vacation. Neither have ever been sick.
There is not a healthier man in Congress.
"I believe that there Is more pleasure in work
than in anything else for the average man. II he
did more work he would be happier IL is a great
mistake to devote ones time, to anything else"
Infinitely diverse is the origin OF the men
who come to the front in these United states.
There Is Maj Gen. John A Lejeune. the COM
mandant of marines, for instance-stocky.
swarthy. romantic type of fighting man. He Is
a product Of q cotton plantation in Pointe Coupee
parish and is Louisiana French.
His paternal ancestor and three brothers mi
grated from the land of Lafayette to Canada
were couriers des bois pioneers of the woods, and
wandered about for years in the Great Lake
body lived on its upper reaches, launched their
canoes upon it and rode into the unknown. Much
to their surprise they found far down the stream.
settlements of other Frenchmen. The Lejeunes
have lived in Louisiana ever since.
This fighting man emerged as student at the
Naval Academy. He acquired all that institution
could give him and chose the marines in prefer
enco to the navy. He has been running about
the globe ever since with soldiers OF the sea
at his back.
In the halls Of Congress it is still quite popular
to resort to that old ioned and decadent
means Of adornng a discourse, the quotation of
verse.
Senator Morris Sheppard of Texas, legislative
daddy of prohibition, o mean spinner OF fancy
phrases, in favoring a tariff for the relief of
farmers. ended his speech with the following
climax:
"Mr. President, in the stress and struggle OF
the economic readjustment following the great
est OF all wars, agriculture is the under dog.
Those big mastiffs, manufacture and commerce.
have taken agriculture by the throat and
stranRiing 1t with singular indifference to the
fact that they are challenging their own de-
struction.
"But for me. and care not single fig
IL they say I'm wrong I'm right.
1 shall always go in for the weaker dog,
For the under dog in the fight"
(Copyright, 1921 by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
Money Orders.

Postoffice money orders that are wholly type
written, except for the postmaster's signature,
the product OF kind of labor saving
machine now trial In Washington says Popu-
lar Mechanic Magazine. A modified form OF book
keeping typewriter Is used, greatly reducing the
possibility of error always present with the long
hand system. sheet containing ten money
order blanks Is inserted in a special holder, to-
gether with a carbon and second sheet. When
the first order has been written, and drawn out
for removal. the carbon copy sheet and the see
ond blank are automatically brought into posi-
ton. the copy remaining in the machine until
filled. A dial at the front shows the number OF
orders issued, and the total amount of cash.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
Stars and Stripes

Thunders of public applause are of fol-
lowed by showers Of public censure.
When q rogue goes to law, it is generally
to keep the law from coming after him.
Necessity is a good teacher, but they
have profted by her tsachinss least Who
know her most.
The rosy colors Of hope run at the least
dampening.
Happiness blossoms in the heart, but has
its roots in the mind.
The more liberties We take the less
liberty remains for ourselves and others.
( 1t il impossible to take our interiors into
our confidence, for when We attempt 10 do
20 we lose our superiority.
Every year added to . mans life is but
another taken away.
A gift Is something cheapest bought and
sften dexrest paid for.
There would b less povektyto boAshmed
0f II there were more Of us ashamed Of its
cznses.
Pride Is the most Ambitious Of vices It
seeks7 ~, Anly to hide our faults but TO sct
- @ho H. yAMR SnA
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

An unforgiving man is the severest Judge
Of himself, for he condemns that clemency
and compassion which he is most likely to
need.
Wit sees an opportunity to be sarcastic;
wisdom let's it alone.
When we lay a wager in the course of a
dispute, We confess more faith in chance
than in our arguments.
1t takes no keen sight to find fault it is
rather the vice Of one who stays at home
and sees little. than of one who goes abroad
and sees much
Evil habits never grow infirm with age.
talebearer carries that which becomes
greater every time he unburdens himself.
The man who boasts that he forgot more
than we ever knew reminds US of the
vacant bookshelf; 1t also was once burdened
with knowledge.
He that has no enemies is scarce worth
seeking rs q friend.
Patience is q good servant whom all
recommend, but few like to employ.
The man who Is in constant fear Of death
AnifAl0 u M lHs h hates 10 Lose
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
.AUNT GRACE's- PUZZLE.

The puzzle of AUNT GRACE" is
answered by two words-'CARES
and "CARESS.' IL you add an IS
TO the first word II makes lot OF
difference. II. SMITH and B. M. d.
both answer il in interesting verse
while others, including H. B. RoS-
SELL answer briefly.
Relative to the rope problem OF
BRIDGEPORT" two big maths state
that before they could answer they
W would have to know the thickness OF
the rope and other details. PATENT
OFFICE" and FRED HAFEI.FrNGER
both call attention 20 the weakness
OF the problem. HAFELFINCER
notes that up to 4 certain point the
steps could be OF an average size but
toward the end the rope would nos
allow the same size step,
"CHAPPIE" figured on 14e49 steps,
but BRIDGEPORT" doped out 1s2
steps.
To the Easter question of CATS
PAW" the fans answer that between
now and the year 1000 tho earliest
Easter will fall on March 20. 1910,
and the latest ono April 25, i043. In
the year 1000 Easter VIII come April
-. In 4. ID. zoos " will fall 81
March 20. SO state n. ]. L.. ROSE
BUD" N. E. and "GOoDpR"
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
Seeds From Siam.

Seeds OF number of unusual plants have been
recently received at the quarantine station of the
Department of Agriculture from j. r. Rock one
of the departments explorers in Siam. Among
these are a black -kerneled rice which is said to
be extensively eaten by the natives of Siam. and
another is a brown-tnted cotton, not hitherto
known in this country. The seeds will be propa-
gated in the plant, detention station to guard
against spreading any lurking plant disease
which may have clung to them. and the seq
ond generation seed will be tested out in various
parts of the United States.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
HoW One Worried Company
ReOpened It's Factory

Eh lolNU MAN, anu he SnOulu
take the medicine prescribed, which
is THE RIGHT KIND OF AN AD-
VERTISING MEDIUM.
To sell goods in Chicago, write
to the Herald Examiner and to the
Chicago American. Between them
they can give you circulation close
to million every day, and THEY
COVER CHICAGO THOROUGHLY.
They can give you what is more
important, immediate contact with
every retail selling spot, whether it
be garage, grocery store,
butcher shop, drug store, or any
other retailing proposition.
For New York City, see the busf
ness manager of the New York
Evening Journal and the New York
American. These two newspapers
cover the field in the morning and
in the evening, giving a net paid
weekday circulation of more than
a million copies at 3 cents per copy,
and a net paid Sunday circulation of
more than million and ninety
thousand at TEN CENTS copy. If
you have for sale what the people
would WANT, if they HEARD
about it, those two newspapers can
sell all that you have, and ten times
more than you can produce.
For Boston and the New England
States, take your problem to the
manager Of the Boston American
and the Boston Sunday Advertiser.
For San Francisco see the San
Francisco Examiner, paper more
powerful in it's field, more over
whelming in its control of territory
than any other paper in the United
States or in the world.
In Los Angeles the Examiner will
do for the able advertiser and manu-
facturer in his field what the Chicago
Herald and Examiner does in it's
field.
In Atlanta, the Atlanta Georgian;
in Washington, The Washington
Times; in Milwaukee, the Wisconsin
News, offer to worried business men,
or "sick factories" an opportunity
to find health and renewed activity.
You have heard men speak with
gratitude of the Mayos, wonderful
surgeons that restore health, or of
DR.. Evans, the great diagnostician.
Here is a business condition that
was cured by the right kind of "a
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
These extracts from letter to the
Chicago Herald and Examiner will
interest every man whose factory is
sick, or whose business is ailing:
"wAUKEGAN, H., Dec. 10, 1920.
"Mr. George Hartford,
Manager National Advertising.
Chicago Herald and Examiner,
Chicago, Illinois.
"Dear Mr.. Hartford
"Three weeks ago, when Mr.. Olsen and
/ walked into your Office. we had 1000
worth of ironing boards on hano and our
plant was closed down.
last Tuesday, just eighteen days after
we signed our contract with Won and began
our distribution campaign under your direc-
ton, our entire stock had been sold. and
we reopened our factory. Today We are
running at full capacity.
"This is such remarkable tribute to the
efficiency of your organization and to the
value Of advertising in the Herald and Ex-
anniner that am impelled to tell you that
/ should consider it privilege to discuss
my experience with any prospective adver-
tisers you might care to refer to me.
"You are at liberty to use this letter in
any way you see it
Respectfully yours,
"RID-JID PRODUCTS CORPORATION,
&C. H. Kleinsorve, President"
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
JULES BAcKENHEIMER
BREVITIES.

Everyone knows food is cheaper
but the restaurant keepers.
Yale should not be the only coll
lege to have an Angel Every
body needs one in these hard
times.
When Poland takes her place
among the nations OF the. world
Paderewski's first piece on the
piano will probably be a peace
overture" EAMON o S,
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
Is OUR HUMOR LOW
BROWED?"

BROWED?"
Is II and 8 a "Iow-brov" column
Of ioit, humor, problems, and COM
mon sense, or Is u coIumn that
touches the risibiltties Of the every
day man and iOomou, conto4Str0
the things of human iHtersst that
90 straight homef
The question is asked because.
within the last three months. TWO
"high-brow" contributors have jump
ed all over the ''sophomoric." even
''freshmanic." efforts OF the general
run OF "contribs."
The last brow" critic would
like the column modelled along the
lines OF r. p. A. ("The Coming Tow
er9) or OF b. L. 7. ga Line o. Type.")
Every indication points to the fact
that the present policy OF II and s
hits the ordinary man and woman
where they like to be hit most, and
II is a question whether we should
change the policies to suit the high
brows" or be content with things as
they are.
The high brow" In humor or any
thing else, feels keenly his inteliec-
tual superiority above the common
herd. He wants fun that Is subtle
so subtle that he has to study IL q
long time before he sees the point
and breaks out into a dignified laugh
or smile. or course 1t must not be q
hearty guffaw; that would be sig
nifcant OF common humanity. II God
Almighty gave you a real hearty.
wholesome laugh-and you are a
hi gh- h-brow'-why, you must "can" 1t
for something subdued. refined.
SO it's for the thousands OF fans
to decide. Anyhow. the contribs can
all work for more originality in their
paragraphs. and s can't AFFORD to
become mere echo. You folks who
make the column must continue II on
a high plane and YOU'LL DO 1T.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
. HIS is not written to help ad-
vertising in any publication. 1t

- eAAy P~DA'S~~sNSH' ~
: is written for the benefit of
thousands of factories that have
closed down in the United States.
More especially for the benefit of
millions out Of work.
One manufacturer found himself
OverstOcked. He had closed his fac
tory, decided to go out of business,
and was wondering what to do with
the accumulated merchandise.
Fortunately for him, he met and
talked to John A. Dickson, general
manager of the Herald Examiner in
Chicago.
Mr.. Dickson explained to him the
merchandising machinery that now
forms part of every Hearst newspa-
per. He told him of the seventy
six sales centers in Chicago, how to
reach them, just how his mer-
chandise could be sold and his fac
tory reopened by reaching not mere
ly readers of the Herald Examiner,
able to buy his stuff ten times over,
but by coming in DIRECT BUSI-
NESS CONTACT with every mer-
chant, big and little, able to distrib-
ute the goods.
This particular manufacturer, and
the particular group of workmen
put out of work by his difficulties,
we're manufacturers of irening
tables, sort that can be set up, then
folded and put away, occupying
little space. The problem was to
REACH DIRECTLY THE WOMEN
interested in ironing boards. Grocery
stores, of which there are more than
six thousand in Chicago, sell wash
tubs, washboards, washing soap, but
had not sold ironing boards.
Mr.. Dickson's young men showed
the grocers, by personal visit and
on the telephone, that they could
display this particular ironing table,
all set up, putting canned goods,
laundry soap, ETC., on top of it, max
ing it useful instead of an incum-
brance.
They gave the worried maker an
exact list of all retailing places, and
an exact time-saving route to be
followed by the statesmen.
Then brief advertising campaign
began. If you would like details,
write to the president of the Rid-Jid
Products Corporation, of Waukegan,
III.
In three weeks the accumulated
stock that had caused this particular
manufacturer to close his factory
was completely sold out HIS FAC
TORY WAS OPEN AND Run
MING AT FULL SPEED, his men all
back at work. Read the manufac-
turer's own statement at the end of
Hhis editorial
Business men, manufacturers, all
that have anything to sell, remember
that what steam is to an engine,
ADVERTISING is to a business, a
6xed factory or an idea
When q man is sick he does not
Ne down and say, "Now I think I'll
unit and die.' He sends for doc
tor, gets up and goes on again.
When factory or business is sick,
the owner should not close it down,
discharge his men and let 1t die. He
should send for the doctor, which
Is the RIGHT KIND OF AN AD-
The Washington times., 1921-03-22


I told her she looked charming In her pretty
evening gown.
said that considered her the incest girl
In town.
mentioned that her dancing was pre-
eminently good.
| asked if might call next day. She
answered that ! could.
We left the crowd Of dancers for lounge
beside the hre,
could well desire
spoke OF her complexion-l msrveled At
her eyes,
Rema rked upon their brilIisnce, their lin
pidity. their size.
Her lips received due notice snent their
rosy hue
I told her ali the "old" ones and . couple
that were new
But just as I was thinking ] might steal
little kiss
She murmured: Have you read that gem
of DUsToFFs-'THE ABYssg'
II think II very charming but you know IL
There's a lack of psychic insight there In
Chapter Thirty-three.
where the villain sees the hero put his
overcoat In hook.
And steals and burns the ticket, and the
hero dies of shock"
listened In smszement. had never even
THAT the Greenwich Village coinure really
WAS the thing IL seemed.
But cleaned one bit OF wisdom, and now
I md II wise
To refrain from putting over such = potent
line OF lies,
Unul iinvestlgation puts the fact beyond
That the lady ISN'T hishsrov, but just
bobs u cause ltf cute!
r. FORD.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
Most Common First Name.

John Is the most common hrst nsme II came
from the Hebrew Jehsohsnnen, God Us gracious"
The Greeks made It Johansn, and in the feminine
" became Anna and Hannah. In the Doomsday
Book only TIVE Jekns listed
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

Congress will never pass a law
like that pending in Nevada
providing the death penalty
shall be inflicted by GAS, be-
cause. while a considerable guam
tity is generated under the dome
of the Capitol. some of II poison
Gus, too, it's all needed there
for 'gassing" bills to extinction.
JOE CONKLIN.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
When the Sun Looked Blue.

blue sun has appeared once only in 1888 In
the Sunda States when n volcano filled the air
with dust, causing the sun to appear blue when
viewed through the clouds Of extrsneous mat
ter. ...
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
A GIRL IN TROUBLE.

The letter was addressed to MY
Dearest BILL and was in woman
handwriting. II started of by saying
there sas IAN uncomfortable desire
for the confidence of one in whom |
can place a5solute faith" and then
wen, ON to say "the question is one or
an extrcrely delicate nature" vague
leneraIities of woman in distress
which would stir a hero's breast IL
got more mysterious toward the ems
Of two pages and then came the aucs-
ton:
DO YOU honestly believe that
Jen will ever grow as tall as
Mutt"
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
We TOWNE GOSSIP
RagistsrsA q. q n,Asst ocAs>
BY X. c. b.

NORTHFIELD, VT, March IS.
To the Editor: As q constant reader Of
your paper l have been trying for more than
a year to get some head and tail to the "Ye
Towne Gossip" column.
would like very much if you will explain
the idea Of it. Thanking you in advance,
l am, Very truly yours,
MR. w. A. VIRGE.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

Nowadays there are few slips
betwixt the hip and the lip.
CHEERUPADIST.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

Another millionaire es-
corted Pullmanlosd or
hootch into Florida and was
arrested for impersonating
an old-fashioned citizen. He
claimed that the nose var
nish was absorbed merely as
q counter-irritsnt to the
yolstead act. At latest re-
ports he was headed for the
little stone jug. All his
money won't help him to get
out into the open and share
poor mans privilege OF
grabbing a sunstroke at
cost.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
NOT A KNOCK COLUMN.

NOT A kNO COLUMN.
I'll be dog-gone, Bill, II / didn't
send in q KNOCK the other day
and you cleverly turned IL into .
BOOST without changing the
meaning at ali. That's getting
GOOD out of EVIL all right.
PEANUTS.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

when they were sweethsarts
Cupid reigned in all his glory.
And Harry breathsd to Emily,
The old. old story.
But now Harry comes in late,
With pretexts hoary.
Business detafns hints
The old, old story.
BABE DE PARKER.
APRIL 1 DECORATIONS.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

My idea of an optimist is one
who. when told he has one foot
in the grave, says: We'll, j
guess ! can hop along for awhile
on the other"
BRIDGEPORT.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
ALL IN THE GAME.


weddings and rice. old maids and advice.
And the world rocks on Just the same.
You may win the pot. and again you may
But. remember. that it's all in tn. game
Washington cakes haven't show
on a dancing floor in Alexandria
when RALPH PARTLOW, FRANK
NOLAN, "WINKIE" MEADES and
GEORGE PETIT, of Alexandria,
are around. RUTH B.
Lady. in fruit store-what do you
call those biueish-red grapes over
there?
Proprie:cr-Oh. they're Washington
Concords, first grown by George
Washington.
LADY, never heard OF them. What
gives them the color?
Proprietor-Did you ever read
where Washington crossed" The
Delaware?
JULES BAcKENHEIMER
Society women of New York who
contemplate being sued for divorce
should at least remove their hair
from the hairbrushes of their CO.
respondents. In one case the de-
tectives found the red hair OF the
lady lover, and it is giving a lurid
thrill to the testimony. They might
use peroxide on the hairs left in the
brushes
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

when your comprenez vous rope 10 cut
And bats in your belfry begin TO nut
when there's nobody home
In the top Of your dome,
Then your head amt = hesd-its nut
NJ !. RITE.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22


In ratio with America, Eu-
rope seems to be . place
where they stiii consult the
Inhabitants. Over here they
don't consult the voter un-
less they want more taxes.
Well, it's all in fun. A mil
lionaire's wife, il is alleged.
fell in love with an Indians
copper complexion, The
millionaire sued for alimony
instead of buying a can OF
paint, bronzing up and win
ming her back.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

James A. Stillmsn wasn't as
still as he was thought to be.
At present Mrs. Florence n.
Leeds in the big divorce fire-
works. EAMON o s.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
1EARl> EEf
By BILL PRICE.
LUKE McLUTE'S SNOOT.

LUKE McLUTES SNOOT.
Old Luke AcLuts had an avful ssoet,
The Lord had marked him rough.
But little cared he ~ bis nossy 20 bsAu9
wss s.s',Sss ,r.s X se.; .,;..s: - s:.S Sis
His snout seemed built fer that,
You simply couldn't make him shy.
II someons wanted 10 smash II With
osce too often he stuck it Into sAethsr's
Ana the tale 10 very sad to relate
Hes blsck end blue all over hs ugly
But his nos. has Improved in shape:
SILLY SHOE SHINE SIGNS.
There are many silly shoe shine
signs in Washington. Often you see
the sign, SHOES SHIEED INSIDE"
and another is SHOES SHiHED
WHILE YOU WAT." BUD.
WHATEVER THAT" IL.
All THAT which il. was.
All THAT which seems not. is.
There is nothing new.
The last shall be hrst.
The drs. shall be last.
There Was . gushing girl cslled Lille,
Her frocks were duhy and frii1y.
Her sweetie she did adore.
- TOOTSIE u.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

Rich people have more
trouble than poor ones. or
course, they can afford more.
But . poor man can be happy
provided he doesn't indulge
in an inferior brand OF wood
alcohol. The landlord may
jack him out OF his house
and home. but the parks are
always open.
The man with q good di-
gestion and poor food Is
better off than the man with
dyspepsia and rich grub.
And IL your dogs hurt, what
difference does IL make
whether It's bunions or
gout?
II you haven't got any
money you're safe. Nobody
will ever try to blackmail
you out of the soupstains
on your vest. II you have a
million income the Govern
ment inJects the income
toxin into your financial
system and walks of with
the entire gate receipts.
A poor man only gets
wrinkles from the weather.
You don't have to put a pad
lock on an empty soup ket-
tie. But a rich man has to
spend all his Jack for locks
and keys, He even keeps
his toothpicks In q safety
deposit vault. When you
hgure IL out with bor-
rowed pencil. it's all Even
stephen with the poor broth
ers living worse but longer.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
THE LUCK or IT.

low did ser 'urt yer 'and?"
Mailing up u horseshoe for luck"
REGGIE.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

Some people say Ford can do
everything q horse can. I've never
yet seen a Ford able TO chase flies
off its back with its tail, but it sure
can kick. r. H.
The Washington times., 1921-03-22

ODE TO THE UNDERWOOD.
The ribbon 10 ragged,
The type 10 not clean,
But IL still does duty
For Heard aad Seen.
OLD HORSE
The Washington times., 1921-03-22
MIR. B. Baer
ISN'T EVERYTHING

BY an understanding ma
jority Upper Silesia returns
to Germany after q short
diplomatic absence. The
Poles and the Germans took
a plebiscite of undamaged
Inhabitants. The result in
dicafes that the Tootens are
the best counters.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-03-01
Women's Summer Wei2ht
Union Suits
2 for $1.OO

An unusual opportunity for women to
secure high grade summer weight knit
Union Suits at very low price. They are
in bodice-top and regulation styles. knee
length. Anniversary price, for 500.
Knit Underwear, Second Floor
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-03-01
Gin8hau House Dresses
at $3.50 each

Cleverly fashioned, substantially made
house dresses of Bingham, chambray and
percale, in an assortment of styles.
Straight-line, fitted waist-line and other
conservative styles in pretty new plaids,
stripes and solid colors. Priced specially
for Anniversary at $3.50.
-Houss Dresses, Second Floor