The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-12


this acclaim of the great full people would
do her husband world of good.
NO SOONER, IN A M. o. s, SAID THAN
DONE, DEAR LADY.
Dear Mac: SAY!!!. Who is trying to put
something over on me-signing my 'pen-naue
to an arucle(D called AT the Marine Game
same being an imitation of The Goswogii" of
Tribune fame? l think some strong apologies
are due from somebody. l was not at the
Marine game, did l send in that article.
As for bootieggers, l haven't the honortC OF
knowing any of them by sight, name or in any
other way, either prominent ones or ones of
lesser light and fame and furthermore II did
know them I'd be cow-hcked and siobbered
on If I'd give them the consideration of writ
ing them up in the Tombstone Column.
think someone has lots of nerve TO use my
name in sending in their articles, and If l
couldn't send in my own name l wouldn't
borrow someone else's. Please see that this is
corrected. THE ORIGINAL CACTUS.
P. s.: 1 don't know drop-kick or touch
down when l it.
DID you read, on page IA of Fridays Argus,
the story describing the last resting place of
Americas unknown Soldier? fine piece Of
writing. 1t land other unknown dead"
storiesJ was written by Kirk l. Simpson OF the
Washington bureau of the Associated Press.
THIS SOUNDS JUST LIKE A TRAVELLING
MAN.
Sir: There has been printed The Prayer
of the Horse, "A Eulogy to the Dog" and sew
eral other eulogies and prayers more or less
known. In spite of Billy Sundays assertion
that the world is going TO the devil 1 present
"A Drummer's Prayer not original, but enc
"gadder" let me read. l doubt if you have
seen many of that aggregation with patches
on the knees of their trousers. But strange
things happen. Here ii is:
Look with forgiving eye, we beseech thee,
on the Buyers who lie TO US about the low
prices our Competitors give them.
Soften the hearts OF the Buyers who, as
soon they see drummer, get as busy as
a hen with one chicken and keep us standing
around until our feet warp; then buy only
two dollars and sixty-fve cents worth and want
it shipped out the first of next month.
Curb tendencies to firt with Married
Women-the single ones don't count: they
expect it
Teach US not to complain of the roler
towels the multitude hath used before we got
there.
Give us a digestive apparatus like an alli-
gator that we may digest the loin steaks cut
from the neck OF OK where the yoke hath
worked thereon.
Teach US to be thankful for the aloe-like
stuff they serve and call coffee.
Tougher hides that we may sleep I'M
disturbed in beds already inhabited.
Cause us to look with charitable eyes upon
our competitors. who are sorry lot anyway.
they may render US what little commission is
due us in full
Teach our wives patience so they will not
expect our wages before we get them
We beseech thee to overlook our absent
mindedness when we are away from home and
forget married.
And, in conclusion, we desire not to be
sent below.
I'VE have had enough of that place ON
earth SOLOMON pIF,FT,E
FOR four days the harried conductor If
this colyum has been endeavoring the find
time TO compile one of his inimitabIe (don't
you Just love that word0 diaries. Probably
four days more will have passed before he
gets around to it
Just now he is writing madly against time
because he has an engagement which it would !
break his heart to break. He is not ar all |
with what fills the balance of the (
colyum. '-
Possibly you may feel that he shows little
concern at any time. And possibly YOU
are right
HAS Any One" Asks Friend Rio, "a Verb to
Add TO This p
Letter to a railroad company via Tho Roston
Globe. rebounding from the Chicago
Posts PilIar.l
Genuemen: Why is it that your
switch engine has TO ding and dong and
hzz and spit and cang and bang and
Mss and bell and wall and mann and
rant and howl and yowl and CRATE and
grind and puff and bump and click and
cIank and chug and moan and boot and
toot ana crash and grunt and grasp and
groan and whistle and wheeze and
squawk and blow and jar and Jerk and
rasp and plngle and twang and clack and
rumble and 1angle and ring and cIatter
ana yelp and howl and hum and snarI
and puff and growl and thump and
boom and clash and jolt and jostle and
snake and screech and snort and snarI Il
and slam and throb and crink and ouiy
er and rumble and roar and rattle and
yell and smoke and smell and shrieE
like hell all night long?
WE have been bawled out by a contrib. he
ause we are alleged (good word, aIleged) to
ave CARRIED contribution received via the
eiep1one. Well, there's but one thing TO do
no that Is to take no chances.
% listen Mawruss II this here now ,
R. z MIG,