The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1921-07-08

Honeybug is a good story-teller, and he
was telling US bully yarn, and for
brief season we forgot the burdens
laid upon us, which are greater than
we can bear. If you could tell story
as well as Honeybug does, I'd fill these
ancestral halls with sllvery laughter,
but you never try to say anything
amusing, Mrs. Jamesworthy. You do
tell stories, but they are Of a gloomy
and tragic character
Last night, when came home, you
told dramatic story to the effect that
you had callers all afternoon, .and
hadn't chance to cook anything for
me, and so had to eat canned salmon
and soda crackers, and wash them
down with water, and l insist that
when husband comes home from his
arduous labOrs in the Changing mart,
so empty that his watch chain makes q
clanklng sound when 1t flaps against
his spine, he should have warm VIC
tuals, something he can consume with
pleasure and pride. The fact that you
had an invasion of callers is a cheap
excuse.
"My' sainted mother never would
have permitted any callers to interfere
with her management of the cook
stove. She realized that her old man
kept the shebang going. and that he
should have the right of way. If any
old hens happened to begin the house
when grub time approached, my moth
er would request them, firmly but re.
spectfully, to chase themselves, and IL
they didn't like 1t they could lump II.
When my father came home from his
work, the hay was always in the
manger for him. and he never had to
wait five minutes for meal.
"The day before yesterday, when ]
came staggering home, faint and
weary from my herculean efforts to
make both ends meet, you told me an
other story. 1t was to the effect that
you had been downtown sizing up q
shipment Of new spring hats, just re-
ceived at the millinery foundry, and
lapse of time, and didn't get home In
time to cook anything. But you flashed
q winning smile at me, and said II
wouldn't take you ten minutes to warm
up can of beans. and there was some
cold coffee left from breakfast, and you
had plenty of smoked behring's on
hand.
DOUBTLESS l should have burst forth
into boisterous laughter over this en-.
pertaining ahecdote, but somehow II
didn't appeal to my sense of humor.
I was so busy that day l hadn't time
to eat anything at noon. and all the
way home was hoping you would
have porterhouse steak about three
tatoes, and perhaps a slab Of mince
pie as an epilogue.
"The day before that, when came
home as hollow as a bass drum, and
fairly crashing my teeth with hun.
, ger, you related humorous story to
the effect that your club didn't adjourn
on time that afternoon, and you didn't
get home until late, so l would have
TO get along with picked-up supper.
If / would be patient a few minutes,
you said, to make the story seem more
spicy, you would boil an egg for me.
and there was cold corn bread In the
cupboard.
"Such stories, Mrs. Jamesworthy,
may seem highly amusing to an inno-
cent bystander, and have no doubt
they would make a great hit If written
up and printed in London Punch, but
there is something wrong with my
sense of humor, or am at the wrong
end of the stories. Anyhow, can't
gurgle over them as DO oveS Honey
hx1eS