davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
HUMA n


Frank B. Willis, recently appointed to fill out
Mr.. Hardings term in the Senate, is probably
one OF the best spoilers in the world.
Some years ago. when he was member or the
House, the National Press Club challenged Con-
gress to a spelling bee. The men of the press,
being in a way professional spoilers, expected
to have things pretty we'll their own way
Secretary Houston, then of the Department OF
Agriculture himself a schoolmaster, gave out
the words. They were a rare selection OF con-
torted multisyllabic terms such as no newspaper
used in writing story.
The journalists moved down. There
remained the floor two men-Representa-
tive Willis Of Ohio, originally a schoolmaster,
and Senator Ashurst of Arizona who evolved
from the calling of lumberjack and cowboy.
These two fought 1t out. Finally the word
"erysipelas' propounded. The Senator from
Arizona succumbed. Mr.. Willis was the victor.
Edwin T. Meredith Secretary of Agriculture,
was expatiating upon the unbusnesslike meth
DDS of printers and publishers Of papers. work
with which he has had much experience.
In a certain small town, he said, the publish
err of a paper went broke and had to close up
shop. A few days later he met the local banker
on the street and the latter was reminded that
the bank owed bill for a printing Job. The
banker asked the amount. sgnifying his desire
to pay.
This was gratifying to the bankrupt printer,
but he did not know the amount of the charge.
II you will come down to the shop will look on
the door jamb and l wrote tho amount
down on the door jamb.
But when they reached the shop preparations
were under way for a new tenant and the wood
work had been painted.
Copyright. 1921. by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
Once-OVerS
Copyright. 1921 Internai ona Feature Service, Inc
DO YOU DODGE OR TAKE TIT
by j. J. MUNDY.

Are you a "let George do it" sort of person?
In the place where you are employed do you
try to evade your duty in regard to certain
pieces Of work. especially IL the one who does
the work is held responsible for results?
Do you try to get out OF the hard Jobs, the
dsagreeable tasks, the skilfully particular ones7
II this is your idea of honest service do not
be surprised when retrenchments set in to nnd
yourself of the first to be dropped
The boss is wiser to your little schemes OF
Sinking than you imagine and the fact that you
are trying at the Same time to make him
think you a rather superior person because you
do one or two things well Is also point
about which you fool only yourself.
Men at head of departments and men who
employ great numbers of workmen select with
an idea of avoiding the man who Is fairly ex-
pert in some line, but who lodges doing other
kinds OF work.
The desirable man goes where he Is needed
most and does his best.
II you the work dodger, how can you eS-
pect that you will become expert at any other
job drawing more money? Advancement means
Willingness to jump into the harness at any place
and not shirk
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

Pleasures that bring remorse are debts
paid over and over.
He who engages in heated argument chills
sympathy for his cause.
He who gains command Of himself leads
the victorious side in life's battle.
That which man often mistakes for his
own wisdom, standing between himself and
misfortune, is but the shadow Of chance,
lowering over him in favorable mood.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
Stars and Stripes

An error is but truth crippled; falsehood
is truth slain.
A lie never wipes out wrong; instead, 1t
makes two out Of one.
The man who lives within his means will
never need to live without them.
The clock, whose days are numbered,
proudly strikes aloud each hour, boldly ticks
forth each second, while Time, the eternal,
wings its way in silence.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

The name suggests that
the new toy of the infantila
adult prodigies Is still In its
infancy. 1t takes the place
of the Cubists In the merry
cranial whirl in Greenwich
Village. Everything in the
village is done on a big
scale. Like weighing hay.
They figure that a wet roach
can't walk around under the
pipes without all the tick
cts for the parade falling
into the hands of specula-
tors.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
CORRESPONDENTS.

HARTFORD, Conn, Feb. 10, 1871
DEAREST GEORGE
Having nothing to do I now take my
pen in hand to write you a few lines.
Having nothing to say 1 close.
ROSE
DEAR ROSE
Your LONG letter received In
stead OF irving the pen in your hand
next time use your foot. Then you'll
grow CALLOUS to writing altogether.
GEORGE
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
CHARGE OF THE .LIMB, BRIGADE.

Half an inch, half an inch,
Half an inch shorter
Whether the skirts are for
Mother or daughter.
Briefer the dresses grow,
Fuller the ripple now
While whisking glimpses show,
More than they oughter.
Forward the dress parade,
Is there a man dismayed?
No-from the sight displayed
None could be sundered
There's not to make remark
Clergyman, clubman, clerk.
Gaping from noon till dark
At the Four Hundred.
BILLY
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
APRIL 1 CELEBRATION.

As for the huge celebration of
II and nuts planned for April 1,
the Shipping Board will move that
day from Sixth and b streets to
Potomac Park. Maybe we can
have a parade. wearing our nut
emblems. MARION L. L.
Oh and s fans are writing in
that they'll wear peanuts or other
nuts that day.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
JULES BACKENHEIMER.
THE LAST CHANCE!

Operator, give me Main So.
Hello Marie, i've been thinkin' o. you,
Feelin' lonesome, kind o. blue,
II you'll take me back again, 1 promise
to be true.
Yes buddy boy, you've told me that before,
One time, two times, three times, four,
But IL you hurry over, you Will md me AT
the door,
Cause I'm goin' to DO your sweetie one
'''' cHEE-cHAco
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
MOTHER!

That little poem captloned Mother"
Was indeed a lustrous gem,
A friend of mine told me another
Which made me say "ahem."
who came to me, with strap in hand,
And laid me across her knee.
Then whaled me till had to stand.
When at my meals I CHANGED to be?
MY MOTHERi
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
MIR. B. Baer
DADA.

Futurism arrived. dried up
and blew away. The Incl
dent is closed like q pinhole
in rubber. The newest cult
among the mezzanine philos-
ophers is labeled Dada.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
THE FAT CANDY CRY.

E. NJ. O'S. asked a question as to
what certain fat lady in a candy
store weighs. giving her height, di-
mansions, etc. The fans promptly tell
him she WEIGHS CANDY. Right
Answers by LEONA MAC, MARION L.
LARSON, F. I. F., G. H. MCCARTHY.
EDDY" DAVIS. LEONARDO JAY, c.
II. M, JOE c., and others. The last
named says she WEIGHTS on Gus
toners with winning WEIGHS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
''tOur Late War Heroes, !"
& What Sen. Capper Says

OF iedseu INSTITUTIONS run 1Or
profit. He might have gone further
and stated that many of them
have landed in State insane
asylums along with the criminal
and pauper insane; that many of
them have been arrested and
thrown in Jail and then committed
to insane asylums; and that some
of them have been found in county
institutions for the poor.
"As a matter of fact, nearly half
of these men are scattered all over
the United States in more than
1920 hospitals, State asylums, and
institutions where they are put
by the public health service and
paid for at the rate of approx
mately So day. This is a most
unsatisfactory state of affairs, and
there is little wonder that the
American Legion and other ex-
service organizations are raising a
cry for better hospital treatment
for these men and for new Gov
eminent hospitals.
"In view of the fact that there
will be twice as many disabled
men in hospitals during the ap-
preaching fiscal year as there were
this year, the reduction of the
amount to be appropriated for
their hospital treatment by ST.
100000 is a piece of economy to
which | refuse to subscribe.
awe have heard much about
salvage in connection with the
World War. There is no more i'm
portant kind Of salvage than the
salvage of human lives. DR..
Thomas w. Salmon, a great medi-
cal expert, says that at least half
Of the 1927 ex-service men suf-
fering from mental disorders as a
result of their service can be re-
stored to useful place in society
by adequate and proper hospital
treatment. Experts in tubercu-
losis estimate that at least one
third of the 3S,O33 men discharged
from the army with tuberculosis,
as a result of service, can have
their disease arrested. What this
Congress does with reference to
the appropriations for hospital
treatment during the coming year
for these men and for the erection
of new hospitals is a life-and-
death matter to these men.
Further than that, provision
must be made for new Government
hospitals into which these men
may be gathered from all sorts of
makeshift institutions - private
hospitals run for profit, county
farms, and State insane asylums
and given care and treatment
worthy of their fine service and
splendid sacrifice.
"The Government seems to have
fallen down completely in it's pro-
visions for the care and treatment
of disabled ex-service men. There
has been no failure connected with
the great war, in any branch or
department of the Government, so
abject and shameful as the failure
Of the care and protection of the
soldier. 1t is a disgrace to the
Government that thousands of ex-
service men, through disabilities,
are today in almshouses, asylums,
and even in filthy jails, due to the
failure Of the Government to keep
it's pledge to provide for their
needs.
"The relief of the returned
soldier should have precedence
over measures for the relief of
any other class of the COM
munity."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

Laugh and the whole world laughs
with you,
Weep and you weep alone"
Unless it's one woman telling her
troubles to two or three others and
then they may all weep together.
L. w. u.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
THOSE "BAwLED, ADS.

ThIs from The Post:
At Dupont circle - Working girl
wishes to share large front room with
hot and cold water. l. M W.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16


Below are some timely facts and
appropriate opinions from a speech
made by him in the United States
Senate.
After citing that GAL 900 men who
served Uncle Sam in uniform during
the great war were disabled in vary
ing degree-for example, 46,3lO were
discharged as tubercular, 1858 had
nervous or mental ailments, $4,000
were in need of surgical attention,
62,869 had something wrong with
eyes, ears, nose or throat-SenatoI
Capper continued:
"These are briefly, in figures,
the premises upon which the Gov
ernment's program of hospitaliza-
ton, compensation, and vocational
rehabilitation for the disabled man
must 60 forward.
experts estimate that the peak
of the problem will not be reached
for ten years and that in the mean
time $5,OOO,OOO,OOO must be spent
in its solution. More than a half
billion has been spent already.
Consider that total of 579,115 in
valid claims were allowed in the
thirty-six years following the Civil
War for an army of 100000 men,
and that, with the same proper
ton holding good, there will be
1,2O9,95O disability claims for the
5,O41,470 veterans of the World
War in the year 1856, and you
have a puzzle to work out that it
will take Congress and the Gov
eminent years to untangle.
"That ex-service claims for
compensation actually to be al
lowed will mount as high as half
"a million, that the number Of ap-
plicants for vocational training
will grow from 5000 to 100000,
and that those who must have
hospital care and treatment will
increase from 10000 at one time
to $4,000 at one time is con-
sentative prediction.
"The fact that 5000 ex-service
men with disabilities traceable to
their service are falling by the
wayside every thirty days is
something which seems to me
ought to be worthy of the deepest
concern and thoughtful attention
by every American. These men
are sons of your neighbor and of
my neighbor. To them we owe an
obligation that we cannot afford
to ignore. We have written laws
upon the statute book which pro-
vide for them hospital care and
treatment, compensation, and vo-
cational training, and it is mani
testify our duty to see that they
get the benefit of these laws in
their full intent and purpose.
"The surgeon general of the
public health service states that
10000 beds are urgently needed
for the care of tubercular and
mentally diseased ex-service men,
He states that on January 1, 1921,
there were 1903 disabled ex-
service men under treatment by
the public health service as pa
tents of the Bureau Of War Risk
Insurance-7,586 of them suffering
from tuberculosis, $500 of them
with mental disorders, and 5,743 Of
them with medical and surgi-
cal disabilities. He further dis
closes the fact that nearly one
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
THE HEROIsM OF PAT.

Pat and Mike fell overheard. Pat
could swim and Mike could not.
After reaching shore Pat jumped
back in and started swimming
toward Mike. "I've saved mesilf,"
said Pat land now I'm going back
to save me frind Mike"
ROMEO
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

The Dada epidemic will
shortly have New York by
the ears. 1t started in Paris,
which is the usual incubator
OF philosophical porcelain
eggs, spread to London, and
is being carried here by the
mice, the legitimate smbas-
sailors of dadsnic and other
mental plaques.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
WRITE THE CAKE EDITOR.

Say, Bill, Is there any chance get
ting in on this cake contest The
Times is going to pull off? I'm a star
Judge when II comes to cakes.
GEORGE w. r., Park View.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

Dada explains itself. A
Dadaistic artist paints the
portrait OF q boat-load OF
oysters in the hope that ono
of them may contain q pearl.
That's art carried right UP
into the king row. Each day
the short-haired women
comb their mop-like locks
in an effort to discover
something new.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
The Long-Lived Cedar.

II requires more than a century for n cedar
tree to grow large enough to yield a thirty
foot telephone pole. The eucalyptus will attain
a larger growth in thirty years. and its wood
II quite as durable as cedar.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
PURPLE cows AND CAKES.

GELETT BURGESS wrote
II never saw n purple COW;
Never hope to see one.
But l can tell you anyhow,
I'd rather see than be ONE
As for me
never met n cakie yet,
Nor had tho chance TO see one
But I can tell you this; You bet
I'd rather meet than be onei
JOE CONKLrN
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
X. MOUNTAIN lands.

They are finding fault with
Judge lands because he holds
that an honest bank teller Is
worthy of an honest wage. Moles
attacking a MOUNTAIN!
FRED VETTER.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
BILLY.

Sentry, dark night-Halt who goes
there?
Voice-Chaplain.
Sentry-All right, Charlie. come in.
SwEETIE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

The most important part Of
that poem Is the dada part.
1t sounds like a child call
ing for it's old man. It's a
substitute for real thinking
poetry. Like making pump
kin pie out of squashes. .
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
Florida's Reputation.

"Hi, there, sir" shouted Florida landlord to
n departing guest who was rushing for a train,
you've dropped your pocketbook." "All right"
shouted back the guest without stopping, 1--WE
further use for IT,"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
AFTERMATH OF THE 14TH.

"Oh, let me be your valentine"
The love-sick guy sighed.
Il do not like the comic ones"
The cruel maid replied
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

A Dada poet saturates his
sentiment in syllables like
an empty tomato can float
ing in the Gulf Stream. He
replies In rebuttal without
having been formally charg-
ed with anything. Here Is
a Dada poem:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

The most excellent point about
Gen. DAWES testimony was that it
was quite easy to understand what
he meant. EAMON.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
THE MODERN MARY.

Mary had a little frock,
The latest style, no doubt,
And when she got inside OF II,
She was over half way out.
CHEE-CHACO'S SISTER.
Four-year-old Nancy was plac-
ed at a corner of the table to
dine with company" at their
request. Repeated squirming
brought reproving looks from
mother. and this plaintaive de-
Tense from Nancy: But, mother,
the limbs under this table Is
hurtin' my legs"
c. j. MENASCO.
wife, reading paper-Woman dies
in her wine cellarl
Husband-oh, death, where IL thy
sting7 MARION Ia L.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
ss1 1EARl>nS5EElf'z1' -
TO ALL MALE KNOCKERS.

II the men are so offended
Cause we use powder and paint
To improve our real compilations
And appear like what we amt.
Why not make the bargain equal?
Let the men also go plain.
Put aside the soap and razor
And let whiskers bloom again.
FIFTY-FIFTY
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

Dada, the amphitheater
OF hash, a porus plaster on
the Sphinx, the executive
ability Of nutmeg, dada,
dada"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

The son OF colored minister, box
ing a friendly round with an an
tagonist who got rough with him,
cracked his opponent a stiff one and
It was all over. The minister took the
son to task and received this answer:
"Ain't yo' been preaching ter me dat
it's mo- blessed to GIVE dan ter
RECEIVEw
TIT nc phCRENUEIMER
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
Little acorns make great oak trees

II all the nuts dropped from
my car were as productive as
acorns the harvest of Flivvers in
Virginia would cause Henry Ford
to close his factory for six more
months SAM G. ROBINSON
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

To DOT: No, the editor has n
mustache.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16
Fl. SMITH
A BIBLICAL INQUIRY.

As there are often interesting
BIBLICAL problems IN the column, I
ask this: By hoto many names and
titles Is our Saviour mentioned in
the Biblef EAGLE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

From GEORGE T. COX, master
of ceremonies of the Press Bowling
Tournament: Keep up the clever
work of H and S. / read it every
night"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-02-16

Mose-Parson, dis am nne day.
Parson-Yes, the ground hog
doesn't seem to amount to anything.
Mose-Parson, dere's no chance dat
de good Lord am goin' to let er
ground hog run His business.
GENERAL DELIVERY.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1921-10-29

The Pleasantville Press comes to you
as an old friend and neighbor, telling
you all the home news while the city
dailies enter your house as a stranger.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1921-10-29

S1ll vi [AooISSO1Nt
will be held on Tuesday. November Sth,
1921, for the purpose of electing candi-
dates to fill the following offices:
Two Assemblymen
One Coroner
I Councilman at Large
I Councilman First Ward
I Councilman Second Ward
I Constable First Ward
Constable Second Ward
Justice Of the Peace First Ward
Also for the purpose of voting for or
against the adoption of the following:
Shall the act entitled IAN act authoriz-
ing the creation of a debt of the State of
New Jersey for the construction, extern
the State under the State Boar of Con-
troll of Institutions and Agencies, by the
Issuing of bonds in an amount not to ex-
coed fourteen million dollars; providing
the ways and means for the payment of
the interest accruing on said debt and
for the payment of the principal of said
debt at maturity, and the expenses in
connection Herewith, and providing for
at the next general election" approved
April eighth, one thousand nine hundred
and twenty-one. be adopted.
And notice is hereby further given. that
the board of registry and election will
meet at the following designated places:
First Ward-Fire House.
Said ward comprises all of the City
on the Northeast side of New Jersey
City line.
Second Ward-Absecon Inn.
Said ward comprises all on Southwest
side of New Jersey Avenue from Clem's
Branch to Creek to City Line.
And that the election officers will sit as
a board of election at the places above
mentioned on the above day. commencing
at 6 o'clock in the morning. closing at 2
sAMGftEL JOHNSON,
City Clerk.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1921-10-29
GENERAL
CITY OF

viii be held on Tuesday, November Sth.
1921, for the, PURPOSE of electing candi-
dates to fill the following offices:
WI Assemblymen
One Coroner
Mayor
Councllman-at-Large
One Councilman, 1st Ward
one Councilman, End Ward
One Assessor, End Ward
one Justice of the Peace, list Ward
Two Justices of the Peace, End Ward
One Constable, End Ward
Overseer of the Poor for whole City
Also for the purpose of voting for or
against the adoption of the following:
hall the act entitled IAN act authoriz-
ing the creation of a debt of the State OF
New Jersey for the construction, extern
the State under the State Board of Con-
troll of Institutions and Agencies, by the
issuing of bonds in an amount not to ex-
coed fourteen million dollars; providing
the ways and means for the payment OF
the interest accruing on said debt and
for the payment of the principal Of said
debt at maturity. and the expenses in
the submission of this law to the people
at the next general election approved
April eighth. one thousand nine hundred
and t~wenty-one, be adopted.
And notice is hereby further given tina
the board of registry and election will
meet ct the FOLLOWING designated places:
near Shore Fast Line.
Said Ward comprises all territory East
of the Shore Fast Line.
Second Ward-School House, Mill
Said Ward comprises all territory West
of Shore Fast Line.
And that the election officers will sit as
a board of election at the places above
mentioned on the above day, commencing
at 8 O'Clock in the morning, closing at Z
O'Clock in the evening.
GEORGE II. MULLER,
CIfV Clark