New-York tribune., 1921-03-13

the room with flashlights to raid the
place. A threatened stampede was
averted by a quick return of the lights
end the music OF the Police Band
marching up the center aisle. Smooth
Dick" headed the parade, and the off,
GERS fell In behind without molesting
the diners. The members OF the bard
carried musical instruments Of the
zo-bo variety, into which they Justify
blew the tune Of "El Captain"
Lyrical Advice on Crime
The opening song followed when the
troops had reached the stage. The air
OF tho Sousa march WAS maintained.
One verse, with the chorus, ran:
TO stop all kinds OF crimes
In tho wsy that Ia most effectual,
To keep UP With the times
And show yourself intellectual.
Don't DO sneering,
Don't be jeering,
Do7rinocriHv,
Oh. my, mol
When you are after thieves
Abandon your .bla ck Jack and y~ur gun
And carry a trumpet or q drum;
Hts Job each robber leaves
Whenever no hearts "toot-toot" or "tun1-
CHORUS
Oh. list to thestunes Of the bad,
ING guardian OF all the city.
Under its ahelter!ng hand
Every citizen Is safe.
Its service is yours to command
Against every species OF band!tti.
with wind and brass
We guard the city.
The program announced that "The
Assassins of City HALL would present
their own "Crime Wave" a mystery
play of the present administration, con-
sisting Of prologue and six acts. The
curtain Went up on Act I, when New
York Sleeps" with City Hall Park at
night and the various members Of the
Board Of Estimate, dressed as thugs,
asleep on the benches. A Salvation
Army band entered, led by "Sister
Lizzie Marplot," who was later intro
duced to Red Mike" and his fellow
footpads, and attempted to get them
cess.
Cred Mike" confessed that he was
"the best Mayor that ever burgled this
little old burg He accused Borough
President Curran, who appeared as
Hank, the Manhattan Burrower, OF
playing politics when the latter called
the Mayor "a regular vacuum cleaner"
Board Splits the Spoils
The Board Of Estimate met in Act .
to. apportion the garments Of the city.
They still wore their hold-up clothes.
II was then that the Police Commits
sioner dropped in to deny the wave of
crime again and got the laugh, even
from the Tammsny members Of the
board.
Act ga New Leader opened at
Fourteenth Street, with Deputy Police
Commissioner Harriss regulating traf-
fc. He had trouble in convincing CAP
Smith, who made his entrance sitting
on keg Of heer % OH truck drawn
by the Tammany Tiger (Mr. Hagerty iii
a tigers skin). At the suggestion Of
Al, the Deputy Commissioner went up
town to regulate the liquor traffic,
(which would give him something real
to do"
After the real AL in the audience had
been served with some Of the brew
from the truck, Tom Smith appeared
and told the other Smith the sad story
Of the plot by which he intended to
oust Charles +. Murphy from the
leadership of Tammany Hall. Tom said
he glued yard Of alfalfa TO the chin
Of Murphy one day when he was at
tackled by the sleeping sickness. Tom
S-N S1i1SO tAuO IIlC CllLCl l&Q pl OlIA-
ised to give up the leadership when
three things happened: First, when
there were more Republican voters in
Manhattan than Democrats; second,
when it looked as if Mayor Hylan
have chance Of being reelected, and
third, when the chiefs whiskers grew
down to his knees. All three things
had happened, Tom declared, and Muir
ply was coming to turn over the
Leadership, to Al, while Tom acted as
Public Administrator at the ceremony
Mascot Cnmasks Murphy
Murphy appeared, a tottering old
man with long red whiskers to his
knees, his political days numbered and
his mind wandering. Good Old Tige,"
the Tammany mascot. saved the day
Tor the chief by appearing at the psy-
Geological momen. and tearing off his
masters whiskers, disclosing the plot.
Tom and Al retiring in disgust, while
Murphy resumed the leadership. So
young did he feel that he executed r
brisk dance with the Tiger at the end
of the act.
The fourth act displayed Sing Sing
Prison, with the, warden in the recep-
ton room complaining about the biz
lush of business caused by the results
of the Lockwood and Whitman investi.
cations here. Three prisoners sang the
solos to song entitled "The Blue Law
Blues" from their cells to the tune of
Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, the Boys Are
Marching" On each chorus a gang OF
"convicts" doing the Lockwood step"
marched across the stage.
Act the fifth was given over to sing
ing old New York songs, with settings
and stunt Accomplishments. One was
dedicated to Cal" Smith and went to
the sir of "The Sidewalks of New
York" The words to these songs were