Arizona republican., 1921-11-26
LARDNER WEEKLY LETTER


To the Editor:
 I am often asked the question how often do I go to town, meaning N. Y. City and when 1 say I don't go there no oftener than I can help why they look at me like I was a moron or something and once in a while somebody makes the remark that they would think I would get bored to death staying out here all the time and I must be crazy to live so close to N. Y. and yet hardly ever go there and enjoy the excitement. etc. Well, friends, when a man gets to my age they don't go chasing around after excitement. but even if I felt craving for same I wouldn't half to leave. home to get same. Anybody that thinks Great Neck is a 2d Gopher Prairie is crazier than Bugs Baer.
 They certainly ain't been nothing monotonous about my home life lately, for though I have got prac- ticaIly the same wife and kfddics which I have had for many a moon, still they ain't hardly a day passes when 1 don't see a strange face in the house and they's been instants when I was introduced to the new nurse and the new cook the same day, and before I could make out which was which they was both
 
 gone.
 The most of them don't wait for no letter of recommendation, though they has been a few who 1 would of been glad to write about at great length For instance. they was one nurse who I could of recommended as the most hopeful lady ever I seen. She would steal a door or a double bed and hope they wouldn't nobody miss it. The day she left l got a rope out of the garage and tied the house to a tree.
 The last exodus was a married cou- ple that the husband urove the fllV and the wife was incendtary. bus we was willing to eat what she burnt because the husband could go to the station and back without changing tires. But they's something wrong with all of them and it turned out that this guy had been a Yankee fan eyer since the American League come to N. Y, and after the world s serious he just simply quit work ana set around all day scolding different
 A NEW GAME
 But a person don't half to depend on the servant problem for excite T,ent as some of the boys has started a new game called law suits and they have got me playing on dafense The fifth to the last driver We had was coming along through Gensington one day with car icau of my children when all of sudden thev was attacked by a taxi. but my man knocked the taxi for gool ano spilled a couple of fares named Rosenberg and Cohen or something
 These boys was hurt so pao that they had to walk over to the ond buU a niCEel'S WOrIf of court plaster, and in couple weeks got notice from their lawyer that the both of them was practallS dead and wouldn't never be able tc work no more and would l please come acrost with S20,00O.
 Well, friends. I decided to not pay if and the other reason was because figure that if a man is fixed SC that he can't work no more he should oueht to be tickled to death an( send be a card of thanks instead O trying to put the screws on me foi a weeks pay.
 So long about this same time they was a rlImor spread around that th' tennis court which the man hat nromised to have it built by the of June was now ready for acuoI and the man that built II Woulu hliI' n. of like to have his pay for same. S' I nut on my shoes and went out ant took a look at it and if they hadn' told me it was supposed to be a ten his court I would of thought 1t wa the Great Lakes. I guess the maj must of heard somebody refer to tn net game and thought tennis wa some kind of fishing.
 So. anyway, I says I would settl as sbon as land was sighted and tn man says they was a spring up tn hill behind the court and the sprini drained right down on the court, bu that wasn't his fault, ar he hadn' even knew the spring was there whel he started to build the court. so told him to get better acquainte with the spring and see if he couldn' coax it to drain somewheres else. an, when he done that l would settle fo the court
 But he went away mad and nov my lawyer is exchanging mash note