Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-05-04

PERTH AMBoY EVENING Me-
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McLukc.
Copyright, 1920, by The Cincinnati Enquirer.
BARRIERS.
The Barber often makes you hot,
For YOU can't make him see,
The way he likes your hair is not
The way it ought to be.
Paw Knows Everything.
WiUie-Paw, what does kimona mean!
Paw-Kimona is Japanese for Mother Hub
bard gown, my son.
Bless Her Heart!
While we have never met the young lady'
we are inclined to the opinion that Miss Bru-
nette Fox, of Little Rock. Ark, is not a oionde'
Blind.
There's lots of truth in this snort wheeze'
And it may make a Fellow STARE
But, when he gets blind drunk, he sees
A lot of things that are not there.
Ooof!
Il suppose that you have had a chsckered
career" said the Visitor to the Penitentiary.
yes" replied Convict 1913. But it ended
up in stripes"
No Jokci
at pays to tell the truth, egad,.
In some things" said Old Nish;
But il you tell the truth, my lad,
You'n catch the smallest fish,
The Wise Fool.
eve never know what we can do until we
try" observed the sage. ...s
That's right" commented the Fool. And
then we are likely to be sorry we found out
Amt Poets Crazy!
He heard the happy poet sing:
oh, see, the bird is on the wing:
"In bet ten bucks" the man demurred,
Hell find the wing is on the bird!'
Epitaphs Is Epitaphs.
An Illinois widower has had this epitaph
chiseled on the stone he erected over the grave
of his late wife:
Therefore / Weep
Still Some Hope.
Beer gives you Brights disease.
Whiskey ruins your stomach.
Wine gives you govt.
Pop gives you diabetes.
Milk may contain germs.
Water may give you typhoid.
What the HEX is a Teller gonna drink?
Luke McLuke.
Now Luke. while all of this is true
There still Is left some hope for you;
Don't be a grumbler, quite so chponlc;
We still have bay rum and hair tonic.
Charleston Is. Co. News and Courier.
A party saw a water power min advertised
for sale and went to the property to inspect II;
The dam was there, but the mill had decayed
and rusted and was in bad shape.
What do you think of it?" asked the Agent.
well" was the reply. There's a dam by
a mill site, but there's no mill by a dam site!
Unpopular Songs.
He may have seen Wetter days,
Once upon a time:
He may have seen wetter days,
When he was in his prime.
Though by the wayside he lays,
For his hooch he always pays,
Some poor bootlegger is waiting for him
Who has seen wetter days.
Gosh!
Sounds like a boss and a hired man, doesn't
it! r. S. Douthat and c. G. Douthlt both live
in Huntington. w. Va.
If Lawn Green. of Cedars, Okla, who was
arrested for making whiskey last week, man
ages to get out of the jam, We'll give him a job
keeping the grass in shape around the Names
Is Names Club.
Thank!
II want a raise
Said William Taitor,
An right" said the Boss.
Take the elevator!"-T. G.. H.
Here's a Hard Guy! .,it-
B. A.. stone. Flint, Mich.
Things to Worry About.
The real name OF Suppe, the composer: IS
francesca Erechiele Ermenegildo Cavaliere
Suppe senelli.
Help!
What the HEX are We gonna do with Parchy
Hare? He lives in Mount Vernon, Texas
Our Daily Special.
Good Behavior And Good Luck Are Running
Mates.
Luke McLuke Says
Before marriage he loves her from the bot
tom of his heart. After marriage he discovers
that he has a lot Of room left at the top.
Our ideas of q Dignihed Man is one who can
act that way when he steps on a wooden collar
button with his bare foot.
Some men buy books and lend them. Others
borrow books and keep them.
Once in a while a poor, but honest, man gets
so respondent that he figures that the wages of
sin his wealth.
1t is hard to criticize the man who keeps
his mouth shut. You can't tell whether he Is a