New-York tribune., 1921-12-11

winter man could use his wfe's summer set
And the keynote Of the whole would be
economy.
THE DELEGATE--Ah that would appeal
to the taxpayers They always have been
prejudiced against war.
THE PREHISTORIC MAN - Naturally,
but now the expense would be negligible.
Your cities still would s.ae1 The entire
landscape 49,. not ne exeayated. a;ss
the ~,-.o swinging was going on the pursuits
of peace might alse continue in all but the
area in immediate Use for martial purposes
Tractors would keep right on plowing instead
Of being converted into tanks, and airplanes
would drop your morning mail usual, not
your night bomb.
THE DELEGATE-Bu is this practical?
THE PREHISTORIC MAE-Why not?
Simply take something like a 5-5-3 ratio to
start on and get busy with greatest common
divisor. Mind you, / wouldn't elirai2s.e aay
of your modern hospital conveniences and the
like. Ny idea is to make war as pleasant as
possible.
THE DELEGATE-Wo Would that not consist
in abolishing it completely?
THE PREHISTORIC MAN Ga trifle hard
boiled)-Naw, can't be done. Men love to fight
too well. War, the right kind of war, is great
stuff. 1t was great exercise in my day. Built
right up and I was in splendid condition
when / finally was bumped off. Much better
than this silly golf stuff. You see, the armies
never lay around in wet, freezing trenches in
those campaigns. They kept on the move and
in action. (His eyes glow, burning with mar
tial recollections.) All, then we knew the true
IF obof Tbo hot -fr
Man to man, chest to chest, we fought. Club
parried club crashed on skull. The sweat
ing, close-massed ranks clashed and recoiled
and with harsh, thrilling battecries cashed
again. Men singled one another out, smote
till one went down and then sought another
foen1an, painting in great gasps of pure, un-
tainted air Columns charged and fleet bow
men followed the fight of the flint arrows
they launched to close with the enemy That
was war. C'etait Ia guerre!
THE DELEGATE deans forward and his
eyes, too gleaming)-Ah.
THE PREHISTORIC MAN-Aha, The
lust Of battle leaps even in the thin blood of
your pale veins!
THE DELEGATE (retiring hastily into a
dignifed reserve And your non combat
ants?
THE PREHISTORIC MAN-There we pre-
histories were more civilized than you. The
women and children were at a safe distance
from the limited locality in which the battle
ragged. Today they undoubtedly would be
bombed. Then they never even felt club
that IS, in war, of course. AS matter of
little home disciplinc-ahem. No. war is for
the warriors. As they alone taste its fierce
ecstasy, it is but meet that they alone should
bear its smarts with their bodies
THE DELEGATED suppose that was
the club you used.
THE PREHISTORIC MAN-Ycs. and \
goodly weapon it was-a design I would
recommend for general adoption with clause
on the limitation and restriction of models OF
clubs permitted. You know, you must keer
war simple and unassuming. That was the
secret you lost. The minute war gets com.
plicated and developed and scentihc-gooc
night.
THE DELEGATE-Right-o Good night.
At this moment cock which by some odd
chance has escaped being serevd up as
Chicken la Maryland" at one of the manvl
dinners for arms conference delegates
crows. The Prehistoric Man begins to do a
neat fade-out, his greenish light growing
deeper and DINNER.
THE PREHISTORIC. MAN-Sorry. Press
ing engagement. Remember now-war---
simple and assuming--sinp--.
CURTAIN