The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1921-02-03
WARS AND RUMoRs OF WARS.

WARS AND RUMORs OF WARS.
Pat Tribe to Engage in Conflict With
Tribe Of Leans-Scalps Will
Be Flying in the Air.
The tribe Of Fats have once more
called out their medicine men, beat the
tomtoms, danced the scalp and war
dances and finally and solemnly decided
to take to the warpath for the sole
and express purpose of wiping the
tribe Of Leans clear off the horizon-in
a basketball way. The whole fuss
started over a dispute between Big
Chief George Ross of the fat tribe
and Medicine Man Odegard of the lean
outfit, the bone of contention in the
argument being whether the last bat
tie between these hated rivals was
won by the fats or the leans. Each
representative vocifcrously claimed
that his side had been victorious and
waxed warm and excited in the argu-
ment. The records of this famous bat
tie of the past were lost in the re-
moval of the records Of the county
from Princeton to Milaca, 50 it was
finally agreed that the only way to
determine this momentous question
was to fight the battle all over again
with the agreement that if the fats
won the present encounter they had
also won the past one vice versa.
Chief Ross is calling in his subchiefs
and warriors now and laying down
training rules for them so that they
may be in tip-top condition when the
two clans clash. If you happen to
notice massive shape moving slowly
and majestically down the middle of
the road in the early morning mists
don't think for minute that one of
Uncle Sans biggest battleships has
come up the Rum river for, battle ma
neuvers. No indeed! 1t is only Joe
Mossman out for his beforc-brcak-
fast hike and sprint so that his wind
may be in excellent shape when he
hurls his ponderous weight into the
ranks of the skinny leans in the COM
ing battle.
Chief Ross has taken to wood split
ting to improve his condition and has
developed a perfect mania for unsplit
wood piles. He has all his own and
the neighbors' finished now, and any
one who desires his wood split can"be
accommodated by dropping card to
Chief Ross and giving him the location
of the pile. The chief does the work
free of charge and even pays the own
er a bonus if the pile is an especially
hard one with plenty of knots and
crooked pieces.
Mayor Vandevanter is also counted
on as one of the star performers for
the fat tribe and, being originally
from Missouri, he has broken all
standard rules of training and adopted
typical "show-me" attitude that
clearly brings out some of the char
acteristics of his early training in the
state that produced General Pershing,
Champ Clark, Frank and Jesse James
and other prominent and noted men
in American history. His peculiar
hobby consists of getting onto all the
entertainment committees of the vari-
Gus lodges, clubs and other local or
CARNATIONS that are now flooding the
market with a wave of dances, enter
tainments, games, etc. This gives
Van a chance to do whole lot of
chasing around, running up stairs
and down, wrestling with other COM
mitteemen who happen to oppose his
ideas of how to put that particular en-
tertainment across, and performing all
the other various and numerous ac-
tivities of a hustling committeeman.
From continuous practice Van has
now got so efficient that he can run
up two fights of stairs without stop,
balancing a kettle of hot soup on his
Uranium without spilling drop, Twill
ing a fresh baked mince pie on the
forefnger of his right hand and in the
other hand swinging roast goose as a
bandmaster would swing his baton.
Suffice to say that when this rugged
specimen of Missourian manhood
starts ont of his famous charges into
the ranks of the leans the human
wreckage left in his wake will look
like the pictures of Napoleon's retreat
from Russia.
F. w. Manke is also slated to play
an important part in the contemplate
ed defeat of the leans. The local po-
tato king is getting his wind up by
chasing after the wagons of the far
mers who unload at the warehouse.
Whom he ovort ckos thouo ho doT;xorc