The Sneedville news. (Sneedville, Tenn.) 191?-19??, 1921-09-09
MY MUSTACHE
BY VIVIAN c. BURBANK.

IL TOOK nree vars 10 raise the
thing the way wanted IL. Natural.
" was attached to 1t and was proud
q my achievement.
whes the folks back home said fat-
ly 1t couldn't be done. I knew it could
and proved It'll
Whatever possessed me to part with
II is beyond me. a
/ stepped nearer the glass and
looked closely at my upper lip.
Not a trace Of my beloved mustache
remained. The barber certainly had
done a good job.
To be frank, wasn't exactly
pleased with the effect. had been
on the road for over year and this
was my first trip home In that time.
"Yes, that's him, all right" The
next thing I knew hand grasped my
shoulder. Turning. ! confronted q big
burly cop!
"wbars the big ideaf" asked.
you're under arrest"
"Under srrest" ! stammered.
what forr
All right for you. Jim O'Dayl You
tell your little story TO your wife.
here"
> looked stupidity at the woman who
stepped up In front Of me.
"Why. hang II all, officer. ! never
had wife,"
THAT'S all right. but you just come
with me and tell II to the chief"
"Say, who In Sam Hill do you take
me forT'
Lost your memory, ehg" sneered
the woman.
you're all wrong, my man. this is
an outrager
"It wasn't an outrage when you left
your wife. was it?"
you're mad. woman. Great guns.
can't you tell your own busbandY"
THAT can" screamed the woman.
Already we were the center Of curl
Gus meb.
"See. that's my husband and that
pictures you"
And neither did IL OF course ! be-
gan then TO see light. burst out
laughing. slapped the officer ON the
back good-naturedly, and said:
zone on you, old man, may re-
semble this picture; you see. I've worn
a mustache up TO an hour ago"
- How long did you own mus
tacheY' asked the woman, sarcastically.
"For just about three years, up TO
an hour ago."
"Ha, ha You should have kept the
thing. Just three years ago the third
OF this month my Jim cleared out"
You're a sly-one." grinned the fat
cop. THAT gag is q old as pour
grandmother" was furious. More
so when ! saw the patrol wagon pail
up to the curb. TUNED 70 the WON
an. and shaking my fist at her. told
her In few words just whatI thought
Of her.
you'd better be careful what you
say. boss. What you say generally
goes against you
climbed into the wagon, followed
by that lunatic Of n woman. and the
officer. He was sizing me up in good
shape.
Mother womanf" he asked under
his breath.
II tell you there's no woman. That
maniac sitting there is no more my
wife than you are" =
MANIAC, am IT. She began 10 rave
worse than ever.
you're a fine man. you are. You're
a fine man 10 be the father Of eight
darlings."
Eight darlings be hanged" I thun
dered.
"Pooh-you know well enough. Jim
the baby-just wait until you see him.
First In his class he Is. And Charlie
has a swell Job at the box factory.
Kate Is some piano Mayer. Gets $40
q week down 10 Flam's movies. II you
want 10 do the right thing. Jim, I'll
tell the boss it's sorry am I ever
had you pinched, and wen forget IL
ALL"
"wnl you keep that trap OF yours
closed for five minutes?" I shrieked
at her.
81 will not" she yelled back at me.
shaking her fist. You're just the
same old brute you always were
Here we are, boss"
Believe me ! was some glad To get
out. I was led up the steps Of the
station house.
The door opened: stood up and
faced the chief.
"JIm Harrison. what the dickens
are you doing heref"
There. now, you heard me call Jim,
didn't your piped up the woman In
n shrill voice. TRY 10 tell me ] don't
know my own husband
For once luck was with me- Funny
hadn't heard Billy wayland had
been made chief.
II didn't take me long 10 tell my
story. and after wayland had heard
me through. u didn't take him long
to straighten out matters.
Billy Insisted that I 20 home 20 din
nor with him. lie and his wife sure
did enjoy themselves at my expense.
"Oh. hut you look lots nicer without
H." smiled Billy's wife. Sweeily. Sure
" you don't let a little thing like that
bother youT--
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