davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
SYSTEM DID NOT WORK WELL
Engllshwoman Found Some Disadvan-
tages in Giving Instructions in
the Sign Language,

An English lady was talking about
her eleverness In getting Russian
servant. "She can't speak a word of
English, and l can't speak Russian"
she finished. "But how do you man
age, then?" asked her friend ooh,
IT'S quite simple. just wave my
hands about and make faces, and If
she doesn't quite understand. She goes
Off and does something else. so all
the work gets done in time" Later
on the friend called, hoping TO catch
glimpse of the Russian treasure,
and found the mistress in tears.
"That dreadful BolsheYik" she walled.
"She came up to ask what she was
to do next, and ! made scrubbing mo-
tons, meaning the kitchen floor, OF
course. and she did 1t on my lovely
polished dining table instead, and It
is absolutely ruinedl And now she's
sulking In the kitchen, smoking my
cigarettes, and | can't make her I'M
stand that she's not to take themI"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
NOT IN WHOLESALE BUSINESS
Amount of Rouge This Damsel Would
Require More Than Druggist
Carried In Stock.

The drug store was quite near the
dancing hall; but the druggist was not
dancer, and had been in bed many
hours when he was awakened by the
violent ringing of his night bell.
With sleepy words of complaint he
pulled himself from his warm bed.
Mines not to reason why, or some
poor soul may do a guy" he murmured
philosophically.
Throwing up his bedroom window lie
allowed the first cold gust of wind to
rush past him, then put his head out.
Below he saw a young lady.
what can lido for you. miss?" he
inquired. rs anyone dying?"
"Oh, nor came back in sweet tones.
but I'm dancing at the hall close by,
and have quite run out of rouge"
"IndeedT snorted the disguised
chemist. Il am very sorry, miss, but
never keep enough rouge in stock to
cover a cheek like yours"
Then he banged the window down
and returned to bed.-Chieago Daily
News.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

1t is not an uncommon sight how TO
see young girl get up and offer her
seat In the subway &c an elderly wom-
an. whose entrance has been ignored
by the male passengers. Such usual
ly brings some blushing humble man
to his feet with a stammering offer Of
have my seat" hut the climax was
reached the other evening in an up
town restaurant when a middle-aged
woman took seat at the same table
with one Of her own sex, a stranger
to her, and on finishing dinner politely
inquired:
DO you mind if l smoke?"-New
York Sun.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
SARAH HAD GENTLY HINTED
Remark Might Have Led Beau to
Imagine She Disapproved Of
His White Clothes.

Mrs. Morgan had a colored maid
named Sarah. One Sunday afternoon
the mistress saw Sarah's lover leaving
the house clad In suit of white fan
mel. A little later. when the maid ap-
peared. her mistress said:
Sarah. that beau of yours should
never wear white. he is so black that
white clothes makes him appear all
the blacker Why don't you give him
a hlntT'
"Why. Mis- Morgan" said Sarah,
with animation. Il done give him lots
OBJ hints, but he jes' natterly amt got
no sense an didn't take EN-"
"PrObably you didn't make the hints
strong enough" said the mistress.
swell, nom, OATS jes' what ! think
myself" agreed Sarah, refiectively; 81
don't believe l did. l Jest looks at
him right hard, an l says. 'Niggah,
20 sho' do look like black snake
crawlIn' out OBJ cream, you dor Tbet's
jes' all l says TO him. Mis- Morgan.
OATS ALL"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

"A bant, or something. is raising
thunder at Gabe Hornboggle's house. .
related neighbor. II was there
luther night. and after we'd set for a
spell 1t commenced. The table was
Topped over by unseen hands. three
drawers of the bureau slid out by
their selves and dumped all the stuff
on the floor, flock of spoons came
floating in from the kitchen, n gun in
the corner fell down and shot one of
the dogs, and all such as that. never
seed such goIn's-on in my life"
"Then you hain't never drunk none
OF Gabe's bone-dry Ticker beforeT" III
luired a resident of Mount Piggy,
Ark.-Kansas City Star.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

He had one of those long mus
wholesome Of the kind that. If you
had been buying him birthday pres
ent few years ago, you would have
thought of a musiaehe cup the FIRST
thing.
Everybody had been making fun of
It, so one Sunday morning he shaved
1t off. The first person to get look
at his upper lip In 20 years was a
neighbor girl about the age of four.
As she came into the house she said :;
"ohl Mr.. Bowin, you look just as
funny as ever"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

So that am now able to do my work.
recommend your Vegetable Compound
to my friends who have troubles similar
to mine and you. may use these facts
as a testimonial. Mrs. CT. PHILLIPS,
Toomsboro, Ga.
Weak, nervous women make unhappy
homes, their condition irritates both
husband and children. II has been
said that nine-tenths of the nervous
prostration, nervous dependency, ''the
blues, irritability and backache arise
from some displacement or derange-
ment of woman's system. Mrs. Phil
lips letter clearly shows that no other
remedy IS so successful in overcoming
this condition as Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Two children were talking.
''What is 1t that makes day and
night, anyway" asked one.
swell, you see, the earth turns
around on an axis" answered the
other.
DO you mean to say that the earth
tOrns around and around?"
"Yes. What are you laughing atT'
Il was just thinking how funny 1t
would be if the axle got rusty and the
earth stopped.
why. TIE axle doesn't get rusty ;
they keep it oiled all the time"
where do they oil 1t. In Gilman
"No, in Greece"
The silent man inspires respect.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

]. B. Erik, Of Richmond, Va, who
is organizing the National Teachers
Training association, says that a little
negro whom the other called young
Bird" on account of the size of his
mouth, was standing on the railroad
track and another one called out;
alley dere, boy. cit offer dat tract. Eff
de engineer would came along and
see dat mouf Of yone, he'd think Il
was car shed and run his train right
IN ~
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
JUST MATTER OF DEDUCTION
As the Boy Explained II, the Finding
Of Horse Was Really Quite
Simple Matter.

Speaking of the development of the
storytelling talent in youth, Richard
Bennett, the actor, Is fond OF relating
this incident:
Some years ago a prominent citizen
of town lost a horse. 1t was not
much of horse. In fact. 1t was blind
in one eye and spawned. But. per-
haps as n relic. Bennett says, the
prominent citizen wanted the horse.
SO he advertised, Offering s. reward
for its return. The town half-wlt. a
boy of nineteen, with harelIp. came
one afternoon leading the horse, with
strap about the size of a shocstring,
TO the prominent citizens door. The
horses owner was pleased.
Now" said he kindly. seeming a
good narrative and perhaps an ad.
venture, NOW, my boy. here's your
So; and I'll give you another IS II
you'll tell me Just how you found my
horse"
well. all right" said the boy. II
jus thought If ] was that old horse
where l would go. and l did and he
was"
He got the extra fiye.-Kansas City
Star.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Mrs. Hicks Relieved
By Four EatOniCS

II have taken four Eatonie tablets
and they relieved me of sour stomach.
I recommend it to everybody" says
Mrs. G. p Hicks.
II stomach is not dlgesting your
food; if you have sourness, bloatlng,
food repeating, Indigestion or acid
stomach, Eatonic win remove the
cause by taking up and carrying out
the acidity and gases, bringing quick
relief and healthy digestion, Why suf-
fer stomach trouble? Why not keep
your digestion normal and enjoy good
health? An EatOnlc taken after each
meal will prevent discomfort and pain.
Make the test today and see how
quickly this wonderful remedy acts.
1t comes in handy tablet form. Carry
1t with you. A big box costs only
tribe with your druggists guarantee.
-=--=====--- =
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

I prided myself on my verse. Imag-
Inc my embarrassment when l visited
an editor to dispose of what consld-
cred a gem and this conversation
ensued:
''We can't use your poem" said the
editor.
SIS It too long?" / asked.
But the editor was exasperated by
this time.
Eyes, he shouted. "too long and too
wide, and too thick. Chicago Amer
lean.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Catarrh

Catarrh is q loci disease greatly infiu-
snced by constitutional conditions
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE is a
Tonic and Blood Purifier. BY cleansing
the blood and building up the System,
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE restores
normal conditions and allows Nature to
do its work.
An Druggists. Circulars free.
+. ]. Cheney & Co. Toledo, Ohio.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Collectors of customs. being con-
stantly on the watch for smugglers,
have certain demands which they re-
peat almost unconsciously. Not long
ago tourist came ashore with a bad.
ly swollen cheek.
what have you there" asked the
customs officer, pointing to the swell
ing.
AN abscess, sir" was the reply.
"Well." said the officer, impatiently,
"open 1t. please. Boston Transcript
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Now when the. mortality rate Of
grandmothers, etc. is about to reach
its peak, one firm, large employer
of boys, and evidently with some feel
ing for grandmothers. has inaugurated
an employment application blank
which calls for full and detailed In
formation regarding the health Of
their relatives.-New York Evening
Post.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

That diner over there must be hard
to please"
'Why sOT'
'He's called the head walter half
dozen times and demonstrated with
him."
"Oh. he's merely trying to convince
the head waiter that he's n safe person
to be served a drink.
Age-Herald.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
economy.

.'yog tSrc- s.r.c: economy, vi
course"
yes" replied Senator Sorghum.
"But my attitude toward economy Is
a good deal the same as my attitude
toward the violin. | want the other
fellow to do the Rracticing and let
me do the applaudingn
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

was so weak and ner-
vous / didn't know
what TODD, and could
not do my work. Ny
trouble was deficient
and irregular peri
DDS. / readsin the
papers what Lydia
Z. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound had
done for others and
decided to give it a
trial. / got good
raqnlfa from, tie ,.aa
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

That itch and burn with hot baths
of Cuticura Soap followed by gentle
anointings Of Cutcura Ointment.
Nothing better. purer. sweeter. espe-
cially if little of the fragrant Cuti-
cura Talcum is busted on at the I'm
ish. Csc each everywhere.-,Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Can't Get Away From II

"This book tells you how to econo-
mize"
do I need book to tell me that?"
"Huh2"
Economy is forced on me. can't
get away from IT."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

''why do you have those rails
there2 Is 1t to prevent people from
stealing your goods?"
NO. They are for people to catch
hold OF when they hear of our prices.
Copenhagen Ravnen.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

When a man asks a girl to be his
wife in these days Of hole-proof socks.
bachelor apartments and chorus girls
she has a revelation of human unself-
ishness that stands as the eighth won
der of the world.-Idaho Yarn.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

slows the enrolment this yearT7
''The worst ever saw" said the
athletic instructor. "Pm afraid this
college is going to pot"
'Indeed7"
"Why, / haven't enough material
on hand to make varsity eleven,
much less a respectable scrub team
for practice work.-Birmingham Age.
Herald.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Man cannot degrade woman without
himself falling into degradation; he
cannot elevate her without at the same
time elevatlng himself. = Alexander
walker,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

do you hear from your son at col.
lege7"
EARLY and often" said Mr.. Grab
coin grimly.
How is be progressIng?"
"Wen. if he were not under age I'd
say he was travelling rapidly toward
bankruptcy" - Birmingham Age-Her.
aid.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
SHAKE IhTn YOUR SHOES

And sprinkle in the fo0t-hath ALIENS
FOOT=EASE. the anttseptic healing pow
der for Painful. Swollen. Smarting Feet
II prevents biisters and sore spots and takes
the sting out OF corns and bunions. Always
use Aliens Foot Ease to break in new shoes
and enjoy the bliss OF feet without an
ache Adv
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

A coating of magnesla cement on
the timbers Of mines is stated to be
an economical and efficient assurance
against fire, especially In the arid re-
gions where the timber becomes high.
ly inilammable and is difficult to re
place.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

"Your new maid Is very pretty"
my husband doesn't think So"
''You mean he's wise enough to say
he doesn't think so."-Louisville Cour.
ier-Journal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Never.

1.-THE stage is not true to life" "oh,
come now" ibid you ever see a
housemaid like the ones in musical
comedy?"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Edith-You say his attentions to
you hive been marked.
Maud-Yes; he has never taken
the price tag off his presents.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

gets worse, you are
downright sick.
Don't wait until your
"run down" condition de-
velops into real illness.
Start today toning your
system with an Al blood
remedy to drive out the
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Defined.

The mother who raises children to
respect her doesn't get her theories
from hooks.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
run Down" People Easy Prey
To Serious Disease

impurities, a vegetable medicine
like S.S.S., which has served thou
sands thus in the last half CEN
fury.
Get S.S.S. from vour drugo,st
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

When you get "run down" it
merely means your system is dis
ordered,-working poorly. If the
disorder stays small, you may re-
main just run down." But if it
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Flying High.
''This civil service stuff about math-
eEiatics seems rather intricate"
''What is it,"
Examination for a government
chauffeur" Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
so WEAK
so NERVOUS
How Miserable This Woman Was
Until She Took Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound

Toomsboro, Cat suffered terribly
with baekache and headache all the time.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

Keep your eye on the man who
never makes mistakes.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
Mus. See 4 and Id one eetter.

what beautiful ring"
YES" said the girl. at was an en-
gagement ring, but the engagement ia
Aren't you going to send IT back7"
"Of course. But | want to keep II
long enough to let the next gentleman
see what he is expected to live up
to."-Boston Transcript.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

A business man always reads the
postscript or women's letters first.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

mon bonus tall or rart) Southern Hotel stk,
nalto. Nd. sss share Details on request
y. ). Polack, American nids.. Baita.. MA
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

right now. Then write
us about your condition,
addressing Chief Medi-
cal Advisor, s4S Swift
Laboratory, Atlantis,
G 9 orgia. Wen send
you m g deal counsel
free.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27
ASPIRIN
Name "Bayer" on Genuine

Warnlngi Unless you see the name
"Bayer" on package or on tablets you
are not getting genuine Aspirin pre-
scribed by physicians for twenty-one
years and proved safe by millions.
Take Aspirin only as told in the Bayer
package for Colds. Headache, Neural
gia, Rheumatism, Earache. Toothache,
Lumbago and for Pain. Handy tin
boxes Of twelve Bayer Tablets Of AS.
pirin cost few cents. Druggists also
sell larger packages. Aspirin is the
trade mark Of Bayer Manufacture Of
Monoaceticacldester Of Salicycacld.-
Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

The Law Of Compensation.
Ny son. beware the cares that Turk
In a dishonest furry.
A CRATER doesn't do much work.
But how he has to worry
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1921-05-27

The silent man inspires respect.
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-01-23

of gold. but what is gold Tor but to
mako a pathway for the children oil
God2 We do read Of gates OF pearl
walls Of precious stone, but what
arc pearls AND precious stones Tor
but to make beautiful the manE
mausioned city Of our God. Thdt
city means nearness to God; tciloW
shin. closet and sweetest with one
another. People there. an innIm-
erabic host. They shall come from
the east and from the west ana from
the north and from thc south ana
shall sit down with Abraham, ana
Isaac and Jacob. What home
coming indeed that VIII be ~
wherefore God j. not ashamed 10
hc called their God?" God of Ahra
ham. OF Isaac, Jacob. Why not
ashamed. because they are 50 per-
feet? 40. because ~ their ialth in
Him These old testament saints
didn't receive the promises, but they
embraced them afaU of. and iney
were persuaded We cannot see the
fulflling uf Gods promises to lIis
children, but by faith, we BEGAN the
botncWard tourney, by faith we
travel on, ike as a little child puts
his hand I'm the hand Of the father,
and bv devious and strange pans is
brought safely homo again, SO We
mt our hand in the Scared hand or
Jesus of Nazareth who VIII lead Us
on to the Journeys end. BY iaith
our loved ones. our fathers and
nothcrs and grand sircs have passed
nm the shining way And We, too,
travelling the same path Of trust,
shall como triumphantly to the
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-01-23

on q Journey n everything hero
were as We would have ii. We would
feel that this is the last stage ln the
journey OF life. Here VIC have SUI
forlngs, but the pilgrim can say
II reckon that the uuffcriugs Of this
present time are not worthy to be
compared TO tho glory which shali
be revealed In US Here we have
Affections, but the Christian can.
adopt the Triumphant words ~ the
a great apostle. our light Affections
which are but for a moment work
out for us far more exceeding and
eternal weight Of glory while we
took not at tho things which arc
seen but ~ tho things which arc
not seen. for the things which are
seen are Temporal but tho things
which are unseen are eternal II
Us this vision Of tho unseen. tho ctcr-
nal which lightcns the burden OF
1f'lictitu. patience Workcth on
pcrioncr, and experience hope
Third-thc realization Of our nil
grim path creates hopefulncss. The
glory we anticipate gllddcns the
path of tho present. We are travel
ing ON with "a song
Come we that love the Lord,
And let our JOYS abound.
Join in song with one accord
And thus surround tho throne.
We are marching to Zion Hioa
We are marching upward tp Zion.
The beautiful city OF Cod
The Christian pilgrim has eternal
youth on his brow However long
the journey here, maturity b. yon-
der This ls the spriugtimc OF life
ana the summorlaud lies outside The
shadows. Here are wayside fruits
of trust and hope and love. there are
the orchards ana vineyards OF the
Canaan Of tho soul.
Roll golden sun. roll swiftly toward
the west.
Dawn happy day when many woes
shall cease.
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-01-23

for this most peculiar and striking
oouHCiOusnoHs.
First. the soul IL not an inven-
ton but q gift of God. marvellous
is that statement ~ the story of
creation, "God formed man of Tho
dust ~ the ground and brcather
INTO his noatrilE tho breath Of NE,
ana man became a living soul % The
soul is not created but bestowed.
Hence the upturucd face Of the
race. the altar with tho ascending
incense. and prayer mounting from
tromulOus lips UP TO tho throne Of
God
The second reason Is The new birth
~ the soul which accentuatcs tho
prlmevnl consciousness, vitlllziuR
~ into an experience with dynami,
power. Born from above are king
dom souls says Jesus Why not
child ~ heavenly origin. get home
sick" WY not child of God long
10 look into the Fathers face" Sow
Wc SOC through q glass dlrkly,' but
we long for the day when the glass
shall bc thrown away and We shall
part but We ycaru for the revcia-
tIon which will enable us 20 know
even AZ We are known.
There are gracious blessings
which grow out OF this conception
OF life.
First. 10 ma kps us Wt lightly 70 the
world why should the tcudriIs OF
our hearts wine around tho things
~ Garth which so soon we must sur
render, "Set not your affections on
/ the things or EARTH lay not up for
/ yourselves treasures on earth bat
lay NJ for yourselves treasures IN
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-01-23

Come quickly LORD. thy people wait
tho rest
or thine abiding. abiding peace.
"No more to hunger here for love;
SO moro TO thirst for blessings
long dcried,
Judah. thy face is foul with weep
ing, but above
Thou shalt be satisfied
Fourth--the sense o' pilgrimage
creates sympathy and the spirit OF
hclpfulncss. Nowhere will YOU find
SO much kindness as on tho long
lran. Travelling from seattle TO New
York | discovered a highway OF
kindness and courtesy The Chris-
tian ls not a hermit, he loves com
radeship, he knows the harlships
~ the upward climb, and he wants
others to share his comforts Come
thou go with as and we will do thee
good" Is the desire that wells up IN
tho heart Of every traveller Home
ward Bound. Bear yo one anoth'
cr's burdens IS law that lovingly
is to be interpreted into word and
deed.
The home coming will not he n
dispppointmcnt. The pilgrimage
here will cease. the earthly Journey
draws near its end. God viii not
fail us. lie did not fan these who
confessed that they were pilgrimf
and strangers. For he hath pre-
pared for them city" That IL
what they were looking Tor. There
TX "a provision for every other long
ing Of the life: for sight there Is
something to see. for touch, th"cr Il
something tangible; for hearing
there is sound. All our faculties and
powers a. they 70 out I'm search foI
correspondence find an answer anc
q response. So with our longing fol
the homeland. there is a city II
which we shall dwell forevcrmore
I what does 1t mean? Not piles o
stone. We do read of streets ma