The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1921-03-24
S1AFt ER !,

engineer and kicker-up-of-dust on dis
tant Crails, tagged the S. p, l.. A. &
3. l.. Limited at blistered board sta
tioa in Death valley, California. he
had definitely resolved to do certain
Things. To begin, he would invade the
uihing car at the first call to dinner
ana order approximately twenty dol
lars worth of ham and eggs, which
provender is. as all who know will
certify, the pinnacle of epicurean de-
light to an old sOur-dough coming out
or the wilderness with healthy bank
roll and healthier appetite.
Following the ham and eggs, Mr.
WEBSTER planned to saturate himself
from soul to vermifOrm appendix with
nicotine, which he purposcd obtaining
from tobacco with nicotine in it. 1t
was week since he had smoked any
thing with an odor even remotely like
tobacco, for the August temperature In
Death valley Is no respecter of moist
ure in any man or his tobacco. Upon
arrival i'm Salt Lake City his spree
would really begin. Webster designed
chartering a taXicab and proceeding
forthwith to hotel where he would
engage sunny room with bath. fill
the batEtub, climb blithely in and soak
Tor two hours nt least. for il was near
ly eight months since he had had
regular bath and he purpoSed making
the most of his opportunity. His long
drawn ablutionS ut length over. he
would don n silken dressing gown and
slippers, order up barber and pro-
fn IL
wtiSkers to upfOlSter IN automobile,
and upon the completion Of his ton
serial adventures he would cncaSe his
person in suit of mauve-colored silk
pajamaS, climb into bed aud stay
there for forty eight hours merely wax
Ing long enough to take another bath,
order up periodical conSgnments Of
ham and eggs, and incidentally. make
certain that Il friendly side-windcr or
chuckwalla hadn't crawlcd under the
blanket with Kim.
So much for John Stuart WebSter's
plans. Now for the gentleman himself.
No one-not even the Pullman porter,
shrewd judge of mankind that he was
could have discerned i'm the chrySalis
that tagged the Limited the butterfly
of fashion that was to be. As the
ebony George raised the vcstibule plat
form, opened the car door and looked
out, he had no confidence in the lean,
sun-hakcd big man standing by the
train. Plainly the fellow was not Il
hrst-claSs passenger but wandering
prospector, for he was dog-drty, ruin
OF rags and hairy as Il tarantula. The
only clean thing about him was a
heavy-calibercd automatic pistol of the
army type, swinging at his hip.
"Day coach an tourist up i'm 'front.'"
tie knight of the whiskbroom an.
nounced in disappearing tones and
started to close down the platform.
80 | perceived" John Stuart Web
ster replied blandly. ~ also observed
that you failed to employ the title
Sir when addressing II white man.
Put that platform back and hop out
here with your little stool, you saddle
colored son of Senegamba, or I'll
make you hard porter to catch"
"Yassah. yassah!" !" the porter sput-
tered, and obeyed instantly. Mr.. Web
ster handed him disreputable-ooking
suitcase and stepped aboard in state,
only to be Informed that there wasn't
n vacant first-clasS berth on the train.
ayes, know Pm dirty" the late ar
rival announced cheerfully, but still,
as Bobby Burns once remarked. a
mans a man for a that--and I'm not
unsanitary."
I'm very sorry" the conductor re-
piled perfunctorily and e1deavored to
pass on, but Webster secured n firm
grip on his lapel and frustrated the es-
cape.
you're not sorry" the ragged wan
derer declared. mot one little bit.
You're only apprehcnsive. However.
you needn't be. There is no wild life
on me, brother, | assure you"
But tell you, tEe train Is full up.
You'll have to roost in the day coach
or the tourist. I'm very sorry"
Nevertheless, despite your deep grief
something tells me you're Spooiing. so
while must, Of necessity, accept your
suggestion, said acceptance will be but
temporary. In about two hours. young
fellow, you're going to make the alarm.
Ing discovery that you have bats In
your beifry." And with whlskery grin
which, under the circumstances, was
charming i'm its absolute freedom from
malice Mr.. Webster departed for the
day conCh
Two hours later the conductor found
him in the aforementioned day coach
engaged In Il mild game of poker with
n mnle-skinner Chinaman an aged
prOspCctor, and half-brcyd Indian
and waited until Mr.. Webster. on n
b0h-tailcd flush. bluflcd the Chnumnn
or Of dOllnr.anh-a.half pot
Are sou Mr. J0ha S. Wrnr"r?"
"iuur assumption that ! VI that
person is Sn eminently cOI.u.I hat II
Wnn'l - II waste Of time '.I me TO
Dispute it," Webster rcplIrh Gq2zical.
w "l'"WoNCr Inst to tfat
you're not the only clairvOyant on this
train, I'm going to tell you something
about yourself. In your pocket you
have telegram; II Is from Chicago,
where your pay-check originates: 1t is
short sweet and comprehensive. con-