The Washington herald., 1921-08-05

The other day a man whose mar
riage has degenerated into an en-
durance test for the sake OF his
CHILDREN said that he would rather
cut his tongue out than ask any
sort OF a favor from his wife.
That Is where you make . mis-
take" said a wise old woman friend
TO whom he had been telling his
troubles, you are throwing away
your one chance OF saving your mar
rage from lasting failure by your
false pride. Because your wife Is
seIf-centered, and selfish, and OF
her own volition shows you none
OF the appreciation or consideration
that are your due, you ask nothing
Of her.
Il understand and sympathize with
how you feel. You have taken what
YOU consider to be the only dig
nified attitude under the circum-
stances. But believe me, son, dig
nifty has no place in tho family
circle. That is the place where
the stoop-to-conquer stun does its
great and perfect work, and II Is
folIy for you to stand aside, and
grow morbid dwelling upon what
your wife should do. The thing
for you to do is to get busy and
make her do what she ought to do.
your wife is like a lot Of other
women. She has an undSeloped
matrimonial conscience. She has
never really considered her duty to
YOU nor what you have a right to
expect of her. And that is mostly
your fault because you have never
thrown any responsibility on her.
You have never demanded anything
of her. You have never made her
sacrifice anything for you. You
have never made her feel, even, that
she was absolutely necessary to you.
"Of course, you did all of this
from the highest and noblest Of mo-
tiyes. You wanted to be a good
husband and to save your wife from
every crumpled rose leaf under her
forty mattresses of ease, and IL
seemed to you that such tenderness,
and chivalry must win an answering
tenderness and consideration. II
rarely does, SON Unselfishness needs
selfishness. Gentleness seems to
foster brutality in others In all my
long life l have not known more
than one or two cases of an ideal
husband, or wife, who didn't have
a devil for a mate.
in matrimoay, as elsewhere, peo-
pie treat you as you demand to be
treated, and so If you stand aside
and give. and give to your wife, and
ask nothing of her, she will take
il all without thanks and without
even realizing what a pig she is
being.
The way to do this is to force her
10 I fair divide. Make her sacrifice
for you. Make her suffer for you.
Make her feel her responsibility for
your happiness. Make her feel that
she is necessary for you. That will
put you again on the map as a man,
and she will get interested in you
and fall in love with you anew. Fol
the more a woman does for a man
the more she loves him,
You know that 1t Is one Of the
elementary principles Of human
psychology that we hate the people
to whom we are under obligations,
but we love those on whom we bes-
tow fayors. The surest way to make
a person dependent on you, and the
quickest way to get fond of a per-
son is to begin to help him or her.
There is something in feeling
that We are playing Providence to
another that cOddles our vanity
glow when we think of him or her
More: the realization that some one
needs US appeals to US more than
anything else on earth.
If this is true Of US all, 1t IS
doubtly and trebly true of women.
II persists in even the lowest OF
the sex and as long as there is d
shred. of womanhood left in one
you can arouse this instructive de-
sire to help those who need her
and depend on her.
1T is this spirit that makes
women stick to brute husbands who
beat them, and mistreat them, and
. drag them down into the depths
of poverty. II you have ever tried
TO get such a woman to leave q
renegade husband yyou know that
nine time out Of ten, she will refuse
saying: But what would he dC
without me? He needs me- An(
that settles it. She would have tC
De dead in ner coffin before she
would be deaf to that cry for helI
from the helpless.
we often wonder why womel
who are married to good, strong
uDFlknN Tnens IlCn VINO Cdh VI
their own feet, turn cutters ant
renege their marriage vows NOR,
often than the women who havl
rotters and ne'er-do-wells, and phil
anderers and loafers for husbands
The reason is that the woman
knows that the strong man doesn'
really need her, and that the weak
ling does.
He dips into that inexhaustibl
fountain of maternal pity tha
makes a mother always love tn
black sheep among her children tn
best because he needs her most.
1T is universally conceded tina
no other men are as good and kim
to women as are American men
and that the American husband q
the paragon husband OF the world
yet for all of that America hold
the high divorce record.
Il often think that the reasol
for this is because American mel
ask too little of their wives. The,
rnonopolize the blessedness Of Civ
ing IN the family. They do all tn
sacrificing, they do all the suffer
ing, and because they deny thei
wives a share In the toll and swea
that goes into the making of sh
home. the woman never really feel
that she Is a vital part of It. He
life blood hasn't gone into build
ing IL up, so she Is careless abou
breaking II up as we are about tn
things that have not cost us much
NO man makes a greater mis-
take than when he tries to saw
his wife from every hardship. ]
Is on the battlefield that women
as well as men, find their souls. !