Evening star., 1921-04-10

%e
:=
a line of customers at the tellers'
windows waiting to cash checks on
the bank. The first one presented
was for a fourth class postmastership
isigned by Frank II. Hitchcock, and
the tellers declared that "he hasn't
had nickel in this bank since it
was reorganiZed last winter
| Another presented a check signed
by Senator Calder of New York. If
it isn't also signed by Senator Wads-
worth don't pay it," admonishcd the
head teller They have joint ac-
count here, but they don't seem able
to use it. When Calder sends a check
when Wadsworth sends one Calder
telephones to hold it up.
Its the same way with that New
Jersey joint account said the teller.
You couldn't get Edge and Freling-
huysen to sign the same check if 1t only
said Happy New Year
A third customer handed in check
for a postmastership. You Will have
to have it indorsed by Will Hays.
said the teller.
But he has broken his wrist and
Ican't use pen," the customer said.
Again? That's an old story. If he
wants to shake hands with 100000
postal employees he has grip like a
gorilla"
A check signed by Calvin Coolidge
was presented. That account is
closed was the verdict. The di-
rectors shut down on it after he had
seat at the foot of the table. This one
calls for doorkeeper in the Senate
gallery. but you are too late; Penrose
cashed that yesterday"
With an air of confidence a Gus
toner handed in a check signed by
Harry NJ Daugherty, the president
through when the teller's eye caught
the date-It was 1925.
This is a rain check on the next
administration. he asserted, and
turned it down.
wouldn't you think observed one
teller to the other, that the presi-
dent of the bank would be more care
iful?"
Careful. Why. that was one of the
most careful checks I ever saw
"PoIiticaI Astronomy"
| A political astronomer" entertained
the company with a dissertation on
the new stars that have appeared in
the political heavens. With the aid
of a large chart he answered the
questions of a curious member of the
club and explained the political firma :
ment.
You will note first" he said, that
There are two great consultations in
the political heavens. The members
OF the constellation on the right do
not revolve around the sun. They re-
volve around Taurus-the bull. Bull
is absolutely fascinating to most po-
litical stars"
istituent elements of these political
ISatelliteS of the builT
Gas and crust" 80
There is the new great sun in the
political heavens called Warren
iGamaliel. formerly the Marion star.
1T seems to shine steadily and
without wabbling.'' 49,
That is due to a peculiar property
lit possesses called normally"
What are these. large planets re-
ivolving around Warren Gamaliel?"
"Those are the cabinet planets"
FIXED stars. eh" -,
Not necessarily. Read Robert
iLansing's book on Failing Stars"
What is the planet with a large
bald spot and a reddish tinge like
tMars?'
That is the war planet. now
! known as Secretary Of War Weeks"
"Is this a new planet?"
Yes; it arrived four years too late
What is this flashing planet?'
That is the Hughes comet"
But this Hughes comet has no
taI?"
1T collided with the California
meteor. Hiram Johnstensis. in 1916
and lost its tail"
What are the characteristic ele-
ments of this Hughes comet?"
Courage. sanity, common sense and
intellectual honesty"
please tell me what are these two
great groups of little points over
here? They seem to be numerous"
Those are the goats and the poor
fishes; better known as the people of
the United States"
What is this star just rising?"
That is Venus. the suffrage planet"
| They All Fall for Venus.
Does Venus exercise any attraction
on the other planets?"
Attraction? Oh. boy. Why there
Iisn't a straight orbit In the political
iskies They are all jumping side
1ways'
"Are these stars in the bull con-
lstellation permanent
mo. they disintegrate under what is
called the canning process"
us there a political hell?"
"Yes, a place Of permanent silence;
lno newspapers, no press agents, no
Congressional Record and no pay
sroll."
President serenaded.
The Gridiron quartette sang song to
President Harding. to the air Of ''Whis-
pering." 1t ran thus:
'fAIister Harding. we have something
to tell you.
:. And it's worth while listening to.
It's little man-to-man talk.
We say 1t sincerely to you:
CHORUS.
We like the way you've started
working,
We like your manner and your style;
j No task seems big enough to fright
you,
We know it's true. you're a man,
through and through:
You're solving great problems of the
nation,
Problems Of vital application,
But without fear or trepidation:
| And America stands back Of you"
Cabinet Members Admonished.
/ At a stage in the proceedings the
members Of the cabinet were requested
to rise In their places and remain
} standing for a few minutes AS their
names were called and they arose. the
guests applauded them vigorously. Then
Col. Henry Hall. one Of the senior
in witty and entertaining way upon the
duties and conduct Of their Office. He
began with Secretary Hughes, and
solemnly entreated him not to 'slap
the newspaper men on the back and
say Hello, old 'top!' as Elihu Root
used to do. when he was Secretary OF
state" And so he went down the line
IL