davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
RIPPING RHYMES
By Walt Mason.
HAPPINESS

GhE
I had a little shanty, and I was
happy there. with wife and niece
and auntie. and grandma In her
chair. l did not W a shilling upon
that small abode. no creditors came
drilling to dun me, up the road.
And / was always saving against the
day of rain, and all the time behav-
ing like some one safe and sane.
My aunt. whose name was Alice,
was dippy as could be: she said a
costly palace VA nom too good for
me. And grandma, in her sweater,
backed aunt, and said. Tut. tut!
You should have something better
why live in this punk hut?" My
niece Endorsed their kicking. and
nagged all day and back. for she
was tired of sticking in such a taw-
dry shack. With women thus m
battled. what can a poor mar do?
At last they got me ratified, and all
my coin 1 drew; / mortgaged and l
borrowed and built a costly home.
and ever since I've sorrowed, and
care has creased my dome. I owe
the village plumber who piled his
art with skill: and at my house each
is some ms with a bill. /
owe the gifted painter, whose Ian
guage freely flows and smolder and
quainter that language daily grows.
L owe the paperhanger. the joiner
for his beams. and l a hear their
ciangor at midnight. in my dreams.
They all are rude and ranty. and 1
dissolve in tears when thinking of
the shsnty that knew my younger
years.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
PARALLELS OF
SAFED THE SAGE

come across, and that is we'll. Now
then, let us pay each of us five
shekels more and make up h share
of John Perry, and we will tell no
man.
And they had a great banquet
that they might make merry over
the burning of the mortgage. and
they set John Perry on high; and
he smiled and was happy. And
they called on him for a speech.
And John Perry said. 1t Is moi
my doings. but it is of the Lord; and
/ am humbly thankful. And now,
behold. the church needeth a new
furnace, and the walls need to be
redecorated, and the minister should
have a larger salary. Let us raise
four thousand shekels more. and ]
will start 1t with the same sum thar
l gave before.
And the nineteen men whispered
one to another, and said, Art thou
game? And they answered, We are
no cutters. We stay in the game
and play it like little men.
And behold. they raised four
thousand shekels more.
And that church took on new litc
and was happy and prosperous from
that day forward.
And the nineteen men and the
minister bound themselves with a
great oath that they would never
tell this little joke.
But this is a true story; and 1t
showeth how it sometimes cometb
to pass that very humble instru-
ments are chosen for the beginning
of great tasks. And I would there
were many churches and some other
institutions with men as unworldiy
and as generous as John Perry.
WILLIAM E. BARTON.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Remarkable Remarks

"I am positive there is nothing
whatever in England to justify even
an inference that anything can cause
war between the United States and
Great Britain Sir Philip Gibbs.
1.-The alcoholic ward of Bellevue
Hospital has become a raving and
bowling asylum."-Dr. John w.
Brennan, president of the hospital
board of trustees.
prohibition has come to stay.
Sporadic efforts to revive the old or
der will meet with no success, and l
I'M glad of it."-Gov. B. w. Olcott,
of Oregon.
st think that perhaps women are a
little less easy to fool than mem
Alice Duer Miller.
Housing conditions threaten the
home today. The time may come
when the state will have to take over
the housing problem and administer
it as a public utility."-Rev. Charles
N. Lathrop.
"The man who seeks to justify
l~awbreaking by calling all laws he
doesn't like blue is disloyal to true
civic liberty."-Rev. Wilbur f.
Crafts, superintendent International
Reform Bureau.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
going to escape the taxpayers.
ARE You Ar FAULT?

Thousands OF human being are killed. or
MANNED. by automobiles every year. The num-
Der by accidents constantly grows. due to two
reasons: the increase in population. and the in
crease in use of the automobile. But the num-
her need not increase. IL there is a decrease IN
carelessness.
Most pedestrians will jump at the conclusion
that the carelessness referred to is that on the
part of the driver. However,
Police Commissioner Enrisht Of New York
saws that his records show that rs per cent. of
the accidents are the fault of pedes-
TRANS, failing to cross at corners. running past
the traffic officer. jay-walking, running ahead Oh
approaching automobiles.
II the pedestrian is IS per cent. responsible
and the driver but 20 per cent. responsible for
the death toll. who, pray you. should do more
10 make his own life safer in the street?
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Has Abraham Lincoln any liz

O. Has Abraham Lincoln any Nv
ing grandchildren Pc. NJ. b.
A. Abraham Lincoln's son, Rob
ert Todd Lincoln. has daughter
Mrs. Frank Edward johnson. she
has two children by a former mar
rage to a Mr.. Beckwith.
O. l would like to know II the
hill on which Christ was crucined
can be identified.-G. M. N.
A. A hill which is supposed 10 De
that on which the Saviour died and
which is called Calvary Is outside
the Damascus Gate on the north side
Of the City of Jerusalem.
O. How is the length of the stan
dard metre determined?-F. j.. +.
A. The standard meter is deter
mined by the distance between TWO
lines on a certain platinum bar Kept
in Paris, when this bar Is at 0 degrees
centrifugal or 80 degrees fahrenheit:
Copies of this Paris meter are kept
elsewhere, and its value in wave
lengths of light is also known with
very great exactness. The metric
system originated in France at the
close of the 18th century. Its use is
now required by law in h major
ity of nations and permitted in most
of the others.
@. Had the Russian government
been overthrow Or was the Car
ruling when we entered the war?
A. Nicholas II. Car of Russia,
abdicated on March 15. 1917. n
the United States declared war on
April 6. 1917.
O. How far will a high-grade gun
shoot, such as those used against
aircraft. and how many machines
were brought down by them?-J.
A. The Air Service OF the War
Department says that 1t Is claimed
that anti-aircraft guns will shoot
to $4,000 or 10000 feet. There are
no figures existing as to the numbe
OF planes shot down by anti-aircraft
Are. but the number Is claimed to
be very small indeed-less than one
per cent of those shot at.
O. Where can the quotation
more things are wrought by pray
err than this world dreams Of be
found?-L. II. N.
A. This is a line from Tennyson's
"Morte d. Arthur"
@. Who is known as the Paper
King ?-D. H.
A. John Law, a Scotch financier
and promoter of commercial
schemes was known by this title. He
was born in Edinburgh. in 1911. and
died in Venice in 1929. His best
known enterprise was the "Missis-
sippi Scheme" or System" For a
while the System" prospered and
Law was in great power, but an over
issue of paper money brought a ca
tastrophe and a collapse of the sys-
tenn.
@. Where is the oldest stained
glass window that bears the name
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

There was a certain church and
it had a debt of four thousand
shekels. And the minister spake
unto his congregation upon a sun
day when he had a full house. and
Brethren, this debt is a burden.
II might be paid IL twenty men
would give each of them an hun
dred shekels and other twenty nifty
shekels and the rest every man ac-
cording to his several ability.
Then up rose John Perry, and
said, I will be n of twenty men
to give an hundred shekels.
Now every one knew John Perry
that he was a poor man, and OF no
great ability, but of good and honest
heart. And they were deeply moved
by his generosity. And nineteen
other man came across with an
hundred shekels each, and other
twenty at fifty shekels per. and the
rest each according to his ability or
what he pretended was his ability
and within a week the money was
all pledged, to be paid spot cash on
the next Sabbath day.
And on that day John Perry call
ed at the parsonage and handed the
minister his contribution. And after
he had gone, the minister looked
and behold, it was five shekels.
And the minister called unto him
the nineteen men, and he said. our
dear friend John Perry hath mis-
understood. When he promised to
be one of twenty to give an hundred
he meant to give the twentieth part
of an hundred.
And the nineteen men roared with
laughter. And they said. Tell it not
in gath. Behold. it inspired us to
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

and picture of the d~onor?-I. NJ. G.
A. The most ancient stained
glass window that bears the name
and portrait of the donor is in the
Church of the Abbey of st. Dennis,
near Paris, installed in the 18th GEN.
fury. by Suger.
@. Is the star in the western sky
after sunset the Edison star. and Is
it artificial?-A. w.
A. The Naval Observatory says
there is no star known as the "Edi-
son STAR nor is there any artificial
star which may be placed in the hea-
vens. A story seems TO be %circulat-
ed TO the effect that the evening star.
Venus, which is particularly bright
at the present time, is an artificial
star. This, of course, is not true.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

Nature seems to arrange matters so that an
economical wife gets an extravagant husband.
and vice versa.
A woman generally gains her point-unless
she happens to be trying to sharpen a pencil.
We do not know much. But we do know that
it isn't the worrying they do for other people
that makes people pine away.
Some men believe that Honesty Is the Best
Policy-after everything else fails.
When they are engaged she VIII call Him
the Light of her Life And when they are mar
ried he will keep Lit Up a good deal OF the time.
The trouble with a lot of Musicians Is that
they overdo it trying to look the part.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau, Frederic J. Haskin. Direc
tor. Washington, d. c. This offer
bureau cannot give advice on legal,
medical and financial troubles. II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on any subject Write
you. question plainly and orietly.
Give full name and address and en-
close two cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direet
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

An awful hick is Billy Blaws,
He is the worst in this whole nation;
He's fond of "ath-a-letics," cause
They bring about free "pers-peration."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McIukt.
Copyright, 1920, by The Cincinnati Enquirer.


They took him to the Bug House. and
He'll stay in there, we understand. =
His case was cinched, he had to go.
He claimed his gas bill was too low
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
HORKAY q RESKO
NOTARY PUBLIC

NOTAhf fUbLIC
Foreign Exchange and Steamship Ticket
Agents
Branch Agency American Express Co.
Domestic and Foreign Money Orders Sold
To AL Parts of the World
228 SMITH. PHONE 1887
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Fact.

Your poverty is not your fault,
On this fact you would like to bet;
And yet, you never try to halt,
When you are running into debt.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Bang!

We bury Oswald Binks today,
Don't offer prayer!
He stood up on the seat OF a
Revolving chair.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Poor Old Paw.
Willie-Paw g.?

Mlllle-EaW
Paw-Yes, my son. what is it?
WilIie-When Congress passes a law, does
the law become a thing of the past?
Paw-You get to bed young man. You are
getting too blame smart.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
So Will Wei

'sThe first shall be last, and the last shall be
first" quoted the Clergyman.
Maybe" commended the Rounder. But I'll
bet va Connie Mack's team don't win the Ameri-
can League pennant."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

THAT fellow Smith is a real pessimist. isn't
he? ?" said Brown.
yes" agreed Jones. He is already worry
ing about how hot it is going to be next sum-
mer."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
MUS.

why is 1t that men of genius never know the
value of money!" asked the Old Fogy.
WELL replied the Crouch, they see so little
of IL that they never have a chance to form any
definite opinion on the subject"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Our Joe Miller Contest.

A Boston reader claims that the oldest joke is
the one about the Englishman who TOOK dinner
with a Chinese merchant in Canton. The China
man could speak no Chinese. One of the disnes
ma could speak no Chinese. One of the dishes
was a delicious stew made out of mushrooms,
onions and a dark, tender, well-flavored piece
of meat that tasted like duck. The Englishman
ate heartily of this stew and then closed ms
eyes and rubbed his stomach with an air OF &c
stacy. After this pantomimic tribute to he dish
the Englshman said. interrogatively as he point
c. to the dish:
'Quack, quack?"
The Chinaman shook his head negatively.
mo" he said. "Bow-wow!'
Is That So!
Dear Luke: When Miss Hall married Mr..
Mailman she didn't change her name. she
merely gained a "man"-Charlotte, N. c.
Didn't Work.
And what has become of the old-fashioned
man who used Hair Oil?-Luke McLuke.
He's wearing a toupe now, that's on straignt
ally he forgets it and goes out without it.-War
rem (Ohio) Tribune,
Aw, Cheer Up!
Black & White, the Tocane, N. C., lumber
dealers, are blue over the present lumber market.
Signs Is Signs.
Sign on a fence in Newcastle, Ind:
For Sale
Horse and Buggy
BY a Lady With Rubber Tires.
Giddap!
Ruby B. Quick lives in Statesville, North
Carolina.
Hooray!
And. no matter how dark the outlook may be.
you can always C. A. Friend in DeQueen, Ark.
Our Daily Special.
The Crab Who Is Always Looking For the
Worst OF 1t Always Finds 1t.
rt. -o-z
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

1t seems the Japs do not want Koreans tc
have as much as the core of Korea.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

That fellow always wants to fight.
He's a pugnacious dub. l fear;
He scraps all day, and then at night
He gets in bed and pounds his ear.
LUX McLuke.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
GOSH

We hate to keep anyone out OF the club. but
whaddy we gonna. do with Burns Mothershead,
of Kennedy Heights, Cincinnati.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

Now we shall see If the White House is to be
in the senate; or the senate in the White House.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Our Daily special,

And, no matter how dark the outlook may b
you can always c.. A. Friend in DeQueen, Ark
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

The Crab Who Is Always LOOKING For IN
Worst OF 1t Always Finds 1t.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12
Giddan
Hnnrayf

Ruby B. Quick lives in Statesville, Mort
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

He surely is a star at scraps,
He seems to have been born that way;
And that's the reason why. perhaps,
That every night he hits the hay.
Newark Advocate.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-12

Sign on a fence in Newcastle, n
For Sale
Horse and Buggy
BY a Lady With Rubber Tires.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
NORFOLK

At the close on Saturday of the tennis tournament for the Bridgman cup prizes were awarded the various winners. Frank Anderson of New York, winner of the cup honors for this year, received a pair of gold cuff links. Herbert Bowman of New York, runner-up, received silver backed military brushes. Walter M. Hall and Vanderbilt Ward, win ners in doubles, received leather travelling clocks. Robert Swain and A. Ware Merriam, runners-up in doubles, received black leather belts with silver buckles. In mixed doubles Miss Mary Case won a silver candle stick and Vanderbilt Ward a silver pen knife, while Miss Gertrude Hop per won a pink suede picture frame and Benjamin Letson a blue leather calendar case, as mixed double run ners-up.
 The talk of the town since the baseball game played by the Ameri- can Legion team against the Canaan nine in Canaan Saturday afternoon is the good work of the local players, who are winning honors on all sides. The score of the most excit- ing game played thus far this season was to in favor of the Norfolk players.
 MT. and Mrs. Carl Stoeckel sailed July 80 from New York for France.
 Rev. Edward F. Greene, president of Country Life Academy, Star, N C., who was a guest last week al Crissey place, left here Friday to re- sume his work at the school, which is working for the advancement of
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
AMERICAN LEGION NOTES

raid of a German patrol. The hero's body was brought to the United States recently and the reburial took place last week under the auspices of the Evansville post of the Ameri- can Legion.
 r Ben L. Cumbus, postmaster of Hahira, Ga., a member of the Ameri- can Legion, who was shell shocked while serving overseas, was found sleeping on a bench in Pershing Square, Los Angeles, recently. When awakened, he couldn't explain how he got there. He said the last thing he remembered was applying for a vacation from his work. Physicians said Cumbus apparently suffered from amnesia due to shell shock.
 General Baron Jacques of Bel gium, who has accepted the invita- tion of the American Legion to come to this country for it's third annual convention at Kansas City October 31 to November 2, was commander Ah-CLA1S1 u IlS DS1S1d1 1OLCcS uu11uS great part of the world war and at different times was in direct com mand of American Forces serving with the Belgians.
 Col. c. A. Pennington, assistant director of the Bureau of War Risk Insurance in charge of the insurance division, has been appointed to act as Jason officer between the American Legion and the Bureau. Colonel Pennington is a member of Spokane post of the Legion.
 
 AS a result of representations made to the United States Civil Ser vice Commission by the National Legislative Committee of the Ameri- can Legion, disabled veterans of the world war, who have undergone training by the Federal Board for Vocational Education, will be al lowed to enter examination for any government position for which they have been trained if application is made within sixty days after com pletion of training.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11

This instrument received the only award in England and in Spain pro ducing results without surgery, in- jections, medical treatment or pres criptions. MT. Seeley has documents from the United States Governments, Washington, D. C., for inspection. All charity cases without charge, or if any interested call, he will be glad to show same without charge or fit them if desired. Business demands prevent stopping at any other place in this section.
 P. S.---Every statement in this notice has been verified before the Federal and State Courts.---F. H Seeley.
 Home Office, IF North Dearborn St., Chicago.---adv.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11

With the banner of the national commander of the American Legion f1uttering at her masthead above the flags of all nations, the liner George Washington sailed from Hoboken Wednesday bearing party of 25O members of the Legion who will re- visit the old battle scenes of France as guests of the French government. The party will land at Cherbourg and will spend three weeks in France, returning to the United States about September 15. The pilgrimage is headed by Jchn G. Emery, national commander If the Legion and among the delegates representing every state department of the veterans organization a1e Henry D. Lindsley, of Texas, and Franklin D'Olier, of Philadelphia, past national commanders.
 The state federation of labor in Oklahoma has invited the American Legion to send representative to it's next convention. Courtland M. Fa- quay, national executive committee man from Oklahoma, will represent the Legion. "The organizations are working to advance the same funda- mental principles and the cement ing of the Friendship will add strength to both," said Edgar Fenton, head of the state labor organization. ***%
 When Mrs. Ida Crouch Hazlett, a socialist speaker was threatened with violence recently at Des Moines, Ia., a party of American Legion men es- corted her to the police station for protection. The police department commended the Legionnaires for their chivalry.
 James c. Russell, a member of the Blackhawk post of the American Legion in Chicago, has. sent post cards to United States Senators and Congressmen. The cards bear a photographic reproduction showing Russell a few minutes after he had suffered two gun-shot wounds while fighting in the trenches.
 ****
 After reviewing parade in Cleveland, O., recently in which the United States flag was carried, John c. Emery, national commander of the American Legion, made a state ment in which he scored "the two percent Americans" who fail to remove their hats when the colors are passing.
 Following a speaking tour of the west and northwest, Lemuel Bolles, national adjutant of the American Legion, declared that everywhere in the territory which he had visited he found the Legion had highest place in community progress. He said political entanglements had been avoided, in all the states he had toured, without losing effectiveness in the promotion of true American ism.
 The citizens of Evansville, Ind, have built home and presented it to the mother of James B. Gresham, one of the first three Americans to die in the world war. Gresham was killed November 3, 1917 during the
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
RUPTURE EXPERT HERE
Seeley, Famous in This Speciality
 Called to Waterbury

F. H. Seeley of Chicago and Phila- delphia, the noted truss expert, will personally be at the Elton Hotel and will remain in Waterbury Tuesday, Aug. 16 only. MT. Seeley says: "The
 Spermatic Shield will not only re- tain any case of rupture perfectly, but contracts the opening in 10 days on the average case. Being a vast advancement over all former meth ods---exemplifying instantaneous eff fleets immediately appreciable and withstanding any strain or position.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
the mountain whites in the South.

the mountam WhlteS m Lhe south.
 A porch party Saturday afternoon at the home of Miss Ecla Snow for the benefit of the mite box of the Whatsoever Circle was & great sue cess. Misses Ethel, Edna and Avis Sylvernale and Miss Snow were
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
hostesses.

hostesses.
 MT. and Mrs. Howard W. Carter left here Saturday for their home in Pasadena, Cal. Miss Annie Rufin, their housekeeper, will close Bonnie Brae in few weeks and also go 10 California for the winter.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
Preserve Scottish Phrases.

The Scotch origin of many north of Ireland families is shown by the com mon words in use. Both speak of a burn, but in both Scotland and Ulster the phrase wee stream is much more likely to be heard.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
That's Riuht.

A measure which aims to teach the children. how to play appears to be not without merit when the schools are being urged to do so much that probably does not add to the joy of youthful life.-Boston Transcript.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
Positive Sources

The positive force of writing or of speech must come from positive sources-ardOr, energy, depth of feel ing or of thought.-Higginson
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
What Relation Is Rureau2

'The whole Crat familX," postcards Ted, consists of Auto, Aristo, Pluto and DemO-the last being the most truly American and the best mixer."- Boston Transcript.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
Scent of Vanilla.

The umburana of Brazil is a soft yellow wood so delightfully."- scented with vanilla that one is tempted to eat it. says the American Forestry Magazine.
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
christianity's Achievements.

With Christianity came a new civil iZatiOn, and new order of ideas. Tastes were cultivated, manners re fined, views broadened and nature Spiritualized.-AZar
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11

Spiders Wee Stronger Than Steel.
 Scientists assert the thin thread in a spiders web is 50 per cant stxoness thani a steel wire of the sans aina Sowl& b@ maAM
Connecticut western news., 1921-08-11
No Question at All.

According to Doctor Waller, "the emotive response" is found in the palm of the hand and the sole of the foot Everyone who has had experience of railway porters or potential father-in- laws will readily agree.-Passing Show, London.