Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1921-07-13
The Gentle CRATER.


the altitudinous price of rent have
one good thing about them, anyway.
They furnish an alibi that we can
hand out to our relatives and friends
and the people we used to know back
home, who have the pleasing habit
of grating their annual visits to the
city on us.
"For years I have been the victim
of these hold-up artists, and I've
played in no worse luck than every
body else l know; for the minute you
acquire a place in city where you
can furnish free board and lodging,
everybody that you ever knew who
lives out of town conceives pas
sionate affection for you.
"Your own forty-ninth cousin, and
your husbands cousins in the seven
ty-second degree; girls that you went
to school with when you were in the
kindergarten and haven't seen since;
folks who have no claim on you exc
cept that you used to live in the same
a longing to see you that they can no
a loging to see you that they can no
longer resist, and they write and tell
you so, and that they are coming on
the 5:45 a. m. train on Wednesday,
and wont you please meet them at
the station because city is SO con-
fusing to one who is not used to it.
"Why, if I were to recite what /
have suffered at the hands of the
bandits, it would sound like chapter
out of Fox's Book of Martyrs
When Jim and I were married and
he brought me to the city to live, we
went to housekeeping in little four
room apartment. Before we got set
tied and our bridal presents unpack-
ed distant relative whom ] hadn't
seen since I wore pig tails, descend
ed upon US, bag and baggage. She said
she was passing through the city and
felt she just couldn't go by without
taking a peek at dear little Elsie in
her new home. 1t took her two weeks
to peek, and she hadn't been gone
a day when another flock of these
birds of prey, this time Jim's bunch
of vultures, came to roost on our
sofa bed, and from then on we have
hardly had day that we have been
free from some self-invited guest.
"Boys hunting for job arrive
with letters from the parents, whom
we have the accursed luck to know
at some previous state of our lives,
saying that they know we will be so
glad to take darling jim in until he
finds something to do; or the mother
of some girls to whom we have the
misfortune to be kin in some faint
degree, drops us missive informing
us that she is sending Mamie and
Sadie by the next train for a little
visit to the city as she has been prom
ising the dear children treat for a
long time, and would we mind letting
them stay with US for month, they
are such lambs, and it's so nice to
have young people about the house.
COR we get a screed from some
poor old soul who has been advised
to consult city specialist about her
cancer, and she wants to come and
stay with US and have US trot around
with her to the hospital. Or somebody
from Sqeedunk, or Rabbits Track,
has been told by her doctor that she
needs a change, and she thinks moth
ing would be so delightful as to come
to the city, only she hasn't the money
to stay at hotel, but if it would be
convenient for US to have her, she
could come easily on Monday week.
"Of course, anyone who has the
nerve to hold you up for her board
bill isn't going to be satisfied with
petty larceny like that. She goes the
whole hog, and you not only have to
feed and lodge her, but you have to
pay for her theatre and opera tickets
and her street car fare. So far as
my observation goes, self-invited
guest has Yale lock on her pocket
book, and you would have to chloro-
form her before you could get nick
ell out of her.
"It is no secret to the people who
come and camp on us that Jim and |
are poor couple struggling to get a
start in the world, and that every dol
lar counts with us. Also they per-
ceive that I do my housework, and
that by homing in on us they add I'M
measurably to my labor and the ex-