The Nome nugget., 1921-04-30
WELL, YOU
 KNOW ME
tBy Ring Iardner) Mr. W. C. Harling.

] Dear Sir
 It looks like my name was amidst the also rans in the race for cabinet positions and wile I am disappointed II still and all I realize they was only 10 jobs to give out and :l couple 100 un- employed hollcrinS for them and you figured I wasn't the kind that worlt! yelp if you turned Ins down and can make a hveing some other way sn don't blame you for what has cana of
 Of the men who you are gang to appt. l have heard of , or 1 of them
 and I suppose you have too and know you I would get the govt. printing of ! fee to print up ;t few dozen rcsiSnd- ton blanks with the reason and re- quest and etc. all filled in SO as if
 they's any of the cabinet that cant write they won't feel embarrassed when it c,smes tune to hand them one.
 and just leave dotted line for them
 to put their signature or mark. Now Mir Harding. vile sLS say |
 you done md 1 understand why you
 couldn't do no different. yet 1t seem. l to me like your administration is libel to be another force unlest they at least one master mind connected
 with it and though they's no place tleft open in the cabinet still you have mt bound yourself in writeins in re- cards to the position of s"cy. to the ipresident and if you come at me in the rish, way-weu need l sslw more?
 I have he.1rri reports that this job laid
 hetween your present sery. Mr Chris
 tipn and Richard Washburn Child and
 vile I don't know nothing vs. these
 gents st.ll and all don't believe it's
 T job for g. Child or a Christian neithar
 one. T. wouldn't be. the way would fill it.
 | Now Mr. Harding let m@ tell you something in regards to ideas about this iob and what I would make out of it. in the past the t'r>ssidentS secy. has just bt,en suppose tn att Hike q buffet betNsan the President and the pests. Well, MT HnrdinE. I am
 a past master in acting like buffet bait tt,at wouldn't only tLl>e 4 small portion of my time and 1 would spend
 mns- of MY time unlNeing your job
 sucl, T cinch that all as you would need I to Ire scared off woufh be sct'nS
 arrested for vaesrancy-
 ] In the first place. Of course would tend to your correspondents and keep your pants pressed and answer the
 phope. But be.s;dss t,Lat would write all your speeches and messages land { would stfrk words in them that lprasideu,t Wilson never heard or ana Ey would also make up some funny things for you to say one a wk' when
 y,nl receive the newspaper men 20 as they could say in u,ei,. stories: | 'Srhe PHesidant was in a joking mood today and. then go ahead and spring q little evidents to prove 1t. DureinE other administrations the
 newspaper boys has often said thai laocut the President bein. in joke
 ing mood. but they eithe. expected tine } ca .ers to take ttec word ''r it or els, they accused hir, of gags that st rnded ik they was "rnjc for the s-;1iror cid'. Inner.
 The kind fix up for you would be
 extemporanous, like the inst. suppose one of the correspondents said: "Well MT President, what about the Armenian mandate?"
 , Your reply would be, q never madf no date with no Armenian man.
 Or suppose they asst you what vol
 thought about Ireland. you would say q guess it's all riot.
 Or. if one of them says. "Haw d, . you feel about disarmament" . You would answer laughingly. "Yo'
 will half to tell me witch arm vol
 meant as I have forgot.
 That is a few samples of the gag
 would frame up for you and in
 little wile the papers would print tn
 Wash hington news on the comical pag where people would see it.
 Now Mr. Harding. l been readinl V in Mir. Bernstorff's book about hi V three yrs. in Amreica and he says il r it that none of the govt. officials |, V Washington vile he was here cou1' v speak any foreign language. which wa V propably because they was too bur! v learning English, but any way h' v thinks that ambassadors from Europ' Y could make up understand their af :. Fo ivu bottor if fhov COIl16 tell iIy abOli