The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-08-11
BALLAD OF BUMPS,

BALLAD OF BUMPS.
Time was when | would gaily smite
My bloomin' Tyre and sing in praise,
At any hour of day night
OF country ROADS: their winding ways
Were balm to my enraptured gaze.
Their charms / loved to contemplate
Meath cleaning sun moons soft rays
I NOW I'm paved roads advocate.
Those roads that once were my delight
Now I'LL me with hurt amaze;
To fivver DER them turns me white,
My sunny temper sadly trays.
They leave me in mental daze,
Ny eyes grow crossed, that once were straight
And both take on horrid glaze
Now I'm a paved roads advocate.
Upon my soul they cast a blight
And ev'ry bump and bounce conveys
To me the fact OF my sad plight
New trails l do not care to blaze
! l know the pastime never pays;
The jars and shocks upon my pate
Have cured me of the dirt roads craze
Now I'm paved roads advocate.
LENvoI
! All, Prince despite the painful haze.
| That clouds my brain, hear me crate:
Though once l had the dirt roads craze
| NOW I'm paved roads advocate!
| IN telling a waiting world about our frac
tured fin the Editor & Publisher took foul
| chances and made four errors. First, it called
us column conductor instead of a "colyun
| conductor; second, it said we were playing
volleyball instead of baseball; third, that we
Temporarily set the bone" when, as a matter
of fact, the doctor assured US it was perfect
| job; fourth, that we were removed to our home
and physician called. We called on the ply
| stefan and weren't removed to our home;
we went back to the picnic. Still, the E & P
cannot be blamed. 1t got the misinformation
from our revered parent sheet.
1t Seems Reasonably Certain That Clementine
Is Fifteen Years Old.
[From The August
Fifteen year-old Clementine Headee,
daughter of Mrs. Minnie HeadIee of 122
LeClaire street, is the youngest bride of
the year in Davenport records, being
only Is years of age.
FROM time to time we shall award prize
to various journals for Oddities in photography.
Today's prize-an 1898 edition of Whites Spell
ing Book-goes to the Decatur Herald for an
editorial page headline in which "sarcasum"
appears.
HERE ARE THE FIRST REAL GOLF BUGS"
From the Quincy Whig-Journal, whose col
yumist omitted a headline
Slr:-Exam1nlng my winter furs, well dosed
with moth balls it reused my wrath to find
that the moths didn't know about the moth
balls. l counted IS holes. MRS. A. D. S.
Excellent condition. Make cash offer or
will trade for light touring car. Eighth
street. Kitchen cupboard.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
and-gosh! look what she found.
In Which Ye @Sharp Itinerant Hobo Stingeth
Ye Gopher Prairie Citizens.
bushnell Corr Galesburg Republican
Register.l
Do not be misled if you have any
rooms to let or private board to dispense,
for times are little shady just now
and the sharp itinerant hobo who dresses
well and has very smooth oily tongue
is on the road and onto his job. Only
this week one of these shrewd and agree
able gentlemen, noticed rooms for rent
made application for same, and put up
the plausible plea that he was travel
ing by auto and had his car disabled,
and the same in the garage, being
overlooked and repaired. The next eve
ming he went back and made the excuse
that the repairs were much greater than
was thought, and that it would take
some time to make the repairs The
next things a woman who is visiting at
the same home laid her pocketbook
down, and when she returned the pock-
etbook was there but minus the money
and said roomer had vamoosed, and the
gentleman of the home visited the ga
RACES and found out that no one had
any car at their places of business an
swering the description of that of this
smooth hobo
BEN TURPIN congratulates himself he
cause he has stayed married to the same wife
or almost sixteen years. But it seems TO MS
Mrs. Turpin is the one to be congratulated We
iont, of course, expect Ben to see things as
We do. : /
FUTILITY.