davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
THE HALF-WIT CRIMINAL,

Atrocious crimes. committed by detectives
have started agitation in various states for bet
ter control of the weak-minded.
One in every 800 Americans is a defective, ac-
cording to DIR. Martin Barr, chief physician of
the Pennsylvania Training School of Feeble
Minded Children. DR.. Barr estimates that there
are $50, 900 detectives in the United States. Only
u, 900 are confined in state institutions. About
1000 more are cared for in private asylums.
That leaves 1928, 900 mental and moral detectives
at large.
A good many of them are harmless.
But many are potential or actual criminals.
Police Commissioner Woods Of New York has
specialized on the subject. He says that thirty
Ave out of every 100 criminals are out-and-out
detectives.
Sixteen states do absolutely nothing to care
for their detectives. No state handles the sub
ject efficiently. In the average community it is
nobody's business to keep an eye on detectives.
They are allowed to run at large until picked
up on a criminal charge.
New Yprk City leads in the attempt to pro-
vide PROF sr care for detectives. 1t has a special
hosbital on Randalrs Island, which looks after
detectives culled from local schools. Only a few
YEARS ago. New York's detectives went to the
yoSuLdT BCHoOiS Liz Hiin6iSu "Ath Wv
/children, exerting an unwholesome influence.
What's to be done with them?
Police Commissioner Woods Of New York
says: THE beginning of q movement to elimi-
nate the defective from our midst should start in
the schools. Examinations should be made and
children who are dull, stupid and u~npromising,
but as yet not criminals. should be separated and
treated. II 1t is found that after kind and pro-
longed treatment the child cannot be made7nor-
NAL. he should be put permanently in an insti-
tuition. In the same way. 1t should be possible to
take and treat feeble-minded adults. many of
whom turn to crime because they are unable to
make q living in ordinary work"
The care and restriction of detectives is a
recosnized function of state legislatures. The
problem il UP to them.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS

Any reader car get the answer to
n question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau, Frederic J. Haskin. Direo
tor, Washington, D. C. This Offer
applies strictly to Information. The
bureau cannot give advice on legal.
medical and financial troubles. II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on n subject. Write
you. question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address and en-
close two cents In stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
What's the Rush?

A traffic agent was trying to show a group OF
Mexican produce raisers the advantage OF using
the railroad to get stuff to market. The Mexi-
cans had been unwilling to pay the fare and the
freight, so the agent was demonstrating the
saving in time.
How long does it take you to get your pro-
duce to MARKET" he asked one of the growers.
"With three mules it takes three days. was
the reply.
well" said the agent. by using the railroad
Won can take your produce to market and return
home in one day."
"Si, senor.' was the reply. But what shall
do with the other two days.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Things to Worry About.

The latest census shows that the United States
hasn't enough women to go around. There are
Ii, 900, 900 unmarried males and 1O,5OO,0O0 I'M
married females. This leaves $500, 900 bache-
lors over the age OF twenty who will have to
remain single or take a chance on getting shot
by stealing some other mans wife.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18

Italy, pressed for funds. leases the Colosseum
TO a theatrical company. Italian senate roars
that this Is dissertation. Still, the Colosseum
originally was a theatre. Dissertation, ie any,
will be in the type of plays.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Making the Punishment Fit the Crime.

Anon Pen blackstone was q wise and a good
Caliph.
HaIfiz, the chauffeur, had pleaded guilty OF
having driven his auto when he was intoxicated,
terrorizing and endangering many of the popu-
lace.
Abou Ben Blackstone ordered that Sadi was
ordered to give Hafz a close wine until Sadi was
intoxicated. Then he ordered that Hafiz, the
chauffeur, be bound with strong cords into the
barber chair of Sadi, the barber. Then, stag
gering and seeing two men in the chair where
there was but one, Sadi was ordered to give
Hafz a close shave, thrice over.
Today Hafz has but one ear and no nose, ana
his face resembles the Prayer Rug of Mahomet.
But he no longer looks at wine when he is driv-
ing his auto.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Our Daily Special
LIKE Saws

Two Are Not Always Company When The
Happen to be Husband and Wife.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McLuke.
Copyright, 1920, by The Cincinnati Enquirer.
Fooey!

She ate raw onions. What a shame!
1 held my nose.
For she did not smell like her name
Her name was Rose.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Strangc!

To man it eemet passing strange,
AS DER the news his eyes will range;
He sees each time a page he turns:
Another Fireproof Building Burns"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Reversed

A boy plays the game of shut your eyes ant
open your mouth" But when he grows up h
discovers that the way to play the game is te
Shut your mouth and open your eyes
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Advice.

My son, three things are necessary in order
win a woman. They are:
Audacity.
Fortunately.
Mendacity.
p. S.-And don't forget the Mendacity.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
Bang!

He's in Heaven. we all hope
For him we're saying prayers;
He stepped upon a cake of soap
His wife left on the stairs.
-Luk McLuke.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18

True happiness your way will hike,
II you will take this view;
It's not in doing what you like,
But liking what you do.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
The Jury Was From Missouri.
A Corn Fed voung girl from Mo.

A Corn Fed young girl from MO.
Broke her leg while employed by a DO.
The brewery said no,
But the girl got the dough
When she showed that there leg to the 10.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18
OUGHT

IAN ocean voyage make a fine outing, doesn't
it?" said the Man who Never Travels.
Yes" replied the Man who had just returned
from Europe. Especially for the inner man.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-18

Well to believe that this Is so
Well try-perhaps we cam;
We thought it was an apple, though,
That caused the fall Of man.
Newark Advocate.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
THE WHITE MANS BURDEN
BY DIR. W. f. BARTON

When Captain John Smith effected
his permanent settlement at James,
town. and Pilgrim Fathers reach
ed their precarious foothold on Pry-
mouth Rock. this continent belonged
to the Red Men and the buffalo.
At that same time, Africa. to
quote the picturesque language OF
Artemus Ward, was famous for Its
roses-it had the red rose, the white
rose and the negroes.
Asia was at that time dominated
by the yellow races and the brown.
Europe was the only white spot
on the map of the world.
Will 1t Last?I
Now the white people of the earth
are about one-third of the whole
population, but they control about
nine-tenths of the habitable globe.
There are supposed to be about 3d.
100000 square miles Of habitable ter
ritory on this planet; at the present
moment the white C control or
dominate more than 4~6,000.000
square miles.
Is this a permanent or a transit
tional phase of racial life?
There is reason to believe that this
may not be the permanent status of
the earth's political condition. If
so, the white have a grave re-
sponsibility in deciding to whom they
are to delegate some part of the re-
sponsibilities which now. either tenn
porarily or permanently, they hold.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
FIRST RESIDENTIAL DISTRICT

Although no action was taken by the Board
of Aldermen at their meeting Monday night
regarding the coming ordinance which has been
recommended to them by the city planning and
coming commissions it is understood that the
board is favorable to such legislation and that
at a meeting in the near future some action
along this line will be taken.
City zoning is being adopted by all. progress
sive municipalities as the only fair way to pro-
tect property owners. When a man invests his
savings in a home he wants to be reasonably
certain that his investment is not going to de-
of the erection IN the neighborhood of some
Objectionable business or manufacturing struc-
ture. People who like nice homes are not going
TO buy or build where they are not assured of
protection. That is the object of the coming
system and il is doing a great deal to help
cities retain their desirable population.
While coming a city is. in a sense, a part of
city planning, it does not cover the city plan
by a great deal. A city plan is the work Of
experts who make an exhaustive study of the
city and its environments with a view to its
development for the next twenty-five or fifty
years as well as rearranging its existing layout
so as to make the city more efficient and at
~tractive.
The city plan commission is not showing any
great haste in. carrying out a work Of this kind
although it had $500 to spend which would at
least have made a start in this direction. With
so many big developments pending all about
the city the sooner a comprehensive city plan
can be arranged the better it will be for the
city. 1t may help TO stop the deplorable MI
grafton of desirable citizens to nearby surbur-
ban towns which is now going on at an alarm
ing rate. Perth Amboy can ill afford to lose
these people.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
TaARvEy LEARNS SOMETHING

--assador Harvey doubtless realizes by this
III hat although he may hold the title of
ssador from the United States to the Court
st. James, he does not represent the people
HI the United States, at least as far as his re-
marks at the Pilgrims dinner are concerned.
Harvey's speech has been bitterly condemned
IN all parts of the country and a resolution was
even introduced in congress which practically
amounted to a demand for Harvey's recall. AL
though this resolution never came to a vote, 1t
tended to show the general feeling against the
ambassadors attitude. 1t is significant tha'
later remarks made by the ambassador were
decidedly more guarded in tone. The Harding
administration will be lucky if it does not hnd
itself much more seriously embarrassed by
the man it has sent to London for the purpose
of representing America.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
RIPPING RHYMES
BY Walt Mason
FALSE TEETH

Ny new false teeth are now in
place, and they fill out the sunken
face that lately 1 have worn; as sub
stitutes they're a success. and yet /
YEARLY confess that man was made
to mourn There is no perfect bliss
below; behind each joy there is a
woe, behind each smile a tear: my
teeth are always lost. by jing, and 1
will have to get a string and tie
them to my ear. j take them from
their dread abode while I compose
a stirring ode, to gain the poets
wreath: and then the dinner horn is
blown, and l exclaim, with throb-
blamed teeth?" An absent-minded
gent / am; 1 can't remember worth
a yam the things / should recall;
I'm always losing fountain pens, and
pins and pups n setting hens, my
watch and tennis ball. But some
how / could plug away when all
these things were gone astray, and
many more beside: I'd get me other
pins and pups and fountain pens
and mustache cups. and let the lost
ones slide. But l put up some fierce
harangues when / have lost my
priceless fangs. all shiny, white and
new; until they're found 1 cannot eat
the large and luscious joint of meat,
or anything but stew. Alas. there is
no perfect bliss in such a tinhorn
world as this. on such "a misft
sphere; my ding-donged teeth are
lost again, and when they're found
I'll get a chain and chain them to
my ear.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

for the purpose of finding a break
in a cable under the ocean. Steam
ing at right angles to the cable they
pick up one end of it with graphing
irons. They pass along this till they
come to the break. A new piece is
spliced on, the other broken end
picked up and another splice made
@. What kind Of wood are xylo-
phones made of?-M. G. c.
A. The bars of many xylophones
are made of Nagaed wood. This
gives a clear and brilliant tone and
is hard enough to withstand hard
usage. The wood OF which the oars
are made is seasoned for from three
tC seven years, in order that the
bars will stay in tune. The sound
ing board frames l. usually made
of white quarter sawed oak with
sound boards Of spruce.
@. What became Of the famous
Long Tom Gun land what weight
was it?-E. B.
A. The Long Tom is a 42-pound
gun which was originally part OF
the French battleship Hoche. II
was captured by the English in 1898
and sold to America. During the
French attack on Haiti in 1904 II
was used and dismounted until
1912. 1t was placed on the General
Armstrong, which ran the blockade
of the British at New Orleans, 1914.
The General Armstrong ran into h
bay near Horta, Fayal (Azore Is
lands) after an encounter with a
British squadron, through which h
was rendered helpless. Long Tom
was dismantlcd and remained at
Fayal until brought back to New
York in 1898. This was through
the efforts of Colonel Reid, son of
the commander of the General Arm
strong.
@. Has Connecticut another nick
name beside Nutmeg State?-A "A.
A. A popular nickname Of Connec-
ticut is the Land of Steady Habits.
@. What IS the name of the in
ssrument used 10 measure the dis
lance between one planet and an
cther?-E. d. G.
A. The Naval Observatory says
in practice. the distance between
planets is not measured, but is COM
puted by e of the known posi-
tions of the planets. The positions
are known from almanacs or Ephe-
merides which have been computed
from standard astronomical tables.
ands of observations made with an
instrument known as the meridian
circle.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

@. What kind of food should be
used with poison as rat bait Pr. *.
A.. The Department Of Agricul-
ture stresses the fact that it is nee
essary to tempt the well fed rats Of
this country by providing a variety
of foods. Select bait from the three
classes. meat, vegetable and cereal,
combining each with barium car
Donate in the proportion of one part
poison to four parts food. If one
kind Of food does not attract the rat
probably another sort will.
@. Who furnishes bronze name
plates for soldier memorial trees?-
!. NJ. w.
A. The American Forestry Asso-
citation, Washington. D.. c., furnishes
such plates for soldier memorial
trees.
Q.How is a break in a cable I'M
der water mended?-L. S.
A. The Bureau of Standards says
that steamers are specially equipped
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
rember Of The Associated Press
RESERVOIR INSPECTION

Every citizen who can possibly find the time
should make use of the opportunity this af-
ternoon to inspect the new reservoir that has
been constructed for the city at Kinsey corner.
This is one of the biggest jobs ever done for
A the city and it is something that the taxpayers
will have to pay for. Few people, unless they
have already visited the site, realize what an
extensive piece of work this is. Every facility
will be afforded today to see the reservoir in its
entirety. 1t is now complete and within the
next few days the water will be turned in and
except on rare occasions, it will not be possible
to seek the bottom of 1t again.
This reservoir has been something that the
city has needed for a long time. The danger
ora water famine was always present when
4hs city's water supply was dependent upon a
single pumping station at Runyon connected
with this city by two mains lying under the
Raritan river. Had anything happened to these
the city's water would have been shut off. With
the reservoir full, however, there will be a
s~uficient supply of water always in storage to
tide over any mishap at the pumping station
or to the mains under the river so that the city
would be cared for while repairs were being
made even If 1t took several days to do the
work,
The building of the reservoir has been one
Of the most successful municipal jobs this city
has ever handled. In the first place, 1t has
been completed on time which is something
rather unusual as public contracts go. In the
second place, there has been practically no
trouble or friction during the construction, and
those who have examined the work declare that
the city has got a good job.
This is a very happy state of affairs. Credit
is largely due City Engineer Morgan F. Larson,
who has been the resident engineer in charge.
There was quite a little furry at the time the
contract was awarded over the amount of the
fee that was to be allowed Mr.. Larson for SUI
pervising the. work. The fact is. however. that
most of this money that Mr.. Larson has re-
ceived from the city has been paid out by him
to various inspectors and other engineers who,
together with Mr.. Larson, have been constantly
on the job. measuring up the cement, weighing
the steel AID watching it mixed and laid to
-. " got all that it was paying for,
# al sly haSSevery reason to feel salts
Y - reservoir. Any %skeptical or doubt
Id do well to visit the site before
Fac Tronight and see for himself what has
mplished.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
houId Stop Killing

Something of this Kipling had in
mind when he wrote THE White
Mans Burden" That burden is to
act as steward of the future good
order of the globe. 1t is not simply
the problem of military supremacy.
though that is part of it. 1t is an
economic and an educational and an
ethical problem.
Take up the White Mans Burden,
the cruel wars of peace;
Fill full the mouth of famine and
bid the sickness cease.
And when your goal is nearest, the
goal for others sought,
Watch sloth and heather folly bring
all your gains to naught!"
I venture to remind the nations of
Europe and the United States that
a careful look at the map of the
world would suggest that the white
races would do well to stop killing
each other. There are not too many
white men in proportion to the job
they have ahead of them.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
Paste This in Your Hat!

The man who kicks about the clothes the
women wear when out should have a care and
rest his nose ere it looks like a snout. If you'd
make this a better land, just mind your own
affairs. Attend to your own business and the
women will mind theirs. If knee high skirts
offend your eye, don't follow them around.
Just pass the low-necked women by and look
down at the ground. If some fair Juno likes
her shape and puts it on display it isn't up to
you to cape and protest in dismay. Clean
minded men won't knock the way a woman
cuts her waist. He'll see the dear things every
day and compliment their taste. So, if the
styles affect your dome and shock your pure
sweet life, stay off the streets, my friend, go
home and rubber at your wife. .
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau, Frederic ]. Haskin. Director.
Washington, D. c. This offer APP
bureau cannot give advice on legal,
medicinal and financial troubles. 1t
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles, nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on in subject. Write
our question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address and en-
close W cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
Boy, Page Pat Moran!

Three-Fingered Ware, who pitches for the
Albany (Ala.) team in the Tennessee-Alabam ma
League, says that he played against a cross
eyed pitcher last summer who never had a
man steal second when he was in the box. The
man on first couldn't tell whether the cross
eyed pitcher was looking at him or looking at
the batter, and he was afraid to take a lead
off first.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

1t makes a big difference whether a woman's
wealth of hair drops to the floor or on the
floor when she loosens it at night.
Once in about seventy-five years you hear a
singer who pronounces the words OF the song.
AM old maid can pack a hall by advertising
a lecture on How to Manage a Husband" But
a married woman couldn't get ten people to buy
tick cts Il she lectured on the same subject.
The only reason why you should love your
enemies is because one enemy will give you
more free advertising than a thousand friends.
The Dandelion is the champion hustler.
Knowing that you are trying to
him, a Dandelion will grow up, bloom out and
go to seed between breakfast time and supper
time.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
BITS OF BYPLAY
81 Luke McLuke.
Copyright, 1920, by The Cincinnati Enquirer.
Help!

The paper hanger has no sense.
He isn't smart at all;
For though his business is immense.
1t drives him to the wall.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

ITO this advice do not be blind"
Said old man Gates;
"A crooked man is bound to find
Himself in straits"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
Haw, HaW!

If a certain man in Friendsville, Tenn., get
boisterous after he gets married his wife nee
merely mention his name. His name is Thoma
3. Quiet.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
1'YOu WiniD

who was it that said misfortune comes
in pairs?" asked the Old Fogy.
Some fellow who ran up against three of a
kind, l guess" replied the Crouch.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

THAT is one thing that should be handled
without gloves!" said the Cheerful idiot.
What is it?" demanded the Wise Guy.
soap" replied the Cheerful Idiot.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

When flushed you will not lack escort,
Around you they will throng;
But you will find when you are short
Your friends will say 80 long!"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
BEAUTY SPOTS IN SOUTH AMBOY

Commendable action is being taken in South
Amboy by the Chamber of Commerce and the
Woman's Club looking toward the creation OF
several beauty spots in that city, particularly
along the main highway of travel in passing
through the place between the cities and the
Monmouth coast resorts. South Amboy has a
great opportunity in this regard; all that is
needed is the properfamount Of civic enterprise
on the part of its people.
There are some cinics and perpetual Crouch
ers' who pooh pooh at any attempt OF this
kind to make a place attractive; then there are
others who decry any expense that rs caused
by such work. But such people are too narrow
and petty in their ways to be considered. Their
sneers must be endured for the sake of the
community at large and when the final effect
is realized even the most contemplate Of them,
if they are honest with themselves, have to
admit that the city has been decidedly bene-
flied.
South Amboy has much to gain by fixing up
the odd corners here and there about the city.
There is no telling what may be the result OF a
single favorable impression made on some tour
list passing through the place for the first time.
A big manufacturer looking for a new home for
his plant and desiring an attractive place for
lis employees to live in or a developer of real
estate of the better class might be won.
The great advantage. however. would be to
the residents themselves. Environments count
for a great deal in this life and if the city Is
made attractive 1t is bound to have it's effect
on the character of the people. who live there.
1t would be hard to find a more worthy en-
deavor on the part of the civic organizations
of South Amboy than this Work they have now
set out to accomplish. 1t is to be hoped that
they meet with the greatest success.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
OH!

Your Honor" said the Traffic Cop, This
driver was running too fast when he hit this
man who was crossing the street."
Il was not running too fast!' insisted the
Auto Driver. THE trouble was that the man
l hit was running too slow"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08
Turf

Dewey Meadows won't see any for a while.
He has been sent to the Reformatory from
Cincinnati.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-08

/ think you'll find that l am right,
And you should bear this fact in mind:
The silent watches of the night
Are those that you forgot to wind.
Luke McLuke.