davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
by JOHN p. MEDBURY.


This is the time OF the year when
the wife usually looks at fur coats.
You don't mind her looking at them,
it's when she buys them that hurts.
It's Winter and you may need q
sealskin coat, but the seal needs IL
more than you do.
Judging from the price they're
charging for some OF their imported
sealskins, the seal must have come
TO this country In a taxicab.
You visit the aquarium I'm coat
which is supposed TO be genuine and
no wonder the seals roar when they
see IL.
One woman bought real sealskin
coat and asked the clerk II II would
hurt II II she got II wet.
All the shop windows are filled
with new Winter coats. When
you're on the street with a lady II
may be polite TO let her walk on the
inside, but it's darned expensive.
Your wife buys a sealskin coat
and puts the swell on the neigh.
bors, but a seal wears one and thinks
nothing OF IT.
A guy tells his wife that he'll buy
her "a coat when his ship comes In,
but he doesn't live near the water.
One woman looked at a coat and
said she didn't like II, but IL might
grow on her. Then the husband
looked at the price and said he'd
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
WEST VA. U. GETS HOLIDAY
FOR BEATING WASH. AND LEE

MORGANTOWN, w. Va. Nov. S.
Believing that the football victory over
Washington and Lee at Charleston on
Saturday should be properly celebra.
ted, the student body, at West Nir.
ginia- University declared a holiday
at a mass meeting.
In the absence from the city OF
President Frank y. Trotter, the report
of the action was submitted to the
The Washington times., 1921-11-08

underOrusn and ambsF Is dsnsS. SHa
a mass OF flames with the cracking
fire headed rapidly toward Corning
Ark.
Livestock pasturing in the lowlands
are fleeing TO the open. ahead OF the
flames.
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
WHEN HAIR THINS,
FADES OR FALLS,
USE "DANDERlNE"

35 cents buys a bot.
tie of "Danderine." "
Within ten minutes
after the first applica-
ton you can not find
a single trace OF dand-
ruff or falling hair.
Danderine is to the
hair what fresh show.
ers Of rain and sun.
shine are to Vegeta
ton. 1t goes right 10
the roots, invigorates
and strengthens them
helping your hair tC
sr,-ny IAn1 thinE and
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
CASCARETS TO-
For Constipated Bowels Bilious Liver

tonight will empty your bowels com.
pleteiy by morning and you viii feel
splendid. They work while you
sleep" Cascarets never stir you up
or grippe like Salts. Pills. Calomei,
or oil, and they cost only ten cents
a box. Children love cascarets' too'
Advertisement.
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
| F|[DBU|1Y1j
Says Some Guys Hook Their Watch to Buy a
Coat and the Next Day They Hook the
Coat to Get the Watch Out.

bet her ten dollars II wouldn't grow
on her.
She wanted TO know II she could
return II II she wasn't satisfied.
The clerk said The seal won't take
II back, so why should we?'
Her husband wouldn't buy II for
her and told her he wanted TO look
at something cheap. 30 she handed
him looking glass.
She told him II he bought her a
coat she'd drop dead, 30 he saved
her life.
Then the clerk asked her II she
wanted something I'm n common skin
and she said mo, 1 brought one I'm
with me-"
Her husband asked her why she
didn't get a domestic animal and she
told him she thought she was get
ting one. but he'd been out every
night since they were married.
Finally he hooked his watch TO
buy her a coat and the next day
he hooked the coat TO get his watch
out.
She said she needed swell coat
to help her climb tie social ladder.
He told her she could climb it
quicker without coat.
So remember fellows. when your
wife wants to get into society, it's
cheaper TO let her father give her
the coat and you buy the ladder.
'2l by Premier Syndicate Inc
The Washington times., 1921-11-08
CATTLE FLEE FOREST
FLAMES IN MISSOURI

POPLAR BLUFF. Mo-. Nov. s.
Forest fires today were eating their
way through the lowlands south and
east OF here.
The bottoms OF Black river. where
The Washington times., 1921-11-08

Girls. Girls! Don't let your hair
stay iifeless, colorless. thin, scraggy.
A single application of delightful
Danderine will double the beauty and
radiance of your hair and make it
look twice as NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
ment.
Evening star., 1921-05-15

dismissed once and for all, especially
| as we now know that the earth
passed bodily through the tail of the
| great comet of 1861 during June of
that year"
This calm and serene view of
comets has not always prevailed In
| past years the appearance or a
comet in any section of the world
omen Of bad luck and possible de-
struction Of the earth The pessl-
mistic joy-killers of the world have
| never overlooked an opportunity 70
| link up any natural catastrophe with
the coming or going of comet. Here
is their record of unfortunate oc-
currences covering period from
the year A. D. II down to the world
| war, which they attribute to comets:
A. D. IA comet preceded the
death of Augustus, the first emperor
| of Rome. Earthquake in Italy.
55-Suicide of Pontius PLATE, the
Judge who condemned Christ.
| 68-Halley's comet. Suicide OF Nero:
prosecutor of Christians. Siege OF
Jerusalem.
73-A comet shone 1so days over
Ea1thguahs aaa narsged IN
79-Death of Emperor Nespasian.
| who began the siege of Jerusalem.
The Roman historians Dion Cassius
and Suetonius relate that VeSpasian,
/ when taken sick, heard his astrol.
| ogers discussing in low tone Of
voice the comet which was then visi-
| BILE, which, they said, predicted his
death. The emperor reused angrily
| and said: This hairy star is not
! meant for me. 1t must be meant for
ans. for he is hairy, while am bald"
On the following night Vespasian n
died in great pain. and the co,..et
| was seen no more. Shortly after
Vespasian's death followed the fierce
eruption of Mount Vesuvius, Novem-
ber 1, which destroyed the two -four
/ ishing cities of Herculaneum and
Pompeii
1o02-A comet over England and
Scandinavia Massacre of all Danes
1OS6-Halley's comet. 1t appeared
! in May at Easter time and shone for
forty nights, waxing and waning with
| the moon. William the Conqueror
| hailed it as an omen of destruction
to Harold of England just before the
battle of Hastings.
114s-9-Second crusade. Utter de-
struction of whole army of French
and German crusaders.
12O0-Comet recorded by Hal Ben
Rodoan. an Arab astronomer. over
| North Africa. Bloody revolt Of Arab
! warriors in Morocco.
1212-Lance-shape comet shining
nights. The children's crusade. Thou
sands of German and French boy
! crusaders perished or were sold into
slavery. Bloody invasion of Tartar
hordes into Russia and Poland.
1223-Preaching of flfth crusade.
Outbreak Of Guelph and Ghibelline"
war between Emperor Frederick II
| of Germany and Pope Gregory the TX.
126-Very bright comet observed
| shining all over Europe for three
months. Pope Urban " died on the
| night of the comets disappearance.
129S-Because of the appearance of
a comet over middle Germany there
were riots in Nuremberg and other
neighboring cities, followed by gen.
e;t;a. eral massacre o+the Jews in those
13O0-A brilliant comet preceded
the jubilee of Pope Boniface the VIII.
The Pope interpreted the comet as
happy omen, but because OF the
popular dread of the comet there
Evening star., 1921-05-15
A Story by Holman Day

er. Il don't know what the blasted
old kodobus thinks he's. doing there.
| but reckon I'd better call out Nessu-
vius Number One"
You hold your hosses. snapped the
captain. There's something to come!"
And now. fellow citizens" roared
| the master of ceremonies. I'll show
| you why one of these treasures should
be in every home"
He stepped nearer to the blazing mass
and hurled the pumpkin object into the
/ crater. Flames shot high above the top
of the heap of timber.
The advocate of the home treasure"
backed away from the volcano. and
either the heat or his doubts sent queer
ridges into his countenance. Then con-
! vction that he must be right smoothed
out the ridges. He stepped back to the
case and secured two of the things and
banged them into the blaze. Torrents
of flame streamed upward.
Capt. Briggs. holding to Foreman
Kay lest any part of the "phySicology"
proposition should be put out of gear.
rushed across to where Expert Jordan
stood revealed in the binding glare.
rs this it, demanded the captain.
Mr.. Jordan nodded
Just then Capt. Cole. working fast.
crashed two more of the treasures"
into the seething flames. The tossing
tongues of fire licked the heavens. Mr..
Jordan lost his air of placid contempla-
ton. Citizens were voicing their fears.
Whats the matter with this dub
town, anyway" he queried with disgust.
why doesn't the big laugh go up?''
What the hoopus is there to laugh
att" squealed the foreman of the In
vincibles.
why, it's joke It's to put him on
the blink. It's so that he'll want to
duck out of town so as not to face the
ridicule," ratified Expert Jordan. Those
grenades are filed with kerosene"
At that moment Capt. Cole was leap
ing like a kangaroo and was heaving
them four at time. In that eXigency
he seemed to be as curiously lacking in
men.
Mr.. Jordan appeared to realize that
fact all at once. You must stop him.
Confound it, l never saw such a thick
headed fool. Set men on him :"
You'd better start up that engine you
sold him." raved Capt. Briggs, trying to
grasp the situation, but unable to under
stand much except that there was a
kckback in the physiology" IF that
fire amt put out. this town will go
to hell humming!"
But that's more of the joke!' insisted
Expert Jordan testify. TT won't work.
that engine won't. There was going to
be another laugh at the trial squirt"
"Mr. Mcbride ~ beloved Capt. Cole,
torch up that engine!''
Mr.. Mcbride obeyed promptly.
Capt. Cole. in his panic. had not
Evening star., 1921-05-15

I line tomorrow evening, and you'll see
| the how of it." Mr.. Jordan rose and
selected a fresh cigar. lighted it and
| started away.
Capt. Briggs obeyed that intunc-
tion to be on hand. and so did every
body else in Toddport.
The attentive citizens ringed the
square In the middle OF the arena
the most conspicuous object was the
steam fire engine. The torches showed
to and fro and gave off orders in sea
tones.
Those orders that he beloved were
given to Constable Angus Mcbride,
iwho captained a squad of husky young
fishermen. They were still piIing
heap that was fully as high as the
second floor windows of Centennial
Hall.
Wesley p Jordan. esq. stood on the
steps of Basom's store and twirled a
charm at the end Of his watch chain
and his voice was not heard,
The mysterious packing cases which
had come along with the engine were
TERED near the heap of ship timber
When all seemed to be set Cant.
Cole lifted from one of the cases an
object that was about as large as a
mediums sized pumpkin.
Fellow citizens." The stentorian
tones hushed all the gable of the
throGg. Seeing that proputtv in
Toodport has been found to be with
so much. and seeing that you have ali
woke up to what it is wuth, after hay-
ing 1t brought to your attention, the
next thing to do is to protect that
proputty. This engine that you see
here before you can do a whole lot.
just like the man she's named for.
But she can't do everything ex-
pect to be helped by individuals and
she must be helped by individuals. as
you might say. This here what hold
in my hand is an Individual"
He brandished the object
1t ought to be in every home, like
individuals are in homes. And now, If
you'll all peel your weather eve.
you'll see for yourselves why I say it
ought to be where l say it ought to be-
In fact the label on it says: The
Happy Home Treasure and Protector
Mr. Mcbride. stand by,"
X X X
MIR. MBRIDE stabbed a lighted
torch into the vitals of the heap
Of ship timber. Flames began to leap
and roar within the TERED chimney.
Let no one be alarmed" bellowe ed
Capt. Cole. I'm at the wheel"
The ring Of spectators widened. The
heat drove them back.
Foreman Kay was at Capt. Briggs
elbow and displayed the natural ap-
prehension of an accredited freight
Evening star., 1921-05-15

were riots and bloodshed in Rome
and elsewhere in Italy. The chron-
iclers of the times pointed out the sig.
| nificant fact that shortly after his
| prisoner by King Philip of France
causing him to die of rage.
1305-A comet ''of horrible aspect
burning all through passion week pre-.
ceded the outbreak of the terrible
| black plague which swept from the
| orient all over Europe and Asia.
1333-Chinese and Arab astrono-
| mers record bright comet ovep China
Turkestan and Persia Birth of Tam
erlane. the "scourge of the nations
at Samarkand, in Turkestan.
1347-A comet precedes the "black
by famine all over the world. One
fourth of all the, people of Europe
died. Fifteen million deaths in China
twenty-five million in Europe.
1884 comet of immense size
.shone for three months over northern
Europe. Pestilence and famine in
England. Poland and Russia
1s11-12-This huge comet was one
of the most famous of modern times
1t was first seen in France on March
26, 1911, and was last observed over
southern Russia on August II. 1872
an appearance Of seventeen months,
the longest on record. For a while
it had two tails. then only one. The
length of this tail was estimated as
100000. 900 miles: It was called Ma
Napoleon gathered his grand armee,"
the greatest army assembled In
Europe since Xerxes. and invaded
Russia. Wars were fought at the
same time in Portugal and spain.
where the British stormed Ciudad
where Harrison's victory over the
Indians under Tecumseh at Tippe-
canoe. and the seahght between the
President and Little Belt ushered In
the war of 1912. In Egypt the comet
was taken as an omen ON, OF tne ~ Dlooay
massacre of the Mamelukes perpe-
trated at Cairo.
is2l-"Napoleon's comet" Seen one
night only over France and over st.
Helena the night before the death OF
Napoleon at St Helena.
1S35-6-Halley's comet. Immediate
ly after the comet became generally
visible in the old world the bubonic
/ plague, known of old as the 'black
death" broke out in Egypt. In the
city of Alexandra alone 5000 people
calamity was generally attributed to
the evil influence of the comet.
+ 4 r X
TN America the comet became visi-
BILE to the naked eye only late in
the year. Then. on its approach to
the sun. it was lost to view and
passed over to the southern hemi-
sphere, where it was next observed
by Sir John Herschel in South Africa.
Shortly after its brief blaze over
North America the great New York
fire" laid waste the entire business
section Of the biggest city in the new
world. All the commercial center OF
the city, including the richest firms
and largest commercial warehouses;
were laid in ashes. The hre raged
through days and nights. IN All, 5So o
houses burned down and $1S,00O.OO0
of property was consumed. Owing
to the intense cold, the sufferings OF
the homeless were pitiable.
In Florida, at the same time, Us
ceola, the chieftain of the Seminole
Indians. called upon the comet as
signal for war against the whiees.
Evening star., 1921-05-15

This year, however, the new
lyweds and the versesmiths will be
obliged to share their fascinating
Junetime with whizzing comet
which drags a tail more than two
million miles in length.
This comet is known to astronomers
as the Pons-Winnecke. The latter
name is pronounced "Vinnicke." 1t
was named in honor Of two celebrated
astronomers. Pons was a French
man and Winnecke a German. The
former, who was known in his day as
the greater comet hunter" discov-
cred the Pons-Winnecke on June H.
1919. From that time until 1858 it
was not observed by any of the
worlds astronomers. During the lat
ter year Winnecke, the German, OBJ
served comet and for a time thought
that he had found an entirely new
one. He was shortly convinced that
comet. Since that time it has al
ways been referred to as the Pons-
Winnecke.
This elongated bird of the distant
heavens, shaped something like an
eel or snake, is an amazingly swift
United States at q speed Of $4,000
miles per hour, or 1.72S.00o miles per
day. By June q it will reach point
in the skies about two million miles
from the earth. This will be suffi-
ciently close for the tail to side
whether it is made Of harmless ma
terial or damaging stuff. For sew
eral days prior to June y. the bril-
liant tail will be observable from all
parts Of the country.
x X X X
TT is rather difficult to conceive of
anything two million miles in
length. If that -million-mile tail
were attached to a live serpent of
some kind, capable Of controlling it in
any desired fashion, it could easily
be looped around the quatorial Sec
ton OF the earth eighty times. If the
fair maid who is supposed to in
habit the moon should happen to take
a rancy to the Pons-W -Winnecke comet
tail and want to decorate her coun-
try. she would have enough material
reaching all the way to the earth and
| enough left over to make a big bow
hair ribbon for herself.
When Asaph Hall, professor of
mathematics Of the United States
Naval Observatory, Washington, was
asked whether any serious conse-
quences were liable to result from
the swishing of the Pons- -Wennecke' s
tail against the bosom of the earth,
he laughed heartily and said: mo.
nothing serious is going to happen.
The result of the contact will merely
be spectacular shower of me-
teorites in the skies They wils
travel so swiftly through space that
they will doubtless be entirely
burned out before reaching this
planet. This vivid meteor shower.
as a matter Of fact. will be as harm
less as the 'sparklers' used by little
boys and girls on the Fourth of
July
This view Of Prof Hall is con-
Cured in by that eminent English
scientist George F. Chambers. who
says: "The idea of any danger hap
pening to our planet, or to any other
planet, from the advent of any of
these wandering strangers may be
Evening star., 1921-05-15

You and your company get after
THE heart has all been took out OF
the Veteran Invincibles." lamented
past there have been slurs. Now go
get your fiddle" He sat down on the
platform OF Basom's store.
You bet I'll get fiddle- roared
Capt. Cole.
He kicked in the door Of Basom's
store.
He knew the disposition of goods IN
that store as accurately as EZRA Ba-
som himself.
He came out Immediately. carrying
. double -barreled- Sua IN the hook OF
his arm.
"Afroy. Inv1ncibles,- he roared. "All
hands on deck, You listen to me,
Get your buckets, your pals. your
ladders. Get onto these roofs. And
the first man who lags back will be
encouraged by charge OF bird shot
A veteran master-marner with
shotgun) has-but why enter into de-
tail with the obvious? And
all this time. obeying orders, Con-
stable Mcbride was sitting on the
PROSTATE form Of Expert Jordan.
At the call OF Selectman Cole there
was a meeting in Centennial Hall tho
next forenoon for the purpose OF
handling the matter of Mr.. Jordan.
For once Capt. Briggs and Capt.
Cole were able to get together on a
subject ir full unanimity-the sub
ject was the sullen Mr.. Jordan. And
after Mr.. Jordan had been dredged
for what money there was on his per-
son and had departed there was eN-
.ellent evidence that there would be
better understanding all round in
Toddport- because after Capts. Cole
and Briggs had awkwardly shaken
hands over the disposition OF Jordan
there really wasn't much left to fight
about.
Fellow -citizens. by the way we
| fought that fire last night We have
showed that we're all members Of the
fire department and don't need to buy
fancy ingines," declared their first
selectman. And we'll spend that tax
money in other improvements. And to
show that ! amt trying to run this
town all by myself and to prove that
i now feel after what happened last
nig ght, that we're all united, I'll do all
the selectman's work, free gratis, for
nothing. and let a general committee.
headed by my friend Capt Briggs.
say how all town money shall be
spent I've got only one suggestion to
make: I'd have quarantine station
at the wharf to keep out critters who
come here to stick their noses into
our business, and a quarantine station
like that would have been a good
thing for me when l arrove here. all
het up"'
"Tm glad that things didn't get any
more het up last night" said Foreman
Kay. not wholly appeased.
I'm paying for all that out of my
own pocket" declared Capt. Rotheus
TT was a peace bonfire-and it's worth
all it cost"
Evening star., 1921-05-15

wholly lost his wits. He realized that
what he was handling was indubita-
bly, good for fires. considered in two
ways. The label declared that the
grenades were good to use in putting z
out fires; his experience showed that
they were specially good for starting
fires. He ran to the engine and threw
four OF the grenades into the fire-
box.
run for your lives" yelled Mr.. Jor-
dan. That thing will blow up:'
He led the rush from the square,
The explosion followed promptly
The blast of it did not service for
Toddport: 1t blew out the main FIRE.
But countless brands were scattered
far and wide. They fell on roofs and
Uttered the streets. Little fires were
started everywhere.
And that's what that old tin jing-a- =
blng with the name Capt. Eotheus
Cole onto it has done for this viii
lage.' shrieked Foreman Kay from
behind a tree. "It was well named
Somebody ring Me hody bell! Come
on, Veteran Invincibles, Rush out old
Vesuvius No. -"
Mr.. Roscoe Burr not only trucked
and hearsed, but it was understood
that his horses were to draw Vesu-
vius in case of a fire.
I'VE ought to have about leven
dozen of these Vesuviuses," he painted
,, as he fastened girths. IF they expect
me to get around to every place
where there's a fire. the way it has
been spattered. they're i'ble to have
their expectations stepped on" .
However, as 1t turned out. no house
holder in Toddport found any occa-
I sion for blame or criticism because
Mr.. Burr and the Invincibles showed
partiaIity or preference. The haste OF
harnessing had excited Driver Burr's
horses. When they galloped out OF
the quiet refuge, which sheltered We
SuviuS No. /. they met something
which excited them still more! Old
Dan Wyman had arrived from the
Scrubhill district to find out wha'
all the illumination meant. In anti
cipation of his next tri-weekly trip
he had rugged a few bells to drag be.
hind the beach wagon, and on this
visit he brought them with him in
addition to the regular two hundred.
Mr.. Burrs horses ran away with
much more determination and en-
thusiasm than they had shown on a
previous occasion. They dumped of
Mr.. Burr and took Vesuvius No.
along with them.
We'll. that finishes mew walled
Foreman Kay. He rushed up to Capt
Cole He shook his hard little fists
under the captains nose. Il have read
about an old devil who fiddled willis,
his home town was burning up! Go
get your fiddle, Capt Roth Cole. You
came back here to wreck and ruin US!
Get your fiddle now and enjoy your
self!'
put Capt Cole seemed to be sineu-
- larly unabashed. He, in return
shook his fist under Mr.. Kay's nose
Evening star., 1921-05-15

after he had listened with increasing
complacency.
But allow me to remind you, Capt.
Cole, that these are the days when
the world is seeking peace. What a
shame it would be if our dear town
should be disturbed by unseemly
strife"
That's right" agreed the select
man cordially But it takes two to
make quarrel I'm all pleasant
and agreeable. According to your
tell, they are the ones who are mad.
You go and advise 'em to take their
medicine and smile. and then there
won't be a mite of trouble
But they are all against you:
ing that it's Toddport."
Il must explain that I feel par.
ticular responsibility, Capt Cole,
Evening star., 1921-05-15

elected you first selectman of Toddport.
Best wishes! Good day." He Tipped
his whip and went away at good gait.
First selectman Of this dod- trimmed.
ripened cow-pasture" snarled Capt.
Cole. I'D just as soon be the bung-
hole Of a scuttlebutt on Portugee
f1ounder-chaser. But if I'm first select
man, that makes me assessor of taxes.
BY the hoot that old Uriah hooted, I'll
tune up Toddport to concert pitch if
the G G~String don't bust"
On the following Monday Toddport
beheld something novel on the street.
Roscoe Burr's big underslung jigger-
wagon, drawn by two horses. Mr.. Burr
refining them. Mr.. Burr trucked as
we'll as hearsed for his living.
The jigger had a canvas awning.
like the shelter of a quarterback, and
under the awning were Capt Rotheus