The Washington herald., 1921-02-06
THE HANDBOOK OF HYMEN

Continued from Page . Main Section.
books and quail bones had been
rsked out Of the hall. Twenty-three
of the bunch galloped over to Mrs.
sampson and asked for a dance. I
side-stePped the two-step. and
asked permission to escort her
home. That's where I made hit.
On the way home says she:
Amt the stars lovely and bright
tonight. Mr.. Pratt?'
For the chance they've got" says
I. They're humping themselves in a
mighty creditable way. That big
one you see is sixty-six billions Of
miles distant. 1t took thirty-six
years for it's light to reach US. With
an eiEhteen-foOt telescope you can
see forty-three millions Of 'em, in
Guiding them of the thirteenth mag
nitude. which. If one was 10 go out
now. you would keep on seeing 1t
for 200 years
Ny" says MIS-. Sampson. Il
never knew that before. How warm
it is, I'm as damp as can be from
dancing so much
That's easy to account for, says
/ w hen you happen to know that
you've got 100000 sweat glands
working all at once. II every one
nf your perspiratOry ducts, which
are A quarter Of an inch long, was
placed end to end they would reach
a distance of seven miles"
"I.awsy!" says Mrs. Sampson. 1t
sounds like an irrigation ditch you
was desert binE. Mr.. Pratt. How do
YOU get all this knowledge Of in
rormatiOn?"
From observation, Mrs. Samp-
son" I tells her. Il keep my eyes
open when I go about the world
Mr.. Pratt" says she, Il always
did admire a man of education.
There are so few scholars among
the sap-headed plug-uglies of this
town that it is a real pleasure to
converse with a gentleman of cul-
ture. I'd be gratifed to have you
ran at my house whenever you feel
50 inclined"
md that was the way I got the
Goodwill Of the lady in the yellow
house. Every Tuesday and Friday
evenings I used to go there and
tell her about the wonders Of the
universe as discovered, tabulated
and compiled from nature by Her
kimcr. Idaho and the other gay
T.utherans Of the town got every
they could.
never imagined that Idaho was
irving to work on Mrs. Sampson
with old K MS rules of courtship
tf1l one afternoon when I was on
my way over to take her a basket
nr Wild hog -plums. I met the lady
coming down the lane that led to
her house. Her eyes was swapping
and her hat made a dangerous dip
over one eye.
Mr.. Pratt" she opens up, this
Mr.. Green is a friend OF yours, be-
IIeve."
FOR nine years" says I.
cut him out" says she. He's
no gentleman"
Why. ma'am," says I, he's a
plain incumbent of the mountains,
with asperities and the usual fall
ings Of a spendthrift and a liar. but
never on the most momentOus oC-
rssion had the heart to deny that
he was a gentleman. 1t may be
that in haberdashery and the sense
nr arrogance and display Idaho Of
rcnds the eye. but inside. man,
I've found him impervioUs to the
lower grades OF crime and obesity.
After nine years of Idaho's society,
Mrs sampson" winds up. Il
should hate to impute him, and
should hate to see him imputed"
It's right plausible of you, Mr..
Pratt" says Mrs. Sampson. ito take
ND the curmudgeons in your friends
behalf. but il don't alter the fact
that no has made proposals to me
sufficiently obnoxious to ruffle the
ignominy of any lady"
Why. now. now, now| says L
old Idaho do that! 1 could be-
Iieve it Of myself sooner. never
knew but one thing to deride in
him; and a blizzard was RESPONSE
BILE for that. Once while we was
snow bound in the mountains he
became a prey to a kind of spurious |
and uneven poetry. which may have |
corrupted his demeanor."
TT has" says Mrs. Sampson.
Ever since I knew him he has been |
reciting to me a lot of irreligious |
rhymes by some person he calls |
Ruby OFT, and who Is no better than |
she should be, If you Judge by her
poetry"
Then Idaho has struck a new
book" says I, for the one he had |
was by man who writes under |
the nom de plume of K. NJ"
He'd better have stuck to it,"
says Mrs. Sampson. whatever it
vas. And today he caps the vortex.