davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
os--------- ------------------ LUKE M'LUkE SAYS

A man could have small foot, too, if he had sense enough to move the heel of his shoe over into the middle of the shoe.
 If men profited by their mistakes they wouldn't make anything but mis- takes.
 After looking at some of the things other girls marry, why do girls inn agine that it is such a terrible thing to be an old maid? A smart wife can easily guess where her husband spent the night by the way he tries to prove that he wasn't there.
 A man makes so much fuss over his pipe clogging up that you would think it was the house burning down.
 A man will spend eight hours a day yelping that luck is against him. And then he wonders why he hasn't any luck.
 As soon as young thing discovers that 9 man is married she quits vamp- ing him and tries to offend him.
 It has just about gotten so that a princess can't go to the corner grocery for her mother unless she puts on enough paint to change the color of an automobile.
 When a girl marries. she feels su- iperior to the other girls in the neigh borhood. But she doesn't feel that way long.
 A woman has to be awfully tired of her husband when she can't get any pleasure out of quarreling with him.
 It Is getting so that people pay no more attention of the bonds of matri- mony than they would to oil stock.
 The reason a girl doesn't mind being built like a half-starved shad is be- cause she knows that she Is svelte.
 The honeymoon ends the day he dis covers that her golden tresses are notn- ing but red hair.
 You may have noticed that the, 50- cent prune doesn't taste a bit better than 1t used to when It was only 10 cents.
 No man ever got so important and so essential that he wasn't afraid at times of losng his job.
 What has become of the Q. f. dude who used to get arreDted for speeding because he drove . livery horse and buggy no miles an hour?
 Once in while you run into polite emplOye. But he doesn't hold his job long. He is always promoted
 A little dose of diversity would do some men good. A few nights on park bench will cure man of kick ing about the hard bed he has at home.
 Why does fat teamster always sit op the end of the wagon seat whom he would be more comfortable in the mid- dle7
 Copyright. 1921,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Bay State Manufacturers
 to Visit Birmingham
# < '

ID IRMINGHAM learns with pleas ID ure that on April 1 it is to be host to large part of the members of the Associated Industries of Mas sachusetts. That organization con- sists of 1,500 of the leading manufac- turers and industrial leaders of the Bay State. They are just the kind of men whom we wish to become bet ter acquainted with and have better acquainted with us.
 The visitors will find in business here men from their own and adjoin- ing states who have succeeded and been assimilated into the social and political life of the state and dis trict. They will discover that there is very little difference between Americans, wherever they are found. They will see that there is nothing wrong about the south except what misconception has painted.
 The trade relations of this district and New England are stronger than many are aware. This is largely due to the connection between New Eng land and South Atlantic and gulf ports, especially the former. Not only does this district receive a large quantity of manufactured goods from Boston and other New England ports, but in the past year especially we did very large pig iron business with Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Connecticut through Savannah and Brunswick; such large and con- tinuous business, in fact, that one large Birmingham iron maker final ly secured a storage pig iron yard at Providence for the better distribu-
  tion of his product in that section.
 The Massachusetts party will come here after a trip to Mexico and Texas, returning via New Orleans. Their tour should be of great service to them by reason of what they see for themselves of the places visited and the more correct impressions which they form by having used their own eyes ard not the borrowed spectacles of others.
 Birmingham will be benefited, be- cause it, has advantages worth the attention of the visitors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
scif-Iove is not so vile sin As seIf-neglect'ug. Henry V.
 #. # #
Germany Can Meet
 Demand of Allies

1T T was to have been expected that U Germany would loudly protest against the indemnity of 226,000,- 100000 gold marks fixed by the su- preme council of the allies. The same despairing cries would have been heard if the price she must pay for making war on the world had been reduced by third or a half. Ger many does not want to pay anything That is the real source of her com plaints. She started to whine when bluffing and arrogance would no longer serve her purpose.
 Extension of the time for payment to 42 years is big concession, but that, of course, carries no weight with nation which is trying to avoid the penalty for the worst crime ever committed against civilization.
 The allies are standing firmly to- gether and there is little likelihood that any further qualifications will be permitted. Judgment has been passed and Germany must submit. She will soon bow to the inevitable and make the best of the situation. There is, in fact, no other course for her to follow.
 The news that comes from Ger many indicates a tremendous indus trial reorganization. The same quali- ties which made the German people formidable competitors against Eng land in the world markets have sur vived the war. The Germans are ! working and the longer they work the more rapidly will the country re turn to a sound economic basis. The indemnity fixed by the allies is enor- nous, but it is not too great, and is less than the war cost the allied nations.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
THE DIAPER DOCTOR

curative or aggravating effects, &C., cording to the way in which 1t is used. It is matter of common Knowledge that sorrow. anxiety or worry can kill as surely as pneumonia or acute indi- gestion, and that mental causes have a direct physical effect. Cheerfulness is as effective tonic as any com- pounded in the chemists Laboratory, and will power, when reused to act, is sometimes positive restorative. The theory of gay consulting sounns with jazzy literature and lively doc- tors is not one to be lightly scorned-
 But all the natural remedies have their limit The enthusiastic a3~sca4es of the doctors office as meen oa cheer may Ind themselves soecsA ta draw tho line at tho deuttsts suan. No amount of artistic greens xnd Aauea and pinks in walls and cArpeta. 10 Hood of wit and thrfn of fiction In eazrant bursts of color in b0W1s and unsaD a flowers, no unceasing snxlna n the face bent above tho operating eAa&r. no skilffu1 devfsuafisatinn sf fAo fn- struments of teefnrs eAA suGgan3 tA the tinsling nsrves of ths pAtsane sAar light. if ono will but think sA psyehol- ogy is all right In it's myntie control of physiology. but it has not yet evolved the philosophy which ean easo the toothache.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
THE TEXAN WHO HANGS ON From the Arkansas Gazette.

From tno AIkonSdS dazette.
 About two years ago . Texan was swindled out of s45.ooo by five crooks. The money represented the savings of a lifetime. The crooks, after trim ming the sucker" fled.
 Usually the flight of the crooks is the end of the chapter in crimes of thls kind. But this Texan is unusual After he discovered that he had been swin- died he took his son from college. and
 le and his boy made their chief work the capture of the swindlers. Two were run down some time ago. and are now doing time in the Texas peniten- tiary. A third committed suicide. 4 few days ago the fourth was captured. When the officers started to Texas with him he escaped through . window of 2 fast moving train. but he wal recap tured and he Is in Texas now. Where ever the fifth one. Is, he Is unsafe. and he knows 1t. Always he, looks for the avsnging Texan. Always he fears the strong grasp Of big hand. He h ! hunted and | haunted man.
 There is lesson here for police of ficers and for the courts of the land. That lessen is certainty of pnnishment. The law should be inexorable. If the criminal knew that 70 long as he lived the law would bs after him fearlesuly and tirelessly and that pun ishment would be as certain 1o ysars or 50 years after the crime as two months or one year after it thers would Do fewer eriminals. Hut ws are . busy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
AIRPLANE PASSENGERS

From the Miami (Fla.) Herald Why do people flY?
 Would you care for a spin in the air so much as to spend $15 for a 20 min utes' flight? If so. what is your mo- tive?
 Interviewing a half dozen commercial aviators along Miami's water front on this subject brought the following facts to light:
 About 60 per cent of all passengers carried on the short 20 minutes sight seeing flights are women.
 According to aviators the types to whom scraping the clouds appeals are
 The wealthy man-tbe business man. He wants to see what flying is like. He sees the future of commercial aviation. The short flight offers also novel method of entertaining friends.
 The sport" He flies for the ex- citement of the thing. He usually in- sist on stunt flying. Then. too. an oc- casional flight provides way of dem onstrating to his friends his sporting self.
 The average man. He finds in the short flight at SIS for himself or $25 for himself and companion method of realizing the thrill and pleasures of the air. He is presented with an op- portunity of realizing an overwhelming desire at a minimum expense.
 The large percentage of women pas- sengers is considered something of . slap at those reveling< in the thought that women were too timid to fly. Ac- cording to pilots. in most cases women accept an offer of an aerial spin on the direct dare of their masculine com panion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01

MT. Schwab is useful citizen and a patriotic one. There are dozens of Schwabs in America who rest under the. stigma of having accumulated millions. For that reason, and no other, they are the targets for petty abuse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Renl Salesmanshin

The women who have been collect ing poll taxes in the downtown stores must be splendid saleswomeri," said James F. Hawkins, county tax collec- tor, "as several women paid their en- franchisement tax twice.
 This was brought to my attention . few days ago when two women came into my office at the courthouse with two poll tax receipts, stating that they had paid their taxes but paid them again to the women soliciting in the stores. Of course we took up one but it takes real salesmanship to sell a person something that they already have"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
lt Is Not Impossible for
 MiIlionaires to Be Honest

 fg0 AVS Labor, Charley Schwab has nO been very voluble on the sub ject of how he got his first dollar, { but he'll probably have less to say about how he secured some of his later ones."
 This paragraph is characteristic of < the attacks made every day on American business men by irresponsi- ble publications and individuals. How many persons who make such state ments either know or care whether they are true? If one were to be- lieve what he hears in the street or reads in print he would think that every man who has won success in the business world is thief.
 In the arts and professions it is possible to achieve eminence without < incurring the charge of dishonesty. A great lawyer, great doctor or an eminent author, for instance, is ac- oopted on his merits. Nobody be- 1ieves that because he has reached the top he is dishonest. Quite the < contxary. He is given credit for the ixidustry and ability that lifted him kqye mediocrity.
 Int in business, it--is quite diff 6k&ut story. The history of every I6der in American business is one
 thrift, hard work and efficiency. ! <k6r6 gre dishonest captains of in- dstxy and crooked bankers, just as
 <o are black sheep in all profes- but the American idea that \ szy millionaire is crook is an in. < lt to our own intelligence.
 IT. schwsb is just case in point.
 S eareer is one in which his fell
 tizens ought to take pride. It
 Qbat can be accomplished in
 pptxy by simply going to work
 ll6 65nfIy and staying on the job.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
A BAD BEGINNING

Your new salesman didn't last long"
 No brains"
 "Eh?"
 "The first thing he did was to call on one of our best customers and park a lighted cigarette on $500 mahogany desk"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01

which President Wilson IS to write on these peace negotiations. That it will be scholarly goes without say ing. The Presidents previous works on history prove him masterful in analyzing and presenting pivotal characteristics of nations. In telling what occurred at Paris, what led up to it and what the conference re- suited in he will give the world panorama of superlative events in which he participated as chief figure and which were largely the creation of his own brain. It should be wonderfully interest ing work. The President is too broad to endeavor to make of it weapon for the punishment of petty politi- clans. If some of them vince at what he writes it will be their conscience which hurts, not what the President says. The President owes it to the world to write this history. Not only those who agree with him, but those who disagree, know that he can tell that great story as no other can. * # # Trotzky's relatives are said to be wearing some of the Russian crown jewels. A weakness for diamonds when procurable--is not a new mani festation of the proletariat. # # x The newspaper correspondents trail ing MT. Harding are finding themselves in the position of the small town jour nalist with nothing to write about.
 # # # In taking up arms for the lord may or of Cork, Senator Reed is playing true to form. His slogan is, Anything to swat the Wilson administration"
 < as #
 A considerable number ot eoloreA brothers who are looking forward ts four soft years in Washington are go- ing to be disappointed.
 x * < There are 50o,o00 college students iA America, making it imperative that clothing manufacturers continue ts turn out snappy suits.
 * # #
 Robert Lansing's book will make in- teresting reading for gentleman who will be out of the White House when it appears.
 Captain Wellington Streeter, Chica- go's most belligerent citizen. has been laid to rest and will never again re- ceive a dispossess notice.
 * * *
 An English medium says the spirit of Cleopatra is pestering him. Cleo in- forms him she is still in torment. That part. at least, sounds reasonable.
 # # #
 Once more the glad tidings are flashed around the world that the reds are doomed. The headline writers win kindly pardon eur skepticism.
 ss x x
 If Gil Chesterton cares to write | scathing chapter or two on hotel pi- rates in America, more power to his elbow!
 The great fight may be staged in Canada. That will enable fight fans ts get the necessary stimulants prior te the battle
 When a free poet yearns to be sum beam, gosh, we wish she were. There's joy in sunbeam, but none to speak of in free verse.
 And there was a time when we actu- ally pointed with pride to our dollar-a- year men.
 * * *
 Grover Cleveland Bergdoll had better stay in Germany. where he is not ap- preciated at his true value.
 * * #
 The Shadow is pretty name for yacht. Does it suggest anything in particular. we wonder, to MT. Harding?
 *. * <
 The newest outburst of outraged womanhood: The lips that touch cigarettes shall never touch mine"
 F F
 Texas has joined California in rub ping the Jap the wrone
 AIRPLANE PASSENGERS From the Miami (Fla.) Herald. Why do people fly?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
PRACTICALLY SOFT

PRACTICALLY SOFT What's the alcoholic content of this 'home-brew'?" "Its not great enough for a con- noisseur of 'moonshine' to notice" Tn other wordsT' About 20 per cent"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
BRIEF REFORM

What sort of woman is Mrs. Cad der?"
 The usual kind, believe"
 "Yes?"
 After the, monthly bills come in and she's had a heart-to-heart talk with Mir. Calder she practices strict econ omy for 24 hours"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01

people. and we forget eu1eklyl @ tt1G, works for the lawbseaheE.
 Hsre's hoping the TexaA ests Ai9 fifth man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
HELPLESS AUToCRAT

HELPLESS AUTOCRAT "One of life's little ironies was re- vealed in the court of domestic rela- tions this morning. What was it?-
 "A traffic policeman who probably regulates the conduct of 5e,0o0 peo- pie day said he couldn't make his wife behave"
 SPoILING EVERYTHING "The Wappings have a new car. ? see"
 'Yes, but Mrs Clipping fs tnakfnx some of the edge off Mrs. wapring's triumph" Flows thatr' 'she's going about tho nsisAbor- hood whispering the hatefui wos,a 1.- stallments.'"
 THE LANDING PRo1EE1a o Miser Birdman. a-satl1n' khse da
 sky, You.ve got ter keep a-gotue an. yuu
 do not dare tor stop: Your wings giint in dc golden sun an
 you are very spry. But whut you gwine ter do. 2h,
 when it comes yo' time ter drops
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
A LONG WAY OFF m the ArkansaW Gaxette.

A college professor predicts a food shortage in z100. If the wolf is that far from his door. lot of sympathy has been wasted on professors that belonged to newspaper mon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Economical Except as
 to Free Garden Seed

"A VERY economical House-at EA least one that in spots appears to be so-has decided in favor of an appropriation of $36O,O0O so that congressman will be able to send plenty of free garden seed to each of their constituents.
 The same House voted down an appropriation of $10,OOO for contin- uance of experiments in an effort to destroy insects and eliminate diseases that last year cost the peach grow CTS of Georgia many millions of dol lars. A lot of seed of very little use to the recipients is to be distributed free to get votes for congressman, while pests are destroying millions of dollars worth of the property of those to whom the seed are sent.
 The committee cut out the seed ap- propriation because the fund hereto fore appropriated would provide only 10000 packages for each congress- man. This was not deemed suffi- cient, so the committee thought it best to cut it all out. The House thereupon raised the appropriation to $360,000 so that there would be seed in abundance for votes.
 The time will come when the American people will demand a stop page of this utter nonsense. The free distribution of seed does little or no good because most of it is use- less to the recipient, while the same amount of money spent annually in elimination of farm pests would eradicate or keep them all under con- trol.
 The American people gre going to eventually repudiate all forms of largess as wasteful and unite in a demand for that which is of perma- nent value, such as federal aid for roads, fighting field and garden pests, education and the like.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
ADRIFvT WITH THE TIMES
FIRST AND LAST

IINo AND LApI As we battle through this life, With it's heartache and it's strife, There's thought that ought to so.
 lace every pain, For, whatever gods there be, They'll not call on you and me To shoulder arms and go through it
 again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Great Man Is to
 Write Great History

NN THATEvER part this country
 WV takes in the League of Ma tions, it remains the outstanding con- sequence of the World war and the determining factor in reshaping the European continent.
 Whatever form the league finally takes and the connection we may or may not have with it, the Paris peace conference that is the biggest peace conference in history and Wilson as the dominant parsonage there and the paramount influence in forming the league is the man who should write it's history.
 Americans and Europeans will
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
THE WATCHER

Because he had a wistful way of look ing at the sky Men wondered what strange thoughts were in his mind, i But had they paused and questioned l him instead of passing by, 1 They would have learned that he who gazed was blind.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
As to Dog Tax

People who really love dogs should not grumble about having to pay a H. ccnse for them, as I do not believe there is another animal in the world aa faithful as a dog" says A. G. An derson. People should also be care full about saying such things as all dogs should be killed, they are liable to go mad Some dog owner who really loves his dogs might take ex- ception to the remarks and trouble fol- low.
 T don't mind paying the license. I have already bought tags for four dogs. But I do hate that kind of a person who grumbles about everything under the sun, whether he knows what he is talking about or not"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Getting Results

Money isn't so tight now, and it ought to help building a great deal" said George R. Stanton.
 T know of a man who tried his best to buy a home recently, but he was unable to, because he could not raise the down payment necessary by a small second mortgage
 Just last week he succeeded in get ting his home. The turn in financial matters means a great deal to the building industry. and everywhere there is widespread comment on the efficient manner by which the federal reserve board has controlled the hap hazard investments in wildcat se- curities"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
HARD TO CONVINCE

HARD TO CONVINCE
 "A man may look like a statesman and still be dub" remarked the dis gruntled citizen.
 I'm not denying that" said Senator Snortsworthy. What makes me doubt the wisdom of the plain people is the fact that it sonnet times takes tho con- stituents of that kind of office holder 20 years to get his number"
 WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR -Dr. Pillers seems to have a larger practice than ever"
 "1t's the way he prescribes.-
 What does he tell all his wealthy and fashionable patients?"
 N
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
Extreu,es


 tI was coming down town the other morning and picked up a neighbor in my car" said J. Motion Smith, "a1ld the question of overcoats came up. He remarked that he had misjudged the weather and had put on coat that was too heavy for the day. It deve1- oped that he had four different weights of overcoats.
 Tt brought to my mind, one of my chums, good dresser, man of means, and by no means a close man, but who for some unknown cause is rather proud of the fact that since he became of age he has never had but one overcoat. He is not much given to wearing overcoats, being something like the true Scotsman, but when the thermometer gets low you can see him in his favorite, and only one, and he does not care a continental whether it's the latest mode or not"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-02-01
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Forgot where He was

"The visit. of Vice President Coolidge to Atlanta reminds me of an incident in connection with the visit of Vice President Fairbanks to Birmingham some years ago." said Commissioner |J. R. Hornady.
 MT. Fairbanks had been invited to. attend a meeting of the conference of the Methodist Episcopal church. south,
 then in session in Birmingham. and make an address to the members. When the time came for his speech,
 the Vice President got up and in a laundering voice proclaimed My friends and fellow republicans.' A litter ran through the audience and MT. Fairbanks paused in perplexity,
 waited a moment and then repeated, My friends and fellow republicans A hearty burst of laughter greeted this second start. Seeing his mistake, and remembering suddenly where he was, the Vice President threm back his head and laughed with the crowd"