davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
The One and Only Reason
For Biggest Navy AfOat

the Central Empires consisted of
England, France, Russia and Japan
-one monarchy, one republic, and
the two worst and most despotic
autocracies the world has ever seen.
To speak of the subjects of the
Gar and the Mikado as "free peo-
pies" is ridiculous.
And in subjugating, exploiting
and hardly and cruelty ruling
weaker peoples, the so-called demo
cratic governments of England and
France have a worse record in the
eighteenth and nineteenth centuries
than even the japanese and the de-
funct Russian despotisms.
Sensible men are not deceived by
catch phrases or by simulated virtue.
They look facts in the face and esti-
mate them as they are. And they
judge the future by the past.
That is why sensible men are pro-
foundly convinced that we Ameri-
cans should build and maintain a
navy capable of defending our land
against the assaults of any one or
any two or any other number of
these notoriously greedy, exploiting,
untrustworthy European and Asiatic
governments, which have all bank
rupted themselves in a badly calcu-
lated attempt to steal from one an
other, and whose fleets and armies
would be headed toward America
any time they were sure they could
plunder our land of its riches with
out too much loss to themselves.
The time to disarm our sea de-
fenses will be the time when Japan
and the principal European powers
restore the possessions and the iber-
ties of the weak peoples, and reduce
to a minimum their own huge arm
les and powerful fleets.
Until that time we should build
ships and ships and ships, till we
have the biggest navy afloat.
That is our only insurance policy,
and it is worth the price.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
\ ISARMAMENT will not prevent
war. Neither will ornaments.

war. Neither will ornaments.
The only reason for our nation
maintaining great naval armament
is not to prevent war, but to prevent
invasion and defeat in case of war.
Wars will not cease until strong
nations, of their own accord, cease
to hold weaker peoples in subjection.
Whenever England, France, Italy
and Japan are ready to let the
people of Ireland, Egypt, India,
Morocco, Algiers, Alsace-Lorraine,
Cochin China, Korea, Eastern ST.
IBERIA, Shantung, Mongolia, Man
churia and other conquered depend
encies have liberty and independ-
ence, the end of wars will be in
sight.
Even the clergy and the ladies
will then cease to shout for joy over
the killing, manning and starvation
of millions of men, women and chill
dren in some other land, because
there will be no wholesale slaughter
of human beings to stir the wor-
shippers of the Prince of Peace to
delight and frenzy. :,
Governments make wars to gain
territory, trade and power. Once the
principal governments renounceH that
kind of profiteering wars will cease.
Until that time the only safety for
rich nation from attack and spolia-
ton is prepared defense.
The principal governments of the
world are rich and powerful because
they have been successful thieves of
other peoples liberties and posses
sions.
Our associates in the late war are
not bit better in this respect than
were our enemies.
Talk of the war having been a war
between autocracy and "the free
peoples" is no longer in fashion even
in England, whence our war styles
of talk came.
The original combination against
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
The Flag to
Fly in y. S.
NLERGYMEN are not at their
best when talking politics, and

pest When talking pontlcs, ana
no one who has brought to
America all the national prejudices
and feelings of the country in which
he was born can speak for Americans
or faithfully represent them.
We are moved to say this by the
message which Bishop Manning, of
New York, asked the Rotarian dele
gates to carry to England.
The purport of that message is
that Americans are devoted to Eng
land; that we are all gratifed for the
protection England gave America
during the war, and that we will all
unite to punish any one who objects
to flying England's s flag over Amer
lean gatherings.
The right reverend bishop is
thoroughly mistaken if he believes
that all Americans, or a majority of
Americans, feel that way.
We all of us desire good relations
with England and all other nations,
but millions of Americans, not of
Irish descent, look upon England s
treatment of Ireland with disgust
and anger; look with disapproval
upon England's policy of conquest
and military tyranny in Ireland, con-
tinued for centuries and never worse
than now; look upon England's open
and secret alliances with Japan with
suspicion.
Also there is not one American in
ten who does not strongly resent the
insolence Of some pro-British citizens
who wish to display that flag above
American gatherings, not as a mark
of courtesy or goodwill, but as an
emblem to which Americans owe
some sort of allegiance.
The flag to fly over Americans is
the one which has the forty-eight
stars on the blue field and the thir-
teen stripes Of red and white.
That is the only flag most Of us
want TO see raised on American sol
on days peculiarly American.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
(.ss1 -
ENCYCLOPEDIA BUNKANICA.

ENCYCLOPEDTA BUNKANTCA.
CRISIS Another victory for
Lloyd George.
PEDEsTRIAN-T undertsk-
er's delight.
Prohibition is a success. For
mer loafers are now working six
teen hours a day. They have to
in order to pay thirty adult E
Pluribus Unums a quart. Yep,
the boys seem more "stewdious."
Mr.. Carpenter opines that he
will knock His Royal Dempsey
ness cold because of superior in
telligence. II that's all that's
necessary, S01A Einstein can
whip both of tAem with one hand.
Summer is never really here
until you see the boys shaking
watermelon from their ears.
when a skinny man gives his
seat to a lady he is a gentleman.
But when a fat man gives up his
seat he is at least six times a
gentleman. That is, IL there's six
ladies standing.
Bill Price has been made a cap
tain. Funny, 1 always thought he
was a Kernel" like the rest of
us. PAUL WHITE.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
Wonders of the Sea.

Two examples OF the loving care of parent
hood in the open sea were given in recent lee
ture by Prof. Arthur Thomson. The nrst is that
OF the paper nautilus the most beautiful cradle
in the world made by the mother for the shelter
Of her young. The second ts the case OF the sea
horse, who carrIes the family eggs in a sort OF
breast pocket and goes hungry TIL they are
hatched. According To Prof Thomson the whole
OF the open sea fauna may be divided into two
classes-the swimmers and tho drifters. or the
hrst class, the whale is the best swimmer OF all;
IL stays the longest In the water, and takes the
longest breath OF all lung breathers
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
TABLE MANNERS.

Don't attempt The geOmctric
feat OF making square" meal
on ice-cream cones.
II your portion OF the steak is
tough. do not add to your hostess
embarrassment by "beefing" or
roasting" the cook.
Eating hot dogs without re-
moving the bark is no longer au
fait.
Peanuts are cracked with the
thumbs. 1t is a fox paw to con-
vey their kernels TO the mouth
with the ice pick. JOE CONK.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

What blessing In disguise IL Is
that true loVe never runs smooth.
II It Uere not for the little spGts
and rIisunderstandin0s there Could
HeUer be anything TO forgive ond
no making up. The daughters OF
Eve ,oouId be denied the street. eZ-
po,ierce Of broken hearts and t1ecp-
ing, and the sons OF Adam Uopld
miss the thyiH Of kissing Gt0av those
tears and ptending those poor little
broken hearts. II the htohtodys 10
the hearts Of the opposite ser OFFER
ed easy going all the ,0ay, surely
the trarelin0 tDouId be too tame for
most Of uS. r. j. SCHWAB.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
AN EGG PROBLEM.

II 100 eggs were placed in
line, exactly a yard from one an
other. and the first yard from a
basket, what distance OF ground
does the man go who gathers up
these hundred eggs singly, re-
turning with each egg to the oss-
L., PANAMA.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

| Judge from what | see in the
column that the Office Goat can
take" a joke:
Though famed. and Of note,
Our old Office Goat
Dwells in regions remote
DER his triumphs to gloat.
All the fans wrote
or jingles and jokes
Went down his throat,
Causing him to blost. .
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

Average plot for summer
novel: Blakely Gildersleeve,
handsome lootenant in navy,
is accused OF pslming olives
at officers banquet He re-
signs his membership in
Nv York Aquarium. Hirer
a taxicab which is wrecked
in South Sea Island. Meets
beautiful high-caste Hindu
girl. He falls in love at
first sight but takes second
look. Her uncle is cellar
pirate, disguised as plumb
er. The female of the speak
easy is more deadly than the
male. They are going to
hang most of Gildersleeve's
neck to palm trees they sing
about, when suddenly
Boom Boom! Boom!
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

Chemists say that opium is
made from poppies, and yet the
reformers permitted that beau
tifuI flower to be used for Deco
ration Day emblems without
protest!
JULES BACKENHEIMER
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered U. g. Patsat ofsc&
n
BY X. c. B.

AND HE got mad.
AND SAID to her.
ng ITS A mighty funny
thing.
THAT YOU'VE got
to hide 'em.
WHEN YOU put 'em
away"
ng. AND ANYWAY.
IS. THEY HAD a terrible
fight.
"u AND HE went away.
or WITHOUT HIS
breakfast.
AND SHE tore a dish
rag.
ALL TO pieces.
! AND SAID she
'ck' wouldn't be there.
WHEN HE came
back.
t AND AFTER a while.
SHE GAVE up crying.
AND DARNED all his
er. socks.
of AND FIXED the
bureau drawer.
y so EVERYTHING
showed.
AND HAD a good
dinner.
WHEN HE came
home.
AND CALLED on us.
AND TOLD us
about it.
AND WE all of us
laughed
AND HAD a game of
bridge.
AND THE moral is.
IF YOU'RE going to
be silly.
GO AHEAD and be
silly.
AND FORGET
about it.
l THANK YOU.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
NO GOLD IN FRANCE.

For the frst tims In his
tory not a single gold coin
was struck at the French
mint In 1920, Tho minting
Of silver. continued at the
beginning Of the year, was
stopped whom silver reached
n record price on February
IL.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
WHO REMEMBERS

who remembers the old beer saloon
Where you used to 60 in the month OF June
And stick your foot on a brass rail
Or carry the suds home in a pail.
While the hurdy-gurdies played song
And nothing in all the world seemed
wrong?
OH the suos in the pitcher, glass or bowl
TOUGHEST the very bottom OF the soul.
EDWARD ]. IRVINE.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
,rcr,pr ron BALD HEAD.

what's sood for bald hesds' why plenty
The more or " you've got of it, the more you've
r,. xsV ' you transplant it, you just take
nj. hole in your bald nut and put hair
II vour brain is all right the hair will take
But IL they're not solid. you'll nnd on your
A xruinUIike molester on a ny that's half
Now In a doctor that cannot be beat.
: wo,'t take a cent for this useful receipt,
That in twenty-five minutes viii make the
hair trow .x
From the bald headed head Of mother
TAX. a handful OF sugar, a hstful of lard
Two pIums and a cookie. soft bread very
, mint of raw whiskey, two ounces of lead.
a "a n.gt take a pigtail from a Chinsman's
>sow, tsSS a potato and chop 1t in two,
And throw the whole thing in big pot OF
TAX, = broomstick and stir it as hard as
Rut .cc that the steam don't escape from
the pan. ~
Won NV take the whiskers from a wander
And scatter them around on your nut Just
like vamp,
And Ri bet you a dollar ss long as they're
there. a., =, ,.
Inc hair RENE.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

Hubby had a queer dream last
night. my dear. | thought | saw an
other man running Off with you.
Wihe-And what did you say?
Hubby--I asked him what he was
running for. J. V. B.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

Publishers are putting out
nice. cool books with B. V.
ID. plot Well ventilated char
acters. Folks don't like TO
think much in hot weather.
Summer literature is insur-
ance against brain fever.
Just right stun for idiot in
hammock.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
THE COST OF ROYALTIES.

Tho British empire pays
81. $50, 900 yearly to the King
and queen, $3.50, 900 to Alex
andra. $4,000 to Princess
Christian, S125, 900 to the
Duke OF Connaught. and
other sums, making a total
OF S3.Os0,0oo.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

Boys, we are saved.
The incest part about sum-
mer book is that II is so
easy to close II. Plot is
about as thick as lace cur
tain. But nobody wants
heavy stuff. Pipe old man
with full set of white whis-
kers hobbling into Juvenile
department OF public library
and asking for Horstio Al
ger, jr.
Einstein plays with alpha
betical building blocks dur
ing warm spell
Edison reads Mother
Goose in June. July, August.
Only asks questions in win
ter.
Seems that only heavy
reading folks want in hot
weather is on prescriptions
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
TROxELL,s LINE PUZZLE.

The fans who unraveled william
F. Troxelrs line puzzle found it 20
contain this:
ITO Peggy Bee from W. F. T.
When Adam Dug and Eve Span
They were a happy wife and man
And this continued quite a while
Until they tried to put on style
And busted Eden as you bet
It's busting lots of Edens yet"
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

A lot of guys in Sing Sing
didn't go crazy over Benjamin
Franklin during thrift week.
Ben was the gent who discovered
electricity. YE LOONE.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
swers to the "anagrammatica

Answers to the "anagrammatical
automobiles" were from ]. c. j..
Alexandria, and Clergyman" and
the machines are: Jordan. Chandler,
Scripps Booth, Dixie Flyer, Oldsmo-
bile, Apperson, Paige-Detroit, EN-
pire, Hudson, Chalmers, Chevrolet,
Lexington, Cadillac, Overland, Dodge,
Mitchell, Maxwell, Columbia, Stude-
baker, Haynes.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
Mr.. B. Baer
SUMMER READING.
Copyright. 1871. by Star Co.

Education seems to be di-
vided into seasons around
this neck -of-the-jungle. Liter
ature turns from red-fian-
nelly romances OF firesides
to porous-knit love at sea-
side.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
Arabian Proverbs.

A desperate man becomes
aggressive, just as a cat at
bay will fly at a dog.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07
wELI.-INEORMED.

Uncle Ed-Why Johnnie you don't
swear, do you?
Johnnie-No, indeed out KNOW
all the words.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

Patience is the key of
glory.
Think of going out before
you enter.
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

1T STARTED.
IN THE bedroom.
AND HE was dressing.
AND SHE in the
kitchen.
GETTING HIS
breakfast.
AND HE was looking.
FOR A pair of socks.
AND COULDN'T find
them.
AND CALLED to her.
WHATEVER have
you done.
WITH ALL my
socks ?"
AND SHE called back.
THEY'RE in the
drawer.
WHERE they ought
to be-"
AND HE stood there.
AND YELLED at her.
THEY'RE nothing of
the sort"
AND SHE said they
were.
AND HE said they
weren't.
AND SHE came in.
AND WENT to the
drawer.
AND UNDER some
handkerchiefs.
SHE FOUND the
socks.
AND SAID to him.
IT'S A funny thing.
THAT A full-grown
man.
CANT FIND a pair
of socks.
THAT ARE staring
right at him.
"FROM A bureau
drawer"
The Washington times., 1921-06-07

It's the battleship Oregon
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
UNDERaoEs SERIOUS OPERATION

Chris. Meisner, who has worked about
Glenwood at blacksmithing and plumb
ing, and many other forms of labor,
for the past several years, was recently
taken to the county hospital suffering
from frozen feet
While living in cabin near the old
cave he gave out the word that he
wanted to die. Neighbors who sought
to aid in making him comfortable
were turned away and their good Off
ces spurned by the unfortunate man,
who declared that life was no longer
attractive to him. Taking this view
of life, Meisner exposed himself until
both of his feet were badly frozen.
About a week ago physicians gave
up all hope of saving the feet, and the
man was brought to the Glenwood
sanitarium, where last Monday both
feet were amputated. While the am
putation was severe shock to Chris,
he is now doing nicely, and the pros
poets are that he will recover, and pos
sibly take more rosy view of life
than heretofore.
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
FURTHER PROOF THAT
GOOD BLOOD PAYS.

Buster and Mike are two steers that
win be on exhibition at the National
Western Stock show. Buster was the
gyand champion steer in the junior
feeding contest at the 1919 Information
al Livestock show. The judges declared
him to be the best type and to have the
best steer-producing qualities Of any Of
the forty steers shown.
Mike was a big-boned four-year-old,
coming from an ordinary corn-belt feed
lot, and for eighty days had enjoyed
the privilege of the grain bunk and
clover rack.
Both steers made their final journey
to Chicago the first week of December,
Buster, only 10 months of age, crossed
the scales at 1870 pounds. Mike, ON the
other hand, for all his four years of
age, weighed only 1156 pounds. Buster
was auctioned off to Armour & Co. at
the special International sale at zoe
per pound. Steers Of similar quality
commanded II 1-2 cents the same day.
Mike sold on the open market and
brought his feeder II 1-2 cents per
pound.
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
CARE OF FARM EQUIPMENT
DURING COLD WEATHER PAYS.

Much of the loss and annoyance
caused by breakage of farm equipment
may be avoided by careful inspection
and repair of weak parts before the
season S rush begins.
The proper time for making repairs
is during the winter and at times when
the regular farm work is not urgent.
specialists of the United States Depart
ment of Agriculture say. AS the sea-
son advances, implements which will
be needed for the next farming opera
lions should be gone over and given
any attention required to make them
ready for immediate use. If the farm
machinery is not properly housed dur
ing periods of disuse, it is all the more
important that it should be given n
careful overhauling~ After inspecting
an implement, tightening bolts, and
Strengthening weak parts, besides re-
newing broken pieces, the necessary
painting should be done. Frequent ap-
plications of dark metallic paint, con-
sisting either of red lead or venetian
red and raw linseed oil, not only i'm
prove the appearance of farm imple-
ments. but add greatly to their dura-
billty.
This is an age when appearances
count, and farmers standing in the
community frequently is governed by
the appearance of his farm equipment.
The man who spends his spare moments
in the repair of fences and gates and
maintaining neat appearance of the
entire farm has better chance of be,
coming a leader in his community than
the man whose farm has a slovenly ap-
pearance.
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
vienna DEATH RATE
BECOMES APPALLING
Condition Of Children Even More
Narrowing, Declares Authority
on City's Desperate Plight.

Five years of famine have resulted
morbidity In Vienna which before the
war was counted as one of the health
lest cities In Europe. Figures prepared
by DIR. Gustave Bohn, head of the
Vienna Health Department. show that
Ii 1913 the deuth rate was 1853 per
thousand. In 1918 the rate was 22.5
per thousand, an increase of more than
Al per cent.
Professor Hans Spell of the Uni
verslty of Vienna, says that "even
more terrible than the mortality sta
tistics are those referring to the con-
dtion of children and their mothers.
Owing to under-nourishmen few moth
ers can nurse their babies, and the milk
shortage affects not only infants, but
all children in spite of Al that has
been done to help. At Professor
Clemens Plrquet's clinic In the uni
versity some $3.50 children were ex-
amined In 1918. Only 1887 of these
or about one-thirteenth were passed as
skin good. fat good, 23,609 were pale
and thin, or very pale and very thin.
1.-The health of these children shows
most disgusting features. Skin disease,
rachitls and Barlow's disease are rife.
1.-THE chief medical officer Of Vienna
asks. What is going to happen to these
under-fed children, In whose bodies the
germ Of tuberculosis Ii latent, when
they reach the twenties. at which time
1t becomes activef"
To combat these conditions tho Amer
lean Relief Administration of which
Herbert Hoover Is chairman fed last
winter in the city Of Vienna some
100000 of the destitute and under
nourished children, supplying them
with substantial meal Of American
food, served In 4 number of large
kitchens opened for that purpose.
The conditions In Vienna are more
or less typical of those in Poland and
other countries Of Central and Eastern
Europe. Last year the Relief Admin
istratton was able to reach some $780,
600 under-nourlshed children and this
winter the program calls for the feed
ing of like number, but eight Of the
great charitable organizations Of
America have united under the name
Of the European Relief Council. Of
which Mr.. Hoover 10 the chairman.
The child feeding task will be carried
on not only by the American Relief Ad-
ministration but by the American Red
Cross, the American Friends Service
Committee (Quakers), the Jewish Joint
Distribution Committee, the Federal
Council of the Churches of Christ in
America, the Knights Of Columbus, the
Y. II. c. A. and Y. w. G. A. An ap-
peal for SSS OOO 900 has been made and
the organizations named have Joined
In raising the sum.
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
LAUGHTER OF CHILD
SCARCE IN POLAND

in all the time l was In Poland,
scarcely once saw child laugh"
declared DR. Harry Plotz, discovercr Of
the typhus bacillus, In q report to
the European Relief Council on med
zeal conditions among the Jewish popu-
Iation of Poland, based on his recent
investigations there for the Jewish
Joint Distribution Committee.
THE most deplorable sight Of all
the miseries in Poland is the condi-
ton Of the children" Dr. Plotz said.
Infant mortality is exceedingly high
because of under-nourishment and the
high percentage Of contagious diseases
In large part mothers must resort to
artificial feeding as they are unable to
nurse their children: In many cities
/ saw underfed children, suffering with
diseases, wandering about the streets
with no place to go, begging for bread"
tuberculosis has become prevalent
among the Jewish children, largely
due to the overcrowded conditions In
which they are forced to live, their
clothing. according to DR.. Plotz.
Typhus, which killed thousands Of
Jews last winter In the worst epidemic
Poland has ever seen Will recur again,
he said, as conditions are much worse
among the Jews than ever before.
"Favus, n contagious skin disease.
10 now rapidly spreading from child
to child" he continued. "In wilma
there are 1000 cases among the Jew
fish children alone. Smallpox, too. Is
prevalent throughout Poland and the
Ukraine Ind children. with wide
spread eruptiOns and temperature,
have been seen running about the
streets. There are thousands Of cases
every year. which vaccination would
prevent, but there ID no vaccine"
DR.. Plotx told how In Lithuanian
villages he found children. six and
seven years old, unable to walk or
talk, the result Of malnutrition. In
regions where whole towns had been
destroyed during the war. he found
families crowded In miserable dug
outs.
The Glenwood post., 1921-01-15
In Algerian BazaArs.

Cobbled steps mark the ways Of the
Moors in the. Kasbah, the native quar-
ter Of Algeria, and once the traveller
leaves the streets where street cars
clang and Europeans. walk. he must
climb. Pepperpods and onions hang in
rosaries beside bazaars. Mosques are
hidden here and there In nests Of
houses, and cafes are open to the
street with the cultural gossip Of the
Arab drinkers and the click Of dom
inoes drifting outward.
Sandals Of leather, laced and filled
with golden threads. are made by
black-eyed Arab girls with long, soft
eyelashes. Some Of these girls are
only twelve years old, but married /;
and they sit on carpets, twittering
through their wells at passersby, mean
while embroidering deftly the things
they have to sell for gold.-Century
Magazine