Arizona republican., 1921-02-20
THE ONCE OVER
",EARI .EARtr

ra.
 nds, Romans, countrymen. lend ne your ears"
 the words of Mark Anthony. p,,. Tar as we know 'em;
 'ooay all the ladies it surely ap-
 pears
 "oulo have answered him Lend
 em! We can't even show em." opeal1ing of ears, and to them, it is ara oIed that the spring ear styles de- ha .nat auricular appendages may not n'. s required longer to remain in hiding T sontary confinement, as it were. 1o,,. De sure, they are not to be al "Su 10 come right out from ambush, bsleh-iike. America is becoming s", ny moral and is sensitive about h tnings. And besides you can't tell lSuat might happen to a lady's ear if s.Sr several years of concealment, it were suddenly exposed to the sunshine ,riah. aJ ar. The little thing might shrivel .snl up and drop off or swell up no s pop like q toy balloon, all depend hg upon conditions.
 1T sn ear should shrivel up and drop PIT, that would be bad enough. but think of the situation if it should merely shrivel, up and NOT drop off Or fancy one shrivelling up under sudden exposure to the suns rays and the one on the other side flourishing and growing like green bay tree, whatever that is!
 Or suppose only the ear on the sun ny side of the face showed any effects at all! A lady would just be driven to dividing up her day so that each ear got fiftyfifty division of sunshine. This is not jest; you can't tell what ears may do when they are suddenly released after years of suppression they are probably a good deal like minister's sons
 No, it would never do to just yank them right out from the un- derhrush. They will be brought forth to the public view a little at time say half a be this year and half a lobe next A sort of half a lobe, half a lobe, half lobe onward proceeding.
 The Ladies Hair Dressing associa- ton of America is responsible for the decision to grant both of milady's ears parole. The association simply had to do it. It couldn't think of a new stunt to work in hair-dresSing without bringing the coiffure around so as to hide the chin. and as 1t was obvious that the Bearded Lady style of hair dress ing would never appeal, the members were put in quite an awkward predica- ment.
 If Nature had designed women with three, or perhaps five ears &scatfered about the head it would Nbe different. But Providence was very parsimonious in this respect, and limited the allotment to two ears per person. The pity of it!
  Literally the hairdressers found themselves in the position of having no more ears to conquer. Hence the decision to let the ears of our women folk come out and flop in the breeze as of old to the inspiring tunes of that stirringly ''earoic" song, "Oh, say, can you seer"
 It even will be permissible to wear errings again. These will reassure men that what they see are really ears and not some strange uncatalogued growths.
 5 No society for the Suppression of S6rs has been organized up to press time today, nor had anything in the way of a constitutional amendment prohibiting ears been proposed,
 Prophet Wilbur Glen voliva of Zion City expressed himself as slightly shocked by the announcement. as did some of the Blue Law advocates.
 T am against the exposure of the feminine ear,' said Prophet Voliva. except in such cases as it is nee essary for the day to lift her coif- lure for the purpose of inserting an ear trumpet. I have always considered the human ear as vulgar and degrading anyhow. One ear is bad enough in it's effect upon so- ciety, bupt two ears how ter rible! l understand that in New York some shameless creatures not only expose their ears but WAC them. This has gotter bc stopped. The first thing you know the mod ern woman will be removing the paint and powder from her checks and exposing her FACE
 (Cries of "eart 'ear," from the list eners interrupted at this point.)
 The finest natural harbors on th' cast coast of Africa is at Zanzibar.