The New York herald., 1921-07-03
By DAN CAREY.

q Q much has been said in the news
papers about refusal to accept
- the position of Grand Marshal of the
Prohibition Enforcement Parade on July Q
that we have decided to make a public
statement of the reasons which guided us
III reaching this decision and at the same
time to express our appreciation of the
high honor that was conferred upon us.
In the first place we wish to make an
end of that rumor which has been given
so much prominence by the press which
suggested that our hardness in replying
to the invitation resulted from the failure
of the Post Office Department to deliver the
letter promptly. Such was not the case.
The letter reached us within forty EIGHT
hours after it had been mailed and as it
had fully three miles to travel that was
very good time.
Our reason for delaying in making reply
to the invitation was that we sought time
to reflect. Until we were invited to lead
as Grand Marshal we had not thought of
going into the Prohibition Enforcement
Parade at ALL Naturally, therefore,
were somewhat surprised that we should
be selected. Our main reason for refusing
is sound and no suggestion has been adj
vanccd so far which prompts us to change
our minds.
We believe that the position of Grand
Marshal should be offered to some one less
movement There are so many earnest
workers among the younger men who would
be delighted with the opportunity to ap-
pear publicly upon this occasion that we
have decided to defer to them and it shall
be our pleasure to advocate this idea in
the councils of the party when arrange
ments for the parade are made.
We shall be present of course We will
be the TALL slender man with iron gray
hair, black eyes and horn trimmed spec
tacles tan shoes and a blue serge suit
who will have the bottle of hootch in his
left hip pocket. We will also have search
warrant authorizing the police to frisk
us, thus proving that 1t is possible for
policemen to obey the law If they receive
the proper cooperation from those who
break the law.
We had intended also being in the per-
sonal liberty parade on July Fourth and
on this occasion we would have carried
in our right hand a copy of Don Marquis's
new book, 1.-THE Old Soak" and in our left
hand bouquet of touch h-me-nots Our
plans however, are now changed. Don has
invited US to stand with him and assist
in taking care of the floral tributes. We
have accepted. Also he will have a speech
ready for the occasion. It is going to be
a good speech. He wished some humor
Injected into 1t and therefore he asked us
TO write it for him. We are now at work
on II.
THINGS ONE CANNOT PRINT.
obviously done In blank Uerse.)
In writing for the Editors
Telling funny news,
Omit from all you chance to say
Mention of the South Americans.
Whene'er you feel the writing urge
Why write whate'er you choose,
Except you must not write at all
About our friends the Italians.
II verses I'LL your soul with song
Turn fondly to your Muse,
But do not let her lead you far:
Sing not about the British.
IL funny stories fill your head
And you would but amuse.
Why keep them laughing by all means.
But not about the Greeks
Fill up the page with anecdotes.
Tell anything that's new.
But let no story that you tell
Poke fun at any Syrian.
You'ii only tire your massive brain.
Your time you'll surely lose,
IL you submit TO Editors
Stories on the French.
I'm greatly hampered in my work.
NV stuff they all refuse,
Because the stories that tell
are often on the Swiss.
I should be paid for what I write,
My lawyer says to sue.
And that Is what so puzzles me
For he, too, Is Belgian.
~ HE financial pages Of the newspapers
have been announcing recently that
the prices Of oil stocks have begun
to drop. which means that whole lot Of
people who had gone back 10 work will stop
business again and begin watching the
market.
The effects of purchasing oil stock are
very far reaching. thing which we well
know. not from any personal experience.