davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
HUMOR IN TEST PAPERS
SchooIboys' Unconscious Absurdities
Rival Quips Of Humorists.

SchooIboys' Unconscious AbsurdItles
Rival Quips of Humorists.
From the New York Sun.
4 group of clever folks have adopt
ed a game based upon the jewels OF
linguistic subtlety that swarm in that
quaint volume now out of print
English as She Is Taught" Each
player is furnished with a pencil and
paper. 4. word is chosen, and the
bright minds of the company COM
pete in trying to concoct definitions
or examples as funny as the actual
answers TO examination questions en-
balmed in the book.
Some delectable absurdities have
been born of this game, but it cam
not be said that they have surpassed
the unconscious achievements o. the
schoolboy or schoolgirl mind-such
an achievement as this, which oc-
Cured in an examination on gram
mar:
Every sentence and name Of God
must begin with caterpillar"
Tea table satirists would be hard
put to it to invent anything as runny
and as pungent as these:
Some of the best fossils arc found
in theological cabinets"
There are good many donkeys in
theological gardens"
"Herod was called tetrarch be-
cause he was so fond of tea"
Deep sympathy is evoked by these
apothegps, ground out laborionsly by
perspiring examiners: "All sentences
are either simple or confound,' and
Grammar gives us the la9guish.'
And that sympathy deepens when one
turns TO the mathematical section! Of
the collection that fascinated Mark
Twain. There we read:
"The sins Of Division are Il short
horizontal line between two doits and
IL curve line between the Diviser and
Divident."
~ circle is round straight line
with Il hole in the middle"
"Things which are equal to each
other are equal to anything else"
But for sweet simplicity and per-
feet flower OF phonetic Interpretation
in all the sublime fatuity of the juyc-
nile intellect as its most inconsequcn-
tial stage here is one that scars be-
yond the realm Of imitation:
"a Horace uncle line is Il line that
isn't crooked"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
BULLETS PRESSED BRAIN
Rare Operation Performed by New
Surgeon.

Hare Operation Performed ny Ne"
Surgeon.
Recovering from an operation Tor
removal Of bullet that had pressed
his brain for four years and caused
h;lllucinations. epilepsy and suicidal
tendencies, Roman Leondwoski for
mer convict is believed by surgeons
TO be returning 10 a normal mental
condition.
The operation was performed III
Sing Sing prison hospital, New York
hy DR.. William L. Chapman, Crook
lyn brain surgeon himself an invalid.
He performed the rare operation willie
sitting in wheel chair.
-Four years ago Leondwoski was
wounded in a street fight. One bullet
was imbeded almost two inches with
in the brain; another lodged behind
the right car. The latter was not re-
moved.
Released two years ago after scrv-
ing sentence. Leondwoski was re-
committed because OF his mental
state. Hc will he given his freedom
if his mental equilibrium is restored.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Wanted a Job. - Representative
Sumner of Texas seldom tells an old
story.r So when. recently. he told an
exceedingly antiquated yarn, several
friends who were with him were
greatly surprised. One man in the
crowd, however, laughed uproariously
at the old story.
;.;,After the crowd had dispersed one
Of. Summers friends asked him why
it was that he spun such an archaic
taale,4 tel
'I knew there was q fellow in that
crowd who wanted job Sumner
explained, land I could not exactly
determine which one it was. Now |
know. It was the man who laughed !"
%LWashington Star.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
NATURAL HISTORY
OF THE SOUTH
Ey JAMES HENRY RICE, Jr.
THE sHRIkE OR BUTCHER BIRD

THE sHRIkE OR BUTCHER BIRD
Order - Passercs: Genus, Lanius;
Family, Laniidae: Species, Ludovician-
us.
Lanius in Latin means butcher: and
Ludovicianus, means Of Louisiana,
whence came the type specimen. A
common name for the Shrike is Loggcr-
head, which means Ounce or blockhcad:
all which! names are misleading. false
to the birds tiue nature and 90 small
credit to the intelligence Of the people
responsible for them as will presently
be shown.
Typical Of the South.
No bird is moro typical Of the South,
the true South, for the Shrikc ranges
from southern North Carolina to Florf-
la and west to louisiana. Beyond this
it's range is exceptional. The gray,
black and white Of the plumage, with
habit of perching on tops of trees, poles
or fence posts, in order to have unre-
strictcd vision over the hunting ground
nearby taken together with the flight
after the manner Of woodpeckers, made
the Shrike a conspicuous object There
is no bird for which he is likely to be
mistaken, except perhaps the Mocking-
bird, 10 which there is a superficial re-.
semb!ance.
The birds habit, when rarely Spar
row is taken, of impaling the prey\on 4
thorn is the one by which the Shrikc is
characterized, whereas, at the most
this is an occasional lapse from
virtue. Not only does the Shrike i'm
pale Sparrows. Mice, Slrews, Foles
and Aloles arc similarly treated. Lack
ing talons. he can not carry off his
pray and must take this method Of pre-
serving it for future use.
However. as every plowman knows
the Shril;c is the most persistent of in
sect catchcrs. Hc is on the job from
dawn to dark. He will perch alongside
the plowman, and dart down whenever
a grub, cutworm. mole cricket, or other
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
Every Honor to Be Paid.

The United States flag, which COW
ers the casket Of each soldier returned
from France for burial in his native
land, may be kept by his parents or
relatives or turned over to any post
of the American Legion, according TO
Il ruling made by the graves reglstra-
ton service, which has so organized
the transportation of the bodies from
the ship to the homes Of relatives
that every honor will be paid to the
dead and the proper Difference eXer-
cised toward the wishes OF the fam
lily.
Among the instructions issued TO
attendants of the bodies arc: Attend
ants must be particularly courteous
and accommodating in the perform
ance of all their duties, especially
when dealing with friends and rcla-
tives of the deceased. Proceed with
remains to destination, exercising
care at each transfer point that the
remains are loaded on the train on
which you are travelling. In case of
any great delay, send kilograms noti-
rying relatives Of probable time Of
arrival"
Because the government provides a
flag, which corcrs each casket. the
graves registration officials have in
formed legion national headquarters
that the purchase Of such 4 flag by
legion posts is an unnecessary eH-
pcnSe.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
New Members Coming In.

While few new members are
dropping in to Mech Stewart Post, the
membership is not increasing as fast
as post officials and others would like.
This week is American Legion Week
in South Carolina and every post in
the state is conducting a membership
drive. In all probability special efforts
will be made to rope in number of
buddies around here, although it has
been announced that no special mem
bership drive for the local post will
be arranged until later.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Good Plan, But-.-A tall, gaunt
looking person recently entered a no.
tel in a town where several fires had
occurred and applied for a room at 4
price which entitled him to lodging on
the top floor Of the house. Among his
belongings the proprietor noticed a
coil of rope. and asked what it was
for.
''"That's 1 fire escape said the man.
81 carry one with me 50 can let my
self down. from the window without
troubling anyone"
Good plan." said the landlord, but
guests with fire escapes like that pay
in:advance at this hotel"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
Meetinu Wednesday Night.

The first meeting of Mech Stewart
Post in the new hall over the Mackorell
Drug Store has been called for tomor=
row night. Officials are now working
on plans for a formal opening Of the
new hall within the next few weeks or
as soon as the necessary furnishings
have been obtained. At the meeting
tomorrow night the members will find
seats on boxes, on the floor or any
where else that they can find them. 1t
is hoped that there will be a good
turn out Of members since 4 number
of matters Of Importance are to be
discussed.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
Good Job of Il.

Frank L. Feemster, carpenter-con-
tractor who with NJ. L. Mitchell did the
remodeling work on Legion hall deserve
the thanks Of members Of the post be-
cause of the uncommonly good re-
modelling job that they have done.
Both gentlemen having an interest III
the post have done the thing as well
as it could possibly have been done.
The floor is adapted for dancing, ac-
cording to members who have had
much experience on dancing floors
and many a pleasant little dance i'll
Legion hall is looked forward to.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
Preamble to Constitution.

Here's hoping that we can make the
preamble to the American Legion con-
stitution the creed of every ex-serv!cc
man in this community. BY the way,
do you know the preamble? Well, here
1t is:
For God and country we associate
ourselves together for the following
purposes:
ITO uphold and defend the Constitu-
ton of the United States OF America;
to maintain law and order; to foster
and perpetuate a one hundred per cent
Americanism; to preserve the memo
ries and incidents of our Association In
the Great War; to inculcate a sense OF
individual obligation to the community,
state and nation, to make right the
master of might; to promote peace and
goodwill on earth to safeguard and
transmit to posterity the principles Of
justice freedom, and democracy; to
concentrate and sanctify our comrade-
ship by our devotion to mutual help
funess."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
American Leaion Minstrel.

There's plenty of good material for q
good minstrel troupe among the MEM
bership Of Mech Stewart Post No. 6G,
and within short time efforts will be
put forth having as their object the
whipping of that material into q first
rate amateur. minstrel show which will
perform not only in Yorkville but in
other towns around. The tentative
plans call for the organization Of a
minstrel troupe Of twelve men in
cluding an interlocutor and also a
quartette.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
y Y AS.;-sI;. tf!I,.f5 Z
Tuesday, April 5, 1872

family, scattered over both the Old
World and the New. Africa possesses
the greatest number of species and
these African birds are brilliantly col
ored. One of the finest collectNns was
brought back by DR.. Edgar A. Mearns,
when returning from Abyssinia, and ne
showed it to me before the birds were
exhibited in the National Museum,
where they row are. There are several
species in North America, but we have
onl yone; and of that one we have rea-
son to be proud.
Copyright 1921 by Jas. D.. Grist)..
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
County Reunion,

Mech Stewart Post No. &C is going
to put over that proposed county re-
union of service mon and their relatives
and friends here in Yorkvi!le on July
4, unless something now unforeseen
prevents. A re-u3ion of county pro-
portions, it is realized is a big under
taking; but the post members believe
that they can put it over with the
assistance Of people of the community
generally. Offers Of assistance from
those who have an interest in the
legion have begun 10 pour in.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

pigeons.
"We'd like to
hear the story"
they all said most
politely.
"It's really a bit
Of history" Uncle
Charlie said.
"Oh." said the
carrier pigeons,
I'VE thought we
were W nave q
llalf-hOliday."
"Ah." said Un-
Gle Charlie, 81 do
not think you will
mind this sort Of
history. In tile
first place 1t is
family history and
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Well to Please.-Here's 4 nickle
for you, my man. she said 10 the
frayed and ragged looking individual
who stood under a porch with eX-
tended ha1d. I'm not giving it to
you for charity's sake but merely be-
cause it pleases me-
T"Thankee, but couldn't you make 1t
a quarter and enjoy yourself thorough
lv ma'am ?"-Pittsburgh Chronicle
Telegraph.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Up to Date.-"This morning" said
the teacher of an early Sunday-school
class, "tEe subject of the lesson is
Ruth, the CLEANER. Who can tell me
anything about Ruth?"
We'll. Willie, what do you know
about Ruth?" said the teacher en-
couragingly.
Nnd Willie piped out in q shrill
little voice: 'He cleaned up fifty
four home runs last season"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
OF Interest to Veterans.

In China there are no monuments to
military heroes.
The Royal Canadian navy has T49 OIL
ficers and men, and 4.734 reserves.
Armies of Great Britain and France
are restoring the sword as part Of the
equipment for their officers.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
American Legion Baseball League.

The idea Of an American Legion
baseball league composed of Yorkville,
Rock Hill, Hickory Grove and Fort
Mill and probably Gastonia and Chester
seems to meet with favor. Nothing
has been heard from Chester or Gas
tonia as yet; but the four York county
posts say they are raring for it. Due
to the fact that it would be hard to
arrange, for more than one game
week, it will not be amiss if the out OF
the county towns don't come in.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
xsggsas. AMERICAN
A6I'sag1n LEGION
SRS SIssERS|s news
Conducted by Lewis M. Grist,
Publicity Officer, Mech Stew
art Post, No. &c.
Rumor of Scandal.

Rumor has it that Miss Georgette
McCelvey who was recently married
in the courthouse to one Theodosious
Mackorell is not finding life with hubby
the one grand, sweet song that she had
expected. 1t is not unlikely that
divorce proceedings will be filed and
the whole affair may be aired in the
courthouse within a few weeks.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
:. Wholesale Rates.-"This sword Is

Wholesale Rates.-"Ths sword is
very DID," said the culio dealer.
"Indeed!" said the customer.
AYE. It came from the Battle Of
Lexington-that was in the year 17T5,
Sif-and there's an anecdote goes
with it."
The customer listened patiently
while the old man recounted the story.
Then, at the conclusion, he returned
the sword to it's owner
THANK You! That was very inter-
esting, and quite enjoyed it, he re-
piled kindly But unfortunately
bought that same anecdote once before
with an old musket!"--Top- Notch.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

A new alcohol called "Pctrohol" is
made from oil gases. 1t can be produc-
cd cheaper than either grain or wood
alcohol and used for any purpose to
which these two are adopted except
medicines.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

The threatening determination Of
elk herd. in the Yellowstone Park is
alarming, the officials in charge. On
the ranges where ordinarily thousands
Of these animals could be seen, only a
very few have been observed this win
ter.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

up this task so Carrying Messagee.
that it can al
ways be said that carrier pigeons have
carried messages right down through
the ages, and that they aren't going
to stop now"
"True, true" suii the other cartier
pigeons. I'VE will always continue
our work and will he glad we can do
It,"
"Fine spirit" said Uncle Charlie
Carrier Pigeon, "b.i with such his
tory back of us, we cannot help but
have this spirit! !"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

A private in the National Guard Of
the United States is paid 500 year,
for attending drill once week
American claims against Germany
for injuries caused from the world war
are estimated at s1SO,0SS,32
Throughout the United States the
American Legion is now represented by
10,200 posts and 2,150 auxiliary units,
In connection with the Armistice
Day fetcs in France this year it is pro-
posed to name one of the streets Of
Paris Rue du II November.
Over a hundred American girls are
still in Coblenz. Germany, engaged in
Y. NJ. C. A., Y. w. C. A., Salvation
Army and other welfare work.
France has undertaken to assist in
the enlargement and beautifying of the
American military cemeteries of Bel
leau Wood and Romagne-s Mont
faucon.
The United States invested s41,S73,-
94S,225 in the world war, or s670,O0O,00O
more than any other Allied nation. ia
pan spent the least, with S4S1,S1S,OOO..
Soldiers in the new German army
are ITO be instructed in the principle of
International law in time of peace and
war, and the rights and duties Of citi-
Zens.
The chemical welfare. service of the
United States army has discovered a
liquid poison SO strong that three drops
will kill anyone whose skin it touches.
In the United States 81 per cent Of
the population is in the regular army,
whi;> in Japan the percentage is IT per
cent and in Great Britain .93 per cent.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Their Drawback.-Mrs. Blank ito
laundress)-Andh how is your newly
married daughter getting on, Mrs.
Brown?
Mrs. Brown-Oh, nicely. thank YOU,
ma'am. She finds her husband a bit
dull; but then, as ! tells her, the good
ones are dull.-Boston Transcript.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

She's Done It.-"Bridget,' called
the mistress from upstairs, have you
turned the gas on in the parlor as l
told you?"
"Yis, num-" answered the new do
mestic jewel. cant yez smell it,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

The Only One He Ever Had.-"Why
you never had an idea in your life,'
doomed Mrs. Peck. You never tried
to have one It's wonder you ever
got up spunk enough to have the idea
you wanted to marry me-"
That's why I'm so proud of it. It's
so odd" he retorted.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

tIldl IL lIllCl
always to the family whose history is
being given or told.
"Then you will not have to learn
your lesson If you don't want to. You
don't need to study. You don't need
to do any work about it. You may
just listen. if you want to-"
History like that will be pleasant"
said one Of the carrier pigeons, "al-
though / really like history better than
any, other lesson anyway. It's rather
fun to hear what others have done.
do 60 on, Uncle Charlie, and tell
US the history"
So Uncle Charlie Carrier Pigeon be-
gan:
I'VE have been carrying messages
for hundreds and hundreds OF years. 3"
Gracious said one Of the carrier
pigeons, Il didn't know l was that
old"
Neither did T." said another.
"And neither did l." suid third.
"Ah, do not mean that we, our
selves. have been carrying messages
for that length Of time," said Uncle
Charlie.
"Al," said the first carrier pigeon,
who had spoken before, Il didn't
imagine could be that old"
1.-THE same was true with me-" sale
the second.
Il couldn't believe that l had been
carrying messages for that length Of
time either" said the third.
But our family have been doing
this work for years and years and
years." said Uncle Charlie.
THE art CT carrying messages has
been handed down from grlndfathers
and grandmothers to fathers and
mothers and 50 On.
"One Of our relations carried forty
thousand messages in one "trip. And
each message was about twenty words
In length.
"Some Of these messages were sent
BY means of tiny photographs, 50 ti1r
that they had to be read with tlr aid
Of miscroscope or glass to make ;hem
look full-slzed and so they could be
seen easily.
And our relative carried these little
photographed messages. 1t WAS very
wonderful.
'In that way we can carry more, too,
without being SO tired.
"Ah, carrier pigeons have always
done a great work and it is rightful
pride we have to rejoice over the
fine work which our relatives have
done.
"But it is up to US to continue the
good work, and l believe we always
will.
I'VE always will for we always have,
for hundreds and hundreds Of years.
rn rripr piunOD9
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

No Washing.-Urs. Blank was in
telvewing help at the intelligence Of
flee, and she asked one burly woman;
Are you 4 good cook and laundress!
DO 7 look like twins? was the sharp
response. Transcript.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

insect is turned up by the plow. He
never seems to get enough. Day in
and day out, the Strike stays close to
where blowing is going on. Strikes
also become quite tame. have had
them take bolwornls from an ear of
mutton corn; when it was in my hand.
They will perch on the gardeners
shoulder, after n long and somewhat
critical acquaintance has shown them
that nc is a friend.
Have Keen Vision.
Once let stranger come in with the
gardener and it is all over, They still
remain nearby, but Mt a respectful dis
tance, as much as to say:-"We have
found that first fellow all right; but
his friend is. too little known for US to
trust him yet"
They will often drop down fifty yards
away from their perches and pick up a
grasshopper, it being evident that the
insect was plainly seen in the grass be-
fore the bird left his perch.
Moreover, no farmer claims that the
Shrike Injuries any crop, or fruit. The
food appears to be wholly animal,
chiefly insects.
Mr.. Wayne says that mating begins
in February and nest building is be-
gun toward the last Of that month, but
that, owing to bad weather, the first
nests are often Abandoned; hence it is
rare TO find nests with full compile
ments Of eggs prior to the last Of
March. THE number Of eggs Of the
first brood is generally six; Of the Sec
ond five, and the third four; or some
times five. The eggs are white or
greenish white. speckled or spotted
with olive brown or lavender"
The nest Is a bulky affair, construct
cd of sticks, vines, cotton and weeds 1t
is placed in thick bushes, thorn bushes,
thick live oaks. or Scrubby under
growth. Mr. Wayne has found nests
all the way from seven to sixty feet
above the ground.
He states that he has heard many
Shrikcs sing sweetly, ialthougIl song is
q gift, which Shrikes arc supposed to
lack. In times gone by I have heard
them sing.
Nar, Rirri
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

What He Said d.-Irofessor-"So SIT,
you said that was learned jackass,
did you?''
Freshic-"No, sir, / merely remark
ed that YOU were a burro of informal
tion."-Boston Transcript.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

- Nickel steel, with a plafinuimn Tov-
ering. is being used to diYblace plit-
mum wire in ncandcsccnt flights.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

Defined.-"Would you call it NOR
al wrong to cheat u lawyer who had
charged you an cXorEitant iee!
NO, | wouldn't. Id call ii human
impossibility."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05
E''r' gdddyS
9dEyeniN6
Fairy Tale
~ M ADV GDhEAM P0NNEp
CARRIER PIGEONS HISTORY.
81 NARY GRAHAM BONNER
S-corApKT N vsiTilN kEv1Nu uRoki-sS

81 have a story want to tell you,"
said Uncle Charlie Carrier Pigeon to
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1921-04-05

have never dis
graced the name
Of carrier pigeons
and they have al
ways gone Oh with
the work which
the others have
left for them to
do.
ut Is the motto
OF t he carrie er
pigeons-keep up
the good work.
And so while we
haven't been car
rying messages
for hundreds and
hundreds Of years
we are keeping