The Washington herald., 1921-01-09

a mate line OF graIL DuL once But
one time, as say, reversed the
decision of the revised statutes and
undertook a thing that I'd have to
apologize for even under the New
Jersey trust laws.
Ne and Caligula Polk, OF Mysko-
gee in the Creek Nation, was down
in the Mexican state Of Tamaulipas
running a peripatetic lottery and
monte game. Now, selling lottery
tickets is a government graft In
Mexico, just like selling As cents
worth Of Postage-stannps for 40 Is
over here. So Uncle Porfrio he in
structs the rurales to attend to our
case.
Rurales? They're sort of county
police; but don't draw any mental
erayon portraits of the worthy con-
stable with a tin star and a gray
goatee. The rurales-weIl, II we'd
mount our Supreme Court on bron-
cos, arm 'em with winchesters. and
start 'em out after John Doe ct al
we'd have about the same thing.
When the rurales~ started for US
we started for the States. They
chased Us as far as Matamoras. We
hid in q brickyard; and that night
we swum the Rio Grande, Caligula
with a brick in each hand, absent
minded. which he drops upon the
soil Of Texas, forgetting he had 'em.
From there we emigrated to San
Antoine, and then over to New Or
leans, where we took a rest. And
in that town Of cotton bales and
other adjuncts to female beauty we
made the acquaintance Of drinks in
vented by the Creoles during the
period OF Louey Cans, in which
they are still served at the side
doors. The most I can remember
Of this town is that me and CaliguIa
and a Frenchman named McCarty-
wait a minute; Adolph McCarty-
was trying to make the French
Quarter pay up the back trading
stamps due on the Louisiana Pur-
chase, when somebody hollers that
the johndarms are coming. I have
an insufficient recollection of buying
two yellow tickets through a win
dow; and seem to see a man swing
a lantern and say "All aboard" I
remembered no more, except that
the train butcher was covering me
and CaliguIa up with August J.
Evans's works and figs.
When we become revised, we find
that we have colIIded up against
State Of Georgia at a spot hitherto
unaccounted for in time tables ex-
cept by an asterisk. which means
that trains stop every other Thurs
day on signal by tearing up a rail.
We was walked up in a yellow pine
hotel by the noise Of flowers and
the smell of birds. Yes, sir, for the
wind was banging sUnflowers as
big as buggy wheels against the
weatherboarding and the chicken
coop was right under the window.
Ne and Caligula dressed and went
downstairs. The landlord was she'll
ing peas on the front porch. He
was six feet Of chills and fever, and
Hongkong in complexion though in
other respects he seemed amenable
in the exercise OF his sentiments and
features.
CaIigula, who is a spokesman b.
birth, and a small man, though red
haired and impatient Of painfulness
Of any kind, speaks up.
"Pardner," says he, good morn
ing, and be darned to you. Would
yOu mind telling US why We are at?
We know the reason we are where,
but can't exactly figure out on ac-
count of at what place"
We'll, gentlemen" says the land
lord. Il reckon yOU-all would be in
Quiring this morning. YOu-alI drop
ped off Of the nine thirty train here
last night and you was right tight.
Yes, you was right smart in liquor.
can inform you that you are now
in the town OF Mountain Valley, in
the State of Georgia"
"On top of that" says Caligula,
don't say that we can't have any
thing to eat"
sit down. gentlemen" says the
landlord. and in twenty minutes
I'll call you to the best breakfast
you can get anywhere in town"
That breakfast turned out to be
composed of fried bacon and a yell
lOwish edifice that proved up some
thing between pound cake and flex-
ible sandstone. The landlord calls
it corn pone; and then he sets out
dish of the exaggerated breakfast
food known as hominy; and so me
and Callgula makes the acquaint-
ance OF the celebrated food that en-
abled every Johnny Reb to lick one
and two-thirds Yankees for nearly
four years at a stretch.
The wonder by me is" says Cali
gula, that Uncle Robert Lees boys
didn't chase the Grant and Sherman
outfit clear up into Hudson's Bay.
1t would have made me that mad to
eat this truck they call mahogany"
Hog and hominy," I explains, "is
the staple food Of this section"
Then" says Caliguia, they
ought to keep 1t where it belongs.
1 thought this was a hotel and not
a stable. Now, If we was in Mus
kogee at the st. Lucifer House, I'd
show you some breakfast grup.
Antelope steaks and fried liver to
begin on, and venison outlets with
chilli con carne and pineapple fritz
ters, and then some sardines and
mixed pickles; and top it of with
a can OF yellow clings and a botIle
Of beer. You won't find a layout
like that on the bill Of affairs of
any Of your Eastern restaurants"
. TOO lavish" says l. I'm trav-
sled, and I'm unprejudiced. Thereu
never be a perfect breakfast eaten
until some man grows arms long
enough to stretch down to New Or