The Washington times., 1921-02-06

hurst on the South, and Breton
Woods on the North. They don't golf
very much TO the Eastward. so he has
no records beyond the three-mile
limit
'skeets" might need some introduc-
tion to the reading public, but the
golfinK public knows him for the
thumbprints he has left on every
course from Pineburst 10 Shawnee-on-
Delaware. 'skeets'' makes his BERTH
lion measurements with a niblick He
has sliced his drives with the best OF
'em and taken the encore an a matter
OF fact!
On the links he's a demon all right.
but he shows his best form when the
radiator 10 playing the tattoo from
the League OF Nations. Around the
old club house he has reputation
from attic to cellar with possibly a
little accent on the latter dimen-
sion,
VOW you KNOW.
Now that you know who "Skeets"
is. II is only necessary to add that he
invented the 10th hole and forgot to
copyright the idea He's been blamed
for more cold suppers and fat golf
scores than any man at liberty, still
he takes these laprels gracefully and
comes up for more.
That's the reason we elect him for
hero and william of this story. and
even q good golfer will admit that Is
a tough role to play. There have been
better golfers than "skeets," but
never q more willing one! II prssis-
tency were a virtue, this baby would
be a martyr to the game.
"Skeeter'' learned all of his goof
s.Va
the best goofer who ever gave up the
game in despair. Along in 1915, <ec-
ognizing his double-distilled qualities
as the coming linksman OF the works,
Jim" escaped from golf and took to
base ball.
He wanted a little bigger ball to
aim at and nobody understands yet
why he didn't choose volley ball or
some other target. Jim" has a mind
of his own though, and he was work
ing IL overtime when he slipped the
golfing yoke to Watson, broken mid
irons and all
After negotiating all the upper-ciass
terrain. including White Sulphur
Springs and Piping Rock, "Skeets"
pointed his nose abroad and started
to gobble up the international COLLINS
cookies. When Vardon and Ray heard
he was on their scent, they both
escaped to America and cleaned up
everything that our hero overlooked
PRACTICED WHOLE LOT.
En- route to England, the Master
Mind practiced every day, rain or
shine. He erected a putting green on
the hurricane deck and then hired a
brace OF sailors to hold the green
down while he swung away at the
apple The passengers stood on In
amazement, but "Skeets.' in water up
to his knees got SO proficient that he
could put a gutterpercha capsule in
any, given portfolio Of passing
freighter, ten times out Of nine.
His .mid-Atlantic game got so good
that even the captain became suspi-
cious and sent for an alienist. When
night overlook the ocean greyhound,
the Master Goofer kept in training
by playing solitaire billiards in the
first class saloon. His aim became SO
acute he could carom fly off the
mashed potatoes by nimble strokes
with a toothpick at helping of
canned peas.
| Landing in Glasgow or someplace,
he PACED a set of caddies to carry his
luggage, but reserved the sublime
privilege of toting the golf sticks to
himself. Elbowing himself and ret
|
lands bag-piped metropolis, "Skeets''
advertised to the wide, wide world
that he was an exponent of the an
cient pasture performance and that a
little thing like the Eighteenth
Amendment hadn't hurt his game
nearly so much as IL had his pride.
KNOCKED HIM sEAwARD.
~ couple OF elderly gents. bent sew
- hxy N
hand, Papa Time, nearly knocked
'Skeets" loose from his ears when
they Invited him hence for a three
some. ''Skeets'' had been kidded in
America by every professional and
amateur kidder, but this was the first
public razzing he had had since he
overplayed a hole at Chevy Chase and
the ball landed in farmers eye.
Hello. Feeble Mind" buzzes Wat
son to the youngest of the CEN
tenarians, "think ye lads kin 'ang me
Ugh and dry fer a triple alliance, do
yer"
Dunno about a three-way socking,
ole top" piped the eldest of the in
fants, but IL it's a double crossing
ye be lokin' for, yez got or at the
right dock"
"Skeets" hauled in his ears. Also
his elbows.
He didn't know he was in the land
where golf balls are a srmi-annual
crop and where they plant 'em in
rows like tubers.
These Scotland birds were all but
in wheeling chairs! They were so in
Arm that every time they took a step
they rested until the foliage dropped
or.
81 can lick yez blindfolded," snorts
the NJ. NJ, which is another way of
saying Masked Marvel, besides that,
I'm the champeen goofer OF WASH
ington and suburbs, which includes
Kirkside, Bannockburn and way sta
tions.
HAD 'EM ON THE HIP.
Fishing n brace OF ear trumpots
out OF their hip pockets, the Juvenile
Highlanders requested an encore from
the redoubtable Mr.. Watson, gentle
man golfer OF ID. G.
"I kin wallop the pair Nv ye with
me 'ands tied behind me ears and give