davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
HUMANIsMS !
William Atherton Du Puy

Judge william D. Boies representative in Con-
gress from Iowa, tells story about a man who
ate horse meat experiment and draws a
moral that applies to his service at Washington.
This man did not know whether he would like
o surs iS Try u
ment and watched with interest.
The man cut himself off a very large bit Of
the meat and turned it over with his tongue ap
praisngly during the course of mastcation. The
expression of his countenance indicated that he
was being favorably impressed. Finally he pro-
ceeded to swallow his piece Of Old Dobbin.
Just at this moment a friend across the table
called out loudly:
Whoa"
Such is the force of habit that the horse meat
stopped short in the man s throat and came
Judge Boes had spent thirty-eight years in
the court ROOM attorney and Judge before he
ran for Congress. 1t often happens, he says
that some practice of court procedure calls
whoa to the Legislative food he is masticating
and creates an intellectual irnpasse
1t used to be uncommon thing for visitors
wellknown figure of that city. The apparition
appeared In the form of very thin and long
legged man who strode about as though he wore
seven-league boots. The tourist was likely to
stop and ask of whoever available:
Can you tell me the name Of the gentleman
who is in such a hurryr'
That" the answer was sure to be, "is Charles
Spalding Thomas running for office"
Eventually the long-legged man in a hurry be-
came governor OF the State and then Senator. He
is a Democrat, however, and 1t Is expected that
his hurrying form will be seen about the Denver
The man who introduced into Congress tho
resolution declaring a state Of war with Germany
was Henry D. Flood. of Virginia. He is a mild,
genial man with all the courtesy of a true son
of the Old Dominion. He was educated at WASH
ington and Lee University and got into politics
before the ink was dry his diploma There
has not been a day since In all the thirty years
that have interviewed that he has not been a
member of some legislative body, either State or
National
The district he represents Is black. There are
more negroes than whites in II. 1t always went
Republican before Flood began running for Of
flee. 1t has not gone Republican since.
He told a story in an early campaign OF resi-
dent of Manassas who died and went down be-
low, which may have impressed his colored con-
stituents and had something to do with the
change. The proprietor of the new abode OF this
Virginian asked what was going on along the
Potomac He was told that an election was be-
ing held in the Tenth district He Immediately
summoned all the little devils and ordered them
to go to the Tenth district and spread misrepre-
sentations from end OF II to the other As
they were departing he asked the man from
Manassas who was running When he heard che
name OF the Republican candidate, Mr. Flood
said, he recalled his forces IL was no USE the
devil said, there already n better man on
the job than could be drafted in all purgatory.
Copyright. 1921, by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Training Men
For Vacations

THE congress reflected wise pub
lie opinion in passing over the
. Presidents veto the bill re-
ducing the army to 175,000 men.
In time of peace we do not need
great army. Requirements of de-
fense are met by a small but efficient
army and powerful navy. With
the latter holding the seas, we shall
have time to bring together our
military strength on land, which now
includes more than 100000 men of
fighting age trained to arms, po-
tentially the strongest army in the
world. .... ....
But while we do not need, just
now, large regular army, we do
need well trained one. The Ameri-
can idea of training includes but
goes beyond mere military skill. 1t
looks to a kind of training which
will make the enlisted man not only
a good soldier while in uniform, but
also an efficient citizen when his en-
listment expires.
This year 100000 was appro-
priated for civilian aid in vocational
training in the army. For next year
the House has cut the allowance to
$4,000.
The reduction is too drastic. 1t
means loss of efficiency among our
enlisted men, both while they are in
service and afterward.
If the Senate believes, as this
newspaper believes, in vocational
training as a valuable part of army
life, it should vote the money re-
Quired to continue it
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
RUBE RAREFACT-s QUERIEs.

RUBE BAHEFACTS QU UEhIES.
Q. Can you tell me tohy the ners-
papers aIioays refer to this last Euro
pcau toar as the Worlds Worf-AGI
TATOR. 10.
A. You can't prove IL by me. Agi-
we paid for it, so it ought to be ours,
don't you think?
Q. knot1 young man Dho doesn't
drink, smoke, ckeU, or ssoedr. Would
you coll him q moral monf-MISS
TAKE.
A. No, he's the only living speci-
men of the species humbugus alb
surdus. Call the Smithsonian Insti-
tute or notify the Zoo at once-they
need your friend badly.
Q. WhaS does the erprcssion, "bcastly
heather" medni-S. IMP.
A. That's what it is when it rains
cats and dogs.
Q. Do you think music makes cork
ing and fighting easierf-HI ENA.
A. We don't know about working,
but some singers sure make fighting
. real pleasure.
Q. Please tell me tohy convScts are
mum bered and not Homed.-PON ZEE.
A. You're all wrong-the numbers
their pen name.
Q. wa going bareheaded prevent
bdIdnessS-HERB p. SIDE.
A. Sure-and think of the check
tips you save also. OHIO.
There's no doubt that SHORT
SKIRTS are causing an increase in
the cost of accident insurance.
MALT RAISON.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Elect Federal Judges and
Let People Recall Them

controlled by politicians OF the
lower sort, who are themselves only
the hirelings of more powerful prof
iteers and extortioners, whose busi-
ness it is to rob the producing
masses, and who evade or set at de-
fiance the laws which are intended
to prevent such robbery. Even when
a man finally obtains a just verdict
in the courts it is only after weari.
some and costly litigation which
frequently leaves him in worse CON
dition than if he had meekly sub
mitted to injustice without a
struggle.
1t is useless to expect either the
courts or the lawyers who make
their profits from this bad system of
delays and appeals and endless
hairsplitting over the technicalities
of procedure to do anything to bet
ter the system. The. people must
clean up this mess themselves.
We do not need to let the courts
act as they do. We can trim them
down to their rightful size any time
we want to. 1t is not at all difficult
to reduce their swollen conceptions
of their own authority and of the
sanctity of their utterances. In or
der to put the courts where they
rightfully belong in any workable
scheme of popular self-government,
all we need to do is to take away
from the President the power of
appointing the Justices of the Su-
preme Court and the Judges of the
Federal District courts, and to put
these exalted gentry, as well as all
the judges in the State and munici-
pal courts, under the sole power of
the people to elect them, to keep
them in office or to put them out
of office at their will.
The judges ought all to be elected.
They ought all to be subject to the
recall. They ought all to hold office
upon the sole condition of good
behavior and obedience to the peo-
pie. In other words, they should be
exactly what every other public en-
ploye should be-men hired to at
tend to our public business and to
attend to it in the way we want it
done. Whenever the people can hire
and fire judges at their pleasure,
then the judges will begin to behave
like good and faithful servants in
stead of conducting themselves like
high and mighty bosses.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
The meanest man in the world
is the chap who borrows a
dollar from his barber and then
buys a safety razor with Il.
ANNA COSTA.
DUMBELLTSM.S.

what's the difference between .
ham actor and star? Just
good press agent.
What the country needs IL a.
amendment-proof constitution.
Judging from reports, the wages
OF sin" are the only ones that
aren't being cut.
. Headlines say that e5 per cent
OF Canada's war soldiers will get
farms under Government loans,
Poor old Uncle Sam can't AFFORD 10
follow the example OF a rich and
powerful nation like Canada.
PAUL WHITE.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
THE AUTO RIDDLE.

The automobile questions OF AMT
Q. IT,. 80 are ,,sn correctly answered by
r. w. G., FRANKIE r., BLACK
EYES" ALEX. l.. BECKERS, ED
WARD KNEESSI, jr.. and others. oues-
tions and answers are;
what all lovers like to have7-MOON.
What we need In winter?-COLE.
The best way to California?-ovER-
LAND.
who was the nrst oiectriciapI-
BRANkIN
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
II you wero to kiss a girl
what newspaper would you
want7 No observers at The
Post, but The Stars and as many
Times as you could wish.
LEONA MAC.
WHEN EARS MEAN YEARS.

There's going to be a fashion fer the psst
OF the year.
A sort Of debut" for the feminine ear
The older the fowl. the more ear to show,
tNow you know, bo. that style won't go).
when we DANES march out on parade
To guess our age is some charsde.
You can't tell a chicken from a hen or
SQUAD,
So girls don't wcakeni stay on the job
ALI. our YEARS wen expose? Who says
wen Slip
Not on your life-We1i take the tip.
PEANUTS.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

Like some people, the ground
hog seems to have become dis
couraged too easily. II he'd
stucA around awhile, not mistak-
ing shadows for realities, he'd
have found that Los Angeles has
nothing on Washington as a
winter resort JOE C..
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
SCHOOL WAYS AND DAYS.

You can always tell a senior, he 10
so sedately dressed;
You can always tell a junior, by the
way he swells his chest:
You can always tell a freshman, by
his timid looks aud such:
You can always tell n sophomore, 80
you CAN'T TELL HIM MUCHt
PBTA
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
THEIR FIRST STAT.

Mrs. Newlywed (wanting SIS for a
haiti cook and cook for you, and
what do l get? Nothing"
Hubby-"You're lucky. always
get indigestion" DOT.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

When a New York magistrate
ordered a truant school girl to
go home and wash the paint from
her face and the dye from her
hair. he evidently didn't believe
that the good should DYE young.
n. c. S.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
THE LITTLE GIRLS WISH.

This was Minnie's wish about hes
teacher, who had punished heri
I wish was q little egg.
Away up In a tree,
A cuddled in my little nest
As bad bad could be.
And then wish you would ceme
And look at mo with glee,
And ! would up and bust myself
And spatter you with me-
COUNT DE CHANGn
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
THE DEAR GIRLS.

One young lady always on the
go il sally Forth
And the one who takes T to
assure her veracity is. Ruth
Truth. III. SMITH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Franklin's Mouth Harmonica.

One OF the frst musical Instruments made by
an American a mouth harmonica made by
Benjamin franklin, who played II before Marie
Antonette, to whom he presented IT. After she
was beheaded a wealthy American acquired 1t.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Famed Memorial Trees.

on the beautiful capitol grounds In Sacramento,
Cal. there is a red maple from Antietam, white
elm from near McKiney's tomb, white ash
from Vicksburg and many others from equally
distinctive points.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
~ HE fundamental idea of Ameri-
can government is sound.

our methods OF ADMINISTRATOR. we
are supposed to be free men, govern
ing ourselves through servants
whom we employ and over whom we
have control. In very great meas
ure we do have control over the
executive and the Legislative
branches of government. But our
Government is tripartite. There is
also Judicial branch, in theory Co
equal in authority with each of the
other two branches, but in practice
superior to both of them.
AT times the temporary occupant
of the White House talks and acts
like Caesar. But, after all, his
occupancy is only temporary, and
when we get sufficiently tired of his
autocratic ways we put such a per-
son out of the White House. At
times the majority in the Congress
misbehaves very badly. Sometimes
that majority shows painful lack
of ordinary intelligence. Sometimes
it exhibits contempt for the Con-
stitution and for those guarantees
of individual and collective liberty
which are the very soul of our
charter of government. But that,
again, is only temporary evil. With
each second year the people have
an opportunity to do Congressional
housecleaning. An ignorant or faith
less majority in the Congress can
work great deal of mischief, it
is true, but they can't keep it up
more than two years. Not unless
the people are foolish enough to send
such representatives back again to
Congress. And in that case mis-
government is the peoples own
fault.
But the judicial branch of the
Government is emphatically not sub
ject to the will of the people. When
we arrive at the doors of the courts,
self government stops. 1t is not per-
mitted to pass those portals.
Our judges, each after his own de-
gree, are autocrats, and there is
nothing to hinder any one of them
from being as autocratic and tyranni-
Cal as he chooses to be.
This autocracy of the judges has
no source in our Constitution. 1t
does not spring either from the
spirit or the letter of our written
institutions. 1t was never conferred
upon them by the people: 1t is a
self f-assumed autocratic power. 1t is
written not into the Constitution or
the laws of the land, but into the code
of rules and precedents which the
courts have framed FOR THEM
SELVES. 1t is an authority con-
structed not by laws, but by lawyers.
The autocratic authority, this ex-
traneous and super-constitutional
power, this arrogation Of dominion
over the executive and the legisla-
tive branches of government and
over the persons and rights and
liberties of the individual citizen,
are all of them equally strangers to
the Constitution and the construc-
tive will of the people. Our whole
system of administering justice,
from the chambers of the Supreme
Court down to the last poor little
police court, is archaic, tyrannical
and absolutely opposed, both in
theory and practice, to all the ideals
of self government. I
The courts are supposed to admin
lister justice expeditiously, fairly and
cheaply. They do not administer
Justice EXPEDITIOUSLY or FAIR
LY or CHEAPLY. More than half
the time they do not administer
justice AT ALL. They are sup
posed to be the refuge of the weak
,,,bop fbo Sfropo offop,rf fo oYprosc
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
EvE,s NATURALIZATION.

Bve took . glance at us down here,
And her heart hlled with cheer
when I ran around nude,
I thought I was rude,
But they've almost adopted II down there
W. WALTER.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Wealth and Happiness.

"a man who says wealth doesn't bring happi-
ness never saw n small boy who found quarter
In the street Just he vas passing . candy
stora-
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Very Handy Objects.

A miniature kitchen, consisting OF three cook
ing utensils, with folding handles and solidifed
alcohol for fuel, 10 packed In . case the size Of
a collar box .--I-I l.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Then the Fight Started.

Mr.. S.--My dear, did you make this pudding
out Of the cook book7
Mrs S.--Yes did. why7
Mr.. 81 thought tasted one of the covers.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
AYE. AYE BOYS.

It's an old. old tale OF the blessed winds,
That blow the skirts knee-high;
But In Paris you know. they're cuttin' en
The wind won't have to sigh.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Wife and the New Car

PIatt-How is it you don't come down town
in your new carr
Foster taught my wife to use II. and now I
am riding the street cars.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

The canning OF vodka
saved Russia Now they
light better than ever. And
the Eighteenth Amendment
will save America when u
passes over the bootieggers'
vAtas
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
GETTING EVEN.

1T cost me So to show my tongue
to the doctor. but in poker
game last night made him
show his hand and it cost him
$5." SPLINTERS.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
DEFINITIONS.

A mouth organ-The tongue.
Fetching manners-The waiter,
A slip of the pen-A runaway pig.
CURLEY.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
A COLUMN CONTEST.

A contest for the most popular con-
trib to II and s might not be exactly
fair or advisable. but I suggest con-
test among the fans to determine the
best invitation to be placed at the
head of the column. / offer thisi
NOTHING is TOO GOOD
FOR THIS COLUMN. SEND
IN YOUR BEST.
FRED J. SCwAB.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
55E;EN31
THAT APRIL I SPECIAL.

THAT APRIL 1 SPECIAL.
hare no doMbt the fans toiH seek
to erceI oil previous efforts for the
April special of Hoard and Seem
Fl. SMITH.
BY all means let us have that
April / special The nuts are en-
titled to all the fun they can get
that day.
J. FROZEN FACE. Jr.
FOR THE BIG MATHS.
hear the maths are getting rusty
and shouting for lubricating oil
Here's some thing for 'em:
We have an oblong figure.
Twice the square of one side, plus
three times the square of the
other, less times its contents
equals II. In ordef., the square
of the first less the square Of the
second. equals IS. What is the
size of the oblong. r..
FRED T. HAFELFINGER
v. NJ. WHITING has derived n
words from the letters in "capers."
others supplying long lists Of words
are YONKERS JOHN, F. B., and
STEPHENSON.
Some think II. and s. jokes are old
And should be on the shelf
But II you know some better ones
Send In q few yourself.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

Saw this in a Spanish American pa
per:
widower, with five sons, would
like to meet widow with four.
Object, BASEBALL NINE.
K. o. s.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
Mr.. B. Baer
A SUCCESSFUL FAILURE

The Eighteenth Amend
ment will be remembered so
long as there are studious
birds to drink in history.
Prohibition has been a sue
cess. For the bootleggers.
In the old days, wife
could depend on her hus-
band being in the old corner
boozarium. The difference
between prohibition and the
old days Is that a wife used
to know where to find her
husband. Now. she doesn't
know where to look for him:
he isn't dependable any
more.
He may be following tho
distilled tracks OF the
hootchlegger to his subter-
ranean mansion or smiling
the breezes for a bottled In
bond clue. Prohibition has
made drinking exclusive.
Make anything exclusive
and all the neighbors' chill
dren want to Join the party.
Tell a boy he can't do
something and he will do It
if he busts a leg. The boy
is father to the man. And
father's legs are stronger.
They've got to be. In tho
olden days they aged tho
alcohol in tho wood Now
they age the wood in the
alcohol. IT'S getting 30 in
these days that black looks
like a gay and festive color.
If folks see n man smiling.
they marvel at him like an
Arab seeing his first air
plane.
. Sunday is going to be a
beautiful day for a murder
by the time the blue-hibi-
tionists, the prohibitionists
and dont-hibitionists get
through oiling the ma
chinery with a monkey
wrench.
The abolitionist of 1851
freed the slave. The aboli-
ZIONIST OF 1920 shaved the
free.
The Eighteenth Amend
ment doesn't work because
It was designed for folks
who do work. The rich man
can still step forth and grab
headaches. nausea and de-
lirlum see-ems. but the poor
are denied that luxury.
The canning OF vodka
saved Russia Now they
light better than ever. And
the Eighteenth Amendment
will save America when u
passes over the bootleggers'
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered u. 8 Patent Ofnea
By K. G. B.

AND HE'LL steal one.
AND you can re-
member.
WHEN YOU were a
/. kid.
f AND YOUR father
grabbed you.
FOR DoING some
thing.
|. YOU SHOULDN'T
have done.
AND PREPARED
your person:
y. FOR PUNISHMENT.
:. YOU PROBABLY
yelled.
WELL, WILLIE
Jones.
HE DONE it first"
AND IT'S been that
way.
SINCE THE world
began.
!. AND ALL anything
needs.
BE 1T good or bad.
is JUST somebody.
TO GET out and start
it.
AND I'M worried to
death.
NOW THAT a soldier.
IN THE Fox Hills
Hospital.
HAS BIT his nurse.
FOR WITH SO many
a soldiers.
AND SO many hos
:. pitfalls,
!. IT'S A terrible thing.
TO START biting the
nurses.
" l THANK you.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
ASK ANYBODY.
WHO KNOWS.

ASK ANYBODY.
WHO KNOWS.
AND HE will tell you.
OR SHE will tell you.
THAT THE power of
example.
is THE greatest
power.
IN THE whole world.
FOR GOOD or evil.
AND IF one man.
GIVES A lot Of money.
TO A worthy charity.
AND GETS his picture.
IN ALL the papers.
ANOTHER MAN.
WILL GO right out.
AND BE photo
graphed:
AND DO the same.
AND IF some woman.
WEARS A silly hat.
THAT LOOKS like a
salad.
OR ANY old thing.
SOME OTHER
woman.
WILL NEVER be
happy.
TILL SHE gets one.
AND IF some man.
STEALS AN
automobile.
AND GETS away.
SOME OTHER fellow.
WILL SAY TO himself.
THAT FELLOW
did it.
land WHY can't II"
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

The abolitionist of 1881
freed the slave. The aboli-
ZIONIST of 1920 shaved the
free.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11

Tell a boy he can't do
something and he will do II
IL he busts a leg. The boy
is father to the man. And
father,s legs Arc stronger.
The Washington times., 1921-02-11
FOR THE BIG MATHS.

J. FROZEN FACE, Jr.
Daily picayune., 1921-05-16
DR SUTTON DEAD.

News reached here this morning oi the death of pr !. II Sutton, which occurred at his home in sutton at ID :''' this morning Dr. sutton was ahoel ,5 years old and has lived in sutton for several years. He has been con fined to his bed 1l2 days and made T heroic fight fer life but even with the skill of physicians and care of nurses he could not ward off the death angel
 Bro. ] w Erwin will preach the fn- neral service and intcrment will he made at old Harmony Graveyard. to- morrow at one o'clock. He will he buried with Masonic honors. Cermo nie~ conducted ty Governor Thomas [ McRae
 He k survived by two daughters, NrS l.. C. sutton and Mrs l. F. Wren
Daily picayune., 1921-05-16
DUE TO REACH
 UNITED STATES TO-DAY

New York. May 1l, Georges Car pentier will arrive here tomorrow to prepare himself for that little engage ment with Jack Dempsey at Jersey City on July 9 The French champion will no doubt he most polite II his deport ment and have nothing more to re port that that he is ready to settle the question of supremacy between himself and the American mauler.
 It is certainty that the French man will be brash enough to tell uS that he will be at rhe champion He will tell us, no doubt, that he iS conf dent and trusts that the best man will win. Georges k too crafty to put him self in bad by making any silly state ments which he might not be able to sustain later on.
 The Frenchman will face the battery of interrogationS in his usual Smv" way. and when the tough ones are shot al him he will deliberate long enough to answer them most carefully through his interpreter Georges can take q head lock on the English language. bat when he finds himself in difficulty wherein d direct answer k necessary we will no doubt find him parrying until his aides Straighten him out II also K certainty that the boNef will announce he is Tn the usual pink for the fray and that he will do his best to carry the title over to Europe
Daily picayune., 1921-05-16
Attack Is FiendiSh.

Hardly had the party seated them selves at the dinner table. when, Miss Noore's sisters told the police. Morris jumped up and said that he had an nounced that he intended to kill Miss Moore. and intended to de it now. He began firing al hef. and she ran into the yard. Six shots were fred, four taking effect. After his revolver was empty. Morr.s is said to have leaned over her hody and slashed her throat from ear to ea" with his pocket knife He then attempted to kill himself
 Before being taken to a hospital her" Morris wrote will leaving all his property fo his little son Billie Ills recovery is doubtful