Omaha daily bee., 1921-08-14
LAPSUS LINGUAE.

Say Omahans, jever notice when you are
touring the west and you felt the old nostalgia,
better known as homesickness grip you by the
heartstrings and you hoped Union Pacific rat
tier at Ogden and settled down in double seat
for the old home strickland in your ardent
imagination you are nearing home even faster
than the train can carry you-and as the train
sacks you peek out of the window wondering
how far Omaha really is, and you flnd you are
dragging into station which sign informs you
is Green River?
Any pleasant memories of the pre-Volstead-
ian period which the sign conJures up are I'M
mediately overshadowed by meaningless post
script which seeks to inform you that you are l7o
miles from Ogden and 8l7 miles from COUN-
GIL BLUFFSl
With your mind full of Omaha and although
YOU have faint recollection of having heard OF
Council Bluffs some time in the dim and misty
past, you feel keen sense of disappointment
and even wonder if you are on the right train.
At Laramie, Cheyenne and other stops you
are again informed of the distance to Council
Bluffs, and having finally satisfied yourself that
you are really headed for home, you spread
gratifying haff-hour Illuminating on the myopc
obliquity and judgment that would prompt an
engineer to waste so much Of his life IN the use
less operation of doping out the distances to
burg where the trains merely stop tor water
For transportation company that prides it.
self on being up-to-date, you decide that these
U. P. signs are sadly wrapped up in the cobwebs
of antiquity, and you resolve to write the COM
pany letter advising the officials to look up
their records of ticket sales and ascertain what
percentage of travellers are Omaha-bound, and
to change those signs accordingly
They will find large majority of their pas
sengers are not interested in the distance to
Council Bluffs, Abydos, nor the Isle OF Yap.
Admitted that Council Bluffs, but Omaha de-
livers the goods!
FAMOUS SAYINGS. ..
Judge Cooley: II haven't had to comb my
hair since those bandits slugged me. Between
these hard-boiled yeggs and Doc kinyoun, got
permanent wave"
Economist advises the purchase of the cheaper
cuts of meat. Sail right, maybe, but can't ex-
pect family to make square meal Off round
steak.
BUS SERVICE.
Street car system over at Des Moines died OF
SUSPENDED animation. Company wanted cents,
! but people protested that cents wasn't fare.
City commsh slapped street car officials silly.
They were kind of silly in the first place.
Motor buses were already to duplicate tram
service. Duplication means as bad or worse.
First thing motor busses equipped with was
straps Buses run on Darwinian theory that
man descended from monkey. If he hadn't he'd
still be hanging from cocoanut tree.
Wise cracker who invented slogan, PAY as
YOU enter" Enables transportation buzzards to
get the shekels before bimbo's right arm gets SO
paralyzed he can't get his hand in his pocket
Bus with six, double seats has carrying ca
pacity of 40. Twenty-eight of em hang from
ceiling Other IL are dozen men who entered
ahead of the ladies. Whiskered gent sticks to
seat like fly on bald head since 18th amendment
gave man equal rights with woman.
Bus company furnishes elastic schedule
Should furnish elastic elbows. When bus people
put forth elastic schedule, gullible public
| grabs other end. Company begins to stretch
| schedule Public gets tired. Let's go and knocks
| bus magnates for set of fiat tires.
Street cars promise to stage comeback fof
| cents, provided hange-wheel busses are kept OFT
| car tracks and rubber tires off paved and un-
paved streets.
WATER, WATER, EVERYWHERE.
(Add realism in the novies)
Alice Lake in "Uncharted Seas"
| No, Myrtle, it isn't the initial cost of bob"
| It's the upkeep.
SURE ENOUGH.
Some girlies wear gartered hose
| Up DER the knee-cap's bone,
| But there are some. observer knows,
Prefer to roll their own"
AFTER-THOUGHT: The ideal ideal is a