Evening star., 1921-03-04
BY RING W. LARDNER.

They are carrying this here simplicity
adear to extremes. The Washington po-
lice force come out in the papers this
morning with a set of rules about how
us young visitors has got to behave and
the first rule says we mustn't wear no
valuable jewelry. SO as far as l am
CONSERVED the inauguration of 1921 is a
complete bust. Deprived or my jewels
am like a fish without soap and water
and from now on / will never think of Il
Washington policeman without nausea
They give as reason. that they was
afraid the old town would be fun of
pickpockets. but in another part of the
paper it said that 1,200 Boy Scouts
would be on hand to guard the public
vs.. thiefs and etc. They's something
queer somewheres.
The police mandate come as blow to
Mr.. Harding who expected to wear the
silver plaque that was give him by the
citizens of Marion before he left. lie
intended to wear it kind Of loose in the
hopes that some pickpocket with a truck
would get away with it in the confusion
Now he has got to leave it in the check
room at the hotel and trust to the dips
to relieve him of the check.
FnvOrite Speaks French.
The 1Iardings got to town yestcr-
day pm, and went to the New Jess
Willard. That is where most Of the
people stays that is comeing on cN-
cursion trains from Pittsburgh and
points in Ohio to see the big ccre-
mony, and Mr.. Harding thinks ma ayhe
If he can get acquainted with these
birds he Will find one of them that
he can appoint ambassador to Sap.
Next to where to hang the plaque. tn"
different amha hasSadorShips is the
thing that is giVtinG the new PrcSi-
dci,. the most worry. He has had
several men in mind 10 send to Paris.
but it seems like all his faVoriteS
can speak French.
l suppose most of my readers seen
in the papers about Marshal FoCh
forgetting his tea date with the King
Wednesday. Well. in this connection
a funny coincidcnt happened here
last night. | went to the dining room
at the new Jess for dinner and Hard
ing never showed up. He says he
Will meet the newspaper men once
a wk. after he is President. but /
won't be here then. And besides.
President Wilson said the same thing
when he went in office and you cant
find no reporters around Washington
today that ever remembers whether
he's got a beard.
On acct. of Gamaliel missing his din
ner engagement, l didn't have no chance
to ask him any questions in regards
to his reform ideas and etc, but | see
where he has rented his house in Marion
to coal dealer. so it looks like we
least 4 Years.
Our .S" President
Speaking about President Wilson it
was give out last night that he wouldn't
go back to the White House after the
ceremony at the Capitol, but would go
straight to his new home Woodrow
has did lot of things that no President
ever done before and he is going to be
original even when he amt in office
no more, SO he has picked out a home
on S street instead of . blocks further
out so people will half to refer to him
as the S president instead of the y.
+. Lots Of people has found fault with
Woodrow, but they won't nobody deny
that he is a glutton for punishment.
Here he has lived s years with the
Washington telephone service and still
wants more of it yet.
All the new cabinet members is here
and ready to get on the job. Mr.. HAYS
announces that when he goes in office
NE intends to hold open house once a
month at the dead letter office so as
people can go in and pick out the mail
they been expecting for years. Herbie
Hoover went Summing today for place
to live. He insists on house next door
to one where the children cries all night
like they was hungry.
Lawn Party for ..
Socially the day before Inaugural
tion was a busy one for | and the
madam After IL breakfast at which
covers was laid for two we attended