The Washington herald., 1921-07-22

that you yearn to behold ner peau-
teous countenance. and the seraphic
faces of her offspring, or to another
that your doctor has
recommended sea baths or mountain |
air for you, and II will be con-
venient for her to have you come
and make her a little visit.
Bear in mind that the U. s. mails
are still running and pen paralysis
is q rare disease. Also that the
telegraph and telephone perform
their accustomed functions and that
those who desire your presence win
have no difficulty in making II
known to you.
There are many pests that go up
and down in the land seeking whom
they may devour, but none Is SO
pestiferous as the self invited guest
Second: When you make visit, go
at the appointed hour, and on the
designated train Also take with
you a small amount Of baggage-
Nothing gives a hostess such sink
ing OF the heart as for a guest TO
arrive with a mountain OF trunks
that looks as IL she had come to
stay to the judgment day.
Third: Don't take your angel child,
or your Pomeranian pup, or
yonr cat, or your parrot, or any pet
Whatsoever. For the child that
draws pictures with . pin on the
best mahogany table, and plays,
cars oh the Persian rugs, and spills
things at table. and the strange dog
that howls by night, and the parrot
that wakes sleepers at dawn by its
screeching. cause a hostess to curse
her who brought these affections
upon her. and to write Never
again" against her in her visitors
book.
Fourth: II a food faddist and you
have to live on any sort of diet. for
Heavens sake stay at home, or go
TO a hotel where you can pay for
the trouble you make. It's sheer
brutality to inflict a bum stomach,
or unstrung nerves on your friends.
and II you have to live on stale
bread and SKINNED milk. or have
everything kept quiet while you
sleep of an afternoon. win the
eternal gratitude OF those who ask
you to visit them by saying mo-"
Fifth: Play cricket Be a sport. II
you are In Rome do as the Romans
do. Fall In with every plan that
mas Ocen Endoe IOT yOuT auluscnlcnes
and help push things along. II a
picnic has been arranged don't say
you ioathe sitting on the ground
and eating messy things with ants
and bugs in them, and that you will
stay at home and write letters while
the others go. II your hostess Is a
golf field who lives on the links.
golf with her. II she plays bridge.
"a IN rnaffar hn~
weary II makes you, for an un-
adaptable\guest is even as a bull
In a china shop. It upsets every
thing and messes up the whole
place.
Never forget that the only way
that a guest can pay her way Is by
making herself as agreeable as she
can Therefore pull all your little
psrlor tricks and go through your
repertoire. And. above all. can the
argument. II you differ with your
hostess on politics and religion, and
the proper length OF skirts. and
what is going to become of the
youth Of the present day, keep your
views to yourself. Nobody's ideal
Of an agreeable guest is one with
whom they were fghting all the
time.
Sixth: Soft pedal on your attain
ments and possessions, and swell
the chorus in praise of all that your
hostess does and have. Rave over
her views. Take a real heart in
terest in her tomato plant. Let her
descant to you by the hour about
her Minnie and her Johnny. Pat
her doggi on the back, and keep
silent about your own
II was to get a sympathetic audi
ence and to show of before you that
you were invited. You can get even
with her when she comes to see
you. Anyway. it's the price one
must pay for visiting in country
places for a country home seems to
bring out the vanity in people as
hot poultice brings out the measles.
Seventh: Always make your hos
tess feel that you are having the
time Of your life. Wear the smile
that won't come on. and whoop UP
the glad-I-am-here stuff. and when
you feel the smile beginning to
crack and that there isn't another
cheer in your system. get a tele-
gram that calls you suddenly away.
Eighth: Don't be a Grape hang
oheS ohN NCAl WHAT q RrdnQ
time she had last summer. when
she visited the Millionbucks ana
what splendid limousine they had
and how many servants they kept.
IL makes hostess think bitterly of
her tin Lizzie and her one maio
OF all work, and wonder why she
Is putting herself out to entertain
Ninth: Never iirt with your
hostess husband. nor her SON, nor
her brother. It's against all the
rules of the game It's hitting be-
low the belt Even a savage re-
spects the bread he has eaten. and
as long as you are under a woman's
roof all OF her possessions are sa-
cred to her.
Tenth: Make shott visits. That Is
the secret OF being a popular and
much sought after visitor. Ther.
are so many people we would like
to have come. II we could be GER
tain when they would go. Never
extend a visit. no matter how much
you are entreated to do so. After
climaxes always fall nat. Never
forget that IL is better 70 90 uhiha