The Washington herald., 1921-08-08
OURSELVES AND OTHERS.


TO settle than where to draw the
line between selnshness and un-
selfishness-
We do not want to be pigs.
Neither de We yearn to be the domes-
tic goat We recognize our obliga-
tions to our parents, our brothers
and sisters, our husbands, ana
wives, and children. but we also
have a duty to OURSELVES And
sometimes It seems impossible to
tell whether II Is better to offer
ourselves up on the sacrificial altar
erected for Us by our near rela-
tions, or to turn our tracks upon Il
and flee for our lives. Either way
Is filed with heartbreak and bitter
regret
Thi, problem Is peculiarly .
feminine one because men are not
often called upon to sacrifice them
selves for their families while
women constantly are. It is con-
ceded that a man has . right to his
individual life and to make Of II
what he can, but q woman's life
is considered as belonging to those
about her. and a family has no
more hesitation in taking IL from
her, and using IL for their own
behoof and benefit than they would
in seizing her umbrella and shelter
ing themselves under IL on . rainy
day.
Nobody expects the boys in a
family to give up their careers and
stay at home to cosset a croechetty
old mother and father. When sister
maSes a bad marriage and has q
bouseful Of children with nothing
to support them on she doesn't ex-
pect brother to shoulder her burden
for her. II never occurs to one Of the
boys that he must give up all
thought Of marriage and having .
home of his own because his mother
has died and there are little
brothers and sisters to be reared.
Oh. no. It's daughter who gives
up her job with its freedom, its in
dependence, its pay envelope. its
broader interests, to come home and
nurse the old people. It's sister
who puts from her all dreams Of
love and romance to work for an
other woman's children and mother
them At the time IL seems q noble
and heroic thing to Martha to give
her all to her family. but when she
IL an old woman and looks back
upon her sacrificed life. she II
mighty apt to think that her
martyrs crown Is nothing but q
foolscap. after all.
She can see that a hired servant
could have ministered to her
parents just as effectively as. she
did. and that her other brothers
and sisters should have been
forced to do their part in caring for
them instead cf wishing the whole
job on her. She can see that the
nephews and nieees she shaved to
put through college would have
made stronger men and women II
they had b,en compelled to make
their own way.
She can see that she has spent
her strength IN encouraging the lit
tie peculiaritieS and fostering the
vanities of those about her: that
her unselfshness has bred selfish
ness in others. and that, in reality
he has wasted her life in a mis-
taken sense OF duty.
For she has entirely ignored the
duty she owed herself which was
TO develop the talents God gave her,
make the most of the opportunities
that came her way, and to provide
for her own future so that, in her
turn. she should not be a burden
upon others
For that is the tragedy Of the
family martyr. When she has
served her purpose nobody wants
her. The other brothers and sisters
say how dear and sweet, and un-
selfish she is to take care OF moths-
and father, but when mother and
~ af
Martha to come aud live with them
The boys and girls whom Martha
educated and dressed by taking in
sewing. or teaching. or standing be-
hind a counter have no place in
their gay young lives fora frowsy
cid maid Of whom they are ashamed.
For the curious thing Is that no.
body ever appreciates the family
martyr or has any sense Of graft
tude towards her.
OF course everybody loves poor
dear Martha. but they have a sort
OF contempt for her. too, the con-
tempt that we all feel deep down
IN our souls for those who let US
impose upon them, and who have
not backbone enough to stand up
and fEht for their rights.
Martha may have given up her
lover and doomed herself TO
spinsterhood in order to take care
Of her parents, but she Is never the
favorite child for all that. The
children that father and mother
bras about are the bold. strong,
selfish ones who went of about
their own business of life. It's Tom
who Is making a fortune on the
other side Of the world. and Jane
who Is married rich and lives a
thousand miles away. and who only
comes home for a pop-in call on her
way to and from Europe. or some
fashionable winter or summer re-
sort. of whom father and mother
boast. Not Martha. They say
Martha never had any get-up and
getaway. Perhaps she didn't, or
she wouldn't be the family goat.
The reason Aunt Martha has no
money and has to be dependent in
her old age Is because she spent it
all on nephew and niece while they
were growing up. and needed food.
and clothes, and books and school,
Ing. Her pay envelope kept the
wolf away from their door. but that
toesn't keep the youngsters from
ooking down on her. and up to Uncle
rom and Aunt Jane who kept their
money for themselves and are now
able to flaunt around In motor cars
snd live in fine houses. ~
The moral of all of which seems
% be that our first duty Is to our
selves. and that II We fail TO look
out for number one. we have no
tight to complain because some
SOdy else d0aansf San p,an unaa r