davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
RIPPING RHYMES
BY Walt Mason.
REALISM


When I have filled my fountain
pen and found some foolscap blue,
I'll write a tale of tiresome men, and
tiresome women, too. I'll chronicle
their tiresome deeds, the tiresome
things they say; twill be 80 dull the
sport who reads will throw the book
away. Some little ten cent human
soul I'll analyze with glee. and hoist
it on a twelve-foot pole, SO all the
world may see. And dead game
sports who read my book will rend
their boards and wall. "Oh, let the
public hangman cook so punk and
fierce a tale!" But book reviewers,
bullying -browed. will praise 1t, line
by line; they'll say, "One book above
the crowd stands forth, sublime and
fine. The tale begins where 1t should
end, and ends where 1t should start:
no heroes through its pages wend.
no villains grieve the heart; 1t has
no action and no plot. no motive can
be found: and yet the volume hits
the spot. the technique Is so sound.
This is no tale of blood and bones.
but one in which we find the soul of
Pete Augustus Jones described as
twas designed" II you are tired of
stirring tales where villains get the
hook, and virtue in the end prevails,
wait till I write my book.
Copyright by George Matthew
Adams)
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

There Is an old Dane who comes
now and then to sharpen the knives
and scissors of our household. Ono
day I wanted him to sharpen my
scissors. and seeing him on the other
side-of the street. I hailed him. To
my surprise he refused to come over.
saying that he must go on. but that
he would be back In the afternoon.
Later in the day he explained to
me his philosophy. The sun. he said.
is the source of life; all living things
require it. man as much as the now-
ers or trees. Therefore, he made 1t
his rule. except in excessively hot
weather, to go up the east side of
the street in the morning and down
the west side in the afternoon.
I had a hard time getting rid of
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

Q. Are the Indians allowed to dis
regard the game laws?-H, NJ. r..
A. The Office of Indian Affairs
states that the Indians have no right
to hunt outside of their reser-
walton. without complying with the
game laws. Indians may hunt WITH
In their reservation without comply
ing with the state game laws, u the
Indian Office endeavors to have
them observe the same rules so far
as may be practicable. However, as
Indians are more largely dependent
upon game for their living, 1t Is not
practicable to limit them absolutely
to the state game laws, so long as
they stay within their own reser-
walton.
@. What is the name of the hot
wind that blows over portions of the
country bordering on the Mediterra-
ncan?-G. B. A.
A. There are several such winds,
The simeon is a hot, s~uffiocating
wind, carrying clouds of dust. and
is known not only in the Sahara Des-
ert and western Asia, but also in
India. North America and Australia.
The khamsin is a hot wind which
blows for about fifty days over
Egypt in the spring. The sirocco.
the samiel and the solano are all hnt
winds peculiar to different portions
of the Mediterranean country.
O. Has the tonnage of the ships
of the world come up to pre- war
status?--E. r. d.
A. The entire world tonnage OF
vessels of 100 tons or more was 49,
000,O tons in 1914. In 1920 this
AoI -1Sao 40 E7 o1A mn TONS
@. What is the longest railway
tunnel in the werld?-B. NJ. C.
A. The Simplon Tunnel. pro-
nounced 'sanplon." constructed
through the Alps, is nearly three
miles longer than any other tunnel
IN the world. Its entire length is
IL miles. 458 yards.
Q. What is electricity used for in
oil fields?-L. c. s.
A. Electricity is used in the oil
fields for drilling, motive power,
pumping water out of the wells,
pumping oil out of the wells. for
lighting. ct cetera. The flood system
of lighting was used in the oil fields
during the war, to prevent spies
from setting fire TO tanks. By this
system the entire area was made so
bright that no n could approach
the tanks without being seen.
@. Can a German who has been
in this country eve years get his
naturalization papers here now?-
G. w. NJ.
A. The Bureau of Naturalization
says that in order to obtain natu-
radiation papers a German citizen
must obtain presidential exception
from the alien enemy classification
through the department of justice,
Washington. D. c.. before he can be
naturalized.
Q. Have many people left Russia
during the Bolshevist rule?-E. e
K.
A. The American Red Cross says
that they estimate that there are
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

about two million Russian refugees
scattered throughout Europe. one
million OF which r in Poland.
Q. How did st. Vitus' dance get
its name?-I. M. C.
A. st. Vitus' dance is so-called be-
cause st. Vitus was thought to have
control of hysterical complaints.
Q. Do ivy and woodbine injure the
trees to which they cling Pix. ID.
w.
A. The department of agriculture
says that such vines as grape, ivy
and woodbine do more damage than
may be commonly realized. Their
heavy foliage and small branches
shade out and kill the leaves of the
trees and their weight alone often
bends over the tops of trees which
are thus either killed or rendered
very unthrifty. The vines them
selves have no value and should be
eliminated by severing the paren;
stem near the ground.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

If each line begins with a capital letter most
men won't read the printed offering. They will
call it Poetry, and let it go at that.
The clause in the Income Tax law admitting
that a wife costs 1000 a year was framed by a
Bachelor. A married man would have given
other married men at least $4,000 exemption.
Once In a while you will find a business that
will run itself. But it is different with a News
paper.
OF course they wouldn't think Of wearing
them. But I'll bet a nice warm p~etticoat would
feel pretty good these cold mornings.
When a woman wants a hat she'll examine
621 hats before she is satisfied. But when she
wants a Husband she takes the first thing that
comes along.
No man was ever so homely thai his wife
on him.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
IF YOUR EARS RING
WITH HEAD NOISES

If you nave roaring. buzzing noises
your ears. are getting hard OF hsaril
and fear Catarrhal Deafness. 90 70 yoI
drugEist n get ounce of Parmil
double strength, and add to II y pij
Of hot water and a little sranulated q
gar. Take 1 tablespoonful four times
day.
This will often bring quick relief frd
trils should open. breathing become ca
ana the mucus stop dropping into Il
throat. 1t 10 easy TO prepare. costs HIT
n Is pleasant to take Anyone WHO hi
Catarrhal trouble of the ears. ID hard
hearing or has head noises should 81
this prescription a trial-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
TO QUESTIONS

ANY reader can get the answer TO
any question BY writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau. Frederic J.. Haskin. Direc-
tor. Washington. .. c. This offer
bureau cannot give advice IN legal.
medical and financial troubles II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor I o undertake exhaus-
tive research on IN subject. Write
your question plainly and briefly.
Give fun name and address and en-
close " cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Tbere Ain,t No sicb AnimaI,

There Amt No Sich Animal!
A rare young man
Is Billy Blows;
He knows more than
He thinks he knows.
Luke McLuke.
But wiser far
Is Old Man Hill,
He knows the time
Fol- keeping still.
Detroit Free Press.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
HIS TROUBLE is ALL GONE

81 was affected with pains all over my
back and kidneys" writes Charles
McAlister. 1 Clark Ave, Kearney. NJ. j.,
after three or four doses of Foley KID
ney Pills l became all right and my pain
is all gone.', Foley Kidney Pills relieve
backache. urinary irregularities, rheuma-
tic pains. stif joints. swollen muscles and
other symptoms of kidney rouble. 1t Is
a splendid medicine. prompt in action,
and always helps. Contains no habit form
ing drugs. Sold Everywhere.-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

The much-battered pickpocket. supported by
two policemen, was waiting for an ambulance
to take him to q hospital for repairs.
What happened to your" asked a man who
was passing.
81 tried to pick that guys pocket" replied
the Pickpocket. "An / found was a dime, but
he caught me slipping the dime out, and he
nearly murdered me. Who Is that little heavy
set guy, anyway
sWhy. that's Harry Lauder" replied the man
who was passing.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
can out of stem But Jamesie."

A little man who was on a jury that was dis
charged because 1t could not agree after a four
day elaboration was asked what the trouble
was. And the little man angrily replied:
Eleven of the stubbornest darn men In the
world were on that jury. / was willing to vote
right, but the other eleven were so blame stub
born that they couldn't see things my way"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

A woman who was spending a few weeks a
a Colorado mountain resort receives this note
from her husband in New York:
Pull down the shades at night. Remember
the mountain peaks"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

A whole lot of men hope that Overseer
voliva, of Zion City. is correct in his Guide To
Hell. Voliva claims that when a drinker goes
to hell he will have TO live in a natatorium
filled with beer, wine and whisky"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

The hands on statues mostly are
Eleven inches long;
For, were they twelve, they'd be a foot;
You see that would be wrong.
r. N. L., Boston, Mass
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Ho. Hum!

If you would frisk the cellars in that tow
you would find that NJ. T. Case. OF Frankfort
Ky, isn't the only one.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Fact.

At an evening reception,
A man can believe,
That the sharper the elbow,
The shorter the sleeve.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

ways f1ndingitto give renewed strength
and health at once. ! heartily rec
ommend' DR.. Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription to all women who through
overwork, or other causes, become
rundown, weak and nervous."-MRS.
MARGARET BOLTON, IS Sheridan
Ave. No alcohol AL druggists.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
A Profitable Arrangement.

'Tt says here that they are shipping prohi-
bition whiskey into Pennsylvania in collins"
said the Old Fogy, as he looked up from the
newspaper he was reading.
'Weli,' commented the Crouch. that ought
to pay. The collins can then be used by the
men who drink the whisky"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

I think I'll write of charming May.
I'll write her praises night and day;
One hundred words. a grand array,
I know will rhyme with that word may.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Are you Overworked?

Trenton, N. j.
IT was in an
extremely run
down and ner-
vous condition
when I first COM
menced to take
DR.. Pierce's Fa-
vorite Prescrip-
ton. ! found 1t
excellent as a
tonic and ner-
vine and have
taken it several
ime 8 since
when in need OF
such a tonic al.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
TunI

Iona Mine runs a boarding house in West
chester, Ind, but she has to buy her coal, even
as you and l.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Goshi

You have often heard of an April Fool. But
what we started to tell you was that an August
Jester lives in Huntley, III.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

EVERY politician should have convictions"
argued the Student.
'Huhi" replied the Rounder. "A lot of them
would rather have acquittals."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
AVENEL

Mrs. Mitchell. of Burnet street.
was a Jersey City visitor Sunday.
Mrs. s. N. GreenhaIgh and daugh-
ter Ethel visited in Brooklyn SUM-
day.
Mr.. and Mrs. H. ]. Baker and Irv-
ing Baker were Jersey City visitors
Sunday.
William soper. OF Jersey City. Wis
tied Mrs. w. N. VaVn Slyke Sunday.
Eileen Elizabeth Moran .daugh-
ter of Mr.. and Mrs. Edward A. Mo-
ran, of Douglas avenue celebrated
her first anniversary Sunday after
noon. Games and dancing ~ en-
joyed by the children. Little Eileen
received many pretty gifts. among
them q gold pin from her father
and a beautiful bouquet of flowers
from Master Charles Schlundt.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
BITS OF BYPLAY
By Luke McLuke.
ICopyrisht. 1870, by The Cincinnati Enquirer.


/ hate the herds
of men, by jings:
Who use big words
To say small things.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01
Paw Knows Everythin,


wnlie-Paw. what is the mother tongue?
Paw-Baby talk, my son.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

Men DO The Preaching, But Women Do Thu
Teaching.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-02-01

william Soper, of Jersey City. Wis
tied Mrs. w. N. Vavn Slyke Sunday
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

Pop as smoaking an thinking
and | was doing my lessin and
wishing | wascnt, and ma opened
the setting room door to come IN
and the door screeked like eny-
thing, ma saying, Now William
that door still screeks after all I've
sed to YOU on the subjeck, now
refuse to come into the room TIL
you've oiled it, for the Tooth ana
last time are you going to oil that
door or are you not! ,
are, immcerditly, sed pop, 10
had it done long ago ony some
thing happened to prevent me.
Wat happened, Id like to know;
sed ma, and pop sed, | forgot all
about it. ;,
How brilliant, sed ma, well I'm
going to telefone to Mrs. HeWs
awhile, and that door had better OF
screeked its last screek by the
time | get throo; that's all | got to
say. Have you any ideer of the
Hews telefone number?
Yes, | bleeve it has a 9 IN it, SEQ
pop. y
o keep quiet, sed ma. And she
went down stairs and pop stopped
reeding the paper and stretched
himself, saying, Well, | CESS ]
got to oil that confownded door,
And he started to reed the paper
agen, me thinking, G. he forgot all
about it apen. III do it and serpl1ze
him. And | went and got the OF
can and Souerted oil on the hinge
and the door stopped screeking
and prittv soon ma came up, say
ing, Well Willyum, is that door
oiled?
Wat, O, that door, we'll you SCI.
that wont take me a minnlt. SEE
pop. and ma sed, Willyum Potts
you're a terrible man and | won
speek to you for a week and may
be a munth And she tried the
door and it dident screek, ma say
ing, Willyum, you did so oil it, {
please Excuse me for misjudglnf
you.
Well, Ill let it go this time
but I'm getting tired of being mis-
Judged, scd pop looking like some
body trying not to look serprized
and | .sed, Hay pop, smell my fine.
ers. do you wunt to smell some
thing funny. And | stuck M
fingers agen.t his nose before he
had a chance to say he diden'
wunt to smell them, and he smell
the oil. saying, Very.funnv indeed
90 and wash them and take this
dime and don't spend it all in ono
place unless it happens to be the
movies.
WITCH it did.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
Walden

Mrs. Leon Chase has a hen
which recently laid a pair of eggs
Of full size which are connected at
the small ends by soft shelled
tube about IA inch in length and
diameter. That was two eggs a
day.
Walter Kittredge has rented the
Harry Kay house at the heights.
Mr.. Kay has moved his family to
North Thetford where he has work
in H. P. Hood milk station.
There will be Christmas exercis-
es and tree at the church Satur-
day evening by the children Of the
Sunday School and Noyesville and
Four Corners day schools. All
come and bring something for the
tree and the children, who may not
get anything else.
There will be Christmas eXercis
es at the -Four Corners Friday
evening.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

ing that the town authorities do
supply the Textbooks needed on
time for the beginning of the
term; to make some bean-bags or
Il swing or a see-saW for the child
ren's play time; to haul load OF
sand for sand-pile, for the little
ones; to organize neighborhood
bee to clean up the school-house
grounds; if you're woman to
join with others in giving an en-
tertainment to make the money to
buy hard wood boards for a new
floor, and than if you're a man, to
Join with others in laying it with
out further cash expenditure
there is no enterprise in the wide
world where a small amount of
work will go so far as towards a
splendid cause as in improving a
country school here in Vermont.
We don't need to wait for state
aid to help us (although there is
state aid ready to help any COM
munity that will bring is school up
to seventy-fve per cent standard)
nor for town meeting to take act
ion.
Anybody who will write the
State Department of Education,
at Montpelier, asking for an Off
cial rating card for rural schools,
will get it, and with this in hand,
any one of US can get good idea
of what needs to be done for the
particular school for which, owing
to the location of our home, we
are responsible. Then if we will
write the state official in charge
of this work, Miss Rose Lucia, at
Montpelier, we can get an exact !
of how and how much
the State will help. And then we
can just roll up our sleeves, and
do as every American likes to do,
in attacking problem, start
now" and edo it ourselves!
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
CONSTANCE BINNEY AT
PLEASE u TODAY

Never before has Rcalarts'
wonderful star appeared to 50
great advantage as she does in
this tremendous stage success
"Thc Case of Becky She Is dos
cribed as being adorable in her
very difficult delineation of the
girl Becky" and her swift
changes of character are little
short of marvellous. The picture
is alluring, mysterious and unusu-
al. Beautifully set, and faultlssly
produced. The continuity holds
together without a break and the
action moves rapidly. See it.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

Entered as sccond~class matter
May I, t9lG, at the post office at
st. Johnsbury, Vermont, under the
p.t Vt March 3, 1879.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
SimantOn Loses In
CONTINUED from Page ID
Auto Case

vOOIICIIIUCU I II
cause one of the defendants wit
nesses was quarantined for scarlet
fever in Hyde Park. The case was
John Gilbert V. David and Alphce
Pelletier and a controversy over a
contract for the sale OF the
defendants farm in Hyde Park.
Mr.. Gilbert, who is a Hardwick
real estate dealer, claims $500
commission. 1t is claimed that
he had a six months contrac55 for
the sale of his property but that it
was sold by some one else before
that date.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

FOREIGN REPRESENTATI f
The julius Mathews Special
Agency Offices: Boston, l Bea-
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

New York, III Madison Avenue.
Chicago, 1411 Hartford Build
ing
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
PASSUMPSIC LODGE

Regular communication Thurs
day evening, Jan. 5, $50 p. m. for
dispatch of business.
Arthur M. Lang, w. M.
Fred H. Dolloff, Sec.
Haswell Chapter, No. IL, r. A. M.
Called convocation 7.30 p. M,
Friday, Dec. %, 1921.
Stated convocation Friday, Jan.
IS, 1922 at 7.30 p. m.
Fred H. Dolloff, Z. II. P.
r. A. Pearl, Secy.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

II tranepiree that the ga'lows
that Senator Watson said the A
E. f. boys were executed on was
only a crane for unloading gas
tanks, All right, Senator step up
and be unloaded.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
WEDNESDAY, DEC. 81, 1921
EDITORIAL

All through Vermont these days
hey are killing big fat hogs and
having fresh pork dinners. And
yet there are those in tbs ties
who drinks cambria tea, MUNICH
waters and think they are living.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21

The governorship candidate list
has been elongated by the addition
OF the name of Senator S. c. Car
pentcr Of Richford. 1t is not yet
learned whether be is a hard, soft
or mud road candidate.
The Caledonian-record. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1920-current, 1921-12-21
THRILLS APLENTY IN
AFTER THE SHOW

DO you want to take a trip be-
hind the scenes of a musical COM
edy show? Then see William dc
Miles latest Paramount picture,
CATER the Show, which comes to
the Globe Theatre tonight. The
photoplav is said to be one of the
most delightfully."- human stories
ever screened, and is rich in dra-
matte and emotional situations
Jack Holt, Lila Lee and Charles
Ogle are featured.
If the speeding motorists will
insist on running people down,
thew should take more pains to
pick out persons whom the COM
munity can spare.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1921-10-06
MEXICO OPENS RANGES
TO j. S. CATTLEMEN

MEXICO CITY, Oct 6.-G. N. So
With the purpose of encouraging the
bringing into Mexico of cattle from the
United States, President Obregon has
ordered a reduction in import and ex-
port duties which will amount to about
SO per cent. The reduction began on
September /.
There were several reasons for this
action by President Obregon, He de-
sires to see Mexico's ranges restocked
and thinks, it is said that step in
that direction would be to make it
easy for cattlemen in the United
States to use the rangeland in the
northern tier of States Chihuahua,
Sonora, Coahuila and elsewhere.
The suppositon is that, while much
of the cattle will be later taken back
to the United States, some will remain
in Mexico and that eventually the
range VIII be filled again.
At present there are millions of
acres of good range land upon which
there is not a cow.
1t is also expected that the leduc-
tion in duties will bring about re-
duction in the price of meat, which
will tighten the burden of the poor,
who are facing the double difficulty of
high prices and scarcity of work.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1921-10-06
Artistic Bowl Financed by
Selling 10000 Seats Cow
ering Ten Year Period.

BERKLEY, Cal, oct. 6.-Provid-
ing for a double-decl arrangement
that will project the spectators to.
ward the playing field much as spec.
tators in theatre are projected to-
ward the stage, CALIFORNIA; Memorial
Stadium, to be built adjoining the
State University campus at Berkeley,
will offer something distinctly new in
stadium construction, according to
plans just announced. The double
deck arrangement was followed in
building the stands at the Polo
Grounds in New York, but the great
university stadiums of the country,
notably the Harvard Stadium and the
stadium planned by the University of
Illinois, are planned on q different
basis, as is the Yale bowl.
The California stadium to be erected
during 1921-22 as a memorial to all
citizens of the State who lost their
lives during the Great War, will fur
ther carry out the idea of theatre con-
struction by being closed at both ends.
1t will be elliptical in form and will
have a seating capacity of 10000, al
lowing five feet for each spectator
The stadium will be within scarcely
more than stones throw from the
fine group of buildings constructed
during the last six years on the cam
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1921-10-06

Mrs. Guy Norden spent Thursday
with her parents.
J. s. Jones finished digging his po-
tatoes He had $50 sacks.
w. M. Chelf and Mrs. Dallie Earl at
tended the Round-tip Saturday
Elvn Jones returned to Milton Mon
day. He will enter college next Mon
day morning, October 10th.
Barker Brothers finished hauling
their wheat Monday. They have 557
sacks In the warehouse here.
d. c. Knowltoh has been on the sick
list the past week. but is somo better
at this writing.