The Washington herald., 1921-06-20

The war. which knocked most OF
our fondest faiths galley west.
seems to have played hob with the
cheerful theory that Absence makes
the heart grow fonder."
The divorce courts of both Eng
land and the United States have
sent out an S o call for help. They
report that they are overwhelmed
with business, and that never in
the history of the world were there
so many men and women frantically
seeking to break their matrimonial
bonds, and they further state that
in three-fourths of the cases the
people who desire divorces have no
real grievance against the ones to
whom they are married. They
frankly state that during the time
that the man was away in the army
their affection for each other per-
ished, and they now nnd life to-
gether uncomfortable.
1t was to be expected that the
great majority of war brides would
become peace Divorces, because
marriages that were entered into
on the spur of an emotional mo-
ment, when girls married anything
that looked good in khaki or pc
cause they were romantic or au-
yenturous, or ayaricious, had no ele-
ment Of stability in them. But II
is surprising and disheartening 10
ana that the seasoned matrimonial
timber, so to speak, also broke un-
der the strain Of absence.
For Il would seem that the situ-
alton would tend to draw a hus-
band and wife together, and to call
out in each all that there was OF
love and loyalty. The mans dan
ger, his courage, his response to
his country's need-one would think
that this would thrill a woman's
heart with pride in her man and
keen her heart centered on him.
The wife at home, who represented
all that a man was fighting for and
risking his life for-one would
think that she would be the lode
star that would draw her husbands
every thought to her and home.
Perhaps this was generally true
during the time of actual peril. but
Wnen the war was ONSIg anu hhC
man returned home. and the hus-
band and wife tried to take up
their everyday life together, they
found out that something insidious,
intangible had happened to them.
They had somehow lost step, and
they couldn't catch it again. They
knew not how, or why, but they did
not it in their old places.
The truth was that absence had
done its deadly work. They had
grown in different directions, and
undoubtedly - in addition to the
multitude Of weak brothers and sis
tiers who are clamoring for divorce
because they were alienated from
each other by the separation OF the
war-there are thousands of cou-
pies who are now stoically bearing
the misery of a mismated marriage,
who would have rocked along in
commonplace comfort IL they had
never been parted.
Nor is this hard to understand.
We get the habit of the people with
whom We live. We are too close to
them TO get a perspective on their
little ways and peculiarities. John
can become so used to Mary's COM
ing to breakfast in curl papers and
kimono that he does not actually
see them. Mary can have heard John
gurgle his coffee behind his paper
SO many morning that her ear does
not register the familiar sound.
We often wonder how a man can
endure to live with a fretty, nagging
wife, who complains about the same
things every day and who warns
him every morning when he goes
out not to be run over by the street
10 wear his overshoes, or to be
sure to walk on the shady side
of the street. We marvel that wom-
an does not commit suicide who
has to endure a husband who spends
his time monologuing about how
wonderful and great he is.
The reason is that these husbands
and wives are so accustomed TO
each other that they have ceased
to notice each other or to listen
to each other. and their saliva
tion lies in their never being sep
arated long enough to get good
clear view of each other. Absence
Is fatal to them because when they
come together again they see each
other as they are. and without any
of the softening veil of romance
through which they beheld each
other in their youth.
1t is as disillusioning to go back
to your own family after a long
absence as it is to go back home,
and just as the one recipe for be-
ing contented in the village in which
you were born, or on the old farm,
Is never to leave it, so the only
way to keep the fires burning on
the altar of love is to stay and
tend the furnace.
We never stay still. As long as
We live we either grow and i'm
prove, or We shrink and deteriorate,
and IL a husband and wife hope
to keep together spiritually they
must be shaped by the same en-
Sironment. and this is why those
who risk a long separation jeop-
ardize their-ove.
For the man who roams far afield,
who has strange adventures, and
broadens, and polishes. through con-
tact with the world cannot help
but grow away from the little pro-
vincial wife he has left behind him.
And likewise, she is weaned from
him. and he becomes a stranger
to all her modes OF thought.
When they meet. they have moth
ing in common. They are as con-
strained and as dumb with each
other as We are when we meet our
old school fellow and find that we
cannot take up again the old in
timacy.
Yet husbands and wives get on
each others nerves when they are
cnDtfnmallxs ,.tt.