davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

Ia the major leagues. the ball
players have the world series to
shoot at.
It is the ambition of every player
to be on team that wins Q major
league pennant. which gives right
20 perform in the big series.
Football as played in the colleges.
particularly the institutions that
year in and year out have great
teams. have a similar rating in
sport to the major league clubs.
Getting In a world series carries
with 1t a certain amount Of glory,
plus a share of the receipts Incl
dentally it usually means a boost
in salary for the next year.
Winning a place on the All-Amer-
lea team. by a few of the recognized
experts. is like getting into a world
series 10 the college football stars.
Fame and glory so with such a
selection. Likewise it has its pleas
ing financial feature. When n play
/ err is recognized as All-America tim
Der ne Immediately is deluged with
offers TO coach.
Only the other day DO" McAuuin
OF Centre college. who is through
az that institution in June, received
an offer of $1,000 a year and five
f year contract TO coach at a southern
college
There has always been much dis
satisfaction with the selection of an
f All-America team by one expert. A
year ago it was suggested that a
group of the leading sporting writ
I ers. who specialize in football. De
agreed upon 10 make the selection.
/ For some reason this idea fell
through.
The practice Of having the team
selected from the views of a num-
Z Der of coaches is not entirely new.
T however the Football World. a pub
location devoted entirely 10 exploit
inS the gridiron game. comes 70 bat
with the idea on a much larger scale.
TIE Football World gathered the
opinions of 267 coaches on the sub
ject of an Au-AmeriCa team. Here
is the team formed from the views
expressed by the leading coaches of
he country:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

Now there's coach at Princeton.
Whom we believed until
He said, "Our track team - the
bunk"
That's a hard -to-swallow Pill!
We READ where Brown univer-
sity Is going 20 play Green.
The college with the best football
team has the longest railroad ticket.
A rolling rassler gathers no moss.
A wicked left and then a right.
He ragged and kicked with all his
might,
His eyes lit up like stars at night,
he couldn't get a 34-inch tire on
a 36-inCh rim.
Jordan. the Yale captain-elect. Is
smart in his books. which puts the
odds on Harvard.
Jake Schaefer knew what he was
doing when he picked Cont
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

For church suppers or banquets
be sure TO order Mathews rauss
bakery. Our rolls, pastries and pies
viii make the party a success.
241-tf.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15
THERE'S A REASON.

Jim Barnes is a wonderful golfer,
He never. never dubs.
But gracious me, now why should he
With more'n three dozen clubs2
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15
BENTZ ELECTED HEAD
OF PENN STATE TEAM

STATE COLLEGE. Pa. Dec. IL
H NJ. Bentz. OF Ebensburg. Pa. cen
ter for two years was yesterday cleo
ted captain Of the Pennsylvania state
college football team for 1922.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

AL SC cigars. Z for soc. E.ngers
33S-tf.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

soc plug Horseshoe. star soc.
EnEers 23s-tf
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

rs percent Reduction sale. YER
mons 334-tf.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15
GREAT HEADWORK.

NAAAf-AA AAA--AAf ~ jim
Jess Willard said he'd battle.
Without a single fee.
But Richard couldn't see it
The fans might want i'm freel
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-12-15

TIE Football World gathered the
opinions OF 267 coaches on the sub
ject of an All-America team. Here
is the team formed from the views
expressed by the leading coaches of
he country;
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

@. What size are the submarine
chasers that are to be sold? To whal
purpose can they be put?-C.C.G
A, These submarine chaser'
which can be readily converted into
yachts, are 10 feet in length. with
a normal displacement of II tons
They were manned by a crew Of IL
men In charge Of two officers. buI
the crew could be reduced to nine
with safety.
O. Why was the 4th Of March
selected as Inauguration day?-I
NJ. c.
A. The original day chosen was
not the 4th OF March. but the hrst
Wednesday in March. This hap
pened to be the fourth of March,
and although the first inauguration
did not take place upon this day,
it became the date for the quad
rennial Inauguration.
@. How did Fleet street get It's
name?--A. M. p.
A. This old London street takes
it's name from the Fleet Stream
This small creek is now arched over
and converted into n of the large
city sewers.
@. How many islands are known
as the Fiji Islands? Is the climate
tropical?-F. w.
A. There are about zoo islands
in the group known as the FIJI Is
lands. OF these. about 80 are in
habited. Contrary to the popular
impression. the climate is not ex.
tremely warm. The temperature sell
dom rises above 30 degrees or falls
below 60 degrees.
Q. What Is the exact meaning
Of etiquette ?-B. NJ. O.
A.. Originally, etiquette signifed
a slip of paper attached to a bag or
other object to signify its contents.
The custom sprang up of issuing
such slips of paper to men II
women who were to take part in
ceremonious affairs. These set
forth the rules to be followed and
the part the individual was to play.
In this way. etiquette came to mean
forms prescribed for social and Of
fetal occasions.
G. Can you tell me in what op-
era it was that Mary Garden sang
in New York about 1908? 1t was
an opera OF which I had not heard
beofre and Of which ! have not heard
since. &C. X. I.
A. You probably have reference
to Gustave Charpentier's Louise
which was first produced in New
York, January 3. 1908.
@. From what kind of birds are
quill pens made Pm. r. r..
A. The feathers of the swan are
excellent for the making OF quill
pens. but goose quilts are most COM
monty used. Grow quilts are said
to be best for fine writing and draw
ing.
@. Who said: "If the people can't
get bread. let them eat GRASP
A. A. w.
A. This remark was attributed to
Joseph Francois Foullon, who on
July IL, 1883. vas appointed In
France as minister OF the kings
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
DIVINE RIGHT,

Newspapers lately have been printing a pic
ture of former Emperor Carl of Austria and his
family in their temporary home in Switzerland.
here sits Carl, Invested of the uncomfortable
trappings of royalty. and wearing a neat bust
ness suit.
As Carl Hapsburg he looks like any father
who has come home from the office. and ia pass
Ing the lovely spring evening on the front porch.
surrounded by his family.
The family presents a picture OF contentment
in which Carl Hapsbury seems on the point Of
saying: ma, this is the iife!"
But "Divine Right" comes along and says:
carl Hapsburg, what do you mean by sitting
here on your porch taking 1t easy? Think Of
yourself. a Hapshurs. striking your divine mis-
sion!'
whereupon Carl, stepping out Of the picture
Of contentment. tries a pitiful return from Elba.
And the sad world, seeing the little man playing
Napoleon, at length discovers something to laugh
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

SO 1t seems that Rostand did not
close his dramatic career with
'Charticleer' in which Maude
Adams, most feminine of actresses,
was most appropriately, but with
singular effectiveness, staged for a
male part! He had previously risen
to- the very zenith of fame as the
author of 'Cyrano de Bergerac" and
did not decrease that fame by his
authorship of "Chanticleer."
I Now. to the surprise of the liter
airy world, it 10 made known that
ten years ago. in 1911, he completed
another great work, combining po-
etio power and dramatic force. 1t
has not yet been published in Eng
lish, but advance descriptions of it
appear in some of the literary jour-
nails.
1t Is called THE Last Night of
Don Juan"
Everyone knows what sort of man
Don Juan was, He was a libertine
most reckless. And we might ex-
pect his last night to be one OF deep
shame and remorse.
But the satire of the poet is found
in this, that he denies to Don Juan
any such luxury of repentance. The
tears which r collected from the
eyes of women he has wronged, and
which he thinks, with a vanity he
would substitute for penitence,
might be to him a cooling drink in
hell. are found to have been shed
over the loss of a bat, or yer a
trivial disappointment. He has had
small share in any of them. And
now there ia denied him, not love,
but the capacity for loving. That of
which he is deprived of which he
has deprived himself.
Rostand did not write as a moral
list. He would have resented the
idea that any such purpose was TO
have been expected OF him.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

household. The exact words were
supposed to be. III they are hungry.
let them brouse grass. Wait until
I am minister. I will make them
eat hay: my horses eat it."
9; Where is the oxuS River'--
A. The Oxus was the ancient
name, of the Anu Daria, the princi-
pal river of Central Asia. 1t sep
arates Afghanistan from Bokhara
and empties into the Sea of Arel.
In ancient and vel medieval times
the Oxus was supposed to empty
in the Caspian Sea.
Q. Who was Foul-Weather Jack?
ID. v. II.
A. This was a nickname given to
the English Admiral John Byron,
on account of his i'll luck at sea,
both in sailing and in fghting.
9. Who is known as the Queen
Of the Antilles PC. r. K.
A This name is applied to the
Island OF Cuba
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
THE LAST NIGHT"
By DIR. W. e. BARTON

But he displays his insight into
human nature and life when the
devil awards the punishment to Don
Juan. He does not make Don Juan
a great villain, but a consummate
fool.
mot that Anything but that!
Let me roast in hell" cries Don
Juan.
But Satan, as in enc of Kipling's
strongest poems, will not waste coal
nor space in he'll where gentlemen
sleep three on a grid, to such a tool
as Don Juan. He must live, TIE
clown. the fool.
The characters in the play are
mostly women, thosa whose hearts
Don Juan supposes he has broken,
But they do not appear to reproacD
him with his sin; they laugh at his
folly. his impotent helplessness.
Satan is courtly and leisurely, and
has a fine vein of humor; he is in
no hurry; he knows he will get all
that Is coming to him.
But poor Don Juan! He is not
even a high class villain: he is
doomed to wear his motley, and ap-
peal as in a Fundamentally show
the incarnation of stupid folly.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
To Relieve Catarrh,
Catarrhal Deafness
And Head Noises

Persons suffering from catarrhal deaf
ness. or who are growing hard of hearing
and NAVE head noises will be glad to
know that this distressing aftiiction can
usually be successfully treated at home
by IN internal medicine that In many
instances has effected complete relief c.
ter othe treatments have failed. Suffer-
ers who could scarcely hear have had
their hearing restored to such an extent
that the tick of a watch was plainly au-
dible seven or eight inches away from
either ear. Therefore. IL you know Of
someone who is troubled with head noises
or catarrhal deafness, cut out this for.
mula and hand It to them and you may
have been the means OF saving some poor
sufferer perhaps from total deafness. The
prescription can be prepared at home and
is made as follows:
Secure from your druggist Oh. Par
mint Double strength.) Take this home
and add to It u pint Of hot water and 4
little GRADUATED sugar; stir until dis
solved. Take one tablespoonful four
times . day.
Parmint 10 used in this way not only
to reduce by tonic action the inflamma-
ton and swelling in the E%ustachian
Tubes. and thus to equalizs the air pres
sure on the drum, but to correct any
excess OF secretions in the middle ear.
and the results II gives are nearly al
ways quick and effective.
Every person who has catarrh in any
form, or distressing \rumbling. kissing
sounds In their ears. should give this re-
cipe a trial-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
MAKING A CITY "DRY.,

While the present strict enforcement Of the
dry" law in New York City may be considered
only a fash in the pan 1t shows what the police
can do when they try. New York had the dry
est Sunday in many years this week because it
was known that the authorities meant business.
Even the flask toters we're in a panic. 1t is all
nonsense to say the law cannot be enforced. 1t
depends on whether the police want to enforce
it or not. When they show a real disposition to
do so even New York City can be made dry"
What is true of New York is equally true Of
Perth Amboy and every other city. All kinds
of rum selling has been going on in Perth AM
boy illegally, the truth of which has been
brought home to us in a most horrible and
forceful manner. The police can stop this any
time they make up their minds to do so.
Chief Tonnesen. by his latest orders to the
members of his force shows the way. All that
is needed is for the chief to prove that he is
sincere in what he says. He has ordered his
men to enter any saloon or establishments where
they may suspect that liquors are being sold. II
they find evidences of violation they are TO make
arrests.
Evidently the chiefs orders are not taken Sc
Tiously. There is no reason for believing that
the city is any dryer today than it was before
nv iSSN'S = ~
saloons still dong business at the cid stand.
They still have their sect er = up at thr.r c-.ocow5
and doors aid while they may not be NJ pros
porous az te:o G, they e":tsiniy are noe l:or,
alive by the sale of only such stuff as the law
now permits.
All the police would have to do would
be to enter these places every once in
a while unannounced to obtain all the evidence
-.aIaI -,rp,;e ,;sit 81 froo,,a~< pforyaIS
would soon do the trick. That is, it would be
effective il the policeman was not on too friend
ly terms with the proprietor Of the place and
merely shook a finger at him instead Of arrest
ing him,
We fear that many of these saloonkeepers are
too much of the good fellow type for the aver
policeman to do anything with unless there is
a real determined effort to close up the place,
just as there was in New York Sunday.
The police raided one place very successfully
recently-after a foul murder had been COM
mitted. Why not try a little OF the same remedy
before the murder instead of afterward?
The activity in New York followed the pas
sage OF a drastic dry law by the New York
state legislature. But the New Jersey legislature
has just passed a dry law equally as drastic.
il not more SO. than the one passed In flew
York. What are the local authorities going to
do about it?
Chief Tonnesen has given his orders and he
has force of character enough to see that the
orders are carried out provided he is let alone.
Who is going to stop him? What influences viii
interfere? Whose interests are being placed
above the good name of the city: 1t is UP to
Chief Tonnesen to see that his orders do not
become a farce. !
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
RIPPING RHYMES
By Walt Mason.
TRAINED HEADS

lILfAlNLD IIIFADo
I think it wise to train domes
to think of pleasant things, of works
of art and high class PONIES. fair
brides and wedding rings. When
some old gossip comes along to
spring a low down tale, ! think
| about the peaks of song, where
| scandals don't prevail. All thoughts
a habit more or less. as in our
groove we trot, and If we think
about distress. distress will be our
lot; and If our thoughts are full of
fear. instead of hope and glee. they'll
make our brief existence here a
painful thing to see. When l fall
sick of humps or govt, my thoughts
are dark as sin. until l force the
dark ones out, and let the bright
ones in; and l have found this can
be done, however great the pain:
when one is thinking of the sun he
doesn't think of rain. When one
is thinking of the hills where sun
shine goes to waste. his thoughts
are lifted from the pills that have a
widowed taste. l try to think that
life is good, however harsh 1t seems,
that all the troubles I've withstood
were merely seen in dreams; and,
thinking thus. l find that life is
wool and two yards wide, and I in
vite my aunt and wife to take a
flivver ride.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

INkB NICIJuk6 SdyS
Funny how a man outgrows his belief in Santa
Claus, yet never loses his faith in Get Rich
Quick schemes.
1t Is almost impossible to abuse another man
without a comeback. Even. the orneriest man
has a few friends.
Rud Kipling should revise that pome of
his. Nowadays q man doesn't have to go East
to raise a thirst. He has to go East TO quench it.
Ours Is a strange langwidge. Frinstance, a
Bigot 10 about the smallest thing on earth.
Some couples are engaged so long that Loves
Young Dream dies OF Old Age.
Some OF our Reformers are so narrow mind
ed that they imagine a girl can't be Innocent
unless she is Ignorant.
Some of the girls dress as though they are
firm believers in the saying that Figures Can't
Lie.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

what money and valuables they have are safer
at home may wake up some morning to realize
their loss. Rather. by far. put faith in the hon.
esty and ability of the business men Of the city
to properly manage the financial institutions
here and who have provided every safeguard
possible to protect the wealth Of the community.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing h Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau. Frederic J. Haskin, Direc
tor. Washington, d. C. This ohsr
applies strictly to Information. The
bureau cannot give advice on legal.
MEDICAL and financial troublea II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles, nor to undertake sxhaus-
tive research N n subject. Write
you. question plainly and briefly.
Give full name m address and en-
close two cents In stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
HELPED HER LITTLE GIRL

Children need all their strength for
growing. A lingering cold weakens
them SO that the system Is open to
attack BY more serious sickness.
Mrs. Amanda Flint, Route 4. New
Philadelphia. o.. writes: "Foley's
tried many things and found moth
ing to help until I got Foley's Honey
and Tar" Gives immediate relief
from distressing, racking. tearing
coughs. Sold evrywhere.-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
SbriR Sog.

SbriR SOg.
Ib glad the robid's here, by jig,
For thad's, of course. a sign of sbrig
I chadged by heavies idto thids,
BY legs are cold, so are by hds,
Bud lib berry. berry as cud be.
For sbrig. sweet sbrig, is here. you see.
DO bore by tobcoad I wear.
Through thid shird sleeves I feel the air;
BY head, it feels lige a ballood,
You see, / took tneb off too sood:
But Ib berry, berry as cud be,
For sbrig, sweet sbrig, is here, you see,
Robert Griebling.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McLuke.
Copyright. 1920. BY The Cincinnati Enquirer
Poor Old Grandma!

Poor Ol0 OTduuJuds
How strange to our sight is old grandmother
| clothing, when faint recollection presents IL 10
| view. The styles of those days we regard no"
| with loathing, for she wore fool stun that you
eouidnt see through. The wide-hanging hoop
| skirt, the big clumsy hustle, helped give a Shape
like a young bale of hay. To one-step with mel
would have been quite a tussle. she wasn't half
! naked like girls of today. The basque that sne
wore was a thick bunch OF draping' me dIggons
not a thing to keep young fellows gaping, ana
you could not see her pink skin umastne a ~
bashful, they tried to be modest for modestys
sake, they never went out wearing gowns tnat
were rashful. the clothes that they wore were
both thick and opaque.
Some Thin
Gosh. but that man is thin, isn't he? ex-
Fl sure u.s." agreed Jones. why. he's al
most as thin as the ham in a railroad restaurant
"your friend is a man of Striking personality"
YES" replied the Crouch. Hes a labor agi-
tator."
Roses Is Roses.
He told her that she was q rose,
He married Mary Grind:
And she Is still a rose. he knows
The saffron yellow kind.
Boy. Page the Hanging Committed:
Sign on a store in Windsor, Nova SCOTIA:
Lynch
The
Grocer.
Mean Brute!
80 you do not believe in early marriases?'
said Miss Oldgirl.
II do not" replied Mr.. Oldbatch. "A d-n
fool is usually a grandfather before a wise man
thinks Of marriage"
Advice.
If you tickle the heels of a mule" said Dan,
you may escape. my lad;
But do not monkey with a man
Who grins when he gets mad"
So Live, Etc.
One time when an upper berth is better than
a lower berth is when you are gong on your
last long ~journey.-Luke McLuke.
AMI it's a lot harder to earn an upper, though
the demand is sitter for the lowers.-Wilming.
ton News-Journal.
Honk. Honks
Some OF the noise making devices on motor
cars scare you to death. But what we started
to tell you was that you can find Otto Horn at
2215 West Chicago avenue, Chicago, Ill.
Where?
Where have they gone? They used to be a rule.
I've thought OF them so many times OF late.
Where are the things you used to use in school
The little round slate pencil and the slate?
Art MINI, Milwaukee.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
Oh. Joy!

We have seen the combination ice box and
folding bed and the combination bathtub and
pool table, but a Cincinnati man has evidently
vented a new article in furniture. Pipe this ad
in a Cincinnati newspaper:
FOR Standardization bookcase and coal
range.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

Dear Luke: If we would replace the first "a
in Vacation with an so we would soon hav'
prosperity back in this country-R. J. s., Gaff
ney, s. c..
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

Dear Luke: / have been taking your cours
In How TO Be A Humorist.' wrote a fev
iokes to read them to my friends. / am nov
compelled to wear a baseball catcher's masl
to protect my nose until it heals W
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12
lake McINke Says

Our Daily Special.
Some Men Never Reach the Age OF Discretion
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

Where have they gone? They used to be a rule.
I've thought OF them so many times OF late.
Where are the things you used to use in school
The little round slate pencil and the slate?
Art MINI, Milwaukee.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

Some OF the noise making devices on motor
cars scare you to death. But what we started
to tell you was that you can hnd Otto Horn al
2215 West Chicago avenue, Chicago, Ill.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-12

So Live, Etc.
One time when an upper berth is better thar
a lower berth is when you are going on YOU
last long journey.-Luke McLuke.
AMI it's a lot harder to earn an upper. though
the demand Is sitter for the iowers.-Wilming'
ton News-Journal.