Evening star., 1921-04-10

damn. damn.
If he'd only cut her loose.
And his repertoire would use
He could beat his present record
by ID mile.
Bryan Also There.
William j. Bryan. carrying
peddler's tray. joined the group.
Il brought along "a choice col
lection of policies and ideas Tor
the PreSIden ,-eieCt to inspect, ana
am sorry he is not here
They look kind OF shopWorn
to me-" it was suggested.
But they are all good. Never
been used Here's bully for
eign policy, a crackerjack labor
policy and my dry plank lett over
from San Francisco.
Then col. Bryan. who was one
of the clup members, 40 the ar Oh
Little Buttercup." sang this song:
They call me the Commoner,
a may.- ,he tommoner,
Though l could never tell why;
Whil. | talked 50 quietly,
With due sobriety.
A modest peudier am |.
I've policies Turing
And ideas enduring.
To make earth a real Paradise;
The poor would be richer,
The rich would be better
il al NOuItl " NY ItiHi'' "'''~'
I've planned a new party
With prospects so hearty
And twenty-eight points in my
scheme:
While Wilson projected.
The worlds peace protected
With only fourteen in ms dream
Then list to the Commoner'
The only Commoner,
Statesmen should never be shs'
Come try out my notions
My nostrums and lotions,
The bIarneyist Commoner. l.
Messenger Inaugural "Simple.
The inauguration of n. .. Messeh
ger of The Washington star as the
now president of the Gridiron Clun
was severely simple ceremony. ioi
lowing distinguished precedent ln
A berobed justice OF the
court. accompanied by a committee
of citizens, addressed the presiding
officer in pantomime. A booR was
extended and the new president ue
clared firmly Il do" as he placed ms
hand on it. Some of the committee
were moved to sobbing and tears.
What on earth is going on uE
there" cried voice from the enc
of the room. We cant hear word.
We have just inaugurated the
president of the Gridiron Club, was
tHS IeSpOHSc
But what are those fellows crying
a bout
They are leading citizens of Wash
ington trying to give three cheers
for d simple and economic lnauSura
ton.
Initintes' Ambitions
Carter Field of the New York Trib-
pne Jay q. Hayden of the Detrolt
News and Robert b. Armstrong oi
the Los Angeles Times were initiated
as active members of the club, and
Arthur B. Pierce. Fred East and j. +,
NJ Bowie were initiated as associate
members. All had TO submit to rigid
cross-examination as to their quail
fications. in which it appeared that
each aspired to be a member of the
new presidents cabinet"
Asked why he wanted to be Secre-
tary of State, Mr.. Armstrong said
Il want more junkets abroad and
fewer dry dinners at home"
Have you any qualifications for the
job?"
"At least one. l can't get elected
to anything at home
Mr.. Field wanted to be Postmaster
General Asked if he could improve
the mail service he said. Il don't see
how i could make it any worse, and
Mr.. Hayden insisted that he ought
to be Secretary of Labor. Il though,
all you Michigan people wanted to
go into the Senate" said the exam
iner.
NO it costs too much"
Aren't you aware that your owner
ship of stock in a distillery disquali-
fies you?"
But 1 disposed of my shares.
traded them all for the stock OF
liquor Moreover. l can transport 1t
to Washington If anybody can"
The three associate initiates de-
manded admission because they could
bring harmony into the club. and
proceeded to prove their familiarity
with harmony by singing their inten-
tions." CHASING themselves as three
best minds"
"Laddie Boy" Gives Secrets.
During the evening it was neces-
sary for the chair to call to order a
group of club members who were en-
gagged in a controversy. One of them
maintained that President Harding
has a personal confidant who hears
everything and knows everything
about it. The others protested
there amt no such animal" where
upon the first man proceeded to prove
his assertion.
'Laddie Boy" President Harding'f
airedale. was brought in on leash
by Jackson. his keeper. without the
Presidents foreknowledge. and placed
upon a table. The disputants asked
him questions, while another was to
listen for and communicate his
replies.
I.addie Boy" he was asked. "how
much Of the allied loans Is the Presi-
dent going to cancel?"
listening. What was the answer
Nothing at ALL"
"Is Col Harvey. at the Court of St
James. to be unmuzzled and free. OIL
dumb"
.i.addie Boy. when President Hard
ing called on the Senate to ratify the
Bryan Colombian treaty did the re-
publican senators take their medicine
silently or indulge in indignant
speeches."
absolutely speechless."
When he was asked II Harding
was the greatest President the coun-
try has ever had chorus Of "woof
woof. woor' surprised him, but he
wagged his tail in approval.
Policeman "Cans" Democrats.
A couple of southern statesmen ap.
peared in the we'll and were intro.
duced as. Democratic Leader Under.
wood of the Senate and Democratic
Leader Kitchin of the House. The,
declared they came to offer their helI
to the republican administration anc
assist in making 1t a success.
But their arnicable protestations were
interrupted by the arrival of po.
liceman. who denounced them as &
couple of gunner. He threw oper
their coats and showed them to bt
armed with pistols, knives and q
saw ed OFF shotgun.
Now look at your angels Of peace,