The Oakes times. [volume] (Oakes, N.D.) 1906-current, 1921-02-03
sKuDDARD ON THE INCOME TAX
Dukes Experience Not Unlike That of
Average Citizen

We were sitting with our feet piled
on top Of our desk last evening, won
dering why the government isn't run
by electricity, why water won't run
up hill and why we aren't worth sew
eral million dollars instead Of a few
cents, when our reveries were dis
turbed by the entrance Of a strange
individual. We failed to recognize this
sorry specimen Of humanity at first,
but close inspection revealed the
fact that our nocturnal visitor was
none other than our old friend, Duke
Skuddard. AS usual, we felt that
his presence meant ill tidings, and we
weren't disappointed. After taking a
couple of shots at the cuspidor, and
missing by several feet, Mr.. Skuddard
proceeded to unburden himself.
II used to think that the ingenuity
Of man in devising means Of torture
had been exhausted when negroes
were burned at the stake down south,
but my feeble intellect is unequal to
the task Of fathoming the depths Of
devilishness hidden behind the brow Of
the average congressman. We send
men down to Washington to invent
laws which it will be impossible for
US to live up to, which is all right az
far az it goes, but two or three yeers
ago they run out Of somethin to do
an one ov them suggested that thay
spring sumthin new on the deer pee
pull. Thay appointed committee to
investigate an the result was an in
fernul conkockshun now nown far an
wide az the incum tax law.
"While I wuz over in Frantz this
tax bugaboo didn't bother me nune,
cauze waz too buzzie keepin behind
the fellers wot waz chasin Germans,
but since peece haz came an things
are thinkin about returnin to normul,
it behuves the average citizen-meen-
in me-to sit up and take notais. At
first I didn't take the incum tax law
SERIOUS, becuz l didn't figure the little
COB Of jack I made wud interest Unkel
Sam. But I sune found out that it's a
mighty poor gink wot don't make
more than 1000 dollers yeer, wich
same il the limit wot you don't hav
TO pay taxes on.
$50 wen this feller asst me had
made out my, report leant one eer
little closur an asst fer sum infer
nation. He told me that it didn't
make any difference how much money
I made, I had to make out report
anyway, even if didn't hav to pay
no tax. So 1 set down an ordered a
repourt blank frum the nine thous-
andth assistant to the tax collectors
old maid sisters pet duck. Yu no
these triflin matters are never paid
no attention to by the collector his
self-hes too buzzie lookin after more
importunt matters, such az fer ing
stance who is goin to run for congress
in Africa and why airships hav to
take runnin start before they leave
the ground. That's perculiar too be-
cuz when feller ,haz paid his tax
there's nuthin left but the ground.
Well, wen the aforesaid document ar
rove / thort somebody had sent me
copies of every Congressional Rec
ord which had been got out sence Abe
Linkum ernt his livin splittin logs.
Thare wuz one great big sheet filled
with writin and instruckshuns about
how to raise hogs m hell m every
thing, an after I'd luked it over a
vile / new there wuz no use in me
tryin to make it out intelligently, 20
to speek, SO l hurried an found a
lawyer who had nine weeks to spare
an told him to go to it for me. He Ia
bored over the dinged thing fer two
days, charged me a stiff fee an then
com thru with the information that
l didn't have to make that one out
cauz it wuz fer corporashun. Ki1
va beet it? That assistant secretary
to the collectors goat tilort / wuz q
corporashun.
$50 then went home an brot bacl
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