The Washington herald., 1921-10-26
PEOPLE GAIN MUCH
TRYING TOLIVE UP
TO EXPECTATIONS
How Married. Folk In
spire Each Other.
To Rise.
BY DOROTHY DIX.

was trying to comfort an old
woman whom death. had robbed of
tne husband with whom sh had
IIVed in almost idyllic happiness for
nearly fifty years.
lou were such a wonderful wife
70 him" said to ner, only a rev
weeks before he died he said to me
that you were one Of Gods own
hooiewomen and how blessed he had
oeen IN having you for q life COM
All" she replied, John always
thought the best of me, and so had
70 give him the best that was in
.-e. IL would have amazed him SO
20 tind out that could be petty,
ana mean, and little that I had to
oe big. 1t would have Mortified him
so 70 see me give way to my tenn
per- and act like a shrew, that 1
earned to control myself
why, I even learned how 10
COOK, and keep budget, and be
thrifty and economical because he
married me under the delusion that
would be a good manager. and
Know how to run my end OF the
Partnership as well as he ran his.
He always made me feel that he
expected great things Of me-that
l would always do the right thing
IN every situation; that / would
nave courage. and wisdom. and pa
tlence, and I tried not to disappoint
MN. We all make an effort to live
up 10 our blue china. you know.
He always thought the best OF
me- and SO I gave him the best that
was in me-"
wonder IL that Is not the real
secret OF how to make marriage a
success? wonder il husbands and
wives. who only look for the gold
IN each other, don't find the prec-
lous metal instead Of dross? won
oer II in every human being there
- not both an angel and a devil,
ana II the one does not come forth
that We summon.
Certain IL Is that most husbands
and wives seem to believe worst of
each other. and to call forth what
Is most disazreeable in each other's
natures. The average married
couple live in a state of perpetual
pickering over tribes Apparent
~ neither one ever expects the
other one to do the right thing I'M
der any circumstances, and they
spend their time criticising each
other, and dwelling on each others
shortcomings.
Compliments in the. family circle
would cause the recipient to fall
dead with surprise. Secretly the
husband may still admire his wife,
but he would die before he would
tell her so. At the bottom of her
soul a woman may think her hus-
band a giant among other men, but
wild horses could not drag the ad-
mission from her. Each feels IL to
be the sacred duty Of a husband or
wife to be an expert hammer
wielder, and not a salve spreader.
The man has listened to his wife
recite the litany OF his faults until
he feels that she regards him as a
poor. miserable. make-shift of a
man who will never make a success
OF life, and who Is stingy. and tyr
annfcal. to boot. The woman has
had her husband tell her so often
that she is fool. and a bad mana
ger. and wasteful and extravagant,
and that she muddles a story when
she tries to tell II. and has the out
look Of hen. that she thinks that
he regards her as a failure as a
woman, and doesn't expect any
more Of her than he would of a
half-wit.
And this induces in the man and
the woman a what's-the-use atti-
tude toward matrimony. which is
the most demoralizing thing that
could happen to it. The man says
what's the use Of my trying to be a
good husband. and a good provider
for my family, when all the thanks
/ get at home is critisicm because
/ don't do better. The woman says
what's the use Of my denying my
self things that 1 want in order to
save. an dOf my cooking and sew
ing to make a comfortable home,
when all the reward that I get is a
knock from my husband
So both slump, and both are very
apt to come to justify the evil ex-
pectations Of the other. One might
as well be killed for a sheep as a
lamb and II one is going to be