davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
RUBE BAREFACTs QUERIES.

HUbE bANErASTS aUEHIES.
Q. What ts the reason a man al,oaws
gives q girl q diamond enoaoemewt
rs~0' A. SPARKLE.
A. The women.
Q. What makes some of these sales
girls act like movie queensf
A. You can't blame 'em much
just think of the curtain calls they
get.
Q. Whenever have a date, I just
let nv conscience be my guide. Do you
think that is riohtf INA LOVE.
A. Yeh-and amt It fun to get lost?
Where do you live?
Q. what Is good for that all-rv~-
do,on Jeeiingf WEIsB N. HEIMER.
A. Play the market on margin
thatrl put you on edge.
Dempsey's Wef LYON DENIM.
A. We refer you to the article in last
months Punch--its knockout from
start to finish.
Q. Do you think the expression.
"Spdre the child, spoil the rod" Is traef
HAT TANN.
A. Sure-we known sassy Ill
cracker who says she was spanked AZ
far back as she knows.
O. what do people mean ,ohen they
soy nv oirI Is a perfect s6f
N. o. LIGHT
A.-You ought to know, you've
been around her often enough.
OHIO.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

Perhaps some of your nuts
will describe the worlds mean
est man. Our description OF him
is the one who takes his best
girl on a joy-ride. promising not
to kiss her, and then keeps his
promise. ME, HIM and !.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
FINANCIAL WORRY.

Rastus-My ole woman drives me
crazy bout money. All 1 hear is
GIN me a dolla, give me nifty cents,
all de time money, money.
Mr.. Jones-What does she do with
all the money. Rastus?
. Rastus-Deed l doan no. / ain't
done Civ her none yit.
SAM SMITH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
JULES BACKENHEIMER.
No one can get into the old colyum
by "KNOCKING" for admission or
"KICKING" the door open.
JOE C..

"DISGUSTED" writes the editor
that we permit too much praise of the
column. That's the only way some
OF the contribs have of getting their
names in," he says. He states he has
been in Washington only month.
Maybe he's right, but may be doesn't
yet know how many thousands swear
by the q. o. G..
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
A Ninth Street barber shop
sign:
POSITIVELY NO CREDIT.
IF YOU CAN'T RAISE
TWO BITS IN CASH
RAISE WHISPERS
H. d. H.
THE DEADLY KISS MICROBE.

pledge the kiss,
Whose poignant bliss
Comes from a microbe-so they say.
A microbe-ho!
IL this be SO,
lie tickles in a pleasant way.
And so / say,
'If man must die
OF microbe that and microbe this;
I'd rather sip
The. fatal lip
And take my microbe in a kiss.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
THE WRONG KIND.

THE WRONG KIND.
The stork visited a home where the
six-year- son is OF an inquiring
mind.
Looking over the new arrival. he
exclaimed: "Oh, nanny. 1t hasn't
anv teeth. and no hairw Then, in de-
spair. "Somebody has done us! It's
an OLD baby" c. ]. and +. w.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
A FANS TRIBUTE.

Sure you can't beat Heard and Seen.
Its satire and wit are 30 keen;
Its sponsor, Bill Price.
Has put IL ION ice"
Wen see that his Mem'ry's kept green.
l sure am an II. and g. fan.
Its humor each evening 1 scan.
Its satire and wit
Make a sure-nre hit
It's read from Beersheba to Dan.
II. Il. TAYLOR
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
SHE WAS PARTICULAR.

A young lady wanted a place as q
store detective. She said she'd had
eight years experience.
"I'll just put you through a cur
sorry examination" the proprietor
told her.
"sir," she Hared up. "if you've any
cursing to do, wait till / get out OF
the office"
TILES BACKENHEIMER
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
Mr.. SchUab 8
VndicutiOn
~ HARLES M. SCHWAB to a
| . peculiar degree typifes the

drafted by the Government, like
soldier. He protested, both on the
ground Of his private business and
on the ground that the Bethlehem
Steel Company was already engaged
an munition contracts and that he
ought not to be involved in Govern
ment contracts with orders.
But the Government insisted that,
as he had proved himself to be the
greatest organizer of industry in the
United States, the Government had
the right to commander his services
to energize and maximize the indus
trial man power and resources in the
I United States.
He abandoned his private business
and devoted sixteen hours a day in
the hardest years work of his life
to stimulating shipbuilding in more
than hundred shipyards from the
Atlantic to the Pacific.
He had nothing to do with making
contracts for ships. The Admins
tration, through Chairman Hurley,
retained complete control of the f.
nancial arrangements. The great
task to which he devoted himself
was the production of ships.
The result was that in eighteen
months, starting from a small
nucleus of a few shipyards, the
United States broke the world 8 rec
ords for shipbuilding, eclipsing
even the maximum effort of Eng
land, whose normal capacity was
five times that of the United States.
That a man who patriotically
gave everything that was in him,
with results that probably no other
American could have achieved,
should be falsely charged, after his
work was done, with grating is not
only heinous injustice, a fragrant
wrong, but crime, for which
loose e-talking accountant should be
punished.
At the hearing before the Con-
gress Committee, for the first time,
the fact was brought out under oath
from Government officials that Mr..
Schwab had not only refused all
compensation for his services, imi-
tating the example of George Wash
ington, but that in his constant
journeys back and forth across the
continent, from shipyard to ship
yard, he paid all his travelling ex-
penses, refusing reimbursement by
the Government. This fact would
never have been known except for
the false accusation.
The expert accountant who was
guilty of the hideous falsehood was
unable to present to the Congression-
al Committee, when summoned be-
fore it and confronted with the
voucher, any excuse for his SANDER.
The voucher was fully explained as
q charge against the Bethlehem
Steel Company, and not against the
Government.
The Congress Committee, Repub-
licans and Democrats concurring,
congratulated Mr.. Schwab upon his
complete vindication and thanked
him in the name of the Government
for the great work he had done.
No wonder Mr.. Schwab, who is a
strong man, was moved to tears by
the demonstration accorded him by
the Congress Committee. The evil
dence was a splendid and deserved
tribute to him.
The American people are not
fools. They remember that when Mr..
- 4
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
Money Not All Powerful.

Money, in truth do much, but IL cannot
do ALL We must know the province of 1t and
confine 1t there, and even spurn 1t back when
II wishes to get further.-Carlyle.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
An Odd Fact About Eggs.

It Is very interesting to notice the various
shapes and coors OF eggs OF birds OF different
species, but, strange to say, the wolks OF all
eggs are Invariably oval in shape, something
that scientists have been unable far to
plain.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
THE RIGHT IDEA.

jolly the fellow who's down today,
Give him a smile for his sorrow.
The world sometimes has a funny way,
And YOU may be down tomorrow.
ANXIOUS.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
Wild Animal Ranches.

farmer who established n beaver ranch on
Prince Edward Island has sold the first pelts for
from $40 to $50 apiece. Vilhjalmur Stefansson,
the arctic explorer, has leased the southern part
of Baffin Island to raise reindeer and caribou.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
A City of Mystery.

Sheshuan, in Morocco, which Spanish troops
have recently surrounded, Is one of the few cities
left in the world whose streets have never been
trodden by white man. 1t is the Holy City of
the Moors and jealousy guarded from Europeans.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
HE DIDN'T LIKE 1870.

From the Ills of 1920
noIiver me, I've had a plenty.
From bills and bombs and malcontents,
From politics and lofty rents,
From oil stocks and wood alcohoI,
And home brew-saddest thing OF all.
From ouija boards and all that stun,
Deliver me- I've had enough.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
One WaY.

Mummy. I'm goin' to give Auntie Maud my
spade and pail for Christmas"
whatever for, Willie|
80 that she can kick 1t. Daddy said he would
have a lot of money IL only auntie would kick
the bucket"
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

When the fast MAIL train passes
the station the people always say
there SHE goes" How 'tis?
A. S. B.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
THE sPINsTER FELL. toe

A maiden passed with sllken hose,
Well suited for display;
The spinster puckered up her nose,
And turned her head away.
The maiden went her way content,
The men ell stopped TO stare;
The apinster saw, and then she went
ANU V DIXIE.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
TROUBLE.

The trouble that trouble most always brings
Is troubling trouble with almost nothing;
The best we can do Is to face II out,
BRIDGEPORT.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
WATCHFULNESS!

Under the heading, Gas Over
comes Girl While Taking Bath" the
Passaic Courier carries this item:
Miss Cecilia NJ. Jones owes
her life to the watchfulness
OF Joel Colley. elevator boy,
and Rufus Baucon. janitor."
SAYS WHICH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

RICHARD VAN GENDER, a seven
year-old boy of Morris street north
east. contributes creditable draw
ing of young people scrambling for
III and s.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
ON PAINT.

II a girl has the good sense not
to use paint at all, the neighbor
women say she puts 1t on very
skilfully."
DEyILIsH GREY EYES.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

w. w. D., of Alexandria, Va. has
made 1873 legitimate words from the
letters In the word Washington"
while G. A. ID. makes 131 words, using
no letter twice in the same word ex-
cept m" which occurs twice in WASH
ington.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
A colored man near 14th and VI
streets who had some puppies for
sale, put up this interesting sign:
POODLE PUP PIES
FOR SAIL HEAR.
HELEN.

"Hush!" for Her Husbands
Friend" Is way Down East" and
mot So Long Ago she may have seen
'The Love Light" in 1.-The Hope" that
some day The Revenge of Tarzan"
would be the end OF Passion"
MILO II.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
What word Of six letters con-
tains six words besides itself,
without transposing a letter?
ELIZABETH DEMAINE,
Alexandria

Philip for the first time kisses his
girl.
Fred. from under the sofa-Say,
give Sis a smack. and then she can
go fishing.
Philip-How's that, Fred?
Fred-Oh, / heard ma tell sis today
she thought you had begun to nibble
the bait, and sis said it was about
time, as she had been angling long
enough.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
CAUGHT AGAIN.

CAUGHT AGAIN.
Hal-Have you heard the empty box
story?
Jack-No.
Hal-It's just as well; there's
nothing" in II. SPLINTER
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
OBSERVATIONS.

OBSERVATIONS.
n detectives lived on onions they'd
al,paps be on the scent.
The mosquito 10 religious. He
sinos oper US and then preys on VS..
+. w. u.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
Modern Revelations.

The proof Of the drinking is too often In the
post-mortem.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

We must hand it to the beauty
parlor ladies'. They know all the
wrinkles. +. VETTER.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

would rather see three yards
Of a bright baby's smiles on the
screen than three reels or
vampires Vaccinations.
JOE c.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
G11EARD, nsEEra
By BILL PRICE.
By BILL PRICE.
ODD. ISN'T ITs

ODD. ISN'T ITf
A match has head. but no face
watch has q face. but no head
A river hss a mouth. but no tongue.
A wagon has a tongue, but no mouth
An umbrella has ribs, but no trunk
A tree has q trunk, but no ribs
A clock has hands. but no arms.
A sea has arms, but no hands
A rooster hss a comb. but no hair.
BROTHER h.
A girl is never so disappointed a.
when she asks her "cut up" male
friend to behave and he behaves.
SAYS WHICH.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01
A HOT PROBLEM.

A HUT PROBLEM.
Remove letter from three
words and leave something hot.
III. ID. B.
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

A teakettle can sing when IL is
merely filled with WATER. But
man, proud man. is no teakettle.
IL. ID. b:
The Washington times., 1921-02-01

have a school girl friend who
Is so modest she won't do I'M
PROPER fractions. CURLY.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23
BRIEF INFORMATION

The ostrich lives to be about ninety
years old.
Portuguese is the language of about
30,0OO,000 people.
Two-thirds of all window glass is
blown by machinery.
1t is said that diamonds have been
discovered in fallen meteors.
Bagpipes are shown on a Roman
coin dating back to 68 A. u.
h Alexander the Great is said to have
been buried in a coffin of gold.
May was regarded as an unlucky
month for marriages in ancient Rome.
About 3,OO0,OO0,OOO tons of solid
matter is carried into the ocean by
rivers each year.
Two Cincinnati robins selected the
caves of a busy steam shovel as an
ideal place to raise a family.
The white clover and the hydrangea
have a similar floral meaning, as the
first reads, Think Of me-" and the
second, Remember"
The buzzing sound made by flies is
produced by the rapid vibration of
the wings, which may amount to 6OO
beats q second.
The first woman's magazine in
America was edited for fifty years by
Sarah J. Hale, who was ninety years
of age when she retired from the edi-
torial chair.
Since the return of King Constan-
tine the Greeks have taken to wear
ing the monocle for some unexplained
reason. This is the only symptom of
ultra-smartness which marks the res
toration. ---
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

America has between 1900 and 1000
golf professionals
The elephant seldom sleeps more
than four or five hours a dAy.
Some of the best hour-glasses con-
tain powdered egg shell in. place of
sand.
Graphite from which pencils are
made is imported from Mexico and
Ceylon.
Hellum is nonintlammable and there
fore safer for balloons than hydrogen.
In the Balaeric islands donkevs
and horses are blessed on ST. An
thongs day.
In 1919 half of the population of
Great Britain went twice weekly to
the movies.
Prof. E. W. Brown worked for 80
years on his 'Tables of the Motion of
the Moon" published in 1920.
NJ. Cevard, the head chief in the
household of King George and Queen
Mary Of England receives $4,000 a
year.
Snakes of the viper type have their
poison fangs channeled so that the
poison is conveyed to the deepest part
of the wound.
When Napoleon BOnaparte was
made emperor, his empire included
nearly all of Europe, with the excep-
tiOn of Russia, Turkey and Great
Britain.
Miniature balloons carrying scien-
tific instruments for recording atmos-
pheric conditions have risen as high
as 10000 feet before bursting, when
the instruments are brought down by
a parachute.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23
House Divided Aoainst Itself.

He who sits above the waterfloods
is still working out His ways, and
mans extremity is, as ever, Gods op.
portunity. But if we are to be real
sharers in this task of divine recon
struction, and fulfilling of Gods pur-
poses for the human family, it be-
hooves US to do our utmost by prayer
and effort to repair the breaches which
human waywardness has wrought in
that instrument which He has de-
signed, and through which He has cho-
sen especially to work out humanity S
salvation-the church of the living
God, the One, Holy, Catholic and Apos.
tolic Body of Christ. For until these
wounds are healed the church must
present herself as a house divided
against itself; and, because the Sav.
ior's prayer for a unity in the lone
fold" remains unfulfilled, His enemies
continue to triumph, and the forces
which make for righteousness are
thwarted.-Bishop Howden.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

The one thing indispensable in the
service of Christ we cap learn no
where else except at His feet. Here
is the spiritual secret which makes 9
saint so potent for the highest good
For it is true of saint that "the least
of his words and actions may be OF
more vital effect in the world than
the life's labor of any or the herd OF
benevolent people who are busted
about much serving" Our Lord said
concerning His chosen friends: For
their sakes 1 sanctify, I consecrate
Myself" Even when we set apart all
that was unique in His self-consecra-
tion-all that He alone could, once for
all, achieve-those solemn words come
home to every disciple. For their
sakes l consecrate myself.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

munists. Reform after reform has
been announced, but the Moscow
papers say that difficulties are aris-
ing at every turn.
Secklov and other more radical
writers, however, are filling the
Pravda and Izvestia with arguments in
which they attempt to show that free
trade already has proved an utter
failure. They are also adopting the
Il told you so" attitude and suggest
ing a return to ironclad communism.
The Moscow Economic Life of May
displays hopefully an account of
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23
stevenson's Unpublished PIav-

There was recently produced in Ed
inburgh play by ]. w. McLaren,
Heir of Hermiston," adapted from
Robert Louis Stevenson's novel. Mr..
McLaren has received a letter from
Sir James Barrie congratulating him
on the great success of the play. II
wonder" adds Sir James, whether
you know that r. L. S. himself wrote
long play on the subject called The
Hanging Judge which was never pub
lished, though read it in manuscript
long ago."-Christian Science Monitor.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

issued by the foreign office, declaring
that a commercial treaty between the
United States and Mexico was desir-
able, but that the Mexican President
did not possess the right to conclude
a treaty of a political nature such as
was proposed by the United States in
its recent memorandum to the Mexi-
can government.
"The treaty of amity and commerce
proposed by the United States on May
81" said the statement, contained
two sections, one pertaining to COM
merce and the other regarding better
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

uJCNlQK IQPlC-Some Things Jesus
INTERMEDIATE AND SENIOR TOPIC
The Challenge to Boys and Girls.
YOUNG PEOPLE AND ADULT TOPIC
The Challenge to the Church.
Revelation 21 :1-14 is the passage
of Scripture selected for devotional
reading. Instead of attempting to re-
view the lessons of the quarter it
would be of great interest and profit
to enter into a detailed study of this
Scripture. The following outline may
be helpful l. The New Heaven and
the New Earth wv. 1, p II. The New
People wv. 3-S); III. The New Jeru-
salem wv. 9-14).
Another way would be to assign the
Golden Texts to different members of
the class asking them to give the part
OF the particular lesson which illus
trateS the teachings of the text.
Still another way would be to sum-
Marie the different Scripture pass
ages, giving the leading lessons of
each. The following is given by way
of suggestion:
|. The believers supreme obliga-
ton is to present himself as a living
sacrifice to God. The grand reason
for so doing is that he has received
the mercies of God The one so yield
ed will love his fellow believer sin
cerely.
II. The believers body is Gods
property-the temple of the Holy
Ghost; therefore we are under solemn
obligation to use it for His glory.
Ill. Since God the Father and
Jesus Christ work, it is incumbent
upon all to work, and the man who
will not work should not eat.
w. God hates the greed that moves
men to dishonest methods in order to
get rich. His judgment shall fall upon
such.
v. True education will lead one to
Christ. The one only book which tells
about him is the Bible. No one can
call himself educated who is ignorant
of the Bible.
VI God rested when His work of
creation was done. On this basis He
has established the law of labor and
rest. The obligation to cease from Ia
Dor is that one may remember God.
VII. The church is an organism as
the human body. In order that there
may be real helpful cooperation there
must be membership in that body.
VIII. Jesus should be welcomed as
a guest into every home He is an ex-
ample of an obedient son in the home.
TX. The most important question is
not "Who is my neighbor?" but "To
whom can 1 be a neighbour" Being
neighbOr is seeing those about who
need help and rendering such help in
loving sympathy.
X. The Christian is citizen as well
as a church member. Intelligent Chris,
tians will show proper loyalty to the
state.
XII. When Christ shall reign as
King there shall be peace all over the
world between animals and men. The
supreme business of the believer in
this dispensation is to preach the gos
pei to all the world as a witness.
XII. Jesus came and preached the
gospel to the poor, but shall come
again to judge the world and reign as
King.
Since the whole of mans duty il
summed up by Christ in duty to Goo
and duty to man (Matt. % :36-40), il
would be profitable to go through the
quarters lesson and set down the
teachings under
I. Duties to God; II. Duties to Man
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

to take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound, and / took it until l was
cured and saved from the operation.
have told women of your wonderful
medicine times without number, and /
am willing that you should use these
facts and my name if you like. l also
used your Compound during the Change,
and / can do all my own work but the
heavy part, and can walk miles every
day as help my husband in the Office"
Mrs. ]. H. Meyer, ALP South Orange
St., Orange, California.
It is quite true that such troubles as
Mrs. Meyer had may reach astage where
an an pt5ar ms is tne only only
have been restored to health by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

The Republican national committee,
In session in Washington, accepted the
resignation of Chairman Will Hays
and elected John T. Adams of Du-
buQue, Ia, to succeed him. Mr.. Adams
has been vice chairman, and that pO-
sition was given to Ralph e. Williams
Of Portland, Ore. A new basis of rep
resentation at national conventions
was adopted by which the Southern
states will lose % delegates from the
number accredited to the Chicago con-
vention of last June. The old system
allowed for one delegate from each
congressional district, but under the
new plan a district must have cast g.
500 Republican votes in the last pre-
ceding election before it may send a
delegate to the convention. To have
two district delegates there must have
been cast 10000 Republican votes, or
a Republican representative must
have been elected to congress, Under
the former plan 1900 votes gave two
delegates.
Just before the committee met, one
of its most prominent members, Alvin
T. Hert of Kentucky, died suddenly in
a Washington hotel. Mr.. Hert was
very active in the last campaign and
President Harding offered him an am
bassadorship and other high posts. He
was a leading business man of Louis
vile.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23

peasants conference which agreed on
the necessity of the nonpartfsans
working with the communists to re.
store Russia; but other papers edi-
torially bemoan the fact that "the
peasants are not interested and won't
do anything at ALL"
information from independent
sources, however, indicates that Len
in has no real opposition that he
could not sweep away quickly and
that the situation is now entirely up
to him. He is being guarded from
assassination more closely than ever.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1921-06-23
LENIN BETWEEN TWO FIRES
Dictator Is Finding 1t Hard to Grant
Freedom of Trade and Retain
Communism.

Riga-Newspapers in Moscow give
some inkIing of the struggle in Russia
during the first two months of the
attempt to restore something like
normal civilization along the line of
Lenin's new policy to grant freedom
Of trade, and at the same time re-
tain power in the hands of the COM