The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1921-03-17


household. with y charming bride To
pour the imitation coffee, and vine
and fgtrce In a jar,ilniere, Id send
special delivery letter 10 James. ask.
ing him to come and stay for ten years
or more.
There's something restful and
soothing about that gifted man. He
never bothers anybody. No one has
To- waste precious moments entertain
ing him. II Isn't Necessary TO discuss
the wcather predictions. or dig up n
lot Il statistics about the crops, In
order 20 make james have good time.
You don't have to show him the old
plush photograph album. and describe
the ancestry Of the melancholy efngies
whose pictures appear therein. Near
" all visitors arr bores. my dear Mrs.
Ilggers. because they have 10 be en-
tertained. Somebody has 20 sit M
with them and thrash out last years
gossip. They have no initiative or
rrfer,sium. They have no resources
Of their own. In order to have pleas
ant visit. they need help.
-Your cousin James Is man after
my own heart. ! remember his last
visit quiz well. He came In the eve
ming. and aAer supper he took a chair
on the porch. Knowing he Gas n
guest. felt Il my duty to entertain
him In the conventional way.
dragged my chair close up 20 his and
remarked that IL was "a pleasant eve
ming. but the presence of q cloud bank
In the northwest i6snost convinced me
that there would be rain within twelve
hours. In which case. proceeded.
there would be- much jnbilaiion among
the honest old farmers. whose crops
were suffering for moisture.
James listened To my Remarks and
then lvokei at me. In sad. reproach-
full wny. as thungh he thought II a
shameful thing that lmbeciles should
be at large. and then he tock his chair
10 the opposite end Of the porrh with
out having said q word ] must con-
fess that I felt like q counterfeit
kopeck for few minutes. but the
more I considered the matter. the
more ! admired and respected that
remarkable man.
"He used TO 20 downtown every
morning and buy paper backed
moved. or a nction magazine. and then
he'd read II all day. and when he was
done with his Literature he left u
where the boarders could get H. !
dldn't hear him say ten words during
his visit. yct you say. Mrs. Tigers.
that he II an unsatisfactory guest.
Elderly landladies whose Intellects
have been warped by long years Of
parsimony. arr hard 70 please.
Jeremiah. whom you describe as
Jolly and agreeable. should b. sup
pressed. He has cosfect~d an the old
cheesey stories ever manufactured.
and insists upon telling them. He has
a horrible habit ~ making punS and
considers himself humorist. be-
cause 81 II. Ton couldn't bribe him In
| sit down with a book or magazine and
behave himself He has 10 he entsO
tnlnef every minute NJ his time. and
the only way you can entertain him
II by letting him DO the entertaining.
Gle Is a genial old Freak who thinks
he II a privileged character. and every
body's pet The last time he was here
he went into my sumptuous apart
ment and used my rssor 10 shave the
southeast quarter section OF his
countenance. His whiskers are full
% barbed wi~. md the razor was
ruined When \ spoke % him about
u he thought n funny Yet you refe'
20 Zach a man as an agreeable wish
tor. \ blush for you. Mrs. Jiggers"