davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28
SO this is Christmas.

Some say 1T comes but once a
year-thank God -
Others say 1T comes once every.
year-thank God"
some can't see the pleasure for
| the expense.
"Others'' can't see. the expense
for the pleasure.
'Weary Christmas and Nappy
New Year murnur the tired
shop girls.
'-Bleary Christmas and Snappy
New Year" smile favorite bootleg
gers.
On our homes are presents whose
absence we expected.
They come from friends We
thought close instead OF close
friends.
If they live close enough send
them one Of these messages.
Dear Blank, I mailed your pres
ent 1t got lost. Merry Christmas.
Dear Grace, Ma strained soup in
your stockings. Merry Christmas"
Dear Bill. the tie for you got
noisy. Ny family burned it."
And some friends have the gift
Of giving useless gifts.
But silk handkerchiefs are fine
if you don't catch cold.
And net stockings can be hung
for lace curtains.
While loud ties can furnish
dance music.
And Christmas cigars are excel
lent for killing moths.
And can be eaten # cooked like
fresh cabbage.
Tell Willie what's in sisters doll
before he looks.
Have you plenty Of candy and
the doctor. phone number handy?
Then three cheers for Christmas.
0,,1,r 9f5 more DAYS until Christ
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

When you urge people not to
argue with a fool, every married
woman thinks you are giving her a
bit of personal advice.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28
STRIKE DISTURBANCE
IN KENTUCKY

Newport. Ky, Dee. 24.-Troops
have detrained here to preserve or
der among striking steel workers.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

If ever we go to war for China,
some patriot will make himself i'm
mortal by declaring: Wing Lung
Flu, we are here.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

The census has figured every
thing except what preccntage OF
our parents are men.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

An admirer says Bernard Shaw
is always wrapped in thought.
Well, thoughts like his provide Suf-
fcient warmth without any other
wrap.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Isn't it strange what some peo-
pie put auto licenses on ATLANTA
Journal.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

There is house shortage because
houses won't make 60 miles an
hour.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Then three cheers for Christmas.
Only 3G5 more days until Christ
mas.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Some men leave their finger
prints with the police, and some
leave them on the books you lend.
There was time when novel
publishers had a cinch, but pub
fishing is risque business now.
r.
There IS little hope, however.
that we will get the boys off the
pa:& benches by Christmas.
In small town the banks don't
have tellers. but the, cashier usually
tells all he knows.
Don't grieve about the wife's
toil-roughcned hands. Buy her q
can opener that has padded ham
die.
We must hurry and civilizc the
savage peoples before they all die
OF of the white mans disease.
ltlJIN IN a. A-'NAit>A -
but the king has fallen to so low a
state that he can't even start a
fashion.
You can't fool all the people all
the time, but you can fool q ma
jority, and that's what makes con-
gress.
Concerning the arms parley.
dope springs eternal in the human
press.
The most annoying thing about
the man who assumes a 'holier-
than-thou" attitude is the fact that
he usually is right.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28
-&6~-ur

The mosf importaat step some
people take is The shinmy and even
then they feel shaky.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Some movies are more to be
pltied than censored.-Burlngton
News.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Have you plenty Of candy and
the doctor. phone number handy ?
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

England may be monarchy
but the king has fallen to so low q
state that he can't even start a
fashion.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

First day of 1922 is Sunday. so
we can get a good start.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

We must hurry and civilizc the
savage peoples before they all die
OF of the white mans disease.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Don't grieve about the wife's
toil-roughened hands. Buy her q
can opener that has padded ham
die.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Personally, we don't think much
of n patriot who cheers the boys
going out to fight and kicks about
paying the bill.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Tell Willie what's in sisters doll
before he looks.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

"One hundred therls md idiots in
America" And any one Of them
can give you complete instructions
concerning your duty.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

And can be eaten Il cooked like
fresh cabbage.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

You can't fool all the people all
the time, but you can fool ma
jority, and that's what makes con-
gress.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

There IS little hope, however.
that we will get the boys off the
pa:& benches by Christmas.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Merry Christmas.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

When you hear that a man has
killed himself because of business
worries, you wonder what stock he
bought with the company's funds.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

In small town the banks don't
have tellers. but the, cashier usually
tells all he knows.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28
MAKE A MERRY
CHRISTMAS
Ry CHARLES PAGE
Worlds Champion Santa Claus
VERYBODY should have

a happy Christmas.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

And Christmas cigars are excel
lent for killing moths.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

If they live close enough sent
them one Of these messages.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

There was time when novel
publishers had a cinch, but pub
fishing is a risQue business now.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

(Syndicated by Associated Editers).
ALI rights reserved.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Concerning the arms parley,
dope springs eternal in the human
press.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

While loud ties can furnish
dance music.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

And net stockings can be hung
for lace curtains.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

They come from friends We
thought close instead OF close
friends.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Dear Blank. mailed your pres
ent. 1t got lost. Merry Christmas.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

But silk handkerchiefs are fin
if you don't catch cold.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Some men leave their finger
prints with the police. and some
leave them on the books you lend.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Dear Bill. the tie for you got
noisy. Ny family burned it."
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

Dear Grace. Ma strained soup in
your stockings. Merry Christmas"
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

"Bleary Christmas and Snappy
New Year" smile favorite bootleg
gers.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1921-12-28

And some friends have the gift
Of giving useless gifts.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
UNMARRIED BY PLoW'S TOUCH
Rolling Plains Scene of Great Beauty
Before the Advent of the
AqricuIturist.

Seventy years ago =. Indians were
Indians, and the plains were the plains
indeed.
Those plains stretched out In limit
less rolling swells of prairie until they
met the blue sky that on every hand
bent down TO touch them. In spring
brightly green, and spangIed with wild
flowers, by midsummer this prairie
had grown sere and yellow. Clumps
of dark-green cottonwoods marked the
courses Of the infrequent streams
for most of the year the only note of
color in the landscape, except the bril-
liant sky. On the wide level river
bottoms, sheltered by the enclosing
hills, the Indians pitched their conical
skin lodges and lived their simple
lives. If the camp were large the
lodges stood IN a wide circle, but If
only a few families were together, they
were scattered along the stream.
In the spring and early summer the
rivers, swollen by the melting SHOWS,
were often deep and rapid. but a little
later they shrank TO a few narrow
trickles running over a bed of sand.
and sometimes the water sank wholly
out of sight.-George Bird GrinneH.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
CHAPTER XVI.
The Lootina of zodanaa.


AS the great gate where I stood
swung open my fifty Thanks, headed
by Tars Tarkas himself, rode in upon
| their mighty thOats. / led them to
the palace walls, which l negotiated
easily without assistance. Once in
side, however, the gate gave me con-
siderable trouble, but finally was re-
warded by seeing it swing upon its
huge hinges, and soon my fierce es-
cOrt was riding across the gardens of
the jeddak of Zodanga.
AS we approached the palace could
see through the great windows of the
first floor into the brilliantly illuminar-
ed audience chamber of Than Kosis
The immense hall was crowded with
mobiles and their women, as though some
important function was in progress. At
one end of the chamber, upon massive
golden thrones encrusted with dia-
monds, sat Than KOSis and his con-
sort, surrounded by officers and digni-
taries of state. Before them stretched
a broad aisle lined on either side with
soldiery and as 1 looked there entered
this aisle at the far end of the hall, the
head of a procession which advanced
TO the foot of the throne
First there marched four officers of
the jeddak's guard bearing a huge sal
var on which reposed, upon q cushion
of scarlet silk, a great golden chain
with collar and paddock at each end
Then came more dignitaries, and the
officers of the palace and of the army
and finally two figures entirely muf-
a. -, IL oil
rure of either was discernible. These
two stopped at the foot Of the throne,
facing Than Kosis. When the balance
of the procession had entered and as
sumed their stations Than KosiS adj
dressed the couple standing before
him. 1 could not hear his words, but
presently two officers advanced and
removed the scarlet robe from one of
the figures. 1 saw that Kantos Kan
had failed in his mission, for it was
Sab Than, prince of Zodanga, who
stood revealed before me.
Than KoSis now took q set of the
ornaments from one of the salvers and
placed one of the collars of gold about
his sons neck, springing the paddock
fast. After a few more words ad-
dressed to San Than he turned TO the
other figure, from which the officers
now removed the enshrouding silks.
disclosing TO my now compromising
view Dejah Thoris, princess of He'll
UNI.
As the ornaments were adjusted up
on her beautiful figure and her collar
of gold swung open in the hands of
Than Kosis / raised my longsword
above my head and. with the heavy
hilt. 1 shattered the glass OF the great
window and sprang into the midst of
the astonished assemblage. With
bound / was on the steps of the plat
form beside Than Kosis, and as he
stood riveted with surprise, brought
my longsword down upon the golden
chain that would have bound Dejah
Thnris to another.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13

ing their terrible harvest around her,
did Dejah Thoris, princess of Helium,
true daughter of Mars, the god of war,
promise herself in marriage to John
Carter, Gentleman of Virginia.
Some time later Tars Tarkas and
Kantos Kan returned TO report that
Zodanga had been completely reduced
Her forces were entirely destroyed or
captured, and no further resistance
was TO be expected from within. Sew
eral battleships had escaped, but there
were thousands of war and merchant
vessels under guard of Thank war
riors.
The lesser hordes had commenced
looting and quarreling among them
selves, so it was decided that we col
lect what warriors we could. man as
many vessels as possible with ZOdan-
gan prisoners and make for Helium
without further loss of time.
Five hours later we sailed from the
roofs of the dock buildings with a fleet
of two hundred and fifty battleships,
carrying nearly one hundred thousand
green warriors, followed by a fleet of
transports with our thoats.
In the middle of the afternoon we
sighted the scarlet and yellow towers
of Helium, and a short time later
great fleet of ZOdangan battleShips
rose from the camps of the besiegers
without the city and advanced to meet
US.
The banners of Helium had been
strung from stem to stern of each of
our mighty craft, but the Zodangans
did not need this sign to realize that
we were enemies, for our green Mar
tan warriors had opened fire upon
them almost as they left the ground.
With their uncanny craftsmanship
they raked the oncoming fleet with vol
ley after volley.
The twin cities of Helium, perceiv-
ing that we were friends, sent out hun
dreds of vessels to aid US, and then
began the first real air battle I had
ever witnessed.
(TO BE Continued
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
POST WINS ON GOLDEN CALF
TWO Headed Animal Aids in Raising
Organizations Funds From
500 to $500.

The Golden Calf of the Twentieth
century has been discovered by the
American Legion post at Fredericks-
burg. Va, which owes an increase in
its working capital from 500 to 81, 500
to a two-headed Juvenile COW. in full
title to which the post invested its
scant 500 last fall.
Having induced a Westmoreland
county farmer TO part with the freak
animal for this sum, a special levy of
various small amounts was made
upon the treasury to buy nourishment
for the calf. Then came the Virginia
state fair in Richmond and the calf
was in full bloom, eating both his
heads off and waxing fat withal.
The Fredericksburg post put him
on exhibit, charging a suitable fee.
When the fair was over and the dust
had settled. the post treasury con-
tanned S1.50O-the accrued earnings of
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
Legion Men Among the Miners.

The activity of the American Legion
In the mining districts of southeast
Kansas is another pertinent proof
that the Misunderstanding between
labor bodies and the ex-service mems
organization has been dissipated. At
Scammon, Kan, the climax of the
eight-hour day celebration of the
miners in District IA, was reached In
a ball at the Legion hall, under the
auspicies of Francis Ellison Post.
Another instance is the almost UMPIRE
cedented growth of Clarence Smith
Post No. 272 at Weir. From a member
ship of 81 ex-service men in 1920.
total of 112 has been enrolled in 1921
thus far
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
LEGION MAN BUSY WITH BIS
Buckeye Boy Bends, Bows and Bor-
rows Bad and Beautiful Bonus
Boosting Babbie.

"Apt alterations artful aid' was
rot neglected when an Akron (O)
member Of the American Legion spun
the following bonus yarn:
BURT began to bitterly berate the
bull about the bonus bill, bewailing
the benighted bigotry Of the bellIger-
ent birds, badly blocking the bonus
by bombastic blusterings and brable.
and branding the busted bucks who
bore the brunt of the battle as bad
gers and booty-bUrglars Of billions in
bonds, believed by big, bald business
brow-beaters to belong buried In
banks.
Before our bewildered Burt board
ed a boat to become a battle-scarred
vet beyond the borders Of our bright
beautiful, big country, he became a
benedict; and, back from the battles,
busted and barren Of bullion, our be-
nighted boy hero became beautifully
bored because big bibulous buncO men
breathIessly built a bunch of back
hand lies to bribe him by q bunk
promise Of a bonus.
But Burt isn't badly brow-beateR
by the bedraggled babble Of a bonus.
Blythe, buoyant and bubbling, hiding
his time, Burt, the benedict and bat
tie buddy, and Beulah, his bride, be-
lIeve the bully and bumptious idea
that a bebeficent bunch Of birds viii be
brought TO believe that big battles
beat the BOche and busted bucks need
bread; and before beaucOup -belated
years pass a bonus bill to bring the
bacon back TO our buddy, Burt
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13

The next morning SarkOja was gone,
nor was she ever seen after.
In silence we FASTENED to the jed
dak's palace, where we were immedi-
ately admitted to his presence; in fact.
he could scarcely wait to see me and
was standing erect upon his platform
glowering at the entrance as came in.
STRAP him to that pillar" he
shrieked. I'VE shall see who it is
dares strike the mighty Tai Hajus.
Heat the irons with nv own hands l
shall burn the eyes from his head that
he may not pOllute my person with his
vile gaze"
Chief aims of Thark," I cried, turn
ing to ii e assembled council and ig-
noring Tai EIajus, Il have been a chief
among you, and today I have fought
for Thank shoulder to shoulder with
her greatest warrior. You owe me, at
least, hearing. I have won that much
today. You claim to be just people"
Silence" roared Tai Hajus. Gag
the creature and bind him as / COM
mand."
Justice, Tai Hajus," exclaimed Lor-
quas Ptomel. "Who are you TO set
aside the customs of ages among the
Tharks?'
Yes, justice"' echoed a dozen
voices, and so, while Tai Hajus fumed
and frothed, I continued.
you are a brave people and you
love bravery, but where was your
mighty jeddak during the fighting to-
day? I did not see him in the thick
of battle; he was not there. He rends
defenseless women and little children
in his lair. but how recently has one
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13
LEGION ROLLERS UNDER THEM
Ex-SerVice Men Promptly Halt EN
Pioitations of Pro-Gerran
TroubIemakers.

In response to the warning issued
by their national commander. #. w.
Galbraith, Jr., American Legion mem
bers in many parts of the country
have been active in fighting against
efforts of prO-Germans and other
hyphenated persons TO drive a wedge
between America and her allies in the
World war.
Twenty-Five thousand patriotic eiti-
zens of New York attended the An
American Meeting for God and Coun-
try" which was held in Madison
Square Garden under the auspices OF
the Legion. as a protest against a pre-
vious pro-German meeting. said to be
for the purpose of creating sentiment
against the alleged Horrors on the
Rhine"
When word was received i'm Phiia-
delphia that DR. Edmund Won Mach,
notorious German propagandist, was
planning TO hold a meeting in that
city, Legion members and other pa
triotic citizens opposed the PROPOSE
ton and succeeded in blocking the
scheme.
Similar action was taken by the
Legion and various societies in Indian
apolis Among the organizations CO
operating with the Legion was the ma
tional executive committee Of the
American Gymnastic union, composed
of a large membership OF citizens q
German extraction. which insisted
upon unhyphenated citizenship and
scored Won Mach and George Sylves-
ter Viereck on the same day the In
dianapolis board of public works an
nounced it would not permit the use
of its large convention hall for the
proposed Won Mach meeting.
Learning that Louisville was on the
proposed itinerary OF Doctor Won
Mach, the Kentucky department OF
the Legion instructed posts TO use
every lawful means practicable 10
stop the threatened invasion Of Boche
propagandists.' The Kentucky Legion's
bulletin also warned against the ac-
tivities of Niereck.
Legion posts have also opposed the
hyphenates in Chicago, Cleveland
Omaha. Cincinnati and Milwaukee
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13

of you seen him fight with men? Why,
even I, midget beside him, felled him
with a single blow of my fist. Is it Of
such that the Thanks fashion their
jeddaks? There stands beside me now
great Thank, a mighty warrior and a
noble man. Chieftains, how sounds,
Tars Tarkas, Jeddak of Thark?"
A roar of deep-toned applause greet
ed this suggestion.
"It but remains for this council to
command. and Tai Hajus must prove
his fitness to rule. Were he a brave
man he would invite Tars Tarkas to
combat, for he does not love him, but
Tai Hajus is afraid; Tai Hajus, your
jeddak. is a coward. With my bare
hands I could kill nm, and he knows
it."
After I ceased there was tense ST.
lence, as all eyes were riveted upon
Tai Hajus. He did not speak or move,
but the blotchy green of his coun-
tenance turned livid, and the froth
froze upon his lips.
"Tal Hajus.' said Lorquas Ptomel in
a cold, hard voice, never in my long
life have 1 seen a jeddak of the Thanks
so Inundated. There could be but one
answer TO this arraignment We wait
1T" And still Tai Hajus stood as
though petrifed.
"Chieftains." continued Lorquas
Ptomel, shall the jeddak, Tai Hajus,
prove his fitness TO rule over Tars Tar
kas?"
There were twenty chieftains about
the rostrum, and twenty swords
flashed high in assent.
There was no alternative. That de-
cree was final, and so Tai Hajus drew
his longsword and advanced to meet
Tars Tarkas
The combat was soon over. and, with
his foot upon the neck of the dead
monster. Tars Tarkas became jeddak
among the Thanks.
His first act was 10 make me q full
fiedged chieftain with the rank / had
won by my combats the first few weeks
of my captivity among them.
Seeing the favorable disposition Of
the warriors toward Tars Tarkas, as
well as toward me, 7 grasped the op-
portunity TO enlist them in my cause
against Zodanga. 1 told Tars Tarkas
the story of my adventures, and in a
few words had explained to him the |
thought I had in mind.
"John Carter has made a proposal" |
he said, addressing the council, (which |
meets with my sanction. shall put il |
to you briefly. Dejah Thoris, the |
princess OF Helium, who was our pris- |
oner. is now held by the jeddak of 20 i
danga. whose SON she must wed to !,
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1921-05-13

Kaufman is a government music stu
dent
The secret of Kaufman's unusual
accomplishment has baffied voice eX-
perts as well as himself. Several
years ago he discovered his ability TO
produce Overtones which gave the
sound of more than one part. He en-
tered the MacPhail school at Mime
apolis as a government student and,
as his voice strengthened and became
clearer. he developed the curious trio.
The only case remotely similar To
that of Kaufman, according to his in
structor in the government school is
that of a woman singer in whose voice
could be distinguished one separate
overtOne, over which she had practi-
cally no control. The former soldier
in some way has separated and con
trolled tenor. bass and baritone parts