The Washington times., 1921-02-28
By KIRK MILLER.

interviewing Mr.. Bugbear is
noble task which should be given
to no goofy guy like a spoofing
writer.
He's a tough nut to approach.
The only way you can get him to
open up is to use a can opener.
And you got to catch him while
the moon Is in the proper phase.
Don't ever try to cross-examine
pecan when the stars amt all set
like a hen on duck eggs.
This Bugbear is a queer hazard.
You don't know whether to use a
niblick or a brassie. He's tougher
than the Columbia route
On dissecting this bird 1t was dis
covered that he has two favorite
sports. Both of them are sleeping.
One year he went to sleep on
Tuesday and woke up in November.
LIKES DUMB WATERS.
Another time. over in Brooklyn,
they found him snoozing in the
dumb waiter. They thought he was
dead and removed him to the
morgue. The authorities let him lie
in state for the regulation period
OF three days, when one of the un-
dertaker assistants noticed his ears
twitch feverishly. He was trying
to get somebody to notice him. No
one claimed the body and Bugs got
sore and called off the strike.
lie is second cousin to Skillet
Finn. president of the Walkers and
Riders Club of America, That's a
fierce handicap for anyone to start
life with, but Bugs carries his trou-
bles lightly as an elepham tredding
on broken glass.
The first question popped at the
American
"T'm gettin' used to 1t now" he
snickered, II can almost speak the
language"
CAN'T BLAME HIM.
He was born in Philadelphia but
doesn't like to talk about 1t. When
a lad OF 'steen he escaped from his
native land and came to the United
States Capital.
At first the large buildings be-
wildered him. He went dropping
around the streets of Washington
with a homesick expression on the
soles of his shoes.
He spent most of his time
sleeping. He came from a city
where they know something about
somnambulism and had little diff
ficulty winning the siX-day sleeping
race conducted exclusively for
transient tourists in Pension Office
Park
At the end Of the six days
policeman went over to the bench
where Bugs was flattened. He was
green and mossy on the under side,
so the copper turned him over and
gave his stomach a summing.
Bugs got indignant and insisted
on starting the race over again.
He won in a snooze. All the other
buns had been awake at least five
minutes when the bug finally
yawned and asked for a cold shower
or something to arouse him. After
applying the third degree and the
wet towel cure, Bugs came too long
enough to swallow Ave grains OF
aspirin, when he fell into a swoon
inaugurations.
AMBIDExTEROUs sLEEPER.
lie could sleep on either side and
with one or both eyes closed. II
didn't make any difference whether
his hands were tied behind his ears
or dangling loosely in the breezes-
his sleeping was always of that
superior kind known only to babes
and dead folks.
Finally his sleeping attracted the
attention OF famous theatrical
promoter, who signed Bugs up for
fifty-two weeks on tho vaudeville
circuit. 1t was the greatest dumb
act ever hooted off of the American
stage.
When the curtain arose, the stage
hands would drag the squirrel in on
an army cot and place him before
the footlights. Then the other acts
would come on and go off while
Bugs slumbered. The act was a big
hit. The audiences applauded them
selves pink behind the elbows, but
the cheering never annoyed the
sleeping beauty.
BUGs TOOK AN ENCORE.
once he woke up in a Philadel-
phia theater when the slide from
bone blared out There's n Quaker
Down in Quaker Town." The gang
cheered. so Bugs laid down and