davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
LARDNER WEEKLY LETTER

take the sacred oath on a stack of wheat cakes promiseing that he won't never observe eastern time or west ern time or daylight saveings time but will always tell time by Ku Ku ! Klox. He won't never play golf with a foreign born gladdy. He won't never ride in a non union klab- He will always wear klassy klothes and look klean klut and will always sleep in a sacred night gown and never kajamas. He will king to the Klan and carry out their objects regard less of klith and kiln
 Now in regards to the objects of the Ku Ku. This order won't be out to get no particular race or kleed but will pick on individuals as they seem to need it. Like for inst. sup pose they's somebody that one. of the Klansmens don't like for some reason another, why he will tell the nearest Klodd about them and the Klodd will call out the Klan. and they will pick out a dark night and take the victim to a sacred refuse dump and give them a dose of white pine and tar. at the same time tickle ing them with a feather to make them cough. In extreme cases, the victim could be took to a Klansmen's house and obliged to drink a glass of home made beer.
 As soon as they's enough mem bers for a klorum the ku kus will of course want a whole lot of vic i! tins to get busy on, and in case, they can't think of nobody that needs vengeance I will name a few that it would please me personly if they was reeked on and the first one I will name is a gal I played bridge part ners with the other night and some | body bid spade and I doubled a spade and the gal past. Another one | is the man that got up the N. Y. traffic laws and another one is the man that. grabs a hold of your arm | and tells you the one he just heard about the Englishman and another one is the man that says Carpenter could of win if he had fought diff ferent.
 I suppose my admirers would ex- pect me to accept the post as em- peror of the new Klan but must de- cline that honor as l could not give all my time to it on acct. of golf and besides I believe that the man hold ing this office should ought to be 100 per cent Ku Ku, and I can't think of no one better qualified than the man who give the Klan it's title, namely MT. Bugs Baer.
 l Personly I would be willing to serve a vile as grand exalted Gobbon and for Klodds and Kleagles l would nominate some of the boys that IS only few points shy of 100 per cent includeing the boys that draws the comical pictures in the paper and the boys that buys ring side seats to a wrestling match and the boys that pays to get in the ball pix. at Phlla- delphia.
 The national headquarters of the Klan would be Mir. Baer's home on the Brooklyn Bridge and the Kan grip would be the hand on the em- peror's neck with the thumb press ing the Adams apple.
 RING w. LARDNER-
 Great Neck oct T. .. | (copyrieht, 1921, by The Bell syndi-
 cate, lne.)
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
ship of the American legion7 Is there another legion? C. W. N.


 A. The headquarters of the Amer ican legion says that its total paid up membership is about 1000, 900, and that about the same number of members are on rolls but not paid up. Many of them are expected to pay up by the time of the legion con vention which will be held in Kansas City, Oct. 31-Nov. l. There is also a private Soldiers and Sailors Le- zion, which has a membership of 700, ,O00.
 O. Can you tell me whether there is a country nameI Helvetis, and if so where it is located? R. U.
 A. Helvetia is the old Roman name for what corresponds to the modern Switzerland. and the name is still used in poetic references to that country.
 O. Is prune a plum, and if so, how does it differ from other plums? G. R. S.
 A. A prune is defined by horticul- turists as variety of plum which can be dried without fermentation. In most varieties of plums fermen- tation about the pit takes place if an attempt is made to dry the fruit.
 O. What foods should be eaten by one who wants to loose weight? V. E. R.
 A. Government authorities say that the following foods are best for one who wishes to reduce: fresh fish of any kind except salmon or mackerel; lean beef. mutton. or lamb; chicken or turkey, without stuffing or gravy; stale dread, dry toast or crusts in | small quantities.; spinach, lettuce, celery, radishes, asparagus. cauli-
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
BAND HE RArrLEn oEE A 1uhEs

With tribulation flyin like the witches round the moon, He jes took down his banqo an he rattled off tune, Jes thought about the good times that would bless the country soon He kept the strings a-tinkn'-oh, he rattled off tune!
 lookin' dim Twas a hallelujah to the sngin him! An the deeps of dark December had the blossoms O the June; Oh. he jes' took down his banjo. he rattled off a tune! An the world-it heard the music. an its sorrow spread it's wings, An the very stars seemed movn' to that banjos tinklin' strings; . An he heard aaar echo-"Oh. the nght' find
  If he'll jes' keep the music-if he'll rattle off tunei"
 Frank L. Stanton in the Atlanta Constitution.
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
An Accounting to Be Demanded

We informed that former Governor Hunt, minister to Sam will return to Phoenix within the next two months and half, perhaps about the Yuletide.-in Christmas gift to his former and now scattered followers and castigation to his enemies within his party of whose stewardship he will require accountng-the stewardship which he denied them so long he here but which they seized upon his departure. And what they made of it as the figures of last Novem- Der show. As to the present status of the Demo- cratic party in Arizona:
 They say Lion and the Lizard keep The Courts where Jamshyd gloried and drank deep. And Bahram that great Hunter-the Wild Ass Stamps o'er his head. but break his sleep
 It is the purpose understand. of the former governor his return to the Court, drive out the Lion and expel the Lizard send all the wild asses back where they belong and where he kept them that their praying be only fainty heard at the primaries which after the departure of the governor they overran.
 How difficult the former governors task of res toraton may be we cannot foresee Much of his former following is now in Arizona The labor element that remains will no doubt rally to him. but that element is pretty well devoid of the extreme radical faction which formerly constituted the inner circle.
 But there is a possible new source of strength. which hitherto aligned against the former goy- ernor, those whose strong partisan tendencies were mqdiffed by a slight degree of conservatism, who therefore opposed the though bitterly in the primaries but voted with him in the general election.
 But Hunt democrat in office to all such mod crate conservatives is preferable to republican at the pie counter Therefore the Hunt leaders have demonstrated their ncapacity for victory it may be expected that moderate conservatism will be submerged in partisanship. another large num- Der of democrats hitherto aligned against the former governor in the primaries will now turn to him as leader who may win
 Then, again, some time has elapsed since the state suffered from the evils of radicalism many have forgotten the discomforts they then endured s that even many democrats who are more than mod erately conservative may be found under the Hunt banner.
 Anyhow, the former governors work of recon struction will be well worth watching.
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
By RING w. LARDNER

Bugs Baer and call 1t the Ku Ku Klan and in order to join it man would half to prove that he was more or less Ku Ku. Anybody applying for members would half to answer a few leading questions which would be something like as follows:
 1. Animal, mineral or vegetable!
 2. Tonsils and adenoids?
 3. Maiden name?
 4. Demi tasse or large cup?
 5. Ever eat chop suey?
 6. Ever ride on a sleeping car that employed colored help2
 :. Was your suit ever pressed by a Jewish tailor?
 S. Ever go to ball game where any of the players was Knights Of Columbus?
 A man that could answer all these questions yes or no would be eligible for members.
 The Initiation
 After that would come the inltla- ton held out doors and conducted oy a Klodd. The Klodd and members of the Klan would wear night gowns with a pillow case over their head to laugh in. As the klandidate for members come into their presents the Klansmens would all stand up and utter the mystical wd. kluck kluck. The klandidate would then
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08

To the editor:
 We'll friends it looks like all the advertising the Ku Klux Klan has been getting ain't going to get them much business and in fact is libel to put them on the blink as good many of the boys that use to brag that. they belonged to the invisible empire has now became invisible themselfs and the grand exalted Kleagles that use to get s6 apiece for every new member won't half to bother no more about the sir tax. Well I don't suppose it can be helped, but it seems kind of sad to see organization like this kind break up and all the Kleagles and Collins forced to go back to driveing dray.
 While the Klan was maybe too rough in their work still and all it seems to me like it is too bad to bust up a club that a, good many people has became fond of without giveing them something in it's place so for that reason I am going to sug gest a new Klan that will be sub stitute for the cid Klan but will cut out all the rough stuff and still have enough mystical rights to satisfy the clients but won't offend nobody that can't take a joke.
 For a name for this new organiza- tion I would adopt a suggestion from
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08

of the thrilling fourth inning of the worlds series game on Thursday the following irrelevant matter: "A man in the beachers was choking hot dog. A doctor was called" This chronicle entered as the ball which Pipp had hit making high paraboa to be intercepted by Young of the Giants
 The incident must have been regarded by the writer as one Of importance but think that 1t ought to have been given the attention it ceived. The who being asphyxiated by hot dog unworthy of it. He did not deserve the ministrations of doctor any other consd- eration. He was occupying a place which should have been occupied by some single minded follower of baseball. and not one whose affections were divided between hot dogs and the national game. He should have been speedily thrown the fence and allowed to work out his separation from the hot dog. He only "hot sport" term applied derisively to persons who not sports at ball games. ring sides and elsewhere where true sports congregate.
 We understand why may munch pea nuts and even hot dogs at circus; there may be some justification in regaling the inner at slow and dragging baseball game, but there be extenuation of the crime of deyouring the Of a dog at such event worlds series game.
 That is gluttony par excellence and wholly in- excusable and unforgivable. If the offender in the Polo grounds Thursday had expired in his counter with. the hot dog he would have searched through his robes his arrival in heaven for . sandwich. If he had lived to be married, he would have Insisted upon carrying bag of peanuts to the altar with him and would have mumbled amid his mastication, T do" and T will"
 Such Is out of place among men every where Let him be chained in kennel of hot dogs.
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
Questions And
 .AnsUers

(Any reader can get the answer to any question by writing The Repub- liean Information Bureau, Frederic J. Haskin, Director, Washington, D. C. This offer applies strictly to infor- nation. The bureau cannot give ad- vice on legal, medical. and financial matters. It does not attempt to settle domestic troubles, nor to un- dertake exhaustive research on any subject. Write your question plain ly and briefly. Give full name and address and enclose two cents in stamps for return postage. All re- plies are sent direct to the inquirer.)
 O. If a man enters a golf tourna- ment and wins a prize for the quali- fyinq round, is he obliged to play in the tournament? H. A. J.
 A. The United State Golf associa- tion says that players who do not continue in match play rounds of a tournament should be considered to have forfeited any prize that they may have won in the qualifying round.
 O. When will enlistment in the various branches of the active serv- ice be reopened7 j. H. A.
 A. Enlistment in the navy and in the marine corps was reopened Sept Is. and enlistment in the army was reopened shortly before that date. . O. Can you tell me the member
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
A MANS "LIFE. BY HIS WIFE

Nowhere in English is there, I think a good bi- ography of man by his wife. On the whole hus- panos nave perhaps done rather better with their wlVes At once comes to mind Carlyle on Jane Welsh: but even here attention finally rests not upon the wife but the husband in his gloom after her death.
 remember quite well, to, the 'impressionistic portrait which Professor Palmer drew of his wife, Alice Freeman He called it "a personal estimate an evolutonal study But here again there was eventually too much of the husband and his sabbati cal years when he and his wife traversed Europe
 What Professor Palmer and others have attempt- ed, cannot be done. Wives and husbands cannot be outspoken of one another in print.
 Sometime, no doubt the existing restraint will be removed from their pens, then we shall have some entertaining biographies. In the meantime anyone who desires read in privately published volume Lady Lytton's highly spiced comment on her husband the novelist what Pepys put down in cipher after quarrels with his wife-whose nose he tweaked on two occasions and who threatened to pinch his with red hot tongs Is what we shall get if the muffer is cut out.
 Nor can son daughter write freely of a father or mother. Censure would be regarded as piety: and praise, though perfectly just, would be viewed with suspicion.-Wilbur Cross in Yale Re- view
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
Then They Remembered!

OGALES-F'riends of Gov Fran cisco Elias of Sonora gave a lunch con in his honor at the International Casino in Nogales, Sonora, and for got to invite the governor
 At 1 o'clock about 30 invited friends met at the casino. A luncheon was to be served. At 2 o'clock the governor had not arrived. At 8 o'clock he was still missing and it was then found out that those who rendered the luncheon forgot to invite his excel lency.-Herald.
 To Increase Water Supply
 TUCSON-A large increase in the water supply available to the city may be the result of the use of deep well turbines for securing the full est capacity production from wells already in service for many years. Such an effort to augment the wa ter supply comparatively inexpen- sively is the substance of recom- mendations which City Engineer c. H. Atchley said Wednesday morning haze been made to the council.-Citi- zen.
 Epidemic Spreading
 TUCSON-Three new cases oi diphtheria were reported today, ac- cording to pr. E. J. Gotthelf of the health department of Tucson, and one arrest was made for breaking guar antine.-Star.
 Repairing Flooded Lands
 YUMA-Overflowed lands border ing the Main canal between Laguns dam and the Siphon Drop where l: breaks were made by flood water from the Picacho country. in tn,
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08

for wood An acre of sunflowers will yield many cords of good fuel.
 The oil appears to possess more of the general properties of olive oil than any other known vegetable oil. It takes about a bushel of seeds to make a gallon of oil. and 50 bushels of seeds can be grown on one acre of land. As the oil sells for more than a dollar gallon, the profit is large
 Of late years purified sunflower oil has been used extensively in the adulteration of olive oil It is of pale yellowish color and decidedly palatable. In crude state it is used by painters to some extent, but 1t is inferior to linseed oil for use in paint.
 In addition to the oil from the seeds the stalks, when green, and the oil cake make excellent fodder The fiber of the stalks. which is fine, silky and very strong. also has a value. In China it is woven into beautiful fabrics and it is believed that by the use of proper machinery it might be utilized most profitably in the United States.-New York Herald
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08

flower. cabbage tomatoes, onions, turnips, and squash by way of vege- tables; and ripe fruits by way of dessert.
 O. How many admirais of the navy have there been2 S. R. L.
 A. The position of the admiral of the navy has never been held by any one except Admiral Dewey, ac- cording to the navy department. At the present time no one tolds the permanent rank of admiral The rank of admiral is held during tenure of their respective positions by Rob- ert E. Koontz. chief of naval opera tions; Hugh Rodman in command of the Pacific fleet; Henry B. Wilson in command of the Atlantic fleet; and James Strauss in command of the Asiatic fleet. It is a rule of the navy that an officer holding any of these positions must have the rank of admiral during his tenure of of flee.
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
An Ansi-climax

Even a good thing may be overdone. MT. Urban fedoux has overdone his auction of labor The first demonstration in Boston Common was impressive snd. we believe had good effect bringing to the attention of the country in most striking manner the unemployment situation. It one thing to read cold statistics showing that thousands or millions of men were out of work. It was an other to read that amid historic surroundings labor was to be sold for whatever would keep the body and soul of the laborer together.
 It was not expected that the volume of unem- ployment would be directly and perceptbly reduced by this demonstration. It was not supposed that Ledoux expected any result. The most that could have expected was that the country would be awakened by this startling appeal to the condition of unemployment It could not. though have been expected that employers, large or small would flock to these labor marts to supply their needs If they had done Ledoux would have been unable to supply the demand But we think the only reasonable purpose of the labor auctions was served the first day the first few days and that the widespread news of it impressed the country; that in some measure it's effect has felt in the movement for calling the Emergency Unemploy- ment conference. We do not. of course, suppose that it precipitated the conference but was only one of the causes, perhaps important one. for the calling of the conference.
 The climax of the labor auction reached In Boston Common. There it should have ended. Any further prosecution of the movement must have been toward anti-cimax which has been reached in Washington, where the followers of Ledoux have made known to him that they are laborers and not poseurs that what they want is work and not noto- riety; that they desired to minimize the volume of unemployment and not to magnify the labor auc- uoneer.
 The American people have become weary of the demonstration. The impression made upon them six weeks ago giving place to disgust and much of the good effect had-been neutralized.
 Nearly thirty years ago General" Coxey led an army of unemployed out of the west across the continent to a camping place the White House lawn. It at first regarded as striking revolt against industrial conditions. but it kept up long that it to be regarded first joke and then as a nuisance
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
The American Crowd

There is nothing easier than collect crowd in any American city town. Almost anything however slightly of the The other day passing along San Francisco street when we encountered congestion which tirely blocked traffic a broad sidewalk Some thing was going on within shop window.
 And what do you suppose it was? young woman giving demonstration. And what kind of a demonstration? She was showing patent mop. The assembled multitude made up of all kinds of people and strangely. the women in the minority. There young men who looked like hoodlums; wel-dressed middfe-aged and elderly men who might been bankers merchant princes who had before been enthralled by mops and probably did not know mop from carbureter Yet they watched every movement of the young woman as she adjusted one mop head after another. There were fashonably gowned women, young and old, little girls and newsboys. whose raucous voices were stilled as they stood with their papers under their arms openeyed, open mouthed, awed by the splendors and glores of the As we circled the crowd. by the way of the street. the audience was growing
 On Market street there was another throng which filled the broad pavement from shop window to curb. It much the same kind of a crowd The attraction here girl making doughnuts by machinery. She shoveling lard into great smoking vat divided into circular compartments Over central there was a large receptacle filled with dough which discharged in hollow disks which somehow circulated to the outer com partment whence they brought out on an end carrier finished products and deposited in large receptacle.
 To the crowd it inspiring, thrilling spec which detained of affairs from their affairs women affairs and cut into the business of the nearby movies.
 These people hicks" on the contrary. they thoroughly metropolitan residents of the second cosmopolitan city of America intent upon business pleasure
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
Hot Dog-Hot Sport

The gentlemen who throng the press stands at league and worlds series baseball games make an economical language. All superfluous verbiage is eliminated baggage. Adjectives and adverbs cut out; sentences frequently not finished their completion being left the reader. The baseball writers have invented the further interest of brevity language of their own. Ian- guage which is usually unintelgibIe except base ball fans. So, extraneous matter seldom finds it's way into reports of baseball games, busy the writers trying to keep up with the fast plays
 Yet we find the account the Yankees side
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
MANY usEs EoR suNElowER

The sunflower. although it orig mated in this country in the great plains, is not used here so extensive ly as in some other countries, espe- cially Russia, in normal times. It is a long time since the plant first de- lighted the eyes of Europeans, being then cultivated in the gardens of Madrid. The early spanish explor-
Arizona republican., 1921-10-08
SATURDAY MORNING. OCTOBER 8, 1921

Would they sell us experience, though at diamond prices, but them DO one aUould use the article second- hand. -Batzdc.