Connecticut western news., 1921-11-10
HOUSATONIC RIVER IS
 BEING CONTAMINATED
Inhabitants Claim Source is the Canaan Water
 Company

hardest of all is breaking Tn this cub reporter. Just read the story he has brought in this week and then if you still think he should live whv we'll take the matter up for consideration. He evidently has misgivings, for since sending it in we have heard nothing from him.
 Dear Boss: You remember that story I had about the fish couple weeks ago? We'll, thinking l might run acorss some more news of this kind, I wandered down to the Housa- tonic river Sunday afternoon. Sitting down on the bank and lighting my pipe, soon fell into sort of day dream as I watched the waters slowly moving by. Like miniature ships, thousands of leaves drifted past, with all sails spread in majestic array.
 Without any warning my reverie was broken by the splash of a fish and, as I watched this beautiful specimen of the deep, I noted it was coming in my direction. With final splash it poked its nose right out of the water by the bank where was sitting.
 "Are you the Cub Reporter of the News staff" asked the fish.
 Shocked for the moment beyond belief, I was unable to answer, but remembering my previous expefl- ence I soon came to my senses and replied in the affirmative.
 "Well", continued the fish, i've read that story you wrote about us and at a recent convention we voted that you shall be our press agent We need you bad just now, too, for unless existing conditions are :emc- died imme diately, every fish in these waters threatens to move up to Doctor Camps brook.
 In a weak voice I asked what the trouble was and what assistance l could be to his tribe.
 "It's like this" said Pete, (for l now recognized the tunneling trout) {, we fish don't mind being caught for a sucker now and then, but we've got to live some where near clean. DO you know, every fish in this river has been complaining of bad taste in it's mouth. We at first thought 1t was nothing but the after effects of all that beer they had imbibed, but the complaint became so general we | had to investigate.
 'I took the matter up personally with our health officer, Dr. Lee Pickerel, who, after making an analysis, said the water was con taminated. The analysis revealed several hairnets, two pairs of false teeth, numerous clippings from horses hooves, poker deck, a prayer book, suspenders and a woman's wig.
 Realizing that immediate action was necessary, we set our entire de- 1 tective force to work, headed b. George Trieschman, to find the source of contamination. Our faith ! your doughty town official was not misplaced, for after considerable :. .L;og arc.-nd and the free use If his magnifying glass, he traced the contamination to the wells of thc
 /1aan Water company!
 ] gasped, for that was all l wa
 ..r2ble of doing after hearing such an astonishing piece of news, while nauseating feeling stole through dim past trying to remember tha last drink of water 1 had taken.
 "Now we find" continued Pete, ''that the sewage of the Blackberry river, Doc Hassett's dental office, Borden's creamery, Bianchi's store, Trieschman's blacksmith shop and the Methodist church, all drain into these wells. Therefore we have pre- pared a resolution which we wish you would give the widest publicity and here it is:
 "Whereas the inhabitants of the Housatonic River have long dwelt in peace and harmony with the people of North Canaan, even with Hen Ives, whose disposition we know to be unruly, and
 "Whereas we have suffered much mental anguish through trying to digest many bristles from Scutt's barbershop which originated from shaving brushes, Nat Stevens chin and Smart's head (though we be- lieve the anguish they suffered in parting with both hair and money makes us even) has caused more than ordinary annoyance, and
 "Whereas no less than two sets of false teeth from Doe Has5ett's office have been appropriated by members of our tribe, who know moi that they are false false teeth taker from the carcass of Ed Pease's goat much to the envy of our citizens, anc
 "Whereas we deeply sympathize with Will Parsons for losing his wig which same has caused the insides o1 many of us fish to stand on enc whenever we think of it, and witl Helen Eggleston her hat, whose pin! pricked US sharply, and
 "Whereas it is a worthy act o1 Continued on page