Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1921-11-05
The HUSKING BEE
Its Your DAY.
Start 1t With a Laugh
THE SPAN OF LIFE.

Now hygiene Is the science that
VIII keep weak man on his feet,
For death can't pin you 10 the mat
II you are careful what you eat;
And prohibition. too. they tell,
| Although il bans the cup that cheers,
VIII help TO keep . fellow well
And make him live 800 years,
No monkey glands upon the neck
| Are needed TO rejuvenate
A guy who Is a nervous wreck,
| And save him from impending fate.
The stomach is the vital spot,
| BY that a man will stand or fall,
| And science claims man cannot
| Preserve his health in alcohol.
PHILOSOPHY.
Prohibition may make US live longer-and
then again the span OF life may only seem like
800 years.
| II bachelor thinks smoking or being ad.
dcted to knit silk ties are expensive habits, wait
until he contracts inatrimony.
No. Maude, we are not inclined to be prudish.
| We think the skirts all right as far as they
| go.
Sale OF beer to the sick may begin at once,
| according to new treasury regulations
We look for a terrible epidemic to sweep
through the mere male population.
1t is all very we'll to take things as they
come, but it won't get you any place unless you
can sell at profit.
AN ANGEL.
my wife is an angel" Henpeck said,
II think lot of her,"
And then we knew that she was dead
And he a widower.
If you feel for the poor girls who are being
helped by the Salvation Army do your feeling
with your hand in your pocket.
-
America would be hopeless desert without
jazz music" chirps Harold Bauer, distinguished
pianist.
Yet many people think it is the bootleggers
who keep it from being hopeless desert.
Unemployment is said to be rife among those
artisans who were wont to fashion corkscrews
for livelihood.
One thing about looking for trouble-you are
not apt to be disappointed.
It is easier to live up to a good reputation
than it is to live down bad one.
THE MOON is FULL AGAIN.
Gan eminent scientist has announced that the
moon has wandered from its course and is many
miles ahead of time.)
Did you know the man in the moon is drunk,
So much so that he is feeling punk?
He's failed in his duty to pilot the moon,
That night lamps about to reach goal too soon. |
You cops on the corner, you're scared to death!
You shake and you shiver and hold your breath |
Get huSvl Arrest that hold hire
Make him steer the moon on the old-time plan. |
Carol Rickert.
HOPE HE BROUGHT HIS SWATTER.
Owner Comes to See His Pet Fly."-Head-
line in local daily Thursday.
A FEW HAPPY HINTS.
Your old celluloid collars and last summers |
straw hats make good fre-lighters
Husbands will find they won't get jawed so |
hard for staying out late nights if they bring
home their winnings.
Twenty-dollar gold pieces make attractive
favors for children's party. If you haven't the |
gold pieces at hand, little lump of anthracite |
coal for each child makes all acceptable subst- |
tute. .
A dried apple followed by glass of water
square meal, try bouillon cube.
THOUGHT HEARD AUTUMN FALL.
Jack Frost knocked the thermometer down |
last night.
-
Yes, Filbert, money talks That u.s. it some
times calls up over the long-distance phone.
Love is like game of tag. Just as soon as a |
young man quite running after girl she starts
running after him.
STRIKE TWO. ~
We no sooner get one strike towed in and !
moored than another bobs up Annual autumn
coal strike is now looming in the ofing. And
also with the cigarrnakers being laid off, and |
worms destroying the raw material, it is hard to
forecast just what guy is going to burn this !
winter
Coal strike may result in renewed activity in
indoor sports Family'll have to do something
to keep warm.
Coal strike strikes the rich and poor alike
Only difference between freezing in the suburbs
and congealing in the cty-in an apartment one
has the janitor to blame it on.
The old law of supply and demand is said to
regulate the price of coal. If the winter is long
and severe, demand makes the price high. If
the winter is short and fat the supply makes it
necessary to stick the price up to take care of
the extra storage.
goose isn't credited with much sense, but
knows enough to flop south for the winter.
ISN'T IT TRUE7
wheeze Is pert, SO it appears,
Of trials as well as household joys
N1..- LII. IL - e /