davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
PARALLELS OF
SAFED THE SAGE

Saying,
I'll buy myself a Durham ram and
a ray alpaca COW,
And a lock-stick Usage orange hedge
and a patent leather pillow.
And she made no comment, for
| from the days of Adam there hath
| been one unanswerable argument
which a man might use in time of
need.
And l said, o Keturah, we'll do y
| know that 1 am a bum gardeners
and that by midsummer there VIII
be more weeds than garden truck of
my planting. Yet can l not deny
myself the annual luxury Of getting
my own fingers in the soil and be-
holding that wonderous miracle of
God whereby the earth doth renew
life.
And Keturah said, My Lord,
know it; and l blame thee not. AS
a gardener thou art little improve
ment upon Adam thine ancestor, and
he lost his job; but I am very glad
to have thee get back to nature.
and to go back with thee. Yet, and
so long as we do this. I think we
can never wholly grow old.
WILLIAM E. BARTON.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
prrR1IC SERVICE POVERTY.

The poverty plea put up by Col. 1iihioie'
the champion jollier Of the Public Service Cor
porations staff, is the same song ana oahce ina
be has been handing out to all munlcipahties
where the Public Service operates. IL IS eAactiy
what the EVENING NEWS said would be the
puhlic Service excuse in regard to liking smth
street between the ferry and the Central rail-
road II is plain that if the streets on WHICH
pub,ic Service tracks are laid are to be put IL
decent condition the work must be done by
tho e;tv itself charging the Public Service with
the cost and trusting to the future to get Ihf
money back.
ant as the Public Service already owes the
city a big bill for snow removal ana othsf eA
6sxaes it is disheartening to go on adding t.
the amount. ,
Metuehen got the same answer given fefti
Ambey as far as taking care of the street pave
ment between rails of the trolley tracks Is con
cerned. And there are others. We quote TN
following from the Jersey Journal of Jerse!
City;
summit avenue, between PaVonla
avenue and the Five Corners, furnish
es an object lesson in the w~recking Of
eity by the trolley company,
a practice against which City Commits
sioner Michael I. Fagen has protested
SO long, and without result, that he has
finally threatened to go to the courts
for a remedy.
"Under it's franchise the trolley com
pany is pledged to pave between It's
tracks for a distance of eighteen inches,
either side thereof. and to keep this
pavement I'M geed condition. But this
agreement is a dead letter with the
trolley company. as the section OF
~ Summit avenue referred to illustrates.
This stretch is probably the most rick
city hit Of roadway in the city limits,
even though it Is in the heart OF the
most thriving section of the city. Not
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Luke McLuke Saws

Lux McLuke Says
The biggest diamond in the world is the one
a girl is wearing in her Engagement Ring.
Here is something else to worry about; What
has become of the old fashioned wooden Indian
who used to stand in front Of a cigar store?
Some of the men are using SO much rouge
and powder that you wonder why they do not
wear vests that button up the back.
A woman gets a lot of pleasure out of waiting
on the man she loves and out of fussing around
him and doing things for him, That is the rea-
son why a man has to wait on himself after
he has been married for a while. =
A skinny mans vest doesn't cover much ter,
ritory. But a fat man should keep his vest
as quiet as possible.
If he does happen to kiss her after they have
been married ten years, she returns the kiss
with about as much ardor as she lieks a postage
stamp.
The reason a woman never feels cold In
clothes that are new and fimsy is because she
would if they were old and heavy.
Before and after she gets the makeup OF
she'll look like two different DANES. And yet
she'll get mad if you intimate that she is
Two-Faced. 4
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bursau. Frederic J. Haskin, Direc
tor. Washington, D. G. This ONE
bureau cannot give advice on legal,
medical and financial troubles. It
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles, nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on any subject. Write
you question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address And en-
close two cents In stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
We Didn't Mention No Names. Dusty!

When you shoot an arrow into the air you
never know whose tire you are gonna punc-
ture. F0instance, read this comeback from Dus-
ty Miller in the Wilmington News-Journal.
Luke McLuke says he knows a man who eats
four meals a day and lies awake all night watt
ing till time for breakfast, and then wonders
why he's getting so big he can't get up to the
table. If there's anything we hate, Luke, its
personalities in Journalism, and personally we
think this is carrying the joke too far. Our feel
ings are hurti
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
A POme.

Serebly the libkin swalms the CLAM,
And eerie sconces brown,
NV cosmos gibbers that / Am.
The curtain shudders down!
Wherefore I wander yenderhenee,
In vain, in vain, I glance!
And, leaning on my supersense,
/ seek the happenstanee!
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
THE FITTEST-FOR WHAT?

The first law of nature Is that the fttest sur
vive.
When we come to the crown and flower of
nature, Man, the same law prevails-the httest
survive.
The Man only among the living creatures of
the earth has the power to determine the con-
ditions which surround him. He may make his
environments those fit for great men and wom-
en-, for a great people, or he may allow 1t to
remain, or to lapse, into an environment mt Tor
human beasts only or even for human yermin.
In our society, the httest will survive-the
fttest for the environment We make or allow
IF we let monopoly and privilege work to en-
slave the masses, the people who survive will
be those who are fitted for enslavement. IL we
build up a society in which all the higher quail
tiles of the human race can flower out, in which
the economic life will be lifted to q high plane,
in which labor will be only a means through
which the physical life shall be supported as the
foundation for a great spiritual and intellectual
life. then the fttest for enlightenment and for
exercise of the powers of the brain and soul
will survive.
The world has seen many great empires made
up of swarming people whose fitness for SUR
viyal lay in their powers of multiplication. 1t
has see OtneTS WHICH nave WaHSu %" N
people worked so engrossingly On civilization
that they could not save themselves from en-
.,lfment by the millions of their competitors
who lived on the lower plane.
Blights and infections are living things whlch
prove themselves fttest to survive when they
destroy higher organisms.
The fttest human beings will surViVe-httes
for the environment. What that environment
shall be is s~ociety's business. And the life OF
society depends on how it discharges 1t.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

do you regard thirteen as an uniucky nun
ber? ?" asked Mr.. Naybor.
"Sure, I dol" growied Mr.. Gabb. "My wifi
ia always saying that she could have married
dozen men before she, met mel
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

NV Bonnie went down in the cellar,
A leaking gas pipe for to see;
He lighted a match to locate 1t
oh, bring back my B-o-n-n-l-e-e 10 me
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McLuke.
Copyright, 1920, by The Cincinnati Enourer.


When mere man gets back from q trip,
His wife has the right dope;
She knows he'll dig out of MS grip
A Jake of hotel soap.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Ouch!

smith hasn't been married very long, has
he?" said Jones.
II don't know" replied Brown. What makes
you think SOP" q.
HE acts sospolite to his wife when ne is OUT
with her" replied Jones.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Too Much Is Plenty!

Our taxing system brings no mirth,
1t makes a fellow groan and sigh;
They tax your cradle at your birth,
Then tax your casket when you die.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

Course Not!
"Wouldn't you like to live in South America
where q fellow can get all he wants 10 drink
asked the Fat Man with the Red Nose.
mot for me-" replied the Thin Man with the
Pale Face. why, it is 100 in the shade there
all the time!" NV.
"Well," argued the Fat Man wistfully: you
don't have to stay in the shade, do you?"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Same Old Story!

Though in training camp the Phenom
Shows up Vets and swats the ball,
He'll be digging UP potatoes
On the farm before next fail. -
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

Airplane flight to $4,000 feet altitude re-
stored speech to a mute. It'd make most OF
us lose our voices.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

The country would be better off if prehib
ton had filled the jais instead of emptyin
them.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

A California widow was married one day ant
applied for a divorce the neYt day. Maybe he
fool husband couldn't waf, and insisted OF
knowing what became Of the Insurance Money
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

The modern Horace Greeley advises. "Yeun
man. come west and catch up with the eoun
try.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Farmers! Here's Your Chance

Farmers! Here's 10uf CnanceI
Owing to the big demand for farms. !
will sell or rent yours. with all the stock
on 1t or without it at the highest price.
Spot Cash Paid.
Write Particulars to
O 8 @ s I p o,
All State st. Perth Amboy, N. J,
(Strictly ConfdentiaD
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

All skulls look much alike. Yet you can
travel months without finding two faces alike
Nature is a marvellous artist-or earteonist.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Orfull

Thia White Mule is a funny thing,
Be careful how you use the juice;
Two drinks make you feel like a KIM
Ten drinks make you feel like a Deuce.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23

We read a lot about skirts getting longer
but it's always over In the next town.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Nntfopf

If Asa Dimonds, of Philadelphia, Penn, Will
report at the Names Is Names Club we can use
him in a poker deck.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Things to Worry Al
Course Not!

The edges on $40 gold pieces are likely
wear holes in the lining of your pockets.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-23
Our Daily Special

OUT DHIIN SINCTu5' -.
Duty Always Comes Before Pleasure-In The
Dictionary.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
REALLY NOTHING TO MENTION
Outside Of a Few Little Pleasantries,
Campaign In chig0ersviIle Was
Quiet Affair. ~..g

"Was the last municipal campaign
in Chiggersville lively one?" -
"No," said Squire Witherbee. Il
cans say it was as lively as some
political fights we've had there in tn
old town. ~. :,
1.-THE candidates didn't indulge in
PERSONAL---VERY.
"None to speak of. The Hon. Jasper
Suggs, who was a candidate for mayor,
called the Hon. Cicero Fillikins, who
was tn rival candidate, a pillager Of
widows an orphans, white-livered
skunk an a flop-eared hound, an
Fillikins told the voters that Suggs
was wolf in sleeps clothing, an a
gin-soaked, booze-guzzling political
turncoat, but outside Of a few little
pleasantries like that it was one of
the quietest campaigns we ever, had
in Chiggersville. "-Birmingham Age
Herald. 49, - sz~s.1 w.. 2
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
+ You Need a Medicine
You Should Have the Best

Have you ever stopped to reason why
It is that so many products that are ex.
tensively advertised, all at once drop out
of sight and are soon forgotten? The
reason is PLAINTIFF article did not fulfill
the promises of the manufacturer. This
applies more particularly to medicine.
"A medicinal preparation that has real
curative value almost sells itself, as like
an endless chain system the remedy 10
recommended by those who have been
benefited, to those who are in need of it
A prominent druggist says "Take for
example DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root, q
preparation have sold for many years
and never hesitate to recommend, for in
almost every case it shows excellent re-
suits, as many Of my customers testify
No other kidney remedy has 50 large
sale"
According to sworn statements and
verified testimony of thousands who have
used the preparation, the success of Dr.
Kilmer's Swamp-Root is due to the fact,
20 many people claim, that it fulflls al.
most every wish in overcoming kidney,
liver and bladder ailments; corrects uri.
nary troubles and neutralizes the uric
acid which causes rheumatism.
You may receive sample bottle OF
Swahp-Roo by Parcels Post. Address
DR.. Kilmer & Co., Binghamton, N. Y,
and enclose ten cents; also mention this
paper. Large and medium size bottles
for sale at all drug stores. Advertisemen
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
wife TAKES
HUSBANDSADv|CE
And Is Made Well Again
by Lydia E. Pinkhaln's
- Vegetable Compound

Springfield, Mass.-'The doctor told
my husband that had to have an oper-
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
N at He.

"a Teller came to my house luther
day, wanting me to take stock in the
Disarmament league, or something of
the sort, at dollar SHARE" related
Gap johnson of Rumpus Ridge, Ark.
II don't reckon you bought none?''
returned an acquaintance. ~.
"You're mighty durn right didn't
While he was showing 'em to me he
stepped on the tail Of one of the dogs,
and when the pore varmint snapped at
him the Internal cuss kicked the dog.
I wouldn't buy nuth'n from no such in
human scoundrel as that, If never
got rich kansas City Star.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

four months I could do but little work,
had to lie down most Of the time, was
nervous and could eat hardly anything,
but my husband was always reminding
me to take the Vegetable Compound,
which did. OF my eight children this
last one was the easiest birth of all and
I am thankful for your Vegetable Com
pound. I recommend it to my friends
when ! hear them complaining about
their ills. Mrs. M. NATALIE, u FIRE.
mont st., Springfield, Mass.
Sickly, ailing women make unhappy
homes, and after reading Mrs. Natalie g
letter one can imagine how this home
was transformed by her restoration to
health. Every woman who suffers from
such ailments should give Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound fair trial.
It is surely worth while.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
Much Cheaper Now.

"These letters, your honor" said
the lawyer for the fair plaintiff,
"were written to my client by the
defendant. ) You will observe that
they are filed with passionate terms
Of endearment and signed Your Sugar
Lump" ~ ~. ~
'sYour honor" interrupted the de-
fendant, please bear. in mind that the
young woman asks 100000 for being
deprived Of her Sugar Lump and I
would like to call your attention to
the fact that sugar has gone down.
Birmingham Age-Herald. r.. T..
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

It is wise proverb that can't be
effectually famed by another one.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
MOTHER! MOVE
CHILD'S BOWELS WITH
w.. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP

Hurry, mother! Even sick child
loves the 'fruity" taste Of "California
Fig Syrup" and it never fails to open
the bowels. A teaspoonful today may
prevent sick child tomorrow. If con-
stipated, bilious, feverish, fretful, has
cold, collie, or If stomach is sour,
tongue coated, breath bad, remember a
good cleansing Of the little bowels is
often all that is necessary.
Ask your druggist for genuine "Cali.
fornia Fig Syrup which has directions
for babies. and children Of all ages
printed on bottle. Mother! You must
say "California" or you may get an
imitation fig sy up.-Advertisement.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

$. The Dog and the Cat.
'tHas your wife any pets?''' -.
"Yes, but I'm not one Of them."-
Detroit Free Press. z<,''
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

alton, otherwise !
would be q sickly
woman and could not
have any more chi.
dren on account OF
my weakened con-
dition. I refused to
have the operation.
My husband asked
me to try Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound to see
if it would not help
mo For tho frat.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
Try Beino Poor.

whats the good of Wealth. =
"What, indeed7 I have four auto.
mobiles and the doctor says must
walk to and from the office" -Bos
ton Transcript. =. -. ,.. -.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06
Animal Superiority.

An1nndI oUPeTIoTIIy.
did you ever see movie star with
out some kind of silly affectation2"
"Only one."
"Man, woman or chi1d?"
"Nelther. A dog."-Birmingha
Age-Herald.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

-'3~ An Imperfect contafner.
"Her tears gave the thing away
s"Well, we might have known 1t
would leak out" = -: s.
The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1921-10-06

x. A fortunate limitation Of vacations
IL no doubt the fact that they cost
so much. .
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
A GREAT PRESIDENT

E produced presidents
 Wilson The
 United of world The latter leaves his history determine his place the wise of all time
 Perhaps of Lincoln has n well prepared for standpoint training he leaves in a andto O
 Today Wilson officially good however there need of accurate account of the presidential office of this history as retiring president
 history predecessors domestic provincial While his ideas have been temporarily held eventually realities
 opposition developed this other nations against his proposals There again time and freedom from political turmoil will tell the
 mean preach euogy of Woodrow point out his inherent greatness and his clam to fame and thanks his counymen Hamilton Holt nationally known pub icist said o Wilson
 Tt who first focused the and often diverse aims
 
 the basis which negotiated than who translated into practical statesansp the aged prophets philosophers by setting end cooperation could substituted petition affairs.
 staesmanshp which her o subde her nshbors has compelled her make TOT her restored has o United States"
 politics his will ideals which have been rudy kicked in the political applicable affairs Many of the attacks on the president have been political Ih at nation led by naturally conditions which many desired eliminated chief usually held responsible for any condition of affairs United Woodrow Wilson's household paid the price being practical dea instead of practical
 people his his ideal and what he thought deuocracys soldier who fields of France. there doubt
 probability the happy in the nation today Woodrow w He the % of to his successor Success be 10 both of them
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04

practical mind. Tn fact, he was some thing of a dreamer But he went to the city and made good And when vacation rolled around he went back home and the folks were ready to rec ognize his ability. How he made good, how he won the girl of his heart, how his dreams came true Is told in five reels of delicious comedy drama Tn Charles Rays newest pro ductiOn,. Homer Comes Home" which comes to the Eagle theatre tonight ana Saturday and Central theatre Sunday. These homespun stories which endeared the star 10 the public are the finest things which are coming to the screen. This newest production shouldn't be missed. It carries q full quota ~of laughs, sprinkled with touches of pathos and sentiment. And there is a happy philosophy behind it all
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
GOD SPEED YOU, WOODROW WILSON
sY pR. WILLIAM E. BARTON


 
  they did t November they would like to do it. the kicking the steps of appeared the White he good himself these and a to the brusqueness day the to thai the
  mistakes; O come to discuss them. who not obiyiou pathetic
  remaining
 of subscribe preparation if advise much to tho story of pounding cut on your typewriter and hope You among Tel the lhle o yoursi situation One noble thing plots Of other nations with Apspe snie MT Wilson. e her the Es
 The historian you fort very deaisin conscience this side the the other side could a, all.
 Flour proud of 9 You likely Harding 10 o'clock Yl considerably May am and him the guidance of good men. And may you have quiet happy ahead
 The American peaple bid friendly Good NishN
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
CHAMP CLARK

ITHN twb terminating periods w poster and no soor be forgot Peace to his soul, spakership He erude O worthy
 
 Missouri
 
 fighting followed us presidency O in o an of his--our we'll by Champ Clark behind country
  good stead thrdun with activity
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
Mutt and Jeff-

Those two eXemplars Of joy, happi- ness, screams, fun and laughtef. Mutt and Jeff" are soon to be in our midst again which should be. by the way, welcome news to the million ad- mirers of the famous Bud Fisher comics. This year Manager Gus Hill, who foresaw their possibilities upon the. stage, has surrounded them wf;h an entirely new vehicle entitled Mutt and Jeff at the Races and which is to be the next attraction at Gran l theatre March s. for three uproGFiOus acts, these kings Of numor, hilarity, and mirth will engage in . series oi adventures. feuds, surprises and con plication certain to arouse the risibIi- ities of even the staid old Sphinx. And when one can accomplish her culean task like this. the fact is worth while chronicling- Music that should moret han charm the savage beast, comedy that should find it's way into the blood, and jinsles that should make the rafters ring witn euphonious echoes are few of the good things promised. Av any rate
 Mutt and Jeff whose popularity like the proverbial bToos, seems to go on forever. should more than clean up this season. In fact, with their pres ent vehicles-they should literally
 triumph
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
"Riders of the Dawn"

Violet Schram. she of the million dollar eyes" lends the binding effect of those beautifui optics to Riders Of the Davn,@ Benjamin B. Hampton's second big Zane Grey production. She appears as a semi-vSmp; but in part different from any other in which her eyes have ever wrought destruction, for she is the French girl, who as part Of the intrigue against the wheat rancher, Kurt DOTn, pretends to be his wife, claiming that he married her in France during the war.
 Therehy Roy Stewart, as "Kurt
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
NEAR EAST RELIEF

nR HERMAN ADLER noted crminologist Chicago there D bad in that Inc
 good" there neither inprcgnabe
 The Adler habits inteigences They the
 And this experiences mobru nation takes a step backward in civilization.
 the be shaken | is rather fixed Is
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
FELTS
 THREATENED TO KILL HATFIELD

WILLIAMSON, W. Va, March B. Testimony that Albert c. Felts in connection with whose F men are be ing tried, told one of his >associates that his party would ''sh6ot Jup'' Matewan and kill Sid Hatfield. chief of police, and Mayor C. C. Testern:an was given by Troy Farley, a defense witness today.
 Farley testified he, was present when detectives. working under Felts evicted striking miners families from mining company houses few hours prior to the time, F'elts met death last May 19.
 During the eviction. Farley testi- fled, Felts called one of his associates and issued instructions. These in structions, Farley said he overheard.
Bisbee daily review., 1921-03-04
Auto Graveyard
 Evidence Of Theft
 Insurance Swindle

BUFFALO,. March 5.-The finding of the wrecks of seventeen automo- piles at the foot of a cliff on the south shore of Lake Erie. few miles west of Buffalo. has convinced the police that companies insuring against theft haze been systematically cheat cd. Insurance companies, in self de- fense, are carefully examining candi. dates for insurance of this kind.
 In this lake shore graveyard of au- tomobiles are makes of many sorts. from the plain runaoout up to the pre- tentious limousine. Marks on the