St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1921-04-23

you were young. Whenever a boy
puts up a Job on me, and I feel my
self getting mad, recall some Of my
own exploits when was lad, and
that enables me to forget my troubles.
II was looking through an ancient
album last evening, and saw the pic
lures Of lot of people who fell. OH
the earth many years ago. They were
venerable men and women in my
schooldays, and had played tricks
on every one of them; not with NAL
ice aforethought, but just because
kid must have his fun.
"There was a picture Of old Aunt
Betsy, who used to come to our house
once in a while, on visit, and as soon
as she came she took charge of every
thing. She knew how to do things
better than anybody else, and she was
always criticising my mothers meth
DDS. Whenever mother started to do
anything, Aunt Betsy would take the
Job out of her hands, saying she would
show the right way to do it.
II had heard somewhere that If you
put a drop or two Of acetic acid in
a gallon of cream, that cream will
never make butter. I had great
memory for such facts, and kept them
on file where they would be useful.
One morning mother said she would
have to churn, and she got things
ready I knew that as soon as she
started Aunt Betsy would want to
show her how 1t should be done, so
when I had chance, I dropped some
of the acid into the churn, which was
one of those old upright affairs, with
a dasher that you worked up and
down until the butter came.
Mother seated herself on stool
and began churning, and then Aunt
Betsy came along, and said that while
she was a modest and unassuming
woman, she did claim to know lit
tie more about churning than anybody
of her weight in that part Of the
country. Let me do it, my dear said
she, and I'll have butter In seven
minutes by the clock So she took
hold Of the dasher and began Shaping
away with it. She worked and worked,
and the sweat began rolling down her
face, and every once In while shed
lift the lid Of the churn to see what
allied the doggone cream, and then
she'd pour in some cold water, and
then some hot water, and the more
she wrestled away, the less sign OF
butter was there.
"She whaneed away at that ding
busted churn for two hours and
couldn't get results, and she was SO
mad and Disguised over 1t she want
ed to pack her trunk and go back
home. Mother saw me rolling around
in the yard all doubled up with I'M
holy mirth, and she realized at once,
by deductive reasoning, that was
responsible, and the licking | got that
evening took the edge off my sense
of humor for three weeks.
"Another time, Uncle james was VS.
iting us. He used to sit in rustic
chair under an apple tree and doze,
after dinner. He had a bald head,
and his hat always slid Off after ne
had snored few times. One day !
sneaked up behind him with feather
and began tickling his head. He'd
slap his dome of thought and cuss
little, and then doze again, when l
would get busy with the feather. Ihat
went on for quite a while, and I was
having the time Of my life. ! never
heard any language more highly col
ored than Uncle James put up.
my mother heard him saying
things, and came to the door and asked
him what was the matter, and he
said ding-donged lopsided fly was
chewing, his scalp off. He had chased
It away three million times, but 1t al
ways came back. I got another lick
ing that night, and my mind was oc-
cupied with serious things for .
month"
A Simpleton.
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