Every evening, Wilmington daily commercial., 1921-09-24
That Proposal
Custom Demands, and We DO,
Certain Time Honored Things.

Americans are sometimes ac-
cused of putting the cart before
the horse when we permit young
men to propose to our daughters
before they have received parental
sanction for the step. And of
course our opinion is that the
Continental manner of appealing
to the parents before appealing to
the young woman who is after all
most concerned in the affair is
piece of absurdity.
However in this matter as In
most that have to do with every
day manners the middle course
proves to be the best one, and al
though the young woman ought 10
be the first to be consulted the
suitor after having been accepted by
the young woman ought to make
speed TO seek the consent of the
young woman's parents or legal
guardian.
OF course we all know that most
young women decide these mat
ters for themselves, and as a mat
ter of fact parents are quite glad
not to have the responsibility of
selecting anything so important as
a SON In law, but the custom is
still kept up. 1t is no more alb
surd to cling to it than ii is TO
cling TO the custom of asking the
legal guardian of the bride to
give her away" in the marriage
service. although that is a survival
from the time when fathers
actually did exercise a sort of
ownership over their daughters
and women in a mans household
had little more legal status than
his slaves.
The Parents Consent.
The custom of asking a parents
consent really amounts to little
more than to asking his sanction
and his good wishes, and there
should be nothing solemn or for
NAL about the procedure. A young
woman usually knows before she
accepts a suitor her parents atti-
tude toward him for in most
American households there is free
discussion on the part of the
various members of the family
all the way from grandmother TO
the small brother-of big sisters
various suitors, as they come and
go. And wise parents will usually
do all in their power to dissuade
a young girl from encouraging an
Objectionable wooer's suit before
he has actually declared himself.
For this reason a young woman's
consent TO become a young mans
wife usually carries with IL her
parents acquiescence if not their
enthusiastic consent. But even
when the young man knows there
is open objection to the marriage
he should show his good breeding
either by calling personally on the
father or writing courteous let
ter asking for his consent. Often
just such letter will tend to
smooth down the prejudice that IS
felt against him. A frank talk be-
tween the two men viii sometimes
remove Observation-Disclosures that
might otherwise persist for many
years.
The Marriage Settlement.
On the continent, and here when
an American girl becomes engaged
TO a foreigner of wealth or posi-
ton. there, is usually an elab-
orately arranged marriage settle
ment, that makes ii perfectly clear
just what wealth the bride pos
sesses and what her husbands in
come is likely to be. The parents
feel it their duty to insure their
daughter a definite income as they
: wisely know that ever the mosi
ardent of lovers cannot live upor
love pudding and kisses. In thi.
country, too. il is perfectly fail
that the father or legal guardian
should know something of ths
future SON in laws financia
status. If he likes the young mar
he can sometimes give him valu,
able advice or aid in his affair,
so that the term of the engage
ment is shortened. The demans
for a definite understanding il
this matter, too, tends to quicker
young mans ambition, for h
feels that in order 10 marry tn
woman he loves he must hav
achieved certain business sue
cessf
Sometimes American young me-
take ii as an intrusion whel
fathers in -law-to-be demand
statement of their financial condi
tion. As matter of fact custom
gives permission to make this in
Quiry. However, once the mar
riage has occurred il is no longe
the fathers business to know tn
son-in-iaw's affairs, any more 70
the son-in- law TO know tn
fathers affairs. Only in cases Q
obvious distress or on the reques
of the daughter have members c
her family any right to interfer
in the financial condition of he
husband.