Indiana daily times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1914-1922, 1921-05-21

are higher up In the profession than 1
am. Now, what could either Of you have
done in the present emergency to set us
on our feet again? Could you do it,
Ricksy?
- must confess, Mr.. Bassett,' says
Kicks, speaking nearly inaudible out of
| g slice of pie, that at this immediate
! juncture could not, perhaps, promote an
enterprise to relieve the situation. Large
operations, such as I direct, naturally
require careful preparation in advance.
L
az know, Ricksy, breaks in Bill Bas-
! sett. you needn't finish. You need 500
to make the first payment on a blond
! typewriter, and four roomsful of quar-
! tered oak furniture. And you need $500
more for advertising contracts. And you
need two weeks time for the fish to be-
! gin to bite. Your line of relief would be
about as useful in an emergency as ad-
vocatfng municipal ownership to cure a
man suffocated by S0-cent gas. And your
| graft amt much swifter, Brother Peters,
he winds up.
"'Oh,' says 1, 4 haven't seen you turn
anything into gold with your wand yet.
Mr.. Good Fairy. Most anybody could
rub the magic ring for little leftover
victuals.'
"'That was only getting the pumpkin
ready says Bassett braggy and cheerful.
The coach and skill drive up to the door
before you know it, Miss Cinderella
! Maybe you've got some scheme under
your your sleeve-holders that will give
US a start
Son says 1, I'm fifteen years older
than you are, and young enough yet TO
take out an endowment policy. I've beer
broke before. We can see the lights OF
! that town not half a mile away. l learned
under Montague Silver, the greatest
street man that ever spoke from wagon
! There are hundreds of men walking those
streets this moment with grease spots Oh
their clothes Give me a gasoline lamp
a dry goods box and twO-dollar bar OF
CASTLE soap, cut into little
Where's your two dollarsr snickereo
Bill Bassett into my discourse. 1ner'
was no use arguing with that burglar
ono he goes on; you're both 6aoes
| in the wood. Finance has closed tnt
mahogany desk, and trade has put the
shutters up. Both of you look to lapoI
to start the wheels going. All right
You admit it, Tonight III show you
what Bill Bassett can do
"Bassett tells me and Rlcks not U
leave the cabin till he comes back, ever
if it's daylight, and then ne starts Oh
toward town, whistling gay.
"This Alfred E. Kicks pulls of his
shoes and his coat, lays silk handker
chief over his hat, and lays down OF
~ think I Will endeavor to secure &
little siumber,' he squeaks. THE day
has been fatiguing. Goodnight, my deal
Mr. Peters
" MY regards to Morpheus, says l. J
think I'll sit up a while
about . O'Clock, as near as l could
guess by my watch in Peavine, nome
comes our laboring man and kicks W
Kicks, and calls us to the streak OF
bright moonlight shining in the cabin
door Then he spreads out five packages
Of $1,000 each on the floor, and begins
to cackle over the nest-eeg like a hen
"T'u tell you a few things about thai
town saws he. It's named Rocky
Springs. and they're building a Masonic
temple and it looks like the Democratic
candidate for mayor is going to get
soaked by a Pop. and Judge Tucker
wife, who has been down with pleurlsy
is some better / had talk on these
liuiputian thesises before I could get 6
siphon in the fountain of knowledge thai
was after. And there's a bank there
called the Lumbermans Fidelity anc
Flowmans Savings Institution It CLOSED
for business yesterday with $@3,OoO casf
on hand 1t will open this morning witt
S1s.OO0-nlI silver-thats the reason
didn't bring more. There you are trade
and capital Now, will you be bad"
"'My young friend, says Alfred f
Kicks, holding up his hands have yoi
robbed this bank? Dear me, dear me
"You coldn't call il that says Bias
sett '"Robbing' sounds harsh. All
had to do was to find out what stree
il was on. That town is so quiet tina
I could stand on the corner and hear tn
| umblers clicking in that safe lock-
fright to As: left to so; right once TO 80
left to 15'-as plain as the Yale captain
giving orders in the football dialect
Now, boys, says Bassett, this is al
early rising town. They tell me the citi
zens are all up and stirring before day
| light l asked what for, and they sale
because breakfast was ready at tina
time And what of merry Robin Hood
It must be Yoicks! and away with thu
| ttnkers' chorus. IN stake you. How
much do you want? Speak up. Capital.
"My dear young friend says thi
ground squirrel of a Kicks. standing OF
his hind legs and Juggling nuts in hi
paws, 4 have friends in Denver wht
would assist me. II / had hundred
dollars =
"Bassett unpins package Of the cur
rency and throws five twenties TO Kicks
"'Trade. how much 2 he says to me.
"'Put your money up, Labor says
L never vet drew upon honest toll fo
its hard earned pittance. The dollars
get are surplus ones that are burnin,
the pockets of damfools and greenhorns
When I stand on a street corner ant
sell solid gold diamond ring to a yaI
for So. | make just So And I know
he's going to give Il TO a girl in return
for all the benfits accruing from n SIP
| ring. Ills profits are Si-z. WhIch O.
us is the biggest fakir?'
"'And when you sell a poor woman
pinch OF sand for 80 cents to keep he
lamp from exploding. says Bassett
what do you figure her gross earnings
10 he, with sand at 40 cents a tong
e Listen says I. I instruct her Il
keep her lamp clean and we'll filled 1
she does that it can't burst. And wit:
the sand in 1t she knows II can't anC
she won't worry. It's a kind of Indus
trial Christian Science. She pays q
cents and gets both Rockefeller and Mrs
Eddy on the Job. 1t amt everybodJ
that can let the gold-dust twins do theil
work
alfred E. Kicks all but ticks the dus
off of Bill Bassett's shoes.
Ny dear young friend, says he, =
will never forget your generosity
Heaven will reward you. But let me i'm
plore you to turn from your ways o,
violence and crime
'Mousie. says Bill, the hole In the
wainscoting for yours. Your dogmas
and inculcutions sound to me like the
last words of a bicycle pump What
has your high moral. elevator service
system Of pillage brought you tot
Penuriousness and want. Even Brother
Peters, who insists upon cOntaminating
the art of robbery with theories of com