New-York tribune., 1921-12-11
Criidiron Wits
Aim No Jest at
Arms Parley
Entertainment Offered by
Club at Annual Dinner
Attuned TO International
Character of Gathering
Ship Normally Reported
Book Stall Supplies Records
Of Political Authors, to
Vast Amusement of Guests

" fN~''AAA>o ~ 4 SANs cSS. ANs = ANSV GNSAi
4 the Versailles conference were so
NY of the great figures in the af-
RS OF the world brought together in
= dining room as assembled tonight
= the guests of the Gridiron Club at
Ye clubs annual winter dinner.
Not only were the President, the
fice- President and the Cabinet pres
mt, but the guests also included all
OF the principal delegates attending
the conference, the French, Belgian,
Japanese, italian and British ambassa-
dors, the ministers from Portugal,
China and the Netherlands, eminent
Senator'S and Representatives famous
business men and financiers, and dis
tinguished journalists from all parts of
the world.
In ono aspect, the dinner was a
plenary session of the men who hold
in their hands the forces and powers
that are guiding to their destiny the
chief nations. Unlike plenary ses-
sion of the international conference,
however. this was a closed and not an
open session, for it is q rule of the
Gridiron Club that no speech made at
club dinner shall be reported. Thus
1t was that under this implied pledge
of confidence famous personalities de-
livered notably frank and informing
speeches.
Naturally the form Of entertainment
: offered by the club to its guests was
attuned to the international character
Of the gathering.
Satire Method Abandoned
In treating the conference. however.
the club for once abandoned its Gus
$<p, rr yra<hnfs Of cafiro xrt% nd
humor and dealt with the subject in
= thoroughly dignified and respectful
fashion. The keynote was sounded
early in the proceedings when men,
Der OF the club addressed the assembly
as follows:
give great powers, meeting hers
in Washington, have achieved in a
months time more than all the world
achieved for disarmament in quarter
of century Of aspiration and effort.
To these five powers the Grdiron Club
tonight pays homage. We feel that it
is fitting for US to look upon five sym
bo}s which represent those powers,
banded in common cause, whose work
here is translating the great vision into
fact. The symbols We shall show you
are not those of war, but of peace. To-
night they stand together as closely
bound by ties of brotherhood as they
were in the day of world tragedy. We
ask you, gentlemen, to look upon
them'
- One by one the sitken banners Of
Japan, Italy, France, Great Britain and
the United States were borne into the
room, each by bearer attired in the
military uniform Of the country rep
tional anthem of that country, played
by the Marine Band. Every flag was
received with tumultuous applause, all
present standing. When the Ave had
been grouped a member of the club an
nounced:
"To these five flags, united in The
task that barrier against war shall
be built high and strong and smperish-
able, the Gridiron Club offers its
salute"
To the music Of "The Star-Spangled
Banner" the flags were marched off and
the gayety of the evening began.
Ship Normally Reported
Part Of the equipment of the dining
room was radio installation. The
guests were informed that "Nine
months ago the good ship Normally
sailed on an uncharted sea. Through
the wireless the Gridiron Club will be
kept informed tonight. Of her move-
ments."
Periodically through the evening the
they were received. Among them were
the following:
Running on even keel. Band play
Ing. Everybody singing. Not care in
the world Wish all could see our
proud ship as she plows majestic ocean.
p. Sour smoke screen 10 working
Ane.
"This message has been rslayed via
Milwaukee and st, Louis: Three nflea
Oh shore. Deep water. Nc bars. Roar
Admiral Wayne Wheeler at the helm.
Whewl How the wind blows"
patronage clouds. Gunnerb Mate
, Davis Elkins threatens mutiny. Stokers
and coal pasaera all want to be first
efficers. It's bitter night at sea-"
"This radio Is rather cryptic. It il
dated, still at Sea, via Birmingham,
Ala Ethiopian storms. No, that isn't
right. Oh, yes, equinoctial storms!
White and colored stokers work to-
gether, but won't eat or sleep. Now
steering Northern Lights. Cold south
ern winds"
"ship rolling heavily. Cannot ac-
count for it, as sea is calm. Later
Mystery solved: Chief Engineer George
Harvey Is rocking the boat"
"A final message from the Normalcy:
Now in foreign waters. Pilot Hughes
aboard. Skies fair and sea calm. Eight
bells and the larboard watch. All's
welll"
At book stall erected In the center
Of the dining room club members APP
peared examining the display. One
found Fl. g. Wells's "Outline Of His
tory" and asked who Mr.. Wells was.
"He," was the response, ais the only
man who ever wrote historic account
OF prehistoric times"
Life Of Tumulty-Wflson
Here went on customer, els that
new Life of Joseph p. Tumulty by
Woodrow Wilson--pardon me. l mean
that Life Of Woodrow Wilson by Jo-
seph P. Tumulty."
"You mean, 'Oh, Whist Know About
Woodrow Wilson,"
That's it. was worried fcY fear ne
would not treat his distinguished sub
ject in a respectful manner"
"Don't worry. Mr.. Boswss- never
knew his business half so we'll a. Mr..
Tun1ulty."
After Maynard Keynes's book on
NThe Economic Consequences of the
Peace" had been Identified, another
& member found James M. Cox'a book or
"The Political Consequences Of the
Peace"
u read It," said member. ats
morbid"
Mr., Wells. Mr.. Tumulty, n. Wickham
= ~