The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-01-13
JAZZ
BY BRUCE COPELAND
Queer Birds.
BY BRUCE COPELAND
no. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES 1t

He has always heard some wonderful stun
Which will be delivered straight to your door
All of whom ringing bells
To attract attention.
That's how safe it is.
He had of it the night before
Down at So-and-So's place.
And 1t was the best he'd tasted
1t goes direct from the train to the customer
In the manner described
And the only profit made manufacturing price
Is five dollars per
Such ridiculous prices for inferior stuff,
When all you have to do
How much and when
So one day do let him know.
And then 1t turns out
That he's lost the telephone number,
Or that soand-so has gone to Cuba for the winter.
Or that the last case sold yesterday.
But ne has always heard of something else.
And he will ring you up about it
Inc very next time he runs across the
Then there is The Exercise Hound
Every weekend she dresses or Mrs Peary
AND goes Out to country club
She is always teephonins you
At the break of day
To ask you if you don't want to sprint
Or the Terrace Gardens
Or the Palace.
She has errands in those directions.
And thinks the walk will do you good.
1t is beyond her
How retain your rosy and aiabe disposition
Without spending more time in the open air.
And il you don't get sensible shoes
And pace the parksde daily,
Why on earth won't you write Susanna cocroft
Or somebody like that?
If by chance you let her persuade you
To walk somewhere with her.
Leave all hope behind of hopping into a taxicab
When fatigue Overtakes you
Because even you persist and do SO,
She will tell you about it mixed society
At your enormous expense
The Exercise Hound may be glowing with health
And all that sort of thing;
But it's all she can do ,.
To keep awake over the bridge game
YOU YOU KNOW Know HER.
There is The Professional Conversationalist
You meet her at teas and dances.
Somebody has told her that she talks well
Without Informing her
That its. the woman who knows how to listen
Who gets dragged into tetea-tetes
BY the most desirable males.
heard that there
Ideas things and people, =.
Listed in the order of their desrability.
She believes it, poor thing!
And what make Ensten theory
And you think the Irish really capable
OF governing themselves
She you with her
Until you are utterly helpless,
And unless some discerning soul strols BY .
To rescue you from your plight
You must miss all the dancing.
YOU KNOW HER
There Is also The Tired Business Man.
Although tolls some and spins more,
Co.'s to those Of ziegned.
Competition the life of trade
Often threatens to be the death OF him.
II he knows any poetry at ALL
The odds ten to one
That It was penned by Kiplng or servca
Nobody need expect him
To take Keats from the shelf
And read a passages aloud
when he goes the theatre
He does not make for the small playhouses
where the stage Is being uplifted
Instead he tells the box Office
To reserve him two on the aisle
At ! theatre where something else is being uplifted
fA NAV never have heard of Walter Pater,
Rut he knows how to skim financial page
Without missing trick
tia is NO help to his wife at q hossy gathering.
But he always gets the railroad reservations straight
And can to order the gardenseed plenty time
he ia the white hope CT the feminine sex.
YOU KNOW HIM.
Mad, Woman!