The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1921-04-28

j The Index was accounted tho b,
bustIe fabric In this part Of Idahs
Now II the time to subscriba.
4 a friend once wrote Marx Twsin
letter saying that he was IN vary b.
health, and concluding: rs Their
anything worse than having tooth
achs and sarachs ct ths same time :
/ Twain wrote hack: +Yes, rheuma
tam and st. Vitus dance"
This one Is told on Fatty Arbucklc
the movie conssdian. IAN old codgel
approached him and asked: IL your
name Arbuckle7' Being answered II
the affirmative he continued, Well
/ am glad TO meet you. 4 have used
your coffee for 20 years.
"Well, Mary Ellen, and why weren't
you at school yesterday?" please
teacher" replied the girl, mother
WAS H." "Dear me-" said the teach
cr, fearing infection; what is the
matter with her? What does the
doctor say it isl" please, teacher,
he says it's q boy"
Old Bill Misgivens tells OF a man
he once knew who tried to talk to his
wife while he was shaving, and cut
his nose of. He stuck it back on,
bandaged it up and it grew fast again,
but in his haste he got the nose up
side down. He got along all right
except that when out In the rain he
nearly strsngied, and that every time
he sneezed he blew his hat on.
"Once in = while when Ne 60 to
get clean handkerchief We arc fore
IDLY reminded Of our efforts in war
time economy by finding salt sacks
and pieces Of shirt tails in the bag
remarked Old Bill Misgivens a. he
wiped his dripping nose on his blouse
sleeve. 1.-THE missus inshts they
must be used. Linen 10 too hard to
get just yet. Really, we wish the
fax raising nations would quit rails
ing heck long enough to resume their
old line Of work"
No one seems satisfied One man
IS saving up to buy home and an
'ther is trying hard TO sell his dwell
ng for less than it cost. One man
seeps pistol to protect himself
against burglars, while his next door
'riend doesn't keep one for fear ne
will shoot himself or some member
# his family. One man pays for his
'aper in advance because he can read
t with greater relish, while an
Their takes his paper for years with
ut paying cent and enjoys the joke
n the editor for sending it. Surely
his is funny, funny world.
Ven Ay COON ober from Sweden
~ work on farm in Meenesota and
~ tank Ay speek purity kvick vid
a American language. But ven Ayl
eescover dat ven Ay vas kvick Ay
rs fast; eff Ay wouldn't bulge Ay
as fast; ef Ay spend mooch money
y vas fast; eff Ay bot huked on da ,
snce Ay vas fast; and my vasherwo-
ian she skall ask me if my shirt I
ane fast color; Of Ay eat nothing Ay
ane fast; an da foreman he skall
SIX me Wy Ay bane fast asleep at ,
our o'clock in da morning; an Ay II
II heem Ay am Disguised; Ay yust /
1t out desc fast beesness, and Ay {
ane slow ever since.
q 4 Q
Policemen on trial at headquarters
70 apt at excuses, says the New
ork Sun. Former Inspector Will
ans used to tell Of an officer who !
as charged with having lost his 9
histlc. When asked to explain he /
i'd: "You see, / went home last :
ght and put my whistle on the Ia :
e. turned round and, bless me, i
Re Of my kids was choking and near a
black in the face. You see, COM n
issioner, he'd swallowed the whis- :
b" ais he deadi" asked the sympa-
etic commissioner. "No, SRI" was
e reply. HE isn't dead, but he's '
i the whooping cough. and now ev- /,
y time he coughs the whistle blows d
4 the cop on the beat comes a-run- u
aR." o
q . . D
Parson Johnson, an evangelist Of O
Ior. was caught hugging one Of the o
est "ewe" lambs Of the congrega- 9
n, who was = very popular young y
", and it created quite stir in :
} church. So Brudder johnson was
,ught up for trial. "You have seen
sse great pictures, suppose, so
L u \ L =.