South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1921-08-28

near. and a husky constitution. you
do not need 70 worry about your
livelihood. You can get good pay
iIs sob as a movie child.
The are doubtless correspond
ence schools which give excellent
courses in mOvie-childing But they
are hardly necessary.
The best way 20 begin Is 20 go
rlght 90 a movie factory and apply
for a Job. II you can give a salts
factory performance the first tina.
you will get r. After that all you
need 70 do IS 20 follow the instruc-
tons OF the director.
Before you begin. however. there
are a few things that you ought to
know. The purpose OF this article Il
20 acquaint you with them.
u Is necessary in the first place 20
know how 20 swim. Movie children
seldom have mothers, being the sort
OF children who seem 20 be cursed
with step mothers.
Now step mothers are not only
cold hearted and wicked but highly
frascible and temperamental females.
When they get put out about any
thing. such as a damp day taking the
curl out Of their hair. or bad
night at tho neiEhbOrhOOd bridge
game. one OF the first things they do
f. % take the movie child by its
hand and lead the trusting little
creature down 20 the river.
Just as ne IS saying. Look. ma
ma. see the pretty ship" the step
mother seizcs him under the arms,
takes a couple OF practice swings.
and hurls him .nto the water.
II the movie child can swim. 10 is
all right. II ne can't he has 20 wait
for the hero. who thoroughly dis
guised as a big hearted longshore-
man. dives or a dock near by and
hurries 10 the rescue.
This is all right II the hero hap
pens 70 know how 20 swlm- But
supposing he doesn't. Where would
the movie child be then?
Melting Eyes.
Another prime requisite for movie
chiiding is the ability TO influence by
a look the hard hearts Of burglars.
installment collectors. and small
town deacons whose business II IS 10
foreclose the mortgage on property
occupied as dwellings by movie chill
dren and their impoverished parents.
Many n burglar. with his bag AL
neatly packed with gold and jewels
and bonds. has dropped the swag
and broken out with sobs merely be-
cause the movie child sat up in bed
while the subtitle said for him:
That's my papa's money In that
bag: he was saving it to join a golf
club with. sir"
If this IS done properly the burg
lar VIII not only restore everything
in the bag 10 the various pieces of
furniture. but viii leave a note in
forming the movie child's papa that
he (the burglary has put him up at
his (the burglar's) own golf club and
Will expect him around at O'Clock
that afternoon to play a foursome.
If the caller happens 20 be the dea-
con after the money long overdue on
the mortgage, the movie child must
say:
When I am a man I shall go into
the deacon business myself and fore
:
farm. you big bum"
This will be too much for the dea-
con, and with a harsh cry, which OF
course you must infer from the ex-
preston of his face he will leave the
place. never to return.
Another thing much expected Of
the movie child Is 20 be frequently
nl-oh! desperately i'll
He must lie in a little white bed
with an expression Of deep suffering
on his little white face. while the old
doctor snaps the lid OF his medicine
case and shakes his head. indicating
that there fs no hope whatever. Their
the child must summon all its LITTLE
strength. pull itself on the pillow and
say:
Never fear. Mother. I do not IN
tend 10 leave you"
Then everybody will smile and the
baffIed doctor viii stamp out Of the
house In a blind fury. his profess
sionaI reputation badly denied by the
words Of a mere child.
No Love Lost.
The next day the movie child viii
be out on the street throwing bricks
at a passing policeman. pasume
which delights all movie children
and the doctor Will drive by in hi:
car.
He will smile at the doctor. but
the doctor VIII not smile back Doc
tors do not like movie children. They
know too much about doctors
Sometimes the movie child IS
caddv. and thcn he has 90 hunt fOl
lost balls while the golfer stands and
curses him. and threatens 10 have
him fired by che caddy master.
But that is not serious. for he IS
certain 90 find q diamond ring on an