The Washington herald., 1921-07-29
THE oLDFAMILY AND THE NEW.

THE LDFAMILY AND THE NEW.
Chief among the knotty problems
into which newlyweds bump-and
over which most husbands and
wives tight from the altar to the
grave Is tie question of how much
a married man and woman owe to
their parents, and to each other. and
which should come first in their con-
sideration, the old family they have
left. or the new one they are just
establishing
curiously enough, this Is mat
ter that PEOPLE never seem to dis
cuss before marriage, although
there is nothing that more vitality
affects their happiness and well be-
ing. Probably this Is because all
lovers labor under the hallucination
that they will be all-in-all to each
other. and so they never dream Of
the day coming when they will be
called upon to play second fiddle to
their respective in-laws.
Certain it is, however, that there
would Nbe fewer wedding bells IL
many a man had an inkling that
IN marrying the beauteous creature
he Is courting he was also espousing
her ne'er-do-well father, and shift
less mother. and a horde of needy
little brothers and sisters, and that
many a maiden would say NO" in
stead of "Yes" IL she could foraee
that the ardent swain who Is WOO
ing her would have no hesitation in
making her a virtual slave to his
people
Yet so il happens, often and often,
and the nobler the man and woman,
and the higher sense of duty they
have, the more likely Ii is to happen
to them. For those with an ingrow-
ing conscience can not slough of
responsibilities, and go away with a
light heart to enjoy their own hap
piness. They must needs remember
those they save left behind them
who have been dependent on them
for companionship. or financial sup
port. and the temptation always is
to bring this burden over into the
new home. and bind it upon
shoulders that should be free of 1t.
Women are the greatest sinners
in this respect, because family ties
are not only stronger with women
than men, but a family always
feels freer to impose on a daughter
and sister than IL does on a son and
brother. It's Mary and not John on
whom the relatives come down like
the wolf on the fold, and it's the
wife's folks, instead of the hus-
bands, who camp perpetually in the
guest room, and are always under
foot. It's the daughter whom tho
old father and mother go to live
with, not the son, and you will find
ten men supporting mothers--in-
law. where one supports his own
mother
1t is easy enough to see how all
of this happens. Mary is a loving.
dutiful daughter. and and affection
ate sister. When she married she
did not cease to be a daughter nor
a sister. nor was her heart hard
ened against her family. Being
away from home she perceives the
family needs even more plainly than
she did while at home, and she sends
back her husbands money to her
family.
Mother needs a change. and
mother comes for an interminable
visit. Sally wants to spend a winter
in town. so Sally comes and upsets
the flat, and crowds the master OF
II into a small closet of a room.
Tommy wants to study something
OF get a job. and must have free
board and lodging, and so Tommy
Is foisted upon the unfortunate hus-
band.
Many a married man finds that
almost everything he earns goes to
the upkeep of his wife's family.
Many a man has his whole home
life ruined by the presence of some
members Of his wife's family in II.
and he can never make his wife
see that she is dealing unfairly with
him by shanghainE him into sup
porting those he is under no obliga-
tion to toll for. or by foisting upon
him strangers who are distasteful
TO him.
Not so many men are guilty OF
the offence OF putting their families
above their wives. but occasionally
one does II. and I have in mind a
case that has just come under my
observation.
A poor young man and woman got
married and by working together
and saving and scrimpinS managed
10 get little shop of their own in
which they were doing well. Along
comes the mans father and per-
suades the son to sell the shop and
give him the money to use in specu-
Iation. The wife protested with
tears. but her husband could refuse
bis father nothing.
I have known other cases in
which man kept his own family
absolutely strapped to lend money.
which he knew would never be re-
paid, to a brilliant and extravagsn Mt
brother. His own wife did her own
housework. and haggled with the
butcher over every penny, while
brothers wife Haunted around in
society and scorned her humble sis
.er-in-law.
To my mind the woman who takes
her husbands money to lavish on
aer family. and the man who denies
ais wife the actual comforts of life
% indulge the wastefulness Of his
people. are both dishonest They
IRE not playing the game. They are
rot acting fairly by each other.
The man who slaves at his busi-
aess has certainly a right to the
comforts and luxuries his labor
sarns. 1t Is not just to him for
lis wife to deprive him Of these in
order to give to her family. The
woman who Is real helpmeet to
Ter husband. who saves and patches
Ind darns. and cooks. and pinches
very nickel. Is entitled to have the
-ewsrds OF her thrift to do with as
he pleases and her husband has no
moral right to give them to another.
And neither a husband or wife has
right to inflict a disagreeable in
aW upon the other, and thus poison
Ill the low of everydav living