The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1921-08-17
Dorothy Dix Talks
Fl E yBx DOROTHY DIX
Worries Highest Paid Woman Writer.
BOW no WIN a Mother.in-Law-1.

How To Win a Mother-in-Law-1
A young woman asks for a recipe
for winning the heart of a mother
in-law.
my own mother died when I was
a babe" she says, land 1 have al
ways hoped and prayed that L would
find a second mother in my mother
in-law.. but, alas, the mother of the
man am about to marry is one of
those monopolistic women who want
to keep their sons for themselves, and
who begin hating their daughter in
law when their boys are still in the
cradle. How can 1 make this kind
of a mother-in-law love me?"
1t is a hard task because there is
no other jealousy in the world so
fierce and bitter as mother jealousy.
When a woman permits her affection
for her children to become morbid
she sees their relationship to every
one else thru jaundiced eyes. and it
takes the wisdom of the serpent. the
gentleness of the dove, and the pa
tience of Job to deal with ner.
To such a woman it is the agony
of death to know that she is no
longer the dominant figure in her
sons life; that he has set another
woman above her, that he turns to
another woman for the little things
she had done for him. for the tender
ness and companionship that she can
not give him. Therefore, she is
bound to look upon his wife as her
hated rival who has snatched from
her the one thing she valued most in
life.
1t is useless to tell such a woman
that the love that a man feels for his
wife and for his mother do not con-
fllet that they are entirely two diff
ferent passions. 1t is a waste of
breath to remind her that some other
woman gave up her son to her. 1t is
futile to point out to her that her
selfishneSs would doom her son to a
lonely and loveless life. All she can
realize is her bereavement. Her boy
has left her, and gone to another
woman.
Perhaps, to degree, all mothers
feel this when their sons marry. Ger
tainly all mothers have a sense of
losing their sons when they marry
that they do not have of losing their
daughters when they marry. AT every
wedding it is the bridegroom's mother
who is in tears while the brides
mother is wreathed in smiles. and this
is not always accounted for by the
sordid consideration that in getting a
girl off its hands family shunts a
heavy liability onto another's shoul-
ders. It is because every woman
knows that while no husband can
wean a daughter away from her
mother, any wife can separate a man
from his mother if She is mean
enough to do it.
The first thing. then, for girl who
wants to win her motker-in-law's
heart, is to make her understand from
the very beginning that she does not
mean to take her son from her, and
that she recognizes the prior claim of
this older love upon him. If she lives
| near her mother-in-law, she should
go often to see her with her husband,
but she should also see to If thai
mother and son have frequent oppor-
tunities of being together These
heart-to-heart talks have been the
sweetest thing on earth to the mother,
and she Will be filled with a passion
ate gratitude toward the daughter
in-law who does not try to put an end
to them, but actively encourages them.