Evening star., 1921-05-15
Lardner Writes of the
New York Game of Bridge

L thought we was all equals And
bridge was bridge no matter where
you rome.
Well friends. I hadn't no more than
set down to the table when I seen
that l and y. Y. bridge was alien
enemys and the game they play here
is as much like our old game oet ~
Chi as lters OF home made oSaA
In the lst. place when you So
r-~>sn to play ,ne New York game. you
are suppose to discard the genial
smile you generally were at other func-
tions amongst the demi-monde and
look kind Of sullen. like you wished
you was elsewheres. rolling a hoop.
and il don't make no differents il the
other players is Brother Moose, you
got to treat them like you had been
to Canada with them in a balloon.
II one OF them trys to indulge in
light chit-chats between deals, shut
him up with what ever remark seems
appropriate like:
How funny your Adams apple
founders around when you talk"
After the table manners and facial
expression is mastered the next
only catched on TO few OF them
to date.
When the dealer starts off with,
one without" il is supposed to be an
abbreviation OF one without reason,
and it means the dealer has got nine
the other. A plain bid Of one club or
one diamond means Strenth in the
other suits. but bid OF one club
accompanied by frothine at the mouth
indicates a high blood pressure. II
the dealer bids OF either OF these
suits it is hint TO take him out as
the room is too stuffy. 4 bid OF one
spade merely calls attention TO a mole
or other eye sore belonging TO one of
the oppts.
A bid OF one heart don't mean moth
ing serious unlest gSngrene sets
in. Two hearts vile useing banker
chief indicates strenth in the olfactory
organs. A double OF the two heart bid
means you got Is cards but that Amt
enough. A bid of two spades accom-
panied by planting the feet on the
table signifys that dealer is going
home after the next rubber.
They's little TO the play after the
1st. lead. The man that done the bid
ding generally always hops all his
cards down on the table and says
little slam" and il you question him
you get big slam.
Some times. however, when the bid
has been doubled. they don't throw
the cards down till 4 or leads has
been made and in cases like these the
partners Is suppose to say anything
they can to irritate each other. like for
inst. suppose they was a heart led and
spades was trumps and your partner
didn't have no hearts and slapped
spade down and took the trick You
are suppost to say:
Haven't you no hearts. partner
like you thought he was either blear-
eyed or moron.
II he leads back the wrong card you
say:
as that all the better you know how
to play partner"
A ND there's still another convention
that is libel to como up several
times during the coarse OF the even
ing and that is when your partner
gets the bid and gets set 3 or 4 tricks.
A dirty look amt enough to cover
this kind of incidence but should be
followed by some such remark like:
Your a fine cheese partner" or.
Who learnt you to play bridge?"
This is a important convention and
they was Chicago man here a few
wks. ago that didn't know about II
and when his partner got set (. why
he smiled and says:
TOO bad. partner, but il was my
fault for raiseing your bid" and his
partner dropped dead and the Chicago
man was arrested for murder which
Is punishable in this state by IS fine.
RING ". LARDNER,
Great Neck. May -.