davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
MOVING PlcruRE MoDEsTY

A moving picture suing company for immense for breach of contract. Upon being cross-questoned by the opposing attorney, to why he demanded such sum, he replied.
 Because I the greatest actor in the world"
 Later, of his friends took him task for loudly singing his praises.
 T know" replied the actor. "it must have sounded somewhat conceited, but under oath what could do?"
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
HAD HIS susPIcloNs

Tarzan Jones was sitting down to his breakfast one morning when he astounded to see in the paper announcement of his own death He rang up friend Howard Smith and translation was made by commission at
 "Halloa, Smith" he said Have you the announcement of my death in the paper?"
 Yes replied Smith. Where you speaking from."-Argonaut
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Little Patricia Colnnge was born in Ireland of poor parents The burden of support fell on her shoulders She sought stage career. For seven years she worked without success and then came 10 America. That Il years ago.
 Patricia's chance came in 'Everywoman-
 She has made S150000-
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

A Harvard professor says that dancing is an instinct like eating and fighting That puts jazz ing into the same class with gorging and murdering
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

We mustn't expect too much in the way of shell pink ears. told. after the hair mulching has been removed They will doubtless exhibit good deal. of jail pallor-
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
RE.ENFoRcEo vIRTuE

Teacher-"In what part of the Bible is 1t taught that should have only wife?"
 Little Boy-'I guess it's the part that that no man than master.'-Tar Baby.
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

A New Yorker has classified spooning in the parks legitimate outdoor sport. It might be in this country in March but isn't it unreasonable sport in New York?
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Chicago minister says that hen7 and damn arc permissible words when properly used And there is proper use for them in Chicago than elsewhere. imagines-
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
IN TERMS OF TAXATION

First Taxpayer-'1 hear you have addition to your family
 Seeond Taxpayer-"Yes. Both exemptions are doing welL"-New York Herald.
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Koreans in New York the other day celebrated tho second anniversary of the independence of Korea This teaches not only that there are Koreans New York but that Korea is independent
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Suggested title for a lecture by G. K Chesterton. reputed master of the paradox, featuring in America on "The Ignorance of the Educated: The Wetness of Prohibition.
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

The first tax move congress should make is to insure that there will be incomes to tax--lndian-
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
WHY, THE EYE-DEAI

me straight in the eye while he is talking to me-
 Chlorine-.Then 'em longer, dearie."-- Stanford ChaparraL
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

With the government the business of the coun- try, and the democratic party all to be reorganized it looks if this year would be given to re- construction
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27
Lansing'S s Story

BOSTON, March 26-Robert Lansng's long-a awaited book The Peace Negotiations given to the public yesterday by his publishers the Houghon Mllne Co., of
 Boston and New York
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Rose Whitney smith tried to exist her hus bands S40- week salary.
 She helped the farm, milked cows, and taught school.
 Then she conceived the idea of making beautiful and useful articles with butterflies encased under glass and now clears about $500 week net profit
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

SX-'The employment of prlvate interviews and confidential agreements
 sEVEN-"Lastly the admission of the Japanese claims in tha Province If ShantJlno"
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

That noise you hear is not from the boiler fac tory: the tariff tinkers busy again
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Not since James C. Blaine's time has the state department witnessed a more imposing beard than the one Premier Hughes has brought in
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

The Louisiana lottery never gambled more than s6O 900 900 in a year. while tFe Chicago Board of Trade sees S15o000OO0 wagered in that time.
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Boston now has a woman constable.
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Springs tears bring summers smiles also your food next winter
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

It is all right to hitch your wagon to a star, but he little boy gets farther by hitchins the groces
Arizona republican., 1921-03-27

Daylight saving would be easy if one could tack on at the end what doesn't want in the early
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
HUMAN !
William A. Du Puy

! once asked Alexander Graham Bell Ue lhNen
tor Of the telephone, Tor an ihterV,eW. ne
he would be delighted to see me- Wouiu co"e
Thursday night at j O'CLOCK. -.
After making discreet inquiries iouhu tha'
this was, quite the custom OF this push peaiueu'
venerable Scotch American. In tact IL was d
compliment to be asked TO can Ia,e a. msu..
This was the time when ne was at ms nest' ne
worked all night and slept by DAY. hi'er ihio
night he attended to matters IN wh'ch nc was
particularly interested.
On this night DR.. Bell gave me an ihsisht nv nv
the manner OF things win Whicn 'He nv 80
mind entertains itself 1t was early IN me sum
mer, but the rest Of his family had7Aireau I sone
to their country place in Nova scoua' inc w
cradle scientist was occupying tno houe aIi
1t had happened that an unusually not spen
had settled down over the CITY Ihere seemeu
no escape from 1t The nina Oh tne iHveHlo..
1 found, had been seeking way out i" i"'''
Dr. Bell had found relet -, -,
He told me that architects the worlo aIouhu
had given little thought to the propiem Oh Keep
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Washington Car Stops Hard to
Find at Night
By BILL PRICE.

There is merit in the complaints of many Washing
and strangers that carsop signs streets
difficult to find at night in portions of the city not too weir
lighted Their location is, of course known to residents
living near Them but citizens of part of Washington
going other parts in the evening often become confused
just where to find stops If the weather is bad
the inconvenience is considerable The suggestion is made
that the measy little signs should be illuminated
arged in where street lights and far
apart Street railway and Public Utilities officials might
take this suggestion into consideration, inaspuch the
time is here when street patrons should begin to have
some Thought given to their convenience,
The Inauguration period will bring to Washington
thousands of strangers who will have fine time locating
car stops in pdrts of the city in the evenings par
tcuarly on suburban lines where the min
apart and there few people the streets to give
information.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Sea Wall.

The extension of the great sea wall at Cal
weston, which recently saved the city from
another of it's great storm disasters, will be COM
pleted the coming summer according to the
gineers in charge of the work. More than 1900
feet already have been constructed and 400 feet
more remain to be built. The cost of $500, 900
will be borne by the Government. After the ter
rible storm of 1000, in which hundreds of lives
were lost and damage to the extent of millions
OF dollars done, the original seawall
built at a cost OF s2,000.0oO The new extension
Is expected to strengthen greatly the seaport,
which is an island with only sand foundation.
After the great storm in one of the greatest en-
gineerink feats record, the entire city
raised twenty feet above its previous level
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Mountains in United States.
egistered U. 8. Pa

Many persons believe that Mt Washington, in
New Hampshire. is the highest mountain in the
eastern part Of the United States Mt. Wash
ington stands 6.293 feet above sea level. accord
ing to the United states geological survey, de-
partrnent OF the interior, but many peaks In the
southern Appaachians are several hundred feet
higher than New Hampshire's famous mountain
The highest mountain In the Appalachian system
the highest point in the United States ehst of
the Rockies-is Mt Mitchell. in North Carolina
which stands at an elevation OF G,7t1 feet The
highest mountain In TENNESSEE, Mt. Guy6t stands
6,03G feet above the sea level
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Legal Murder
in WASHINGTON

greatest nation IN the world,
= sentence has been passed upon
an eighteen-year-old boy, condemn
ing him to die by hanging,
Proponents of capital punishment
declare that this boy must be sacri-
feed that his example may serve as
deterrent to others. Does the
illegal" murder of a person who has
committed a crime deter Others
from commission of that crimeg
Read what the Anti Capital Punish
ment Society says:
sit is an axiom with penologists
that there will always be a certain
number of murders in every year,
and those who commit these murders
can never be prevented from the
commission of their insane crime
for every homicide seems to argue
a certain insanity in the perpetrator.
eff capital punishment were really
deterrent, how happens it that in the
times when capital punishment was
applied for more than 200 crimes,
the gallows were not only at their
busiest, but the number of crimes
reached their highest recordf/ Proof
that capital punishment is not de-
torrent may be secured by a refer
ence to the experience of the states
and countries which have abolished
it.
cit has been abolished in Italy,
Portugal, Switzerland Tin fifteen of
it's twenty-five cantons), Holland,
Rumania, Russia Except for trea-
SOM, in Belgium, and in ten states
of the German empire.
cit has been abolished in Vene-
zuela, Ecuador, Costa RIGA and Bra
I'll. 1t is now abolished in ten States
of our Union. 1t is the consensus
of statements that the abolition of
capital punishment has not only de-
creased the proportionate number
Of homicides but in most instances,
after the lapse of definite number
of years, it has been discovered that
the abolition of capital punishment
has led to a considerable decrease in
the actual number of homicides.
"Thus, Belgium abolished the
death penalty in 1868. The decade
before the abolition it had 921 muir,
ders, in the decade after the aboli-
ton it had 703 murders, an actual
DECREASE of "a per cent, in spite
Of the fact that the population fol-
lowed the normal progressive. in
crease.
"Italy, the home of the vendetta,
abolished the death penalty in 1889;
in 1910 representatives from Italy in
the great International Prison Con-
gress held in Chicago according to
the authorized publication of the
proceedings) declared in behalf of
the. Italian people, that the results
of the abolition of the death penalty
were excellent.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Votes for
Washington

Congressman Cordell Hull, of
Tennessee, member of the Ways and
Means Committee of the House,
favors the local suffrage plan of the
National Committee for ID. G.. Suf-
frage as set forth in the Zihlman
bill.
81 desire to further inform myself
on the suffrage matter,' Judge Hull
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
SOME GOOD ONES.

Whom do the mermaids mash?
The swells of the ocean.
When is a soldier charitable?
When he presents arms.
Why is a monument like
proud man? Because it's lofty.
Why is "A lady embraced Ike a
pocket book? Because she Is
clasped.
Why is peevish man | Ike a
watch? He is so often wound up.
Why is the letter F. like a fish,
hook? Because it will make eel
feel.
Why is proud girl like
music book? She is full of airs.
H. ID. BILLINGS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

said, and as / am
much interested l
shall carefully read
the statements that
will be made by
the residents of
Washington at all
Con gre s j al
hearings that may
be held.
81 feel sure that
when the District
of Columbia was
Al
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

men who had hand in that pro,
ceeding did not have in their vision
the present magnificent city Of
Washington with its vast business
interests, but rather an official area
to be peopled by those engaged in
governmental activities"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
SAFETY FIRST HINTS.

ONE TOOT-Throw quick hand
spring for the sidewalk.
TWO TOOTS-Dive over the car.
THREE TOOTS--Lie down calmly:
II is too late to escape; but we VIII go
over you as easily as possible, IL you
keep very still:
ONE long AND TWO SHORT
TOOTS-Throw yourself forward and
we will save both your arms.
ONE SHORT AND TWO LONG
TOOTS-Throw yourself backward and
one leg will be saved.
FOUR TOOTS-It's all up with
you. but we promise to notify your
family. J. A. Nj.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

Those mothers, teachers and others
who are hopping on High School girls
about their manner of dress should
first hop on those mothers who run
around town with. skirts nearly up
to their knees. Daughters usually
take after mothers.
EDMUND O'SULLIVAN
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

A woman is like an angel, be-
cause she's always up in the air:
always harping' on something.
and never has an earthly thing
to wear" MARTY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

Regarding the inquiry of Brown
Eyes" as to the popularity of bow
legged girls, / wish to say that no
matter how healthy a bow-legged
girl may be she's always in bad
shape. NEBRASKA.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

The car l was riding on in New
York was packed with ladies. ] was
the only man In IL. Looking up l
saw this sign Everybody in this
car wears Seigel & Cooper's pants"
IVA PAIN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
A FANS CONGRATULATIONS.

want to congratulate you, not only
on keeping III and = In fine shape, but
on being surrounded by n host OF loyal
at non appearance OF their donations.
IL really In commendsble. hope they
will always be of good cheer,
What do the fans think of the edi-
tors protean personal photo plays.
publicly portrayed, presenting presup-
posed physlognomy7
HENRY SMITH
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

Try this in the G. o. c.: Elk
tract of n letter from overseas
soldier to his mother: Am
writing this in the Y. M. c. A.,
with the piano playing in my
uniform" p. ID. q.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

Fear kills more than the knife. An autopsy
revealed that David Carey. of London, England,
who died OF anxiety because a doctor told him
he had heart disease. had d healthier heart than
most men and might have lived for fifty years.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Some Reason.

He latter the quarrel)-Then what did you
marry me for?
Stakeholder figured It up at the time and
said IL was for about a million and q half think.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

One thing that the gloom
merchants are right about.
That's the way women
aren't dressing this year.
Every dainty Amazon seems
determined to be known as
the most beautifully uncos-
TUNED gal in town. They
don't wear enough clothes
to clog a keyhole.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
So It Seems.

Women jump at conclusions and frequently hit
men reason things out logically and usually miss
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
HENRY SMITH.

The latest news to cheer all the
sons OF Adam is that a New Eng
land benefactor has invented ladies'
shoes with watches set in the tops
OF the shoes. Already the Ewes are
asked frequently: "Will you awe
mo the correct time, please2"
JOE CONkLlN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
HER ONLY FAULT.

oh, Mamma. she was nifty,
beauty through and through;
Her eyes, her teeth so pearly.
Her lips. her figure, too.
She used to dress diviney,
And her name was Dottie Peck.
But the only thing against her was.
SHE SELDOM WASHED HER NECK.
LESTER b. .
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
g. l6EARD. nSSEEna

> Dear Btu:
Come on and shop as pour real
map. Rough aud READY.
I've got some scrappin' cat in my
house. Comes in one time with an
ear nearly chewed of or an eye al
most scratched of. He's minus a
tail. Guess he's going to cat heaven
In pieces.
. PEANUTS.
KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES'.
Yes, my little buddy is dying"
TOO bad, what's the trouble?'
They call 1t fashion disease
She's dying to be 'henna blond"
JULES BACK.
Wages in the big industries have
been slashed over 20 per cent, but
the cost of living hasn't gone down
that much. PHILIP EBERT.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
EPITAPHS.

Quite still now is Fanny Smeed,
For when she lived she had some speed!
There's nothing hero of Peter Clark
He went In swimmin' and met a shark!
Here lies Bill Jones in perfect slumber,
He got too gay with a green cucumber!
II. N. III.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
NeW Century,;
Same Problem


England owe this country, pub
hcly and privately, nearly ten thou
sand million dollars. 1t might be
cheaper to FIGHT the United States
than to PAY the United States"
After they have said that to them
selves they say, However, while
England probably might LIKE to
do something in this direction, il is
not likely that she would undertake
anything with the worry OF IRE
LAND on her hands,"
Some Irishmen, some not Irish, 10
not realize how big a part Ireland
has played in limiting and hamper
ing England.
1t will interest them to read an
extract from letter that Genera!
George Washington wrote to Jacob
Read on August IL, 1874. Read
served as major in the South Caro-
lima Volunteers in the Revolutionary
War.
"It is undoubted that the Brit
ish cabinet wish to recover the
United States to dependency on
that government.
"The affairs of Ireland are in
too turbulent a state to suffer
Great Britain to enter very soon
into another war with America,
even if her finances were on a
more respectable footing than l
believe them to be, and her pros
pect of success must diminish as
our population increases and the
Government becomes more consis-
tent-without the last of which
indeed everything may be appre-
hended."
This letter was written eight years
after the Declaration of Independ-
ence, and, as you will notice, Wash
~ington believed that the British cab
met was still planning to get back
these colonies, but could not because
"affairs of Ireland were too turbu-
lent"
This shows how persistently the
Irish have kept up the effort to OBJ
tain independence, not only for 1876
years, as Washington g letter shows,
but for SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS.
Soon we shall be celebrating
George Washington's birthday. How
many realize what Washington was
to this country? Do we feel as in
tensely about him, for instance, as
they did in the days of Daniel Web
ster7 Webster, who was born in this
week, 139 years ago, made a famous
speech on Washington's birthday.
Here is a part of it, worth reading,
and every word still true-although
as time passes we forget what we
owe to our FEW REALLY GREAT
MEN.
Webster, this nations greatest
orator, said:
Inspiring auspices, this day,
surround us and cheer us. 1t is
the anniversary of the birth of
Washington. We should know
this, even if we had lost our calen-
dars, for we should be reminded
of it by the shouts of JOY and glad
ness. The whole atmosphere is
redolent of his name; hills and
forests, rocks and rivers, echo and
re-echo his praises. All the good,
whether learned or unlearned,
high or low, rich or poor, feel,
this day, that there is one treas
ure common to them all, and that
is the fame and character of Wash
ington. They recount his deeds,
ponder over his principles and
teachings, and resolve to be more
and more guided by them in the
future.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
Practical Estimate.

"l)id you say BligEins IL good loser?' Yes"
"Why even when his luck Is worst he never loses
moro than two or throe doilars." That's what
1 call a good loser"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

A friend IL a link In n golden chain.
N the friend be true. It's your gain.
II the friend be false It's your loss.
Just another neil In LIES great cross.
~. " ".
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
A PERPLExED LOVER.

Darling, i have sung your charms
The ripple In your lovely hair
Even the muscles in your arms;
Your tilted nose that takes the air,
Your low voice, your ripping laughter.
| even revel In your tears.
i search your features fore and aft,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN YOUR EA
A. II.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
PREMATURE PRECOCJTY.

Bobby looked at his new baby
brother and said: Mother. can
he TALK When told no. Bob
by said: well. my Sunday
school teacher told me today
that JOB CURSED the day he
was BORN" ii. SMITH.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
HIS EARLY TASTES.

HIS EARLY TASTES.
Mother-What kind OF a show did
pop take you to?
Bobby-Oh. It was dandy. They had
ladies dressed in stockings up to their
necks. BO-PEEP.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
CONTENTS OF THE BIBLE.

1t may be interesting to readers to
know that the Bible contains 3,566,-
$50 letters: S10,697 words; 31,lIo
verses; 1,1S9 chapters, and GO books.
The longest chapter is the 10Th
Psalm. the shortest and middle chap
ter is the 117th Psalm. The middle
verse is the Sth of the 11Sth Psalm.
The longest name is in the Sth chap
ter OF Isaiah The word and oc-
ours 46.627 times. The word LORD"
occurs 1855 times. The 31th chapter
of Isaiah and the 10th chapter pf
I'd book Of Kings are alike. The
longest verse is 9th of the 9Th chap
ter of Esther; the shortest verse is
the 35th OF the 18th chapter of John.
In the first verse Of the 18th chapter
of Ezra is the alphabet. The finest
piece of reading is the 26th chapter of
Acts. FATTY.
As Jiggs would say-A rolling
PIN gathers no moss. when It's
making sixty "knots" an hour.
There's lots of QUARTZ in the
country yet, but what Is ROCK
without the RYE?
IIARPER'S FERRY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
PEANUTS.
KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES'

Strawberries were selling on
+ street the other day at 81
per box. Yet there were peaches
all over the street that would
not cost anything.
BABY VAMP.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

The next war is going to
he tough on the Stacker
who hides behind a wom-
ans skirts. He will look
like an elephant trying to
play hide and seek behind
a picket fence.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

May be the result of the
war. Our ladies gave UP
their socks to the soldiers.
donated their linen. for
bandages and said we will
win this war II we have
to go naked.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

The guy who cuts out
the patterns for ladies'
frocks must be using cigar
cite papers. The old-time
drummes for ladies' dresses
used to cary fourteen fat
trunks with sprained hinges
and bust the lock trying to
close 'em. lie had to hire
two rooms In a big hotel
and pay a boy IS a day
to wheel the stun around
town. Now his sample room
w a telephone booth. He
shoots back his cuffs,
shows the back of his hand
10 the rscsller and asks
him what he thinks of his
samples. The other guy
tells him his skin is n
little rough.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24

Formal means that you've
got to wear something.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-24
We won the war.

All invitations to Fifth
avenue social affairs are
marked either formal or
Informal.