Phoenix tribune., 1921-03-12

as soon as l begin to read, and my
wife comes and tells me my snoring is
disturbing the neighbors."
IT'S that way with everything. we
look forward to-" observed the hotel
keeper, sadly. MAN always will be,
but is never blest, as some half-baked
poet remarked. Young Gooseworthy
was in here last evening, bubbling over
with happiness. There wasn't any
body around, so he took me into his
confidence. He's going to marry
Gwendolin Jimalong, next month, and
he's perfectly satisfied that his mar
ried life will be one long stretch of
sunshine. He seems to have the idea
that he's going to do something orig
inal when he gets married, but the
idea isn't new. Men have been getting
married ever since Christopher dis
covered Columbus, Ohio, and every
doggone man Jack of them had the
idea that everlasting bliss was going
to be inaugurated on the wedding day.
81 listened to Gooseworthy for three
lours, and hadn't the heart to say
anything that would dampen his en-
thusiasn. His twittering recalled the
long vanished days when l was get
ting ready to be married. I felt about
it then just as he does now. l thought
the parson opened the gates of para
disc when he joined two loving hearts.
My wife lived up to all the plans and
specifications, and was and is one Of
the best women in the United States,
put l hadn't been married three
months before l Had a sneaking con-
giction that the man who gets married
Is a chump.
"a good many optimists say that
married man doesn't need any more
money than a single one, if he marries
the right sort of woman, but they
night as well go to the blackboard
and demonstrate that two and two
make two. instead of four. 1 fell for
that cheerful theory when was mar
ried. was earning enough to keep
myself comfortably, and never had
any financial worries. / could have
been buried for less money than it
took to be married, and the expenses
from that time forward were double
what they used to be, although my
wife was so economical she used to
make waists and such things for her.
self out Of my superannuated shirts.
"Oh, doggone 1t, there isn't any un-
adulterated happiness in matrimony. !
uvopdar &hof xO,,pO foIlorzyc lilo Gooco.
worthy don't look around them. and
contemplate the detected appearance
of the majority Of husbands. But even
if they did, it wouldn't do them any
good, suppose, for they are full of
pipe dreams, and they think the girls
they are going to marry are different
from all other girls, and that they will
prove exceptions to the general rule.
81 had a wise old uncle in those hal
cyon days, and about week before
the wedding day, he backed me into
corner and handed me q dust-proof
package of wisdom. He tried to lead
me into taking a sensible view of the
future. He talked about the cares and
responsibilities that would be mine
after the wedding, and wanted to
know if felt equal to them. He tried
to show me that wasn't going to
marry an angel, but a human being
like myself, with a human beings
faults and frailties.
Il let him get that far, and then !
told him that his gray hairs alone
saved him from having his head re-
modelled, and said never wanted him
to darken my door, and he never did.
1 had to darken 1t myself, with wal
nut stain. But many a time after
ward, I recalled his wise words and
wept over his grave"