davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
RIPPING RHYMES
BY Walt Mason =
THE BURIED PAST

I've made all kinds of dizzy
breaks, my past was badly checker
ed: but L don't brood o'er old mis-
takes, or fret about my record. Not
by remors a fellow mounts to
heights serene, enchanted; what he
is now is all that counts-the past
is dead and planted. / do not haunt
the mourner's bench, regretting and
d%eploring, but take a saw or monkey
wrench and do some useful chorinS.
All virtuous l 60 my way, a moral
list, a winner; and sometimes evil
gossips say. "Of old he was a sinner;
he held high wassail in the dens
where B~arleycorn was reigninS; he
carried off a Widows hens. and
laughed at her complaining" And
l am asked about such tales, Were.
once, your acts so rotten?" And l
say, Eyes; but what avails the ghost
of days forgotten? You see me
walk the narrow way, and not in by
ways may; and when at night / hit
the hay my conscience is a daisy. l
do my work, L pay my debts, l have
a hundred uses; 1 am among the
safest bets this age of ours produces.
Today's the only day on earth; its
sun will soon be setting; today 1
show my sterling worth, all other
days forgetting" How vain to
mourn the bygone years, with soul
by anguish smitten: as Omar says,
not all your tears can wash out what
is written.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

gas in the United States waste at
least 1900, 900, 900 cubic feet of gas
a year through the use of faulty
and improperly constructed appli-
ences. 1t would cost a million dol
lars a day to replace this wasted
gas with artificial gas. h Bu-
reau states that a large part of this
waste could be prevented by slight
changes in the construction and ad-
justment of burners and stoves.
q. How should l go about
changing my name?-R. l.. Y.
A. We suggest that you petition
the court in your locality. through
an attorney. for legal recognition
Of the name you desire to adopt. Ii
you do not care to go into court you
may any name you please,
and ordinary business transactions
in the name will be legal. In doing
this there is a possibility that trou-
BILE might arise in such a matter as
Inheritance, for instance. 1t is
therefore better to have your change
of name a matter of legal record.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

There is a certain city, and ita
name is Smithville. .
And the men of hat town got
busy, and they said, We Will put
this town on the map. .
And they raised fifteen hundred
shekels. And they set up a great
sign where the railroad tracks cross,
that he who ran might read.
And the sign said:
= = . =
4 WATCH SMITHVILLE GROW =
= Greatest Railway Center on v
II Earth .
y For information about factory :
y sites and home sites write to y
" the secretary of the Smithville '
II Board of Trade. '
And they sat down to watch
Smithville grow.
And they greatly admired their
sign, and they bowed down before il
and ~worshiped it.
And the Electrick Light Company
fitted it up with lights, and furnish
ed the juice free, for they thought
that sleeping car passengers would
wake up in the night in order that
they might watch Smithville grow.
And they hired a damsel whose
name was Marguerite, but whom
everybody knew as Maggie Perkins,
who was the daughter of the drug
| gist, that she should answer letters
of inquiry. for she could punish a
typewriter.
And they fitted up an Office on the
second floor of the Smithville First
National Bank. And they had let
tn-a 80 ~~1L ,.No,a fLA xt,IO,r- "a ~
ing. Smithville Board of Trade.
And they expected Maggie to have
writer's cramp answering the letters
Of inquiry.
And Maggie had nothing to do but
to chew her gum and powder her
nose and make dates over the tele-
phone for the movies. For none of
the thousands of passengers who
rode through Smithville on the two
railroads cared an boot whether
Smithville grew or not.
Now about this time I visited
Smithville, and they desired me to
deliver an address. And I said unto
them:
1t doth pay to advertise provided
thou hast the goods. But I do not
watch Smithville grow.
This is the evil and adulterous
generation that doth seek for a sign,
and the only sign that shall be given
1t is the sign of the prophet, Jonah,
preaching and saying:
If indeed we desire that Smithville
shall grow, then do something to
make people want to come hither.
Improve your schools. Pave your
Streets. Paint up your houses and
clean up your vacant lots. Destroy
the weeds that grow everywhere,
and plant flowers or green grass.
Wherefore do ye spend none for
that which Is not Bread and your
labor for an electrick sign that Is
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
THE sEWAREN ROAD PAVEMENT

Much satisfaction is to be found in the an
nouncement Of the Board of Freeholders that
West avenue, Sewaren, is to be paved all the
way through to Port Reading this summer. 1t
"a TO be regretted, however, that the freehold
ers have seen fit to ignore the request OF the
property owners along the thoroughfare who
desired that a concrete surface be laid.
49, is It GENERALLY believed that a con-
s7sig Gace, properly laid, wears a great deal
-L.shan any of the bituminous variety, but
nuch cheaper. according to the best in
%ation obtainable. Why the taxpayers
/zuld be put to unnecessary expense and then
h III something that they do not want, is not
explained.
II Is significant that at the same meeting
&bat 4he plans for more bituminous pavements
were adopted by the freeholders, action was
Il taken In regard to serious damage done to a
\ bitunhnous pavement by a tractor passing over
4 Il ncking up chunks of the road surface whlch
4hd. been softened by the heat of the sun. 1t
E{N also we'll known that this same softening OF
the bituminous material causes ruts to form
and there is a crinkling up of the road sur
face not only damaging the road, but making
It disagreeable to ride over. Such conditions
could not exist on a road with a concrete sur
face.
The freeholders are to be heartily
ed for their action in going ahead with the Sc
warren road improvement all the way through
to Port Reading this summer, but the unani-
nous praise that they would otherwise receive
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

THAT

There are estimated to be 3424
languages or dialects in the
world.
OF these, America is said to
have 1924. -
The others are distributed:
Europe, 5S7: Asia, 9S7: Africa,
276.
More people speak the Eng
lish language than any other.
Next come, In the order
named, German, Russian,
French and Spanish.
The English language Is
spoken by more TAIN 100000
900 people.
1t is estimated to contain ap-
proximately 100000 words.
OF these, nearly half are
scientific or obsolete terms.
Shakespeare used about 49,
900 different words i n Is
writings.
Milton used about $500.
Persons Of superior culture
are familiar with nor than
5000 words.
Ordinary persons know 1000
TO 5000.
Illiterate persons use about
500.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
PARALLELS OF
SAFED THE SAGE

nothing to write home about. re
do worship an electrick sign, behold
it is left unto you d%esolate.
Ye have proclaimed with great
boasting the giories of your town,
and have never done a blooming
thing to make any one want to live
in your town.
And a few weeks thereafter they
sent me a marked copy of their To-
cal paper. And they were having q
clean up and paint UP week. And
they were discussing the paving OF
the streets. And they were redec-
Grating the House of God, and add
ing an hundred shekels to the sti-
pend of the minister, and their
school committee was considering
how to improve the school.
And / thought of Maggie; for It
this thing keepeth on, Maggie may
| have to get busy.
For sVithville is really beginning
WILLIAM E. BARTON.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

@. Can you tell me how many
of our soldier dead have been
brought back to this country and
about what is the cost Of bringing
each bcdy?-O. r. A.
A. The War Department says that
21,31S deceased soldiers of the
World War have been brought back
to this country. including the 5.212
bodies brought On the U.sS Whea-
ton May 10, 1921. The cost Of bring
ing each one is about $500.
Q. How many cubic inches are
there in a gallon of water?-C. b. A.
A. The standard gallon in the
United States is equivalent to 2S1
cubic inches of distilled water at
its maximum density and with the
barometer at 80 inches.
Q. What is the largest known me-
teorite IT. r. c.
A. The largest meteorite that has
been discovered and measured, of
which we can find record. has been
in the Natural History Museum in
New York city since 1904. 1t was
discovered by Lieutenant Peary in
1894 near Melville Bay, North
Greenfield. 1t weighs S7h tons.
@. To settle an argument will
you please state what Is the cor
rect pronunciation of the Arkansas?
Is the final IS" sounded or silent?
j. c.. B.
A.The pronunciation of the name
Arkansas was studied by the State
Historical Society and by the Eclec-
tic Society of Arkansas. By a
Joint resolution of the general as
sembly of the state. approved Marcn
Is, 1881, it was decided that the
correct pronunciation of the word
is that given 1t by the French with
the final So silent, and the accent
on the first and last syllables.
@. What are the rules OF the
Postofice Department with regard
to the conducting of mail order
businesses?
A. The Postoffce Department
a v that any one may operate a
mail order business so long as he
does not misrepresent what he Of
fers to the public. False or exag
gerated advertising is forbidden,
and the postal authorities are m
powered to stop the mail OF any
one using such advertising. Unused
stamps may be sold to individuals,
express companies or stores. A per-
son may receive mail and have a
checking account under a fictitious
name. but he must not sign any le-
gal papers with it.
OILS the bite of the rattlesnake
often fatal?-W. C. w.
A. The Biological Survey says
that about 95 per cent of the per-
sons bitten by rattlesnakes recover
If medical attention is provided.
@. Is it true that a large amount
Of natural gas is wasted through
the use of poor equipment?-J. S.
r.
A. The Bureau OF Standards
states that the two and one-haif
| million domestic users of natural
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Luke McLuke Says

You may not believe it. But by the time a
man gets rich enough to afford a new SUIT
for every day in the year, he wears the same
suit for two years.
Why not a Twenty-tlrst Amendment com
pellins the Bridegroom to wear the ven! iie
usually looks a lot more embarrassed I'aa lis
Bride. -,
our idea Of an Optimist is a man who I'M
AGNES that by getting married he can make MS
running expenses slow down to a walk.
We suppose you know a lot OF Rerormers
who do not believe in Reform for revenue only,
don't you: Neither do we prother! Ne'ther
do we! u,
1t is easy to tell when a girl has her own
Figure by the contempt she shows Tor those
husbands should remember that when the
biscuits their wives make are heavy, II ISM I
healthy to make light of them.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
A DECIDED IMPROVEMENT

The city has made a good job OF Maple
street. The new surface covering the worn
out brick pavement gives the street the same
smooth, easy riding that has made New bruns-
wick avenue a JOY to travel over since IL re-
ceived the same treatment a few years ago.
The reputation that the city has for good pave
ment. has been greatly enhanced by the Maple
street improvement. Sooner or later Jenerson
street will have to be treated In the same way
Madison avenue. although much more heavily
Travelled, seems to have been paved with a oe'-
rer kind of brick and is standing up weil al
though, as is the case with all brick paVemeh's
it is very noisy. Once Smith street Is restoreo
to good condition there would be little cause ioi
complaint should there be a let-up IN street pay
ing for a little while so as to give some
other improvements, such as parks and play
grounds, a chance.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
TROUBLED FOR TEN YEARS

If you suffer pains and aches dur
ing the day and sleep-disturbing
bladder weakness by night. feel
tired. nervous and run down. the
kidneys and bladder need to be re-
stored to healthy and regular action.
J. L. Osburn. r. F. D. No. l. Lucus-
Vile, o., writes: Il had kidney
trouble for ten years. I tried many
remedies but they did me no good.
l took Foley Kidney Pills and they
helped nae so much that now l am
we'll" Don't delay. Sold every
where.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
BITS OF BYPLAY
By Luke McLuke
Copyright. 1920. by The Cincinnati Enquirer.
RcnOSP.

I know the poor man is a sight,
His nervousness he plainly shows;
Although he sleeps ten hours a night,
It's plain to me he lacks repose.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau, Frederic j. Haskin. Director,
Washington, d. c. This offer ap-
plies strictly to Information. The
bureau cannot give advice on legal,
medicinal and financial troubles. 1t
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor to undertake xhaus
tive research on any subject. Write
your question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address and en-
close two cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
BegOrra!

Two Irishmen were Dragging about their ex-
periences when hunting.
WELL" said Grogan, the first bird l ever
shot was a squirrel. "The first tinb l hit him
I missed him altogether, and the next time l
hit him.. I hit him in the same place. Then
L took a stone and knocked him off the tree
and he fell In the water and was drowned.
And that was the first time l ever shot a bird.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

NOTICE
All persons concerned may take notice
that the Subscriber Executor etc.. of Mar
garet Gleason, deceased, intends to exhibit
his final account to the Orphans Court OF
the County OF Middlesex. on Friday. the
first day of July, 1921, at 10 AN. in the
Term of April 1921. for settlement and
allowance the same being first audited and
stated by the Surrogate.
JOSEPH DEEGAN,
S~400-5-27-5t Dew Fri. Executor.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

"Miss Cute is going to study painting said
Miss Sweet.
THAT is a sensible idea replied Miss Gait
Her complexion needs it,"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
HO. Hum!
Hard Luc.

And some of these days the Hooch Hound
will pinch you if you wear a "Wry' smile:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

Old PAINTER Bill

oIu painter Dill
Sure gets my goat;
Though hot, he will
Put on q coat.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

He's worried and he's hafried,
His case should make you weep;
For this poor dub is married.
And he talks in his sleep.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Ouch!

why does that drug store blonde wear a
hair net?' asked the Thin Man.
Because her hair looks so fishy, l suppose"
replied the fat man..
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Habit.

A real honest man is ferries,
He is very orthodox;
But he puts the smallest berries
At the bottom of the box.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

Tin!

Some men have all the luck. Frinstanct
Booz Long is a politician in Petersburg, Fla.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Any Other Nominations?

I. Pray, who runs the Purity Milk Company
at Fond du Lac, Wis, has been nominated FOL
Chaplain of the Names Is Names Club.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

Some men own their homes. But A. Rente
lives in Muskegon, Mich.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
The Limit!

Smith Is a superstitious cuss isn't he?" said
Brown.
HE sure is" agreed Jones. why he would
consider it unlucky to find $13 on the street.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

The Thrifty Scot.
A Scotchman saw a tiny cucumber growing
on a vine in the garden of a nelghbor and OIL
fered a penny for it. The offer was accepted.
MOO" said the ~Scotchman, would. ye mind
leaving the wee cucumber on the vine for a
few weeks and let it get larger"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
How They Love One Another

" lISy hoho ~ ~
Miss Cute is going to study painting" said
Miss Sweet.
THAT is a sensible idea" replied Miss Gait.
Her complexion needs it,
Begorra!
Two Irishmen were Dragging about their ex-
periences when hunting.
We'll" said Grogan, the first bird I ever
shot was a squirrel. ~rhe first tin1 1 hit him
I missed him altogether, and the next time 1
hit him. I hit him in the same place. Then
l took q stone and knocked him off the tree
and he fell in the water and was drowned.
And that was the first time l ever shot a bird.
Huh!
Old painter Bill
Sure gets my goat;
Though hot, he will
Put on a coat.
Why does that drug store blonde wear a
hair metz" asked the Thin Man.
Because her hair looks so fshy, 1 suppose"
replied the fat man.
Oh JOY!
Some men have all the luck. Frinstance,
Booz Long is a politician in Petersburg Fla.
Turf!
He's worried and he's harried,
His case should make you weep;
For this poor dub is married.
And he talks in his sleep.
The Limit,
Smith is a superstitious cuss isn't he?" said
Brown.
III L 5 JOiiC5 WY III
consider it unlucky to find $13 on the street"
Any Other Nominations?
I. Pray, who runs the Purity Milk Company.
at Fond du Lac, Wis.,, has been nominated for
Chaplain Of the Names Is Names Club.
Habit.
A real honest man is ferries,
He is very orthodox; II
But he puts the smallest berries
At the bottom of the box.
r.. uu,.as.- Cool
A Scotchman saw a tiny cucumber growing
on a vine in the garden Of a neighbor and Of
fered a penny for it: The offer wUaaiss a Ws 1oind
leaving the wee cucumber on the vine for a
few weeks and let it get larger?
Yum, YUM!
Henrietta Eale lives in Frankfort, Kentucky.
What's the Fare to Havana?
If Luke McLuke should ever stroll
Down to Havana with a roll,
They'd fete him like a foreign duke
And change his name to Luque McLuque.
Il. A. Rife, Canton, Ohio.
Dear Luke: If a Warden in a state Prison
held off a dozen convicts and forced them back
into their cells when they were trying TO es-
cape. could you call him a Game Warden?-
Bundy.
Things To Worry About.
DR.. VILE, of the University of Michigan has
discovered that warts are contagious.
Foolish Questions.
If a friend should meet you
With a quart Of rye;
And, he said: Luke, have a nip!'
What would Luke reply?
Columbus.
Ho, Hum!
And some of these days the Hooch Hounds
will pinch you if you wear a "wry' smile.
Hard LMcki
Some men own their homes. But A. Renter
lives in Muskegon, Mich.
Our Daily Special.
Your Deeds Count a Whole Lot More IMAM
Your Creeds.
IuIxe McLuke Says
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

No normalcy till the hve-cent cigar comes
back,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

If Luke McLuke should ever stroll
Down to Havana with a roll,
Thev'd fete him like a foreign duke
And change his name to Luque McLuqu
II. A. Rife, Canton, Obi
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Our Daily Special

Your Deeds Count a Whole Lot More ina
Your Creeds.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11

Dear Luke: If a Warden in a State Prison
held off a dozen convicts and forced them PACK
INTO their cells when they were trying to es-
cape, could you call him a Game Warden?-
Bundy,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Yum, Yum!
What's the Fare to Havana?

Henrietta Eale lives in Frankfort, Kentucky
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Things To Worry Abe

DR., Vile, of the University of Michigan, ha
discovered that warts are contagious.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-06-11
Foolish Questions.

If a friend sb ou meet you
With a quart of rye;
And, he said: Luke. have a nip!
Columbus
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-10-16

the Friday Evening Yridge club this week
at the Luther-Grcen apartments.
Mr.. and Mrs. william Runuels, atter
attending the National Grain Mems con
yention In Chicago, have gone to Alliance,
-The Phi lambda Epsilon fraternity men
entertained guests at a dancing party on
Friday evening. About forty couples
The county officials and employee Of
the county courthouse offices. with the
addition ot a few friends. enjoyed a pic
nic supper at Emersun's grove.
Mrs. a. Il. showalter, Mrs. Max Rob.
berts and her sister, Miss Hoffman, and
Miss Betty Banker OF Kingfsher drove
70 Enid Saturday 20 visit friends,
The engagement Of Miss Agnes Conway
% Nj. Bert Mahoney was announced
sunday morning at ST. Francis Nsviers
chapter A T.. p. o., met with Mrs.
w. X. Barriok Friday when the usual
luncheon was served cafeteria style, Tho
Old Testament viii be the study for this
year.
Mrs, J. c. Brown entertained with a
line party for her sister, Miss Ruth Moore
the picture they returned to her home,
where she served tea,
Mrs. J. Il. DunwUrth had Mrs. Inv
Chapman Of Lansing, Mich, and Mrs
uri Worcester as additional guests when
she entertained the Friday Auction club
Mrs, G. f Pinkerton entertained Mrs.
Charles Moore, Mrs. G. + Marsh. Mrs,
c y. Hscker Mrs. Dan Butler. Mrs. Rurt
F'Nf @i' 80 - - bHFl VI W huH
komis at an all-day party Thursday,
MI. and Mrs. william Gummerson en-
t~ertalned a few friends at bridge Thurs
day evening and formed a new card club,
which will be known an the Friday Night
Auction club. Mrs. A, Is, Hamilton will
be hostess this week.
The Daughters OF tho American Revo-
luton held their first meeting this week
at the home OF Mrs. j. v. Admire who
was assisted by her daughter In enter
tainiug, Mrs, +, e. Simnns read an in
sp'ring paper on Patriotic Education
Problems OF Today"
Mrs, Frank HerndOn was hostesa to the
Tri quad Bridge club this week. Tho
party next week will be at tho home OF
Mrs. George Field Mrs. Guy Dick held
high score when the games were called.
Mr.. and Mrs. Edmund Frantz enter
tanned the Lambs club Tuesday evening
the first meeting Of the year.
The Girl Scouts az Troop 4, about thirty
IN all, accompanied ny their captain.
Miss EDNA Anderson, liked 70 the w. IL.
Johnston farm saturday to work out
their second class tests. Tho troop com
mittee for Troop ! was appointed this
week and Is composed Of hesdames M
]. Frnntz. Carl Kruse ana W. Il. Johnston.
The first meeting OF the z. ". o..
Chapter q, was held Friday afteTnoon
with Mrs. O. f.. Hurtord. Mrs. o. j.
The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1921-10-16
BIXBY.


Mr and Mrs. J.. Il. pemareo spent
Wednesday with Tulsa friends.
The Members OF the HiNby Gun club
are planning Il big turkey shoot for
The p, &'R. league baseball team was
defeated At sine baseball park sunday.
This was the last game Of the season.
laurels 70 BiIby again Friday when they
Or. A.. /. Royal has returned to
peweya after a short visit with Mr.. and
A-=. nc.hcr=hcaa.
Lon Langston has returned from tho
Odd Fellows grand lodge at Oklahoma
The wedding Is announced Of DADDY
Herring and Mrs. Mamie Ryan OF Leo.
nard,' which occurred recently at Fort
Worth, Texas.
4 fine meeting OF the W. c, 7. u. was
held at the home Of Mrs. Tally Simpsoh
Thursday, when the reports from tho
convention at Broken Arrow were given,
The community meeting and s%ongfest
he'd last sunday at the home Of Mr.. and
Mrs. ]. C. HodEsOn was attended by. SO
nished music for the event. A fine din
nor was SERVED, Guests Of honor were
Mines. Bazs and HOdgson, Missea RebA
Hunsaker and Nellie Jones, Teddy and
Wallace Miller. Woodson, Bin Jones and
Harry STILES
Tile Birby Dramatic club IL now a,
work on Il new play which viii be given
In tho near futures, RehsarRals ar5 now
being held regularly. This IS the thirn
under tho direction ~ Nella y. H0dgson.
Rev. q. VI Jeffries left Wednesday Tor
Oklahoma city 10 attend the Methodist
conference.