The New York herald., 1921-05-08

satisfactory answer. Every New Yorker we
have asked has said Il don't know We
just do"
The father of a New York man came to
visit him. They started one night after din
ner to go to a theatre. They had lots OF
time TO get there The son. hustled Father
from train to train, going from local to ex-
press and back to local again, and finally
upon emerging from the subway the son
glanced al his watch.
PA, we saved n minute and a half that
time" he said
That's good" replied the old gentleman;
now what are you going to do with it?"
The son didn't know, so they stood on the
corner and watched the taXicabs go by until
the time for the performance to begin.
A I present we are passing the time as
"A we ride on the subways in a little
game we are going to turn into dis
tinct financial advantage little later on,
maybe when the Brooklyn man has succeed.
ed in arousing sufficient indignation over
poor attempts at humor to send us UP
Broadway with tin can striking against our
shoe tops. The game now play is TO lister
intently and with our utmost powers of con
centration to what the conductor says when
he announces what the next station win be
and then to guess what he said. We are
always totally at a loss as TO our where
abouts when the conductor announces
Granger street" Every time we are fooled
by il. We search our memory for something
that sounds like Granger street" but we
never remotely imagine what our n1perious
trienG is trying to say until the train slows
up and the signs reveal that have ar
rived at Prince street"
For articulation and enunciation we will
place our money on the subway conductor
and give odds even against the bespeckled,
bewhiskered old gentleman who ranges back
ana forth under our window as we attempt
to be humorous up in our room on Eighth
avenue, calling Il ca clo-o-o-o" which any
one would Immediately Eecognize as II pay
cash for old Clothes"
TIME Joke about the whole thing is that
New Workers, after hearing the sub
way conductors call the stations and
after hearing the old clothes men, the :ruit
vendors and the vegetable hucksters for
years go South and make fun OF our negroes
who announce what fish and vegetables they
have for sale.
We were speaking about a new business
we were going into when we are forced TO.
we propose to establish new school Of elo-
Cution. The head OF the school will be an
ex-subway conductor, and he will hold the
chair Of articulation. our main professor
will be our friend the old clothes man (if ne
stil lives), and he viii have the chair Of
enunciation, and the man who announces
that he has oranges for sale at eight for a
dime and twenty for quarter win be
awarded the chair of expression. We hav4
a hurdy gurdy man who interrupted us one
night when we were trying to find a suitable
rhyme for sigh" who will be in charge
OF the jazz department.
~ the way up TO Queens We got
crowded and pushed and jammed
- until We almost made up our mind
10 leave the train. There was a girl who
evidently wanted TO sit down and she in
dicated this by practically sitting on our lap
during most of the ride. She apologized
three times and finally our native Southern
courtesy arose and we gave her our seat
rather than have her mash the crease out
Of our breechcs
II reminded us OF the story Of jeremiah
one Of these long winded preachers the
kind who speak two hours and then say
And now ia conclusion" which is preface
10 another hour Of oratory. undertook one
very hot summer Sunday TO onHghtcn his
congregation about the Prophets OF the old
Testament Without informing his flock Of
what he had done ho divided his sermon into
two parts, the 'nrst dealing with the major
prophets ANA tho second with the minor
prophets.
lie gave the life story. so FAR as il is
known, OF each of the major prophets inter
prcted their writings and informed the CON
grcgation under what circumstances they
bad made their prophecies
These then" he said "are the major
prophets We have completed the list"
His hearers frightened up considerably
and the men began reaching for their hats.
And now" he contihued what Of the
minor prophets? who are they?"
The congregation sighed and settled down
again while the clergyman thoroughly OK
hausted the subject, but there we're more
thoughts OF cold dinners and Of the swelter-
Ing midday than OF prayerful concentration
upon the lives and writings Of the miner
prophets.
This" said the pastor IN cogcuson
Completes the list Of minor prophets
Ills auditors revived, mopped their faces
and prepared for the Doxoogy. There coulj
certainly be no more prophets.
And now that we have heard Of the major
prophets" said the minister. "and now that
we have considered tho minor prophets
what about Jetemiah2 Where is Jeremahs
placer"
a man in the rear of the church reached
for his hat and exclaimed.
Jeremiah can have my place. I am 60
ins home"