davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
M1zSznEz
SMlLlN THRU
BY GEE SEE
READERS are invited to send in Jokes.
Wlttlclsms or worthwhile savings
they have heard and read.
MON OMNIS ERROR STULTITIA
EST DICENDA"

Once | wrote panegyric
In lifting line O. lyric
To the lovely leading lady of NV ken.
But she scorned my glowing tribute
With wrathy, raging refute,
For I'd made her too conspicuous
again.
Hence I'll make my praising verses
Free from all fair maiden's curses
by hashing of descriptions and of
size.
When | write of midnight tresses,
| will leave but random guesses
Who it is, by painting her with sky
blue eyes.
II her arms are plump and rounded,
Then her legs will be expounded
Just as skinny as jay bird's-starv-
ing too!
1t say her red lips tempt me,
Then I'll say her cheeks exempt me
from desire, because they're yellow.
green or blue.
If | say she's slim and slender.
Then I'll say, just to denend her,
That her bust exceeds a perfect fifty
six.
l shall take no more dire chances
On their scathing, scornful chances
Henceforth all my glowing tributes
shall mix.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

"You never know what a child is
going to do next" remarked Brook
line mother the other day. I'D been
having trouble in getting my little boy
to clean his teeth, so 1 bought some
tooth powder highly favored with win
tergreen for him.
"a week later l said, You must have
been cleaning your teeth a great deal
lately. notice the powder is all gone
"'Sure, it's gone was the reply.
I've been eating it. It's fine Dos
ton Transcript
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
FARM AND
HOME FACTS

Up on top of the hill lives a fellow
named Green,
Has rich farm-fnest stock ever
seen,
Fair rollin' orchards, wife dressed like
queen,
But the folks-they don't care much
for "old man Green"
Down by Punkin Madders you'll find
Jim White,
Soil amt much to brag of, but
farms kept up all right,
Wife always smilin', five kids-purty
sight,
And the folks-well they swear by
chat jolly chap White"
The secret? Well, here it's,
Towns got anything worth boostin'
Jim'll be there with boost,
But you'll never find Green tumblin'
from his high n mighty roost.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
Editor of New Hope News:

l have received several copies of
your paper since it has fallen into
your hands, and as | read it my mind
is filled with recollections of my life
as spent in New Hope.
AS a child of eight and ten years
| went to the old school house on the
hill which was supervised at that time
by Uncle Billy Johnson. All those who
staid after school and swept were
given the wonderful privilege of 60
ing up in the cupola for a short time,
where we could view the country for
miles around. l attended the Sun
day School in the old M. E. Church,
where Uncle Jake Reice had charge
Of the singing. How he loved to sing
and everybody loved him. About this
time my people moved back to the
country again.
Fifty-six years ago l came to New
Hope as a bride. My husband en-
listed from there and served three
years in the Civil War before we were
married. My two eldest children were
born there-a son and daughter.
After living there five years we
moved to Hampton, N. j., which State
has been our home up to the present
time. About the time we left New
Hope for New Jersey my parents
moved back. Some years later my
father, Isaac S. Large, died there.
My mother, Mrs. A. E. Large, planned
and built the house where Mr..
Mathews lives and has his, restaurant,
and kept a millinery and dress max
ing establishment, also notion store,
very successfully until age and i'm
paired health caused her to give it
up, and she died later at her daugh-
ter, Mrs John Magill, near earn
ersville. New Hope holds a very
warm place in my heart, and for many
years it has been my privilege to visit
the place where my dead are all
buried in Solebury Friends graveyard
every summer also to visit relatives
and friends thruout Bucks County. 1
still have few friends in New Hope,
but the old friends of bygone years
have passed away. / have brother
there a very successful contractor and
builder. We two are the only ones left
Of cur immediate family.
MRS. JOHN BENNETT.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
Putting Her Foot in 1t.

irwin S. Cobb talked recently at
Greenwich Village about tact.
Tact" he said, sis a priceless and
rare art, which sometimes gets us in
hot water when we try to practice it.
Like the young Red Cross nurse.
Meeting this young lady during the
war at a luncheon in Tours, / hap
pened TO remark:
"T am looking round, you see'
"'Oh, not so very, Mr.. Cobb the
kind-hearted girl demonstrated, tact
fully"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
Rev. Theron Lee, Minister

ALL are cordially invited to the
services of our church, which are held
at the following hours:
This coming Sabbath at the morn
ing service Mr.. Lee will speak on the
theme "The Expressed Wishes of
Christ Concerning His Own Fame"
At the evening service Mr.. Lee will
speak on the subject Life and the
Third Power"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Dear Gee See: =
My cat, Felice, since her tall was
cut off, looks like an abridged edition
of a cat-a-log.
She is bearing her loss fortuitiously,
you would think, by the way she waves
the battered remnant in the air as she
pussy foots along, that it was a Tail
a la Mode.
| am beginning to feel sorry for full
tailed cats, she is so different. Her
martyrdom, her cheerful resignation
after loss, her insouciant smile at fate,
have given her certain distinction;
she stands out among common cats
like pin wheel on a dark night.
Felice is psychologist among cats
She has made the other cats jealous
by establishing a style.
Remember how Tom Sawyer got the
other boys to whitewash his fence? By
making a disagreeable job appear
pleasant he was paid by the others to
let them do the whitewashing.
Probably from now on veterinarians
will be called on to amputate tails in
the 1921 style.
The more knowing cats will stick
their tails under trolleys, between door
frames or anything that will serve as
an abreviator.
Good subject for a short story Cor
tale) don't you think?
Her latest husband seems to have
disappeared. He was worthless cuss,
8 back fence Tom, garbage eating
feline. But, O boy, how he could sing!
When he let out his top note it sound
ed like murder on the high C's.
Crafty yours,
F F &
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
ST ANDREWS CHURCH
Rector, Rev. Thomas J. Bensley, ID. D.

8 A. NJ, Holy Eucharist.
1880 A. NJ, Choral Holy Eucharist.
The Right Rev. Paul Matthews,
Bishop Of New jersey, will make his
visitation to this parish ard admins
ter the Sacrament of Confirmation
and will preach.
2.30 P. M, Sunday School.
7.30 P. NJ, evening prayer and SER
mon by the rector.
All members of St. Andrews
Church are asked to come out and
meet the Bishop.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
LambertyiIIe Churches
CENTENARY METHODIST
CHURCH
Rev. Edward A. Wells, Pastor

A cordial invitation is extended to
all who will worship with US.
1880 A. NJ, preaching service.
7.30 P. M, preaching service.
2.15 P. NJ, Sunday School.
6.45 P. NJ, Epworth League.
Tuesday 7.30 P. NJ, Prayer Service.
Class meeting Friday evening.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
THE RIGHT KIND.

"I feel like letting some tears fall
over the public privations."
81 don't care how fast and hard
they fall if they're proGtee1s."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
A Delightful Diagnosis.

"Well, grille, what did the oculist say
about your eyes?"
"Oh, he was the incest young oculist
you ever met"
"Heh"
"Said my eyes were beautiful"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
Art.


Pa, what IS an actOrE
"An actor, my boy. is person who
can walk TO the side of stage, peer
into the wings at a group Of other
actors waiting for their cues a num-
her of bored stage hands and lot
of theatrical odds and ends and ex-
claim, What lovely view there is
from this window Birmingham
Age Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Mistress-Norah, I rang for you
four times and you didn't come. I'm
getting tired Of It.
Maid-so am I that's why I've
come.-Boston Transcript.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
Lachrymal Test.

"Was the wedding a successT
Indeed it was. Why, women wept
bitterly who didn't even know the
bride"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
New Hope Churches
NEW HOPE PRESBYTERIAN
CHURCH
Rev. Nj. E Bartholomew, Minister

Sunday School at 10 A. M. Glasses
for all ages.
Morning worship at II A. M.
Everybody welcome!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Hours of Service-Mass on Sunday
at 8 and 10 o'clock. Holy days at. 5
and o'clock.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Hens are great bathers, but not in
water. Supply them with small box
of dust and watch them cheat the
greedy parasites.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Grit, greens and oyster she'll are the
daily specials in well kept poultry
cafeteria.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Says a scientist from the South:
"Sulfur deserves a niche in the bugs
hall of fame for conquering that other
bug, potato scab."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
THOMPSON MEMORIAL CHURCH
Rev. w, w. Harris, Pastor

Sunday School at 10 A. M.
Morning worship at II o'clock.
Sunday School at Wood Hill Chapel,
2.20 P. M.
c. E. at 7.3O P. M.
Evening worship at o'clock.
Cottage prayer meeting on Friday
evening at s o'clock.
A welcome to all services.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

To postpone that necessary job OF
painting is false economy.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Which reminds us, Why not study
up on this sulfur and potato scab
question now and be all ready to try
it out in the spring? Write to your
State Experiment Station, New Bruins
wick, for particulars.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
Climate.

Eyes. I like Cuba in winter 1t is
much warmer"
"And moister."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Time was when the farmers big
job was to produce food. Now in pure
self-defense he has to struggle with
the marketing question too.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Are you a little bit doubtful about
that seed you just bought? Better
play safe and have SAMPLE tested
at the State Experiment Station, New
Brunswick.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Economy is oft3n not so much Ego
ing without" as spending judiciously.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

In these days when appearances
count for such lot, you'll find that
the farmer with the well kept build
irgs, gates and fences stands much
better chance of becoming a commu-
nifty leader than his neighbor whose
place is rundown at the heel.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

ST. MARTINS R. C. CHURCH
Rev. Henry S. S. Hasson, Pastor
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14
NEW HOPE M. E. CHURCH
c. E. Radcliffe, Phi. D., Pastor

1000 A. NJ, Sunday School.
HOO A. M, worship and sermon.
6.45 P. M, Epworth League.
7.30 P. M, sermon Illustrated with
the stereopticon.
Prayer meeting Thursday evening
A glad hand and welcome to all.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

The independent man is very often
IN dependent Giro dmstauces.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

A shine on your shoes it worth two
on your coat.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Soda fountains are fizzical neces
sity
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Issued by the State College of Agri-
culture, January 10, 1921.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

Our idea of dumbbell is the "street
corner grave stone who goes blunder-
ing about the streets and public places
with an umbrella under his or her arm
poking everybody else in the ribs with
the sharp end of it.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

In all sincerity, E. E. S., are YOU
q veterinarian?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

If Jesus loved the poor, the sick and
the sinner, we wonder how in the
name of reason he can love some of
the stiff backed, naughty, highland
mighty individuals of the church of
today.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

What kind of smile did you say
she has?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

"Doucement! DOUCEMENTi" as
the French would say!
In all sincerity, E. E. S., are YOU
veterinarian?
Our idea of a dumbbell is the "street
corner grave stone who goes blunder-
ing about the streets and public places
with an umbrella under his or her arm
poking everybody else in the ribs with
the sharp end of it.
If Jesus loved the poor, the sick and
the sinner, we wonder how in the
name of reason he can love some of
the stiff backed, naughty, highland
mighty individuals of the church of
today.
The churches today are infested
with negatively virtuous" people.
Negatively virtuous" because for
hidden things have never appealed to
them.
And because forbidden things have
never appealed to them they think
they are pre-eminently righteous be-
cause they have never partaken of
forbidden fruit
What they most need is to sin
little. 1t would "humanize" them and
make them more charitable.
Our idea of a double-damned dumb
bell is the whisky washy lolly-pop who
goes about Dragging that he has a job
where he Gust passes away the time"
Apropos OF the above, take bite
Of the following, and see if you can
digest it.
Work thou for pleasure;
Paint or sing or carve
The thing thou lowest,
Tho the body starve.
Who works for money
Coins his very soul.
Work for works sake then,
| And it may well be
That these things
| Shah be added unto thee"
, kenyon Carr, in Heart Throbs.o
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

"Doucement! DOUCEMENTw a
the French would say!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

And because forbidden things have
never appealed to them they think
they are pre-eminently righteous be-
cause they have never partaken of
forbidden fruit
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1921-01-14

The churches today are infested
with negatively virtuous" people.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
DINNER AT NINA.
!. G|VENIN HONOR Of
DR.. AN5M MRSM|LL|ON

A hundred friends of DR.. and Mrs.
u. w. Million gathered in the dining
room at NINA. Saturday night to ban
quet in honor of the departing Pres
ident of Hardin and his wife. Most
of those present had worked with DR..
Million or knew him for years and
their presence made the occasion most
impressive,
Splendid musical numbers that
were encored time and again lent
humor and pathos to the occasion
that was completed by the tributes Of
words that old friends paid.
Rufus Jackson eulogized DR.. Million
for his 26 years of faithful service
in Mexico and told of the efforts that
the outgoing President of Hardin
had made for the up-building of the
school. Mexico loses at least two
millions" he said, when they depart
William Pollock, whom DR.. Million
mentioned as the man who had been
thru the MILL" and who was men,
Der of the Building Committee of
the college said that DR.. Million had
done more for Mexico than many peo-
pie realized and had worked earnestly
for it's up-building.
DR.. S. J. Vaughn paid tribute of
honor to DIR, Million and said he
would be satisfied to slip into folks
condolences and DR.. Millions place."
After talks by both DR.. and Mrs.
Million, C. A. Barnes, the postmaster,
on presenting the honored guests with
a token from their friends, said that
tho they were leaving, "the Million
spirit would not depart
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
WOULD LUNCH
CAMPAIGN FOR
CHINESE FUND

A campaign for the China Famine
Fund is now under way in Missouri
and will be put on in approximately
100 towns. The st. Louis Committee,
has been asked by the National and
State Committees to aid in the cam
paign of the state. George Coombs, a
representative of the committee, will
reach this city in few days and will
arrange with local men and women
to lead in the work here.
A new and urgent call has come
from New York Headquarters of the
fund.
"The increasingly acute situation" !"
the appeal says, "in the famine stric-
ken provinces of North China impels
the American Committee to send to
all local and State Comittees this ur-
gent apepal to continue their activities
at least until up in June. Five mil
lion starving Chinese will be depend
eut upon us for further funds until
the next harvest come in"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
Miss A. Hayes
AndJ.R. Myers
Are Married

Miss Anna Belle Hayes and James
r. Myers were united in marriage by
Rev. w. C. Cowart at the home Of Mr..
and Mrs. Jeter Crews at 8 p. M, Mon
day night.
The ceremony was performed IN
the presence Of only the immediate rel
atives Of the couple, DR.. Cowart using
the ring ceremony.
The bride, who has resided IN Col
unbia is a very charming young girl
with many friends in that town.
The groom is the son Of M Myers
of North Jefferson Street and is night
Baggagemaster at the g., a A. The
couple viii reside in the Greasy
apartments on jefferson street.
The Ledger joins friends in extend.
ing best wishes for many happy years
Of welded life.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
HONOR MINISTER'S

A beautiful and fitting service was
celebrated Monday at Elmwood eeme-
cry BY a coup Of. Mexico Methodists.
A brief tribute was laid at the graves
Ct Rev. Andrew Manrot, pioneer
preacher of Mcthodisi.l who labored
IS years in Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee
and Missouri; Rev. T, ]. Gooch, who
held two pastorates in the local con-
gregation from 1S73-74 and 1881
Dr.. H. M. Hamilton of the greatest
sachcrs and Sunday school men Of his
lay, at one time president Of the In
ternational Sunday School Associa-
ton; Rev.. Nathanial Fish, preacher
Cor many years in the Missouri Con-
renee, j. M. Marmaduke, who for
"a years was superintendent of the
ethodist Sunday School in this city.
S. P. Emmons and G. R. Adams
gave brief tributes Of honor 10 these
worthy men-members ofthe Epworth
League and Sunday School laid fiow-
ers upon each mound.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
HARDIN BOARD
ANNOUNCES THE
COLLEGE FACULTY

In choosing faculty for next fali
the Board of Directors of Hardin Col
lege believe they have not only main
tanned the present high academic
standards Ditch school but have placed
it above other Missouri Junior Coll
leges.
THE faculty is an especially strong
one, | believe" said one member Of
the board, "and we have reason to
expect great things in the coming
school year."
Following are the names made pub
lie:
S. ]. Vaughn, President
Mary Olive Hunting, Latin and
Greek.
Ruth Boyd, English.
Helen Sherwood Knight, Assistant
in English and History.
7. P. Oakley, History and Educa-
tion.
Asa Q. Burns, Religious Education.
William B. Peeler, Science.
Matte Lois Jones, Mathematics.
Esther Fraser, Home Economics.
Albert De Chaudron, French and
Spanish.
Emma Witt, Comercial.
Ethel Porter, Instructor in SWIM
ming, rxl
Mrs. T. P. Oakley, Librarian.
Ethel Thornburgh, Secretary to the
President.
Helen Shotwell, Assistant in Piano.
Maude E. Gates, Piano.
Elizabeth Coots, Piano.
Florence L. Woodin, Director of
Voice Department.
Zella C. Keaster, Assistant in Voice.
Martha Pitcher, Violin and Harm
ony.
Vera H Blandford, Expression.
Vera Rutter, Assistant in Express
sion.
Mary w. Shackelford, Art.
Ruth Noah, Art Assistant.
Bessie May Holmes, nurse.
Mary Humphrey, Night Matron.
Other names will be announced 10
fill vacancies caused by recent resig-
nations.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02
Nativeof Audrain
Celebrates lst
Solemn Mass

The Rev. Father Adolph Paschang
celebrated his First Solemn Mass at
st. Joseph's Church, Martinsburg,
Thursday at a. m. He was assist
ed by the Rev. W. Kempf, of Spanish
Lake, Mo-, as Deacon and the Rev.
Father M. Schaller of St. Louis as
sub Deacon.
An eloquent sermon was delivered
by the Rev. Father Jos. Sullivan of
st. Louis. The St. Josephs choir
under the able leadership of F. G..
jacob organist performed their
duties with credit. The church,
which has the largest seating capacity
of any building in Martinsburg was
crowded to its utmost capacity, many
being obligated to stand in the rear.
Quite q number of persons from out
of town were present. Those attend.
ing beside the above mentioned were,
Rev. Fathers d. D. Hurley of Wells
vile, Jos. Raaien of Glasgow, H.
Schlueter of Vandalia, Jos. Homer of
Luebbering, Mo-, and Gavin of Mex
leo.
He will probably sail for China in
September to take up his work in the
field of Foreign Missions.
Father Pasehang is the youngest
son of Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Paschang,
both deceased, who were some of this
eommunity's pioneers and most high
ly respected people. He was born and
reared in Martinsburg. He received
his early education at st. Joseph's
Parochial school and later attended St.
Louis University. Upon his grad
uation from the University he entered
the Foreign Mission Seminary, Mary
Knoll, Osining, New York.
Following is a partial list of the
persons from Mexico attending the
celebration. Mr.. and Mrs. Rhodes
Green and sons, Mr.. and Mrs. Carl
Dobyns, Mrs. w. Smith and daughter,
Miss Rosalee, Mrs. Refs and Rev.
Father Gavin.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1921-06-02

According to the latest census re-
ports there were 1881 farms in Aud
rain 1920, and in 1910 2,734 farms and
in 1900 2,770 farms. The report shows
2,458 male farmers in Audrain and 63
female. Their are 2,424 native white
farmers, 81 foreign born white farm
ers and 80 negro.
The largest number Of farms run
from 100 to 174 acres and are 97O in
number, the next so to SO acres in all
488 farms, only six farms are listed
over 1000 acres, 81 between 500 and
1000 acres.
Audrain is credited with 438, 400
acres in all of which 518,834 were in
farms in 1920, 426,550 in farms in
1910 and 415,248 acres in farms in
1900. The average acres per farms
is 1861.
The value of all farm property in
1920 was $53,999,849, in 1910 it was
S33, ,OO9, in 1900 it was $14,O96,-
554.