davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

mented by grand effigy Of Michael
Flanagan joiner, who, it's pedestal says,
gave his life for his fellow Travellers
Joner's wife, Bridget Ellen joiner, hav-
ing erected the memorial, is planning a
new matrimony with Timothy O'Leary,
when joiner comes back and Indignantly
resents the emblem Of his hero
ism. -.
Mr.. joiner: "And what call had you
to make a craven image of me in the
public street, the like of the Kings of
England or Parnell himself? Give his
life for his fellow travelers-Is it mad
you all are?'
Mrs. joiner: "Then you did not do
so?"
Mr.. joiner: "I did not, indeed. And
why should 1.-The low heathen-and /
that had my fare paid to Tarshish ?"
Mrs. joiner: "Then it's drunk YOU
are! How came you Topping into the
water like young dog or boy that
does be diving in the hot weather, and
you with the rheumatism 2"
Mr.. joiner: '1t was not lepping 1
was. nor diving neither, but it's thrown
in I was by lot of heather sailors
because was after prophesying the
wrath Of the Lord was upon them"
Mrs. joiner: "Didn't 1 tell you that
no good would come of prophesying, and
you that was brought up decent lad
by your own father in Kildare? ?"
After joiner has been pathetic about
his three days tenancy of fsh's chill
and inconvenient insides and of his sum-
mary eviction therefrom, discussion en-
sues concerning the value of his career
to vaudeville or biography. The three
Of them decide that literature will be- the
most lucrative result of his experiences
and SO the drama ends-one of the
blithest of the Midrash-or is it the
haggadah?
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Roo1c By
1OO'Lo Percy Hammond

Mr.. A. p. Herbert's new collection of
papers, Little Rays Of Moonshine," is
ready for reading, and, as Mr.. Knopf,
the publisher, says, eft is a book to
divert the most lugubrious."
Among these little rays is game en-
titled wrong Numbers" an impish
frolic, showing Mr. Herbert less mellow
than is his habit. Thus, when he is
called to the telephone by mistake of
the operator he pretends to be the per-
son desired, and finds a bitter amusc-
ment in annoying his innocent CORE
spondent. For instance, if voice asks
"Hello! Is that you, Mortimer" Mr..
Herbert replies eyes, you dirty dog!"
and proceeds further to confuse and
humiliate his fellow victim. i.
Other anodynes for the lugubrious
treat Of Dancing, Poetry, White Spats,
Bathrooms and Artificial Legs.
HIt' heIUeIt dIlu inc cQlC0r OF "lne
London Mercury" Mr.. J. c. Squires, his
companion in American exploration,
have returned to England bubbling with
enthusiasm about the New World and
it's inhabitants. -. One Of their
most exciting adventures was pill
grimage to Springfield, ILL.,, the fame
of Vachell Lindsay, who is England's
idea of an American poet. Mr..
Lindsay's boots squeak like rural un-
dcrtaker's as he reads his works aloud.
x i: ):
Mrs. Oliver Herford regards "The
Book of Jonah" as the most fun in Mr..
Herbert's Little Rays of Moonshine."
So do I. "The Book of Jonah" is a
short Irish play reducing to the terms
of Lady Gregory or Lennox Robinson
tie anecdote of the great Whale and its
contents. The scene is near by the
public square of an Irish village, orna-
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Making Crime Too Comfortable

When Magistrate McAdoo says
that crime can be lessened by rails
ing the bail for such offenses as
burglary and highway robbery to
( $4,000 or $4,000, and licensing
professional bondsmen, he knows
what he is talking about.
Judge McAdoo has been chief
magistrate for many years. Before
that he was Police Commissioner.
He has availed himself of the wide
opportunities these offices have given
him for the study of crime and of
criminals.
AS Police Commissioner Judge Nc
Adoo gave New York the finger
print system of Identification, which
has done great deal toward the
suppression of the activities of for
mer convicts and old offenders. AS
magistrate he put an end to the
whispering on the bench which made
many hearings before the lower
courts little more than farce.
lie has consistently warred on
professional bondsmen, and he is
perfectly right in his assertion that
the ease with which practised GRIM
lnals can obtain bail from these
worthless encourages them to take
longer chances with their jimmies
and sandbags.
The burglar or bandit who makes
big haul can afford the luxury Of
liberty when it can be had by secur-
ing low bond. Once at liberty. if
the evidence against him accum,,-
iates, the roads to other sections are
open to him. He can and often
Goes, Jump his bail. Doubtless actu-
arial tables inform the bondsmen AZ
to just how much risk they run. In
any event, they successfully ply
their trade, and the fact that they
are increasing in number with the
rise OF another crime wave is highly
significant.
Licensing them can do no possible
injury to those who are clean and
straightforward. Raising the bail
Of burglars and bandits, especially
N the case Of former offenders. can
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Wrechers

Opposition by the city admln1s-
tration to any constructive and
carefully thought out plan for the
development of the Port of New
York was to be expected. at pres
ent this opposition takes the form Of
counter plan for Staten Island
tunnel. Its adoption would make i'm
possible the execution Of the compre-
hensive scheme of port develop
ment planned by the Port Authority,
among the members of which is
former Governor Alfred E. Smith.
If this counter plan fails to
achieve its purpose some other plan
may be expected to bo taken up at
the City Hall. Hearst, Hylan &
Company are wreckers, not con-
structors. Without constructive
ability Of any sort themselves, they
are constantly on the alert for
opportunities to pull down the con-
structive work Of abler and better
equipped citizens whose interest in
the welfare Of the community is as
great as if not greater than their
own.
Hearst was in the wrecking busi-
ness long before he took Hylan into
partnership. 1t was he who demol-
ished the plan for the elimination Of
Death Avenue and the removal of
open railroad yards from Riverside
Park. For years he had loudly
clamored that these things be done.
AS soon as there was a prospect of
getting them done he savagely at
tackled the scheme, for no apparent
reason save that it was sponsored by
Mayor Mitchell, whom he hated.
Having taken Hylan into the firm,
he began an effort to defeat the sys-
tematic unifcation and extension Of
the transit system. Making fake
issue of the five-cent fare, he at
tackled Governor Miller and Govern
Or Miller's transit commission. The
campaign was upon him too swiftly
to permit the putting forth of a
counter plan, as has been done in
the case Of the Port of New York
proposal. He merely attacked vio-
lently and indiscriminately, Hylan
glibly repeating the Hearst propa-
ganda on the stump.
Again the city is within reach of
a system of terminal development
which will benefit every business
man, and in consequence every tax
payer and every resident. Again
Hearst, Hylan & Company roll out
their wrecking machinery and en-
deavor to tumble it in ruins.
Whether the partnership is in
spired by craving for the credit
for every public work or whether
their inspiration is pure malice
makes no difference. 1t is a policy
of destruction and devastation.
Continued, it means the postpone
ment of any sort of betterment of
freight and transit facilities so long
as the junior partner in the concern
remains in office.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

areas were developed to their highest
point Of efficiency during the war, while
1T will take years before France can be
restored to her prc-war condition.
Any one who says Germany can't pay
Is either deliberately hoping she won't
have to pay or else doesn't know what
he is talking about.
Make Germany pay, and pay to the
limit. She started something, now let
her finish it. When she pays the small
part Of her bill the reparations call
for. then she can dry her crocodile
tears.
ARTHUR D. MUDDELL.
9th Division.
Brooklyn, Dec. 81, 1921.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Democracy in japan

Dr.. William e. Grihis, in the cur
rent number of "The North Ameri-
can Review" writes of the progress
OF democracy in Japan. He men
tions the fact that the late Kei Hara
was the first, and his successor,
Takahashi, is the second, commoner
and civilian to be Prime Minister of
that country. That in itself is sig-
nlficant, in view of the intensely
aristocratic and militaristic spirit
which formerly dominated the Island
Empire.
Both these men came from the
northern clans, which were to the
last loyal to the Tokugawa Shotgun.
ate and went down with it in mill
tary defeat; but through that defeat
they found the way into a new and
larger life. They both diligently
applied themselves to the study of
Western and particularly of Amer
lean affairs. Born amid traditions
OF arlstocracy and militarism, both
remained coinmoners and civilians.
Ore of Hara's first acts was to order
that throughout Japan military
dress should be worn only by men in
active service in the army and navy.
and that in Corea the Japanese
school teachers should cease wearing
swords and uniforms in the school
rooms.
Takahashi in his youth was
"shsnghaied" and brought to the
United States as one Of a coffie Of
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
The Dollars Friend

That misfortune has come to the
company that vended the watch that
made the dollar famous is news
which arouses the sympathy Of many
millions. The Ingersoll may have
taken long time to wind, but it kept
a true record Of the march Of the
hours and contributed in no small
way to that leveling of material life
which is an outward mark Of democ-
racy.
The time is not far back when
ownership Of any kind of pocket
tinlepiece was sign and symbol Of
plutocracy. The banker was envied
and sometimes hated as he jerked at
the log-chain which tangled across
his vest and carelessly drew his re-
peater into view. Poorer folk looked
at the sun and made a guess at how
soon quitting time would come. But
the proletariat came into it's own. 1t
had nickel case, instead of gold
one, but utility was as we'll served.
1t is said that the refusal of the
dollar to remain a dollar is the cause
Of the Ingersoll collapse. But there
is another factor-the further prog
ress of the proletariat. Nickel is no
longer good enough. 1t demands and
is able to get gold, and the lordly
who would preserve their distinction
are driven to platinum. But with hot
breath the proletariat rushes on and
the rich may soon be forced to take
up with tungsten or the like.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Kipling Was Right

I A New Jersey householder, set
upon by bandits, lifted up his voice
ssin . wild wall for his wife. The
wife appeared. frying pan in one
fhand and rolling pin in the other.
tThc bandits caught sight of her and
Encontinently fed.
Thus is Mr.. Kipling's observation
gps the relative deadlineas of the
eexes fully indicated. A woman
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Make Germany PAY

To the Editor of The Tribune.
Sir: I wish to thank you for you,
editorial Germany Can Pay"
The trouble with the Germans is
that they have been educated to deceive
their neighbors. Changing their form
of government does not make the peo-
pie honest.
They seem 70 have lost the ability to
tell the truth.
They should be made to pay; they
need the experience.
r. j. DAVIDSON.
Daytona, Fla, Dec. 26, 1921.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

result in nothing but the increased
safety Of the public.
1t is perfectly evident that some
means must be found to check the
rising tide Of crime. Judge Nc
Adoc's suggestion deserves the at
tention Of the bench. It is merely
the sort Of common sense that is
born OF intelligence and wide cx-
perience.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

The new subway gates will save you
lot of money in the course Of year.
1t is one thing to carry bunch of
tickets and say I'vc got 'cm." and
another to give man nickel to drop
into the slot. And if there are ten
in your crowd, most of them would
rather pay their way than take the
nickel you give them. On the
o. h., 1t you are in the habit Of having
somebody drop in a ticket for you,
this new scheme is going to cost you
a Tidy Sum.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
More Truth Than Poetry
BY James ]. Montague
A Poet to His Wife

A Poet to His Wife
Who is suing him for divorce on account o.
his approaching badness
Calpurnia to the last adored her
Cesar,
Her pure and blameless heart
he held enthralled;
And yet he was no Hyacinthian
-. - geezer,
By all accounts and pictures
he was bald.
Ann Hathaway thought Shake
speare was wonder,
And-though she was widow
when she we'd
No trials availed the loving twain
to sunder:
Yet Bill had little hair upon his
head.
If all the truth of great romantic
lovers
And their inamoratas were but
known,
You'd find lot lacked hair upon
their covers
The ladies loved 'em for them
selves alone.
And yet you ask a legal separa-
ton,
My happiness from my poor
grasp you snatch,
And make, for your excuse, as
severation
That l am growing patchy in
the thatch.
Is wedlocl1, then. on love locks
only founded?
Cannot man provide happy
home
Unless his manly brow is wreathed
and bounded
And hair obscures a round,
well-molded dome?
Ah, happy wives, my dear, would
be far fewer
If every foolish maiden held
aloof
From joining hands with any
sort Of wooer
Who did not have a fully
shingled roof.
In vain you'll seek the courts for
satisfaction,
The law is wiser than you are
aware;
You have no hope, through any
legal action,
Of dropping me because I've
dropped my hair.
You'll learn how futile, i'll adj
vised and rash is
This scheme you cherish, when
the case is called;
Your dream will swiftly turn to
dust and ashes,
Because all judges - every
where-are bald.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Put Themb in the Curriculumb

f. P. A.: In one Of your travelogues
recently Mr.. Will Irwin spoke of hav-
ing Clamb Chowder without a da:n5
clamb in it. Not so long ago this
traveller was in country hotel near
Wilkes-Barre, Pa, one that Frank
O'Malley and some Of tho ether boys
OF the W. B. Press Club frcquentcd,
where our particular traveller had some
damb good preserves. On the jar in q
dear fine old 1850 handwriting was
the following: "Plumb Jamb."
G. L. r.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Unprofcssional Behavior

fFrom The circimadts EnquiYer}
a New York State Mayor has asked
that his salary be reduced. In the
interests of the Guild Of Ancient
and Practical Office Holeers a commit
tee OF hand-picked alienists doubtless
thoroughly will investigate this sings-
lar o6icial, Ia
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
MEassxx OF THE ASSOCIATED Press

ME6sEK OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The Associated Press IS exclusively entitled to
tie use for republication Of all news dispatches
credited to 4 or not otherwise credited IN this
paper and also the local news Of spontaneous
sfiStn published herein.
Al nshts sf republication q AL other matter
herein also reserved.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
The Touer
The Traffic Cons Honor Roll

The Traffic Cops Honor KOII
There is cop in our town,
And ho is wondrous wise;
He jumps into traffic Jam
And never bats his eyes.
And IL he sees your lights are out,
With all his might and main,
When New Years time is drawing near,
He'll wave you on again.
C. S. JACKSON.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
THE DIARY OF OWN OWN SAMUEL PEPYs

December 27--With my wife to see
Bulldog Drummond" last night, and
great fun it was COO, and saw j. Tan
nen there and he telling me he hath
gone into the furniture business, and
so home in my petrol-wsggon, and to
bed, ill-content with myself for hav-
ing neglected so many things this past
year, but asleep before l had time to
vow to do better in the year to come.
Early up, and to the dentists, and so
to my Office, and with my wife to
George Kaufman's for dinner, and so
home.
28-Up, and played with the cat for
near an hour, and so to the Office, and
met Mistress Sparkes in the subway,
and she tells me Boyden hath been i'll
of the scarlet fever, which / was sorry
to hear. At my desk till late, and so
home to supper.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
GUARANTY

rsu can parehass merchandlss advertised Ia TAe
TRIBUNE With absolute sassy-for II dlssatisfae-
iisn results In any case THE TRIBUNE suaFan-
tee, TO say your money back apon request No red
,sss No sssshns. We make good promptly II
the iasatlssr does not.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Tough Outlook

Our curtailed shipbuilding pro-
gram is going to throw a lot Of
pugilist- snt Of employment in the
event Of another war.
Copyright by James ]. aiontaxual
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

The Venezuelan Contrib Nonplussed
new york december twenty eighth scnor
don francisco p adams muy estimado
senor having been commissioned by my
government to examine into the new
feathcrweight gates of your wonder
full city with view to adopting them
in our subway in caracas whenever we
build one find many things which
puzzlc me for instance our nickel or
medic real is thin small coin like a
canadian five cent piece and fear it
would not have sufficient 1inetic en-
ergy on being dropped into slot to
cause the audible and mechanical won
ders which observe and feel every
evening at exactly five o'clock also
what do you do when exchange varies
can the welcoming push into the
cavcrns CT transportation be varied SO
as to be directly proportional to the
exchange rating of the bolivar as we
call our unit Of currency then there is
another matter which worries me great
ly would it be possible to install one
Of these gates at every coin box tele-
phone in new york and particularly in
brooklyn so that when drop the nickel
in the gate will turn and wake up the
distant operator this alone would be
worth the price Of the talk thank you
for your courtesy to one who is a
stranger in huge city and who speaks
but indifferently the language Of the
street not to mention the subway
muchas gracias hasta la vista jorje
clairek
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

1--WE have been advised" says the Of
fcial statement Of the Anti-Saloon
League, "by Catholic clergymen who we
have reason to believe are quito as
we'll informed" But the wor-
SHIPPED World edits the statement to
read whom are quite as we'll
informed" Now we h, no b. for the
Anti-Saloon League, but its English is
fawless.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
DeplorabIe Condition

Nassau must be a frightfully
wicked city. She imports ten barrels
of liquor month for every one of
her inhabitants.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
The Perfect State
(From The Boston f7,obr) }

n TT0HE TIC H0S!oF G!obe7
Civilization is that slowly attained
condition Of stability in which 1Oo.-
100000 persons know that Muscle
Shoals Is spelled wrong and keep on
spelling 1t wronS in mutual Difference.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

Well, although Mr.. Thomas Hardy's
reverb" was new one to S. H. A.
and to US, Mr.. Hardy had lustrous
guidance:
Nor are those empty hearted whose
low sound
Reverbs no hollowness.
Which is taken from King Lear" Act
I, Scene 1.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

Ever since the show has been on we
have been trying, with time out for
one thing and another, to do something
with brook that came -rrom haunts
of Jerry Kern and made a sudden
"Sally." And for week we have been
trying to continue
And as in Uric thought he stood,
The Janauschek. with eyes of flame,
Came Whiffen through the Peggy Wood,
And Burbaged as it came.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

AS to "teenet" and "tennet," the Con-
else Oxford Dictionary permits both
pronunciations, according to II. M. But
it insists upon "ideer," and it pro-
nounces "fracas'' "frack-ah." So for
the next teen yeahs, as long us we are
able to play lawn teenis, we shall con-
tinue to say "tenets," our simple faith
as Teenyson says, being laore than
Norman Trevor.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Infallible

The way to start fight in the
Senate is to give it a peace treaty.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

Yesterday we saw something that
must be reported to the Taxicab Chauf-
feurs Association. A taxi-driver, OBJ
viously forgetting his oath Of Office,
held his band out when about to turn
his car. r. p. A.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

"The only curate who remains is the
Reverend Clarence Hicks" says the
story about the Church of the Trans
fguration. "Ana be your orihamrae to-
day the helmet Of Navarro" was not
better refrain.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

Owned BY New York Tribune Inc. Nev 1csx
cerpSra,isn. Published daily. ogdn Reid. Presi-
dent q. Vernon Rogers. vsee-Presdent; Helen
Rogers Reid Secretary; n. r. Maxnsld. Treasurer.
Address. Tribune Building. rs4 Nassau Street. New
York Telephone. Reakman 3eso
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29
Bide-a-Wee Homes Need

Brooklyn, Dec. 81. 1921.
New-York tribune., 1921-12-29

New York Dec. s7s 1921.
The Washington times., 1921-10-30
*. c. HISTORY PLANS
APPEAL TO MOTHERS
More Than 90 Per Cent Of In
quiries Coming to Commits
sion Are From Women.

Are American women more inter
asted In American history than
American men1 Chairman Edward
=. McSweeney. OF the knights OF
Columbus American history com
mission. is inclined TO answer "yes" Z"
or more than 1000 letters OF In
quiry and encouragement received at
he Knights OF Columbus history com
missions offices. In New York. New
Haven and Boston. more than 30
per cent have been received from
women. and the first three mono
graphs received from teachers and
students OF history eligible for prizes
in. the K-C $500 American history
competition, are addressed to the
commission In what Is obviously
feminine handwriting-althou the
judges won't know where the type,
written manuscripts came from when
they sit down to judge.
Most OF the letters from women are
from mothers-the majority OF them
stating their uneauivocal approve
The Washington times., 1921-10-30
COlORED K. T. INSTALL
OFFICERS FOR DISTRICT

Following their recent election, Of
ficers of the colored knights Templar
Of the District of Columbia were In.
stalled at a meeting held last week:
Samuel T. Griag, grand commander:
Charles w. Hale. department grand
commander: George w. Boone, gener-
alissimo: F. w. Spriggs. captain-gen-
eral; James N. Alden. treasurer; Charles
D. Freeman. recorder; Joseph II. Haw-
kins. prelate; John w. Stockton. SEN
Tor grand warden; Edward w. Burnett,
junior grand warden.
Officers appointed were jeremiah
Scott. inspector general Edward T.
Grant. sword bearer; II. c. Walker,
standard bearer; w. H. Thomas, cap
tain of the guard; Arthur Brown, Will
liam Laws, A. c. Thomas, guards;
Charles F.. Ford, commissary general;
w. III. Gordon, quartermaster general;
H. p. Jackson, sentinel; Charles II.
Young, drill instructor; James N. Alden,
representative of the Masonic Hall
Association; N. III. B. Casell, depart
ment grand commander of Liberia
j. S. Scott and William o. Kelley, de-
partment grand commanders for north.
ern and southern California.
The Washington times., 1921-10-30

Second Floor-Lansbureh 3 Brother.