The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1921-02-01

sOld Doo!ittla has been married q
loEg time, and he's got so used to be-
ing bossed by his wife that he doesn't
know what to DO when she isn't
around. If you offered to lend him s.
he'd say he'd have to consult Eliza
Jane about it. One time, when his
wife was away, visiting, he ate about
q peck of green cucu,nbers, and the
collie shut him up like a folding bed.
It was the worst case I ever saw. l
( heard him yelling for the police, ana
when rtshed over there and saw him
on the floor, with his feet clasped
across the back Of his neck, I phoned
for doctor at once. We put him to
bed, and the agony that man endured
was sickening. And as he rolled
around there, expecting to go off the
hooks every minute, he kept saying,
What will Eliza Jane So when she
hears called in a doctor"
"After his wife came back, / was
over at their house one night, and she
roasted me to crisp for sending for
doctor. She said that If had the first
instincts. Of gentleman I'd pay the
bill, for 7 wasn't authorized to call in
a sawbones, and she didn't want one in
the house. Doo!ittle sat there and
heard his wife roasting me until my
whiskers curled and. although he knew
tie doctor saved his life, he never said
a word.
"laiter I left the house, he sneakcd
out and overlook me, and told me he
, was sorry for what had happened, but
experience had taught him that it's no
use to butt in when his wife has the
floor.
/. "Gooseworthy came over this morn
ing While I was feeding the cows, and
told me tale of woe. His wife has
about five hundred female relations,
aunts and StepsiSters and cousins and
such people, and she keeps the house
full of them all the time. He has to
sleep on a sanitary couch in the hail,
While his own feather bed is occupied
by an. aunt who weighs about 4O0
pounds. He has comfortable rocking
chair he bought for his own private
use, and now he never gets q whack
at it. !1is 'wife's step-sister, who
brought her s>-toise-shell cat along, is
always using Il. Ue said he was get
ting plumb disgustsa with such a con-
dition of affairs, bat ne didn't know
what to do.
81 asked him why he didn't read the
authorized version OF the riot act to his
wife, and tell her to ship all tnose rel:
les cat OF the house. He seemed
shocked at the suggestion. you don'e
know what you're talking about, ne
said. you've nerer been married.
''The queer Thing about it is that
Goosewortay is great sickle: FOR ms
rights whcn hes awcy from home. hes
as sassy as a.,bcat, and will fight at
the drop of the het if anybody tries to
impose on, him. fIe walks with his
head back and his chest out in front OF
him, but rs soon as he reaches his own
front gate he begins to look so blamed
abject that the neighbdrs pity him.
"Then, there's cid Major SendoH,
who distinguished himself On many
crimson battlefield. He has courag>
enough for three regiments. But he
married the Widow Bunkum couple
of years ago and she makes him 90
the. family washing, and hang lhe
clothes on the line, and I suppose he
does the ironing, too. could tell you
Of hundred such cases"
CT suppose you could" sighed the
professor. "bur I don't care for sensa~
tional fiction