davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

wives in suburban circles. II must be more
than half century since any lady made
slipper for . curate. % perhaps 1t 10 no
wonder that the joke Is wearing thin. To
survive, q joke must have some point OF
contact with actual experience. as the
mother in law has, and the drunken man.
But II we have lost many old jokes Of ster-
ling quality we have created few new ones
which our ancestors knew nothing about.
There 10, for instance, the politician" joke.
which Is rapidly becoming popular. Politi-
clans have long struck me rs funny, and for
years l have felt inclined to laugh when
heard Of one. I did not know that they
affected other people in the same way until
one evening when I was addressing an
audience Of soldiers in France. In the course
of my speech l used the word politician,
without the slightest intention Of making q
joke, just as might have used the word
Librarian" or electrician" But the mo-
ment said politician the, audience be-
gan to laugh and grasped the fact that I
had--not made but uttered Q joke. tried
the experiment several times afterward and
the result was most satisfactory. There was
always laughter. The same thing holds good
at home among civilians. A speaker who
wishes to cheer up his audience il as safe
with politician" as he Is with mother
in-law." Let any orator Try the experiment.
''Now, II were q politician, should say
-" or Elm not politician, but II were
- In each case q faithful reporter vii
insert the words. cloud laughter" at Ii.
point indicated By daahes.
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

friend who met him, you win kill Aethtny.'
1t survived down to the middle Of the last
century, and even in our own time @. b.
Shaw has attempted to galyanize it into fresh
life. But the joke is really dead.
The lawyer joke, also q good one In its
day, is not, think, 50 old but our grand
invited to attend the funeral Of q solicitor,
expressed his surprise that solicitors had
funerals. II always thought" he said,
that when q solicitor died his body was shut
up in . room for the night and was found
next morning to have disappeared, leaving q
smell OF sulphur tnd birthstone in the
house." The devil has him now to q GER
tainty." said another gentleman on hearing
of the death Of his family solicitor. When
some one demonstrated with him for his
want Of charity, he replied, "Well. If the
devil hasn't got him I don't see the use
Of keeping Q devil at ALL" For US the law
yer joke Is dead. There is, Of course. al
ways something comic in the idea Of the
devil getting any one, though it is hard to
say why, for the thing Is serious enough.
But We no longer burst into merriment at
the thought of lawyer "a the victim.
In the Middle Ages the priest or monk
joke was very popular and survived until
quite recent times in an attenuated form,
with curate o. the central figure. But
the curate joke n moribund, In spite of the
egg which ID good In parts. No one can be
quite sure now Of getting laugh By men
tioning q curate, though the tradition that
ladies make slippers for curates still sur
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

1t was all different. didn't dare explain to
sybn when she looked 50 furious"
The gentle fraud turned asain-to sybil
looking more furious still
At the sight Of It that tremuIous now Of
excuse died away. The Victorian aunt fal-
tered she took refuge in the weapon
Of her times weapon even now not with
out efficacy.
Tears!
With a choking little apology, and FUN
bling in the breast of that gra silk shirt
for a handkerchief. she sidled oat Of the
drawing room.
"I Say exclaimed young Wye. panic
stricken at this sight Of an unfamiliar arm.
II say. I'm 80 mad sorry, /"
Its you I'm sorry for retorted the
flushed and distracted sybil. "Auntie 10 A.
q disgrace~
But, good Lord. she was crying" urged
the warrior, gazing A,iserably at the door Of
edt. "I say, Miss Ashton! Go to her, won't
your Explain to her that As far's I'm con-
cerned Heatens above! It's only
you ladies was worrying about! As for the
darned old action-iibel, indeed! was pull.
ing that managers leg the whole time. There
won't be another word said, Of courser
His eyes met the girls eyes, met, hnssred.
An edd thing happened; an abrupt
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01
GREEN LANTERNS

avenue, then westward to the railroad
station. 1t was not yet dark. but the
factories along the way were great fort
resses of light. facading the dusk. The
light from the Benedict plant radiated to
the railway roadbed as we came to the
platform. Step by step we went with
Kenneth winnerly, living again those
moments when we had found Benedict.
He measured distances with. his eve IN
the way of engineers ere he walked
down the track to the bridge. He halted
again. looking up at the tower. He beck
oned to US. and we followed him up the
stairs.
A stout. middle aged man opened the
door grudgingly. What do yoh want?"
he growled at u.s. Are you the night
tower mann winnerly asked him. NO."
he shouted. who ts?" Tom Foran."
he exploded, and shut the door In our
faces.
Justin and I started back to the plat
form, but winneriy halted u.s. This Is
a short cut" he said, and led us across
the stretch Of ground that backed to Fo-
rams shack.
The old man nung back the door In
answer to winnerly's knock. He looked
at winnerly and Justin without curf-
him. Mr.. winnerly is trying to nnd out
more about the murder of Mr.. Benedict"
1 explained. "and he thought that, since
you are on duty in the tower at night,
you might have seen something that will
lead US to the truth about it" -
He motioned US to the, few chairs that
ranged around the room where his wife
had lain dead when I had been. in 1t only
the day before. He had the queer, burned
out look of a man who has lived his life
and who waits with sodden patience for
death to claim him. His eyes seemed to
be looking far beyond US as he answered
winnerly's question of what he knew Of
Benedict's murder.
Il know all about it," he said.
will you tell us?" winnerly asked
him.
There's not so much to tell" he said.
his toneless old voice striking against
the bare walls of the room. I've known
Benedict since he came to StaIey's Bend.
That was twenty nine years ago in April.
/ was the contract inspector for that sec
tion. I'd been married just the year be-
fore, and we'd fixed up the house the
way folks do when they're young. and
happy, and loving each other. Lily-she
was my wife-and I had known each
other since we were boy and girl in Iowa
She"
What was her name?" winnerly in
quired.
"Lily-Lily Davis"
20. yes" said winnerly. And then
Benedict came?"
He was one OF the contractors. He
seemed to take a liking to me, and We
grew to be friends. He used to come
up to the house because we were sorry
for him. living in the camp and liking
it none too we'll. I never thought any
thing about it. 1t was the way of the
West in those days. anyhow. and Lily
and I said to each other that we had
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01
The Ruling Habh
IN BOSTON they tell this story Of , c

N BUsIUN they tell this story Of q car
= tain sbsent- minded professor:
One evening he appeared in the drsvinf
room ready TO escort his win 30 the theatre.
''Dearie," said abe, IT an not at an
pleased with that de you are wearing.
Please % upstairs and Nchsnss to Q black
one"
Very obediently the profes- " went up 10
do a. directed. After many minutes Of i'm
patient waiting the wife followed. His de
removed, the professor had absent n!pdedly
continued th. undressing proeesS. and a. his
spouse entered he climbed placidy into bsk
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01
The Endurance of Jokes; Only Two the Worldly

SsO9dE oNB-I think he wss . professor
~ Of Eagiish literature encs said that
there are only tvo jokes In the worid-the
drunksn man joSe and the mother In law
IKE. There are, 50 he admitted. many
yariatisus Of the two themes, many ways Of
presenting the two supremely comic figures;
but when we want TO make each other laugh
We always 70 back either to the drunken
man or to the mother law.
The statement IL an eIaggeration. There
are other jokes. The curate's egg joke, for
instance, which has nothing to do either with
srunkards or mothers In law, and the more
,,c.nt Better Ole" joke. But 1t remains to
4. seen whether either Of these jokes viii
mrytye, win amuse generation after genera
t;on as the two great jokes do. For the
sr,nken man and the mother in law are very
.ld Jokes. They have proved their worth BY
nroyokinr laughter for Thousands Of years,
and they are still the most popular jokes
th.r. are. A comedian impersonating Q
d,rnkard Il sure of his laugh, and public
sn.aker. finding his audience L. getting bored,
has only TO say the words mother in law
20 proyoke full -throated merriment.
OF the two the drunken man joke seems to
hs the older. The Spartans knew Il, and used
20 make slaves drunk % that their sons,
laughing heartily, might avoid the vics
throush fear of ridicule. The Jews knew It.
Their ancient literature II singulariy poor
In comedy. There are not half dozen jokes
n the whole, Old Testament, but the drunken
man Joke 10 there. Isaiah, q grim old puri-
tan ef statssman, made 1t, and made 1t IN
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

and work hard and faithful. but money
don't come to my kind, I'd have made
It for her. IL I'd known how, but all
could do was hold the tower job. and
watch that big plant crawling down the
street. Day after day I'd see John Bene-
dict passing, first in his carriages. then
in his automobiles. Sometimes Lily saw
him. but not often She kept to herself
so that she wouldn't be in danger of
meeting him. Shed watch me when I'd
90 out at odd times. as IL she were ask
ing me not to do anything that would
hurt her."
"Did she care for Benedict even then?"
Care for him?" He turned on Win
nerly with a sudden fash of fre in his
embered eyes. she hated him as
couldn't hate him, for once she'd loved
him! No. she'd have killed him IL she'd
dared. but she was afraid She was al
ways afraid after she'd been with, him.
That was what he did to people"
Justin nodded assent to winneriy N
Tom Foran returned to events from anal
ysis. falling back into that strange clair
voyant manner Of narrative
"I used to sit In the tower there Of
nights. waiting for the limiteds and To-
calls. and look out on the lights Of the
plant where men and women worked TO
make John Benedict richer. I'd think
how he had everything. and Lily had
nothing, and I'd say to myself that the
day would come when he'd pay me for
what he'd done to her The day came
when Lily died"
That was three days back. She'd been
sick for a long time, but she was never
10 dad har
as best could, but the doctor told me a
week back that there was no hope. rnes
/ knew that I'd soon have the reckoning
to make. had to keep her from guess
ing II, though. She might have made me
promise not to touch him. But she went
away without asking me. All she said
was. I'll be waiting for you, Tom. Come
SOON"
His old eyes seemed to be looking be-
yond US, beyond the bare walls beyond
space. as IL they gazed into other eyes
that met and answered their tenderness.
Some power so impelling brooded over US
all that knew why Justin set his hand
over mine and why tears glistened in
Kenneth Winnerly's eyes. We knew that,
for all the simple candor of its telling,
we stood in the presence of a great love.
twisted though it would prove to be irto
revenge we were all silent TOT lons
time. Then Tom Foran went back to
his story.
Il telephoned to Benedict that morn
ing. l said to him. I'm Tom Foran. He
gasped and spluttered into the telephon".
I live in the shack down Doane street
next to the river. / told him. I want
you to come at o'clock tonight. II you
don't come to me then I'll go to you
another time He didn't say q word, but
/ knew he'd come.
1T was half past when he came.
The Timber Wolf Special goes through at
s:51. let her by and set the signals.
The Sunset Trail Limited comes next, at
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

happiness enough to spare a little BIT for
the lonely fellows who drifted along"
He paused az IL he pondered upon the
too brief spell Of those days while Win
nerly watched him with considering at
tention and Justin and with brcathless
wonder. One day I went home from
work." he went on. "and found that Lily
had gone away-with Benedict"
What did you do?" winnerly ques-
toned.
What can man do? hadn't made
her happy. I figured. and he might, and
SO left them to work It out. I got a
divorce and notified her of it. and let
her know she could take back her name
of Lily Davis"
That was why Benedict left her the
money under that name" Justin mur-
INJURED to me.
Il thought he'd marry her when he
heard he could. But he didn't. He tired
Of her, and he offered to give her ten
thousand dollsrs-he was making a lot
of money by that time-if she'd leave
him. She left him. but she wouldn't take
any OF his money"
g. where did she GOT"
She came back to me-
~And you took herr #ws
what else could dor He stared at
US each in turn. Il always loved Lily
"And Benedict" 80
His old face hardened. The night she
came back, I told her I'd Kill him. she
begged me not to. It wasn't that she
loved him then. But he'd broken her
in the time she'd been with him. She'd
grown afraid. afraid OF everything in
the world but me. Shed say to me. Tom.
IL you kill John Benedict, they'll take
you for II, and hang you used t" tell
her that didn't care. that I'd be willing
to die as long as I'd sent him rut ahead
Of me and he knew why I'd done 1t.
But she'd say, Tom, II they. hang you,
there won't be any one in the whole wide
world to care about me, and what'l be-
come of me So didn't say anything to
her after awhile about killing BEN dict
but made a vow to myself, that IL Lily
died before me. I'd give him the death
he deserved" --.-. -- O. --'--. a'--. 80.
why didn't you kill him when he'd
first taken your wife ," winnerly asked.
II thought she loved him and he loved
her. and would be good to her When
he treated her the way he did. flung her
away when he tired of her. as IL she'd
been. God, / had to kill -htm!"
"when.did you come here?'
Twenty years ago. l always kept my
eye on Benedict. He moved out OF Sta
e. ley's Bend because i knew that Lily
couldn't stand it there after every one
knew about her and Benedict. We went
to Denver. Then Benedict moved East
and ! followed him. Lily guessed why
/ came but she wasn't sure till / got
this job in the tower and settled down
here in front of Benedict's factory.
For twenty years I've watched II
grow. stone on stone, and acre on acre.
For twenty years I've watched John Ben
edict grow rich while I've seen Lily
growing poorer and poorer. I was never
. man that could make money. ! work.
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01
CONTINUED FROM PAGE THREE.

OoNIlNUED Fhoh fA6E IhhEn.
nothing else. no one else. while you stood
over Benedict's body?"
The switch lights shifted. That was
ALL"
where are theyr'
In the semaphore arms on the Car
penter side Of the bridge" Justin ex-
planned.
From where are they operated?"
From the tower near the bridge"
-on the Carpenter side of the riyer?'
Yes"
How are they operatedT'
There's q tower man.
Gould he have seen you from the
tower?"
Why, of course"
"And he didn't Gomez
He gave no sign"
Who Is hep
AN old man who'd had the job for
years and years. I think his name is
Foran. He lives in . little hut on Doane
street"
Perhaps he didn't see US at ALL" I
said. His wife had died that day. 1t
was to their house ! went, Mr.. winnerly.
when left the settlement"
"And you didn't get in?'
He rose with alacrity surprising In 30
big a man. We're going out to look
over the ground he said. He reached
for his ulster as Rothan returned "One
Of the men telephoned to me from the
Probate court" he said. that the Bene-
dict will has just been filed. 1t leaves
everything he had to woman named
Lily Davis"
"Relative?"
Apparently not 1t directs that $4,000
You might go to Benedict's lawyers.
Rothan. while I'm out and ask them II
they want US to take the job for ten
thousand"
Tt might cost US more than that"
1T might" he said.
He drove his own car. a powerful road
ster. steering It with amazing skill while
he kept up a running commentary on the
panorama of the city that unfolded itself
as we went northward. Like grand
mother. he had known its beginnings Un-
like her, he knew its ramihcations, and
his comments CLEANED with knowledge OF
events and men, touched by a certain dry
humor.
/ was glad to see that his talk was
taking Justin out of himself, for he had
been strangely gloomy when had met
him in Winnerly's ofice, and I dreaded
lest he lose his lighting spirit. Why.
o. why. didn't Natalie come to him? I
revolved the thought as tried to keep
my attention on the older mans conver-
sation until realized that had brought
myself into blazing anger against her.
Then. with a sigh. I told myself that
their adjustment of their lives was her
and Justin's affair. not mine. All that I
could do was hold faith in him and give
help to him until he had proven to the
world and Natalie what he need not prove
to me.
We ran through the park to Carpenter
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01

chief Of mine Hs-Mr. wye-s setnr Best
swfully kind about all this thsts
better bot suntis. d wish you'd
tell me one thing
-wuh-vhat, 6sarest-r
.why. why did yvu m upsa him --sns
found herself blushing for no rsssoo-"st
all people, as the subject Of tAi,-this sp-
paIling e1periment7'
-Becanse,- sghed the sptnstsr aunt On he
bscktsw Of sob. because knew hss uncle.
mean ! danced with him encs-
He wuh-was - good looking as this en&
Perhaps all Arthurs are. rather.
And somehow. sybl, wbsn You Just men
toned. casually. this eoes name After you'd
been to that house. ~ bub-erouGht n IN back.
A silly old vonan's dream. 6earsst I-+
thought rl lfks 10 80 what thess to names
looked like in print tosethsr. Don't
sceld me, sybr.-
The Eiri Of a sturdier type w.s melted now.
You absurd Old darhns-rm sst going -
scoi6-
-Then.- took up. din6snry. ths woman q
q generation that did somettnss gain tn
ends. against odds, then vfn you. dearest
please ask this Mr.. wye TO stay 70 iunohf-
After all. 700 So the marriage v.s a.
to-gzssas: 1871: ~ - cs-.ss rrs-i
The Washington herald., 1921-05-01
IContinued from preceding pssel

rContinued from preceding pagel
seen any one 50 completely panic stricken.
Ny dearest child you went?".
Yes, and not much satisfaction did We
get out Of the fellow. though think we put
the wind up him rather" young Wye tried
TO carry it OF with laugh, when told
him that intended to bring an action for
libel
This word broke OF on . staccato note. A
surprising change had come into the meek
face under the gray hair net and the elder
Miss Ashton gasped again.
Libel? o. no. you can't do that. You
mustn't do anything Of the kind You can't
can't bring any action"
But auntie. certainly. Why not7"
Auntie, breathless and crimson; auntie,
clutching at the silver chain for her eye
glasses; auntie, Of all people. brought out this
paralyzing announcement
-B-soeeause. you see. sent that an
nouneement to the paper myself"
A seconds indescribable pause.
Blank anguish on the face Of the girl.
In the eyes Of the young man, a dawning
and dismsyed sympathy.
Poor lady! He saw 1t all. OF course! This.
the only relative apparently, belonging TO
tkis particularly attractive girl, Miss Sybn
The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1921-09-01
Use More coconut Fat

For many years past the worlds
production Of animal fats has been
steadily diminishing. Lack OF such
fats spelled famine Ii Europe during
the war, when great quantities Of
them were Withdrawn. from human use
to make glycerin for high explosives.
Even now, and In this country, there
Is an insuflciency OF animal fats las
Indicated by the price Of butter) and
to make good the shortage coconut
OH Is imported IN enormous Quanti-
ties. During the last year 846, 787,013
pounds Of this oil were brought into
the United States.
The oil Is largely used In cooking
fat, but also IN the manufacture Of
nut butter, candles, soap and cos
medcs. Il ID said to be an excellent
substitute Tor cod liver Oh, being high
" Ngestible and with the advantage
OF an agreeable flavor. AT ordinary
temperature coconut al A q white.
butterlike solid. I
The new '.meatgpp ! dried IN the
sun before shipment from the tropical
countries, where coconuts are grown.
II this shape the natarial II called
copra. The OIL ID extracted BY power
III hydraulic pressed, TIE yield beng
& to 10 Mr. cent q the weight Of the;
ccptaKansas OiN 6tar.
The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1921-09-01
"QuAkERs" MERELY IN NAME
eeet In RUSSIA Of Doubtful Origin,
Has Little In Common With
the Parent Body.

ET--..a.
In consequence Of the recent re-
vived interest in Quakerism on the con-
tinent Of Burope-25O years ago there
were numerous Friendly settlements
throughout Holland, Germany and the
pale" Of Russia-the international
service has been granted power by the
London yearly meeting to accept ap-
plicants for membership after receiv-
Ing reports from their relief workers.
The latest to be thus received, says
the Manchester Guardian, IL Countess
Olga Tolstoy, daughter-in-law Of Leo
Tolstoy. She has long been interested
In the Friends, and the recent renewal
Of the Quaker activities in Russia has
made 1t possible for her to get into
direct communication with English
Friends. Among some Of the smaller
Russian sects there is one whose men,
bers are known as "Quakers." They
are apparently the descendants Of
some i%tinerant preacher Of the seven
teenth century, but they seem to have
no direct knowledge OF their origin,
and lack Of touch with the parent
body has led to variations in doctrine
and practice which today have left
little but the name as q link.
The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1921-09-01
HELPS SOUTH SEA NATIVES
School Founded by English Woman
Has Been Of Benefit In IncuIeat-
ing Self Reliance.

North Of Fiji, In one Of the islands
OF the Ellice group Of the South seas,
education Of a practical nature has
been going on, and q deserted coral
island has been the scene Of q school
for girls where not only the ordinary
curriculum of European schools has
been in force but house-building,
boating and other necessary arts OF q
Robinson Crusoe life. When the
school was started there was not an
other living person on the island Of
Papaelise, which is an enchanting
island, three-quarters Of a mile long
and about a hundred yards in width,
its shores surrounded by coral reefs
and the bluest Of blue seas.
The school vas started by an Eng
lishwoman, Miss Joliffe, In 1912, and
she has been the head In this island
Of learning in the South seas till the
present time, when she felt 1t was time
to take q holiday. Devoted to her
girls as they r to her, she tells Of
their ~self-reliance and capability. They
built their own houses and dormitories
with the help Of q few native men,
whose services were shortly dispensed
with, and only q old man retained
to help In the cock plantations. There
are about 1900 coconut trees on the
island and the girls look after them.
The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1921-09-01
OF COURSE IT WASN'T TRUE.
Good Illustration Of German charao.
ter In Simplicity Displayed by
Soldier In France.

One American who remained ut
Lille during the German occupation
used his time to study German charac-.
ter. He told Mrs. Corinna 81. Smith
and Mrs. Caroline r. Hill, authors Of
Rising Above the Ruins in France"
d astonishing thing that he had no.
ticed-the childish u~nreasoning conf
dence that the German soldier had In
whatever he was told by his superb
ors-and he gave this example Of it.
II knew German" he said, land one
day I talked with a German sentry
who was standing over some French
civilians at work In q field. He was
reading q newspaper and, turning to
me, said Indignantly, The French say
we force civilians to work against
their will. That's not true; this Ger
man paper denies it.
II looked at him in amazement and
asked, Well, what are you doing your
SELF, standing here with your gun over
these poor peopler
II ! did not was his naive answer.
they would run away"