Evening star., 1921-04-24
THE GOLD BRICK TWINS

, would take him in hand and begin givin'
| him the treatments. Inside Of two weeks
he'd be hirin' q fluffy blonde to teach
him the fox trot and his wife back home
| would be consultin' an alimony spe-
cialist l never saw SO many human
pretzels converted into animal crackers
| in my whole life before.
For persons in our line OF endeavor
it was certainly a lovely spot to be
at The place was as wide open as
oysters on the half shell. Everywhere
you looked you could see wise guys
from the city in the act OF bein' trim
med by suckers from the high grass.
Not since the old days when l worked
the shells with a wagon circus that
carried it's own troupe of porch climb
ers and let out the safe blowing privi-
lege to the highest bidder have l seen
the plums hangin' so low and the pip
pins so easy to pick. For three
took in coin with both hands; the
trouble was that We let it go with
both hands. too. We couldn't figure
how the crop would ever run short.
for the harvest was most plentiful
and the reapers. they was few.
But you can't always tell. All Of
sudden something happens There's
change Of city administrations, and
no sooner does the new crowd get
into Office than they start house
word goes out to close the dampers
and bank the fires. One or two hardy
adventures disregards the gypsy's
! warning, whereupon grand jury
leaps upon them with shrill cries, and
inside of four weeks they're bein
measured for nobby outfits Of striped
suitin's at an institution for the pro-
motion of indoor occupations run by
the state. So me and Sweet Caps Kid
takes advantage of this period Of en-
forced inactivity to hold a consulta-
tion.
'Sweety.' l says to him, something
Seems to inform me it's our next
move. Personally l have no desire.
says, to have large. coarse crea-
ture called a deputy warden standin'
chair bottoms. Any time 1 need a
haircut l want to be able to pick my
own barber. Let us, i says. proceed
to show these Jealous reformers that
syrup into surreptitious. Let US go
hence with all the silent yet sincere
alacrity of hot sorghum runnin' out
OF leaky jimmyjohn.'
+ i: y
ECWEET CAPS. he sees the wisdom
of my remarks and he allows
we can't be startin' too soon to suit
him. But the main drawback to our
mappin' out an extensive travelin
debauch is that we're down SO close
to the cloth. We've been fritterin
our substance away on frivolities,
when We should have been buryin' it
in 4 preserve jar back Of the smoke
house. So we compromises on a short.
quick trip to the city of Hot Springs.
in the state Of Arkansas. pronounced
by the home folks Arkansaw, the 'sas'
being silent as in juniper and the
saw bein' prominent as in planin'-
mill. We departs. therefore. in a
speedy and unostentatious manner.
We'll. sir. it certainly looks like
cause we arrives just twenty-four
hours behind another reform wave
For persons in our perfeSsion there Is
positively absolutely nothin' doin'.
The only doormat in town with a
Welcome sign on it is the one in
front of the county Jail.
Sweet Caps undertakes to horn his
way into one of the leadin' card clubs,
with view to replenishin' our ex-
ehequer by a little judicial play at
faro and kindred sports. They throws
him out twice and ne goes back for
the third time-and the doorkeeper
climbs a-straddle Of his neck and
rides him all the way down the front
steps, clear across the sidewalk, out
into the street. and leaves his mussed
And then it seems to dawn on Sweet
Caps that they really don't want him
there. So he takes the gentle Mint
and comes away.
In quiet by-way openin' or one Of the
main thoroughfares we rigs up a sim
pie little green baize table and produces
the educated pasteboards, our intent
bein' to teach the trustin' souls Of them
pastoral wilds the Three Card Montes-
Sori system for the education Of our
little ones The understandin' is that
I'm to do tho ridiin' and Sweet Caps
had time to make n,ore'n ono paAs up
comes q bull disguised as a plain
clothes native. reinforced by a whole
passed. OF the tnfuriated pea8antry, and
they chases rs four or i've blocks
After that conditions continue to
we.re down to 4 small stack Of thin
white chips. Jltney BY jitney our little
hoard vanishes from US. All summer
I've been burnfn' up those large dark
brown imported Havana back-logs at
forty cents each. The best 1 can do
lor myself now is to blow nickel
about once in so often for Peter
Panatela. the cigar that never grew
up. Domestic good. they are. too. and
I'm no domestic. / belong to one of
the learned callin's
We amt eatin' with our accustomed
regularity. neither. don't scarcely
remember a time when toothpicks plays
such small part in my daily life. We
feels that We arc indulgin' In a spell
OF unbridled extravagance any time We
spent . dime for a crock Of Chilly
Con Carney. which is . Mexican dish
named for an Irishman. And the Chilly
part IL stuck on for a joke. because
the taste. ] never knew before red
pepper could be a blessin' in disguise.
HINE used to go up against the
Greaser uprisin' for dinner. At
breakfast time and lunch time we'd
bestow our patronage upon the free
lunch emporiums. That is to say. we
did SO at first. We'd drop into a sa-
loon. all organized to accept anything
that might be passed out. except the
bar check. But 1t wasn't long before
The lookout got to know US. and no
sooner had we breezed through the
swingin' doors than he'd throw his
protectin' form between US and the
cracker jar and start whistlin' for the
bouncer. Whereupon we would with
draw in an abrupt but dignified man.
ner and go for long walk on an
empty stomach. meanwhile broodin'
upon them happy. happy days when
we ct only white meat. with q little
OF the dressin', and throwed the Sec
ond joint and drumstick away.
We has ample time for all such
bitter reflections. There we are. us
two. both of us. me and him. marooned
on a desert island in the midst of
plenty-two poor little famishin'
grasshoppers from the effete east en-
tirely surrounded by thrifty but high
ly inhospitable ants. I hadn't heard
about the fable up to this time. but as