Putnam patriot., 1921-05-27
PAT PUTNAM TRIES HIS UNIFORM

Well. Msadella. here il is almost
Decoration Day and time to get cut
the old uniform and march with the
boys. And right here, Maudella, let
me tell you that's not such a cinch as
it seems got the notice from the
A. L.-meaniug American Legion
the other night. and right away went
up to the attic and bumped By bald
spot around in the dark trying 10 find
the trunk where Ma had laid the hero
stuff in mothballs when | came back
from the war, You know. Ma always
thinks that when it comes TO me and
Pershing, Pershine's only flivver and
] won the war. Wouldn't il be a shame
if anyone ever told her what a cor
poral in the Q. NJ had 70 do over
there? But the dear old lady thinks
her one and only broke the linden
berg line all alone and certainly
won't break the sad news TO her that
| was only almost in France-mean-
ing Bordeaux-and that instead of
scalping Huns spent about ten
months pairing spuds in a rest camp.
Oh boy. wasn't it a great war. though
Well. as | was saying. Maudella. |
brought the old olive drab down from
the attic and il took the whole family
to get me into it. You see. it's differ
ent with US fellows. When something
doesn't fit you girls. all you have to do
is let out a tuck or a hem or cut some
thing on the bias and you've got a uni
form that'll do for most any old war.
Well, first | put on the trousers-you
remember, they used to look like
boomers on me. Well. Maudella, !
fill 'em right up to the limit now and
with no room to spare at all. And
when | tried TO button 'em around the
waist--well, | felt like saying. "0h,
death, where is thy sting?" After tus-
sling about for five minutes pulling
away and hunting for waist line that
| lost somewhere between here and
the Armistice. calls for Bill and Bill
he pulls one side and pulls the other
but il amt no use at all. So Bill calls
Patty and she pulls on the left wing
and Bill on the right with me being
attacked in the center and. finally,
about the time | was ready to yell
"Kamerad," the old button clicked
and held.
Then ! tried the blouse Remem-
Der me in that blouse, Maudella Gosh,
but was some guy. it fitted me like
the paper on the wall. Well, some
things happened to the wall, Maud
ella. for there amt enough paper for
the wall any more. Maudella. The
shoulders are all right, Maudella. but
oh. the front Of it, deayie ! button
ed the collar and Patty was all for tax
ing me to the Day Kimball. but
stood my ground wishing for a gas
mask and no help in sight. Then !
buttoned the first button-golly, but
il hurt and then the second, and then
the third, and finally the fourth, and
there ! stood looking like William Jen-
nings Bryan posing for Boy Scout.
Now, Maudella. if you'd been in the
army, there's one thing you'd have
learned and that is that roll puttees
go on before your blouse. But do you
know, Maudella. there | was in the
blouse and the trousers and no leg
gings on. So tried to bend bpt when
did something ripped and nearly
sers, Maudella, would not stand to
bend and so | had to let Bill do il and
sorry job he made of II. You see,
Bill was in the navy. as you may re-
member. and the things on a sailor .
legs are as loose as the puts an sol