davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

very prevalent at that time Of the
year. Besides. he did not want
the British doublecrossing him
either. .
The river was filled with icei
Tho same men who all tho soft
drink glasses at Coney Island in
the Summertime must have filed
this river. The water flashed all
over Georges rousers as he stood
in tho bow Of tho boat, and the
frigid winds fross the same. His
trousers being baggy the parlor
humorist IN the boat referred to
them a. ice bags. Strange that
this funny fellow should be in tho
stern.
Tho boat holding our great Gem
eral was CALLED "Rye," after An old
Indian who lived away out in In
diana, and It was an inspiriting
sight to 500 tho waves rockin' Rye
and to SEQ George standing erect
in his masquerade SUIT with his left
hand stuck inside Of his coat up,
holding tho Constitution Of the
United 6tates, |
When he landed on the opposite
banks and his soldiers scrambled
out there seemed to ha q run on
the bank, and this resulted In cap+
turing one thousand British sold
iers. In connection with this cpl
sode It may be said that George
Washington is really responsible
for aerial warfare, for even In this
early day he made tho Hessians n.y.
The enemy had been drinking and
celebrating the Yule holiday
Washington had hung up his
Christmas stocking. as It were. and
the British commander had put his
foot in 1t.
Washington's manoeuverins was
quite a surprise 20 the bunch of
British generals who had already
packed their portmanteaus preparaI
tory to going home and gloating
over their victories. When they
learned that the Daddy Of his
Country had captured many OF
their soldiers they had to unpack
again their pajamas, toothbrushes.
military brushes and other pieces
Of ordnance and hurry back to the
firing line to fire few of the CON-
uaandars who had erred so gravely.
Graat Britain RiRhtS Rasoryed
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

an he say: II said eet noting an
prove eet by da stenog which
make eet by da shorthands down
on da pape. say eet ees fine day
for da confer an we are all glat
to be wit da Pres. and Onk Sam
an Wash. C. d.. she ees da fine cit.
an eet ees too bad we have to have
wars an da last war she ees bad
war an Wash monuments ees tree
hundred feets high an a mustard
plaster ees good for cold on da
lungs and hooray for Onk Sam an
that's all say eet by da confer"
He is smooth Teller, Lloyd Gorge.
He ees foolish lika da fox. Eef he
say anything he ees sorry for. he ees
glad Of eet. He maka all da brick
yards stop work so da Irish they
have no ammunish.
For two weeks benin last da
beega guys they come and get well
come by da Mayor by da ceety hall
an they ees all dress OPP lika
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

mooch. an Sen. Osker Under
clothes, she ees there. an Sir
Oliver Cabot Lodge from Masschu-
sits, also an then some.
An da chair. he get OPP and he
say What ees next in ORDER" he
say.
Il order ten moro shoot boats"
say da gentleman from Japanese.
shot OPP" say da delegate from
Chiny. "All shoot boat shall be
melt up for nat irons for da laun-
drys."
"One by . time each" say da
chair making . knock wit da
gravel on da table. Nov an in
favor sinking all shoot boat and
trowing away all gun. please rise
opp. please. What's da matter you
have all gotta skiattickal rheuma-
tism, yes! Nobody can STAN BY da
feet ONT"
Da gentlman from Switzerland
he get CPD and stand.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
The Days Of Chivalry---And Now!

TN the olden days Sir Launcelot
Jared forth on his horse dressed
= in q cast iron coal stove. loaded
down with 800 pounds Of log
chain, stool gloves and wrought
iron bonnet which pulled down
over his map when there was any
jousting going on.
Upon his arm he wore the co1ors
Of his lady fair and with a few
swigs of hooch beneath his belt
he was ready to face the world and
night for said lady. n
He meets Sir Ichabod and a. was
the custom In those days Sir Icha-
bod remarked: "Your friend. Mis-
tress Jessica, looks like q circus
freak. you could hang stew kettle
on her nose. II your lady had to
depend upon her face for a living
she would starve to death in three
minutes. My lady, Imogene. Is the
fairest in the land"
Them is harsh words" screamed
Sir Launcelot Them Is fighting
Words
POUNDS, gadzooks and odds bod
dikins, to the Joust, varlot," roared
Sir Ichabod. And they went to 1t.
How the horses charged and how
the sparks few from the armors
when struck by the jousting spear.
There were only two Interrupt
lions in the fight before dinner. Sir
Ichabod had his plume knocked of
and he had to get down and get 1t.
His varlots hoisted him onto his
horse again with a derrick. Sir
Launcelot asked for time. He felt
for his eating tobacco. but couldn't
get 1t because It was under his
sheet iron suit.
What say you, son OF a cobra.
shall we repair to yon drug store,
in the back room OF which they
serve a mighty nne brand Of prohL
bition hoochf"
I'VE are lighting for tho ladies,
- I shall 60 with you" roared Sir
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

You got no shoot boats no.
how" say da chair. MAKE cot .
sit down. Does anybody wanta
made eet d. spitchf"
Seventeen nations rise OPP IKE
one mans and they all maka d.
spitch by once. Every other TELLER.
she has got uniform on an Get look
lika dress parade. Those boys they
no want to gsev OBJ them uniform
for disarmament Not yet They
ees too distingish.
So when all spitches. abe ees
made. da chair no say What shall
We do next for disarmf"
Il maka da move we adjourn
say somebody cen da back scat
"Da movement she carry" say da
chair. "Da train she leave every
hour by Now York"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
Our Own Historical Gallerv---

THIS life-lfke painting was
done by K. Smearsitt. The
painting ought to be done for
1T has been under fire for a long
time. Smearsitt's feelings 1--WE al
lude to them as feelings instead of
etchings because they are pro
nounced by critics to be up to the
scratch) all are admired through
out the length and breadth and
depth OF the land and elsewhere.
Had this artists character only
been half as strong as the odor of
his paints he would not have gone
down to q drunkard's grave to
paint q few trees which were grow
ing around 1t. We do not know
who the drunkard was, but he must
have been dead for he was buried
in the grave. But SmeaNitt was a
chronic inebriate and IT. was often
said of him that he had to be half
seas over before he could conceive
some of his excellent marines.
His oceans wero 10 natural no a.
ways had to put On q rubber coat
when painting them. He was tho
FIRST artist, after prohibition. who
put the gal, in gallery. and fire.
quently II was more than one gal.
His favorite studies were schoon-
ers, and night after night he would
sit in saloons studying them.
He was very stewed-ious, always.
His drawings we're always popu-
lar with his crowd, particularly
when he drew cori1s. His picture,
Painting the Town Red" was so
realistic 1t has frequently been mis-
taken for a slab Of CONCEALED cat
sup.
At the age of sirty-nine he was
paralyzed, but went right on paint
ing after he sobered up again. His
masterpiece is Washington Cross
ing the Del" To hook at the pict-
ure is enough to make anyone
cross, and the history of the event
portrayed ought to interest every
true American. This picture hangs
in the lobby Of the Capitol in Wash.
ington. It is very popular with the
girls. as they admire, while looking
at the river, the permanent waves.
At one period OF the Revolution
airy War Washington feared that
Howe intended TO march onto Phil
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
OF Course YouRemember Me!

I Ushp to be near neghbor every Yorke
was to be found the SWEETEST
- alleys.
beloved liberty fraternity and GOOD cb..f
had for enemies only the
numbered my friends by tho miionen women and
bad. rich poor
was popular in Winter
devoted every mirus Of existence making hap
pier place to live
held the sorey afflicted in mind
body or estate and made them forget their
trembling the
snother " 49,
paved the charming and .v,sd in
Vulnerable black traged
never wsssd day. Sundays and
Aaudays, IN fair weather and foul
vaksful slept some Door mortal b.
needing my tsndsr mnstrations.
welcomed hopb unhappy on vho
proud hotels and restaurants scornuly
hHed tho hungry with
their parohed mois 80
was the twentieth Samaritan
warmed the freezing Winter pesping Sum-
better than tons OF coal have DONE
fashioned nshtcap that brought
ing banished drowsines from the
I soothed aching heads and perked up appettss
I made the blind to and the to again
knew the Sures quickest than old Doc
Munyon.
Of poker pnochls baseball
boxing and the
liked to the shuttle dice the rustic Of
crisp bills changing hands.
loved music
of the banjo. the tney piano.
had no equal as an allround fellow
have Governors and Senators nominated
police officials by the hundred broken
have heard
the end Of time.
have listened the theatrical managers
lived
York; better than O. Henry
was that spot Of fond
Sitting Room Behind the Bar
the door that NJ
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

ade1pn1a TO Ann1hflate HIM. vnpn
George heard this It did nigh elate
him, for in his surveying days he
remembered how they used to poke
fun at the homo scales and to
think even to-day this fact carried
no weight with him. Frequently
the Continental soldiers debated In
their spare time as to which con-
tanned the greater number Of cal
ories, Washington pie or Philadel-
phia scrapple. This always amused
Washington. and now they would
soon have . chance to decide the
argument. It was thought. too,
that the outcome of this debate put
fear in the heart of Warrington
or his stomach, rather-for scrap
pie might turn out to be the better
edible food. SO he punningiy re-
ferred to It as a scrapple OF paper.
Washington wanted to cross tho
river in order to stop Howe. but as
no could only take half Of his army
It annoyed him greatly. With
those left behind was General
Charles Leo. Charlie Loo sounded
moro like tho name Of . proprietor
Of q laundry, and after no brought
tho balance Of the army over they
took tho starch out of him. There
Wa not MUCH popularity among
the soldiers on the Lee side. They
wanted the port side.
Arriving on the Jersey side Lee,
being chilled, broke into every eel
lar until he discovered in one of
them a tub OF home-brew. He
drank It dry and was frequently al
ludsd to by his soldiers as Tub
badi" Having drank tub beer he
hooped 1t up until the enemy cap
tured him and threw him into the
jug. Lees army, at hearing of the
capture Of their leader, were led
by General Circumstances TO Wash
ington. reinforcing his gang to a
very considerable extent.
On Christmas night in 1778,
washington with twenty-five hun
dred men crossed the Delaware.
This was the spirit Of '76. Nova
days the spirit does not extend en-
tirely across the river, but is kept
within a thrse-mils limit. George
thought 1t was better to cross the
Delaware rather than have the
Delaware cross him, for floods were
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

All nations is to thees confer
except Germany and Russia and
Bulgaria and Turkey and Austria
and Hungry and eighteen or twenty
more. and they no have to sinka da
shoot boat or stop making da can
non and when everybody else
throw shoot boats and guns away
and Germany keep on maka da
shoot boat and gun, what ees 1t
then? / ask for Inflammation.
II half of da worl she ees disarm
and other half she ees maka more
shooting guns. what is 1t by which?
Then we hava da peace which ees
only one-half of one per cents. yes7
Da French she trow away shoot
iron. Da Germ he make more.
That's what put da con in do con-
fer by Wash. c. D.
ALA de beega guys they como BY
da confer. all dress OPP and no
place by which. Lloyd Gorge. he
como wit hair and eye-wink which
mean noting or mooch, eef you can
guess which 10 each. He mako da
spitch but he do not tell what he
ees talk about 50 afterwards he got
no regrets for da spitch whom he
get home by da parlorments. When
they say, Lloyd Gorge, what did
you say when you said eet, what?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

Ichabod. II know this druggist
makes this sack himself, but shall
90 with you. You shall not have
the advantage of one beaker OF rat
poison over me-"
After which they went TO II
again. Sir Ichabod landed q walloD
on Sir Launcelot and knocked him
from his charger and when he htt
the ground 1t sounded like q tn
peddler's wagon running away.
That made Sir Ichabod's lady the
fairer of the two. The varlots got
Sir Launcelot out Of his armor with
. can-opener. IL am content" said
he. ~Son1e day this armor win be
in the Metropolitan Museum IN
New York"
They both repaired to the castle
of Mistress Imogene and made
merry. Her old man was 50 tickled
that he ordered up twenty-five flag
ons of fine old sack he had bought
OF q bootlegger and in the morn
ing Sir Launcelot and Sir Ichabod
were found under the table. Sir
Launcelot's head resting on the
shoulder Of Sir Ichabod.
All, them was the days, the days
OF real chivalry, when a man would
get drunk to protect his lady.
But is chivalry dead! All. mol
II still has a kick TO It.
Just the other day a gentleman
got up in the subway and gave his
seat to lady he had never seen
before.
A man upstate carried q maiden
in his arms through a stream. but
he stubbed his toe and dropped her
with a loud splash. This incident
put quito crimp in our modern
chivalry. but not lasting one.
A man recently took his hat of
in a cheap restaurant because
there was a lady present.
No, chivalry still lives, though
its heart-beats are often very
faint
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
That Wash Conference

HOWN by Wash. @. D. they ees
have da beega confer with
da accents on da con, yes.
They maka all da shoot boats in
one heap and sink 'em. swash. just
lika that.
All da cannon they make hind
side by foreside and inside out and
melt EN- up and make 'em into
picks and shovels for moro work
by Italian boy On railroad and ct
cettera and so forth.
De army she is not do so any
more and year by next there be no
guns except by New York guns
men. Da sullivan's law she go all
over da world. just like noting. II
any nation she ees found wit q cap
pistol. she ees in disgrace. Just
lika that. No more da fre-crack by
da Fort by July and II anybody he
crack da match out loud by da seat
OF da pants, he get pinch by all
nations. who Iowa da peace.
Nobody allowed to shoot except
da burg and da porch climb and da
bootleg. All other nations ees
forbid. Eef any man ees shoota da
cat by da back fence on eet, he is
haul up by da Leg da Nations and
he go by da Sing Song jail houses.
Yes. Way ODD da Hud.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
How Doctors Know that Nuxated Iron
Helps Bring Health and Strength

TH1S little picture shows you what
i the Doctor sees through his mi
croscope when he looks at q drop of
your blood when you are tired and
rundown.
This is thin, pale, watery blood
which keeps you weak, nervous and
rundown. If you tire easily; If you
look pale, haggard and worn it would
probably astonish you to look at q
drop of your own blood undertheD Doc
tors powerful microscope and COM
pare 1t with a drop of pure, healthy
blood rich in iron. Actual blood
tests show that tremendously large
number of people who are weak and
Ill, lack iron in their blood, are i'll for
no other reason than for lack.of iron.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20
Said by a Cynic

GONE actors wooden
y in marionette theatre
man who was invited evening thought
was going to be crap game and turned
Ono to city is to move to the out
skirts OF
The girl who gets = is making what
might call loose 49,
Two things that always are twins
takes two to make quarrel but only some
thing,
The only difference between
that the secretary much you don't dare fire.
-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

Without iron the
blood at once Loses
thePower to change
food into living It's
nothing you eat
does you the prop
er amount Of good.
you don't get the
strength out OF It.
As the result Of
this blood starvs-
ton people become
4Auay,no -n.L
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

sned, nervous and al rundown and fire.
quently develop all sorts Of conditions. One
j. too thin; another 10 burdened with un-
healthy fat; some are 30 weak they can
hardly walk; some think they have dyspep-
STA, Kidney or liver trouble; some can't sleep
at night, Others are sleepy and tired ali day:
some fussy and irritable; some skinny and
bloodless. but all lack physical power and
endurance.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

exhausted nerves
q q d create n . v
nerve force. This
n most effectively
accomplished by
the free use OF Nux-
ated Iron. This
valuable product
quickly aids in en-
riching the blood
and thereby helps
Il to furnish an adj
ditional supply Of
new nerve fOrc0
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

HERE Il Q Pic
II ture OF the way
. drop Of your blood
will look under the
microscope when
you have plenty Of
good rich red blood.
Blood like this 10
always rich with
Iron. but be sure
that the iron you
take IL organic from
Anl nat ~oAs1l.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

than others. Your body normally makes
or generates nerve force only about 80 fast.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

HERE Il another
II thing the Doc
Tor could show you
under his wonder
full microscope. It
II . thin. delicate
nerve Of . person
whoisallrun-down.
Every human be-
ing IL born with .
certain quantity OF
"nerve force "
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

mineral iron which people usually take, a
metallic iron IL iron Just ~ IL comes from the
action OF strong acids on iron filings.
Organic iron Is like the iron in your blood
and Ike the iron in spinach, lentils and APP
piles. II may be had from your druggist
under the name OF Nuxated Iron. Nuxated
Iron represents organic iron In such highly
condensed form that one dose OF IL 10 esti-
mated to be approximately equivalent lin
organic iron contenD to eating one-haH
quart OF spinach, one quart Of green vege-
tables or half dozen apples. II 10 like taxi
ing extract Of beef instead OF eating pounds
~ mat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

With which to revitalizs and resenerate the
brain and nerve cells. 1t also contains q
product which represents the principal
chemical constituent Of active living nerve
force in form most nearly allied to that in
the nerve and brain cells OF man. Nuxated
Iron may therefore be said TO be both .
blood and ervefood asst furnishes strength
Important element Of the nervo-vital fluid
to the nerves. The effect Of Huxated Iron
in csses Of exhausted nerve force and inn
poverished blood Is so remarkable and sur
prising that 1t often increases the strength
and endurance Of weak, nervous, "run-
down" men and women in two week. time.
In fact, the manufacturers guarantee salts
factory results to every purchaser or they
will refund your money.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-11-20

ine Nuxated Iron.
The trem endous
success OF Nuxated
Iron ~ . tonic,
strength and blood
builder has led to
the offering OF nu-
merous substitutes
and limitations. In
vestigation shows
that many OF these
instead OF being
organic iron may
be nothing more
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1921-09-16
FOREST FIRE SWEEPS
WIDE MINNESOTA AREA
Many Homeless as Flames Destroy
Minnesota village.-Fire
Thought Checked

McGrath, Minn.-More than 20 ref.
ugees from the fire-swept area in the
vicinity of Solana and White Pine. in.
Guiding those who at noon Tuesday
were made homeless when the village
of White Pine was wiped out, are be.
ing cared for by the national guard
contingent stationed at this place.
Settlers and villagers were forced
to flee for safety when underbrush
grass and timber fires again broke
through fire lines established by the
state troops and forest rangers de.
tailed here to prevent further spread
of the forest menace.
Approximately 200 state troops in
addition TO Il large number of settlers
and citizens of the various communi.
ties In the fire zone, backfired the
underhrush and built firehreaks te
help check the fire which broke
through the lines little before noon
Tuesday. and caused the evacuation of
Solana and Arthyde, village about
II miles from here. and numbering
about l. families.
The fire was checked late Tuesday
night when again the wind died down
and gave the fire fighters an opportun.
ity To lay another fire break. which
ii is hoped will check the fire and con.
fine il within its burned area.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1921-09-16
Fire Threatens Minnesota Town.

McGrath. Minn.--Orders for Il. Co.
and service company of the Sixth
infantry, Minnesota National guard.
ST. Paul. to proceed ut once to this
vicinity to fight peat and forest fires
which Sunday threatened two villages
White Pine and Solana. near here
were issued late Sunday night by Adjt
Gen. w. +. Rhinow following confer
ence with w. T. Cox. state forester,
aud others.
The call for the guardsmen. Il was
explained. was issued TO enable men
who have been fighting the fires for
several days Ia obtain rest.
Only n favorable turn In the wind
sunday prevented the destruction of
White Pine. a blaze over a front of
a mile and half had burned to with
In eight feet of lumber piles when the
wind veered.
At Solana, north of here. the fire
burned IN within half a mile of the
village. from which virtually the entire
population had fled IN automobiles.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1921-09-16
Officers Clash With Coal Miners.

Elzabethtown, Ill.-Eight hundred
miners from Eldorado and nearby coal
fields are encamped within 81 miles of
this town, prepared to march on this
city and Rosiclare Thursday, leaders
of the men told an Associated Press
correspondent, who located their camp
Wednesday.
Reinforcements on the way from the
coal fields will bring the invading
army to more than 1000 men, it was
said.
Deputy sheriffs and private detec.
tives FLASHED with the outpost of the
miners, who held up two trucks and
three men at the Big Greek ford on the
Harrisburg road shortly before 4
O'Clock Wednesday afternoon. The
miners retreated, leaving four prison.
ers and three automobiles in the of
ficers hands.
The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, 1921-09-16
8 Escape From Toledo Jail.

Toledo.-Three men, convicted OF
conspiracy In the $1.OOO,OO0 postoffice
robbery here February II, and await.
Ing trial for alleged robbery In the
same case. escaped from the Lucas
county Jail Monday without firing a
shot.
The men are Joe Urbaytis, George
Lewis, alias George Rogers and
Charles S. Schultz. All three are de-
clared by postoffice authorities to have
been actual participants in the robbery
and were to have gone on trial early
next month.
The escape was effected by over
towering two deputy sheriffs who
were slugged by Urbaytis. DR.. VIII
liam Shapiro, Jail physician. escaped
harm by locking himself in the cell.
The fugitives walked out of the Jail
unmoles.ed after seizing four large re-
volvers from the sheriff's desk. No
trace of the convicts had been found
late Monday night