The New York herald., 1921-08-14
By DAN CAREY.

ISN'T it peculiar how a stranger can drift
into a city and in few days tell the
\ oldest inhabitants just how the place
ought to be run, what its main troubles are,
who should be elected Mayor and why the
town is on the down grade? He knows that
the cemetery is where the court house ought
to be, that the high school should be located
on the Jail site and that the library is built
on the lot that should have been selected for
the city hall. He realizes at once what is
the matter with the police force, why the
sanitary department is being criticised,
knows the things that Will improve the fire
department and can tell the most astute poll
tieian Just what to do to corral the wool hat
boys or capture the vest pocket vote
Now in the old days the stranger could
select a strategic position between Gus
ter's Last Fight" and Tn Full Cry" entwine
his fingers lovingly around glass of per
cent, rest foot upon the rail- tilt his hat
to that angle which indicates high state of
scintiliating mentality, and then proceed TO
discourse for hours upon the needs of the
city, the condition of the State the-progress
of the world and the decadence of art, litera-
ture and the sciences.
Again we remind you that the old days
are no more. If a stranger now wants to
give the community the benefit of his wis
into the vitals Of the public welfare, 1t is
necessary for him to write for the news
papers.
OF course the silver lining in this particu-
lar cloud is the fact that he is now paid by
the newspapers for that which he formerly
freely gave way
Now that we come to review the matter
calmly in the years of our maturer wisdom
we are convinced that we personally gave
away thousands of dollars worth of this
sort OF stuff before we found out it could be
sold.
What we have been leading up to is that
we have just discovered what ails New York.
The great need of the city to-day is some
thing about which we could easily mvstifv
you throughout the entire length of another
paragraph and keep you guessing untn the
last words, Just like these writer's do who
get out the letter telling you how to improve
your business, but we are not going to do
IT, We propose to come right to the point
and announce that the greatest need in
New york to-day is the formation of new
association to be known as:
THE NATIVE SONS OF OLD NEW
YORK"
This idea came to us the other day after
we had had the pleasure Of meeting Mr..
j. r Laird. assistant cashier of the Atlantic
National Bank, which is right across from
the CITY Hall on Broadway. We discovered
In the course of our conversation with Mr..
Laird that he is a native New Yorker
Il will prove it," he said "by saying that
/ was born in the Ninth ward A lot Of
persons have begun calling the place Green
Wich Village, but we old timers always know
1t as the Ninth ward
OF course we could NOT afford RI donbf
him after he had produced that kind OF
evidence, but we gave him as much Of a
shock as he gave by telling him that
there is another man living In New York
who was born in the city.
Up to the time we met Mr.. Laird we had
been going around town boasting that we
personally knew the only grown man in the
city born on Manhattan Island. and il has
given us lot of prestige to be able to make
an announcement like that. We had been
thinking that he was the only one of his
kind, and he probably thought so too until
We told him about Mr.. Laird.
Now, what these two gentlemen ought to
do is to organize THE NATIVE SONS or
OLD NEW YORK, In order to keep ont the
children they should adopt a bylaw declaring
no one eligible for membership unless he has
attained the age Of forty years. Having
thus limited the membership to themselves,
one Of them would necessarily become presi-
dent and treasurer and the other one vice
president and secretary.
We suggest, now that we have started the
organization, that the one who has the safest
place to keep the money become treasurer
and that the one who is the best hand at
writing become the secretary. but they will
have to decide among themselves which OF
them has these qualifications. Far he it
from us to dictate or even suggest.
We know there Is no such organization at
present because we have read through the
six pages of associations listed in the classi-
fed Telephone Directory beginning with the
Acacia Cemetery Association and ending
with the geological Society, and we failed to
find any organization of this kind
And so, having thus informed each gentle
man Of the existence of the other and hav-
ing suggested TO them that they meet and
organize, let us withdraw and allow them
to go into executive session.
"OU may well ask why il Is that wo
are interested in inducing these gem
tlemen to organize the new associa-
tion. Wen. there is a story about man who
went TO a grocer and said:
III you will furnish the eggs sugar and
milk I will furnish tho whiskey and we can
have some eggnog."
The grocer agreed to furnish the ingre-
dents 50 the man went TO q saloonkeeper.
'If you will furnish the whisl1ey" he said.
T will furnish tho eggs and milk, and we
will have some eggnog"