The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1921-05-12

as soon ~ begin 20 read. and my
wife comes and tells me my snoring Is
disturbing the nelghhEs."
Its that way with everything we
look forward to-" observed the hotel
keeper. sadly. MAN always will be.
hut Il never bl,st ~ some half-baked
poet remarked. Young Gooseworthy
was In here last evening. bubhling over
with happiness There wasn't any
body around. So he took me into his
confidence. He's going to marry
Gwcudolln Jimalong next month and
he's perfectly satisfied that his mar
ried life viii bee one long stretch ~
sunshine. lie seems 10 have the idea
that he's going to do something orig
lnal when be- gets married hut the
idea isn't new Men have been getting
married ever since Christopher dis.
covered Columbus. Ohio. and every
doggone man jack ~ them had the
idea that everlasting bliss was going
20 be- inauguratcd on the wedding day.
81 listened to Gooseworthy for three
hours. and hadn't the heart 10 say
anything that would dampen his en-
thuslasm. His twittering recalled the
long vanished days when was get
ting ready 90 be married. felt about
Il then Just ns he does now thought
the parson opened the gates Of para
disc when he Joined two Loving hearts.
Ny wife lived up 10 all the plans and
specifications. and was and Is one Of
the best women In the United States.
hut hadn't been married three
months before had sneaking con-
viction that the man who gets married
Is a chump.
~ good many optlmlsts say that a
married man doesn't need any more
money than single one N he marries
the right sort Of woman. hut they
might as well 90 10 the blackboard
and demonstrate that two and two
make two. instead OF four I fell for
that cheerful theory when was mar
ried. I was earning enough 10 keep
myself comfortably. and never had
any financial worries. could have
been buried for less money than II
took Ia be married. and the expenses
from that time forward were double
what they used to be. although my
wife was 50 economical she used 10
make waists and such things for her
self out OF my superannuated shirts.
"oh. doggohe Il. here isn't any un-
adulterated happiness In matrimony.
wonder that young fellows like Goose
worthy don't look around them. and
contemplate the detected appearance
OF the majority Of husbands. But even
II they did. II wouldn't do them any
good. I suppose. for they are full Of
pipe dreams. and they think the girls
they are going 20 marry are different
from all other girls. and that they will
prove exceptions 10 the general rule.
81 had wise old uncle In those hal.
cyon days and about week before
the wedding day. he backed me into a
corner aud handed me dust.proof
package Of wisdom He tried 90 lead
me into taking n sensible view Of the
future. He talked about the cares and
responsibilities that would he mine
after the wedding. and wanted 20
know IL felt equal TO them. He tried
TO show me that wasn't going 20
marry an angel. hut human being
like myself. with human beings
faults and frailties.
II let him get that far. and then ]
told him that his gray hairs alone
saved him from having his head re-
modelled. and said never wanted him
10 darken my door. and he never did.
I had 60 darken II myself. with wal
nut stain. Hut many time after
ward, I recalled his wise words and