davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
FLATLY REFUSED TO "SLIDE''
Elderly Lady's Dignity Was Hurt by
Request Made to Her by Fellow
Passenger.

She was one of those fusSy little old
women, all primped and with her hair
In a curl.
When she got aboard the street car
several men-yes, there are some who
still respect gray hairs on street car
got up and offered a seat. She ac-
cepted one gentlemanly proffer, but
didn't keep the seat long. When she
had finally found repose a woman
next to her said:
"Would you mind sliding over just
a bit, please? Then another lady can
have a seat"
Her gray-haired majesty rose to
lofty heights.
"Slide? Slider" she sputtered. Il
will not slide. 1 will arise and take
my body elsewhere"
And, suiting her actions to her words,
she arose and took her body up to the
front of the car, where her dignity
would not be assaulted by request to
slide-Indianapo News.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
ALL SETTLED

"The stork has delivered a ten
pound boy at my house." said caller
at the office of the Chiggersville Clar-
ion. Il want you to put piece about
it in your paper"
"All right" said the editor. "Tll
write snappy headline for the an
nouncement and call him a future
President of the United States"
"You needn't bother about that. His
mother and her relations have already
decided that he's going to be motion
picture star. because he has dimple
in his chin"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
FIRES ON FARMS
CAUSE BIC LOSS
Numerous Disastrous Conflagra-
tions Could Be Prevented
With Ordinary Care.
LIGHTNING IS LARGE FACTOR
Frequent Inspection of Buildings
Should Be Made and All Rubbish
and InfiammabIe Material
Removed.

prepared by the United States Department
of Agriculture.)
Farm fires cost about $2O,00O,00O a
year-$1S 166,71O in 1918 OF the fires
that year 33 per cent were from causes
classed as preventable, 81 per cent
from partly preventable causes and 30
per cent unknown but believed to have
been largely preventable. With made
luate fire-fghting equipment on farms,
fires are hard to control. Prevention
is the best way to deal with them.
Defective chimneys and fiues took
toll to the extent of S1,962, OBJ; sparks
on roofs, $1,1S1,171; careless use of
matches by smokers and others, 81
)71, 1,9S7; petroleum and it's products,
s732 OCT; and stoves, furnaces, boil
ers, and their pipes, $674,96S. The
largest item listed as partly prevent
able is lightning, $3,933,950.
Inspect Premises Frequently.
The Department of Agriculture ad-
vises a frequent looking over of the
premises to see that the buildings are
In the best practicable shape to pre-
vent and resist fire, that infiammable
rubbish is cleared away, and that
habits of safety be instilled in the
handling of matches, lamps, stoves and
kerosene and gasoline.
Gasoline has come to play an impor-
tant part in farm life that special care
should be taken to see that 1t is not
stored in inflammable buildings and is
never opened In the presence Of I'M
covered flame. If lanterns must be
used in barns, they should be kept In
good condition, set or hung in a safe
place, and never filed or lighted in
the barn. Kerosene lamps should be
examined to see that the burners are
In good condition and should never be
left where they may be upset kero-
sene and gasoline receptacles should
he kept apart, and should be so differ
ent as to avoid possibility of a mis-
take
Numerous disastrous fires are caused
by thrashing machines, both by scat
tering sparks and embers and by dust
explosions in the separators. All smoke
stacks should have spark arresters, and
the ground around the boiler should
be kept clear and wet down, if neces-
sary. Grain-dust explosions are large
ly preventable. The department has
made exhaustive studies of the sub
ject and is prepared to recommend
adequate safeguards.
Serious losses are caused by sparks
from locomotives, which ignite dry
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
!; " DdddyS
f36Eyenin8
Fairy Tale
THE TOY SHOP.
61WARY GRAHAM BONNER
- coSIherI T vISTtsn rtV,SaPts A--

Il have little shop to tell you about
this evening"" said Daddy, (which is
for children alone. 1t is simply a
back room which is something like a
stOry-bOOk full of different stories.
You're not quite sure at first which
story you'll hear about and then de-
eide you'll hear them alone by one.
st is back Of book shop which, too,
is only for children. And there Is a
mariOnette theater which means a
puppet show and little puppets-or
dolls which are worked by wires from
behind the scenes.
sometimes the marionette shows
go a-traveling just as though they
we're a real theatrical company, of
course they have to be takenl
''But 1t is the toy shop or toy room
l want to tell you about. The name
Is the Once -Upon-a-Time' toy shop.
The reason for this is because there is
a story attached to every toy, or at
least something which distinguishes it
from the usual toys.
"First there is the story-book stick
horse. This is q toy made in Italy,
for there are quaint toys from diff
ferent lands to be seen. The story
book stick horse Is like regular broom
stick a small boy would enjoy riding,
only on the top is perfectly modelled
Arabian horse, very distinguished
looking fellow with a head which is
his pride because it's not the usual
flat head given to such creatures! And
the stick Is of q gorgeous blue hue
with a red knob at the end.
There are many kinds of animals
a wonderful pair Of oxen looking like
real oxen, too. 1 wished 1 could have
obtained a pair Of real oxen at that
moment just to show them that toy
makers sometimes did know what they
looked like!
"There was black bear and. black
cat and their stOry-along with the
story of some of the other animals was
this: They were made by widows of
English soldiers who had fallen dur
ing the war. There is q factory in
England which employs only widows
Of soldiers and they Ike toys.
"Some of the toys told stories OF
national ways. For example, a scene
depicting life in the far North was
worked out in toys. There was the
Eskimo and his dogs and his sledges
his hut and his provisions and there
was also a mighty walrus with most
fascinating teeth. A toy woodchopper
and a toy lady woodchopper from
Switzerland who bent back and forth
at their work showed that in Switzer
land wood-chopping is not only work
for men!
"There are painted oil-cloth porridge
sets done by an invalid and from now
on the "Once-Upon-a-Time" toy shop
expects to have many Russian and
italian, French and other foreign toys
which will be made by the immigrants
who come to this country, and who
will want to do this work.
But the animals we're all familiar
with are perhaps as interesting as
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
YEARLY YIELDS FROM SHEEP
Compare Practically the Same as Cat
tie and Swine if Kept on
Suitable Land.

Yield of lambs and wool depend
largely upon the breed Of sheep Sc
lected. With ewes of any one of the
medium-sized mutton breeds the Unit
ed States Department of Agriculture
points out that lis per cent of lambs
can be raised, and $50 per cent is not
infrequently reached. The wool clip
varies from to IL pounds per eve.
The larger mutton breeds yield more,
as do also the fine woods, but the value
per pound Of the latter has in normal
times been less on account of the
greater proportion of grease. In COM
parison with cattle and swine, sheep
can be made to yield practically the
same net returns on the value of the
land. if well cared for, and if kept on
lands reasonably well adapted for
sheep raising.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

any-and there is story which has
to do with them too.
"a few years ago a farmers wife
found that her children were starved
in the way Of toys which she and her
husband could not afford to give them.
"But she wanted to do something
about it-and she did.
"She began making toys. Out Of old
pieces Of felt and kid she made copies
of all the animals on the farm.
'"The toy room heard of them and
now this farmers wife supplies the
toy shep with its horses and its COWS
and it's other farm animals in play
shapes!
"The business Is too much for just
this one mother so she and other
mothers in her neighborllood make
lovabIe farm animals, sell them, and
also show the city children just how
the animals on the farm really look!
"And It is a wonderful business
which perhaps even young girls could
learn to do every once in awhile and
make little extra pin money.
"For nothing would be so nice as
toys made around our country places
as they are made in the country places
In the foreign countries and then sent
to the cities.
1.-THE toy shop Is anxious to have a
Made In America sign stand for per-
fection In toyland in America too.
"But brought you each home a
souvenir"
Nick and Nancy were indeed sur
prised, when Daddy undid a package
and gave each Of them beautiful
toy horse. Each had a glorious silky
tail and Nancy started to stroke her
horses tail Immediately.
"Such nice horse and such lovely
TAIL" she said, and Nick said,
"They're a handsome pair"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
nnIx ON MAnnro.D

In one of our ancient towns which
has recently been the scene of a
pageant, a party of Americans was be-
ing conducted over the admirable abb
bey.
The age Of this part and that were
pointed out by learned attendant,
and, at length: ''That arch," said he,
may possibly go back to Alfredo and
Edward"
"Don't you like it?" said a guest
promptly.
The attendant explained that he did
not understand.
"Why are you sending it back, any.
way? Doesn't it suit your
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
imitation fig syrup.-Advertisem
DIDN'T HAVE &c HAVE PROOFS
coIored Lady Had Confidence in the
Ability C! witnesses to Sustain
Her Charge.

A southern magistrate had before
him as a complaining witness a col
ored woman who had caused to be
held a man on the charge that he had
attacked her with pair of scissors.
"He mighty neah gouged my eye
out, jedge," she said. "He poked me
in de face with them scissors, jedge,
not once, but fo' or five times. He
jest cut up my face like it was yard
of ribbon. There amt no mo dam
gerous man alive, jedge."
The magistrate looked her over.
She had a wide, smooth, yellow face
that did not have a mark on it. He
told her to repeat her story, and she
went through it again, telling how the
man had slashed her face with that
pair of scissors.
But" said the judge, there isn't
mark on your face"
"Marks!" she exclaimed, indignant
ly. Marks! What care fO marks,
lemme ask yo' that? l got witnesses,
l tell your
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
COMPANION KNEW "OLD BIRD"
inquiry Brought Instant Response
Considerably Embarrassing to
Youthful New Teacher.

I was just out Of college and had
gone for the first time to teach in a
high school. / had not yet lost my
college girl propensity for seeking to
extract fun out of everything, whether
serious or comic. A formal meeting OF
the faculty of the city was in progress,
with the prominent school men-super-
lntendent, commissioners, and prlnci-
pals-seated ON the platform. Among
them was a severe-looking old peda-
gogue with long white, flowing beard.
Next to me sat a sedate woman
whom l rashly had taken to be new
member of the faculty.
1 turned to her with what 1 sup
posed to be an infectious burst of con-
fidence and giggled: "Who's the old
bird with the whiskers?"
The woman turned her face directly
toward me, looked me up and down,
with an expression that CONCEALED the
blood within me, and said, curtly:
''My father !''-Chicago Tribune.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Called to Order.

Father (sternly, at breakfast the
next morning.:
"You are not under the impression
that you are living in Norway, sir?'.
His Son and Heir-Er-no. W.
what makes you ask me that?
Father-Nothing only from the
time you got in last night l concluded
you thought this was the land Of the
midnight sun. See that you are not
out later than ten tonight, or you will
hear from me.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Surely the Proper Thing.

They were thrown into each others
society in a country house, without
common interests or the least attrac-
tion for each other.
Finally, after casting about for a
fertile subject of conversation, only
to fail in every attempt, he said, des-
perately: "Will you marry meT
She considered long and deeply.
81 think I'll say yes," she replied at
last. at will give us so much more to
talk about while we're here"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
MOTHER! MOVE
CHILD'S BOWELS WITH
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP

Hurry, motherl Even a sick child
loves the fruity" taste Of California
Fig Syrup" and it never fails to open
the bowels. A teaspoonful today may
prevent a sick child tomorrow. If con-
stipated, bilious, feverish fretful, has
cold, collie, or if stomach is sour,
tongue coated, breath bad, remember
good cleansing Of the little bowels Is
often all that is necessary.
ASK your druggist for genuine "Cali-
fornia Fig Syrup" which has directions
for babies and children of all ages
printed on bottle. Mother! You must
say California or you may get an
imitation fiT Syr1In.- Acknowledgement.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Brinu up the FIRING SQUAD.

81 see here that this country has
shipped fifty thousand tons of barbed
wire to Russia" said the boob, as he
looked up from his newspaper.
81 wonder what that's for"
"Oh," replied the cheerful idiot. 81
suppose they are going to try and keep
the cow in Moscow. w."-Arkansas
Thomas Cat.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
TIME FOR CUTTING TIMBER
insects and Fungi Which Attack
Wood Are Less Active in Fall
and Winter Seasons.

Fall and winter are best for cutting
timber. Insects and fungi which at
tack wood are then less active. Sea
soning is slow and there is little ex-
cessiye checking. 1t is easier to haul
logs on sleds than on wheels, and Ia
bor suitable for woods work is usual
Iy more available.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Pulled Through.

"Your son has settled down to hard
work"
EYES," said the proud father. 'I'm
glad now that had confidence in the
boy. When he took to playing the
ukulele and stepped on the gas when
he wasn't dancing, got bit discour-
aged, but 1 kept telling mother not to
worry, that he'd make a man out of
himself yet
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

"Your narrative is too highly
colored," remarked the editor, return
ing the bulky manuscript.
'In what way? inquired the disap-
pointed author.
"Why," replied the editor sin the
very first chapter you make the old
man turn purple with rage, the villain
turn green with envy, the. hero turn
white with anger, the heroine turn
red with bushes and the coachman
turn blue with old.'-Edinburgn
Scotsman.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
VENTILATION Is IMPORTANT
Carbonic Gas Constantly Forming in
Poultry House Must Be Carried
Away at Once.

1t doesn't take long for the air in a
poultry house to become poisonous and
unhealthy Carbonic acid gas is form
ing constantly and as the air becomes
laden with this gas it must be carried
out by proper vcntilating system
and replaced by pure, fresh air.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Foolish Question,

Careless Ike-Any of you fellows
see pair of leggings around herei
Boston Mike-Wel!, as there are
about two hundred men in this COM
pany and they all wear leggings, !
don't suppose it would surprise them
any if they did see pair.-The
Leatherneck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Blessings of Obscurity.

doesn't it make you discontented
to read about movie stars getting ST.
600 a week?"
Sometimes it does" said the citizen
whose income is $1,000 a year, "but,
on the other hand, it is lot of satisfac-
tion for me to know that l don't have
to tell an inquisitive public what eat.
what I wear, how 1 amuse myself in
my leisure moments and the exact
state Of my affections from day to
day."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
ConserYinn Her Energy.

Mr.. Constant Knagg-You don't
mean to tell me your wife allows you
to interrupt her lectures?
Mr.. Henry N. Peck-Along toward
the finish she gives me slight chance
while she gathers her breath for the
last word.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

and sacked his corn at spare times
during the fall. He had learned from
the county agent how to kill the
weevils. The only expense he went
to, although his corn brought so much
better price, was for sacks and the
weevil eXterminator. He said the
were worth all that for rough
age for his cows. This gave him $10O
more for 200 bushels of corn than
his neighbor who sold the same day.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
A Deadly Destination,

"Your political antagonist at least
paid a glowing tribute to your intel
lectual attainments''
"It was about as mean and insid-
tous a thing as he could have done"
commented Senator Sorghum. "The
surest way to defeat a man in my dis
trict is to give him the reputation OF
being a highbroW."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

Common salt (sodfum chloride)
plays an important part in the diet
of most classes of farm animals. This
will be better appreciated if we stop
TO consider that of the minerals in the
fluids Of the body salt is present in
the largest. amount.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Money Misapplied.

"Did money ever help you to win
an election?"
"On several occasions" replied Sen
ator Sorghum. "It wasn't money that
spent myself, however. The oppo-
sition f1ourished so large a campaign
fund that it made their candidate look
like tired business man instead of
a statesman"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

"My DEAR" said Mr.. Plunger when
he went home one evening, "Tve some
thing important to tell you-a receiver
has been appointed to take charge Of
my affairs
"How nicel' cooed Mrs. PIunger.
'When will he hold his first recep-
tion?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

Waiter-Did you have lobster or OK
tail soup, sir?
Diner-I don't know-it tasted most,
~ like soap.
Waiter-That was the lobster soup,
sir. The oXtail tastes like paratfin.-
London Tit-Bits.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Hundreds of Muscles.

The human body has been estimated
to contain some 446 muscles. The
actions Of all these muscles are fully
understood and described, but there
are probably many other muscles and
compound actions Of muscles which
have not yet been tabulated.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Nature Studies.

Mrs. Porcupine-I understand that
all the great nations of the earth are
considering disarmament.
Mr.. Porcupine-Well, they can talk
about disarmament all they've mind
to- but these here quills of mine are
going to stick right on my back. -
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Foul PLAY.

The Scottish bowling team is &C
companied by band of pipers which
plays prior to every important match
The general opinion is that this gives
very unfair advantage to the
Northerners, who are used to 1.-THE
Passing Show GondOn).
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Away Out of STYLE.

"Does your wife complain when her
clothes are out Of style"
"Not always" replied Mr.. Meekton.
"She went to a costume ball last win
ter and insisted, regardless of ex-
pense, in dressing like Queen Eliza.
beth"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Lanuuaqe of the People.

'When you find the abbreviation
'Collop.' after word in a dictionary
that means it is colloquial."
"Of course" said the practical poll
tician. "And that part of the diction-
airy is used by successful campaigners
more than any other.'
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
cutIeura for PImpIy Faces.

To remove pimples and blackheads
smear them with Cuticura Ointment.
Wash off in five minutes with Cuti-
cura Soap and hot water. Once clear
keep your skin clear by using them for
daily toilet purposes. Don't fail to in
clude Cuticura Talcum. Advertisement.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Safety First,

Irate Office Manager-You sapheadl
Why the dickens did you buy another
safe? Haven't we got one?
New Clerk-Yes, sir, but l read of
so many robberies, thought we ought
to mt the office safe into the new one
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Permis sSible.
lowing that pretty

81 noticed you following that pretty
girl with your eyes. Be careful"
81 was careful. It's permissible to
follow a pretty girl with your eyes,
if YOU exercise proper control of your
feet"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Nowhere, Is Riqht.

'Tis lovely to live in fat,
You never can mislay your hat;
You wear it always on your crown
There's no place to lay 1t down.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
LIE SHOlIID WORRY

Wife: Not so fast George, you're
frightening your poor old aunt to
death In the back seat.
Hubby: Calm yourself dear,
there's a handsome legacy coming
to me when she's gone.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
SIuT.peG.

Madge-He used to tell her that the
world was his if she'd only love him.
Marjorie-NOw they're married he
can't even get an apartment.-NeW
York Sun.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
We Knew That.

"How about this rumor of a common
sense gown from PARISH
"There'S nothing to it,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

Anyhow, the silent crouch isn't
boring anybody.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
IiteraIlY.

Dealer in secondhand garments Ito
assistant) We can't mark this suit
Questionable" it's too shabby.
Assistant No but you might mark
it. every much worn"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
The Finish of Rluebeard.

Bluebeard-Well, I'm widower
again. How about It? I'm crazy about
you.
His Latest Loye-I think a lot of
you, Blooey, but you'll have to shave
first. I'm awfully ticklish.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Not Normal.

Bernard-Been fishing?
Peters-YeS.
Caught anything?"
"No; even the fish refuse to return
to their prewar bait."-LondOn An
swerS.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

"You know, love laughs at lock
smiths"
"Thereby proving that love isn't such
a serious matter after all p'-Waystds
Tales
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
CAPITAL Punishment

"How do you spell income tax?"
81 don't know, but it is pronounced
with a short 1'"-Wayside Tales.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
An Interested Party.

First Turkey-Believe in disarma-
ment?
Second Turkey-Certainly; I'd start
with the ak.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
Revelation.

hundred" Yes, dear-one in q hun
dred he's made love to-"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30

The Resort Manager-Thank you,
sir. Here's your receipted bill. Every
thing satisfactory?
The Departing Guest-Pve had a
worse experience I've been black.
lacked and robbed.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1921-12-30
knowIsdoe.

"Son, what did you learn in school
today?"
81 learned that the arithmetic prob.
lens you worked for me last night
was wrong"