Licking Valley courier., 1921-07-21

They are deserving people, and you
feel it duty to help them along, so
the first thing you know your mail box
is jammed full of literature. Having
paid for 1t, you feel that you ought to
read it, and your life is ruined thereby.
,"When was young, the magazines
tried to entertain people. They had
good stories and a Poets Corner, and a
department devoted to timely jokes,
and another to household hints and do
nestle recipes. There was some sense
in reading magazine then, for 1t
soothed and sustained you. But now
adays the magazine editors consider 1t
their duty to harrow your soul and
make your hair stand on end like
quills upon the porkful fretcupine, or
words to that effect. They are always
viewing with alarm, and trying to con-
vince you that you take your life In
your hand every five minutes.
"They have a lot of health special
lists writing for them, and these health
sharps point out that pretty near ev-
erything you eat and drink is a deadly
poison. They didn't scare me to any
great extent, for l am most Intrepid
man, but they soon had my wife so
rattled she didn't know whether she
was going or coming.
81 always was passionately fond of a
good cup Of coffee, and my wife could
make the best coffee, you ever heard
of. She went to work at 1t like a
learned apothecary compounding
prescription. There was no guess
work about it. She took an honest
pride in it, and her coffee was a reve
lation to every consumer. used to liz
awake at night wishing 1t was break
fast time, so / could have my morning
cup Of coffee.
'But one morning when / went Il
? the table the coffee was missing. III
its place there was sickly beverage
had never seen before. / asked an ex
planation and my wife said that nj
more coffee would be made in ou
house. The wonder is, said she, tina
we still live and move and have our be
ing for coffee is a rank poison. II 20,
: read DR.. Zinkfoogle's article in tn
Junkopolltan Magazine, you will Sc
that coffee contains large percentag
of tannin, which is so deadly that
you place a drop on the tongue OF a
alligator, 1t will roll over, dead"
81 told her that had no alligator
, on the premises, and consequently coul
not try the experiment, but l assure
her that l didn't care anything abou
the poison. l wanted my coffee
regular hours. She said I'd have
keep on wanting. She thought to
much of me to send me to an untimel
grave. And, anyhow, she explaine
DR.. Zlnkfoogle had told how to make
substitute for coffee that was perfec
ly wholesome. She had followed n
instructions, and the result was befol
me. Perhaps 1t didn't taste as good
coffee, but 1t was wholesome. 1t wou
|, fiji my veins with red corpuscles al
restore hair TO my bald head. 1t WI
D made Of marrowfat peas which hf
been carefully roasted in hot oven.
J an order to get cup of coffee aft
that / had to make sneak to u
chop house, and the kind dished
there made me old before my time. n
wife cut out all my favorlte dishes .
n, cause DIR. Zinkfoogle or some oth
i magazine writer denounced them, al
er finally I was living on roasted pc
coffee and boiled spinach, and l CO
: cluded that If had to feed like l
cows I'd live like them, so l came
the forest Businesses"