davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1921-03-27
Ring Lardner Tells How to
Attain the Perfect Figure

ways dress and undress myself. I al
ways shave standing up. Shaveing
or 4 times per wk. is enough to
keep the jowls suppl, but il I find
if am couple OF. overweight shave
ever day and reduce the flesh on the
neck. In brushing the hair I can also
generally always manage to lose
little.
when the door bell rings I always
walk. not run. to the nearest
exit.
In the morning I always snatch the
paper to quicken the eye. 1 hold it
myself and turn the pages myself.
When I see that my thumbs is get
ting too fat. roll my own cigarettes
and always smoke q plenty Of them
as they's no exercise that brings
more muscles into play than cough
ing and tossing in bed.
|. l stay on the water. wagon as I find
that this takes a whole lot of weight
OF the hips.
AS a rule my weight don't decline
very much but when feel like 1 am
too light i lay off the typewriter a
few days and add on a couple finger
nails.
l always wash my hands before re-
tiring and my face when necessary,
though one OF my friends says it is
silly to wash your face when you go
to bed as they won't nobody be likely
to see # its dirty or clean and its
just as foolish to wash it when you
get up because you aip't been no.
where's to get it soiled. But l do il .
or times per wk. anyway to reduce
the soap.
Bathing as exercise depends on
what kind of a tub you got. The
madam picked mine out and bought it
by the front TT. and l guess We must
time. Any way when l have took a +.
bath 1 generally always feel like
challenging Houdini.
go to bed pretty near every night
at or 10 o'clock but once in a while
somebody comes in to play cards and
1 take setting up exercises. I gener-
ally manage to lose little this way
Dut il a person really wants to limit
their diet 1 don't know of no bet
ter scheme than to buy car or take .
up golf. In short vile you won't
be ordering nowhereS near as mu<1
grocerys or IL you do the greeeryS
won't send them. But as for golf i:-
self makeing a person fat or thin it
depends on who you are playing with.
Most of the birds / play with is so
raped up in their own game that /
can generally take off a couple of
strokes.
Personally it seems kind of funny
to me why they should be SO many
people worring these days about get
ting stout when they can't nobody
only a white wings or a bell hop af-
ford to eat anything but roots and
herbs. They must be something be-
sides food that makes people bulge
out. Maybe they's some truth in the
old saying, Laugh and grow fat
and the combination OF income tax
and telephone service is too much
for us. RING w. LARDNER
Great Neck, March 25.
Evening star., 1921-03-27

dragged him in. It's heaven Itself
that sends you tonight Ny Tony's so
bad-come and see him. Come along
do
Davidson submitted. The only one
Of the men to move was Bamtz, who
made as IL to get UP but dropped back
in his chair again. Davidson in pass
ing heard him mutter Confusedly
something that sounded like poor lit
tie beggar.
The child. lying very flushed in "A
cases, stared at Davidson with wide
drowsy eyes. 1t was bad bout of
fever clearly. But while Davidson
was promising to go on board and
fetch some medicines. and generally
trying to say reassuring things, he
could not help being struck by the ex-
traordinary manner of the woman
standing by his side. Gazing with
despairing expression down al the cot.
she would suddenly throw quick
startled glance at Davidson and then
toward the other room.
Yes. my poor girl he whispered.
interpreting her distraction in his
own way, though he had nothing pre-
else in his mind I'm afraid this
BODIES no good to you. How is it they
are here?
She seized his forearm and
breathed out forcibly: No good to
me. Oh, no. But what about you,
They are after the dollars you have
on board
Davidson let out an astonished
How do they know there are any dol
lars?
She clapped her hands lightly. in
ldistress. SO its Hu4 You have
Evening star., 1921-03-27

1\O the editor: Pretty near every
place you go now days. where
they's a mixed gathering. the
people that amt talking about
Mrs. Hardin's coat is disgusting their
diet and how to get fat or thin. a
specially the last-named and when
ever you walk in anywheres where
the hostess don't expect no Co. you
generally always find a book on the
liveing rm. table on how to get
skinny and etc. so it seems like this
is the most important problem Of the
day outside the zap situation and
the women folks is all spending hun
dreds OF dollars on books that will
learn them how to not look 50 much
like group
Well the trouble with spending
money on these kind of books is
that the party that buys them amt
sure that the party that wrote them
is qualified to know what they are
talking about. For inst. the author
Of Eat and Grow Skinny" or Diet
and Longevity may have a waste
line that is laps to the mile for all
as we know. and il they can't control
their own border how can they learn
others to do the same?
Obesity begins at home like every
thing else and what l a mgetting at
is that the only people that can learn
you how to reduce or build up is
people that has did it themselfs and
Evening star., 1921-03-27
A WHITE HOUSE BEAUTY,

Historians are inclined to give to.
Miss Harriet Lane. niece OF President
Buchanan. the palm for being tho
prettiest woman that ever ruled this
White House social life. She wa:
a blonde. with hair of a rare gold.
deep-blue eyes, and her mouth was
said to be one Of the most beautffuf-
ever owned by a Washington belle.
Her beauty was SO noticeable that at
the dawn OF womanhood. when shsc
accompanied her uncle, then Amerf
ica's representative in England, to
Oxford, where he was to receive the
degree OF doctor Of civil laws,
the student body greeted her appear
ance with terrific cheers, inspired
entirely by the smile of her lovely
lips as she turned her howerlfke face
toward them. -
Not only was she beautiful. in line
and curve, but. in addition, she was
a picture of perfect health, an ath.
lete OF no mean order. as many "A
young gallant discovered after she
had challenged him to a race ard
beaten him so badly that spectators
of the race numerically chaffed him..
She played many games with skflf'
and vigor. and there was not a wsorn-s
an in Washington that could CONF
pete with her in any game calling
for strength and great activity. In
spite of this, she was not unwomx
anly. and excelled as a harpist, wrote
poetry and. as the young people of
the capital reported. danced like q
feather"
Evening star., 1921-03-27

ing that II would move q heart of
stone. He tried to make hersunder-
stand his remorse- She heard him to
the end. said Indeed" and turned her
back on him.
Don't you believe mer he asked.
appalled,.
"She didn't say yes or no. All she
said was. Send that brat away at
once
"T can't throw him out into the
street. cried Davidson. You don't
mean it,
"T don't care There are charitable
institutions for such children. I sup
pose
That I will never do said David
son.
VERY well. That's enough for me-
"Davidson's home after this WIS
like a silent. frozen hell for him. 4
stupid woman with sense of griev-
ance is worse than an unclaimed dew
il. He sent the hoy to the White
Fathers in Malacca. This was not a
very expensive sort of education, hu'
she could not forgive him for not
casting the offensive child away at
terly. She worked up her sense OF
her wifely wrongs and of her in
jured purity - such n pitch that one
day. when pNo Davidson was plead
ing with her to be reasonable and no.
to make an impossible existence for
them both. She turned on him in q
chill passion and told him that his
very sight was odious to her.
Davidson. with his scrupulous doij-
cacy OF feeling. was not the man 10
assert his rights over woman who.
could not bear the sight of him. II"
bowed his head. and shortly after
ward arranged for her to go back 10
her parents. That was exactly what
she wanted in her outraged dignity.
And then she had always disliked tho
tropics and had detested secretly tho
people she had tC live among as Da-
Wilson's wife. She took her, pure.
sensitive. mean little soul away 10
Fremantle or somewhere in that ii
rection. And of course the little gill
went away with her. too. What could
poor Davidson have done with little
girl on his hands. even IL she had con
sented to leave her with him-which
is unthinkable.
This is the story that has spoiled
Davidson's smile for him-which per
haps il wouldn't have done SO thor-
oughly had he been less of a goo
fellow"
Hollis ceased. But before we ro, ,
from the table i asked him if he kns~
what had become of Laughing Anne's
bow
"Oh, that's the finishing touch. He
was a bright. taking little chap. az
you know. and the fathers took very
special pains in his bringing up. Pa
wilson expected in his heart to have
some comfort out of him. In his placid
way he's man who needs affection.
Well. Tony has grown into fine
youth-but there you are, He wants
to be a priest: his one dream is to be
missionary. The fathers assure
Davidson that II is a serious vocation.
They tell him he has a special dispo-
sition for mission work. too. So
Laughing Anne's boy will lead a
sanity life in China somewhere: he
may even become martyr; but poor
Davidson is left out in the cold. He
will have to go downhill without a
single human affection near him be-
cause OF these old dollars"
copyright. 1921. by Doubleday. Page 4 Co..
Evening star., 1921-03-27

in her woman's natural compassion.
HE did not know that her heart
was about the size OF a parched pea.
and had the proportional amount Of
warmth; and that her faculty of COM
passion was mainly directed to her
self He was only startled and dis
appointed at the air of cold surprise
and the suspicious look with which
she received his imperfect tale. But
she did not say much. She never had
much to say. She was a fool of the
silent. hopeless kind.
thought fit to :et afioat in Malay
town is neither here nor there.
Davidson himself took some of his
friends into his confidence. besides
giving the full story officially to the
harbor master.
a7~he harbor master was consider
ably astonished. He didn't think.
however. that a formal complaint
should be made to the Dutch govern
ment. They would probab bly, do moth
ing in the end, after lot of trouble
and correspondence. The robbery
had not come off. after all. Those
vagabonds could be trusted to go to
the devil in their own way. No amount
OF fuss would bring the poor woman
to life again. the actual murderer had
been done justice to by a chance shot
from Davidson. Better let the mat
ter drop.
This was good common sense. But
he was impressed.
sounds a terrible affair. Capt.
Davidson.
"'Aye. terrible enough agreed the
terrible thing for him. though he
didn't know it then. was that his
wife's silly brain was slowly coming
to the conclusion that Tony was
Davidson's child. and that he had in
vented that lame story to introduce
Of decency of virture-of her most
sacred feelings.
'Then. one day. Monkey faced
Ritchie called on that sweet shy Mrs
Davidson. She had come out under
his care. and he considered himself
a privileged person-her oldest friend
in the tropics. He posed for great
admirer of hers. He was always a
great chatterer. He had got hold Of
the story rather vaguely. and he
started chattering on that subject.
thinking she knew all about it. And
in due course he let out something
about Laughing Anne.
Laughing Anne saws Mrs. David
son. with a start What's that"
"Ritchie plunged into circumlocution
at once. but she very soon stopped
him. rs that creature dead?' she asks.
"T believe So stammered Ritchie.
Your husband says So
"'But YOU don't know for certain ~
No! How could I. Mrs. Davidson? -
"That's all I wanted to know says
she. and goes out Of the room.
when Davidson came home she
was ready to go for him. not with
common voluble indignation. but as IL
trickling a stream OF cold. clear water
down his back. She talked of his
base intrigue with a vile woman. OF
being made a fool of, of the insult to
her dignity.
Davidson begged her to listen to
him and told her all the story, think
Evening star., 1921-03-27

is normal and can tell you what they
done to get that way. Like for inst.
you wouldn't go to Babe Ruth for
ask a movie actress which cheek to
park your tobacco in VS. a left handler.
X + X X
IK7ell friends. I don't like to brag.
but it looks like they wasn't no.
body better ntted to give advice on
the fat and lean question than the un-
dersigned and il I can be OF any
assistants to my friends that is wor-
red about their weigts why 1 will
overlook my prejudice in regards to
bareing secrets of my private life
and sacrifice myself on the alter of
pro bono publice.
Lest they be any doubts as to my
qualifications along these lines. why
here is the figures by which a per-
son finds out how much they should
ought to weigh according to their
higth. Multiply the number of inches
you are over It. tall by 5h and then
add that to 10. Well friends I am
1917 inches over It. tall and multi
ply 1871 by 5h and you get 54A and
when you add that onto 110 it makes
1S4A avordupois which is exactly
where 1 tip the old beam. In other
wds' my weigh is ideal like pretty
near everything else.
How does the boy do tt!' you
ask
Well, friends. am going to lay all
nv cards on the table and tell you
the system I generally always fol-
low in regards to diet and exercise
and il my fat and skinny friends will
also try and follow out similar pro-
gram l don't see no reason why they
shouldn't also get to be perfect.
First we will take eating. I gen.
orally always eat in a room where
they's a riot. I try and get to meals
on time as I prefer my own napkin.
I always set in a straight back chair
and face east. ! never talk at meals
as when talk I like to be heard.
never accept no invitations to meals
at nobody else's house unlest I all
ready been there and know that mine
host is a good provider.
Now. in regard to exercise. I
never let nobody feed me and I al
Evening star., 1921-03-27
PERSONS IN THE
TALE
THE NARRATOR.

DAVIDSON, a China
coast sea captain, a
really good man, who
regularly called in his
trading steamer at the
remote "settlement" of
one
BAMTZ, a vagabond,
worthless, sO=Called d
trader. Davidson was
the only link with the
outside world of the
scape-grace Bamtz and
his wife,"
LAUGHING ANNE,
who, with her little boy,
manages to exist with
Bantz. Davidson felt
only pity for this wreck
of q woman.
THE THREE-Fec=
tor, Niclaus and the
Frenchman wit h out
hands. 1t is Niclaus
who Overhears David
son talking of the silver
dollars he will carry
next trip.
Evening star., 1921-03-27

II A LII this happened about two
~ years before the day when
~ Davidson, sitting in this
very room, talked to my
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
New England Salt Fish Dinner.

change for the Friday dinner. SOAK q
pound of salt colfish in cold water IL
hours. Change the water and cook
IL minutes. Before boiling the fish,
boil some peeled potatoes. and when
potatoes are half done put on the fish.
Cut up one pound Of salt pork into
tiny bits and fry to a nice brown.
Drain the fish and place on a hot plat
ter Put the pork bits in q hot gravy
boat and the potatoes in a covered
dish. To serve. mix the potatoes and
fish on your dtnneS plate and pour
owe the fried pork bits and fat.
Serve with this sour pickles, c~ornbread
and tomato sauce.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
On Checks
.
Is Refused By The
Bank OF North Dakota

Bismarck. N. D., June 24.-Two
checks asreEatng ~$11,ss1.ss were
turned to the state Of North Dakota
Wednesday with notations payment
refused BY the Bank Of North Dako-
a." II became known today. The
checks were made out to local banks
to- v Z large number of miscel-
,laneous warrants which the banks
held.
Included among the warrants max
ing up the aggregate In one. Of the
checks, which the Bank OF North d.
kota did not pay because Of lack Of
funds were soldier bonus warrants,
state hail insurance warrants, wolf
bounty warrants. teachers insurance
and retirement fund warrants. pay
roll for the feeble minded institute at
Grafton, bills for the insane hospital
bills for books for the state superin-
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
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Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
pulicdonA Iobster mowder

Lobster chowder is a speciality that
ID very easy to make and is very nice
for a light luncheon. Cut the meat
Of n cooked lobster into small bits:
scald four cups of milk and add n
teaspoon Of salt, quarter teaspoon OF
cayenne pepper. W tablespoons but
ter rolled in one tablespoon of flour,
and a pinch Of soda, cook n minute
Inc add the lobster, simmer five min
ties. Split six Boston crackers,
spread with butter, dip each piece
quickly in boiling water and tnen
place them on the bottom and around
the sides Of a deep soup tureen; turn
in the hot chowder and serve inme-
6iA<A1v -#5l
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
Fish Ioaf-aNer E~nSland..

For a fish loaf cur W. filletA OF
halibut weighing about ope and a
OF q baking dish place three slices Of
salt pork; on this place a Of the
haibut slices, cover this fish with n
cup Of soft bread crumbs mixed with
salt, pepper and four tablespoons OF
melted butter; place on this the other
fish slice and cover with three slices
OF salt pork. Bake 80 minutes, and
just before II IL done remove the three
slices OF salt pork. cover fish with
half q cup Of bread crumbs, replace
the salt pork, and brown in the oven.
Serve with egg sauce.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
CHOICE RECIPES
oahnoenia Parfaat.

California Parfait
Ono of tho speciAls made by . large
ice cream company Is called califor.
mia rarfait and has q large sale. Mil
two cups OF cooked. chopped seeded
raisins with the juice and grated rint
OF n orange, two cups OF ear and
twelve finely chopped toasted almonds
Place the mixture In a mould and
pack in cracked Zoe and salt for three
heusA This will serve six.
WE'LL RdECTED SUMNER
MENUS.
Canned luncheon meat.
Lettuce Potato salad
Grape Juice.
corned beef hash
Cabbage slaw
Cherry 'tarts
Coffee
Cheese soufr1e
French fried potatoes
Chopped lettuce
Baked apples
Milk
rematoel soup with crackers
Scrambled eggs 4
biscuits Butter Jelly
Coffee OF milk.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24

R0I% BARRACK1 BURNED.
Cork, ireland, June 24.-Polics
sbarraeN were bombed and there was
general street AgAttAg IN this city last
night, one woman beingN killed and
three girls and three men wounded.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
Potato Salad wtth Frankfurts.

Method: Slice cold boiled pota-
toes thin, marinate with salad dress
ing; arrange in center Of platter,
sprinkle with chopped parsley and
arrange hot Frankfurts as a border
Garntsh with sprigs Of parsley and
servA NJ once.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
, y
HERALD
: ,
MARKET
BASKET

The disorders began at about n
o'clock when four civilians Ia a motor
threw . bomb 1t, a police station and
another at a barracks close by.
KEEP THE CHANGE
II say, porter. did you and $50 On
the floor this morning? !"
"YAs, sir. Thank you. sub"
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
Fruit salad.

To one cup of seeded ra1sins add /
cup Of diced apples, J. sliced banana.
/ shredded range and mix lightly
with a generous amount of sweetened
and favored whipped cream. Sprinkle
with chopped nuts and serve.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24
The Foods in Your 1csbox.

Save the bacon drippinss in an
earthen bowl and set In the refrigera-
tor. This fat may be used for saute-
ing, as d shortening or as q spread
for the lettuce sandwich. Keep the
leaf lard, also in the refrigerator,
both the original %container and the
lard that has been heated once set
away for 4 second using.
When the olen1argarine comes
from the market set 1t to chill and
cut of, when the meal time comes,
only that portion, which you are going
to use. This precaution will con
serve the sweet, fresh taste Of the OLE
margarine till the last particle . IL
used. It destroys. to a certain ex-
tent. the flavor Of any spread to let
it melt down frequently.
The refrigerator. is. the place ITO
store the carton of identified eggs.
Here they are cool and ready for i'm
mediate use.
stalad. materials. such as lettuce
and waeercress, should be washed
wipe dry and set away to chill. Store
the vegetable salad ell in d dark place
with neutrality-suspicious.. not nee.
essarily cool, and wipe the mouth OF
the container each time oil is poured
Never put meat directly on the ice
but rather unwrapped, on q plate in
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24

HERALD
MARKET
BASKET
And boil for five minutes Serve Will
the sauce and eArniEh with cress.
TIE REFRIGERATOR AND ms
CARE

CARE.
There IRE two important points
to be considered when purchasing q
refrigerator. It should be so well
made that the outside temperature
will have no effect upon the ice, and 1t
should be lined with material that
can be kept scrupulously cleAn-for
= poorly made refrigerator wastes
Ace and q refrigerator that cannot be
easily kept clean may affect seriously
the health Of the family.
There should be rough places in
the lining of the refrigerator which
may serve as dirt catcherA. and no
wood which may absorb odors. Clean
your refrigerator regularly and thor
oughly once a week.. Simply wipe
the ice chamber and food chambers
with a cloth wrung with lukewafm
mot hot) water. No spilled food
should be allowed to remain a mo-
ment in the refrigerator and nothing
should be allowed to mold in it. Your
refrigerator may be cooled either by
ice or electrically made in the re-
friserator or delivered by the ice
man; or 1t may be cooled by evapo-
ration. But, regardless OF the met
hod Of cooling, it must 80 kept. scrup-
ulously clean.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1921-06-24

according 70 the June 10 stassnsent O
IS, 640,bz9.46.
Daily picayune., 1921-04-28
LANGLEY IS SELECTED

Washington. April 27.-The name or Samuel F. Langley of MurfreeSboro' Ark. was sent to the Senate today hH President Harding as his nomination for United States attorney for the wes- tern district of Arkansas The pfes'- dent also nominated Belle Armour or Newport, Ark, to be postmistress there Langley, who undoubtedly will h' confirmed will succeed Seab Holt, act ing district attorney, who was appoint cd by the district judge to fill vacancy caused by the resignation of Steve Car riqan. Carrigan served some time un- der a recess appointment ny President Wilson.
Daily picayune., 1921-04-28
NEW MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.

Fayetteville April 21.-The Skull and Torch Honor Club of the Univer- sity of Arkansas today pledged SIX new members. Clyde Gay, Little Rock |, Dorothy Black. Little oRck: Lela Bar ton. Fayetteville; Helen Hudgins, Fay etteville: Mabel Webb, Fayetteville James Rutherford, Malvern.
 The organization is an honorary scholastic fraternity whose member ship is restricted to those puniors and seniors in the College of Arts and Sciences and the College of Education who are candidates for q degree. Eligi- bility to membership is based on high scholarship and personal character.
 The old members are: Josephine Martin. Pine Bluff; Jamie Mcconnell, Mineral Springs; Erin Jetton, Charles ton; Fife Alley, Little Rock; Quincey Adams. DeValls Bluff; UlyS Lowell, Springdale.
Daily picayune., 1921-04-28
CHURCH GIVEN S100,0 900.

Nashville, Tenn, April PA gift or S1OO,O0O to the Christian education movement of the Methodist Episcopal church. south, from R. S Munger, vice president of the Continental Gin compa- ry of Birmingham, Ala. was announced today.
 The campaign to raise S33'Oooooo for the enlargement and endowment or the 91 educational institutions of the denomination. will begin May 29 ana continue to June 5 Mr. Munger has dl- rected his gift to the Birmingham Southern college. of which Int is chair man of the board of trustees and a llo- eral supporter. This is the second Sl"o' GOO gift the Christian education move ment has had from Birmingham.