The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1921-04-22

curse, you want TO put a coat or your
liquid porcelain on it, as a measure Of
economy, but, like all your retrench-
nent schemes, 1t would be a f1ZZie.
The porcelain would never dry, and
he first time I took a bath I'd get my
person covered with it and would have
10 20 to the taxidermist for relief.
Last summer you had another great
scheme for saving u hard-earned
1oubloons. You painted the lawn
swing and never said a word to me
the swing, to rest my weary bones, and
when l wanted to leave it, l found 1
couldn't. l stuck TO that swing like a
tWo-cent stamp to q dunning letter.
The neighb0rs had to come over and
pry me loose with spades and things
before l could get away. My raiment
was ruined, and 1t was a suit ! had
worn only three seasons. You ex-
planned to me afterward hal you
thought you'd be saving money by
painting the swing yourself. Your pas
sionate fondness for the kind of econo-
IL NAA0L lASOAVNo SRNAAdAAS AAOASS A0o
brought these gray hairs to my side
boards and made me old before my
time.
There's only n reliable way to
save money, Mrs. Jamesworthy. Salt
1t down. Put it in a tin can and solder
the lid down tight. If you go to the
druggists and grocers and hardware
men, and ask them how TO economic,
they'll try to sell you something that
will put you In Easy street. l don't
blame them for it. They are in bust
ness for the purpose OF selling things,
but no sane woman would accept any
one Of them as her guide, philosopher
and friend, in matters OF retrench-
ment.
1T was the druggist who sold you
five gallons of his patent d~isintectant,
telling you that you might save. vast
sums Of money by having it on hand.
There was q contagious disease in
town then, and the druggist pointed
out that people who had the disease
were almost bankrupted by the ex-
pense. In case the disease was head
ed in our direction, all We had to do
was to use this d~isinlectant and we'd
be immune. The Disguised malady
would turn in It's tracks and hike away
in some other direction.
"Of course, having the disinfectant
ON hand, We were suffering to use it,
and when you heard that a man in the
neighborlood had the heaves you con
Guided it was time to get busy. You
sprayed the house with the stuff, and
you know what happened then. We
had to borrow q tent and camp out on
the lawn for q week. The aroma in
Testing the house vas so strong that
the clock stopped and all our priceless
oil paintings turned black.
Nobody could enter the house with
out wearing a sack over his head. 1t
rained all the time we were camped
ON the lawn, and we all caught the
champion colds Of our lives. 1t was a
week Of uEadulterated misery. and it
was the result Of your determination
to save money by every expensive
means. The only comfort or pleasure
got out of the whole business was de-
rived from twisting the druggists nose
and telling him what l thought Of him.
1.-THE grocer told you last fall that
you might save fabulous sums by buy
ing several bushels of tomatoes, and
eight dozen glass Jars, and endless
quantities of spices and vinegar, and
making your own ketchup. You made
it, Mrs. Jamesworthy, and 1t all spoil
ed. We buried 1t darkly at dead OF
night, the sods with our bsyonets turn
ing"
"You think you're smart, don't your
inquired Mrs. Jamesw0rthy, petulantly,