davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
Once-Overs
INCREASING YOUR INCOME.
ny J. J. MUNDY.

Copyright 1871, International Feature Service Inc
When you consider how you make more
money you think in large terms and forget the
moderate amounts which make the big ag-
gregate.
Instead OF figuring what your own ability
and business judgment are worth you magnify
your usefulness and capabilities.
You seldom think of the small or fairsized In
come. but your mind dwells on the big money
without the idea OF the work and constant study
which have developed the big money.
Most of your plans are dreams-not practical
plans.
II is strange, but usually true, that the man
who had to work hard all his life for a moderate
sized income seldom thinks about n fair increase
proportion OF saving.
His sense OF proportion is off and he thinks
that with a slight or reasonable Increase he
ought to be wealthy soon.
More money brings more obligations, and the
practical man knows that must Creep be-
fore walking and studies and develops ways 10
Increase income by safe and sure investment and
alertness to opportunities within reason, so far
his income is concerned.
he sensible and play safe. but do not stand
still
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
Washington sausage makers
should be prosperous. They
make both ends meat. E. O'S.
CLAIRVOYANCE.

One thing true l say today,
which, really, may astound you
As start upon my way
I see trouble just around you.
This vision Is not mere riddle,
Neither a mythical bubble,
For I see "U' right In the middle
OF that mean old word trouble"
II. SMITH.
She-why didn't you tell me / had
a dab of rouge on my nose?
He-How do know where you
want to wear your complexion?
MARGARET T.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
EVEN AS YOU AND L

There was n man, and he was sore,
Even as u and I:
For his throat was dry sahara's floor,
Even as yours and mine;
Says he. IT crave Just Q vice. sma' nip
or the good old Scotch that We used I"
SIP"
And did he get 1.-THE did-yes. nit;
Even as u and ];
SO he went to . Doc, this man who was
dry,
Even as " and !;
With a taste in his mouth that was worss
than lye,
Even yours and mine;
Says he, "Oh. Doc, I'm a dead man sure
Unless you can give me the Written Cure"
But Bones Just slipped him some green
pills pure;
Even as II and ]:
SO he bought a gat. this man who was dry,
Even u and I:
And he made his will, with a fearless eyA
Even as yours and mine;
For In Hsdes you know wild wimmin an
Are always on tap with liquor that's strong.
And still they say this guy went WRONG;
Even as " and I;
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

Fair enough. In the case
of a boy. the old man should
: cancel the hickory education
when the kid is able to fight
back. Papa Corbett used to
lay a handful OF birch over
Jim right up until the day
Jim beat John l.. Pop Cor
bett did not. challenge the
winner of the fight, but asked
for a temporary armistice
to consult the rule book.
Nevertheless, Jim states that
his old man was always
champion of the home.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
Mr.. B. Baer
sPARING THE ROD.

An accomplished debutante
Of the better class writes
in to inquire the proper age
At which an smbidexterous
parent should cease spank
ing his almond-eyed daugh-
ter.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

From the accrued evidence
II seems that this fun has
an old man who lays down
the law with a free and
heavy hand. He drapes sis
ter over his knee and puts
the wood to her. Indicating
that, above all, he Is q stern
parent.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
WORDS FROM .CoNsTANTINorLE.'

"LoTTA CASH" a bank clerk. put
In some time working on words TO he
derived from the letters In 'Constan-
tinople." She made up ESQ English
words. She thinks some OF the con-
trlbs might want to work on it. ~
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
EMBARRASSING.

Mother" said an eNasporates
daughter, please don't hang that par
rot In the parlor."
why not, my dcarg'
"He must have belonged, to a street
car conductor, for. every two or three
minutes. while Charlie II here, he
ohirps out, sit closer, please hv
embarrassing PGAfUr
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
Honest Mind
Sees Straight
II. CHARLES w. ELIOT,
President Emeritus of Harry

CuBidnu cuucdtois shoe 'SAy ~"
Americans can hear straight or see
straight. 1t is striking how incom-
petent they are in these directions"
He made a plea for radical trans
formation of the educational sys-
tenn to obliterate "herd impulse"
and to release individuality. !.
DR.. Eliot is right in this, although
he does not always see straight him
self. He could not "see" the truly
American view of the peace treaty
and the Wilson covenant.
He once praised the London Times
a. model for all newspapers when
that paper was mere organ Of a
wrong-headed British government, a
fabricator of propaganda and a pub
Usher Of forged documents to defeat
Irish liberty.
But DR.. Eliot is right in saying
that few people express their own
unbiased, Embossed opinions.
Most opinions are canned goods,
few home grown. =.
Listen to the next conversation
that comes to your notice, on the
train, at the social gathering, any
where, and see if You do not get the
impression that the speakers, instead
Of saying what they have thought
out for themselves, are merely re-
peating what they have heard.
Too often we pass lightly over the
editorial columns Of a newspaper, or
skip the editorial pages Of a maga-
zine, because we know already the
viewpoint to expect.
Consistency is a good thing, but
it can be carried too far, and eventu-
ate in deadly dullness.
No writer can gain the confidence
of his readers and have them believe
in his entire sincerity if he is in
variably consistent.
Because readers know very well
that they themselves vary-one side
of truth will appeal to them one
day and the other side the next day.
And every truth has two sides-or
more. "The Arabs" said Goethe,
shave a proverb, that the opposite
of every truth is also true"
What we need more than consist
ency is honesty. We need to recog-
nize the ethics of the intellect. And
that it is just as wrong to say a thing
because we said it yesterday, or be-
eause our party or church or group
says it, and to suppress our misgiv-
Eng, as it is to f1atter a person when
we do not mean 1T, or simulate an
affection we do not feel
Of course the courteous man uses
discretion, and the kindly man
svoids offense as much as possible,
but these sentiments cannot cover up
Che evil of "mob thinking"
"Tell the truth and shame the
devil" Say what you think, at least
do not say what You do not think,
and honest folk will prize you-as
for others they do not matter.
If the writer or speaker only knew
st, his greatest investment of in
fluence and the real secret of his
power is the impression he creates
that he is absolutely sincere and un-
afraid.
This is what Tennyson meant by
his lines:
"There lives more faith in honest
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

wiie-Don't bring pork chops
home for dinner today. dearie. Bring
some ham. We are eating too much
pork. PUNK
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

This one, sent in by r. G. b., Park
Road, is represented as quite popu-
lar with young folks:
/ love you so I am a lover;
All the world loves lover;
You are all the world TO me,
Therefore. you love me.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

A beating brings the
parent and child closer to-
gether. For the time being.
They may drift apart tenn
porarily, but a woodshed
convention always strength
ems the family bonds and
inspires a warm. clannish
feeling in the immediate
zone OF operations.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
Replace the
Dead Tree
rHERE was recently held in New
Haven a conference of teachers

"HEhE wan recently neiu III new
Haven a conference of teachers
Of forestry and employers of
foresters. 1t is time something were
done to call attention to sorest waste
spots in American life.
We are not thrifty people. We
have had wide continent to
splurge in, and If we ruined one spot
by our improvidence it was easier
to move on to another Instead Of
restoring that we had spoiled.
Thus we have exterminated the
bison, SKINNED the cream off the
fertile prairies of the Mississippi val
ley, and, generally speaking,
grabbed whatever was lying around
loose, without giving thought to the
necessity of any sort of conserva-
ton.
And in nothing have we been more
profligate than in the matter of
wood supply. As has been said:
"For moro than century
lumber companies devastated
the primeval forest with no
thought beyond the immediate
gain. Wood products were
cheap at home and sold profit
ably abroad in vast quantities.
Now the wild lands that COM
prise one-half Of the national
inheritance are in the main an
msightly desert, ovsrgrown by
brambles and ravaged at inter
walls by forest fires"
Forests are among the chief
sources of a nations wealth.
We do not, for instance, realize
the Importance of nut-bearing trees,
but some idea of what they might
mean can be gathered. from the fact
that there are lands on the mountain
slopes Of some of the Mediterranean
countries where the price per acre
is $500 or $400, because of the care
full planting of nut trees, whose crop
goes on bearing from year to year,
while in the United States we have
thousands of acres in the Appala-
chan Range every bit as good by
nature, yet which, because they are
neglected, are worth nearly nothing.
Steps should Immediately be taken
to secure cooperation between the
National and the State governments
to see that for every tree killed
another be planted.
In forestry we particularly need
the adult mind and the long look
ahead.
Every city should have it munic-
ipal wood-lot.
We can learn from Switzerland.
Zurich put her forest to work 600
years ago, and that forest has been
working steadily ever since. It
never goes on strike and is always
on the job.
In every 100 square miles in
Switzerland thirty square miles goes
to rocks, glaciers and water, which
make up the country's wonderful
scenery. Forests come next with
seventeen square miles in every
hundred. Good coal is not to be
had, so the forests are of the great
est concern to the people.
In some parts of the United
C&o&na %lo-~ 49, H. L~.~,~-.~.z oc
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
ss11EARls nS5EElf1
FOAM SCENE FROM "LUx."

FOAM SCENE FROM "LUX."
(By TORPEDO SHOP
Now the Clark bill had assed
And every cekie was sore.
They said, These Congressmen
Certainly are an awful bore"
The bulls were on the lookout,
For their orders from the judge
Were to nab each "Nunnally Cowboy."
IL he even said. "oh. fudge
There wasn't much to do
Until about eight one night
Two cakies fused about eyebrows
And started an awful fight.
One pulled out cream pun
The other q chocolate eciair
And were beating each others brains oct
When all At once they took the air,
(Other verses describe the chase ana
capture and the scene In court; the
cakie's confession and the judges sen
tence to sell hi= monkey-back suit. The/
cause Of II Is described:
He told all about the tough Joint
He had tarried in long,
OF egg frappes and matted milk,
Tho air was very strong.
He thought and thought and then soms1-
more,
Until his memory grew dead.
All! That last nut sundae she forced on me
MUST HAVE GONE TO MY HEAD!
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

COED" of Notre Dame Academy,
saws that "SAXY" CAVANAUGH, of
that institution, has no superior as
a jazz piano player or as a foe to the
blues.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
A baby boy may be extremely
fond of his mother, but he fire.
quently cries for his PAP"
Fl. SMITH.

Helen-what keeps people from
falling off the earth?
Minnie-The law of gravity.
Helen-How'd they stay on before
the law was passed?
EJMEDES BELUS.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
A LIVELY EVENING

A LIVELY EVENING.
You sing q little song or two
You have a little chat.
You make a little candy fudge,
And then you take your hat. o,,
You hold her hand and say SooD
NIGHT"
As sweetly as you can.
Amt that a swell evening
For a great big healthy man
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

II Pop Legree insists on
beating Little Eva, there
seems TO be no remedy out
side OF keeping her face to
the foe. The Supreme Court
is right this time. The
proper time TO stop psternal
thumpings Is when the old
man II tired
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

That minister who resigned his
pastorate to make more money
and is now implicated in q $780,
900 mail robbery, was an amateur
actor and singer in his younger
days. His favorite song was Il
Got Mine"
JULES BACKENHEIMER.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

II 1 were a tulip
I'd raise 2 lips to you.
II / were q bleeding heart
My heart would bleed for you,
Even IL 1 were a marigold,
might marry none but you,
But II / were a lilac
Derned IL / could lie like you.
MASON and DIxO
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

IL "wear less and live longer
becomes the motto OF the women,
the opticians will advise men to
"wear glasses and look longer"
MALT RAISON.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

THE heavier they are the
harder they fall" said Ruby
Bob" the prizefighter.
The heavier they are the
easier they fall" says Cakie Bob,
the chicken fighter.
FRED VETTER.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
A PRETTY NERVY GUY.

A PRETTY NERyY GUY.
What's your opinion OF the
guy who cops the seat beside
your 'bestest" while you're
handing over the tokens to the
gentleman operating the south
end of a Capital Traction car?
W. H. c., Jr.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

Polls is the highest theater in the
world, because, from the balcony,
you can see "Way Down East"
E. s. H.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

We don't know the exact
age at which the old man
should stop laying 10 cents
worth of lumber over the
apple of his good eye. Leav-
ing the decision UP to the
pinochle' players in the Su-
preme Court, we get slipped
the ponderous answer that
proper time to stop is when
he is tired.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Have you any booze up thar
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

Conductor No. 675 Q1th St.
Brookland line) deserves honorable
mention for patience, efficiency and
courtesy in handling passengers.
E. F. l..
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

The old woodshed is one
with Nineveh and .Sser. The
fiivver rattles where once
the hoss heaved, In the old
harness days the old man
would lead the strap cotillon
to the woodshed and the
toggle hame would chirp
"Hame, Sweet Hame." or the
martingale would sing
sweetly. Now the woodshed
is a garage. Some difference
between a drumming with a
strap and a walloping with
the spare parts of a fiivv.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

We all thought MILO ". was a
gay bachelor until he got OF that
poem about "vihe dear" How come 7
/ AP.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
LOST VALENTINES.

where be all my early velentines---
The girls 20 whom fondly wrote
Burning words and ardent flaming lines,
The tttms of which I'd blush to quote
oh. whers is Tinie and Cert and Fay,
And Mapde and Nell. and Dora and Sue.
Those girl with whom I used to play
The tlmN we made Bess our Queen o.
May7.
ALL all are hone the girls for whom I
sigh.
Long ago chat gay parliament broke
Adiourred--,ur,cd out the light
JOE CoNKLiN.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09

Calves may come and cows
may go, but the bull will 20 on
forever. MAJOR CEMENT.
The Washington times., 1921-02-09
SHORT and SNAPPY.

We'll handIed-The pump. .
The man who digs bitches gets space
we'll.
Love for whiskey IL q still affection.
Light work-The gas mans.
It's not fair to call q man without 'front.'
teeth a back bitter.
The difference between a woman and
tn umbrella n that you can shut up al
umbrella.
what's the use having policemen vac
cinated? They can never eaten any
thing. H d. BILLINGS. IS
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
HEALTH OFFICER HAS
VACClNATED 513 FOR
SMALLPOX IN COUNTY

A total of 51S cases have been
vaccinated to date for smallpox by
the city and county health officer,
DR.. j. f. Docherty. In Los Du-
ranes, forty-four children have just
recently been vaccinated, and
ninety-six persons were vaccinated
in the mountains last week.
Two new cases of diphtheria were
guaranteed last week and two new
cases this week Twelve new sam
itary privies have been built in
conformity with the new city or
dinance, There were nine cases
treated in the venercal disease
clinic for indigents last week.
At the last well-bahy clinic nine
babies We're examined. No treat
ments are given at the clinic, the
cases being referred to the family
physician after a diagnosis has been
made. In the cases of INDECENT pa
rents the babies receive treatment
from the city physician. A we'll
baby clinic will be held at 3 O'CLOCK
this afternoon in the court room of
the federal building in charge of a
city physician.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
JUNK MAN DIES
In JAIL: LEAVES
SMALL FORTUNE

William McCalpin, tho timer
ant Junk dealer. who died in the
county Jail few days ago, was
possessed of considerable wealth,
according to Fred Crollott, who
has Investigated the old junk
mans past record, and has already
unearthed several business enter
prises in which he was Interested
One is thriving junk dealing
company in Oregon, another SINH
lar business was being carried on
in a Washington city. Numerous
bank accounts We're also run by
the junk man in several cities,
As far as can be learned, NC
.Caipin has no relatives. one OF
his partners in the junk business
at Balmington. Wash, ordered Mr.
Crollott to hold the funeral in Al
buquerque and to see that the ola
pioneer trader was given a Catho-
lie ceremony and buried in TIT
ting manner. Funeral services
will be held az the Crollott chapel
this afternoon at O'Clock. Burial
will be made at Santa Barbara
cemetery.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
$4,000 RAISED FOR
COOPERATIVE STORE
AT SPECIAL MEETING

Stockholders of the local Coop
erative store held a special meet
ing last night at the store on South
Second street to discuss the snort
age OF working capital in the bust
ness. +. O. f. Ames, president OF
tho Pacific Cooperative league,
with headquarters in San Fran
cisco, attended the meeting, at
which $4,000 was raised
After going into the financial
statement of the store, wherein 1t
was shown that there was much
unpaid capital outstanding. an APP
peal for funds was made. The
creeks and notes signed and cur
rency collected at the meeting. to-
gelher with other money forth
coming, furnished the $4,000,
which, it is said, will put the fl
nances Of the store in good shape
for business.
F. McVay is president of the
company and F. f. Mayhem sec
rotary Mr.. Ames returned to san
Francisco last night.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
VARSITY NOTES
(By Edythe Mallaram.l

Miss Edna Miller, Phi Mu
pledge, who attended he university
last year is visiting heI brother,
Victor Miller. She will Ienain the
rest of the school year and is hvlng
at the Phi Mu chapter house.
f, c. Jackson recently returned
to his home in Aztec, New Mexico,
after a short visit to his dduChte 3,
Miss Helen Jackson.
Miss Helen Lindsey, ddIghtar Of
Judge Washington Il. lindsey, Of
Portales, is spending the week at
her home.
Charles Caldwell, manager Of the
"Miragc,' the university annual, IS
daily receiving proofs from FL Paso,
where the books are being printed.
He announces that this years Mir
age will have leather covers and
will be by far the best ever at
tempted by the university Cir
Iculation Manager George Savage,
/, rs planning a drive to sell many adj
tfitional copies. The books cost the
university about sixteen hundred
o"nals. The business men OF Al
/ buquerque were instrumental in
making possible a selling price Of
four dollars each, because Of their
cooperation IN lt5e"aiIy buying ad-
IVertising space.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
STRYCHNINE FOUND
IN THE STOMACH OF
LAKEWOOD RANCHER

John Murrah stomach con-
tanned enough strychnine to have
killed several men" DR.. John D.
Clark, chemist at the state uni
yersity, declared last night after
completing his examination of the
stomach oil Murrah, the rancher
from near Lakewood, who died
shortly after drinking water from
a bucket at his ranch last Wednes-
day.
A post mortem examination was
conducted by physicians near
Lakewood following the tragic
death. Following their opinion
that Mr.. Murrah had died from
strychnine, the stomach was sent
to DR.. Clark for expert analysis
Murrah returned to his ranch
Wednesday noon after hard ride
on horseback over his range land
There were two buckets Of water
in the ranch house kitchen, whore
he had placed them after boiling
the water earlier in the morning.
Bong very hot and thirsty, he
drank a great deal of the water
before he realized its brackish
taste. Feeling that he had been
poisoned, he rode to a neighbor's
house where every effort was made
to rid his system Of the poison.
He died before this was accom-
pliHhed.
DR.. Clark expressed the belief
yesterday that Murrah's death was
inevitable, due to the heavy dose
of strychninc, unless he had been
able to get rid of it almost in
stantly.
William Murrah, a brother of
the deceased, is being held in con-
noction with the case. 1t is pos
sble that q charge Of murder will
be placed against him by the dis
trict attorney at Carlsbad,
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
FORMER HOTEL MAN,
NOW OIL SALESMAN,
IN TROUBLE AGAIN

William A. Hampton was ar
raigned yesterday afternoon before
Judge w. w. Mcclellan on the
charge of passing a worthless
check. He was alleged to have
given Arthur Henry a check for
SIS, drawn on the First Savings
Bank and Trust company, when
he knew he had no funds there.
Correspondence to Hampton
from his wife indicated that he
had given the Manhattan cafe in
El Paso another worthless check,
that time for $50. He also prob
ably gave a worthless check in st,
Louis.
Hampton was bound over on a
5000 bond until today. He was n
police court short time ago foI
disorderly conduct. He had q
fight with his bride of week. A
that time he was managing a hotel
Now he claims to be working FOL
an oil company as salesman.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
U. N. M. SENIORS AND
DEANS TO BE GUESTS
OF KlWANlANS TODAY

An interesting program has been
arranged for the kiwanis club to-
DAY wnen IL members of the senior
class of the State university and
three L. N. NJ. deans will be guests
of the club at dinner to be given
at $50 p IN. in the Y. M. c. A
gymnasium.
Superintendent of Schools John
Milne and DR.. David r. Boyd will
s"eat. rerresenting the education
al institutions of the city, and
a ve Z. ltodey will make an adj
dress on behalf of the club. Miss
Dorothy Cameron, of the senior
class, will play. and Miss Hor-
tense Switzer will sing.
The Sneakers for the senior class
will be Miss Mayme Hart and John
Scruggs. president of the student
body. 1t is expected that there
will be. 100 or more persons in
attendance at the dinner.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-05-18
THE EFFICIENT WOMAN

We hear a great deal nowadays
about the efficiency of women. In
the novels of fifty years ago. VINO
ever heard a woman praised lot
her executive ability, force, and
energy, in the sense that II IS used
to-day? The frail, delicate, help
less ideal of womanhood has pass
ed away. How is it possible to
measure up to the ideals of mod
ern womanhood In the urst
place, we must keep our bodies IN
the best possible condition.
Thousands of women have sue
ceeded through daily baths, eXer-
else in the fresh air, and LYDIA =.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound al
the first sign of female weakness