davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
ONE ON MOTHER.

The mother who was the proud pos
SCISSOR OF twins who were as much
alike as two peas, heard giggling in
the twins bed.
asked.
"Oh, nothing" replied Edith. only
you have given me two baths and
Alice nonA." n QUIET.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
Isn't II about time to refer to
haircut as overhead expsnss?
OIDONO.

Many a man who prides himself
upon his conscientiousness is only
afraid Of consequences.
F. j. SCHWAB.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
bathin' suit can get in the So
cial swim. EAMON 8.

The Chinese claim to have known
all about the telephone thousands OF
years ago. 1t was mean of them not
to have warned US about it.
DAN D. LYON.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

Before marriage. a man treats
his girl like she was a limousine.
After he gets her he thinks she's
a flivver.
CHEERUPADIST.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
Does Your Body
Interest YOU?
vYIHEN you get through with
w this earth, after having seen

ready to see some other places, as
Benjamin Franklin said, what would
you like to have done with your
body, the shell, that must be left
behind.
Sir William Osler, the great doc
Itor, had an interesting idea.
He Is dead, his body has been
burnt to ashes. Learned men are
lcataloguing his scientific library of
eight thousand volumes. The
lVolumes and the ashes will be sent
Ito McGill University, in Canada.
There the ashes will rest peacefully,
near the volumes, once owned by the
man the ashes represent.
To plant your ashes among your
books in a place where young men
and women will come and study,
even though your ashes will know
nothing about it, is good idea
better than jumping down the mouth
of Vesuvius, scattering your ashes
from the Liberty Statue, being
buried in the ocean or some other
lonesome place. If DR.. Osler's ghost
comes back, it will do it's haunting
i'm a comfortable, warm room, and
brighten nobody, the library being
iclosed at night.
One man, known to this writer,
has planned fine resting place for
his ashes. It will be a building de-
voted to the use and comfort of
women, in the period Immediately
preceding childbirth. They will be
made welcome there, provided free
tea, chocolate, comfortable seats and
sofas, books, periodicals, medical ad-
vice, competent nurses and other
'civilized ideas. That thought shows
Intelligence and benevolence COM
bined.
Another man with some money
had planned to endow a luncheon
room for working men where they
would be able to get substantial
luncheon with a glass of beer for 10
cents. His ashes were to be on the
bar, and the workmen were to drink
to his health, in pure light beer at
2 cents glass. But the Prohibition
Amendment has stopped that plan.
Men have had many schemes for
causing themselves to be remem-
bered. Osler's plan seems better
than the huge pyramid, the Pharaoh
tomb, the great monument of King
Mausolus, or even the statue that
was planned for Alexander, to be
cut out of mountain, so huge that
a city could be built in the out
stretched hand.
More important than planning
what you will do with your body,
however, Is doing something
WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE to help
other people, also alive, and make
them regret your death.
Marriage and motherhood are be-
coming less of business. And
women, married or single, are more
and more becoming business women.
Men fifty years old can remember
when the sight Of young woman in
the downtown business district was
startling; everybody turned round.
There were no typewriting machines,
no typewriting young ladies.
Now you learn from the statistics
of New York, biggest city in the
world, that of girls that get married
in New York city, more than half,
Sc per cent, are girls with business
occupations. Sooner or later, the
business woman should adopt busi-
ness dress, preferably a short skirt,
nickerbockers and thick stockings,
E. ,o1,no of <bo ,pb,, occl,lyo Il, 81,
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

An Amazon explorer tells of
wild tribe whose girl members garb
themselves in paint. Why did he have
to go to the Amazon to find painted
girls? HARVARD.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

A complete poll of the
populace indicates that it
Is q physical impossibility
to give the Volstead
Amendment a fair trial.
The whole law is so biased
to the drinking minority
that you can't get twelve
men. good and sober. to act
on the jury.
An Alexandria judge when
asked to convict a moon
sinner upon the strength of
an exhibit of mountain dew
replied that he couldn't
sentence a brother-in-thirst
on such. illegal evidence.
What has become of the
old time philosophy our
grandpops handed down to
us7 How about the shop
worn chunk Of advice about
not buying a pig in a
sack? The Eighteenth
Appendage to the Constitu-
tional crazy quilt forces us
to buy anything we can get
whether its in a sack or q
little brown jug. ~
Jefferson said-"No en-
tangling alliances" Still
young men and old fools
continue to get married
which Is equivalent to q
fly promenading with a
sheet OF tanglefoot strapped
to each foot.
II the eighteenth patch
isn't a coercive piece of
spaghetti to try to make
us promise ourselves we
won't exercise our constitu-
tional privilege of sleeping
in a drunkard's grave, then
Stillman Is a woman hater.
Suffragists wig-wag the
fond information that .wo-
man will save the men and
together they will save the
country.
II the vamping sex
wants to tear of bona
fide piece OF life saving. let
'em show the men where
they can get a shot OF
schnaps that doesn't taste
like young dutch cleanser
and have the soothing in
fiuence of blow on the
crock-picce with a meat al.
So moan vo ALL
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
HINTS TO G.. o. c. CONTRII

HINTS TO G.. O. c. CONTRIBS.
II at first you feed the Goat, try,
try again.
Remember-it is the survival of
the wittiest.
The teeth of the Goat grind slow
But they grind exceedingly small.
M. A. NAIHT.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

Passerby Ito boy looking at burst
main on Seventh street)-'what's the
matter? Main burst7"
Boy-"No. somebody pit on the
trpst. I. J. l.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
MYSTERIOUS CRYPTOGRAPH.

Though it's said that nothing can
stump the maths and puzzle-solvers Of
H and S, have something / think
will stump many of them. 1t Is .
cryptograph, invented by JULES
VERNE. the famous author. although
he declared II was the invention Of q
philosopher of the Middle Ages. NJ.
Verne's specimen was In barbarous
Latin / have substituted a sentence
in plain English, using the same key
as Verne did. Here IL is:
n. FL Z o K e r c
sol DIR NIP
A d l. ID K l. r f
ABB ET r. II s NJ
H. B. ROSSELL
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
THE LIFE SAVER.

Rastus-Yes sab, All saved hum
dreds of lives.
Bones-How's dat?
Rastus-I tagged de railroad train
wild a clothes pin. and de engineer
knowed dat dere was a washout on
de line ]. II. X.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
THE IMPELLING MOTIVE.

A Chicago woman got divorce
from her husband on the ground that
he was an "habitual drunkard," and
the next day married him again to
reform him. Was II love, sympathy,
or fondness for notoriety?
j. BACKENHEIMER
Heinie-Please take me for better
or for worse.
Ethel-Tm sure It would be for the
better. l couldn't do worse.
GREGORY j. BERGLING.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
NEW POETIC NUT.

A NEW POETIC NUT.
BOX CAR HARRY" poetic
nut of the Southern Railway build
ing gets off some rhyme:
"Oh, where are the girls of yesteryears -
Sighed the sentimental mutt.
They're mending the hose Of the girls
of today"
Answered the neurotic nut
She bought a fifty dollar hat,
The price had little weight.
He was a million dollar FISH,
And she used the hat for bait
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
His friends thought he had ap-
pendicitis,
But the doctors diagnosis was
&c. o. Cius NJ. AIBEE.
AT THE REACH.

"Oh, mother, may l 20 out to swim 20
Yes, my darling daughter,
But hang some clothes on your limba,
For the police insist you oughter."
w, WALTER.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
THE UNANIMOUS VOTE.

kiss your yGoosy- w oosie, honey;
Kiss your Goosy-Woo
Then I'll go to bed. my love.
And dream a dream of you"
Then twenty windows raised
And twenty voices said:
For goodness sake kiss Goosy,
So We all can 20 to bed!'
BUDwEISER b
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
Gk11EARl 5SEElff1s,
A NATTER OF INFLECTION.


Il love you! Good nights
She said we parted:
But 'twasn't quite right
i love you. Good night"
Ought to cause great delight
But her tone got me started:
IT love YOU? Good NIGHT!
MAE 4 CURTIN.
PUZZLES AND PROBLEMS.
The answer to the poetic puzzle ut
II. SMITH, DO You Wear One?" is "A
smile, according to the columnle-s.
"BUDWEISER," ATHLETE" and
others get 1t.
To the hidden names puzzle OF J..
U. l.. the fans fnd the names to be
Grace, Wanda, Theda. Thelma ,ad
Doris. Correct answers by SIMPLE
SIMON" LITTLE EVA" "OIMNOr
DR.. d. ALLIES, BERTHA, POOR BUT
TERFLY. MICKEY" and "A FARM
ERETTA"
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

A MISTAKE OFTEN MADE.
Lives of women oft remind US,
As / see them now and then,
Many a one that looks like n chicken,
Often proves to be an old hen.
wRONGFELLOw.
The Washington times., 1921-04-09
X. MILLER
Batting for B. Baer.
ENTANGLING INFLUENCES.

ENTANGLING INFLUENCES
Milk prices swoop to
fourier cents a quart. max
ing the stun cost exactly
one per cent of the current
quotations for likker.
Relative comparisons of
the per capita consumption
of either reveal the joyful
groan that man drinks
about as much crem-de-la-
clabber before he Is TWEEN
ty-one as he does hootch-
de-la-hootch afterwards.
But as the minstrel man
who had been in a stupor
from a slight overdose of
gin-de-la-gin said of pro-
hibition-"When do II be-
gin?"
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

So moan We all
The Washington times., 1921-04-09

Are you interested in the tanning
business, leather stocks and so ONT
Look out for yourself
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
Letter on Vetch

We are pleased to be able TO
publish letter from William B.
Bridgeman, of Sunnyside, treating
on the innoculation of Vetch seed.
September 8, 1921.
The Produce Company,
Kennewick, Wash.
Dear Sirs: Enclosed find several
copies for innoculating Hairy Veach
with soil, also containing informa-
tion as to securing innoculation
culture from the Washington state
college at Pullman which / prom
Used to send you. Growers in the
Kennewick country should surely
innoculate Hairy Vetch in order to
make success with it and I would
strongly advise that you recon-
mend the incubation in all cases.
Speaking as the most extensive
grower in the state and having
grown vetch under conditions SIM
liar to the Kennewick country, /
am in position to speak from abun-
dant experience in regard to this,
and unless the soil has previously
been in good stand of vetch the
seed is largely wasted unless in
incubation is resorted to.
1 would suggest you give copies
of this direction for innoculation
to purchasers of vetch seed. The
culture from the college is easiest
to apply and costs very little.
Yours very truly,
VIM. B. Bridgeman.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
Feed Notes

Henry says tell 'em this for me:
That we just received a car of
Sperry's Surelay Scratch Feed. This
is sure fine looking scratch and is
a winner at a S2.40 price.
In each sack is packed a certi-
ficate emitting the purchaser to
1922 Surelay Egg Record Cal
endar. This calendar will serve as
a complete bookkeeping system for
your poultry business.
If our car of salt don't arrive in
the near, future we will be COM
pletely sold out of our Carryized
Stock Tonic Salt Bricks. They
are sure going fast at the common
salt price.
Watch out for colds and roup in
your poultry. This is the time of
year when they are apt to take
cold. We carry at all times a large
supply of all kinds of poultry ton
les, roup cure, disinfectants, lice
powders, etc.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
More Eggs
Are Wanted

We can sell more eggs than we
are getting and while it is hard to
keep the public advised as to the
paying and selling price, owing to
the ever-changing market, you can
always depend upon our prices be-
ing fair to both the consumer and
producer. At present we are pay
ing SOC per dozen and retailing at
55c. By the time you receive the
paper the market may be changed,
always phone us before taking your
eggs elsewhere.
The surest way to keep posted
on the market is to call 661 and ask
questions. You are always sure of
courteous answer and the cor
rect information.
Walnuts, new crop walnuts are
now in and our price of 35c per lib. is
rock bottom for good nuts. We al
so received sack of fresh roast
ed peanuts this week.
Syrup time is here. THESE MORN
ings make one think of pancakes
and syrup. We have large stock
of best table syrups in now and
to start off the fall sale we will
give absolutely free one package
of Olympic Pancake Flour with
every purchase of syrup amount
ing to $500 or over regardless of
the kind you buy.)
From the National Grocers'
Weekly letter we note that the sug-
ar market has tendency to firm
up little, owing to the heavy pur-
chases of raw sugar by the refin-
ers.
We can look for higher prices on
caned fruits and vegetables accord
ing to all reports.
The crop of California walnuts
this year was much lighter than
expected and prices will rule very
high, particularly No. 1 nuts.
Rice market is very strong. jap
an continues to buy heavily in the
California market. New crop of
Southern Head Rice is being quot
ed at 6Ac and up F. o. B. shipping
points. This makes our present re-
tail price of lbs. for 25c very at
tractive and one that we can't hope
to maintain but few days.
I'VE have another small shipment
Of Lustre Boxes that we are CIV
ing away. also we have a few Of
those nice yellow pen holders that
we are HANGING out gratis.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

at least recover his breo,h usn d
John is native of Athens a..
When he came to this coun, S'sec
name was John Peter coutso.s. lA
poulos. On account of his gro esa lN
Guilty In making his intensive .,'I !. o y
understood he cut Off several - rasll
of il and became John p pa'. :, afds
was drafted for service w,,a De
Greek army during the srs, Nv, ~. l&
war. After being mustered ~ Ds''lA
emigrated to Amreica and founs "a !. Y
ployment in the copper mines ~ ,,' ~
igan. y a'lcl'
After a few years in this oou..
returned TO Greece for y,sl, c ne
was having another little scran nv NV
and he was drafted for thp ss S,su
Balkan war. He did his bit and s ~,
for America again. America eu,.' ~
the war just after John got bach ~ \
he enlisted for his third fling ! ., !.
Infantry. He did it well, and a..
Uncle Sam had given him his Al,
charge, he decided once more % va,
Greece. Result, he's in again,
This time the Greeks have dra,,s,
him for service against the TSrs,
John recently appealed to his Can.
gresham, w. Frank James Of a,
Twelfth Michigan district, opInp,
that he was fed up on wars and thai
he wanted to get out of the army AM
be married. Mr.. James has taken m
the case with the State department
Poulos is a fully naturallzed citizen
hui in the absence Of treaty agre
ments between the United States AM
Greece, his citizenship papers wer
not sufficient to prevent his beln
drafted.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
To Innoculate Hairy Vetch with
Soil by Glue Method

Make a weak solution of glue,
one part of dissolved glue to Is
to 20 parts of water. With this glue
solution moisten the vetch putting
seed is then ready to sow. Do not
have an excess of moisture or there
it in some recetacle and shoveling
it over while sprinkling on the liq-
uid until all of the vetch is moist
ened. Then sprinkle the inoculat-
ing earth over the vetch and stir
or shovel it until all of the vetch
becomes dirty with the earth. The
will be some muddy earth in the
-vetch. Do not allow the inoculated
earth to become dried out or ex-
posed to the direct sunlight to any
extent as sunlight kills the bac-
terra. If drill is not available,
let the harrow or other implement
follow closely the broadcasting so
as to Immediately cover the seed.
Seed when the ground is sufficient
ly moist to secure rapid germina-
ton otherwise the bacteria may
die before the vetch terminates.
Inoculating soil should be taken on
ly from among vetch roots which
are heavily noduled and alive and
active.
incubation culture may also be
obtained from the Washington
state college at Pullman, costing
25c for enough for an acre. This
is in liquid form and very easy to
apply, directions coming with the
culture.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
INDIAN BOYS AS LEGION Men
Charter for Post in South Jaw
Bears the Names OF Four
Sioux Braves.

When adjutants of a numpe arIop
western posts Of the American nes
call the membership roll at in us'.r n
1t is not always the easiest 'n% as,es
the world to make OUT the "a ICED
for American Indians VINO ,,oIur
during the World war, are a..
up with the ex-seryice men, s,,ous
ganization, according to app'ls St,ous
for post charters received al n'
headquarters. a.. pos
A recent charter request lol : names
ar St Charles, S. D.. bears lne Them
of four Indians who s'so .Besr.
selves: Benjamin Comes-os Mar
Charles owl-walks-in-the- Hou ns'en,eDIrd
cisse Mackenzie and John - have
sixty Sioux Indian Draw wsf
been engaged to stage az lsa aupusI
dance for the Legion's thru Cu
national convention in nssssssoupsi
next fall The indians p asmy 10
valiant service against the ne. s' Scouts
the world war as intelligence
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
Honey Demand
is Increasing

Here is a piece of encouraging
market news for the northwestern
honey growers:
Listen, F. ID. Ford, of the Honey
Producers Exchange, Inc, states
that in his opinion the honey grow
ers of eastern Washington will
clean up their entire crop of ex-
tracted honey at present market
prices which range from 10 at II
cents f. o. b. shipping point. Fur
Their more, there will be short
age of honey long before the 1922
crop is ready to be marketed.
"The market at the present time
is firmly established and the de-
mand will grow steadily stronger
until the peak of the season is
reached during the months of Feb
ruary and March," said Ford.
"More honey is being used daily
than ever before. 1t is now being
served in all the local first class
hotels and on the dining cars in
individual glass containers. This
makes it attractive to the diner as
it is not mussy and when the trav-
eler returns home he asks friend
wife to keep little honey in the
house for hot cakes and hot bis
cults.
"During recent trip through
the honey-producing sections of
eastern Washington / found that
the bulk of the crop was still held
by the growers. The crop is spot
ted, due to the damage done by the
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
s66.634 PEAR TREES IN WASH.
INGTON STATE

There are 866,634 pear trees of
bearing age in the state of Wash
ington, 727,444 in Oregon, 1906
$50 in California, an increase of
about 100 per cent in ten years,
and of the prunes of bearing
age, 875,363 in Washington, e.
999, 480 in Oregon and 8,768,436 in
California. Thes figures include all
varieties Of plums and prunes. The
three coast states have far more
than half of all the bearing trees
of these species in the United
States.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

poisonous spray in the orchards.
In the Wapato district, where the
orchards are not so numerous, I
found the production heaviest.
SIN the Idaho district the grow
ers have moved the bulk of their
crop around 3-4 cents. to 9 cents.
Their honey this year is of very
good quality and unusually clear,
which indicates careful attention to
details in gathering the honey by
the growers"
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
KEEP STEPPING

That is what we did Saturday
this was particularly true in the
evening. In times past we have
had our store crowded to a point
where we were unable to wait upon
them all, and last Saturday evening
was reminder Of old times. The
store was filled to capacity and al
though we hired extra clerks we
fear that some of our trade left
without being waited upon. This
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

life I'm riding the ranges was lne ln0''
exciting career he had heard u
til he conveyed carload OF ca'lf
Chicago I'm April, 1917, and founO W.
that America had entered the wal
did Pat.
Going to France with Heaoqua'''u
Troop of the First division s'"p
after Pershing, Private Patterson wa ~
stationed In the peaceful French W
lage of Gondrecourt for wear! 'D'
drab months while the battle WH 81
ing on without him. FINALLY ne INV
two buddies hoped French ues ss
truck bound for the front ~ ,v ~,
them as far as Bar-le-Duc from VIM :
place they hiked in the dlrec''oI IN,
the firing. They found inc iion. LOO,
trenches around Luneville, INTRODUCES
themselves to the amazed polius a au'
declined to leave because they cou n,a.,
understand what the horiNon aa,,
were so excited about. After zen s ss,,
an American officer came 10 Tue -. sm
after them. They polished the cvS y,
pany,s pots and pans for two "e'''
for their pains. -
Patterson finally found enough = !,
citement. At Cantigny he cS'D'
through unscathed. At Scissors VS. !,
chine gun bullet got him through D0p
ankles. At Seicheprey he jumped ~ ~
to a shell hole on top Of German WIZ y
a bayonet. High explosive whicn ,o -
him in the Argonne on October 4 i' =
left his right leg stiff, tore open -
shoulder and broke his nose.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

THE more thoroughly your eyes are
examined the more certain you are
of getting satisfactory glasses:
Skillful lenses manufactured and
prescribed for patients must be
properly adjusted and occasionally
readjusted. My customers appre-
ciate this service. want to number
YOU on my list to entrust me with
your eyes and glasses. DR.. j. j.
Kowalsky, Rift. & Opt, headouar-
tiers Judge Hamilton's office, Pros
ser, Wash. Will be at Kennewick
Hotel the last week in October. 28c
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
Aroument pidn,t Work.

Wife-What did you mean by kiss
ing Charlotte i'm the hall?
Professor-Did L? Really, 1 DO nor
know a thing about i'll must have
been absent-minded when | did itg
Wife-Huhi It's very seldom you
are so absent-minded toward me =
Kasper (Stockholm).
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13
Discreet Statesman.

Senator Snortsworthy seems to have
the gift of oratory."
Its gift acquired under protest"
"How Is that?"
IF Senator Snortsworthy had his
way. he'd depend entirely on the gum
shoe and the high sign and never open
his mouth In public"
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

Irish extraction,
who went A. W.
o. l.. looking for
the battle. de
found IL.
Patterson left
his quiet home In
Muncie. Ind, early
In search of ex'
cite M e n {. He
found what he
wanted in the cat.
Tie ranches Of the
Northwest. HIS
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

NURSERY STOCK = Getting low.
Rush your orders. / sell both whole
sale and retail to the first buyers.
Order direct from the nursery and
save 80 per cent. Send for price
list. Kennewick Nursery, Horace
Wray, Prop, Kennewick, Wash.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

FOR SALE-One bedroom suite, one
leather Davenport never been used,
bedroom suite of Ivory practically
new. Address p. o. Box 500, Ken
newick. 2Stf
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

strawberries, rasp-
berries, and blackberries, Washing
ton asparagus, Burbank thornless
blackberries. Ask for "Facts About
Grapes" Home Nursery Co., Rich
land, telephone 154. 22n
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1921-10-13

certainly speaks well for our new
cash prices ard we will have clerks
aplenty on hand to take care of the
trade next Saturday.