The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1921-08-09
Dorothy Dix Talks
Ourselves and others-1.
BIZ DOROTHY DIX
woriSss highest Paid Woman writer.


TO conscientious people. anxious to
do their full duty by their families,
there is no question harder to settle
than where to draw the line between
selfiShness and unselfishness.
We do not want to be pigs Neither
do we yearn to be the family goat. We
recognize our obligations to our par
ents, our brothers and sisters, our
husbands, and wives, and children, but
we also have a duty to ourselves. And
sometimes it seems impossible to tell
whether it is better to offer ourselves
up on the saerificial altar erected for
us by our near relations, or to turn
our tracks upon it and flee for our
lives. Either way is filled with heart
break and bitter regret.
This problem is peculiarly a fen1i-
nine one because men are not often
called upon to sacrifice themselves
for their families while women con-
stantly are. 1t is conceded that a man
has a right to his individual life and
to make of it what he can, but a
womans life is considered as belong
ing to those about her. and a family
has no more hesitation in taking it
from her, and using it for their own
behoof and benefit than they would
in selling her umbrella and sheltering
themselves under 1t ON a rainy day.
Nobody expects The boys in a fam
at home to cosset a crochetty old
mother and, father. When sister
makes a bad marriage and has
houseful of children with nothing to
support them on she doesn't expect
brother to shoulder her burden for
boys that he must give up all thought
of marriage and having a home of his
own because his mother has died and
there are little brothers and sisters to
be reared.
Oh, no. It's daughter who gives up
her job with its freedom, its inde-
pendence, its pay envelope, its broader
interests, to come home and nurse the
old people. It's sister who puts from
her all dreams of love and romance
to work for another woman's children
and mother them. At the time it
seems a noble and heroic thing to
Martha to give her all to her family,
but when she is an old woman and
looks back upon her sacrificed life,
she is mighty apt to think that her
martyrs crown is nothing but a fools
cap, after all.
| She can see that a hired servant
could have ministered to her parents
just as effectively as she did, and that
her other brothers and sisters should
have been forced to do their part in
caring for them instead of wishing the
whole job on her. She can see that
put thru college would have made
stronger men and women if they had
been compelled to make their own
way.
She can see that she has spent her
strength in encouraging the little
peculiarities and fostering the vanl-
ties of those about her; that her I'M
selfishness has bred selfishness in 9TH
ers, and that, in reality she has wasted
her life in a mistaken sense of duty.
For she has entirely ignored the
duty she owed herself which was to
develop the talents God gave her,
make the most of the opportunities
that came her way, and to provide for
her own future so that, in her turn,
She should not be a burden upon
others.
For that is the tragedy of the fam
ily martyr When she has~served her
purpose nobody wants her. The other
brothers and sisters say how dear and
sweet. and unselfish she is to take care
Of mother and father, but when
mother and father die none of them
want Martha to come and live with
them. The boys and girls whom Mar
tina educated and dressed by taking in
sewing, or teaching, or standing be-
hind counter have no place in their
gay young lives for frowsy old maid
of whom they are ashamed
For the curious thing is that no.
body ever appreciates the family mar
tyr or has any sense of gratitude to-
wards her. Instead there is sort of
tradition that she enjoys sacrificing
herself, and that she doesn't care for
the normal pleasures of existence, and
that she has some popularity about
her that makes her prefer the stringy
ends of the steak, and washing dishes.
and wearing last years hats.
of course everybody loves poor dear
Martha. but they have a sort of con-
tempt for her. too, the contempt that