davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
LARDNER WEEKLY
Don't Make NeU Year Resolutions
 Is Bad Enough NolD

To the editor:
 We'll friends, suppose you know what day this Sunday is without me reminding you, namely New Yrs. day which Is the day when so many peo- pie makes resolutions which they think will improve themselfs in some way. either swear off habits that ain't good for their health or quit wasteing so much money or some thing.
 It is generally always the men folks that does the swearing off, maybe because the ladies is all ready perfect, but whatever is the reason it is the gents of my sex that makes the most important resolutions vile all the women do is stand around and get ready to laugh, except in a few cases where woman will may be get into the spts. of the occasion and take oath to not loose her pocket book more than times dure- ing the comeing VT. or promise that every 4th. or 5th. remark her hus- band makes dureing 1922, she will pretend to listen.
 But it is the mems resolutions which I wish to speak about them at this time. and I hope my readers won't be shocked when I make the tudL TUT dl lcdsC llllS Oilc New Yrs. day it will be better for the gen. well fare if no resolutions is made.
 A remark like this kind no doubt demands a explanation and I am not the man who would make such a remark without being able to explain same. We'll then. 1t ain't necessary to tell nobody that we have been In the throws of a business slump and that same ain't over yet and that when a man quits smokeing or drink ing or decides to become a tight wad he Is dealing a blow to business in gen. and a specially the boot logging business and the united cigar stores.
 Everybody knows that these is facts but what they may not know is that they's other. branchs of in dustrys that is effected even worse by the swearing off evil and that these branchs is all ready stareine ruin right in the eye. I refer to the allied professions of doctor. nurse and undertaken and that part of the real estate game that specializes ir 1t. lots.
 ALWAYS A SILVER LINING
 I suppose you seen in the papers 2 wileago where the insurance com panys reported that 1921 was th' healthiest VT in history. Well tht day afer that report came out they was undertakers in N. Y. city alon,
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
By RING w. LARDNER

that applied for a bankrupt and when they asked them what was the matter with their business, they said so many people seemed to of give up dying.
 About the same time a friend of mine got a letter from a nurse in Chi who said that she was looking around for another job as they wasn't no case no more. Doctors is starveing to death all over the U. S. and Cana da vile hospitals are getting such rotten play that some of the ones that used to be proud is now think ing about putting up electric sign:
 Welcome Leppers."
 That is the condition these branchs of industry in in and they's only one answer namely, that we are too dog gone well all ready without trying to get no better. Even under the pres ent conditions, which is said to be the worst in history from a doctors or pail bearers standpoint, a big ma jority of the people engaged in these kind or arts is headed for the rocks and what will it be if few more of their prospective customers decides not to drink or smoke ourself to death. A panic ain't the word.
 The worst of this situation is that the gents and ladies effected by same is not the kind that can meet the sit- nation and save themselfs by changeing their line of business the way some people could, like for inst. you take a brewer and when the law was past vs. beer, why he could still use his brewery to manufacture near beer or yeast or something, or you take a man that use to run livery barn. why when people begin drive ing cars instead of horses, all he had to do was to get rid of his horses and morals and call his joint garage.
 DOCTORS OUT OF LUCK But suppose a Dr. would half to go to work what would he do? He would half to find some walk of life where you guess for living and they's only a few jobs besides Dr. where it don't make much difference whether you | guess right or wrong, like for inst. telephone operator or weather pro- phet neither of which commands no such ridiculous stipend as Dr. has | been brought up to expect.
 As far as nurses is concerned, you would think from reading the papers | that any nurse could get a job as a show girl as it seems like newspa- per reporter can't write the word nurse without putting pretty in front of it, but personly l been in hospitals myself several times both as spec tator and client and if the nurses
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

cation of wooden ships by Lloyd's Maritime Insurance Association. It denoted that the hull and equipment of the ship in question were il good condition
 O. What is the nature of the bloodIess operation that pr. Lorenx performs? C. Nick.
 A. Dr. Lorenz specializes in ortho- paedic surgery. After years of study he developed his so-called "bloodless" method of reducing congenital dislo- cation of the hip joint. This consists of the forcible stretching of all the soft parts about the hip until the head of the bone can be brought to the place where the socket should be (the acetabulum) and then holding it in that position and rotating the joint to secure it in the depression of the acetabu.um. A plaster of Paris cast Is worn by the patient from six to nine months after the operation.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
A k.ynot. and . False Note

The keynote sounded by Chairman Cordell Hull of the Democratic national committee is false note the inharmony of which with facts must be detected by all who heard it. speech instead of being merely an attack upon Republicanism such speeches expected to be. combined with pledge of future Democratic performances, defense the performances of the party which the nation year and two months ago passed judgment most decisively.
 Democrats" said MT. Hull, "were loyal and on- sstent friends of the ex-service men," Now, very large number of ex-service men are not convinced that they have friends among either the Democrats Republicans in congress Certainly little done for them by any agency during the two years and half of the Democratic administration after the signing of the armiskice. However friendly the Democrats may have been there little of crete results The Democrats through that period may not be held responsible for any failure of accomplishment through lack of legislation but under the war powers vested in the administration some things might have been done, but witnessed little but overlapping effort and wild confusion. So the loyalty and friendship of the Democrats to the service bore fruits.
 "Ever solicitous of his welfare" continues the chairman, 'the Democratic party. when in power. did to advance the interest of the farmer than had been done in all the previous history of the nation. and had planned do much if it had remained in power"
 And what is the condition of the farmer now? said that the Republican party in the nine months of its control has robbed the farmer the benefits the Democratic party conferred upon him during the eight years at his ascendancy?
 The present Republican congress was confronted by the most comprehensive program for the relief of farmer that formulated. And it has fulfilled much of the program and has much of it under way. Are the things 1t has done the farmer the things the Democratic party would have that party had not been turned out of power largely by farmer vote? Did the farmer, who Is the best judge the results of efforts of the Democratic party in his behalf, appreciate these results?
 While the agricultural program has not been carried in full by the Republicans in the brief space of eight months there has been notable legis laton in his behalf and such executive emergency relief has been extended to him as it was possible extend under the powers possessed by the admin istration.
 It cannot be said that the Republican party has done all the farmer it should do that it has yet fully it's pledges to him in its national plat form. It may fail in both though hope it will not and believe it will not. But the very fact that So much yet remains to be done for the farmer Is proof that the Democratic soicitude for the farmer, de- scrbed by MT. Hull futile solcitude. If the Republican party has failed in much for the farmer it has failed in accomplishing what the Democratic party when in power failed to accomplish.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

which was sicked onto me and my friends was cut out for any stage role it must of been one of the gals that they ring up the curtain on in Macbeth.
 The average nurse might make a pretty good sales lady but they ain't no frantic demand for them at this time of VT.
 In places where euchre or bridge whist is popular an undertaken can last a little vile renting chairs but even at $50 a dozen this kind of bus mess ain't going to make him rich as very few private card partys is give for more than s people, and mine hostess may of come from a rich family and own a couple of chairs herself.
 About the only way I can see for a funeral director to get along without funerals is to pour all his embalming fluid into quart bottles. label it Old Stiff and sell it for S110 case.
 But of course when doctors, nurses and undertakers desserts their own field to try and get jobs as telephone girls or clerks or boot leggers, why that ain't going to improve the non employment situation not one iota and in fact just the opp. so it should ought to be the aim of every man woman and child to try and keep the above mentioned artists busy in theil own profession which the only way to accomplish same is for all of us tc take down sick and some of us tc even make the supreme sacrifice and | die
 So' my friends think twice before you give up any habits that you thinl | is undermining your health, becaus' | if they was ever a time, when | would be better to be worse, thii is it.
 RING w. LARDNER. Great Neck, Dec. 30.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

was that any form of taxation of state securities was an of the rights of states. But to that the reply made the federal inheritance law now Ievies tax on securities which otherwise tax-exempt and that this amendment would simply add an additional that portion of estates com posed of tax-exempt securities.
 The support given the Kenyon amendment Is significant of the growing sentiment in favor of eliminating the tax-exemption of future issues of securities. It is doubtful If one vote for such a measure would have been cast in the senate four years ago. while in this it lacked only vote of adoption.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
Congressman Dunn and Drummer Look Into the Ford Energy Plan


 Well" said Senator Dumm, what do you think of this plan of Henry Ford and Thomas Edison to substi- tute energy for gold?"
 T don't believe in substituting en- ergy for anything whatsoever" re- piled Representative Drummer. We are getting along with our energy right where it is, and think we should leave it lay"
 Do you quite comprehend the idea, anyhow?" asked Senator Dumm. No. Do you?"
 Certainly. Now let me see if l can make it clear to you. Have you a dollar?"
 Just about"
 Have you any energy?"
 T have enough energy to keep you from getting the dollar, if that is your your idea" shot back Repre- sentative Drummer.
 Just let me explain" continued Senator Dumm. "The money stan dard in the United States of Ameri- ca today is gold. Now, there are va rious units of value. A unit is a medium of measurement or some- thing of the sort. For instance, Q cent is a unit of a dime, a dime is (
  the Ford idea is to make all these things a unit of energy. Do you gel the idea?'
 You mean that a man instead oi being paid off at the end of the working week with gold would bt paid paid off with units of energy?" "Figuratively speaking"
 Well. where is Ford to get all this energy that he intenes to have take the place of gold?' asked Rep resentative Drummer. 'Mussel Shoals" replied Senator Dunn. You have heard of tn, Mussel Shoals. haven't you?"
 "The body of Zbyszko the wrestler is covered with them" returned Rep resentative Drummer. Don't be stupid. The mussle am referring to is a sort of fish The Mussel Shoals are situated of the southern coast of the United
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

color for months. sometimes even for years.
 O. What was the Jewish title higher than rabbi7 E. M. A. The title rabban was one high
 CT th~n rabbi an, was given first to
 Gamaliel and afterward by way of eminence to the heads of the Sanhe- drin of the house of Hillel. c. When was opium introduced in
 China? F. F. F. A Opium for use as a medicine
 was introduced into China in the thirteenth century by Arabs. The in
 troduction of opium smoking was
 not until the 17th century and came from India The first edict prohib- iting this was by Emperor Yung | Cheang in 1729. O. What was the original "A-no, one"? K. L.
 1 A. The term "A-no. one" origin
 ated as a symbol used in the classifi-
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Paintings by some well known Russian artists says dispatch. in sell for the price of a pair of shoes. That doesn't really throw much light the relation of art to money in Russia, since think have heard that 1t takes millions of rubies to buy pair of shoes.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
SATURDAY MORNING. DECEMBER s1. 1921

To be more or Jess passively irs ac- cord auith our lot and degree, as these are assigned us, is excellent; to be actiUely resolUed to GdUdnce dboue that leveI by selt-culture, by anabi- tiom, by heroic struggle and sacrifice, IS much better.
 -C. Ellwood Nash
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

do not want to npinge upon the circulation department but must warn you that if neglect take advantage of the bargain offer you will lose from dollar and a half to two and half, else lose The Republican altogether and that would be a loss which could not be measured by dollars and fractions thereof.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Only ten per cent of the passenger automobiles in the United States statistician used for pleasure. And from this small percentage must be deducted dozen more supposedly pleasure auto mobiles whose owners saw last Sunday and Mon day lacking them up out of the mud of unpaved streets Of Phoenix and adjacent country roads.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Ambassador Harvey is in France. Our Demo- cratic friends should be apprised that the colonel speaks French with fluency and the abandon with which he has entertained English hearing audiences Let his detractors have their hammers in readiness.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Douglas Fairbanks and Mary going to sell their palatia California home and live in Paris half the year. Doug probably thinks that "D'Artagnan" made half Frenchman of him when in fact he made. "DArtagnan"-what shall w say7
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Extreme poverty Is sometimes the of do- mestic discontent and unhappiness, but we'll have to look beyond that to find out what wrong in the Mccormick household at whose door the saunt wolf never sniffed.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

We not throwing haf-bricks anything at the doctrine of sanctification but only quoting Bert Moses, who says that when is good that he can't be made any better. he's as good as dead.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

We a statement the other day that women ruled the world 25oo B. C. Adding 1921. have the period of the feminist regime date 4421 years. No other government in history has 50 per- sisted.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

twill your home in heaven be for rent will you occupy 1t yoursef?" asked from a Phoenix pulpit. That's easy. There'll be absenteeisn there. and the point of adding, land lords
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

This is embarrassing time of year for those who have bad habits to cast away next Sunday Their situation is only little less unpleasant than the Christmas shoppers of week ago who had money.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

If there is any other town in the United States than Phoenix where the crowds sought the shady side of the street last Thursday. December 2s, we would like to know its latitude and longitude.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

If any tourist displays skepticism when you tell him these fogs unusual in the Salt River valley. take him by the scruff of the neck to the weather bureau office and show him the records.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Speaking about preserving" maintaining the integrity of China, wouldn't restoring" be bet ter word?
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

A French submarine flotilla after all would be only gesture. Why then should it be strenuously opposed?
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Why do they call sudden descent by officer: upon makers and drinkers of booze dry raid?
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

If all men created equal why is 1t that laugh at the sight of some men. weep when others and admire some of the rest?
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Will the late grand goblins get their offices bacs if the imperial wizard don't watch out7
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

This from Life will be reassuring to many picious wives: If wives only knew what their stenographers think of them. they would to worry"
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31
McGuffey's Readers

Speaking again of McGuffey's Readers, which we yesterday had occasion to mention in connection with the subject of textbooks. Dr. Frank Crane in an article in The Republican the same day by curious coincidence stated that Henry Ford by securing with great difficulty First Reader. had the series complete from the First to the Seventh.
 If pr. Crane meant first and seventh inclusive as he undoubtedly did. think he has introduced into the series reader than Dr. McGuffey ever knew about. still may be mistaken, but with what have always regarded intimacy with McGuffey's Readers, heard of Seventh.
 There were originally five readers In the series. Later there revision in which . First Reader of simpler selections and printed in larger type, added. The older First Reader also simpifed and given and larger dress of type. and called the Second Reader, and through list, difficult selections in each reader either dropped transferred to the higher reader of the series. the last of which waich called the Sixth.
 We suppose, among the readers of The Repub Ican there many who will be able to correct ; either pr. Crane.
Arizona republican., 1921-12-31

Ask the tourists whether they ever saw such midwinter weather this.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
BUY THIS SEAL;
AID GOOD FIGHT

Here is a likeness of this year's
Christmas seal, through whose sale
the work Of caring for tubercuIo-
sis patients is to be continued in
this county.
They are messengers OF love,
hope and good viii, and will be
found on thousands of letters and
packages made up by Rock Island
people during December.
The generous buying of these
seals, which cost but one cent each.
will provide ample funds for main
tanning the good work Of the Rock
Island County Tuberculosis asso-
citation.
There is no better way to pre-
vent tuberculosis in this commun-
ity than the buying of Christmas
seals. 1t is a movement IN which
every n may do their bit, no mat
ter how limited my be their means.
The cheerful giver is what counts.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
YOUTH TO PLAY
MASTER PIECES
Phillip kaufman, Violin Prodigy, to
Be Heard in Varied Program
ut Augustana College.

Masterpieces attempted only By
the genius, will be played by Phil
lip Kaufman. 13 year old prodigy.
who viii appear at Augustana col
leg Tuesday evening in a violin
recital. The concert is being
sponsored by the tri-city chapter
of the B'nai Birth.
The program TO be given by the
youthful master includes selections
which call forth powerful and warm
tones, remarkable technic, and deli
cate interpretations. Reviews by
Chicago critics before whom he had
appeared. hailed kaufman as a
genius. The lad has appeared be-
fore large audiences in the middle
west.
The Music News, in reviewing the
work of the prodigy. says: The
boy has a fine appearance on the
stage, is Straightforward in manner
and most in~gratiating as to person
atty. He has been taught the
manners of the stage very care
fully. His technic is nothing short
of remarkable and through its per-
lection he is enabled to properly
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
KNIGHTS INVITE
GRAHAM TO TALK
~.lsrS Invite Congressman to
address Masonic Temple
Gathering.

o@rers Of Rock Island Comman-
No. IS, Knights Templar,
-. extended an invitation to
r..v-esgman W. j. Graham, who
member of the commandery. TO
s.iiver an address at a dinner TO
:. giyen in Masonic temple next
S,nsav evening at $50 o'clock, the
ssnssion being the ladies night"
A. the congressman will be in
,enr Island on that date to dis
-. several matters of Importance
Is the Chamber of Commerce
annmittees. and others, it is hoped
riI ind himself able to accept
me invitation.
Al exhibition drill will follow the
a,-nsr. and cards and dancing are
On the evening program
The annual inspection of Rock Is
,and commandery will take place
Tan %. Harry Wainwright of
GaJesburg, one OF the officers Of the
ard commandery Of Illinois, to be
me inspecting officer.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
PRAIRIE
UNIT Is ORGANIZED

Home bureau unit No. L was or
ganized yesterday afternoon with
% members in the residence of
Mrs. B. V. Marquis, Buffalo Prai-
RE. Election Of officers follows:
President-Mrs. Otis kimball.
Vice president-Mrs. Evert kis-
Ter.
Secretary-treasurer-Mrs. Milton
Nader.
Chairmenof groups were named as
follows: Health. Mrs. B. V. Mar
quis; foods, Mrs. Ben Burrows;
home management. Mrs. Edward
Plat; recreation, Mrs. John Bur
rows.
Addresses were made by Mrs. a.
j. Miller, county president. and
Miss Lucille Allen. bureau advisor.
Unit No. Is will be organized
Dec 16 in the Foster church, Drury
township.
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
HOME BUREAU
A TO GIVE
TWO PAGEANTS

Mrs. Mary G. Ogden of Moline
county recreationaf chairman of the
home bureau, is the author oil an
article soon to be published in bull
letin form under bureau auspices.
in which the announcement IS
made according to tentatiye plans
the bureau contemplates a pageant
of an historical character and re
lating to Rock Island county. 1t
will be presented at the opening of
the county fair next year, to be fol-
lowed by a second pageant at the
annual picnic Of the home and farm
bureaus in which children will par
ticipate.
Mrs. Ogden makes a strong plea
for community recreation through
out Rock Island county in her con-
tribution to the bulletin
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
TRIPLE Rite BY
EASTERN STAR
RAISING Of 800 Membership Mark.
mutations. and Memorial to De-
parted Occupy Chapter.

Members of Rock Island chapter
NO zoS, Eastern Star, convened in
Masonic temple at 4:30 O'Clock this
afternoon in a ceremonial session
"hlch VIII include the initiation of
candidates, a celebration to signal
re n passing or the 500-member-
snip mark. a dinner to all who have
Deen taken into the order during
b past u months, and memorial
TO members of the chapter who
nave passed away during the past
two years.
A class OF six candidates is to be
initiated at 4:30 o'clock and another
class of six candidates at 7:3O
O'Clock. Dinner is to be served at
3 O'Clock, during which music will
be rendered by an orchestra com
The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-11-30
BURGLARS ENTER
HODSON GARAGE;
MONEY rs TAKEN

Burglars last night broke into
the Hodson garage. 1725 Fourth
avenue. h smashing out two win
dows. Entering the Office they took
the till into another portion of the
tanned about SO. The damage was
far greater than the monetary loss.
Clarence Hodson. owner of the
garage. says that his place of bust
ness has been burglarized frequent
ly in the last few weeks.