The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-10-08
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-EPTTAPH:
HExE LIES MANS ANcIEsx KNKaIY,
DILL GAZE.
| wHo pEzsTExs TIE UNLovKD CESS.
HENAkKi

COMPRISING room to begin telling q waiting
world the awful tale of the Yankees DOWNFALL
we had serious Eisgivings- "Aloysius, We
told T. l. W. H. L d. o. s when We reached
home, will call up this evening to razz our
revered parent sheet" He did When" he
wanted to know did the Giants batting ram
page begin? pitchers battle; en-? Must ma
been; they-psed six of EN-
Aloysius is too-er-dam' smart! Wen
have TO put gag on him or he'll ruin our
v. K reputation for accuracy, Veracity' etc.
ct cetery and & so forth
AFTER yesterdays game. and without
knowledge of the result Of today's game as We
write this, this Shaft of Sapience goes on rec
ord here and now with the prediction that the
Giants viii cop the series Not OF course,
that anybody cares mucn
A JURY of the usual twelve good men and
true has acquitted the pulchritudinous tas II
were) Miss Munson- Boy, remove that bath
robe from the Venus de Milo! Justice may be
blind but she appreciates Art
THE G. w.C.f C. c. observes that the news
OF Audrey's acquittaI a charge of posing in
the nude struck a blow at agriculture. The
Back to the Farm" movement has changed 10
Back TO the Big City and the Movies
movement.
NOW let US turn tie major portion of the
coly71nn over TO Cactus. who blooms to gladden.
our colyumistic heart once more. Cactus's
offerings are never edited-they appear as she
writes en- without the insertion of an apos-
trOphe or the elIslon OF COMMA
AUTUMN REVERE.
Autumn is here with its glorious days,
Its red. brown and gold of leaf-strewn ways
CMai Where's my umbrella! these rub
bers " got holes in 'em!)
Indian summers enchanting maze
Enfolds the earth in its dust-gold haze
CMy kingdom Oh my kingdom, for boatD
The Southland filings back one last warm
caress,
Ere Summer takes fight in her rose-ilm dress.
blow, wind. and see if 1 care. My knees
wet now
In whispers the leaves breathe their sad
farewell
(Them haiIstone s, And that wind.
wouldn't they fragile your patienceO
The harvest moon swings round and low.
'Gainst Nights black curtain, an orange glow
Sailing. sailing, over the deep blue sea,
We wont be home until morning so what
care we, care WEI
Nature brings forth all her artful charms
In one last mad, lovely reVelry-
The dancing sunbeams the soft, swishing
breeze,
thousand perfumes adritt DER the leas-
AutHmn. with all the joys thou dost bring
Oh, Glorious Autumn. to thee we sing! .-
y Tm drowned, kid, Gby! Don't bother
sendin fowers)
10 Maxwell here I am again bobbing up
like a cork on the crest of the recent equlnoc-
tial downpour; and if I've got my metaphors
mixed and that wasn't the equinoctlal downpour
then just charge it up TO the fact that I'm a
wouldbe poet and not wouldbe weather prog
nosticator. You'll be paralyzed to learn I've
been frequentin the dentists lately and have
been hobnobbin' with him somethln gorgeous.
He's had everything in my mouth now but his
two feet, and it's got so l have TO buy Spear
mint a package at time for a single chew.
couldn't exactly blame him for marin my fatal
beauty, there bein none thereto mar Fact OF
the matter is when / first arriv in this Free
Land of Liberty l wanted to know right OH
what kind of language people wuz goin to use
when they Civ me the once over, so right away
calls for mirror and one glance told the
storv-Without any fancy language or yaria-
lions on the original melody. So right away
see my mouths goin to be of more use than
beauty and it behooved me to cultivate the
power OF speech, that being the most dazzling
use to which l would be able to put my organ
OF oratory, mine being case where speech
might possibly be silver but silence would be
not only not golden but death. Well, TO get
back to this here dentist, one morning he got
OIL a regular cleaning spree and guess he
| forgot he was filling my teeth and tnOt he was
tidying up the Office and my mouth was the
waste basket. Anyways, he had almost every
! thing in sight parked in and around my tongue
and with many pieces of furniture, button
hooks, hammers ct cetery in there they got to
| floating around in the saliva, and me being
!
cases and such might get nicked 1 yells at him
that there always room for more in an in
stance of this kind and to see if he couldn't
find a few more things laying around loose on
the floor and if nothing else to grab down the
chandelier. anything to stop all the floating
| around. So by that time guess he thot all these
here articles of furniture and otherwize wuz
| disinfected he removes 'em all and starts to
hamperin some more on my jumpin nerves.
Well, anyways, I may live through it ali and
yet again l may not.
| Oh, by the way, Mac, I'm just havin more
fun You know the "Handsomest Reporter
Willums-Well, my opinion is that WiIlums is
rawther handsome, but still rawther dignifed
| l do wish he'd cut off those almost" sideburns
Willums takes his evening meal at the same
place 1 do every evening, tn Y? TASK him.
he'll tell YOU and sometime when I'm SHOWING
my tray along and he doesn't move fast enough
| I'm going to wreck his dignity by showing NV
prickly Cactus-ian elbow in his dignifed ribs
| I'm curious to know IL those sideburns might
come loose from their mornings and start
crawling over his handsome face
| SAME OLD GAG.
SStrange, Watson, That He Should surmise
! Something Was Amiss.7
| From the Keithsburg CIlI) Neysl
-. AS soon as he had made his exit
4 nf fhn a-5 hal