Polk County news. [volume] (Benton, Tenn.) 191?-1983, 1921-08-04

E$$$$S you II 10 pOSSlpAS
to have a crimson
beak and still be
a teetotaler. l am not on intimate
terms with Mr.. Origins, although l
call at his store now and then to pur-
chase some of his cigars, which are
made Of ensilage. He sells the worst
smokes in this town, and should be re-
buked for that, but I'd never suspect
him Of being an inebriate.
HE might become one if it hap
pened to rain gin some night, and he
had a barrel under the rainSpout, but
so long as tirewater costs money there
isn't much danger of Mr. Origins
going astray. He is the most passion
ately economical man ever saw. His
respect for penny is abnormal. A
week or two ago / bought cigar at
his remnant counter, and was short
one cent when paid for it. told him
I'd pay the cent the next time l
dropped in, and l fully intended to,
but l forgot to drop in for several
days. During that period, Mrs. Jiggers,
i met him on the street several times.
and he boned me for that cent, with
tears in his eyes, at every encounter.
A man of that character won't waste
any money in riotous living. You may
paste that in your Sunday bonnet, my
dear Mrs. Jigggers, for your guidance
when you are trying to size up the
caliber of your friends and acquaint-
ances.
II met Mr.. Octagon on the street to-
day and he told me moving tale illus
trating the unwisdom of jumping to
conclusions. The other evening when
he stepped onto the front porch to see
if the newspaper had come, he found
sample package of snuff, which had
been left there by some immoral dis
tributor.
"Mr. Octagon had never taken a
pinch of snuff in his life, and he was
curious to know what the effects were.
Curiosity, l may remark incidentally,
is another weakness responsible for
much trouble and suffering, and trust
you will guard against it hereafter,
MIS-. JISBCIS. H ShuSAAJ
ladies to ransack the trunks Of their
boarders and read old letters which
were not meant for alien eyes. The
fact that you are blushing shows that
you are not entirely callouSed.
"Well, Mr.. Octagon put the packet
of snuff in his vest pocket and sat
around the fire until his wife left the
room on some errand, and then he tore
open the paper and inhaled a few
grains of the stuff. He says he
thought he would sneeze the top of his
head off, and dislocate his ears. He
whooped and kerchooed until you
could have heard him half mile
away, and then his wife came rushing
In.
"'Ebepezer Octagon,' said she, you
go to bed this minute or you'll be down
with pneumonia tomorrow. Don't stop
to argue-l won't hear word Off
with you
"Octagon couldn't get in q word, and
didn't want to very much, being
ashamed to have his wife know he was
experimenting with snuff; so he trun-
died off to bed at seven o'clock in the
evening, and his wife rubbed goose
grease all over his neck and chest and
piled 500 pounds of blankets on him,
and made him drink three or four gall
Ions of yarb tea that tasted like the
morning after the Fourth of July, and
he lay there sweating all night, the
most miserable man in town, all be-
cause his wife possessed the feminine
weakness for jumping to conclusions.
so let us be on our guard against
such mental infirmities, Mrs. Jiggers,
and meanwhile / would suggest that
you replenish the maple strip pitcher.
These pancakes are tooNdry and dusty
to eat without lubricant"