davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
n ENATOR LENROOT of, Wis
y consin, ex-Progressive veteran Of

cOnsin, ex-Progresslve veteran OF
~ the old Rooseveltian forces, re-
Gently attacked the Government for
its relations with a nitrate plant at
the now famous Mussel Shoals.
Senator Lenroot charges that the
Government knew before it spent one
cent on the plant that it would cost
twice as much as Congress had APP
propriated for it, and that it was
thus apparent that the Administra-
ton deliberately. intended to COM
NIT Congress to further expenditures
in order to save what had already
been spent on the plant.
Looking about for a motive for
this alleged extraordinary perform
ance, Senator Lenroot finds one as
extraordinary as the conduct which
he charges against the Administra-
tion. But it will not surprise the
country. Senator Lenroot says:
1.-THE Alabama Power Com
pany would be the chief bene-
ficiary under the proposed legis-
lation by which the Government
intends to operate the plant.
Now this company is controlled
by q corporation with its princi-
pal officers in Montreal Canada,
and Of which, according to cur
rent reports, the British govern
ment itself is tho largest stock
holder"
The American people are becom-
ing accustomed to evidence Of Brit
ish use of the American Government
for its own purposes. During the
war a pestiferous young man named
Denman, who happened to be chair
man of our Shipping Board, caught
British shipping men with their
hands in our pockets up to their
elbows, intending to leave us with
crippled merchant marine after
the war. It took a very delicate
operation to remove those deft Brit
ish shipping fingers SO quietly that
the American people would not
know about it. But Mr.. Denman's
activities were soon cut short by his
forced withdrawal from his public
office.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
Stars and Stripes

It is easier to rescue burning straw
from the fire than to save a fool from
himself.
A coal mine is q savings bank where
thrifty Nature deposited energy for future
generations
Those of us who are so upright that VIC
lean over backwards, cAnnot see where
we are going, and naturally tread on the
rights Of others.
Confidence in a torn string never kept
a package together.
Selfshness, with all its avaricious eyes,
can see no further than its nose, while
Love, though blind, has always led the
way to noble achievement
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
OnCe-Overs
The Day After.
Copyright 1871 Internsu onal Feature Service Inc
Ky J. J. MUNDY.

Copyright 192i Internst onal Feature Service, Inc.
Ky j. J. MUNDY.
"The reason you only so per cent efficient
today Is because you were 100 per cent efficient
last night" says writer.
Something worth thinking about in this.
Last night you thought lot more OF being
good fellow. good entertainer than you did
of being an efficient employe next day.
You cared more to impress your friends than
to be Mt and alert for the work where you
employed.
Is Il not true that you gave little or
thought to how you would find yourself next
day while you were trying to be leader OF fes-
tivities last EVENING"
You forgot how hard II would be to get up
early enough to be in your place at the office at
the required hour. but thought only OF getting
all the amusement going while you were out
with the crowd.
when have you denied yourself an hour OF
enjoyment to he better able TO give hours
intelligent effort in your business?
Amusement beckons, and you go, and wonder
after how you will pull through the day.
Does II worry you that your work sudersf
Think ~ over.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Kings may be crowned
with regal splendor while
the population bends the
hinge in the well-oiled neck.
Mayors may suffer with pal
pitation OF the high hat.
but there will be no cere-
mony at Warren's launch
ing. Cooks and servants in
the suburban belt will be
inaugurated with more deep
purple than will garnish
the first, sad rites on March
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
HE LOVES HER FUDGE.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

am just fifteen and he is twenty. He was
especially nice to during the holidays. and
feel as though I am deeply indebted to nim. lie
simply loves my fudge. and do you think 1t would
be perfectly correct for me to make him some
fudge and send it to him, after he returns TO col
lege The poor boy is only allowed out about
once a month, and i know he is literally starved
for some candy. SUGAR PLUM
Don't let him starve. Fly to the rescue. quick.
But do not include any serious thoughts in the
sending.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

man workers have always been con-
sentative and kept from radical
teachingsi
Not exactly. 1t is due to the fact
that they have been educated for
the last forty years as Social Demo
Gratis, have been taught and allowed
to think for themselves on public
questions. By actually THINKING
about their own affairs, they have
discovered that workmen must do
ONE thing or starve, they must
continue to produce, and that is
what German workmen are doing.
1t might be good idea in this
country not only to permit but to
ENCOURAGE workers to think and
discuss their own affairs. With all
of our troubles, some day, if we find
ourselves with twenty millions OF
dissatisfied, leaderless workers that
have not been allowed or encouraged
to think on radical lines, that may
be regretted. There is no more
dangerous material for a bonfire
than a great mass of men and wom-
en- acting suddenly without an es-
tablished line of thought to direct
them.
knowledge and thought are
dangerous" the slave owners said,
when they made it crime to teach
black slaves to read.
But ignorance is even more
dangerous than knowledge.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

But now all that Is out
like a dry wick. There will
be no masquerade of poll
ticians in silk hats. A
hurried flight up the avenue
and a furtive dash into the
White House refuge to bar
ricade himself behind a
screen OF short-fused vetoes.
Compared with this, Napo-
leon attended a Mardi Gras
and Eliza led a grand CO.
tillon across the Ohio.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

But we are simple people
with simple hopes and sim
plier fulfilmonts. We want
no tinscl with our taxes.
All very we'll for Repub-
licans to frolic in twir
coattails and sparkling hats
but what OF the weeping
Democrat suffering from
forcible repatriation to his
home dot on a cold map?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Her ofore. Presidents
have trundled up Pennsyl.
yania avenue to the clash
of the cymbal and the garg-
ling OF the trumpet. They
have ridden in dign!fed
magnificence astride an Ara
bian steed looking as IL
they hoped to grab tho brass
ring before the caroussel
stopped.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

You can have a lot OF fun at
a party by introducing a lady to
a gentleman, making each be-
lieve that the other is quite
deaf" The laughter they will
create when conversing Is indie
scribable. If looking for some
real amusement. try it!
JULES BACKENHEIMER
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

RUTH G. CURTIS, Washington
composer, offers to the "Treat-'em-
Rough" club, Of the office Of the
auditor for the postoffice depart.
ment, copies Of her latest song,
Treat EN- Rough
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

There will be no more
ceremony attached than
there is pomp and grandeur
drowning a cat. warren
will arrive in Washington
on board a four-year- excur-
sion. address a cortege or
Senators, guess Eyes" to the
oath OF office, and walk to
the White House while the
peanut stands whistle that
Democratic dirge. Hell to
the Chief"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
The improprieties Of yesterday
are the fashions of today.
KERMIT.

Cakie-Last night i dreamed that
l proposed to you.
Jane-How much more sensible you
are asleep than awake.
EDDIE DAVIS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
BEATRICE FAIRFAX
~ GIVES
-ADVICE-

TO MY CORRESPONDENTS:
So many letters come to this department
that it is impossible to answer ell II them
But many are similar. to the other. and
1t is hoped that II your letter is not published
you may find your answer in the reply TO one
who has written s you have.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Will some of the grandfathers of
the column tell us how far back they
can remember seeing various colors
of wool on calves? 2 Us u B.
She-You know my mind is full Of
painting.
He-Yes, l see IL breaking out on
your face. UNO ME.
In the Congressional Record OF
January s, Page 1147, is printed this
Danish name: "Mr. Dampskibssel-
skabet Danneborg.' G. P. o.
Casey-what is a chatting dish?
Callahan-Just a frying pan that's
got into society. o. L. KID.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
THE LIMIT.
Down in the mouth" and up
a tree" +. V.

Bill-When l grow up I want to
belong to the circus.
Johnnie-When l grow UP l want
the circus to belong to me.
JANOULA CHACOEAS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
TO GEORGE MCBRIDE.

Here's good luck to you. hustIing George
Your appointment as boss We view with
pride.
All the fans are with you. through thick
and thin:
Let's hope this year the xonfaion you'n
win.
We all know we'll you'Ii do the best you can
And what more could be asked Of any msn7
DOC RADFoRD.
Up in Ontario, Canada, where the
balloonists landed, AZ degrees be-
low zero is ideal weather; water
freezes to a depth of 80 inches in
the lskes, and six feet of snow y not
unusual. I've been there.
MILO H.
yes" said Biggs. before ! was
married l was a dude. In a short
time afterward l was subdued."
II. SMITH.
In a Washington furniture store
is the sign, 1--WE stand behind every
bed we SELL" I'm not buying there.
HANNAH B.
BOSS. cologne dat dime for me,
won't your
COLOGNE 1t: what do you mean? ?"
II means change 1t, boss. Give me
ten CENTS fer it"
HARPERS FERRY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
BLUE SUNDAY BATHING.

To get salt water bathing when they
take the sun out of Sunday: Fill the
bathtub and put in one-half barrel Of
salt. Put on bathing suits and get in.
HAPPY SIX.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
A BRAIN BUILDER.

II hear George is dieting on canned
gold fish to build up his BRAIN"
He ought to start with whales and
a whole school of them. That chap is
such a biockhead he gets splinters
under his finger nails every time he
scratches his head"
JOE CONKLIN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered U. g. Patent once.
BY X. C.. B..

WHERE THEY live. AND A strangers
smile.
is ON the first floor. AVN
OF A made over house. voice.
WHERE ARTISTS THAT SAID to me.
AMI wn,rvos ill.,. "IF YOU be company
COME ON right in"
' house. ''"' AND ANYWAY.
is ONE of four. THE HOUSE sought.
EACH WITH door. WAS ONE removed.
ALL OF its own. FROM WHERE was
AND THE first floor AND explained.
'''"':' AND APOLoGNED.
RIGHT ON the street. Dirt THE .r,.
HAVE IRON bars. smile:
WHERE THE win BABE ME- come in.
o0"s are AND SO did.
"D JUST LONG enough.
TO DINE with them. ro su.xr Il. how'd
~ :"' ' AND LAUGH with
WITH THE window him.
49, AND MEET his wife.
AND A light. inside. AND THEN want
AND PUT my face. Ar, ,o,,-n
CLOSE TO the bars. friends.
AND CALLED aloud. AND LATE that night
YOUR COMPANY's JUST AS left.
SAW the light.
AND THEN went in. IN THE othsr rom,
49, a. VIZ AND l called again
wuup TUE .,,,or THROUGH THE iron
49, 'A '''''''e' bars.
ru.r sur, rrnr, your COMPANY's
ma ohELiEhhD going"
AND AN answer came
AS supposed. ..oo >
WAS OPENED wide friend"
BY A strangers hand. THANK you.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Although VIM. Shak. speaks of
"the bubble, reputation" good
many bubbles" show no sign of
having originated from soap and
water. JOE {.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
TO TRANSPOSE WORDS.

"Anagrams Is an amusing and IN
srructivc form of mental gymnas-
tics" writes HENRY SMITH. who
suggests the transposing Of letters
in words so as to make other words.
He offers these words, and wants
to see what other words you can get
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
MIR. B. Baer
ON THE TREASURY.

Although Mr.. Hardings
Inauguration will be a SIM
pie one for simple citizens,
that doesn't make Simon
master of ceremonies.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Heed tho prayer OF those
who have been cut off in
the prime OF salary. Hold
that inaugural ball. Not in
the white House. Nor the
Patent office.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
What number, multiplied by
3, will bring 1913? ELM.
A PREDICTION.

Watch the Mohawk Junior A. C.
this spring and summer in baseball
and again next fall in football.
These boys have splendid athletic
abilities. TWO HACKERS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Two went for a ride with their beauI,
One forgot and wore roll-down heauN.
II was mighty lucky for her
They were topped of with fur
Or else, i am sure. she'd have freaux.
WILLIAM NJ. II.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
Only One More Chapter
In Series of Betrayals

Then we have the wonderful story
Of the British treasury's chief rep
resentative at the Peace Conference,
Keynes, on how Lloyd George per
suaded the President to abandon his
own Fourteen Points in favor of the
British navy.
Then we have the British propa-
ganda to force the President into an
unconstitutional war against the I'M
offending Russian people, 80 prevent
ing us from having the advantage
over the English that a continued
friendship with Russia would have
given us while England was attack
ing her.
Then we have the British intrigue
which succeeded in turning over to
Japan those German islands in the
Pacific, the possession and the forti-
fcation of which our army staff de-
clares now make it impossible for
us to hold the Philippines in case
of war with Japan and compel us
to abandon Guam and retreat 5000
miles to the Hawaiian Islands.
Then the Secretary of the Navy
and our own oil interests have
charged the British government with
attempting to monopolize against us
the worlds oil resources outside the
United States, while we allow Eng
land an open door to all the oil wells
in this hemisphere.
And now comes the charge from
the United States Senators from
California that the British are sell
ing to the japanese oil from wells
that the British own in California at
a price much less than they would
sell it to American citizens.
These are only some of the acts of
friendship which have been dis
covered. If this is friendship, then
what is enmityi Yet the Admins
tration is actually proposing to deny
proper care to our wounded soldiers
and justice to our other veterans,
while we graciously tell the British
government that she need not pay
to US $25O,OOO,0OO a year as
interest on the money that she Dor
rowed from us during the war.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.

These questions you might aSl
and withhold the answers:
Which Is the only way leopard can
change his spots? By going from one
spot to another.
when does n son not take after his
fathcr7 When his father leaves him
nothing to take.
why is woman's beauty like $40
rreenback7 Because when once
changed II soon goes
what was the color Of the wind and
waves in a storm? The wind blue
the waves rose.
what word il II Of only three syi-
tables which combines in II twenty
six letters7 Alphabet
What IL that which young girl
looks for. but does not wish to find?
4 hole in her stocking.
why are cowardly soldiers like tall
low candles7 Because when exposed
to the FIRE they run.
Why Ia false friend like the let
ter Y? Because, though always first
in pity, he Is always last in help.
II. ID. BILLINGS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
THE OBLIGATION.

THE OBLIGATION.
! believe in the G. o. c. (1rdnd
old column and every day enjoy
the cork Of the fans. To me 1t Is
continual source OF fun aud
laughter. 1 therefore believe It my
duty TO read It every day, to obey
its rules, and to submit all clever,
cheerful, aud amusing things 1
think of or Eear. N. Il.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

VI II hens lay ~ eggs in II
days. how many hens will be re-
auired at that rate to lay 200 eggs
In so days? Il. r. S.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Second thoughts are the best
but they ought to come first.
+. w. Il. .
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

But hold II in the Pension
Bureau.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
HERE 1T Is.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:


I young man seventeen years old I
in love with girl near my age. l love her more
than have ever loved any other girl in my life,
but she does not care for me anything like do
for her. Some days she won't even speak to
from an hour to two hours She has a terrible
temper. and think that II l said anything to
her that she would give me up As 1 could never
love any other girl like l love her. please tell
me, Miss Fairfax, what to do to make her love
me more than she does. LITTLE ADVICE.
believe you are trying to kid" Miss Fairfax.
I wish I knew your mother. would ask that
live bread and water for couple of days.
You're little too old to be spanked. Your let
ter Is so silly. Seventeen, and talking about
love seriously. You need more football, basket
ball, and baseball in your life, and less girls.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
am young girl eighteen years old and have
been going with a fellow for about two years.
I like him real well. He says he comes to see
mo every night That he is off He also tells me
that he loves only me, and thai he goes with
one but me- l really doubt what he tells me, be-
cause he is handsome, and he says II in such a
joking way. That hurts me very much, Miss
Fairfax, l am true to him. l go with other
fellows, and | prove II.
What want you to tell me Is this? How can
whether no loves me or not
BRoKENHEARTED
II only fairy stories were true, l would trans
form you into a mouse and place you in the
pocket of the young man. That would be one
way OF finding out IL he were true. The 1921
method is to take his word for II. How much
that worth to your
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
11EARl,nSEEf$A
By BILL PRICE.

MORAL INFLUENCE OF n AND q
morning told me that her three boys-
ixteen, nineteen and twenty-t~o-for-
merry spent their nights In a pool room.
One Of ths neishbors got them interested
every evening away from bad Company.
saving money and making the home
brighter. They put the time In working
pnsass and nd problems an. nd s o11 yd the
gets EN-. doesn't III
]. BAcKENHEIhER. SIT NJ W.
Oh and gets many letters from
boys and girls telling OF the extra
hours they spend In the evenings
trying to write poetry or fun ac-
ceptable to the column.)
INTRODUCING POsTOFFICEs.
LEAH G. and ADAMS submit this
interesting letter made up OF post
offices In many States:
DARLING (Aiss) MAIDEN CMont);
DARTS IN. " Of LOVE tArkl burst
from my HART tMich) for my HONEY
DEkRY uD. I will ask PAW PAW
get his FooTE tMi.s) we'll make
HAsTY tArk) TRIP ts. D. TO the
r PaS snS sa K k sss %IsxGN SfTEP
tys) in a FORD Ud) for our HONEA
(TeH) MOON tKy).
My DEER tArk) III be your ACE
and in our little FLAT (ky) wen have
full HOUSE (TeI) soon.
An ABUNDANCE tMonD OF LOVE
TO CAREY tohio) my FAIR (TeIj
DAMSEL tho) away.
RoMEos tMich) Only Rival
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
RUDE BAREFACTS QUERIES.

hUbE bAhEFACI - QOERIES.
q. ny kusband 10 Uery strong.
SOMETIMES ne beats me. HoU con stop
thsf-hs hu-
A. Don't let him eat cheese or onions.
Feed him cream and exgs-then you
can whip him
Q. ON aoqualsted 10Th q pory
beautiful, toeaIthy oirl t0hose oompanv
Is distastefuI TO me. Ho0 con I apoid
her company tolihOut insulting hort
q. Roysee.
A. Send me her name and telephone
number at once.
Q. Last night took machine ride
pnh q boy friend Of mine. Was that
aH rt0htf-Atss Conduct.
A. sure-if you didn't go too far.
q. NY mother-tH-LaU Is a very
NERVOUS Doptan, subject 10 sowsous bu-
Iisu. Lat night she almost fell out Of
q totNdoD. Pleoso tell me phat
should dof-Hen Peck.
A. Open all the windows at night
OHIO.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

AL. B. offers handsome hand
embroidered egg-beater for the best
answer to the question: Which is the
most pathetic figure-the girl in silk
stockings freezing to death or the
one in wooden hose beino tickled 10
death?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Uubby-Wifle, | want to apologize
for the mess the boys made tonight.
wiie-Oh, I expected n bunch OF
HESSRS when you said the boys"
were coming over for a game.
HARPERS FERRY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17
GOURr-MARTIAL.
COME ON IN.

COME ON IN.
Dear Bill--We, are just a couple OF
fishes who want to get into the II and
S aquarium. IL we are eligible we
may have some good fish food In the
future.
BOOMERANG & ORANGUTANG.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

When I was leaving my room in
a New York hotel recently, l noticed
a reminding sign, reading: Have
you left anything ?" After paying my
bill / was convinced that the sign
should have read, "Have you any
thing left?" V. w M.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Crinoline.
Gallantries.
metropolitan.
Misanthrope.
Potentates.
Revolution.
Telegraph.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Molly-The doctors say that thou
sands die annually from drinking
coffee.
ChoIly-Gee! but I'd hate to die an
nually. r. II. A.
The Berning Hotel bunch is form
ing the "Benning's Bull-shooters
Union" j. HOLMAN is talked Of
for President. ]. S. NJ.
GOURr-MARTIAL.
Major L. (ex-ball player)-Execute
Private Smith tomorrow at sunrise,
and Private Jones on Wednesday.
Sergeant Book-Suppose II rains to-
morrow, Major. what shall ! do with
Smith?
Major L.-Give him a rain check,
and have a double-header on Wsdnes-
day. PHOEBE.
The DOGGY man o. childhood has
become two realities-the landlord
and the coal man. F.. VETTER.
Jiggs-Your neck reminds me of
typewriter.
Biggs--Why?
Jiggs-Because it's Underwood.
ANDY MADDOX
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1921-01-17

Is this due to the fact that Ger
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1921-10-07
Bowling

Failure of the Bankers to show up
for their game with the Maher Meats
in the Commercial league, permitted
only four teams to roll Thursday
night This is the second time the
league has not been able to roll a
complete schedule, because of some
team failing to put in an appearance.
The Bakers won two out of three
from the Hines Dairy. dropping the
first game, but coming back strong
and capturing the next two. Nick
captured the high score and high ave
rage of the evening with a score OF
191 and average of III. -.-
The most holly contested games of
the evening were played between the
High School Teachers and the Kings
Hat Store teams. The Teachers won
the first game by three pins, drop
ping the second game, and pulling
through the third game in fine style
winning by several pins.
Van Etten rolled the high score and
average of 1S5 and IA, respectively
The scores: