The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-09-21


 caddy is youth who carries your golf clubs over the course and has his own opinion of your game.
 Sometimes he expresses 1t and sometimes he doesn't. In either case you are just as much abashed.
 After you have played 10 minutes with the average caddy you feel as If you had been playing the piano with Paderewski to turn the leaves for you.
 At the end of the game, when he takes your butter and drives a green crab apple father than you can drive feel more that way.
 Caddies come from all places ex. cept homes. Apparently none oi them have fathers, mothers, broth CTS or sisters. Neither have they any domestic feelings, or any feel ings of any kind for that matter.
 They are of assorted sizes. Re- gently four of us paying on Hudson river golf course had four caddies, none of whom was less than six feet tall.
 They called us all by our first names. or by insulting nicknames WnICn they invented a1ter lOOklnE At them we didn't do 1t,
 Whenever Brown would address the ball, one of them would say:
 There goes Bill into the rough again." and another would add--'If the dumbbell gets the ball off the tee"
 After they discovered that Brown came from Ohio and chewed tobac- co they stopped calling him Bill and referred to him as "Chewey.'
 "Chewey's two up on you Shorty" my caddie would say consolingly. "but if you step out you'll get him yet I'm goin' to swat a tree with brassie every time he starts to drive after this."
 When he was told that this sort of thing wasn't done very much on golf course. he seemed grieved at my ingratitude.
 T was just tryin to help you into couple O dollars, you poor little sap, he said dismal1y.
 Whenever we approached any one ahead of us, our caddies grew. par ticular belligerent.
 Drive into em Clumsy. and soak 'em in the egg" said one of these simple children of nature to the worst player among us. You can't git the green but va might get one of them stiffs. We ain't supposed to wait all day while they plays mum ble-peE over the fairway."
 We were rather relieved when that game ended We never saw those caddies again, and never hope to sec them. Still they are inter- estlng: They were different.
 Sometimes caddies are appealing and pathetic. f M
 One sad faced little fellow in the White mountains. said that somebody in the caddy camp had stolen his watch, and $10, and a hundred and fifty nice new golf balls he had picked up here and there on the course by keeping his eyes open.
 I was dreadfully sorry for him and wanted to take up collection for him till it developed, that he had got the hundred and fifty golf balls out of bags of clubs given him to clean.
 When you come to know caddies you will talk to them very little about your game.
 Unless you can play better than they can, they regard you merely with contemptuous tolerance. And unless you are Chick Evans or Jim Barnes or somebody like that, you can't play better than they can.
 Above all things never. ask them how many strikes you took for par ticular hole.
 If they tell the truth you won't be- lieye them. If they lie for you they will expect a handsome reward at the end of the game. In default of this remark they will pull out a card they have been keeping privately and confute you just as you are about to gather in your wager.
 In Scotland, am told, all have long gray whiskers and carry flasks on their hips, nips from which they dispense at shilling g nip.
 They are very efficient, but their native thrift makes them extremely disinclined to lose balls
 If ball goes into the rough the game is stopped until 1t Is found