Atlanta tri-weekly journal. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1920-19??, 1921-05-03
PREPARATIONS MIDDLE MADE
CLEAR BY LEGERDEMAIN
BY ROBERT BENCHLEY
11eased Wire Service to The Journal.)
(Cnnvripht 1921

NEW YORK, April 30.-It is high
time that some one came out with
clear statement of this German in
demnity business. For weeks and
weeks officials have been rushing
about holding conferences and coun-
ellis and having their pictures taken
from the up and down the steps of
buildings. Then, after each confer
ence, the newspapers have printed
a lot of figures showing the latest
returns on how much Germany owes
the bank, And none of it means any
thing.
This dispatch will, therefore, give,
in full, an Interpretation of the sit
uation, so that after reading it the
German people will know where they
stand.
In the first place, it must be re-
membered that any sum involving
the German mark has to be translat-
ed into vegetables. The German
mark, as a piece of money, is good
for a hearty laugh il any Of the
more prominent financial circles.
Thus, when we see that the May
account rendered - 132.000,000,000
gold marks" we have to take pencil
and reduce that number of gold
marks to it's equivalent in radishes,
taking one gold mark to equal two
ffair-sized radishes. This makes &C.,
000,000,000 radishes that Germany
owes.
But right here complications arise:
There aren't that number OF radlShes
49, yETn
count in the members OF the for
mer royal family. When this was
discovered another conference was
held.
Now there is a certain, principle
which has to be followed in all fl
nancia1 discussions involving sums
over one hundred dollars. There is
probably not more than one hundred
dollars in actual cash in clrculatlon
today. That is, If you were to call IN
all the bills and silver and gold In
the country at noon tomorrow and
pile them up on the table, you would
find that you had just about one hum
dred dollars, with perhaps several
mint life savers. All the rest of the
money you hear about doesn't exist.
It's conversation money. When you
hear of transaction involving S5O,-
600 900 it means that one firm wrote
$3.50, 100000" on piece of paper ana
err firm took it home and said, look,
mamma, I got $50,000,000!" But
when mamma asked for a dollar and
a quarter out Of it to pay the man
who washed the windows, the an an
swer was that the firm hadn't got
more than seventy cents in cash.
This is a principle of finance. 80
long as you can pronounce any num-
Der above a thousand, you nave got
that much money. You can't work
II no
or the restaurant owner, but 1t goes
big on Wall street or in the 1nterna-
tional financial circles
This much you understood, we see,
that when the allies demand 132,O0O,-
100000 gold marks from Germany
Germany has ever seen 132,OO0,OOO,
600 gold marks, and never will. A
more surprised and disappointed lot
Of boys you couldn't ask to ind than
the supreme financial council Woul9
be if Germany were actually to send
them a money order for the full
amount demanded What they mean
is that, taken all in all, Germany
owes the world 132,O0O,0O0,O00 gold
marks plus car fare. This includes
room, good will, everything. Now,
it is understood that if they really
meant this, Germany couldn't even
draw cards; so the principle on
which the thing is figured out IS as
follows: (Watch this closely, there
is a trick in IT'D
You put down a lot of figures, like
this (any figures will do, so long as
you can't read them quickly.
100000 100000 gold marks.
$44,000,000,0 on a current value
basis.
$32,OOO,O0O,OO0 on reparation &C
count plus ~ 1-2 per cent yearly tax
on German exports.
100000, 900 gold fish.
$135 amusement tax
100000, 900, S66,000 miles diameter
of the sun.
100000, 900.
31,O00,0 100000.
Then you add them together and
subtract the number you first thought
of. This leaves eleven. And the card
you hold in your hand is the seven
of diamonds. Am I right?