davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1921-04-05

Perhaps you have thought that
the only protective service the
HOLMES COMPANY is pre-
pared to furnish is the Holmes
Electric Protective Service
which has guarded the homes
and business properties of New
Workers. for more than sixty
years
But Holmes Protection is not
limited to the famous system
which provides AN electrical
connection between the doors,
windows and other points of
entry to a subscribers premises
and conveniently located central
Offices. In addition, the Holmes
Company has day and night
patrol service that is remark
ably complete and effective.
This patrol service is rendered
in variety of ways by we'll
trained, carefully selected men.
It's cost is surprisingly small
considering its character and
nnquestioned value.
For a comparatively small sum
per month you can have your
home or your business property
guarded by Holmes Men in
Gray. These men cover pre-
scribed posts of duty during the
night, testing doors and win
dows, watching for providers,
guarding against fire and detect
ing irregularities which might
cause serious loss. They serve
in the residential districts and
in the business and loft sections
and every night they discover
and remedy conditions in way
that saves the Holmes clients
thousands Of dollars.
Then there is the special Holmes
protection available when you
are called from town and want
to be sure that your family and
your household property will be
well guarded while you are
away. A telephone call to the
Holmes Company an hour be-
fore you leave the house will
bring a trustworthy Holmes
man who will stand guard in
your home as long as you re-
quirc his services.
Holmes men guard cashiers or
messengers with payrolls in
transit. They arc employed daily
by banks and commercial in
situations and in the jewclry dis
trict.
When town houses are closed
either the Holmes Electric Ser
vice or the Holmes Patrol Ser
vice comes into use and, in ad-
dition, Holmes patrolmen 60 out
into the country for special
work at summer homes.
The great thing about Holmes
Protection is that it is always
available for almost every pur-
pose in almost any quantity. One
man or ten men, patrol service
or private house service, pay
roll guardianship, business pro-
lection or country home work;
you can quickly secure nst the
service you seek and get it at a
cost that made one client ejacu-
late rs THAT all you charged
Holmes protection really pro-
tects. 1t is given by Men in Gray
who cooperate with the Men in
Blue - the well-known central
Office guards who respond to
alarms received electrically. 1t
assures untroubled sleep.
IT. - cxl
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
HUM ANISMS
William AthertOn Du Puy

Ideas that may sweep the world may be incu-
batting in the new countries Of Europe, says DR..
Bendrich stepnack, the new Czech minister to
the United States.
Compulsory voting, for instance, is written
into the constitution of Czecho- -slovakia That
new nation has already held an election in which
every man and every woman is required to vote
or! so to jail 1T worked. The result was that
the will Of. the whole people was recorded. Here.
y Is held; is the first instance Of government
which Is In reality by the whole people.
In the United states one of the faults with
the government has been that many OF the most
is that voting is a duty which citizen should
BE REQUIRED TO perform This man from central
BNpope believes that the theory Is so obviously
CORRECT that IL win sweep the world.
DurinsA<he war the office of the adjutant gen
messages thxt,might go to France. Maj, Gen.
Peter c. Harris IN charge. Tremendous pres
sure was brought te bear to get personal mes
sages through, but cKicial dispatches kept the
lines busy every minute. s''- r..
One anxious mother wh6>had not heard from
inportuned General Harris to send just fash OF
inquiry. eEf 2? - '.,.
the front. have not heard from him in six
weeks, but know that his organization has-been
in the thick OF the hghtins. have not sentSa
word of inquiry as to my own SON.
And at tire, m onent, he spoke his was dead
in France had fallen leading his company over
the top
When Representative Joseph w. Byrns. OF
Nashville going about. his district last fall
ating the bush for votes. he had one of his
meetings completely spoiled and in a rather pc
culiar way. A..
There were two speakers ahead Of him and
when each of them was well under way pip.
ing,syoice in the back Of the hall pped up, with
this inquiry:
How about the kennal:" with the emphasis
on the hrst syllable. 49,.
Neither speaker got just what the interrupter
was driving at. ignored the question and went
on. Soon the query, ,"how about the kennsl" was
repeated. Each speaker found himself thrown
out OF his stride, fused and djsconcerted. Each
cut short his speech and sat down. = =
Finally. Representative Byrns arose for the
talk OF the evening. He hadn't been going long
until that puncturing thrust TO his inflated en-
thusiasm came from the rear. ~, \.
How about the kennsl?" aueried the piping
voice. 81" + ~
Byrns WIS mystifed. put out of stride. He
. reeled a hit recovered himself, got the flow OF
his oratory to swishing gracefully between the
banks of his Imagination. Then the dread ques-
tion came again. 1t wrecked him. He went to
pneces was sunk without trace q
The three orators were riding back to Nash
Vile In an automobile, gloomy and disconsolate
when suddenly, one of them saw great light.
II know what that little feiler meant" he ex-
claimed. cit was the canal. He wanted to be
told about the Pansma Canal" ..
CCopyrisht, 1?21,sby Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
MAY 10, 1921
n Personal Loss to Wash
ingtOn People
By BILL PRICE.

The deaths of Chief Justice WHITE, of the Supreme
Court, and FRANKLIN H. LANE will be deeply felt by
thousands Of Washington people who knew them person
ally and loved them The nation fully cognzant of the
great services they have performed will measure their loss
as blow to the country.
Here in Washington the people accustomed to
tact with prominent public life and there is not the
glamour prestige attached high positions there
is in communities where national characters seldom
seen.
While people of the National Capital appreciate to the
fullest extent the services rendered to the nation by states
and usts Of renown, it is the personal side of the
famous to which they become attached
Justice White and Mr.. Lane widely known to
Washington people and everywhere beloved for their SIM
pcy of character, their unailing courtesy to high and
low, and the ovabeness of their personal lives Success
in exalted positions had not alenaed from either desire
to keep in close touch with their fellow humans and to
those in trouble distress In the Interior Depart
ment Secretary Lane mingled freely with his employees IN
the organization which he fahered for the purpose of bring
ing all his coworkers together pleasant social and per-
sonal intercourse.
Chief Justice White familiar figure the streets
and in business institutions going and coming in the sim
pest manner stopping and chatting with friends
he would meet. Only few months ago he gallantly
escorted dangerous street crossing aged and
humble woman poorly dressed who Seemed bewdered at
the traffic dangers she saw ahead
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
Fighting by
". Proxy

IN olden times disputes between
Kings (who in those days were
the state; the people paid the
score, but had nothing at all to say)
were sometimes settled through
"trial by combat"
Each King chose husky knight,
enclosed him in boiler-plate, put a
small telegraph pole in his doughty
grasp, set him on a caparisoned
steed and sent him fitting at the
adversary.
The King whose knight knocked
the other knights block off won the
war, and the subjects of the loser
paid the assessed indemnity, but
escaped long pension list.
1t was a decided improvement on
modern war-cheaper, less bloody,
more quickly settled, better sport
while it lasted, and not messed up
by prolonged subsequent strivings
for strangleholds in peace.
It's pity that the coming meet
ing between Carpenter and Dempsey
couldn't be used in this way.
If any two of the game-cock new
nations in Europe, now so eager for
gore, could be persuaded to pick
these nifty pugilists as champions
and sign articles to abide the result,
it would give zest to the combat,
swell the gate receipts, insure better
and swifter fighting than is custom
ary in the trenches, and there'd be
fewer bills to pay.
Fighting by proxy!
Surely that's a medieval custom
worthy of revival in this "let
George do it" age!
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
FROM THE PUBLIC
TO THE
EDITOR.

To the Editor of The Times:
Evidently 1t hasn't occurred to panicky off,
cials and excited populace that regulations
will not of themselves correct unsatisfactory
conditions resulting from the growing use OF the
streets by automobiles. There are laws a-plenty,
but the trouble is that they are not being en-
forced. Reckless drivers endsnger not only the
lives and limbs of pedestrians, but they also
imperil other drivers who are endesvoring to do
the right thing.
And the burden Of safeguarding citizens should
not be imposed entirely upon the auto driver
Washngtons streets are broad and ample. and
under right conditions there would be few acci-
denfs. But hundreds of jay-walkers daily en-
danger theirSlives. and the use Of the highways
as playgpouhds by children is not conducive to
that satisfactory situation which is sought by
all properly constituted drivers
incidentally what is the real meaning OF a
proposed nationwide campaign OF motor inspec-
tion by policemen who know as little about
motor, car as does the average driver? 1t Is a
remarkable coincidence at least, that this cam
paign comes with the Stacking of the automobile
industry and one may be pardoned for the
curiosity that prompts him to ask whether we
cannot here trace effect from its logical cause?
Chambers of commerce are urging newspapers
to urge public officials to get after drivers OF
repairs, but really with the object of compelling
them to purchase new 1t would be inter
esting TO know who put the bug" in the
OF chamber of commerce publicity men.
Your paper prints great deal of comment
about automobiles and their drivers, but IL hasn't
occurred to the writer's that in every instance
where accidents have happened the offending
driver has been operating. not a dilapidated
worn-out car, but one that possessed entirely too
much speed for the maniac who operated IL. II
you can cite one instance where accident re-
suited from defective steering gear, lighting or
brakes, then ] will withdraw, the insinuation
that the newspapers are lending. themselves to
campaign that seeks not greater projection for
the public, but larger pronts for automobile
manufacturers =.
Why cannot your newspaper. make this an
exceptional case and give to the public some OF
that interest and attention that heret tofore have
oeen commanded entirely by your advertisers? :?
J.LlMARTYN, J. Upper Marlboro.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
THE PARTITION OF RUSSIA.


Dear SIR A part OF Russia territory OF about
o0,ooo square miles has been awarded by the
AIMED powers TO Rumania. We Russians are not
surprised that Rumania took tit came so
easily. Why wonder, has Liberia been de-
priYed OF her opportunity OF securing slice Of
RUSSIAN territory. since, L have no doubt II she
went BACK as far as the time of Adam she could
tihn some sort OF claim or, at least. some thing
,hat would serve the purpose. claim is all
that seems necessary nd any old claim, appears
to do. so long few well sounding phrases
suffering under foreign yoke" are thrown in
TO cstcn the popular fancy. Russia is down and,
II looks as II the allied and associated powers
hunt in packs--each is entitled to what 1t can
snatch. .ify - - 'T- -
we Russians, are presented with a most baf-
ring problem by allies Tin all this I ex-
cept the United States whose policy the
only dream that we were lighting in the cause
OF the allies? Up to the present time Russia
has lost territory many times greater than Ger
many with the approval OF the League of her
former allies. and the allies win not think OF
permitting Russia not to pay her enormous debt
is II TO be supposed that Russia. will submit
forever to the decision or the allied powers
garding her territory when she had part in
arriving at that decision? ....
in this connection IL Is pertinent to recall the
dispatch from Paris that SOVIET Russian troops
are concentrating on the Bessarabian frontier
Is. Russia). II expedition of these troops
ever takes place against Rumanis, it's policy viii
be based on the protecting OF the sovereignty
uf Russia and natural desire OF Russians to de-
fend their country against dismemberment.
LIEUT.. woLDEMAR DE SvESHNIKOFF.
Imperial Russian Government to the United
StateA "
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
CHANGING THE CALENDAR.

A bill has been introduced in the
House changing the calendar from
Gregorian to Perpetual, effectiv,
from and after December %, 1924
Part of the interesting features ART
these:
The year to be divided into THlR-
TEEN MONTHS of twenty-eight days
zach
The extra OF. thirteenth. month shall
come between June snd july and to be
Each month to be divided into four
weeks cf seven days for each week.
sunday shall be the first day of the
year. the irst day of each month the
first day Of each week and shall be
the LIST. sth, 18th and 22d
Monday shall be the I'd, 9th, 18th.
23d. etc.
Tuesday shall be the srd. 10th, etc.
shall be an Independent holiday. and
on each leap year there shall be two
INDEPENDENT holidays to constitute the
full year.
Tues January 7, shatl be Christmas
Wodn@ day, February IS. shall be
Llncoln's Birthday
Saturday, March ~. shall BE- insugu-
ration day OF the President,
Tuesday June 10. shall be Decors-
Friday. Center ~. shall he iodcpen,
N"ni v september :. shall he Labor
Tus ay, November ~. shsn -
ArnisiiNe Dsy.
Tuesday. Dscembsr q .hail ~
Thanksgiving Day. CHAALLA
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
Aircraft to Japanese,
Sympathy for Uncle Sam
. RITAIN'S excuse for selling
- war-remnant airplanes to Japan

~ RITAIN'S excuse for selling
ID war remnant airplanes to Japan
is that we declined to let them
be dumped here.
1t will be remembered that year
ago Britain offered a mass of this
material at less than 10 cents on the
dollar, and our Congress wisely
voted to protect the home market.
But, ironically comments the lead
ing British journal on aviation, the
Aeroplane: e
Even if we do sell our knowledge
of aviation and our aeroplanes to
Japan, the fact will always remain
that when the war comes the Ameri-
cans will have our sympathy and
moral support
Both will be valued for what they
are worth.
Meanwhile British craftsmanship
gives no sign of abandoning renewal
of the Anglo-Japanese alliance,
which, though in terms defensive,
would undoubtedly be construed by
Japan, if at war with us, as emitting
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

ner 10 a partners prior claim on
sympathy and moral support.
Moreover, if this alliance is renew
ed, who can be sure that it will not
have secret clauses like the secret
treaties which Mr.. Balfour concealed
when asking us for help during the
world wari
Japan g gain from such an alliance
is obvious. Its terms assure her a
free, hand in exploiting China so long
as Britain is admitted to satisfac-
tory share of the spoils.
What does Britain gain! No ex-
ternal foe now menaces her hold on
India. Germany is disarmed, Rus
sia eliminated.
Unless, therefore, Britain has sud-
denly turned altruist, to help mill
taristic yellow race in fantastic
dreams of conquest, there must be
in this proposed extension of the al
lance with Japan "more than meets
the e.eye."
Until this mystery is resolved, it
would clearly be premature for
Uncle Sam to lay aside his naval
means of defense.
robes negligible, that whenever man
desires to make himself more than
usually impressive, whenever he de-
termines to command unusual rever-
ence, he puts on clothes like those
of wOmankind.
The coronation robes of an en-
peror-in the days when the world
still tolerated emperors- -outdid any
thing ever worn by the stateliest
dame of our own Four Hundred.
When Harvard, Yale or Princeton
wants to make a mere mortal into a
Doctor of Laws he is robed in flow
ing skirts of crimson, blue or orange.
When our United States Supreme
Court is wrestling with the task of
making some act of Congress coin
eide with the Constitution its men,
bers maintain the needful dignity
with the aid of puffed sleeves and
flowing black robes that New Eng
land matron of the Victorian era
would have envied. Who cam, tell
how much of the spirituality Of a
bishop is due to his lawn sleevesi
In view of such phenomena, how
shall we explain the zeal with which
our younger feminine generation is
reducing its robes to the minimum
Are these appurtenances for inspir-
ing awe and compelling respect to
be surrendered wholly to mere mani
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
The Robes
WDignity
ITO the eternal feminine, to the
always alert intelligence of the

ITO the eternal feminine, to the
always alert intelligence of the
Association for the Advance
,ment of Women, may be referred for
philosophical reflection what former
President Taft said to the law stu.
dents of Boston.
Judges, said Mr.. Taft, himself an
ornament to the judiciary, should
always wear gowns. Clad in the
ordinary habiliments of man they
fail to inspire that respect and awe
that appertain to a figure robed in
black silk. Those Western judges
who not merely eschew the robe, but
are known to sit with their feet on
the desk, smoking black cigars as
they dispense justice, may be re-.
sponsible for more lawlessness than
they correct.
1t is a curious fact, and one which
woman might well stop to consider
in her present tendency to make her
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
Prof. Einstein s
Clock
NROFESSOR EINSTEIN SAYS
that the same kind of clock on

that the same kind of clock on
earth and the sun would keep
different time. He will admit that
the whole theory of relatively is
wrong. 1t is intensely interesting to
the scientific mind, but many on this
earth must take it all on faith. Some
refuse to change old-fashioned ideas.
A clergyman in the South writes
quite often to say he can PROVE
that the earth stands still and the
sun goes around it.
A French scientist has succeeded
in metamorphosing male frog into,
female frog" Edmond Perrier.
who reports this event, says it may
be possible to change the sex of other
animals, even to change a man into
woman or a woman into a man.
The change will never be made, of
course, although Nature plays
strange pranks with her human vic
tins. As matter of fact, nobody
would want the change. We are all
more or less miserable, but all want
to remain what we are; another
proof of the wisdom of Providence.
You know the story of the afflicted
that piled their troubles in heap,
each selected different trouble. re-
pented and came back to talk of
the old trouble again. ."
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
Stars and Stripes

Mankind, owing much to ancestry, owes
still more TO- posterity. -
Idle hands open the door Of vacant
mind to undesirable tenants. 'ef.t SEl.
He who swallows hattery dimes on de-
ceit and sups on disappointment.
Many man who walks into trouble with
his eyes open is carried out of it with his
- eyes shut.
Honor was never gained by dealing in
promises.
Through fear Of poverty, the miser keeps
himself poor. '''
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
THAT LIE DETECrOR.

Now a Boston lawyer-scientist,
OF all men. has invented a ma
chine to detect lying. There is
this consolation--tbey will have
to catch the prevaricator before
they can hook UP their machine
to him. Many a mendacious man
will no doubt go into training for
a new marathon sprinting record.
JOE c.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

The widows OF Japan 60 to lots OF
trouble when they wish to marry
again. They fasten their hair at
the back with tortoise-shells. In
this country they cover their ears
with their hair but get there all the
same. EAMON o s.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
DULY WARNED.

Really, I consider you highly pre-
sumptuous In putting your arm about
my waist"
but you don't mind. honestly. now
do you?"
T certainly DO, and I'll call papa
| IL you do not remove il inside of an
hour" FLAVIUS.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
WHO REMEMBERS2

FRANK BRADLEY asks: "Who
remembers the old guard at North
Capitol street and New York avenue,
consisting of Red Face HOLMES,
Square Jaw BOWERS, Racing
RECTOR, 'Sneaky' STELLOR, Flat
Foot EMBREY, Coco ALA
BAND, Angel Face, Lover NOR
RIS, and 'Hawkshaw' THAYER?
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

have heard II stated that the
stone at the base OF the monument
10 the Mexican war hero at Scott
circle is the heaviest In Washing
ton. I should like to know II this
ia true. W. d. PAYNE
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

When girl tells fellow she
loves him for all he's worth"
it's pretty certain she knows the
size of his bank account.
HARVARD.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
THE ZEBRA PUZZLE.

Are zebras white, with strip's NJ black,
or black, with stripes OF white7
No matter how you answer me
You cannot get II right
I rather think we must regard
The answer one that should be barred.
CHEVY.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
THE CONFESSION.

The other day a msnicurist told me
that the reason she does not marry Is
that so many married men who are
customers tell her they are dissatis-
fed with home cooking and want to
go out" for dinner.
JULES BACKENHEIMER.
Chats the old gag these mar
ried chumps work off on the mani
cure girls, but the girls are pretty
wiseJ
There was a young man named Sid,
Landed a kiss on his girls eyeiid,
said she-"fts a faux pas,
You should practice on ma,
And. by gosh. that's just what he did.
cHEEBUPADIsT.
He-Does Judson stiil pay attention
TO that smith girl?
She--No. they're married.
BEACHIE.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
If brevity is the soul of wit,
it's likewise the sole charm of
present-day skirts.
PEACHES AND CREAM.
WHY THEY SHINE.

An officer friend OF mine
Thinks my eyes are simply divine
Would he change his Views
II he learned I use
Bellsdonna to make them shine
O. r.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

Hundreds OF dry agents
will be thrown out of work.
Only safe thing they can
turn to will be bootle legging.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

A train that was never on
the schedule will be taken
Off
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

/. THE .R-s IN OYSTER.
That idea about months with
out ''r" constituting the closed
season for oysters doesn't find
much favor with the strenuous
Washington commissioner.
JOE CONKLtN.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

Damp law twisting ceases
on account OF no money.
Enforcement will mark time
like a revolving door. -.. 2
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

Men, you can't be too care
full. Strain every drop you
drink through chamois
cloth. .
The Washington times., 1921-05-19

AWtul blow to public
which won't be able to place
any depe ndencesi in what they
are buying after the blood
hounds are called off. ,-s
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
Let the orgy go on.

Nolstead officers have been
told to spend no money for
evidence. ExhibitA at sixteen
dollars a quart makes the
running expenses Of the bu-
reau pretty tough. .-.
The Washington times., 1921-05-19
X. MILLER
HIS EDITORIAL
FINI LA GUERRE.

Beginning tomorrow some
thing will stop that never
started.