The Washington times., 1921-02-04

-. Ust xzm4ssfnl 81 ths fast that
he alps away from Congress some
time. and goes up In his planes TO
New England and on his roller skates
he xIides around like q camel and
with ali the grace of an elephant
.But 1 have not forgotten the fact
ana he has not either. that ON one
ooca.ion when he was demonstrating
hi. grace and activity on his own
manufactured article. that he slipped
IN. turned = summsrsault In the air
dropped on the floor and broke IL.
and / think broke his ankle. and As
he lay upon the noor. II was hard
TO tell whether be WAS taller laying
down or standing up"
DRAWS LINE ON MEN.
conxressman 8. II. winsiow. the
fsttest member OF Congress, said the
COMMITTEES which made the arrange
ments knew their business" when he
was chosen Among other things, he
said:
NOW. my friends. II seems as n
the question ought to be divided.
we ought 70 have one night TO pre-
,ent the subject to men and another to
women. ! cannot for the life OF me
see how / can get away with the
Same argument IL addressed to both
sexes. I do know that q fat man IL
in one class and q fat woman Is In
another class and q lean man 10 In
an awful class. and that a lean wo-
man II In a different class. But
when you come to mix the babies up.
between fat men and fat women
everything seems to toe In. SO far as
1 can observe II. So think. for
the purposes OF this debate. i shall
tonight take the liberty OF omitting
references to the feminine sex and
direct my argument to the men. IL
ANYBODY wants to hear the views 1
entertain on the feminine sex, the
Press Club will be glad to arrange
another meeting.
"In addressing a mixed audience
like this on the subject of fat men
as contrasted with thin men. ] know,
Of course. where the line Is going to
be drawn. Every woman with q fat
husband is going to yell for the lean
man. and vice versa. We take our
lives in our hands. The only thing
we can do to establish anything like
the facts would be to have a census
taken in order to nnd out the general
of the husbands.
Eat ALL ftIS LbFE.
"I am we'll qualified to speak. ladies
and gentlemen. on this subject. have
been fat all my life. / remember well
that i was exhibited in a cradle. as
a fine, fair, fat little baby. 1t is per-
fectly clear to my memory. As a
boy / performed three evenings. at
the gentle age of twelve. as James
the Fat Boy. Later on, as a young
man, /, in some way or another, got
by a college examination and got on
to the college baseball team in my
freshman year. / was a pitcher; you
might not think IL by looking at me
now. That year / was plump. yea.
even more than that: plump and then
some, as the story goes.
II had taken to playing ball on
the fair fields with the college nine
and the boys in the bleachers very
soon discovered that ! was beyond
the ordinary in the point of measure
ment, and what do you think hap
pened? Just at that time p. T. Bar
mum brought Jumbo into this coun-
try, and Jumbo 1 was on the baseball
field for one full year"
Senator Ashurst. Of Arizona: Mr..
Chairman, ladies and gentleman: the
word noble" as defined by all the
dictionaries and by Roget's Thesau-
rus means a superiority or excel
lence of mind, high ideals and socd
morals. free from what is mean and
small, free from guile and crafti-
ness, useful to his fellowmen. TO
call a man noble pleases MIN. Say
to a fat man Good evening. my fat
headed friend" and see how you
flatter him. The faculties or emo
tons which ennoble man are To-
in haaA in tho
nor in the liver. nor yet In the
lights; therefore, IL the arguments
OF the affirmative be sound and IL
the logic Of our distinguished OPP
ponents be correct, a man can only
be ennobled when he fat headed.
HOW FAT YOU LOOK.
\ "Or say to a lady Good evening
how fat you look and see the mer-
fat women; / misspoke myself Mr..
Chairman. there are women who are
inclined to be plump and more who
are inclined to be stout. But / am
still in error. In the vicissitudes
CT the human race there have been
two fat women; one was Fatima.
Mahomets favorite daughter, and
the other was Mr.. Bluebeard's last
wife, also named Fatima."
Speaker Gillett: Ladies and gen.
tlemen of the jury. I am informed by
the management that we are much be-
hind the schedule and, therefore, the
judicial summing up which l expected
to give you to prepare you for your
verdict will have to be omitted. Let
me. however, warn you not to be led
astray, as was doubtless intended by
this munificent gift of the Senatorial
oligarchy, but please preserve the ju-
dicial attitude which is becoming and
vote now on the question which I will
put to you. The question is, Resolved
that 1t is more noble to be fat than
lean Those in favor of the affirma-
tive will say Aye (Cries of Aye.)
Those in favor of the negative will
say No. tCries of No.) Even my ear.
which Is trained to detect with great
nicely volumes of sound, is unable to
observe any difference on this ques-
ton, and, therefore, as there Is not
time to have a decisive vote, will
declare the question still in doubt"