New-York tribune., 1921-12-16
TheTower
Pure Reading Matter

a fluffy fiapper, sleek and vain,
She came into the subway train,
And fair and redolently sweet
Took the to-me-contiguous seat.
wondered, as I gave her heed,
What such looking girl would read !;
And gucsscd--a thing l often do
In subway trains and out. Don't you?
/ gazed at her, and guessed at first
The comic" page of Mr.. Hearst
Would be the thing that she'd
peruse---
That, or the Daily so-called News.
But, in life already long,
How frequently have / been wrong!
Though scanty seemed her mental
growth,
That little girl was reading both.
"New York will have the dryest
Christmas and New Years in it's his
tory" says Prohib. Emf. Director Ralph
A. Day; and in accordance with re-
quest from the Department Of Justice
we are foregoing the joyous privilege
of holding the Eighteenth Amendment
up to ridiculc. We're it not for that
request it would be impossible not
to retort "Is that so?"
AS to medical advertising, nothing is
said-as nothing should be said
against the doctors who are spoken Of
as So-and-So's personal physician" :"
This paragraph is written to adver-
tise DR.. Adolf Lorenz, impcrsonal
physician to the human race.
Out OF the Nowhere Into Bloomfield
lFrom The Bloomfield On. J.) Independ-
ent PressJ
1t was not the purr OF an aeroplane
but the melodious lullaby of the gem
tie motion of q stork's wings that
caused people to gaze skyward Mon
day morning. High in the heavens
they saw the bird of good omen
gracefully circling through space in
the vicinity of Bloomfield Avenue and
Roosevelt Avenue. lnstinctively all
who saw the bird knew that bundle
OF happiness was on the way to some
household in the vicinity. Spectators
of sporting propensities Immediately
began to make bets as to where the
stork would leave its burden. Each
successive circling glide brought it
nearer to the residence of Fred j.
OFT. 443 Bloomfield Avenue, and there
1T disappeared from public view.
Later on the radiant face Of Mr..
COtt appeared and he offered the glad
hand to every one, and his only re-
gret was that the Eighteenth Amend
ment interfcred with doing justice to
the occasion.
1t was a son and weighed eight
pounds.
Human are the traits and qualities
of tho linotype machine, as has often
been said Which introduces this want
advertisement from Tho World: "Op-
orators on machine for cbildren's hand
made hats"
THE TRAFFIC COPS HONOR ROLL
Let me tell you about
A real cop.
I mean Panglima Ali, tho captain Of the
Moro police,
At Cottabatto in Mindanao, Philip
pine Islands.
He had bow legs; a loin cloth; and a
chest
That measured forty-six inches.
And he had barong-a great wide
bladcd knife.
| saw him stop juramentado running
amuck-
A crazy native who had just killed
A Sulu woman, a Cingalese man, and
a Chino
All met the madman toe to toe!
With one stroke of his barong
Ali severed head, neck, and right
shoulder
From the rest of the murdcrer's body.
Buenas noches, juramcntado!
Braya, Ali, also, gracias.
But Ali sat down again
On his pile of old pearl she'll,
And dreamily rolled himself
Another wad Of betelnut DIP.
so many cops, so many screeds,
SO many paths that wind and wind.
AS for me, ! nominate
That gendarme at the corner Of the
Rue du Bac and the Place des
Vosges--
They're on opposite sides Of tho river,
but what does it matter?--
Or those sturdy pohzei in Vienna in the
Schonlaterngassc
Who told me SO charmingly to go to
Budapest
And if I struck their confreres in the
Corso or the Margaretcninsel
To give them their regards;
Or that carbiniero in Vcenza in front