The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1921-04-14

defy the conven-
tions, and get relief the best way he
can"
Il can understand just how IT has
worried yon." said the hotelkeeper.
Ihe fact that you couldn't reach
around and claw the itching place
with your fingers kept the matter
fresh in your memory and got on your
nerves. The pursuit Of the unattain.
able always is more interesting to us
than the easier work close to hand.
You had your whole person to scratch.
and might have bought currycomb
for quarter. and had good time, but
you couldn't be happy until you had
reached the one inaccessible spot.
"A while ago imagined I had
heart disease, and went and saw the
doctor. He knows I have money in
the bank, and am considered good pay,
so he confirmed my worst fears, and
made up his mind to have me for his
star patient, until one Of us petered
)ut. He threw an awful scare into me
so that / went home sweating ice cold
circus lemonade.
HE gave me some medicines and
OF of instructions. Among them was
one to the effect that when | went to
red should always sleep on nv right
'ide. He cautioned me over and over
again against laying on my left side
md left the impression that If 1 dis
'heyed him, I'd wake up some MORN
ne to find myself a candidate for q
1oral horseshoe.
THAT matter looked easy at the
line. and I assured the doctor I'd fol-
0w his bylaws to the letter. When
went to bed that night, I stretched
out on my right side, and in ten min
ties was Just suffering to roll over.
| don't believe ! ever had such q
>ankering for anything. It seemed to
me the height of human happiness
would lie in sleeping on ones left side.
[ followed instructions for two nights,
md then decided that life wasn't
worth such sacrifices, and I rolled over
and slept on my left side. and nothing
happened. I was feeling better than
usual next morning when I got up.
"Of course this experience lessened
my confidence IN the doctors instruc-
tions, and concluded that II I was
going to sidestep the instructions
might as we'll sidestep the medicines,
too. for they tasted like low life in a
Chinese alley, and I threw the whole
lot out OF the window. Thus the saw
bones lost h's most promising patient
because he handed out a rule that
wasn't strictly necessary.
speaking Of the unattainable. do
You know what's the matter with Silas
Furbelow7 He has everything a man
could ask, stranger in the town
would say. He has beautiful home
and wife who would be considered
success anywhere, and he has festoons
OF money where 1t will do the most
good.
Yet he has secret sorrow. I
think he's the most melancholy man 7
ever saw. and his trouble Is that he
can't raise a good stand Of whiskers.
Nowadays. when whiskers are consid.
cred an fnfirmity. 1t seems strange
that any man should srieve over such
a matter.
HE sends all over the United
States for hair growers, and half the
time his face is blistered or swollen.
and still the wfiskers won't grow on
him. II some miracle happened, and
he woke up some morning to find his
countenance all covered with whiskers,
he'd probably have them shaved of
within a week; but because they won't
grow, he won't be happy till he gets
them"