Paragould soliphone., 1921-11-02
THE INGREDIENTS
 OF A GOOD JOKE

When, in the opinion or the peo- pie of these United States, whc pride themselves on their sense of humor, is a joke so fused that it will explode in a laugh or at least la smile?
 Probably when it is concocted by Ia humorist, native to the soil, and therefore most cognizant of the ex. plosive elements. The jests of these are run close race by those o1 Irish brand, but many of these
 jokes are naturalized American prod. |ucts. The following samples of the several varities were assembled by the Philadelphia Record.
 Mark Twain didn't work himself
 baldheaded, exactly, but he put brains into his comic connections
 For instance, here's a speech of his lat a Chicago banquet Gin honor ol General Grant) on the subject ol
 "Babies.'
 "Yes, it was high time for g
 toastmaster to recognize the i'm.
 portance of babies. Think what is in store for the present crop! Fifty years from now we shall be dead I trust, and then this flag, if il still survived and let us hope il
 may), will be floating over a re.
 public numbering 200 million souls
 according to the settled laws of oul increase. Our present schooner o1 state will have grown into politi cal leviathan-a Great Eastern. The |cradled babies of today will be or deck. Let them be well trained for we are going to leave a biz contract on their hands.
 Among the three or four million cradles now rocking in the land are some which this nation would pre-. serve for ages as sacred things, il
 we could know which ones they are
 In one of these cradles the uncon- |scious Farragut of the future is al this moment teething-think of it!
 --and putting in a word of dead earnest, unarticlf1ated, but perfect
 ly justifiable profanity over it, too In another the future renowned astronomer is blinking at the shin
 ing Milky Way with but a languid
 lnterest-pOor little chap and won
 dering what has become of that other one they call the wet nurse In another the future great historian
 is lying-and doubtless will continue
 to lie until his earthly mission is
 ended. In another the future presi.
 dent is busying himself with nc
 profounder problem of state than
 what the mischief has become o1 his hair so early; and in a mighty
 array of other cradles there arc
 now some sixty thousand office seekers, getting ready to furnish
 him occasion to grapple with thai same old problem second time And in still one more cradle, some
 WACiO ohdCI tiC Aio6, tAO lotul illustrious commander-in-chief of the
 American armies is so little burden ed with his approaching grandeurs
 and responsibilities as to be giving
 his whole strategic mind at this
 moment to trying to find some way
 to get his big toe into his mouth an achievement which, meaning nc
 disrespect, the illustrious guest O. this evening turned his entire at tention to some fifty-six years ago and if the child is but a prophecy of the man, there are mighty few who will doubt that he succeeded" old Bill Nye worked as hard a Twain. Here is Bills account O. an experience when he filled tht office of United States cyclonist:
 1T nave not the necessary per sonal magnetism to look a cyclone in the eye and make it quail. I an stern and even naughty in my in tercourse with men, but when { Manitoba simeon takes me by tht
 brow of my pantaloons and throw.
 me across township 2S, range IS
 west of the fifth principal meridian II lose my mental reserve and be
 come anxious and even taciturn
 For 30 years I had yearned to SCI q grown-up cyclone of the ring
 tail-puller variety, mop up greer earth with huge forest trees ant
 make the landscape look tired. Or
 the 9th day of September, A. D.
 1884, my morbid curiosity was grati fled.
 'As the people came out into tho forest with lanterns and pulled mt out of the crotch of a brasswoot tree with tackle and fall I re membered I told them I didn't yearr for any more atmosphere phenom ena.
 'The old desire for hurricane that could blow a COW through | penitentiary was satisfied. 1 re
 member when the doctor pried tho bones of my leg together, in order to kind of draw my attention away from the limb he asked me how liked the fall style of Zephyr il