Iron County news. [volume] (Hurley, Wis.) 1913-1950, 1921-04-23

course, you want to put a coat of your
liquid porcelain on it, as a measure Of
economy, but, like all your retrench-
ment schemes, it would be a fizzie
The porcelain would never dry, and
the first time took bath I'd get my
person covered with it and would have
to 80 to the taXidermist for relief,
Last summer you had another great
scheme for saving our hard-earned
doubloons. You painted the lawn
swing and never said word to me
about it. After dark. | took "A seat in
the swing, to rest my weary bones, and
when | wanted to leave it. | found
couldn't l stuck to that swing like a
tWo-cent stamp to a dunning letter
The neighb0rs had to come over and
pry me loose with spades and things
before | could get away. My raIment
was ruined, and it was a suit | had
worn only three seasons. You ex-
planned to ME afterward that you
thought you'd be saving money by
painting the swing yourself Your pas
slOnate fondness for the kind of eCono-
my that involves spending money has
brought these gray hairs to my side
boards aud made me old before my
time.
There's only one reliable way TO
save money, Mrs. Jamesworthy. Salt
IL down. Put it in tin can and solder
the lid down tight. If you 20 to the
druggists and gr0cers and hardware
men, and ask them how TO ecOnomize,
they'll try to sell you something that
VIII put you in Easy street. / don't
blame them for it. They are in busl-
ness for the purpose of selling things,
put no sane woman would accept any
6ne of them as her guide, philosopher
and friend, in matters of retrench-
mcnt.
at was the druggist who sold you
five gallons of his patent disnfectant,
telling you that you might save vast
sums Of money by having it On hand.
There was a contagious disease In
town then. and the druggist pointed
out that people who had the disease
were almost bankrupted by the ex.
pense. In case the disease was head
ed in our direction, all we had to do
was to use this disinfectant and we'd
be immune. The disEusted malady
would turn in its tracks and hike away
ia some other direction.
"Of course, having the disiufectant
on hand, We were suffering to use it,
and when you heard that a man in the
neighbUriiood hat the heaves you con-
cludcd 1t was tiTne to get busy. You
sprayed the house with the stuff. and
you know what happened then. We
had to borrow a tent and camp out on
the lawn for a week. The aroma in
Testing the house was so strong that
the clock stopped and all our priceless
oil paintings turned black.
Nobody could enter the house with
out wearing Il sack over his head. Ii
rlined all the time we were camped
on the lawn, and we all caught the
champion colds of our lives. 1t was
week of unadulterated misery, and Ii
was the result of your determination
~ Save IuOtiey Uy every tAptu9ifo
means. The only comfort OF pleasure
l got out Of the whole business was de-
rived from twisting the druggists nose
and telling him what thought OF him.
The grocer told YOU last fall that
you might save fabulous sums by buy
Ing several bushels Of tomatoes, aud
eight dozen glass jars, and endless
quantities OF spices and vinegar, and
making your own ketchup. You made
it, Mrs. Jamesworthy, and it all spoil
ed We buried it darkIy at dead Of
night, the sods with our bayonets turn
ing"
'You think you're smart. don't your"
inquired Mrs JamesWOrthy petul1nuy.