Evening star., 1921-12-11

GRIDlRONERS HOLD
OFFICIALS OVER FIRE
AT ANNUAL DINNER
Continued from First rase.)
Look here, who do you think I am.
Henry Ford? ] don't know anything
about profane history. ..Gamaliel was
q prophet of normalcy."
"Was his prophecy fuff1lled"
mot till his second term"
Where is normalcy. anyway"
Il can tell you. First. you find the
republican platform, then you go
about 4 mile to the right until you
come to four acorners, then whirl
around as IL you did not know where
you were at. then take the first turn
to the left and go a mile and half
and there you are"
A "Haunted Man."
Mr.. Clabaugh described himself as
a haunted man." having in view the
layout before him, sand proceeded to
describe his emotions in song. He
sang about the dark and spooky
night. with the goblins all about,
"ku kluXin all around enough to
make ones blood run cold.
During interludes of changing
plates in the more substantial fea-
ture of the dinner there were occa-
sional momentary inroads to attract
attention. Such a one was the ap-
pearance of a very English-looking
gentleman who seemed somewhat
perturbed. He stood in the center of
the room for some time until his pres
ence attracted attention.
President Messenger of the Gridiron
Club inquired the nature of his dis
comfiture.
Il am sorry to disturb you" he
said. But I am either the victim of
joke or mistake
Who are you?"
No seat for> Northcliae.
Il am Northcliffe. owner Of the Lon
don Times. l understood l was in
vited to this dinner, but l find my
name is not on the list and no seat
has been reserved for me-"
Secretary Cunningham of the club
was questioned and avowed he had
duly forwarded the invitation.
Il would like to, inquire where you
sent the invitation" asked the visitor.
"Why, naturally" said Secretary Cum
ningham, II sent il to- 10 Downing street
in care of Mr.. Lloyd George" That
was enough for the inquirer, who re-
tired in disgust.
One of the club members interrupted
the clearing away CT the plates to sug
eest that he had found a key which he
thought might belong to guest. No
one recognized it upon it's being dis
played.
Just a moment" was suggested. "the
tag might identity it. "The tag says:
Key to the back door of the league of
nations On the other side it says: To
be slipped in the pocket OF Secretary
Hughes. when he is not looking. Signed,
Lloyd George.
docs the Secretary Of State want the
key" was asked.
His Pockets Sewed Up.
A club member standing back of the
Secretary of State reported that "Secre-
tary Hughes declines the key and gives
notice that he has all his pockets sewed
up"
Then there was the sad case of the
American business man wheeled into
the hall in rolling chair, a sorry
looking spectacle. He seemed pretty
nearly "all in" He had been run over
by a motor truck Of the International
Defiation Company. Asked If there was
no cure for him he replied, mot while
pay a forty-cent tax out Of a thirty
cent income" 1t was suggested that
a big tax be placed on burlesque
shows. whereupon he protested that
the House Of Representatives re-
fuses to tax itself" A word tax on
speeches in the Congressional Record
was rejected because something was
needed to turn the farmers wind
mills" tax on bonehead politicians
keep any record of their sales'
Finally after many suggestions had
been declined he was asked If nothing
could be done for him.
He's Through With Quacks.
YES" he replied. tell the politi-
clans to let me alone. l am tired of
blocs and cliques and classes; also
wi1djammingI win Jam rnIn1 and fence bulGinE ;'in
to take prescription from Dr. War
rem G. Harding, but I am through
with quacks."
A skit or books and authors served
to introduce several writer's who were
club gathered around a. table and dis
cussed a pile Of books thereon.
Here 10 q book, the Outline Of His
tory by H: G. Wells" said the
spokesman. Who Is H. G. wells?"
"He is tho only man who ever wrote
an historic account of prehistoric
times"
Here is that new life of Joseph P.
Tumulty by Woodrow-no, mean
What I Know about Woodrow Will
son. by Joseph P. ,Tumulty. Mr.. Bos-
wei well as neyar Mr. fns% Tumulty s 0aS'nes ha'f so
Here is James M. Cox's book on the
Political Consequences Of the Peace"
ut Is moribund," was the protest.
II like books that run in lighter VEIN"
Mirrors Reflect Fifty.
Then try Political Adventures of
1921 the author being the republican
party. It's very amusing"
Mr.. Wells, H. Wickham Steed, Frank
H. Simonds. Stephen Lausanne and
Edward G. Lowry, were called to their
feet and introduced to the company,
after which it was announced that a
genuine surprise was in store-the
publication was to be in
troduced. He was asked to stand up.
whereupon some fifty men arose in
their places with gIadsome smiles. ,
sit down." was cried: "the author
A song was dedicated to Chief Jus
tice Taft, the chorus Of which ran az
follows: ~
He looks for tbs silver lining
When'er a cloud appears in the blue.
He knows that somewhere the sun is shining
i. nH1 make Ike it shine fo for '. You. y ~ =
His heart full of Joy and Gladnesa,
He always looked for fhe silver lining,
Our great Chief Justice Wnliam Howard Taft.
OF course, q play on the farmers
bloc" in Congress was to be expected.
A countryman was seen operating
'stop-go" signal on "the road to pros
perity" and halting travellers az they
approached.
Long Detour for Bankers.