The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1921-10-20
'SKEETERVILLE NUZE

! Skeeterville, desided wood git u
to print sumthin frum hear, eff u
kood spear us the spase. wooder rit
| afore now, but haint had nary
thing to rite about, bu,5 bad nuZe, and
! hates to alters be relatin tails ov
! Wo and krime, its runnin sum peepul
crazy. An onestly believe the
Press will hav to take to suppressin
these kriminal Stunts that's bein en-
akted awl over the World or they
will jes add full to the fer. You hav
to be very pertickerler when it kums
to sycolojikal Infooences, an i'm
guinter guard agin sendin you in en-
nything but decent news that any
Preecher kood Konshienshusly reed.
Sam Slokum's wife, Susanna, IL
awful mad at him, they haint spoke
fur a weak. It wuz thisser way,
Susanna's gittin powerful uppish, and
got inter Polly Tx. She wuz all het
up guine around tryin to organize
Leeg of Wimmen Voters, an Wuz
meetin with wunderful Sucksess, fur
the fare Seeks wuz layin up to ac-
complish wunders when the Munis-
ipul Eleskshun come off, never dreem-
in that the fust rudiments Of the
votin Privilij, wuz to Register ther-
ty days afore the elecshun kums on.
Sam node Suzanna had fergot that
importan item, an never cheeped, but
jes laft in his sleave. When Susanna
found out she, and the Leeg ov Vot-
ers, wuz cut out of votin fur two
years more, she was so mad she told
Sam Slokum a few things, not to be
repeated (fur Sykologikal reezuns)
but she told him fur wun thing, that
nobody but the meanest man in
Skeeterville, wood hav suppressed
that Information from the wife ;ov
his buzzum, an Sam tole her he
thought a wumun az smart az she
;wuz orto hadder node that much, an
he wuz afeared to say emmy more, as
Susanna is powerful strong bilt, an
ezy riled. So that's whats caused a
rupshure in the Slokum family, an
peakon Jones sez afore the wimmen
git throo messin in Polly Tx, menny
famlys will be divided, an menny
harts crusht to Urth. ''Hits a awful
State affears'' sez he, with tares
streemin out'n his ize, IAN May the
Lord hav mercy on the United States
ov Ameriky."
Milisha Jones an Mahaly Cant is
had a turibul disturbance. Malissa's
regler hard shell Baptist an Ma
haly's a torn down shoutin Metho-
dist and they started friendly argu-
ment about which were the proper
mode of Babtizm, an afore thay went
fur both Nv EN- got mad an axually
klinched, an in tryin to bite Nails
sa's thumb, Mahaly broke out two ov
her faults teeth in frunt, an Malissa
gouged out Mahaly's glass eye. But
am glad to say thay is both gittIn
on tollerabul now, an wuz sjngin In
the Quire, in Union Services, at Zion,
last Sunday mite.
Hiram Hayseeds powerful het up
about havin his chillun vaxinated
afore enterin Publick School, an sez
he won't stand fur no sich new fang
led doins, and he went to the Fearm-,
ersist, an bought every bit ov ASST
fetida in the Drug Store, an Sary
Ann, his wife, has put Assifetida
bags around all her young uns necks
(17 in all, pr. ov twins an triplets
in the crowd) an Sary Ann an Hiram
sez it is bettern this vaxinatin biz
ness, and he dares any Dockter to be
nozin aroun in his family afears.
Zack Taylor, (no relashun to
the Xpresident of that name) is shore
badly het up, his little boy il in bad
fix, his hides peelin off frum faulin
in a Vat of strong antiseptick tine Vet
emery Surjun had fxt for dippen
the Katie in to Radikate the Tx off
ov EN-. Zack sez Natur provided fur
Radikatin the kattle Tx, when she
gave us the Doves, an my GrandpaW
sez it aint nary thing but Hiway
Robbery fur the State to pay men to
do what the Doves can beat EN- awl to
peeces doin. My Grandmaw sez she
KANT to save her life etc Dove with
emmy relish atall, sence she usen to
see EN- in sich droves in the Kan
paster etin Tx off of the COWS, an
when she'd dress EN-, after Grand
paw kilt EN-, their Kraws wood be
plum full ov EN-. She sez 1t went
along ways in her family toards the
proteckshun of the Doves too, as it
turned the stummicl : every men,