Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1921-09-29
MY MUSTACHE
BY VIVIAN c. BURBANK.


of my achievement.
When the folks back home said fiat
ly it couldn't be done, knew it could
and proved it,
Whatever possessed me to part with
it is beyond me.
l stepped nearer the glass and
looked closely at my upper lip.
Not trace of my beloved mustache
remained. The barber certainly had
done a good job.
To be frank, l wasn't exactly
pleased with the effect. l had been
on the road for over year and this
was my first trip home in that time.
Eyes, that's him, all right" The
next thing | knew hand grasped my
shoulder. Turning, l confronted big
burly cop!
whats the big idea?' l asked.
you're under arrest"
under arrestT' 1 stammered.
"WAat for?"
"All right for you, jim O'Day! You
tell your little story to your wife,
here"
l looked stupidity at the woman who
stepped up in. front of me.
why hang it all, officer, never p
had a wife, -
"That's all right, but you just come
with me and tell it to the chief"
"Say, who in Sam Hill do you take
me for?'
"Lost your memory, eh?" sneered
the woman. r.,
you're all wrong, my man, this is
an outraged
ut wasn't an outrage when you left
your wife, was it?"
you're mad, woman. Great guns,
can't you tell your own husband?"
"That 1 cam" screamed the woman.
Already we were the center of curl
Gus mob.
"See, that's my husband and that
pictures you"
And neither did l Of course l be-
gan then to see light, / burst out
laughing, slapped the officer ON the
back good-naturedly, and said;
"One on you, old man. | may re-
semble this picture; you see, I've worn
a Ihustache up to an hour ago"
"How long did you own 81 mus
tache?" asked the woman, sarcastically.
''For just about three years, up to
an hour ago"
"Ha, hal You should have kept the
thing. just three years ago the third
OF this month my Jim cleared out"
GsVo,r,ro 81 ono ,yrippnd tho fat
cop. ''That gag is as old as your
grandmother" / was furious. More
so when | saw the patrol wagon pull
up to the curb. l turned to the WOm-
an, and shaking my fist at her, told
her in few words just what thought
of her.
you'd better be careful what you
say, boss. What you say generally
goes against you"
I climbed into the wagon, followed
by that lunatic of woman, and the
officer. He was sizing me up in good
shape.
"'Nother woman?" he asked under
his breath.
Il tell you there's no woman. That
maniac sitting there is no more my
wife than you are"
Maniac, am Iy' She began to rave
worse than ever.
you're fine man, you are. You're
a fine man to be the father of eight
darlings"
Eight darlings be hanged" I thun-
dered.
,"Pooh-you know well enough, Jim,
the baby-just wait until you see him.
First in his class he is. And Charlie.
has q swell job at the box factory.
Kate is some piano player. Gets $40
q week down to Flam'S movies II you
want to do the right thing, Jim, I'll
tell the boss it's sorry | am [ ever
had you pinched, and Wen forget 1t
ALL"
"Wfll you keep that trap of yours
closed for five minutes" | shrieked
at her.
81 will not" she yelled back at me,
shaking her fist. you're just the
same old brute you always were"
Here we are, boss"
bE4lGVc lie l. was SOlIIC Slhu ~ SII
out. | was led up the steps Of the
station house.
The door opened; l stood up and
faced the chief.
"Jim Harrison, what the dickens
are you doing here"
"There, now, you heard me call Jim,
didn't you" pfped up the woman in
shrill voice. "Try to tell me / don't
know my own husband"
For once luck was with me! Funny
l hadn't heard Billy Wayland had
been made chief
1t didn't take me long to tell my
story, and after Wayland had heard
me through, it didn't take him long
| to straighten out matters.
! Billy insisted that go home to din
ner with him. He and his wife sure
did enjoy themselves at my expense
ooh, Nbut you look lots nicer without
It," smiled Billys wife, .sweetly. "Sure-