The Meridian times., 1921-04-22

course, you want to put coat of your
liquid porcelain on 1t, as a measure OF
economy, but, like all your retrench.
ment schemes, 1t would be fizzie
The porcelain would never dry, and
the first time took bath I'd get my
person covered with 1t and would have
TO go to the taxidermlst for relief.
Last summer you had another great
scheme for saving our hard-earned
doubloons. You painted the lawn
swing and never said word to me
about Il. After dark, ! took a seat In
the swing, to rest my weary bones, and
when l wanted to leave 1t, found !
couldn't. stuck to that swing like
two-cent stamp to dunning letter
The nelghbors had to come over and
pry me loose with spades and things
before could get away. My raiment
was ruined, and II was a suit 1 had
worn only three seasons. You ex-
planned to me afterward that you
thought you'd be saving money by
painting the swing yourself. Your pas
sionate fondness for the kind of econo-
my that involves spending money has
brought these gray hairs to my side
boards and made me old before my
time.
There's only one reliable way to
save money, Mrs. Jamesworthy. Salt
It down. Put It In tin can and solder
the lid down tight. Ii you 60 to the
druggists and grocers and hardware
men, and ask them how to economlze,
they'll try to sell you something that
will put you In Easy street. l don't
blame them for 1t. They are In busi-
ness for the purpose of selling things,
but no sane woman would accept any
one Of them as her guide, philosopher
and friend, In matters of retrench-
ment.
1T was the druggist who sold you
five gallons OF his patent disinfectant,
telling you that you might save vast
sums OF money by having 1t on hand.
There was q contagious disease In
town then, and the druggist pointed
out that people who had the disease
We're almost bankrupted by the ex-
pense. In case the disease was head
ed In our direction, all we had to do
was TO use this disinfeetant and we'd
be immune. The dlsgusted malady
would turn in its tracks and hike away
In some other direction.
'of course, having the disinfectant
on hand, we were suffering to use 1t,
and when you heard that man in the
neighborhood had the heayes you con-
cluded II was time to get busy. You
sprayed the house with the stun, and
you know what happened then. We
had to borrow a tent and camp out on
the lawn for week. The aroma In
Testing the house was so strong that
the clock stopped and all our priceless
oil paintings turned black.
Nobody could enter the house with
out wearing a sack over his head. 1t
rained all the time we were camped
on the lawn, and we all caught the
champion colds of our lives, 1t was II
week Of unadulterated misery, and 1t
was the result OF your determination
to save money by every expensive
means. The only comfort or pleasure
got out of the whole business was de-
rived from twisting the druggists nose
and telling him what thought Of him.
%rhe grocer told you last fall that
you might save fabulous sums by buy
ing several bushels of tomatoes, and
eight dozen glass jars, and endless
| quantities of spices and vinegar, and
making your own ketchup. You made
il, Mrs, Jamesworthy, and 1t all spoil
ed, we buried it darkly ut dead OF
night, the sods with our bayonets turn
ing"
You think you're smart, don't your"
/ manfred Mrs Inr,na,,nrfhr rneti1lnnflx