davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

The primary class in Sunday
school was listening to lesson
on patience.
The topic had been carefully
explained, and as an aid to under
standing the teacher had given
each pupil card bearing the pic
ture of boy fishing.
Even pleasure" said she, re-
quires the exercise of patience.
See the boy fishing. He must sit
and wait. He must be patient. "
Having treated the subject very
fully, she began with the simplest,
most practical question:
And now can any little boy
tell me what we need most when
We go fishingY"
The answer was shouted, with
one voice: "Bait!"
Teacher: "Now, Willy you may
give me a sentence that will be
easy to parse.
Willie; eyes m. How's this
one-'Said the sparse parsimoni-
Gus parson, parse the parsnips ."
A clergyman from country
parish was called upon to preach
before a congregation of under
graduates, and employed one of
his old sermons. He read quietly
on till he came to this passage
Those of you who are mothers
=" But there was a general
litter. 81 should say" corrected
the parson, those of you who are
about to become So.
1t was at dinner, and there had
been chicken, Of which the little
daughter of the house had partak-
en- with great freedom.
81 want some more chicken, :"
said Frances.
Il think you have had as much
as is good for you, dear" replied
Frances mamma.
81 want more" and Frances
pouted.
"You cant have more now; but
here is a wishbone that you and
mamma can pull. That will be
fun You pull one side, and I'll
pull the other, and whoever gets
the longer end can have her wish
come true. Why, baby, you've
got it! What was your wish, |
:" ] wish for some more chick
en-, said Frances, promptly.
She got it this time.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08
Great Mountains From Little
Molehills Grow

The Georgia farmer whose in
come tax was 4 cents, one of
which he paid last Tuesday at a
cost of 5 cents in postage and
money order fee, cost the news
papers of the country in tele-
graph tolls, white paper, compost
ton, ETC., about $4,000 at the
lowest estimate. But we fall for
a crazy item like that every time.
Post.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08
Father Wise
Works Both Ways

You can't get something for
nothing said the man of severe
principles.
II dunno" replied the farmer.
II dunno, l got nothing for some
thing in the mining deal last week
and | can't see but what it work
ed the other way round for the
other Teller"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Mr., Murphy Seeing a giraffe
for the first time) BE TIL saints,
Biddy, that haste must come frum
Il country phwhere tn sun be
moighty hot!" Mrs. Murphy
How so, PhclanY" Mr.. Murphy
-" just look at tn soize ave his
freckles !"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08
WITTY AND WISE
publishers Auxiliary

1t is still lawful for the prune
to get stewed.
Why feel so blue2 The worst
has never happened and never
will.
Some men do what their wives
tell them to do, and some men
are not married.
We are not worrying so much
right now about the fool killer
as we are about the cool filler.
Some people cast their bread
upon the waters and expect it
to come back buttered.
Talking about epidemics, the
most prevalent one in America
today seems to be the hip disease.
The skeleton rider of the pale
gray horse appears to have a new
steed-the white mule.
The cheek-to-c cheek dancers nat
urally have to have their weak
heads propped up.
Henry Ford says that cows are
superfuous and that machine
can take their place. 1t is safe
bet that his tlivver has already
weaned more boys from milking
than any other modern invention.
Father Wise
Bobbie-"My father must have
been up to all sorts of mischief
when he was boy"
Jonny-" Why7"
Bobbie-" Cos he knows 'xact-
ly what questions to ask me when
he wants to know what I've been
doing"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

lnOlShly not Mrs. Murphy -
How so, Phelan?" Mr.. Murphy
-" just look at tn soize ave his
freckles ~
Rupert say, papa, Ethel is
so tired, and she would like to
have a ride. Couldn't you turn
me into a little donkey2" Papa
What do you mean, Rupert2
You are talking dreadful non,
sense I" Rupert" Why, papa,
I've heard uncle say you re al
ways making a great ass of your
self, so you might this time just
make little donkey Of mel"
Teacher: Bessie name one bird
that is now extinct. F." Little Bees
sic: Dick !" Teacher-"'Dick2
What sort Of a bird is that?"
Little Bessie "'Our canary-the
cat eXtincted him !"
1t was Dots first visit to the
country, and she was very much
interested in the pigs curly tails.
AT last an idea occurred to her.
"Auntle, she said, "does uncle
g4y the pigs tails in cllrl-papers
every night2"
A few years ago magic
lantern was being shown in
country school. One picture shown
was wagon used in the time of
King Pharaoh. 1t certainly was
a curious construction, consisting
of two straight pieces of wood,
without either sides or back. An
old farmer was so amused and
excited that he rose up and ex-
claimed aloud, 81 can now quite
understand why Joseph told his
brethren not to fall out by the
way"
Some time ago, an old York
shire woman had occasion to call
in the doctor to see her husband
who b"I been a!ing for some time
After seeing ihe patient, the doe
tor told the old lady there was
nothing serious the matter, but to
give the patient "blacll
draught, saying he would call
again. When he again call
ed, he asked if she had done as
he told her. "Well, DOCTOR" she
said, 81 looked high and low for
a black draught and could not
find one but | gave him the double
SIX domino, and it nearly choked
him"
A lady was looking for her
husband, and inquired anxiously
of a housemaid: do you happen
to know anything of your mas
ter'S whereabouts?"
I'm not sure, ma am, replied
the careful domestic, "but | think
they re in the wash"
1t must have been an EN-
barrassing moment for all con-
cerned when the parson who was
marrying a rustic couple asked
the bridegroom the usual question
whether he was willing to take
the woman to be his welded wife,
and after scratching his head for
Il moment or two, he replied, "Ah,
I'm willin,, but I'd rather have
her sister"
Pat-"I've got pain in me
side, docthor. "
Doctor" Which side?"
Pat" Inside me outside, doc
thorp'
Barber" What will you have
on your face, powder or bay
rumQo
Pat Cogan-" Naither wan nor
the other. Jist put ON plain court
plashter! F"
The little girl slipped something
beneath the edge of her plate
81 wish, " she said, under her
breath, there was an anti-crust
lawl That's what 7 wish!'
Mother-You must never put
Df' till tomorrow what you can
inst as well do to-day"
Frcddie-"Then let me finish
that pie now.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

give may be island but when ii comes to service
Hand fine work our Job Printing Department is equal to
any of the larger shops in the city And as for prices
we'll just try U.S.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Doctor TO tow headed urchin)
How is your mother, Tommy
Tommy "Oh, if you please, sir,
she's getting very romatic in her
right knee, she says"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Rupert say, papa, Ethel is
so tired, and she would like to
have a ride. Couldn't you turn
me into little donkey2" Papa
What do you mean, Rupert
You are talking dreadful non,
sense f" Rupert" Why, papa,
I've heard uncle say you re al
ways making a great ass of your
self, so you might this time just
make little donkey of me !"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Mother" You must never put
off till tomorrow what you can
Just as well do to-day"
Freddie-'Then let me finish
that pie now.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Ii was Dots first visit to the
country, and she was very much
interested in the pigs curly tails.
At last an idea occurred to her.
!" Auntie, > she said, "does uncle
pu- the pigs tails in curl-papers
every night2"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

Teacher: Bessie name one bird
that is now extinct" Little Bes-
sic: "Dick!" Teacher-"DickY
What sort Of a bird is that2"
Little Bessie: "Our canary-the
cat eXtincted him |"
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1921-04-08

1t is still lawful for the prune
to get stewed.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
FORD PLANNING TO
PRODUCE ALUMINIUM
Reported To Have Less Costly Process
for Extracting Highly Desirable
Metal

Detroit, Aug. 4.--Henry Ford may
produce aluminium at River Rouge in
the near future, it is learned on good
authority. His engineers and metal.
lurgists for weeks have had on their
study tables plan by which the alum
mum compounds from several million
tons of common clay in the vincinity
OF his blast furnaces may be turned
into the much desired metal at a low
cost.
If Ford begins production of alumni.
um by this plan, metallurgists and
those interested in automotve affairs
believe it viii mean revolutionizing
motor car manufacture and the metal
With cheap aluminium, it
was pointed out, automobiles would
be lighter and less expensive because
many parts cou bemade OF that metal
Operating costs also would be materi-
ally reduced Aluminium also would
be used in many ways to the financial
advantage Of almost every person, it
was said.
The new an involves a process
which does not require use of bauxite
of high electrical energy. 1t is en-
tirely chemical in its workings. and
is said to be able to produce several
byproducts. The cost OF production
! is said to be from five to 10 cents a
pound as compared with the cost of 81
cents a pound now necessary.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
Enrico caruso

Golden voice is hushed. Enrico
Caruso, the most famous and popu-
ar tenor of, his time, is dead, The
.idings flashed across the sea today
viii carry sadness to hearts in every
part of the globe. Mr.. Caruso be-
anne seriously IN some months ago,
md it was predicted then that he
would never sing again with his old
power and effect. Later information
vas more encouraging and led to
hope OF full recovery. He set sail
Tor Naples, his birthplace and for
ner home, aud eabledl from there a
lenial of stories that his voice was
.rrevocably lost. But complications
apparently unforeseen followed and
his later illness terminated fatally
Enrico Caruso reached such a
dominant position in the world of
music that his fame might be called
unique. Certainly to no tenor of the
present generation did there come u
greater measure of success, either in
the form of monetary return or in
eminence as an artist. Yet that sue.
cess was not easily gained. He en-
tered into his profession In the face
of strong paternal opposition, and
there were years of struggle arE of
Slight pecuniary rewards before he
attained the heighsts which he sea ed
by perseverance,, ability and unre-
Taxing EFFORT. lie did notvsrring sud-
denly before the public and receive
instant recognitlopA. asy6fa musical
genius. He studied and worked hard
until he made himself an artist ae-
claimed by all lovers of music.
1t is n fact witch Caruso himself
always admitted freely that he found
in America the readiest and most
generous acknowledgment of the
talent which he had cultivated with
skill and industry Americans grew
to feel for Caruso and his wondeH'
full voice an adm ration that never
lacked ready expression, and for the
artist individually so strong liking
that few men enjoyed warmer or
more lasting friendships. The great
great tenor has gone, and men ana
women will miss the singing which
gave a special charm to opera or
concert. It is cause for congratula.
ton, however, that modern inven.
ton, by means of the photograph,
has made it possible to preserve and
reproduce so many examples show
ing the capabilities Of the Caruso
voice, affording delight 70 thou.
sands who NEVER saw ~or. heard the
tenor during his lifetime. Troy Times,
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04

The postofice department at Wash
ington. is getting after local postof-
fees all over the country in an eff
fort toscut down expenses. TIE post
al department. is probably the best
conducted department. Of the federal
government Even under Burleson
the postal service functioned after a
fashion, and now with the keenest
man IA the cabinet as postmaster
general there Is already marked
change for elbetten but ftheregfis
room for more. During the past eight
years there has been a multiplication
of positions with view to working
the payroll rather than doing the
work. In every large Office there are
clerks and carriers who work hard
and are poorly paid for the work and
responsibility required, while others
get as much or more for little work
and small responsibility Judging
from the outside and with no expert
knowledge it would seem as though
there N t&s e1ptlsBselasiisaty in the
concentration 81 force where the work
piles up. The labor union plan used
in machine and hand labor does not
work well in abhsihess Office such as
a postoffce should be, gAnother clog
is in the civil service system as II
works out. II is difficult or impos
sible to get rid Of g useless appointed
while there is little incentive to excel
as the better PLACES srsR' seldom
reached by promotion earned. A com
petents nigh grade man who Works ~
ought to be in line for postmaster il
he earns the place and It ought to be
possible for a postmaster who make;
an exceptional record in small Of
fee to be transferred to take charge
of a larger Office. The business
methods of che government would
ruin almost any private or corporate
concern.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
HERE'S HUNTERS EASY CHAIR
Surely the Last Word in Luxury for
Those Who Feel They Must
Kill Something

When the tired business man seeks
relaxation he wants to be comfort.
able. If on hunting trip, he feels
just that way.
For his special and luxurious hene-
fit is hunting chair newly pat.
ented by John Gal of Detroit. II af-
fords ease and repose while waiting
for birds or other game TO come along
and get within gunshot
The seat is supported by hollow
cylindrical standard, the parts Of
which are screwed together for setting
up the affair Inside Of the standard
is n strong-colled spring, and Mt IT'S
top, beneath the seat, IS cap pro.
yldcd Will. 1glLhea,lgs. the arr"'
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
PASTOR ONE CHURCH 80 YEARS
Rev. G. r. Chaplin, saxtons River, Re-
signs so People May Have Change

Saxtons River, Aug. 4,-Rev. G. F.
Chaplin, for SO years pastor OF the Con-
gregational church here has rendered
his resignation, thinking that it would
be for the good of the people to have
a change.
During the past 3S years many
changes have been made in the strug-
Cling little church that Mr. Chaplin came
to serve 1t was then dependent upon
missionary aid and was yoked with
the Parish of Cambridgeport, 1t then
had less than hundred members ana
gave only few dollars in benevo
lenoes, besides paying all home eX-
penses. The membership has been In
creased by 33S new members and in
spite of losing many by removal AMI
death the membership is now about
go.
The sa airy has remained small for
MIR. Chaplin has always preferred to
give rather than to receive, and during
the war when the prices went up he
refused an increase of salary on the
grounds that many demands of need
abroad would have to be met for re-
lief of the suffering,
At 10 years of age 10 years ago Mr..
Chaplin offered a resignation fearing
that younger man was wanted, but
happily the church refused to accept it,,
saying that they could not find his
equal, and these last 10 years have
been among the most blessed and fruit.
full of the entire period,
1t is hoped OF the church and com
munity that Mr.. Chaplin will retain
his residence in Saxtons River and be-
come pastor emeritus of the church.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
THURSDAY, AUGUST q, 1921.

The fifteenth annual pilgrimage to
the Old, Rockingham meeting house is
to take place this year on, Sunday,
August 7. The address will be by
Judge Frank L. Fish Of Vergennos
and the sermon by Rev. DR.. A. Z. Con
rad of the Park street church, Bos-
ton. For Is years the people from
miles around have gathered at this
famous old Vermont church, four
miles from Bellows Falls, on some
Sunday in August for worship and an
address by some we'll known Yer
monter. 1t is one Of the most inter
esting and impressive annual events
in Vermont and might we'll be copied
in other places.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
WHEN ! WAS WEE.

Twas me was the Givil when | was wee,
Full ~ capogs aud up tor run.
And there wasn't one in the parish like me
Ana dear! How my tWo bare feet could
run
When | was wee.
Fetch or fellow iv me TO get
ied wander TAR ON either hand,
But that and an we'd never set
Eyes on the bate is yer own townland,
When ] was wee.
All, sharp the tip iv the tongue that's old.
And white the laugh when the lips fall
In
It's the young to laugh and the aged to
scold
The old to pray and the young to sin,
And was wee,
And We want to 70 ont 10 the dance. avlc,
AZ II We have nothin else To do2
And me the poor old man on a stick,
And once ! could step on the moor Ike
You
When ] was wee,
Patrick McGnl "Moureen" cBride).
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
Hunting I'd. Luxe"

ndmher Of circular windows through
which he can look out in any dlrct.
tlon.
\ bracket extending forward be-
tween the hunters iegs supports Ia
front of him vertical rod to which
nrc attached SPY glass an electric
Searchlight for night use and several
tooi-horns of different types (actmlel
BY the pressing Of hutions) for Turing
animals Within range
Carried on The same rod urc hoo T.
tar his cont agla l'ght writing dasK.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
Observe wllpa Odd ernxlsinns

A chcir boy stood on his head at
leighton Buz2ard, BedfordShire, Ing.
recently while parts of a win were
read. The viii was that OF Edward
Mikes, Il Seventeenth century London
merchant who lett ulmshouSes and
lands 10 tie town with the stipulation
that each wear the bcuting of the
bounds should he observed in the RIG.
ing generation. Beer and jlrl rolls
were formerly provided for the boys.
WHO now receive money.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04

An Ontario reader says the Mun.
trcal Family Herald has n chicken
with fom' legs The two extra legs
ore immediately behind the two normal
legs, The chick decS not use It's two
extra legs They are perfectly formed
vim feet At the time of writing our
reader says the chick was one wcel,
OLD and was doing well.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
Open Evenings.

with a pouch for wrt.ug materials.
Tins seated at ease and elevated
high In the air so as to survey a wide
extent OF surroundings, the hunter,
projected from the ardent rays of the
sun by the umbrella. can occupy him
self comfortable with hook or with
lis correspondence while waiting for
something To come along aud be killed.
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
A wise wife advises

her husband to insure A wise father
that he is responsible
but perishab'e. Life insurance guar
antees family protection No senti.
ment, just plain business precaution.
1t saves while It serves. National
Life lns, Co. Vt. (Mutual0 Earle S.
Kinsley, General Agent, Mead Build
ing, Rutland, VT Advertisement,
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04

Today The output Of the cotton
mlls OF North and South Carolub
alone is greater than the combined
output of all the mills in the south
ern states - years ago.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
Vaccination for Marriage.

In Swedrn ana Nolwayau legal mar
rlage at one time wis not allowed
10 bn performed until both pariies
had produced certificates stating that
they bore genuine vaccination marks
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
His Yawnina Disastrous.

While stretching ana yuUnns a nam
IN Norfolk county ont. dIslocated III.
urms lie also opened his .outh 81
vide rs TO cause lockJaw.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
A Sense Of Fitness.

Fogg remarks that the world won't
seem quite right to him until "com-
menrement" begins the college term
instead OF ending lt-LoS.on Tran
script tA no a4.l,h.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-08-04
carpenter and Builder

Il vCu are considering anything Ia
Ms &C either new or rebuilding. lei
NJ talk oyer with you. Gooa work
md pc hable prices.
". = PALMER. Phone AGAIN
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1921-01-26
HOSPITAL
DEATHS FOLLOWING
EATING OF SPINACH

Grand Rapids Mich. Jan. 25.--With
two attaches OF tn" Blodgc;t hospital
hero dead, two others reported in Il
critical condition and dozen others
III, DR. {. q. Slcm"uS. city health Of
deer. late today began IN Investigation
of food served To- the hospital staff last
Saturday.
\ cursory analysis by hospital ply
siCians. it wJS nuuuTn"vi. Indicated
that the fatal poison Wa b1rcilas botU-
line from preserved spinach.
\ special serum ordered from the
University Of Illinois arrived tonight.
and physicians were hopeful the treat
m"ut would avert further fatalities.
The dead are Miss Gertrude l.. CUylc,
n nurse and John Smith. an orderly.
Lcwrcncc 1Iill, an orderly: Joseph
Allen. an elevator operator. and 4 !oln-
dry worker whose name was not given
ont are reported to be seriously Ill.
About twenty members Of the Siai' pa.
took al the spinach, it Is said. and al.
have shown signs Of poisoning.
Hospital authorities had not made
public full details OF m" cases tonight.
although il WAS sad They closely re-
Fcmhlcd those attributed s"mr months
ago to IN" eating OF ripe olives,
The hospital board met tonight to
COnSiuCr tn" cases.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1921-01-26
PARI-MUTUAL
RACING BILL
INTRODUCED

Charleston. W. Va. Jan. @5.-RacinS
under the Pa-.-Mutuel wouid be legal
Ted and = racing commission 10 super
wise the sport created by Il OIL nitro
ducsd IN the state legislature today by
Senator York. OF Williamson.
4 similar measure introduced two
years ago failed after a stormy career
n which the veto power Of Governor
Cornwell was usal after the bill had
"a Sel both H"usv~. ~ that time. tho
senate again passed the racing bill over
the governors veto, but the House faii-
I'd 10 give II the necessary three fouFths
vote.
Proponents today expressed confidence
that tho bill would emerge from the
legislature mill ursrathcd and be among
no nrSt 20 DC laid before Governor
eject l. +. Morgan for his signature In
early April The attitude Of the next
governor upon horse facing has not
9"cn Expressed.
The bill Is modelled COSBY along the
mes Of racing legislation OF The neigh
boring states os kentucky AMI Mary
and. y provides for racing commits
x!on " three members. appointed by the
S:a;e tax commissioner.
BETTING - placed under state control
!, through to provisions. which provide
for the Ise and supervision o. pari-
rr,utuc, machines. One G:th OF the money
bet !. I, 20 70 the promoters except for
4 fC6 ~ this amount which Tho state
: 20 collect as tax.