The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1921-11-03

Speaking Of working for your
board, short time ago, widowel
with several small children advertised
for housekeeper and offered tor
wages for the services, but received
no reply to his advertisements. In
desperation he advertised for wife
and received 100 replies.
& 4 4
The class in chemistry was west
ling with tough problem. Sup
pose,' said the professor, "you were
called upon to attend a patient who
had swallowed heavy dose of oxalic
acid-what would you administer ?"
There was silence for few mo-
ments and then voice spoke up:
"The sacrament"
MY wife and | lived all alone,
In little brown cot we called our
own.
She drank gin and drank rum.
You betcha, that was going some
But now the country's gone bone dry,
And substitutes we rarely try
Since we no longer have a cot.
In fact, we haven't got lot
The house blew up when we made
home brew,
1t tore the lot to thunder, too
Old Bill Misgivens, who is renown
ed for his tall stories, on being asked
out to dinner, made arrangements
with his wife, who was to accompany
him, that she should kick him if he
began to go too far. Quite early in
the evening he started off. "That
reminds me- he said to the hostess,
"of a friend of mine who had rose
garden over ten miles long, and
he felt kick-"and two inches wide"
"My cousin, Hank Buckley, paid SO
for dog couple of weeks ago." re-
lated Old Bill Misgivens, and directly
gave the dog and four bits to boot
for fiddle. Pretty soon he snapped
the fiddle and six bits for a shotgun.
He hadn't much more than got set
tied with the gun than he figured he'd
lather have a dog than shotgun, and
snapped the gun for the varmint.
and the Teller made him give 81 to
boot. After a spell he got to study
ing and decided that he wanted
fiddle worse than he did dog. So
he snapped with the fiddle man and
gave him 81 to boot. Well, he kept
his up, swapping fiddle or dog or gun
it happened to be, for one
IF the other things, and giving 81, or
such matter, to boot every time, till
ne was out 1925 and had the dog.
= men sss;=. him last he told me It |
vas a dreadful thing not to be able /
% make up his mind and keep it made |
lp."
A clerk in Cohen's Mammoth De-
oartment store went to the boss and
lsked him for an increase in salary.
W." says Cohen, "diss is no time to
,sk for more wages; dimes ISIS too
,ard, und you do very leetle work.
Now viii show you how leetle work
,ou do for me in year. Der year
lass 1865 days in it, und each day ISIS
"A hours, dwindled in three eggwall
,arts; s hours for work, s hours for
leep, and s hours for blay. Now
1ou just leezen. Dake 8 hours what |
ron sleep in each day, vich is 1872
lays from 1865 days, and dat leefs 24S
lays. Now you blay hours in each
lay, vich ISIS anudder l22 days from
'43, und dat leefs 121 days, see?
Vow der vas 81 Sundays ven you dit
lot work, and dake dat from 12l und
lat leefs SO days. Now ven der zum-
ner comes, you say, Mr.. Cohen, 1
ant work; I'm all in and want q
und Gift you two weeks
n; dake IA days from So und dst
eefs So days. Und you takes one
md haff hours for your lunch each
ay, vich leefs / day. Und yust re-
member now dat dat day vas our re-
all salesmen's picnic, und you asked
n to go to it." {
A man who had nothing else to do
ecently wrote Buick Head in
Valve" on the back of chautauqua
icket 1885 times. Then mathema-
ician calculated that if the scribe
ould duplicate his microscopic work