Licking Valley courier., 1921-08-18

the model visitor. III / nad my own
household, with a charming bride to
pour the imitation coffee, and vipe
and fgtree In a jardlniere, I'd send a
special delivery letter to James, ask
ing him to come and stay for ten years
or more.
"There's something restful and
soothing about that gifted man. He
never bothers anybody. No one has
to waste precious moments entertain
ing him. 1t isn't necessary to discuss
the weather predictions, or dig up a
lot Of statistics about the crops, In
order to make James have good time.
You don't have to show him the old
plush photograph album, and describe
the ancestry OF the melancholy effigies
whose pictures appear therein. Near
ly all visitors are hOres, my dear Mrs.
Jiggers, because they have to be en-
tertained. Somebody has to sit up
with them and thrash out last years
gossip. They have no initiative or
referendum. They have no resources
of their own. In order to have pleas
ant visit, they need help.
"Your cousin James is a man after
my own heart. / remember his last
visit quite well. He came in the eve
ming, and after supper he took a chair
on the porch. Knowing he was
guest, felt 1t my duty to entertain
him In the conventional way. l
dragged my chair close up to his and
remarked that II was a pleasant eve
ming, but the presence Of cloud bank
In the northwest almost convinced me
that there would be rain within twelve
hours, In which case, l proceeded,
there would be much jubilation among
the honest old farmers, whose crops
were suffering for moisture.
James listened to my remarks and
then looked at me, In sad, reproach-
full wny, as though he thought 1t n
shameful thing that lmbeclles should
be at large. AMI then he took his chair
to the opposite end Of the porch with
out having said word. ! must con-
fess that l felt like a counterfeit
kOpeck for a few minutes, but the
more / considered the matter, the
more I admired and respected that
remarkable man.
''He used TO 60 downtown every
morning and buy paper backed
novel, or a fiction magazine, and then
he'd read II all day, and when he was
done with his literature he left II
where the boarders could get 1t.
didn't hear him say ten words during
his visit, yet you say, Mrs. Jiggers
that he is an unsatisfactory guest
Elderly landladies, whose intellect:
have been warped by long years Of
parslmony, are hard TO please.
Jeremiah, whom you describe as
jolly and agreeable, should be sup
pressed. He has collected all the ole
choesey stories ever manufactured
and insists upon telling them. He has
n horrible habit of making puns, ant
considers himself humorlst, be
cause of II. You couldn't brlbe him I,
sit down with a book or magazine ant
behave himself He has to be enter
talned every minute Of his time, ant
the only way you can entertain hin
Is by letting him do the entertaining
ale Is n genial old freak who think
he is n privileged character, and every
hodys pet The last time he was her
he went into my sumptuous apart
ment and used my razor to shave til
southeast quarter section of hi
countennnce. His whiskers are fu
of hurhed wire, and the razor wa
ruined When I spoke to him abou
II he thought II funny. Yet you refe
TO such n man as an agreeable Wis
tor. blush for you, Mrs. Jlggers."