Omaha daily bee., 1921-08-21
THE HUsKING BEE
Its Your DAY.
Start It With a Laugh


As in your eyes I'm looking,
To view your culinary charms
To taste again HOME COOKING!
PHILOSOPHY.
You can't blame your wife for being nag if
she is compelled to work like horse.
Many woman 1--WE imagine) wishes she
had shortened her matrimonial career by pro-
longing the engagement.
PREPAREDNESS.
"Why are you taking vocal lessons!'
Getting ready for the time when automo-
biles can be bought for a song"
He found the maid pensive He married
her. After that he found her expensive
The more tender a love letter is the mushicr
it sounds when read in court.
OUCH
I'm afraid this remedy will prove draw
back"
what are you trying now?"
"A porous plaster
WHILE THERE'S LIFE, ETC.
Him up7" The doc said, mo, by heck!
know the patient may not live,
But he can still endorse check"
"Auspicious Hope! in thy sweet garden grow
Wreaths for every toll, charm fox every woe"
Mr.. Huskng Bee
Dear Sir: T'other day while out Fording
we passed pretty building
Whats that?" Nom demands
That's the House of Hope" we enlight-
ened her.
"Oh," she says, innocent like. Il always
wondered where they built the Old Maids
Home" Dee
NIX KLU KLUX.
To the Editor of The Husking Bee:'
Oh, East is East and West is West, and never
the twain shall meet,
So Kipling wrote, some years ago. and his
theory can't be beat;
But how do you figure the Klu Kfux Klan,
coming up from the south so bold,
Can they threaten and torture the northern man
like the negro in days OF old!
"Nay, nay" comes the cry from below and on
high,
"Our liberties we'll maintain,
And keep Omaha free from stain"
MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.
American typesettng machine has been
adapted to Chinese alphabet as simplihed to IS
characters.'
In other words, Chinese alphabet has been
pared down to fit American typesettng ma
chimes Chink A. B. C's now confined to IS
tough Characters. Used to take Oriental
three weeks to run up the scale
on Chinese typewriter. That covered brief
salutation of business letter. Letter had to be
dated two years in advance to get into mails
on time.
Laundry ticket of 400 letters was only good
for one shirt and one collar Household wash
alphabet That was in old days before China
left door open and pair of Occidental ideas
seeped in. !
Now guy with rubber collar can get starched
B. V. DIS from Chinese clairvoyant in sign
language by using only fingers of one hand
Providing fingers grasp club. Chink takes cue
from what you mean not what you say.
Chinese drama used to run three weeks.
Now runs only three reels. Patrons OF Ihes-
plan art used to get both bored and lodging. |
Took hero week to scatter enough OF the alpha
bet to warn sant-eyed maiden that her mother
was peekng out of window. By that time old
dame had spigot turned on own vocabulary.
William couldn't hiss in less than seven
scenes Hiss letters way down near middle OF
alphabet.
Abbreviated Chinese alphabet can now be |
printed in one book. Used to take whole library:
Chink civilization dates back to founding OF
Chow dynasty. Woo-Wang said to have in
vented first letter OF alphabet For centuries |
unfinished alphabet was handed down from |
father to son. Work of centuries knocked |
cuckoo by invention of standard American key |
board with accommodations for but IS letters.
Proving that nothing has ever been done that
some one else cannot do better.
To Our Small Army of Contributors:
Dear Fellow Scribes: Lack of space--not |
lack of merit--has prevented us from printing
all contribs on time. We trust you will bear
with us in patience, as it were, until such time
as we can use all suitable material promptly |
We have on hand now several select literae
scriptae which we shall shoot as soon as pos
sib1e-and we are thankful that good contrib,
like good liquor, does not exactly, as one might |
say, deteriorate with age. /
Meantime we thank you and let the good
work go on. Yours till the trees leave.
-Philo
ALL FOR ONE-FOURTH OF A CENT.
The correct sum OF 2 and 2
Has always been just 4,
Since man began his sums to plan
It's been no less; no more;
But now alas, in this fair state,
Two halves will not make one
If this you doubt, just try it out
On street car con" for fun.
- t,. otba