Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1921-04-07

NN'y thS NohNtu-
lions. and get relief the best way he
can"
Il can understand Just how Il has
worried YOU" said the hoteIkeeper.
The fact that you couldn't reach
around and claw the itching place
with your fingers kept the matter
fresh In your memory and got on your
nerves. The pursuit OF the unattnin-
able always is more interesting to us
than the easier work close to hand.
You had your whole person to scratch,
and might have bought a currycomb
Tor quarter. and had good time, but
you couldn't be happy until you had
reached the one inaccessible spot.
"A while ago imagined had
heart disease, and went and saw the
doctor. He knows have money In
the bank, and am considered good pay.
so he confirmed my worst fears, and
made up his mind to have me for his
star patient, until one Of us petered
out. He threw an awful scare into me.
so that went home sweating ice cold
circus lemonade.
He gave me some medicines and
lot of Instructions. Among them was
one to the effect that when went to
he'd should always sleep on my right
side. He cautioned me over and over
again against laying on my left side.
and left the impression that IL dis
obeyed him. I'd wake up some morn
Ing to find myself a candidate for a
floral horseshoe.
''That matter looked easy at the
time, and I assured the doctor I'd fol-
low his bylaws to the letter. When
I went to bed that night. stretched
out on my right side. and in ten min
utes ] was just suffering to roll over
] don't believe I ever had such n
laundering for anything. 1t seemed to
me the height Of human happiness
would lie in sleeping on ones left side.
/ followed instructions for two nights,
and then I decided that life wasn't
worth such sacrifices. and rolled over
and slept on my left side. and nothing
happened. I was feeling better than
usual next morning when got up.
"Of course this experience lessened
my confidence In the Doctors instruc-
lions. and I concluded that If was
going to sidestep the instructions /
might as well sidestep the medicines,
too. for they tasted like low life In n
Chinese alley, and I threw the whole
lot out of the window Thus the saw
bones lost his most promising patient
because he handed out rule that
wasn't strictly necessary.
speaking OF the unattainable, do
you know what's the matter with SIlas
Furbelow? He has everything a man
could ask. stranger In the town
would say. He has n beautiful home
and wife who would be considered a
success anywhere, and he has festOons
Of money where II will do the most
| good.
"Yet he has a secret sorrow.
think he's the most melancholy man I
ever saw. and his trouble is that he
can't raise good stand Of whiskers.
Nowadays. when whiskers are consId.
cred an infirmity, 1t seems strange
that any man should grieve over such
a matter.
"He sends all over the United
States for hair growers. and half the
time his face is blistered or swollen,
and still the whiskers won't grow on
him. IF some miracle happened, and
he woke up some morning to find his
cOuntenance all covered with whiskers,
he'd probably have them shaved of
within a week; but because they won't
grow, he won't be happy till he gets
/ xhn,x,