Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1921-12-18
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since early childhood was 1t our aim to pro-
about. Our sole desire was to stop drinking.
OF course now that we have succeeded 1t is
only natural to boast about 1t a little
There have been number of articles re-
of intimate and personal things. We know
Of no reason why our own testimony should
not be added to the sum total of human
knowledge. We have had articles about how
to reduce ones weight increase ones blood
pressure, maintain the happiness of home,
operate an automobile, stop eating opium
and suppress jealousy in a harem.
OF course we could. If we would write at
considerable length on this automobile ques-
ton. The title for this story would be THE
Confessions Of an Automobile Owner" To
be perfectly frank about it, the only reason
we do not write this story is that we are
not quite sure about the statutes of limita-
ton, and until we ascertain definitely just
when criminal prosecutions are barred by
time discretion prompts us to remain silent.
We had one of these automobiles that was
absolute perfection, with the exception of
the transmission, the differential. the steer
ing equipment and the starting system.
1t reminded us of a statement once made
10 us by the manager of a theatrical per-
Torrance whose show we had been sent to
criticise. After the second act he asked us
how we liked it.. We began to evade
Tell me exactly what you think Of it."
he said.
DO you really mean that7" we asked.
Certainly / want to know.
.n.A
show I ever saw" we answered blunty.
MY Gawd, mani" he answered, Gust look
at them costumes"
That is about what the automobile dealer
replied when we directed his attention to
the minor defects in the car which we have
spoken of.
THAT car has the best engine in the
world" he said
He was telling the truth about 1t. too. It
was a fine engine and never gave US
particle of trouble. Neither did the car, for
that matter, as long as we ran in straight
line. 1t was only when we attempted to
turn corners that the things would break
However. the automobile did not break any
more completely than we did before we
stopped assocating with each other
We might at this junctYre make a parody,
using as a basis the man who had both
money and friends, but the thing is so
obvious that we merely suggest i to you.
You can work it out as well as we can.
LowEvER, we started, started out a to t tell how
l. - nation was the result of dining at
the home of friend on the Friday evening
before Labor Day. Our friend served on that
evening a delightful substitute for our ia
vorite drink, but the substitute had abso-
lutely no effect in 1t whatever The taste
vas the same, the smell was identical, and
there was just as much pleasure in the
drinking, but without the kick.
1t reminded us of what old Uncle Aaron
said about drink we gave him one after
noon as a reward for extra and rather
arduous labors in the vegetable garden.
where he had given battle to and conquered
a perfect horde of potato bugs.
When the old man came whistling up to
the back door there was a look of satisfac-
tion about him.
Oar now" he exclaimed triumphantly.
am be bound we amt gwinter be pestered
by dem bugs no mo-. Dey sho met dey death
dis day."
"Yessur, believes I will, 1t bein' sech a
hot day." he continued in response TO our
invitation.
So the old man took perfectly enormous
drink which we poured out for him-took it
without water and smacked his lips.
do you want a little water Aaron?" we
asked, thinking he might have been burned
by the liquor.
"Nosur," he replied, "I won't take no
water. What's de use Of buildin' er fire eff
yo' gwine ter pour water on it and put her
out?"
IT. HERE is another set OF confessions, by
the way that we are fully qualified
- to write about. Once we tried to be
a moonshiner Our confessions on this SUBJ
1ect would recount our failures in that noble
profession OF course we come from State
where moonshnng has progressed from
being mere profession into the realm of
real art.
An article Of this kind would naturally
begin with our experience in covering a
layer of peaches with a coating OF sugar,
following with another layer of peaches and
SO upward and onward until the crock was
filled at great labor and enormous cost 1t
would speak of our amazement in discover
ing several weeks later tflat we nad produced
merely crystallized fruit, which could be
extracted from the crock only with the aid
Of an axe.
Our confessions would tell of the number
Of yeast cakes we had wasted and of the
quarts grape Juice we had spoiled In
attempts produce drink that could be
offered to visitor at the home without
creating suspicion that an attempt was being
made on his life. Several times we have
even thought that we could see the effect of
the poison as it coursed
Then we would have to tell about the beer
we made. which was about Of the consistency
of glue and which smelled more like gum
arabic than it did like anything else. This
particular substance we threw out the
kitchen window into the back yard, but even
the chickens would not eat it. and the dog
stayed away three days.
Yes some day we are going to write about
our efforts at moonshning. Candor compes
us to admit that the stuff we made was even
worse than New Workers are now consum-
ing at a dollar drink.
They tell a story about man who went
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