The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-10-29
ANDREW AND
 MOCENE
By ROE FUIKERsoN

Why. Andrew" exclaimed Imo- gene, what on earth Is the matter with you? Are you ill?"
 Andrew waved her away and sat heavily down in his easy chair.
 Never mind honey" he said weari- ly. Its all over now. I have passed through it safely and am back in the bosom of my family and I have joined the Never Again Club.
 My idea of siren has always been of lady with few clothes and lots of hair sitting on a rock playing 8 Tyre. I suppose yours has been the assume all sorts of shapes. Can you imagine one weighing 225 on the hoof? Can you imagine a siren who bulges in the middle like molasses barrel? Can you imagine a siren with red necktie on? Can you inn agine a siren who instead of carry ing Tyre Is a liar?
 This was the form that one as- stunned with me today. I have a cold, as you know, and as I turned the corner quickly today. my brain skid ded and I met this fat man and he was enroute to a Turkish bath. He rcticed had a cold and told mo this crazy bath was a panacea for all the ills to which mortal flesh is heir,and that If would go with him he would fix my business-he did.
 'I remem bered that most every thing in the world has happened to me exceptsa Turkish bath. and I all lowed myself to be lured by the wheezy, gin-laden voice of this siren in red necktie and went.
 "The guy at the desk took all my belongings and checked them in a a A, a aff a hn ft,yno thought it was for my safety, but later realized that on account of the tortures in the middle chamber he did not want met to have anything offensive or defensive on me for fear I would do murder.
 'I was turned over to a counter part of Jack Dempsey. The things he did to your poor husband would have been Q credit to the Spanish inquisi- ton, and what makes me so mad is to think paid him money to do 1t.
 T was put in a steam room and par-boiled till I was as red as the nose of the fat man who took me in there. and from time to time my tor turer would come in and poke mo to see if was tender
 T was laid on slab and pounded like Ida pounds the beaten biscuits, only he did it with his fist instead of a-roliing pin.
 They massaged me until the flesh was ready to drop from my bones and was so cooked expected every minute to see him come with straw to stick into me like you do a cake when you are trying to see if it is
 ni'ed inside.
 "He scrubbed me with what thought was sand soap. till he ex- plained that it was a salt rub. He then turned the hot water. on me and washed off the accumulation of gore from my various woundARnd began to play an xylophone, solo on my ribs with his fists. I think the tune was Darling, I Am Growing Old but I couldn't wait for the chorus to make sure.
 At last I could stand no more and threatened to kill him with my bare hands, and he told me to step out and take a plunce in the pool and would feel all right In the big pool in. the middle of that place the fat man, minus the red necktie. was wailowing and prffing like a hippo. potamus. at the zoo, and I hoped in beside him.
 < "Honey. will remember it to my 6ying day. That water was as cold as organized charity. and all my in nards tried to climb out of my mouth and my clattering teeth cut one corner off my liver. I hurried out as faAt as could. but when I got to the edge of that pool was pinpled with goose flesh. Never