The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1921-05-05

/ A writer in a current mAgazin
says the United States postal system
is the worst in the world. Doubles
the writer has no bills coming due o
he would know how blamed promp
the mails can be around the first o
the month.
A merchant and = doctor Of tn,
same nem lived on the same street
Ths merchant died and about tn
same time the doctor was called to ,
distant city. On his arrival he tele
graphed his wife, but the wire went
TO the merchants widow by mistake
1t was worded As follows: ARRIVED
safely; heat terrific
Twas the night before payday
And all through my jeans,
was searching in vain
For the price Of some beans.
But nothing was doing,
The milled edge had quit;
Not penny was stirring
Not even jit.
Forward, turn forward,
Oh, time in thy flight
Make it tomorrow
Just for tonight.
y q .
The following notice was found
posted on a deserted homestead in
the arid region of Kansas: "Four
miles from a neighbor, 16 miles from
a postoffice, Al miles from church,
1870 miles to timber, 800 miles to a
Democrat, half mile to hell and the
same distance to a Republican. Gone
to Idaho-Gods country-to get a
fresh start"
A well dressed couple stood on the
lines Sunday watching the baseball
game, and the man with an air Of
Importance explained the various
plays to the woman. "Who is that
behind the pitcher?" she finally ask
ed. THAT is the umpire" replied the
man. "Why don't he ever bat?"
she asked. "Well, you see," said the
man patronizingly, che is supposed to
be neutral, and only bats in case the
score is tied"
A stranger stood on corner calm
ly scratching his ear. A citizen pass
ed by and noticed the stranger thus
occupied, stepped up and greeted him
with hearty handshake,
took him into nearby restaurant
and gave him meal. When he had
finished the stranger turned to the
benefactor and thanking him asked:
'And may l inquire why you have
been so solcitious Of my welfare"
Most certainly" replied the citizen.
you were standing on the corner
giving the distress sign of our lodge.
know brother member when see
him."
We've printed it before, but a sub
'criber requests us to print it again,
10 here it is: Two travellers on q
country road met with an accident to
heir wagon. While one of them held
he team the other went to neigh
,oring farm house for tools to make
epairs. He asked the farmer, who |
to be Swede, if he had
monkey wrench, and this was the re-
'ly: mo, Ay hef got cattle ranch;
nai broder Ole hef got horse ranch;
telson hef got hog ranch down by
es creek, and a Yankee faller hef a
heep ranch, bote fife mile down des
Dad, but Ay bait you, no fallar hev
an blame fule enough to start q
monkey ranch in des country
She sat in stiff backed chair,
MS blue eyed mother and the arti-
cial lights of perpetual dark place
,ftened her prettiness and made her
ppear more girlish than she really
as. Only to close observer was it
pparent that she was having diff /,
ilty in keeping back the tears, at a
'ucial time. A few feet from her
lair, swung high, sat her 2-yea--old d,
IN, and the only thing in the world /:
lat made him appear so brave was
'e forced, encouraging smile that
s mother gave him, from time to
me, and to which he always respond
!. Half an hour passed and, at last, /,
e white-clad man who lowered over