The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1921-11-24

sy ApDls GRAVES.

them--the first two--had been sisters
II seemed as though Jim was obsessed
over crossed eyes. A wife without
crossed eyes would not seem lawful
wife. Crossed eyes had not crossed
his business luck. at any rate, for Old
Jim was worth at least 100000.
And he could not write his name OF
measure load of the lumber which
had brought him his fortune.
But he had way Of managing
things so the profit balance came out
with large per cent. He was very
thrifty..so thrifty that when he had
the third casket to buy he sought some
way TO economic.
In his estimation, funeral expenses
were wasted expenditure.
He Immediately sought the under
taker. This learned gentleman was
unboxing the casket of the third cross
eyed wife. Old Jim approached him
with no squeamishness.
Say. John, how much are the han
dies ON the casket valued atr'
John dropped the claw hammer on
his big toe and said things not sup
posed to be said in the presence Of
caskets Then:
81 dunno; they alters come on-the
same sort on the same sort of easkets !;
never he'd any special orders"
Old Jim viewed the handles as
though with begrudging envy. "weH,
John, it's awful foolish to bury them
handles. Casket handles should be de-
tachable-sbould be kept with the
stands for holding the casket during
the service. You just take them off
and return them-after the folks has
left the cemetery--before you fill the
grave. Send them back and get them
discounted from the BILL"
John carefully Strengthened some
nails he had drawn from the casket
box before he replied:
"All right, jim; maybe it will save
enough to pay the minister next time"
Jim lit his pipes drew in Whit of
smoke, exuding 1t from his nostrils,
threw the match out the window and
departed In seeming blank mindedness.
John slammed the door with: "The
d-d-d-d / don't-know-what !" The
next winter the undertaken died with
influenza. His wife had an auction
and Old Jim Fuller bought large
box of small assorted hardware.
Among the articles we're the casket
handles, which he had now paid for
twice-both times uhknowingly. The
village doctor spied the handles and
offered Old Jim dollar for them.
A short time after this, old Jim
brought home wife No. A. Strange it
was, her eyes were straight-straight
from clear brain. she proceeded to
make the money-and other things,
including Old Jim-fy. First, she
bought load Of nice, expensive wall
paper and paint and sent for the viii
lage decorator. He came without his
papering board, Tor he knew Old Jim
had brought a fine board home from
the mill for the cross-eyed wives to do
the papering In by-gone days. He
knew IL was in the attic. The new
Mrs. Fuller accompanied the decora-
tor to the garnet in search of the
board. The man pointed TO a long
row of old hats and bonnets hanging
on some nails under the caves.
"You see them bunnets? Yours will
be hanging Cd hat next empty nail
some da" .sng them company"
The q eyed wife's eyes almost
burned - 'bunnets" with lightning
flashes. sac grabbed them all-her
two arms full, some hanging by with
cred strings. and flung them from the
window, when they slowly fioated to-
ward the mill-dam..
"Not by a dam-site ~ she said, with
grim grin. "Jim's hat viii hang
there I"
In a moment they had discovered
the papering board. The paperhanger
continued his free informing: "Tbis
board has held all the bodies Of Jim's
wives. They were all laid out on it.
II will hold you some day. Then II
followed the "bunnets."
In a box near the board were some
paste brushes and pairepof casket
handles. The straight black eyes
bulged.
"What-what are thoseT
The paperhanger pretended not to
hear. A female hurricane swept to-
ward him.
IF you must know. they are the
handles Of the last wife,s casket--
saved to put on yours" The handles
did not fellow the "bunnets" and the
board. A laugh, as when the lightning
hits a granite rock and skids down its
sides, split the air. The three cross.
eyed wives had wept little April show,
ers. most days In their dreary. drudg.
ing lives. The stralght-eyed wife went
down TO the telephone and ordered a
new hOrse-the best in the stable-a
harness and new buggy. Those were
the times before cars were invented OF
the buggy would have been llmou'
sine.
Old Jim. that winter, fell and broke
several ribs. Complications set In and
~