The Washington times., 1921-04-10
SAYS SKILLET"
Finn, Esq,
The Seven Ages Of Sport
Run the Gauntlet From
Tiddle-de-de to fiddle
de-Winks.
BY KIRK MILLER

we were sittin anu t&ihiH WIN
this here Cooley Finn 'smorninC
who rattles up from Havany to dis
cuss some important matters OF
state and the lates' quotations on
bootleg, when all of sudden he
pops into Shakespearian.d dialect and
axes us what is the seven stages
OF man as concerns his sporting
well-being.
Alrus KNOWN that this here Skill
let person is somewhat a little rat
ty beneath tho globe, we hate to
stare at him unnecessary. but this
last cross-questionin' sure makes us
believe that either the hot sun of
Cuby or the icebergs Of Alasky
have gone plum to his head.
Maybe you have noticed one prize
weakness Of Skillet's. His ability
to be one place on one day and
somewhere on the other section of
the map the next, has surprise and
dumbfounded scientists. far and
close every since Little Skillet was
captured wandering hatless. ana
practically headless in the streets
of Smithfeld.s w. Va. some two or
three centuries ago.
ARRIVED IN ID. G.
VIA CANNON BALL.
That's the reason Skillet hap
pened to canter into the local
goofey department bright and early
'smornin'. He came by cannon ball
from Habany where he has been
making some technical observations
at the Lasker-Capablanca cheese
80 d.
/ Skill spent the month OF March in
! Loose Factory and points up. train
ing his championship b. b. seven for
the Pantages Circuit. In jumping
from one hemisphere to another he
never travels on anything slower
than fabricated lightning nor faster
than dog team.
Fact is, his favorite form OF modus
operandi Is via dog team, both of
'em being so tired this morning tina:
the second thing he asked for was
a change of foot linen.
But to beat our way back to the
main bearing Of our barrage The
seven ages of mans sporting in
stinct are slightly in excess of the
orthodox septette put to music by
Bill Shakespeare
SEVEN AMT ENOUGH,
COME ELEVEN.
S'Seven amt enough, Skillet. old
reprobate," we buzzes this wart-
festered little elf from Smithfield
there is a couple of dozen fstages
of spoofdom where a mutt has got
to pass through before he really
' gets good sense, and then there amt
no guarantee that he won't lose his
dome some time and ny of and
marry A woman"
Sheddin' such. we enter into a
, dialogue Of the sporting menu
/ which usually dots a gents life
! from childhood to second childhood.
From iddlc-de-winks to. tiddls-
! de-winks," means me. rs the usual
course a mans sporting instincts
pursue during the regime in which
he comes from the dust and to dust
returneth."
"How Gomez" shifted Skillet.
Well" we mpart, when you
were little whopper crawlin' about
on the linoleum. the flrst p1aythings
your lamps lit upon were a flock or
| fiddle -de-wink chips which had
tumbled off the table, wasn't it?"
Low IL WERE" means Skillet,
ungrammatically.
AMONG AMERICAS GREAT
ARMY OF LOITERERs.
Skillet. from that minute on.
you have been one of Americas
great army of sport lovers, and
about the last load your feeble
and weakened hand will be able
to push will be one Of those same
young tiddlewink nick-nacks.
Baseball is usually the first
and initial course OF sport nour-
ishment which the Kid takes 10
after he is really loose from. his
babyhood, He's long about ten or
/ twelve before he can manipulate
the regulation horsehide capsule.
but up to that time he canters
around the sand lot with a rub
Der or cork ball that gives him
the rudiments, Of the great national
| pastime.
"Whadda y'u mean roodiments ?"
quizzed Skill.
Lay down. you soap head be-
fore we knock yu down"
-Yess. boss!"
| First the bouncin' baby, paving
an india-rubber ball, in its nurses
arms"
Don't make me cry, bossr'
Then the school boy, with bat
| anu bdii' SIdWIub oh Univ
| to class.
Then the hero. believing and
blowing as he makes a run around
end for touchdown.
Then the lover, always lofting
his gutta percha over into the
rough so that he and his frail
may have an excuse to be alone.
Then the husband thinking he's
got enough pen to play tennis.
Then the grandpop, pitching
horseshoes and playing whole
round of croauet, trying to act
young and spry.
Then the greatgrand dad.
slippered and pantalooned, back to
his checkers and tiddle-de- winks.
LOT OF OTHER SPORT
SKILLET DOESN'T sAvvY.
That about runs the gauntlet.
skillet old rascal. but lives OF all Of
us will vary.
with a pack OF folks there's 4
lot NV other pastimes which creep
in, sech as dominocs. parchesi,