Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1921-02-23
HEWITT'S WIT AND WISDOM
Former Glover Pastor Acknowledged
One of VermOnt's Greatest
SatiriSts.

Former Glover Pastor Acknowledged
One of VermOnt's Greatest
Satirists.
Rev. A. w. Hewitt of Plainfeld,
formerly of Glover, is acknowledged
as one of Vermont's ablest humorlsts
and some Of his sayings at the educa-
tional meeting in Montpelier last week
are worth reproducing. Of his speech
Editor Hindley of the Rutland Herald
says; -, ,
bursts of picturesque eloquence; the
rough, homely, and at times startling
comparisons and illustrations; the
hand-hewed countenance of native
beauty; and above all, the plain, COM
nonsense, always good-natured and
mostly humorous talk Of a regular
fellow, who, parson or person, as you
like, is always intensely human-these
are elements that make Hewitt unique
in Vermont, and in my opinion, a gem
of purest ray serene that needs no
polish and should not be long prisoned
| in the "dark, unfathomed caves" of
bleakest P1ainfeld.
One of Hewitt's little get-backs on
John M. Thomas was good. 1t was
something like this:
"When Dr. Thomas pulled that copy
of the Bible from his pocket thought
he was going to read that account of
how Sampson killed thousand Philis-
tines with a weapon thatI won't men
tion."
Experiment" said Hewitt, in ref
erence to the plan for a teachers col
lege, "certainly it's an experiment
Every time / marry a couple / know
it's an experiment. But / don't say
You poor creatures, don't get mar.
ried because the experiment might
not work OUT No, I say Thank yor
| for the fee; go forth and replenish the
earth And they go ahead and live
Happy forever after"
Then, as an apparent afterthought
AT least the last couple married die
md that was as long ago as day be
fore yesterday"
"You doctors: When you have ar
acute case of stork and you pack VI
5our instruments and set out to usher
| another human mite into the world
you know that every life is an exper
ment, but don't say You poor de-
luded, red-faced brat, you're just ar
experiment and I'll wiring your necl
for fear you'll go wrong
mo, you say Welcome to our city
One more and then I'll let you hire
Hewitt for an evening yourselves:
"People who don't believe DIR. Bag
ley is a real educator know about a.
much about education as Balaam's as.
knew about the Holy Trinity, but
hate to bring Balaam's ass into dis
cussion when we have so much goot
material right at home"
Of the address the Burlington Ere,
Press says:
Mr. Hewitt closed the argument fo-
the State Teachers college measure
with speech which kept his audienc,
in gales of laughter and brought fortl
burst after burst of applause. De
claring the statement that the Stat,
Board had not visited the norma
schools during the last five years wa
unfair, he said he, himself, had mad,
several visits to the schools during
that time, and the State Board wa
about as popular at Castleton as tn
devil at prayer meeting.
Forget the State Board for tn,
present. he said, "and if you want t,
wipe it off the slate little later, VIII.
you will give rest to a few wear!
men,"
In speaking of the normal schools o:
New Jersey, Mr.. Hewitt raised one o.
the biggest laughs of the session whe1
he said: "New Jersey has furnished u!
Everything from mosquitoes to Wood
row Wilson and it may well furnish
an argument on the educational ques
tion."
Declaring that the normal school.
h. r4a4D e.,
the last so years, Mr.. Hewitt said
wives who kept you in trouble all thu
time and they both died, would asl
the Angel Gabriel to have then
back?"
Mr.. Hewitt said that Mr.. Stearn.
held the State Board had "thrown &
sop" to the normal school people by
establishing teacher training classes
He said he did not quite see it in thai
light until he looked into his Bible
the other day and saw this verse
"After the sop, Satan entered int
him." Mr.. Hewitt declared that az
All roads lead to Rome," so all the
deliberations in regard to the educa
ton question have been leading tt
the Central Teachers College.
Commenting on DIR. Thomas OBJ
lection that this is an experiment anc
therefore should not be tried, Mr.
Hewitt asked if he would avoid mar.
riage because it is an experiment
cit was an experiment when Col.
umbus crossed the sea, so was ii
when the Pilgrim fathers set foo1
on Plymouth Rock; so was it wher
the Declaration of independence was
signed; so it is when anything of i'm
portance is done in this world"