The New York herald., 1921-01-09
Lifting a Mortgage
Often Is More of a
Miracle Than a Feat,
but There Are Still
Nj ore Difficult
Things to Raise
By EsDY YEMM.

by ESDI
.T SEE by the papers that Johnny Cou
lon this American prizehghter, ha
got all the wise birds over in Pari,
by the ears remarked Hood Gubbings al
the regular ineering of tho Innocent BY
ISLANDERS Club last night
"I thought ear-holds was barred" said
Tommy Fisher.
He isn't boxing. you poor simp." replied
Hood, hes lying"
"What did he lie about?" asked Walter
Jings did he tell em Wilson was coming
back?"
Nav, naw!" said Hood, disgustedly,
"dor't you ever read the papers? This Cou-
Ion boy Is a bantamweight. you understand,
and weighs about half pound less than
nothing at all, and Notwithstanding that,
when he says no, there amt strong man
in all Paris that can lift him! And all the
scientists in France have wore themselves
out tryin' to figure where he gets this
power. You can't do a thing with him
when he lies on the stage. He's unique"
II know a-plenty of actors that lie on
the stage" said Tommy Fisher. doggedly.
And off of it."
There amt soul in Paris that can lift
him." repeated Hood. "All the strong frogs
back tryin'."
Suggest Giving New York Burglars
Opportunity to Win New Distinction
Friend of mine told me once he had
French valet that could lift anything that
wasn't nailed to the floor of the apartment,
said James McCann but maybe they've all
been pinched. They had ought to let some
of those New York burglars try it,"
1.-The Mayor can't spare EN-" said Tommy,
"and besides, you can't get to Paris on q
crime wave"
mo but YOU can get to somebody" re-
marked Hood III you don't mind paying
for it. When it comes to protection, some
of these burglars would make high tariff
look like a ditch"
This Coulon baby. they tell me-" inter
rupted H. Percival Moggs, 'just puts his
back flat on the floor"
Jaw, those pugs are always laying down
on their jobs" observed Mr.. Fisher. It's
a wonder they waste money on shoes.
They'd do well as mattress demonstrators,
that's what they ought to work at"
"-and you can't raise him an inch," con-
cuded Mr.. Moggs admirngly.
II raised bird that weighed three hun
dred pounds, one time" said Walter Jings,
with rueful look, 'and it cost me just
eighty bucks. I was raisin' full house"
TT don't get you anywhere, this lifting
business" observed Harvey G. Maple. shak-
ing his head wisely. II knew a boob who
lost all the coin his old man left him, just
by lifting his finger He used to lift il at
bartenders. But that was in the old days,
Of course. You lift one now. and they bring
YOU another order OF bankruptcy"
"whaddye suppose is the matter with
these French strong men?' asked Mr.. Nc
Cam "I always thought a Frenchman
could boost anything up
"Oh you're thinkin' about the hotel bills"
explained Mr. Gubbings. AT that even a
- ~ -At, txo.I -.
raise
"A good deal OF this lifting business is
lust a trick" contributed Mr. Moggs. "At
least, that's what fellow told me once
He said he could teach anybody how to lift
watch"
"Why a watch isn't heavy" said little
Mr.. Jings innocently.
mo but bis sentence was" replied Moggs.
AT that. maybe the French huslsies think
II they lift an American they'll be breakin'
blue law"
"No, that amt it," said Tommy Fisher
positively. THE French was never strong
on this uplft stuff. you know that That's
the reason they won't lift him. They're too
wise. those boys"
well" asserted Mr. Maple, IF Carpenter
amt any stronger than the rest of those
French he won't lift anything often Jack
Dempsey next Fourth OF July"
"You dropped ton then" said Mr. Cub
bings.
When O'Shaughnessy Was on the Force
He Found the Little Ones Most Difficult
when I was on sne force" observed Mr..
OShaughnessy. who had up to this point
listened quietly to the discussion, Il had
many an experience in liftin' men that
didn't want to be lifted. II is my experience
that the lttler they come the harder they
are to pry into the wagon I well remem-
ber tryin' 10 lift little gentleman that had
laid down in the middle Of the street one
night was on the beat. had met up with
this little bird earlier in tn evenin, when
looked In atNthe back door at Callahan's.
He was arguin' with friend Of his then.
Have one on me- he says. 7 would says
his friend. only II gives me tn rheumatism
Well. have coupia fingers Of lumbago'
says tn little man, urgin' him. All right,
says his friend. So they has that one. an
then his friend comes back at him with an
invitation 10 spear coup1a shots o. neu-
ralgia: and they has 'em. with ginger ale
on tn side; an when went out O. Gala
hans they was drinkin' neurits an pleurisy
an singin at that.
well. when ] meets up with this little
genius again he's layin' in the middle OF
tn street, as say, shot fun Of electricity
up to his neck. At least that's what he
says. 'On'cer.' he says, behold human mag
nett Full of 'lcctric'ty. irr'sist'bly 'tracted
10 earth Pull me up. can't be done!'
BY gollies. think he was right at that.
We couldn't lift him on bet. give It up.