Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-03-05

PERTH AMBOY EVENING NEW
BITS OF BYPLAY
II BY Luke McLuke. II
\ Copyright. 1920. by The Cincinnati Enquirer.
No Joke!
THAT money talks. we used to say"
But money doesn't talk to-day.
1t honks."
Paw Knows Everything.
Willie-Paw, what is slip-on?
Paw-A banana skin, my son.
Real Show.
Few theatres can stage a show
That makes you laugh, that's very true;
1 think that l would rather go
And watch fat man tie his shoe.
OUGHT
How did that fellow smith run in the last
election ?" asked Brown.
"Oh, he gave lot of postage stamps a good
licking and that's as far as he got, replied
Jones'
Betcha!
We'd all have plenty of the dust,
Life would be gay bubble;
If money could be borrowed just
As easily as trouble
The Supreme Sacrifice.
And if l marry you. will you share Your all
WI dearest he cried, II would share my last
"Darling." she exclaimed. u am yours"
Help.
She Is a simple maid. gee whizi
And in secluson she has dwelt:
She thinks a smelling furnace is
thing that's used for cooking smelt'
Mean Brute!
"Mr Gsbb was telling me how much ne IS
going to enjoy his wife's trip to Florida said
II didn't know that he was going with her."
exclaimed Mrs. Naybor.
HE isn't" replied Mr.. Naybor.
Great Ideai
Why not have the Uplifters organize So
ciety for the Education of College Graduates.
Going Up!
Ella Water lives in Louisville. Ky.
Gosh!
She called on a hungry young Dr.
To find out what it was that had shr.
The NJ. ID. didn't know
But he needed the dough.
And $40 was Just what he sr.
Luke McLuke.
There was a bashful young Mr..
Who called on college chums sr
She cuddled him up,
Which so muddled him up,
That he turned suddenly and kr.
Wilmington News-Journal.
Our Joe Miller Contest.
Charley Roth claims that the Oldest joke is
the one about the Irishman and his wife VINO
were looking at picture showing a man hang
ing from rope suspended from the top OF
"My. MY" said Mrs Brogan. What would
happen to the poor if that rope broke!
''Nawthin wud happen to him" replied Mr,
Brogan. If the rope broke, he d nave slnse
enough to let go of it. wouldn't he?"
Is That So!
,aiI. hat rain nit fch h
forks to enable the farmer to make hay while
the sun shines
All i'm Favor Will Say "Aye"
How about letting Minor Reason. the l.. and
N Baggage Agent at Guthrie, KY, into the
Names Is Names Club.
How Much For the Hood?
Sign on a store in Detroit, Mich.
Automobiles Washed in The Rear-Sl.oo.
We'd Like to Nurse Her All Day.
TAD. in Middletown (Ohio) News-SignaI
WANTED-A high school girl to nurse In al
ternoon. Apply sol S. Main.
Notice.
Better have your mind made up when you
hit Paducah. Ky. Ida May Askew lives in that
town.
Firms Is Firms
schippacase & Co.. are in the commission
business in Detroit.
Police!
He's been drinking again."
Said Uncle Jim Pole:
For he told me last night
He'd seen a bank roll"
Mr.. Boggs
Our Daily Special.
The Road To Success Is Lined With Toll
Gates.
Luke McLuke Says
The woman who has to water TWO gold nsh
and launder a poodle knows that the woman
who has nothing but four children to look after
doesn't know what Maternal Cares are.
There will always be battles as long as nus
bands and wives try to do the thinking for each
other.
Once in a while you will meet a stubborn cuss
who Is so far behind the times that he ought to
be stuffed and sent to museum.
Anyway a woman would rather admit that
she is Strong Minded than admit that she Is
Wrong Minded.