davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
HUMANlSMS \
William Athert0n Du Puy-

The amicabIe relations which always existed
between woodrow Wilson. as President and that
Qulzzical gentleman who presided the SEN
ate and who would have succeeded him in
emergency. were well illustrated by an incident
which occurred just before the recent Admins
tration drew to a close.
The gentleman from Indiana sent his Chief a
book and on the fly leaf he wrote the following
inscription:
From your only Vice. Thomas r. Marshall"
A genial. smiling. active man is W. w. Hus-
band. the new commissioner of immigration. He
ran tiny paper in Vermont town. twenty
years ago, and when Senator Dillingham; came to
Washington he was asked to take a place
secretary Of the committee immigration.
That was in 1903. In 1907 he became secretary
of the commission provided by Congress which
made a four-year study of immigration and wrote
a voluminous report. When the Democrats came
he was apparently, fired from a good job in the
bureau. AS matter of fact, he was sent to Eu-
rope to study immigration from the Slavic states,
a much better assignment than he had had be-
fore, but less in the view of the patronage hunt
So Commissioner Husband claims personal ac-
quaintance with all the Giuseppes Jams and
Jacobs that are looking longingly over the fence
into the realm Of Uncle Sam.
Senator Ralph H. Cameron has Just come to
Washington from Arizona and is giving a demon
stration OF how a rough and d-ready Westerner
can make friends.
1 talked to him in those marble halls where
Senators have their offices and told him OF the
time when I. a lad just out of high school down
in Phoenix, made a trip to the Grand Canyon with
four other boys, driving four horses to a spring
wagon. 1t 700 miles in all, which is quitv
some distance to cover in this way
We the big mesa that makes up the
approach to the canyon, a highland where clear
cut little clouds have a way of lying in the road
ahead Of you. You drive into them and out again
into the sunshine. One of our horses went lame.
We ran to ranch house ard corral deserted
except at roundup time. The gate to the corral
was open and 1t just happened that a bunch OF
range horses were nibbling about inside. One OF
these horses had collar mark on its neck OBJ
serving this we sons of the West closed the gate,
threw rope on this horse which was evidently
broken to work, hitched IL to wagon, turned
our lame horse loose, thus effecting an informal
horse trade somewhat warranted by the cir
cumstances.
aust where was this ranch located?" Senator
Cameron asked me.
I described 1t to the best of my ability
"You scoundrel," said the Senator, "that was
nv horse you stole"
copyright, 1921, by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
"No BRAINS DICTIONARY

EvOLUTlON-A clever trick per-
formed by one Darwin, who made .
monkey of Adam.
EXPLOSION-A good chance to BE-
gin at the bottom and work up.
FACE-A fertile, open expanse iy-
ing midway between the collar button
and scalp, and full of cheek, chin. and
chatter. The crop of the male face 10
hair harvested daily by a lather, or
allowed TO run to mutton chops, spin
ach or full lace curtains. Tho female
face product Is powder, whence the
expressi on. shoot on your face" Each
is supplied with lamps, snunfers and
bread boxes.
FAME-Hsving a brand of cigars
named after you.
FIRMNESS-That admirable quality
IN ourselves that is detestable stub
bornness in others.
FIG-Nothing. tNote-'T don't care
hg," etc.)
rio LEAF-A small outer garment
next to nothing, worn by Adam 1000
r. c. and occasionally revived by the
Bostonian Art Committees.
FLY-A familiar summer boarder,
who mingles with the cream OF society,
gets stuck on the butter and leaves
his specks behind.
FOoT-Understandin of a girl from
the West. KATIE COOK.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
YOU'RE A BRICK.

EAMON o SUILLEABHAIN
gives an interesting history of the
expression, you're brick" 1t dates
before Plutarch's days, to the times
Of the famous Spartans. Since then
He's a brick" is applied to man
who is loyal. brave and true. Plu-
tarch, says +. s., tells this story:
An ambassador from Epirus was
shown by the King of Greece over his
capital. This ambassador knew of the
fame of the King. who, although nomi-
nally only King of Sparta, was really
the ruler of Greece as we'll. So the
visitor looked for great fortihcations.
He saw none. and asked the King why
was this thus
The King replied: "Indeed. Sir
Ambassador, you cannot have looked
carefully. Come tomorrow and I will
show you the walls of sparta"
The next day the King led the am
bsssador out on the plains where his
army was on parade. Plucking the
ambassadors sleeve he said: There.
thou behold the walls OF Spsrts-io,ooo
men. and every man brick"
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
ROssELL,s CRYPTOGRAM.

The mysterious cryptogram OF H. B.
ROSSELL was hoped on by the wise
guys OF II and S and solved. They
find that the words contained in the
cryptogram are; "Mr. Bill. Price is
the Editor of Heard and Seen"
This was really a very interesting
puzzle, requiring a mastery OF the
knowledge OF keys.
"UPPEN ATTEM' says he has n
friend who Is a wizard IN cryptog-
raphy who will soon submit cryp-
togram "that will make the fans sit
up and take notice"
Those who deciphered Rosselfs
mystery were the wizard referred to,
MAURICE de CIPHER LACfE. who
wishes he could pick winners at Bowie
as easy as DECIDING cryptograms; l..
wEIMER, NORMA j., BRIDGE
PORT" A. b. c., Mr.. EDDIE d. F,
A., and r. BAGLEY X.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
We Que This Debt of Honor,
So, Citizens, Let's Pay IT.!

our brave lads, why, it is up to us
folks who did NOT clamor for war,
who were NOT shoddy, imitation
"patriots," who did NOT advertise
ourselves on the streets and in pub
lie places, TO TAKE CARE OF
THESE LADS.
It's up to US to make good the
pledges which neither these shoddy,
imitation patriots nor our Govern
ment itself has kept.
It's up to US plain, everyday,
sensible Americans, who were
ashamed of the antics of these
imitation shoddy "patriots to
go down in our pockets, to
hold meetings, to organize re-
lief, and to make our servants
in Washington understand that
it is OUR money which fills the
public treasury and that we mean
to have enough of that money of
ours to spend upon our dear lads
to keep them comfortable as long
as they live.
We OWE them that much.
And we mean that the debt shall
be paid-paid in full, one hundred
cents on the dollar, principal and
interest, and then some!
Why, what are dollars to health
and life and limb?
These lads counted mo price too
great for them to pay for us, who
are their people, and for the RE-
PUBLIC, which is our motherlana.
They were not dickering mer-
chants of their young blood, not
niggards of life, of limb, of all that is
dear to youth.
They poured their all freely upon
the affairs of war, and crowned those
affairs with the bright flame of
splendid victory.
And are they now to be dickered
with, to be bought off cheaply, to be
driven from the doors of the public
treasury as though they were i'm
Fortunate beggars!
Not while these newspapers have
words in which to plead their cause!
Not while these newspapers can
speak to the nation and rouse its
true manhood and it's true woman
hood!
Not while Americans are Ameri-
cans!
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
THE BILLBOARD.

As I was walking down the street
A billboard met my eye.
Things were on that billboard
That would make you laugh and cry.
The wind and rain had come that nigh
And washed that billboard away.
Things were on that billboard
Would make that billboard say:
Come smoke a coca cola,
Drink catsup cigsretts;
See Lillian Russell wrestle,
with a bottle of casteretts.
Pork and Beans will meet tonight
In a final fight;
Chauncey Pew will lecture
on Sapolio tonight.
Bay Rum Is good for Horses.
The best there Is In Town,
Cheese will cure the measles
II you pay ten dosfers down.
Teeth extracted without pain,
Cost a half a dime;
Oyercoats are selling
A little out Of time"
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
Many a fine gallant who is
much admired by women for his
supposed chivalry doesn't give a
darn for his humble fellow man.
PHILIP EBERT.
THE ANAGRAMS.

Answering the Shakespearean ana
grams, AUNT GRACE" and others
find that the characters were Cleo
patra, Rosalind, Julius Caesar, CAL
purnia. Petruchio, and the plays "The
Winters Tale" Measure for Meas
ure," The Merchant of Venice" "Troi-
lus and Cressida," and "As You Like
It."
Fans found the answers to the dou-
BILE anagrams of "CHAPPIE," in spite
of two typographical errors, to have
been:
New York-Cabarets
Washington-Bootle
Boston-Beans.
Chicago-Crooked ball team.
Pittsburgh-Dirty neck.
Answers from II SMITH, BILLY W..
NJ Is. w, and LEO KASEHAGEN III.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
THE MEAN OLD GOAT.

l send my contributions
To old Bill Price, ye Ed,
Yet while I sit and write EN-
On slippery ground I tread
With pen In hand scribble,
Ny efforts seem in vain,
Each night I scatter ink about
And rack my weary brain.
A pome," a joke. some foolishnSsA
j send 'em all to him;
1 read the dear old column
Until my eyes grow dim.
i wax enthusiastic
When l sign my nom de plums,-
Then find out to my sorrow
There wasn't any room.
1 fear the new assistant
MY hopes grow more remote
1 think that all my efforts
Just feed the Office goati
So with bated breath 1 murmur
To all a little suggestion
Won't someone send in something
To give him indigestion
Fnrrz1E
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
Stars and Stripes

greater it grows
Self-pity is homemade salve that keeps
our wounds open.
Danger flees before courage and runs
straight into the arms of fear.
Concet blocks a mans road to improve
ment by allowing him no other model than
himself.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14

Because DR.. EINSTEIN did
not bring an Oriental ballet and
a jazz band with him to New
York that city doesn't seem i'm
pressed with his theories. The
people there are more interested
in the Stilfman divorce suit than
in the "Reiativity of Space"
They like newspaper space on
divorce cases. PATHE.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
DOGS AND MEN.

When 4 man is going to the dogs
he's getting beyond hope. But
when a dog goes to a man and
forms an attachment for him that
mah is still in the running.
FRED VETTER.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
1870. by star Company.

Notice the tranquil look on the face of the hare
The hare has been dreaming the idyllc dream of
warless future when all mankind, governed under
the League of Nations shall dwell in amity, justice
and perfect trust
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
II that Carpentier-Dempsey
fight is pulled Off in New Jersey
I'm betting that the Jersey mos
quito will draw first blood.
JULES Il.
A LITTLE MATH PROBLEM.

The squares OF 1. 5 and differ by
"a u-25-29) What three figures
differ in their squares by 3?
FRED HAFELFINGRR.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
Mr.. B. Baer
SPEAkING OFF APPETITEs.


New York porcelain pol
Usher hangs up new record
for glutts TO snap at. In In
spired foray of dainty cpl
cureanism, he scoffed eleven
official pounds of oily beef
steak. Bones and all. That
cuckoo would be nice bird to
share your last meal with.
Give him first bite. There
wouldn't be enough left to
load an ants knapsack. Dis
contented with partial hum
ger strike, he also ordered
dozen mutton chops. For
dessert he threw twelve
sheep steaks in. One by one.
Tearing chops, limb from
lamb, he removed napkin
from around neck. Afraid
waiter would think it was
flag OF truce
Then recited Commands
Iavictus. My head is fatty
but unbowed. Exhibition
OF astronomical courage
deserves special citation.
Gets Croix de Grease with
three plums. Impossible to
pipe how man can get mai
enough at twelve lamb chops
to eat 'em.
Made unofficial misstate-
ment after feathery lunch.
Said he did IL to show his
contempt for starving Chi
nese.
Nice boy to have around
house. No dishes to wash.
Eats everything on plate.
Then turns plate over. Eats
everything on that side.
Chews grease spots out of
tablecloth. Licks his an
gers. Then tries to put
tongue in own ear for stray
morsels.
Only weighs 420 pounds.
Between meals.
Hunts elephants with
knife. Also fork. They roll
or his spoon. Has special
calendar without any Tues
days on 1t. During war one
Of them was meatless.
Runs walters hourly. Eats
twelve meals. Tips 'em for
one. Always noticed that
gent who SCOTS twice as
much as other men always
tips waiter half as much as
other guys. What's known
as Einsteln's theory of rela-
tivity. Meal Is square. Dime
is round. Swivel chair re-
wolves on axis. Let's go cut
to lunch.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
TAXING 1T SERIOUSLY.
Registered Y. q Pa
K. C.. B.

Income tax returns show a big Increase over
the figures that the Government expected; so 1t
must be assumed that some of the prohteers
unable to find any safe means of escape.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
VYYE went to war in 1872 on a
" point of honor.
W That coof q lof of poonay 90


We went to war with Mexico on a
point of honor.
That cost lot of money-and it
was money well spent:
We went to war with Spain on a
point of honor.
That cost lot of money-and it
was money well spent.
We went to war in 1917 on points
OF honor and humanity.
That cost staggering amount of
money.
The people contributed the money
which was spent in this war with
both hands. They didn't stop to
count it. They simply threw it into
the public treasury. And the gentle
men in charge of the money found
no trouble in spending it.
Indeed, they seemed to enjoy
shoveling it out as fast as it poured
In.
That's split milk. Very good. Let
it go at that.
But what about the money that is
still flowing into the public treasury
There are literally billions of it.
Four thousand millions is the
Treasury s estimate of what it wants
this coming year.
How much of that is being spent
for the most sacred DEBT OF
HONOR and gratitude that any
people can owei
How much is to be spent for the
support and the comfort of our dis
abled soldiersi
What is being done for these men,
who staked their lives and lost their
limbs, their health, the bright pro-
spects of their youth, their power
to earn even their living!
How about that point of honori
If we could fight three wars on
points of honor, why can't we keep
one peace on a greater point of
honor?
What are we doing for these sick
and disabled lads'
Why, THEY are turned down as
if they were beggars, nuisances,
pests.
Were so glad to sell some tickets
for the Buddies' Ball because so many
people say they are tired of hearing about
disabled soldiers"
That's what the girls selling
flowers for our brave lads benefit
in one of New York's fashionable
hotels said the other day.
Just think of that!
Tired of hearing about disabled
soldiers!
They were not tired of hearing
about our disabled soldiers when
they and their gallantry and their
great deeds in arms were topics of
fashionable talk.
1t was so thrilling to put on uni
form, to wear a Red Cross, to pose
as 100 per cent patriot, to have
ones face in the papers and be
''war worker" over the teacups and
among the lounge lizards.
Why, soldiers were the real fash
ion then.
Everybody had to have a pet
soldier and sailor-very much to the
disgust of the real soldier man
even though he did endure the Sob
sisters and snivel-gents.
But now-now that so many of
these brave lads have come back
from that hell of war, now that they
limp on crutches, now that their poor
lungs gasp for air, now that empty
sleeves are hanging by their sides,
now that they are mere common men
again, and that they wait for the ma
ton to redeem its pledge and keep
its honor bright and do its duty by
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
WHAT is IT7

TITS true ] have both face and hands
And move before your eye;
But when I move my body standA
SAYS wHrcN.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
TRUsT uIN TO SEE TT.

Mr. Wilson has permitted IL TO be understood
that he doesn't intend to write book in reply
to Mr. Lansing, but Mr.. Creel will probably con-
slider the opening too good TO he missed.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14

This is a helpful hint. no mat
ter who originated 1t:
Don't get in rut. The only
difference between a groove and
grave is matter of dimen-
IONS" ANNA COSTA.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
She thinks of dropping Latin,
And all her friends concur,
For knowing her they quite agree
One tongues enough for her.
BOX CAR HARRY.

None of your lip" does not
apply to a pretty woman. There
is a pressing demand for that
kind of lip. FRED VETTER.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14

Don't for a minute think you
are a good penrisr because some
cute little "golt-digger" admires
the handwriting on your check.
CHEERUPADIST.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14
1FARl, ,n5EElf!S@,
HER CLASSY FORM.

HER CLASSY FORM.
Mary had some classy form
In fact Il was 'out of sight"
She hid II In the closet
when she took II on at night.
Alas. IL In q sad, sad tale
Tho loss she deeply mourned,
Some doggone burglar copped the roods,
Now Mary 10 deformed.
SHORTY.
The Washington times., 1921-04-14

Made unofficial misstate-
ment after feathery lunch.
Said he did IL to show his
contempt for starving Chi
nese.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
Thriller For Movies

Helping the ordinary tramp is not
likely to develop into a case of en-
terta.nng an angel unawares But
occasionally there is a surprising re-
suit Eleven years ago tramp
called at the back door OF Chicago
home, and the kind.hearted lady OF
the house gave him his breakfast
fifty cents in money and drink of
whiskey to brace him up physically
Yesterday the lady received $500
which had been bequeathed to her
in a VIII made by the former tramp
It appears he had once been a well
TODD banker in New York town
but met with misfortune and took tc
the road Later he inherited an es
tate from his brother, and after the
ex-tramp died it was found he had
left will in which he had remem
bered his Chicago benefactress, The
story, properly worked up might
make movie" thr.ller.-Troy
Times.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
Do YOU KNOW

That the birthstones for June IRE
the pearl moonstone?
That the upper Yosemite falls Is
G,j25 feet above sea level?
That the first Atlantic cable message
was sent on August 4, 1857?
That there are eight Indian reseya-
tlons in the state Of New York?
That the average luctuation of tenn
perature in Cuba is u degrees?
That in 1917 $lSG,374,905 was in
vested in the wood pulp industry in
Canadal
That in 1920 there were in operation
790421 automobiles in the United
States1
That the talent Of Biblical measure
ment was equal to 125 pounds Troy
weight?
That one cubic foot Of water weighs
G2.5 pounds and that it is 74S0J2 U. S.
gallons!
That the British imperial bushel IS
about three per cent larger than the
United States bushel?
That the name Vermont was taken
from two French words, Verd and
( Mont meaning green mountain?
That there were 2431 men mentally
deficient in 100000 men examined
under the selectlye draft system?
That the flower Of the state Of In
diana is the carnation and was chosen
( by an act Of the legislature?
That from army statistics there
! were 2SG drug addicts IN 100000 men
examined under the selectiye draft sys-
tenn!
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
THURSDAY, JUNE is, 1921
A Gingerized City

The Herald of North Adams, Mass,
has been campaigning these many
years for new police station for that
town. But an alleged foolish city
council, holding the public purse, has
always blocked that program. SO the
Herald, wearying of the long and
hopeless struggle, now offers to com
promise and will take, in lien of a
new police headquarters, patrol
wagon. This would appeal to most
people as being an eminently fair
proposition, but not so with the city
dads Of North Adams. They are Of
fering further compromise, namely,
they will consider a suggestion to
equip the police department with a
motorcycle In its last issue the Her.
aid very properly rejected the motor
cycle plan and in doing so eyinced
marked impatience mingled with a
bit of scorn The controversy grows
in warmth as it progresses and in the
meanwhile North Adams DRINKS arc
being conveyed to the lookup via the
good old-tashioned wheelbarroN
route. All this makes legitimate tre
query: Who put the pep into Nortl
I Adams, anyway?
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
A FEW EPlGRAMS
Man tries to live mp to his ideals,
woman to her photograph.

A., 49, ., H. ~, ~ ~, y1ools
,.a,aan - hor ,ho,o-ra,h
'''' "
An oos, ,.ors or, do,,hiu W,
r,l,.
~ ,.o,,oo aoosr,+ ,rov. r,hot
,n-',,lo = ,iu eha a.. r,ar,soJ ,,o ,,nn
- ,,an ,,,,t.,
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
ROsEBuGs ON RAMPAGE
Pets Appear in Unusual Numbers i
Some Sections of Vermont.

Pets appear IN O0NSudt iNuIfICIS w
Some Sections Of Vermont
The appearance in many parts Of
the state of unusual numbers of rose
chaters or rose bugs is reported by
H. l. Bailey, in Charge OF Insect Sup
preston, under Commissioner Of AZ
riculture, y. s. Brigham
These insects, light brown sprawl
ing BEETLES. about one third inch long,
have Just emerged from the pupa
stage n the ground and are beginning
to attack the foliage The feeding
period will probably extend through
the first week OF July. Grape vines
rose bushes, young apple and other
fruit trees elm and many other trees
and shrubs as Well as garden plants
may be completely riddled where the
rose chafer is abundant They are
poisonous to poultry, if eaten in con-
siderable quantity, Is to 20 OF the iu-
sects having been found sufficient 20
Kill a week old ch cken
Liberal and repeated applications
Of arsenate of lead spray preferably
combined with Bordeaux mixture, Of
fers the most practical method of con-
troll. aside from hand picking Two
to three pounds dry arsenate of lead
should be used to fifty gallons OF wat
err or BordeauX Wherever the in'
sects are found to be plentiful spray
ing should be commenced at once.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16

rar;ment for the Rutland News is us
ing his big stick on the men. He is
digging up the STYLES in vogue for
men in the distant past going way
back to the year 1900 when fastidicus
Englishmen, he says, were accEs.
toned to starch their Boards And
previous even to that time, quoting
aeain the News authority, a law was
passed in England forbidding the
cades Of that day to wear shoes wider
than six inches at the toes. But what
do you suppose really happened
then? Why. the male fashion plates
went to the opposite extreme and
wore shoes with points, the points
being so long that they had to be
tied to the knees. Girls, what dc
you think Of that?
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
STRANGE, BUT TRUE

The left leg is longer than the
right,
The right hand is bigger than the
left land.
7 left foot is a tHne larger than
the Sht
-Four per cent Of children are left
handed at birth
Both eyes are never exactly alike
aud neither are the eyebrows,
One shoulder Of most persons is a
bit larger than the other.
The nails Of the right hand grow
more rapidly than those Of the loft.
The right arm is heavier and Of
greater circumference than the LETT
arm.
Noses Of left.honded people point in
a different direction than those Of
right-handed persons.
One side Of a persons face IS bet
ter looking than the other and eX-
perts agree there is no exception to
this rule.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1921-06-16
ALL HIS AILMENTS
DISAPPEARED
When He Tried "Fruit-a-tiyeS
or Fruit Liver Tablets
MOUNT BEIKNAp HorEL.


LAKEPoRT, NH.
cat 70 years of age, chronic Constip.
alton was causing me TO suffer with
distressing Headaches, Dizziness and
Indigestion.
believe l have taken more medi-
cine than any half-dozen people in
town; but nothing did nc good until |
tried Fuit-a tees.
Right away could see their good
effects. After taking them for three
months, my bowels weTo regular,
and the other ailments diSappeared".
FRANK A, HALE.
soc. box, 6 for 80, trial size 25c.
AT dealers or from FRUIT-A.TINES
Limited, OGDENSBURG, Ny