Evening star., 1921-04-10
By Sewell Ford

| Heads. Ell? Well. you lose. My first
shot. Get that rolling golf ambulance
| of yours off the tee"
| make a pretty fair drive. Anyway, he
| whacked it over the bunker thing and
quite distance down the middle.
There's something for you to shoot
at. Ellins," he grunts.
Pretty fair for you" says Old
Hickory. Nice, ladylike little tap.
Now. Torchy. All ready? Anything to
i offer?"
Sure" says /.
This was my cue to wheel the BIZ
cycle close up behind the tee, take
| the waterproof cover off the talkin'
! machine that's fastened to the handle
bars. and turn on the record. And
| then, as Old Hickory takes his stance.
| accent and all, starts reelin' OF this
little piece:
! Now slow on the backswing. mon.
Right knee stiff. Up on yer left toe.
br-r-reak yer wr-r-rists at the top.
| Left heel down as We come through.
Throw the club head out from ye.
Whip it into the ball. Hit it.''
And say, hanged if Old Hickory
| don't spank the pill. There's a sharp.
clean crack and the ball goes sailin'
down the course way beyond Dowd's
drive. But you should have heard the
howl put up by the Hon. Matt.
What internal tomfoolery is thiso"
he demands. II say. now, you know
you can't spring thing like that on
me. l recognized that voice. It's Neil
Ross. And you can't take professional
advice while you're playing a match"
"Torchy." says Old Hickory stern,
did you put on that record?"
Yes. sir" says 1.
And did you wind up the machine
yourself" he asks.
/ admits that i did.
We'll. there you are. Matt" says
for this match"
"But-but see here" protests ,Dowd,
how often do you mean to work
that?"
"As often as I need advice from my
caddie," says Old Hickory. '-whichwil
probably be on every shot"
But confound it," says Dowd. do
a combination OF that kind? Might
as well have a full brass band fol-
lowing you around"
Bah" says Old Hickory. You may
send back for your precious book, if
you like Besides. IL you have sense
enough you can get just as much
benefit from Torchys machine as l
can"
But that isn't the way to swing at
dil says CoWu- Hidho CHois
altogether different
More fool you," says Old Hickory.
Come along. Get out your brassie
and see if you can reach the green. /
mean to put mine on with a mashie.
WELL. that's the way it-went. over
near four miles Of plush cut
Sairw7ays-the Hon. Matt growing
and arguing. and Old Hickory havin'
me turn on that record every time he
had a shot to make, except the short
ones on the putin green's. Course.
he missed some. in spite of the canned
advice. And after the Hon. Matt got
used to the novelty of. the thing he
didn't do SO bad himself. He had his
fightin' blood up. for one thing, and
he was playin' the game of his life.
But Old Hickory was shootin' 'em
better than he knew how.
AS you can imagine. me and the
bicycle and the talkin' machine At
tracred more or less attention. From
all parts of the course players left
their matches to come over and see
what it was all about. A bunch of
stray caddies collected. too. and be-
fore we'd gone more'n three holes we
had as big gallery followin' us as
championship. Dowd found some of
the rules committee in the crowd
and put in a vigorous protest to
them. but they decided against him.
There, you old tin-horn"' says
Mr. Ellins Didn't tell you? Come
along. You're six down and nine
to CO."
AS for me. I was fndin' this the
most interestin' game I'd ever
watched. Why not, at fifty a throw?
L got to spillin' advice that wasn't
on the record.
See. he's had two whacks over
there in the tall grass" I'd tell Old
Hickory. so why risk gettin' in bad
yourself with that brassie. Can't you
boost the ball onto the green with a
couple of short irons?"
And he would. Yet along toward
the last Dowd made a great rally, so
he finished eight down. But at
that he seemed to think he'd been
disgraced for life and he put up an
awful wall before he could be in
duced to write out that check. The
Hon. Matt never does loosen up on
real money very easy, but this came
like pulling a back tooth.
I'll get square with you for this.
you old pirate" say ne, "if I have
to hire two private secretaries to help
me out"
"All right. Matt" says Old Hick-
ory. But let me tell you this: One
with red hair is worth dozen Of the
ordinary kind. Eth, Torchy?"
And being so modest, I only