New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1921-07-24
CA REFUL
KISSIMMEE
By Jack Binns

H.
A.s.,re first needing some serious advice We
A. not mean advice tending to restrain impet-
sous strangers, with osculatory predictions,
srona carrying out the apparent invitation CON
s.,ned in the towns unique name upon any of
90 native daughters, because we feel such ad-
,.cs would be supertiuous so far as aeronauts
are concerned.
No! The warning we have in mind is far
,sss aippant- 1t is just as important to you
ss & the advice. concerning the necessary high
don that you would seek from the initiated be-
sore entering an emporium Of liquid delight
which is as internationally Volsteadian in it's
s,ruples as the fiuctuating dictates of police
activity demand
You see Kissimmee Is a progressive and
snsrpetic township and it enacted air laws
sefore any other community in thecountry had
II ewes above the ground. 1t is because of
these laws that we think it necessary to warn
cor before you fly to the Floridian township,
wtose inviting name is but snare and de-
luSon.
K however, you are still intent upon going
10 kissimmee, whatever else you may do there,
he careful not to run your airplane into any
strav telegraph or telephne poles within its
4hf townships law. Moreover, you might be
baad before the local justice of the peace
su7 be separated from $500. Besidesathis you
we1ld face the possibility of spendinginot more
thsn ninety days in 1.-The town calaboose'-
am take it from those who know the ultimate
sv1nble of that dread place is not nadsspelled.
Whether the citizens of Kissimmee are ha-
bslally cup in the air" or not we can't say,
bu apparently the dread Of collision is ever
before them because they insist that your
aiship must be properly equipped with bells,
Whistles or horns" Therefore it is necessary
10, you to blow your horn before you turn
corner in the air over Kissmmee. Not only
that, but you must also apply your brakes
whenever the traffic cop halls you. Whether
Won have got to stop your airplane at street
intersections and wait for crosstown traffic
go by is not stated.
Here is another little tip for you if you
arr still intent upon going to delightful
Kissimmee. II your airplane is capable of
rushing through the air at the terrific speed
of eight miles an hour you not permitted
10 travel any lower than ten feet above tho
graund. That is an important point you
should write down on piece of paper and
paste in your helmet.
The worthy citizens of Kissimmee are ap
orently much averse to Eighty persons. AT
least they discriminate against them IN most
fnghtful manner in the matter of taxes. II
YOU are thinking of buying one of those giant
British dirigible airshps that can fly across
the Atlantic. the city fathers of Kissinmee
will permit you to fly it over their fair domain
upon the payment Of a paltry tax Of $50, but
wee betide you if you try to fly over their
city with wings fastened to your arms. That
would cost you exactly $500 in taxes. Fer
hsps burial plots come high there.
Those CITY fathers are clever. They get
you any way. Just you think you are
ecing to fool them by flying over their city
in a regular airplane you find yourself up
against this condition: You are not permit
red to fy in any kind Of craft unless you
carry artificial wings and "other safety ap-
paratus" It's those artificial wings that get
the two hundred berries every tlme' no maj
Ter what you do.
And by the way, we almost forgot thlS.
YOU are taking a party down to Florida IN
vcnr airplane do not fail to remember that if
you carry more than one thousand persons
IN it as passengers it will cost you another
$500 in taxes. The worthy city fathers OF
Nssimmee leave nothing to Wallingford
Far be it from us TO suggest that there IS
anything in a towns name. Take the town OF
NItley, n. J.-and are not concerned win
arg ultimate syllable nova parachute descent
there will cost you just $50. If you go into the
ar over Nutley you've got to stay there-at
least until you've passed Nutley. We men
ton this in passing, because we've never met
any one who desired to descend upon Nutley
L there are any persons inflicted with such
recollection it is only fair to slip them the IN
formation that every subsequent descent Will
obtain for them a thirty days rest at the COM
piete and absolute expense of the town.
Such are some of the woes that beset those
WHO go up into the air in ships But it re-
manned for Uncle Sam to pull the prize joke of
all and he did it in the land of the ukelele
Any one can fly an airplane in Hawaii, that Is
absolutely permissible under the law, but ne
mist first get Federal pilots license In
fortunately, the United States government has
not yet decided what color licenses ought to be
ard until Congress has appointed a special
cQmmittee to investigate this important ques-
tim there are no licenses being issued This
fact SO tickled the city commissioners OF New
atk, N. j., that they promptly enacted SINH
lar rer1irerno,,+ i, fbo laws they de-