The Birmingham age-herald., 1921-10-02
Fly JAMES J. MONTAGUE

Uy JA MES J. MONIAGtE
 The family had gathered for Sun day morning breakfast Fred. the son. was telling of a wonderful girl he had seen at the country club the night before.
 Wasn't She some Jane?" he asked his Flapper sister.
 . If she was the one you were danc- ing with most of the evening l don't think l would get up in the middle of the night and write poetry about her" said the Flapper with sarcasm. She danced like trick duck"
 q want to declare myself right now" broke in the father. That you children have got to learn to speak the English language. l never heard so much slang in all my life Here I have spent thousands of dollars on the education of the pair of you and your talk is mixture of thieves argot, baseball and comic supplement"
 Right you are. father. dear, agreed the F'lapper. T never heard anyone so consistently commit as sault and battery on the mother tongue as Fred, He ought to woo a grammar for every time he opens his trap he makes the dictionary flap it's leaves like a robin pulling a WOI III out oi thS bi ooHo'
 Listen to her" exclaimed the boy indignantly. Wouldn't she jar your preserves"
 "I tell you it's got to stop stormed the father, putting his hands over his ears. q declare myself right now that l am going to take 25 cents off your allowance every time I hear you use slang, I guess ! that will hold you for while"
 'Is hold you for a while slang father?" ked the Flapper gently Without waiting for him to answer she continued: "Pops, old dear, believe you could go to that finish ing school to which you sent me and get your money back"
 When l came out of there fin ished I found I had really only be- gun.
 They taught me dances that have not been danced since Susan B. An thony was the only woman who be- lieved in suffrage and Dr. Mary Walker the only woman who wore pants"
 They taught me mid-victorian English when every one in the coun- try was speaking United States"
 They gave me Latin. Greek French and Italian when they should have been teaching me to. speak golf baseball, prize ring and bridge. for each of these popular sports has a language of it's own and before one can play golf, bridge. baseball or fight one must know how to under stand what a foozle. finesse, balk and an uppercut are. It Is not enough to play it, one must speak it
 They taught me interpretive dancing on the greensward in a pink tulle nightie and bare feet, only to have me go out in the world and find l had to do a toodle in tight high heeled slippers and bare bacl;
 They taught me how to brew tea and balance a tea cup, a cake plate and couple of spoons on my knee when they should have taught me s couple of home brew recipes anG how to keep off the knees of other people who think I am an infant in arms.
 .'They taught me how to pla, Maiden's Prayer and Chop Sticks or the piano when they should have taught me ragtime and how tt handle pair of chop sticks in ( Chink restaurant.
 "They taught me to courtesy wher I came into room or was given z knock down to a stranger and wher I came out into the big world read, to duck and bow I found 1t was only done by parlor maids In countr, house moving pictures.
 If. Instead of giving me lessons on a harp. they had taught me ts play snare drums and bells or saxa l phone In jazz orchestra they woulc have. given me an. accomplishment could have used to benefit my socia standing.
 They gave me delsarte and cal