davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered q. q Pate.t ofAeA
BY K. c. B.,

Dear X. C. B.: For the benefit Of the "Old
Lady" whose wise and witty letter was quoted
in your column Of March 3-the dear old lady
who "could not make her heart grow DID,
and for the benefit, too, of all old ladies,
wish you would make room for the following
from Meredith Nicholson's "Rosalind at Red
Gate" page 1874:
should like to be poet long enough to
write "A Balade to All Old Ladies' or a lyric
in their honor, turned with the grace of Colo
mel Lovelace and blthe with the spirit of
Friar Herrick. should like to inform it with
their beautiful, tender sympathy, that is quick
with tears, but reader with strength to help
and to save; and it should reflect, too, the
noble patience undismayed by time and dis
tance that makes a virtue Of wating-wait-
ing in the long twilight, with folded hands,
for ships that never come. Men, old and bat
tlescarred, are celebrated in song and story,
but who are they to be preferred over this
serene sisterhood? Let the worn mothers of
the world be throned by the fresde or placed
at comfortable ease in the shadow of the
hollyhocks and old-fashioned roses in familiar
gardens. it matters little, for they are su-
preme in any company.
"Whoever would be gracious must serve
them; whoever would be wise must sit at
their feet and take counsel. Nor believe too
readily that the increasing tide of years has
quenched the fire in their souls-rather it
burns on with the steady flame of sanctuary
lights. Lucky were he who could imprison in
song those qualities that crown a woman's
years-voicing what is in the hearts of all Of
us as we watch those gracious angels going
their quiet ways, tending their secret affairs
Of memory. with flowers and blessing them
with tears"
1 thank you, too. G. L. WILEY.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
HUMANIsMs \
William Atherton Du Puy-

It away back in the early nineties that
Herbert Hoover first demonstrated his ability to
separate multimillionares from their money
a capacity which of late has meant all the dlf-
ference between life and death to hundreds of
thousands OF starving children
Andrew Carnegie was Hoovers nrst victim.
Tho incident happened back in the early nineties
when the Secretary of Commerce was a student
at Stanford University and held some such posi-
tion financial secretary to the athletic asso-
citation. Anyway, on field days. it was his busi
ness to look after the gate receipts
But at that early day there were gates.
The best the money getters could do to
station themselves at the entrances of the
bleachers and collect fees.
Andrew Carnegie came to ball game. One
Of these youngsters stopped him and demanded
a quarter. The canny Scotchman eyed him
piciously. 1t didn't look entire regular. SO
Andy hustled by without making payment and
took his seat
The youthful Hoover witnessed the incident.
He hurried to his assistant who explained the
facts. Then Hoover followed the ironmaster to
his seat, explained that it was really true that
a charge was being made for bleacher seats.
and got the money.
DR.. Wiber J. Crafts. blue law crusader. who
five years from headquarters in the very shadow
of the Capitol. in Washington explains that the
blood that flows in his veins is exactly that of
Cromwell and his associates back in Lincoln
county, England, 400 years ago. He believes
that his zeal for reform Is inherited. The origi-
nal Crafts was a friend of Cromwell and came
from Boston. England. to found q city of the
same name over here Heredity in cities has here
demonstrated itself he believes. for the new
world metropolis was like unto its parent
When George NJ. Bowers, representative in
Congress from West Virginia was United States
Commissioner OF Fisheries n decade and a half
ago, he gave lad named Joe Walsh up Cape
Cod way, Job as a laborer at the Woods Hole
fish hatchery. Walsh afterward became ex-
pert incubator of fish eggs and poured little
back into the sea as fast as the Massachusetts,
fishermen could pull the big ones out
Mr.. Bowers had been in politics all his life and
ultimate goal. The Irish boy working at the
fish hatchery had the same sort OF idea in his
head.
Fortune shuff1ed the cards that when, in
1916, the public exercised it's fundamental privi-
lege and duty, and cast it's vote, Mr. Bowers was
the Congressional ticket in West Virginia
and Mr. Walsh occupied similar position in
Massachusetts,.
But the Commissioner of Fisheries was defeat
ed and the hatchery workman was elected. Walsh
got to Congress first Soon. however, there
an unexpred vacancy to be filled in West vr-
ginia; Bowers tried 1t again, elected and
has been in Congress ever since.
Such is American politics.
Copyright 1sa1 by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
THE COLUMNS ALL RIGHT.

A full count on the ~high-brow"
and "low-brow" proposition reveals
that the fans are virtually unanimous
in their satisfaction with the G. o. c.
Lets forget II and go ahead" is
the slogan. Well do It. but we want
ed your vote first. 1t rules here.
"GOLDIE" says: Lets snap into II
and let the wit fly"
w. d. PAYNE-Away with the
high-brows. The G. o. c. Is properly
named (greatest. grandest. bestest).
From a well-known college profess
sor-I'm 20 years old and have read
all the great columnists. Fl and s 10
read and understood by thousands and
has many bright contributors It's nc
cheap column, assure You
JUST BITS--I want the q. o. C,
to stay as 1t Is.
FRED J. SCKwAB-Iet us an
strive to keep the columns standard
high and clean Let me suggest that
IL the contribs would use their real
fnames they would feel more Obliged
to fight shy of slapstick stuff. Hu-
NOR, of course, is the main thing, but
a bit Of serious wisdom and beauty
even IL occasionally a little deep, ID
necessary for an agreeable contrast.
But let's improve the column. We can
and WE WILL DO TT!
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
Stars and Stripes
Unbridled desires throw their riders

Unbridled desires throw their riders.
The tongue that drips honeyed words.
like the bee, conceals a sting.
Trouble wouldn't seem to come so fast il
people didn't go half way to meet it.
They who read only popular books dress
the mind after the fashion, without regard
to either health or gorwth-
Faults invariably do us harm, but he who
knows his own knows that which will do
him good.
A university is little knowledge, sur
rounded by walls of stone and mountains of
dignity.
When we spread cheerfulness we scatter
seed that grow IN their own warmth and
sunlight
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
THE OFFICE GOAT.

MARIE VITALI creates the
Office Goat. when. in a contrib,
she says: 'Tf IL isn't worth print
ing, feed IL to the OFFICE GOAT"
so H and has an o. G.. here
after. because most people will
prefer that unacceptable contribs
shall go to the 0. G. rather than to
the dreaded waste basket.
See the goat below. He resem-
bles an old book beer sign in spring.
but that's because he's fed up on
so many good II and contribs.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

Say, Bill, do you realize that
lots of folks have got to go to the
river for a bath till May 1? It's
too hot for the downtrodden
landlords to keep the furnaces
going. and they won't turn on
J the gas until the calendars say
May /. u. S. d.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
In Madison. Wis, MARY Clutches
has had jeremiah Clutches ar
rested for non-support." Seems
to be the first time that crutches
ever failed to support a person.
JULES BACKENHEIMER
The boss fired two young ladies'
another case Of canned" peaches.
CHEERUPADIST.
ORDER YOUR NUTS EARLY.

ORDER YOUR NUTS EARLY.
DOC RADFoRD advises that the
stocks of peanuts and other kinds
may run out if not bought early for
April 1.
EDDY DAVIS says "all the bunch"
will wear nuts tied with red ribbons.
"GOLDIBS" going to the Arcade
"nut dance"
"TONA STILL" will wear "three pea
nuts on beautiful piece OF orange
ribbon"
JUST BITS" has a cute decora-
tion ready.
LADY DONNA" says all the girls
and boys in Strayer's Business Col
lege have nuts all dressed up for the
great day.
Pill-Did you strike him for loan?
Bill--Yes. but he said I struck him
centalosa. EMORK.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

FRANC E. SHERRY. well-known
printer, confded to A. GUS KAR-
GER, well-known ink distributor,
that Washington is becoming allied
with the iron industry. owing to the
large number of NAIL factories
(manicure establishments) in the
city.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
The Pageant
of Progress

or hears about Chicago, the
wonder city of the nation.
Under the name of the Pageant
of Progress Exposition, OH the city's
great municipal pier, stretching out
into the lake for more than 5000
feet, and affording exhibition. space
ten times as great as Madison
Square Garden in New York, Chi
cago will hold an exposition, July
80 to August IA, of interest to all
business men.
Originally conceived by Mayor
Thompson as a purely Chicago en-
terprise, to stimulate business and
reduce unemployment, the exposi-
ton has been broadened into por-
trayal of the business and industrial
development Of the entire country
as the result of the interest shown
by manufacturers and business men
generally and their demands that
they be allowed to display their
wares to the hosts it will draw.
To carry out Mayor Thompson's IS
idea that the exposition should be
truly educational, David Kinley, Phi.
D., LII. D., president of the Uni
versity of Illinois, has accepted the
craftsmanship of the educational
committee. Associated with him are
the heads of many of the leading
universities and colleges of the
Middle West, and they plan to show
how science has walked hand in
hand with business, how the effioi-
ency of the great modern industrial
plants would have been an impossi-
bility without the cooperation Of
the engineers, chemists, bacteriolo-
gists and other scientists working in
the laboratories of the universities
and technical schools.
How the world is supplied daily
with food will be shown by exhibits
representing the progress from the
village butcher to the great modern
packing plants; the graphic illustra-
ton Of the agricultural development
from the sickle and cradle to the
tractor and gang-plow; and an ex-
empliication of the modern methods
of distributing the grain products
of the nation to the world.
The Health and Sanitation Expo
, sition will demonstrate the benefits
bof good health to the individual and
to society as whole. Statistics
show that the wage earners of
country lose on an average of seven
teen days year on account of poor
Health and sickness. Certainly labor
/ and employers of labor will be in
tensely interested in an exhibition
of ways and means to promote per-
sonal efficiency. :,
An exhibit Of the public utility
companies will show how gas, elec-
tricity, water heat from central
plants and other commodities have
replaced the tallow candle, the back
yard wood pile and the old oaken
bucket
Petroleum production will be de-
picted from the time the we'll is
driven until the refined gasoline is
poured into the tanks of the auto
mobile, the aeroplane, and the farm
tractor. A miniature oil well in full
operation will be feature.
The naval militia of the Great
Lakes will be assembled here during
the pageant for its annual summer
maneuvers, and great naval pag-
cant showing how modern navies
operate will be presented daily.
An Indian village will bring to-
gether thousand of America s first
inhabitants. Aeroplanes will give
80
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

Can any bug or nut or sap.
Or looney chick or dippy chap.
Tell me where's the isle of Zap
That Lloyd George handed to the
jap?
No sleep for me. not cen a nap.
Until find IT on the map.
M. w. p.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
Why Glass Is Brittle.

The brittleness of glass Is due to the quick
cooling OF the hot substance 1t Is known that
constant motion tends to rearrange the molecules
in any substance, and similar effect is observed
when glass is boiled In solution Of salt and
water.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
Fourteen Points
OF HumanitY
IT is always helpful to get our gen.

better order. Emerson said the
art of life is generalizing. 1t GER
tainly is the secret of education.
When the war came, the War De-
partment found itself required to do
an intensive job of educating sud-
denly four million men sufficiently
to make them practical Americans.
The department did rather well, con-
sidering. A little pamphlet, written
by Professors Hamilton and Knight,
of the University of North Carolina,
for the army's educational work,
tells us what was done, and what
was aimed at, in this work.
From this pamphlet we take the
following points, which are good
summary of what sort of a person
good citizen ought to be.
A good citizen ought to have the
disposition:
(1) To Act Loyalty. Loyalty is
the cohesive force of society. I'm
less we are true to our family, bust
ness associates and fellow citizens
the State falls to pieces.
(2) To Cooperate. Team play is
the only way to group efficiency.
1t should be cultivated in our games
as well as our work.
(3) To Act Honestly. Honesty is
the foundation of business, and the
bigger the business the more es-
sential is honesty. No man can lie
fast enough to keep an extensive
concern prosperous on dishonesty.
(4) To Act Justly. Which means
to be guided by his reason and not
his desires.
(5) To Work Honestly. Without
a disposition to work and earn his
wage he becomes burden on the
community.
(6) To Live Thriftily. Thrift
means simply not wasting, so that in
future you shall not want. Money is
necessary to civilization, and every
one should have little of his own
in reserve.
(7) To Act Tolerantly. Unless
men temper their convictions with
courtesy and learn to control their
hot egotisms there is no co-opera-
ton possible.
(8) To Live Reperently. There are
certain objects all decent men agree
to respect, as women, children, the
aged, the law, religion, honest senti-
ment and wholesome traditions.
(9) To Act RespOnsibly. The
feeling of personal responsibility is
the test of citizenship.
(1O) To Act Independently. Good
citizenship in democracy implies
and resourcefulness, not
slavishly following others or habits
of thinking.
(11) To Act With eE-Control.
Normal life is balance between
forces of desire and the regulating
intelligence. Without self-control is
chaos.
(12) To Act Kindly, which needs
no explanation.
(13) To Act Creatipely, and not
to assume only critical and OBJ
structive attitude toward the State
and the community.
(14) To Live Courageously. For
always the prime and determining
factor in any race is it's courage.
These Fourteen Points" of good
citizenship are worth thinking on.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

"growler" around with him in
stead OF a medicine case Ii going
to get me for a patient
OLD HORSE.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
Peat Fuel in Ireland.

At present the Irish bogs contain about 4,O00,-
600 900 tons OF anhydrous peat or 5000, 900 900
tons OF air dried peat About 100000 tons of
peat are burned as fuel In Ireland per snnun, and
over A5o0.0Oo tons of coal ara impartial
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

AND FOR an hour.
THE PAST comes
back.
AND WE tie it up.
AND PUT it away.
AND THE long twi-
light.
SETS IN again.
-
AND / leave her there.
WITH FOLDED
hands.
l THANK you.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
HELPING HAND FOR THE AGED

the corner of Ninth and r streets. my
time limited. But l stopped when
heard a perfectly normal looking
young girl refuse to escort an almost
sightless old lady across the street
After I had done the good Samaritan
act, the dear old lady. with all the
happiness. appreciation. and optimism
possible, thanked me. She told me
that women had refused to see her
safely across the streets. but men,
never! And / blushed with shame to
think that there are women who will
refuse to practice just q portion Of
the Golden Rule PEANUTS
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
11EARn,n n5EEf1A

/ see JOHN DRINKWATER, an
English playwright, lectured here.
He certainly can live up to his name
In the u. s. JACAREE.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
A Chinese Superstition.

The Chinese have a peculiar superstition which
leads them to seek burial always in their own
country. They have idea that 10 they are
buried In foreign lands their souls will wander
amonS straoGarA
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
THE GREATEST THINGS.

The agreeable compa MON, who would
not have you any different from what
you are.
come TO the point
A still greater bore--one who keeps
on talking after he has made his point.
The greatest deceiver, one who DE-
ceives himself or herself.
The greatest comfort-the knowledge
that you have done your work well.
The greatest mistske-giving up.
The cheapest, stupidest, easiest thing
to do--fnding fault.
The most expensive induigence-hate
The greatest stumbling block-ego-
tism
The best part Of reiigion--cheerfui-
ness and gentleness.
The best gift--forGiveness.
The thing that costs least and ossD
for most-poiitsnssa
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
Mr.. B. Baer
THE FAMILY ALMANAC.

Symbols and abbrevia-
tons Perihelion - near the
sun Apogee-far from the
earth The year 1890 Of
the Byzantine era begins
Sept. 1, Julian calendar. For
children. seven years old.
fifty drops of DR.. Jimp's
Concrete Pills. Absolutely
the only incurable remedy
on the market
The following values are
from the U. S. Coast Survey
and will determine high tide
mark on any point on At
lantic coast. High water
mark at Salem on January
f3, is 13hrs, 54m.P.M- Use
DR.. Jimp's Counter-Irritant
for gout. blisters or tic
douloureux In euralgia)-
Contains everything II
shouldn't
The British admiralty knot
or nautical mile is 6.0S0
feet. A comet is a celestial
body presenting a nebulous
aspect. elliptic. parabolic or
even hyperbolic. At present
1t is difficult to state
whether this theory is cor
rect. In long established
complaints we advise DIR.
Jimp's Duplex Emery Coat
ed Pills. Twelve to a dozen.
Absolutely harmless IL kept
bottled.
The moons phases, calcu-
lated from Atlantic Ocean
to the Rocky Mountains. In
. treating stubborn cases Of
hangnails. we suggest DR..
Jimp's Metallic Waters.
Easily dissolved and will
melt the tongue.
A total eclipse Of the sun
will occur Oct. l.. Visible
from Guam. Madagascar and
Asia. A piece of smok cd
glass will be given away
with every package of DR..
Jimp's Radium Sunfiower
Emetic- Most pleasant and
lasting remedy known for
seasickness.
The first sign Of the
Zodiac is Gemini. The goat
signifies Capric rnu S.
Taurus is the bull. Before
consulting the doctor use
DR.. Jimp's Taurus Elixir.
After one swig of this CEN
sus eradicator the gong OF
the ambulance will sound
like sweet music.
Washington's b. d. is
Feb. %. The invention OF
the revolving turret used on
the Monitor Ia claimed by
Theodore Ruggle Timby.
Juvenile and adult doses
should be varied according
to individual requirements s.
But DIR. Jimp's Remedies
should be used in all cases
where no other medicine can
be obtained.
For removing ink stains
from carpets, use either an
acid bleach or DIR. Jimp Q
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

Here's an ad from the other aft
ernoon paper of the loss of q
parcel on the 11th street line
containing pair of pants.' I
didn't see the parcel, but did see
two young girls running to catch
the car. They were out Of breath
for quite awhile after boarding 1t.
Could these have been the pants
referred to? R G. G. o.
All us fans are not kicking;
We'd all rather chase the gloom.
Don't you feel a great deal better
with Old Bilrs colyum in yer room.
MILO II.
Latest song, 81 Love to Chew
Spearmint: 1t Makes Me Feel 81
R +.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
The Worlds Gables.

The total length of the wire in the sheathing
and core of the worlds cables since their intro
duction in 1867. is sufficient to reach from the
earth to the NOON. a distance of more than $4,000
miles.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

I HAVE a friend.
WHO is very. old.
AND WHEN I call.
WE TALK a while.
AND THEN she whis-
pers.
so OTHERS won't
hear.
"UP IN that cupboard.
YOU'LL FIND a
box"
AND I bring it down.
AND SHE opens it.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

My idea of a pessimist Is one
who, when told he's looking fine,
says: II don't sec why you think
so, I've been nearly dead for q
month"; TAR HEEL
The Washington times., 1921-03-25
GOES LINE PUZZLE.

GOES LINE PUZZLE.
The puzzle bugs found the line
puzzle OF merrill A. COE to contain:
Hello fans I'm q new nut: t
Hope you'll like my stun.
I'll wear box of grapenutA
Hope to see you all April I.
Those who solved 1t were w. BARK
Err, central" LITTLE MIN
STER',' "STENO-TEBO CLUB" r. J.
LEWIS. HELEN r, TEADORA A. r,
MAURICE A. DOwNEs, jr., Lanham.
Md; CELIA s., AGNES c. ROLLIN,
EAGLE PASS" MARGUERITE No
ARTHUR. /. D. w.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

"Pekin Low" Is the sign In q
Chinese cafe. Most men are. In
these days of rolltops.
ZACK z.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

Blondie-That poodle of yours has
funny curl in his tail.
Maudie-Yes, that's SO the fieas can
loop the loop. DAN DE LYONS.
The Washington times., 1921-03-25

For removing ink stains
from carpets, use either an
acid bleach or DIR. Jimps
Nursery SYRUP
Draugas. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1917-current, 1921-10-25
APs1LEIDIMAs GELEzIN-
KEL1Q sR1TY.

JONIsKIs, (Eltos k.). Jo-
niskio stoty 'keleiviams tenka
daug vargti laukiant trauki-
Mo prisieina stoveti po he
teum. Esama vienam kam-
barry kaleiviai netelpa. Be to
nera nei suolp, kur keleivial
galetu pasedeti arba padeti
savo daiktus. Traukiniai at
eina If iisseina tik nakty. svie-
sa menka, prie stoties pur-
vynas. Platformos nera, lip
ii j traukini auksta, neparan-
ku. .Ateina lytingas rudo, If
salta ziema, 0 nieko nera da-
roma items neparanklmalns
pasalinti.
Draugas. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1917-current, 1921-10-25
De VALEROS TELEGRAMA
SSAUKIAN.TI.
TAIP sAKo LII. GEORGE.
Cali but pertraukta taikos
konferencija.

IONDONAS, spal. 25.
Vakar ivyko cia anglQ-airiq
sesija. Sakoma, .kad sesija, jei
galima taip reikSti, buvo la
bal Salta. Nebuta entuziazmo
ir tos vilties, kuria pasire-
infant buvo ,vedamos tarybos.
Anglai pasipiktino negra-
ziu de Valeros pasielgimu. Tas
gall sutrukdyti arba visai per-
traukti derybas.
Ana dienq Sventasis T6vas
susimain6 telegramomis su An
glijos karalium Airijos klau-
SINE. ISreikSta Willis, kad An
glija sur Airija susitaikysian-
clos. Anglijos karalfus airius
pavadino "mano zmon6s. "
Airiu vadas de Valera po
to muse telegrama sventajam
,Tevui If nemandagiai atsilie-
pc apie Anglijos karaliQ.
Tas suk9l6 nesusipratimQ il
kick tlukSmo. NesmagumQ pa
daryta il paGiam Vatikanui.
Vakar premieras Lloyd Ge-
orge kalbedamas par1amente
priSimin6 ir tq de Valeros te-
legramQ. Sake, kad tuomi
Airija iSSaukia Anglia. Kad
taip, tai vargiai bus galima
atsiekti taikQ.
Draugas. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1917-current, 1921-10-25
ATsTATYMo KoMIsARIA-
TUT ATMINTI PAVEDU.

sVEKSNA. Mus4 Sveks-
ma taip statosi. kad uz kokiq
poros metq bus tikrai atstaty-
ia. Statosi ne tik dienomis,
bet ir naktimis; ne tik salia
gatviQ, bet ir turgaus aikste-
Sc If pasventoryje. Greitu
laiku ne tik nebebus vietos
atvaziavusfems turgun apsis-
toti, bet il gatyemis praeiti.
Visur bus uzstatyta namais.
Matyt sveksniskiai mano ar
rausti. tunelius zemejen ar vir-
sum nanu taisyti tramvajus.
Vakare zmogus atsiguli, dar
aikste tuseia, bet ryte jau II
bestovis namas. Kad tvir7
esiau namai stovetu, tai vals-
Claus vaIdyba duoda leidimus,
0 Atstatymo K-ja patti nanlus
state. Tokiu budu pastatyti
namai esq tyireiau stoves.
Draugas. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1917-current, 1921-10-25

LONDONAS, spal. 25. -
LaikraScio Daily Mail kores-
pondentas is Austrijos sosti-
nes Viennos praneSe:
"Karolis proklamuotas
Ungarijos karalium, Karoliu
Ketvirtuoju. Kaip jis, taip
karaliene turf 1aimeti sosta
arha mirti. Sake, jiedu gyvi
neapleisiQ Ungarijos.
"Ceko-Slovakija skubiai
mobilizuoia kariuomene su
tikslu isibriauti Ungarijon.
Pietiniai slavai, pirmoje vie
toje serbai, tariasi taipat pull
ii Ungarija."