Atlanta tri-weekly journal. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1920-19??, 1921-12-13
E|NSTEN THEORY
HAS UPSET MOON
BY VIM. BIRD
LEASED Wire Service to The JournaI.)
(Copyright 1921

Copyright, 1921
LONDON, Dec. 10.-The full and
frightful consequences of the Elm
stein theory are just beginning to
be apparent. Too many people UP
to this time have gone quietly about
their business Gf any, without re-
gard to the professor and his ad-
yanced ideas mot to use the longer
and uglier word "propaganda").
bhssfully ignorant of the fact that
while they were thus occupied the
professor was patiently at work
undermining the very bases of the
solar system.
For, to speak the whole horrible
truth, British astronomers at the
Greenwich observatory have just
discovered that, thanks to the Fins
tein theory of RELATIVELY, the moon
has speeded up in it's orbit, and is
now 800 yards lover half a mile,
mind you) ahead of the point where
1t was twenty years ago, relatively
speaking, of course. If this sort of
thing goes on-and it will go on,
they declare, unless something is
done about tit won't be many
million years before we shall have
two or three full moons every month
and four or five tides instead of two
every day.
Imagine the consequences. Visitors
to summer hotels, when that time
comes, will be obliged to overhear
the mornings Of the moonstruck
couples on the verandas at least
twice as often as they now do. Grim
inals, taking advantage Of the
dark of the MOON" will have twice
as many opportunities for their
deeds. Graveyard ghosts will scarce
ly get any rest at all, and the de-
mand for rabbits feet will force the
price far out of reach of the COM
mon man obliged to pass by Gene
terry on his way home from his noe
turnal toll.
AL this. coupled with the fact
that publishers Of almanacs and cal
endars will have to scrap their
whole stock of tables and plates,
means a direct loss to the communi-
ty that is certain TO be reflected in
higher taxes, unemployed and gen.
eral misery. And why? Simply
because a man with a fine sound
ing title and an Enthusiastically Ger
spread his subversAve doctrine amid
the general indifference of the great
patriotic and conservative masses.
Nor is this all. The matter of
the tides alone concerns every cit
izen, little as he may realize it. If
it is true today-and it has never
been successfully C.QnteSted-that
time and tide wait for no man, how
much more so will it: be the case
when the said tides alse bobbing up
and down every few hours all along
the American coasts, from Maine to
Texas and from Seattle to San Die
go! Some may say they have never
asked the tides to wait for them
and that they may go hang, but this
is q selfish and short+sighted atti-
tude to take.
In view of this menace, what Is
being done by our public authori
ties? Can anybody point to sin
gle bill introduced in the parliament
Of any allied country putting a stop
to this sort of tampeling with
things that have always given sat
isfaction just as they are, and that
the vast majority of people the
world over would prefer to maintain
on their own present historical and
traditional basis? To look at the
record one would think that our
legislators were perfectly content to
have the moon racing around in it's
orbit at a reckless pace, in defiance
Of all the laws of celestial traffic
and astronomy.
And if the moon Is to be allowed
to break the laws with impunity,
the example is sure to spread. The
next thing, the sun will join the race
and we shall have eight days in
week, and the most popular poem
in the English language will have
to be revised to read:
"Thirty-five days hath September
april, June and November,
"All the rest have thrty-six,
Excepting February, which alone
Hath thirty-two, and in bisseXtile,
OR leap years,
"Thirty-three."
You see the whole rhyme and
swing of the thing are destroyed.
There will be then 424 days in a
year and this in turn is sure to be
used by unscrupulous landlords as
a new pretext for raising rents.
BY and large, then, there is little
to be hoped from our legislators,
who as usual are too busy looking
for their own narrow political in
terests to concern themselves with
the general welfare, and the only
chance of avoiding calamity lies in
an aroused and awakened public
opinion. People who want to avoid
having the sun rise and waken the
baby at o'clock in the morning
should organize now, before it is too
late, and make their sentiments felt.
EoY Annonn 0nions