The Washington herald., 1921-01-28
Riley Wilson
Spins a Yarn
Congressional Candidate
Tells of Prize "Bmb
Wire" in Hills.
BY LABEKT IT. CIAIR.

llleN w lSOn, VINO ran Tor NOu-
Gress out in West Virginia last fall.
and. upon losing by only few thou
sand votes, announced that he would
run two years hence on a wet
/ platform. knows where some home
made cider and other lip relief may
bc obtained. Several OF Riley's
friends have things on hand. and. in
The interest of his perpetual can
didacy, they are inviting him in.
The other day Riley was out
walking along Cabin Greek when
Il, met a pilgrim who surely did
need drink. His tongue was
parched as dry as shale and swosIen
until it no longer was fat but
round like bologna. So when he
appealed. with tears in his eyes, for
drink, Riley piloted him to the
home of a friend who had a little
on hand.
This particular liquor was made
for emergencies. When a man was
hit by train. for instance. 1t had
been found that one drink of this
liquor would bring him back 10 life.
repair broken bones, stop the flow
Of, blood from. cuts and the like
Hence, when Riley gave the pilgrim
a drink of his horse-radish tonic
he emitted a loud whoop and de
Jared he had been shot with
load Of barbed wire.
Gimme a rag O. some Kind" he
shouted. My eyes is just naturally
weepin' themselves to death"
Riley reached into his pocket and
produced red baRdanna which he
rassed to the victim. who mopped
away tn" tears. Then he opened
his eyes and as they met the red
cloth he hOwled louder than ever.
Great shivcring Mike" he yelled,
that licker's give me a hcmorrhage
Of the eyeballs!"
The strangest automobile law
ever passed in this country, per
haps. was approved by the govern
or of Kansas on March .. 1903. and
published in the official State paper
on April /, 1908.
The law starts off in the same
language as do most laws resulat-
ing the speed OF automobiles. and
then suddenly it jumps the track
and gets on to band wagons which
are sometimes used by politicians.
That part relating to band wagons
follows:
Nothing in this section shall be
construed as in any way prevent
ing. ObstruCting, impeding. embar-
RAISING or in any other manner or
form infringing upon the prerOga-
tive of any political chauffeur to
run an automobilious band wagon
at any rate he sees fit compatible
with the safety of the occupants
thereof; provided, however. that not
less than ten nor more than twenty
ropes be allowed at all times to
trail behind this vehicle when in
motion. in order to permit those
who have been so fortunate as to
escape with their political lives an
opportunity te be dragged TO
death; and provided further. that
whenever a manGled and bleeding
political corpse implores for mercy,
the driver of the vehicle shall, in
accordance with the provisions Of
this bill, throw out the lifeline.
Amy person failing to comply
with the requirements of this act
or violating any of its provisions
shall be guilty of a misdemeanor,
and upon conviction in a court of
competent Jurisdiction shall be
punished by a fine not exceeding
800.
"All acts apd parts of acts in con-
f1ict with the provisions of this act
are hereby repealed.
This act shall take effect and be
in force from and after its publi-
cation in the official State paper"