Evening star., 1921-09-25
Cheese and Other Gifts
Bv Ring w. Lardner.

IT SUPPOSE by this time my readers
is burning up with curiosity in re-
CARDS to what was the present that
| this guy sent me and which 1 have
| Just wrote him the thank-you note
/ for same. Well friends. it was
cheese and not just l cheese or ]
piece of cheese, but boxes OF
cheese. That is what the bird sent
me and that is what l thanked him
side circle of my friends VIII tell
you that me thanking bird for
cheese is like Carpenter thanking
Dempsey for that second clip on the
chin as cheese affects me the same
like that punch affected the greek
hearing the word cheese sends the
slivers up and down my spine and
the only reason l mention 1t now
is to set myself right before the
public SO as from now on they won l
, be no mistake and l only hope that
if they's ANYBODY reading this here
that expects to invite me to Their
house for a meal that they will offer
me victuals which is not tainted with
this luscious Wand as l have came
home from many dinner y
starved because mine hostess had
the idear that no dish was complete
unlest the hired girl smeared 1t with
| limburger.
Cheese, my friends, is the favorite
| rations of rat and people that says
| they love cheese has got the same
tastes as rat and some of them
even looks like rats. When person
wants to catch rat they put cheese
| in a trap to decoy Reynard to the
trap and when people wants to catch
a fish they generally always put
angleworm on hook.
Well then, friends, if 1T is o. X. for
dressing a
! salad, why amt it o. X. to go out with
shovel after rainstorm and ge'
some garnishments for the dessert
course?
COME of my readers who has got
~ the cheese habit may take offense
at my remarks on this subject and
say to themself that l haven't no right
to make such remarks about a article
of food that pretty near everybody
eats and likes it. Well friends. in de-
! fense of how l stand on this subject
1 would like to ask the question, do
people really like it or do they just
pretend like they like it, and if the
latter amt the truth. why is 1t that
, when somebody mentions man that
you haven't no use for and they ask
you what you think of him, you say
II think he is a cheese"
Or take a man and gal that is
stuck on each other, why what ar
! ticles of food do they pick out to call
each other. The man Gays:
How are you feeling tonight.
duck?"
And the gal says:
'I am feeling fine, lamb" She Don't
say:
II am feeling fine, cheese"
And when man asks you what do
you think of his wife, you say you
think she is a peach. You dom. say
you think she is a cheese, not unlest
you want a punch in the eye.
Many Lall player has been put ou 3
of a ball pix. for calling the umpire
a cheese. but / never heard of one
getting canned for calling one a dish
of oatmeal or a corn fritter.
The word cheese is a slur and right
ly SO, and that shows how cheese
really stands with the public down
in their heart, and If cheese lovers
Is not convinced by these arguments
Why will close by merely reminding
them that for some yrs. yet We will
still be paying the bills for war
which wouldn't of never come off il
they hadn't of been a cheese fad ma
ton to stant it.
RING w. LARDNER.
Great Neck, Sept. %.