davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Mark Twain,s Elephant.

Most of us receive white elephants
at Christmas, minus trunks and tails.
but Mark Twain, the American hu-
morist, actually received an elephant
one Yuletide. Just before the fes-
tive season a great friend wrote and
told him If he was willing to accept an
elephant as a token of his regard, it
would arrive in due course. Whether
Mark looked upon the whole thing as
a joke or not one cannot say, but he
answered the letter by return mail,
thanking his friend for the offer, and
agreeing TO accept the animal. First,
a huge supply of hay was delivered,
then an elephant trainer was an
nounced to inspecta the premises, to
see that there was proper accommoda-
ton for the beast. and finally, the ami
NAL itself appeared upon the scene. 1t
was very fine specimen, and. to the
casual observer, it might have come
straight from India. However, on its
new master closely inspecting it, he
found his Christmas present was most
beautifully modelled of cardboard Az
amusing practical joke, but somewhat
expensive.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
SKIPPER REGRETTED HIS FIB
Persistent Questioner, in the Classic
Language of the Street, "Got
Back at Him."

The deep-sea fisherman often has a
sharp tongue and is not likely TO get
the worst of a verbal duel. But
George, the skipper of Yarmouth
trawler, who figures in North Sea
Fishers and Fighters" by Mr.. Walter
Wood, certainly met with his match
once whether he knew it or not.
There's land people who come and
bother you with foolish questions" he
complained in recOunting the hard
ships of shippers life. Il try to put
'em off, but can't allus do II. There
was an old lady who worried me past
endurance with her questions. ask
in if the herrin's were caught in bar
rels, as she'd sometimes seen 'em that
way in shops. l told her no. and then
she aggravated me 10 that extent that
/ told the only fib l ever spoke in my
life.
"'How do you kill 'em when you've
caught 'emP she asked.
awe bite off their heads | an
swered.
"She looked at the catch of herrin's
we had. Myl Myr she murmured.
walkin' away. How tired your poor
Jaws must BET"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
PLEA FOR EAGLES
Trapper Denounces the Bounty
Placed on Birds.
incidentally He criticizes the Present
Tendency to Extirpation OF Wild
Creatures of Our Country.

Next to the American Indian, the
most practical naturalist in the world
is the modern packer. He lets moth
ing get away. After the packer we
should place the prospector, hunter
or trapper who makes his living among
wild creatures and is obliged to know
their habits. 1t chances that there is
just in hand a rugged and outspoken
letter from one of these latter pracu'
cal naturalists who never took a de-
gree except in the school of out OF
doors, says a writer In the Saturday
Evening Post. He writes from the
heart of Alaska, far down the Yukon
river. and makes outspoken comment
on the present tendency TO the exrir-
patton of wild species by means or
bounties and the like.
In his blunt speech he says that as
for killing eagles at so cents a head
he is of the belief it would be better
to put the bounty on the men wao
made the law.
This practical naturalist has counted
thirty-six dead caribou calves on the
early spring bed grounds near his
home. He works where thousands OF
caribou calves are born each spring,
lives among them and watches them.
He says there were plenty of eagles
about hut that he never saw them eat
anything but the calves they found
already dead. He says they may kill
some weak calves or those about to
die, but so far as he has learned In
his travels in Alaska and Yukon ter
ritory he has never seen any harm the
eagle has done, although he has lived
in that region for twenty-five years
and is familiar with it rom the Iac-
kenzie to the Boring sea and from the
Arctic ocean to Lynn canal.
81 am not saloon or roadhOuse
prospector." he says, "but am in the
hills $50 days out of the $50. am not
IA naturalist and have not much educa-
ton. but If / couldn't make better
conservation laws than some we have.
d if | wouldn't quit. would like
to have some of our lawmakers out in
the hills for while and show them
that since the killing off of the eagles
there is nothing left TO do the scaven-
ger work There is just as much sense
in killing the scavengers in the cities"
There are getting to be a good many
men in this country who are weary of
the sweeping and CHASTITY results Of
hysteria and who begin to hope for
some horse sense upstairs-a good
many who would like to see this coun-
try left alone for a while the way Al
mighty Providence constructed 1t.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

"Of all the people who have taken
Tanlac. | don't believe there is any
one who feels any more grateful to it
than l do" was the statement made
recently by Mrs. ]. NJ. Craig of 6?41z
East Fortieth street, Los Angeles.
Like so many other families dur
ing the influenza epidemic last year
we all had it, and my own illness, to-
gether with the worry over the rest
of our family, brought on a case of
genuine nervous prostratiOn.
II was so weak / couldn't even
sweep the floor, and during the day
would have to lie down four or five
times. l tried to walk but found out
half a block was all l could stand be-
fore gave out. Nervous spells came
on me often.
Every medicine l tried failed to
reach my case until finally my hus-
band urged me to try Tanlac, and l
am indeed thankful that he did, for
it proved to be just what l needed.
1.-THE first two bottles didn't seem
to help me. l guess that was because
/ was so extremely bad off, but on the
third bottle l could tell was improv-
ing and that gave me more hopes than
ever Of getting well.
"My improvement from then on was
rapid and by the time l had taken
five bottles Of Tanlac l was better
and stronger than had been in years.
l was sleeping soundly at night and
bad gained twelve pounds in weight.
"That was several months ago and
from then until now have been in as
good health as 1 ever was in my life
and have been doing all the house
work by myself.
1T is simply remarkable how Tan.
lac has built me up and l have told
everyone of my friends and relatives
what wonderful medicine 1t is"
Tanlac is sold by leading druggists
everywhere.-Adv.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
SIMPLE ROAD TO HAPPINESS
AS Benevolent old Gentleman Pointed
Out. Desired Result Might Easily
Be Attained.

The beautiful young woman, dressed
in fashions most pronounced style.
entered the street car and sat beside
rather benevolent-loOking old man.
AS the car started she happened to
glance cut the window at bunch of
little girls playing on the sidewalk.
Don't they look happy" she
gushed. "But no wonder. Why,
remember my happiest days were when
used to wear short, little gingham
dresses"
Now, the man had seen her enter the
car, and he was well informed about
the length of the dress she was wear.
ing, so there was no installing his
hint. "You might try bingham instead
of the silk you're now wearing" he
suggested.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
New Airnlane.

Builders of the "bat-wing" airplane
have designed the new craft to over
come the resistance of struts, wires
and fuselage that in the usual type
OF machine consumes almost three
quarters of the engine power. The
new design, says Popular Mechanics
Magazine, is great double cambered
airfoiI that terminates at right and
left in the conventional ailerons and
that tapers in the rear to tail that
has the usual elevator and rudder
The aerofoil measures 100 feet from
tip to tip and swells in the 'front.' t0 q
thickness of seven feet. In that bulge
is cabin 80 feet long, eight feet wide
and six feet in height. The new plane
is an internally trussed cantilevei
structure covered with wood veneer
so tough that the wing surfaces car
hs walked upon.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

are given crumbs and such goodies ne
gifts. And some kind people give
birds crumbs and suet all winter long
That is kind, indeed. | always sing
an extra song of thanks around the
houses Of such people, for even II ]
don't happen 10 have eaten any OF
the suet or breadcrumbs, like to hear
Of such thing being done,
and Oh, how much it does mean to
the birds in the winter, how much II
does mean.
"As | said before, we don't have to
worry. We have the same dressmak.
ers year after year. We don't have
TO so TO school. AS long as we gayly
sing chick-a-dee-dee- dee, chick dee
dee-dee, we're all right"
We'll" said Merry, I'VE do some
thing else beside sing, of course. We
eat over five thousand eggs day, they
say. OF the worms which would Nike TO
destroy the trees. I've never counted
the number. myself, though I've i'm.
agined I've eaten good many. That's
enough TO keep US cheerful,
Il wonder If people would agree &c
that, thought" he added
Probably not" said Jolly but nc
matter. Ii would be horrible worl0
II everyone of us wanted just the
same thing just suppose, for exam
pie. that every boy and girl in the
world suddenly wanted 10 eat nothing
but oranges. Nothing but oranges
Think Of II! Oranges for breakfast
lunch and dinner, several oranges at
time. Ii would never do. The or
auges would all give out unless every
one suddenly became an orange grow
err and don't suppose everyone would
want to do that.
Its a good thing we're all differ.
ent. oh yes, everything is finely ar
ranged. There is all kinds OF wealth
er in the world and we don't have &c
get tired of one kind. There are al
sorts of things to eat from worms tC
breadCrumbs. No wonder we're Sc
grateful"
And as the Evergreen tree upor
which Jolly and Merry were swinging
seemed to the happy small birds 10 b.
singing. too, they sang this little sons
In honor of their dear friend. thu
Evergreen Tree:
some trees are graceful and some are tall
Some bloom in the sprtngtine' some ares
up In the fall
put the ntcrst one we've ever seen
IL the loyal faithful evergreen.
And the Evergreen tree bowed "a
branches In thanks to the chickadees
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
advanced Rackwards..

Speaking about great retreats, the
German army pulled Off one that ranks
with the best.
The large town of FanchonrilIe. won
by the Germans in their firsI drive, be-
came headquarters for the three sue
ceeding years. In the meantime they
advanced a dozen miles further.
Then came the Inevitable. Beset by
Yank, Tommy and Poilu, they were
obliged to turn their faces back toward
Germany. Feeling, however. that an
orderly retreat would wreak havoc
with the mems morale, the general, in
flash of inspiration. posted this or
der:
Advance at once to the rear and
retake FanchonviIle. American Lee
giOn Weekly.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

Over fifty years ago a young phys
ician practiced widely in Pennsylya,
mia and became famous for his uni
form success In the curing of disease.
This was DR.. R. v. Pierce who after.
wards established himself in Buffalo.
N. Y, and placed his Golden Med
ical Discovery" in the drug stores of
the United States. When you feel
rundown, out Of sorts, blue and de-
spondent try the energlzing influence
of Golden Medical Discovery in tablet
or liquid form. Nearly a million
bottles were sold last year.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
s.DdddyS
Fairy Tale
BLAcK-cAPPEo cHlcKADEEs.
GRAHAM BOWER

"Cheerfulness." said little Merry
~hickadee, sis the greatest thing in
he world. l feel Sorry for creatures
who always have something to fret
about, such as their clothes or the
Weather or the amount of money they
nave in their pocketbooks for soda
waters and school books"
"Of course" said little Jolly Chick
adee. a brother Of Merry Chickadee,
it's part of our family history to be
gay and CHEEKY. We've always been.
Now, it's different with people.
they've had cross members Of their
family and pleasant ones. With the
.hickadees. right down through the
ages, right down through the history
If birts, we've always been gay and
bright.
81 don't see why We shouldn't be-"
Jolly continued 1T is really differ
snt with people, too They have
things to worry about-dresses and
suits-we don't have to worry about
our feathers. The same Feather
Brothers are our tailOrs and dress
makers year after year.
1--WE don't have to worry about the
price OF food. Worms are just as
cheap as ever The ground is just as
good a market. Little insects are
plentiful which means there are
plenty of them.
Eyes. some creatures may have
more reason 10 complain than we
have-we have no reason at all to
complain.
"S0me folks have to think Of wheth-
er they can afford this or that, for
the butcher and the grocer may be
charging more this week than last.
but the cost Of living doesn't bother
us. No. no. indeed.
Even when prices were highest
we sill didn't have to worry. That
was Indeed fortunate. We didn't have
to buy anything or pay money for any
thing, aud the same is still true. We
don't have to give out chlckadee or
bird money because there isn't such
thing.
I'VE just help ourselves to what we
see and others of our kind do the
same. Birds are given presents some
times and that Is always nice. Birds
and children and, in fact, everyone, /
believe. are all fond OF presents. Birds
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Fun for Women
to Diamond Dye
Garments, Draperies Dyed
New for Few Cents

Any woman can follow the simple
directions in package and diamond-dye
shabby, faded skirts. waists. coats.
stockings, sweaters, draperies, cover
ings, everything into new. Don't risk
your material in poor dye that
Streaks or spots. Buy Diamond Dyes"
no other kind. Tell the druggist
whether your material is wool or silk,
or if 1t is cotton, linen, or a mixture.
16 rich Colors.-Adv.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Pessimlstlc.

A minister ON the occasion OF g
marriage was at loss in trying &c
discover the bridegroom among the
company of young men present Fix
ing on a young man with the biggest
flower in his button-hole, he asked
him quietly:
Are you the happy man?'
THAT remains to be seem was the
solemn answer.
But are you the man who is to be
married?'
"Oh. aye: but that's another mat
ter"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Faulty Diet.

In an investigation of DOT diets sup
posed TO be typically American, Prof
Fl. C. Sherman of Columbia university
has found that only one was deficient
in protein, while 81 were lacking il
calcium. II each of the low-energJ
diets was Increased to 1900 calories
none would lack protein, but sever
per cent would still have too little cal.
cfum. The needed calcium carbonate
or phosphate can best be supplied by
foods rich in lime. OF these milk has
the advantage of increasing the high
grade proteins and providing the es
sential fat-SOluble vitamine.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Unused Water over.

Fifty million horse power comprises
Grated. now in use in the United
States. 1t is conservatively estimated
that as much more can be developed
by utilization of the water power re-
sources. The Department of the In
terror has placed the potential water
power at G0,000,O00 horse power, of
which only 100000 is now devel-
oped. This saves the country more
than 100000 tons of coal annually.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Difficulty Ended.

"Why my dear" said Mr.. DeStyla
"Tm glad to see you so composed.
When 1 left this morning you were
weeping and wailing and tearing your
hair because Fido was sick"
"TeIl, you see" explained Mrs. De-
Style, "after you left Mrs. Tiptop
came In and told me that dogs of
Fido's breed were going out OF fash
ion. So l dried my tears and kickes
him out"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

pain at all. recommend your medi-
cine to everyone and you may publish
my testimonial, hoping that the Vege-
table Compound does some other girl
the good it has done me. Mrs. GEORGE
TEGARDEN, 915 Third Street, Mounds
vile, w. Va.
How many young girls suffer as Mrs.
Tegarden did and do not know where to
turn for advice or help. They often are
obliged to earn their living by toiling
day in and day out no matter how hard
the pain they have to bear. Every girl
who suffers in this way should try Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and
If she does not get prompt relief write
to the Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co.,
Lynn, Massachusetts, about her health.
Such letters are held in strict conf
dence.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

Laura Bromwell, the noted ar-wom-
an, said 1T Mineola the other day:
"ln the past I; was considered I'm
modest for a girl 70 wear riding
breeches but riding breeches seem con-
sentative and even reactionary beside
the evening gowns that are being
shown.
"A society girl complained at dinner
the other night:
"T've written the modiste, hut here's
anorher day gone by without her send
ing home my new bah gown
Perhaps growled the society
girls father-'perhaps you neglected
TO inclose stamped and directed en-
yelope.' detroit Free Press.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
He Wouldn't Be Normal

as II true that the average man
worries more about his own health
than he does about his wife's?"
IF he doesn't" replied the cynic.
cts because there is something rad.
ically wrong with him" -Blrmingham
Age-Herald.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
RUB RHEUMATIC PAIN
FROM ACHING JOINTS
Rub Pain right out with small trial
bottle Of old "St. Jacobs OIL"

Stop dosing" rheumatism.
It's pain only; not one case In fifty
requires internal treatment. Rub
soothing. penetrating "St. Jacobs Oil"
right on the tender spot" and by the
time you say Jack Robinson-Out
comes the rheumatic pain and distress.
st Jacobs Oil" is harmless rheu-
matism llnlment which never disap-
points and doesn't burn the skin. Ii
takes pain, soreness and stiffness from
aching joints, muscles and bones;
stops sciatica, Iumbago, backache and
neuralgia.
Timber up! Get small trial bottle
of old-time, honest st. Jacobs Oil"
from any drug store. and in moment,
youll be free from pains, aches and
stiffness. Don't suffer Rub rheuma-
tism away.--Adv.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Substitute for Class

4 new substitute for glass or for
lacquer has been invented in Germany.
II can be cut with shears or with a
knife and, when heated to more than
100 degrees Centigrade, it forms a
kneadahle mass which resumes its pre-
viouS hard state ON cooling. 1t is
Knows as "ceilon."
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Nst,ie Was loo LadyIIke.

'why, Nettie." said Il mother TO her
small daughter, you never saw me
act naughty as you have been acting.
Small Nettle-0f course not, mann.
ma. I'm too much of lady to notice
such things.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

DSCduSS my pSAtOuo
were irregular. came
two weeks,
and | would suffer
with bearing-dow
pains. A lady told
me of Lydia E. Pink
hams V eg e { a Bile
Compound and how
much good it had
done her daughter,
so / took it and now
/ am regular every
month and have no
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
A sllIvnisnn

Instructor In Rhetoric-Give me an
example Of n syllogiSm.
Freshie--Au men are more or less
aliks. am mas therefore I am
mate or less ain e Boston Transcript
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Son Was Glfted

Maybe your son hasn't found him.
self yet" we consoled. isn't he gifted
In any way2"
"GIfted2 | should say he Is. He
amt got a darned thing that WASH
given to him"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
Ma,,a can.t eet one

Maud with newspaperl-Here's &
U,,uan discovered with two husbands
Toul-Thas's embarrassing.
Embarrassing Its extrava
cant Boston Transcript
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

Good for a Starter only.
AT luncheon ] had something excel
lent, but not satisfying"
"What was it?"
IAN excellent appetite"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
EconomX.

Percival-Tve got money to burn.
Naylor-Well. go ahead. it's cheap
mr. than coal
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
8OYearS Old
Was Sick
Now Feels Young After
Taking EatOniC for
Sour Stomach

81 had sour stomach ever since had
the grip and it bothered me badly
Have taken Eatonic only a week and
am much better. Am so years DID,"
says Mrs. John Hill.
Eatonic quickly relieves sour stom-
ach, indigestion. heartburn, bloating
and distress after eating because it
takes up anG carries out the excess
acidity and gases, which cause most
stomach ailments. If you have "tried
everything" and still suffer, do not give
up hope. Eatonic has brought relief to
tens of thousands like you. A big box
costs but a trifle with your druggists
guarantee
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

A girl seldom begins to take life
seriously until she has been up against
one case of unrequited love.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
One NEIGHBOR
TELLS ANOTHER
Points the Way to Comfort
and Health. Other Women
Please Read

Moundsville, w. Var had taken
Doctors medicine for nearly two years
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

A burnt cat shuns the fireplace
Tamil.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

kKRS. ]. M. CRAIG, of Los An
49, geles, Calf, who says no one
can feel more grateful for what
Tanlac has done than she does.
Declares she has gained twelve
pounds and her health is now bet.
ter than in years.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09
A PROMINENT
MINNESOTA WOMAN

St. Paul. MINI. u used DR.. Pierce's
Favorite Prescription to help me during
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-03-09

And the Evergreen tree bowed It's
branches In thanks to the Chickadees
, 1921-07-07
LOCAL NOTES
Items of Interest in and Around Rawlinsl

Mrs. l.. +. Vivion and son Walker
motored to the Leo ranch on Sunday
and from there to Arlington where
they attended the barbecue and cele-
bration on the Fourth
Mr.. and Mrs. Hoyt. financial
agents for the St. Michael Mission
on the Wind River reservation were
here on Tuesday Of this week from
their home at Ethe1e. on matters OF
business. They were joined in this
city by Bishop Thomas OF Cheyenne,
who returned with them to the res.
ervation to look after church matters
among the Indians there.
Mrs. Louis Claussing Ia absent or
her vacation from the Ferguson Mer
camille Co.. and will spend most o.
her time visiting relatives ant
friends in the country.
Mrs. F. j. Baroch returned thu
first Of the week from Springfield
Mo-. where she has been spending
the past five or six weeks visiting
relatives and friends.
A motor party comprising Mr.. ant
Mrs. J. R. Doty, Miss Doty, RALPH
Newell, Mr.. and Mrs. Geo. Campbell
and family, Mr.. and Mrs. A. B
Walker. and family, Mr.. and Mrs. H
A. France and son, DR.. and Mrs. A
F. Thode and Miss Crystal Thods
went to Robbers Roost" on Ell
Mountain on Sunday where they
camped out and enjoyed the Fourth
! returning home on Monday night.
Mr. and Mrs. Jack Roe spent sew.
eral days in Rawlins this week from
the camp of the Midwest, visiting
relatives and friends.
Harold Close, Will Anderson and
Harry Anderson spent Sunday and
! Monday al the Sweetwater celebra-
tion, returning to town on Tuesday
morning.
Mr.. and Mrs. l.. H. Werlich and
baby are leaving this evening for
Los Angeles, California. where they
expect to spend the remainder Of the
summer. and will be the guests of
Mrs. Weirich's parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
C. H. Anderson.