The Washington herald., 1921-02-27
AND AFFAIRS OF WASHINGTON FRATERNAL SOCIETIES c
An O.. Henry Story
THE CHAIR OF PHIL ATHEMATICS.

union card. The Esperanza bank
guaranteed salaries. which was to
run between $500 and ssoo.5o.
Well isr. we fnlaly got in shape.
Over the front door was carved the
words: The Worlds University;
Peters and Tucker, Patrons and Pro-
prietors.' And when September 4
got a cross-mark on the calendar.
! the come-ons begun to roll in. First
the faculty got on the tri-weekly
express from Tucson. They was
mostly young, .spectacled-. and red
headed. with sentiments divided be-
tween ambition and food. Andy and
| me got 'em billeted on the Flores
Williams and then laid for the stu
dents.
They came in punches. We had
advertised the university in all the
State papers. and 1t did US good
to see how quick the country re-
sponded. Two hundred and nineteen
husky lads aging along from Is up to
chin whiskers answered the clarion
call Of flee education. They ripped
open that town. sponged the seams,
turned II, lined II with new mo-
| hair. and you couldn't have told II
from Harvard or Goldfields at the
March term of court
They marched up and down the
streets waving flags with the
Worlds University colors-ultra-
marine and blue-and they certain
ly made a lively place of Flores
Vile. Andy made them a speech
| from the balcony of the Skyview
| Hotel. and the whole town was out
| celebrating.
s"In about two weeks the profess
| sors got the students disarmed and
herded back into classes. / don't
believe there's any pleasure equal
to being a philanthropist. Me and
Andy bought high silk hats and
pretended to dodge the two report
ers Of the Floresville Gazette. The
paper had a man to kodak us when
ever we appeared on the street and
ran our pictures every week over
the column headed Educational
Notes Andy lectured twice a week
| at the university; and afterward
would rise and tell a humorous
story. Once the Gazette printed
| my pictures with Abe Lincoln on
one side and Marshal p. Wilder on
the other.
Andy was as interested in phil
| anthropy' as / was. We used to
wake up of nights and tell each
other new ideas for booming the
university.
ANDY says 1 to him one day,
there's something we overlooked.
The boys ought to have dromeda-
ries.'
What's thatr Andy asks.
why, something to sleep in, of
course says /. All colleges have
EN-
"'oh. you mean pajamas,' says
Andy
81 do not says I. I mean drom-
edaries' But 1 never could make
ANDY understand; so we never or
dered 'em. OF course, I meant them
long bedrooms in colleges where the
scholars sleeA in a row.
We'll, sir, the Worlds University
was a success. We had scholars
| from five States and territories, and
| Floresville had a boom. A new
shooting gallery and a pawn shop
and two more saloons started; and
the boys got UP a college yell that
| went this way:
| RAW, raw. raw,
Done, done, done,
| Peters, Tucker.
Lots of fun
Bow-wow-wow,
Haw-hee-haw,
World University.
Hip, hurrah!"
| The scholars was fine lot OF
| young men, and me and Andy was
4 as proud of 'em as II they belonged
| to our own family.
But one day about the last OF
| October Andy come to me and asks
| IL have any idea how much money
| we had left in the bank. / guests
| about sixteen thousand. Our bal
| ance.' says Andy, is sS2l.62.'
| What" says 1, with kind Of
yell. DO you mean to tell me
that them Internal clod-hopping,
| dough-headed, pup-faced. goose
Drained. gate-stealing, rabbit-eared
sons of horse thieves have soaked
US for that muchT
mo less says Andy.
Then, to Helvetia with philan-
thropy,' says /.
Not necessarily says Andy.
| philanthropy says he, when run
| on a good business basis is one of
the best gratis going. I'll looR into
the matter and see IL it can't be
| Strengthened out
The next week l am looking over
the payroll of our faculty when l
| run across a new name-Professor
| James Darnley McCorkle, chair of
mathematics; salary 500 per week.
| l yells so loud that Andy runs In
| quick.
| What's this says I. a profess
sor of mathematics at more than
$1,000 a year? How did this hap
| pen? Did he get in through the
window and appoint himself?'
II wired to Frisco for him a
| week ago. says Andy. In ordering
! the faculty we seemed to have over
looked the chair of mathematics.
IA good thing we did, says l..
| We can pay his salary two weeks,
anil then our philanthropy will look
like the ninth hole on the Skibo
| golf links.
wait a WHILE says Andy, and
see how things turn out. We have
taken up too noble a cause TO draw
| out now. Besides. the further / gaze
into the retail philanthropy business
the better it looks to me. never
thought about investigating 1t be-
fore. Come to think of it now goes
on Andy, all the philanthropists
ever knew had plenty of money. 1
ought to have looked into that mat
Ser Ibng ago, and located which was
the cause and which was the effect.
ct had confidence in Andy's chican-
cry in financial affairs, so / left the
whole thing in hts hands. The Uni
versity was fiourishing fine. and me
and Andy kept our silk hats shined
l. y ~ nj n