davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
RIPPING RHYMES
By Walt Mason.
SAFE OR SORRY

I'm sorry as a man can be-" h
motorist explained. when he had run
down MI. Chez, and left him maim-
ed and spraihed. I'm sure l would
not strip the fur from any walking
gents; / would not nave such things
occur for ~ffty-seven cents" But Mr..
Chez, with busted bones, goes home
ward in a crate. and he exclaims. in
wailine tones, your sorrow comes
too late! Had you but watched the
road ahead, maintaining lawful
speed. l would not have a broken
head, my person would not bleed.
You did not care just where you
went, you teetered left and right.
and now my collarbone is bent, my
whiskers are a sight" The motorist
leaves Mr.. Chez. and heaves a heart
sick sigh, and for a week or maybe
three he'll drive with cautious aye.
With earnest care he will advance
on streets where commerce thrives,
and give pedestrians a nance to
save their misspent lives. But soon
he'll weary of a pace that's safe but
deadly slow, and then again well
see him chase dispensing death and
woe. And though he's pinched by
peelers bold. he still will scoot and
zip; when once the speed germ gets
a hold, 1t won't relax its grip.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Another amazing thing Is how some OF tne
girls keep from cracking. their drugstore COM
plexions when they are chewing gum. -,
There are times when even a motherly olo
lady finds it difficult to express her emotions
without the aid of a cuss word.
A woman doesn't care much how broad her
feet look as long as they look short.
AS the women become more mannlsh some OF
the men have taken to using talcum ana sacneI'
"Where are we gonna head in att" as the
brakeman said,
The alleged Busy Bee is another fourflusher:
The bee gets a longer vacation than the big
league ball player. And that's some vacation.
If the poet had been an observant cuss ne
would have written an entire volume on Wom-
ans human to Woman.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

@. Please give me the names OF
states which have ordinances against
the use of exhaust whistles on motor
yehicles.-C. G. s.
A. The American Automobile AS
~.ociation says that practically al
states prohibit the USE of anything
on automobiles that makes noise ex-
cept a sound of warning. al cars
should be equipped with mutflers.
@. Since Hoyle has been dead for
q. century, why do we still say "ac-
cording to Hoyle?" Haven't rules
for card games changed since!-
r. A.
A. The word "Hoyle" has come
to stand as an abbreviation for En-.
cyclopedia of Indoor Games
"Played according to Hoyle" simply
les correctly played" or "ac-
cording to established rules Inc
original book by Edmund Hoyle was
the first attempt to collect in n
volume the rules of popular indoor
games. This collection has been
added to and changed, but many
people have the delusion that Hoyle
wrote about games such as pinochle
and poker. which in reality he never
knew.
~. HAS TIE uldyOI u q 49, S
authority to call out the state mill
tia Pr. f.
A. The War Department says
hat the State Adjutant General in
the capital of each state is the only
one. aside from the governor OF the
state, who has the right to call out
the state militia.
O. Please explain the provision
OF the Postal Law regarding the re-
turn to the Postal Service of ex-serv-
| ice men.-M. B. M.
A. The Post Office Department
| says that a man who has been in the
service of the army and has been a
| regular postal employee receiving
| less than $500. can get credit for
the number of years he has served
in the military or naval service
When he returns to the Postal Serv-
ice after being in military service
promotion will go OH automatically
Just as though he had been serving
that time in the Post Office Depart
ment.
@. What should silver be packed
in to prevent furnishing ?-J. H..
A. We suggest that you wrap the
silver in canton flannel. The jew
elers use red, gray or green cantor
| flannel, but never white because the
chemical that has bleached the white
| canton flannel often causes the sill
YER to darken. If the drawer, chest
or bag where the silver Is stored
contains a few pieces of gum cam
| phor, the tarnish will not form Sc
soon.
@. Which is the greatest rivel
in the world?-L. c. NJ.
A. The Amazon is the creates
river in the world. being said to con-
tain one-tenth of all the running
water on the globe.
@. In what country was golf firs
played ?-F. ]. H.
A. There Is much evidence t.
show that this game Is of Dutch
| origin. From a royal letter of James
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

I took my little Grandson unto
a Restaurant and, bought for him
a Good Square Meal. And it was
the lads First Experience of the
kind. And he watched eagerly that
he might behold everything that oc-
Cured, and there was not much
that he did not observe. And I read
unto him the Bill of Fare, and
whatsoever he desired, that did l
buy for him.
Now when he had returned unto
tho house, he told mis- mother, even
the daughter Of Keturah, about his
Great Experience. And of all tfat
he had to relate. this was the most
wonderful for him:
They gave unto him at the Res
taurant a Glass Of milk, and also a
Glass of Water.
Now this would not have seemed
unto me the most important part
of the feast; but at home there
are certain limitations. For ne lik-
eth to play with his glass, and some
times doth he upset it. And If he
have two glasses, he dippeth from
the one to the other with a tea
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
PARALLELS OF
SAFED THE SAGE

spoon and seeketh to maintain .
level Of liquids in the same two BY
drinking and dipping.
Wherefore, it was for him a Red
Letter Day when he had both Water
and Milk in two glasses at the
same time. and IN comparison the
rest of the Bill of Fare was unim.
p%ortant.
And I considered that this Is
very like unto Human Nature; and
that men and women have their
own arbitrary standards of Value
that are quite as Comical as those
of Children.
For / know many men and wo-
men who go through life with its
Feast of Fat Things, and what they
are getting out of it is little more
than a thin Milk-and-Water diet.
But the table of our Heavenly
Father is well loaded with a Feast.
Now my little lad. though he
chiefly regarded the Milk and Wa
ter, really filled himself very full
of the substantial stuff of the Meal.
And therein he was more sensible
THAN some Grown Folk.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

vi of Scotland DANES I of England)
who forbade the importation from
Holland of the balls and clubs used
in the game, and from pictorial rep
resentation Of the game which are
chiefly Dutch, the evidence is in sup
port of the above assumption. 1t
was introduced into Scotland before
the middle of the fifteenth century
@. How may oil paintings be
cleansed ?-I. w. T..
A. To clean an oil painting. wash
the surface gently with clear, warm
water, using a soft cloth or fine
sponge, let dry, and rub gently with
a soft flannel cloth moistened with
pure olive oil. The water softens
the accumulation of smoke. dust and
dirt, and the oil assists in wiping it
away.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer TO
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau. Frederic J. Haskin, Direc
tor. Washington, d. c. This offer
applies strictly to Information. The
bureau cannot give advice on legal,
medical and financial troubles. II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles, nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on any subject write
YOU. question plainly n orieiiy.
Give full name and address n en-
close two cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
HELPED HER LITTLE GIRL

Children need all their strength for
growing. A lingering cold weakens
them so that the system is open to
attack by more serious sickness.
Mrs. Amanda Flint. Route 4. New
Philadelphia, O.. writes: "Foley's
Honey and Tar cured my little girl
of the worst tickling cough. I had
tried many things and found moth
ing to help until I got Foley's Honey
and Tar" Gives immediate relief
from distressing, racking, tearing
coughs. Sold evrywhere.-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
BITS OF BYPLAY
BY Luke McLuke
Copyright. 1890. by The Cincinnati Enquirer

Spring.
Paint ana buds.
Bruoms and suds.
Birds and gnats.
Gaudy hats.
Moving vans.
NarniSh cans.
Heat and cniils.
Liver pills.
GreenIng twigs.
Lilac sprigs.
Seeds in sacks.
Aching backs.
Base ball game
Spring has came!
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

y to see how near they come to carrying out
the desires of their constituents in this matter
particularly when it is known that generous
state aid has been promised in financing the
work.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

There goes Tom Smith, our town character
said the native, as he speeded down one OF the
main streets.
"That the town character? % asked the visit
or. He looks like a pretty smart fellow"
HE is" replied the native. He's the only
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Automobile habit will shorten mans legs and
make his head bigger in time. says Levi S.
Gardner. Detroit scientist. You have noticed
that enlarged head tendency by owners of ex-
pensive cars.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

We find this bit of thrilling information In an
almanac:
Squirrels live seven years on an average.
Whales are estimated to live 1000 years."
Which would you rather be, a squirrel or a
whale?
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

April showers bring May flowers-if a col
nip doesn't intervene. .
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Amboy to Roosevelt or Port Reading would be
no better of than before. 1t would have to go
around by the way of Woodbridge in order to
avoid the impossible condition between Sewaren
and Port Reading, so the road direct to Wood
bridge from this city might just as well be taken
In the first place.
One Of the greatest reasons for the improve
meht of this road II to open the direct route
Between this city and Roosevelt. Business be-
tween the two places is great and is constantly
increasing. It IL decidedly beneficial to Middle
seq county that this should be SO. Incidentally.
Woodbridge township, across which the road
passes, is helped. These three places are among
the heaviest taxpayers in the county and repre-
sent a very large percentage of the population.
The freeholders doubtless realize that they can
not ignore such a sentiment.
But they have done everything in their power
to escape doing this work. AS a last subterfuge
they attempted to get away with paving only
half the road while permitting the people to re-
main under the impression that the whole road
was to be done.
Because the EVENING NEWS exposed this
trick it was invited by Director Dey to attend
to its own business and not butt in to what the
freeholdsrs termed "our' business. Just what
DlreCLOT Ley medub Dy OuT DusiHeSS IL III eA-
pressed. We had always supposed that the
,eholders handled the public's business and
wang they did was decidedly the affair of
BeTntpayers.
p pu. the director of the Board of Freehold
solvites the public press to keep its nose out
EUR business" a. II there was something
az on that concerned only the freeholders
Iemselves It Is time to look into the matter all
y---y- IT L. A. ~4,,~kx
Bard persists in advertising closed specifica-
Vnnac:nr road Improvement thus favoring the
4 latent paving interests when other materials
Equally as good or better. can be secured much
cheaper. .
The people owning property along this Sc
warren road not only want the pavement laid
this year. but they want a concrete pavement.
This, of course, does not suit the patent pave
ment interests. However. these taxpayers know
what they want; they are convinced that con-
crete is not only cheaper than the patented ma
terIal, but that 1t makes a great deal better
road. There may be a difference of opinion as
10 the latter, but If the freeholders have doubts
a. to concrete being cheaper. let them advertise
SfAr bids for both kinds and the figures will
speak for themselves.
It is not going to increase public confidence
in the Board of Freeholders for the director of
the board to tell the press, which represents the
public. to keep it's nose out of the county boards
business and mind its own affairs. Such peevish-
ness is only going to excite suspicion.
There is a persistent public demand for the paw
I Of the county road through Sewaren all the
st-om the Woodbridge creek bridge to the
\Sesr nnnng crossing: furthermore. the de-
9TH this road be paved with concrete
II -eeholders will be watched close
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Average American drank forty-four gallons
of milk last year. twice as much as a few gener-
atoms ago. The farther we get from the COW.
the more milk we want.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
And He's Not a Colored Man!

What Is your 1aVOrIte CUlUl. C"iS 70 49,
amber. But what we started to tell you was
that Pink Lavender is Chief Clerk at tne Na'n-
Vile Railroad Terminal, Nashville, Tenn.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
Paw Knows Everything.

Willie-Paw, what is a jury?
Paw-A jury is a body of men organized to
decide whether the witnesses for the plaintiff
or the witnesses for the defendant are the big
gest liars, my son.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Luke McLuke Says

An Ounce of Female Intuition Beats a Ton OF
Male Tuition.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
Things TO Worry About

Great excitement prevails in London. Inc
Imperial Standard Yardstick used for oficia
measurement has been found to have shrunk
almost 200 millionths of an inch.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

the sage.
Not over the telephone. they don't replied
the fool.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

The women folks are slow, poor dears,
They're not as swift as men, I'll state
It takes SOME of them forty years,
To reach the age of twenty-elght.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

The first time / cedar l made a quick mash,
A lumberman's daughter is sweet Maple Ash;
I'll spruce up and ask her if she won't be mine,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
From a Grammar School Gradual

Letter received by a school teacher as an ex-
cuse for the six-day absence of a scholars:
Dear Teacher: Please. excuse Mamie for
being away. But she has been sick with a dog
bite, The man that owns the butchers dog bit
her in the alley.-Mrs. *"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
PROPOSAL

PROPOSAL
Sealed ids will be received April T. .
1921 by the Comptroller of the City of
Perth Amboy for the purchase and re-
moval of buildings and sheds situated on
the property of the Perth Amboy Water
Department on King Street.
Structures to be removed within twenty
days from acceptance Of propose and
certified check for the amount bid to ac-
company proposal.
For detailed information, inquire at e
Water Department. City Hall.
The Comptroller reserves the right to
reject any or all bids.
BY order Of the Board Of Water Com
missioners.
O. ]. MoRGENsoN.
Comptroller.
Observation-Disclosures.
CITY ADVERTISEMENT
Sealed bids and proposals will be re-
ceived at the Council Chamber. City Hall
Perth Amboy. N. j.. on April 4th. 1921.
at 8 o'clock p. NJ, for two motor-driven,
az ton trucks for the use Of Street
Department.
Specifications may be obtained from the
City Clerk.
Certified check for $500. drawn to the
order OF the City Treasurer. must accom-
pany eacl. bid.
The Board of Aldermen reserves the
right to reject any or all bids.
Dated, March IS. 1921.
ARTHUR e. GRAHAM,
'155s-3-25-e9-31-4-2 City Clerk.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
WINDING THE pUBLIC's BUSINESS.

The Board of Freeholders have failed to get
away with their little scheme to pave only part
of the sewaren road this year. 1t is evident to
all who are willing to give the matter fair con-
sideration that little good would be accomplish
ed by paving the road from the Woodbridge
creek bridge only as far as Woodbridge avenue
in Sewaren. A vehicle travelling from Perth
Amboy to Roosevelt or Port Reading would be
no better of than before. 1t would have to go
around by the way Of Woodbridge in order to
avoid the impossible condition between sewaren
and Port Reading, so the road direct to Wood
bridge from this city might just as well be taken
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
Stacking!

Ned Watts, Mae Voltz and A. NJ. Peer all lve
in Lawrenceburg, Ind.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Another Pest.
With his advice he is too free,
He is a bird to shun;
He can't do things himself. but he
Knows how they should be done:
Luke McLuke.
once said to this buffer, Say
Suppose then you go to it,"
But ne Just turned and walked away
He knew he couldn't do it.
Newark Advocate.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02
Oh, JOyi

Oh, JOY
This isn't going to be such a bad summer at
ter all. The style engineers announce that the
we'll dressed woman will ignore the corset In
1921.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

Quick, Doc, The PulTnOtOr!
Dear Luke: Will Dye lives next door TO me-
Viyien Copper, age ten, Pikeville, Ky.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1921-04-02

ut puzzles me-"
Said oswald Beak:
How strong drink makes
Ny legs so weak"
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1921-09-22
ACTOR SHERMAN
TELLS HIS STORY
Member of Arbuckle's Party Was
Heard By District Attorney
Swami in New York.

New York. Sept 22.-The district
attorneys office announced to-day it
had located Lowell Sherman, movie
actor, and served him with request
subpoena for questioning in connection
with the Arbuekle case.
District Attorney Brady of San
Francisco had requested District At
torney Swami here to get in touch with
Sherman on his arrival from the coast
as the California authorities wished to
question him regarding the party in
the hotel suite of Fatty Arbuckle at
which Virginia Rappe met with in
iuries which resulted in her death.
Sherman had been one of the party.
Detectives sent by Mr.. Swami to the
Grand Central station yesterday to
meet the train on which Sherman jour.
neyed east were told by the conductor
that the actor had stepped off the train
at Harmon, n. Y, few miles up the
Hudson, and disappeared in an auto
mobile with red haired woman.
Sherman appeared at the district at
torney's Office shortly before noon, ac-
companied by an investigator, and was
questioned by Mr.. Swami and Assist
ant District Attorney Banton. II de-
veloped that ne had been located in a
New York department which he leases
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1921-09-22
SHERIFF GOT wINDED.
And Prisoner, William Jones, Got
Away In Burlington.

Burlington. Sept. -. Because he
evidently did not like the prospects of
a stay of from four to six months at
Windsor. William Jones Of North
avenue. who had Just been sentenced
by Acting Judge J. A. Mcnamara to
serve that time there for petty larceny,
departed from the custody of Dupty
Sheriff Walter Tupper as he was be-
ing taken from the court to the Chit
tenden county jail about four O'Clock
yesterday afternoon.
Sheriff Upper was taking the man
to the Jail without using handouts or
twisters according 10 eve witnesses.
and the prisoner was walking peace
fully beside the officer until the corner
of Winooski avenue and Main street
was reached when Jones suddenly be-
gan to run up the avenue. The officer
called to the numerous city carriers and
others to stop the fugitive but was un-
able TO make them understand his
wants in time to get the man Sheriff
Tupper gave chase but soon found him.
self winded and was obliged to give it
up. after he had followed the prisoner
mp College street and as far as Bradley
place.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1921-09-22
To Washington for Inter-
rogation By Department
of Justice
ATTORNEY GENERAL
DAUGHERTY SAYS
Secret Service !. sents Put
to Work I arious
Sc ssons

Washingto, p C., Sept %. High
officials of - u Klux klan may be
summoned g Washington for inter-
rogation |. - e department of justice,
Attorney General Daugherty indicated
to-day.
Director Burns of the departments
bureau of investigation, Mr.. Daugherty
announced, has been instructed to set
his agents at work on an investiga-
tion of Klan's organization in various
parts of the country.
In connection with the possible sum-
moning of the Klan leaders to Wash
inton, the attorney general said the
department of justice had tn authority
to summon any one and it was its
policy in the course of an investiga
tion to talk the matter over with the
pesons involved.
The attorney general said that any
criminal prosecutions would forthe
most part be matters of state laws un-
less there had been some violations of
the federal statute through the use of
the mails to defraud.
There is no need in this country,
Mr.. Daugherty said. for vigilance
organization. The country does not
need, he added, any constituted
organization to define and enforce the
laws for American citizens.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1921-09-22
LOOT FOUND IN GRASS.
Had Been Stolen from a Store in St.
Albans.

st. Adams. Sept. PA large guam
tity of stolen goods from the army and
navy store have been recovered in a
ditch in back of the gas company 5
plant. Several boys were playing on
the lot nearby and while hunting for
a lost ball came upon the merchandise,
well hidden in the grass. The boys no
tilted the clerks of the store, who re-
covered the clothing The youngsters
were rewarded for their find.
The store in this city is managed by
|. Fine, who at the time of the rob
berry was out of town. The store was
broken into some time during Monday
night and clothing estimated at S40O
in value was taken. The store was en-
tered through the rear door, the glass
having been broken. The articles taken
consisted of underwear, shoes. marine
pants. rain coats. blankets, sheepskin
lined coats, stockings and boots.
The police have been working in con
junction with the clerks of the store
and it is thought that it will not be
long before those who committed the
robbery will be in the Franklin county
Jail II is believed three men took part
in the robbery.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1921-09-22
MRS. KETTELLE
WAS EXPERT
SWIMMER
Husbands Theory Was
That Mrs. Kettelle Had
Beached Boat and Tried
to Swim After the Boat
When 1t Drifter Away
She Was Radcliffe Grad
uate

Union. Conn. Sept. 22.--The body OF
Mrs. Norah Johnson Ketteile VINO, as
a bride of few days, disappeared
from a camp at Lake Masphagang,
where she was on her honeymoon on
Sept. Is, was found in the lake to-day.
It was recovered by James Earl, care
taker of an estate, but was not re-
moved from the water pending exam
ination by the coroner and state po-
lice.
Mrs. Kettelle, aged %, a graduate
of Radcliffe college, disappeared while
her husband, John Dunster kettelle oil
Cambridge, Mass, was absent from
the camp. When he returned he found
her gone. most of her clothing left be-
hind and the boat belonging to the
cottage missing together with her ba IN
ing suit. The boat was found near the
opposite shore in the search which het-
telle made in a canoe for the missing
bride. The anchor was missing
Mrs. Kettelle was an expert swim
mer. The morning of her disappear
ance her husband said they had swan
ashore from an island in the middle OF
the lake.
Kettelle. who went TO his home IN
Cambridge after several days OF searcn
had failed to disclose the body, SAID
he thought his wife had beaebed the
boat. that it drifted away and that IN
swimming after it she became eN-
bansted.