The Rock Island Argus and daily union. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1920-1923, 1921-01-24

BEWARE!
BURNS, probably Just after imbibing the
second pitcher Of ice water, gave voice 70 the
pessimistic conclusion that man was made
to mourn" At least, we used to think he voiced
that sentiment while suffering from hang
over We're not so sure today. Ben Franklin,
Who mot being poet. stands acquitted OF tenn
peramental attacks Of pessimism, said IN THIS
world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
We are in entire agreement with Bob ana Ben
today. Anyway, We mourn, WIENER OF no we
we're made for that purpose. Why! Because
We had kidded ourself into the certainty that
we had opened an inexhaustible mine OF golden
contributions and now We are reiuc&anuy
forced to the conclusion that it was only a
pocket-and small one, at that. the morning
mail, contributorially speaking, assayed ABOUT
so per cent less than nothing.
FOR colyum-flling purposes contributors,
it appears are as helpful to TO-DAY cS,yu oh.m a
the Einstein theory Is 10 me neasywssSAs seaeAs
pion Of the shipyards.
BUT we refuse to mourn alone. So, by way
of reprisal against ccntributory negligence
we're going to write every line llnciudlhs coni-
mas. PERIODS, colons, semi-coions, e. cetery
andsoforth) Of this Ark Of Asinity ourself, cleas
to the bitter end.
curacy in auotation) that "a man who writes
except for money is b,ockhead." Huh; we've
tried both and at this L.oment the thought per
sists that the man who writes TOT money Is Inc
bigger blockhead. In cur contributing days we
wrote only when INSPIRED" and did 1t ]oyousiy.
Now we must do it every day ana as Tue .asA
grows greater the "inspiration' seems 10 grow
LESS Then. we took our own Pegasus Tor an
occasional canter and then turned him out TO
craze for a week or so. Then, when we De-
STROBE him he was always "rarin' to go. Now,
his head droops dejectedly; his knees sag wear
ilv; he has wind-puffs on his hooks ne Is
sway-backed, and his ribs and hip bones are
SC clearly visible that he more resembles an
X-ray picture of horse than the proud poet,
asters pony OF other days. Eneu! POOR ola
peg: he's wellnigh ridden to death.
BUT Peg is faithful. He responds nobly
when called upon-thOugh heaven and our type
writer only know how he does it!
LET us ask him to oblige with rhythmic
recital of
THE POETS DREAM.
O a poet lay-asleeping-but he wasn't sleeping
For he was riding in Pullman upper;
There was unrest in his stomach that was
mighty hard to quell-
Fried onions he had eaten for his supper
He was muttering and grooming as ne tossed
about in pain,
victim of the demon, Indigestion.
u hen suddenly there seemed to be pounding
|. What was it? Well, now, that's an open
question.
Then he saw an apparition Gf you get. me-
that's a ghoSt)
A-peerine in above his upper's curtain =.
And he thought he heard it speaking "a good
rhine for ghost is "roast')
Although, of course, he couldn't be quite
] certain.
But he saw the darn thing beckcn and he slid
out of his berth
To follow it, although he was unwilling.
| It led him down the sleeper alsie-and then
jumped off the earth
| Nov. honest. don't you think this tale is
thrilling?)
So swiftly it went flying toward the cerulescent
blue
That's the sky) and he went swiftly trailing
after;
Put a cloud came in between them and the
ghost was lost to view
| Then the poet heard a sound OF raucous
laughter. :.
Did the poet cease his dreaming? Did he wake
up on the floor?
Well--we'd gladly tell you that. but we don't
know it.
So up in the air. we'll leave him and We
snore tuneful srore
| As We tell you that's where you'll find ANY
poet!
"THE Poets Dream" should be punishment
enough for all the recalcitrant contributors
| v no ever cast passing glance at this colyum.
But we must remind you that "the way of the
Itransgressor is hard and that there remains
considerable space to be filled ere the afore-
mentioned bitter end is reached. II you have
! survived thus far but feel bit nauseated, let
us remind you that the statute compelling you
to read this ola podrida has been repealed
| Mat ,iNHae l. nh nla ~io -.
proves better than anything else the low state
OF our mind today.
AFTER scanning our parent sheet for today
| Saturday, you understand it seems pity that
we vowed to write everything in this Catafaloue
o: Criticism. For instance, as we read on the
sport page Dean Snyder's assertion that Jimmy
Dunn. fight manager, hasn't 2 peer in bringing
out budding boxers and few equals" any num-
Der of caustic comments thereon assail our
| citadel OF concrete. Again, our attention is
mcmentarlly arrested by a local movie ad
whicn mas considerable to say about the ire
sistable Royal Philippine String Band" not tn
mention the caption on picture of that or
ganization which refers to the 'Royal Philinino
Band" Had we been writing in our usual vein
To-Day We might have cautioned you not to con-
fuse these gentlemen with the Filipinos as OBJ
viousy they are named for J. Philip Sousa.
Eut OF course we cannot deviate from our an
! nounced intention, so We shall saw nothing
about these matters. -.
HAVING nothing better to do at this moment
Tor nothing worse) we may as we'll insert here
A CABINET LIMERICK.
Said Warren. Il have no idee
What my cabint makeup will be
But my friend Charlie Hughes
l shall certainly use,
For his whiskers are wondrous to see.
THERE 10 only one verso form which il
worse than iimerick-and that is another lin