The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1921-07-15

III uOTH yOu
would" commented the hotelkeeper.
you think you put up fine line of
English when you are talking. You
are satisfied you never make any bad
breaks, so feel safe in saying you
would welcome criticism, but If some
sharp who is wise to all the fancy
curves Of the language came along,
and showed you where you get of, you
wouldn't wiring his hand in an ecstasy
Of gratitude. No, doggone it, you
would climb on his person and discolor
one Of his eyes.
IF there's any man makes me tired
and sore, it's the one who calls me
down when / am speaking a piece, and
tells me | am making Lindley Murray
roll over in his grave. l don't mind If
there are only two of us present at the
time, but when there are innocent by
ISLANDERS around get all worked up
and insist upon q hand to hand con-
hict. No good sport would do such a
thing. II you don't like the way I
talk, you can pass up this hotel when
making your daily rounds. If you
must hand me package of criticism
or admonition, send II by mail. Then
/ can read 1t In the privacy Of my own
bed room, and there won't be anybody
around to raise horse laugh.
MY education was sadly neglected
when l was young. l went to school
only few months and everything 1
learned was wrong, for the teacher
was a farmer who took up educational
work as a recreation when the weather
prevented him from cultivating his
beahs. The little know accumulate
ed by reading the newspapers and a
few dime novels.
consequently am always taking a
fall out Of the language. l never could
wise myself to the fine points of gram
mar, and 1t was only recently / quit
saying I done It, and Il have went
Every now and then an aleck stops me
In the middle of q discourse and shows
me where am wrong, and If there is
any way of getting even with that man
/ always do. There was drummer
for shoe house who used to frequent
this place. / took liking to him, and
always gave him the best room and
saw that his eggs were fresh from the
vines. and looked after his comfort
generally.
"One day was telling him a story,
and he stopped me just when / was
approaching the peroratlon, and began
to explain the difference between
shall and will 1t seemed that al
ways used one of these words when I
should have used the other, and in the
goodness of his heart he explained the
whole business to me. When he had
made everything clear he asked me to
finish my story, but told him, in Bit
ing sort of way, that l might wound
him to the quick by misplacing q few
more words, so I would spare him that
infection.
"Then he saw he was IN bad, and he
began telling me how he always liked
to be corrected, and he took 1t for
granted that others felt the same way
about 1t, and the more he talked the
less use had for him.
He registered here many times aft
er that, always got the worst room in
the house and IL there was a partfcu-
larry tough steak on hand, It went to
him. He tried Ills hardest to square
himself, and was always looking at
me, hoping to see a winning smile on
my chaste lips, but he never got any
thing but the arctic glare, and I sup
pose he's kicking himself, even to this
day, because he made that break. And
il you want to queer yourself with all
your friends, you'll keep up this thing
Of telling people of their mistakes"