The Washington herald., 1921-02-06
The Handbook of Hyman
By 0. Henry

was sitting still on a stool reading
away with kind OF partly soft and
partly mysterious look shining
through his tsnbsrk whiskers.
Idaho" says /, what kind OF 4
book lie yoursT
Idaho must have forgot. too -,
he answered moderate, without spv
slander or mAlignity.
why" says he, this here seem.
to be volume by Homer K. NJ
Homer X NJ. WHAT ! asked
|. Why, just Homer X. M" says h.
You're a liar" says /, a ItffIa
riled that Idaho should try 10 puf
me up a tree. No nan is Foing
round signing books with his init
ials. II it's Homer X NJ. Spooper-
dyke, or Homer X. NJ. McSweeDsv
or Homer X. NJ Jones, why dom
you say so like a man instead -
biting OF the end OF IL like A CAR
chewing OF the tail Of a shirt on =
clOthes-line?"
Il put II to you straight. SANDY"
says Idaho, quiet It's a poem
book" says he, by Homer X. N {
couldn't get color out OF Il at frs-
but there's q vein II you follow &,
up. / wouldn't have missed fhs.
book for a pair Of red blankets"
You're welcome to IT," saws
What I want is a disintereSf.d
statement OF facts for the mind D.
work on and that's what I seem "a
find in the book I've drawn"
What you've got" says Idaho. "I.
statistics, the lowest grade OF In
formation that exists They'll moi
son your mind. Give me old KsNrs
system OF surmises He seems 10 h..
kind Of a wine agent His regurs-
toast is nothing doin.' and he seems
to have a Crouch. but he keens 9.
so well fabricated with booze ths,
his worst kicks sound like an fnvl-
tation to split a quart But it,
poetry" says Idaho. and hsva
sensations OF scorn for that trsck n,
yours that tries to convey sense In
rect ana Inches. When Il comes
to explaining the instinct of pbfIoso-
ply through the art Of nature. Ola
X NJ. has got your man beat nv
drills, rows, paragraphs. chest meas
urement, and average annual rain
fall"
So that's the way me and Idaho
had il. Day and night all the eY-
citement we got was studying our
books. That snowstorm sure fixed
US with a fine lot Of attachments
apiece. BY the time the snow melt
ed. II you had stepped up to me sud
denly and said. "Sanderson Pratt.
what would IL cost per square foot
to lay a roof with twenty hv
twenty-eight tin al nine dollars and
fifty cents per box" I'd have told
you as quick as light could travel
the length Of a spade handle a, m.
rate Of one hundred and NINETY two
thousand miles per second How
many can do it, You wake UP
most any man you know in the
middle OF the night. and ask him
quick to tell you the number -
bones in the human skeleton eK-
elusive Of the teeth. or what per
centaCe Of the vote Of the Nebrsska
Legislature overrules a veto. VIII
he tell you Try him and see
About what beneht Idaho got out
know. Idaho boosted the wine
mouth: but ! wasn't so sure
This Homer X. NJ. from vhs'
leaked out Of his libretto through
Idaho. seemed to me to be 4 kind
OF a dog who looked at life like .
was a tin can tied to his tail After
running himself to death. he sits
down, hangs his tongue out. and
looks at the can and saws.
'rOh. well. since We can't shake
the Erowler. let's get IL filed az the
corner. and all have 2 drink IN me
Besides that. IL seems 10 was 2
Persian; and ! never hear NJ Persia
producing anything worth mention
I ing unless Il was Turkish rugs and
Maltese cats.
That spring me and Idaho struck
pay ore. It was a hahf 0f ours 20
sell out quick and keep moving. We
| Unlosded on our Eruhstaker fr-
$4,000 apiece: and then We d-iftef
down to this little town ~ Rosa.
| on the Salmon River. 10 r,s' u0. and
get some human grub. and han, our
whiskers harvested
Rosa was no minfnE-raU0. T..
laid in the valley. and Was as 'r0"
OF Uproar and pestilence as ono NJ
them rural towns in tho country.
There was a three mile trolley line
Champing its bit in the ,uvIr0ns.
and me and Idaho spent week
riding on one Of the cars dropping
of Of nights al the Suu~sr View
Hotel. Being now well read 9 vel
As ATANelEO. We WAS SHNhl E...
| nsts with the best society In Ross.
and was invited out 10 the ru0~'
| dressed-up and high toned enter
tsinments. It was at a piano 70
cital and qusiI-eatinE contest I'm r'.
city hall, for the benefit ~ Tho fire
company. that me and Idaho frs.
met Mrs. De Ormond Sampson. tE'
queen OF Rosa society.
Mrs. Sampson was a widow ard
owned the only two-story house IN
town. II was painted yellow and
whichever way you looked fr0~ voa
could see il as plain as an r-c ~
the chin Of an O'Grsdy on Fr.
day. Twenty-Five men IN Rosa no
sides me and Idaho was tTH ms 20
stake a Claim~on that yellow Eu->9
There was a dance after the -rT-
Continued on Page 5, Socirty Section.