Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1921-07-13
SHOWED HIM HOW
Mr.. Brown Learned Something
From His Better Half.
OF Course Her knowledge Was Not
Scientific but the Cork Came
Out of That Bottle.

Brown had been puttering around in
the bathroom for a half hour, while
Mrs. Brown grew more and more ner-
VOus. From experience she knew that
trouble was brewing when her lord and
master busted himself about the
house, and she was aware that he WAS
not taking a bath in the middle of
Sunday morning. Presently there came
crash of glass falling into the por-
ceiain tub, and Mrs. Brown was glad
that the children had not yet returned
from Sunday school.
"What is the matter? Can | help
you, dear?" Mrs. Brown called bright
ly. For reply Brown came into the
living room and stared at his better
half with an expression IN which pa
tient suffering. rage, mockery and sus-
picion were nicely blended. In his
hand, says the New York Sun, he held
bottle, empty, except for cork that
had been pushed inside.
mo, you cannot help me-" he de-
clared bitterly. when did you ever
help me? To satisfy your inordinate
curiosity | will say that am get
ting the cork out of this bottle. and,
having the innate masculine qualities
of determination and inventfveness. /
will accomplish this seemingly impos-
sible task, and your little plan TO an
noy me will fall through OF course
| know that you deliberately pushed
the cork down into this bottle, though
how you guessed that | would wish TO
use this particular flask l haven't yet
taken the trouble TO figure out.
Il presume that even you know that
heat expands an article? Very well,
then; all that is necessary is to heat
the neck of this bottle until it expands
and then shake out the cork. Have
you the frankness to admit that that
would never have occurred to you? ~
mo, | do not think that would have
occurred TO me" Mrs. Brown answered.
"You see, l am afraid that glass is diff
ferent from metal in respect to re-
spending to temperatures, and, be-
sides, it seems to me that If you make
the glass expand it will expand in
ward as well as outward and so real
ly make the opening in the neck of
the bottle smaller. Now, what I'd
do would be to-"
Never mind what you'd do" retort-
ed Brown. You have sufficiently DEM
onstrated your ignorance for once.
In few minutes | will show you the
ho,orV rac,,Ite ,,,bo, sofnn+fGo l-.o,,.l
edge and ingenuity go hand in hand"
Whereupon he stalked out to the
kitchen, and Mrs. Brown heard him
lighting the gas stove. A few minutes
later there was howl of anguish from
the kitchen.
scientific and~all right" she sOothed,
as she applied a cooling lotion TO the
thumb and finger that had incautious-
~ grasped the hot bottle, but, after
all, It would be so much simpler to-"
"Oh, l suppose you are going to pre-
tend that you could get that cork SUIT
without even trying" Brown snarled.
well, let me see you do itr
why, of course If you wish me TO,
dear" Mrs. Brown responded sweetly.
She took a small but strong cord, tied
a large knot In the end, dropped the
knot into the bottle. turned the bottle
upside down, and shook it little IN
til the cork joggled down in to the
neck, the knot in the cord being be-
hind the cork. Then she gave the
cord strong. steady pull, and the
cork came out with plOpl ut is
really easy, you see, DEAR" she said
mildly.