Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1921-09-14
MY MUSTACHE
BY VIVIAN c. BURBANK.
sse SSSSSS SggSSggSSSeSgSSgSg


Il took three years to raise the
thing the way I wanted 1t. Natural
~ l was attached TO il and was proud
OF my achievement.
When the folks back home said fat
~ IL couldn't be done, knew il could
and proved i'll
Whatever possessed me to part with
IL Is beyond me.
i stepped nearer the glass and
looked closely al my upper lip.
Not trace Of my beloved mustache
remained. The barber certainly had
done a good job.
To be frank, l wasn't exactly
pleased with the effect. l had been
on the road for over year and this
was my first trip home In that time.
Yes, that's him, all right" The
next thing l knew a hand grasped my
shoulder. Turning, confronted a big
burly COP!
whats the big ideay' / asked.
You're under arrest"
Under arrestY stammered.
what for"
"All right for you. Jim oDayl You
tell your little story to your wife.
here"
looked stupidity at the woman who
stepped up In front OF me-
why, hang IL all, officer, l never
had wife"
That's all right, but you just come
with me and tell it to the chief"
SAY, who in Sam Hin do you take
me fory"
Lost your memory, ehg" sneered
the woman.
You're all wrong, my man, this is
an outraged
ut wasn't an outrage when you left
your wife. was it,"
You're mad. woman. Great guns.
can't you tell your own husbandg"
THAT can" screamed the woman.
Already we were the center Of a curl
Gus mob.
''See, that's my husband and that
pictures you"
And neither did II OF course I be-
gan then 20 see light. burst out
laughing. slapped the officer ON the
back goOd-naturedly, and said:
zone on you. old man. l may re-
semble this picture; you see. I've worn
a mustache up 20 an hour ago"
"How long did you own mus
tache?' asked the woman, sarcastically.
"For just about three years, up TO
an hour ago"
"Ha, ha! You should have kept the
thing. Just three years ago the third
OF this month my Jim cleared out"
you're n sly one" grinned the fat
cop. "That gag Is as old as your
grandmother" ] was furious. More
up TO the curb. turned TO the wom-
an, and shaking my fist at her. told
her in a few words just what thought
OF her.
you'd better be careful what you
say. boss. What you say generally
goes against YOU"
/ climbed into the wagon, followed
by that lunatic Of n woman, and the
officer. He was sizing me up in good
shape.
"'Nother womang" he asked under
his breath.
II tell you there's no woman. That
maniac sitting there is no more my
wife than you are"
maniac. am II" She began TO rave
worse than ever.
You're a fine man. you are. You're
a fine man 20 be the father Of eight
darlings."
Eight darllngs be hanged" l thun
dered.
"Pooh-you know well enough, Jim,
the baby-iust wait until you see him.
First I'm his class he is. And Charlie
has n swell Job at the box factory.
Kate Is some piano player. Gets $40
n week down 10 Flam's movies. II you
want 10 do the right thing, Jim, I'll
tell the boss it's sorry l am ever
had YOU pinched, and Wen forget IL
all"
swm you keep that trap OF yours
closed for five minutesp l shrieked
at her.
Il will not" she yelled back at me,
shaking her fist. You're just the
same old brute you always were
Here we are, boss"
Believe me / was some glad 10 get
out. / was led up the steps of the
station house.
Tie door opened; / stood up and
faced The chief
"Jim Harrison, what the dickens
are you doing hereT
There. now. you heard me call JIM
didn't your piped up the woman IN
n shrin voice. TRY TO tell me | don't
know my own husband"
For once luck was with mel Funny
hadn't heard Billy Wayland had
been made chief.