davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
We TOWNE GOSSIP
1AgistseeA q. Z HaAsa
X. G.. B.

Dear X. C. B.-I wonder If it would be
interesting to you to know about the only
other Kenneth C. Beaton * C. b. I ever
knew. 90.
A waster, an adventurer, sailor Of the
seven seas-he was touched with the wander
lust, and wherever he is now know that he
isn't satisfied. He came into my life by land
ing at my feet after being thrown from
pub" during drunken brawl in England, and
went out Of it when he wrung my very
bloody hand and wished me the "best o.
luck" as / was being carried away from the
front by four "Fritxie" prisoners, Just after
an attack in those dark days Of 1918. We
served with the Canadians.
He is gone and may never see him
again, but every day when I read your little
column I think Of him and seem to feel
that last handclasp, and it makes me wish
somehow that / were "out there" again.
With all his faults, this other K. C. B. was a
real man under his devil-may-care exterior,
and it is pleasant to know that this new X.
C. B., whose column l follow so ardently,
has the virtues and not the vices Of my
friend.
tb.uk Won T. r. q
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
Ten Thousand Milli0ns---
When Do We Get It.?

IDENTITIES and surrendering ships
and colonies to Germany if we had
not let them have our money and
men.
For them and their subsidized or
ignorant apologists here at home to
begin now to talk of cancellation or
reputation of their debt to us is
something more than mere aims
begging.
1t is base ingratituda
1t is exactly as if the man who
fell among thieves and was taken
up and tenderly cared for by the
Good Samaritan had subsequently
attempted to pick the Good Samari-
tan's pocket.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
Of Interest
TO WOrkmen
are interested in

" this. 1t seems that railroad
- shop rules made it necessary
to call in six mechanics, in order to
change a nozzle tip in the front of
locomotive.
One sixteen-year-old boy could
have done. it alone. A boiler maker
and his helper had to open the door,
only boiler makers could touch the
door of the BOILER.
A pipeman and his helper had to
remove the blower pipe, that is
PIPEMAN'S work.
A machinist and his hel per had to
remove the tip. And the six men
had to be used to shut the door and
put back the pipe.
This system was built up under
Government control, partly because
the employees of private owners left
in charge of the railroads wanted
the Government control to fail. They
encouraged every stupidity.
The thing is mainly due, however,
to the folly of workmen, unable to
realize that all any workman ever
gets in this world is what SOME
OTHER WORKMAN PRODUCES,
or to realize that when workmen
plan to waste their labor or cut down
production they attack the pros
perity of the entire working class.
We cheat ourselves when we think
we are cheating others.
No one knows better than the
railroad worker what has been done
in the last few years to cut down.
labor's productiveness.
Every railroad man has seen the
gangs of laborers moving so slowly
that you could hardly see them
move. Every railroad man knows
how earnestly the effort was made
to put TWO men where one could
nave done the work.
For all that nonsense, the WORK
MEN will pay.
The only road to prosperity for
worsmen is to MAKE A DAYS
WORK VALUABLE AND PRO
DUCTIVE TO THE MAXIMUM,
and at the same time, fight to get
GOOD PAY for good work.
Any man who thinks he is cheat
ing his employer is cheating the
public and himself, by cutting down
the value of one unit in the popu-
lation.
Any fool knows that the total
wealth and prosperity of a country
must depend on the TOTAL PRO-.
DUCTION OF THE LABOR OF
THAT COUNTRY.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
11EARl. 55EEn -
YOUR TOMBSTONE EPIrAPH.

The fans are the best sports in
the world. Let's see IL they ara
good enough sports to write q
little warning to others" verse
about themselves that would be
appropriate on their tombstones
IL they suddenly went West
I'm game enough to star. in with
this one, which my friends say
would be very appropriate:
Wide open drove Commander k
Wherever he went on his merry vav
HIS old Simplex was awfuily fast
The chaplain said: All nesh is grass's
DESTROYER.
Commander X. Is noted
flyer in the Navy.)
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
Dust in Mines.

Tho presence OF dust in mines is dsagreeable
from many standponts, besides being positive
menace from its explosive qualities Efforts are
being made more than ever tc keep the mine dust
down. and II has been discovered In the case OF
one mine in Kentucky that excellent results ere
obtained by sprinkling the empty coal cars. The
operation Is performed automatically as the cars
are moved along after being dumped and the dif-
ference in the atmosphere of the mine 10 sppar-
ent to all
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
INVENTIONS.

Yeast was invented in tbs
year 'leven; gambling in the year
won; pianos In the year forte:
aestheticism in the year two: this
German negative in the year
nein. and free lunches In the year
ate- 0A111k
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
n wfu sosn be fmpeauAo, q,
mark tho sale price q wsunsn1
clothes IN plain flguroA Ssoanss
. prsos tag would cover Nd toe
much of the dnss.
W. WALTER

~DonH you think Shs vsafhee
vaner-
"It may b. The wind always soss
around blowing
PHoroPLAx.
This Joke about prohibition de-
serves tho celluloid fork: 'T went
into hotel and asked for a Manhat-
tan cocktail, but the Manhattant
any" SWEET PATOOTIE.
Republican-Why didn't the ground
hog come out to see his shadow this
year7
Democrat-He was afraid the Re-
publican administration might put
something else in his place.
FNL q.
A number of fans state that the
answer to H SMITHS poem. Guess
This Onef" is the letter Fl" and
that is correct Among those whs
answer are ROUSE. q. T. A.. w. s. T.,
and II. A It.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
ANOTHER FOR CALENDAR
SHARKS.

Here's one for calendar sharks:
WHAT'S the earliest and the latest
dates that Easter comes between
now and the year 1000? Name
the years. CATSPAW.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
WHAT THEY'LL WEAR,

"CY CoRNTASSEL--So many ef
us taR about wearing douXhnuts
April II may be . good idea for ~
to save the holes In ths douxhnutA
1 understand that II you collect 5000
holes youn get . nne waahtnh TN
oner . handsome emhe046ored p0cksA
knife for 1000 douGhnmk Aoa.aI UEno-
ped In blue siIk.
West Vhxinians WIN an wear nufA
April 4: some OF them donghnnfn
CONSTANT READER-% Ouro sA
going to wear q nut S8 SuuDs kfnA IN
honor Of the q. o. c.
"S "a necklace e pannnez =
dressed ND IN favendse, n1r uA
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
Fish That Build Nests.

Tho stickleback fish builds nest of straw,
sticks, etc. small hole is made and the eggs
are placed inside to hatch. Curiously enough,
II is the father sticklebsck who has to guard
them while the mother takes her leisure
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

minor countries like Belgium
and Serbia and Rumania and
Czecho-Slovakia owe us about ten
thousand million dollars.
The English boast that they came
out of the division of war loot with
over thirty thousand million dollars
worth of ships, colonies, protecto-
rates, mandates and markets.
The national wealth of Great
Britain was estimated at $130, ,0O0,-
100000 in 1917 in Parliament by
minister of the crown.
The French estimate that they got
$4,000, ,0O0, 900 worth of war loot in
the way of ships, German territories
and coal and iron fields, colonies,
protectorates, mandates, railway
equipment, machinery, cattle, goods
and gold The national wealth of
France is estimated at $92, 2,5O0,OOO,-
600 in 1920.
The minor countries which owe us
money have all greatly increased
their territories and their national
wealth as the result of victory in
the war.
If we had not loaned the allies the
ten thousand million dollars they
owe us, and if we had not followed
this up with the reinforcement of
our navy and four million men, the
Germans would have beaten the al
lies, as the allies declared when we
went into the war.
Now, then, since England and
France alone have obtained more
than fifty thousand million dollars
worth of war loot-NOT including
the huge cash indemnity they are
demanding of Germany-it is pretty
small business for them to make a
poor mouth when we ask for the
repayment of the money we loaned
them to make their victory possible.
They ought to pay us what they
cwe us, and pay it when it is due.
They claim that defeated and dis
nembered Germany can pay them
End must pay them one and half
billion dollars yearly.
The national wealth of Germany is
now under eighty billion dollars.
The combined national wealth of
England and France is about two
hundred and twenty-five billion
dollars.
If Germany can pay. these two ma
tions one and a half billion dollars
year, then they can surely pay us one
billion dollars a year.
That would wipe out their debt to
lis before the principal of our largest
issue of Liberty bonds becomes due,
and in the meantime would pay the
interest on all our war bonds. Then,
with the promised economies of the
new Administration and the revenue
rom the new tariffs, we could
abolish the war taxation which is
weighing us down, discouraging
business and production, producing
: unemployment and cutting down the
standard of the workers wages and
living. u.
Both France and England are
spending hundreds of millions on
military and naval armament and
upon expeditions and wars and
schemes of conquest and aggrandize-
&lent.
Imperialism and militarism are as
rampant in London and Paris as
ever they were in Vienna or Berlin.
We spent our money and our men
fought to bring peace to the world.
The French and British imperial
:n,c ooJ ,x,,1,%or:e xoxu @bo@ o..
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
PUZZLES AND PROBLEMS.

Tho fans found in the line puxx3e
Of JOHN RASMUSSEN the names
IONA STILL" OSUIILEABHAIN.
srHARPER'S FERRY" MILO H. and
.IMA NUT" Answers by SAMUEL
LEVIN, PEPPERMINT" w. BARK
Err, ERNEST DEITz, HELEN H.
PAULINE STIRISS, "EAGI.E PASS
MARGIE, LITTLE MINISTER" Mrs
& oUIGG, ~STENO-TEBO CLUB"
WICKED EYES" CROUCH"
The answer to the problem of JULES
BACKHEIMER In that Joe had $S and
Bill had 81 SO find HAZEL H AR
MOLD, JOHN L. MANNING. JOE
LYNCH. EDDIE RICKENBACHER."
DOROTHY GILLIGAN. e. p and
ANOTHER NUT"
The local buildings in the anagram
puzxle of an. u. CONFER" were Pat
emf Office, Colorado, Washington
Monument, Pension Office, Army-Navy.
Raleigh Hotel Bachrach. Peoples
Drug stores. Lixgett's. MILTON
RoJJZEE. L. ]. c.. NJ. A. H. and Others
solved the puzzle.
A postal card from JOHN 3.
SHEPLEY, at Port-au-Prince, H9th.
u. s. Marine headquarters, says that
ha would rather be a Zephyr ON F
street than a Hurricane" where he
is he sends regards to TOM
GRANT, HARRY KING snd other
friends.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
ALL GETTING THE BUG.

Bill. I never realized this nut
anair for All Fools Day was go
ing to become SO popular. / must
get In line, too, and wear a nut.
Arthur J. Fitzgerald. who is out
West in the aviation corps, wrote
me that he viii be wearing q nut
and any Of the fans who happen
to be flying around in the clouds
might be on tho lookout for him.
He is well acquainted with the
High Sim.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

Most all of our Washtngton
~Janes" could give the League OF
Nations . few tips regarding the
handling Of "man"-dates.
WEST VIRGINIA.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

There would be more
Russian victories II tho
winners didn't follow up
the defeated boys and get
'em mad. But you don't
have to go to Russia to
battle. Returns from tae
front indicate that the
Oklahoma gal, who put tho
croak on an Oklahoma gem
tleman, wound up q stylish
day in court by kissing the
jury.
Now. that's going 10
start a fine Bolshevik mess
out in Oklahoma. She may
have peppered her victim
in self-defense. But she
didn't kiss that Jury in
self-defense. That's out
What are those twelve
men, good and true, going
to buzz their dozen wives
when they get home?
whatever they say, 1t
probably means twelve
more assassinations in Ok
lahoma. -
This ga bombarded one
home, sweet home loose
from his hinges. Then she
starts the silk worms to
working on twelve more.
There should be a law COM
pelling jurors to eat onions
or wear muzzles. II kissing
the jury Is to be the spring
fashion, what chance would
a Long Island henroost
robber have?
The jury In a lady
killers's trial generally
stays out about thirty min
utes and dances back with
a verdict Of Not SO Guilty.
They use up the thirty
minutes in shining the
shoes, washing their faces.
and brushing their hair.
All in the hopes that the
beautiful killer will wig
wag them her telephone
number.
The jury that kisses q
flapper thug probably en-
Joys the trial more than
the jury in the Ponxi case.
OF course, all the folks
were properly introduced.
But IL the jury Is wise.
they will allow the flirta-
ton to drop right there.
It's dangerous out in Okla
homa, which Is a State
where bullets are trumps
and msrkmanship ls Q ie-
cision-
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

In days gone BY wise man said.
Il am the captain Of my soul"
NY ~lfes tie c.ptsiS Of T my rSii-
HAROLD p. STODDANp.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
HOW MANY LAPS?

A maiden entered q crowded car
And firmly grasped a strap,
And every time they hit a bump
She sat on . different lap.
The bumps came thicker. the joitin'
TIL at last she sasped. with q smile.
will somebody kindly tell mo. please,
How many laps to = milef"
TORRINGTON.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

Near Chain Bridge this sign
IL displayed: Don't wash IN
the spring" I suppose we gotta
wait till summer.
JOE and TOM.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

Authorities have ruled that
liquor can be placed In mince
pies. hut if We had the liquor
We wouldn't walt for the pies
IONA FORD.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
EAlMoN 0 SUILLEABHAN.

1 saw . man the other night with
. nut ON the lapel of his coat, and
he was reading Heard and Seen in
The Times. ROBERT SPURRIER
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

Then the enemy sur
rounded Trotsky's army so
successfully that not one of
the enemy escaped. A Rus
sian victory Is q very du-
bious fragment of strategy.
They chase each other too
far. II you pursue a man
too far you are bound to
catch up to him.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
EATING THOSE APPLES.

"JEK- made q wonderful estimate
Of the apples eaten by Adam and
Eve, but it falls far short
we all agree that Eve, when she
1882 many. and was sorry for IT,
40 Adam, when he s1S1242+0fy Ewes
depressed spirits, making total OF
s1s,20s,0s2. M B. ID.
Ashes to asheA
Dust to dust
II the q. o. c. doesn't get this
The waste-basket must.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
Mr.. B. Baer
OUT IN OKLAHOMA.

Fighting Is as inexpen-
sive as ever over In the
land of exported caviar and
refugees. Trotsky led an
army Of ferocious whiskers
across the ice and captured
so many of the enemy that
he had to surrender to
them
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
uAPPKR FOOD.

Half Of the girls are married
70 the wrong men-the other half
arc about to be-
with 4 man there's always two
rirls-the one he's engaged to
and the one he wishes he were
Nothinr makes q chap feel 70
foo,,sh a q girl laughing at him
Nothinr makes him act SO foolish
a. a girl looking at him
RICHARD FORD.
.so,,4o. II good morning IN Japanese
~phfi.delphia. IL good night In the
United States.
Carbolio acid L. good-by IN any
,.~nsge. CHEERUPADIST.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19
WHO WON THE wARs

Experts will be busy for several
years in an effort to determine
tho winner of the World War.
but any ordinary boob" should
be able to pick tho loser IL he'd
study his "voistead." compare
our taxes with those OF other ma
tions, or take . peep into the
Treasury's Golfers. empty, save for
q big scoopful Of L o. U.'A
HARPERH FERRY.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

l am a shut in from rheumatism,
but derive a great deal Of pleasure
from your column. MRS. A N.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

j. e. G..
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

thank you.
The Washington times., 1921-03-19

The Boss-How old are you, miss?
Applicant for job haSen't reached
twenty yet
CHEERUPADISL
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Wisconsin Leading Eleven
in Big Ten Football Race

CHICAGO. Oct. 30.-IIalf way point In
the Western conference football season
finds four elevens swinging into the
championship struggle with even chances
of gaining the title. Wisconsin, Ohio
State, Chicago ana Iowa are unde-
feated and picking the probable sur
vivor is extremely difficult.
Saturdays games were rather color
less. Wisconsin's $50 victory over Min
nesota being perhaps little more one
sided than predicted, and Michigan's 8
TO margin over Illinois closer than
some had expected. None of the games
affected the championship race other
than to strengthen the conviction that
the fight will prove so close that only
the breaks are likely to decide IL.
One Of the most important games OF
the season will come next Saturday
here at Stagg Field when Ohio State
and Chicago will meet Ohio rested
Saturday in preparation for this battle
while Chicago. after its strenuous fight
with Princeton the week previous needed
only substitutes to overwhelm Colorado.
35 to 0. Both teams will be at their
full strength, barring scrimmage acci-
dents this week, and backers of neither
eleven are willing to give Odds
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
THE LISTENING POST
By WALTER TRUMBULL
Copyright. 1921. by The Neao York Herald.
THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.


THE HEAVY ARTILLERY
IN 8 the
concerned and uni
versites wheeling their artillery ntoac
the Tigers battle with
attention but football
interesting which
soldiers Of the efficiency
In that spacious enclosure
worlds baseball
husky Nebraska
Yale opponent Maryland
There is at least
cago Is scheduled to
get by
agsregaons its section Of the
middle
Minnesota which has not
Although dnds sceoh
still ucant slam that mill
as
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Harvard'S Setback and
COrneITS Rise Surprise
Crimson Appears Played Out and Stale Against Centre
-Ithacans Astonish by Overwhelming Dartmouth
Yale and Princeton Show Football Progress
BY DANIEL.
+ AWARDS stunning setback by

AWARDS Centre and Cornes staggering
of a
O
astonishing
the OF
on the gridiron
brilliant a
mediocre
Yaaes splendid comeback
n" Ellis had been expected to
trcngh which developed
see counted but big
1gan and Jefferson the surprising
Of
oSon College
vded plenty
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
HOLYOKE HOLDS
NEW YORK TO A TIE
Gray's Work in Goal Saves
New England Soccers in
ScOreless League Game.

Thanks to exceptional work on the
part Of the visiting goalkeeper, w. Gray
OF Holyol.e, Mass. the Falco Football
Club succeeded in escaping defeat at
the hands Of the New York Football
Club in the American Soccer League
game at New York Oval yesterday after
noon. With New York doing most Of
the pressing and time and again endan-
gering their opponents goal. Gray was
the man equal to every eventuality. and
thereby earned the generous plaudits Of
the large crowd.
The fine defence of the New Eng
landers impressed the onlooKcrs SO
forcibly that most OF the latter We're
not displeased when penalty kick
given against Mctechnie for inadverter-
fouling in scrimmage, was shot to one
side by Kelly of New York. The homo
forwards We're one and all in splendid
trim, but luck in conjunction with Gray's
impenetrability was against them. The
final score New York, O.; Falco F. c., 0.
The lineup:
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Danville Celebrates Centres
Big Victory Over Harvard

DANvrLLE, KY. Oct. 3o.--Danville has
had riot of enthusiasm brewing in its
system for a year. II got II out hast
night. The victory of Ole Centre over
the warriors of Harvard. s to 0. was the
excuse. II. indeed. an excuse was needed.
The town, worked UP to frenzy over
the prospects OF their pets turning on
the Crimsons this year. let 60, wfSoop.
shout and yell when the news was
flashed over the wires that the fondest
OF hopes had been realized.
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Rowdies Struck Harvard
Players After Defeat

~ OSTON. Oct. so. - Cowardly
r. rowdies attacked the Harvard
- football players as they were
leaving the field after yesterdays
defeat by Centre. The weary men
were showed and jostled about and
foul epithets heaped upon their heads.
"Tubby" Grew was struck in the
face and Buell., the quarterback, was
also assaulted Tack" Hardwick,
former All America star. came to
their rescue and put the attackers to
rout.
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Phillipson Betters Record
in Pastimess Road Run

Clipping ] minute and 81 2-5 sec
onds off his own record for the course,
Oscar Phillipson won the four and a
half mile handicap road run for mem-
bers of the Pastime A. c. decided over
the Elk's trail in the Bronx yesterday.
Phillipson. who started from scratch,
caught his field after racing three miles
and crossed the finish line two hun
dred yards in front of Bernard J. Nc
Gam. who beat Frank Haggman for
the place by fifty yards.
Summary -.
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
LEGE FOOTBALL REVIEW ROAD RAGING BOXING
Bouts of the Week.
TONIGHT.

TONIGHT.
Freeport AuditOrium-Bobby Michaels vs..
Kid Sullivan.
Broadway Exhibition Ass0ciation-Andy
CLANCY VS.. Freddie Jacks.
TUESDAY NIGHT.
Madison Square Garden-Midget Smith
vs.. Barry Hill; Eddie Anderson vs..
George Leei Morris Lux VS.. Marty
Summers: Mickey Brown vs. Joe Leo
WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
Pioneer Sporting Club-Louis Bogash vs..
Augie Rather.
Hunts Point Sporting .Club--Sol seeman
vs.. Harry Nelson.
THURSDAY NIGHT.
Columbus Sporting Club. Yonkers-Red
Monroe vs.. Eddie Fletcher.
Jamaica Sporting Club-Tilly Herman vs..
Young Hoffman.
1OeD Medical Regiment-Rabe Sullivan
VS.. Danny Fields.
FRIDAY NIGHT.
Madison Square Garden-Harry Greb VS..
Charlie Welnert; Fay Keiser vs.. Young
Bob Fttxsimm0ns; Eddie O'Haro vs..
Hugh Walker; Charlie Beecber vs.. Vim
walker N Sporting Club-wiIIie Crystal VS..
fifteenth Armory-wee Wee Barton VS..
FRY Mitchell.
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Ascension Kickers Win.

In game replete with brilliant play
ing and stubbornly contested from start
to finish the football team OF Ascen-
sion Parish House defeated the eleven
OF st. Jeromes Football club Mt Gem
trail Park yesterday. The score was 6
to 0. Tho single toushdown WAS made
by Carroll. halfback. by ten yard run
In the second quarter. The lineup
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
BAT MAsTERSoN.


mans
In in men
would
Without he
land where
would wish remembered
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Harrison ~.
Other Sunday Soccer Scores.

Catholic Club, 5; Flushing, 0.
Brooklyn st. George, 2 Hebrew Sport
Club, 0.
Tyrconnell Celts, .: Franco-Swiss, 1.
Steinway L. c., 1: Calpe Americans. I.
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Falco r. q.
Todds Down Fan River.

The Todd Shipyards soccer team gained
somewhat on their rivals in the Ameri-
can Soccer League yesterday by defeat
ing Fall River United by the score OF 6
goals to 2 at Todd Field in Brooklyn
yesterday. The lineup:
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
Todd Shipyaris "a,
Soccer Tie mt Harrison.

Soccer teams representing the Harri-
son Football Club and the ]. & p. Coats
Football Club of Pawtucket, r. L.,
battled to ii tie in the American
Soccer League fixture at Harrison
n. j.. before 5000 persons yesterday.
Both goals came before ends were
changed. the second half being scoreless.
The lineup:
The New York herald., 1921-10-31
AS TO NUMBERS.

One Of the
Oh rev Iooba eevens
men who will
a
possible harm numbers be to
hey formations
and little good they
cuted play VIII
- - -
had really deceptive man
other all
when
little undecided, n a is fatal
is the same theory that
bung enough times establish
and then
After Of
Football like or force
applied
defence