Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-07-07
The Windmill

| Will you please SEM the NOt-WateT
bag by parcels post, as it gets very
cold at night. You haven't made the
bed up for two weeks. all the dishes
in the house are piled in the sink and
there is nothing in the ice-b box to
make Sunday bearable except some
boiled potatoes left over from Thurs
day, and the end of a slice of fried
ham which has lost it's date and is
! beginning to resent it. So you de-
| eide to run down to Kittywink over
| the weekend.
The ride down the bay Is wonder
full. The transfer to the cars is easy
and pleasant. Only, just as the train
starts 1t suddenly occurs to you that
I you left your new 3s4s5 light over
coat on the boat. The three hour ride
to Kittywink is spent composing q
telegram to the Trustin Providence
Navigation Company, identifying your
coat and explaining that 1t Is right
OH canvas chair half way up the
forward deck on the left side by the
radiator. At Kittywink Station you
discover the telegrapher is week.
ending In the city. but you can either
forward the telegram by mail or wait
till he returns on Monday.
| 1t is quite chilly in Kittywink, es-
| pecfally In an open jitney. The charge
for the hve-rninute ride to the Kitty
wampus Hotel ts a dollar and a half.
So you avoid tipping the driver for
fear of compromising a felony. I'm
fortunately, the Kittywampus Hotel
Is full. The clerk thinks, or at least
lcondescends to remark. that they
might take you at the Cattypawpaw
House. You don't know it yet, but
they call this place the Paw House
for short. You drag your suit case
four blocks around to 1t and learn
with grateful heart that they have
one room left at IS without meals.
One of the 'pawpers negotiates your
suitcase up the four flights and you
relieve his poverty to the extent of
so cents. The room, unicelIular at
fair. was perhaps originally a part Of
the ventilating system. but evidently
hasn't been used for that purpose for
( some time. But it has bed. Later in
the evening you discover the deriva-
ton Of the phrase bedrock
! OF course, you are late to dinner.
so that there Is nothing much Left
I but corned beef hash It has been ex-
posed to the air, however and has a
good salty flavor. You do not care for
the dancing after dinner down In the
cellar. and 80 stroll out to see (for
| so cents) a. monster man-eating
shark caught according to the lectur-
er. just outside of the life lines, and
yiew { for dollar and half) a
movie entitled ''Terrors OF the Deep"
| All night long at the Paw House
you fight man. eating sharks, which
turn out in the morning to have been
MOSQUITOES which couldn't get out
thru the screen. After breakfast (cod-
fish balls, well saIted). you wander
down to the boardwalk and aimlessly
purchase knitted necktie which
lyour wife wouldn't let you wear to
her mother In laws funeral and a
souvenir oyster she'll with sick
kitten painted on 1t.
| You sit in the sand awhile until
your shoes get full Of 1t. About II, not
having located any maneatfng sharks,
you decide to take a dip. The bathing
suit you are allowed to wear (for a
dollar and a half) hnniIiates you and
you rush wholly unprepared light into
the shtvery drink. The first breaker
stuns you, the second you swallow,
and during your argument with the
! third the guard swinss out, soaks you
In the Jaw when you blub-blub a
protest at being pinched. pulls you
| out on the beach and hangs you over
q log to drip. Eventually you totter
thru the gazing crowd Of Kittywink-
ers and after some argument, having
shed your bathing check in about 70
fathoms, replevin your clothes again.
| The luncheon menu at the Paw
| House-hors d'oeuvres, raspberry
jelly and salt Understandings you to
"a decision. Remembering the fate OF
Lots wife, you daren't even look
back, but Just hand over the rest Of
Tyour money and beat it on the 1:15
for the city. On the boat you learn
definitely that you never even owned
an overcoat. But by this time you
don't care-you are on your way to
a square meal at Toms place on
Seventeenth street, where, they know
Eyou and even trust you for q bottle of
/ three star.
| During Sunday you sweat the salt
out Of you by reading THE Educa-
ton of Henry Adams and finishing
the cold boiled potatoes.
| On Monday you return hrislsly to
the office. When they ask you how
you liked Kittywink. you just smile.
roll your eyes mysteriously and
murmur: "Oh, boy! That's the life!"
| Judging by the frequency with
which they quit work, the longshore-
men have decided to become the So
tIongshoremen.
| THE MODERN DIoGENEs.
Where Is:
The swimmer who'll admit the
waters cold?
| The manager who'll concede he has
no chance for the pennant?
The political candidate who doesn't
Insist he will be victorious? -
| The husband who'll admit he has
a meek and obedient wife?
I The mother who'll confess her sons
q trifle Backward?
| Candidates for office who moan
about the arduousness Of the cam
paign don't know what they have to
be grateful for. They might be
campaigning in Ireland.
And think how much less pep the
presidential selections would get into
their speeches II they were running
for chief executive OF Mexico.
| \GIDEON TIPE.
Gideon Tipe was an editor bold,
] Who kept himself safe from all
| harm.
When anything happened he'd type
write a piece
| Beginning I'VE view with alarm"