Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-01-08
TH1NKoGRApHs.

Ss~AA w ooA ing OSdilS, tHey are SIFlIlS-
ing you.
If boy isn't rough on clothes, his
parents should consult a physician.
You can't talk all the time, if you
hope to give correct imitation Of
knowing it all.
Some people are selfish at heart,
and others are selfish at stomach.
kissing is poor sport unless both
parties are interested in the perform
ance.
Common sense probably will never
become as common as the lack of it.
Climbing the ladder is only half the
battle: one can't sleep en- any of the
rounds.
Diplomatic language seems to con-
sist in saying one thing ard meaning
another.
Father Time, decrepit as he ap-
pears in cartoons, is the worlds cham
pion pugilist.
If human beings sprang from nlcl-
keys, maybe the monkeys sprang frosA
Bolsheviks.
There is more doubt as to whether
the motorcycle is vehicle or a deaf
ly weapon.
A busy man may envy loafers, but
ne does not want to be bothered by
them.
Don't kick if your plate in a res
taurant seems damp. That is probably
your portion of soup.
An Irish spinster s2ys the man she
will marry hasn't been born yet, and
his mother is dead.
About all some men ever get out of
life is steady work.
There are a good many frenziei
financiers on the first day of every
month";
The question is not how much wages
the other fellow wants, but how much
money can you raise.
Anyone who has lived in a small
town can tell you the great, heart
less city will never corner the sin sun
ply.
An optimist looks at an oyster and
expects a pearl. A pessimist looks
at an oyster and expects ptomaine
poisoning.
Too much of a good thing won't do.
A family with four clocks in the house
never knows what time it is.
1t is a lucky man who becomes
spenc'aless with anger. Usually man
gets mad and says things he regrets
IS soon as he cools off.
A connoisseur is one who can fig
ure out why meerschaum pipe is
S4.95 better than a cob pipe.
Don't be discouraged if some peo-
pie critlcisc you. A lot of people are
even displeased with the Lord.
A few men are controlled by the
conscience, while fear and wives keep
others on the straight and narrow.
A dispatch tells of man sai !. his
wife for divorce because she hasn't
spoken to him for six months. He's
foolish. He'll never get another wife
like that.
To the pure ali things are pure is
large chunk of flapdoodle.
Women overestimate the danger
there is that their husbands will be
stolen.
The rule is that an official report
tells something everyone knew.
AS rule children believe in the
stork longer than they do in Santa
Claus.
A gold brick always shines the
brightest just before you grab it.
They never hang up the standing
room only sign at a prayer meeting.
Romance probably is the most APP
proved method Of getting into trou-
| BILE.
The mere fact that you fall in love
is no sign you are going to stav there
The average boy realizes there are
lot more than ten commandments
| One can't judge the patriotism OF
some men by the size of their flags.
A woman is always willing to econ
omize by having her husband quit
smoking.
The safest bet probably is that a
good looking woman won't be con-
victed when accused.
Neither will the women ever have
any monopoly on the matter of talk
ing too much.
Those yet unborn should be advised
not to.
Old H. l.. C. won't even sign an
armistice.
Democracy is fierce-nobody to
look up to or down on.
Fiction: Capital, labor and the peo-
pie enjoying peace.
There were no American atrocities,
except the short skirt.
Little boys won't like heaven If it
has soap and water.
Small men do great things, and
great men do small things.
| To trade: Inside vest pocket for any
old thing.
Our frenzied financiers are lot Of
doughnuts.
| The upkeep is high on autos and
children.
The recent high winds were not all
political.