Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-04-07
LIES BAEDEKER.

every one does. Keep to the right
along the road to yesterday past the
children's playground and you will
come to School street. You may care
to linger awhile in maiden lane, an
attractive little by-way lined with
wonderful shade trees on which
many generations have cut their
initials.
At this stage of your journey turn
into the straight and narrow path. as
the royal road to learning has been
closed for some years. Eventually
you will find yourself In the business
section, near the money market II
you are interested in columns you
will have to pass thru Grub street
Watch for the stepping stones and
try to climb the ladder Of success.
II you follow the beaten track you
will doubtless fnd yourself in lovers
lane where you arc expected to keep
to the side-by- sidewalk. This turns
into the bridal path and ends in the
loop. Thence take the ferry for the
state Of matrimony. You have now
reached the cross roads, near the
house bondage, and you will prob
ably 80 from pillar to post.
But keep OF the war path, avoid
short cuts, stay out OF divorce alley
and don't 60 over the hills to the
poorhouse. However, from now on
life's highway leads downhill all the
way. Three blocks over you enter q
secret passageway and emerge In the
dear old cemetery. There the long
long trail begins. They say the
isles of bliss lie Just beyond.
OLD BUT NOT SO BAD.
The Moscow mountebanks have
announced a soviet and q suit for
separation on the part Of Alaska. 81
amt been served yet" grins Uncle
Sam. 'Ill ask her."
Edna says tho average woman
would rather have q man insult her
than pass her up cold.
Most OF the top sergeants had to
wait long time for their commits
sions but the war contractors got
theirs from the jump -off.
Anyhow. the senate has ratified q
treaty OF peace with the overworked
headline writer's.
SIGNS OF THE TIMES.
Burglars are passing banks by and
robbing grocery stores.
How sad II is to think that the ma
ton with 80 many noble men. 30
brightly and splendidly characterized
by their campaign bureaus, can have
only one PRESIDENT
But saddest Of oil spectacles II the
man who says, II am not a candi-
date" and then finds out that the
people believe him.
c H.o coa:..ss;it: :o.;, 1 eo::,s-
more than we, but here in the BRIGHT
gay youth Of this column, permit US
to assert ourself momentarily. II you
want 1t back in case we don't want
it here, send stamp ana self-ad-
dressed envelope.
a. you Seno just stamp, you can't
trust us. We're likely to use It for
almost any nefarious purpose. II you
send that bit of immortal verse or
that screaming jest unchaperoned
and we don't use 1t in say. three
weeks, you can be sure We aren't 20
ing to.
We're not peevish or anything, but
It's best to explain .ourself before we
hurt anybodys feelings even our
own.
HEROES WE HAVE MET.
We know q man who medals wears
He won where shot and shell were
popping,
he mocks at dangers cniilIng stares
But yet, his wife can take him
shopping.
Summer suits are to be fuller this
year Wallets after they have pur-
chased will be far otherwise.
As for us, our summer suit will u
worn thinner-thinner even than Il
was when we interned 1t in camphor
last fall. F.F. ".
Reaisyslyetis mAds shtilsly Of -