Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1920-04-22
By HOLWORTHY HALL


make the beginning. "All l can ex-
plain is that I've made another mis-
take - After the first great effort
the words came tumbling, passionate
ly, unchecked. ut would have been
so infinitely better for both Of us If
I'd never met you at all. :. My life
| has been a whole series of mistakes;
| this is the worst. :. The worst. :.
OF course 1t would be absurdly sim
pie If were going away from SYRIA
| cuse, If l were going to leave you
here, and go-but I'm not. I'm going
to stay here. And l can't think it's
decent not to tell you now that If you
knew all / know what I've
| been, what I've done :. you wouldn't
marry me If were the last man left
to ask you! - He gestured i'm
patiently. "We're childishly hopeful
sometimes . all of us hoping
for what we know is impossible .
what we know always will be impos-
sible. I've been like that-and
what hoped was that you could take
me on the basis of what I've been
for the last few months since
July . because that's the way take
! myself. Just a mana man-like
Jack Armstrong. l hoped we could
simply eliminate the past, and
l can't get away from it. It's on my
heels every minute. It's what l am,
now but If l went much further
back than that, you and the doctor
would both think just what ! do about
myself :. . and I'd have to say good
by to you anyway just as I'm do
ing tonight. | hope you can see that
I'm not telling all this to you from any
other motive except to be quite honest
with you. Quite honest-for once. l
care too much about you to let you
live another day without knowing that
l can't go on-it's over. I'm not
fit to be even your friend. That's
ALL"
She sat motionless. billiard had
turned back to the fireplace.
"Were you as bad E. as that?" she
whispered.
"Once," he said bitterly, over his
shoulder, II used to be a gentleman.
But that was long time ago"
She raised her head. Nothing
could ever make me believe" she said,
that you haven't always been just as
I've known you-since July. Nothing
can, and nothing will. What you may
think about yourself makes no differ
ence to me. /"
DON'T" he said, and his tone was
agonized. Don't you see"
II don't believe you" she said stead
lily.
billiards. voice was unstable with
his great bitterness of failure. "You
flatter me" he said harshly. And be-
sides-you're wrong"
She was up, and beside him, smiling
bravely into his eyes, and he was fog
ging his will to keep his hungry arms
from snatching her, from sweeping her
close to him, and -.
what do you think women areT'
she demanded, with sweet imperious-
ness. Nothing but marble statues
or putty ones? Just made to stand
around and let the world go past
without having anything to say about
itT
He retreated to the wall in self-de-
Tense. Don't! Don't! I'm the one
who's driven myself into this corner
not you"
"But you don't have to stay In 1t
always, do you"
He stared at her in mystification.
Don't be silly" she said, land don't
be unreasonable; I'm mott" She
touched his sleeve; his expression was
unchanged. Don't make me think you
are unreasonable" she said compass
sionately. 'If you're not satisfied, why
can't you make yourself what you
want to be? Instead of broOding over
the past, that you can't help, why don't
you think about things you can help?
Living is about all there is to live for,
isn't it?"
He drew in his breath perilously.
"But I'm letting you co." he said,
dazed.
She stamped her foot in tremulous
severity. mo, you're not; I won't al
low it! Can't you see why? Do
have to tell you that? Well
because l want you for a friend even
If you don't want me-"
"Want you" he cried, and remem-
bered himself, and froze to immobility.
"Oh-as friendw
Surely, as friend-what else did
you think I meantp
The young man shook his head.
II don't know. Only came up here
to tell you l haven't any right to your
friendship. I can't tell you why
I haven't as much callousness as all
that but If did tell you, your
last atom of faith in me would be
gone. And you can't afford to have me
even for a friend-now that I've said
that, can your"
"Yes," she said steadfastly, II can
afford It."
"When when I've told you
:" His lips were parted in
amazedness, his eyes roved DULY. 81