Evening capital news., 1920-01-12
=: PEPS =:


rHR pRssIM,sTe STONY
IN a. vrrnSr6e6 moment when my
wits were out wool gathering and my
guardian angel was asleep at the
switch, I confided to . friend the fact
that might some day take out some
I told my friend about my intention
a. noon over cui lunch. BY : o'clock
seven life insurance agents had called
and had killed the aftsrnocn. There
were five more waiting outside on the
sidewalk and three In the street car
which l took for my. homo.
When I reached homo there were
nine on the front porch and seven In
the parlor entertaining my wife with
horrible tales of life insurance or the
lack of It. in which there were visions
Of orphans in the poorhouse.
At 10 O'Clock that night the last agent
had spoken his piece and departed, al
though several had volunteered to stay
all night and continue the argument in
the morning. After listening to them
all the evening had every symptom of
every disease that had ever been In
vented.
When I awoke In the morning there
were six new life insurance agents sit
ting on the porch and It was only 9
o'clock.
escaped by the back gate and took
the car for my office. As drew near
thought the building was on fire. The
out to the car tracks. They were life
insurance agents waiting for me to
open my office.
didn't get off the car. but continued
on to the railroad station. I am now
staying down in tho country for a
month or two until the excitement
blows over.
There is only on way to get life In
surance and that Is to say nothing but
just go and get it.
It strikes us that there must be quite
a lot of sincere drinkers in Rhode
Island.
A cable says there Is nothing but
harmony in Poland. Paderewslki must
be back in his old time form.
One lump in the coffee. one lump in
the furnace. That's the modern pre-
scription.
An expert says sugar win be plenti-
err?
"why Norah," said her mistress, how
nice you look in your new dress and
hat. 1 hope you will meet all your
friends this afternoon so that they may
see you in your fine clothes.
| ME friends. num- returned NorAh.
"what'n / be wantin' to see them for?
Sure. don't care to make me friends
jealous. It's me enemies want to meet
when I'm dressed up"
This steak is burned!. exclaimed
Mr.. Dubwaite. II must impress on the
cook that beef costs too much to be
incinerated."
"The cook we have at present is not
well educated" said Mrs. Dubwaite,
land ] would advise you to use the
word burned instead Of 1ncinerated'.
II you are going to run the risk of re-
proving her you should try to make
yourself understood"
1 A Georgia magistrate was perplexed
by the conflicting claims of two negro
women for a baby, each contending
that she was the mother Of It. The
Judge remembered Solomon and. draw
ing knife from his boot declared that
he would give half to each.
The women were shocked but had no
doubt OF the authority and purpose OF
the judge to make the proposed COM
promise. Don't do that, boss!" they
both screamed IN unison. You can
keep 1t yourself!"
II bet 1 know what makes sister
wear her hair punched down over her
ears" said the small boy.
do your" replied the affable young
man.
yes. But aint going to tell. Only
II my ears were as big as sisters I'd
do something like that myself"
Very friendly was little Clara; and
to satisfy, her gregariousness, she de-
manded affectionate speech from all
and on every occasion.
One evening her big brother Ben
was industriously engaged in endeav-
oring to solve some arithmetical prob
lens. After trying to get his attention
several times without receiving any
reply whatsoever, Clara appealed to
her father to stir Ben up.
But Ben is busy" said dad.
! II know he is" said Clara, but at
least he might have said Shut up!'"
THAT woman who just passed in a
limousine bowed with marked cordial
ity," remarked Mr.. Jibway.
$50 she did, the cat!" snapped Mrs
Jibway.
MY dear!"
"That was Mrs. Dibble. I've been
lodging her ever since I heard she
had bought car. She wouldn't have