The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1920-12-31

"Old Doolittle has been married
long time, and he's got SO used to be-
Ing bossed by his wife that he doesn't
know what to do when she isn't
around. II you offered to lend him So
he'd say he'd have 10 consult Eliza
Jane about it. Gaa time, when his
wife was away, visiting, he ate abont
q peck Of green eucunbers, and the
coIic shut biln up Ike folding bed.
/. WAS the worst case I ever saw. I
heard him yelling for the police, and
when rushed over there and saw him
on the floor, with his feet clasped
across the back OF his neck, ! phoned
for doctor at once. We put him to
bed, and the agony that man endured
was sickening. And as ne rolled
around there, expecting to go off the
hooks every minute, he kept saying,
What will Eliza Jane So when she
hears called in a docror@
"After his wife came, back, I was
over at their house one night, and she
roasted me to crisp for sending for a
doctor. She said that If I had the first
instincts of q gentleman I'd pay the
bill, for wasn't authorized to call In
a sawbones, and she didn't want one In
the house. Doolittle sat there and
heard his wife roasting me until my
whiskers curied and, although he knew
the doctor, saved his life, he never said
q word.
"After I left the house, he sneaked
out and overlook me, and Told me he
was sorry for what had happened, but
experience had taught him that it's no
use to butt in when his wife has the
fle0r.
sGoosewortny came over this morn
ing while was feeding the cows, and
told me tale OF woe. His wife has
about five hundred female relations,
aunts and stepsistefs and cousins and
such people, and she Keeps the house
full Of them all the time. He has to
sleep on sanitary couch in the hal, .
while his own feather bed is occupied
by an aunt who weighs about 4UO
pounds. He has comfortable rocking
chair he bought for his own private
use, and now he never gets !. whack
at it. His wife's step-sister, who
brought her tortoise-shell cat along, is
always using it. he said he was get
ting plumb disgusted with such con-
,dition Of affairs, but he didn't know
what to do.
'I asked him why he, didn't read the
authorized version of the riot act to his
wife, and tell her to ship all those Fel-
les out of the. house. he seemed
shocked at the. suggestion. You don't
know what you're talking about, he
said. you've never been I,afrie:L
'The queer thing about it is that
Gooseworthy is a great stickier FOR his
rights when he's away from home. He's
as sassy as bobcat, and will fight at
the drop of the hat if anybody tries to
impose on him. He walks with, his
head back and his chest out iii frent OF
him, but as soon as ne reaches tiis oWi
front gate he begins to look SO blamed
ab;ect that the neighbors pity him.
.1rnen, there's old Major sendoH,
who distinguished himself on many
crimson battlefield. He has couras
enough for three regiments. But ne !.
raarried the Widow Bunkum q couple
Of years ago and she makes ifiaa co
the family washing, and hang the
clothes na the line, and suppose ne
does the iroi.ins, too. could tell you
of :, hundred such eases
az suppose you could" sighed the
professor, 'but don't care for sensa-
tional fiction"