Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-09-06
DEvITALrzED STATISTICS.

|
passengers by Pullman porters In the
course of year could be collected
| in a single pile 1t would almost fill
one small pill box.
II the tips refused by all the walt
ers In the United States were merged
In n single fund and put out at s per
cent interest, at the end OF q year 1t
| would amount to enough to buy
picture post card.
II all tho letters delivered on time
| by the postmaster general during the
year were placed end to end they
| would reach clear across Pennsyl-
| vania avenue in Washington.
| II all the kisses refused under tho
| influence Of moonlight and midsum-
| mer madness since the beginning OF
time could be exploded Simultaneous
ly the report would be nearly as loud
as that of child's popgun with a
missing cork.
II all the suspects proved TO have
been Grover C.. Bergdoll in the last
three months were placed in a single
group and photographed. the result
ing picture would bear strong re-
sem blance to an empty landscape.
/ Don't try to tell your wife now
that women don't know anything
/ about politics.
And It isn't the kind Of pies mother
4 kl.-A - IS
present. It's the kind of a vote she's
| going to cast.
/ There's nothing In the world the
Iparlor bolshevist adores 30 much as a
| pink tea.
LIFE.
Poverty
/ Is a tack
/ On the seat OF Time.
/ You sweat and strain
Until old age overtakes YOU
Then you prepare
To sit down and rest
/ Until you are called.
| But, no!
| There's that tack,
And You must Jump up.
/ Ouch!
THE FINAL INHIBITION.
One by one all the citadels Of sin
had fallen before the attack Of the
| prohibitionists. 1t started in the
year 1919 with alcohol. Then in 1921
tobacco was forbidden by law. Two
years later to-intoxication was
made a felony. Another twelve
months and swearing was verboten.
And so on. Everything conceivable
was forbidden, except on doc
tors or "a censor's prescription. The
| goal set up by the Society Of Pro-
! hibitinists had been achieved. But
they were sorely troubled. For now
that there was nothing left to pro-
hibit, their purpose In life had dis
| appeared.
Some felt very strongly that the
| only road was suicide. But the laws
expressly forbade suicide. Others
| favored return to nature, but ma
ture, too, was outlawed under the
statues
| The dilemma was great. Finally a
convention of prohibitionists was
| called and after a long and heated
debate decision was reached. They
would now prohibit prohibition!
| Thus the prohibitionists found
something to live for.
VACATIONS AFTERMATH.
THE loveliest place, my dear, and
practically no mosquitoes"
"He was at least that long-the
largest caught the whole season"
Some little queen, Al, and crazy
about me-"
Lovely weather all the time"
Grace was really the belle of the
place. She received so much atten-
toni"
you could get it at the grocery
store, If the proprietor knew you"
"The quaintest little old roadhouse,
where they served 1t in cups"
We'll, thank God that's over!"
One used to be born every minute,
but now they come in filters.
The amendment has abolished liq-
uor. but nothing seems able to keep
away delirium tremens and wood al
cohol poisoning.
IF. F. v.