Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-07-15
THE COWNSMAN
Fork Greek Epltaphs

" ~f'Nef's
AN EPITAPH is the last thing that
you can do for an enemy and the
unkindest thing that you can do to
friend
An appointment with a peony and
an engagement to execute certain ma
rauding cutworms made It impossible
for the Gownsman to bestow that me-
ticulous nicely and polish upon this
weeks "Gownsman" which II Is his
pride habitually to practice in his prose.
Wherefore, in emulation of the exam
pie of the great Saint Bernard (Shaw),
he has thrown off these bubbles in verse,
verse being so much easier to write than
the aforesaid meticulous. classic prose.
The following epitaphs will be recog-
nized as after the old Masters-though
possibly long way after him, as he
was a long way after the Greek An
thology, his avowed inspiration. In a
sense Fork Creek Epitaphs are tribu-
tary or contributory to The Spoon River
Anthology; though the course of the
smaller stream will be found to run less
irregularly.
T EFT me write the epitaph of mine
- enemy and I care not who nails
his coffin. Shall the Gownsman apply
this distortion of an old saw-which
once had teeth in ito some imaginary
authority, thus to show his learning?
Or shall he boldly declare that he did
the distortion himself and thus pro-
claim unblushingly his wit? 1t is
sad dilemma in which vanity rules like
gay ribbon tied on either horn. So
let us pretend, after the manner of
Morley, that all the bright things Of
the Gownsman, if there be any such,
like those of the Bowling Green, are
said by brilliant galaxy Of friends who
have swung into the Gownsman's orbit.
This method has a further advantage
one can be his own Snowman.
OUR first selection from the epitaph-
" ist of Fork Creek, by way Of pre-
lude, is an inscription to be placed on
the humble tomb of defunct cold stor-
age man. The attentive reader will
observe the pun contained in the last
word Of the first line; the superior
reader need not stoop to it:
Here lies man toho found ite's moor
age (moredge)
In the business Of cold storage;
Doubtless, tohere he lies a. d-smoulder
Noto, he'd like the storage colder.
OUR epitapher now turns his atten-
" tion to his own kind. Poets have
ever been beloved of poets; the same is
true of vers.fier as to vcrsifiers. No
tice the universality of the idea con-
tanned in the first two lines:
A poet liveS, irregular
Alike his life aud Verses are.
This poet died. Before Saint Peter
He noto rcrSifes in meter,
In the hope that in good time
The gates may open TO his rhyme.
There seems to be no other way than
that of regularity either for poetry,
politics or salvation.
A CHARACTER in an old play once
"A bought the discarded sign of
sometime Doctor Wiggling, in the
lively hope that If she ever had
daughter she might perhaps meet a
Wiggling who was likewise a doctor and
a single man, and, marrying him, the
sign might come in handy. A similar
concatenation obtains as to The Musi-
cal and TOPPING LAWYER to whom the
following lines are addressed. Though
in defense Of the truth Of poetry who
is SO bold as to deny that lawyers
nay, even judges-have topped in hap
pier days? And if we must case the
fiddle, assuredly many a lawyer has
fddled his case.
The ldwycr, fiddler, topper are
Each prGcticcd at his several bar;
And for each one at heavens gate
4 "no ddmittancc" sign atcdits.
No conder, then, that George, no,o
dead,
Who fddled, rcclcd and HkewiSc plead,
Has met a bar whcrc there's no glass,
QuaUcr nor plea ,chich he can pass.
These lines might have been called
The Bar Sinister, only that title also
means something else.
THE pathos of the following epitaph,
l. ITO One Who Died Too Soon'-as
most of us do-should place it some
where in the neighborhood Of She
dwelt among untrodden ways" or any,
thing else by Wordsworth or anybody
else:
She Hepcr tod her lore, because she had
no lore TO tell;
She never read in Iife's deep book, be-
cause she couldn't spell;
She neucr Encw a mothers love; you
see she did not tdrry
Long enough in this sad tcorH to haze
u beau and marry.
THE last selectiR from our cpl
l. taphicr passes out, as the later
poems" of all volumes Of verse are
sure to do, Into the beyond, the deep
Of things" The theologi-
cal question involved is a serious one
and will remind the biblical student of
the eye Of the camel and tho difficulties
of the profteer ever since the days of
Hester and Ahasucrus. The solution
is so simple that we must claim here
once more that it is always the poet
who scores. That is about all that he
ever does. Still it is something to score
in the game of verse as in the game of
life. Our epitaphistcr calls this
"poyem" The Reason Why:
John Thomas ,Oith purpose deep.
Bought Wheneper things merc cheap:
Which process made the angels toeep.
After the toayS of proftcer,
John Gl'odys sold 'rhcn things ,oere
de1r.