The Washington herald., 1920-10-26
AN O. HENRY STORY
The Phonogaph and the Graft

was remarking 'Sh-sh-sh' on the
beach and now and then a ripe
cocoanut would drop kerblip in the
sand; and that was all there was
doing. Yes, l judge that town was
considerably on the quiet. / Judge
that after Gabriel quits blowing his
horn, and the car starts, with Phils-
delphia swinging to the last strap,
and Pine Gully. Arkansas, hanging
onto the rear step, this town OF
Solitas will wake up and ask If any
body spoke.
The captain went ashore with
US. and offered to conduct what he
seemed to like to call the obseauies.
He introduced Henry and me to the
United States Consul. and a roam
man, the head of the Department Of
Mercenary and LioeRtious DISPOSE
tions, the way it read upon his sign.
1 touch here again a week from
today says the captain.
BY that time, We told him.
well be amassins wealth in the
interior town with our galvanized
prima donna and correct limitations
OF Sousa's band excavating a march
from a tin mine
Yell not says the captain
Yell be hypnotized. Any gentle
Z man in the audience who kindly
steps upon the stage and looks this
( country in the eye will be convert
ed TO the hypothesis that he's but a
hy in the Elgin creamery. YeIl be
! standing knee deep in the surf
/ waiting for me. and your machine
/ for making Hamburger steak out OF
the hitherto respected art OF music
will be playing There's No Place
Like Home"
Henry skinned a twenty off his
roll, and received from the Bureau
OF Msreenary Dispositions a paper
bearing a red seal and a dialect
| story, and no change.
Then we got the consul full of
red wine, and struck him for a horo-
| scope. He was a thin, youngish
kind of man, l should say past ffty.
sort of French-trish in his affec-
tions, and puffed up with disconso-
lation. Yes, lie was a fattened
kind of a man. in whom drink lay
stagrant, inclined to corpulence and
misery. Yes, think he was a kind
OF Dutchman, being very sad and
genial in his ways
THE marvellous invention he
says. entitled the phonograph. has
| never invaded these shores. The
| people have never heard It. They
would not believe II II they should.
! Simple-hearted children Of nature,
progress has never condemned them
to accept the work of a can-opener
as an overture, and rac-tIme might
inCite them TO a bloody revolution.
But you can try the experiment.
The best chance you have is that
| the populacs may not wake UP
when you play. There's two ways
says the consul, they may take II.
They may become inebriated with
attention, like an Atlanta colonel
listening to Marching Through
Georgia or they will get excited
and transpose the key of the music
with an ak and yourselves into a
dungeon. In the latter case.
says the consul. I'll do my duty by
cabling to the State Department,
and I'll wrap the Stars and Stripes
around you when you come to be
sfot, and threaten them with the
vengeance of the greatest gold ex-
port and financial reserve nation on
earth. The flag is full of bullet
holes now, says the consul. made
IN NhoS Hes' A"lSe DelOTt, soy .
the consul. ! have cabled our gov
eminent for couple of gunboats
to protect American citizens. The
first time the department sent me
a pair of gum boots. The other
time was when a man named Pesse
was going to be executed here.
They referred that appeal to the
Secretary of Agriculture. Let US
now disturb the senior behind the
bar for a subseauence of the red
wine
Thus soliloquized the consul OF
soiitas to me and Henry Horse
coilS-.
But, notwithstanding, we hired
room that afternoon in the Gale
de los Angeles, the main street that
runs along the shore, and put our
trunks there. Twas good sized
room, dark and cheerful, but small.
Twas on . various street. diversi-
fed by houses and conservatory
plants. The peasantry of the city
passed to and fro on the fine pas
turage between the sidewalks.
Twas, for the world, like an opera
chorus when the Royal Kafoozlum
is about to enter.
I'VE wAra rnhhins the dust off
the machine and getting fixed to
start business the next day, when
big, fine-lookipg white man in
white clothes stopped at the door
and looked in. We extended the in.