davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12
t ye worf a million anyhow. Dat am a fac Misto' Dixon"

Don't you feel the same way about his?
 I know somebody named Me who needs about Five Thou--($5,00O O)-- sand dollars to fix him right with ev- erything, and is willing to swallow his pride to get it. Some people are par ticular about such matters, but not Me. Me is very frankly up against it for Five Thou ($5, ,O00)--sand dol lars.
 Me will take Five Thous- ($5 ,000) and any way Me can get it. For in stand, John D. Rockefeller, and he can get it back in another raise in gas if he likes. Or maybe someone who has been touched by the pathos of my im- mortal poem, "Why Don't You Put Some Ashes on the Ice?" There are lots of people who have Five Thou t$5, 5,000)-sand who wouldn't miss it as much as I would notice it.
 Perhaps it will be difficult to get this F. T. from any living person while still living, in which case I'll take it as bequest, only I am in little hur- ry about it, so that the bequest of a young and athletic millionaire won't just answer. Any person who is sure of an early demise is much preferred
 1t is pleasant to be honest and open faced about little matter like this, and Me will await the result with an optimism hardly justified by experi- ence, yet persistent. Check, money order or postage stamps.
 "I once saw a man who had his hands tied behind him get his head cut off," said Chet Black the other day, "and he immediately picked up his head and put it back on his shoulders" !"
 The yarn took a moment to percol- ate. Then D. L. Thomas objected, dis gustedly. "Ratsw he said. How could he pick up his head when his hands were tied behind him?"
 Sure he could" Chet retorted. No problem at all. He picked it up with his teeth"
 w. Woeber Smith tells this good one:
 A colored parson was in trouble. He was charged with being too attentive to some of the female members of his congregation and was called before the board of deacons of the church.
 "Pahson," announced one of the deacons, in solemn voice, "yo' stan's accused ob bein' too familiar wid some ob de women membuhs ob dis yah con- gregation. In fac, pahson, you has been seen wid yo' arms 'foun' some ob our sistuh membuhs."
 The parson reflected for moment. Then an expression of reverence came upon his face.
 "Brothuh Jones'" he said, with great dignity, q think yo' will fin dat de Good Book say dat de shepherd mus take de lambs ob his flock to his breas'."
 The deacons ushered the parson in to another room and contiued their momentous deliberations. After some time they called him in again to hear their verdict.
 "Pahson," said Brother Jones, "de boa'do ob deacons has carefully consid- cred yo' case, de charges, an likewise
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12
HIS AMBITION

Visitor-"Rastus Johnson is very shiftless, isn't he"
 Sambo-"No, suh. Dat man am de most ambitious niggah what is."
 Visitor-"Ambitious ?" Sambo-"Yessuh. He says he won't be satisfied until his wife am doin' all de washin's in town"
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

gets his goat when he runs across anyone who is indifferent to it.
 He was standing on the edge eof Grand Canyon one day when a be- silked and be-jeweled com-fattened woman tourist, who had just arrived walked out near where he was, took a look out over the magnificent pano- rama, then, her face expressionless, opened her handbag, took out a mir TOT and powder puff, turned her back on the canyon and proceeded indus triously to powder her nose.
 Jimmie's nerves all began to shriek and jangle. He kicked himself first on one ankle, then on the other, and proceeded to cuss in a manner alto gether hearty. He didn't recover his good humor for two days.
 Jim Rupe, of Maine, says now that canary birds are so high he's going to SOW an acre of canary fird seed in the spring. He figures that he ought to raise fifty or sixty bushels of ca nary birds to the acre.
 We got wise to the fact Monday night that there still is some flu medi- cine left here in Flagstaff. We were going home from downtown when we met a man who was trying to walk on both sides of the>street. By sharp manoeuvering we passed between him. We see by the wire sales lately that many of our farmers are. going to do some fence building this spring. Our self, we are strongly inclined to favor the rail fence we had down in Virginia They were so darned crooked that when shote crawled through he all ways came out on the same side of the fence he started from.
 c. B. Wilson has an acquaintance lady, who was most easily angered when any one in her presence pro- fesses a belief in spiritualism. Her husband was equally argumentive in deciding the possibility of there being such thing as another existence for people wha quit this one.
 Time passed on, and the man died Two weeks later, at night, her hus- bands spirit appeared to the widow and asked her to send him some thin clothes.
 "Now," MT. Wilson says, "she's been converted to spiritualism and be- lieves it very likely that her depart ed husband has been converted to a belief in another world"
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12
MORAL

Two merchants bid for Fortunes prize In the self-same field of labor. One had the sense to advertise
 And soon bought out his neighbor.
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

Now l lay me down to sleep q wonder if my coal will keep?) If l should die before l wake, It's little difference it'll make.
 Paul S. Coffin. One time drew four hearts and one
 dark spade, A flush almost but not completely
 made,
 And as l pondered whether I should A rank outsider reached and drew the
 shade. "A hunch!" 1 cried, and forthwith
 drew me one, Bright as the day and radiant as the
 sun,
 But when I saw it's shape, cursed l wished loaf, and had achieved a
 bun!
 And since that day, the hunch is not
 for me;
 No virtues in the hunch that can see, But snuggled to my chest l play my
 hand
 And trust the Fates, for what's to be's
 to be!
 Spin me no spins of that elusive check Blue-tinted, that's across my fortunes
 wreck!
 Shuffe and cut and deal them from
 the top,
 And I will take my chances with the
 Bill Doney. J. c. Clark-May his smile never grow less-says that the politest man he ever know, was always very careful when walking with lady and chang ing sides never to step on her shadow. l.. B. Maxwell drew up alongside an customer just as the latter was sad- ding his hired horse, preparatory to travelling on after camping all night. Maxwell noticed that the fellow was putting his saddle on back side fore most, and told him so.
 "Guess you're mistaken, my friend,' v replied the greenhorn. five go the ' front in the direction Pm going to travel"
 Ed Whipple says he's planning an improvement that will make students s work a great deal easier. He's get ting up an index to the dictionary, so that when anyone wants to find the definition of the word all he has to do is to find the word in the index, and then he'll know on what page he can find the definition.
 Jimmie Swinnerton is very much of a nature lover. Also he's in love with Arizona's magnificent scenery, and it
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

stilct yO actlVltleS 70 Qe ram lamps ob de congregation"
 A few answers to our many inquir- ies from correspondents:
 Constant Reader-Who is the oldest lunatic on record?
 Time, our of mind.
 Willis Brown-What you'd you do if you split your sides laughing?
 Run till l got stitch in them.
 J e. Milligan-What is the long, est word in the English language?
 Smiles-because there's a mile be- tween the first and last letter.
 Fred Russell-Why do ducks put their heads under water?
 To liquidate their bills.
 Former Governor Hunt-Why does a jackass run down the road?
 Because the road can't run down the jackass.
 Now, along comes Clarence Pulliam and says as how he knew the meanest man. He was an old miser who blew out a candle when he was dying, say ing: q can see to die in the dark candles cost money.".
 A well-known Flagstaff man went into the cellar the other night, at the request of his wife, to get some vine- gar. He carried along a cut-glass tumbfer to get it in. He stubbed his toe and fell over box. His wife call ed out: My goodness! did you break my tumbler?" Smarting with pain and peeved at the lack of solicitude shown for himself in his good wife's ques- tion, he retorted: "No, but I will" and slammed the glass against the stone wall.
 A party of visitors went up on Mars hill few months ago, knowing there was to be an eclipse and thinking they might have a chance to view it through the big telescope. They start ed late, and one of the ladies said she feared they might not get to the ob- servatory until after the eclipse was over "Never mind," said one of the men in the party. "Dr. Slipher is a good friend of mine and if I ask him he will have the eclipse over again."
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

The classified ads. of The Sun will sell any small articles you may have to dispose of.
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

Hit ain high cost O Twin dat keep men guessin'," said Brunette Ike, wearily. Hits de habit O wimmen figurin' ef'n a man got job he ought
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12
CHE RE UL CH R P s
(Py "DEL.")

Mostly those intervals when real idea comes along and is grabbed off
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

If J. L. Daugherty doesn't mend his ways he's likely to get into trouble. Understand he's forming a corpora ton to dry snow and market it as salt.
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12
THE COCONINO SUN

yo' statement ob defense. Pahson, de boa'd ob deacons rules dat hereafter yo' as de shepherd ob dis flock, kin re- strict yo' activities to de ram lambs ob de congregation"
The Coconino sun., 1920-03-12

Jimmie Swinnerton is very much of a nature lover. Also he's in love with Arizona's magnificent scenery, and it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04

Sunday morning the Rev. J. F. Reed will
preach at fine church on Religious Awaken
ingS." Sunday evening the delegates OF the
Epworth League Institute at Baldwin will
pIished. Sunday afternoon at } O'Clock at
the Tecumseh Methodist church the Rev.
will preach. The Rev. Mr.. Naylor who is a
former Topeka man is also former Wash
burn student
Highland Park Methodist Episcopal church
held meeting Monday evening at the home
Of Miss Mabel Oliver with the followins
Crystal Campbell Miss Edith Marsh ana
Miss Lille Coultis.
Mr. and Mrs j. Tompk1ns hao as sunday
guests Mr.. and Mrs. George Means ana
baby.
Mr. and Mrs William Coultis, three small
Richland. are spending the week with Their
grandmother, Mrs. W. H. Coultis and their
aunt, Miss Lille Coultis.
Miss Lena Schultess of Horton has nr-
rived to spend the week end visiting MT.
and Mrs. j. c. Lair and children.
Mr.. and Mrs. T. J. Michaels of Wichita,
who are here attending the State SpirituaI-
ist convention are guests of Mr.. and Mrs.
DR.. ]. A. Crabb and daughter, Miss Emma
Crabb, were Tuesday evening dinner guests
of Mr.. and Mrs. J. F. Stearns.
Mrs. Frank Stiles who has been ill at
the home of her parents, Mr.. and Mrs. o.
o. Shull, Maryland avenue, is now able to
Miss Thelma Slit of Locust street spent
Thursday visiting Mrs. D. V. Taylor.
Miss Ellie Widows of Abilene is visiting
her sister Mrs J. A. Hamilton and family
Next Tuesday Mrs. Hamilton and Miss
be the guests of their brother, Mr.. William
Widows
Mrs. c. G. Hopkins of Madison street. is
visiting this week at the home of her
brother, Mr.. William Bailey and family
of Twenty first and Lime streets.
Mrs Hattie Bovert has returned to Rails
ton, Neb,s after visit here to her sister,
Mrs. J. F. Stearns and family Mrs. Bo-
vert camel to Topeka to recuperate from
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04

an illness but is not 7. cove=s IL and has
returned home to unde 90 =. tner opera
ton
Mr.. and Mrs. E. F. Youngss. of Topeka.
we're sunday dinner guests OF Mr. and Mrs.
Mrs. George Crawford entertained her
Sunday school class of the Central Con-
gregational church "Wednesday afternoon
were eighteen members present.
Mr.. Asa Crawford who has spent the
spending few weeks at the home of his
parents. Mr.. and Mrs. Geo. Crawfonl.
Miss Otha Bailey Twenty-first and Lime
which she underwent the first of the week
having her tonsiIs and adenoids removed.
ents of son, born last Saturday
Mrs. G.. A. Bates has returned to her
two months in Buffalo, n. y, Pittsburgh,
Pa, and New Bethlehem. Pa.
The class Of the Highland Park Sunday
teacher had picnic Thursday evening
Mess Chubb's home, followed by
watermelon. feast. The children present
were: Esther Chubb, Martha Mills Mae
Oliver, Kenneths Underwood, Raymond
Colson George Flanders, Archie Hurd and
Mr. and Mrs Hugh Moreland of Topeka,
were recent dinner guests Of Mr.. and Mrs.
Miss Frances Jones has returned from
a visit to relstives IN Algoma, Wis; She
Chicago, ILL.,. before returning home.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. W. Lamb have returned
from a visit. in Eldorado: Wichita and
from visit in Eldorado, Wichita, Hutch
inson and Langdon, Kan.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lawrence Sims, and sons,
Cecil and Theron, motored to Topeka from
Portland. Ore, and will spend the winter
here. They have taken the Robbins place
on California avenue and Mr.. Sims will
teach at the Decker school during the com
ing year
! Mr.. and Mrs. Albert KesIer have returned
I from a visit in Kansas City They were
the guests of Mrs Kes1ers brother, Mr..
Walter KruSe and family.
| The Highland Park schools will open
next week on Tuesday.
Miss Clara Chubb is spending vacation
| in the east She is visiting various points
! in New York and Pennsylvania and has
also visited Niagara Falls.
The King Daughters class Of the High
| land Park church were entertained Wednes-
| day eveningFat the home of Miss Mary Gear
| in Maryland avenue with the following
| girls present: Miss Margaret Anderson,
Miss Florence Marsh, Miss Naomi Greene
| Miss Nettie LeuenberGer, Miss Evelyn
| Lowell, Miss Vera Chubb, and Mrs. Chas
Boast.
I Mrs. J. W. Kes1er and two daughters,
| Sylvia and Dorothy, motored to Lacrosse
Kan. last week for visit and have now
| returned, They were accompanied by Mr..
Ben Kesler of Highland Park.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
Thousands Cured By
Drinking Mineral Water
The Famous Periax Mineral Springs
at Excelsior Springs, Mo-, Makes
Generous Offer to Sufferers.

Every year as many as 100000 people
visit Excelsior Springs, Mo-, to drink the
wonderful waters found there. Invalids
from all over the country, given up by
their home doctors. find health and vigor
in the mineral and curative agents com
pounded far underground by Nature.
Probably the most famous waters are
those found in the Perlax Mineral Spring
and many thousands who have suffered
from Govt, Rheumatism, Constipation
Liver and Kidney troubles and similar all
ments have been permanently relieved by.
drinking it.
So confident are the owners of the spring
that this water will benefit you that they
offer to send 81 carton of Perlax Min
eral Salts to anyone who will write fdR it.
When dissolved in water this is equal to
ten gallons of Perlax Mineral water Their
offer is that 1t is to be paid for only If it
benefits. The person taking it is to be
the sole judge and report results within
thirty days time.
If you suffer from any of the above dis
eases write for a carton today. Send no
money-1ust your name and address to
Perlax Mineral Springs, 341 Perlax Bldg
Excelsior Springs, Mo.-Adv.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
NEW 1921 BUICK LINES
y. V. Wood Announces Improvements
and Developments.


The highest point in twenty years
has been attained this year in Buick
development, according to Noel V.
Wood, local distributor, for the 1921
Buick.
+ A departure from the familiar Buick
body lines is the most striking feature
of the 1921 models. THE casual OBJ
server on the street." says Wood, ''or
in the show room will note that the
most striking change is in the new
lines of the body, top, radiator, hood
and cowl, which blend into a harmoni-
Gus whole of rare and graceful beauty.
Yet there is nothing spectacular or
radical in the new lines
The valve-in-head motor, already
brought to a high state of perfection,
has undergone tests in the expert
mental laboratories, and has come out
a refined motor, capable of greater
service. A few mechanical changes
have been made. For instance the
clutch can now be adjusted with
wrench directly beneath the floor
board. 1t is no longer necessary to get
under the car to drain the crank case
or radiator. This may now be done
by handles placed conveniently under
the hood. All open cars are equipped
with a new patented top that permits
all passengers an unobstructed view.
Snug fitting cartains swing with the
doors.
I'm closed cars" Wood points out,
batteries have been made more ac-
cessible than is usually the case. The
springs on all closed cars have been
redesigned to insure smoothest riding
qualities The rear of the body of the
roadster has been widened making II
comfortable for two passengers be-
sides the driver. Slight rearrange-
ments have been made in all closed
models to obtain more room and COM
fort for passengers. Seats have been
changed to afford the most comfort
able positions.
Attic exceptionally attractive, the
new cars are more likely to be con-
spicuous for their power and per-
Torrance, their ease of control and
comfortable service. Buick engineers
have not directed their efforts toward
any single thing. They have devel-
oped all details that make up com
plete motoring satisfaction"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
BONDSMEN FACE LOSSES
Topekans Must Get Their Men Into
Court Soon.

Court Soon.
Judge George H. Whitcomb today
ordered the forfeit of $500 in Grim
inal bonds put up by Topeka men to
insure the appearance of five Topeka
men charged with criminal offenses.
The bonds guaranteed the appearance
the August term which expired at
noon today.
Unless the bondsmen get their men
into court 'P. D. O." the money must
be turned to to the county. Those miss
ing and the bondsmen, together with
the amounts of the bonds follow:
Ransom Locke, white slavery, $500
bond signed by DR.. c. c. LuH
o. NJ. Elliott, robbery. $500 bond
signed by E. @. Russum. -
S. ]. Cocker, white slavery, $500
bond signed by S. NJ. Brewster
Arthur Reynolds, murder, $1,000
bond signed by T. c. Blair and NJ. V.
Casebier.
Brownie Burns, assault. $1,000 bond
signed by Myer Scrjnopski.
The Arthur Reynolds murder trial
unusual manner. Young Reynolds ac-
cidentally shot and killed a boy play
mate at a church meeting in North To-
peka two years ago. according to the
finding of a coroner's jury.
The dead lads mother persisted in
demanding that young Reynolds be
prosecuted on a murder charge. and in
the face Of the jury verdict the county
attorneys office refused to issue the
warrant. Recently the lads mother
obtained a murder warrant from a
justice of the peace at Oakland, who
Abound young Reynolds over to the dis
4 ti-ct court for trial
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
MORE OLD CLOTHES NEEDED.
Topeka Is Short About a Third of Q
Carload.

The bundles of old clothing already
contributed in the Near East relief
campaign will fill two-thirds of
freight car, r. c. Ellis. campaign d.
rector, stated today. But Topeka is
expected to fill car with clothing, he
said, and it will take much effort to
fill 1.-THE remainder OF the car within
the next few days allowed for COM
pletion of the campaign.
Motor cars are badly needed to as
sist in the work, and the committee
hopes that motor car owners will vol
unteer their services. More than 800
contributions are listed with the COM
mittee but cannot be collected with
out motor cars.
After Monday, all Near East contri-
buttons will be delivered at the To-
peka Transfer company. Sixth and
Adams, as the Majestic Garden will
be in operation after Monday
Donations of money are needed to
bear the cost of shipping the gar
ments. Ellis said.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
NEED BEST NAVY
Sen. Harding DepIOreS Pulling
Campaign Into Mire.
Declares Against False Appeals
to Women Voters.

Marion, O., Sept. 4-America
should have the most effective and
most dependable navy in the world,
Senator Warren G. Harding declared
today. This declaration was made ex7
temporaneously during his speech TO
the naval recruiting band which gave
a concert on the Harding lawn today.
Il want America to have the most
effective and most dependable navy in
the world Harding said. Harding
pointedly Iamented resort to abuse,
appeals to momentary clamor and at
tempt to drag the public into the mire
during the campaign. No mention was
made of Governor Cox or of the OPP
posing political parties.
Harding outlined his campaign
creed follows: r owe it to the
men and women of America to guard
against all pretense. 1 owe it to
them to state fully and clearly my be-
nefs, with all the sincerity there is in
me
7 must not, as I seek to gain votes
for my party, yield to the temptation
which often comes to men who are
candidates, to make false appeals and
appeals which, tho they might be sue
cessful at the moment. do not serve
truth or do not meet the requirement
Of our pational dignity.
q must not drag the attention of
the American people INTO d HlTe when
it is their whole-hearted desire that
their attention should be centered
upon the RsOblems which we all wish
to face bravely and wisely together"
Il must concentrate my attention
upon construction and not abuse.
Il must assume an attitude which
is firm but is ever listening to the
voice of the people. Every citizen
must realize that AmericaS wants deeds
rather than words and that the proper
solution of pressing problems is more
important than appeal for momentsry
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
TOPEKA MAN GOES UP.
E +. Anderson in Charge Loss and
Damage Department Santa Fe.


Z. F. Anderson. a former Topekan,
mas been appointed freight claim
agent in charge of the loss and dam
age and Overcharge claims department
with headquarters at Ell Paso, Texas.
according to notice received in the
santa Re general offices today.
Anderson is well known in Topeka,
having worked here in the Santa Fe
offices prior to going to Texas, thir-
teen years ago as clerk in the
freight and claim department. He re-
ceived his education in the public
schools and high schools in Topeka,
and made his home here for many
years Anderson received his appoint
mcut from Eugene Fox, general traf-
fic manager. and was recommended by
W. c. Barnes. freight traffic manager.
He succeeds w. s. Dawson, VINO was
appointed general freight agent on
May l.
Everything new in wall paper.
Doe-inE. COS Kansas Ave.-Adv.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
HIGHLAND PARK

Notes ana personals from Highland
Park, by Miss Frances Jones. Tele-
phone $3.50.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
RESIGNS CHIRoPRACTIC BOARD.

Mrs. H. A. Post of Winfield VIII
Serve No Longer for State
Mrs. H. A. Post of Winfield has re-
signed as a member of the state board
of chiropractic examiners. Her resig-
nation is effective Immediately.
Governor Allen received the resig-
nation today. He will name her sue
cessor in a few days
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-09-04
BELL ASKS PHONE INCREASES
Hikes Requested for Six, Kansas Towns
Today.

Telephone rate hikes were today
asked for six Kansas towns by the
Southwestern Bell Telephone COM
pany The towns include Eureka,
Chanute. lola. Arkansas City, Winfield
and Atchison.
Business rate increases are asked
for the various towns as follows: Eu
reka. S2.75 to $3.50; Chanute, $3.50 to
SIS; lola, SO to 81; Arkansas City, IS
to $3.50: Winfield. $3.50 to $3.50:
Atchison. 81 to $3.50. No dates have
been fixed for the hearings before the
court of Industrial relations.