The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-04-25

been mtsmanaged. Too many of us huS- bands are being scrapped. It cant go on. Think of any intelligent human being. earning a living and with little money saved up, going to a nice girl and say ing: Darling, l cannot live without you;s if you don't say yes I am ruined, and then about three years and four. months later remarking in frigid accents, %lt cant happen too quick to suit me-.
 Think of it, fellows-three years ago she was indisrensable-to today she is not even worth retreadng. The fault lies on both sides, when you look at it from the outside but when you look at it from the inside 1t always lies on the other side When a fellow loves a girl so much that he cant live with her after that third year something is wrong with the system and not always with the girl. Tndi- NiGrals don't count in matrimony any more than they do in Brooklyn. But they think they do, and that's what causes the trouble. When a man who has been br ol1en to the matrimonial harness sym pathizes with himself so he begins to sit up and take notice of the vampires that pass in the night. then he is soon going to spend his week-ends in dif- ferent spot from of yore When wom- an poses as a household drudge and be- gins to stand in the doorway on bright summer days every once in a while and
  may expect a sudden fall in tempera- ture accompanied by moving vans ano hail and farewell signs in the distance Just because two people are brea khis even on growing homely, why can't they live together permanently without calling in the police? For it is a very rare man who realizes that if the luster is begin ming to dim in the eyes of ~@e sirl he has sworn to love and protect, he also is beginning to lose his hair and develop knocks in his machinery.
 The real trouble is So simple thas s,rrere- ly to state it is to make every husband and wife see that I am right The real trouble lies at the. breakfast table. Until all husbands and wives learn how to ~e- have at breakfast I can offer no hope of any improvement To prove this is not a matter of statistics but of common un- derstanding. The shortest way to the divorce court lies from the breakfast table. If you can get on with woman at breakfast and she can get on with YOU, the vampires will cease from yamping and the triangle will be a riangle no more. For married people life is only one matri- monial day, constantly repeated. Wha' you do at breakfast is what determines the day.
 All over this country there are married people who won't be living together in another year-and why Because they don't know how to come down to breaks fast By their breakfast manners ye shall know them.
 It is ' a. m. in the home of the Com ing divorced. The man, with the mN~'ng paper clasped firmly in his hand. ap breaches the breakfast table. His face is like a thunder cloud. All the respon- sibility of the world is on his shoulders. He is already opening his office mail in advance. His wife is trifle late that morning. She has no object in getting there early except a defensive one, be- cause she knows that she is the last thing in the world that her husband is interested in. She expects him to growl Over many months she has helped to sharpen his morning grouch.
 And the following conversation ensues;
 Scoffeeready?
 'Niminute.'
 Huh ! WhatderthinkIam?
 "I-know-wnat1you-a
 Don't tell me you're not coming home tonight"
 What's the use O my tellin' yer any thing Yer wouldn't believe it
 "Huh.'
 Well may not be here myself"
 .Huh.'
 Drinks coffee, buries himself in paper Rises.)
 sIm coming home-do yer get me?''
 "Well all right. I can-stand it if you can"
 Gle goes out without word She starts to clean up, her lips curled into a halt sob.)
 Therefore, I say. if we husbands a~s going to keep the home fires burning, we must cease to consider ourselves too much, and must cultivate the cheeo breakfast habit Your wife is always the most beautiful woman Tn the world if you have a mind to think SO Ami you have a mind to think % if you start the day right.
 And so it is now going to be just like this.
 His step is springy as he approaches the breakfast table.
 NO hurry, dear-by love. You must read this, it's a scream I'll leave the paper for you. Whatchoo been doing to this coffee ---- Matter? Never tasted anything better in my life. But you always were a wonder. Well, I'm off Anything you need today? Did !~S'i think I was going to forget2 Neverl Yes, I'll be home at $, Johnny on the spot Happy day.
 And then wave your hand at her as she presses her face against the pane,
 Every permanent American home mas Q, r,aryaauent husband wave.