davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chesterfield advertiser. [volume] (Chesterfield C.H., S.C.) 1884-1978, 1920-10-21

VI. & l.. II.
Evening star., 1920-12-14

Thrilling A dve n 1res OF
American Pioneers and Heroes.
-Child's History of Our Own
Country.
Wild Life Among the Red
Men.
Beautiful Stories About Chill
dren.
The Men Who Have Risen to
the White House.
Birds and Animals.
Stories About Famous Men
and Women.
Games. Puzzles, fchsrsdes,
Recitations.
Lives of Our Presidents.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
Civil Service Retirement as a
Business Proposition
By BILL PRICE .

The almost solitary argument against civil service re-
tremen is that the farmer the clerk the worker every
where must with his abors without retirement bene
fs until death calls him relative Of
him in his old age.
This is the usual line Of talk in Congress for those op
posing the retirement OF employees OF the
Federal and District governments used for political pur
poses it often awakens Endorsement Of the unthinkng
Senator THOMAS of Colorado, earnest plain spoken
fearless man. opposing the conference report retire
ment, is quoted saying:
It'll There "a many farmers State who pas. seventy and
retirement.
There no sadder feature of life than that probably
per cent of the aged must continue to labor until the grave
yawns unless relatives take charge of them and their
last years But civil service retirement is not based
human sympathy 1t is almost wholly a straight business
proposition How much money will the Government by
replacing superannuated men and with young
and women capable of greater speed and efficiency!
No in Congress has been hearted enough to sug
gest that loyal faithful clerks who have given all of their
years the Government should be dismissed outright
An aged and brokendown horse owned by human being
with feeling turned out in green pasture there to enjoy
some of the freedom of colthood He is replaced by
younger animal.
No Congressman has dared to say Tun these old peo
pie out and let them starve The pension may be
pared to the pasture because it independence m
declining years.
The Government is not to pay all this pension Govern
ment employees who expect to be benefited pay half Acu
res of high standing have estimated the Government will
mo"s of dollars year by retirement laws There
thousa, Of industrial and business establishments in
the United States which conduct retirement operations
of their being "good business" which carry
insurance upon their employees The Government in retire
ment legislation, is beginning to things in the same
Gsht It's simply good business. That's ALL and that
enough.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

have lived in Warrington over
fifteen years. and since I was only
three years Of age when hrst saw
the Capital. / think l may consider
Washington my own.
In your column, I Ind that VISIT
erners criticise us and our city
very severely. think this criticism
unjust. Several of your corre-
spondents have claimed that they
cannot find the right kind Of people
here. 1t is foolish to state that the
kind OF people in one section are
better than those in another.
Geography does not control human
nature.
Outsiders very seldom come in
close contact with the real wash
ingtonians. They meet other out
siders and Judge the city from
them. They themselves are the
cause of many of the things of
which they complain. Take the
crowded conditions and the street
car system for instance. Before
they came, IT was easy to get room,
and a good one The people Of
Washington arc as good as those
from any part Of the country and
our city " inferior to none.
A wASHINGTONIAN.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
oughly.


andout radicals that the thing to do is to dig well get
plenty of water and put the fires out.
few things happen to this old gentleman. In the first
place. he will finish the we'll Too hard work for
of his age In the second place. the fire will be out and
the house burned down before he gets down gravel with
his pick.
He would have been wiser if he had said himself II
should have dug this well and had the ready ten
ago But did not do that I'll out and save all
the furniture can
Radical gentlemen that find things wrong and that
the fire is starting should join others in helping moving out
the furniture and then organize water system and fire
department with competent engineers and in sane legal
way to combat with future fires
For sixth picture Mr. Young leaves empty space,
in which you supposed to write my suggestion for an
absurdity Of today
Many suggestions will be thought Of One that Mr..
Young might make is the picture of workingman who
,Ss~>~-~ (Ccuti,usd Bottom Of Column)
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

Please let me share the helpful
advice you are always giving those
who are at their wits end.
am a young man, old enough to
form my own opinion and conclu-
sions, but am at sea to know what
to do in certain matters.
The other day while engaged in
n conversation over the telephone
with a friend of mine an Interrupt
tion occurred, due to some discon-
nection, and the operator began n
little "tete a tete" with me, during
which she said she would like to
meet me.
Now Is this young lady, who
started the conversation with an
unknown gentleman. worth a re-
spectacle young man trying to meet
or not7 Would she do the same
with some one else, or should I
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
The Much Criticised
F. v. Appears Again.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAN.

DEAR MISS FAiHfh-N.
Please tell Candid not to break
the nrst rule OF logic in telling me
that my three hundred words or SO
are illogical, incoherent. and
verbose. 1 mean, as to presenting
the evidence. I have had quite a
little mud thrown at me since ar
irving in this great and glorious
city. and so far not one person has
dared to make tho charges TO my
face. much leas present any evil
dence: even the charges are contra
dictory.
Now, as TO my letter. II was
written during luncheon, just as
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
What's Doing; Where; When

Joint Dsnces-Tri-Post Club, American
Legion. 1to2 Fourteenth street northwest
Entertainment = Mother Goose Up-to-
Date" Powell anhooi, Hiatt place, between
Park road and Irving street northwest,
2ib .. m
Addre~-Dr Harvey W. Wiley, food sr-
mart and associate editor Of Good House
Eesplns Magazine, New rhoSsht Temple.
isII N street northwest 11Ns a. m.
Aadrep-Bs-il NJ. Manly. Friends Of
irish Freedom. col street southwest, y
y m
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
What Is Most Foolish
Makes Picture Of 1t.

Young Mr.. Arthur Young THINKS that everything in
the world Is wrong and KNOWS that he could Ak it, peo
pie would let him make the world over. He runs b
nsnthly called "aood Morning" radical pubtcation to
put it mildly
Like other editors Arthur Young must condescsnd to
interest a. well teach his readers He has good idea
illustrated with pictures reproduced here and even If he
a. radical King Canuts who thought he could hole
the ocean or radical Karl Marx who thought he
could change night social system that Is the growth
of half million years he would be entitled to praise
He'cslls his pictures ''Absurdties of Other Days.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
To-day.

To-day.
Celebration in honor OF St John Baptist
de la Sale. founder OF 81. Johns Cob
lsge, at college.
Hecttation-Miss Mamie parbes. Re-
west, y. m.
Bioiosicai Society Of washing
Ton. cosmos Club, Madison Place, Sp. m.
uon center, Twentieth and n streets
Meeuns-Mtssissipp Society, Thomson
School. Twelfth and l. streets northwcst.
y.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
WHAT is MOST FOOLISH
CONTINUED From First Column.)

CONTINUED From First Coumn)
thinks that wormen solve their problems by doing
HALF days work instead of WHOLE days work, no
realizing that workman gets what some other workman
produces in dayminus the legitimate overhead cost ant
the share taken by the management
The gentleman who cuts HIS days work in two cut
what he going GET in two First your fair shar
you produce after that cut down the amount
work you doing if you really doing too much
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
WHO GAVE THIS NAME7

WHO named washington thF "CIty1
OF Magnificent Distances?" A literary
friends says Dickens, but l don't re-
call Dickens saying anything good
about America. The dictionaries say
that the name was hrst applied To
Washington somewhat derisively. be
cause the city was laid out on a grand
scale, but is now accepted proudly
ID.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

o dear! o dear! What a mix-up!
/ am not the right girl after all.
And what time I had explaining
to my Eddie after he came back.
But the unkindest cut of all is to
be put in a class with the Anacostia
vamp. o dear! o dear!
MARGIE.
Now Margie is all upset! She
got her Eddie back, and that
seems to be the important thing
to consider. ! wonder how many
Eddies there are, anyway!
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
The letter Of zone OF Eight"
was. to my conception of knowl-
edge. instilled with a rich flavor
tinging on amusement. 1t had that
spicy something in it which is. in
itself harmless. tho we'll meant, but
because of its very existence ac-
cords mirth and merriment to her
objects of accusation.
From the statement that "all the
boys who are studying at G. U.
try to kiss us good night" l am
given to understand that she has
had experience with all 1000 of the
G. L. boys to whom she refers. III
such be true, then she is indeed
rare specimen among so many
beauties, and, furthermore, she has
all the qualifications necessary for
being admitted to the so-called
class OF college widows. Then the
real comedy springs up and. like a
tiny bubble assumes a little more
than its allotted proportion. and
thus bursts. when she says that she
is only One Of Eight Ny dear Miss
Fairfax. am l to believe, that such
an unhcard of thing as a harem of
college widows exists among the
fair sex of the city of Washing
ton7 For heavens sake, get us
their address!
And yet there is still another lit
tie statement that is indeed more or
less OF puzzle. and I ask you for
little enlightenment, which 1
know you are qualified to give. Has
the time finally arrived when per-
sons of the feminine gender insist
on being older than they arc7 Time
was when young ladies much older
than sixteen would gladly. and even
insistently, pass for sixteen.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

First you see King Canute
telling the ocean it must not
come any farther. It is q safe
thing to say at high tide, in
fair weather; q dangerous
thing to say at low tide, or
any tide, in rough weather.
The Cxar fonnd ont in the
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
@J7fqtrF!6D
oDx. IN N n~
ktefO5 Or @
49, RUG1vER


EVA NJ. mails me- the last edition
of Pork" the official journal Of
Washington lizards and cake eaters.
There are eight or ten pages OF
mimeographed personal notes and
jokes about members of the clan and
their female friends. They call
themselves "Porkers" and resent the
term "cake-eaters."
Here's two verses OF their own
poetry:
Here's to Washington Porkers,
Who can always take q Joke.
Who'll stick to the girl with a dollar,
And leave her when she's broke.
II you've never seen . Porker,
Then search. II you must,
Because this town is full OF them,
Tell 'em, Pie Face, 1 haven't got the
crust
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

In regard to the souvenirs,
which zone OF Eight" portrays us
smuggling out OF their homes. l
would say that in the majority Of
cases the souvenir" consists OF
the fair damsel waiting at the door
when the young man arrives. with
her hat and coat on. "What do they
do with the souvenirs?" Easy! The
stubs of tickets from the National
or Bclasco or the fond t?) memory
Of the bills presented by the mcnials
OF the willard or the st. Marks are
self-evident and further explanation
Is unnecessary.
Trusting that these explanations
will satisfy the young lady. and
that they will be accepted as valid
by her, / am
"ONE OF TWO THOUSAND"
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

our good friends, the radicals,
to lift up the proletarist by
some process other than edu-
cation. \ Education is the
lever, the earth is the full
crum. The bootstrap gentle
man is q subscriber to "Good
Morning. who says, II only
weigh 100 pounds. I can
1ift that much an whv
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
MAINLAND VOLUNTEER
MEN.
FIRE.

r. X. JAMES writes that the yows
men along the Georgetown-Rockvfl
line, in Maryland, will meet againv
May 81 to reorganize a volunteer firs|
association to serve Bethesda, Wood
mont, and Bradley Hills. A meeting
was recently held at the home OF
George Bradley, near Edgemoor. and
the next meeting will be there.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
r. =. r. METER TESTERS.

That crew of meter testers of the
p. II. p. Co. is \ good-looking and ef
ficient lot OF fellows. Some of them
are: ABE RICE. ISRAEL EDLEMAN
r. w. ROWE, 'rHARTS" FEIIIOWS
DENNY THAHERTY, p. A. COCUZZL
G.. p. SMITH, GEORGE BISSETT. q
c. SCHEUCH, l.. A. +.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

However, leave it to him, and
he will solve the situation.
He is starting to dig a well,
and when the water is reached
he will put out the fire.
Gentlemen that find the high
cost of living troubling them,
or that other economic forces
and fires disturb, make up
their minds IL thew ara onf.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

to catch their tails and try
to run fast enough to escape
their shadows.
When they try to outrun
their shadows they are like
gentlemen that try to outrun
their own deficiencies and
that write letters to "Good
Morning" saying, II should
be all right if autocracy would
only get off nv chest" That
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

If a girl is very young, she al
ways wants to appear older. 1t
is only when she is well beyond
the probability of "Sweet Six
teen" that she aims to appear that
age. But, then, men are quite the
same way. When they are very
young they grow mustaches so as
to appear older, and when they get
older they shave 'em off SO as to
seem younger. The sexes are
much alike, both as to age and
kisses, to say nothing of "souve-
Mrs"
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

I am an ex-Gob, but whenever J
see a pretty girl on the movie screer
or in real life drinking milk out OF
the same dish with a pig. pup, OIL
cat, or hugRing n big boaconstrictoi
or baboon, or exchanging soul kisse.
with a NANCY nea-hound, 1 becom'
seasick. p. s. w. 4
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

really isn't the trouble but wouldn't please them to know
it. If the dog thinks he away from his shadow let
him it is good for him. develops his lungs just as
complaining develops the thinking parts of the imperfect
gentleman who blames every but himself for his own
deficiencies.
This gentleman with his head outside the window
knows that something wrong and can't quite think what
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
Is Is NOT so Rad.

We started with IS States. There
arc Is red stripes In the American
nag: Is darts in the thunderbolt OF
tho American eagle. and IL stars
around our dollar. Tho eagle has Is
feathers on each wing. K Pluribus
Unum contains IL letters. Woodrow
Wilson il spelled with II letters. In
spite Of an this. We have tho worlds
greatest nation. c. GUDER.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
HE ARD A ND SEEN

ANDY RAWLINGS. of the Patent
Office, will hsve been an employe Of
that office forty-eiGht years on May
16. But Andy Is Is sprightly as
young man. JUDGE STRONG.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

it is. He put the window
down before taking in his
head. The picture will ap-
peal to the sympathies Of
some of Mr.. Young's most
radical friends, because, like
them, this gentleman, with his
head outside the window, is
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

Does anyone remember when the
street car companies got their
power from the sito where the
District building now stands3 I'll
say they still get their POWER
from that same site. p. A. S.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

one might talk to friends at
luncheon, and it had just as much
point. Nevertheless. If there are
points in 1t that are worth arguing
i had thought otherwise-and
these points are stated, shall be
happy to defend them. +. v.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

May we give praise to Miss
GATES, the telephone operator Of
the Hub Furniture Company? We
wish there were many more like her.
H. R., S. E.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
/ am a girl fifteen years of age.
i am large for my age and am con-
sidered quite attractive. Do you
think I am too young to have boy
friends come to the house, and Is
$3.50 too late for a girl Of my age
and size to be out7
BROWN EYES.
My theory is that boys and girls
Of any age are better off If they
are allowed to have little friend
ships and parties, but ! think IT Is
always a mistake to think they
are ready for love affairs or to
know what love is at your age:
Young folks are usually allowed
to STAY ont later in the warm
weather than in cold weather.
think 9 o'clock is plenty late
enough for a girl who has to get
up to 10 to school. That makes
it well onto 10 o'clock before she
is finally in bed and asleep and she
ought to have a full eight hours
sleep EVERY night and nine, If
she can manage it. Regardless OF
your SIZE, you must remember
that you are still fifteen and that
your experience, judgment and
brain are those of fifteen, even IL
your body Is little overgrown.
You'll never be fifteen again, so
don't make the mistake of trying
TO act like a girl OF twenty
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
Lifting Himself by His Bootstraps.

SHOULDN'T lift myself by my bootstraps?"
Among Absurdities Of Other Days. the dog picture is
of the best Little dogs try around fast enough
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

Listen to the modern Captain Kidd.
<Yo no. 20 no. and . bottle Of bcve
E. ".
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

Now that the front lawn Of the
White House has been turned into
a pasture for sheep. why not add
a few cows and pigs7
G.. ST. c.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
He calls his pictures @
Csnute Com snding the Sea.

low tide and rough weather after the war
Next is picture illustrating lifting yourself by your
bootsraps It remarkably like of tho efforts of
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

saw two army officers at a
hair-dressing parlor having perm
anent waves put in their hair for
the summer. their eyebrows
arched, and their eyes rouged.
Vanity and conceit does not be-
long wholly to women.
THELMA.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

what's the difference between q
Woodworking school teacher and a
dolIar-a-year man? The teacher can't
afford to resign; that's all.
7 don't know whether to give my
girl a car token or a two.pound box
of candy.
A KISS over a telephone IL like .
straw hat, because II isn't felt.
LEON GORDON.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

the predicament in which he finds himself
This thoughtful old radical wants to do things thor
oughy His house fire. there no water to put out
The Washington times., 1920-05-15

JACK GOLD says his hair Is turn
ing gray from trying to figure on
who is going to bury the last under
tRker.
The Washington times., 1920-05-15
Fairfax Writes the Problems and Pitfalls of Workers Here
Especially for Washington Women

meet her (as per her request). with
the idea that Fate" prompted the
meeting?
feel confident the young lady
was in earnest due to the converse
ton. BILL
Romance and conventionality do
not always 90 hand in hand. The
late Ella Wheeler Wilcox tells in
her memoirs of the wholly uncon-
ventional meeting with the gentle
man who later became her husband
"a husband who was worshiped
and who remained devoted through
many, many years Of wonder
fully beautiful and happy married
life. The circumstance was this.
She stepped into a jewelry store
where she was known, one day, to
ascertain the correct time. A
ltleman was in conversation
with the jeweler. She saw him
just that moment but remembered
him for days. The fact that the
attraction was mutual was evi-
denced when she learned that this
same gentleman had persuaded
the jeweler to tell him who she
was. He had the temerity TO ad-
dress her in letter and they cor
responded for some time prior to
their meeting.
You might find this girl very
much worth while and then again,
she might be only An incurable
flirt. She only did what hundreds
of other girls would many times
like to do but don't quite dare.
It's an even chance what she would
be like and only you can decide
whether you have curiosity enough
to find out.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
The Realm of the Kitchen

A mere glance into the McCreery's house
wares department is enough to make any
housewives eyes glisten with pleasure. Every
utensil in it lessons the drudgery of housework
and adds to the up-to-date, spick-and-spanness
of the kitchen.
There are the shining Aluminum-ware,
Transparent Oven-ware and the Electrical
Appliances. Take the McCreery Electric
Cleaner for example 1t is the equivalent of
maid, but it does not take time or request an
increase in wages when you need it most. The
DISTINGUISHING Machine is another electrical ap-
pliance which does away with an odium. You
can rush off to the theatre, or any other appoint
ment you may have, after meal without being
haunted with the idea of dishes to wash later
on"
(Sirth Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
That Particular Cretonne

Are you seeking a particularly fine cretonne?
You will undoubtedly find it in the alluring pro-
fusion of imported and domestic draperies and
coverings. All colors and the daintiest weaves are
represented. In the same department you will
find heavier draperies, dainty imported Duchess
and Florentine point lace curtains and upholstery
goods of unusual value.
(FJth Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
China Which Stands
Wear

There is an irresistible charm
to our China display. Wonder
full sets from far away lands
will Immediately catch your eye.
Particularly the imported Eng
fish dinnerware which outlasts
all other China because Of it's
unusual service-giving qualities.
(Sirth Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
Art Goods the Final Touch

Have you ever. taken note how a sofa pillow
of some soft and delicate shade, let us say old
rose or azure blue, rightly placed, will lift the
tinctive? Perhaps this is just what has been
amiss with some room in your home A visit to
our Art Goods department will help you set it
right.
(Thid Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
Ornamental Glassware

adds a touch of color to the
dining room which lifts it out of
the ordinary. In our glassware
department you will find the
most gorgeous colors, blues, and
ambers and mulberry, and new
est Of all, a color just added to
our collection, a beautiful canary
yellow. 1t will give your dining
room individuality.
(Sirth Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
When the SLIDER
Tinkles

The pride of the hostess is her
silver. To know one possesses
the acme of the silversmith's
art adds zest to the delight Of en-
tertaining. This pleasure can
be anticipated by looking over
the array of McCreery silver.
Dignity and beauty of design are
one of its outstanding features.
We take particular pleasure in
helping our customers choose
those which are absolutely cor
rect.
Main Floor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-10-31
Imported Linens
(FJth Floor

Were you to visit the linen centres of the world,
you could obtain nothing finer than the linens
displayed in our department.
There are Irish and Scotch table cloths and
napkins Of recent Importation, real Madeira Hand
Embroidered linen Dinner, Luncheon and Tea
cloths, Italian Hand Embroidered SETS Italian
Filet Lace Reception cloths Scarfs and Centre
Pieces, French Hand made Cluny Lace trimmed
and embroidered In short, sets for all occasions
made by the master workers in linen and lace.
McCreery Linens are famous for their quality
famous also are their moderate prices.
(Mdin Floor