davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
West indian Animals of Old.

An expedition of American scientists
have just returned from trip Of ex-
ploration In the West Indfes where
they made many remarkable discover
les. 1t has been generally supposed
that the thousands of islands, many
of them very small, in this general
group were raised from the sea at
some period long past. The scientists
found many fossils, however, which
show that the isaeds were once popu-
lated with many d finals larger than
any living today. Son,e Of these are Of
the rodent type which fourished in
remote geological times. The ques-
ton is, how could these animals have
found their way to the islands far out
at sea? 1t is calculated that they lived
about 100000 years ago. 1t is sup
posed, therefore, that the West Indies,
as we know them, We're once connected,
with the mainland or We're parts of a
great continent with mountains and
rivers. and the widely separated islands
are mere fragments of the original
body.-Boys Life.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

Western Writer Frankly Admits His
Ignorance Of Game Sometimes
Called "coW-P ASSURE" Pool,

We ought to be ashamed Of 1t, but
the truth is that we have never been
able to work up any sympathy or
interest in golf, says the Seattle Post
ntelligencer. They tell us that it is
most absorbing game after one has
learned the fine points. but on the sur
face it appears to be waste of beef
"a trifling and infantile occupation
with two full-grown men knocking n
little rubber ball about the grass, get
ting 1t into a hole and out again to
the next hole. And the technical Ian
guage they use!
The London Times, printed in q
country in which golf has even great
err vogue than here, furnishes whole
pages of golf chatter like this:
Duncan and Mitchell began to make
mistakes at the eighth-a nasty dog
legged hole which demands exception
ally straight play from the tee and
with the second. Hagen and Iarnes
won that hole and never afterward
looked back. The further they went
the better they played. They got back
another hole at the thirteenth; two
superb drives We're responsible for
them winning the next; they squared
at the sixteenth, and finished the first
round one Up.
"Once they secured grip on the
game-slender though 1t was-the
Americans did not lose it. Mitchell
and Duncan fought hard, but neither
could produce any funny stuff STn-
can holed five-yarder at the hf.h,
the longest putt holed in either round,
but 1t was only a flash, and steadily
wearing their opponents down, Hazen
and Barnes finished the match on the
sixteenth green
What, do you suppose, is "dog-
legged" hole? And the straight play
from the tee and with the second"
And "holing a fige-yarder from the
Hfth?" But all this criticism is the
mere ebullition Of ignorance. in
which, perhaps, the public largely
shares. What do the ignorant call 1t
in derision? "Cow-pasture pool"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Miracle of Ingenuity.

The air turbine of l. T. Nedland,
North Dakota artisan, is less than one
twentieth of an inch in diameter and
weighs only one-fifth of grain troy.
1t has eight parts, the casing being Of
gold and the motor of steel. The
motor, which has six slots, has diam
eter of 0.O32 inch; the shaft. O.0O7
inch. Mounted on hollow pedestal
the turbine is driven at a high rate of
speed by jet of compressed air en-
tering at the bottom. This seems to
be the tiniest of all motors, being
smaller than the same makers cleo
trio motor and steam engine, each of
which is reputed to be the smallest
machine of the kind in the world.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
INTEREST IN OLD MANsEs
Traveller Flnds Atmosphere Of Ro-
nance Surrounds Picturesque
Abodss Of Eastern States.

Vacation pilgrims travelling by au-
tomobile or trolley or pursuing the
less exhilarating but more tranquil joy
Of exploring country highways and by
ways on foot or drawn by some faith
ful old Dobbin have singled out about
every structure or locality famous in
song, story and history. Wayside inns,
taverns, military headquarters, church.
e and the birthplaces of celebrities
have all come in for their share of
worship.
There is, however, one species Of
landmark which seems to have es-
capped the special attention of those
interested in relics Of our pious fore
fathers-the old manses of New Eng
land and the middle states. The rec
tory or parsonage Of today was known
In the time of our ancestors by the
old Scotch title Of manse.
At first thought it might seem that
no more particular interest would
hover about these ancient manses than
about any Of the picturesque homes of
an earlier century. Indeed it is not
30 much in outward appearance that
they are to be set apart, but because
OF an intangible atmosphere of sacred
romance surrounding them-invisible
|. Clouds of glory" trailing back to the
days when the manse played a most
important part in the life of the COM
munity. Furthermore each of these
old ministerial dwellings has story
all Of its own. 1t was by accident
/ discovered this, and now whenever
happy chance takes me to new To-
cality the first place hunt up is the
manse.-Chicago Daily News.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Hardly Complimentary.

A clerk in the employ Of Chicago
business man, while fair worker, is
yet an individual Of pronounced eccen-
tricity. One day wire basket fell
off the top Of the clerks desk and
scratched his cheek. Not having any
courtplaster at hand, he slapped on
three two-cent postage stamps and con-
tinued his work. A few minutes
later he had occasion to take pa
per to his employers private Office.
When he entered. the "old man." OBJ
serving the postage stamps on the
clerks cheek, fixed him with an as
tonished stare. Look here, Tom I"
he exclaimed. "You are carrying too
much postage for second-class mat
teri"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
ideal Pair.

The proprietor of a drinking place
in southern province Of the Phil
ippines married native woman whom
he pronounced the ideal wife. AS
Fritz discussed his wares he informed
his customers with mathematical GER
tainty that his wife was "the bestest
woman in da world" No one disputed
till a Scotsman insisted upon know
ing why she was. The question rath-
err disturbed the mental processes Of
Fritz but in a moment or two he an
swered confidently: "Vat I drinks, she
drinks"
The Scotsman was not quite salts
fed. what does she tl1ink?" he con-
tnued. "Noddings," replied Fritz with
his usual stolidity.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Or an Outside Nall.

He had bought house. It had
been such bargain that he couldn't
risk waiting till his fiancee saw 1t.
But. she was delighted to hear the
news and questioned him eagerly
about it.
GLOW many clothes closets are there
Henry" she demanded.
"There are six" replied the man,
proudly.
'But that's hardly enough, Henry"
"What do your want with more than
six closets? That's enough to hang
your clothes in, is 1t not?"
Eyes, DEAR" replied the maiden,
firmly. But you'll want part of one
for your clothes, won't you, Henry1''
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
HPiazzaS.0

"Piazzas" 1 have written through
out, and I insist upon the name as 1
insist upon the thing. 1t is not very
clear from what suggestions our fore
fathers in post-colonial days. devel-
oped the thing, and it is not clear at
all how they came to adopt for it an
italian name, changing the significance
as well as the sound
In the South they have always said
gallery" and here at the North
porch now appears to be displacing
"piazza." But these are rightly the
names of other things, and while
there can, of course, be no objection
to the orthodox English "veranda," it
seems a pity to abandon distinc-
lively American name for distnc-
lively American kind of veranda. -
Mrs. Schuyler Van Rensselaer, in
Scribner's Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Silver Fox Hard to Catch.

On Mount Whitney and its white
crested neighbors of the stupendous
Sierra Nevada, within sight of burning
Death valley, and at the portals of
semitropic. southern California, says
the Philadelphia Record. trappers and
sportsmen are gradually discovering
that wild life teens in variety ana
numbers as in few If any other regions
Of similar proportions on the globe.
The rarest Of it's treasures for milady
Is the silver fox. OF these there have
been captured half a dozen worth from
$500 to $1,000 each, and many of
smaller value. The silver f,x's coat
is coal black, with luster of FURNISH
ed white metal, and white tip to the
tail. Apparently it is quite abundant
in the place referred to, but extremely
difficult to catch.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
RESERVED FaR ANOTHER CAY
English oa,cer's Escape From Awful
Death Proved Il Was Not His
Time to Die.

A BRITISH officer, who WIS attached
TO one Of the military missions in this
country, tells Of The escape q friend of
his ia lndia laa from q mad elephant.
Ehe tga,e had "a making mighty ef-
forts 81 NIeac The stake to which
It WAS cllaiie said at last it succeed
cd, Wth the FIRST desperate bound
forward IRE heavy ankle chains
fr;yea and w0sn in one link, had
snaH9al oai!pr and with The huge
stake tga!ins behind it the elephant
charged down on lne camp With a
scream Of fury
The cry was raised Run, run, sa-
hjbs the tlsker has gone mad. He
has broken loose!"
Tire White men started to their feet
and ram The servants fed in all di
rectiens. One nlun was oyertaken and
Killed anoihlf vas seized and flung
i'sto The river ana hen the maddened
beast vent Its fpry on the tent.
I'gole the other shore OF The river
the Briilslars ca1ad see he elephant
&ho Aad bus scattered them, in a
petfeei frenzy of rage. laleeIng on
FIX sfiRp hap Of cloth, furniture
and lu'GS and di ilg his tusSs with
sav4Ge'fHly mo lie Hdtsiass and can
vas IN the Very abandonment Of rage.
7gan 3heE rsaized that their friend
on9 canoanian Mcintyre, had heen
left ~ iils tent They leld their
ifre.3fb aI{G d.}ppd nor fDnt INTO one
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Candles on Toast!

An adult Eskimo is capable of con-
Stunning twenty pounds of flesh and oil
daily. A Yakut will wash down this
quantity of flesh with quart or two
Of train-oil, and take as dessert
dozen tallow candles.
A famous naturalist, who cooked
part Of boaconstrictor, declared that
it tasted very much like veal On an
other occasion he tested crocodile and
pronounced the flesh excellent.
Frobisher and Settle both comment
ed on the way the inhabitants around
Hudson's Bay used to eat grass.
"Such grass" says Settle, "as the
country produceth. they pluck up and
eat, not daintily or salad-wise. but like
brute beasts"
Humboldt tells Of men living on the
banks of the Orinoco who eat earth.
They knead the earth into balls of
from four to six inches in diameter,
and bake them before slow fire.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
A Perfect Thirty-Slx.

G. S. Wyckoff, the Vigo county scout
executive, is both very tall and very
slender. The other day one of his
young friends said laughingly. "Since
uniforms make person so much more
popular, believe I'll have to, get me
one. Oh. by the way" she continued.
"do you happen to have all old suit Of
khaki like this one. thought might
get it and have it cut down for my
self"
The executive nodded. "Sure," he
agreed. you can have it. But you
won't need to have it cut down. Just
roll it up instead Indianapo
News.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
PTavlno Safe.

"Rastus, how 1t is you have given
up going to churchr' asked Pastor
Brown.
"well, sah," replied Rastus. Its
dis way. I likes to take an active
part, an used to pass de collection
basket, but dey's give de Job to
Brothah Green, who Jest returned
from ovah tha-ah."
"In recognition Of his heroic serv-
ice, l suppose7
mo, sab, l reckon he got dat job
in reco'nition O. his having lost one o
his hands."-Argonaut.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Plano Requires Eine Timber.

There is no other industry for which
greater variety of fine timber is re-
quired, and none in which the timber
must be seasoned more carefully tAan
piano-building. The varieties incluae
Canadian spruce, American oak ard
wildwood, Honduras mahogany and
best English beech. Sounding boards
arc lade of Swiss pine, the "Ahies
ESceisa," which is nothing but the
Christmas tree with which we are all
80 familiar. All this timber has to
be seasoned in special heating
chamber, where it IS subjected for
days together to powerful draft OF
dry air. 1t was not until more than
half of the eighteenth century had
passed that the piano became popu-
lar.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Irving In ENGLAND.

It is a pleasing sight, of Sunday
morning, when the he'll is sending its
sober melody across the quiet fields,
to behold the peasantry In their best
finery, with ruddy faces, and mod
est cheerfulness, thronging TRANQUILITY
along the green lanes to church; but
1t is still more pleasing to see them
in the evenings. gathering about their
cottage doors, and appearing TO exult
in the humble comforts and embellish-
ments which their own hands have
spread around them. = Washington
Irving.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Youth and Age.

Nobody, so far, has found real
substitute for youth, although some
surgical experiments are asserted to
have beeA successful in restoring
vitality and youthful spirits. Youth
after all, is state of mind as well as
span of years. Men and women are
not old at sixty: they are not old at
seventh, nd when eighty is reached
man them refuse to be shelyed
One look upon life is li TO
det2I nc whether one is to se
real living OF 90 TO seed. Yes
men retired forty or fifty and were
not WORT / 10 their communities
after thar. N2~ a nan stays III the
harness, alternating work and play
So, in reality, he never grows old in
spirit, regardless of an accumulation
Of many years when birthdays come
Old age is something of a habit. 1t is
easy enough to acquire if one seeks
1t, but If youth is desired one may
have it, and forget about the birth
days.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
He Didn't Have 70 Lie.

Dick had been spending the day
with little playmate, and when his
mother called for him he hoped in
the machine and settled himself COM
fortably, saying: '9Thank heavens,
that's once / didn't have to tell a
lie."
His mother asked what he meant,
and he said: "Well, you see Mixes
mother wasn't home, so I didn't have
to say had good time, cause
didn't"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Richness Of the Sea.

Every ton of water contains one
yrain of gold. There are over four
thousand million tons of water in a
cubic mile, and the oceans are estimat-
ed to contain three hundred million
cubic miles of water. Thus 1t is easy
o reckon the amount of gold in the
sea. 1t is about 100000 tons.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Childish REASONING.

Elizabeth's mother died three years
ago. Recently her father also passed
away, leaving ten-year-old Elizabeth
the eldest of three little girls. She
was placed in girls school, wher,
she was telling the sister of her mis-
fortune. God needed Them" was the
sisters only consolation. To which
lizzie exclaimed: Maybe he did, but
I think we kids needed them worse"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
A RELIEF.

s'You don't know how much you
have cheered me-" said the fashion
able physician.
"Why. doctor. how can I, sick man,
cheer you?"
because you are really sick and
need my professional skill to cure you.
Most of my patients are rich people
with Imaginary ailments. I'm glad TO
gel chance now and then to practice
something besides deception."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Ancient Idea Of Comets

Ancient peoples. puzzled by these
iwe-inspiring phenomena, proclaimed
hat comets are composed of the sins
If mortals. which. ascending to the
'ky. and so coming to the notice of
God, are set on fire by his wrath"
This Interpretation of comets, though
convenient for making people more re-
tigious, was not otherwise valuable.
By 1850 A. d. a good deal was known
shont tho laws aavarninr tham
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
PIavino the Game.

"Why don't you go into politicsr'
asked the summer boarder.s
I'm already in" replied Farmer
Corntossel. "I'm takin' a deep inter-
est in several kinds Of election"
"But you never join the conversation
in that line"
SIN glad you noticed that. What
I'm tryin' to train for at present 10
recognition as a sphinx"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Variety, Too.
"Look at my engagement rirg. Jack
has such taste"
"IIe certainly has, and then he new.
or gives two girls the same design"
Closely Related.

Rob was born the same day as bis
cousin, Helen. Both children started
TO public school at the same time ami
the teacher was family friend of
Helen's. but did not know Rob On
asking Helen if Rob We're her cousin,
she replied: Eyes, ma'am; Rob and
ire twins"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Neither Satisfactory.

Edwin-Which'll we see? There's
an awfully funny Charley Chaplin at
the Biiou. You'll split your sides.
Then there's "Shrieking Souls at the
Scarehead. It'll make your hair stand
on end.
Angelina-Can't you think of some
thing else? I'm wearing my new
georgette waist and I've just had a
permanent wave.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
an !niualeious lnauiry.

Benson--i sold my first poem when
I was only sixteen. and have been
writing eFer since.
Binls-And have you ever sold an
other?-I4ondon Answers.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

Great Aunt Mary that ever lived!
"And more than one person wished
the same as Allie Baa," said Daddy,
for all who knew Great Aunt Mary
loved her and hoped they could wish
her happy returns on birthday after
birthday for years and years and
years I"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
alkinn No Chances.

Mrs, Al rea.tg believe she had
her second husband selected before
5he was divorced from the first.
Aif& B--Certainiy. Why else should
she ger Il diyorceg
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

AOA y.
oh, yes" said
Nancy, "and I
know that her
real name is q
terrifcaliy long
enc. What is 1t
now, Daddy? I've
lest forgotten for
the moment"
'dier real name,"
said Daddy, SIS
Alice Gustava
Ariel Star Jewel
Bright Carol Car
M Ell Guculnber-
Green.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

a little with JOY.
for she loved Aunt
Mary, who had
often let her sit
near her and draw
UP close as an af-
fectionate, loving
doll likes to do.
"And she told
her mother to tell
Great Aunt Mary
that she was so
happy with her
letter. and that
she hoped Great
Aunt Mary would
have many, many
happy returns OF
her birthday, for
sha was thn hest
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Southern confectionerx

"Gee whizl Dey got cherries an
Strawberries an all kinds of fruit
covered with candy. What kind shall
! get, Rastus?"
"Give me chocolate coated water
melon. New York Central Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
cnly One.

"IIas the young man TO whom you
ere engaged any bad habits?"
only one,n answered the bright
girl. "Ife is very much inclined to
scold other people about their bad
habits"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Proved.

Mr.. Murfee-sllre, an what's the
matter With the goat this mornin'?
Mrs. Murfee-Sure, he Sat up a pair
OF my old corsets.
"Didn't | tell you that corsets were
snhealtAy?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
The Proverbs APPLIED.

~ am tired Of giving wedding pres
ents," said johnson.
well, returned his cynical compan-
ion, at is better to give than to RS
ceiye."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
When the Clothes Give QUE.

When the Clothes Give Out.
''You seem to be in quandary. ODE
diah."
81 am. With few alterations this
barrel could be made to fit me, but I
don't know whether to take it to q
carpenter or to tailor."-Judge.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Tomn,s Proud Boast.

This town has young man who
pawned his watch to obtain money for
q bath. We contend that this is a
claim 10 distinction possessed by no
other town OF earth Shawnee Regis
ter
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Hard Luck.
He sold his house
And made three thou.
But has no place
10 live in now.
Legal is'vice.

81 object 10 familiarity. What can
do II nan persists in calling rue
Old top?n
Hum said the absent-minded
laNysr, going into brown study.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Coffee Tree Crows 30 Ene+

The coffee tree in q wild state VIII
frow to heigllt of 20 feet; when chi
dvated 1t is ptuned down to five feet
or convenience in gathering the Der
ties.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

should say it was h I mothers make
believe name.
'Iler mother is 4 erownuo lady
now, but still she has \ a Allie Baa,
and when little girls 80 to coll on
her she brings out Allie Baa and Allie
ut once makes friends.
Nov, this sumler Allies mother
went to the sea shore. She left allie
in charge of the city apartment, She
told Allie to keep watch over the
apartment and to see That all was
safe. Allie was the name She was al
ways called by for short, as you know.
"Now, when Allies great aunfs
iirlhdaE came she wanted to send her
present rs she had always done.
so She sent some pillows for the porch
where her great aunt loved TO sit.
"On the day of the birthday n the
excitqnent Allies great aUnt did not
see the little card which said:
"'To Dear Great-Aunt Mary, With
love and many happy returns from
Allie Baa."
'Isut the next day when Allies
great aunt was looking over her pros
ents she found the little card and
knew then that 1t was TO have gone
with the present of the pillows which
She had opened and which she had
thought some one else had given to
her
We'll she sat right down and she
wrote Allie Baa this letter and sent
It to be given to Allie Baa, care Of
Allie's mother, who was at the sea
shore, as have told you.
",Ehis was the letter Al'ie received,
and because she thought ii was such
nice letter she wanted to let Nick
and Nancy and their friends bear it,
too.
"uv Dear Allie Baa' the letter
commenced
~ find this morning on reading
over my birthday cards that the pill
lows are from YOU SO will you please
accept my thanks for your sensible,
most useful, pretty gift. When l re
ceived my presents yesterday 1t was
a distinct loss not to find gift from
you, and / thought perhaps you we're
too hot to shop or had some other good
reason. But / nm glad / hclght
wrongly and you did remember me as
Of old.
81 shall think of you. as l lie. sit
or ''bacl up" agaipst these pillowe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
all : RAA's LETTER.

sAllie Baa," said Daddy, "is rag
doll you have both heard of be-
fore y
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30

-,---'' -----,,s--r- ~, -'srr---.'-'-- -.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
Plain Truth

One of the sublimest things in this
.orld is plain truth.-Coleridge.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1920-09-30
GREAT AUNT NARY,

and the paint on her face cracked just