South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19


who doesn't ike noises that he can
not understand. We knew him when
no was n boy and took his drum
apart 20 see what made IL boom. /
He didn't find out. but the expert /
mont started him on a career Of in
vestigation which will carry him a I
long way-probabiy as far as jail II
ne persists IN II. At ali events there /
are members OF the family who /
hope so.
Now, TO make a necessary digres- ]
sion. radiators under certain cir
cumstances, make noises. The plum T,
Der who puts them in will assure
sou that they are equipped with sill
encers. and could not in the still
watches OF the night begin 20 clank
like the chains on lost souls. II they
tried TO. The janitor OF the apart 4
1nent Will swear that he's inspected
'em all, and that he'll stake his life,
his fortune and his sacred honor on
their good behavior. OF course Of
these commodities he only has his
life. which you do not regard as
valuable so you do not take the bet.
But, anyway, you sometimes be-
lieve him. and so your faith In jani-
tor nature Is shaken when just as
the noises on the street outside are
subsiding. the radiator pipes up its
even song
There are noises and noises. such
for instance, as the carol OF birds,
the rattle OF musketry. and the
banging OF a radiator. The last is
the worst OF the lot. or OF any other
lot. It is doubly disturbing because
1T IL not regular.
The average noise is dependable.
IL comes IN regular cycles. You
know when 10 expect Il. A pneu-
matte riveter. for example, will luH
you TO sleep like soft music as soon
as your ear drums get sufficiently
Callou9ed so you can stand II at all.
But the radiator Is spasmOdic. It
c,anks two. three or four times, and
then relapses into silence. Just as
YOU think il is a union radiator and
has gone of the job. Il begins again
not steadily but now and then
just often enough 70 wake you up
when you doZe off.
] never knew why Il preferred TO
Clank at night-Dut IL Is probably
due 20 It's fear that the police will
come In and make trouble for II, II
Il starts racket In the daytime At
night there are few police about. and
such as are on their beats are US
ually too busy looking for bootleg
gers to bother much with radiators
Why they are looking for bootleg
gers at night Is matter 10 be ans
1vered by their own consciences.
A Misplaced Guest
To return to the gentlemen we
started to tell you about He spent
a week end with us. and was quar-
gered In the guest room. where there
IS a particularly strident radiator,
inactive at times. but quite empha-
tic when II gets going.
He'd had "A hard day sight seeing
and he wanted TO sleep. He says he
was bothered quite a little by the
dunn bwaiter but when the family
up stairs had got I'm the extra fee
and bottles OF orange juice that
they needed for their party. the
Gdm bwaiter ceased TO function. The
elevator didn't disturb him because
the elevator boy, who is disturbed
0y nothing, was asleep down stairs
Jntil about half past two the
raditor nUrsed It's grudEe against the
family in silence. Then IL Clank-
tentatively a time or two Getting
no results 70 clanked again. "a little
louder. At the nth clank. our
Euest arose. went over 10 II. and
That seemed 70 quiet it. but not
for long. Soon II began again, with
a steady trregularity. II YOU know
wat I mean. Now our guest had
lived IN furance heated houses all
his life. and didn't understand radi-
atOrs He theOTized about the noise.
but counldn't account for e. There
we're no moving parts inside. He
was sure OF that. How then could
&c clank The only way was to find
ont.
He was 10th 10 awaken the faml-
y and ask any questions. Besides
ne had unlimited confidence in his
own investigating ability He lit the
light and twisted the little jigger
At che end or the raditor a cloud
Of whistle steam shot forth up into
and the raditOr put forth an entire
ly new sort or a clank. accompanied
by low and hateful hiss Z was
apparent that twisting the little jig
ser hadn't helped much.
But the guest was not a man 20
be lightly brushed aside BY a mere
raditor. he hunted vainly through
the kitchen OF the apartment for
tools. but couldn't find any. Then
ne went down stairs, woke I'D
taxi driver who was asleep in his
cab. and for a dollar rented from
him a Seilson wrench 4 Stllson
wrench is a sort OF mechanical ALI
gator with steel teeth Plum bers
use them TO destroy nickel plated
bath room fixtures with TAX dr.v-
Us anu cnduntuFS carry them be-
cause they are useful IA arguments
with other chauffeurs.
This Stilson wrench ne carried 10
The guest room and began his in
Vestigations Il was about that time
that heard him and came I'm 20 find
put what was the matter
THE WRECkER.
When ! saw him untwisting the
pipe that fed steam TO the radltor
protested, and offered 20 call the
ianltor. But he said he knew
mere about machinery than a thous-
and janitors. and that he was going
10 Hndout what vs. the matter. or
know the reason why.
After the third twist the thread
~ the pipe grew wobbiy. and the
low and hateful kissing that had
come from the little jigger was
shifted 90 the joint IL became
louder and louder as the twisting
proceeded. and then 10 his aStonisn-
snent and my horror my friend was
shot Ike projectile over al ada