davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Working A System

Dick-"I think Ethel will make
fine wife. have been calling on her
for six months now and nearly always
have found her darning her fathers
socks"
Jack-"That caught me, too, until
l found out that it was the same SOCK"
Boston TRANSCRIPT.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
The RetOrt
DiScOurteOuS

Years ago Thomas A. Edison used to
try to instill the rudiments of science
into the head of his young son and
never overlooked an opportunity to
use some everyday happening to illus
trate some principle of mechanics.
On this particular occasion, CHANGING
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Saw Trouble Ahead

The government official Of the coun-
ty district who had charge Of that
part Of the census which deals with
farm products, had instructed the old
farmer to collect his stock of every
description and have them branded.
Il spose that's all right" sighed
the farmer dolefully, but, honest,
mister, b'lieve I'm going to have one
hell of a time with them bees. "-Ex-
change.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Had Something Coming

you are charged with selling adul-
terated milk" said the judge.
your Honor, l plead not guilty"
But the testimony shows that it is
rs per cent water"
Then it must be high-grade milk, y
returned the plaintiff. eff your Honor
will look up the word milk in your
dictionary you will find that it con-
tains from 80 to 80 per cent water. |
should have sold it for cream. Sue
cess Magazine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Good Easy Job

"An easy job would suit me, boss"
remarked the applicant.
well, how about winding the clocks
each week."
81 might make that do, though I'd
prefer the job of tearing off the leaves
of the calendars once month. "-Ex-
change.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Bad Day For Losses

A small boy came hurriedly down
the street., and halted .breathlessly in
front of stranger going in the same
direction.
Have you lost half CROWN" he
asked with his hand in his pocket.
Eyes, yes, believe have!" said the
stranger feeling in his pockets. "Have
you found one?"
ooh, no." said the small boy. Il
want to see how many have been lost
today. Yours makes fifty-four. r.
London Tit-Bits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
A Game of Perhaps

The other day lady and her daugh-
ter, who live in a service fiat in town,
received by post two stalls for the
alter, an accompanying note running:
perhaps you will guess from whom
these come. Hope you will have a
pleasant evening" They used the
stalls, enjoying the play extremely.
and, returning home, found their fiat
ransacked by burglars. And awaiting
them was another note: perhaps you
can guess now who Sent the tickets"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Quite Another Man

who was Nero, Bill?" asked one
student of another. Wasn't he the
chap who was always cold?"
mo" said the wise student, that
was Zero-another guy altogether"
Lehigh Burr.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Lucky?

"Sure, it's Mike that's the lucky
man."
"How's that?"
"Why, he just took out an insurance
policy for $4,000 and the very next
day he fell off the bridge and got
drowned in the river.-American Le-
gion Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
He Might Have Had

Bill heard as how you've been
fighting with Bob Smith? @
Sam-Yes. He said my sister was
cross-eyed.
Bill-Rut you amt got a sister.
Sam-I know that. 1t was the prin-
ciple of the thing that upset me.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Quite Necessary

TITS got so these days that man
can hardly wed unless he can show
he girl two licenses"
1.-TWO licenses"
Eyes, marriage and automobile"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Wit and HunOr
Well Named

What do You call your baby" she
asked the grinning young mother.
Memberships" replied the parent.
Memberships" exclaimed the
nurse. What's the idea, Mandy"
I'VE done named her Weathah.
strips, cause she kept her papa out
of the draft. Exchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
No Great Harm

Mistress-Mercy, Hilda! You must.
MT clean the plates with your handker.
chief!
Hilda-Oh, that's all right, ma'am ;
is only dirty one.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Gosh, Who'd A Thought?

l know a party across the tracks
who's maxim pretty good article Of
cider with clothes wringer.-~Marces-
lus Observer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-24
Land All Patched

For Sale-One acre of land In good
repair. Ia, Banner.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
/. Election

chusetts avenue northeast. Election
of officers.
The hOys' athletic cIub of the Bir-
ney Community Center will meet thls
evening at the school
The LOvejOy Community Center vii
hold this evening an exhibit OF produce
raised in the community gardens On
AnacOstia flats.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
Idle Talk.

| hear poor hicks talk politics
from dawn until the cleaning.
and. calm and cool, ! groom my
mule. her fetlocks currycombng.
Oh, L might talk around the
block with every passing neigh
Dor. ] might devote to Hardlng'S
goat the time | spend i'll labor.
but I'm inclined to keep in mind
the fact that winters coming,
when storms will whoop around
my coop, and billiards will be
lnlmming. do my chores while
all outdoors is full of idle yawp-
ing. for still the hicks, talk poll
tics. and keep the welkin pop
ping. thresh my beans and
other greens. my prune trees
wisely guarding; my boosts or
knocks won't hinder Cox, or put
a crinp in Harding. 3 Whoever
wins. you'fl see my bins well
filed with spuds and carrots;
my crops raise while other jays
talk bunk like locoed parrots.
Sometimes at night. by candle
light. when all my work is end
ed. l spiel while of campaign
guile. in language high and
splendid. And people list in awe.
| wist. as though to some law
eiver. to plans I've planned::' this
weary land iran bondage to de
liver But in the day ! toll
away. the. lean earth amply lard
ing. and heave no rocks at Jim
mic Cox, and heave no bricks at
Harding. WALT MASON.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19

- ExprS~s sNour Thoughts
throu gh. tina medium of Guides fresh
cut Mowers, 12l4 F.-Adyertisement
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
CITY NEWS IN BRIEF .

The Massachusetts, Society will meet
this evening at s o'clock at the Thorn
son School. 18th and l. streets.
The South Washington Citixens' As
ISOLATION will meet tomorrow evening
at o'clock at the jefferson School.
The mIs~ionary committee of the
Church will meet to-
morrow at :4a pm. DIR. and Mrs.
Gates will speak
The Public Library has Installed At
its Friendship House Branch, 32G Vir-
adults. boys and girls, and SO books
on fairy tales. This branch is open
every Wednesday evening from 5 to 9.
Chapter A. Of the p. F.. o. Sister
hood will meet tomorrow evening at
o'clock at the home of Miss Bertha
Gray. S23 Eye street northwest. Nom
AFFILIATED members are welcome.
The w..hias tou wellesley Clubs win
hold its monthly meetingfat the $Col-.
lege Woman's Club tomorrow after
noon at o'clock. -
The WashlnEt0n Restaurant and
Cafeteria Association: WIFI hold
social entertainment in the. banquet
! yum VI Tue ChaSCo SdtStCAids 4VVo
street northwest. at o'clock this
evening.
The Mount Pleasant !. o. o. r. Ledge
will hold a reception for unaf1iliated
members of the orderHat o'clock this
evening at the lodge room, 18th and
Kenyon streets northwest. a.
There will BE . dance 1t Trinity
Home tonight at O'Clock.
COmmlasioner J. Thiis,aa Hendrlek,
who superyises the FIRE department,
will deliver an address to the City
Fire Fighters Association in the
board room of The District building at
O'Clock fought This will be the first
opportunity for the firemen to meet the
new Commissioner
Transaction Of routine kvAinen. -.
cupied the session Of Central Labor
Union at Musicians. Hall, l0aC n
street, last night. The meeting adj
jOnrned within an hour after conyen-
ing.
There will be debate ON tie league
of nations at the Park View eommu-
nifty Center. Newton ond -WaTder
streets. tonight at 8 o'clock.
The community social club will mae,
lhIs evening at $50. at the East
Community Center. Fact
ern High School. 7th street and Penn.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
SUFFRAGE. AMENDMENT.
Court Refuses /! to Advance
: - Hearing of Suit.

The supreme Court Yesterday refused
TO advance The hearing of the suit
brought by Charles s.. Fairchld for
on injunction restraining Secretary
colby from pr0md1gatingrthe federal
suffrage amendment. This. precludes
any possibility of the case being
heard she fore the November election.
The.Snpre Court will recess from
Oct obers' To- November 5. il was an
nounced.
The Supreme Court refused to re-
view the" convic1ionsin New York of
the -Amereahs Socialist Party for vio-
lating-the espionaRs act. The party
was fined GOO for publishing pam
phlet by Scott Neariasg. entitled THE
treat Madness. Wearing was tried
at the same time. but was acquitted
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19

sylvania avenue southeast. The Car
berry Boy Scouts. the Boy Scout Band
and the millinery and dressmaking
club will meet at the same place and
time.
Repatriation for classes In Dress
making and millinery viii be held at
the Catholic Womenss Community
House, Col T. street northwest.
The Petworth- Citizens Association
will meet this evening at 8 o'clock in
the Methodist Church. Commiss Toner
Boardman will speak. Nomination of
officers will he held.
Carroll Council. knights Of Column
bus. will hold "midautumn social
and dance" this evening at S:15. in the
hall. soc Il street northwest.
The Illinois State Society will hold
wiener roast this evening at
Thomson School. This was postponed
from Saturday.
The BuFrvllie Community Center
will hold registration this evening for
the following classes: Dressmaking
millinery, knitting. Girl Scouts. Bible
study, embroidery. young mems ath
letic club work and Boy Scouts.
The Metropolitan Union. w. &. Il. H.,
VIII holdit first meeting of the sea-
son tomorrow evening at 8 O'Clock, at
the home of Mrs. A. Cady. 72S Massa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
RECEPTION TO DR.. BALLou
johnson Powell Community Body
to Open Season.

With a reception to DR.. Frank W
BallQu. superintendent Of schools
the Johnson Powell Community As
sociation will open its seasons ac
tivities at the Powell School tonight
at o'clock.
Mrs. Giles Scott, Rafrer. presiden,
of the community assOciat ton, VIII
present DR.. Ballou. In the receiving
line will be Miss Cecil b. Norton. gen
era1 secretary of the community cen
ter department Of the public schools
DR.. A. A. Cheney. president of tn
Mount Pleasant Citizens Association
and r. L. Laycock. supervising principal
of the third division
A musical program will be- rendered
by Mrs. Wayne b Wheeler. soloist OF
the Washington Heights Presbyterian
Church. Interpretative dances vii
be presented by Misses Betty ana
Jeanne Richards.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
TRANSFER NAVAL OFFICERS.

Four. more naval officers have been
detached from duty at the Naval War
College and assigned to duty elsewhere.
Capt. Adolphns Andrews is assigned to
he command of the u. s. s. Promo
thus. Cant. Edward II. Campbell to
ths. staff OF Vice Admiral Williams of
the Pacific tieet, Capt. Walter r. Che
,ardt'to the bureau, of navigation NAVY
Department. and Comma nder William
". Sinytb TO the, bureau OF ordnance
Ivy Dapa ri m=nt
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
Special Film Features

CIRrIE 2lo5 Pa. Ave. Phi. ". s5s.
SAANAAA ALICE LAKE. in THE MIS-
FIT WIFE" ROlin comedy.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
FIRE SCARE AT WILLARD.

Grease in q. fine leading from the
kir-Aen in the Willard Hotel lssitkd
Lac. s:ght shortly before I o'clock and
caused a FIRE scare. Smoke from the
dire PRAYED annoying. Two companies
of fren,en %respondsd to stir
alarm and quickly extinsuished the
bls-- M damage resulted
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
WILL SPEAK FOR COX.
Baker and Daniels to
Make Active Campaign.

Secretaries Baker and Daniels will
engage in active campa igning in the
Interest of the democratic presidential
candidate from now until the day of
the election. Secretary Baker left Wash
tngton Yesterday for n trip extending
10 the Pacific coast He will speak in
cleveland. Chicago. st. Louis. Omaha
Butte. Mont: Seattle. San Francisco
and Los Angeles and other cities on
the route. a..
Secretary Daniels left Sunday, and
Is booked for speeches in Springfield.
H.. Carthage and Chanute. Mo-: Kan
sas city Ottawa .and Leavenworth,
Kan. Lincoln and Omaha. Neb; Cedar
Rapids. Iowa, Chicago and various
cities in Indiana and Ohio
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
ORGANIZATION ACTIVITIES.

AFTERNOON.
The ARCHAEOLOGICAL Society Of Wash
ington will meet in room 4243 of the
new building Of the National Museum
at 4:45.
EVENING.
The Columbia Historical Society meets
at the Cosmos Club Assembly Hall at
Sis
The Della ware State Society meets at
the Wilson Normal School al o'clock.
The Strayer's School of Accountanct
opens it's junior class at s o'clock.
sMount Vernon Council. No. 10. Junior
Order of United American Mechanics,
will hold dance at the Masonic Tenn
pie, Sth and F streets northeast, at $40.
Miss Marie Boynton will talk on cur
rent events at COZ 18th street at 7:30.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
w., B. & A. CASE REHEARlNG
Commuters Will Ask Temporary
Suspension of Increased Rates.

A rphearine Of the ease Of the W.
IS & A. Commpters Club against
the Washington BaitimoPe' 4 An
napolis Electric galway Company
will be held TOMORROW morning at 10
o'clock by the Interstate Sommercc
Commission
Fhe commuters ill ask the Com
mission to suspend operation Of in
creased rates granted the road in
July. pending further Investigation
into the finances of the carrier.
The commuters will be repre- scented
by John IL. Riggl%s. president of the
club. and by Robinson White. Mrs
Annette- Ahbo1t Adams. assistant at
torney general oI the United States is
Investigating the rase for ,h" pef
partment of Justice.
~.
-----
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19
ADJUSTMENTS.
Evening Orchestral Concerts
New York Symphony Society
Walter Damrosch Conductor

walter UamrOSCh, Conductor
Oct -, Nov. -. Dec H. Jan. II. Feb -
AUDITORIUM NJ. CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL
Mr.. bamrosch will briefly anaIvze the
symphonies before they are played.
Auspices Washington Society of tn
Fine Arts
'ourse tickets. .........S ST. - 500 and 81; =.
lHhcr "f ~" society. 18th and New York I'VE 4
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-19

Flowers for 4. u. 4. Visitors.
Shaffer. 500 14th. furnishes the choices
advertisement
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1920-12-09
TWENTY ANSWER
BETHANY Is CALL
FORFLO0RMEN
BUFFALO CREEK LADS WILL POL
Low GREAT GR1DI1oN SUCCHSS
wITT GOOD FLOOR TEAM
Seysn Msmbsrs Of VARSITY Back In
School-Kslly, DORSEY and Ann
strong GOOD Men

BETHANY, w. Va. Dec. S.-Thc first
regular practice session for the Bethany
basketball squad was held today IN me
Irwin Gymnasium. About twenty men
reported. Light limbcring up exercises
were gone through with put this VIII
not BE- necessary for long as most OF tho
men who came out for the squad nave
BEN in football training.
From all indications Bethany's great
est year in the gridlTon sport Is 10 pc
followed by her greatest season On tne
floor. Among the men who reported LOT
practice today are seven OF last year
varsity, namely Randolph. (Capt) ana
Blue, ccnters; Collier Marsh and Hughes
guards; Allen and Roark, tor~aras. IN
addition to these there are NUMBER OF
men who come with Sooc recoInmenua-
lions from the various high schools OF
thu vicinity. Among these are Kelly ana
Armstrong Of ParkerSburg HI. dorsey OF
Clendennin, ". Va. all scholaSnG Suaru
in West Virginia last year and Melis,
tall. rangy lad from Ashland, ONO ana
r,,putcd TO be one Of tho pest from that
state last Year. Wells Will have 10 re,
place Captain Randolph If he Is TO lana
a regular berth and though he may De
good that means that he Will nave 10
step.
director Miller announces an excellent
schedule OF about twenty games. Inc
exact dates of all of these have not been
determined. At home the Grcen VIII
play Duqucsne. West Virginia Wesley
an, Westminster, MuSkinGum, Fairmont
Normal, Salem and Marietta Colleges;
All Of these teams. save Marietta ana
DuqueSne will be met on their own
floors also and in addition Bulands pro-
tegcs will meet West Virginia. western
Reserve, university OF Detroit. Alma
College, (Mioh), Michigan Aggles, Kal.
Toledo. The season opens with Du-
Quesno on January 4 at Bethany.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1920-12-09
KECK PRINCETON'S
STAR TACKLE, HAS A
GREAT GRID RECORD
Elected Captain Of Tigers In ls2l--Ths
! Unanimous Choice For An-Anert-
/ can on All Selections

James Stanton Keck, of Greensburg,
Pa, who was elected captain OF the
Princeton Tigers football eleven for
1921, has Il great grid record TO his
credit His work at tackle on the Prince
ton Varsity this year stamped him as
one OF the greatest linemen ever dcvel-
OpLd ut Old Nassau. He has the unique
recorc of having kicked every goal after
touchdown which he attempted in the
season just closed.
Keck entered Princeton in 1917, after
starring at Mercersburg. where Jack
Storcr, former LnHly star. Is now DONG
his preparatory work before entering the
Tigers school. He quickly broke into the
limelight by winning the Princcton-f ale
freshman game, the seasons big contest
in the absence OF varsity football that
rail-. with u SO yard placement Kick,
which made the score 81.
Before the end OF the first term of his
freshman year Keck left college and
joined the ambulance service, going al
served until some months after the ar
misticc The new Princeton captain
failed to show the extent of his abilities
in the season Of 1919 because of All in
jury which he sustained during the sum-
mcr and which did not allow him TO take
part in any OF the ScrlmmageS that year.
Despite this handicap, he started against
Yale and played an excellent game until
his leg forced him TO be taken out.
He has been the mainstay of Prince
tons line this year and one Of his chief
characteristics Is an uncanny ability t0
judge where play Is going, trait that
Is responsible for mavn I'll his taGiiIns
behind the line OF scrimmage.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1920-12-09
States Rifle Team
Prepares for Matches
ei,, nianatch 10 The Intelligcncer.

Special Dispatch to The Intelligcncer.
Morgantown. W. Va. Dec. S!-Practlce
nm delim!nation contests for places on
the West Virginia University Tifle team
have been started at the rifle pits In the
armonry here. and early reports show
some splendid shooting in practice.
While West Virginia did not. compete in
rifle shooting between colleges last year.
n great team Is certain this year.
Cadet Lieutenant Alvin NJ. Miller Is
captain Of an all-atar team and is lead
Ing the way in getting down to work as
an incentive for the remaining hfty
cand idates for the team. West Virginia
at present holds the worlds record In
small bore gallery shooting for the So
foot distance. This record was made In
1917, and Two members OF that cham
pionshlp team will again lead the way
this year.
Among those who have Varsity ex-
perienca are Miller. Moore. Ropp. Read
er. Williams Hammond. Bickel, Christie
pher and others. New men Of much
ability are numerous.
Captain Mumma. commandment OF ca
diets and special instructor In rifle
shooting. will give expert coaching for
the candidates. After the completion OF
trials and elimination tests this month.
practice matches will be held with ILL.,
nois. Pennsylvania Navy, Massschus-
etts. Tech, Michigan Aggies and others.
preliminary TO the opening OF the official
season in February.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1920-12-09
KAY ELECTED.
v, Y. CAP TAIN

Special Dispatch to The Intelligencer.
Morgantown. Dec. s. Although Joe
Harrick. right tackle Of the West Vir-
GINA University football team was the
favorite for the 1921 captaincy. he was
defeated by a large majority tonight at
the annual banquet Of the football men,
when the captaincy election was held,
the victor being Robert Kay, Of Leon.
Junior, who has played star game at
RICH guard the past three seasons.
No action was taken by the university
athletic authorities regarding the coach
ing Of the 1921 team, and the dissatis-
faction affecting Coach "Tubby" Mcln-
tire Is declared not to extend to the per-
sonnet Of the football men themselves.
and to be confined to the alumni at
large.
A feature Of the banquet. which was
held at the Masonic auditorium, was the
sending Of q telegram to President john
Grier Hibben, Of Princeton University,
thanking him for his tribute to the hign
quality Of the sportsmanshtp OF West
Virginia University football teams that
have appeared on Pr!nceton's field. This
tribute was spoken here last night when
President Hibben was the principal
speaker before one Of the college frater-
mites
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1920-12-09
PITT GAME FOR ". '. U.
NEXT YEAR IS EASIER
Mourtainesrs VIII Hit Easy Opposition
Saturday Before, While PanthSrs
Meet Lafayette.

Special Dispatch 70 The lntclligenccr.
Morgantowur, Dec. S.-For once II
seems that Glenn Warmers Pittsburgh
"Pan;hurS" will not have every advant-
cgc over the Mouptaincers when the
teams meet at Forbes field next October
Sth. on all recent meetings Pitt has
played Geneva. 4 "Srt-up' game the
Saturday preceding and has therefore
beer just right" physically when Nc
Intire's men made their appearance. On
In, Other hand. West Virginia has met
Lchigh. Marietta and other strong OPP
ponrnts on the Saturdays preceding
The arrangement for 1921. however.
which calls for the Noun ainccrS I'll
ngain sleep in hotel sample rooms on
the night preceding the g;lme on Octo-
Der Sth. shows that this big game Will
take place on the Saturday following
the Pittsburgh Lafayette game which
is played at Easton, Pa.
Lafayette, as every football ran
knows. will be one Of the most formid-
able teams in the whole country next
fall and unless Warmers team is In
particularly good shape. he will not only
have u close call from defeat but VIII
most certainly not come out of the game
in tho fine physical condition that has
markell his teams on the Mountaineers
Kickoff thr past two seasons
In any battle with Warmers team, TOO,
the Mountainous need advantages.