The Washington times., 1920-07-19
GLAND MAN mus,
M0NKEYSOBJECT
SimIans Of New York Zoo Hold
Meeting to Protest Against
French Surgeon.

NEW YORK. July ls.--Amld con
ditions which cIoSoly xersed upon
panic yesterday the frst meeting Of
the League OF Monkeys was held In
Similar House at central Park Zoo.
Every Narst-class monkey In the park
was present or represented by PROXY.
Messages OF sympathy and support
we're received from the anthropoids OF
the Bronx. II
The league was formed some months
ago when DIR. Serge Yoronoff. of Paris,
director OF the experimental laborA-
tory OF the College OF France, an
nounced that he contemplated visit
ing the United states for the purpose
OF demonstrating some OF his discoy-
erisB in surgery. DR.. Voronoff 10 q
gland CRATER. That Is TO say. he
claims he can remove a gland from
a monkey and with IL restore 70 aged
men their vanished youth and yigor.
The news aroused much. enthusiasm
among every one except the monkeys.
They found language inadesusle to
express their horror and Indignation.
When IL was later announced that
DIR. Voronofr was coming here the
simians OF Central Park Zoo became
alive to their danger and hegan to
organize for SELF protection. A ten
tative plan for the League of Mon
keys was drawn up at once. Jocko
Volsteado. one OF the best known
chimpanzees in. Central, Park, was
elected temporary president. He acted
as chairman at the meeting yester-
day. 'efr E.r
CHAIRMAN MAKES SPEECH,
Fellow simians and members OF the
League Of Monkeys. DR.. yoropon ar
rived at New York today" he chat
tered In his opening speech. I'VE are
here to protest against his admtttance
into this country. We are here to
consolidate this league into a perma-
mont organization OF self protec-
tion. Our policy will be that OF open
covenants openly arrived at and
consequently our first public action
will be to eject the newspaper rep
resentatives and conduct our de-
Iiberations in whispers behind triple
locked doors. SIS
/. Fellow Ieaguers. shall we all be
sacrificed to make human holiday?
Is IL possible that e.,
Here a tall Orang named Senator
Utang jumped TO his feet.
'HoldW he cried. ~ represent the
Bronx Park Zoo. We shal. lind it i'm
possible to ratify the league"
Pandemonium broke forth. From all
sides came shrieks, howls and ysIls.
The chairman pounded for several
minutes with the soup bone he was
using as a gavel before he could re-
store order to the meeting.
why, Senators" he asked.
OBJECTS TO CONSTITUTION.
"We object to Article X. in the con-
stitution," was the answer. "In II Is
a clause on arbitration and we insist
on certain reservations being written
into it. II you members down here
want to arbitrate, all well and tsDod.
but IL DR.. Voronon decides to visit
the Bronx we aren't going to wait to
arbitrate, unless 1t is over the long
distance telephone. Otherwise we are
afraid he might be operating while
we were arbitrating. Unless we cut
out that clause. l fear the league will
not function SUCCESSFULLY"
'But hasn't IL been functioning for
the last ten weeks?' inquired Peter,
the educated chimpanzee.
Yes, but does DR.. Voronon know
that?" asked Senator. 81 make a mo-
ton that we arbitrate from the top
most branch of a tall tree" .
"Oh. you chatter like a monkey"
cried Volstesdo.
$50 do YOU" retorted Senator. Here
comes Headkeeper Jim Coyie with the
eats"
Meetings adjourned" said Vol
steado.