The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-01-01
CONGRESS- REMOVES KICK
IN new YEAR RESOLUTIONS
SWEARING OFF" IN SLUMP
However, Like the Poor, Evils Are
'StilI With Us'-Wiycs May as
Well Resolve to Quit Going to
Country, for Instance.

New Years swearing off time"
is with US again and this year finds
the heretofore most popular absti-
nence and reformation missing. Con-
gress thoughtfully swore off for all of
us. Stunned by the knowledge that
they no longer can pledge themselves
never to drink another DROP" peo-
pie this year are cropping around for
something to swear off from doing.
New Years resolutions, SO popular
among our forefathers who were wont
to imbibe an amber colored beverage,
this year lack the punch" What
can I swear off doing" everyone is
asking everyone else.
On the face of it, this appears to
be a question almost without an
answer Cant swear off from drink
ing? Impossible! Then what is the use
of having a New Years? Why didn't
congress abolish it, too?" people are
saying.
But. the situation is not really so
bad as it appears. There are still
some vices left to swear off doing
that suggest themselves.
For instance, it would be COM
mendable and much appreciated by
the public if girls would quit using
that expression, How d'ya get that
way? to the accompaniment of the
popping of a hunk of chewing gum
Women of all ages are urged to
swear off standing SUCCESSFULLY by the
seat occupied by man on a street
car, meanwhile fixing on him a cold,
whitening glance. 1t is decidedly en-
berrassing to the man.
great vice still remains to be
stamped out. according to Miss Lor-
raine Wooster. state superintendent of
instruction-the> smoking of the vile
clgaret. Lizzie" urges all persons
now addicted to this spurious habit to
TaGnlra on, o-s- 11-r
again to allow their lips to be defiled
by the filthy flag. Of course, this
swearing off cannot be done officially
in Kansas, as the existence of cigarets
in this state is not officially recog-
nized.
Public officials are urged by the
'peepul" who elected them to swear
off spending their (the "peepuPs')
money with the careless abandon they
sometimes show.
Certain city officials might swear
off being so secretive and mysterious
about their actions. Mayors IN par
ticular are urged to break themselves
Of the habit of idly twirling their
watch chains, droning at the same
time to all questions asked the answer,
II don't know
Landlords are requested by suffer-
ing tenants to swear off raising rents.
Wives are urged by husbands to
swear off going to the country" pro-
hjbition has made that practice of no
advantage.
Inmatessof boarding houses are
urged to resolve to take baths on some
nights other than Saturdays and thus
to eliminate the present rush hours.
Actors could swear off making At
Gibson the butt of all their jokes with
out making the audience sore. They
wouldn't disappoint said audience
greatly either by ceasing to say. 1T S
all in fun or by not singing Nanny
| o. Mine" -
The street carecompany might swear
| off charging the penny war tax.
| Many would rejoice if telephone
girls would quit saying, I'VE do not
advise the time"
Husbands might swear off being an
| ornament around the home, volun-
teers a young wife.
People should swear off writing
wooden cheeks" urge the banks.
| And so on.