The Washington times., 1920-07-21

each Other secretly, Dut that Is con
trary to my principles. j prefer to
be dead than not to be able TO live
honorably and openly and to be re-
spected by everyone. Love TO me
means honor and respect"
Still another entry written before
sho shot her -soul mate" said:
PUT HEB HAPPINESS FIRST.
II understand Jules interest in his
children perfectly. but |, too. must
be considered, for | am more depend
ent upon him for happiness than they.
"They might still have his help
financially and In every other way IL
Mrs. j. would only have been reason
able. ! warned her and pleaded with
her. but she only laughed at me-
Extracts from the diary follow.
January ], 0lo--Breakfast with
julie at Messenger. Matinee, Ray
mind Hitchcock in "Hitchy- 100"
Lunch at Messenger, then to Tear
neys dinner and dance. June was
wonderful all day. Just worship him
"a dream day, but--the LAST day.
Left at ] 80.
January Very loneso but with
new hope growing in my heart that
the hope Will not be shattered. Con
stantly picturing the supreme happi-
ness 10 be when julie realizes the
course he should and can pursue.
Wrote to julie and forwarded old lot
ter.
January 3.-Slept well last night,
but had a miserable dream, due to
certain dissatisfaction at heart. but
will say nothing to julie about IL to-
day. | am too much in love and too
conscious OF the error involved, the
more so as he does not see the light
ard the way. No letter today, but
will write.
am entitled to happiness for what
have suffered.
FELT THE "INENITABLE."
January Feel the inevitable
coming on. Something must be done.
The facts arc coming out At the be-
ginning of the New Year ] am entitl-
ed To be happy on my own merits and
what I have suffered during the past
two years. There is only one source
that can supply it. It is my duty to
see that promis scs mado me are full
allied.
January 5.-Thc forces" have be-
gun to work Either they will de-
stroy or create the beautiful In this
case 7 cannot decide. but must carry
out the desire of others. Having a
veritable brainstorm today. -! Am to-
tally incapacitatcd to listen to a con-
versatiOn.
Got very little out Of the wonder
ful lecture on the Ethical Fhiloso-
ply OF Life by Adler. Simply must.
at the earliest possible moment. be
released from this bondage and be
made free mentally. Can think clear.
ly only on this one subject, for 1t ex-
cludcs all else.
Mother talked to me all afternoon
and evening while l worked. She is
the one person ! have to consile
and for her sake I will do nv best
Know now there Will be no sleep FOR
me tonight
PAIN TEARING At HER HEART.
Have a pain tearing at my herat
so intense ! could scream. Is there
any suffering that compares with the
anguish of soul, of the heart and mimi
! have known? I have suffered ply
sicial pain to the nth power, but that
was nothing compared to what am
going through now. Received a beau
tiful letter and poem, but what are
words compared to deeds and actions? i?
"Oh, would there\WaS no waking from
my most worldly dream.
And life would be worth living were
: things all that they seem.
But let YOU. dear. be absent and our
pathways lie apart,
'Tis only then ] realize a humping
at the heart.
"And I crave and crave and crave,
my dear,
And long again to have YOU near,
bless your heart.
10 10 rhiCa1n January
1910.
MY ALL
Just wanted to be with you as
best I could Sunday, so ran in here
to write a few lines. | hope IL will
be all right to write on Majestic pa
per.
sammy is with me. He is going
to write to -
sent you two specials. Hope you
received BOTH
THE world is all wrong with you
away from me. Enclosed is how /
feel about it. Hope you will have a
restfuI Sunday. l think I will be with
you in person next Sunday"
Love and kisses, as ever.
Your julie.
VERSES FROM "JULE."
OIlOW1HS 10 N'isc ihticSCN w 'bi'
above.)
To NV Wonderful Pauline:
(Written with my heart full)
'Tis lonesome here in Chi. when some
one Is away.
The days are long and dreary, the
night arc never gay.
One short week seems forever, a
month and an endless age,
oh, what a tedious role to play upon
this poor old stage.
'Tis strange, but yet it's real, the
presence that you lend
Can make the greatest difference:
You seem to hold
The power and the sweetpcss that
nothing can destroy,
And only TO be with you makes me
different boy.
"a NIGHT OF TORTURE"
January 6--What a night OF tor
turel Am convinced these occur
rences must be ended one way or
another. am entitled to more for
every good reason under the sun.
How we are controlled and held by
love and what we will not suffer for