South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-09

Isn't science wonderful" ex-
claimed the Widow. giving the turf
little shove, with the toe of her slip
per. that set the hammock swaying
gently.
us it," The Bachelor raised his
eyebrows and glanced up laZily from
where he lolled on the greensward
al the feat of the pink and white
vision in the hammock.
The Widow nodded her rose
wreathed sun hat.
They've just invented a new y
ray machine" she explained, by
which you can read the character,
thoughts, emotions, traits and dis
position OF your-Of anybody who
interests you. thereby eliminating a
lot of the uncertainty in love and
marriage"
Somebody Is always taking the
Joy out of lifei" grumbled the Bach
elor, Struggling a well-knit shoulder.
Rob love and marriage of their de-
lightful uncertainty-and what is
left?"
"Nothing-to attract a man, per-
haps," admitted the Widow. but ii
will be a great boon to a girl. She
will be able to pick and choose"
"Oh, will she?" broke in the Bach
elor. satirically. Since when has
a girl been able TO pick and choose
"a husband"
"Oh. ever since the war, Mr..
Weatherby," responded the Widow
blithely. Ever since work became
fashionable, and a wedding ring
ceased TO be the only premium in
life. Ever since marriage became a
sweet luxury TO a woman, instead
of a bitter necessity. Ever since"
II see! / see!" interrupted the
Bachelor hastily. But what does
this wonderful new machine tell you
about the other person? Does 1t
tell you anything you really want TO
knOw-how long he takes to dress
for dinner, for instance? And
whether he insists on reading the
paper aloud to you, at breakfast;
and whether he prefers Charlie
Chaplin, or Caruso, or the Follies,
or a ouija board seance?"
mo, il doesn't" admitted the
Widow ruefully. 1T merely tells
YOU whether or not he is Jealous or
temperamental or sensitive or phleg-
matte. And, after all, that's rather
vague. isn't it? Especially, as it's
not half so often his big sins as his
little peculiarities that get on your
nerves. You could never discover.
by means Of 1t, whether a man was
given TO dyspepsia or not; or wheth-
er he was the kind who would dry
the dishes on the maids day off; or
whether he went TO sleep with his
mouth open, after dinner; OF If he
liked garlic in his salad, and was
fond of playing jazz records on the
monograph on sunday"
cor whether or not a girl would
get I'D in time for breakfast" put
in the Bachelor" or how she looked
with her hair in magic waivers; or at
what temperature she would keep
the house; or whether she would so
in for lap-dogs, or psycho-analysts,
or vegetarianisTn, or politics, or pet
lizards-ugh,"
And even if it would register all
those things" added the Widow
with a shake of her head, land IL
YOU could find out everything, about
a person. before marriage, that is
no sign that you would know any
thing about him-Or her either
after marriage. Because marriage IS
n miracle that transforms every
body. from what ne is into some
thing totally different LOOK, how
quickly IL changes a man from
slave 10 a sultan, and from a wor-
shipper TO a kaiser!'
NONSENSE" protested the Bach
elor 1T isn't marriage that does
that It's the wife, who does II!
Nine men out Of 10 go into marriage
prepared TO play the role OF adorer
for life!"
yes" agreed the Widow sadly.
chat anything -you-say, anything
you-like, anyth / n -you-want-n-
yor'n-only-m attitude has
lured a lot OF women into matri-
mony. ever since Adam so meekly
and cheerfuIly bit the apple"
But IL isn't an attitude" denied
the Bachelor emphatically, "a man
sincerely means it,
Il know IL" sighed the Widow,
"and the woman. in her desperate
gratitude for sucE devotion, insists
on pedestalling him and handin5
him a sceptre. and implOring him TO
cut-and-dry her life. according 20
his favorite patterp-and ends by
spelling a perfectly good husband
and turning a lover into a tyrant."
''By-What p" The Bachelor sat
up. and faced the Widow.
BY consulting him IN every detail