Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-08-08
Beverley Takes the Bumps
By Sewell Ford.

am rather an Indifferent substitute.
Il know says l. They're hard to
hang onto these days, and the wages
! they ASK"
/ PARDON me, Shorty-salaries," says
ne. Anything over $50 a week ought
! TO be considered a salary. And that's
the trouble. l am not in a position
to pay salaries. Besides, it would be
difficult to find a man-of-aIl-work,
even II l could afford to pay the price.
Iney are all specialists now. IL he
KNOWS how to trim a hedge he sets up
as landscape gardener. and l suppose
the only person l could get to chop wood
| would be cabinet maker. So l do it
myself"
| Well" says /, glancin' at the little
pile of sticks. you seem to be gettin'
| there, after a fashion"
oh, yes" says he. That is the
way l do everything-after a fashion.
! wash my own car-occasionally. 1t
| looks 1t. | tinker at the plumbing
when 1t needs it. Ever try to stop a
leak by winding the pipe with part
OF an old shirt soaked in white lead?
1t isn't a huge success. Still drips,
you know. And in time. that causes
| the plaster to fall in the room below.
Ihat is why, Shorty, you will find a
wholly monumental washtub in the
middle of our dining room and the
| Idpic iiioNeu litO one corner. But
only the rich and great can secure the
! services of plumber nowadays, and
am as far from being one as the
| other
oh. 1 guess You amt quite on the
rocks yet" says l. And a little
| experience in doing for ourselves
amt goin' to hurt any of u.s."
True enough, Shorty" says he,
but l wish that part of my college
course had included some basic prin-
clpfes IN the art of milking COW.
Or course. | never dreamed that ii
was an art l had a foolish notion
that milking could be done by I'M
skilled labor. 1t cannot. It's real
art. and at fifty one cannot pick up
an art offhand Why is it, Shorty
that a COW objects so decidedly to
ngsapproached from the port side !?
| was sure it must be merely an in
4 dividual within of the animals at
first, one, that shouldn't be humored.
But after l had been kicked out of
, the stall three times l decided tc
compromise. Since then have done
all my milking from the starboard
quarter aft. l am told that all cows
are like that. My only consolation
is that | own but one cow now, in
stead of the half dozen we formerly
kept. Why, it would take me all the
forenoon to milk six cows, md half
| the night to do it over again Fancy
spending ones whole life on a milk
ing stool. What an existence
Course, that got grin out of me.
In fact, all Beverley's talk about
less entertainin' He told about
how he planted his potatoes whole
and of a circus he had with some
settin' hens, and his one lession
with lawn mower that had laid
him up for four days with a. lame
back. Seemed to see, something
funny in everything. Anyway, that, $
| the way he told it.
But in spite of his comic cracks J
, could guess at the little tragedies
behind every yarn. For here is Bev-
erley. Hunt. who's probably never
done stroke of real work until 2
few months ago. tryin' to get along
by himself on twenty-acre tract
! that had been run as a farm de
luxe. He'd tackled it earnest and
cheerful. but it was tellin' on him.
| Used to be such a spruce, natty
party. generally wearin' the latest
| thing in sport clothes, and with his
nails always manicured and his hair
trimmed just SO and all that And
now he's lookin' kind of old ane
! seedy. His knuckles~ are all barked
up. his hair is ragged in the back
he amt shaved for a day or SO, and
| there's kind of weary agrto hts
shoulders as he leans on the ak
I IF i was you" 1 suggested. "Pd
shove some of that wood chopin of
onto the cook ~
| II doubt if you would" says Bev-
| erfy, shakin' his head solemn.
! ''Oh, I don't mean. Td try to bully
her into it," says 1. Shed probably
chuck fiat iron at your head and
give notice. Ell? But how about kid
! din her along"
.. You try it, Shorty" says he.
wood"
| And sure enough out from the
| kitchen door comes a voice shoutin'
q bit impatient: "O-o-o-ooh, Bevvy,
| dear! Hurry up with that wood,
pie e-ease" It's kind of a familiar
! voice. too I stares at Beverley.
"You-you don't mean." says 1.
| that Mrs. Hunt is"
Right says Beverley. I'VE lost
| our old Maggie nearly two months
/ ago. A neighbor, who had been. a
/ frequent dinner guest and appreci-
ated Maggie's culinary talents. Of
fered her $3.50 month. SO 1 insisted
| that she accept the situation. Maggie
wepr. but went. She visits US every
Thursday. however, SO we have at
least one scrumptuous meal a week.
Between times we scrub along on
scrambled eggsaand timed corn beef:
This io scrambled egg night, so YOU
| will pardon me. Shorty, il I leave you
| to carry in an armful of wood"
And say. while he's gone, I tried to
picture Mrs. Beverley Hunt manipu-
latin frying pan over a kitchen
| stove. It's no use. I'd never seen
her except when she was sailin. sort
of regal through her own or some
body else's DRAWN room, her fine
chin well up, and a rope of pearls
! draped around that wonderful white
meek of hers. .s-.---
We'll. wellr thinks, T.. Mrs. Beyer-
Hey Hunt doublin' as cook and cham
berna i'd That's gettfr' down to
/ hard pan for you"
Ara when Beverley comes strolIin'
back l puts it to him straight. See
here. old man." says i. you'll excuse
me for crashin' in with any advice.
but amt there some way this situa-
tion of yours can be financed?"
Il fear not. Shorty" says he. The
more l have tried the worse off I
find myself. I've put on all the mort
' lagos and made all the loans that nv
! resources Will stand. At least. SO mn
attorneys tell me. They hint that
ally"
7 But say, I. goes on. how abou,
yours. the Twombley- Cranes and"
Ihaaks' Shorty. but 1 simply can't
go to any of them" says he. II have
an absurd prejudice against doing
That sort of thing No. 1 have only
one nope left. II have applied for
job
You" says /. What kind of a
job?'
II don't blame you for being as
tonfshed.", says he. There are. so
few useful things that knosv how to
90: But at last thought of some
thing. / heard of country club near
Chicago whose house committee had
advertised for a steward Must be
of genteel appearance seemed to be