El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-06-01

people being defined by the chair
man as one aWhO still eats with
his knife and sleeps in his under
The question OF schools and teach
About school Teachers.
One man says lot Of school teach
ers are with the show-that they
only got $50 a week for teaching
I school and they had to look after
! 80 or 30 children ana teach them the
l three RS. Now" he says, they
just have to look after one or two
aOne OF them taught me the
difference between good English
and bad English he continues
II took her out to supper and
said 70 the waitress, Bring Us
/ some OF them sandwiches but
she said. no, bring us some Of
] those steaks The difference was
very apparent when the bill
Another delegate. a woman. Of
! course, insists that the convention
/ put a plank in its platform TO col
/ lect amusement tax from bachelors
and a war tax from all married
Jazz Candidate Wins.
Then the leader OF the convention
I band gets the floor and, after dis
! course on what music can do, shouts;
What care we for the league Of ma
/ ing his fiddle to his shoulder a Ia
! Bert Beyerstedt. he starts into a ring
[ ing Jazz tune and Immediately the
I entire convention begins shimmying.
Stopping long enough to give
the shimmy inE delegates a chance
to gather breath. he asserts
that IL elected he promises suni-
versal Jazz military training" and
Is acclaimed the nominee as he
whirls them off into another
dance spasm with his orchestra
The revue is as full OF clever satire
and new comedy as IL is repiete with
wonderful dances and rich costumes.
It is now running too long, Tor u
begins at $50 and does not end until
1880. However, Il is TO be speeded
up and some OF the business IS 70
be cut down so that at least an hour
viii be taken off
a Good Woman"
At one point in the progress OF the
performance a question Is raised
woman" says Bryan. she wears
cotton stockings"
At a spiritualistic seanoe a woman
asks what one rap means and Is told
that It means yes; two means no. she
what does three wraps meanT'
1T means bankruptcy for a hus-
band at the price OF furs nowadays,
she Is told
Commentins on fashions. one Of
the men snyss @There f. n short
age of skins and Il begins 90 look
as if the poor women would have
to SILVER around without furs for
their nccks this summer"
At the seance a man asks FOR
Christopher Columbus
He discovered America; maybe he
can discover an apartment for me-
The American Voice
When he gets him he says. This
is an American citizen
7 know" answers Columbus. 7
can tell It because you have such
4 bunch of men. out for the night.
have been in company OF pootleg-
ger. Ole says he must hurry nome
enough" he says Nv hat she VIII say
to me when I get lone / can't repeat
to anybody but her"
She throws him down the stairs
and the landlord protests Those are
my stairs" says the landlord
We'll, he's my husband" says the
woman. as she throws him down
i've discovered where can get
some four percent says one man.
''Where2" asks a chorus Of men.
AT the bank" says he.
The landlord says he Is going to
l raise the rent he Is only making
] IS percent and must have more
Good lord" says one OF the crowd
'you are not satisfied with p per-
cent and the whole country would
/ be glad 10 get 2-75 percent
The WouId-Be Wet State.
A man passes and asks a police
man where Hoboken is He is told
that it is in New Jersey.
What is New Jersey?' asks the
1T is the hope Of the country
says the policeman
The policeman, when ne gets
thirsty, unscreWs the handle from his
club, pours out a drink. quaffs It and
screws the top on again
Bryan has n hollow wnlking
cane rs well as his chip pocket
comforter rs he calls his flask
An army officer i.asses with a pair
Of field glasses over his shoulder He
sits down, unscreWs one OF them and
takes a drink
Bryan on Congress.
A man boasts that the country Is
going to be all right after awhile,
Afor the people have congress back
Of them" he says
They ought to have congress in
front Of them so they could watch
Someone asks Bryan how he
got into the show business He
snyss asThe main qualification for
girl show f. legs ! have been
running "a years. That ought TO
develop n pretty good pair OF
IeEs.n
A man meets a bottlegger and buys
two bottles OF Scotch whisky He
drinks a little Of it and when the
seller asks him to pay $50, he pro-
THAT'S the way Of it," says the
bootlegger. When a man has a little
Scotch in him he Immediately be-
comes stingy-"
The Movie Stnrs-
One Of the actors says, when he
is called back by the applause OF
the audience. 4 have to hurry now,
as / have to dress for the part OF
waiter White wouldn't hire an actor
for a waiter, so I have to double
He hired a lot OF walters for actors.
though, and he tried TO get a lot Of
mattresses for actresses. but he
couldnt-they are all being starred
in the movies"
On the airship, someone stops a
man on the deck who IS selling news
papers and asks to buy magazines
Periodicals." says the news agent.
You get them IN the cafe" (This
is easy; It may seem hard)
'Tll blow my breath on my friends
when I get back to earth" says one