davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
1T MIGHT HOLD THEM.

II the English-French oil combina-
tion should be serious enough to
cause concern in America, / would
suggest that we once had an oil com
bine in these United States that could
not be beat and IL it becomes neces-
sary. just refer them to that, which
is now a matter OF history, and tell
them that IL they don't behave we
will reorganize the Standard Oil
Company. A suggestion like that
ought to have auieting effect like
oil on troubled waters.
NJ. FICBETTE.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Troop 80, under Scoutmaster Newell.
arrived back in Washington early
yesterday morning. after two weeks
visit to the places of historic in
terest in the Shenandoah Valley OF
Virginia.
Undoubtedly quite a few of the
members Of that troop took great
deal more interest in the girls they
saw in the numerous towns through
which they passed, than the battle
fieIds which played such a promin-
ent part in the war between the
North and South. When questioned
about the trip, former Patrol Leader
Henry Montague, who acted as
special correspondent for the scout
column of The Times. on the trip,
couldn't get off the subject OF girls
He spoke of two fellows In the trip
as being regular he-vampires.
But to get down to facts. The
troop left Washington on August 2s,
at noon and arrived in Harper's Ferry,
w. Va, three hours later. 1t was
raining "to beat the band" as Mop
tague termed 1t, and the boys had to
hike four miles to their camp along
the Potomac river The troop re-
mained in camp there three days and
had q great time fishing and boating
START BIG HIKE.
Then the big hike started. Shepards-
town was next on the program, where
the troops visited the Antietam battle
field. The next stop was Charlestown,
via Berryville, and on to winchester,
Va, where the boys were entertained
by the scouts of that town. Fisher 3
Hill, another place OF interest, was
taken in at Strausberg, and the boys
found a number OF civil war relics, The
troop then hiked to Woodstock, to Edin-
burg, through Mt Jackson to New
Market, where they looked over more
battlefelds, and visited the newly dio-
covered Endless Caves, and across tho
mountains to Luray, where they wound
UP the hike with a visit to the historic
caverns OF Luray, which are said to be
the most wonderful caves in the United
States The boys entrained late In the
afternoon friday and arrived back at
an early hour yesterday morning.
The Court OF Reviews was held last
evening in the boys department, Young
Mems Christian Association.
The Court Of Honor will be held to-
morrow at Epiphany Parish House.
Plans for the troop dance and min
rtrel show were discussed at a meet
ing OF the OFFICERS Council OF Troop
u, at meeting held at the home OF
Sroutmaster Paul G. Robbih, last
week.
The troop went on a hike over La.
Dor Day. and the boys passed a num-
Der OF tests. Applications made by
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
Goat Gland Theory All
Bosh, Says Man, 100,
On His honeymoon

LOS ANGELES. Cal. Sept 12-"Goat
gland theories and physical culture
fads as retainers or restorers of youth
are absolute bosh. l am 100 years Of
age and a bridegroom, and l have
no more need for goat glands than a
boy twenty-five"
Such is the thought of DR.. Andrew
Malcolm Morrison, author and lectur-
er, whose centennial anniversary
jubilee is a honeymoon with his sew
enty-two-year-ol bride. formerly Dr.
Mary Augusta Barney. musical COM
poser and author of medical essays Of
professional note.
In their charming new home, pro-
vided as a love nest" by the happy
groom, the newlyweds discoursed on
the secrets of longevity and the
philosophy OF love.
"Seventy-two years too old to mar
ry?" exclaimed the vivacious Mrs.
Morrison. Nonsense! Why, 1t takes
girl who is sweet seventy-two' to
find a man interesting enough to
! marry these days" she laughed.
And who would want to marry a
silly child much younger" chimed in
the centenarian.
People, first of all, must get away
| from the mistaken idea that at sixty
or seventy years their life is through"
| he explained. "As a matter of fact
at that age one is still in his or her
| youth In ireland, where j lived
| the first sixty years OF my life, re-
| call many men who were 100 to 40
years elf.
The idea that old age comes at
sixty Is a popular fallacy, a sort Of
universal hypnosis that dulls youth
past sixty when IT ought to be power
ful and complete.
II was born on June 4, 1920. and
today I am just as able man as
| ever during my existence. l can
walk twenty-five miles without rest
ing and perform other considerable
| physical feats. Mentally, l was never
more vigorous or sound.
RULES TO SUSTAIN YOUTH.
Most emphaticalIy l declare all
| goat gland theories and physical cul-
| ture fade to be absolute bosh. The
fellow who thinks he needs goat
gland Is the goat himself. Ny own
rules for sustained youth are very
simple:
First OF all, advise nine hours
sleep out OF every twenty-four. one
hour OF sleep right after the noonda,
meal.
| second. plenty Of fresh air. IL II
the great revitalizer OF fadinn
| strength.
Third. diet is OF great importance
one should eat plenty OF fruit ani
! have plenty of water to drink he
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
Bv BILL PRICE
CLOSING .CAMP COOTIE.,

Camp Cootie," at North Chesapeake
Beach. closes its activities today,
with the young people determined to
renew the fun another year. The
Preacher has packed his poker chips;
the King" will throw away the lin
oleum by the stove, and Father
Knickerbocker" will give up knee
length trousers for the winter
with a rugged type OF beauty
stood gallant old Camp Cootie.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
ALGEBRAuCAL EQUATIoN.

Every one will admit that this
Algebrsical equation is correct: A
bottle " full equals bottle u
empty.
Also that any eaustion can be null
tiplied by a number without changing
Its value. we1l multiply II by 2, get
ting this result: A bottle full equals
a bottle empty.
I realize that this is an old question,
but never have heard satisfactory
answer, so am asking your MAIN
sharks" The irst equation Is correct
Why is not the second so?
G. ~ ~. Jr.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
STREET CAR PESTS.

The fellows who usurp the passaseway
of the platform
The fellow, holding on ito a strap, who
insists stepping on your pet corn.
The fellow who stsres at you as Is you
owed him something
The fellow who feigns reading his news
paper, while a lady stands, holding onto
the proverbial strap. %
The fellow who hogs" the space for
two people, while you stand.
The fellow who insists on helping you
read your newspaper. ..
The fellow who sits on the rear seat OF
an open car smoking cigar, and, thinking
he Is "A warship, makes veritable smoke
screen.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
A FORGOTTEN POEM.

] would be much pleased to have
furnished the poem which includes
these lines:
sweet. thou hast tread on a heart,
And why should a heart have been there
In the wat OF a fair woman's foot"
RUTH II. l..
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
A RAILROAD PROBLEM.

Two railroad tracks intersect at
right angles. At noon there is a
train on each track. approaching tho
crossing at forty miles an hour, one
being 100 miles, the other 200 miles
distant. When will they be nearest
together, and what distance will sep
arate them at that time? BIFF.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
A HEARTLEss DRIVER.

A chap driving a Ford machine on
i street yelled to a man: Get the
hell out OF the way" The poor man
he shouted to was blind. This driver
had no horn on his machine or at
least did not sound II. confning him
self to his, rough remarks IL strikes
me that the police might investigate
to ascertain about hornless cars.
EDMUND NJ. SULLIVAN.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
Prohibition.

Pro and con we thrash II out,
R-ulee we oft ignore;
Opinions wise we clash about,
H-oward gets real sore.
l. Z the people wanted IL,
Best to let II stay:
II they didn't Howard says,
Throw the law away.
IN November, lection time,
On your ballot state
No or Yes for Wet or Dry.
To settle our debate.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

why is n pair OF scissors con-
sidered plural2 i have asked
several people, but they agree
that II is plural, because II has
two parts. II II is plural for
this reason. then why isn't a
wheel. which has many parts,
considered plural? A. j. NJ.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

A street car sign on the Old Do
minion electric line: Passengers on
this car will please change to--un-
derwear.' BUCK.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
GIRLS AND STREET CARS.

In II. ane 8. was one called "Slirp."
And oh, he worried sol
Cause all the girls he'd Hike to take
Out to old Glen Echo
Turned up their noses toward the sky
when he'd a street car hop;
But to taxi stand they'd go
And there they'd always stop.
But worry not, oh, noble slim"
For you will surely md
That there ere loads and loads Of girls
who really wouldn't mind
They're Just as good and sweet and dear,
And dress up TO the letter,
So save your coin and hop car,
Some like that even better
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

what's sweeter than to sit in a
theater next to a drunk who is
trying to sing a song that is be-
ing played on the stage by five
girls? LAB.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
LIZARDS AND VAMPS.

Perfume and powder,
Rouge and lipstick,
Eyebrow pencil.
Hair so slick.
Have no dough,
But make a show.
Are all the go.
Pants close cling.
Knee high skirts
Nearly all Of 'em hirts.
Why not hire a hall
And stand 'em in a row:
Make all the folks pay
To see the big show.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

| fully agree with you writer's that
Kenilworth boys and girls are we'll
behaved and good-looking.
f. E. B.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
Back to the Mines
HEARD AND SEEN

The rail lizards at 9Th street and
Pennsylvania avenue would feel
more comfortable if the rails were
cushioned or replaced by park
benches. CRAZY CAT.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

V. w NJ. is all wrong about fat
men. I'm fat; so is my buddy, both
of us averaging 210 pounds. I've
found that fat men like each other.
TWO-TEN
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
IRON IN PHILIPPINES.

The nnest unworked iron fields In
the world have been discovered in the
Philippines. according to report
from Government experts just re-
ceived by the Bureau Of Foreign And
Domestic Commerce.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
WHY "SHE." :"

Articles are named "he" or she"
according to the qualities they pos
sess.
In the case of boat or ship, II is
called "she" because II possesses the
quality of being graceful Therefore,
being graceful is a feminine quality.
SOx.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

The discharge paper Of DON. B.
LONG, S77th Aero Squadron, found
on the streets. has been left with
II and 8.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
ANSWERING JOHNNY"

The bottom of mems shirts are not
round so as to save material and pre-
vent bunglesomeness.
COTTON CHUNN.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

The manufacturers save part of the
shirt to pay their income taxes.
SLIM.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

The VINO BOYS" Water and NJ
streets S. w., write that they had a
lively time on their recent outing
tC Colonial Beach.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Do you know that "ornithological
speciments Of similar plumage habit
ually congregate in the closest prox..
imity?" In other words, birds OF
a feather etc. DOVEDELS.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

A good many Of these park cops
should be known as Joy Killers" be-
cause they're always butting in.
A =. =.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Who remembers the Overall
Clubs" we were going to form?
CLARKE.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

If Great Falls stops falling will
Marshall Hall it away?
r. M. G..
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Any girl who will pay restau-
rant charges for and loan money
to those + street ornaments de-
serves the crocheted pickle dish.
TO LET.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

! always select rear seat on
street car, II possible, to avoid be-
ing slapped on the back OF the head
and neck by newspapers In the
hands OF clumsy chaps. fpd,
though. that the big majority Of
car riders are courteous and polite.
J. FRANCIS.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
TELL HIM HOW.

Some years ago I clipped for
mula for using up old rubber, such
as tires, tubes, etc, making rubber
paint" and cement therefrom. l
lost 1t. Will some fan tell me the
modus operandi? J. +. N.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Roll-tops have become the rage
among the vamps of Ninth street.
+. S.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

First Caker--"I bet you have some
great ancestors; l can tell by your
face"
Second Caker-"Naw. you're wrong;
was never sick a day in my life.'
MAXWELL PEARSON.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

II. B. ROSsELL. A. NJ, and GUY b.
answer HENRY NJ NAU by saying
that s. or ", when multiplied by
Itself is equal to one-half OF itself;
that y lis equal to one-fourth OF Itself
when multiplied by itself.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

Here lies the body OF poor Tom Bean;
Died solving problems in Heard and Seen
JOHN WALCOTT.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

am crocheting some yokes,
and II any cakie wants one for
his nightie he can leave his ad.
dress with II and s. II. B.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

The Court Of Reviews was held last
evening in the boys department Young
Mems Christian Association.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

The Court Of Honor will be held to
morrow at Epiphany Parish House.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

a number of boys for entrance into
the troop are being considered.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
N0IIcE 0T PRnARY ELECTION

TO Che electors Of Che Town Of
 Douglas. DivIalon Mo- One. Ter
 rItory of Alaska
 Notice a hereby given that pur- uaut to Chapter 39. Session Laws Of Alaska. approved May 8. 1919. a primary election win be held on
 TUESDAY. APRIL 27 1920. between Che hours of 8 a. mo. and 2 o'clock D. ma Of said day.
 The Common Council of Douglas. Alaska. having heretofore, by ordin- ance. duly designated Che voting precincts Of said town and Che pole ling place iu each thereof Che olcc- tors ore hereby notified.
 That au duly qualified voters re- siding within Che boundaries Of Voting Precinct No. ono Of said town Of Douglas. which are as fol- Iowa. North and west Of KInzio street. win vote at City Hall bulld- mg located on Second Street in and upon lot or block Q. which is own ed by Che City of Douglas. Che same being Che duly designated polling place In and for said Precinct No. One. Town Of Douglas Alaska.
 That au duly qualified voters roe siding within Che boundaries Of Voting Precinct No. Two Of said Town Of Douglas. Alaska. whigh are as follows: south and olst of Kinzie street win vote at Natatorium build- Ing. located on St. Ann's Avenue, and which is owned by Che Alaska rroadweu Gold Mining Company the same beng Che duly designated polling place n and for Precinct No. Two. town Of Douglas Alaska.
 Dated this 22nd day Of March, 1920. (signed)
 THE COMMON COUNCIL OF THE
 TOWN OF DOUGLAS. ALASKA
 By L. w. Kilbmu. Clerk
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
WORRIED SOME

There was at ioast one worried young man on Douglas Island when Inc cable news was received horc hat Che Lincoln hotel n Seattle had burned down This young man in uuUou had aNlrcnd a particular lady friend vho bad apartments at tho Lincoln Ho haunted Che post 1r.ce no rrcsdweI day and nIeht for or saroral days and anz'ous'y await l Che arrival of a lo.tor in very cho'wy school tcachcr.sh writing
 ayne hat tbc onc for whom hc wos b anxious bad Hot nor.shod u the
 rgeI uamos As thwe was mo boat for scrcral daya hia anxiety was p.ti- mI and whom word was passed that steamer was In sight, it s said hat hc aar,Od to walk to Che end 70. hc a'md to mco. Che steamer md get l.a Iorer
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
NOTICE OF HEARING FINAL
 ACCOUNT

lu nc United States Commissioners
 Court for Douglas Island Pre-
 ciuct Territory Of Alaska DIv- Is'on Mo- One.
 In Che Mattor Of Che Estate Of John
 Kosn. deceased
 Aya Krouqu.st as administrator of tho estate of John Koski. deceased. on Che l7th day of April. 1920. niod hs final account In tho above on- uuod court in Che above entitled matter and Che hearing Of tho same has bocu set by said court for June goth. 1920. at Che hour of two o'clock n. m. of said day. at Che court room of said court iu Che Henson Build ing. n Douglas. Alaaka. at whict time and place all persons Interested in said estate are required to dlc my objections they have to said ace count and to show cause. if any they have. why said account should not bo allowed and settled
 Dated this l7th day of Aprl192o.
 ANEL KRONQulsT
 Administrator. First publication. April 23. 1920. Last publication. May 2l. 1920.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23

boat n constructed of hard wood aud cypress and tho material came tno.aei-doun from tho Eaat Tho launching and christening of Bobby has 4ot yct been arranged for bui t h nrobablo Chat bottle of real mountain dew win be broken over Iia bow aomc ot ,hc.o ano mornings
 Left Yesterday
 Joe Naulcy left yesterday on hia regular up to Tcnakoo w.th Che EmM Mr. Manlcy expects to got back here again saturday night
 Willci Them to John
 Tom Tucy bc,or' leaving for uamc. to take iob os Nalomau. uHlcd his trained trolling herring to John Lauehm. Hc also imparted hia training secrets to John and .t la % cucb now that he win got Che dah whom he goes Go Che trolling grounds
 Left to Fish
 x number of Douglas natives lcr ns uook lo rfhc Taku river and vicinity for thc cary king salmon mhue n h said that tho salmon have started running thoro but not vet m very largo numbers
 Got Em
 10 Ia reported that Ari olson ho mo.o nice gum bous on h.s hands that arc Che mark Of cycy true gas boat man Ha boat scandal" has loan operating very wel but it is md nat one night recently when Che ouuc- had some lady passengers aboard a hair pin ora beauty spot got into thc carburotor and caused hc bHgc pump to qu.t uuclon.ne The trouble could soon have been io- a,od 1T Che ownor had not been handicapped -n working ou it Ho rouI no, u.o fhc right brand of lralm.tv and everyone thai hw owned or operated sas boat knows .mt v.fhou. a creating % blue haze with tho right volume of cuss worlds ao ms boat trouble can be located. The ladies were handicap m this
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
VISITED HERE

Mrs. Mildred Casey sister Of Carl IT Erickson of this city, visited Mr.
 Erickson and family here two days thls week and loft from this place on Ono City ot Seattle yesterday morning. Mrs. Casey brought her uuuc daughter Lois. up from Kotch- nau and lcft hor with her mother. Mrs Peter Cragrock. at the porso- vcraucc mine. aIrs Casey is return mr to KotchIknn. where sho has a position and where sho keeps house for hor brother. Lawrence Erickson.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
RETURNS FROM VISIT

Mrs. Frank Oliver returned to Douglas on Che Jefferson Tuesday morning. after having spent Che winter at Seattle and Tacoma The Ouyor win again establish their home in Douelas which has been moccupicd since Mrs. oliver loft Frank and his son. Douglas. have been living ot Troadwcll
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
GOOD CHANGE

EmH rbwu has contracted with uo Jmcau.c..y council for an thc Hu cams .hat they can gather at fhor c'em-up performance ou May f Uc hos hired a scow and win have thc cams dumped ou it and lowed to noHeioa Hc expects to hove enough fodder to keep his eoata an next Wulcr
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
SCARLET FEVER OVER

Tho utuo daughter Of Hood Of Ono Perseverance mine. who has boon sick at Che home Of Mr. and Mrs. Kirtham of thIs city with scarlet fever. hae recovered from Che dis ease. No other cascs wore reported In town.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
TO DEMOCRATIC VOTERS
 OF ALASKA

@ In vIow of Che fact that @
 s seven candidates have filed for @
 @ Che dolesatoship to Che Ma @ @ uoual convention to be held .in @
 @ San Francisco iu June where @ @ but s.x me allotted Co Alaska. @ @ and not dcomiug it polite to @
 3 have a contest among party @ @ friends who ore aii of one mind. @
 @ J respectfully request that you @ @ overlook my name-vot.ng for @ @ Che other six at the primaries @ @ on Che 27th Of Che present F @ month. lsignodl @ @ B. J. WHITE. @
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
ON NEXT PRINCESS

Mrs John Mills. who hos been visiting for the past several months at Vancouver with her sister Mrs. Dave Losgett and family win re- turn here on tho next trip of Che Princess Mary Mm Mnls win bring hor niece. Mrs. Crcwford back with hcr Mrs. Crawford was formerly Mary Lcggett of this city
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23

Kodak printing developing and onlargln neatly and promptly done by Mrs Jack Mccormick Leave or- dors at Elmer E. smiths or phone Troadwcn 233.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
WORK JN JUNEAU

David T.. Chrstoe has smt Iu hia resignation to che Alasko GuIucau Company and has taken position with Che Butler Nauro Drug Co., In Juneau at his o.d profession Of drug eat.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23

~sITKA HOT srHNus.~ Accom- modatons. American or European plan. For terms apply 10 Dr. b. F.. Goddard. Sanltarium, Alaska.--Adv
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
!. THE FLY WHEELs
! ! ! ! ] ] ! ] ] ] ! ! , ! ,
swpea His Boat

When Tom Tracy went Co Che ferry float Monday afternoon to got hs new boat hat he had uci up here shortly anor noon. hc found 'hat some one had purlo.ncd e. We yould havo hated Go have bccu dIH- .oyercd as thc guilty one right at aat umo. us Tom was mad an orar md ho weighs slightly over three hundred pounds
 Monday evening hc Ioft for lla.uca whore hc win bc watchman at auucry in chat vicinity ths sum- mrr
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
BEADwEIL FAMILY LEAVING

Albert L.bbr0.h and family lclt thIs vcok to mako their homo In Che satcs
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23

WANTED "A secondhand piano. Wm pay cash. Address Box 991. Ju- lcau.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
In Wilh Caleh

Tom Ness came into port late last week with his boat Che Emma with D catch ol about 10000 pounds ol balbut Hc shipped hs dsh to Kctch.kan on thc signal Tho Emma has been ou tGo bench th.s week rc- .eivInr un oyorhluIine
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
Home Hera Tao

After having been away from port. for about Q month. Che gas hoa, Home came into port las, week with about 5000 pounds of ha'lbut No. Gudlnr satisfactory market on ihe Channel. thc Homo cleared Sunday morning for KcJchikm w.th i" catch
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
Bobby Burns

Wee Bobby Burns Che mule cruiser chat James Scy has boon building In bis spare tmc for thc pas, year. has lcit her berth on Fourth street and .s now Iu Che Leon ardinc building ou Front street rc. ccyiug Che finishing touches md having Che engine installed. The
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
Rome Practically Ready

The flagship of lbc Douglas ea boat ncct Che City Of Roma has re- cciycd her spring oycrhuulne Ine boat has been on thc beach near tho old saw min au winter. The owner Capt Nbn Baritello. is preparing to take cruise through Che waters of Southeastern Alaska Tho Romo when she hits thc water wl. bo 9 ufucr and better ship thau eycr be- fore and one worthy Co bear thc on sign of Flagship.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23

4~~~~~~>@@@~4@ 2
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
Mary A. J. on Job

Emil Goubcue. owner of Che cruiser Mary A. J.. has been putting lu his spare time recently getting h. boat ready for launching Considcr able work has been done. and thc Mary A. J. win soon be running around all dressed up.
 Out in Street
 Frank Shaw has thc new boat uat bc huut th.s winter iu tle Mur roy boat housc. ou tho street at Che lower end of Front street. Frank has eouc to work u Juneau and Che actual launcb.ns win perhaps bo de. layod untu Che king salmon s.ma- uon clears up.
Douglas Island news., 1920-04-23
Rover Too

Tho Rover belonging Co Leo De- mytt and Jack Livio is about .o hii Che water for thc spring scaaon. The boat has recently been painted and sh.ncd up by che owners The Rover win most likely have busy seoson this year carrying Che owners on l-LLn- md nmLuE LI-n.-