Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-07-09
MORAL PQME.

MORAL POME.
Algernon Wherefore Perciyal Still
Is voting for Harding because he
hates Wilson, e1
While Harrison WImper will vote
Because he thinks Roosevelt had bats
In his attic.
How grievous it Is to think people
will take
No thought as to issues that now are
ut stake,
And let silly prejudice settle their
vote.
So different from you and me
reader, please note.
1t doesn't look as tho Europe ever
VIII have peace until she builds q
ten foot concrete wall, topped with
glass, all the way round the Balkans,
and rules that all of Russia is in Asia,
II you took away the sensations
and thoughts attendant upon having
Whiskers and coolies and not having
soap or enough to eat. we wonder
how much would be left Of the con-
victions of the average bolshevik.
AS far as current political speeches
are concerned, it doesn't seem to be
so much the humidity as the heat,
DR.. Hyalop, the noted psyctist,
just dead, is already reported to be
talking from the other side. They
certainly must have wonderful ex-
change service up there.
ZOO LYRIC.
Beside the Amazon;
The anaconda days about
But, should he try to love you, put
A suit of armor on.
The discussion still RACES as to who
Won the war, The latest citation for
that honor is the army mule. We
have no wish to decry the services
of the excellent. indispensable mule
or shame his posterity. But from all
We can learn from returning veterans
themselves, we believe the cootie won
the war, and for the following rea-
sons:
l. The casualties among the coolies
We're greater than in any other single
class OF combatants.
2. The coolies had greater success
in getting the boys out of the trench
es by Christmas than Henry Ford,
President Wilson or Marshal Foch
himself.
3. The bite of the cootie was gem
orally In the rear, thus causing the
bitee to advance swiftly and earnest
ly toward the enemy.
4. The cootie was first at the battle
front and remained there until the
end.
8. The cootie was no respecter of
persons and therefore, helped to make
the world safe for democracy.
8. From the most reliable sources
1t Is estimated that there were more
and larger German coolies than allied
coolies. thus undermining the morale
and the undershirts OF the enemy.
Z. The cootie never qualified before
an insecticide and never consented
to an armistice.
We believe that In time the virtues
and achievements Of the cootie will
be recognized and that q cootie mon
ument will be erected in one OF the
great European capitals, possibly on
the seat Of the league Of nations.
You may not be able to fool all the
people all the time, but once oveFy
four years doesn't appear to be too
often.
Does seem." says Uncle Abimelech
Bogardus of Preakness, N. J., "'s If
ye'd never break folks of buying
green goods, investin' in lie stock,
purchasin' gold bricks and votin' ac-
cordin' to what candidates says"
ZOO LYRIC.
The crab should please the candidate,
Tho horny in his tissue.
He spends no time in vain debate
And sidesteps every issue.
Sometimes when you look at the
choice of his party, it's sort Of dis
heartening to think what his party
must look like.
tCal. Coolidge only pays So