Arizona republican., 1920-10-12
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There's a man down east who for 2s years has been making a living-and a good one-thinking up things bright children ought to say-but don't. He has had much to do with the worlds getting the hunch that kids spring the most wonderful kind of fokcs on their parents and other nat ural enemies. Outside of being a bach elor and not liking children anyway. he is well qualified to speak for tho kids.
 Which may explain why these laugh jolting kiddie yarns get into print.
 Frinstance;
 Papa" said Danny Duff. q want to ask your advice"
 "Yes. dear" chirped Mir. Duff. what Do you think it would be best to get me hobby horse for my birth day7"
 (and)
 Little Jean Riley was saying her prayers. when her little brother came slyly up and pulled her hair. Without moving her head. Jean paused and said. Please. Lord. excuse me a min- ute while l kick Jimmy"
 (and) "Will the angels come down for me with a chariot when I die7" asked Ray of his Sunday school teacher. T guess SO. fl you are a real good boy" replied the teacher. Rays eyes glistened. "Thatll he nicer than riding in an au- But" interjected Hugh. "why don't they come in airplanes?" - (snd) Johnnie" spoke his father grossly, Nou must keep your place at the lle clean. You eat like little pig. What's little pigy' asked three vear-old Carrie. who never had seen pork other than in chops and sausage. "A pig" said Johnnie, lis an ola hogs son"
 Father had nothing to say for quite a while.
 (and)
 There was only one orange left. Willie was first to 1t. Then he began crying to beat the band.
 My. my!" exclaimed his grand mother. what's tho natter"
 "Only one orange" Willie explained between woepe.
 well" returned his grandma, 'you have it so why worry?
 Yes said Willie, T got one, and ndw I'm crying because there ain't one for Tommy"
 (and)
 "Is there any rule without an ex- ccption?" asked the teacher.
 Yes" answered Stanley; "a mar always has to be present while he i' being shaved.
 The ape man has been found again Every time a bleached explorer get into Africa he finds the missing link After calmer reflection he learns wha he discovered was neither missing no a link. but a brunei human fitted espe cially to his environment. SO fitted b, countless generations of existenc there.
 This time it is pr. l.. J. vandenberi trailing the missing link to his lair And he tells the world about the Cong' ape man.
 In two respects this inhabitant of thl little known Congo country resemble tho ape. He can climb trees. But SO do little American boys white. red and black. climb trees. The Congo resident resembles tn ape. too. in that he cannot tell lie. However the late c. Washingto also had this peculiarity.
 The adult so-called ape man is abou four feet tall. and. at that. is a regu lar skyscraper when compared to hi better half
 The savage of the Congo is unlik civilized men of America. He doesn give a whoop about going to war. an never beats his wife, and never steal Why, honest to goodness. you cou leave your very best automobile stand Ing in the main street of the Mambu tribes district and not an ape ma would as much as lift a monkt wrench out of the car. Can you ( that in this burg?
 Another thing about these little dai fellows which shows how unciviliz, they are. is that once having acquire wife they never look at another lad No vamping goes in those .jungles.
 They have no jails, and none of the arc ever pinched for carrying conceal' weapons. The first gun they saw. ju recently. they thought a cheap i'm tation of thunder and lightning.
 No parties or receptions. but once month or SO they pull off lion hu just like we have prize fights al things equally thrilling.
 These Congo ladies arc not what y might call fashion copycats. The Ia est styles they fall for arc those i vented a long time ago by the fam living ia tho Garden of Eden.
 -O-