Evening star., 1920-02-15


gonna be the outstandin' issue in the
comm campaign" asked Lon of
Dopey Dan as he pulled out the maxi
ms.
''Ss-hh, Lon. not so loud" replied
Dopey Dan. with his finger to his lips.
Issues amt mentioned in ree-fned
political circles at present. With the
whole country just itchin' to pounce
down on anything that listens like a
issue. the big Settin' Bulls of both
great parties have specially requested
that they not be discussed,
"Momentous happenins have took
place throughout the world in the
past three years. lad. the effects Of
which have caused some turrible tick
llsh changes in our own glorious
Union, an to dope out how folks are
tak1n' these changes is a matter alone
for genius to tackle!
90 course. the iii peanuts of both
organizations have started chirpin' al
ready. but the big birds them upon
who rests the responsibility of put
TN over winner, are settin' up
nights an amt receivin' no callers,
va see. lad. in the dear. dead past,
outside O. 1895. when that gifted ex-
FOUNDER, Willyum Junnin's Bryan.
come out of the west with his Free
Silver chatter, issues rully never
amounted to picayune particle,
Usually. after a mess O. argufyin' an
d1sputin', the republicans would end
Gratis free trade; about SO per cent of
eligible voters would tango to the
polls-if the weather was pleasant
somebody'd be elected, most often a
republican. the winners would cash
an, the goose would hang high!
pink-tea election days have went.
Issues. did you ask? I'll say there's
issues! League O. nations to the
right of us. radicalism to the left of
US. railroads ahead of US. chuggin'
an tootin'! Wimmin folks votin',
wet workers chokin'. red rebels
notin' a chance for some shootin'!
Currency inflated exports belated.
commissions misstated. pooh-poohed
an derided. High cost O. livin'. un-
called-for givin'. who hit Bill Nivin,
must soon be decided,
"An' if you'll buh-lieve me to be the
skipper. the party that fooZles in it's
efforts to decide 'em will be left high
an dry amongst the lii white daaaaa-
sizes,
mo. Stree, Not even that rough
an tumble campaign O. 1896. when
east fit west an sound kale' was at
stake, will hold a candle to the doin's
that's in store for us this summer!
Some campaign. that scrap for
sound money, lad. 1 lived in Moo
York at the time. was just twenty
one. ready an itchin' to cast my first
ballot. So. when old Papa Knicker-
booker called on every profession,
outward protest against the free sill
yer menace. I nearly went ratty from
downright excitement!
THE sound money parade of the
great metropolis was staged a short
space before election. an, take it from
me, it was some swell procession. It
took all day to pass given point. an
Included in the marchers was repre-
sentatives of every knowed occupa-
ton in the burg. Outside of a few
labor organizations. all hands sport
ed the same uniform-silk top-piece,
frock coat, gray gloves an cane,
an they sure looked like money,
II had all the props but. sad to
relate. was minus a profession. which
had me in the air as to who I would
march with. However. I quickly got
in touch with a lii boyhood pal o.
mine. named Harry -the-sob,' so called
because he couldn't listen to band
play patriotic airs without Dustin
into tears This babe toiled for a
archytect. an after hearin' my di-
lemma signed me up as a craftsman.
just for a day.
'T might mention that at the time
the old town was dripnin' wet an
right at the corner Of Dey street an
Broadway where the archytects as
sembled was a classy emporium.
''Me an Harry showed up at that
corner two hours before the parade
started an while the day was
pippin. ruther than take chances on
ketchin' a cold. we injected a couple
O. preventatives an was ripe for
the signal!
when the marshal said Scat" we
was off with the leaders,. Up Broad
way we skidded like regular pluto
Gratis, tossin' iii 'day-days' to the
pretty James in the windows. but just
as we reached Bleecker street the
band hits up with My Marvland,' an
the sob started weepin! (Harry was
born in Hagerstown)
"Jerkin' him out Of the line. 1
showed him into another gilded pal
ace. an after gettin' him on the out
side of few more preventatives he
dried up his tears an we hiked back
to the procession just in time to
enter the ranks of the wholesale dry
goods outfit, who tossed US well
come!
"From Bleecker street. up around
Union Square. along Broadway to
the old Rartholdi Hotel. at 23d street.
the sob an me stuck close to the
dry goods bunch. but when turnin'
into 5th avenue the band cut loose
with Dixie he broke down again,
"Yankin' him out once more. I had
him half-soled at the corner hotel, bat
on re-enterin' the parade we found our
selves with the brokers!
"Well to cut it short, the same
happened all along the line o march.
From 23d street to the Holland
House we stuck with the brokers.