The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1920-04-30

Dear child, the ideal husbai
the old farmer said when VIEW
time, "There amt no SIGH an an
A mans ideal wife is a creature such
Eas never was on land nor sea she ~
n woman who never gets beyond 80
no matter how many years she may i've,
She Is always young and beauuluI, anu
never loses her girHsh inquire llhle
land experience never plough wrinkles IN
her face. Ago never frosts her hair, nor
fwithers the roses in her checks.
She is always beautifully dressed IN
is0nething clinging and fluffy ana PINK
that never gets Tuffled, nor musseu'
mo matter how much work she has TO
lido. and that has the faint odor OF Nio.
lets clinging TO Il even II she has Just
Ecome out OF the kitchen and has oeen
lcooldng corned- beef and cabbage, ana
her hair is beautifully combed with
liittie curls at the napo Of her neck
land on her forehead. notwithstanding
the fact that she has gotten up and
prepared breakfast for the family.
She is always in n sweet, lovely ana
amiable mood. no matter II she mas
L n jumping toothache. and pain in the
/ hack, and has been UP half of the
night walking a sick baby, She never
has nerves, or gets cranky, or IL con-
i trary. or afflicted with the other short
comings OF her sex,
doesn't stay awake at night TO see how
| late her husband stays out. nor COM
plain that IL is lonesome TO be iett
alone. Neither does she begrudge her
husband his golf or think that he might
better expend the money that golf balls
and caddies and club bills cost, on buy
ing shoes for his family.
On the contrary. she realizes mat
man needs diversion, and that II Is a
relief TO him to get away from busl-
oh
him 10 amuse himself and not TO think
of her because she has all the pleas.
ures Of STAYING quietly at home, and
tho excitement Of nursing the children
and taking the baby out in his peram-
bulator.
She il a domestic and housekeeping
woman, but she shines in society when
he chooses TO take her forth. She's
wonderful cook, but she never smells
OF the kitchen, she never wants TO go
out of an evening except when he pro.
poses It, She has the most excellent
judgment, but she always defers 10 him
In every matter.
Above all. the ideal wife. is a miracle
worker who never annoys her husband
by asking him for money. She keeps
She is always beautifully dressed in
clothes that make the neighbors rub
her hut she never spends anything on
them. She Is never sick, or has q
doctors bill, and thus proves the truth
OF the old adlge, that two can I'VE as
cheaply ms one" provided g man mas
The luck 10 get an ideal wife,
The woman's ideal husband Ia equally
entitled to a place in the freak mu-
eeum as is a mans ideal wife,
A woman's ideal husband Is per
pefual lover, n man who can go on
handing out soft talk for 40 years at
i stretch. and who will tell her after
she is old, and fat and griszle- headed
that she Is the most beautiful creature
in the world and that she could make
her fortune in moving pictures u pa .hl
Griffin, or lnce. or some director VINO
Is on a stili hunt for female pulehn-
tude could only see her, -,,,.
He Is a man who is slushing over with
romance, and yet marvellous business
man. a man who can talk sentiment
with one hand make money with the
other so 10 speak. for while she desires
a soul mate and one who yeaTns AFTER
tn higher life, she also wants II limou-
sine and comebody who can make het
exceedingly comfortable IN ms sorui9
lower life where woman requires sood
clothes and new hats to hold her own.
He must be- masterful man, stern
and commanding to all the balance Oh
the world, but a piece OF putty IN het
hands. that she can twist around ht'
finger He must be cold as ice TO
others, vet n seethng volcano to her
He must never be sick. nervous. ured
or grouchy and cross. no matter what
strain he Is going through IN ms buSi
ness. or how hard he works at the OF
flee hut he must always come home
cheerful buovant and optimistic ana
ready 20 jump into his dress clothes ana
% out and spend the evening at some
place Of amusement with his wife
He must always praise her cooking
when she has good dinner but When
she stays out late at a matinee or u
bridge game he must be equally
Sharmed TO eat out Of can and
paper bag
He must take an interest in his home
and be willing TO so without cigars 10
buy new parlor curtains, but he must
not dream Of such thing as having
q room for himself. or closet, or even
one single solitary hook In closet that
Is his individual property.
lie must be willing to give up AL OF
his old friends when he gets married
and perceive that they had bad IN
fluence over him and especially that ms
old women friends weTc-er-Weil-cI-
not exactly nice. and to substitute ms
wife's friends for them and ne must
be glad TO have his wite's family per,
petually occupying the guestroota' ana
not 20 raise a scene about II "hen ne
is forced to write his people that IL
isn't convenient TO have them come just
now. .-
And he must call his wi'c's temper
nerves and always be grateful 10 h'T
for marrying him, and make public Hv-
ENCOURAGEMENT that she has been a ne
Bic. uplifting influence in his NE, ana
that marriage has been his salvation,
a close up view OF a mau's ideal wire
wonld show a composite picture ot MARY
Ann. Lillian Russell Hetty Green and
Theda Bara registering complete do
Inesticity, fadeless beauty. a pocket
book with Yale lock on II and an m
e1haustible line OF fascination,
A womans ideal man would be
cross between matinee hero, MI
Rockefeller and Job.
And neither man nor woman could
endure his or her ideal for week
.CCopyright, 1920, by the "heeler syn
dictate. lnc)