The Washington herald., 1920-11-21
An Q. Henry Story
"Next to Reading Matter"


ana Fergus McMahan, the handson-
est adventurer in history or Action.
and Senorita Anabela zamora, the
beautiful daughter OF the aical6e
Of Oratama. as chief actors. And.
another thing-nowhere else on the
globe except In the department of
Trienta y tres In Uruguay does the
chuchuia plant grow. The products
of the country i speak OF are valu-
able woods. dyestuffs. gold. rubber.
ivory and cocoa"
Il was not aware" said I. that
South America produced any ivory"
There you are twice mistaken
said Judson Tate. distributing the
words oyer at least an octave Of his
wonderful voice. Il did not say that
America must be careful, my dear
man; have been in politics there,
you know. But. even SOL have
played chess against its president
with a set carved from the nasal
bones of the tapir-one Of our ma
tive specimens OF the order OF peris-
sodactyle ungulates inhabitfng the
Cordilleras-which was as pretty
ivory as you would care TO see.
But Il was of romance and ad-
venture and the ways of women that
/ was going 10 tell you. and not Of
geological animals.
For fifteen years I was the ruling
power behind old sancho Benavides,
the Royal High Thumbscrew Of the
republic You've seen his picture In
the papers, mushy black man
with whiskers like the notes on q
Swiss music-box cylinder. and
scroll in his right hand like the ones
they write births on In the family
Bible. Well. that chocolate poten-
tate used 10 be the biggest item Of
interest anywhere between the color
line and the parallels Of latitude.
II was three throws. horses. wheth-
er he was to wind up in the Hall OF
! Fame or the Bureau of Combusti-
bles. He'd have been sure called the
Roosevelt OF the Southern Continent
IL IL hadn't been that Grover Cleve-
| land was President at the time. He'd.
hold once for a couple of terms.
then he'd sit out for a hand-sl-
ways after appointing his own sue
cessor for the interims.
But IL was not Benavides. the
I Liberator. who was making all this
i fame for himself. Not him. IL was
Judson Tate. Benavides was only
the chip over the bug. gave him
the tip when to declare war and in
crease import duties and wear his
state trousers. But that wasn't
what i wanted to tell you. How
did I get 20 be IT. I'll tell you. Be-
cause I'm the most gifted talker
that ever made gifted sounds since
Adam first opened his eyes, pushed
aside the smelling-salts. and asked:
1 Where am ~
| AS you observe. I am about the
ugliest man you ever saw outside
the gallery Of photographs OF the
New England early Christian Sci
entists. So, at an early age, / per-
ceived that what lacked in looks
must make up in eloouence. That
I've done ] get what 20 after
As the hack-stop and still small
voice OF old Benavides / made all
the great historical powers-behind-
!the-throne. such as Talleyrand. Mrs
de Pompadour. and Loeb. look as
small as the minority report OF a
duma. ] could talk nations into or
! out Of debt. harangue armies TO
sleep on the battlefield. reduce in
surrections. inhammstions. taxes.
appropriations or surpluses with a
few words. and call up the dogs Of
war or the dove OF peace. with the
same bird-like whistle. Beauty and
/ epaulettes and curly moustaches and
! Grecian profiles in other men were
never in my way. when people
first look at me they shudder. Cn-
less they are in the last stages OF
angina pectoris they are mine in ten
I minutes after ] begin TO talk. wom-
en- and men-I win 'em as they come.
Now. you wouldn't think women
would fancy a man with a face like
mine. would you?"
''Oh. yes. Mr.. Tate" said I. Wills
tory is bright and fiction duh with
homely men who have charmed
women. There seems"
Pardon me-" interrupted Judson
Tate, but you don't quite under
stand. You have yet to hear my
story.
Centinued Temorrow.