davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

i 7S THE story of the Gridiron club din-
 Ter in Washington on December II,
 which the writer sent to The Age Herald the real clever stunt was left o1t because the writer had no copy of it.
 It was ar oration made by Arthur S, Henning, the Washington correspondent of the Chicago Tribune who was dressed ir the Roman toga of Mark Antony and appeared before the club in Mark An- tony Hitchcocl's oration over the , Cadaver of the Covenant" Mir Hen- nmgs lines follow:
 Friends, Romans. Countrymen: Lend me your ears and hold your own tongues: come to bury Covenant. not to p-aise him The evil that leagues do lives after them The good is oft inferred with their
 bones
 Sc let it be with Covenant The noble Harding Hath told you Covenant was ambiguous 1 If it were so. it was grievous fault And grievously hath Covenant answered But Harding says he was ambiguous, And Harding is an honorable man. Covenant brought many reservations
 home
 Whose wrangiing did the Senate scoffers
 thrill Did this in Covenant seem ambiguous? When that the worlds heart broke Cove
 nant hath wept- Ambiguity should be made of sterner
 stuff.
 Yet Harding says he was ambiguous, And Harding is an honorable man. speak not to disprove what Harding
 spoke,
 But am here to speak what l do know. You all. did love him once, not without
 cause,
 What cause withholas you, then, to
 mourn for him? o Judgment. thou art fled to brutish
 beasts
 And we have lost the electionl Bear
 with me, My heart is in the coffin there with
 Covenant, And I. like Bryan, must speechless be till it comes back to me. But yesterday the word of Covenant
 might have stood Against the world-now lies he there and
 none so poor To do him reverence. Oh, masters, if l
 were disposed to stir
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
ANTONY AT GRIDIRON DINNER
By NED BRACE

BRACE yeur minds and hearts to mutiny and '
 rage should do Harding wrong and Cabot
 wrong. Who. you all know. are honorable men. will not do them wrong; rather choose To wrong the dead. to wrong myself
 and you Than should wrong such honorable men. But two can play the reservation game, And reserve all fllibuster rights. f you have tears, prepare to shed them
 now You all do know this mantle. remsm-
 Der The first time ever Covenant put it on Twas on a Paris evening" in his tent, To circumvent Lloyd George and Cle-{
 menceau. LOON, III lHlS pidce Tan N<Aool udS6er
 through; See what rent Philander Knox hath
 made: Through this the well-elected Harding
 stabbed And as he plucked his deadly steel away. Mark, how the blood of Covenant fol-
 lowed it, As rushing out of doors to be resolved ' If Harding so unkindly knocked or no- That was the most unkindest cut of all, And in his mantle muffling up his face, F en on the evening of November two Which all the while rained votes, great
 Covenant fell Oh, what a fall was there, my country menl Then I. and you, and, all of us fen down And Warren Harding nourished over us. An. now you weep, and I perceive you
 feel
  You should have wept in Paris at the
 birth And saved yourselves this weeping at the
 tomb. Farewell, Covenant lie low and sleep
 well, Farewell the pomp of words and Arti-
 cle X, Farewell the cloud-capped towers and the gorgeous dreams, Farewell the fourteen points and visions
 all, While we. your weeping friends. stand
 by and say: Here was Covenant, when comes such
 another?9
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
Real Cold

Tt is a serious fact" says Solon Ja- !cobs, that northern men who come down south nearly freeze 10 death dur- ing the first winter or two.
 T was talking recently to con |struction engineer who was born and reared in Minnesota and who had done work as far north as Hudson bay. and |yet he was complaining about how try ing our winters were on him.
 T suppose one thing that brings it about is the fact that the weather is more changeable and the houses not built as tight as in the sections where, for instance, they have double windows. Any way, I have noticed for number of years that my friends from the cold CT clmes suffer until they get used to our winters"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

done during the past two years, is especially striking.
 Birmingham prosperity is due to the unusually even course of its indus try during the past several years and is especially to be attributed during the past 12 months to the absence of labor troubles that at times upset the northern industrial centers.
 The steel strike, the outlaw rail road strike and many other disturb ances that paralyzed industry from Pittsburg to Chicago in the fall of 1919 and the early spring of 1920, found no echo here. Production of metals proceeded steadily and at max imum output without moments halt until very recently when country-wide cessation of pig iron buying caused the slowing down of furnace operations.
 Even then the district was stable. The Steel Corporation had so astutely it's order books and so wise ly directed it's sales policies that, when many of the mills that had en- joyed a bonus for prompt delivery found themselves without orders, the corporation mills went ahead as usual.
 Birmingham reflects sound policy on the part of it's large industrial op- orators.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
GETTING NEWS IN M0NTsERRAT


 From the Tampa Tribune.
 Did a mischievous little limb of Satan ever stand where you couldn't see him and flash the suns light from mirror into your face? Anal You used to play that game yourself, did you? Then you would be right at home in the island of Montserrat. in the West In- dies.
 The 10000 inhabitants of Montserrat get all their tidings from the outside world by the flashing of mirrors from the Island of Antigua, 27 miles away. The wireless and cable do not touch this mountainous and isolated pinpoint on the map. Mail boats are infrequent The native must depend almost entire ly upon the heliograph-an instrument used extensively before the telegraph was invented, which means writing with the sum-"
 The messages are flashed from a mir TOT headed into the rays of the sun. The mirror operates from side to side, and in that way the dots and dashes as they are flashed are picked out" and formed into words and sentences. The United States navy still uses A similar system for some signaling work.
 During the war Montserrat was for bidden the use of the heliograph. Too many submarines were lurking in West Indian waters. Now the ban has been lifted, and Montserrat knew on No-- vember that Harding was elected. Life there, as one may gather, isn't as strenuous as on the North American mainland, where every minute counts Most of the inhabitants are negroes, and their principal occupation is raising sugar and producing lime juice.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
THE LATEST FEMININE TABOO

From the Brooklyn Eag gle.
 In all ages there has been piquant interest in wondering what on earth women would do next. And they usual ly have managed to Justify conjecture by doing something else and doing it differently. In these feminist days when the weaker of the species is dem onstratin her weakness by a whole sale, if peaceful, invasion of the fields of industry, politics and commerce. she still finds time to exercise her ancient Tprerogative sufficiently to keep man pondering the everlasting mystery of her
 On rainy day make a study of the feet across the aisle from you in the subway. You will note the feet of the in ponderous rubber treads like so many flat wheeled trucks, while the women well, apparently, the dews and damps hold very small terror for them. In any event. nine out of ten are wholly innocent of rubber pedal accessories,
 The modern feminist movement can not be hampered by swirhng furbeloWs and it isn't. As matter of fact clothes h. me of this type.
 for milady are becoming more and more a minority member in the catalogue of her adjuncts. Feminine garments. hav- ling utilized every form of strategy through the ages, from enveloping movements to A, w. o. L., are being gradually routed by modern feminism and now they are engaged in strategic retreat from north to south and from south to north
 The American Indian explained his his failure to burden himself with pru- dish raiment had made him face all over" Modern woman is not face all over, but she is making progress, and the end is not yet. What she hasn't foreshortened she has discarded as in the case of the Fundamental galoshes! !! In the remoteness of their isolation they were immeasurably conspicuous with out any claims to beauty, and this ended them.
 And so while truck drivers, coal beavers and other robust gentry are combating the lethal puddle with rub bers. as their grandfathers--and even their grandmothers-did before them, the ladies, bless 'em! fare forth, fair or wet, with gossamer hose and their soles next to nature.
 And they get away with it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
It Will Not Be Easy
 to Rescue Armenia

1T N an interview given to a corres- J pondent of the Philadelphia Pub lie Ledger at Atlantic City Henry Morgenthau, who has been chosen to act as President Wilson's personal representative in mediating between the Turks and the Armenians, says the fate of Armenia depends on the allies.
 Without the moral and diplomatic support of the principal powers of Europe MT. Morgenthau would face a hopeless task. As it is, the chances of success are by no means bright. According to press dispatches, the situation has been complicated by an alliance between soviet Russia and Turkish factions with the object of expelling the allies from Constanti- nople. MT. Morgenthau questions these reports, but says if there is a plan to form a coalition between the bolsheviki and Mustapha Kemal, it will probably be undertaken in the spring, land there are no allied troops to in- tervene."
 MT. Morgenthau suggests that if England, France and Italy decide to recognize the bolshevik government they could demand immunity for Ar menia. Some practical way must be found for dealing with 'the elements now outside the diplomatic pale" That is the chief obstacle to relieving an intolerable situation in Armenia. Never was a state in a worse plight, at the mercy of conflicting forces while her friends, who earnestly de- sire to save her, must deal with two of the most troublesome and unrelia- ble elements in international politics, the Turks and the bolsheviki.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
- LUKE M'LUkE SAYS

It takes woman almost as long to make up her mind as it does to make up her face.
 The other night mother listened while daughter and her beau were holding hands in the front room. But mother didn't hear anything new.
 It Is well to remember that the kind of man who will come to you with a go to some other man with nasty story about you. It doesn't do any good to jet some men in on the ground floor. They'll remain in the basement all their lives When father asks mother for half a cup of coffee, mother fills the cup to the brim so father will have something to get mad about. We know a man who talks so much about efficiency that he never ncts any work done
 Some men would get more WASprt out of eating meal if there was a chin rest attached to the plate It doesn't hurt to tell the truth once just as much as women, and sometimes say less.
 1 About once month every married couple shows the need of a peace con ference. 1, When wife saddles the blame on her husband. she insists on riding all over him. I Almost every man knows he could do better if he had some other fellows job,
 Copyright. 192o)
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
BOOKS EFT vERIrAs

William Rose Benet in the New York Evening Post. When Twas youngsser jss. going to
 school
 (The pitiful tale that one tellsD My brain ran a-rippling with ballads by
 Kipling, I worshipped the earlier Wells. often was seen with the Strand Mag
 azine,
 l adored Lancelots, Bediveres, Gobbled Stevenson's fable ard Arthur's
 Round Table And swore by the Three Muske-
 teers." When I was as green. yes, as green as
 the gage That pouts from jam I adore, I wore out Tom Sawyer" till scarcely
 page
 But fluttered away to the floor thought Howard Pyle, in his w onder
 Clock" style, Could hardly be beat by the best: The thrills that l had in "A Modern
 Aladdin" Supplied the infallible test. When was untrained and unversed in
 the arts I loved Andrew Lang. Edward Lsar; Bought numberless tones of the great
 Sherlock Holmes" And envied his brilliant career; In the Tale of Two Cities the thrill
 that is pity's Conveyed how superb it may still be. thou ght Wentworth" was a joy upon
 earth.
 And simply was dazzled by "Trilby." When I was a sprig and my standards
 were low, uncritioal, unautocratic, used to exult in Jack London and Poe, Which 1 read in he'd. bathroom and
 attic. Alas, that's the truth of my terrible
 youth.
 Such the books l thought wa~ ahove
 par. Gee. l thought they were great. in my
 Juvenile state And still am convinced that they are.N
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

The young woman charged with mur- dering Jake Hamon is blessed with enough good looks to impress a jury. Therefore, her lawyers talk like men who have already won their case. Few persons among the Christmas shop pers in Washington recognized President Wilson when he went window shop ping" along Pennsylvania avenue in an automobile. Their minds were on the fateful list
 # % 4 Ponzi is sending out Christmas cards to his dupes, and has composed a song for the tune of Casey Jones'" There is man who is the master of his fate.
 # < # J. Ogden Armour is like a great many other people who are not in the news paper business. He thinks he knows just how newspaper should be run.
 # # 4 Mr. Harding needn't think he will find peace and quiet in Florida. That state is cluttered up with miliionaires who've run away from winter
 # * # Correspondents say Mir Harding is be- ginning to feel the responsibilities of President-elect Now is the time to keep stiff upper lip.
 The spectacle of Brother Bryan and Brother Borah sitting down to discuss world peace was one of epic grandeur.
 < # # The coronation of new pugilistic champion in the 11S-pound class was ac- complished without single "Hoch'
 # # * The young man who posed as "FGd Rickenbacker in Jacksonville was smart enough to stay away from a hangar. Constantine wants to wipe out the im- mecliate past and start all over again. The dliies clln5 to inelI uilteI HheiHoAicS
 # # # Mir Hoover we hear. has not commit ted himself regarding a cabinet position. He's probably keeping ar open mind.
 # # # Travellers and newspaper men show commendable desire to write up the Marauesans before they are extinct
 # :. 4 The drama is looking up. The most beautiful back in the world is now vis- ible on the New fork stage.
 # + # X Chicago man wants marriage i- cer SC to cost as much as dog license. Why increase the hazard? We would not suggest Margot Asquith's autobiography as suitable gift for an old-fashioned maiden lady
 < ]. # Judging from the bilboards. the girl and music industry lacks a great deal of being on it's last legs
 * < # Seventy beers can be bought for sl in Germany Otherwise residence there is not attractive.
 # 4 < The industrious footpad should be in position to give his children a gorgeous Christmas tree
 * # # In Plymouth Rock nature sculptured lasting monument to the Pilgrim fathers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
German Government Financed
 the New York Evening Mail

6f1 HE prison sentence of one year
 U and one day imposed on Dr. Ed ward A. Rumely and two New York attorneys has substantiated charges that the funds of the imperial Ger man government were used during the war to control American newspapers.
 Dr. Rumely is the most conspicu- ous person involved in these charges because he was formerly publisher of the New York Evening Mail. He and his co-defendants were found guilty of failing to report to the alien property custodian a debt of $1,451, 700 which the Mail owed to the German government. It was not proved that the German government actually owned stock in the paper, but that was immaterial. It is reasonable to suppose that when so large a sum of money was placed at the disposal of a newspaper some kind of service was expected in return.
 The Mail may or may not have done anything to justify the confi- dence imposed in it by the Kaiser's government, but the disclosures made were serious reflection on American journalism. That a paper with the prestige of the Mail should have fallen under the evil dominance of Ger many's war lords came as a rude shock to the American people. They suspected that Germany had tried to corrupt the American press, but it was believed that most of the money paid out was received by German language newspapers.
 Dr. Rumely has appealed his case to the higher courts and protests that he is a persecuted man, but his con- viction will meet with public approval. The principle involved was far more serious than in other cases where at tempts were made to deceive the gov ernment by transferring German owned stock in industrial concerns to interruptions persons who agreed to hold it during the war and thus cir cumvent the alien property custodian.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
WIRELESS WAVES BENT
From Popular Mechanics Magazine.

From FopuIar MtcHaHlcS MagazIne.
 It has been suspected for, some time that electric waves are refrac.ad ty the. shore line of large bodies of wa ter. Recent observations bear out the theory, and seem to prove that tie amount of refracton varies with he length of the wave and the angle at which it crosses the shore.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
Birmingham Fares Better
 Than Many Other Cities

1T T is agreed by the intelligent ob-
 server who has been east and has returned to Birmingham that this city is better off than nine out of ten cities in that part of the country. The big business being done by retail mer- chants now, following the business
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
Left Hand Turn

The left-hand turn which is so gen orally practiced by the automobile drivers of Birmingham balls up the traffic every time,' said Fred G. Moore. lefty attorney. 8 If the new ordinance which mas re- gently been drawn up is passed on fa- vorably by the city commissioners, 1t will eliminate this evil in the crowded downtown sections and take away the greatest danger and inconvenience to the pedestrian
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
OUT OF THE FOLD

From the Houston Post.
 Frank Willis Barnett says Mary An derson and Mary Garden are two Marys of whom America is proud. There used to be Maryland. but she stepped aside and went republican last month and we're done with her.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

young woman.
 Yes, ma'am," replied the polite clerk. "rll weigh it for you.'
 But it has to go several hundreE miles. Do you think 1t will reach it's destination in time for Christmas?"
 "oh yes, maam," said the clerk, in soothing tones. Don't you believe everything you read in the papers about MT. Burleson." PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
X MORNING PRAYER

Save me, 0 God. from vain aues- fioninGs of thy works and ways, for I do not know thee ns l should, and | cannot understand. In doubt aud fear may l take refuge in thy wis., dom and thy love. for only there can E,c nt peace. Amen.--M. :. II.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
AMENITIES OF LIsE IN KENTUCKY

From the Augusta Chronicle
 A number of young men serenaded Jesse Cummins and bride and notwith- standing the fact that the bridal couple had retired, the groom was equal to- the we'll known song, The Girls Won't Do to Trust, Boys" as we'll as good instru- mental music. Jesse says, he does not mind these friendly visits, but he would like the serenaders to eat their suppers before coming, as it took all most barrel of apples to fill them up.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
LOVES HIS FELLOW MEN

LOVES HIS FELLOW MEN Your neighbours name is Clipping. is it not?'
 Yes" replied MT. Twobble.
 Why do you address him as 'Abou- -Adhem'?'
 "He offered me the free use of his garage"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
A BLOW TO PRIDE

A gentle yegg was shedding tears, As if his heart would break; So moved was he passer-by's
 Fat purse refused to take His lamentations filled the night
 With accents of despair; We dare say you have never seen A more dejected air. 0 what could be the weight of woe That pressed his spirits down, When he enjoyed, thanks to his "gat, The freedom of the town? ITO think he moaned, rive always
 been
 A pure high minded crook; I might have been the hero of
 A corking story book. 'I ever was industrious
 In gathering the swag, But now I'm overcome with shame, For I've been called 'vag, "A common loafer, hobo. bum,
 The lowest of his kind; A creature who deserves the scorn Of every master mind."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind. --Hcnry VI.
 # x #
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

But the old fruit Jar
 Is still in the cast.
 MIsTREATED
 q met Blithersby on the street just now. He talked as if he didn't care what happened to him"
 Had he quarreled with his wife?'
 "Yes. She poured out his home brew"
 well. Well. That would hardly justify a suit for divorce.' Probably not but it would justify grouch." TO BE EXACT .1s young Dubson still dancing at tendance on Miss Peaclier?' strictly speaking, he's chugging at tendance..s "Yes?' Its a motor car courtship." A MIRTHFUL AFTERNOON
 What's going on over at the Gawker residence?"
 Mrs. Gawker is entertaining few fashionable acquaintances.' "Cards?'
 "Ostensibly. cards, but most of the l entertainment is provided by Mrs Gawkers grammatical errors and so- cial solecisms." CALMING HER FEARS
 .I want to send this package spe cial delivery said the flustered
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24
MISTAKE IN IDENTITY

MISTAKE IN IDENTITY You seem worried" q am,." replied Senator snortsworthy, "as he pointed to a pile of telegrams. T thought my trodhles were over on election day. but a great many of my constituents seem to think I'm Santa Claus" "MoONSHINE' CONTAINER
 The little brown jug
 Is thing of the past
 But the old fruit jar
 Is still in the cast.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-24

.T want to send this package 'spe ] cial delivery said the flustered
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-28
PLATING SUPERINTENDENT (Acr.franfl


 We have good opening for bright young man as sdper- intendent in our plating and eoEoring department; must be expert on brass plating and coloring. Ex- cellent opportunity for right party to connect with a rap idly growing New York corporation and offers ad- vancement to position of superintendent as soon as ability is proven Write giving full particulars as to age, married or single, past experience in this line and salary expected to start. Alp plications treated confident iaI1y. Address MT. Karmen, Keeney-Karmen Company, 40 9th Avenue, New York City. U24p*
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-28
SUPERINTENDENT SHEET METAL STAMPING
 CsiGfanfN

We have an opening for a conscientious young man as assistant superintendent who has held similar position and is an expert on sheet brass stamping, particu larly on brass novelties such as brass vanity boxes, lip stick hold CTS, etc. Excellent oppor- tunity for the right man to connect with a rapidly grow ing New York corporation and offers advancement to position of superintendent as soon as ability is proven. Write giving full particulars, as to age, married or single. past experience, in this line and salary expected to start Applications treated confldentially. Address MT. Karmen, Keeney Karmen Company, 40 9th Avenue, New York City. U24p*'
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-28
(AssiStant).

We have good opening for bright young man as super intendent in our plating and coloring department; must be expert on brass plating and coloring. Ex- cellent opportunity for right party to connect with a rap idly growing New York corporation and offers ad- vancement to position of superintendent as soon as ability is proven. Write giving full particulars as to age, married or single, past experience in this line and salary expected to start. Ap- p1ications treated confident ialIy. Address MT. Karmen, Keeney-Karmen Company, 140 9th Avenue. New York City. U24p*