Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-07-01
The indnill
Ye JULYE ALMAN.EK.

re ,JULYE ALMANEK.
Whenne Julye's he ate and humores
irk,
~ name Of sense, escheweth worke.
Thls is good month for sun
strokes, freckles drownings and pic
MICS. 1t is a poor lime tor chilblains.
minee pie. skating parties and coal
shortages.
The weather this month Will be
warm and warmer.
July FALL STILES appeAr In all :
shops.
Persistent work in the garden this
month will ensure q splendid crop
Of sunburn.
July 4--This day invented. 177s.
Adults will celebr ate this day safely
and sanely; your gstert, safely and
sorrswfully.
July Ao-SEOWull AZ DeeOne0 De-
come larger; bathing suits smaller.
Favorite> literatr re this month will
be OF the vacation foldar school.
July 2o-Democr attic candidate now
ahead by one accusation and two
maledictions.
Vote for Eugene v. D,sbs ana make
the Atlanta penitentiary the White
House.
July a5-straw hats may now be
purchased for ONLY. three times what
they are worth.
July so-Do your Christmas shop
ping early.
Most political k,,ynotes ,sound like
jaz1 at its worst.
AS for the socialists who i,omi-
mated convict 225s. their keynote
was a lockstep.
4 s 4
Well China has the open door
again. In view o.: what's happened
to her on previc us occasions we
should say that she'd be better OF
with half-dozen- or-so locks.
Why not try Professor Einstein,
discoverer Of the fourth dimension.
~, The oh1&xs,9
IMPOSSIBLE EpISTIlEs.
Mr.. John Smith, Dear Sir:-As
you have probable noticed by the
papers. the whole sale price OF meat
has dropped con.'iderably since the
first OF the year. We fnd, in look- 4
ing over our bills, that we have In
advertently been charging you on
basis fixed six m onths age. Al our
profits have therefore been some +
what excessive, we take pleasure In
sending you here with q recefpted
bill for your acc punt OF even date. 4
Hoqing you will call the matter
square,
Yours truly, E
George 1.utemon,
Butcher. s
49,
Dear Pater:-P1 ohibitiorl has been q
in effect this entirs semester and my 3
expenses for books and lat, fees have
been hardly anything at all. So r.
have been able to isave practically ell
Of the allowance you so generously
sent me. am en- closing q money
order for the amou mt and want you B
and mother and tie girls to take It
and come up here to see me grad
uate at the head Of my class. You &
won't have to sell the Limousine
after all.
Dutif,llly.
John. II.
Dere Missus nth, ime sorry LEI
yore good phase. aver here ware ime Z,
now thay don't have enuf work to do
an give me 80 M ny daze OF lime
awful lonely. the wages Is good but
ime spending most Of It Mt these
here movies. nov dere mjssus smith
cant come bach. to yore kitchen
agen and do yors work for you, II
you jest say the word we can make
1t / dollar = week less than what you
payed me before
you1l lovingly,
BridssG
Dear Johnt-I trust you are hAv-
ing . good time while am away. i
It L. lovely up here and I do miss
you 30 much. Mrs. Jones, who has
just joined us. tells ms you are
running around . good deal and
dallying among the white Lights
quite q bit But she Ii 9. cat any
way, and don't believe Z word Of
1t. Besides. II It were true wouldn't
mind, as I think a husband has
perfect right to smuse himseh any
way he pleases when he Ia left alone.
OF course, don't expect you to
bring anyone to the house, ~ the
neighbors might H:alk. The bromo
seltZer fs I'm the Hght-hand corner