South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-12


undertook "a thing that I'd have 90
apologize for even under the New
Jci scy Trust laws.
Ne and Caligula Polk. 81 Musko-
gee IN the Greek Nation. was down
in the Mexican state OF Tamaulipas
running perpipatetic lottery and
monte game. &Ow. selling lottery
tickets is q government graft in
Mexico. just like selling As cents
worth OF postage stamps for 40 s.
over here. So Uncle p0rfriO be in
structs the rurales TO attend 10 our
case.
RuraieE2 They're sort Of country
police. but don't draw any mental
cray0n portraits Of tho worthy con-
stable with a tin star and q gray
E0atee. The ruraieS-well if we'd
mount our Supreme Court on bron-
cos. arm 'em with Ninchesters and
start 'em out after John Doe et al.
we'd have about the same thing.
When the ruraIes started for US
Ue started FOR the States They
ehesed us ~ far as MatamOras We
hid in o brickyard. and that night
sve swum the Rio Graude. Cangula
with a brick I'm each hand. absent
minded. which he drops upon the
soil Of Texas. fOrEetting ne had
em.
From there we emigrated 10 San
Autole. and then over TO New or
leans, where we took a rest And in
that town Of cotton bales and other
adJuRct5 10 female beauty we made
The acuua intauCe OF drinks invented
bv the Creoles during the period of
Louey Cans IN which they are still
served at the side doors. The most
I can remem Der Of this town Is that
u.e and Calir1ia and Frenchmau
named McCSrty-wait a minute;
AdOlph McCar'y-Wds trying 10
make the French Quarter pay up
tie back trading stamps due on the
Louisiana purchaae. when somebody
boilers that the johndarms are com
ing. Z have an insufficient reCOleC-
ton Of buying two yellow tickets
through "a window, and i seem TO
see q man swing a lantern and say
'tAI aboard" remember no more.
except that the train butcher was
-overing me and Caugula up with
Augusta J. Evans works and figs.
When we become revived. we find
that we have collided mp against a
State Of Georgia at "a spot hitherto
Unaccountcd FOR I'm time tables eX-
rept by an astehisk. which means
that trains stop every other Thurs
day on signal by tearing up "A rail
We was walked up in yellow pine
hotel by the noise OF flowers and the
smell OF birds Yes sir. FOR the
wind was banging sunfloWers as big
as buggy wheels against the wealth
er boarding and the chicken coop was
right under the window. Me and
Caligula dressed and went down
i've c-h limo
peas on the front porch. He was
six feet or chills and fever. and
HOngkong in complexion. though ia
other respects ne seemed amend
able in the exercise OF his sentiments
and features.
Caligula, who is a spokesman by
birth. and small man. though red
haired anC impatient OF painfulness
Of any kind. speaks up.
'Pardner,' says ne, 'gOod-mOrn-
Ing and be darned To you. Would
you mind telling US why we are at?
We know the reason we are where.
but can't exactly figure out on ac-
count of at what place"
We'll, gentlemen, says the land
lord. II reckon you-all would be in
quiring this morning. YOU-all drop
ped off OF the $3.50 train here last
night: and YOU was right tight. Yes.
you was right smart i'm liquor. I can
inform YOU that you are now i'm the
town OF Mountain Valley. in the
state of Georgia"
ION top OF that" says Caligula.
don't say that we can't have any
thing 10 eat"
sit down. gentlemen" says the
landlord. ant in 20 minutes I'll
call YOU 20 the best breakfast you
can get anywhere irs town"
The breakfast turned out to be
composed of friend bacon and a vel
lowish edince that proved Up some
thing between pound cake and flex-
ihle sandstone. The landlord calls il
corn pone. and then ne sets out
dish OF the exaggerated breakfast
food known as hOminy. and so me
and CaliEula makes the acquaintance
OF the celebrated food that enabled
every Johnny Reb 20 lick one and
twO-thirds Yankees for nearly four
years at stretch
The wonder by me il. says Cali
eula. that Uncle Robert Lees boys
didn't chase the Grant and sherman
OUTFIT clear up into Hudsons Bay.
% would have made me that mad 10
eat this truck they call mahogany
Hog and hominy.' i explains lis
the staple food Of this section"
Then. says CaliEuIa. they ought
Go keep DO where it belongs. ] thought
this was hotel and not stable.
Vow. IL we WAS in Muskogee at the
-. Lucifer House. Ia show you
some Breakfast grub. Antelope
steaks and fried liver to begin ou.
and venison outlets with chilli con
carne and pineapple fritters. and
then some sardiues and mixed
pickles. and top it on with q can of
yellow cliugs and a bottle OF beer.
You won't find n layout like that on
the bin OF affairs OF any OF your
Eastern restaurants.
'"Too lavish" says T. eve tray
eled. and I'm unprejudiced. Thereu
never be q perfect breakfast eaten
until some man grows arms Ions
enough 20 stretch down 10 New or
leans for his coffee and over to
Norfolk for his rolls. and reaches up
20 Vermont and dics a slice of butt
ter out of a sprinE-house, and then
turns over a beehive close 90 white
clover patch out in Indiana for shc
rest. Then he'd come pretty close to-
making a meal on the amber that
the gods eat on Mount Olympia"
Too enhamCraI saws C4ffgrIT.