Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-04-18
Lardner''s Weekly Letter

shows what a menace the whole thing
is and how much time and lives might
of been saved only for the telephone.
For delicate reasons l will give
| fctions names in writeing about these
incidents as they was all told to me
in confidantes and the people con-
serned or their heirs and assigns do
not want their real name mentioned.
The first case is in regards to a
party name Avril Squash as we will
call him. and one day when he was
ten years old his father had been
away from home a couple months and
told his mother that il she wanted
! him for anything he would be stop
I ping at the Waldorf. So finely she run
out of money and decided she better
call her husband up and tell him out
| she couldn't spare the time on acct.
of it being Thursday and she had to
| cook supper. so she asst Avril to do IT.
| What is the number" said Avril.
| What is the differents?" was his
mothers reply. but If you must
have it, it is Pennsylvania $500"
| Eight years later Mrs Squash hap
pened to be passing through the room
| where the telephone was and seen
Avril and asst him II he was thinking
| about going to college.
wait till I get Central. was ms
reply.
Fifty wears later she come through
the room again and seen him and ast
him what was he going to do with the
balance Of his life and he said he
| would like to go and get country
home somewheres and raise ducks and
| brakes and she said all right let the
phone call go, so he tried to get VI
| but the receiver was grated to his
ear and his beard was % IT. long ant
| very painful and he couldn't stir and
Just then central answered and hi
said where have you been and sh'
| said ut must of been my grandmother
you was trying to get" and this ga
give him the number. but in the mean,
| while the old man had died at thu
ripe old age of 1876 and left nothing
but his hotel bill.
The next case is about a girl who
We will call Rowena Framm for thu
sake of an argument and she was
other nobody seemed to pay mucf
tension and at the hour of going Il
press she was % yrs. old and 4
looked like she would stay that way
so one day she happened to be out o
other humorous reading matters 8,
she picked up the telephone book ant
a sentence on the outside coveri
caught her in the eye to wit:
TO get a policeman. just say L
operator, I want policeman" 81
Rowena said to herself better DO
liceman than nothing so she just SAFE
II,
and operator finely said all right ant
pretty soon a knock came to the doc
and Rowena hobbled up and opened 1t
but when the policeman seen she was
1o2 yrs. old he went back on hi.
beat.
Then they's another case | nigh
mention about a young reporter tina
he had just got a job and one nigh
the good reporters was all out cover
ing weasel fight and all of "A suddeI
the city editor got word that the ole
peoples home was n fire so here wa,
this reporter who We will call Ma
Duegs for the sake of an arpnn.n,
and he was the only one in the ofIic
so the city editor said "Luegs 90 a.,
and report this fire" So Lupps w.n
to the fire and got the story Locke,
al the telephone directory and s..,
ON the cover, To report a fire ius
say to operator. i want to reno,
: fire SO ne said that to the operat q
R and she give him the CITY editor a ~,
he said, yes. Luggs, that is what
| thought you wanted or | wouIdn,, .
0 sent you out on the assignment hn
;, vile you been gone they have hull,
: new old peoples home and as far as
h get room with bath :"
:. So gents as l say the ,,;nr.
into the presidential chairs ofpc. -,
e second thing ! Will do 10 IN. ~. "a
e telephone Co over to German' -
4 deport all the operators and n 7 ava
want to talk TO somebody 10. ~.
h in the house l will tell An, .nat lsh
II son to bring the Mayfowar al VI
q the front door and 60 Ia 49, iouhu I
d and save time. MUS
i KING W, LARDNER.
d Copyright. 1920, BY the Reu s,ndic.,. =.