Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-10-17
NOT TAKING 1T TOO SERIOUSLY
Some Angles of the Passing Show That May Have
Escabed the G1oon,s and Gvouches
BY KIRK MILLER.

Both SIDES TO the polltlCdl depdte
are claiming the universe.
Democrats have received inside in
formation that Cox will carry the
world and suburbs.
Repubs. have a private wire to Mars
which brings the nimble news that
Harding will sweep Saturn. Venus
and milky way stations.
Dems. concede themselves a victory
and Cops admit that they have the
election colder than Cleveland has
the series.
Cox has ordered a Louis XVI suite
of dining room accessories for the
White House and Harding has ordered
complete new set of openwork
plumbing for the imperial shower
baths.
When all that new furniture arrives
at the Executive Mansion it's going
to blend like tureen of mulliga-
tawny.
| In other words. the election is all
over but the voting. And after all.
votes were the only thing which kept
Judge Hughes out in 1916.
There's no harm in either side claim
ing everything in sight. but you don't
grab a presidential election the same
as you do homestead right Out in
Montana they pin dishrag on a
off the grass. but the presidency is a
two-man solo. not counting Eugene
V. DebbS.
Truth is often stranger than fiction
and if there's any doubt in your mind
ing inha1e of Georgia. The Crackers
were supposed to be as much a part
of the solid south as the handle is of
the pump. They're still south. but
they amt adamant.
Along about this course Of the quad
renniel banquet the politicians always
begin to count their cookies before
they're out of the oven That's unfair,
like water in gasoline. The candidate
who carries all his votes in one bun
die and then carries the bundle by
the string is due for flowers and
Chopin's well known dirge.
Each side claims that the woman
vote is going to turn the trick. Wom-
an is the biggest problem on the woe
spang1ed earth and when you hook
her up with the second biggest conun-
drum, politics, you've got rebus
tough to beat.
In plain chatter, the home brewn-
cites and the never-at-home blondes
can change the complexion of the
race without the aid of cosmetics.
Fair enough, as the woodpecker said
to the owl!
In political stampede, the parasites
make campaign capital out of even
breadcrumbs.
Drys claim that Harding is a wet"
because he has a rail on his front
porch. Anything with a rail on it is
Indicative of the saloon, SO the Sa-
hara vote will flop over to Cox like
waff1es in q restaurant window. That's
reducing partisanship to a science!
the campaign to date. What will hap
pen or what will be said from this out
is intricate to guess, but the verbal
fireworks so far have been OF the
best.
In war times you could be de-
ported for thinking lot OF the SLUT Stun
that has been said right out In open
meetin' since the campaigns were
launched. It's getting so that 1T ISM
safe to read the newspapers without
first DOMINIC set OF aspeStos spec
tacles. The old-fashioned blue glasses
couldn't stand the strain Oh modern
campaign literature.
The senator from Gazumpp calls
the mayor Of Wheezus red-headeo'
pop-eyed, two-eared goof without res
ervations The Infatuated mayor re-
jectives that can't be found In the
most unabridged dictionary south OF
the Mason-Dixon line.
Attorney General and Postmaster
Ditto have been labeled everything
from Nadir to Zenith and from matin
to curfew. During the recent inter-
national unpleasantness, one chirp
anent these dignitaries and the chirp-
er would languish behind one of our
most refined and best ventilated peni-
tentiaries.
Proving that all is not fair in love
and war, which is o. X. in hate and
politics.
Monkey snapped at king, which
proves that the species Is rapidly re-
verting We knew the early worm
snapped at the bird and that the big
fish eat the little ones. but can't find
any precedent for a chimpanzee nib
bling at a piece of royalty.
Imitation is the sincerest fiattery.
but you don't pipe anybody counter
feiting article ten.
When people refer to a. happily