The Washington herald., 1920-04-30
B, DOROTHY DIX
oepyright, 1szo.
wheeler syn1iezte. Inc.

has jumping toothache, and q pain
In the back. and has been UP half
Of the night walking q sick baby.
She never has nerves. or gets
cranky: or is contrary, or afbicted
with the other shortcomings Of her
sex.
She IL a reasonable woman who
doesn't stay awake at night to see
how late her husband stays out, nor
complain that Il is lonesome to be
left alone. Neither does she be-
grudge her husband his golf or
think that he might better expend
the money that golf balls, and cad
dies and club bills cost, on buying
shoes Tor his family.
On the contrary, she realizes that
q man needs diversion, and that 1t
is q relief to him to- get away from
business and family cares. SO she
urges him to ,amuse himself and not
to think of her because she has all
the pleasures Of staying quietly at
home, and the excitement of nursing
the children and taking the baby
out in his perambulator.
She is a domestic and homekeep-
ing woman, but she shines in. So
ciety when he chooses TO take her
forth. She's a wonderful cook. but
she never smells of the kitchen. She
never wants to go out of an evening
except when he proposes it. She
has the most excellent judgment,
but she always defers to him in
every matter.
Above all. the ideal wife Is a
miracle worker. who never annoys
her husband by asking him for
money. She keeps q splendid table
Nn a ta q ~ q
beautifully dressed in clothes that
make the neighbors rubber. but she
never spends anything on them.
She Is never sick, or has . doctors
bill. and thus proves the truth of
the old adage. that two can live
as cheaply as one" provided q man
has the luck to get an ideal wife.
The woman's ideal husband IL as
equally entitled to place in the
freak museum as Is a mans ideal
wife.
A woman's ideal husband is
perpetual lover. a man who can go
on handing out, soft talk for forty
years at q stretch. and who will
tell her after she is old and fat and
grizxle eaded that she is the most
beautiful creature in the world. and
that she could make her fortune in
moving pictures IL David Grifiith.
or. Ince, or some director who is on
a still hunt for female pulchritude
could only see her. .>....
He is a man who is slushing over
with romance, and yet a marvellous
business man;sa man who can talk
sentiment with one hand and make
money with the other. SO to speak.
for while she desires a soul mate,
and one who .yearns after the high
,er. life, she also wants Limousine
and somebody who can make her
exceedingly comfortable in this sor-
did lower life where a woman re-
qoires good clothes and new hats
to hold her own.
He must be a masterful man.
stern and commanding to all the
balance of the. world, but a piece
of putty in her. hands that she can
twist around her finger. He must
be cold as ice to others, yet a seeth-
ing volcano to her. He must never
be sick, nervous, tired or grouchy
and cross, no matter what strain he
Is going through in his business. or
how hard he works at the office,
but he must always come home
cheerful and buoyant and optimis-
tic. and ready to jump into his dress
clothes and 60 out and spend the
evening at some place Of amuse-
ment with his wife. 4
He must always praise her cook
ing when she has q good dinner,
but when she stays out late at a
matinee. or a bridge game he must
be equally charmed to eat out of
. can and paper bag.
He must take an interest In his
home. and be willing to 60 without
cigars to buy new parior. curtains,
but he must not dream of such a
thing rs having q room for himself,
or q closet or even one single soh-
tary hook in, closet that is his
individual property. A
He must be willing to give up all
Of his old friends when he gets
married and perceive that they had
q bad influence over him and espe-
cially that his old women friends
were -zer- -well-er-not exaetlyi
nice, and to substitute his wife,s
friends for them. and he must be
glad to have his wife's family per-
petually occupying the guest room.
and not 20 Sraise q scene about II
when he Is forced to write his peo-
pie that itlisn't convenient to have
them come just now. = .,
/, And he must call. his wife's tenn
per nerves. and always, be grateful
to her for marrying him. and make
public acknowledgment that she
has been q noble,s uplifting, infiu-
enceA in his life, and that marriage
has been his salvation. &
5 A closeup view Of q pan's ideal
wife would show composite pic
ture Of Mary Ann, Lillian Russell,
Hetty Green and Theda Bara regis
tering complete. domesticity, fade
less beauty, a pocketbook with a
Yale lock on It and an inexhausti-
BILE line of fascination.
A woman's ideal man would be
cross between a matinee hero,
Mr.. Rockefeller and JOB.
And neither man nor woman
could endure his or her ideal for a