The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-12-27
Confessions of
a Hulrnorist
COPYRIGHT. 1899. bv Doubleday. rugc
& Co. published hv special arrun0e-
uent ,csfh the Nhccicr
Syndicate, Tue

G Co. Published hv special arrange.
ment ,csfh the Whccicr
Syndicate. Tue
There was a painless stage OF In
cuhation that lasted IS years. and
then 4, broke out on me. and peopl,
said was IT.
nut they called /, humor instead Of
measles.
The employees In the store bought q
silver inkstand for the senior part
ner on his Both birthday. We
crowded into his private office u
present IL
had been selected as spokesman,
and made a little speech that had
been preparing for a week.
Il made hit IL was full OF pun'
and epigrams and funny twists that
brought down the house which was
very solid one in the wholesale
hardware line Old Marlowe himself
actually grinned. and the employees
took their cue and reared.
My reputation as humorist dtae'
from half.past nine o'clock that
morning.
For weeks afterward my fellow
clerks famed the flame OF my SELF
esteem one by one they came tC
me. saying what an awtully clever
speech that was. old man. and care
fully explained 10 me tho point OF
each one OF my Jokes.
Gradually | found that was cx
pected to keep Il up. Others might
speak sanely on business matters
and tho days topics. but from ms
something gamcsome and airy was
required.
by degrees my fancy spread. and
became a local character" our
town was small enough 10 make this
possible. Tho daily newspaper quoted
me. At social gatherings | WAS In
dispensablc.
believe did possess consider
able wit and a facility for quick and
spontaneous repartee. This gift
cultivated and improved by practice
And the nature Of IL was kindly and
genial. not running 10 sarcasm OF
offending others. People began 10
smile when they saw me coming
and by the time we had met l gen
orally had the word ready to broaden
the smile into a laugh.
had married early. We had n
charming boy OF three and a girl OF
five. Naturally. we lived In a vine
covered cottage. and were happy, My
salary as bookkecper In tho hard
ware concern kept at a distance
those Ills attendant upon supcrfuous
wealth.
At sundry times I had written out
few jokes and concci;s that | con
sldercd peculiarly happy. and had
sent them to certain periodicals tina,
print such things All OF them had
been Instantly accepted. Several Of
the editors had written TO reques,
further contributions
One day I received n letter from
the editor OF famous weekly pub
LEGATION. He suggested that submit
10 him a humorous composition 20
fiIl n column Of space; limiting that
hs would mako IL a regular feature
Of each issue II tho work proved sat.
isfactory. did so and at the end
of two weeks he offered To make a
contract with mo for n year at a
figure that was considerably higher
than the amount paid me by the
hardware firm
was filled with delight My wife
already crowned me In her mind
with the impcrishable everxr~ens OF
literary success We had lobster
croauettes and bottle OF blackberry
vino for supper that night Here
was tho chance TO iIberate myself
from drudgrry. talked over the
matter very seriously with Louisa
We agreed that must resign my
place at the store and devote myself
to humor.
resigned. My fellow clerks gave
me farewell banquet The speech
made there coruscated. II was
printed in full by the Gazette. The
next morning / awoke and looked at
Tn. clock.
Late. by GEORGE I exclaimed.
and grabbed for my clothes Louisa
reminded me that was no longer a
slave to hardware and contrnctors'
supplies. I was not a professional
humorist.
After breakfast she proudly led me
10 the little room off the kitchen.
Dear girl There was my table and
chair, writing pad. ink. and pipe
tray. And all the authors trappings
the celery stand full OF fresh roses
and honeysuckie. last years calen-
dar on the wall. the dictionary. and
little bag OF chocolates TO nibbic
between inspirations. Dear grit
sat me 10 work. The wall paper
IN patterned with srabesdues or
odalisks or-perhaps--it Is trape.
zoids. Upon one OF the figures |
fixed my eyes. ! bethought mo OF
humor.
A voice startled mo Louisa's
voice.