The Washington herald., 1920-11-26
Dorothy Dix's
Excellent Aduice
THE srEr-MoTHER.
Copyrisht, te2o. Wheeler
syndicate. Inc.


other woman's children
I wish ! could, but there r.
precious little OF comfort TO say. be-
yond reminding those who are toll
Ing ~ the hardest and most thank
less JOB on earth. that Heaven fs
their home. snd the Jewels in their
angel crown will be Kohinoors. IL
they faint not In veli-doing. And
that's nothing TO cheer about. for
while we all hope 10 eventually re-
ceive our eternal reward, we are
none OF Us In a hurry to cash IN
on IT,
No ether woman's lot has SO many
thorns and 80 few roses in IL as the
step-mother's. No matter what she
does, she is invariably criticized,
misunderstood. illuminated. Her
sacrifices are rarely appreciated by
those for whom she makes them.
No matter how good and kind she
is. people attribute to her motives
that belong only TO a fiend. and the
fact that in the face of this common
knowledge regarding the fate OF
STEP mothers, there are still women
who marry widowers with children,
proves that the race OF fools, or
saints, or martyrs, Is still extant
Or else IL shows that widowers
really have, what is often attributed
TO them, a hypnotic power with
women which makes the fair sex
ready to get up and follow them
when they whistle, no matter what
| the obstacle.
II Is the custom TO pity the chill
dren when q widower gets married,
for We all have gloomy visions of
what a cruel step-mother can do 10
the poor helpless little ones who
have fallen into her power, but while
We have our handkerchiefs out. and
are weeping over the woes of the
children. we might ss we'll drop a
few sympathetic tears also for the
step-mother. and the things that a
bunch Of strenuous children are
likely 10 do TO her.
| Heaven knows that raising ones
own chilren is no cinch. The reason
that God sends along with every
baby as its birthday gift to it's
mother, that unreasoning. uncriticai,
inexhaustible thing that We call the
maternal passion, and that enables
every woman to believe that each
individual child of hers is a tran
scendent genius and q perfect
beauty is TO give a woman the pa
.
1 and aggravations OF childhood, and
TO make her believe that the child
is worth the trouble of rearing.
But the step-mother takes this bur
I den OF vicarious motherhood volun-
tarily upon her shoulders, and God
works no miracle in her behalf. He
leaves her to shift for herself. She
/ has none Of that blind and fanaticsl
love for a child uIat makes her see
only high spirits in its wAnton mis-
chievousness, and a sensitive tenn
perament in it's howIs of temper.
! When little Johnnie takes a pin
and draws pictures of animals on
tho mahogany dining room table,
his own mother sees in IL only the
indication hat nature has destined
him 10 be a great animal painter.
But step-mother would see in the
4 same act only the wanton destruc-
tion of a cherished piece of furni-
iture, and feel that little Johnnie
ought to be spanked. Thats the
difference Of the point OF view be-
tween mine and thine
The step-mother's lot is also made
more dificult by the attitude of the
relatives and friends of the chill
dren's mother. As long as q woman
is dealing with her own children,
her family uphold her hands. They
recognize that children must be dis
ciplined, and their impulses curbed:
that they must be punished when
they do wrong, that their manners
must be corrected, and that they
must be coerced into the straight
and narrow path IL they won't walk
along il voluntarily. So grandpa
and grandma. and the aunties and
the uncles, and the friends, generally
tell Johnnie and Mary that they
must be good children, and mind
what mother says.
Far otherwise is their attitude
when step-mother sits in the place
Of the children's own mother. Then
the first wife's relatives, either con-
sciously or unconsciously, begin
turning the children into little reb-
els. and setting their hands against
their step-uother. They are insid-
lously taught by their mothers peo-
pie 10 look with suspicion upon
every act which the step-mother
does, to resist her authority, and to
believe that there is some sinister
purpose concealed behind her sim
plest act.
II often happens that the chill
NANh eNNPhAONhci - ldT more ln-
telligent woman than their own
mother was, and a woman Of more
culture and wider social expert
ence, but when she tries to raise
the children UP to a level TO which
their own mother could never have
raised them they resent IL and hate
her for the good she has done them.
'"~'N--'- ne tsep-mother feels
that il jS hard for h.r % .n.,d
her life laboring for children who
do not give her even thanks for
the weary hours she spends cook
ing and sewing and cleaning to
make them comfortable and who do
~ot appreciate the sacrifices she
mTkes for them let her remember
tN"t children seldom annrN~iste the
things their own mothers do for
them or are grateful to her FIlial
appreciation ts mostly a graveyard
virtue. and hourishes most freely
on tomhstones
There are no nohler women IN
the world. ond none who perform
n greater service, than the women
w. -.e~ ,~+h~.s. who
come into q widower's dIsorganized
house and turn its chaos into or
der and who nurse. and guide. and
help, and love his children so that
thew never know that they are
motherless. Great is their sacrifice
and great shall be their reward.
But they'll only get II in heaven.
ARNSTrN CASE PAPERS
i SOUGHT BY REPLEVIN