New-York tribune., 1920-10-20
College Course
In Manly Art
Looms Up Big
Adoption of Boxing by Uni.
versities Seen as Boon
to Embryo Politicians
By Fred Hawthorne

Dy Frcd Hawthorne
ut has been brought to our attcn-
tion,' as they say in diplomatic circles.
that the National Collegiate Athletic
Association has been requested to form
and sponsor an intercollegiate box
ing association, for the purpose, pre-
sumably, of furthering the art of
punching the other fellow where he
would like to punch you, and doing it
first.
This is as it should be. A course in
the boxing curriculum ought to be ever
so valuable to those contemplating 8
political career, particularly in inter-
national politics. A graduate of the
new course could hold his own in any
forensic company.
No longer would we read, in the
cable dispatches, notices to the effect
that Mr.. Bare Knuckles, the American
Ambassador to Russia, in making his
plea for international brotherhood be-
fore the Soviet yesterday. said: May
not ask, and so forth, and then drove
his arguments by pounding on the
speakers table with clenched fists"
Ihe new order of things will be bet
ter and it will save lot of needless
brutality. Instead of rendering an
audience unconscious by slow degrees
with words, the orator of the future
Will condense his speeches to the
merest skeleton of words, and then
drive home his arguments not by
pounding the table but by pounding
the nose of his political foeman. Blood
will be shed, it is true, but what is one
mans blood compared to a thousand
mems feelings?
Supposedly the classes in boxing will
meet for study and discussion just
after the chapel service session, and
the professor in charge, j. Howling
Swat, ". d., F. NJ, will delvc. his lee
ture and then ask the students to quiz
him and offer suggestions as to any
Professor Swat, etc, will receive
close attention from the class, for the
flock of capital letters after his name
signify that he is not only a Doctor Of
Wallops but also holds a certificate for
swinging a Mean Fist.
II am going to address the class this
morning on the intrinsic value of the
Knockout and its relation to ancient
Greek art Professor Swat will begin.
learned in our previous lecture, is that
condition of mind and body that rem
ders your adversary out Of touch with
the Infinite He's not in touch with
anything except the canvas floor of the
ring.
For example, should ] mpinge my
folded digital men bers IN immediate
proximity to Mr.. Gloves lower maxil-
larry, Mr. Glove would at once be placed
ing the impingement were sufficiently
imbued with force. And I wish to eau
ton the class at this point on the
necessity of at all times preserving its
culture. Always obtain plenty Of fol-
low through on your blows and impart
plenty of physical power not so force
fully as to appear rough, but still with
plenty of enthusiasm
"lt has recently been discovered"
Professor j. Howlng Swat will con
tirue, that we are about to inherit
once more the secret Of the ancient
Greek art. Men have been cropping af-
ter this lost secret ever since the era
that produced such works of art as
statues of the Venus de Milo, Achil-
les, Hermes and the Dying Gladiator.
"But the world is on the VERGE. as
have said, of regaining the priceless
secret. It is now known that there is
no such thing as an artistic soul for
instance, that enables sculptor or q
painter to create works 'of beauty
eoualing those of the ancient Greeks
No, the whole thing resolves itself
down to a matter of circles, circles and
squares.
"The latest research work along
these lines has demonstrated that the
ancient Greeks used what they called
'whirlng squares in creating their
masterpieces The man who construct
Cd the apollo Belvidere,' for example,
was not in reality a sculptor with the
divine affiatus. He was simply plas-
terer who knew his system of 'whirling
squares and once we have them at our
finger tips art will flourish again"
Only own research work has con
WINGED me-" he will conclude, that it
is boxing that is going to take a promi-
nent part in leading us back TO the
idylic art of the ancients. An i'm
pingement of the closed digital mem
bers against lower maxillary, as | have
demonstrated, will at once put your ad-
but simultaneously he will perceive
several millions of 'whirling squares
The Class Is Dismissed
at will remain but simple matter
to abstract from the subconscious mind
of your prone adversary, as he listens
to the birds sing, the secret of these
'whiring squares and circles Once
that is accomplished, art will come into
such a renaissance as the world has
never known before.
THE class is dismi ssed. Kindly de-
posit your gloves and brass hnuckles
/ in the basket as you file out"