davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27

The way the trains move along
through the loop district YOU would think
they were afflicted with locomotor alta
KAN. they move so fast It looks like
they are really going somewhere then
comes a sudden stop and %a'lunge for
ward-just like a busy crawhsh. Motor
lists arc apt to lose their patience and
crowd the train on sue occasions. but
rather than inture railroad property it
would be more expedient to take up a
collection and ask the nearest brakeman
TO cut the cars.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27
HANK and PETE

S-What is the difference between a
backhre into the earburetor and a back.
FIRE in the munler2
9-How does magnetic ignition timing
differ from that of battery ignitiona
19-Where is the diherentiaI located in
a double chain driven carr
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27

Lady the other day almost lost her dog
when he was Jared OF while the ma
chine was doing an aerial stunt and the
dear little thing was druG eight blocks.
He looked like a sure enough piece Of
bologna and the physician who was
carod 10 tend the injuries remarked
'Oh. amt he appetizingo% Needless 20
say this physician lost that case then
and there.
Hammond minister tells about going to
the rescue Of an automobile wrecked in
a ditch alongside d road near Hammond.
Approaching the unfortunate machine in
a helpful mood he asked the victims if
they needed any help. Someone r@s-
pended. NO. keep your hands % YOUR
self. The minister then passed on and
whispered TO himself Guess that's
not a wreck, after all
Keep off the road to Michigan City
around the lake-hoadline reads. say.
Mister. you didn't imagine we could
keep on it. did YOU? A-utomohIlists say
the road via valpo gets you there an
hour sooner. although it is twenty mil
es longer.
Autoists will rejoice when the cement
ing Of Plummer avenue is completed.
Thanks TO whoever is responsible Tor
his noble act toward the public good
we assure you kind sirs that we a~e
grateful for one more street that we
can travel without doing a~crobat.c
stunts.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27

found in the water supply The germ
is said T. be perfectly harmless to hu-
mans. but death to automobiles. Later
bulletins say Boil the water. strain
through sieve. add one ounce or
Nivoudom.s LILY Of the Nallev- Lei set
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27

ten blocks. I would say try the radie-
tor. although we knew OF a man who
filed his spare tire with the precious
stuff. but he had the misfortune to
blow out on all four before he got 10
his destination
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27

Hammond streets are TOO rough for
your poodle 10 ride or the rInninr board.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-09-27
over night and serve vet

Subscriber writes asking safest way
to carry whiskey in an automobile II
you have as much as two gallons and
wish TO 60 only a short distance. say
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
GROWING CLOSER.

The world, day by day, Is growing smaller
which means nothing more than tho people oil
the world getting nearer each other. When
the veteran organizations of all the allied coun-
tries met in Paris and perfected an international
body. they but admitted that the men who stood
shoulder to shoulder in the trenches have nc
wish to stand far apart in peace.
Their suggestion that all the allied countries
honor MAY SOth as the interallied memorial day.
an hour when the world psuses in It's living TO
pay tribute to~those who once lived. An Inter
allied Memorial Day" Is TO be expected az a
fruit of the interallied war. 1t gives promise OF
paving the way for a World Memorial Day.
why not? Why not soon?
You never get closer to a fellow human being
than when you stand by his side at the grave OF
one YOU both loved and honored.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
PROPHETS NOT PARROTS
BY DR.. James I. Vance

BY DIR. James 1. Vance
It was a mountain preacher In a
section where feuds we're still the
fashion. With his "breeches in his
boots" he had stepped behind the
pulpit of the little mountain church,
and without preliminaries an
nounced his text from of David's
psalms, but merely to make the
verse a point of departure, soon
said: David was a man after Gods
heart for two reasons; first. he al
ways went to church; secondly, he
hated his enemies"
The doctrine seemed to give COM
p1ete satisfaction to the congrega-
ton.
With such an idea Of religion, the
mountain feud followed as naturally
as a mountain brook runs out of a
spring.
The preacher had read his life
into his creed. He had made his
religion bend to his business. He
had adapted doctrine to practice.
He had made God a feud divinity.
We condemn him for writing hate
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

into Gods heart, and prepare to
send a missionary to tell him and
his people that David was a man
after Gods heart for other reasons.
In condemning him, we may be
giving a verdict against ourselves.
for this way of making religion bend
to business Is a common practice.
How many Of us build our prac-
tice into our creed, and color our
portrait of God with self-interest?
1t is easy to believe what suits us;
to interpret duty by social customs
and family traditions; to conclude
that what pays possesses virtue; to
bend religion to business and make
God an to our private plans.
But saying, or even believing that
God operates according to our sell
fish standards OF morality does not
make it so.
Religion, to be worth anything,
must decline to bend to business.
The preacher who says what he Is
expected to say would better stay
dumb. The sermon that offends
nobody belongs on the Stag dump.
What society needs is an oracle
not to say that its way is right, but
to thunder in it's face the fact that
it's way is dead wrong. and it must
get right or face judgment. Pro-
phets are not parrots. They r the
ambassadors of the Almighty.
What saith God?"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

In other words. wouldn't the bonds buy less
bread2
Or, the government could issue irredeemaois
currency with which 1t could take up the bonds
at par. as fast an they we're offered. It would
seem this would only initiate the currency
again.
Possibly there are other ways OF maintaining
the Liberty bonds at par. Very possibly the
reader has a plan or a remedy. IL So SEND II H.
There is none too mach financial wisdom IN the
world. Sometimes the aforesaid ordinary think
err is inclined TO doubt whether anyone reaiiy
understands money. its functions and efeets'
Mayhap some plain man may arise some day
and show us all that it is so simple we have been
unable to discern it.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
SERVE THE WHO CITY.

While Perth Amboy is clamoring for more
room in which to grow it would be well to see
that the city as it exists today gets all the ad-
vantages that 1t is entitled to. This does not
mean any particular section Of the city, but the
city as a whole.
Perth Amboy is recognized as one OF the.
cities served by the American Railway Express
Company. 1t does not mean that half the city
or any particular sections of the city shall be
served, but the service is due the city. That
pay more taxes than they do in the country and
small towns because the advantages are sup
posed to be greater. To have to pay the city
taxes and then not enjoy all the privileges that
a city has to offer is wrong.
There is no reason why the American Rail-
way Express Company should discriminate
against any particular section Of Perth Amboy.
A package coming here directed to an address
in this city ought to be delivered as long as it
is within the city limits. If the company re.
fuses TO do so-the matter ought to be taken up
with the Interstate Commission to
see that the service is rendered.
We know OF nothing that will retard the
progress of a city more than to have the cor
porations that are supposed to serve the public
decide that certain parts of the city will be
recognized and other parts ignored. 1t may
not be a paying proposition to go out to the city
line to deliver a small package or to collect one,
but when the corporation is in a semi-public
business it cannot expect to make money on
every piece Of express handled any more than
the street railway expects to make money on
every one of the passengers that it carries.
The people a the western section of the city
have done right In calling the attention Of the
Board OF Aldermen to the discrimination against
them. They are residents Of Perth Amboy
They pay their taxes and ought to receive as
much consideration as any other section of the
city. 1t is not for some outside corporation tc
decide what streets it will serve in this city
what ones will be ignored. The American Rail.
way Express is in Perth Amboy to serve Perth
Amboy and it is up to the city to see that it IL
served as it should be.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

fee OF President, should unite his
destinies In marriage with a politi-
cal slave and pariah, as a woman
was by the laws of the country.
Elizabeth Stanton was as ardent
an exponent of woman's equality
with man as was Susan B., but she
did not wait for the law to come
around before she would marry.
She did, however-back in 1910
insist on the word obey being left
out of the marriage ceremony.
She writes: Il obstinately refus-
ed to obey one with whom l sup
posed I was entering into an equal
relationship"
The word "obstinately" she uses,
not because her fiance opposed the
omission, but because the Scottish
minister who was to perform the
ceremony objected strenuously. He
fiLally gave in, but he avenged him
self by praying long and fervently
and preaching nearly IN hour on
the obligations of the dutiful wife
Lucretia Mott the third reformer
Of the triangle was a little Qua
keress, ~vivacious of manner, always
simply dressed. AS only the head
and shoulder of the in the
memorial are to be sculped out o.
the rock, the Quaker cap of Lucre'
tia Mott Is the only bit of signifi'
cant dress noticeable about hel
statue.
Mrs. Mott was noted in her day
for her lectures. especially her ia
nous discourse on women in which
she pleaded for a woman to be "ac
knowledged as a moral, responsible,
being She especially decried tn,
property laws, which gave all of
woman's possessions to her hus.
band from the day of her marriag,
to do with as he pleased.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
BONDS AT PAR.

A good many well-intentioned people seem
aggrieved because the government has not
maintained Liberty bonds at par. They seem
20 think that Uncle Sam has broken faith in
some way.
To the ordinary thinker, this attitude seems a
bit unreasonable. 1t seems to spring from that
style of reasoning which thinks that Government
is all powerful. All It need to do is to pass a
law or make a ruling and presto.-the thing is
done.
But are values maintained in that way? If
a pool wished to bull a stock, 1t must take all
the stock of that issue which is offered, must it
not?
Then one way to maintain Liberty bonds at
par would be for the Treasury to buy in at par
all bonds which were offered to it. Assuming
that the government has the money (Which 1t
hasn't), isn't it plain that the government would
below par? In other words, it would have to
redeem all the Liberty bonds at once, or as
many of them as would force the issues up to
par? II the government had the means to do
this, isn't it plain that 1t need not have issued
any bonds?
1t could, perhaps. make them legal tender for
all debts public and private and by thus making
them into money, they would be at par. Yes,
but would not this be an imitation of the currency
20 such an extent that the actual value of the
bonds expressed in commodities would be at
least rs low and probably Tower than before?
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
THE PAP

Middlesex county is to get s1,1oo worth of
pap" Monmouth will get $500 worth. Essex
gets jobs worth $3.50 while Hudson has to
struggle along with S4,25o-and 20 It goes. The
grand total of this legislative graft amounts to
something over SCI, 900 that is to be deliberate.
~ taken out OF the taxpayers pockets to satisfy
the creed OF the politicians. The grand
scramble is on for the jobs consisting of door
keepers. file clerks, assistant file clerks. SER
ceant-at.arns and assistant sergeant-st-arnhs.
stenographers, pages and every other kind of a
Job that there can be found an excuse for
creating. Thus do the Republicans begin their
administration Of economy and service in be-
half OF the taxpayers.
But, then, what of it? The people seem to
like 1t. Every party does it when 1t sets IN
power. The only instance known where there
was a real attempt to pare down this form of
graft was when Woodrow Wilson was governor
OF the state. No wonder he is unpopular with
the party workers. The people seem to look
upon these things as a matter Of course. In
fact. the more sinecures there are created the
farther they will go around and thus will it be
possible to satisfy the greatest number of peo-
pie.
LEGISLATORS who participate in this deliberate
steal from the state treasury will not suffer any
on that account. The people will vote for them
Just the same, so why not get all there Is to be
had while the getting is good? Saving the tax
payers money at the expense OF the
politician? That is a joke. To even suS-
gest such a thing when the faithful are to be
taken care of is only to make one ridiculous.
The grand orgy of divvyins up the spells Is
on. Here in Middlesex the three assemblymen
have the appointment of two doorkeepers that
pay $3.50 each for the session. and two pages
at 5000 each for the session. Get busy, every
body, and try to get some Of this graft il you
can. It is going to be given out anyway and
you might as we'll have it as anybody else. You
may have to go down to Trenton two or three
times while the legislature Is In session. at least
you will go down at the opening because then
il when all these officials draw their pay. after
that 1t doesn't make so much difference.
Truly. this making the laws for the dear
| people is a wonderful thing.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

Luke McLukeS Says
1t doesn't do a man much good to De on ms
mettle if he has too much brass In MS make
Many a man figures that he would be a whole
lot better Off il he had drawn a blank In the
Matrimonial Lottery. ,
attention 10 the number OF great men who be-
came famous at so.
Some have to run into debt. And others APP
pear to have a walk-over when they are headed
As a rule. a man has to be married for a year
or so before he begins TO think seriously ABOUT
What has become Of the o. {. girl who could
tell you what size thimble she wears?
she isn't a very pleasant animal 10 nave 70
listen TO. But 1t is well to remember that when
a gossip is g~ossiping with you, she isn't COS
siping about you.
When a man goes hunting for a wife the first
thing he bags Is his trousers at the knees.
Wouldn't it be great If IL was as easy to IN
crease your income as it is to live up to It? =.
small enough to wear her skirts above her knees
she doesn't need $40 silk stockings 70 hioe hef
legs.
portunity to secure a $2,50O automobile for $500
will get highly excited II her hears OF an op'
portunity to secure $3.50 worth OF whiskey tof
$500.
There was a time when we called a man q
Moss-Grown Hiek with a mind like a Snake
Fence when we heard him sheer and say ina
Ball Games were Fixed. But nowadays we
can't think Of a thing to say to him.
Try to tell some men about a remarkable
thing that happened 70 you and theyA always
We do not know much. But we do know tina
there would not be many divorces II the las
kiss tasted like the FIRST kiss. .
| her husband she feels that she should join q
| Society for the Suppression OF something o.
Other.
a beautiful nose. She'll make herself cross
eyed looking at it.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

O. Whv is snow white?--E. ID. II.
A. The whiteness of snow results
from the fact hat the snow crystals
are so minute that each cell or the
retina of the eye receives a general
impression produced by the combi-
nation of different wave lengths re-
flected from innumerable tiny facets.
@. Did the Thirty Tyrants rule
over all Greece, or over the City OF
Athens only?-A. NJ. r.
A. These men, appointed rulers or
the City of Athens by their Spartan
conquerors, at the close OF the PeIo-
ponnesian War, in 404, b. C., were
Athenians, but were among the rev
than a democracy.
Q. What is meant by tweedleoum
and tweedledee?"-T. w.
A. This is an old expression en-
ployed to denote the fact that there
is no appreciate difference between
two unimportant points. Much aao
about nothing" conveys much the
same idea.
@. What causes a ground swell?-
P. C.
A. A ground swell occurs fire.
quently along a oas where the
water is shallow for a long
| from the land. tits due to deep
water disturbances o a
winds. The swell or roller breaks
when il reaches the shallow water
and forms a series of breakers,
smoothing down again before reach
ing shore if the fiat is of great ex-
tent.
O.. What was the cal name of
| Bertha NJ. Clay?-I. NJ. S.
A. bertha NJ. Clay was the pseu-
donym of Charlotte Braeme.
@. What is kaolin Pc. A.
A. This is a soft clay of variable,
but usually low, Elasticity. burning
to a pure white color. and is of a
high refractoriness. The chief use
of kaolin is for the manufacture of
white ~earthenware and porcelain. 1t
is also used for wall tile. being mixed
with varying amounts of quartz,
feidspar and ball clay.
Q. How many different sounds has
the letter ABB. S.
A. "A" has approximately nine
sound values. as in lame. man, faith
er. water. wants ask, village data
(last AZ.
@. What is the technical term for
a suicide FL. w.
A. The legal term is "felo de Sc"
literally. traitor to himself" Black
well says. "A felo de Sc, therefore.
Is he that deliberately puts an end
to his own existence. OR commits any
unlawful act, the consequence of
which Is his own death"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
RIPPING RHYMES
BY Walt Mason.
BY Walt Mason.
BRACING UP.

Knocked out by Fate, the oruiser, ana oy
the votes of men. behold. the swatted loser
begins to smile again. Right after the cleo.
ton this gent was sad to see; the symbol OF
de lection and of the dumps was he. This
frost will always haunt me, it caught me un-
awares; the people did not want me, they
! kicked me down the stairs. I'll leave the
| Office seeking for thicker hided chaps; no
more you'll see me streaking, pursuing pub
lie snaps. l thought the people loved me,
| and loved them, by heck. But oh, the way
| they showed me, and climbed upon my neck.
| No more. with front undaunted, shall l for
once sprint: / see that I'm not wanted. and
I can take a hint" Thus spake the mournful
loser, and thus he sighed and walled. when
| in a leaking cruiser up Salt Creeks tide he
sailed. But time heals all diseases. all
| bruises and all sores. according to the
| wheezes of bards and other bores. Time
soothes the badly beaten and makes him soon
forget the dish OF crow he's eaten-on
times our one best bet! And now the los
er,s grinning. and he forgets to groan; next
! year he's sure of winning, the gods VIII
| guard their own. And SO Well see him Gid
ing on errands punk and vain, when he
should be providing against the day OF rain
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
@. Are a guinea and a sovereign

Q. Are a guinea and a sovereign
of the same value ?--F. J..
A. The value Of a guinea Is fixed
at 81 shillings while a sovereign Is
20 shillings. The guinea is no longer
coined. but 1t is still customary In
Great Britain to estimate profession
al fees. honoraria Of all kinds, COM
plimentary subscriptions, and pay
for art treasures, in guineas.
@. What was the Treaty of Client?
IT. T.
A. This was the treaty that con-
Guided the War of 1912, between
Great Britain and the United states.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS

Any reader can get the answer to
any question by writing The Perth
Amboy Evening News Information
Bureau. Frederic j. Haskin. Direc-
tor. Washington. D.. c. This offer
bureau cannot give advice on legal.
medical and financial troubles. II
does not attempt to settle domestic
troubles. nor to undertake exhaus-
tive research on any subject. Write
FOUR question plainly and briefly.
Give full name and address and en-
close two cents in stamps for return
postage. All replies are sent direct
to the inquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
SAYS 1T FIRST AND SAYS 1T LAST

Carrie G. HarreI. 313 MchoIson 81,
Norfolk. Va. writes: 'lll tell anybody
that Foley's Honey and Tar is all right.
1t did me all the good. Il said 1t first
and I'll say it last" Thousands of bottles
of this reliable remedy were bought last
week by careful mothers so as to be pre-
pared to oh eek coughs. colds and Group
at the beginning. 1t acts almost Instantly,
cuts phlegm. soothes raw. irritated mem.
branes. stops tickling in throat. Sold
Ey erywhtre.-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
BITS OF BYPLAY
By Lake McLuke.
coovrisht. 1920. by The Cincinnati Enquirer.


The THANKSGIVING turkey. when tender ana
ca, hsck tha consumer a dollar a toothful;
And when Christmas comes YOU will hear buy
"uor, much is your turkey per carat to-day?"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
MIA This Ever Happen To You?

For the first Thanksgiving IN nfty years Luxe
ysnt without turkey for dinner. We dug up a
wondsrful case OF acute g~astritis that knocked
,s out FOR a week, and we were compeiIed 70 en-
sov a repast consisting of a glass OF not milk.
Ryt Christmas 10 coming. oh, boy!"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
Then IL

"A ferry boat can't travel on land can 1t?
asked the Cheerful Idiot.
.of course notl' replied the Wise Guy.
'But It goes across lots, doesn't lit" asked the
Cheerful Idiot.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

King Rama has renowned his harem;
domestic budgets are being revised even as far
away as Siam.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09

"f, saws here that constant riding in auto
mobiles gives a man fiat feet said the Old
Fosy, asl he looked up from the newspaper ne
was reading.
do you believe that?"
Nav" replied the Crouch. But 1t gives some
noen Nat heads and others fiat pocketbooks."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
FAMOUS Overs.

--alls.
the top.
The once
Goat.
time.
It's all
shoes.
the rivsr.-Billie Wood
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
oh. Very Well!

NO advertising doesn't pay
1 head an angry fellow say;
ct doesn't pay, just bet your life,
1 advertised and got a vie
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-12-09
Adam aDd Y

ADAM ana EVE.
The world do move! Canon Barnes. OF West.
minister Abby, announces that the stun Is all
off. He holds that there was no such animal as
Adam and no such apple fend as Eve, ana that
there was no Fall OF Man. EVoiutIon o.sp'o we
teaching 1t. And to think how we used 70 nave
to sing: I'm Adams Fall We Sin-ned All Ana
to recall the days when we could visualize tue
Adam the merry haw-haw! The Canon must
be all wrong. No Adam and no Eve! why, IN
the old Family Bible back home ffty years ago
there was a picture of Adam and Eve ana tne
snake and the Angel with the Flaming SWORD.
II was A colored picture, and Adam wore atm
lettc underwear made of fig leaves, while Eve
had a knee-length skirt of the same material.
Adam had black hair, while Eve hao prIiiisntiy
red hair. Adam had a clean shave and Ewes
hair was worn over her shoulders ike q snawi.
We can remember that Eve was very shapely
and very pretty, but Adam wasn't such a mucn
for looks. Ewes cheeks were as rosy as the
fatal apple she held in her hand, but Adam
face was pale. He looked Kind OF scared. Ana
we can remember that Adam was a lot taller
than Eve and had big hands and feet, while Eve
had tiny hands and feet. Don't tell us there
wasn't no Adam and Eve. We know better! We
remember both of them well!
Luck.
A married mans In luck, bless rat.
When stolen sweets he sips,
His wife cant read the kisses That
He prints on a girls lips.
Luke McLuke.
Since lipsticks are in vogue. IT'S fiat
A wife can't read, gee whiz!
The ardent ruby kisses that
A. girl may print on his.
Newark Advocate.
Names Is Names.
You can find A. Wind In Wintersvliie, Ala.
Our Daily Special.
Mind Your Ps and Qs And You'll Be U. n.