The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1920-08-02
Mrs. Solomon Says
Being tho Confessions Of Tho
Seven-Hundreth Wife.
BY Helen Rowland
Copyright. 1920. by The Wheeler
Syndicate Inc)

syndicate. 1nc.)
My daughter, there is a place where
all the BORES of the world are gath-
cred together
Lo, it is the Summer Resort, the
kingdom Of ennui and bluff-the land
Of SKINNED milk and artificial honey!
Behold. there wilt thou find the
pests and poseurs, alike.
There wilt thou find the Profess
sional Optimist, in all his glory.
He goeth about wearing a madden
ing smile and Pollyanna expression.
He seeketh to scatter sweetness and
light in dim romantic corners, where
darkness and solitude are preferred.
He interrupteth the piazza repartee
with platitudes, and breaketh into
the filtration, with sermonettes on
cheer"
He saith: Its a beautiful world"
He is as welcome as a pet mos
quito.
There thou wilt find the Amateur
Humorist
10, he "ducketh" the timid ladies in
the water, and grabbeth the ankles
CT the fearful damsels beneath the
waves He putteth sand in the shoes
Of the unwary, and splattereth the
homemade complexion of the Hote:
Beauty.
Yea, he is so funny.
There wilt thou meet the self-ap-
pointed Society Sponsor.
She drageth the seeker of solitude
from his lair, and introduceth EVERY
BODY unto every body else. ShH
presenteth the damsel to her last
years discard and the Divorce unto
her ex-husband without mercy.
She is exceedingly KIND!
There thou wilt find the Woman
Tamer"-even the newer of hearts
and drawer of chances, who poseth
upon the piazza in stunning white
flannels, and bored expression. He
chattereth idly of his "yawt" and his
"motah-cah." He stitch afar, and
"sizeth up the damsels, and permit
teth the protest of these to LOVE
him.
He is SO irresistible.
There wilt thou encounter the HUI
man Newspaper.
She ariseth at dawn, and peepeth
around the corners. that she may miss
nothing. She spreadeth the scandals
free of charge. She keepeth tabs
upon the goings and comings and flirt-
ings of the damsels, and appraiseth
the matron's diamonds. The cOOings
Of the newlyweds, and the quarrels of
the long-married do not escape her.
She is So efficient.
There wilt thou meet the Willy
Summer Widow, who snitcheth the
MOST attractive man, and bearetn
him off in triumph.
And the dining room pest who mo-
nopolizes all the walters, and demand
eth the best table, near the ocean
window, and the best cut Of the
melon.
And the Angel Child" who illeth
the air with howlings, and covereth
the piazza chairs with sickness; and
the pet arm-hound, that barketh and
yippeth throughout the night, and get
teth under the feet by day; and the
quartet of Cay Bachelors" who tor
ment the ears with motor horns and
the nostrils with gasoline, and fill the
night with laughter and song and
poker-parues!
Verify, verify the Summer Resort
is a place where a man will resort TO
cnything for amusement, a damsel will /
resort to anything for attention. and
a sane human being would cheerfuuy |
resort to murder!
Where a woman spendeth half the
DAYS making herself alluring- and
the other half searching for something
to lure"
Where the moon shineth upon the
bocch. inviting lovers to bask in Its
radiance, and there is no one to LOVE. |
Where the ozone induceth sleep, !
and the jewellers drive it away!
Where there is no peace. no rest
and NO escape from BOREDOM!
Yet, each year, do we forget the tor
,nents and horrors of the year before, !
and grid up our loins and our ward
robe trunks for another season or
recreation!
y