davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
Didn't Take Hint

T was billed to speak at the Strand theatre Sunday afternoon," said Dr Frank H. Harrington, superintendent of missions in the Birmingham Bap- tist Association, land I had looked forward with pleasure to addressing a crowd of men. but of course gladly gave way for Lieutenant Maynard, a brother Baptist preacher from North Carolina. In introducing him he, how ever, failed to take a hint. for stated that I was coming down that he might go up.' l was in hopes that he would reply that on Monday he would re- turn the compliment by coming down to take me up. He ought to be a good pilot, as the name Maynard comes from the Norman French and means a steady hand. It was the kind of hand that heroic old John Maynard had on Lake Erie. for when his boat was afire and the captain asked Can you hold her head to the bank for five minues?' replied. Aye. aye. sir He did. but in so doing lost his life in saw ing others"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19

Dry New York Is having such hard time finding some way of amusing It. self that it fairly storms Madison Square Garden to see wrestling match.
 Mrs. Charlie Chaplin finds Charlie unbearable. old Bill Hart seems to be about the only movie idol left who hasn't developed clay feet
 # x *
 German war lords who almost con- quered the world were knocked out in the first round of their battle with the German proletariat.
 x Hs %
 We'll have to acknowledge that the French knew what they were talking about when they said the Hun would bear watching.
 Alabama drys who are desperately trying to find some way to defeat os- car Underwood are not only dry, but feverish. If the dove of peace could disguise herself as another kind of bird. she might be permitted to light somewhere. # * x | If that war cloud in South America gets any larger, Uncle Sam will have to give it his undivided attention. I. * # To the confirmed pessimist buds on the trees merely mean that fly swat ting time is at hand again. | * < x The American dollarl which Is hon. ored abroad, is berated at home for It's limited purchasing power | < # <
 The allies failed to reach Berlin. but they are just now conspicuously pres ent In Constantinople Road maps for automobile tourists should indicate the location of the larger stills" l * x | Candidate or no candidate. General Pershing has the courage to stick to his uniform. l # % $
 The triumphant return of the Hohen- zollerns to Berlin has been indefinitely | postponed.
 # x +
 Dr. Wolfgang Kapp is probably in a mood to mutter few Prussian blue paths.
 # # # The high cost of living has made an arfstocrat out of the pork chop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
CaIumny will scar virtue itself.
Birmingham Printers
 Worthy of Patronage

FS7T0 HE printers of Birmingham are
 N united in urging that the city's printing be done at home. At re- cent "get- together" meeting attended by representative printers and pub fishers this subject was one of the principal topics discussed, and it was pointed out that the "trade in Bir- mingham" movement might well ap- ply to printing.
 As everyone familiar with local conditions is aware of, Birmingham is as well equipped for all kinds of printing and publishing as any city of it's size in the country, with possibly a few exceptions where printing is the chief industry. We have here the most up-to-date plants, capable of handling large orders.
 If, as the printers declare, Bir- ,mingham firms are discriminating against local publishing houses and job offices by signing contracts with out-of-town printers, they are lacking in the true spirit of cooperation. It is said that local prices are no higher than those of other cities, and all things being equal, Birmingham printing establishments are entitled to do the work required by Birming- ham people.
 The printers apparently have jus tice and reason on their side of the argument. Surely, when the matter is brought squarely to their attention and it is shown that printing can be done as cheaply and as well in Bir- mingham as anywhere else in the country, Birmingham business men will gladly patronize local plants, not occasionally, but all the time.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
LUKE McLUKE SAYS

Wonder if there is anything in the Vol stead law that prohibits you from dig ging dandelions this spring?
 Every successful man knows the things he does not do are just as important as the things he does do.
 Even when she can see it with her own eyes you can't get woman to believe anything she doesn't want to believe
 Why is it that wife can't read an ac- count of a married man Jumping the Fence and getting himself in bad without glar- ing at her husband and making some crack about the Men being All Alike?
 Men have sense enough to admire sen sible girls But they haven't sense enough to keep from falling in love with the other kind.
 simply can't afford to get your wife and you'll have a list of the things that she simply has to have.
 There isn't any Knockers Union. You can't get knocker to quit after he has knocked only eight hours.
 We do not know much. But we know that if the letter contains a check, the recipient isn't going 10 criticize the sta tionery.
 The Fool Killer ought to wake up ant stay on the job. An Ohio man wants 2 divorce because his wife won't talk tt him.
 After a modern girl gets five years o music, painting and dancing. lessons and five days of cooking lessons, she is sup posed to be fully equipped for Matri mony.
 The O. f man who left Footprints or the Sands of Time now has son who i, trying to cover up his tracks.
 Our idea of Putting On Dog is to hea, a woman refer to her Greasy Wrapper as her Neglisee.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19

ported wine, and for their benefit pam. phlets were on sale which furnished mi. mute directions for making just as good' substitute at home
 The authorities did not object to such activity on the part of any citizen. Ind leader of the reform party of the time the man unanimmously nominated as it candidate, included in one of his books personally recommended recipe ThJ book enjoyed a wide circulation.
 The Romans were discriminating ir their drinking. A complete wine list com prehended 195 distinct brands, and almost double that number if all the varieties of each brand were included The connoisI seur naturally preferred the imported varieties, foreign and domestic were all accurately known and fbully appreciated
 Drinking was a serious function. It wal quite the thing not only at large func! tions but also at small and select dins ners to appoint a chairman who laid down the rules to be observed during thl evenings entertainment: the amount ol wine to be consumed in proportion td water. the way in which healths were td be drunk, the size of the goblets and 9p' penalty for any infraction of these rel lations. Bar rooms -"tavernae as they werd called-were the gathering place for thd convivial spirits of the less aristocratid
 circles. Many were small ill-yentilated
 and badly lighted. but they all did q thriving business. And in all from tha large and ornate wine shop to the dark stuffy hole in the wall the brand., they offered for sale were conspicuously laI
 belled so that the fastidious customa] colud select his favorite.
 The public would have deeply resented | any attempt to boost the prise of wha they considered one of the necessities o
 life. Once when the price of wine wal too high, they even appealed to the chic
 executive in person to take action td
 remedy an unbearable situation. At thu time, however, the administration had l just completed at considerable expense the construction of a new aqueduct. and | Augustus, to whom the petition was ad
 dressed, rather unsympathetically pointed out that there was an excellent supply of water in the city
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
Grand Old Game

With the approach of spring and the nearing of the baseball season my blood has begun tinglnig," said F. R. Smith. Tn my opinion the grand old game is the best sport in the United States today, and I am sure I am not by myself when say the opening of the season will be welcomed joyfully by all baseball fans. I enjoy all kinds of sports, for I am a real enthusiast in all of them, but I do believe baseball is my favorite.
 T never miss an opportunity to see a football or baseball game. There Is no getting away from the fact that the old baseball game will hold its prestige for long time, and hope to see the Barons take their place in the foremost ranks the coming season and give the Birmingham fans an oppor- unity to see some real baseball"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
Constantinople Quieted
 By Allied Occupation

7N HE occupation of Constantinople
 O by allied troops has all the earmarks of political coup, with Great Britain to be the chief bene- ficiary. Conditions in the Turkish empire have been chaotic ever since the war ended in Europe. Perhaps occupation was the only solution of a vexatious problem, for it was evident that the Turk was paying scant re- gard to the terms of the peace treaty, but the motive behind this latest move in the European drama was not entirely humane.
 The Sultan's government will, of course, be strengthened by the pres ence of allied troops in the capital and a mighty fleet in the Bosphorous. Order will be strictly maintained and trouble makers will find themselves under arrest. Several of the ring leaders have already been placed where they can do no harm. Occupa- tion is to be provisional, based on the Turks good behavior, but if he con tinues recalcitrant, there is a threat that he will be deprived of Constanti- nople.
 If the Sultan is incapable of carry ing out the terms of the peace treaty, the allies will give him the support he needs in opposing the resourceful Mustapha Kennel, defender of the Dardanelles and a leader of the pro- German nationalist party, who had become virtually dictator.
 But after the primary purposes of the occupation have been served, what then? Will the Briton remain in Constantinople, as he did in Cairo ? The Turkish capital has long been ~ovefed h~ +ha r~eat mowers of Eu-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
"WETNESS" OF ANCIENT ROME

Georgia w. Leffngwell, A. NJ. Ph. D., in
 the New York Evening Sun.
 TITLE ancient Roman had troubles of
 his own; but prohibition wasn't
 one of them Take for example the year 6S B. C.,-when the republic of Rome celebrated the victorious close of it's war with Asia Did they celebrate it with ice cream soda and drink their toasts in
 ginger ale? They did not! In the words
 large day.
 A general description of the parade of General Lucullus along the Via Capitolina
 would sound like clipping from any
 New York newspaper on the day Gen. John J. Pershing rode down Fifth ave-
 rue leading the First division. A national holiday was declared, and the city decked itself in gala attire to welcome it's re- turning heroes. Banners waved and gar lands adorned the public buildings and statues. Temporary scaffoldings and grandstands groaned under crowds of spectators.
 Everybody in the city turned out to sec the pdIaue. SOOH alleE sunrise the early risers began to pour toward the stand from which the general was to make his speech. Throngs jostled each other along the line of march as the pro- | cession passed. The senators. the city magistrates, the musicians, finally the | hero of the day-the general! Then after l the parade, while the general dined in state with the government officials, huge banquet in one of the public buildings for the soldiers and as many of their friends as could find room.
 The wine supply at Roman banquet was usually generous. In celebrating a military triumph 1t flowed in quantities to
 make many a thirsty New Yorker yearn to me "among those present." Lucullus, especially, was no piker when it came to planning liquid refreshments. Records state that the amount of wine given to the people on that occasion was over l 1O0O,0 ,0O0 gallons.
 Beer or whisky is not mentioned in I Roman literature. As early as the second century B. C., however. practically every | house had it's wine cellar, where the care- | fully labeled vintages were racked off and stored. There were some, of course, who could not afford to buy the genuine i'm
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
AMERICAN CHANGES IN POLANI

I,ucian Swift Kirtland, in Leslies.
 N1oNcERNING the presumable trend l( of normal export and import busi- W ness with America. at the very start it must be said that we have little need of Polands exports. Such items as dried n,,shrooms may run into thousands but not millions of dollars. We neither need the raw materials nor finished products of Poland. But Poland must have cotton and machinery, etc. QbuaouslvsHhere can be no fifty-ffty tradesbalanca
 But be it said reisn6rahatboday holds out far more imaginative and daring op- portunities for immensity of business than anything we dreamed of five years ago. Whether we shall seize them is a different matter. These bigger ideas can be put fairly concreteiy.
 I have been seriously asked several times by Polish business men and men in the government if thought American b, siness would consider taking over the entire financing and management of some one of the big national industries. such as either the railroads or the mines
 The idea back of this proposal is not alone the opportunist desire to secure capital and most needful reorganization but to secure the fundamental asset or the example, the contagion. and the ex- perience of contact with American meth ods and efficiency.
 If American business and capital and energy should come to Poland today and seek to conform to existing ways of do- ing things, the mcrass of time inefh- ciency would swallow the invasion and scarcely leave bubble on the surface. One idea after another will have to be forced through relentlessly. If the Polish banks will not do business according to our legitimate needs, then we will have to bring over our own banks and bank clerks, and so on. Today the Polish banks possess a maximum of politeness ana manners. Every customer must shake hands all around with every clerk, and II a lady be involved her hand must De kissed. To transact the simplest busi- ness you stand in line for an hour while the compliments of the day are ex- changed. But if you have anything more than the simplest transaction. you ind little of the machinery to which we are accustomed. You cannot even. if you are the treasurer of . business house
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19

rope. Hapless Russia, even in her present plight, still dreams of some day possessing Constantinople.
 It is significant that the British troops considerably outnumbered the French and Italians and took control of the city with their usual efficiency in matters of this kind. Such work is an old story to the British army.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
3psIk1ttMlAaastfI
NEEDS A BATH

From the Montgomery Advertiser.
 A Chicago washing machine demonstra- tor found out something he didn't know the other day. He learned that it is asallsss tsse law to wash paper money Money couldn't stay as dirty as 1t is il \ ~nsn'1 anlawful to wash it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
Only a Few Cities
 Show Large Growth

THE census bureau is making sat
 9 isfactory progress in compiling population returns. Thus far only two or three cities whose census re- ports have been published have made large gains since 1910. Milwaukee and Knoxville have shown the larg est percentage increase.
 New York and Chicago are yet to be heard from. Their growth has doubtless been phenomenal, but 1n- dications point to only moderate growth in the general average. This means that everybody is not rushing from the farms to the cities. Better have less urban growth and more rural growth than was the case in 1910.
 Birmingham has been claiming a population of two hundred thousand or more, but the impression now pre- vails that it will not appear in the census with more than one hundred and eighty thousand. While it is true that our greatest increase has been in the suburbs, there are strong evidences that the population inside of the city limits is fully up to the two hundred thousand mark. The census supervisors in many districts were greatly handicapped in the matter of securing efficient cnu- merators. It was so in this district,
 Yet, growth of forty-eight or fifty thousand will not make a bad show
 ing for a city less than fifty years
 old.
 When the bureau publishes the
 "ten-mile limit" population of all
 cities of one hundred thousand and Upwards, the Greater Birmingham
 will outstrip all the "Greaters" ir
 the south except, of course, New Or leans.
 Our ten-mile limit population ir 1910 was two hundred and twelve
 thousand, compared with Atlanta $
 two hundred and eight thousand. | Noske is reported to have returned to Berlin in an airplane. When Won Kapr threw a monkey wrench into the ma l chinery of the German government
 Noske and Ebert both went up in the
 air.
 l The enforcement of prohibition ii sometimes a heartless procedure. Foi instance, an Ohio man was fined s2oC l. and costs simply for making liquor with | which to massage his wifes feet.'' 1 * F % l When it costs 50 cents to eat turnir
 greens and cornbread and drink glass
 of buttermilk in a quick slunch em- porium, It's time for the common people
 to demand their rights. | * E *
 Time to prepare the democratic
 hearse." remarks the Philadelphia In quirer. which would have us believe the
 occupant will be certain eminent Ne braskan.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
ADRIFgT WITH THE TIMES

SPRING. Now come the days When fancy strays
 To sweetly rural scenes And bathing girls With curves and curls
 Adorn the magazines. Now come the times When Hitting rhymes
 Spring from the poets pen, Gay triolets For which he gets
 Three dollars-now and then.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
sNOwED UNDER

From the North Castle Sun.
 Charles Kaiser, the Vallevue Farm egg magnate, came out of his ''burrow'' on Monday last after being ''marooned" for more than two weeks due to the heavy snowfall and with the aid of an experi- enced farmer with sleigh and dependable horse negotiated safe passage to White Plains. where he disposed of several hum dred eggs to advantage.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19

deposit the cheques of the day to b. credited to your account. You must sene the cheques around to be collected, ant must then deposit the bona nde cash. No alone is hustle needed-there must be . reorganization of methods.
 But the latent opportunity is here. Th. rev state is rich in the natural resources which are the foundation of wealth Ths present period of marking time' is g season in which. based on dollar ex. change, preliminary investments in prop. erty at strategic centers. such as factory sites and business blocks. can be made ir a great many instances for veritabl. song.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
THE ExECuTIoNER
rom the Chicago News.

From the Chicago News.
 Looking over the formidable array of 20. 900 900 woman voters, William J. Bryan may be forgiven confident smile as he whets his snickersnee and softly feels the exposed neck of the Edwards presi- dential boom.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
HARD TO KILL MEXICAN

From the Los Angeles Times
 A Mexican in Arizona drank nearly a quart of wood alcohol and worked ten hours on the railroad the next day, Why not serve wood alcohol to the Fedora ton of Labor in the interest of a stimu- lated production2
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
OR POSSIBLY 2,ooo, GOO

From the St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Had Merrie England passed a bone dry law about the time that it mads
 things warm for the Pilgrims. Plymouth and Jamestown would have been settled by l.67S,42s BritonR
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
GRoucHY.

T wish could remember half the funny things you said to me during our courtship days" remarked Mrs. Dub waite over her knitting.
 ''so do l." growled Mir Dubwaite. "rd put them in a book and set myself up as boss humorist."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
City seal


 T noticedP the other day where the city commissioners were taking steps to get a new seal for the city of Bir- mingham," says Judge John Purifoy, "and the wonder to me Is the matter wasn't taken up long ago. If Birmingham was as old as some of the senior Atlantic coast cities, it could be understood that the city seal was being retained for it's historic value but from what I can gather. the seal now in use isn't much over a score of years old.
 Birmingham is just in the making now; with it's magnificent potentiali- ties it hasn't shot from taw yet Splen- did as 1t Is, 1t is just a newborn baby among the cities of the world. '-The city seal is the signature of the municipality to the outside world. As it Is 1t is just like a great military leader or dean of an important uni yersity signing his name with an 'X' "Dr. Barrett and his colleagues are wise in offering a prize to the citizens to secure a seal that Is representative and which the merchants will be glad to affix to their letterheads. for they certainly are not using the old one. and much valuable publicity is lost annu- ally"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
"In what respect?"
HARDLY THE woRD

Now. 'virtuosity is a good word and in excellent repute." said the head copy reader to the cub reporter, but you must be careful how you use it.'
 "Yes, sir"
 While it may properly be applied to a fiddler. I would not. as you have done in this write-up of vaudeville show, speak of a trapeze performers virtues ;t,.,,,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Poor Service

Poor Service
 Tn this day and time one so seldom sees performed the little services that count so much in daily life" bemoaned John Hunter. chief clerk in the build ing inspectors department of the city
 Time was when it was customary for guests in hotel to get interested attention from the servants. the bell hop knew where he could get loose button sewed on in a moment; now such a service eFtails extra expense as extra work. The gardener that cuts your lawn grass is just as apt to leave the refuse. having simply taken on the job to cut the grass.
 Those are lame instances of what I'm trying to get at," MT. Hunter con- tinued, "but I guess the majority of folks know what mean. There is no objection to paying for work done, but most of it is done in such a slipshod way. with no idea of doing the thing well. but just to do it and get the money.
 "So many of the things we buy seemed to have been made in the same spirit. just made to attract and draw money, and you and the service you get from your purchase can be damned.
 "Its not so much the high cost of living that is objectionable, but the low values you get from the things you have to spend money for
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
UNION LABOR AFTER UNDERWOOD

From the Selma Times-Journal
 Union labor has illuminated it's anathe-l mas against Senator Underwood and wit probably succeed in mobilizing somethins like 20.0o0 votes against him in tho May primaries. This is union labor's undoubtl ed privilege. It is the approved method of voicing disapproval of the acts of high officials
 How beautifully the ballot contractd with brute force and coercion. sabotaxe and incendiarism as a means of adjustinsl industrial and political differences How ever. union labor will not encompass thd defes> of Senator Underwood. His rel ele n can be foretold with practical cs nts lie will run 5000 votes ahead of apofs nsw-sound champion ane| pro et Hon Breck Musgrove osl Walk#e.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-03-19
PASSING STRANGE.

T recently met citizen of Los An geles who is an extraordinary charac- ter''
 "In what respect?"
 "He is neither in the hotel nor lodging house business and has no connection with the film industry