Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-08-25
There's No Base Like Home
BY H. C. WITWER

Well, Joe, you know they Ia nobody
on the earth can make the FOOL outa me
ana s get away with II. as a gross OF peo..
PIE mas found out, so after thinkin
blood, i come to the conclusions that
had made a three-base error when 4
turned over. my. future happiness to
Teanne; =, hn,s Although my heart was broke
OF the way she had turned on the hand
to show her onee and for ali was not
the one to be trifled with, so with that
get divorce and be done with Il
On the way out, Joe, I left q little
sadly note on the table in the Iparlor
nght sanna IN front Of the pier glass, because
long, lingerin' look at herself when goin'
out or the contrary and knowed she
would see 1t. :, This here's what wrote
snd o,dr!t leave we, Il to your igdsement II Il
Dear Mrs Harmon:
Since fndin' you around this house
has became the same as tracln' n needle
IN nn,,t me ,, naystask' l have decided that
corps. Therefore and to wit, I am this
day goin to n lawyer and get my uncon-
ditional release from the bounds of we'd
lock, or In the other words. divorce
AS soon as l get the same. will advise
you. You have broke my heart and
ruined me end 1t seems them society
pals Of yours Is more important than
your legally husband which has wore his
head to the bone tryin' to think out new
and novel ways to please you. l gave
up baseball on your account and you
would never Of been a movie star was
i not for bein' my wife as you VIII see
bigger letters than yours. am sick
and tired of bein' turned into parlor
pet and a Jazz hound. They will be no
more Of them parties gave II, my house
tyNy utff IN hN
knights from Columbus or to Able Low
enstein, which Is secretary of the down.
town Young Mems Christian Association
a, and mo no doubt nIst, they can ] use Il for some
readin' this. ] will be gettin' a divorce
and IL you will call me at Greeley 54763
! will be glad to get one for you whilst
I am Il.
Your comm ex-husband,
ED. HARMON Il was good enough
when you met me In France. heyO
PSI have throwed my English gram
| mar into the ash can and hereafter I
will talk like I please!
Well. Joe, after havin' dashed that
Jeanne's beautifully eyes. I copied of
the names of a dozen choice lawyers
from the phone book and went outside
where the car Is standin' with the chauf-
paper. like he was the proprietor Of the
me. like he had never seen me before
In his life and what Of II.
Drive me into New York;" I says.
January 10 in Alaska, but my orders
Is to wait here til 6 o'clock
Joe, with that he let forth what is
knowed as a yawn and turnin' over. a
page of the paper. he goes on readin'
society tidbits and the etc. For all the
attention he showered on me, l could of
been in let us say Russia, for the ex'
cops delight forty berries the week. Joe
| and he is better dressed than am and
| pullin' the airs of q freshly made second
lieutenant on me. Joe, since I am learn
in to be gentleman know Just tn, the
unruly servant, so I leaped on the
runnin' board and yelled into his ear
You dizzy simp. you'll be sorrier than
formerly bartender In a minute II you
from here! I'm the baby that pulls you
| off every week and I'm likewise gov.
| ernor general Of this house and all the
inmates. wa't S.v,! Who give you them orders to
Joe, ne never even flicked the eyebrow
| "The boss" he says. Mrs. Harmon
sir"
Can you imagine that Joe? Tho boss
or the like around my magnificent coun.
try's estate whereas on the other hand
l am really the lord and master. Well
1 had to step away from the car before
! my feelin's got the best OF me, because
| I was afraid would slam this bird II
| the nose Just to set the example to tht
| other menials which had gone over. Il
the enemy but In the nick Of time I re.
membered that a gentleman never clout:
no servant in public. but instead lets Il
go with givin' the low fellow a sound
| and dignified reprimand.
So ! called this guy a few names
| which he will never have printed on his
visitin' card and then I paced over &c
the house again, determined to get q
audience with Jeanne and have the thinR
over face to face, once and for all.
The first one run into Is our mu-
| tual maid, Marie.
Here =! I says. go and tell Mrs
Harmon that wouldst speak with her
| at once!"
I'll say that this here Marie curls a