South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-07-04

"Mr. Weatherby! You're grow
ing middle-aged!'
The Widow looked on with uncon-
cealed amusement, while the Bach
elor struggled TO the top of the
green knoll and set down the heavy
luncheon hamper with a sign of re-
lief.
Now. what have done?" he
painted, wipins his brow ana stop
ing 10 spread out the steamer rug.
You actually puffed when YOU
climbed that HILL" said the Widow.
accusingly. as she fluttered down
onto a corner of the rug and start
ed to unpack the hamper, and you
are getting fussy about your meals.
NOu asked me three times if the chef
had fried the chicken or roastd il.
And you are beginning to wear vivid
neckties-blue, or violet, or orange.
And the other day, after that lunch
con on the beach, 1 distinctly saw
you take forty winks!"
Il did mott! protested the Bach
elor. Il was merely-er-rcStin
my eyes. And besides, struggling
UP hill is not a sign that I'm get
ting middle-aged; it's a sign that I'm
getting fa-er, plump"
Its the same thing" declared the
Widow. lifting a fascinating brown
capon from the hamper You
wouldn't permit yourself to get ia
TO get that way, if you hadn't al
ready begun TO sag down mentally
and spiritually and sentimentallv.
When man begins to get u double
chin. it's a sign that he's already
getting single-idead. When he goes
To sleep after meals, it's an indica-
ton that all his enthusiasm and
thrills and emotions have already
gone into a perpetual coma Why,
come to think of il. l haven't seen
you trying to flirt with a new girl
for a whole fortnight"
Don't think of it, pleaded the
Bachelor, lighting a cigaret and gaz-
ing with happy anticipation at the
vision Of Carnal delight which the
Widow was spreading out on the
dazzling luncheon cloth. It's too
warm TO think. It's too warm 70
fllrt. It's too warm Cor emotionsi"
IT'S crimei" sighed the Widow.
half 10 herself
IF flirting is a crime" scofed the
Bachelor. cheerfully. as he poured
wicked-looking but perfectly in
nOcuOus beverage from the thermOs
bottle, then you should have suf-
fered capital punishment several
times"
Not flirting" corrected the
Widow; getting middle-agedl
may have TO get old, some dav-
but ! snail never get middle-agedi
old people seem right and natural
and lovable and mellow: and gray
hair is beautiful. But grizzled, mid
dle-aged people are such a bore
the most uninteresting people in the
world"
Il only weigh a hundred and
sixty" protested the Bachelor. help
ing himself to a double portion of
the capon, and I'm six feet one"
1T isn't what you weigh-physi-
cally," the Widow insisted, toying
tentatively with a silver OF white
meat. It's getting heavy. and
Stodgy, and lazy mentally, that.
makes one middle-aged. It's getting
set In your opinions and settled in
your ways and habits. and hard
boiled in your prejudices. I NAV
lose my teeth, but 1 shall never lose
my enthusiasm. l may get decrepit
but l shall never get intolerant or
dogmatic or crOtchety-I hopct I
may lose my interest in nv meals
but I shall never lose my interest
in men"
I'm men?" ieered the Bachelor.
Il should say mott"
In mental diversions" corrected
the Widow, with dignity. 7 may
cease TO inspire admiration. blit r
shall never cease 10 yearn for in
] may give up dancing-but I shall
never give up dreaming-and devel-
oping and growing, and exercising
my mind. I'll keep timber mentally
no matter how stiff my muscles may
become; and sweet and pliable spirit
ually, no matter how hard my ar
teries may become. And I'll never.
never overeat," she added. as She
observed the Bachelor helping him
self 10 a third cream-pufr.
4 hope not" he answered ap-
provinGly. There's nothing so
funny rs a fat woman"
Nothing" agreed the Widow
heartily. except Tat man. Men
are awfully witty and scornful con-