The Washington herald., 1920-10-26
sI1yHAT was this --aftr' asked

"WHAT was this Aft asked
OF the great public to whom
tales are told.
''Tis contrary to art and phileso-
ply to give you the information"
said keogh, calmly. The art OF
narrative consists in concealing
from your audience everything il
wants to know until after you ex-
pose your favorite opinions on top
les foreign to the subject. \ good
story is like a bitter pill with the
sugar coating inside of II. l will
begin, II you please. with a horo-
scope located in the Cherokee Ma
tion: and end with a moral tune on
the phonograph.
Me and Henry Horsecollar
brought the first phonograph to
this country. Henry was a quar-
.ter-breed. quarter r-back Cherokee.
educated East in the idioms of foot
ball, and West in contraband whis-
ky. and a gentleman. the same as
you and me. He was easy and
romping in his ways; a man about
six foot. with a kind OF rubber-tire
movement Yes, he was little
man about FIVE foot Ave. or fve foot
eleven. He was. what you would
call a medium tall man of average
smallness. Henry had quit college
once. and the Muscogee Jail three
times-the last-named institution
on account of introducing and SELL
ing whisky in the territories. Henry
Horsecollar never let any cigar
stores come up behind him. He
didn't belong to that tribe Of In
dians.
Henry and me met at Texarkana
and figured out this phonograph
scheme. He had $3.50 which came
TO him out of a land allotment in
the reservation. / had run down
from Little Rock on account of a
distressful scene I had witnessed on
the street there. A man stood on
box and passed around some gold
watches. screw case, em-winders,
very elegant. Twenty bucks they
cost you over the counter. At
three dollars the crowd fought for
the tickers. The man happened to
find a valise full Of them handy.
and he passed them out like put
ting hot biscuits on a plate. The
backs were hard to unscrew, but
the crowd put its ear to the case,
and they ticked modifying and
agreeable. Three Of these watches
were genuine tickers; the rest were
only kickers. Hey? Why, empty
cases with one of them horny black
bugs that fly around electric lights
in en-. Them bugs kick off min
utes and seconds industrious and
beautiful. So, this man was
speaking of cleaned up s2SS: and
then he went away because he knew
that when 1t came time to wind
watches in Little Rock an entomol-
ogist would be needed, and he
wasn't one.
80, as I say, Henry had $3.50,
and had sass. The idea of intro
ducing the phonograph to South
America was Henry's; but took to
IL freely, heing fond ~ machinery
OF all kinds.
THE Latin races says Henry,
explaining easy in the idioms he
learned at college. are peculiarly
adapted to be victims of the phono-
graph. They have the artistic tenn
permanent. They yearn for music
and color and gaiety. They give
wampum to the hand organ man and
the four-leeged chicken in the tent
when they're months behind with
the grocery and the bread-fruit
tree
Then says I, we'll export can
ned music to the Latins; but I'm
mindful of Mr.. Julius Caesars ac-
count of 'em where he says: "Omnia
Gallia In tres parties divisa est"
which is the tame as to say, I'VE
will need all OF our gall in devils
ing means to tree them parties
Il hated to make a show of edu-
cation: but / was disinclined to be
overdone in syntax by a mere In
dian, a member of race to which
we owe nothing except the land on
which the United States is situated.
I'VE bought a fine phonograph in
Texarkana-one of the best make
and half trunkful Of records. We
packed up, and took the Texas and
Pacific for New Orleans. From that
celebrated center of molasses and
disfranchised coon songs we took a
steamer for South America.
I'VE landed at Solitas, forty
miles up the coast from here. Twas
palatable enough place to look at.
The houses were clean and white;
and to look at 'em stuck around
the scenery they reminded you of
hard-boiled eggs served with let
tuce. There was a block of sky
scraper mountains in the suburbs;
and they kept pretty quiet, like
they had crept up there and were
wafnnipU fba fowo Ana