Douglas Island news., 1920-03-19
HOW THE OLD
 HOME PAPER HELPS
Takes Care of You From Birth Through An the Various Trials
 and Tnbulahons

From out Of Che nowhere. infoubl Hfs.s storms and trials on to Che peariy Gates. Che old Home Paper shovcs you along. lt may not get YOU through Ono gates aforesaid. but .f saint Peter reads Che paper and nis for ia contents. you get a chance.
 Whom Dr. stork deposits your slX bounds Of red and shrlyeied cussed- uca squoung In the home of your unfortunate parents tho homo paper assumes its helpful faithful charge Of your destiny by adding four pounds of weight and making you a "dne compound boy
 Whom with freckles on your nose and hands Che size of hams you have scratched through high school by Che skin of your teeth and careless ncss Of your teachers. by Che magic of ts mcudaclty Che home paper makes you "a talented young man with brilliant future That sloppy essay that brother Bm helped you write and which you inflicted upon a patient and long suffering audience becomes "a work denotIug deep thought and great ability
 When you reach young manhood and wander from Che old home town and through che Influence of your uncle George get job Of driving Che bus for Che Insect Inn at Bing yme. Che home paper comes forward and puts you "iu lucrative posi- uon ot trust"
 Whom you persuade some m's- guided female to share your mIacr- able torture. it is Che home paper that reconcIcs hor Co her lot until your carelcssncss lets her get @ cor rect line on you by making of you "acrlIug young business man. handsome and brave
 When you begin Go mflict your progeny upon Che earth it begins again Its charitable fiction.
 When middle age has hlnned your hair and put your waIstline In Che lead Che home paper brushes Che dandruG on your coat obscures Che tobacco juice on your shirt front and makes Of you a "substanual citizen and one of Che pillars Of Che church.
 When Che poison of politics gets Into your system and you try Co break into tbe legislature you are again made over by thIs same agency into "lroud of Che people whose tatesman-liko qualities commend him to Che thoughful consideration of thc voters"
 And finally when your worthless old carcass Is ready Go return from whence 10 came. and satan stands smiling Co receive your singed soul Che home paper throws Its last blum and tries Co sneak you past Che watehmau up above with Che choicest collection Of fairy tales Co which your career has given rise On of ch5uce chat you might run across am unscorchcd copy it even tries to 9alato Che miserIes of Che here- after by having your relieved and rejoicing widow "prostratcd with grief"
 Dear old home paper, Cheerful liar thot you are, How commonplace most Of us would bo if it wore not for che great bls charitable heart chat guides you
 While Che foregoing lines were written mainly for humorous pur- poses. they certainly nevertheless ore "more truth than poetry
 GA prophet Is not without honor except m his own country" Is a truth that can be apuy applied Co newspapers
 when we want Go notify Che pub- lie of something we have for aale; something found or lost called meeting. a legal notice or something else. Che old home paper becomes necessary -o very handy happy medium indeed We couldn't pos- sibly get along without It But we. are prone to be like Che ituo girl who had a canary bird. She enjoy cd its song. but forgot that it re- ou.rod food Go keep it alive when singing for Exchange