davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

A teacher was instructing class
In English and called on small boy
named Jimmy Brown. 4a
James," she said. write on the
board Richard can ride the mule IL
he wants to-"
''Now," continued the teacher when
Jimmy had finished writing, "can you
find better form for that sentence?"
Eyes, ma'am, l think | can" was the
prompt answer. Richard can ride the
mule Ii the mule wants him tc"-Boys
Life.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

MaglcI Just drop little Freezone
on that touchy corn, instantly 1t stops
aching, then you lift the corn Off with
the fingers Trulyl No humbugl
Try Freezonel Your druggist sells
tiny bottle for few cents, sufficient
to rid your feet of every hard corn,
soft corn, or corn between the toes,
and calluses, without one particle Of
Is the discovery of noted Cincinnati
genius.--Adv.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23
Unfinished Business.

Sambo-Say, Doc, what was that
you gave me? l dreamed l was chas-
in large chicken and just as ] was
about to grab i'm / woke up.
Doctor-Whv, that was a quarter
of a grain of morphine.
Sambo-Please squirt 20 more grains
in mel wantah ketch that chicken
Medical Pickwick.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23
IN BAD SHAPE.

''what seems to be the matter with Jour IA
ther?'
81 don't know, but guess it must be some
thing awful, because l heard the doctor say 1t
would take a trip south to cure HIM"
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23
WANTED TO KNOW.

II always measure my WORDS" said the garru-
ous man.
'What do you use?" asked the bored listener.
"a barrel or d tub?'-Boston Transcript
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23
Most Welcome.

A man never appreciates the gift of
Z solitaire diamond more than when
he holds the three other aces.-Boston
Transcript
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

Fortunate Is the man whs doesn't
go lame when he has occasion to side
step temptation.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

Yes, Alfred, about every once in 50
often girl just has to have spat
with her STEADY"
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

Never Judge an argument by its
sound; it may be all sound or not
sound at all.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23
kz2STM NHGHx xx11IsE

I WAS noon, and the big whistle at
the plant of a large manufacturing
just summoned the shop-workers
back to machine and bench, when
Luigi's foreman touched him on the
shoulder. give O'Clock tonight,
Luigi, at the Works Restaurant" he
said briefly. Good supper. good
music, good time, learn English"
i III ri only di11ilu cnunnrnhnndpd
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1920-04-23

Better violets than violence.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Even Deacon Will Enjoy
A Little Sport if Led to 1t
Witness Two Ecclesiastical Bird Lovers-Stumble
Onto Genuine Cock-Fight t-And They Stay to See
Finish, Expressing Pleasure Derived Thereby.

John Fitz Roberts, South Side,
president of the Nebraska Audubon
society, knows more about birds
than the average man and he has
gained this knowledge from tramp
ing through the woods of Fonten-
ellie forest reserve. He knows how
the female cowbird leaves her eggs
in the nest for Mr.. Cowbird to in
cubate while she goes philander-
ing around.
He has fine repertoire of bird
stories, one of which follows: Il had
two deacon friends who were inter
ested in the Baltimore oriole, SO l
took them out one day in my auto
mobile to a place some little dis
tance from the Fontenelle reserve,
where I had observed a pair of ori-
oles building their nest. ys
I'VE drove along and as.we reached
eur destination we heard from an
obscure place the sounds OF cock
a-doodie- -doo,' in clarion, tones. |
suspected something, but did not re-
veal my suspicious to my friends.
when we reached the scene of
the clarion tones we saw some men
fastening gaffs on two roosters.
Well, we remained quite while.
and as we were going away, one OF
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
''Opened by Mistake'' =
Tattooed On Stomach
OF Man, by Physician

Houston. Tex. Feb. 2l.-A kick
from a mule is guaranteed to make
just abou: as much impression on
the memory as it does on the an
atomy. Yet Clyde D. Jarvis has
made sure that he will not forget the
kick he received from a Missouri
beast of burden for the rest of his
natural lne.
Jarvis applied for enlistment in
the marine corps, and exhibited
scar about six inches long on the
left side of his abdomen. He ex-
planned it was the result of an op-
Grafton he had undergone six months
before for supposed ruptured
spleen. following the kick from the
mule.
The operating surgeon had made
the wrong diagnosis. however, and
found that Jarvis spleen was O. X.
Tattooed above the scar in large
letters were the words, Opened by
mistake.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Dodge Street Paving Outfit
Sold to Innocent Stranger
Paid $500 Down on the Contract and Didn't Wake Up
Until He Started to Fire One of the Men Whom
He Noticed Laying Down on the Job-Says He
Came From the Nebraska Corn Belt.

A late scheme OF high finance de-
veloped last week i'll which William
Thrane from the cornfed belt OF
Nebraska was the victim of schem-
ing gentleman who sold him the
street grading outfit being used in
the eNcavating OF Dodge street.
A description OF the enormous in
come being derived monthly from
the rental OF the grading outfit
tempted Mr.. Thrane and he invested
to the extent of five Sl00 Liberty
bonds and $500 in cash.
Mr.. Thranes version Of his iren-
zied plunge to reap fortune came
to light when he attempted to dis
miss one of the men working with
the street grading outfit, which he
claimed was laying down on the
job"
Go Get Your Money"
The man who was approached by
Mr.. Ihrane was told to go get his
check, as he was no longer needed.
Since when have you become
boss?" asked the man.
II bought this whole outfit yester-
day." said Mr.. Thrane, from the
man with the leather leggins who
was engineering the job"
Good night" said the workman,
The rest of the story is as follows
lows:
Il got it very reasonable" said
Mr.. Thrane. The man said he
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

owns SO many OF these outfits that
the government claims he is trust,
so he had to sell this outfit.
Il told him | did not know any
thing about the work, but he insisted
thas | could learn it in few days.
We walked over to his office at one
of the hotels and he told me he had
control of a great number of these
outfits and that when they dug the
Panama canal he owned all the
steam shovels but three.
U. S. Charged Trust.
The United States government
accused him OF being trust so he
had to sell the outfit. He figured it
all out to ME just how much rent
would get from the city for the use
of this outfit, something like SIS
day after | had paid all accounts,
and that it would take Is months to
complete the work. After that he
would have another job for me near
North Platte, digging irrigation
bitches which the government has
planned putting in.
I'VE figured out a deal and | gave
him five $l00 liberty bonds and $500
in cash, the balance of the $4,000
which | agreed to pay for the outfit
was to be paid in weekly install
ments of SPAS a week out of my
rental profits"
Up to the present the man hasn't
returned to collect his rent.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Mr.. Baldrige Should
Learn to Understand
English As It Is Spoke

Fl. H. Baldrige likes the girls,
small girls with curls and pink rib
mons in their hair, he AYERS.
He happened to be in the South
Side on recent occasion and OBJ
served group OF happy little girls
in Mandan park, were he was Wis
itng with a group of Omaha men
who were there in interests of the
Fontenelle forest reserve.
"Who are these little girls?' Mr..
Baldrige asked, in a kindly manner.
1--WE are the camphor girls" a
miss replied, bashfully
"Camphor girls? Do you sell CAM
phor or do you give it away?" the
Omaha man inquired.
Several of the girls giggled, but
the little girl who endeavored to
explain their identity became quite
serious.
81 didn't say anything about cam
phor; / said we were camphor girls"
she repeated
The leader OF the girls then came
to the rescue and saved the day by
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About People
CITY Prosecutor Has
Known But One Pet;
Name Was O'Toole
Soak 'em, soak 'em,
Don't forget to soak 'em;
Give 'em 80 days, or 90 days,


Don't forget to soak 'em;
Give 'em 80 days, or 90 days,
But don't forget to soak 'em."
With apologies to Whittier and
Sam Morris, poet laureate of the
Omaha police department, the fore
going lines are accredited to a va
grant who was recently sentenced to
30 days in Jail in Central police
court upon the recommendation of
City Prosecutor Tom" Murray.
1t is matter of record that
"Tom" has effected more convic-
tions on charges of vagrancy,
drunkenness and other petty cases
during his term of office than his
predecessors care to boast
On one occasion, the prosecutor
is known to have recommended
leniency. That was when an al
legged vagrant informed the court
his name was "O'Toole."
Be they white, black, Malay, boil
shevik, l. w. w. or of any other
class of bomb-throwers, prisoners
brought to the prosecutors atten-
ton receive the full blow of convic-
tion. With tom" sitting beside the
police judge, prisoner merely
stands at attention before the court,
utters Good mornin'. Yerroner,"
and Couldn't va gimme another
day to make it 9l?"
TOMS retort is: Give 'em the
limit "
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Young Dick Came, Saw
And Conquered His Pop
Last Friday the Thirteenth

Though nothing unusual is a sur
prise that happens on Friday, the
Thirteenth, of any month, J. Dick
Hassel, head of a line of sinker-
and-Ja houses and also an orator
of Importance when it comes to
settling arguments in the local De-
mosthenes club, was knocked COO
coo the 18th inst. which happened
on a fish day
Reason? An S-pound bantling.
full of pep and ambition, was added
to the present Hassel group in stor-
age at 2606 Poppleton avenue.
Prouder than kid stealing 4 ride
on a merry-go-round, Dick beheld
that the new crying addition was
a boy, After monopolizing two
thirds of the city telephones in mott
living the city of the birth OF another
Hassel, Dick took to thought about
naming the junior. An older son is
named John Pershing" in honor OF
someone important in winning the
recent house cleaning in Europe.
Dick was so happy he didn't know
whether to call the 8-pounder Den
mis- or Mccarthy.
He'll soon answer to Dick,
though" the popular coffee house
prop. says.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

est he ever came to real philan-
thropy was wild shout:
Lets give three cheers for the
poor"
Nevertheless, and moreover, how
ever, there is always the exception
which proves the rule.
Consider This Lads Future.
Witness the small boy, whose city
spusin is out on his dads farm for
her first visit, and when she asks
for a bite of his apple, he smilingiy
offers it to her with the admonition
Take big one"
Granted. It's mighty rare ex-
ception. But it has been known. to
happen.
And when that small boy grows
up, he will neither be described by
his neighbors as a stingy man, nor
will he design to describe any OF
his neighbors as stingy.
-SELAH.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Success.

Ever since childhood | have
Been possessed of desire to at
tain three degrees.
At the age of 20 | entered Harvard
And successsattended my efforts;
l received my First Degree.
Then I took course in other uni
versities,
And again Success attended my ef-
forts;
| received my Second Degree.
But woe to me,
| was nearing so
And my ambition had nobbeen at
tanned.
l grew morose and married.
Then, a wonderful thought struck
me-
I shot my mother-n-law.
At last Success had crowned my ef-
forts,
For the next day | received the
Third Degree.
Mark Bellinger.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Square Meals Cost
Twenty Gents; Paris
Shows How to Do X

Paris, Feb. 2l.-For just 251-Z
cents it is possible to obtain hearty
meal, washed down with half bot
tie of red wine, in the Paris Mu-
nicipal restaurants just opened. The
3H cents go to pay for the wine
A prohibitionist can get the follow
ing repast for 20 cents, and there's
no tip:
MENU.
Q Hors d'Oeuvre.
Roast beef with fried potatoes.
A large helping of vegetables.
Cheese or pudding.
Large chunk of bread.
Food experts here claim that in
no other metropolis in the world can
three such squares" be had daily
for twice the price-60 cents for
one days nourishment.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Mr.. Leffingwell Advocates
Courage, Candor, ,and Cheer
And Proceeds to Crawl Right Out on Limb, and Saw
1t Off-Friend Wife Seeks Reason for Raisins in
Cider-And Young Hopeful Sits Out the Fam
lily Sands.

guidance of the Leffingwells," hA
began, land it is courage, candor
and cheer trinity of virtues. |
have figured it out, that if we cul-
tivate these qualities, we will have
solved most of our difficulties. Our
troubles will take wing and we will
hear the blue birds and see the sill
yer lining.
This is the great panacea, and
it is free for the asking. 1t abounds
in the air, it is everywhere. Mix
the three elements together, and
you have a life-siving tonic. Take
this tonic in coplous quantities ev-
cry hour and you will call for more.
1t is good for old and young"
Say, pa" interrupted Willie. 81
see that you have to pay your bills
now before the 10th of the month"
Most. of our unrest could be al
leviated if we all had more candor
and cheer and had the courage OF
our convictions. 1t requires cour-
age to carry cheer and candor
through the days work." Letting
well went on. Il would refer tc
these qualities as the three Cs.'"
why not call them the high
Cs?" Willie inquired.
Reasons and Raisins.
Mrs. Leffingwell was beginning to
feel as if she could knock the dining
table over, with dishes and all, but
she maintained her usual control
and met the situation by telling her
second lieutenant what she thought
of the subject matter in hand.
Henry Leffingwell," she purred,
you have about as much courage
as an oyster. | think you had better
practice UP a bit before YOU make
a show of yourself before the neigh
bors, as demcnstrator of courage,
candor and cheer. | believe you
have been mixing raisins in that
cider | have been keeping in the
basement for mince meat pies. And
Henry, you know as much about
being cheer-leader as our cat
knows about grand opera
&. Say, ma, there's reason in every
thing and raisins in some things"
Willie observed.
We'll, Mrs. Lefingwell.' Henry
said in conclusion. "it seems to nx
that my words of wisdom in this
house are like throwing pearls upon
the sands of time"
That isn't right, pa. that isn't
right" said Willie. You mean
sands of the desert"
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
By EDWARD BLACK.

Mrs. Leffingwell was engaged in
her usual 5 o'clock advertisement OF
preparing a table d'hote for Henry,
when Mrs. What's -Her-Name sprint
ed over to the Leffingwell seat OF
government, bringing large smile
and a desire to add momentum to
any neighborhood gossip that had
the element of speed.
Il had an awful experience this
afternoon" the caller began. 1T
was the worst experience | have had
since the time | tried to cut my
mans hair to save 50 cents and the
neighborhood became all cut up over
it when they heard of my tonsorial
efforts.
We'll, when | was returning home
this afternoon on street car, with
my arms full of packages, the string
On one of the packages became loose
and the contents were revealed on
the car foorA and who do you think
was sitting across from me? 1t was
Mrs. So-and-So and you know how
much she cares for me. Ever since
she has been taking guitar lessons
she will hardly speak to me.
well, as | was saying, the pack
age broke open right before her eyes
and | felt embarrassed when ! dis
covered that it was not the package
which / at first thought had broken
open. 1t was only socks, after all.
So l thought that would come over
and tell you, Mrs. Leffingwell. Have
you heard that Mrs. Two-step
smokes pipe"
Suffers in Silence.
The guardian OF the LeffngwelI
bed and board suffered in silence
while her caller chatted along on
the goings and comings of her
neighbors. which affairs found no
place in the scheme ofAthngs in
the Leffingwell house. Mrs. LEI
fingwell at the moment was more
interested in Henry's feeding time,
which the clock indicated was al
most due.
81 came over to borrow pinch
of pepper and I think that | must
be going. because if Mr.. Letting
we'll comes home and finds me here
again, he will think that | am liv-
ing here" said the caller. as she
took her leave homeward.
Lcffingwell appeared on the scene,
having returned home after per-
forming eight hours OF distin-
guished service during the day, as
he believed. He looked over the
home scene with an imperialistic
air, then uttered an interrogation
which was equivalent to when do
we eat?"
Mrs. Lefiingwell began to suspect |
that her chief was due for one of |
his pedantic outbreaks. She was
not disappointed.
Folding his napkin at the sup
per table, and assuming a position
which was eloquent with authori-
ty, Leffingwell crawled right out
on limb and then preceded to
dismember it.
Il have struck new note Tor the
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

could write small enough to get i,
all on one sheet and save paper.
Numerous were the instances of
minute description of the tight old
man who smokes his therefore,
nickle stogie down close, and then
uses toothpick to hold it so it
won't burn his lips or fingers, and
yet he won't waste any tobacco.
And the man who chews tobacco.
saves the cuds to dry, and smoke and
then snuffs the ashes or uses them
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
BUNDLE Bee ATTACKS
HIeH COST 0E LIVING
Will Help the People BY Selling
Tripe at 18 Cents Pound. Big
Shipment on Way.

The Bundle Bee, ever a leader in
helping the common people, has ar
ranged to sell tripe at cost to the
people OF Omaha, thus striking a
vital blow at the high cost of liv-
ing.
One thousand pounds OF tripe will
be brought to Omaha from the tripe
fields of Arizona and sold at Is
cents pound!
This is a considerable reduction
from the price prevailing in the
stores, where tripe is selling at 10
to 20 cents pound.
"We are going to help the people
cut the cost of living" said A.
Singer, editor of The Bumble Bee
I'VE will strike blow by bringing
the price of tripe blow by bringing
OF everybody" <
The tripe offered by The Bumble
Bee is Of the best quality. hand
picked and packed in refrigerator
cars by special arrangement with
the Arizona Tripe association.
The shipment will be shipped in
two special barrels, from the tripe
mills of Bingo, Arizona They will
be rushed via the Santa Fe railroad
to Wichita. Kan. There the two
barrels will be transferred to the
Rock Island on which they will be
rushed to Lincoln, Neb., where they
will be transferred to the Burling-
ton railroad, arriving in Omaha
early in the morning.
Be on hand early at The Bumble
Bee office and get your tripe.
Did It Work, Joe?
(Johnson County JOurnaL)
Notice-The party who took
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
. ~ (QIRk@ ,
omeoue5 idea Of
the hei5M T TS5 S5ete<"'z|

small voice inside TIE "stingy editor
just would not be stil1ed, when he
read that one.
Justification, however, seemed to
ooze from all corners of the en-
velope of the yarn who described
one of the city's philanthropists, who
wears a log-chain on his gold watch,
fur coat, silk hat, and leans on an
expensive cane, as his idea of the
height of generosity.
The neighbor described him,
graphically, and added that the clos
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
The Cole Shortage.

Cody CoWbOy.)
The Cole family has met with
series of unfortunate circum-
stances lately. Mr.. and Mrs.
Hal Cole went to Omaha nearly
two weeks ago, and while there
Mrs. Cole contracted pneumonia.
She is still in a hospital, but is
convalescing. On Wednesday f.
{. Cole became i'll, leaving Paul
Cole alone to take charge of the
bank and the store. As his clerk.
Mr.. Hollinger, has been sick for
several days Mr.. Cole was
obliged to keep the bank closed
and transact the banking busil
ness at the store or open the
bank to accommodate patrons.
II. A. Cole is returning this
vening, Thursday.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

Judging from the replies which
came in answer to the recent con-
test among readers of The Bee as
10 the. stingiest man or woman in
: the world, every other human dis
plays unmistakable traits of extreme
economy at some time or other.
The stingy letter editor was
buried each morning with notes
from everywhere, telling of the
stinginess OF someone, and so many
times were the little deeds of tight
ness repeated, that it caused wor-
RED furrow in his brow.
1t was generally conceded that
Mr.. Penny Pincher, who seems to
delight in clutching poor little One
Cent between his steel-like talons
with such force that wall of pain
must come forth before the pres
sure is removed, is represented in
every community.
Hear Ye! Unmarried One!
Stingy people abound in Nebraska,
Iowa, Kansas, Missouri and other
neighboring states. if the writer's of
these letters are to be helieved-and
each contributor swore to the truth
of his story. ..
Among those present, at this lit
tie stngy party, was one woman
who declared her faith that any
bachelor is among the stingiest men
or women in the world, because he
is even afraid to share his name with
a girl, a
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

Other yarns OF saving deeds roll
ed in, as the tide submerges the div
ing girls, reveling in the zephyfs
at some winter resort.
One woman, who exhibited great
zeal in describing her neighbor who
borrowed the use of her telephone
too much, gave herself away in her
own hand writing.
Here's a Tobacco Fiend.
She must have used a magnifying
glass, in writing her note, so she
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Pastoral P's.
Purl pellucid' pools,
Placidlv pacific,

Purl peliucid' pools,
Placidly pacific,
Pretty posies peep,
Plenteously prolific.
Purple pansies pose
Pensively pathetic.
Pious parsons preach
Pulpit prose prophetic!
Poly-petalled plum
Pollen-pelted pluming
Prim Pomona's puffs
Pleasantly perfuming!
Photographed paths,
Prickly plants projecting, d.
Passing partridge plead
Passive pets protecting!
Patient ploughmen plod
Primitive possessions
Pristine pastures please
Picknicking professions!
Punning poets pen
Prosody pedantic,
Prosy papers print
Pastorals pageantic!
Cartoons Magazine.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

to clean his teeth, proved to be an
other popular example OF the univer-
sal tightwad
One man described his employer.
for whom he declares that he does a
great deal of overtime work and odd
jobs not in the curriculum, as a man
with whom tipping his hat is the
nearest he ever gets to tipping,
Behold the Philanthropist."
OF course, it would hardly be right
to comment on this, but the still
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Bv Thomas A. Mcmahon

BY Thomas A. McMahou
(ln Popular Mechanics)
At night sit and ponder
On the thousandth of an inch;
l knit my brow and scratch my hea
And then my fists | clinch.
o show to me the man, sez L
If Irish, Dutch, or Frinch- +.
The man who first invented
The thousandth of an inch.
When finally | crawl in bed,
So thankful for snooze,
l drive my sorrow all away
Without the aid of booze
I dream - they have caugh
~ar.
Ard ~ aee row will lynch.
By iin& . TIE ,n%u VINO did inven
The thousandth OF All inch
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
Wag Adds Joker to
Medic's S Invitation to
. Visit Him Secretly

A Nebraska doctor used the fol-
lowing advertisement:
Or Smith, physician and sur.
geon.
Difficult cases preferred
Come in. closed carriage"
A sharp wsg appended the follow
ing epi2ram:
And leave in locked hcarse.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22
BUTCH HAS NERVE.

Butch Marr is filling his ice
house with ice this week. The
ice is remarkably clear and the
cakes measure p inches in thick
ness. Butch intends running
soft drink counter at the same
old stand next summer. Good
for Butch. We like fellow who
has cot nerve.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-22

explaining to Mr.. Baldrige that the
girls were Camp Fire Girls out on
a hike in the wildwoods.
"Well, | am pleased to meet the
Camp Fire Girls" Mr.. Baldrige
graciously replied