Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-08-12
There's No Base Like Home
BY Fl. C.. WITWER

OF cabbage and speaxin' Of figures, as
the deaf mute says. She's got on some
wonderful dress which amt doin' her
various charrns a bit of harm and stand
IN orisht there with her lips half parted
In, S BOY !ll!!! Joe. ! throwed away
nam sandwich had just made, stood
up and leaned back against the wash
tubs, .gaspin' for breath. MY heart
was slammin' against my ribs like Il
wanted TO jump out and go away from
mere and l was tremblin' all over like a
guy Wnlch Is nervously wreck. The
Unly ,rny time 1 ever felt that way in my
llfe before. Joe, was the first time I
went over the top We stand there for
propIy three seconds without nobody
sayin word. l can't--and she won't.
Joe, tried to say somethin' and my
tongue lays down on me, but my feet
DON'T ! am across that there kitchen
IN one jump and the next second I got
my arms around this here opium fend q
dream and why shouldn't / be kissn'
her: because Joe--it's Jeanne!
well ts good five minutes anyways
her up and etc. and sayin' she expects
them friends OF hers any minute, but,
Joe, she's still got her arms around me
ana l was the first one to hear the
telephone ring. We let It ring. For "a
while we was Ed. Harmon and Jeanne
and then, Joe. them birds commence to
arrive ana we turn Immediately into
Mr. and Mrs. f. Edison Harmon.
a, Joe. 1t was tough night for me from
then on. They was lot of damee come
IN, many OF which Is boss good-lookers
a ana an OF which was dressed to thrill,
nut the male delegation all looked to me
like conscientious objectors and Class v
IN the draft get introduced all around
10 lot OF Brown-Smiths and l. Elder
perry winston -Succotash or words to
that erect and whilst I hated the whole
10. OF EN-, tley wasn't no question about
birds, but you gotta give II to 'em They
got certain somethin' about 'em which
makes guy like me feel like a waiter
whether he wants to or not. The way
them danes says they was charmed to
meet me and the way them bodyguards
Of theirs lit cigarette, for the example.
made me feel l was shy of somethin|
though what It was l didn't know, All
Of which only infuriates me the more
They all claims they had heard ali
ABOUT me and what am / doin' now and
the ladies call me lieutenant" and the
males begins "Old mannin" me to death.
Joe, I am used to bein made a fuss
over and bein' a human bein' I like it.
but them birds all gimme the idea they
was interested In me the same way they
would be In some wildly animal at the
zoo or the fat lady at the circus.
didn't feel right and when says l
am playin' baseball for a livin' and INV
naturally quick ear catches a coupla
snins from some Of them dames-well,
Joe. 1t didn't make me feei no better.
Joe. the dinner passes off without no
bloodshed though | managed to spill n
oyster cocktail over dame next to
me, but couldn't help It on account Of
bein' both angry and nervous, and IL the
guy which brung the dame in had vp.neo
his mouth. ] was all set to let him have
1t on the chin. Then, Joe, the dancin'
commences. Joe. dance the same way
a armless guy can play the fiddle, 30 I
get sandwiched in on the sofa between a
coupla danes which only wants to know
did l find the war vicious or not and how
many Germans did kill the first day. In
the meanwhile. they is one Of them
ladies' men dancin' around with Jeanne
and Joe. this guy grabbed every dance
and they was goin' so we'll that the
rest of 'em stopped to watch 1t. When
a fat dame next to me says, You'd