Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-08-22
T just shows what's liable to hap
pen to you II you play the piano.
Course, know a lot Of people do

| II JUST SHOWS WHAT'S llaDle 10 nap
pen to you If you play the piano.
Course. know a lot of people do
and get away with it. Maybe
they're unpopular with the neighbors.
and they lose a few friends. and won
der why they amt asked around more.
They're gettin' of easy. But when a
party makes a secret. of it-well, look
at Albert Hickson.
From the name, now, what would be
your guess as to Albert's job in life?
NO. not headwaiter. nor foer-
walker in the house furnishing de-
p p;aa nor even a soda water
eie sae. . Fair guessin'. though He had
important positions. But actually AL
pert was double entry expert. You
know, certified public accountant.
NOT top-liner, such as big corpora
slip the lowers into their income tax
returns. No, l expect Albert would
rate as bookkeeper of about the
fourth or fifth class If it came to a
showdown. But he was plenty skill
full enough for me, when I got tan
gled up in my accounts at the Phys
year.
That's how came to get such a
line III 70. on him. At that don't know
HHNC pdlo ATTENTION III
him If it hadn't been for my assist
ant. swiftly. Joe. Somehow Albert
seemed to impress Swiftly a lot. I
expect that was because Swiftly is
such a dub at figures himself. He
can go as far as six times five with
out crackin' very bad, but beyond
that he simply founders around, and
Wnen 1t comes to addin' up a double
column Swiftly can get some surpris
in. results You ought to see the
chewin' the end.
You do your arithmetic, Swiftly" l
used to tell him, like a Chinaman
eats eats , chop suey. mostly with your
So when Mr. Hickson pays US his
semi-annual visit. Grapes a green eye
shade over his paIlid brow. uncorks
the red and black bottles, sets the
eradlcator outfit handy, and proceeds
to make neat rows of figures and run
EN- up rapid without even movin' his
lips, he gets Swiftly standin' around
gawpy and admirin'.
Some number wizard, that Hickson
guy" Swiftly confides to me in a
whisper. Kinda ladylike, though,
amt he?"
yes" says I, "he does have what
you might call trial balance ply
sique"
He's tall, stifr-jointed party, AL
bert, who always moves his Shout
ders when heturns his head. like he
had permanent neck boil. Also he
has mild. starey eyes, sort of butter
milk blue. a complexion like a Boston
cracker, diversified ears and long slim
fingers that seem to be the only linn
Der part of himf Wears straw cuff
protectors and a little vest apron
bound with green braid.
Say. 1t took Albert a good twenty
minutes to get himself properly cos
tuned for work and everything set.
First he'd straighten up the desk,
pilin' all my papers in neat little
vigorous. Then. he'd place the pen
tray just so, and the ink well there,
and his eraser here, goin' through as
many dnicky motions as surgeon
preparin' to pluck an appendix
| I thought I had Albert sized up
fairly accurate when described him
to Swiftly as a he old maid. And the
more saw of him and the better we
got acquainted the less reason I had
for changin' my mind. l got joshin'
he led. askin' II he'd never tried to
reform and all that. and the first
| thing I knew I had him lookin' fool
ish with his under lip tremblin'.
II know. Prof. McCabe." says he,
that tn a, my lite must seem 5 rather tame
too. But I've never had a. chance
to live differently. Really I haven't"
"How's thatr says I. Big family
on your hands?"' g,
only Sister Alice. but she-she is a
good deaIto live up to-"
And gradually, from that start, I
got the whole tale. Albert was 4
minister's son. He'd been brought
up in small town parsonages, shiftin'
begun trainin' for the pulpit himself,
but he'd broken down while tryin' to
work his way through college. Near
as could gather. he'd tried to tend
at a students boardin' house. keep
a set Of books for a grocery store
and sop up an overdose Of knowledge
all at the same time. No wonder he
| cracked under the strain.
1t was about the time he was turned
man. the Rev. Hickson, passed out.
1eavin' him his blessin' and mighty
little else. Then Sister Alice showed
up from China and took him under
her wing. She was nearly ten years
older than. Albert and she'd been off
doin' missionary work Course, she
was religious-so religious that it
hurt her to smile-that is, it would
have hurt her If she'd ever tried.
which take it she never did. But
q Bible publishin' firm, rents a little
three-room apartment in tho wilds
of. Brooklyn and settles down to the
work Of keepin' Brother Albert in
the straight and narrow. path
It couldn't have been so hard. at
Albert had collected durin' his col
! lege career was a weakness for lettin'
his hair grow long in the back and
! a fondness for playfn' popular tunes
| on the piano. However, Sister Alice
hadn't had him in hand more'n a
month before he was viSitin the har-
Der regular and was confinin' his mu-
steal orgies to thumpin' out pieces
| like The Maiden's PRAYER" and 'The
Moonlight Sonata" 1t was Sister
advanced 'bookkeepin' courses at the
launched as an expert, with desk
room in the top floor Of the buildin'
where I'm located here.
You wouldn't think work like that
| would expose him to many tempta-
lions, would you? But Sister Alice
seems to have had a fine lot of sus-
picions all her own. She made Albert
give a detailed report every night of
| where he'd been durin' the day. just
what he'd done and what he expected
! she didn't need to. be told. She had
him right under her eye. oh. he did
beg OF occasionally to take In a
movie show or concert at Carnegie
He'll. but mainly he got bis is.s evening 1i,ns
around Prospect Park or listenin' to
| the latest bulletins as to how the
| work was Eoin' on in Kaio Chow. NO.
| that's wrong. i remember Afoerts
| sayin' how sometimes him and sister
Alice got real frivolous and anduigeo
| on a game of lotto.
$50 you see" says he. hunchin MS
| shoulders. I've never really had
| chance"