davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
Won Kluck s Disgust
Best News of Seaso
BY ARTHUR REID.

Gen. Won Kluck-who was whip
ped at the Marine BY a frazzled army
OF hungry. sleepless poilus sustained
only by the love OF country and
righteousness that throbbed In their
hearts-brings good news out or
Germany. He says:
Life IN Germany is growing {.
intolerable. Political conditions
there are simply disgusting"
So the general went 10 Geneva.
taking his family with him. ANY
political conditions that disgust
him may reasonably be expected 20
be gratifying 10 folks who have
never learned 20 goose STEP CT kiss
the purple.
Gen. Won Kluck Is one OF the Ger
mans high UP on the list OF war
guilty. The general " charged with
having put 20 death hostages al Sen
is and with having massacred civil
ians at Aerschot-and a few other
little gentlemanly pleasantries. Mosa
Americans II they can't hang hir>-
would Ike 20 forget him.
Some men are known BY the p
friends. others by their enemies q
the new German republic IS 20 bs
Judged by Won kiuck's enmity e. -
entitled 20 higher standing than any
one in responsible circles on this side
Of the Atlantic has supposed
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

conventon.-and even II they should they could not
play much worse trick upon the dry forces than
the republicans played upon them IN Chicago!
We would like to suggest to the republican press.
just matter Of common decency, that while
pratng about the vets" at San Francisco they de-
vote little SPACE to the loss OF that alleged dry"
plank that disappeared from their party platform
somewhere between the resolutions committee room
in the Congress hotel and the convention har7 II
wasn't dry" plank. 1t a subterfuge but It did
promise enforcement OF the constitution'-what-
ever that means.-and was calculated make dry
voters believe that the republican party stood
pledged 10 the maintenance and enforcement OF the
Volstead act, though by limiting
maintenance" The resolution committee adopted
the plank but It read to the convention
published in the official report. The republican
press too, might well spend a little OF its time
planning how the same senate cabel that dictated
the platformand the losing OF the so-called dry"
plank-came 10 nominate. by force OF their
nivance. boastful wet" their candidate for the
presidency?
We do not call attention to these shortcomings OF
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

a nice faithful 'cog'-to soothe his
nerves. feed him fiattery. cater to his
moods, battle his forehead. see that
his meals are on time. protect him
from other women, and otherwise
keep the wheels OF life going
smoothly for him"
What a funny 'cog'!" remarked
the Bachelor. And 1 suppose" he
added. that the man who marries
celebrity should be willing to carry
her Pom and change the ribbons
on It's collars, and pack the wife's
bags, and button her frocks up the
back, and run TO the milliner's for
her hats, and smooth down her man
ayers. and cater to her tempera-
ment-"
And stand between her and all
the petty, little annoyances OF lifel"
finished the Widow. with an ecstatic
sigh. "Oh, II only a woman could
find a husband like that"
What"
But a man never can efface him
self sufficiently to be merely the hus-
band OF a brilliant woman" went
on the Widow plaintively. He'd
rather be the 'cash-register' OF a
mollusc, or the 'good-thing' Of a
sofa pollow. OF the angel OF a show
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

why do people keep right on
committing 'trigamy' p
The Widow appealed TO the Bach
elor. as she made room for him
amid the gay cretOnne cushions Of
the piazza-divan, and held up the
glazing announcement OF the latest
divorce In theatrical circles.
'Trimazy' ?" repeated the Bach
elor. staring at the headlines in be-
wilderment.
Yes" The Widow tapped the
piazza with the toe OF her satin slip
per. IF it's bigamy TO be welded
TO an art and TO a human being at
amy, when a man and a woman are
each welded to an art and to one
another simultaneously" she de-
manded.
Certainly" chuckled the Bach
elor. "Or quadrigamy-if they are
welded 10 separate arts. But what
has marriage to do with this di-
vorcer
I'm professional circles" sighed
the Widow, 1t appears to be merely
the first step toward a divorce. There
are the Charlie Chaplins. and the
others And yet, they are always
again-like douglas and Maryi"
TT must be terrible cross to have
Just one little celebrity in your
home" unused the Bachelor.
at must" acquiesced the Widow
heartily. and when two celebrities
marry. they aren't a couple-they're
a crowd"
"A mob!" laughed the Bachelor.
"A wise philosopher once said that
IL IS a fatal mistake and a crime
against society for one genius to
marry another genius, anyway"
The Widow shrugged her shoulders
scornfully.
why didn't he say that it's a
mistake 10 put sugar on oysters,
or vinegag on custard pie. or tabasco
in your tea ?" she scofred. 1T would
have been just as startling and orig
mali Everybody knows that there
isn't room in any one household for
two thrones, and two halos, and two
sets OF opinions, ant two tempera-
ments, and two enlarged egos. Be
sides. a man and his wife are only
one; and IL one OF them is nine
tenths' the other must expect to be
merely the-the-"
THE submerged tenth'7" sug-
gested the Bachelor.
Exactly" laughed the Widow.
gleefully. And I'd like 10 see Mary
or Douglas or Charlie. or any other
little darling OF the movie-gods al
lowing himself or herself 20 be sub
merged demanded the Bachelor.
"Erfaced - b;otted out - pushed
into the background" explained the
Widow. In the mathematical equa-
ton OF matrimony, some OF US are
better halves
And some OF US are only infer
Tor fractions" put in the Bachelor
modestly.
"Of course" assented the Widow.
"And that's what a genius or a
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

are having in an effort TO 'boozfy'' the San Fran
cisco conclave.
BY this process-agan. believe. discounting
the intelligence the American people playing
them for ignoramuses easy TO over beguie, be-
fuddle and befool-huse screaming
Ing employed and much loud talk. intent upon
spreading conviction. at least suspicion. that
booze" is the only issue that Is really being
sidered out on the western slope They have the
democrats subOrdinang everything TO It, the League
OF Nations prohteerlng, Industrial conditions,
construction. everything. The republicanized
ciated Press censored from Wall st. as It always is
on national issues is having the time OF all times
spreading propaganda IN seeming Justification OF
such headline display II began Il months ago Since
the Chicago convention it appears quite self
confessed that their only hope this year is to tie
the democratic party in way tight to the liquor
ring; make OF It apparent booze party in order
that attention may be detracted issues
OF the campaign that one and playing upon
dry prejudice lead lot OF people forget that
the League OF Nations at all necessary TO
sidered.
PROFESSIONALLY too. there are a lot OF democrats
whose brains all in their thirsts perfectly will
Ing TO sacrifice the rarty. precisely the repubI-
would have il sacrificed who lack the vision
intellectual to beyond what they can
taste and feel-and who 20 prefer TO be half
stupefed in their tastes and feelings. However we
say these will be the majority
Francisco. Such are more generally gutter snipes
such seldom get beyond the primaries.
there delegates from the large cities New York
Jersey City. Chicago. etc consderate OF the
back in the wards and the qualification OF their
degenerate appettes than they in the uplift OF
humanity. the welfare OF the race. or tho peace OF
the world. but doubt II they will control that
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
g. O. p. Effort To iSOGk" Democrats In "BooSe'
Suggests That She "S7geab O7m Dooryard First -

n OIITICAL, pretcnse of the g. O. .. press and
i curbstone gossips to the contrary notwithstand-
-ng-their wish the father OF the thought
marked contrast the republican spectacle
sension. factional fights and wild scramblng for
party honors s evidenced at Chicago Is presented
on the eve OF the democratic national convention
which goes into session tomorrow at San Francisco
And with the setting OF the stage for a national
party convention tina, the nation can be proud Of IT
Is daily becoming evident a larger number OF
voters that the next PRESIDENT OF the United States
IS likely to nominated in the Pacific city.
Attempts Of odd guard" republican leaders and
standpat organs make Il appear that differences
within party ranks over democratic policies and
candidates threaten to set hell a'poppin' at San
Francisco have already been 6scredlted so consist
entity BY events that no voter who thinks for him
self pays the slightest attention them. They but
emphasize how barren Is the G. o. p. platform OF
campaign material. except for the democratic sue
cess
II Is worth noting also that while CAMPAIGNS have
been waged By half dozen candidates for the
democrats nomination for president no million
dollar sush funds have been unioosed the party has
not been rent by wars between cllques. and no
disappointed sspirants threatening throw
monkey wrenches into the machinery after the
nomination has been made. OF course. that hurts
the republicans
The democratic party is setting example IN dig
nifty and decency so anonymous 70 the & o. p.
rneanderings that 1t IS certain TO have strong In
Auence on public opinion during the campaign.
oounter-rritant must accordingly be provided. and
in apparent rea- that may be attainable after
the convention. the OPT osition quite keeping with
SIS hurry-up custom about to supply it in
sdvAnce-hsnce that time OF their lives that they
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

the republicans OF personal knowledge It Is not
own say-so II is the report OF the Anti-saloon
league OF America and of the Ohio Anti-saloon
league, and of Virgil H. Hinshaw. chairman OF the
prohibition national committee Nobody heard
OF the Anti-Saloon league saying anything against
a republican running for Office II IL could possibly
it. conduct c the republican
party If II could find any OF escape. Mr..
Warren Gamaliel Harding, accordingly. must be de-
cidedly liberal" in his attitude toward liquor, and
the story OF the lost dry" plank must be only half
told. this ladies' aid-the Anti-Saloon league
society OF the T., would never have peeped.
We hold 5rief for the booze forces San Fran
cisco. for the so-called personal liberty" harpS
state rights subterfugsts. light wine
and beer vampires but they also had them in Chi
cago where they TO have gained the upper
hand both in the naming Of the presidential
didate and under color OF platform silence. Let the
republicans dig the beam out Of their eye be-
fore looking for the in their neighbours eye
sweep their dooryard first
Pharlsees! Hypocrites! scribesI
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
PremierS
Pursuing Proper
Course WithHnn
BY CHARLES Il. FRANCIS.

Many OF the decisions OF the three
allied premiers at San Reno are not
pleasing 20 the United States. One
OF them. however is hailed with sat
isfactiOn by the American press and
public. X Is the announced de
termination OF this supreme council
10 make Germany live up 20 the
terms OF the Versailles treaty. or Eet
concessions through that channel
the League OF Nations
Germanys failure IN that regard
has been fragrant AS the premiers
have stated in their declaration. Ger
many has not fulfilled her engage
ments for the destruction OF 49,
material, the limiting OF her military
forces, the supply OF coal 20 France
nor the payment OF reparRtion
money and the cost OF maintaining
the armies OF occupation She has
not shown any sincere desire 10 ful-
fill them. Neither has she given
satisfaction, or even made excuses
for criminal attacks on members OF,
allied missions IN Germany. There
has been evident. IN the behavior or
the German government and people.
a growing disposition TO ignore their
peace pledges. fiout the allies. prac-
tise a policy OF sullen resistance 20
6AA AoEkDH OF IGpaAaLlOh
for a new war with a special view
TO crushing France.
All this IS intolerable. II IS clear
that the recent advance OF French
armies into German territory was
justified by broad moral and stra-
tegic considerations. The allied
powers have now come 20 agreement
on the matter. and Germany IS
plainly warned that further evasion
and duplicity on her part VIII result
in more extensive occupations OF her
territory.
Such procedure Is not only ree-
sonable IN itself. but has good HIS
torio precedent After the Franco
Prussian war. the Germans main
tanned garT1sons in France until every
franc OF the French indemnity was
paid and every other obligation met.
despite the fact that the French
had not tried. as the Germans have.
TO make their peace treaty a scrap
OF paper.
Let the allies hold 20 their pres
ent determination, and force Ger
many TO recognize her defeat and
shame. and to pay all that she Is
capable OF paying In partial recon-
pense for the infinite damage she has
done. The only regretful thilR
about Il is that the United Sdrs
due TO republican obstruction-is
not IN position TO help enforce the
treaty.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
MRS. SOLOMON 81 VS.
Being Confessions of Wife 7ooth

My daughter. there is Subtle Crea-
ture. which walketh abroad in the
Land OF Free Woman.
Lo, 1t adorneth itself in a 'nobby
suit" and a glowing hat-band. and
its tan shoes are shining lights upon
the highway.
And wheresoever 1t goeth, It fol-
loweth after squads. pursueth flap
pers, and It's name is called,
Washer"
Now, the Wise Men OF Babylon
gathered together and took counsel
among themselves. saying;
Behold, we shall exterminate this
thing! Yea, we shall select II Per
feet Blondes Of the City. and set
them as traps. And they shall lure
the Washer TO their sides. and lead
him before the High Priests for
judgment. And the Fool shall be
punished according to his follyr"
Then, I questioned them. saying
Wherefore, o Sages. do ye choose
only Blondes as bait for your traps
For doth no man ever look senti-
mentally upon a brunette?"
And the Wise Men shook their
heads and smiledf saying:
Nay. Daughter. for a brunette
must be exceeding beautiful, in order
TO draw the chances OF men; but a
blonde. need be only blondel
10, a comely, dark-eyed damsel
arouseth a mans fears and sus-
picions. and at sight OF her, his heart
cryeth 'Vamp!
fBut there Is something about
yellow hair, which disarmeth him
and weakeneth all his fortifications
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
Timber Growing Is
Problem of Future
and Must be Faced
BY CLIFFORD PNCRoT.

The American people cannot con-
tinue indefinitely using up timber
four times as fast as they are pro
ducing IL. They cannot stop using
timber. What are they going 10 do
about 1T hanifestly. the only thing
TO DO is 20 ratse more timber. and 10
start before the remaining forests
have entirely disappeared
These facts usually suggest spec
tacular policy Of reforestatlon In
volving the planting OF vast tracts
once covered with trees and now de-
nuded. That IL not the only. or even
the most important. possibility. A.
more practical Iian seems 20 bAAa1
system OF timber-growing whereby.
every part OF the country coul&
provide at least large share OF tn
timber for its own needs.
There is, as the federal forestry
service points out, a good deal or
land almost everywhere which IS
not adapted 10 agriculture, but well
suited 10 growing timber. Such spots
may be hundreds OF miles IN extent.
or only q few rods. They may or
may not have had trees growing on
them IN the past. Altogether. they
constitute an area largo enough ID
provide the nation indefinitely with
enough timber for its fundamental
requirements.
Such tracts are usually ignored. II
trees spring up, they may be allow
ed 10 grow, but seldom does any one
think OF doing anything 20 promote
the process. The obvious thing is for
every state and every country TO
take up the matter seriously. and for
every farmer with en- otherwise use
less patch OF ground 20 start = IN a
growth OF good timber trees.
The return would not be 20 quick
as most farmers wish, but In 10 %
20 years there would be an income
from land now unproductive. and
from then on. II sensible methods or
cutting and planting were followed.
a permanent supply and permanent
income would be assured.
once more the sound OF the saw
mill would be heard in every coun-
tryside Once more there would be
local lumber for local needs. Prices
would drop, or at least stop rising
Land erosion would be prevented
and rainfall conserved. And once
more there would be an abundance
OF groves for the pleasure OF the
neighborhood. and landscapes every
where would take on new beauty.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

And he can no more resist following
after il than a kitten can resist fol-
lowing a string, or a puppy resist
chasing a rubber ball or a small boy,
pursuing a military band.
go toi Hast thou not observed,
o Daughter, that in novels and in
motion-picJure plays. all the sirens
and adventuresses posses midnight
hair and rowing back eye? Where
as, all the angelic heroines and per-
secuted saints are 14-carat blondes L?
10, Cleopatra the dusky beauty
may have made fools Of a few men.
But II was Helen OF Troy, the
dizzy blonde, who caused two ma
lions OF men to make fools OF them
selves and OF each other for her
sakel
For, in his time, a man may
have loved many brunettes. but he
must always have a blonde in his
life!
Go to, a dazzling brunette may
walk seven city blocks without
arousing more than two glances OF
admiration: but a baby-blonde can
not take seven steps without causing
the futtering OF hearts.
And a greater furry in Wall St
hath been caused by the passing OF
a blonde, than by a fall IT, the stock
market
Verify, a red parasol waved in the
eyes OF 'El Toro' is not more potent
than a blonde head IN the eyes OF a
masher.
And a little peroxide is a mirac-
ulous thingl"
Selah.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
PORCH LIFE.

Never before In tn history o. this
town has Their been so many pOrches
built as Their has this season." de-
clared Miss Fawn Lippincut, before
tn Shakespeare club, Friday. IT'S
all due perhaps { tn CROWN in china
ton Z git out o. tn house. Theirs
nothin' as hospitable lookin' an In
vitin' as a wide, SPACIOUS verandy.
O. course theirs allus been porches
more or less. but most o. them have
been used Z leave umbrellers an
overshoes on, a sort of sheltered spot
on which Z dust yourself off an
gather yourself t'gether before you
ring tn dooTbell. Then too porches
have been used L put tn baseburner
on durin' tn summer, or t shelter
tn lawn mower an wheelbarrow
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

By Helen Ro1cLand-7hrough the Wido7o,s Lorgnette

girl That seems much more manly
and noble TO him"
We'll, 1 should say sol" exclaiIn-
ed the Bachelor, devoutly.
mo matter how a woman may
tower above him intellectually or
professionally, a man always ex-
poets her 10 look up to him." sighed
the Widow, even IL she has TO bend
double in order TO do IT.
And she usually does it," chuck
led the Bachelor.
It know IT." acknowledged the
Widow. IF he catches her young
enough, and before the plaudits have
gone TO her head and the footlights
have dazzled her eyes. It's so much
more natural and comfortably for
her TO look up 10 a throne than to
stand on a door-mat But that's
before she has become accustomed
to a little throne and a little king
dom Of her OWn-to debating TO
managers, and handling her own
pay-envelope, and going when and
where she pleases, and eating her
meals at her own sweet. odd, tenn
peramental hours. and changing
her mind, and choosing her hats TO
suit her whims. After all that. she
is not inclined to step gracefully
down of her pedestal and occupy
a foot-stool-to stop singing. See
the-Conquerfng- Heroine-COmesr and
begin saying Yes, dear'i"
''Of course not" agreed the Bach
Tor. What she should marry IL not
a husband. but a sort OF masculine
edition OF a lady's maid"
Exactly" agreed the Widow.
And above all not spoiled darling
Of the footlights or a screen-idol, or
a literary genius, or a virtuosO who
expect her TO be a combination
valet-echo-and-s soothing syrup, and
who couldn't even pick up things
after himself, or clean his own
safety-razor"
In short" suggested the Bachelor,
when a celebrity falls IN love with
a, celebrity, or a genius falls in love
with a genius. you'd advise him or
her 10 run for his life
"Or for the nearest padded cell, p"
appended the Widow. But pshaw
A genius doesn't stay in love long
enough to matter. anyhow"
Copyright, 1920
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

durin' tn winter Also tn porch has
been a poplar place fer father Z set
an cool his bare feet of after a par
ticularly hot day. But t'day tn porch
is regarded as tn main family Twin
room, an next Z autos more money
is bein' spent on porches than on any
other necessity. Merchants have been
quick Z notice tn steady trend to-
ward porch life an are maxim tn
most OF II. All sorts OF especially
built an decorated porch furniture
fair prices cOnsiderin' tn cost O.
eggs, an other luxuries. Gay awnln's
or japanese slat shades add greatly
Z tn porch. Hangin' book racks an
magazine shells are among some
new porch ideas. Tea trays an nest
ed tables In the poplar shades, fancy
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

hot plates an dinin' table fer wienie
roasts. Powered ice boxes fer home
made beer. zinc lined wicker aquar-
iums fer gold fish, rain proof rugs,
pillow lockers. fashy pots fer cut
flowers, wicker divans an chairs.
hammock posts. willow bird cages
an ash trays are some o. tn porch
novelties. Where a family is large
an on friendly terms no end o. gen.
uine enjoyment may be had on a
fully equipped porch. II tn family Is
small friends may be called In { en-
iiven things. We all seem { be grow
in tired O. tn indoors an tn fur
nished porch has come at a time
when a goodly number Of our people
are tired o. motorin' DER tn same
ole territory ever evenin' But
torches should be large. Wher theirs
sufficient meals available, tn porch
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

should flank at least three sides o
tn house. This arrangement II come
in handy where family wrangles are
frequent an unavoidable on account
O. crowded conditions. TIL daughter
kin entertain her company around
tn corner while mother an father
discuss tn overhead expenses. A big
ramblin' porch allows a family {
split up without goin' { tn theaters.
TIL porch teaches us { love tn
great out O. doors without gettin'
run over. We are only safe t'day on
tn porch or in a car. If you con-
template addin' porch [ your
home by all means insist on a porch
wall instead Of a railin' so you kin
cross your legs an relax no matter
how you're built or what kind o
stockin's you've got on
Copyright, 1920
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

Eve may have had nothing but
fig-leaf 20 wear; but at least. she
had the delightful consolation Of
knowing that no other woman could
come out two weeks later IN a cheap
imitation OF It.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

Man was made from clay-to be
modelled, developed and finished, by
woman. But woman was made from
a bone, and remains what she was
born, until the day she dies
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

When a married man tells you
that all his acts are governed and
inspired by intuition-well, you know
whose intuition II is.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

Everything comes 10 the woman
who waits; but, by the time II az
rives she IS usually either too mad
10 speak 10 II, or waiting for-some
other man.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27

A wornan's youthful love-affairs
are never so thrilling and romantic,
as when she re-tells them TO her hus-
band for the 47th time.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-06-27
WInOW.nSNS

A man will promise a woman or
a baby anything on earth. just 10
keep them quiet