The Washington herald., 1920-08-25
ARE YOU ONE OF THESE:

ARE YOU ONE OF THESE:
Now there be FIVE different varie-
ties Of the masculine bore. each more
deadly and to be avoided than the
other.
The first among these social ca
lamities is the Man Who Talks
About Himself.
He l. the puffy gentleman, always
among those present, who has a
.sixty-irch chest expansion and five
and a half hat band. And he is the
Eappiest. cheeriest thing on earth,
for he is always lost IN joyous con-
tcmplaticn of that marvel of per
feCtion-himself. And he is bathed
in a glow of Righteousness for
he feels that he is dOinG a noble and
altruistic thing in telling you how
great and wonderful he is and per
hitting you to admire him.
Tie Man Who Talks About Him
self has only one tOpiC-Himself. But
that is ineNhaustible. He never
wearies in telling you of the most
insignificant tales of his life. He
will spend hours disCouring to you
just why he eats oatmeal for break
done. and when he begins on the
thrilling serial of what he said to
the boss and what the boss said to
him, it is a continuous performance
which nothing save some untoward
accident can stop.
The Man Who Talks About Him
self sees all life in terms of his
own ego. The most important thing
that happened il the great war was
his buying a Liberty bond. Talk
about the masterpieces of litera-
ture. and ne hauls out of his pocket
book and reads to you a letter sign
ed by NOx POpuli that he wrote to
some newspaper. Speak of great
artists and he tells you that he
painted the house white with green
trimmings. Refer to some frightful
catastrophe that has wrecked cities
and slain thousands. and he breaks
in with an account of the time he
sprained his big toe.
Prudent people fee at his ap-
proach. and he attributes it to envy
and jealousy of him, and that no
man murders him is the signal tri-
umph of civilization over our nat
ural impulses, for any jury would
aCquit the slayer on the ground
of justifabIe homicide, committed
in self-defense.
Close akin to the Man Who Talks
About Himself If the Man Who
Rides His Hobby.
Sometimes he is stamp COL
Village Ct-Up. He is the youth
photographer; Sometimes he is a
student of the ancient Aztec ruins.
Sometimes he is a prOhiitionist. or
a ritualist, or a spiritualist. Some
times he plays golf. Sometimes he
is a motOrist
1t doesn't make any difference.
The minute you get in his society
he mounts his hobby and draEs you
up beside him, and you are off
through desert wastes of talk that
make you pray for speedy death to
come and end your suffcrings.
Who can not recall. desolate even
ings spent in looking over collec-
tions that meant absolutely nothing
in his young life, and of turning
over millions of stamps, or photo
graphs, every one of which he
could have bedewed with his tears
of boredom? Who has escaped the
religious or philanthropic fanatic
who fixed him with a glittering eye
and maundered on for hours and
hours about his favorite theme?
Not one for the Hobby Bore, like
the poor, is ever with US, and unlike
the poor we can not give him
dime and buy freedom and surcease
from his tongue.
Third among masculine bores Is
the Man Who Believes Himself a
HumOrist.
The most obnoxious form of him
is found in what is known as the
other. is the Village Cut-up's Idea
who thinks it is funny to play
practical jokes, and who drops ice
cream down young mems collars,
and turns mice loose in the ball
room, and who achieves his greatest
triumphs at weddings, when he pins
signs reading I'VE Are a Bridal
Couple: BE Good to Us" on the bags
of couple just starting out on
their honeymoon.
They fall from the frying pan into
the fire, however, for the urban va
ration of this type of boor is the
perpetual story teller, whose jokes
all have whiskers on them, and who
tells you, as a humorous adventure
that has happened to himself, the
funny story you read in. the morn
ing paper.
The fourth among bores Il ths