The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1920-01-23

We haia't got much notion wheth-
er we had orter say 1t or not, but
we'd heap sight ruther our wimmen
folks would tat that tattle.
The dry spell has just started and
the Office Devil says he has had to
soap himself twice to keep from
squeaking when he bends his dry
frame little bit.
To save further worry, trouble and
cost, we take this method to warn the
would-be friends of Ernest Birkhead
and family, that they will have to
spring something stronger than wood
alcohol on Ernest If they expect a
wreath of flowers to be appropriately
used in connection with any sort of
ceremonies having to do with the Old
Man.
When a preacher announces a
meeting for men and boys only over
the age of IL or IA years, and then
when he delivers the said sermon and
nothing therein is heard that could
not be said in the presence of the
most fastidious and modest society
there will more than likely be those
in the audience who go away dis
atisfied-cheated you might say.
Ernest Birkhead went to Louisville
few days ago and from thence to
Vincennes, Ind. About the time Birk
arrived home big, handsome wreath
+ flowers came to his family from the
first named city. His good wife and
friends can in nowise account for
the floral offering, except it be that
it is generally known that he who
INDUCES nowadays usually winds up
by having it said over his inanimate
form, Poor fellow, another victim
OF wood alcohol"
| *#&
We received letter a few days ago
together with a patented safety coin
holder in which was $3.50 for years
subscription to the Republican. On
the reverse side of the card was the
following: "oRDER CARD; Date
The Hayner Distilling Co. hereby
order ONE full quart bottle of HAY
NER PRIVATE STOCk BOTTLED.
IN-BOND WHISKY" &c &C. We show
ed the letter and outfit to the Devil
and he said that that was the frs
real direct persona. benefit he had
noticed from all of this bone dry bus
mess, as he hoped to have payday
instead of Buckeye State liquor
dealer a gittin it,
was talking to my wife the other
day about the big times l was going
TO have fishing this coming spring &c
when she says 1T looks like that's
about all you think of or look forward
to. says, woman! don't you
know that Peter, Andrew, John and
"a of all the Apostles were originally
fishermen, mot only for fun merely
but for a living?" Then she flare;
ap and says "stop your back-firing
I'm not argueing with you about whai
them apostles first did, what I'm say
ing to you is that you'll never re
member getting out of the worm
hook and line gang. What thasam'
hill do you spose she meant, anyhow?
Some days ago we received letter
from an appreciated friend, fine
old scout, of the state of Illinois. The
letter started something like this;
Dear Friend Tins: Enclosed find
check for $3.50 for which send me
your dirty sheet another year. eve
could give numerous instances Of
complimentary letters like the above
but bashfulness forbids.) The above
mentioned Fellow lives in Shawnee
town, ILL.,, and signs himself d. d. S
Should any of cur readers ever hap
pen to hit Shawneetown and neeC
their molars or eye teeth yanked ou
we guarantee that this Guy will give
you an exhibition of painless DENTS
try. that is to himself, provided how
ever, you don't get away without
paying him for the pain he gives
you. If you should, in that event Il
will perhaps be mutual, the pain
mean.