South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-03-22
4 Very Bad Half Hour

The telephone rang just as we
settled into our first hard sleep. We
tried to pretend to ourselves that
we hadn't heard it No use, it rang
again We endeavored to persuade
ourselves that ii was something else
In vain. 1t rang longer. and louder
Drowsily we stumbled out of bed
and across the room. One learns
things about himself in the dark
| He discovers for example that he
travels much faster than he does in
the daytime, attaining a velocity
quite equal to that Of a greyhound.
He makes this discovery when he
lcollides with something.
1t was a closet door that we col
lided with. A clothes hook pro-
jecting from it caught US on the
jaw. just abaft the point. A shower
of brilliant sparks seemed falling
about us. We were thrown violently
back on our launches by the con-
cussion. Our hand shot up TO our
chin and found even then that a
lump the size of a walnut had
sprouted on our jawbone
The telephone kept on ringing.
but we paid no heed TO it. We had
lost interest in telephones.
The next morning the lump was
much larger and more solid. From
it shooting pains radiated TO our
temples and back behind our ears
In a few days these pains sub
sided. but the lump didn't 1t re-
manned large and obtrusive. like
one OF those convex burls you some
times see on trees.
Our friends commented on it
freely. most of them affecting TO be-
lieve that we had indisCreetly sassed
"a policeman.
They advised us to let it remain.
1T is a marked Improvement in
your appearance. they said
Just the same it worried US It
focused the eyes Of strangers upon
us in an unpleasant fashion. Fur
thermore. il made shaving difficult.
Even a safety razor is dangerous on
a surface which changes direction
at every point. like a sphere.
After week. during which the
pain entirely disappeared. we went
10 the family doctor.
He pr9dded the lump with his
finger and asked if il hurt. We told
him it didn't.
1T may not do you any harm.
he said, and again it may Better
have it taken of"
All right. 20 ahead and take it
.cff.' We said, gritting our teeth
heroically
"Oh. I never attempt any surgery.
Get bone man TO do it for you.
Here He took out one Of his pro-
feSsiOnal cards and scrubbed on il.
DIR. Jones, Physicians and Sur
geans' building"
Hen do il for you" he said.
while you wait And he won't
dent your bank account very heav-
lily. either. Hes "a friend of mine"
The next time 7 was in town
went to the Physicians and Sur
Eeans' building and told the eleva-
tor man l wanted 10 go 10 Or.
Jones Office.
re put NE OH at the uILn moor.
and following "a legend on the door
II entered a rather shabby little
office.
A glass partition separated the
waiting room from the doctors pri-
vate office. Behind the partition 1
heard a man moving about.
Presently man with pointed
whiskers entered from the hall and
looked at me inquiringly.
Looking fo~ me-" he asked. Il
am DR.. Jones"
Yes, doctor. wanted to see you
about"
Very we'll I'll be out presently"
And he entered the private ONCE.
He left the door ajar as he went in.
The man who was already in there
greeted him.
Did YOU see ito" he asked.
YES replied the doctor. case
OF lumpy jaw
i began 10 be interested. He had