davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

The late P. 7. Barnum delighted to
tell of his thousand and one amusing
experiences, especially some that hap.
pened during his first tour of England
with the greatest show on earth "
One of the best is joke on the "cham.
piOn humbugger" himself. Barnum. on
a leisure evening, bought ticket to an
English music hall. Imagine his keen
delight as he heard the usher, as he
took the tickets of the people ahead
say; Letter Hay, first row; letter
Hee, fifth row; letter Heff, sixth row
letter High, ninth row." and then, in
response to Barnum's inquiry, Where
do l go?" he said: You go to He'll
sir"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
HEAD STUFFED FROM
CATARRH OR A COLD
Says Cream Applied in NostriIs Opens
Air Passages Right Up.

Instant relief-no waiting. Your
clogged nostrils open right up; the air
passages Of your head clear and you
cen breathe freely. No more hawking,
shutting, blowing, headache, dryness,
No struggling for breath at night !;
your cold or catarrh disappears.
Get a small bottle of Ely's Cream
Balm from your druggist now. Apply
a little of this fragrant, antlseptic,
healing cream in your nostrils. 1t pen.
etrates through every air passage Of
the head, soothes the inflamed or swol-
len mucous membrane and relief comes
Instantly.
It's Just fine. Don't stay stuffed up
with a cold or nasty catarrh.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

monial as every statement l have
made is perfectly true. Mrs. ]. o.
ELMQUIsT, 2424 s. 10th Street, Omaha.
Nebraska.
Women who suffer from those dis
tressing ills peculiar to their sex should
be convinced by the many genuine and
truthful testimonials we are constantly
publishing in the newspapers Of the
ability Of Lydia f. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound to restore their health.
To know whether Lydia E. Pinkham g
Vegetable Compound will help you, try
i'll For advice write TO Lydia Z. Pink
ham Medicine Co. (confdentiaD, Lynn,
Mass Your letter will be opened, read
and answered by a woman, and held in
strict confidence.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Prospectors arriving at Nome
Alaska, recently told of great valley
of placer gold ore believed buried be
meath a huge age-old blanket of lava
which stretches for miles along the
right shore of the Inmachuk river in
the Kotzebue country near Nome. A
gold bearing gravel has been found by
miners who have attempted to tunnel
under the rim of the lava sheet Drills
will not penetrate the lava, the pro
spectors said. One "sourdough" min
err, H. L. Stull, said he tried to break
the lava with power drill last summer
but failed.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
Names Baby Marine Cora Haverly.

Sergt. oran b. Haverly, United
States marine corps. San Francisco.
and Mrs. Haverly announce the birth
of a daughter, who will be christened
Marine Cora Haverly."
In requesting a furlough and an
nouncing the birth of the child to his
commanding officer, the marine used
the Biblical quotation: Train up a
child in the way it should go; and when
he is old he will not depart from it."
Sergt. Haverly explained that he
wanted n boy, but as he could not
hope ever to enlist his child in the
corps, he had done the best he could
to make a good Marine of her.
He got his furlOugh.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
OUT O. LUCK
Never mindi Just take
Cascarets if Bilious,
Constipated

Everyone must occasionally give to
the bowels some regular help or else
suffer from constipation, bilious at
tacks, stomach disorders and sick head
ache. But do not whip the bowels into
activity with harsh cathartics.
What the liver and bowels need Is
a gentle and natural tonic. one that
can constantly be used without harm.
The gentlest liver and bowel tonic is
"Cascarets.- They put the liver to
work and cleanse the colon and bowels
of all waste, toxins and poisons with
out griping-they never sicken or in
convenience you like Calomel, Salts,
Oh or Purgatives.
Twenty-Five million boxes Of Cas-
carets are sold each year. They work
while you sleep. Cascarets cost so lit
tie tOo.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
For Young Mothers

Charlottesville, Va.-"Dr. Pierce's Fa.
vorite Prescription is the grandest thing
that ever came into existence for young
mothers. / did not know of this during
my first expectancy and in consequence
] suffered with my nerves, and for the last
two months ! was never comfortable. !
cannot describe the comfort 'Favorite
Prescription brought to me, mentally and
physically, and l had practically no sui.
fering-the only comparison ! can give il
that there was as great difference as
between black and white. / was also able
% nurse these last two. which was i'm
possible with my first baby, and it was
this fact that caused me TO lose him when
he was only six months old. Ny two
girls have always been healthy and strong,
and l am sure that my own health has
been improved by taking this wonderful
tonic at the time my system most needed
it."-Mrs. Matte Glass. el7 West St.
DR.. Pierce. OF Buffalo. N. Y, long since
found out what is naturally best for wom-
ems diseases. He learned 1t all through
treating thousands OF cases. The result
of his studies was a medicine called DR..
Pierce's Favorite Prescription. This med
icine is made or vegetable growths that
nature surely intended for backache,
headache, weakening drains. bearing
down pains, periodical Irregularities, pelvic
inflammations. and for the many disor-
ders common to women in all ages of life.
Send 10c to DR.. Pierce's Invalids' Hotel.
Buffalo. N. Y, FOR trial package of Fa-
vorite Prescription Tablets.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
DON'T FEAR ASPIRIN
IF 1T IS GENUINE
Look for name "5syer" on tablets,
then you need never
worry.

To get genuine -Bayer Tablets Of
Aspirin" you must look for the safety
"Bayer Cross" on each package and
on each tablet.
The 'Bayer Cross" means true,
world-famous Aspirin, prescribed by
physicians for over eighteen years, and
proved safe by millions for Colds,
Headache, Earache, Toothache. Neu-
ralgia, Lumbago, Neuritis, and for
Pain in general. Proper and safe d.
rectlons are in each unbroken "Bayer''
package.
Handy tin boxes of 70 tablets cost
but a few cents. Druggists also sell
larger "Bayer" packages. Aspirin is
the trade mark OF Bayer Manufacture
of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Of Salicylic.
acid.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Catarrh is a local disease greatly infiu-
enced by constitutional conditions IL
therefore requires constitutional treat
ment. HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE
is taken internally and acts through the
Blood on the Mucous Surfaces OF the Sys-
tenn. HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE
destroys the foundation of the disease,
gives the patient strength by improving
the general health and assists nature in
doing its work. $1,000 for any case Of
Catarrh that HALLS CATARRH
MEDICINE fails to cure.
Druggists 75c. Testimonials free.
F. ]. Cheney & Co, Toledo, Ohio.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

The stingiest man know lived in
a suburban town. He called up his
home Cat his firms expense for TOLD
to have a steak for dinner as he was
bringing home a guest. The plans
of the guest we're changed and he
couldn't CO. so this man called up his
home again shortly before dinner and
told them to take the steak back and
get some chops instead. He is con-
sidered to be worth over half mill
lion dollars and owns a beautiful
home.-Exchange
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

The Friday superstition arose be-
cause the crucifxion is supposed to
have taken place on that day. Some
persons think it is unlucky to spill
salt, because Judas Iscariot seems to
be splitting 1t in Da Vinci's picture.
Others think that it is because salt
is a symbol of incorruptibillty, and
splitting It is. therefore. a sign of
broken friendships and general up
sets.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
RECIPE FOR GRAY HAIR.

To half pint of water add OF, Bay Rum,
e small box of Barbo Compound, and u
OF. Of glycerine. Apply to the hair twice a
week until 1t becomes the desired shade.
Any druggist can put this up or you can
mix it at home at very little cost. 1t will
gradually darken streaked, faded gray hair,
and will make harsh hair soft and glossy.
It will not oo'or the scalp is not sticky or
greasy, and does not rub off.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

In one of our camps, just before our
entrance into the war, an officer was
making round of inspection when he
came upon a big, round-eyed private
with red hair and gun that he held
in anything but the approved fashion.
"Don't you know better" demanded
the officer. than to point an empty
gun at me?"
But It amt empty. sir" protested
the private Its loaded l"-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

stomach. and / was
in a miserable state
when / began taking
DR.. Pierce's Favor
its Prescription and
Golden Medical Dis
covery together. /
was completely re-
lieved of these all
ments and m a d e
strong and healthy
by their use, and I
felt like a different
person. Mrs. Sam
uel Layne, sol John
aon ST
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

find of black opal at Tintebar,
near Balllna. New South Wales. has
caused much excitement at Melbourne,
reports Trade Commissioner A. W.
Ferrin. There has been a rush of ap-
plicants for miners rights and per-
mission to enter private lands The
Melbourne Age states that nearly a
hundred claims have already been
pegged.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

twenty years Tor fe-
male troubles and it
has helped me very
much. ! have also
used Lydia +. Pink
hams S anative
Wash with good re-
suits. I always have
a bottleof Vegetable
Compound in tn e
house as it is a good
remedy in time Of
need. You can
nuhlizh my fpeff-
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

The first magazine in America con
Quoted solely by women was the
Lowell Offering, monthly periodical
published from 1912 to 1919 by girls
employed in the mills Of Lowell, Mass
Lucy Larcom was one of its frequent
contributors.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

The government of India has sent
letters to various chambers of COM
merce suggesting that they find a way
to maintain seven centers for aircraft.
The cities proposed are Bombay, Cal
cutta, Madras, Karachi. Delhi, Nag
pur and Rangoon. The centers are
believed to be sufficient for affair
routes in India and Burma.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

A single application Of Roman Eve Bal
sam on going to bed viii prove its merit
for indammations of the Eyes, external
and internal-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
lie Zinc for Attention.

There's a time for everything"
"of course. That's why we don't
pay any attention to getting the snow
Off the streets until It is warm enough
for a good thaw."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Hewitt-Did you ever dream that
you had untold wealth?
Jewett-Last night l dreamed that
was rich enough to sandbag a man
with sugar.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

"Why don't we get any more Turk
ish rhapsodies?'
'Well, they amt got nothing to
rhapsodize over. take it."-Louisyllle
COurier-Journal
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

"Green Hill says he was first at
tracted by his wife's voice" ayes,
and now he is distracted by it."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Maud-This keen air is certainly ex-
hilarating. feel like a 4-year-old this
morning.
Belle-And you look it, dear-ten
times over.-Boston Transcript.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Let "Danderine" save your hair and
double its beauty. You can have lots
of long, thick, strong, lustrous hair.
Don't let 1t stay llfeless, thin, scraEgly
or fading. Bring back its color, vigor
and vitality.
Get a 35-cent bottle of delightful
"Danderine" at any drug or toilet coun-
ter to freshen your scalp; check dan
druif and falling hair. Your hair needs
this stimulating tonic; then its life,
color, brightness and abundance will
return-Hurry ADV.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

"How fast the winter days do fyi"
mercy, ses Time goes about as
fast as ton of coal"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
Microbes nave sense enough to pass
up tobacco and whisky.

No harmful drugs in Garfield Tea 1t is
composed wholly of simple, healthgivins
herbs.-Adv
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Edlth-Isn't it disgusting to hear
men flattering women!
Maud-Other women, yes
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

1t is far easier to mend a broken
neart than a broken rib
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

1t Is easier to applaud than it is
TO win apnlause
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Some men are born diplomats and
some are married
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

One Of the queer things about a man
is the way he thinks it is impossible
for any woman not to admire him.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

"Pink tea Eva, is another name
for scandal function.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
DEPENDED UPON
IT 20 YEARS
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound Has Been
This Woman's Safeguard
All That Time.


Omaha, Neb. II have used Lydia E.
Pinkham Negotiable Compound forever
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

A lot of men go broke just before
the day breaks.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
RUB RHEUMATIC PAIN
FROM ACHING JOINTS
Rub Pain Right Out With Small Trial
Bottle Of Old "St.
Jscob1 OIL"



It's pain only; not one case in fifty
requires internal treatment. Rub
soothing penetrating "St. Jacobs Oil"
right on the tender spot" and by the
time you say Jack Robinson-out
comes the rheumatic pain and distress.
"St. Jacobs Oil" is harmless rheu-
matism llniment which never disap-
points and doesn't burn the skin. 1t
takes pain, soreness and stiffness from
aching Joints, muscles and bones
stops sciatiea, lumbago, backache and
neuralgia.
Timber upi Get a small trial bottle
of old-tlme. honest "St. Jacobs Or
from any drug store, and in a mo-
ment, you'll be free from pains. aches
and stiffness. Don't suffer- Rub
rheumatism away-Adv.
Meeting Emergencies.
"Dolson's wife is an awful talker.
How does he get on so well with her"
Hes a good dstener"-Life.
AS women grow older love cuts much
less ice than money
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
BILIOUSNESS
Caused by
Acid-StOmaCh

II people who are bilious are treated ac-
eording TO local symptoms they seldom get
very much better Whatever relief Is OBJ
tained is usually temporary. Trace bilious
ness to its source and remove the cause and
the chances are that the patient will re-
main strong and healthy.
Doctors say that more than 10 non
organic diseases can be traced to an Acid
Stomach. Billousness is one Of them. lndt-
Eestion. heartburn, belchiug, sour stomach,
bloat and gas are other signs Of acid
stomach. EATONIC, the marvellous modern
stomach remedy, brings quick relief from
these stomach miseries which lead to long
train OF ailments that make life miserable
" not corrected
EATONIC literally absorbs and carries
away the excess acid Makes the stomach
strong. cool and comfortable. Helps digos-
tlon. improves the appetite and you then
get full strength from your food. Thousands
say that EATONlC is the most effective
stomach remedy in the world. It is the help
YOU need. Try It on our money back-f-
not satisfied guarantee At all druggists
Only SO cents for a big box.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
WOman's Weakness-How Cured

Hash is the ghost of a square meal
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

Lynchburg, Va.-'1 was suffering with
woman's weakness and catarrh of the
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12
HEALS RUNNING SORES

II feel It my duty to write you a letter
OF thanks for your wonderful Peterson's
Ointment. l had a running sore on my
left leg for one year. l began to use
Peterson's Ointment three weeks ago and
now it is healed. "A. C. Gilbratk, 703
Reed ST.. Erie. Pa.
For years | have been selling through
druggists a large box of PETERsON'S
OINTMENT for IS cents. The healing
power in this ointment is marvellous.
Eczema goes in a few days. Old sores
heal up like magic; piles that other reme-
dies do not seem to even relieve are
speedily conquered. Pimples and nasty
blackheads disappear in a week and the
distress Of chafing goes in a few minutes
Mall orders filled. Peterson Ointment Co.,
Inc, Buffalo. N Y.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-03-12

AS women grow older love cuts much
less ice than money.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1920-07-08
WHY NOT coxEY, Too9

- ,t..
Wen forgive the old Buckeye
state if she gets a bit cockey this
fall as both of the leading candi-
dates We're born, reared, educat-
ed and now reside within her
proud domain. Both Cox and
Harding are newspaper men both
are self-made men; one is an Epis-
copalian and the other Baptist /;
both are in the very prime of life,
and have served as governor of
Ohio.
If the Buckeyes could just per-
suade another Ohio citizen to run
on an independent ticket, the
scheme would be complete. We
refer to the man who marched an
army to the white-house door dur
ing the Cleveland hard times
General" w. S. Coxey. Cox,
Coxey, and Harding from Ohio,
and Gene Debs from just cross the
line in Indiana-would indicate
an atmosphere hanging over that
particular section filled with presi-
dental ozone. If Poindexter,
Borah, and johnson would bottle
some of it up and bring it out
west, we too, might stand a show
to send a man to Washington.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1920-07-08

Mr.. Harmeling, our local seer,
iustifies the good impression we
first formed of him a couple of
months ago. His wide and varied
experience from New Jersey to
the Pacific coast gives him ripe
and richly endowed mind. In a
casual conversation with him this
morning he told us that American
foul brood was playing havoc with
the bee industry Of the Island.
We recall what Holland says in
Bitter Sweet-"All common good
has common price, exceeding
good, exceeding"-and we would
advise vigorous action being TAX.
en- by the man who owns bees, and
finds among them foul brood, to
eradicate this plague at any and
all costs, at once. Delay will mean
greater loss, and the impairment
of the industry on the Island. For
the best method see Mr.. Harmed
ing or write the County Agent. Z
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1920-07-08

creed was summed up in the asser-
ton that he was opposed to every
thing that was, and in favor of
everything that wasn't. The ma
tion isn't going to the dogs this
fall, but we are not very enthusi-
astic over either of the three can
didates for president-so Wen
either have to hold our nose when
we go to vote, or spend the day at
Tahlequah digging clans
And every citizen should go to
the polls and vote. 1t is only in
exercising our rights at the ballot
box that a representative govern
ment is kept alive. But will the
hardheaded business man of to-
day, or any other unbiased Ameri-
can citizen, actually tell us the diff
ference between the platforms of
the two big parties? Well confess
we do not know whether the re-
publican plank on the league of
nations is in favor of a league or
Inot-and we are worse confused
as to what stand the democratic
platform pledges that party on the
same issue.
If you ask us where Hiram
johnson stood, we can tell you; if
you ask us where WoodrowWilson
stood, we can tell you-Sut where
does Cox and Harding stand ?
Echo answers, where ? II you ask
what position the two platforms
have taken on the wet and dry
question-we can't answer. We
know where William J. Bryan
stands, and we know where Gov
ernor lowden stood but where
does Harding and Cox stand !?
Echo answers, whereof Who knows
where Cox or Harding stands on
the big question Of Alaska devel-
opment-so important to this
growing state? We doubt if eth
er Cox or Harding was ever in the
state of Washington. What stand
will these men take on the re-
clamation of desert lands-did
either of them ever cross the
rocky mountains, and actually see
an irrigated tract of land 2 We
wot not. And yet one of these
men is to be president-frst man
in a nation of 110,000,000-for
at least four years.
1t is a choice between boil and
a northumberland the independent
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1920-07-08
Vashon.Maury Islands: The choicest
territory between Seattle and Tacoma.
ECHO ANSWERS "WHY?'

We were asked Tuesday morn
ing by hardheaded Portage bust
ness man why both of the great
political parties selected com
mon, ordinary, provincial politi-
clan for the presidential election
that is now on. Echo answers
why 2 The largest nation on
earth The richest nation on
earth The most advanced nation
in industry, commerce, and inven-
ton on earth And a candidate
for the most important Office on
earth vested in two accidental
politicians who hold office, and a
third man who is now in the pen
itentiary
No, the News-Reeord doesn t
knock. 1t was never known to
knock. Neither are we soured on
life, like Thomas Carlyle was sour
ed, when he declared his political
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1920-07-08
FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT

When Shakespeare makes one
of his characters in "Romeo and
Juliet ask What in a name :"
the question was evidently forgot
ten by the Frisco convention-as
they named a relative of Theo-
dore, the strenuous, for second
place on the national ticket
Franklin Roosevelt. Young Roose-
welt has been assistant secretary
of the navy for several years, is
a very highly educated gentleman
according to Who's Who, and if
he should be elected this fall, it