Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1920-12-30
GRIDIRON POLITICAL JOKES
Public Men and Questions Dealt With
Humorously at Famous
Banquet

The following is taken from the re-
port of the noted annual Gridiron Club
banquet at Washington. The Grid
iron Club is an organization of PROM
inent newspaper men in Washington,
and their annual banquet attracts the
leading men of all parties. The re-
port is as follows:
A crystal gazer, robed and bespan-
gled according to the best accepted
traditions Of Cagliostro, with his mag
ic globe, was introduced and told to
proceed with his impish tricks. Some
preliminary clouds in the crystal, at
tributed to the apprehended presence
Of Senators Borah and Hiram john
;on, pcrtends of trouble, vanished and
the cry..eal began to reveal its secrets.
president Harding sends the
League of Nations to the alien pro-
perty custodian" was the first reve-
:ation. And next, president Har-
ding sends to the Senate the names
of two men for the committee on
/ ASOA 'so"nASOI u IhCI anu James
M. Cox" The globe registered much
excitement, not to say consternation:
The President appoints a regular
railroad man on the Interstate Com
merce Commission. All railroads are
70 put on extra cars after March 9th,
as heavy exodus from Washington,
especially to the South, is expected. !"
"By executive order," the gazer con-
;inued, "'The Gar Spangled Banner
must be sung hereafter in the Depart
.nent of Labor without German or
Russian accent. By order of the new
President, the Secretary will ex-
change copies of The New Freedom
md THE Life Of Napoleon Bonaparte'
N the White House library for copy
Of the Constitution of the United
States. The White House statistician
:epor5s that despite all contradictory
:umors, Senator Borah did mention
Senator Harding's name twice in the
ampaign." So the gazer continued,
playing upon men and affairs to the
lelectation Of the company until final
Y he was asked:
"Who will be the Colonel House of
he new administration
"Uncle Sam," was the prompt
retort, as he departed with his globe.
| Local Items
| Between courses two members of
he club read some personals" and
village gossip from the local news
paper. Here are some of the items
If interest:
"Jim Watson, who was present
when it happened, says the way Uncle
Joe Cannon broke his arm was shak-
ng hands with four queens at once.
Several of our best-known resi-
dents contemplate joining the movies
about March. -.
GAL. Burleson will return to Texas,
but will be in no hurry about reach
ing home. He will go by mail.
"Josephus Daniels will soon be
treading the quarterback of the News
Observer again, as the admiral of the
fleet phrased it, sitting in his sanctum
aboard the flagship.
mitch Palmer will resume his reg
ular vocation of keeping Boise Pen
rose eliminated from Pennsylvania
policies.
Secretary of Commerce Alexander
thinks he may give up private life for
2 public career.
"Bob La Toilette says he fears the
Republican majority in the Senate
after March 4th is going to be bit
unwieldy. 4-
Barney Baruch Sundayed with us
and went back home. Barney's visits
to our midst are growing shorter and
shorter.
"House painters are playing their
handiwork on the British embassy ex-
terrier on Connecticutsp avenue. Ye
scribe asked the policeman on the cor
ner what color they were going to
paint it and he replied: Green, I
think
"Joe Tumulty attended the Gridiron
dinner Saturday night and thought
the jokes hitting off the Republicans
were very good.
"Col. Bill Bryan was a recent Wis
itor. Bill, who was always of an op-
timistic temperament, thinks that
prohibition will come sooner or later.
"'Are your parents living?' asked
Justice McReynolds of 12-year-old
Johnny in Juvenile court the other
day. Mother is living replied john
,,, IEo+hor 10 Doynncraf ~