davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
WANTED ONLY MINOR CHANGE
Youth Had No Desire to Interfere With
the Existing Chronological
T System, Only

Ten p. m. There was lot to do
at the office. and. DESPITE the lateness
Of the hour, the staff still at work.
The head Of the firm looked sternly
at the young man over his gold-rimmed
glasses. Then:
$50 you've complaint to make, have
you?" he asked fiercely.
mot exactly complaint, SIR" said
the other, 'but there's just one little
matter about which l should like to
speak to you."
Il gave. you more money the other
day." growled the chief. "What's It
you want this time? Shorter hours
eh?"
"Oh, nO-n0 sir! do not feel it In.
cumbent on me, l assure you, in any
way to tamper with our present quite
excellent chronological system. For
my part, I am perfectly content that
the hours should retain their present
length. All wish is-er-fe~er Of
them as applied to my daily period Of
work. ."-Houston Post.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
SENATOR HAD DONE MUCH
Surely Any Fair-Minded Man Would
Admit He Had Been Reason.
ably Busy In Good Work.
dayor Lunn of Schenectady said at

Mayor Lunn of Schenectady said at
q luncheon:
1.-THE machine candidate, the ma
chine politician-why do we always
support him?
IA machine candidate got elected to
the senate. Six months went by.
Then John Citizen met one morning
the boss who had put the machine
candidate in.
"'Senator Swank,' sneered John
Citizen, promised US great things if
we'd elect him, but what's he done?
I ask you-what's he done?
"'What's he doneY yelled the boss.
Why, he's got himself made special
counsel for the railroad trust, the
light trust and the food trust, he's
bought himself a town house and a
country seat, and he's started In col
lecting old masters. That's what he's
done, darn it-and all in six months,
too"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

BY way of conclusion it is earnestly
recommended that a little time be
given to learning how to put on chains.
It was the experience Of the writer
that what at first was a faborfous
and bungling process became after a
couple Of trials matter Of seconds
only, with the result that "at the first
drop Of rain" the chains 60 on, as
they should.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
DYE RIGHT
Buy only Diamond Dyes

Each package Of Diamond Dyes"
contains directions so simple that any
woman can diamond-dye worn, shabby
skirts, waists, dresses, coats. gloves,
stockings sweaters, draperies every.
thing. whether wool. silk. linen, cotton
or mixed goods. new, rich fadeless col
ors. Have druggist show you "Dia-
mond Dyes Color Card."-Adv.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
New Crop.

She had been visiting on a farm
know it. Her companion also, appar-
emily, had seldom been off the brick
streets.
"And how is the corn this year?"
the companion asked.
"Doing just fine," was the reply,
''but the alpaca needs irritating, Mr..
Brown said."
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Afraid Of the Classics.

"A farce comedy recently opened in
New York with the title '''The Mer-
chant Of venusw The critics praised
1t and it was apparently destined for
q long run, but despite the fact II was
in the smallest theater in. town very
small audiences came. The manager
discovered that people thought it.was
burlesque Of Shakespearean play.
He changed. the name to Because Of
Helen!" and the theater was filled ev-
cry night Observation-Disclosures Consti-
tuition.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
: - :. = n. - = - -.
ASPIRIN. !.
Name "Bayer" On Genuine

Beware! Unless you zee the D1vo
"Bayer"@ on package or on to ~ M
are not getting genuine Asp
scribed by physicians for tH' -
years and proved safe by mill
Take Aspirin only as told in the Bay "a
package for Colds, Headache, Neufal-
gia, Rheumatism, Earache, Toothache.
Lumbago, and for Pain. Handy tin
boxes Of twelve Bayer Tablets Of As
pirin cost few cents. Druggists also
sell larger packages. Aspirin is the
trade mark Of Bayer Manufacture oe
Monoaceticacidester Of Sa)icylica:id.
ADV.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
HAD The eR|iPP
EVERY WINTER
FOR YEARS
Nerves Were Unstrung, Had
Pains in Back. Took
Hypo-cod.
NOW FEELING. FINE

n suffered from . bronchial~ cough
and had caught the grippe every win
ter for years." declared Mr.. Flynn,
whose address is given helow.
my nerves were unstrung and run
down, and had pains in my back. !
secured a bottle Of Earle's Hypo- Cod
as a tonic to build me up. and after
taking one bottle I felt good, and had
great faith in it. l am now on the
fourth bottle, and feel stronger, have
no backache now, and am feeling
good for q man Of my age, 63 years
old.
II now recommend Earle's Hypo-
Cod because it done me so much good,
I would not be without it. recon-
mended 1t to a friend Of mine next
door to me that had the 'f1u.' He has
used bottle now, and he says It helped
him wonderfully" continued Mr..
Patrick Flynn, 3147 N. 23d st., Phila-
delphia.
For elderly people in a rundown
condition Earle's Hypo-Cod has no
equal, according to the many state
ments Of users who assert it does the
work so quickly, is So pleasant to
take, that it agrees with even the
weakest stomach. Druggists, chemists
and experts assert it is good, and If
given a trial we are sure you will be
more than pleased with results. Drop
in at the drug store tonight and ask
the druggist about it. Read the
formula plainly printed on the orange
colored carton. Take home bottle.
Earle's HypO-Cod is sold here by all
druggists, and the leading druggists in
all nearby tOwns.-Adv.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
A(y)U1@Nl@[s3O[l[5
MEMS @3a -

The generator should have a little
oil on its armature bearings.
If you smell rubber burning it is
time to get very busy and find the
short circuit.
One Of the greatest foes to gasoline
economy is the friction produced by
dragging brakes.
In 1896, the speed limit for automo-
biles in England was II miles an hour,
in Scotland, 10 miles an hour.
Weakening of the springs which
close the valves is common cause OF
faulty engine operation.
One Of the most satisfactory COM
pounds with which to spread the
leaves of the spring is made Of paraftin
and graphite mixed.
BY removing the wheel and band
and cutting out a short bit Of lining
under the anchor sQueaks may be
eliminated from the braking system.
A mixture of ten parts Of iron FL
ings with three parts Of chloride OF
lime mixed to paste with water
makes an admirable pipe joint cement.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Gods Minute.

Don't you touch the edge Of the
great gladness that Is in the world,
now and then, in spite Of your own
little single worries? Well. that's
what God means: and the worry il
the interruption. He never means
that II You are glad for one minute
In the day, that is His minute: the
minute He means, and works fora.
D. T. Whitney. ~
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Safe SpeechmakinQ.

did you lose your voice while you
were making speeches?"
NO." replied Senator Sorghum. II
applied my new system Of speechmak-
ing. First let the chairman Of the
reception committee take all the time
he wanted to introduce me. Then
after every two or three sentences I'd
mention the name of Our Candidate
and let the audience consume most Of
the time in cheering"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
, Preshen a Heavy Skin

Preshen Heavy Skin
With the antiseptie, fascinating CUT
cura Talcum Powder, an exquisitely
scented convenient, economical face,
skin,. baby and busting powder and
perfume Renders other perfumes su-
perfuous, One Of the Cuticura Toilet
Trio (Soap. Ointment Talcum).-Adv.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
H0wsa This?

do what we claim for it-cure Catarrh or
Deafness caused by Catarrh. We do not
claim to cure any other disease.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE Il q
liquid. taken internally, and acts through
the blood upon the mucous surfaces of
the system, thus reducing the inflamma-
ton and restoring normal conditions
All Druggists. Circulars free.
J. ]. Cheney + Co.. Toledo, Ohio.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

Slow down at railroad crossings. Do
not attempt to coast across the tracks.
Always look both to the left and right
before getting on the tracks. rs
Owners Of small motor cars in
France will have imposed through q
new tax bill levies totalling 951 francs
(normally $780,
Take extra precautions to be care
ful when children are playing along
streets or highways. They are thouglt,
len ana irresponsible, go
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
A Shock.

"They had beefsteak for breakfast"
'The idea. I don't know how any
body can eat beefsteak at breakfast
time"
II can understand that, but fancy
being able to afford steak for break
fast"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
BEsl'aEIll0PTo
ARRANGE CHAINS.
Often Happens That Car Owner
is Not Sufficiently Acquaint-
ed With Method.
SOME PRACTICE ESSENTIAL
Process Can Be Lear1ed Rapidly and
Then it Won't Be Necessary to
Take Chance When Streets and
Pavements Arc Wet.


Very often it is only that the auto
mobile owner is not sufficiently ac-
quainted with the method Of attaching
chains to put them on that causes him
10 take a chance when the street or
pavement is wet. Unless the method
Of attaching chains is practiced a bit
1t IS Gn awkward process, and as sucn
an automobilist rather than spend
number OF minutes fumbling with what
he considers to be badly fitting at
tachments will run along and may
meet with serious accident.
The first couple Of times that chains
are put on it may take considerable
while to do it, and the, motorist may
even believe, although he has the in
dicated size for his tires, that the
things are not Of the right dimension.
A little practice, however, will make
attaching chains a matter Of only
moment or so, and this Is time that
anyone can well afford to spend.
The best way is to lay the chains
over the wheel with the hook part
toward the rear and tuck in the other
end snugly underneath the wheel in
front, as shown here:
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
The Spiritual.

It does not occur to MS how natural
the spiritual IL. We stu strive for
some strange, trapscendent thing; we
seek to promote li16 by methods as un-
natural as they prove unsuccessful ;
and only the ute lnconhpr rehenability
d the whole region ptevSats rs Gee
ilg sEhat we already half suspect
nv eonpla lael ~ ~ nis1ir1 -
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
What the Doctor. Did.

Browns little one was ailing and
on his way to work he sent up the
doctor. When he got home in the eve
ming he asked her what the doctor had
said. .t-ltse.a. 4.tt -1
Nothing, papa" -
'Then what did he do, dearY
. "Oh, he just telephoned me all over"
was the child's reply. !
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Rei,ance.

II place my faith in the United
States Constitution" remarked Sena-
tor Sorghum. A.
yet you must admit that there are
disorders in our social system"
Nothing serious. With a strong
constitution your system Is bound to
come out all right"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
An Obscure Knock.

A knock difficult to locate is some
times caused by one Of the pistons
touching shoulder in the top Of the
cylinder because the packing between
cylinder and crank case has been worn
thin.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
lmpenitenk.

II understand you wasted al lastt
night at the card table," ......
II can't sense 1t that way" re1Dined
Piute Pete. II won over forty 81
lars"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Zero In Fascination.

Personally we don't know any kind
of merchandise that looks less fasci-
mating than o hair switch In show
windoW.-DallaS News.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

True,

why don't you try to become
wiser?"
"Whats the use? A man always
seems to become sadder as he gets
WISER"
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

An electric signal
the w.
When the driving night desires
tends his which
caution" a target.
The
operated BY
complete battery Ledger
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Removing Stubborn Nut.

A nut that refuses to be moved In
the ordinary course may generally be
started BY heating an open-end wrench
which fits the nut and letting It rest
thereon for few u1inut9R
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

When both chains are in position
thus, the car is started and run ahead
only a foot or so. This pulls the part
Of the chain that is tucked in under
the front wheel taut and leaves some
extending beyond the point where the
wheel touches the ground. It also
tightens up the hook end SO that the
second position is as follows:
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

A counterfeit coin may be lead, but
Il is hard to push.
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11
Couldn't FORGET

C0U10n'S f0TV0G
'Codger. is an ldrfashioned cuss,
isn't he?" remarked Blinks.
"He sure q, "Sagreed Binks. "Why.
he. still refers to woman as the weak
or sex" ~ ai !,
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

Constipation generally lnAlca&ee dtserdere4
stomach, liver and bowola. Wrig6t'o lnAlan
Vegetable Pills restore regularity vtt6oue
g11plng.-AdV;s - se+f
Middletown transcript., 1920-12-11

eore 1yss, .slood-shet DyeaL Wa&sfy 1yea,
Sticky Eyes. all healed promptly with night.
n applications Of Roman Eye Balsam.-Adv.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
ANCIENT AND MODERN NAMES
Applications Lack the Euphony
Of the OIden Times.

Speaking Of New England names.
the genealogical columns of the Tran
script are indeed a standing proof
that the seventeenth and eighteenth
century names possessed much more
Of snap, flavor and euphony than our
twentieth century names possess.
Pick up the genealogical depart
ment at random-any day-and you
will find such fine and resonant names
as Betsey Keyes, Patty Holbrook. Su-
sanna Gates, Polly Arnold, Darius
Dewey, Prudence Rand, Thankful
Sawyer, Thankful Newcomb, Hannah
Pike, Deborah Clark, and Jonathan
Rich-all of which are from one re-
cent column. It is true that the same
column contains names which are not
exactly euphonious, and are indeed
rather hard nuts to crack; these, for
example: Leafy Bullard-a woman !;
whence the name Of Leafy-Hatsel
Higgins, Sparrow Higgins, Abigail
Nash, Zeruiah Jewel, and Alley Lock
wood. In the previous number Of the
same department are found the names
Content Brown. Tabitha Holdredge.
and Keturah Bassett.
The Nomad once encountered in an
old book the name Of Camilla Scud-
der. Was there ever a swifter name
than that? And what about the name
Of Hepzibah Hathaway Of New Bed
ford, found in Emery's book On the
Howland Heirs?@The Nomad in Bos-
ton Transcript.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02

Threadingham, who kept telling about
his maiden aunt, Sarah, and how she
had left the money which had been
promised to him to a home for the chill
dren of drowned sailors. Again and
again he told me this story, and yet,
when the battle was over, he took his
| oath that he had never opened his
lips all day. AS to me, cannot say
whether I spoke or not, but I know
that my mind and my memory were
clearer than can ever remember
them, and was thinking all the time
about the old folks at home, and about
cousin Edie with her saucy, dancing
eyes, and De Lissac with his cats
whiskers, and all the doings at West
Inch which had ended by bringing us
here on the plains Of Belgium as a
cockshot for two hundred and fifty
cannon.
During all this time the roaring Of
those guns had been something dread
full to listen to, but now they suddenly
died away, though it was like the lull
In a thunderstorm when one feels
that worse crash is coming hard at
the fringe Of it. There was still a
mighty noise on the distant wing,
where the Prussians were pushing
their way onward, but that was two
miles away. The other batteries, both
French and English, were silent, and
the smoke cleared so that the armies
could see little of each other. It was
dreary sight along our ridge, for
there seemed to be just a few scat
tered knots of red, and the lines of
green where the German legion stood,
while the masses of the French ap-
peared to be as thick as ever, though,
Of course, we knew that they must
have. lost many thousands In these at
tacks. We heard great cheering and
shouting from among them, and then
suddenly all their batteries opened to-
gether with a roar which made the din
of the earlier part seem nothing in
comparison. It might well be twice as
loud, for every battery was twice as
near, being moved right up to point
blank range, with huge masses Of horse
between and behind them to guard
them from attack.
When that devils roar burst upon
our ears there was not a man down
to the drummer-boys who did not un-
derstand what it meant. 1t was Ma
poleon's last great effort to crush us.
There were but two more hours Of
light. and If we could hold our own
for those, all would be we'll. Starved
and weary and spent, we prayed that
we might have strength to load and
stab and fire while a man of us stood
upon his feet.
(To BE CoNTINUEDl
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
Tooth PuIIer's Bad Reputation,

"To lie like tooth puller" is in
LIE Roux de Lincy's Book of French
Proverbs" (Paris 1850, quoted from
the "Dictionary of the French Acad-
emy" (1S35). The tooth puller in
those days was often a wandering
mountebank who drew a crowd by tell
ing Rabelaisian stories and 'indulging
in horseplay. He sold quack medi-
cines, and, Of course, lied prodigfously.
Lannelongue's explanation of the orr
gin is more amusing, though it is so
circumstantial that it breeds suspi-
cion. Furthermore-and this is con-
clusive-''to lie like tooth drawer
is in Philibert Joseph LIE Roux's "Dic-
tionnaire Comique" Amsterdam 171S)
with this comment, "No one lies more
outrageously than a tooth drawer,
who promises not to hurt, which is
not possible" And lie Roux quotes
Poissons' one act play, "The Basque
Poet" (1668), "But all of you lie like
like tooth pullers."
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02


star would do If 1t
had to go to bed in a bed instead OF
In the sky where all night long it can
dream behind the clouds if it is q
cloudy night, or If it is fine night
we can beam and shine and keep wide
awake.
II simply cannot imagine what a star
would do If it wasn't in the sky. But
why do you seem SO amused at people
sleeping out-of-doors?"
"YOu cannot understand thatT
asked Mr.. Moon.
Il cannot understand it." said the
star, 'for Of all creatures I should say
you would be the last to be amused at
such a thing"
II am amused" said Mr.. Moon, 'sbe-
cause they think it is such lark and
such a treat. I've seen them down on
yonder porch getting ready to 60 to
bed and they're so happy about it.
They all simply love going to bed. And
they look up at me and say goodnight
to me, and oh, they are SO very happy"
"But does that amuse you?" asked
the star.
1T amuses me-" said Mr.: Moon,
because as I said they consider 1t
such a lark and such a treat. Now
here am and here you are and here
are the other stars and we're so used
to being out-of-doors at night that we
don't think It is any treat at all. OF
course we would be miserable II we
were indoors, but we cannot feel
being out-of-doors is lark because it
is where we always are. So they do
amuse me as they laugh over sleeping
out-of-doors and as they talk over the
great, great treat it is."
"Oh," said the star, II see now why
you are so amused"
"Did you know I had half birth
day party tonight?" asked the moon.
"A half birthday party? asked the
star. "What in the world is that?"
"Don't you know?" asked the moon.
The star blinked her ewes and shook
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
CHAPTER XIII.
The End Of the Storm,

OF all the things that seem strange
in that great battle, now that I look
back upon 1t, there was nothing that
was queerer than the way in which it
acted on my comrades. For some took
it as though it had been their daily
meat, without question or change, and
others pattered out prayers from the
first gun-fire to the last, and others
again cursed and swore in a way that
was creepy to listen to. There was
one, my own left-hand mate, Mike
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
MANY Shades Of Opinion.

"Hiram," said Mrs. Corntossel, you
haven't said anything about politics
lately"
whats the use?" rejoined her hus-
band. mo matter what happen to be
thinking, I know that somebody else
is saying it just as emphatically as
could say it, and with much bigger
audience than I could command"
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
Honesty.

Honesty is not the best policy. It
isn't any kind of policy. It's a virtue
practiced for its own sake without re-
gard for profits. Those who refrain
from stealing because thieves end in
jail are not honest. They are merely
discreet-Robert Quillen in Saturday
Evening Post.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
WillinQ to Double It.

Bobby (aged six)-Please give me a
nickel, Uncle Jack.
Uncle Jack-Why. little pal, l
thought you were too big to beg for
q nickel.
Little Bobby-That's so, Uncle
Jackie. Make 1t q dime.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
Bearing False Witness.

A little girl at Sunday school. being
asked what 1t meant to bear false wit
ness against ones neighbor. replied:
ut is when nobody hain't done nothin'
and somebody. goes and tells It."
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02

"Why 9 h ul d
that amuse you?"
asked q little
star. "Don't you
like to sleep out?"
"Ha, ha !" laugh
ed Mr.. Moon. II
should say / did"
"Then why does
it amuse you that
others should like
to sleep Out?"
asked the little
star. 1--WE all like
to be outdoors.
We would be
wretched inside.
In fact I cannot
imagine what a
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
The Excuse.

"Yes, my husband was downtown
very late last night"
"What excuse did he have to offer?'
"A ten dollar bill. / accepted it,"
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
"Great Expectations"

Should people, it is asked, sleep at
the theater? No. They should hard
ly expect to get bored and lodging as
well.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02

It's better to smile and be q villain
than never to have smiled at all.
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02
DADDf} EVENING
k3EA|RY TALE.
HALF.BIRTHDAY.
81 ndV GahaH
. Bonner @JAs'.o@s

1T does amuse me-" said Mr.. Moon.
''the way people love to sleep out
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02

her head. II don't
know, Mr.. Moon.
I've never heard
Of a half birthday
party before"
"Well," said Mr..
Moon, ''you see
that I am q half
moon, toni g h t
don't you?"
"Yes,'" said the
star.
"And before I
came ont this
evening I put ON
my red robe
which l wear on
my birthdays-or
the days 4 call my
birthdays just as
Mr.. Sun wears his
Middletown transcript., 1920-10-02

on his birthdays. I didn't wear it as
usually discovering myself with it
but L just draped it or hung it near
me so I would get the glow of the
color. And as I'm only half moon
these nights of course call birthday
at this time my half birthday.
''Do you see nOw?"
The star was shaking with laugh
ter.
"Of course, I see now, Mr.. Moon.
how stupid of me not to have under
stood before"
"And," said Mr.. Moon, "that is
something can have that all creatures
can't have. A child can't have a half
birthday for a child is never a half
child.
"That is where Mr.. Moon has a sort
of birthday no one else has,"
SWELL" said the star, "maybe chill
dren are glad they don't have half
birthdays for half-birthdays might
mean half presents and I'm sure they
wouldn't like that so much.'
"True, true" said Mr.. Moon. "Yes, I
fancy it is just as well only Mr.. Moon
has half-birthdays for Mr.. Moon wants
no presents. only he wants smiles from
grOwn-ups and children and twinkles
from his friends, the stars"
you'll have all of those things a
ways" said the star.