The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-06-08
Euin Cobb Says 1t Is Pitiable to See Women
 EmuLating Politicians
Never Before Has He Seen Such Quiet Lstles then thusastic Convention-Suggests Some Possible
 Causes for Republican Lethargy
By IRWIN S. COBB

Causes for Repu
 By IRWIN s. COBB
 Chicago, June 7.-(SpeciaL Jon the day before a national convention starts the main difference between the morning and the delegates stand around on the bot toms of their feet, and, in the afternoon, they stand around on the sides of their feet turning them up on edge like flat irons. Late at night they walk on their hands up to bed.
 There are 5O.OOO persons here for the convention, including candidates, or 45,5O0 if one leaves out the candidates; and, in all Chicago today, just nine seats were available for their use, and Senator Jim Watson of Indiana was oc- cupying two of them.
 If our insteps hold out, the convention may last until Saturday, but if our col lective arches begin to fail as rapidly as I expect them to fail, we will ad- journ along about Thursday night and the rest of the summer in rolling chairs.
 WOMEN AS POLITICIANS
 Maybe it is pedal wearness which
 
 has heralded this day; maybe it is the coming of prohibition, which is being so strictly enforced here this week, that often a thirsty man has to walk nearly two blocks before finding place where he may buy drink. Maybe it is the presence for the first time of women figuring as active participants in a con- vention, and by the way, it is indeed a pitiable sight to observe a tender nurtured, cultured gentlewoman trying to accustom herself to wearing her hat on one side and talking confidential shriek out of one corner of her mouth the same as an orthodox male delegate does.
 Maybe it is any one of these things or perhaps it is because even the pro- fessional politicians are beginning to realize that the American public, re- gardless of party utilization, is getting sick and tired of so much politics and so little business in the carrying on of the government. But be the true cause what it may, the great outstanding fact is that never before in the recollection of your correspondent was there assem- bled anywhere on this continent con vention crowd so quiet, so lfstless, so utterly lacking in surface enthusiasm, so utterly devoid of hurrah.
 SHOULD BE SHOUTING
 Whether genuine or of the synthetic or manufactured variety now, one might naturally expect something dl1ieren. considering that, from the standpoint of federal patronage, the, republican party has endured eight lean and hungry years By now it should be merely one large organized appetite, with it's mouth water ing and it's gastric juices rising and fall ing in eager anticipation like unto the sides of the sea. It should be saDoundlng kt> hv-id lodf mt siasm.
 By all these tokens, it's delegated cohorts. it's chosen representatives, on the eve of the beginning of the conven- tion should be rushing to and ITO, ut- tering shill famished cries; brass pands should be praying in every hotel loppy' glee clubs should be assassinating songs and rondelays; marching clubs snouia be roaring through every downtown street.
 MAY BE CONFIDENT
 Mighty little of this sort of thing IS visible to the naked eye It may pc that the republicans are so cohliosn' of the November outcome that they oe- cline to get all worked up thus far in advance -
 If may be because republican dele gates are so used to standing hitched that they just naturally decline to nlcKer and cavort and kick up their lheeis even when the hands of the old guard leaders are seemingly lifted from the reihs' as in the present instance. It may De pe- cause of the defse and unfathomaple opauueness of the uncertainty regarolns the choice for the head of the ticket. put be the proper explanation what IL may truth compels an honest reporter to state that all through this blue Monday noun ing exciting continued to happen.
 Nothing happened in rapid success sion from dewy morn until bituminous nightfall had descended upon board and awning city. Why any stghtseer would travel many dusty leagues on crowded train to witness scenes Ike those today presented to the casual eve may only be accounted for on the same morbid grounds which, III 1he days before the movies became popu- lar inspired the inhabitants Of small towns to flock to the funerals Of utter strangers.
 As for the delegates, the majority of them spent the dragging hours try ing to find out from the newspaper men who the nominee would be- Al & o'clock this morning I was eating one of those condemned mans break lasts. such as dieticians deplore and sheriffs used to provide in the old days before the electric chair came into vogue, A new York delegate drifted up to the table and asked me who would be nominated So l told him. During the forenoon eighteen more delegates asked me the same question and to each promptly I made answer Right through the afternoon kept on telling delegates who would be nom mated, in each case for the sake of variety giving a different name until I had run out of names.
 Finally patience ceased to be vir- tue. With my bare hands have just killed the twenty seventh delegate who asked me who would be nominated, However. the crime probably will not be discovered for weeks and weeks. for I have taken care to hide the body in a deserted spot. I have hidden 1t in the Hoover headquarters.
 SOME COBB OBSERVATIONS
 In the absence of othodox news crave leave of the reader to finish out my allotted space with a few bulletiss on incidents picked up from time to time during the day, as follows:
 Not single woman delegate has been observed in the act of splitting at a crack in the marble flooring of hotel lobby. One fears that constitu- tionally women are not fitted for .prac-' tical politics.
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