The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1920-04-08
MIKA TILLTCUM
BACK In PARADISE

Editor Glacier: Place. Oakland, CAL. i.
depot waiting room time, 8 D. m.,
March A. The train cryer announces
the train and numerous way points.
The passengers, who have been wait
ing with long faces and silent mein.
take new lease on life and suddenly
become all animation. They grab their
hand bags and swarm out. like it was
bargain. day at some department store
and they were afraid there wouldn't be
shirt waists or what-nots enough to go
around. Soon all are aboard and every
one to his allotted coach, as per his
ticket. Arriving in our sleeper we find
that the porter has the berths on one
side made up already. AS had been
on one of these sleeping cars before
knew those cubby holes were hunks
and not managers, 80 by emulating the
example of my ancestor, the cave man,
| knew how to adapt myself to circum-
stances. BY crawling on all fours | had
very little difficulty in getting under
the sheltering ewes. | breathed
prayer of thanksgiving that old Snar-
eyowe. the snoring snoozer. WAS not
with US this trip. The night seemed
bright with promise and my heart
"chortled" like flock of birds singing
in the spring. Soon | would be lulled
and soothed by the cars, every little
motion just like mother used to dandle
and jiggle me when had the collie. At
last we pass under the wire and are off
and our destiny trembles in the bal.
ance. This part of the road seems
comparatively smooth; they must have
ironed the wrinkles out since passed
over it before. At last old Morpheus
with gentle fingers presses down my
eyelids and sleep to dream of mead
ows and clover blooms, for | thought
was in paradise or Hood River, and the
sun shone brightly and through the
trees it filtered mellow light that fell
on the grass and flowers like a mantle
of golden lace. The birds were singing
sweet tly and | could hear Hope sweetly
singing and there were posies here and
farther on. Then there came clouds
and squalls like the ideas of mother
in law, and thought nightmare had
kick ed me on the undulating rotundity
of my sVlphlike form, and | awoke and
wa all heaped up against the dash
board of my tossabout, and the next
thing ! knew | was sloshed up against |
the headboard, was "wavered and
tossed by every wind that blew.
My index toe persisted in its en-
deavor to stub holes in the footboard |
and if successful it might have twined |
itself in Who's Who's hair. Ny head |
that always was too soft TO drive |
seemed to think it was catapulting |
battering ram and repeatedly charged |
the human tight compartment that sep |
arated me from, who knows what?
Just then | heard the porter pussy
footing up the aisle and stuck out my |
we'll foot and waved an S. o. S. adown |
the glimmering gloom. but evidently |
he was not versed in sign language. for |
he merely swatted it with pillow
sham and was passing on as though it
was nothing in his young life. or as
though | was not iaving difficulty, but |
| tackled him by the coattal and |
MIXED off a brass button for souve
mir and asked him If 1t was a very bad |
wreck. He says, 18th, res no wreck, |
sub; they iust stopped to pick up a
milk can for the dinah. He said the |
engineer had been cowboy once and
when the brakes did not seem to bring !
the train TO stop quick enough he
would swarm out with his lariat and
jump astride the engine. stick his spurs
in and when he caught up TO the next
stump he Woud lassO 1t and snub her
up.
Dad dat his old skin. anyhow. He
must think he's Lasisker chasing devils
over the purple sage. If they are 60
ing 10 shunt me back and forth all
night like a clock pendulum so | will
tick once second, wish they would
put me on rollers 80 there would be
less friction. | II bet that in the morn
ing they will find out that someone's 8
spine tooth saw has worn out all tn 4ir
blamed old bedding and maybe some
one in the morning will find out that
their blamed old bedding has skinned |
all the peeling off of their blamed old
hide. Great Scott I've used the word |
blamed" three times, but | find no
other word hts in and emphasizes what |
| have to say so nicely without swear
ing and whiting.
I'm losing faith in these old pigeon
toed, fiat footed, knock kneed sleeping
derelicts. Next time | travel / m
tempted to take chair car and sleep |
sitting like a setting hen. Morning |
comes and I'm neither dead nor sleep |
ing. We are out here in southern Ore
gOn, where the tie ends are SOU rting |
beautiful curves of aqua firma and woe
unto the rubber necked rube who has
drifted in from the back country to see
the steam cars go by with tooter on
their pulier. If he is within range he
will need to go to the cleaners But
why generalize? If one wishes TO get
the kernel out of the Joys of life he
will have to crack the nuts.
Culius Fabricus,
BY Mika Tilllcum.