South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-12
HASLAGES TO MOMUS
By o. Henry

friends send up The dust In the
meantime We are gentlemen the
same u.s. you. And II you give US
your WORD not 60 try Co escape. the
freedom nl the camp is yours
~ give you my word says the
colonel
-Au right says 7. 'and now it's
ii O'Clock. and me and air. Polk
wu proceed 90 iuoculate the oc-
CASTOR with few weII-timed triv-
ia.i.les iu the line Of grub
Thank YOU. says the colonel. Il
believe could relish slice Of ba-
con and plate of hominy."
"But you WON'T says / emphatic.
Not ion this camp. We soar I'm high
err regions than them occupied by
your celebrated but repulsive dish ="
While tho colonel read his paper.
me and Caligula took Of our coats
and went iu for 4 litJle luncheon
dc luxe just to show him. Caligula
was a fine cook of the Western
brand. TIe could toast a buffalo or
fricasee couple Of steers as easy as
woman could make "a cup OF tea.
lie was gifted in the way OF knock
ing together ediblcs when haste and
muscle and quantity was to be con-
s.lereJ Tie held the record west OF
The Arkansas river for frying pam
cakes with his left hand. broiling
/ venison outlets with his right and
skiunine "a rabbit with his teeth ut
/ the same time. But I could do things
/ on casserole and al IN creole, and
/ handle the oil and tobasco as gently
and nicely as a French chef
SO at II o'clock We had hot
T lunch ready that looked like ban
uuet on "A Mississippi river steam
/ boat We spread il on the rops Of
I two or three big boxes, opened two
/ quarts of the red wine. set the olives
and a canned oyster cocktail and a
/ ready-made Martini by the colonel s
plate. and called him to grub.
/ Colonel Rockingham drew up his
/ campstool. wiped off his specs. and
I looked at the things on the table
Then I thought he was swearing;
and 1 felt mean because I hadn't
taken more pains with the victuals
But ne wasn't: he was asking a blcs-
| sing; and me and Caiigula hung our
heads. and 1 saw a tear drop from
the cOlOEeIs eye into his cocktail
1 never saw man eat with Sc
much earnestness and application
not hastily, like a grammarian, OF
one of the canal. but slow and APP
preciative, like anaconda, or {
real vive bonjour.
In an hour and a half the colone
1 leaned back. / brought him a pom!
Of brandy and his black coffee. anC
set the box of Havana regalias OF
the table
Gentlemen" says he, blowing on
the smoke and trying 10 breathe i
back again. when we view th'
eternal hills and the smiling anC
benefiCent landscape, and reflec
upon the goodness Of the Creator
who"
Excuse me, colonel" says I. "bu
there's some business to attend {,
now" and I brought out paper an,
pen and ink and laid EN- befor'
him. who do you want TO send t,
for the money!" / asks
Il reckon" says he, after thinking
a BIT Ito the vice-president OF GU
railroad at the general Offices o
the company at Edenville."
How far is IL to Edenville from
here p" I asked.
About 10 miles" says he.
Then 1 dictated these lines, ant
Colonel Rockingham wrote then
out.
81 am kidnapped and held a pris
oner by two desperate outlaws in
place which ii is useless to attemp
20 find. They demand ten thousan,
. dollars at once for my release. TIL
, amount must be raised immediately
and these directions followed. Com
alone with the money 10 Stony creek
, which runs out of Blacktop noun
tains Follow the bed Of the creel
tin YOU come to a big flat rock OF
the left hank ON which is marked