The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1920-12-16

my head.
"Old Doolittle has been married a
long time, and he's got so used to be-
ing bossed by his wife that he doesn't
know what to do when she isn't
around. If you offered to lend him SIS
he'd say he'd have to consult Eliza
Jane about 1t. One time, when his
wife was away, visiting, he ate about
q peck Of green cucumbers, and the
collie shut him up like q folding bed.
1t was the worst case / ever saw. |
heard him yelling for the police, and
when / rushed e there and saw him
on the floor, with his feet clasped
across the back of his neck, / phoned
for a doctor at nee. We put him to
bed, and the agony that man endured
was s~ickening. And as he rolled
around there, expecting to go off the
hooks every minute, he kept saying,
What will Eliza Jane say when she
hears I called in d doctor?'
"After his wife came back, I was
over at their house one night, and she
roasted me to a crisp for sending for a
doctor. She said that if l had the first
instincts of a gentleman I'd pay the
bill, for l wasn't authorized to call in
a sawbones, and she didn't want one I'm
the house. Dooiittie sat there and
heard his wife roasting me until my
whiskers curled and, although he knew
the doctor saved his life, he never said
a word.
"After I left the house, he sneaked
out and overlook me-, and told me he
was sorry for what had happened, but
experience had taught him that it's no
use to butt in when his wife has the
door.
"Gooseworthy came over this morn
ing while ! vas feeding the cows, and
told me q tale of woe. His wife has
about five hundred female relations,
aunts and stepsisters and cousins and
such people, and she keeps the house
full of them all the time. He has to
sleep on a sanitary couch in the hall,
while his own feather bed is occupied
by an aunt who weighs about 400
pounds. He has a comfortable rocking
SAidll hC DOuSuI lOl llo OWh DItfulC
use, and now he never gets a whack
at it. His wife's step-sister, who
brought her tortoise-shell cat along, is
always using 1t. He said he vas get
ting plumb disguised with such a con-
dition of affairs, but he didn't know
what to do.
81 asked him why he didn't read the
authorized version of the riot act to his
wife, and tell her to ship all those rel
les out of the house. He seemed
shocked at the suggestion. You don't
know what you're talking about he
said. You've never been married.
THE queer thing about 1t is that
G~ooseworthy Is a great stickler for his
rights when he's away from home. He's
as sassy as a bobcat. and will fight at
the drop of the hat IL anybody tries to
impose ON him. He walks with-his
head back and his chest out in front of
him, but as sOon as he reaches his w
front gate he begins to look Sc blamed
abject that the ~neighbors pity him.
'"Then, there's old Major Sendof,
who distinguished himself on many a
crimson battlefield. He has courage
enough for three regiments. But he
married the Widow Bunkum a couple
Of years ago and she makes him do
the family washing, and hang the
clothes on the line, and / suppose he
does the ironing. too. / could tell you
| of O hundred such cases"
IL suppose you could" sighed the
professor, "but / don't care for sensa'
tional fiction"