The Washington times., 1920-01-03
HOW DOTH The HORN
OF MOTORNT ALARM?
Doth-snd Then Some, Says Peevet
Poetess and Inquiries the
Reason Why.

How doth the frsotioos hoter-Horn
Alan Pedestrians daily,
And sise their Nerves perpetual shoeAs
No. .ssriiy lie seslas TO srowl-
How mAdly shrieA Defiance
And. caring not for Curse or Seo~
Screams on. . Fearless Free Lance
Tee. he does-and they do-Almost
all Of them! But why must theyT
Why this mad desire TO outdo every
one-even In being a nuisance? lis IL
only another form OF making the eagle
scream2 Surely he has now attained
too great q dignity for thati
Let US look at the thing logically.
IL there 10 so much trAffic that tre-
mendous volume of sound Is necessary
TO be audible. then eveyone 10 on the
lookout. and horn Is needed only as
signal. And In q comparatively
quiet neigbborhood q moderate horn
sounds on our streets grow steadily
worse.
As A Dyisg Dfnessurtua-
The other day 1 was crossing q lit
tie alley. 80 narrow that . car could
scarcely pass. Ny thoughts were far
away. wandering amid such pleasant
nelds of dalliance as Boishevism. H.
c. L. New Art. and how to make q
two-year-old garment look like Ammo
Prohibition. 1919. Suddenly = scream
as Of a dying dinosaurius made me
leap three feet into the air and look
about for shelter from the suffering
monster. There. about . yard from
me. was q large blue eiEht-cylindcr
affair moving slowly out OF the alley
and the inoffensive looking occupants
seemed entirely innocent of any desire
to shorten my life through shock or
any other meana
Such Q horn must surely defeat it's
own object. It's voice should suggest
that sort of gentle adminitory cough
with which one prsfaces ones en-
trance of q room occupied by a
courtinE couple" a. this: "Ahem.
Please let me pass! Or thus! sAhem!
Ahem! SO sorry to hurry your Or
again: "Ahem! Ahsm! Ahem! II you
will cut corners how can tell what
to dol" or course. II must be capable
of firmness, In this manner: Child
rem! Don't run across the road In
front OF me!" but not stun or startle
let loose
TIE Lest TlnkleJTfakle.
No longer can we hear the pleasant
tinkle-tinkls Of the bells on the
harness OF the draft horses. that
sprinE-like sound that once greeted
us when windows first stand open,
and brought remembrances OF Naples
and Palermo. The few remaining
hucksters seldom attempt to make
themselves heard, nor the mellow
bugle of the scissors-grinder. Day is
pandemonium-and SO is night. rise
a cry of protest against being reused
out OF my much-needed beauty sleep
by the war-crp Of an enraged
fchthyosaurus or the groans Of a
wounded hippopotamua
II II were really necessary. I'd be
the first to cry: go to II, old thing!
Though II mean a short life and a
deafened one to met! But when 1t be-
comes . mere competition in Noise
making II seems time to pause and
consider. Besides, isn't II against the
law? Not that that should be let to
interfere with any innocent oppeu air
sport such as loud horns, open muf-
flers, binding lights and so on, But
as man to man, by all the laws OF
esthetics and the Golden Rule, when
about to acquire an atrocity in horns,
! adjure you. in the words of Punch"
to the old man about TO marry a
young giri-DONT!-Helen Perimon
in Maryland Motorist