The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-04-09


it is, and the Texas Tommy" sounds just
the same to me as a Methodist hymn on a
rainy Sunday.
Oh, don't get me wrong; haven't done
anything Bryan wouldn't, but you know
wine amt all. No! When ! get sick OF
common sense, you never see me melting
my brains with high balls and such like, do
you? You do not. Cause why? Cause /
got a habit that can lose me more friends
quicker and make me sadder and sicker
sooner than lots of quarts. I keep company
with other peoples troubles.
I felt one of them sympathy jags coming
on me two weeks ago, and put up battle
to keep it of / acted mean to everybody
for days and slapped q whisky drummer
for calm me "kiddo''-"kid'' Il all nice
and friendly. but think 'kiddo" is familiar
and insulting, don't you? ! rowed with the
boss and gave all my regular patrons
crouch. but it was no use. My sympathy
was ripe and ready to pick. ] was due TO
get soused on other peoples trouble, and
the brand didn't matter much.
Freddie Van Sicklen mixed me my first
earful Of the deadly stuf-a cocktail of woes
that would have made a stone lion cry all
over the front steps. Freddie Van Sicklen!
Sounds like an apartment house, don't 1T
All Freddie had was an uncle, and that
was enough. Seems like all the uncle had
was enough money and Freddie; and Fred
die was too much. So the old man sent him
out here to Seattle. ito absorb the virility
and frontier spirit of a new and growing
country" That's the excuse Freddie told
me uncle gave him.
But Freddie put one over on the old man.
He absorbed the same brand Of virile spirits
out here that he'd had an appetite for on
Broadway. Travel never does get a bottle
Gend a change of scenery. does it2 Ma
hogany and white apron, with lots Of red
face and thin glass for a background, looks
just about the same in all ATTITUDES.
Freddie was one of these rough and ready
kind of fellows; meet any sort Of emer-
gency, you know. He didn't have to stay
in bed if his valet got sick. N-o-o-o! He
could put on his clothes himself, II neces-
sary; sit right down on the spur Of the
moment and figure out which shoe went on
which foot. Inventive cuss!
He made his home here in the hotel. He
made a real home of 1t. That Is to say, he
was here less than most any place else ex-
cept church and his Office. I'd have to 90 to
night school to figure out how small frac-
ton of Freddie's life home was. 1t was just
an address for him and his mail to be sent to;
a place where people brought him when he
was too far gone to tell them where he'd
rather be taken.
And he had way with women. Yes! It
was wide and long and paved with check
stubs set on edge. He had large STAFF to
pick and choose from, but he never did.
When he was sober enough to see he was
too busy getting soused to make selection;
and when he was WOODY enough to be senti-
mental he couldn't see well.
A woman didn't need to be good looking
TO land Freddie; all she needed to be was
first, He was a fish, but he thought he was
q hook and line He used to stand in front
Of the mirror and wonder and wonder what
the girls saw in him. ! didn't blame him.
But all women were just part OF his ex-
n.rse To him, mere incidents, until he met
Miss Marsh, and she was an explosion. She
was one of these thin girls with a nice
mind. Shed found out the world was made
wrong. and she was always busy fixing 1t
over You know, she was one of these kind
that had It all figured out that II you'd eat
an annie between seven thirty and eight
every cloudy morning and breathe deep every
time you saw q black cat and white horse
IN the same block you could keep felons on
vorr right thumb. Something like that. She
was all eyes and hair, and she pined.
She came down from her room one after
noon on her way to some thought party
TO read a paper on "How to Feed the Poor
Without Giving Them Anything to Eat"
or something like that, and stepped out OF
the elevator right onto Freddie. Then she
stepped of him and hoped away and says:
'ob! How terriblel"
never yet saw a souse that wasn't proud
Of what he had aboard, but they play diff
ferept systems for calling attention to their
carsoe,. Some claim they're sober, some
tell you how Spilled they are and Freddie's
game was to apologize for being so stewed'
When the elevator boy lifted him up be be-
gan to cry and wave his arms.
'sTerr'ble!" be bawled. Goo woman
shee me tbish deplor' bic condition. Shame!
I'm n genl' man, an I'm 'shamed myself"