The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-04-04
By THOMAS L. stAssoN

 jump out of her skin But she mus have laughed at herself recently when the ticker people made a mistake and sent out the wrong news about supreme Court decision several millions changing hands in short hour.
 The Supreme Court decision was to the effect that stock dividends could not bf taxed by the government The tickers were badly rattled. and said that stock dividends could be taxed. By the time the mistake had been rectirled some peo- ule were a good deal richer and others good deal poorer The low mutfered curses which emanate from golf links when all four players get into DuhNei at the same time are as nothing at all to the sounds that rose from the Hix- change on the occasion of this Dlundef on the part of the ticSers- Madam Wal street nuttered to herself so loud tna' she could be heard clear across the continent and the abashed public-from which are recruited the numberiess lamps for Madam Wall streets luxurious table --blushed with shame to think it didn't even have Took in- during the pro- ceedings.
 There are a great many people who do not understand what Wall Street really is Some say it is & national vertfor1n eppenAix, and ought to be removed Others declare that it is an exhaust pipe and a necessary outletto keep tho ship of state from blowing up
 Wall street is a place where you can buy and sell something you haven't got with money that you don't see from peo- pie that you never meet. One man mods to another, and either you are broke, or you can go on buying real food.
 Nobody sits down in Wall street, yet the seats are worth about eighty thou sand cash. You buy one for the privi- lege of standing up and throwing fits The word broker is derived from broke. which means that the only time broker is broke is when he is not broker that is, when he becomes bull bear, or a lamb. As long as he does nothing but buy and sell for others, he is safe. No broker will admit that he does anything else. Yet most brokers do Many people also think that Wall street is branch of the Zoo In addition to the bulls the bears and lambs, they have sharks and wildcats. The animals are supposed to live on paper, and to ab- sorb large quantities of water. The pub lie is also the goat.
 It will be seen from this that Wall street is not always what it seems to be- It is not apparently respecter of persons, and yet it is undoubtedly truer 10 some than to others. It is moody, variable. ficA1e as a weather cock; and yet from hour to hour and from day to day, 1t declares it knows what every one is worth in dollars and cents, no matter how humble or remote that per son may be. It is affected by the clim- ate in Manchuria and the feeling of folks in India and Egypt--bear npon it's deci- sions. An atmospheric pressure over Ice land, or a stabbing affray in Bulgaria may, through Wall street, reach into the homes of America and send little chil- dren supperless to bed.
 A movement to abolish Wall street has long been contemplated by highly intelli- gent people. For one thing. Wall street is part of New York and it is generally felt that this leaves it open to grave sus- picions.
 If. however, instead of being restricted, it could be made to include millinery, ladies garments, shoes and hosiery, furs and jewelry and placed in charge of some lady as president, who had her. husbands S interest at heart, the process of saving this country from financial ruin might be put on a business basis.
 At present man may know at any moment how many shares of stock have been bought and sold for him. and how much he has won or lost but when he comes home at night his wife's financial Transactions eeaves him guessing. A. woman's Wall street. with the pricA of
 
 the joys of home life, besides lifting up the conversation of ladies to the high level of big business
 Two ladies would meet with the fol- lowing results.
 What do you think of Ostrich piumes preferrede''
 '.Trifle heavy Do you know any thing?"
 bought couple of beauties yester- day on margin. I'm looking for a big rise''
 T suppose you'll pyramid. But be careful and look out for a slump. Pa risien models second debenture stood me in for . ten-point loss: fortunatelx [ made good on a sport skirt sold short. But must say my dear, the market ful-
 Trust me for that But must give you piece of inside news. You know Bessie SmArtling. We'll, she tried to corner the market in husbands sack suits common. Suddenly, however. someone began big selling movement. the bottom dropped out and it will take her months to recuperate.
 Serves her right to bother with male mate offerings Men may have to ysop wearing clothes at any time, but even when women do stop they will buy them just the same.''
 Wall street. indeed, is but the mar rowest expression of a universal ac- tivity. Wall street expresses itself only in dollars and cents, but it stands as q representative of the, gambling instinct inherent in mankind. And the singular part of it is that the men who are en- gagged in it are quite largely philosophers. As an offset to the nervous strain of the exchange, they seek outside methods of mental tranquility. knew a broker devoted to the classics; another who has fine collection of Whistlers These gentlemen indeed rarely talk business. it 1 is only the so-called trader the man who "dabbhes'' whose conversation is 1 interlarded with shorts and sfutures,' | and ''tips' and private deals
 Human beings. old and~young. feelings. 1 sentiments, heart burningss jealousies, | loves and hates. are bought and sold | every day in the great human mart | Yet there is no accredited Wall street | of humanity as we'll there might be. ] If there were we might open our paper | in the morning and read our market ] letter in human values: Yesterday the market in human beings | reached to various influences, many of | them invisible and others more apparent {! Politicians were offered freely, vns svu and asked quotations being far apart: | toward noon there was a wide selling with little support, but ac- Il ccmpanied by later rallies resulting in l. substantial gains.
 Slums ruled firm, there being no ap- + \ kind of bread Is made along the II Columbia river by the Indians from a II mca that grows on the spruce fir H