Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1920-02-24

n W 61a1 o. Tn 6IDgWAIK

Aftar eonsiderabIs research ~ have found
cain To - tho frst bolshesik- Also he y aaad
Ia be the drst .humofist, ~ result o. having
oommitted matrtmony, thereby acquiring
mother-fn-law. But where did he ct hds wife?
-Iohenxrin and bear it, whispered the op-
timistic groom to the blushing bride, during
the ring ceremony.
Inoonsisteacje&
Most humoEists have faces - long - .
silk stocking.
ouaintance have faces. as round and shining
"a 4 harvest moon. There's . reason, Of course,
and one that's not hard to discover.
%
Rhythm Unexpected
"a IL Chicago News)
when mother tucks her in 4 night
And tells her happy dreams
Tho little maiden three months old
In perfect "sevenths" screemA
DO you keep = daryl" asked the man Of
letters Of his recent dinner guest
= "No, We sold all our cows with the sarm. !"
replied tho fair one.
Some trafnc cops We surely need
To put . stop to reckless speed.
o.
TO Avoid the Rush.
Last evening. cir, / distinctly saw my
daughter sitting in your lap. What explana-
ton have you to make!"
II got here early. sir. before the others"
(Judge)
In . recent daily we read an article pro-
testing against the practice which is imputed
to some OF the wet-wash laundries, that OF
md
We do not understand the objection. 1t would
seem to us that patrons would be glad not to
have the dirt charged up to them.
A Lachrymose Moment
THE high cost Of living is enough to make
one weep"
ut isn't necessary to do any copious weep
ing. "All that is necessary is to shed . few
proftee1s."
washington star)
Dear Sir: I am keeping company with q
young man who is terribly devoted to me, as
he a1lus brings me Chocolates and chewing
gum, also he takes me to the movies on Satur-
day mites but his hands are fright the nails
are black and he don't never clean from undel
them don't think now how kin I tell hin
| about his nails without making him sore at me
! so he won't never como back no more
SAD EYES"
We are sure the above letter was INTENDED
| for another department" Of our paper. More
over, being by temperament totally untitled t.
give adequate advice In such delicate matters
we are. so to speak, rather nonplussed. Oul
sympathies we feel bound to say, are with tn,
young man. 1t is our opinion that he is 81
preoccupied with the problems OF H. C. l. plui
the consuming fire Of his aforementioned de
votion, that he has neither time nor inclina
ton for such frivolities as manicures W.
would suggest that Sad Eyes," instead O
brooding over the crime, loan him her vanit,
case and perhaps assist him in using the same
It is rather too bad. we think, that one of sucl
tender sensibilities has become so finicky tina
the grand emotion.
"The Chicago American" says B. L. t. 'i
undergoing the operation of having its lin
ericks cut ort." Pooh. that's nothing. W
went through with that weeks and weeks age
and never felt better in cur lives.
Several prospective local bridegrooms ar
said to have become so frightened at the mer
thought of doing the dizzy act during thes
Gays of II. c. L. that they have sent out S. c
S. Apparently the wires have become en-
tangled with those of spirit transmission, O
telepathy; at any rate the victims are laid u
/ with acute neuritis.
Some folks education is so primitive tina
they have never learned that it is bad form
to show enthusiasm over anything
We were asked the other day if we approy
ed promiscuous kissing. Frankly we do no
Discrimination is one Of our hobbies