The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1920-04-22

rnE WEEKLY rIMEsREcoao.
within the past few days automobiles
have been taken from the vicinity of
the Normal school while the owners
were attending the programs given.
Some of the machines were badly
damaged while others were abandoned
in different parts of the city apparent
" none the worse for wear. We are
convinced that there are several per
sons in this city doing this vandalism.
People should be guaranteed some pro-
lection from this outfit. 1t has come
to pretty pass when the citizens of
this city cannot go to the Normal audi
forum or any other place to attend a
program or church without having
their automobile stolen. 1t it time a
halt was called on this business and If
possible the guilty parties should be
brought up before the authorities and
given a stiff Jail sentence. Lets hew
to the line" in these matters and pun
ish the guilty no matter who IS hit.
The city administration better take
steps to put an officer on to watch
these doings and try at least to cap
ture the guilty parties.
The baseball season is in full wing
now in the eastern and southern
states, but cold backward spring has
been the chief handicap here in, the
northern states. All the teams are
starting out confident Of securing the
pennant in their respective league or
associations this fall, but the mighty
will fall, and the plum which battle
SCARED hands are reaching for is as
liable to go to one as the other. AS
usual the club bosses and managers
are all confident of winning as indicat-
ed by some of their statements. Az
gust Hermann, president of the cham
pion Cincinnati Reds, who walked
away with the victory last fall from
Chicago SAYS: Manager Moran, as
is characteristic of him isn't making
any promises or predictions: But /
am optomistic. We have the same
team that won the championship last
year." Charles Comiskey, owner OF
the White Sox: Barring accidents !
expect to see the White SoX at the top
all the way through the season. we
have stronger pitching staff than
last year and the team is just as
strong in other departments.
There need be but little trouble to
figure out your income tax. In the
FIRST place, it must be worked out by
algebra, astronomy, trogonlmetry and
syntax, and then you arrive at an an
swer which may or may not be correct.
If YOUR income is $4,000 year and you
have diamond ring and an automo-
bile and are married to brunette girl
26 year old, you take the amount OF
the income and add your personal
property, subtract your street number,
multiply by your height, add your
wife's height and divide by your tele-
phone number. If you have child IN
the family, you substract $500 from
YOUR income, add the amount to your
personal property, multiply by your
waist measure, subtract the size of
YOUR collar, and the child's age, null
tiply by the amount you have gwen
the church during the year, and divide
by the number of your automobile
LICENSE tag. If there is a second child ,
YOU deduct $500 from your income.
add the weight and age of your child,
divide by the date of your birth, null
tiply by the date of your birth, null
tiply by the size of your hat, and sub
tract the weight Of your mother-in-
law. After you get it all figured out.
YOU won't have to pay taxes of any
name or nature, for they will have you
in the BOBBY hatch and strapped down.
If our German friend, Editor Strieb,
across the street, with the bunk of a
busy brain, will pardon US for making
suggestion to the public which we
think will be Of interest as well as TO
the welfare Of those more deeply con-
cerned, we would like to sound note
of warning to the parents who allow
their children to play ball on the pub
lie streets of the city to the great dam
ger of their lives There are so many
automobiles going back and forth
these days that this practice is posi-
lively dangerous and some day some
ones dear one is going to be run over
and seriously injured, if not killed as
a consequence. We are making this
suggestion with a spirit of wanting
to do something for the public welfare
and not for the purpose Of debating
any policy to the parents of the chill
dren. Every time we try to make a
suggestion that might be of some good
to the world at large our weinerwurst
eating friend across the street accuses
US of some Interior motive or desire
on. our part to control the universe OF
turn the world upside down to start j
running the way we personally want ii
to. We don't mind his meaningless
vaporings but we feel like SOUNDING
the note of warning for the good of al
concerned, hoping that this little HUI
name suggestion on our part may ever
meet with the approval Of our deal
brother across the street-and may be
given his pardon for not asking his
permission. We have city ordinance