The New York herald., 1920-01-11


at sketches stager by their own talent
and in their own way.
Governor Smith, Postmaster General
Burleson and even President Wilson were
the objects of good natured if sharp, puns
directed toward their personal and politi-
cal acts. 1t appeared as the programme
progressed that it was we'll that Thomas
f. Smith, president of the Amen Corner
had risen just prior to the opening broad
side announced that in the words OF the
poet laureate of the administration
Is oft gentle brother, loved the most"
''Remeber that he who gets the greatest
roast
The Spirit OF New York.
The spirit of the dinner was character
ized by T. O. McGil who walked through
the centre aisle of the room with a hat
such as generally worn by Father knick-
erbocker. saying
II am New York, You find me here.
with the Brethren OF the Amen Corner.
epitomized and in allegorical apothesis
disclosed to myself as / am.
II am at the same time magnificent
and petty l am New York. My heart is
as big as yours Or yours. Or yours! Or
yours! 1 cothe myself with the most
opulescent raiment the artisans Of the
world can device but il you look very
closely you would probably find holes in
my socks.
1T am at once noble and a mucker.
From early morning until afternoon ] am
avaricious and grasping. From the close
of the market tuntil my bedtime. am the
biggest sucker the world ever knew. With
one hand | give literally to starving chill
dren in Europe and with the other clutch
the pennies Of my own poor in my role
as a profiteer. / spend millions TO edu-
cate the illiterate of Europe that come TO
reside with me, and myself remain In
ignorance of how to sell milk to babies
without gouging some one. / spend
billions to create transportation service
and then allow it to be used as stock
Juggling game. For I am New York!
Daily I give expression to the most per-
feet oratory, but most of the time talk
in the gressest patois of European slums.
I pay for the greatest opera company In
the world and am the greatest producer
of hand organs. 1 give columns of space
in my newspapers to visiting prize
fighter but before an artist can get
headline he must commit a crime or get
some kind of committee appointed for
him. I give the suffrage to woman, but
positively refuse to give her seat in the
subway. My politics are inscrutable as
my conscience. I am the personificatio
of graciousness to foreign visitors. but my
daiiv manners are those of stable hand.
I'll take every penny you have by any
means 1 can, and then take you to
dinner or give you one of the most COM
Portable hospital beds available. For !
am New York;
FIasks In Their Kit Bags.
Whit aloud rap of the gavel Mr.. Smith
instructed those seated at long dais at
one end of the hall TO rise and lead the
others in singing Pack Up Your Bottles
in Your Old Kig Bag" They rose. but
before they sang each produced from his
hip pocket a half pint of something that
looked like Old Taylor. held 1t out in front
OF him. surveying il for a moment, then
took one long. gurgling swig, whllo deep
groans emanted from throughout the
gathering.
William II. Anderson was caricatured in
n dialogue between Harold Anderson and
Mr.. Smith. Then there was burlesque
trial Of an action by Charles r. Murphy
VS.. william r.. Hearst for libel. Mr..
Murphy, played by Edward Staats Luther,
was questioned by William Leary as fol-
lows
Leary-what Is your namef
Luther-Chnrles Forehanded Murphy.
Ieary-Where do you reside7
iner-Delmonico's, Good Ground. Mount
Luther-civic Master OF New York.
Is95yrX ILs9955y-wXbSt X5Ss, Is ,sdrs sIqGsOss,' s., e
I.eary-Do you know what sugar isi
Leary- 1t Is charged that you would not enter
into proflteering arrangement because you
Lnther-Eneland! Why. Ireland was ireland
Ieary--wouid You consider It patriotic to fur
nish aid and comfort TO EnglandY :.
r., 70 blow England int into the Irish Sea.
Ieary--Would q he good politics to enter into
Luther-The people decided that last election
cc.rr ,r,ta.,. .u
Leary- William II. Hearst will take the stand.
Ieary-what is your name7
Harold---William Run-ouf Hearst.
Is, Iseary,1Whsre 40 yon reside ~,
cago. Milwaukee, Atlanta, Los Angeles. san
Iesrys5what Is your ocSupation1
mnrnsy 20 thai .fe he woa sebba n
IIaroid-I told It to the world
Christie Sullivan. peter Dooling. John crTS care%,
Joe Rowan and Jerome Donovan friends OF
HsrcId-weL they made E. a; ,, much noise 70, FOR
doiisr rfisrd note @ 'n would % dropped into bag Of
Ieary-john r. Hylan will take the stand.
Patrick n. Rellihan-John Frightful Hylan.
q,3 Jeqq,r3y.uwhpsrsn prsn,iIc d2 you reside'
Irnry--what Is your occupation7
Rellhan-I am the greatest Mayor New York
Ieary-Did any one ever tell you you wersf
Rclhan-Sure.
Ieary--Whoi
Relihan-The King of tbc Beigiara
Trary--tinder what circumstancesi
Kss a6G yGpq as 'S w e was s past g ne
Munl- -clpai Building one afternoon he says 10
me says he your Excelency, you the
greatest Mayor I've ever seen" That there
miohtn't be no mistake about 10 makes notes
on The conversation and I've brung them with me.
Leary-what reply did you make to His Maj
esty
Leary%Xre you a friend OF william Run out
RelIhan--sure didn't be nominate me for
Mayor; and hope he'll nominate me next No
'iesry-Arc Jon a friend Of Charles Forehandcd
neiiihan--sure, didn't be elect me Mayor: and
N hope he'll elect me next November.