The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-12-19

| is shaken when just as the noises on the jtreet outside subsding, the radiator 'ipes up it's even song.
 There are noises and noises, such, for instance, as the carol of birds, the rattle of musketry, and the banging of rad iator. The last is the worst of the lot, or of any other lot. It is doubly dis turbing because it is not regular. The average noise is dependable. It l comes in regular cycles. You know when to expect it. A pneumatic riveter, for example, will lull you to sleep like soft music as soon as your ear drums get sufficiently caLloused so you can stand it at all
 But the radiator is spasmodic. It clanks two, three or four times. and then relapses into silence. Just as you think it is union radiator and has gone off the job. it begins agan-not steadily but now and then-just often enough to wake you up when you doze off I never knew why it preferred to clank at night-but it is probably due to it's fear that the police will come in and make trouble for it, if it starts a racket in the daytime. At night there are few police about, and such as are on their beats are usually too busy looking for 1 tootleggers to bother much with radia- 1 tors Why they are looking for boot | leggers at night is matter to be an swered by their own oonsciences.
 A MISPLACED GUEST l To return to the gentleman we starte1l to- tell you about. He spent a weekend with us. and was quartered in the guesl ] oom, where there is particularly ] strdent radiator inactive at times but | quite emphatic when it gets going. I He'd had a hard day sight seeing. and he wanted to sleep. He says he was bothered quite little by the dumb | il1y ct ire: 1 had got in the extra ice and bottles l Of orange juice that they needed for their l party the dumbwaiter ceased to func- ] ton. The elevator didn't disturb him because the elevator boy, who is dis tlrbed by nothing, was asleep down stairs
 Until about half past two the radia- tor nursed it's grudge against the fam fly in silence. Then it clanked ten l afivelv a time two. Getting no re- suits it clanked again, little louder. At the fifth clank our guest arose. went over to it, and shook it. That seemed to quiet it. but not for long. Soon it began again, with a I steady irregularity. if you know what [ mean. Now our guest had lived in furnace heated houses all his life, and didn't understand radiators. He
 theorized about the noise, but couldn't account for it. There were no nov ing parts inside He was sure of that. ] How then could it clank? The only
 way was to find out.
 He was loath to awaken the family and ask any questions. Beside. he had
 unlimited confidence in his own in
 vestigating ability. He lit the light and twisted the little iigger at the
 end of the radiator. cloud of white
 steam shot up into his face. and the
 radiator put forth an entirely new sort
 of a clank, accompanied by low and
 hateful hiss. It was apparent that
 twisting the little digger hadn't helped much.
 But the guest was not man to be
 lightly brushed aside by mere radia-
 tor. He hunted vainly through the kitchen of the apartment for tools, but
 couldn't find any. Then he went down
 stairs, woke up taxi driver who was
 asleep in his cab. and for dollar
 rented from him Stilson wrench. A
 Stilson wrench is a sort of mechanical alligator with steel teeth. Plumbers use them to destroy nickel plated bath
 room fixtures with. Taxi drivers and chauffeurs carry them because they are useful in arguments with other chauffeurs.
 ! This Stilson wrench he carried to the guest room and began his invest- gations. It was about that time that heard him and came in to find out | what was the matter.
 THE WRECKER i When, l saw him untwistlng the I pipe that fed steam to the radiator. I | protested and offered to call the jani- i tor. But he said he knew more about machinery than 1000 janitors, and | that he was going to find out what was the matter or know the reason 1 why.
 1 After the third twist the thread of the pipe grew wobbly. and the low and 1 hateful hisAing that had come from | the little jigger was shifted to the rJoint. It became louder and louder as the twisting proceeded. And then to | his astonishment and my horror my. friend was shot like projectile over an adjacent table with a cloud of nice
 white steam following on behind | He wasn't badly burned, as I dis
 covered subsequently. I didn't have
 tune to find out then. I was too busy
 try1ng with a table cover to riug the
 hole out of which extremely hot water
 was gushing freely.
 l intended to call the janitor when
 that Job was finished. But that was
 unnecessary The people in the apart
 ment below called him to inquire why
 the plastering was all coming off the
 ceiling. If they hadn't called him. the
 lire department would have done SO
 They dropped in shortly afterward to
 ask why smoke was pouring from our
 windows.
 We shall pay for the repairs. proha-
 ply Our guest disclaims responsibili-
 ty He says he stopped the radiator ron cianking, and that is all we could
 expect him to do. He had done it too.
 That radiator never canked again, for when 1t landed in the linng room i.
 was so badly bent that the janitor took it away
 tCopNright. l9ao. by the Bell Syndi- cate, Incl
 THOUSANDS WOUNDED GERMANS C0NTlNlIE m