davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
LUXE M,LUKE SAYS

About the only time a Princess helps her Mother around the house is when she helps her tell Father where to get off.
 At that the average married man would rather have his wife pick his pockets than have her pick his neck ties.
 This would be a better world if the money that is spent for Tango lessons was spent for Grammar lessons.
 There is too much Kissing during the Honeymoon and too much Cussing after the Honeymoon
 It is good thing for all of us that we haven't as many pimples on our faces as we have on our backs.
 Most any man can tell you that all the good luck goes to those who dc not need it.
 Other people hate selfish man all most as much as he loves himself.
 No man is quite as respectful to the woman who uses paint as he is to the other kind.
 Every fat woman wants to be an an gel. An angel wears a loose gown like a nightgown all the time. It hurts man more to lose a dollar through a hole in his pocket than il does to lose $2O on the ponies. And even if God did create Perfect Man, the woman he married would find as many flaws in him as there are holes in Swiss cheese. Even if you do get the idea that yo', own hell. you don't have to give it te other people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30

From the New York Tribune.
 60WO of the fastest of the smaller
 animals are the greyhound ana
 S the jack rabbit. The grey hound can ao at the rate of thirty-two miles an hour. while his cousin. the Russian volfbound. can beat him by five miles and has much greater powers of endur- .rce The greyhound, like the horse, diss in with his fore feet and uses ms front legs for pulling as well as pushins with his hind legs. The jack raop't front legs are only crutches, but, like the antelope, he makes up for it by the power of his hind legs.
 Out in Kansas crazy jack rabbit start ed m beside a passenger train maKihs fertv miles an hour. The passengers crowded the platforms and the windows and whooped it up for the jack The Jaek went completely insane and raced the train for miles, never losing an men or a jump. As the train and the JacN flashed past the last mile post neck anu neck the Jack curled up in the air Tn the middle of jump and lighted, sauatted on his launches and rubbed one of his lore feet over his nose. The jackrabbit IS speedv. all right, but he's plumb crazy
 rhere is another mammal that is so
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30

week. If it be so this fall, record
 breaking attendance may be ex- pected.
 Years ago the exhibits were often
 late in reaching the grounds, but the
 exhibitors have learned the impor-
 tance of being prompt. In the latter years live stock are always in the
 stables several days ahead of time. The Fair Association is making
 many substantial improvements this
 summer, and the grounds will pre- sent a spick-span appearance.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
A SONG OF THE PAST

By Samuel Minturn Peck. Men say that the world hath more bel
 tiful grown. Is freer of blight and of flaw, But what do they know of the bcsN
 that's flown, The scenes that their eyes never sd An. little wots youth of the Man VI
 the Scythe. Whose features are cruel and gri Or his deep buried hoard of the bon
 and blithe The brush of no painter could linn Priests prate of a country with bl
 sons so fair Far fairer than earth ever knew. And tell of the joys that are waiti
 us there.
 Meath skies that are cloudless a
 blue: listen. and turn from their words W I crave not its beauties to see: Fairer. far fairer earth's cloud haun
 sky
 Over faces that smiled upon ms. Sometimes when I'm sitting Tn sfls:
 apart
 And the young pass me by ins s
 throngs. They never surmise what is hid in
 heart.
 They know not its memories {
 songs. For my lays that are sweetest nl
 never been trolled, Their sorrow hath never been said They are sung by my heart in \
 silence alone. Of the fair. and the dear. andLI
 dead.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
IN HOTEL LCBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Great Parade

The parade staged at the Elks' con- vention in Chicago recently was one of the most elaborate I ever wit messed" says A. c. Carrell. There were s5 floats donated by the various lodges represented. The merchants of Chicago also prepared floats for this event. On all of the white way posts along Michigan boulevard were suspended large Elk heads and at night these were lighted.
 The parade is said to have cost $25o,000 and to have seen it one would not doubt it. One of the largest crowds ever gathered in the Windy City attended the convention. Accord ing to residents and business men, it was the most spectacular parade ever staged in that city"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30

From the New York Tribune.
 A STIRRING scene there must have
 M\ been at old Southampton quay .4 S when the pageant of Johh AT
 ,s c,oiceu was recently senacted' rr,ard is celebrating the tercehten-
 of tbe Pilgrims departure with zesl and imagination and hearey sp''''
 good will.
 What was stressed at Soutnampton' if is interesting to note, was 'he au ,,artrrous nature of the undertaking. r.hr Alden was made the central HE ure of the pageant and ms p.ruoipa tion in the voyage treated as sneei adventure undertaken largely TOT iose of his Priscilla. The point oi view is valuable and has too often been isnoreo by Americans, who have stressed '"o Puritanical origin, the religious n,o lives. which peopled New England. 1he prevailing character on the Mayiio"el was deeply religious. But 1t was uhi'eu r,;th a spirit of adventure, and It IS ;mnossible to understand the strength of the American experiment through ont it's three hundred years unless the .dventurousness of it's undertaking IS appreciated equally with the motives of solemn religious fervor
 Our historians have recently gwen increasing attention to this aspect or our national development. The infiu- .noa of inc frontier upon our character has been analysed and debated We have never been without frontier until very recent years. There was al ways a going forth of the more adven- turous spirits into the west of reckless ness and treasure and open places. And equally there was always return How of influence upon our national charac- ter.
 What the present tercentenary can serve to remind us is that the Pilgrims voyage in 1920 was. first of all, most daring adventure, the most slori- ous pioneer expedition to strange frontier ever undertaken by Americans completed or in the making. All Amer ica was frontier in those early years of settlement-Boston Common as wild a spot as any prairie town of a cen tury ago or mining town of 1S4s or the Klondike of later years. The very
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
# * ' World Is on the Verge of Another Holocaust

7N HE New York Tribune recently H published an editorial entitled, ''The Next Great War;" which car ries warning the American people cannot afford to ignore.
 Says the Tribune, Another great war is plainly incubating, incubating far more plainly and visibly than did the one which burst on the world in 1914 The frontiers of unrepentant Germany and of militant bolshevik Russia are in contact. Between the two countries is community of self ish imperialistic interest, and thus a basis furnished for an aggressive alliance"
 The Tribune points out that if Eng land had announced that she woald resist Germany when the Kaiser first hesitated to unsheath his sword, there would have been no world war. "England will not come in," said the German militarists, just as they said later that America would not come in, and the bloodiest drama in his- tory was begun. A League of Ma tions would have shattered the Pan- Germanic dream. It would have held the armies of Germany in check. It was the certainty of victory-the SUD- posed certainty-wbicb precipitated the war. Tn six weeks we will be in Paris, after that" the war lords shrugged their shoulders to ex- press that all would be over but the shouting. It was estimated by the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
HEAP STRONG PRUNE JUICE

From the New York World
 Chicago.-John Stewart, a full blood ed Cherokee Indian of this city, was all but completely carried away by con- centrated spirits of prune juice. Yes terday at trading post in West Mad ison street he exchanged his wampum for brand of firewater made of prune spirits-alcoholic content less than 100 per cent. Shortly afterward the side walk on the mountain trail at Michi- gan avenue and Randolph street came up and hit him. Today before Judge Holmes in the South Clark street court he was fined $2 and costs.
 He had no wampum, but he remem- bered there were some traders under the totem of the three balls who would exchange wampum for his new derby war bonnet and two button ceremonial robes.
 Let me go home to get some clothes to pawn" he pleaded But the judge was not of his tribe and sent him to the hoosegow to lament the days of the red mans magnlficence.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30

From the Land of the Sun, by Helen
 varnec, in Asia for August
 IT IMAGINE a flat piece of land among dry yellow hills, hidden from the S merciless sun by the foliage of enor- nous elms, but trodden out to such degree that not tiny shrub, not a single blade of grass was to be found. About twenty-five little whitewashed barracks without any convenienees and a number of yurtas-native felt rug tents Of wooden skeletons-provided the depressing archl- tectural note. When the guests wanted to sit outside the bleak barracks or gloomy yurtas, they scrambled in frlend- ly rivalry for the three benches grouped under one of the trees
 In spite of all these attractions l found. to my great amazement, that the resort was crowded. Most of the guests were Armenians, Sarts, Greeks. With
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Marked Progress of
 South's Steel Industry

WhW HEN it is completed the w pressed steel car plant at Fairfield and the Fairfield steel mills of the Chickasaw Shipbuilding and Car Company will cooperate so close ly that it is difficult even for the builders to decide where one ends and the other might be supposed to be- gin.
 In eight months the pressed steel car works will be regularly in opera tion as completed industry and pressed steel cars will then be pro- duced in Birmingham the same as steel billets, wire. nails and Corliss engines.
 Birmingham will then have a large addition to the steel consuming in- dustry of the district. That is the impotant thing.
 Already this district, once maker of pig iron only, converts nearly one half of that pig iron into steel in home mills. Only about one-third of the iron output is forced to travel afar anc fight for supremacy.
 Two thirds of the merchant iron production does still leave the south, and its superior qualities, including it's ductility, will always enable it to compete with Chicago, Buffalo and Pittsburg iron, but the south is consuming greater and greater quan- titles of it's pig iron make and, if the present rate of increase in foundry expansion maintains, will soon de- mand the larger portion of the mer- chant iron make as we'll as that of the non-merchant iron that is con verted into steel.
 We have been in the steel busi- ness but twenty years. The first run of steel at Ensley was made Thanksgiving Day, 1899. The pressed steel car works is another milestone along the path of achievement in steel manufacture inaugurated on that oc- casion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Does His Part

T have just had an interesting let ter from w. Blanks Everett" says pr. Lokey, it was written from Califor- mia where he has been for some time on special work with the United States Chamber of Commerce.
 He says that he has Travelled over the state from one end to the other and while it is really wonderful land of sunshine, and the climate and people are both charming, yet he cannot get over his love for Alabama and is sorry that he has to spend so much time far away from it. I am sure that wherever he is that Birmingham has a booster, for he not only got the habit while secretary of our Chamber of Commerce, but really thinks it the best city in the country
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
ANIMAL SPEED DEMONS

fast no one has ever been able to out how fast he is. This is the pospoi The porpoise can do stunts in front of fastest boat that travels the bound wave and when he is through after v eral hours ot clowning he flirts hist and nonchalantly speeds beyond the ht zon. The porpoise will do his tricks 1 der the bow Of .nine-knot cargo tra or a twenty-two knot ocean greyho1 He is like the antelope in that he S lis pace according to the speed of pursuer.
 And let us not forget that small { hairy creature. bird, insect of least, honey bee. This little creature devel great speed on the western plains. Oklahoma there was a passenger tl' making the traditional forty miles hour. It was a warm day and the W dows of the cab were wide open on b siees. A honey bee flew through the c grazing the nose of the startled engine turned at right angles, flew for do miles beside the engine, and. then, with intelligent hum, put on spurt and ( appeared up the line ahead of the rock in,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Notable Trip

With two United States army aero- planes pushing their noses northward to Alaska, a new era of discovery Is dawning." says William L. White.
 Where men once spent weeks ana months and in some cases years, snow bound and ice bound, in the effort to penetrate the farthest point north, an aeroplane can now rise out of Alaska, fly high above the ice an'i snow, locate the pole accurately, and return after only a short time.
 The two army lieutenants who are in the plane are doing as notable thing as the officers and men in the NC 1 which crossed the Atlantic"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
GOING BAREFOOTED

From the London Chronicle.
 Eve was reputedly barefoot, and Nau- sicaa played ball all the better because she went unshod.
 Helen of Troysa at the most wore san dals, and the sandal is the compromise between the shoeless and the shod. It is easier to make sandals than to make boots.
 In Ireland and Scotland the children have run barefoot for many day, and the wit of the one and the enterprise of the others show that there is noth- ing really demoralizing in going with out shoes and stockings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Contrast Between Southern
 and Other Railroads

0Ts HE south is not glad to learn H that the northern and western railroads show deficits in April op- erations, but it is pleased to know that the southern railroads made money.
 The southern railroads made money because the south is prosperous and productive; because the south has no "outlaw" strikes tying up traffic, and because it is largely free of the, agi- tator who works in other sections to the detriment of industry.
 The eastern roads reported ar April deficit of twenty millions anc the western of six and half millions while the southern roads reported g net profit of nearly one and hali millions. There is a wide margin be- tween these tlgureS.
 If a Moses were leading people over the surface of the globe looking for an inviting country and he saw the south, he would call it lanc flowing with milk and honey" and ; Hand of promise" Really so man! things that are pregnant with hap
 piness and prosperity are develop
 ing in the south that southerner' would be the most ungrateful peopl' on earth did they not thankful. realize how beneficent Providence
 has been to them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Promising Outlook for Next State Fair

ID IRMINGHAM will have an ex- O ceptionally attractive State
 Fair in October. While there have
 been better crop years than this,
 steady improvement is being made,
 and reasonably abundant harvest is now in sight.
 The most valuable exhibits at the recent fairs have been live stock. Cat tie and swine are thriving. Splendid beef and dairy stock will be shown in large numbers.
 ] The poultry display will be layger than ever, and the department set apart for the girls canning and fruit
 drying clubs will surpass those of any previous season. The industrial
 and commercial exhibits will be up to high standard, and all in all great variety of everything that goes to
 make up the educational features of a | fair will be installed in an attra ctive form. There will be splendid racing,
 and while the products of the farm
 will be of prime interest to the agri.
 cultural visitor, the free shows
 will add zest and furnish amusemsnt for the thousands
 Birmingham has usually been fa- vored with ideal weather during fair
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
THE PIL LGRIMS ADVENTURE

name Pilgrim implies the adTene It conceives of all life as an advent, task for the bold and hardy pion,
 It was Oliver Cromwell. tradit says, who originated the notion
 trusting God and at the same tl keeping ones powder dry. A good J of lasting Americanism is in (t with powder, and their descenda have never lost their familiarity W it. The frontier would not Jet tn forget it if they would, for<the adv ture of America has never halted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

THE INCONSISTENT BOLSHEvIK.
 The bolshevistic brother Talks of Russia OCT the sea, Where the poor, downtrodden masses Now enjoy great liberty. He paints glowing picture Of communistic joys, For everyone can be a boss l And no hard work annoys.
 But when somebody asks him Just why he fingers here, The victim of oppression that Permits so little cheer, He hesitates and fidgets l And his manners plainly show, While Russia may be paradise, | He doesn't care to go And join his happy comrades Across the stormy seas, l Whove nothing much to do but starve, | Or die of some disease. THE POWER OF THE BALLOT. How do you feel toward your party's candidate for President?' Rather lukewarm, sir rather luke warm," said the pompous gentleman. "In ! fact, I've not yet decided whether or not {, I'll vote for him." Dear me-
 "Yes, sir, and if I cannot conscientious | ly support him I'll write him letter
 about it, and I promise you he'll have a bad half hour, sir, very bad half hour" :" A STEADY DECLINE. Some men seem to reach the zenith of their powers early in life" 1 "Yes?" | There's Henry Butterbean, for in-
 stance, whose wife runs boarding house.
 When Henry was boy he was cap tain of our baseball team, and had the | largest library of dime novels in town, but he hasn't been prominent since"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
HEALTH RESORT IN TURKESTA

proverbial Oriental patience they carr their own chairs and stools outside a sat for hours in the meager shade of barracks playing cards and dominS AS an accompaniment, there was a de ening chirp of millions of sparrows abt their heads, with occasionally a pecu1 dry noise made by the heaks Of I storks. With the steady influx of que there was practically no place for ne corners to stay; they were generously
 lowed, however to use Gods hea' and some elm trees as shelter. What V it that attracted all those people to H ret-Ayub? I soon learned. It was
 fact that among the innumerable pla in Turkestan, where health-giving m eraI water springs from the ground. tn are hardly half dozen that can boast even the primitive convenience of
 barracks, the yurtas and the six pull bathtubs which HazretAyub possessed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Easy to LOca te

locate member of the citizen police. says l.. M. Mason. "The men so ob- viously have a secret that they long to divulge that in most cases it is not hard to guess what it is. And in some cases proof is furnished. Ono of these special officers accidentally showed me his purse in which was the police card. Another dropped his card while getting out some letters.
 However. they ought to accomplish great work. They have real mis- sion and it's up to them to carry it out"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
Likes West Lake

West Lake is growing in popular ity. Every day, from early morning until late at night, large crowds are in bathing" said F. L. Letsome. Just where the people come from no one knows, but the dance floor is crowded every night. Jack McLain, who is singing in connection with the Nixon orchestra is proving quite drawing card Many people who do, not darte are visiting this popular resort and are spectators on the promenade. This is one of the incest little resorts of the kind in the state and many picnics are held here"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30

all-wise militarists that the strug gle would be ended with Germany in less than a year
 Continuing its review of the sit. lation in Europe, the Tribune says
 So now, even though the present Polish crisis passes, little rational hope for future peace exists unless there is an unshakable purpose to force Russia and Germany with a front of preponderating power. Talk continues of trusting the mainte
 nance of peace to the soft ministry of words. Neither Russia nor Ger many will be dissuaded by such a method. Only through a realiza- ton of the hopelessness of their ambitions can they be stayed.
 Bolshevik Russia hasihopted the old czaristic imperialism, painting it red. Germay is still Germany, has merely substituted hypocrisy for arrogance. Bo1shevik Russia would reconquer the peoples on her borders. Already Esthonia, Letvia, Lithuania and Ukrainia have been subdued, and the Russian paw has been raised against Poland and threatens Finland.
 Germany, regretting her attack on general freedom only because it failed, schemes to arm herself Soon munitions will be brought in from Russia, manufactured there under German direction. Germany, like Russia, thinks she has good reason for war, and popular support would sustain Ludendorff if he came back to power. The only questions asked between the Rhine and Silesia are: Can we? Is it safe?"
 One of the strongest argument used against the League of Nations is the possibility that our young mel might be forced to fight in Europe Without league we shall be draw into another world war, possibl, within the next five or ten years. w could no more keep out of it than w could avoid taking part in the las war It is evident to the most super ficial observer that Europe is seeth ing now. It is reported that Vol Ludendorff has just made an offe to the allies to raise an army of on million five hundred thousand mel to fight the Russian bol sheviki. With a powerful army a his back, Won Ludendorff would b much more likely to fight the al lies.
 We went to war to end war. I hasn't been ended Call Presiden Wilson an impractical dreamer, al idealist or what you will, the Leagu of Nations is still the only hope o humanity, by which we mean, no Ca" league, as suggested by repub lican reactionaries, but "the" league
 x x <
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
..Ai.l
GOT IN THE WAY.

You say your wife threw plate\ you and hit you between the eyes?' .''Yes. your honor"
 "Umphl It's rather unusual for a wc an to show such craftsmanship
 'I lost my presence of mind, y( honor. I lodged instead of stand still"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
QUITE RICH.

You say here in your paper" be. the visitor. that the lamented Sam IT fit died comparatively poor man"
 That was our impression" said the itor. but if we've made a mistake gladly print correction"
 T would advise you to do so, in tice to the late MT. Pluffit, as well his sorrowing family and expect friends. As a matter of fact, his est consists of nine quarts of bor1 whisky"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
A MESS OF WORDS

From the Chicago Tribune.
 Grant was not literary man, but in comparison with MT. HardinS's mess of words accepting the nomination, .irants letter of acceptance in 1868 burns with a hard. Paterlike flame Although more accustomed to sword than pen he knew a shall from a wl!l when the wind was southerly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
SQUIRREL FOOD
the Houston Post.

From the Houston POSt.
 Senator Capper says the southern cotton farmers have peen enabled to profiteer by the democratic adminlstra- ton. WelL the senator is safe; there are no squirrels to speak of in Kansas.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-30
TELEPHONE Bell (privnte excAange connectini all departments) Main 49O0

That book, in many's eyes doth share
 the glory, That in gold clasps, locks in the golden
 story. -Romeo and Juliet.