Norwich bulletin., 1920-08-25
THOSE DRESS FASTENERS

I'm sorry we're late," said the bride, but I had such a time getting dressedi It fasters in the back and Tom couldn't find the hooks-'
 Say no more" soothed the lady who has been married for a long time. q have 8 complete picture of the situation and could give you such lifelike ac- count of the conversation that you would think I had hithlen behind the picture molding if I told 1t to you.
 "AlI men act like that and the req son they are so cantankerous when they have to hook their wives dresses is that they know, deep down in their little hearts, that they are showing up at their worst and exposing the fact that they are not rightfully the lords of creationi A man that can manage a cantilever bridge. a legislature or the cook simply lies right down on the job whe confront ed with the simple task of uniting two pieces of dress goods designed to snap or hook together. He is thrown into a fearful panic and naturally tries to bluff it of.
 Always he demands to be told why for the love of Mike she had to have the dress made that way When there are thirteen million patterns for dresses it seems to him that it it would be an easy matter for an intelligent woman to hit on one that fastened with one button in front or something like that.
 'what does she expect to do when he doesn't happen to be around to attend to the job? Serve her right if she had to stay home some time because she in- sisted on having clothes that took the assistance of corps of maids-or one intelligent husband--to get into! And can't she stand still? How can she ex- pect any one to hook a dress when the wearer is doing jazz steps all over the premises? Yes, of course, he is doing it right-if she'll stand still.
 And what is the sense in making hooks so small? This business of hav- ing to send for a microscope, detective and clairvoyant to enable one to dis cover the hook which is said to be right there strikes him as one of the supreme foolishnesses of womankind. Do you ever see a man having trouble of that sort! No-his garments are constructed so that they can be donned properly in two jerks and a shrug, as garments should be! Oh, yes of course, there are collar buttons. if she wants to be dis agreeable, but man is not responsible for collar buttonG Some woman invented those, he is certain. Anything ridiculous and necessitatnig irritating work in dressing may safely be laid at the door of wornan-stand still, for Pete's sake
 When he stagsers up from his task his unfortunate wife, feeling queer, in vestigates with her fingers and finds that he has fastened one side of her skirt lining to the edge of the sash, the other side to part of the dress itself, and that the hooks do not match in Nthe least at the top She then tumbles into her wrap, holding her lips tightly shut until she reaches her destination, and her sympathetic hostess, without one word of explanation fixes her up correctly.
 "Once in my life I had very simple dress. The inside belt hooked in the back with three big hooks, the back it. self snapped with four snappers the size of dinner plates I had bought those snanpers having John in mind. The dress was a straight up and down affair that was loose, and I could writhe around and fasten it myself, as usual thing, but there was tho time l had hurt my right hand and was rather helpless John had to fasten me up one night ana never shall I forget it.
 when I broke the news to him he looked grim but heroic and got down on his knees, although neatly trousered in his dress suit. Using his knees as re- voIving point, he spun around until l never could understand why those trous- CTS weren't worn through to the bone. He jerked and tugged and pulled as though he were endeavoring to put to- gether a sixteen-inch dress band around a twenty -fve-inch waist. He muttered strange words to himself and when tried to place his fingers on the correct hooks I thought for a minute he had bitten my own fingers of.