The Raymer enterprise., 1920-10-21
By HOLWORTHY HALL

He had TO exert his utmost will TO
make the beginning. "All l can ex.
plain Is that I've made another mis-
take ;" After the first great effort
the words came tumbIlng. passionate
ly. unchecked. ut would have been
so Infinitely better for both Of US II
I'd never met you at all. My life
has been II whole series Of mistakes !;
this Is the worst. The worst. &.
OF course. 1t would be absurdly sim
pie II ! were going away from Syria
cuse, II were going to leave you
here. and go-but I'm not. I'm going
to stay here. And I can't think it's
decent not TO tell you now that II you
. knew all | know what I've
been, what I've done you wouldn't
marry me II were the last man left
to ask you! :" He gestured I'm
patiently. "We're childlshly hopeful
sometimes all Of US hoping
for what we know Is impossible q.
what We know always will be impos-
sible. I've been like that-and
what hoped was that you could take
me on the basis OF what I've been
for the last few months since
July . :. because that's the way I take
myself. Just man-a man-lIke
Jack Armstrong. ! hoped we could
simply eliminate the past. and i.
| cant get away from It. It's on my
heels every minute. It's what l am,
now but II ] went much further
back than that. you and the doctor
would both think just what ! do about
myself and Id have to say good.
by to you anyway /. Just as I'm do
Ing tonight. hope you can see that
I'm not telling all this to you from any
other motive except to be quite honest
with you. Quite honest-for once.
care too much about you to let you
live another day without knowing that
! cant 20 On--its over. rm not
fit TO be even your friend. That's
ALL"
She sat motlonless. Hilllard had
turned back to the fireplace.
"Were you as bad as thatr' she
whispered.
"once," he said bitterly. over his
shoulder. Il used to be Il gentleman.
But that was long time ago"
She raised her head. Nothing
could ever make me believe" she said,
that you haven't always been just as
I've known you-since July. Nothing
can. and nothing will. What you may
think about yourself makes no differ
ence to me. i"
"Don't!" he said. and his tone was
agOn!zed. Don't you see"
II don't believe you." she said stead
lily.
Hill!ard's voice was unstable with
his great bitterness Of failure. "You
hatter me-" he said harshly. "And be-
wrong"
She was up, and beside him, smiling
bravely into his eyes. and he was fog
glng his will to keep his hungry arms
from snatching her, from sweeping her
close to him, and
what do you think women are"
she demanded, with sweet imperlous-
ness. Nothing but marble statues
or putty ones? Just made to stand
around and let the world 60 past,
having anything to say about
it?"
He retreated to the wall In self-de-
fense. Don't! Don't! I'm the one
who's driven myself into this corner
not you!"
But you don't have to stay In It
always. do your"
He stared at her In mystIfcat!on.
Don't be silly" she said. "and don't
be unreasonable; I'm mott" She
touched his sleeve; his expression was
Don't make me think you
are unreasonable she said compass
"If you're not satisfied, why
can't you make yourself what you
wnnt to be? Instead Of brooding over
the past. that you can't help. why don't
you think about things you can help?
Living Is about all there Is to live for,
isn't it?"
He drew In his breath perIlously.
But I'm letting you CO." he said,
1azed
She stamped her foot In tremulous
mo. you're not; l won't al
low It! Can't you see why? Do l
have to tell you that? Well =.
because l want you for friend even
Il you don't want me-"
"Want you" he cried. and remem-
Dered himself, and froze to immobIllty.
'Oh-as a friend!"
Surely. as frIend-what else did
you think ! meant?"
The young man shook his head.
II don't know. Only came up here
to tell you haven't any right to your
can't tell you why =.
haven't as much callousness as all
that but II l did tell you. your
last atom Of faith In me would be
gone. And you can't afford to have me
sven fo- a frlend-now that I've said
hat. can you?"
"Yes." she said steadfastly. II can
ifford It."
"When when I've told you
:" His lips were parted In
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