The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1920-10-22
Master Minds
BY GENE FOWLER


Greatest of all criminologists, Je-
rome Jaundice, enjoyed a reputation
that was second only to that of Article
x. of the League of Nations. In fact,
his deds could be spoken of in any
gathering where ladies were not pres
ent and where gentlemen were deaf.
No master mind ever slipped by this
expert. He knew master mind the
minute he saw one. Even if he bare
ly heard one he would brand it inn
mediately as a Master Mind. II he
neither saw nor heard it, he would
stamp it as Master Mind anyway.
When seen in his cellar laboratory,
what an inspiring spectacle was Je-
rome Jaundice! True, his face was
a trifle ingrown, and his eyes were set
so closely together that a monocle was
ample enough for both lamps. But you
forgot those details when you gazed
at that countenance. In fact, you for
got everything under such circum-
stances. One look and the clock
cuckoos began to moult.
When asked by the authorities of
two dead cities to ferret out the Mas
ter Mind responsible for the Demo
cratic Party, Jerome's report was
terse, significant and typical Of the
great man. He said:
mot only have we failed to locate
the Master Mind in this case, but we
discover that there isn't any mind at
ALL"
When Cicotte Clemenceau and Gel
luloid George were approached by the
Paris gamblers to fix a game, Jerome
Jaundice combed the city for the muir
derer. But he steadfastly refused to
comb his hair.
II was Mr.. Jaundice who took up
the trail of Pitcher Cox, hero of the
1920 Political Series. In looking
his pillow for campaign funds, Cox
found nothing but cluster of stuffed
raspberries. All the crooked boys be-
gan taking their whiskey straight
Jerome was at his best when talk
ing to reporters about a bomb plot
His famous epigram of whats new
today boys " has been repeated in
seven languages, not including the
profane. Clever old bird that he
wasn't, Jerome would answer a ques-
tion by asking one. The representa-
tives of the press thought so much OF
him that they never misquoted Jerome
unless he said something.
Illustrating the high regard in which
he was held by the reporters, an anec-
dote is told of Jerome's famous inter-
view given by Gan Greene, the City
Hall Writer for "The Evening Under
world" Old-timers, who have been
in the newspaper business for the
last three weeks, often recall the
scene with a reminiscent chuckle.
The younger reporters drop their work
to listen to the tale. If nobody is
telling the story, the boys drop their
work anyway. If they haven't any
work to do they take up their labors
where they left off.
Jerome who had a big heart and
only a few things the matter with his
liver, was fond of repeating the story
himself. The only drawback was that
he had forgotten the incident. But
those trifes never bothered Mr.. Jaun-
dice.
1t seems that Gan Greene had heard
that Jerome had been drinking heav-
lily with a certain young lady. Any
body, including revenue agent,
knows how expensive that is. Gan ap-
preached Jerome, not as gambler
but as a reporter, to learn the harrow
ing details of the divorce suit brought
against Mr.. Jaundice.
"My wife walked in just as was
paving for the wine," said Jerome.
"She threw bungstarter at me and
forgot to duck"
'eWho was the Master Mind in back
of your action" asked Gan Greene.
There wasn't any," answered Je-
rome. at was an Absent Mind"