The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-04-11

have given it is evident that the habit | of telling others about yourself is by no
 means a recent innovation in literature. But there can be no doubt that 1t is
 being refined and made more universal
 than ever before. Thus we have Dr.
 Henry Van Dyke, in the current Scrib- ner's mafaztne, introducing his delight
 ful remarks by telling how he feels about the editor. Writing of this au- gust parsonage. who has apparently an-
 nounced the authors writing as a
 comment on current events" Dr. Van Dyke goes on:
 on can fancy him shaking his head, or uf you do not know him personality even tearing his hair, over such a stretching of the familiar phrase. But he is more likely to smile tolerantlv a6s let his wayward contributor run on. or this amiable license 1 propose to avail myself not only in this paper but also
 in the others to follow"
 Thus we have drifted, all unconsciously
 into this intimate age of literature, in which each one of us who is capable
 of expressing himself at all, has carte
 blanche to go as far as he likes Dr. Frank Crane tells us almost daily what he thinks of the universe, and does not hesitate to expose his own faiIirfgs and E. W. Howe. who, with William Allen
 White, is more or less responsible for Kansas, says of love in his Ventures in Common Sense:"
 Love is usually regarded as a di- vine thing everyone should toy with but it is devilish little affair that should be closely watched. Rum and cigarettes, arch fiends as they are, have never bothered me: but love has been whipping me vigorously ever since I was 12 years old.
 Finally. I am sorry brought up the subject I know nothing about it.
 With these distinguished precedents
 or view, and, as have pointed out, this being an age of self-reveiation,
 may be pardoned if I refer to a com paratively recent experience of my own,
 or how 1t feels to shoot yourself
 It is one thing, imagine, to be shot on the field of battle, when, owing to the stress of action, one may not be fully conscious of anything personal, so strong is the hypnosis of intense activity. 1t is quite another to shoot ones self when one is calmly sitting on Sunday afternoon in ones library as I was. With a quite laudable desire to extract all the bullets from an automatic revolver, thus rendering it innocuous before Nv
 ing it away, put bullet clean through my leg. My first act was to jump up in the air like pinked Indian. My next act was to shout out: "Send for LOS QOCIOTs nave SnOl InyS
 This was quite bad form, and if had the time to rehearse it would have improved on such an alarming announce ment. It brought all the members of my family to me who were able to stag ger to the scene. I was quite beyond all feeling of fright, being wholly con- cerned with an intense curiosity as to whether had cut an artery. This feel ing, curiously enough, was quite per ing curious enough, was quite inper- sonal, It was as if I had gone back to infancy, and thought of myself as he Another curious thing about the affair was that it occasioned me no pain, merely a slight sense of fullnesS, nor was there any pain afterward, except when the limb was moved suddenly
 An imposing looking ambulance, with several affable officials, arrived almost The pleasantest part of the affair was that once in my life my orders were immediately carried out 1 that an assortment of tine latest books should accompany me. For they had arrived from my of- flee on previous express and they were forthwith dumped into the anfsSiance. This is only one striking instance of my great presence of mind. I was ~~cen to large corner room, stopping on my way to be ex-rayed. Beautiful women, so beautiful that even now words fail me in describing them, hoVered around me continuously. I was rubbed and soothed, and fed and pampered, and there being no telephone near, and no body to get a genuine knowledge of what is going on in the world Is to shoot yourself accidentally and be trans ported to a hospital Select spot on your person where the inconvenience will be so slight as to afford you no particular anxiety. Arrange beforehand to have an amount of suitable literature accompany you. I suggest the Fables of George Ade, one of Hergersheimer's novels, any book written by any mem ber of the Adams family of Boston, and lane Austens Pride and Prejudice" Also instruct your newsletter in advance | Q leave all the newspapers. While lying in bed, with several beautiful ladies smoothing your brow, to discuss the League of Nations. the presidential pos- abilities, the rights of women, and the price of silk hose as if you really knew something about them, will add eclat to he occasion. An ordinary vacation is nothing compared with it. On an ordin- ary vacation you are at the mercy CT else In hospital you can give orders like a major general and about half the time get away with them, 1 which is more than ar / genuine Ameri- can can say happens in the bosom Of ais family.