Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-07-29
THE GOWNSMAN
Meeting the Cook

was an unusual effort at spruccness
about him which was ominous. He had
on his second best clothes, or at least n
suit which we had never seen him wear
in the country except to arrive and de-
part in. As he took off his hat to wipe
his forehead, which was bedewed with
anxiety, we noticed that his hair had
been carefully combed--that is as much
as there is to comb of it--and. casting
our eyes down to his other extremity
lest we should appear too narrowly to be
appraising him-for we are fond OF
Smithers-we will testify under oath
of miracle-that the shoes OF
Smithers shone like two effulgent
bronze suns. Clearly, as the boys would
put it, there was something doing.
THERE are people who maintain that
l. all fords are alike. Perhaps they
are potentially; for if they don't rattle
now. they will pretty soon; and IL they
don't skip now, they will skip tomor-
row, and IL they do not look disreputable
as yet. little lapse of time and YOUR
particular new glossy darling, off OF
which you now fleck the dust with your
silk handkerchief, will inevitably join
the great army of the unwashed. Cast
ing our eyes among the miscellaneous
vehicles which are drawn up in line at
our country station. from the sedan in
which n harcm vciled lady is sitting,
from her imperturbability do"btless
awaiting her husband, to the broken
down buggy in which two half grown
country girls are being silly, the
Gownsman failed to identify Smithers's
eQuipage. This was remarkable, for the
couipagc Of Smithers Is easily "spotted, y
as il is known far and wide and is one
of the features of our countryside. True
it is only ford, but ford with a
difference. and that difference consists
in studied neglect. an abandoned DIS
an orchestral audibleness,
made UP of knocks and bangs and
rattles, groanings, meanings, gratlngs
and grindings. which some of Smithers s
farmer neighbors have emulated sedu.
lously, each in his own sweet way, but
none Of them has as yet attained.
Smithers, how did you get
IL down? Didn't walk. did you::'
"No," he replied somewhat hcsi-
family. "Camc down as usual in the
car" Smithcrs always speaks respect.
fully of his ford rs "thc. ear.
has not bred in Smithers
any contempt for his ford, but only
species of respectful and puzzled
wonder as to what "the durn thing -
the Gownsman regrctfully quotes
Smithers-can possibly do next.
"Your car!' One likes to humor
Smithcrs.
was. newly painted. newly upholstered,
every bit of brass shining As it polished
bv the nautical men called SwnbbcrS:
Even the top had been varnishcd and
Mrs. Smithcrs and the little Smthcrs
were radiantly sitting therein.
"What's happened. SmithcrS: Any
body left you a legacy?"
"No. not exactly he.anSwcred some
what shccpishly; and then. in n burst
Of confidence. as if it were murder and
80 had to come out: "GOu see we're
expecting the cook. and thought that
we might as well spruce up bit.
A Nd "spruccd up" the SmithcrSes
- certainly were. Inquiry elected that
not only "thr car" had been painted
and tuned. but the house also aud the
piano. There had been plasterers and
plumbers and putticrS.
There had been masonS and ironsmiths
and stovcmen and roofcrs. There had
been gardeners and truckmcn and poul-
+rymcn and veterinarians. The farmer $
boy had had his hair cut and had been
sworn to wear shoes the whole summer.
The old COW had been exchanged for an
IIp- to date Aldernry who gives only
'rcam: on chilly days. ice cream; and
the dog had been coached in his man
ners. Altogether there was never a
family so completely ''dolled up" as
the SmithcrS. who may verify be said
to have risen to the occasion.
MO WONDER that Smithcrs was
~ nervous in the moment Of the
rlimax Of this great cndeavor. \ some
time popular poet once sang that "civil :
lied man cannot live without dinner.
and he rhymcd "dinner' somehow or
other with "sinnrr.' which is what
the hungry man i very apt to become.
it would seem to wise men
among which the Gownsman would
modestly be numbcrcd-that due pre-
for the Turing. capture and re-
teution of that imperative necessity Of
modern life. the artistic in dinners, are
not only proceedings reasonable and
justifiable but actually rcfcrable to that
first of all laws the law of self preser-
walton. Wherefore. once more. Smith :
ers was not only within his rights; his
proceedings were really highly lauda
tory as we'll as picturesque and revolu =
tionary in the extreme. Indeed If the
cxigencies of culinary necessity are to
paint our houses. nov our lawns, re-
arrange our establishments into order
and repair, tune our pianos and our
fords, and make our Smithers neat in
dress and suave in manners, perhaps
the high cost of living has not beer
wholly in vain.
TN THE midst Of these meiitations
l. there was a footing and Hutter OF
expectancy and the train puffed into
the station. We observed that Smithers
was nervous. Perhaps after all she
might not come; and think of such
efforts as those of Smithcrs as expend
cd fruitlcsslv. The last passenger hat
alighted. No. not the last; they were
holding the train for a spacious person
with a flowing veil who appeared tt
be having some difficulty in getting her.
self and her properties out Of the Pull
man, despite the help Of porter, con.
ductor. brakeman and other public
functionarios. At last she ALT. (Thi
does not seem the proper word
"Alightcd" is worse: 'got down" i
betterD The GownSman will not at
tempt the description Of so exalted {
parsonage except to confess that he re
marked that her face was rubicund ant
her hat as prodigious and commanding
as herself, besides being a delicate pinl
as to its feathers. Curving in billow!
sweeps downward the modest eye OBJ
served that her shoes were fashionabl
and tan and-hush-that her stocking
were blue, considerable and silk, an,