davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

be REMARKED. and tell tho public
of our second marriage only. Third,
pretend that we are remarked. We
have discussed all three options.
We do not like to announce next
November that we have been mar
ried a year and half. as my wife
has been working as a single girl
ever since our secret marriage, and
she will continue to work after we
begin living together next Novem-
ber. We do not like to be married
a second time to each other, as the
idea of two marriage certificates
does not appeal to either of us. We
dislike very much to pretend that
we are married at some date in Mo-
vember, and 1t would be very diff
ficult to "get by" with such pre-
tense IL it were desirable. So, We
have decided. as yet, on no plan
incident with the announcement OF
our marriage.
What suggestions and advice can
you give? MlNNESOTA-
You have been fortunate In no.
running into any previous difficu-
ties about your secret marriage
and your present dilemma is simp-
ly one OF the fruits Of the clandes-
tine marriage, which think Is
always mistake. 1t seems to
me that the best, cleanest and most
satisfactory solution will be TO
announce your marriage as having
taken place when 1t did. II you
resort to q second mar Rage cere-
mony. and the first is afterward
discovered by either relatives or
friends, there will alawys be a
question about the first one. Such
questions are very hard to clear
up. II would be difficult to, pretend
a second ceremony because there
are always busybodies willing to
take the trouble to watch the list
Of marriage licenses printed daily
in all the newspapers or look the
matter up at the local marriage
bureau. From the tone OF your
letter, | am sure you are a man
who will want to avoid at all costs
any doubt falling upon your mar
riage or your wife.
When you make the announce
ment, make 1t very explicit. giving
the date, the city, the church, and
the clergyman's name. Then, IL
any Of the Polly Prys doubt the
statement, they will have no diff
Guilty assuring themselves of the
fact. 1t will cause q nine days
wonder, perhaps, but II no one can
disprove any detail of the an
nouncement, they can have no real
criticism to make and will soon
turn to newer and more engros-
sing gossip.
You undoubtedly read OF Fannie
Hurst's secret marriage, Just an
nounced. IL was FIVE years old
yet she took the simple straight.
forward method of announcing il
Just as II had taken place. In my
mind second ceremony would
tend TO cheaper and make light OF
the marriage ceremony first per-
formed and OF the whole marriage
ceremony itself. Pretense of q
second -ceremonB would unAoobt-
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

have read your your very good
advice to others, and / hope you
will be able to solve this problem
for me. j am just twenty-five years
OF age. But md myself very dis
contented. / never seem to meet
tho right kind Of men. The men l
have met take life too seriously. for
l am not In love and therefore do
not enjoy going around with some
one 1 do not care anything for.
They seem to think girl Is wlid
about them the first time they take
her out, and the only place they
can go is some quiet place to spoon.
Don't think / am bookworm or a
college-bred girf fed up on educa-
tion. love to dance and enjoy aii
outdoor sports.
wonder IL you can tell me where
the men hide who really have some
sense and try to show a girl real
good time? I sincerely hope you
can help mo and understand my
point OF view. FANNIE MAY
Patience, my dear, such men as
you want do not come in droves,
nor do they always come early in
life. I'm a firm believer in the
theory that we get out OF life in
proportion as we put into 1t. Put
your own life and thoughts, aims
and ambitions in order and you
will put yourself in the right mood
A. .txp~~x <h~ vkwAk Kind nf Yn1n-
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:


am a young girl eighteen. not
exactly helpless. but hopeiessly in
love with q young man twenty-five.
/ have known him for about six
months and have found him always
a gentleman in every sense OF the
word. He calls on me at least
once q week, but never approaches
the subject of love. Miss Fairfax,
in this case what course should =
young girl pursue7 I might add
that he regularly attends dances
and other frivolities with girls not
exactly the type I would approve
Of. Do you think IL would be q
wise plan for me to approach the
subject (say, in q roundabout
way? realize that this is leap
year, but that can be put to one
side in this case. VAMPED.
Pursue the course which is fur
therest away from pursuing the
man or you'll lose him as sure as
you live. Have you evsr fished
for trout with O slender bamboo
rod with a fine silk line baited
with a Parmanchenee Belle? II
you have, I don't need to say an
other word, because you will know
with what infinite care you had to
cast your fly; how quiet you had
to sit in the canoe; how cleveriy
you had to snap the rod when you
felt the tiny "pull" at the end Of
the line. If you haven't, any good
devotee Of Isaac Walton will ex-
plain to you that the whole secret
Of trout fishing is not to snap your
rod until you've got your trout
hooked. Otherwise your little
trout goes swimming down
stream, wary of bright, appetix-
ing looking flies at least for the
remainder Of that particular day.
That's the nearest comparison l
know to catching a man in the
matrimonial stream. II he gets a
hint you are angling for him, If he
as much as scents the orange bios.
SONS or hears, even remotely and
from afar, the tinkle of the mar
riage bells, he will be gone, my
dear, gone before you can say Jack
Robinson. Haven't / told you be-
fore, that no man ever INTENDS
to marry. AS far as he's con-
cerned, it just happens. He gets
the notion the girl doesn't want
him, and then he has to prove she
does; or he gets the idea some
other fellow is going to make off
with her before he can and then he
plunges in head over heels.
Take Mary AIMS perfectly good
advice; develop a poker face"
and don't show your hand until
this young man calls it. Don't
admit, even to yourself, that you
are "vamped," or that he has you
"buffaloed"-an expression you
will perhaps understand. better
than the fishing metaphor. Con-
centrate on attracting instead Of
being attracted. There's a tre-
mendous difference, you know,
and as the little + street girl says,
it's a case Of swamp" or be
'yampsd-"
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
ISN'T 1T GREAT

when you write a letter
That would cause a jury
To give your wife
A quick divorce
IL she ever found II.
And you 60 downtown
And leave the letter
On your desk At home.
Suddenly you think about N
And get hot and cold by turns
And rush back to md your wife
In your room reading a letter
And you grab II up
And sink to chair
To ind that the letter
Is from dear mother-in-law.
And the letter TO Maud
Is still on your desk
And wine hasn't found II.
Isn't II grand and glorious.
EARLE II. RECTOR
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
PECULIAR "ADS."

There's unconscious humor in these class
ined ads;
FOR sALE--Fuil- biooded COW giving milk,
three tons OF hay. a lot OF chickens, and
several stoves
WANTED--Furnished room by elderly lady
with electric lights.
FOR sALE-Baker's business, good trade
large oven. owner been In II seven years
FOR RENT-A room suitable for a sfntlo-
man ~ by feet.
FOR sALE-bu,l dog; will pat anything;
wANTED-Boy to deliver oystsrs that cAa
|. NRs-A cAlxRnnr.I.,
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
HOW MANY GEESE IN FLoCKr

A flock of geese flew over a field.
A goose on the ground yelled. Hey.
you hundred geese" whereupon one
of the flock replied, I'VE Amt no
hundred geese" we are; twice az
many, plus half as many, plus a quar-
ter as many, and you would make q
hundred. How many geese in the
flock3 CHASE HARDING.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

George washington's official 3oors~
amith. STUPID STEPHEN" rises -
remark:
Some students who are shy on
brains will be pleased to learn that
. head. even II it Is empty, serves
the following uses: Keeps the collar
column from sticking out, serves ~
. hatrack. and is an intake for the
stomach"
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
CAR TRACK REPAIRS
Is THE JOB EVER D0NEs

When I come here about steen moons ago
First thing l sees IL red lamps In . row.
Axing a man a. 10 driving Q hack
Find its street car Co. liking the track.
Gosh, now that's been, lemms see. quite
a spell,
Reckon them tracks must be getting nxed
we'll,
Else they lust burn Nem to keep me ID
doubt
I swear. Bfi. them red lamps ant nsvsa
gone out
W, C. c
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
ycU CREAM pRoFITEERING

A dealer told me the Wholesale
price Of Ice Cream was increased
twenty cents per gallon few days
ago. One druggist promptly increas-
cd the price of quarts from sixty to
seventy-five cents, and pints from
thirty to forty cents. and yet certain
men object to being called profiteers.
- w LII
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
Writes the Problems and Pitfalls Workers Here
Especially for Washington Women
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
am wondering IL there are not
dozens of lonely people in Wash
ington tonight besides myself. 1
know that there must be and when
l read the letters of others in your
columns, wish so much that 1
could just meet one of the boys who
write such good letters.
1 have been ip Washington near
ly two years. The f1rst year ] was
here ! met a great many young
people, but they were not the kind
/ have been used to going about
with. Ny parents had rather strict
ideas about what young lady
should and should not do and
though I am by no means a prude
l can not accustom myself to the
habit of kissing and being kissed
by every Tom. Dick and Harry,
from goodness-knows-wh Con-
seQuently for the past year I have
not sought to make many new ac-
Quaintances.
Being constantly "stung" in every
too, drove me to 60 around a great
deal alone. But that is so lone
some. besides it is not good taste
and I am constantly embarrassed
by wou1d-be flirts. I have grown
up in a family of boys, / under
stand them better than / do most
girls and have never failed to have
plenty Of boy friends before. 1 miss
their friendship more than that of
girls. In a pal-like way. as one
boy with another. never think of
being serious with every boy 1
meet. I'm simply one who is lone
some for companionship these
beautiful sunny days and glorious
moonlight evenings I prefer
q college or university man, not
less than twenty-one. 1 am young
and a college girl. Jo-LAURIE.
I'm going to suggest that you
take advantage Of the opportunity
to meet cultured men and women
at the Washington Salon, 1413 H
street, directed by Mr.. Rudolph
de Zapp. They have art exhibi-
tions, lectures, language classes,
concerts, dances and several
French clubs.
Your letter surprises me because
a college training, If it does
nothing else, usually develops re-
sourcefulness and an ability to
keep oneself busy and amused.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
Last July my fiancee and I de-
cided that IL would be real roman
tic to go down to New York over
the weekend. be quietly married.
and keep the ceremony entirely
secret for two years. and then an
nounce IL to our friends and rela-
tives at the end OF such period. We
were secretly married as planned.
and today, ten months after the
marriage. no one save the civil and
ecclesiastioal authorities in New
York, and ourselves. have any
knowledge of our being man and
wife.
i leave Washington for Minnesota
within ten days, and will return
next November. My wife win re-
main In Washington: and our plan
Is to begin living together upon my
return TO this city. And there
seems three alternatives open to us.
first announce our marriage Of
July. is1a- nsxt -Notsnbsr. Second
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
THAT "oUEER PROBLEM"

The puzzle submitted py W1Lf"
A. KNIGHT and others, although pux-
sling to many. is readily answered py
H. and s. fans. 1t was:
When the B mt put
When the B putting
Translated 1t is:
when the CRATE be (great b. empty
(mt) put coal on (colon).
when the great be (great By fun
stop () putting coal on (:)-
Tbe answers are by ELIZABETH
swENK. Mrs. GUY MOFFETT. G. ].
MENASCO, r. r. NJ. A. A. BEAU
VERD. Mrs. WOODBURY., Petworth:
HENRY r. SMITH. H.. A. B. l., n Il.
l. "Pat" and Sam.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
YOUR LEFT ELBOW.

Others who answer ks" question:,
"What is 1t you can put in your right
hand but cannot be left in your left
handr' are BOB CHEEKS, JAMES
NELSON, ]. s. MAY. l. e. JOHNSON,
c. l. RILEY, J. L. ARMOUR
They say 1t is your left elbeWI
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

Isn't IL about time the Department.
of Justice does some more talking on
reducing the cost of living? When
they get low on dope about the H.
C. L. they shout Reds" and when
they get low on "Reds" dope they
promulgate new facts on how to re-
duce old II. G. L. Il. M. SULLIVAN.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
He ARD A ND SEEN
aBLACK JACK, PERSHING.

Pershing got his name Of
"Black Jack" while in the Philip
pines, in command of colored
troops. The name originated from
the black troops commanded.
M. J. d,
First Lieut.. p. Scouts.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
ISN'T 1T so, BOT

Let the solons argue and debata.
It's not for US to weep;
A few more "clevah" speeches
And food will be dirt cheap.
PHILIP EBERT
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

OF all parts of all newspapers, l
like. Heard and Seen best. 1t is a
valuable section of The Times for
the District and District people.
THEODORE l.. MEDFORD.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

Il that letter box in front OF the
ticket office at MT. VERNON intended
to be ornamental or useful? Postal
cards mailed there by me Saturday.
May 90, had not reached friends in
Washington May 26.
THOS. EDWARD.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
LOOKS THAT WAY

The men who charged the Hun
will 20 without bonus, while the
men who continue to CHARGE
the public will go unpunished.
A WOUNDED SOLDIER
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
FROM THE NUT FAMILY.

In an envelope addressed "Ye Edi-
tor Of Ye Nut Colyum. Ye Times" is
a communication. part of which 10
given:
MY name is Nut. We read the
nut column every night and think it
hne. We are all nutty over your
column" The heads OF the family
are A. Mutt and Mrs. B. c. H. Nut
with these children: Miss Hazel Nut
w. A. L. Nut, Hick. r. Y. Nut, D
Can. Nut, AL. NJ. d. Nut. Phil Bert
Nut. and the little Miss P. Nut.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

When Daniel Boone, of the "Blue
Flame Boys" Of 7th and F streets,
s. W., MARBLES NANNY O. Nine"
the glare from his new gold incisor
looks like the aurora borealis.
J. F. McKENNA.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

The lizards are beginning to leave
F street and flock around Potomac
river bathing and boating places.
Why can't we enjoy nature without
this infiction? &C.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

LOST-On Potomac Park tennis
courts, by Mr.. REYNES. four pounds.
Finder please return and get reward.
A. J. KUBELDZI6.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

Would the captain Of vessel en-
tering a harbor be liable under the
prohibition law for MAKING PORT!
Y. 7. Z.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29

edly be discovered by some one.
Then they would claim you were
not married. The scandal would
begin. Then IL you tried to end
the gossip by telling Of the first
marriage, no one would believe
you. Make a clean breast Of 1t.
That's the very best way.
The Washington times., 1920-05-29
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
Will you handly advise me upon
the following question:
Is IT, proper for a girl who has
been out to a dance or show with
upon their return. or should she bid
him goodnight at the door.
DOUBTFUL
The lateness of the hour at
which one usually returns from q
dance or the theater precludes IN
viting your guest inside. Instead
you could invite him to call some
evening at a later date.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
One stops to wonder what has be-
1t was only a few weeks ago that
we all anxiously watched 1t.
Several girls have appeared on
one of the fair sex strolling leisure
ly down Twenty-irst street one
bright spring morning. All lookedr
not to be seen now. neither are
the men who so eagerly adopted tho
fad. And doubt very much
whether X. o. X. will see any of tho
fair sex clad in them. for the fad
has passed by like a swift wind.
What has been the result of the
overall movement in washinGtonr
1t has failed. the, overalls arc
never to be worn again.
EADNEp
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21
BANKS DO GOOD WORK.

The banks Of the country deserve
great credit for the educational work
they are doing to guide the public
along conservative and constructive
lines.
Leading financial institutions are
encouraging industrial development
and preaching the work and save
doctrine as the logical remedy to
bring about normal conditions.
Some of the best reading matter of
today is found in bank publications
dealing with current problems,
This is free to the public and has
great educational effect from the
standpoint of showing the reasons
for abnormally high prices and the
remedy,
The truth the banks are teaching
is that our national prosperity rests
on sound industrial system and the
ability of our people to create new
wealth through production and saw
ing.
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21
SENATOR REED GETS HIS.

The democrats of Missouri. in state
convention assembled have spoken
and their decree is the utter repudia-
ton of the Hon James A Reed, the
only representative they have in the
Senate Of the United States. Their
action was decisive and overwhelm-
than two to one.
The proceeding was stormy and the
debate vitriolic, suitable in every par
ticular to the occasion and the con-
duct of the man the convention was
cOndemning. Mr.. Reed has INDUCED
in vituperation and abuse of all who
have differed from him for quite four
years and furnishes new and strik-
ing example of the old-aged decree
that he who draws the sword shall
perish by the sword.
Throughout the war he was as near
actual disloyalty as man could go
and remain in public life, For him
the hour of retribution was inevi-
table. 1t is fitting that it came at the
hands of his own party and especial
ly so that it should have been hasten
ed by exservice men from overseas.
Frank Curlee. Of st, Louis, an ex-
service man denounced the senator in
unmeasured terms, declaring:
Missouri has suffered long and has
been patient. but her hour Of vindica-
tion has struck While l was in the
United States Army Senator Reed was
in Washington opposing the food con-
troll. upon which l depended for food,
He had only hate for the president.
hate for England. hate for humanity.
hate for everybody
The women of the state were also
in at the reckoning, Reed had not
only opposed the league of nations
and the whole Versailles treaty but
he had been the bitter and nucompro-
missing foe Of woman suffrage and
they had not forgotten, nor were they
in forgiving mood. They were led
by Mrs, w. w Martin of Cape Girar-
deau, who declared:
"The most difficult problem, the
newly franchised democratic women
voters have is explaining Senator
Reed. We can't explain how we can
endorse the league. and then send to
| the national convention a man who
| is opposing it, The women do not
think 1t logical, You ask us to help
keep Missouri in the democratic
ranks this year. We can do it if you
do not embarrass us with a handicap
like Senator Reed.
The senator was in the plight Of
one who has defenders. but no de-
fense. and he was rejected as dele
gate to the national convention and
1 his name sent back to the distric.
that had nominated him,
We congratulate the Missouri De-
mocracy and trust they will finish
the chastisement they have begun by
refusing Mr. Reed denomination to.
! the United States Senate. We know
| of no man in American public life
who can be better or more happily
spared than this name James A, Reed
1t promises to be great year for
political fatalities, There will be
la ~
reckoning is finished. but it is fitting
that Mr.. Reeds name should head
the ist-Indianopolis (Ind.) Nation
| al Inquirer.
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21

Samuel Gompers' statement that
Congress has displayed almost an
|eagerness to do the wrong thing" is
almost the first time the present Con-
|gress has been accredited with a de-
sire to do anything,
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21

General Wood says that he will ac-
cept Hays for his campaign mana
ger. if nominated If Senator Borah
is to be believed the General acts as
II he would accept anybody for any,
thing from anybody if it will aid him.
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21

The average housewife is of the
opinion that sugar rationing wasn't
such hardship after all. J..
The Winslow mail., 1920-05-21
Questions
often asked us

f. What is certified check?
a a it writes Certified" o
across face of the signs
Cerfcation of check is equivalent to the banks
saying that the of the drawer is genuine; that
drawer has sufficient funds deposit to meet the
O check has apart
by the bank a separate and this fund will
satisfy presented
s. Can check be certified by telephone telegraph?
check be certified by telegraph but by ee-
phone Certifcaton be made IN writing the law
will recognize any other form.
g. What is the proper procedure when
in the mail?
Call at the bank give them the number, date whom
payable amount, bank will stop payment
the check you then issue duplicate, writ
duplicate the check The check
should same date number the
THE BANK OF V||NSLOW
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-04-08
Big Strand Feature.

The presentation of Pioneers pro-
duction of DIR. Jekyll and Mr.. Hyde at
the Strand theatre on Monday, Tues
day and Wednesday next for three
days run rs the main attraction
brings back to the mind of the lovers
of Robert Louis Stevenson. the heroic
and cheerful fight which the great au-
thor made for his life.
From birth Stevenson was very
delicate in health, and as he grew to
manhood the grim hand of tubercu-
losis was laid upon him. In spite OF
his handicap. he turned his back up
on his affliction, and rapidly became
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-04-08

ing farewell. as It proved forever. to
his home and friends. he set out Tor
one of the South Sea ISLANDS, Whers
r. was hoped the balmy air would
soon repair the ravages of his MAJ
ady.
For several years under the trop.
ical skies he wrote about his beloved
London, from which he was exiled oy
disease, ever sweet at heart and ever
hopeful. But death overlook him'
and resigning himself 70 the inesIta-
BILE he died with a smile ON ms i"oe'
and was buried.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-04-08
lNT1he


1TN@CcnG 1bcAtfc.
Fighting Grossly" Blanche Sweets
newest Jesse ID. Hampton-Pathe pro-
duction. which m to the Crescent
Theatre today for three days. is an
adaptation of Bret Harte's virile story.
Greasy" 1t is a tale of the pioneer
days of the West where men and
women lived according to their W
code OF morals.
Its chief character is Greasy. the
daughter of Hiram McKinstry. who
had migrated from Kentucky in
gagged In a feud with old Man Har-
risOn over a boundary line.
Greasy being the prettiost girl in the
community, attracts the OF
John Ford, the school master, but she
does not respond to his attentions. as
she has fallen in love with Joe
Masters, O cousin OF the Harrisons.
This perplexed young man. however,
finds his love-making greatly handi-
capped by Cressy's hatred for the
Harrisons and her extreme family
pride. A McKinstry speak TO n Harri-
son when they're "foudin' ?" NeVerl
A time comes whom the Q
reaches the danger point n Joe Is
by one of the McKinstry men
Cressy hides him in the barn and
successfully holds 1t until her father
Then Greasy breaks the news
to the McKinstrys and the Harrtsons
she has bought the legal title to
the land and hat she and Joe are
going to live there.
Blanche Sweet is ideally last In the
role of Cressy. The supporting cast
Includes Pell Trenton. Russell Simp-
son, Walter Perry. Edward Peil, An
Short, Georgia Stone, Billie Ben
nett and Eunice Moore.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-04-08

n OF the leading English authors
As a writer Stevenson seemed to pos
sess two styles widely separated. Ro-
mantle adventure, as exemplihed in
Treasure Island and The Master of
Ballantre, c~ontrasted s~trikingly with
the fatalistic note of tragedy which
runs through such tales as the Bottle
Imp and DIR. Jekyll and MFR. Hyde.
At the height OF his fame his physi-
clans ordered him to leave England
and seek n milder climate IL he wish
ed to stay the inroads of the dread
disease from which he suffered. Say