Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-09-08
The Windmill

Most warmly, ladies, do we greet
you,
Turnout the land we shake your
hand,
Please note our most intense elation:
We're almost sure that you will
The crying evils of the nation.
For many years we males have
striven
With votes and pills to end our
ills;
But all, alas, in vain we've given.
How often have we paused to Won
der
Just when we might attain what's
right
And shoe away each leering blunder.
How frequently we've used profan-
ity
And moaned and sighed and
groaned and cried
At some political inanity
But tho We try to act like sages
We always fail; our ardent wall
Is put in words on history's pages.
And so we look to you, dear ladies,
TO heed our yelp and give us help
And make our land seem less like
Hades.
Harsh Is the task and tough the
tussle;
We urge you all to heed the call
And enter in with soul and muscle.
Perform. we beg, your civic duties
With might and main and heart
and brain,
And give US politics new beauties.
Accept 1t as a holy mission;
With virtue rake the arrant fake
And smite the florid politician.
Let loose on wrong your cleansing
torrent:
Be true and fam and vote with
care;
In short. be all THAI we men aren't.
Well. we're Off again. trying to
decide who are the five most beau
tiful women in the world. We shall
be willing to chalk one up for prog
ress when the hunt is for the five
who make the most delectable pies
or for the Ave who gossip least in
the course of fortnight.
4 <
It's horrid that our rents SO high,
And. worse, it's growing horrider;
No wonder all these nations try
To grab the Danzig cirrider.
The candidates when they are not
front porchtng. are swinging around
the vicious circle. If they'd swing
at the vicious circle they might
evoke more cheers.
II takes all kind of cities to make
a world. including New York, which
demands recount Of It's census re-
turns and at the same time bleats
about the housing shortage.
III IT HAD BENIN THE PAPERS
Barcelona, May 3, 1493-It Is re-
ported here that Admiral Christie
pher Columbus has arrived with. his
three ships, The Santa Maria, the
Nina and the Pima, at the port Of
Palos, claiming the discovery of 9
NEW route to the Indies. This re-
port has been received with grea
reserve by all competent authori.
ties, 1t is pointed out that the So
| called sadmiraP has been ava.
| from Spain only year and claims
| to have sailed directly westward
whereas every navigator of any pre-
tension in the city knows that tn,
Indies lie due east.
| "Ridiculous!" declared the abbo
of the Convent of Estevan when in
terviewed at Salamanca today. .
| don't see how any one in his senses
| can credit such silly yarn. This
fellow Columbus was here severa
| years ago and his absurd theorie.
We're officially rejected by a scientific
| commission appointed by the kine
himself. I understand since then h
has wormed himself into the coma
dence Of their majesties by some
| conjuring trick or other with an egs
| that stands upright. But that alter.
neither the facts Of geography o.
| religion.
! This Columbus person had tn,
| effrontery to inform the commission
| that the world was round-actually
| round, like ball-ignoring the OBJ
vious physical fact that the inhabi-
tants of the earth would drop off the
edge of a curved surface just as they
would from the dome of a church
On such contention his whole plarl
of discovery was founded and you
can imagine what a result he would
achieve on such basis. He is
merely q shrewd adyenturer with g
plausible manner. II by chance nc
has blundered across a hitherto un-
known island, or something of that
sort, you can rest assured that 1t Is
of no Importance whatever. 1t is
much more likely, however, that the
supposed new land will never be
heard Of again. Scientific progress
does not originate in q madhouse or
the mind of common sWindler."
They say that lightning never
strikes twice in the same place. But
Cox and Harding will both tell you
it isn't so In Ohio.
A wisconsin woman has just
walked up after a little doze of two
years. She must have been reading
some of the speeches in the last
campaign.
A California man, 100 years old.
has taken out a license to wed q
lady friend of 70. Better hurry the
ceremony along or there won't be
time for the divorce