The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-05-07
ON SECOND THOUGHT
By JAY e. HOUSE.
(From Philadelphia Public Ledger.l
A Few words with Ring Iardner.

n
Sir think you ought to know
about how you are making trouble in
my family and L would of wrote you
about it before. only never thought
of it till this minute. You see on ac-
count of US living in a room and bath
Adelaide does not have nothing
much to do on Sunday morning but
make trouble. And so we sat around.
me smoking and saying nothing and
her looking at the pictures and read
! ing the automobile advertising and
about how YOU can rent two rooms and
bath over a grocery store for $500 a
month, or $3.50 a month without the
bath. which is all right with me, be-
cause 1 hate to take one anyway.
Well. pretty soon she looks over at me
and says. rs that your third or fourth
cigar this morning." and / says. Il
don't remember and what difference
does it make, because while am not
| rich. and far from it, L am able TO
afford all of the cigars L want To
smoke, be they much or little. on ac-
! count of me having a brother-in-law in
| the business and getting them on
| rate at nine cents apiece.
Well, that shuts her up for little
while, but you know it never is perma-
nent, Ring, and about the time l settle
back and forget I'm married again she
| says, Have you read Ring Lardners
article this morning." And 1 says. I
have not, and please do not call 1t an
article for anybody who has been
married to a newspaper man for eight
years ought to know that anything
that gets into a newspaper is stuff.
and that's what this fellow Lardner
writes" Then she says, well, you
ought to read it because it is very
frava
this fellow Lardner?' and she says,
| NO; of course not" and I says, well,
IL you ever seen him they might be
some excuse in your laughing at him,
but unless you have seen him they a,e
nothing funny about him." And then
she says, "All that's the matter with
YOU is thai you're jealous. You claim
to be humorist. but you haven't said
anything funny since ] met you. If
man can't say anything funny in
eleven years he is not humorist, and,
besides. if You were a humorist We
probably would be living in a house in
! Greenwich, Connecticut. instead of u
room and bath in West Philadelphia.
L laugh at Mr.. Lardner every Sunday,
and imagine he is so funny he keeps
his wife in good humor all the time"
Well, the first thing anybody knows
there is row on and another Sunday
is spoiled. l haven't had a peaceful
Sunday since you come east. and L
think You ought to know it. If a man
, is breaking up another mans home it
is nothing more than right that he
should be told about it,
on probably wonder why I don't
like your stuff and never read it,
think you talk too much about your
self The way you do ii and get away
with It makes me sick I was the first
coiumnist who ever talked about him
self in his column. and L was doing it
and getting by with it when you was
in high school in Niles. Michigan. IL
you ever was in high school, which I
doubt. And here you come along and
steal, my stuff and get rich at it, An
other thing, you are not reliable. L
have tried your recipe for making rye
whisky. ] got it when I was out in
Kansas last winter. I want to say to
the readers of the paper who you are
trying to misiead that you can't drink
the stuff after it is made. ] didn't try
your recipe for Scotch. I wouldn't
try to make Scotch on a bet. That's
what 1 think of Scotch. But I do say
they are no recipe for Scotch that
tastes any worse than Scotch does.
J. e. II.
; Observations OF the Callowhin Thistle.
The women of the world are divided
Into two classes: those who are locked
away in the harem and those who
wish they were.
There is much more to life than the
duty of potential parenthood.
Nothing expands a man so much as
to ask his advice on any subject.
1t is perfectly justifiable to mislead
a snoop. THE THISTLE.
We note another entry in the cate
CORY of supine foolishness. We refer.
of course, to the overall fad" When
} it comes to the matter of negotiating
distance without getting anywhere the
American people are the greatest trav-
elers in the world.
There are so many opportunities for
getting rich that it seems hardly worth
while to direct the attention of the
poor and worthy 10 another. But the
fact is. the Usage Indians have sold
their oil leases. and have collected the
money.