davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

a soft drink. If excessive candy
eatin' wuz confined I children it
could be curbed. but fully matured,
supposedly intelligent people are tn
principal offenders. Candy eatin'
ruins tn desire fer substantial foods
an works no end O. hardship an
disappointment on mothers an
wives. "Anybuddy that knows any
thing knows what happens when
some member of a household gifts
persnickety about their eatin'." said
Squire Swallow. as he gave Fan
Mopps tn custody Of her seven chill
dren an ordered her husband out o.
town. In a raid on a social club in
tn K. O. p buildin', last night, Con-
stable Plum confscated one ouija
board, a complete candy maxim out
st an a ukulele. Pinky Kerr says
that when Their used L be regular
saloons with blinds an screens an
sawed-of doors you could tell ever
fellow in town by his feet.
Copyright, 1920
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

Upon a complaint OF his wife,
Lafe Bud was arraigned before
Squire Marsh Swallow, this mornin'.
charged with failure Z provide, de-
sertion an bein' an habitual candy
drunkard. Mrs. Bud related that
she'd repeatedly pleaded with vari-
Gus candy dealers not Z sell Z her
husband an named a certain livery
stable keeper as actin as a inter
mediary between her husband an
tn candy stores. She said that she
had found caramels hidden about tn
cellar an other out o. tn way places
that upon remonstratin' with her
husband he had struck her an
threatened her life-that once, after
he had been absent from home fer
six days he wuz found in tn Greco
Roman candy kitchen. She reported
that her baby wuz without winter
clothin' an that tn coal wuZ out
She asked fer tn custody o. Their
child an Their weddin' gifts. She
complained that he had squandered
SIS which she had received from
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
Moderation Much
Needed to Combat
World ScrambLeS
BY r. y. MORRISON.

Most OF us need 90 be urged %
do the thing We are not doing or
10 do what we are doing less On
tensely. We run naturally % eN-
tremes.
The crowd on the deck OF th-
thrOnEed excursion ship rushes en-
Enthusiastically 20 the rail 20 watch
the vessel passing 10 larboard- The
ship lists and the human treigh.
sCrambles madly 90 starbOard. III.
ship lists aEa.n and the crowd fight
Its way back from danger. And 80
forth. % eternity We are foreve
rushing 20 starbcard CT larboard fOr
a better view OF the passing sho1..
and as constantly our excuses are
rocking the boat
Before the war we were the mos.
eXtravaEant people on the face U-
the earth. We all crowded 20 the
rail 10 see the show. Then came
the war and the ship began 10 list.
The crying need was 20 saye-tO save
every dollar. every pound OF sugar.
every loaf OF bread. Pulpit. plat
form and press combined 10 preach
the necessity We s4yed Had We
continued 10 hoard our resource
after peace came with the sam
degree OF persistence thsg marked
our war effort. the ship would hay.
listed again. many legitimate bus-
ness enterprises would have suffer
ed. But we gave the craft no chanCe
10 list. As soon as we had peace all
rushed again 10 the opposite rail-
wildly enthusiastic 10 see the more
entertaining sights. AS a people for
a year We have been spending with
an abandon never quite approx
mated. II is 40 wonder that many
a warning voice Is heard calling the
nation from danger
Ii IS because Of the inclination OF
people 10 go 10 extremes that lead
ers Of public thought usually talk
in extremes. BY radical counsel
they seek to balance extreme ac-
lions and tendencies and strike
happy mean. So 10 happens that
very little OF the advice given b.
applicable 10 everyone
Thus, while most people today
need 20 be urged TO save. there are
some who are now saving 20 the
limit of ability and beyond the limit
dictated 10y wisdom. They need 10
be urged 10 spend more.
A preacher might appear before
two congregations in the same da>S
che a deeply pious audience and the
other a worldly. thoughuess group.
He might tell the first that the
greatest need is for men 10 spend
less time with their Bibles and more
time with their fellowmen. He
might tell the second that the
greatest need is for men 10 spend
more time with their Bibles and
less time in learning the ways Of
their fellows.
And in both cases he would be
consistent
The truth would probably he
that the need is for all men TO all
tend equally 20 the spiritual and the
material Yet he might feel that
such preachmen would fail TO reach
the mark with either congregation.
IL is worth while occasionally TO
take stock OF ones self. It serves
the same purpose as applying the
brakes 10 an automobile when APP
preaching a curve. We viii usually
find that we are running 20 exc
tremes.
The autoist never knows how fast
he is going until he Is called upon
10 stop suddenly.
OF course. il Is not nearly so exc
citing 70 remain I'm the cabin as t
Is 20 Join in the mad rush 20 th.
rail-but it's a lot safer.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
What EUery Woman Would Like
To KnO1g

Here are some more things,
Which every woman would like
70 know!
She would like TO know;
How a man can laugh az women's
clothes, after he has caught a
glimpse Of himself in the mirror.
Why a man assumes that al
angels are blondes, ard that there
fore all blondes must be angels
unless he happens TO be married TO
one.
Why a man calls it news" when
he tells something. and gossip"
when a woman tells IT,
Why a man thinks that II IS
necessary TO use only one brain-cell
in conversing with his wife.
Why a man spends half Of his life
in thinking up alibis to escape doing
things. and the other half in hunt
ing up things for a woman to do.
Why even a divorced husband
lends q woman a mysterious fascina-
ton, in the eyes Of a man, that no
spinster can ever hope TO attain.
Why the feminine qualities with
which a man falls in love no more
resembles those which he wants IN
wife than a jazz-tIne resembles
the doxolOgy.
Why every married man consti-
tutes himself a detective" ard
pounces upon a forgotten piece II
cheese in the ice-box as prima facie
evidence" OF his wife's attempt "a
impoverish him.
Why a scintillating remark from
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

an index in the Pyle investigation, and conditions
save in a couple of instances have changed.
The entire attitude OF the Main st. paper toward
Mr. Pyle's address seeking to belittle its import
the attitude OF brazen hypOcrite: that is unless It
wishes to confess itself fawning again at the feet
OF the city hall corruptionists intent upon inimiz-
ing their responsibilities the public and the COW
ering-up OF their sins Mr. Pyle committed one error
in his talk, locating resort near" the corner Of
Colfax and Michigan St. as at Colfax and Michi-
gan northwest corner" slip Of the tongue. He
apologies to the occupant, a respectable lady, ap-
Lrecatve Of his good intentions but the city hall
organ would have II appear from that one mistake,
that his entire schedule wrong Naturally the
aggregation IS making every effort to get under
cover-but we have observed no move to interfere
with the operations OF the vice concession holders.
However. our contemporaries attitude in this
ter fundamental with #. that perhaps in
the future IL may be the thing expect. Discuss
ing the hospital taken by the Chamber of Com.
merce. the other day. It delight, that
THE people prefer TO leave matters OF adj
rninistraton governments to their duly
elected representatives. This is nothing To
persons of experience in city administration
and general politics IL IS common knowledge
and always taken into consideration"
OF course, that intended a sort of slam
at the Chamber of Commerce management. which
sometimes acts without contemporaries advice.
but is significant also of that papers seeming view
that the people. having set up government at
election. should 70 interest themselves in civic
matters but to their representatives to do
as they please. Follow it:
For years civic workers have been trying 10
persuade people to interest themselves actively
in public affairs They have not been successful
for a very good The average person
evidently does not want to be bothered with
civic affairs and leave the details them. The
result is infrequently maladministration
but It has been gross enough to create a
demand for a change in the system OF repre-
sentative government"
Easy enough from this to get the viewpoint OF
the city hall gang, and its journalistic mouthpece.
with regard to the rights Of citizens demand that
their government be conducted decently and in good
order The hospital vote has merely served
vehicle the spread OF a little propaganda. cal
culated convey the impression to the public that
in the big majority. the people are not exerting,
and should not exert themselves, TO get anything
from their government that they especially want.
No. gooG citizens. you not expected, especially
just this time to interest yourself in the mall
administration of your city-and the man who does,
why, OF course he be discredited II POSSIBLE.
and If necessary to make the desired grade.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
Mrs. Solomon Says
Being Confessions of Wife 7OOth

And when she had looked upon his
face, the fourth damsel raised up her
hands, and fell down at his feet
crying:
"Oh prince, what a lucky woman
am I, that / should be permitted TO
gaze upon thee. and to listen unto
thee!
How beautiful are thy locks of
spun gold. and thy beard is more
dazzling than a sunset
How brilliant are thy jokes. and
how wise are thy judgments!
How broad are thy shoulders,
how admirable thy strength. and
how wonderful thy golf-scOrel
Surely. surely. thou art a poet
a philosopher, and a mighty warrior
and 1 am n fortunate woman, even
to behold thee!"
And the young prince smiled and
addressed her saying:
Arise, woman, and go deck thy
self for thy weddingl For thou
shall have 46 bridesmaids and a dia-
mond sunburst!
Verify, verify. If I desire beauty,
can buy pictures for my walls;
and If I desire wit I can find IL in
books; and If I desire a cook and a
valet, I need not seek them in mar
riage
But where. oh where. can I pur-
chase devotion, such as thine, in all
Babylonw
Go to! Go to, We foolish ones, who
seek TO appeal 70 a mans eyes, and
10 his mind. and to his senses, and
to his heart;
For To- his vanity exceedeth all Of
these.
And. wherefore shall any man
marry a woman, save for one rea-
son-even. in order to acquire some
one TO help him love himself?
Co1oh
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
OUR MUNICIPAL MALADMINISTRATION
AND ITS JOURNAL ISTIC APOL OGIST.

II HIS IS a good time TO backslide. Another cam
paign is approaching To enhance the forget
fulness OF the South Bend public incident tho
approach or the fall canvass. it is noticeable that
the Main hypocrite is discardng its recently
nounced "indere ndent." righteous Indignation
apparently feigned. and is crawling back into the
kennel OF the city observation-disclosures
OF its rottenness.
The quotation in its columns the other day from
Asst. Chief OF Police Cassidy the effect the
Dan Pyle exposure OF moral conditions was exag-
gerated and made for political effect was put into
the mouth OF the assistant chief then ELECTED
by the maladministraton organ, in its customary
sneakiHg process OF seeking discredit something
using someone else as camoufage with which to
cover up its tracks.
Dan Pyle's address on vice conditions here made
before the Lincoln school Mothers club. was either
founded upon fact. else our contemporary prevari-
Gated most contemptuously only few months ago
when-with immediate campaign In sight,
sought assume air OF righteous indignation, by
fourlshing such an exposure all It's own. As we un-
A~-~u1nd It, o"r contemporary article used
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

the lips Of A pretty girl always
strikes a man dumb with pain and
asst enlistment
Why all the successful and brainy
men marry chorus-girls, telephone
operators and manicuris-s. VIII le
brSlliant women always draw blanks
or seconds.
Why a man insists on making his
wife dress so "sensibly" that no other
man will look at her-and then
begins 20 wonder what he saw in
her.
Why a man always assumes that
"stained-glass" attitude, when he
that he doesn't want or is tired Of
How q mans heart can spring
right back into working conditions.
so soon after it has been crushed q"
Why man never begins 10 find
fault with d woman, until she de-
cides 70 20 into the kitchen and
cook for him.
Why a man will cheerfully break
the Sabbath. but regards the act Of
stretching" after the seventh in
ming as a sacred rite.
Why is basebaH2 Why is a derby
hat2 Why s a bachelor
Why a man seldom begins 10
dream OF the Ideal Woman" until
ne has been married to a real one
for a few long years.
Why a man doesn't want his
photograph 20 fatter him.
Why men are so interesting-and
indispensable
Why life 10 so dull without themi
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
THE LATIN-AMERICAN LEAGUE.

A S significant OF another foreign view that our
~ "copperhead" senate has brought upon
from foreign lands showering upon their
tempt and disresIect because OF our international
slackerism as a nation. interesting note the
proposal made by the republic Of Salvador to its
republics A recent decree adopted by the Sal
vador congress invites all the other Latin American
countries to join with Salvador in setting up an
American league with the United States excluded.
This body would possess the chief powers and
functions Of the international league established by
the Versailles treaty 1t would establish central
court TO arbitrate differences arising between the
member nations and an international navy for pc
lice work or general defense. In any member
refused abide by decision OF the court It would
be coerced There would also be armed Intervention
in any country hopelessly involved in civil The
Pan-American Union, with headquarters at Wash
ington, would be abolished.
The chief element OF interest this plan is the
patent attempt to get rid Of the dominant influence
of the United Latin American affairs. and
10 side-track the Monroe doctrine. What the other
LatIn-American countries think OF It is yet be
seen. It seems hardly POSSIBLE that they will take
the plan seriously because they need the United
States more than It needs them and because nearly
all the functions to be assumed by this league
are already existent in the League OF Nations, OF
which virtually all the Latin-American countries
now members. It is to be observed too. that the
League of Nations covenant specifically recognizes
the validity the Monroe doctrine Little Salvador,
then it determined ignore the United States.
may have 70 flock by itself
it IS a pleasant situation, regardless OF the
fact that Salvador is small that she may
lonesome The unpleasant feature of II is that
little Salvador. insignificant to size. call
us an international liar and selfcentered coward.
as in the present instance and tell the truth
Oh yes our brilliant American senate. is maintain
ing our national honor in the eyes OF the world.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

My daughter, the cynic hath said,
in his heart, why do men marry? p
But the answer is simpler than a
Monday dinner. and palmer than
henna on the hair.
Now, in Babylon, there dwelt a
prince, who had reached the marry
Ing MOOD, and sought a wife.
And the wise men brought before
him the four fairest damsels in all
The land for lis selection.
And the first damsel sought to
dazzle him with her beauty.
Lo, she anointed herself with
spikenard and myrrh. and made her
self fairer with kole and with henna
and curling tongs and jewels and
spangled gauze.
And the eyes OF the prince were
blinded with her loneliness; and
when she had departed he smoked
long and dreamily and could not
tear his thoughts from her for full
five minutes.
And the second damsel sought TO
fascinate hi mwith her wit
And 10, when he spake. she
answered him with epigrams and
with quips; and the prince laughed
nightly and was amused. And, for
a full half hour he continued to
think % her.
And the third damsel sought to
lure him with her domestic charms,
and to enchain him with home COM
forts.
Yea, she brought a scented cushion
for his head, and a velvet foot-stool
for his feet. and lit his pipe with her
own hands.
And the prince was almost per-
suaded. and begged her not TO de-
part
But the wise men led her away,
and brought the fourth damsel be-
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

physical culture faddists, and the
breakfast food inventors
And the gland-fanatics," finished
the Widow, who viii take any kind
Of pill that is supposed TO contain
a poor little animals gland. And
all because the poor. dear, tired hui
man race just loves to fool itself
into thinking that il can beat old
Father Time, and old Mother Ma
ture. and somehow in some way. be
magically young and vital and beau
tiful forever! And it's all so funny
-"
Funny" the Bachelor looked re-
proachful.
And so sad" added the Widow.
when there is a magic-cure, a real
age preventive. and an honest-tO-
goodness youthifier-"
ct knew it, 1 knew it," cried the
Bachelor waving his hand trium-
phantIy. II knew you had a magic
cure-all up your sleeve Everybody
hast Well, what's yours? Out with
it,"
It's love!" said the Widow sim
ply. Just being in love or falling
in love As long as you can do
either Of these, you Will be eternally
young and happy. AS long as you
can keep your heart sweet and
glowing and radiant. your face viii
be sweet and glowing and radiant"
But, great Scott" exclaimed the
Bachelor, You are not setting Solo
mon and NinOn L'Enclos up as good
examples. are your"
Certainly not" said the Widow,
-
hundred. If you will only cherish II,
and keep the divine fire from going
OUT"
Well" suggested the Bachelor
timidly. don't yOu-dOn't you think
we could ."
The Widow smiled obviously.
Lets ask ouija." she suggested.
jumping up with sudden inspiration,
and sitting down at the table.
Wait! No! Wait a minute, 90
cried the Bachelor. Let me ask
him-her-it, Nice ouija, Pretty
ouija! Tell me-could Molly and I
be happy, forever and ever?"
For a moment, there was no
sound in the room except the
scratching OF the board
There" exclaimed the Widow as
the scratching ceased. What did I
tell you? Il talks Just like a hus-
band"
"Why-what did it say?" inquired
the Bachelor.
ct said, Don't ask foolish ques-
tons" answered the Widow, And
when I asked It where you were dur
ing all those four dances, last night
Yes. yes, Go on, What did Il
say2" said the Bachelor uneasily.
1T said See BROWNING page A.
line IS"
And"
And I looked it up admitted the
Widow, But there were only two
words IN the line They were Never
pryu"
The Bachelor leaned back with a
sigh OF vast relief.
After ALL" he said. there may
be something in this ouija board
fad. It's given me quite IA pleas
ant thrill"
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
Interest of Public
Is Above All Else

The strike Of s0-called OUTLAW
railroad men, principally employ ef
of the yards again demands that
the public take firm and prompt
stand for its rights.
While no one disputes the Fright
Of workmen 20 strike. when no other
means are available sudden cessa-
ton OF work. and particularly n
industries that tie up or cripple
many others. is unjust and intoler-
able. II means that thousands ~
men satisfied with their pay and
working conditions may be thrown
out Of employment by a small body
OF men acting arbitrarily On one ~
the vital industries.
The railroads, the arteries Of The
cOuntry's life and commerce. Wlsr
not be subject 20 such disorder.
The business Of the country mu--
not be permitted 10 be paralyzed .r
any group. And the people have
demonstrated that they will not enc
dure IL. Having brought about
amicable means Of adjusting differ
ences, they have nc patience with
the workmen who resort TO strikes
before other methods have been
exhausted.
II ought 10 be the concern of
every American just now 20 aid p
solving the problems OF reconstrre-
ton. Adding 10 unrest by "A strike.
and particularly without waiting for
arbitration. is just the opposite ~
the spirit desired
An end must be put 20 attempts
OF little grouTs Of the people 20
attain their ends hy paralyzing =.
crippling the business II the whoiF
people.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
By Helen ROzCLGnd

up and having an appendix re-
moved"
And now" groaned the Bachelor
I'VE have the tonsil-hounds, and the
adenoid cranks. and the germ-fiends,
and the th-torturers!"
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

''The-what?"
THE monomaniacs who insist on
having a few teeth pulled out, as
a cure for everything from hang
nails to a broken heart" explained
the Bachelor. And there are the
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

II the United States had fought the the way
It has been making peace, there wouldn't have
been any peace TO make. That IS. unless II a
German peace. and the United States senate would
make II anyhow.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

The manager of big hotel that his estab-
lishment last year cashed s315O,oO0 worth Of
checks. and only lost $125 from bad People
are pretty honest. after all
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

A landady has been found in New York who gave
her boarders such good meals that they never
complained But alas She has gone bankrupt and
the boarding house closed
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

Seeds soaked in water Will sprout quickly
than those which not and dollars soaked in the
bank or in sound securities. ditto
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18
WIDOW-OSMS

Every woman IS at heart young
enough 70 be a daughter and old
enough 10 be a mother. 10 the man
she loves.
In love. a mans hardest task is to
remember woman's is 20 forget
The average man succeeds in
spelling the lives OF at least two
women: the one ne should have
married and didn't-and the one he
should not have married. and did
marry.
To a man. being married IS like
being bald. at least he can cease to
worry for fear IL viii happen 10 him.
Copyright. 1920
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

Hail America-the only country
in the world. where. when a man
marries "a girl, he SAYS Whats mine
is yours-and what's yours IS vour
own"
Mans life Is fun or strugcIaa'
First he struggles against soap. In-1
against discipline then aaginst an
education. then against matrimOuy
then against badness. and finally
against death-but they all get nina,
sooner or later,
Why is IL that whenever you take
your husband % visit people who
have a wine-cellar. nowadays he il-
sists on acting just like "a caueIr
4 woman's mind. like "a chicken
salad. contains "a lot OF things thet
no man ever suspects
The queen OF prodteers is the
woman who sues for hundred
thousand dollars for the alienation
OF her husbands affections. when
she knows that they aren't realls
worth two cents
Masculine vanity is perfectly CONF
prehensible. when you reflect that
there meyer was man so unat-
tractive that he couldn't find some
woman 10 firt with him. dine with
him. or marry him.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

Advice to Della: Ware the suffrage wrath.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

single Copies Sunday evening
fiona Is cents weekly per year sdysD By
F4sr, -
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-04-18

A womau's mind. like chicken
salad. contains "a lot Of things that
no man ever suspects.