South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-30
CantuLOubeS and Ca11didateS-By Helen Ro7OAamd

Aren't politics exciting" re-
marked the Widow. languidly drop
ins the evening paper, AMI suppress
Ing a delicate yawn with her pink
fngertips.
The Bachelor drew up a piazza
chair and lazily disposed his pic
turcsque white fianneled length in
its inviting depths.
You look as refreshing" he de-
clared, "as a strawberry Ice cream
soda. Have you chosen your presi-
dental candidate yeti"
q" Chosen Mr.. Weatherby2" The
Widows arched eyebrows rose in
innocent inquiry.
Yes. Have You picked out your
party and your platform, and all
that"
The Widow leaned her red-gold
head back against the green silk
cushions and laughed softly.
What funny words you use" she
answered. Can q woman ever
pick out anything, in this life. from
a husband TO a nat, or candidate
to IA cantaloupe?"
Can't she?" qucried the Bach
elor, lighting a cisaIet and regard
ing the Widow approximately
through its thin blue haze, Il
thought she always did the Choos-
ing
NO" sighed the Widow, shaking
her had. she can only pick over
what's onered-and select the best
of the lot. Don't you suppose that
If we could actually choose our hUs-
bands we should all be married 10
Adonises, with a million a year,"
And if YOU could actually
choose your own president. every
mortal one Of you would vote for
different man-ahd nobody would
be elected" chuckled the Bachelor.
"Perha ps." admitted the Widow.
but candidates are like husbands
and Cantaloupes-nOue OF them are
perfect. And it's next 10 impossible
10 know anything about them. until
it's too late. Did you ever watch a
woman buying cantaloupes, Mr..
Weathe by
The bachelor shrugged.
Cant say / ever made a psyche
logical study Of it," he said.
well. ii is a psychological study
retorted the Widow. Her method
would be worthy Of any mans most
intensive study. She selects q melon
as she selects a husband. or any
elimination. First she picks out the
most unprepossessing one. and
throws il aside. then the next most
unpron2ising, and so on. until there
is only one cantaloupe left That's
the one she takes home in her mar
ket basket II is her selectiOn--but
not necessarily her choice you
see"
Il see" said the Bachelor, and
she leaves the fruit vender frantical-
" tearing his hair That's why
fruit vendors are so cynical and
temperamcntal, 1 suppose"
cot course" agreed the Widow.
Unexpectedly. They are men
and they always expect a woman TO
walk into the shop. point ut the first
thing that catches her eye, and say.
Gimme that,'-Just like a man,
That's the way a man selects any
thing and everything, from a cravat
TO wife. and from a pineapple TO
a president. He does all his heavy
thinking afterward-and then com
plains 20 heaven that he has been
deceived. cheated, deluded. lie
picks out a brown and purple neck
tie. because il strikes his fancy, and
then goes home and discovers that
il is all out OF tune with the rest
OF his clothes. and turns his com
plexiOn a Mona Lisa green. or
he picks out a girl because she
dances ravishingly on number two
feet, and has a smile like a tooth
powder advertisement"
And then discoN ers," groaned the
Bachelor. that she is all out OF tune
with HIS temperament. and doesn't
match his ideal. and turns his life
from sweet dream into a night
mare"
Exactly" agreed the widow.
"A woman goes into love, or mar
riage. or politics, as she goes into
the ocean, cautiously and deliberate
ly; but man just Tolls back on the
beach and lets the waves splash
over him. 4 girl begins looking for
her Fate early in life, and collects rs
many interesting specimens as pos
sibIe about her"
And when she has a lot Of them
strung and dazzled and gassed. she
proceeds TO tally them of, and to
show them their exit"' accused the
Bachelor. jeeringly
To eliminate them Mr.. Wealth
erby." corrected the Widow. "one by
one. until"
Until she falls in Iovei'' broke in