Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-04-22
SCHOOLS FOR oUIJAs.


The success of New York woman
who traced her runaway husband
into another state and trapped him
there, all thru her trusty ouija board,
suggests by contrast the defects OF
the average run of our ordinary
household ouijas.
Frankly, II the truth must be told.
our ouijas, at least the American
born ouiJas. are utterly unframed.
Versatile. willing. industrious, and
with great natural aptitude they
may be. Yet they are wholly lack
ing in that intensive cultivation
without which no oui1a can attain
her fullest and truest development.
And when one considers their par
entage and early associations this
Is not surprising.
Knocked together In q great busy
factory by some carpenter with his
mind on nothing higher than his
days wages, and given hasty var
nish by a finisher who v probably
completely out of touch with the
other world. the unfortunate oui1a Is
thrust forth into the channels of
trade to become the playthins of
some ignorant clerk. Not only Is her
spelling permanently ruinsd but her
morals, also. are extremely apt TO
become impaired.
In this demoralized condition the
poor ouija, desperate not knowing,
whittier to turn, perhaps ventures
into a liaison with some sneaky.
common. low-down, second-rate sort
Of ghost who moves altogether ON
the inferior planes Of the spirit and,
in all probability, even sympathises
with runaway husbands There she
lies, helplessly under the control OF
her spectral Svengaii-and continues
to lie for the rest Of her natural life.
This state Of affairs must be chang
cd. We propose schools for ouiJas.
Picture to yourself class Of little
ouijas, sitting quietly on their hind
legs. their fore paws resting sedately
In their laps, and their intelliOsnt
vanished heads cooked alertly 70 ~
ceive the instructions Of some re-
fined. responsible female ghost who.
on the mundane plane, had been
both wife and mother. How quickly
they would learn that marriage IL .
sacred and solemn contract, that .
man can not escape his wife even
after death, and that Of all utilities
running away Is the most hopeless.
Instead Of picking up coarse. frss.
and easy notions from rowdY vaGa-
bond ghosts they would be taught
thoroughly tho spiritual scent OF
husbands 90 that they could In
stantly smell them out anywhere-ln
their clubs, In their ribald poker
games or at some disgusting muacal
comedy.
And think what such training
would mean after death in the
family. The grief-stricksn vita at
any moment of the day or night
could grasp her faitnrui ouija ana
call her departed spouse right from
the other world. Thus:
"Johp. where were you this evs-
ning?"
A little delay and then,
"W-e-l-l, Marry, ], e-r, ! t.o-o-k
a l-i-t-t-l-s t-r-i-p t-h-i-s e.y.s-
n-i-n-g."
"where did you 60, John!"
No chance OF eludinH the trained
ouija. The spirit answers truthfully:
'D-o-g-g-o-n-n-e LIT Marry ~
you want to k-n-o-w, l w-1.n-t
d-o-w-n to H-e-l-l tao s-e.e
s-o-m-e f-r-i-e-n-d-s OF m-i-A-sI"
':Hmphi Where are you now,
JohnT'
'P-u-l-l t-h-a-t .d-o-d-d.r.a-t-t-5
ed o-u-i-j-a Oft m-s. Nary!
I'm b-e-t-w-i-x-t a-u-d bee
t-w-e-e-ni"
"John! You stay away hom ha1l!
You get right back into heaven this
instant, John--and tuck yoir0elf n.
tool"
Schools for ouijas! Its the sreat
moral need of the houri Schools for
ouijas!
Not content with the amount OF !
talk floating around In our atin0s-sss
phere now. some people are trying
to start = conversation with Mars.
N, ~. p. ysgl
] ssnorplons havs sis sight o. tWolve
DYDG