The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-07-11

seasoned old New fork Founder quite casually-nonchalant like
 that-the other day when I was enjoy
 ing a very charming visit to that big
 little, gay little, naughty little city,
 which answers alike to the name of
 Gotham, Manhattan or just plain old
 New York, with my lovely friend and
 "chum," Mrs. William H. Kettig. the
 partner of all the fun, all the happiness
 all the serious moments and all the joys
 that filled perfect visit with genuine
 camaradarie. without which nothing is
 complete.
 Well, what's the matter with the
 other eleven months in the year." the seasoned old New York "Rounder" ob
 served quickly Sounds like a perfectly
 good back-handed compliment to me;
 like Carolyn Wells lady, who says to
 another: Now you never can say that, told you any of the disagreeable things people have said about your
 Or"
 Like the Englishman, who ordered the apple pie, and the peach pie, and the chocolate pie,. and the lemon pie. and the orange pie, and the American asked; Well, what's the matter with the mince pie?'' And several hours afterward the stupid Englishman cor nered the clever American and gently begged: I say, old chap, what really was the matter with the mince pie?' Is that the way you feel about my com pliment to gay little Miss New York;"
 Anyway, I had reason for making the statement that Miss New York tries to be a perfect little lady in June- time," for truly it matters not what sort of sins are laid at the door of gay Man hattanites during the other eleven months in the year, their "summer sins" are absolutely lady-1ike-and unlike any other sins that Miss New York commits during the twelve months registered on the calendar for a fiscal year.
 There is an old song accredited with being one of the very oldest in exist ence. It is entitled My Wife's Gone to the Country" and there's still another "In the Good Old Summertime" but these are modernisms in comparison with the old English tuAe of
 Summer is a-comin',
 Loud now sing cuckoo!''
 In modern English, translated into everyday plain old American lingo, meaning that the heat has hit us and we have perfectly good alibi for go- ing cuckoo"
 For with the coming of the heat and its brain flag everybody is entitled to do such perfectly ridiculous things as going on picnics and renewing our acquaintance with bugs and beetles and snakes and scorpions and things; going fishin'; trekking out to wayside inns; attending college reunions; drink ing cooling drinks; reading "all story numbers of magazines; visiting your old home town; going on vacations; going naments; enjoying porch parties" with punches of porch hens',, taking the children to tho beach; attending con- 'ventions, nominating Presidents; enjoy ing Chautauquas and summer schools: practicfns nature dancing" and bath ing in the surf not one of which vou could possibly be induced to do in the | winter tfn1s.
 For Instance. who ever heard of the | country nominating a President in the winter time? You couldn't get any more | enthusiasm out of a midwinter presiden- tial convention than you could out of a | New Year ssbaseban game, for the chief interest in . presidential convention is | undoubtedly the heat; the delegates and | visiDorss always like to go back home | and tell the 'folks' how they suffered | with tho .heat and what a horrible citv that place must be to live in. the while they enjoy utterly tho terrible heat. for It s1veS them chance to go back to | the hotel every now and then and get q 1 mice cool drink out of the bottom of | suitcase. for the luggage at conventions this year is said to have been vera, l vera heavy" as "dry" convention is | just about as unimaginable as wet Bryan.
 Anyway, as I started out to say. Miss | New York tries to be perfect little lady in June-time," because her "sum- | mer sins are mild. mellifuous and une- | motionaL !,
 For instance, one of the summer sins'' | of which little Miss New York is guilty 1 of is good old Coney Island. Nobody i ever even mentions Coney Island in the 1 winter time in New York; it just isn't done; the ''best circles' haven't even | heard of Coney Island since last sum- mer, but when summer comes around you simply cannot refrain from this most popular of Summer sins" in New York: you may not like circuses, or l read Serials or enjoy Charlie Chaplin. | but you adore Coney Island. The minute | J June-time comes around on the calendar | subwayites adore it; ex-aviators hover over it; the old booze fighters drink | near beer and ride around on the 1 'merry-go-round" and actually make faces at prohibition, while "hot dogs'' and "cool breezes" go hand in hand at | Coney Island and you can do any old thing you want to there and not have l to apologize for it. because "everybody's | doing it'' and you don't feel conspicu- 1 ous
 You may shoot at the tin ducks in the ] galleries and pretend you are Nimrod; or you may chute the chutes" and inn 1 agine you are doing Venice in an aero- | plane; yes. Coney Island is one of the 1 things that makes Miss New York try to | hn lrl