davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29

It used TO be when n man
reached for his hip pocket, people
got scared; now they embrace
Rhode Island has passed a law
for the manufacture OF beer" said
one man
Then ven have to trust to Provi-
dence to get our suds. said the other.
II smell iqusr-hut can't To-
enfe it, said the Comedian.
Somebody in the audience please
breathe on me.-
sleep with your windows open and
let the moonshine in Is the advice
they add. an these days Of
prohibition, anybody ought to be
glad to let a little mOonshine in.D
A husband was Erouchy because he
didn't have anything to drink. The
wife told him to cheer up-Luther
Burbank, who discovered the squirt
less grape fruit" had discovered how
70 make alcohol out OF sawdust, so
he may some day be running around
the corner Of the house and drinking
the leg OF the kitchen chair
Now for few words about the
The .vomen's dresses are cut
very high above the sidewalk
this year, we have ali noticed.
They are aas high M liquor said
Washington man whose mind
runs TO thirst.
II notice they are cut nEfuIly
tight around the bottom mean
around the ankles, too, said an
other man.
szre these SIX stockingsg" asked
the actress
Not exactly" said the salesgirl
but they Itch like it."
Since the actresses and others
have taken to 0veralls and the
working man to SO Suits the ex-
preston now iss You're rich
enough TO wear Overalls.-
II the women's dresses keep
getting any shorter and socks
stay in style, one man suggests
that they viii have to carry para
soils to keep their knees from
# this fashion stuff keeps ~.
every man viii have to be equipped
pretty soon with a shock absorber.
he also suggested
I'm going out and get something
70 eat; I've. got 50 and I'm going out
Tor Feed. says the actor.
You said mouthful," replies the
comedian
Il hope you don't 10 to the
-" and he names a well known
local hotel. III you went in there
with So you'd have 10 have n
letter from the pope to save you
Il paid $3.50 for three peas on
broken plate and one Of the
peas feH into the crack and
lost it.v
Wilie, you have your mouth open" /
said the school teacher I
esm, know il; 7 opened Il my 4
SELF" said While.
Two HegrO Dootolaeks were zrgu- ]
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29


We ike the icing 70 our cake-the
sauce piquant TO our flsh-why not.
then. the W1rchery OF moonlight 10
our workadGy facts2
Love has a threefoId character. II
begins generally with the tremendous
magnetic attraction which Is natures
life force u grows from the real Of
flesh and its cravings through the
compauionship o. the mind. ana IL
has a touch OF the spirit, too For In
the nature Of things human beings
SELF preservation and its laws are
selfishiy expressed in the perfectly
honest. absolutely normal individual
cold blooded OF men and women VIII
strive 10 please or promote the well
fare OF its object"
Nc Illusion Here.
There's no Illusion about the work
man does for the woman and chill
dren he loves. Except the practical.
creative, captain OF industry. ambi-
being wouldn't spend the day on the
golf links or smoking the old pipe in
a sunny corner II he had nobody but
himself to think about2
A clever woman has called men
natural born Happy HOoligans-"
There's something in It. But the
happiest OF the Hoolicans Is pretty
likely 70 start holding his own nose
strictly 10 the grindstone when he
finds the girl OF his dreams.
You see that's where the illusion
comes in Most OF US have dreams
in our hearts. We march about
drearily or cheerily. as the case may
be. waiting for our dreams to come
true. And pretty soon aieng comes
some one who Is more or less like
that ideal OF ours We match him up
to tive dream again and fancy that
the near prince IS just what we've
been looking for And then-accord-
ing to our power TO support the illu-
sion and his 70 match up 70 it-5uc-
cess attends the contamination Of our
dreams. OF fails TO attend IT,
love which is all illusion would
not be real or true or durable It
would not Withstand the wear and
tear OF everyday life. But love
which is all bread and butter. with
none OF the romance and delicacy and
gossamer fairly-quality must be dull
and imprisoning.
Love Is as real as life itself But
II must have some OF the fairy tex
ture OF delicate dreams II II is TO last
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
WLIANA

ONE az the most Interesting OF ETY.
~ mologicaI histories attaches to
Juiiaua- The name was one OF
the earliest 20 be used in the Roman
empire in the DAYS OF martyrdonn
when me Julian gems was at the
Tame through ST. lullaua, who was
beheaded al Nicomedia under Galerius.
Lu the reign OF Gregory the Great
her relies were supposed 20 be AZ
Rome. but afterwards were divided
between Brussels and Sablon-
Through the Flemish duchess Ma
tllda- she was especially honorad in
Normandy and her name vas much
used in royal circles The illegitf-
mate daughter OF Henry I. whose
children he-so cruelty maiLraated Ia
revenge for their fathers rebellion.
was called 4rlenne. England re-
celTea lre name as IllYln. Il was
borne there oy tha -1Uo-s hunting
rrloress, Dame aulylu Berners
hrltanny substituted an -sH for 4
and pronounced the popular form
euil1na. whose most famous exponent
Was the nuu-sisrar Of Du Gue-clin.
who assisted his brave wife TO dis
concert the night attack Of thair late
prisoner
Jade is Iuliana's talIsmanic stone.
The Lliuase believe tt 20 represent
tle essence Of the soul and it IS said
70 bring as Wearer happiness and i'm
perlsleslle love. rs cdueslav IS Juli-
ana's lucky day and her lucky rurn-
Ter opyrignt 1920. Wheeler Syndt-
cate Inc
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
By MILDRED MARSHALL
LEAH

THOSE who regard autosuggestion
1 as a potent problem. should re-
Train from bestowing the name OF
Leah upon their children. For Leah
signifies weary" and suggests the
depressing influence OF heavy bur
dens % bear through life. IT. is a
good old Biblical name, however. and
comes originally from the Hebrew
word lawah, which means hanging
upon, dependence, and hence weari-
ness"
The Biblical Leah was the sister OF
the beautiful Rachel She called her
third son Levi, from the same word
LaWah, because she hoped that her
husband would be more closely de-
pendent upon her.
The French omit the final n, q"
calling her Lea. and from them italy
received the graceful LA Dante em-
ploys the latter title when he makes
the Biblical Leah the emblem Of ac-
tive and fruitful love at the same
time that he terms her sister Rachel
the symbol Of nneditative love.
The garnet is Leah's talismanic
stone. II promises her bodily strength
and a courageous spirit which will
surmount all obstacles. Like its
cousin, the ruby. II has the power
to avert danger and disease. Friday
is Leah's lucky day and her lucky
number - Copyright. 1920, By the
Wheeler Syndicate. Inc.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29

esTLLUSION- A mental image which,
as compared with the real Oh
5ect represented by IL, has de-
ceptive character"
Love- A strong. complex emotion
OF feeling inspired by something. as
person or quality, causing one 10
appreciate, delight IN and crave the
possession OF the object and 70 please
or promote the welfare OF that OBJ
So says the dictionary. Let's re-
member these definitions. We shall
Now let's add a modern definition
to our list. It IS accredited to q
famous visitor TO our shores by one
Of his interriewers, and says;
mind. Is for the greater part Illu-
sion Illusion IS the only thing which
makes life supporrahle."
Even allowing for the difference
IN language and viewpoint, I don't
believe our great visitor meant just
this. I fancy he Intended to convey
that love is OF some delicate fabric
such az dreams are made or A
breath OF ugliness may tear gossa-
mer-an allen touch may destroy
love.
One Definition.
Love has been described as a cob
web wet with morning dew"-the
sort Of thing a breath, a careless
tread. heavy hand may destroy in
moment.
Then it would indeed be an HIu-
sion.
Infatuation. the fancy OF a mo-
ment, an intoxicating passion-any-
thing which IS mere emotion-may be
such an illusion and vanish like the
morning dew
But real love is not built Of such
fragile stuff
Real love may have a touch OF
poetry BIT OF illusion-ahout It.
In fact, since human nature Graves
romance. Il would be a sad thing II
there were no delicate fairy tracery
about love II IL meant only natures
process Of peopling her earth and
continuing the life stream, most Of
rs would shrink from love as too
practical, too sordid, too earthly and
too commonplace We'd anticipate
the agony life costs. We'd think Of
the responsibilities and duties mar
rage entails We'd shrink from the
badness Of the necessity back OF
loves dream.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
East Holds Out Hope For The Return OfLiquor;
Makes Plans To GetIt, Whether LatOfuI Or Not

atures. One-third Of the Catskill
water supply was wasted last winter,
Mr.. Liebenau said. and IL required
80, eco tons of coal 10 pump such
wasted water. Two-thfrds OF the
Catskili supply Is not enough for the
without wasting the remaining one
third, the deputy Commissioners de-
clared.
Housewives viii be given a printed
set OF rules and instructions as to
what to do with leaky faucets House
owners and janitors who permit roof
tanks to overflow day and night viii
be brought to book
wonder how much water f.
wasted in this way in FL PasOf
You find a lot OF disadvantages
mp here that yOu don't encounter
in Fl PnsO. For instance, You
can't smoke n cigar. II f. 30
damp, without having to reIiEht
il a dozen times or more
Whether people are going hog
wild" or not over luxuries, It Is q
noticeable thing in the Washington
shops that the ordinary things IN
life have advanced more in proper
ton than silks and finery, during
the same length OF time
saw a negro driving n Ford
car the other day with a nickel
plated hood on IL
A man asked me II 1 had ever
been to Vaughn, n. NJ 1 said had
Coolest place ever saw n winter
he said Nothing but screen door
between there and the north pole"
The soldier bonus measure Is not
meeting with the general approval
that the people might think.
Rabbi Wise, one OF the most
learned men OF New York, in dis
cussing the matter, said.
If we we're not on the eve OF the
be a possibility Of securing the en-
actment Of the so-called bonus law.
which Is in spirit an insult TO our
American boys, a law which IS as
bad as anything that has ever been
done in the way OF American pen
sion grabbing. OF course there ought
to be practical recognition OF the
service OF our men, but the universal
bonus as planned IS a disgrace TO
America. and most OF all is disgrace
to our American youth"
The high cost OF living has long
been felt by the army and navy Of
ficers residing in the larger cities,
particularly Washington One officer
on duty in the national capital is
advertising for something else 70 do
10 help him out OF his dilemma
This army officer Is not at all
particular about what he does in his
spare time, whether II be running
the government as president OF the
United States or pushing a wheel
barrow. What he wants IS work.
and to attain Il he has Inserted the
following advertisement IN the news
papers.
aArmy officer wishes work IN
spare timei graduate engineer
four years experience in build
ing and general eonstrucuOng
do anything from pushing
vTheeIbarrOW to running for
PRESIDENT
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
MURIEL

THE quantity demure Murlel Is ore
1 OF the oldest and most beloved Of
English names. Its earliest form,
Meriel. IS stll in common usage
abroad. It signifies "myrrh.7 the
precious perfume Of early Biblical
days. and a special reverence attaches
to the name. since myrrh was one
OF the gifts brought by the wise Men
to the newborn babe in the manger
at Bethlehem
Seldom in the history Of etymolcgy
has a name preserved its original
Identity so faithfully as Muriel- II
has suffered no change, since Merial
vas first taken from the Greek word
meaning myrrh. Nor didfit leave its
native heath TO undergo transforma-
ton BY another language No other
country has an equivalent even
America having transported il intact.
The moonst0ne IS Murlels tails
manic gem According TO an old
legend. 60 VIII endow her with the
purity and beauty OF the monnbeams
which the anclents believed were I'M
prisoned in the stone It is likewise
said 10 give her the gift OF prophetic
vision whereby she may read the
future. sunday IS her lucky day and
her lucky number. The cornflower
is her special bloom.-Copyrigh 1920.
By the Wheeler Syndicate. Inc
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
You From Mans Hip Pocket You Embrace and
Wmens Clothes Leading Topics the EasH Clothes Get More Rad
CAL Shock Absorbes for Men Necessary Soldiers Bonus
Wafer Etc Discussed
couldn't ten whether # was n
ease Of annoyed or adenoidE-

couldn't ten whether It was
case Of annoyed or adenoidH-
They say every time Caruso sings
nowadays he gets the price Of a new
automobile He wouldn't clear his
throat for a Ford. one man remarked.
A man was boasting Of how few
he knew IN Washington 7 have one
friend here" he said. I did have
two, but I didn't pay one"
This thing Of exercising to reduce
ones flesh Is not all they say It is
asserts julius Tanner, one OF the
Orpheum's stars, billed.as a chatter
box"
Il tried 1t and / was cripple
fora week. stood up straight
in my bathroom and began to
bend down and touch my toes,
then straiEhten mp with my
hands above my head. Say when
you try this, nlWnys face the
radiator
They say the new apartments they
are building Up here these days are
so small you can sit IN the parloF
and fry eggs IN the kitchen; that II
you cross your legs you are apt to
kick your vile in the eye and that
q dog has 70 wag his tail up and
down IN the parlor 10 get room for It.
They say II every man loved
his wife a. he ahould love her
all the private detectives would
20 hungry.
Lens lizards" IS what they call the
leading men in motion pictures
az hot air m1t-ee n boiler A.
plOde, what in The name OF tar
nation holds you tOEefherf' a an
expression We might apply TO a
lot Of our friends anywhere.
7 want Griffith ! want Griffith
1 want him to make another Birth
Of a Nation'!' shrieks girl on the
you don't want Griffith; you want
Eddie Foy." says the comedian
New York has discovered that as
a result OF leaky faucets, one-third
OF the city's water supply IS going
put on TO find the leaks and order
them stopped
WhHe the users Of water pr
for the Leakage Of course, = -
wasted and n city NFuEer supply
should be conserved particularly
when X T. no greater than need
ed-in fhis respect New York A.
Ike FL Paso.
Deputy water commissioner LIebe-
nau declared that 100.000.0O0 gallons
OF water are wasted every day in
this city, at cost Of $4,000 70 the
Taxpayers
This condition. he says. IS due 70
10000 leaky and detective water
faucets, water tanks and other fix
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
ALine O. Cheer
Each Day o. The Year
By JOHN ISENDRICK BANGS

PROOFS.
7 HEAR dead voices call
IN tones right clear 10 me
out OF the hay pail
OF years that used 20 be-
/ hear old HOMER sing.
hear Will SHAESPERE laugh
Ger RALEIGHS witty flinE.
And rare BEN JOHNSONTS chaff-
7 hear the thunderous tones
OF MOSES as he stands
Still reading from the stones
The FATHERS hiEh commands.
And as these voices stream
Through Ages down 10 me
They make secure my dream
OF Immortality
on DECORATION DAY
ZONE in the flush Of Youth
u Crusaders brave for Truth.
Shorn Of YOUR share OF lii3
BY the fell shafts OF strife;
Lying Ia nameless grave.
All that you had you gave,
suffering endless pain.
Surely were life but vain
II. answering thus the call
Sacrifice ended all
Wherefore am I secure,
Holding a Faith that's sure,
4a who have died 20 give
Dead though ye be YET live.
tCopyrlEnt. 1920. by the Mcclure
Newspaper syndicate-)
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
~ - s5zEazzz.1zza@zA ezzea-zsoz7

be delegations. headed by the late
iudge Ivory c. klmbalL, past com
r1ander o. the department Of the Fo-
tomac. Grand Army OF the Republic.
congress appropriated <441..1Q -or
the erection OF the edifIce and placed
Arlington amphirheeter commission
The main feature Of the structure
consists OF an open alr auphl-1earers
eIIfuticaI In plan, with a seating ca
paciLy OF about 1000 persons THIS
amphitsheater Is incl0sed by q mar
BE colonala with entrances at the
end OF the principal axes The main
entrance IS from the east, and this
section contains reception han and
stage on the main floor. a museum
room con the second Loor- and a
chanel in the basement Under the
floor OF the colorado crypts are pro-
vidsd for the burial OF distinguished
soldiers. sailors and marines The
building Is constructed OF white mar
bic from Quaries At Dandy. VI
Ground was broken A. the site on
March T. 1915, the cornerstone -1ld
October 10, 1915. and work carried @
successful completion BY the build
srs. the George A. Fuller company
The present membership OF Tie
commission Includes.
Newton d Baker. secretary OF war
Josephus Daniels. secretary OF the
Elliott Woods. superintendent OF
capitol buildings and grounds
John EcElroy. representing the
Grand Army OF the Republic.
Charles N- Newton. representing
the I-ri-ed SPANISH War Veterans
Fred BealL rapreseurins the Con-
federare Veterans
cor Clarence s. Ridley. e 8 A.
executive and disbursins officer
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
By C. A. MARTIN.


ing about sometnIng. One OF them.
growing angrier as the argument
progressed, suddenly said.
Boy, I know the neighbors are al
ready takin' lilies to your home"
Sir oliver Lodge claims to be
able to speak with the dead. A
Washington woman suggests that
he could be OF more practical use
II he would use his Influence with
the telephone companies and en-
able the living to speak with each
other.
There is some egg on your coat"
SAID woman 10 man as he came
out Of the hotel dining room.
That's az right-its an Easter
suit" he replied.
A local actor complains about
the Asma1 mileage he gets out
Of his safety razor blades.
A lot OF rs can HympathiEe
VITA him.
a man said ne was going TO cele-
brate his wooden wedding.
I didn't know you were married"
said the woman
u am not" he replied. but five
years ago I asked q woman TO marry
me and she said she wouldn't"
The girl at the department store
ribbon counter was discussing with
Ethel Marlborough her lack Of tact
in turning down an invitation to 60
to the movies before she learned that
the invitation had come from =
young man with a new automobile.
II Ida knowd 1 could's rode ida
went" she said
A married couple were walking
down Pennsylvania avenue, said the
must have been mar
ried. for the man was paying no at
-ention TO her.
she was one OF those homely crea-
lures; anyone has a right to be home
y. but she abused the privilege.
She had a pug nose-just right for
eating corn on the cob
They went into a restaurant and
she ordered some rrasting ears. She
dropped one in her soup. Madam,
you got your ear wet" 1 said
She was arguing with her hus-
band. He turned to me and said
aCan n man be a Christian on
$50 a days"
I replied. Ny good man, what
slse could a man be on $3.50 a day3"
They were celebrating an anniver-
lary in the familE-the 18th ami
Tersary Of the wife's 27th birthday.
The wife wanted some strawber-
lies The husband wanted to know
Why she didn't order cranberries
They are the same color, much
.heaper-and just as sour he said
she was one Of those women
who talk with n drnTl. You
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29
Observation-Disclosures Vice
But WI Accept Vice Presidency

decorated and only raise the rent 50
percent Also they viii be no excuse
Tor the suffragists to picket outside
OF my picket fence as 7 intend TO keep
open house But not Col. House
Now admires- they's only candi-
dates Tor this high office that knows
anything about Chicago. myself and
governor Lsowden. and the Iaffer
where TO go and where 70 not 20.
As FAR as his hospitality Is CONSERVED
he might as wen be president Wilson
receiving the diplomats In regards
since March but the boys tel me
conditions is about the same as then
and al as you half 70 do Is call the
house physician and he viii give you
a prescription provided you name
send a bell hop out and get II flled
anywheres for $3.50 a pit
MuEic Il Appropriate.
me Coliseum where the convention
is going 10 be held at is located on
wabash Ave. and Is st. and the best
way 10 get there Il to walk and when
you get there show your badge TO the
policemans at the door but they can't
read 50 all as you half to do Is knock
decent seat and II It's like what Il
was 1916, why the band viii play
appropriate music when you come in
Ike Tor inst when ". J. Bryan en-
tered the press box IN 1916 they
played rock OF ages.
great many OF my friends has
asked ne how viii they recognize me
when I come into the convention hall
Wen friends, I viii be the most dig
.uified bird IN the press box and as I
said last wk. / viii probably be set
ting between y. J. Bryan and the
highest paid short story writer in
the world outside Of myself and prob
ably you have read lately about this
story writer and their husband only
meeting for breakfast twice per wlr.
but II was married to a piano player
he would be lucky II he seen me at
breakfast / time a IT. let alone 2
times per WS-, and in the second
place II I was marrying for music I
would marry a player piano instead Of
a piano player.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-05-29

YTTAsHrNGTON, D. c. May 2s.-
fF without attempting to put radi-
cal Ideas into the heads OF ana
FL Paso brethren with a thirst, y
may not be out OF order 10 cite the
latest thing they are discussing in
washington and New Kork-and else
where-relative TO the method Of Sc
curing something 10 drink
"A corporation can be formed
said a lawyer. efor the purchase
Of anything- Why couldn't
number Of men go together and
form G company for the purpose
Of buyzzE Up n lot Of liquor, and
rhen, after awhile dissolve the
corporation and divide the as
Hetsl1
such 3 plan was adopted BY the
New York Press club when the coun-
try went dry-of course they bought
the goods at wholesale prior 10 the
date on which liquor became an out
laW-and there are those who believe
it-eoulG be done now, only they won
der how they would get the whisky
IF they bought II. That is the only
The New York sun. in discussing
the question. says
"An effort was made TO learn from
former justice 0'Brlen Of the supreme
court the origin OF the story which
has generally coupled his name with
the delightful scheme Of riding around
the constitutional amendment Judge
O'Brisa had heard the story. and al
though at first amused at It. began
70 get irritated when prominent men
sought his advice about the forma-
tion Of such corporation. To one
friend who asked him Just how to 90
about forming such corporation
could have ever attributed 70 him any
method OF accomplishing any indirect
disobedience Of law, said;
] nave never seriously expressed
HImn- aaHaaa I'd
10 understand what wag fastened the
story on me
The east still believe LOT Of
the people. HnyhoW-thnt the
drouth Is not here to stay and
lays high hope in the supreme
court declaring the elghteenth
amendment unconstitutional for
some rea=sn or other.
The very fact that the court has
been SO long handing down deci-
sion. gives hope to some-Just why
they 90 not say
Some OF them are getting a lot Of
consolation out OF a chance remark
made On the bench last MONDAY py
q Justice OF the supreme court
Associate justice Holmes, while
rendering an opinion IN connection
with 6 personal injury case, said
that SO far as he knew the fathers
60 "strcng drink
The Justice added TINT he could
not believe 4fOr n moment that
apart from the eighteenth amend
ment special constitutional prin-
ciuleI ezfst against strong drink
Almost all the jokes are now d. /
vided between the styles worn by I
women and the prohibition question, I
and. II anything prohibition has the 4
best OF e.
Travelling men now exchange
the names and addresses OF boot
leEEcrH JUST as boys used TO trade
marbles and postage stamps.
A washington man complained OF I
his thirst His wife wanted him TO
drink BeFo, but he said he would get
drowned before he could get drunk
1rllEInE that stuff.