The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-03-20
Bits of BybMy
By LUKE MCLUKE
Copyright, 1870, by
The Cincinnati enquirer.
Tho ohsoIete Nickel.


The Obsolete Nickel. Il
Time was when fellow could take q
big nickel
And buy one of his daily needs;
But luck has been cruel and fate has
been tickle,
Your nickel no dealer now needs. r
Your tive-cent cigar is now costing you
It's funny how prices will climb;
Your car fare will cost you cents
to II,
A shoe shine will cost you a dime.
What good is the nickel in modern
trade hoppers?
And what will it buy all alone?
It's useless unless you add two or three
coppers,
No wonder you hear por men groan!
Our endless change making today is so
tiresome.
The nickel we're prone to enjoin;
A hat full of pennies in change sure
gets tiresome,
Please give us 7,cent coin!
I'D hate to be dollar" remarked
the Cheerful Idiot.
'Why?". demanded the Wise Guy.
Just think of how often l would be
drawn and quartered! replied the
She was watching play called East
Lynne,
And her sobbing created dynne.
But it wasn't the play
That made her that way,
The poor girl had sat on a pynne.
Huh!
You should not shed tears over
spilled milk" said the Optimist.
NO" agreed the Pessimist. THE
chances are that the milkman has al
ready added enough water to it."
Fact,
A man can avoid lot of trouble II
he will merely pay the freight and let
his wife run things-Luke McLuke. In
most cases he will find things running
better than if he was chief engineer.
Canton News.
Hoorayl
We are gonna. have plenty of breaks
fast food in the club. John Straw
and John Hay, of Wapakoneta, o., got
in a while ago, and now u. Straw
and Glover Hay. of Goshen. Ind, have
Joined. "
Careful.
A careful man is Oswald Bleat.
His caution he won't bulge;
He always asks for a receipt
Luke McLuke. 4
A careful man is Simon Free,
On one thing he is bent,
He wants receipts, except when he
Hastings (Neb) Tribune.
Some Mistake.
F. s. Church knows a bright little
girl who goes to Sunday school. Her
Sunday school teacher had been tell
ing the class that the Lord created
all things and was also responsible for
the creation of each of the little. young
sters in the class. The little girl
thought the statement over and then
said
Teacher, there must be some other
fellow maxim UNI too. My ma said
that God made me!'
Our Daily Special.
There Isn't Any Closed Season For
Suckers.
Luke McLuke Says
Amt wimmin the contrary critters1
About the time the men begin wears
ing straw hats and palm beach suits
the wimmin will begin wearing felt hats
and furs.
Anyway, the poor man who has tc
buy shoes for four kids ought to be
thankful that he isn't rich enough to
have to buy tires for four automobiles
Every man believes that the girl who
turned him down gets good beating
every day from the mutt she mar
ried
Nearly everybody loves dogs and
and horses can't talk,
The thirty -years-war wasn't the
longest in history. Lots of married
couples have lived together longer thar
/ that.
Ask any single girl who is more
| than 81 years old and she'll assure you
That early marriages always turn oui
| unhappily. ....
One time a woman is willing to lei
someone else do all the talking is when
she has her ear glued to keyhole.
When you have joint bank &C.
count with your wife il means that you
| will do all the putting in and she viii
| do all the drawing out.
The first of the month is the only day
| some men get any mail.