Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-07-17
The Windmill
AN INTERVIEW WITH THE CAN
DIDATE

DlDATE.
And now, Mr.. Oomplah, IL you
wish to convey a message to the peo-
pie regarding"
"Goulash, sir--Hungarian gou-
lash!" The great man thrust his
hand into his coat just above the
first button and looked us steadily
In the eye. at is one Of the most
pressing and least understood of our
problems. GOulash in itself is one
of the most harmless of aperetifs,
but Hungarian goulash-ah, sir, that
brings up the whole subject of our
relations. In many an humble Amer
lean home today goulash, already
subtly tinged with Hungarianism, is
being served with noodles-imagine
it, sir!-with noodles! My position
IN this matter-and I hope you will
make it clear-is that II the noodles
CT tho great American people are TO
be saturated with goulash it must re-
main goulash first, last and all the
time and not be represented as chop
suey, wiener schnitzel or any other
of the innumerable foreign Influences
which are at present creeping into
our body polite. 1t is true that
our forefathers were often content
with hash, plain, unmitigated hash.
but"
Nevertheless. Mr.. Oomplah," we
interrupted. there are many who
claim that picked pigs feet"
DO not tempt me. sir" Numbered
In 70
the delicatessen question, nor will l
enter into any controversy on the
Issue of Irish stew. Erin is a great
land, sir. noble land, as the splen-
did police force In many of our most
thriving cities attests. But the
league of nations, Article X, as
well us the other smaller and more
ornamental articles. must in the last
analysis be settled by the common
sense of the American people TO
cussed in their lawfully chosen rep
resentatives. On the question of
Ireland, Poland Greenland and Ice
land, l can only refer you specif3ca1-
ly to the platform of our party,
which,
But the platform doesn't men
ton them" we pointed out 1.-THE
only reference we have been able to
find, Mr.. Oomplah, is to corn-meal
mush.'
"Ah, yes, quite so-corn- meal
mush! "beamed the statesman. You
have indeed preached a subject
which is dear to my heart. Ameri-
can agriculture. and especially corn
meal mush, must be made vital
issue in this campaign and should be
wholly exempt from the luxury tax.
The American farmer, sir, from the
rock bound coast OF Maine to the
gun kissed slopes Of the Pacific, must
have his corn-meal mush without
quibbling, haggling or juggling.
Dried prunes / wave aside; ham and
eggs may perhaps discuss at a
later date, but while the stars and
stripes wave unsullied from the ram
parts Of the Rockies, take my stand
on corn meal mush-fried,> steamed,
cold boiled or warmed over in the
oven-but always golden, old-fash-
toned, mouth filling corn-meal mush!
Hlo ouDJOSG lAuSl pc dlluChcu
lentlessly and exposed with that
pitable publicity which you. sir, will
no doubt supply. Tell the American
people that Wall street will not
shake me, nor the bolsheviki frighten
me, for when the great mush vote
of our teening millions Is finally
counted, will be flung into office on
perfect wall of the mushiest kim
of mush!"
Concerning our objection to the
average campaign address, 1t isn't
the heat, it's the insipidity.
If you believe what the landlords
tell you concerning their plight, you
|. cant help wondering how benevo-
lent government permits anybody to
suffer so.