The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-12-13
LAUGH WITH US

LHONII Win 70
~ say. dad, what Keeps us from
| falling off the earth when we are up-
lldo DOWN." asked the young demo-
| Crat.
WHY. tho law Of gravity, Of
"But how did folks stay on before
that law was passed."
| The inhabitants OF n small VILLAGE
| at last got postoftice Their pride
| IN tho acquisition was at first nm.
bounded Then complaints began to
| come In that letters Were not being
| properly sent OFT The postoffice de-
! partment sent an inspector to lnves-
| tigatc.
The postmaster was also the gro.
| cor, What becomes OF the letters
! posted here7 demanded the lnspec-
Ing sent OF
"of course they amt" was the
| startling response. MS the postmaster
| grocer pointed to n large and nearly
! empty mail sack hanging In a corner
II amt sent It off because II amt
anywheres near fun yotl'
II was reading magazine article
| the other day" said the boarding
| house keeper, lin which the writer
advanced tho theory that fully two
thirds OF the diseases that afflict hu-
~
We'll, | suppose that's about right"
roJolncd tho scanty- haired bachelor
at tho foot OF the table ANY way,
u IL months since any one was III at
this establishment"
ncakIn met his friend Gaydon COM
ing out OF the police court tho other
morning,
"llcllo What have you been do
ing thoro3' he asked
rive Just been fined for speeding"
'inYdon replied Eiumly.
How fast were you goingf"
'forty miles nm hour, according to
the policeman" was Gaydons an
aver
Lucky Jiml" exclaimed Dcakin. II
wish some policeman would arrest me
for speeding. II could get "A state
mont In the papers that that old bus
~ mine was going forty miles an
hour | might DO able TO sell IT.
He was u stranger IN the town and
was obviously looklns for an address.
But lac went about In that half
ashamed way peculiar TO shy people
ns though tho mere fact OF being
stranger were n crime OF the worst
description. He was getting hopeless
about ever reaching his destination,
when he cspicd "A small ragged boy
standing dcjoctcdly on the curb. To
this youngster he made his way and
with tho hectic flush OF shame on his
checks addressed him almost apollo
gotlCally: "i--er-~want 70 20 to the
electric light station" he murmurcd.
The hoy eyed him for moment. "Ali
right" he snid, '"rrot along"
Sploshkns wanted to sell his horse.
40 prevailed on the local dealer to
come and SEQ the animal
That's "a good horse. Mr.. TAYLOR"
Sploshklna said 70 the dealer. 1T cost
mo $500. but you can have II for $3.50
Tho dealer gnsped
That's rather "A big reduction. Mr..
Sploshkina. isn't IT." he asked.
well" Sploshklna admitted. that
fact Ia II bottled one day and killed my
poor wife. and now I've got no further
use for IT,
A temperance lecturer displayed TO
his audience two geranums, The first
had been wBtcrcd In tho usual way.
The other had been doSed with alcohol
and It's foliage was shrlveled and
sparse, It's stem twisted and It's vitality
dechyud
Now. ladies' and gentlemen" cried
tho lecturer, what can you say TO
like that"
ITS all right, and II | were a gera-
MUM" said u shabby man az the back
" the han IRA stick 20 water. but you
soc. I'm not geranlum,'
Mother was very adafhRnt
mo. John. no more candy tonight.
Don't you know you can't sleep on
fun stomach"
But il was very good candy. and
Iohu wanted 10 have another piece.
That's an right mother" he VEN
urcd. Il can sleep on my lack"
\ lad ~ 10 was driving along
ountry road, taxing "a load of calves
% market. when he CHANGED 20 meet
.ompany 81 young folk who were EVIL.
entity On "a pleasure Iaunt
The young men OF the pleasure
1rty thought that they would have
ome fun NJ tho expense OF the farm.
RS hoy. and commenced to moo like
alvts
Hut their merrlmcnt was OF short
urdtion. for without IA moments hesi-
q ION as the vehicles were passing
hc country had called out 10 his would
e. tormrntors.
''rs all right knew what yoU
'ere hefsrr'
~ political meeting In a country
.,u u large audience had assembled
l support candidate.
Ing the speech Of the candidate
U'u uut h0a nr1i Ia az the door ana
uuIed In a loud voice:
H.n any one here sell NE a quar-
ms worth ot s'usr''
'rr, speaker halted. evidently quite
but the chairman Of the
fnr sllcnccd the intruder by re-
w., aut you have nothing to put
lr'