davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
Speaking of Acrobsts

In urging Phoenix voters to put across the bond issue for Phoenix p1aygrounds, for the kids" the Gazette points to the exhalted paral- lel of Judge Landis accepting the chairmanship of American baseball accepted if flor the kids sake In so doing, comments our varued con- temporary, he took over a job as thankless as that of an umpire. 3 'Tbankless?" Gosh, no! Just listen to the thanks the Gazette in a previ- ous issue gave the white haired old jedge for his. efforts to keep the game clean for the kids We quote When the nation is offered the un- usual spectacle of seeing a judge of the federal court assume the role of 8 sort of sublimated umpire, the sight is bound to arouse no little amuse- ment and ribald laughter Thus Judge Landis will cheapen himself with everybody. He had better stick to his bench and his musty law tonnes and not attempt the undignieied role of judicial acrobat
 But, dear reader gentle reader don't let that stop you from voting yes on the playground bonds prop osition. And in the name of decency put across the bonds for new city jail. Take it from us as knowing the place intimately-the present hole is q real hellhole.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
TAKES THE CAKE

The prize Thanksgiving testimonial we think, concerns dish of cranberry sauce which the hostess had slaved owe rand worked over and pretted over because it refused to jelL In despair she decided to let it go as sauce. She had hired a cateress to prepare and serve the dinner And it wasn't until the party was muching the nuts that the hostess arose and shrieked, Great heavings! We forgot th ecranberry sauce,v
 Some emissaries are going to find out before they quit this country that the road to hell is paved with asphalt
 Now that the authorities have ruled against the sale of hops, it is too late to urge the homebrewers to do their Christmas ''hopping' early.
 France urges the recognition of the Reds. What other choice have we with them sweeping on like a prairie fire2
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
START RIGHT
RY Herbert Kaufman

You can't pretend through to the end; You can't escape disclosure; You're bound to trip Or make slip
 That shames you with exposure. However great your mimic art Sharp eyes will penetrate your part. The snob must drop his tawdry cloak And stand for what he is--a jokel The cheat is sure to everyday And flash his dirty hand some day. The liar can't elude his past Truth always runs him down at last. Start right-it proves your common sense. It costs much more to re-commence.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
THANKSGIVING ODE
By Edith Redwood

ain't got no swell georgette a-strung with injun beads. No cntex set already yet, like any lady needs; No Mexicali camisole my vertebrae reveals, ain't got no casserole to cook my humble meals ain't got no summer furs to cool my I aint got no winter peek-a-boos to keep me warm; No layalliere or rte-coehere for me to mispronounce; aint got no haystack hair to make an ear drum flounce. No afternoon tea wagonette have around the place, No real Madeira dolly set with tires of Cluny lace; No eyebrow stick or red rouge pot the
 struggling male to vamp; Alas, I haven't even got pink plano
 lamp.
 My rooftree on the landscape shows
 up like a blowout patch. But warm and bright it's hearthfire
 glows and welcome s OR the latch. And I have got an eye to read the
 good in every face, And I have got lip to plead the
 other fellows case. An 'circling arm to soothe distress
 where childish trebles blend. An ear to hear the s o $ of any ship
 wrecked friend; If I'm not thankful for my bread nor praise my simple lot, Somebody ought to strike me. dead
 they'll do it like as not!
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27


 Phoenix. Ariz, Nov. 26.-Arizona Re- publican. Phoenix. Ariz.-Gentlemen
 I notice that on page of your issue of November 25 you published an item in reference to me as follows.
 MANN ACT Charged with violating the Mann act, l. J. Ad- dington yesterday was held to answer to the federal court by United States Commissioner Henke following a hear ing in the case. Addingto11 previously had entered a plea of not guilty to the charge. It is alleged that he trans ported Blanch Tunstan from Phoenix to Lahabra, Calf, for immoral pur- poses. Miss Tunstail is being held in jail under bond of 5000 as witness in mitted to the county jail when he failed to furnish bond of $2000."
 This statement in regard to the abil- ity to give bond and of being sent to jail is absolutely untrue. both as to myself and the witness mentioned.
 The facts are that no witnesses whatever were put on the stand in my behalf and no defense made, simply allowing the matter to go over to the grand jury, which meets on next Mon day, so that the matter could be finally settled. The bond of $2000 for myself and for the witness of 5000 and the bondsmen were in the court rooms and made the bond within five mputes after the amount of the bond was fixed and there was no remand to jail about it. either for me or the witness.
 I demand that in your next issue you completely retract this statement and give the retraction equal publicity with the false statement It is, as consider the charge made by you, one of a slan- derous nature and one qualified to bring me into disrepute in this county, where have lived all my life, and also liable to injure me in a hearing in case I should ever be tried on the charge mentioned Yours truly,
 J. J. ADDINGTON,
 Phoenix, Ariz., Gen. Del
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
HOW INSANE AsYLuMs STARTED

A New England woman, single hand cd, and in the scenes where Puritan ancestors had heartlessly condemned witches-old women suffering mental ailments-made the fight which opened the way for insane asylums in this country as they are known today.
 The woman was Dorothea Lyme Dix, who ran away from her home in Worcester, Mass, from a religious fanatic of a father. The beginning of the nineteenth century saw only four insane asylums in the country. only one of wSich has been built by state direction. The scores operating today for more than 240.000 insane are the
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
HIS WISH

Willie-Pa, when you come tn the wishbone, kin I have it?
 Pa-Why, Willie; what do you want to wish?
 Wilie-For some moro chicken Detroit News
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

It is estimated that there are from 15,OOO to 30, 900 dogs in Damascus.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

Oysters are picked from bushes and trees along the river of Humber in Peru
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

Horn books were used early the sixteenth century by the schoolboys of that day.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

It Magellan 3s days to sail through the 325- mile length of the strait bearing his
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
Phoenix, Ariz., Gen. Del

CWe are printing the foregoing not at the rather imperious demand of the writer, or because he believes the state ment to be slanderous, but because It is the policy of The Republican to oe fair-Elditorl
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
Watt? Watt?

F. P. A. suggests that when Mr. Edison says womans place is in the home, he means ohm There will probably be a lot of resistence of fered to such a re-volting charge
 WHY THE PROPOSED BANDS SHOULD BE VOTED-head on Re pubican's bond issue editorial But ye ed. didn't propose to pay off the indebtedness with musical notes. or to pay it off with do" instead of dough
 The Christmas giving problem is reduced to it's simplest form this year: most of us are broke.
 Like the Streetcar Go.
 The gas company declares 1t will face bankruptcy unless granted in- creased rates. Voice from the pencil: After you, my dear gas man."
 Don't double-cross the Red Cross.
 Coming out, our latest song. en- titled, Get the sack. the sack, the sack. for Mister Saxtonlr
 So you see, children, we can have paved highways IF-tlle railroads. the bond takers, the bitulithic confrac- tors. and handful of unscrupulous attorneys and selfish citizens can get their share of the loot first
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

At last, a concrete illustration of what happens when the irresistible force meets the immovable body. Ire land getting home rule from England If there is any public pest that we love, it's the bird who, as soon as he finds he rang your number by mistake, just dumbly holds the receiver to his ear and let's you answer and answer, and implore him to say whoinel he wants. And while you pause for some apt remark, Bang" he hangs us
 
 THE PLACE FOR FEM A reader asks--Wflr Scare be any profiteers in the future world? We hope so. We wish they were all there Rural Life (Rochester).
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27
c. c. H. EDITOR
ALL ABO-O-O-OARD,

So the Arizona Eastern is now sending out old No. 21 at 4:4O a, m.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

MORNING, NOVEMBER 27. 1920
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

Can it be that the "a. m" is the same pair that means '.morning?" Why. my dear, there must be some shastly mistake about it!
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

Well, as far as most of us are con eerned, they might as we'll have sent 1t out 40 A. D. We'd have just as much hope of catching it.
Arizona republican., 1920-11-27

The Christmas giving problem is reduced to it's simplest form this year. most Of us are broke.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13

What some people regard as the most reprehensibie of all crimes, short of murder, is reported in Massachusetts. where a gentleman's home was entered and robbed of eight cases of select Scotch whisky.
 # x x
 In appealing from Philip drunk to Philip sober at the Jackson Day ban quet, MT. Bryan used a figure of speech that must have irritated hundreds of guests whose throats were as dry as an Arizona arroyo.
 # % x
 Dire events are predicted for the spring. That's no news to the suburb anite who feels morally certain that his neighbor's chickens are going to play hob with his garden.
 x # x Galli-Curci paid her ex-husband ESQ., 900. Not a bad days work for Luigi Curci, but the trouble is he has placed himself in a position where he cannot repeat the touch.
 Speaking of the high cost of living and kindred subjects, the mayor of Bel pre-, Ohio, has resigned because he couldn't make both ends meet on saI- of e1f0
 x < # It is impossible to read without blinking . dispatch from New York stating that bartenders have fixed a minimum wage of $50 week for 1o- hour day
 The New York Telegram speaks of 'Milwaukee's political perversity." Other commentators go a bit further and call 1t treason"
 x # #
 Kansas City presented General Per shing with golden saber and there is still some talk of presenting him with the presidency.
 x + +
 The American government has no particular grudge against Finland The soviet ark" will merely land at Fin nish port for reasons of expediency.
 E x #
 Clemenceau and the presidency of France sonstitute one of fhe fev csses on record of the office actually seeking the man.
 That young woman who said she didn't know it was wrong to have more than one husband at time has cer- tain1y never attended the movies.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
THE SURPRISES OF NEXT SPRING

From the Cincinnati Enquirer
 AHO sooner had Monsieur Patck UNI been appointed. or elected. to the position of foreign minister of Poland than he took the swiftest route to Paris. Before the representa- tives of the allied nations he stated the pressing need of their assistance in the Polish struggle against the bolshe- wiki T come to say to you that the spring will bring you great surprises he declared.
 In explanation of that cryptic and prophetic utterance he set forth the facts. well known in his native land, that the armies of the bolsheviki were hanging over the frontier of Poland like an avalanche, which the spring would loosen for a fall. Because "the. anti-bolshevik forces are doing rather poorly"-a graceful euphemism for disastrous repulses'-he assured his hearers the innumerable inordes of the soviet government would be let loose upon the only barrier between western Europe and anarchy, namely, the Pol ish army.
 The prophecy is alarming. It is true that the world is ringing with Casscan- dra voices. Approximations of evil are as numerous and irrepressible as the croaking of frogs or the stridu- lationss of crickets. But the conspiracy of these ominous voices can hardly be taken as proof of their falsity or in nocuousness. Their very multiplicity
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
THE IMPORTANCE OF THE HEN

From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
 In the old days when "Tama Iim' Wilson was Secretary of Agriculture his annual report never missed trib- ute to the. productivity of the great American hen. running up well over l, : o0,ooo.o0o dozen eggs. But even his eulogistic eloauence would be strained ip these days when the price has made the egg almost a curiosity at the av- craze table and the egg crop of a nation compares with national tax leyies. Exports of Irish eggs now rank next in importance to Irish cattle, a cable informs us. In 1918 the value of the Irish egg sent to Great Britain reached nearly $so.oo0,ooo, and it is believed that this figure has been ex- ceeded in l919. Ireland has captured Russias and part of Denmark's egg trade with Great Britain, the two chief sources of foreign supply before the war.
 It is curious to note that the value Of Ireland's egg exports to Great Brit ain approaches the total of Irish tax ation to be paid to Great Britain under the new home rule act. which was s0,000.00 year. But think, too, of the American hen with its present production of 1,500, 100000 dozen, worth who knows what day, with prices soar ing, around $1.500,000, 0O0!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
Swallow 'Em Whole

was amused at the remarks of little boy about ghosts who visited a. neighbor of mine a few afternoons ago.. said K. C. Redns. "Boylikes he forgot how time was passing and the first thing he knew it was pitch black dark, and as he lived down under the hill he was loath to go home alone, and yet he did rot want to let the grown people know that he was scared He framed LID with lis playmate to go half the way with him. He obligingly consented, but when the time vcame to part both lost their nerve. Reluctantly they returned to the starting point in order to ring up and ask for someone to come and get the stranded one. The mother, to comfort her sons little chum, said What makes you afraid of ghosts; they haven't got any teeth?' Then she got a surprise, for as quick as flash he answered, That's just what makes me afraid of them. Ghosts haven't got any teeth, they just swallow you whole She wisey gave it up and waited for the servant who was sent to fetch him home.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
Absurdity of Erecting
 A Monument to Oneself,

M FORMER member of large 6A mercantile firm in Pittsburg who set aside twenty thousand dollars of his three hundred thousand dollar estate to provide a mausoleum for himself and woman who is one of the chief beneficiaries named in his will, probably never read those im- mortal lines telling the fate of Ozy- mandyas' memorial which he planned to last for all time, perpetual re- minder of his own greatness.
 An inconspicuous person who seems never to have done anything in par ticular except to amass wealth, this
 man devotes nearly third of his fortune to tomb that might grace the last resting place of conqueror, a statesman or a benefactor of hu- manity, but is absurd in the case of an individual who was not even among the nations merchant princes, men who are worth millions and en- joy certain degree of fame. Not only is seventy-five thousand dollars provided for the mausoleum itself, but a trust fund of ten thousand dollars is established for maintaining it. : There is something both ridiculous and pathetic in the efforts of people to make a noise in the world after they are gone by some such exhibition of pride and folly as that of the Pitts burg merchant. The truly modest man will not insist that his name be placed above the entrance to a school or hospital or public park which he gives to his fellow citizens, but that IS permissible. What purpose can this magnificent tomb serve. except to invite derision, unless the thing it. self is such work of art that pil- grims will come from afar to admire 1t, forgetting in the beauty of tbe memorial the humble dust that lies beneath?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
Prosperou. Time.

Business in St. Clair county is good and the prospects are bright for con- tinued prosperous times for the entire year. said State Senator Watt Brown, who came to the city yesterday to at tend to some business matters My company, the Ragland Coal company, IS opening new mine at Ragland. which will be ready to begin shipments Tn a short time. The old mine is run hing full time and ready purchasers are found for every ton of coal we can turn out The St. Clair mines were not affected by the strike in Novem- Der, but continued operations on a normal basis the entire time. The present demand for our product is greater than we can supply and we can see no reason for this condition not keeping up all year."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
Sight From Red Mountain

T had heard great deal about Bir- mngham as the Pittsburg of the south and knew of it's phenomenal growth as shown by the 1910 census" said l.. w. Joselyn, the new superintendent of the Birmingham Public Library. but it's nat ural beauty and the loveliness of it's resi- dence section was revelation. I came through sfrom Jacksonville, Fla. my home It took three days. Some of the roads were fine. while some stretches like the ones out from Columbus, Ga. and Montgomery were mighty bad We came by Waycross, Fitzgerald, Ogle- thorpe. Columbus and Montgomery. and there was much worth seeing along the route,. but when we reached the crest of Red mountain, overlooking the lighted city below, my wife could not restrain her enthusiastic admiration. and said that the sight was well worth the whole trip. am. sure we are both going to like the Magic City. I am here to try and serve the reading public through the library.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13

is evidence that they are echoes of a truth proclaimed by the voice which forever gives us mortals intimations, vague but real, of events below the horizon.
 Against the peril of bolshevism the world cannot arm itself too soon No wonder that Premier Kei Hara of Ja- pan has recently declared that Japan cannot afford to permit the dangerous red influence to touch her territory, and must protect herself against it as it would against a great scourge." And no wonder that leading citizens in America are planning an organization |of four or five million members who will pledge themselves to fight this peril to the last ditch with every avail able weapon.
 That "the spring will bring us great surprises" it is scarcely possible to doubt: nor that the winter will bring them. nor the summer nor the autumn It is an age of surprises. of mental and moral earthquakes and irruptions It is period in which individuals and nations should be ready for emergen. |cies, for the spring of the tiger, the bursting of the tempest and the com ing of a de1uge even.
 It is time to organize another cru. sade of preparedness" We have been taken unawares too often. Another surprise may be fatal. To heed the warning of Minister Patck is wisdom which is the heettey-. r,a rt of vaIor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
Hoover Warns Against Pauperizing Europe

lG(ERBERT HOOVER played Santa 2 1 Claus to Europe with zeal and lavishness, thanks to the unqualified support of the American government and the American people. Europe may have gotten the impression that 1t could safely count on a continuance of this help. If so, it will be some what disillusioned by MT. Hoover's firm stand against extending aid to the point where we shall pauperize the objects of our bounty.
 MT. Hoover not only advises Europe to go to work and quit talking about her troubles, but he tells the House ways and means committee that inc United States should not foot the hills for political upheavals which have come about since the war. Eurone except for small area, should be able to feed herself this year, he says. If turbulent nations wish to continue their political joyrides they ought to pay for them, and not the United States.
 Surely no one is better informed re- garding economic conditions in Eu-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-01-13
LUKE M'LUkE SAYS


 Where two or three women are gath cred together. some woman who is a mutual friend is getting nice pan ming. t
 Why is it that a woman who runs to red hats, purple waists, green skirts and pink stockings imagines that it Is up to her to buy her husbands neckwear for him? a
 One difference between the slim one S and the corn feds is that the slim one is rag and a bone and hank of hair and the corn fed is a rag and a wobble and hank of hair.
 A married woman has an idea that her. husband would like to fhrt with every pretty girl he sees. And the trouble Is that she Is usually right
 Another reason for knee-high skirts Is that there isn't much use having silk stockings if your skirt comes clear down to your shoe top.
 Marriage is something that can turn a love sick couple into couple who are sick in love.
 What doth it profit woman to go to church on Sunday. when she re- turneth home and discovereth that her Jacobs ladders?
 Thirty years ago when a small boy saw his big sister carry the wash tub into the kitchen on Saturday after noon and put it on the floor beside the stove. he sknew that 1t was up to him 10 go out and take walk for an hour or two.
 When caterpillar gets so old, it sheds its leKs and wears wings. And when girl gets so old. she sheds her legs and, wears limbs.
 When some men give their old straw hats to the poor in November. they figure they have done enough charity to last them all year.
 And faith won't do girl bih of good when safety pin is what she needs.