Every evening, Wilmington daily commercial., 1920-06-18
Convention Humor
BY Frederic J. Haskin

Chicago convention of eight years ago
huge Texas delegate picked up veto.
Rosewater, chairman of the national
committee, n very small man, ana boosteu
him above the heads of the crowd that nc
might be admired and receive its plaudlts
Put that child down, roared voice
from the gallery, you re not it's father!
And the chairman reaped great laugh
Every national convention brings torth
it's crop of Jokes, many of which are very
good and deserve to live. If the reporters
instead of putting dS tyn the endless and
emptv oratory would only record the
Jokes and let it 90 at that, the conventions
would live long i'll the memory of men
A convention is huge geyser OF per-
ftnctorv buncombe 1t is a mammoth
platitude factory Supposed to be a
means of expressing the popular will, IT
Is really n struggle between weary mob
and an astute little group of professional
Wire-pullers. =.
Against all it's pretense and parade, 1t S
empty words and meaningless maneuvers,
the American sense of humor occasionally
reacts with considerable force and point.
Thus. when a certain Democratic con-
vcntion had dragged its weary length
through many ballots, famous orator
got up and began bouncing his hollow
words off the heads of the iaded delegates
Gentlemen, why are we hercY he
doomed in rhetorical query at the heignt
of his eloquence. And at once the dele
gates IN mournful chorus answered hin'
THEY TOLD HIM.
''We're here because e're here because
we're here because were here.
When convention becomes deadlocked
il is a truly terrible test of endurance ana
patience. At the Democratic convention
T1.I fnr
proceedings dragged so long that the
round trip tickets of the delegates had
repeatedly to be extended. When 1t was
announced that the tickets had been
extended to June 10 the lrreverent voice
Immediately demanded:
This wear or next
Senator Gore at this same convention
comforted the unhappy delegates by
telling them the story OF the little boy who
went to picnic. He got stung by bee,
spilled molasses down his sleeve, another
bov licked him, and ne fell IN the brook.
When he got home his mother asked hun
If he had good time, and he said. well,
he was so glad TO get back that ne as
glad the went.
Indeed. at a deadlocked convention,
the prevailing sentiment Is often IN favor
Of choosing almost anyone In order to get
done with the ioh. As the delegates AT
Baltimore sat through long swelterlns
hours while the enterpising inn-keepers
Of that town added up their bills. they
lifted I'D their voices in this doietul
dltty:
At home we have to skimp and save.
Ma writes it is 8. mystery
WHY Pa must pay twelve bones day
To make our nations history.
There is always 8 certain struggle be
tween the chairman and the galleries:
Theoretically the thousands in the gal
le-ies are no part OF the convention
proper. They are merely there 10 look on
Bllt A. a matter OF fact they take part Il
III the yelling and singing they rcinforc
magnify every mob impulse. Stam
leS that have carried dark horses
i, the nomination have been starte
from the gallery and carried iorwar
largely bv the gallery. It is the admission
of an enormous gallery which has change
the convention from 81 deliberate body int
n circus. Therefore when Senator Roo
with terrific dignity reproved the CALLER
SAYING:
DAMrER FOR DIGNITY.
Il remind you that you are guests
this convention.
The irreverent voice at once replied:
Il paid four dollars for my seat.
And once more laughter routed dignit,
A good deal more was accomphsht
hv the sergeant at arms who struggle
with a confusion as 10 whether a gallel
was singular or plural.
The gallery will remember their Co
duct. he announced. Otherwise they
which IS only here as gusets-wln
clea red. We do not want to speak TO
or them-whether it be him or her
again. It will remain orderly and not
those to cause disturbance
At Baltimore a pigeon got loose IN {
coliseum and few round and round.
"Haw shouted an ecstatlc delegs'
''The dove of peace
Yes" countered a weary one, don
its dArnedest to escape.
There are always, at conventions ar
other political gatherings, q certain nun
Der Of men whose mere presence Is a sour'
OF amusement Such a one supremely
James Hamilton Lewis with his pir
whiskers, his queer regalia and his elabo
ate manners To hear him deliver
meilIauous and somewhat tautologie
discourse while cultivating his beard Wi
folding tortoise-shell pocket-comb Is
arresting spectacle. And he never fail
to produce mirth when he temporarl
took the chair at Democratic conventl
handling the gavel as dalntlly as
debutante. with one finger coquettish
crooked. Hefin of Alabama is anoth
eve-hlling spectacle, and the late OIL
James OF Kentucky, though not much OF
poser, was always a striking feature
the scenery by reason OF his huge 81
and rugged contours. At Baltimore
wilted down one collar after another. al
some convention wit immediate
started g little song.
oLLIE's COLLAR.
"OlIie, Ollie, you're annoyed,
Your collar ism cellulold
Occasionally the voice of humor real
starts something at a convention. ii
happened when Grover Cleveland "
nominated for the second time agair
the opposition of Iammany Hall. Tan
MANY seemed TO be winning out VIII
General L. S Bragg of Wisconsin took t
floor and made his famous speech IN VIII
he said of Cleveland:
'eWe love him not only for the frienc
but for the enemies he has made.
No applause greeted this point
tribute, until g voice ID the audlen
shouted
Let EN- have little more graz
Captain Bragg"
Then the convention burst into 70
Of cheering that literally carried Clevelal
into the nomination.
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