The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-09-13
Bits ofByplay
BY LUKE MCLUKE
Copyright. 1920. by
The Cincinnati enquirer.


Fact.
We would be welcomed by the Lord, 4
And We would reap great reward,
II you were half as good as we q
Expect our fellow men to be-.
Then II Happened,
Il wonder II you could?" unused the
Rummy.
You wonder II you could what?" de-
manded his friend.
why, ] wonder II you could say that
the Postmaster General has his zone
opinions about the Parcel fost?" replied
the Rummy.
Aw. Gwanl
IAN flesh is grass" said Parson PETIT,
When he met me one day;
And | replied: Well. | will bet
All widows amt that way"
Mean Brute!
~ never can tell what the neighborA'
will do next" sighed Mrs. Gabb.
Huh, growled Mr.. Gabb. But ]
notice that you manage to tell what.
they did last"
Charles PonZi, ere we part,
Ere for durance vile you start,
Ere your wizards robe you doff, a.,
Tell nowhere do / get off?
| thought l would get rich quick;
Now l find l am Hick,
In my wad you've put a dent.
Where's my siXty-five per cent?
Ponzied Finance.
1t has been discovered that at the
rate OF interest guaranteed by Charles
Ionzi an investor could run 800 up
into sos, 700 In two years. Ponzi inter-
est meant 2,463 per cent. in a year.
This would mean 1858, 800 per cent in
three years. One thousand dollars in
vested with Ponzi would have paid
you $16,S30 in three years. $431 900, 200
in four years and $1,000, 900. 900 In Ave
years II the allies had invested a mil
lion dollars with Ponzi they could have
paid off their total war debt in three
years. Whatever, else you may say
about Ponzi, he wasn't piker. In
three years Ponzi would have run that
$1.000,000 up into a mere $16.SS5, 000, 600.
He, hunt. Please pass the coke!
Oh, Joyi
Expert Locksmithing
Grinding Shop.
Lakeman Street, Cincinnati.
Shave is Cents.
cink, Jclank!
Nothing like firm having a name to
fit its business. For instance, Ruank &
Bunk are blacksmiths at Amo, Ind.
Hello, Bill
B. Poe, the Grafton w. Va.) grocer
says he would make-a good Elk.
Our Daily Special.
Presents Make The Heart Grow
Ponder. .-.-..-..
luke McLuke Says. ~,
What has become of the o. (. illus.
trated Bible that had picture show
ing Eve attired in a green envelope
combination, being driven from the
Garden by an angel in red see-more
while blue snake with a Ben Davis
in his mouth lurked in the background?
The Champeen Fighter and the Cham
peen Runner are about the only two
men in town who can afford to tell the !,
truth all the time.
Virtue is using so much red paint these
days that is 1t hard to tell her from
Vice.
About the only time married man is
sure he Is wrong is when his wife hap
pens to agree with him. ttft
Isn't 1T too bad that Dame Fortune
isn't as good a mixer as Misfortune?
It-is hard to understand a woman
Even when her husband is cross eyed
and wears red whiskers, she'll get jeal-
GUS when she sees him talking to an
other woman.
When 1t comes to breeding contempt,
Garlic and Onions can make Familiarity
look like a Piker. 49,
Kiss your wife every time you leave
the house and she isn't going to let any
body knock you while you are away.
, You canotell a wise man by the way
he keeps his mouth shut.