The Washington herald., 1920-07-18

byways are thronged with Al
Rashids IN divers DISCUSSES. seek
ing diversion and victims for
their unbridled generosity. You
can scarcely find a poor beggar
whom they are willing to let en-
JOY his spoils unsyccored. nor q
wrecked unfortunate upon whom
they will not reshower the means
of fresh misfortune. You will
hardly find anywhere a hungry
one who has not had the oppor-
tunity to tighten his belt in gift
libraries. nor a poor pundit who
has not blushed at the holiday
basket of celery-crowned turkey
forced resoundingly through his.
door by the eleemosynary press.>
So then. fearfully through the
harun-haunted streets creep the
one-eyed calenders, the Little
Hunchback and the Rarber's
Sixth Brother. hoping to escape
the ministrations of the rowing
horde of caliphoid sultans.
Entertainment for many Arab
ian nights might be had from
the histories of those who have
escaped the largesse of the army
of Commanders of the Faithful.
Until dawn you might sit on the
enchanted rug and listen to such
stories as are told of the power
full genie Roc-Ef-El-Er who sent
the Forty Thieves to soak up the
oil plant of Ali Baba; of the good
Caliph Kar-Neg-Ghe. who gave
away palaces; of the Seven Voy-
ages of Sailbad, the Sinner, who
frequented wooden excursion
steamers among the islands; of
the Fisherman and the Bottle of
the Barmecides' boarding house;
of Aladdin's rise to wealth by
means of his Wonderful Gas
meter.
But now, there being ten sui
tans to one Sheherazade, she is
held too valuable to be in fear
of the bowstring. In consequence
the art of narrative langulshes.
And, as the lesser caliphs are
hunting the happy poor and the
resigned unfortunate from cover
to cover in order to heap upon
them strange mercies and mys-
terious benefits, too often comes
the report from Arabian head
ouarters that the captive refused
ito talk"
This reticence. then, in the
actors who perform the sad
comedies of their philanthropy
scourged world. must, in a degree,
account for the shortcomings OF
this painfully CLEANED tale, which
shall be called "The Story of the
Caliph Who Alleviated His Con-
science"
Old Jacob Spraggins mixed for
himself some scotch and nthia
water at his $1,000 oak sideboard.
Inspiration must have resulted
from it's inhibition, for immedi-
ately aftcrward he struck the
uuartcred oak soundly with his
fist and shouted to the empty din
ing room:
by the coke ovens of hell. it
must be that ten thousand dol
lars, II 1 can get that squared
it'll do the trick"
Thus. by the commonest artifice
of the trade, having gained your
interest. the action of the story
will now be suspended, leaving
you grumpily to consider a sort
of dull biography beginning fif-
teen years before.
wher old Jacob was young
Jacob he was a breaker boy in
Pennsylvania coal mine. 1 don't
know what a breaker boy is; but
his occupation seems to be stand
ing by a coal dump with a wan
look and a dinner-pail to have
his picture taken for magazine
articles Anyhow, Jacob was one.
But, instead of dying of overwork
at nine, and leaving his helpless
parents and brothers at the mercy
of the union strikers reserve
fund. he hitched up his galluses,
put q dollar or two in side
proposition now and then, and at
forty-five was worth 100000, ,000.,
There now. it's over. Hardly
had time to yawn, did you? I've
seen biographers that-but let US
dissemble.
I want you to consider Jacob
Spraggins, ESQ, after he had ar
rived at the seventh stage of his
career. The stages meant are.
first, humble origin; second, de-
served promotion; third, stock
holder; fourth, capitalist: fifth,
trust magnate; sixth, rich male
factor; seventh. caliph; eighth, y.
The eighth stage shall be left to
tho higher mathematics.
At f1fty-five Jacob retired from
active business. The income of
car was still rolling in on him
from coal, iron. real estate, oil,
railroads, manufactures, and cor
porations, but none of it touched
Jacobs hands in a raw state. 1t
was a sterilized increment, care
fully cleaned and busted and fu-
migated until IL arrived at it's ul-
innate stage of untainted, spot
less checks IN the white fingers
Of his private secretary. Jacob
built a s3.oo0,ooo palace on a
corner lot fronting on NaboD
avenue. city CT New Bagdad, and
began to feel the mantle of the
late II. 4. Rashid descending up
on him. Eventually Jacob slip
ped the mantle under his collar.
tied it in a neat four-in-hand,
and became a licensed harrier of
our Mesopotamian proletariat.
when a mans income becomes
so large that the butcher actually
sends him the kind of steak he
orders. he begins to think about
his souls salvation. Now, the
various stages or classes of rich
men must not be forgotten. The
capitalist can tell you to a dollar
the amount of his wealth. The