davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
THAT ROCk-PIIE LAW.

I have yet TO sec a fellow in any
town who doesn't firt. They must
be pretty dead down I'm Congress
man Clark's town. Gainesville, Fla,
IL they have stopped this little hu-
man diversion. II. L.
If they send cakes TO the rock
pile for flirting they will have TO give
them prison suits OF pink silk vAth
blue stripes and bell bottoms. And
how will they tell each others heads
from the rocks? NJ. PEARSON.
Most Of tho flirting in Washing ton
is done by old men. ! know this from
experience. PADDY DEAR.
] have found this about kissing:
man never forgets the first
kiss, nor a woman the last, be-
cause that is the one each OF them
had the hardest time getting.
HELEN w.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
SHE WAS ON THE JOB.

The little Washington girl told
her mother on Christmas DAY:
And that amt all. mother. After
Santa left all the presents. We
heard him let the cat out an
shake down the furnace"
HELEN W.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

Groucho-I looked At this nut col.
umn. Heard and Seen, today. Rotten.
| call il.
Cheero--You give up too easily.
How do you expect to be cured in a
day, when you have been a crouch
for years? HOMO.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
ONE MORE VERSION.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His brain was all aroaT,
He grabbed a cake of ivory soap
And washed himself ashore.
EN-R
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

Nose Thompson didn't have
fowl for Christmas. lie ex-
planned 10 friends that he had a
bad cold and the doctor had for
hidden him to go out at night.
l.. S. l..
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
Spent S29.130.

ALBANY, Dec. 2S.--Thc New York County
Harding n nd Coolidge Dry Goods Association rc-
ccivcd and spcnt S2a,130 according TO n state
r,cut nlcd with the Secretary OF state.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
Up-to-Date Youth.

BobbN's father asked him when Moses lived,
Bobby said he did not know. His father then
read from n book: Moses 1000 ". c." and then
asked Bobby why he did not know whom Moses
lived. Bobby replied. "Oh. thought that vas
his telephone number
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
GLUME ACTED TOO SOON.

A pessimist. Oliver Giume,
Thought he would die very sumo;
SO he gave all his money
To his optimist sonny,
And TO death Ollie's almost immun,
RAY SPEEF
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
Caught at Last.

CHIPPEWA FALLS Dec. 2S.--Louis Kruger,
thirty, sought s draft cvadcr for two years
has been arrested lie OF four brothers
sought = draft cvaders.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

A fellow who walks five miles to
see a girl must have some heart. /
know a cake who does that.
SHORTY.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
s11EARC nSEEnSa
By BILL PRICE.
The Cine AWay.

FRIEND BILI<-Can some or your
bugs explain this:
You go in a one-armed restaurant
in the morning after a bad night and
sneak up TO the counter and call for
a bowl Of oatmeal In a whisper, and
the fellow back OF the counter bawls
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
MIR. B. Baer
BY T. E. POWERS
Democratic Exodus

u
It's only three months HardinG's first veto
and his Cabinet is stil in the cuckoo's egg. Some
very mentionable men have been picked for the
job in the same way that turkey is picked for
the Thanksgiving dinner.
If you haven't been spanked on the waffle by
a boulevard wolf or nominated for HardinSs
elastic Cabinet you are still an immigrant
Strange thing about a Cabinet vacancy is that
it is still vacancy even when it's filled The
Secretary OF Labor lasts long enough to go out
and look for another job. The Secretary of the
Interior is entitled TO that title If he stays inside
five minutes.
The new Secretary of the Navy is entitled to
twcnty-onc sautcs If he lasts long enough to
hear en-. The new way of saving powder is to
and salute EN- all at once.
The Cabinet will have lot OF interna-
tional questions to settle. Europe
fourteen billion dollars. When YOU think of our
chances of getting that back. the Atlantic Ocean
never seemed so salty as it is now.
The Cabinet will talk cmsolvcs into ten
sets Of Caui0owcr ears about the Kansas farmer
who wants everybody to have two wives Pretty
soon wives will arrive in sets like vest buttons.
The Cabinet will turn in minority report on
the wife question as most Of em arc husbands
already and minority report is husbands
prcrogatiNe
The man who will have tho first chance OF
rcsgning is Charles Evans Hughes. Mr.. Hughes
has been lifelong Republican. lie was Re-
publican when tho industry was mere fad.
His grandpop n Republican and voted for
all tho anne ndmcntS before they started to get
personal AS reward for his Republican stub
bornn"Ss, Mr. Hughes will be foreman tho
presidential jury and will advise Mr.. Harding
any time that a yes" can be stuck in cdgeways.
Following tho operation in the November
clinic, tho new Cabinet will be Republican, and
will have their flashlights taken in various
attitudes Of sclf-dcfcnsc.
The railroads will soon be cloggcd with Demo-
cratic refugees fleeing from tho City of Magnif.
cent Distances and Rent On the Fourth of
March there will be many strange skull
parked beneath tho old familiar high silk hats
as tho last pair of Democratic Coattals huttcr
fecbly over the non partisan horizon.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
You Said 1t.

why arc women like salsdT'
81 wonder"
-Becansa they need lots Of dressing.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
PROBLEM ANSWERS.

The maths state that the answer
to the "Salo Problem submitted by
J. l.. Is that the man gained $40 on
the transaction. lie paid 500 for
the horse. selling II at $50 losing $50.
lie paid $50 for the carriage and dis
poscd OF It for $3.50. gaining $40. VI.
II. ROSSEII,, FRED HAFELFINGER.
O. T.. D.. ". FlELlTT, and V. DIET
give the correct answer,
AZ to the bullet problem FIRED
HAZEL FINGER and |. l.. rARkER
make answer, the former saying that
"tho bullet will hit the ground at
tho same velocity II started. 1t took
lust as long in falling as in rising,
: seconds each way" Expert Parker
nnds that tho bullet Travelled 100
meters.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

Strange thing about a Cabinet vacancy is that
it is still a vacancy even when it's filled. The
secretary OF Labor lasts long enough to go out
and look for another job. The Secretary of the
Interior is entitled to that title If he stays inside
five minutes.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
HIGHWAY BRIDGE DRAW
AND TROUBLES OF COMMUTE


Your column is very close to many
Of US Virginia commuters. We
thought it likely that Col. G.. S. RID
LEY, superintendent of public build
ings and grounds, might do us a real
turn as to the draw on the Highway
bridge after reading this. The colo
mel, we see, is TO close the draw on
the bridge for the passage Of boats
for about fifteen days between the
hours of 1880 a. m. and 8 p. m, that
repairs may be made. The point is
this: If the draw can be closed to
traffic for 3H hours each day for
fifteen days, cannot the colonel-a
very fair officer, we understand-ar-
range to close it regularly in the
morning and evening hours so that a
great many commuters may not be
late in getting TO work or in reach
ing home for dinner?
The colonel may not know it, but
the geezer who sits in the lookout"
of the draw wins the sheet
bathing suit. lie opens the draw as
soon as he sees scow turning
around the "lIorn" in Georgetown,
and hangs up the traffic for long
periods, to the detriment of many
hundreds Of people.
Cannot the colonel arrange with
the drawkeeper so that the delays of
traffic may be as brief as possible;
in fact, none at all in the morning
and afternoon hours when commut-
ers are coming into and going out of
Washington by thousands?
COMMUTERS.
Of you commuters will put this
matter up to Colonel RIDLEY the
chances are good that he will aid
/ YOu.=EDITORl
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

A kiss loses half of its perfectly
good SAVIOR if the act is detected by
her stern parent. JOE G.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
BUSINESS MEMS PROBLEMS.

what per cent must be added
To cost price to give "A discount OF
- per cent and still make n profit
OF 20 per cent?
\ manufactures sells his goods
at "A discount of 80 pcr cent and
another discount OF 10 per cent,
and thereby gains - ~ per cont.
what Is the list price " the cost
IT, SIS 600
g. II. MCCARTHY.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

It's only three months to HardinG's first veto
and his Cabinet is still in the Cuckoos egg. Some
very mentionable men have been picked for the
job in the same way that a turkey is picked for
the Thanksgiving dinner
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

If you haven't been spanked on the waffle by
a boulevard wolf nominated for Harding $
elastic Cabinet you are still an immigrant
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

The Secretary of the Navy is entitled to
twcnty-onc salutcs If he lasts long enough to
hear en-. The new way of saving powder is to
get n bunch Of Secretaries of the Navy together
and salute 'em all
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
salcsgirls memorandum,

7 saT'sBIfT IHtHlOTd HuUHI, TO
the head of the millinery depart
mcnt: THE mucilage used in
making this hat has a peculiar
odor which was returned by one
of our customers ELLEN S.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29
WHEN LOVE Is True.

when love l. true the world looks bright
and rosy,
And life l. merry as springtime stream,
Two trusting he-rts make home serene and
cosy,
Where souls IN mutual rapture sweetly
dream.
All is well with Time through sorrow and
weather,
when love and faith in harness pull to-
gcther.
GEORGE SANS JOHNSON.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

When Greek meets Greek they
open fruit stands or shoe shine
parlors. But when Irish meet
English they open an uproar.
LUKE McLUkE. |
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

Uill you oughtnt have to buy any
nuts next year. You have enough IN
the column TO last you lGOTEM.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

Following the operation in the November
clinic, tho new cabinet will be Republican, and
will have their flashlights taken in various
attitudes of sclf-dcfensc.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

The new Cabinet will have lot OF interna-
tional questions to settle. Europe owes us
fourteen billion dollars. When you think of our
chances of getting that back. the Atlantic Ocean
never seemed so salty as it is now.
The Washington times., 1920-12-29

There was Nuuug r"undcr 'fN.U Lou
Who made w " batch of homC-bI.Ws
lie took moderate sip,
Not = very largo mir,
HAPPY SIX.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
IN POLICE COURT.

Almeta Morris, Annie Morris and
Hester Haddon, of the colored per.
suasion, were before His Honor, the
Mayor, this morning charged with
fighting the fight taking place in
Cosbytown. 1t seemed from the testi.
mony taken that Almeta had her af.
fections centered on a gentleman Of
color, and Hester Gordon was q
stumbling block in her way.
Tuesday evening Hester got the
man in the case to take her to ride in
an automobile, and of course Hester
had the car to pass Almeta, and as
they passed Hester "cussed" Almeta,
just to show the latter how a "nig.
ger" can cuss. Almeta of course
"cussed" back, and then sticks and
rocks were brought into play. Annie
Morris, a sister of Almeta, had nc
interest in the case, but she did moi
propose to see Almeta's property
taken without due process of law, SO
she handled a rock also.
So far as the testimony showed no
bones were broken and there were no
bruises except of the affections, but
Mayor Mars thought the case deserv.
ed recognition, 50 he levied an assess
ment of $3.50 each against Almeta
and Hester, while Annie drew slip
for $500.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
COTTON GROWERS
TO MAKE PROTEST
F.deral Reserve Credit Policy Dis
in Georgia
CAPITAL Thursday to Take
Action.

Atlanta, Sept, 2S.-Plans for a
nationwide protest against the farm
credit policy of the federal reserve
banks as announced in a recent
statement by Secretary Houston
were made here today at a confer
ence attended by j. J. Brown, Geor-
gia commissioner of agriculture; r.
A. Maddox, president Of the Geor-
gia division of the American Cotton
association, and Harvie Jordon, Sec
retary of the organization.
Secretary Houston's statement
have already hammered down the
price of cotton $50 points," Com
missioner Brown asserted in a state
ment after the conference. GAS long
as the spinner is making 81 worth
Of cloth out of every 40 cents worth
of cotton" he added, ''it is not
worth while to talk to the cotton
grower about debating the cotton
market" He asserted that a similar
situation existed regarding the mil
Ter and the wheat grower.
"The federal reserve act explicitly
provides credit facilities for the
producers of farm crops, the intent
of this being to enable them to hold
their crops for favorable markets, "
said Mr.. Brown.
1t was announced that J. S. Wan
namaker, president of the Ameri-
can Cotton association, will be ask
ed to call a national meeting on the
question in Washington.
Meantime kilograms were sent to
leaders of the cotton association and
the Farmers union, all members of
the Georgia delegation in congress
and all Georgia legislators asking
them to meet here Thursday to file
a protest.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
OF BOTH
DIVISION BEGINS
Division Society Is Called To Order
By Holmes B. Springs Of Green
ville-Big Parade This After
noon.

+ Asheville, N. c., Sept 28.-A keen
fight is developing between Knox
vile, Chattanooga and Nashville for
the honor Of entertaining the next
reunion of the Old Hickory Associa-
ton, although it is believed that
Nashville has the best lead owing to
the fact that Governor Roberts has
wired personal invitation and
mailed the resolution adopted at the
last session of the general assembly
of Tennessee urging the association
to meet at Nashville.
Following heavy rains yesterday
afternoon and last night the first
day of the second annual reunion of
the 30th Division opened here with
clear sky and warm sunshine. The
registration this morning showed
over 5000 veterans up to noon to-
day are officially attending the re-
union, with scores more expecting
during the early afternoon. 1t is safe
to say that at least six thousand
will be in attendance before night.
1t far eclipses in attendance the
Granville raI1nion
The first business session opened
this morning at the city auditorium
with Col. H. B. Springs of Green
vile, president. presiding. Governor
Roberts of Tennessee could not be
present, but Governor Cooper, of
South Carolina and Governor Buckets
of this state, extended cordial well
come to the boys, as did Mayor
Roberts. Gen. Lewis, former COM
mander of the division responded on
behalf of the division.
Everything is set for the great pa
rade which be held at 8 80 o'clock
this afternoon through the principal
streets of the city it is believed that
fully 5000 soldiers will be in line.
A great street dance will be a fea-
ture this evening.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
THE COTTON MARKET

Cotton was stronger today. De-
cember futures closed at $3.50 as
against 22.40 yesterday.
Spot cotton today sold for 26 to
27 cents in Abbeville.
Cotton seed brought 60 cents per
bushel.
Frost is predicted for Oklahoma,
the Panhandle of Texas and Arkan-
sas for tonight, with colder weather
in the East and rain. A storm in the
gulf, threatens to work inland.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
DIR. MOFFATT HERE.

DR.. J. S. Moffatt, the distinguished
president of Erskine College, was
in Abbeville last night, having come
down to attend the citizens meeting
looking to the establishment of the
Baptist High School in Abbeville. He
reports the colleges at Due West full
of students and the work progressing
satisfactorily.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
MEN OF ABBEVILLE
WANT THE SCHOOL
Mass Meeting of the Citizens of Abbeville Held
IN Court House-Good Crowd Attend-Un-
animous Opinion That Military School
Should Be Established Here-Com-
mittee Appointed to Solicit Sub
scription At Early Date

ing some of the difficulties which the
colleges have on account of the fact
that students make application fol
entrance who are not prepared and
who therefore if admitted are drag
all the way through college life. He
urged the building of schools Of this
kind, and thought the people of Alb
beville had fine opportunity to get
the best enterprise offering if this
school may be secured.
Judge Frank Be Gary, Messrs j. S.
Stark, T. G. White, Maj. Fulp, VIM. P
Greene and others made talks on the
subject of securing the school, Of
fering suggestions and giving infor-
nation showing the need of such
schools in every community.
At the end of the discussion, a mo-
ton was made that committee be
appointed with power to act and that
subscriptions be solicited from the
citizens of the town looking to the
establishment of the school. Various
amounts were mentioned, which it
was believed would be necessary in
order to secure the school, but the
prevailing opinion was that it would
be much better ito offer larger
amount than necessary and get the
school, than to offer smaller amount
than necessary and fail to get it. The
committee will probably call on the
people of the city in the next few
days soliciting subscriptions to this
institution on condition that it come
to Abbeville and it is believed and
hoped that the people of the city will
make. a liberal response to the call
which will come to them.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29

Belfast, Sept. 28.-The shooting
by snipers and others which occur
red in the center of Belfast last
night caused panic among the
crowds promenading on Royal ave-
nue. the city's main artery, after
church hours. The disturbance fol-
lowed the shootings Of Saturday
night and early Sunday, in which
one policeman was killed and two
others were wounded, followed by
assassination of three civilians in
reprisal by parties of masked men.
The opening incident of Sunday
nights disorders occurred when
snipers in side streets of the Sinn
Fein quarters fired into North
street, which crosses Royal avenue.
A tram car on North street came in
to the line of fire, and there was
great alarm among the passengers
who, with the driver, crouched on
the floor until the car had turned
into Royal avenue. The tram car
traffic later had to be diverted to an
other route. ...
The rush from the side streets
caused the crowd in Royal avenue
to swell to large proportions and a
stampede was created IN this throng
when volleys suddenly rang out ap-
parently from the Sim Fein side
streets at the top of North street,
the firing rapidly increasing in vol
ume. AS the crowd raced along
Royal avenue in wild disorder a
number of shots were discharged in
Rosemary street, which is on the
southern side of the avenue, Great
ing panic about the Castle street
junction, the most crowded spot in
the city, from which all tram cars
start.
Women rushed hither and thither
in a frenzy and there was a rush to
seek shelter in the cars. A force Of
military was hurried to Rosemary
street and the police took up posi-
ton at Royal avenue and North
street. After these protective meas
ures, conditions quieted down.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29
OLD HICKORY MEN
HOLDING REUNION
Men Who Broke Hindenburg Line
Parade in Asheville--Cooper
Taking Part.

Asheville, N. c., Sept. 28.-With
standards and colofs waving in the
crisp mountain breeze, with horses
praneing and the feet of hundreds of
horses tramping in rythmic unison to
the cadence of four army bands, vet
Grams of the Thirtieth division march
ed through the principal streets of
Asheville today, led by their former
commander, Maj. Gen. E. M. Lewis,
the governors of two states, Maj. Gen
George W. Read, former commander
of the corps, and the general officers
of>their respective stats. Thousands
lined the streets along the course of
march applauding madly as the peo-
pie who broke the Hindenburg line
passed.
The last business session of their
reunion will be held tomorrow morn
ing with addresses by Secretary DAN
iels and Major General Read as fea-
lures. Secretary Daniels will arrive
at noon and speaks also at the court
house at night. Officers will be elected
meeting place chosen and other bus
mess transacted at the morning ses-
sion. All indications point to the Sc
lection of Nashville as the next meet
ing place also Knoxville and Chatta-
nooga are contenders.
Silent Prayer for Dead
Opening with silent prayer for
the soldier dead, followed by the ad-
dresses of welcome delivered for the
city of Asheville by Mayor Gallatin
Roberts and for the State of North
Carolina by Gov. Thomas W. Beckett,
the second reunion of the Old Hick-
ory association, composed Of former
members Of the division, was begun
officially in the auditorium today with
the main floor and galleries packed
to capacity.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1920-09-29

Last night at s o'clock the citizens
Of the town, or a goodly. portion OF
them gathered in the Court House to
consider the matter of raising money
to secure the Military School to be
established by the Baptists>in South
Carolina. J. M. Nickles, of the Cham
ber of Commerce presided at the
meeting.
At the suggestion of the Chairman
DIR. Louis J. Bristow gave history OF
the movement to establish this
school, outlining what the Baptists
proposed to do in an educational way,
the amount of money which had been
raised, and the schools they expected
to establish in the state. He called es-
pecia attention to the Military
School, which he said was to be es-
tablished in upper South Carolina,
and for which he thought Abbevile
had good chance provided the peo-
ple of the town could convince the
Baptist authorities that it would have
our support, and provided we were
willing to offer inducements, better
than other places which are making
bids for it.
DR.. J. S. Moffatt, of Erskine Col
lege, who had been invited to attend
the meeting and make an address on
the moral influence of a school OF
this kind, was next introduced and
made an excellent presentation OF
the advantages which would come to
the town from securing the school,
advantages financial, of a cultural
and moral nature. He spoke too of the
need for schools of this kind, explain