davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1920-07-10

wise 1t Is neither economical nor SEN
sibIe. One OF the policies of this SER
vice station is to advise The car owner
against buying new battefysif ft will
pay to have his old one. repaired. l
think you win agree with me that
this is economical. sensible and good
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1920-07-10

Waila wnila TO Spokane via Lyonns
Ferry and Ifitzviile---Betweeu Walla
fNyaila ana Prescott. first 10 miles
rough, balance fair. Prescott 10 River
generally good. River TO washtncna.
rocAy and cut mp. Washtucna 10 Spo-
Eane. good.
Walln walla to Spokane via Central
Ferry ana colfax--Bad detoar be-
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1920-07-10

RALEIGH. n. c., July To-
Franklin Freeman. who lives on
Franklin street in the village of
franklinton in the. county ot
Franklin. has just purchased q
new Franklin car through the
Ftanklin sub-dealer In Franklin
county. North Carolina,
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

then through her conscience came Inc
hand She held II MP in wonder and
then Sliivered with the shock or what
she saw. She had seized and torn
away part of II necktie, aud in II was
stiIl fashioned firmly pin Of peculiar
design. She stared nj H. recognizing
II beyond any question, feeling her
blood grow chin within her.
Half in stupor, She made her way
IN the ear line, ana then 10 her room
in the quiet residential section. She
strdicd The pin. There could he no
doubt Alden Kenyon was her ussail
ant, Her world NJ dreams began Ia
tumble about her.
Since the day of her coming To the
Martin. had pressed his suit upon her,
and she had liked him even to the cx-
tent Of loving him. IL II had NOT been
Tor her strict little Puritan body and
mind.
His habits We're against him, and
she N"'neu ''T Own ''eon p"nN anu
SOU To" mueh l" FISK II III ms care
Ana then had ZONE Ne''yoh' merry
AMI tfa"E OF eye. poor ont h"horap'"
she bad thMight--tnl and strong,
the type or man sue tou" rove.
Reed had brought him to the Of
nee ior Inc 'wo worAeu W. lne same
es'aD''7i''lenl 10 '''e Guy "''W MINK
lug b" was bringing r'Sn', Now Tue
"ile she ''uo'eo "a" 'a''e" nc''
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
VOYAGE Thai MADE HISTORY
Enelishman's Search for the "North.
east Passage" Resulted IN the
Discovery" Of Russia.

II Is u curious fact that Archansel
owes its origin to an Englishnan. a.
was in the days Of Spanish greatness,
when the galleons OF the king OF Spain
claimed lo rule the sea after u truly
Spanish fashion, and the strangely
elastic law Ut reprisais made voysc.
ing for all merchantmen In certain
wasrs very uncertain experience.
For several years there had beeD talf
IN England, especially az the English
court, of the possibility NJ the existcrcc
OF northeast passage 10 iRdia, and
nf he dcslrnbility ~ exploring It..
Such passage. II II existed, would
undoubtedly be safe frOm Spanish dep.
relations, and there we're. moreover,
great possibilities 0f opening up in
this way new field FOR British trade;
The Talk, however was all there WAS
To the mntter. until about the close
Of the reign of The boy king, Edwnr
vi. Ahoul ,ha, time, however, the
famous navigator Sebastian Cabot
took mp the question in earnest, and.
IN May of the year lN1S, there set oui
from Deptford an expedition OF three
ships. under The command Of Sir Hugh
Willoughby, bound for the northern
seas. One Of lhese ships was the Bon
adventure, OF which Richard Chancellor
WAS The captain and Dllot.general,"
and II II around this ship aud liz
do,';ty captain and pilot-genera, ths'
nll he interest Of the story centers.
Ilo did MOI discover the northeast pas
!, @, hut he did discover" Russia
Il Ad, after many surprising adventures,
.s.prneii {" .l,qpdeQ with II letter iroLl
he car establishing irade relations
Detween the Two nAtiehs."
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

During the present influenza an
small poN epidemic people should be
very careful in mingling where there
is crowd. II was reported las
evening that we had at that dime
about one hundred cases OF contag-
ious diseases. However. the doHtoi $
have the proposition well in hald
and IL people are careful and avoid
II rapid spread of these disels@s zee
physicians will be able to take ca,r
OF the situation and render proper
assistance to those in need OF medi-
cal attention.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
Reports Show That lnflu-
enza Epidemic Is Gaining
Roadway in Many Sec
tons of the Country.
KEEP SYSTEM IN BEST
POSSIBLE CONDITION
Persons Weak and Run
down Are Earliest Vie
Tins. Fortify Against At
tack BY Taking Tanlac.

According TO late press reports is
sued by state and city health author
tiles, Influenza Is again becoming ep
idemic in many sections and some
alarm is now felt that II may becom,
general over the country.
Owing to the lateness of the sea
son 1t is not thought possible tl,a'
the disease can become the great aud
terrifying scourge that II was las'
year, when 1t swept the entire coun
try and claimedd its victims by the
hundreds of thousands. The DANCE
Is too great, however, to take an,
chances and everything possihi.
should be done to ward it Off.
Medical authorities agree that pee
pie who are weak and run down are
the earliest victims Of Influenza. II
you find yourself tired (and LEI
vous) weak and losing flesh, o. :.
you are in a generally run down co.
dition or catch cold easily. this wa"l.
ing should be needed promptly. w,
are really in danger IL exposed % ~
disease, because 1t Is generally bo
lieved to be very contagious and :,
are apt to fall an easy victim II 70.
come in contact with the germr.
People who are we'll and sfron.
are not likely to contract the diseas'
because they are able TO throw I of
The common sense way to keen iron
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
OUT OF
THE DUSK
BY A. W. PEACH

va i'<s' ny hctiufe Ne"kpspsf Sshoch'e'l
Margery Orvis had never stopped TO
think Of the danger that lay for her
IN her habit Of leaving the coal Office
after dusk. Old Martin, who owned
the business, had never reached the
point Of moving his Office from his
yards to some Rptown locality, nor had
he changed the old system Of having
his drivers collect the money for coal
delivered.
@-s He had found Margery 50 clever
and keen that soon he was leaving
the office early for his home, and
she was taking the money from the
drivers. Many times the great coal
yard was gray with dusk before she
slipped homewnrd from the office
IL did not occur TO her that any ne
would rob her. for no one was sup.
posed 10 know that she LEFT with the
entire money collected during the d"y.
Some did know, however.
On that particular - euing she vas
hurrylng down The read between he
bins when her haurI jumped AT the
sound of rush.n; steps.
She half urned. To be graSped tight
ly around The body and to feel the In.
nocen bag she carried snatched from
hand. In the same moment, Ia n wild
e. 'nrt, She seized her assailant about
The nee. but with m oath he tore
loose, hlnging her aside, and disap-
peured.
She drew herself quickly 10 her feet.
hut the dusky silence of the deserted
yard gave back no sign Of the rUl,-
Der. She stood helpless. "a bit dazed
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

The Navy goes all over the
world--sails the Seven Seas
squints at the six continents
that's its business. You stand
to see more odd sights, wonder
full scenery and strange people
than you ever dreamed Of.
You'll work hard while you
work. Youth play hard while you
play. You1l earn and learn.
You'll get, in addition to "shote-
leave, a 30-day straight vsca-
tion-which is more than the
average bank president can
count on.
You can join for two years.
When you get through you'll be
physically and mentally tuned
up" for the rest of your life.
You'll be ready through and
through for SUCCESS.
There's a Recruiting Station
right near you. If you don't
know where It IL, your Post
master will be glad to tell you.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
Give the world
the once over

listen, fellows, to some
straight talk. Many
a man when he gets
to be 40, misses some
thing. He may have
lots of money, and a fine
family but
He never got out and
saw things. After ne
gets settled down, IT'S too
late.
Every man wants to see
the world. No man likes
to stand still all his life.
The best time to TRAVEL
is when you're young and
lively-right NOW
Right NOW your Uncle Sam
Is calling, Shove OIL" He wants
men for his Navy. He's inviting
you'll It's the biggest chance
you'll ever get to give the world
the once overl
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Hello, little girl. thought would
wait few cars. In hopes OF seeing
yen. want to engage yon for the
evening"" he said easily.
II am not Free" she answered az
coolly as sie could, although trembling
within. He was wearing the very suit
he had worn when he robbed her. How
keenly she recalled that gray stripe she
had seen as she had struggled
IL suppose II Is Reed, this time.
Well, can't complain. You have
treated me fairly" he said genially.
He chatted with her, but she had
little to say, and when he Dropped
from the car ri his destinatif'l she
was relieved, although shn coul''
hardly restrain herself fr,m follow.
ing his swinging form ak II dlsap.
Is.ared In the crowd.
All that day she fought silent bat.
tle-whether To- ',il Mr.. Martin what
had happened aud WHO the guilty party
was. Like a Gagged animal her mind
went r' antl fprIh- AT last she
souyh' rreduni.
t. gray-halred veteran listened to
w. story without comments then he
aid gravely: The evidence Is clear
ar? 'ilsi him. My dear little girl, you
r:ui learn. as we all learn, not to trust
u handsome face, friendly way. un-
III u has been tested ri send for
him aud see what he has TO say. My
hoy likes him, and ] hate to have him
jailed"
She suffered In silence until, hours
later. released Sroln his work, he came.
He was changed In some way, and she
guessed that he sensed what he WI.
wanted for.
She caught him impulsvely as he
started to the private Office Il ,or
and whispered: "Ol. Alden" Then
recovering and remembering, she
backed OF, leaving him bewil,icrcd. a
glad smile on his face fading to a
shadow of pain.
Martin called her In after n little
She went IN with trcaplLng step. Al.
den sat, whlie-faced and silent. In q
corner, wearing the look of u trapped
man.
Martins voice was grim. "Margery
Kenyon admits that the pin In his. II
is such an odd one that I doubt II he
could do otherwise. aud he practically
adults that he robbed You. although
he won't say So"
She looked nj him with tears In her
eyes. ~ can't believe t.! I can't"
Kenyon stared Mt her and bslf rose
to his feet his lips opened, hui he said
nothing
Martin locked M him cnl,ly, 81 shall
take action against YOU unless You re.
turn that money. Can YOU do IT."
"Tll try" Kenyon answere,l--and
the answer was admlttspce of guilt.
As she sank back with a low cry
she heard n sharp knock on the door.
II opened. and IN csue Reed his hand.
seine face dark He threw his hat into
chair ana sat down.
81 lust heard what was IN. Tn tho
one. ! room with Alden. II was easy.
I needed the money -dcbts-cur,ls. |
borrowed his suit. and the rest of his
stun. He was wise, aud / knew he
would try Ia save me. TN not such a
dog ~ might bc--and. dad. I'm down
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
PUBLIC SHOULD TAKE
EVERY. PROBATION TO
GUARD AGAINST FLU

taking IL is to fortify the system
against attack by building ap The
constitution, in other words. begin
Immediately to build up your powers
Of resistance.
To accomplish this il has .beea
demonstrated that nothing on ,ar.h
will strengt then you and build yon np
like Tanlac. the powerful recon s'ric-.
tive tonic which contains tho very
elements needed to build up the sys7
TEN and give you fighting strength,
to ward off the Influenza germ.
First OF ali Tanlac begins he work
by creating good healthy appetite
for wholesome. nourishing fool. and
assists every organ Of the bcly 10
perform its natural function. hue
helping to build up health and
strength in the natural way. 49,.
Tanlac is also an ideal strengthens
ing tonic for persons who are suf-
fering from the after effects Of w.
fluenza. Grippe and bronchia. troll
bles, and hundreds OF Thousands are
using It daily with the most crafty
ing results.
In connection with the faniac
! treatment il is necessary to keep the
bowels open by taking Tanlac LaNa-
tive Tablets, samples OF which are
enclosed with every bottle OF Taniac,
It is also important that the every
, day rules of hygiene be observed,
that Is, sleep in well ventilated
rooms, get plenty OF fresh air and
exercise and keep away from crowds
TaAlac 10 seld In Logan by the
City Drug Co.: in Wellsville by the
weilsville Drug Co.: in smithfield
by Ritter Bros Drug Co.; in Hy-
rum BY Hyrum Drug Co.; in Rich
mend by A. A. Thomas. and In Lew.
tston By Lewiston Drug Co. Adv.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Russia may insist that her system
OF government Is better than that of
America but there's this about it..
Americans are not starving.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

If they keep on drinking wood al
cohol in America the undertaking.
business Is going to be mighty
good one to start up in.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
BABY CHICKS, BABY CHICKS

White, brown, buff Leg Horns.
Barred and White Rocks. BLACK M!s-
orcas and Rhode Island Reds. Or.
der now for April and May. Any
amount to 2ee,oos. y. d. Hogan,
Phone 5isJ4. r. 2. Logan, Utah.
Adv-2-1<.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

or course IL doesn't always do 70
mention names. but all of us know
OF some fellows who got better OBJ
ituary notice in the paper than they
deserved.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

One Of the easiest ways for any
Logan man to waste his time is ~
try to distinguish between wom-
ans yes and no. III
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

We have noticed that some of the
Logan men who claim to be self made
don't appear to have put on the fin
ishing touches to the job.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
nntrh Find salt Wells.

Holland has hrsuu 20 produce salt
from wells drilled SUPPLEMENTARY IN
two provinces, and may be able TO OBJ
tain enough for all It's needs.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

A fine baby girl was born t., Mr
and Mrs. Chas. .. Peterson yst.r-
day morning. Chas. o, and HIS II
tie son are suffering from influenza
but Mrs Peterson and the new boIu
babe are getting along nicely.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
HATCH YOUR OWN EGGS. HATCH
THEM EARLY

February 10, Logan Hatchery Is
prepared TO phi eggs in Big Incubat-
or Call at old Deseret Mil and
make reservations. and see our chick
en- factory. Day old chix = for sale.
Thos. j. Rowley, Supt. Adv-ti
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

TWENTY-FIVE ACRE, IRRlGAT-
ED BEET LAND and fine home.
large barn, wagons several, fun line
Of farm machinery, three horses. 4
cows, etc. Close in, Everything
first class. $4,000, Terms. See r..
II. Smith a Co. Ady-C
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

When fortune begins TO smile on
some Logan men they think II Is up
to them to sit down and bask in the
smiles.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

IL has about gotten around to the
point In this country where the av-
eiage father knows almost as much
as his son.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

HOMES WITH MODERN CON
yENIENCES- Close in, $4,000, and
s4750, Homes with acreage, 1, 2.
and az, $4,000, $4,000 and $4,000.
Lots $3.50, $3.50 and up Farms and
farm lands $1,000. $1,000, sio,soo
and. $4,000. oiher bargains, See
u. r. Smith & Co. Ady-C
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Six room modern home, nice lot,
Just south Of the a. c. hill, for sale.
Enquire George A. Corbridge at Am
erican Steam Laundry. Aav-tf
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

IL Is difficult to tell venison from
beef these days. Both Of them are
dear meat.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

The Logan man who used 10 bag
that he could drink or leave IL aionr
now has to leave II OF drink alone
YOUNG MEN FOR Railway Mail
Clerks. Experience unnecessary.
$40 month For free particulars,
combinations write II. Terry form
or government examiner 675 Con
,lnental Bldg Washington. ADV 20
ADV
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

We see nothing more distressing
in Logan than young men trying -
act like old men aud old men trying
Ia act young.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
A GOOD INvEsTMENT-Is /

acres OF land across the road south
Of the Cornish sugar factory. First
class soil No clay or alkali with
plenty OF water See Savage, Phone
So9-W or 1851. Adv-2-14-C
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

This is the time OF year when Lo-
gan people wish they had saved q
Httie daylight while the saving was
good,
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Miss Blarche Moore who has been
attending school here at the A. G.
will leave tomorrow for her home in
Topeka, Kan.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Pleaty of riding pants, khaki and
carduroy at Newbold's. Adv2-1e
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Buy boys Hosblebiit suits. itsy
are the best. AZ kswOoss, tss
clothier. 10y SIZE
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

This world is full of fellows 80
busy that they would like to find q
way ofget ting a haircut without re
moving their collar and hat.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

II remains FOR Missouri editor
Il declare that the Bryan band wss-
on has broken all records for mileage
and looping the loop.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

The best way to make the Sociel-
lists dangerous is to let them think
we are afraid OF them.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Commissioners Thatcher and Rer-
geson will meet today and attend 10
the regular routine of busine IS. IL
IL doubtful that Commissioner Muir
lay will be able To attend the nice IN;
sickness being the cause.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Mrs. viii Smith OF Cleveland Ida .
no. is in Logan visiting friends and
relatives.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Mrs. George Thomas is spending
the week in Salt Lake City.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

The reason we hate to lend n ~ an
ten dollars Is because it's too snail
an amount to fight over and too
large an amount to lose
R~'ys% ~ ="
There is one sure way TO get Hol-
land to turn over the Kaier for trial
and that Is to stop all shipping head
ed in thai direction and reach bel
through her stomach.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07

Mrs. Robert Croft is visiting in LU
gan. She lived here for many year:
and is eighty years OF age and Ell
joying good health.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07
LOCAL N EW S

Miss Bessie Bird of Sprigville is q
guest at the Theta House.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1920-02-07


q LOCAL N EW S q
80 . Q q = . = = . = . . d
Miss Bessie Bird of sprigville is a
guest at the Theta House.
Pleaty of riding pants, khaki and
cardurey at Newbola's. Adv2-1e
Mrs. George Thomas Is spending
the week in Salt Lake City.
Tho best way to make the Socicl-
lists dangerous is to let them think
we are afraid OF them.
IL Is difficult TO tell venison from
beef these days. Both of them are
dear meat.
When fortune begins TO smile on
some Logan men they think II Is up
to them to sit down and bask in the
smiles.
Six room modern home, nice lot,
just south Of the a. c. hill, for sale.
Enquire George A. Corbridge at Am
erican Steam Laundry. Adv-tf
IL has about gotten around to the
point In this country where the av-
orage father knows almost as much
as his son.
One Of the easiest ways for any
Logan man to waste his time is ~
try to distinguish between wom-
ans yes and no. an ~
We have noticed that some of the
Logan men who claim to be self made
don't appear to- have put on the fin
ishing touches to the job.
Russia may insist that her system
OF government Is better than that of
America but there's this about it.
Americans are not starving.
III they keep on drinking wood al
cohol in America the undertakius
business Is going to be mighty
good one to start up in.
or course II doesn't always do 10
mention names. but all of us know
OF some fellows who got better Oh
ituary notice in the paper than they
deserved.
A GOOD INVESTMENT los
acres OF land across the road south
of the Cornish sugar factory. First
class soil No clay or alkali with
plenty OF water. See Savage, Phone
So9-W or eS5-J. Adv2-14-C
This is the time OF year when Lo-
gan people wish they had saved q
Httie daylight while the saving was
good
We see nothing more distressing
in Logan than young men trying 10
act like old men aud old men tryiH Z
To act young.
TWENTY-FIVE ACRE, lRRlGAT-
ED BEET LAND and fine home
large barn, wagons several, fun line
of farm machinery. three horses, ]
cows, etc. Close in, Everything
first class. $4,000 Terms. See Il
II. Smith a Co. Ady-C
The Challis messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1912-current, 1920-10-20
RAILROADS APPEAL
CASE TO PRESIDENT
OBJECT TO RULING OF COMP
TRoLLER TO HOLD UP
GUARANTEES.
Declare Decision Would Work an Un'
due Hardship on the Roads by
Postponing the Guaranty Pay
ments for Six Months.

Washington.-The railroads Of the
country have appealed to President
Wilson against the ruling of the comp
troller of the treasury that the treas
ury department withhold from the
roads all further payments due them
under the guarantee provisions Of the
transportation act until final account
ing had been completed by the car
riers.
Alfred 2. Thorn, general counsel OF
the Association of Railway Execu-
tives, explained that the roads had
appealed to the president because they
believed the comptrOller's ruling was
an erroneous construction Of the law.
which, he said, clearly intended that
partial payments should be made
when the various amounts had been
determined. The comptroller's de-
cision, he added, would work an undue
hardship On the roads by postponing
the guaranty payments to them until
the final returns for each of the six
months between March and September
30 had been calculated.
Arguments on the right Of the inter
state commerce commission to pre-
scribe rates for rail transportation
within the states began Monday at a
| hearing before the commission on the
| application of the railroads OIL New
York to compel the state public service
commission to permit an increase in
passenger fare for intrastate traffic
similar to the 30 per cent advance
granted for interstate travel.
The Challis messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1912-current, 1920-10-20
POINTED OUT BRIGHT SIDE
optimist's Brave Effort to Convince
Afflicted Man That the Cloud Had
Silver Lining.

Mr.. Juergins had been suddenly at
f1icted with a stiff neck. Not only
was it a painful stiffness, but it
caused him to twist his head around
until he seemed to be trying to look be-
hind him over his left shoulder, and
his head was rigid in that pose.
"Of all the COMPOUNDED trials man
was ever subjected to-" he said, this
is the limit. They say to look on
the bright side Of our Affections, but
I'd like to know hsw could make use
of this stiff neck"
my dear friend" said the optimist,
"thiuk what a golden opportunity this
is to sit for your picture without hav-
ing to allow the photographer to twist
your head around that way and jab
those ice-cold tongs into the back OF
your neck!"