The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-09-10
LAUGH WITH US.

Mr. Green was rather proud OF his
voice and hardly ever failed to at
, tend any musical evenings that were
given In his neighborhood.
On this occasion, however. ne was
| rather nervous, for his wife was going
with him for the first time. and she had
never heard him sing In public; in fact,
she didn't know he had ever done so.
| When the meeting was drawing to
n close the chairman stood up and asked
II any gentleman would opTge with a
| song. Green mt once climbed upon the
platform and obliged-much 10 his Wife !
annoyance. II she could accept her ex-
| preston as a criterion of her feelings.
| George" she whispered, when the
pair were on their way home. what
| ever made you sing?"
why. my dear" said her husband,
ito give pleasure to the other guests -
"Oh, I'm so gladr' sighed Mrs Green,
with great relief. I thought you were
taking vengeance on me for making you
wait twenty minutes for your dinner
| this EVENING"
A proflteer decided to build a man.
| sion for himself. Having purchased an
attractive site, he started the builders
| on his new home.
While experimenting operations one
day neighbor said to him:
II see you IRE spending lot OF money
| on that house OF yours"
YES" was tho reply. IT want to
make IL a thoroughly Mt place for a
gentleman TO live In"
"oh. then. you mean to let II, do
your" said the inquirer.
The curious effect sometimes pro-
duced In kilograms by want OF punctua-
tion or the omission OF n single small
word cannot fail to have struck every
one.
A London lawyer had a woman rel
ntive In Scotland from whom he had
expectations" She had been ailing
for some weeks, when one morning came
n telegram asking the lawyers wife to
no at once as she--his aunt--was much
worse, His wife accordingly went
During the evening OF the following
day the husband received this announce
ment:
Aunt Matilda went to heaven at $3.50
returning by il.b0 tomorrow morning."
An American paterfamilias patiently
followed for several weeks n wife and
daughter who were more keen than he
was about visiting Roman RUNS. At
rule,
III go with YOU TO see any buildings
that still have roofs on 'em. but as to
the rest, say. let hygones be bygones."
Every morn he sent her violets or
roses, or some other sweet bloom And
all the time the price OF food was go |
ing up and up and up.
After n few weeks Of II the young |
lady put on her thinking cap and sat |
down ut her writing table,
Dearest, darling boy" she began. !
'Ot course love the flowers you send !
me, hut doesn't II seem rather "A waste !
while everything Is SO dear, and mother |
SAYS wouldn't II I've better II you could !
perhaps send dozen now laid eggs and |
n brown loaf and some tea tomorrow In
stead, and she wants particularly 60 let |
YOU know that she can only drink China
tea because OF her weak digestion.
Your Own Nell"
Employcr-Now. Silas, want you 10
be present when l deliver this speech,
Silas--Nas, sab,
Employer want YOU 20 start the
laughter and applause, Every time
take drink of water YOU applaud; and
every time | wipe my forehead with my
You laugh.
SUas--Nou better switch them signals,
boss, It's heap mo- liable 20 make
me laugh 10 see YOU standin' up dar
deliberately takin' drink o'watcr,
-4=aaas---
I'm tell what | know" said an OK
cited old woman MS shc took the witness
stand IN Torcka court the other day
am 7 ilAE NOT n NOSNlNn or any
thing. I'm an American Just wait till
| set nay Irish up"
And from the manner In which her
Irish came up mud STAYED up everybody
AGREED she was an American, End n
very militant ono.
English MANAGER CAT rehearsal 10 the
leading ladNl Ere, Miss Mortimer. YOU
mustn't talk like that 90 the duke You
moustnt say; Mot are YOU a-dcing
You've rot 10 speak kings Enelish, You
must say "Wot are YOU dom ofg'
Y, Nv c. \. Man toversoasN Now, ~
YOU don't study French In n class vou'u
sneak the lanruarc the way New York
doeo sneaks English, You don't want
70 do that, DO Nour"
Hardened pourhbov-T the WY
= forcirn lsurua"c ought 60 he spolSe'--
StsNfr~a s''~ v,-t