davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-12-12
FRONT PORCH SHOW
Is GRIDIRON SKIT
Set to Music With Harding,
Daugherty and Bryan Among
the Characters.
HAYS SINGS PLATNTIvELY
'Slush Fund RumOr Invades
Harding Lawn and Causes
Rumpus.

WASHINGTON, Dec. 1.-THE thirty.
fifth annual dinner of the Gridiron Club
was made the occasion tonight of a
rost-mortem on the Presidential election.
the purpose being to give to the poll
ticians and some of the statesmen pres
ent an opportunity to see themselves as
others saw them during the campaign.
One of the episodes was a front porch
meeting at Marion, Ohio. set to music,
with such characters as Senator Harding,
Harry X. Daugherty former Senator
Weeks, AL Jolson, w. ]. Bryan and
"Slush Fund Rumor' participating Mr..
Daugherty stalked the front porch in
the role of hoko, the Lord High EXecu-
toner, while there was rumpus when
the ''Slush Fund Rumor" invaded the
Harding lawn. During the skt VIII III.
Hays sang plaintively to the Republican
candidate a political parody on Then
You'll Remember Me-" only Mr.. Hays 5
request was $50 Please Remember Me. J"
In another episode a crystal gazer.
reading the political future, saw Presl-
dent Harding sending the League of Ma
lions to the Alien Property Custodian.
The gazer also announced that the crys.
tai revealed President Harding receiving
from Samuel Gompers the key TO the
back door Of the White House and re-
turning 1t with a note saying
May | not my dear Mr. Gompers
ask you to keep this key as souvenir?
l have changed the lock-"
The seer revealed that Harding was
at work on message to Congress. He
said he could not give the text. but as
sured an inquirer that 'the style will
not cause any intellectual inconven-
fence"
The crystal gazer also found former
Senator ]. Hamilton Lewis applying for
the job of Publicity Director under Har-
ding, but his services were declined.
Mark Antony Hitchcock delivered his
famous GRAFTON over the body of the
league covenant, following closely a his
toric model He explained that he came
10 bury the covenant not to praise him.
Another extension Of the post mortem
to the fields of prophecy was a meeting
Of the best minds" at Marion in con-
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-12-12
WARNS OF COAL STOCKS.

A warning TO small investors to be-
ware of anticipated stock selling schemes
by coal concerns where big profits on
small investments are promised, was Is
sued yesterday by the Wholesale Coal
Trade Association. which counselled the
most rigid investigation Of such offers.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

you years 20 III on.
Il was sure Souy would be tickled
20 death with these hands. after the
bObtan flushes he'd been eating on
the ranch. and 7 was a little anxious
that he should. for I didn't reIuem-
be rhis having honored nal efforts
with smile since we left Atascosa
City.
I'VE were IN the main dining
roomand there was fne-dressed
crowd there. all talking loud and en-
joyable about the two St Louis
topics, the water supply and the
color line. They mix the two sub
Jects so fast that strangers often
think they are discussing Water-cOl-
ors: and that has given TIE old town
some thing OF a rep as an art center.
And over In the corner was a fine
brass band playing; and now. thinks
I, Solly viii become conscious Of the
spiritual oats OF life nourishing and
eXhilirating his system. But non,
mong FRANC.
"He gazed across the table at me.
There were four square yards of It,
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

looking like the path q a cyclone
that has wandered through a stock
yard a poultry-faru. a vegeta BILE
garden. and an Irish linen mill. SOlly
gets up and come saround 10 me.
Luke, says he. I'm pretty hun
CRY afte rour ride. 7 thought you
said they had some beans here. I'm
going out and get something I can
eat. You can stay and monkey with
This artificial layout Of grub If you
want to.
" Wait a minute. says T.
7 called the waiter. and slapped
s. Mills on the back of the check
for thirteen dollars and fifty cents
" What DO YOU mean. says I. by
serving gentlemen with lot of
truck only suitable for deck hands
on a Mississippi steamboat We're
going out TO get something decent
20 eat.
Il walked UP the street with the
unhappy plainsman. lie saw
saddle-shcp OPEN and some cf the
sadness faded from his eyes. We
went IN. and he ordered and paid
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

for two more saddles-oue with a
solid silver horn and nails and Orna-
ments and a six-inch border Of
rhinestones and imitation rubies
around the flaps The other one
had 20 have a mounted horn.
quadruple- plated stirrups. and the
leather irlaid with silver beadwork
wherever e would stand 4. Eleven
hundred dollars the two cost hun.
Then ne goes out and heads
toward the river. following his nose.
In a little side street. where there
was no street and no sidewalks and
no houses. he finds what he IS look
Ing for. We so into a shanty and
sit on high stools among stevedores
and boatrnen. an deaf beans with tin
spoons. Yes, sir. beanS-beans boil
ed with salt pork
81 kind OF thought we'd strike
some over this way says Solly
Delightful says / That stylish
hotel grub I'm aappeal 20 some; but
for me. give me the husky table
d'goat.
When We had succumbed 10 the
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

beans I leads him out OF the tar
pau1n-steam under O lamp post and
pulls out a daily paper with the
amusement column folded out.
But row. what no FOR a merry
round OF pleasure says I. Here s.
one OF Hall Gaines shows and a
stoCk-yard com pnny in Hamlet
and skating az the Hollowhorn rink.
and Sarah Bernhard and the
Shapely Syrens BurlesQue Co. 7
should think, now that the shape
Ivy
But what does this healthy
wealthy. and wise man do but reach
his arms up 20 the seCond-stOry
window and game noisily.
Reckon I'll be going 70 bed,
says he; rs about my zine. 81.
Louis sts a kind OF quiet place. amt
it2'
Oh. yes. says 7. ever since the
railroads ran in here the town g
been practically ruined And the
buildinE-a1d- loan associations and
the fair have about Killed e.. Guess
we might as well go 20 bed Wal
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

III you see Chicago. though. shall
we get tickets FOR the Big Breeze TO-
morrow
Moucht as we'll SAYS Solly +
reckon an these towns are about
alike.
Wen maybe the wise clcerons
and personal conductor didn't fail
hard in Chicago Lo0looville-on-
the-Lalze Isl supposed 90 have one or
two things ln it calculated 20 keep
the rural visitor awake after the
curfew rings But not for the grass
fed man of the paUpas, 7 tried him
with theaters rides in automobiles.
sails or the lake. champagne sup
pers, and an those little inventions
that hold the simple lie IN chpck.
but I'm vain. SoiIy grew sadder dav
by day And 7 got fearful about my
salary. and knew 7 must play r1y
trump card. So 7 mentioned New
York 90 him. and informed him that
these western towns We're no more
CONTINUED ON PAGE I'D
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19
OFTHE HAUGHT'Y-By O. Henry

dred and Fifty thousand dollars
seventy-fve thousand dollars apiece
for the land. So now and then
we saddles uD and hits the breeze
for Atascosa City for "a few days OF
excitement and damage. Here's a
little bunch Of the dinero that /
drawed out Of the bank this morn
ing says he, and shows a roll OF
twenties and dftles as big around as
a sleeping-car pillow. The yellow
backs glOwed Ike a sunset on the
gable end Of John DIS barn. Nv
knees got weak. and 7 sat down on
the edge Of the board sidewalk.
You must have knocked around
a sight smart, goes on this oil
Grease-us. 7 shouldn't be surprised
IL you have saw towns more livelier
than what AtascOsa City IS. Some
times lt seems TO me that there
ought 20 be some more ways Of hav-
ing good time than there is here,
specially when you've got plenty Of
money and don't mind mind spend
ing it.
Then this Mother Cary's chick
OF the desert sits down By me and
we hold q conversatiOnfcst. Ie seems
that nc was money-poor He'd lived
in ranch camps all his llfe; and he
confessed 20 me that his supreme
idea OF luxury was 10 ride into
camp, tired out from "a roundup,
hobble his brains with a pint of raw
whiskcy. and go 20 sleep with his
boots for a pillow. When this barge
load Of unexpected money came TO
him and his pink but perky partner.
George, and they hicd themselves to
this clump OF outhouses called Alas
cosa City. you know what happened
20 them. They had money 20 buy
anything they wanted: but they
didn't know what 10 want. Their
ideas OF spendthriftiness We're linn
tied 20 three-whisky. saddles, and
gold watches. II there was anything
IN the world 20 throw away fortunes
on, they had never heard about Il.
So, when they wanted TO have a hot
time. they'd ride into town and get
city directory and stand in front Of
the principal saloon and call up the
population alphabetically for free
drinks. Then they would order
three or four new California saddles
from the storekeeper. and play
crack-loO on the sidewalk with 20
dollar gold pieces. Betting who
could throw his gold watch the
farthest was an inspiration OF
Georges: but even that was getting
TO be monotonOus.
WAS 1 on to the opportunity?
Listen.
I'm 30 minutes I had dashed Off
word picture OF metropolitan joys
that made life in Atascosa City look
as dull as a trip 10 Coney Island
with your own wife. In 10 minutes
more we shook hands on an agree
ment that i was 20 act as his guide.
interpreter and friend IN and 10 the
aforesaid wassail and amenity. And
Solomon Mills, which was his name,
was to pay all expenses for a month.
At the end of that time. if l had
made good as director general OF
the rowdy life, he was TO pay me
one thousand dollars. And then, to
Clinch the bargain. we called the
roll Of AtascOsa City and put all Of
its citizens except the ladies and
minors under the table. except one
man named Horace Wcstervelt St.
Clair. Just for that we bought a
couple of hatfuls Of cheap silver
watches and egged him out Of town
with EN- We wound UP by drag
ging the harness maker out OF bed
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19

and setting him 20 work on three
new saddles. and then we went 10
sleep across the railroad track az
the depot. Just 20 annoy the s. A
q A. T. Think OF having seventy
FIVE thousand dollars and trying 70
avoid the disgrace Of dying rich IN
a town like that.
The next day George, who was
married or something. started back
20 the ranch. Ne and Solly, as I
now called him. prepared 20 shake
off our moth Balls and wing our way
against the arc-lights Of the joyous
and tuneful east
no way-stOps, says i 20 Soily'
except long enough 10 get you bar
bered and haberdashed- This Is no
Texas feet shampetter.' says /,
where you eat chili-concarne-con-
hueVos and then hol er 'WhOopee!
across the plaza. We're now going
against the real high life. We're go
ing 20 mingle with the set that car
ries Spitz, wears spats, and hits
the ground in high spots
"Solly puts six thousand dollars
IN century bills in one pocket OF his
brown ducks, and bills OF lading for
ten thousand dollars on eastern
banks in another. Then 1 resume
diplomatic relations with the s. A..
& a p, and we hike IN north
westerly direction on our circuit
GUS route 20 the spice gardens OF the
Yankee Orient.
1--WE stopped in San Antonio long
enough for Solly 10 buy some
clothes. and eight rounds OF drinks
for the guests and employees Of the
nfa=r-
lean saddles with silver trimmings
and white Angora sUaderos to be
shipped down TO the ranch. From
there we made a big jump to st.
ST. Louis. We got there IN time for
dinner; and I put our thumb prints
on the register OF the most ex-
pensiye hotel in the city.
Now. says l to Sully. with q
wink at myself. here's the first din
ner-station we've struck where we
can get a real good plate OF beans.
And while he was up in his room
trying 20 draw water out OF the gas
pipe. 1 got one finger in the button
hole OF the head walters Tuxedo,
drew If mapart. inserted a two-dOl-
lar bill, and closed him up again.
'Frankoyse.' says 1. 1 have a pal
here for dinner that's been subsist-
ing for years on cereals and short
stogies. You see the chef and order
a dinner for US such as you serve
70 Dave Francis and the general
passenger agent of the Iron Noun
tain when they eat here. We've got
more than Bernhardts ten full OF
money; and we want the nose-bags
crammed with all the Chief De-
veries de cuisine. Object is no eX
pense. Now. show us.
at s o'clock me and Solly sat
down TO dinner. Spread There's
nothing been seen ike IL since the
Cambon snack. II was all served at
once. The chef called il dinnay a
Ia poker. It's famous thing
among the gormands of the west.
The dinner comes in threes of a
kind. There was guinea fowls.
Euinca-pigs, and Guinness stout;
roast veal. mock turtle soup, and
chicken pate: shadroe. cavier. and
tapiOca; canvas back duck, canvas
back ham. and cOttontail rabbit:
Philadelphia capon. fried snails. and
sIOe-gin-and so on, I'm three. The
idea was that you eat nearly all you
can OF them, and then the waiter
takes away the discard and gives
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-12-19
lCONTINUED FROM PACE 1OD

lC0NIINCED FROM PAGE 1OD
that has no money ana owes two
cents.
"One Of lucks favorite tricks IS
TO soak a man for hts last dollar 80
quick that he don't have time to
look H. There l was IN a swell St.
Louis tailor-made, blue-and-green
plaid suit. and an 18-carat sulphate-
of-coppere scarf pin. with no hone in
sight except the two great Texas In
dustries. the cotton fields and grad
Ing new railroads. I never picked
cotton, and I never cottouSd TO a
pick, 20 the outlook had ultrama-
rlne edges.
IAN OF a sudden. while I was
standing on the edge 81 the wooden
sidewalk. down out OF the sky falls
Two ane gold watches INTO the mid
die Of the street One hits a chunk
OF mud and sticks. The other falls
hard and flies open, making a fine
drizzie OF little springs and screws
and wheels I looks up for a bal
loon or an airBhtp; but not seeing
any. 1 steps off the sidewalk 70 in
vestlEate.
But I hear a couple OF yells and
see two men running I'D the street
in leather overalls and high-heeIed
boots and cartwheel hats. One man
IS siV or eight feet high. with open
plufnbed joints and a heart-brokeu
cast OF countenance. He picks up
the watch that has stuck in the
mud The other man. who rs little
with pink hair and white eyes. goes
for the empty case. and says. L win
Then the elevated pessimist goes
down under hts leather leg holsters
and hands a handful OF 20-dollar
gold pieces TO his aibinO friend.
don: know how much money Il
was: II looked as big as an earth
quake-relief fund TO me.
I'll have this here case filled
up with works. says Shorty, and
throw you again for Eve hundred.
I'm your company. says the
the high man. TN meet you at the
Smoked Dog saloon an hour from
now
The little man hustles away
with a kind OF Swiss movement
toward a jeweiry store. The heart
broken person stoops over and takes
a telescope view OF my haberdash-
cry.
'Them's a mighty slick outfit OF
habiIiments you have got on. Mr.
Man says he. I'll bet a boss you
never acquired the right. title. ard
interest In and TO them clothes in
Atascosa City
Why. no. saysI. being ready
enough to exchange personalities
with this moneyed monument OF
melancholy. i had this suit tailor
ed from a special line Of coatericks.
vestures. and paintings IN St. Louis.
Would you mind putting me sane
says I. on this watch throwing con-
test2 I've been used TO seeing time
pieces treated with more pOliteness
and esteem except wo m ms
watches. OF course. which by nature
they abuse by cracking walnuts with
'em and having 'em taken showing
IN tiutype pictures'
Me and George he explains,
are up from the ranch. having a
spell Of fun. Up 20 last month we
owned four sections OF watered
grazing down on the San Miguel.
Rot along comes one Of these oil
prOspectOrs and begins 10 bore. He
strikes a gusher that flows out
twenty thousands-Or maybe II was
twenty million-barrels OF oil a day.
And me and George gets one hun
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1920-04-29
The Wrong
Publicity Man.

The new Democratic Harmony
Committee few weeks ago chose
Harry A. Sommers. editor Of the
Elizabethtown News, as publicity
representative TO handle the matter
sent out to the state press during he
campaign. In a recent editorial in
his paper Mr.. Sommers went out Of
his way 10 make an entirely uncalled
for attack on President Wilson. What
ever one may think OF the actions Of
the President il must be remembered
tina, he is the recognized head Of the
Democratic party in the United
States and that on the record Of the
Wilson administration the Democrats
must go to the people in the coming
election.
In his comment on the President Of
the United States. Mr.. Sommers, with
that superior wisdom that Is often
found in country newspaper offices,
shows how the President ''lost his
head" in handling the matter Of the
resignation Of Secretary Of State
Robert Lansing. The mater was
good enough Republican "stuff" to be
copied by that rabil partisan Repub-
lean paper, the Lexington Leader
and from Il was copied and used on
the first page Of nearly every Repub-
lican newspaper in the state, with
comments showing that il was writ
ten "by one Of the leading Democra-
tic editors in the State, Harry A.
Sommers, o. Elizabethtown, and pub
lished in his paper, the Elizabethtown
News"
The Interior Journal doesn't be-
lievc that Mr. Sommers represents
anybody but himself in his attack on
the Presi.snt Of the United States in
this editorial Il believes that the
Democratic harmony committee has
put the wrong man in charge Of il
publicity and il believes that this mis-
take ought TO be undone before il is
too late to undo il and that someone
more in sympathy with the Demo.
cratic administration and the match.
less record Of Woodrow Wilson as
President, be placed in charge Of the
news matter emanating from that
committee.
The Interior Journal does not be-
beve that one Democratic editor in
100 in Kentucky endorses the senti-
ments expressed in Mr.. Sommers'
editorial.-lnterior Journal.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1920-04-29
Disciples Leaders
Tell Need Of Fund
Conferences In All Parts OF Stats
Held A. Which Reasons For
Asking Money For World
Movement Are Given
By Speakers.

The reasons for Kentucky Divi-
fion World drive in Kentucky May
Q 10 rs were presented the past week
in conferences held in various parts
Of the State BY some Of the leading
ministers and laymen in the Disei-
piles Brotherhood in the State. The
conference held at Lexington bad
the advantage Of an address by Or.
Royal J. Dye, for years mission
airy Of the Disciples in Africa, who
told Of orphanges and old mems
homes which were compelled 20 turn
away applications for shelter and
care because Of their overcrowded
condition and lack Of funds for more
buildings.
DR.. Dye told Of the need Of hos
pitals and churches abroad and said
that IL the s135,OOO,OOO spent by
General Pcrshing in his trip into
Mexico after Villa. had been used to
establish churches. schools and hos
pitals, IL would have provided for a
church. a school building and a hos
pi,al in every city in Mexico with a
population Of 10000 or over and
would have enabled them to be ope--
ated for the next ten years. He
said the Disciples had not lifted a
finger 20 save Mexico from her
self"
President r. II. Crossfeld. Of
Pennsylvania College, told OF the
low endowment Of the 20 colleges
OF the Christian Church and Of the
desperate need for money II these
colleges were 10 keep abreast Of the
times and up TO modern standards
He declared they needed not only e
baptism Of faith, but baptism Of
the pocketbook. a conservation Of
money on the part Of those able to
devote IL 20 the cause Of the Master
in the World Movement
Other speakers were Mrs. Char
les Allen Thomas. Of Lexington, and
DR.. Joseph W. Hagin, Of Covington,
director Of the state campaign.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1920-04-29
20 s 7 E D

The undersigned hereby give warn
ng to all persons not to trespass upon
our lands for any purpose whatever
Is we will prosecute all offenders TO
the fullest extent Of the law. Hunt
ers and fishermen especially take
notice.
Mrs. Cora Phillips, r. L. Ell;!n.
Mrs. Emma Daniels,
X. L. Arnold.
Mrs. Sarah J. p. Hackley,
Mrs. Emma Higginbotham,
Edd and n. b. Price.
5. {. Rigsby.
d. NJ. Anderson.
K. l.. Barker
B. L. Kelley.
J. c. Rigsby.
Mrs. Victoria Anderson.
Thompson and Tracy
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1920-04-29
olving In Service.

"Iyery woman, and every man. for
that matter. should DO something 70
Justify her or his existence. Unless
woman gives as much as she takes
In service she is liability and not
an asset 10 the community."-Dr.
Esther Loyejoy.
The Connecticut labor press., 1920-08-28
CAPITAL AND
 CONSERVATIVE LABOR MUST MEET

it illogical unnatural and contrary to all human weight but proded and then by exterior be able exhibit wounded animal attacked desperate when at deaths door, Russia Poland Was the outside goad By sending he soldiers into Russian territory by the into nation more battling against common Like family torn by internecine with pickering and fighting which totally disorganzd it together m one ah Just W element M rsg m problemaca It is hnted that the army is now donl government These leaders feel that through sa ena pHaa % s na I e ] sas get the upper
 outside interference would that should Great interfere would be another
 There but one way | a of the ep and b a s t ka @ M and finally reach the solid ground of organized
 of the nasmatic doctrines of s % @ there ho,s s ou0 every portions duty Wordy takers with neither logic headed they bound
 These g e na od6daen of te an
 logical conclusion and the and the listen a the American language hence to public % they are @ easily d by these smooth @ words, words, words as their stock in trade
 of Labor nvncible front for other capital refuses to take advan of this great Strange there are clements certain sections of capital and in the employing they do radical labor They appear labor going after what it wants in safe and sane hence fguraey be stood against the wall and be shot hence they fear the conservatives than they do the radicals
 thing should be kept mind by radical capital well radical employers and that that the pendulum swings has the best interest of employers and pt it is not met half way and is not given and reasonable it liable to swing to the radical extreme order to M H ana must nave and then the very
 By far the best means of wardng temporary Boseym capital and constructive labor to defensive Working together the spread ed to inevitably