The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-08-25
ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN
By Beatrice Fairfax

II II Who Occupies a Unique Position in the Writing World as an Authority on the Problems of Girls. 'Who misses or who wins the Go! Lose or conquer as you can;
 But if you fall or if you rise, Be each pray God, a gentle man."
 a poet and scholar of New England some years ago. Don't toss it aside as, an expression of snobbishness; don't for the sake of your own good and happiness, permit yourself to | read it literally.
 1 The esprit of that verse is fine. 1 The literal expression of it came to
 read the days mail. Let me quote
 you a bit from three of the days l letters: "Is it proper for a girl to accept | Jewelry from a young man with I whom she is keeping company, but
 to whom she is not ensaged?" | Who speaks first when meeting
 casually on the street.-the girl or, the man? think a gentleman
 should tip his hat first.'' ! My fancee is in mourning for her i brother. She thinks I ought not to 1 go to any parties since she cannot
 for year. This is likely to part us
 unless you settle it by telling us the
 proper way to settle it. Now, do you why the verse I 1 quoted amused and yet annoyed me?"
 Its because in the process of try
 ing to decide what's proper, polite, according to the usages of good
 society, tlemanly-perhaps, we
 are so likely to lose track of what
 is kind, dignified, thoughtful and
 loving.
 ! Standards Necessary.
 Of course, we have to possess cer- tain standards of scourtesy in order to get on comfortably with each other
 in a world where there isn't much
 elbow room to spare for a lot of in dividual customs which might be harum- -scarum and difficult to handle gracefully.
 | But custom and social usage are
 determined by so many factors which
 aren't apparent to the naked eye. Climate has something to do with it.
 In any tropical or even very Souther- ly cline, custom allows more 1eeway
 in dressing than we folks of a more moderate part of the world take up
 on ourselves.
 A hatless, lm-beached suited
 man arouses a bit of comment in the
 subway or on the city street, but if d hot wave comes along and multi plies the number of sensibly dressed men, we stop noticing after a while. Il When I came to the East from my | Western home a number of years
 ago, wondered if all the real "gen- l tlemen" in the world had been left
 behind. Why, For the single req
 son that I was used to seeing men remove their hats in public eleva-
 tors and the first time I rode up
 twenty-two flights in an office build . ing with seven or eight smugly halted men I felt about astounded as I'd
 be now if some one came and grab
 bed off my hat on the street. What Grows Correct We get used to certain things and label them "correct.'
 We form a set of social habits an6 l consider them 'proper.' Propriety and correctness are mat. l ters of social usage, of custom. '. Custom and social usage change from time to time. But human kind ness, consideration and fine feeling: ! are rooted deep in the heart o1 humanity.
 !, It isn't in good taste for a. girl tt accept jewelry from a man to whom
 
 man-in utter ignorance of the fact buys simple barptn costing no nor Il than a box of expensive sweets ant offers it in all good faith to a dea, friend on her birthday, shall she hur $ him snub him and lacerate his feel a ings to be proper? ?" Is he to fee
 like a boob" so that she may fee e "correct."
 Il Social usage says that woman }, has the privilege of continuing al u acquaintanceship or cutting it of n abruptly. Therefore the woman i
 supposed to bow first. But given n shy little girl who'd suffer torture d at making such an advance is a wei d poised self-contained man going t - hold himself rigidly aloof and let he $ feel awkward! "A simp?" , And now to the deeper question
 Mourning is matter~of the feel
 ings. If girl who has loved he
 brother deeply and truly wants t
 cut herself off from all social gave :, ties as way of expressing devotio that is her right-the right earne
 for her by her own feelings. ] n mourning is an honest yelling up c d tenderness which insists on it's trap E, pings of woe, who shall dare to tr , to stop that expression of personal IT ity?
 ,- ] What Mourning Means. L. But has the mourner a right Ii impose what ought to be her ow , innermost and most sacred sent v ments on anyone else? Isn't sh n losing the inner meaning of her ow l. loyalty to her own love for her ow
 when she tries to foist all that o II someone else?
 ,r Someone once said that manner
 are the fortunate way of doin ss things. They become an unfortuna' h. Iax Sott el down in to a harsh mold and don e. allow for human nature and the fee r, of the individual.
 l. The questions of propriety whic e. are referred to me from day to da of need hardly be "questions" if the De are considered from the point st view of good taste plus commo al sense plus kindness plus the righ D. of the individual.
 e mind hy gentle deer