The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1920-12-07

as soon as I begin to read, end my
wife comes and tells me my snoring is
disturbing the neighbors."
cts that way With everything we
cook forward TO-" observed the hotel
keeper, sadly. "Man always will be,
but is .:ever blest, as some half-baked
poet remarked Young sGooscworthy
was in here last evening, bubbling over
with happiness. There wasn't any
body GROUND, so he took me into his
confidence. He's going to marry
TwendoIin Jimalong, next month. and
he's perfectly satisfied that his mar
ricd life will be one long stretch Of
sunshine. He seems to have the idea
that he's going to do something orig
:nal when he gets married, but the
idea isn't new. Men have been getting
married ever since Christopher dis
covered Columbus. Ohio: and every
tloggone man jack Of them had the
idea that everlasting bliss was going
to be inaugurated on the wedding day.
"I listened to Gooseworthy for three
hours, and hadn't the heart to say
anything that would dampen his en-
thusiasm. His twitterins recalled the
long vanished days when I was get
ting ready to be married: felt about
it then Just as he does move. thought
fhe parson opened the gafes Of para
disc when he joined two loving hearts.
Ny wife lived up to all the plans and
specifications, and was, apd is one OF
the best women in the United States.
but I hadn't been marricd three.
months before I had sneaking con-
viction that the man who Gets married
is, a chump.
"A good many optimisfs: say that a
married man doesn't need any more
money than single one, if he marries
the right sort Of womQp. ybut they
might as we'll go to the blackboard
and demonstrate that two and two.
make two instead OF four. I fell for
that cheerful theory when I was mar
ricd. was earning enough to keep
myself comfortably. and never had
any financial worries. ElcoQld have
been buried for less money than it
took to be married. and the EXPENSES
from that time forward were double
what they used TO he. although my
wife was 50 economical she used TO
make waists and such things for her
self out of my superannuated shirts.
ooh. doggone it, there isn't cry un-
adulterated happiness in matrimony. |
wonder that young fellows like GOOSE
worthy don't look around them, and
contemplate the detected appearance
of the maiori.y Of husbands. B'lf even
if thev did. it wouldn't do t'lcm any
GOOD, suppose, for they arc full or
pipe dreams and they think tho girls
thcy are going to marry arc different
from all other girls, and that they VIII
provc exceptions to thc general rule.
81 had wise old uncle in those hat
cSGn days, and about a week before
The wedding day. he hacked mo INFO
corner and handed inc huSt-proof
package of wisdom. Hc tried I" lcaa
me into taking sensible view of the
future. He talked about the cares and
RESPONSIBILITIES that would be mine
after the wedding. and wanted TO
know if fol! equal to them. He tried
to show me that I wasn't going to
marry an angel. but n human hcing
like myself. with a human hc'nss
fanlts and frailticS.
"I'let him get that far. and then r
told him that his gray hairs alone
saved him from having his head re-
modelled and said / never wanted him
to darken my door. and he never did.
I had to darken it myself. with wal
nut stain But many flme al'er'
ward. recalled his wise worhS ana
won't oUor hiS rr9yQ'