South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-10-22


sap-headed plug uglies Of this town
that 10 - real pleasure 10 converse
with gentleman Of culture Id
Doe grat!ded 20 have you call AT my
house whenever you feel so in
cl!ned.
And that was the way I got the
goodwill OF the lady IN the yellow
house. Every Tuesday and Friday
evenings ! used 10 20 there and tell
her about the wonders Of the uni
verse as discovered. tabulated. and
compiled from nature b. Herki-
mer. Idaho and the other gay
Lutherans Of the town got every
minute of the rest of the week that
they could.
/ never imagined that Idaho vas
trying 10 work on Mrs. Sampson
with old X Ms rules Of courtship
Till one afternoon when / was on my
way over 10 take her a basket Of
wild hog plums I met the lady
coming down the lane that led Ia
her house. Her ewes was swapping.
and her hat made dangerous dip
over one eye.
Mr. Pratt. she opens Up. this
Mr. Green is "A friend Of yours, I be
ueve'
For nine years" SAYS l.
cut him out, says she He's no
gentleman"
Why. ma am" says I, hes
plain incumbent Of the mountains
with asperities and the usual fail
ings Of spendthrift and a liar. but
] never ON the most mOmentOus oC-
Casion had the heart 10 deny that he
was gentleman. IL may be that in
haberdashery and the sense Of ar
roganCe and display Idaho offends
the eye, but inside, man. I've found
him impervious 20 the lower grades
Of crime and obesity. After nine
years of IdahO's society. Mrs. Samp-
SON." I winds up. Il should hate to
impute him, and / should hate 20 see
him imputed
It's right plausible OF you. Mr.
Pratt says Mrs. Sampson, Ito take
III the Curmudgeous in your friend s
behalf, but IL don't alter the fact
that ne has made proposals 10 me
sufficiently obnoxious 10 ruffle the
ignominy OF any lady"
Why now. now. now" says T..
old Idaho do that I could be-
lieve il of myself sooner. never
knew but one thing TO deride in him.
and blizzard was responsible for
that Once while We was snow
ound in the mountains he became "A
prey 10 a kind of spurious and un-
even poetry which may have cor
rupted his demeanor."
1T has" says Mrs. Sampson.
whatever il was. And today he
caps the vortex. get a bunch of
flowers from him. and on 'em is
pinned a note. Now. Mr.. Pratt. you
know a lady when you see her: and
YOU know how I stand in Rosa so
ciety. Do you think for a moment
that I'd skip ont 70 the woods with
"a man along with jug Of wine and
a loaf OF bread. and so singing and
cavorting up and down under the
trees with him2 I take a little
Claret with my meals. but I'm not in
the habit Of packing a jug OF il into
the brush and raising Cain in any
such style as that. And of coure
he'd bring his book Of verses along.
too. He said so. Let him go on
his scandalous piCniCs alone, Or
let his take his Ruby OFT with him. l
reckon she wouldn't kick unless il
was on account OF there being too
much bread along. And what do
you think OF your gentleman friend
now. Mr.. Pratt"
Well m" says 7. lit may be
that Iddhos invitation was a kind
of poetry, and meant no harm. May
be il belonged 20 the class of rhymes
they call tigurative They offend
law and order. but they get sent
through the mails on the grounds
that they mean something that they
don't say. I'd be glad on Idaho :
account If you'd overlook it," says J..
and let us cXtriCate our minds
from the low regions OF poetry TO
the higher planes OF fact and fancy.
on a beautiful afternoon like this.
Mrs. Sampson" I goes on. we
should let our thoughts dwell &C
cordingly Though il is warm here.
we should remember that at the
equator the line OF perpetual frost
is AT an altitude OF fifteen thousand
feet. Between the ATTITUDES of forty
degrees and forty-nine degrees II is
from four thousand 10 nine thou
sand feet"
"Oh, Mr.. Pratt. says Mrs. Samp-
son. Its such a comfort 20 hear you
say them beautiful facts after get
ting such a Jar from that mink of
"a Rubys poetry"
Let us sit on this log at the
roadside" SAYS I. and forget the
inhumanity and ribaldry Of the
poets. II is in the glorious columns
Of asCertained facts and legalfzed
measures that beauty is 10 be found
In this very log We sit upon. Mrs.
sampson says 1. is statistics more
wonderful than any poem. The rings
show IL was sixty years old. At the
depth OF two thousand feet IL would
become coal in three thousand years
The deepest coal mine in the world
is az klllingTorth. near Newcastle.
a box four feet long three feet
wide and two feet eight inches deep
viii hold one ton OF coal II an ar
terry is cut compress il above the
wound. a mans leg contains thirty
bones. The Tower OF London was
burned in 1871
GO on, Mr.. Pratt says Mrs.
Sampson Them ideas is so original
and soothing. I think statistics are
just as lovely as they can be-
But IL wasn't till two weeks later
that I got all that was coming 10 ne
out Of Harkimer
One night I was walked up by
folks hOllerinE Fire" all around.
jumped UP and dressed and went
out Of the hotel 10 enjoy the scene.
When I seen II was Mrs. Sampson =
house I save forth a kind OF yell.
and I was there in two minutes