Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-05-25

IN every direction:
For, as you know, in MEXICO,
They're holding an election.
Well. II they prohibit tobacco
there's always corn-silk or suicide
THE LATEST COMPLAINT
Have you ever had car-carditisf
No?
Well, it's the most modern COM
plant there is. And one Of the worst
because its symptoms are 10 varied.
1t is widely prevalent among com.
muters and strikes the strongest
down with scarcely a moments no.
tice. Let us study a typical case.
suourbanite rises from a refresh
ing sleep. enjoys a delicious break
fast of fiapjacks and crispy bacon.
kisses his beautiful wife farewell and
leaves the house in time to catch the
s:45 for the city. On the way to the
station he finds he has cut his time
bit short. He has to sprint lit
tie, but on such lovely morning the
exercise proves only an invigoration.
He drops. breathing freely, into his
seat on the local. and after a few
vague seconds becomes aware that
he is staring at a. car card which
reads:
NO Wonder Your Poor. Tired Feet
Are s,ore!"
The ad Is embellished with 4 pic-
ture OF a couple of knobby, stock
inged feet with the toes curled up In
a positively agonising fashion. The
commuter shifts his own feet UNI
easily. He probably had to run
faster and harder than he intended.
Darn It! They ought to dx those.
rough pavements ,4own by the sta
ton! His shoes. perfectly comfort
able when he put them on, feel .un.
naturally tight. Then his eye lghts
on q second card, proclaiming:
Bone Linament. For Aches ana
Pairs"
He notices instantly that his shins
as well as his feet have begun to
ache. Excruciatint: pangs creep up
his legs and explode in his knee
caps. He should exercise more care
fully at his age. But no, perhaps It's
not that-nnaybe it's functional. Be-
tween an invitation to s-Bita Biscuit"
and mandate from ''Gaggley's Chow
ing Cum" his informed that:
rheumatism Comes From Your
Teeth"
Yes. he's neglected his tssth
samefully. And new he IL paying
the penalty. The agony he feels.
which by this time has spread to his
shoulders and back. Is undoubtedly
rheumatic. And chronic, probably.
That Is. unless it's digestive. Two
cards which he had overlooked are
now asking sternIy:
Are You Taking Care of Your
Stomach?"
Are You Sure YOU Plumbing n In
Orde.?
No, he is not sure. He is no longer
sure Of anything. He is feeling rot
ten. He begins to perspire weakly.
The car seems draushty. He coughs.
An accusing finger at once points
down from the car cards with:
Don't Cough and Cough ana
Cough"
This brings on a perfect paroxysn.
His neighbors turn and look at him.
He takes refuge behind his nsva-
paper. His hand shakes. The paper
rattles. He lowers 1t. only to be con-
fronted by blatant card, demand.
ing:
why Not Grow Old Gracefuliyr
That's 1t! That's what's the mat.
ter with him. SeniIs decay! His
Jaw sagss His muscles relax. His
brain deliQuiesces. Just an the trim
ends he slips Imply from his seat
and lies gasping on the floor,
The passengers crowd anxiousIy
about him. The conductor nasbe.
through a hospital call. An ambu-
lance dashes up. The surgeon al.
BOWS his way to the purpling victim.
turns back his eyelids and gives a
hurried glance around the car.
"Car-carditis!" he m utters. .Rush
that pulmotor!"
The federal reserve board repor,s
that prices are going up amir.
Again or yet?
Had 1t been the pro aisaI daushter
no parent with eye to the preyatIinr
mode would have dared prepare the
fatted calf.