The Morning Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Okla.) 1919-1927, 1920-12-05
4 Mira IRsfdiimenf
Clara Smiths Diary

| ,'ufU oUSttN Dtus0
'----------------------------
The World herewith rrproducos
the third ins,almont Of Clara Smith
IiamoWs diary.
In Tho chapter here reproduced
Mrs. liamon reflects "A bitter mental
attitud" based upon her own folly
and dcNotcs herself to gloomy intro
spcction and sarcastic rcttospcction.
CHAPTER III.
"My Love.
| hove sought my love and found It.
Though 'tis not what II had seemed
And the world is gray and lonely
Gone the sun that one time bcamcd
| have had my lfc and faltcrcd
and the world will not condonc
| | have tasted wincH-sp bitter
| And I'm sObcrcd-and alone.
August 3O-Alone all day. Two
calls from Colonel In Fort worth
ana inssing. He came on IL O'Clock
train and went hack ON the morning
train. Good God
August 3i--A very hot day. Col.
left. on morning train for RI. worth.
L slept until noon. Spent afternoon
sowing aud writing Very quiet day.
Extremely lonely in evening. To bed
at 9:30. The empty heart
September The day blew IN
| with cold chilly rain. Was awake
at and didn't get any more slc.r
Intended going to the country but
too much mud. Had two breakfasts
one at s and on. Mt 10. The only
lappetite ! can satisfy.
Spent morning reading and writ.
Ing. a fine day to browse arount
through old papers and books; I,
live over the days gone by and L
dream or hope for happy days in tn.
future.
It's a bit Of character building
soul dcvcIOpmcnt--which We nll
love. ] love the company OF
OWn thoughts NJ timcs---l love SOL
itudc In which ] might look my
own self %Iwarc IN the face with
out the veneer we so often wear,
even before our own souls.
] Ike 10 fncc facts and get away
from tllusiONs---I like To- look
clearly upon the stern realities Of
life and realize what might have
been.
That IL what this day has been
to me. Though inclined To he snd
Il II satisfying. I must In brave.
,oioHtl Ebilt W 'ni'hE'' III
tended going but changed my mind.
for big dance tonight.
4 Editors nOtc--Sevcml stcno-
graphic notes follow thisD
SEPT. 3-Nevcr In my life have !
been more disgustod with myself
and with life and with the selfish
author OF my unhappincss To ac-
cept invitations is To submit myself
to torture | cannot halt for one
momept,. My consideration of a life
smashed--utterly crushed by- car
cumstancos over which | have at this
time not the slightest control Fate
has been against me, the inevitable
what must be- has ovcrtaken me
Heart, soul beauty going or gone
and no strength to stop the tide or
make struggle. TO be crushed
without noise or violence, TO he
smothercd. That Is my clearly OUT
lined tate. | amount to nothing.
myself, ordained It through foolish
ana unmerited love. Lcssson--I.e .ea
son--But what good are lessons
Who heeds lesson? | knew that
| now know when ! bought my
ticket for fool land. How I've lived
through another lesson which Will
mean no more than others did 10
II started M simply. The re-
cifal Of the days events. Ny in
tcrc~t. my intelligence und ability
10 bridge chaSms, which his slow
cr logic halted at And then
love and hell. Jake Lewis Hamon,
"Impirc Builder and Ciara
IiainonO, court fOnl, grimmacing
under the weight oi IL broken iifc.
September 4.--ilcard a lecture
which seemed to be directed at m'
alone. II II the first thing which
have listened attcntivcly tn In
months. II seems, but every WORD
seemed so fitting Ia mo that | was
bsorbed.
And sol learn that no one bu
hermita and saints need put stor,
upon subduing the flesh and tina
they thus become useless, Strang,
philosophy and calculated TO chez
me up. Which II does not At all
] am TO believe that a man car
only lead men when he remains q
man with a mans passions 80 ma
he will not fight Interests bcy0nt
his strength. ! heard IL all and
doubt It all. II seemh that mcI
have a million defenders They de
fcnd themselves, no matter wha
their own action. all men auto
matically defend other men an'
women, either happy or comfortable
defend their Individual men Will
there is a trace of reason In 80 do
ing. And after the trace OF reasoi
has vanished.
But wOIncn---thcy look out for
thcmsclycs---wiwn thcy know
enough 10 do II, and they're tire
4 some when their defense ~ too