Omaha daily bee., 1920-12-16
ALine O'Typeor Two
CLASSICAL WHO'S WHO.
Who. raising water to his lips,
Still loses all before he sips.
Amid the flames? It's Tantalus,
Without his shirt, and pantyless

Still loses all before he sips,
Amid the flames? It's TantaIus,
Without his shirt, and pantyless
84s CORY OLANUS.
THE last hope OF comprehendingN the Elm
stein theory is slipping. Prof. Einstein is coming
to the United States to explain.
HANDICAPPED.
Sir: Police officer (testifying in auto collision
case In the Municipal Court, Manitowoc, Wis.,
1.-THE Ford was trying to climb in under the
Chevrolet"
Attorney Healy: but. couldn't get in under
because the top was up"
Onicer: eYes, sir" A. H. 8.
EACH rapprochement in ireland Is celebrated
with bonfire. and the more promising the rap
prochement the bigger the blaze.
BE NOT AFRAID.
Sir: Kindly spare us any reference to burnt
Cork. G. F. M.
"'GODr he cried aloud God! God! Godr =
IF. Scott Fitzgerald.
What's the matter? What's the matters
What's the matter? ea
white rises Of her eyes That would give US a
turn, but there is no a. for t.
The Dawn Of a Great Idea.
(Mr. Charles Chaplin, in Vanity Fair.)
There are, fortunately, times when ideas
take one unaware. For instance, go to
concert Paderewski is about to play. There
Is the plano. the arranged solemnity, the
awful dignity Of the psychological moment
when he is about to take his seat Suddenly,
in that profound silence before the master
has begun his overture, see--in my inn
agination, of course the piano stool col
lapse and the master come to an ignomin-
ious fall. There You have the beginning Of
an incident In one Of my pictures.
AFTER resisting for years the temptation to
collect an author in first editions we have fallen.
But you never could guess the author
SLOPPY WORK AT THE CROSSROADS.
(From the jackson County, Mimi, Pilot.)
We wish the guilty party that's been
taking grain out Of our old elevator would
at least get sack without a hole In, so he,
she or 1t won't have to spill it all over the
ground. Better call in and we'll donate you
sack without a hole in 1t. Farmers Coop.
ALTHOUGH as modern as most the Hotel
Pennsylvania has few old-fashioned ideas One
Of these is Separate Turkish baths for men and
women" w (@
KEATS VERSUS PERCY.
Pretend they're Irish and he'll willynilly I
With ponderous pun praise Usbaugh. sheats and
Let some kind person tell him who was Keats;
That as he finds in the Caloric "Follies"
The pills to purge his turgid lmelancholies,
So we, the sentimental and the weak
Find ours in phrases OF ''the Modern Creek
Seek saw-dust rings and pink tights acrobatc.
PUNK down their dollars, and then watch the
clown
Go percyhammonding. quite upside down;
AND folk who 'scape consistencys dull trammel
Send modest cheques to Mr.. Alfred Haml
In South La Sale street, number 2-0-S,-
And send them promptly lest they be too late.
PETRARCHINO.
MAY we not breathe a mild "Tut tutr' Dr..
Hammond's conclusions were, we thought, very
amusing, but he was mistaken in his premises.
There Is no suggestion of charity in the Keats
Memorial; it is, to Keats addicts, privilege, and
it was to Keats addicts that the appeal was ad-
dressed, There are not many dead poets who
could wiring from US the passing tribute of q
fver; not more than three.
HOW SHOULD WE KNOW? HOW SHOULD
WE KNOW? HOW SHOULD WE KNOW?
Sir: A writer in the Popular Science Monthly
says. THE inventor divided his plan into square
checkerboard design much resembling q chess
board" What does he mean? What does he
mean? What does he mean? E. j.. E.
WHAT" queries R. w. c., "has become of
the little yellow crabs that foated in the, O. t.
what became Of the little gold safety pins that
used to come with necktes
I. There Was Man In Our Town. and He Was
Wondrous Wise.
Sir: There is man in this town who keeps q
poultry yard He is good citizen and a strict
was obliged to find a way to whip the volstead
devil around a stump So he puts his chicken
feed into q metal tank adds water, and a pack
age or two of yeast stirs the mash, covers the
tank, and sets 1t aside for two or three weeks.
Then he feeds some of his hens. The experiment
was successful from the start. The eggs con-
tain over eight per cent Of alcohol and all Sandy
has to do is pour whites and yolks into a bowl,
add milk, sugar, and lemon, and VOLTA! a de-
licious eggnog EX.CON.
"WE sell the we'll known Lady Grace corset.
Just IA off."--Adv.
4 Vaguely recalling Amy Lowell's line, Get in
At any cost and then let out little"
JUST AS GOOD.
Sir: Use read" said the loquacious Pullman
porter, chow de Lawd dropped mama fun de
sky foh dem 1srultes, when foun' two dol |
lahs lyin on de sidewalk today lifted dat cash
de fus' thing an den lifted nah eyes an said,
Dis ain no mamma, good Lawd, an ain no
Isrulite but dis yeah two spot suttinly looks
good to met BIT.
HAPPY THOUGHT FOR A RAINY DAY.
Sir: In the same block on North Clark street |
DR. Graves and Dr. Duplantis have Offices If the
Reverend Deadman. who formerly preached in
Oskaloosa, could be persuaded to come to Chi ,
cago, he might make profitable connection.
4 Nt A. ]. r.
AN innovation at the Murdock House in !
Shawano, Wis. is "Bouillon in cups" instead of
the conventional tin dipper.
Elegy Written in A II. r. Depot.
Worthless and cracked and dirty,
The aaddest thing know II
Is 2 last months communication ticket,
With eight rides left to 60 r. c. X.
OPEN THE GATES!
Sir: That sound of hoof-beats heralds the ar
rival, to join the Immortals, of Royal Ryder,
mounted copper in San Francisco.
G. GPAY SJl1S |