South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-09-19

subway - Calpn ridden. It's pal
aces. baza2rs. khans. and byways
are thronEed with Al Rashids In
divers DISCUSSES. seeking diversion
and victims for their unbridled gen
crosby. You can scarcely find
poor beggar whom they are willing
20 let enjoy his spoils uusuccorcd.
nor a wrecked unfortunate upon
whom they VIII not rcshower the
means Of fresh misfortune. You
VIII hardly find anywhere a hungry
one who has not had the opportun-
lty 20 tighten his belt in gift libra
ries. nor poor pundit who has not
blushed a. tho holiday basket of cell
ery-crowned turkey forced resound-
ingly through his door By the ele-
e1osynary press.
SO then, fearfully through the Ha-
run-haunted streets creep the one
eyed calenGers. the Little Hunch-
back and the BARRIERS Sixth
Brother. hoping 10 escape the min
istrations of tho rowing horde OF
caliphoid sultans.
Entertainment for many Arabian
nights might be had from the his
tories OF those who have escaped
the largesse OF the army OF Com
manders of the Faithful Until
dawn YOU might sit on the enchant-
ed rug AID listen 10 such stories
as are told of tho powerful genie
Roc Ef-El-Er who sent the Forty
Thieves 10 soak up the oil plant OF
Ali Baba; OF the good Caliph Kar-
Eeg-Ghe. who gave away palaces:
Of the Seven Voyages OF Salibad, the
Sinner. who frequented wooden ex-
cursion steamers among the islands.
Of the Fisherman and the Bottle OF
the Barmecides' Boarding house; OF
AIladin's rise 20 wealth by means OF
his Wonderful Gasmeter.
But now there being ten sultans
20 one Sheherazade. she IS held too
valuable 10 be IN fear OF the bow
string In consequence the art of
narrative languishes. And. as the
lesser caliphs are hunting the happy
poor and the resigned unfortunate
from cover 20 cover in order TO heap
upon them strange mercics and
mysterious benefits. too often comes
the report from Ara bian headquar-
tiers that the captive refused Ito
talk"
This reticence. then. in the actors
who perform the sad com edies OF
their phiianthropy-s courged world,
must. in a degree, account for the
shortcomings OF this painfully
The story OF the Caliph Who Allevi-
nted His Conscience.
Old Jacob Spraggins mixed for
himself some Scotch and hthia
water al his $1,000 oak sideboard.
Inspiration must have resulted from
its Inhibition. for Immediately after
ward he struck the quartered oak
soundly with his fist and shouted
to the empty dining room:
by the coke ovens OF hell, Il must
be that ten thousand dollars! II
can get that squared. it'll do the
trick"
Thus. by the commonest ardfce
Of the trade, having gained your In
terest. the action OF the story VIII
now be suspended, leaving you
gr1mpilv TO consider a sort OF dull
beginning fifteen years
before.
When old Jacob was young Jacob
he was a breaker boy in a Pennsyl-
vania coal mine. I don't know what
"a breaker boy is; but his occupation
seems 70 be standing by coal dump
with a wan look and a dinner-pdl (
TO have his picture taken for maya
zine articles. Anyhow, Jacob was
one. But. instead OF dying OF over
work At nine. and leaving his help
less parents and brothers at the
mercy OF the union strikers reserve
fund, he hitched up his galluses, put
n dollar or two in a side proposition
now and then, and at forty-hVe was
worth S2O.OOO,OO0.
There now! it's over. Hardly had
time 10 yawn. did your I've seen
that-but let US dis
semble.
want you 70 consider Jacob |
SpragCins. ESQ. after he had ar
rived at the seventh stage Of his
career. The stages meant are. first. /
humble origin: second, deserved |
third. stOckhOlder; /
fourth. capitalist; fifth. trust mag
nate; sixth. rich malefactOr; sew
enth. caliph: eighth, X. The eighth /
stage shall be left 10 the higher
mathematics.
At hfty-fve Jacob retired from |
active business. The income OF a /
car was still rolling in on him from !
coal. iron. real estate. oil, railroads. /
and corporations. but /
none OF II touched Jacobs hands in I
n raw state. II was a sterilized in /
crement- carefully cleaned and dust /
cd and fuynlgated until IL arrived at I
it's ultimate stage Of untatnted, spot /
less checks IN the white fingers OF !
his private secretary. Jacob built a /
hree-milliou-dollar palace on cor /
ner lot fronting on NabOb avenue. |
city OF New Bagdad, and began 70 !
feel the mantle of the late II. A. Ra- |
shfd descending upon him. Event /
uaIlv Jacob slipped the mantle un-
der his collar. tied IL IN a neat four /
finland, and became a licensed har- 4
rier Of our Mesopotamian proletar I
lat.
When a mans income becomes so /
large that the butcher actually sends /
+. i'm the kind OF steak he orders, he I
begins 70 think about his souls sal /
vation. Now. the various stages or
classes OF rich men must not be for
gotten. The capitalist can tell YOU
TO n dollar the amount Of his wealth.
Tho trust magnate estimates" II.
Tho rich malefactor hands YOU q
cigar and denies that he has bought /
the 2. n. & O. The Caliph merely |
smiles and talks about Hammcrstein I
and the musical asses. There IS a
record Of tremendous alteration a.
breakfast in "Where-to- Dine
Well" tavern between a masnate
and his wife. the rift within the loot
being that the wife calculated their
fortune at a figure 100000 higher
han did her future divOrcee. Oh,
well. 7. myself. heard a similar quar-
rel between man and his wife be
,ause he found fifty cents less N his