The Washington herald., 1920-12-05
An O. Henry Story
A Municipal Report

Let us regard the word British"
'as interchangeable ad lib. A rat lis
a rat.
This man was hunting about the
hotel lobby like a starved dog that
had forgotten where he had buried
bone. He had face. Of great
acreage, red. pulpy. and with kind
Of sleepy massiveress like that. of
Buddha. He possessed one single
virtue-he was very smoothly
shaven. The mark of the beast is
1ot indelible upon a man until he
goes about with stubble. I think
that TX he had not used his razor
that day ! would have repulsed his
advances, and the criminal calendar
of the world would have been
spared the addition of one murder.
happened to be standing within
five fet of a cuspidor when Major
Caswell opened fire upon 1t. / had
been observant enough to perceive
that the attacking force was. using
Gatlings instead of squirrel rifles;
SO I sidestepped so promptly that
the major seized the opportunity to
apologize to a noncombatant. He
had the blabbing lip. In four min
utes he had become my friend and
had dragged me to the bar.
Idesire to interpolate here that
am Southerner. But i am not one
by profession or trade. eschew
the string tie, the slouch hat, the
Prince Albert, the number of bales
of cotton destroyed by Sherman.
and plug chewing. When the
orchestra plays Dixie i do not
cheer. 1 slide little lower on the
leather-covered seat and. well, or
der another Wurzburger and wish
that Longstreet had-but what's
the use?
Maj. Caswell banged the bar with
his fist, and the first gun at Fort
Sumter rc-echoed. When he fred
the last one at Appomattox I began
to hope. But then he began on
family trees, and demonstrated that
Adam was only a third cousin of
collateral branch of the Casweli
family. Genealogy disposed of. he
took up, to my distaste, his private
family matters. He spoke OF his
wife, traced her descent back to
Eve, and profanely denied any pos
sible rumor that she may have had
relations in the land Of Nod.
By this time 1 began to suspect
that he was trying to obscure by
noise the fact that he had ordered
the drinks. on the chance that 1
would be bewildered into paying
down he crashed a silver dollar
loudly upon the bar. Then, of
course, another serving was obli-
gatory. And when i had paid for
that 1 took leave of him brusquely;
for 1 wanted no more of him. But
before / had obtained my release
he had prated loudly of an income
that his wife received, and show9d
a handful of silver money.
When 1 got my key at the desk
the clerk said to me courteously:
"If that man Caswell has annoyed
you, and IL you would like to make
a complaint, we will have him
elected. He is a nuisance, loafer,
and without any known means OF
support, although he seems to have
some money most of the time. But
we don't seem to be able to hit
upon any means of throwing him
out legally"
Why, no." said I, after some re-
fiection: / don't see my way clear
to making a complaint. But
would like to place myself on rec
ord as asserting that / do not care
for his company. Your town, ]
continued, seems to be quiet
one. What manner Of entertain
ment, adventure, or excitement
have you to offer to the stranger
within your gatesT
We'll, sir" said the clerk, there
will be a show here next Thursday
1t is-Ill look it up and have the
announcement sent up to your room
with the ice water. Good night.
After 1 went up to my room j
looked out the window. 1t was
only about 10 o'clock, but I looked
upon a silent town. The drizzle
continued, spangled with dim
lights as far apart as currants in
a cake sold at the Ladies' Ex-
change.
"A quiet place." I said to myself,
as my first shoe struck the ceiling
Of the occupant of the room be-
meath mine. Nothing of the life
here that gives color and variety
to the cities in the East and West.
Just a good. ordinary, humdrum,
business town"
Nashville occupies foremost
place among the manufacturing
centers of the country. 1t is the
fifth boot and shoe market in the
United States, the largest candy
and cracker manufacturing city in
the South, and does an enormous
wholesale dry goods, grocery and
drug business.
1 must tell you how came to be
in Nashville, and I assure you the
depression brings as much tedium
to me as 1t does to you. l was
travelling elsewhere on my own
business. but had commission
from a Northern literary magazine
to stop over there and establish a
personal connection between the
publication and one Of its contribu-
tors, Azalea Adair.
Adair (there was no clue to the
personality except the 'handwriting)
had sent in some essays Uost art)
and poems that had made the edi-
tors swear approvingly over their
o'clock luncheon. So they had
commissioned me to round up said
Adair and corner by contract his or
her output at 2 cents a word be-
fore some other publisher offered
bar IN or On