Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-08-20
There's No Base Like Home
BY II. C. WITWER
By Fl. C.. WITWER

could make twelve sets of dice at the
very least outa your head oC'mon--
what dye wanna see me about?' ~
Joe, he commence to tappin' on his
desk with a leads pencil, the while
pullin' idly. at his whiskers..
wanted to see you" he says. 70
say that the chances are you are going
M,1unless you are prepared to stand
little more. on your apartment"
v,,hoco could stand stand little more more steam sesSn
for sneer "Accordin' TO my maid,
which has inhabited the joint since !
been away, she has been putin the food
on top OF the radiators at nights to keep
IL from spolin'!'
You're the only tenant in this house
that's complained about the heat" he
says.
The rest Of 'em probly amt had no
heat to complain about" comes back.
with snapplly air.
DO you think that's funny? he
"I'll leave II to you" says. "Ive
time e.
That will do" he grunts, waggin'
the leads pencil at me. II sent for you
TO tell you that you were notified thirty
days ago that at the expiration of your
present lease your rent would be in
creased to $3.50 a month. I'm willing TO
make It $3.50. IL you pay the first years
rent In advance. That's the best l can
do !"
Il can't see into it." says. whats
the worst you can do?"
| "Disposses, you" he bawls. And
make up your mind In twenty-four
| hours.
Il had a party looking at your apart
ment only yesterday, that was willing to
pay 5000 a month for it."
stop 1t !" says. you prob'ly showed
em Grants Tomb by mistake" ! walked
over and shook my fist under his beak
rs this the way you treat a guy which
went over the top to fight for your"
says.
top" he sneers, you weren't fghting
hear my proposition-take 1t or leave
with that. Joe. he picks up the phone
II was China and he was the League
of Nations.
Well, Joe, my first idea was to bust
him in the nose and be done with It /:
but this guy wouldst only add 1t to my
telephone bill in the. shape OF a long.
distance call or the like, so I held myself
checked, and. after givin' some slightly
vent to my passions by fiingin him hor-
ribly look, went back upstairs to break
the tough news to Jeanne.
Joe. II was like goin' from the fryin s
pan into the fire, because no more has
the maid permit me to enter my fiat
to the right and left. Although ] been
off of the stun for so long that for all
know highball Is dance pulled off
on the top of Washingtons Monument.
she won't have II no other way but that
have drop in at the corner to see my
old friends which she claims is canaille
and has forced me to pass up. | says
! am not guilty; and. anyways, If had
gone in the corner what good Is II now
when we have all been took prisoner by
prohibition and a glass of crack ice is
is still ATS beer and says, yes. put that
means two bottles for seventy-five cents
and they is a worse kick in skim milk
than they Is in that
What then has kept you go long from
the homer" she says. with pout which
would make them magazine cover danes
. take ether.
: saws. "Our jovially landlord is attempt.
, in to take the apartment away from US
You wanna cancel all games you got
scheduled for today; we gotta, go out
and dig up another robber and try tc
rent a fat from hini-otherwise this guy
, will hurl us bodily into the street"
What does Jeanne do, Joe, but jumT
up and clap her hands; othr the while grin
|, Viola !" she says. But that is char
, mant" lit
'hinsh iesharmssts naas s"~aEk kolieTs M 10 what is the
charmant about bein' gave the bum
rush, when think OF the reputation
have got to uphold here and there Dy
/ realize how tough II is to find n apart
, ment in this New York burg now, hey
They has been no buildin' since the wa
and still and all fresh, new people ha
been pourin' In by the millions ever
minute. The towns SO overcrowded nov
, that foundations for apartment houses
: beir' laid off Sandy's Hook and Fir
island, The chances arc we will b
under canvass in Centrals Park befor
| ba NyeelS iS out and
"Edouard - butts in Jeanne, very sud
. den and with the first traces of wlfel
anger commencin to show in ther
, baby's blue eyes OF hers. How ofte
, have ] tell you to not hol!er at Jeann
/ like YOU do those pinochle cochon friend
Of yours have from here? Nov
YOU will at once make apologize, out?
I "Oui is right. - | says, tryin' TO kis
I the approachin' battle away and missii
5 it from here TO Russia. I'm sorry an
= etc. but
|, irwin to interrupt your wife willis