davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1920-08-06
Some Observationso aPessmiist

make any mention OF a pay envelope
after the monthly expense bills are
paid
The Phoebe woman who Is always
telling her husband she is going to
hep him save money seldom keeps ncr
promise.
Any time a Phoebe girl accuses a
young man of stealing her heart yoL
can bet she was an accomplish.
a woman may be ever so peac-lble.
shG yet when it comes to shoes she has
spats.
Why will some fellows pay s25 for
quart of whisky and then compls an
n they have TO pay more than Is cen q
for a quart of milk?
Some Phoebe women don't have to
think very hard to tell their husbands
what they think of them.
Red-headed people are said to be the
least liable to become bald. but they
are most liable to jerk the other fei-
low bald-headed.
And with wheat increasing In price
-four will soon be too expensive to use
as face powder.
woman's tears is to tell her to keep on
crying.
We doubt IL there Is a man or wom-
an in Phoebe who can say they ever
made a success of picking out a hus-
band for lady friend.
Why doesn't the fair-price COM
mission in this country enliven things
by Offering prize for a few fair
prices?
About the only time some Phoebe
men begin to economic is when the
collection box gets around to them.
All you've got to do to make the
Germans agree to anything is to prove
to them that there's no way for them
to get out of it.
The reason men boss the world is
because the hen lays eggs but can't
cackle as loud as the rooster.
The Phoebe man who says you can't
believe all you see in the papers" Is
usually the one who believes he knows
which she'll the little ball Is under
Even though wine is made out OF
elderberries, some people still insist on
ageing it.
And the longer prohibition stays in
effect the more room there is for coal
in the cellar.
Any Phoebe schoolboy can tell you
what they raise the most of in Mexico
but mother told him not to use thai
| word.
| It's wise man who reads his home
town paper regularly, for he isn't sc
| apt to expose his ignorance when he
| gets around where other people are
talking.
Ohio is the mother of presidents, but
this is one case where she can't have
twins.
Many q Phoebe man who thinks h.
+ won a prize when he married finds GU
later that he only entered into an
other guessing contest.
| Among the men We usually try t
avoid meeting on the street is the fell
/ low who says: Il told you So"
After all. vacation time is only tn,
season of the year when the farm
jewellers go to the city and the cit,
folks go to the farm.
The old-fashioned Phoebe man wnt
used to whistle at his work now has
! son who swears as he washes the au
/ tomobile.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1920-08-06

ncaentls<s ny the smallest thing In
~ vosA = . -0saAtsl" TAsy don't
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1920-08-06

Reports show there are 10 per cen
more goats In Germany than before
Tho war. The fact II. war made goa'
of the whole country.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1920-08-06

The best thing about political mat
ter 10 that you don't have to read u
unle.ss you want to.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30

not like It, However. l shall save
my supper until you arrive. and then
we will dine together"
Agreed! I'll be off now, and
thank you again for your most hos
pitable Offer"
i know not what other people
think of the matter, but there is
nothing In this wide, wide world SO
useful to me as flattery," meditated
Billy after leaving the Duke OF
Windham. 1T will bring quicker re-
turns than anything else, and l
fancy that with this weapon l can
conquer almost any foe.
Now tho Duke OF Windham has
not the faintest idea that my call was
made for the sole reason that
wanted comfortable lodging for the
night, and that had planned my
visit with care. He IL congratulating
himself on his bigness of heart this
very moment. that I'll wager. Any
way, my object Is attained, and now
I can enjoy myself with no thought
or dread of the night. The time was
when I did not think anything OF
spending a night In the opsn, hut
then 1t Is not 10 much that I'm
growing old as 1t Is these disagree
able rheumatism-breedi fogs that
accompany the October nighta.'
Billy disiiked to acknowledge even
to himself that old age was creeping
on apace, and that 1t was necessary
to have extra care If he would enjoy
good health.
"a rain storm gets Billy into
! trouble in tofnorrow's story.I
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
B I1sLL,yl.,WHiliKERc H
S. IReoo MoNTook4ERY

Ihe Duke puffed up at Billy's flat
terry and boosted in this fashion:
Well. 1t Is no secret that Tom is
my favorite, and he did give me
humoerless currytngs and rubbings
down this summer. My coat is as
smooth and glossy as any thorough
ored could wish, and my markings
are especially fine, fancy. That
star on my forehead, now, Is near
perfect, don't you think?' waiting
eagerly for further appreciation.
To let you into secret" replied
sly Billy. I've made the entire
rounds. but there's nothing here that
can hold candle to your beauty.
that's my candid opinion. You know
I'm not one to fiatter. and you can
depend on my word"
such appreciation OF ones rood
points deserves some substantial
recognition" thought the Duke, and
so he said;
by the way. Billy, are YOU going
to stay over night II 30. I'll be
proud to have you as my guest, for
ny Quarters here are plenty large
enough to accommodate you.r
That Is just like your generous
Seit' replied the goat. And while ]
mad thought TO return to cloyer1eat
Farm at nightfall. the prospect OF
being entertained by YOU leads me
70 change my plans. I'll be more
man delighted to accept and will be
BACK soon after twilight"
+. Yes. that might be best, for the
keepers feed US about 6 O'Clock, and
II you We're found here, they Nigh,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Rapids voters who failed to go to the

Rapids voters who failed to go to the
polls.
However, yesterdays election does
not alter the fact that Cedar Rapids
Is the county seat. Whether the
courts will decree q removal to Ced-
ar Rapids and installment in rented
quarters. on which the taxpayers will
have to pay the expense. Is n matter
of conjecture. The power to cause a
removal lies with the court. Whether
such a move would be wise Is ques-
tionable 1t would cost the county
good deal Of money. And the objec-
tors TO new court house would be
powerless to effectively demonstrate
There Is no tendency on the part
OF Cedar Rapids interests to be bitter
ngainst any group for the outcome OF
the election. They have no desire to
respond In kind to the advice OF the
president OF the Linn County Farm
Bureau. who advised members OF that
organization to get together and push
Cedar Rapids Off the map. Cedar
Rapids is here to stay. So are the
farm and farmers. And the city is
very essential to the farmers, even
tho a few OF them might wish TO
push 1t off the map" Likewise, the
farmers are essential to the city. The
community can not be divided In Its
friendships, any more than 1t can be
divided in It's interests. They endure,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Answers to Ye.t.rday,s question,

Answers to Yesterdays Questions.
lido blue jays store nuts fol
winter use?
The general belief that the jay
boards up nuts for winter use has
probably some foundation In fact.
tho one is at loss to know where
he could place his stores so that
they would not be piitcred by mice
and the squirrels.
lis butternut adaptable for
building purposes?
Butternut Is the softest and most
tractable of what are called hard
! woods. and its hue Is eminentJy
warm and mellow. It's figure is point
| ed and sh0oting--a short OF
Gothic style In the grain. It makes
admirable doors. Western butternut,
makes doors as light as pine, and
as little liable to spring.
! 3.-Where may the red salamander
| be found?
The small red salamander. COM
monty called lizard. makes more
music in the woods In autumn than
any bird. 1t is a pretty. inoffensiye
creature, walks as awEwardly az Z
! baby, and may often be found be-
| meath stones and old logs in the
/ woods, where buried in the mould. II
passes the winter
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
NEVER DONE Ho1H.N' TO U.s..

Isn't it something OF travesty
that we rave and tear over punch
boards, poker and other games of
chance while we sit serene and per-
NIT gigantic stock promotions from
which even the element of chance Is
removed, as aristocratic crooks play
upon both the weak and avaricious?
-Anarn,osa Eureka.
Littl, and big things have very
close relation. The punch board and
poker .,,lld slot machines are simply
the hoi polloi OF graft as in contra
distincti,n 70 the "aristocracy" Of
getting something for nothing in q
crooked way. We rave" over those
because they are under our nose. We
see them and smell them. Petty graft
always attracts common attention
and receives common denunciatioa
where tiE graft gets away with It.
But they belong together like q foot
hill and mountain belong together.
We are all OF us guilty, at least
most o.. US are guilty II our building
rents for high rental because some
body can pay it from the income Of
q grating business we keep mighty
mum. It's a lot OF difference wheth-
or our tenant sells booze-if he -
prompn with the rent on the first Ct
the month. Altogether too many OF us
arc willing to keep quiet II our par
ticular friends or our incomes are ms
volved. And according to the proverb,
there isn't any vital differences be-
tween the partaker and the thief.
The, teacher In the Sunday school
class had finished telling the story OF
Nero, OF his insane cruelty and es-
pecially the horrid tale OF the burn
Ing OF the Christian martyrs. She
turned 10 the little boy at the end OF
the class and asked What do you
think e,f Nero?" And the modern
youth answered with the modern
philosophy Nero never done nethin'
to me-"
Our lndividualism finds It hard to
understand why we should be per-
sonally interested where nobody
done no.hin' to u.s."
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
W..t.ful euyino P.n.,,xed,

A. year ago or more people were
buying not only abundantly but
wastsfully. They were unaffected by
prices. Indeed, the higher the price.
the more desirable the article. They
wanted the best" and the meas
ure Of the best was the highest
price. Another measure. too much In
voked, was luxuriousncss--the In
trinsic worthlessness of the article
the extravaganza OF the purchase.
Hundreds of thousands OF workers
and producers We're drawn. In d.
sequence, from essential production
TO the production OF nom essentials.
The effect on essential production
was such that its costs skyrockhetd,
and there threatened to come time
when none of US could afford to pay
the price for the things actually
needed. Today, partly Ms result OF
that debauch of foolish spending. and
partly as a result of the working of
popular psychology. we have the oP.
posite extreme.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30

L
Those who can see 10 years ahead
see some mighty good all year roads
in Iowa.
Which are you doing. buying life
for a child or holding back your as
sessment Of few dollars at the cost
of child's life? its one or the 9TH
err.
Maybe we'll be able to collect that
ten billion debt without buying goods
from Europe but how do you imag-
Inc 1t can be done7
Most of the manly satisfaction the
husband takes IN seeing his wife pay
poll tax will be overshadowed by the
fact that he will have to dig up the
price.
Not only Mexico but most Of US in
diyiduals right here at home seem to
be working our way back to NOR
malcy." A second hand automobile
sold for $50 yesterday.
Don't chew the nag over it. Don't
even argue. Send your check to the
children's relief. Might as well argue
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
lowa Newspapers
WINTER TINE.
Davenport Democrat.l

Snow, and frozen winter. are
seasonable at this time. 1t makes one
feel more az IL 1t were winter. 1t
leaves no doubts In anyone's mind.
Those who sought milder climes are
probably glad they did. Those who
might and did not, may be sorry. The
vast majority of us, who must stay
and take the weather as it comes,
are SPRINGER of step and roster of
cheek because the north winds blow
and snow and ice come in their sea-
son. II may grow monotonous in so
/, or 60 years-even the Boston woman
you know, said she liked beans for
fifty or sixty meals but not for a
steady diet--7but the worlds history
shows that. II Is In the temperate
zones with their alternating heat and
cold. that the worlds real achieve
mept takes place. That's how we
came to be here, why we are here,
and why we probably shall remain
here.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
TIMES REPUBLICAN MARsHA1rowN IOWA DECEMBER 90 1920

over the shape OF water pail when
the house is on fire.
If Jim Goods budget plan and
economy system goes thru public
buildings will wait two or three
years for delivery OF the pork. Mr..
Good Is entirely right when he insists
that we can get along for time with
the public buildings we have.
An Iowa preacher has quit the
ministry for the movies. Started
McAdoodling az 1t were.
or course 1t looks foolish to those
who think there will never be another
war when they see warships building.
But the real foolishness lies in the
assumption that we shall never be
obliged to defend ourselves.
"Postoffice Needs Half a Billion"
Worse than that 1t needs new p. NJ.
&.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Ripping Rhymes
Bv WALT MASON

~ .az
Said Madame
me And still
mind"
to
me-
III
ocea and throng?
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Live Electric Fish.

There are in all about fifty species
IF electrical fish, but the electrical
properties Of only five or six have
been studied in detail. The best
known are various species of torpedo,
belonging to the skate family, found
IN the Mediterranean and Adriatic
seas: the gymnotus. an eel found in
the region OF the Orinoco in South
America: the malanterurus. the raash
Or thunderer fish, OF the Arabs, a ma
tive Of the Nile, the Niger Senegal
md other African rivers. and various
species of skate found in the seas
around Great Britain.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
DoFT DODGE the GRADE CROSSING.

Fourteen per cent more motorists
were killed last year than in 1917.
From these figures the Iowa High
way commission draws the inference
that motorists are growing more
careless at grade crossings,
The inference Is not justified by
observation. "A better explanation
would be that the number Of automo-
bile drivers has greatly Increased
since 1!f.7 and that the increased per-
centage. Of accidents is attributable,
more to the increase of autoists, than
the an Increase of general careless-
ness.
In comparison with the number Of
machines to the number of accidents
Iowa stands ninth. OF course this
may indicate greater care on the
part Of Iowans than is exercised by
the states with greater percentages Of
deaths. But the character Of the
crossings probably has more to do
with these percentages than careless
ness.
!, The commission bulletin calls for
more drastic legislation directed
toward travellers explaining that to-
change TOO dangerous crossings In the
state would cost too much money
which is not available and suggests
indirectly, that motorists may be
legally compelled to come to q full
stop at grade crossings.
I About all such provision would
do would he to relieve railroads OF re-
sponsibility for accident. The ay-
erage antomobilist, careful or care
less would not often come to fun
stop. II would be one Of those laws
offwhich we have many, totally un-
observed. And it would not decrease
the number Of accidents.
It is true enough that grade cross
ings can not be Immediately elm
mated, that neither the money nor
the materials is at hand to put 700
overhead or subway crossings in at
once but 1t is not a question to be
sighted or evaded by lodging the
real question which is the final
abolition Of the grade crossings. No
new permanent highway should be
built wherein every such crossing is
not, wherever possible, made safe by
over or under passage. And in EVERY
case, where the grade crossing can
be avoided by a change Of roadway
or by other means available 1t must
be done.
There are many things left undone
at grade crossings by which they
NAL be Eaade safes. Weeds and other
.concealments at crossings are re-
sponsible for many accidents. OF
course 1t goes without saying that
carelessness and lack Of constant
watchfullness on the part of motor
lists are to be charged with most re-
sponsibility. But Jove himself mods
now and then and that element of
neglect must be considered when &C
cidents at grade crossings are con-
sidered
There should be no evasion OF tho
grade crossing problem. 1t will last
over years but the sooner the ELM
nation is begun The sooner Iowa
crossings will be safe
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Useful Quarantine sian.

During an epidemic In a small
'outhern town every infected house
vas put under quarantine. After the
disease had been checked an old re-
sress protested vigorously. when the
health officers started to take down
he sign on her house.
Why, Auntie." exclaimed the of
sicer, don't you want me to take it
Town.
We'll, sah," she answered. "dey
ain ben bill collectah neah dis
house, sence dat sign went up You
all let 1T alone!"-Harper's Magazine.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
Tender Hearted.

You know said the fat plumber,
I hate to kill any living creature. but
lust had to kill a rat the other day."
How was that?" the thin carpen-
;er encouraged.
TO save 1t from dying from cha
grim"
Il don't gettcha."
This rat had been spending about
aii It's time for a week or so digging
shru one of our cellar walls
''Uh huh
And just couldn't bear to think
u It finishing the Job and thinking it
'ad reached the open air. and then
hiding 1t had Just tunneled into an
other room. youngstown Telegram.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
The STATE OF BUSINESS.

The development of new business
is such az to give encouragement to
some interests, but it is mainly for
nearby delivery, and usually at low
ser prices. Replenishment of supplies
Is evidently becoming necessary in
some quarters, and freer ordering Of
goods after the turn Of the year is
expected in certain trades where
prices seem to be approaching con-
dition of. sterilization. The general
situation, however, still presents
sharp contrasts. with moderate Inn
provement in a few lines being more
than offset by a retrograde move
ment in other directions,
A new phase, tho one which had
been forshadowed, has appeared In
the wage decreases that are occur
ring in various industries, and costs
Of production are steadily declining
in many instances. The influence OF
this change should later be seen In
further recessions in retail prices. yet
estimates OF consuming demand at
lower prices must allow for the di-
minuation of public buying power.
Not only are wages being readjusted
and overtime work largely elimi-
mated. but there are fewer opportuni-
ties for employment as manufactur-
ers curtail or temporarily suspend
operations, and the Christmas turn
over was marked by more conserva-
tism and, discrimination in purchas-
ing.
The policy turnout the country Is
one of caution in making commit
ments, and all the statistical mea-
sures OF business reflect the reversal
OF conditions. With transactions re-
stricted and prices sharply Debated,
the margin Of reduction in bank
clearings is widening. and the rise in
the commercial mortality is becom-
ing a more conspicuous feature. Such
movements as these are a natural
accompaniment Of the economic
transition. and occasion no surprise.
The sharp increase in this coun-
try's merchandise exports that oc-
CURED In October was not mnin-
tanned during November. hut was fol-
lowed. instead, by s77,ooo,ooo de-
crease. This lowered the value Of the
months shipments to ss75, o0o. 900
which. tho larger than in the four
months Immediately preceding Octo-
berg is Sos, 100000 short Of the No
Evember, 1919. figures. The foreign
trade contraction, however. was not
confined to exports. After October's
reduction of s2s,OOo.o00. the Novem-
Der Imports fell off an additional
.$13 900, 900, making the total s321.-
coo 700, the smallest Of the present
year. Comparing with the importa-
tons of November OF last year. more
over. a decline of fully S100,0o0,0 900
appears. The difference between the
exports and imports last month was
$685., 900 900, whereas 1t was $41S, 0O0.-
600 in October. In November, 1919,
the export excess was ss16.o0o,0o0.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30
CONCERNING THE BONUS.
TDes Moines CapitAI.l

Secretary OF the Treasury Houston
still insists It would be mistake to
burden the federal treasury with u
soldier bonus. He is fearful of the
cost. OF course II will require a
great deal of money to pay the BILL
lions In war bills but to The Capital
that seems to be talking away from
rather than toward the real point OF
the bonus.
During the next few years we will
have TO raise many millions of doll
lars which went to pay the salaries
Of civilians working In war Industries
at $40 a day and upwards while our
fighting men were getting 81 a day
1t seems to The Capital to be merely
matter Of Justice. Civil laws re-
quire us to pay the former debt:
moral laws require us to pay the lat
ter.
But no matter what the federal
government may do, the duty Of the
state remains clear: The legislature
which conyenes next month should
hasten to pass bonus bill. More
than dozen states already have
passed bonus bills and Iowa should
not be In the rear in the line of duty
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-12-30

A cartoon published in the latter
part Of the eighteenth century which
lampooned the French inventor and
which bears the title, "Montgolfier in
the Clouds" tho produced in spirii
of sarcastic unbelief, SO cleverly out
lines our present position regarding
the possibilities of airships that il
may we'll be construed into an un-
conscious prophecy.
In the character of a soap bubble
blower the inventor is seen hard al
work sending these fragile spheres
into the air while he speaks of his
jnventinon as great one which will
immortalize his king, his country and
himself.
I'VE will declare war;" he contin.
ued. against our enemies: we will
make them quake; we will inspect
their camps; we will intercept their
fleet, and we will set fire to their
docks and yards; we will take Glib.
raltar In the air. balloon, and when
we have conquered the English, then
we will conquer the other countries
and make them all the colonies OF
the Grande Monarque."
While 1t. is thought that the as
cension made by Vincent Lunardi
from Moorefield, England, on Sept
Is, 1884. was the first to be made in
Great Britain, yet nearly three weeks
before this a poor man who made
his living by his pen. one James Ty-
Ter, made an ascension. but which
was q failure, owing to his using fire
to heat the air in the balloon.
Vincent Lunardi, being advised by
DR.. George Fordyce to use hydrogen
gas, did so, and in consequence the
adventurer came from the ciouds to
find himself famous.