The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1920-02-18

Editors Note-Mr. HaslSin usually
confines his work to matters of straight
information, but while confined to
room with illness, where he had no
facts available, he prepared the follow
ing fancful piece.)
HEAVEN, Feb. 1S-The Overhead
Limited was a little la:e this morning.
There was further delay in getting into
the Celestial Union station. 1t is al
schedule, but everyone who has been
living in the flesh during the past few
years has become so accustomed to all
transportation FACILITIES being upset,
that it seems quite natural to encoun-
ter the same thing in the spirit.
When we finally arrived I noticed
that the Cherub Station porters began
to brush the clouds from the luggage,
and to assemble it in separate piles. l
inquired about this and fellow travel
err, who had been a nice old lady on
earth, wanted to know if had reser-
walton. When l stated that l had none
her evident surprise made me quite APP
prehensive.
This place is so crowded." she said,
that unless you have a reservation
you are likely to have a terrible time
in getting any accommodations at all.
Dear me-" said |, "it sounds Just
like New York or Washing on or Miami,
doesn't it? l had no idea you could
pick out your own location. ! thought
you had to leave that to the general
manager, Saint Peter.
"Ot course he passes on yoIr quail
ricatons to enter" she said, but if
your record proves to be all tight, and
YOU have made a reservation for your
where you like, The Methodists are
just crazy about the Wesley House
and over at the Hotel Williams the
place is SO damned that every time you
Turn around you are stepped on by a
Baptist, AS far as | am personally
concerted / prefer the Campbell Inn,
and ! intend tn go there"
We'll" | replied, this begins to
look like a serious matter. | will run
over to the bureau of records at the
Pearly Gate, and see what Saint Peter
can do for me-
you cant do that" said my in
fOrmant.
'Why not?" l asked in surprise.
Because the thrush of spirits has
become SO great" she stated that the
Old system of handling new arrivals
had to be abandoned and more mod
crn methods applied, Saint Peter has
moved his whole organization down to
is now installed as the head of the
Elysian Qualification bureau. You
cant get any kind of transportation, or
even an angel guide, until he has had
your record checked up, and has per
sonally passed on your fitness for ad-
mission
Whcreupon the spirit of the nice old
lady remarked that she would have to
go and look up her reservation. She
said she wanted to get her harp, and
have it tened Just to sui. her, because
she Intended to take part in grand
open-air praise service that would be
held in Ethereal park in a few days.
| BIT that dear old soul has a good
time in heaven.
on found that [ was in for It on
accom- Of my failure to make a
reservation, On all my journeys, like
this last one, | have usually departed
on short notice, and have invariably
Travelled light. But | am now convinced
that all OF the earthly advantages at
tached to travelling with scant prepare
ton and small membranes do not ap-
ply in making a trip to Heaven. If
VOu intend to come this way be sure
to prepare Ia advance. Tn conditions
UP her, are SO crowded that hate
to think of the fe@fully conges led
state Of a certain other place which
| hope | win never have to write up.
After waiting in line long time
finally managed to claim the attention
of Saint Peter. He is certainly a nice
Old MAINLAND thoroughly COnNerSant
with his business, He Is polite and fair
"a all alike, Ii some of the ticket SELL
eN and station officials back on earth
could see how patient and agreeable he
is with everyone they would not be so
pcevish with the deaf old ladies who
do not know which Springfield it Is
they want to go to.
Uncle Peter that Is what everybody
calls the old fe,lowtold me that he
was having hard morning, He said
there had been Il fog on the River Styx
the night before and several hoatoads
If shades from Europe were dumped in
on him Just at the moment when he
had his hands fun with other custom
ers | asked him what class Of spirits
gave him the most trouble. ard he said
that 1t did not make much difference
in his days work where they came
from-unless 1t were Russia He said
that the average Bolsheyik was so dis
satisfied with everything that If he let
one of them in il would only be a short
time until he would start revolt
against tho peaceful conditions OF
heaven itself
The applicant directly ahead of me.
| in his terrestrial existence had lived in
Kentucky His name had been Colonel
SdNething or other-I forget what. He
SAID he had won more than a local