The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-09-03

pen to you II you play the piano.
Course, / know lot of people do
and get away with it. Maybe they're
unpopular with the neighbors. and
they lose few friends, and wonder
why they amt asked around more
They're gettin' off easy. But when
a party makes a secret of it-well,
look at Albert Hickson.
From the name now, what would be
your guess as to Albert's job in life?
No. not headwaiter, nor floor
walker in the house furnishings de-
partment, nor even soda water clerk
Fair guessin', though. He had a face
that would fit on any of them impor
tant positions. But actually Albert
was a double entry expert. You know,
certified public accountant Not top
liner, such as big corporation would
call in and fee heavy to slip the jow-
ers into their income tax returns. No,
l expect Albert wauld rate as a book.
keeper of about the fourth or fifth
class if it came to a showdown. But
he was plenty skillful enough for me,
when l got tangled up in my accounts
at the Physical Culture Studio once or
twice a year.
That's how | came to get such line
on him. At that / don't know as I'd
have paid much attention to him if it
hadn't been for my assistant, Swiftly
Joe. Somehow Albert seemed to i'm
because Swiftly is such a dub at figures
himself. He can go as far as six times
five without crackin' very bad, but be-
yond that he simply founders around,
and when it comes to addin' up a
double column Swiftly can get some
surprising results. You ought to see
the lead pencil, too, after he finishes
chewin' the end.
You do your arithmetic, Swiftly"
l used to tell him, like Chinaman
eats chop suey, mostly with your
face"
So when Mr.. Hickson pays us his
semiannual visit, drapeS a green eye
shade over his pallid brow, uncorks
the red and black bottles, sets the
eradicator outfit handy, and proceeds
to make neat rows of figures and run
'em up rapid without moyin his lips,
he gets Swiftly standin' around gawpy
and admirin'.
Some number wizard, that Hick-
son guy" Swiftly confides to me in a
whisper Kinda ladylike, though,
amt he?"
YES" says I, che does have what
you might call trial balance ply
sique"
He's a tall, stiff-iointed party, AL
bert, who always moves his shoulders
when he turns his head like he had
a permanent neck boil. Also he has
mild, starey eyes, sort of buttermilk
blue a complexion like Boston
cracker, diversified ears, and long slim
fingers that seem to be the only timber
part of him. Wears straw cuff pro-
tectors and little vest apron bound
with green braid.
Say, it took Albert good twenty
minutes to get himself properly cos
tuned for work and everything set
First he'd straighten up the desk
pilin' all my papers in neat little
stacks, and then use a dust cloth
vigorous. Then he'd place the pen
tray just so, and the ink well there,
and his eraser here, goin' through as
many finicky motions as a surgeon
preparin' to pluck an appendix.
l thought l had Albert sized up
fairly accurate when 1 described him
to Swiftly and as he old maid And
the more | saw of him and the better
we got acquainted the less reason
had for changin my mind. got
joshin' Albert once on the wild sporty
life he led, askin' him if he'd nevec
tried to reform and all that and the
first thing I knew l had him lookin'
foolish with his under lip tremblin.'
Il know, Professor McCabe," says
he, that my life must seem rather
tame and dull to you. lit does to
me, too. But I've never had chance
to live differently. Really l haven't"
'How's that?" says I. Big family
on your hands?"
NO" says he, solemn. There is
only sister Alice, but she-she is 4
good deal to live up to-"
And gradually from that start,
got the whole tale. Albert was
minister's son. He'd been brought up
in small town parsonages, shiftln'
around from place to place. He'd be-
gun trainin' for the pulpit himself, but
he'd broken down while tryin' to work
his way through college. Near as
could gather he'd tried to tend eight
or ten furnaces, wait on table at
students boardin' house, keep a set OF
books for a grocery store, and sop up
an overdose of knowledge all at the
same time. No wonder he cracked
under the strain.
1t was about time he was turned
loose from the hospital that his old
man, the Rev. Hickson, passed out,
leavin' him his blessin and mighty
little else. Then sister Alice showed
nm from China and took him under