The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-04-02
Bits of Byplay
BY LUKE MCLUKE
Copyright. 1920. by
The Cincinnati Enquirer.

Advice.
Old winters gone, but do not soon
Though warm spring brings her ra-
diant smile;
Don't think its time to take 'em on,
Just keep 'em on little while.
Ho, HumI
And what has become OF the o. I.
man who used to 60 out and get drunk
before he went to dentist to have
tooth pulled?
Fooeyl
The Old-Timer had been mixed up In
an automobile accident and was taken
to the hospital in pretty bad shape.
When he recovered consciousness, he
family murmured to the nurse that he
wanted drink. The nurse brought
him a glass of water and went to put
What is that stur?" asked the
Old Timer.
Water" replied the Nurse.
Feed IT TO me in a teaspoon until
] get used to it," feebly requested the
ld-Timer.
OUGHT
His dear wife's nagging makes him
I know. he'd like to slam her;
For while she cannot drive a nail.
She sure can use her hammer.
inconsistent.
The grocery store was crowded, ana,
after delay, Mrs. Smith walked over
to one of the clerks and said something
to him and stalked out of the place.
\ What was she kicking about?'
asked the grocer. when he had time to
talk to the clerk.
'She was kicking about the long
wait" replied the clerk.
Damn woman. anyway sad the
grocer she was in here yesterday
kicking about the short weight"
Alta Boy!
The wind blows high. the wind blows
low,
It keeps me on the hop:
But ! think I will let it blow,
Until 1t wants to stop.
Paw Knows Everything
Wilie-Paw. what is a philosopher?
Paw-A philosopher is a man who
talks like a wise man and acts like a
darn fool, my son.
Bargain Hunters.
Just see the women shoppers flock
Into that storer' said Vost;
1.-THE man Is selling out his stock
or postage stamps at cost"
Maybe
Maybe the reason why there is
much antagonism to the more daylight
movement is because the average man
can't see why he should suffer one hour
longer per day with the kaifs closed
Or the Germany.
~ don't like these new Dances said
dear old Mrs. Malaprop to Bali Crank
81 prefer the old-fashoned dances. such
as the stately mignonette."
WI say he WOOD.
Mary came across the sea. i.
Her home was on the Strand:
I took a trip to Baltimore
To see dear Maryland
Billy Wood
What if Mary had swan across,
And had no clothes tn wear;
Do you reckon Billy Wood
Have still been waiting there? :,
Louisville.
How About Him?
if of nm
members have any objection to our
making Pat Irish, Of Ft. Worth, Texas,
a member of the club?
Yes, But Whaddy Ya Mean?
(Marion Ohio Starr
Dare Devil Johnny Reynolds
Doing stunts that are almost inhu-
man.
Som !.
7. M. Dry does business at 724 Racine
street, Chicago. III.
Our Daily Special.
1t Is Poor Mule That as No Kick
Coming
Luke McLuke Says.
A made-oVer dress looks mighty good
to man. But the woman who Is
wearing it knows that it doesn't fool
other women.
Any wife can tell you that her hus-
band and his dog do too blaine much
OF weather will soon be here. But
that won't keep some men from skating
on thin ice.
Every man is natural born arbitrator
when he figures that he can't lickthe
other fellow.
Every five or ten minutes these days
you run, into a brainless idiot who
couldn't run a peanut stand. but who
Insists on telling you how much better
ne could run the government than the
man who is running 1t right now.
It's about as easy to guess a girls
loot measurement by looking at her
shoes as it is to guess her hip measure
nent by looking at her hips.
We do not know much But we do
Jnow that - the way they are gonna
lress this summer a fellow will have
% have an awful nerve to tell a girl
hat he would like To see more OF her }