The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-10-03
Mistur Edditur:

Mistur Edditur:
 We air riting this peese for your valuabull fammerly paper under sum difficulties. We air not sure that it will be finished-or that it will evver appeer in print, but we air corragusly beginning the effurt becawse we do not feel that we air justified in dis appointing a frend of ours, who reeds our stuff neerly evvery Sunday in sted of going to church; he then feels that he has sufficiently punished himself for the sins of the preevius week. and consequintly ought to have forgivness for them.
 We. say that we air riting under difficulties becawse at enny momint a large brunette bumb Ioded with giant powder and trace chains may explode sum wheere in our vasinnlty and send US on a tour of inspectsion of the milky way I have always had a yeerning for astronomy, but my curiosity respecting the inhabitants of uther plannitS is not so morbid that l am specially bankuring for ex- cursion rates by the high explosive route. I am told by those who have loitured round in the immediate nay borhood of a bumb about the time it took nosion do little plain and fansy expanding-that it is by no meens pleasent experience, and that it is practically valuless as medium of travvel in the upper stratus; they admit that it is exsist- ing and all that, but that it is far al fp ha nf fin benefit to those who go up. An in- uonsent bystandur who took q trip up in New York sevverel thousend feet he sed above the top of the Wool wurth building totally without his con- sent and against his naturel inciin- asions told me that his experience was so annoying and unpleasant that he had formed a dislike to bumb ex- plosions that was positively an ob- session. He sed that he had becum so nervous ovver it-that the scratch ing of a match in his presense with out previus warning would cawse him to jump plumb out of his union suit.
 There seems to be lot of peepul in this country who air obsessed with the idear that it is clevver stunt to fix Up large dose of INT entirely surrounded by a job lot of hardware and let CT go'' in the nay borhood of sum persun who has the reputasion of having laid by few milyun bones for a rainey day--or who IS of sum prommininse as an of- fisial of the Guyvermint. In this way neerly evvery time they suc- ceed in killing few total straingers and incidentally perhaps, few school children which they point to with pride as grate accomplish mint and material aid to the glor- jus cawse of freedum. It is but nat urel, therefore, that those of us who possess moor than two dollars and thirty-nine sents in actuel cash. and who have attained suffisient prom mininse in the guvvernmint survise to attract the attension of the in- vestigating committees must at times feel little nervus. When we leeve our peeseful dommisile in the norn- ing aftur heeted and sumwhat an- minated argument with the wife of our boozum ovver the prise of an inn ported hat-we know not but what we may be returned to hur carefully rapped in tissue papur and in such condition that she may find sum diff ficulty in telling for sertain if it is us or the ingreediense for hambur- gur steak frum the fammeriy gro- sery.
 Sumthing must be dun about it. It does seem sumwhat inconsistint that the plain peepul of this grate Nasion who air noted for theere love of tran quillity and quiet should sit round undisturbe dand allow this organ ization of dsturbers to wandur around ovver the country and make large excavasiens in the lancskape and depopulate the township when theere appeers to be no necessity for it. We have added menny amind- hints to our esteemed constitusion- sum of them at times sem to have been rathur hastily and awkardly dun, but if enny mension be maid about aminding the sed constitusion respecting emmigrasion or evven put ting upon the statute books law that would emabul a half wited in spectur to detain for a few hours long whiskured pyrate whose only possession was a rusty stilletto ana a stic.. of dynamite immediately sev- verel long coated patryots in the House of Representatives will throw a series of fits and point out that our fourfathurs themselves weer em- migrants antS came to this country