South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-10-31
MRS. SOLOMON
81 vs.
Being Confessions
Of Wife 7OOth
By Helen Rowland


Ny daughter. by q mans dinner
order. shalt thou know him.
For. as man EATETH so IS he.
Verify. the greatest study ~ woe
mankind is mans appetite. and l
the restaurant the secrets OF his
soul are laid bare. YET. the foolish
continue 10 take counsel with ouue
board
7 charge thee. when a man ir-
vieth thee forth 10 dine take TO
heed OF the things which he saith
but observe warily the things which
ne doeth. F'or by these signs shalt
I thou read his history, his future. an v
, his middle name"
Behold, doth he lead thee 10 the
gilded dens OF the proGteers. and
4 seek TO dazzle thee with his lavish
ness and his knowledge OK cuisine
Does ne study the menu with the
savoir faire OF an Epicurian. select
ing only the rarest and most expens-
I've dishes. whereof thou canst nor
pronounce the name Then. I bid
thee consider him not seriously. For
he is an "Impressionist." seeking 20
make a splurEe.
SO doeth ne with ALL women.
For he doubteth not that the way 20
a wOman's heart is a "buy-way-"
Doth ne pass lightly over thv
wishes. saying. Let NE order for
thee. Little one: for I know what
shall delight theet"2
Then. / charge thee. think well
before thou wcddest him For. per
adventure. he shall dictate the color
of his wifes hats. and the brand of
her tooth powder. and the length OF
her skirts and shall choose her pol
itiCs and her thoughts and her opln-
ions and her morning newspaper for
her. And not even her letters shall
be sacred from him For he is the
petty tyrant OF the hearthstone.
who ruleth over woman in an
little things all the days OF her life
Doth he instruct the waiter cor
corning the mixing Of a salad and
the flavorinE OF "a sauce2 Doth he
wax fussy over the dinner-card %
Doth he complain of the linen and
wipe his silver upon his napkin
Doth he pick a his food and test
IL before eating
Then. 7 say beware OF him. For
ne is the critic the hearth. whom
no wife can succeed in pleasing. and
an egg which is boiled a minute too
long shall plunge him into a brain
storm. and n cup OF weak coffe shat
make OF him am early martyr" All
his days. viii ne snoop In the re-
frigerator and torment the cook. aud
suggest ways OF ma king nIct- sole
from a sardine and an old turnin
and the women or his house shall
know no peace.
Doth he bully the waiter. and cal
the hCad-Waiter into consultation
and growl az the bill and protest 20
The proprietor Then, Beloved. cast
him out OF thy list. forever. For
he IS the Kaiser-in- the home. and
his IS the crouch that knoweth no
brother,
But, If thou dndest a man who
doeth none of these things VIII.
consulteth thy wishes and ordereth
Cheerfuily. who eateth with relish
whatsoever IS set before him. amt
paycth his bin without grum bling U~
complaint. I charge thee. graphic
him 10 thine heart with hooks ar
velvet,
For ne. my Daughter. is OF tire
Tribe called Regular Fellow.
Surely. surely. IL thou weddest
him. peace and coutentmcnt shall
follow thee ali the days ~ thv life.
and thou shalt dwell bon tho House
Of Good VIII. forever.
For "a good digestion. good APP
petite. and a good temper are the
rocks whereon is builIed that hiss-
sed thing. The Perfect Husband
selah.
Copyright 1920