davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

A lightning rod is not a street
car but has 4 conductor.
High prices Is not a track ath-
lete, but knows how TO jump
The public carries no umbrella
for IL always get soaked.
A flea can't play golf but still
it's on the lynx.
The toad frog Is not a baseball
player but can catch a fly.
Many people are not hunters
but nearly everybody shoots bull.
BOB s.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
THE II STREET PARADE.

Though II may seem absurd, ! will
say Just a word about g subject thsts
on my mind; for fear you may look IL
Is not in a book. for they never write
books Of that kind. It's the talk Of
the town. and for many miles round,
come the girls Of all stations and grade,
they simply adore TO meet boys by the
score as they do in the r Street Pa
rade. It's the pride and the Joy Of
each grille and boy. and II appeals very
much to the "stude:" for he does Il
esch day In peculiar way which
might seem to some to be rude.
when down town he goes he wears his
best clothes for he must make a hit
with his maid; at the corner he meets
her and after he greets her. they're
doing the Street Parade. The old
and the young very often get stung
but they smother their feelings and
look for another with whom there's
a chance OF hit As the crowd
passes by he will make a great try and
quickly hook up with some maid for
Ice cream he'll take her and suddenly
shaker her while doing the r Street
Parade. BE II summer so fair or
winter so bare, the girls are out in
their glory; In a manner quite quaint
they powder and paint. like the prin-
cesses in some fairy story. Al some
future day when we're aged and gray,
and youth meath the sod has been laid,
I've got a good 'hunch" that there1i
still be a bunch out doing the r.
street Parade. -CHEVEUx.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
THE CROWS NEST

While the country pursues the even
tenor OF It's way on decreased rations,
IT would seem that Washington, at
least. has one man who has power TO
cause, those Wichita, Kama. elevators
with 175,000 bushels OF 1918 wheat to
disgorge.
As an Indiana author starts writing
a volume on the life Of Harding. we
can't help remembering the Office re-
warded biogrsphers OF tho Roosevelt
administration. and wondering what
our new hopeful 10 going to land.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
DO CHICKENS DREAM?

About that question OF Milo as 70
why chickens do not fall off circular
roosts. let me say we had hen that
fell off one night, probably while IN
the throes OF a dream. and the next
morning we found her hanging by
the neck to nail that had been
driven through the roost. Which
causes me to inquire whether chickens
dream? who knows about this? DOGS
dream. Has chicken TOO littie
brains to dream. r. }. q
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

In the packing industry the
bone Of contention is when to
pickle and when to salt. II w. J.
Bryan went into the packing
bushes his proper sign would
be wv. J. Bryan, Drysalter. No
pickling done here"
F. yETTER.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

The + street
girl should be i'm
pressed with the
beauty OF the dim
pie in her cheek,
because she gem
orally spoils tho
real effect when
she asts busy put
ting In the land
scspe about II.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

As Tom Watson announces for the
senate In opposition to Hoko smith,
we respectfully call the attention OF
'hrt judge In Minncso.a who disausli.
Ned Preacher Kvalo for calling Vol.
stead an atheist.
when " comes to real rivals OF
Arseno Lupin wo soc the Turk as the
leader, as we hear Mr.. Lloyd George
detail that even the Crescent Ia Ill
gotten. lie swiped II when he took
Constantinopie.
--wiLLIAM w. CONRAD.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

Adam was a gambler:
That wasn't very nice.
Quitting the Garden of Eden
He lost a pair-o'-dice.
O. y. BRASHEARS.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

In pursuit OF
tho person who
killed Elwell OF
bridge w h ist
fame New York
now falls back
on the oui a
hoard, an as
sistant TO the
district attorney
reading all oc-
cult contribu =
tions.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
BERTHA II. DURANT.

A girl gave me permission to call
her dear on the ground that every
thing is now dear, and III say she's
dear, anyway you consider it.
w. L. H.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
Old Bill Acolus,

Old Bill Acolus,
" | n d s. walking
delegate. certainly
ordered the men
OF the yacht race
Job on Saturday.
.
ware W h c n
49, c-nAt. come
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

The prohibitionists do not seem to
like the "Cox Cocktail or the Hard
ing Headache" +. W.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
DEFENDS COATLESS MEN.

Take off your coats. men. and your
collars, too, II you want TO. The law
OF nature never intended that you
should be bottled up In straight
jackets during the sweltering days OF
July and August No matter what
past generations have been doing.
there 10 no reason that inflictions
should continue in the future. Wom-
en- have no admiration for the rest
less, uneasy man all dolied up on hot
days. Men who inspire admiration
in the opposite sex are those who cut
tho sleeves right out of their shirts.
turn back the neck bands. and be
comfortable. Those men who cling
to hot clothing and neck ornaments
slide into the class of the one-cylinder
Drained females who wear string furs
around their necks and think they
are fooling the weather. The excuse
that men wear coats out OF courtesy
to women 10 weak and cobwebby. A
man in his short sleeves may be Just
as graceful gentlemanly and refined
as one Gagged up in a frock coat and
striped trousers.
BERTHA 81. DURANT
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
80 DAILY The WASHINGTON TIMES JULY~ 2e 1922
z1nEARl }s|s
By BILL PRICE.

GAVE PROMPT ATTENTION.
Employees In a big real estate estsb-
hshment write that they received
this notice from a colored tenant:
'kiadIy sesa s~aebsdy 90 IL
sSikst. IL IL rasaias very f.st
siss batk-rOsa started tkis morn
Ing,
For fear the whole house would
enter the race the rrm gave the
complaint prompt attention.
Il don't know" he said, what
kind Of leather makes the best shoes,
but / do know that banana skins
make good slippers"
MOLLY AGULA.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
A Eood public.

ity agent could
doubtless do a lot
to revivify the
Vice Presidency II
the incumbent had
had at least n
2.15 punch.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

while We sing the chorus Back
to the Farm" why doesn't someone
hgure out how easy II would be to
get en- back n the country girls
would only open . few msnicurinG
shops.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

We are reminded that somebody
else is going to shoot the falls in n
barrel as We see old Mr.. Prohibition
Party climb into the aged rain recep-
tscle prepared for his lcap-ycar trial,
which this year bids promise OF maxi
ing OF him the finished article,
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

We would like to know why fel-
low always tries To kiss a girl the
first time he goes out with her, In
old times they never kissed until
they were engaged.
MAE and RAE.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

ELEPHANTS COMING DOWN.
As food prices go up there comes
the cheering news that standard ele.
plants. quoted before the war AZ
10 900 are now selling at $3.50 f. o.
h. Penang. No exchanges, no returns.
no c. O. d. H. A. d.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

Demontia vii.
sonia-that's all.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

The Civil Service Commission issues
it's quadrennial warning that Federal
employees must keep their hands out
Of politics. The c. s. c. then retires
for four years.
BY dispensing with a District Com
missioner for several months we nave
saved enough money to I'LL several
holes in the streets.
who knows the exact nnmoer OF
holes in Nichols aveneue, Anacostia'
Must be a million.
FRED 8. WALKER.
TLar. harm in 1921 have a simple
The Washington times., 1920-07-28

Those born in 1881 have a simple
method of recalling their age. Split
1920 thus: 19x20, and you have ~
J. X. S.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
DOTS AND DASHES.

Western Union employees send these
hierogiyphics. which the editor is as
sured will be perfectly understood BY
all telesraphers:
"a z did the Western Union tpiek-
nickers) return so early Saturday
.nsrnoonr Did THOMAS, LYDDANE.
0OLDsrEIN and q. ~. FOoTE II or
take an eutoy ws5 Diamond there for
the baseball. LUNs-FOR-DE guests
and did CALLAHAN the lunch
around. You tell 'em. night letter.
got the bluesr" q. T.
Greetings" TO + street lizards
and cute little "flappies" are sent to
II and s by e. r. NJ, now at La
Crosse, Wis, and by Washington
boys on the u. S. Frederick at New
port, r. ]. The message from the
latter stated that "the cake-eaters on
the Frederick are still going strong.
The Washington times., 1920-07-28
NEXT AFTER ASTRONOMY.

that constitute the subjects OF his
descriptions.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
COMMON COUNCIL
COMMITTEES OF THE WAL ,VATOS
COMMON COUNCII=IAIa-20

COMMITTEES OF THE Wal ,VATOSA
COMMON COUNCIL--19I9-2O
Finance-Hanson, Hayes, Notbohm.
Streets and Lights - Krafczyk, Wood
Marquardt.
Sewer and Water-Marquardt, DeSwarte,
Maschmeyer.
Judiciary-DeSwarte Hanson, Krafczyk.
Fire and Police - Hayes, Hanson. Mar
Quardt.
Plats and Grades - Maschmeyer, Mar
quardt, Krafczyk.
Health, Rules and Ordinances Wood,
Notbohm, DeSwarte.
License - Notbohm Hayes, Maschmeyer.
Public Buildings and Grounds--Hanson,
Wood, Krafczyk.
BOARD OF PUBLIC WORKS
Hanson Krafczyk Wood
MarQuardt Koenig
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
A GOOD MAN PASSES AWAY.
Aionzo =. Kellogg. Well known in
Wauwatosa and Vicinity Dies at
the Age of go Years.

Alonzo F. kellogg was born in Liv-
ingston. New York, February 16, 1910.
and came to Brookfield, Wis, with his
parents about two years later, where
they settled on farm. About thirty
five years ago he came to Wauwatosa,
and UP to the time of his death on Fri
day mo ming, January 10Th, 1920, was
one of the active citizens of this com
munity. He served as city treasurer
for number of years and then as city
assessor, which position he held at the
time of his death. For the past ten
years he has been manager of the
property of Mr.. Frederick d. Under.
wood in this city and town.
He was member of the First Con-
gregational Church in Wauwatosa and
was faithful worker in that organi-
cation and was loved by all its mem
bers. He always seemed happy and al
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23

ways had smile for all and we feel.
as does everybody in this city, that we
have lost friend whom it will be
hard to replace
AS Mr. Underwood says in a tele.
gram received by the widow: To-day
l am mourning the loss of one of the
best friends a man can have" This
is the sentiment of practically all of
our people.
Another name is stricken from the
ever lessening roll of our old settlers.
and solitary woman in the sunset of
life, and lonely home are left to at
test how sadly he viii be missed He
had passed his golden wedding day
and celebrated it but a few months
ago.
The funeral was held from the resi-.
dence Monday, January 10, at 2:3O
O'Clock, with Rev. H. D. Davies, pastor
of the congregational Church, officiat.
ing.
Besides his widow, Mr. Kellogg
leaves one daughter Mrs ellison GA.
sier. Madison, ana a sister, Mrs Har.
vey L. Moore, this city. and three
grandchildren. to mourn his loss, and
many friends in Wauwatosa, whose
heartfelt sympathy goes to the widow
and family.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
SUMMONS.

STATE OF WISCONSIN - CIRCUIT
COURT - MILWAUKEE, COUNTY.
Harry Heating, plaintiff, VS.. Hannah
Heating, defendant.
The State of Wisconsin. To the said
Defendant:
You Are Hereby Summoned to ap-
pear within twenty days after the serv-
ice of this summons, exclusive of the
day of service, and defend the above
entitled action in the court aforesaid,
and in case of your failure so to do
judgment viii be rendered against you
according to the demand of the com
plant. copy of which is herewith
served upon you.
HENRY WAGNER,
Plaintiffs Attorney
F. O. Address, Room 800, 22S Third
Street, Milwaukee. Milwaukee Scum
ty, Wis,
The original summons and COM
plant in the above entitled action are
on file in the office of the clerk of the
above named court.
HENRY WAGNER,
50w6 Plaintiffs Attorney.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
J. R. BENoY. Editor and Prop.
CITY TELEPHoNE CALLS.
CITY OFFICERS 1919

Ma or- Hans A. Koenig
A. v. Brigham
City Attorney Albert B. Houghton
City Treasurer Fred Prudisch
City Assessor Alonzo 3. Kellogg
City Engineer ]. e. Lowther
Supt. of Water Works A. W. Hebbring
Health Com DR.. e. f. Peterson
Chief of Police George BalteB
Justices of the Peace Walter L. <zoen.g
e. H. Bair
Police Justice Walter L. Koenig
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
LECTURE ON MADISON
THE BEAUTIFUL

Mr. Ernest ~ Warner, president of
the Madison Park and Pleasure Drive
Association, will describe the work of
that organization in beautifying Mad
ison in an address at the High School,
Tuesday evening. February Srd. The
lecture win be free. Ii win be illus
trated by stereopticon slides. Ali citi-
zens interested in the improvement of
Wauwatosa should attend.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23

Hanson krafczyk Wood
MarQuardt Koenig
Mr.. and Mrs. Clarence Godfrey spent
last week il Cleveland, Ohio.
Mr.. Leyerette G. Wheeler spent last
Mrs. Wheeler visited at Madison dur
ing the Week.
Our sidewalks have been kept open
in fine shape all winter. Two scrapers
have been kept busy.
The Altar Society of st. Demands
Church, will give card party on st.
Valentine evening. to which all are i'm
vited.
The Woman's League of the Con-
gregational Church is to meet this Fri
day afternoon with Mrs. Chas McCul-
Tough, 157 Warren Avenue.
The 81. S. s. Girls" of the Wauwa-
tosa' Chapter, Order of the Eastern
Star. met on Thursday evening with
Mrs. i. S. Pease. Wauwatosa Avenue,
The body of George w. Philips of
Greene, r. l., formerly of Wauwatosa.
was inferred in the family lot in the
Wauwatosa cemetery last week Fri
day.
St Martha's Guild of Trinity Church
will give a card party at the Guild
Hail. Thursday evening. Jan. 80 All
invited Come and have good time
and help a good cause.
The Mems Club Of Trinity Parish
held their regular meeting and supper
at the Guild Hall last Wednesday eve
ming. There was large attendance
and good program and better sup
per served.
Mr.. and Mrs. L. S. Graves have pur-
chased the house at So Watson Avenue
and expect to make their home in our
ra.dst hereafter Their many friends
and acquaintances will gladly welcome
them to our city.
DIR. d. L. Russell has resigned his
position as resident dentist for Mill
waukee County. On and after Febru-
airy LIST he viii devote his entire time
to his dental practice at No. State
Street, Wauwatosa
While Milwaukes has almost an over
supply of the flu, Wauwatosa has none
that we have heard of and the doctors
report that a few cases of colds, but
no flu, are among us. Precaution
should be taken, however
The question, should we prepare
for the next war;" whose discussion
was postponed from last Sunday eve
ming at 1880 Capt. r. r Johnstone
speaking for the affirmative and Mr..
C. G. Wade for the negative
Next Sunday morning the Methodist
Sunday School at 9:45 and the preach
ing service at IL o'clock The pastor
will preach on spiritual Thrift"
Mrs. W. G. Hyde viii sing. Service in
Moss Memorial at o'clock.
Cheer up, only about three months
more and the grass will begin to get
green. Our stock of old papers is
running low, but we still have a few
left, and when you come in we will
throw in a couple to warm you up.
The Missionary Department of the
Baptist Church will hold it's regular
meeting, postponed from last week, in
the church parlors on this week Fri
day evening at s o'clock. The men of
the church have charge of the pro-
gram.
Mr. and Mrs. n. Wilkinson. 496 Wau-
watosa Avenue, mourn the loss of
their youngest son, Nathan, who died
on Monday night of this week, aged 8
years and 9 months, following short
illness. Interment was at Harristown.
Illinois
Arthur Mccullough has been ar
pointed Lieutenant at West Point, the
appointment to take effect at once.
according to news received by his par
ents on Tuesday. Both Arthur and his
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23

parents have reason to be proud Of his
success at West Point.
The Twentieth Century Topic Club
2:SO P. NJ, at the home of Mrs. G. A.
kurtz, 2S2 Wisconsin Avenue. The
hcstesses viii be Mrs. s. NJ. TuIlgren.
Mrs. G. G. Dreutzer and Mrs. t. ]. Fer
guson. Mrs. w. F. Woolard win give
an address on Americanization.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23
Klttv,s Airplane.

Caroline, my four-year-old sister,
having seen a few airplanes lately and
knowing how they sound from q dis
lance. said one evening: Daddy, do
YOU know our little kittie has an air
plane inside of him?" 'WhyT asked
daddy. Because" answered Caroline,
"every time l hold him on my lap, l
can hear it going."-Exchange.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1920-01-23

Fountain pen on Stickney
Field Inquire 81 Watson Avenue,
Phone wauwatosa 9S9J.
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01
THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH

to
   L. calling the legislature consider the federal suffrage amendment He candidate, would sealed 
 
  obligation
  soidly the country? Judge Cunningham anything ballot 
  polls found the 
  aiding the the Why increase this kind of votng?" is his parting We'll of
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  political prefement And there political coffin before the final
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01
.HOOVERF|SHES
 FOR TOP PLACE IN NEW PARTY
Intimates That People Are After Him to Lead Them
 in Progress

WASHINGTON, Jan. 31.-How does
 Herbert Hoover stand on the cam
 paign being waged by his friends to make him a candidate for president? ?
 Does he wish to run? Is he can
 didate?
 If so. does he wish to run as a ! Democrat, as Republican or as an l independent?
 As a candidate, will Hoover sub | scribe to and run on whatever plat i form the organization leaders of the | party dominating him may bring out | of the convention?
 | These are questions uppermost not only in the minds of party leaders | here, whose campaign plans have been knocked gallywest by the impetus of the Hoover boom, but also in the mind Of every indpyIdual who is fol- lowing political developments even casually
 can answer some of them-not on guess work or dope nor even on the views of closely associated and inti- mate fTiends-but out of Hoovers own mouth. To get the answers directly, l will summarize them first, before proceeding to quote Hoover, as fol- lows:
 Hoover is not actively a candidate but will stand for election on a pro- gressive human platform if such is brought forward by any party and Hoover's leadership demanded.
 He does not wish to run as q Re publican under the present machine of that party or on any platform that may reasonably be expected from that party under it's present control.
 Neither will he accept the Demo cratic nomination unless influences now dominant within that party are subordinated and forward looking liberal human platform is evolved which he believes can win the ap- proval of the rank and file of voters l irrespective of former political affilia- | tions.
 While not seeking the formation of | any third party or now furthering any | division in the ranks of the two domi- nant old parties. Hoover would accept the leadership of such third party on program of his own choosing if, as now seems probable. the platform and policies of the Republicans and Demo | crats deal in the same old issues with the same old platitudes that have marked them in the past There is no doubt" Hoover told me, but that there is tremendous dis satisfaction with both the old parties, both in their present leadership and in their policies.
 "There is a new spirit stirring in the average man, new hopes, new de- sires and new ambitions, both for him. self and for his country. But in the present control of the Republican and Democratic parties he sees no hope for advancement. Both are talking the same old policies, the same old platforms of capital and labor, high
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01
SOMEBODY'S LAURELs THREATENED.

NK/ in the branch the w of Grand folks outside of Arizona the
  artis O
  first able object the
  by the The controversy waxed exceeding and  the honors Thomas a
  thing beside the ordinary we'd excellent" 
 
 
  will not listen and will there music the there desert simple gigantic hole in the earth  prodga with lifted the Maker been created not alone ion of our
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01
STAGE SUCCESS USED BY
 NAZIMONA EOR SCREEI

"Out of the Fog" the latest master piece in which Nazimoya, the distin- guished Russian actress. will be seen, and which will have special showing at the Eagle theater today and Mon day. has been adapted for the screen from her greatest stage success, "Ception Shoals" a powerful drama of the sea written by H. Austin Adams.
 This play, which was produced at the Thirty-nineth street theater. New York, and which ran for two seasons, created worldwide comment, both for it's unusual and elemental theme and for tho supreme artistry of Nalimova $ charaCterizations.
 In Out of the Fog" Nazimova has carried out with faithful eXactness the story which is even more convincing in picture form than it was in the more restricted confines of the stage.
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01
WILL BRITAIN GODRY? F|N|SHOF FIGHT OVER LIQUOR SEENAHEAD| IN
 ADVENT IF AMERICAN WORKERS

back to the old way. That shows the trend.
 ''Pussyfoot" Johnson, the American dry organizer. has become almost a national hero" since he good-humor- edly lost an eye as the result of a hazing by wet students. The vets know it.
 Even the most dignified publications are full of hot talk about the "dry American invasion"
 Jump American Drys
 The British are told that the med ding, puritanical American drys are coming over in force 70 tell the peo- pie what they shall eat and drink"
 American Anti-Saloon league or ganizers are pictured as ambitious dictators-"dry LeninS" take upon themselves the censorship of morals and the curtailment of freedom throughout the world; who assume a holy pose to cover the soft jobs upon which they fatten."
 The drys' chances look good; but they'll know they've been ip a fight before prohibition spreads over Great Britain.
Bisbee daily review., 1920-02-01

It is very important that every pe:- son who becomes sick with influenza should go home at once, go to bed and send for the doctor. This will help keep away dangerous complica- tions and will, at the same time, keep the patient from scattering the dis ease> far and wide. It is highly de sirable that no one be allowed to sleep in the same room with the patient. In fact, no one but the nurse should be allowed in the room.
 If there is cough and sputum or running of the eyes and nose, care should be taken that all such dis charges are collected on bits of gauge or rag. or paper napkins, and burned. If there is diarrhea, great care should be taken to prevent spreading the disease through soiling of the hands, clothing, or bed linen. Practically the same precautions that a nurse takes when attending a case of ty- phoid fever should then be instituted. If the patient complains of fever and headache he should be given water to drink, cold compress to the fore head and light sponge bath.
 Only such medicine should be given as is prescribed by the doctor. It is foolish to ask the druggist to pre- scribe, and may be dangerous to take the so-called safe, sure and harmless" remedies advertised by patent medicine manufacturers.
 If the patient is so situated that he can be attended only by some one who must also look after others in the family, it is advisable that such attendant wear a wrapper apron or gown over the ordinary house clothes while in the sickroom, and slip thls off and wash and disinfect his hands when leaving the sickroOm to look after the others. The patient should have separate dishes, and these should be sterilized with BOILING water after use.
 Nurse and attendants will do well to guard against breathing in dan gerous disease germs by wearing a simple fold of gauge or mask while near the patient.
 (Tuesday we will tell you how to guard against the more common means of catching" influenza.)