davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
wILHELMs THRONE FOR A LODGE

TT HE announcement that the imperial German
i throne is be sold at auction in New York
along with other court trappings and household
effects OF the former kaiser naturally pho-
sophie reflection.
Much might be said about the rnutabnity Of things
human. the OF and the transitory nature
of mundane glory The throne that typifed the
preme royal power of this generation is to be
knocked down" before a gaping crowd like any
other piece of furniture You hear the auction
calling:
"How much am I bid for the HohenzoIIern
throne. occupied for generations by Kaiser VIII
helm and his ancestors. built solid ebony
and overlaid with solid gold and mother of
pearl in intricate and beautiful designs" etc,
etc, "a rare treasure from the viewpoint or
art but treasured highly a historic
relic associated so intimately with the most OBJ
nOXOus Of his age How much I bid
Cioing-Eoing-for the third and time
sold Mr.. Millionaire Spondulix War-Proftecr
of Denver, New York and Palm Beach,"
All, well such is life wilhelm is now an expert
enced wood-choPrer and He may take up
furniture making next and in time make him
throne. and sit in It undisturbed long he
likes He may make duplicates of the original
throne and sell them as souvenirs if his funds run
low. There is a market for such nonessentias but
the thought that this episode will suggest to most
American minds is remote from sentimentaty and
has tc do with simple, neat turn OF poetic justice
Everybody remembers how Wilhelm, in the
height of his arrogance when his victorious armies
plunging toward Paris, said to the American
ambassador:
Il will stand no more nonsense from Ameri-
ca after this war. She has meddled in our af-
fairs often enough"
lie going to send fleet and army at
his leisure, and take and hold New York for billion
dollars ransom-but instead he only sits by proxy
in United States senate bleating for separate
pc.
Heigh-ho! And now his throne is being auctoned
in New York. 1t should be bought up by the popu-
lace and presented Sen Henry Cabot Lodge. the
kaiser's American lord chancellor.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

but they are not based on shar-
ing the tooth-mug, and yawning at
one another across the breakfast
table. Mr.. Weatherby. Give me mod
ern existence. with fits individual res
taurant table, individual drinking
cups, and individuality in marriage.
Why, just because two people love
each other, should they arise, retire.
and breakfast in unison-like a regt-
ment OF soldiers? Why should they
be expected TO like their windows
open at the same height and their
coffee at the same temperature
Why should they take the privilege
of prying into one another's thoughts
and secrets, opening one another's
mail, and borrowing one anotner's
cOllarS?"
"Oh we'll" declared the bachelor
desperately, living too far apart IS
so unsociable. It's like looking at ono
another through the wrong end Of
an OF era-glass.'
And living too close together"
retorted the widow. is like looking
at one another through a microscope
or like getting too close to a pic
ture so that II looks like nothing
but a smudge."
But that didn't bother grand
father" persisted the bachelor. I'm
his day, divorce was almost as un-
known as washing machines and
fireless cookers When two people
married They were one"
"And grandfather was that onel"
interrupted the widow. mo won
der he was utterly satisfied. All that
grandmother had left Of her inGivid-
uality was her toothbrush and her
napkin-ring.
and all that a modern husband
has left of home groaned the
bachelor, is a place 10 keep his
razor and his dress clothes! If you
and ! were married tomorrow,
probably shouldn't see you any oft
ener than I do now"
"Oh yes, YOU should, smiled the
widow sweetly. I'D make II awfully
'homelike' for you"
Would yOu2" murmured the
bachelor hopefully.
The widow nodded.
I'D let you dry the dishes" she
announced magnanlmously, "and
wash the dogs, and take them for
their airing. and get your own coffee
in the morning. and-make yourself
right at home"
That" declared the bachelor
with mock gratitude, would be
almost as thrilling, as living in a
bachelor fat"
AT least, sighed the widow con-
tentedly. "our lives wouldn't get
scrambled And when we did meet
Il would be with a real thrill-like
breaking the 18th amendment"
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
Truth Seeker Meier
Whittier He Tendeth
BY W. II. Auburn.

The seeker never knows where
his thoughts viii take him. The
procession Of sequences IS 80 exact
that once started in any given di-
rection they compel an active inter
est until some. definite conclusion il
determined. and the truth OF the
idea becomes 10 him self -evide ut.
Later placing this conclusion as a
new starting point he sends his
meditation in another direction and
seeks 20 make his idea secure: first
20 satisfy his own mind that his
conclusion f. a correct ole, and thu:
he may 80 explain IN tho future I'D
those whom his philosophy iI-
terests.
The seekers philosophy Is aiwarf
in advance Of his material position.
His accomplishm ents in life are al
ways in the rear Of his thoughts
His advanced thought IS a point Il
attainment for him 20 strive toward.
one conclusion OF thought neve~
satisfies. The same subject keeps
constantly recurring. repeating 0ve'
and over a seeming conclusion.
Each effort brings the idea he
pursuing nearer 20 developme The
seeker knows the whole truth is ale
ways IN advance OF hts effort lie
knows the conclusions OF today az
the starting point OF tomorrow.
He knows. no matter what his I'm
ished fundamentals may seem now
that IN the future new conclusions
VIII be reached and old ones VIII
be further developed. lie strives "a
his utmost 20 see as far as his
thoughts can take him. HIS phiIos-
ophies naturally become a part q
his life. but not all az once. Ha
advances according 10 the thought
he gives. and on the finished facts
he plays the game OF life from his
greatest and grandest viewpoint
which IS the elimination and accu-
mutation grouped TO an intuitits
viewpoint
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
Responsibilities of the Church Increased
Under the Teachings of the Bob Jones ReOiUnI

-
w the last Of The revival including tho
w footing OF the biIl.-south Bend Will
morrow fan back again upon its spiritual
sources with this brace gone: with this uplifting
influence removed, save as II has taken deep root
IN tho hearts Of the people Those who believe in
that OF thing: who believe that the church has
a mission I'm the community aside from the COM
munion and the social functions and that the vicar
ious atonement involves service proceeding from
within out. well satisfaction drawn from with
IN have had their Christian responsibilities in
creased by this revival.
South Bend is going to expect more and has
right TO expect more from the churches-the church
people.-in community interest and service looking
10 the betterment OF moral conditions under which
people must live. the church Is going to drop
back into the least sort OF semi nnocuous desue-
tude. where the evangelist found it, this and more
discredited than ever. Unless enough OF the light
Christian wisdom, and the moral courage give It
force. has brought shine into the souls that
20 70 make up our community population to enable
protesting Christians TO discern the Mestophelean
srins. rnaneuvers. and ways OF shuntng them onto
the sldetrack OF inactivity well. then what is the
user
Bob Jones should be paid well for his efforts How
well he IS paid will be indication OF what we
may expect IN the way Of permanent results If the
If benevolent appreciation IS not shown to have
some predominance over tight-wadism and greed
81 IS not to be assumed that there has been very
much quickening Of the heart Bob Jones will leave
South Bend. having his pearls before swine"
his bread upon the waters" and the announce
ment after the collections will pretty well determine
which
All that the evangelist is to get for his services
IN South Bend-aside from individual gifts volun-
from the collections today All the results of pre-
vtous collections. including the sale of the taber-
nacIe, to pay for the building the tabernacle
There is a little Over-plus, but even that goes TO
local purposes Don't stay away from the tabernacle
meetings today now, just because there is going
be collection for Bob Jones He has his party to
pay. including their expenses while here out Of
what he gets; this and his own expenses and that
OF his wife. son. with the hope that he will
walking He deserves infinitely better than that
lie has been here five weeks. working hard every
day; harder than the most OF What you sup
pose It costs to put Knife and Fork club en-
tertainment for instance?
Bob Jones has done better than 10 entertain He
has brought light and JOY, and hope that Is such
has been his mission. The question IS how wide have
opened the door to let It in? Today, and the
days TO come, it best-and Will in the
same proportions his preaching is reduced TO
practice. IN benevolent appreciation, right living
and moral courage. including the element Of some
sacrhce TO personal disadvantage and Inconvenience
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

but very evidently without any intention the part
OF the high police officials that anyone TO be
convicted. Evidence has been badly mixed through
out. and policeman who insisted upon telling
the truth is in danger Of his job-same as those
who were fred back in the days of the Barrett
transformations OF whisky into water
This mothers story is only conArmatory Of what
the people OF South Bend have been told. time with
out number during the past two years-and the sur
face is still unscratched. This young man to whom
she refers is only one. and the gambling hell to
which she refers is only one, and gambling hels
only type Of vice resort. Is there power
in government or spirit in people com
petent TO interfere?
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
A LIVIN WAGE FOR EDUCATED PEOPLE.

hang on fer life thro' being less
favored as Z looks or fer other reas-
ons. But they'll allus feel sour an
resentfuL Our teachers are teachin'
temporarily an anything that's done
temporarily haint done very good.
Take tn case o. Elmer Moots, who
resumed teachin' when tn o. K
livery stable burned an resigned
when tn Acme Garage opened up.
A sterlin' educator wuz lost L tn
community because he seen a chance
Z lift himself up. He only taught
school as a last resort Look at
Wilbur Mopps! He wuz tn principle
of Slaty Heller school an ran off
with a circus. Let US make teachin'
attractive so our boys an girls II
take il up as a profession on tn
same plane with hod carryin,' bar
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
Mrs. Solomon Says
Being Confessions of Wife 700th-

and discover what she wantethl
For, as yet, no man hath ever
succeeded IN pleasing a woman!
10, seven damsels may be de-
lighted with orders from the florist,
and seven more may be contented
with burnt offerings from the con-
fectioner. But she who is 1T in my
affections how shall I satisfy her?
For. behold, If I offer her the
jewelled wrist-watch, which my
fancy dictateth, and my generosity
prompteth, will she not say:
Aha! He is serious! 1t Is better
than a proposal OF marriagel"
Yet, 1 know not, myself, whether
/ am serious-or only dazzledi
But, If 1 send her the imper-
sonal umbrella or the non-commit-
tai set of Kipling. will she not weep
and gnash her teeth as one who
hath found a switch in her stock
ing?
will she not return II, saying How
dare your?
yet. if I send her the simple
but tasteful remembrance, will she
not write me down in her heart as
cheap skate?
Where then, do 1 alight?
Verify. already. I am as one that
wonderful in a mist, helpless and
blinded! Counters, and clerks dance
before my eyes, and am seized with
dizziness, at sight of a shop-windOw.
Then, guide me, Oh spirit OF
wisdom. over this troubled sea, that
1 may neither be shattered on the
rock Of my beloved's wrath, nor
caught in the whirlpool OF matri-
mony, but may come out on the
other side, safe, sane. sound, and
still SINGLE
For, alas, the way of a lover in
springtime is harder than a food
profteer's heart. and sadder than a
holiday dinner !n a big restaurant"
Selah
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
WHY Men Don't Understand Wome1,
AS A Woman Thinketh-

and at the same time to make a
living for her.
She wants him to- be strong
enough 10 have made his own
career. IN the past-and yet weak
enough to let her map out his future
for him.
She wants TO be able 10 make a
hero OF him with one hand-and n
fool Of him with the other.
She wants TO be the angel" who
appeals TO his higher nature and. at
the same time. to murder all the
women who appeal TO the other
nine-tenths OF him.
She wants him 10 tell her moth
ing but the honest truth-and. al
the same time. 10 swear that she IS
the only woman he ever enjoyed
kissing.
She wants him TO trust her alb
solutely-and, at the same time, al
ways TO be a little jealous-never TO
be quite sure OF her.
She wants him 10 caress her
with one hand-and 10 win battles
write checks. and make himself a
power in the world. with the
other.
She wants him to be frugal. eco
nomtcal. and provident-and at the
same time 70 tip the hall-boys and
walters with princely prodigality.
She wants him 70 be the sun,
moon. and stars OF her existence
and at the same time 70 serve as an
umbrella on rainy day.
She wants him TO understand
her-and a the same time 10 think
her the only sbsOlr'~ir De-fAot v-or1-
an in thc world
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Professor Alex Tansey. who re-
signed as principal o. tn Apple
Grove school I become tn jani-
tor o. Bristle Ridge school Z git
an overcoat, addressed { Cham
Der O. Commerce, last night, an
urged a Twin wage fer educated
people. Fer, said tn Professor,
if neither school teachers or those
hey educate are L be paid Twin ex-
penses why tn schOOlhouse ," TIL
Professor said too many Of us take
up school teachin' L make a little
pin money Look in on any school
teachers convention! Seventy
percent O. tn teachers you see III
De married before tn year is out
they haint adopted teachin' as a
profession, but as a steppin' stone.
IN other twenty-five percent may
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

BERN plumbin' an other profitable
callin'S An let us open tn door O.
opportunity L educated peoplel Look
at Winsor Kale! Winsor kale grad
uated from Apple Grove school with
tn highest honOrs. Fer lack o
something better he drove a dressed
poultry wagon in Toledo, Ohio. He
went Z college with his earnin's.
Then he cleaned wall paper fer a
spell. Then he applied his savin's Z
attendin' another college. Then he
become tn agent for tn Excelsior
Rubber Collars. Then another term
in college an so on till he'd earned
his way thro' four colleges. T'day
he's an authority on bee culture
without a peer in his chosen pro-
fession or an overcoat. He's not
maxim half as much as he did with
his 1914 pre-war chicken wagon
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Why can a man never understand
a woman,
When it's so easyl
For instance
She always wants TO be the last
woman in a mans life-and yet, she
wants him to make love TO her ex-
actly as though she were the first.
She wants him TO regard her love
as a priceless treasure-and yet, 20
be eager TO pay her bills and ready
70 come across with the alimony.
She wants him 10 kiss her with
all the artistic tenderness OF a prac-
ticed Lothario-and with all the en-
thusiasm of an amateur. She wants
him TO coddle her and treat her like
a spoiled baby-and at tn same
time 20 permit her 10 mother" him
chaperone him. and act as his food
censor.
She wants him TO pat her on the
head-and at the same time 20
kneel down and kiss the hem OF her
garments. with reverence.
She wants TO tell him everything
the minute II hapL ens-and at the
same time she yearns 70 be regarded
as a deep dark, fascinating mys-
terry.
She wants him 10 pay for her
permanent wave" and 20 buy her
idiotic little hats az insane prices
and yet 10 believe that underneath
these. she has brains, ideas. and
sound political opinions.
She wants him 10 dress like a tall
or's advertisement. wear his hair
like a poets, make love ike a NOV
ing-picture idol. dance like an angel
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Job. He don't make a third as
much as carpenter Joe Spry. who
quits work in tn middle o. tn after
noon an don't even know who Lin
coin wuz. much less Lafayette an
others. Their must be some premium
on education or folks IL quit monk
eyin' with il. No wonder so many
professors have Their own ideas
about tn distribution o. wealth in
this country. No wonder some Of
our professors an teachers have ad-
vanced ideas. Anybuddy that's tried
{ keep dressed up on nOthin' knows
what school teachin' IS"
"A Teller washed my car tn other
day thatd won tn standin' broad
lump at Harvard" remarked Tell
Binkley { a friend at tn close O.
tn meetin'.
Copyright 1920
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

pICuleeI utdEls
"Oh, matrimony," saith the
lover" hear now the springtide sup
plication of one who walketh amid
snares and pitfalls and raging
womenl
Verify. verify. this is the hour OF
wOman's delight, and OF mans tribu-
lation!
For the husband is beset with
bills, the bachelor is beset with fears
and with loneliness. and the lover
is beset with temptations.
Then, give me strength and wis
dom. that 1 may face the dangers of
tho mistletoe season, without finch
ing.
For. I know in my heart, that If
l kiss my beloved, when she stand
eth beneath the bough Of tempta-
ton. 1 shall speak the fatal word
And I am not yet prepared in pocket
or in spirit, for the halter, the
snaffle, and the curb!
~ ct, if / do not kiss her, I shall
be cast out into oblivion. and shall
be known in the land as cold feet
and as cad
Deliver me, I beseech thee, from
the bitter loneliness Of the single
focter, this springtime; yea. spare
me from that 'nobody-loves me-
feeling! For il IS the false sign. by
which many a sentimental free
lance hath been lured from the
open, into the everlasting Union!
spare me from wOmen's junk
From Della Robbia plaques, and
new art candlesticksi From hand
made slippers which are always too
small, cravats which are always too
lurid. and pipes which are always
unsmokable, oh deliver met For, l
have done naught to deserve them!
Above all, show me the heart
OF a woman, that l may look into It.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

get close TO one another-to
share"
Yes" broke In the widow, lin
order TO share their hopes and am
b4tions, and joys and sorrows and
dreams and ideals! And then, they
end by sharing nothing but the
towels. brushes. clothes closet and
medicine cabinet-and lighting over
those At least they used to. Spiritual
intimacy. spiritual closeness, Spirit
ual oneness are the most beautiful
and wonderful things in the world
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

and thus preserve their proper per-
spective on one another. At least
they escape the hideous old Victor
ian fashions of Yamily breakfasts.
community tooth brush holders.
and the morning reveille. The pri-
vate bath and the continental break
fast and the modern marriage have
done wonders TO help preserve the
individuality of the human being
and keep romance alivel"
But" protested the Bachelor, "I
thought people married in order TO
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
SEN. LODGE AND V. P. MARSHALL.

THAT Washington astrooger who discovered
4 lunar -diurnal connection between the initials
of Henry Cabot Lodge-H. C. land those of the
High Cost of Living, sensing the senator's OBJ
jections to the League of Nations covenant. lest
permanent Leace be restored and war profteers be
given a last and everlasting jolt had his head saved
from being smashed, so the dispatches say when
Vice Prest Marshall in the midst OK the mad debate
moved to still the troubled waters that
quilting the senate anti-League majority.
THE thing that the country really needs" said
the vice president piping-in. lis a good fve-cent
cigar" and at last the vice president has for once
deserved well a contributor to the wit of his
country-or would have had he said that and
stopped there. For thing, he varied the pro-
ceedings with little innocent hiarity" saith the
dispatches. which is reputed very good for every
body. in congress and out. in these tight-drawn
times And then It is precisely fve-cent cigars and
nine-cent sugar and stockings at three pair for 81
and POTATOES at 81 a bushel. which this country
does need.
1t doesn't need a lot Of high flown. high priced
ranting doesn't need lot of deep psychological
discussions 1t needs necessaries of life. like cigars
co. at reasonable prices; like cigars, and Coco
Coas and soda waters. and gum.
Mr.. Marshall could just go little further and
make some equally simple suggestions to how to
the things really need. he would not have
to be nominated for the hall OF fame; he would
find himself living there,-but then. at Richmond
Va. more recently. find him making a different
bid, too In more serious vein-in which he would
hinge hopes light wines and beers" The
astrological association of the initials W. and
BIO that phrase IS. IN lunar-diurnal parlance
significant OF a combination OF "light-weights and
buns"
But then It Is natural for a man to indulge in
the Illusion OF his hopes. Patrick Henry knew that
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

A sweetheart talking nonsense on
a moonlight night, and a husband
talking finance on a rainy morning
are so different, that one has %
pinch oneself in order 70 realize that
it's the same man.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Now watch the spectators try to corner the saw
dust supply.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

The more read the doLe written by political
experts the less know about the political stu
alton
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

The long-sought peak of prices" will probably
be reached about the time the peak Of
wages.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Maybe reason the senate defers confirming
the appointment Of Postmaster Gen. Burleson TO
the international communications conference that
IL has had much experience with his handling
OF national communications
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
WTDOW-CISNfS.

A pessimist is never actually un-
haT py-there are too many things In
the world going exactly his way!
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Now that apartments have
shrunken 20 the size Of a hat. and
hats are almost the size Of an apart
ment, where shall we keep the dog
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Platonic friendship Is that stage
Of love, at which a man is still Won
dering II he dare kiss n girl
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16


rier By Is bsyOna
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Consult your husband about his
tastes in food and his meal-hours.
but never about your own clothes.
II you must consult somebody about
your own personal affairs-oh well.
consult an aIienist.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

The way Of a lover, at spring
time is harder than food
prcfiteers heart!
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

Marriage is not a failure. Some
husbands and wives may be failures
but so are a lot OF sculptOrs and
artists and writer's and others re-
curing a highly specialized genius.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

The thing that has driven more
women 20 take the train for Reno
and more men 20 take the down
ward path. than anything else. Is
the tendency 10 substitute German
Kultur for French politeness. after
marriage.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16

To the average mother, Leisure"
Is that sweet interval. IN which all
the rest OF the family are busy try
ing 70 find something else for her
70 do