Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-12-12

as much as to each get one of these
I'm them where you put down faie
score is just as good as new.
Two of my other brother-in-laws
lives in old Chi. one of them on the
south side and the other out In
Evanston, and here is the way l am
going to fix them up: The one that
lives in Evanston gets off at Main 81.
which is the same station where ! use
to get off when l lived there in 1917
and amongst my belongings l have
! ran acrost c. and n W. suburb tine
table from Chi to Main st. and vice
versa and they's no reason to De.
ilieve the schedule should of changed
hut very little in that length OF time,
SO what is the matter with me give
ing my Evanston brother-in-law TINS
cunning time table as it happens lots
of times that a man Hveing in the
suburbs can't ind his own time table
and even If he has got one you can't
never have too many OF them in the
house.
NV brother-in-law that lives on the
south side is a bird that is cuckoo
about music shows and its a good bet
that he will see the Night Float vile
it's in Chi and as luck would have u
1 saved the programme from this
show when / seen it in N. 7. and they
tell me it's the same east you might
say, and how many times have you
went in late to the theater and the
girlish usher tell you they was All out
of programmes and You are ike A
chicken with its tongue out, and this
is what is libel to happen to my
brother-in-law and wife. but IL he
has got this programme in his pocket
he can give the usher the horse laugh
as she deserves. So that is what my
brother-in-law on the south SIDE OF
Chi is going to find in his old sock
xmas morning is this programme.
Another brother-in-law l got lives
down in Indiana and often goes up to
old Chi to get the air and sometimes
when he wants to stay over night,
him up has all ready got too darn
much Co. and half to send him to a
hotel. Well I am going to mail this
bird the key to Room 1914 at hotel
in Chi and then he can jump right in
the elevator and go to his rm. with
out monking around no fresh clerks
desk or tipping bell boy to carry his
other collar and night gown.
er-in-laws is a engineer in Detroit
and a golf nut and kind of absent
minded and they's no telling when he&
will find himself on the LIST green and
find out he has forgot score card,
so / am going to send this guy ele-
giant blank score card that / got out
to the Engineers golf club here on
Longs Island and it will tickle him
on acct of comeing from Engineers
club and it will also give him just as
good service as one of his own clubs
cards as they al got the same No. OF
holes to mark down and columns wide
enough to acomodate figures
My Indianapolis brother-in-law is
just takeing up golf and he is one OF
these kind of birds that always goes
and no doubt has often wondered%
what the insides of a golf BAH looks
like SO / am going to send him one
that l tried to put back spin on it
with a maShie.
Lack of space prevents me numer-
ateing all the articles l am going to
give my other brother-in-laws and
sister-in-laws and etc. as well as
friends that don't boast no relation
ship, but it wouldn't be right to leave
most interested in at xmas time name
ly the wife and kiddies. The wife is
now in the throws of furnishing the
heavily mortgaged home and has be-
came a great collector of curios and
I have found just the thing for her in
the way of rare old prints. namely a
reciepted bill. for 102 gals, of gas at
II cts. per gal witch was handed
down by my great grandfather
through or Z generations till it
finely got paid.
AS for the kiddies. is they anything
in the world that brings the smiles
to their little mush like candy? And
in my desk is pieces out of a box I
bought on the train in Cleveland just
after the world serious. aged in the I
wood 2 mos you might say and will
last them all winter.
This will give my readers a idear
of how 1 am going to handle the
xmas problem this yr. and they can
do the same il they will just go
through their trunk or desk and dig
out what might be white elephants to
them, but blue zebras to their kith
and kin. RING w, LARDNER.
Longs Island, December 10.
Copyright, 1870. by the Bell Syndicate. Incl