Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-09-30
THE STORY TELLER

THE STORY TELLER A.
CUTS AND COSTS
A little girl took her tiny brother to
have his hair trimmed the other day,
and when he was seated in the chair the
barber asked his sister what kind Of a
cut was desired.
please, mister" said the girl in a
scared voice. IRA like you to cut on as
much az you can for ten cents."-Boston
HER AIM
Mr.. Higginson had been away from
home for a. week. and on his return found
that burglars had visited the house, and.
although one had been wounded, they
had succeeded in getting away. "And
40 you shot a burglar while alone and
unprotected?" ne said to his wife. You
are a brave little woman! What be-
came of him?' The other man carried
him on" she replied. The other mani"
he asked. Yes" she said. "the one I
aimed at"-Ladies' Home Journal.
TRULY ORNERY
Down In the Carolina mountains a north
ern traveller came across a mountainser
who was having more than the usual
dif1iculties In persuadlng his mule to pro-
coed. Arguments. cursing and beating
were of the customary no avail.
Stubborn" inquired the man from the
North
The nuleteer wiped his forehead.
Stubborn" he calculated. Say. mis-
Yer, that cuss lie so mean%that when his
hind legs are pushing his front ones are
walking backwards. THE American Lee
gion Weekly
OUT OF PLACE
Two doughboys. one white and one
black. were hopelessly lost out in No
Mans Land. After darkness had fallen
the white soldier cautiously stuck his
head over the edge Of the shell hole to
take look Whatever see, Boss?" in
quired the other. you can't see your
hand before your face. it's SO dark"
Look -a-here, now, white man. expostu-
lated the negro. dis amt no time for
personalities, All amt askin' you what
All KANT see! Abs askin' you what you
can see, American Legion.
JUST AS DEAD
Why do you turn out for every road
hog that comes along?" said the missus.
rather GROSSLY. The right of way IL
ours. isn't itr'
"Oh. undoubtedly answered he, calm
~. As for our turning out, the reason
Is plainly suggested in this epitaph which
appeared In a newspaper recently:
Here lies the body of William Jay
Who died maintaining his right Of way:
He was right, dead right, as he sped
along.
But he's just as dead IL he'd been wrong"
Boston Transcript.
GET A FRESH DECK
1t was midwatch when the recruit took
the wheel for the frst time. The ofncer
of the watch pointed out a start and In :
structed him to lay his course by it.
Some time later he returned.
Jones'" he asked, are you still on
| your course?"
| Please. SIR asked the recruit plain
lively. can ! have a new star? I pass
| ed the other one long ago. Tho Amer
ican Legion Weekly.
AND ONLY THEN
| We'll. professor" inquired the young
musician, "how do my compositions please
your"
why. l think" responded the older
map. that they may perhaps be played
when Mozart. Haydn. Mendelssohn and
Meyerbeer have been forgotten"
"Really?' exclaimed the young musi
| clan in ecstasy.
Certainly, but not till then" remarked
the other.-New York Globe.
WRONG LOCATION
Mr. Brown was until recently q dea.
con in the Methodist Church In his
town. But recently he not only with.
drew from his honored position but
ceased to be as regular an attendant a
church rs formerly. The minister. who
came to call at the Brown home. de.
handed the reason for this failure. MY
rheumatism is much worse than It has
been for years." Mr.. Brown began, land
/ cannot walk so far" Tut, tut.
! laughed the minister. IT believe 1t il q
lack OF religion" Sir" Mr.. Brown drew
heart-not in my egs."-Indianap polls
News.
| fhACTlCAL PRAYER
The mother was a bit puzsled by heI
young hopeful's insistence that the cook
be present when she said her prayers
why, Violet. are you tired of mother?'
was her reproachful query.
mo. mums,p answered her daughter
loyalty, but want Annie to be around
while I'm sayin them, cause last nigh,
prayed for ice cream for desert. and
we had bread pudding. The American
Legion Weekly.
AN ACCOMMODATING ORGAN
Judge Gray, down in Mississippi, wal
about to adjourn court when an old col.
ored man OF his acquaintance moseysd II
his countenance showing worriment
ledge" he mumbled, "mah conscience
done trouble me. Is yo' got a charol
Against me?" why. no, uncle. haven
any charge 'Jedge. nah conscienc.
suttinly am disturbin'. Yo' amt missed
a couple Of yo' chickens. has yo'?" NO
uncle. ! haven't, but even II there were
q couple gone wouldn't know it. nsve,
count them." Don nebber count em
Mah-h-h goodness! Nah conscience an
Appsased. Good day. sub. good day.
American legion Weekly.
I HIS AMBITION
A messenger boy in the Broadway Of