The Coconino sun., 1920-08-13

luil O1 pulls ana the oHSpflng or a call.
 Hush, hush, baby; don't you cry,
 We'll be a senator bye and bye.
 News of the utmost importance to this city and county was contidentially divulged to The EDITOR of The Squeaker this week by l. M. Bunk, prominent garbage collector of Belin, N. M. The EDITOR of The Squeaker and Mir. Bunk were catching kitty fish in the River de Flag when the latter grew confidential.
 "My purpose in coming to this city" said MT. Bunk to The EDITOR of The Squeaker, is to look over the ground preparatory to organizing a corporation to build railroad from the top of Sunset mountain to the top of OLeary mountain.
 "This railroad will have immense bearing on the development and growth of Bald Knob. Both termini being within short hiking distance of this city, everyone who travels over the new road will reach and leave it by way of Bald Knob.
 "The road is assured of financial SuCCtSS llRHl dl llc Sldttp MI. told The EDITOR. "The freight busi- ness will be enormous. SThe country through which the road will pass IS particularly rich in cinders, a staple commodity used in the manufacture of tracks for sprinters, and there are billions of tons of rock, much in de- mand on the Atlantic seaboard and in Patagonia for building. Also, vast areas are covered with loco weed. Loco is readily eaten by cattle, and scien- tists have recently discovered that if the cattle are killed after eating the loco and just before the process known as chewing their cud, and loco-then in a partially digested, pulpy state is removed and pressed out before fer mentation sets in, it makes an ideal paper, exactly suited to publishers Of a certain class. Of course, care must be taken to prevent fermentation, for that might put some life into the pa- per.
 "So, you see, Mir. EDITOR, our pro- ject is of direct, vital interest to you" Mir. Bunk said, smilingly.
 eve at first planned to build a bridge from the top of one mountain to the top of the other, to entihely eliminate grades" MT. Bunk contin- ued. But this plan has been reject, ed in favor of one more feasible and which will result in total elimination of all expense that otherwise would be necessary for motive power in oper- ating our trains. The new plan IS so simple that the chief thing that is wonderful about it is that it hadn't oc- cured to our engineers sooner. l will explain in detail, assured that it will especially appeal to your type of in tellectuality.
 "We will operate the trains entirely by gravity. To elucidate: A train running down a hill gathers momen- tum enough to carry it up another hill. That is our secret in nutshell. Trains starting from the top of O'Leary will gather momentum enough by the time they reach the bottom to carry them to the top of Sunset and vice versa"
 "But," interposed The EDITOR of The Squeaker, Suppose one hill is slightly higher than the other. Will the train gather enough momentum going down the lesser hill to carry i: to the top of the greater?"
 I ton, Mir. EDITOR, and it shows you are person of rare discernment and perspicacity. But we have already considered that problem and have dis covered way to overcome it."
 How" asked The EDITOR.
 "Well, you see," said Mir. Bunk, "the more heavily train is loaded on a down grade, the faster it goes. So, coming down the lesser mountain with a big load of passengers, as we get pretty near the bottom, we will throw out some of the passengers, thus light ening the load, which will enable the train to get to the top of the higher mountain.
 "It will take close calculation, of course, to determine just how many people to throw out, and the number will vary each trip, according to the average weight of the persons dump ed, but we shall weigh each passenger entering the train, and, undoubtedly, after few trips will have everything down to an exact mathematical basis"
 "Shall you be able to finance the proposition? asked The EDITOR.
 "Yes," said Mir. Bunk. At first we Ildu tStlIildJtu lidl tHt Htcucu would be about $3,000,000. Upon go- ing over the route a second time, how ever, we have found that it will re- quire at least $15, 100000. l am going back to Belin at once to float the stock and expect to have it all sold and the money paid into the treasury by the middle of next week and the new road in operation within month."
 Thus again, dear reader, The EDI- TOR of The Squeaker has been en- abled, through his faculty for inspir- ing the great fnanciers to confide in him, to furnish you with this great Bunk story, which, The EDITOR wish es modestly to remind you, is only one of several that we have recently pub lished in The Squeaker, and which we have also, in our capacity of corre- sopndent to the Associated Press, sent out over the wires, thus advertising to the rest of the world the greatness Dall