Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-08-10
There's No Base Like Home
By III. c.. WITWER

DO but commences TO giggle and play
tn misn Ikes hair, a thing he never done
pe.ore with no stranger Joe, in ten
minutes they are havin' the time of
their lives, IL you could Judge by the
augns they're handin' each other on
| ,ne ,IeVel, Ike refused to drop my baby
tiI ms supper got cold and Jeanne tells
me eighty-seven times by official count
| Wnat line homme he is; and when he
does SIT down he keeps lookin at her
across the table til I got to remind him
| we nave sit down to eat
! Well Joe, after dinner IL was quite a
| ieat 70 separate Ike and my baby. which
is playin' on the floor and my baby yells
i tpr tne cops when he is took away from
four napkins over his open-face suit and
won nave " no other way but he'll go
INTO the Kitchen and wipe the dishes on
account Of the maid bein off and Jeann"
says aIterWard she wished he was our
maid because he had the one we got
| lashed to the mast.
] fnly managed to drag him away
Joe, from the household duties and we
81. down In the livin' room to talk 1t
over; atter Jeanne has went to the
fmovies with the dame from next door
70 see Charley Pickford or the like In
Whats Marriage Compared to Di-
xoreeI" or somethin' like that Well, joe
and then he looks around the room and
let forth sigh which like to upset the
] sofa and says he would give his right
i lung II ne had a home like this. and
"aS Well iiiapp.iy I usvs and @ securely wed and etc
and be done with 1t whilst he can, be-
cause the prohibitionists amt got around
70 that yet and he says he's willin, but
That's nothin'." says. Grab on an
other one. They's a coupla hundred
thousand danes in this state alone, not
eountip count the suffragettes. IF one Of 'etn
by me it's different" he says. with
another one of them sighs. "They could
be 10000 girls, oder 1Oo, 100000.
now Buffsoes %Hmt 50 rof many anyhow Up IN
a peaches! Sadie Edelstein is the name
and 1t could be Lillian Russell as far
as the looks go. Her father is whole.
eod set ysu aa 5r9 go that
II you can duplicate It on, now Bry n
way, for. $40 I'll pay the bill myself.
we'll, half of 1t. anyhow! Sadie rs. crazy
from the movies and always she asks
me why amt a hero like Douglas
Chaplin or Mary Kimball Bara and like
that. We'll, | says to her anybody could
take 1t q jump from bridge, oder II
| train and Ehc laughs at me and | says
| III prove II. Well, all right. She's walk
ing past the hotel where I'm living in
Buffaloes and / jump. from the second;
I get arrested and, a lowlife Judge
charges me $40 and claims I'm crazy!
Well. Joe, like to choke to death
| tryin' to o-Ksep from laughin' in his face
o'clock he went home after thankin' me-
coupla hundred times for the dinner.
joe. this bird struck me as bein''
nothin' more than big lonesome Kid
and got to kinda like him at that, so
! thought I'd try and find out just why
the gang was all off him. ] begin by
asltn' Watson and that's as far as l
got.
"Why, the big fathead-he thinks more
of a nickel than you do of your liver
He's tighter than a drum and he wouldn't
give cigar coupon to see Niagara Falls
run the other way. He's workin' mere
for next to nothin' and gyppin' me outa
my job I borreyed twenty bucks from,
| him a week ago and give him my watch
for security and dye think he'll give 1t
up? Not chance! A.
"Nov says Watson. mot yet-I'n,
a little shy. I'm willin' to give him five
now and the rest next week II he'll gim-
me the clock and they ain't thing doin:
I can't understand how you come to fall
for the big stiff, unless he's got some
| thin on you"
'i'Il get that Ike guy today and grab
my watch off of him or he won't play no
baseball for a week, one or the other !"
Well, Joe, at that point who walks
| into the club house but no1less than Ike
and Watson gets up and stands IN front
of him.
why not?" grins Ike. Don't worry,
I'll take care of It like 1t was a baby
and so soon you give me them S2o. It's
yours"
"Iemme see it." says Watson. winkin'
at the bunch. II wanna be sure you amt
| hooked It yet"
Joe, Ike falls. He reaches in his
pocket and takes out the watch and
| Watson makes a sudden grab at 1T. It
drops on the floor and Watson was there
| first. He straightens up. shakes 1t to
] see it's all right, and shoves 1t In MS
! pocket
well, shylock," sneers Watson,
II guess I kinda stuck 1t over on you
@Gimmes it the watch, oder the $40 !"
gasps Ike, pale as cream.
Try and get it. you big yellah nt.. stiff FL" =!
nothin'. You'd take a guys arm as
security for nickel. like that Shylock
guy this feller Shakespeare wrote about
which wanted pound OF flesh. III pay
YOU when I'm darn good and ready
| What are you gonna do about it?'
Well. Joe. Ike gets a coupla shades
paler, but he don't. say a word or do a
thing and the gang all let's forth sighs
| of disappointment because they was
| both Dig guys ana VINO dont reush
scrap? Ike had his hand on n brass
towel rail and he was grlppin' It hard
and when he suddenly turned away
and walked outa the club house that rail
was bent through in the middle like It
had been hit by a sledge.
Joe, I must say I certainly got q
terrible shock when Ike didn't bounce
that big tramp Watson for bawlin' him
before all the gang. l lost no time
aslsin' Ike about It and first he dldn't
say nothin' and then he calls me aside
and says he has swore a oath that he
will never get In another scrap because
he hit n guy seven years ago in Troy,
| N. Y, and 1t was a coupla months before
they knowed whether that bird was
gonna live or not Since then. he says,
| he's ducked any and all kinds Of brawls,
Well, Joe, looked Ike over and let 1t
go at that.
OF course, Joe, you prob'ly no doubt
read about the fire which we had in the
hotel where the club was stoppin' and
how poor Watson which had been
dabblin' with the brew got caught IN
btd and was terrible burned. The gang
all felt bad about it and when the doc