davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Ripping Rhymes
BY Walt Mason.
HIRED HELP.

We used to have a stately butler,
the most impressive gent alive, o
major-domo and a sutler, and proud
domestics four or five. Before the
war they did their duties as good
retainers ought to do; they seemed
to us a bunch of beauties who well
deserved the wage they drew. But
since the times became unsettled
they tried to travel on their gall, and
they became SO highly melted we
had to a them, one and all. AND
now my wife does all the cooking,
rejoicing that the gang is gone. and
/. b~eshrewing and gadzooking. keep
up the fires and NOW the lawn. About
my household tasks l scutte. so gay
1 carol songs aloud. and I'm CON
vinced that l a buttle as well as
any hireling proud. My wife is sing
ing "Annie Rooney and other good
old songs of yore, before song writers
all grew looney, as she mops up the
kitchen floor. Without hired help
my heart is bubbling with harmless
mirth. that makes q hit; my days
no mor are filled with troubling for
fear some naughty maid will quit.
The pies are burned, the bread is
soggy. the meat comes smoking from
the stove. but I'm so glad I'm feeling
groggy, because we fired that grouchy
drove. I do not care two jots Or
TITLES what people say OF us in town;
far better live on ruined vittles than
wilt beneath a servants frown.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
AN IGNORED PLANK.

One plank In the Democratic
platform that Governor Cox did not
touch upon in his speech Of ac-
csptance was that in reference 10
the management of the Post Once
Department under the present ad-
ministration. Doubtless he avoided
It purposely. Democrats who have
rot to lace the people In this cam
paign do not want any more said
about the postal service than 10
necessary. 1t is the one vulnerable
spot in the whole Wilson admins
tration.
Long before the United states en-
tered the war the mails became de-
moraiized. Almost as Dor as
Burleson took hold he began TO
hack and slice in = determined eff
fort to show a surplus for his de-
partment. He did, but he started
the postal service on a downward
course from which it has never re-
eosersd-and never will as long as
fhs blight Of Burlesonism remains
upon it. The war came along at a
convenient time to attract public
attention and furnished a convenient
excuse for the disruption OF the
mails, yet 1t is well known that the
Eurieson blight had hit the service
long before the war broke out.
Complaint by hundreds Of busi-
Hsze associations throughout the
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Daily Horoscope
The stars incline, but do not compel.
Friday, August IS, 1920.
Iro1y-;.bf 1Qo0 bv Tho Mcclure

The stars incline, but do not compel
Friday, August IS, 1920.
Copyright, 1920. by The Mcclure
Newspaper S~yndicate.)
During hours of business this day
the most ~unfavorable planetary con-
ditions will prevail, according to
astrology. Uranus. Mercury, Mars
and Saturn are all in malefc aspect.
This is one of the times when
chaotic and destructive thoughts are
most likely to take possession of the
mind and for this reason a positive
attitude of optimism should be main
tanned.
Suspicious concerning human mo-
tives may be engendered by the evil
rule of Uranus, the planet hat rules
the subconscious mind.
Owing to the posting of the stars
strange messages may seem to be re-
ceived by telepathy and superstition
will be encouraged.
There is a sign that seems to
presage warlike preparation by Great
Britain early in the autumn, and
naval operations are strongly indi-
Gated. This may be but a demon
stration of power, but it will arouse
anxiety in many parts of the world,
the seers declare.
Diplomatic blunders and misunder-
standings are foreshadowed for Great
Britain. but John Bull will not have
a monopoly of mistakes and the
United States may participate in
more than IN complication.
There is likely to be a hot spell of
unusual severity and it may affect
the health of persons much in the
public eye.
Dress again will be much discussed
at this time, owing to some extraordi-
nary fashion that is a sign of chang
ing times.
parents and children may be very
prevalent during this configuration,
for there will be a growing diver
gence of standards and a more dis
tinct line of cleavage as the years
advance.
Turkish affairs will probably reach
a serious condition late in November
when there will be fresh outbreaks.
College women will gain great dis
tinction in a new movement hat will
engage the attention of all classes
and will bring about widespread
benefits.
Nerve exhaustion will be on the
increase while this planetary govern
ment prevails.
Persons whose birthdate it Is should
not quarrel or go to law. Letters or
newspaper articles may cause annoy
anee, but libel suits will end unfavor-
ably.
Children born on this day are
likely to be rash and headstrong.
These subjects should be we'll en-
dowed with talents and should gain
distinction.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
BRINGING BACK ALLEGED
FORGER FROM EUROPE
BY Special Correspondent.

by SpecI1l correspondent.
TRENTON, Aug. 12-On boaru
the steamship Mobile. which left
Liverpool August 6, former Speaker
of the House of Assembly Azariah
M. Beekman, of Somerset county,
who is now prosecutor of that COIN
ty, is returning to the United States
with Jacob Engler. of ~Soraervi.le.
who is wanted in Somerset county
on a forgery charge. Engler, an
official of the Commercial Printing
Company, is alleged to have fed
from the United States rather than
face the forgery charge.
State cambridge Colby for the nec-
essary passports to go after the ac-
cused man, who after a four months
search had been placed under ar
rest in Liverpool. The prosecutor
made the trip Cverseas in order to
make certain. that the right man
had been caught,
Secretary 0s State Colby approx
ed the application for permission to
bring the accused back to the Unit
ed States. The request was made.
out to King George of England. TIE
Department of State set forth that
Engler was under arrest in this
country and according to its rec
ords was a fugitive from justice.
Engler is charged with having
forged a promissory note for $500
and actually obtaining $4.1O0. The
money was secured through the
First National bank of Duns..en.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12


Maybe the brides of 1920 wouldn't
hold their noses so high in the air II
they took a good look at some OF
the brides of 1910.
Some sweet male things gives you
the impression that If they ever got
married there would be two corsets
hanging over the bedroom chair in
stead of one.
What has become of the O. f. man
who used to rest n foot on the rail
while he said: "Fillemupagain,
George?"
1t is a great comfort to a Corn
Fed girl to know that no matter
what the style may be, she isn't dis
playing anything that she need be
ashamed Of.
Some of the brides have discover
ed by thi S time that married life
isn't all fooling with Battenburg
Doiies. A portion of it is devoted
to working with Bed-Bug Powder.
If you want people to take your
them a dollar a word for it.
What has become of the o. Z. wo-
man who used to put her hair up in
newspaper curriers' before she went
to bed?
A hypocrite would not think OF
selling himself to the Devil. He
merely rents himself out by the day.
A mans idea of a good Doctor is
one who will prescribe a pint OF
whisky for what ails him.
The mar who tells you that ME
and the wife never have any trou-
BILE; l do what ! want to do, and she
does what IN wants to do" never
fools anybody. We know that he is
a liar, but we love him.
Why not change the old sons and
make ii run this way: Everything
Is lovely and the skirt hangs high 2
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
ShoveloIogy.


You can make a science out OF
anything. You may remember the
old joke about the Irishman who
said that Hogan was a good SHOW
eler, but he wasn't what you'd call
a fancy shoveler. A big plant that
manufactures shovels has made a
study of shovelology and has un-
earthed some interesting facts. For
instance, a good shoveler should not
pick up a heavier load than 81
pounds. A good shoveler should not
throw more than 10 feet horizontal
lw or eight feet vertically. Shovelers
should have two ten-minute periods
of complete relaxation every two
hours. Shovelers should work in
pairs, not alone. Two men together
will shovel twice as much as two
alone. Now, spit on your hands and
go to it!
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Act On Heating Schools.

SOUTH AMBOY. Aug. ~. = A
special meeting of the. Board of
Education was held last evening in
the office of the superintendent of
schools for the purpose Of consider
ing the heating problem which con-
fronts the board once more. Last
year a great deal of difficulty was
experienced in heating the school
and on a number of occasions the
sessions of school had t be dis
continued. The builders of the heat
ing plant recommend a higher fiue
in order to get more draft. The
purpose of the meeting last night was
to consider this problem. AS the result
of the conference which was attended
by the board, their architect, the
heating expert and some others the
board will advertise for bids to be
received at the next meeting of the
body.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

NEW TRAFFIC ORDNANCE.

Now that the . trafic ordi-
nance In this city has been put In
to force its true meaning is besinn-
ing TO be realized. No doubt there
are some hsrdships caused by its
strict enforcement. 80 much OBJ
lection has been raised. especially
70 the nfteen minute clause, tina:
merchants. through the Chamber
Of Commerce, are starting q move
ment TO have the ordinance chang
ed.
There sre some good features to
the ordinance that ought to stay.
II Is a question. however. whether
fifteen minutes should be the limit
for parking a car along the curb on
Smith and State streets. Not only
do merchants ind It impossible to
load and unload cars in fifteen
minutes sometimes, but It lis argued
that much money is spent in en-
couraging people from neighboring
towns and the surrounding country
districts to come to Perth Amboy
and shop. These people are not all
familiar with the regulations and
not being constantly in touch with
It, are likely to forget even If they
are told once. To have a police
man after them all the time when
they are in town because they hap
pen to be detained in q store for
longer than fifteen minutes. is not
the most agreeable thing in the
world. and these people are likely
to 90 elsewhere where the cities are
not so strict in such matters.
A man coming into the city 70
buy q suit of clothes or to pick out
some furniture for his home and
putting UP in front Of a Smith or
state street store does not want 70
feel that he has only fifteen minutes
in which TO make his choice. If the
store happen to be particularly
busy 1t may be 1--WE or ten minutes
before he can ever be waited on.
Merchants doing a great deal Of
heavy trucking have got to back
their truck to the curb to load and
unload. and the work cannot al
ways be done in fifteen minutes.
There is such a thing a. overdo-
ing these matters. The streets
ought not to be used for storage, 20
be sure, but legitimate business
ought mot to be interfered with.
That some features Of the new ordi-
nance ought to be changed there Is
good q to believe. A try-out
will probably 80 convince the alder
nsen.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

and every tour Of other countries
that he makes is part Of the plan
to make him q good ruler.
England is wiser than we" an
American lecturer points out. at
trains its rulers; we do not"
The Prince OF wales Is n boy
who'll rule a country.
Your boy is another r~uler-to-he.
And your neighbours boy-all the
boys in Perth Amboy.
Is your boy being trained to rule
a country we think greater than IL .
United Kingdom7 Are you. as the
present king Of the United States
and all the other kings we call
the body polite. training the next
rulers as carefully as that young
Prince of Wales?
It's just a susgestion-why not
teach your boy something OF tile
way this government of ours runs?
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Q. S. A. RULERS.

A prince of England visited
America not long ago. Here is a
STRIPPING trained and taught from
his earliest babyhood TO know that
some day he'll be king of the Brit
ons and emperor of India.
Every book he reads. every ride
he takes through London streets
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

country have poured in on the Pos
once Department. but TO all thess
the postmaster general has turned
q deaf ear. Business knows what
il 10 talking about for thousands oi
test letters have been sent out and
the proof is available. Never in the
history Of the country has the mai
service been so bad as 1t is at pres
ent.
When employees who yer per-
forming faithful service found the
cost Of living piling UP without any
increased income and when they
saw wages going up all about them.
Burleson opposed granting an in
crease to the men and forbid them
even TO carry on an agitation in ia
vor Of an increase. The men were
treated little better than slaves.
Finally, when designations of the
best men in the service began to
pour in from all sections the heads
Of the department at Washington
began TO wake up, but 1t was too
late. The postal service of the coun-
try has received a blow that it will
take years to recover from
Even now, after an increase in
wages has been granted-an IN
crease. by the way. that amounts 20
only about $3.50 a month-red
tape in the department has pre-
vented the men receiving even this
small pittance to help meet the In
creased cost of living, at the same
time, due to wholesale designations,
extra work has been piled on the
faithful ones because of the lack
of help. Here in this city, for in
stance. two pay days have gone by
since the increase in pay was grant
ed by congress. yet no authorize
ton has been received by the local
postmaster to give the increase TO
the local post office employees.
Yes, the blight of Burlesonism
has had a deadly effect and the
wonder is that the Democrats even
dared to mention the postal ser
vice. let alone praise it. in their
platform. There is only one explana-
ton. Burleson is the politician of
the present administration. He was
at San Francisco and welded o n
siderable influence. No doubt he in
sisted that he receive this vindica-
ton in the party platform even if
it should carry the party down to
Fortunately for him and
for the party. the League of Ma
tions issue has taken first place in
the campaign and, should the
Democratic ticket win, Burleson
will doubtless point to the clause
in the platform endorsing his man
agement of the Post Office Depart
ment and claim that the country
has sustained him. AS a matter of
fact. if the management of the Post
once Department could be made
the sole issue, the Democrats would
be licked so badly they would not
recover for many years.
Cox certainly has good reaso for
Ignoring the endorsement of the
Post ONCE Department in the
platform when he made
his speech of acceptance.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
The Silver Dollar.

Billy Hughes wants to know what
has become OF the o. f. silver dollar.
He a y he doesn't see any of them
any more. 1t is evident that Billy
doesn't ~patronize any of the big crap
games. He would see 500 of the
cartwheels stacked on one table.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Do You Know Anything?

What is a dado, and why?
Are you a dabster or are you
gauche?
When can you e the pantechni
con?
Why is a gecko?
When is a man crapulent?
Are you familiar with gnosis?
Are you a lurdan?
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Foch Hinted as French President.

PAHIS-Rumor has Il that the
powers that be have decided that
NJ. Deschanel. French president,
shall have another three months
to restore himself to normal
health. II he fails the National
Assembly will elect a new president.
While NJ. Millerand. General Cas-
teInau and ex-President Poincare
were mentioned as possibilities,
Marshal Foch is the likely successor,
according to ex-Premier N. Viviani.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Fire Alarm Boxes

,s-smith Street and Central r. r.
ft-Market and First Streets.
2T-Madison went and Paterson St
ss-High and Lewis Streets
s5-Smith and High Streets.
s6-New Brunswick Ave. and New 81
s7-Smith and State Streets.
47-Atlantic Terra Gotta Works.
<S-Bucklns ham Ave. and Hartford ST.
l~S-Commerce and Front Streets.
4e-State and Washington Streets.
47-High and Washington Streets.
54-State and Buckingham Ave.
b5-Parker 81. and Pulaski Ave.
B6-Hall Ave. and Charles st.
B7-State and Wayne Streets.
5s-Near United Lead Works.
5s-Maurer.
e2-washington and First Streets.
63-New Brunswick Ave. and Elm street
64-Smith Street and Watson Ave.
65-Commerce and State Streets.
72-Front and Smith Streets.
73-Water and Gordon Streets
74-Kearny Ave. and Gordon Street.
s1-Brace and Hanson Avenues.
S2-Smith and Herbert Streets.
STANDBY Ave. and Washington II.
3l-Lehigh Ave. and Stanford Street.
s5-Near City Hospital.
STANDBY and Hall Avenues.
ss-Cleveiand and Brace Avenues.
s2-Amboy Ave. and Inslee Street.
s3-Lawrence n Francis Streets.
94-Neville and Johnstone Streets.
28-Raritan Copper Works.
z4-Market and Sheridan Streets
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
That's What We Want To Know.

The police oficials of five Middle
Western States have asked Major A.
v. Dalrymple, the Prohibition en-
forcement officer this question:
"Why have crimes of violence,
such as robberies, hold-ups. burg
laries and murders increased so per
cent since the Eighteenth Amend
ment went into effect?"
You may remember that the Holy
Joes promised us that Prohibition
would end crime and close the jails.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

Commuters are not mute since
they learned their tickets were go
ing up 20 per cent.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Oh Lei

Billy Wood tells us that the de-
partment stores and drug stores will
soon be advertising for experienced
bartenders to work at the toilet
water counter. Some of the new
drinks are "Roseboozcky,' Lilac
g~inerine'' and "Violetrumyum."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
The Wise FooI

Sage.
yes" agreed the Fool. But the
1920 crop OF June brides is Just be-
ginning to realize the fact"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Aw. Gwan!

ut certainly is queer, you bet"
Said little Tommy Telt;
"A slipper car be leather, yet
1 know it can be felt.
Luke McLuke.
This slipper doth poor Tommy's
gay
And blithesome spirit daunt;
He could not be induced to a
1t filled a long felt want.
Newark Advocate.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

When a man becomes famous he
can always find a movie star to pose
for him.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

To those who continue to ask
Senator Harding where he stands
on the League of Nations: He
stands hitched.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
That Was Our Fondest Hope, Jack,

Another thing we can't under
stand is why the National Prohibi-
ton party didn't hold its convention
at Niagara Falls.-Luke McLuke.
Hope you didn't want it to go over
the falls in a barrel.-Toledo Blade.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

Pullman porters are wondering If
the railroad rate commission said
anything about tips.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
More About Marr-

Mary had a little corn
That kept her in a jam,
And when she tried to wear her
shoes
Poor Mary said: "Oh-mercy!"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
You Can't Fool Georgei
"nneAnn pncf

POSt.J
Luke McLuke says: "Our idea of a
real corr is one that hurts so much
that it gives you a headache" Even
an imitation corn will give one a
headache IL one drinks too much
of Il.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

If Palmer can be prevailed upon
not to interfere with coal prices,
they may go down.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

Even with his recent defeat Gen
eral Wood has it all over General
Villa for political safety.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Orful.

This weather's hot, Lord bless my
soul!
Your clothes you'd like to doff;
But go and price next winters coal,
And you will soon cool of.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Our Daily Special

A Wife Sits Up For Her Husband
So She Can Sit Down On Him.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

An open porch for political pur-
poses makes it dangerous for Sc
cret views.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
You Know Him.

He 1oafs behind in life's hot race
For wealth. But you can bet
That he can set a record pace
When running into debt.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

A betting fol is Oswald Mawk,
His wagons are quite rash:
But. while he puts up lots of talk,
He never puts up cash.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Obi

why do you regard Is as an I'M
lucky NUMBER" asked the Bachelor.
Il was married on the 18th of the
month";" replied the Benedict.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12

Owen Money works for the Knox
vile City Mills, Knoxville, Tenn.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-08-12
Bits ofBy-Ploy

BY LUKE McLUKE
Copyright, 1920. by The Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1920-10-15
ALBERTA NEWS

Mrs. A. H. Andert and A. Ludwig
drove by car to Eden Valley, Mimi, on
Sunday where they will visit friends
for week.
The Misses Dora Zimmerman and
Rena Braun visited friends in Chokio
Wednesday of last week.
Miss Enger of Starbuck has been Civ
ing vocal and instrumental musical in
structions two days each week at the
school. Miss Enger is high class in
structor in music and the scholars and
parents have reason to feel proud to be
able to secure her services.
Mr.. and Mrs. Chris Eystad and family
and Mrs. Edith Ginnow spent Sunday
with friends at Campbell, MINI.
And now comes Cox with a speech in
which he is willing that saving reserva-
tions be made to the League of Nations
covenant The returns from the main
election and the nomination of Tom
Watson in Georgia have just about
taken all the sand out of the Cox forces
gizzards on the League of Nations is
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1920-10-15

sue Hence the Straddle."
The opening dance of the season will
be given in Braun's Hall this Friday
evening, October 18th ito which every
one is cordially invited.
George Farwell, Jr arrived from
North Dakota the first of the week and
is visiting his parents, Mr.. and Mrs. G.
II. Tarwell, south of town.
Miss Viola Gulbranson spent a few
days OF last week visiting her sister
at Starbuck.
Ole Gulbranson returned from Camp
bell Saturday after selling out his in
terests in a restaurant which he re-
Gently purchased, to J. r. Eystad also
of Alberta vicinity.
Mr.. and Mrs. G. A. Gulbranson have
gone housekeeping in the rooms over
the Chris Eystad store.
The Anton Maanum family have
moved into the Gieb Residence on main
street. The former tenants, the
Shepherd family moved to the farm
recently vacated by the Oscar Peterson
family.
The T. A. Maanum family spent Sun
| day with friends at Hancock.
W. J. Braun has been laid up with
sciatic rheumatism the past week.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1920-10-15

one day last week
Richard Tom was a Morris caller one
day last week.
Mr. and Mrs. Richard Tom and fam
lily called at Gust Erickson's Sunday
afternoon.
Mr.. and Mrs. Peter Linstad and daugh-
ter Marion were Morris callers Sunday.
The dance at Bearl's Wednesday eve
ming was well attended and they all
reported having a good time.
Agnes Christensen spent Wednesday
evening with Edith Bearl.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fredie Hawkenson called
at the Syverson home Sunday.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1920-10-15

the Syverson home Sunday afternoon.
Arthur Hawkenson spent the week
end with Lloyd Stensby.
Miss Anderson spent Wednesday eve
ming with Christenson's.
Mrs. Peter Linstad and Mrs. Henry
Hadler called at Christenson's Thurs
day morning.
Wayne Syverson is helping Mrs.
Peter Lamoreaux this week
Too Late For Last Week
Mayme SyversGT1 returned to her home
after working at Wellman's five weeks
Mrs. Henry -Hadler called at her home
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1920-10-15
LONG LAKE

Mrs. Henry Hadler was a visitor at
her home Thursday morning.
Otto Syverson was a Cyrus caller on
Friday noon.
Mayme SyVerson and Geo. Wellman
noon.
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Hadler and fam
lily were Morris callers Saturday after
noon.
Carl and Martin Hawkenson called at