The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-09-10
Bits of Byplay
BY LUKE McLUKE
Copyright, Iy2U, by
The Cincinnati Enquirer.

Bstehal
For sympathy do not beg,
Though I am down In bed;
I'd rather have a swollen leg
Than have swollen head.
Things You Never see.
An ONCE that seeks the man.
A small boy who hates to whistle;
A druggist who hasn't something JUS
as good.
A man who hates to give advice.
Cautious.
A careful man ia have you meet.
His name is Hiram Hudge
This bird would ask for receipt
II he paid you a grudge'
All women are not artists. No.
Yet they make no complaint;
For you will find the most Of them
Can show you how to paint. I.
The Limit. -.
''Foozler Is useless cuss, isn't he?"
said Brown.
YES" agreed Jones' ''why. he
wastes half of his time trying TO scheme
Np ways to waste the other half"
The Idea.
He Is the dumbest OF all men,
Some day he'll choke, hope; W
He asks for an "on-vell-ip' when
He wants an envelope. s
Notice..
Sharp Steele. of Rockhold. KY, has
been appointed head of the cutlery de- 4
partment of the club.
More Trouble.
From now on, with the wimmin vot-
ing. therell be many a battle between
the wife and the husband over whether
the baby will be raised to vote the dem
ocratic or the republican ticket
Why Not?
During the past year the government
paid of billion and half OF the pub
900, 900 surplus. Then isn'tft about time
to do away with some OF the petty,
pocket-picking war taxes" and let
future generation pay small share OF
Music Hath Charms.
Last night the man was petved and
Tonight we see him dance and laugh
The reasons this: The folks next door
Have broke their dog-gone phono-
graph.
feel so good I'd like to shout
There's laughter now In every tone:
The landlord threw my neighbor out
And smashed his dog gone saxophone
Hastings. Neb.. Tribune.
I'm happy. too. wave my hat,
My cup Of Joy will hold no more;
The girl who sang in the next fiat
Can't trill note--her throat is sore.
San Diego Union.
All that's picnic for you guys, y
But listen to my tale OF woe: s4s
The fellow next door, darn mis- eyes.
Still whistles on his piccolo.
San Francisco Bullet tin,
The pianist next door hurt her hand
thought life would once more be
sweet,
She never turned hair, my land!
But played the darned thing with her '
feet. N
Newark Advocate.
oh, Joy! =
You can find Brewer and stiller in
Zebra, N. C.
Located.
The o. I, woman who used to send
the children to tinshop to get strips
OF waste tin for hair curriers' now has
a daughter who pays s35 for a perman-
ent wave. =
Gosh!
AS we announced the other day. we
have expelled Rayna Snow Frost, of
Portland, Ind, from the club. But her
brother. Jack Frost, and her sister, Icy
Frost, refuse to be budged.
Our Daily Special. N
Wives And Installment Collectors
Hear All The Lame Excuses.
Luke McLuke Says
Mother hates to eat In hotel dining
room with father. She knows that the
blame fool is likely to ignore the napkin
and wipe his mouth on the tablecloth.
He'll hath no fury like unto that of
the reformer who finds himself the sub
ject of reform.
The Hi Cost Of Living wasn't such a
much in the old days when a mans
idea of dissipation was going down to
the Dep-po to see No. come in.
A married man has a wife to scare
him and make him keep straight. But
a single man has to rely on his con-
science.
Quit yelping about what you haven't
and offer UP thankful prayer for what ..
you have.
We don't know why. But any old
maid can tell you that II is a sin to
be 30 years old 60
When some couples embark on the
sea OF matrimony the wife does the
steering while the husband does the
owing.
II 1t wasn't for. HIS wife man would
never know that one of the neighbor
grandfather's uncles was once
,rrested for sheep stealing.