El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-02-07
StarOe 4 Years With Herb Hoover
Or Feast Along With Ring Lardner

, Lardner'a Was they ever a time
| when 7 swelled up and told people
outside Of my own family what they
could eat and what they couldn't eat2
( On the contrary. every morning that
I am up for breakfast the wife leaves
the table dureing the salad course
with the remark that she has got TO
I call up and order the groserys- Well
I don't jump up and follow her to the
I telephone and boo every item she or
uers though heaven knows we some
times have vegetables that wouldn't
no more thing OF putting in my mouth
than public mouth organ. One Of
the planks IN my platform viii be
eat for tomorrow you die and I
also plege myself to try and put the
words drink and be merry back in
I that proVerb witch has been all shot
to pieces by the IS amendment witch
reminds me that another Of my planks
viii be that its vs. the rules 10 have
more than II Amendments TO the
O. s. constitution and all the amend
ments upwards OF II IS null and void.
Eat All TOu Pay For.
Yes friends and II you ever come
to the White House dureiug my reEi-
ment and II happens to be meal time
you can stand in the next room and
watch US tear into red meat and sweet
sugar and greasy bacon and they will
be a understanding through out the
entire country that anybody can eat
Whatever they can pay for because /
believe that vile the battle Of Water
loo was win on the cricket fields OF
the University Of Iowa. the I'd. battle
OF the Marne forest was win on the
mission dining room chairs OF the
sweetest OF American Institutions
since the saloon was Wiped out
namely the home
And just / more word about this
bird Hoover Was they ever a presi-
dent OF the [. s that was worth a
DIN that his 1st name was HERBERT
Name me l.
VIII Bryan's Candidacy.
That brings me to the next candi-
date that has recently been egging
himself on namely WIN Bryan who
can dismiss the subject in a few
words This bird styles his self the
great commoner but show ne where
he Is any comm0ner than anybody else
or = as common like I am for
instants- Is II common for a full
grOWed man Of 50 NOvembers 20 like
grape juice better than a drink Is
I II common for a big man that the
newspapers print his articles On acct
OF his name to write his own stuff
l for them to printt What do common
people do2 They play rum and red
dog and the races and get their suit
pressed and drink what they can ger
in the hopes that its at least 90
proof, and they go to girl shows and
shoot African golf and etc Witch
OF Luebe LuluE8 does " III 90 LuaL
makes him conmon7
One Definition That Fits.
Also what is common2 Well my
$3.50 dictionary gives definitions IN
der 4 different numbers and No. 2 Is
the only one witch comes near fitting
Win. 1t says common means usual
or frequent or customary witch he IS
certainly all OF that but so Is bad
weather Of a hole in your stocking or
a baby named u.
No my friends. VIII isn't no COM
mOner than anybody or as common
and has not got no license TO run
under such colors and shouldn't be
spoke Of in the same breathe as my
self though I have got a good deal
OF respect for him ever since he
walked into the press box at the
Republican convention in old Chi 4
yrs ago a3d the band played Rock
Of Ages
Gen. Woods Condidaey.
That brings US back 10 a candidate
who / have dismissed before namely
Gen Wood and only fo- my duty I
wouldn't say no more about him on
acct. Of him being a soldier vile I
stayed home on acct. Of one fiat II.
reminding the public that z little
land Mass. and about the same time
neighbOrhood from alcohol that was
named after the Gen. and there we
will let the subject drop.
Stunning Il all u % vote for Hoover
and you don't eat 90 vote for Bryan