The fool-killer., 1920-01-01
500 Years From
Now.
By a Twenty-fifth Century Man

history about the times and con-
ditions away back yonder in
1915-fve hundred years. ago. 1t
is really very amusing, and
rather pitiful, too. The people
in those days didn't seem to have
much sense. Their habits and
customs were very primitive,
and while they boosted of being
enlightened and progressive,
they never made any progress
toward better living conditions.
There seems to have been a ma
ton back there known as the
United States Of America, or
something like that. We have
lost nearly all trace of it, but it
probably didn't amount to very
much, anyhow.
The United States was first
established as a poultry yard and
became famous as the promoter
of the Plymouth Rock chicken.
1t also had something to do with
the supply of catnip tea at a
place called Boston.
The name of the founder of
the United States has been torn
off and lost, but there are vari-
Gus traditions bearing on the
subject. One tradition is that
his name was George Roosevelt,
while others contend that it was
Theodore Washington. H e
seems to have lived at a place
called Mount Oyster, and was as
sassinated for talking too much.
They had two famous rollers
called the Steamroller and
Woodenroller, and it seems that
they both ran over George Roose
velt-I mean Theodore Wash
ington-or maybe it may have
been Theogeorge Roosington-
and mashed his politics so bad
that they had to be taken out
and patched with Bull Moses
hide.
In those olden times there was
also a country called Europe
which seems to have been peopl-
ed entirely with crazy folks. You
know that was back in the Dark
Ages of the Twentieth Century,
before the Millennium started,
and the way they are said to
have butchered up each other is
almost beyond belief. They had
a substance known as gunpowd-
er with which they could throw
heavy bullets and shells for sew
eral miles and kill each other.
The called it shooting, so the
history says. These crazy folks
would line themselves up ano
shoot at each other for months
at a time, until nearly all of them
were killed. There is no reason
given for such conduct, and the
best historians agree that there
wasn't any reason for it, hence
we must conclude that they were
all crazy, for we can't imagine
sane people acting like that.
We are thankful indeed that
the art of making gunpowdel
and all that explosive stuff has
long ago been lost. We DOM
need them and wouldn't allow
them to exist in this age of the
world. We are living now under
the glorious reign Of Universe
Brotherhood, and we look bacl
with mingled scorn and pity up
on those sayages of the Twenti
eth Century. ..
Those crazy people had a name
for that bloody butchery Of eacl
other. Lemme see-what wa'
it? War? war? war? Yes, I be
lieve that's the word, but yol
won't find it in any of our die
.tionaries today. It has gone on
Of use entirely. The thing itsel
passed away and the name pass
; ed with it.
But while that awful war wa
going on in Europe, it seems tina
l they had something in the Unit
ed States nearly as bad. Recen
excavations among the ruins O
, one Of their ancient cities callet
New York, or Gotham, hav'
| brought to light evidences Of tn
existence of a powerful creatur
known by the name of Million
5 aire, OF Capitalist. There is SOM
J;op,,+o 90 RI yuho+hor +hic opoa