Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-08-28
CHAPTER VII
A WORD TO THE WIVES
Seventh Inning

seventh Inning
out in Lovely California.
Carissima joe: (Whatever that Is y
Well. Joe. here | am prowlin' around
N no less than the state which KEEP
manys the movie actor out of the poor
house and likewise kept Charles Il
Hughes out of the White House. BY
the latter. Joe, I'm speakin' 70 the fac
that California was the final state C
ratify Wilson at the last election we hat
&c nee who would be the victim of the
pranks of Congress for a period of foui
years But leavin' politics to the one
side. Joe, this is wonderful country
out here and the natives Is as friendly
as II they was all runnin' for alderman
and not like in New York, where II you
ask strange guy what time Il Is or the
etc, he will say in a coldly voice
Search me. I'm n stranger around here
myself" and continue on his way.
Me and Jeanne Is only gonna be here
for brief stay, or In the other words
Just long enough to make q few heart
renderin' scenes for our first movin
picture, the title of which is called
Heavens Above 20 like l told you In
one of my many last letters. After that,
Joe, we are goin' down TO Havana or
one of them other So African joints
and enjoy the pleasures OF vacation.
can't tell you the exact post office ad-
dress where we are goin' as yet. Joe,
because naturally hat part of 1t Ia up
to our maid and we amt had a chance
to talk 1t over with her so far.
Well, I will certainly be glad when
areycplanes gets to be more reasonably
In price and I will be one or the first to
buy, SOS that when l got another one
of them long distance trips to mako
toot sweet will not have TO go by way
of no railroad and there's that! We
squandered away the best part OF n
week gettln out here. joe. and | had
no idea America was so large, on account
OF the National League endin' at st:
Looey. II Columbus really found all OK
this In 1880 or whatever the exact date
was. I am forced TO say that as DIS.
coverer this guy was beaucoup. I'll bet
ne could of even discovered why China
should be wildlyfn love with the League
of Nations, hey. Joe?
But at that they Is nothin' like travel
70 improve the mind and strengthen the
education. For instance, on account OF
US Americans goin' across whilst the war
was bein' had Joe, the Germans found
out more about the L. S. than they ever
etc, and bet that the kaiser has wished
manys the time he had read UP on what
We done in l776, 1912 and 1898. instead
OF wilin' away the time 1gurin' how
many Germans had took up life In
America durin' a given period of ten
years, hey? And on the other hands.
Joe. the trip done us Americans lctta
good likewise. For the example let US
take, viz, manys the doughboy and
leather-neck had the idea they was at
the least as many words in the Ger
mans language as they Is in ours. Well
you can see at the glance now ridiculous
that turned out to be. Instead OF
coupla million nouns. verps, adJectives
and the like, we made the sensational
discovery that the Germans language
consisted of only one word and that
was "Kamerad :" which is spoke with
both arms extended upwards and l trust
the college professors will see this and
not go on teachn' "Guten morgan mine
herrin'!" and the etc, which turned out
TO be OF no use to us durin the time
we was the Germans guests at war.
Wei. Joe by the second day OF the
voyage l have talked over every subject
in the world with Jeanne and like Will
son and Congress we agreed on nothin
and I have read the timetable over I'll
at the drop OF the hats I could rise and
sing II, not that nobody asked me to.
Well, l went out 10 the smolSin' room
OF this Pullrnan's car which was named
by the guy which has charge of
christenin' all the apartment houses. ho-
tells, oceans liners and collars. It bein
called the "Ordopolis" or words 10 that
effect and they was four guys slttin'
there quiet and gloomy havin' evidently
lied themselves sick. Joe, the ground
and lofty lies which is gave birth to in
Z the smokin' room of a train or a ship
would make Annie Mas seem like George
Washington. I don't know what does
Z n, but 1t seems that the minute nor
rnslly truthful voter lays back In them
cushions with somethin' in the smokin
line in his mouth and a strange victim
sittin opposite, hA Immediately begins
20 reel Off adventures he has partaken
of and etc, which II they was only one
half of I per cent true would have Rob
inson & Crusoe. Davy Crockett and
General Custer loOkin' like white-liver
stay at homes. The minute he gets out
into the fresh air he becomes honestly
and trustworthy again but whilst he's
IN that smoktn' room I'll say he swings
q mean tongue
Joe, these four babies which has no
doubt run dead heat for the chatter
championship OF the world. looks up at
me kinda hopeful when I darken the
threshold with my presence, because
here was some new material TO work on
and the guy sit next to Is determined
ne amt gonna be left fatfooted at the
post.
"Goin' far?" he says, with the unmis-
takably train liars glitter in his eyes
will still be standn' when get through
I'm checked 10 Los Angeles"
"Umph," he says. chewin' away on
his cigar; Great country that-great
country Ever been out there before >,
that the engineer will find the burg all
right. He ain't missed a town so far"
"Ha, ha :" he says, That's good ;"
greatest of care. Joe. and the other three
guys does the likewise.
"Travellin' man" SAYS the first guy
whilst the three-man jury leans forward
70 hear my confession.
"As a matter OF fact, I'm a actor" I
says, with a cheerfully grin
He gimme another careful inspection
and then he says.
"welI. YOU don't look IT,"
"I amt tryin 10 :" I admits and de-
votes the rest Of my attention to the
timetable,
one Of the other gus released a
snicker but this baby was game
'Vaudeville'" he says
"Thatll come later" I says. nv goat
commencn' TO rear and pranCe under
this here civil service examination.
Right now I'm mov'n picture addict -
We'll, we'll w"ll' '' eXclatms this guy,
sittin back and gam at me with open
familiar look You're not Douglas Fair
banks hv any chance. ara vou?'
Joe, that was about all ! could take.
would ask me II I had any letters on
, me ] could let him read to vile away
. the time
r mo, says. "r Amt DouFlas Fair
sAbanks-Im Mary PiCkfOrd. J checked
,amy curls in the baggage car no more
te.han I got on the train Z"
b At that Joe, the other three guys bust
out in hysterically laughter and this baby
one Of the other pests Immediately
leans over 10 M.
Nov this l~re League OF Nations
is--" he begins.
Il don't wanna hear no off color
stories :" | shuts him off with a wave OF
the hand
Two down
Boob number three Is next
MY names ''l3'kins, he says movin
over and present!r' me with what he no
doubt thought Sas pleasant grin, I'm
with RabnOwitz & OReilly Of Chi
cage. the big ppy concern.