El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1920-04-24

When I ask &c, whether ] should 20
10 the masquerade ball as Portia or
as Carmen. It answered fTESen
meaning, explained the Bach elor.
Eallantly, that you are both clever
ana charming Presence OF mind
doesn't ALWAYS indicate absence OF
beauty you know
The Widow thanked him with q
smile but appeared unmolified.
And when I asked it," she went
on IL ] should marry again. it an
EFered Ask B-r Now. who on
earth IS By I've thought OF Bhudda
and Beelzebub and
I've got iti" broke in the Bachelor
waving his cigaret, b stands for
Bachelor Why don't you ask me2"
And pursued the widow, iEnor-
ing the suggestion when asked
it where you were all during supper
and three WaltEes and q fox trot. last
night II ansWered-
Foolish OuiJa Board!
oh, well.' interrupted the Bache-
lor hastily you can't believe any
ming foolish little three legged
oui1a board says7 Surely you don't
take any Of these new kinds OF magic
and fairy tales and ghost walking
affairs SERIOUSLY"
why not1" demanded the Widos-.
I'm humani And the whole poor
dear human race has been desperately
hunting Tor some new kind OF magic
ever since I've sought seance with
the Serpent. If ever I have to earn
my living. I'm going TO invent
new kind Of magic cure, or a recipe
Tor eternal youth or love charm,
or something and she smiled com
pLaeentlF at the Inspiration
WIN u be pill. or an elixir or
race powder, or a reducing diet,
OF serum, or faith cureG" inquired
tne Bachelor, with mock seriousness. J
-Oh. it doesn't matter" the Widow
shrugged her shoulders airily.
They'll swallow anything. whether
i comes n boxes OF bottles or books I
whether it's a new fountain Of
youth or mineral water, or q
or a gland, or a beauty I
capsule- They'll swallow Any ]
THING, from rubber pellets to paris I
green q you'll only promise them /
that i VIII give them eternal life I
or eternal happiness even the 4
eternal love Of their husbands. I /
could sell them Etewed butterflies j
wings or fried camels' esrs-and 1
they'd buy them and get their 1
Their moneys WORTH OF wHAr7"
inquired the Bachelor In astonish-
ment @Of bunko7"
aOf HOPE, Er. VFeztherbri-
corrected the widow, sailing
sadly. aOf optimism, Of courage,
o. excitement. Of THnILLsg
ing for and longing for. Iuaz
look at the things we've tried
a1rcadvf7
Il haver' groaned the Bachelor.
I've seen EN- IN the hair dresser's
windows. Gruesome-areu't theyF
nd ne shuddersd-
The ancients went in for oracles
nd incautatlons and sunworship,"
vent on the Widow and our great .
tried bleeding and i
ss-.a -
hot spring waters Our I
athers baked themselves IN hot mud .
laths, and walked around bzrefo0ted
n the dew and were never happy ]
lnless they we're being cut up and ]
iaTlnE an appendix removed.
"And now" grOaned the Bachelor,
we have the tonsil hounds. and the {
.benoid crauks and the germ fiends, /
nd The teeth t0rturers
Ihat-Whatf'
Cure for Everything.
The monomaniacs who insist on
.avins q few teeth pulled out. as a {
mrs for everything from hang nails
o a broken heart" explained the
3achelor- And there are the physi-
al culture faddists, and the break
asst FOOD inventors
And the GLAND fanatics" fin
shed the Widow. who viii take
ny kind Of pill that is supposed ID
ontain q poor little ANIMALS gland
md al because the poor. dear, tired
uman race just loves to fool itself
nto thinking that It can beat old
-ather Time, ard old Mother Nature,
nd somehow in some way, be
laEically young and vital and
eautiful forever. And It's all 60
uuny-
'FUNNYls the bachelor looked re-
ToachfuL
"And 60 sad." added the WIDOW,
when there IS a magic cure, a REAL
&c preventive. and an honest TO 2
oodness yuuthifier-" s
i knew it, I knew it.' cried the z