The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1920-01-15

x
States asks the American people I.
study the red menace. That Is goot
advice, but they should absolutely des
troy it first and then study 1t. Al
inquest properly belongs between thu
demise and the funeral.
| 3 q 4
"All the little boys and girls who
wish to go to heaven" said = Sunday
school superintendent, will please
rise Whereupon all, with the ex-
ception Of Sammy Scruggs, rose. ~And
decent this little boy want to 20 to
heaven7" asked the superintendent.
mot yeti" said Sammy.
A great hunter was lecturing about
the animals he had met in Africa. "For
the making Of ivory billiard balls,
500 elephants are needed every year."
he said. How strange" said a wo-
man in the audience. isn't 1t won
derful that these great beasts can be
taught to do such delicate work"
q Q q
One Of the returned soldiers Is
against the practice Of stuffing the
jails with reds. And his substitute
motion is reasonable, at that. "Take
'em out In ships says he, "to q point
off the Grand Banks about where !
left my second breakfast-going over,
and then kiss 'em goodbye and let
'em walk the rest Of the way"
A doctor, who was superintendent Of
the Sunday school in . small village
asked one of the boys this question:
Willie, will you tell mo what We
must do in order to get to heaven ?"
Said Willie: "You must die" Every
rue" replied the doctor, "but tell me
what we must do before we die. 1--WE
must get sick" said Willie, "and send
or you"
In the wild and woody west game
4 poker was in progress. A tender
DOT looking on, saw one Of the play
RS deal himself four aces from the
ottom Of the pack. The tenderfoot
,hispered Indignantly to another on
poker; "Did you see that?" What
sked the other. "That swindler dealt
imsef four aces'p the tenderfoot
Used. WAL" was the astonished
eply, wasn't it his deal?"
When you do not intend to pay bill
here is nothing like being decisive in
our refusal. The other day a mer-
nant had an account rendered" re-
irned to him with the following reply
rrawled across the billhead: Dear
ir: l never ordered this beastly
ook II did, you didn't send it. II
ou sent it, / never got it. II I got it,
paid it. If didn't won't. Now go
I'd hang yourself, you fathead. Yours
Try respectfully. Jim Snifkins."
The portly gentleman strolled up to
10 Of the seats in the park and, hav-
& seated himself comfortably was
on absorbed in his newspaper. After
while he began to be annoyed by
nall boy who persisted in steadily
airing at him, and at last he could
ar it no longer what are you
oking at, little boy?" he inquired.
$ there anything funny about me ?"
lot yet" replied the youngster, but
ere's going to be when you get up.
lem seats have just been painted"
q q q
Four girls went in cahoots and
ught turkey for Sunday dinner.
me of the girls had the nerve to
op off the birds head, so they :
loroformed it, although the turkey eli
arly wrecked the premises before WI
quite Hopping. Then the girls tn
Y picked the gob5ier, and put IL e hi
-cass in the clothes closet to remain re
til ready to be dressed and roasted. m
few hours later one of the girls WI
mt to the closet to get some arsi- mi
of apparel, and when she opened tn
door the turkey (having recovered II
IN the inefficient anaesthetic) calm ga
walked out without stitch onl be
q n m,
L. L.