davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
THE WISE PREACHER.

The knot was tied, the pair was wed,
And then the smiling bridegroom said
Unto the preacher Shall pay you
The usual fee today or would you
Have me wait Il year
And give you then "A hundred clear,
II | shall find the marriage state
As happy as I estimator"
The preacher lost no time In thought,
To his reply no study brought,
There were no wrinkles on his brow
Said he, I'm take three dollars now"
II. A. r
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

1t is paradoxical that there is
something in Washington that will
be old before it's new. It's the Key
bridge in Georgetown.
JEAN SMITH, Ft. Myer.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
but DOUBT IT."

When a pair OF red lips are upturned to
your own,
with none to gossip about 1t;
Do you pray for self-control and leave
them aloue7
Maybe you do, but I doubt IL.
When a tapering waist Is in reach of your
arm, a.
With wonderful plumpness about IT:
Do you argue over the good and the harm
Maybe you do. but l doubt 1t.
BABY VAMP.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

married a cakie, Bill. and the
other night found him in the
bathroom crying because he had
applied too much Odorono under
his arms. FELICE.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
SHE MAKES DISCOVERY.

Bill, dear. I've just found the solu-
tion of the problem, why girl
closes her eyes when being kissed"
/ got to thinking about it and when
my "one and only" kissed me good
night l kept my eyes open to expert
ment. Gosh! The party facing you
looks cross-eyed. No girl wants her
pal to see her looking like that.
A GIRL.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
WOMEN OUTNUMBER MEN.

GREENVIItLE, S. c., Sept 26.-
More women than men have regis
tered in Greenville and other counties
heard from yesterday for the. Presi-
Dental election November ., at which
time they also will vote upon the con-
firmation of the nomination of United
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
Bv BILL PRICE

Rev! o. Adam and Rev. r. Lowe
preached in the same church on a GER
tain Sunday. Mr.. Lowe, in the morn
ing, used the text. Adam, where art
thou?" Mr.. Adam preached at night,
with the text, 10, here i am"
III. SMITH.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
THE REASON.

why do they call a tugbost she7"
Said the girl to the mate of The Thistle.
81 dunno" he says, but 1t seems to me
That II must be they fall for she
on account OF the awful noise, you see,
She makes when she tries to whistle.
O i.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

That short line between Chevy
Chase Lake and Kensington, Md,
is so full of curves they tell me that
a blacksnake which tried to run the
curves broke his back. w. ID. p.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
THE OLD CRYSTAL MAZE.

How many OF your readers re-
member the crystal maze, located
on seventh street. near n? II you
became separated from your guide
and tried TO find your way out, you
would meet yourself coming back.
W. D. PAYNE.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
ARE, BOYs MEAN THIS wAYs

Toe got something for ~ and
fans. IT'S this: Why do teIloos stop
taking their girls out after they
hnoo been Uoino together four or
fpe monthsf have noticed IN
many cases that feIloto niH take
his girl out nearly every night for
fctp months and then he tsiI
rant TO camp around the girls
home every evening. BILLIE e.
This appeared on one OF the noon
day bulletins posted all around town
The quiet in Italy is OMNIBUS,
but everyone knows IL is merely
the CLAM before the storm"
Il. NJ. u.
Little city girl who first sees
freckled country child: "Oh, mama
run here quick and look at this litti'
boy. He's all rusting."
RENEE.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

PEGGY" notes having seen a
man give his seat to a woman on a
street car. She seems to think that q
so rare it ought to be chronicled.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
TRY THESE.

Q.-what is 'the most moral Of all
musical instruments?
A.-The upright piano.
Q.-Why didn't the ancients use
states and pencils?
A.-Because they were commanded
to multiply on the face of the earth.
CHEW.
Mamma loved papa and papa loved
women,
But ma caught pa with three girls In
swimming
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

d. d. and G. M. note falling off
in the number of Mollys around GER
tain F street corners and want to
know where they are. M. t. in
quires whether "it requires any
brains to be cake-eater or lizard
cite ?"
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

The youngster who was once So
ambitious to go West, ride bronchos
or be a bandit, is now content to sit
on a bread-box at the corner and
be a cake hend."
Occasionally the newspapers pub
llsh pictures with an Y marking
the fatal spot where the tragedy
occurred. II does pay to be careful
when you are with another mans
wife. kUtO.
II the tree boxes will the Sidewalk
away? r. M. G..
First Caker--'I was out with Mari,
last night. and I was never so sur
prised In my life"
Second Caker--''I couldn't kiss her
either"
ft- MAXWELL PEARSON.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

Have been house hunting, and it
affected me this way: ..-
When I kneel by my bed at the end of the
"a day ...
This one little prayer is all that say:
"Oh, give me house, any little house;
/ don't mind IL the roof be patched,
II from its neighbors tits quite detached;
A house far from the city crowd,
Where the nelghbors won't hear IL l talk
loud.
Though IL be old and tumbled down,
/ want house l can walk around !"
MARETTE,
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

II the cake-eaters use yellow
stationery with green ink, what
do the cake-eaterettes use?
BUD.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

States Senator e. ID. Smith. seven rep
resentatives. Gov. Robert A. Cooper
and other State and county nominees
who were selected at the first and sec
ond Democratic primaries August 81
and September 10. -. 20,
SEND HER FLOWERS"
GUIDES flowers are fresh cut and fragrant.
1914 F.-Advt.
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

You have heard a train called "she"
when 1t was mail. train. A steam
ship, though, should be called "he'
because in the days of John Barley
corn he always carried funnel.
..t ... A G. Il,
The Washington times., 1920-09-26
"YOur Honor and Ladies of the Jury"
H E ARD AN D SEEN

When the White House was first
built which side was intended for
the front of the building?
r. F. l..
(The south side was intended
as the front of the White House.
1t was changed when Pennsyl-
vania avenue was shifted around to
the present front of the building)
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

II the tree boxes will the sidewalk
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

DR.. w. P. Johnson has accepted the
chairmanship OF the troop committee
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

scoutmssters and assistant scout
masters who are In the Fifth district
are urged by Reputy Commissoioner
Pesrce to attend meeting to be held
In the parish hall. Piney Branch road
and Dsklia street on October =
The Washington times., 1920-09-26

Three boys passed their 6rst class
first aid to the Injured tests on Sep
tembcr IL. They are Theodore Ed
feldt Troop IS; Henry Herr and
David Tyneil. OF Troop 100
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
On the ISSUE Of
Tmericonism There Can
Be NO Compromise
O r ID E r

her captaincy of varied foodstuffs that in
their unrelated disorder were inedible.
God in nature thru the myriad lives com
bines earths and liquids into energetic cells
and thus produces Organisms. What we
call Life is merely an orderly impulse i'm
posed upon loose matter.
We ascend the steps of life by order;
we descend to death by disorder.
Education or culture is getting ones
forces and ideas into some coherent plan.
The uneducated man is the confused man.
The trained mind is one where there Is mol
litter; all is packed and pigeonholed; things
are in their place.
Civilization is the progress Of men toward
order The millennium is organization,
smooth working, with every human cog in
its right position, functioning with every
other
The process of conscience is toward
evermore perfect, a wider order; until
last the race shall "find itself" Our notion
of duty proceeds from self-defense to family
pride, thence TO tribal adherence, thence to
patriotism or nation-feeling, and at last TO
humanity or the world-consciousness
All wars mean the struggle of mankind
toward that eventual order of the whole.
Competition merges at last into co-opera-
ton. Liberty is found to be impossible ex-
cept under the reign of law.
Humanity is growing from condition Of
contesting individuals, competing groups,
warning nations, into vast co-ordinated ma
chine wherein every part shall nourish and
minister to every other; even as the oak
tree by its divine and mysterious potency
of life, takes the disorganized particles OF
the earth and raises them into one majestic
trunk, with branches and leaves.
If order be heavens first law, it is the last
goal of earth. -
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

YOR ~sAFETY FIRST

Editor The Star. would like 20
SEQ your paper take UP the fnatfsr of
fire protection In hotels and theatres
In this city. Perhaps . little -agiia.
ton viii wake up tho council TO the
need of better fire supervision /
have Travelled cxf~nsiveiy turnout
CAnada and. the United States and
In no place of this iize have ! seen
such disregard for safety First"
an here in Seattle. Take n loge
scat in any OF the theatres and you
M. hemm-d in 20 that should a
panic ensuc the loss Of life would be
morc-Irvm congestion than fra Why
should not the proprtetors be com
PEELED TO allow a reasonable amount
OF space betwccn cach row and not
allow the aisies to be ciogged with
chairs In my opinion both theatres
and hotsis should b. inspected week
~ by tho fire department. changing
tho supervisors regularly. Seattle
needs hotel accommodation. but IL
also needs TO put in practice the slo-
ran. Safety First,- no; In print.
r. A w.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
The

Everything progresses-except politics.
Even crcuses which proverbiay standardized con-
stanty develop the political balyhoo Is unchanging
Professional politicians the same-yesterday today
and tomorrow-before the and after It, Regardless OF
party labels all are actually of one species And the
species defies all laws of evolution and stands
the cause and object of its existence always the same
the securing of jobs and power
True to FORM the socled political leaders are now very
busy treating Americans their quadrennal comedthe
race for the party nominations 49,
Composition be excellent and exciting IL is any
mans race and public sentiment VIII determine the
winner
But actually the timeworn tactics are being en-
Moved behind the scenes Which tactics consist OF the
manirulations of small number Of men in each party.
whose particular Job is to weed out surplus candidates
at the psychological moment and pick the right man
right" for themselves. =
The tme-honored campaign comedy WAKES merr-exccpt
for hitch.
This hitch the that many people beginning
to realize that this great free-ora isn't genuine race
At ALL but lust of sdcshow to catch their attention
while the main performance goes silently behind the
scenes.
The best evidence Of this feeling is the remarkable prog
of the Hoover movement in spite Of the attacks OF
the professional political leaders Of both parties and in
the face Of all assaults Hoovers lack Of party regularity
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

The frame you buy for photograph should not be so
wide or ornate that it will distract attention from the
photograph itself.
That goes for any other picture such as painting
The principle is well understood
But there is one frame which cannot be too wide or
ornate No matter how elaborate striking the design it
win not distract attention from what is within it
That is the frame of mrrori
In this respect difference between a mirror for a
young man or young woman is recognized.
The notion that vanity is trait of than Of
men has been generally abandoned. II give more
attention to their appearance it is because they
critical They look in the mirror less to admire themselves
than to search for suspected flaw and correct it
may spend little time in front of his mirror But
that does not indicate that he is not vain II may
only that he we'll satisfied with his appearance
he recognizes need to improve it That's Of the
things which "every knows"
Any finds his reflection in the mirror more inter
estng to him than the work of any artist poet once
said, THE proper study of mankind is man." He might
have added ruhful, The favote study of is him
self" .
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

Order, according to the old saying, is
heavens first law.
But in truth all law, whether in heaven
or earth, is no more nor less than order.
We speak of creative genius, but what is
il but the knack of making things fit?
The inventor originates nothing, he brings
things into right relations. The man who
made the first steam engine did no more
than bring vapor and metal together. He
established order between two things that
had been OF no kin.
The architect who put up the Woolworth
Building was a dancing-master who knew
how TO get stones and steel girders TO group
in due figures and poses.
Stones lie rough in quarries, trees grow
in the tangled wild, copper and iron are
scattered in ore veins, and all the units OF
sand, glass, paint, plaster, tile and cement
are here and there in confusion upon the
earth: enter the human brain, with its
concept of order; from it flow disposing
thoughts, with volts Of compelling will; and
it is as IL dispersed army had heard the
trumpet call and had fallen in by companies
Of tens and hundreds, each with its captain,
each keeping step, finding its place, moving
in campaign by the plan upon the field mar
shals table.
The poet is an expert in order, giving Ia
airy nothings "a local habitation and q
name" Selling the fugacious wisps of feeling
the flashing wings of passing fancy, the
half felt thoughts and dumb and covered
strivings of the soul, and arranging them
in rhythmic syllables.
The housewife is orders mistress, making
household peace and comfort as she makes
the bed by smoothing. spreading arranging
and as she makes dress by measuring and
matching; and her tasty dinner is also but
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

- c.. s.,,
''''
Was har cannot De eu''a' o~'
RESTORED. erorp' py eyeA
Baldrew- cannot b cured. except
or rare occNHsonn
The scalp 10 just IKE tbe rest
Of tho skin on the body and should
b. kept m clean as the face or the
handr. In ORDER TO do this tho bend
should b. washed at l~as; once zach
weok with a good tar. or sulphur
soap. THIS win not only help TO ke~p
the scalp FREQ from dandruff. but
win open tho pores OF tho scalp and
p~rrnit OF tho FREQ flov OF oil TO make
tho hair glossy. II In folly to have
Tho hair sinscd. A. n n entirely une-
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
The Seattle Star

ny NATL out Of city. see per month; : months
| siso. usonthA tafS. year 500 IN he
| state Of Warrington outside the STATE
| rSc per month. 1850 Tor 8 mooths OF tNes
| per year. ny carrier. city, lie per ~e"A'
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
More Building

In the midst Of housing situation that is nearly desper
ate it is encouraging to learn that the of building
going up at not inconsiderabe rate 1t will be- perhaps
several before building catches UP with demand but
the rapid swing in the upward direction that will in
1920 will be of some help, at least
The February compilation of projected building opera
tions made by the Commercial and Financial Chronicle of
New York. covering III cities in various sections Of the
country supplements the January favorable report The
total Of intended outlay for building oos 266
against only 1874 $780, SOB in 1919, increase of 2288
per cent and gain 1918 of more275 per cent
In the ITO cities in the country at large all but %
hbit increase year. It is impossible to tell how
much the due expansion of business such
as factories, office buildings, theatres.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
Cheer the Cheerful

The most cheerful person in Rockville, Ind, writes
newspaper correspondent els Win McCord the next his
wife Mrs. McCord"
win no doubt rch man. You suggest, with all that
man could wish for healthy with good job nice home
and all that. Not This man has been total invalid
since 1895 He is able only his head slowly from
sde to side For the past 10 years his condition would
not permit him being turned IN bed He hes there
rirdy with his arms along the sides of his body not
being raise his head high enough to permit an extra
pillow being placed under it
Yet ne is the most cheerful person in his town!
Which is wonderful when considers how many Per
sons healthy and Weather than MeCord find this world
dreary place
But which, do you think should receive greater crc.
for cheerfunes the who has lain there for all these
years. the wife who since 1896 has ceseey cared for
the stricken husband? The who couldn't leave his bed
SIDE the wife, who could have left but chose life OF
sacrifice?
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
TO REWARD FIREMEN

Editor Tho Star. As our Honor
able Mayor is looking for a way 10
show his appreciation to the boys
OF the firo department for the won
dcrfui work they performed at the
Lincoln hotel fire. ! suggest that he
sign the bill granting them one day
off every eighth. which they have
been working for. for some timo.
This bin has been passed by the
city council and. vetoed BY the
mayor.
SEATTLE TAXPAYER
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
College Honors

Often you hear of this college lad, that one, winning
laures at school, They home with the college initial
on their sweaters silver cups medals. The home
folks proud of Them and the boys well pleased with
themselves, too.
It may be that he the 100yard DASH made" the
football team hurled elusive sphere the baseball
diamond. Or he the oratorcal contest wrote high
brow article on Egyptian learning, made perfectly
deru ascension into higher mathematics Preston Moody
Of Fremont Ind, did of these things. Yet Preston
has really worthwhile honors from Purdue university
Preston established record-growing corn He at
tanned lat bushels to the Any farmer will tell you
this is something difficult Of accomplishment
Corn is food. Human beings eat food They can't
eat track achievements football games ncesound-
ing orations.
Mlsccrkees population has increased zS.5 per cent
s,sce 1910. Her famous product has dropped to
half Of one per cent
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

SEATTLE TAXPAYER.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

Greetings, Most of the siris on
Second ave. arc observing paintup
week.
Wen wager the min committees
wiz fool around until tho uitimat.
consumer In jabbed again. And Just
when everything seemed favorable.
too.
Now that Aiiccp ciar- has ouiJa
board. maybe she'll find out for
Prosecutor brown what has become
" fat
Prosecutor Brown used TO be a
barber. They say hos q regular
cut up. hut not 80 much 20. he DE-
clar~s. that he carcs TO ask Dr.
Matthews to 80 to another prize
fight
New York landlords hav~ n pretty
little slogan. IL In. "wc want ali wv
can get E1t tho Seattle lsndiorsi,
arc ahead OF them. Here. they get
all they want
A Canadian authority naya there
n SS..b worth OF wool IN an Atwood
suit that sells at SIS. We live and
learn That's tho first time We ever
heard there was any wool In sn all.
wool suit None OF ours ever had
any.
A federal judge DOWN east holds
n In criminal to carry a bottle %
eccxe In a hip pocket Meaning. We
suppos-. criminal carci~xnozs.
Richard crckor.s wife aayr she IL
going 10 hire a lawyer bat she IN.
trnir TO conduct the cn.~ herself
M.bby she never heard about J-~-
Willard He was his own manager.
Brvaling the Truth C~utly
county Clerk Clarence aouth 4. w~~r
ma tesrss that 10 Jus, tn. eoior os
M. hair. that "a. the hair b. uss-i 10
nave when the rsportsr told him that n
looked - nssursi that one could not tell
whsr. the tsae~~ and the hair Joined In
the Rack. the pfraantsst srntie csrn~
over hs fs~~N -t,cut ysu tne~ that n
N"st - msny nave fnit me = We rally
thovsht vs meant n--wsss.ka CrIlb ne.
pahi-an
~rieas~ ten me-. writer a LADY
who signs h~r-~if rsrrn~r'r wife. II
am unable tn find a maid and hav.
To DO my own work. DO you thsrk I
should take off my Efk apron when
wash the dlsh-s-
Attorney Ocnerad Palmer n inv-~-
usatine rome ncfsrious rascnis IN
The south who are aorvss~d OF hav-
fng trf-d IN cauze . reduction IN the
Price Of cotton Mebby he thinks
h~v~ n Possibility OF the southern
states going r-pubscan-
A BIN has heen infrv1ucvd IN ef,e
New Ycrt legislature TO p~uxsrn
ssr~ct CLEANERS In New York CITY.
Tnat's ~xp~nsivn Our street cleaner
h tho wesfhcrman-
Whs4 Kl~s Hesprd,
rhe shuren ehetr r~v>sfsa snssr srr
o~vf THURSDAY evening that tHyuv rave :
week ago. me weather vas aisarr.~-
ahss both evenings. Which h-spsd TO fesp
msny ssny-p7yn~sh usd) R~pusn-
BE that As u may. nob~r, Gentle
L. dentist In brooklyn.
Boy. page tho man who said he
oould make an automobile fuel for .
o~ns a'Faflon.
But. as the butcher remarked.
This Ii no beauty par,or. but I'm a
drst-ciaas hare dresser
But. ~ rhs coal dealer remarked
~ the short ton. II have a winning
way
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14

Richard crokor's wife sayu she r.
] going to hire a lawyer bat she IN.
tenfr TO corduct tho ons- herself
M-bby she never heard about joss
Willard. He was his own manager
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1920-04-14
Br~akinr the Truth Grnuy

county Clerk Clarence aouth 10 w~ar-
mx tesree that 10 Just tn. eoier Of
hls hair. that "a. the hair he usad To
have. Whsn the repeater toia him that n
looked ~ nsturai that one could not tell
whs<. the tsues~ ami the hair joined In
the back. the pfr.<ants.t sr.fe esDs
over his fs~~A ~pcu't y.u hns~ that ~
what - macy have told me - Vie r-sffy
thouxhs - meant n.--Wstsnka ClLl re.
pahihan
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-03-05

in6rmarv OF agste stage 70 another
building IS he progresses towards re-
coyory Thus. al acutely sick patient
would be housed g the Admins tration
building but after his condition had
somewhat improved he would be moved
to tile open wards in one IF ire two
Hospital Pavilions. Later on he
vould pass III the still simpler ordin-
any pavilion. or tf paying patient 70
cotta1o.
In closing this report may ] be per-
mitted 10 emphasize what was stated
ia report made by a Committee q
your County Medical Society some six
years ago Wiz that the Sanatorium
must sc regarded as but one feature
Of The campaign against tuberculosis.
IL should be he center and iuspira on
81 field work in the various ccntors
which il serves and through public
Feanb nurses and ether local agencies
Should secl. ont and admit as soon
diSeoY cred an cases which arc like
Iy - benedt rom Stay in tbe Iustf-
tution. These focal aeeucfes should
$50 care for follow up sorry Sc which
iS a tremendously tmportant work.
hitherto greatly neglected THE rcriod
US tie SanatorHm should serve to
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1920-03-05
BEST OF ALL"
BALMWORT KIDNEY
TABLETS

Mr.. VIM. r. BRYANT r. #. H..
Bryantviue. Mass writes. II am
using your Baimwort Kidney Tah-
let's and find them the very best Of
anything y have over tried. ] have
tried lots Of other remedies ete.
Pains i'm the back. rheumatic pains.
frequent scanty highly coiorea.
smartinS pains. etc. tell YOU that
Kidneys and Bladder are not doing
their regular duties. Bslmwort
Kidney Tablets correct and revive
their activity. Sold by an drug
gfsts.-adv