The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1920-01-30
STRAY STREAKS
(By Fluke McFluke.)

The Oftice Devil says ne mad been
making arrangements to go to Tur-
key, but since he read in the papers
that they don't have Harems in that
country any more he's give out the
idea altogether.
We seed a man 'tother day with,
we don't know how to spell it, but
as Evangelist waters would say,
bumkin water all over his breath. We
hain't had such a whiff since before
the opening days of July of the year
10.
Fred Robertson says he guesses
Albert Rial might be called a par
asite, as he sacks up little of moth
ing and sells it to few unsuspecting
men and women, but mostly to little
childrens under the pretense that it's
popcorn and peanuts.
Bat Nall says his customers must
git their pressin done early cause
he's goin to New York the fust Of
May to that Bald-headed convention.
Bat says he had some race with
Judge Wilson, Judge Wedding and
John King, all candidates fer the de-
egate's place.
1t has been>reported that Ed Bar
rass and Lee Simmerman have been
trying to get jobs as head guards at
some of the U. S. Government Bonded
Warehouses, under these new booze
guarding regulations.We amt going
to sign no recommendation for either
of these birds for that sort of job,
no! not us.
This has been a rather lonesome
week with the most of the women in
this town. They have been going to
church about twice every day for
three weeks, and as a result they got
all disorganized with their callings.
socials and one thing and another
and can't tell just where to begin, as
the most of them forgot to mark the
leaving off place.
49,
We had a letter a few days ago
from Ernest Birkhead's Louisville
friends concerning those flowers sent
to Missus Birkhead. He said an ex-
mination of the designs would reveal
the fact that they were hand made,
paper wreaths, so selected for the
reason that they would keep indefi-
nitely and could be used later if Birk
made it home alright, as they thought
the denatured stuff would finally call
for their use.
We don't know whether Mr.. l. D.
Claire is sick, in Jail or has left the
Country. If the latter has happened
we would expect to find him diving
near the spot where that ship was re
ported to have sunk with the cargo
of old burbon, near New York, Jan
the first. We did not get his COM
munication last week, and have MOI
received it as this is being penned
or rather olivered. We have decid-
ed to send him a wireless and if we
don't hear from him during the next
month we shall declare the position
vacant.
Another complimentary letter has
been received from subscriber, dat
ed Atlanta Ga. Dear Old Baldhead-
ed Crook: Will give you surprise
by sending you a check for $500 fol
which forward me that Filthy Sheet.
know it is not worth it, but"
could tell you what else he said, but
l wont, modesty forbids and far be il
from me from doing anything i'm
modest. If l ever meet this fellow
whose first name is Jim, (looks like
have a time with men named Jim
face to face, he is going to go of
crippled twice instead of once.
| $50
We have had dozen different ap-
plications, not counting John Henry's
for membership in our angling club
since we announced that we would
take our trip in the highlands, where
the mellow mountain dew gathereth
in the night time around highly per-
fumed and coiling worms, where
barefoot and musicthroated dam
sells enchant and electrify the listen
ing air from dell to mountain peak
No, boys we are full, none need apply
for membership, in fact no petitions
for reinstatement from backslidden
members will be countenanced. We
wouldn't let our wife in.