Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-19
ABOUT BACHELORS
BY RING w. LARDNER.

To the editor:
A good many single bachelors often
wonders why it is they don't get in
vited out oftener and get left out
Of SO many partys and most Of them
resent it and thinks they are getting
a raw deal where as in 9 cases out
of 10 it's their own fault. l mean to
say that the main reason the host
esses overlooks them is on acct. of
them not adding nothing to the party,
but they just set there like Jumps
on log and never open their mouth
only to receive a oyster or something.
When a unattached man does get in
hostess expects them to show cause,
in other words. the only reason they
was asked was to help keep the party
up. A married man can stay IN
stupor all evening and it don't make
no differents as they have got to ask
the hostess haveing went to school
together. But bachelor has got
to make a name for himself as good
Co. and a lively wire or next thing
you know they will be sending your
invitations to the wrong address.
Several yrs. ago before l teetered
up to the hymeneal altar to indulge
in the first marital nuptials l was
liveing in e. town that as dirty
with social functions but all the mail
typewriter and finely asked a friend
of mine II he knew what the ladies
had VS.. me and he says he had heard
l Of them say that the time I did
come to her house all / done was
eat and scratch mosquito bites where
as if / had Of showed little life
she. would always be glad to include
me in her partys as they was a big
demand for single birds that could
be the life of the party and make
the ice cream come from a drug store
IN the middle of the block. So told
him to get her to give me another
chance and if I didn't make good |
would pretend like the rest Of my
lif: was Lent.
How to BE Social Lion.
Well boys I am not the kind that
brag, but / went to this danes hut
again to big dinner party and was
a riot and since that time they hasn't
been a night when I couldn't have
dinner somewheres even If it's in my
own home and thought maybe II
I give you boys couple hints about
what to pull and how to pull IT you
might maybe not half to put In no
more lonesome evenings wasteing
time like reading book for inst.
OF course I use a different line OF
patter every place I go In the same
town and I can't remember the exact
lines 1 pull as most of them seems
to come into my head without no
effort and that's the kind that seems
to go biggest, but any way ! WIN
try and tell you a few of the things
I said last time I was out in the
hopes you can catch the idear and
take advantages.
This party was give at the Waldorf
in N. =. city by a lady and her hus-
WILL the first thing when l seen
her I says Hello. How's every little
thing?
| sprung it SO quick she couldn't
say nothing only just laugh.
hadn't never seen most Of the otn-
|er guests before. but as each one was
they said they was pleased to meet
me. then I'd say 1.-The pleasure is all
mine" After a vile we went in the
dining room and of course the men
folks all stood up till the ladies set
down and then I says Gentlemen De
seated like I thought 1t was min
strel show or something. You ought
too.
Well held back from then till the
SOUP was served and then I made
some remark about I was afraid to
eat the soup for fear l would drown
out tho orchstra- The gal setting
next to me near died.
They brought on some breast Of
chicken and somebody said how good
it was and says. 'They's nobody can
cook chicken like Mrs. Waldorf"
So the gal on my left says. You
don't really think Mrs. Waldorf
cooked this chicken"
So I says, You bet she did and