The Birmingham age-herald., 1920-09-05
Rx JAMES J. MoNrAGUE

Some people can run car into per feetly strange garage. pick out nar- row space between two expensive limou- sines, back into it. missing each car by a hair, and stop. Some people can't do anything like that at all. I'm one of the latter kind.
 I'm always embarrassed in a strange garage. anyway l feel overawed in the presence of head walters and hotel clerks. who merely glare at me with silent, subtle sneers. The country garage proprietor isn't silent. and there is noth- ing subtle about his sneers.
 He says frankly what he thinks And he always thinks unkindly, not to say brutally. In fact, country garage pre- prietors are the most brutal thinkers who have lived in this world since the days of Captain Kidd. They can't make you walk the plank of course, like Cap tain Kidd could. But they can scare you just as much. l don't know why, but they. can.
 I've just got back from one of those little journeys that people take after they've been looking too long at auto mobile ads You know the kind, the ones with pictures of beautiful new cars bowling along over country roads. or stopping in front of magnificent summer hotels Just look at that sort of picture steadily for week, and you'll go on 
 The journey itself was all right. It wasn't exactly what you'd call restful, but it was generally satisfactory. No body ran into us, and we didn't run into nyhody on the hard highway at least. We didn't have to stop in the rain ana patch tires, and country children have long ceased to sit on the fence and Jeer' "Get a horse' when 8 motorist stops to clean the mud off his windshield.
 The trip, as trip. was all right. Even the hotels could have been worse. all though not much worse. What brought me back with shattered nerves. and redisposition toward violence, was the garage. proprietors. Yet they behaved toward me much the same as they do toward everybody. 'Tis their nature to behave that way. It is apparently pre- destined from the beginning of time that they should snarl at you and browbeat : you and say all manner of evil against you falsely. just because you are the sort that gets nervous while trying to back a car into one of the tinplateG shacks that they call fireproof garages.
 However, let's get with the story
 We followed the red posts and the hotel sign boards till we got to the town where we meant to stop for the night It was around 10 o'clock when we got there and dark-very dark.
 We petitioned several garage proprse- tors to let our car abide with them Tor the night, but they said indignantly tha' their accommodations were all taken, and wanted to know what the place Ct torment we meant by coming into town at that time of night.
 The fifth place that we applied to ha' room. The boss was irritated to think that we needed shelter but he agreed to provide us with it for $2.
 And if you don't like the price, ne said, you can go on"
 We assured him that far from not lk- ing the place, we were positively fanau- cal about it. We felt in fact. that he was practically forcing his roof on us Two dollars for twenty-five square feet of space for six hours seemed the mereSt trlfle.
 "All right" he said "back her in, and be dern careful, for there's lot of good cars in here.'
 Affecting not to be hurt by the empha- sis laid on GOOD, I started to pacH her in.''
 And right there is where my embar- = rassment began to make trouole TOT me. The inside of the garage was ut terlv dark. The rear light supplied but little guidance. And the place the boss indicated was mere black crevasse between two almost equally black masses which I knew to be very high-priced cars. I knew because the boss told me so in set terms.
 I backed to a post felt to pc op- posite the spot where was to pocket my car and started to turn to the right. But I didn't I turned to the wrong.
 Here" said the boss don't do that. You'll knock them cars all to- he mentioned a destination l couldn't pos sibly have knocked them to- even in my nervousness
 I swung around the other way
 What the deuce are you goin' that way for?'n he inquired, Haven't you ever druv car before 2"
 I told him that I had. but not in that garage, and craning my neck back ward discerned as I supposed my err TOT and tried to correct it.
 No, no. Stop Stop l tell you.'
 I stopped.
 Now go ahead"
 went ahead.
 Now around to the right. No, not that way to the right. To my right, not yourn."
 I went to his right There was a grinding sound, followed by rending one I cIapped on the brakes.
 The boss however. did not burst into the mad fury I supposed he would
 Back her again." he commanded.
 What did I do?"
 You ripped off mud guard on that post. But it was on your car" of course that was nothing to worry about. The mud guard was on my car. I proceeded to back her again.