The Washington herald., 1920-05-11
Facts Fiction Fashions and Features Of Interest to Women
TIL C.-J y RI -. By
ne Jtn and the GrQJt o. HENRY

and va1cross TO take her to dinner
in one Of these. New York fem
mine apartment houses where q
man can't get In unless he plays
bezique and smokes depilatory
powder cigarettes.
s'She's q sumner says Vau-
cross when he saw her. They'll
give her n two-coiumn cut sure
This was the scheme the three
Of US concocted. 1t was business
straight through. Vaucross was
to rush Miss .Blye with all tine
style and display and emotion he
could for a month. CT course,
that amounted to nothing as far
as his ambitions were concerned.
The sight Of a man In q white tie
and patent leather pumps pour
ing greenbacks through the large
end Of a cornuccpia, to purchase
nutriment and heartease for tall.
willowy blonds in New York Is
as common a sight as blue turtles
in delirium tremens. But he was
to write her love ietters-the
worst kind Of love letters. such
as your wife publishes after you
are dead--every day. At the END
of the month he was to drop her.
and she would bring suit for
100000 for breach of promise.
Miss Artemisia was to get
$4,000. II she won the suit that
was all: and II she lost she was
to get IL anyhow There was q
signed contract to that effect.
Sometimes they had me out
with 'em, but not often.
couldn't keep up to their style.
She used to pull out his notes and
criticise them bills of lading.
Say. you" she'd say. What
do you call this-Letter to Hard
ware Merchant from His Nephew
on Learning that His Aunt Has
Nettlerash? You Eastern buffers
know as much about writing love
letters as a Kansas grasshopper
does about tugboats. My dear
Miss Blyep'-wouldn't that put
pink icing and a little red sugar
bird on your bridal cake? How
long do you expect to hold an au-
dience in a courtroom with that
kind of. stun? You want to get
down to business, and call me
"Tweedlums Babe" and Honey
suckle," and sign yourself Mann
mas Own Big Bad Puggy Wuggy
Boy" II you want any limelight
to concentrate upon your sparse
gray hairs. Get sappy.'
After that Vaucross dipped his
pen in the indelible tabasco. His
notes read like something or 9TH
er in the original. I could see a
jury sitting up. and women tear
ing one another's hats to hear 'em
read. And / could see piling up
for Mr.. Vaucross as much motor
iousness as Archbishop Cranmer
or the Brooklyn Bridge or cheese
on-salad ever enjoyed. He seemed
mighty pleased at the prospects.
They agreed on a night: and 1
stood on Fifth avenue outside 4
solem restaurant and watched
'em. A process-server walked in
and handed Vaucrcss the papers
at his table. Everybody looked
at 'em; and he looked as proud
as Cicero. went back to my
room and lit a scent cigar, for
knew the $4,000 was as good
as ours.
About two hours later some
.body knocked at my door. There
stood VaUcross and Miss Arte-
misia, and she was clinging-yes,
sir. clinging-to his arm. And
they tells me they'd been out and
got married. And they articu-
lated some trivial cadences about
love and sEch. And they laid
down a bundle on the table and
said Good night and left
And that's why say" scon-
cluded Ferguson Pogue. that a
woman is too busy occupied with
her natural vocation and instinct
of graft such as Is given her for
self-preservation and amusement
to make any great success in spe-
cial lines"
What was in the bundle that
they left?" asked. with my usual
curiosity.
why" said Ferguson, "there
was a scalper's railroad ticket as
far as Kansas City and two pairs
of Mr.. Vaucross' old pants"
Copyright, 1870 By Wheeler Syndicate. Inc.