The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-06-30
JUST A GIRL
A WAY oUT-BY MARRIAGE.
Blu JANE PHELPS
CHAPTER 81.

It seemed to me at this time that
something swift and eager had disd
within me. My yesterdays. happy yes
terdays, were in ruins; all my tomor-
rows doomed gaunt and terrifying.
This feeling was aggravated by my
anxiety over mother. She seemed I'M
able to rally, and was in a state of
seemingly hopeless dependency. She
couldn't endure to have me leave her
So. because / had fear 1 might lose
her also, 1 said nothing about getting
work.
We had tiny sitting room and
bedroom on the second floor of the
boarding house. / had made them as
attractive as possible with the addi-
monogramed silver on the bureau,
dads picture in a lovely frame on
the tiny table by her bed. another one
on the sitting room table and a few
knicknacks and books gave the place
honey, almost luxurious air. when
compared to the rest of the house.
This may have had something to do
with the charges the neighborhoed
physician made when I asked him to
visit mother, and told him how diff
cult I found it to rouse her to interest
her in anything.
Our few hundred dollars was fast
| dwindling, even tho we lived so eco
| nomically-that is. we considered il
economical to live as we did. Once or
| twice I suggested to mother that IL
would be better for me to commence
| to look for something to do, but she
| became so unhappy at the idea of be-
! ing alone that 1 did not urge the
| matter
| Added to my sorrow for the loss Of
| father was now a fear, almost GER
tainty. that 1 was also going to lose
mother. 1 think this was emphasized
in my mind because of mothers for
mer independence, and the shrinking
| dependent way she now chung to me
At times 1 could scarcely make myself
believe she could have changed so de-
cidedly
At first Claudia, Edith and other Of
my girl friends came to see me oc-
casionally. But we were so far away.
and they were so busy, that they
dropped out gradually. l received an
invitation to Edith Wrens wedding
| and a nice little note urging me TO
come. / sent regrets, and also sent
her delicate silver vase we had taken
from our old home. 1 did net feel
that it would be right to spend any of
the money we had for gifts, when
| mothers was so i'll.
Jack Pryor had come frequently tlss
first month or two But finally [
| begged him not to come any more II
wasn't fair to him; and as he never
came empty handed, 1 felt constantly
under obligations to him.
You are sure you cannot care for
me enough to marry me, Zena?" he
| asked when 1 had explained that I
would rather he did not come so often.
/ Yes, Jack, very sure-noY. You
see If anything could make me feel 1
loved you enough to marry you. 1t
would be our lonelinessz and our pow
erty. But Jack, even that would not
make it right. Dad always said that
nothing but great love made marriae e
| what it should be. And did was al
ways right, you know"
'You might learn to love me. Zena .
he returned wistfully land I do go
want to take care of you and your
| mother-make life easier for you"
| You do, Jacki Just to know we
have such a devoted friend. helps"
Just why I could not care for Jack,
| or why, under the circumstances, I
lcould not marry him even tho / was
not madly in love with him. / do not
know. 1t was the way out of all my
anxieties and troubles. He could not
| bring dad back, but he could make
| everything easy for mother. It seemed
almost selfish in me not to marry him
for her sake.
Perhaps had mother been her nor
NAL self. and urged me to marry aim
AS I think she would might have
been persuaded. But even to him she
was indifferent. Her lassitude had
gained such a hold upon her that she
seemed to have no interest in any
thing, save TO keep me constantly with
her.
l. You are all I have. Zena. Don't
leave mel" was her constant cry.
Tomorrow friend in need.)