davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

stood in the adytum to form the
baldachin over the Ark. But the
wings of thin sculptures was in.
tindid for horns. And the faces
was the faces Of gcats. Ten thou
sand goats there was in and
about the temple. And your cher
rubs was billy-goats in the days
of King Solomon, but the paint
ers misconstfued the horns into
wings.
And / knew Tameriane. the
lame Timour, sir. very well.
saw him at Keghut and at Ia.
ranj. He was a little man, no
longer than yerself, with hair the
color of an amber pipe stem. They
buried him at Samarkand. ] was
at the wake, sir. Oh. he was a
fine-built man in his coffin, siA
feet long, with black whiskers to
his face. And l see 'em throw
turnips at the Imperor Vispacian
in Africa. All over the world !
have tramped, sir, without the
body of me findin' any rest Twas
so commanded. / saw Jerusalem
destroyed, and Pcmre eli go up in
the fireworks; and / was at the
coronation of Charlemagne and
the lynchin' of Joan of Arc And
everywhere go there comes
storms and revolutions and fires
and plaques. Twas SO command
ed. Ye have heard of the Wan
dering Jew. 'Tis all so, except
that divil a bit am I Jew. But
history lies, as / have told ye.
Are ye quite sure, sir. that ye
haven't a drop of whisky con-
venient? Ye well know that I
have many miles of walking be-
fore me-"
81 have none" said I, "and, IL
you please. i am about to leave
for my supper"
pushed my chair back creak-
ingly. This ancient landlubber
was becoming as great an s06ic~
tion as any cross bowed mariner.
He shook a musty effluvium from
his piebald clothes. overturned
my inkstand. and went on with
his insufferable nonsense.
II wouldn't mind il so much"
he complained, "if IL wasn't for
the work l must do on Good Fri
days Ye know about Pontius
PLATE. sir, of course. His body,
whin he killed himself, was
pitched into a lake on the Alps
mountains. Now, listen to the
job that tits mine to perform on
the night of livery Good Friday.
The ould divil goes down in the
pool and drags up Pontius, and
the water is bilin' and spewin'
neh IN
divil sets the body on top of
throne on the rocks, and thin
comes me share of the job. Oh.
sir. ye would pity me thin-ye
would pray for the poor Wander
ing Jew that niver was a Jew
If ye could see the horror of the
thing that l must do. 'Tis l that
nuts fetch a bowl of water and
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

not been myrrh or balm or hyssop
that ] had smelled. The emana-
tion was the odor OF bad whisky
and. worse still. of low comedy
the sort that small humorists
manufacture by clothing the
grave and reverend things OF
legend and history, in the vul-
gar. topical frippery that passes
for a certain kind of wit. Michob
Alder as an impostor, claiming
nineteen hundred years, and play
ing his part with the decency of
respectable lunacy. I could en-
dure; but as a tedious wag. cheap
ening his egreEious story with
song-book levity. his Importance
as an entertainer grew less.
And then. as if he suspected my
thoughts. he suddenly shifted his
key. .r.. ~ 81.
You'll excuse me, sir" he
whined, but sometimes I get n
little mixed in my head. am a
very old man; and ii is hard to
remember everything"
1 knew that he was right, and
that I should not try to reconcile
him with Roman history; so
asked for news concerning other
ancients with whom he had walk
cd familiar.
Above my desk hung an en-
craving of Raphaers cherubs. You
could yet make out their forms.
though the dust blurred their out
lines strangely.
'Ye calls them 'cher-rubs,'"
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

Wen have to keep as quiet as
Jollie and Jillie Longtail, the mice
children. No fun at all!'
"Ho hum, / wonder what's the
trouble here?" thought Uncle Wig
gily. So he looked over the top of
the umbrella plant. and there he
saw Johnnie and Billie Bushytail,
the two squirrel boys. sitting on
stump. looking at each other.
What's the matter?" asked the
bunny uncle.
"Oh, we want to make a lot of
ra 2ket and bang bang noises on the
Fourth of July, and mother says
we can't do it," chartered Billie.
''She says we must play nice and
quiet" went on Johnnie. And she
doesn't want us to waste money
buying firecrackers that blow up
with a bang"
We'll, I suppose it is waste of
money" said Uncle Wiggily,
thoughtful like.
Plans jolly Time.
But a fellows got to have some
fun-whats Fourth of July for IL
you can't make a noise?" asked
Billie. That's all we want to do
make big noise to show how glad
we are that the wars over.r
Hum, Yes. guess boys do like
to make noises" laughed Uncle
Wiggily. "well. maybe l can find
a way to give you boys a bang-up
time"
"oh. that will be jolly" chartered
But how are you going
to get us firecrackers and torpedoes
and bombs that will make a racket
IL you don't spt nd money, Uncle
wiggily? And spending money for
a big noise is what our mother
doesn't want us to do"
"Tlt mana res IL somehow" prom
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

chord. The old man blinked bel
ligerently through his senile
tears.
"'Tis time he said. that the
liars be doin' justice to somebody.
Yer historians are no more than
a pack of old women gabbin' at a
wake. A finer man than the Inn
peror Nero niver wore sandals.
Man, was at the burnin' of Rome.
/ knowed the Imperor well, for in
them days was well-known
character. In thin days they
had rayspect for a man that lived
forever.
But twas of the Imperor Nero
I was goin' to tell ye. / struck
into Rome, up the Appian Way. on
the night of July the 18th, the
year 81. had just stepped down
by way of Siberia and Afghanis-
tan; and one foot of me had a
frost-bite. and the other a blister
burned by the sand of the desert;
and l was feelin' a bit blue from
doin' patrol duty from the North
Pole down to the Last Chance cor
ner in Patagonia, and bein' mis-
called a Jew in the bargain. Well.
I'm tellin' ye I was passin' the
Circus Maximus, and 1t was dark
as pitch over the way, and then
1 heard somebody sing out, "1s
that you. Michob?'
over ag'inst the wall. hid out
amongst a pile of barrels and old
drygoods boxes, was the Imperor
Nero wild his togy wrapped
around his toes, smokin' a long,
black segar.
"Have one, Michob?" says he.
None of the weeds for me-
says I-'nayther pipe nor segar.
What's the use.' says I. of smok-
in when ye've not got the ghost
of a chance of KILN yeself by
doin' it?''
True for ye. Michob. my per-
petual Jew SAWS the Imperor;
'ye're not always wandering.
Sure. 'tis danger gives the spice
of our pleasures-next to their
. bein' forbidden
And for what says I. do ye
smoke be night in dark places
without even a cinturion in plain
clothes to attend YEP"
"'Have ye ever heard, Michob,'
says the Impcror. of predesti-
narianism?'
1--we had the cousin of it,
says I. I've been on the trot
with pedestrianism for many a
year, and more to come, as ye
well know
The longer word says me
friend Nero, is the tachin' of this
new sect of people they call the
Christians. 'Tis them that's ray
sponsible 70: me smokin' be night
in holes and corners of the dark
And thU I sets down and
takes off a shoe and rubs me
foot that is frosted. and the I'm
peror tells me about it. 1t seems
that since l passed that way be-
fore, the lmperor had mandam-
used the Impress wild a divorce
suit, and Misses Poppaea, a cili-
brated lady. was inSaged. widout
references. as housekeepcr at the
palace. All in one day. says the
Imperor. she puts up new lace
" mug uA NoAAlo liiC ptldCt anu
joins the anti-tobacco society,
and whin I feels the need of a
smoke l must be after sneaking
out to these piles of lumber in
the dark So there in the dark
me and the Imperor sat, and 1
told him of me travels. And
when they say the Imperor was
an incindiary, they lie. Twas
that night the fire started that
burnt the city. 'Tis my opinion
that it began from a stump of
segar that he threw down among
the boxes. And tits a lie that he
fiddled. He did all he could for
six days to stop it. sir"
And now ! detected new
flavor to Mr.. Michob Alder 1t had
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27
Address

1t was almost the Fourth of July
in Wood Land near the Orange Ice
Mountains, where Uncle Wiggily
Longears, the bunny rabbit gentle
man, lived with Nurse Jane Fuzzy
wuzzy. his muskrat lady house
keeper.
Fourth of July comes on Sun
day." said Nurse Jane on the Sat-
urday evening before, when she and
Uncle wiggily were sitting on the
porch of the hollow stump bunga-
low. How are the children going
to celebrate?"
Have Fireworks.
They're going to wait until Mon
day-those who can," answered Mr..
Longears. II got Jackie and Peetie
Bow Wow, the puppy dog boys, some
lightning bug fireworks, so they
can't burn themselves or set any
thing ablaze."
do they make a noise?" asked
Nurse Jane. IF they do you'd better
go to the FIVE and six cent store and
order me a roll of cotton for my
ears"
"Oh, the firefiies make no noise,"
said the rabbit gentleman. But 1
suppose one or two Of the animal
boys may want to make Fourth of
July racket"
And, surely enough. when Uncle
wiggily was out walking in the
woods a little later, he heard, from
behind a screen of slippery elm
plants, a voice saying:
'I don't see how we're gcing to
have any fun this Fourth of july"
Sees Squirrel Boys.
ss--affhs,T ,siss -. said pother voice
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

cackled the old man. Babes, ye
fancy they are. with wings. And
there's one wild legs and a bow
and arrow that ye call Cupid
j know where they was found.
The great-great-great-
er of thin all was a billy-goat.
Bein' an editor. sir. do ye happen
to know where Solomon's Temple
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27

stood7"
fancied that II was in-in
Persia? Well, ! did not know.
"'Tis not in history nor in the
Bible where II was. But ! saw
II, meself. The first pictures of
cher-rubs and cupids was sculp-
tured upon thin walls and pill
lars. Two of the biggest, sir,
The Washington herald., 1920-06-27
THE DOOR OF UNREST $

oerched himself
upon desk old Father younger BROTHER
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
SEE HOLT, ADVICE
TO BATTERY USERS

although we are not exhibiting at
the Auto Show this year," said Her.
bert E. Holt to a representative of
the Press. Anyone interested in the
care of batteries or in their cars should
drop in our shop and get practical
demonstration battery and starting
and lighting care
He further stated that "it will be
well for every owner of an electric
starting system to grasp the idea that,
no matter at what point in the sys-
tenn principle is violated, the indemn-
thy is always collected from the bat
terry. Whether in case of abuse by
owner or garage man, or in case some
parts fails to function properly, (for
example, where a regulator ceases to
regulate or an automatic cut-out bellies
it's name, or the insulation gets chafed
off in old fashioned car wiring) the
damage is focused chiefly in the bat
terry. AS result the battery may go
bad through no foult of it's own. As
our name implies service is the main
feature of our business and we are al
ways pleased to be in a position to help
the auto owner get maximum service
from his batteries or electrical sys-
tenn no matter what make.
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
LEE FACTORIES
PRODUCE TIRES
At FAST RATE
Many Factories in United
States Make Fabric Tires;
General Price Advance Ex-
pected in Future.

With 1872 factories producing over
4OO different styles and models Of cars.
there is a greater demand for rubber
Tor use IN automobile tires than ever
Defore In tn history of the automobile
industry. To provide these cars with
tires will mean the importation of
from 175,O00 to 100000 tons of rub
Der, 70 per cent of which will be made
into 4O,O0O,O00 castings and an equal
number of tubes.
THE enormity of the automotive
industry has been emphasized at the
great automobile shows in the various
centers throughout the country this
year as never before since the first
successful automobile was produced a
quarter of century ago.
"There are not enough looms in the
country to weave the fabric necessary
for making the 40,000,O0O tires need
ed this year. Weavers are adding to
their loom equipment, but it is doubtful
if they will be able to make a suffi-
cient increase to produce enough fab
ric. A fabric shortage already exists
and before the year is much older theei
is likely to be tire shortage, as a re-
suit.
"Not only is tire shortage ex.
tremely probable throughout the
United States, but it is positive fac,
that before many more months q
general price advance is expected al
along the line in the rubber and tire
industries" according to Meadow!
Vulcanizing and Service Station.
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
BIG EVENT IS
BUT 4 FEW
DAYS OFF
Otto Jeancorl, Show Man
ager, States Show VIII
Be Best Ever Seen In the
Imperial Valley; Dealers
Are Active.

The last nails are bsing drives
the last details worked out and
everything will be IN fen1iness for
the grand opening GEss1lEe Secon
Annual Imperial vall1 Anto shcw, Y
Thursday, April %, ai1S1Hc14 psG
ent indications the aoet sueeessf0l
on record for the Impekjal velley.
Everything is being dom& bY the
men having the show in MelIarge ~
make it a credit to the industry and
an asset to the comUnnity, not to-
mention the educational " 62iH1ntsGt8
that it will carry to the gereral pub
lie, the new models in bodies, the new
developments in the engines, and the
new feats accomplished by the local
dealers in other lines.
DETAILS SECRET
Otto Jeancon, manager Of the show,
was not in position to give out in
full the names Of distributors show
ing owing to the lack Of word from
number of outside agents. namely,
Los Angeles and San Diego firms, who
have said they will be represented,
but on account of the strike have been
unable to get their latest cars from
the east. Mr.. Jeancon has stated.
however, that more than 65 local and
valley agencies have contracted for
space, including truck, tractor and ac-
cessory dealers.
Closed doors have greeted the
many inquisitive ones who have made
auto shops, hoping by chance to get
a premature glance at the many de-
signs and models to be exhibited.
Some of the shops have been invaded
in particular well known local top
manufacturer and from the. informa-
tion gained there the Ell Centre folks
and the valley as well can prepare
themselves for delightful surprise.
The Press is not at liberty to give
out any secrets, but tip to the wise
is sufficient, and nothing more need
be said along that line other than that
the above firm is not the only one that
has been preparing for weeks in ad-
vance for the auto show Every auto
dealer in the county has looked for
ward with more than usual interest
to the coming show and has prepared
himself accordingly.
Much rivalry exists among the dif-
ferent dealers, each endeavoring to
outdo his competitor. The spirit has
been friendly but nevertheless keen.
and for this reason better and larger
show can be looked forward to on
April 22. % and "a, when the big
doors are opened for the first time,
and reveal to the layman the latest
and newest advancements in the au-
industry.
LEADING INDUSTRY
In the 20 short years that the auto
mobile has been in service it has risen
from obscurity to by far the most inn
portant means of transportation in
Continued on page ~
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17

though his appraisment Of the Buick
was high.
When Hazelton and Simkin formed
the partnership which resulted in their
obtaining the important Imperial
Valley territory, they appointed John
nu Burger head of their sales depart
ment. Burger has been selling Bucks
in this territory for over five years
and is strong supporter Of the slo-
gan Its better to buy Buick than
to wish you had"
Hazelton, Simkin 4 Burger made !
strong working combination which
meant that success would be certain.
How the Buick sales have gained in
the Valley since has been one of the
sensations Of the motor years in this
section. M
eve have found that the Buick
seems to have been built to order for
the Imperial Valley" said Hazelton.
"The Imperial Valley owner wants I
car that will 60 any place at any time.
The Buick power and stamina have
appealed particularly to the owners
who make fast tripss Climbing the
mountain grades or skimming the
long stretches of roads, the Buick has
been uniformly on the job.
"The motor car has become the big
transportation factor in the valley,
but it is only beginning. The day h
eppsing when the per eentage Of au-
t414obiles to tho population vii b.
| greater n Imperial Valley than any
other section Of the cohHtEy. In
proved highways will see wonderful
change in transportation to and from
the Valley"
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
MILLS COLLEGE TO
STAGE MAY DAY FETE

OAKLAND, April 17.-Mills college
students are planning for May Fete
on the shores of Lake Also here this
year that shall eclipse in the spectac-
ular anything that this institution has
staged heretofore.
The costumes will be of the Twelfth
and Thirteenth centuries. The accom-
panying music to the production will
contain selections from Grieg, Schu-
mann, Techaikowsky, and others.
The committees in charge are head
ed by Stella Lewiston of San Francis
CO and May Kellogg of Hollywood, Ha-
eel Jaeger of Juneau, Alaska, publici-
ty; Marian Haish, Hollywood, and
Gladys Hinman, Oakland; costumes
Doris Dosier, Modesto, stage manag.
err, and Lucille Ernest of Sacramento
and Arleigh farrell of Belton, Texas
head ushers.
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
TUBES CAN
Be USED AGAIN,
SAVING MONEY
So Says Ton, Gill of Philley e
Gill, Also Make SUings for
Babies, Life PreserUers, Etc.

Worn-out inner tubes which usu-
ally are thrown into an out-of-the-
way corner of the garage or sold to
the junk man deserve better fate
Just like milady's hairpin. says Tom
Gill of Philley & Gill they can be used
for thousand and one things other
than that for which they were in
tended.
Properly patched and inflated, they
make excellent life preservers, cush-
ions for easy chairs, or swings for ba-
bies. If cut crosswise they make ex-
cellent rubber bands. Pieces of tubes
may be cut with scissors and used in
an emergency for washers. Strips
Of rubber for winding hammer and ak
handles may be obtained by starting
at the end and cutting spirally around
the tube.
Innumerable other ways for using
the tubes will present themselves
once the owner gets out ef the habit
of considering them worthless. Even
the valve stems can be used again to
replace damaged stem in a gooc
tube.
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
BUICK COMPANY
SALES IN VALLEY
SHOW BIG GAIN
Formation of Sales Company
Last July Has Been FOlIOW-
ed by Phenomenal Success:
Both Men Well Educated.

Bringing to the Imperial Valley
the latest and most progressive sales
and service methods, Harry R. Ha-
zelton and Walter r. Simkin last July
established the Imperial Valley Buick
Sales Company with headquarters in
FL Centre. Since that time this or
ganization has become one of the
most prominent factors in the automo-
bile business of the valley.
Although they were new to this Sec
ton, Hazelton and Simkin were veter-
ans in the automobile business. 1t
is doubtful if there could have been
found two men whose experience COW
cred more of the essentials of the sue
cessful methods of automobile mer-
chandising.
Hazelton and Simkin received their
graduate courses in modern automo-
bile business on the sales floor of the
Howard Automobile Company in Los
Angeles. The Howard organization
today is the largest distributor of au-
tomobiles in the world and necessari-
II lyly must constantly be alert to the
most progressive methods. Both Ha-
zelton and Simkin closely studied the
Howard ideas and the result was that
the Imperial Valley gained one of the
| livest organizations in the state wher
the Imperial Valley Buick Sales Com.
( pany come to Ell Centre.
There is not man in America
probably, who knows more about ths
Buick than Hazelton. Before becom
ing a salesman he was one of the fore.
most Buick experts. Knowing thu
construction of the cars down to thu
last bolt, he was particularly success
full when he stepped on the salesfloor
He could tell his prospect immediate
ly the complete functions Of ever.
working part.
/ Simkin, veteran of the Boer war
is still young man. He too was n;
highly successful Buick salesman
He had that faith in the Buick whicl
all who come to know it have. He sol'
! hundreds of Bucks won by the homes
statements, for never an owner eve
came back to say that Simkin eve
had made one Misrepresentation al
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
elaborate DECORATIONS TO|
SET OFF s500,000 EXHIBITS
Enthusiasm of Local Dealers Brings Forth Favorable
Comments; This Is Second Show Of Imperial Valley
Dealers; Four Committees at Work Hard; Sixty-Fiv
Local Cars to be Display; Tractors and Accessories
Galore. sa,sat,-.Asa 49,
Y I'm IN III T Ftst 1 h aA . l'rs'

a pace for others to follow and be the
talk Of the entire state.
Contracts for the decorations were
let this week and the decorations will
be the most elaborate in the entire
valley. Pleasure cars, tractors and
trucks will be given their respective
spaces in the two large buildings. s
VISITORS SURPRISED
The interest, energy, and hard work
being put into it by each individual
member is remarked upon by visitors
to the city, VINO themselves are engag-
ed in the automobile game, and the
encouragement received from these
visiting dealers is serving to make the
Imperial Valley dealers work all the
harder. Nothing short of a remark
able show is the expression heard from
strangers when they hear of the size
and scope of the exhibition to be put
on by the valley people. Many ex-
hibitors from San Diego and Los An
geles will be represented and especially
a number of Los Angeles tractor men
are planning on being well represented.
While the Imperial Valley Auto
Dealers Association is made up of
the dealers of Ell Centre, Brawley and
Calexico, all of whom will have on
exhibition the cars they are selling
they do not intend to have the ex-
hibition for themselves alone. By
bringing in outside dealers the asso-
citation believe the competition brought
out will aid them in their business
besides being valuable addition to
the show.
Again assembling the different
makes of cars under one roof will give
Imperial Valley press., 1920-04-17
AUTO CLUB WOULD
CHECK GASOLINE

There is no definite check available
on the amount of gasoline being used
annually by the motorists of Southern
California, according to the auto
club, and that organization is anxious
to get the opinion of the touring
public on the subject.
Mr.. Motorist, how many gallons
of gasoline do you use month? How
many do you use day?
This paper is cooperating with
the club in finding out whether or
not the southern part of California is
the greatest motoring field in the
world, and in order to do this every
automobile owner is asked to aid by
giving his individual opinion on the
matter, as well as the approximate
figures on his gasoline consumption.
The touring bureau and sign-post-
ing department of the auto club place
the estimate at between four and five
gallons per day for each motorist in
the southern part of the state. This
does not mean that every motorist
uses this much gas, but that if the
amount used by all motorists here
daily were added together and reap
portioned evenly, then it would be
shown that the average motorist uses
about four gallons each day.
But other experts declare that this
figure is too high. Another estimate
| is advanced that the total average
consumption of gasoline annually by
each auto owner is 400 gallons. Ac-
cordin gto the auto clubs published
figure, the average individual con-
sumption is about 100 gallons a
year.
What do you think about it. The
bureau of mines and oils in Los An
geles is now at work getting the
most accurte figures on the question
possible, and the estimate of the
bureau will be published in these
columns shortly.
In the meantime, get out your
pencil and decide what you consider
to be the truth of the matter, ther
send your answer to the Automobile
Club of Southern California at the
nearest branch office or to the head
quarters. The nearest correct esti
mate will be made public. In addi
tion, the club is anxious to put OF
record the answers of all who ar.
public spirited enough to reply. 1
is believed that there is more touring
in this part of the state than il
any other part of the world. Will yo,
help to prove it?