davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01
HORN WAS o, X.

Possibly the apex of sarcasm or some-
thing was reached the other day when
Jones took his fivver to a repair shop
and asked the man there what was the
best thing to do with II.
The repair man looked the car over
In silence for several minutes, after which
he graspod the horn and footed IT,
you've a good horn there" he remark
ed quietly. suppose you jack 1t ur
and run new car under it?"-Bostor
Transcript.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01
WATERFORD FARMER HAS
A NARROW ESCAPE
Pinned Among Timbers OF Falling
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Two Hours


Building-UncOnsciOu Two Hours
st. Johnsbury, Dec. 2s.-Morton D..
Lyster a Waterford farmer, is resting
comfortably at Brightlook hospital af-
ter an experience Saturday that nearly
cost him his life. He was shovelling oats
from that portion Of the Mcleod mill
that was not entirely burned in the big
fire of December 3rd when portion of
the timbers began to fall. His only es-
cape was through a window and here he
was caught and so severely pinched that
he was unconscious two hours. Fortunate
ly no bones were broken and the doctors
could find no internal injuries. Mr.. Lyster
hopes his troubles will end with the close
of the year as all his farm buildings were
burned two weeks ago, while he was
serving as juryman at Caledonia county
court
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01
FOUR MEN SAW WAY
OUT OF PRISON

Wethcrsfeld, Conn, Dec. 2s.-Four
prisoners escaped from the Connecticut
State prison here this morning by saw
ing their way through the wall of a bath
house and scaling the wall after they
had eluded three guards One of those
who escaped was Edward Slattery sem
fenced from Bridgeport to life imprison-
ment for murder in the second degree.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01
A RELIC

Mistress ito newly installed cook
"Matthews! what does this maean? How
did this policeman get here?"
Cook equal TO the occasion)-"Dunno.
mum. 'E must ave hin left over by the
last cook. "-Passing Show, London.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01

Rochester. n. Y, Dec. 29.-Waterman
Clark. aged ~. a retired farmer, who lived
near Lyndonville. died to-day from hav-
ing drunk a beverage containing wood
alcohol.
Clark went to Lockport last week and
1t is believed he visited number of
saloons. He was brought home on Christ
mas eve blind. He died to-day and his
physician diagnosed the case as wood
alcohol poisoning.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01
CH|COPEE HOTEL
OWNER ARRESTED
Charged With Manslaughter in
Causing Death of Poison
Liquor Victim

Chicopee, Mass, Dec. en-. Edward
Lyons, proprietor of the Hadley Hotel
in Hadley. was arrested this afternoon
on three warrants sworn out by State
Detective Joseph V. DAILY of Northamp-
ton the arrest resulting from the large
number of deaths throughout this section
from the drinking of 'whiskey" alleged
to have contained wood alcohol. Lyons is
charged with manslauehter in causing the
death of Michael Schinski of Hadley. who
died Sunday it is claimed from drinking
some of the poisonous liquor alleged to
have been purchased in the Hadley hotel.
He was released under $4,000 bonds on this
charge. The other two charges refer to
illegal liquor selling. He will be arraigned
in district court in Northampton to-mor-
row morning.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01

Meriden, Conn, Dec, 8.-Edward Stat
terry, Charles Dewey and Frank Lamb,
three Of four prisoners who escaped from
the state prison at Wethersfield this
morning, were captured by local police
tonight just north Of this city after
running chase in which three shots were
fired
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01

Classified ads are news messages from
people who live i'm your city, who have
business to do with you. and who seek
through these little ads to get in touch
with
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01

II don't know what we can make of
Ethel" said the mother. "she sleeps so
much" II know, mamma" said Tommy,
make a chaperon of her."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1920-01-01

Oxford. Eng. Dec. 2o.-Sir William Oslcr,
Me noted physician who has been i'll for
several weeks past died here this eve
ming.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
GOT MARX TWAIN STIRRED UP
Humorlst, Tired Of Listening to Series
Of Remarkable Stories, Rose to
the Occasion.

A naval officer said at a banquet
in New York:
"Some of the war stories that hear
remind me of Mark Twain. Mark, you
know, once sat in the smoking room
of a steamer and listened for an hour
or two to some remarkable lies. Then
he drawled:
"Boys, these feats of yours that
you've been telling about recall an adj
venture of my own in Hannibal. There
was a fire In Hannibal one night, and
old man Hankinson got caught in the
fourth story of the burning house. 1t
looked as If he was a goner. None
of the ladders was long enough to
reach him. The crowd stared at one
another with awed eyes. Nobody could
think Of anything to do. Then all Of
a sudden, boys. an idea occurred to
me. Fetch me a rope I" yelled. Some
body fetched a rope, and with great
presence Of mind l flung the end of it
up to the old man. "Tie her round
your waist" l yelled. Old man Han
kinson did so and 1 pulled him
down."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
EAT LESS AND TAKE
SALTS FOR KIDNEYS
Take a Glass Of Salts " Your Back
Hurts or Bladder
Bothcrs.

The American men and women must
guard constantly against Kidney trou-
bic. because we eat too much and all
our food Is rich. Our blood is filed
with uric acid which the kidneys strive
to filter out, they weaken from over
work, become sluggish; the ellmlnatlve
tissues clog and the result is kidney
trouble. bladder weakness and a gen
eral decline In health.
When your kidneys feel like Jumps
Of lead your back hurts or the urine
IS cloudy full Of sediment or you are
obliged 10 seek relief two or three
times during the night; if you suffer
with sick headache or dizzy. nervous
spells. acid stomach. or you have rheu-
matism when the weather Is bad. get
from your pharmacist about four
ounces Of Jad Salts; take a table
spoonful 10 n glass Of water before
breakfast for few days and your
kidneys viii then act fine. This IA
nous salts is made from the acid Of
grapes and lemon juice, combined
with lithia, and has been used for
generations to flush and stimulate
clogged kidneys; to neutrallze the
acids in the urine so Il no longer is a
source Of irritation. thus ending
bladder disorders.
Jad Salts Is inexpensive; cannot in
lure. makes a delightful efervescent
A.,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
GET READY
FOR FLU"
Keep Your Liver Active, Your
System Purified and Free From
Colds by Taking Calotabs,
the Nausealess Calomel
Tablets, that are De-
hghtful, Safe and
Sure.

Physicians and Druggists are advis-
ing their friends to keep their systems
purified and their organs in perfect
working order as a protection against
the return Of influenza. They know
that e clogged up system and a lazy
liver favor colds, influenza and serious
complications.
To cut short a cold overnight and to
prevent serious complications take one
Calotab at bedtime with q swallow of
water-that's all. No salts, no nausea,
no gripping, no sickening after effects.
Next morning your cold has vanished,
your liver is active, your system is puri-
fed and refreshed and you are feeling
fine with a hearty appetite for break
fast. Eat what you please-no danger.
Calotabs are sold only in original
sealed packages, price thirty-fve cents.
Every druggist is authorized to refund
your money If you are not perfectly
delighted with Calotabs.-(Adv.)
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
LONG SINCE HE HEARD WORD
Tramp Probably Would Have Needed
Dictionary to Get Proper Def
milton Of Morals.

The tramp was long, skinny indl-
vidual with a particularly yillainous
cast Of cOuntenance, and he wore a
pair of trousers that had been de-
signed for man Of at least three
times his diameter. His rap on the
farmhouse door brought out a sour,
hard-faced puritanical woman who
froze him with one glance and then
proceeded to eye him up and down
especially down.
"You needn't ask me for anything"
she said, harshly. 81 can see that your
morals are of the loosest kind and that
you deserve nothing"
"Wen, num-" replied the tramp,
glancing down at his neither garments.
'mebbe so, though l amt never heard
'em called that name before. Probly
me tailor amt jes' up TO date, but If
you won't give me somethin' to help
fill 'em out mabbe you'd spare me a bit
Of rope to hold 'em up with."-Ex-
change.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

There are countless uses for tin
boxes.
Most dealers in cigarettes have on
hand boxes of this kind, eleven inches
long. six inches wide and four inches
deep, which are thrown away. Some
dealers are glad to accommodate per
sons who desire these tin receptacles
and will give them away without cost.
The following are some very good
ways In which the tin boxes can be
utilized:
Lunch boxes when out camping or
fishing, as they will hold a good sup
ply of lunch.
Covered with a white enamel and
used as a cake-box or bread-box.
Keeping food away from rats, mice
and other pests.
Painted and used as a flower box
Thrift Magazine.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
WOMEN NEED SWAMP ROOT

Thousands of women have kidney and
bladder trouble and never suspect it.
Womens complaints often prove to be
nothing else but kidney trouble. or the
result OF kidney or bladder disease
If the kidneys are not in a healthy
condition. they may cause the other or
gans TO become diseased.
Pain in the back, headache, loss Of am
bition, nervousness. are often times symp-
toms Of kidney trouble.
Don't delay starting treatment. DR..
Kilmer's Swamp-Root. a physicians pre-
scription, obtained at any drug store. may
be just the remedy needed to overcome
such conditions.
Get a medium or large size bottle i'm
mediately from any drug store.
However, if you wish first to test this
great preparation send ten cents to DR..
hilmer & Co., Binghemton, N. Y, for
sample bottle When writing be sure and
mention this paper.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
Acid Stomach
Makes the Body Sour
Nine Out of Ten People
Suffer From II

1t sends its harmful acids and gases all
over the body, instead of health and
strength. Day and night this ceaseless dam
age goes on. No matter how strong, its
victim cannot long Withstand the health
destroying effects of an acid stomach.
Good news for millions of suffererA
Chemists have found a sure remedy-ons
that takes the acid up and carries it out
of the body; of course, when the cause ID
removed, the sufferer gets well.
Bloating, Indigestion, sour. acid, gassy
stomach miseries all removed. This /.
proven by over half million ailing folks
who have taken EAToNIC with wonder.
full benefits. 1t can be obtained from any
druggist, who will eheerfully refund ito
trihing cost if not entirely satisfactory.
Everyone should enjoy its benefits. Ere
quently the first tablet gives relief.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Hugh Walpole, the English novelist,
said at tea in Philadelphia:
81 advise you, If you go to London,
to engage your hotel accommodation
in advance. for all the London hotels
are crowded all the time.
IAN American was walking the
Strand the other day. when a red
nosed chap touched his arm and said !:
"'Could you give me a few coppers,
sir, for a bedF
"'A few coppersT said the Ameri-
can. Why, man, I'll give you a cou-
pie Of soverelgns. Where the deuce
is it? I've been looking for a bed all
over this blasted town for two days p"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

A village minister in New England
was called upon to go several miles
into the country to otficiate at the flu
neral of a farmers wife. Arrived at
the house Of grief, the minister spoke
the usual words of sympathy and con-
dolence to the bereft husband:
''You have met with a great loss,
brother"
"Yaas," was the reply, "an' 1t makes
good the old sayln' that misfortunes
never come singly. 1 lost my best boss
four days ago, an now she's gone. l
tell We I'm gettin' hit hard. "-Harper's
Weekly.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
THAT FADED FR0CK
WILL DYE LIKE NEW
"DIamond Dyes" Freshen Up Old,
Discarded Garments.

Don't worry about perfect results.
Use Diamond Dyes" guaranteed to
give a new, rich, fadeless color to any
fabric, whether 1t be wool, silk, linen,
cotton or mixed goods,--dresses,
blouses, stockings, skirts, children's
coats, feathers-everyth
Direction Book in package tells how
to diamond dye over any color. To
match any material, have dealer show
you Diamond Dye" Color Card.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

The chaplain came plodding along
the road coming back from the front
lines several hours after the infantry
had gone over the top.
How are things going up there?'
inquired an artillery lieutenant.
"Fine, fine" said the chaplain.
Were knocking them for a goal"
Haven't seen many prisoners" sal
the lieutenant, skeptically.
"No, and l guess you won't" replied
the chaplain; "our machine guns hav-
emit jammed all morning."-Home Sec
tor.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
Indigestion, Pain In Heart

Danville, Vat used to suffer with
dreadful spells of indigestion so that my
heart would pain me, I would bloat up so
with gas. DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery and DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pei
lets relieved me at once and eventually
cured me Of this suffering. At the same
woman's trouble, for which I took DR..
Pieree's Favorite Prescription, and wns
entirely restored TO perfect health and
relieved Of all pains Mrs. Alice Terrell.
700 Green St
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
ThiTtYRunningSOr

Remember, I stand back OF every box
Every druggist guarantees TO refund the
purchase price Us cents II Peterson's
Ointment doesn't do all / claim.
/ guarantee II for eczema old sores,
running sores, salt rheum. ulcers, sore
nipples. broken breasts, itching skin, skin
diseases, blind, bleeding and Itching piles
as well as for chatting, burns, scalds, cuts.
bruises and sunburn
Il had 80 running sores on my leg for
II years was In three different hospitals
Amputation was advised. Skin grating
was tried. / was cured by using Peter
sons Ointment Mrs f. e Root, gs7
Michigan street, Buffalo. N Y. Mail or
ders filled by Peterson Ointment Co., Buff
falo, N. Y.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

In Queensland March l is kept as a
holiday sacred to st. David. the patron
saint Of Wales, who resided in Meme
via, which early became a popular
place of pilgrimage. William the Con-
queror, Henry II and Edward went
to this place. Two pilgrimages to
Menevia were commonly regarded as
the equivalent of one pilgrimage to
Rome.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Max Eastman said at a Greenwich
village tea:
"a millionaire business man lee
tured me about my discomfort the
other day, He said there was never
such chance for bright men as now.
He said there were any number of
$4,000 openings for bright men.
"'of course there arer said I You
need the very brightest men you can
get to think up new reasons for boost
ing your prices still higher"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

'There is said to be a great de
mand for S10OO0-a-year men," re
marked Mr.. Gadspur.
$50 l hear" said Mr.. Dumbwaite
"Any special requirements"
"Well, I understand there isn't much
talk about a five-day week and a six
hour day in $4,000 a year circles. The
idea seems to be that a man can work
six days a week for eight or ten hours
A day without wrecking his health,
and he might even look in on the job
for an hour or two on Sunday, if nee
essary."-Birmingham Age-Herald.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

They skated together, but little they
said, for they'd just been made known
to each other. But he wished as
across the bright surface they sped
that through life they might thus go
together.
A crash They were through
"Oh, how awkward" cried she.
"'Tisn't deep, but has any one seen
usf"
"Never mind. Let me tell you love
you," said he, "since the ice is now
broken between us."-Houston Post.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

81 want to buy a battleship," said
the lady secretary of the navy.
''WeIl?"
81 wonder If l could get the chair
woman of the naval committee inter
ested?"
ASK her to go battleship shopping
with you."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

On retiring gently rub spots of dam
druff and itching with Cuticura olnt-
ment. Next morning shampoo with
Cuticura Soap and hot water. Make
them your everyday toilet preparations
and have a clear skin and soft, white
hands.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Doctor Squills-My wife gave a
Welsh rarebit party last night.
Doctor Pills-Was 1t a success7
Doctor Squills--Immense I've had
ten extra calls today.-Boston Tran
script.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
FRECKLES
Now Is the Time to Get Rid Of
Theaa lJoiv Snota-

There's no longer the slightest need Of
feeling ashamed OF your freckles, as Othins
double Strengths guaranteed to remove
these homey spots.
Simply get ounce OF othine-double
strength-from your druggist, and apply
little OF II night and morning and you
should see that even the worst freckles
have begun to disappear while the lighter
ones have vanished entirely. II is seldom
that more than one ounce is needed to com.
pletely clear the skin and gain a beautiful
clear complexion
Be sure to ask for the double strength
Othine, as this is sold under guarantee OF
money back II It fails to remove freckles.F
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Good many scraps in the house
these days." remarked the parliament
tartan.
what Of tit"
II was Just thinking I'd better post
up little bit on prize fight rules
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

81 am all up in the air about sending
this letter."
"Then why not forward 1t by the
flying mailf"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

"Have you ever heard any table rap
ping?"
"No, but I've heard a lot of knock
ing when a pieced-up supper was be-
ing served"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

whats the fuss at the fountalnf
cholly has been drinking there all
day."
yes, and the druggist has refused
to sell him any more iee-cream soda"
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

If your eyes smart or feel sealded, Ro.
man Eye Balsam applied upon going to bed
Is Just the thing to relieve them.-Adv.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

''There is a nut needed about that
automobile" at can't be the one that's
driving It."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

perhaps that is the reason people
don't have as much of it put in their
mouths as they used to-"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

State Of Ohio. City OF Toledo. Lucas
County-ss.
Frank ]. Cheney makes oath that he Is
ledo, County and State aforesaid. and that
said firm will pay the sum Of ONE HUN
DRED DOLLARS for any case OF Catarrh
that cannot be cured by the use of
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE.
FRANK ]. CHENEY.
Sworn 10 before me and subscribed in
my presence, this 9Th day Of December,
A D. 1856.
(seaD A. w Gleason, Notary Public.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE is TAX
en- internally and acts through the Blood
on the Mucous Surfaces OF the System.
+. J. Cheney & Co.. Toledo Ohio.
F. J. Cheney & Co, Toledo, Ohio.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Instead of sending a friend on a
fools errand. go yourself.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Big game herds are increasing rap
idly on the four United States big
game reservations.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

A girl IS apt to have many pressing
engagements before she marries.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

The average man doesn't care to
pose as a hero when nobody's looking.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
Girls! GirlS!!I
SaveYOurH Hair
With CutiCura|


George. dearl" began the worried
woman,
Eyes, wotisit?' grunted George, with
out looking up from his newspaper.
Would you mind helping me with
little bit of arithmetic" she pleaded.
mot at all"
"Well, if we pay the new cook the
wages she wants will we have enough
money left to buy anything for her to
cook ?"-London Answers.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

English clergymen are forming a
trade union to get better pay and
working conditions
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Eternity has no gray hairs.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

'Favorite Prescription. and / have used
the Golden Medical Discovery aud Pleas.
ant Pellets whenever I have felt the
need Of a tonic. and when constipated or
distressed with sluggish liver.
Il consider DR.. Pierce's medicines the
very best remedies on the market."-Mrs.
J. H. Kline, $50 Patton st.
Fredericksburg, ya.-"At one time
became all rundown, weak and nervous.
suffered with nausea. Ny mother ad-
yised me to take DR.. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription and it soon stopped all nausea
and built me up. and l felt well during
the remainder Of the time. also had 4
very fine, strong, healthy baby.
I'VE have also used DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery and Pleasant Pellets
IN the family. They are very excellent
remedies Mrs w. T. Layton, 900 Ma
tional Boulevard.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

You may know some men If YOU
know some people they know.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Cruel Comment
"Mr. Jobbs says he would die for
me" "He can't. He hasn't got hair
enough"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23

Even the girl with a rat in her hair
may be afraid Of a mouse.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
! |, | / i
J J: G 3 n !: D IN:
S-IyPA g elsk5ast EagoIeIHE sEaAIs--1

Some wives seem to think that hus.
bands were made to order.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1920-04-23
What Women Say
nanvillc. Va.-"From my earliest child.

Golden Medical Dis
covery have been
used by my people.
Ny mother depended
upon these remedies
whenever her chill
dren seemed lisiless
or sluggish, and !
am sure they saved
her many a doctor
bill.
when l was de
veloping into WON
-...LaU