The Washington herald., 1920-02-10
Folks and Things
Around Washington
Labert St. Clair.

Former Representative Cullop, OF
Indiana. once sent a list of post
master aspirants to the Postmaster r
General with the recommendation
that they be appointed.
Say. Representative" the Post
master General teiephoned him, IA
few days later. II can't appoint
these men; they're too old. Suggest
some new names"
iii do it, Mr.. Postmaster Cen
eral." Cullop replied, sbut not until
I've gone back home and got the
family Bibles of my new candidates
to file with their applications. /
can't be taking any more chances
on ages"
The oldest watchman at the
Capitol. w. +. Morgan. who is said
to resemble Uncle Joe" Cannon,
saw some visitors lunging at q
locked door the other day, so he
asked:
Are you folks looking for an
exit?"
Nav" replied the father of the
flock, giving the door a mighty
kick, I'VE want TO git out of this
here place"
When, in the very near future,
probably. President Wilson, regains
his health sufficiently. to take a turn
at the golf course. he won't be both
cred with many other players or Wis
itors at his favorite club. the Kirk
side. 1t is an exclusive affair COM
posed of only 100 members, and II is
mighty seldom that more than half a
dozen Of them are on the course at
the same time. Oftentimes It is alb
solutely impossible for a member to
find anyone to play with. And at
that the club is not composed of
wealthy men. Some of them. in fact,
draw only moderate government SAL
aries They are just 100 kindred souls.
The waiting list at the club is long.
Mr.. Dubb scarcely had alighted from
the day-coach of the ''Hoosier Spe-
ciar' when he made a discovery
which rocked the political world. He
learned that there is at work in
Washington a business agent of the
Presidential Candidates Union, who.
to date, has signed at least a dozen
White House aspirants and bound
them irrevocably to obey the union
rules In regard to making Presidential
races. Those rules, which Mr.. Dubb
nonchalantly dropped. along with a
detachable cuff. on ye scribe's desk,
follow:
Each potential Presidential can
didate must announce as far in ad =
vance of the conventions as possible
that under no circumstances will he
be candidate. and that his hearts
desire Is to devote the rest of his
life to prune raising. literature, bar
bering, or the law.
Immediately following the issu.
ance of this statement the candI-
date must begin accepting all invi-
tations to address public meetings
and order several gross of cabinet
photographs of himself. Candidates
having families must have pictures
taken of themselves seated among
their families. registering happi-
ness.
In responding to Introductory
speeches in which his name is men,
toned as a Presidential possibility
each candidate must declare vigor-
ously that his mind is not on the
Presidency, but rather. on the suf-
ferings Of the common people. Qn
sections where prickly heat, hog
cholera, letter, ETC., are prevalent,
candidates may use their own judg-
ment as to making local applica-
tions.)
II no urgent demand for the can
didate to run appears within one
month after his announcement that
he will not be a candidate. he must
have some friendly person. prefer
ably not a brother or son, write and
urge his candidacy. A reply to such
letter should be modest in tone and
not longer than 5000 words.
Publication. of the foregoing cor.
espondence probably will produce
a charge that the candidates pa
ternal great-grandfather stole a
horse. and emphatic denial must
be made Of this statement. The
union does not require, however.
that the candidate state what 1t
clash with the constabulary.
These preliminaries completed.
each candidate must announce his
candidacy on platform of "the
greatest good for the greatest num-
ber," pay up his lodge dues, lay in
a supply of throat 1ozenges. have
his white vest cleaned sand his
string tie pressed and prepare to
make the great sacrifice.
These regulations are said toAbe
appealing strongly to candidates
because of the Widespread convic-
ton that this year the people are
tired of politacians and political
tricks and are demanding some-
thing new.