Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1920-01-08
THE CHAFFING DISH

Inelr noteDOORS were nlleu tney WOULD tele-
phone to the assistant city chatter informing
him of what they had found. Some of these
district chaffers would be sent out on special
assignment to lie in wait for humor at the
places most likely for it to occur, such as the
Office of the city statistician, the Cinder and
Bloodshot smoking cars, the wharves and
ferries, the hotel hat check racks. When
these able individuals telephoned in their
findings the assistant city chatter would turn
the gist of their japes over to the rewrte
chatter. This expert would rapidly hit the
high spots of each item and turn it over to
the copy desk chaffers, q group of exceed
ingly specialized wits who would brood over
it with much strong tobacco and write
headline for it.
TNHE glittering nuggets would now pass
l. over to the city chatter himself. who
would con them over carefully, on the look
out for anything vulgar or trite All puns
would be bitterly excised. Then the residue
would be rapidly set up in type and the
managing chatter would examine the proofs.
After this, the executive chatter would lay
out the makeup of the Dish
All these processes were delightfully."- and
clearly illustrated on the chart, in which
each individual concerned was represented
from his rectangle to that of his next su-
perior chatter. This, the expert explained
to us, indicated the routine of function. He
said that the chart should be framed and
hang over the desk of the executive chatter,
so that the latter could refer to it when
hiring or firing any one
WE ASKED what would become of us in
w this reorganization, and he explained
that in any modern system of management
the man highest up is not supposed to take
hand in details, but should confine himself
to general consideration of policy. He said
there should be a conference of Socrates
with the city chatter the assistant city
chatter, the managing chatter and the ex-
ecutive chatter at Q o'clock every morning
in which the general plans of the days work
should be laid out. The rest of our time,
he said, ought to be spent in welding, NOR
tising and beveling one really superb qup
per day, in keeping the files up to date and
answering correspondence. He said that no
institution that is based on the persistent
neglect of correspondence can hope, in the
bitter competition of modern times, to long
! survive. That is just the way he put ito
| long survive.
| TT IS perfectly true that this alarmed us
| l. not a little We looked bit wistfully
| at his chart, at his load diagram blanks,
| on which he said he would have to plot and
| compute the varying intake and output of
chaff passing among our pigeonholes. He
| even said that we ought to do away with
| pigeonholes altogether, and recommended a
fat top desk mahogany with sheet of
| plate glass and a buzzer connecting with
the telegraph chatter, who would handle the
| Associated Chaff dispatches and all foreign
and international chaff.
Then we began to think it over. 1t would
be jolly to be reorganized like that But, on
meditation, it occurred to us that the staff
would be bit unwieldy to use one roll ton
desk-twelve district chaffers, four copy desk
chafers, a rewrte chatter, assistant city
chatter, city chatter, telegraph chatter, man
aging chatter, executive chatter and Soc
| rates-twenty three in all.
On the whole, perhaps we shall have to
struggle along as we are and Jim Stokes and
the others who scowl at us because We
haven't answered their nice letters will have
to forgive and forget.
Still, it just occurs to us that we might
give the new system a tryout one of these
days. Wen put it into operation for on,
day, and then tell our high born clients, wifi
complete candor, what happeps
SOCRATES.