davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
PESSIMISTS
BY EDMUND VANCE COOK

By EDMUND VANCE COOKE.
John y. McDubb has a roast for the
The clerk of the courts and the county
: surveyor;
He riddles the man in the governors
scat
And the President plainly was meant
for his meat.
For John Y. Med.
Was defeated. you see.
When he ran for an Office in one-nine-
o-three.
Mildred Van VIique rails at Gary and
Schwab;
She thinks that John D. should be
fired from the job;
She complains that SUCCESSES all gam
BILE and chance
And employers mismanage their men
and their plants.
For Mildred Van Vlique
Has Cause for her pid6e,
For she can't keep a housemaid for
more than a week.
Merrie N. Wilde says that teachers
are fools
And school superintendent are spoil
ing the schools.
And college professors are only half
Drained
So the next generation is wholly I'M
trained.
For good Mrs. Wilde
Has a five-year-old child
Which keeps all her relatives wrath
full and riled.
Querilos Quest says that life is a
curse,
are worse;
That art is delusion and business is
graft
And the world and the devil are equal
ly daft.
For Querilos Quest
In the midst of his vest
Has stomach which hungers. but
doesn't digest.
Copyright. 1920. N. E. A.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
At the Theaters

Garrick-'aThe Letter Of the Law"
Nstional-Robert Mantsn in Hamlet"
Heiasco-"Daddies."
Pou's-"Ho More Blondes."
Moore's RisIto-"shepherd Of the Hius.''
Loew's Palace-"scarlet Days"
Crandars METROPOLITAN - Naximoyn An
stronger Than Death"
Loew's CoiumbiA-Robert Warwick in ''Ths
Tree Of knowledge"
Cosmos-Continuou vaudeville and pictures
CrandaiI's Knickerbocker-Alice Brady IN
The Fear Market"
b. v. Keith's-vaudeville.
efty."
Moore's Gsrden-Lionel Barrymore in The
Oopperhend."
Moors's Strand Gladys BrockveIl In
FLAMES of the Flesh"
Gsyety-Ross sydelIs Londeu Bellies.
Folly-''Rcund tbs Town"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03


After making the rounds of the
show places of Washington several
years ago the late Representative
RICHARD w AUSTIN, Of Tennes-
see. said to me:
Washington is a city of mu-
seums"
At that time there were museums
connected with several of the exec
utive departments in addition to the
National Museum, Smithonian Insti-
tute and Army Medical Museum. He
SAID he visited the interesting lit
tie museum in the Postofice De-
nartment. connected with the Dead
Letter Division: the rare historical
relics in the Navy Yard Museum:
the museum of the Secret Service
In the Treasury Department.: the
Oldroyd Lincoln Museum on Tenth
street; the Department Of Agricul-
lure Museum: the curious inven-
IONS then exhibited at the Patent
oilce. and the museum and aqua
RUINS of the United States Fish
Commission in the old Armory
Building on Sixth street.
L find that in recent years abo,rf all
OF the lesser museums have been dis
continued and the exhibits placed in
the enlarged National Museum. One
on the mos, interesting show places in
washington years ago. before Mr.
Austin came to Congress. was the
ordnance museum connected with the
war Department and located in the
Ninder Building, Seventeenth and r
streets northwest
In 1t were remarkable records of the
civil war-the stump of an oak tree
shot down by musket balls as it stood
within the bloody angle" on Spott-
sylvania battlefield. Va.s the black flag
raised by the Confederates at Fort
Pillow, the first rapid-fire gun used
in the sixties and nicknamed the cof-
fee-grinder." besides many battle FLAGS
of both the Union and Confederate
forces, with their thrilling histories
attached.
When this museum was discontinue
ed, was informed, the exhibits were
boxed and stored in the basement Of
the War Department. The Navy Yard
Museum, now discontinued. also con-
tained many relics of wars from the
Revolution to the war with Spain.
This museum building was shaded
by willow tree grown from a slip
Of one of the trees over the grave of
Napoleon, at st. Helena. In the build
ing were guns captured by the in
trepid Decatur from Algiers and
Tripoli at the time our navy taught
those countries a salutary lesson at
the point of Uncle Sans big guns.
In the Dead Letter Museum Of the
Postoffice Department were combus-
tibles and explosives found in the
malls, from firecrackers to large in
fernal machines; tarantulas and CEN
tipedes; false teeth, skull. loaded pis-
toll, alligator, horned toads. snakes in
jars. Indian scalp and other uncanny
things.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
Round the Town
Jaunting With
Capt J. Walter Mitchell.

There is not a stone remaining there,
a relic of that fine, old hall;
For strangers came the spot to
share,
And bade the stately structure
DOUGLAS THOMPSON.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
A LINE O. CHEER
EACH DAY O. THE YEAR
BY John Kendriek Bangs.

RESOLUTION.
Pure dust am ], and unto dust
Some day. somewhere. return ]
must,
But while / have the breath of life
No bit of blatant windy strife.
Or blast of wrong,
Dust though ! be
Shall e'er blow me
Along,
And land me high and dry
In some wayfarer's eye.
Copyright. 1890. by The Mcclure
Newspaper SyndIcateJ
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
The Weather

Fsreensf. ~.
District Of Ceiunbds To-Day. eiootys %
morrow, unsetflet; not much change IN tenn
peraturs. Gentle and variable viDds-
harylan6-roday. fair. not much chanre IN
temperntnrs; tomorrow, partly CLOUDY and
colder. oenfis and variable vinds-
yirrinis-Todsy. cloudy; probably rain IN
southeast. portion; tomorrow, fair. hOderats
north and borfhanst vin1s.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
To BE American Birds.

A friend in the War Department
sends me this interesting bit OF
news:
"A former first lieutenant and
two former second lieutenants.
Royal Air Force, England, have just
enlisted as privates in the U. S.
Air Service, at Mitchell Field. Long
Island. New York.
The three former English fiiers
all saw service in France through
out the war. and enlisted In our
new democratic, peace-tipe army
to take advantage of the courses
in the Air Service Schools.
"A former oflcer of the Danish
army. who corresponded regularly
with a friend in the American
army. landed In this country yes
terday and enlisted in a coast ar.
tillery. band to continue his musical
education"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
Our Progress in Postal Speed.

congress
extension OF the air mail service as and quite unnece
adjunct of our postal system the records of the
aerial letter carriers offer interesting when
pared early fcats of fast transportation
Today plans being made establish
plane mail service and trabazng flights have been
west Omaha These experiments just sixty from
time the first carried mail from St Louis young
but husting State of California
the beginning operation preceded BY the pubIc
ton in ST. Louis in March, 1860 of the following
tiscment:
ITO San Francisco in eight days The First Carrier
Express will leave the Missouri River Tuesday April
regularly thereafter, carrying only Telegraph
eight days letters ten days to San Francisco"
Ten riders going each with changed horses every twenty
five miles, brought the pouches of mail
The population OF San Francisco and other California
eagerly welcomed this bringing with
the States from which the gold hunters
had migrated
One Of the memorable pony express was
the delivery of Lncoln inaugural address when
Western country waiting news from Wash
The address Joseph No. the takingo
place of the Wrapped saddle
way amid wild cheers Fresh
horses waited miles, miles before San
Francisco reached made in hyone
by riders total of 1850 miles in 1s5 hours an
little than That
in days
Dorpray enthusiast on aviation predicts that
fouhour mail
Scanning what accomplished the days
OF the only the pessimc will prediction
Fishes quarts whisky from the steamer Var
mouth headline. The officers however, persist in
believing they of pcatoria exhibit
two-legged fish
There is doubt that talk cheap
than their share of whsn words on the
Washington will be the city report the number of its
residents for the Some other community
reporting the number of IT'S citizens.
Representative Banton advises Congress organized
labor thinks the Texas should own advice
What Mr. Roper evidently desires long to watch red
+
requires no Solomon to discover politics is taken ont
OF the medals controversy there will controversy
Speaking of appropriate moners Mr. Rowe were
among the winners in the Naval Academy aquatic events
When responsibility for high considered the fa,uer
demonstrate that besides filling can pass the br
Some Congressional willing to give millions
Ameranize Aliens but little nothing
well known writer calls Washington propaganda town Bp
why pick Washington?
The first for has reported Thought they
quit selling that stuff
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
FraternaI Events.

Master Masons Of the Ordnance De-
partment will hold a smoker IN CuSh-
mans restaurant tonight
Lafayette Chapter. No. 5. o. +. s,
will meet tonight
Oriental and Municipal councils,
Royal Arcanum. will meet toui-hE
Hope Council No. !. Sons and DauEh-
tiers of Liberty. will meet in Naval
Lodge Hall tonight.
Gen. Nelson 4. Miles Post. No. I.
United Spanish War Veterans. viii
meet in Perpetual Hall. 100 f street
northwest tonight.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Relative humidiu-s a. n -: p m.
ss: D. m. Sc
Rsinfsn % .. m % Q D MA
Hour Of sunshine, 81.
Per cent Of possibls sun<hins. 90.
Departures from Normal
Accumulated deficiency Of temperaturs
since January /. 1870. l52.
Dencieny Of tenperature Etnes February
!, 1870. Il.
Accumulated deficiency 81 precipitutiOa
Ence January 1. 1920. Id.
Deficiency Of p->SspitatiSn since February
1, 1870. o.
q: lowest, &C.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

There doubt that talk cheap folks have more
than their share of wh>n the 100000 words on the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Washington will be the first city report number of its
residents for the Some community will be first
reporting the number of citizens
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Fishes quarts of whisky from the Var
mouth. headline The officers however, persist
believing they type pcatorial exhibit known
two-legged fish.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
Events of Today

President Theodore Roosevelt
Post No. !, American Legion. Will
meet at Carroll Institute tonight
Columbia Heights Citizens Asso-
citation will meet in 81. stephens
Hall tonight.
Henry c. Spengler Post No. L.
American Legion. viii meet in the
District armory tonight.
Massachusetts Society will meet
in Wilson Normal School tonight.
Senator David J. Walsh and Cen.
Nelson 4. Miles will speak.
Washington Board OF Trade mo-
hership committee will hold its mid
winter dinner in the wardman Park
Hotel tonight.
Florida Society will meet in VIII
son Normal School tonight. Scna-
tor Duncan L. Fletcher will pre-
side.
%. 4 WcEImmie fund" mas
meeting will be held in Liberty Hut
tonight
Vincent II. Costello Post will rnost.
in the board room OF the piatri,t'
Building tonight.
Archaeological Society Of WASH
ington VIII meet in tho now -
tionAl Museum tonight
Military Service Legion viii me {.
in the District arnory toniCrI.
NeiShborhood Bible Class wifi meet
this afternoon at 7sS Rock CrccS
Church road.
Psrent-TeRchers' Association. Of 'HA
Thaddeus Stevens School. viii mot
in the school building tonight.
Blue Triangle Recreation Center
will have dancing tonight.
Wilson Normal Community Center
tonight will have classes in dome
tic science. domestic art. modern
literature, dramat.cs. parliamentary
law and music.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Representative Banton advises Congress quit and organized
labor thinks the Texas should his own advice
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
Club Events.

National Press Club will hear Ser
ator Harding and others 10 nl-ht.
Florists Club OF Washington viii
meet at 712 Twelfth street nor'hws A.
tonight.
T entioth Century Club will meet
at the Cosmos Club tonight
Gibbons cubs tonight.
Community Service Club No. viii
have a meeting OF song leaders and
accompanies tonight.
Kansas City Club will meet at Com
munity Service Club No. tonight
National Catholic Community Club
will have a business meeting OF the
Gibbons Clubs tonight.
Calvert Club millinery class VIII
meet tonight.
Community Club No. i'll have
classes in basketball. dancing and
gymnastics and bowling tournament
tonight.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

When responsibility for high prices is considered thu
demonstrate that besides ng soil they can mass N.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Some astute Congressional minds willing to give m
Americanze Aliens but little nothing to educate American
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

requires Solomon discover politics is taken out
of the medals controversy there be no controversy
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Speaking OF appropriate moniers Mr. Fish Mr. Rowe were
the winners in the Naval Academy aquatic events
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

well known writer calls Washington propaganda town
why pick Washington,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
At the Capitol.


The House Naval Affairs Committee
VII take up the naval appropriations
bill at an open meeting this morning.
The House Committee on FOREIGN A.
fairs will discuss passport fees in open
session this morning.
The Military Affairs Committee
the House Will take up army rcorsauit
zation In executive session this morn
ing.
The District Committee OF the House
viii consider the street car merger in
an open meeting this morning.
The House Public Lands Committee
will take up the Los Angeles water
power bill this morning IN executive
session.
The judiciary Committee ~ the
House VII discuss prison-made ar
ticles this morning in open meeting
The House Committee on EdUca-
ton will consider the bill to amend
the vocational education act in cxecu-
tive session this morning.
The House committee Investigate
ing expenditures of the War De-
partment and the ordnance sub
committee will take up the matter
of nitrate plants in open meeting
this morning.
The House immigration Commit
tee will consider the case of Mrs.
Alden, who wishes restoration %
her citizenship. in open session this
morning.
The Senate Naval Affairs SUB
committee will hear Secretary DAN
lets on medal awards this morning.
The Foreign Relations subcom-
mittee Of the Senate will have, a
hearing on Mexican AFFAIRS this
morning.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

sea monster for has been reported Thought they
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

What Mr. Roper evidently desires long to watch red
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03
Musical Events.

The Boston Symphony Orchestra
Pierre Menteux. conductor. will riay
at the National Theater this after,
noon.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1920-02-03

Representative Bell. OF Georgia,
sent number of eulogies on dead
members Of Congress TO a constitu-
ent and received a warm letter Of
thanks for his trouble.
Send me all of these eulogies that
you can get" the correspondent
wrote. Pm always glad to hear of
another dead Congressman"
The New York herald. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1920-1924, 1920-11-14

Called by the beautiful in Englahdhe former
wife of Duff Cooper This
the favorte taken by Hoppe famous photographer
Copyrgh
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
Can't Entirely Supplant the Lowing Kline

7 ACK of pasturage for dairy cattle
II in the vicinity of Nitro, w. Va,
resulted in the establishment at that
war-built city of ''mechanicdl dairy"
where milk and cream equivalent to
the output of farm with 1,500 milk
cows was produced, according to a
government report just published. Bot
ties and cans of the fluid were labeled
RECONSTRUCTED milk or cream and
"nitrolac."
Accommodations for $4,000 inhabit-
ants were provided at Nitro; schools,
churches, hospitals, department stores,
restaurants, and all the other ele-
ments of modern well-equipped COM
munity being part of the project.
As constructive problem, 1T was
comparatively simple, but officials be-
gan to strike snags as soon sas they
approached the task of insuring a sup
ply of staple foodstuffs, particularly of
fresh milk.
Nitro is situated in a mountainous
district, where little, IL any, natural
pasturage is available. Local milk
supplies were barely sufficient to sat
isfy the normal demands of Charles
town, the nearest metropolis.
Expansion of the natural supply be-
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
These Farmers Make No Large Profits

n FIGURES on farm profits covering
i seven years in two areas and five
years in third, made public by the
United States Department of Agri-
culture show that comparatively few
of the farmers in the groups studied
have been making large profits during
the recent years Of comparatively
high prices.
The figures indicate chiefly:
That the farmers average return on
investment increased from 4 per cent
in 1913 to per cent in 1913.
That most of them are making less
than $500 cash per year over and
above the things the farm furnishes
toward the family living, which, how
ever, constitutes a very important fac
tor.
The three groups of farms studied
are located, respectively, in Washing
ton county, Ohio (25 farms, hill coun-
try, seven years.; Clinton County,
Indiana Goo farms, corn belt, seven
years., and Dane county, Wisconsin,
coo farms, dairy region, five years..
Representatives of the department WIS.,
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
VgAAS[i1 D[((][Ej= / [l|H}YE>
SI[1)|Z[L[]I5.!||I,la;l,E,,;S5,!ls,ia 81
Uncle Sans Latin-American Squadron

The squadron will have it's base at
the Canal Zone, which will enable 1T
to transfer in whole or in part from
the Atlantic to the Pacific, and makes
possible the speedy mobilization of an
adequate force to meet any emergency.
Admiral Bryan will have several thou
sand men under his command, and
the character of the fleet will permit
of the close patrol even of shallow
tidal waters.
1t was explained at the navy de-
partment that the object of creating
the Latin-American squadron was TO
centralize command of all vessels on
duty in those waters and eliminate
complications as to assignment of YES
sells for special duty there:
1t is known however, that the State
department has shown great interest
in the report from naval and other
sources of the recent disorders IN
Honolulu, and the various exhibitions
of ill-feeling aroused by the three cor
nered dispute over boundary lines
which has involved, Chile, Peru and
Argentina.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
Washington Worried Over Election? No

for decorators, movers, furniShers.
Business perks up right smart lust
after an army of new government of
ficials begin coming to town.
FORMAL rejection of the offer of
S3OOO,OOO for the giant liner Levia-
than made last. May by the France and
Canada Steamship company, is an
nounced. The company's offer was con-
ditioned upon obtaining loan of &c.
100000 from the board for recondi-
tioning the vessel.
WASHINGTONIANS who live on
the Virginia side of the Potomac NAV
play the wheels of chance all thew
please. This is according to law
Virginia law. They have just learned
about it.
ONE-TENTH of the new "plebe"
class at West Point will come from the
ranks Of the army. Sixty former pri-
Yates have been appointed, the larges.
number ever taken into the academy
from the ranks of the army.
WAR department announces that
any high school graduate will be elig-
ible for admission to West Point after
one year Of service.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
BIG ULCER
ALI. HEALED

@Here is another letter that makes me
happy" says Peterson, OF Buffalo. Zone
that I would rather have than a thousane
dollars.
Money isn't everything in this world
There is many a big hearted, rich mar
who would give all he has on earth to DC
able to produce a remedy with sucE
mighty healing power as Peterson'g Dint'
ment, to sell at all druggists for 80 Cents
a large box"
Dear Sirs:-
al was an untold sufferer from old run.
ming sore and ulcers. ] had tried mos
everything without any relief from pain
A /. lend told re of your wonderful ONT.
ment and the first box took away the
lain that had not left me before In years
and after using just nine dollars worth
of the salve 1 am cured. The ulcer was
8 inches by >61z inches is all healed and
can walk. Never. never viii be without
Peterson's again.
'You may use this to recommend your
ointment, if you wish. cannot say enough
to praise it, Yours truly, Mrs. Albert
Southcott, Medina, N. z. Mail orders
filled by Peterson Ointment Co., Irc.. Buff
falo, n. Y.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
The Capital VIII Like Zoning System

Property values nave riser and have
become stabilized by reason of the in
stallation of zoning, and men who were
bitterly opposed to the move at first
now give it their most hearty COM
mendation.
"The zoning system bars manufac-
turing plants from invading residential
sections, and thereby insures the man
who buys a home against having a
boiler factory or some other similar
plant established next door, or even
in the same neighborhood. On the
other hand, it secures to the manu-
featuring element absolute domain
over certain sections, and leaves OUT
let for growth and development such
as any going concern is bound to
need.
with Washington fairly under the
coming system, predict that it will
become a model city to which ex-
perts from all parts of the country
will be sent to obtain ideas for zoning
other cities"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
AUSTRALIA HAS BOXING STAR
Jim Tracey, Victor over Albert Lloyd
at Auckland, May Challenge
Jack Dempsey.

Australia has a new heavyweight
champion in the person of Jim Tracey,
replacing Albert Lloyd. who held the
title several years and was also the
light heavyweight king as well.
Tracey and Lloyd were matched for
the title at Auckland, N. a., recently,
Tracey winning the decision at the end
of the 15-round battle.
Besides winning the championship
of Australia Tracey also won wife
for himself. being welded to very
charming Auckland girl about the
same time that Jimmy Clabby. Ameri-
can middleweight star, married very
wealthy girl of wellington, N. q.
Tracey was asked by his wife to quit
the ring, but Jim says the magnet is
too strong and he is too young to give
up the glamor OF the ring lights Tor
time.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1920-11-18
Tree PIantind.

The government is making an earn.
st effort to induce many Of the states
to plant trees on wholesale scale
and in some measure restore their
original wealth. There are thousands
of acres lying idle, even in such popu-
lous states as New York and Pennsyi-
vania which can be made to yield mil
lions of dollars every year if planted
with trees. 1t is pointed out that al
though the Eastern states once pos
sessed more than enough trees for
their own use they must now import
lumber from the Pacific coast. of
course, at great expense.-Boys' Life.