Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1920-01-02

d IIE SAGE or the SIDEWALK
Abest New Yeases Resslstleas.


Abeut New Tears ResslatIeas.
We believe the best way to keep them il to
mako only those which you delight to keep.
Such a.: Reading the newspaper at breakfast
table, Forgetting to close doors after ron. nap
ping after dinner, saying what yon think. punc-
tuating with profanity, and all those little
innocent expressions of your unique tempera-
msnt.
In the Tea Room.
what did Santa bring you?"
We'll for one thing. . centenary edition OF
George Eliot's complete works."
"Oh, read all Of his works when was .
mere youngster. He's dreadfully pokey and
passe, think"
Richardson Wright knows<of literary
man tho has since gone into advertissng) who
used to select one book for q Christmas gift,
buy q stack Of them on Dec 3, and give them
out to low and high browed alike. An easy
method for the donor, but rather hard, we
think, on the recipient.
Have Heart.
what melancholy face that man has!
/ wonder who he u :!
"Oh, that's the humorist who writes our
funny colyum."
The optimist fell 10 stories. At each win
dow bar, he shouted to his friend: "All right
so far"
Thoughtless Of Him.
Life guard crushing up exctedly) Madam,
your poor husband has Just been drowned"
! The widow I'm bathing costume)-"And
| have they found the body?
| mo; It's lost"
..Now isn't that just too provoking-he had
the key to our bath-house around his neck"
| TIGER.
| Picking the Cargo.
We favor an early opening OF trade with
Germany and Russia, but hold that the first
hundred shiploads OF freight sent to those
! countries should be composed Of former resi-
dents Of said countries.-Capper's Weekly. To-
peka.
| Passing Parties-Having failed to pass the
treaty, the two political parties are now busy
passing the buck.-Paterson Press Guardian.
! Knock and nothing shall be opened unto
,,you.
i Journalists newspaper man out Of = job
| Progressive-A politician who wears his
opinions pompadOur.
Poetry-A substitute for the impossible.
/ She was sweet young thing with big blue
eyes, a perfect throat, and bewitching smile
and she spoke with an irresistible little lisp
But because she was seated beside a professor
of English at the dinner party, she made the
mistaken decision that her charming chatter
about people and life would be less acceptable
than discussion Of things literary.
! do you know" said she, Il don't read nov
els any more. I've outgrown them"
How interesting murmured the professor
beaming at her through his spectacles. And
what do you read?"
Essays" she replied soulfully.
Splendid he returned with enthusiasm
And may inquire who are your favorite es.
sayists?"
She hesitated only a moment why
adore Henry Van DYKE" said she, land al
those Atlantic Monthly people. And Their
there's that English chap. you know. What ii
his name? l never can remember whether it.:
Arnold Benedict or Benedict Arnold"
Lonely-A peculiar feeling caused by tn,
presence of one or more bores.
-
The worry COW would have lived till now,
II she'd only saved her breath;
Blu. she feared her hay wouldn't last all da]
So she choked herself to death
To bear patiently with the inhrmities an,
peculiarities Of anoyher is often harder tasl
than the control Of some great grief We ma,
walk around the boulders, but Of truth, I'll
the pebbles in the path that make US stumble
Just SuppOSin,.
"Supposin' this here vessel" says the skippe
with Eroan,
Should lose her bearin's. run away and bum
upon stone?
Suppose she'd shiver and go Gown when saw
ourselves we Couldn't"
The mate replies,
'Oh. blow me eyes.
Suppose agin she shouldn't
| Clique-Friendship gone to seed
Adieu-A PRAYER Of thanksgiving uttered q
parting.