The Washington times., 1920-03-13
Man WEEDS a Doll, Then
Makes Her DishlUasher,
Wrote Suicides

race in julius Caesars time-the
Romans race who thought II an
honorable death. ! think 10 II not
eowardIy, although ! have not enough
nerve 10 do u.
lack either courage or despair.
| Selft pity is disgusting, ana how
do pity myself
Just now don't feel so de-
spondent.
PUTS a Cix9Is~e.
| JANUARY ll-Last night the
Whites were over Norm had lighted
a cigarette on a tray between US. l
took a pun. When | put IL down he
moved the tray over to the other side,
| Self satisfied, snug. commanding men
| drive me wild. And to think they can
sit around peacefully smoking or
| doing anything they want, while !
must sit as "a lady" No; | must not
smoke. VIII, o God, are things like
| this?
when ] think of the dirty mental
work my husband lets me do, ] hate
myself and hate my husband. IL he
| thought anything of my feelings or
| my personal appearance. he would
| see that / did work suited to me.
don't feel hurt. Man marries = doll
and makes her n dishwasher. Wish
lived In a hotel.
| hate funny ideas. One Is that I
don't see how my, husband can look
up 70 me and respect me, then let me
clean his bathtub. How revolving is
| all this to me. Every time ! sweep
and clean and make beds for other
men vow it will be the last. Fool
| | keep on. / do n servants work by
| day. I'm supposed to be an artist,
pianist, gentlewoman in the evening.
Washing Worse Than War
| JANUARY 1S-Just did my weeks
| Deisartc. Washing In more than
| shermnn's war. Norm brought me
| some beautiful violcts. Poor kid. he
needs shoes and his eyes hurt very
much, and he needs a suit. I simply
must get money. The Essanay Com
pany has not phoned yet. Curses.
Mrs. White, next door, gets my goat.
She is a gossip, a typical fiat-building
| tenant. Peddler at my back door
( every few minutes. Thank you, Lord,
| | can't hear the buzzer.
| JANUARY 21.--Gladys was here.
What IL ] told her the man she In
| engaged to expressed n wish to see
me some nftcrnOon.
Men nrc rotten TO the core. Have
done no posing. Rent due. House
bills sim unpaid. Our roomer does
not pay. Oh, gloom.
JANUARY % Dearest God, put my
mind at rest. l shall go mad, think
| ing all the time of the unjust way
women are treated. Oh, God, explain.
Why is it so?
| Sits At Desk md Wears His Trousers
JANUARY 2T.-MIDNIGHT.-I have
sleep. Norm just came after me and
1, a Il
| shall go mad in a thought ] have
or shall change my mind when l find
an answer to the question ask. why
should be made TO suffer for what
! Norm has done? Before we were
married he lied to me about himself
simply because he knew I would be-
lieve him. Now that / am awake and
| know what he is. / suffer. Oh, God.
/ the pain. loved Norm with the ten
dercst love in the world, almost n
| mothers love and then to have my
/ little god broken. Norm Ii here BY
my side.
$40 a. M-Norm is very kind
| now. went to sleep on his
here at the desk, wearing Norm's old
| trousers and shirt of his. They
are fine to work in.
MONDAY NIGHT, FEBRUARY IS
Norm has gone out without a
| word to me. was preparing for
the night. Saw Eva, the baby, God
| bless them and help the little girl
| to be good woman. ] was, and
| woke up. Is that what mothers wish
for their daughters? But then all
of them have not views like mine.
Pity me, dear God, for believing as
| l do. 1t has brought me much pain.
Why, oh, God above, are things so
| unfair-or why do I think they are
| unfair? Why cannot / believe as
other women and be happy? God.
You are a Man.
Never Has Any Great Happiness.
Poor little diary, l never come to
you but to pour out my troubles.
| never come to write down wonder
| full happiness l have had. l never
have any. Yes, a few moments
| when Norm is kind, and then all the
world seems good.
Fool, fool fool! If I had only
remained a fool. If, instead OF sit
| ting here wandering where Norm
| is, l say to myself that I don't care
| If he ever comes home, and l don't,
SO help me God / don't. l don't!
A mighty pain to love it is.
And it's a pain that pain to miss,
But of all pains the greatest pain
1t is to love, but love in vain.
FEBRUARY 2S.-Mother asked me
| to dine with her this evening, and
| Norm objects strongly. He says she
is as bad as | am. Last Friday night
/ tried to choke Norm when he Va
| sisted that he was better than the
woman he spent TINT night with. I
know what IL Ii now to want to Kill.
oh, God, it was terrible. He didn't
hold me or try in any way to check
me. He is on his vacation now, look
ing for a job. | got him a place
through Mr.. Harmon at S25, but he
wouldn't go. Said he was a friend
of mine.
MARCH Ave had an understand
ing tonight that on May Is we shall
separate. I told him 7 positively will
not give up smoking and posing. He
thinks to be womanly / must. He
is out of work too often.
Norm's oath birthday. Gave him
shoes and 50 to have his teeth fixed,
but he wouldn't do 1t. He kept the
money and said he would pay me
back.