The Washington times., 1920-08-29

There are vacations--and vacations.
In the words OF the old rhymster-
~ got mlne."
Having weathersd three or four
months of hot wnshington weather.
and visioning u long. hard winter
ahead. l passed. up Atlantic City ana
Asbury Park and even virginia
Beach" Too much excitement / told
myself. What i want. or rather what
I'm going to give myself. 10 a couple
OF weeks away of IN some secluded
corner Of the world. away from the
noise OF the city and summer resorts,
where the only jazz you hear Is the
song of the cricket and the cackle
of exuberant hens. and where the
chief excitement 10 eating three
square meals a day and sleeping not
less than ten perfectly good hours
every night.
PICKED 1T FROM AN "AD."
To repeat-I got mine.
selected-sight unseen-from an
alluring advertisement in one OF the
New York papers, place in what
knew to be--ordinarily. at least-a
place of supreme quiet and undying
rest That's what the place adver-
tise6. The ad didn't say anything
about dances every evening. jazz or
chestra, moving pictures and other
anu usements." 1t told. on the con-
trary, of a quiet beach. and big shade
trees. and good food and quiet.
especially quiet
went. saw. But l can't say
with the old hero of old that "I con-
quered." quite the opposite. ] was
and 1 say it unblushingly-con-
quered. j stayed ten days and then
gave up the ghost and went into New
York to see IL somewhere among the
wilds of Fifth avenue and broadway
/ couldn't find what my soul craved
quiet.
THE FOOD WAS GOOD.
want to say right now--in all
fairness-that there was at least one
truth in that advertisement. The food
was good. And at first things. gener-
ally speaking, looked rather auspi-
oious for a well-earned rest. This in
spite of the fact that the principal
"boarders" were actors and actorines,
with more or less uncertain voices,
who seemed to have an idea that the
early morning hours were the espe-
cially assigned period for trying out
their numbers for the coming fan
productions.
I didn't mind their dancing and
the beach. But do love my morning
sleep-especially when I'm on vaca-
tion.
But even at that could have for
given the shimmying and tn" before
| breakfast vocal exercise, II 1t hadn't
been for the sheriff and the cops.
The sheriff made his unscheduled
and most dramatic entrance the
| morning of the first day out.
His ring at the front door produced
| the lady of the house" a woman
| with a French name and French
| temperament Need I say more?
My attention was diverted from the
sentimental. regular summer-reading
| novel / was endeavoring to peruse TO
| the scene at the door by the mans
announcing in what seemed to be
perfectly official voice:
AFTER THE vICTROLA.
I'm from the sheriff's office. and I
want to get a victrola."
my news instinct must have as
serted itself at this point. / threw
the saccharine novel aside, and sat
up and took notice. Being of a
sieuthing nature generally. I con-
cluded that there was housed in that
home of crest and quiet" one Of those
lignominous objects-the kind Of vic
Itrola they deposit in your home for a
small payment with promise of pay
ments every once in awhile. / judg-
ed also that every once in awhile"
hadn't come often enough in this case.
and that this man was there to re-
move the machine once and for all
from the house in which 1t had been
SO generously deposited.
And that's what he was there for.
| But evidently in his calculations he
had neglected to consider the French
temperament. He got a taste Of IT.
The mad scene from Hamlet was a
somnambulistic performance when
compared with the performance that
ensued inside that house.
DIDN'T HAVE HIS BADGE.
Those French people had had that
victrola for five years, and they didn't
intend to give ii up-not without a
struggle at any rate. Moreover they
told that sheriff so. And they told
him he wasn't a sheriff anyway. And
one among them-an actor with a
ticklish toe and a legal turn Of mind
challenged him to show his badge.
And he didn't have one, by gosh!
1t had any melodrama / ever saw
backed off the theatrical stage. Pic
ture IL IL you can. Disheveled bat
triumphant. French woman kissing
her ha! ha! at the diserunted sheriff
who is forced to make an ignominious
retreat amid the shouts and laughter
OF the collected forces. For by this
time all the actors and actresses had
gathered round and were joining in
the merry-making.
Picture also II you can, the sheriff
turning as he sinks out the door, and
kissing back: "I'll be back-and I'll
have me badge. Dom. forget thatw
COME BACK WITH GOLD ONE.
OF course, nobody thought he'd
come back. But he did. Again this
time he came when ! had settled my
self in the hammock for an after
luncheon siesta. And he had gold
badge and pistol that closely re-
sembled a howitser. When he pulled
the gun the actors evaporsted and the
French woman backed into rorner,
and they took the victrola of In a
taxi. And the cop who had been
called in from the corner to preserve
the peace at the morning performance
said there was nothing to do but let
him take it. t'
And that was the first day.
~