Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1920-08-19
IT'S NEW.

IT'S NEW.
Love is the oldest thing on earth.
Naturally it always seems new to
the participants, but since Adams
apple ripened it has run pretty much
in the same groove. In fact. that's
how it makes the world go round
love and hootoh are the only two
things that will do It.
Yet rather delightful murder
trial In Vermont seems to have re-
vealed an actual innovation in thu
art and practice Of courtship. A ro-
mantle young undertaker's assistant
up there had wife who was quite a
bore. so he poisoned her. All the time
he was poisoning friend wife. and
right up thru the funeral. from all
accounts, he used to take the young
lady he was engaged to out riding
on his hearse. Thus, ambling along
to the cemetery, discoursing sweet
nothings by the way, they were usual
ly able when they arrived, to shovel
their chaperone into six feet Of earth
and return refreshed and restored
for the next little pleasure trip. This,
Of course. is an advantage that tew
engaged couples enjoy.
But the whole episode seems to us
SO tenderly original and ,dyllic that
we have. so to speak, embalmed it
in deathless verse. Thus:
A fellow who courted bride
Took her out on his hearse for a ride,
There was nothing improper
About it to stop her
The gentleman's wife was inside.
And so they made love and conversed
At their ease. for If worse came to
worst,
They knew that the Missus
Would not mind their Kisses
Her husband had poisoned her first.
After all, it isn't every husband
who, when he decides to marry
again, is considerate enough to pot
son his wife. It seems to US the very
economy Of romance. So If you are
thinking Of marrying again just con-
slider the romatic undertaker's as
sistant. If you don't happen to be in
the same business you can prob
ably hire hearse-a three passenger.
s e.
VITAL POLITICAL STATISTICS.
Out Of every 9s,s97 voters in the
country, 1896 or more will not un-
derstand the issues.
The mud that will be slung In the
campaign now under way. would, II
gathered into q heap, reach half way
to the moon.
The utterances OF the candidates
have provoked thus far an average
of 9,672 interpretations each, no two
of them alike.
The promises that will be made be-
fore election day would stretch, II
put end to end, from Singapore to
Hoboken and back. "a
Now that Villa and Nick Arnstein
have surrendered, who more is there
to worry about?
The grocer and the butcher are
conducting the real counter offensive.
AS discoverers of the Poles the boil :
sheviksN seem to have it fifty differ
ent ways on old DR.. Cook.
Folks will have to dig deep to pay
the miners what they want.
When we no longer read stories
about how the czar met his death we
shall know that the war Is thug
of the past.
-F.F.v.
What was your particular artis-
tic bent?" was an inquiry put up to
the candidate. Did you play the slide
trombone or the tuba?'
please don't exaggerate my must
cal ability" Senator Harding request
ed as he attempted to divert the line
of questioning.
Some of Senator Harding's friends
were inclined to believe that he was
belittling his musical prowess, and as
ground for their view they called at
tention to the fact that one of the
first men to congratulate him on his
nomination was John Philip Sousa.
It was stated at Senator Harding's
office that he first played the alto
horn in the Caledonia band and was
afterward graduated into the tuba
class. New York Times. ~