The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-01-07

Characteristic Missus, Us
The Missus (getting ready to begin
to get ready to dress for the party)--
We should have sent. the Ellington
children something; the Ellingtons
have been so nice to us.
Us dressed for the party)-There
has to be a limit. The last two safes
| cracked yielded almost nothing, and
don't know Philadelphia people well
enough to blackmail anybody 1t isn't
like living in a town where you Gan
walk right in at the front door and lay
your hand on the family skeleton.
The Missus-Whittier was an amia-
BILE but unsophisticated old gentle
man. The saddest words are not 1T
might have been" The saddest words
are those of an alleged humorist.
Us-You used to laugh at my jokes.
The Missus-When was that?
Us-That was before we were mar
| The Missus-You must have been
funnier then than you are now.
Us-I was; them were the haicyon
days.
The Missus-I had a pretty good
| time. too, until you began to demand
all of it. Before we were married
saw you every night: after we were
married I didn't see you. except at
meal time, for seven years.
Us-You are right about the Ell
lington children We should have
sent them something. But don't sup
pose the Ellingtons have been nice to
us just because they thought we'd
send the children something for
Christmas.
The Missus-I wish I had sent
David new collar.
Us-A dog doesn't care whether he
has a new collar or not. For all he
knows he has one. Worrying about
David not having a new collar is like
weeping over the wronged heroine
after you leave the theater.
The Missus-I don't pretend to be so
clever and well poised as my husband.
You know you're clever; you admit 1t.
You know you told me once you were
pretty smart.
The Missus (patting a coil here and
tucking in a wisp there)--How does
my hair look tonight?
Us--It looks lovely; it always looks
lovely, no matter how you wear it.
That's one thing marriage did for me.
1t brought some hair into the family.
The Missus-Everybody says you're
greatly improved since your marriage.
Us-Well, IL I'm not II isn't your
fault. You've tried Jour best; I give
you that. I suppose. were 1t not for
the fact that I'm self-willed and de-
termined, I'd be just like every. other
husband by this time. can tell
ma rried man as far as I can see him.
The Missus = Nobody would ever
take you for a married man. I never
knew man as free as you are. II
you had married young girl you'd
have broken her heart.
Us--I never had chance to marry
young girl. They wouldn't look at
me.
The Missus (dabbing q little powder
on her nose)-What shall Nv ear to-
morrow night?
observation-disclosures what shall you
wear? Your dress. I suppose.
The Missus-Of course, shall wear
gown. They're doing it this season.
Us--Well. you've only got one
your old blue one. { Why not wear
that?
The Missus-Did I ever tell you
about the time Edgar Hopgood asked
! me to marry him? He was such a
fine fellow and came of an excellent
family. They say he's worth millions
now-got into rubber or automobiles
or something and made fortune
years ago. spends his winters in Flor
ida and his summers along the st.
Lawrence
-Us-was he that runty. shriveled-
up little guy who was "fidoing' for
you that time at the Mud Lake Coun-.
try club? He sure was some locker.
All he lacked of being an Adonis was
a collar high enough to hide his
Adams apple and q pair of hose sup
porters. He was a nice chap, tho, I'll
say that for him: kept trying to fill
abdominal straights and three-card
flushes all evening. You know the
time we went to French Lick? Well,
part of 1t was his money.
The Missus - that's the longest
speech you ever made to me. NY
reference to Mr.. Hopgood must have
hurt There is one thing about you;
at your worst you're not voluble.
Us-Do you know it's $40 o'clock?
The Missus-why the note of i'm
patience? I'm ready.
Us-I can see you're ready. All you
have to do is dress, powder your nose
n couple of times more, take few
casual giimpses into the mirror. look
over your dressing table three or four
times to see that you haven't forgotten
anything make a couple of changes in
your gown, put on your gloves and
your wrap, look In the mirror a couple
of times more and hunt thru your
wardrobe for handkerchief. wasn't
impatient. was just making casual
remark.
The Missus-T wish we had sent
something to Uncle Fred and Aunt
Julia. They used to be lovely to me.
The Missus-We must call on the
Bellamys before go away. It was so
fine of them to entertain us. People
who are anybody are always particular
about observing the little amenities OF
life. -r
ISL like the Bellamxs and think
one should observe the little amenities
of life, altho half the time don't know
what they are.
The Missus-Couldn't we go out
there tomorrow afternoon?
Us-How could go tomorrow after
noon? I'm not one of these here ieIs-
ured classes. I have to work tomor-
row afternoon. r
The Missus-If you'd only get up q
little earlier in the morning.
Us-Do you know it's after 3
O'Clock?
The Missus-Tm ready.
Ts--Of course you're ready All you
have to do now is powder your nose.
put on your wrap and gloves and look
for your handkerchief It won't take
you over fifteen minutes.