South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1920-05-16
Ne7g amendments To Natyin1011y- By Helen Roulond

The most delightful and fascin-
lting thing about marriage" sighed
he Widow ecstatically, as she turn
ed from her French pastry and
chocolate to gaze out OF the club
window over the green golf links,
IS that there is always something
aew or clever or cynical or interest
.ng to say about it,"
There is always something the
matter with it," admitted the Bach
elor, continuing to attack his plate
with the vigOr OF a healthy golf ap-
petite, IF that's what you mean"
1t is like a good substantial old
house that 1 once owned" unused
he Widow, constantly in need OF
repairs, and improvements. As soon
rs you cement the cellar, the roof
begins TO leak; as soon as you finish
Singing the roof, the piazza needs
painting, or the wallpaper goes out
Of fashion, or you have to put in ne "
plumbing or electric lights. or hard
wood hoOrS-Or a furnace-Or some
thing. Every year, every week, eV-
cry day a new phase of marriage
appears. furnishing it up n bit. like
new curtains in the Twins room,
windows in October And still the
dear old institution stands, wealth.
ering the changes of time and war
and economic conditions-the most
interesting thing in he world! No
body from Henry James TO TrOtsky
or Brigham Young has ever discov-
cred any satisfactory substitute for
it."
"Oh we'll" ventured the Bachelor.
its like the cOnstitution-fund
e-rH -s~rt@N
constant amendment to meet new
and modern conditions"
Yes" returned the Widow with
a wry little smile, and most OF the
amendments don't really amend t,
and very few OF the improvements
actually improve II. l wonder
what our imperialistic old grand
fathers would think Of modern
marriage in the tiny, two-by-four
studio apartment, with Hubby dry
ing the dishes while Wife washes
them, and a curly dog constituting
the whole nursery department and
an image Of Bhudda, occupying the
place of the family Bible"
"He wouldn't recognize it." grin
ned the Bachelor appreciatively.
He would think It immoral
Sacriligious-a bad joker"
The Widows dimples disappeared.
like the sun on an April day, and
she looked wistfully serious.
"Oh we'll" she protested, Grand
father didn't know anything about
the living. He only
wore overalls because he wanted
tot But for some OF US, II must
be such a marriage or none at all
any any marriage is better than none
at ally"
What" The Bachelor dropped
his fork.
"Oh. yes IT is" insisted the
Widow, even a modern marriage,
with all the is amendments tack
ed onto it OF course, a Pekinese
and Pom don't take the place Of
children. They are Just pathetic
little bluffs. like-lfKe a kitchenette
and a fireless cooker"
And there's the financial and
economic equality Of wives" put in
the Bachelor. which in my opinion
is no substitute for home cooking
and darned socks"
And there is divorce" laughed
the Widow. which has taken the
place of ground glass and prussic
acid-though it's really more hui
name and sanitary, after all. And
there are lap-dog apartments and
studio apartments, and vacuum
cleaners, and public Wallets and COM
munity kitchens"
And self-supporting wives, and
self-rocking cradles. and self-amuS-
ing husbands-all OF which or whom
have conspired together To trans
form marriage into-into omething
just as good!'" appended the Bach
elor scornfully.
.Into-what?" The Widow look
ed shocked.
Into a sort OF domestic 'beevo.' "
explained the Bachelor with disgust,
"a sentimental 'near-beer,' an AL
most champagne colOrleSs,
spiceless fraud. entirely unsatisfying
and uninspiring.
"Oh I don't knowi" demurred the
Widow chSerfully, there are lots OF
compensations about the modern
marriage. IL keeps husband and
wife from getting too close tOgeth
or and from living scrambled lives.
at any rate At least, they can get
away from each other occasionally,