Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1920-03-01
MAKE AMERICA
SAFE cobb
Noted Humorist in Address
Declares World Peace
is only Glorious
Dream.
TALKS ON POLITICS
Urges Election of Business
man Instead of Gifted
Orator.

Let us set our own house in Ordel
before we undertake TO cure all the
evils which afflict a broken civiliza
ton 5000 miles away. Selfishness il
an individual is despicablc trait, bu
selfishness of nation, where that sci
fishness is aimed at the preservation OF
its integrity, national boundaries anG
at the preservation of its ideals, is the
Goblest trait any nation can have
Thus Irwin S. Cobb. in an address iat
the Methodist church here Friday night
made clear his feelings on the League
of Nations. Humor. pathos and phil
osophy in generous quantities were
handed out to an audience which pack
ed the church, and although Mr.. Cobb
"craved the Indulgence" of his audi
ence and maintained that he was no
silver-tongued orator." words, several
thousand in number, poured easily from
his mouth and on them flowed ideas
and thoughts.
Mr. Cobb believes that all the idea of
world peace can ever be is "a dream, a
glorious Dream and he declared, Il
for one am not so much concerned in
seeing the rest OF the world made safe
for democracy as / am in seeing Am
erica made safe for Americans"
Plenty of Humor.
There were stories galore in his talk,
brilliantly humorous, and descriptive
of American humor in all of its varia-
tons as applied to all sections of the
country. Mr.. Cobb is master story
teller, and with droll anecdotes, told
with typical Cobbian phrase0logy, he
''took off" the southern darby in Il way
that shook his hearers with gales of
laughter.
He is democrat, but he says 1.-The
time has come for party lines to be DIS
regarded, and for the election OF a
MANA business man who has run his
own business successfully and ca; run
the nations the same way.
I'VE have worshipped at the shrine
of the silver-tongued orator, the side
trombone, the silver cOrnet, the hlluan
geyser too long. One of the curses of
this country is that it is too full of
politics, and one of the curses of poll
tics is that it is too full of politicians.
I'VE let the politicians run the poll
tics, which means running the govern
ment-running the biggest industry Of
the country. But the time has come
for us to renounce these politicians
and their hand-picked candidates"
War Stories.
Mr.. Cobb related several stories of
his experiences as a war correspondent,
stoutly maintaining that he was 'thc
most densely populated inhabitant Of
that country" Believe it or not" he
declared, there We're coolies on me that
had coolies on Them
He paid a high tribute to the Won
derful work of the Salvation Army in
France, and denounced the many "in-
durable idiots who secured shoulder
straps during the war
the Salvation Army holding curb
stone service that / shall not think of
the glorious things that organization
did overseas for your son, and l shall
always offer up prayer for the lowly
followers of the tinkling tambourine.
And by the grace of God and the
grease OF their dOughnuts, they made
secure for themselves place in Gods
kingdom
He described with vivid realism, in
terspersed with his original witticisms,
a collision with the general staff of
the Sixth German army and the fourth
son of the kaiser who was so decorat-
ed with medals that John Phillip Sou
sa would look perfectly nude beside
him." Humorously he described his
own garb, one part of which was a pair
of carpet slippers which looked like
a pair Of maltese cats that had died
Of dropsy and been badly embalmed."
Hates BOlshevists.
The audience was convinced also. be-
fore the close of the address, that the
distinguished American humorist was
more than ever just one human among
the common people, that he hated
kings and kaisers and that he hated
bolshevists, anarchists and that he low
ed sacrifice and suffering Unneces-
sarily he '.craved the indulgence" of
his audience while he told with touch
ing pathcs of the bravery of the Am
erican boys in ,France-''the kind of
stuff Uncle Sam can turn out when the
case demands
Every avowed preacher of bolshevik
doctrines should be converted with
the utmost speed and dispatch into
perishable freight" he,believes. and al
so that 1.-The only useful and gainful