Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-07-18
arcade. But disappointed him today.

ana surprised. A regular uncle, too,
Quite too regular. Torchy," says
1 Fiddle. gettin' close to maxim a
humorous crack as l ever knew him to
| come
And the next thing knew Piddie has
packed me into corner and is spillin'
| the whole sad tale. 1t seems this Uncle
Nick had been different from the rest
OF the Piddie family. He hadn't been
contented to settle down in one place
ana accumulate moss on his back and
kale in the bank, like the rest. He'd
gone wanderin' off. to Chicago and st.
| LOUIS and Milwaukee and way stations
, IN between Nobody knew Just where.
IN TACT, Fiddle hadn't heard from him
for years.
And now he drifts in to announce
| mat, as he has retired from business
ana buried his third wife; and otherwise
Closed up his affairs, he thinks it about
ume he looked UP his only rernainin' re-
tauons and prepared to end his days
peaceful in their midst
| How folkSy of him." saws I 'sLooks
IKE a husky old boy, too My guess
Is mat you'll have him with you some
years yet"
nG-r-r-r!" says Piddie. Not if 1
Why" says I. You talk like you
didn't appreciate Uncle Nick. what's
the matter with him."
| At which Piddie proceeds to s5ecify
Much as he hated to confess it, Uncle
Nicholas was not a nice old person to
nave around the house. Not at all. In
| TACT, accordin' to Pidde's standards.
ne was a bad egg. He had sporty
habits; Smoked all over the place.
Cigarettes. And Pddie detested CT
Earette smoke So did Mrs. Fiddle.
| Nearly made her ill. Also he was
| quite sure that Uncle Nick was a
| drinking man. Anyway the flask OF
/ nrahdy which they had always kept
4 q frrAH .ix..,
| appeared;--Even a bottle of Jamaica
ginger. lie seemed much interested in
racing events and asked Piddie to bring
nome. the sporting editions.
more than that, Piddie did not care
flor his particular line of conversation.
he was fond of telling rather coarse
Jokes, and of nudging Fiddle in the
RIBS at the finish. Piddie disliked to be
nudged in the ribs
AT, times Uncle Nick used profane Ian
mlngwaT He had been obliged to
warn Uncle Nick several times. Also
ne refused to go to church and he was
Always late for breakfast 1t was
quite full bill of complaint
Besides" goes on Piddie, there is
the extra expense of another person
in the family. That amounts to quite
lot in these times, you know. And
he is such hearty eater Wants two
eggs for breakfast; Twoi And uses
such lot of sugar in his coffee.
Don't chip in anything for board
of a Saturday. | asks.
Not penny" says Pddie. HE ap-
pears to have some money. however.
At least he has enough to buy all the
vile cigarettes he needs. And he even
offered to bet with me on the ball game
the other day
1.-THE old sinnerr' says I. "Aint tried
reformin' him, have you?''
/ I'VE have attempted ito discourage
several of his habits says Piddie.
l should have called it quite good
start, too. First off they'd put the
ban on smokin' anywhere except on
the back porch. They'd cut the egg
| ration down to one, and if Uncle Nick
didn't make the ,dinin' room by 7:45,
there was nothing doing in the food
line until luncheon. Also he'd been
moved out of the guest room into the
attic and he'd been invited to put in
his spare time pushin' the lawn now
er, weedin' the vegetable garden. In
other little ways. too, I gathered that
the Piddies had been tryin' to show
Uncle Nick that maybe his choice of
a spot to end his days in wasn't the
| best he might have made.
But he continues to stay" says
| Piddie. I'm sure l don't know what
| we are going to do about it,
Couldn't ship him back where he
came from? / suggests. Where was
| it, anyway
81 don't know" says Piddie Hes
| been rather mysterious. about that, as
he has about his whole past. He talks
vaguely of having been in business in
various places. but | can't get him to
| tell what he was doing or where he was
last. All he will reply Is, "Oh, you'll
know all about that some day, my boy"
and chuckle most disagreeably. But
| things can't go on like this. We've
can't afford it. 1 fear l shall be forced
| to take extreme measures soon. lit
is all very distressing"
Yes, l could guess it would be, just
from knowing the price of eggs and
sugar I'll bet Piddie spent his time
coming back and forth on the train
from this Jersey commutin' joint figurin'
up exactly what it was costin' him to
have -non-producin' uncle as a perna-
nent guest. even to chargin' up what he
might rent the attic room for and the
wear and tear on the front door mat.
He had that kind of mind
!! Also, Piddie was a born brooder. a
, crouch nurser. Any little thing that
peeved him he was apt TO dwell on and
chew over until he'd got all the bitter
flavor there. was to it So | could see
where Uncle Nick was due to feel some
| sharp pin pricks before very long. and
maybe told a few plain facts. And as
| takes another look at the old sport,
waitin' patient there in the ante room.
l almost worked up little sympathy
for him.
| mo use today. old top" remarks.
''Mr. Pidde is off you on the free lunch
proposition. He's had his sent in
| We'll, well!' says the old boy, rub
bin his chin thoughtful '1f that amt
a tight-wad trick! I'll leave it to you"
"Oh. don't know" says /. Its what
they usually hand out to poor relations,
this wait-order stuff"
HUH" says Uncle Nick. "Got me in
that class. has he? Wen have to see
about that, / guess
l couldn't dope anything out of that
remark, unless the old boy was just
talkin' to cheer himself up Anyway.
he wanders out again, and the incident
seems closed, In fact, week goes by
and he don't hang around again or
Piddie don't mention him. That struck
me as a little odd, when happens to
think of it, for Piddie had been in the
habit of coming TO me about once day
land confidip' some new quirk in the
Uncle Nick case. i wondered whether
he had left for good or if the Piddies
had got him tanned.
l. And then one night l finds Piddie
stoppin' on his way home to load up
with the sportin' extras and blow him.
self to a whole carton of cigarettes at
the arcade stand. He looks quite fused
when stops and gives him the quiz.
why all the paper pipes?" says I.
| "Are you tryin' to contract the habit
a session at your house tomorrow
rThese are for Uncle Nicholas" says
! he His favorite brand. A-er-a lit
tie surprise. you know"
you mean you're going to load 'em
with cayenne or trinitro or something's
l asks, starin' at him.
Certainly not,'' says Piddie indig-
nant. What an idea! Merely a little
present And l must stop. at some deli
catecSap. for q narticIIl3r kY,d Of cf1aasa