davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1920-05-19
iSE VIVE HOY MAS QUE
ANTES?
iCual es ell secretO de Ia lOnge-
vidad?

Aunque siempre Sc tuvo por cosa
evidente que en- siglos anteriores ell
hombre viva mas que hoy, ciertas in
Iyestigaciones han demostrado que,
hoy, 7merced a. los adelantos de la hi
giene, el hombre vive mas que nunca.
SEQ clio cierto no, hay un hecho que
np .puede negarse. " es que la verda-
derh "vida"V terminai cuando Sc pierde
Ia salud. iQue importa vivir cien
amos 81 veinte treinta de ellos los
pasamos en- una silla, indtiles y semi
|insonseientes 3 .Quienes va han tras7-
Ipasado los iimites de la vejez, y quie-
mes tienen que estar vigilando por la
salud de sus padres 9 de susi abuelos,
ldeben saber que cieftas reglas, niuy
faciles, por cierto, bastan para conser
var la salud. Tomar una alimenta-
ci6n nutritiva pero ligera, hacer ejer-
cicio moderado al aire libre, evitar las
Lemociones fuertes, dormir bastante y
|estar atendiendo constantemente a la
parte del ORGANISING que es mas de-
|licada EN- esa edad ell estomago. ESQ
les todo. .Cuando haya sintomas CO.
mo lengua sucia, NAL aliento, dolor
de cabeza, fiebre, decaimiento, etc., de-
be hacerse una Immediate limpieza in
terna, pero no por medic de los vio-
lentoa purgantes ordinarios, sino
usando una preparation netamente We
getal que obre con la mas perfecta
suavidad. Segln los mejores medicos,
la 1nica que cumple tales requisites
es Ell Jarabe de Higos de California,
"Califig", por ser hecho exclusiva-
mente con jugo de higos de Califor-
mia y plantas medicinales. Unas GUAM
tas cucharaditas de "Califg" efectlan
una perfecta v rapida limpiaza inter-
ma. Si Sc sufre de estrenimiento GRO
nico-dolencia tan frecuente en- la
vejez-una cucharadita "Califig" to-
das las noches, es ell remedio por. ex-
celencia-
CT. No. 80. n .Advt.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1920-05-19
UN CURA VICARIO AGRADECIDO

Ciudad de Mexico unos fuertes coli
cos nefriticos, no encontrando alivio
Ialguno con miles de medicamentos
que tome para dcho colicos. Siendo
icura de Mineral del Monte, Estado de
Hidalgo, un amigo me aconsej6 que
tomase la Anticalculina Ebrey, la que
fue para mi de unos resultados esplen-
didos, de tai manera que con ell pri-
mer pomo sentf una mejorfa sorpren-
dente. He tornado la Anticalculina
Ebrey durante tres amos, no habiendo
tenido durante ellos la menor moles-
tia"
"Por razones que no son del case, tu-
We q. venirme a Espafia y aquf he con-
tinuado ,usando la Anticalculina Ebrey
y las Pfldoras .Laxativas Ebrey (que
son inmejorables para el estrenimien-,
to-. Aquf hay muchas personas que
sufren de los rifones, higado y vejiga
y todas las recomiendo tomen la
Anticalculina Ebrey Y las Pfldoras
contraran alivio sus males, debido
a la eficacia y virtud de esas dos me-
dicinas. Suplico a Uds. dispensarme
10 pesado que he sido en- manifestar-
les 10 que siento. Culpen ell carino y
gratitud que siento por sus medicinas
que me han devuelto la salud."
/ PBRO. +. BERENGUER, Santa.
Cruz (Almerfa) Espana.
81 esta I'd. enfermo de los rihones.
vejiga higado, Y desea curarse con
la Anticalculina Ebrey, escriba
Ebrey Chemical Works, SO West
New York, y recibira gra-
tis un interesante folleto. La Anti
Ebrey Sc encuentra de venta
en- todas las boticas. Advt.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1920-05-19
La Vida
ViUir es combdth.

La vida es la guerra cada dfa una
batalla, cada acci6n ordinaria una AGO.
metida.
Los hombres no somOs hermanos. so
mos enemigOs; y 81 somos hermanos,
somOs 10 Cain.
HermanOS para hacer alarde de las
desgracias ajenas. Hermanos para con-
fiarnos secretOs con mas holgura Y di-
vulgarlos en- la primera oportunidad.
Hermanos para cubrirnos de ira y de
envidia; para arrancarnos la sangre.
FL que no es vfctima, es yerdugo
SOmos emisarios de paz sembramos
la discordia; hablamos de ,fraternidad
y de amor Y nos echamos las manos
la cara Y nos destrozamos con los
dientes.
A cuantos de nosotros nos podrfa
preguntar el Sefior: ;Que has hecho de
tu hermano, Abel?
rSefior, responderfa uno, 70 no lie
mate; solo quitele su esposa. -Seiior,
dirfa otro, 70 no lie mate; solo vendfle
sus secretos. -Seiior, dirfa este, 70 no
lie mate; imputele una acci6n que no
habfa efectuado, un prop6sito que no
habfa tenido.
Y ell Seii0r respOnderfa: Andad, NAL
ditos... Todos habeis matado. como
Cain, a vuestro hermano; /; pero 10 ha-
beis hecho con mas cobardfa que hicie-
ralo aquel.
Juan MonfaIpo.
El Imparcial. (San Juan, P.R.) 1918-197?, 1920-05-19
sorde1t = Ruidos en- la
Cabeza.


ST padece usted de este, vaya
donde cualquier farmacia y pida
CONCENTRATED SOURDAL, Gu
yo preciO es 4I6 por lata. Este nue.
'vo remedio produce una cura casi
s.empre Immediate y sus prontos
efectos una cura permanente. Pc
netra en- los, ,sitios donde Sc asienta
.el dolor y ha realizado curaciones
completas en- muchos casos en- que
Sc habian perdido las esperanzas.
81 su droguista aun no ha recibido
el SOURDAL, no acepte ningin
sustituto y ST envfe un giro postal
para que le sea proporcionado di-
cho medicamento, a "S0URDAL
DISTRIBUTING co. ss, STA
TON ROAD, CROYDON, SU-,
RREY, ENG, y recibiri un pa.
quete por correo. q su direction.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
The Carnival Suggestion for the
Night of March 4
By BILL PRICE.

That Chairman MCLEAN is going to make March
memorable day for Washngtonans well for strangers
indicated in the suggestion that he may provide
ming carnival Pennsylvania to close the cere-
monies for the thousands who cannot be entertained at the
famous Inaugural Ball 1t would be pleasing diversion
for home people and visitors Those who have been in
Washington during past nauguratons know that the
evening of March T. except for chosen few often dull
and undressing The visitors have sat for hours,
times in hcement weather. watching the parade, and, not
knowing the city, wander aimessy about until tired out
The town dull to them. Innocent sane clean fun
may safely be arranged thereby entertaining those who
will witness the imposing and historical ceremonies OF
the day.
Whatever Mr.. MCLEAN and his committee decide on
will be for the best The satisfactory part of the work
far is that nothing to be left undone to make The day
truly evenful one interesting from early morning until
late evening.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21

ings whose efforts assist so greatly
in Frightening your own Yuletide.
Possibly you haven't until just now.
But, on the other hand. here Is Miss
cleo Mayfield. co-starring with Cecil
Lean In Look Who's Here" at the
Shubert Belasco Theater this week,
who, not being able to share In the
Christmas Joy at her own freside,
finds happiness in routing gloom and
sadness from the homes OF the poor.
Miss Mayfield, who Is one of the
really fascinating condolences of the
stage, was one of the many Good Eel
lows whose enrolment came in this
mornings mail. The Good Fellow
Department seldom publishes the
name of one of it's generous-hearted
members. but no rule is inviolable in
case like this. The Good Fellow
Department believes hundreds OF
Washington's poor and needy families
will lbe benefited II every reader
would emulate Miss Mayfield's feel
ings as expressed in this short note
accompanying her application:
"Good Fellow Department, WASH
| ington Times"
at gives me the greatest happiness
| to volunteer as a Good Fellow in
your wonderful plan that will bring
LII
homes OF the poor and needy. Each
Christmas I try to do what can
no matter in what city I am playing
to brighten the lot of those whose
chance position in life leaves them
nothing to look forward to at that
one time in the year when Peace on
Earth, Good Will Toward Men" should
reign supreme"
II Miss Mayfield. a stranger, can
take a Washington family under her
wing, surely every Washingtonian
who Is not actually in distress him
self or herself, should be able to do
likewise.
Today Is the day to become a
Good Fellow. Sign the form on the
fourth page, or telephone Main $3.50,
or call personally at the Good Eel
low Department. You will be given
the name and address OF needy
family. Go to the address immediate
ly. see the distress and poverty with
your own eyes. ascertain the wants
and needs Of the family, buy what
ever gifts you wish to present to the
family, and take your remembrances
to the family on Christmas morning:
This Is the surest and best way OF
guaranteeing a merry Christmas FOR
| Yourself,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21

Unless the National Capitals Good
Fellows mobilize In goodly numbers
within the next day or two, there
will be many cheerless. dresry and
desolate homes on Christmas Day. IL
you have enrolled as a Good Fellow
and promised to do your bit for the
poor, you can feel that you have at
least done your part to prevent such
a deplorable state of affairs. II you
lave not signed up as a Good Eel
low and taken at least one needy per-
son under your wing and your Christ
mas does not turn out to be all you
wanted II to be, remember The Wash
ington Times, through its Good Fell
low Department, gave you ample OPP
portunity to make 1t otherwise.
A sum Of money sufficient to pro-
vide Christmas remembrances for a
number Of failies should be realized
-, from the basketball game which the War
Risk Indians and the War Risk Rep
resentative basketball teams will play
Thursday night DESTROYS of aiding
the Good Fellow movement the Indi-
ans yesterday challenged any sextet
in Washington to play game. The
defy was Immediately accepted by the
War Risk Representative team. The
acceptance was based not only upon
the fact that there Is great rivalry
between the Two groups Oh DaShet-
ballers as to which Is the better team
but because the War Risk Insurance
bureau employees wanted to keep the
entire credit for staging the game
entirely to themselves. Several score
employees of the War Risk Bureau
have already enrolled as Good Fell
lows but such Is their generosity
that they wanted to provide both Of
the teams to play this game, which
will be we'll worth seeing and should
PROVE q stirring and interesting affair.
Numerous individuals signed up as
Good Fellows today. Because of their
coming late they had to take large
families, but this made no difference
to them. Practically all the families
now on the Good Fellow list are
large, the number OF children rang
ing from three to ten, and II two or
more Good Fellows get together they
can provide for these needy groups
whose distress and disappointment
will be all the greater and more pa
thetic because there are SO many
members in the families.
Have you ever given a thought as
TO what Christmas means to the
thousands Of actors and actresses
away from home. literally among
strangers and in foreign surround
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
Beatrice Fairfax
Advice.
WHEw:
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
Advice.


DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
Having a day off, I read some OF the letters
to you, and they almost gave me "St. Vitus
Dance"
One boy said he could not love the girls be-
they permitted him to kiss them; and ask
ed IL there are any self-respecting girls left
And you answered him seriously that there
are nice girls and perhaps a virtuous girl will
fall into his life!" 1t would be fall, my coun-
trymen!
What is the matter with you? Why didn't
you tell him that he much in fault in
attempting to kiss them they were in per-
hitting it, and ask him why he did not cultivate
self-respect and respect for them. instead of
making risky and vulgar experiments?
l wonder sometimes what is the sinister mo-
tive of a newspaper, in printing such slobber;
and II I had either boy girl to read the
paper I should cut out this vulgar and sugges-
tive ADVICE before either should it.
/ think Miss Fairfax is the author of both ques
lions and answers. What woman could emit
such disgusting drivel?
Jesus said to the woman at the well Neither
do / condemn thee. Go and sin more" II
the five husbands" had presented themselves
for advice, do you think He would have said
perhaps some virtuous girls will fall into your
their lives, IL He had seen And advised the girls
first. r. G.. ID. II.
Gentle readers, here's one who doesn't believe
that you send your letters to me. And hasn't
she a poor opinion of the men? Do you suppose
any of the male species has ever kissed her
wanted to.
We hope we have not impaired the lady's
health by "drivel" I wonder why she read
column.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
Legal For Rich, illegal For
POOr-WHY?

Judge Seeger learned that Joseph Mazaresa had lived
his mother and brother for three doing no work
He should be horsewhpped the judge thought and arrested
as a vagrant Sound, judicial decision undoubtedly.
But why Joseph Mazaresa especially? What about other
of thousands that do work. but live the money
left by fathers dead and buried? Why it all right for
them absolutely idle? If the poor should be horse
whipped for ideness why the rich? Is the crime of idle
ness greater in the poor man?
If you say "the rich has right to be idle, you
must admit that the poor has the right, he
manage it, and assuming that this is republic. 1t is
public in which judges and others take different views of
different men, according the amount of money they have
If young Mr. Croesus Jones told the Judge he had lived
without work three years. would there be horsewhp
ping suggested?
In Boston supreme court Judge decides that women in
his court and in his presence making OATH testfyng shall
have their heads UNCOVERED. No hats bonnets
Paul. in his first letter to the Corinthians has differ
ent view concerning men and in public places of
great sanctity such a church a court He wrote:
EVERY MAN PRAYING OR PROPHESYING,
HAVING HIS HEAD COVERED DISHONORETH
HIS HEAD.
BUT EVERY WOMAN THAT PRAYETH OR
PROPHESIETH WITH HER HEAD UNCOVERED
DIsHONORETH HER HEAD; FOR THAT Is EVEN
ALL ONE AS IF SHE WERE sHAVEN
Paul even said that if woman didn't keep her head
covered she should have her hair shorn.
The decision of the Boston judge following similar de-
csons elsewhere might have important results The style
of women's hats would change. would not PIN
her she had to take it off The false hair business
would suffer- the result might be short hair for
well Not bad result, either. With short haired
women would admire well shaped female skulls, i'm
portant to the next generation
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
IN LOVE WITH TWO MEN.
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
a young girl twenty-five years old, and
have been corresponding with a man five years
my senior for over year and u half during
which time he has never visited me, always Of
fering some He claims to love me, and
has asked me three times to marry him. The
only time see him is when l visit in his home
town. / wearing his diamond ring, but 1t is
not an engagement present
Three months ago l met one OF Uncle Sans
boys, and 1t n case of love at first sight, he
has served two years over seas. has been deco
rated for bravery, but re-enlsted just before
met him. Now, Miss Fairfax he knows just how
I stand with this other party, and has asked me
to give the first man up and marry him. He said
that he would marry right away walt
until he is discharged which will be three and
one-half years. l willing to marry him
also to wait for him for I love him far more
than ] can ever love the first one. DO you think
l should write again to No. l and ask him for
explanation also should send back the ring
INPATIENT.
A girl OF twenty-five should know her own
mind better than you seem to know yours. II
you love the second man, why seek an eNpana-
ton from the first Aren't you through with
him? or course, send his ring back,
DO you really want to marry, or do you just
want another scalp for your belt"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
DESIGNATING THE UNIFORM.

I've seen many evidences lately on
desecration of the uniform OF the
United States army. and it seems to
me it ought to be stopped. Just as a
sample, / saw an Anticipated colored
man all dolled up in an officers uni
form. four shiny medals grazing the
upper portion. while his legs wer"
encased in dark pigskin puttees. He
wore a barracks cap, twisted in sucl
a way as 10 resemble an officers. j.
was evident that he did not belong
in the army and had never been in ii
L. y. ].
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
ss1nEARla nSfErfGs1
WHY HE COULDN'T GET HOME.


At the Union Station my friend
bought a berth for New Haven.
Conn. the agent remarking. You're
just in time; it's the last on the
train" Just as we started to leave
an old lady rushed up. out of breath,
and begged the agent for a berth to
New York. Every sorry" he said,
Gust sold the last one to this gen.
tleman." Turning TO my friend, she
pleaded, please sell me your berth;
it's a matter of life and death" My
friend gave up his berth, and, GO
ing over to the Western Union, sent
this telegram to his wife:
Wont be home tonight. Just
gave berth to an old lady"
NUMBER 10.
If Guizzed as to who was thu
originator of the flivver, woul'
Major GESS-FORD?
TOM CULHANE.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
We TOWNE GOSSIP
Registered u. S. Patent OfncA
Registered u. S. Pa
X. G. B.

Dear X. C. B.: You are doing so much to
bring the real spirit of Christmas time in
homes that are cheerless, and where much
happiness will come through your efforts, that
/ feel We should all help you to make this
Christmas very merry one, so i am sending
you a Greenwich Village Follies 1920 Girl Doll
who is wearing one of my masks which have
especially made for this doll.
/ hope you will give the doll to some little
one, or have it auctioned off to help your
Christmas Fund. w. T. BENDA.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
MIR. B. Baer
ON
The Crime Wave.

Psychoanalysts buzz that the crime wave,
which has the works by the tail. is caused by
out of work A psychoanalyst is gent
who doesn't work either He holds down center
field in Morris chair and waits for things TO
happen to other folks. Then he starts his psy-
choanaiizer whirling and turns in minority re-
port
Another psychoangie is that the misdemeanor
tide is result of the war. Doughboys had to
salute second looies long before equal suffrage
made constitutional. A soldier who had
been exposed for two years to bullets and army
pay would naturally think the world owed him
the high cost Of living.
So he takes a handful Of open plumbing and
plays the socktette from the opera La Conclusion
on a fragile citizens skull The reason why the
water service Is bad in apartments is that
the landlords renting out the pipes to their
fellow lodge members in the outdoor end OF
the industry.
The season is now on for soft shelled citizens.
The s. P. c. A. protects the animals, the Audi
bon Society looks after the birds, but New
York citizen is the noblest work OF the Creator.
Therefore, his only protection is pad-up policy.
The felony flood is not limited to New York
or course. we get the cream OF the murders, first
whack at the hold-ups and the pick OF the first
national burglary releases. Chicago, Pittsburgh,
Boston, Philadelphia and other high rent dis
tricts report a healthy increase In unhealthiness
The cracking OF skulls in Chicago sounds like
aria Of rivets at the height Of the operate
boiler season.
There is a perennial, ever blooming commun-
ity chorus of police whistles in Philadelphia and
the cops won't answer one that is pitched an oc-
tave too high When a high acl<er tunes up his
blackjack on n native skullpiece the police know
that 1t Is only poor genius trying to collect
enough money to study abroad.
Highjacking is an easy way to gather liv-
ing. You rob gent Of a birdcage full OF money,
sock him chilly with a yard of sanitary plumb
ing. and then sue his estate for the war tax.
We don't want Kris Kringle to put any jack,
jewelry, bonds diamonds in our stocking.
All we want Is a little sand in II.
Then we will 20 out and get the rest
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
WILL YOU
Be a Good eU0W?
Haste Is Necessary To Prevent Christmas
Gloom And Sorrow-Cleo May6eld En-
rolls As A Joy Dispenser Basketball
Game Will Be Played For Benefit
Of Needy Families.

Only four more days remain for the Good Fellows OF
Washington to volunteer to guarantee merry Christmas
for poverty stricken and needy families in the National
Capital
While the philanthropicaly inclined men and women
the city responded generously to the appeal to
prevent the tragedy of the empty stocking and to let
of the old folk go without reminder that Christmas
season of gadness and rejoicing there still remains
long list of needy persons file in the Good Fellow Depart
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
PERTINENT TRUTHS.

when will the church bell attract az
large a crowd as the IRE brll2
Hatc Is n lOwgradc oil that ~ Hkely TO
ignite on the bearings
widows are like oil barrels-they are
worth more second hand than new.
There Is no use offering reward for n
lost opportunity
A Wise guy is n man who never accepts
, favor until he Ia certain as to the cost.
Flattery, like sweets, Is always accept
abio, but, like sweets, II In stimulant and
ioca not noursh
Printed thoughts arc like scandal, once
started. they go on and on forever.
IL. II. W. Sr.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
UNUSUAL NAMES.

Here are some Of the queer names
on file in the War Risk Bureau: Iva
Wright, Inez Stubblefield, Mary Rain
water. Laura Young CabbaSestaik,
Mrs. Sippie Shaw, Martha Turnipseed,
Evelyn Rasbury, T. Pluribus Unum
Horsey, Anna r. whitehead, Francis
r. Whitecotton. Edward L. White
head. Stella Struck. Carrie Sites,
Christopher Laufer Wigle.
SAYS WHICH.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
HOW TO FEED THE CAKES.

AS Christmas is coming inc
friends OF the cake-eaters VIII
want to feed them sweet thlngs'
l suggest that the best thlnS
will be animal crackers, these
being just about suitable.
HANNAH B.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
TOUCHING POEMS.

His name was Willie Wood.
Her name was Susie Glue.
He pressed her to his heart and said.
My dear, I'm stuck on you"
The butter had refused TO come,
And with angry CLEAN
In both eyes, the dairymaid
Got mad and whipped the cream.
HARRY NJ.
Willie was at play in the back
yard with his little brother. Ma,
no hollered, II wish you would come
cut here and make Bob behave
every time / hit him on the head
with the hammer he bawls."
HARRY NJ.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21

pigs Knuckles and Sauer
Kraut, 5Oc." Sign in a lunch
room. remember when you
could buy the whole mess for
nickel, with a stove-pipe full of
beer thrown in for good meas
ure. These dead spirits simply
will not down.
FRED vETTER.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
LAUGH.

If it brings good cheer to smile,
then why not laugh often and early
for the same reason, as
Laugh by day and laugh by night.
Laugh when wrong and laugh when righ1
Laugh In sunshine. laugh IN rain,
Laugh in Joy, laugh in pain.
Laugh in troubles, wear and tear,
Laugh at every wound and scar.
Laugh misfortunes down the line,
Laugh, because there's no use to wh!n'
Laugh abroad. laugh at home,
Laugh when bright eyes meet your own.
Laugh the hours and years away
Laugh until your dying day.
NAT MILES
Here's looking atche, waste
basket" is the cheerful conclusion
of a contribution of Mrs. A. 4. c.
The corelese apple
Has been born,
But who would ask
For cobless corn?
TOOTSlE
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-21
HE LOVES HER YET.

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
I have just been granted divorce from my
wife. Last Saturday saw her and she smiled
at me. and her again at the skating rink
/ asked her to skate with me. l believe that she
still loves DO you think It would be all
right IL should ask her to marry me over again
as love her with all my heart, II. T. @.
or course. pop the question again. And here's
luck to you