The Lamar register., 1920-07-21


count.
Second-To write to the surgeon
general, United States army. and learn
all about the inoculatlon of officers
and enlisted men as "a preventive OF
typhoid fever.
Third-To go In search Of Barney
Larkin, who was touted AS the great.
est handler outside the breast.
works of organized baseball
Like the manager In the war game.
iris Ford believed In preparedness.
He was almost invariably forearmed.
But he wasn't prepared for the trick
played him by a criminally negligent
city which harbored a water supply
devoted to the propagation OF typhoid
bacilli. Otherwise he wouldn't have
thought for one moment Of hitching up
with two yards and fifteen stone Of
human trouble. even though said
trouble did boast phenomenal fast
ball and beautiful control-"control"
not of the man, but Of the ball.
Not one Of the other fifteen major
league managers would have under
taken the job OF handling Barney Lar
kin. Two had tried. II was Parke OF
Pittsburgh who discovered Larkin. For
fully twenty-four hours after Larkin
pitched his first big-league game. shut
ting out Cincinnati. Parke bOasted Of
his find. Then abruptly he ceased to
boast; and after two weeks. replete
with excitement for the Pirates, the
eccentric performer was given his un-
conditional release. When the pnrt-
ing was over. Parke made this state
ment:
ave seen some grand port siders
and some bad actors In my day. but
Barney Larkin's got 'em all beat. Curv-
ing a ball and crooking his elbow seem
to be born In him. Reminds me Of .
famous Irishman who bOasted he could
fight a duel and drink a bowl Of punch
between thrusts. And the more he
drank the harder he fought SO with
Barney. He can pitch shut-out ball
between drinks. The more hard liquor
he puts away the faster his ball and
the better his control. I'm not Joking
drinking actually improved his pitch
ing. But It didn't have the same ef-
feet on other players with our club
there was the devil to pay. No more
Barneys for me-"
Undismayed by the Judgment Of
Parke. the manager Of the Cincinnatis
grabbed Larkin. Dragging: "Observe
mel can handle any player who isn't
actually bughouse."
Balloon observed. 1t wasn't alto
-k.t I
though that WAS "a-plenty." 1t was
what he did to the Cincinnati team.
When they next appeared In the East.
one Of the sporting writer's said that
nothing so disorganized had come out
Of Ohio since CoIey's army. Gladly
the load Of wild oats" as Barney had
come to be called. was given his un-
conditional release.
He was now officially designated q
"free agent" But where had his free
dom taken him?
There was a sure way to trace Bar
ney Larkin. He loved the spotlight /;
no near statesman or Thespian Of the
chorus sought the bright white light
more persistently. Barney was either
in the newspapers or seeking to break
into print. Most generally he found
the scribes In a receptive frame Of
mind. Barney Larkin was to the
sporting writers what Harry T'haw
was to the sob artists-good for a COL
umn any dull day. And the story.
nine times out of ten, got on to the
wire and travelled over the country.
iris Ford sent out an "S. o. s." to
Barney Larkin. the sporting editor Of
the North Star acting as transmitter.
The scribe wrote a story about Bar
ney. rehearsing his exploits with
horsehide and highball. and winding
up with the query:
HAS anyone seen Barneyf Is he
far from the madding crowd Of fans.
humping along on the water wagon.
or Is he mixing up drinks and pitching
with his oId-time abandon and ne'er-
failing skill? We repeat-has anyone
seen Barney LarkinT'
Back flew the answer: Barney is
In our midst"
II came from Punxsutawney. state
Of Pennsylvania
The rest was merely the correspond
ence Of diplomacy, at which Tr1s-tram
Carling-ford was a lineal descendant
of Charles Maurice Talleyrand. The