davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Substitutes.

They've closed up the mouth OF the jug
and the bottle
And sealed the retorts and the still
They haven't encountered or smoking,
but throttle
The smoke, In its time, boys. they
will
And when they have made Lady Nico-
tine sick
Wen have to go back to our kinnink.
inic Richmond Times Dispatch.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
It's AeNantaae.

There. UG, good thing about
moving picture show"
what. thatf"
You cau take tbe wife 20 one In
the evening without her thinking you
ought tu blow her 81 20 swell cafe
dinner afterwards"
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Mistake or Confession7

The nervous bridegroom was called
upon 10 make speech at the wedding
breakfast.
Putting his hand on his brides shoul-
der. he hesitatingiy remarked: ladies
and Gentlemen, this thing has been
thrust upon me."--London Tit.Bits.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
In, cut,sura rellet ITO.

Having cleared your sk,u keen IL clear
Dy making Curruru your every day
toilet preparations. The soap 90 cleanse
aud purify The ointment 'o sOp,he and
heal the Ta.Cum GO powder aud per
rumc. No toilet table l, complete
without them 25c sycryvhere.-Ady
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Don't Fool with Dynamite.

Never fcll q woman that 81" carries
her uE, wcIl--aud as you vaIue your
ufe. never tel her that she doesn't
Boston Transcript.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Posted.

Mrs. Klubmann--Going out. dearf
You don't know how lonesome II II
here evenings
Klabmann---Uh, yes do;; that's the
reason Tn going out.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
The Reassurinu Word.

II have implicit faith In my hus.
hand," she said. "fve never seen him
Try 10 tlirt with anyone"
.But," her comforting friend asked,
s.docsnt he ever go anywhere unless
you are with himf"-Chicago Herald
and Examiner.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Too Numerous.

sits wrong for man 70 keep q
csri index II his enemies
1T II. indeed" said Senator Suorts-
wothy. "And II he happens to be In
poIitics, It's impossible"
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

II sometimes happens that man
refer, t0 hi, wife aS q "irwc" just be-
cause she j. set in her ways.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

There Is nothing that horrs man
who t. IN love more than a crowd.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

a mas usually puts bis best foot
forward hUt nu' So w.rh mule
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

Most OF vs. prcto- huir-raiSju-
story 10 bald statement of facts
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
MORE THAN $50 NEW ellls
INTRODUCES IN HOUSE

Mon. than $50 new bills and rrsolu
,ions we're introduced into the Eou-s
on tie opening day of the fnal session
of the sixty sixth Congress The new
measures dealt with almost every con
criybhI- subject. Including proposals
for repeal ~ war laws. for appropriH
tiou- - millions ~ dollars for my
Rad u purposes pensions aud many
measures for farmers relicf only D
few we're ~ general importance All
~ them. and thousands from prrced
lng SESSIONS will -. unless enacted
befur. March 4
Among the new IIous. measures wns
n bll' hy Representative Osborne. Re-.
publican. California. 20 exempt all Lib.
eriy aud Victory bonds from fnvntion
Representative Bacr. Republican
North Dakota. introduced resolution
TO provide Tor an immediate embargo
on wheat
Representative Chr!sippherSon. Re.
publican. South Dakota. offered rcsU.
lu,ion 20 stabilize pric,s ~ al leading
farm products
Fluetustion OF Prices.
Representative Dickinson tNcp) ~
lows proposed n special committee 'o
investigate fluctuations In prices ~
grain. live stock and cotton
Representative Sinnutt tR.p), ore.
gon. proposed an embargo an wool
Representative Ayres tnemD Kan.
sas. proposed a constitutional amend
ment authorizing a majority Of the
senate 20 rutify treaties
Representative Langley ORepD.
Kentucky submitted resolution r.
questing Congress 10 announce 20 the
world that President Wilson To- dealing
with the Armenian question was not
In any way ohIigut!ug this Government
to Use IT, land. sea or air furccs.
finances or other resources.
Representative bland tRepl u In
diana introduced resolution 10 iuycs-
tlsate relations between the United
States, Ilaiii and the Dominican Re-
public. with particular reference 10
conduct of American officers.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

IN. women hay. 'hr vote. but the
mail vote must also be- counted.
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16

"rhere ARE two ways In which the
United States can assist TO accomplish
this great object First, by offering the
example within her own borders OF the
will and power of democracy to make
and enforce laws which are unques-
sicnably Just and which are equal In
their administration which Sc
cure It's full right TO labor and yet at
Marble Hill press., 1920-12-16
Urges Economy.

The cessation OF the Governments
borrowing except through shortterm
certificates Of Indebtedness has been
matter of great consequence TO the
people OF the country at large, as well
as to the holders OF Liberty Bonds and
Victory Notes, and has had an impor.
tant hearing on the matter Of effective
credit control, The year has been
characterized by the progressive with
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
THE OCTOPUS MAROONED
By O. HENRY

by sci. esteem at our success. the
rudimcnts OF the scheme having
originated IN mis- own surmises
and pTemOnitiOns. He got OF the
sale and lit the biggest cigar in
the house.
'Jcm' says he. I don't suppose
that anywhere in the world you
could find three COrmOrants with
brighter ideas about down tread
ing the proletariat than the firm
of Peters. Satan and Tucker, i'll
COrporltcd. We nave sue handed
the small consumer giant blow
in the sole apopleCtic region. No?'
Well says I. lit docs look
as if we would have to take. up
gasrritis and golf or be measured
for kits in spite OF ourselves.
This little turn in hug juice Is.
verify. all to the Skibo. And
can stand it, says I. I'd rather
battrn than bant any day
Andy pours himself out four
fingers of our best rye ard docs
it as was so intended. IT was the
first drink l had ever known him
to take.
by way Of liberation. says he.
to the gods.
And then after thus doing
umbrage TO the heather diabetes
he drinks another to our success.
And then he begins to toast the
trade. beginning with i}aisuli and
the Northern Pacific, and on down
the line to the little ones like the
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19

! snake TO scrape the mud of his
boots.
"Pa-dner. says /, what has hap
pened? This morning there was
hectic gayety about; and now IL
seems more like one OF them
ruined cities OF Tyre and Siphon
where the lone lizard crawls on
the walls of the main portcullis.'.
1.-The whole town says the
muddy man. ia up in Sperry 5
wool warehouse listening to your
side-kicker make a speech. He
is some gravy on delivering him
self OF audible sounds relating to
matters and conclusions says'the
man.
"well, l hope he'll adjourn.
sine qua non, pretty soon says ],
for trade languishes.'
Not a customer did we have
that afternoon. At o'clock two
Mexicans brought Andy to the ss-
loon lying across the back OF a
burro. We put him to bed while
he still muttered and geSticulated
with his hands and feet
Then ] locked up the cash and
went out TO see what had hap
pened. l net a man who told me
all about IT, Andy had made the
finest two-hour speech that had
ever heen heard IN Texas. he said.
or anywhere else in the wCrld.
What was It about? / asked.
Temperance says he. And
when he got through every man
in Bird City signed the pledge for
a year"
Copyright, 1929, by Wheeler Syndicate, lac.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19

RELEASES BOY
Judge Favors Mrs. Smith S
Appeal and Paroles Youth
Who ''Cracked'' Safe.

Undismayed because an.aged Of
fender whom he gave an oppor-
tunity to do better left the court
room and deliberately began steal
ing again. Justice Ashley NJ. Gould.
the District Supremn Courts crimin-
Oligist. undertook another expert
mcnt along the same lines yestcr-
day
Tn" subject of the latest expert
ment il Dennis Leahy Smith. ~.
OF 1900 East capitol street. who
began criminal career year ago
along with two other boys by
cracking" the safe of the Brewuod
Engraving Company. 5I9 Thirteenth
street northwest.
Smith was sentenced to a year
and "A half at the refOrmatory at
LOrtOn. Va, and had served but
little over two months of his sen
tenCe. His mother appealed to the
court to release him giving as a
reason that she needed the help OF
the boy at home and promising TO
see that he behaved himself in the
future.
The pleadinGs of the mother pre-
vailed and Smith was brought up
from LortUn. at the request of As
sistant District Attorney Paul B.
Cromelin. who agreed to give the
boy another chance.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
Speed Urged In Placing
Value on Land for Streets

Corporation Counsel Francis H.
stephens and his assistant. Ring
gold Hart, yesterday asked Justice
Gould in Equity Court to impanel
juries to fix valuation figures on
lands proposed for condemnation by
the District Commissioners for the
opening of Webster. Allison and
Buchanan streets. between Arkansas
avenue and Fourteenth street north
west.
The plans also include the widen
ing of Arkansas avenue between
Thirteenth and Sixteenth streets
northwest. \ large number Of
property holders will be summoned
before the juries and interviewed
as to the value of the land to be
taken.
The Commissioners request speedy
action by the jUries and declare that
the proposed Improvements are in
accord with plans for n permanent
system of highways for the District
as approved recently by Congress.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
CONTINUED FROM PAGE one.

NON llNJED FkOM PAGE ONE.
zens saw that we had EN-. The
nearest railroad was thirty miles
away; and it would lie two weeks
at least before the river would be
fordable. So they began to cuss.
amiable. and throw down dollars
on the bar till it sounded like a
selection on the xyIophonc.
There was about 1900 grown
UP adults in Bird City that had
arrived at Years Of indisCretiOn:
and the majority Of EN- required
from three to twenty drinks Il
day to make life endurabIe. The
Blue Snake was the only place
where they could get EN- till the
food subsidized 1t was beautiful
and simple as all truly great
swindles are.
About 10 o'clock the silver
dollars dropping on the bar slOW-
ed down to playing two-steps and
marches instead Of jigs. But |
looked out the windows and saw
hundred or two of our custom
erS standing in line at Bird City
Savings and Loan Co. and | knew
they were borrowing more money
tendrils of the octopus.
Now, there were three saloons
in Bird City. though neither Andy
nor me drank. But we could see
the tOwnspeOple making a tri-
angular procession from one to
another all day and half the
night. Everybody seemed to know
what 20 do with as much money
as they had.
The third day of the rain it
Stacked up awhile in the after
noon, so me and Andy walked out
to the edge Of town to view the
mudscape. Bird City was built
between the Rio Grande and a
deep wide arroyo that used to he
the old bed of the river. The
bank between the stream and it's
old bed was cracking and giving
away. when We shw it, on account
Of the high water caused by the
rain. Andy looks at it a long
time. That mans intellects was
never idle. And then he unfolds to
me a instantaneous idea that has
occurred to him. Right there was
organized n trust: and We walked
back into town and put it on the
market.
First we went to the main
saloon in Bird City. called the
Blue Snake. and bought it. 1t
cost us $1,000. And then we
dropped in, casual. at Mexican
JOe's place, referred to the rain.
and bought him out for $500. The
other one came easy at S400.
AT the fashionable hour of
noon everybody went home to
dinner. We told the bartenders
to do the same. Then me and
Andy counted the receipts. We
had taken in $1,000. We calculated
that If Bird City would only re-
main an island for two weeks
the trust would be able to en-
dow the Chicago University with
a new dormitory of padded cells
for the faculty. and present every
worthy poor man in Texas with
a farm, provided he furnished the
site for il.
Andy was especially inroaded
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19

"a =
are bound 10 get rid OF this ac-
emulation Of vernacular suppose
You go out in town and work 1T
or some indulgent citizen. Me and
the boys will take care Of the
business. Everybody viii be
through dinner pretty soon, and
salt pork and beans makes a man
pretty thirsty. We ought to take
IN sl'5OO more by midnight
so Andy goes out of the Blue
Snake. and see him stopping
men on the street and talking to
EN-. BY and by he has half a
dozen in bunch listening TO him;
and pretty soon / see him waving
his arms and elocuting at a good
sized crowd on a corner. When
ne walks away they string out
after him, talking all the time;
ana he leads EN- down the main
street Of Bird City with more men
Joining the procession as .hey go.
IT reminded me of the old legerde-
main that III read in books about
the Pied Piper of Heidsieck
charming the children away from
the town.
One o'clock came; and then
two; and three got under the wire
for place; and not a Bird citizen
came in for drink. The streets
were deserted except for some
ducks and ladies going to the
stores There was only a light
drizzlc falling then.
"A lonesome man came along
and stopped in front of the Blue
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19


ment OF words and phrases that
have got to have an exodus. / can
feel millions of synonyms and
partssDf speech rising in me- says
he, and I've got to make a speech
OF some sort. Drink. says Andy,
always drives me TO oFatory.'
III you've got to get rid of
your excess verbiage,' says ], why
not go out on the river bank
and speak a piece? Il seems to
me there was an old speIl-Dinder
named CanthaFides that used to
go and disincorporate himself of
his windy numbers along the
seashore.
NO. says Andy. 4 must have
an audience. l feel like IL once
turned loose people would begin
to call Senator Reveridge the
Grand Young Sphinx of the Wa
bash. I've got to get this oral
distension assuaged or it may
turn in on me and I'd go about
feeling like a deckIe-edged edi-
tion de luxe of Mrs. r. d. e n.
Sguthworth.'
ION what special subject of
the theorems and topics does your
desire for voCality seem to be
connected with" ! asks
- amt particular says Andy.
4 am equally good and varicose
OH all subjects. l can take up
the matter of Russian immigra-
tion. or the poetry of John w.
Keats. or the tariff, or kabyle lit
q eraturs. or drainage, and make
my audience weep. cry, sob and
shed tears by turns
We'll. Andy says I. If you
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19

school book combine ans the
aleomargarlne outrages and the
Lehigh Valley and Great Scott
Coal Federation.
It's all right. Andy, says l.
TO drink the health of our brother
monopolists, but don't overdo the
wassail. You know our most
eminent multi-corruptionlsts live
on weak tesi and dog biscuits
Andy went In the back room
awhile and came out dressed in
his best clothes. There was a
kind OF murderous and soulful
look Of gentle riotcusness in his
eye that | didn't like. / watched
him TO see what turn the whisky
was going to take in him, There
are two times when you never
can tell what Is going TO happen.
one is when a man takes his ifrst
drink: and the other is when a
woman takes her latest.
In less than an hour Andy's
skate had turned to an lee yacht.
lie was outwardly decent and
managed to preserve his aqua
rum, but inside he was i'm
promptu and full Of unexpected
ness.
jeff says he, do you know
that I'm crater--a living
crater"
That's a selfevident hypotn-
esis,' says I. But you're not
Irish. Why don't you say 'crea-
ture.' according to the rules and
syntaN of America
I'm the crater Of a volcano.
says he. I'm all afiane and
crammed inside with an assert :
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
COSTS NOBAR
OEMIGRATI0N
New Passport Wise Charge
Does Not Stop Record
Ocean Travel.
Cwashington HcraId-Pubiic Ledger
Service, Special Cable Dispatch.)

Service, Special Cable Dispat"hD
London, Sept. 1S.-America is still
the land Of promise in spite OF the
SO cost of passport wise, said
Robert skinner, consulate general
in Great Britain, in an interview
here today.
We expected a decided decrease
in the number of applications for
vIses after July /. when the price
was raised, but such has not been
the case. Although they may eX-
press umComplimentary private opln-
ions. most persons recognize the IN
crease was necessary as revenue
measure and pay 1t the same as
they do cents for q postage stamp.
prospective tourists and resi-
dents Of the United states, IN
reality. pay more than $40. for at
the present rate Of exchange that
sum in terms of English money
means three pounds.
"Emigratinn to the United states
increased tremendously during the
past few months and is almost two
thirds that Of the period previous
to the war" he continued.
at present it is limited only by
the capacity of ships"
The greatest exodus from war
burdened Europe is being made
from the region around Danzig.
Copyright 1920. by Public Ledger co..
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
JUDGE HOLDS PRISON
ONE REAL THEFT CURE

Prison bars are more effective in
preventing thefts than mere threats
on the part of the courts to send a
man to Jail if he continues stealing.
according to an opinion by Judge
kimball yesterday in Police Court
in the case of John Hansen. who
was charged with the theft Of S115
worth Of electrical supplies from
Rudolph & West Company, hard
aware merchants.
Hansen who was employed by
|the hardware concern. was arrested
a few days ago by Detective Hugh
lett and four charges of larceny
placed against him. Despite plans
by counsel for the accused that
most of the stolen goods had been
recovered, Judge EimbalI refused to
place Hansen on probation. and
sent him to Jail for four months in
stead.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
DRASTIC RED" CURB
SOUGHT BY PALMER

Drastic legislation to curb agita-
tors and punish bomb piotters will
be requested from Congress by At
tOrney General Palmer in mis- next
report it was announced at the De
partment OF Justice yesterday. Mr.
Palmer also will ask sufficient
funds to carry on the work OF the
bureau Of Investigations more cf-
fcctively. This Will mean the en-
pioymcnt of large number Of ad-
ditional men to run down eN-
tremist activities.
George $. Rice, chief engineer for
the Bureau of Mines and expert on
explosives. has returned from New
York. The purpose Of the per-
petration was to destroy life rather
tnau property" he said. 1T is
clearly indicated that they had .
practical knowledge of explosives
and their effect"
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
PAPER SURPLUS
IN NRHINELAND
Price of News Print Drops
To Only Three Cents
Per Pound.
CwashinEton Herald-Publie Ledger
Service, Special Cable Dispntch.)


Berlin. Sept. 1S.-German news
paper publishers in one respect are
in a happy condition compared to
the American publishers. The price
Of paper, long so high that many Of
the weaker newspapers were forced
to suspend and the industry. in gen
eral. kept going only by the aid Of
a government subsidy. nov is fall
ing and periodicals are able to buy
all the paper they require at figures
materially below that charged a
few months ago.
One of the biggest publishers said
he considered the paper crisis pass
ed so far as supply is concerned.
He now is buying at 3 cents a
pound and hopes to obtain an even
better price. There is even sur
plus in the better grades used by
illustrated papers and there would
be for the ordinary grades Of news
print if the manufacturers were not
selling their excess abroad.
800 Carloads for 1. =.
One large contract for 800 car
loads has just been placed IN the
United States, and the manufaCtur-
ers hope to continue their sales in
America II the government Will
grant the necessary export permit.
The newspapers, as result of the
more abundant supplies, gradually
are working back toward their pre-
war size and are establishing
their market, business, technical,
tourist and other special sections
which they were forced to abandOn
or greatly curtail during the war
and the armistiCe.
sales Prices sim High.
The reading public. however. con
tinUes to feel the result of the old
increases in. the price Of paper.
labor. and the other costs of produc-
tion in the increased selling prices
which still are four to six times the
pre-war standard
Although the costs show signs of
coming down the changes will come
too late to save many OF the news
papers Of a limited circulation
which abOurded inland.
Copyright. 1870. by Public Ledger Coz
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
Body of Hagerstown
Soldier Brought Home

HagerstOwn. Md. Sept. 1S.--The
remains Of Edward l.. Doarnber-
Gcr a Hagerstown soldier who died
in France during the world war,
will arrive here today or tomorrow
from New York. The hOdy reached
New York Wednesday from France
and is the first Of the Washington
County soldiers who died overseas
TO be brought to this country.
DoarubcrEer was in four big bay-
Ties and died from pneumonia a
few days after being ordered
home. His body will he rc@ei we'd
here by his sister, Mrs l. NJ Dick.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
SUES FOR OVERDUE
ALIMONY;; SEEKS MORE

Mrs. Nalice Farr. wife Of Balm
Farr. a Treasury employe. whom
she divorced in March. 1917. COM
planned to the District Supreme
Court yesterday that her former
husband had failed to pay her $50
a month alimony in accordance with
the divorce decree.
Mrs Farr stated that she lost her
position with the Southern Railway
when the road was returned to the
private owners last spring and has
since been unable to work. She all
leges Balm is $40 in arrears. Mrs.
Farr asks that the payments be in
creased to $40 a month
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
Protest Unhealthy
Ship Conditions;
Pay Own Way
Cwashington HeraId-Cross Atlantis

CNashingtOn Heraid-CrOss Atlantic
Service, Special Cable Dispatch.
London, Sept! IS. Millard j.
Bloomer, an American newspaper
man covering the Olympic meet for
American papers, left the transport
AntigOne on which part of the
Olympic team was returning. at
Liverpool. as a protest against the
conditions on the boat. He booked
passage for a party Of forty-fivc
including the American women
swimmers, on the steamship Mobile.
He said: 1t has a load OF coffins
in which are. the exhumed bodies
Of American soldiers. We raised a
riot and wired the Olympic COM
mittee. which replied that no pas
senger ship was available"
Copyright, 1920. CrUss-AtIaatic Newspaper
Service. lHC.D
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
RED RAID THREATENED
AGAINST CENTRALIA

Centralia, Wash Sept. lS.-That
band of radicals would invade
Centralia about October i to get
revenge for the raid on / w. W.
Hall here Armistice Day was the
warning -iven in circular received
by local newspaper.
The letter was signed the Re
veDEe Committee" and was post
marked Milwaukee. Wis.
The Washington herald., 1920-09-19
Rheumatism
/ Remarkable Home Treatment
Given by One Nha Had It


In the Spring Of 1893 ! was at
| tackled bv Muscular and imam
matory Rheumatism. ] suffered
as only those VINO have r. know,
for over three years. tried
remedy after remedy. and doctor
4 fter doctor, but such relief as ]
|rrCeiVed was only temporary.
Finally. ] found a remedy that
\ cured me completely, and it has
never returned. Z have. given ~
q a number who were terribly
| afflicted and even bedriddeu with
rheumatism. some Of them 20 20
50 years old. and results were
the same as in my own case.
want every sufferer from any
Il form Of rheumatic trouble 20 try
this marvellous healing power
I Don't send a cent. simply mail
your name and address and Will
send IL free to try. After you
1 have used 10 and 81 has proven
Itself 10 be that lonE-lOoke1-tor
means uf getting rid Of your
rheumatism. you may send the
price Of IL. one dollar, but under
stand, do not want your money
unless you are perfectly satisfied
4 to send 81. Isn't that fair Why
suffer any longer when relief f.
thus offered you free2 Don't de-
! lay. Write today.
Mark H. jackson. No. 1926
4 Durston Bldg Syracuse, y. Y
Mr.. Jackson responsible. Above state
mcnt true.