The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1920-10-14

'N~'' defy the COnven-
tons, and get relief the best way he
can"
az cs understand just how it has
worried you" said the hotelkeeper.
"The fact that you couldn't reach
around and claw the itching place
with your fingers kept the matter
fresh in your memory and got on your
nerves. The pursuit of the unattain-
able always is more interesting to us
than the easier work close to hand.
You had your whole person to scratch,
and might have bought a currycomb
for a quarter, and had a good time, but
you couldn't be happy until you had
reached the one inaccessible spot
"a while ago I imagined | had
heart disease, and went and saw the
doctor, He knows | have money in
the bank, and am considered good pay,
so ne confirmed my worst fears and
made up his mind to have me for his
star patient, until one of us petered
out. He threw an awful scare into me.
so that I went home sweating ice cold
circus Lemonade.
''He gave me some medicines and a
lot of instructions. Among them was
one to the effect that when I went TO
bed I should always sleep on my right
side. He cautioned me over and over
again against laying on my left side,
and left the impression that if dis
Obeyed him, I'd wake up some morn
ing to find myself a candidate for a
floral horseshoe.
"That matter looked easy at the
time, and | assured the doctor I'd fol-
low his bylaws to the letter When
went to bed that night | stretched
out on my right side, and in ten min
ltes | wars Just suffering to roll over.
don't believe ever had such a
hankering for anything. It seemed to
me the height of human happiness
would lie I'm sleeping on ones left side.
| followed instructions for two nights,
and then I decided that life wasn't
worth such sacrifices, and I rolled over
and slept on my left side. and nothing
happened. I was feeling better than
usual next morning when I got up.
"Of course this experience lessened
my confidence in the doctors instruc-
tlons, and I concluded that if I was
going to sidestep the instructions
might as we'll sidestep the medicines,
too, for they tasted like low life in
Chinese alley, and I threw the whole
lot out Of the window. Thus the saw
bones lost his most promising patient
because he handed out a rule that
wasn't strictly necessary.
Speaking of the unattainable do
you know what's the matter with Sllas
Furbelow? He has everything a man
could ask, a stranger In the town
would say. He has beautiful home
and a wife who would be considered a
success anywhere, and he has festoOns
of money where it will do the most
good.
"Yet he has a secret sorrow. I
think he's the most melancholy man
ever saw, and his trouble is that he
can't raise a good stand of whiskers.
Nowadays, when whiskers are cOnsd-
cred an infrmity, it seems strange
that any man should grieve over such
a matter.
"He sends all over the United
States for hair growers and half the
time his face is blstered or swollen,
and still the whiskers won't grow on
him. If some miracle happened, and
he woke mp some morning to find his
,ountenance all covered with whiskers,
he'd probably have them shaved off
within a week; but because they won't
grow he won't be happy till he gets
them"