The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1920-03-13

CONSERVATION recently filled the!
ranks of the good Methodists OF OF
tawa, Kan. In sheer. awed surprise
they held their breath. appalled, at the
audacity of a brother Methodist for
so far departing from decorum as to
publish in the annual report of the
First Methodist church an article that
might be termed ''snappy and breezy
Jones Pulls a New One
The old time convention OF strict
adherence to orthodox composition for
a church article was shattered, blast
ed, bombed and thrown into the dis
ard by L. c. Jones, clerk of the FIRST
Methodist Episcopal church. OF Otta-
wa, Kan. in his annual report.
Jones wrote a keenly analytical
character sketch: a poppy. result pro
ducing article on The Trials OF q
Church Clerk, that would nave peen
the pride and Joy of a newspaper man
whose mode OF writing often departs
from the absolutely orthodox
Is an Ottawa Booster.
L. Clones, proprietor of the Jones
Clothing company, is one OF Ottawa
civic boosters. His fame IS saio TO
rival that of bling Bang Bit Blpy'
recently of Topeka. Besides ms reg
uIar business and helping to develop
Ottawa Jones is clerk OF the First
Methodist Episcopal church. lie
teaches a large class of boys.
His civic steam" may be estimated
by the joking manner in when ne
"lidded" Ottawa's Methodlsts.
The article follows:
''The Clerk claimed an extra good
bv kiss from his wife this morning
and started for the store.
After getting a shave and adVls-
ing the bookkeeper TO look as pretty
as possible and put on her rose colored
glasses he calmly sat down and waited
the Storm that was already brewing
because the statements of indebted
ness to the Church had been sent out
First comes Mr. Anybody who
says, I got your statement. here is my
box OF envelopes. When they start
sending duns believe me, I'm thru
I'VE smiled, the bookkeeper smiled
thru her colored glasses and then we
said. Please don't take exception, this
is a statement to show you how you
stand on our books and il 1t agrees
with what you think you have paid
This is not :. dun, it's merely state
ment.' Mr.. Anybody goes out ana we
heave a sigh of relief as much as 10
say was a business man until l ac-
copied a job on the board of stewards.
Next come Mr.. Careless, who ex-
claims. L pay 20 cents a week and
pay every Sunday, how can 1 be 20
cents short, as your statement shows?
We explained knowing that Mr.. Care
less doubts our word) that one Sunday
there was only cents in the envel-
ope and it was marked on the outside
% cents and suggested that it was no'
doubt due to poor eyeSight.
Mr. Careless gave US then and
there another quarter, leaving him
overpaid five cents-Oh! Lord, who
forced this job upon me?
Now come Mr.. Nobody. oh! MIR.
Clerk I just had a little luck and
want to show my appreciation and
express NV DIea sure in soma special
WY. so I here hand you a check for
$1,000 for the Church. Yes says
the Clerk. 1T certainly is lovely; may
your tribe increase, Mr.. Nobody
80 Lord, Give Me Strength"
Next comes a lady. who assumes
very naughty air. Here is the
amount 1 pledged, she says, and 1
want to tell you something. If you
publish my name in the financial
bulletin at the end of the year next
year won't pay anything The Clerk.
very much surprised humbly said, I'm
only a poor cheap clerk, my salary
is limited to a considerable amount
OF grief and l am working under or
ders OF the Board o Lord, give
me strength.
Next comes Mr.. Cheerful. 4, Welt
Well, Good morning. How Are you,
coming? 7 just happened to be down
town, thought l would pay my next
quarters dues. Didn't the pastor
preach a great sermon last Sunday
and wasn't the music fine? We ought
to fill that church every Sunday.
Goodbye and good luck
"'Oh! Mr.. Chairman give me this
job forever
And so it goes throut the week
Monday morning comes and we enter
upon our weekly task of Sorting the
envelopes from Sundays collection,