The Washington times., 1920-01-17
WIS THE THING" SAYS RING LARDNER Tyss4s1HE He%0T

young but later on most OF them be-
gins to cut up and Taze he'll.
However ! don't want nobody 70
think ! am adviceing them TO not buy
a car. They's nothing more fascinat-
ing than buying a car aud specially
now days when theys so much Of the
element OF surprise and suspence mix
ID up I'm II. Its a good deal like
good play on the stage. In the LIST. act
YOU don't know exactly what Is going
10 happen In the last act but you
know what you wished would happen.
And when you sign up a order blank
for car you don't know what you
are going 10 get but you know what
you ordered and sometimes what you
nnely get Is pretty near like IL and
that Is where the surprise comes in.
For instants, last summer, when
/ had past up the car that I would
have boughten II hadn't tried to
drive II nrst and pretty near choked
10 death on my knee, why then 4
went In l OF the show rooms
OF OF the best makes. a car that
Is bilt so that a man over 5 Il. tall
can drive IL, and signed my name
on the blank and payed so much
down In advance and they asst ME
what special features wanted AMI
/ says / want kind OF o light dark
blue body and tan brown wire wheels
and tan brown upholstery TO match
the wheels and so and so tires.
Well you haven't no -idear how sur
prised / was when 7 finely got the
car with a stock color body and black
wooden wheels and black uph olstcry
to mach the wheels and such and
such tires. The surprise lsyed in the
fact that the car was the same make
l.. II.
OF things that renders buying a car
so interesting az 1t is just like the
old days when you set down and
wrote Santa Claus a letter and said
what you wanted for xmas. but when
II finally come time to look into your
stocking you was sure to find some
thing that tickled you to death but
nothing like what you asst him for.
Gives Good Advice.
As fore me giving my readers al
vice on how TO lern TO drive your
, car after you get a hold OF II, why
they can't be no hNed rules layed
down as the laws IL so different in
different parts OF the country. For
instants where ! live in Connecticut
before you can get a license, you half
to take a drivers examination and you
are supposed to study up in a book
and nnd out what Is the penaltys for
different violations OF the law and
be able to tell them when they ques-
tion you. Out in Illinois you don't
take no test. but the Judge gives
you all that information a piece at
time.
Out west you stop at a garage and
say. Gimme 10 gals OF gas and a at.
of oil" But in New York state you
stop in front of a grocery store and
say. Can you spare me 10 gals OF gas
and a qt. OF oil III il isn't too much
trouble?" On the eastern roads in
cold weather you can drive with
hand and keep the other in your
pocket, but out west you have to
drive with 1 hand and hold onto the
wheel with the other to keep II from
bounceing out of the car.
However east or west they's moth
ing like II and they will be more cars
than ever on the roads this comeing
yr. what with all the millionaire I.
w. W. buying them, but don't let that
scare you out of buying ] for your
self because vile the increased num-
ber of cars may jam up the roads
little II won't be no harder to drive
because as 1 say most OF US is going
to be sober.
Practices on Plano.
BESIDES wltch IL mas peen tnls pro
experience that most OF the smashes
comes when theys the lease traffic
abroad. About 8 mos. after / had
boughten my frst horseless carriage
/ got the cute idear at 2 o'clock l
morning that il would be nice to
drive out to the Wayside inn witch
was a place about Is miles out side of
Chi and l don't know how to describe
it only it wasn't a church. Well when
/ landed out there the inn was all lit
up like a cemetery but I went up and
banged on the door and finely a wait
er let me in and lighted a candle in
the parler and went hack to sleep
vile l enjoyed a few hours practice
on the piano.
Well, / got back in Chi between Z
in the morning and come back to
Lawrence's ave. and they was only ]
uoh icle he sidna rnuself ON the sts and