The citizen. [volume] (Berea, Ky.) 1899-1958, 1920-07-29

imagine I've suddenly gone crazy or
or anything and please don't
take anything I say tonight to mean
weakness because, honestly, I've
thought about this so much that it's
rather disinteerated me but I've
got to tell you some things don't
want to-" His shoulders squared in
resolution; and at the look OF pain in
his eyes. OF pain and despair, her
whole womanlIness went out TO him
and had TO be crushed, because she
was. after all, n woman.
Her look TO him was first Of aston
Ishment at his surrender, and, after
that, Of swift, ineffable pity for the I'M
named forces which we're influencing
him. womanliness hung in the bal
ance; and then. in a fash Of perfect
comprehension Of his plight. she knew
that she could speak to him without
reserve. He had passed beyond the
bounds Of conventionallty; she put
herself, mentally. at his side.
IF It hurts you to say It," she said.
I've known you've been fond
Of me. How could I help TT And why
Shouldn't you have the right to think
Of III Why shouldn't you have the
right to be yourselff Why shouldn't
you have the right to talk to me, and
to expect me to hear you, and try to
understand You haven't thought that
my father Is the only one of us to do
that. have your The reproof was ex-
quisite.
Ever since that day the time
you played to me-" he said, I've
fought against Thought like the
very devil. and"
"rve known that. too-and you've
come to see me so seldom. I'd hoped
at least that you'd give yourself the
chance you said you wanted"
He stiffened heroicaily "You forget
there was a condition an lmper-
alive condition and it's only fair
to you to tell you that It's condition
can't ever meet-ever. That's why
Tn here. had to tell you"
There was a profound stiffness.
Cant you explainr she said at
last. II wish you would. You're max
ing me feel very bad. Mr.. billiard.
You owe II to me"
He had TO exert his utmost will to
make the beginning. "All I can ex-
plain is that I've made another mis-
take :" After the first great effort
the words came tumbling. passionate
ly. unchecked. ut would have been
so Infinitely better for both Of us If
I'd never met you at all. My life
has been a whole series Of mistakes ;
this is the worst. E. The worst.
OF course. II would be absurdly sim
pie II were going away from SYRIA
cuse. II were going to leave you
here, and go-but I'm not. I'm going
to stay here. And I can't think it's
decent not to tell you now that II you
f. knew all l know what I've
been, what I've done ID. you wouldn't
marry me II were the last man left
to ask you'll :" He gestured i'm.
patiently. "we're childishly hopeful
sometimes all of US hoping
for what we know Is impossible
what we know always will be impos
sible. I've been like that-and
what hoped was that you could take
me on the basis of what I've beer
for the last few months since
July -. because that's the way l take
myself. Just a mana man-likt
Jack Armstrong. l hoped we could
simply eliminate the past, and
l can't ger away from 1t. It's on my
heels every minute. It's what am
now but II I went much further
back than that. you and the doctor
would both think just what do about
myself and I'd have to say good
by to you anyway =. Just as I'm do
ing tonight. I hope you can see thai
I'm not telling all this to you from any
other motive except to be quite homes
with you. Quite honest-for once.
care too much about you to let yo'
live another day without knowing tina
I can't go on-it's over. I'm no
At to be even your friend. That
ALL"
She sat motionless. Hilliard hat
turned back to the fireplace.
"were you as bad -. as thatr She
whispered.
"Once." he said bitterly, over hi
shoulder. 81 used to be gentleman
But that was a long time ago"
She raised her head. "Nothinl
could ever make me believe" she said
shat you haven't always been just a
I've known you-since July. Nothing
can. and nothing will. What you ma
Iltftttll