The Washington herald., 1920-08-15
VANITY AND SOME SABLES
CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE.
BY o. HENRY

gold certificates. One Of 'em says
to me:
We'll, old shorthorn, you're in
luck tonight. You'll see some
thing of life. Old Jacks going
to make the Tenderloin look like
a hamburg steak"
Explain" says 1. I'm used to
joints. but 1 don't care for flet
mignon with the kind of sauce
you serve"
"'Xcuse me-" said the twenty.
"Old Jack is the proprietor Of
this gambling house. He's going
on a whiz tonight because he Of
fered $4,000 to a church and it
refused to accept it because they
said his money was tainted"
What is a church," l asked.
"Oh, forgot" says the twenty,
that I was talking to a tenner.
OF course you don't know. You're
too much to put into the cOntri-
button basket, and not enough to
buy anything at a bazaar. A
church is-a large building in
which penwipers and tides are
sold at $50 EACH
I don't care much about chin
ming with gold certificates. There's
a streak of yellow in 'em. All Is
not gold that's quitters.
Old Jack certainly was a gild-
edged sport. When it came his
time to loosen up he never re-
ferred the waiter to an actuary.
By and by ii got around that
he was shifting the rock in the
wilderness, and all along Broad
way things with cold noses and
hot gullets fell in on our trail.
The third Jungle Book was there
waiting for somebody to put COW
ers on il. Old Jacks money may
have had a taint to it. but att
the same he had orders for his
Camembert piling up on him
every minute. First his friends
rallied round him, and then the
fellows that his friends knew by
sight. and then a few of his enc
mics buried the hatChet, and FIN
ally he was buying souvenirs for
50 many NeapOlitan fisher maid
ems and butterfly OCtettes that
the head walters were 'phOning
all over town for Julian Mitchell
to please come around and get
them into some kind Of order.
At last we foated into an up
town cafe that l knew by heart.
When the hOd carriers union in
jackets and aprons saw us com
ing the chief goal kicker called
out: "SiK-eleven-fOrty-two -
nineteen-twelve" to his men.
and they put on nose guards till
il was clear whether we meant
Port Arthur or Portsmouth. But
old Jack wasn't working for the
furniture and glass factories that
night He sat down quiet and
sang "Ramble" in half-hearted
way. His feelings had been hurt.
so the twenty told me. because his
offer to the church had been re-
fused.
But the wassail went on: Brady
himself couldn't have hammered
the thirst mob into a better imi-
tation OF the real penchant for
the stuff that you screw out Of a
bottle with a napkin.
Old Jack paid the twenty above
me for a round. leaving me on
the outside Of his roll He laid
the roll on the table and sent for
the proprietor.
Mike" says he. here's money
that the good people have refused.
Will it buy Of your wares in the
name Of the devil? They say it s
tainted"
1T will" says Mike. and I'll
put it in the drawer next to the
bills that was paid to the par
sons daughter for kisses at the
church fair to build a new par
sonage for the parsons daughter
to live in"
At l o'clock when the hod-car-
riers were making ready to close
up the front and keep the inside
open. a woman slips in the door
of the restaurant and comes up II
Old Jacks table. You've seen the
kind-bIaCk shawl. creepy hair
ragged skirt. white face, eyes 2
cross between Gabriers and a sick
kitten's-the kind of woman that's
always on the lookout for an au-
tomobile or the mendiCanCv squad
and she stands there without q
word and looks at the money.
Old Jack gets up. peels me of
the roll and hands me to her witt
a bow.
Madam" SAYS he. just like ac'
tors I've heard, here is a tainted
bill. I am a gambler. This bill
came to me tonight from a gen
-
do not know. If you will do ms
the favor to accept it, it Is yours
The woman took me with 1
trembling hand.
Sir" said she. 81 counted thou,
sands of this issue of bills int
packages when they were virgin
from the presses. I was a clerl
in the Treasury Department
There was an official to whom
owed my position. You say the,
are tainted now. If you on1,
knew-but I won't say any more
Thank you with all my heart
sir-thank you-thank you"
Where do you suppose tina
woman carried me almost at
run? To a bakery. Away from
Old Jack and a sizzling good tim
to a bakery. And l get changed
and she does a Sheridan-twenty
miIes-away with al dozen rolls AM
a section of jelly cake as big a
a turbine water-wheel. OF Cours
! lost sight of her then, for I wa
showed up in the bakery, won
dering whether Ia get changed a
the drug store the next day in a.
alum deal or paid over to the ce
ment works.
A week afterward I butted u
against one of the one-dollar bill
the baker had given the woma,