Perth Amboy evening news., 1920-11-26

asked the OIQ FUZZY, , ne SidACSu up AIOHl
the newspaper he was reading.
There is about as much alcohol in nsar
beer as there is wool in a $40 suit of
clothes" replied the Crouch.
Betcha!
You can give this old world the laugh, F.,
And fortune will soon come to you,
Ii you will just accomplish half
The things that you INTEND TO do.
The Wise Fool.
knowledge is power" observed the Sage.
Maybe" commented the Fool. But a
can get $50 a week when a Pro-
fessor has a hard time getting s25."
Some Successful. +
say he's a successful man,
And | believe il, friend:
For he can make more money than
His better half can spend.
Domestic Science.
"Why don't you cook a piece of ham once
in a while" asked Mr.. Newlywed.
why, George, the butcher told me that he
cured his own ham, and you wouldn't cat any
thing that had been i'll. would yous" replied
Mrs. Newlywed.
The Football Player.
Through the line he tears,
When he gets through,
The colors he wears
Are black and blue.
Haw, Haw!
w. d. NJ. informs us that those who made
nothing during the Wilson administration. now
have a chance to make twice as much during
next four years.
A colored woman stopped Coroner A. c.
Bauer. of Cincinnati. and complained of having
q pain in her stomach. When asked her nam
announced that it was Ophelia Payne.
Located.
The old-fashioned policeman who carries an
around with him on his beat is on the
(Ky.) police force.
Then and Now.
He used to roam,
Did Mr.. Roam;
Now he stays home
And brews his own.
Luke McLuke.
lie used to go
Out for a stew.
Now he stays in
And drinks home brew.
Hastings (Neb.) Tribune.
Blue Names.
Hattie Blue and John Names were married
in Macon, Ga. last week.
You Win!
NASHVILLE Tennesseean)
THE war of words continued till both wom-
en- ran out of ammunition writes a tctionist,
in a recent magazine story. This is what Luke
McLuke would probably call Another damli."
Names Is Names.
o. b. Stout lives in Ohio.
Our Daily Special.
A Corset Filter Can Do More With Figures
Than a Mathematician.
You've Met Him!
I hate to hear him blab and bray,
/ speak of gabby Oswald Mizzit;
He hasn't anything to say.
So he just goes ahead and says 1t
The Wise Fool
Man is made of clay" sighed the sage.
Maybe that's why he get broke so often"
the Fool.
Ouch!
His actions often make me grin.
He is a neal dumb hick:
And, though l know he's very thin,
l know his head is thick.
Police!
II was just wondering" unused the Cheerful
What were you wondering? ?" asked the Wise
Guy.
cheap stogy he was smoking, ] was wondering if
you could say that he has come to the end of
his rope?" replied the Cheerful idiot.
Aw, Gwan!
II think that you will find Swiss cheese very
1T ought to be-" growled the Patient. 1T
has enough holes in it,"
Luke McLuke Says
1t is a mighty good thing that wives are not
as grouchy as husbands when they get up in the
morning.
Under present conditions. everything that you
earn is taxed. and everything that you pur-
chase is taxed. In other words, they tax your
Income and then tax your Outgo.
There are a lot of things that a man will
cheerfully do for his friends that h wouldn't
think of doing for his family.
Once in a while d man brings a box of candy
home to his wife. And his wife proceeds TO act
like he was doing penance for some orneryness
he is trying to cover. That is why wives get so
little candy.
If a wife hasn't anything else to feel thankful
for she can get some consolation out of the fact
that her husband can't out-talk her.
When n man IS spending money on some
ether women, a Dollar looks like a Dime. But
when he is spending money on his wife, a Dime
looks like a Dollar.
Almost any man has time to take two hours
of to tell you how he is overworked.
~ man will wait until the last minute before
he goes to his tailor and orders a new suit of
clothes. Then he'll order it on Monday and get
mad because he can't get it to wear by Tues
day. =
Oftener than not when a girl marries for a
Home these days she has TO get a job and help
pay the rent.
We would hate to look as sickly as most OF
the lads whose pictures are published in patent
medicine ads as having been cured.
The o. (. boy who used to sing a song OF
Sixpence now has a son who turns up his nose
at anything less than Six Bucks.
RIPPING RHYMES
BY Walt Mason.
UNEXPLAINED.
4 man with sideboards may be wise, a