davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Grape-juice Bryan was addressing
about 5000 women In Chicago the
other day and as usual the air was
full OF his silvery oratory. The audi
ence which were nearly all old maids
was carried OF It's feet when Grape
Juice remarked ladies. I want 10
tell you that am for you from the
tip Of my head to the sole OF my feet.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25
payments Of that indemnity.

payments Of that indemnity. The
Soviet note adds:
The powers given TO these on
GERS Of the former Emperor have
long ceased to exist but the officers
continue to live In their houses and
to fool the Chinese with the assist.
ance Of Japan and the Allies. The
Chinese people should take cogniz-
ance Of this fact and Danish these
liars and fools from their territory. -
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

steward handed the pill roller the
bill. he asked how did you ind the
steak?"
oh" replied the pill roller. Il
moved one OF the French fried po-
tatoes and found II under there"
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25
POT POURRl
ny LONE STAR

We notice where some genius back
in Washington suggested that all
the negro porters on trains he re-
placed by old ladies' so that the col.
ored brethren could be put to more
useful employment, A fine outfit
that would be. What do old maids
know about berth control" any
how.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

A little fellow walked into Law.
renee Phelps grocery store yester
day and. throwing q box OF matches
on the counter. said: my nanny
says these matches amt no good and
she wants her money back.
Lawrence took the box and looked
at II. trying TO discover what the
trouble was. well. what's the
matter with the matches?" asked
Phelps.
"They won't strike" said the kid.
Lawrence took match out Of the
box and raised his Aoot and struck
II. This he did with several match
es and. finding them all right. turn
ed to the little fellow and said: I:
why. these matches are all right.
son; they all strike"
Yes" replied the Md. but II you
think my mamma Is goIn' TO come up
here to strike a match on your shoe
every time she wants a light, you're
crazy"
The kid got the nickel.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Talking about politics. did you cv-
er notice how Wilson signed the Vol.
stead Act on Thursday and bca, II
for Europe on Friday
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

While We ar. on the prohibition
subject u good many p-oplc said that
II would bring sunshine into many
home. II did. And moonshlne also.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

We met a returned soldier outside
MacDonald's pool hall the other
day. This poor fellow had just re-
turned from Europe and had not
had the opportunity to get a bath
and a change yet. We noticed him
picking something out OF his neck,
then out Of his hair. and then out OF
his head again. Being rather inter
ested. Lone Star ventursd the re-
mark In joking way: Picking
them out. SOM"
Nav" returned the soldier. tax
ing them as they come"
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Jimmy Ryan and the Lone Star
went into the Owl Cafe the other
night TO go, dinner Turkey was on
the bill OF fare so we ordered turkey.
Turning to Jimmy, the Lone Star
said: Jimmy. how can you tell
the age OF turkey"
by the teeth" replied Jimmy.
Well. but a turkey has no teeth. "
said we.
"No--but I have" replied James
with a smile.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

New York o which
day. occupies the splendid list Of musical attractions
who
boys and Belgium She unquesonaby the artists
She
planie accompaaAA
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Talking about love. the Good
Book says VIZ should love our neigh
bors as ourselves. We tried that
once aud her husband came home
and caught us, and we are In posi-.
ton 10 say that II will not work.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Then Jimmy asked US another
question. He wanted to know II
Moses ever had the rheumatism. We
Informed the noble James that we
were not In a position to say wheth.
er Old Moses had ever had an attack
Of rheumatism or not. and inciden.
tally asked Ryan what put that into
his head.
We'll. replied James. we read
that the Lord gave him two tablets -
Bluebeard OF Los Angeles Ii now
In San Quentin and his number is
1886. Add those figures together.
will you? Funny. amt Il?
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

PHI Roller Pope. one OF the genial
proprietors Of the Star Drug COM
pany. 10 some boy. The Lone Star
and he were eating dinner on q din
Ing car the other day, and when the
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

A lady friend OF ours came up to
US the other day and asked us what
kind OF 4 husband we would suggcs,
that she pick out. We told her tina,
she had better leave the husbands
alone and pick out n single man.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

While Jimmy and I sat there eat
ing we 20, into conversation about
women. and we took issue rs to
whether women were more intelli.
gent than men. We claimed that a
man VIZ. the more intelligent OF the
two. but Jimmy wouldn't have Il
so. why" said James. "of course
woman is more intelligent than q
man. when a man gets bald he
buys hair tonic. but when n woman
gets bald she buys hair" Right
you are. Jimmy"
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Incidentally you can drive a hors,
to water but u pencil must be lead.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

In fact" continued the great com
monre. I'm one Of you..'
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Maybe someone had been pdttins
raisins In the old mans grape juice,
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1920-05-25

Here's a good definition We heard
the other day. "one damned fool af'
ter another"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

tune is shown by The eXtravaLaAt Ole
saying that a man once walked in the
streets of Bergen without an umbrella
at which sight the horses were sc
frightened that they reared and SHE'D
and even ran away. In spite of its rep
utatioE, Bergen has many beautiful
sunny days, when the only reason foi
wearing an umbrella would he to con
form to custom.
Whatever The atmospheric condi.
tons, the fish market of Bergen is the
most crowded and noisy place in town
Fishwives are excitedly trying TO sell
their Topping, wriggIing wares to un
decided customers, while other buyers
and vendors grow heated over the
price of herring or trout
Away from this fascinating scene of
confusion, in quiet little park, is an
other significant phase of Bergcn's in
terests. Here is a statute of Ole Bull
Norway's great violinist. Ole Bull was
born in Bergen. and he now lies in its
graveyard. The citys tribute to this
genius is this statue of him. standing
as his fellow citizens had so often
seen him stand before them, with his
violin ready to play, but listening first
to the rain and the birds and the talk
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
DRUGS FEARFUL AND AWFUL
Amazing Connections That Our Ances
tcrs Swallowed, Believing That
They Had Medicinal Virtues.

The medicines used down to even
recent days sound most extraordinary
to our ears. As late as the eighteenth
century dried toad was seriously con
sidered a specific against the plague.
In an article in the New York Med
ical Journal DR.. William Renwick
Riddell of Toronto, Canada, mentioned
few of the remedies in vogue.
A plaster made of arsenic was ap-
piled to cancers. Bleeding was prac-
ticed on all occasions, even In the
time of our grandparents. But the
sovereign remedy of all was known
as mithridatium or theriaca. This was
the great antidote of Roman phar-
macy. 1t originally had 40 or 50 In
gradients, all vegetables but Nero's
physician, Andromachus, added the
flesh of vipers. Every physician had
his own variation of the formula, and
Matteoll in the sixteenth century put
no less than 120 ingredients into 1t.
The name theriaca or theriac I'M
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
Possible Cause of Fever.

The Medical Journal asks If ~aff fe
yer, or at least a large proportion OF
1t, may not be due to some change In
the fluids of the body which prevents
water from being available as perspfr,
alton which by its evaporation serves
to keep the body COOL"
1t may be that the practice Of max
ing fever patient perspfre freely has
another purpose than the washing out
of impurities from the blood, this be
ing an actual cooling by evaporation
can abundance of water has been
found beneficial in fevers, and there
are many clinicians who are decidedly
of the opinion that eold-water baths
have much more than merely direct
and mechanical refrfgerating purpose
for they are followed by rather free
dfuresis and often also by perspfra-
ton. Indeed, one of the great fndica-
lions for bath in fever is that the
skin is dry and hot, for 1t IS under
these circumstances that the bath will
do much good"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

the cop and the ornerS ana said:
There is nothing the matter with
this horse. He is tired and he just
made up his mind TO take rest. You
know when horse gets tired, he is
not particular as to where he stretches
his bones. My word for it, he will be
all right in few minutes and be on
his way"
The woman did not agree with him
and insisted that something be done to
alleviate the animals suffering. She
and the veterinary got into heated
argument, when the horse without fur
Their ado decided that the street was
not the best place in the world to
stretch his bones on, so he got up on
all tours and shook himself. The
driver hitched him to the wagon, and
Mr.. Horse started off on his labors as
if nothing had happened. One man in
the crowd said that he'd be darned if
he ever knew until then that horse
could think.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
HORSE HAD A Temperament
At Least Animal Seemed to rro"e
That 1t Had the Ability to THINK
for Itself.

Prima donnas and high-strung artis''
are temperamental, but it is not often
that such a trait is found III horse'
as was the case in an lhcioeil'
which occurred on one of the uptown
streets the other afternoon, says lile
New York Times. The horse was az
tached to delivery wagon. MI. HORSE
evidently thought that he hao uone
enough work for the day. so Wlt19at
further ceremony he lay down across
the tracks of one of the trolley INES.
A crowd soon collected, followed by
the usual excitement with stormihs
motorman and call for the ponce. a
woman who said that she knew some,
thing about horses, said the amman
was overcome by hard work, ana she
gave Instructions to the driver as u
what he should do. After few MIN
utes had passed a veterinary steppeu
out of the crowd and took LOOK al
the horse. The veterinary turned 10
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

Iier which it was commonly known.
was derived from the Greek "therion,
wild beast, as the stuff was eonsid-
cred specific against the poisonous
| bites of beasts aud serpents. The
French word "theriaque" was corrupt
ed into the English 'treacle,' and the
medicine was known in England as
Venice treaele." 1t was the famous
ESydenham who first opposed the use
of drugs. In fact when S.r Richard
Blackmore asked RIM for a good guide
in practice, he replied; Don Quixote'
and declared that the arrival of good
clown would do more for the health
Of city than that of 20 asses laden
with drugs.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

There are few prophets in this
world, few heroes. 1 cannot at
ford to give all my reverence to such
rarities; want great deal of those
feelings for my everyday fellowmen
especially for the few in the fore
ground of the great multitude, whose
faces know, whose hands touch, for
whom have to make way with kindly
courtesy. :. E. l herewith discharge
my conscience and dSSare that I have
had quite enthusiastic movements OF
admiration toward gentlemen who
spoke the worst English, who were
occasionally fretful in thier temper
and who had never moved in a higher
sphere of influence than that of parish
overseer; and that the way in which
I have come to the conclusion that
human nature is lovable-the way I
have learnt something of its deer
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
LURE TO THE ADVENTUROUS
Through All the Ages Man Has Dared
Every Danger In the Search for
Beautiful Things.

Now, thing of beauty that is rare
and difficult to obtain seems ever to
have exercised an irresistible lure to
adventurous man. To possess it he
will suffer the hardships of the high
est mountain climb, or risk the al
most certain dangers of disease in
tropic zones. He will dare death at
the hands of savage enemies and pur-
sue his quest far into the regions OF
unknown wilds.
Into the depths of sharll-infested
seas he dives with the hope of secur-
ing a lustrous pearl. Then to the top
most Alpine peak he climbs for rare
specimen of the edelweiss. A glitter
ing jewel in an idols head may tempt
him to invade the sacred precincts OF
an Indian temple or beautiful flow
er lure him far into the primeval for
ests of Brazil Colombia or Peru.
To this spirit the civilized world
owes not only its greatest geographic
discoveries and Inunrtant additions
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
PEARLS Transformation.

For two or three years in the seas
Of Japan, the Antilles or the Indies
at depth of not more than ten or
twelve meters, the marvel known as
a pearl has its birth, takes form and
grows in It's sheltered infancy. Then
there comes day when suddenly, bru-
tally, something tragic and wonderful
happens. After the great excitement
of rude unrooting, the pearl awakens
to daylight like the princess of the
fairy tales. Passionate, mad eyes gaze
upon her. Perhaps, already, the divers
are killing each other over her But
a master comes and assures her pro
lection, places her among companions
and with them surrounds her with a
thousand attentions by dint Of which
she loses that look Of extreme youth
and greenness which has fingered from
the sojourn In the ocean.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
. SaVa! On Tires 60

We have installed a new lock-stitch
machine which makes a tight coun-
/ ter-sunk stitch.
Bring us your old tires and let us
machine stitch one over the other,
making one good, puncture-proof,
double tread tire from two old ones,
at cost of from $500 to $500.
The under tire must have a good
bead and good fabric; the tread must
be all worn off The outer tire may
be all rim-cut but must have good
tread.
If you have only one tire, we can
furnish you with the other and sew it
on at a cost of from $500 to $500.
If you have no old tires, you can
purchase ready re-made ones that
we carry in stock, all sizes from
$500 to $500.
Universal Tire and Tube Market
Tires and Tubes Vulcanized
24S n. Broad St., Trenton, N. ].
E. NJ. Pohle & Bro, Props.
Bell Phone 1413
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
Birds Speed Deceptive.

An interesting check on some OF
those gunners who%now their bird was
flying 100 miles an hour because they
had to lead him steen feet would be
TO paint a duck on long board al
the end of an express train running
at, say 60 miles an hour, and let the
gunner blaze away at the painted duck
at normal duck-shooting ranges tC
check up the speed Of the painted bird
with the lead necessary to give the
charge to hit the wild duck alleged t.
have gone 100 miles per. Neither train
nor long-winged honker gives a fair
idea of the actual speed, because they
are both large; the little bird often de-
ceives.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
QUAINT OLD NORWEGIAN CITY
Bergen Known for Many Things Be
sides Its ProVeTbjal Wetres-
Was Home OF Ole Bull

The old Norwegian port of Bergen
is known as the rainy city. always
carry an umbrella in Bergen" is the
rule widely followed both by inhabi-
tants and strangers That the umbrella
is an accepted part of the Bergen cos
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

One of the most unusual features of
a Japanese court to a stranger is the
fact that each prisoner has his head
covered by wicker mask, more like
an inverted waste-basket than any
thing else, the object of which is to
prevent recognition of the prisoner to
permit him to hide his shame under
the disguise and very possibly, to pre-
vent him from making a bolt for lib
erty.
The sight Of a prisoner so arrayed is
CHASTITY, the mask bringing up the sug-
gestion Of the hangman's cap.
Once in the prisoners box, how
ever, the masks are removed, while
the prisoners sit with deeply bowed
heads in an attitude of the utmost hu-
mility.-Boston Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

OF men that he might convert them into
the language Of the violin This simple
statue embodies more truly the spirit
of Bergen than its scrambling, money
boarding markets, or its fippant at
titude toward the weather probabili.
ties.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

to scientific knowledge, but to 1t is
also due the discovery of many of
natures choicest things of beauty,
things whose practical value may be
but slight, but whose appeal is to the
artistic and esthetic sense.-National
Geographic Society Bulletin.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

pathos, its sublime mysteries-haS
been by living great deal among peo-
pie more or less commonplace ant
vulgar, of whom you would perhaps
hear nothing very surprising if you
were to inquire about them in the
neighborhoods where they dwelt.-
George Eliot.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13
Optimist.

Growler-Yes, in the end, we all gel
six feet of earth.
Cheerup-What would you do IL they
discovered oil on your plot before you
died?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

'The school OF experience Is a hare
one"
Thorough, though. very thorough
What You learn there, you know
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1920-02-13

We and offer, subject to prior sale at par
per cent. and per cent. net to you the following
gilt edge first mortgages Oh Trenton real estate.
Carefully selected mortgages on properties in most
instances worth nearly double the amount of the
mortgage. First claims on the homes of Trenton
people in nice locations. Complete searches, nclud-
ing Fire Insurance Policy, Certificate of Competent
Attorney, expert appraisal of property recording
fees of mortgages paid by u.s. We collect interest
and remit to you on day due without charge if you
wish
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
WHY PEOPLE STARE.

The complaints about the perncious
staring so noticeable here is due to
the rsct that not only is Washington
the Heart of America" but it Is also
the SHOW Place" for this city stands
in a class all by itself. /, too, have
been In many cities from Maine to
California and from Canada to Pan
anna, and any mention in any city OF
things seen in Washington will inn
mediately elicit expressions Of desire
to see Washington. Naturally. vast
numbers OF people come here pri-
marily to see our city-and US, and
In appealing their wishes they take
GOOD look!
Another thing. purely local, that
makes some stare is the blotches Of
brilliant vermillion on otherwise good.
looking faces that make you wonder
whether they are the faces OF kew
pies or billikins until you discover
that the result is gargoylic.
c. J. MENASCO.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12

member, the body is so per cent
water and requires a great fluid
supply. Personally. my diet consists
OF two shredded wheat BISCUITS, with
cream or a similar cereal. an egg, al
ways fruit and coffee for breakfast.
For luncheon. which ir really dinner
for me, take a slice OF fish (rapely
ever eat meat. a few boiled pota-
toes and lots of other vegetables, and
fruits. Supper l usually omit, or eat
sparingly and light.
Smoking is injurious.
Drinking of any fermented wines
or distilled liquors destroys youth.
The biblical wines referred to were OF
the pure juice OF the grape, and that
is excellent for one.
"A wholesale avoidance of al ex-
cesses is unalterably essential to a
long and robust life. One cannot
spend ones life stores in a decade and
expect them to last the prescribed
time nature planned.
Love is natures most divine gift.
One may love more than once, but
each love must be single to that time.
Many loves together and more or less
transient are ruinous."
NOTHING TO SAY.
rs one just as romantic at one
nunuTeu as AT tWenty-One! ne WAS
asked.
The eyes of the doctor twinkled.
Not a thing to say; not a thing. l
shall let Mrs. Morrison answer that"
Age hasn't anything to do with ro-
nance or love" declared the bride.
The doctor insists that pursued
him-but It was just the other way
around. Our courtship wasn't a hssty
AFFAIR. We were friends for thirteen
years. believe we knew our minds
before we married each other. AS for
my age-well the doctor can tell he
is one hundred IL he wants to, but I
have long since stopped telling my
age. What's the necessity? l just
forget about my birthdays, you see"
The delighted bridegroom raised his
eyes to heaven at the unchanging
vanity OF women.
And with much merry repartee
going on between them they were left
to their honeymooning-the century
old Bridegroom and the vivacious
bride OF seventy-two.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
boy SCOUT ACTIVITIES
I'm and Near WASHINGTON
By ''BOB."

a number of boys for entrance into
the troop are being considered.
Troop II began their regular fall
activities at the last meeting held
Wednesday night in Odd Fellows Hall
S22 Twentieth street northwest The
troop program for the evening con-
sisted of scout games and instruc-
tions in first aid to the injured.
Scout Commissioner Plant addressed
the troop. Lieut.. Steven Tillman also
delivered a short address. A new boy
from Gulfport, Miss, Joined the troop.
Troops are requested to turn out
Tor police duty for the Veterans OF
Foreign Wars parade, to be held here
Tuesday night. Troops in the fol-
lowing divisions are to be assigned
as follows:
PLAN OF PARADE.
Division 1-Pennsylvania avenue.
Seventh to Thirteenth streets, north
side.
Division 2-Pennsylvania avenue.
Capitol to Seventh street, south side.
Division 3-Pennsylvania avenue,
Capitol to Seventh street, north side.
Division 4-Pennsylvania avenue,
Thirteenth street to Seventeenth,
south side
Division 5-Pennsylvsnia avenue,
Seventh to Thirteenth streets, south
side.
Division 8 Pennsylvania avenue,
Thirteenth to Seventeenth streets,
north side.
Division-Same as Division ..
Scout Executive Edward d. Shaw
and Assistant Executive Linn G.
Drake, will attend the first biennial
scout executive conference at Bear
Mountain, N. Y, September is to 81.
Executives from all parts of the
country will gather there to study
scout problems.
The Washington times., 1920-09-12
NOT ENOUGH BARRELS
FOR BIG APPLE CROP

PARIS. Me, Sept. 12.--The pumps
apple crop here Is menaced by the
shortage OF barrels. oxford county
which is claimed to lead the world in
apple production, raises Baldwins for
the most Of it's crop.
Growers here say exorbitsnt prices
are asked for such barrels as are OBJ
tainable. and threaten to let the ap-
piles stay unpicked unless they are
treated fairly.