davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

"Rastus," said Moses, what am dis
socialism,"
Don't you know dat? Why chile
socialism means if / got $20OO,OOO
/ got to give yo' one of dem. IL
got two automobiles, ! JUS nachally
e:ves yo' one of dem. II l got tive
cigars, 1 mus give one of dem to
yo'."
"An' if yo' got two goats. does 70
have to give me one of DEM
go long. niggah, dat amt fair, ne
how. Yo' know ] got two goats.
KILLUMKWIk-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

A few days ago l was looking over
old books. reading about man de-
scending from monkeys. and then
thought of the + street dudes, stand
ing along the curb. wearing their in
stalment- plan clothes. l now not
only think that they descended from
monkeys but that they are going
back there again. NJ. g. T.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
rs A NAUGHTY GAME.

Kissing 10 a naughty game;
like H. -.
Makes no difference where you be, is Jsf
tho same;
ike It,
In tho psrlor or meath the moon
Don't you boys just love TO spoon
Mako " snsppy, -- 800.
| like II. HEAVY Low IN
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
SHOCKING DISCOVERY.

There was once a young Innocent miss
Went South with her big married Sis;
When she saw 4 Nc tree.
She said, "Hully Gee!
thought fig leaves we're bigger than thls
O. n q.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
p,r uEATINc inou;ros "Wh

BILL HEATING inquiries, When
is a COW a widow"
The answer Is, when you shoot
the bull"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

tort sound from a saxaphone like
"Peewee" Byers.
He would paint like j. Francis
Murphy, write poetry like kipling,
plays like James M. Barrie and
stories like Booth Harrington and
Harry Leon Wilson. He would
be as eloquent as William j.
Bryan, and as good looking as
Tommy Meighan, the movie actor.
He would be able to fly an aero
plane like Eddie Rickenbacker,
drive all automobile like de Palma,
and have "Dev" Milburn's skill
at playing polo.
Some man, my man.
I'd like to be him, but don't
believe that l would care to be
any one part Of him. 1t must be
nice to have the wealth of Vincent
Aston, but for all l know Mr..
Astor may have heavy business
cares, or be troubled with the
hives.
1t must be grand to have Ruth's
faculty for clouting homers, yet
Ruth has to worry no little about
the possibility of hurting a fellow
ball player by hitting the ball at
him too hard.
Caruso's voice is a marvellous
gift, but he has 70 nurse it with
an unceasing care that must at
times become very tiresome. The
eloquence of William ). Bryan can
move thousands, but Mr.. Bryan
cannot knock around the places
can without running his reputa-
ton.
The social entree of the Prince
of Wales is something to consider;
however, did l enjoy that entree l
would never run across any of my
present friends. Thus each in
tegral part Of my composite man,
standing alone, has some handicap.
envy many a living man some
individual gift, but / wouldn't trade
places with him, unless / could
take certain belongings of myself
with me, and reject some of his
possessions.
incidentally, in making the
change it occurs to my mind that
there are some Of my things that
| might like to abandon.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
LET 'EM COME.

Into your noble column OF nuts,
l, with a cement dome. must butt.
II you are willing TO let me in
Put my verses in Heard and Seen.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
A STRANGERS GREETING.

Ho. hearty lads! lilo. handsome lsssies.
ALL
Ho. Bill. Bors o. the bully band.
A lonesome man, & stranger come among
ye.
Makes bold to orer his right hand
And Christmas greetings proner yc.
wreath of Hex he extends
Bright sprigs Of holly intertwined.
With many a scarlet berry
Glowing amid the evergreen
Like jewels OF a fairy.
Wishing for all o. ye The counts ye
friends
Though yet unknown though yet unsecn),
A Yuietide mtrthful and quite merry!
JOE ROSCOE CONKLIN.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
HE SAW AMISS.

I've seen 4 miss
Upon the street far up ahead.
With form divine, most hypnotizing,
with flashing silks, most tantalizing.
With humping heart | quickened pace
And hurried on to see her face,
Meath spreading hat / looked and said,
1--WE seen amiss."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

Full many a pretty girl is
doomed to paint unseen and
waste her beauty on a female
stare. i. /. l..
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
Saving Sole Leather.

south Dakota has an automobile for every
six people. II they have traffic cops In that
State they presAhAy asaS lots to find out whose
turn = -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

This headline appeared in The
Times: Constantine Goes TO
Greece" That's what he gets
by being a hog" He should
have given some one else q
chance.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
Incognito.

when deceit puts on its Sunday clothes it il
known as diplomacy.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

Mistlctoc resembles poison ivy
very much when the wrong girl is
under il. j. u.
"Do YOU serve HOLSTERS hcrc2'
Yes, sir, we serve anyone. sit ftN
down" u. H O. ,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
EXTRAORDINARILY SPEAKING.

"He had an awful CHEEK to JAW
her like that. lie NOSE he only es-
capped by the SKIN OF his TEETH"
$50 EYE EAR" NJ. PEARSON
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
Gone to Waste.

Count that day lost in which NO smile has come
To make your countonsnce cesss looking rlum
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

There arc only two times when
man fully values u womans
love before he wins II and
after he loses II.
MARJORIE II. Med.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

Kindly have some old Georgetown
resident write you who is the old
est, FRANK BECKERT or DAVE
CARTER? E. G.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
CHARACTERIZATION.

The old column has lots OF stu9
about brains. etc. Here's my deant-
tion.
BRAIN-The top moor apartment 10
thu Human Block. known al the Crsas
iun, and Kept by the sarah Sisters
sarah Brup, and Sarah Belum. assist
cd b. Aeduia osionssts. All these
are nervous. but are always confined TO
their cells. The Brain IL done In grey
and white. and furnished with light
and heat. hot or cold water az desired),
with regular connsetions to the outside
world BY way Of the spinal Circuit.
Usually occupied by the Intelligent
Brothers-Tboushts and Idess-ss an
Intelligence Office. but sometimes sub
let 60 Jag. Hang over 4 60.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
Santa Claus-A Classic

Here is on editorial that has endured for
twenty-three gears. 1t Wds first printed IN the
New York Sun ON September 81, 1897.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
RECEIPT FOR A HAPPY DAY.

Take n little dash Of cold water,
A little leaven of prayer,
A little bit OF sunshine gold,
Dissolved in morning air;
Add to your meal some merrimcnt,
Add thought for kith and kin,
And then, as prime ingredient,
Plenty of work thrown in;
Flavor II all with essence OF love
And a little dash Of play
Let a nice old book. and glance sbov
Complete the well spent day.
III. ID. W, 8
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
MIR. B. Baer
WRITES ABOUT HE
Curfew.
BY T. E. POWERS

With the yeggs working three eght-hour
tricks. the police blotters read like Margot
AsQuith's diary.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
WILL NEVER COME BACK.

Bring ba elk the brew that used TO trickis'
won't you?
RrinC the big ones for q nicklc.
And the nice brass rail all poliehed 20
bright,
And the family entrance after twelve AZ
night.
oh. bring back the ale that was so mu'ty'
won't you?
Bring back the can that's getting rusN.
Drinking ginger ale makes me weak sns
pale.
Won't you bring back those wonderful dsys'
"Shake before taking read the
fever-and-ague victim from the
label on the bottle. Some sarcasm,
he said to himself. CHEVY.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

The little folks are the moving,
vitalizing force for the perpetustion
OF Christmas. The Riddles shine in
all their glory. My sympathies are
for the homes where there are no
children TO brighten and gladden. the
day. PHILIP EBERT.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

Tomorrow the Good Fellow Editor will close his rolls
This gentleman and his assistant have been busy for three
weeks telling observation-disclosures the of their less ortu
nate brothers who need cheer at this holiday time.
There are few families whose needs have not been
cared for Although the proceeds of the basketball game
by the War Risk Insurance girls tonight will be devoted to
those been otherwise accounted for there is
still opportunity for you to obtain the name OF family to
help this year
The Good Fellow Editor merely gives you the name Of
family that would welcome assistance in some FORM You
investigate the yourself and do what want to do
There rules or strings to the proposition
Telephone call in person
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

He-"Dear. you are the photo OF
my heart"
She-"Lets go in the dark and de-
velop it." DOlS.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
WHAT MEN LIKE IN WOMEN

One. looks; ., brains; 5. looks; 4.
money; o, looks; o, nattery; Z, looks;
., responsiveness; o, looks.
BIMBO.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23
sEEfe>
By BILL PRICE.
BRAVE TO TIE LAST.

My nelghbor had imbibed too
freely. Very unsteady OF feet.
he fell into public watering
trough. AS was trying TO help
him out he muttered: "Ofrzer,
ken save m'self: you save the
yimmen n children" HOW'RE.
To LONESOME BOB"-You'r re
welcome TO take a part In II and s
It's every body's column. SO shoot
with anything good you may have.
BILL.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

How high is Up!
How deep Is DOWN? ~
How far l. it from HERE TO THERE?
|>"N N'" RHYMEsTER
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

A fruit vender, selling apples near
Vermont avenue and II street. uses
peculiar phrase in his business-"De-
licious ladies, s cents apiece"
SAYS WHICH.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

The Philadelphia cake-eater
does wear haIf-inch GUNS on his
trousers. but he believes In working,
and when he does hold UP a cor
ner he has money IN his pocket
to pay his way and isn't waiting
to be treated by somebody else.
b. T.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

This deplorable condition of civic unrest i
what European diplomats label the entente cor
dale The city fathers will establish munic-
ipal curfew, compelling all the proetarist to be
in the poorhouse by twilight.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1920-12-23

Curfew first introduced by William the
Conqueror in England. He ordered all lights
and furnace fires out by o'clock, indicating
that he was a landlord in his heart.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

tody of the police matron pending
further investigation of the case.
Predicts the Women Will
Dominate Affairs In 1880
Miss linda Hamren predicted that
wcmen will dominate public affairs,
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
SECOND ARREST IN
PROBE OF THEFTS
AT FORT IS MADE
Army Officers Accuse Man of
Buying Government
Property.

Captains A. c. Mckinley and F.
J.. Durreschmidt of Fort Omaha,
conducting an investigation into the
reported thefts Of regulation army
revolvers and clothing from the
quartermasters department at the
fort, arrested man giving his
name as Eugene Hyse. I'll North
Fourteenth street, Thursday night.
Hyse is charged at Central police
station with buying government
property. This is the second arrest
made by the army officers since the
investigation began.
John Chorva,- 1906 Capitol ave-
nue., is also being held for investi-
CATION in connection with the sale
of army revolyers.
According to city detectives, WHO
are working in conjunction with
Captains Mckinley and Durre-
schmidt on the case, soldiers at the
fort are suspected of disposing of
the stolen guns and clothing to
fences"
Chorva was arrested Thursday
noon in an alleged attempt to sell
an army revolver stolen from Fort
Omaha month ago. identified by
the captains.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
QUESTION ARISES
OVER FILING FEE
FOR CONVENTIONS
Meanwhile. Candidates From
County Must Deposit S.
Test Case Soon.

Must a candidate for the county
convention under the Reynolds law,
passed by the last legislature, pay a
fling fee Of $5? This is the problem
which Election Commissioner
Moorhead yesterday asked Chief
Deputy County Attorney Coffey to
decide.
The new law provides for election
Of delegatessto the county conven-
tons of the big parties, one man
and one woman being elected from
each precinct of each county. 1t is
designed to eliminate "handpicking"
of the county convention.
But-nothing is said of a filing
fee. The statutes of the state stipu-
late that fees shall be paid by can
didates fling for offices at the pri-
maries rs follows: For United States
senator, $50; for state Offices, mem
Der Of congress and district Judge,
$40; for, county. legislative and city
Offices, S..
Doubts Necessity of Fee.
rs the Office of delegate to the
county convention of a political
party. . county, legislative or city
Office? That is the question to be de-
cided." said Mr.. Coffey.
"The statutes provide that no fl
Ing fee shall be required from candi-
dates for regent of the state univer-
sity or for presidential elector. My
own personal view from a cursory
examination of he>subject is that nc
fees can be demanded from candi-
dates filing for delegate to the coun.
ty convention However, | have
asked to have the whole subject pre-.
scnted in writing and will then give
a definite decision after looking ur
all sides Of the question"
Those who sponsored the bill say
it was an oversight that no clause
was put into it providing that nc
filing fee need be paid by candidate:
for this Office. which pays no salary
1t is admitted that if filing fee
is demanded there will be no candi
dates for the Offices.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
Brief CITY News
Have Root Print It--Beacon Press.
Library h silk Shade Lamps. rs pet.

Have Root Print It--Beacon Press.
Library 4 silk Shade Lamps. rs pet.
redu'n. Burgess-Granden Co.-Adv.
/, Masquerade Dance-A masquer-
ade dance will be given February 25
by Manchester grove at 2525 Leav-
enworth street.
Alleges Libelous Remarks-James
W. Eller sued Gilbert s. Campbell
in district court for $4,000. alleging
that Campbell made libelous re.
marks about him on October !.
To Present Certificates-Harry S.
Byrne will go to Albion. Neb., Sum
day to present certificates from the
French government to families of
service men who died during the
war.
Alleges False Arrest-Benjamin
Kolpack filed suit in district court
against Mary Cotton and Gabriel Col
ton for $1,000, alleging false arrest.
He says they had him arrested Feb.
ruary . and charged with stealing
$3.50 from their home. He was dis
charged by the police judge.
Former Omahan Dics-Mrs. D. A..
Cozzens has returned from De Witt,
Ia, where she was called by the sud
den death of her brother, Fred w.
Brewington, from pneumonia. Mr.
Brewington was we'll known in
Omaha, where he lived previous to
going to De witt, where he had
been engaged in the grocery bust
ness.
A War department order received at
the Omaha recruiting \ station
eliminates one-year enlistments for
the chemical warfare service. Here
after only three-year enlistments
will be accepted foS that branch.
One-year enlistments are still au-
'thorized for field artillery and en-.
gineer corps service.
knaggs Funeral Selvices-Fu-
neral services for Mrs. Della Knaggs
were held yesterday afternoon by the
knights of the Maccabees at the
Hoffman FHneral home. Burial was
at Forest Lawn cemetery. Mrs.
knaggs died Wednesday ofpneu-
monia at the age of 6S. She lived
at the Boquet hotel with her daugh-
ter, Mrs. Millie Tiff, whose hus-
band conducts that hotel She is
survived also by two sons. James III.
and Francis E. Knaggs, of this city.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
DUEL OF FATHER
AND HUSBAND IS
STOPPED BY GIRL
Omaha EIopement Foments
Anger Of Parent-Father
and Groom UnreconciIed
In Police Court.

Dark-eyed Nettie Teakell Sesto,
l7-year-old bride of one week, pre-
vented a gun duel between her boy
husband, Tony Sesto, 1901 South
Fourteenth street. and her father,
w. E. Tcakell, 2223 Dodge street
Thursday night at the Teakefl home,
when husband and father drew guns
on each>other. police authorities say.
Police were called and arrested
Tony for carrying concealed wea-
ponc. He was fined SIS and costs
IN Central police court yesterday.
Mr. Teakell alone appeared against
him. Fhe young wife waited at her
fathers home for the return of her
husband from police court.
Nettie's eiopement last Saturday
with Tony caused the anger of the
father, police claim. The young
couple were married at Papillion,
Neo. When Mr.. Teakell reported his
daughter missing to police Thurs
day he learned she was married
to Tony. Upon request of the
father, Tony and his young wife
visited at the Teakell home early
Thursday night for an interview
! with Mr.. NTeakell.
Nettie warned her husband to car
ry gun, according to Tony.
Il know father is awful angry at
u.s." he says she told him.
y As the young couple entered the
Teakell home the father is said to
have reached for his gun and Tony
followed his example, Nettie, the
pcacemaker, stepped between them,
grabbing her fathers hand, which
she claims held loaded gun. She
--wept, Tony testified in police court
yesterday, and husband and father
put down their guns.
Mr.. Teakell called police and ac-
companied his daughter and son-in-
law to Central station. Police held
Tony. Silently weeping, his young
wife left the station with her father.
Mr.. Teakell refused to be reconciled
with Tony in police court Thursday.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
Two Seriously Injured as
Car Turns Completely Over

Two men were seriously injured
when the automobile in which they
were driving north on Twenty
fourth street at noon yesterday
turned completely over at the corner
of Arbor street and threw them on
the pavement.
Philip Christina, driver, 2ll6
Pierce street, was cut about the
head and legs. His companion,
Mark Valone, 14l5 William street,
Sustained cuts on his head and was
internally injured. The men were
taken to their homes for surgical
attention. The, car was wrecked,
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

the Americanization plan series en-
dorsed by the lodge. The program
was followed by refreshments and
dancing.
Supt. J. H, Beveridge Of the Oms-
ha public schools win speak at the
next meeting, March II, on Recon-
sti uction." Miss Belle Won Mans
felde will furnish the music.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

.as we'll as social, in 1850. speaking
at the first meeting along educa-
tional lines held by Omaha camp
No. l20, Modern Woodmen of
America, at the lodge rooms Thurs
day night Her subject was Women
Of 1857
Prof. Nathan Bernstein, chairman
ofthe program committee, explained
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

Of Benson, and sister Of Bert Nor
ton. police chauffeur, returned yes
terday TO the. home of her sister,
Mrs. Mary Royce. l4l4 Park Wilde
avenue, from which she disappeared
about s Thursday night. She was ar
rested upon an investigation charge
Zelma spent Thursday visiting at
her sisters home. In the evening
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
Motor Trucks Enroute for
Omaha Aerial Mail Service

Postmaster Charles E. Tanning
received notification yesterday of the
shipment from Indianapolis of two
motor trucks to be used in connec-
tion with Omaha's aerial mail serv-
ce. The trucks will haul mail from
The Ak-Sar-Ben landing field to the
postoffice.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

Organized linemen employed by
the Cincinnati street car company
have raised wages 81 a day, secured
double time for Sunday and night
work, pay for six holidays off during
the year and double time when
called out after regular hours on
special work.
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21

she phoned her family and asked
to have someone meet her at the
end of the Benson car line. When
she failed to arrive her brother be-
came alarmed and began search
for her, requesting fhe assistance
Of the police department yesterday
morning.
The girl has been placed in cus-
Omaha daily bee., 1920-02-21
FINE FOR RHEUMATISM
Musterole Loosens Up Those
Stiff Joints-Drives Out Pain

Musterole Loosens Up Those
Stiff Joints-Drives Out Pain
You'll know why thousands use
Musterole once you experience the
glad relief it gives.
Get a jar at once from the nearest
drug store. It is clean, white oint.
ment, made with the oil of mustard.
Better than mustard plaster and does
not blister. Brings ease and comfort
while it is being rubbed bn!
Musterole is recommended by many
doctors and nurses. Millions of jars are
used annually for bronchitis, Group, stiff
neck, asthma, neuralgia, pleurisy, rheu.
matism, lumbago, pains and aches of the
back or joints, sprains, sore muscles,
bruises, chilblains, frosted feet, colds of
the chest (it often prevents pneumonia.
SOC and 6Oc jars; hospital size $3.50.
lglllla!) lgl|llag!)
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-03
PUBLIC SPANKERS.

The city of Bridgeton, N. J. has gained some publicity as the result of public spankings for offending boys and girls The same have been ad- ministered in front of City Hall, by a muscular policeman who operates a barrel stave, and are applied only with consent of parents.
 It is not likely that this method will become generally popular The modern parent is soft hearted, and can not bear to hurt either the feel ings or the anatomy of his offspring The first few how1s put up as camou- flage quickly compel him to desist
 The kid element is perhaps too leniently treated. Offenders in rare instances are brought up in court, where they make weepy promises of amendment, and then go out and brag how they put it over the of ficers. The Bridgeton people evil | dently think it is time for some re- cognition of authority. If they really mean to keep up this plan, it may head off more serious wrong doing
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-03

Increasing production 10 per cent would lower living costs 20 per cent. says an authority, but the only effort being made by most people in this direction is to increAa8 &haAr Re0duc- Sion of talk
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-03

'FFor the little they cultivate on their own soil people bring them whatever they want-go1d, gramo phones, clothes or money he adds. 'tNeverthless the power of the Soviet in the country is very slight. The peasant accepted from communism all that suited him. Having secured the advantages, he listened to the "popes" or village priests who resist this ungodIy and particularly un- christian government.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-03
MANY DESERVING
 FROM RED ARMY

The Hague, April s.-Russian peas ants desert from the Red Army at every opportunity and go back to their villages where they earn more money than they ever before dream ed of earning, asserts the cores pondent of the Amsterdam Handels- bIad who recently visited Soviet Rus sia. Nobody thinks of shooting them for desertion.
The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1920-04-03

It is not true that the boys are not interested in the study of arithmetic, as they all want to learn how to figure out the standing of the ball teams.