Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-19
Upper Puts on a Sub
BY sEwELL FORD.

We'll, Swiftly" says I. turnin' &c
where this certified assistant Of mine
is shuffin' his feet impatient while
I'm windin' up a half-hour session
with regular. what you got on
your mind?"
PARTY waitin' to see you" says
Swiftly, noddin' toward the front office.
(which party?" says l.. Demo.
cratic. republican, prohibition. or
Abr chez" breaks in Swiftly
You know-the guy with the gray
streak through his front hair and the
shifty eyes: the one that was in here
last week that you was goin' to try
10 place somewhere"
OH says I. bill Hilton? Well
park him in a chair over by the win
mind. That's the easiest thing he
does. Besides. ! amt quite finished
with Mr.. Topper"
HUH" grunts Swiftly. indicatin'
Not of Bill Hilton. you understand
Oh, no. In spite of the baggy gray
suit with the fringed cuffs and all the
grease stains. and the two days
beard. and the unprintable shirt
Swiftly almost falls for Bill. I can't
jutty chin. or the odd way his hair
is frosted up. Maybe it's the combi-
nation. Anyway. Swiftly seemed i'm
pressed with him from the start. and
even after I'd limited how Bills chief
aim in life was to find somebody that
would stand for touch. he don
dnite get rid of the idea that Hilton
amt parsonage in disguise :.
Must have been somebody once"
insists Swiftly.
Yes. he was" 1 admits. Ten or
a dozen years ago he was head bar
tender in the old Gilsey House. and
before that he used to travel around
with my manager. Skip Rooney. as
cts to collect. until Skip found how
crooked he was and tied the can to
him. Oh. yes. he's some guy. Bill
Hilton Hilton; That is: 4 you're judsin by
And then this Mr.. Murdoch Tup-
Der, who comes in and pays us real
money to be put through a gentle,
1adylike course of apparatus work in
the hopes that he can get to rsleepin'
more'n four hours a night and be
'ers and milk-why, Swiftly can't even
look, at him without curlin' his lip.
Honest. / can't trust Swiftly to toss
the medicine ball at him for fear he'll
show his contempt too plain. or
maybe smear Upper against the wall
With a quick delivery.
Huh" Swiftly will remark. THAT
chinless shrimp
Which amt quite fair. Upper
has got a chin: the rudiments of one.
anyway. Maybe it does fade into his
neck kind of abrupt. as if the mate
rial had given out Just at that point,
but it's almost a half-portion chin.
Even has a cleft in it. Besides, Tup-
per makes up in nose what he lacks
below. It's long. pointed nose.
with a joint near the middle so that
you could almost expect him to
wfggle the lower half. I don't sup
pose he really can, though. I've
watched to see if he could, but I've
n&ver caught him at it.
Course, with features like that
Upper has a pair of narrow set eyes,
a set of airplane ears. and a promi-
nent Adams apple. I'll admit 1t does
give him kind of pif1in'. insignln-
cant look. First of I had him sized
by degrees I discovered that there
was more or less to Murdoch Tupper
He talked quite sensible and not too
much, seemed to have a good dlspo-
sition, and was quick at pickin up
hints.
Besides. look at who he was in a
business way. Oh, I don't mean he
had Wall street eatin' out of his hand
or anything like that But mere ne
come from some little middle west
burg. without pull and without Marsn
that, he had his net spread for some
thing big. He told me about 1t, after
we got better acquainted. one Gay
when I asked him what his ldea We
in huntin' up the Physical culture
You know. you amt exactly built
for roueh-house stunts" says 1.
Amt trainin' to punch somebody in
the Jaw, are you, Tupper
~Oh, my no." says iupps, Rut
7 simply have theory that the nrain
Functions better II the body is IN
rond nhysical condition. And I don't
want to be handicapped by indlges.
ton when am trying to put 'n'ous II
1 @1e '1 got the correct dope. Tup-
per-" says I, land I'll do what we
So did. too, and after a few weeks
/ believe 1 had worked Lev, rev, s S,.h
. started in his sallow cheeks. So I'm
= hit sururised, on this particular DAY,
when he let's out this moan ABOUT
being discouraged. .,
"After all. shorty. says me- !
don't know as it's of any use
.Ehr' says l. "Ain't you tackln
roast beef for dinner now and pound
I'M the pillow reg'lar every night
"Oh. yes" says he. And suppose
ought to feel grateful IL. ,or doe eaaa
I do in a W way w. 'o onvw ie
.How's that" says I, gawpin' at
II still look like a fiivyer. don't 1!
he demands. IS,
why" says I. stallin around
don't know as you do
THAT'S charitable of you. shorty
1t least" says he But every ume
meet a stranger / feel that ! an
making a poor impression. 1 can tel
by the way they look at me- Oh. yes
can. Especially il it is some one
have had correspondence with
They're disappointed. and show II
why. see here. Shorty: within tn
last three months I've lost out OF
two big deals that l thought l hat
al sewed up. simply because the mel
Thought I didn't look the part
"Ah, you might have imagined H.
Tupper shakes his head. NO.
saws he. The last experience mad
the case too clear. You know VIVA
my line is ! suppose-motor STOCKS
place new issues, get EN- unoer
written, have 'em listed. AND II
must say it myself. | know the gam
thoroughly. I've been at 1t for tel
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS!