davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

break. specially when there's two In
the family that's got it."
sHuh!" says he, starin' at me6 and
I could see that jutty chin OF his sort
Of stiffenin'. Think couldn't, Ell:
I'll just show you. young man. Get
why the hat!' says L
sWant you to help me pick out
place" says he. "Oh. I know your
dime is valuable. I'll square that all
right Let's 60"
TN in quite so deep as that when
unlosded all this near-expert advice
INIT Ridley Hatch had sort of called
nv hand. Besides, he's one OF these
iTnpetuous old boys who wants what
he wants when he wants IT. ana gen
orally gets it. He had the Limousine
Snout the second block he con-
eludeo he ought to stop for a word
Vim Mrs. Hatch. as he might be late
gettin' back expect It was SIT the g
at Of the hotel the lady trails along.
too. she's some fiossy dame. III say
ene Of these ex-show girl types that
still remem bers when she was a per-
feet So and amt quit struggnn 10
tS. u held of the henna bottle and
ETench face enamel she can show
Ether a vivid color scheme. The
little domestic debate which must
nave started up on the tenth moor
10 still going on. .,
.s,ut what's the big idea dearie!
she is askin' him. why ny, the suooe'
daah out into the country
"a suggestion of Prof. McCabe's,
.avs he. that I'm following up
doubt il you'll be interested: Gladys
Eadn't you better let US drop you
somewhere andI. o,,.a
you may not be hitting on All siH
Just now, dearie. but you're SUI
rather q frisky old boy and you !
stand watching OF course, what YOU
and the professor have framed ul
may be perfectly all right, but II
70 along I won't need to ask oul1s
to be sure Will 1. old DEAR Ane
she pats him playful on the shoulder
Surprisin'. amt 1t, how sometime:
you can sketch the complete status
quo Of a couple, just by hearin EN-
swap a little off-hand repartee?
hadn't known much of this Ridley
Hatch party before. except that ht
was vice president of the whisk'
broom trust, or some useful combine
like that. Anyway, he was minol
plute, with an income runnin' into
six figures since the war profits hat
begun rollin' in, and he'd gone groggy
in the knees tryin' to spend it the
way he thought a perfect gent ough1
to scatter IT around.
Hut now. get the rest Of the pic
tRtos Net that could tell Just hoS
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

Sure" says L And while the cir
is settin' up q table proceeds to qui;
her. 81 say. sister," says l. who!
this Hatch party that runs the place?
| you mean ElmerT says She. Wh!
he-he's just Elmer. you know
Somewhere around, is he?'
'Oh. yes" says she. Hes in thu
Kitchen"
"sort of superintendent. chr I sus'
! Hes broiline tho chickena." say'
she. Hes the cook"
you don't eay?" says 1 mar
cook? What sort Of q party now L
this Elmer?"
"Why. he's awfully nice" says the
girl. Everybody likes Elmer you
know"
"Then, there isn't Mrs Hatch. Ell?
"of course there is" says the girl
what does she do while Elmer
cooking?" asks.
why. she manages things eays
the girl. She's awfuhy smart m1s
II expect she has a nrst name. too?'
oh: yes.".. says the girl -Elmer calls
'There you are. Ridley" says T. +s a.
the waitress fits back toward INC
kitchen. "Odd, amt it? ...~
tits all Of that" says he SO
Elmer has dropped to thisEocok IN
roadhouse: while Kitty is-say: !
wonder what Kitty thinks OF MI"
now? .,r.zn.
she thinks he's a good cook. Well
soon have a chance to judge Tor our
"s-s-sh% says Ridley; Here's
Gladys. She mustn't know.
But Gladys has made discoseny
of her own that she's entnuEs n ST.
about 5on ouT say to ae ssa the swell old
hogany in there. Every room Just
full of it. and the dearest lot OF oiu
braided rugs. There's the incest lana-
lady, too; oh. a perfect peach. Win
gray hair and natural plnk IN asu ne.
But perhaps I'd better not let you
see her. You'd fall for that sweet
voice of hers, even If she isn't as
young as she was once. No, 1 think
you'd better stay out. How ABOUT
that broiled chicken?
Coming up" says L as tho waitress
staggers in with q big tray.
Uh-huh! It was the real article. tho
kind blamed few mothers used 10
make. And the wames-M-nn-m-m!
Some cook. TIL tell the jury. says
Gladys. Let's steal her. dearie and
start Housekeeping. -
there's a proposition for you, Rid
ley" says I, GRIMM.
Careful, Shorty" says he. or you'll
start something. 1t doesn't happen
Gladys. to be a her. They have he
cook here"
Couldn't. we adopt him or some
thing?" ask Gladys. Anything to
get him in the family. could stand
meals like this every day in the year.
Anyway. I mean to have speech with
grille! Take this five to Mr.. Cook
to give him vote Of thanks."
'tNow. Gladys!" protests Ridley.
"Oh, hush up, old dear! says
Gladys. run along. miss. and bring
the cook man."
Thin here~ asks the waitress.
tt must ask the manager"
very we'll" says Gladys. Bring
'em both. Meanwhile. Prof. McCabe,
pass the waffles. will you? And the
honey. please. Isn't that the most
heavenly combination? Say. I'm liable
to hug somebody before get through.
Maybe it'll be the cook"
Course, I had to chuckle at that.
AS for Ridley. he. seems to have lost
his appetite sudden. He sits there
gain starey at the kitchen door and
crumplin' his napkin nervous.
II think I'll step out and have
a word with the chauffeur" says he.
Better not, dearie." says Gladys.
"I may need a chaperon when I meet
that-Oh, here he is now! And the
lady manager. too"
Sure enough. in drifts stunnin'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
MILITARY. PAGEANT MARKS
FUNERAL OF CARDINAL
Body of Primate of Spain Trans
ferred From Madrid to
Toledo for Burial.

MADRID. September s.-The body
Of Cardinal yictorien Guisasola y
Menendez, Archbishop of Toledo and
primate of Spain. who died here
T Thur was transferred tonight
funeral procession took the form Of
great milit- -eant.
King Alfonso had given orders that
honors should be accorded similar to
those for a captain general. as the
cardinal was the principal army chap
lain.. The entire garrison of Madrid,
cavalry, infantry and artillery. with
other branches of the military serv-
ice, marched in the procession to the
station. Most of the members of the
cabinet likewise took part. as did
numerous representatives of the Dip
lomatic corps and the. special en-
voy of the king, while the entire
clergy of the capital was present in
full vestments.
The bells throughout the city tolled
while the procession was in motion.
The regimental bands played funeral
marches. and when the procession
reached it's goal cannon doomed the
final salute
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

gian police dogs, Pomeranians. York
shire terriers. spaniels, mastiffs, Bos-
ton baked bulls, greyhounds, wolf
hounds, airedales, settlers, pointers.
water and cigars, cognac. Total ex-
pense. $1.25.
This left Mrs. Plasterer with IS
bucks per wk. to throw away on her
and the kids. as the husband could
form. so she decided that the best
way to do would be to leave the kids
run around bare and that left her
81 per wk. to buy shoes, or one pair
wk.. and stin leave her 81 to stick
in the saveings bank.
AS for the clothes outside of the
shoes and ETC., my friend the plas-
terer's wife saved enough shells OF
of the sea food to keep her children
| in shell glasses as they was all near
sighted, and she saved enough bones
Off of the fish to keep herself in cor
sets, and >she saved enough fur OFF
| the dogs to make herself coat and
enough feathers off of the birds to
keep her in hats and enough leaves
off of the lettuce and anchovies to
make her dresses, and all and all it
will take a whole lot of tough luck
| for this family to find themself in
! the realms of poverty and I give the
| details to your readers in the hopes
J that they profit by it, as all a person
needs to beat the cost Of liveing is
a budget system and thrifty wife.
RING W. LARDNER.
Longs Island, Sept. 3.
! Copyright, 1920 by the Bell Syndicate. Inc. }
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

well. what have you found!"
asks.
Look says he. holdin' out the
card.
has to study It a minute before I
Hatch Proprietor,' Some relation of
yours?''
IL don't know" says Ridley. IT
had a brother by that name"
Had one. chg" says L And lost
him.
"We-er-we lost each other" says
he.
ct don't quite follow you," says I.
'1t wasn't all my fault" goes on
Ridley. gain sort of vague at the
name on the menu. Elmer had the
same chance that I had, only he
wouldn't take it. I even offered to
r nm s into sut no. he YOU'D
stick to the little one-horse town.
Said he didn't like the city. Wanted
to get out and moon around over the
hills. watch the birds and all that
tommyrot Mushy. sentimental cuss.
brothers at all tried to talk some
sense into his head. No use he
thought he knew.
! so by the time had piled up my
! first ten thousand and bought third
\ interest in the business Elmer was
| still raising a few chickens and fuss
| ing with flowers and bird houses. The
| last time I was back there I made
| him one more offer, which he turned
down. l told him / was through. Then
then there was Kitty"
"Gir1 In the case. too. was there?"
says l.
Ridley mods. zone OF the finest"
says he. when I first went away
she half promised to wait until !
| came back for her. I thought she
| would, too. oh, don't mean that ]
| wrote her every week, or anything
like that. I suppose I'd been playing
| around some with others, too. But
when I found her again. looking
sweeter and daintier than ever, ]
knew she was the only one. I told
| her SO. But she didn't care to listen
| It seems Elmer had cut me out She
| was teaching school and waiting un-
til Elmer could save up enough to
marry her. AS though Elmer ever
| would. put 1t to him nat, tried to
! show him what an injustice 1t was
to Kitty and to me. But all l could
get out Of Elmer was sneer and an
| invitation to win Kitty il could. and
if 1 couldn't to clear out and let him
alone. So l cleared out and I haven't
heard from him since"
That's been some time. take it?'
says /.
1pr Hatch could be the say
Shorty, here comes the waitress. Sup.
pose yen sound hee cut . bit"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

fish. schrod, halibut. sea bass. Fri
day luncheon-Brook trout. perches,
whitefish. catfish, dogfish, whale
Neat, coffee and cigars, sherry. Fri
day dinner-Oysters. CLANS crawfish,
smelts. shrimps, redhots, blue gills,
hook. line and sinkers. Total ex-
pense, $1.25.
Saturday breakfast-Talcum pow
der. porterhouse, smothered onions,
Long Island prairie dogs. snipe.
squad, quail, pheasant, Watertown
geese. bacon and eggs. soup and fish.
Saturday luncheon-Robins, thrush,
larks. bob-o-link, parrots, canarys,
owl eyes, coffee and cigars. Satur-
day dinner-Sherry and egg. Total
expense, $1.25.
Sunday breakfast-Ice cream, cold
cream. vaseline, cigars and coffee.
Sunday dinner-Crackerjack popcorn,
peanuts. caramels, milk chocolates.
chewing gum, candys. coffee and
cigars. Sunday night supper-Bel-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
, T amt often I push away their
coin when I might just as easy

ut amt often ] push away their
coin when I might just as easy
let it trickle into the cash draw
er. But now and then I do.
Sometimes just as a luxury. because l
don't like a face. and then again
well. because can't take it and look
in the mirror without blushin'. Same
as in the case Of Ridley Hatch.
he'd been coming to the Physical Gull
ture Studio regular every day for a
couple of weeks.
"Eh?" says he. bristlin' them bushy
gray eyebrows of his.
we amt gettin' anywhere" says I.
And what's more, we amt likely to-
But why not. Prof. McCabe?" he de-
mands.
I,.expect. too. that was my cue to
shoot 1T to him cold. Any of these
have told him fiat. without battin' an
eye. But I'd rather not. Still. it was
plain enough how near the rocks he
was. He comes toddlin' in here on his
swollen feet. his breath short and puff
~, bags under his eyes and his face
the color of cigar ashes. You know!
Rheumatic govt, arteries full of car
bon, liver on the fritz and a few other
little complaints. And he expects me
to put him in trim by half-hour ses-
SlOnS with the IneOlCluc DdIl anu TIC
apparatus.
you're making the handicap too
heavy, Mr.. Hatch" says I.
Il don't quite get you. McCabe."
says he.
''but amt you hoistin' in the private
stock kind of liberal?"
"Oh. that" says he, shruggin' his
shoulders careless. Have to have
about so much to get along on. Used
to 1t. you know. But perhaps I might
ease up a little if you think that
would do the trick"
ut would help" says I. 'but Judge
there's other things you'd have to
skimp. too. This 2 am. STUFF. for in
stance: Kind Of strong for the caba-
tie supper afterward, amt you?"
'Oh. come" says he. Got to do
something evenings. haven't II"
Maybe" says L Depends on what
you cali svenin.:. And after you've
that's all very well, .s Mec Ca be.
70. III $. s ;s e. s 3; 1av it aia 81
But see here, professor" he goes
on. I'm in no condition to be drop
ped. II you can't help me you can
at least suggest something. can't
"sure." says I. "You won't follow
It. though"
let's hear. anyway" says he
WELL" says I, where and how do
you Hve-house, apartment-
Hotel suite" says he, "at the Plu-
toria Big, airy, sunny rooms. nice
and convenient, too"
That's it," says I; too blamed
convenient to the roof gardens and
cabarets. What you need is the coun-
try-way out. where it'll be too long
Z trip to motor in after dinner. I'd
prescribe golf, too. Silly game. but
1T keeps you out in the open, and
after you've whaled around Ia three
mile course you'll be glad to hit the
hay and let somebody Selse stay up
to watch the Broadway chickens do
the new shiver steps and consume
filet mignon at 1880 am. That's my
dope. Swap your Looey cans suite
for q twenty-acre estate near some
country club and go to it with a
niblick. After six months Of that l
might be able to find something to
build on. Not that I look for you
to do anything Of the kind. The mid
night rounder habit is too hard to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

built. female with gray hair and pink
cheeks; and behind her, shufnin' in
sort Of bashful in his white cap and
apron. is this midd1e-aged party with
the low comedy face whiskers and the
whimsical twinkle in his eyes. You
know the kind OF facial shrubbery
mean-a set that looks like they
might be hooked on over the ears
and comes only half way down on the
jaw. I amt seen any like that since
had some like that in his cabinet, I
believe.
1t was the manager lady who opens
the talk. IT am very glad our cook
ing pleases you" says she. And did
one Of you wish to-why. isn't this
At that the cook person follows her
glance and opens his mouth. Sure
it's Ridley" says he. well. OF all
Hello. Kitty says Ridley: ~Hovdy.
Elmer"
long has this been going on. anyway?
This Ktty-Elmer stun? Dearie. Tess
up, who is this ElmerT
"Only my brother" says Ridley.
"Wha-a-t?" says Gladys. Your.
your brother? Why you never told
mo" says Ridley. II wasn't sure
that had. and even If had been
sure-well. I might not have men
toned him. So you've taken up cook
ing. eh. Elmer? How long SINGER
"About five, years ago, says Elmer.
"H-m-m. says Ridley. Couldn't
make a go Of anything else?"
Couldn't seem to-" says Elmer.
smilin. cheerful. "Guess cookin' was
what I was cut out for. after ALL
~ dare say" comments Ridley. sort
of curtin his lip. Like it. do your
~Oh. yes" says Elmer. That II,
next to raising flowers But here I
can do both. you see" And he waves
toward the garden:
.Huh. says Ridley. Not much
money in either. I judge
mo" says Elmer. Not much. but
what about you. Kittyr demands
Quite. says Kitty. We are very
happy and contented here. Elmer and
T. He's the Same dear absurd Elmer.
you see"
Ridley grunts. Il suppose SO" says
he. How about winters? What do
you do then?'
"Oh. Elmer builds his wooden bird
houses and garden stkcks}' says she.
land I attend to filing his mail or
ders. You've seen them advertised.
haven't. you-Hatch's bird houses?
And evenings we do lot OF reading.
It's quite cozy here. with the furnace
and tho big nreplaces. Elmer likes
being in the country 20 much,syou
know; and We keep % ven Did
Hut yea.ys changed q lot 6@ey.s.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
JAPANESE BIRDS AS GIFT.

Prof j. lima Of the University OF
Toxic has presented fifty Japanese
birds to the University Of California
Museum of Vertebrate Zoology, and DR..
William s. Kew of the United States
geological survey has presented to the
department of paleontalogy a collection
of shells.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
FIRST. T0WB0AT READY.
War Department Carries Out Plans
for Birmingham Mobile Service.

The first towboat constructed under
plans Of the railroad administration
for the Birmingham-Mobile service
will be delivered this month. it was
announced today by the War Depart
ment. which took over the inland wa
terways service from the railroad adj
ministration. Other units for the
same service will be completed in
October and November.
For the Mississippi river service. the
announcement said. deliveries are ex-
pected from October 1 to March 1, as
surfing "a very material Amprovement
in operating conditions eon both the
Mississippi and Warrior rivera"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
COLLEGE BEsTows H0NoRs.

The honorary fellowship Of the Royal
College Of Surgeons Of England has
been in conferred on Profs A Depagi
Of Brussels, NJ. Pierre Duval Of Paris,
John M r. Finney Of the Johns Hopkins
University. Baltimore. and DR.. Charles
II. Mayo of Rochester, MINI.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
DE GEER's MISSION.

Baron Gerard de Geer Of Stockholm
haa arrived in this country to study
Inc geological chronology since the ice
"a IN tho United: States and Canada
IA L. accompanied by his wife and Drs-
Ernest Antevs and Ragnor Liden
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05

Houses, arc SO short in Germany
that ,rationing 10 being enforced.
Empty rooms are used without consult
ING thA occupant.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1920-09-05
:1OWTOEATANDS SAVE
BY RING w. LARDNER,

= o the editor: These days most
everybody are preaching econ
omy in living, etc, but the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1920-03-01
than in the whole q 1fexico during
Z like period.

tAaa in the whole q lGexico during
: like period.
New Peint q yiew.
All thie ID q new point o. view
from IN oil operator and incadent-
ally . radically different view nom
that expressed in notes sent by our
department OF state to Mexico IN
recent months wherein Il Is claimed
that conditions are deplorable. that
Mexico was trying to connscate
properties Of American oil compan-
les and that protection wasn't being
furnished Americans operating IN
Mexico.
ut is time concludes Mr.. Guf-
fey, that the people and business
interests Of the United States began
cultivating an appreciation OF these
II, 000. 900 people living south OF the
Rio Grande." There may or may
not be significance in Mr.. Gufey's
statement issued on his return to
Washington. With Mr.. Lansing g
departure and Ambassador Fetch
er's resignation, President Wilson
may be getting ready to repud1ate
mucn Of what has been said on the
Mexican question by state depart
ment officials. Or it may mean. as
some oil men say, that MIR. Gu1ey' 8
statement is his comeback against
other oil operators who have bit
terly denounced him for accepting
permits from the Mexicans to drill
wells when others couldn't get
them. The next few days ought to
tell what's back Of it all.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1920-03-01

Mexicans ARE not attempting to
connscate all properties developed
and operated by American c0mpan-
les, for il such were les. purpose, it
could easily double or treble the ex-
port tax Of II cents a barrel, which
was collected on all oil exported
from Mexico in 1919; the Mexican
government received revenue
from such taxes last year Of about
5000, 900 pesos-less than S per
cent of the total government taxes
from all sources"
Require New Permits.
Mr.. Guffey claims that recogni-
ton Of the Mexican constitution
would have meant the payment of
only $3.50, 900 last year, "a small
sum when the enormous annual
Mexican oil production is consid-
cred" He says that all any COM
panies have to do Ito confrom to
the Mexican requirements is to rec
ognize the constitution, renounce
all concessions and leases OBJ
tanned prior to its adoption and
take out new permits" He adds
that his own company and subsid-
iaries are practically the only
American concerns which have &C
cepted the Mexican constitution
and because of this no interference
has been experienced in carrying
ont deve10nmerf work
President Carranza," declares
Mr.. Guffey, Il regard as an intelli-
gent, high type, constructive and
honest statesman nsf who has
a definite objective anu is making
rapid and systematic progress TO-
ward it's attainment. He has done
more for Mexico and the Mexican
people than any other president in
its history"
Mr.. Guffey says Mexico is pros
porous, travel is safe and that order
is being restored "as rapidly and
effectively as one could reasonably
expect"
But that isn't all. Mr.. Guffey, who
is a Democratic leader in Pennsyl-
vania, doesn't stop at a description
of Mexican conditions and tribute
to the Mexican president. He takes
issue with a recent speech by Gov
ernor Lowden who, he says, is
quoted in press dispatches as refer
ring to conditions in Mexico as de
plorable.'
Probably an investigation would
show" says Mr.. Guffey, that there
have been more holdups, robberies
and murders in Illinois during Gov.
ernor Lowden's term as governor
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1920-03-01
FameSS Kills IA
$1,000 Yearly

Est is fatal to health and personality.
1t is estimated that over 1000 persons
have died each year in the past decsds
long before their allotted span Of life.
through the effects Of excessive f.tasss:
unhealthy adiposity that is pressing
against and iniuring vital organs Of the
body. The heart, that delicate human
apparatus. becomes congested. In numer-
GUS cases there are dangerous gatherings
Of psckedin fat around the throat.
stomach. liver AID other delicate parts.
son while apparently well 10 liable IN
nervousness, neurasthenis, -physical or
mental collapse and other disorders. for
obesity il irritating. Cases Of hear:
fniis,e, apoplexy, sunstroke. etc. are fra,
quent causes Of premature death. Fat
persons are particularly victims Of acct
dents and are more liable than healthy.
slender persons to death from indusnza.
pneumonia and other severe ailments.
II you are o,srstout you should know Il z truly
good many years before natural old aase: simply
because YOU do not smancipe's yourself from the
S'1 e 81 :n VI Sns;Ssy e;
yosas~ and mss esSssstss. There u . delight
:. korsin E.tsm. It eonsiss Of some simpls
directions with tho uss Of oil Of korsin. This
method ID % pleasant because It contains no
thyroid or othef such drastic tnnod1ont1. M
st.snRoos exercises. no Starvation. indeed. you
may eat all you nsed. The korein Usssm Is
guaranteed: II d perfectly harmless; rsconmsndei
, b. physicians 4 reliable selft1satmsnt.
By reducing now you may expect create,
eententment. happiness, increased msnta
| and physical efficiency. better health ant
longer life. Be fair to yourself and
those who are desr to youi Surpri.'
| everybody With your renewed vigor. vi
! vacity and surprisingly superior person
! ality. Get oil Of koyefs (the essy kcreis
system 10 in each pkge.) st tho drug ytor'
without delay; or II more convenient
| send 81 90 cash, stamps or money orde
| to Korein Co., EA.69. Station +. Gs1
York, y, J.