The Chattanooga news. [volume] (Chattanooga, Tenn.) 1891-1939, 1920-09-16
Bits of Byplay
BY LUKE MCLUKE
Copyright, 1920. by
The Cincinnati Enquirer.

| Prosperity.
A poor man has to pinch and squeeze
To clothe and sup;
For everything but salaries
Is going up.
Famous AffInltles.
, Antony and Cleopatra.
Ham and EGGS.
Romeo and Juliet.
Pork and Beans.
Adam and Eve.
Corned Beef and Cabbage.
Phew!
We have no use for garlic soaks.
For they cause others woe;
And when they blow their breath on
1t Is an awful blow.
Pooling Friend Wife.
do you ever miss money out OF X
pockets when you get up In the mSfa1
ingg' asked Mr.. woodworking.
Every night before go home put
my money in an envelope and mail II
to myself at my office"
The Limit!
"Grabber is a greedy, discontinued
pest. isn't he?" said Smith. III
HE certainly is" agreed JNesI
on him, he'd kick because 1t wasn't Il
cloudburst.'
He knows 1t all,
Does Henry Hiss;
And yet he'll call
Debris "deb-riss."
Notice!
If you are Eoin' flshin' you can find
A. Krick in Milan, Ind.
Zinc lchoIs.
Better watch your five-cent pieces
Marie Zinc and Howard Nichols were
married in Cincinnati last week.
Our Joe Miller Contest.
8 Jim Dolan, who is acting as the Beat
Brummel Of the Savoy hotel during th(
absence Of Senator Bob O'Brien, claims
that the oldest joke is the one about
the travelling Snowman who exhibited
what he billed as The Scriptures Full
tilled-The Lion Lies Down With the
Lamb. He had a cage in which
and apparent friendship. A preached
bought a ticket one day and was very
much pleased with the exhibition. Aftei
congratulating the Snowman, thd1
preacher said: You must make
great deal of money out of this beau
tiful exhibition, do you not?" mot sd
much" replied the Snowman. absent
You see. have to buy a
new lamb every few days"
: Police!
And whaddy va gonna do with Rotl
Robb. the Crooksville. o., auto dealer
Famous Bits.
The One You Did During the War. "A
= of Byplay. :"
Six. HI
Clara Net, of Wooster, O., has joinedN
he club orchestra.
OF Course.
And, of course, it is only natura
hat c. LEM should be an optician IN
Iacon, Ga.
oh. JOY!
(Automohile Topics)
Glad Tydings Co. has established
eadquarters at S01a Reed street. Glad
'ydings has been made active manager.
Ho, Hum!
Time. flies, and Tempus Fugit lives
n Jefferson, Ind.
Our Daily Special.
Keep Your Mouth Shut and People
Won't Know How Dumb You Are.
Luke McLuke Says
Women are not as bad as some men
nagine. Most women would rather
ln away from men than run away
Custom is great stuff. A homely old
raid OF 20 needs a chaperone, but
retty widow of 10 can go 1t alone.
A man cusses with his mouth. But
woman can cuss with her eyes
In spite Of the biblical injunction, you
ould he as neglected as a red headed
.epchild IL you didn't love yourself
ny more than you love your neighhors.
When a wife can't coax her husband
ito her way of thinking she can al
avs cry him into 1t.
Suffering isn't an affliction, It is an
'set. A suffering man doesn't talk
lless he has something to say.
There is no use trying to be polite
you are decent enough to laugh at n
e bum joke man tells you, he will
) ahead and tell you a dozen more
Even when a man can't understand Is
ustc and women he can't help loving
en-.
The reason why a man thinks he has
right to knock you when you are
I've is because he intends to speak
I'll of you when you are dead. H.
A woman always has a kind word for
e cheerful liar who guesses her age
n years too young.