Evening star., 1920-09-12

dear Folks
I wanna take this opportunity to
announce that, OWN to both the
campaign an candidates gettin' hot
tern hotter, it's almost impossl-
bility for this kid Lon to give sepa-
rate answers to all communications
received touchin' on an appertain1n
to the political situation. an that
henceforth an hereafter he will only
attempt to tackle them questions that
hit the same subject oftenest. On
the theory of swattin' many flies with
one swatter we will now proceed.
Friend Lon: I'm expert candy
maker an up to now a lifelong dem
ocrat. but / stutter. An while bit
terly opposed to the proposed leagueo'
nations, find it turrible tough sled
din to out-argufy a bunch o felier
members down at my card club VINO
favor the covenant! These birds
claim that the league is a regular
bear-cat. an would sure bring home
the candy if the United States would
weigh-in. Please slip me short ar
gument to use at our next settin!
Make it snappy, friend, an omit as
JOE JELLYF1SH."
O. boney-fidey arguments, both pro an
con. the liggernations, but it's alb
|s'lutely ygimpossible to pick out a good,
sassy outburst against the PROPOSE
ton that don't contain g, as such
words as slippery. selfish, slick. soft
an snoopey are eternally creepin' in!
Howsum'ever. bein' as your oppo-
nents are all familiar with the paste
boards. l would suggest that you
base your argument against the propS
osition by comparin' the international
tumble to "a game O. draw poker!
hicf1 No
tween sentances an hand 'em the
followin'!
Now. looka here, fellers! You
'roosters' openly acknowledge. that
while the liggernations has been
functionin' for more'n a year, Europe
ever before. don'tcha? (Whistle.)
Still. on the other hand an notwith-
standin', you claim that if our great
country would just buy a stack O.
chips these conditions would change
an ..ala all hands would have peace.
the answer? (Whistle.) We hold the
keno marble, is at right? (Whistle.)
An bein' the whole league we'd have
to keep it goin, wouldn't we?
(Whistle.) An to keep it on the
move would take a great mess O.
'kale' to get men, don't it? (Whistle.)
An as We've got the 'kale' we would
easily be it. wouldn't we? (Whistle.)
But based on them calculations, what
else would we be? l reiterate. what
else would we be? (Start singin'
here, Joe, an pause for reply.)
Now, then. let's look at it this
away! You all figure yourselves as
pretty cute poker players, don'tcha?
(Whistle.) An seven of you invite
me to set in tonight! An / say I will,
which tickles you sidewise! (Whistle.)
But just when it's time to dole the
first hand my Missus calls up an says
the kids got the croop! (Cough.)
An I straightway skids home!
Cough again.)
Then. s'posin' tomorrow mornin'
when asked who cleaned up
(whistle) you told me, that OWN to
my absence the game was called off!
(Whistle an get your wind) Then,
in the name of the forty eight sover-
eign states of these great United
States of America. I ask you, first as
free-born American citizens, an next
as expert poker players, what would
/ be? Don't stop to whistle.) What
would / be? l say, or what would l
think l was scheduled to be, or better
still, what would / think you thought
I think / was to be? / have nothin'
more to say, gentlemen of the jury!
The case is now in your hands an 1
feel confident in my soul that you will
slip me a fair verdict!"
Mister. Lon: To settle a dispute