davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
We TOW NE GOSSIP
Il Registered U. Patent offic.
Registered U. S. Patent Office.
BY X. G. B.

i WAS going to Jersey.
WITH THE elevator man.
TO SEE fight
AND finally did.
AND SHE said to- me:
-WHAT TINE will you be home? p
AND l said:
"GEE wHIz!
q THOUGHT you'd holler."
AND SHE said:
"wHY SHOULD 1 holler.
"wHEN YOU want to gO'"
AND ANYWAY.
SHE WAS SO nice about it.
L DIDN'T go.
AND TOOK her downtown.
TO SEE Little Miss Charity"
AND WE loved it.
AND YOU can read this.
AS FAR as this line.
TO YOUR wife.
AND THEN tel! her.
THAT YOU'D like to go.
AND SEE fight.
AND MAYBE she'll say:
"wHAT TIME'LL you be home p
AND YOU say;
"ALONG ABOUT one"
AND BEAT it.
I THANK you.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
PHILOSOPHY

The road to the city OF Let II co"
Is paved with the stones OF Il Dont
Know"
And the faItering traveller passes by
The Miiestones OF Hope and Strive and
Try.
He drinks from the Fountain OF whats
the Use7"
And rests in the shade Of Good Excuse.
From the Tree Of Biun he cuts stan
And Joins In the gsmbols OF Chance and
Guam
Al the hurrylng thronEs on the Get Thcr.
road
lie mocks and iecrs like croRklnv toad.
NV tho rate ~ SiNth hc sN'rrH nre
> nj SONS ~ tNs HNus0 " 7 DoOt Iars
lie lives and dies In the Useless Row
So"
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

Senator Harding, a Question
SENATOR HARDING THIS MAY INTEREST YOU
- -. nd from Enrone Mr. Root Is tn
Are You With Elihu Root or With Hiram JON
Ninety Per Cent Of Americansf

y SENATOR HARDING, THIS MAY 49,
Mr. Root has returned from Europe. Mr. Root n the
private LAWYER privately paid Of big financial organSa
tons that would like this country through some hnd OF
League of Nations guarantee their investments ana tne
INDUSTRIAL gambling in Europe.
Mr. Root is the gentleman whom Mr. Wilson sends
over as his representative fortunately as the peoples
representative s..,
Mr. Root is the representative also OF many nnuenta
personages and interests in the Republican party H
believed that he Mr. Wickersham, Mr. Taft and some
Others not all as innocent Mr. Taft will persuade you
Mr. Harding to indorse kind OF League OF Nations
or international tribunal other device, making the
United States responsible for European troubles and espec
ay arranging for the United States to guarantee and pro-
tect in Europe and Africa the gambling investments
of Mr.. Roots prosperous clients
This matter interests you Senator Harding 1t is not
you to out with positive statement not
susceptible of any later modification or twisting TO the
effect that you absolutely permanently and lrrevocaby
against the League of Nations In shape and that you
will oppose with your veto and in every other possible way
any scheme that may be invented by the resourcef mr.
Root to make the little people of this country responsible
with ships and money for the various enterprises OF
big business the ocean.
AS things stand now Mr. Cox is beaten But he would
not necessarily be beaten certain newspapers and certain
men should change their attitude toward him.
There many independent newspapers in this country
that would change their attitude toward the Republican
candidate in five minutes if convinced that Mr. Root is to
be the real power behind the Republican machine and that
he has plan annu the Reputation of the League OF
Nations that Senator Harding has promised and that the
people demand shown by the Maine election
It needs no seventh of seventh to tell what
Hiram johnson would do Senator Harding and his Re
publican ticket Hiram Johnson should become convinced
that Republican opposition to the League not sincere and
absolute,
Senator Hardings sincerity is not questioned But the
people naturally want MORE than simple hearted sincerity
for sincerity might give them exactly what they don't in
tend to have.
The people want from MIR. Harding an absolutely posi-
tive statement pedgng himself against the League and
every form of the League, and against any modification
that Root might invent with eye to making of the
agency for Mr. Roots large speculative clients and friends
Senator Harding are you against the League of Ma
tions from top to bottom?
Are you against the entire Wilson program for making
of the United States of he United States of Europe
and the World" controlled by foreign council?
Do you stand with Hiram Johnson, Borah and 80 per
cent of the American people, with Root, Wickersham,
International Banking and innocent MIR. Taft?
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
GOVERNMENT CLERK COLONY.

w. N. EVERETT, who says he Is
not a real estate dealer, or promoter.
saws that a colony OF Government
clerks" is TO be organized out in
MARYLAND They will divide n large
tract OF land into fve-acre farms, one
for each family OF pioneers. The col
ony idea Is TO take the loncsomeness
out OF farm life. " W prpposel T.
enter into cooperative b"yinT
EVERETT thinks the plan a good
one for the man with small means 10
ret a foothold."
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
IT'S ALL SETTLED.

After reading the views OF boys
and girls of III and s as TO what
kind OF girls are most sought
after, and what a girl should be
to attain popularity, l reach the
conclusion that the consensus II
that she should be mice but
naughty" DEAR ECCENTRIC.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

This is one answer to the asser'
tioh of a woman writer that "wher'
there is jealousy there is true love-
Men and women can love with
out being Jealous, and they csr
be Jealous without loving. JenI-
eusy Is the chtd Of seif-Iove and
the murderer of true love.
r 7
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
Once-Overs
Copyright 1920 by International Feature Service Inc
MAKE A JOB OF ANY JOR

Copyright 1920 by Feat Service
MAKE A JOB OF JOB
Delivering the goods, getting counts
When apply position
what valuable could be o him. ~ "P0'ei
ASK tell he
after that he has the privilege discharge Won
The who
md Of this who the good, who
gets the steady position Nv e' VIM
Nearly applicant for position positive the assertion
that he she is able to perform the duties
Some and when they apply dcue the
idea that they might be fl
job - ~ ~ ' '"e
They forget that requires
the simplest thing we'll better than
position
how achieve things
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
roINrEp PARAGRAPHS.

Most women would rather patch up
a quarrel than to darn stockings.
Many a solf-possessed girl Is will
ing to transfer possession TO man
f. NJ. O'S.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
Bugs Baer
Own Your Home.

The effort of the Retail Liquor
Drinkers Association to induce
Congress to crochet a bill legalizing
a few powders with meals has
fallen flatter than an Erie carwheel.
The law mixers ruled that eats
were eats and vets were vets, and
never the twain shall say howdy.
Which leaves us just where we
started from, between the landlords
and the deep. blue poorhouse. We're
still between the lemon sQueezer
and the nut cracker The courts
are trying to Ak the amount of jack
that a landlord can grab off a
tenant who hasn't got any.
Winter is coming on, and there
amt been enough coal harvested to
load a postage stamp. Hank Ford
has reduced the price OF his cross
ing clogger. but that reduces the
cost of living and detracts from the
pleasure.
Three rooms and a bath cost any
where from nifty to a hundred.
There should be a rebate If you
take IL without the bath.
Everybody wants to own his own
home so that he can be his own
landlord. raise his own rent and re-
fuse to pay it. This is what is
known as swindling solitaire. The
builders buy a heap of ashes and
cut IT into building lots. They build
a nice no-room home on II and
paint II pink so folks won't think
1t is a letter box. The happy owner
moves in as far as he can get and
then puts both feet in one shoe so
that he will have room to stand up
comfortably.
A neat little home with a com
bined cellar and bath only sets you
back a couple of hundred years. A
two-fsmily house means that you
have to cut your family in two to
get in the front door.
All modern improvements: First
mortgage with a built-in soap box
and a second mortgage with a re-
enforced tooth brush holder.
You never heard much OF third
and fourth mortgages, but this will
be remedled at the next Home
Builders Convention. Weather
pioofing a house with mortgages
is the only way to keep the rain
out and the payments In.
Every man should own his home
even IL he never goes there.
The homecoming stun will solve
the rent problem. The thing ait
been invented that will solve the
homecoming question. But II the
wolves are loose. the only way 10
escape 'em Is to jump into their cage
and think you're fooling 'em.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

GEORGE ]. M. declares that the
painting of HARDING, at the Re
publican headquarters on Pennsyl-
vania avenue, contains the national
colors, red, white and blue, while at
the Democratic headquarters the
"sign" is in black and white. He
doesn't like the latter.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
TONGUE TROUBLER.

G. F. furnishes this ancient but al
ways interesting old tongue twister:
Peter Piper picked a peck of picked
peppers II Peter Piper picked peck
OF picked peppers, where's the peck
of picked peppers Peter Piper picked?
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
HE MISSED II AND s.

! am mad with myself.
missed II and S yesterday.
+. J. II.
dts not a good thing TO miss II
and S. Something mighty good may
be pulled OF any day. Besides, you
can't keep track of what's going on
when you miss a single day)
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
THE VAMPIRE.

81 wouldn't be a vampire"
Said little Mary Green.
81 don't believe I over heard
OF anything so mean.
don't know what they look like;
1 guess they must be wild;
For I've heard people say
They live on prey
Tbey capture with a smile"
SADINOB KLOP.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
Cure for Whooping Cough.

thought that the passing under the
belly OF a donkey OF child suffer
ing from whooping cough will
b~ire inst ant rellef.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
Considerable sympathy is expresset

Considerable sympathy is expressed
by two contribs-one OF them Bob
for the Park Guards" at Fourth
street and Pennsylvania avenue south
east. There is a movement on foot
to supply pillows for the hard iron
rails which the Guards roost on. They
are wearing out their best pants on
the rails" IL Is declared.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

"If we are going to play fair, the good people of
Washington should be given the great American boon
suffrage am much interested in the splendid CantaI
City, and will do whatever put its residents on the
political map, by giving them the right to vote"
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

"GOLDIE" sends a post card from
New York and says that up there she
misses the Washington cakes and
Cipuham James.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

Out near Hyattsville is a garage
where almost the whole neighbor-
hood congregates at times in spite of
the conspicuous sign, mo LOAF
ING" +. NJ. O'S.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
Votes for Washington

Congressman Luther w. Mott, of New York. has de-
cared himself in favor of plans of the National
committee for District of Columbia suffrage.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

. Baltimore gave BABE RUTH
. a wonderful welcome, but
. what would that crowd do IL
. John Barleycorn should make
a visit7 NAT.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

DEAR H. G. C.
I'M MARRIED myself.
AND i know.
AND I like birds.
AND DOGS.
AND HORSES.
AND CATS.
AND EVERYTHING.
AND so does my wife.
AND SHE hates prize fights.
AND / don't.
ILOyE EN-.
AND THE other day.
MADE up my mind.
I'D GO to one.
AND sat around.
AND TRIED to tell her.
THAT ON Thursday night.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

Dear X. c. B.-My wife is a dear
girl, but is always hopping on me
because like to go and see
good prize fight occasionally. Either
it is the expense she complains OF or
that / go too often. Now, she is a
reader of your column, and loves to
read about the horses, birds, cats
and dogs that you write about. So
If you could write something that
would hit the nail on the head |
promise you / will slip 1t to her
after supper, and maybe you will be
the means of my seeing a fight now
and then. II. G. c.
P. Snake it strong on the
heartache stun You know, about
the poor fighters with four and five
children and wives and everything.
Fix it good.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

amt been enough coal harvested to
load a postage stamp. Hank Ford
has reduced the price of his cross
ing clogger. but that reduces the
cost of living and detracts from the
pleasure.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

Three rooms and bath cost any
where from nifty to a hundred.
There should be a rebate If you
take IL without the bath.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27
I still contend for all that
> that that THAT that that man
used was not a conjunction.
r. p. O'BRIEN.
JEALOUSY-WHAT 1T is.

. '.''.''''''' ''''''''''''''.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

Every man should own his home
even IL he never goes there.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

You never heard much Of third
and fourth mortgages. but this will
be remedled at the next Home
Builders Convention. Weather
ploofing a house with mortgages
Is the only way to keep the rain
out and the payments in.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

All modern improvements: First
mortgage with a built-in soap box
and a second mortgage with a re-
enforced tooth brush holder.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

A neat little home with a COM
bined cellar and bath only sets you
back couple of hundred years. A
two-family house means that you
have to cut your family in two to
get in the front door.
The Washington times., 1920-09-27

The homecoming stun will solve
the rent problem. The thing ait {
been invented that will solve the
homecoming question. But IL the
wolves are loose, the only way TO
escape 'em is to jump into their cage
and think you're fooling 'em.
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
Market News

NEW YORK March 23.-Stook ex- change trading today was marked by intervals of duilnesS and uncertain price changes, affording a striking contrast to the feverish activity and irregularly higher levels of the prev ious session.
 General Motors again was the star performer. rising from its early low of 371 to 401 in the final hour and closing within easy range of its max imum at a net gair of 26 points. Stutz Motor rose 20 points to the new high record of 245 and Crucible Steel and Baldwin Locomotive at advances of five and two points. respectively. comprised the other most active and strong features.
 Occasional strength was displayed by other motors and allied specialties, also equipments, tobaccos and mis- ceiianeous shares. but this was neu- tralized by pressure against oils, cop especial description. Sale amounted to 1750,00O shares. The money mar ket was not visibly disturbed, despite reavy withdrawals of government de- posits Call money opened at per cent and most of the days loans were made at that figure, although per cent was quoted later.
 Some of the Liberty issues were in- clined to ease. but the general bond market. including standard rails and industrials. was steady at nominal changes. Total shares. par value. az gregated $14,225,000. Old T.. $. bonds were unchanged on call
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
LIVE STOCK
CLf-.44

O0fCa9o CHICAGO, March 2S.-HogS-Rc- ceipts, 26,000: 15 to 9 cents higher; bulk, s14.60@1615: tops, $16.35; heavy, s14.10@15.60; medium, S15.15m q 1880; heavy packing Sows, smooth, S13.25d 1875; pigs. s1s 65@15.5O.
 Cattle--Receipts, 19,000: weak; beef steers medium and heavy weigh, choice and prime. $13.50@15.25; me dium and good, sI1.50@13.50; com and choice, .25M14.SS; cows. s7.4OM 12.00; veal calves. si150@19.00; feeder steers. ss.o0@12.oo; stocker steers, s7.s5@11.25.
 Sheep Receipts. 10000: firm Lambs, s4 pounds down. $17-25Q e 20.00; culls and cmmon, sI4.00@l7.0o; ewes. medium, good and choice. s11.00@ 14.75: culls and common. $600@10.75.
 Kansas City
 KANSAS CITY, Mo, March 2S.-- Hogs-Recaipts, 17,0o0: steady to 25c higher. Bulk, s14-50@15.75: heavies. s14.5o@15-2 mediums. S14.S5m 15.S5; lights. $i5.75G 16.0o; pigs, s12.T5d 15.S5. Cattle - Receipts. 1o,s0o; mostly steady to weak. Heavy beef steers, choice and prime. s1s.S5 @1450; me dium and good, Sl1.65 @13.25; common. s10.00@11.S0; lightweight, medium and choice. $I1.75613.50; common and me d.um. s9.00@11.75; butcher cattle heif- CTS. s11.25 @13.25; cows, s6.90@ 1900; canners and cutters, $4.50G6.s0 veal calves, s14.00@1s.o0: feeder steers. sS.6o@ 12.60; stociler steers, $6.15I 11.50.
 Sheep-Receipts, 100; steady to r. cents higaes.; lambs. 17.00619.50. culls and common. s12-25 a 16.76; year ling wethers. s15.oo@ 17.25-
 Denver
 DENVER, March 3.-CattIe-Re- ceipts 1000: market steady Beet steers. s1o.00M 1925: cows and heifers. $S.00Q 1925; stockers and feeders, $S.25 d1I.00; calves, ss.00G16.5O.
 Hogs-Receipts. 3,1O0; market steady to strong. Top. s15.50; bulk. s14.75n n 15.4o.
 Sheep-Receipts 5.20O: market % to 30 cents higher. Lambs. s17.75 G1S.S5; ewes, $12.00@ 1900.
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
Legal Advertising
SALT RIVER VALLEY WATER
 USERS ASSOCIATION NOTICE OF ANNUAL ELECTION

Notice is hereby given that on Tues day the sixth day of April. 1920. the annual election by the shareholders of the Salt River Valley Water Users as- sociation will be held in accordance with the bylaws for the purpose of electing the following officers and for expression of opinion on the three propositions as hereinafter given:
 OFFICERS FOR ELECTION
 President-yice President
 District No. I-Member board of gov- ernors. l member of council-3 years.
 District No. 2-Member board of gov ernors. l member of council-3 years.
 District No. 3-Member board of gov- ernors. l member of council-3 years.
 District No. 4-Member board of gov ernors. l member of council-3 years.
 District No. 5-Member board of gov ernors. 1 member of council-3 years. 1 member of council-l year.
 District No. 6-Member board Of gov- ernors. l member of council-3years. l member of council--1 year.
 District No. 7-Member board of gov ernors.. 1 member of council--3 years.
 District No. S-Member board of gov
 District No. s-Member board of gov ernors- l member of council-3 years. 1 member of council--2 years.
 District No. 10-Member board of governors l member of council-3 PROPOSITIONS TO BE VOTED ON
 l. Shall the shareholders of the Salt River Valley Water Users association be assessed s1.14 per acre for recon structing a portion of the Consolidated Canal by enlarging portion of, the Eastern Canal and for removal of the South Consolidated power plant to point on the enlarged Eastern Canal. All of said assessment to be payable in six equal semi-annual installments beginning with September 1920.
 hoI cl,o of Salt River Valley Water Users association ing a drainage system for lowering and controlling the elevation of ground water on the project. All of said as- sessment to be payable in six equal semi annual instalments beginning with September, 1920.
 B. Shall the shareholders of the Salt be assessed $1.S0 per acre for the con- struction and improvement of waste ditches. All of said assessment to be payable in six equal semi annual in- stallments beginning with September. 1920
 The shareholders will vote yes or no on each proposition as they express their ratification or rejection of it.
 Done by order of the Board of Gov- ernors.
 Witness my hand this 4th day of March. 1920.
 F. c. HENsHAw. Secretary, Salt River Valley Water
 Users Association.
 First publication March 6. 1920
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
NOTICE nE
CALL FOR BIDS

ON SOLE, LEATHER AND UPPER
 LEATHER FOR STATE PRISON
 AT FLORENCE, ARIZONA.
 SEALED proposals. addressed to Board of Directors of State Institu- tions of Arizona, at State House, Phoe- nix, Arizona, and endorsed Proposals for furnishing leather for State Prison, File No. 4064 will be received by the said Board until ? D. m- April l. 1920. and will be opened in the presence of the bidders at the above time and place. and thereafter considered.
 BIDS MUST BE ITEMiZED
 Certified check for five per cent of the amount of the bid should be en- closed with same. to be retained as liquidated damages if successful bidder fails to sign contract.
 BIDS NOT MARKED ON ENvEL1- OPE AS REQUIRED, WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED Specifications may be obtained upon application to the Board of Directors of State Institutions.
 Prices must be f. 0. b. Florence, Ari- zona.
 The Board reserves the right to ac- cept or reject part or all of any bid, to divide between two or more bidders or to waive any informalities in any bid, as the interests of the State may re- quire.
 BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF STATE
 INSTITUTIONS.
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
AlTtSl. HERMAN KALLUSKY,
 Secretary. STATE OF MINNESOTA, COUNTY
NOTICE TO CONTRACTORS

The Board Of EducatiOn or casa Grande Union High school District No. of Casa Grande. Pina1 County, Arizona, at 12 o'clock. Noon. on the 12th day of April, 1920. will receive sealed proposals for the following: One CD bid for all work. except plumbing, heating and electric work. and sepa : rate bids for plumbing, heating and electric work required in and for q brick, concrete and frame high school building at Casa Grande. Arizona.
 Plans and specifications prepared by Lyman and Place, Architects. Tucson, Arizona, may be obtained from them. together with full information as to the proposed work and are on file for inspection at Room f, Goldbaum Build ing 211a South Stone Avenue, Tucson. Arizona.
 Contractors desiring to submit pro- posals may obtain copies of full or partial sets Of plans and specifications for estimate on request or by appoint ment. and the return of such plans and specifications must be guaranteed by d deposit of Ten Dollars. which deposit will be refunded on the return of the plans and specification in good order.
 Every such proposal much be accom- panied by a certified check of . per cent of the amount of the bid included in the proposal, as a guarantee of the intent of the contractor to enter into a contract with the Board of Education or Casa Grande Union High School District No. 2 of Casa Grande. Ari- zona. to well and truly perform all the matters included in the said proposal and in accordance with the plans and specifications. or as liquidated dam- ages in the event of failure or refusal on the part of the contractor to enter into contract as above named.
 Said certified check will be returned tc the contractors whose proposals are not accepted and to the successful con- tractor upon the execution of a satis- factory bond and contract as herein after provided.
 The Board of Education reserves the right to reject any or all proposals or to withhold the award if for any req son it may so determine.
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
NOTICE TO CREDITORS

NOTICE fIO CREDTIORS
 Estate of Virginia F. Churchill. de- ceased.
 Notice is hereby given by the un- dersigned Executor of the last will and testament of Virginia F. Churchill deceased, to the creditors of and all persons having claims against the said deceased, to exhibit them, with the necessary vouchers, within ten months after the first publication of this mo- tice to the said executor at the office of Kibbey, Bennett and Jenekes, 305 Fleming Bldg, Phoenix. Arizona, the same being the place for the trans action of the business of said estate, in said County of Maricopa.
 FREDERICK A. HARDWOOD.
 Executor of last will and testament of Virginia F. Churchill, deceased.
 Dated Phoenix, lAriz-. this Sth day of March. 1920
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
DRAW STRING BROKE
 AUGUST IS CAUGHT

ST. LOUIS-The draw-string on Au- gust Triske's pajamas broke, and
 Here's how come:
 Triske was a mental patient at the city hospital. He jumped headlong from twenty foot window and landed unhurt on the pavement He started to run. The pajama string broke. The garment wrapped around his legs and two doctors caught him.
Arizona republican., 1920-03-24
SCRATCH ON NOSE
 KILLS WAR VET

MUSKOGEE, Oxla.-A veteran of two wars and never injured in battle. Lieutenant Charles Reynolds, died here as the result of a scratch on the nose. Reynolds was a private in the Sanish- American war and an officer in the last war. Blood poison killed him, doc- tors said