Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-06-15
DOPEY DAN AND LON
PQrlOr BOLSheeueeks.
BY ". II. CLAGETT.

Don't think me soggy. boss. but on
tn level, what's a parlor bolsheveek?"
asked Lon Of Dopey Dan. as he pulled
out 9Th makin's."
"Why. Lon." replied Dopey Dan.
there amt a particle O. difference
between parlor bolsheyeeks an them
Of tn gutter brand, except mebbe, tn
indoor 'buzzards' are just that much
more emery! For bein' surrounded by
swell scenery an possessin' a wee
smack O. kultur they gets a better
opportunity Of spreadin' their vile
teachin's an are able to make
greater impression on tn poor delud-
ed 'come-ons' who fall for such Thorn
asfoolery!
There's been a mess O. publicity
give to this insiduous doctrine of late
Don't tumble insiduous. lad). but,
take it from me. when trimmed to tn
core, bolshevism, with all Of it's ten,
twenty an thirty cent buster, amt
nothin' more'n less than a up-to date
CON game, an how its white -livered
promoters. be they 'parlor.' Kitchen
or Just plain Itchy Wanderers Of tn
World, have been able to snitch SO
much valuable space from tn news
papers of glorious. free-for-all
country like ourn is past all under
standin' an way beyond me!
I've delved deep into tn theories
of these ,amalgamated varmints, an,
If you'll buh-lieve me to be tn skip
per there amt a idea or principle in
tn whole batch of conglomerated.
hndRa-n hodge anQrrhiQfic Il
thatsoworth a second readin' by a
self-respectin' guy! Born of vicious
ness. nourished on BLUM an ekin' out
a miserable existence on ,cowardice
an crime. tn whole dirty doctrines
menace to sound government, pest
to legitimate business an a insult to
every homes intelligent Workman.
They're bear-cats on destroyin' but
they never builds up! An IL their old
moth eaten slogan of Down with all
self" wasn't SO ridiculous 1t might
make a hit IL worked out in vaude-
willie.
Il reckon you amt never attended
a conclave of reds with tn parlor
bolp presidin'! Well, say. kid, you've
greasy. wall-eyed. hungry lookin'
'caterpillars' you ever see In one in
closure, a gatherin' of real bony-hdy
bolsheeveeks assembled in session is
just about tn worst you'd ever care
to squint at!
They never talks above whisper,
wear funny clothes, reek of old gar
lie, an have turrible uncanny habit
of skiddin' up when you amt lookin'
an hissin' out III p-s-t's until you'd
lay even money that tn fuse had
been lighted! They're nervous Mats,
place like caged-in hyenas, but they
never go ratty or froth at tn mouth
until tn parlor boil gets busy an
starts to quote Proudhon, who ac-
cordin' to tn dope book is tn papa
O. anarchy. an then their behavior is
oughta see 'em then. But it's right at
this tuncture that tn parlor boil
win, for havin' convinced all present
that on tn followin' Tuesday at nine
thirty sharp every man: woman an
che-fld who honesty earn over so
bucks q week will be blown clean
to glory, he slipperys through tn au--
dience collectin' for tn BLOWN! Say.
kid, compared with this parlor 'bolr
graft, tn III old shell games legiti-
mate business!
gettin' rid of these 'weasles'? nervous
ly asked Lon, who had started to I'D
get.
It'll say there is! An a quick way at
that! Bolshevism's a European prod
uct. belongs in Europe, an is goin'
back to Europe, If 1t takes tn whole
Of our unbeatable Army to give 1t
safe journey! We've got our own
poor. but thank God they amt yaller!
An truly believin' that rags are al
ways royal raiment when wore in vir-
tues cause, they've got tn backbone
to weather tn goin' an wait for tn
breaks! TIL Haymarket bunch tried
to introduce tn red fare over here
away back in tn SOS. but. bein' turri-