The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1919-12-25
FALSE PROPHET

1t is said that some people thought
the world might come to an end on
the 18th OF the present month; that is
TO say, they thought the circumstan-
ces were extremely favorable for a
catastrophe of that kind at that par
tlcular time. Our good friend,
Chas. Best, and even we, ourselves,
could find no conclusive proof that
there was nothing to it," We
knew it to be true, as ascertained by
scientists, that the earth is travelling
at the rate of 1874 miles per second
in its mighty orbit about the sun, or
at about rs times the velocity of the
swiftest cannon ball, wherefore if
any old planet, or anything, got in
the track, why, there sure would be
an awful bump. In which event we
weren't positive how the account
stood on the ledger And besides,
we read how Prof. Albert Porta Of
the U. of NJ, had predicted that as
matter Of mathematical exactitude
seven of the biggest planets in the
whole stupenduous solar system
would be in conjunction on the 18th,
constituting the mightiest 'league of
planets" in the known history of the
world, and exerting an enormous
pull" on the sun. Well, Charlie
and me knew that pull was a good
thing, all right, but not on the SUN.
It's all right to draw on dad, but pull
ling on the sun is nowise equally GER
tain in results. And again, we didn't
know if we had any personal pull
that could be depended upon as COM
mensurate with the other pulls that
might be pulled on the fateful 17th of
December. There was some suspicion
extant, indefinite, but disconcerting,
that when everything got pulling, on
the 17th, the sun would pull all these
planets, as aforesaid, to itself, or
vice versa, and then there would be
the biggest bonfire anyone ever
dreamed of and that might burn on
forever and ever, thus fulfilling all
that has been written ard concerning
whi....h the sinful, like us, have been
woIs'to solace themselves with doubt.
More er, science was supporting
theology and there was abundant
cause for anxiety. Prof. Porta had
said that there would be cyclonic
storms, floods, earthquakes, etcetera.,
and some of these things had come to
pass, thus quickening the consciences
of the editor and the village marshal
very perceptibly, albeit there were
no mutual confessions. But when
the 17th dawned bright and clear,
with the great orb of day never more
golden and beautiful, and The Mes
senger to be gotten out, and the dog
law to be enforced, things began to
look more reassuring, and Charlie
came into the sanctum, every now
and again, to assure US in the most
full-chested and hearty manner,
"Wen, we're still here" whereat we
replied soufully, "yesindeed, old boy,
and nobody ought to be more glad
than we about it. Michigan amt
exactly as salubrious as Florida, right
now, but there are a whole lot of
mighty nice things about a cold eli
mate" And so, for a time, Charlie
and me gave over our longings for
Florida and Palm Beach and were
right we'll satisfied with dear old
Michigan. Perhaps it wouldn't be
bad thing for this hurrying, thought
less old world, though, if some one
should prophesy every once in awhile.
with considerable corroborative phe-
nomena, although it is probably true
the subject of the universe is so vast
that scientists. like Prof. Porta is sup
posed to be, can just nibble around
the edges of it. 1t is now affirmed
that Prof. Porta is not connected
with the University of Michigan and
never has been and that his status as
scientist is questionable. or
course, Charlie and me didn't really
believe him, anyway, and we bet
lot Of people thought just as we did
about it.