The Catholic bulletin. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1911-1995, 1919-06-07
DOMAIN OF TEMPERANCE
OBSERVATIONS OF JOHN BARLEY
CORN.
John BIS. Explanation of His Downfall

John BIS. Explanation of His Downfall.
At last! Here I am with my walk
ing papers and the time set to de-
camp. That was an awful jolt l got
January 16. And yet l expected it.
You see, when ones friends go back
on him, it's all up. l haven't friend
left, none but those | have helped
financially, and they don't count.
The way those state legislatures
went after me was caution! Things
have changed of late. 1t wasn't long
ago that I was the chief lobbyist in
most of their bodies, and when
| winked an eye or tipped a thumb,
enough senators or representatives
would vote aye or nay to carry my
point. Those were great days. But,
as I say, when one begins to lose his
friends, it's all off.
Of course, the preachers have al
ways knocked me. What they said
from the pulpit was a caution. If
those pesky parsons had only stuck
to preaching the gospel I could have
pulled through. But their talk started
the Church members buzzing and the
| trouble grew. l had to keep my eye
peeled to keep going.
Then came that pestiferous Anti
Saloon League. The very thought of
| it makes me SILVER. Then there were
| the Good Templars, the prohibition
party, the w. G.. T. u, and a dozen
other societies that buzzed like mos
quitoes. But the Anti-Saloon League
| rolled up it's sleeves and stalked right
! into the midst of legislatures where |
| have had reserved seat for fifty
years and began fighting tooth and
nail.
| Next the doctors got after me.
| That old yarn about alcohol being a
food, liquid bread SO to speak, began
to fade. The w. C. T. u. got my
number all right, and when they put
books into the boys hands showing
the drunkard's speckled stomach and
cooked brain, | got in bad. Those
doctors sure hit hard.
Still | put it over on a good many
people despite the doctors. l jollied
the laboring man and told him | was
his friend. | started the old hoax
about the need of a bracer before 60
| ing to work, a nip at noon, swallow
at quitting time, and a few drinks at
| the Workingman's club at night. |
got by fairly we'll with it until the
cry of efficiency was started.
| | then saw the beginning of the end.
could have told the experts from the
start that | wasn't in the efficiency
business. / had unnerved too many
poor fellows and driven them out of
shops into the darkness of hell to pose
as an efficiency promoter. SO when
railroad officials, superintendents Of
shops, and presidents of corporations
demanded that every nerve, fibre, and
brain cell function properly for the
sake of maximum output, l knew |
was up against it hard. Plain to see
| was having a rocky time and if it
hadn't been for Mr.. Gompers, | sup
pose I would have been bounced al
| together. Then came the war. That
| finished me. I'm casualty, dead
one. But no gold star for me, no
| tears, no moaning at the bar. Not
friend left. I'll hang about here
| while longer, pack key and bottle and
go out, out, out. | suppose the last
sound I'll hear will be the doXology
sounding from shore to shore.
I've done my worst. Beelzebub him.
self couldn't have done a better job.
And | get the axe. Well, | deserve it.
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