New-York tribune., 1919-07-16

you think the barber has finished to the
time he actually has finished.
Regarding the young woman he is to
marry, Baron Ireland writes that she is
worth his weight in gold.
THE WEAKER SEX
VII
KENNETH
When l think of Kenneth
l shiver, even to-day.
I see his slim, straight boyish figure,
His smile like sunshine, and his scarlet
checks.
His hair grew in thick waves, snow white,
beautiful
l longed to be an artist to paint his
vividness.
He was so young, so very young,
Tossing his life away with spendthrift
hands.
Maine,
Mad with the joy of living
And then, one day in town,
AS we were swinging down the Avenue,
A tall, awkward woman in those fiat
heelcd shoes
Met and spoke to us.
"Good morning, father" she said. . .
And then she walked along with US
And told me of the school she taught
And of the many books one really ought
to read ALICE.
At the Steel Pier, Atlantic City, Lemans
Symphony Orchestra is playing, hook it
from the programme "'The Battered
Bride'"
"A Handy Man Around the House"
I watch my wife dub around; and rub around :
and scrub around
And take day to clean the Aat-four little
rooms and BATH
The way she goes about the thing Just makes
rise in wrath.
The statement may sound curious. but, gosh, 1t
drives furious.
l pace the floor and storm about, and say things
rather about
Her shocking lack of system and her inefficient
way:
"rll bet a man could take broom and in one
hour make each
Just shine and sparkle in the sun: she's often
heard me say
For years she stood it nice and calm, but Sunday
last she said Now, Tom,
This morning I'll put YOU to work and see how
well you shine;
It's Just exactly eight, old top; grab the
dustpan and the mop
And try to clean this four-room fiat before the
clock strikes nine
planned the work and worked the plan used
the methods of MAN;
Instead of scattered effort I just buckled to it
right.
Did take than short hour to sweep
each room. and scrub and scour7
You bet your blooming life I did worked till
twelve that night
MICHAEL GROSS
Mr.. R. NJ. Crosby, whose cover adorns
this weeks Life, was a Lieutenant in the
! u. S. Army, but he evidently was happily
free from paper work His title reads To:
From: Subject; and all Army writer's, as
any of us who won the war with type
writer's can tell you, put themselves first
Those who doubt that it is possible for
| the heart of the world to break have only
to look at the map. How else those archi-
peagos?
The Peace Formula
My Boy you may twt your Beloved
With jests at the way she is gowned,
! When it's heard by just two, but it never will do
With other fair ladies around
You may laugh at her latest of costumes
And mimic her trcklets of speech:
You may even presume to make fun Of a plume,
And refer to heg chum peach
You may lead her to talk Of her causes
! Then brand her opinions unsound--
When it's heard by just two, but it never will do
With other fair ladies around.
In n crowd, concentrate The Lady,
: And display admiration profound.
Should she say something nice. then agree with
her--twicc.
With other fnir ladies around FrNNy
New York State has 525 900 motor cars,
which, take it from any driver across
Qucensboro Bridge of Sunday, sounds
absurdly small.
The ban is off trade with Germany, and
it looks as though we should be able 20
buy hnrmonica now.
Some of the Senators should receive the
Congressional Medal
For conspicuous bravery In reaction
+. T. A.