New-York tribune., 1919-04-15
TO JEAN, A SKEPTICAL AMERICA

Ah jean you fatter me,
And when fatter me
Well, that's another story.
If had imagination
I'd write scenarios for the movies
Or street ads
(Lord knows the baby needs some shoes)
l can but chronicle the passing pageant
From the chance glimpse I get
Between the heads of those who stand in front
But, Jean. If you will take my hand
III lead you through that Wonderland
III show to you the school she built
1t has her name above the door
And III point out to you the unknown things
Little dwellings. red with rambler roses.
Set in plots of clean, green grass,
And rows of zinnias, beds Of asters,
Salvas pinks, geraniums,
CONTROVERSIAL the old beloved blooms:
These dwellings called "homes"
And in them dwell curious sect
Who do good unconsciousy
most strange folk called Christians
Among them many who have lived full lives
Never tasting of the juice that July dooms;
Some of them Teachers too,
Respected loved-and paid
(Of course, they don't spend all they make
On spearmint and ''de movies")
But, Jean, if you've no faith in Mad Hatters
Then form a Soviet
~ be your first member
The other day wished to plant some seed
In tiny window box;
So I went out to get some SOIL
And I paid for it
Forty-fve cents for peck Of dirt,
We who were whiskey-swippers
used to resent the term rum" Nom
drinkers used to refer to all kickful drinks
as rum" But we who now blot up orr
frosted chocolate, our lemonade, and our
sweet cder-we fountain fans object to
the idea, prevalent among the ironic mem
bers of the younger Martini set, that our
only tipple is the Nut Sundae.
If Mr.. Taft said what the advertisements
say he said about "A Little Journey.~ wc
Tor one, see no reason why his remarks
should not be blazoned forth What per-
plexes us is why his statement should be
accompanied the billboard with picture
of the late John Lawrence Sullivan.
human boodhounds whom. no
had certain reasons to believe would be
unleashed on his trail.-Henry Leverage, in
the May Cosmopolitan
NnOm are your said Cyril"
Theda Bare in "Salome.@ .@Baltimore Sun
headline
"Stet!" cries the proofroom
But When It Comes to Slaughter
Sir: A prominent Prohibitionist remarks
that tho Americana soldiers were prohibi-
tion-trained, and adds that "they went over
and licked the beer guzzling Germans"
Giving the Imperial German Government q
Dry Cleaning, as 'twere. But considerable
credit for the complete crash Of tho Hun
zollern plans must be given to the rum
ewigging British, the beer bibb|inr Rel
gians, the wine tippling French and tho
N"'""H garghng Italians. d. A. g.
AS forewoman Of the jury that is to trv
tho ex-haiser, II. M. nominates the Ger
man woman who gave nine sons and re-
ceivcd the "Kaiscr's" signed photorraph in
exchange
Not VERY" these days. is M. L. F.'s con-
tentlon. The thing now is "more than.v
as In more than glad" moro than CRATE
full. 1t Is, truly, rasping locution.
Although our manifestations Of what
Prof. 1horstcin veben calls Conspicuous
Waste do not include tho wearing OF en-
broidcred initials on the arm of n shirt.
there arc some exhibitions that wo do
make use OF.
last line, for example
Could anything he moro
Conspicuously
"sStsful7 "~ r. p. 4,