Evening star., 1919-02-16
M KIND of glad l was with Ernie
when he had his big night. If
hadn't been 1 never would have

believed 1t of him. Not IL he'd
produced affidavits. No! 1t would
have been too much of strain on the
imagination.
For somehow it's hard to connect
Ernie with anything like that. even
when I've seen what I have You
could almost tell that, just by his
name--Ernest Sudders And when /
add that he's assistant auditor in the
Corrugated offices you ought TO have
the picture complete You know what
assistant auditors are like.
Ernie ran true to type. And then
some. / expect there was one or two
other things he might have been: such
as manager of gift shop, or window
dresser for the misses department. or
music teacher in a girls boarding
school. But doubt if he'd ever been
such success as he was at the high
desk. Seemed like he was born to be
an assistant auditor. He was holding
the job, when | first came to the Cor
rugated as cub Office boy; he still has
it, and | can think of only one party
that could pry him loose from it
the old boy with the long scythe
For one thing. Ernie gives all his
time to being assistant auditor. Not
just office hours, III bet he's one even
III ms SitcD ilt 1uOhS tIhe the part,
dresses the part. thinks the part He
don't work at IL. he lives it. Talk
about this four dimension stuff Ernie
gets along with two-up the column
from the bottom, and both ways from
the decimal point.
Not such "A bad looItn' chap, Ernie,
only bit stiff from the waist up. You
know, like he had his spine IN cast
Ihen there's the neck apple. Ernie
hts his into high white wing collar
off
and a pearl stickpin Also he sports
the only black cutaway that's worn
reglar into the general Offices Oh.
yes, Ernie could go on at minutes
notice as best man or pallbearer, /
don't mean he's often called on to be
either. He only wears that costume
because that's his idea of. how an as
sistant auditor should be arrayed.
one OF these super-system birds
Ernie is. He could turn out an an
nual report every Saturday IL the
directors asked for it, Never has to
hunt for bunch of stray figures He
has everything cross indexed neat and
accurate. He's that way about every
thing, always spare umbrella and an
extra pair of rubbers in his locker,
and he carries a pearl-handle pen
knife in chamois case.
But IN spite OF all that I'm sorry to
state that around the Corrugated
Ernie is rated as a walking joke. We
all josh him, even up to Old Hickory
Ellins. The only ones he ever seems
to mind much. though. are the lady
typists. The hardest thing he does
during the day is when he has to
walk past that battery OF near vamps
for they never fail to lay down a
rolling eye barrage that gets him pink
in the ears
Course, having noticed that. T gem
orally use IL as my cue for passing
pleasant words with Ernie Honest
now, III ask him, which one OF them
Lizzie Mauds are you piayin' rs favor
lite these days, Ernie?"
And Ernie, he'n color up like a fire
hydrant and protest: "Now, SAY
Torchy! You know very well I've
never spoken to one of them"
Yes. you tell II we'll" I'll say, but
I'm onto you. old sport"
don't know how long I've been
shooting stuff like that at Ernie. and
II always gets him going have
hunch, though. that he kind of likes
It, These skirt-shy boys usually do.
And as matter of fact | expect the
only female he ever looked square in
the eye is that old maid sister of his
that he lives with somewhere over in
Jersey.
So this night when we were doing
overtime together at the office and il
was case of going out for dinner I'd
planned to slip a little something on
rrHle py toWin MIN 10 Il foint where
the lights were bright and they were
apt to have silver buckets on the
floor. l was hoping he might see some
perfect lady light up cigarette, or
maybe give him cut-up glance over
the top of her fzz goblet 1t would
he cheerin to watch Ernie tryin' to
let on he didn't nStice
He'd already CALLED sister on the
long-distance telephone and told her
not to wait up for him, explainin' Just
what il was we was workin' on and
how We might not be through until
quite late. And Sister had advised
him TO be sure to wear his silk mufiler
and not to sleep past his station if he
had to take the HAS out.
Gosh. Ernie! says L. "If you're
that way now what'll you be when
you're mSrried?"
But hadn't thought of getting
married. says he. Really"
Yes, says !, and YOU silent
thouehtless boys are the very ones
who jump into matrimony unexpected.
Some evenin' you'll meet just the right
habldoll and the next thing we know
you'll be sendin' us at home cards.
You act Innocent enough in public hut
III bet you're "A bear when IL comes
TO workin' up to quick ciinch behind
the palms."
Ernie almost gssps with horror at
the thought.
a. a.