The Topeka state journal., 1919-12-19
ON SECOND THOUGHT
BY JAY f. BOUSE.
tFroIn Philadelphia Public Ledger.)

There is, we understand. some conn
plaint on the part of numerous read
ers of the column because it isn't
haps justly so. that a humorous col
umn should be humorous. just the
other day a casual critic remarked to
a friend of ours: Il don't get this fell
low. 1 read his stuff. but it isn't fun
n.y." Others have expressed the opin-
ion, that due to the paucity of humor-
Gus expression herein, the weli-known
gate shortly would swing outward
for US,
We don't mind saying the situation
perturbs US. Except that we occa-
sionally, as is the habit of every man.
attempt to show off for the benefit
of the ladies, we cannot remember
that we ever tried to be funny We
have ende2vored. at times, to project
.he unctuous whim wham and the
sprightly wheeze, but We never con-
sidereI humor our forte and have
never attempted to produce 1t. But IL
the popular demand is for humcr, we
shall attempt to meet it, and in to-
days issue we devote the space ac-
corded US to the incubation OF
laughter.
In watching the work of the regular
journeyman humorist we have OBJ
served that the high cost Of living or.
as they have nicknamed it. the II. c.
L.. is one of the most fecund of their
sources of inspiration. Therefore. as
our first essay into the field of the
humorous, we shall write joke about
the II. G. L.
Mrs. Alonzo Muchmoney has given
her pearls to her maid and appeared
string of fresh country eggs. Miss
Tessie Terwiiligcr's engagement ring
| is beautiful two-carat lump of coal
set in case-hardencd steel.
One of the standbys of the hard
working and mirth- provoking humor-
list Is the joke about mothers-in-iaw.
| We don't mind saying that we con-
! slider the mother-in- law joke a dubi-
GUS pleasantly of very coarse texture
! and one in exceeding bad taste. In
| recent years 1t has appeared infre-
quently in high-class publications but
| vaudeville audiences still go Wild over
= 1t and, since the vaudeville audience
fixes the standards of humor in this
country, we shall attempt a joke on
the mothers-in-law.
The undertaker's assistant was mar
shaiing the relatives and the close
! friends of the family into the line of
waiting carriages. Into the second
carriage he had waved the bereaved
husband and his mother-in- law. The
lady got in amicably enough. but the
| bereaved husband baked. Pressed by
| the assistant undertaken for a reason
for his obstinacy. he merely expressed
T, the wish 20 ride elsewhere. The scene
had already attracted the attention of
the friends and neighbors who had
gathered for the services, but the
dumb pantomime between the two
men continued, with the husband OBJ
durate and the undertaker's assistant
as adamapt Finally the latter. dis
regarding the time, place and occa-
procession" "Weii." replied replied the R be. bes
reaved. husband. I'm get in il you
| insist. but 1 want you to know you've
spoiled the funeral. for me-"
One of the most side-splitting Of the
! time-tried jokes is that of the hus-
band. usually depicted as little the
worse for his liquor, who comes home
, in the early morning hours, fumbies
| awhile at the keyhole and, once inside
! the hall, removes his shoes in the
hope that he may sneak upstairs with
out awalling his wife. We shall now
| write joke about the husband who
removes his shoes in the hall.
Appieby, whose incandescenee, while
marked, was not sufficiently penetrat-
ing to illuminate the lteyhoIe, finally
gained entrance thru the front door.
Inside he swayed unsteadily into tho
hall seat. and after much patient ef-
tort removed his shoes. AS he arosc
to climb the stairs he stepped on a
carpet tack and as he reached for the
support of the stair rail he overturned
| a valuable vase. which fell with q loud
crash and broke into a thousand frag-
ments. The third board in the stairs
creaked dismally, as did the seventh.
| Reaching prematurely for the unen-
numbered ground OF the upper ball,
he caught his toe on the top stair and
fell sprawiing TO the floor. But no
sound camo from his wife's room be-
Yond. In a spasn of terror he made
his way to his own quarters. where he
| removed his clothing and crept into
i bed. But his wife continued 10 slum-
Der soundly. and as he fell asleep he
was congratulating himself on having
/ once e1uded her. The next morning
when he awoke and started TO search
for ice water he happened to remem-
ber that his wife and children were
away for the. summer and would not
return for six weeks.
Another OF the standard and excrucf-
atingly funny jokes is the one bearing
upon one of the many details OF the
marital relation. Here is a very funny
one about marriage.
Where" said a friend to Jasper
Ellington. did you meet your wife 30
81 didn't meet her." Jasper replied.
| she overlook me-
Since nobody ever tried TO be funny
without the aid of the Irish. IL is now
our purpose to compose an Irish joke.
Pat and Mike were looking into a jew
eler's window in which many dfss
monds were displayed. Faith" said
Pat. ''how would ye loiite To take yer
pick?" "BeEorra." said Mike, IRA
rather have me shovel"
There's your funny stuff. Go ahead
and laugh till your sides ache.