South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-01-26
MAN IN THE STREET

Lillian Russell says she is back
on the stage because she is broke.
We can scarcely realize it. And she
married an editor. too.
II you are a gentleman and a
philosopher you will judge a wom-
ans intellectually by the loftiness|
OF her thoughts and not by the height
of her shoe heels.
Somebody has introduced a bill
providing for a pension 70 teachers
after they have taught % years or
reached the age of so. II is UNI
necessary At the present wages. all
Indiana teachers will have starved
to death long before they teach Is
years.
They are arresting German girls
for talking TO American soldiers.
The sad story of Eden warns us that
our guileless American Adams must
not be exposed to the wiles of those
fiaxen-haired German Ewes, if the
apple crop Of that vicinity is to be
conserved.
We suppose if the Lord had 70
make man all over again, in the
light Of experience. He would make
the thinking part Of him 10 run a
couple Of hours without a break
down and reduce his conversational
output about 30 per cent
Another reason why so many
young men prefer TO learn their wis
dom through folly is that they no.
tice that the big crowd is at the
University of Folly. whereas Pru-
dence Institute seems TO be pretty
well deserted.
Otto Lang wants 10 know why fish
are not provided with legs so that
they can get on dry land and catch
the insects. Even with the obscurity
they can enjoy below the water sur
face where prying eyes may not be
hold them. fish are lied about suf-
fciently already.
Anyway. the Milwaukee girl who
stole s30O TO buy chop suey ought
20 have the benefit Of the knowledge
that she can get liver and bacon in
Mishawaka for less.
The republicans say that the pos
tai service has deteriorated under
Gen. BurlesOn. Even il it has, they
cannot deny that the system is fuller
OF democratic patriotism and enthu-
siasm than it has ever been before
That assurance ought TO atone for
all defects.
When you see a man out hunting
a bootlegger you can't always tell
whether he wants TO get the man or
the jug.
John Barleycorn's sun has set.
But his moon has riz.
Out at the Miami country club
they are complaining because golf
balls are up TO s1.25 each, but there
are others who are willing for golf
balls TO fly as high as a lark if only
Goldfish balls would roost low and
highballs would not hide so per-
sistently.
We believe it will be admitted in
the domain Of anti-alcoholia that the
state Of Nebraska was "a Perfect
So"
The little boy starts out in life
with an ambition TO be president.
And frequently he reaches the half
century post paving the air in the
legislature. In the realm OF human
ambition that is what an aviator
would call a political tail spin.
This talk Of barring the reporters
from the peace congress is silly. 1t
is as difficult TO have peace without
the reporters as II is TO have peace
with them.
When Il is a man getting set Of
false teeth. ne is afraid he is not
IL it is a woman. she is afraid she
viii not DE able 10 talk.
President Clemenceau kissed "a
stenographers on the day the ar
mistice was signed.
OF course a man has a right TO
obey his impulse, but we'd rather
choose one stenographer and kiss her
"a times.