The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1919-04-17
Society and Club Life
ADDENDA
Humor and Tragedy from theLath-
rop Lecture at the Lance Home.
"Big Bertha was Impossible

You people who were perfectly
safe over here will never know how
annoying big Bertha was out there
in the Forest of ST. Gobain. On the
firing line or in the sheli-zone one could
usually know just about where the blow
was going to fall bat in Paris with
Big Bertha out there - well, it was
the most promiscuous shooting I was
ever present at.
"You'd hear the explosion and some
one would remark casually but little
worriedly Big Bertha has laid another
egg and it'll be Matching all kinds Of
trouble if you just give it time.
t'And the worst of it was one could
never tell where the next 9egg would
be laid.
$50, really, we weren't nearly as
safe as we made you think we were,
but we stayed there because we thought
we were needed and we didn t want to
quit under fire. Tt was worse when
the Chateau Thierry drive began.
Everybody left Paris then and when
we were cabling you that your daugh-
tiers were absolutely safe our motors
Just outside headquarters were all
creased for flight from Paris.
ct repeat it-'Big Bertha was i'm
possible.
''She was Afraid Of the Draft
"French folks may be artistic and
heroic but they re not exactly sanitary.
It's as dangerous to raise a window
in house as it is to speak German or
'Hoch the Kaiser Actually I went
Theoretically sealed in France and tried
to think that was smelling Eau de
Cologne.
"I'll never forget one woman that
we helped with an operation. She had
had her tonsils removed and I had
called on her to see how she was re-
covering. She seemed splendid as far
as, general health was concerned but I
couldn't make her hear anything. I
shouted and shouted but she just
smiled and said nothing and I knew
that she hadn It heard the first word of
all that I had said. I was just getting
panicky thinking that she'd gone deaf
from the operation when she reached
up and took a great wad Of cotton out
of each of her ears.
"'Why in the world wear those in
your ears, I said, Earrings are much
more becoming and they don't inter
fere with your hearing
Well, she answered, in all good
faith, too, Esince my tonsils have been
out I've had such draft in my head
that I just had to protect my ears with
cotton
"They re that afraid Of draft in
France,
A Misplaced Present
"There were terrible billiards in
France and when they came the men
suffered most with frozen feet. Some
Of them died with them. Anyway there
was almost never enough socks in
France.
During one of the billiards we
heard that some wounded Algerians
down around Rheims were suffering
terribly from the cold. So we gather
ed up all the socks we had-some of
them had been sent from Kenosha-
and despatched them to that hospital
by special courier. We sent some COM
fort-bags, too, but the socks were to
be our big present.
'fThe courier arrived safely and on
time and distributed the comfort bags.
The men were childishly pleased with
tenn but he kept telling them that the
best present was still to come.
"He decided to make little speech
before he gave them the socks. He
explained how we'd tried to send the
things that they needed most and how
he'd saved the best until the last.
Then he opened up his bundle and let
the socks-wonderful socks, some Of
them with colored borders--fall out on
the nearest bed. There were not the
smiles he had expected. The men
turned away strangely and some of
them cried a little. He couldn t IN
derstand He'd planned his surprise
so carefully and he was frankly dis
appointed.
$50 Sir, you've made a terrible
mistake, the nurse said by way of
clearing UP the mystery. You We
brought your socks to the wrong place.
Not maA in this ward has foot. -