davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Sure SUCCESS.

A banker was talking about the sue
cess Of a merchant.
"At banquet" he said, II sat op-
posite the man and during the speech
making 1 saw him drop a quarter on
the floor.
"Of course he didn't interrupt the
proceedings at the time, but after the
speech-making was over he got down
on his hands and knees to look for the
lost quarter"
did he find ft?" another banker
asked.
"Find it," said the first banker.
HWhy, man, he found q half-dollar."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Bulletin From the Rhine.

The "Sally AIMS visited D company
Monday and put over a doughnut and
ice cream barrage, which was met with.
great resistance. Having inflicted a
heavy loss (doughnuts and ice creamy
in the taking of the first objective,
they went in for seconds, and got 'em,
too! It is thought that the sally
AIMS" are preparing a counter-attack
let 'em come; we won't bulge an
inch, as the last assault raised our
morale Observation-Disclosures Sem
tinel
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Lucky for Grandma,

Grandmother always reproved her
grandchildren by telling them how
much for the worse children had
changed since she was child herself.
One day she was scolding her nine
year-old grandson for spending his
pennies instead of saving them. "NOw
when 1 was your age" she said, 81 had
a whole bank full of pennies. Buying
candy was a holiday, not an every day
affair.""
Fred still eyed his pennies. Grand
mother" he said. quite respectfully,
"isn't it lucky for you that none of
us were alive when you were yOung?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Kidney and bladder troubles don't
disappear of themselves. They grow
upon you, slowly but steadily, UNDER
mining your health with deadly GER
tainty, until you fall victim to in.
durable disease. %
Stop your troubles while there. is
time. Don't wait until little pains be-
come big aches. Don't trifle with dis
ease. To avoid future suffering begin
treatment with GOLD MEDAL Haar-
lem Oil Capsules now. Take three or
four every day until you feel that you
are entirely free from pain.
This well-known preparation has been
one of the national remedies of Hol-
land for centuries. In 1896 the govern
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Eahukinn Daddy.

Alices father was an engineer with
a decided conscience. His work came
before pleasure, absolutely.
"Oh. daddy" pleaded the child one
day, please go with us to the ball
game this afternoon"
Simply can't, child; too much to
do" was the hurried answer.
ooh, daddy! You'll never go any,
where! You're so dutifed."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Toad in a Coal Seam.

A toad has been found buried in
Netherseal colliery, near Burton-on-
Trent, England. A collier was mining
600 feet below the surface and a mile
from the pit shaft when his pick struck
into a pocket of clay, and out rolled a
toad three inches long. 1t is being
kept in the managers office, and is re-
covering sight and moving about.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
As Ordered.

A rookie who was detailed in the
mess hail for week, got along fairly
we'll until one day the head cook said:
"put some water on the fire." He
went out into the storage room to
open can of peas, and when he came
back, the fire was out.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Tommy's Bio Brown Eyes.

Tommy had big brown eyes which
attracted the attention of everyone.
See here, Tommy, where did you
get those brown eyes? Your father
and mother both have blue eyes!" l
exclaimed one day.
"Aw," Tommy bashfully muttered,
81 caught 'em from my uncle, l guess
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
a Word of Prudence,

eff you must be a musician, my son,
learn to play the piano"
"Why, father"
"Then when you are engaged with
an orchestra you can turn your back
on the room and won't have to look st
the dancing"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Father Got 1t.

Dad, do we have to pay war tax so
the government can buy our Thrift
stamps back from us?" said Dick, who
was just eight years old.
Eyes, you have the right idea about
it, replied the father.
"Well, why can't we turn in the
stamps and just call it square? If we
could do that could buy a soda. I've
got a dime" said Dick.
Dick was waiting for an answer, and
after much thinking, father reached
for his pocket, Here's another penny"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Arithmetic,

Charley, DEAR" said young Mrs. Tor
kins, would you mind helping me with
a little bit of arithmetic?'
'eNot at ALL"
"WeIl, if we pay the cook AL the
wages she wants will we have enough
money left to buy anything for her to
cook?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
NerVy.

"What are you writing, old manT'
Gan article entitled Advice to Grad.
uates.'"
"Eh. Advice to grad Well, of all
the presumption !'-Boston Evening
Transcript.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Her Investment,

81 made a good investment today"
THAT so, my dear? What was it"
81 saw hat for $50 in a store that
you couldn't buy anywhere else for
less than $40 and l invested in it."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
NothincneSS

Mrs. Tlimgilt thinks Of nothing but
Clothes" said the critical woman.
"Yes," answered the man who OBJ
serves specifically. "And after see
ing her costumed for ballroom or bath
ing beach l should say that when she
nothing"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Shades Of Meaning,

Jimmy had been caught red-handed.
His father grabbed him, and prepared
for action.
Jimmy wriggled frantically.
"Pa, pa, wait a minute!" he painted.
Didn't you tell the callers last night
that / couldn't be beaten for mis-
chief?"
That's just what I did, you young
rascal"
well, then, pa" gasped Jimmy,
"why are you beating me now2"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
cu+ie,1ra soap for the Complexion,

cutieura Soap for the Complexion.
Nothing better than Cuticura Soap
daily and Ointment now and then as
needed to make the complexion clear,
scalp clean and hands soft and white.
Add to this the fascinating, fragrant
Cuticura Talcum and you have the
Cuticura Toilet Trio.-Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Her Mistake.

Aunt-You should take more inter-
est in what is going on. Why don't
you read the newspapers so that you
can converse intelligeNtly with your
husband.
Young Wife-I tried to, but made
mistake. I read about the League
of Nations instead of the baseball
news.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Quite Near Enouuh.

Marjorie and her mother were out
shopping.
In one establishment the proprie-
tors dog, who liked children, came
over and stood beside her.
Marjorie told him to get away, but
he only moved closer.
The assistant asked her If she
didn't like dogs, and she replied:
81 like dogs all right, but likes
'em across the street, London An
gwers,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
A Lot Cheaper, Too.

The other day we were told how
good locusts were as food, and now an
exchange says: "Put cream and sugar
on fly and it tastes very much like
black raspberry"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

"Dick, darling" limited Mrs. Young.
bride, 'Slo you remember how we used
to sit on one chair at papa's?"
"That was all right at papa's." re-
piled the practical Dick, "but I'm not
going to forget that these chairs cost
me good money"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
7urnind the Worn,

Mrs. Henpeck-Now, dearie, be sure
to see that the suit you buy has coat
with a waist seam.
Henpeck (explosively)-Tll be"
Mrs. Henpeck (sharply)-You'n be
what?
Mr.. Henpecl (meekly)-Right in
style if I do.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Cold Water.

Little Girl-NIy father says he has
often seen you act.
Delighted Actress-What did he see
me in, dear?"
Little Girl-In the seventies.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
It Certainly Would.

"Pop.'"
"Yes, my SON"
"Who was Pocahontas?"
"She was an Indian princess of Vir-
yinia, who saved John Smiths life"
"Well, pop, it would be some con
tract if she was called upon to do that
same act for all the John Smiths to.
day, now, wouldn't it,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

CONSTIPATION generally indicates disordered
stomach liver and bowels. Wrlghts Indian
Vegetable Pills restore regularity without
gripping. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Foolish Question.

"Would you advise me to keep out
Of politics."
young man." replied Senator Sor-
ghum, you were born a citizen; the
voting privilege is yours whether you
desire it or not; you are going to be
taxed and generally. supervised by the
people you assist in electing to office.
There's no such thing as keeping out
of politics."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
PROVING an AIihi-

"Whut Lawya Attacks say bout
dem chickens you stole?"
"He say Aim Hble to go to Jail
less'n All git somebuddy to prove lie
by"-Cartoons.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Wouldn't Do.

"Now, getting down to brass tacks,"
continued the sideshow manager
"why-"
81 daren't," interrupted the Human
Ostrich, who had been i'll. "The doc
tor says 1 mustn't touch solid food for
at least a week yet"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
PERSONS OF ROYAL DESCENT
In Natural Course, Millions Might Lay
Claim to Blood Of William
the Conqueror.

There are more claims of descent
from William the Conqueror than from
any monarch in the world, and in most
cases a descendant of this king comes
down a line of Is or 90 other royal
personages, although sometimes the
descent from monarch to plain, un-
titled yeoman seems to have been ac-
complished in two or three genera
lions. There is practically no limit to
his descendants today and one geneal-
ogist says this fact is accounted for by
the statement that, according to the
regular proportion of increase in each
generation since his time, the descend
ants of William the Conqueror would
now number more than twice the pres
ent population Of the British isles. SO.
Of course, it is very easy to see how
many of them came over to thu United
States.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
The Wise Bird.

"The crows don't seem to pay any
attention to that scarecrow"
"No. The pesky critters thinks it's
one O them artists from the city
DRAWN pictur's. London Answers.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
He Wants to Know.

Senator, these ladies have collected
q lot of your speeches."
I'm"
Don't you feel flatteredT"
Dunno. Do they want EN- to read
or TO make bonfire with?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
To Drive Out Malaria

To Drive Out Malaria
And Build Up The System
Take the Old Standard GROVES TASTE
LESS chill TONIC. You know what you
are taking, as the formula is printed on
. every label, showing it is QUININE and
IRON in tasteless form. The Quinine drives
out the malaria, the Iron builds up the
system. Price soc.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Why Investigate?

"What's that you say?"
There's too much futile investiga-
ton going on
That's right. Eat your hash. Never
mind what's In it,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
TN A1aiHSf II

'How are you getting along with the
semaphore system in Plunkville?"
'We'd get along all right" said the
Plupkrille policeman, IF we could Just
seep rrcels {g"t~ stsaiina rur ss.sss
skarRa."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Didn't Want Ii hy Heart.

Five-year-old Dorothy was watching
her aunt drink a glass of milk. Upon
being offered some she said: "Oh, no,
I never drink milk by heart; I only
like it with tea or coffee"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
How's This =?

We offer $4,000 for any case Of catarrh
that cannot be cured by HALLS
CATARRH MEDICINE.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE is talk
en- internally and acts through the Blood
on the Mucous Surfaces of the System.
Sold by druggists for over forty years.
Price 75c. Testimonials free.
+. j. Cheney & Co.. Toledo, Ohio.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
What He Got for Cut Finger.

Jennie-What did your mother do
for your cut finger, Stanley?
Stanley-She didn't do nothin' but
lick me for cuttin' it.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
History.

'You say your son is great stu
dent of history?"
"Yes"
"But I never see him paying much
attention to books"
"No. He is willing to let bygones
be bygones. He gets the really impor-
tant history fresh every day in the
newspaper"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Money is like strong drink; mighty
few men know enough to quit when
they've got enough.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

In the United Kingdom there are
said to be 100000 spinsters with nc
hope of marriage.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Wheat for Mexico.

Argentina is offering to Mexico at
low prices 100000 kilos of wheat. l.
100000 kilos of oats, and 5000 bar
rels of corn.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
lmpoSsibIe,

"Why don't Bits relatives put
good face on his marriage?"
Put a good face on it! Have you
seen the girl's?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Hard to Guess Why.

Wonder why spinster can never
remember anything that happened
good many years ago?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
SAVINGS Banks Boominu,

The savings banks of this country
have more than 100000 depositors.-
Los Angeles Times.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Adam fell in love with Eve-and the
fall of man has been a continuous per.
Torrance from that day to Mis-.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Auto-Wash Cake

1t cleans, briGhtens, is harmless to paint
and TGrnsil. Economical and efficient. One
cake will wash your twelve to fifteen
times. Keep it looking new and clean. Used
by some Of the largest garages in New York
City. Sent direct from our factory to you.
Price 80 cents, postpaid. AUTO-WASH
CO. 500. Pacific Street, Brooklyn, n. v.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Tin From Malay.

The amount of tin exported from
the Federated Malay States in the
last year was $3.50 tons, valued at
$51 ,520,532
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Lift off Corns!
Doesn't hurt bit and Freezone
costs only a few cents.

With your fingers! You can lift off
any hard corn. soft corn, or corn be-
tween the toes, and the hard skin cal
fuses from bottom of feet.
A tiny bottle of ''Freezone" costs
little at any drug store; apply few
drops upon the corn or callus. In
stantly it stops hurting, then shortly
you lift that bothersome corn or callus
right off, root and all, without one bit
Of pain or soreness. Trulyl No hum
bug ADV
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Occasionally some young man at.
tempts to make the mare go by invest
ing a lot of money in wild oats.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
When HIoft-

II was just reading that an Eng
fish clergyman has become an aviator"
"A high churchman, eh?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

When a man marries a girl for her
beautiful face and graceful form the
Joke is apt to be on him later.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
A Wonder.

'Do you swear, little boy?"
mo, but say, you just ought to hear
my old man."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

The average man doesn't waste any
politencSS on his wife.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
Too Much Optimism,

An optimist, too much inclined
To sing a lazy song,
Dreamed on; and then woke up to find
That he was in all wrong
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Do all the good you can and you
will find this is not such a bad old
world.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
They Failed.

OF verey hundred men called fall
ures ninety-seven have been lukewarm
in their work,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Wisconsin Early in Field,
The practice Of law by women was
legalized by the Wisconsin legislature
in 1877.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

While In the act of acquiring black
eye man is apt to see a lot of stars
that are unknown to astronomers,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

The occasional use Of Roman Eye Balsam
ut night upon retiring will prevent and
lieve tired, watery eyes, and eye strain Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
What is Castoria

What is Castoria
ASTORIA is harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Paregoic,
Soothing pleasant neither
Opium, Morphine Its
For than thirty been for the relief
Of Constipation Fency Wind Diarrha aaying Feverh
arising the-efro regulating Stomach and Rwes,
aids the assimilation of Food; giving healthy and natural Sleep
The Chidrens Panacea-The Mothers Friend
The Kind Have Always Bought which has been in
his its Aloy one to deceive you
trfe with and endanger the health of Infants and IF
Children-Experience against Experiment. ~ <ZZENzA
c<Zy LL[<EW
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

He who murders forest is Indirect
ly guilty Of homicide.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Several rivers in Siberia flow consid-
erable distances under ice.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Anyway, the man who boasts of his
ability as liar isn't hypocrite.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Real widows and grass widows sym
pathize with one another, but why they
do it is a mystery.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
= g TONIC
@ FCR YOUR ACID-STOMACD
Received $50, 900 for a
$50 Job

A New Yurk lawyer did some legal work for an
Arizona mining man. The fee fifty dollars. Instead
OF taking cast be took shares in mine whose stock
was then selling for few cents share.
a few years later he sold the stock for S3s, oco
Today it is worth $4,000.
Read ebout this and others in our FREE booklet
HOW MILLIONS ARE MADE IN THE NEW YORK
CURB MARKET WITHOUT RISK" Il shows how
to buy and sell listed securities and points out some
wonderful opportunities for big profits this fall in
should send for a copy.
INVESTMENT SECURITIES co,
Dept. M.51.5s Maiden Lane, New York
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

Some people can't even be crazy
without attracting attention.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12
INDIGESTION
Caused by
Acid Stomach

A1illion7 OF peopie-in fact about 8 out of
10-suifer or less from indigestion.
acute chronic. Nearly every is
caused BY Acid-Stomach.
There other stomach disorders which
also signs of Observation-Disclosures
ing, heartburn, bloat after eating, food re-
peatiug, sour, gassy stomach. There are
many ailments which, while they do not
cause rluch distress in the stomach itself.
are, nevertheless, traceable to acid
stomach. Among these are nervousness,
biliousness, crrhosis OF the liver, rheuma-
tism, Impoverished blood. weakness, insom-
mia, nelancholia and q long train OF phys
tcal and mental miseries that keep the
victims in miserable health year after year.
The right thing to do is to attack these
ailments at their source-get rid of the acid
stomach. A wonderful modern remedy called
EATONIC now makes it easy to do this.
One OF hundreds of thousands of grateful
users CT EATONIC writes: 81 have been
troubled with intestinal indig estion for about
nine years and have spent quite a sum for
medicine. but without relief. After using
EATONIC for few days the gas and pains
in my bowels disappeared. EATONIC is just
the remedy I needed"
We have thousands Of letters telling Of
these marvellous benefits Try EATONIC and
you, too, will be just as enthusiastic in its
praise.
Your druggist has EATONIC. Get a big
soc box from him today He will refund
your If Won satisfied
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1919-09-12

w. N. u, BALTIMORE, NO. ss--1s1s.
The evening Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1918-1920, 1919-04-04

Well, it's time we begin laying
aside the dough to buy the presents
for the June brides and the sweet girl
graduates.