The patriot. (Glenmora, La.) 1918-1955, 1919-12-05
A Wonderful
Wife
By R. RAY BAKER

paper Syndicate.)
i Gary Hazard, dramatic critic of the
Morning Star, scowled into the cloud
of tobacco smoke for which his long
curve-stemmed pipe was responsible.
mo use," he sighed as he tore a
sheet from his typewriter and cast
it into the waste-basket. II simply
can't make The girl out good yaude-
| Whilst. She's wonderful to look at,
but when they put her on the vaude-
Vile stage they spoiled a fine wife,"
His face took on little smile as he
sat there at his desk In the editorial
| room. He was In hurry to finish
his criticism, or rather the printers
were in hurry to get 1t, so they
| could close up the theatrical page.
But somehow he just couldn't seem
to go on with his work.
All about him was noise. Type
writer's wed with telegraph instru-
ments in a contest of sound. and
every now and then the linotypes
would chip in with their musical
| tinkle-tinkle whenever some one opened
the door to the composing room.
The city editor was roaring into
telephone. repeating for the fifth
time the words: 81 didn't get that
last name; will you please spell it?"
The state editor was bowling into an
Eother phone, and the telegraph and
news editors were arguing rather
loudly over the size of head for the
League Of Nations story.
In the midst of this apparent con-
fusion Gary sat at his machine and
dreamed about the girl he had seen
an hour and half ago on the EN-
press vaudeville stage,
Gary did not try to delude himself.
He realized he was In love with the
girl; had renowned possession Of his
heart the moment she skipped onto the
stage, and the worse her act became as
It progressed the more deeply Gary
became enmeshed In her charms. The
girl fitted the mental picture of his
ideal In features, height, gesture and
voice. And yet her act was absolutely
impossible. 5
That was why Garyss hands lin
gered on the keys Of his typewriter.
He could not bear to give his honest
opinion ais to Mildred Harris0n's act
Mildred Harrison In q Whirlwind Of
Song, Dance and Merriment.p Twice
be started to write complimentary
words, and once he thought seriously
Of emitting mention Of her in his re
view. but quickly changed his mind
when he realized the omission would
be more noticeable than q few words
of adverse criticism. AS to the COM
pliments that he wanted to write,
and which he knew her act did not de-
serve well, he simply couldn't write
a lie. He knew, and everybody else
at the theater that evening knew. that
Mildred Harrison was a failure on the
vaudeville stage. as was evidenced by
the tittering heard during the would-be
serious moments Of her program and
the forced "haw, haw, haw when she
endeavored to be witty.
"How did they ever let her on the
stage2v he asked himself. Surely she
must have had big pull with the
powers that be- <.
Well, 1t was inevitable. He was
paid money to give his honest opinion
as to the acts on the bill, and he
owed It to his paper and also to the
theater-going public to do just that.
Besides. he would be doing the girl
a favor By telling her in print that
she was failure behind the foot
fights. SO he finally wrote:
Miss Mildred Harrison is very
attractive girl, with an enhancing per-
sonallty, but when II comes to vaude-
vile dear Miss Harrison. may it not
be suggested that you try some other
means OF earning living? As q
vaudevillist. Miss Harrison, you are
not-well, you would make some
young man a wonderful wife"
Cary finished his criticism and hand
ed IT TO the city editor, through whose
hands 1t must pass. Then he went
back to his machine.
APve killed that girl as far as her
stage career Is concerned" he sighed.
s.Her Job expires tomorrow morning
there's no doubt Of that, becausevaude-
vile fans take the Star as their Bible.
AAnd It also ends my Job. After
this I'm through. People may think
les fun slammIng stage folk, but 1t
isn't. It's better to be one"
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