Evening journal., 1919-08-01
WHERE'S OLD MELON
OF YEARS GONE BY
Shaped and Sombered
Green Gourds Are
Now Offered
CsNfALc UPlS, TOO,
ARE LOSING BRAINS

What became OF schneider's dog; how
for the East is from The West; what
became e. the lost tribe OF Israel; what
Is the square Of a circle; who invented
hash; where is the memorial monu-
ment project slumbering and all those
other brain-testing things, some Of
which have been handed down from
generation to generation, have had an
addition 10 The family
What has become OF that spherical
poem OF cetaceans, that symmetrical
symphony Of the erampus family-in
plain, unadulterated noninioXicating
language, where. oh, phere, is that JOY
OF our clildhool-the round water
melon?
Mamie has been promising George
for two weeks 10 cut a melon. right on
the ice aud an that Every evening
George comes home from his eight
hours Of toll all set for the ceremony.
Saliyary glands are properly agilated.
Palate is aquiyer But no melon.
Mamie was sorry; very sorry, she told
George so, but Mamie just simply can
not find anything that bears any re-
0tiinidHib 10 luf iltioiio VI Nf0tll af'A o.
''Wassa troubleg' inquired George
finally.
Cant get anything but these over
grown cucumbers.' sighed Mamie.
Hub %
II say | can't get anything but these
elongated gourds that look like
daschhund With the legs amputated
Ihey-are all longitude and no eircum
ference When we We're youngsters and
used TO shoot seeds duwn. each others
nccks watermeions were honest and
substantial looking. They had an
equatorial zone that any butcher would
he proud OF and were striped like a re-
spetcab!e tabby cal"
sure agreed George.
"Well treasure the memory" admon-
ished Mamie, for they are extinct
gone fuzzy, flzzled There amt no such
animal
And apparently Mamie Is right i
With the watermelon season on,
more than one housewife has been |
looking IN vain for The old familiar /
balloon-shaped product OF the cucuroH- I
taccons vine. They seemto have adopted
the drigible type entirely. TO the eX-
clusion OF fthe spherical styles And The .
stripes that afforded pleasing ex-
icrior have given place TO a sombre |
green. Is This another effect OF the /
war; or has some Burbank been F.
with one sacred institu-
tlons9
And as II that were not enough. /
somebody has been tampering with the
cantaloupes What has become OF the I
that had such generous /
It was the fashion TO slice
them mp and serve as golden new
moonsg There was A time when the
cantaloupe had an ambition TO vie with
cerned, but alas, that day, too, has /
faded Nowadays the tennis ball seems 1
10 be the object OF emulation. The can /
Ialoupe has dwindled away to the vest I
pocket size.
Mamie and George are getting dog
gOned peeyed over the situation and
here are whole armies OF melon dew
)tees who are IN the same boat. II
are going 10 get in the
,tringbean class and cantaloupes
'hriyel TO goeseberry size, life is going
o take on a drab prospect. No won
Ter the colored population Is getting
'estless and riotous. Congenital predl-
eciion for the Dubious fruit Is too
serious 10 be trifled with II the world
5 going to be kept safe for democracy.
New Jersey, Delaware and Maryland
must recognize theiN responsibilities
This is no time for trimlng with na-
lure or natures children. The. public !
wants its old-fashioned watermelous
md canlaloupes, and proposes TO get /
hem. II we have 10 get Senator /
Borah TO amend the league OF nations
covenant to do IT,
Is Il not so?