The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-04-03

| ~ shave you pay for
| O, dear, no~-yot
/ - pay for lot O.
unnecessary work which he, doe.
| preliminary work. and the foo
questions he asks. For instance,
was bein' operated ION onct by bar.
Der. He was very solicitous for my
comfort. He lathered and sponge
and talked until Jle thought he hao
me in a comatose condition. Their
he got his razor. He gave one swipe
with it and then came the inevltabie
question, docs it pulp" By that
time l had recovered sufficiently
(from the anesthetic) to reply, mo
the razor don't pull; but my whiskers
do"
notice that the powers that be
are goin' to (try) make Germany re-
place the forest which they de-
stroyed. By golly, | hope they make
'em replace some of the clothes l
wore out while workin' to raise
beans to help win the war. P. S.
Beans were quite factor in the war,
now | tell we.
H A deacon Tin Kansas) is quoted
as saying that beer" (do you get
me) lin large quantities is a sure
cure for the hiccoughs.' By goily,
l feel an attack of 'hick-ups' comm
on. Will someone please tap key
of beer? No need OF tin cup. Just
let me wrap my countenance around
the bung hole.
Signs Of Spring. Yes, have seen
a blue bird Qast year.) There have
been quite few robbins" Gin Kan
sas City, and my silk underwear has
begun to irritate my hide so much
that l have to lean against a post
frequently and-scratch.
/ 1t has been said (and l believe it
to be true) that chain is no strong
er than, its weakest link-and so
when | see a woman wearin' big
heavy cloak with furs about her neck
and her hands Cup to her elbows) in
a big inuff, and her-ankles exposed,
(clear to her knees) | can't help
wonderin' ii she is any warmer than
her coolest parts.
A cat may look at a king. Yes.
But cat can't look at an emperor.
why not?' you ask and I answer
simply because there are no emper-
| OTIS 10 TOOK at.
On bein' asked what thought of
the daylight savin' plan and the
League of Nations, replied that
both of EN- looked plumb foolish to
me (and some other smart men, but
that ! was for what the majority of
the people wanted, right or wrong.
Listen--lm off the water wagon.
! Yes-siree. No more water for muh.
The water company is pumpin
| water dogs" from the creek: If that
sort of thing wouldn't drive man
to drink something 'else) what
would?
1t is said there are 1900 sorts of
Lizards in the world. Aw. bosh |
saw more than that many different
sorts Of Lizards out in Arizona. I
I shore did. (Yes, and + was sober.
too.)
\ friend suggested that desist
from knocking the medical profess
sion. why so:," says |. Well he
replied, you might get sick and
need doctor and if you should send
for one and he refused to come, how
would YOU ieel?" well, now, III
be plumb honest with you (for
once). Id icel that my chances for
an early recovery were about one
hundred per cent better.
One day | felt quite poorly,
(Said the Doctor) go to bed!'
But | quickly tumbled to his little
game.
So ] took him by the collar
Pitched him out, upon his head
And the Doctor bill he longed Tor
never came.
If a measure now before the legs-
lature becomes law compelling car
owners to put up $1,000 bond be-
fore they are permitted to run said
car, l know one Ford" operator
who is goin' out of business
''pronto." Too much like putin a
$4,000 saddle on a $1,000 boss.
Clothes don't make a man. No,
but clothes make it possible for lot
of swine who have gotten upon their
hind legs to appear as men.
One party says he has read Sum
beams so long and so diligently
Crying to find some sense in 'cm)
that he has become so cross eyed
that when he cries the tears run
down his back.
Another one said he began readin'
Sunbeams in order to drown his
trouble, but that now he is tryin' to
find something to drown Sunbeams
or their author.
Still another says that it must have
been a direct interposition of Provi- |
dence that the country has gone dry
las Sunbeams would drive any one
(of any sepse) to drink. P. S.-En-
couragin', amt it?
When people say mean, hateful |
things about you, pay no attention. |
Just console yourself with the |
thought that those who know you
won't believe the vile stories and |
that it may be the means of keeping |
some people away from you who |
might not prove to be desirable ac-
quaintances."
And now we, must subscribe to the |
near East fund" Well. by goily, |
if things don't change (for the bet
teri very soon. will have to ask
somebody TO suhscrihe IN n "ne,rt