Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1919-12-18
A Wonderful
Wife
copyright, 1919, by the Mcclure News
paper Syndicate.)
By R. RAY BAKER

VCopyright, 1919, py tne cClur news
paper S~yndicate.)
Gary Hazard, dramatic critic of the
Morning Star, scowled into the cloud
of tobacco smoke for which his long
eurve-stemmed pipe was responsible.
mo use," he sighed as he tore a
sheet from his typewriter and cast
1t into the waste-basket. II simply
can't make the girl out a good vaude-
Whilst. She's wonderful to look at,
but when they put her on the vaude-
vile stage they spoiled a fine wife,"
His face took on a little smile as he
sat there at his desk in the editorial
room. He was in a hurry to finish
his criticism, OF rather the printers
were in a hurry to get it, so they
could close up the theatrical page.
But somehow he just couldn't seem
to go on with his work.
All about him was noise. Type
writer's We'd with telegraph instru-
ments in a contest of sound, and
every now and then the linotypes
would chip in with their musical
tinkle-'inkle whenever some one opened
the dc r to the composing room.
The ity editor was roaring into
a telephone. repeating for the fifth
time the words: II didn't get that
last name; will you please spell it?"
The state editor was bowling into an
other phone, and the telegraph and
news editors were arguing rather
loudly owe the size of a head for the
League of Nations story.
In the midst of this apparent con
fusion Gary sat at his machine and
dreamed about the girl he had seen
an hour and a half ago on the EN-
press vaudeville stage.
Gary did not try to delude himself.
He realized he vas in love with the
girl; mad renowned possession Of his
heart the moment she skipped onto the
stage, and the worse her act became as
1t progressed the more deeply Gary
became enmeshed in her charms. The
girl fitted the mental picture of his
ideal in features, height, gesture and
voice. And yet her act was absolutely
impossible.
That was why Gary's hands lin
gered on the keys Of his typewriter.
He could not bear to give his honest
opinion as to Mildred Harrison's act
Mildred Harrison In a Whirlwind Of
Song, Dance and Merriment." Twice
he started to write complimentary
words, and one he thought seriously
of emitting mention of her in his re
view, but quickly changed his mind
when he realized the omission would
be more noticeable than a few words
Of adverse criticism. AS to the COM
pliments that he wanted to write,
and which he knew her act did not de-
serve-well, he simply couldn't write
a lie. He knew, and everybody else
at the theater that evening knew, that
Mildred Harrison was a failure on the
vaudeville stage, as was evidenced by
the tittering heard during the would-be
serious moments of her program and
the forced 'haw, haw, haw" when she
e~ndeavored to be witty.
"How did they ever let her on the
stageW he asked himself. Surely she
must have had a big pull with the
powers that be-"
Well, it was inevitable. He was
paid money to give his honest opinion
a to the acts on the bill, and he
owed it to his paper and also to the
theater-going public to do just that.
Besides, he would be doing the girl
a favor by telling her in print that
she was a failure behind the foot
lights. So he finally wrote:
"Miss Mildred Harrison is a very
attractive girl, with an enhancing per-
sonality, but when it comes to vaude-
ville-dear Miss Harrison, may it not
be suggested that you try some other
means Of earning a living? AS a
vaudevillist, Miss Harrison, you are
not-Well, you would make some
young man a wonderful wife,"
Gary finished his criticism and hand
ed it to the city editor, through whose
hands it must pass. Then he went
back to his machine.
1--WE killed that girl as far as her
stage career is concerned" he sighed.
"Her job expires tomorrow morning
there's no doubt of that, because vaude-
vile fans take the Star as their Bible"
sand 1t also ends my job, After
shis I'm through. People may think
IT'S fun slamming stage folk, but it
isn't. It's better to be one"
He wrote his resignation, to take
effect in two weeks, and went home
to bed. The next evening he went
to the office early, and was greeted
by the managing editor, who in
formed him coldly that his resigna-
tIon was to take immediate effect as
his position already had been filed.
Now, Gary was a vaudevillist him
self. Two years before he had been
popular on the stage, and had quit
the game only because he had grown
tired Of the constant hopping from
one town to another. There was a
standing offer for his services right
now, however, AKA he at once wired
to the booking office-and received a