The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-03-19
MEN, WOMEN
AND THINGS

There is an old saying: THE fish lead
a pleasant life-they drink when they
like"-but no man in Alabama is no"
able to drink like a fish. for there is
drouth in the land.
! Some seem TO have hopes that a cloud
nUbigger than a mans hand portends
time when light wines" and beer VIII
be permitted to be sold to quench the
thirst of the weary ones who are now
treading the Saharic sands of enforced
Temperance.
| II you can't find it in the Bible it ID
generally a good bet that William
Shakespeare never overlooked it, and so
| the bard of Avon is responsible for the
saying: The three-hooped pot shall
have 10 hoops, and will make it fell
ony to drink small beer" It has about
come to this.
1t was Johnson, made immortal by
/ Boswell, who remarked with his usual
good sense, I'm vino veritas," is an ar
gument for drinking only when you sup
pose all men to be liars. If a man had
| to be "soused'' in order to tell the truth,
1t puts too high premium on drunken
| ness.
! Now, this is not to be temperance
! tract. Neither is 1t given out to point
a moral or adorn tale" 1t is intended
only to play around subject which IL
much in the public mind just at present,
when a dry wave is sweeping over this
land and those living in prohibition ter
ritory are put to it to get their usual
supply of drinkables.
| L ran across a right good grape juice
story which goes to show there is nothing
new under the sun, for grape juice was
a favorite drink long before William Jen-
nings Bryan advertised 1t SO extensively
I was dipping in an English book written
| by great literary professor and medical
doctor who in calling attention to the
fact the name for wine, delightful pois-
on" is not new broke what was to me
working good story. will condense it.
| 1t appears that delightful poison"
| nickname for wine, is as old as the
foundation of Persepolis, and that our
modern expression, "pixen,' as applied
| to certain fermented drinks, is as old as
the hills. Jemsheed was fond Of grapes
| Ferdusi tells, and once, when grapes went
out of season, stored UP for himself some
jars Of grape juice. After a time he got
/ 70 hut "a
mentation had set in, and he spat the
| juice out, for it had nasty taste, but
not until enough of it had gone down his
throat to give him stomache. Being
a prudent man, to prevent others from
being made i'll, he had each jar labelled,
| Poison
Now comes in fate. for one of his nu'
merous wives, sickening of life, concluded
she would end 1t, and stealthily took
copious draught from one of the poisonous
| jars. Then a queer thing happened, for
| instead of killing her, it transformed her
| sorrow into joy. Now, she was woman
in ten thousand, for she kept her secret,
and drank every drop in the marked jars.
Husband Jemsheed. finding his Jars
empty and his wife's temper improved,
caught on to the idea that possibly he
was bit hasty in giving up drinking
| fermented grape juice, and wine soon be-
gan to flow in his household.
/, hope a certain friend of mine will,
read this yarn, for when the saloons and
wholesale whisky houses went out Of
business in Birmingham a few years
back, he bought a case of the best old
bourbon on the market and put it away
in his own private closet. Now, the joke
is, he did not drink himself. but got II
to be able to offer his friends. Several
months after he had stored it away, he
asked an old acquaintance out to dinner,
Land knowing he liked his toddy, he took
him up to supply his need. He opened
one bottle and it was empty. To hasten
to the sad ending, each of the - bottles
had been drained by his butler and tho
corks carefully reinserted.
Some people are saying that it is just
as easy to get drink now as in the old
days, but they are not the ones who
drink, for while there is liquor to be had,
it comes high and is of very poor and
dangerous variety. A few months back
had in my pocket pint bottle bear
Ting the name of a well-known brand.
friend of mine saw it and was shocked
that 1 should be toting it around so
openly, and he questioned me as to wha.
lit was l laughingly replied that it was
only bottle of gin / was carrying HON:
for medicinal purposes. Seeing his real
concern, l finally owned up that it waa
a bottle of gasoline. "Well." said he, "lt
is just as good and equally as harmless
as anything you can get in Birmingham
at present
| | reckon my nephew. Mercer Barnett.
viii cut my acquaintance for springing
the following on him. but there is no use
lin the big Kiwanis chief camouflagins.,
for his friends know that occasionally he
can be made to swallow a high ball with
out anybody having to hold his nose OF
force it down his throat 1t seems my
younger brother was spending the night
with him, and, getting up a bit in advance
of him. in roofing around in top drawer