The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-03-10
'SECUn|rG A MEAL IS
A DIFFICULT ART
Eating with Relish Is Acquired by
Science Gained Only After Long
Residence.
RIPPER is VARIETY OF FISH.
Comes from Water and May Have
Been Inhahitant of Stream Once.
y But THY y naR'tssDI 49,
BY Robert yyelies Richie.

London, March THE art OF ac-
curing a meal in London. what with
an estimated surplus population OF
more than a million mouths, the war
restrictions on food still largely III
force and the kind accommodating
walters just adjusting themselves to
a strike they have lost, ranks we'll up
with playing the Oboe, selling bonds
on Wall Street or any other difficult
accomplishment of a polished and re-
fined character Once the meal Is
secured, eating it with relish Is, for
the American at least, an acquired
science which is gained only after
long residence.
Which Is meant In no disparage-
ment of the British cousin: like tine
brave fireman. hes doing the best
he can" But for him the boiled ap-
pie pudding of ancient and we'll
merited fame is sweet" and not an
atrocity which barely escaped men
ton in the Bryce report on Belgium.
Therefore the British cousin cracks
jokes about how terrible LIS the
American bacon he has been getting
and the American cousin sits In a
dark corner OF the smoke room at the
Savoy and holds imaginary CONVERSE
tons with a waiter back on Broadway
about "a nice thick steak, George,
OF butter about as big as an egg on
top of the baked spud; and chase a
quarter section OF apple pie with cof-
fee and cream after the regular pro-
cession has marched past.
These bleak Americans who have
reached the talking to- themselves
stage are the hopeless case who ought
to be sent back home on the first hos
pital ship. They will never be them
selves again until they have been al
lowed to have cream--real cream
on their breakfast picture puzzle oats
and a fleet Of hot waffles sailing In
a sweet sea Of maple syrup. A few
more "kippers'' for breakfast win be
fatal to these birds
A Ripper ushers In the gladstone
new day In London for everybody
banker, chimney sweep and plain
American exile. To describe kip
per" Is as hopeless as to attempt a
description OF the grand canyon. 1t
was once fish; that much 10 certain
and beyond per adventure OF a doubt.
But 1t WAS an unfortunate Ash and
spent too long q time in London dur
ing the winter season. thereby ac-
curing general smoked charac-
teristic and little habits Of its own
which set 1t apart from all other fish
usually considered lit for human con-
sumption.
Eat Ripper or Cob.
The Ripper" Is eaten with the
fork except at my hotel where there
being large clientele of military men
who are born souvenir collectors,
silver is slack. There the "kipper' is
eaten right off the cob. you might
say. With Il goes very small por-
ton OF orange marmaIade served in a
butter dish. Not that orange mar
malade necessarily lis tho gustatory
partner of the kippered kewpie: bur
orange marmaiade is what one has.
II the marmalade has curious
tinny taste like the queen Charlotte
you used to drink before the ring
| the-cans rack at the Canadaiguu
county fair that's not the original sill
of the original oranges. Its sac
charine--
And speaking OF saccharine--
In France 1t comes in a liquid form,
served In q bottle with n squirter at
tached on top like a BARRIERS tonic
container. In England tbs tablet
small and deadly tablet reminiscent
of the pellets mother used TO dissolve
in hot water to XIII those things''
with. When you order zone large
white" which is interpreted coffee
with diluted condensed milk served In
a large cup---the waiter leaves by
your place a butter plate.
This little plate appears entirely in
nocent until close inspection reveals
one OF these tiny high power bonn ns
of sweetness-500 times sweeter than
sugar--reposing in its midst.
The hardened poison hound drops
this pill In his coffee or tea and idly
watches the angry bubbles that boil
upward. Perhaps, early In the war
the saccharine fiend had certain trem-
ors before his first sip--visions OF can
Ger or slow death by bone SPAWN
fitted across his mental retina. Blu,
today he Is proof against all lethal
draughts. Bouillon made OF an ex.
tract of T. ". T. would be a mere ap-
petizer for the real saccharine addict
There's another condensed version OF
tho real thing solved In London which
makes the average American almos,
forget there Is really a Santa Claus;
that's the apple tart which comes after
the boiled mutton. the boiled pota.
toes. the boiled napkin and the-~none
too seldom--boiled walter.
Tart Resembles League.
The apple tart of old England re.
sembles the league of nations mas.
much as its mighty good In theory but
not very long for substance. ANY
American knowing that tart" is the
English slang word for real pie. leaps
from his chair when his eye strike.
this tid-bit lurking amidst the list oil
sweets on the menu and orders il
forthwith. Alas and alack a day,
Apples on the hoof bring 10 cents
apiece here In old Lundon and In q
months residence have never seer
the dried. or jerked variety If you
addicted to mathematics 81 a pastime
do little calculation and discover how
much of an apple you will discover
between the upper and lower lids OF
the sarcophagus of an apple tart cost
Ing six pence, say, when a whole ap-
pie retails at nearly twice six pence.
,In.,-a very ,over-advsrtised eating