Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-01-12

OWN PEACE TERMS
Tired Of Waiting on Paris,
Agrees on Fourteen Points
as Officers Are Installed.
SATIRE ON MANY TOPICS

Weary of waiting for the Paris con
fereeSto reach peace settlement
newspaper men framed peace pro-
gram of their own. by way of satire
in connection with the installation of
new officers at the National Press
Club last evening.
Among the fourteen teens agreed
upon were independence for Poland
Rumania. Serbia and Congress" "ail
peace treaties between John Barrett
and William J. Bryan to stand for
one year except in case of war be-
tween them" and free navigation
between here and Baltimore"
Two Must Have Dress Suit.
Theodore FILLER. former president OF
the club. attired in what he called d
Tom Hefiin Prince Albert" admins
ing president, Earl Goodwin, and re-
minded him that "the club member
ship has learned with horror that
while you were in the Army training
camp you either lost or hooked your
dress suit 1t is absolutely required
under our constitution that two per
sons here shall own dress suit--the
president of the club and the head
waiter or doorman on ladies' nights.
If you have no dress suit and are un-
able to buy one the club will arrange
universal transfers between yourself
and Brent, our dark-skfnned door
man."
Called on in the course Of chalk
talk by Felix Mahony. Uncle Joe
Cannon, habitue and domino star of
the club, explained how. though he
never had been strong on telling
- 81 hA fat ~
of being one Of the foremost racon-
tours in public life
"At a Gridiron dinner one night"
he said. II told the newspaper boys
that when they had good story and
didn't know who to hang 1t on TO
since I have enjoyed reading stories
about myself. Goodness only knows
where that latest one. about officer
wearing spurs so their feet would not
slip off their desks. came from.
'.And the cartoonists-my. / owe
would have known my beauty OF coz
tour and force Of intellect had II not
been for them.
Makes "Bone-Dry Speech"
Theodore Tiiler also contributed a
''bone-dry speech"
while statesmen in Europe discuss
the league OF nations and the indie
pendence of Paderewski and the
Poles, the District Of Columbia Is .ap,-
preaching a drought Of alarming and
dfstressfuI Duration" he said. TT is
our contention that there is no issue
before the Versailles peace confer
ence more pressing than the predica-
ment of the District. Here are men
cut Off in the prime Of their drinking
Mr.. Tiller furthermore asserted that
an to, y1f
one way and drink another
Early in the evening the proceed
ines were interrupted by the reading
of '.cabIegram'' by, Maurice Judd
from George Creel, ordering that the
meeting be adjourned until he and
his ''eoterie of bird dog chaserss cen
sor the peace terms. Upon report
that the cable and wireless had
broken down under government OWL
ership the meeting continued
Settle Mooted Questions
A colloquy between Earl Goodwin
and Archibald Mattingly developed
"ouestion-what is the difference
between a cabinet meeting ana
cuckoo clock?
"Answer-The clock says cuckoo
and the cabinet me, too
"ouestion-What is the Constitu
ton?
ANSWER don't know, but Joe
Bailey has made living out Of II
for twenty years.
"Question-What is the difference be-
tween Benjamin Franklin ana ALBEIT
Sidney Burleson?
benjamin Franklin started the mail
service and All Burleson finished it.
Peace terms as finally promulgated
through Stanley Reynolds called for i'm
mediate and permanent disarmament OF
Cants or Lieuts Archibald Mattingly.
SeyiIlon Brown. Earl Goodwin Privates
Robert Dougan and Robert Wood. the
head waiter, and Maj. Pullman.
The officers installed were: Earl God
win, president; Mark Goodwin. vice
president; Jesse Cottrell. secretary
John b. Smallwood. treasurer. and Rob
ert Armstrong, financial secretary.