The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1919-09-12
guilty or not guilty."

guilty or not guilty?"
A; Not guilty. Won Tirpitz, Hin
denburg, Lundendorff, Mackensen.
B,.ethmann-Hollweg and nv five sons
did it. j can prove an alibi."
@. THE allied police insist YOU are
the right man. We will proceed with
August l, 1914"
a. =! don't remember."( Aside, to
self: Il wish I didn't.")
y. You are charged with starting
a world war on that date"
A. ooh, that's different REGAL,
perfectly where l was. I was fishing
tor herring in the North Sea. / had
lett strict orders back home at INV
o1iice not to start anything, and had
told the office boy to call the police If
any generals got to hanging around
the works."
- You were surprised to hear,
that war nd started?"
A. "Posilutely! have always hated
war l hate war now worse than ever.
1T made me what l am today. | hone
you're satis'-"
sf }Mqdge Graphing for ;, order)-"No|
-. What did you do when you
heard war had started?"
n. sent a postcard right home
ordering it stopped, but Hindy andl
Ludey and the bunch refused to read
y. AS matter of fact, didn't YOU
address your troops, lauding the war
and telling them it would be over be-
fore autumn leaves fell?"
A. N didn't say what autumn. You'll
can't hold that against me-"
Q: DO you recall one Karl Ros-
A. with great excitement). Don't
that mans name here
object! Do ANYTHING else, but don't
mention Rosner."
y; Were you correctly reported
BY him in speeches about the good
German sword, peace by force, croak-
ing frogs, your bleeding heart, the
despised British army, etc, etc?"
A. Everything Rosner wrote was
wrong. l was misquoted. He was a |
rotten press agent. You oughta try
him and Ludey and Hindy and the rest
OF the bunch instead of me. amt
never done nuth'n to nobody, no
time?
Judge-T warned you against sing
ing in court"
Q. did you order unrestricted
U-boat warfare"
A. "Who, me?'
Counsel-"Yes, YOU"
A. mo; it was Won Tirpitz. He and
Rosney and Hindy and Ludey and the |
office boy und Colt did all this stuff |
Y cure trying the wrong man. Myl
heart bleeds for fair"
yudge-"Cut out the speeches. BILL
=, Did you originate the goose
a. 81 originated it, but Foch ruined
Q. "Do you believe in the divine
light of emperors?"
A.. THAT another thing Rosner GOT
ne in Dutch on. He took down NV
speech wrong. Hindy and Ludey and
Won Tirpitz and my five sons believed
N those things, but I never did. I'm
a pain, handwriting woodchopper,
and lover of wood vilets. never
harmed anybody. Why, INV heart |
oleeds for"
Foreman of the Jury-"Your honor,
II its all the same to you we'd like to |
render a verdict now. The strain of |
listening to this person is too much"
Judge-"I'm sick of listening to him
myself Return your verdict"
Jurors in Unison-"We find him
guilty on all charges"
Judge-"Bull, or rather, Bill, YOU
hear the verdict. l sentence you to |
SPEND THE REST OF YOUR
NATURAL LIFE IN AMERICA |
Or SOME OTHER BONE DRY |
COUNTRY, your only pleasure to
consist Of listening to photographic
reports of your war speeches"
Wilhelmn-I would like to read
this prepared speech"
Jurors, LAWYERS, Judge Attendants
I'VE OBJECT"
Judge-"Just for that threat | find
you guilty on eleven more counts.
Have you any last requestr
Wilhelm-"Just one. Would you