The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1919-02-13

of the same to the natal portion of his
phySiognomy.
| The Chairman will bear large pta-
card called A Progress Chart. on which
will be inscribed in red ink. in bold
| characters. the pathetic words. Coco
! Night" The secretary will follow. car
! rying tho Sacred Board Stamp. and from
; time TO time will impress il with a
! Horrible Grin upon the back Of the neck
| OF tho Chairman. Then will como tao
other members Of the staff. Knocking
! solcmnly with hammers on the new
Steel Filing Cabinets which will have
just arrived.
The procession will move slowly along
the main thoroughfare Of Summit. Tho
Strect-li shts will be drapcd with black;
At intervals. non-declarant non.encmy
aliens will tend small bonfircs Of Ad-
jutant Generals Delinquent Notices. and
calculate "Go-to-cll," us the procession
passes.
Upon reaching the outskirts of the
city. the procession will cast everything
aside. and plunge rapturously into tho
Deep Outer Darkness. After running
fourteen miles. il will reach tho Morris
Plains Lunatic Asylum and feycrishly
shout for admission.
Just as the Great Gates are about 10
swing open, u brenthlcss Western Union
teiegraph-Doy will rush up and hand h
telegram to the Chairman. 1t will read
as follows:
Trenton. y. J. To Local Board No.
3. Union Co. y. j.
The following telegram just received
from Washington. Period. Quote some
local boards have failed 10 place Il dot
after the date on summary card Number
one. Comma. Summary Card Number
Two, Comma. Summary Card Number
three. Comma Summary card Number !
four Comma Summary Card Number !
five. Comma, comma Summary Caro- |
Number six. Comma. Summary Cara |
Number seven. Period. New paragraph |
The machines being used in the compii- |
alton Of local boards for my annual re- I
port will be closed at 4:30 p. M. to-mor- |
row. Comma And correction cannon
he made thereafter. Period. Crowdcr.
Period. Unquotc new paragraph. If
applicable TO your board, Comma Do |
rot close your office this afternoon till |
this has been corrected. Period. Expo
dite. Period. Dash. Exclamation
point Dash. Asterisk Period. Gi1ky-
SON"
The hospital gats Of the asylum will
swing together again. There will be
series of quick. loud bu: brief and firm
explosions and all that will be left OF
he Members and staff OF Local Board
for Division No. ). Of Union County.
State Of New Jersey. Office, City Hall.
Summit, New Jersey, will be a FEW
nlackehed Halos, some broken strings Of
nuts and charred remnant OF the once
famous Sacred Boad Stamp.
And-thc next morning. the newspapers
will tell q Banquet in Washington tho
eight before, Of the three million mem
oers Of the Staff Of the Provost Mar
shars Office, AT which a goIdcn-casvo
:opy Of Sclective Service Regulations,
Second Edition, Form 1854 was pre- J
'ented 10 the Provost Marshal Gencrar
With book-mark inserted at Section
$50 Special Calls, page 100. pointing
o these stirring words Special Number
fifty seven upon your State is hereby
as follows. colon. on juno
eleventh entrain fifty white butchers
Qualified for limited service for Camp
Dix, comma, Wrightstown. comma. New =
'ersey, Period. Acknowledge Crow =
er2
And the speech OF the evening was =
made by II. C. Kramer. Lieut.. Col. J. \. r
and J. A. doesn't stand for Just AwfuI, .
tther, necessarily y
Faithfully yours.
RUFORD FRANKLIN \
Chairman d
,ocal Board Numb {rest Of Roara I
Stamp consumed In explosou)." &c
F. y. ANDERSON. F
Captain. L. S. Army, h
Chief Of Department. d
M-McS g