Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-08-02
THE OTHER ANGLE
y -
Non.Tipping.
BY KIRK MILLER.

Since they calcimined both sides OF
the Mississippi that pale prohibition
the star-spangled U. 8. A. so that 1t
isn't safe to gargle in anything stronger
than 2.75, it seems that all Of our little
pet vices have been curtailed and cur.
tailed until the pleasure menu looks all
sawed off, like the little dogs tail.
! When a red-white-and-b Ameri-
can steps out among the foreign ma
tions. he is judged mostly by the
number of thin dims and thick hicks
he drops among the European con,
stituents. But here in peace-freckled
North America how are you going to
| tip the masseur at the turkish bath
a two-bit piece for giving you an
alcohol rundown when the nearest
thing he has to alcohol is furniture
polish?
| Nope. can't have any more fun at
all under the new regime, and If you
do sneak in a little amusement while
the wool Is away on the summer
vacation, you got to pay an amuse-
out of having it. It's the old gag of
stolen sweets being the sweetest, but
the bird who stole persimmons in
early August found that to be bum
piece of dictton.
Anyway, they've shortchanged us
all our little pet sins; the latest man
date separating all two-eared citi-
zens of Washington and environs from
their inherent right of tipping the
ash collector. If you get caught tip
ping the ash gent today, tomorrow
morning, you get an opportunity to
tip the judge anywhere from five to
ten iron clackers. More likely ten,
If the judges are the kind they used
to have in the good old days when
a corwscrew wasn't used for a nut
pick nor funnel for megaphone.
We had one wielder of the gavel
and the law who used to delight in
giving the Saturday-night FOUNDERS
the limit of the law and no time off
for good behavior. If the code said
the penalty should be ten dollars
BOTH" you generally got "or BOTH"
That bird would cor both" you to
pieces, and then make you admit that
you liked 1t. When you got out of
Occoquan your hair would be falling
faster than William. the Seconds and
it would be grayer than the morning
after the night before.
It's against the law of the District
OF Columbia to. have concealed
, weapons, and II tip isn't a weapon,
what is it? The only way to get a
janitor to turn on the warm water
is 10 tip him or to use q piece of gas
pipe on him, SO whichever weapon
you use, the effect is the same-you
don't get the water. The District has
undertaken to- be it's own collector,
both ashes and fines. 1t wants you
to distinctly understand that those
collectors are collecting cinders, not
AZ ySfr for tl,1
ping the curator of refuse a pewter
quarter, but no offense for edging the
Judge a five-berry bill the next am.
So there's another harmless home
pleasure being snatched from us be-
cause they don't want the garbage
gent to grow wealthy and retire to
his country estate on the back gate
gratuities. Lot of our most stylish
millionaires have grown wealthy by
Just such lowly start in life.
Andrew Carnegie was a hard-work-
ing, railroad foreman; Henry Ford
was an ingenious mechanic who
didn't have any leaning toward his
tory nor music and Charlie Chaplin
was mere circus clown Just like
Jess Willard. We don't want any
millionaire ash connisseurs dashing
past us in their hivvers like they
were frogs among tadpoles.
With the passing Of -tips for the
Ole Trash Man. we can look for an
early resembling Of other privileges
which We thought the Constitution in.
sured all paid-up citizens of the land
of the free and the home of the in
dedogonpendent. Only a matter of
time now until 1t will be against the
criminal code for a gentleman within
the draft age to tip his hat to a
lady who is just approaching It. A
goof on 9Th street tipped his hat
to an alien friend of the other per-
suasion one evening and before he
got through tipping, the epidemic
spread to the diamond-rinR dealer.
the preacher and the divorce LAWYER.
Fact IL, the only thing, IL Ia safe
to do these days without getting IN.
volved in q lot OF legal spaghetti, is
to make faces at yourself in the mir
ror. There's no law against that 40
long as You don't do It in the public
elevators where the other occupants
aren't sure who the facial manenvers
are meant for. s77.
Whatever you do, don't tin ANYBODY.
anything, anytime, anyplace.
Line forms to the left, don't feed
the patients raw meat as you leave
the sanitariumi