The Washington herald., 1919-08-03
Peace Conference and III
BY MONTAGUE GLASS

wine on June IA. and II Mr. Grew
couldn't trace the party which signed
for 100 bottles tchampanyer wine on
June IA. understand. what chance
does he have of finding out who is
responsible for each and every one
Of the hundreds of checks with ille-
sible signatures which Is bound to
show up in the final accounting for
such articles as scrambled eggs,
bacon and coffee. which any peace
conferencer might have signed for
whether hts home town was in dry
state or not, Abe
And Mr. Grew wouldn't get no
sympathy, from the President, neither.
Aawruss," Abe said, which when
the morning mail arrives at the White
House nowadays just as Mr.. Wilson
is saying to Mrs. Wilson: Some
coffee, Mommer"-because the average
American has got to be home from
Europe at least a month before a
good cup of coffee ceases to become IA
miracle, hawruss, It won't take more
than two letters from Mr.. Grew ask
ing Mr.. Wilson does he remember
whether at the conference between
him. Clemenceau, Lord George, Vene-
zuelas and Baron Ishii, held in ParIor
A on March End. did or did not some
body order a rye bread tongue sand
wich and a split OF Evian Water, and
If so to please sign enclosed check
for same, non pro tune as of March
p. 1919. understand me, before the
only effect an envelope addressed in
the handwriting OF Mr. Grew will
have on Mr.. Wilson Is that he is 60
ing to throw il unopened into the
waste paper basket without SO much
as saying: I wonder what that
schlemiel wants from me now"
LAS a matter of fact. Abe, the price
OF food amt interested Mr Wilson
since a few days ago when he asked
Mrs. Wilson: How much are we pay
ing now for coffee, Mommer?' and
Mrs. Wilson says: '5S cents a pound.
and Mr.. Wilson says: For the love Of
Mike" and then asks what she is pay
ing for eggs and Mrs. Wilson says at
Ginsburg's Economy Market, So cents
dozen and Mr.. Wilson says he would
Just as lieve have some hash from
last nights rib roast and Mrs. Wilson
says she doesn't blame him and so
would she but that they are going
TO have rib roast cold for lunch on
account Ginsburg is practically
for - cents pound" Morris said.
And how did you come to hear
about this conversation, Mawruss?'
Abe asked
Il didn't hear about it," MorrI,
replied. but | presume 1t took place
the morning after the newspapers
printed the report OF the Federal
Trade Commission about the Packing
Houses. Abe, because a similar con-
versation happened at my breakfast
table that morning and | presume II
also happened at yours"
We'll, it's time that business men
begun to take d little interest in the
cost of what they are eating. Nav
russ" Abe said. On account of the
, increase in the price of food, Nav
russ, the business man IS now paying
I more money to all the people which
j Is working for hun except his wife. 4"
Sure ! know" Morris said. but
the business man which is mean
enough to hold down his wife to 81
week housekeeping money simply
I because the principle of the closed
shop and collective bargaining can't
be applied to an American household
, the way it could to a Turkish harem
Abe, don't live so well as he used to
Former times when such a man COM
planned to his wife that the chicken
was a little tough. y'understand. she
used to say: What do YOU want for
80 dollars week Housekeeping
money. mocking birds? Nowadays