The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1919-04-26
SUCH IS LIFE
BY @. b. JOYFUL

>
First ride humans get is in the
baby buggy, also pronounced baby
carriage, gO-cart, and peramubulator.
That's how civilized folks get the idea
that it's easier to ride than walk. Al
ways we teach our children first how
to ride and; then give them walking
lessons.
Man in his most primitive existence
acquired the vehicle habit, and he's
been riding the hobby ever since.
to the soil. He'd never get more than
with the first wheel man began get
ting acquainted with his next door
neighbor. -
We go riding, automobiling, driving,
etc., but Carlyle writes, my travel
ing friends, vehiculating in gigs or
otherwise over that piece of London
road"
And they used to say, Wagons"
(Pause.)
The first vehicle didn't have regu-
lar wheels. Man just hitched another
animal to two saplings and climbed
on. Then he got the hunch to make
wheels out of tree trunks, sticking an
axle through the .centers.
AND HE KEPT ON UNTIL HE
FINALLY BUILT A HEARSE
.,o. FOR HIMSELF.
Also he. got himself into mess Of
other difficulties by inventing wheels
Transportation problems and un-
scramblingr the railroads.
He never would have to hang on a
strap nights and mornings if he had
left wheels alone, and henry ford
wouldn't have rambled along.
,soJ.s t(Pause.) uef. - 4,
1.-THE king in a carriage may ride,
And the beggsr may crawl at his
side; a&e IRA ls5..
But in the general race, 3.,s -af.
They are travelling all the. same
q, pace" ,
Wen bet the lone millionaire in his
new limousine doesn't get half as
much fun out of life as do these:
The most perniciOus wheeled ideas
Of, mankind are: p7@. .
Wheelbarrows 213i. a'&''2,S
Lawn mowers 4LH+A
Three cents mile rate
And when we consider the upkeep
we're almost inclined to add: Auto
mobiles. -."f'.
This Fellow Wouldn't
"Some men think more of their
automobiles than they do of them
selves" Ign ''s1~
"That's right replied Uncle Bill
Bottle top. "I'vc seen many a man go
thirsty hisself SOS he could afford
alcohol to put in the radiator
Washington Star. ~'<
~" (Pause) II. .... =
~ The First Sleeping Car
Was run over the Cumberland Val
Chambersburg, Pa, in 1888. 1t was
different from the modern sleeping
car: There was no charge for sleeping
accommodations Is
The Pullman car was invented later,
to give porters tipful jobs.lr,%l,.a
:n ,,g, - Pause -, TX
Railroads never could have succeed
ed in solving transportation problems
if some wise guy hadn't invented tick
cts. Locomotives, won't run; unless
they have engineers, firemen, coal,
water and W.. G. McAdoo's name
printed on the stationery. ,.fI,
.3sgAialf (Pause) aaa.tut2
oMpS are not VenlcleS. Iney travel
neither. on wheels or, runners, but a
pair Of skates is a vehicle, unless
they're human, and they won't be that
way after July 1.eff~%
They used too cradle wheat, but now
the poet is hoeing it Nc"
d.. "Hoe, hoe, hoe your, row
Through the summer heat,
Merrily do your bit, =. y
Cheerily stick to it, r.
Raising oats and wheat"
.a.-,..s Western club song.
=. (Pause)
Miss Helen Hanson of University
Place, Nebraska, did her garden
blowing with the family cow hitchcd
to the pillow.
5@ (Applause) t.-
IT You would live long, fiddle!
George Washington Dukelan has been
fiddling every night for the last SIS
years and at 76 says he fels "young
as colt" All due to the daily dose
ssysrzsssss Con- itisstte sDsnce) :sy
Any time you want something new
in crime ask Chicago. There they're
canning the Glands I'M" for 1lav