The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-07-28
BLoNoEs AND Ex.eLoNpEs.

3" %INVN u p plCllNC VIII Az ~ 20
Of a doe sold me som bum cigars yes
terday and stuck me shaking the box.
Oh, well, what do we carei Crack!
goes a dime. Always did spend heap
o'money when I got started.
! thought that it would be nice for
a deer-eyed damsel like this blond to
be stuck on me, so I tried my best to
impress the lady with the fact that /
was a brain worker and q nice fellow
to get acquainted with and all that
might mean, but
Curses! She bestowed the same smile
on al alike, including a number of fat,
bald-headed bankers, brokers, bookies
and ex-barkeeeps.
Later she started picking her teeth
with her little finger! Good night!
Carrie is a good manicurist. She can
remove gasoline stains from finger ends
with ease and eradicate other token
of mourning from beneath the nails
with deftness and dispatch and fill your
ears with scandal faster than the entire
crew Of bald headed BARRIERS. Carrie
was a blonde like the cigar girl, but
alas! she tarried too long at the tea
Kettle when 1t was red and fluid moved
itself Alright.
Does anyone recollect the corner
spendthrift who used to waste a pound
or two of real beer every time he blew
the foam from his schooner, the excess
washing up the sawdust on the floor
into ripple-llke rings, just like SO much
flotsam?
HAD A BITE, iF NO KICK.
Complete prohibition has claimed Its
first victim hereabouts. A Memphian
was to enter a local hospital Wednes-
day to have a piece of glass pruned
from his kidney. He drank a soft drink
OF the dope variety and swallowed a
silver o fthe bottle. 1t "bit'' him al
the way from the tonslls to the kidney
where the glass wedged fast.
WHAT SAY, CHI TRjB7
We felt sure it wouldn't be long be.
fore Chicago was qualified to send out
a. story of a race riot. The Windy
City never likes for any other town
even Washington. to be first in any.
thing.
German journalists Just now are dis.
covering hat the kaiser didn't abdi
cate. If they had not fought any bet,
ter than they gather news. the wa
would nave been Of short duration.
With the boss back on the Job, ant
our collaboration in the compilation o
these witticisms or a desk, instead o
the street, we anticipate a mighty hart
winter.
Just about now the June bridegroom
Is finding out that 1t isn't so cas-.
to fool the June bride as 1t was a
the very first.
SHE NOW GOES IN HER AUTO.
What has become of the old fashions
woman who went to he grocery in he
sunbonnet?
Our guess Is, now that the womel
of Tennessee have been granted tn
ballot, that a mayoress would be jus
as consistent as some of the mayor
we have had recently.
The early morning hack fence con
ferences soon can be animated by
discussion Of how that Mrs. Smit
voted in the last election.
One of the cheering sights the ia
will bring Is the nine young footba
rah-rahs who gather on the corner an
! shout their school yell into one an
others faces.
A disturbing thought, in this tim
of high prices, is that while man ma
go barefooted, he's In a helluva fl
should the cost of clothing SOAR on
> of sight.
, Who will look after the baby, no.
, that mother and father both have t
! attend the ward meetings?
|, Now that the war Is over, and mos
> of the heroes returned, the Frank MeI
riwells and the Deadwood Dicks agai
can take their proper place In fictioi
4 Some men we know are just as use
full as a June bug-and just as nois.
s. -
All men, at some time in their live
are insects to their womenfolks.