davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-04-04

To be happy you must be well. II
you are frequently troubled with con-
stipation and indigestion you cannot
be altogether happy. Take Chamber
lain's Tablets to correct these disor-
ders. They are prompt and egectual,
easy and pleasant to take.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-04-04
How is Your COMPLEXION ?

A woman should grow more beau
tiful as she grows older and she will
with due regard to baths, diet and ex-
ercise. and by keeping her liver and
bowels in good working order. II
you are haggard and yellow. your
eyes losing their lustre and whites
becoming yellowish. your flesh fiabby,
II may be due to indigestion or TO a
sluggish liver. Chamberlain Tab
lets correct these disorders.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-04-04
PLANO AT SACRIFICE.

We have stored at Montpelier a
strictly high grade piano. which. II
taken at once. will be sold ct q sub
stantial discount. Terms to respon-
sible party. II interested write quick
for particulars to
THE DENVER MUSIC c.,
Denver, Colo.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-04-04
PLAYER PIANO CHEAP.

We have in the vicinity of Montpel-
Ter slightly used player piano, part
~ paid for and in fTst-class condi-
ton that we will sell cheap TO reli-
able party. Write us for particulars.
Consolidated Music Co., Salt Lake
City. Utah.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-04-04

was made Sunday evening to precip-
tate the delayed discharge OF Ser
geant Pugmire. whose release origin
ally was scheduled for the day of the
accident. -Pocatello Tribune.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
There's Sure a link
On This Flivver and
Its Unlucky Owner

Automobile thieves insisted on
having "Pete" Petersen's enclosed
Lizzie" and now it looks like they
are going to keep it. Pete, who
lives in Council Bluffs, drove his
fivver for some time before he had
it insured. Finally he took out a
policy.
That night his car was stolen in
Omaha. He reported it to the po-
lice. On his way home he found
the car. Police officers saw him get
in the reported stolen car and he
was taken to the police statioNs
After several hours of deliberation,
he convinced the officers that the car
belonged to him.
The next morning he bought an
automobile lock. That night he left
his car and locked it. Horrors! He
left the key in it. The car was
again stolen. The next morning his
brother, Mike" took the delivery
truck from in front of their store
to hunt for his brothers car.
The driver came after the car and
rushed into the Office and reported
it stolen. The car was found in a
ditch about three miles out Of town.
Two weeks ago his car was again
stolen from in front Of his house
and as yet he has not recovered it.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Big Whisky Shortage
Reported in Omaha
During Last Z Months

Some interesting facts are con-
tanned in the report prepared by the
Civic Observers league. Among the
phenomenal occurrences and condl-
tons existing in the city during July
and August as seen by league men,
bers are:
No ice was cut on Carter lake dur
ing the final week of July.
There was practically no demand
for heavy mittens or snow shovels.
Ice skating was poor at Hanscom
park.
Police received no reports of
coasting accidents.
No cases of frozen auto engines
were observed.
Cases Of frozen ears, noses and
toes were lacking at the hospitals.
The city is expected to be back to
normal about December IS.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Find Brain Batting Average
By Dividing Your Mental
By Chronological Age
A Man Who Bames His Wife When He Can't Find His
Slippers Does Not Have as High an Intelligence
Quotient as Man Who Smiles When His Collar
Button Rolls Under the Bed.

reach the heights and we know them
as persons Of fame or exceptiinal
attainments. Others fall far below
the average and are known as dere-
licts or mis6ts, or by some other
classification. But the average per-
son does not live up to his intelli-
gence quotient, nor does he make
the best use of his talents"
Mental tests frequently show that
child who outwardly seems to be
backward, is really brighter men
tally than some whose outward char
acteristics are promising.
Reveals Quotient Every Day.
The average person unconsciously
reveals his mental quotient in every
day actions. A man who blames his
wife when he can't find his slippers
does not have as high quotient as
the man who will smile when his
collar button rolls under the bed.
Investigations have shown that a
woman who spends her leisure time
in absorbing all Of the neighborhood
gossip and then redistributing it in
her own way does not possess an
intelligence quotient that would
score very high The woman who
thinks and speaks all the good she
can scores high, according to these
new mental tests. The boy who ties
a can to a dogs tail would not get
high mark, nor would the man who
practices on his slide trombone at
an open window along about cuddlc
time. The person with high intel
ligence quotient will not engage in
profteering.
Are you living up to your intelli-
gence quotient?
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Joseph's Coat of Many Colors
HadNothingon Today's Styles
Clothing Man Says Men Are Getting Tired Of Sombre
Colors and Want to Be Birds of Fine Plumage
Like Knights of DID,

the suit every day. The proprietor
says they have longing looks on
their faces and several times a man
has been on the point of coming in
and trying it on.
Men are getting tired of the SOM
bre colors in which they have
dressed for so many years" he said.
They want to be birds of fine plum
age like the men were in the middle
ages when knights we're bold and
wore silks and velvets and plumes.
1T isn't right that the ladies
should have all the bright colors and
beautiful costumes. Mans time is
coming. In fact, it is here"
The suit, needless to say, isn't any
cheaper than suits made all Of the
same color. The clothing man de-
MED the suggestion that a patch
work. suit ought to sell cheaper
than one made of the whole cloth.
If anything it ought to sell higher,
he said.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

Do you know that you were born
with an intelligence quotient? Every.
body has one, but the experts did
not know about it until compare
lively recently. This intelligence
quotient is what might be referred
to as your mental batting average.
A group of educational specialists
have reduced this to almost an exact
science. They can probe your cereb-
raj recesses and give you rating.
In other words, they can measure
your brain power.
The intelligence quotient is OBJ
tanned by dividing the mental age
by the chronological age. The mem
tai age is determined by applying
tests which have been arrived at
after the examination Of thousands
of persons. The chronological age
is a persons age according to the
usual measurement of time.
Can Look Into Skull.
Leon Smith, assistant to J. H.
Beverage, superintendent of schools,
is the man who can delve beneath
the skull and tell just what is hidden
there. The practical application of
his work has to do with grading
bows and girls who are more than
ordinarily bright, and also those who
fall below the average of intelll-
gence. =,
"The average person is born with
certain capabilities which are fairly
we'll fixed, but the average person
does not reach the limit Of his capa..
bilities," Mr.. Smith said. I'VE could
do more and better things than we
do. Most people strike the average
level of things. Some, Of course,
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

astounded when | tell a correspond
ent that May "a, 1898, fell on Tues
day. Please don't waste any SYM
pathy or admiration on me for this
showing of erudition. simply turn
to a universal calendar already COM
piled, and now I've given away one
of the tricks Of the trade, so that he
who runs may read.
Gosh durn it, we always wondered
how you did it, Mary. Thought you
had to count back through all the
weeks an months an years. But
that there universal calendar is
great idea.
But returned from calendars to
souls, Mary points out that when
the poor soul reaches a state where
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

it must unburden itself to maintain
sanity in the mind it directs, then it
comes to me to purchase a bit OF
advice at 2 cents"
And it would be cheap at twice the
price, Mary. The maintaining OF
sanity in the human mind is no less
important that the maintaining of
sanitation in the human home. Do
mestic problems often threaten the
former; bedbugs, the latter. On
both Mary Lane is competent and
willing to give advice.
And the price remains at 2 cents!
What pinchbeck soul will refuse
to avail itself Of high-class advice,
especially at that trifing outlay?
None, we feel sure.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Great Guns! Father
Writes Poetry to His
Son When He's Awav

A fortunate youth is the son of
R. B. Gray, assistant advertising
manager of the Union Pacific rail-
road. Mr.. Gray came to Omaha
several months ago from Salt Lake
City, Utah. His family is still living
there.
AS a rule Mr.. Gray writes moth
ing but made to order" advertis-
ing copy, but his letters to his boy
are different. Here is a little poem
which he inclosed in his last letter.
1t was accompanied by photograph
of an owl-one Of the wisest look
ing owls ever photographed.
Behold the owl the wisest fowl
That goes the midnight pace;
He catches mice, and frogs and
lice
And puts them in his face.
His ears are long. his nose absurd
He's robber pure and simple;
Vet I'd be spurred to love the bird
If he but had a dimple.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Major Neglects to
Return Salute, But
Captain Responds

A young civilian meeting one Of
the now almost extinct army majors
on Farnam street last week absent
mindedly gave him as snappy a
salute as any officer ever saw.
The major only stared and
passed on without acknowledging
the courtesy.
That in itself was not remarkable
but it was amusing to see two other
civilians just in rear of the major
straighten up and return the salute
in a manner that showed they were
used to it.
A smile spread over the face of
the man who returned the salute as
he called after the man who started
it all, Much obliged. sergeant"
IS all right, Cap'n,' came back
the answer. Il guess you earned il"
Some boy, that" remarked the
captain.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Mary Lane, Whoever She Is,
Admits She Is the Greatest
W0manin the World sHist0ry
Cleopatra, the Queen of Sheba, Carrie Nation and
Others Were Pkers Compared to This Purveyor
of Heart Balm to Readers of the W-H-What She
Doesn't Know Isn't Worth Knowing, That's Sure.

Cleopatra, the queen Of Sheba, the
empress Josephine, Carrie Nation
and the Cherry sisters were all great
women.
But a greater has arisen. Towit:
Mary Lane.
Who is Mary Lane? you ask.
How can you confess TO such ig-
norance.
Well, to be frank, we didn't know
either until we read an article in
last Sundays World BY
Mary Lane ABOUT Mary Lane.
She Admits Leadership.
After reading Miss Lane opinion
of herself we placed her at the head
of the list of great women.
Mary is the purveyor of heart
balm to readers of the VIII. She
solves knotty domestic problems for
husbands and wives; saves desperate
people from suicide by printed
paragraph: advises worried house
wives how to get rid of bed bugs,
and young girls how to Danish the
curse of freckles: and, in short, is
gentle agency of light, love, hope
and sanitation in this community.
She told all about it i'll the article.
As the headline writer, tersely put
it: MARY Lane Lifts Curtain from
Her Mysterious Column and Ex-
plains How Hundreds Come to Her
for Advice in Time of Joy and Sor-
row."
Mary naively states that she is
something less and something more
than human being" Still, we are
hardly warranted in assuming that
she is not human being.
Just Name Your Poison.
Moreover, she is a powerful hu-
man being. She says so herself.
And who should know better?
When all other remedies have
failed, when the soul is in anguish,
when the body is in pain, when bed
bugs persist in spite of most dra-
matte measures, when the human
spirit refuses to be stilled, when
lemon juice fai{s-to remove the hated
freckles, then folks fly to Mary
Lane.
Mary does not fail them. What
the sunshine is to the flowers, Mary
Lane is to these distressed souls.
Her problem may be the other
woman; it may be an unfortunate
girl, more sinned against than sim
ming" or it may be just plain, pesky
bedbugs. She is as able to cure one
as the other.
She tells some remarkable in
stances that star.le the soul and
wrench the spirit. If your soul and
spirit can stand it, read on:
"One time" says Mary. "a woman
wrote me in all seriousness that she
hated her husband and contemplated
putting poison in his food. l shud-
der for fear my advice did not reach
her in time to prevent her from TAX
ing this very definite method OF rid
ding herself of her husband"
Oh, reader, does not your soul
throb and hope that the advice
reached the wife in time? Does it
notT ........
But, Mary, really don't you think
that woman was spoohng you?
Another extract from the gallery
q troubled souls;
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

composed a song and a Chicago
firm had offered to publish it for
SIS. While l admonished her
against parting with her money,
down in my heart I wished l held
stock in that Chicago firm that has
such an easy method of abstracting
money from people"
Alas! She's Human.
Alas! Has our idol feet of clay?
Is she, after all, human like the rest
of US? Perish the thought!
You can ask Mary what day of
the week certain date fell on. and
she can tell you. Yes, sir! Honest
to goodness, she can. And she tells
how she does the trick, too!
mo doubt, the public is greatly
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

Zone day a foolish chit wrote
me of her determination to become
an actress. Next day big, BASH
full boy came to tell me he was that
girls sweetheart. He had learned
through her mother that she had
written ME and they entered into
combine and enlisted my aid to
discourage the girl in her theatrical
ambitions"
For this relief, much thanks,
Mary. We have seen too many Of
these bum actresses ourselves.
, Sometimes, strange though it may
seem, even Mary Lane fails. Such
an instance is related by the soul
soother, as follows:
All, Cruel, Cruel "Woild."
"A correspondent once wrote me
that she hated every human being
in the world. Many replies came
to bring her comfort. She wrote
once more, an even more bitter let
ter. She only sneered at the friend
4y overtures sent through this col
umn and said she hoped to find
consolation in the study of psyche
logy. Probably she either found
! consolation or complete madness.
| That woman's letter still worries
me. failed utterly to bring her
the least comfort"
Well, Mary, it wasn't your fault.
You should worry! The woman re-
fused to take the medicine accord
ing to the directions marked plain
ly on the bottle. You should
worry!
Then there's another pleasant in
cident about "a poor but merry a.
year-old girl who lives in South
Dakota where she husks corn and
pitches hay in the field"
'Tis but a poor lot to be merry
over, forsooth!
This exemplary child, in her lat
est letter writes as follows: Love
to all" which. Mary Lane presumes
includes all her readers.
May we not. as certain great
parsonage would say, hope that this
includes The Bee readers also. Or
would that be presuming too much,
Mary?
Politics Easy for Her.
Not always is Mary Lane dealing
with unfortunate girls" foolish
chits," troubled wives" and other
distressed souls. Sometimes the
great political questions of the day
are brought to her for final solu-
ton. Witness this:
Once | found myself the center
of a mighty discussion centering
around bolshevism. l was the re-
cipient of an avalanche of letters be- |
cause I had said that 'bolshevism !
is chaos l had an uncomfortable !
feeling that my morning mail might
some time bring me bomb Final !
ly an army officer came to my |
rescue and put my tormentors to
flight by very singing retort in
which he upheld me in my defini-
ton of the word"
We are glad at any rate that you
escaped, Mary, though why folks
should assail you for making such
a common statement and definition
is beyond the comprehension of our
soul. Somehow, reminds us of Ring
Lardness who nicknamed Jeffries
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

the big fellow" at the recent To-
ledo scrap.
She's Some Fixer.
81 could bring about a n1atrimo-
NAL alliance almost every day."
Mary declares, IF l permitted the
unattached men and women who
write to ME to communicate with
one another"
Is this threat or a boast?
But here is fly in the ointment
Alas! As we are overlooking with
joy and thanks that Mary Lanes
beneficent influence is permeating
the fabric of life in this community,
Mary gives US a glimpse into the
depths of her own heart. Listen:
"A girl wrote to me that she had
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
History repeats itself.

IihoiSiy iSP>o'o ''oN'i'
Four thousand years ago Joseph
attained fame with his coat of
many colors." And now the coat
Of many colors is announced as the
style for men Of today.
The first model of this suit is
glazing pyrotechnically in the win
dow of a North Sixteenth street
clothing store.
1t seems to be made Of a cloth
Of all the colors of the rainbow and
a few new ones that the rainbow
lacks. There are violent reds,
bowling yellows, screaming greens
and they run from these down to
demure Alice blues.
The whole forms suit that is not
so unduly startling that men will
SHY" at it and the clothing dealer
who is showing it says he expects
some brave man to buy it and set
the ball to rolling.
Hundred of men stop and look at
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

Sniff, sniff. (Hesitate.) Sniff,
sniff. ((Naughty word.) Blow,
blow. (Hesitate.) Sniff, sniff.
(Naughty) Sniff. Ah-ker-chool
These are the steps Of the hay
fever waltz, so many Of our fellow
citizens are now doing daily.
If you lamp bird with face all
twisted and warped out of shape
like a palm beach suit that has been
slept in. you know he is hay-fever-
lite.
HAY fever isn't a necessity like
ice cream cones or coal. 1t is a
pastime in which the shifts per min
ute greatly exceed those in the
snuff tournament now being held in
Sweden.
40Days And 10 Nights.
Just like the flood, it lasts 40 days
and 40 nights. including matinees
every Tuesday and Saturday with
big special Sunday performance in
the hair-covered opera house.
There are more birds shifting i'll
America today than there are girls
dancing in hay skirts down in Ha-
wall. Which shows that the Order
of Sniff Shifts stands on its merits.
What causes hay fever, we don't
know. The doc who can find out
and provide cure will make Rookie
Teller look like the proprietor of
hamburger wagon. Some M. DIS
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
Let the Firemen Do It.

A young man threw his cap at
the tiny flame caused by the falling
of a cigaret on an awning OF a
downtown office building. The cap
was burned. Moral: Let the fire
department do it.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

proboscis and out Of the trap door
of the face. The racket is caused
by the crossing of the air currents"
Only Cure is Banned.
The shimmy was thought to be
a cure for hay fever. But now that
the welfare board has banished the
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

say that it caused by cooks cooking
beans upside down. Sneezology
quotes it as follows: "The epiglot-
tbs backfres on the Uranium, causing
a combustion which forces air vio-
lently through the air pipes Of the
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

shimmy, there's no cure. The hand
kerchief manufacturers and laun-
dries don't want a cure found.
The Order of Sniff Shifts has the
largest outstanding committee OF
any order in the world If they ever
want to take action they can bring
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07
labs q n
needle z1yw
arm.

down the price of fandkerchiefs to
the lowest levels.
In giving the chautauqua salute
members of the order have to have
two handkerchiefs, one to wave and
one to use. A one-handed hay
feverite can't give the chautauqua
Omaha daily bee., 1919-09-07

the big fellow" at the recent To-
Nord stern. [volume] (La Crosse, Wis.) 1856-1921, 1919-09-26

3eros uno onoeren Sta1ten pr
Union 1ctoHyt mctosn 1T. 10 1T bic
5nbeue Der Potion I fuel Aominis
itratipn" berslts perultet.
Die gon}s 0slt tobrt nuA 9L
unc ou Is oui ieocm nttiaent ges
funosn Miro. 10 miiiien nod merit,
POLE Eager monge5nprt lem. De-
nehp ihGbt, odb Is in 2cbn 5 hren
in ben Der. Sto1tea 100000
0elmotoren aelsr wero:. b. i. 5peis
unpeinbd!tmlt il bel ME iebt.
@ieIeift bat sr reht, lpcnn er Iagt.
oub Die Ser Staateu in 3ean Sub
rem nitt mefr imitonot iein pers
Den. o19 bs0-t,9te Oel 81 ~liefern.
Tod TT mag iiA aud trr.n, Dir
Celreierpc in ben dmerttlniihen
Gtootsn 1T aur 1000 WiQ;onea
Sob peJ0niflogt poroen; lis 1918
6etruQ bic @silmtproouttion 1926
Mi1ipnsn 5o5. 0arin 1T iepodl
Dos Jog. 51ieier0I. .. |. oas Gus
5el5formotion11 in Den peIt,iI en-
Gtunten ~lerpo,drene De, njht mt
slnbelrIi'eH Bon oieien Del bers
Jen COLORADO. Hepnod. &romnl.
uiontona uno &ulifrruIen rietle
llofen, Golota0p ultin on9eD III
%minoeitens 20.0o0 IItpuen 61B.
SIN @e9eniab 81 0paebp teb1uptet
Elm 6err Wlit1sl i'm Rational
Geograplt Scum t.. oaB Imetitas
Gui0lincoyrot rod fir p;eIe 8en:z
rdtiontn cu5rtlten msroe. eben ne
zen Der ri;ii9st GuuntitIte1. Die IN
Gen Gtieierform1tionen iieden.
Ord ietbIt nenn Gonetp8 PEE
iJirttuns iUr Die Der. Stocten SUE
~trefieu io4te. 10 miro oor1 M;r 70
sur TstuH5 oes 5ehlletrols Ims
honos ieH. 0ort betrdgt Die ooue
&apr3itdt Der bereits a. oarten
Drummer 100000 HoB Zen 1og.
mehr oIs o1s Jeserrpdrti1e 4roouts
t;oNssNarunum in ZEN @sr. Stna=
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tunoereten I'M SdmplCozSc2trt 1el0
rem Nmeritlnern.
0ie Nnsrifa. Ihon aus Stl6It-
mttrei7e. ijh ben SduB I"einer
y'nO5lsute. mo9en e5 Gin3elperioz
zen ODER Horporationsn iein. angelic
am iein id5t. Die in MeritO Ss1dns
oerejen erlporben BADEN. 10 IhUbt
@roBbritannien, oas in ieinen Solo
men notwithstanding menig Celono
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