St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1919-05-31

Of silence. OF course, every one
knows that silence is an art. And
it's the most difficult one in the
world to master. 1t requires a little
talent to be a good conversationalist,
but it takes a genius to be a good
silencer.
| The art of How To Say Nothing"
at the right time should be taught in
all girls schools. They have thou
sands and thousands of schools and
colleges to teach young women how
to use words, but there's not one
silence school to teach them how to
shut up.
I've got a good silence. school right
near my home. It's my neighbor's
wife. Yes, she made him master of
the art the first week they were mar
rled, and she's kept him in constant
practice ever since. But / enjoy his
wife's conversations. They are so
restful. When she starts to talk
every one has to take a rest.
He only married that woman for
her money. Well, it serves him right
for trying to buck up against one of
those get,rich-quick schemes.
They say married men live longer
than bachelors. That's not so. The
time drags and they imagine life is
| longer.
It's funny thing, every man you
meet will tell you how to win a wife
and everybody will gladly tell you
how to make love. But after a man
marries, he has to shift entirely for
himself
There's not going to be any more
marriages in India. The legislature
has passed bill forbidding weak
minded persons to marry and they
are the only ones who ever think OF
doing such a thing.
| Woman says that in most cases a
bachelor is one who has been crossed
in love. That may be so, but let
me tell you in most cases married
man is one who has been double
crossed.
| Some people say that marriage is a
lottery. But it isn't Because in
lottery you can win once in while.
/ know woman who is a great
talker. When she starts to talk she
makes Victrola sound as though it
| was suffering. Well, talk is cheap.
Women are fond of bargains, and
that's all there is to 1t.
Most married men have a great
| respect for their wives. I don't think
you can find one who would say a
thing against his wife for the world,
especially If she was listening.
Let us discuss my netghbor's wife
some more. Every time / think of
her 1t brings to mind that great say
ing What might have BEEN" For
the life of me I can't understand
how man could commit such a.
crime. Her figure. is a perfect fifty
seven. In an evening gown she
looks like a Heinz pickle. ] saw her
in bathing suit once. She looked
very well in the water, especially
when she was UP to her neck. The
only way to improve her appearance
would be to go in deeper. She has
universal feet. They're so universal
that while in a Pullman sleeper on
their honeymoon the porter shined
one of her shoes and suit case.
While we are discussing size / wish
to say that the trouble with stout
girls is they roll off your lap SO
easily.
My neighbor took his wife to New
York for the honeymoon. After he
was there two weeks they were
settled somewhat and his brother
went to New York City to see the
geological garden and the freaks,
but as soon as he saw his brothers
wife he went home satisfied.
New York is great town. New
York is bounded on the north by
Yonkers. Yonkers is not fruit
like onions. Yonkers is next to the
largest city in America. New York
is bounded ON the bottom by subways
and sewers, and on the top by chorus
girls and roof gardens. When you
first reach New York you should get
familiar with the habits and customs
of New Workers. It's not difficult TO
get familiar, all you have to do is to
show Wad of money and six taxi
drivers, two head walters, three port
ers, nine hat boys and two hundred
and fifty chorus girls will chase you
from one end of the town to the
other They are thinking OF build
ing round courthouse in New York.
suppose it's because court can't
be on the square. When l was in
New York / heard song entitled,
"If New York Is Sick OF Racket, Is
Chicago Illinois," Gee whiZi / have
to get off this subject because the
Homely Ladies Journal asked me to
write about Love, Marriage, Spring
time and June.
Perhaps the readers of this article
have an idea that | am going to write
things about the inner circles of mar
red life. They are wrong. l don't
use that kind of language
Marriage is simply question OF
dollars and cents Women marry
for dollars and cents. Men marry
because they have no sense. Love
intoxicates a man Marriage sobers
him up. Some men get married and
think it over. Some men think it
over and don't get married. They
say marriage is blind, but the neigh
boris aint Before marriage you call
the girl your little angel. After mar
riage you wish she was. A man will
spend more money in one omonth
while he is courting a girl than he
does all through her married life.
There are two periods in mans
life when he doesn't understand Wo-
men-before and af er marriage.
t. r. L, =.