South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-02-09

What laws does your state legis-
lature enact?"
1T spent two days recently dis
cussing an increase in the dog tax"
Turning 10 Judge Funk the ex-
aminer said: ~ our honor. ] think
this man will make a good citizen.
Suggest you admit him"
Sure thing" said the judge.
We do not want TO hurt anybody's
feelings, but there are some classes
of work paying big wages that will \
not meet further demands. Don't ]
strike unless their is a chance to
get away with it. Such chances are
fading like the December snow.
Well be so dry, We'll be so dry
in this here country by-and-by that
those who used to guzzle it will have
TO prime themselves to spit.
Another thing Is, girls have too
much gumption to want people even |
to suspect they are shaped like the
fashion pictures draw them.
The New York magistrate who |
ruled that a wife had a right TO |
search her husbands pockets wants !
TO Kill the reporter who printed the |
story. His wife took him at his
word the very next night. But what
| difference does it make whether it ,
! be right or wrong, provided there is
money or suspicious letters in his
| pockets?
A mother of seven daughters
knows exactly how the alignments
Of life are arranged. and she is GER
tain that she and daughters consti-
tute one lineup against the COM
mon enemy-the old man.
! Our notion of a man who believes
| that life is merely an opportunity of
doing just one grand thing after an
| other is one who will start early this
morning and hook up with the Ar
menian fund with a good hefty
| check.
A Pennsylvania war widow has
enlisted the aid of her congressman f,
in getting a loving man for a hus-
| band. and she says she is able TO
support a good husband. Misha- |
waka is the town for that lady. We
have lots of men who are ready to
marry when they can find women
willing and able to support them.
]
The widow of Bob Fitzsimmons |
married the other day, and she told |
| a reporter: q haven't forgotten |
Bob; I lived happily with him and
love him still" And Bob is very
still.
If your employer is your adver- !
sary or if your adversary is your en- |
ployer avoid the strike or the lock- /
out. agree with thine adversary |
quickly" You are a nut, if you
don't.
Germany probably feels like a fell |
low on the operating table. waiting
/ for the surgeons in an adjoining |
room TO decide whether they shall
unjoint him at the neck or the hips. |
Somebody tells us that the drum
was the first musical instrument |
/ Gee. but there was some incentive |
for musical progress. wasn't there? |
A lady phones us to say that the
farmers are to blame for the high
price of produce at the present time.
Well speak to the farmers. They'll
listen to us.
! They say many men of the A Z.
/ +. have during their absence gone
back on their American sweethearts.
/ That's bad if it be true, but a boy
5000 miles away from home amt
in no fix TO encounter the soft ap-
pealing glow Of dark eyes peering
! through dusky lashes, as they would
say i'm Ozark county, Missouri.
A bill is before the state legisla-
ture TO increase Mayor Gaylor's
salary by $500 annually. This is to
recompense him for his arduous du-
ties as manager of the electric light
and water plants They're saying in
Mishawaka the thing can't be done;
that it is illegal We feel sure the
city attorney will go to indianapolis
and protest against the mayors
wage boost. The next thing 10 ex-
pect is. George Mcbride will be de-
handing an increase to his pay as
! patrolman because he drives a livery
automobile.
When a man measures his own
Importance by the size OF the town
] l.,