davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
Lucky Man

At church conference speaker
began a TRADE against the universe
ties and education, expressing thank
fulness that he had never been cor
rupted by contact with college.
After proceeding for a few min
utes, the bishop, who was in the
chair, interrupted with the question:
"Do understand that Mr.. Dobson
is thankful for his ignorance?"
"Well, yes," was the answer, you
can put it that way if you like"
well, all have to say" said the
prelate in sweet and musical tones
-'all l have to say is that he has
much to be thankful for"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES

Schoolmasters have often serious
problems to solve. The following
note, containing only one word, was
recently handed a Thanet peda-
gogue: w
"Cepatomtegoatatu
The missive was rendered by one
Of the boys on behalf of neighbor' 8
child. 4
The school master was nonplussed
for the moment. But he had receiv-
ed too many weirdly worded notes in
his time to allow this one to battle
him. Albeit ii was not till the work
of the school was over and much to-
bacco had been consumed that the
word at last yielded its mystery:
Kept at home to go a-taturing.
London Chronicle.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
HARRY NoRTHUP woRsTED

In scrimmage with COW at the
stock yards Tuesday forenoon III. A.
Northup suffered two broken ribs
and some slight bruises. 1t seems
the COW wished to get to its calf,
probably thinking more of the calf
than of Harry and when making for
the opening to do so, Harry tried to
head the critter off. Harry was
somewhat stiff from the effects of
some ball practice. and result, they
both reached the opening at the
same time. which was too narrow
for both Harry and the COW to get
through without squeeze and Har-
ry got the squeeze. Harry had his
injuries attended to at once and
went to his home where he will be
compelled to remain several days.
We missed him very much from
ball practice Tuesday night, but
we hape he will be around again
soon,
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
FORMER AUDUBON GIRL
WILL GRADUATE TOMORROW

Mr. and Mrs. A. Fl. Dollahide re-
ceived announcements Saturday that
their granddaughter. Miss Marjorie
Huntsberger of Gulfport. Miss. will
be one of a large class to graduate
form the Gulport high school tomor-
row friday May %, 1919. Miss
Marjorie is one of the class officers,
being the secretary The class mot
to is, Lets Get Where We're Co
ing" Glass colors. green and
white; class flower, the daisy. Miss
Huntsberger is the daughter of Mr..
and Mrs. c. Huntsberger who left Au-
dubon years ago when Marjorie was
yet a little girl. Mrs Hpntsber~er
and daughter have visited here
annually every summer with her pa
rents. Mr.. and Mrs. Dollahide and
other relatives and friends. The
many friends of Miss Marjorie will
be pleased to learn of her success in
graduating with high honors.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
Too Late

The professor of a certain medical
college asked student how much OF
istered to the sufferer.
"A tablespoon full" promptly an
swered the young man. In about a
minute, however, he raised his head
and said:
Professor, would like to change
my answer to that question: The
doctor took out his watch.
my young friend" he observed
gravely, too late! Your patient
has been dead forty seconds! Ed
inburgh Scotsman.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
WomanIike, Etc.

Old Bumpus was puzzled. Women
were queer, there was no doubt Of
it.
"Oh. dear, wish we had big.
lovely housed"
What for?' said Old Bumpus,
just to humor her.
I'D like to give party" she an
swered.
Have you such crowd of
friends it would give you pleasure to
invite?"
''Y-yes. But such lot that it
would be heavenly not to invite!"
said his wife.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
FIRST RIDE ON TRAIN

Mrs. Ann Hogg of Queen City,
Mo-. is visiting with Mr. and Mrs. j.
M. Brown in Franklin township,
near Cincinnati, Ia. Mrs. Hogg is
~ years old and experienced her
first train ride from Queen City TO
Cincinnati to make her visit. She
is an aunt of Mr.. Brown.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
He Was on the Right Track

DIR. ]. M. buckley. the Methodist
divine, was asked one day to conduct
an experience meeting" at colored
church in the south.
A colored woman arose and bore
witness to the preciousness of her
religion as light-bringer and comfort
giver.
That's good, sister!" commented
DR.. Buckley. "But now about the
practical side. Does your religion
make you strive to prepare your
husband a good dinner? Does 1t
make you look after him in every
way?"
Just then DIR Buckley felt yank
at his coat tails by the c6ored
preacher, who whispered ardently.
press dem questions, doctor; press
dem questions. OATS my wife. ~
Ladies' Home Journal.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
Misplaced sympathy

Man. Sandy. is that you?" ex-
claimed in surprise an old man in
the street the other day
Man. thoct We We're deid. I
heard We were drooned."
"Oh, no; ii wasna me-" returned
Sandy. solemnly, ut was ma
brither." y
whit pity! Whit a terrible
PITY" - 81
There was somewhat thoughtful
look on Sandy's face as he wandered
away -Edinburgh Scotsman.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
NO Chaice FOR Posing

"You seem to be very fond OF jazz
music" Il
Eyes" replied Mr.. Cumrox; you
don't have to put on formal attire
when YOU listen to IL: nobody asks
YOU who wrote 1t, and You don't have
to pretend YOU understand it.
Washington Star
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
The I.andlubber

Miss Softleigh (watching revolv-
ing light ri the light houses) How
patient sailors are!
Coast Guard-How. indeed?
Miss Softleigh-They must be.
The wind has blown out the light
six times and they still keep light
ing II again. Marine News. -
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
STEEL RIM ANp CASING LOST

Lost-4x34 casing on steel rim
between Audubon and Manning II
found communicate with this Of
fee. 21-2i
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
Business and Pleasure

BUSINESS ana Treasure
Blondine:-''Did you have good
time at the dance last night?"
Kinda"
who was that handsome chap
saw you with just after the intermis-
sion?"
''He is a stranger in town"
''Dashing, isn't he?"
''Nerviest gink ! ever SEEM
II noticed he had his arm rather
tightly about you"
81 didn't mind that so much"
What them"
do you know why he had me
clutched that way?"
mo-"
We'll, would you believe it, he had
me that way so / couldn't escape,
and all the time we were dancing he
was trying to sell me some life insur-
ance. youngstown Telegram.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22
JUST FOR FUN
Model Woman

Mr.. links came home at an I'M
seemly hour one night, and was sur
prised to see figure sitting up for
him below stairs, with no other light
than that of the gas lamp to keep
her company. E8i
'MSM-Marie,' he said huskily
"y-you should not sit up s. late, when
I'm on business" -
AS Mrs. Jinks did not answer him,
he continued in an alarmed voice:
"Shorry, m'dear, but it's last time
tell you I'm sorry" tlil
At that moment Mrs. Jinks'j voice
was heard from the top Of the
stairs:
who are you talking to at this
hour of the night?" she asked.
"Thash what I'd like to know
m-m-myself," stammeered Jinks.
Mrs. links fastened downstairs,
lamp in hand.
'It's the model" she said; ''the
model I bought today to fit my dress
es on "
Eyes, thash So" said links top
silly; model woman-didn't talk
back-make some fellow good wife
-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-05-22

y .
,s Nal
Atlan
Mil
day Il
Jol
Mond|
friend
Mr.
entert|
Christ
Pol
Iowa
the u
Mrs
at thu
Frida
Spirit
Mis-
teachI
durinI
urday
buque
Th1
Tuesd
at Elk
fill uI
the c |
a dels
Fra
Sarah
Layla
of Mil
bon II
home
u.
Propf
able
Goenl
sister
depar
Mr. |
with |
store
Mrs.
where
or sin
fannilI
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03

When Detroit Vapor Oil Stoves
we're perfected the phrase.
Tighten the Burdens OF Wives and
Mothers" headed the list of objects
that we're imperative to conquer
The glowing success OF the makers
can be fully determined only by
hearing its praise sung by one OF
the many thousands of thrifty
women owners throughout America.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03
New Elixir, Called Aspironal,
Medicated With Latest
Scientific Remedies, Used
and Endorsed by European
and American Army Sur.
geons to Gut Short q Cold
and Prevent Complications.
Every Druggist in U. s. In.
structed to Refund Price
While You Wait at Counter
If Relief Does Not Come
Within Two Minutes.
Delightful Taste, Immediate
Relief, Quick Warm Up.

The sensation Of the year in the drug
trade Is Asplronal, the two minute cold
and cough reliever, authorize lively
guaranteed by the laboratories: tested,
approved ana most enthusiastically en-.
dorsed by the highest authorities, and
proclaimed by tho common people as
ten times as quick and effective as
whiskey. rock and rye, or any other cold
and cough remedy they have ever tried
All drug stores are now supplied with
the wonderful new elixir, so all YOU
have TO do to get rid Of that cold Is to
step into tho nearest drug store, hand
the clerk half dollar for bottle OF
Aspironal and tell him 10 serve you two
teaspoonfuls with four teaspoonfuls OF
water In glass, With your watch In
your hand, take the drink at one avail
low and cali for your money back In
two minutes Il YOU cannot feel your cold
fading away like a dream within the
time limit. Don't be hashful, for all
druggists invite YOU and expect you TO
try II. Everybody's doing Il,
When your cold or cough Is relieved,
take the remainder of the bottle home
to your wife and babies, for Aspironal
Ia by far the safest and most effective
the easiest TO take and the most agree
able cold ana cough remedy for infants
and children. adv,
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03
Facts About Food Prices!
GAN ADVERTORIAL BY J. M. fly

There is conspicuous lack Of unity among the Amer
lean people today and this lack Of unity working serious
hardship upon the general public Every fellow seems to
be out for himself and few to realize that without CO.
operation among all classes there can be but one result
and that is high prices scarcity of certain articles at GER
tain times, and generally unsettled conditions.
The man who owns house figures that owing to in.
creased taxation and cost of living and repairing etc. he
must have increased rentals In all lines this same thought
pervades Yet of all lines the wholesale and retail grocer
is most blamed for high prices when as matter of fact he
operates smaller profits than any other business in the
world
There is but one way to checkmate high prices, and
that to do with less and avoid waste There is not
family living in the city of Memphis today with but few
exceptions which could not by the exercise of little con
troll and little judgment do without great many things,
and cut expenses materially
In this respect the writer begs to call attention to the
Bowers Stores foryfcur in number which operated
primarily for the benefit of the public That the Bowers
Stores occupy leadership position in the city Of Memphis
in the retail distribution Of food is evidenced by the fact
that every store in the city, with but few exceptions and
especially chain stores fight the Bowers Stores for all they
worth all the time Their sole object apparently
to be to the Bowers Stores from the path that will
lead them to higher profits.
This article not written for the purpose Of soliciting
business although every nickel spent with just
that much to our mutual benefit The Bowers Stores are
not soliciting through advertising anything but your
friendship and good WILL for they somewhat afraid Of
their ability this coming Fall to have the goods hand
to supply the trade especially in view Of the heavily in
creased sales they have made during the past few months
These facts submitted for your consideration may lead
you any conclusions you may draw but the point of this
article is merely this and this extravaganza is
very large contributing to the high prices now
existing and to the general scarcity Of goods and there
FORE the urgent need of sensible economy.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03

Not long ago there demand on the part Of organ
lied labor and particularly from those branches operating
the railroads that either wages be increased living costs
lowered.
This action but expressed the thoughts of large part
OF the public along the lines The newspapers began
the usual TRADE against proteerng and of course CEN
tered their fire distributors of food saying very little
about those manufacturing and selling clothing Shoes etc.
The President returned from Europe and met the de-
mands OF labor with the assurance that everything possible
would be done to lower living costs. and denounced
vicious trade practices" as being contrbutory not the
chief cause Of high prices Government machinery was
set in action and among other things the meat packers
were asSaled, and considerable agitation followed.
AS result Of this agitation we today find ourselves
in no better condition materially than previously and no
relief in sight 1t is true that the meat packers reduced
prices to some extent immediately and defended their
tons right along the line usual but these prices are
gradually easing up again to their former position.
There is serious scarcity of sugar; markets seem
stronger most food products and not only are prices
showing strength but there an alarming scarcity Of GER
tain food supplies with every prospect Of higher prices
foods this coming winter and general scarcity than
has heretofore existed There is scarcity Of materials in
all lines there scarcity Of labor in all lines with the
result of curtailed production in all lines and this can
mean but one thing-hgher prices
AS the writer has before remarked people seem
to be buying reckless and without regard to the future
and this extravaganza is bound to be felt.
Next we are under the burden of heavy taxation and
heavy labor COSTS and these two elements as factors are
bound to push prices higher and keep them high but the
most serious factor Of the situation is the export trade
which is absorbing supplies just tre ahead of pro-
duction
People are always anxious for causes and as causes
of the present and prospective situation there mum
Der Of factors entering into the situation that may account
for high prices For one thing people seem to have lost
sight Of the fact that is all that Sherman said ii was
and that the reconstruction period following is
worse than war in some respects.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03

There is an old saying to the effect
that clothes don't make the man"
And, according 10 John Patterson. SUI
perintendcnt of the great new Ring
ling Brothers and BNrnum & Bailey
combined menagerie, animals don't
claim attention Just because they're
worth a heap Of money" In proof Of
which he compares the relative drawing
power between such priceless exhibits
~ a herd Of eight elStfes easily worth
100000, and the lowly monk
Patterson asserts that the monkeys
attract more attention than any other
species Of animal IN all the cages OF
the zoo.
OF course" he says. now that we
have added the lion .slayer monks and
the several varieties OF black apes and
balloons to our collection we have a
truly remarkable variety OF simians.
But mere variety seems hardly q sur.
ficient reason TO 1plain why the monks
are preferred 10 such priceless animals
AS our CRATES, two-horned rhinoceros
and other tnenagerte habltants, any ore
q which has greater cash value than
Al the monkeys put together. Ny so
luton Is that II Is because Mr., Monkey
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03

Is born actor There's Cap. Congo,
for instance Since he is thought to be
the biggest ape ever taken captive and
so quite able to do his act alone, do
you suppose he doesg Not a bit OF It.
Cap. thinks he has 10 have a real act
with supporting cast, so he has made
friends with Tommy TiolSles, one OF the
riding dogs And whenever a sufficient
crowd gathers before his glass front
apartment the venerable Cop. puts his
arm. around Tommy, as much as TO
say, See the happy familyT or course
this makes a hit with the audience and
many stay for the second show, Then
the trumpets begin to fan-fare for the
opening OF the big Introductory pageant
and everybody starts for the seats, I
don't think | am exaggerating when I
say that two-thirds Of the people who
visit the show miss q great part OF
the many wonderful things in our me-
ma gerie because they get high sign
from some wise Old monk half way
down the avenue of cages and let hiEn
and his comrades keep them until it's
time to 80 into the big-show tent.
Ringing Brothers and Barnum 4
Bailey Combined will exhibit here Mon
day, Oct. ~.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03
SAWMHL BURNS.

CoRINTH. Miss, Oct. g. tSpl, 1.-The
sawmili OF John Purvis Of this city. To-
Gated near Chewalla, Tenn, a few miles
morning the fire being discovered after
II had gained such Roadway as to be be-
You'd control.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-10-03

Many fatiguing hours can be elm
mated every month In your hot,
sultry kitchen over an old-fash-
toned wood or coal range by the
use OF a Detroit vapor OIL Stove,
which is clean, safe, odorless and
smokeess.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1919-01-19
Pcrishcd by sword.

IF, after long vicissitudes. those
who wished to reign by the sword
have persisted by the sword. they have
but themselves TO blame. They have
been destroyed by their own blind
ness. What could be moro significant
than the shameful bargains they at
tempted to offer t. Great Britain and
France at the end Of July. 1914. when
to Great Britain they suggested. al
low us to ATTACK France on land and
IS" will not enter the channel and
when they instructed their ambasSa-
Tor 10 France to say: We will only
'cccpt declaration Of neutrality on
our part If you surrender TO us
briey. TOUI, and Eerdun.' 1t is in the
light of these facts. gentlemen. that
III the conclusions you viii have to
raw from tn" war will take shape.
Your nations entered the war sue
'eSSively, but came. one and all, to
he help Of threatened right.
Like Germany. Great Britain and
France had guaranteed the independ
encr OF Belgium. Germany sought to
rush belgium, Great Britain and
france both swOre to save her. Thus
from the very beginning Of hOstiliticS
anne into conflict the two IDEAS
which for fifty months were to strug-
gle for the dominion Of the world
the idea Of sovereign force which
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1919-01-19
End 10 VAST scandal.

The American people wished to pUL
an end to the greatest scandal that
has ever suIlied the annals OF man
Kind. Autocratic governments, having
prepared in the secrecy OF the chan
reIl0ries and the general staff a mad
program OF universal dominion. at the
time fixed by their genius for intrigue,
let loose their packs and sounded the
horns for the chase, ordering science.
at the very time when it was begin
ming to abolish distances, to bring
men closer and make life Sweeter, to
leave the bright sky toward which it
was soaring and to place itself sub
missiVely at the service Of violence
lowering the religious ideas to the tN-
tent Of making God the COmplaceHt
auxiliary of their passions and the a.
complete Of their crimes. In short
counting as uOught the traditions and
wills of peoples, the lives Of citizens
the honor Of women. and all those
principles Of public and private NOR
atty which We. for Our part, have en-
deavored 20 keep UnalteTed through
The war, and which neither nations no.
Peoples can repudiate or disregard
with impunIty.
while the conflict was gradually
extending over the entire surface Of
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1919-01-19
GLENENcEAU SAYS
LEAGUE IS sure

r.
!; PARIS, jan 10.-Premier. CIemsa-
cesu, after being. proposed as presi-
dent OF the peace conferences, replied
Z you would not expect me to keen
silent after what the two eminent
statesmen who have just spoken have
said. I cannot help expressing my
great. my profound gratitude to the
ilIustrous President OF the United
States, to the Prime Minister OF
Great Britain, and to Baron Sonnino
for the words that have just heard
frbm their lips.
President Wilson has special au-
thority to say that this il the, first
time in fact that the world has ever
seen assembled together q delegation
of all the viyilized nations OF the
earth a..
. Il, said, in the chamber q few. days
ago. and wish to FepSst here, sue
cess is not possible. unless Wesremain
firmly united. I'VE have come together
as friends. We must leave this hall
as friends. That, gentlemen. is the
hrst thought that comes to me All
else must be subordinStedi to the ne
cessity OF a closer and closer union
among the nations who have taken
part in this great war and 60 tbs
necessity Of remaining friends. For
Inc IeaEue; OF .nauOnS Is mere II ~
for yourself, il is for you to make 10
live, and 10 make itilive'we must hSTe
it really in our hearts.
: "As I told President Wilson a few
days ago. there is no sacrifice thar
am not willing to make in order to
accomplish this. and I don't doubt
that you all have the same sentiment.
e The platform OF this conference
has been laid down by President viii
son. 90. ...
at Is no longer the peace OF more
or less vast territory; no longer thh
peace OF continents 1t Is the peace
OF nations that is to be made. This
program is sufficient in itself. There
is no superfluous word. Let US Try
% act swiftly and wen.''
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1919-01-19
PRESIDENT NAMES
TIGER T0PRESIDE
Ccontinued dom First Page.l

Continued from First Page.l
and President Poincare began his
speech. Two hundred correspondents,
diplomats, and dignitaries stood on
tiptoe in an adjoining room to hear
and see what they could at that dis
lance. Premier Lloyd George entered
in the midst Of the French Presidents
address. He slipped quietly to his
place.
During the translation Of Poincare's
speech President Wilson leaned for
ward, listening intently. At the con-
clusion, Poincare first shook hands
with Wilson. Then he shook hands
with all the others, passing around
the hall.
Wilson then proposed Clemeneeau
as permanent. chairman.
After the address, the business OF
organization was taken up. All the
nations in the conference were given
places on the credentials committee
All powers were asked to submit
memoranda bearing on the respon-
sfbility of crimes committed during
the war. Memoranda were also re-
quested touching on international
labor conditions. Powers with limit
ed interests were asked to send
memoranda on questions of territory.
finance, and economics IN which they
are particularly concerned.
,Clemenceau at 4.:30 proposed the
league Of nations for nGideration at
the next meeting. The first sitting
adjourned at 4:3I.