The Washington herald., 1919-12-14
Prominent Men SizzLe
As Gridiron Club Dimes
CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE.

scramble them and produce the beau
tiful rabbit known as Government
operation and control and return the
hat unchanged to Mr.. Investor. MT.
Hines after adding the Plumb Plan
and other ingredients passes his mag
ic wand over the hat In despair he
announces that he cannot do the trick
and hands the hat to Mr.. Investor.
who receives II in Its awful condition.
not ft to clean. sell or give away.
He was told to take Il to Congress:
they would fix 1t.
A. man and woman appeared asking
endorsement of their platform Amer
lea for reformers. no foreign inter-
ference in our affairs and regulation
by US OF the rest of mankind. and ad-
monishing those present that anyone
failing to endorse them would be
marked man"
The music committee presented an
operetta entitled Utopia" depicting
some real and imaginary phases OF
modern life. A member stated that
the operatic drama was based upon
Sir Thomas More's idealistic story Of
Utopia" that land where all men
are equal. where the rent never came
due and where there always was coal
in the cellar. There was a king-a
Coal King. who sang:
Oh. for Garfield and the people 1
never stop to worry,
in a hurry.
I never cared for honors, hard coin
want and nothing more.
Just hand to me the profits. and let
the public roar.
Yes. my own idea Of greatest fun
Is high-priced coal and a short weight
ton,
My own idea OF greatest fun
Is high priced coal and a short weight
ton.
High priced coal and short weight
ton.
A ton of coal is a joy to me
And I'm the boy who Sells them:
The rich and poor must come to me
And know how to trim them.
A CAPITALIST who in a sweet voice.
sang to the tune of Hearts Bowed
Down"
My heart bowed down by weight of woe
To weakest hopes will cling.
Why does our Congress tax us so.
II can no comfort bring,
1t can. it can no comfort bring.
With excess profits. luxuriesr
And income taxes, too,
What chance is there to pyramid?
What can a rich man do?
What can a rich man do?
What can a rich man do?
The Landlord. the Grocer and the
Butcher sought Utopia where there Is
no fair price list. no salisbury act to
keep down rents and no Hoover to in
terfere with honest thieves. They
told their story in song:
We're a philanthropic trio. be it
known.
The prices boostin' of whate'er we
give.
In the int'rest of humanity alone.
OF wealth relieving those who care
to I've
The saI'ried gent whose worship vile
is dross.
We hates TO see him savin' of his
tin.
II amt cause gain to US to him is loss.
We eases him 'cause boarding is a
sin.
Chorus
Profiteers who fear no prison.
We are thrifty. we are nifty.
Each of us a-gettin' hisn
Heediess how the victims foam.
Easing many a hard-earned bundle.
On nervier coves you ne'er will
stumble:
We don't care how much you grum-
Charity begins at home.
If the ultimate consumer doesn't
or the tenant hesitates at bein'
plucked.
Then our monthly bills to them We
will embellish.
For the profiteers' progts can't be
ducked.
The widow-lady who 'er pennies has
to count
An the frugal dame, w'ot buys an
ounce of tea,
They should worry when the prices
mount ard mount.
Cause they don't need lucre half as
bad as we.
The Labor Delegate was seeking
Utopia where the union scale calls for
two hours work and twelve hours
pay. He sang:
With arrogance and loud acclaim
Proud Labor enters its domain,
II rules with iron hand,
1t dominates the land:
Before a cringing public takes its
stand.
The toiler now has ceased to toll:
His hands he now declines to soil,
With toll which sorely irks;
he ho
To the boss he leaves the sordid tasks
he shirks.
Chorus:
I've been decorated, decorated,
None more highly rated. highly rated.
I've been celebrated, initiated. emu
lated, elevated. sky high.
It's been freely stated. freely stated,
In me Concentrated. concentrated,
Are reincarnated kings and monarchs,
lords and barons, hence my
chest Is high. that's why.
-KING-It's the same old story. All
hunting Utopia where they can get the
best of everyone else. where they can
get something for nothing. Listen,
You band Of buccaneers. you are all
In wrong. Don't you know that in
this Utopia the people own everything.
There are no rents for the landlord,
food and fuel are free, nobody gets
wages and there are no labor unions.
~ XH @ KS EE'