davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11

l I understood he was injured. I haven
 heard from the grindstone "A man in a cooked hat cum up and
 said apology was doc me. The crowd had taken me for another man. I told
 him not to mention it and got on bored the train, which had stopped at that sta | tion 20 minits for refreshments I got all l wantid. It was the hartiest mea. ever set.
 "1 was rid on a rale the next day, a bunch of blazin' fire crackers being tied to my cont tales. But why continner ? Why lasserate the Public Boozum with these here things? Suffysit to say I got across Mason & Dizie's line safe at last made tracks for my humsted, but she to whom I'm harnist for life failed to recognize, in the emashiated bein who stood before her. the gushin' youth of 46 summers who had left her only few months before.
 ''I went into the pantry and brought out a certain black bottle. Raisin it to my lips, l sed, Here's to you, old gall I did it so natral she knowed me to onct. 'Tis he she cried. and rushed into my arms"
 On state occasions an adoring public dragged out the snowman and demanded speeches. He was seldom more inspired than then. For example: "G. Washing ton never Slopt over. imagine q. Wash ington and P. Henry in the character of seceshers, As well fancy John Bunyan and pr. Watts in spansled tites, doin the trapeze in one-hoss circus. I tell you, feller stterzns, it would have bin ten dollars in Jeff Davis pocket if he'd never bin born
 Along his way Artemus found leisure to write letters In epistle to his wife he described Harvard college a s a ''cele brated institooshun of learnin pleasantly situated in the bar of Parkers'' and see how cordially he could write to the Prince of Wales:
 "Friend Wales: You remember me say you in Canady a few years ago I re- member you, too. I seldm forgit a per son.
 T hearn of your nrrridge to Printcis Alexandry, & my objeck in now addressin you is to give you some advice frend Wales about managin your wife. manige my wife without any particlet trouble. When I first commenst trainr her insttooted a series of experiments, and them as didn't work l abandingd You'd better do similar.
 "Of course, now you're married you can eslt onions. I allus did, and if | know my oAi hart I allus will.
 wifo but once. I shall never attempt again. I'd been to a. public dinner, and had allowed myself to be betrayed into drinkin several peple's healths and wishin to make en as robust as possible,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
~mystification.o and the term fittsd

"mystification," and the term fitted Wards to perfection. Imagine an- nouncing lecture in. the metropolis with posters Inscribed. "Artemus Ward Will Speak Piece!" Imagine stick
 ing up hsndbills in out-of- the way vil
 lages, prociaiming, "A lecture will be delivered here in sweet voice, by Artemus Ward. the wild humorist of the plains, when nothing was fur ther from his plans, Ina zine adver tising that "A WARD HAS PICTURED BEFORE THE CROWNED HEADS OF EUROPE ever thought of slecturing"
 He loved a joke on his audience, and one evening in a town where his per-
 sonal appearance was not yet known to the public he kept a crowd waiting until they got all out of patience; then strolling out upon the platform, pro-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
"A deppytashun of red-faced men.

Things came to a climbmacks in a small town in Alabamy, where I was premptorally ordered to haul down the Stars & Stripes. A ppytashun of red faced men cum up to the door of my tent ware I was standin takin money Che afternoon exhibishun had com enst, and my Italyun organist was jerk in his sole-stirrin chimes). We air cum, Sir said a millingtary man in a cockt hat, upon a hi and holy mishun The Southern Eagle is screamin threwout this sunny land-proudly and defiantly scream
 in, Sir!
 Whats the matter with him. sez I, don't his vittles sit well on his stum- mick?
 We are cum, Sir, upon matter of
 You're right. Capting. It's every mans dooty to visit my show sed I.
 "'We air cum
 And that's the reason yoA are here!' sez I, larfin one of my silvery larfs.
 "'Sir, you're insolent. The plain ques- ton is, will you haul down the Stars, Spangled Banner and hist the Southern flag?'
 Mary histr Those was my reply. "'Your wax wurks and beests is then confiscated & and you air arrested as a Spyn
 "Sez I. My fragrant roses of the Southern cline and Bloomin daffodils, what's the price of whisky in this town, and how many cubic feet of that se- ductive flooid can you individually hold T "They made no reply to that. I was ceased and tied to stump, and the crowd went for my tent-that water proof pavilion, wherein instruction and anioosement had been so muchly com bned, at 15 cents per head--and tore it all to pieces. Then they went and bust in my cages, lettin all the animils loose, a small but helthy tiger among the rest. Excuse me if I was crooil, but I larfed
 boysterously when I see that tiger spring l ir among the peple. Go it, my sweet cuss, I inwardly exclaimed. I can't say
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11

off as lunatic in his charge. Wher- ever they stopped, Artemus would de. mand pepper and vinegar for the luna tic. who had genius for initiating the noises made by wild animals and employed it freely by way of protest Great was the sensation along their route. Accounting the adventure aft erward, Artemus called it "a solemn time."
 It was dangerous thing to go riding with Ward. You never knew what to expect-possibly some such prank the one he played while riding with friend along a level road with a perfect chasm of ditch alongside it. Of a sudden he said earnestly, "Reginald'' (the fellow s name was not Reginald, but Ward never addressed you by your right name), this thing is growing monotonous" yanked the rens to one side, and flung horse, buggy and all into the ditch
 You see how a joker of that sort chafed under the dull, grinding routine of his work on the Cleveland Plain
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
Hint We'll Taken

From the Rehoboth Sunday Herald.
 Tom.' she said, softly, as she looked trustingly into his eyes
 What is it, dearest?" he asked ter derly.
 Don't you think Tom" she continue slowly, that you had better throw away that cigar?"
 Do you object to smoke, my dear?" he asked.
 "Oh, no, Tom; not at all," shegreplied quickly. T rather like the smell of a good cigar, but-but-
 But what, dearest?"
 But you are so forgetful, Tom, and and-if you should forget to take the cigar out of your mouth you might-even a slight burn on my cheek, you know, would cause comment"
 The cigar was thrown away and a min- ute later there was nothing but a blush on the fair cheek to indicate that Tom had taken the hint.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11

Dealer. He simply had to bust loose" sometimes in a comic squib, now and then in one of those inspired filters about his imaginary show with himself as snowman, Outrageous yarns they were, to say nothing of the spelling. Papers the country over reprinted them. In the Sixties Artemus Ward was as universally famous as Charlie Chaplin
 is today. Do you wonder? Behold how he related his experiences among the ''Seceshers'' in Dixie:
 "State arter State seceshed and it grow ed hotter and hotter for the undersined.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11

man, who made use of his imaginary show when hard up for filters.
 I crossed his trail in Cleveland. While guiding me through the Cleve- land Historical Societys museum, the curator pointed scornfully at what I regard as it's most precious posses sions, and said in tones of deep dis gust. That chair That desk, For merly the property of Charles Browne of this city better known as Artemus Ward. Lacked balancew
 We'll, perhaps. Late one night in New York. he walked the streets sing ing a merry ballad at the top of his lungs When policeman stopped finl. he threw both arms adoringly around the officers neck and blubbered on his bosom. and finally bawled The met ropolitan policeman is the noblest work of God," At that. the astonishsd officer let Artemus go. and the ball. lad started up again. merry as before.
 Another night in New York. Ward and an actor friend of his put on sults of stage arnor and went out and spread conSternation among the popu- lace That time the law took it's course. and landed Artemusa in the Tombs.
 Frenchmen call the practical joke a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
HOTEL FLANDERS
New York City
1S3-137 West 47th St.. JUST OFF BROADWAY

The right kind of q hotel iD the right locality. In the heart of the theatre district and adjacent to the shopping centres. Positively fireproof. Excellent cuisine and an e1- ceptional orchestra. A large addition just completed. con- taining library. grill and bil- Hard hall.
 From Grand Cent tral Station. cars marked "Hi 5ad- way" without transfer: Pennsylvania Station. 1th ave. cars without transfer. Booklet upon request. H. R. SHARES Prop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
PORTO RICO WILL
 HAVE FINE HARBOR

San Juan, Porto Rico, April F. Work will be commenced within a fes months to make San Juan harbor tnf most important port in the Caribbean is the opinion of Governor Yager, who has recently returned from Washing ton. Governor Wager obtained ths promise of the government engineers to proceed with the dredging as soon as possible.
 Assurance has already been obtained from leaders in the insular Iegisia ture that the necessary legislation will De passed whereby the insular govern. ment will agree to refund to the fed eral government s1 100, 900 atAthe rate of s100,000 a year after the harbor inl- provements are completed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
Here Is Refrigeration
With Sanitation

The principle upon which this refrigerator was constructed is based upon many experi- ments conducted by refriger- ating engineers. very menas for producing a cir culation of cold dry air is embodied in it. Every method of lessening the dan ger of decay of any of it's parts is used. The food com partments are nodded in one piece, and all the corners are curved to make cleaning easy. The lining is heavy porcelain, glistening white and obviously sanitary to the utmost.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
A "Cheap" Refrigera-
tor Is Dangerous!

Your ice bill and your doctor bill are closely related. One of the greatest summer prob lems for the housewife is proper refrigeration of all foods. In warm weather, deterioration quickly sets in it is unsafe to use foods not kept cold before prepar- ing. To keep it cold alone is not enough, however. Even in many refrigerators there turks danger in the wood lin- ings or in the rusting metal Things. That is why we say a "cheap" refrigerator is dangerous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11
See It Here Tomorrow

We have not attempted to describe it's appearance, for, after all, you know, the chief thing is the principle in- volved. An inspection will satisfy you as to beauty of design. Let us explain to you how the cold dry circu- lation starts when the ice is put into the ice chamber, and how by maintaining a cold temperature, the ice melts slowly. See it's neat lines and it's beautiful finish. It will be a real addition to the kitchen. Convenient payment terms will, of course, be arranged, a small deposit being sufficient to- morrow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-05-11

Artenlus Ward, exhibit or of Three Moral Bares. snaiks in grate profushun. the only traned Kangaroo in Ameriky Ia amoosing Raskal-t'would make you larf yerself to deth to see the little cuss jump up and squeaD. wax fiGgers of C. Washing ston. John Bunyan and pr. Webster in the act of killing pr. Parkman, besides several misoil- lanyus moral wax statoots of celebrated piruts and murderers, etc. ekalled by few and exceld by none" was in reality a long. lean, yellow haired newspaper
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
NOTICE

tn the Commissioners Court for the Territory of Alaska. Div. No One, Before N. L. Burton. Commissioner and EX-Officio Probate Judge, Jul neau Precinct.
 In the matter of the Guardianship of the person and Estate of Marion Angelich, an insane person.
 Notice is hereby given that N. O. Hardy has filed petition in the above entitled Court asking that guardian be appointed for the per sen and estate of the above named Marion Anselich, an insane person, and tEat a hearing has been ordered upon said petition and will be held before the undersigned at Juneau, Alaska on May 21st, 1919. at 7 o'clock, pm.
 Dated at Juneau, Alaska. May 10th, 1919.
 NEWARK l.. BURTON,
 Commissioner and Ex-Oflcio
 Probate Judge.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
OLAF K. THOE AMONG
 EARLY GOLD SEEKERS
 WHO ARE NOW MISSING
Sister Writes From Burnett. Minn., With a View of Getting Some Trace-Was Headed for
 SkagWav.

The Alaska Publicity Bureau has received a letter from Mrs. c. H. Dalby, of Burnett, Minn., formerly Julia Thoe, giving the following sketch of her brother and asking for information:
 His name in Olak K. Thoe. He sailed in August 1898 on the steamer City of Topeka from Seattle, Wash, and was headed for Skagway' Alas ka.
 He was at that time about 20 years of age, medium size, dark brown hair and gray eyes. Wore miners outfit; was going to dig gold. Never heard of since The reason we haven't investigated be- fore was that the letter giving this Information was just recently dis covered
 q have found out that the City of Topeka is still in operation, bat that their records burned in 1906 so they could give no Information about the passengers in 1898 l realize that it is a long time since he disap- reared and t will be difficult if not impossible 10 find and trace, yet l hope, for his old mothers sake, that we could find out something. How wonderful it must he to live in . country like Alaska
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
EXCELLENT PROGRAM
 FOR GRADUATION OF
 HIGH SCHOOL CLASS
General Public Is Invited to Attend the Baccalaureate Exercises in Auditorium Tomorrow
 Morning.

< The Baccalaureate exercises for the graduation class of the Juneau High School will be held in the High ing at II o'clock. Rev l. T. Me Queen will deliver the baccalelurate address.
 In order that the exercises may be attended by everyone, the min isters of the city. who are all palti- cipating in the exercises, have ar ranged their services so that the members of their congregations may attend the baccaleaurate exercises.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
GOLDSTEiN IS DUE TO
 LEAVE VANCOUVER TONIGHT

l. Goldstein will leave Vancouver on the Princess Mary on his way to Juneau tonight, according to word received by his relatives here. IL panied North by Marion Goldstein son of MT. and Mrs. Charles Gold stein, who has been serving in the Navy for more than year, as he has been in Seattle for some time awaiting his discharge
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Special music will be furnished by quartette composed by Mrs. H. l.. Faulkner, Miss Nordling, Mir Harland and MT. Smith, while Miss Helen kelso will presoide at the organ.
 Ministers sharing the rostrom with Reverend Mcqueen Sunday morning are Dean Christian, Reverend Wag-
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
HENRY E. E sNAfA ANCEt- N

Mir. Van Andel had been for many years the commissary general of the Cunard line. upon whose steamship, the Aquitania. he arrived in New York to inspect the victualizing con- ditions of the line on this side of the Atlantic.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
LEAVE FOR CHILkOOT

F. c. Burkhardt, Mrs. Burkhardt, md their son were passengers on board the City Of Seattle, which was in port today, on their way to Chil- koot, where MT. Burkhardt is man ager of the Alaska Pacific Fisheries cannery.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
THE RESULTS OF A FALL"

This will be the subject of a ser mon at the Methodist Church Sun day evening at eight o'clock What effect has that fall had upon you! Come and hear it.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
NOTICE OF DISSOLUTION OF
 PARTNERSHIP.

The partnership heretofore exist ing between Joe Reidi and Theodore Heyder in conducting the business of the Peerless Bakery, at Juneau, Alaska, is this day dissolved, Joe Reidi retiring. All accounts due the partnership are payable to Theodore Heyder who assumes all indebtedness.
 JOE REIDI,
 THE0D0R HEYDER. May ', 1919.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
MOVES DREssMAkING PARLORs

Mrs A W. Rhoades has moved her dressmaking parlors from the Maloney Building to the First Ma tional Bank Building.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
HEWITT RETURNING

F. S Hewitt returned on the City of Seattle from a business trip to Petersburg.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Miss Sigrid Richardson, teacher of the Fairbanks schools. has handed in her resignation.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

NoTE-obseryations Farbor. Paul and Kodiak San and m. Juneau time.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
Personal Mention

Ludwig Carlson of Aux Bay and James F. Mcdonald of Aux Harbor arrived in Juneau yesterday and are at the Gastineau Hotel.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Earl NJ. Miller. who arrived on the City of Seattle this morning. is registered at the Gastineau Hotel from Seattle.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Mrs. Rosa Sheldon of Petersburg Gastineau Hotel
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
Juneau High
 School Notes
Dorothy Trnyl

Dorothy Troy
 The Senior Play, "All of q Sud den Peggy" will be given Tuesday afternoon and evening. The after noon performance is particular, for the children, though those who would be able to attend in the even. ing may also take advantage of it. The cast has worked very hard un der he skillfuf directorship of Miss Jones and it is left to those who see the play to judge how well they have succeeded.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

i>ut Ndi lSOu OL Auh IDdN Sii' James E. Mcdonald of Aux Harbor arrived in Juneau yesterday and are at the Gastineau Hotel.
 Mrs. J. B. Bernhofer, who has been ill at the Government Hospit tai for the past week, is convalesc- ing and will soon be able to sec visitors.
 J. J. Thompson, of the Astoria and Puget Sound Packing Com pany at Excursion Inlet. arrived in Juneau this morning and is at the Gastineau Hotel.
 c. D. Mcdonald arrived in Jul neau this morning from Petersburg and is staying at the Gastineau. the City of Seattle and is registered at the Gastineau Hotel
 Earl NJ. Miller. who arrived on the City of Seattle this morning. is registered at the Gastineau Hotel from Seattle.
 Mrs Rosa Sheldon of Petersburg is in Juneau and a guest at the Gastineau Hotel
 R. F.. Douglas. manager of the Tee FIarbor Packing Company, arrived in Juneau this morning from Tee Har- bor.
 Sam Sorrenson, a Juneau draft men, who has recently been released from the service, has been employed by the Pacific Coast Fuel as a bunk e'man, to succeed Philip IIoren, who resigned on account of ill health.
 Walter B Heisel and Mrs. Heisel are passengers from Juneau to IIaine on the City of Seattle.
 Deputy United States Marshal Fred Tanner, who has been in Ju- neau for the past week letft today on the City of Seattle for his home in Skagway.
 M. J. Joyce, who was Sergeant at Arms in the House during the re cent session of the Legislature, left on the City of Seattle for Jualin. Mrs. M Majewsky is a passenger on the City of Seattle for Jualin, where she will join her husband. w. C. Baird and J. W. Gucker, and A. Van Mavern, travelling men, left for Haines on the City of Seat tie today.
 James Chapados and A. g. Shar- key left on the City of Seattle for Jualin.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
A Special Value In Odd Pattern Table Napkins
 at IA Off

We need not lay too much stress on the present scarcity of pure linen, but we wish to emphasize the unusualness of this offering if for no other reason than that the price IS less than prevailing market quotations. Because there are no table cloths 10 match these pure linen napkins in several neat patterns are priced one-fourth less than regular prices. Pretty Embroideries to Beautify Under
 garments.
 Every woman likes to own prettlly trimmed underwear. Embroideries lend an indescribable air of refinement and seem to adom as very few trimmings :do. Plain and embroidered Swiss and .nainsook, headings, edgings and inser tions. Per yard . l0c to SLIGO
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

J. 5. Stanton of Seattle arrived on the City of Seattle and is registered at the Gastineau Hotel
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

R. F.. Douglas, manager of the Tee iIarbor Packing Company, arrived in Juneau this morning from Tee Har- bor
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

c. D. Mcdonald arrived in Jul neau this morning from Petersburg and is staying at the Gastineau.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
Weather Conditions as Recorded by the U S. Weather
 Bureau.

and Vicinity o 24 Hours Beginning Today
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Thea baccalaureate services for the graduating class will be held tomorrow morning at eleven o'clock in the High School Auditorium, and will be open to the general public
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

J. J. Thompson, of the Astoria and Puget Sound Packing Com pany at Excursion Inlet. arrived in Juneau this morning and is at the Gastineau Hotel
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
Women's Handkerchiefs, Very Special
 at } for soc

Good quality, plain white or colored, embroidered corners. Pure linen, ini- tialed handkerchiefs, narrow border, bemstitched.. Priced at .... 25c each
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Mrs. J. B. Bernhofer, who has been i'll at the Government Hospit tai for the past week, is cOnvalesc- ing and will soon be able to sec visitors
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

goner, Father Rocatti, Reverend Bruce and Doctor Condit
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

The Totem" will be out in the early part of next week As there is only 2 limited number of copies it is suggested that every Gne be prepared to buy one as soon as they are on the streets. Any orders should be submitted to Roy Tor when business manager
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

The senior ball. given last evening iii the High School Auditorium, was , huge success in every way Tie hall was decorated with red and black streamers, with kewpie, the class mascot, hanging down in the center of the room Very delicious punch was served during the evening, by the Misses Lillian Perelle and Lo- vna Carter, members oi the eighth grade Larson's orchestra furnished the excellent music. The patrons and patronesses were MT and Mrs. R. J Cragg, Mr and Mrs. Jesse Peters, Mir. and Mrs. H l. Lucas, and Mr. and Mrs Walter J Mana han. Though the Seniors, owing to their many other duties, did not attempt to decorate elaborately ev- cry one professed to have had quite as good a time as though great pains had been taken.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

May :. 1919.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

The final examinations for the year were over yesterday and al though next week will be taken ur with regular recitations as usual there will be no bug-bear waiting to be faced at the last minute.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17
L o c A L D A T A

CABLE REPORTS FOR 24 HOURS ENDING AT 9 A. M.
 YESTERDAY TODAY
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Sam Sorrenson, a Juneau draft nan, who has recently been released from the service. has been employed by the Pacific Coast Fuel as bunk eiman, to succeed Philip l1Oren, who resigned on account of i'll health.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-05-17

Walter B Heisel and Mrs. Heisel Ire passengers from Juneau to Iaine on the City of Seattle.