The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-07
7TIE Current Events club is modc5n

ladies assembled for that purpose. No man i
 is allowed to be present during these pro-
 ceedngs The only chance he would have getting in would be to disguise himself as
 lady. This Is highly expensive. It would involve an investment so large as not to
 be dwclt upon without a convulsve shud- der. He would have to be underwritten
 by pool of plutocrats. He would have to
 wear hat with ostrich plumes and a
 blue velvet chassis, He would have to
 adorn his extremites with female shoes,
 and hide his embarrassment in a th-ee-
 piece suit so perishable that no trust com
 pany would dare to place aa mortgage
 upon II. His fur piece and diamond cluster
 alone would make strong ffnanciers weep and tEere woIld also be interior decorat ones that would make even the bank roll of master mechanic look like thirty centimes It is possible, however by com pairing the testimony of a member Of
 witnesses, and finding out where they disagree, to get a fair idea of what goes on.
 T was so ohamed about the Balkans
 said large pink lady with & sealskin body, afterward: "Of course, knew there were Balkans but had no idea thew were so absorbing. Think of their
 bring on the war! Oh, yes, they did. She vouldt have said so is she hadn't known-shes perfectly reliable And do you know, my dear she has actually been there. She was too modest to mention it
 Tn the lecture of course. but it's ali in the printed announcement You must read 1t through-so ilTuminating I de- | Noured it: until I was interrupted by my nalrdresser-yss, she's really 1ne-keeps my marcelle perfect-and wasn't it won fIYT rr,l,n He was great English statemen. you
 know, ard such s delightfully."- rugged man II so sincere and moral. He was fright tuliy anxious about them years ago II
 mean about the Balkans-quite before l was born. I had no idea he had so much teel.ng-and fo- an EnSlishman too But l just adore Englishmen, don't you? Even 1T they are awfully distant at times-al-
 though I do think the Prince is an ex-
 ception--rerfectlv charming boy. Have | you met him? Oh, you should have. quite enjoyed having informal chat | with him. Think of your being some. day" It really embrassed him, you | know--l mean the thought of it. Such | dear. modest boy"
 l She made many more profound his- | tortca1 observations, but must tear my | self away from Ter at pdresent. and give | my relaved n-transit impression of the l affair itself
 M current Events clubs exits in many places, but in the Metropos do they | reach that intellectual perfection so ne,- | essarv to maintain our modern standards l of culture
 II The club meets on certain afternoons in the parlor Of a Gotham hotel. in other parts of which the food carefully guarded by very plain clothes men, is dealt out a [ | intervals to moneyed strangers who have come to New York to be relieved of | their valuahles and moral natures Tbe | club is presided over by an educated lady l who began her career in a correspondence l school of short-story- writing. but ahsn- | doned it to take up this larger intel1ac- | tUal 'irresponsbility.
 | She prepared herself for her duties bs | reading through one whole volume of the i Congressional Record. and the fact that | she survvied commands the respect of all | who know her. Even now. however. she \ cannot refer to this tragic period of her Il lofe without, tears. She has also travelled Il aboard with either Mir. or pr. Cook, | and has passed 8 winter in Washington. II where she personally met Senatirs Cabot N Lodge and Ham Lewis, besides Josephus H and Joserh Daniels and Humility, respec- II lively. She is therefore educated in the II oftiest and most Chesterfield sense. I As she appears on the improvised plat Il form. carrying sweet smile and a ban- II boo wand to roint out the world spots | on the maps behind there is homo II eeneous flutter of ostriches and airgrettes II and subdue1 murmur of applause. ac-
 compained by a general adjustment of \ furs and lorgnettes. Then the meta
 nhorical ball is passed to the the field. the Il plavers take their places in the boxes Il and the world series begin.
 \ Her programme is varied and complete. K It starts with account of the leading i wolld events since we last met and oc-
 "ssions many sighs of relief to think that
 nothing has happened to prevent her com II ing; for if she had caught cold or been N run over on tke Avenue these ladies
 assembled before her might have been II left in total darkness all the rest of their II lives They would still 20 on being alive. | would have gone on shopping expeditions ! and to afternoon teas and bridge par'ies | and box luncheons. but their knowedge ! nf what is going on in the wold- would !! have stopped short at the end of the last Y meetins-on tho day the miners wallSe ! out, or when the aforesaid Ham Lewis \ nut on red oravat to adress the co,,h- 1 try on the momentous issues of the day. | These would stili have gone on. glancine | over the paper left on the breakfast table II by careless husband, but who would be ' there 10 disentangle the Balkons. or to \ tell on just what spot onthe map Senor | Vincente Blasco Ibanez was egging on his II She begins with & story that is tied up II with lavender ribbons and trimmed with \ Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? II lace like box of candy, and everybody \ is put in good humor. World events must N always be served up in this manner H otherwise some Of the ladies might faint N with mitigation or borrow. and hSve to N be carried out in an ambulance at great II expense.
 II It appears that several things have hap II pened since tho last meeting. MT Com N pers hasn't been feeling we'll. MT. Lloyd H George las made another statement Wall II street has made another upset STSTSTs>S
 street has been completly upset lone II lady sniffs a bottle of whispers, MY H husband lost thirty thousand. Fancy!o. H Then there has been a lamentable shorti
 age of sugar. tut this will be relieved Ca H general relaxingl. There have been II couple Of industrial conferences at which II several prominent people spoke and Mas \ sachusetts has gone American. The II League, of which mention was made at Il the last meeting, is still bearing up and II course, one must be fair to the senators. II They really nice men. And one must
 be fair to the miners. They are also fair-
 il nice men, although soiled in places An II Italian professor has attacked Newtons II theory of gravitation CT had forgotten II that he invited it'' whispers one lady II But now I recall reading about it in II school'o. Paris, poor dear, is shivering II with cold. Ohio has put on rubbers Cor Il should it be cvershoesD Enver Pasha H has been having dreadful time with the III TranS-( ('aspiau Eume Is still Eiumlny