The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-06-13
'CAP'N'EzRA RILED
Ancient Mariner Has Trying Day
in Boston Town.
And He Will Find Many to Agree With
Him In His Positive Assertion
That "Umbrellies Is DAN
gerous Weapons"

heard a sigh behind me as l un-
folded my favorite evening sheet.
Someone settled into the seat and rest
ed wearily against me. exhumed my
self from my sheet and stole a side
long glance In the little leathery man
with the nervous bit of chin whiskers
recognized Cap'n Ezra Godskins OF
our town.
His mild blue eye caught mine and
l wished him good evening. He re-
piled with another sigh and the cryp-
tic remark, "Umbrellies is dangerous
weapons" Then, like another and bet.
ter known Ancient Mariner, he seemed
unable to contain himself and launched
forth into the subject that was tortur.
ing his soul.
This is the captains plant:
81 come into town this mornin'
bearin' no man any malice. 1t looked
like rain, but I didn't calc'late to let
that spoil my good nature. Most every
one but me was totin' a umbrelly.
81 was bumpin' along in the crowd
leavin' the station an just at the en-
L WAS SuIIOuuucu ny hNO Aos
old ladies who was so interested In de-
cidin' where they was goin' to meet
| for lunch that they didn't notice that
was standin' in the middle of the con-
| feerunce an gettin' the benefit OF all
the emphasis of the pointin' they did
| with their umbrellies.
"a lady pointin' one direction with
Ctnbn q
| a-pointin'..
81 squoze out Of there just in time
| to get gouged in the nigh leg by
| young feller that carried his umbrelly
strapped to the side of his valise. He
| gave me nasty look for bein' there.
1 started up the street and see fell
ler ahead of me carryin' his umbrelly
over his shoulder like musket. He
| turned to look into a store winder and
| bumped a old man into the side of the
| head with the muzzle of mis- weapon.
| They had some words.
"a young girl that looked bright
| enough to know better was carryin' her
umbrelly in the middle and talkin' so
| fast at the same time l guess she
| didn't know she was proddin' folks
both ahead and behind as though she
might be sayin' Get up, Jessie; go
long, Bill!'
"a tall feller with a black ribbon on
| his eye glasses was whirIin' his slim
umbrelly around by the handle, thereby
gettin' most of the sidewalk and lot
of unfavorable opinion for himself.
| He varied this a little by usin' 1t as
| cane, swingin' it well out in front
and behind. Every once in a while
it swang into some ones shanks or
| stabbed em in the instep. He sure
had the comfort an safety of other
| folks in mind.
"People used 'em as wedges to get
| into the crowd and as a pry to get out.
| One young feller / see was standin'
on the edge of the sidewalk, leanin'
| back on his umbrelly and talkin' to
| friend of his'n. Some felier goin
along mindin' his own business caught
at neat as ninepin.
"Now if he had had his umbrelly
hangin' down straight from his hand
| the way It should ha' been an been
goin' about his business instead Of
| blockin' up the sidewalk he wouldn't
had to go home and changed his
! breeches.
"The trouble is that folks who carry
| umbrelly so it didn't interfere with
anybody else is generally the ones that
| gets jabbed.
'I amt got the heart to speak OF
umbrellies when folks carries 'em
raised They is worse than dangerous
| then; they is positively deadly.
been dodgin' careless and thoughtless
| handlers of umbrellies all day and in
| the hands of them class of people that
is a dangerous weapon. Yes, sir. um-
brellies is dangerous weapon" n."-Bos-
| ton Globe.