South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-05-11

IA NeW York for S1.l0C,000 sub
scriptions TO Victory notes. We
supposed she kissed old John u.
Charley Schwab, the subway and
the Sugar Trust.
We do not doubt but that the
recent rains in Mishawaka will sup
ply sufficient humidity to keep the
spring gardens from burning up
still, one beauty about the oda
fountain tax schedule is that you
can take in enough cold stun 90
reven too great a rise in your
temperature when you pay the two
cents ice crea pinch.
The statistican who has figured
Out that the cost OF living mas de-
clined IS evidently the same guy VINO
figured out landslides for the demo-
Gratis IN those years when Bryan was
running for president
The Germans are Kicking because
they got only Z cents worth Of Amer
icsn food for their mark. What's
The matter with them Here in this
country we get only about z cents
worth for Il quarter and our money
is based on gold.
our old friend Pat Houlihan was
over from South Bend the other
DAY. and told US ne was getting
measured at the Dodge company
for an armor-clad suit. He has
been appointed solicitor general for
the new Irish republic. and will
leave for the Emerald isle as soon
as the sim Feiners get organized.
\ Tad, barber Of Chicago is de
PENDANT IN an alternating the ar
fections" suit. But We don't believe
she did it, At least, We can't be-
lieve hat any lady barber ever won
n affections % any man she
shaved.
We can not believe that Europe
viii have 10 undergo another eX'
perfence Of war bread. unless it be
90 prove 70 the people that there
are worse things than bolshevism.
IT the summer band concerts are
10 be held in the parks this year
We presume the merchants Will not
hoe called upon to pay the expenses.
After a man begins TO settle down
in the serenity and mellOwness or
middle age. 1t tickles him half 10
death at times to have his suspicious
friends accuse him of mischief which
were his wont when ne was devilisn.
sly. and high-stepping. and which
causes him to snort even now when
ne thinks about en-.
II the president hasn't put It over
on Lodge and BOrah, then the ossi-
ncation Of our cerebrum is complete.
and we are looking at the prospect
with glass eyes in our darkened
sockets.
A woman has been arrested in
Kansas for beating her husband in
public. We do not interfere in do
nestle Misunderstanding, but We
40 think that a lady ought TO have
enough respect for her husbands
.tAE AUIAAA6o ~ UNAN hAAA ~ a.
home. and not subject him 10 the
humiliation Of "A public w%alloping.
q
They say Japan has put something
over the Peace Conference, but not
over US. We knew Japan wasn't go
ing 10 give up Kiao-Chau before
Britain surrendered Gibraltar. and
we knew Britain wouldn't surrender
Gibraltar until the United States
surrendered the Monroe Doctrine.
and we know the United States
won't surrender the Monroe Doctrine
uStil Marse Gabriel calls time.
A feminine writer says mothers
should see hat infants get good
GOD Of the proper quality. That's
what they should do. for the poor
little babies have hard enough time
making through It the best. Z. S.
Why were there so few bottle babies
10 years ago. This means. WHY in
the devil are there so many OF them
now?
Anyway, IL is plain enough that
the SIS per cent AmericaniSm SO
abundant in this country Is nothing
TO brag about. for II generally
means that the 2.75 per cent Ameri-
can is 1925 per cent for the coup-
try ne came from, and TO which he
ought 20 return.
one Of the ladies of the W. c..
r. T.. says the superdreadnaught
tennessee viii be the last ship 20
be christened with wine. II looks
very much 10 US as II hereafter a
Christening ceremony viii onsist OF
wiping the nose Of the lighting ships
With a damp towel
In running utilities. Uncle sam
has shown 20 our satisfaction that
ae is a much quicker w~age-raiscr
than he is a reyenue-hnder TO meet
the pay rolls with
IL may yet turn out that the
inc Italian hand" Is only a bobtail
flush