The Washington herald., 1919-10-12
By
. MONTAGUE GLASS

that am very much in favor that
Italy should have Fiume and Ireland
should have Ireland and the street
railroads a seven-cent fare and any
thing else that they have been beefins
about in the newspapers for the past
year or 30. Abe. and give them editors
= chance to print on the front page
again a couple OF good. live. up-to-
date murders and a snappy divorce
case or So" Morris Perfmutter re-
marked to his partner, Abe Potash,
few days ago.
AT the same time you've got to ad-
NIT that this here De Valera had a
wonderful nerve to do what he did
do" Abe said. which when he en-
tered Fiume at the head of fifteen
thousand soldiers or fifteen hundred.
rs the case may be. because my recol-
lection amt very clear when 1t comes
to the numbers Of soldiers I read
about doing anything in the news
papers, Mawruss. on account for the
past five years we have go so accus-
toned to reckoning soldiers by the
million. that a few thousand soldiers
one way or the other amt going to
make anybody out a liar. II you know
what I mean"
And since when did De vaIera. got
any yInlnR 10 90 Win r lufncp AUG
Morris inquired.
Where have you been for the past
week, Mawruss?" Abe retorted. "Ain't
you read it where this here Italian De
Valera captured Fiume practically
single-handed excepting fifteen thou
sand soldiers?'
Il read II in the newspapers where
an Italian by the name Of D'Annunzio
captured Ffume" Morris said.
''D,Annunzio. De Valera" Abe ex-
claimed. Whats the difference?"
The difference is that De Valera Is
the President of the Irish Republic. :"
Morris said.
We'll. is It my fault that the Irish
Republic has got an Italian for a
President?'' Abe asked.
He amt an Italian" Morris de-
clared. Hes an Irishman."
Then why don't he get an order of
the court to change his name?" Abe
said. which IL the Republic of Zion
gets going in Yerusholoyim. do you
suppose for one moment that they
would elect a feller by the name Fitz-
patrick to be President Mawruss? Not
If his grandfather was the big Gomel
Raw even"
Maybe not" Morris agreed, but
lUtTc OlncT DClWctIl
DAnnunzio and De Valera. which
while some people might not see at
FIRST sight what there Is to distinguish
a man who believes he Is the presi-
dent of a republic which don't exist
at all and another man who believes
himself to be. for example, Napoleon
Bonaparte, you've got to admit that
along side of this here D'Annunzio. De
Valera is as well-balanced as the
chairman of the loan and discount
committee If first national bank"
And yet this here D'Annunzio has
got a big reputation as a poet and a
play writer" Abe said.
II know he has, and now he Is get
ting a reputation for comic opera also,
which the way that feller is behaving
you would think that he was the tenor
in a piece by the name of The Girl
Prom Fiume." written by himself. in
which he has given himself such a
wonderful part in the first act. Abe,
that it Is going to be practically i'm
possible for him to follow it up. yum
derstand. and the consequences will be
that before the curtain falls on that
poor schlemiel he is going to get
hooted OF the stage Morris said.
well, I'll say this much for him.
Mawruss." Abe remarked. hes
managed to get a pretty large audi
ence"
"I know he did. and his opening
duet with this here Gen Gasoline,
or whatever his name is, went big.
Abe" Morris said. but what is he
going to dosfor an encore?
AT that. I think he'll get out of
It somehow Abe declared. ION ac-
count this here D'Annunzio is a
very popular felIer in Italy"
so is George n. Cohan in the
United States. and can you imagine
what would happen to him II he
tried to pull of any such meises as
this here D'Annunzio in FiumeT'
Morris asked.
Well, il only goes to show how
different we are from the Italians,
Abe observed. which in a case of
that kind. Mawruss. instead of
meeting such a crank with a gen.
eraI and a little army of soldiers,
we wouldn't even call out the re-
serves from even one police precinct
We would of disposed of the whole
matter with one patrol wagon and
two men. including the driver, but
the Italians amt built that way.
When they amt excited. they can
a III
an artificial flower factory or a
barber shop as good as anybody on
the face of the earth, but just SO
soon as something happens to dis
turb them they get rush of opera
to the head"
Every nation is built in its own
way. Abe" Morris said. "and no
doubt the Italians is saying right
now that when we amt excited we
can run steel industries, drygoods
stores. banks and insurance COM
panies as good as anybody on the
face of the earth, but just so soon
as something happens to disturb us,
like the Senate taking one side or
a question and the President an
other. we get a rush of profession
al baseball-yes. and prize fighting
to the head. and some of US yell
about the President: Take him out,
and others shout at the Senate: :
Down in front there"
"I amt arguing that professional
baseball has got anything on grand