The Coconino sun., 1919-09-26
CHEERFUL CHIRPS
 (By "DEL.")

| UIlECllFUL UIllNI D : (By "DEL.") .. Mostly nonsense, except in . ' those rare intervals when a ( . real idea comes along and is . . grabbed off. . *<$%**<$$<+$*<%*< : |
 Walter Lindblom still insists that a large onion, eaten slowly, will destroy the odor of ice cream on the breath.
 The Haywood (Ill) Herald Record CT says: "We read that bustles are coming back. Woman is constantly enlarging her sphere. If it isn't one way it's another"
 The blessed chambemaid leaned out
 From a window close to heaven; As near as could make it out
 Twas room twelve hundred seven. Policemen, nurses, docs and such
 Came round to piece her out. It wasn't that she leaned too much;
 Too much of her leaned out.
 Industry is that devotion to purpose which enables boy to plan diligently for hours how to avoid 15 minutes work.
 This was in the Duluth, Wis, News Tribune few weeks ago:
 "To All Concerned: I hereby an- nounce that l will not pay any debts contracted by my wife, Clarice War ner, and that any one who extends credit to her will do so at their own risk.--Lloyd Warner"
 And this was in last weeks issue of the same paper:
 "Notice to all who know Lloyd War ner: Do you think l could get 25c credit on his name? Why the notice in last weeks paper ?--Clarice War ner."
 Settled woman wishes to reduce expense of trip to any place near or north of Omaha, Neb., before Sept. 15. Would accompany corpse. Tel 659."- Adv. in Los Angeles Times.
 Some more contributed epitaphs: Here lies poor stingy Tommy Wyatt, Who died at noon and saved dinner
 by it."
 "Sacred to twins, Charlie and Varlie, Sons of loving parents who died in
 infancy"
 "Here lies Johnny Cole,
 Who died, on my soul, Alter eating a plentiful dinner.
 While chewing his crust,
 He was turned into dust, With his crimes undigested, poor
 sinner"
 The editor was a believer in "yel- low" journalism, and ran this as a leading editorial: "The business man of this town who is in the habit of hugging his stenographer had better quit, or we will publish his name in our next issue" The next day thirty seven business men called at the of- fee, paid up their subscriptions year in advance. left thirty-seven columns VI ddNCIIiNih bO run anu told the editor not to pay any atten- ton to fool stories.
 "Mr. and Mrs. Thad Hoffman, os Wichita, announce the birth of baby girl at their home. This is the third girl baby born to them, no boy baby, and they have named her Plenty."- Abilene (Kan.) Reflector.
 NJ. I. Powers, president of the Citi- zen's Bank, came back from his recent vacation in California primed with lot of good stories, which he knows how to tell. Here is one of them:
 It was church entertainment. The program was mostly music. There were various instrumental and vocal selections, all very we'll rendered. Then came piccolo solo, which was not very high class. During sud- den Hull in the noise the soloist was making, a male voice was plainly heard to exclaim, disgustedly:
 "Oh, the d. son of a gun"
 The audience was amused, the per former insulted, and the preacher who was presiding was highly incensed. Striding to the front of the rostrum the latter demanded:
 "Who said that?"
 No answer.
 "I want to know who it was used that awful language, and I want him to apologize" the preacher insisted.
 Still no answer. The preacher re- iterated his demanI.
 Finally, after several minutes of this, man in the back part of the hall upreared himself from his seat, and said:
 "The question, in my mind, is not so much who called the piccolo player "a d. son of gun,' as who told the d. son of a gun he could play the piccolo!"
 County Attorney F. M. Gold says that where he lives in the western part of town the sun sets half-hour earlier than it does in the northeast ern section.