Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-09-14


i all. tho man who invented rented
umbrellas. He shall have his
place in line for lambasting with q
neckyoke even ahead Of the proflteer-
ing landlord and the tailor. who
charges me 50 cents for pressing my
pants.
speak from full heart and an
empty purse. Within the last twelve
hours I rented an umbrella. and that
Is why have not been able to do my
share recently toward helping the
w. r. e. G. out Of the hole. In other
words, the umbrella broke mo and I
am walking.
1t seemed lovely when I landed in
New York and found that could
rent an umbrella. On previous oc-
casions had gone there and been
caught In the rain-almost every
time I went there. In fact-and on
divers and numerous occasions I had
bought raincoats. Bought them at
outrageous Broadway prices and sold
them at marked down Washington
bargain rates. So when some one told
me that at New York's newest and
largest hotel an umbrella could be
rented for the day for Is cents,
quarter of a dollar. the price Of
shave, was happy beyond words. I
leaped across the street to the hotel
and made mad. mad rush for the
umbrella counter.
- =
Several hundred thousand other per-
sons also seemed to have heard Of the
same thing. In truth. they stood in
line for almost block. 1t was q
full fifteen minutes. or an hour. or
something before I got up to the
counter and made my wants known.
spent the waiting time in looking
out the window in a vain hope that
the rain would stop and in reciting
such things as know from memory
including the multiplication table. the
Ten Commandments, the Rhine of the
Ancient Mariner. my grandmother's
recipe for salt rising bread and the
Battle Hymn of the Republic"
The tired business man In charge of
the umbrellas yawned. looked at me
suspiciously and then began to FUN
BILE the umbrella for one that was
thoroughly ventilated. However,
did not do so badly. The one I finally
obtained was sound enough in wind
and limb.
"You will deposit $3.50 to insure
the return Of the umbrella and Is
cents rental" he said with great
finality.
"Of course" 1 said. handing him a
81 bill and starting to grab the UNI
brella and make way for the multi
tude behind me that likewise wanted
umbrella
"Your name," he said. reaching for
the umbrella.
Being somewhat damp and naturally
thinking Of things nautical. I re-
sponded with alacrity:
"Josephus Daniels"
The tired business man frightened
appreciably.
I'm glad to see you back so soon,
Mr.. Secretary" he said. II read with
great interest your announcement for
the presidency made last week in
Honolulu. BY tho way. are you creas-
ing your hat for good luck? I notice
that you have changed the style of
1t for the frst time since centennial
year."
Yes. yes" I said. trying to appear
embarrassed as any regular candidate
for the presidency would under such
circumstances.
Say" the tired business man blurt-
ed out. don't get fresh with me.
want your name. and I want It quick.
see!"
1 saw and almost stabbed myself
fatally with the fountain pen he
handed me.
Then darted out into the street.
OF course. could have walked a
greater part Of the distance to my
hrst stop under awnings. but. being
Scotch. walked in the rain instead
In order to get my moneys worth out
OF the rented thing. .. p.
The umbrella sifted water as per-
1ectiy as any mosquito netting.
4 4
There being M horo %o avail. "a