Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1919-10-27
THE CHATTING DISH

MY DEAR master, Socrates, having &c

Georgiana the bookworm, take my pen In
hand to say few things that have been
much on my mind.
In the first place, | think It was rather
unfair of Socrates TO go of just at such
critical posture of affairs The last thing
he said was that he was relying on me to
write something about King Abert's visit to
town, but in his excitement he shut down
the rolltop desk and left me here In my card
board box, 1t was only with the utmost
difficulty that | managed to nibble my way
out of confinement Then I found myself
covered by pile of at least 100 unanswered
letters. which Socrates had left. BY the
time ] had bitten through these and slipped
out through the keyhole of the desk, King
Albert and the procession were already pass
ing the office. With all haste | dashed out
on to the fire escape and uttered cheer.
fear it was but n feeble outcry, for l was
much exhausted by my efforts; but the
king, great and good man that he is, heard
me. | feel convinced of this, for saw him
look upward.
TT WAS natural that the king should have
been moved to hear me cry "Nive le roi
dcs Belges ~ for my French is excellent,
and | spent much time in the beautiful IL
brary Mt I.ouvain. 1t so happened that
spent some time in that library just before
the war. In the spring of 1914 found my
self in the alcovc containing shelves Of Ger
man books. and l have always felt rather
bitterly that my efforts to avert the war
never received their due recognition. 1t was
this way; On a warm afternoon in May,
1914, | made my way Ga little wearied by
toilng through n number of works on Ger
man philosophy into copy of Bcrnhardi's
famous book. Horrifed by what | found
there and n good deal fatigued by having to
work back and forth across the pages so
constantly in search of the verbs, ] saw at
once the hdcous menace that threatened the
civilized world. Instantly / set myself to
work to inform the Belgian authorities. But
my task was appalling. Between me and
the end of the shelf lay six solid feet of
German literature. I set to work, eating
my way day and night, uttering shril
screams of rage and alarm as I went. Alas,
that portion of the library was little fire.
Quented and no one heard me. perspiration
bedcwcd my brow as l butted and wriggled
fiercely through the solid tones. There is
still n bruise on my brow that | shall carry
to my dying day. Though i have shed my
skin several times since, / still have twinges
in that spot but I carry my scars bravely
in memory of what l tried to do for civii-
cation.
AAJl1EN lllp war DIDke Out, 10 my nOITOT L
w was still twelve inches from the end of
the shelf. 1t is a terrible thought to me
that if ! had known month earlier l could
have warned King Albert and perhaps saved
the world.
Then came a time of terror The great
library at Louvain was destroyed by the
brutal soldery of the enemy. 1t was only
the fact that | was still resolutely pushing
my way through the German books that
saved me. The contents of the German al
cove were carried out and preserved by the
boches AS one of their officers was carry
ing to safety the volume of Treitschke, in
which then was, I was privileged to dart
out and bite his hand savagely. He yelled,
dropped the book and ran.
TT WOULD be too long tale to recount
my adventures in full. After my assault
on this German officer l was, of course, ap-
pretended by the soldiery of the enemy. The
charge against me was that l had been guilty
of an unprovoked and brutal attack on a
soldier of the kaiser. If l had been in uni
form, they said, it would have been allow
able as an act of war; but the German court
martial where plead my case insisted that
as ] was civilian it was an act of atrocity,
punishable by death I was already facing
the firing squad when it was pointed out
that | had been found in a German book
and therefore perhaps was a German sub
iect. Seeing my opportunity, l insisted that
l was a German secret agent in disguise,
and that had been posted in the Louvain
library by the German espionage service TO
undermine Belgian morale. This saved me
and | was set free. Forced marches at
night across n desolate and ravaged coun-
trysde. brought me to n seaport, and finally
NJ
Hoover's commission. I can never thank
Mr.. Hoover enough for what he unknow
ing. did for me. Through the Offices of his
relief ship l was able to get to this great
and good country, where / am SO happy
to be.
90 FAR, my ambitions have not been
- wholly gratifed. 1 want to see the
Yellowstone Canyon, Miss Amy Lowell and
the Senate in session. have been living
very quietly here in Philadelphia, and
through the medium of the Chatting Dish
(Which l eat every day with relish) and
also in the admirable Quiz published in this
paper, | have learned a good deal about
America Socrates very kindly lent me
copy of the Congressional Record, which he
said would keep me occupied for some time
but I must confess have not enjoyed it as
much as ! anticipated. | have been par
ticularly impressed by the free verse of
Miss Amy Lowell. Free verse is delight
full innovation for the bookworm: the short
lines leave so much white space on the page,
and so the delicious flavor of the paper Is
not marred by too much ink. Next to a
nice old blank book or roll of white ticker
tame. a volume of free verse is the incest
thing one can find, and is never too much of
n strain on the intellect.
r COUNT myself lucky, on the WHOLE in
i having been able to settle down with
Socrates for while. His desk is curious
place, and no one but myself I dare say,
realizes what a pleasing labyrinth of con :
fusion il is. 1t is really very agreeable not
| TO know what one will come upon next.
| An old toothbrush, paper of safety pins,
| :. ..,s,.aah nine and nile Of stnn,ns anna