New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1919-02-16
By Haywood Broun

The scene is a lonely room on the
top floor of tall building in the City
of New York in the year 1919. Any of
the twelve months will do. The only
person on the stage is a middle aged
man of professional appearance who
is sending wireless messages. lie is in
deed a professor and he is trying to
get IN touch with Mars. The message
which he sends again and again con-
slsts of two dashes, a pause, two more
dashes, then long pause followed by
four dashcs. The professor has fol
lowed the suggestion of Marconi. He
is trying TO talk to Mars in the sup
poscdly universal message of mathc-
mates. His message is two plus two
equals four"
The action of the play is little
sluggish at first, for the professor CON
tlnues to send his message "two plus
two equals four" during a period Of
several hours. 1t is almost midnight
when something happens Suddenly.
The professor has received an answer
to his message. The answer is so faint
that the professor knows that it is no
earthly message The faint reply
which comes to his cars is "Cut it OUT"
Immediately the professor inquiries
'Who arc you? And where arc YOU ?"
The wireless conversation which en-.
sues may be set down as follows:
The Distant Onc-I am X. Y. Zlpq
in the City OF Gaboo.
The Professor-Yes, yes, but what
planet?
The Distant One Mars, of course.
The Professor have been try
ing to get in communication with the
earth.
The ID. O.-Hell, no! I'm busy. I'm
a wireless operator in Gaboo and this
ought to be my slack time of day. I'm
using my spare time to write a play,
but | can't get anything done tonight
because you keep buzzing that two plus
two is four in my car. Now ring off.
The Professor-But you must let nc
talk to you. I've been trying to get in
touch with Mars for years. I'm CON
WINGED that if we can only talk to Mars
we will find new ideas which have
never even been conceived on this
Garth
The D. Dwell, I've got a brand
new one in this play I'm writing.
The Professor-Yes, yes, you must
tell me. That is what we crave in this
world-new ideas.
The D. Dwell it's all finished ex-
cept the title. It's about girl from
Kazoo.
The essor-What's Kazoo.
The D. Otis little town out
in the country, and this girl leaves
her good home and comes to Gaboo
The Gaboo?
The D. O.-Yes, l told you. It's the
biggest city we've got. It's where
live.
The Professor-Oh, yes.
The D. Dwell this girl, she fall
for Gaboo society. She thinks it's tht
real thing. She goes in for it strong
and she forgets all about Kim Kzxy
The Professor Kim ky? What
that?
The D. O.-Thats the hero of tn,
play. He's a young fellow IN Kazo,
that little Ylq, she's the heroine, use,
to love before she fell for Gaboo so
ciety Right here the play begins t,
get interesting. Kim suspects tina
something's wrong and so he hotfoot
it to Gaboo. And what do you suppos
happens then?
The Professor-I don't know.
The D. Dwell, Kim just goes on
and shows up this swell crowd il
Gaboo. He goes to dinner and make
everybody sit and listen to him b,
the brilliance of his talk. Then h
wins 100000 from the villain and tn
villainess playing bridge, even though
he has little Ylq for a partner. AM
what do you suppose happens then
The Professor expressing grea
WEAKNESS in his wireless) What?
The D. Dwell, naturally, she fall
in love with him, that's Kim, all owe
again. But right here comes the big
gest punch of all. You haven
guessed it?