The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1919-09-12
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X IT'S A WISE MAN X
r (Another fable in slang.) +
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(By Roy Sheeran.)

Barney Moses never had any Natur-
al Ability. The first Lady to Lead
him before the Deacon and a Jealous
Throng of Males often told him this
after he Blew out the Kerosene Lamp
and Warmed His Side of the Four
Poster Bud had Big Hear and
Lost Sleep Thinking about the Cat
out in the Cold. More than this, he
had Guilty Feeling when he read in
the Newspaper that the Local Chari-
ties were considering New Way OF
raising Funds, for he Never Had
Enough in his wife's stocking at any
One Time to do more than Pay the
Landloard who knocked once month
on the Front Door as though he
owned it. They dared not Hope for
Children, for they lived in Cold
Climate and couldn't afford wool I'm.
derwear for Themselves. They were
Cautious, and knew Young Americans
required more than Soothing Syrup
before they Grew up and made their
! own Way in the World. The town
honored by the Moses family's pres
renee was Overgrown with Cattails,
and the People Bedded their Cows on
main Street at all hours of the Day
and Night. Its one Chance to Boast
was a Sawmill which was so Pro-
gressive it ran Full Page AID in the
| Clarion Once a, Year. Barney's Po-
sitions in Life were: Helper to The
Mills Manager in the daytime and
Backstop for his Better Halfs sar-
casm after the sun set Behind the
/. Hills. When he had nothing else to
do he would Split Wood and Wonder
What would harnen if he Lost his
! Job. In short, to, give him the Once
Over, Barney was Turnip with only
One Root. When the Rent moved
up another Notch after the Price
Fixer had Papered the Front Room,
Mrs. Moses said she was Through, and
Demanded Legal Separation. The
Complaint read Non-Support, and by
the Time Barney had Made up his
mind it was Lie and decided to Fight
the Case, he found the judge had Beat
Him to It, and the Missus had picked
Travelling Salesman with a Future.
This made him think and when the
Whistle Blew he decided he was an
Unlit Torch. Now that he Saw his
Mistake and found that he was Sin
gle Man and had Nothing to Do he
Registered Action and told the Chief
the Weekly Reminder needed Bracing
Up. He was so independent about it
that Gink in the Front Office got
| Scared and Gave In. Barney didn't
know what to do with the Present
after he Got 1t, so he Sailed it Down
and spent his evenings Figuring the
/ Interest. When he found he could
Afford to Put Dime on the Plate, he
Started Going to Church, and Joined
the Club. Townfolk woke up and,
Kept their Eye on Him. After two
years Mental Activity he discovered
a way of making Cork Lifesavers from
Sawdust, and he bought all the mill
had for Small Consideration. He
was left with enough to Start Fac
tory. From now on he was Made; the
citizens began calling him Mister; he
twas invited to Start Things at the
Annual Meeting of Foremost People;
and expected to Contribute to Every
thing When the Richest Girl in
Town condescended to Adopt his Last
Name Only the celebration was such
a success that the Big Town Papers
asked them for Photographs. Mr..
Moses Is now Plutocrat. His Life
is insured Ten Times and the Disor-
/ ganizers Take Crack at him every
time they Get Chance Sometimes
he wonders if it was his First Wife or
the Landlord that Put Him on His
Feet. He doesn't know yet it was
because he Got Hep to Himself and
put one Dollar out at Interest every
time he Spent Ten.
Moral You probably have never
worn a Life Preserver, and May be
Satisfied with your Wife, but if you
want to Leave the Bottom Rung to
Somebody Else you'll have to start
Saving More than your Neighbor. Buy
War Savings Certificates. and Watch
fthe Interest