Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1919-09-18
Church Trouble Makers Are
'"LitfIe Bunch of PhQriSecs"

J front SedLS were ever lHL6nueU IOI
you when you go to church. Peo-
pie might think you were interest
er if you got up under the pulpit
| I used to fire for the Northwest
ern railroad. I can run a locomo-
tive; if she blows out a cylinder
head, breaks a side rod or throws
a tire, I can uncouple her and
bring her in. I used to fire for the
Northwestern railroad. l carry q
little card that lets me ride. And
so we used to, when we made up a
! freight train. put the loaded cars
in front and the empty ones be-
hind because it pulls easier.
And don't for the world ever
think of praying for the preacher,
No, Or the church. Don't sing.
When you come to the tabernacle
or go to church, don't sing. Just
look like a barnacle, my friends,
on the hull of a ship. Don't sing!
And don't attend prayer meeting,
and if you do, why don't take part
! You know Paul said women
shouldn't speak in meeting. Yes,
but I will tell you sometime why
! he said so. 1t had no more ref
! erence to me and you than wear
| ing sandals instead Of shoes.
will tell you sometime. And dom
/ encourage the pastor, but tell his
/ faults to everybody you see and
! if his sermons help you, don't let
/ him know it, but if he says some
thing you don't like, get busy.
And if you see stranger in the
| a or J,
him because if you do he will
come back, and he might go to
heaven instead of hell. He might
fall in love with Jesus Christ and
hate the devil if you showed an
interest in him. Let him alone.
And never try to bring anybody
to church with you If you did,
you'd fill up the old ice house. Let
the pastor do all the work. The
general does all the fighting while
the privates sit around under the
shade. smelling the coffee boil and
the bacon frying. See that his sal
airy is always behind time. He can
work down here and board up in
heaven.
And if he doesn't visit you as
often as you think he should or
that you deserve, treat him very
coldly. He has nothing particu-
larly to do but to wait on you. He
only has to preach two sermons a
week, and run the prayer meeting,
and marry people, and bury peo-
pie, and settle individual and
church quarrels, and visit the sick,
and pray with the dying, and col
lect church subscriptions. The
church hires him just to look nice
and amsue you. He hasn't any
thing special to do.
And try and run the church. If
you see anybody willing to take
hold and help with the church
work, be sure and find fault with
them and accuse them of being
bold and forward. And never
speak to anybody about Jesus
Christ. Your pastor should do all
that kind of work-don't say
word. And don't be particular
about how Gods house looks in
side or out, but keep your own
fine:
Oh, you've got Persian rugs and
the candelabra of wealth on your
floor; the church is good enough
for the 35-cent ingram.
Insist on your views being adopt
ed on all questions brought up be-
fore the church. And don't give
in for the majority. This govern
ment is run on the majority rule
but in the church, the tail wags
the dog.
And when you are sick don't let
the pastor know anything about it.
Don't tell him. He is supposed to
find out and if he dosen't, then tell
people how disinterested he was in
you and he never came near, when
you were sick.
Sis, I bet my life just by looking
at you that's just what you've been
doin'. You've got just that kind Oh
map on you.
And if you see everything work
ing tremendously, get busy and try
and stir up fuss and engender
strife.
What directions are you giving
to people in your home? What di-
rections are you giving in your So
ciety? Following you, will you
lead them to Christ or will you
lead them to the devil?
Two men went to the temple to
pray-one a Pharisee and the 9TH
er a publican. The Pharisee stood
and prayed thus within himself.
q thank thee, God, 1 am not as
other men are,-plunderers. muir
derers, adulterers, or even as this
publican. / fast twice a week. l
give tithes of all that 1 possess"
And the publican, standing afar
off, wouldn't so much as lift up his
eyes to heaven, but smote upon his
breast and said,
"Oh, God, be mercifuI to me, a
sinner"
Jesus said, this man went down
to his house saved; that man lost.
They both went to church lost;
one man yielded to Christ and the
other fellow didn't. One went
home saved and the other lost.
What are you doing?