davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Luke McLuke Saws

Luke McLuke Says
 The giri who is so prudish that she imagines the men all have designs on her when she goes out should eat a large. raw onion before leaving the house and she will be absolutely safe.
 Any person who has been married ten years can tell you that she did not marry the best man at her own wedding.
 There may be better ways of cool ing coffee than the o. f. method of pouring it into the saucer, but sci ence hasn't discovered any.
 In the early eighties, when women wore bustles, we used to wonder if the women folks imagined that the nen folks never studied anatomy.
 Gasoline has it's ups and downs. In he days whom oil dealers charged 13 cents for gasoline, the kaifs sold it for dime But nowadays the kaifs get 50 cents for gasoline and the oil dealers get about "A cents for it.
 If mother whips the children, fath- CT lets it go at that. But if father whips the children mother boils over and intimates that it is father and not the children who needed the whipping.
 In spite of the amount of rouge you see on women's faces, there are still a few old-fashioned men who believe that paint and purity do not travel together.
 The reason why a corn fed girl claims that the uncorseted effect is becoming and doesn't make her look sloppy is because if you do not empty all of the water out of the fish bowl in cold weather the gold fish will con tract pneumonia from dampness and die
 A man is queer critter who gets mad because 99c shirt looks like 90 about the fourtt time he has it laundered.
 Some of our inventors should get to work on an ankle-length union suit that won't wrinkle up in knots around thin girls legs.
 Married couples who live in fiat buildings can't tell their neighbor9 about how happy they arc. The wall2 are too thin
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Our Joe Miller Contest.

Charley Hadley claims that the old est joke is the one about the man who heard poor fellow coughing and took the poor fellow into a drug store and bought him a bottle of he met the same poor fellow on the street still coughing. Didn't the medicine do you any good?" asked
 the man. No was the reply. 'sI haven't tried it yet" Why haven't
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

According to the political dope, Dan Sutherland
 making tour of the Interior, recently in Sew ard is to become candidate for Delegate to Con gress. Further dope has it, that provided the Re aubllcans win the 1920 elections, James Wicker sham will be the next Governor of Alaska succeed ing Gov, Thomas Riggs Jr. But then these changes are many, many months away.-(Seward Gateway ,
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

Congress could do well in making the appropria- tion of $250,000 for the improvement and develop nent of the Alaska herring industry as contained in the various appropriations asked by the departments and mentioned in yesterdays dispatches in the Gate way. The herring industry has stay in Alas ka but It must have encouragement and proper in structions fc! development Seward Gatew. y
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

The total gross tonnage of ships flying the Amer flag June 30 1919, 12 2,907 200, of which j,669,725 tons assigned to foreign trade, D. 535 ,680 to the Great Lakes and 3,601,894 to and river traffic. This tonnage is being added o the of than $50 900 monthly n steel vessels alone
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

A farm lands boom which is spreading through put the Middle West has brought land up to point where the interest the sums paid for land amounts high S25 an acre. Such prices cannot be maintained any other basis than very high living :ost Land that $425 Il cannot produce .eap and hogs and maintain it's present values,
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

The annual report of The Governor of Alaska to the Secretary of the Interior is at hand The vol umc shows that our Governor Thomas Riggs. IT, E S ln toueA with what Is going on in the Territory Gov. Riggs makes recommendations which if heeG- ca ny congress will help 70 make prosperity in Alas fa.-( Doug las Island New,
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
BE SPECIFIC ABOUT THESE BLUNDERs

Bakers collossal blunders.' shouts the An ciprage Times. Why not be specific? Were the seectve service law. the assembling of four mil
 Lon and their equipment in much shorter time thSh Europe dreamed possible. the transportation of ha1f that number across the Atlantic without the
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
BOIsSHEVISM AND UNION LABOR NOT NY >s THE SAME THING

g.
 ThasWichitas Kansas Beacon, owned by Henr! J. Alien, the five Wire Governor of Kansas. com mentihg apon the growing fdea. that Union Labo in the United States and theI w. w. and Bolshev ism and the thing recently said:
 Congressman Thomas L. Banton, of Texas. who bitterly attacked Samuel Com persS and union labor in signed state ment, isc entirely mistaken in saying that labor unionism is the same as Boshevism
 If any people think that American la Dor unions know them have anything in common with Bolshevism they had betr :, ter inform themselves better. sa.sse .sts.. et,'. The Bolsheviki denounee all private owns home or is trying to home owns any property of any description in his own name is entitled to vote under Bol- shevsm. They hold that all property must be owned by the nation.
 The BosheviM also in favor of free love and extensively practice a revolting system of nationalizing making them the common property of all the hooli gans and toughs of the lawless element This is a matter of official record which has never been refuted.
 There has always been a great gulf be- tween the l. ". w. and the legitimate la s.as the Russian Bolshevik in principles The s.Ls w, W.stermg for the, American Federa .siions of Labor is thest' A. F. of Hell and other names of that, nature st - -. There iss good reasont for this enmity. The l. w. w. stand for different deal from that advocated by the American Fed eraton of Labor They are opposed to the k.craft4 nnioiism off the American Federation and advocate the "one big union idea be- cause it lends itself to the general strike which is part of the I.>W. w. plan of overturning the government
 asA-s The, American. Federation WAS loyal dur ing the war and the l. w. w. were openly disloyal
 Mir. Banton had better inform himself Aaslittle before he makes any further ments about labor unionism. In the cent Seattle affair the labor unions the who saved the day when the l. w. w. threatened revolution. The typo graphical union especially effective in its stand. The work of the loyal the day against the l. w. w. and Bolshevik hoohgans
 Gov. Aliens paper is right The Bolshevik w. w. and other anarchstic leaders got control the organization of many of the unions, and majority in of them. They got their leader ship by disclosing their purpose confscate proI erty. and take the producing industries of tn country. It not until they became over-conf dent through the successful promotion of strike thattRey began to sing with Joe Hill who paid tn penalty for assassination at the end of Utah hang Inans rope about the time when they would sit i idleness .aad watch tht bosses go to work.
 Just as The Empire has contended all the tim would be the case it has been demonstrated tha these radicals were running away with Union Labor Organized labor was not converted, it kidnapet Fortunately it is escaping from the tolls of the lutionsts. The rank and file of Union Labor ar asserting themselves. and with American spiri they are selecting sane leadership.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

Ohio Republicans talking Wood for Presi- lent ard Cole for Governor. Wood and Cole have l. euphonious sound at the present time but it may Cund differently during the sweltering days of a Ihicago National Convention week
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

you tried it? asked the man. Well, said the poor fellow, "it says on the bottle that the medicine is to be taken after meals. And l haven't had a meal since got the medicine" "
 Ho, Hum! He raved about her marble brow, He popped, and they were welded; :; She's lost her marble brow, and now He finds she is hot-headed.
 Luke McLuke. He raved about her swan-like neck, She tried to stop him, but no use; They wed, and now her swan-like To him looks like that of goose.
 Hastings ,Neb., Tribune.
 Our Daily Special.
 Keep on boosting and let oppor- tunity do the knocking.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

Secretary Baker urges army of quality instead of any army of size What he has in mind may be a regiment of Sergeant Yorks-- (New York Sun
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

The goose of the long ago that laid golden eggs lad nothing on the modern hen which just lays ,ggs.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

klltles again are to become the daily dress of all scotland They would do very. well in this country now since the use of the hip pocket has compulsory been Cincinnati. Enquirer.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

nation that is half producing half striking and all consuming cannot endure.-(Kansas City Star
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

Womens clubs seem to be thriving in all parts of the land and the clothes-pin industry is booming
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
BREEZY BUBBLES I

Philadelphia Bulletin) On the firing line-the cranky boss
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

needle in haystack is no harder to find thar 1 the thread of discourses
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

Some things a bit lower but d.op in thermometers is due. "
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

1. The clock tinker would fare slim If there were
 not SO many people who want to have a good time
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Advice.

My friend, you should not stretch the
 truth, You'll find this is good dope, in
 sooth; For when you stretch the truth, by
 jing, The darn recoil is apt to sting.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30

No woman is too level headed to ask, "Is my Ina, on straight?" ~ l
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
WuH!

"A husband leads a dogs life," said MT. Gabb.
 That's right" agreed Mrs. Gabb He growls all day and snores all night" ..
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Dumb Animals.

Women are very fond of dumb animals" said Miss Oldgirl.
 Yes" agreed Mr Oldbatch. "A lot of them are not happy until they have dog, a cat and a husband in the house."
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Located.

(Coldwater, Ohio, Chronicle)
 And what has become of the o. f. man who used to play "Listle To The Rocking Bird!' on the mouth organ Luke McLuke. He's dead, but his son is now saving away Blowing Bubbles In The Air"
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
Ooeaone, Him!

Some day hope the boob will choke I speak of Oswald Joint; Each time he tries to tell joke,
 He can't recall the point.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-12-30
BITS OF BY-PLAY By Luke McLuke Copyright by Cincinnati
 Enquirer
You Know Him.

You Know Him. What kind of a fellow is Smith 2 asked Brown.
 j"He's the kind of a fellow who spends half his time making promises and the other half making excIscs for breaking his promises, replied Jones.
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
BLuBBER A DELICIOUS WAND
Said to Be OF Immensely Pleasant
Taste, When Eaten Raw From
the Seal.

It has always been mystery to me
why the word "blubber" should carry
such a disagreeable connotation to MIL
lions of people, though not one IN a
million has ever tasted 1t, writes VII
hialmur Stefansson in Harpers.
am often asked what seal meat
tastes like and am driven to saying
that it tastes like seal meat, for 1t does
not resemble any commonly known
type of meat. But neither does mutton
resemble any meat known to me, anu
still mutton is good eating, and SO Is
seal. But the fat is much easier 10
describe. When the blubber is eaten
raw. as we commonly eat 1t ny prefer
ence, it has a flavor very similar TO
that of fresh cows cream. but When
boiled it closely resembles the fat OF
mutton. For that reason Mr.. wilkins,
who came from the sheep district or
Australia. was that member OF our
whole expedition who most readily leli
into the eating of the seal fat
In general most men refrain from
tasting blubber because it is nameu
blubber, until they become so fat nun
CRY that they are eventually driven TO
trying it, and when they try 1t, TO thelr
surprise they invariably find it SO de-
Icious that, if not restrained, they
overeat and, as is well known, overeat-
ing any form of fat causes nausea ana
other distressing symptoms. After one
or two experiences of this sort am
now careful never to allow a man to
eat all the blubber he wants the flrst
time he tries it, for if he gets sick ne
is almost certain to blame the seal
and not his own gluttony.
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
First in the Field.

The mild surprise with which one
occasionally notes the name OF a Tor
eign city on a penny box of matches
purchased in the United States may
before long include boxes of matches
bearing the PARKWAY name of Dalren'
Manchuria. The worlds appetite 1or
matches is apparently Unsuitable. An
American company has been studying
Manchuria and Siberia from the match
manufacturing point of view, but so
has large japanese concern, and TINS
concern, it now seems, will be tlrst In
the field at Dairen, the chief Man
churian port. But then if Japan were
not first in the field in Manchurla'
where would she be first in the field!
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22

undesirable germs where they can null
tiply," says the Journal of the Ameri-
can Medical Association. ION the
fingers they may be harmless; trans
ferred to the mouth they have vide
field for development.
1.-THE soiling of the hands Is impos-
sible to avoid altogether, but the swal-
lowing of germs from ones own soiled
hands is largely under individual con-
troll.
at may fairly be assumed that the
most useful safeguards against TINS
form of disease transmission are to De
found in such practices as hand WASH
ing and in refraining from using the
tongue or the lips as moistenlng-pau'
rather than in hysterical attempts at
avoidance of all hand contamination.
Children are best protected through
the incubation of similar desirable
habits at an early age. In woro'
some degree of hand-contaminatlon Is
unavoidable; but the transference OF
the communicating germs to the mouth
is largely under individual control anu
is subject to the powerful influence OIL
early-formed- habit"
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
BRICKS AND CEMENT SWELL
Absorb Moisture and "GroW" to Con-
siderable Extent, According to
English Publication.

How much has your house or the
wall at the bottom OF your garden
grown?
Houses and walls, indeed all things
made of bricks, co grow, and this tact
Is known to architects, who sometimes
have to allow for it when making
plans for building, says London An
swers.
In the old days, when the clay OF
which bricks were made was mixed
with water before being baked, the
amount of growth was not noticeable;
now that no water, or very little, is
mixed with the clay, which is there
fore said to be dry baked, the bricks
absorb moisture and swell sometimes
to considerable extent.
Some, years ago in garden at h1y
a pier was built of dry baked bricks
and the garden hose was turned onto
this pier for a considerable period
every day for some weeks. At the end
of this time the pier was measured,
when it was found to have grown
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
USE FOR LUMINOUS PAINT
Material Found Almost Invaluable IN
War Might Also Be Well EN-
ployed in Peace.

Here is wartime application OF
luminous paint that should be usefui
in summer camps, on the hikes OF boy
scouts, in peacetime maneuvers OF
citizen soldiers, in marking thes land
ing places of aircraft, etc.
The British army had disks or but
tons two or three inches in diameter
coated with luminous paint and having
a sharp spike on the under side. Ihese
were stuck upon the sides of trenches
buildings, fences, etc., or were swung
by hand to give signals in the Wf"7
known code where bright lights w
dangerous or where silence was
golden.
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
COUNTY OFFICIALS

John A. Jones, County Judge
H. c. Byrd Sheriff.
G. u Howard Trustee. ...
S. II. ]estes, County Court Clerk.
Clas w. Summer, Circuit Court Clerk
K. A. Davis, Clerk and Master.
y. B. Crenshaw, Register
w II. Jackson, Tax Assessor.
W. d. Jones, Coroner
N. B. Melton, County Surveyor.
A B. Peters. County Superintendent
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22

some inches.
Cement is another substance wmch
grows. That is why you may often see
on station platforms and on wall cop
ings built of cement one Of the joints
missed out here and there.
The greatest growth naturally taxes
place where cements and bricks are
used together, as happened In mousse
of which the parapet was built OIL
bricks placed endways and cement sup
ported on iron. The growth in TINS
instance was so great that quite large
spaces were visible between the iron
supports and the parapet.
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
COURT CALENDER

Chancagy Court meets 3rd Monday
of May and November.
Circuit Court meets 2rd Monday Of
February, June and October.
County Court meets LIST, Monday OF
January, April July and October.
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
Doduinq Shop.

They struck up conversation in the
hotel lobby and finally one man sug-
gested trip to the movies. The other
politely declined.
"Don't you want to see Viola YAM
pire?"
''Nope."
"Nor Yorick Hamm in his latest
comedy"
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22

"Nope."
"What's the matter, my friendF
Aren't you interested in the various
stars?"
"Not this evening. I'm an astrono-
mer taking a night off,
The Morgan County press. (Wartburg, Tenn.) 1916-1926, 1919-08-22
NEED NOT TRANSFER GERMS
Disease Will Not Be Transmitted IT
SoiIed Hands Are Kept Away
From Mouth.

1t is glaringly obvious that the olt-
ing of finger nails, the moistenng OF
fingers in turning the pages OF DOOR,
and similar half-conscious acts greatly
enhance the opportunities for planning
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1919-04-08
a|U|IUlIFlIy|lEb'|
DY COTTON MEN
Texas Delegates Want Him
Removed From Job.

DALLAS, Texas, April s,--The
Texas State Cotton conference. held
Mere yesterday and attended by 700
farmers, merchants and small bank
ers. charge Secretary Of Agriculture
Houston and Bernard Baruch, chair
man of the war trade board, with re-
sponsibility for conditions which
forced the price Of cotton down to =
point where those engaged in its pro-
dsction were reduced to starvation
wages. :,
Secretary Houston was charged
with encouraging the war trade board
in placing embargoes on cotton ex.
ports and with lack Of . praef'eal
knowledge of agriculture. A resolu-
tion was adopted calling for a prac-
teal farmer to fill the cabinet office.
Chairman Baruch was condemned
by resolution for placing an embargo
on cotton exports TO Europe and I'M
mediate lifting Of the embargo was
demanded. He was referred to IS
antaeonistic to the welfare OF cotton
producers. :,
The executive committee was di-
rec,ed 10 work out a plan for organl'
zation OF Texas farmers on the Norih
Dakota plan This organization would
be prepared to fight any political ma
chine or candidate not in sympathy
with higher cotton prices.
Washington democratic leaders
were charged with having sold the
southern cotton farmers for republ'-
can votes in the north and east last
fail and then having failed to secure
the election Of democratic candidates.
.,n,,,,,bstaudinp the sacrifice.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1919-04-08
Looking EN- Over
with
JACK KEENE

Vernon Clsnons. known 10 tho fans
around the American association as
'Tubby." and who was recently traded
TO the Cardinals by the Louisville club
for Bruno Bethel and Dixie Davis. Ii
making his second attempt 10 shine In
fast company, Several years ago the
Louisvins club sold Clemons and Hank
Scvereid 10 tho Browns. After brief
trial Clemons was returned TO the minor
league club. Clemons now returns to
tho same major league city, but In the
rival organization and has improved
vnstly since the Browns tried him out
His heavy hitting last season won many
games for the Louisville club and the
backstop Ia confident that he will make
good IN the big show this time.
Manager Miller Hugsins ot the
Yankees has not heard anything from
AlrmAndo Aarsans since he sent 4 con-
tract 10 tho player At Havana more
than five weeks ago. and he now 10
about convinced that tho Cuban In
positively through AZ q major Lacquer,
according TO an eastern writer. Mnfsans
left the Yankees last July after getting
word from Cuba that his mother was
seriously III. but before leaving he IN
timated to some friends that ho was
about ready to quilt the game. He was
one Of tho fastest men In baseball dur
Ing his term with the Cincinnati Reds
His speed began to wanc whils he was
Q member Of the 81. Louis browns. and
. serious injury shortly after he Joined
the New York club further impaired bis
speed He has done some playing dur
Ing the winter season In Cuba aad prob.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1919-04-08
ART Gul.,n, Says:
Them Bullviti bushss VIM Pre-
vent Baseball From Bsing the
Red's National PAstims."

Dear Editor:
They was . item In ono Of your pa.
pcrs the other day Ia. by tho fellow
which writes the editorials and no says
that baseball will probable put this
bulyiki stuff on tho blink ON account Of
II giving them Reds something to think
about besides Killing of birds which
doesn't happen TO vote tho same ticket
Now. Ed, II Is my opinion private that
tho game will never 10 over big among
them Russian bulivlkis. For one thing
them birds Is 10 busy renting out cofflns
TO folks which has been slain or some
thing and II is n cinch them Red, In
not worrying about no ball leagues
half AZ much as whether they viii be
able to steal three squares per day of
somebody out In the sticks
Plenty Of Bushes.
Another thing Ed. suppose they WAS
game on between tho bullvtlis OF
Moscow and mtbbc Petrogad for the
attic us champs Of Russia and part of
siberia. Imagine them whlAkered birds
UP there 10 the plate trying to put II
fast one where they was no fielders II
" 4 cinch I'D. that half the balls would
got lost In the bushes and probable
bust up the game unless they was n
couple BARRIERS In tho crowd. Also Ed.
how can man run bases when your
whiskersls tying n not around your
ankles. and II Is palmer than Trot-
sky's finish that them Reds would be
fruit on the sacks.
Also ia. they would be nobody which
would taxa ThunTA mud Mira n
game with them birds on account OF
IL being a short cut 10 tho cemetery.
with no jumps around the players
would have 10 call 'em and they would
be big row instead Of they being u
bah score and at tho windup the tally
would probable be l6 killed TO
wounded.
Reds Hit HIehbalis.
They Ia only one thing Ed. them Reds
would DO good at In the ball game
which same n cutting bases on ae.
count Of tho bullvikis being Mpt In
practice by sllcing a few citizens each
day before and after meals.
The bullvikIs would he able 10 hit
nothing but highballs and would also
have some under their belts or somA-
where. A ball game Ed would last on
y three innings because by then the
bullviki union rules would require them
birds to 10 out and carve somebody
up.
Score One For lenine.
II is common talk Ed. that the bull
Wiki crowd In off Of all leagues and
their president a bird named Ienins
give up sofne swell playing dates which
was offered by Wilson to Join the peace
circuit, ",
At that Ed. this Leninc may be a han
player as ! been told he can see a fast
ono coming three blocks nway on the
streets Mt Pctrogad. especially II she
Is a good locker.
Well Ed. Will have to stop or YOU
will need q special issue or something
on account OF mo taking all the space.
Cautiously Yours.
iltf ART QUINN.
-. IF. T. By