The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-04-17

<\% tural quotations
~ to attract biz my
10 advice is. let 'em
- ~ alone. A merchant
once used this one to catch the un-
sophisticated (of which | was one)-
viz: Come thou with us and we
will do thee good" Thinking that
any man who would say thing like
that made me think he must be all
right. | bought suit OF clothes OF
him am prepared to make all at
fidavit that the add was not mislead-
ing. 1t was perfectly true for soon
found out that he had done" (me)
good.
When l read of so many Ito bep
substitutes for gasoline | am re-
minded of the fact that a multitude
of folks went "bug house" figgerin.
on perpetual motion. ..
Cant Spank Vile With Shoe"
Headline. A judge in Kansas City
is said to have so ruled-well. by
golly-Things are comm to pretty
pass now. amt they. Do they en-
pect. a feller to so hunt for shingle
and give her chance to reach the
poker or flat iron:
There is quite some howl goin' up
all over the country about jobs for
the soldier boys-but the uneasiness
(seems) to be all on the part OF said
howlers. The soldier boys ain t
worryin'-they seem perfectly CON
| tent
| was asked why so many men are
wearin' big long overcoats for on
these bright. warm spring days. |
replied, Il don't know for sure. but /
opine they are havin' their only pair
OF pants IL soled and don't want to
stay in bed till the work is done.
So many folks are askin for a
remedy for removing warts that |
can't help wonderin ii they didn't
| (once) live out in the country and
played around an old mill pond
Correct Clothes for Grand Opera
Headline. | read the article and at
| once decided to cut out grand opera
And now a city tax OH flivvers.
(and other cars) Looks to ME as If
will be compelled to either sell my
| "Fordilac" or else move outside the
city limits. The idea OF payin a
state and city tax and havin' to ride
! ONCl SttSll lOduS dllu
you beat it:
If it were possible for me to sug-
gest better plan for a League OF
Nations than the one now being con-
sidered | shorely would do so. But
as it is not | have decided to keep
my face closed And by the same
token if some OF the other public
ballyhooers would do likewise they
| (probably) would attract less atten-
ton and command more respect.
T'other day a man asked me why
some folks put bumper" on a
Ford car. We'll. now" says, says
| |, Il amt quite sure, but think
possibly for the same reason some
fulks put a muzzle on a dog" To
keep em from bitin':" he asked.
No. says |, TO keep em from
suckin aigs."
OF course it all depends upon the
point OF view Tor the way one was
raised). Recently | heard a man
say he just loved work. Said he
would rather work than eat. Me:
0, we'll. I'm different or else was
raised" different--l would rather
eat-yes, indeedy. o
The spring style (waist seam coats
and tight legged pants) now ben
worn promiscously by the skinny.
flat chested future hopes of our ma
tion makes 'em appear almost tnot
! quite) as pretty as the runnin gears
of katydid.
The war made 1900 Millionaires
Headline. Now what do you think
0 that You folks who eat corn
pone and get no sugar in your 'tay
Anyway you may pull some con-
ISOLATION by remembering that levi
dently) your loss was somebody
else's gain.
"Wasps Have Color Sense -
Headline. Which bein' interpreted
means that wasps can distinguish
colors. Also | may say further
while on the subject, that wasp has
way all his own Ia very convincing
way) of driving home his point
should you be SO foolish as to get
into an argument with him.
| l have for sale new double
shovel plow. Used only twice. Can
any of you use it? Cost ME S4.5o.
My price $500. No joke. This is
regular add" but l don't aim to pay
for it. MY phone number is 2oI.
l am so busy this week that my
letter is like the tail of a-~:srabbit.
How? now you ask and l answer be-
cause it's short one.
This sleepin' sickness which is SO
| mystifyin' to the pill peddlers is
nothin' new. 1t always breaks out
at this season of the year. It's just
plain hook worm or spring fever.
Bone Dry July Ist-Uhm-Yas
Flowers have their time to bloom
And every dog
Doth have his day Gas is we'll known)
Leaves have their time to fall
But thou, o Booze
Thou hast no place which thou canst
call thine own.
Here's to good old Mother Eve