Evening journal., 1919-08-06
! [n4oh III

Rrpohr on piD,s SPRING GARDEN.

REPORT on DADS SPRING GARDEN.
Flower Gsrden-C n-CultivatedANith great
care by Dad with remarkable results
garden contains the most astonishing
assortment Of weeds ever assembled in
one spot. Three distinct complaints
against it as being a public nuisance
have been lodged by neishbors with
Sthe police.
Strawberry Patch-Toial value OF
time. seeds and equipment used by Dad
in cultivatlng this Datch. s2375. Total
value Of Strawberries raised in patch,
sO7 This seven cents worth, after be-
ing carefully guarded. by Dad was
eaten one morning by neighbors
child when Dad wasn't looking)
Asparagus. Bed Planted by Dad with
expectation sof supplying the family's
entire needs and Of selling quantities. TO
The neighbors. Has been used with
much apparent appreciation by the
family dog and his many canine
friends as a perfect playground during
the past two months. Total yield OF
edible stalks Of asparagus, two stalks
which by the way, were spoiled by the
cook in cooking them.
SWEET Corn Field Estimated value Of
probable Yield according TO estimate
made by Dad az The height Of bis optim-
ism-si27.25 The only discernsble balue
Of the yield has been in feed for the
neighbor's chickens. this yield saving
the neighbors from buying $3.50
worth Of chicken feed Total amount
collected by Dad from neghbors for
said feed. $4,000.
Onion Patch-Hgh successful II Is
easily smell-sble from a distance OF
four blocks away
The Modern school ... 90. o.. .......
The trend in education these days is
IN give the scholars something practi-
cal something of distinct benefit 10
them in battling their way through life
and in making that battle easier and
lrappler consequently we can expect
the establishment of such practical
courses as these in the most up-to-dale
schools:
Course In Patience-Designed 10 give
scholars that smiling acquiescence in
delay which is so necessary 10 the mann
tenance Of a good disposition when al
tempting 10 reach the office In hurry
Via automobile at congested traffic per-
iods Of the day.
Course in Higher Accounting-Of
great value 20 every coming citizen
who viii some day have 10 make out
an income tax return. This course
combines all the latest methods
adopted by the worlds most expert sc-
rountanis and after taking this course
for six years ft is believed that every
scholar will be able 10 make out his
own income tax return with an average
OF less than seventy-lve per cent, OF
mistakes.
Course in elf-Denial-Designed 70
help the scholars over the possibility
OF Anti-TobaccO, Anti-kissing, Anti
Soda Water and other blue laws being
enacted. scholars are taught. by the
simple method Of making them do
without meals. nice clothes, sleep and
other essentials. just how to control
themselves so that they will not feel an
uncomfortable desire TO violate these
laws and be arrested for such violations
in the event Of these laws being passed.
Course in Jolts-Realizlng that every
citizen I'm the course Of life gets
good stiff iolt every week or so now
adavs, when . new raise In the high
cost on living wallops him or another
of his pet hobbies is eliminated by
some new Anti law. this course Is de-
signed 10 enable the scholars to not
only stand up under such iolts but to
also grin while they bear them. Swift
i1pper cuts every few minutes TO the
law. Knockout blows to the head and
other equally effective iolls are part
OF the curriculum in this course.
Course. in Nuttlness--As everyone, TO
be strictly up-to-date nowadays, must
be able TO talk fluenily on ia. principal
topics Of nuttiness engaging tile worlds
attention, this course will teach the
rrudirnentary foolishness OF bolshevism
and such other crazy notions as from
time TO time sweep over the earth.
Either drive car or hug a girl, but
not both al once decreed Commits
sioner Dill Of Newark, ~ j. after re-
voklng the motor license OF Ralph Hole
man. HolemsR was wrecked attempt
ing both.
New York West Siders saw Rodero
yesterday outside the movies. A lively
young bull broke from a livestock car
and was chased in motor cars by pa
trolmen who threw the bull.
New York is the most law-abiding
community on earth" Judge William II.
Wadhams told the grand juries in gem
eral sessions.
Manchester, y. II. police inspectors
went 10 church for three days before
they were rewarded They arrested |
Lawrence Boucher alleged to have
been stealing from the poorbox.
Everything else is going up. so |
guess you'had better pay your wife $40
instead OF S." said Judge Swanson, OF