Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1919-06-30
SEEN ON THE SIDE
ny HENRY EDWARD WARNER
The MiIIionaire.. YeII.

I sit in my Office, surrounded by wealth
And fawned upon daily by bootlicking men,
Guarding my millions and losing my health
And 1 wish were back on the homestead
again
Back in tho opcn chauffeur to pillow,
Guiding it swift through the burrows so
straight
Piping the chickens and milking the COW
And driving the hawgs through the stable
yard gate.
Them the days! Happy days OF my youth,
Up in the morning at and away
Over the meadows with nature and truth
Starting the jobs Of my go-lucky day!
Nothing to do but just cut. saw and hoe
Milk, feed the hawgs. bring in wood, plow
and prune-
Spread fertilizer and go out and SOW,
Weed out the garden. and eat food at noon,
ldling my hours from the gray dawn till night.
what life Of Indulgence 1 led!
Many time. IL hustled. 1.might
Finish In time to experience bedi
From o'clock milking till midnight I worked
Worked with joy that exuded in gobs.
Knowing full well I'd get licked IL shirked
Any detail Of my manifold Jobs
Noble the callous that grew In my palm
Badge warts of labor: how proudly I toiled,
Many's the time rubbed sassafras balm
On the beautiful blisters the summer sun
broiled
Noblest profession! Ye tillers of SOIL
Envy compes TO soulfully speak:
o for the day.. of luxurious toll
When held all the Jobs for a dollar a week,
Charcoal Eph's Daily Thought
Hit sure do good" said Charcoal Eph.
In mood, TO set hisse'f down t. nice hot
pone wild chicken an gravy an thank de good
Lawd dat some dom lock up dey coops
Try drumstick Mistah Jackson"
The Bowlcrs Love Song.
1 used to know girl named Maud
Who threw me down; and then came Sue
Fay. Fannie, Trix and Gunevere,
And then at last along came you!
Now that you've bowled me out, Friend Sally
Fate. set EN- up in the other alley!
Modernized.
Where are You going, my pretty maid?'
I'm going a-miking, SIR" she said
AS there were cows in sight he sensed
that she meant she was going to buy condensed
The Pessimist.
Don't, Grumbler! Saw you once twice three
times and you wore the same old expression OF
discomfort
Remember. faces have been known to freeze
that way. and they never get natural again!
Accident.
Terrible accident at Morgan's last night.
wasn't it?"
Didn't hear; what was it?"
"Oh, It's the fault of MorEans butler He
keeps the table knives sharp that one OF
Morgans business friends cut his tonsils"
Courtesy.
See the man. He will give the lady his sea
in the
See the lady who has two seats. Will she
move over and give the room to sit down
She Will not, because courtesy is lopsided
Money.
Time was when love the only thing
That moved men to wonderful things:
The boss Of tho ranch of hearts was a kid
With a couple of four-inch wings
Then money came in: and behold we found
The wonderful stunts it could do
And the chief of affairs was the cashier man
At the bars he was looking through
But love has resigned in the latter days,
For maidens are women now,
And the nook and the book and the shady brook
Don't seem to attract. somehow
And money-o poof!-why, money, to me.
Is very much of myth:
And a ten-dollar bill is only thing
To polish my glasses with