The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-09-13
'CAP'NEzRA RiLED
Ancient Mariner Has Trying Day
in Boston Town.
And He Will Find Many to Agree With
Him In His Positive Assertion
That "Umbrellies Is DAN
aerous Weapons"

9GTOUS WCaPCiS'
I heard q sigh behind me as / un-
folded my favorite evening sheet.
Someone settled into the seat and rest
ed wearilv against me. exhumed my
self from nay sheet and stole side
long glance. In the little leathery man
with the nervous bit of chin whiskers
I recognized Cap'n Ezra Godskins OF
our town.
His mild blue eye caught mine and
I wished him good evening. He re-
piled with another sigh and the cryp-
tic remark, "Umbrellies is dangerous
weapons" Then, like another and bet
ter known Ancient Mariner, he seemed
unable to contain himself and launched
forth into the subject that was tOrtur-
ing his soul.
This is the captains plant:
81 come into town this mOrnin'
bearin' no man any malice. 1t looked
like rain, but | didn't calc'late to let
that spoil my good nature. Most every
one but me was tOtin' a umbrelly.
. 'T was bumpin' along in the crowd
lcavin' the station an just at the en-
trance | was surrounded by five fat
old ladies who was so interested in de-
cidin where they was gOin' to meet
for lunch that they didn't notice that
/ l.as standin' in the middle of the con-
Ceerunce an gettin' the benefit of all
lhe emphasis of the pointin' they did
With their umbrellies.
"a lady pointin' one direction with
parasol wants to look where's she's
a-pointin'.
81 souoze out of there just in time
TO get gougcd in the nigh leg by a
Young feller that carried his umbrelly
strapped to the side of his valise. lie
gave me a nasty look for bein' there
started up the street and see a fell
Ter ahead of me carryin' his umbrelly
over his shoulder like a musket. He
turned to look into a store winder ana
bumped a old man into the side of the
head with the muzzle of his weapon.
They had some words.
"A young girl that looked bright
enough to know better was carryin' her
umbreIly in the middle and talllin' 80
! fast at the same time I guess she
didn't know she was prOddin' ro:Rs
both ahead and behind as though she
might be sayin' Get up, Jessie; go
long, Bill!
"a tall feller with a black ribbon on
his eye glasses was whirlin' his slim
umbrelly around by the handle, thereby
gettin' most of the sidewalk and lot
of unfavorable opinion for himself.
He varied this a little by usin' it as
cane, swingin' it we'll out in front
and behind Every once in a while
1t swang into some ones shanks or
stabbed 'em in the .instep. He sure
had the comfort an safety Of other
folks in mind.
people used 'em as wedges to get
into the crowd and as a pry to get out.
One young feller 1 see was standin'
on the edge of the sidewalk, leanin'
back on his umbrelly and talkin' to q
friend of his'n Some felIer goin'
along mindin' his own business caught
his toe in it and brought the lad down
at neat as ninepin.
"Now if he had a had his umbrelly
hangin' down straight from his hand
the way it should ha been an been
goin' about his business Instead of
blockin' up the sidewalk he wouldn't
a had to go home and changed his
/ breeches.
1.-THE trouble is that folks who carry
a umbrelly so it didn't interfere with
anybody else is generally the ones that
gets jabbed.
''I amt got the heart to speak of
umbrellies when folks carries 'em
raised. They is worse than dangerous
then; they is positively deadly.s |
been dodgin' careless and thoughtless
handlers of umbrellies all day and in
the hands of them class of people that
is a dangerous weapon. Yes, sir, UNI
brellies is a dangerous weapon. ."-BOs-
! ton Globe.