Perth Amboy evening news., 1919-01-23
Bits of By-Pldu
BY LUXE McLUKE
Copyright, 1919, the Cincinnati
Enquirer.

Der End or Elm Perfect Tag.
The tin cans clatter as the cringins
Hun
Sinks to his lair beneath the setting
sun;
He strafes the Vons, and he would
crush the throat
OF Bill who made him history's great
est goat.
what Is your favorite hymn, broth
err" asked the Preacher.
MY favorite hymn is In This
Wheat, Buy and Buy" replied the
Grain Spectator.
No Joke.
The wffe's tha boss ip-eyery Way
The husbands a poor pill;
The husband has to say, II may"
The wife "a say say II Will"
The Wise Fool.
woman is holding her own these
days" observed the Sage
You are not talking about her
tongue, are your" asked the Fool.
Fac.
"Who talks too much will get In bad"
Observed old Oswald Feest;
anu you dTe bdyiHk ulubt, my i1ut
When you are saying least
OUGHT
THAT boy of mine will be in Con-
gress some day." Dragged Mr.. Newpop,
Poor kid" sympathized Mr..
Rounder. ITO look at him you'd think
he was as bright as other children.
wouldn't your"
Aw, Gwan!
"Of course my steps are rather neat"
The dancing master said:
but, were I not light on my feet,
l might light on my head"
Goshi
We thought he was working for the
California Fruit Growers Association
employed by the Acme Fishing Tool
Co., at Parkersburg. w. Va.
Huh!
Every day will be Sunday inter a
while" Dragged the Prohibitionist.
Maybe" growled the Rounder.
but II won't put any more money In
the collection basket"
Bless Her Heart!
We hope that the man who marries
her will never have 10 call Virginia Is.
Still. of Cincinnati by her maiden
anne.
Bone Dry Bicker.
An editor who lives in Albany. Ga.
tells us that the brand of moonshine
made and sold In his section of that
State is as clear and harmless looking
as spring water. But. says he. the
stun is concentrated hellfre. 1t is
brewed in coffee pots and lard cans
and Is made from cayenne pepper.
hurley tobacco. concentrated I've and
carbolic acid. A drink OF this stuff
will lburn the skin off your mouth. eat
off the end of your tongue. and is
guaranteed to give you commissions in
fifteen minutes. The nrst drink makes
a wildcat out of a man. The SECOND
drink puts him in the strong ward of
a hospital. You "a buy the juice of
Vesuvius anywhere. but a wise man
will visit an undertaken and get meas
ured for a long black box with silver
handles before he takes q drink.
Health Hints.
II It's sick the fu has made you,
And yours feeling kind o. queer.
Just get a little lemon.
Let the lemonade you. dear.
Luke McLuke.
And IL that is slow in action.
And your weakness lasts too long,
Munich some garlic and an onion
And your friends will call you strong
Housoton Post.
Is That So!
Dear Luke: Would you all the saw
ings OF a frugal pugilist his Scrap
Pie?-F. b.
Boo, Hoo!
Dear Luke McLuke:
I've sent
To you a song
OF sentiment.
But IL you're not
A hardened snob.
] know this one
Will make you sob.
J. w. Pyne.
Names Is Names.
Pink Rose lives at Central City, Ky.
Our Daily Special.
The Best Vice Preventive is Print
er's Ink.
Lake McIuke Says.
Any time you hear a m COM
planning that she made ar awful mis-
take when she got married. you can
bet that her husband Is betting the
q
We may be hnicky. Bdt we would