davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1919-03-13
FAMED HUNORIST TO
MAKE ONTARIO LAUGH
Strickland Gillian viii Deliver Ia
nous Lecture at High school Au-
ditorium Saturday Evening.

All America has laughed with
Strickland Gillian, the famous au-
thor of "On agin off ngin, etc. Onta-
rio has been fortunate this winter in
having chance to hear this famous
lecturer who tells homely truths in
humorous manner.
The lecture of Mr. Gillian is tho
only one of the original course of FIVE
which was contracted for by a group
of Ontarians from the Redpath Blu
reau, but It is the best number of the
entire course so that those Who hear
Mr. Gillian will enjoy q real treat
The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1919-03-13
LOCAL AND PERSONAL

Last Thursday evening Miss Paul
inc Jacqulsh invited nine OF her
friends to help her celebrate her
thirteenth birthday. After spending
a happy hour at the Dreamland. the
guests we're served with delicious ro
freshment at Fifer's where splendid
table had been prepared for them
Miss Paulines guests were. Helen
Wells, Helen Brecont, Theresa Smith,
Ethel Conway, George Smith, Paul
Daubenberger. Ralph McCulloeh,
Lloyd McWilliams and owen Turner.
l.. G. Olson made a business trip
to Boise. Tuesday.
Roy Smith, deputy county clerk
was in Ontario on business yesterday
Hub Walters OF Nyssa spent several
days in town this week on business
l.. c. Kelsey left Sunday evening
for Portland on business.
c. II. Helmer left Monday evening
for Twin Falls where he is compiler
ing a contract for paving,
T. ". Clagett returned this week
| from Boise where he underwent an
operation last wek lie is very much
improved tho still feeling the effects
OF the ordeal.
The Tuesday bridge club met this
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
A Feeling of Security

You naturally feel secure when YOU
know that the medicine you are about to
take is absolutely pure and contains no
harmful OF habit producing drugs
Such medicine is Dr. Kilmer's Swamp
Root, kidney, liver and bladder remedy.
The same standard of purity, strength
and excellence is maintained in every
bottle of Swamp-Root.
1t is scientifically compounded from
vegetable herbs.
It is not a stimulant and is taken in
teaspoonful doses.
1t is not recommended for everything.
It is natures great helper in relieving
and overcoming kidney, liver and blad-
de- troubles.
A sworn statement of purity is with
every bottle of DR.. Kilmer's Swamp
Root.
II you need a medicine, you should
have the best. On sale at all drug stores
in bottles of two sizes, medium and large.
However, if you wish first to try this
great preparation send ten cents to DIR.
Kilmer & Co., Binghamton, n. Y, for a
sample bottle. When writing be sure and
mention this paper.-Adv.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
ANNOYED Blister.

1.-The lightning played good joke
on my boy, Blister, luther day." re-
lated Gap johnson of Rumpus Ridge.
lie was feeling around Under a tree
when 1t began to rain. and the next
thing bolt of lightning tore a big
limb Offm the tree and slammed it
down on Blister. You Ort to have
heered him r'ar and cuss as he dug
his way out from under it. Made him
madder than a scalded cat, to be fit
by something he couldn't fight back
at."-kansas City Sar.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Ca|ome| Today! Sick Tomorrow!
! Guarantee DodSon's Liver Tone
Don't take nasty, dangerous calomel when bilious
constipated, headachy. Listen to me!

Calomel makes you sick; you lose a
days work. Calomel is quicksilver
and it salivates; calomel Injuries your
liver.
If you are. bilious, feel lazy, slug
gish and all knocked out, if your bow
els are constipated and your head
aches or stomach is sour, just take a
spoonful of harmless Dodson's Liver
Tone instead of using sickening, sali-
waiting calomel. Dodson's Liver Tone
is real liver medicine You'll know it
next morning because you will wake
up feeling fine, your liver will be work
ing, your headache and dizziness gone,
your stomach will be sweet and bow
els regular. You will feel like work
Ing. You'll be cheerful; full of vigor
and ambition.
Your druggist or dealer sells you a
bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone for a
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

few cents under my personal guare.
tee that it will clean your slupg-s,
i"er better than nasty calomel.
won't make you sick and you can
anything you want without being sss
waited. Your druggist guarantees =
each spoonful will start your liver
clean your bowels and straighten van
up by morning or you get your mon.
back. Children gladly take Dodson.
Liver Tone because it is pleasant tas,.
ing and doesn't gripe or cramp =.
make them sick.
ON selling millions of bottles q
Dodson's Liver Tone to people weo
have found that this pleasant ye..-
table liver medicine takes the place y,
dangerous calomel. Buy one bottle ar
my sound, reliable guarantee. Ash
your druggist about me.-Adv.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Hammer and Tomas.

Bishop EllistCn Caruthers of Savan-
nah Ca, was talking about Russia.
Poor Russia is in a bad way" he
said. "Bolsheviks and cadets, maxi
malfsts and Cossacks are going for one
another hammer and tongs. Instead
OF uniting to defeat the common en-
emy, they squabble like-like the par
son and the choir.
The parsOn, you know, thought to
get the better of the hostile choir one
Sunday morning by announcing at the
end of the first anthem:
Our text, brethren, will be 'And
after the uproar was ceased"
"But the cLoir got back at the par
son by singing for the closing anthem
at the sermons end:
"'NOw it is high time to awake out
Of sleep '"-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
BANDITS ACT AS
DANCE MASTERS
WhirI Pistols and Whistle While
Quintet Jig to Their
Tunes.
RUDE PAL REPROVED
Gentleman Bandit Draws Line at TAX
ing Money From Those Who Enter
tanned Them-"i'Il Be Bowed"
Says SaIoonkeeper.

Chicago.-The gentleman bandit and
his roughneck friend, William, were
out for an evenings entertainment
They strolled into Fredel ick butchers
saloon. William tlourished a revolver
and began:
Hey, youse guys, line up ober dere
an"
mo, no, William" expostuated the
G.. B. Pardon the interruption, but
your words and mannerisms would
shock the finer sensibilit;es Of a dumb
waiter.
Now, gentlemen" turning to
Butcher and four patrons, well ask
your indulgence for this evenings
frolic. He spun his revolver on his
forefinger as he thought Suppose, If
there are no objections, that we start
with little dance"
Oats de mustard" seconded Will
liam. Make 'em shimmy. Get at it.
youse-"
Eyes, gentlemen, I am sure you are
adept at the new dances, though l pro-
fess some have rather-er-vulga
names. Nevertheless, shaking the
shimmy 1t will be-"
Butcher and the four patrons shut
fed nervously.
"They are embarrassed, l see," con-
t1nued the master of ceremonies.
Strike up little tune, William"
William turned, his nose mOonward
and began whistling "How You Going
to Keep EN- Down on the Farm"
"Now, all together"
The five hesitated. The revolver
stopped spinning on the G. BIS fore
hnger and pointed menac.ngly at the
abdOmens of the five.
Jig to Williams Tune.
Zuitcher stepped out into the saw
dust in front of the bar and, as Will
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
WORSE THAN
DEADLY
POISON GAS

Kidney disease is no respector of per-
sons. 1t attacks young and old alike.
In most cases the victim is warned
of the approaching danger Nature fights
back. Headache, Indigestion, insomnia,
lame back, lumbago, sciatica, rheuma-
tlsrn, pain in the loins and lower ab-
domen, difficulty in urinating, all are
kidneys.
When such symptoms appear you will
almost certainly find quick relief in
GOLD MEDAL HARLEM Oil Capsules.
This famous old remedy has stood
the test for two hundred years in help
ing mankind to fight off disease.
t is imported direct from the home
laboratories in Holland, where it has
helped to develop the Dutch into one
OF the sturdiest and healthiest races in
the world, and it may be had at
almost every drug store. Your money
promptly refunded if it does not re-
ieve you. Be sure to get the genuine
GOLD MEDAL Brand. In sealed psck.
ages, three sizes.-Adv.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Slamming Herself.

There had been quarrel. Every
body could see that, the minute they
came into the car. The woman ssr
with rigid jaw, her hands folded for
biddingly. The man scrooched dow
on his spine, and glOwered at tSs
signs across the aisle. The car wgr-
dered. Then there came dead II
lence as the car halted to let of
passenger. Into the silence came the
wOman's voice.
IF it wasn't for me you'd be the
biggest fool in San Francisco.'
Then for the first time the man
grinned, and the others grinned with
him.-San Francisco Chronicle.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
(8ASC6ALL
STORIES

Peckinpaugh shows no letun IN hts
stickwOrk.
They are playing scrappy ball in
the international.
Old Man East has been pitching
some great ball for Sioux City.
George Johnson has resigned his lob
as an umpire in the American asso-
citation.
Buffalos opening day attendance in
the international Is said to have been
less than 1000.
Z. r. Hendrix Of the Chicago Cubs
IS one of the best batting pitchers
In the major leagues.
Old Pug Cavet, with but one good
eye, Is proving a winner for Jack
Hendricks at Indianapolis.
Pat Martin, pitcher, recently return.
ed from overseas, has joined Bing-
hamton In the International.
The New York fans are looking for
the guy who wrote those immortal
lines. "The Yanks are coming"
The st. Louis Browns are certainly
setting pretty fast pace in the
American league race just now.
Tom Lukanovic, the young pitcher
who was destined to set the Coast
league by the ears, failed to come
across.
Lieutenant Colonel Bittle of the
fourth division, led 1851 marksmen In
the American army tournament at Le-
mans, France.
A. Schulz, who played with the
Brewers during the training season. ia
going along nicely for the Joplin club
OF the Western league.
Of the Memphis lineup indefinitely.
His injury is a jaw battered by foul
ball.
Roy Patterson, after celebrating his
forty-first birthday, went out and
pitched a neat victory for Minneapolis
over Milwaukee.
Manager Coleman of Mobile re-
leased Pitcher Arthur Johnson, though
he had won four and lost but two
for second division club.
When Manager Miller Higgins Of
the New York Yankees, was in st.
Louis he had a conference with Hugh
High, his baking outfelder, as re-
suit OF WHICH High agreed to report to
Vernon of the Coast league.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Two Wolfes in A. A.

There are two Wolfes in the Amer
lean association. One is the veteran
player Of that name. The Wolfe with
indianapolis is Louis, the former Notre
Dame player who fought so we'll in
france that he attained the rank of
captain. Being captain was nothing
new to him, for he used to captain the
Notre Dame baseball team.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
An Incident of Army Navy Game-safe at First

WIN IT'S Daoa team beating the army nine for the first time since 1908
ana IT'S sweeping Schuyk this
year already mas itself
Annapolis and II 1t
November it will
splendid showing baseball
coac lie could not prevent the periodical aerial
the pitchers
Baker finished
believe
things
awayw
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

health. ! believe the Compound will
cure any female trouble. Mrs. ALICE
HELLER, Christopher, Ill.
Nervousness is often a symptom Of
weakness or soroe functional derange-
ment, which may be overcome by this
famous root and herb remedy, Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, as
thousands of women have found by
experience.
If complications exist, write Lydia E.
Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn, Mass for
suggestions in regard to your ailment.
The result of its long experience 10
at your service.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
"A Little Faster, Gentlemen. >

liam expressed it, "hit 'er up One by
one the other four Joined him.
Wheel" shouted William, "dem
guys is lola polluzas at dat"
Quite correct, William" assented
the G. B.
"A little faster, gentlemen" as Will.
liam resumed his alternate singing and
whistling, and patted his fo 1T.
After five minutes vigorous shinmy.
Ing, perspiration began to gather on
five foreheads,
Lay down to it," he yelled, punctu.
ating his cry with revolver shot.
Butcher dropped to the foor. There
were four more thuds.
"Now, If you gentlemen are a bit
fatigued, perhaps you would appreciate
a moments rest"
The agitation on the floor ceased.
Presently the gentleman bandit glanced
at his wrist watch.
1T Is growing late" he said cOolly,
so l expect, perhaps we had better re.
sumo. Now, all together"
William began whistling.
Grow Tired Of 1t.
The men began Hopping monstrously.
William, continuing his musical efforts.
edged toward the cash register.
None of that" his companion COM
manded sharply. "Would you take
money from those who entertain you"
William began to demonstrate. The
two argued.
"The dance grows tiresome," finally
said G. B. "But twas pleasant while
1t lasted. 1 thank you gentlemen and
bid you goodnight"
AN dom youse follow or I'll plug
you"
Come. come, William" protested his
companion, bowling to Butcher and his
companions in misery.
The two strolled out into the dark
as the five arose cautiously.
well. TIL be-be bowed" exnloded
Butcher, when the bandits were ont of
earshot. 'What'll you have. fellows@'
1.-THE police" yelled one, racing to
the telephone.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Dry Cleaned.

A little fOur-year-old, who is most
emphatically opposed to having her
face washed, said to her grandmother
the other day:
Il am not going to wash my face any
more"
When asked for an explanation, she
said: I've decided to have it dry
cleaned"
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
MACK'S ESTIMATE OF TEAMS
Position OF Detroit Shows Athletic
Manager to Be Correct in sizinq
Up Various Clubs,

The position of Detroit, strong
heid1ng and heavy hitting club, shows
that Mack's estimate of the relative
strength of the American league as
compared with former seasons is cor
rect. Mack says his present team
PROBABLY would have won the Amer
lean league championship in 1918.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
HOW THIS
NERVOUS WOMAN
GOT WELL
Told by Herself. Her Sin.
cerity Should Con.
vince Others.
Christopher, Ill.-"For four years /
suffered from irregularities, weakness,

nervousness, q n q
was in a run down
condition. Two Of
our best doct tors
failed to do me any
good. / heard so
much about what
Lydia E. Pinkham's 8
V e G e t a BILE Com
pound had done for
others, / tried it
and was cured. /
am no longer ner-
vous, am regular,
and in aYce1lapt
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
PIRATES UNCOVER STAR

The Pittsburgh Pirates have a
coming all-around star in Cliff
ford Lee. He is a sub catcher.
but he recently proved his worth
as an outfielder when Casey
Stengel was banished from
game against the Phillies. Lee
pulled down swift fly from the
bat of Cravath near the Phillie
ftagpole, walked once and hit
twice safely in four trips to the
plate.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Buy a Farm Now.

Because land Is cheaper than it will ever
be ag ain The U. s. Railroad Administration
Is prepared to furnish free information to
homeseekers regarding farming opportuni-
ties! We have nothing to sell; no money to
lend: only information to give. Write Ine
fully with reference to your needs. Name
the state you want to learn about. j. l..
Edwards. Manager, Agricultural Section
U. s. Railroad Administration, Room 20,
Washington, D. C.-adv.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Military Tactics.

Mother-Do you want any macarOni
for dinner?
Returned SCldier-No, thanks; it's
too hard to mobilize.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
HEADACHE
Often Caused by
Acid-Stomach

Yes. indeed. more often than you think
Because ACID-STOMACH. starting with in
digestion, heartburn, belching, food-repeat-
ing. bloat and gas If not checked will even
tually affect every vital organ of the body.
Severe, binding, splitting headaches are.
therefore, OF frequent occurrence as a result
OF this upset condition.
Take EATONIC. 1t quickly banishes acid
stomach with its sour bloat, pain and gas
It aids digestion-helps the stomach get
xull strength from every mouthful of food
you eat. Millions Of people are misera Bile.
weak. sick and ailing because of ACID
STOMACH. Poisons. created by partly d.
gested food charged with acid, are absorbed
into the blood and distributed throughout
the entire system. This often causes rheu-
matism, biliousness cirrhosis of the liver,
heart trouble, ulcers and even cancer of
the stomach. 1t robs its victims Of their
health, undermines the strength of the
most vigorous.
II you want to get back your physical
and mental strength-be full Of vim and
vigor-enjoy life and be happy, you must
Get rid of your cid-stomach
In EATONIC you will find tho very help
you need and it's guaranteed. So get q big
voc box from your druggist today. II It
Tails to please you. return It and hs will
refund your money
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
SHAKE INTO YOUR SHOES

hiisns a. en- Foot=Ease, the antiseptic powder
In the foot-bath. 1t relieves painful. swoL
en, smarting feet and takes the sting out
or corns and bunions. Aliens Foot=Ease
Is a certain relief for sweating, callous.
9rec, achlng feet, and makes walking q
delight Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

Especially Sense Of Harmony.
My wife doesn't sing any more"
did she lose her voice?'
"NO; she found her senses"
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Acts Up to His Name, Also

q Meahlelgh is quiet enough ordina-
rily, but somehow collectors for chari-
taDle purposes dread to go near him."
Il guess he acts like a bear then be-
cause he's foxy"
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
Barry May Go to Mack.

Jack Barry, it is said, will soon be
traded by the Red Sox for Bobby Roth
and Catcher McAvoy.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18
The Strong Withstand the Heat oe S,,
Better Than the Waak

no1 Olu people who are feeble and younger
and enabled to through the depressing
s neai OF summer by taking Groves tasteIese
cnlii tonic. 1t purifes and enriches the blood
hnu ouids up the whole system You can
soSn T. reel its Strengthening, Invigorating
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

Many man who claims to be dis
Greet is only a coward.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

A lawyer doesn't know everything.
as he thinks you think he does.
Jackson County journal., 1919-07-18

Laxlty of purpose is the founda.
tion of time serving.
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

The United States has started
in the good work of deporting
alien labor agitators back to their
native land, and may the good
work continue until the country
is rid of all Of them. These alien
agitators have done more harm
to the cause of labor, and brought
labor organizations into more dis
repute, with their preachments
of murder, arson and sabotage,
than all other agencies combined.
Organized labor of our American
citizens is not tainted with anar-
chism or any other disloyal isms,
and they are accomplishing bet
ter results for labor in an order
ly manner than all the fire. brand
red flag alien agitators in the
world. America is for Ameri-
cans, and if foreign agitators
don't ike our orderly customs
and manners they should be de-
ported to their native soil as un-
desirables.
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

If autombile drivers who kill
pedestrians while driving their
machines are to be believed, they
are never going faster than six
to ten miles an hour when they
meet up with an accident. They
do not deny they drive consider
able faster most of the time, but
just prior to the accident for some
reason or other they had brought
the machine down to a very slow
speed. There is nothing remark
able about it; the driver of the
machine is simply lying to escape
the consequences of his criminal
act.
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

We object seriously to Senator
Ashurst making any more speech
es in the u. S. Senate describing
the beauties Of Arizona. Here
tofore our people who owned a
little piece of Arizona soil were
glad to sell it for a fair price, but
since Henry's oration it is hard
to convince a man to sell out at
any price. Until then he did not
know that natures alembic was
here pouring outa mineral wealth
greater than Ophir had to burden
the ships of Solomon; and that
the Painted Desert was a sea of
jasper" He thought he just
owned a piece of common real
estate
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

There will be men out of jobs
so long as the world stands. The
important thing to know is how
many men who are out of a job
are looking for work. Hundreds.
yea thousands, of the loud mouth
ed agitators who are always howl
ing about the jobless, are the ones
who are not looking for a steady
job as it is altogether too trying
on their nervous systems. All
they want is a few days. work at
a time as they 60 beating their
way about the country.
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

If the high salaried officers and
alleged Christian aristocrats at
the head of the Y. M. C. A. want
to learn just how popular they
have made that institution in war
relief work, they should start
another drive to raise funds. The
hundred million they received as
their share of the United War
Fund, while the other war work
ing societies received only a pit
tance in comparison, was clearly
money obtained under false pre-
lenses. And the Y. M. c.. A. was
the only one that proved recre-
ant to the trust reposed in it.
The government ought to make
a rigid examination of this asso-
ciation's finances and learn ex-
actly whether the money donated
by the people for relief of the
soldiers was used for that pur-
pose, or whether it was used to
pay off the mortgages on some
of it's alleged Christian castles in
the city used for club rooms by
the idle rich. If the donated
funds have been misappropriated
the association should be made
to disgorge.
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

The Corporation Commission is
enlisting it's influential friends to
create a public sentiment in ia
vor of increasing the salaries of
the commissioners from $4,000 to
$4,000 a year. These Phoenix
friends are wiring to bankers and
other large business men asking
them to wire to their senators
and representatives to support a
bill increasing the salaries, set
ting forth that the commissioners
are a valuable adjunct to our
state government. The Corpo-
ration Commission is simply the
legalized buffer to protect the
corporations in the state, and the
salaries ought to be paid by the
corporations whom they are so
faithfully serving. instead of be-
ing a tax on the people. The
city of Winslow is a bright and
shining example of the efficiency
of the Commission to serve the
people. The city protested the
eXhorbitant rate for electricity,
and the commission held hear
ing and decided the rates were
too high, and set new schedule
on a different basis that looked
as though the rates were to be
lower, but when put into effect
ever consumer had a larger bill to
pay than before the alleged re-
duction. Complaint was filed on
water rates charged consumers
in the city, and the commission
held a hearing, ordered meters
installed and fixed the rates on a
basis that increases the water
bills of the citizens nearly double
previously paid. And these or
ders were made in face of the
findings of the commission that
the rates previously in effect were
exhorbitant. The Winslow wa
ter and light companies could we'll
afford to pay the commission
their increase in salaries out of
their increased earnings, and still
be ahead of the game. But why
should the taxpayers be called
upon to pay them more money
for working in the interest of
the corporations?
The Winslow mail., 1919-02-14

The Central Federated Union
in New York decided last week
unanimously to submit to affiili-
ated unions the question of wheth-
er they should strike in protest
to nation wide prohibition. If
organized labor knows when it is
we'll off they will fight shy of
ordering strikes in protest over
the passage of any law. The
people of this country are not
going to put the law making pow
er in the hands of labor unions,
and if law is passed that is not
pleasing to them there is de-
cent and orderly way to get it
repealed or amended. Labor is
organized for the purpose of bet
tering laboring conditions and
wages, and not for the purpose
of fostering strikes against leg
islation or court decision that
have no bearing on the labor
question.