El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1919-11-17
Easy On That
Monkey Gland
Stuff Doctor
Think What Could Hap
pen if You Rejuvenate
a Centenanan.

London. Eng. Nov. 17.-Not content
with dabbHng in monkey glands. DR..
Voronoff now claims 10 remove
wrinkles. Good for The doctor! All
the same. I don't quite like his
monkey gland live forever business
1t appears that all that Is necessary
is TO procure a monkey, cut something
out Of him-a gland / think u Is
called-stick 10 into yourself, and
there you are-live forever.
I don't know whether you give the
monkey anything in exchange for his
gland, such as equity toe, or any %
Thing like that. But it does seem fair
that ne should have something.
II is not made quite clear now
long the gland cure has 10 work be-
fore It gives you back your youth. II
would be rather sickening il, just
after you had been gIanded and told
you must lay up for six months, you
y ent out IN an attack OF flu. which,
OF course, would be good money and
Of your relatives getting the money
back.
Necessary to Take Risks.
But / suppose you would have to
take the risks IL you wanted TO drop
back from q 10 -. give those
how lar the gland would pop you back
on the path Of years. There should,
I think, be glands Of graded strength
II would be rather awkward II
grandpa Of 50, who had been in seclu-
sion for some time while the gland
was at work., were suddenly to nip
out through the French windows on
to the tennis lawn. and bag the
prettiest girl as partner for the after
noon These old boys know how to
treat women. and all the sweet seven
tennis would be after 50. who could
play such a rafting good game Of
tennis. Grandpa ought TO be put back
70 60. and no further
Give all the old fellows their youth
again. with their knowledge OF the
Wcrld, and where would the reai
youngsters be2 Out IN the road. try
ing 20 get run over. for there would
OF be penny or an opening for
them anywhere. The old ones would
scoop IN everything good that was
going
And-this is a very delicate matter
what about the women?
9ly dear young girls. you'd be
What Would Hnppens
imagine a wise old thing OF 20. who.
perhaps. had been twice married. set
Dose among men again. with the
Nilall-y OF ~ Her accumulated
knowledge Of men and the acrrf-ed
tact ana wisdom Of years would rst
her Il proposals. in spite Of white
hairi in the first week of refuveua-
ton And the pretty young things
who had got no further IN life than
the first ball and perhaps a hand hold
IN the cinema would be IA the black
forest Of Oblivion. weeping their eyes
out with Jealousy and euevy
dlrls, IT'S I'D to you TO SQUASH this
le4ulg suggestion OF revivinc youth
oeIore u comes into real effect.
Boys, do your duty
There IS also a point which I think
wants clearing up
Would the Influence OF the monkey
l1trude itself into the person
glanded2
have an aged relative. a clergy
man. for whom I would gladly head a
SUBSCRIPTION list for him 10 be
operated on
Think Of II.
But e would be rather startling n
Llon ana cure, one saw the AGED rector
spring from the pulpit 20 the cleo
troHer. there 20 hang with one hand.
slpoerine. and perhans-WelL you
Know what monkeys aret
On the other hand. 7 have another
relative, not too old-about s5-who
ALREADY is rather like the gorilla In
the first CAGE 20 the right IN the zoo
ne IS rather an unpleasant person
lIhe professor as wen as the gorilla.
, elln neeps 81 money Re cit on the
boards or companies and things. and
rs generally disliked. Il would be
rather interesting II he upset q share
no-ders' meeting by suddenly snrfnr-
lng. out Of the window and taking a
little stroll along the TELEGRAPH wires
but out Of that might come GOOD. A
lunacv INQUIRY would OF course an
sue, and I should apply to be made
trustee Of bis estate. I believe the
ices are quite good
Other instances OF the daneere Of
suddenly reiuvenatinE our elders viii
occur 70 all OF YOU. and. nersouaI1r--
1 don't approve OF the idea al ail
~ course, I shouldn't mind going
back a few wears rn~qsIf bn+ fbefis
quite a different thing.
ana as lots OF people viii think like
NAT dare say the professor Will
have some support.