The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1919-12-15
CR|DIRON CLUB HOLDS BANQUET IN WASHINGTON Politicians Have Great Fun
 at Their Annual
 Dinner TOPICS OF DAY ARE PLACED ON GRIDIRON Liquor Problem Comes In for Good Share of
 Knocks

TOT GOOd snare O1 Knocks Washington, Dec. 15.-The Grid
 iron Club had it's little evening of fun
 with public men and things at its opening winter dinner. Saturday night.
 Headed by Vice-President Marshall, cabinet members, ambassadors and ministers of the diplomatic corps, and
 members of Congress, a large guest list included scores of men we'll known Tn public and private life. Nothing was spared from the tra- 1 ditional gridiron. The railroad prob
 lem. prohibition, the labor situation, woman suffrage, reform and other 1 topics in the public eye came in for | their share of good humored treat ] ment.
 Members of the club, principally l Washington correspondents took the l parts of the actors in the sIztts which ] did the "Gridironing" on these sub. jects.
 As the capital, like the remainder
 of the country now has dry ban 1 quets," or at least is supposed to, 1t seemed appropriate that one of the | skits should be on "Moonshine" | 4 company of moonshiners pre-
 pairing some brew was shown and
 some of the dialogue included the fol- 1 lowing "jabs"
 | "A gridiron dinner is not the place 1 for that sort of thing"
 There ain't no place where it's | more needed.''
 ' Speaking of books on the subject
 l see by the papers that the prohi-
 bition enforcement agents raided the
 office of The Saturday Evening Post
 and confiscated six instaIlments of
 Henry Watterson's memoirs"
 f suppose you read that Josephus
 Daniels thinks he has a presidential II boom?''
 '"Fhats Moonshine off green
 cheese"
 Speaking for the Old Solid Demo-
 cratic Party, I nominate the best
 known moonshine dispenser of the
 day, MT. VIII Hays, chairman of tho Republican National Committed" "On behalf of the United States Re-
 publican Party progressive and reac-
 t1onary factions, l suggest there is no
 finer connoissuer of moonshine than
 MT. Homer $. Cummings, chairman of
 the Democratic Committee'
 It was decided to present both chair
 The bottles, they were told were Ire fIab1e.''
 
 The railroad skit dealt with fun scram bling the railroads" The actors
 represented former Director General McAdoo, Director General Hines and An Investor.
 McAdoo - The late MT Morgan
 said that you cannot unscrambIe
 scrambled eggs. He was wrong By the exercise of a little magic, to
 which we modestly lay claim, we l. shall illustrate how the railroads of the United States may be scrambled
 and then in the tWinkling of an eye, ' as 1t were, and so to speak, un-
 scrambled again. Can anyone loan me a silk hat. I shall return 1t promptly and entirely undamaged." (Man steps forward with silk hat. He is MT. Investor, a weu-known citizen.)
 McAdoo-'I shall return 1t with its } pristine beauty untarnished" Inyestor-'"PIease be careful. That hat represents the sale of a Liberty Bond"
 McAdoo-'"Tut, tut-have no fear we shall not hurt it in the slightest. I shall break this egg into the hat so'-(breaks and drops egg and shell into the hat).
 Investor-"Oh, my hat!' MCAdoo-''Tut-tut- Have no fears Trust me. Kindly turn your back. What you don't see won't an noy you. Now we take another egg and break tt-so. Now we take some ! fIour-add some coal-pour in some s of this agreeable variety of ketchup 3 add a little sand-and finish with a a dash of vinegar. Please don't groan s MT Investor. It is all right All these $ ingredients are symbolic, gentlemen. II Now we have the roads scrambled. , This completes my part of The trick. q I shall now pass the buck-I mean the hat-to my friend, c MT. Hines, j who will in his magic way, with q S few passes produce the beautiful rab- $ bit known Government operation a and control, and return the hat un- 5 damaged to my good friend, MT. In- s vestor." Investor groans) Hines Qool1s at hat and glares at ;a McAdoo)-'I am deeply indebted to a MT McAdoo for his trust and conf a dence. I wish he had finished the s trick He hates the 1imelight and 5a likes to retire while the retiring is a good But to the trick, gentlemen. sg Let me first cover the hat for aesthe- ss tic and olfactory reasons. It Is a little .a messy" (Covers hat with handker- | chief sei-zes wand.) j Hines-'I now make these mys- sj terious passes-so-saying the cabal- sS istic words-Hocus - pocus-1920- s5 Brotherhoods-As Taught Me By MT M McAdoo. Then I quickly raise the 4 cloth and here we have-(starts s back, looking nervous). An, I see S Mr. McAdoo forgot something. Let a me add the Plumb plan" (drops A three plums and breaks another, egg Sz Investor groans and tears his hair) N Hines-( continuing-"Noww we have M it. Hocus-pocus - 1920-presto.' A (takes up handkerchief, looks-stars A back, rushes to McAdoo, sayingO. g Hines-"My God, Mac, I can't dc ss the trick"
 z McAdoo-''Thats your affair-not I mine"
 E Investor-'fMy hat-my hat!" E McAdoo-'Give him back his hat a Hines-"But this mess-what vii
 McAdoo-"oh, hand it back. He e can't kick"
 y Hines-"Here you are, sir (Hands $ hat to Investor, whoV takes it and l. yeIls)
 Investor-"What a mess! Oh, my S l TSp can't cIaa