The Coconino sun., 1919-09-12

Your church has all blown to hell
 Elderv"
 Here are a couple of epitaphs con-
 tributed to the overworked editor of
 this column by E. S. M. Good bow
 Help us out. Any old time any of
 our readers feels a ticklin' to write
 something for us or hankerin' to
 tell us anything to be printed here,
 come to it. No matter how good it
 feels it won't be half as much pleas
 ure for you to get it of your chest
 as it will be for us to get it on ours.
 Tell us anything funny you think
 of. The more personal it is in it's
 application the better. There's noth-
 ing. so funny in fiction as in fact
 nothing that appeals to a persons
 sense of humor so quickly as some
 thing funny about someone that per-
 son knows.
 Loosen up; be good fellow; tell
 us all about it, just so long as it is
 harmless.
 | Lessee, what wuz ws gointosay?
 Oh, yes, those two epitaphs. Here's
 one:
 Alpha White, weight 300 pounds.
 Open wide ye golden gates That lead to the heavenly shore; Our father suffered in passing thru, And mother weighs much more." And here's the other:
 "Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thos. Smith, the marble cutter. This monu- ment was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and as a speci- men of his work. Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars"
 Here's another we'll contribute on our own hook, just to show E. s. NJ. no hard feelings have been engen- dered. It was copied from a tomb stone in Northumberland, England: "Here lies old Jones, Who all his life collected bones, Til death, that grim and bony spector That all-amassing bone collector, Boned old Jones, so neat and tidy. And here he lies, all bona fide."
 J. J. Costigan, the Orpheum theater | man, will apply for a patent on a new invention he has that will enable any, one carrying the contrivance to see | around corner.
 "The user can bend his line of vision at will to any angle not exceeding 45 degrees" Mir. Costigan explains. "and my invention will be gratefully received, l am sure, by the many peo- pie whose debtors, by long practice, have acquired the faculty of always seeing them first"
 We've often heard the expression, Let the cat lick the plates" But we never heard of anyone who made that method of washing dishes a reg ular practice until Paul Fertig (who, being Sun man, must be truthful) told us of the experience he and Mrs. Fertig had the other Sunday night on one of the Frisco peaks.
 They were the guests of Edward R. Hickerson. of the U. s. Coast and Ieodetic Survey, who lives just at the timber line up there. Mrs. Fertig started in to wash the supper dishes liter their first meal with Hickerson. The latter told her that was entirely and insisted that she l imply set the dishes outside on the round, assuring her that she would ind them all washed in the morning. The did as he advised.
 Late in the night she was awak- ned by racket among the dishes. The looked out. What she saw nearly cared her to death. For there was big bear, conscientiously licking the ishes. After he got them all washed e ambled away. Hickerson assured them next morn 1g that he always put each days &C., of dirty dishes out for the {: ear to wash at night, and that bruin {: ad never yet failed to do the job, {: and well. It isn't tame bear, either. Both MT. and Mrs. Fertig vouch pr the truth of this. Mrs. Fertig's ord for it makes us believe it is !: ue. Some of our Flagstaff ladies who !: re having trouble with the help prob m, would perhaps like to hire this ear. We are going to mention it } Mrs. c. A. Keller, as she has lost sr hired girl. !: Hickerson, by the way, is one of a 1: 'fps of government surveyors, sew : al of whom are situated on other ountains throughout the state, and uch of their surveying is done hg !: lescopic observations taken from |