davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
c. &. THOMPSON, Agent,
Marion, Ky.
Birthday Surprise

mo matter how dark and
dreary the day, somewhere the
sun always shines" was demon
strated last Sunday at the home
of Mr.. and Mrs. Sam A. Num-.
near Blackford.
The morning dawning with
the sun on a vacation and a slow
rain falling, naturally Mr.. and
Mrs. Num- were planning on a
quit day at home. One can i'm
agine their surprise when up in
the morning, cars and carriages
begun to appear on the scene.
not only loaded with relatives
and friends but with baskets
of all the good things to eat
that old Crittenden has the rep
utation for and that only our
ladies know how to serve
BY the time the hands on the
clock had travelled to the half
way station there were fifty
people there to show Mr.. and
Mrs. Num- just how much they
loved and appreciated them by
serving for them one of the
best dinners anyone ever taSt-
ed.
This surprise and pleasure
for the old people had been plan
ned by their children. all Of
whom were present but two,
and they were too far away TO
get there.
Mr.. Num- is s. years young
and his wife 80, but if you had
have asked them their age that
day they would have probably
answered, something like sweet
sixteen" ."
II was a delightful day for all
but TO Mr.. and Mrs. Num- it
will be one of the sacred occu-
pants of their memory chest
where all their pleasant mem
orieS are stored away.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
Let me tell you about it.
fOkDS FERRY

The barbecue at Clements.
burg proved quite a success
even though the weather was
10, Very favorable. There was
"a large crowd and about fifty
soldiers and sailors present. In
he afternoon the soldiers drill
ed quite a bit and then later
marched up to the ball ground
where there were two very in
tereSting ball games, as our
team played Caseyville and To-
lu. The scores were. Fords
Ferry ten. Caseyville five and
FordS Ferry six and Tolu five.
Every one had a delightful
lime and we parted with very
thankful hearts that our crea.
tor had given us the opportuni.
~ 10 meet with each other and
those boys who so nobly had
done their duty to help main.
tain the liberty of this fair land
Of ours.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
CIib0St's ExfrsvsRsnce
Text Book Commission Fsrco

III" STANLEY Text Boot ComnAnsioo changed
noe u the books In the grades and voald have
snak~t the pArns " ID. childrvn t6OO.J
rporv for their books but the whole adoption
vas thrown out BY the Oour, OF Appeals Urued
b. l-sdlnr Democrats all over IN. state to also
throw out the Ter, Boot Commission. 90, srnor
Black turned q h~af ear and By the time Q nee
adoption rn made me publisher. uers % Do
lared that many schools hsy. been forrsd To
g~' along with old books. and some Of then
won't se, ,hs nS~ books a. ell for prop>r vost
this rear
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
SAYS NEIGHBORS
GIVEN SURPRISE
BY THE CHANGE
Couldn't Understand Remark
able Improvement Tru.
tona Wrought. Wo-
man Ayers.

OwenSbOro, Ky, Oct. 9-"My
neighborS who knew the condi-
king Trutona, are surprised to
tion | was in. before | began Ia
see me working again" Mrs.
Fannie Grundy, we'll known
OwenSboro woman. OF 6l6 Trip
let street, said recently. I'm
certainly grateful for this new
tonic, for it has given me more
relief than any other medicine
most all of them" she added.
81 had been troubled with
ulcerton of the stomach for the
past 20 years My bowels were
in a very bad condition | would
be severely conStipated for
three or four days at a time and
laxative Id have a hard time to
check the bowel action. Natu.
rally became very weak.
81 had been bedfaSt for six
weeks before | began taking
Trutona. You can imagine my
surprise, when. at the end of
the first weeks treatment |
was able to get out of bed and
began to do my housework
again. I'm eating food now
that | haven't dared TO touch in
the past two years. Why, !
can even eat corn bread now
and that's one food that used to
make me very sick. have new
er before given a testimonial
for any medicine, but | feel that
the public should know of the
wonderful relief I've gained
from a dollar bottle of Trutona.
Trutona is now being intro
duced and explained in Marion
at J. II. Orme'S drug store.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

and reared. My wife was the
daughter of Maxwell P. Phillips.
So here we are-one of you.
We are here to do our bit for
our own people. One of the me-
diumS is the Crittenden Press.
Though our road has been
rocky since we took charge of
the plant. The big fire put us
out of business completely
only saved the key. to the front
door. BY the unStinted kind
ness of our good friend Joe
Bourland, my son was enabled
to go right on with the business.
of space to do our work and
We are much crowded for lack
are not away from the cOnfu-
sion brought on by the fire but
before many more moons We
will be in better shape to take
care of the business as well as
our friends.
The Press will stand for every
thing that makes good citi-
zens-The churches, schools.
pure social life, better roads,
better stock, better farming
etc. Very cordially,
William F. Hogard.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
Ciibsrt's "Sors Toe" Book

supt Gilb.rt's printing bill u costing The
taxpayers three tne- shat they paid under
Governor Willsoa tRepubcNu). Anon. The
books paid zoe BY the tANpayerr At = COS, ot
$4,000, was the famous Sore Zoe book com.
pllsd By the equally famous DR.. ". L Heir.r.
whose Physiology" sas f'diruled BY the lsad.
ing Democratic newspapers " n. state This
Sore Toe book tells little Johnnie how 10
srap " 'puncturr- n hs foot. Nsrn. llftls
Jennie not eat meat more than once dsy.
calls on dad to shave on his shishsrs ti, 'scs
mother 10 vssh an sIa before boiling Il. and a.
mands ths killing Of all dogs and eSu
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

Rev. 7. G.. Koontz, D. d., Of
New York City will lecture at
the Main street Presbyterian
church next Saturday after
noon at four o'clock on the
great movements OF the
churches today and especially
on the New Era Movement of
the Presbyterian Church. He
will preach at night at eight
o'clock. He is 4 fine speaker.
All are cordially invited to hear
him.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

Don't forget htat you can get
the Press and the Evansville
Courier a whole year for only
six dollars.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

We place the Elizabethtown
News on our exchange list. Mr..
Harry Summers is one of the
best of the Kentucky editors.
A voluminous writer and always
on the right side of every ques-
tion.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

The democratic campaign
for Crittenden county will be in
charge of W. L. Howerton,
chairman and Lee Morse, sec
retary.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

| am here-a bona fide clti-
zen of Marion
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10
House and Lot for Sale.

Good four room house, stable,
ggod well and fine location on
East Depot st. J. II. AGEE.
The Crittenden press., 1919-10-10

Rev. James f. Price is at
Presbytery at Frances this
week.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Bv EDWARD BLACK.

Henry Leffingwell and the mlssut
went a-vacationing to the Hooslei
state. the home of George Ade
Booth Harrington, Meredith Mich
olson and other fiction proflteers
By some inexplicable mental pro.
cess they had believed that Union
Mills. their old home town, had re-
manned apart from workaday
world and had retained all of its old
time pastoral simplicity. The sight
of new public garage in the place
where a livery stable had become
an institution seemed SO incongru-
Gus as to jar the sensibilities of the
prodigals.
The Mills, however, had progress
ed during the whirlgig of time. The
old watering trough in front OF
Marve Freeman's store, where many
a tired horse bowed its head for a
cooling drink, had made way for a
gasoline filling station.
Leffingwell recalled the days
when he INDUCED in hay rack par
ties and barn dances. He met a
miss who was humming late tune,
Can You Tame Wild Women"
DO they ever have hay rack par
ties here?' he asked.
"Ill say we don't" she replied.
I'VE get the boat out of the garage,
throw some gas into her and off we
go"
What do you put gas in boat
fOr?" he incurred.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Lefffingwells Find the Old
Town Has Been M0dernized
Henry and the Missus Go aVacationing to the Hoos-
ier State and Discover the Pastoral Simplicity
of Yesteryear Gone.

dad calls it a boat. Sometimes
ma calls it bus, but, of course, the
correct name is automobile she
added.
Henry proposed to Mrs. Letting
we'll that they should get up hay
rack party, just for old times sake
but they found that hay WAS so
high that they decided it would be
cheaper to go to the garage and
hire a boat" or bus"
Il am going to drive the machine
myself" LeffingWell proudly an
nounced when he honked the horn
i'll front of the house, as signal for
his wife to get aboard and have
rendezvous with death.
Then you'll drive alone. Some
body has to raise the children" Mrs.
Leffingwell meaningfully replied.
There was one feature of Union
Mills that has never changed with
the passing years and that is the old
mill. The same old, tall, frame
building is there, with the trees anc
the dam and the old miller. Thi:
scene lends bit of real antiquity tc
the outlook. 1t reminded Letting
we'll OF the truism, "The mill will
never grind with the water that ha>
passed" :"
Competition is still the life OF
trade there, as was evidenced by a
barber on one side of Main street
charging 10 cents for shave and
another on the opposite side charg-
ing Is cents.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
This Tarantula Baby
Had a Wicked Idea, But
Editor Had One, Too

"A fool and his money are soon
parted" they tell US, but the editor
of the Potter (Nebr.) Review was
not thinking of $3.50 he lost when he
discovered that his little pet,
ably poisonous tarantula had
escaped from his quarters in the
night and was somewhere, (ye gods!
perhaps right in this room) and
who knew that but at the turn of
page of paper, the pulling out of
case OF the stir of the jobber might
bring to view this creature which
with its very looks can raise the
hair on the head of a Marine hero,
even if it does not jump and grab
one by the nose.
Many people wondered why the
Review doors were closed all Mon
day forenoon, but that was the
r Jason.
inside, the Office was being
thoroughly searched and it was moi
until noon that this l0-legged
beauty was found in the editors
living rooms adjoining the Office.
The tarantula had crawled about
50 feet in the night, and in reach
ing his destination had perhaps
crawled under and around the
editors bed-oh!-Not to change
the subject but isn't this beautiful
weather and do you think it will
snow next Christmas?
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
A Touching Tale.

The death of Peggy, the famous
duck of Rouen, N. J., comes
as a reminder to u.s. that we would
do we'll to follow the principles
which guided the life. of this excel
lent bird. Peggy was celebrated in
two hemispheres as the champion
egglayer of the world, the New York
Evening Post states. Peggy, in one
year, laid as many as SIS eggs. Yet,
celebrated as she was, noted
wherever eggs were laid or scram-
bled, head of her glorious profess
sion, what was her attitude after we
entered the war? Did she rush into
print, airing her opinion as to what
the president ought to do' Not at
all. Despite numerous tempting Of
fers from fowl fashions and other
magazines, she refrained from ut
terance and continued contributing
her daily drop to national victory.
Even when the Germans opened
their recent peace drive Peggy did
not turn hysterical and demand that
they at once surrender all the
Strassburg geese. She, still in 81
lence, went on her lay. 1t is related
of her that on the morning of her
demise she quietly produced an egg,
and, indicating her satisfaction with
a feeble auack keeled over and ex-
pi
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17

and asked to be driven to the bar
tenders ball.
A boy of 8 slipped a six-cylindered
yellowish substance with the finesss
of veteran rail hound, lit a four.
base eigaret and breezed.
But Some Are Lucky.
Interviews with a number of vic.
TINS behind the marble bars re,
vealed that Omaha is victim oi
-thirst-and just because the
w. X. and P. law says that we cant
lean on the mahogany, or stack up
in cafe and drown our sorrows
with J. Barleycorn, the public il,
combing every nook and Granny
trying to find something "just a:
good"
One young plug, who never dranl
anything stronger than two anc
three-quarters buttermilk before tn,
great drouth, is spending his even.
lngs in near-Jag parlors, trying to
lick up all the substitutes the Gun.
ming cheaters are flooding the mar
ket with.
The water rate ought to be close
to zero, for the only drain on the
city's aqua system just now seems
to come Saturday night when baths
are in order.
It's dry route, brothers.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Longing for Smoke
Saved Life Of Omaha
Soldier in France

Andrew Olson, salesman for the
T. G. Northwall Co., credits little
paper tube filled with tobacco for
his retlrn to Omaha from France,
where Ire served as runner for the
A. Z. F.
Resting in a she'll hole he rolled"
a cigaret and finding himself with
out match he attempted to borrow
one from two machine gunners who
occupied the hole with him. Neither
could accommodate him and he left
them, saving:
"I'll step over to the next hole and
bum one"
He hurried across the l00-yard
space to the nearest hole and while
lighting his cigaret heard German
shell explode nearby. Looking back
he discovered that the she'll exploded
in the hole he had recently vacated
and killed both of his former COM
panions
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Base Ball Frenzy When
Judge Shows Colors

City Attorney Weaver was max
ing an impassioned plea in District
Judge Estel1e's court. The, judge
was bored. Suddenly he interrupted
Mr.. Weaver.
What has all that got to do with
Cincinnati winning the National
league pennant this year" he in
qulred.
How about New York" inquired
someone.
Bah, New York hasn't got a look
in," exclaimed the Judge, and pro-
ceeded to tell just why Cincinnati
had the best team i'll the country.
Looks as if the Judge was preju-
diced" whispered an interested
spectator. The judge overheard the
remark.
Of course I'm prejudiced, came
from there" he exclaimed. Il saw
the old Cincinnati Red Sox beat
New York in a series of games be
fore the National league was in ex-
istence."
Court was adjourned.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17

mood for jokes. That wouldn't pay
de war tax on the cigarets l use"
Why, say, gang. this high cost Of
existing has even got the well-knowr
| bossies shaking a mean hip.
Most Of the cows hitting over .20(
decided to declare prohibition un-
less they were topped off on four
leaf Covers. As verdict the price
of milk leaped up to 80 cents for a
quart that looked like the last drink
in half-pint bottle on July /.
The COWS refuse to be MIXED
and the public is being mulcted
and made to like it. Boy, this is
one large, harsh and ambitious
globe.
You Said 1t, Brother.
Here's the widely-touted straw
that broke the back of the equally
prominent camel.
We used to get home at ignht, jam
a flock of alfalfa into the old re-
liable smokestack. flop back in the
Morris chair, and fgger:
Home, sweet home. The jips
can't get me here"
That's all wrong, Aloysius, it's
every bit erroneous.
The other day the landlord
popped in and cast out the infor-
nation that he was going to leap
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
It $ a Dry Route, Brother,
But We're All in Same Boat
The Best You Can Get From These Near and Next
Potions Is State of Mind That Borders on a
Hangess Hangover

The bird that penned "The Curse
of Lik-ker" would turn mean
shmmy in his well-known grave il
he could look down the line of kick
kollectors at any thriving near
beerery right here in Omaha.
You can't get drunk on anything
but love now that those arid states
men have put the bee on Kid Alco-
hol, but you can go through all the
sensations at perfectly respectable
fountain.
The names alone of some of the
weird concoctions foisted upon the
thirsty folks to take the place of
joy juice produce an imaginative
bun, and if you can feed up the Wis
ionary senses a wee bit, you can
trot out with a momentary state of
exhiliration that carries a hangless-
hangover.
To wit:
The writer broke into one of the
eity's best little palaces of qualified
liquor, and requested something
with lii pep.
What's in Name?
After the barmaid had enumerated
a flock of enticing monickers for
near and next potions that sounded
like list Of flag stations on the
Wabash, the writer chose one that
sounded more like the days of late
June, and showed her down.
Oh, boy, oh baby!!
The result was instantaneous.
The taste that permeated, radiated
or amalgamated, was a cross be-
tween a hard winter and a new sub
stitute for gasoline.
If they'd fed that to some Of the
hopeless family before they shut
down the boozeries, the nation
would have been as free from rum
hounds as a snake from hips.
Not to be downhearted, an S. 0.
S. call was put in for another al
most tonic.
This time, the beverage looked
like an emblem of wash day.
Can't Tell by Looks.
1t had all outward appearances of
being a glass of real beer and no
time was wasted in its consumption
Less time was given to compila-
ton of the horrible ends that could
be attained by becoming an addict
to the dope.
Recess was called and the writer
took vantage post for observation,
noticing that all of the customers
made faces like the Kaiser did last
November whenever they took a
shot of various colored and titled
substitutes.
They liked it, fine!
One hyena slipped pinch Of 100
per cent alcohol into "Beero' and
staggered to the street singing IRE
land Must be Heaven, for They
Haven't Prohibition There"
An old maid drank three "Wotos"
in rapid succession, hailed taxicab |
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
This Is Some Of the
Stuff a Newspaper
Editor Has to Read

The editor of newspaper gets all
sorts of letters in a day-for in
stance, the following:
Omaha, Neb., Aug, II, 1919,
Editor, Omaha Bee,
Omaha, Neb.
Dear Sir:
Regarding an article on the death
Of Andrew Carnegie, published in
your paper of the 18th inst, may |
ask pertinent, or possibly imperti
nent question? How could man
who was "a years old be in his SD
year?
| would greatly appreciate your
answer to this query, eyen though
1t be statement to the effect that
a typographical error was made.
his, as ! understand it. is the usual
thing when newspaper errs.
Faithfully yours,
BERT A. MINTZ.
| reside at the Flatiron hotel, this
city.
The very momentous question
worrying Mr.. Mintz was a subhead
line which said Mr.. Carnegie was
81 and the story 80,
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
EXTRA! EXTRA!
Omaha Swept by Hurricane
Blast for Half an Hour

For nearly half an hour thi:
morning a terrific wind from the
south, amounting for a time to q
hurricane, played havoc in the busi,
ness and residence sections OF
Omaha. The maximum speed oi
the gale was 4o miles an hour by the
government instruments, at about
$50 o'clock. During most of the
high speed period the gauge showed
4S miles. This demonstration was
accompanied with rain and light
ming.
Around the corners buttressed by
tall buildings the wind made it
almos. impossible for pedes-
trians to walk, especially at Four
teenth and Farnam and at Fif-
teenth and Dodge, where the Union
: Pacific headquarters causes high
vortex
At the latter corner the Wind
was SO strong that the women were
forced to sit down on the sidewalk
since the windows and doorways
we're full of spectators. A special
employe of the custodian depart
nent of the Union Pacific building
had to assist in opening and closing
the street door Of that structure,
since the suction was so great that
it bade fair to tear the plate glass
from its moorings.
Whip Auto Top to Ribbons
Halt dozen automobiles parked
along this storm-center corr er
were completely stripped of their
tops, which were whipped into rib
bons. Pedestrians were "jazzed"
along down the streets, unable to
stop until they could find a pole or
a crevice to hang upon. Many
windows were blown out.
On Douglas street, between Four
teenth and Fifteenth, a one-horse
laundry wagon was turned over
while the driver was in a nearby
store. The horse looked back at the
astonishing sight, managing to keep
his balance, and whinnied petulantly,
Bystanders promptly righted the
craft
A fve-foot long piece of a tele-
phone pole broken off by the wind
crashed through the roof of the
home of Mrs. Mary Sullivan, 2725
California street. None was hurt.
A huge tree at Twenty-sixth and
Burdette streets was blown down.
The wind was especially bad in
Florence. Many trees were COM
pletely demolished Three trees on
the read from Florence to Forest
Lawn cemetery were blown over on
the telephone wires, breaking sew
eral wires. Trees in the park were
split and broken.
A southbound Parkline car came
down Sixteenth street with a great
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Omahan Qualities as
the States Greatest
Face Rememberer
"Hello, there, Abraml"


A young man greeted another
with this salutation the other day
! in front of the Bee building.
The second man couldn't place"
the greeter.
"Why, I'm Charlie McGlumphy,"
said the greeter.
Il haven't any doubt of it, but I'm
sorry to say that Charlie Medium
ply means nothing to me-" was the
reply.
Don't you remember me?" asked
Mr.. McGlumphy.
Don't believe I do"
We'll, | used to go to school with
you in the Q street school in Lin
coin, Our teacher was Miss Lantz,"
said Charlie.
We'll, Charlie, I hand you the
palm for being the champion face
rememberer," said the Omahan.
When Charlie last saw the Oma-
han they were both boys IS years of
age. That was about 20 years ago.
Il never forget a face" said
Charlie.
"Pll say you don't" said his old
SchoOimate.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
Superfluity Of Ham
and Eggs Causes a
Row in This Family

The high cost of living is causing
many domestic entanglements, &C
cording to Superintendent r. H.
Werlich OF the board of public well
fare.
The latest family jar Strengthened
out arose from a husbands remon-
strances when his wife cooked more
eggs and bacon than were actually
needed for one breakfast. He
viewed with alarm an occasional ex-
cess of these costly edibles after the
meal.
Mr.. Werlich applied a happy solu-
ton of the problem.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-08-17
The cost of living isn't high.
It's way mast thafi

The cost of living isn't high.
It's way past that!
A flock of folks used to chirp
that it was hard to die"
Now it's almost impossible, fol
the undertakers' trust has lifted the
ante on hardwood overcoats until
the poor and unsophisticated can.
not afford to kick off.
Before they put Joy Juice in the
class of the dodo, the nations
spendthrifts used to toss away a
COB of>dough in getting all rummed-
up. This was regarded by the staid
home folks as a sinful waste-and
maybe it was. We never stopped to
figure it out. But you can play it
straight across the boards that a
i,rst-class, A No. | home layout at
Sunday dinner knocks more real
cash into currency than the prettiest
a'cohol landscape any expert ever
painted before July /.
Dreams, Just Dreams.
Listen to this and pass into a
iappy coma:
Cream of chicken soup, relishes,
roast sucking pig, home dressing,
pineapple sherbet, lobster salad
three kinds of vegetables, ice cream
and cake, demi tasse."
Get that, brothers and sisters.
You can have your choice OF that
or 500 shares of Pennsylvania rail
road stock.
1t can't be accomplished-any
more.
One unthinking bird bought two
bits worth of beefsteak at a down
town butcher shop the other day.