The fool-killer., 1919-10-01
THE DEAR OLD PUBLIC"

LIIe-I WAS dDOuC W cuSS.
But / am so mad | can't hardly
see.
I've just been trying to get a
line on this here Industrial Con-
ference thing they have staged
at Washington, and I'll be civilly
razzle-dazzled if it amt the lam
bangingest mess l have seen
since Heck was a very small dog.
Just before starting on his
western carouse, the president
sent out a "call" for an indus
trial conference to meet at
Washington on October 6 for the
purpose Of settling the labor
troubles.
AS l understand it, labor was
to appoint some delegates, and
capital was to appoint some, and
then | don't know who in the
tarnal-nation appointed the rest
of them. All | know is that
whoever did it shore-to-goodness
did do a dandy job Of it.
First off, somebody took the
authority to divide the popula-
tion into three groups-Capital,
Labor and the Public.
And that's what looks at me.
For instance, who is the
Public 2"
Lemme. see.
If you have capital to invest.
so that you can make your mon
ey work for you, and so that you
can live off the interest Of your
money-then you are a capita.
list.
Any fool ought to know that.
But if you INIT got a gooe
financial heel Oh, and have to get
cut and hustle lor the meat-skil
TO- grease the skillet-:hen &c,
are a laborer.
And everybody belongs to on
or the other Of these two classes
You have either got an indie
pendent fortune, OF you hav'
rot.
And the answer to that ques
ton decides whether you are
capitalist or a laborer.
After you have sorted GU
these two groups, [ would low,
to know where you are going t,
find anybody else to put into
third group to be called tn
Public.
That's the flea that bit me.
The fact is, there cannot b.
three groups, any more thar
there can be three ends to
cross-tie.
But that amt the worst O
it yet. After they got their tw'
real groups and their one imag
mary group all sorted out ant
labelled, the next thing was t.
get a. bunch of delegates to rep
resent each group.
Of course old man Gomper
and his crowd sorter looked afte
; getting the labor delegates, an
they did very we'll, considering
that Gompers is a sort of half
baked pluto himself.
Then wouldn't you natural.
suppose that men like E. H. Gary
head of the steel trust, an
Rocky D. Oilyfeller, Jr., woul
be chosen to represent the capi
talist group? All reason an
| common sense would deman
! that if these men we're delegate
; at all they should represent thei
, own crowd-the capitals
group.
, But where do we find Gary an
Rocky?
Bless your gizzard, honey
} where DO you reckon?
:, In the imaginary "public
:, group. If it amt so you ma
give me a thousand dollars.
The whole idea of having tina
third imaginary group was fo
the purpose of giving the plute
a double delegation. They try
pretend that the public is
neutral body standing betwee
labor and capital.
But there amt any such
} neutral body.
: And even if there were such
' neutral body, the public's DELE
gates ought to be disintereste
1 men. Instead of that, they too
I the very biggest plutes-th
+ most prejudiced capitalists the
: could find-and put them to rel
' resent the imaginary "public.'
:, Just about like setting a gan
3 of old tom-cats to guard a pan {
milk. Or like electing a profe'
sional hank-rObber as preSldel