davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
WARSHIP SAILS WITH AWNINGS
Miles to the Azores With
out Fuel.

Ponta Delgada.-On account OF
water in it, fuel oil supply the United
States destroyer Maddox ran short Of
fuel 1000 miles from the Azores and
was forced to resort 10 the ~expedient
of using its awnings for sails.
The Maddox has just arrived safe
by AT Ponta Delgada.
The Maddox. while acting as a
guard ship on the ece transatlaD-
tic air flight. sighted the disabled oil
tanker Maumee ia distress in a gale.
The Maddox flowed the tanker. -hich
is ten times its size. until it was re-
Iieved by other ~destroyers.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
Cops Give Hermit His
Annual Shave and Bath

Dallas. Tex.-John MAY, aged
hermit who lives in a dilapi-
dated shack in the river bot
toms here. has been given his
annual haircut. shave and bath.
The police did the tonsorial act
and also administered the scrub
bling. II took several of the
cops TO do IL. for John is a
strong man and put up a de-
termined struggle throughout
the performance. He went to
the police station with grizzly
hair and beard. which reached
almost to his waist. He came
away with a smooth face and
head and smelling like high
priced toilet water.
John got his first haircut.
shave and bath in twenty years
last year when the cops ran
him in and trimmed him up.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
Birthdays Regulate Unions

and the astrologer consulted, who will
tell them whether a boy born on Mon
day and a girl on Wednesday may
wed. No matter how ardently a
match is desired by the interested
parties some unions. judged according
to birthdays. would be most unlucky.
As each day of the week is guarded
by an animal, 1t naturally follows
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
Twenty-three-knot Speed.

The 'P-3l" is pa feet long, with mar
row beam, seven-foot draft and
equipped with independent engines,
fore and aft, that can speed her
through heavy sea- at % knots an
hour. Built high forward and low at
the stern. the vessel has somewhat
the appearance of a submarine-an eff
feet that her designers intended.
Fritz sometimes would think she
was Il sub and would open fire on
her-hut when she Slowed around in
her own length and got into action
IIeine was sorry he had spoken" said
a sailor who had been through eight
engagements on the fighter.
There had been other brushes with
enemy craft. he explained, adding, "hut
unless you can bring home n bit of the
corpse. the admiralty say. not proven
It's no use TO tell them about the oil
and bubbles, they're no proof, because
Fritz used to ~release oil and bubbles
to make us waste ammunition"
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

There is no love making as we know
II in a Burmese courtship. no kissing
and holding of hands and embracing.
This would be most shocking to the
modest instincts of the Burmese
maiden. Yet love has in Burma. rs
in all the rest Of the world. Its own
signs. Finally the fathers and moth
er's consent is asked, the dowry fixed
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

that a man born on a day ruled by a
serpent and a woman on a day ruled
by a mongoose, the serpentis deadly
enemy. could not possibly live hap
PLY together.-Elizabeth Cooper. In
Asia Magazine.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

Italian provinces in which 20 DER
cent of the communes are without tele-
phone service are authorized to issue
bonds Jointly with the to
extend the wire facilities.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
Smoothing Marital Troubles.

Smootniho mdFttai tFooose@
In Norway, when a husband and
wife discover that they a no longer
live in harmony. they go tell their
troubles to a magistrate. who sends
them to a Cancellation board. a sort
of "kiss-and-be-friends" committee.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

Wilmington. DeI.-To avoid turpen-
tine -jags~ shipyard painters workinr
down in hip holds have been supplied
with gas masks.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
Federal Board Estimates That
$4,000 Will Have to Be
Fitted for Vacations
1856 ALREADY IN TRAINING
Government Works on Four Year
Program. but Funds Are t!eeded
to Complete Plans-Board Re-
views 1000 Cases a Day.

Observation-Disclosures To overcome
the handicaps Of men injured in the
war the f deral government is
striving to place the vo~cationally d.>-
ahled soldier back in the economic
ranks of the country. able to compete
with other whole" men and to earu
an independent income for himself.
According to Information just made
public by the federal board for vo-
cational education it is likely That
h> many as 10000 men who served
in the war Will have to be re-cdu-
Gated. either vocationally or u
tioual!y.
Under this plan the federal board
j. NOW working on what Is pracii-
cally "a four-year program although
appropriations 50 far have been made
only M to July, 1920. In another
month it is estimated, 1000 men
VIII be approved to 20 into immediate
trimming with the opening for the
fan frrrns of the professional and
t"rilniral schools of the country, The
10000 or 10000 men disabled in the
service of the country will all be
placed IN training for various lines
of activity and nearly an of them
viii have completed rehabilitation Ly
the ufuEer of l923. BY far the ma
lortty of the men 10 be- rehabilitattd
will have finished their retraiuing. 4
is expected, within a year or two
years, some of them in less than six
months, and will he back on their
feet in that time in professional and
industrial tanks.
May Extend Work.
so far no provision has been made
by Congress for rchabililating men
whose disabilities do not amount Ia
n vocational ~ 0ccupational handi-
cap. 1t is said 10y those best Informed
on reconstruction Legislation that con
greSS may yet he asked to provide
some means of compensatory train
ing. MS well as the compensation al
ready paid through the war risk bu.
rcau to men who have simply suffered
physical disabilities. without economic
loss To them. in their %cOuntry's service.
To carry out such II program. 1t is es-
timated that the federal government
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

A single fact is worth a shipload of
argument.
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03
AS CONGRESS SEES ITSELF ~
O Wad some power
the giftie gie us
To see ourseI's as
ithers see us!
- Robert Burns
- Robert Burns

HE "Oficial Congressional Directory.
Sixty-Sixth Congress-" which is now
OFF the government press. might very
well carry the subtitle, AS Congress
Sees Itself" For il contains as usual
a biographical sketch of each senator
and representative-with one eXcep-
ton. And these biographies are auto
biographies. To be sure, there Is Il
New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1919-10-03

mems pockets soon We're bullying, but
there was no complaint about profit
canine
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
DEMON ALCOHOL LURKS
 IN FLOWERS OF FIELDS

Prof. Lewis B. Allyn is said to know more of prohibition" drinks with and without kick than any man in the United States. He has tested more than 1000 of these concoctions since the hand of prohibition was laid upon the land on July i. He is con stantly receiving letters as to "the best recipe"
 One of those to gain his special at tention is "corn beer," made from a combination of roasted corn and yeast. So-called Detroit whisky" made out of prunes, corn, yeast and few other things, tests 96 per cent kick.
 Plain root beer tests 2.65, and with a ait little lee encouragement will do better
 When it comes to wines, Prof. Allyn discovers that the innocent dandelion becomes raging demon to the extent of 14.35, when it becomes a wine.
 Clover makes wine of IA per cent strength; grapes 16 per cent and up- wards. The little joke in the latter is that it develops a potency of 5 per cent in twenty-four hours and $ per cent in thirty-six hours when a bit of yeast is added.
 He groups in one class as "unde- sirables' flavoring extracts and Ja- maica ginger. Very soft drinks in- clhde limitations of the old-time gins, whistles and cocktails, which taste something like the ancient goods but lack the authority" which once made them favorites. A number of fer mented milk preparations also have been tried out. One of the most wierd combinations is known as kvas, said to originate in Russia. It is made from, dry stale bread, water and yeast, and has a peculiar taste which must be cultivated. It is very intoxicating.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
"ONCE ARIZONA
 ALWAYS ARIZONA"

On October IT, 1916, the u S. S. Arizona was commissioned with John D. Mcdonald as skipper. Since that day the captain, officers and crew have been changed several times, but the old motto, "Once Arizona-Always Arizona holds good. The ones who have left and have not returned still have their hearts on board, and, at the mention of her name, experience a thrill of pride that they once served on board the most efficient man-o of war in the world. Her wonderful record in the past three years speaks for itself within niife white "E's," holding the fleet athletic championship for 1918, the Battenburg cup for two years. and her reputation for being the creanest, smartest ship in the American navy.
 On yesterday, the third anniversay of her commissioning, ships ball was given in the grand ballroom at the Hotel Astor in New York City. Captain J. H. Dayton now is the com manding officer.-The Army and Navy Journal.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
SHALL LYMAN BE DAMNED
 OR DAMNED BE LYMAN

Governor Thomas E. Campbell and State Treasurer Harry s. Ross, rep resenting the state loan board, ar rived in St. Johns last Tuesday. Sec retary of State Nit Simms, the other member of the board, was unable to come on account of pressing business matters which demanded his atten- ton at the state capital.
 On Tuesday evening the visiting of- ficials were met. with in the academy by stockholders of the Lyman Water Co.,, including J. F. Church and A. M. Patten of Denver, Engineers Sellew and Levake and Auditor A. o. Ehr- hardt, ofNLyman dam, and also quite large number of citizens with no particular interest other than to meet the governor and state treasurer and hear what they had to say.
 Their story was tersely told by Governor Campbell, and it amounted to an ultimatum, final and irrevocable. The state, he said, would require gilt edge security and plenty of it before advancing more money to continue the work.
 It is unnecessary to go into details. lne udIn IS Tar ITOm DeinX HulSneu, and a discussion in which all hands participated established the belief that it will be necessary to stick on $15.00 more per share to do the job up in apple-pie order. The state demands a blanket mortgage on the land and also a mortgage on the entire irrigation system. The Denver men have sub mitted the proposition to their attor- ney in Denver and are awaiting his reply; but it is presumed that they will consent to the terms, as the local members of the company have decided to do.
 There seems no other way out. The state officers are right in playing safe and they can not make the terms any easier. There is nothing to do but accept them, unless everything is to stop where it is, and in that case there would be nothing ahead but fail ure and ruin. There can be no doubt as to the ultimate result. Under irri- gation the land will pay out in very few years. This the state loan board is certain of, otherwise they would not have taken a chance in the first place.-St Johns Observer.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF

A little son of a physician, together with friend was playing in his fathers office during the absence of the doctor when suddenly the young host threw open the closet and dis closed to the terrified gaze of his lit- tie friend an articulated skeleton.
 When the visitor had sufficiently re- covered from the shock to stand the announcement, the doctors son ex- plained that his father was extremely proud of that skeleton.
 "Is he?" asked the other. "Why?"
 "I don't know" was the reply, "may be it was his first patient"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
Ne,os of Soldiers and Sailors
BRAVE TUCSON BOY
 DIES TWICE; STILL LIVES

Officially, Rafael A. Martinez, pri- vate, Company H, Three Hundred and Fifty-third Infantry, is dead. He died in action in France, according to the official records of the United States army. He was brave chap. He had some time dying, for, according to the records he died twice, in two separate actions. And, according to the official communications received by his own mother, who lives at 449 South Main street, she is entitled to receive about $45, ,500 for his death. Twice the gov. ernment has informed her that she should fill out the insurance claim papers forwarded to her.
 And the, government can not under stand why she did not obey orders and receive the support of the gov .ernment. Mrs. Martinez is not at all wealthy; she could use the money to great advantage in these days of the H. c. of L.; but, when the said Rafael A. Martinez, her said alleged dead son insists on eating big breakfast every morning, under her roof, then a good supper, and is drawing a salary from the Eagle Milling Co.,, and has assured her several times that, irrespective of the great United States army reports, that he is much alive and unharmed- she just naturally has her doubts.
 It was not until after Rafael re- turned from France, and resumed his work at the Eagle Milling Co.,, that his mother was informed that he was officially dead. She told the govern ment that it was mistaken. The big problem now is whether they shall forego the argument and take the oath. After all it is not every sol dier who can spend his own insurance.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
HOW HE GOT FEM

"How did you get so many wounds? ?" I asked the corporal in the bathhouse, seeing his body covered with scars. Accidental discharge of duties?"
 "Naw, you see it was this way: I was standing on the edge of our own trench, leanin' up against our bar rage, when they lifted the barrage and I fell into the trench"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
THE CALL OF THE WILD

"Ah, Sister Smallways," began the Rev. o. Goode Evans, who was making a pastoral visit, "when spring comes don't you know 1 fancy we all hear the call of the wild, and"
 Thunder and guns," howled an ag- onized voice from three rooms beyond, Great Godrey's cordial, Ethel, come quick"
 Mercy! What was that?" asked the clergyman.
 "The call of the wild," replied the housewife. "My husband is taking down a stove."
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
BOOZE LAWS OF SONORA
 BEING MADE PERFECT

But one thing stands between the state of Sonora and the open saloon so ardently wished for by majority of the people of that state. From re- liable sources it was learned that as soon as the state government has des- ignated repository through which all liquor stocks must be received by the saloon men doing business in the state and named the man to head this bu- reau, the saloons may open.
 The idea of the central repository for wines, beers, cider and champagne which will be sold, is that the state must be sure of receiving it's tax on every gill of beverage sold, hence it must have way to check up the saloons.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
SOME ONE HAS, BEEN
 LOADING TUCSON EDITOR

One has to be familiar with the rivalry existing between Flagstaff and Williams, the two principal towns of Coconino county, to understand the rumpus which has been raised over royal party was handled there by Superintendent Peters, of the Grand Canyon National Park.
 Several months ago the canyon was turned over to the public park serv- ice by the forest service. w. R. Ashurst, brother of the senator, was slated for appointment as superin- tendent; but there was some hitch in the matter, and Peters has been in charge.
 Now it seems that MT. Peters took his duties of guarding royalty most seriously. He first disarmed all the people living at the canyon lest some Hun take shot at the king. Then he roped off the railroad yards and hotel grounds and attempted to make their visit there most exclusive.
 Before the special carrying the royal party reached the canyon, the reception committee from Flagstaff arrived. The Coconino county board of supervisors had also taken it's duties seriously and invited a num- Der of notables to meet the king and queen. But Superintendent Peters re- fused to allow the official party from Flagstaff to go behind the ropes. He insisted that they remain with the common herd.
 In the meantime, Governor Camp bell and his party arrived at Williams and, finding that the regular train for the canyon was late and would reach there after the royal train, a repre- sentative of the railroad at Williams dug up coach, put the gubernatorial party aboard as well as the reception committee from Williams and attach ed the coach to the royal train. The hour was a. m., and there was no official about to object.
 The special reached the canyon shortly before 9 o'clock. The royal party alighted while the official party from Flagstaff looked on, behind the ropes. Imagine their surprise when they saw alight from the train not only the governor and his party, but the reception committee from the town of Williams, who mingled with the royalties and went through the formal -introductions.
 And all the while Superintendent Peters kept the Flagstaff bunch out side the ropes.
 That night the telegraph operator at Flagstaff worked overtime, for re- port has it that 300 telegrams went in from Flagstaff demanding the re- moval of Superintendent Peters. We think ourselves that the good people of Flagstaff are entitled to his scalp for the shabby treatment they re- ceived-especially when Williams put it over them so bad.
 If MT. Peters is on par with other superintendents in the national park service, he will soon have the entire Grand Canyon roped of with red tape-Tucson Citizen
 This is the first time this peculiar angle of the notorious Peters case has come to light, and it would seem that some kind friend has been loading the versatile Tucson editor. The general verdict on the part of the people, in- cluding those living at the canyon, was directed at Superintendent Peters despite any attempt to start up any old fuss" between Flagstaff and Will Hams. Any more in the "Woodpile 2"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
A SAD CASE

An untraveled countryman once treated himself to trip to London. There for the first time in his life he saw a school girl go through her gym- nastic exercises for the amusement of the little ones with, whom she was playing. After gazing at her with looks of interest and compassion for some time, he asked a boy nearby if she had fits.
 "No," replied the boy, "them's gym nastics."
 "Ah, how sad!" said the man. "How longs she had 'em?"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
LOST FLESH

"Well,- Brown, how i'll you look! What is the matter?"
 "Oh, nothing much; losing weight that's all. Lost a hundred and thirty pounds in one day"
 "Impossible!"
 "Fact, I assure you. My wife eloped with my next door neighbor. '
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
CAN'T BE DONE

A negro who had an injured head entered a doctors office.
 Hello, Sam! Got cut again, see."
 "Yes, sah. 1 done got carved up with razor, Doc"
 "Why don't you keep out of bad company" asked the doctor after he had dressed the wound.
 "'Deed I'd like to, Doc! But ain't got huff money to git a di- vorce."
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
A DOGS LIFE

Rivers had come home and was stumbling over things in the dark hallway.
 "What are you growing about, my dear?" called Mrs. Rivers from the floor above.
 q am growling," he answered, in his deepest bass voice, "to drown the barking of my shins.' '
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
IN FOR BUSINESS

Mother: q think MT. Shyboy will propose to Madge tonight"
 Father: Why"
 Mother: Didn't you notice how de- termined she looked as she went into the parlor?"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
THE KEEPSAKE

A Red Cross visitor was making his rounds of the soldier patients in an army reconstruction hospital, when a colored soldier greeted him with:
 "Say, boss, what is they keepin' me here in this hospital fora souvenir?"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
HELP FOR THE ARMENIANs

Britain" says report, "has asked the United States to send an army of two hundred thousand men to Armenia to protect the Christian inhabitants. J
 While unable to comply with the request, President Wilson has intimat- ed that any Armenians who succeed in escaping will receive sympathetic hearing from the Senate Foreign Re- lations Committee.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
THAT HOBBLE EFFECT

"My dressmaker assured me that. l had the latest thing. But those ladies have skirts much tighter than mine" !"
 "Your lorgnette might enable your beautiful eyes to see better"
 "Eh?"
 "They are lining up for the sack race"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
JUSTIFIABLE

Great Britain has raised the salary of her ambassador to Washington, knowing that now and then he may have to take luncheon at Washing ton hotel.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
REASONING FOR KITTENS

Little Edwards twin sisters were being christened. All went we'll until Edward saw the water in the font. Then he anxiously turned to his mother and exclaimed:
 "Ma, which one are you going to keep?"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
THE HOGS OF WAR

"The dogs of war are chained" said
 Mears,
 And we all hope he's right; But the hogs of war, the profiteers- We still have those to fight.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
He Would Understand

He Would Understand
 The fire-eating colonel had received letter which consumed him with rage, but this was his noble reply:
 "Sir: My stenographer, being q lady, can not transcribe what l think of you. I, being gentleman, can not think it. But you, being neither, will understand what I mean"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

"What is missing in Ireland? ?" asks contemporary. Speaking generally, the accused.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
PROPER HELP

Wife: "John, there's a burglar at the silver and another in the pantry, eating my pies. Get up and call for helpw
 Hubby Cat windowl: Police! Doc torw
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
Junked His Outfit

Junked His Outfit
 We know major in the Shiny Desk Brigade in Washington who wants to trade one pair of $50 boots, one pair of $10 spurs and four service stripes (silver) for a pair of overalls. He's been mustered out, and has to go back to laying bricks.
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
His Strongest Point

His Strongest Point
 The handsome corporal was on the carpet for being A. w. 0. L. with a skirt "Women are a weakness with you, aren't they?" asked the captain.
 "No, sir" replied the corporal, "they are my strongest point"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07

He Knew
 Private" said the skipper to the buck who was always in hot water, whats your idea of discipline, any howl"
 Sir" said the, buck, T'm against all of it."
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
NO BREACH OF LAW

Serving stewed prunes," the Car uthers Democrat assures us, Ifs not a violation of the bone-dry law"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
MISERABLE

Kitty: "Jack was miserable when he kissed me goodbye at the station" !" Catty: "He needn't have been. He didn't have to kiss you"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
FROM THE STARS AND STRIPES
He Felt Shop-Worn

He Felt Shop Worn
 Say, boss" appealed dusky doughboy, convalescent in a recupera- ton hospital, when sawbones came his way, "what you reckon yo' keepir' me heah fora souvenir"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
DEAD SINCE JULY FIRST

Teacher: Johnny, give me sen- tence from dead language"
 Johnny: "What are you going to have 2"
The Coconino sun., 1919-11-07
EXCEPT FALL STYLES OF HATS

Anyhow, the bald man hasn't much overhead expense.