The Washington times., 1919-02-12
'TWOBBSTHREE.
.~BUGS" BAER'

Chicago boxers will toss off d
matinee for Chi Aldermen. If the
politicians dope that fighting isn't
brutal they will legalize it. Wow,
said the fox. The lads will probably
be wheeled up to the ring in polka
dotted Morris chairs and escape
from their chaperons long enough to
tap each others skulls gently like a
barkeep ringing up the last sale on
the old cash register next July. Then
they will kiss and make up.
They will only need one chair in
the ring between rounds, as one sapp
can sit in the other cuckoo's lap.
II one soft boiled bird suddenly .e-
members that he is in Chicago where
one shave dulls four fazoTs and hauls
off and slams the other fish for a
row Of Tasmanian milestones, the al
dermen will undoubtedly give boxing
the thumbs south sign.
The politicians can turn the nld
brew into Bevo. But they can't turn
a punch on the nose into a cluster Of
Hlies-Of-the-valIey. Ever since Cain
got chubby with Abel, a cloUt on the
beezer has been the accepted method
Of counting votes wherever siX-ounce
English is spoken or German pro-
hibited.
If the only way Of IegaIizing boxing
in Chicago is by putting on an eXhibi-
ton that amt worth legalizing, then
We don't blame Columbus sailors ior
wanting to turn back.
Wellington chirped that the Scuffle
Of Waterloo was won on the cricket
fields Of England. II was in before t
started. And Uncle Sam had Berlin
in his pocket because every bird who
hit the Rhine hit il with both mitts.
What Chicago bug wants to drag him
self away from some of his taxable in
come for the privilege OF watching
two grappers make enough motions to
knit 4 pair OF soX without slapping
each other hard enough TO crash a
dimple in a pound Of oleomargarine?
When the troop trains skedaddled
through Arkansaw on their way North
from the Mexican border a few stan
zas ago, a tall hick lOitered around
he only station in Arkansaw where
he trains stopped. This seed wJs 50
thin that he only had room for one
shoulder blade. He was so tall that
mis- Adams apple looked like a spar
Z
the boys to black bottle at three but
tons q quart and told 'em not to open
.hs glue pot until the train escaped
from ArkanSaw. The boys smIggled
the Joy powders into the next Stale
and when they unlocked the bottles
th,- discovered they were buy ing the
Arkansaw river at three berries a
gurEle.
Something like boxing. II we
smuggle that stuff hack into power
aEain ard then discover that 1t amt
cot any more kick than river water
ia" biscuits are going TO be burned.
Anything they charge 10 see one
Of those tap-tappcr boxing exhibit
tions is too much. The bugs don't
want TO see two sCrappers fight.
They want TO hear 'em battle. When
= bird gets a paddle on the chinpicCc
that sounds like a ripe pumpkin be-
img TuassaCcd with n bed slat, they
stand on their fve-dollar seats and
" UOf like walTuscs at lunch time.
When tho boys are sIappirE each
Cthcr's ribs and putting lill" a mule
trying TO do Il locomotives work.
that's tho time when III" fI%lt bug
ro.gCts the income tax and prohibi-
ton.
We wouldn't give Iic pIl'' OF inc
Kind Of presents that second cousins
give each other at Christmas time 10
see the other kind of boxing. And
you know that amt much.
If Chicago aldermen refuse TO
legalize anything but the eight-ounce
tap style of boxing. they ought to
wear eight-ounce gloves on their
heads.
They're liable TO put their soft hats
on too suddenly some day and knock |
emselves out.