The Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 191?-19??, 1919-06-25

CLUB MEETS
President Mckee Tardy Find. Hi.
Chair Occupied By An Inno-
cent Rystander.
MUCH oRAroRY WAS ON TAP
Session Brought To Close By .
Treatened Alteration Over
Question Of Politsne,..
-
W

W sja
Col. Lem Mckee came leisurely in
to the meeting room at 1916 O'Clock
Saturday night and was surprised to
find Col. Henry Abernathy in the
chair and Col. John Hooe making a
speech.
Interrupting the orator for a mo-
ment, Col. Abernathy said:
Col Mckee you will be unable
to preside as president tonight, as
you are just sixteen minutes behind
the times. Unless you oil your ma
chinery and accelerate your move
ments, ] doubt if this club will ever
bother with you again, as its presid-
ing officer. You are too slow to
catch cold. You have probab-
ly not learned that people are now
crossing the Atlantic ocean in six
teen hours and the country is run
ming an hour ahead Of sun time. You
cant come anabling into twelve
o'clock. meeting at 1915 and expect
to find things waiting on you to
strike oil. At 12 o'clock this meet
ing was called to order and / was
taken, like Cincinnatus from his plow
and elevated to this position and !
don't know whether ! will give it up
or not. / shall certainly not do so
tonight. Be seated, Col. Mckee.
Proceed with your remarks, Col.
Hooe."
Col. Hooe said he had forgotten
what he had started out to say and
sat down.
Col. A. l.. Berry, Col. Walter Kel-
ly, Col John B. Trice, Col. L. E.
Adwell and Col. Geo. Gary all clam
ored to get the floor. Finally Col.
Gary was recognized and said:
II notice that bald heads are very
much in evidence in the Peace Con-,
ference now dealing with war prob
lens. Practically every nation seems
to have recognized the superior wis .
dom of clear-headed men. One of
the papers not long ago had Sun
day magazine containing pictures of
72 of the 73 delegates and 27 of
them are baldheaded. This count is
based on front views only, with one
wearing cap and an oriental with
bis head wrapped up in turban. If
we could look for spots like those
worn by such, baldheaded men as
Col. Billy Wicks, Col Harry Brown,
Col. ]. H. Pyle and others the list
might be much longer. Often we
find bald heads behind camoufaged
foretops and we can almost assume
that majority of the delegates, gath
cred from all parts of the earth, are
economical or even abstemious in the
use of hair. We must also take into
account that fully one half of the
delegates are young men who will
become bald as they grow in wisdom.
We may, therefore, conclude that the
League of Nations, said to be the
'rainiest body ever assembled on
earth, is body of baldheaded men"
Col. Bob Woodbridge said he had
,een looking up the humcrists and
inds that Mark Twain was about the
'nly really funny man who wore hair.
Bill Nye for instance, wore none at
IL except an invisible lambrequin
ust above his back collar-button.
Jol. Ira Smith, our own poet humor-
st, has no use for hair. Irwin Cobb,
he most conspicuous humorist of the
ay, in any crowd, has what is called
rapidly receding brow. 1t seems
o be the natural thing for an active
rain to destroy the roots Of the veg
tation on the outside of the seat of
eason."
Col. Bill Howell, who is an agri-
ulturist when not an ambassador to
ONE political camp or a missionary
0 some benighted territory like
,ouisville, when people need help in
laling up their minds how to vote,
aid the human head was pretty much I
Ike q sweet potato hill. Whenever q
i'll is covered by a rank growth Of