davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Threadbare Holdup Gag
"What's the Tme?"
Failed on This Man

What undoubtedly was an intend
ed hold-up was foiled Wednesday
night in the following manner:
A citizen was proceeding home at
about a. M. and had reached
Dodge and Eighteenth streets. Hav-
ing crossed Dodge street going
north he stepped on the curb on the
other side, when young man who
had his hat pulled down menacingly
over his eyes, and held his right
hand ominously in his overcoat poe
ket, stepped from behind the tele-
graph pole directly in front of him.
and blocking the way.
What time is it, mister?' he de-
manded.
The citizen says that he was so
desperately in need of the $3.50 he
had IN his inside pocket that he
found the nerve to reply:
odd man, | haven't got a watch,
nor a fve-cent piece on me. If you
don't believe it you can go through
my POCKETS" Y
Rats" said the hoId-up, and
turning away walked down Dodge
street. The fact that the postoffice
clock was in plain sight was mat
ter of reflection to the citizen as he
fastened home and planted the
twenty-seven fifty in certain safe
place.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
'ETo the Rear, March,"
A Difficult Maneuver
For Omaha Policemen

1t took Policeman Farmer, the
gentleman of the force, and Cupid"
Crawford. another blue-coat, to DEM
onstrate the military extortions OF
"right-about, face" and "eyes, click"
to gang of their fellow beaters
t'other day at the Ak-Sar- Ben den,
where police captains, sergeants,
dicks and the heaters" drill, CAB.
shot craps and gain other intelli-
gence
With Sergeant Wheeler, the ex-
.eatherneck, in command, Farmer
and Crawford went through the
demonstration like clockwork until
they heard the commands: ITO the
rear march"
Farmer is, bout two feet six inches
taller than Cupid hence chance
for argument In the demonstra-
ton. Cupid was caught somewhere,
that's all. ....
Farmer couldn't find his side kick.
He did the rear step in perfect time
and skidded completely over Cupid
who became lost in the wrangle
The gang guffawed and hooted, then
started a search for the missing
Shorty. He was found by Sergean,
Wheeler caught i'll the heels OF
Farmers shoes or thereabouts.
Drill was continued next day.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Two Jealous Young
Nemeses Owe Their
Lives to the Birds

AS couple of hunters Jack Will
cox and Forrest Bronson, both cx-
listing in Council Bluffs, would make
fine pair of watchmakers.
The best part of it is. they admit
their inability as sharpshooters and
also acknowledge the fact that at
times they are unable to stand the
"backhre' and ''recoil" of their guns.
Only last week both of them went
to Lake Manawa with truck to
bring back all the ducks they we're
going to shoot.
Their hunting trip started about
2 a, m. and naturally they were not
overjoyful with an abundance of
sleep.
A boat was secured at the lake and
they set out to "slay" the birds.
Crouching low in the boat to avoid
being observed by the many fowls.
the hunters" soon fell fast asleep
and, thanks to-a duck or something
that flew over them with consider
able noise, they were saved from
drowning.
The boat had small leak and by
6 a. m. that morning, after three
hours in the water, it was almost
full of water and both the young
fellows are still singing praises to
the birds of the air.
1t is rumored they are intending
to sell their guns.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors

We beg to present, ladies, Edward
Malone. better known as ed"
A bachelor he is around the ripe
. bachelor age of 40.
A big business man and live
base bali fan is "Edp
Base ball! Say, he'd rather be Ty
Cobb or Babe Ruth than president
Of Mexico any day.
lie started out to be big league
player himself He played on many
an amateur team around the sand
lots of Omaha. Always he kept
one eye on the grandstand to see
whether some scout for the big
league teams wasn't watching his.
work. But, though Ed did good
work in the great American pastime,
neither Muggsy McGraw nor Connie
Mack nor any of the other big
league guys sent for him.
Nickname Is Smoke"
So "Smoke that's his nickname
turned his talents to department
stores, where, it soon became ap-
parent, they belonged, for his rise
has been rapid and made with big
strides.
He entered the office of Hayden
Bros. first and worked up rapidly
TO lofty position. Then the Bran
deis stores grabbed him and made
him credit man. And just few
weeks ago he had his pitcher" in
TIL papers when he was made treas
urer Of all the Brandeis interests.
Hes hard worker. But when
he isn't working hard he plays
hard. -.
He is one of the best little rooters
the Omaha ball team has. And he
has gone as far as New York and
Philadelphia to see worlds series"
games. Dear Lardner: Please
pardon.)
He's some little dancer, too. The
Field club crowd and the Athletic
club bunch are familiar with his
terpsichorean perfection.
He's rather a dignihed gentleman,
is Ed, but not at all opposed to
the ladies. In fact, quite otherwise.
Listen to Dan Butler.
He's been going with a girl for
10 or II years." Dan Butler told
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Echoes From the Morgue"
or "Superstitious Reporters"
A Murder Victim Is Satisfactory Company for "News
Hounds But the Ghost Walks When Attempt Is
Made to Light Three Cgarets From Match

Keeping silent watch over the
body Of the Mystery Girl, who was
found murdered in a gully near Cal
houn, Neb., several weeks ago and
whose identity has never been es-
tablished, three Omaha newspaper
men and the undertaken awaited the
witching hour of midnight.
Nerved to high pitch from their
unceasing efforts to discover who
the unfortunate victim of the foul
murder might be in diligently fol-
lowing all clues and half-sure identi-
flcatipns, which had been promul-
gated for the poor body, the re-
porters sat with their own thoughts,
words seeming useless, on the night
before the sad burial of the victim
of probably tie greatest murder
mystery of the middle west.
IN m-m-m-m," sighed one of the
followers of Marse Henry. Have
another cigaret?'
Each reached for the little nerve
soothers and nonchalantly tamped
down the tobacco into its white
shroud, tapping the cigaret on his
finger nail in true Sherlock Holmes
fashion.
S-s-s-c-r-a-t-c-h, and the Pickering
fame of a war quality" safety
match Illuminated the gloomy scene
in the morgue.
Have a light"quefied the donor
Of the dopesticks.
And he held the tiny flame to the
tip of the cigaret dropping listlessly
from the corner of the mouth Of an
other newspaper man.
"M-fanks," mumbled the recipient.
Here" groaned the original
spokesman as he moved the waver-
ing torchlet toward the cigaret of a
second newspaper man.
"M-huh." grumblcd he, thankfully,
as he silently drew the invigorating
smoke deep into his lungs.
Crash! Bang! Vow!
The quartet scrambled to their
feet, nerved to face any catastrophe
or crisis.
The kind philanthropist of the
cigarets picked himself up from the
floor and laughingly brushed off his
clothes.
What the -" he snapped at
his comrade in arms, who, in fit
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Railway Express to
Protect Animals in
Transit, Says Society

A recent report of the animal
rescue division of the Humane soci-
ETY. shows that 1913 complaints we're
investigated and that 228 animals
were involved. The animals were:
Dogs, 12o; horses, 81; cats, "a; mis-
cellaneous, Is.
This department of the Humane
society has been assured by rail-
way express officials that co-opera-
ton will be extended in protecting
animals in transit from overlooking
and the evils of improper boxes and
crates.
c. E. McClain, superintendent of
the city pound, states that he has
% dogs which may be taken upon
payment of a nominal pound fee
and by obtaining city dog licenses.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
a6pmEbl$ aR&2aRm1zzzin9s

have only two baths a week instead
of three as usual.
81 am doing my part to help save
coal in this crisis she said II dare
say, Tootsie won't like it, but we
will save coal by using that much
less hot water
Mrs. Cal l. Coe, wife of the great
merchant, is taking drastic steps to
save coal at the Coe mansion.
Il have ordered the servants to
turn the heat off in the room of the
garage where our two summer cars
are stored. We must al! do our
part in the present crisis" she said.
The splendid home of Water Ed
Stock. the street railway magnate
is in darkness these evenings. In
the>large drawing room of the Stock
mansion, for instance, there are five
floor lamps each with four incandes-
cent lights.
Until the strike is over we shall
burn only three of the incandescent
globes in each lamp" said Mrs.
Stock. ''We shall make this sacri-
flee without complaint. These are
times when ones personal comfort
should not be thought of-too
much"
So goes the story OF sacrifice by
the society folks. At the home Of
August Zitz, the millionaire pretzel
baker, Mrs. Zitz with her own hands
TODAY set the automatic neat regu-
lator for 81 degrees instead of 81
degrees as it had been.
I'VE may suffer- she said. But
l consider it our patriotic duty at
this time to save just like common
people. You have my picture at
your office, | think"
Mr.. and Mrs. Nutting But Money
left yesterday for their home in
California.
1--WE are doing this as a patriotic
duty" said Mr.. Money as he chatted
with a reporter in the drawing room
of the Pullman car just before the
train left. Usually we don't leave
Omaha for California until after
Christmas. But by leaving now we
will save coal that poorer people can
use here in Omaha.
1--WE do not complain at this hard
ship" added the great picket mag
nate with calm resignation. we
are doing our part cheerfully and
only trust that others will do as
much
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
BY EDWARD BLACK.

i've found itr exclaimed Henry
Lefingwell, when he returned to his
wagwam, after having contributed
his daily quota to the cause Of pro-
duction.
Mrs. Lefingwell was putting the
finishing touches on the evening
meal when her commandant pro-
claimed his presence with terse
announcement of discovery. He re-
minded. his wife of the figure Of
Excelsior, carrying a banner up the
Alps, or Pixies Peak, or wherever it
was that Excelsior assembled. The
feminine electorate of the house
hold had gone through another of
those-days that are just one thing
after another, sort of double
header, is the base ball fans would
say.
Whatever That Is.
Mrs. Whats-Her- Name called dur
ing the afternoon to make it known
beyond reasonable doubt that she
had enjoyed good cry and was
feeling like a new woman on &C
count of her lachrymal lapse. The
caller also brought some sensational
neighborhood gossip. being a report
that Mrs. So-And-So was seen
chewing gum at funeral and that
the gun had been given to her by a
man to whose wife she had not
spoken since they quarreled over
whether the chicken or the egg was
first in the beginnings of things, and
she also stated that Mrs. So-And-So
had to take her husband with her
every time she went to buy new
hat or a pair of shoes. Aside from
that. she believed that Mrs. So-And-
So was nice woman, because she al
ways had her dues when she attend
ed the monthly missionary meeting.
All of which is incidental. and ac-
cidental, and leads up to- the scene
Of Lefingwell standing inside of his
kitchen threshold, vouchsafing the
information that he had found some
thing and was ready to impart re-
port of the same to the ears of his
family.
Yes. He's Found 1t.
eyes, l have found it." repeated
Leffingwell, with an air of paternal
authority.
Mrs. Leffingwcll wanted to say,
We'll, you poor fish, tell us what
you have found, because I don't be-
lieve that anything you have found
will cause any riot in this habitat"
What she did say, however, was:
THE Leffingwell family is just dying
to hear the details OF your discovery.
Please don't prolong the suspense
more than is necessary"
~ have found the panacea for
most of our ills and worries and
vexations, and it is simply the art
of keeping sweet; l mean keeping a
sweet disposition, keeping calm amid
the trails and tribulations of the
day." LeffingWell continued, while
every Lefihgwell ear was like lis
tening post.
Mrs. Leffingwell wanted to throw
something at her lord chamberlain,
but she merely threw quizzical
glance and restrained the impulse
to short-circuit the current of Lef-
fngwelPs thought.
He's just Human.
THE trouble with most OF us is
that we are given to being cynical
or blaze; that we hv off of the
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Coal Hoarder Found
Guarding Supply In
Office Of Committee

Coal boarding. carried on under
the very noses of the watchful ter
mnal fuel committee, was discov-
cred yesterday. The offender was
F. L. Byford, car tracer in the ter
minal Office Of the railroad admin
istration.
Mr.. Byford was discovered by an
associate, who noticed him jealous
ly guarding an innocent-appearing
cigar box. He carried the box I'M
der his arm whenever possible and
never let it get out of his sight, &C
cording to several witnesses.
At last the box was seized. and
without a search warrant opened.
Embedded in the midst of white It's
sue paper a glitterisg lump of coal
OF at least six karats was found.
Mr.. Byford asserted that he had
come by the coal honestly" but de-
clined to state whether he had made
application to the committee to OBJ
tain IL
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07

Xhesc quiet evenings at home re-
mind me of that old poem which
goes something like this, Nowhere
to go, but out, nowhere to come but
in, nothing to see but sights" re-
marked the Careful Observer to his
pioneer friend, the Oldest Inhabi-
tant, the other evening after the
twain had checked how much they
had been set back last summer for
ice.
Having more time than coal on
their hands. they decided to beguile
the time by enjoying an evening
with the poets, so the Careful OBJ
server brought out an old scrap
book of selected poems and pro-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07

of fear, had showed him ruthlcssly
from his stool.
Three can't light on the same
match with me-" shouted his assaii-
ant, who had attempted to put out
the match as the kind philanthropist
started to light his own e"
And especially under such en-
trancing circumstances"
You're not superstition" laughed
the undertaken. why, there's no
reason for fearing anything here.
I've spent many, night alongside
more gruesome corpses than this"
and he wandered jauntily into the
front office. .."a.
But the third cigaret was lighted
from separate match.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
ExTRA!!
MOVING PICTURES TO Be
SHOWN BY BUNDLE BEE
Great Features Tonight. Full In
structions As to How to
Find the Place.

Realizing the great vacancy that
has been made in the brains of the
people OF Omaha by the closing of
the moving picture houses, The
Bundle Bee has arranged directly
with the Washington authorities
and over the heads of the local coal
administration to show movies"
every night, beginning tonight!
, Yes, it's truly wonderful
The place where the pictures will
be shown is to be kept secret in
order that the authorities may not
interfere. However. anyone wishing
to attend the show tonight and sub
sequent nights may easily learn
where the exhibitions are to be held.
A Knock-Ou Program.
Starting tonight, The Bundle Bee
will show the great feature film,
Alice. tile Beautiful Boilermaker,"
in eight parts, with .Peevily Pain
taking the title part and Jack Demp-
sey depicting the part of the invalid
minister.
Beginning Thursday, the offering
will be Nothing" with the invisible
players (Which made such hit at
the Strand last week.)
Next Sunday The Choir lnvisi-
ble." with X. Ray. Also the button
busting comedy, "Hairpins and
Hairnets.'
A strictly high-class program will
be offered every night.
While the place of showing these
movies cannot be published those
who wish to attend, as thousands
will, can easily find out the location.
How to Get There.
Simply go to Forty-seccnd street
and Grand avenue tonight at 7
o'clock and wait there until a tall
man wearing agreen suit with yell
low trimmings appears. Then turn
handspring. This will be the secret
signal bv which he will recognize
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Leffingwell Discovers the
Panacea to Peace and Plenty
AS Usual, He's Got Some Great Ideas, But the Mssus
Soon Tells Him Where He Belongs and What She
Thinks of Things in General.

handle at the least provocation and
thereby upet things in general" he
went on In his philosophic philan-
derings. There is a dearth of the
milk OF human kindnesy We don't
take time to say Thank you or If
you please, as often as we should.
We just take things for granted and
let it 60 at that"
Say, pa, how can we keep sweet
with the present price of sugar.
Willie asked, impertinently.
Mrs. Lefingwell dropped pan of
corn bread in her modification over
the lese majeste of her son.
Henry Lefingwell" she COM
handed, you need stabilizer. You
are wobbly. l don't doubt the truth
of your words. but | do doubt that
you speak from experience"
"You mean that pa doesn't speak
by the card, don't you" interposed
Willie.
A Shining Example.
81 want you to give a little DEM
onstration of keeping sweet" Mrs.
Lefingwell added. "Tf / ask you 10
fix the furnace chains you are as
angry asa wet hen, instead of dis
playing a sweet disposition and set
ting an example for the neighbor-
hood. When | asked you to see
what was the matter with the drain
pipe you replied that you didn't
carry card of the plumbers union
and you told me that | should have
married plumber"
Il told you pa didn't speak by the
card" Willie chirped again.
Well" replied Lef1ingwell, may
be have been remiss, but am go
ing to keep sweet hereafter, even If
my corns hurt or if the drain pipe
becomes clogged.'
We'll, you come to your dinner,
now, Henry Leffing'well, and let us
see by actions rather than by words
that you are the apostle of aniable-
ness" Mrs. Lefhngwell replied, as
she passed the steaming sparcribs
and kraut.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
We'll, There S Been a
Little Change, But
Not So Much, AT That
1899

Cy Splivens pulled up in front of
the court house In his one-hoss
shay. He jerked a long robe from
under the back seat and draped over
the boss. He took chain from the
same place and secured Old Dobbin
to post Then he went away. In
a few minutes later he returned with
a bucket of water and a bag of oats
for the motive power Of his vehicle.
1919
William A. Smith, prominent au-
tomobile manufacturer, pulled up in
front of the court house with his
new l2-cylinder racer. He drew a
robe from under the seat and draped
it over the radiator of his car. He
took a chain from the same place
and connecting the front axle and a
wheel lie secured the bond with a
lock. Then he went away. A few
minutes later he returned with a
bucket of water and can of gas
oline. for the motive power Of his
vehicle.
Ho, hum. Things amt so differ
ent after all.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07

Crooks are mostly opportunists.
Look up the police records for
the result.
TRY Hayden's First slogan is a
clever advertising motto. 1t brought
the business. 1t also brought the
crooks, if the two burglars who en-
tered the Hayden store were cor
rectly quoted.
Gentlemen burglars can't be
blamed for trying to get warm by
entering houses. That's what we're
all trying to do-get warm, not enter
houses.
Coal boarding in these strenuous
times should be dealt with severely.
A year for each lump of coal would
be lenient-what think you, judges?
An Awful Crime.
Cigaret and cigar abootlegging"
is getting to be pastime since the
coal committee took charge of
things. Gus Heyers should organ
ize new squad to snatch off the
Ssps who try to buy cigars after 5
O'Clock.
Checkers is becoming a popular
sport since the theaters and dances
closed. The old gray-whiskered
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Police Auctioneer Has
Fear Of Pursuit From
Victim Suffering D. T.

Though Charlie Van Dcusen, the
Goliath of the Omaha detective
force, is not in collision with crooks.
automobile thieves, bomb throwers
or other bolsheviki without whisk-
ers, he certainly is known by the
farmers in nearly every state in the
union.
Charles some auctioneer, the
farmers say. He sells bowie knives,
guns, revolver shells, bicycles, 60
carts and other conhscated, articles
every year. the funds to go to the
Police association.
Recently Charlie received the fol-
lowing letter, which he says he is
unable to answer as he cannot write
Croatian.
Charlie: wen do you have an
auction at Headquarters is there any
Harness down there would appreci-
ate grately to here wen next police
auction comes off for | would like
to be there or be represented
Thanks. D.----T.-."
Charlie tried to read the letter.
the remarked: I'll bet he had the
DIT
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
Strenuous days, these!

Strenuous days, these!
Coal shortages, bandits, robbers,
gentleman burglars aud landlords
have all combined to give us merry
old time
Now that Carlisle and Villa have
been captured, what're we goin' to
do with them. Put EN- to work
mining coal?
Carlisle is almost too versatile for
that, though. If he'd just studied
the methods of Omaha landlords he
might not have been captured. A
short course in How to Hold Them
Up and Get Away With It," as
taught by Omaha rent grabbers,
would have made him immune from
special agents.
Safer Than Greenland.
Then again, if he really wanted
TO avoid being captured he should
have come to Omaha. He'd have
been perfectly safe here, unless he
happened to have a few drops of
contraband liquor concealed on his
person.
Omaha is city of opportunity.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07

you. Then say to him: "Billhart,
Marypick norma talm.'
If he is the right man he will
reply; Anita Stew, Hayakawa."
If he IS not the right man he will
make no response In that event,
wait until another man appears and
then do it over again.
But if he's the right man he will
hand YOU a slip of paper. Take this
to a drug store and purchase half a
pint of whisky. Dip the slip of paper
in it and the writing will come out
and give you further instructions
how to proceed in finding where The
Bundle Bees great emergency NOV
ing picture show will be held.
Come early and avoid the rush.
A Strenuous Preacher.
whispering Breezes Correspondence in
Erickson Journal.)
A missionary is with US this
week; being without a minister
for some time, it is a pleasure
to have one here. He surely
must beg a busy man too. Be-
sides preaching at the Cutler
and Sanford school houses, he
has time to help dig potatoes.
TRY HAYDEN'S FIRST"
Those yeggmen, last Saturday
night, evidently needed a certain
famous business slogan.
CRITICS OF 1889.
("Thirty Years, Ago in OMAHA
Had it not been for such clev-
err comedians as Messrs. Bryan
and Quinlan, the performance
of keep 1t Dark" without
doubht the stupidest farce writ
ten, now showing at the Boyd,
would have been a terrible bore
ar, tho f,ir1,, LARGE audience
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07
RICH FOLKS MEET COAL
CRISIS WITH CALMNESS
Inspiring Story of Sacrifice and
Privation by Omahans of
The Better Class.

with abject apology to the VIII of
recent date)
Coal and light saving is the rule
in all important Omaha homes.
Mrs. Wood B. Somebody, wife OF
the great turnip magnate, has given
orders that her pet spaniel shall
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-07

us the other day. Dams bachelor
himself. But, anyway, that's the
info Dan slipped us aud you can
take it or leave it. We should worry.
He's cut out the society stuff some
lately and seems to be going in for
the home freside,' Dan added. A
good idea, Dan, specially during the
coal strike. ..
Eds" home and firseside is at
$50 North Forty-first street where
he lives with his two sisters and
brother. Bill. -