Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1919-02-07
copyright, 1917, by The Mcclure Newspaper
SYndicate)


French village of s., about ten
kilos from the front-line trench Num-
Der TwO's gun crew were sitting on the
ground in a circle around their ma
chine gun, while sergeant, newly
returned from a special course in ma"
chine gunnery at st. Omer, was eX-
pounding the theory of scientific ma
chine gunnery. He himself had never
actually been under fire with ma
chine gun, but from the theoretical
point he sure could throw out the
book stuff / must confess that his
flow of elOquence passed over my
head like a Zeppelin, and l noticed
an uneasy squirming among the rest
of our crew.
Happy HoughtOn, who was sitting
next to me, leaned over, and with his
eye on the sergeant, whispered in my
ear:
"Blime me, Yank, isn't it arful the
way he chucks his weight about?"
l agreed with Happy.
Across from me sat Ikey Honey,
with our mascot, Jim, in his lap.
Every now and then Jim would take
his hind leg and furiously scratch at
spot behind his ear. Honey, no.
ticing this action, would reach under
his armpit and also scratch.
Sailor Bill was intentiy watching
Jim and Honey; he, too. started
scratching.
In a minute or so Hungry FOxcrOft
started on a cootie hunt; and / had
an irresistible desire to lean back
against the barrel casing of the gun
and also scratch.
It is one of the chief indoor sports
on the western front, especially dur
ing a monotonous lecture by some Off
Ger or nOncom, for one of the fed-up
listeners to start scratching himself.
This generally causes the whole gang
to do the same, the instructor includ-
ed. 1t is just like a minister in the
midst of a very dry sermon suddenly
stopping, stretching himself, and yawn-
ing, this action causing the rest Of the
congregation to do likewise.
AS the whole circle scratched, our
sergeant instructor commenced to
shift his weight from one foot to the
other in an uneasy manner. We all
gazed at him intently and each began
to scratch furiously. Sure enough,
the sergeant gave in and started I'M
buttOning the front of his tunic to get
at some real or imaginary cOOtie. A
nudge went the rounds Of the circle.
We had accomplished our purpose.
The sergeant's mind took an awful
drop from the science of machine gun
merry to that of catching that particu-
lar cOotie.
We constantly glanced at our wrist
watches. Fifteen minutes more and
the lesson would be over The SER
geant was becoming confused, and was
trying to founder through the rest of
his talk. We had no mercy on him,
but kept up the scratching. At last,
in desperation, the sergeant said:
"You men have actually been under
fire with machine guns several times.
Can't one of you relate some incident
of how, through some ruse, you put it
over on the BOcheSW
key Honey, grasping this golden
opportunity to break up the lecture,
and slyly winking at us, started in
and told how certain guns crew To-
Gated and put out of action a German
machine gunner by playing tune on
their gun, which the German tried to
initiate, thereby indicating to them by
sound the exact location of the Ger
man gun, which was later put out of
action by concentrated machine gun
fire from their section.
Of course we all listened very in
tently, but it was an old story to us,
because we were the guns crew which
mad accomplished the feat that Hon
ney was describing; but anything was
better than listening to that sing-song
ironing of book knowledge which the
sergeant had been pumping into us
for the last hour and half.
The sergeant glanced at his watch
and dismissed us. We dismounted our
gun, put it in it's box ard stored It
away in our billet; then we reassem-
bled under an apple tree in the or
chard, and, while the rest of us in
dulged in. shirt hunt, Hungry went
after our ration of tea. Hungry was
sure on the job when it came to eat
ing. Pretty soon he returned with
dixie one-fOurth full of tea, two tins OF
jam, a loaf of bread, large piece of
cheese and tin of apricots which he
had bought at a nearby French es-
tarninet. He dished out our rations,
not forgetting a generous share for
himself. After we had finished, out
came the inevitable flags, a few puffs
from each man, and the ball of con-
yersation started rolling.
Curly Wallace cleared his throat and
started in with:
Remember that village we passed
through on our march up the line