New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1919-02-23

where near Rheims Cathedral, and not to
tear up any scraps of paper To my amaze
nent | heard nothing from him. Finally,
after being absent more than four years |
began to feel uneasy
knocking at the door. The Kaiser leaps
from chair and grabs revolver. Rosner
vanishes under the bed.)
KAISER-Who's there?
VOICE OUTS1DE-The doctor
.KAISER-Rosner, see who it isn't
(Rosner energies, shamefaced, and goes
TREMENDOUSLY to door. The Kaiser covers
the doorway with revolver. Enter doctor.)
KAlSER-Ah, doctor, all right! Don't be
embarrassed-1 thought it might be the
Grown Prince. puts away revolver).
DOCTOR (bows)-Very natural. The
heir doesn't agree with you?
KAISER Ha ha! Always in good humor,
doctor! Rosner, l shan't need you for a
while. (Rosner salutes and exits.)
DOCTOR-Well, how do you feel?
KAISER-I suffer a great deal from the
lack of sauting.
DOCTOR-You need a little tonic Per-
of times, the Kaiser eagerly returning it,
KAISER-Prachtvol! Doctor you always
do me good.
DOCTOR-Ah, I'm afraid I'm not very
good at that sort of thing. But you should
the guard of honor Graf Bentnck is
drilling. Their salute is a thing of beauty.
He has just been telling me about it, A
very delicate tribute of friendship to
you-
KAIsER-What do you mean? What
guard of honor?
DOCTOR-Why for the funeral.
KAISER (Surprsed) -What funeral?
DOCTOR-Graf Bentinck told me they
were expecting funeral
KAISER Teufelblitz! He never told me.
Is any one i'll?
DOCTOR-The Graf is having his private
cemetery renovated, he tells me. A new
mausoleum has been installed, the most
splendid thing of its kind. He says it will
make dying pleasure.
(Kaiser looks at himself in the mirror)
KAISER-As matter of fact never felt
better-I didn't know Bentinck was con-
noisseur in funerals.
DOCTOR-Oh, very much So He has taken
it up hobby. He and have collabo-
rated a bit along that line. But l never
saw him keen as he is now
KAISER-What an unpleasant hobby!
DOCTOR--He has very pretty taste for
scenic effect. don't know any man who
can lay out corpse to better advantage
You know he has had the chapel fitted up
Z; with footlights and limelights for lyings-
in-state--
KAISER-He did say something about
! lying-in, but l thought he meant having
babies
DOCTOR-If I were contemplating dying,
don't know where l would rather do it
than here. The Graf has a set of embroi-
dered shrouds that are really unique.
CIhe Kaiser seems grewsomely fascinated
by this talk He waves the doctor to a
! seat.)
DOCTOR-Has Bentinck told you about
the local undertaken?
KA1SER-No. Why should he?
DOCTOR with a shrug)-A positive
genius. I've known him to work over
cadaver for weeks, just to give it the right
touch. Poor fellow, his talent is almost
wasted here in this out of the way place.
he so rarely gets any material to work on
that is worthy of his art. But he seems
bit more cheerful lately
KAISER-Gott!
DOCTOR-When he has an opportunity to
let himself go, he does wonders | think
you are to be congratulated
kAlSER-What do you mean?
DOCTOR Feeling Kaser's pulse)-Ah.
we'll, fear this is idle talk Your pulse is
admirable A man of your physique might
live for years. You mustn't be inpatient
No chance of getting into uniform yeti
KA1SER-Getting into uniform?
DOCIOR-Didn't tell you? The under
taker has complete set of all the mpor-
tant uniforms. He them for clothing
corpses at military funerals. very re-
markable fellow. He understands the diq-
nifty Of death hope you'll meet him some
day
kAlSER-Really, doctor, this is strange
talk for sick mani
DOCTOR-Not at all am professionally
interested in these matters, | like tn see
my patients do themselves justice. onlv
wish we're socially acquainted with Count
Bentinck, so that l might enjoy his unusual
resources for mortuary pageantry. That
private cemetery of his-well, | envy YOU.
KAISER (sharply)-What for?
DOCTOR~Why, for having so good q
Trend! What pains he has taken to drill
his servants He tells me the footmen
have been trained to the pink Of perfection.
Every one of them knows just what to do
IN an emergency. Everything is ready.
The gun carriage, the charger, the reversed
riding boots, the dead march on the chapel
organ--every formality letter perfect. But
perhaps shouldn't have told you. Perhaps
it was to be a surprise
KAfSER--It Is!
DOCTOR-Thc only trouble is, Bentinck
says his men arc on the verge of being
l overturned. Al He fears that if they don't