davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
No LONGER A JOKE
Boys in Khaki Don't Like ISLAM
at MotFler-in-LaW :.
Aoe-old Standby of the Professional
Humorist Has Been Killed by the
War, and of Course There's
Z Reason.

The story is told from one of the
huge auditoriums of the ~ in . Car
Torment not far from one of the larg-
est cities. The crowd extended 70 the
doors and rows and rows of big husky,
cieal-eyed boys in olive drab sat crowd
ed together on the benches The next
day would find them en- route TO Ber-
lin, but that did not matter to them.
They were there To hear the big, bufy
man ON the stage who WAS responsible
for the shouts of laughter that blend
ing together in one great roar almost
lifted the roof.
One of the funniest comedians had
made the special trip to their camp
just to give them this opportunity.
There is nothing that the American
boy loves more than good joke. The
celebrated comedian was enjoying him
self as much as the boys as one after
another OF his stories got across
He saved the best one to the last.
With twinkle in his keen eyes he
srrang ii, n brand new variation OF the
nge-old mother-in-law story. He told
Ii well, it was excruciatingly funny and
Ii was new. But it fell fiat. The big
spontaneous burst OF laughter was not
Forthcoming. But they more than
made up for ii when they began 10
clap as the leicester left the platform
and when they gave him three cheers
after the performances.
But 1t worried rlie comedian and lat.
er lie asked lieutenant about 1t. The
lieutenant lighted his cigarette before
answering. Il don't suppose you fei.
lows outside this mans army have any
reason for knowing this, hut the old
mother-in-law joke will never get over
again. / couldn't laugh at one, no mat.
ter how funny 1t was, TO save my neck
1t wouldn't seem funny to me. You
see when war was declared, wanted
In the worst way to enlist. Fellows
with kids see it even before the single
ones, hut | felt that 1t wouldn't be
right to do IL then on account of Mars
and the children. l couldn't keep vi
my home or soldiers pay. if | gave
w JuD. II Uttiu bcciu liz A4uaAV
thing to them then.
We'll, my motherin-law sent for me
to come around one night and see hel
alone ON my way home from the Office
She told me that she knew just how
felt about enlisting and that WASH
to let the money side Of it stand In
nay light for an instant. | could d.
what | could, she said. and she woult
make up the rest. She hadn't a boz
OF her own to 40 and anyway Mary and
the children were 10 get all she hat
when she was gone they might as wei
have 1t now when they needed it most
It's no use, the old motherin-law iok'
is dead. There are hundreds OF boys
right here in this one camp who Zee
exactly MS do about It,"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
SHIPS IN CONSTANT PERI.
Sailing Without Liehts. Eavisators
Can Only 7eiy on Qufetnoss Of Per-
ception and Professional 'aerve.'

Even II the Huns are escaped. the
life Of merchant ship man in these
days Is far removed from beer and slit.
ties. An example Of What they have
II 80 through : furnished 10y the mar
row squeak the Empress of BritHn ard
the cardieanshire had one night IN the
Aegean sea, Ralph T.. Grepley writes
IN the Atlantic. Both are big ships,
and they were loaded with troops and
going II full speed--zigzaggih
light showing. II was one Of those
nights when You can hardly see your
hand before yon. There were no stars,
no Notwithstanding hnt
10 trust 70 luck and the ears of the
man on The bridge.
The captain of one of the ships has
told me that. before he knew II. there
was ship. bow on him dead ahead.
or course the first impulse was to shift
his helm; hut If he did so, the dan
ger would be of ono ship giving the
other n gisneing blow. Fortunately.
the other skipper appreciated this also.
Their nerve. In spite Of several years
Of war-zone work. was stiil equal TO
the occasion. il all happened in the
twinkling Of an eye. and they passed
safely though there had been less than
10 feet separating the ships and their
outswung lifeboats nearly seraped. TIL.
captain of the Card ganshire. though
he could not see him, heard the cap
tain Of the Empress of Britain above
the noises Of the sca--heard him yell
For Gods snks. old man. don't shift
your helm - 80 close were they on their
respective bridges high above the sea.
Instances Of this kind. which try
mems sapls. nightly occur. and quite
frequently there are collisions and
tragedies In the pitch dark. The only
way that the two ships Identified
themselves was ten days later, ut Sa-
loniki when the captain " the Cardi
Ksnshire heard the skipper OF the
impress Of Britain asking n friend II
he knew what ship he nearly bumped
on certain night | ava sorry M re-
port that the captain of the Empress
Of Britain lost his life Ia the Halifax
explosion while doing hospital work.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
First Patent. for STEAMBOATS,.

by n number OF curious condolences
the United States government issued
its first patents 4or steamboats, on Au
gust 20. 1871, TO Nathan Read, John
Fitch, James Kumsey and John Stew
ems. Some time previous to the issu-
ing of these patents Read invented
''the necessary machinery to adapt
Watts steam engine to boat and land
carriages. In 1889 he exhibited to a
committee of the American Academy
Of Arts and Sciences model of
steamboat with paddle wheels, which
he designed to connect with a high
pressure engine. Read also invented a
multitubular boiler and still another
form Of boiler ON the same principle as
is used at the present day on our loco
motives The fire passed through
small spiral tubes, and in this way
consuming the smoke and several 9TH
er forms with many apartments TO
which the water was 10 be gradually
admitted us fast as 1t was evaporated.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
versatile Packing House.

1t was packer experts who solyeo
one OF the most important problems
Incident TO supplying our men viii
gas masks. II is packer product thai
Is used to stanch the flow of blood
from the wounds of our soldiers; i
IS a packer product which is used &c
sew up the wounds; the soap with
which the soldiers clean un after theiI
turn in the trenches is packer prod.
net the glue which figures largely il
the MANUFACTURE of airplanes comes
from the packers; the aviators' sheer
pelt coats are packer products; ely.
eerine for use IN explosives. ANNA
oils for lubrcating purposes ane
leather for harness, puttees and thu
like come largely from packing houses
Christian Herald.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Wooden sh.nbuiIdIna in Australia.

The lack OF Shlpbuilding and the
pressing need Of providing cargo space
for the 5,000,O00 TONS of wheat and the
large quantities of other products
awaiting shipment in Australia Is caus-
ing revival of wooden shipbuilding
which was comparatively important in
the days when wooden sailing ships
were the dominant type of vessel. Con-
tracts have been let by the common
wealth government for the construc-
tion Of II wooden vessels OF about
1000 tons each at sydney and six OF
$500 tons at bremRntle, West Aus
tralia, with a possibility of arranging
for considerably larger number. II
Is also proposed 10 build 20 vessels OF
from 500 10 1000 tons in Tasmania.-
Scientific American.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17

Many efforts are h-ing made to make
the airplane invisible from the earth
when II IL soaring through the ether.
One Idea calls fer the use Of trsnspar-
ent material, NJ least for all purposes
where . canvas covering is used ut
present. sueh as the wings and the
fuseiage. One Of the latest ideas OF
the kind Is said to he an sirpnne which
uses noninfiammahle ceilulcid for the
wings and other parts. and when n.y.
ing ct a few hundred feet elevation
the apparatus is quite invisible. ac-
cordipg to reporis- A new mufiiIng
box ou The motor serves 10 deaden the
sound one advantage of the transpar-
sncr IL that observations can be made
n all directions.
--e
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
The Simplest Way.

Mrs. Flash went away to spend q
fortnight with a friend, and while shs
was away Mr. Flash wrote to ask her
where she'd put the key OF the billiard
room.
"In my boiero pocket" she wrote
back, somewhere in the wardrobe"
when Mrs. Flash got back she found
the wardrobe absolutely empty.
Where have you put all my thingsr
she asked her husband.
MY dear" said he sternly. you tosd
me that key was in your bolera pocket
In that wardrobe. searched, and a.
don't know boero from box piait
just took everything into the garden.
set fire TO them. aud recovered the key
from the ashes l''--Adeiaide. Australia.
Chronicle
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17

In the year 1916 Surgeon General
Gorga- headed commission Of the
international health bonrd which yiS-
tied south America and delImlted the
seed beds Of yellow fever. as prelim-
mary step IN n campaign for complete
~ eliminating this disease from the
world. II Is believed that the sources
of Infection are ~ t;iysauil. Ecuador !:
IN region along the south shore Of
the Caribbean; In strip along the
narth coast Of Brazil and IN certain
area ON the west coast 81 Africa. The
progress Of this ambitious undertaking
has now been interrupted by the par
tieipation NJ The United States In the
war. bnt work will he resumed as soon
a. conditions permit. Scientific Amer
fcsn.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
petectsphone Barred.

Conversations heard over deteetn.
phone were barred in the New York
supreme court by Justice Gofr unti
proof was introduced that the instru
ment works accurately. II was usee
ny Mrs. Bertha Bloomer to gather evi
dence for her divorce action against
Martin II. Rloomer. lumber dealer
Counsel for Mrs. Bleomer protested
that the detectaphonc Is being used b.,
the United States government IN its
secret service work. Justice Gof re
Piled:
".nynne might place an insirulaeE'
sf this sort in room and claim h
sed overheard conversations OF some
,ne he had not seen At the time"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Eooli.h "collsos Men" Ar. Girls.

War and the industries made neces-
sary by war have had the effect of de-
pleting the student bodies Of the Eng
llsh universities to an extent that will
be serious this year. At the Univer-
silly Of Birmingham. one OF the most
modern and progressive seats of learn
ing IN Treat Britain. where scientific
traiaing Is n specially, all OF the gradu-
ates who received the degree OF bach
eior Of science this year were women.
Two-thirds OF the masters of Science
were Japanese and fcur-ifths Of the
bachelors OF medicine were girls.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17

Naturally. being continually on the
I'VE. wsrrhlp y less satisfactory
IN platform than the solid earth.
en- IN the ealmest sea vessels con
snily ron from side to side.
+ Theoretically. the best time 10 fire is
the moment between the rolls. ehen
j. deck i perfectly Level. II i prac-
icsily impossible however. 70 nrc ex-
1fly ~ that moment. NJ matter hev
lreful the gunner may be- he fires
1 gun jn~t before Or just after the
copper instant.
4 The rule In the American nayy s 10
wait for The downward roll -~thnf IL.
ire ~ the moment the ship Is about
a move Down through Tire limilon ~
he waves. The i1axiln IN The ErliiSh
iayy u exactly the reyers. that s..
wait Tor The Upward roll. = rific that
iss been observed from the very cnrii-
- days Of fighting by the gauners In
British ships.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Land Girls, Winter Outfit.

The land girls winter outfit has been
exercising the attention. of the Lon.
don ladies' tailors. Throughout the
summer months the girl who works on
the land has presented n very smart
appearance ia her fresh white tunsc
and knee breeches Of khaki drill. The
coming colder weather, however, de
mands something more substantial
than drill, and the land suit of khaki
corduroy Is the latest vogue in agri-
cultural uniforms. Pockets, except as
a decoration, have played very minor
part in feminine fashions for some
years now. but the tailors report that
the land girls insist upon full equip
ment of big workmanlike pockets in
breeches and tunics. The women war
workers are very particular about the
cut of their uniforms and the outfits
now being turned out by the tailors,
In perfection of workmanship and fin
.sh, compare very well with the most
expensive creations of fashion.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Crime Conditions in Germany.

CrimInaliiy in Germany augments
without cessation. To quote Socialist
Mehring before the reichstag, lying.
theft and sYindllng are not Offset by
military glories. The Bisl,op Of Metz
Ia his London pastoral speaks of inn
morality. theft and unbridled license.
In Berlin In the fall of 1916 there was
nm average of 800 daily complaints OF
theft. The Insecurity on tile public
thoroughfares Is great. There are B.
600 criminals whose terms AT hard la
Dor have expired who are al large,
banned alike from the public and pri-
vafe employ. In the Dusseldorf dis
.irlci in the first half OF 1917 5000 ado
lescents were. convicted Of crime, and
various buildings have had To be con-
verified into warehouses; and places OF
detention for these persons.--l1a
Presse Nedicnle.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
start AirpIansa in shsd..

Owing to peculiar climatic and nat
ural conditions which prevail, the
Japanese have adopted peculiar meth
DDS In aviation training. With great
ingenuity oriental aviators have built
long, low airplane sheds. and from one
OF these he rusllcs out and mounts
the air. He has learned from bitter
experience that 10 start the machine
in the open is TO be enyelcped In
clouds OF dust. which effectively clog
and stop all working pnrts. SO he
gains momentuus In his shed. and With
the arst thunder of the engine la the
open he has started to climb.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17

Before sentencing the prisoner the
judge read long record Of his Grim
inai misioings. dating from early
youth Then The prisoner asked:
MAY inquire yonr lcrdship's
name"
What do YOU want la know my
name fcr7" stcrniy asked the Judge.
well" replied the prisoner. "since
your lerdsIiip 80 accurately described
my early life. can't hut conclude that
you and | have been friends at some
time. fail TO recall ycii NJ the mo-
ment. though. Stray Stories
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Sending Carrier Pigeons by Balloon

To increase the usefulness of pig.
cons in warfare wire cages, each just
large enough for one bird. are now ir
use. says Popular Mechanics Maya
zine. The cages carry grain for the
birds and pencils and paper for ma.
rooned dispatch writers. They are
attached to small balloons that are
used when wind conditions are favor
able, and also to parachutes designed
To be dropped from low-hying air.
planes. On the other hand several OF
them may be strapped to trained
dog and conveyed by him 10 the de
sired point All of which is for the
purpose of establishing communication
with detachments that become cut of
from the main body of troops and
while resisting capture. have no means
of immediate escape without outside
assistance. The wire cages are ar
ranged so That the birds may be fec
without being removed from them
and, furthermore, messages may be
inserted in the pellets the pigeons
carry without the latter being handled
or even touched.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
MOVING BY PLANE
list a Possibility of the Not Very
Distant Future.
nc Reason Why, When Sanity Returns
to the Earth. Appliance should Not
Ee Used for prosaic Conn
mereiaI Purpose

Tinie-After the .ar.
riace-S Somewhere in the United
States OF tie world.
Mrs. John Smith IS discovered press
ing buttons ut the base Of a wireless
telephone IN IA plainly. hnt arfisiieally
furnished room Furniture includes a
grand piano. bookcase, etc On the
PIANO Is German helmet.
AIr. Smith, speaking Into The phone:
Hello. Is This the office OF the In
iernational Alrplane Moving company?
huh!
well, this il Airs John Smith nj
9sf2 rershing avenue. I'm going to
move today TO 9g6J Focl avenue and
! wnnt you 10 send one of your air
planes after the furniture. And say.
tell your men Ia be careful not To
scratch the piano er dent The helmet
That my husband got from the Ger
maus
YES. | want you 10 Come right away.
I'm leaving for France tonight on the
nine o'clock Transatlantic aIrship."
Such Incidents may be everyday &C.
currenccs In the near future. consider.
Ing the Development of the alrplane.
agAs matter of fsct sn aIrplane recent
rs carried IN upright piano from Lon
Ion to Paris along with several pas
seugers. This Was done 10 demon.
II artrats the lifting and carrying power
the plane. II was one OF the huge
STU r,mhlnx types which are dropping Ell
Tn sssivss upon the Rhlue cities. and ef
vurse used for war purposes.
PIC However. II may be safe 10 predict
coIpst pescs viii not sio~ up M. prse-
zeal progress Of serial transportation.
- not nallkeis thar wiihia the pres
cgens generation sirpisnrs viii be a.
4 eonmea ~ mstor ears now are. The
skrooats viii be manned by The young
fellows vino are @ilhee war ssiators or
are in training for that wnrk.
So II Is prshsbi. thsl these svistorr
- ne future will guide the SKY vans
~hseh viii more our furniture. for. "
an upright piano ear be moved freis
London to Parss In yer times. u Ag
pears f.ssssls 10 move upright. xrasd.
81 any kisds 81 pianos OF furaltars
from one ssstisa II the city to smother
- peace times.
Granted that . suitable iandlnG
place nsy be provided fer the moving
planes. 10 that the fsrnifufs mar be
transferred without injury. great
nssny % the ~srrses Of rsovlsE lay viii
became ~ forgotten ss the diseomf.rt-
- travelling via ex wagon. In its
ss.ss.afn nssassa fhraa.k ,ha cir chin.
we're aud the glass Of the bookcase
vlIi not be In danger Of bsIux broken.
Il Thas. the housewife OF the failure
sih aot need to take much time from
ssr duties IS member ef the United
Tons ciab on mosing day to feader-
r. wrap up cups and ssneers or To
iate the helmet that her husband cap
rel from German when the Amer
an army occupied Metz and Berlin.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Night Photograph. From AIrpI.ne.

An Iiaiian Invention which permits
photographs being taken NJ night has
been submitted 10 the signal corps OF
the United States army. According to
the men Who control the new device II
viii soon be possible 10 take excellent
Pictures Of enemy positions from air
planes flying ~ low height on moon
light nights. II + also claimed that the
Invention can be fitted 20 moliou-pic.
tufs cameras. which would permit the
photograpldng for the screen Of much
u the fighting IN The mir, the greater
part Of Which takes place IN the early
morning hours. TIP 20 the present time
the clief obsineles met by the daylight
aerial photographers Is that the anti
aircraft gums force tie flyers 10 take
pictures from i great height. and much
of the detail OF the enemy lines IS
therefore losi 1t ls helu, continues
Aviation. that ilyers are IN little dam
ger from artillery when dying nj night.
Scientific American.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1919-01-17
Accumulated Citizen.

we've bout decided 10 ousi old Hill
Bottletop out o. this community" re-
marked Bronch" Bob.
"What has he been deing?"
Hasn't been doing anything. It's
the way he talks. He says he doesn't
mind these gasolineiess days. What
worries him is these dodgast ssleonless
days"
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1919-07-08
IRRIGATORS SHOULD
PRESERVE CONTROL

Yesterday two irrigators met at
headgate and there was a clash of
rights to the use of the water, and
whatever the provocation, one man
struck the other and thereby took
his life.
Similar clashes and similar pro-
vocation may come to other men en-
gagged in the use of the same stream
of water, and men must remember
not to resort to violence. The
division of water is one of the most
trying things we have in civil life,
and taking complaints into court is
a slow and unsatisfactory way of
applying the remedy when selfishness
asserts itself .unduly, but delays of
court proceedings are better than
bearing the stain Of Cain, that never
can be undOne.
Let no man be unreasonable in his
attitude on the water question, and
let no man resort to violence as a
remedy for a lack of reason. No
man can afford to do either of these
wrongs.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1919-07-08
TRANSFER OF WATER RIGHT

Notice is hereby given that John
l. Stewart of Blackfoot, Idaho, has
applied to the commissioner of rec.
lamation Of the state of Idaho FOL
a certificate authorizing him to trans.
fer the use OF 10 second foot of the
water of BlackfoOt river from the
land upon which it is now used, l. e
sen NEA, NJ SEA- and SWH
sen section 10, twp. 2 S., R. 81
E., B. M. to the following described
tract SR SWA sec.s Is, lot 2 Of
sec. IA, lot 3, sec. 10 twp. s..
R. "a E., B. M.
And that, on the tenth day Of
July, A. D. 1919, at Blackfoot, Idaho
before the commissioner of reclama.
tion or his authorized agent, the op.
portunity will be given to any and
all persons to appear and present
for his consideration any reason OF
reasons why certificate should not
be issued authorizing such transfer
w. G.. SWENDSEN,
Commissioner of Reclamation
adv. 47a4m
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1919-07-08
AN INVENTION FOR FARMERS

A new beet puller and topper has
appeared built by Snake river man.
1t is said to be success and more
than that. 1t is buncher and piler
| besides.
| The inventor is James T. Wilson
of Lewisville, Idaho, and Perry Bay
singer of Little Lost river has been
financing the work. A test was made
last week on beets replanted this
spring for the occasion and another
test was made Monday, July 7. Still
another test is to be made about the
fifteenth, for each test reveals ad-
justments that can be made to make
it work more perfectly.
The new machine tops the beets
and puts the tops ma draper that
assemblies them in a hopper free
from dirt. When the hopper has a
hundred pounds in it, the tripper
dumps them and it begins on the
next hopper-full.
While it is doing all these things
to the beet tops, it is also pulling up
the beets themselves after being
topped, and ROLES them around and
puts them into another hopper that
acts in the same way, dumping them
in piles. 1t has spike-wheel that
rolls along and sinks its spikes
gently into the crown Of each beet
to hold it in place while the knife
clipps off the crown. The spikes lift
the crown with the tops on, to the
draper that puts them into the
hopper.
This brings the beet harvest up to
the point where Austin Brothers
want it. They are working on the
basket idea, and now man can have
a supply of baskets on the topper
and as each one is filled, he can slide
it off and put an empty in its place.
A truck comes along and takes on
the baskets, so the beets will go from
the ground to the beet dump without
being touched by hand.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1919-07-08
NOTICE TO CREDITORS

In the probate court of Bingham
county, state of Idaho.
In the matter of the estate of
Eugene A. Johnson, deceased.
Notice is hereby given, by the un-
dersigned, Mary A. Johnson, execut-
rix of the will of Eugene A. Johnson,
deceased, to the creditors of, and all
persons having claims against the
said deceased, to exhibit such claims
with the necessary vouchers within
ten (10) months after the first pub
LEGATION of this notice, to the under
signed as executrix, at the office
of Lee & Adair, in the Henesh- Hop
kins building, Blackfoot, Bingham
county, Idaho, which said offices the
undersigned selects as her place of
business in all matters connected
with said estate.
Dated June 28, 1919.
(SeaD ]. E. GOOD.
Lee & Adair, attorneys for said
executrix. Residence: Blackfoot,
Idaho.
Date of first publication, July l.,
1919. adv. 50a5m