The Bismarck tribune., 1919-03-28

CIICc liS KAISER Sd" ulliScll ruler OF lNe WO!lC
now he saws himself wood
RAISING A MUSTACHE
1t takes brave man to raise mustache. When
you first hesitate and then desis when comes to
shaving your upper lip and the sprouts spring up
as ragged as the weeds in brick wall, then your
friends nudge each other and grin broadly when
they meet you. Your family looks at you with
sOrroWful eyes and cringes when you jauntily
caress the segments Of down and remark that you
certainly are breaking all records for the puick
accumulation of foliage.
You become the butt Of constant Kidding You
furnish large lunches of enjoyment for your
friends. The favorlte form Of witticism INDUCED
in by your friends. is 81 ng hcse lines: Why
the disguise! So you're raising alfalfa row? OF
course: you wan to hide that face Of yours.'
After about three or four weeks of this sort
Of a life you determine TO remove the hrsute
adornment. But syou find this doesn't stop the
kidding. AS matter Of fact it flares up more
strongly than ever. "Ah, ha," say your friends
so you cut off your mustache to make yourself
look younger? That's right, ol dtop, make your
self look as young as possible-vou're slipping
fast"
1t takes a mighty brave man to raise mus
tache ,and--tO shave it off!
If he is a good American, he is probably a
decent man. And if he isn't he isn't
We can't help wondering whether McAdoo will
rank as director in the movies or director
general. a
Anyway, railroads subsidized by government
will be less pernicous than government subsidized
by railroads a8tE5u# 5@EI#
The Ukrainians are reported in Przmysl, and
the proofreaders hope they will wipe the darned
place off the map
The Huns think our peace plans are heartless
but think how much worse they would have been
if we had been Huns
Russian prisoners in Germany now fed by
America, are clamorng for their inalienable right
to go home and starve
Officially branding the kaiser a criminal is
hardly worth while unless the brand is to be carved
on him with meat-axe. >.-.
The Bolshevik general staff is planning vic
torious entry into Archangel as soon as our little
army gets cut of it's way.
A headline says that Germany must Weld
Chinese SOIL She has. The only question now is
whether Japan will yield it. ,
One reason why we do not feel it our duty to
restore order in Russia is because it is 80 hard to
get IN there with enough troops.
The amount Of the indemnity demanded by
Belgium won't be satisfactory to the civilized world
unless it raises a howl in Germany.
Capital brought them across the water because
they would work cheap; they are proving more
expensive than good American labor.
That he can speak American is not sufficient
reason to grant him citizenship; he should first
demonstrate that he can think American
1t is only fair to tell Germany that part of
her food shortage is due to the fact that her sub
marines cast so much bread upon the water.
We are willing to feed Henie, but we want it
understood that it is matter of business and done
to please our pocketbooks rather than our hearts.
Cnlnese who sold human flesh in Russia were
arrested by the police, probably because they were
infringing on the spirit of government monopolv.
Mr.. Bryan says that the league plan was sug-
tod hvA -.