Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1919-06-28
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King of Tightwads.

Crabtown claims to have the stingiest man
in Michigan If not in the world. and pre-
MUM is offered for his superior in closehsted-
ness. He got married to a home girl to save
expenses. They walked around the square for
a bridal tour. He bought her nickel's worth
of candy for a wedding present, and then sug-
gested that they save the candy for the chill
dren.-Slickerville (Kan) Mirror.
Elsie Janis is a good fellow, and a good
business woman also. She spent year sing
ing to the boys on the other side, at a great
personal sacrifice, it is said in her behalf But
when she comes back she signs up for series
of moving pictures, these to be done as side
just like a lot OF big business men who went
over. She had her eye on the great American
dollar. Still. she is not to be blamed
It is said rs German sub commanders who
are accused of barbarities by the allies and
are likely to be tried for their crimes have
formed suicide club the idea being that when
one is in danger OF citation for trial he will
kill himself. Well. over here we don't care
how the job is done, or who does 1t, just so
the guilty are punished.
German army captain has been fined for
refusing to return an American salute. Ach.
Colt. vat a crushingness-
A New Yorker is sueing for divorce because
he says his wife >vamped him into marriage
with her. The vamp, judging from his expert
ence, fascinates while the wine flows and the
lights blaze. but in the cold gray dawn of the
only be filled by the old-fashioned kind Of wife.
the one who was reared in the ways OF her
mother.
In the next column to the left observe
an item that states that Mr.. Wilson, having
about finished his business abroad. Woodrow
home. We take this to have been meant for a
joke But the president wouldn't think it such
If he actUallV That would
be deuced slow navigating, by Jolly
Connie Mack threatens to retire as manager
of the Athletics. But he will still continue to
own the team. Cornelius will retire from the
Athletics when he disposes OF the team, not
before. The bug is too firmly implanted in his
system for him to let loose at this late day.
o.
The last prisoner in the Mercer county Jail
has escaped. Can hardly blame him. It's bad
enough to be locked up. but living alone in
prison certainly can't be very gay life.
o.
Governor Lowden will not admit that he is
candidate for the Republican nomination for
the presidency. OF course folks who have been
boom meetings that have been held in his in
terest would never suspect that he is enter
tanning any thought of making the race. He
is just sitting back and letting the boys whoop
things up for him. and spend their good money,
and everything. Uhugh.
Kansas is calling for $4,000 harvest hands
And the cities are filled with idlers. Uncle Sam
ought to take hand. as he did during the war
Every loafer ought to be made to show why he
isn't busy.
Two One-armed golfers played a match in
New York. The accounts say that their physi-
cal handicaps didn't interfere with their cuss-
ing propensities
The personnel of the new Italian cabinet
reads ike grand opera cast.
A New Yorker. with a summer country place
has rented garage in the city, spending his
nights there when he is unable to go home
The inference is he sleeps in his car with his
hand on his revolver. That's one way of play
ing safe when you are among the crooks.
Another food prohteering probe is to be held
in Chicago. And prices will continue to rise
These probes are nothing more than prods-the
wholesaler to get just little bit more.
peanut vender fell so feet off a baseball
grandstand in Cincinnati to the brick pavement
When interviewed he said that he made it with
out even breaking a peanut. He ought to be
available either for vaudeville or the chautau-
qua circuit.
General Groener has resigned as Germany's
chief of STAFF. He has been grunting ever since
he assumed the post.
Wonder if golf will be as popular as of
yore after July i?
Villa keeps on defying ell of the Unitea
States except Texas.
A Chicago boy who was held in France on !
account of an attack of the flu, reaching home /
a month after his comrades, was kissed by 40
girls. Who wouldn't take chance with the !
ailment for that kind OF a reward. And none |
of them were f1usies either" observes Oswald. |
]. NJ C.