The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1919-07-17
DOROTHY DIX TALKS
BY DOROTHY DIX
worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer.
The Long Engagement.


young man is very much in love
with beautiful young girl. 1t VIII pc
several years. however, before he VIII
be in a position to safely undertake
the responsibilities of matrimony. and
he wishes to know whether he should
seek to tie her to him by a long en-
gagement or not
1 say. no. A thousand times, no. A
long engagement is always a mistake.
1t is not fair to the man.and 1t little
less than suicide for the girl.
A long engagement is unfair 20 both
parties because it creates an anoma-
lous situation in which the unhappy
couple are neither fish. nor flesh, nor
good red herring. They are bound.
yet free. They are free. yet bound.
They feel that their fate is settled, and
yet that 1t is indefinite. They have the
responsibilities CT matrimony without
its peace. They consider that they
have the rights of a husband or wife
to monopolize the party of the other
part but they have no right to enforce
their claims.
This nerve-racking position OF the
long engaged is particularly hard on
the girl. She is a maiden robbed of
the fun of her maidenhood. She is a
wife without a husband and a bill
payer. She is widow without free
dom. or insurance money, or alimony.
She is a perpetual Sister Anne on the
strained looking for the return of a
lover who may. or may not. come
back.
Little as lovers like to admit It. this
is changing world. and our fancies,
and our tastes and our affections are
the most variable things in it, The
girl who appears to a man to be the
most desira BILE creature earth one
year, may look TO him like a remnant
that he wouldn't take home on bet
two years later. If he were free to
make his choice of a wife The man
who is the ideal of all her dreams this
year, may attract a woman as little,
next season. as her last summers hat
Yet the man and the girl may be
just the same, just as good looking.
just as intelligent, just as worthy. ,ust
as much entitled to be loved. II is
only that we have lost our taste for
them.
Marriage is spoken of as a lottery,
but 1t is a dead sure thing compared
to the chances one takes in entering
into long engagement. In that on3
cfces, indeed, with fate with n hum
cred to one chances against him or
her.
Take the case of a young man who
starts forth in the world to seek his
fortune bound by an engagement to
some girl back home. At the time
OF the engagenent they suit each
other perfectly. They have the same
tastes. habits, and outlook on life, but
the young man goes away into broad
er fields. He gets a wider vision. He
acquires the education of contact with
sophisticated people. He meets clever
women of the world who know how
to talk and dress. and meet every
situation in a big tolerant spirit.
He comes to think of his little pro-
vincial sweetheart with horror and
ureao. Her artless conversation bores
him stiff Her gaucheries of manner
and dress make him ashamed. The
idea of marrying her and being tied
to her for life is like a nightmare, but
he feels in honor bound, to do II be-
cause she has wasted her youth in
waiting for him, and he has kept her
from marrying any other man.