The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

viii appear next week at the top OF
the editorial column"
This is the kind OF thing. if you can
afford a pet Washington corresDon-
dent, that viii give you class in your
own home town, and when you stroll
down Main street the boys will look
upon you as the prize village oracle.
My Washington man reports as fol-
lows: Washington. November 18th
Slightly delayed in transit by Mr..
Burleson's miraculous machinery
The Presidents doctors called on me
this morning to report progress. They
had a fight on the lawn before they
came in. between two specialists from
Philadelphia, bacteriologist from
Oshkosh, and a larynologist from East
st. Louis. but they finally tossed up
and came to some sort of temporary
agreement among themselves. w
find" said the ringleader, that all is
well at present. The President Is IN
splendid condition and was able TO
glance over the last report from the
Carnegie Foundation without any
febrile symptoms. There is nothing on
eartr the matter with him that we
couldn't cure if we knew how. on the
whole, we believe everything will be
all right, but to be on the safe side, and
in view of the reports from the
weather bureau. we have sent for
couple OF VeIeFlnaTleS from PoSlO4l' ii
political economist from East An6el
and a diagnostician from Harlem.
When they arrive we will give you
some thing more definite
1 then saw Colonel House. He was
very busy listening to Lord Grey when
1 entered. but his lordship was grac-
ious enough to rise and leave at once
Now, Colonel" I said. plunging into
the heart of my subject with regard
tn this lea natinnS hear so
much about, and know so little about
as l understand it, clause IA not only
requires reciprocal confidence, but we
must have some sort of international
sanction in order that Borah and l can
do the right thing by everybody. l may
say that Hiram Johnson and Ham Lewis
both back me up. Would you, under
the circumstances, consent to the most
favored nation plan-with due respect
of course, to Mr.. Fitzpatrick and Mr.
Foster?"
BE that as it may" replied the Colo
mel with bright smile.
In case Turkey should secede from
the union" l went on. land Shantung
should be moved over to Texas, would
you annex Mexico at once or if we
have battleships on hand at the mo-
ment, would clause 10 be operative, al
ways providing" l paused to let my
full meaning sink in-"always provid-
ing that the late Claude Kitchin and
Ferdinand of Bulgaria will conduct the
financial system and Sam Gompers has
a chance to cut in on the remains?"
UNI" said the colonel, significantly
I then withdrew, as he was becoming
| hoarse, and interviewed the chairman of
the Greens committee of the House, a
man high up in official circles, who re-
quested me to withhold his name until
he could telegraph his mother-in-l law.
Il am able to report" he said. that
several important bills are now pend
ing. 1 have succeeded in securing an
appropriation for the filtration of the
Missouri river 1 couldn't get as much
as I wanted-I believe only $4,000, 000
but this is fair start. For some time
several of my constituents who live on
the banks of the Mississippi have been
greatly annoyed at the discoloration
of that magnificent expanse of water.
After an exhaustive analysis, by means
of the superb intellects who volunteered
their services, we were able to trace
the trouble to the Missouri. We found
| That the Missouri emptied itself into
| the Mississippi. This great work is now
going on
How about the budget?" I asked.
! He fixed me with his luminaus con-
gressional eye.
what budget?" he asked. sternly
TedllZeQ lDdl ndu Induc a lduA pos.
But I plunged on regardless of any
thing. THE national budget" l STAN
mered.
Young man." he said II don't know
why you ask me that" His voice trem-
bled. That" he said, sis something
1 cannot speak of-that concerns the
nation at large" And then he burst
into tears. I don't know why, but his
emo ton did not affect me. There are
moments when Won even fail to pity a
congressman.
And say, old man." went on, reck-
lessly. how about the high cost of liv-
ing-how about the dear old public
howabout this blooming country, any
way? Do you love it?''
~ do, I do" he murmured. Il would
do anything for my country, If l had
about rs years more But time presses,
and that Missouri river waits for no
man"
This afternoon the Senate sent for