davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

From the New York Times.
| nNlIE Mansion House of Auchinleck,
II of which James Boswell was once
q the Laird, in Ayrshire. which he
vainly sought to represent in Parliament.
is on the market. Here is chance for
some fortunate American Boswellian to
settle himself congenially, if he is not
afraid of income tax and death duties, In
Bozzy's old home, which he SO loved to
be away from. 1t is Burns's county, too,
and doubtless still rich in whisky. soul
of quips and cranks," whose unpermitted
| flow here surely the devotees of Jenny
Boswell, one of the most amiabe OF toss
pots, may be forgiven for deploring. The
new American Laird, rich in cars, car
travel in them as Jenny in his youth
described himself as travelling ''in post
chaises, miles without number he can
eat "of every good dish. especially apple
pie;" he can drink "old hook" il any IS
left in the world. He should have "a
very fine temper" be somewhat Of
| humorist.'
| HE was pleased to iisten." writes Bos-
well of his Great Bear In 17SS, ito par.
ticular account gave him of my family
and it's hereditary estate, as to tho ex-
| tent and population Of which he asked
questions and made calculations, recon :
mending at the same time a liberal kind
ness to the tenantry, as people over whom
the proprietor was placed by Providence.
He took delight in hearing my description
of the romantic seat of my ancestry. 1
must live here, sir (said he), and we VIII
live in the old castle; and If there is not
room remaining there, we will build
one.'''
| Johnson went there. as we all know,
and the place is described in the Tour
to the Hebrides." In his old age Mrs.
Boswell asked him TO come again. Po-
lite letters passed between them. Yet she
cannot have forgotten that his irregu-
lar hours and uncouth habits. such as
turning the candles with their heads
downward when they did not burn bright
enough. and letting the wax drop upcE
| the carpet. could not but be disagreeabe
to lady," and II have seen many a
bear led by a man, but never before
saw a man led by a bear"
Bozzy loved to talk about the woods
and rocks 1.-The romantic groves of mis-
ancestors In the old days "the Laird of
(! Auchnleck had an elegant house. in
! front of which he could ride ten miles
upon his own territory, upon which he
had upward of six hundred people," His
own father, Lord Auchinleck. was
strong and disagreeable character, wor-
thy Of Stevenson. One loves to think Of
the cultivated old patrician. sneering,
however wrongly. at his son and his
sons friends. There's nae hope for
jamie, mon. Jamie is gaen clean gyte
(mad). Whose tail do you think he has
pinned himself to now. mon? dominic.
mon, an aud dominic: he keeped a
schulz and caud 1t an acaadainy." One
repeats unblushingly all these anc'ent
and beloved Boswelliana and Johcsoni-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

constructive programme. The sight of
it makes me eager to speak on it, for it's
the one thing needed at present.
| dropped in at the First Methodist
church on Thursday morning just as
DR.. w. E. Beauchamp, the general secre-
| taryr of the laymen's movement and the
director general of the centenary cam
paign, arose to speak. I considered my
F., self fortunate for 1 was sure that he
/, had timely message for the body, and
one that would make a strong appeal to
me, as he had been in the very heart of
also teen abroad to study conditions and
needs.
| He has a fine stage presence, a good
speaking voice and knows his subject.
These three things make it possible for
any preacher to grip his audience. His
address was particularly pleasing. as
there was no straining after effects or
attempts to sway with oratory. The
mere fact that he had something to tell
that was worth hearing and was only
! anxious TO get II DeIOTe MS HedTeTS III
the quickest and simplest manner caught
the crowd which hung on to his every
word.
| The thing which caught me at once
was the fac. that he boldly stated that
southern Methodism having raised the
centenary fund was going to be put to
the field test by the way in which it
was administered, and so the big thing
now before the church was the conser-
walton programme. He was careful to
point out the danger of such a fund I'M
less it was consecrated by the prayers
OF those who gave it and those who
sent it. His remarks along this line met
withsmany fervent amens.
| T sat on the steps of the pulpit as the
church was crowded and no other seat
was to be had. This gave me a chance
! to look into the earnest facts of the
preachers, and the more I studied both
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

The young gentleman who wears
streamers on each lapel of his coat and
a tie and hat band combining his college
coiors, with perhaps a bunch of ribbon
on his cane. has reached that period of
life when he regards a football victory
as the climax of human achievement.
Santa Claus, bless his heart, Is getting
ready to make his annual rounds just as
If there were not a cloud on the indus
trial horizon and Senator Lodge were
buried under an avalanche Of ratifying
votes.
The governor of New Jersey expresses
a desire to make the state as wet as the
Atlantic ocean. II he feels that way
about 1t. large numbers Of New Jersey
ties are doubtless willing to cooperate.
= Il 4
An eastern pastor raised hob because
some young women OF the church APP
reared in kits. with bare. but deliciously
dimpled. knees. The worthy man is sure.
ly not keeping step with the times.
4 = y
|. That federal official who says New
York is the dryest city for it's size in the
country talks like a man who merely
changed cars in the metropolis and went
on toward Canada.
y 4 =
If something isn't done to put down
those pestiferous reds" in Russia, the
American tour of Kolchak. Yudenitct
and Dinekine may have to be post.
poned indefinitely.
= q =
Birmingham has gone one month with
out single suicide being reported. Peo-
pie who drink lemon extract and WOOD
alcohol are not supposed to commit sui
eide Intentionally.
Considering the distance OF California
from Paris, it's remarkable how mucf
atmosphere movie producers put into
their film thrillers Of the Paris under
world.
| x y =
| Uncle Sam has just given another dem
onstration of how the federal dragne
catches Reds"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
LUKE McLUKE SAYS

When you know that a man is
Blink Blanked Liar somehow or othe
you can't remember the word ~Pervar
icator."
! What has become of the o. I. sous
who used to stand on the corner an
sing the fact that he did not intend Il
go home until Morning, till daylight
doth appear?
One thing about Prohibition is that 81
compels man to stay on the watt
wagon between drinks.
f, A man is very considerate about gS
ing the Devil his due. But he isn't tina
thoughtful about his wife.
About the third day after Frieu1
Wife moves into a new house she dis
covers some other house that she like|
better.
Often a girl would not think of mari
rying the man she marries if it WASH
for the fact that some other girl want
him.
The scientist who claimed that ma
could live without brains evidentl1
met many Americans of voting age.
Lots of men who usel to get UP 81
6 a. m. when the saloons opened al
that hour, lie in bed until noon now
adays.
When you hear girl knock kne|
| skirts it may be because her knees ar]
built that way.
| We all believe that this would be
better world if other men were like wi
are.
| Some men are so busy hunting fc|
| typographical errors in a newspape]
| that they never see any news.
! If a girl had her choice between getl
| ting tuberculosis and getting Fat sh|
would take a chance on old 7. B.
| When a married man neglects hi
business for the woman he loves hi
wife doesn't know anything about III
| When you have a two day growth q
whiskers on your map some Cheerful
Idiot is sure to stop you on the stirred
and ask you where you went after vol
| got shaved.
! Somehow or other the woman Will
wears Size Three always has her fed
swollen when she goes to buy a pa
of shoes and the clerk has to give he|
Size Six.
| We do not know much But we 81
know that it isn't safe to tell Blond
that she is light headed
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
TREASURER.

By Louise Driscoll. in Poetry.
What will l remember and what win
forget?
Apple trees in blossom or wind {
break of day?
l sang song that no one heard--I sha
be singing yet
Out beyond the high stars an
through the Milky Way.
One said he loved me and one said nj
word
You walked beside me and nevt
heard me sing,
I waited in the darkness like a brood
ing bird,
And death came like lover with
golden ring.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
UNDERWOOD A STATESMAN
From the Alabama Courier.

rom the ALABAMA courier.
The people out in Texas appreciate
Hon. Oscar Underwood. Here is what
one of them writes back to the Shelf
field standard. 1t is thus with large
majority of democrats who appreciate
the great ability and usefulness Of
this distinguished representative IN
the Senate. We appreciate what the
Texas friend says. read it: From Texas
subscriber writes the Standard:
''Hurrah for Alabamas great states
man, Oscar Underwood. He has tho
right plan for solving tha railroad
question" Just another bit of evil
dence showing that Senator Underwood
is regarded by the people of the Unit
ed States as an able. constructive
statesman.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
BOSWELL'S HOUSE

ana. They have become ritual. They
cannot be repeated too often, especially
the old Lairds fine saying to Johnson,
who had asked him to tell of what use
Cromwell was: God, Doctor, he CART
(made) kings ken they had 18th dointg
in their neck
Some of us dote on Auchinleck< because
near it was the place of Miss Blair. that
heiress whom Bozzys father wanted him
to marry and to whom the volatile young
man made love in person and by deputy.
Bozzy sighed and adored and quarreled
with his dear infidel." He dressed in
green and gold. He even played his part
with Spanish stateliness." He squeezed
and kissed her fine hand while she
looked at me with those beautiful black
eyes" Does she have any particular lik-
ing for him? No. 81 like many people
as we'll as you. I like Jeany Maxwell
better than you,' says the frank lady.
Sir Alexander Gilmour is the favorite.
Bozzy laughs off his disappointment, and
writes ballad:
"She told me with a scornful look,
1 was as ugly as tawney;
For she a better fish could hook,
The rich and gallant knight. Sir Saw
ney."
Dear old Bozzy, Bozzy ever fresh and
young! Most un-Scotch of Scotchme2.
one of the most mixed of men; uncon-
ventional conventionalist; Tory prop of
state and church. who loved to picnic on
the coast of Bohemia; amorist, scholar,
button; sentimentalist and cynic, gener-
Gus and sordid; affected and candid. vain
and an analyzer of his own vanity; coll
lecter of celebrities, sycophant of genius.
in politics. and he won Immortality BY
his gust for London and his frequenta-
ton of johnson. Most sociable of men,
good fellow, though not without traits
of Rousseau. The Mansion House OF
Auchinleck ought to be a national monu-
ment, but money is scarce over on the
other side. Some American ought to buy
| it. some American worthy of it, Even
our Drys might forgive certain modest
regular computation in Bozzy's house:
not. of course, rivaling his own perform
ances on the Lancashire circuit, wnen
his brethren of the bar found him help
| less on the pavement and gave hlm 4
! pu;nea next day to move to the aston
ished court for a writ, quare haesit pavl-
Il
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
BRISK COMPETITION

would you mind directing me to
the leading dry goods store in town.
That's pretty hard to do. stranger"
answered Uncle Hiram Witherbee.
It's neck an neck race between tn
New York Bargain House an tn Bos-
ton Emporium. Some mornin' when 1
read tn advertisement of tn New York
Bargain House in tn Chiggersville
Argus I get tn idea that it's about tn
biggest and busiest store on eartn,
but when / turn a page an read what
tn Boston Emporium has to say I
begin to wonder how tn New York
Bargain House stays open. There they
are, stranger. Take your choice. Ones
on one side of tn street and ones on
t'other"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

Now that he is reported to be enjoying
huge income from Texas oil properties,
DR.. Cook has probably lost his former
constituencies over a certain Scotch YER.
dict.
Verify, the average newspaper office
would be dull and dismal place without
the frequent visits of press agents and
other persons with axes to grind.
y 4 y
King George of England says Will
helm got what was coming to him, which
is plain speaking when we consider that
George and wilhehp are cousins
X y *
This is such a big country a statesman
may have a presidential boom Of consid-
cradle size without impinging on the
boom of another statesman.
- 4 4
The formal opening of the Panama
canal is just another one of the many
cerel.lOflleS that ndu 10 De postponed De-
cause of the war.
* 4 =
Attorney General Palmer's ultimatums
on the coal strike are getting to be al
most as stereotyped as the ravens
"Nevermore."
X y X
Wedding bells. continue to ring out mer-
rily, just as if real butter were 20 cents
a pound and other commodities in pro-
portion.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
Race Course Popular

did you ever count the number OF
persons passing over Birmingham 5
race course in one day." asked Gen
George McC1eerv of Jack Adams and
r. A. Brown. They had not even
heard of Birmingham's race course
so they wanted further information
THAT shows dense ignorance on your
part" replied General McCleery. 1.-THE
race course is right under your eyes
every day. 1t is the sidewalk bound
ing the block between Second and
Third avenues and Nineteenth and
Twentieth streets. 1t is the busiest
part of Birmingham.
"A friend of mine undertook to
count the number OF persons passing
along the Second avenue part of the
course one day. but when he had
counted the same person 113 times he
gave up in despair. believe that is q
record for any person or city-11i
times on the same side of a street
within one block in a day. But it Is
proof of the popularity ofNthat part OF
Birmingham"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

mento-why did he adhere to the pave
ment? "At last" as old Lord Eldon tell
US in the best known of his anecdotes
one of them said, " My Lord, Mr.. Bos
well last night haesit pavimento. Their
was no moving him for some time A
last he was carried to bed, and he ha
been dreaming about himself and tn
pavement"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

, point where you can rattle off dozen
reasons why you think you car live
without her. then I'll be compelled tC
take hand in the proceedings and
send the young woman about her bust
| ness.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
A QUESTION OF COURTESY.
The New York World

From, the New York World.
9TH Sinit is ruled be courtesy, like
tn long shoremen's union" said Mr..
Dooley The longshoremen are gradu-
ally going back to work in spite of
their strike-leaders. Having held up
the peace of the world for nearly four
months, isn't there possibility that
two thirds of the Senators will soon be
ready to defy, Stakeholder Lodge and
reach an agreement of their own in re-
gard to the resolution of ratification?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
HIGHEST VILLAGE ON EARTH

HIGHEST VILLAUE ON
From the Scientific American supple
ment.
A writer in a recent is sue of LAS
troncmie calls attention to tiny VII
,apa IN Kashmir, which holds the lofty
distinction of being the highest on
earth This village. which bears The
name Karzok. is located at latitu lie
80 degrees and IS miutes 0.so seconds
north and longitude rs degrees and is
minutes 1895 seconds east from Green
witch It's latitude is 1855 meters or
1895 feet The village contains
few wretched stone houses and small
BUDDHIST monastery.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
PATERNAL SARCASM

Father" said young Jack Grabcoin,
ever since you made me member Of
the firm you've been looking troubled
about something"
Maybe I have, SON"
Whats the matter, dad2"
You are not applying yourself to
the business. I'm afraid a customer
will come in some day when I'm out
of the office and you won't even b.
able to tell him what we are selling,
THE NEXT TO DEPART /,
"still tossing bouquets at John Bar
leycorn. eh?"
What makes you think so?"
"I notice you have a poem there ex-
tolling a friend who is gone to re-
turn no more. the boon companion OF
your idle hours. comforter in sorrow
and the happy medium of good fellow
ship"
ooh. that's farewell to tobacco
There may be a demand for eulogios
of this kind before long"
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
DEPORT THEM

Send them away,
Over the sea,
Back to the lands~~
Where they ought to be.
These frowsy reds"
OF abusive speech,
Who sow the seeds
OF strife and teach
Contempt for the laws
Our fathers made.
'Gainst all that we hold
Most dear arrayed!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
FAILED TO MAKE coon

From the Columbus Dispatch.
For a body which was billed to bring
about absolute and abiding harmony
between capital and labor" we fear
that the labor conference at Wash
ington had an over-enthusiastic press
agent.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
AND ELSEWHERE
Approximation of MontevaIIo


Il am so glad you put that question
mark after your story. Bleak Novem-
ber,' few mornings ago" writes Miss
Alice Waters, a valued member of The
Age Herald staff. who is visiting
President and Mrs. Palmer at the Ala
bama Girls Technical institute at
Montevallo. in a letter to Dolly Dali
rymple. for with this wonderful
weather how could one ever think Of
November as bleak? Wasn't last week
the last in October-perfectly glori-
Gus? 1 just went about saying:
o suns and skies and clouds of June.
and flowers of June together.
Ye cannot rival for one hour
October's bright blue weather
When on the ground red apples lie
In piles like Jewels shining
And redder still on old stone walls
The columbine is twining.
Perhaps you don't know that I am
in Montevallo for a rest cure II 1
had looked over all The Age-Herald's
folders of desirable resorts I could
not have found a more ideal place than
quiet. peaceful Montevallo. with its
wonderful college. with its red brick,
UNCOVERED buildings spacious grounds
and everywhere such wonderful trees
You've seen them-great giant oaks.
am sitting under one near DR.. Pal
mer's home. where I am staying.
"Dr. and Mrs Palmer are such sweet,
hospitable people and they have been
SO perfectly lovely to me I shall hate
to leave when my two weeks Is up
Sunday.
THE association with these charm
ing people. with my sister and the
other teachers has been far more de-
lightful than I would have found it
with the porch and lobby crowd at
some seashore or mountain resort
The quiet strolling about the campus.
the longer walks into the woods near
by. have been a rare treat.
Yesterday I had a long auto ride
with Mrs. Palmer. After taking in the
Etown we drove out to the famous
Montevallo coal mines at Aldrich AS
| The Young Lady Across the Way
would say. IF the miners out there
were striking I couldn't hear the
| strokes Everything was perfectly
quiet-saw only one man. a guard in
his little tower overlooking the mine.
| Reading your article inspired me to
write to you about the wonderful
beauties of nature at Montevallo.'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
THEY DIDN'T MIND

Something happened to the heating
system and it was quite chilly at the
Grabcoin reception last night"
1T must have been rather trying on
some of the lightly clad women pres
emit"
"oh. yes. A few ladies whose hus-
bands are moderately well to ldo COM
planned of the cold. but all the others
wore necklaces of pearls and diamonds
that kept them swarm"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
Raid on Stills

Although we have made a large
number of raids on stills during the
past few weeks" said w. w. Pitts,
deputy collector of internal revenue,
I'VE have secured very little corn
whiskey but have DESTROYED large
quantities of beer. The demand must
be SO great for white lightning tina.
the operators are unable to keep any
on hand. or at least that is the reason
to which we attribute the shortage OF
this beverage around stills when raids
are made"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
Letters to Santa Claus

II have received instructions" said
Postmaster r. B. Smyer, ito turn over
the letters addressed to Santa Claus
on which the postage has been paid to
any organization making a request for
them.
Each year large number of let
tiers find their way to the postoffice
addressed to Santa Claus and contain
ing the wants offs many of Birming-
hams little folk and heretofore they
have been given to the local chari-
table organizations, who have supplied
the wants of those who would other
wise have had no Christmas.
IF no organizations or interested
persons request these letters this year
they will be sent to the dead letter
office
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
First Football Game

IT saw my first football game on
Saturday afternoon" said Rev. w. Y.
Adams of Blountsville, who repre-
scented Blount county so ably in the
last legislature. TT may seem a bit
strange for man II years old tc
begin to take an interest in such
things. but my son, Hawthorne, who
came back after having been in the
army of occupation in Germany to re-
sumo his studies at Howard was right
tackle, and. of course. I had a desire
to see him in action. 1t certainly
seemed mighty rough sport, but the
players seem to like it and I am sure
that the crowd did. for I never saw
such enthusiasm before. 1t was really
a wonderful experience, and I got as
excited as the rest Of the 'rooters.'"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
REWARDED

REWARDED
You know it is said that republics
are ungrateful."
sTve heard that"
How about colleges?'
"They are different Many college
has shown it's gratitude to a football
hero by giving him a lifetime job as
coach"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord.
give us the courtesy which is back
OF pOiiteness. Give us that gentle
ness. that consideration, that love,
which needs good manners. Make
us gracious with Thy deep inner
miracle, which re-fashions the soul.
In Christ's name, Amen. III. VI. Il.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
THE DANGEROUS STAGE

THE DANGEROUS STAGE
my boy" said Mr.. Wadleigh, why
do you persist in running after this
chorus girl?"
ITO tell the truth. I don't know,
dad"
VERY good. In that case I won't
interfere. But when you reach the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-09
Member of the Associated Pres.

Reputation is an Idle and most false
imposition; oft get without merit, and
lost without deserving.
OthelIo.
go y