davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
LIKE M,LUKE SAYS

About the only thing father has to do at night is to wind the clock before he goes to bed. But this doesn't keep father from insisting that he has to do everything.
 When paw kicks about the grub aft CT maw fumN and sVeats over it in the kitchen, maw tells paw that he can take it or leave it, meaning, of course, that he can go to the bad place if he doesn't like what she cooks.
 Once upon a time there was man who was fired from his job and who didn't tell other folks that he resigned. But he died. He was too truthful for this world.
 Funny how the acquisition of s2ooo public office will give man S2.000, 900 worth of pomposity.
 Harry Thaw may have had his faults But he had sense enough to keep away from the Chautauqua circuit.
 Another advantage in being married is that no matter whether it is chill plains or prickly heat that hurts you, you can always blame it on your wife.
 What has become of the old fashioned woman who believed that a cat would suck baby's breath.
 Don't be knocker. You may have noticed that your opinion of a man depends great deal on his opinion of you.
 Some old maids are that way be- cause they ran away from the men and some are that way because they ran after the men.
 A woman can get whole lot of ex- citement out of trying to guess who it is when the telephone bell rings
 Every girl has sense enough to pre- tend not to know the things she knows she ought not to know.
 Every man pretends to know enough palmistry to give him an excuse for holding a girls hand
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
CHEMISTS WHIPPED GERMANS

trenches as if it were a liquid. Im mediately there was a panic and they raced back, striving to outspeed the pursuing cloud. For a stretch of fif- teen miles the Allied trenches were emptied, and the Germans, who fol- lowed in the wake of the gas, met with TO opposition, except in the sector held by the Canadians. The brave Canadians hsld them until endorsements arrived and the gap in the lines was closed. Had the Germans made the attack on q broader front, nothing could have stopped them from breaking through to Calais
 "One thing the Germans had not counted upon was the fact that the prevailing winds in Flanders blows from west to east. During the entire summer and fall of 1915, the winds re- fused to favor them. This gave the British long respite and enabled them to prepare gas masks. There were many disadvantages in the use of gas clouds If the wind was blowing at more than 15 miles an hour it would swirl the gas around and dissipate 1t before it did much harm to the op- posing fighters If the wind was light there were other dangers. On one oc- casion in 1916 the wind veered around and carried their gas back upon the German lines As a result of this whim Of the winds eleven thousand Germans were killed.
 While chlorine was the first gas used, British chemists had suspected that the Germans would use phosgene. The man who inhales this deadly gas may not know he is gassed, but hours afterward, particularly if he has ex- ercised in the meantime, he may sud- denly fall dead, owing to the paralyz- ing action of the gas on the heart Mixed with chlorine this deadly com blnation destroyed all life for miles be- hind the trenches. Except for the men whose masks proved defective, the sol- diers came through with few losses All animal life, however was destroyed This was a blessing to the British Tommy whose trenches had been over run with rats"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
E 2. E Strikers Deal a Blow At Organized Labor

ID AILWAY employees who persist in ON remaining on strike in defiance of President Wilson's earnest plea that they return to work are hurting the cause of organized labor in America. They are setting bad example which will not only react upon themselves, but will add to the unrest that is al- ready a serious menace to our govern ment and will increase the economic burdens under which 00,000, ,000 peo- pie who are struggling.
 The fair-minded, patriotic working man in Birmingham and elsewhere does not support this policy. By ig- noring their leaders and flouting the President in this grave crisis, the rail road employee are simply feeding the fires of bolshevisn. They are helping to bring about situation in this coun- try that verges on anarchy.
 Granted that the shopmen have a just grievance, it is obviously impos- sible for the government to treat with them except through their constituted leaders. In a statement published Saturday it was explicitly denied that the shopmen had repudiated their in- ternaHonal officers, yet they have dis regarded and continue to disregard their advice. This is inconsistent and contradictory.
 There is much harping on democ- racy among the radical labor men. It is not democratic to make an entire nation suffer because few hundred thousand workers are dissatisfied and it is folly for them to remain idle when by so doing they cripple the very machinery set up to afford them relief. The economic situation in America, due to the war, is not work ing hardship on one class alone. It is universal. The root of the trouble is profiteering and the high cost of living. The government is taking vig- orous steps to reduce the prices of ne- cessities. Raising wages here and there will not solve the problem when prices mount as wages increase
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
BOLSHEVISM: SUPER SLUGGER

From the Chicago Tribune.
 l0ECAUSE of it's tremendous inn ID portance and because of the object lesson it presents to all. those who seek power through violence we reprint this bulletin from Vienna: Terrible acts of retaliation are re- ported from all parts of Hungary where many representatives of the commun- ist reign were mistreated and killed by the infuriated people bolshe- vists were clubbed and stoned to death. All bolshevists are in hiding, afraid of showing themselves. The so-called Lenine Boys Runs former bodyguard who committed innumerable atrocities, were all arrested. One of them has confessed to thirty-six murders"
 It is the inevitable reaction. The righteous indignation of the majority TOW transcends the violence of the vic- ious minority which by fearful deeds maintained it's short and loathsome au- thority.
 Bella Kun and his associates were the sluggers of Hungary. They were able
 to tyrannize over a nation because their cruelty and brutality symbolized uni versal and resistless power to the mind of the unorganized and bewildered pop uiation.
 When the sluggers had exhausted the national treasury-a treasury stored up by the patient labor of the niillions--and starvation confronted the people there came the unacceptable is sue. The people must either die of
 starvation or at the hands of the bolshevst mercenaries. Rather than
 endure the tortureS of hunger theY re-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

lMl( Ew YORK August 1o.-Cspecial) Il NJ The Allies whipped the Ger
 mans in the battle of the chen- ists. and before the war was ended the Germans were subjected to twice as much poison gas as they were able to deliver to the allies, according to A. Russell Bond, who writes a history of the development of gas warfare in the August St. Nicholas. In part he writes as follows:
 The German army had dug itself into line of trenches. Neither side could make an advance without frigh1ul loss of life. But a German scientist, Professor Nernst, inventor of a well known electric lamp, came for ward with plan to drown out the British with flood of poison gas. Chlorine gas was selected For the gas attack point was chosen where the ground sloped gently toward .the opposing lines, so that the gas would actually flow down hill into them. Pre- parations were carried out with the ut most secrecy. Just under the parapet of the trenches, deep pits were dug about yard apart on front of fif- teen miles. or over 25,0OoO pits.
 '"Everything was ready for the at- tack on the British in April, 1915. A point had been chosen where the Bri- tish lines made a juncture with the French. The French portion of the line was named Turcos. or Algetans who would be likely to think there was something supernatural about a death dealing cloud. On the left of the Af- ricans was a division of Canadians. The Germans wished to pick out a time when the breeze was blowing steadily not so fast as to scatter the gas, but yet so fast that 1t would overtake men who attempted to run away from it. It was not until the twenty second of April that conditions were ideal, and then the new warfare was launched
 Just as had been expected, the Turcos were awe-struck when they saw. com ing out of the German trenches, voI- tunes of greenish gas, which rolled toward them, pouring down into the and flowing over into the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

Some Unpublished Entries from the
 Journal of Disappointed Man" by
 W. N. P. Barbellion in the Nation
 (London).
 1 LIKE all things which are swift
 or immense-lightning Popocate-
 petl, London, Roosevelt,
 So, anyhow, like to think in periods of ebullience when wind and sun beat down upon the face and the blood rushes through the arteries We live in an age of hustle and speed. We sweep from one end of the country sto the other by rail, plane. and motor and the .quid nunc querulously complains, "Too much rushing about nowadays and too little thinking" Yet does he think we ought to remain at home arranging the Cos mos with Lotz or William James, while Hamel gets into an aeropiane on the neighboring heath and shows us how to loop the loop? Must I be improving my mind with sociological nominations while the herring fleet is ready to take me out to the deep sea?
  London street full of cars and strepu- GUS, sleek, top halted gentlemen and raddled women is most exhilarating' Londoners mdst enjoy a perpetual ex- hilaration. Like mountain air, l suspect that the stinks of petrol and horsedung set into the blood.
 Life pursues me like fury. Every where at all times, I am feeling, think ing. hoping. hating, loving, cheering. It is impossible to escape.
 I once sought refuge in a deserted country churchyard where the grave stones stood higgledy piggledy among the long grass, their inscriptions almost cbliterated by moss and time. Here said l. 'it will be cold and lifeless and I can rest" I wanted to be miserable dull and unresponsive '''
 saw the procession of human life, generation after generation, pass through the village down the ages, and though all had been silent before. I heard now the roar of existence sweep 1 as in Piccadilly. I jumped from peak to peak of thought-from human life to the planet itself; the earth fell away from my feet and far below was the round world whole-a sphere among other spheres in the planetary systems bound up by the laws of evolution and motion. As I hung aloft at so great,. .sl Height and in an atmosphere so cold | and rare. shivered at the immensity of the universe of which I formed part; for the moment a colossal stagefright seized me. l longed to cease to be- to vanish in complete self annihilation. But only for moment; then gathering the forces of the soul as every man
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
THE CELESTIAL ARMY

By Thomas Buchanan Read stood by the open easement
 And looked upon the night. And saw the westward going stars Pass slowly out of sight. Lowly the bright procession
 Went down the gleaming arch And my soul discerned the music
 Of their long triumphal march. And the great celestial army.
 Stretching far beyond the poles, Became the eternal symbol
 Of the mighty march of souls. Onward, forever onward,
 Red Mars led down his clan: And the moon, like a mailed maiden, Was riding in the van. And some were bright in beauty.
 And some were faint and small, But these might be in their great height The nobles of them all Downward forever downward,
 Behind Earth's dusky shore They passed into the unknown night. They passed and were no more No more. Oh. say not so.
 And down rwas g not just; For the sight is weak md the sense Is
 dim
 That looks through Aeated dust. The stars and ths nailed moon,
 ThouEh they seem to fall and die. Still swees with their smbattled lines An endless reaoa sky. And throush the hiiis of Death
 May hide the urig Tt array. The rlarshaied hrotierhood of soula Still keeps It's upward way. Upward forever inward
 sea thsir march sublime. And heaf the glorious music,
 Of the cons @pesors of Time And lors 'st me remember,
 That tiie pe4eSt faintest one May to the diviaer vision be gHsbh aisd blazinR sun
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

gave Judge Sharpe's legal opinions ex- ceptional value was the care with which he weighed evidence and his Iunerring insight into the complexities of judicial problems. And as coun- sellor the thoroughness of his investi- gation into the merits of any case, to- gether with his frankness and the soundness of his judgment rendered his services invaluable Such law yer is never without clients.
 Not only will Birmingham mourn Judge Sharpe's taking off, but the entire state will feel the loss. # 4 #
 "Europe.' says a bulletin of the Ma tional Geographical Society, does not equal one fourteenth of the land sur face and is less than one-fiftieth of the entire surface of the globe; yet upon it dwell 450, 900, 900 human beings
 more than one fourth of mankind"
 Is it any wonder that Europe finds it
 difficult to keep its house in order? 1 < ;s 4 l An imbecile examined in Mississippi
 thought a nickel worth more than a
 dime pgcause it was larger in size. Neither can be heard above a whisper nowadays.
 An airman has flown under the Arc de Triomphe in Paris Some or these days a new game may come into favor aerial croquet. 1, A bank robber sentenceds to die in
 Sing Sing has decided that he will let his lawyer appear The inevitable after
 thought. # x x I An Alabama officer who recently re-
 turned from France made Is visits to
 Paris Naturally he yawns and says l ''Ho, hum" when Paris is mentioned. # + z | Foch, Clemenceau, Haig. Pershing. Lloyd George and Woodrow Wilson
 don't believe that history is all bunk"
 They've made to much of it. 1 x # * ! What does 1t profit a soldier to fight the battles of democracy in Eu-
 rope and bring, home war bride. only to be gouged by American profiteers? | x as # 1 Has Governor Kilby forgotten the fact that he was once a poor boy him.
 self and accumulated by thrift and in
 dustry?
 Why should Alabama try to raise
 ent administration knows what to do
 with?
 ] It is predicted that the Prince of
 Wales will sa the styles for America
 Is that propaganda to make the Prince
 unpopular?
 | Why don't some of the jazz composers W rite a syncopated song entitled. The I Consumers Blues?" l # # #
 The possession of a private yacht will
 enable rich Americans to keep in touch
 with wet" countries < j. <
 The high cost of living has made l demc question.
 l * * * ] It is always very we'll to preach 1 optimism, but even optimism needs a little stimulation now and then.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
WHEN pERsHING RETURNS

From the New York World.
 General Pershing, it is announced, will sail for home about September 1. Plans are under way for a fitting re- ception for the commander of the American expeditionary forces in France. The people of this country eagerly await the opportunity to manifest their admiration and grati- tude for his distinguished Services in the war. Only Congress holds back As yet it has not been able to find time to act on the Presidents recoui- mendation that Generals Pershing and March receive permanent rank as gen erals.
 The British parliament is not so re- luctant to honor the great soldiers and sailors who have led it's armies aal fleets Besides being made ear.s, Field Marshal Haig and Admiral Beat ty are to receive grants of $50O,000
 Must General Pershing return to the United States a few weeks hence to face a. petty political fight in Congress as his sole reward? In common de- cency. cannot the politicians in the House and Senate rise to the occasion :?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
THE ROAR OF EXISTENCE

must and does at such times of crisis, leaped upon the rear of the great oc- casion before it was too late, crying: The world is a ship, on an unknown and dangerous commission. But I for my part. as a silly shipboy, will stand on the ratlines and cheer" I left the churchyard almost hilarious!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
THE WAY TO WEALTH

By Benjamin Franklin.
 they can scarcely be called the con- veniences; and yet, only because they look pretty. how many want to have them By these. and other extrava- gances the genteel are reduced to poverty, and forced to borrow of those whom they formerly despised, but who,
 through industry and frugality, havs maintained their standing; in which case it appears plainly that "A plous h man on his legs Is higher than gen. tleman on his knees" as Poor Rich-
 ard says
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
CLOSE OBSERVERS

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger. The New York democrats who dis covered that the commissioners fiOm
 Abyssinia were black men showed re- markable powers of observation for
 New York democrats.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
Paul Cook Quoted in Gaiety

While on my vacation in New York a few weeks ago." said Victor Bendersky advertising manager of the Burger Dry Goods company, "it was brought home to me how The Age-Herald is copied and quoted over the country. I had dropped in at the Gaiety theatre, at Broadway and Fofty-sixth street, and was glancrng idly through the programme when my eyes rested on the words: The Birming- ham geHerald.' For the moment thought it was an advertisement, but the next I was laugning over one of Paul Cooks little jok IS, winch they had re- printed. It sure made me realize what was missing, for I never fail to get a daily chuckle out of 'Adrift With the Times
 Yes, yes, I know what you are going to ask me-" Vic went on, and you can take it from me that little old New York |is very far from being dry. I don't talk so much from personal experience, though, as from observation"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
WOMEN JURORS oBEYED COURT

From the San Francisco Chronicle.
 Stockton, Cal-Justice L. M. Toal looked up over his glasses as the fore man representjng jury fo 1. women read the verdict, We, the jury in the above mentioned case. find the defend- ant guilty as charged. Disagree"
 What's that?' queried the astonished judge.
 Well, you told us to bring in yer dict of guilty or not guilty" replied the foreman, "and when we took the vote. six were for conviction And six against We didn't know what to do and we had to obey the courts order, so we brought in this verdict"
 Court adjourned" said the Judge. as he pondered over the efficacy of women jurors
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
SUGGESTIVE NAMES
From the Brooklyn Eagle.

MT. Pepper of New York, Mir Egg of Syracuse, MT Starch of New York, MT. Sugar of Chicago and MT. Salt of New Jersey are reported as register ing one day at a Baltimore hotel. Prob ably they are agreed that prices must remain high. Maybe they are holding secret convention Who knows?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
More Costs For County

Tt will cost the county between $5,O0u and s100oO annually and will entail an unusually large amount of work if the legislature passes the house bill No. 554, chancery division of the circuit court. This bill requires the sending of detailed reports of the circuit courts proceedings throughout the state to the chief justice of the supreme court in January and July. It will require the services of many additional clerks and stenographers .n- terrupt the machinery of the regular force of court house workers and hamper their work more than the legislators imagine"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
COLD COMFORT

From the Providence Journal
 New York paper prints a long arti- cle to show that the cost of living was higher 200 years ago than it is now, but somehow we get very little com fort from that
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
WHAT. INDEED.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
 What is there to be gained in being a bolshevist captain of the hosts If ones whiskers prevent him from eat ing corn off the cob?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
A HEAVENLY FLIvvER

From the Abingdon Argus
 A c. Donnelly has purchased a new Ford sedan--a crystal palace on wheels "a steamboat pilot house with rubber tired wings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
KIPLING AS A POET

From the New York Tribune
 Happiest, no doubt are such as calmly ignore the captious critic, who, if he can't start something, will quick ly subside. The battered and almost unrecognizable form of MT. Brownell having been rescued from the scene of controversy by the faithful Agnes" the foolhardy detractor of the author of Danny Deever' is now getting his.'' Is Kipling a poet? You are either are the question is immaterial. Elm erson said Napoleon captured the imag ination of the world because at heart all men are little Napoleons. And so at heart men are as Kipling knows them. They are as he says they are in 'The Feet of the Young Men" They understand the scene in Fultah Fisher s boarding house and the passions that famed with the flashing knives in the fight for
 '"The maid Altrudas charm The little silver crucifix
 That keeps a man from harm" They love to ride the raw, rough dun. with it's mouth of bell and the heart of he'll" and do Is Kipling a poet? Ask any man who has sighed to think that there ain-t no 'busses runnin' from the bank to Mandalay
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Wave of Unrest

wave OA
 The great wave of unrest, which is sweeping over Europe and the United States, in fact over the entire world. is of course. highly complex and based upon new conceptions regarding our so- cial. political and economic systems" said Henry Clews. of New York. "Un- fortunately, there is a flood abroad of unsound and impracticable ideas, which must either be tried out or combated by counter arguments in the field of tensely aggravated by five years of bitter war strain. Nations like indi- viduals have become weary, nervous and irritable, and the people are im- patient and too often quite incapable of thinking soberly.
 High cost of living is the common grievance, and opinions differ strenu- ously as to causes. It is. altogether too easily overlooked that many millions of men turned their energies from pro- ductive to destructive purposes, with the inevitable result of creating huge void in the supply of practically all the common necessities of life. For scarci- ty and consequent high prices. the one and the only relief is an increase in pro duction to lessen the scarcity which exists. No government regulation has ever been devised that can restore the normal so surely, and so easily as the unfettered operation of natural law"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

BEGINNING THE DAf-HOw shall | be what l want to be: If God gives me the dream, will He give it for mockery: Will he make me ashamed of my visions: Is not every dream a prophecy and are not visions promises from Godf If l have caught sight of the ideal, is that the earnest of its attainment! II. N. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11
Member of the Associated Press

For they say, if money lies before all ways do lie open.
 Merry Wives of Windsor.
 x * #
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Ag-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address
 THE AGE-HERALD,
 Birmingham, Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-11

A hurricane Tuesday morning almost destroyed the town of Ponce in Porto Rico. Eighty houses were demolished and several hundred unroofed. Cayey was leveled to the ground. Two hum dred persons are reported lost. Several other towns suffered. The coffee crop is believed ruined and it is estimated that the loss will reach millions. 
 Preparations on a large scale are be- ing made for the Alabama State Fair to be held in the autumn. Horse races will be a feature.
 Patrick Friel a we'll known white man, aged "A years, employed as a night watchman at the Birmingham compress, was murdered Wednesday night by un- known persons.