The weekly Alaska citizen., 1919-09-01
How Shall I Enter tain My Chauffeur?
By K. C. B. in Hearst's.

He told me and l said I'd take it.
 The suddenness of the termination of the transaction surprised the sales man somewhat and l think, too, that he was disappointed in that l had given him no opportuni. to display his ability as a sales agent. However. he recovered in a moment or two and asked what there was that didn't go with the car that needed in order to be fully equipped
 Pm going to leave it to you." 1 said. because don't know thing in he world about it myself"
 That pleased him and don't think he sold me all the things he mighl have sold me and probably would have sold me had 1 assumed superior knowledge. The only article l chose myself was a cigar lighter.
 In two hours and thirty minutes fiJ.n tue time l had started ou, to purchase q car had fulfilled my mis- sion and was on my way home. couldn't recall that had ever ridden in the make of car that had purchas- ed and when reached home couldn't tell my wife anything about it excepting that it was a gOod-looking ear and had white wire wheels and Nas going to have cigar lighter in it.
 The car was delivered to me within a week. In the meantime attended a class conducted by the maker of the car at which 1 was instructed regard
 lhc functions of the various part, of the car and also informed as to tar ing and stopping and the shifting of gears At the end of the week felt myself thoroly competent to run the car.
 took delivery of the car at the service-station. There, also, they loan- ed me Walter, a young man employed 
 much per hour. to see that the car reached the garage at which l was to keep it and remain with me for the few hours necessary for my instruc- tion on the road.
 From the service-station we went dir Iectly home where my wife wa5 waiting the advent of the new car. Then, with her as a passenger, we went out into the country somewhere and found wide road, and Walter and I changed seats
 Somewhere in my pocket l had q little yellow card, signed by the Sec retary of State, and for which I had paid one dollar. On its face it cprti- fled that 1 had been licensed by the State of New York to operate a motor vehicle.
 With this authority. took my place behind the steering wheel, pressed in the ignition switch, stepped on the
 If starter. threw off the emergency brake. pressed in the clutch and put the speed lever into first. Then l gave her little gas, threw out the clutch and started l had been taughi ali that in the class l had attended. Then gave it little more gas and went into second and a little more and into high. 1t was all very easy. And then stepped on the foot throt- tie and the car rose up from the ground and jumped forward and my wife yelled and Walter reached over and grabbed the wheel and l strengthened out, all unconsciously, so that I released the clutch and pressed home the brake and the car stopped.
 The cause of it all was another car that had advanced toward us while was giving all of my attention to my own car and none whatever to other cars or to the road. l presume the driver of the other car had a little yellow ticket in his pocket and was quite within his rights.
 From what he said when he had backed out of the ditch where he had voluntarily gone in order to keep away from me 1 gathered that if he had been the Secretary of State he wouldn't have given me the cardI l had in my pocket He was very rough man and talked more like the driver of a truck than the driver of a pleasure car.
 However, when the stranger who had suddenly thrust himself into our midst had departed we all grew calm again and agreed that Walter had bet ter go back into the drivers seat so that we might enjoy our first ride in our first car. And we did that.
 That night, or early the next morn ing at that hour when one can't sleep and ones sins and misgivings go paading by, ] saw myself in big green automobile with white wire wheels careening down a roadway and leaving in its wake things that had been little children and old persons ped by traffic policeman and show Fords And somewhere was stop ped by traffic policemtn and I show ed him my yellow card bearing the