The Washington herald., 1919-12-14

II
soNG-"YoU'LL FEEL BETTER
! THEN"
With lust OF pelf and lure Of gold.
You pirates, bold,
Hamstring the public with a rope.
. Bereft of hope.
But don't forget with fire you play,
There'll come a reckoning some day;
IL you, perchance, could honest be
You'd find 1t a good policy.
Now you listen to me.
Now you listen to me:
Chorus:
You'll feel better then. You'll feel
better then.
Within q short time you will see
Improvement from this policy
II this advice Is closely followed.
You'll feel better then. You'n feel
| better then.
Utopia you'll find at home
For pastures new YOU need not
roam,
I'll guarantee.
| CAPITALIST-Fellow pirates, the
mans right. There isn't a chance for
| US here.
| WALKING DELEGATE-Its the
truth. This isn't Utopia. this is he'll.
Come on home where we have an op-
portunity for our various talents.
wen carry on. we're on our way back
home.
Wen carry on. no further will we
roam;
In this place we find all things ideal,
We would rather have things real;
1 NT1t1N
Well carry on. and on the square
we'll play:
Wen be good and we will do no
wrong
Come along. come along. come along.
A MEMBER-Mr. President, / have
glad tidings. We have with us to-
night among our guests three of the
European members of the Council OF
the League of Nations who are in
| Washington awaiting the action of the
Senate on the Versailles treaty of
| peace. The first meeting OF the
/ league. you know, is to be In WASH
ington. l suggest that in accordance
| with Point Number One of the famous
! fourteen points they be invited to hold
/ the first session of The Council here
and now.
THE PRESIDENT-what is the
first of the fourteen points?
A MENBER-Open covenants openly
arrived at. VIII the members of the
council kindly come forward?
| A MEMBER-Mr. BuIlitt is not
| present?
ERICAN MEMBER-Is the
Senate of the United States present?
! lST CLUB MEMBER-A great many
| Senators are here.
AMERICAN MEMBER-Then let
/ the session proceed.
BRITISH MEMBER Ito Americana
\ Pardon me. may | ask who you are?
AMERICAN MEMBER-I am a citi-
Zen of the United States selected for
appointment to the Council of the
League of Nations when my country
enters the league.
sECRETARY-will you kindly. iden-
| tify yourself. sir?
! AMERICAN MEMBER-Oh, nobody
ever heard of me before
FRENCH MEMBER-Surely you
are not Col. House?
, AMERICAN MEMBER-Oh. no, the
! colonel was heard of before but not
/ since.
AMERICAN MEMBER-Mr. Secre-
tariat send for the George Washing
| ton.
FRENCH AND ITALIAN-oh, don't
do that.
BRITISH MEMBER-what Is the
| George Washington?
| SECRETARY-The George Washing
ton is the Ark of the Covenant?
AMERICAN MEM-Wen. IL we
don't get a quorum I'll send for the
! George Washington.
]
! tie the matter by giving the British
representative six votes.
! AMERICAN MEM.-Messengeriat
summon the George Washington i'm
| mediately.
! ALL THE oTHERs-oh. don't do
! that.
AMERICAN MEM.-Then summon
I Col. House
BRITISH MEM-Can't we compro-
mise by inviting the Honorable Henry
White to sit with US unofficially
without a vote?
FRENCH MEM-It will not be
strange for Mr.. White to have no
vote.
ITALIAN MEM.-who is Mr.. Henry
White?
| SECRETARY-He is the foremost
| member OF the Republican party Of
North America
ITALIAN MEM.-How long has he
been a Republican?
BRITISH MEM.-He has been a life
long Republican ever since Secretary
Lansing went to him and said:
| You're a Republican"
| AMERICAN MEM.-In consent to
sit without a quorum. but will make
! reservations to everything voted upon.
FRENCH MEM.-Are you a Senator
| Of the United States?
| AMERICAN MENU am not.
FRENCH MEN.-Then you are not
| privileged to make reservations.
AMERICAN MEM.-If you talk to
me like that I'll send for the George
Washington. We must make reserva-
tions for our own, protection. With
out them. what would be the situa-
ton? Would you send our boys to
Siberia? Would you send Medill Nc
| Cormick and Lawrence Y. Sherman To
Shantung? Would you send George
Fred Moses back to Greece as min
ister? Would you send John Sharp
Williams to Ireland? Would you send
Jim Reed to Ardmore. Oklahomae
BRITISH MEM.-But, my dear sir,
Is 1t not contrary to your Federal
Constitution for anyone who is not a
Senator to sit on any international
body-on a peace conference, for ex-
| ample?
FRENCH MEM.-Yes, and are you
q Republican or a Democrat.
| AMERICAN MEM.-I fulfill all thu