Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1919-01-01
AMEN BRETHREN
ARRANGE PEACE
AT GAY DINNER
Only Discord Is When Presi-
dent Sits on His Four
teen Points

the organization of the League OF Ma
tions and announced that he would re-
turn from Europe the moment he ana
Col. House and George Creel could get
foreign service chevrons sewed upon
their sleeves.
Cheers arose from 750 diners at the
Waldorf-Astoria when the President
took his seat at the peace table-im-
f.. mediately beneath the pulpit at which
sat Thomas +. Smith, president of the
Corner. As a background for the
President was a huge map of what
used TO be the world. but which ap-
peared then under the new name, Will
sonia.
Col. House had busted off the peace
table, and George Creel had set up a
motion picture camera when the Pres
ident took his seat. only to arise with
a scream. having failed to notice that
his fourteen points were on the chair.
"Creel, see that that portion of the
film Is destroyed" said the President,
and the historic event proceeded:
House--"I have some important
communications here
wilson-"What are they?"
House-"The first is from Lloyd
George. He appoints you his proxy
at the peace conference"
Wilson-"I accept. Go on"
Acts For All the Allies
House-"The second is from Pro-
mler Clemenceau. He asks You to
accept his proxy and represent
France"
Wilson-'I accept. Go on"
House-"The next is from Orlando.
He asks that you honor Italy by ac-
ceptlng his proxy"
Wilson, accept. Go on"
And Col. House went on, with proX-
les from Rumana, Greece and Serbia
When nothing appeared from Monte
negro. Portugal or Japan, the Presl-
dent remarked:
Bah! Burleson has been monkey
ing with the malls again. Well,
what's the first order of buslness?"
HouseA"The election ofa presiding
officer"
Wilson, accept"
House--"It seems to me this mat
ter of league of nations should be
disposed Of"
Wilson-"Assuredly. gentlemen. we
will now take up the formation of
league of nations. Has the represent
ative of Great Britain anything TO
suggest"
Wilson Gas Lloyd George)-"I have.
1T is that we select president of
the league"
"perbans NJ Clemencaau
will favor US with his views"
Wilson Gas Clemenceau)-'I can but
echo the sentiments OF NJ. Lloyd
Gecig ge."
wiIson-"signor Orlando. may we
not hear from you?"
Wilson (as Orlando) Whatever
the bunch does suits me-"
Own Views Unnecessary
Wilsou-"Gentlemen, since you are
in such thorough accord. it would be
fruitless for me to waste your time
by expressing my own views, even II
they differed from yours. Whom
shall we name as first president of
the League of Nations?"
President Smith--"Wilson!"
Wilson-"Thank you. Tom. That's
the only good turn Tammany ever did
me-
When Henry Morgenthau had ap-
miah OLeary for free Palestine. the
peace conference ended. with the
President, Col. House and Creel de-
parting for their chevrons.
The dinners fun started with the
appearance of the dog Al Smith
had prophesied he would take into the
Executive Mansion with him as Gov
ernor. The dog turned out to be a
tiger, and Governor Whitman was
h.. .te 10 tolE rn HFa11
of his greatness in the words OF
Richelieu
Then Mayor Hylan dropped In to
make n speech, which he did with so
much eloquence that several times he
looked up from his manuscript.
II can be with you but a little
while" the Mayor said, "as l have to
attend the motormen's annual ball
You know, before 1 was Mayor I was
said to be the best motorman tho b.
r. t. ever fired. There are lot of
people in the city tonight who regret
exceedingly that l was ever fired. but
no matter for that.
Never Such Mayor
"Far be 1t from me to boast or my
exploits in the realms of statesman
ship, but a friend of mine was talk
ing to another great statesman from
Washington, and this great statesman
said ne had Deen ali over lHe WOIlu
and he could say conscientiously that
he never in his life saw a big city
with such a mayor as Mayor Hylan."
Luther B. Little, of the Corner, took
advantage of a formal apology for the
failure to hold dinner last year to
indulge in comments upon a variety
of things.
"You noticed" remarked President
Smith, that Mayor Hylan has ap-
pointed Mr.. Hearst to welcome the
soldiers back"
"Oh. yes. but they'll have their gas
masks" replied Mr.. Little.
What do you think Mr.. Hearst will
saw to them?" asked Mr. Smith.
Bruce Bielaski tells me he'll prob
sbly yell Kamerad"" said Mr.. Lit
tie.
Chairman Hays, of the Republican
National Committee. and Senator
Lodge had a spirited colloquy, which
ended with the formers intimation
that in 1920 his party would run a
major general for President on a
Wood -alcohol ticket This paved the
way for the appearance. little later.
of the devi,. who learned for the first
time OF the coming of prohibition.
Vow, what In hell is a prohibition
biII?" he demanded.
why said President Smith,
".thats a law that prevents any one
getting n drink-if any one else
knows It,"
Devil Defines Prohibition
hnf