Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1919-12-15
GRIDIRON CLUBS
ANNUAL BANQUET
HELD At CAPITAL
Railroad Problem, Labor Situ-
alton, Suffrage and Other
Topics in the Public Eye
Furnish Subjects for tests.

/
| with public men and things at its
opening winter dinner last night.
Headed by Vice President Marshall
| cabinet members. ambassadors and
ministers of the diplomatic corps, and
| members of congress-, a large guest
| list included scores of men well known
| in public and private life.
| Nothing was spared Il ON the tradi-
! tional gridiron, The railroad problem,
prohibition, the labor situation, wom-
an suffrage, reforms and other topics
| in the public eye came in for their
share of good humored treatment.
Members of the club, principally
| Washington correspondents. took the
| parts Of the actors in the skits which
did the "gridironing' on these sub
| iects.
As the capital like the remainder
of the country, now has dry" ban
quets, or at least is supposed to, it
seemed appropriate that one of the
skits should be on m Moonshine.'
A company of moonshiners prepar-
ing some brew was shown and some
of the dialogue included the following
cabs
"A gridiron dinner is not the place
for that sort of thing"
There amt no place where it's
more needed"
Speaking of books on the subject.
| see by the papers that the .prohibi-
tlon enforcement agents raided the Of
ice of The Saturday Evening Post
and confiscated six installments Of
Henry Wattersons memoirs"
Has 1t got any kick in it?"
Kick, well you ought to see the
way It keeled over Morris Sheppard
and Wes Jones the other day"
Il see Vice President Marshalrs
here. Did YOU hear him order the sem
ate galleries cleared the other day
when we cheered Jim Reed?"
"Oh, yes, that's the Oldest Moon
shine around here"
~ suppose you read that Josephus
Daniels thinks he has a presidential
hoom2"
That's Moonshine off a green
cheese"
Speaking for the old solid demo-
cratic party ! nominate the best
known moonshine dispenser OF the
day Mr. VIII #. Hays, chairman of the
republican national committee"
ON behalf of the United States re-
puDncan. party, progressive and reac-
tlonary factions, | suggest there is no
finer oonnoisseur Of moonshine than
Mr.. Homer $. Cummings, chairman
OF the democratic national committee"
IL was decided to present both
chairman with a bottle of moon
shine" The bottles. they were told,
were "refillable.'
The. railroad skit dealt with 'un-
serambling the railroads" The actors
represented former Director General
McAdoo. Director General Hines and
An Investor.
McAdoo--'The late Mr. Morgan
said you cannot unseramble scrambled
eggs, He was wrong. by the exercise
OF a little magic to which we modestly
lay claim, we shall illustrate how the
railroads of the United States NAV he
scrambled and then in the twinkling
OF an eye. as 1t were, and so to speak
uhscrambled again. Can anyone loan
me silk hat. | shall return It prompt
and entirely undamaged."
tMan steps forward with silk hat,
zen.)
McAdoo--"I shall return it with its
pristine beauty untarnished."
lnYestor--"Pleaseh he careful That
bond" -
McAdoo--"Tut, tut,--have no fear
we shall not hurt 1t in the slightest.
| snail break this egg into the hat
So (breaks and drops egg and shell
INTO the hat.
Investor-"oh, my hat"
"Tut-tut,-sir. Hava M
fears, Trust me. Kindly turn your
back. What you don't see won't an
hoy you. Now we take another egg
ana break it-so. Now we take some
llour--add some coal-pour in some
OF this agreeable variety of ketchun
add a little sand,-and finish viii
z q dash of vinegar. Please don't groan
Mr. investor. 1t is all right. All these
inGfedlents are symbolic, gentlemen.
NOW we have the roads Scrambled
Thls completes my part Of the trick. ;
! ! shall now pass the buck-I mean
tne hat-to my friend MIR, Hines. who
VIII, in his magic way, with a few
passes produce the beautiful rabbit |
known as government operation and |
control, and return the hat undam-
a5ged 70 my good friend Mr.. Investor" !
tlnVestor groans.)
Hines Qooks at hat and pIares ot |
sl sMlcAdoo Il am deeply indebted to ,
Mr.. McAdoo for his trust and conf |
nence wish he had finished the !
trek Trick He hates the limelight ana |
lkeS to retire while the retiring is
good But to the trick. gentlemen.
Let me first cover the hat for aestbet.
G ana olfactory reasons. 1t is a liz
Lle messy Covers hat with hand. |
keTrehief, seizes wand.)
hlnes-'l now make these mystic
words-Hocus -pocus- 92O-BroGh-
.rhoods-as taught me by Mr., Nc
Adoo. Then / quickly raise the
'ioth and here we have-(starts back.
ooking nervous), All, l see, Mr.. Me
faoq forgot something. Let me add
md breaks another egg. Investor
sroans and tears his hair.)
Hines lcontinuing) = "Now, we
lave IT, Hocus--pocus- -1920-presx
o. CTakes up handkerchief, looks
starts back, rushes to McAdoo. say
HinesL"My God, Mac. I can't do
he trick"
McAAdoo-"That's your affair-not
Invastor ,tnI,. ~ -,
McAdoo--"Giv him back his hat"
do?" WIZ
!, MIcAsdIooI,,"oh, N! hand it back. He
Hines--"Here you are. sir (Hands
'ells) a."
Investor-"what a mess! Oh. my
lat! can't use it. l can't clean il. f,
can't sell it. l can't give ii
McAdoo and Hines-"Take IT I'm to
ongress. They'll fix it for YOU"
Both link arms, bow and go Offs
Investor-"Mr President, is q
rue. that ladies are always present al ,
iridiron club dinners? Then I'll
,ait ndtbIna Gntil ,ors ! get outside before say
The labor problem and its relation
o politics got brief touch'' in a
KIT wherein a policeman disturbed
ng maniac.
Who's he," was demanded.
Well" replied the policeman. "it
GEMS that few days ago he was
iaiteo on by the managers of his po-
tical party and informed that he's
cen selected to write the labor plank
D the next years PLATFORM"
There was another labor skit de-
rr.haa as the one llnndred and
! AConttpued on Page Two) VI