The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1919-03-14
LONELINESS AND
DEPRESSION WORK THEIR
WILL WITH ME

nlueblrd'a wives must have been
very primitive women. " they had
been even half civilized. presume
they would never have lost their
lovely heads. ! often thought Of their
sad, fate as | carried Dr. tcrtoiH
mysterious keys around with me.
often did look with smile at the
longest key. but never once dld
have the least temptation TO find the
lock which II fitted
Probably I ann only fair sample
OF the modern civilized girl who hndH
IL quite impossible 90 open other peo-
Pies letters, packages and closets.
was aware that CerteiN' desk con-
tanned the details Of scandal about
Daddy Iorimer. guessed n must
be that affair with the Queen OF
Smiles" but II was not for me 10 IN
veAtigaie Certainly. Mrs. Hubbard
would have saved her life " she had
lived today. bcunse well--it simply
isn't donc
hut l was lonely enough In the
great house, Just ms Mime. Blucbeard
had been In her castle long ago.
1 think my depression began with
the discovery OF the i3oishevisi STUFF
In the flies and the recollection
OF what f;loise had called Ger
tets. even got the notion
that Certeis might have gone
West 10 spread Boirhevist prop
not have been a Spy without having
been aspotted" by the govern
mont long ago. Moreover. Daddy
I.orimer was much too clever To be
deceived by n fraud Of any kind. This
was "A great comfort.
didn't want TO add Hamilton Ger
tets TO all my other disappoinimentH
In life.
/ suppose I must have been getting
morbid. Women fall into that mood
very easily always tried To AVOID
lt. hut a. the days dragged away IN
the lonely house. where ] hadn't
thing to do except file away political
papers that made me more aud more
doiefui. came ~ last 90 my zero
hour
began TO feel that I had been
ahandxned by all the people who
ought TO love mc. when. to tell the
truth. I had run away from most Of
tho things which make the average
woman happy
Twisting facts and feeling sorry
for themselves IN consequence j.
perNerrity OF women. ! suppose !
couldn't escape my share Of ~.
q L. gEsf "a
feeling that nobody cared for me
deeply. except ccrteia. and by all the
laws OF the land-hs the laws 81 my
own nature was forbidden 10 lind
rest on Ccrteis' heart. I was shut
out OF nnb'a heart. too My plan
10 WOO him hack again was losing
It, a,tractivcncAN u seemed such
hard work-and victory no uncertain.
Many times reviewed my strange
position In ccrtcis HON. and my old
relation TO Hob. couldn't shape any
I happiness for myself recognized
I my utter us~lesanc~A Nobody need
ed me That was wors. than having
no one 90 love me. ! wepi over my
, self and my WOES My heart hur,
drcadfuiiy.
I endured the same sort OF hurt. !
fancy. which makes ~ many lonely
girls want so end u all" I had
always been impatient with them.
iind thought them stupid and selfish.
Now ! know they are both. for that
IN what ! wns myself at the end Of
lonely. rainy Sunday few days be-
FOR" Certeta was expected home.
Certainly it was worse than stupid.
u was a sinful idea which came into
my head. but " had the thrill which
t. ~o often TO be found In SIN. Ny
/ temptation took this form;
you are dead IN theory. Jane Jor-
timer why not he dend IN fact7"