davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-08-31
The Funniest Men That Ever Lived
Intimate Sketches the
ties, Their Folies and Their Fobes
NO. 17-GELETT BURGESS


nm is humiliatng to look
NY back and see the fix
M this country was in un-
M - til Burgess took hold
eeS We had no goops. We
M had no purple cows
J. !. !.
IN Not man Jack of us
GG could tell a "burb"
>X.I from a bromide" Dull
kAA crude and unambitous,
Vs we were easily pleased
and the American of
y those days even APP
Nv peared satisfied with the
~ single pair of hands
nature gave him. it re-
n NAMED for Burgess to
demand additional
" " patron the knees No
wonder ranked as
mere second-rate Power. Our true
greatness dates from the moment when
Burgess, constructive, creative genius.
peheld our plight and flew to the res
cue.
1t has cost him dear. He aches frcyu
stem to stern whenever he thinks of pur-
pie kline, and there is more truth than
poetry. as Montague would say, in Bur
CESS enraged lines:
'Ah, yes. I wrote The Purple Cow!
I'm sorry now 1 wrote it;
But this I'll tell you, anyhow,
III kill you if you quote it.
Then, too, his goops are a great bur
den, for people keep asking fool oues-
tons. do. When he published his war
song of the Liverbone Goops' | inquired
why liverhone?"
Fretfully. he retorted, WHY nofer
hnaliy having pointed out the supreme
idiocy of being a bromide he often faces
the necessity of adopting strong meas
ures in order to avoid being one him
self,
He was sitting on my piazza when sud
denly terrific ranstorm swooped down
on us. The natural. ordinary common
place, bromide course of action was to
go in. Could Burgess? Impossible! King
of supplies. he, was forced to declare
It's God own rain, let's stay OUT"
But while certain of his endeavors to-
ward the betterment of our existence
have succeeded only too we'll and become
nuisance, certain others have fizzled
AS a social reformer, for example, Bur-
CESS has met with grievous disa ppoint-
ment Take his notion that whenever a
man sees pretty girl he ought to prance
up to her, and loudly proclaim the fact
Lacking the nerve, he got his sitter to.
One day, in Boston they sighted a per-
feet little beauty.
Egged on by Gelett Miss Burgess APP
preached the charming stranger and
said, BEG pardon. but you're far and
away the prettiest girl we've seen" The
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-08-31

Then, too, his goops are a great bur
den, for people keep asking fool ques-
tons. do. When he published his war
Song of the Liverbone Goops' l inquired,
..Whv liuerhrnre
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-08-31

'Ah, yes. I wrote The Purple Cow!
I'm sorry now 1 wrote it;
But this I'll tell you, anyhow.
III kill you if you quote il"
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Three Games For Biz
League Now Assured
Paia viii Put In One And Puunene-
Kahului Another Interest Warm
ing Up In National SpOrt-PraC-
tiCe Games To Be Played Sunday

The outlook for a good baseball
season is better than it was last
week. Since the meeting of the loca
ball magnates a week ago last Mon
day, it has become practically certain
that Paia will have a senior team in
the field, and that combination Puu-
nene-Kahului team will also be in the
league. These, with the Wailuku
team already assured, indicate that
there will be some good sport during
the coming season. 1t is probable
that there will be no junior teams
outside Of the three Wailuku teams
already reported.
The Paia team will be under direc-
ton of Foster Robinson Of J. NJ. Me-
deiros, while John Makahio and Will
liam McGerrow will be responsible
for the Puunene- Kahului aggregation
The candidates for places on this
last named team will be given a try
out next Sunday at Puunene when
the various positions will be filed
Hilo Trip Interests
The prospect of being asked to
send Il team to Hilo for the Fourth
of July is interesting the players of
Maui generally, and there promises
to be considerable rivalry for a place
on the All-Maui team that will be
picked for this trip, in case the plans
go through
Practice Game Sunday
Two junior teams will play a prac-
lice game on the Wailuku diamond on
Sunday. They are the All-Stars and
the japanese Athletics. The game
will probably be watched with con-
siderable interest by fans with view
of getting a line on coming players.
A meeting Of the athletic commit
tee of the Maui County Fair & Rae
ing Association will be held next
Monday evening at the chamber of
commerce rooms at which time steps
will be taken for framing a schedule
for the seasons play, and settling
other details.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Police Capture Highly Efficient Moon
shine Still In Plantation Camp
House In Active Operation Still
Most Complete
PGLICEMAN'S NOSE LED TO PLANT
G0ichi Was Making Good Proft On
Side Sheriff Expects Other Raids
Soon - SAYS Many Plants Are
Working On Maui

Business is picking up in the moon
shining business. That is, from the
police standpoint.
Yesterday afternoon Sheriff Crowell
and his sleuths walked into the home
of Sasah Goichi, an engine wiper and
an old-time employee of the Wailuku
Sugar Co., and came away with the
most complete distilling apparatus
that has yet come to light on Maui.
Also with Sasali and with several
gallons of high-power white lightning,
which the latter has produced from
rice with the aid of his still.
The raid came about through the
keen nose of Thomas Kreuger, of
the Wailuku police force, who report
ed TO Sheriff Crowell that he had
been attracted first by the smell of
beer" and following his nose, had
finally spotted Goichi carrying a
suspicious looking keg into his house
When the police descended upon the
place they found the still running full
blast, and dripping out high proof
spirits at the rate of quart an hour.
Well Made Apparatus
The still was made of two 5-gallon
kerosene tins, one of which stood up
on the stove and contained the mash,
and the other served as the conden-
Continued on Page Four)
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Woman Meets Quick
Death Under Wheel
Falls From Step OF Truck While
Riding TO Work And Dies Al
most InstantIy-Truck Was Over
crowded At The Time

Slipping from the step of an auto
truck on which she was riding to
work, on Wednesday morning, Mrs.
Aoki Takahei an employee of the
Waikiki Sugar Company, fell beneath
the vehicle and was instantly killed.
The accident occurred on one of the
plantation roads a short distance
above the main government road at
Waikapu.
The unfortunate woman had left
her home in Wailuku about o'clock
in the morning with other cane cul-
livators, and had been carried to
Waikapu by a big plantation truck.
There the gang transferred to a
small converted Ford truck to be
carried some half mile or more from
he main road to the fields where they
were to work. The little truck was
badly overcrowded, according to the
"epOrts of witnesses, from 20 to 80
having piled upon it, while a number
If others who could not get on were
walking the rest of the distance.
The victim of the accident was
standing on the step beside the driv-
er's seat, and when she slipped or
stepped off her body shot under the
truck and one hind wheel passed
across her shoulder and neck. An
autopsy revealed that the death was
due to a fracture at the base of the
skull, probably caused by the fall.
The truck was being driven by Joe
Rodrigues, and was in charge of Joe
Jorrea, Sr., the luna. 1t had but just
started and was running very slowly
nd on smooth road, when the accid-
ent occurred. No blame attaches to
anyone so far is known, other than
through the overcrowding of the
truck.
The woman was about 20 years of
age and is survived by husband. 1t
was her first days work in the Wal
kapu section. An inquest is being
held this afternoon.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Several, However, Stick And Draw
Good Lots Everybody Had Chance
On Account Of Those Disqualified
Or Faint-Hearted
SEVERAL LOTS REMAIN UNTAKEN
HOmesteaders Form Association For
Mutual Help Charges Against
Growing Cane Crop VIII Re $50
Per Acre
Especial to Maui News)

HILO, March III. N. X. Keola,
Of Wailuku, Maui, was one of the
lucky ones in the selection of Waia-
kea homestead lots last week. He
selected homestead lot No. 1905 and
house lot No. 401-5. Although not
high on the list Mr. Keola got very
good lot for the reason that a very
great number did not appear to claim
their lots, or were disqualified.
Several other Maui applicants for
some reason did not see fit to make
selections although they had oppor-
tunity to get excellent lots. Two
sisters, the Misses Pinheiro, of Ma
kawao, both had rights for early
choices and were present at the sell
ections but decided to forego their
opportunity. One of the girls had No.
20 and the other No. 80. While there
were but 1873 lots in the tract, so
many dropped out for one reason or
another that the numbers were still
lots untaken when the entire list of
over 1000 numbers had been called.
Others Who Took Lots
The following Maui people also
were on hand and made selections as
follows:
Moses Kauhimahu, Wailuku; Laura
Continued on Page Five)
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Unless Popular Pressure Is Over
whelming Measure Certain To Be
Defeated - Much Confusing Of
Issues
FIGHT TO SAVE COMPENSATION BILL
Lahaina May Get Another Park And
Public Building - Federal Farm
Loan Resolution Passes House
Tourist Bureau Advocated
BY HOWARD d. CASE

Especial Correspondent Maui News.)
HONOLULU, March 19-If any
weight is to be given reports now in
circulation in the legislative halls,
nothing short of a compromise can
save the woman suffrage bill from
complete defeat in the house of rep
resentatives. According to the pres
ent alignment of the opposition, there
are ample votes to lay the measure
away in the grave for good and all,
at least as far as the 1919 session. Is
concerned.
The principal opposition is being
voiced by the outside island members.
Representatives Brown, Joseph, Pas
choal and Waiaholo of the Maui del
egation have been voting against the
measure. Representatives Tavares
and Kaumeheiwa have been support
ing it. Reports in the lobby have it
that politics is back of the entire op-
position, and it is not difficult to see
that the opponents are holding over
the measure an AK that it likely to
fall at any moment unless there is a
compromise.
Would Ball Up Politics
1t is asserted that the passage of
the woman suffrage bill, thus allowing
the weaker sex to vote Immediately
would be simply throwing a wrench
into the political machinery of the
outside islands, which, it is claimed
is well-oiled and scheduled to run
along certain cut and dried lines, al
the coming primary and election. Civ
ing the vote to the women at present
it is claimed, would batter these pur'
Continued on Page Six.)
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Debate On League OF
Nations Next Week
Interesting Discussion Planned For
Wednesday Evening Under Aus
pices OF The New 4-Minute Club
Public Is Invited

The Maui Four-Minute Mems Club,
a new organization which came into
being last week, and which is COM
posed of the men on Maui who served
the government as speakers on the
war in Maui theaters, has arranged to
give a public debate on the proposed
League of Nations, next Wednesday
evening. The discourse will take
place at the Kahului Community
House, and everybody interested in
this greatest of present world prob
lens is invited. 1t will be free.
The question, as it will be debated,
is-"Resolved, That the proposed
League of Nations will not be for the
best interests of the United States"
The affirmative side of this PROPOSE
ton will be taken by E. r. Bevins
and Judge L. L. Burr, and the mega
tive, by OH. Case, and Rev.J. Charles
Villiers. The affirmative side will
, open and close the discussion.
Time Strictly Limited
Each speaker will be given Is
minutes in which to make his argu-
ment, and the committee in charge
announces that this time limit will be
strictly enforced. A warning bell
Will be rung at the expiration OF II
minutes, and at Is minutes it will be
rung until he sits down. This restric-
tion was decided upon in fairness to
the other speakers and for the sake
Sof the audience.
At the close of the formal debate it
is proposed to have a number of g.
minute talks by others who may care
for the privilege, or for asking ques-
tions.
Nations To Be Represented
Under direction of Supervising
Principal II. M. Wells, and Miss
Orchard, it has also been arranged
to have a number of young ladies
represent in costume the five princi-
pal allied nations-the United States,
Great Britain, France, Italy and Jap
an, and these will sing a verse of the
several national songs or anthems.
The debate is to begin at s o'clock.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Four Boys Who Robbed Len Wal
Store And Planned Bank Robbery
As Start On Career As Bad Men
Are Included
TRIAL JURY CALLED FOR MONDAY
Juries May Be HeId For Balance OF
Year If Continuous Court Term
Bill Passes Soon In Legislature
Other Investigators Possible

The second circuit court grand jury
which was convened for the March
term of court on Wednesday morning,
completed its work the same day and
was excused for the time being, but
not discharged. 1t is stated that
other matters are likely to be brought
to the attention of the inquisitorial
body before the court term ends.
There is also a possibility that the
bill now in the legislature creating a
permanent court term for Maui, the
same as in other parts of the terri
tory, will become law before the
present term ends, in which event the
jury panels drawn for the March
term will continue to serve until the
end of the present calendar year, sub,
ject to call from time to time as oc'
casion may warrant.
Seven Indictments
The criminal calendar will be short
this term, only indictments being
returned by the grand jury. No cases
of mo bill'' were reported.
OF the indictments found two are
for the quartet of Lahaina boys who
burglarized the Len Wal store, Laha
ina, some months ago for the purpose
of securing firearms with which to
hold up the officers of the Lahaina
bank, which later plans fell through
The other cases are of minor i'm
portance.
The following are the prestments
returned as true bills:
Territory of Hawaii VS.. Torasir
Yamamoto and Alfred Vierra, burg
larry 1st degree.
Territory of Hawaii VS.. Kealoha
CONTINUED on Page Three)
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Are The Philippines
WithinUnitedStateS?
County Attorney BeyinS Thinks They
Are And Accident Board viii There
fore Try To Secure Compensation
To Widow And Children

The question of whether or not a
resident of the Philippine Islands is
an alien, or whether the Philippines
are outside of the United States,
within the meaning OF the workmen's
compensation law, may be definitely
settled through case now before the
Maui industrial accident board.
The case in question arises from
the death of a Filipino laborer nam
ed Ramundo Magbaleta, on the Kipa-
hulu plantation, on September Is,
1917. The man was working at re-
pairing a flume on trestle between
$50 and 200 feet high across a ravine,
when a timber on which he was
standing broke and he fell into a
pool of water below. The body was
not found until the following day,
when an autopsy disclosed that the
mans skull had been fractured.
Although the deceased was reported
to have had a wife and two children
in the Philippines, the company, on
advise of the insurance company, de-
clined to acknowledge any liability
compensation on the grounds that the
dependents We're aliens not living in
the United States.
County Attorney Disagrees
County Attorney e. r. Bevins op-
posed this view in an official opinion
given some time ago, in which he
holds that the Philippine Islands are
not outside of the United States with
in the meaning of the law.
At the meeting of the industrial
accident board held last Tuesday,
certified copies of a marriage certifi-
cate and of officials of the Philippine
Islands, sent through the Governor
Generals office, were filed indicating
that the deceased is survived by a
widow and two children, at Badoc,
Ilocos Norte, p, l., and that they are
in dire poverty.
The board instructed that steps be
taken at once to have a settlement
made for the benefit of the depend
eIs, with view of testing the status
of Filipinos in the courts if necessary.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
2-Cent Postage Again
In Effect On July |

by the postoftlce department that the
old rates of 2-cent letter postage and
1-cent postal cards will go into effect
again on July l, in accordance with
act of congress approved February
"a. All postmasters are directed to
make provision for disposing Of their
surplus Scent stamps and 2-cent post
al cards before that time, and to sup
ply themselves with the new issues.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
REV. AND MRS.
PLEASANT DEPART
Continued on Page Four)

Rev. and Mrs. E. e. Pleasant, of
Kahului were given an impromptu
farewell on last Monday evening be-
fore they started for Lahaina TO take
the boat for Honolulu, enroute to the
coast to spend a several months vaca-
ton. A large crowd of their friends
gathered at the Kahului community
house, and waved their alohas as the
popular couple drove away. They
were passengers from Honolulu on
Wednesdays Sachem for San Francis
co.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
Unless CrOatian Seaport Is Promised Them Now
Delegates To Peace Conference Threaten To
Withdraw 80 Evidently Situation Is Serious
FOCh Demands Control OF Rhine District For
France - House Defeats Compensation Act
Amendment Reform School Board Resigns

(By The Associated Press)

PARIS March 2The Italian delegation the peace confer
has decided withdraw the unless Fume
assigned Italy contempoaneous with peace
The decision reached meeting of Iays full delegation
with Orlando presiding The Immediately communicated
to the other powers.
COL House promised Orlando project
the Italian Sav which
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
AUSTRIANS MAY WANT INDEPENDENCE OF GERMANY
ThnAs atndpr

LONDON March German Austria according Berlin
papers, has expressed the desire for independent representation the
conference 1t also the question of union with Germany
postponed until the conference concludes its work.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
FOCH DEMANDS CONTROL OF RHINE
(By The Associated Press)

PARIS March 2l'he Rhine is only good line Of defense
do demand its but if do mil
frontier have fought vain This made by
General Foc according the Paris Nan In discussing the
of the he adWonderu soldiers gave the victory We
the spite the of crushing the German
armies avoid killing because everything
necessary o a French victory
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
McVEIGH RENAMED MAGISTRATE
AT MOLOkAl SETTLEMENT

John D. McVeigh, superintendent of
the Molokai Settlement, was reap
. pointed by Governor Mccarthy last
week for another two years term as
second district magistrate Of Kalau-
papa.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21

BASEL, March 2-The president of the German armice
mission has presented the nerAed delegates asking
Germany consider the British and French
that the peace treaty will be ready Germans
dent Wilson has approved but that Germans will
discuss modify the document
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21

CBy The Associated Press)

HONOLULU March 2OThe board of industrial schools today
Governor Mccarthy rendering
ons and declaring that many conditions which the grand jury cited
had been long known and had been presented the of
governor and legislature many but that funds denied
improvements thus leaving them helpless The board also
mendatons for of the boys school, 1t said that
Ashman Beven chairman of the grand investigating committee
had applied for former superintendent Anderson job and had that
time been elected.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
HOUSE DEFEATS REACTIONARY BILL
(T}y The Associated Press)

HONOLULU, March 2O-Voing 10 A. the House finally
aed Andres bill giving injured employees the choice accepting
compensation industrial accident board bringing
damages for injuries. Representatives and
Rawlns vigorously attacked the measure saying designed
restore o lawyers the old so damage suit business.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
NEW CITIZENS, GOING TO COAST FAST

HONOLULU March 2OThe Japanese soldiers which Judge
Vaughan recently naturazed California fast they
can obtain passage
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
ST. PATRIcKs DANCE A SUCCESS

The ST, Patricks Day dance at The
Grand Hotel last Monday evening was
IA most enjoyable affair for some 40
couples who kept the excellent floor
warm until long after midnight. The
dance was one of the largest affairs
of the kind to be held in Wailuku for
some time.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
(By The Associated Press)

HONOLULU, March 2-Major H. Gooding Field will take vi
with District Attorney Huber between 500 and 900 Hawai-
who deserted wfu evaded the Many prosecution
expected
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
EASY REMEDY-GET NEW CREWS
D. Arrn tnd
(By The Associated Pr

BERLIN, March 2lTwo of the scheduled sail in
according with the of Germany and Allies food commits
have been prevented from leaving Hamburg by refusing
the ships demanded by the Entente.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
(By The Associated Press)


PARIS, March 2he chamber OF deputies Of LlNemburg
independent autonomy the grand ducy
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21
FOOD PRICE DECLINE SLOWLY

WASHINGTON, March 21Food prices declined percent
the ending February l5 still percent higher
a year ago, and Is percent higher than in 1913.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21

Associated
BASEL, March 21The German submarines Hamburg
to be delivered to the Entente.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21

THE ADVERTISEMENTS IN THE
MAUI NEWS THIS WEEK ARE
WORTH STUDYING CAREFULLY.
THE FIRMS WHO ADVERTISE IN
THE MAUI NEWS ARE THE ONES
WORTHY YOUR FULLEST coNFi-
DENcE.
The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current, 1919-03-21

MAUI PEOPLE READ THE MAUI
NEWS BECAUSE 1T GIVES THE
NEWS OF MAUI COUNTY AS NO
OTHER PAPER DOES. THIS IS
THE REASON DISCERNING AID.
VERTlsERs USE ITS COLUMNS.