The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-03-03
MEN, WOMEN
 AND THINGS

downtown at night:
 do not have to plead that a lodge meeting detained me, or that church conference called me or that a friend was passing through the city and l had to show him some courtesy or any of the other excuses which from time immemorial have been used by hus- bands to fool or appease their wives.
 It's gotten so that towards twilight when I go to the telephone to talk with my home it matters not which member of the family takes up the re- ceiver, I am not given time to state my case, but am quietly informed, "I'll tell them not to wait supper, that you have been present at dinner or banquet
 It's got to be such a joke that my namesake, who for years had boldly announced that when he got grown up he was going to be a railroad man, informed me awhile back that he had changed his mind and was going to bs dn eullOT, IOi tHCy SpCho ehS'i at breakfasts, dinners, suppers or ban duets, and he would at least be sure of something good to eat.
 Boys have curious ideas, for any old newspaper man with a sob and a sign will tell you that newspaper work wouldn't be so bad if fellow'>didnt have to cover the various "eatfests' where the same thing is served day after day, and one hates the sight or a bill of fare which never varies year in and year out. I have heard some or the older men admit that it wasn't such a punishment in the days when drinks were served
 Now, am not going to pretend tha. I am a pessimist when it comes to filling chair at any of the many an" ners and banquets that are pulled off. for nature has given me cast iron stomach which so far has been able to allow me to eat with impunity tho same old standbys which appear on all festive occasions. I can do 1t WltF modicum of pleasure.
 Having so often bored other people with my after-dinner speeches I have developed a large sympathy for those who have to respond to the many toasts, and because I know how hard it is to get away with the same old Jokes to the same old crowd of ban" otnrc a m, the applause and help a friend to score a hit.
 out a programme and in the selection of the speakers double care should be taken in the selection of the toast master. for if he is on to his job fe can frequently save the evening by manipulation or wit just as some hos tesses can do when their dinner guests have been unfortunately placed.
 
 If you jump to the conclusion that just any woman can give successful dinner parties because her husband happens to have a long purse, you are mistaken, for the ideal hostess is born and not made. It's a gift, and to watch real artist at work is about as pleasurable as watching a starNon the stage. It takes ability and tact of a high order to keep a dinner party from dragging.
 was at a dinner the other evening and sitting at the speakers table overheard a 10-year-old boy say, Dad dy, what is toastmaster? Is he the man who passes the toast?" His bus mess it to pass the buck" and pass it so fast that no one can catch him in the act. We have few past mast CTS In the toastmaster business here in Birmingham. I will not name them for the professional dinersout know them and are happy when they see them at the head of the table, for they know they will make things happen lively
 I heard a friend of mine who was just beginning to sprout mustachc get off thing which stuck in my memory although it was pulled before reached my majority. I was visiting a lovely little city in Alabama where it was the custom for the young meu to call on the girls on Sunday after. noon, and by the way, it was mighty happy. idea. I dare say some of you fellows who read this will recall with pleasure the joy you used to get out of the innocent pastime before you came to the big city and put on city airs. I calf remember when it obtained here in Birmingham.
 My friend had two sisters in the higl; school. They were pretty and popular and in the old days mothers let their daughters go with boys at tenderer ages than they do at present. But somehow it got noised abroad that the parents of my friends sisters did not approve of the young men calling on Sunday afternoon. They had been heard to remark as much, and for bit the boys passed up the lovely sis ters. It was then that my friend let the cat out of the bag, He said Eel lows I am going to give mother away It's true she fusses when you come round on Sunday afternoon. but she fusses a lot more when you fail to show up"
 Now. I began as if I was a bit blase on dining out. but I admit that when