Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1919-07-09
SEEN ON THE SIDE
ny HENRY EDWARD WARNER
Up Grade.


when man stands by his job and simply swears-
When no odds what he tries his best to do.
Some muttonhead would block its going through.
That's upgrade Stuff--the hardest human done
The blight on energy. tho curse Of hope;
But he who srlns. who might get sore instead
VIII md some way to squash the muttonhead
When COINS level on rolling hills
And airs not debt and mortgages and bills
When half a chance is given one to strive
And duly thank the Lord that he's alive
There is feel. no matter what his task
That he an pay all that the world must ask:
But when he's pulling like willing horse
Comes muttonhesd and starts TO grease the
course.
On Ines tobogsan. plenty grease the slide
For him who failed but who so bravely tried:
FOLKS hall way up and at the foot delight
In adding grease to speed the luckless wight
Who may themselves not reach the top. stand by
with obstacles to throw those who try
And so II goes man clinsing 10 his brother
Who cannot climb with glee Will block another
Politics.
Yes in my home we have clearly defined
lines OF policy. I'm the Liberty par.y and my
wife Is the Conservative party"
HIM That's not a bad idea at all And
how do you come to an agreement-by fusion"
mo indeed; my mother.in-aw is The People
holding the balance of Power.
II remember. when ! little girl" said
the coy spinster with the rousey lips u &c
member"
"oh, that's right Auntie." exclaimed the utt,c
darling, who always butts in; tell US about
General Lafayette"
Consolation.
so your Son is poet" sa,a the Friend
Yes, he is Poet said the o,a Man lifting
his chin.
Well, we'll" murmured the Friend patt:nr
him gently on the back, you must be brave
be brave! He might have been burglar"
a Faci!e writer can say more in one line
than h. can retract or explain in column.
Mother
Yes, john"
say, you gotta keep the children quiet or
I'll so to church: 1 can't get a wink OF sleep
here"
Tabooed.
In whatever references may be calling
upon to make TO the so-called fair sex, we
hencetorth respectfully decline to make any
use whatever Of ta) eyes that spar~Ie like dia-
monds tb) eyes like the stars. (c) teeth like
pearls, td) alabaster brow. (c) checks OF
peaches and cream. (f) swan-likc nec,e
We also refuse to refer to sylph-l,ke waists,
unless applied exclusively to sylphs. and we
don't know any. This spelling OF by
ridiculous extravaganza has gone far enough.
Omit the foolish persaage:
Nope MnbIe!
No use telling old that youth has
10 SOW his wild
Digging 1t Up.
We have been asked TO reprint that famous
suggested Of the stranded actor TO the home
ward-bound drummer, they strobe the
feeling crossties between Denver and Chi
caEo via Burlington route:
Percy"
"Well?"
i've just been thinking, il we had ham
we could cook ham and eggs. II We had
some eggs
Domestic Science.
"What'ii be afther making today, Misuse"
inquired The cook.
Take that ham bone" said the lady. "cut
up a little of the Clipped beer, mix in that
half OF of sardines from yesterday and
lake some chicken crcquettes"
So many people think who only think they
think.
The early bird the early worm will take,
I've heard,
But II the early worms hungry snake.
Poor bird!