davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29
RIPPING RHYMES
By Walt Mason
HUM0R.

If one has humor in his makeup he is the darling
child Of luck for all the troubles life can make up slide
off like water from duck If humors in your compo-
stion you laugh where other fellows swear and no ad-
venture condition fill your bosom with despair All
me- pity some poor mortas who cannot laugh at their
own grief you cannot make them think that ehortels
bring to our aoubes quick relief They're always prompt
to laugh at Others they see the fun in neghbors cares
they laugh when they behold their brothers go falling
down nine flights Of stairs But their giefs another
matterthere nothing humorous in that they hand out
grevous groans and spater all kinds of tears around the
fiat 1t is not humor that inspires you if you a-la at
others woe, while your own trouble only tires you an
makes the well known briny flow If you can laugh At
your cwn troubles you have true humor in yolr heart
and you look as bubblesyou have save for
every smart
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

81 suppose you were looking for
met" he said.
81 was looking for a Dewdrop Fairy.
| am sure you are onen
"Oh, yes. came 10 see you this
morning because our Queen tola ne y"~
were young lady who liked to hear
about all the vegetables in the garden.
I don I think we have met bsf0re But
perhaps you have noticed me. -
Glow could / notice you If We have
not met3'' asked Dolly.
"Well-perhaps your nose-but never
mind" said the Fairy. cit is very
warm for this time Of the year. Don t
YOU think so4" And he took off his
cap.
Dolly almost gasped. He was quite
luldl Not a hair on his headl And his
lead was white--iust as white as could
6c.
"Oh, " thought Dolly. lie hasa Z
got a hair on his head--he hasn't aEy
more hair than-than an onion. Oh, I
believe he is an 0nionl
fOf course, l am, said he Fairy.
Dolly had forgotten they could read her
thoughts.
Il am sure it looks very nice and
and cool, " she said.
'Oh, am cool cnough-to look at. -
syld the onion. "But / am good ata
warm inside, as you will soon find out
when you cat me. y
Eat you'll cried Dolly.
"Of course. That is what we are for
ism 7 itl / am sure my plant IS not very
beautiful, although when it is in seed
the tops are quite pretty. But we don I
90 in for looks as much as some p'srts
the peas for instance. But We are
very useful. y
~ like spring onions, (" said Dolly.
eyes. in the spring we haven't any
heads.
"lIow dreadful-no heads"
Nou know that. We are just sraight
little stems then. But after a while We
get heads, and they are good ones
"Oh, do some Of you have red
hcads"'
eyes. And those are the best KIND
to keep all winter. But any of us are
pretty good for that. y
Dolly had heard great deal about
onions because her brothers, Bob aud
Billie, were soldiers in the United
States School Garden Army. Both boys
v ere helping to raise garden, and on
ions were among tn. first vegetables
planted.
(To Be so rita led
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

get out in the open air. 1 thought if |
could get the sunshine into my blood,
and the fresh air into my lungs, L
would be better able to cope with
things.
And / dii feel better. Happier and
more balanced than ! have been fer \
week. rode home on the top of a bus.
II is always the way TO forget oneself.
For, when yo1 are with people you can
see that there are many others who are
far more unhappy than you. Your own
problem is lightened in the thought
that YOU are not alone.
/ was leaning over the side of the
bus Idly ] watched a big gray motor
glide past ms. Then heard deep
voice. voice with that enhancing
touch Of the Irish in il.
cts luck today that brings me
here.
I turned euriously. It was Captain
Donovan who grasped the back of my
seat He was in his immaculate uui-
form. a target for women s eyes. l was
rather proud, Just vain perhaps, when
he sat down beside me.
"'Where have you hidden yourself
the whie2" he asked. 1t was clever
of him TO infer that / had kept myself
away. But ii was in keeping with his
mellow voice and charming manner.
"And you9n l asked.
"In camp, little LADY, he ans
wer1d, Except for the last few days
Soon We were leep in discussion Of
the Merle house party.
CLOVIS your friend Tom9' he ask
ed.
"Oh. Tom is well, T" answered in
differently. And thought to myself,
why Toni"
But his next words sent wild pain
piercing through me.
"I've been having a bad time, 4
bad time with Merle, y he said.
"With Merleli j asked. feared he
would notice the ,trembe n my voice.
eyes, it's one Of his attacks again.
It's a bad one he's been having With
the snakes crawling up the wall and
-
For a moment I felt as if were
going 10 lbSt tuHHNlhuoufoNs dfhA : o"AAA
to myself, "I won I, l won T. - Tho
blurred world became real.
eco on, | said earnestly.
"And that about all, - he said, sa-
lnting as a private passed "I've beea
keeping him in my rooms. He seems to
be worried about something. He keeps
saying, / must be there, tell her--'
IN sorry for the girl, Captain Dono-
van said, looking at me,
"And are you tiredH You look 50
white -
But / shook my head at him and
said, "0h no, captain, no. "
The captain left me shortly. He said
he wanted to see me before he sailed.
somehow reached home. | scarcely
know how.
SO it is settled. Settled finally and
| have only to tell jim.
Tomorrow-Th bitter decision.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

n R. Moore of the Corvallis Gazette-Time and the
publisher Of the Salem Morning Mummy ought to 90
back east and look after their black and tan brethren
The nggers are rOtng Washington Chicago and other
places and sashng with razos They are so modest and
shy and altogether unassuming according to these adv
Gates OF race equality that something very much out of
the ordinary must have happened to stir them up Pos
Slby some movie manager has shown the Birth Of the
Nation on the screen and the immediate result is that
mere are Tazors flying in the air. the nggers patriotism
being easily injured so Moore the Mormon missionary
says and many of the MormOns being nggers he ought
to know Anyway the colOred race is on the war p9th
Just now and is keeping the police forces Of many cities
busy making good niggers
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29
ADS

With timid aud afrighted eyes
/ read the ads, and, when | read EN-
And all tho things they advertise.
suddenly find out ! need 'em.
Fresh needs [ We never known before
Imperial my hard earned per diem.
sean the list and, what is more,
SO and buy 'em.
saw an ad about a farm
Affair from urban roar and rattle,
Where one may know the sylvan charm
OF growing fields and lowing cattle.
II spoke Of birds upon a bough
Which pipe muutinal thanksgiving
read that ad three times sand now
That 8 whore I'M living.
An automobile al one day
somehow attracted my attention;
II dwelt in an alluring way
On spiral gears and frame suspension
II walked thirst to own that ear,
And the TOR weeks and weeks /
fought it,
You know What witehing things ads
are
At last I bought IL.
The men who write the ads must be
Well yepscd in some hypnotic system;
They have a weird effect on me,
simply never can resist 'cm.
They We dissipatcd an my roll
For things they We sold to ME, dod
rot em.
Expensive things on the whole,
m glad We got en-.
James j. Montague in Post Intelli-
aeueen
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

Aeeefding 10 Secretary Glass Sl6a,
6s2 6a6, IN federal reserve bank notes
and - ia3qg2.4 .46e in federal reserve
notes were in circulation July /.
Yellow Bull, one of Chief Joseph =
strongest leaders In the Indian war OF
1877. has just died vt Rock springs
Idaho, az the age Of ,oi years.
The zine plant Of the Anaconda Min
ing company, al Great Fails, Mont en-.
ployiug 500 mon. was closed down be-
cause Of large surplus Of zinc on hand.
Beia Kun, derosea heid q the nula-
pest soviet government, has asked The
allies for a safe conduct q the Argsn-
tine Repablg, where he iHl uds living.
By an amendment fs the agricultural
bin homesteaaefs whose
efeps have been DESTROYED by drorth
Win be granted temporary leaves Of
absence.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

what farce that antpreparedness drive was And vet
how dangerous!
Money is power, perhaps the greatest of powers.
Money nowadays power largely because confers the
aolty TO weld publicity on big scale What could
Ford Rockefeller not do if he were to devote an hi;
millions persistenty to exploiting some wrong cause?
TINS IS peril against which the public hereafter must
protect itself
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

Inc telephone company wants raise of rates because
H has been forced to raise wages Yes but what about
the fact that the telephone company he Bell sysem has
been paying larger dividends than any other large con-
ce in the country except the Ford Motor Corporation
and Sears, Roebuck Company the mail order concern?
Shouldn't the ovepaid multimonaire telephone stock
holders stand for of this wage advance instead of
saddng it all upon the public? Their subscribers should
at least refuse to pay any advanced rate until ordered
by the public service commission to do So and that order
should not be issued until thorough investigation of the
profits of the telephone company has been undertaken
and completed by the commission
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29
TELECRAPHIC TABLOIDS

Lorrain, Ohio-This here gambling is
bad business, the two town sports
found. They rolled the dice for a pot
of four cents when the police came.
Fines and costs totalled s4.90.
Dover, Del-An order to burn the
court house here to get the IRON nails
used in its construction was issued
February ., l69l-aeeording to papers
just found.
Chicago When he gets in the mood
again, Stanley Malinowowsh will prob
ably choose some other part Of his an
atomy When he shot at his own head
the bullet only glanced off.
San FraneiseO-Mrs. C. NJ. Fuller s
dream Of her auto, driven at lightning
speed, eolliding with an airplane was
so vivid that She broke her ankle fan
ing out Of bed.
Portland, Or-Disregarding the fact
that she "a under 2l, Fannie LaYedio
smoked a cigarette in public. Now the
morals squad has her.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

Fremont, ohio.-Farmers picked war
cruelons off telephone and telegraph
wires here. They were not burbanked
there but simply thrown up in a fruit
truck collision.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

ut too bad" said young officer 'that everybody
in this country couldn't have had the experience Of SER
vice overseas and of living in those countries and among
those people Anybody who did will never need to be told
again that the United States is the finest country on
Gods green earth!" And yet lot of unwashed, long
haired wdeyed thorsts are always wanting this country
ism bolshevism and anarchy are ali imported theories
which have place democracy like the United States
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-07-29

Mayor Ole Hanson Of Seattle is rather overriding his
fight on the w w. and is too cruel in some of his meth
ods he even had the hose tourned on a gathering of
wobbes the other day. forcing them to violate the most
sacred principle of their organization by taking BATH
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
IS THANKFUL FOR ONE EYE
Philosopher Thinks He Has Seen 40
Much In His Time as One
Man Ought.

Recently w. A. Morgan, the father
Of w. Y. Morgan of Hutchinson. lost
the sight Of one of his eyes while
| was at the hospital" says Captain
Morgan, Il did lot Of thinking how |
could get along supposing went
entirely blind. wouldn't be able to
read, just sit In darkness all the time
! was not asleep. Then figured
that | would be nearly helpless.
would have to get somebody to lead
me around wherever went. But sup
posing that couldn't get anybody,
what would | do then? | remembered
that ! had seen blind men who were
led around by dogs, and commenced
to speculate on how long It would take
me to train up n pup to have sense
enough to lead me around.
"And then suppose that It should
spy cat on the other side OF the ave.
lue and take "a sudden notion to
catch II. That would mean that II
would lead me out into the street,
where l probably would BIO run over
by an automobile or a street car.
And just when | had become desper
ate somehow the situation seemed to
get ridiculous and l laughed Now
am feeling pretty well again and
have one good lamp left. OF course
1t is unhappy when one comes up on
the blind side, but 1t beats no eyes
at all too bad to talk about. 30 !
have a good deal to be thankful for
Anyway. am not certain that have
not seen as much in my time as one
man ought to see. kansas City Jour
nal.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
TERRORS OF WARS OF OLD
Doubtful II Battles Of Today Make
Greater Demands on Courage Than
In Ancient Times.

Much is written of the terrors OF
modern war Little is written of the
terrors of the wars of old. Yet It is
doubtful If war today makes greater
demands on human courage than war
in the time Of Grant, of Washington,
of Turenne, of Caesar, of Alexander
Consider a stand-up infantry fight
in the days OF the revolution. After
the preliminary cannonade and long
distance musketry practice, the two
regiments marched toward each other
in closed ranks At n given distance,
frequently at 30 yards, there was n
halt, smashing volley, and then a
bayonet charge through the smoke.
Bulletg those days were large and
of solid lead. and the man who was hit
went down. Over him tramped his
comrades and the enemy, shooting and
stabbing.
That was the type of infantry bat
ties for 100 years. To minimize the
courage needed to make good sol
der under such circumstances is to
fly In the face Of comomn sense.
Modern war requires different
type Of courage from that needed of
old. The old touch of elbows is lack
ing The old feeling of companion
ship is gone. Tho modern soldier
must be more alert, better taught
keener witted than the olden soldier Of
equal valor. But It does not follow
that the modern soldier is the Drawer
man.
The men who fought at the bloody
angles Of Chickamauga and Spotsyl-
vania, at Bunker Hill and Orlskany, at
Rivoli Iorndorf and Malplaquet had
no need to learn heroism In any mod
ern school. II was theirs already.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
How brave you boys are" said the
girl, her eyes shining.

How brave you boys are" said the
girl, her eyes shining
"Oh, no." replied her companion,
mot brave at ADJUST patriotic" And
somehow, Mt those few words, Sue felt
rebuked for her Impotence of the aft
ernOon. To think that she had been
unwilling to sacrifice even few min.
utes of her time, when this man and
thousands like him were ready TO
sacrifice so much.
She would do better In the future
she promised herself, so after the cur
tain had fallen on the second act, she
turned to her neighbor once more. II
do really want to do something to help
the soldiers" she said, "do my bit, you
know. Perhaps you will be good
enough to tell me what kind Of work
you think would be most useful"
"Well, you've heard of Sister Susie,
and the shirts she sews," said her COM
pnnion, with smile.
"Oh but really, I'm not Joking" pro-
tested Sue. "Of course, sew and knit
everyone does that-besldes, Susie's
really my name," she added naively.
"Ah, indeed" said the man. "Susie"
and he waited n moment. But Sue was
silent.
81 beg your pardon" he said instant
ly, recognizing her hesitation, "Oi
course, you must think me very pre-
sumptuous, but really 1 did not mean
to be-"
mo, am sure you did not" said
Sue, quick to appreciate the courte-
BUSINESS Of his manner. "But tell me,
please, why do they call the soldiers
'SammiesT"
"Why, | don't know us there Is any
real reason" he said, "unless 1t may be
due to the fact" he added with n
laugh, "that my real name Is Sammie."
Really" exclaimed Sue, "why, how
strange
"Strange, but true" said the soldier,
"and l think that perhaps this would
be as good time as any for me to In
troduce myself-Lieut. Samuel Putnam
at your service"
"And / am Sue Williams" said the
girl, not to be outdone, "and anxious
to be Of service"
THANK you" said her new acquaint-
ance, politely acknowledging her infor-
nation. "Shall we shake hands ard
consider ourselves properly intro
ducedr and as the lights went out and
left the theater in readiness for the
last act, Sue reached out her hand TO
her companion, and with a thrill she
felt his broad palm close over her fin
gers and for moment hold them fast.
II am coming to see you, II l may"
he told her, as they left the theater to-
gether at will be some time soon
before / go-and then we'll talk over
the different things that you can do
for the boys at the front. However, l
warn you that there1l be one boy
who'll claim the lions share of your
attentions"
Sue smiled. and held out her hand
for good-by. "Yes, do come" she said,
"twO heads are better than one, you
know"
"By Jove, that's right" exclaimed
the young man. "And a Susie and q
Sammle-that's pretty good combine
ton, It seems to me-" And the sparkle
in his eyes told Of deeper meaning
that lay hidden In his words.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
REWARDS FOR KIND DEEDS
Instances That Prove Inuratltude is
Not Always the Strongest Trait
Of Human Nature.

The parson who breaches short ser
mons certainly deserves recognition,
but whether he deserves so handsome
a reward for his brevlty as sixty fat
acres OF land Is moot point. Any
how, that IL what the pastor OF an
Indiana church received some time
ago from one Of the flock.
Some years ago an aged lady took
lodgings in n modest house at Parsons
Green, Fulham, where she eventually
died, says London Tit-Blts. When her
will was read It was found that she
had made her landlord-a young mar
ried man-her sole executor. and left
her property to his wife. It turned
out to be well over n thousand pounds,
and It was all because the young
couple had shown "kindly attention"
Just before the world war a Tas-
manian was stranded In London. He
appealed to city policeman, who not
only put him on the track Of permn-
nent assistance but gave him the
wherewlthal to procure food and lOdg-
ing. When the wanderer got back to
the land of apples he told the story
OF the London bobby" and his friends
were so pleased about It that they
sent the policeman a lovely gold watch
through the agent general.
Some time ago musician in a the.
atrical company jumped into the
Thames and saved child. The father
banded him f10 and told him he would
hear further about the matter. Ten
years lapsed and the matter was just
n memory when the musician received
n lawyers letter while he was touring
In Australia to say that he benefited
under the will Of the father Of the
child to the extent Of $1,000.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
White staff of Life,

The physicians have a way OF bal
ancing the good against the bad that
endears them to the general public
They have enabled us to worry over
countless new diseases by discovering
new germs that our forefathers wot
not of. Their benevolent activity
sometimes makes us uncomfortable
But, on the other hand, they reassure
us in other matters Especially are
they inclined to hold nowadays that
the appetite Is an excellent guide az
to what one should eat. And as long
as we are allowed to eat what We
like we are able to reconcile our
selves to lesser Ills. An editorial in
the current Journal of the American
Medical association gives US back
white bread, stamped with its APPROX
al Welcome gift! When the ply
Bicians tell US to follow our natural
inclinations at the table, we are bound
to admit that we forget all the grlev-
anceg we may have secretly cherished
against them.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
paehshund Disappearing.

The dachshund three feet long in
reality and six or more In the eyes
of the caricaturist, is slowly but sure
ly disappearing from the pavementB
and from the pages Of the comic pa
pers In Berlin. The new style Of
Viennese cafe, into which no dogs are
admitted, is against him, and 80, too,
is the fashion which calls with con
stantly increasing force for Russian
wolfhounds and toy dogs.
But the greatest enemy OF the
dachshund is the dog tax" says the
Berlin correspondent OF The London
Telegraph. This year the tax was
raised from 20 shillings to 30 shIllings
($5 to $3.50. The result Ia that IN
Berlin the number OF these dogs has
diminished by $500 in the course Of
the twelve months In contrast the
number Of dogs free Of tax obligation
has Increased and IL nos $500, as
against $4,000 paying the 30 shlIlinEs.
Among the dogs paying no duty are
forty-six police dogs"
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24

He was Just n little dog. His life
had been spent lodging kicks, and
picking up bones from garbage boxes
He wasn't Of any particular use in
the world. No one loved him, and he
after many vain attempts to gain a
human friend, had given up in dis.
gust and become sly and cynical
In fact he was merely a dirty, un.
kempt, longhaired dereIict OF big
city, 80 when he finally fell victim
to the dog catcher II didn't matter
particularly to anyone.
The other night he was called out
to atone for his misdeeds by dying n
martyr to science. There was no one
to protest, 30 his life blood ebbed
slowly away on an operating table.
while n group OF physicians crowded
about, or even stood ON chairs, tho
better to see the little heart palpltat-
Ing In n living breast, and to watch
the rise and fall OF the unprotected
lungs until they had stopped in one
last convulsive quiver.-Chicago Rec.
ord-Herald
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1919-01-24
WEBSTER A GREAT ORATOR
He Spoke With impressive Deliberate
ness and Really Had Some
thing to Say.

A few years ago one might occa-
sionally meet an old man. who. in his
youth, had heard Daniel Webster, who
remembered and could quote much of
that great mans utterances. The day
has gone by for any such efforts Of
memory. The orator of today does
not feel that he is delivering the
goods" unless he It rafting off two
hundred words minute, rapidity
that puts 1t beyond the power of the
hearer to remember anything but the
idea sought to be conveyed, and that
too often not any too clearly. The
great Daniel spoke with impressive
deliberateness, for when he spoke he
really had something to say and his
ute. He would have been considered
easy" today, even by a stenographic
beginner.
Webster was born at Salisbury, N.
H., January 18. 1879. His most re-
markable efforts were his speeches
In the senate on the Greek revolution.
and In his debate with Hayne of South
Carolina. He also acquired great
fame by two orations-one at the lay
ing Of the corner stone Of the Bunker
Hill monument, on the anniversary OF
the battle, June II. 1926. and the othe-
on the completion Of the monument,
in 1843. One OF his greatest utter
ances. which may be looked upon as
a prophecy of the conflict that came
near to the destruction of the Union,
may be cited as the best remembered
of his utterances: when my eyes
shall be turned to behold for the last
time the sun in heaven, may not see
him shining on the broken and dis
honored fragments of once glorious
Union; on states dissolved, discordant,
belligerent; on land rent with civil
feuds, or drenched, 1t may be, in fra
ternal blood"