The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1919-03-01
n. S. A. HUNTS A FLAT
He Never Et in a Kitchen, But It
Has kitchenette.

Dear AJC: You know, Art, Elsie
land l are figuring on moving. You
know May is the moving month for
everybody. So I appointed Elsie as
the chief flat-hunter-up-ist. Yesterday
when I got home she said;- Meal, 1
found a bird of a flat" 1 looked at
her and said. What dy yuh mean
bird of a fIat?" She sighed and said,
up in the air. Art, think she'd kid
if had 'tieford" fever. 1 asked her
how many rooms are in the flat and
she told me it is three room thing;
O. living room, bed room and a kitchen
EFT. 1 got sore and told her that
hadn't "et' in a kitchen since 1 was
a kid. Then she gave me the wise
look and said, why you poor Stacker
from the human race, do you know
what a kitchen-ett is?" And 1 bel
lowed out, Yes, 1 know what it is.
and if it weren't for the money L
made writing poetry we'd be eating
in kitchen. yet" And then she
menced to talk to God about my ig
norant soul. Then she explained
what kitchen-ett is. When she got
good-natured again, 1 asked her If 1
could see the new flat. She threw me
my benny and kelly and said, shoot"
So we beat it for the new abode of the
NSAs. Well, Art, we got to the place
and she walks me upstairs till the roof
stops US. 1t is a nice looking hut, es
pecially the halls; those halls have
on board it squeaks. We next
stepped into the flat. 1t had a new
idea for windows; they were all in the
ceiling. 1 wish you could see what
they call the Giving room" Then she
showed me the bed room and, Art,
room for the bed. ''Where'll put my
trunk?'' I asked. I'm the living
ROOM" she said. Then I said. What
about your trunk?" THAT goes in the
living room, too" she said I just
in there, too, and the living room will
| look like a baggage ROOM" "Tll put
two of your photographs on the wall"
she said, land then the living room
will look like dead ROOM" Then I
knew it was safer to keep my mouth
shut. And I did for a while, then 1
cleared my throat and in a soft juve-
| nile voice L asked her to show me the
| kitchen-ett. And she said. boy, I'll
show you the kitchen-ett. which is the
| feature of this cabin, but If you make
one remark about it, I'll be a widow"
| That was my cue for silence, again.
| But, Art, never in all my life did I
want to speak so badly. There was a
| gas stove and a sink. The gas stove
was rusty, where the stews had been
running over it. And the sink had
enough reaches in it to tow a Ford
! car, and Elsie could see that 1 was
| looking at the reaches in disgust. So
she said, "Open your face just once
and your friends will be asking How
| did it happen?' Don't worry about
those reaches, I'll have them all out
| of here in two weeks" How"
asked. She laughed and said, ''In two
weeks after we move in those reaches
will be dead from starvation" 1 got
mad then and told her to cut the COM
| edy that l wanted to see the bath
room: Then she turns as white as a
sheet for a minute and finally she
says, These are saving times now, and
| everybody is cutting down and saving
| all they can to help reconstruct Bel
! gium and France and to feed hungry
/ Europe. Some folks are giving up
eating meat on Friday. Some are quit
ting eggs and so forth. So when I
was getting this flat, 1 said to myself.
we will give up something, so I fig
ured to give up the bath ROOM" Art,
I just picked her up in my arms and
said, You're making a man of me.
I'd never thought of giving up any,
thing only for you. If giving up the
old bath room will help feed Europe,
] I'm for it, but how did you ever think
of giving up the bath room?" She
| looked at me and said, Ornaments are
| for the rich, and we can only afford
to pay for the things we use''-and
/ then l. woke up. And-oh, I nearly
, forgot to tell you. there's always good
| meat on the inside of a nut And I
guess that will be.about all.
N. S.A.