The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1919-09-16

room ahead of us.
Us-What a foolish question! You
know I never look at any other wo-
man What about her?
The Missus-I never saw such dirty
hair, and she had gold watch pinned
to her blouse.
| Us-Well, we can't all wear wrist
watches. Some of US must bear the
| odium of being unfashionable
The Missus-Still, I suppose. her
watch keeps good time. That's more
than can be said for mine.
! Us-We've been all over that before.
You know 1 bought the most expen-
sive watch they had. I'm no judge OF
a watch. supposed it would run all
right.
such fools.
U.s. was pretty smart once.
The Missus-Don't you think you
ought to advertise for house? They
say that's the only way to get one.
Us-Before I advertise for a house
Outstanding.
| The Missus-Fve heard you say that
| a thousand times. What sort of un-
derstanding must we have this time
Us-Before 1 move into another
house 1 must have your explicit prom
Use that no sewing woman shall ever
| darken its door. Understand. I don't
mind the woman herself; it's the state
| of mind she leaves you in.
The Missus-No, you don't mind
them, especially if they're young and
| gocd-looking Your elaborate cour-
| tesy to the one 1 had last spring led
me to have great hopes for you. L
thought maybe you were going to be
polite to everybody.
Us-what do you want me to do?
Kiss everybody 1 meet?
| The Missus-Please do try a new
tailor The one you have makes you
look like an old man.
! Us-What's the matter with this
suit? I can't see anything wrong
with 1t.
The Missus-Nothing; it's lovely
Us-Well, what's the matter with it
then?
The Missus-That suit makes me
think of a good joke on you. l never
| mentioned II to you before because
didn't want to hurt your feelings.
You know you wore it when you came
west to see me in August. Well. that
evening at the country club when you
left me stranded high and dry and
| went dancing off with those young
| girls that Mrs. Misunderstanding from
Cleveland came over and sat down
| beside me-took pity on me? I sup
pose. She watched you quite a while
and then turned to me and said:
l Y
doesn't he ?"
Us-You noticed didn't ask her to
! dance. Henry Strawn tipped me off
to her. He said: Boyle called me
boy-'boy. you're in no physical con-
dition to move pianos" Henry knew;
! she belongs to his wife's set.
The Missus- nice people
one of the oldest families in that part
of Ohio.
Us-Yes. they're nice people. all
right If thinking about money is
sign of intelligence. they're intellec-
| tual prodigies; and If talking about
their servants and their Packards is
| cleverness, they're the wittiest and
most delightful conversationalists in
the world.
| The Missus-They were nice to you.
Us-Yes. 1 suppose they pitied me
on account of my advancing years and
my condition of extreme decrepitude.
The Missus-Did you know Steel is
up 5 points?
Us.When did Steel go up S points?
The Missus-I saw it in yesterdays
paper.
Us-Did you ever happen to think
that talking about yesterdays paper
is like talking about George Washing
| ton or maybe, General Burgoyne?
You might just as wei. say II under
stand the Magma Carta has been
| adopted" as to quote yesterdays pa
per. What everybody wants to know
is what tomorrow mornings paper is
going to say about Steel. That is. ev-
erybody but me. 1 don't care what 1t
says.
! The Missus-well. you are pretty
smart. I'll say that for you You can
| look ahead. You were so sure Hughes
was going to be elected that you bet
money on it. They can't fool you, es-
pecially about a political situation.
U.s. don't pretend to know any
IL kw-NR
to use common sense. And 1 do not
talk about myself.
The NIissus-Still you do like to
have people think you're clever and
that's the reason you made that long
speech to me about George Washing
ton and that General what's-His-
Name. You wanted to show me how
clever you are. Wasn't that it?
Us-There are lots of husbands who
wouldn't go to that trouble. They'd
know their wives couldn't get it, and
they'd save it up for somebody who
could appreciate it. If 1 try to be
clever before you it's because know
you'll get it. It's a compliment to you
if you only know it.
The Missus-If there's anything L
detest, it's a smart aleck. And hate
you when you try to show off.
The Missus-Do you think Mr.. Will
son will win?
| OS-DO L LAlnk WHAT.
The Missus-Do you think Mr.. Will
son will win?
U.s. don't know; what's his game
The Missus-You know what l
mean.
Us-Are you asking whether think
the covenant of the league of nations
will be ratified? If you are, l don't
know.
The Missus-what else could I have
meant?
US don't know; make no pre-
tense of understanding women.
The Missus-It's easy enough to un-
derstand men. All one has to do to
get along with them is to flatter them
every minute and listen to their tire
some Dragging about themselves with
out showing signs of being bored to
| extinction. That's all a man asks. Let