The Topeka state journal., 1919-12-27
A "Home Hunter" Describes
Experiences in Middle West.
Milwaukee, Chicago, DeS MOines
and Topeka Listed.
NEVER KNOW WHAT IS COMING
Fire and Stammering School
Students Are Unexpected.
The MiSSus Comes to Rescue
Just in Time in Topeka.
By HARRY +. cAYLoR

By HARRY f. CAYLOR
| fThis is the yarn of an amateur boom
| er-boomer meaning, in parlance of end
smoking compartments, one who travels
without warning. notice. etc.-and the
tragedy that staIked him thru the
! classified ads under the guise of
Furnished Apartments or Houses to -
! Rent" in four cities.
| The story. as Harold Bell Wright
slibied as regards his favorite theme
SO eagerly consumed by high school
| girls and bald headed bachelors only to
| doodle, is an old one. l. Maryumyung
! Trentumruff, OF the somewhat over
from tbe sse cI6 age probably drank
| whacked his chosen mate over the head
with a slipperly elm club. thereby com
ceremony OF that day, and went forth
/ to nnd an abode. only. to be chased
saw.toothed tiger instead Of rent
proflteer. But, again to plagiarze. in
substance, from the H II. w. the tale
has been rehashed many times since
| and like instances will probably cause
| considerable profanity in the future.)
Perhaps it would not be inappro-
priate to further preface this tale of
| four municipalities with a brief trea-
| tise on the habits and atmosphere of
apartments for the benefit of the
great uninitiated, who,~ having not
mingled with them, have missed a
part of the spice of life
First, of course, are the tame ones
those as come when you call. Put
an ad In the paper and they'll come
| maybe one or two-sometimes a flock.
Thrifty housewives who have an in
valid dining table, a couple of indis-
posed chairs and a window stand that
grandma handed down as an heirloom
drag 'em forth and equip a couple of
rooms heretofore unused because it
cost too much to furnish them for
their own use. They're the tame ones.
They have atmosphere in them too
often. Up in Milwaukee the sophisti-
Gated apartment hunter readily can
Germans or POLES. If the atmosphere
is onions they're Poles; if it's a, COM
bination of onions and cured cab
bage they're Germans. Tho onions
predominate. it seems, in both nation
alities, it doesn't take a connoisseur to
distinguish the additional element.
Then the elusive apartments
they're hard to find,N and about as
hard to get after you get sight of
them as a prairie dog between shot
gun and its burrow. They have atmos-
phere, too-lots of times it's called
tone, and it's priced about as high as
one by PadereWski A kitchenette,
combination dining room; parlor, Ii
a buiIt-in bed that folds up like
Pullman sea SO you can use the space
for eating purposes in daytime plus
tone which excludes onions, picked
from $75 to 5000 a month.
Now the scenario. Flash a scene
on the screen showing a Santa Fe
train leaving Topeka, whistling for
crossings in Missouri, Illinois, finally
Parmalee bus buffeting it's way to the
Northwestern station and finally our
hero emerging from a Northwestern
train at Milwaukee. This is uninter-
begin with maid busting the furni-
ture!
Another scene A hotel with two
saloons and a burlesque show on the
first floor. Use your imagination for
two weeks until Friend Wife, who
stayed in Topeka two weeks so an
apartment could be found before she
arrived, comes into the foreground
thru aside entrance.
The apartment we moved into
procured in haste as the two weeks
dwindled-was @ sort of a Burbank be-
tween a wild and tame one. Three
keys ON the piano failed to work, but,
as the janitor assured US, several other
worries were in perfect order.
That janitor by the way, was the
most optimistic bird, save one, had
ever met. His rival sold thing -jigs
to take the jolt out of hind seats of
Fords.
He-the janitoE missed the ad-
chair that failed to mate up with the
others, he declared, was an antique
and valuable. He pointed out the
worm-holes to prove It and advised
us that all the neighbors who appreci-
ated old and refined art would envy us.
That one chair. he declared, gave our
apartment a rare tone, and that the
place was eXclusive-very.
1t Was Exclusive.
The place was exclusive all right,
we agreed. One of us had to exclude
him or herself while the other manip-
ulated the electric stove. The first
night proved the janitor was right
about tone. There were several of
them. One was a tenor from to II
p. m. from a half-year-old across the
court. ProAptly at 11:O1 a synco-
pated bass from next door hit off a
few notes.
Lets try a family hotel" suggested
the Missus next morning. The ad
jective bespoke rest and quiet amid
elderly married couples and old-maid
school teachers.
We found place. half-cousin. to
an apartment building and the other
half related to a boarding house
where the landlady finally convinced
us her rate for suite of rooms and
meals was reasonable considering the