The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-07-03

S U N B EAM S.

|lV- NG body. Quite warm
II N S4 yes, so I've been
S2 told. People seem
- to delight In ask
ing me if it is
warm enough. just because I write
Sunbeams and at present they have
more than plenty of sunbeams.
But that amt what started out to
say. I want to talk about the dis
case of bashfulness. You see. have
suffered (and still do) from this NAL
ady. When boy at home was so
timid that / always hid under the bed
when anyone called. I would never
eat all could hold at my father $
table was SO modest that l
blushed as red as the wattles on a
turkey gobbler's neck in struttin'
time every time l changed my mind.
And if anybody spoke. to- me l would
beg their pardon for bein> in their
lway. l, shore feel sorry for any one
who is bashful, diffident. or self
conscious (call it anything you
please). It's an awful disease and
one for which ESQ far as l know)
there is no remedy.
Again I am asked to express my
self on the question of total prohi-
bition-and once more l decline
(until / consult my attorney. con.
scious that anything might say will
be used as evidence" agin me. l
may be quoted however as sayin' that
bein' a conservative. law abidin' cit
izen of this great commonwealth
(which our daddies stole from the In
juns) I bow to the inevitable (may
the Lord help anyone who DON'T
and solemnly affirm that I will never
take another drink (of booze) until
get a chance. And that l will do
my level best to prevent anyone else
from dom the same. l know not
what course others may pursue. but
as for me l know when I'm up
against it. l can do no otherwise.
The choir will now pleas sing NO
body knows how dry am"
In talkin' to friend recently i
mentioned havin' known a man who
had married fifteen different women.
My friend asked me if the man had
been arrested for bigamy. "Oh. no."
"Umph," said he, ''he must have
been a Mormon" Wrong again.
says l, she was a preacher
If the church choirs instead. of
singin' hymn of three of four verses
would sing one verse three or four
times, by the time they had finished
we might be able to for man opinion
as to what they were tryin' to get out
of their system.
I'll bet dollar
Against pin
If Dempsey don't lick him -
Willard will win.
How will women affect Legisla-
tures.-Headline. Well, by golly.
just wait and you'll see. just wait.
that's all.
T'other day l said to a friend. IF
Satan should lose his caudle appen-
dage he shore would be in one devil
of fix" "How now," said my
friend why" I replied. Uncle
Sam has prohibited the retailing OF
bad spirits. Up. S., lost a friend)
1t is said that in japan kissin IS
barred from the movie films and that
more than three hundred ''huggin'
scenes have been clipped from the
films. Just think of it. = And yet we
have been goin' hungry that we might
send missionaries over there to try
and make christians out of the
darned heather.
In readin' list of great events
that took place Tor happeneO in
1000 I run onto this: I'm 1900 the
French academy decided latter SOL
emn deliberation) that the word 'au-
tomobile' is masculine" Well. now.
nlebbe it's. But I'll go on record as
sayin' that anything which acts SO
cantankerous as an automobile looks
suspiciously feminine to me.
Asked to name the weakest part
of an automobile l replied that the
weakest part Of any car is Ito my
way of thinking) the driver.
I'm sorry that ! said anything
about prayin' for rain last year. Ev-
erybody is blamin' me fer the wet
spell this season. One fellow said
that l must have used or exercised
right smart of faith to have brought
such results.
Curious to see what was on the
hidden end of one of his potato
pldutSp - Az. DOHO Jug ~ w SsaU
found forty-two potatoes notes the
Lowry City Independent. The
smallest was about the size of =
hens egg and the largest the size OF
a goose egg."-Kansas City Times.
After readin' the above / thought l
would take a look at the potato
sprouts in my back garden. l pulled
up a. bunch of sprouts and found Il
amt done countin' yet. l only begun
day before yesterday but they are
very small (truth- compels me to
state.)
They say chickens come home tn
roost. Yes. Well. mebbe 50.
Some do and some don't. Depends
on the sort of chickens they be.
Some. chickens don't get home till
mornin'.
II any word that can speak
VIII make SOME pathway brighter
II any song that / may sing
Win lialke 1eeae burden lighter:
Then 1ef ne quickly speak that word