davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
A Modern Roman Triumph"
Much of the Color Gone, But Still Interesting.

Four German submarines their way to the United
lteS They not coming the captain OF the Deuscn
nd did, to startle with German efficiency They are
coming to take back gold to blow up ships along
. coast
They are coming conveyed by United States warships
ven up by Germany turned to the United States
ey are brought here and will appear In the harbor OF
York and In the Hudson river as sort OF tr1umpha
ocession convincing evidence that the war is over AND
ION.
The little boats that travel below and kill unseen will
shown the surface with coming towers and torpedo
Ibes visible They may be sent to other cities to be seen
And this feeble rather colorless remainder Of what
n ancient Roman days would have been great military
riumph."
If this war had been fought two thousand years ago
ron would have triumpha march Broadway such
Rome when Caesar came back from Gau, bringing
With him Vercingetorx the courageous French chletain
You would have seen Pershng perhaps Woodrow VIII
Son the latter decided to keep the triumph for himself
driving up in chariot with little short skirt hang
ing down from his waist his legs bare gold sandals on his
e his chest would be uncovered to show the wounds he
would wear crown of laurel his horses would prance
and he would look the stern, pale, war-worn hero.
Behind him, fastened to his chariot would come
the Kaiser and the Crown Prince chains dragged along
the Streets farther would wagons loaded with
ypos gold precious stones pictures statues, anything
that could be picked up and carried away.
After the procession the would great fetes
his honor killed in the arena perhaps real naval
battle with ships sunk and many killed There would be
free distribution of bread and wine to the mob etc.
Luckily the world progresses, slowly, still nations go
to war, still kill
But military triumph shows little iron boats
dragged the ocean, to show who's Who. Even
had actually caught the Kaiser and his son. every
American would think ridiculous to drag them up Broad
way with chains hanging from them.
We haven't got rid of international killing, but we
HAVE got rid of international fooshness for which
the Lord be praised The policeman Caesar dags the
criminal to Jail Law is emperor, Law triumphs, and
that is modern progress.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

tion that his motto is: Hands
on"
Nc Longer Regarded as Eligible.
Well, our friend the "profes-
sional bachelor" has escaped them
all, and he is now in the early
forties and mother no longer re-
gard him as an eligible party. He
still dances, and ne is still a de-
sirable dinner guest, but he no
longer causes fiutterings-he is
out of the running.
And still, curiously enough, he is
as far away from that great goal
Of success as he was when he had
just left college and quoted so
gayly: Down to Gehenna," etc.
Other fellows, less prudent, who
took chances and got married
seemed to have travelled a good
deal further along the high road
to success. And suddenly it begins
to dawn on our crafty friend that
a wife is an asset rather than a
liability. And that this travelling
alone business is a delusion, and
an expensive delusion. And by the
time one has finished keeping up
ones position as a professional
bachelor" there is mighty little
left in the bank.
And that women. apart from
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
WHEN A BACHELOR STOPS TO THINK!

Bradstreet rating, and an ex-
pensive hobby or two on the side,
like picture and rug collecting.
And the bachelor, still shaving,
and deciding that the lines about
his mouth have developed into a
very deep pair Of parenthesis, in
deed, remembers hearing some one
say that his friend owed much of
his success to his wife. who was
a wonderful manager and had
great social gifts, besides.
And he is conscious of a sort
Of defrauded feeling as he looks
back through the vista of many
hollow years, in the raw light of
an early spring morning. Years
that he hus spent as d "profes-
sional bachelor" regarding all
women with a distrustful eye, and
making them understand, in a
hundred little ways, that while he
is willing to do the right thing in
flowers, candy, and theater
tickets, he is first, last, and all
the time, matrimonially immune.
For the professional bachelor"
differs in kind from the bachelor
by-accident, or the be- helor-bv-
necessity. The "P. B." is not, as
we say, susceptible" and conceiv-
ing every woman to be a husband
hunter, he sees to it that she
knows Immediately upon introduc-
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
To-day,


Smok"r-YOung sIen.s Hebrew Associa-
tion, Jewish Welfare Board, Eleventh
street and Pennsylyania avenue northwest.
p.
Literary pFogram-Dunbar and Arm
strong High schools. metropolitan A. If.
+. Church. y. m.
Film e1hibition-".Fit to WIN" official
film of the United States Public Health
Service, before National Capital Dental
Su~'"'y. i277 II street northwest. p. III.
Tea-winthrop Club will entertain
alumnae and former students Of winthrop
College, 1877 / street northwest, to
p. IN.
MeetinE-FIorida State Society, Wilson
Normal school. Eleventh and Harvard
streets northwest. s p. M Mrs. Smith
Gordon will speak.
Mceting-The Columbia Heights Citizens
Association, st. Stephens Hall, 3OI7 Four
teeEth street northwest, p. m.
College students night-Presentation Of
Players. in College TheateT. North Capitol
and l streets northwest. Sis p. IN pirec-
ton Of the Rev. J. Charles Davey, 5. =.
vice president Of the college.
Meeting-Citizens Of Massa Chusetts 20
form Massachusetts State Society, Wilson
Normal School, p. m. Charles 8. Ham
lin will preside.
Fellowship supper--New members OF the
Y. NJ. c. A. special guests at supper N
assembly room Of Central Y. 81. &. A, 1886
G. street northwest. p. m.
OF Columbus. st. Mary's Hall. 72l Fifth
J. Guiiday, Frank J. Hogan. and George
s. DeNeale will speak.
tion. st. Davis Parish Hall, Conduit road
near Nebraska avenue, ?. m:
Lecture-Dr. George II. Ashley. The
NJ c. A. 1896 G street northwest, 7:3O ?.
m Men are invited
Neighborhood meetings-CongregstIo
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
What's Doing; Where; When

churches at the Mount Pleasant CongregA-
tional Church, 1880 J. m.
AddreBs-SenatOr Hitchcock Of Nebras-
ka before Commercial Club at semI-month-
ly club night on League Of Nations. "
6:4b ,. m. General discussion Of the sub
teCt will follow his address
Meeting-Friends Of Irish Independence
movement 6lo Ninth street northwest.
S:30 p. m
Meeting-The Florida state Society. viii
son Normal School, Eleventh and Harvard
streets northwest $3.50 p. m. Senator Dun
can L. Fletcher will preside.
Demonstration--J. W. KinghOrnC on
Preserving Eggs in Water Glass and eK-
hibit OF farm products, room So old Ma
tional Museum, Ninth and Il streets south
west, 2:90 y. IN.
Meeting Washington Alumnae chapter
OF Chi Omega. 2O24 G street northwest, &
p. m. All Chi Omegas in the city invited.
Tomorrow.
Dinner-Georgia Tech Alumni Club.
Cushman's Cafe. p. IN. All fOrm~- Tech
students invited
MeetinE-The Oldest Inhabitants Asso-
citation OF the District, Union Engine
House. Nineteenth and II streets north
Meeting- g-waShington Chapter OF the
Kappa Alpha Theta sorority, nc ne Of Mrs.
Il. II. Meyer. Highland Manor. in wiscon-
Meeting-BIroctors "f the Chamber Of
CONNER. regular monthly meeting, GIL
Twelfth street northwest. : J.. m.
Address. r. Drayer. national secre-
tary Of the American Association Of En-
gineers, Compensation and Recognition
or the Eng ..eers." X. Of 2. Hall, lOi Ninth
street northwest, p. IN.
Meetlng-BOard OF Education, Franklin
concsrt-U, S Soldiers Home Band.
Stanley Hall. 6:l5 ?. m. direction OF John
Lscture-Last OF series Of talks on
''Clot hing" Arts and Industries Building
Ninth and b streets southwest, $3.50 p. m
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
Questions and Answers.
Eyes Tell Volume.

Eyes lell Olumes
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX.
There is a certain young man that
/ know Is desperately in love with
me. He Is good looking, OF a fine
family, and has a fine income, but
he is terribly bashful.
He has never spoken one word OF
love to me, but his wonderful eyes
tell volumes.
have given him chance after
chance. and hint after hint and can
see he was dying to propose, but
that terrible bashfulness.
The question ] would ask is
should / propose 10 him myself or
walt about five years longer for him
to get up the nerve? Do you think
1t would be forward or unIadylike
to propose TO him? 1 do not mean
that he is a coward. Far from Il.
Only bashful LIS.
It is rather a dangerous busi-
ness, it would seem, proposing to
young men who go about with
volumes in their eyes. A similar
case | happened to know Of, where
the girl did propose-she was greet
ed by profound apologies and utter
abasement, but really he hadn't
meant anything-in fact, there was
some one else.
1t would seem these young men
who carry about libraries in their
eyes are not to be depended on
sometimes, alas, they are show
Libraries, not the lending sort
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

T HERE comes a dav in the life
of every bachelor when he
i stops to think about his
mistakes of omission and commits
sion-and he becomes a bit uneasy
in his mind.
The time for these reflections is
apt to be the chill morning hour
when he is sparring with the razor
for the stubble at the left of his
right ear. And the young day
shows up every wrinkle-not to
mention a budding second chin.
And the bachelor thinks about
the girl he did not marry, and who
eventually married his best friend.
At the time Of their wedding, the
bachelor was not a little proud
that he had escaped the moose, and
his feelings, as he threw handtuls
of rice after the departing pair,
were the congratulatory emotions
of a man whose single racer has
just escaped a collision on the high
road.
He liked the girl immensely. but
long ago a certain couplet of Rud-
ward Kipling had made deep i'm
preston on his mind, and he had
made it the first article OF his
bachelors creed.
Down TO Gehenna, or up to the
throne,
He travels the fastest who travels
alone"
So he had steeled his heart
against what he was pleased TO re-
gard as her feminine tricks" lie
had not been averse 10 a we'll
regulated Irritation, in fact, he
was not a little proud Of his
strategic skill, in that direction.
He had enjoyed love-making after
a fashion, but he had not wanted
TO be taken seriously as a love
maker. And not for a moment did
he want TO be regarded In the light
of a possible husband.
Evading the Matrimonial Trap.
For him the art of life is to have
as much social distraction as pos
sible, without getting caught in
what he regards as the matri-
monial trap. So when the girl
married his best friend. he did
the handsome thing in the way
of a wedding present and congrat-
ulated himself on bearing a charm
ed life.
And he continued to quote the
Kipling couplet, about the speed
with which a young man reaches
the success goal-if he travels
alone.
But when he paused to take
stock Of himself, from time to
time. he is amazed to discover
that he is no nearer to success
than when he first committed TO
memory the two Kipling lines.
Raking his chin in the chill light
Of a spring morning. he recalls
that the friend who married HIS
giEl has travelled a good deal
farther ahcnd. Friend Benedict
has developed into very sub
stantial citizen, with an excellent
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

Especially for Washington Women

their malign gifts as sirens, De-
Hahs and temptresses, generally
speaking, have quite extraordinary
ability in managing a mans affairs
and rahng chestnuts out Of the
hre for him, when his own hands
are quite too clumsy for the busi-
ness. And that all said and done,
being yoked to one woman is really
more satisfactory than phiIander-
ing about with a dozen.
Hitching Post Better Than q LOos,
Rein.
By this time our friend "the
professional bachelor" has finished
shaving, and noted with alarm
that in addition to the wrinkles,
his hair is getting quite thin on
the temples, and that nobody
really loves him. And he wishes,
with all his selfish. ossified old
heart, that he had never heard of
Rudyard Kipling and that silly rot
about: Down to Gehenna,
ETC."
Then joyously, he remembers, as
an antidote, that someone else has
said: "a hitching post is much
better than a loose rein" And
with this in mind, the "P. B."
rushes of and marries in a panic
the first woman VINO will accept
him.
And every one wonders why,
and the answer is-the effect Of
the chill light of a spring morning
on his noble countenance as he
shaves.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
What IS Real Money?
Continued from First Column.

Continued from First COumn)
very well and without depreciation Of six seven bill
lion dollars worth of VICTORY MONEY printed with the
statement that the Government Of the United States stands
back of it, that will be accepted by all the citizens for
debts
No such money will be issued, fnanciers need not
worry but does harm for the little people specu
late about it, and wonder why it is that the Government
which the entire United States must borrow the
money that needs from the little individuals living the
United States and worth not nickel except the Gov
enment protects them in possession Of what they think
they
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

Bill SmOOt's in Again.
CHARLIE GREEN, Of South
Washington. continues to scrutinize
all one 5 bills coming his way. l
wonder II The Times spendthrift.
Geo. Donohoe, who Is also famous
for just getting them one s bills
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
An Idea

Recently many cartoons kSgO
been drawn and many jokes mads
about the dry amendment working
both ways-making the professional
prohibitionist losing his job. Me-
so, however. he viii form . soSi-
ETY. for the suppression Of mok-
ing and chewing tobacco. He does
not lose his job. Let rs hope that
he does not have as much success
in this new move as In the last ]
thought that maybe, if you printed
this in your column, that some car
toonist might see it and give the
idea some thought.
LARRY DOYLE
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
LARRY DOYLE
When Finished With Mike and Pa
IT,, HEks-

WHEN InIsneu Win Nike md F8s
Try This.
Pat and Mike both served time in
a training camp so please do not
have them dig any more bitches.
Here's one for your column:
A man buys one hundred (1OO)
cows, sheep and chickens, for 800.
He pays ten (S10) dollars each for
the cows, two and one-half (S2.50)
dollars each for the sheep, and one
half (.50) dollar each for the
chickens. How many Of each did he
buy? A READER
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
By EARL GOODWIN.

just as expected the activities Of the authorities in
trying to aid traffic conditions at the Union Station have
resulted in the criticism that the police are aiding
monopoly to the detrment Of the independent cab driver
and sometimes to the derment of the travelling public
At the Union Station private taxcab corporation is
allowed special privilege private property The company
owning the Union Station against which the District Of
Columbia has suit for thousands of dollars for unpaid
taxes gives special concession to taxicab company and
takes delight in cooperating with the police any kind
of traffic regulations which viii drive the Independents
cheaper, and competing axcab away from the Union
Station entrance
Here Of three letters have received concerning
the matter:
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
HEARD AND SEEN
April Fool! It's ouly Wlntsr.

April Fool! It's only Winter.
That booklet SrGFtzsU, RheeH
and HsHseN haze sent around %
conmemordtiOR Of The fftisth yed1
of the eoResrR e one Of tie most -
teTestinq pieces Of Washington
literature I hare seen for long
tfHS.
Went in to see ED MeQUADE a
the Liberty Savings Bank the othe1
day to ask him when the bank was
going to move to its new place on
18th and l streets. ] learn the move
will be rushed.
While I was in there GEORGE
WATSON, the president, conhded to
me that once upon q time he was
the editor and publisher Of the Ana
costa "Herald" q believe that was
the name Of the paper), and that j.
Adam Bede wrote for it and even
tuaIly took it over.
The Washington Chapter Of the
American Institute Of Banking
(great name that), Of which Friend
McQuade is president, is about to
hold its annual dinner. You should
pay strict attention to the way they
start out their announcement:
"Owing to war conditions
which demanded the utmost
conservation Of food and energy
Washington, Chapter omitted
from its program for the year
1918 its annual dinner. Condi-
tions having changed during the
past few months the Board Of
Governors has now decided to
resume this popular event and
to hold this years dinner at the
New Willard Hotel on Satur-
day evening, April 18th, at 2
o'clock"
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

came in from n 7. twice re-
Gently and found that at the taxi
place at Union Station there is q man
shoOlng away the jitneys. hackers,
and all public autos except those OF
The taxi company which has q stand
tbooth) there. I waited upon both
occasions. tired, dirty, hungry,
snxious to get home, not caring a
darn what sort OF . machine I got,
with none OF the Company's machines
on hand, and not allowed to take any
other because the man who thinks
The traffic at the UnioI
Hotel should be made safe.
police on the subject of safl
order to give the. public all
too far into the hands of the
the District of Columbia m
taxes, I would suggest that o
read the letter I have repro,
that it is an expression Of
from many other sources.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
Those Union Station Traffic Rules

Look Out That They Do Not Play Too Far Of
Monopoly To the Dsment the Independent Small Man
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

And for speakers Eve win have
with us" FRANK J. HOGAN. one of
our rising young barristers; Rev,
JAMES L. GORDON. and JUDGE
HARRY CONVICTION.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01
am SmoOt's In AEain.

There's bunch of takers for you!
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

CHANGED remembers when some
cent from The Times used 70 dis
tribute Black Arrows in various sec-
tlons OF the city? II you found one
or them Arrows and took Il uD to
Ihe Times Ohice, you'd get a nice
little Wad OF kale for It. Wen. I
came mighty near finding one Of
the ArroWs. got out Of bed about
LouF A. d. on the morning the arrow
was hid In our section ana I wSs a
witness to another seareher who
pulled that Aroow from behind 4
sign that was tackled up on Pat
Days saloon at AZ and + sts. II
was just about this time OF the yea.
as Well as l can remember, ana 4
seems to me that the sign had a zoak
on It, too, but don't think 4 vas
the same goat that Mr.. Donohoa
used In his recent story. IN inst
bet Mr.. DOnOhoe a pound Of goo5
eonee that that goat looked powerful
good to Nike and Pat when thsy
each got to the end Of that 100 foot
ditch Whatcha say boss? How
many 20 want, 80 head roun IN ds
ally. BILL SBIOOT,
Of Maddox Greek.
A letter arrived IN Washington
the other day from Europe.
1t was addressed
Call Ne Henry
Washington d. c.
It was Immediately and without
delay delivered to Henry Lans-
burgh, for whom it was intended,
Of course.
Henry's popular abroad. He did
q whole lot Of work for soldiers
while they were IN camp hare and
now they are abroad they don't
forget him.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

You will note that these bankers
conserved so much food by NOT Civ
ing their dinner that the war was
won, and now by jimmy crickets
they are going to make up for lost
time.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

You can bet your last cent that
is going to be dinner worth attend
ing. Inasmuch as VIC DEYBER is
chairman Of the dinner committee
you can rest assured that Mr.. Dey-
Der at least will have all HE can
eat.
The Washington times., 1919-04-01

he owns the taxi privilege At Union
Station would not let one Of thoss
machines not owned by the Company
pick me up.
Is this q matter for you, or Briea
Claggett, or Ray Pullman, or tha
Public Utilities Commission, or FOR
the chairman OF the VoteIess Waub-
ington Committee, or for all OF youf
Turn on the light on this! I an
tired OF being imposed on in thI1
town. want to ride out OF 4 public
railroad station in anything I ehoosa.
A DISCONNECTED FRIEND.
Station and at the Willard
1 thoroughly agree with the
ty in traffic matters, but in
wants and to avoid playing
company which owes
my thousands of dollars in
II competent District officials
luced here and bear in mind
piniOn similar to that heard
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27
EIGHT CHILDREN HAD GROUP

Il have eight children and rive
Fo'ey's Honey and Tar 70 AL IL shpil.
wr.tes Mrs r Rgbkarnp. zsa3 Herman
st.. coyington, Ky.s they asl were
subject 70 Group" II loosen snncuA
and phlegm, stops that sirangIlng
cough, makes easy breathing possible
and permits quiet sIesr. Contain no
npiates Children like H. Sold every
where.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27
Help wANrEo-MALE
IAN WANTED Country Editor Din

Ran WANTED Country Editor pin
ing Tor the city preferred A busl-
ssss publication In one OF the larger
,i,ies OF the United States II looking
sor an enaefprsaina young man with
background of small town expert
ence. A hive wire editor Of a county
seat papar miahy fill che bill Ths
mar must know how 10 write. He
must have enterprise. initiative and .
nose for research He must be ablo
70 recognize an issue when he scfs
Il. ar make one ana then campaign or
H. Above All. he should have gen
zine understanding Il an interest Y
he commercial problems ~ thr aver.
age moderate sized town The more
H. knows about Store keeping ths
setter VI he knows how 10 make d
speech. ssill better No special age
Unit Il fixed. bns approximately M
saafs preferred the position affords
a attractive opportunity ThA SALARY
TN not be 4 fancy one io start, rui
tsough 10 keep ihe wolf from IA,
svor. Address w S. Sherwood. al
ssriisDg Building. 81 Louis. Mo.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27

Police ansi feseur aas lpiG tlam ilv
war aFp helhs eapfalea IeF athes eeFF
icea III Switzerland TAN NaitrllY
AHse spgyed N Red t'rnas H.sla and are
aSpeTt a. loea;laa dlasblai uen vhl4h
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27

WANTED big money making op
portunity Tor hustler Exclusive
agency for Simplex on Buner. Burns
kerosere. Installed In any stove IN
q few minutes. No cxperiecne necss-
rary. Enormous demand now on ac-
count ct coal shortage. AGENTS max :
iae from 80 70 500 a week. Every
'~r'~ prospect Write quick for full
particulars Hans en- -ITalliburton
Air cos y So. Clinton s.. Dept. Az.
Clrago. IN.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27

~ w klst " II ns mbx y Rlars
egs Aia writes tanh FaleY FsiasssS
fills aa I was Fessicsa At aswat With
ra'n hAss htek ana alag and tltWy
t'a air spad Asu lssTsgasly say
H'ulvs kisiAeY issgla "a shN mesEIeInr F@r
kislHey trualF faeY FeIlsv~ ghsa
matls palah sltf sw1sisa insnsa laaa-
aetss s@evpuNR
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27
Now She's President
Mill Nellie M. Scott

Once sicnographer 10 the prNsi.
dent of the Bantam Ball Icarirg
Go. OF Bantam, Conn, Miss Nellie
N Scott is now president Of the
concern. which IL operated on Il
profit sharing plan Miss Scott
was naturally adapted to the
work of business organization and
management and became diYrc.
for, then head of The company.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27

TIE hest mAfksmAa arr usually
per wiib wray Nv hlue sEca
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27
CLASSIFIED WANTS.


|FUftD OWNERS Diamond rylmnr
starts motor lnssansly ln any weath-
lea lrna clad snagansve. " sIart
tnlslFsI ear n ume infn, ur nsanes r.
funded 30 dispafe& SaTea fsswl,
health Fasionve suy one ihen W
epnae onr agent 20 ss8 ail yoar
Srieisds who viii want Desmond On
#sghl tiSsod commission Price sTSu
enaAiele. ~igh guarantee Desmond
Primer ltts Broadway New YORK
FORD OWNERS Desmond reinaf
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1919-12-27
rrs DAILY LEArSn


Ia tAe event ~ delivery Icing it,-
perfeeA. OF paper hs'ing ruied, twisted
or, snpsllastd snhsSribvfs ara ufKea
70 inaKe immediate complaint 90 the
business office N person BY telephone
sr mail.