The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-09-18
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For Finance Commissioner,
ERNEST MILLER.
For Street Commissioner,
CHARLIE cox.
For Public Utilities Commissioner.
TOM GWARTNEY.
--
Last, but not least!
We know that the literary tastes
aroused by the reading of the biogra-
phies Of the first four candidates on this
you reach the inside Of the chocolate
which contains the wine dipped cherry.
For today, we introduce you to the
great, only and original
TOM GWARTNEY.
Our candidate for commissioner Of
public utilitiesi
Here's how!
To go back many many years. when
the tramp. tramp, tramp OF federal
soldiers echoed through the Southland,
and, the reaches of Arkansas that we're
touched by the Mississippi were in
vaded by a small detachment Of these
blue-clad soldiers Then. there lived a
little boy, below Helena. Clad in but
ternut and barefoot, he curled one big
toe around the other, as he stood at
the roadside. and watched the hated
Yankees march bv. Suddenly he could
stand the Impulse surging within him
no longer. He screwed up his face In
a very fair imitation Of a man about to
sneeze. then shot forth his tongue In
most saucy fashion. put a finger to his
nose and wigRled his head in boyhoods
most deadly insult.
WHAM!
The hoy doubled up with pain. and
fell writhing to the ground. ore OF
the SYanR soldiers had hurled a green
apple. and the apple caught the little
Confederate amtdships, Knocking out
l NE wrt,dF THhA VanEA1 aNIHfarG M &c adj
as did the war, but the butternut clad
kid never forgot.
That lad, ladies and gentlemen, was
Tom Gwartney, our candidate for com
missioner Of public utilities.
But to go on with the stirring. thrill
ing life tale Of this young patriot who
today is as full Of anecdotes and re-
collections as shad roe is Of eggs. He
\ can tell you those tales when he gets
In office-he won't have much else K
do then--but nov we propose to tell yot
some things about hiTn that be doesn'
tell himself, 4
Lee and Natchez passed Helena II
their famous race, Tom Gwartney de
tefmined to come to- Memphis. Ant
come he did. Climbed in a skiff ant
started to pull up the river. sAftet
many a pun he got here. (But merit
mot, pull. has made him a candidatel.
Some nights afterward, O. skiff wa
propelled into the Adams street slip
and Tom Gwartney, as bravely over
4 Rll-clad as any Arkansan ever saw
and as barefooted as the day the greer
apple plunked him (but a good dea
larger), tied his boat in, and walke'
up Adams street. He turned at Sec
ond, and walked north. Five police
men were sitting in front of a build
ing at washington and Second. Tor
had never seen SO many cops in ri
life. He knew the building must b
the police station, He kept on walking
q Main, on the north side OF the street
An open door, from which streame
light attracted him, Tom didn't knox
it, hut it was the stage door to Lubreg'
theater. And a blood and thunde
melodrama was in full blast. Tom ma
: a sidewalk grand stand seat.
Just as Tom peeped In the door, on
Teller with a long black coat. long. blac
mustaches, a high hat and a derne
mean look pulled q pistol out Of hi
pocket, and derned If he didn't shoe
right at a nice lookin' feller with val
fell down, and the red stain. right owe
his heart showed where the bullet weT
in. The dark Teller showed the pistt
I'M his pocket, seized a purity girl this
was there, and started to run ava
with her.
But he didn't get away from Ton 81,
that at the foot OF Crowley's ridge.
Tom remembered the five cops. Pos
haste he fled for the police station
where he arrived GREATNESS.
Whats the natter" queried n
the comfortably sitting policemen.
d Puff-"fer Gawd's sake hurry"
puff puff-"they's a man'-puff--Pje
IS killed another feller'-puff-"ov,
4. there, and is runnin' '-puff-7''awa
l. with his woman" puffed Tom.
l. The roars of the cops still sounded
Toms ears three blocks away, aloI
% with their explanation, That's a IN
alter, you hayseed."
.o Tom got a job driving a mule car o.
North Second street, and over the o
Is road to Chelsea. He has a fine m
r torman, only every time his mule wou
IT lie down, Tom got mad, forgot his, ba
!" feet, Che used to take the brogans 9
near the end of the line where pa
sengers were few and STUDDED his t
kicking the mule up.
is Tom finally got on the police fore
where he welded a left-handed wall
,irl that soon gained him respect. He w
+ a devil with the ladies' in his old day
/, and many a bright smile he gathered
II the dashing gallant, as he trod t
bricks.
h. Later, Tom got so good at policing
or else the chief wanted to watch hi
cioser--so he was made turnkey
I, headquarters. This was after Tom for
ed the police department to put
he the hourly ne-report-by-Gam
well-system to keep up with him.
NJ During his career as turnkey, Tt
ed got to know more plain and fan
1d drinks by their first I'M than 1
best bartender in town.
as One night two flatties brought in
leI fancy drunk. He was a dude, He h
TO nnA ~ thOoa NrnI1au1 nm HE hot M lo
50 a vagrant breeze from blowing I
To kelly away. But, in the whirlwind
his head from the drink, the troll
lto had gotten around to the front pf
Tom started to search the drunk. ST.
Il SSeply r r. seized spisa Il tie trolley hansi
ne Hey, captain Tom called excite
ma ". Better get some detectives
=. this case. This man had a watch. /
II it's gone. See, here's his chain"
lia Better get the Memphis street /
in Tom, said Charlie Garybaldi, II
ne desk sergeant, That's his trolley
Tom never forgave Charlie for II
'tNa one.
he' Tom is a great pitch player--never
~, win. He plays a wonderful game. |
va he insists that his opponents 'fla'
n Tom is desk sergeant row, OF mig
na He worked so Tong at night that
y" sun blinds him when he comes outsi
\ He owns property in Rugby, In fact.
known as the mayor Of Rugby, so
~ see, titles mean nothing to him.
~ Tom tripped up Daredevil Die
Lawrerce, known from coast to co
as a bad br'rglar, one night on She
street, when that thoroughfare v
the Fifth venue OF Memphis, "Da
'nw devil Dick had beaten many comp