Free trader-journal. (Ottawa, Ill.) 1916-1920, 1919-05-05
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The Immemorial Secret

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Il just had to laugh at Tom" con.
| fidel the bride There it was right
before his eyes and he said he could
MT find it,"
My goodness" cried the lady who
had been married long time. Have.
MT you learned that men never can
find anything? It's the best thing
they do, Adam was smart enough to
start it, and all his descendants have
improved on the idea. Where in
thunder is that applet" Adam walled
helplessly. And that was where Eve
had to drop the seashell dishzs she
was scrubbing, murmur, Isn't a man
the dumbest creature and 20 and
hand it to him Pretty soft" re-
fiected Adam. saves eXertion and all
that"
This was one of the texts on which
he preached to Cain and Abel on one
OF the occasions when he remembered
that he was a father and should i'm
plant moral ideas and shed good adj
vice Never he told them, while
Eve was over at the neighbours, never
make the mistake of finding anything
you go TO look for! Because if you
do you'll have TO work hard at finding
things all the rest of your life! Why
it's a positive pleasure TO a woman 10
have to hunt for anything and you
should always be thoughtful and kind
to your mothers arsl wives and sis.
ters. and not deprive them of any
thing that would add to their happi-
ness. Look at me! I'm the model
husband on the earth and I've had
Eve search out everything the family
has ever wanted! Why, she'd be
just lost without that little job
Great idea of dads, said Cain
and Abel, and jotted it down in their
notebooks
1t has grown worse all the time,
sort of expanded with inheritance, as
it were, We've been married a
thousand years, more or less. and
never in that time has Henry sue.
ceeded in finding his umbrella when
he wanted it, He likes expensive
umbrellas. and in order to prevent
their being loaned to The milkman by
the COOK. or to the airy friends OF
my children who regard umbrellas
as their rightful prey Heury's UNI
brolla is alwGys kept in his clothes
closet upstairs. It never has rgposei
anywhere Else. Always it hangs on
a hook on the south wall Of the closet
unless it is standing n the corner
There is an excellent electric light
in the closet and space to move
around.
Nevertheless, this is the prcce-
dure when Henry looks W from the
breakfast table and notes that it is
raining HIM says Henry, Raining
is it?' He goss to the clothes closet
downstairs and l hear strange rat
things, thumps ard crashes. Finally
there is a muffled roar ard | run to .
find Henry buried amid a mass OF f.
coats, sweaters, tennis nets and mack
intoshos which he has yanked down
from all the shelves and hooks in his .
frenzy. Where's my umbrella he
wells, whom | dig him out. Some.
bodys taken my umbrella II those .
Kids
Horny ! say, in the deep, well .
modulated voice that | keep for emer- .
gencles, Won know your umbrella is
always in YOUR own closet Oh oays
Henry shortly, surprised al the news
lie shrugs into his coat and hat and .
tramps upstairs. Presently he shouts
down. Where dyuh say it was?' I
In your closet | call back | hear .
him depart from my close, where lie
has been conducting his search, and
enter his own.
Again he calls irrit3bly 1t isn't
here! | don't see IT., Look in the
corner | order. lie kicks out the
whole neat row of his shoes from
against the wall and shouts that the
umbrella isn't there. Then its on a
hook l answer.
Oh, great guns Henry calls
down in few seconds. I'm going to
miss my train and | tell you it isn't
here BY this time I'm upstairs and
! walk into the closet and cluck Hen