davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Practical Persons.

"You never hear Of anybody ad-
dressing a poem to his caddy."
mo"
"Still: there must be bonds of SYM
pathy and gratitude between many
golf players and their faithful cad
= dies" -:
"No doubt, but the average golf
player has neither the time nor the
ability to write poetry and the aver.
age caddy would rather be presented
with a dollar bill than a bound vol
ume Of eulOgies."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
1t Never Fails.

Mrs. Pester-I wish you'd wake me
in time for me to catch the Z O'Clock
train in the morning. But don't rouse
the whole household while you're do
ing it.
Her Husband-Very well, my dear
I'll take off my shoes and sneak up
stairs on tiptoe, same as always df
when l get in late at night.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
More Shape.

A boy was presented with some
young guinea pigs by his fathers
friend. Meeting the boy soon after,
The friend inquired about the pets.
"Well, Robbie, how are the guinea
Digs getting on; are they in good
shape?"
/. "They are just the same shape, only
bigger. r."-Osteopathic Magazine.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
An Indication.

sDo they take children in this apart
ment house?"
"They must. Some of the rooms
aren't large enough to accommodate
anybody but child"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
ASPIRIN FOR HEADACHE

Insist on "Bayer Tablets of Aspirin"
in "Bayer package" containing prop
er directions for Headache, Colds,
Pain, Neuralgia, Lumbago, and Rheu-
matism. Name "Bayer" means genuine
Aspirin prescribed by physicians for
nineteen years. Handy tin toxes of II
tablets cost few cents Aspirin is trade
mark of Bayer Manufacture of Mono
aceticacidester of Salicylicacid.-Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Disannninfed-

Bride-Sometimes I think that you
don't 1ove me any more.
Groom-Why, 1 love you just the
same as ever.
: Bride-Then 1 was right; you don't
.ove me any more than you did and !
thought your love would grow-boo
hOoi
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

d a q a CONTINUOUS
burning sensation in
the pit of my stom-
ach, with palpitation
of the heart so bad
at night that l could
not sleep. | became
very miserable and
nothing I took gave
me any relief. Some
one sent me one of
Dr.. Pierce's p a M
phlets through the
mail and | became
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
What a Dreadful Mistake!

Jack Potts-Sorry I couldn't get
home earlier, my dear. Poor old
Pete PARKWAY is dangerously sick in
bed and he sent for me to come and
zee him. Anyone here while I was
put? ...........
His Wife-Only poor old Pete Far
away. He dropped in to see you.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
0nIv Thtno His Own.

81 wonder will Smithers always al
Iude to his wife so lovingly as my
owA'?"
well. she is his own. Everything
else in his home he is paying for on
the installment plan" - Pearson's
Weekly.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

not be a bad year. Not half of civil
lied mankind but all mankind that has
not forgotten the meaning of civiliZa-
ton has been unseltiShly, heroically
engaged in the needful work of rid
ding the world OF a nOXiOus parasitic
growth, the poisonous fungus of mill
tarism. For those who gave them
selves to this essential work it will be
a good year. For all who are suffer-
ing that the years to come may be
happier and healthier the year will be
4 good year.
February will bring its crystal
brightness. April will spread her
feast of flowers. June will display her
green perfection of beauty. August
will offer the ripening grains; October
the laden orchards. The year will
take no heed of the crime that has
been done by man or of the vengeance
that marched ineXOrably.
DOETS died in the trenches of Gal
L lipoli and France, watching Gods
sunrise or the wispy clouds in the
blue. British gentlemen caked with
the mud of Flanders wrote detailed re-
ports of their observations of miSra-
tory birds and of the effect of drum
fire on bird life. French students and
scholars, bearded and dirty, made
careful notes Of the flora of the
Meusa and the SOmme.
These men visited OlympuS and did
not fall asleep while the gods con-
versed. Neither did they permit the
roar of mans fury to drown out the
divine voices.
SO it must be a good year that is
ahead. There can be no bad years.
The. years are measured by God and
not by the evil that men do.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Not Even Started,

"What remedy do you suggest for
our economic iilS?"
"None. 1 haven't even been able. to
discover an absolutely reliable remedy
for q cold"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
She Was Particular.

Psmear, the Painter-That is your
ful-length portrait just finished.
p Mrs. Newgilt-H'm! The dress fits
pretty we'll in front. Turn the canvas
around and let me see how it hangs
in the back
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
The Cause Of Poverty,

Little Arthur-Father, why are so
many people poor?
Father-Eecause they like to pre-
end that they can afford tic thiEgs
they can't afford, my bOy.-London
Answers
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
The Reason.

Nervous exhaustion seems so prev.
alent just now"
Eyes, since the automobile came
in people are lot more run down."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Polk Miller's
Liver Pills
Radio Made Compulsory.

Greece has required the radio equip
ment on all cargo ships of 1000 or
more tons dead weight capacity and
on all cargo ships of 1000 or more
tons.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

ton of completeness, and by even a
partial comprehension of its fullness
we may move toward fulfillment of the
measure of our lives.
II am not afraid" said Thoreau,
that 1 shall eXaggerate the value and
significance Of life, but that l shall not
be up to the occasion which it is.
shall be sorry to remember that was
there, but noticed nothing remarkable
not so much as prince in disguise {;
lived in the golden age hired man !;
visited Olympus even, and fell asleep
after dinner, and did not hear the con-
versation of the gods"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
How He Got the Last Word.

"Well, 1 had the last word in ar
argument with my wife last night"
"That so? How did you get it?'
81 admitted 1 was entirely tt
blame"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
a Painful Operation,

did you hear that our old friend
had been superseded?"
You don't say so? Did they give
him an anesthetic?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
The Help There.

81 suppose they make up the oyster
beds with sheets of water, but who
does it?"
1.-THE mer-maids, of course, BOBBY
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
The Way of Ii.

"That young man is very Illogical
about his preference for blondes OF
brunettes.'
"How do you mean"
"If he prefers blondes, he keeps II
a dark secret, and when he's flirting
with brunettes, he makes light of it. y
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

When most people talk they waste a
lot of valuable time in giving unneces-
sary details.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Her Experience.

He-I see where lot Of military
prisoners have gone on hunger
strike.
She-Tn bet none of 'em is mar
ried.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
HeIoino the Author,

Jones-Well, did you get a check
from your publisher?
Rones-Yes, just a card saying ;
Give 0s @ rest."-Cartoona Mnga
Sine,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

interested at once inthe Golden Medical
Discovery The first few doses of it gave
me the first relief l had had in months
and took three bottles of it, which made
me feel like different man. In eighteen
years I have not had to diet or deprive
myself of anything to eat, and my appe-
tite is always good, so | know that l
have been cured of my stomach trouble.
j. F. Bowles, R. F. D. l, Box AZ.
Thin Blood, Run Down, Nervous, Gall Stones
Fairmont, W. Va.-"My wife became
a;ling from complication of diseases; she
and had other ills. / had wait on her
five weeks, day and night. My time lost
from work and money spent cost me
about sixty-fve dollars. purchased a
bottle of DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery, which gave her strength and
ambition; also a great number of gall
stones came from her, which she did not
know she had The Golden Medical Dis
covery' is more than it is claimed to be;
it is worth five cents drop to the run
down and debilitated system. ."-Solomon
Efaw, r. F. D. 6.
- Indigestion and Stomach
Linside, W. Va-'T had been a suf-
ferer from Indigestion and stomach trouble
for over five months, nothing I ate agreed
with me and I could not sleep well at
night I used four packages of DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery and
received the greatest of results from its
use. [ am using DR.. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets now and find them to give good
satisfaction. Mrs Hattie Boyd, R. F. d.
l, Box AZ.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Couldn't Afford 1t.

Hewitt--Do you believe in physical
culture?
Jewett-No; I Joined a class once
and I outgrew my clothes like 9
blamed kid.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

Food for thought may be found in
empty cupboards.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
The Cuticura Toilet Trio.

Having cleared your skin keep it clear
by making Cuticura your. everyday
toilet preparations. The soap to cleanse
and purify, the Ointment to soothe and
heal, the Talcum to powder and per-
fume. No toilet table is complete
without them. 25c everywhere.-Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

Mrs. Pester-Have you forgotten
that this is our wedding annivers-
ary?"
Mr.. Pester-What a pessimist you
are to brood over such subjects.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

II your eyes smart or feel scalded, Ro.
man Eye Balsam applied upon going to bed
is just the thing to relieve them. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

A baldheaded man is always telling
you how he had a fever and lost his
hair.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

How They Love Each Other.
Ethel-How do look in this dress?
Marie-Charming, dear. Isn't it
wonderful how much a dress can Go
for one?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

Thick tongues are responsible for
lot of thin ideas.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

1t is easy to tell when the majority
Is in the wrong. 1t is when you are in
the minority
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

Indigestion produces dsagreeable an0
sometimes alarming symptoms. Wright's
Indian Vegetable Pills stimulate the diges-
tive processes to function naturally. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

If Strengthened out, an ounce of
Spiderweb would extend over $50
miles
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Wronn i'm Their Methods.

Too many alleged gay dogs used to
set the new year bad example,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

Many a train of thought carries no
freight.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

~
badly that at times
/ could not be on
my feet and it did
not seem as though
I could stand it. l
tried differ e n t
medicines without
any benefit and
several doctors
told me nothing
but an operation
would do me any
good. My drug
gist told me of
Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound. / took
it with the result
that | am now we'll
and strong I get
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
WOMAN WORKS
IS HOURSADAY
Marvellous Story cf Woman's
Change from Weakness
to Strength by Taking
Druggists Advice

Peru, Ind.-"T suffered from a dis
placement with backache and dragging
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

p" HE coming year lies spread
like the white plain that
"a sweeps from the roadside to
the distant forest where the
gray squirrels are making tracks in the
light snow. On this white sheet a lit
tie record may be written; not a full
life story, but merely a brief chapter
or two.
1t is great mystery that lies ahead
a treasure house of endless possibili-
ties. The span of a mans life is
short; shorter in absolute measure
ment than the span of year. For
each year, when October fades into
November, has wrought completeness.
No human life can bring completeness.
1t cannot bring completeness of knowl-
edge or completeness of happiness or
completeness of good works. The best
man can do, in his poor, limited way,
Is to CLEAN as much wisdom and win
as much happiness and do as much
good as the number of his days per-
mits. When the human October fades
it may thus be rich and peaceful and
without the scars of stormy days or
the blight of wasted days and without
undue regret that what should have
been seen and known and done has not
been seen and known and done.
A YEARS completeness is but
L n twelvemonth. Our human incom
pleteness covers many twelvemOnths.
How fortunate that each dawning year
means a new opportunity to live and
learn. Again and again we may take
up the thread and advance toward the
goal of apprehension. We may study
Gods works and year by year come
nearer to an appreciation of them. We
can never fully appreciate them, for
our minds are finite, and they are in
finite. But each succeeding year is a
new opportunity. 1t offers the perfec-
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

up In the morning at four o'clock, do my
housework, then go to factory and work
all day, come home and get supper and
feel good I don't know how many of
my friends I have told what Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Ia
done for me."-MRs. ANNA METERIANo
36 West 10th ST., Peru, Ind.
Women who suffer from any such all
ments should not fail to try this famous
root and herb remedy, Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
High Notes.

Money talks"
"With what sort Of voice."
"T2nner."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Advice,

Remember this, when duty calls
1t never pays to shirk;
You're lodging opportunity
When you are lodging work.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Hee-HaW!

"Blank is simply an educated jack
ass" "a burro Of information, so to
speak.'-BostOn Post.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
GET READY.
FOR FLU"
Keep Your Liver Active, Your
System Purified and Free From
Colds by Taking Calotabs,
the Nausealess Calomel
Tablets, that are De-
/ lightful, Safe and
Sure.

Physicians and Druggists are advis-
ing their friends to keep their systems
purified and their organs in perfect
working order as a protection against
the return of influenza. They know
that a clogged up system and a lazy
liver favor colds, influenza and serious
complications.
To cut short a cold overnight and to
prevent serious complications take one
Calotab at bedtime with a swallow of
water-that 8 all. No salts, no nausea,
no gripping, no sickening after effects.
Next morning your cold has vanished,
your liver is active, your system is puri-
fed and refreshed and you are feeling
fine with hearty appetite for break
fast. Eat what you please-no danger.
Calotabs are sod only in original
sealed packages, price thirty-five cents.
Every druggist is authorized to refund
your money if you are not perfectly
delighted with Calotabs.-(Adv.)
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26
Stomach Trouble,
SIeepless, Palpitation"

billions Mills, Va.-"Some years ago ]
suffered with nervous Indigestion and ]
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

~ NE who loves only artificiality,
~ who does not note the excellence
of the world he has been set to rule,
proves himself unworthy of his herit-
age, and is punished by bitter unrest.
His life lacks the boon of contentment
which includes all bOOns. There are,
or course, tie few whose mental scope
is too narrow for self-meaSurement.
They do not even know that they are
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1919-12-26

The harder IL man works the less
time he has to whine.
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
REVOLUTION IN OLD EGYPT
Records Tell of Uprising Which Evil
IDENTIFY Ended unhappily for the
Rebelious Citizens.

A recently deciphered papyrus
shows pretty revolutionary sIArit
among the Egyptians in the year 1000
b. c., or nearly 1000 years before
the French thought of an upheaval.
The period is between the old and the
middle kingdom, and an Egyptian
sage plaintively invites the king to
save his people in telling him of the
conditions of the country. He tells
him that 'that is past which yester-
day could be seen. The land turns
like potters wheel. The noble cry
out and the poor are full of joy. Each
town says. Let us drive the strong
from without our midst! Those who
wore clothes are now in rags. Noble
women trail through the land, and
housewives say, Had we only some
thing to eatr The poor pos
sess lordly things, and those who
could buy themselves no sandals now
lave treasure. The people
have dethroned the king and perse-
cuted his officials" That the revolu-
ton was success seems hardly TO
have been the case. for the papyrus
goes on to say that laughter has gone ;
misery is in the land; big and small
say, "If only We're dead"
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
BEFORE Gay OF GUNPoWDER
Soldiers Were Capable of Doing Con.
siderable Execution With the
Bow and Arrow.

The first "gun" used in warfare was
undoubtedly the Observation-Disclosures
of the type having reflex composite
bow made of wood, sinew, horn o.
whalebone, and wound up with q
rachel or "cranneouin." which slipped
on over the stock and was held in
place by loop controlled by n trans
verse peg In the stock just behind the
lock-
This weapon reached its highest
development in Germany under Maxi
milan, when 1t had steel bow OF
immense power. There is one in the
Boston museum with bow OF over
two and one-half inches wide and near
ly three-fourths of an inch thick. In
central Europe, France and Spain the
bow was not used much save by the
people who came under Mohammedun
intlu> The cross-bow being much
easier weapon to use, 1t was forbidden
in England to anyone not having 4
certain income, in order that the yeo-
men and common people should be
forced to use the long bow. which in
military purposes was vastly superior
on account of the rapidity of its fire,
although outranged by the crossbow.
1t had one great advantage of light
ness. A military crossbow with wind
lass weighs about 20 pounds.
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
Not iclentiy Cooked.

A hunter, more boastful than sue
cessful, once Joined a bear-hunting sx-
pedition. During the hunt, ms this
man was resting by the side Of a
rock and talking with another hunter,
he remarked:
III there's anything dote on, It's
bear. A slice OF bear steak nicely
done Is perfect"
"Well." said his companion. looking
up, I'm hanged II there isn't a bear
now!"
The man who "doted on bear" looked
up. saw an immense grizzly standing
on the top of the rock, gave yell and
leaped into the woods and disappeared
His companion soon overlook him. and
said to the fugitive as he came up:
~ thought you liked bearT
"Well. l do" said the runaway; 'but
that one amt done enOugh!"
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
No MAN., , Hero to ui. Wife,

While the fire that destroyed the
four-stOry Stillman department store
In Muncie recently was at Its height
an excited woman called police head
quarters, saying that her husband, a
workman. was supposed to be repair
Ing the roof on the Stillman building
and she feared he might have perished
In the flames. A policeman who In
vestigated found that the man In ques-
tion not only had escaped but had
helped to save a woman clerk who was
In danger. The officer Informed the
wife of this, thinking she would not
only be relieved but proud Of the hus-
band. Instead she snapped back I:
"What was my husband doing on the
roof with womanf-Indianapo
News.
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
LONG-LOST BELL TOLLS AGAIN
Restored After Mysterious Disappear
ance Of More Than a Quarter
OF a Century.

Exactly n quarter of century, to
the day, after the old bell that rang
In the church on Cheniere Caminada
went down in the awful storm that
wrecked the settlement, 1t rang again
on Grand Isle last October as the party
that came to dedicate the new church
on the island stepped ashore from the
boat, snys the New Orleans Picayune-
This bell has an interesting history.
Father D'Esplnosa brought to the
beach the costly plate of his family
But on Caminada beach there was
little use for costly silver so 1t was
sold and the proceeds used to purchase
n bell for the church.
After the storm the bell lay neglect
ed in the barren sand. Archbishop
Chapelle ordered the bell returned 10
the Caminada people.
Then came mysterious event. One
morning the bell disappeared and for
all these years its location was un-
known, except perhaps to those who
had secreted 1t.
The tones Of the bell now float over
the same waters and lands-lands and
waters famous in the history of Pirate
Lnfitte.
Gilpin observer., 1919-12-04
WHERE THE ROMANS BUILT
Site Of Old City Of cirta, Italy, De-
scribed as Place Of Mourn
full Grandeur.

The site on which the city Of Cirta
stands rises sharply from the south
to the north. 1t is a terrible
height. Looking up from the little
footpath running round the gorge at a
distance of a few hundred yards from
the bottom, the great rock looms up
like most tragic fate. The mournful
grandeur of the place is in keeping
with the character of Masinissa and
other stern and savage chieftains' and
the uncomprOmising times In which
they lived.
The gorge Of the Rummel is mar.
row. rarely more than some hundred
yards across, and straight. Frag.
ments of Roman ruins still cling to its
precipitous sides wherever lOdgment
can be found Along the north side
the water has burrowed deep down
through a series Of caverns until II
reaches the Kasba. The Romans took
advantage of the natural arch thus
formed at the angle of the two sides,
using the arch as its foundation to
erect magnificent bridge, known
here, as were the bridges at Toledo.
the Calceus Herculis near Biskra, and
elsewhere, as eel Kantara," the
Bridge. Its ruins still remain.-
Cyril Fletcher Grant, in "Twixt Sand
and Sea-"