The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-08-28
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~ N B RAM s.

<NA% thankful for a. TIL
~ following (true
story proves. Ii
our bailiwick ther,
lived . woman named Brown. Sh,
had small son who was q source d
yexation to her. No worse Thar
other boys, just full of mischief. On
day he pulled some sort of stunt TIM
displeased her and she decided to %;
ply the rod. The boy, wise to iii
preparations (from previous expert
cnce) hid under the porch. The wo.
man got pole and punched him out
(as we used to punch rabbits from
holler logs). The boy took to biz
heels and was soon beyond pursuit,
The mother (terribly vexed) shook
her fist at the rapidly disappearing
form of her hopeful and in an angry
voice exclaimed, run, you little, Ab-
raham Lincoln Brown, run dern yoii,
you'll be hung some day, thank the
Lord for that" NH
A party asked me who won the
war, and l says to him says I, How
can you (after lookin' at my amaciat-
ed form) ask me such damphool;
question-who won the war, huhw
read of a man who was burned
fatally recently while fightin' . fire.
His shirt tail caught fire and before
help arrived he was burned as above
stated. opine that his shirt must
have been 1913 model as the shirts
they are putin out now have no tails
to speak of. l don't believe man
could back up close enough to 4
blaze to burn the tail OF his shirt
without blisterin' the calves of his
'laigs.'
Somebody sent me Wilson's IA
points for my consideration. By
golly, l wish some one would have
the temerity to send me ID pints.
could then decide about as intelli-
gently as any one l know of (Which
the same amt sayin' none too much
If people would pay more atten-
tion to their own affairs and let their
neighbors alone. And if men and
women would think more of their
good names than of havin' "a good
time" and if-but what's the use.
They just naturally won't.
ITO Cut Obey From Wedding
Ceremony" Headline. Well, why
when they said it.
Two couples of young folks had to
spend night in the police station for
"spoonin' p" on the highway and yet
we call this the land of freedom and |
the home of-(further talk would be |
superfluous.)
You may laugh, you may sneeze
At Sunbeams-if you will
But when Gabe toots his horn
I'll be writin' 'em still.
l just wonder if the fanatics who |
are so zealously engaged in putin
]. Barley Corn out of biz ever stopped |
to think what will become of fellow
should he happen to be bitten by a |
snake. Several kinds of snakes in
this neck of the>woods besides joint
and hoop snakes.
A party asked me this question
"Jim," said he, lust what is an 'ig-
noramus'?". "Why, your poor fish"
says |, IAN ignoramus is person
who didn't know that the war of 1872
wasn't revolutionary war;" us he
very numerous?" he then asked.
Fortunately he is not" l replied.
occasionally the fool-killer lets one
get by. But the breed is fast disap-
pearin' from the land"
l notice that jury valued MI.
Ford's reputation at six cents. Hav-
ing ridden in one of Ford's apologies
for an automobile until have lost all
my teeth and suffered from numerous
carbuncles | am of the opinion that
the jury valued his rep too highly.
Accordin' to the Good Book (said
a friend to me) we are commanded
if smote on the right cheek to turn
the left one also. Correct, old tim
err" says l. But" said he, "if you
smote me on one side of my phiz,
would you expect me to give YOU a
crack at the other?" "No, no." said
|. And why not" he asked. Be
cause, says !, lust because you
wouldn't be able. You would be too
termed busy turnin' summersets.", ;
Uh-hu. Quite so. . I.
It is said to be quite fad in New
York for womkn to appear in public
bare legged" though otherwise fully ;
dressed. Out here in the wild and
vooly it is quite the thing for (some) ,
women to appear on the street wear
ng plenty of stockin's though other
wise plentifully undressed.
This question is asked in the Bible,
Can two people walk together unless
hey be agreed?" You will find the :
nswer in the divorce court records. IL
understand they put some Of
lords hired help on the witness 1
tand to prove that he (Ford) could
cad and write, but I'll bet none Of | Z
I'm would testify that Ford ever. {
'uilt an automobile.
a pastor says, Hell is on earth. =
Headline. This will be no news to | i
IS folks who have been ON earth dpr- .
ng Mr.. Hoover's administration. :
Anyway, says l. it's safer, q 20
parkin' in an auto than it was with
Q be 90 careful Of what You & ~. i
low %! do you ask. Why, yod o0or :
imp. don't you know that koetes !
airy tails7 II