East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1919-04-17

Rt&N@fRA Va c%AtEtttC tf<fNttAAtle
Observing his hesitation. the jndge
said:
"woula YOU IKE to ask me aues-
tion?,
Eyes, your honor" replied the juror
eagerly .I'd be very glad il you'd tell
me whether the prisoner really stole
the watch"
Mick's eyes glistened as his friend
Pat brought out the bottle.
..Shure, now, Mick. say when"
Pat remarked at he slowly poured.
Time passed. but as Mick remained
tongue tied Pat stopped and started,
"Begorra, say when. Can't~ye see
oi'm pouring out9' remarked Pat.
letting a few more drops fall.
"wh-wh- VIII -wh-when,'' exclaimed
Mick at last
'.Shure. Oi didn't know yer stam-
mered," remarked Pat, attending to his
own glass.
"Bedad. OF don't as rule" replied
Mick, smiling, "but, shure now, Oh
can't help it on special occasions"
One night an old negro heard flut-
ter among his poultry.
$50 / takes down my gun" he says,
"an' creeps long in de dark. De doah
of my chicken house is wide open an
1 sticks de revolvah inside an says,
'Ef 70, don't come outen thev'n nisgah
who's in dere. 1 Jest blow yo' black
head to pieces"
.'He don't let on. an 1 shout out
agen, Who's dahe"
Den heah that erim'n'l niggah say
squeakly. like e was jest gwin to cry,
It's on'y us chickens"
Jimmy has just annihilated the
whole Germany army and he was put
ting his leaden warriors back into
their respective boxes, when his row
ing eye glanced upward and spotted
a large, black fiercelooking invader.
..Father.-' he cried. excitedly,
there's a great big spider on the cell
ing"
Jimmy's father, who is professor,
was busy at the moment, and answer
ed, without raising his eyes; step on
it, Jimmy. my boy. and do not inter-
rupt me-"
II Works Both Ways.
'How much being in the army has
improved your boy Josh!''
"Come to notice. said Farmer
Corntossel, .'you are right. hadn't
considered 1t that way. i was too
busy thinkin' about how much Josh's
bein' in it had improved the army"
Washington Star.
Answered.
why do people say. AS dead as a
door nail?-' asked the Boob. why
is a door nail any deader than any
other nail?'
Because it has been hit on the
head, / suppose" replied the Cheerful
Idiot t"-Cincinnat Enquired.
Easy.
"It is easy to be one sort of philos-
opher.''
''Huh?"
Easy to deduce that mans mis-
fortunes are his own fault."-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
Unfailing Symptoms.
Nose Lightfoot--Wamnin'l
Wash. Lincoln--Mawnfn'l
How is yo' all dis mawnin' Pr
s.Ah got a misery"
Where 'bouts?" l
gonna fall right down in nah tracks,"
Fall right DOWN.
"Yassah.''
Man alive, yo' all got de dropsy."
youngstown Telegram.
Resentment.
THAT minister sho'ly done los his
self an invitation to dinner at my
house." remarked Mr.. Erastus Pink
ley
''How?''
"Preachin' de way he did bout the
sinfulness of havin' chicken dat you
had to get out after sundown an dis
cover foh yohse'f. Washington
Star
Fodder.
Parliamentary Candidate--We must
grow more wheat and
Heckler in Crowd-Yes, but what
about hay?
Candidate-Im discussing human
food now, but I'll come to your spe-
cialty in moment.-London Opin-
ion.
Sacred to Tradition. l
Old Brown. sadly Cat his first re-
vue)-Ah. everything is different |
from what 1t was in my young days.
Old Smith-Except the jokes.
Brown. except the jokes.--London
Opinion.