davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

the country. now has ~dry banquets, or at least Is supposed to. 1t seemed ap- propriate that one of the skits should be on "Moonshine."
 A company of moonshiners preparing some brew" was shown and some of the dialogue included the following -Jabs":
 "A gridiron dinner is not the place for that sort of thing"
 There ain't no place where it's more needed"
 Speaking of books on the subject l see by the papers that the prohibition enforcement agenks raided the &fice of The Saturday Evening Post and confiscated six installments of Henry Watterson's memoirs"
 Has it got any kick in it?"
 Kick. well you ought to see the way 1t keeled over Morris Sheppard and wes Jones the other day."
 T sec Vice President Marsharl.s here. Did you hear him order the Senate gall leries cleared tho other day when we cheered Jim Reed?"
 -oh. yes. thatAs the oldest Moonshine around here."
 T suppose you read that Josephus Daniels thinks he has a presidential boomr"
 That's Moonshine off q green cheese"
 Speaking for the old Solid Demo- cratic Rarty, I nominate the best known moonshine dispenser of the day, MT. Win H. Hays, chairman of the Repub- 1ican National Committee"
 -on behalf of the United States Re- publican Party, progressive and reac- ionary factions. I suggest there is no
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
COMPARATIVE POVERTY

COMPARATIVE POVERTY T don't suppose there ever was human being who didn't dream of be- ing rich some day. remarked MT. Gadspur.
 T don't agree with you.- said MT. Dubwaite. 'rake my case. for in- stance-s
 What? Your. Exactly. Tn my fondest. dreams I have never imagined myself possess ing more than million dollars" BRIEFLY TOLD 'what caused the firer' Usual combination" replied th&
 man of few words -Yes7-
 Garage. can of gasoline, lighs cigaretta bonehead. bang!- A FoRCEFUL REMINDER nave you "ltten letter to Santa Claus yetrr
 ~No.- replied Mrx Twcbble, ~but ev- cry time Henry and I pass furrier's shop. my pensive air is more eloquent than words" PROBABLY A -wHrTE coILAR- MANI
 Flows Jobbles getting alongy. Poorly. Jobbles is like many other people about here.s
 'How is that~ ~He has non-refillable purse.-
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT THE CONTRAST OF
 ONEONTA COURTROOM WITH GRIDIRON DINNER

lNNTAsHrNGToN. December 1s-espe. WY eial-'--rransfornAtion from ali Oneonta courtroom to the great banquet hall fo the, Gridiron club here within week is indeed a joy. Every thing here is pleasant and delightful Public men are roasted. both in speech and in cartoons but no one here has ever heard of another such libel suit as that of oneonta history. Here the jokes, the roasts, the ludicrous caricaturss are Imaginable and the parties roasted or caricatured are too good sports to squeal or seek. monetary damages
 # x #
 The annual Gridiron club dinner this evening was perhaps never equalled, but as only the performances of the club members can be told, am giving 1t in the language of one who wrote the story in advance. Here 1t is:
 The Gridiron club had its little eve ming of fun with public men and things at its opening winter dinner tonight
 Headed by Vice President Marshall, cabinet members, ambassadors and ministers of the diplomatic corps and members of Congress, a large guest list included scores of men well known in public and private life.
 Nothing was spared from the tradi- tional gridiron. Tho railroad problem, prohibition. the labor situation, wom- an suffrage reform and other topics in the public eye came in for their share of good-humored treatment.
 Members of the club, principally Washington correspondents, took the parts of the actors in the skits which did the "Gridironing'' on these sub jects.
 # # #
 AS the capital like the remainder of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
HENRY M. EDMMONDS

So John Barleycorn's fate is to ne decided Monday. Even If there is a -wet" interval. constitutional prohibi- tion Is So near that 1t will hardly he worth while to unscrev the lid of Johns coffin.
 birmingham is declared . wicked place by a law enforcement offic.r from Montgomery. Had he been q, evangelist he might have called if A Sodom or a Gomorrah.
 E E E
 An eastern writer accidentally shot himself while trying to act a scene in a story he was writing. So many au- tnors are absent-minded. He didn't know it was loaded.
 The millennium may no be upon us but it cant be far away. A New yort woman was ffned-and paid-ssoo for failing to heat three apartment houaea leased by her.
 6irmfnghams welcome to Genera1 Pershing was none the less enjoyable to him because somebody with brains pro- vided plenty of debutantes.
 < 4 * Large numbers of provincials ara re. ported Hooking to New York to ga. -Aphrodite." They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
 < x *
 With farm crops worth more than s14,ooo. .ooo,ooo. Uncle Sam should vor- ry about the revenue he is losing from brewers and distillers
 F F $ Having feasted on Alabama ,possum, General Pershing is entitled to the highest degree conferred by the Exalt- ed Society of Epicures.
 * * N* How touching it is to see Emma cling to her Alex! If Emma were younger and better looking, ono would almost say-but no! * x * Christmas shoppers are everywhere. 'tis true, but there is usually room for the latest conner at the diamond coun- ter.
 * x * DAnnunzio, it is stated, win not try to extend his conquests. Gabe cher ishes no dream of sMittel-Europa"
 * * * Coal Is dirty. True, but when the stuff is scarce who wouldn't clasp . huge lump to his bosom?
 e * E Just because man has seen every thing is no reason why he should drink wood alcohol and go blind.
 T as & If Carranza Is a misunderstood man it Is high time he were hiring a com petent press agent
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
How to Be a Heavyweight

AUW 10 bc deaVyWeASnt Morris Bush wants to be a heavy weight and he has discovered the se- cret of acquiring the avoirdupois of a general Join the marines.
 ~one of the -shouldered main suueezes in the army told me the night Pershing was in town," MT. Bush said, that the marine corps recuits at Paris Island, s. C., actually became so heavy after their training at the re- chruit deport that they literally burst out of their clohing. I can imagine one of hem in Tuxedo bearing a dis- tinct resemblance to Doc Shropshire.
 This army officer told me that re- gently general in the marine coros inspected detail of recruits about to leave for foreign duty. He found that many coats would not hook at the neck and buttons were strained to the bursting point Even the sleeves were too tight for the well-muscIed arms"
 Will MT. Bush enlist in the marine corps? He will not.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
THE LOVERS TEARS.

By William Shakespeare. So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives
 not
 To those fresh morning drops upon
 the rose As thy eye-beams. when their fresh
 rays have smote The night of dew that on my checks
 down flows; Nor shines the silver moon one-haif so
 bright
 Through the transparent bosom of
 the deep, As doth thy face through tears of mine
 give light: Thou shinest in every tear that do
 weep; No drop but as coach doth carry thee, So ridest thou triumphing in my woe: Do but behold the tears that swell in
 me-, And they thy glory through my grief
 will show: But do not love myself; then thou wilt
 keepsA My tears for glasses. and stiil mako me 0 queen of queens. how far aest thou excel; No thought can think. nor tsasue of
 mortal tell
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

Ike an old football player, he rather semed to enjoy the scrimmage until he was finally rescued and shown to his car,
 By this time I was beginning to warm up 10 him, so went on down to the southern club, where he was to speak to the American Legion. He was standing on the front porch, and walked up and introduced myself. and then my boy, Frank Willis. The general shook handl with him most cordially, and said, 'sWhy you are already as big as your fathsa2 There is one thing sure, the general
 one booster in Birmingham who M never forget him. for it was some feather 1n the cap Of a 14-year-o1d youngster to be told by the ranking army official and hero of the war that he was as big as his daddy.
 The thing which touched me most dur ing the visit of the general was the sight of the men of the American Legion of Honor, who had assembled to honor him. In the crowd saw some of my younx friends who went proudly away to France in the zenith of their spleniid young manhood in possession of everything which goes to physical wen being: but now they sat with . sleeveless arm. or when they arose marched out with the unmistakable clank of men who had left limb on the battlefield. And thep thought of some of our very choicest who sleep beneath the sod of France, and was sobered and saddened and yet proud that Birmingham furnished such heroes at the can of their country.
 There was . sober note which ran through the talk of the general to the men who had done so Loyalty their pact to help him win his victories, but at timeS1 he lit up his speech with bits of humo4 Ia am told that laughter steps on the path where sorrow has trodden. for ifN this was impossible we would bs sub merged by our griefs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
THE COMPOUND VERB

THE COMPOUND VERB You have not seen | Life's brightest side l Till you have Texas | Punkin- pied l-Judd Lewis in Houston Chronicle. 1 And even then l Joy isn't grapp1ed l Till you have Penn Sylvania-scrappled. Charley Leedy, in Youngstown Tele- | gram. Still more have | With pleasure chfrruped | Who have Ohi- | o map1e-syruped!
 Ted Robinson. in the Cleveland Plain | Dealer. This life for you Has never blossoned Unless you've All Abama 'possumed- A DISTINGUISHED FAMILY | How are the Piltonburvs getting
 along with reduced staff of serv- | antsT' -Dreadfu1ly. to judge from the way
 the old dowager talks -rYes" ''She confided to some of her most
 intimate friends that her own darling daughters might soon be answering bells. sweeping floors and cooking
 meals If that ever comes to pass, I fear she will turn up her aristocratic
 toes and join her blue-blooded ances-
 tors who were noted for their ability to dodge work and bill collectors"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
COMPETENT AT LAST

-How long has this reporter been on the staff?"
 ~Oh. long enough to become really useful as a news gatherer.~
 What do you meanr-
 He has passed through the period of aspiring to write the Great Amer ican Novel; or the Great American Play and is now able to concentrate his mind on police court item"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
DEFINED

What is artistic temperament, any howr
 'Tn tell you what it is.- answered the veteran stage manager. 4Tt's what enables a star to make her exit with every woman in the house crying over her because she's so sweet and good and then swear at a stage hand who interrupts her stately progress to her dressing .room."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
GEN. PERSHINGS VISIT-By Frank Willis Barnett

The freedom of the city was given tc General John J. Pershing on Friday in honor of his great exploits in France and in honor of his high rank in Amer ica; but if he ever comes this way again the town will be his on account of his democracy and charming personality Some men need rank to give luster to their names, but "Black Jack" Persh- ing gives luster to rank by being as l modest as he is great. It was his total lack of poise, his freedom from any, thing like aloofness, which gave out such an unmistakable air of natural ness and sincerity which won the hearts of all who came within his pres ence.
 I confess that whom I heard he was going to pay us visit I was without enthusiasm, for somehow the legend had grown up around him that he was cold and formal and having had some experience with officers of high rank and their staffs, just imagined that a civilian would be mighty small pota- toes" and having been "fed up" on such stuff during war times. I was willing to pass it up in peace times.
 A
 I was busy at the interchurch world movement and turned down a chance to go out with party to meet General Pershing at Leeds. and when the hour of his arrival came I was SO indiffer- ent that I wouldn't even go down to the Terminal, but just took my stand at the Fifth avenue entrance of the Tutwiler to get glimpse of him as he passed, with the expectation of going home and getting good book and spending quiet evening in the midst of my family.
 But when Mercer Barnetts car. in which he was seated, hove in sight saw that it was tree and easy affair, for "newsies" and kids of all rank and size were hopping on and off the run ming board shaking hands and twitter- ing with glee like a bunch of English sparrows take a dust bath in the streets with the traffic coming and go- ing all about them, one little rascal bragging even to the general, "I dun shaken hands with you three times" There were no secret service men along to keep, the crowd at respectful dis tance and looking mad because they hadn't the power to shut out their precious charge even from the sight of the populace.
 How love jam and a push when everybody is in good humor and form
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
ADVENTURE

When the freight gleams
 On hearth and wall And the lowering shades
 Of evening fall. With we'll l-thumbed book And an easy chair, For the blustery night / What do we care? Above the beat
 Of the winter rain Buccaneers clash
 On the Spanish Main, Or we follow brave knights Der land and sea. In the spacious days
 Of chivalry.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

BEGINNING OF THE DAY--Lord, prepare me now for the great bur- dcns and the great battles thnt must come after awhile. Lay a deep, strong foundation for me. Build into me the solid timbers. For there is long labor to perform and giant shocks to sustain.--H. Nj. K.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Pawnbrokers Utter
 Words of Wisdom
x < a

1E1 VEN the pawnbrokers are re- A ported shaking their heads and saying, Business is no good. Every body has too much money"
 But they don't stop there Pawn brokers are canny lot. Were they otherwise, they would not be doing business under the sign of the three golden balls, dating back to the days of trade guilds when goldsmiths were also money lenders. Being intelligent men and possessed of foresight, the pawnbrokers predict that there will be reaction, that the bottom will fall out" and normal times return.
 This is no idle fancy of the estim- able money lenders who are in their way such good friends to erring and lmprovident humanity. The pendulum Is going to swing back. Millions of people who have acquired the spend ing habit and take no thought of the morrow are going to resort in droves to the pawnbrokers. Others in worse cases will fall into the clutches of loan sharks. Incidentally, there is a nice distinction to be made between the two classes of money lenders.
 Are the American people laying anything by for that inevitable rainy day? From all appearances they are not. The orgy of extravaganza con- tinues unabated. Warnings are un- needed and really it seems a waste of time to make them. Blessed is he who prepares for the lean years that are to come, for he will not mortgage his property or resort to the sign of the three balls in desperate attempt ~ pay lOI -llS IOllY.
 x a %
 Birmingham's Unaffected
 Welcome to >Pershing
 & ONE well-meaning persons, with " the best intentions in the world. make their hospitality a bore to it's recipients. Those Birmingham citi- zens who had charge of the arrange ments for entertaining General Per shing on his recent visit may hatter themselves that they made the occa- ton enjoyable to everyone who par ticipated, including the distinguished guest of honor.
 There was delightful absence of fcrmality. The programme was car- ried out with clocklike precision, with out delays or blunders. The diffi- culty of such an achievement was all the greater because of the fact that General Pershin arrived after night fan and his entire visit lasted only about five hours. In spite of the limited time at his disposal, oppor- tunity was given everyone in Bir- mingham to see General Pershing in . short parade through brilliantly lighted streets ined'by humanity.
 Instead of being talked into a semi comatose state by windy orators in love with the sound of their own voices, and being forced to talk re- peatedly himself, General Pershing was let off with few well-chosen re- marks, delivered in his happiest vein. There was little other speechmaking of any sort. But there were pretty girls galore, a banquet that was real
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Means No Tax Increase

Reports from all sections of the state indicate that the good road amendment will be overwhelmingly ratified" said w. s. Keller state high way engineer. who has been in confer ence with c. L. Harold. county chair man. "as the people are rapidly be- coming educated on the subject. In the majority of cases where there is opposition to the ratification of the $25. 100000 bonds to be utilized in building trunk highways in Alabama 1t is due to the fact that the person does not understand the issue. When it is explained that the ratification of the bond issue will not increase the taxes and will be an advantage to the state to have good highways which will enable the farmer to bring his products to the best market they im- mediateiy favor the Ratification of the bond issue"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Alabama's One Hundredth
 Anniversary as a State

- ~r~~ ~@C O S&&eS INN December IA, 1919, Alabama " was admitted to statehood ir the union. The one hundredth ami versary will be duly celebrated, but as the date falls on Sunday, some other day must be selected for the for nal observance.
 Few states have so glorious a his- tory and none is more crowded with romance and stirring deeds, military and civil; and during the spring fit ting pageants and imposing parades should be held in Montgomery, Mobile and other important cities.
 The centennial commission should have arranged for at least one cele- bration on Monday, December 15. Winter is not seasonable for outdoor festivities, but indoor exercises should have marked the occasion at the state capitol, leaving the open air pageants to come at suitable periods. But since nothing of an ob- jectiye character is planned for to- morrow, it is hoped the centennial year, the earlier the better, will be enlivened with various celebrations.
 Every school in the state is ex- pected to have exercises, both animat- ing and educational, and the older civic associations should do something to promote state pride and advance the best interests of this prosperous 
 One good thing the commission has done. It has provided for marking the early state capitals with monuments, accompanied by impressive ceremon- ies.
 Let's make the coming spring a time of widespread jubilation.
 < < #
 T do not underrate MT. Dempsey and I am not making any claims at this time that I shall be victorious. but I shall meet him without the slightest trace of fear.--Carpentier. We do things differently in America Asked about their chances in an approaching battle, our gentlemanly .pugs. usually say something like this: 'Tll knock the big stiff out in the first round"
 Gloom Raiser" 'sElephant's Kick" Monkey Gland" and "Pussyfoot are some of the new drinks being served in a London club for women. which is enough to make a bibulous American exclaim. "Oh. Death, where. is thy sting?"
 
 An airman who was awarded five medals during the war. including the Victoria Cross. is now washing windows for $75 a month. Evidently some of the most deserving heroes never get an offer from the movie magnatea
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Comparison All Wrong

The story recently sent out from New York to the effect that Bishop Thomas F. Gailor had been made head of the Episcopal church and occupies practically the same position the pope does in the Catholic church is errons. ous." said Dr. Henry Phillips, noted Episcopal leader from sewanee, who has been visiting in the city.
 Bishop Gailor was elected chairman Of committee. half of which serve for three years and the oaher half for six. whose duties are purely adminis- trative- Neither Bishop Gailor nor any of the committee has any ecclesias- hcal duties in this connection. Bishop Ga1or is more of a business head for the church His duties correspond more to those of the Archbishop of Canterbury than any Catholic prelate Bishop Gailor is next to the highest bishop in religious authority, but his new appointment relates purely to ad ministrative york;
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

Entered at the Birmingham. Ala, postoffice as second-class matter, un- der act of Congress. March s, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

An airman who was awarded five medals during the war. including the Victoria Cross. is now washing windows for s75 a month. Evidently some of the most deserving heroes never get an offer from the movie magnateA
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

Opinion. sovereign mistress of eff fects.-OtheIIo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

How love . jam and push when everybody is in good humor and form
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Where Shakespeare stud,ed

was very much interested to see in the current number of the Literary Digest that my old school at Strat . ford-on-Avon is to become an internal force" said pr. George Eaves. .-rhe governors have planned the substitu- ton of commodious modern building Tor the old and picturesque home on church street They propose to- spend $60o.000 or moro on ne wsite' and they invite all friends of International ism among English speaking peoples to help forward the plan. The birth place of Shakespeare and. the school at which he was more or less suc- cessful student will no doubt prove magnetic to generous idealists, and the plan will believe. succeed. I am very glad. however that there is no purpose of interfering with the old 'Elizabethan' buildings. which have housed the boys of the past, the local militia and the town fire department. 10. these many years"
 Didn't Wait on Arthur
 Tt is very seldom that ever mfss a train" said Arthur Crowder. who was scheduled to leave on Thursday morn- ing for Washington to attend the Grfa- iron dinner, ''but going down in ample time was told it would not leave On time, and as I had a sufficient limit to go to the office ran by my office to open my mail I took it easy on my way back to the Terminal. thinking I had time to burn, but what was my dis appointment to get to the gate to see the train pulling out under the viaduct For tunately I had a margin of time to get to Washington City at the appointed hour. but was penalized by having to go on sliow train instead of with riy friends on the Birmingham Special''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age- Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address
 THE AGE-HERAID,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

Gloom Raiser" 'Elephant's Kick, l" Monkey Gland" and "Pussyfoot" are some of the new drinks being served in London club for women. which is enough to make a bibulous American exclaim. "oh. Death, where. is thy sting?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14

As the capital like the remainder O,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
SUBSCRIPTION RATES

No communication will be published without its authors name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-12-14
Member of the As.oci.t.s Pres,

TELEPHONE Bell (private exchange connecting all departmental Main 490O.
New Britain herald., 1919-12-27

Only those residing f within the confines of the proposed Worthington fire district are qualified to vote at the meeting next Tuesday evening when it will be voted upon. The of ficial notice in another part of this edition will inform those interested of the boundaries of the proposed fire district.
New Britain herald., 1919-12-27

Christmas party at the stewart home on Thursday evening.
New Britain herald., 1919-12-27

HAVING RECIIv1N A GOOD