Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-02
Telling Wife
The Truth
Ism t Done
No Sort of Permanent
Arrangement Can Be
Built on Moral
Quicksand.
BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

II n
wife tolerate on the part of
her husband? Many women
write and ask me this question. A
letter that has just come stands out
from the rest in particularly clear
cut form. A young woman of 20
tells me she is heartbroken because
she can place no dependence in any
thing her husband says.
She has repeatedly told him that
she wants to know the truth mo
matter how bad it is" But that he
breaks promises as often as he
makes them. Having had experience
in supporting herself, she asks
whether she shall continue her
efforts to reform him or again take
up her work and abandon him to
his lies" As they have no children,
the road to freedom seems fairly
clear to her.
The only difficulty in answering
this question is that even if the
writer were my own sister and I
had the story from her own lips, it
wouldn't be entirely fair to pass
judgment until l had heard the
other side of the case. From this
most understanding letter l must
admit that the husband seems
wholly to blame. But how can one
be sure that there isn't wee bit
of excuse for him?
Lies Are Never to Be Condoned.
Not that lies are ever to be con
doned. But haven't we all known
cases where a mans lapse Into this
fault could be readily understood?
Cases, mean, where wife hadn't
learned that the right kind of love
implies trustfulness, consideration
and courtesy, and that, in fact
marriage is a failure when these
qualities are lacking.
A wife who loves her husband i'll
way that leads her to be suspi-
cious, jealous and forever on the
lookout for him to commit himself
to something or other damaging
cannot always expect absolute can
dor. Perhaps she will cross-ques-
ton him like prosecuting attorney,
have sulks. make scenes, in which
case she shouldn't be surprised if
her harassed partner gives her all
evasive answer just so the home will
be a pleasanter place in which to
live.
A man who will lie to his wife in
order to protect himself and secure
peaceful evening at home is not
hero, but it is very easy to under
stand and sympathize with his weak
ness. At least it must be admit
ted that his wife is to be blamed as
we'll as he.
So before woman allows herself
to become absolutely miserable with
her husband or her marriage she
ought to review her own behavior
with a good deal Of care. don't
mean that she ought to refer the
matter to an idolizing mother or
some woman friend who is pretty
sure to confirm her own belief in
her martyrdom.
No one else can tell her what she
ought to know herself. Has she
been fair and reasonable and kind
and has she given the man every
chance to be open and Square"
with her? If she hasn't, think she
should give her husband, who, after
all, may love her very much, an
other chance. If she has done all
this, and still has failed-well, in
that case there is no more to be
said.
Where the Fault Is.
For when the fault really is all on
one side, and when the husband
or the wife, as it might be, in some
cases-is as deaf to reasonable ap-
peals as the husband described in
the letter T have quoted, then there
is little or no chance of the mar
riage remaining permanent.
Indeed, a marriage that isn't a
marriage, and that can't, after hon
est trial, be remade into the real
thing, ought not to be permanent.
Perhaps that sounds extreme. Per
haps some of my correspondents
won't agree with me. But let me
explain what I mean.
That close mutual relation of
marriage, the most wonderful rela-
tionship possible, must be based on
love. as all lovers know. But love
alone is not enough, fact of which
perhaps all young lovers are not so
sure. If marriage is to be real
the two partners must be able to