The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1919-03-24
n. S. A. AT CONEY ISLAND
Summer Trip With n BrOokIyn
Hick Ends per Usual.

Dear AJC: You know, Art, I've
been wanting to tell you for long
time about a trip 1 took to Coney
Island last summer. 1 went down
there with a roughneck Brooklyn
hick, one of those wise cracking ginks
and we were sitting in a SudS gallery,
he inhaling a life size brew and me
suffering into lemon pop. 1 hap
pened to look over a guys shoulder
and saw an article in paper which
read, Brewery men to form cor
poration to make light brews such as
ginger pop sweet soda and sassy
fertilizer" 1 gave my hick friend an
earful of what 1 read and he got so
sore that he blew the collar off his
vat of Dutch grog with such force
that it hits a heiny waiter in the eye
and he looks like a white eyed kaffir.
This flunky looks at him and wiping
the eye with his apron said, Swine
nj ckle." The boy from the useless
side of the bridge asked me what it
meant, so 1 told him I thought it
meant five cents worth of dog meat.
He was going to lam this pretZel nurse
when L asked him what he thought
of this soft drink corporation. He
guzzled his hops then said, boy, them
soft drinks, they're gonna make will
be as nourishing to a working man as
thimbleful of weak tea to a thirsty
panther. asked him if he didn't.
vanilla wasn't a nice drink, and he
said, I'D sooner have a drink of AL
lens Foot Ease" So 4 told him that
Aliens Foot Ease wasn't a drink, that
it was a foot wash, then he gave me a
heel and toe glance and said. ut must
have been an ornament in your fam
! lily" L didn't know what he meant
and 1 was afraid to ask for fear it
might lead into mo decision" af-
| fair. So I said let's take a stroll
hO oh fo6 he Ia in
swimming and then we hiked down to
| the briney. And Art. there were a
| couple danes on the beach with less
| clothen than Zeigfelds chorus. And
| then he said, Don't forget what you
| say-look at the folks in swimming"
1 tried to. Art, but between watching
| the guys in the ocean and stealing
| up and down on the beach walkers
my eyes were doing to and fro like
the pendulum on an eight-day clock.
So, Are, we decided we'd go over the
Looney and ride the Darrell of Love.
Didst ever ride one? Oh, boy, they're
wicked. When we got inside the guy
started it rocking to and fro and high
re and higher and finally turns her
over. This hick loses his footing and
fell agains THE over-developed stoIn-
/ ach of a perspiring brewer. When
he bumps in his kitchen. he grunts
| like you do when you eat soup. When
| this hick got all Strengthened out he
| said, boy, that was the softest thing
I've fell against since the night 1
| bumped into my wife's head" then
the over-weighted bird yelled at my
| friend, Another crack like that and
the jury'll be coming back asking for
more instructions" Art 1 could see a
fight on its way when just then the
| barrel gives another Iurch and 1 fell
| into the lap of a 300-pound spade
| laundress. She was as black as the
world is to a guy that's broke and in
the excitement she thinks I'm her hus
band, so she grabs me around the
neck and yells. support me, Henri
my mind is bidding me farewell" l
| tried to get loose, but she had grip
| the barrel gives another lunge and
she rolls over on top of me. and Art.
1 commenced to hear the harps play
| ing and see little angels and big stars.
Art, I've been near death many times
| but this time 1 could feel my feet
| scorchirg. They finally stopped the
| barrel from rolling and six burlies
| lifted this ton of coal off of me- Art.
was flatter than a glass of beer that
| had been standing all night. We got
out in the fresh air and 1 frisked my
self, and Art, may 1 never make the
| first in two again if my bank roll
| hounds tooth and we were fifteen
miles from 42nd and Broadway and
not enough money between US to buy
a half interest in a paper drinking
cup, so we started walking back to the
| big city of many regrets When We
| had walked about ten miles he spies
| guy in a Ford that was old friend
of his the car was in the ditch and his