The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-09-20

From 'Mr. Dooley: On Making Will
 and Other Necessary Evils" (Charles
 Scribner's Sons.)
 n 17 OCEAN thinks he's goluf play |Hl er," said MT. Dooley. "No, he = = don't play tn game. Nobooy does that. They wurruk at it. But Hog an he slaves at it. He don't think iv an- nything else. He takes it down to tn wather- office with him in tn mornin', an he carries it home with him at night an sleeps with it. If ye go over to his house at this mlnyit yell find him in tn front parlor swingin' pokN aa' tellin' tn good woman how as absorbin' as tn invintory iv a grocery store. I was over there tn other night, an he broke three panes iv glass showin' me what he calls mashie shot, an he near took an ear off his aunt Bridget practisin' with a war-club that he calls a nibbelick. But 'tis gr-reat game, a gr-rand, rough an angry game. full of ondacint
 remarks an other manly charckter- istics, dye mind. At tn end iv ivry goiuf match tn player loathes him. silf, is not on speakin' terms with tn fellow he played agin, cud kill his own caddy an his opponents. an hates tn criminal that laid uot tn coorse, tn game itsilf, tn look iv Argyll. each wan iv his clubs, tn little bur-rd that
 twittered whin he was shootin', tn pretty wild flowers in tn margin iv
 tn links an each separate spear iv grass on tn puttin'-green. ..
 Flows it played, says ye? In a gin'ral way, all I can say about it is that it's kind iv game iv ball that ye play with ye'er own worst inimy which is ye'esilf, an a man ye don't like goes around with ye an gloats over ye, an little boy follows ye to carry tn clubs an hide tn ball afther ye've hit it. Tn ball is small, made iv injy rubber an filled with a pizin- ous substance, an if ye hit it a good smash it busts an puts out ye'er eye.
 Yre supposed to smash this little gren- ade firm place to place an here an there an up an down an hither an yon with an enormous instrument iv wood or iron. ontill in due time ye get to what is called puttin'-green. There's little hole with tin can in it in tn middle iv this place, an whin we're within a fut or two iv this hole ye take a small hammer out iv tn bag. an ye hit tn ball four or five times till it tumbles into tn hole. Thin ye
 wipe tn cold sweat firm ye'er brow,
 write down '5 on little card. an
 walk away a few feet an do it all over again.
 "Th' other mornin' I see Hogan so out with his kit iv tools In other games wan bat is enough, but in goluf ye have to own twinty. All tn money that used to go fir shoes in Hogan's
 family now goes fir goluf-clubs If he manages to hit tn ball with a club, he tells ye he wudden't part with club fir a hundherd dollars an asts ye to feel it an say aint that nice club. Whin he misses 1t he says tn club has gone hack on him an he buys 8 new wan. He has as nanny imply- hints iv this new thrade iv his as a tinker. He has a hammer to beat tn ball into tn ground with. an a pick to get it out. an a little shovel to scrape it firm th,- sand. an little hatchet to knock it into tn hole whin with tn hardware? says I. Is it to open a safe or build battleship?' says | I. I'm goin' to play goluf.' say he angrily. This Is tn day hang Isrki g l hide on tn fence,' he says
 .So followed him out to Ieur as