Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1919-03-20
OLD HUMPHREY.
BY St. John Byer.

simon-pure twenty-four carat Guinea
| African, familiarly called Uncle Hum
| phrey, who lived here before he war
for slave liberation. His two strange
points were religion and whitewashing,
the latter he applied with a lons-han-
died brush, the former with a tongue
Of nearly the same length. The name
Kalsomine had not yet digniied the
lime-washer into an artistic profession,
so Humphrey never mixed in any dark
er tints. but used the pure white lime
to shine UP alike the righteous. In re-
ligion, however, he did not shine up,
but shone down on the derelictions OF
the needless sinners around him, for So
ciety was not up to his moral standard.
When any ssandalous doings were
brought to his notice, he had one spec;
ial phrase of comment to express his
moral disapprobation and perhaps sur
prise:
"Good Lawd! but amt de people git
tin orneryw This was his pet phrase
and he worked it on all occasions.
That old Virginia adjective, "ornery"
suggests some inquiry as to its origin,
and this explanation is offered: The
small roadside inn kept for the travel
Of that day was called an Ordinary
a place which offered entertained at for
man and beast, without much discrim-
ination between the four-legged trav-'
eller and his master; and naturally so,
for the rude wag8oners, their usual Pa
irons, would scarce know the difference
between a bed OF shucks and an elder
down mattress. AS the tavern ranked
below the hotel, so the ordinary was
beneath the tavern, and became very
"ornery," so the word was used
to express their contempt for
abject worthlessness; as in the court
scene, where the negro mother was
hauled up and fined for numerically
beating her young boy, and the judge
asked il she had anything to say in
her behalf, when she made an appeal
direct "ad hominum."
"Now, jedge, jist put it to yourself,
il you ever was de parent Of an ornery
no-account niger boy, an got so ag-
gravated, you'd a whailed him 'jes as |
did"
Humphrey at times mounted the .os-
truln and.held forth in the colored Bap-
tist congregation, Of which, in view Of
his whitewash profession, he might be
called a shining light. For his discours-
es he was furnished texts BY rascal,
irreverent young wag, who read them
with sober face, perchance out Of an
cid dictionary, for Humphrey would
not have known page of the Holy Bi-
BILE from a picture OF Sinbad the Sail
or. So the young scamp ran in all sorts
OF nonsense, such as "Sin is bitter,
pisenous pill, and the only anecdote is
de gospill." The one occasion when
Humphrey rose to his full height was
in the funeral oration he delivered over
"Brudder Wash Potts, for which he was
duly given the text, 80 def, whar am
dy stinger," which he brought out with
startling emphasis. He pictured the
good brother as going up and being sup
piled with pair OF white wings, which
description would have been more in
Brudder Wash Potts, for which he was
New Jerusalem Of New York, and join
ed the white-winged brigade Of street
cleaners, but this was not in Hum
phrey's angelic hierarchy. At the end
of this and other descriptions he would
sing out, 20 def, whar am dy stinger ?"
There are several interesting stories
about our colored Baptist brethren.
Having no pool, they used the Potomac
river for the immersion OF their con-
verts. At times this was frozen over
by an INSCRIPTIONS Providence, un-
mindful Of their religious needs. But
the saving OF souls cannot wait upon the
weather, so they cut hole in the ice
and proceeded with their immersions,
perchance the icy bath would produce
a chill shaking out Of the sinful affec-
tions. On one Of these occasions the
sable BaptiZer lost his grip on a rather
heavy young convert, and she slipped
away from him under the ice. Not at
all disconnected, he lifted up his voice
and said, "De Lawd gibbeth and de
Lawd taketh away. Fetch on another"
Alike all the colored brethren, and
especially the preacher, Humphrey was
fond OF chicken. and no doubt prayed
fervently for "de Lawd to send him
stray fowl for de pot" and finding that
it never came, he besought the Lord
to send him after it-then his desire
was fulfilled. This is fine illustration
of the use and efficacy Of prayer; when
the devotee himself puts forth all his
powers to bring on earth that king
dom of heaven for which he prays-
yet, as in Humphreys case his energy
may strive in direction not approved
by the consensus OF the community.
Humphrey made frequent forages
around the country, ostensively for
'possums, and might often be seen car
rying bag on the dorsal hump which
nature had already shouldered upon
him. One morning in this fashion he
emerged from lane, near the farm
residence Of a Mrs. c., who hap.
pened to be standing on her front
porch. The compliments Of the flne
morning being passed, she said