Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1919-06-04
CONTINUED TOMORROW
THE GEYSER

A short time ago my friend Oswald
moved into fiat in one of the suburbs.
tYes, I know it sounds incredible. but
it happened thus: About year ago os-
wald was travelling by rain and chanced
to overhear an elderly lady observe to
another that she thought of giving up
her fiat in about n years time. After
that, of course, Oswald never let her
out of his sight, until finally, as the
van containing her furniture vanished
at one end of the street, the van con
tanning Oswald's furniture appeared at
the other. So there he isl
Soon after he moved in l went to
inspect his new abode. He was i'm
mensely enthusiastic. IN Eyes" said
I, but where's the 'bath?''
Here" said Oswald, proudly. ard.
with the air of conjuror producing
rabbit from silk hat, lifted up the
kitchen table. Beneath. in a coy and
slightly furtive attitude, lay the bath
Quite n good bath, mark you.
Il see," I said. Hot and cold
water all right, eh?"
well, no" he answered. '"The cold
waters all right, but, as a matter of
fact, there is no hot water yet. I'm
having a geyser put in"
What followed thereafter | had bet
ter. perhaps, tell in my own words, as
Oswald is in no condition TO make in
teIigible utterances. 1t appears that in
due course the geyser arrived Oswald
bought it second -hand) conveyed by two
ham handed minions of alcoholic ap
pearance, who proceeded forthwith to
dismantle the kitchen. After three days
OF constant labor. during which they
delved hole in the wall almost large
enough to admit a taxi they announced
the completion of their magnum opus.
and withdrew. One. however, fingered
to bestow, from the fullness of his heart.
a word of warning upon Oswald. THAT
there geyser,' he said wheezily, "needs
care. Care. Yer see it's war stuff.
and not very dependable, as yer might
say" And he disappeared.
That very night Oswald determined
to bathe. and having turned on the
water and lit the gas. sat on the edge
of the bath to await developments. In
few minutes the water stopped sud
denly. Panic stricken, Oswald turned
off the gas. and was peering into the
/ tap to discover the reason for the hitch
when the water started to flow again
with redoubled vigor. Hastily drying
himself he lit the gas again, and again
waited. Almost Immediately the gas
went out. At this point Oswald, who
had had hard days work, gave it up
and went to bed.
On the following day, such is his
passion for cleanliness, he tried again.
and. curiously enough. all went well
until, flushed with success, he sprang
r.-rmmng a snatch of song. Into the
Jath. AS he did so the bottom of the
geyser fell out, dealing him stunning
blow on the head, which he had been
foolish enough to place in the line of
fire. Dazed as he was, he managed to
crawl to the telephone, with the result
that with early morn came the geyser's S
alcoholic satellites, who after admin
stering a severe rebuke to Oswald and
pointing out that it was his own fault
for getting into the bath at all. spent
a happy day putting matters right, and
drifted away again.
A week elapsed before Oswald ven =
tured to try his luck again. This time
all went well, rather to his surprise.
but when on the following day he was
foolhardy enough to attempt another
bath, the internal organs of the geyser
without the slightest hesitation. melted
and filed the bath with molten copperl
Oswald with a resigned air. summoned
,, plumber of his acquaintance. This
gentleman, after scratching his head ant
observing that it looked like long Job
departed in search of his mate. Th,
two worked gently for couple of DAYS
and then departed, muttering of "over
time" That night the top of the gey
ser blew up, tearing large and un.
: lovely hole in the roof.
. The ham handed satellites, sum
4 moned next day, remarked that they ha,
t always expected it. Oswald spent
v week at Brighton while the repairs wer
t being effected and returned, bronco
p and healthy, determined not to sur
v render TO an inanimate object like
geyser. Forthwith he turned on tn
d water, lit the gas and, in due, course
t stepped (somewhat gingerly, it must b
l admitted) into the bath. Nothing un
s toward occurred at first. and he con
h graduated himself on having at las
It conquered the thing, when, as he wa
: about to soap the back of his neck. tn
h geyser, obviously determined to hay
n the last word, blew up bodily wit
r a terrific explosion, and, accompanie
# by an immense chunk of masonry, let
e the fat and alighted in the street.
II In'Oswald's latest letter to me, writ
ten for him by his nurse, he tells m
@ hat he has decided, after much cogita
II ton, to rever to the old fashioned bu
It simpler method of heating succcssi,
!, saucepans of water on the gas sto,
It md washing himself, as it were, b
e installments ! think he is wise.-K. n
II Gordon in London Opinion.