The Washington herald., 1919-06-20

New York. June 1s.-Thouehts
while telephonng from q booth In
a busy Broadway hotel lobby: Elsie
Janis just back from France all tan
ned up. What's her real name?
Beerborn or Bierbohm? What's that
awful buxz7 Sinclair Lewis in the
next booth. Great name his home
town has, saun Center. Wis. Busy
nothing. Clear that wire. please
Dammit!
Burleson ought to rent this booth
and give a reception for his friends.
That Boston doctor who opposed
baths ought to get the small boy
vote. Reminds me. Famous actress
bathes only once a month. Told
about 1t one time at wine party,
! Ruined her career. Supes In the
uniform. I'm going to insult the
movies over at Fort Lee.
Why that stupid click-click-click?
Rupert Hughes out of his majors
next oil stock salesman. Believe I'll
paper my den with worthless stocks
I've bought. Jazzy idea. that! I've
told this female six times that
want Bryant 1856. My collars gone.
Speaking OF collars, hear the model
for the Lyendeckers' collar pictures
Is going to marry a New Rochelle
society girl
Wrong connection, She's doing this
for spite. Funny-looking little ties
they wear with dinner jackets Look
like shoe strings. Muggsy McGraw
must live in this hotel. Hear New
York is going to have big new
morning newspaper. That news stand
girl is easy to look at. They always
cop a millionaire and alimony and
are happy ever afterward.
Where does this girl get that stuff?
Busy, Ought to get the manager.
Another long shot won yesterday
Frank O'Malley. of the Sun. Sup
pose he's going to interview a celeb
rity. He's a papa now. Busy moth
ing. Go to - Gotta treat 'em
rough.
Funny about Webster holding a
straight against Briggs royal. Some
| action, I'll say. And Jean Knott
trailing along with two pairs. There
she goes again. Talk about your
rotten service. I'll never get to that
dinner. II was going to be'free. too.
She'll give me back my nickel or I'll
make a scene.
Small towns are not the only spots
on earth that have the professional
Smart Alecks. They are to be found
at every amusement place in Man
haitian. But especially at Coney Is
land. The other evening a big roller
coaster car was getting ready for
a particularly big dip on the scenic
railway. y yourg man in a snappy
suit and plaid cap suddenly stood
] up on a seat. fiicked his cigarette
made some facetious quip and at
tempted to step into a car going in
the opposite direction on the adjoin-
ing track. At the hospital they say
he will be out ard well again by fall
Chic Sale tells of a Smart Aleck
In a small Western town. Nobody
could get ahead Of him. He was there
with an answer back on every occa-
sion. One day a crowd OF horse
shoe players were pitching horse
shoes outside the window of the viii
lage hotel. In a second-foor room
was an Eastern novelist who had
come to the town for quiet to write
Finally he stuck his head out the
window and shouted: Say, you
Hicks, Can that chatter Beat it,"
They stopped, looked at each other
and finally one said: Go get Ed"
Ed was the professional Smart Aleck
and he was soon on the spot.
The game was resumed and the
players became noisier than ever. At
length the exasperated writer again
stuck his head out the window and
this time was vehement. The crowd
waited, and one whispered Get him.
Ed"
Ed stepped out. shook back his hair
looked up and yelled: Go comb
your hair!'
Latest efrusions from Tin Pan Alley
that they are singing on Broadway:
"Aloma," Little French Mother"
"Good-by!" Little French c..
"Good-by'" Moonlight Down in
Dixie 'Heart-Breaking Baby DOLL"
and Norma