The Washington herald., 1919-06-29

TITS already surprising what peo-
pie will eat If they couldn't get
anything else" Abe Potash COM
mented one morning in June
Not nearly so surprising as what
they would drink in the same cir
cumstances," Morris Perlmutter re-
marked.
well, I don't know" Abe con-
tinued. Here il stands in the news
papers where a professor says that
for the information OF them men
which would sooner eat grasshop-
pers as starve, Mawruss. they taste
very much like shrimps IL you know
how shrimps taste, which ! am
thankful to say that I don't Nav
russ, because ! never yet had the
nerve to eat shrimps on account OF
them looking too much like grass
hoppers--
That's nothing" Morris declared.
TN Porto Rico where they have had
prohibition now for some time al
ready. the authorities has just found
out that the people has been drink
ing so much hair tonic as ersatz-
schnapps, Abe. that the insides OF
the stomach Of a Porto Rican looks
like the outside of the president OF
the new Polish republic. If you
know what I mean"
well. IL the prohibition law Is go
ing to be enforced so as to con1scate
the schnapps which is now being stored
away by the people who have had an
insurance actuary figure out their
expectancy of life at ten drinks a
day for 13.31416 years. Mawruss. or all
,1n,-5 5Nr, a
Abe said, 1T won't be much later than
July 2 before somebody discovers that
there's quite a kick to furniture polish
or s in !. Mawruss. and in fact 1 ex-
pect to see after July 1. 1919. that there
would be what looks like stove polish.
shoe polish, automobile body polish
and silver polish retailing at from 81
to a $50 per hippocket size bottle.
which after being strained through
hlotting paper. understand. would
net the purchaser three drinks OF the
worst whiskey that ever got sold on
Chatham Square for cents a glass"
And / suppose that pretty soon they
will be passing a law forbidding the
manufacturers of stove polish and d.
recting that the labels on the bottles
shall contain the statement:
Stove polish by volume 275 per cent
and in a thimbleful of what amt
stove polish in that stove polish. ABE.
there wouldn't be no more harm than
two or three quarts of so much nitro
glycerine, y'understand," Morris said.
Also on Saturday nights. you will
see the poor women nebich hanging
around the swinging doors of paint
and color stores right up to closing
time to see il their husbands is inside.
while the single men will stagger
fronA housefurnishing store to house
furnishing store-or the Poor Men S
Clubs as they call them p-aces where
stove and silver polish is sold.'
But joking to one side. Mawruss.
You don't suppose that the Polaks
and the Huns and all them for
eigners is going to leave of drink
ing schnapps just because of a little
thing like a prohibition amendment
to the Constitution of the United
States, do your Abe said.
Why do you limit yourself to
Polaks and Huns. Abe?" Morris
asked. Believe me. there is fell
1crs whose forefathers was old es-
tabiished American citizens before
Henry Clay started his cigar busi-
ness, y understand. and when them
boys gets a craving for schnapps
after July 1, they would oser go to
the nearest Carnegie Library and
read over the prohibition amend
ment to the Constitution till that
Enawing feeling at the pit of the