The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-01-18

You put q Cr1mp In eh9 uyZU
! business and keep the hsas
from your house. "A n3Gex 81
doeth good like a mediciua. q
own Sheart full OF sunshtne
will bequeath 1t to others.
II every black cloud hxe
| In 1t. the world would -
blown to toothpicks long aee
ever happens 1t might ~ N1@
! m,s2 aas i1as Ks II 50
ply. His wife came dowa oSy4
| ing looking worried and she AAtl
II had a horrible dream. Eli
the devil had me tied up IN 4 f06
a spider ties a fly. He hAi
strapped to his back and he B9G
| ing me off to he'll and there
| one to help" --s-
/ And he said: TT might .hAxS
worse"
She said: Good heaFsHE
could it?'' sS@ H.
He said. ut might have been
Don't Go to Pieces.
| So don't go to pieces eEefySS
things go different from the w9y
like them. Don't be like i Shnh
rooster / know of--every ttin
| crow he'd throw his legs out "a
They had to 60 and set him ~ Ut
he could crow again. II you IA
look on the bright side Of thing, e.
and look happy your best -
wouldn't know you in q month
/ now.
| You'd be like a street barR&r0
| Indiana where I live. A fellow
on the street corner on Z dry
box, selling soap to the yAD0
came around, and he said, I4df1
gentlemen. I have the honor "a
for your consideration the finest IT,
of soap ever made. A man DOWN.
in the next county bought cake r
went home. took bath and Mia
dog bit him." IA
| So you can't have everythtnG
have to divvy. "A
Like a fellow who was attena41
wedding and they were - uAtn6S
Episcopalian ritual and when
came to that point in the A41
where 1t says: 'If there Ia anyone r.
ent that knows any reason w1E3
couple should not be united inM|
bonds OF holy wedlock. let him.
now or forever hold his peace. 1
| A longi lean. lank. Erinh-x3I~|
lantern jawed. cadaver0us. 49,
eyed fellow with a trombone
prodigious Adams apple, shiftA1
old cud from left to right, spit t0}
enough to drown a rat and ~ e.
"Parson. object" si sS3
He, said, ION what ground
| He said. by Gosh, I want tA9&
myself" ss.ss
fuss he makes. A frog makes K
noise than a whale and . pup IL
moro than an old dog. MOI ~
colored fellow got up to give ill.,
4 timony. He said: brothers and
ters, / can talk more religfon t1s
minutes than can live In two "
i A friend OF mine was out IN q
tauqua lecturing and he vas exNA
ing the mystery of the X-ray.
said: You can take a pin ana Il
it beneath dictionary and 6o6
It's marvellous-there' nothing
den from it. You can look d
through a person. II q child Il
swallowed penny or = hatptua
can look right In and sec II
So this old negro stood 81
scratching his head and he raid,
Boss, can you see anything IA
body?"
I eS, SIT. ssssE
|, IF a man eats his dinner ca1a
see the dinner?" ssa
He said. Yes. SIR
He said, III he's been eating cat1
can you see it7e !. sayaa
| Yes. sir" N
Il He said. Boss, You can't tel II
ne got the chicken. can You s ~,
But some young fellow MbtAnn r.
tonight and comes to ME ara r.
but, Bill. I am handfcAppsdE
poor" Uh-huh!
My creed OF compassion has p4
stood
n For the fellow who coul6nst
good II he would: NY
But my sympathy ceases. - x1
pathy should, -
For the lobster who w0uidn't A.
| good il he could" .@s.s
i You go home. my boy. and q
up the names in history pf mem
crept and crawled out Of the II
of soualor, want, poverty. ubyq
hard knocks, and left their nax
scintillate upon the pages Of I'LL
Until they dazzle us today. Oh
didn't keep Ben Franklin wulktM
streets of Philadelphia Gnawink Ia
OF dry bread! Obscurity didn'4
Tom Edison a train butcher III
to Detroit! Obscurity dft3ns
And so your obscurfty Or today Il
become famous tomorrov nfS h
college OF Rob TT Burns: like t1l
OF John Bunyan: like tho dunG
Paul: like the towpath Of Ct
like the lanyard Of Grant, or f10s1
nj pile of Lincoln. asssS
Better is tho Wort. 8
Emerson said: write =
! book. preach q better sermcna RI
q better lecture. build = bokfor
make a better mousetr1p tlaM1r3
neighbor, and although you liva
wilderness, the world win 6oa&
|, through the woods and rap
door" 80 4
The angels said. Let NJ hioGs
ham Lincoln where the wss1
never find him." &
They hid that great hi4, klnl
erous, Humanitarian. 0ode14
sympathetic soul in that i0n6
Tank. homely. gAunt. ufgAinly,
erous body: they bropsed H.
! until he looked like. IN IndlnnS
hardened his hands with tntfs
ployment they gave him
work. like polling q NAxhoa4
Ohio and working In q countxxM
For a home they gave him = &a
In the wilderness: for paf6M
mon people. whose names NG
known five miles away. M
But while clerking Ia to 0
store he was solving pSU0o1
wers ever Afterwards to AA1r
: win. And while polling -