davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
Luxe M,LuKE SAYS

When a man is engaged to a girl he
may have a nice crease in his pants
when he enters her home to call on
her. But the crease isn't there when he
leaves her house
The man who marries a girl because
she is a talented musician forgets tnat
you can't fry steak on piano.
Every woman believes that her hus-
bands boss draws all the pay and her
husband does all the work
you hunt for a raincoat and an umbrella
when he sneezes.
No matter how stingy a man may be
about other things, he is usually willing
to let his wife have all the religion in
the family.
We are travelling too fast these days.
1t has just about gotten so that fell
low meets strange girl at $50 p. m.
and is engaged to her by $50 p. m.
The o. T. man who used to make a
breakfast of distilled corn now has a
son who is compelled to stick to boiled
oats
couple can be engaged for fve years.
But they won't really know anythinxp
about each other until they have been
married for five days
Almost any man can tell you that
this would be great country II every
man was half as decent as he is.
Even il you are poor cheer up and
grin. II you we're a millionaire the gov
eminent would take all the joy out Of life
by making you pay half of your wealth
in taxes. :.
Somehow or other a woman would
rather wear real lace that is dirty than
wear imitation lace that is cNean.
1t is different with a nah. But =
woman would rather be perfect IS and
be poor than be fat ana be wealthy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

"I have heard a lot OF hard luck
stories F" said Or. Scale Harris. but one
that I think is equal to any coming to
my knowledge in a Tong time happened to
friend of mine. Occupying house that
he expected to vacate at most any time
he ordered his coal by the ton. 1t had
hardly been unloaded when he found
that he must move Immediately, and as
he didn't want to lose the coal which
had been delivered a day or two before,
he called up transfer company and
asked them to haul it to his new home.
Now, he paid s. for the ton Of coal de-
livered, and the transfer man charged him
just IS for hauling it the short distance
from the house he vacated to his new
home. ! think this one is worthy to be
placed side by side with most of the
hard luck stories related Iately'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
"Kecp the Home Fires Burning,

That song reminds me of a story
heard recently" stated Acting Coroner
John r. T. Rives, as some one of his
many visitors came in humming, Keen
the Home Fires Burning" "A certain
willy and tricky individual was caught
in 1918 in one of the breezes that blew
at lot of men from 21 to 81 into Uncle
Sans army. This individual while over
iii France one day received a cab,egran;
from friend that read Your store No
has burned down. No reply was sent
to this cable. A second came n little
while later which real in almost tn,
same way, stated that store No had
gone. When the third case occurred
and the third cable came announcing
the destruction of another Of his place.
of business, there was an addenda to
this wire, and it read, why don't you
answer Quick as flash did 60 back
the answer; Keep the home fires burn
ing
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
Getting Ready for
the Federal Census

|NEoRGE M. CRUICKSHANKS.
W supervisor of the federal census
for this district, made I'D of Jeffer-
son county, is getting his work well
in hand.
1t looked at one time as if he would
be short on emumerators, but he has
now the majority of the $50 required
enrolled, with the prospect of having
the full quota enlisted early in De-
cember.l
The next census will be taken in
January-earlier by six months than
in any previous decade. The emu
nseration used to be made in July,
but in 1910 the time was changed to
April. The spring was seasonable for
the work, but January usually brings
rough weather in every part of the
country. Why the census director Sc
lected January is not easily under
stood, but since that month has been
fixed as the time the supervisors
must make the best of it.
In former decades many idle men
were found eager for the jobs of
enumerators, 1t is different now.
The shortage OF labor is the rule.
Men with sufficient intelligence to fill
the bill, willing to serve for the pay
allowed, are exceedingly scarce, and
lin some states it will be difficult
indeed to complete the count within
the allotted time.
But Supervisor Cruickshanks has
been fortunte enough to enlist college
boys for the work. Institutions of
learning can well afford to give their
students the necessary leave. 1t will
be good thing for the boys, for the
experience they will gain will be
educatiye. Moreover, in the present
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
p. T. BARNuM
From the chicago Tribune.

From the Chicago Tribune
Mrs. Tom Thumb. Countess Primo
Magri, is dead in Middleboro, Mass. It
the age Of H. She and Tom Thumb were
the worlds best known Lilliputians
There are many the stage and With
shows, but Mr.. and Mrs. Tom Thumb
were the representatives of the miniature
human world.
P. T. Barnum had one Of the qualities
of Dickens He was a remarkable genius
in giving the people the symbol OF a
phase of life. Dickens embodied charac-
teristics and standardized them. Bar
mum did more than bunko the people.
He set standards which remain stand
ards There never will be such an ele-
plant as Jumbo, although there may be
hundreds larger. There never Win be 4
miniature such as Tom Thumb or Mrs
Thumb. although there may be hundreds
smaller
Barnum was a genius in the psychol-
ogy of the mass
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
f
Are Britons Facing
a National Drouth?

WILL the loss of "Pussyfo0t'
Wv Johnson's eye make England
dry" Stranger things have Zap
pened.
When the American prohibition
worker was hazed by crowd of Lon
don students and so roughly handled
that he was placed under the care of
physicians, and particularly after he
had shown himself a "good SPORT
BY treating the whole affair as a
piece of boyish fun, a wave of sym
pathy for him was created that seems
to have been growing ever since. The
contrite students Immediately an
nounced that. they would give ban
Duet in honor of their recent victim,
while maturer heads were not slow to
realize the psychological effect the in
cdent might have on the prohibition
campaign in England.
Now that Mr.. Johnson's eye has
been removed as a result of his in
iuries he will be more of a martyr
thar, ever. The good humor and fcrti-
tude he displayed in trying situation
turned British ridicule into admira-
ton. Formerly a target for carica-
turists and wits, "Pussyfoot" johnson
has assumed heroic proportions end
unless the Britons sadly belle their
for fair play, no more
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
CORKAGE

From the Boston Herald
~ ORKAGE 81" appears now
II upon the menu of fashion
~ able and, of course, expensive
resorts are said to be making like
charges. A well established custom of
clubs and hotels has been to make
charge technically called "corkage" for
wines privately brought in by mem
bers of the former and guests Of the
latter to be consumed in competition
with the cellar" of one or the other,
and the reason for the regulation is
plain, since the sale of wines used to
weld very large profit to clubs, a
gain gone glimmering in the mist OF
things that were. 1t is not asserted,
however. that male guests at the res
taurants of New York smuggle in large
cold bottles under their great coats or
that women conceal such contraband
articles in the scant garments that con-
Ceal
The simple truth is that the hip-pocket
flask suddenly enjoys a new vogue
and women are said to carry the max
tngs of a cocktail in their vanity cases.
Whether the charge for corkage is
made in vindication of the dry law and
the higher morals, in mere self-de-
Tense. or in a dog-in- the manager spirit
does not yet appear. Whatever the
purpose. it emphasizes an odd aspect
Of human psychology. Many years ago
a clever man put up in curious flask
an after dinner drink labeled "Forbio-
den Fruit" 1t was neither better nor
worse than other high-colored syrupy
alcoholic mixtures favored with fruit
iuices. but for a time it enjoyed what
the French call a "success OF scandal
There is an instructive story Of An 1tal-
ian nobleman who had lived to old age
within the walls Of his native city.
ridieuIing those who went forth into
the medieval world round about
When. however, the local duke ordered
that no citizen leave the city upon
whatever pretense, that very man was
stopped the first night while attempt
ing to escape in disguise at three diff
ferent gates.
Human perversity loves to do the
forbidden thing. especially II the law
to he violated is of the sumptuary sort.
Men today are paying ridiculous prices
for strong drink and resorting to the
most ingenious and laborious methods
of getting what many of them used to
leave untasted for weeks and months
together. In remote mouptain region
OF New York you rap twice and then
once at the door of an innocent looking
roadside house, give the countersign
to him that opens to you, and thus OBJ
tain the privilege Of paying eight or
10 times the old price for such liquor
A. the fAstidious once despised and
.shunned. 1t 10 pretty safe bet that
..corkage" will not long be charged by.
the restaurants Of New york, as it is
safe to say that men will tire Of re-
peatine the raps and the countersign.l
Prohibition has come to stay and the
chances are that the American people
viii adjust their psychology to the
new situation. The public opinion
that makes il impossible for the extra
legal order Of an organized minority to
freeze or stArve US all Is likely to ac-
cept with patience q legally enacted
restrictive measure at least until it
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
Al Eyes ON Birmineham

Atlanta has nothing on Birmingham, .
said S. D. Cowan. "The hotels there are
just as crowded and it is just as dif-
1cult to get accommodations as 1T is
here. l told number Of Atlanta men
that they had great city. and they
agreed with me I expect them to say
the same thing about Birmingham when
they come here incidentally, I told
them they had better city and you
should have seen them warm up. They
all know that Birmingham is coming.
and many of the ambitious Atlanta men
are moving to Birmingl Iam to engage in
business. Birmingham has a name, ana
furthermore the money Is here to back il
up Men and women from all parts OF
America have their eyek on Birmingham,
and desire to get intof business here as
soon a. the Opportunity presents itself. :"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

has proved to be less effective for its,
purpose than its advocates have hopedy
The thing that "works' has a strange
hypnotic power upon a practical people
impatient of doctrinaire politics.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
DOING WELL ENOUGH.

DOING WELL ENOUGH
Sir" said the irascible old gentleman
to the man who had stepped on hts foot
in a crowded trolley car, 81 presume you
wish me to regard you as 'hard-boiIed'!'
suit yourself" replied the imperturb-
able passenger. but those who know
me best say I'm unusually thoughtful of
other peoples feelings. considering the
kind Of job held for many years.
What was that. sir?'
Customs Inspector"
TAKING NO CHANCES.
Heres new volume of poetry from
a bolshevik bard" said the book re-
viewer.
What are you going to do with itf-
'Im going to deal gently with it, re-
CARELESS of it's merits or dsmeritA 1
have a family to think about
How is that?"
eff I use my critical faculty on, this
fellow he may retaliate by putting a
bomb under my house"
ICONOCLASM
$50 you are Just back from England?"
Eyes, and terribly disappointed"
What happenedr'
"T have always thought England a ro-
mantle country and none of it's sports
more picturesque than fox hunting"
Well"
81 saw an English squire following his
pack in flivver." PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
LIGHT

LIGHT
BY Fnencis William Bourdillon.
The night has thousand eyes.
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world do
With the dying sun.
When Iovesis done
And the heart but one:
Yet the light OF . whole life -
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
HOW ABOUT 1T. PATIENCE?

HOW ABOUT 1T. PATIENCE?
II Patience Worth,
Who's gone from earth,
Would through a ouja board
Reveal Just who
Has Mountain Dew
Down in his cellar stored
Profound surprise
would seize prohis
Who really are sincere
At learning what
A thund'r ring lot
OF "drys' keep liquid cheer.
vIvIDLY DESCRIBED.
Rather spicy case is being tried in
one of the local courts"
"Yesr'
"A twenty-minute kiss is featured"
Demonstrated. you say?"
NO; merely tossed to and fro by the
opposing lawyers, but some of those
chaps are wonderful word painters"
OUTDoNE.
"Estella has all the tuck"
How is that, Bettina?o
Her fance got his collarbone broken
in the Thanksgiving football game. Mine
didn't even sprain his ankle"
A LARGER FOLLOWING.
Over IN London tradesnen take pride
in announcing that they serve royalty"
I've noticed that"
But American advertisers really get
better results, believe, by calling at
tention to the fact that their wares are
both recommended and consumed by cele-
brated movie stars"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29
BRIEF COMMENT

Augusta Chronicle: The military man
power strength of the United States is
100000. And we have the money to
back the men.
Nashville Banner: Rome may burn
while d'Annunzio Is fiddling. but il wont
burn coal.
Kansas City Star: Candidates have
been slow about throwing their hats into
the national ring. And you can't blame
them, considering the present price of
hats
Florida Tfmes- Union: A dozen or more
languages were employed to can out the
men in the steel and coal strikes, which
does not sound we'll for a country that
boasts of its Americanization.
Baltimore American: blue serrs suit
which retailed, for SIS in 1914 win cost
sS next spring, according to clothing
manufacturers. A loom and a stiu Tor
every home,
Cnicago News: In Europe 100. ooo, 900 par
sons are faced by starvation. So are
an equal number of persons in the United
States unless essential industries arc kept
running
Wan Street Journal: .Gerwan marks
are now almost as much as an iron
cross
Houston Post: We don't know much
about this sleeping sickness the papars
mention, but we have known some i'm
portant cures to be effected by the VIC
time merely leaving off playing poker
at night.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

Augusta Chronicles: The military man
power strength of the United states is
100000 And we have tho money to
back the men.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

NASHVILLE Banner: Rome may burn
while dAnnunzio Is fiddling. but it won't
burn coal
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

Who cannot be erush'd with n plot!
ALPS Well That EAds Well
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

Wan Street Journal: !German Masks
are now almost as much as an iron
cross.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

Rsm1ttances can be made at curten.
rata of exchange. The Age-Herald WHI
not be responsible for money sent
through The mails. Address
THE AGE-HERALD,
Birmingham. Ala
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-11-29

But the hour has sounded for an
other Napoleon. and we find the Presi-
dency of Louis-Napoleon Bonaparte
(1s4s to 1s52)-followed by the Tenn
porary Dictatorship of the same indi-
viduAl (ieAl). to be followed by the
DecenniAl Presidency. with Louis still
on the jo8 ds51 to 1850. They say
Louis Ma leon was not 4 genius, but
he came highty near II when IL came
to captu&ng high office, for the next
thing VI know the famous coup d'etat
made him Napoleon III and the Second
EmpiR was an accomplished fact f1ss2
to 1879. Now, as Paul de Kock BEGAN
his fhemoirs at this time. I'll stop for
he. Had lived under 81 different govern
nrxnts. leaving aside, the Pompier Of
MY Is. 1913, but it lived only four
hdurs before he died in 1871 These
wkre marvellous changes.
f1a..ulkh MxA....1
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1919-06-06
Why French Girls Prefer
To Wed Yanks Instead of
Natives of Own Country

To win an American husband seems
to be the ideal of more than 40 per
cent of the Partisan young women.
At all events that is the result of
an inquiry conducted by L'Oeuvre,
a Paris daily newspaper which
publishes series of letters setting
forth the reasons that have guided the
writer's to give preference to Ameri-
cans over their compatriots.
Those who would rather marry
Frenchmen base their prediction
largely on patriotic grounds, but a
large percentage Of young French
women confess to a wholehearted ad-
miration of the average Americans
breezy good humor and courtesy OF
manner toward the other sex.
Several French girls who have had
opportunity to observe American home
life appreciate the easy camaraderie
between the sexes, and they come to
the conclusion that good comrade
must make good husband.
Some fair writer's say that French
lovers are given to talking overmuch
and are too fussy about their personal
appearance.
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1919-06-06
Tells Of Ruin
Wrought By Huns

the coal fields Of northern France,
which Is as reprehensible as it is COM
plete. Only in few cases, where pill
lars have been robbed In the mines, is
there any collapse of underground
workings. but the equipment, both
surface and underground, has been
misused, and where ore has been
mined, the lack of development will
defer realization on capital until the
exploratory, work is sufficiently nd
vanced to admit of daily output APP
proximating pre-war conditions. The
mines are not seriously crippled but
what Of the steel plants in which the
iron ores are smelted? In my opinion
no such atrocity was ever perpetrated
against the industrial life of any
country. Magnificent plants, compar-
ing favorably with anything we have
In the United States, are now but a
tangled, twisted mass of structural
steel and broken stone. The willful
demolition was scientifically planned
and Systematically carried out. This
after the removal Of all such mechan
ical and electrical power units as
could be used by Germany. The ma
llciousness and efficiency with which
this crime against French industr!
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1919-06-06
FOOD FOR The
BABY CHICK

AS the body of baby chick is COM
posed Of rs per cent water sufticlent
supply of good clean water should be
kept before it ut all times. One OF the
first requirements of chick Is grit.
Common sand is preferable to CONNER
cial grit as 1t is not quite so sharp
and It not inclined to irritate the deli
cate digestive tract
Nature has provided within the chick
sufficient food for the first 30 TO 4S
hours in the form of the yolk OF the
egg. This is absorbed just before
Matching. For this reason no FEED
should be given for the first few hours
or until the chick shows indications OF
being hungry.
At no time during the first two
eeks should the chick be given all the
feed It will eat In order to get the
hest results In raising baby chicks, 1t Is
necessary to make the artificial condi-
lions under which they are raised cor
\ - nearly as possible to those
v. ID have prevailed In the
wild state.
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1919-06-06
Use Airplanes
To Fight Bandit

headline, "Airplanes to Smash New
Band of Bandits" 1t says:
According to reliable reports the
latest band of bandits in Santo Do
mingo numbers about 400 young and
active men, and they are Well armed
and have plenty of ammunition. The
haunt of the gang is in the San Pedro
Macoris district, and while they adopt
the old profession of being revolution
lists they are proving to be as ready
for murder and pillage as their pro-
totypes who are gone. There has been
nothing like a pitched battle with the
outlaws as yet, but marine officers hav-
Ing commands In the district are ex-
pecting serious trouble at any time. 1t
has been authenticity stated that
squadron of five or six airplanes with
force of 80 trained pilots and me-
chanics has recently been landed on
the island and is being modified at
the Consuelo sugar estate in the San
Pedro MacOris district, where a wide
cleared area and level plains make the
ground ideal for the building of air
dromes and the maneuvering of the
machines.
Expected to Check Lawlessness.
although no official information has
been given out, it is currently report
ed that the airpanes. when put in
proper shape, will he armed with ma.
chine guns and will play conspicu-
Gus part in the hunting out of the
bandits lurking In the jungles and In
properly cleaning them up. With the
leathernecks afoot and the air full of
'humming birds there does not seem
to be much hope for the would-be bad
men. and the fertile plains of San Do
mingo may soon be made safe for hon.
est men,"
News from other sources is I'd the
effect that several flights have been
made over the territory to which the
gang has been driven for conceallnent
with the result that concealment was
Immediately made doubly sure In the
tall grass and timber. to escape from
the rain of bullets from the skies
What execution was done is not known
here.
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1919-06-06
WHAT THEN Is LIFE2

What is L.ife?" l asked of a wanton
child,
AS he chased butterfly;
And his laugh gushed out all joyous and
Wild
AS the insect fitted by
What is Life?" l asked. "Oh, tell me.
l pray!
His echoes rang merrily, Life is Play!"
What is Life?" l asked of the maiden
fair.
And l watched her glowing cheek.
AS the bushes deepened and softened
there,
And the dimpes played hide and seek"
What is Life? Can you tell me it's full
est measure?"
She smilingly answered. Life is Pleas
ure!"
What is life?" asked of soldier
brave,
As he grasped the hilt OF his sword
As he planted his foot on a foeman's
grave
And looked Creations lord"
What is I.ife2" queried. "Oh, tell me
its story"
His brow grew bright as he answered.
"Glory,"
What is Lifs7' l asked a mother
As she bent DER her babe asleep.
With low. hushed tone. lest a thought
aloud
Might waken its slumbcr deep
Her smile turned grave. though wondrous
In beauty
As she made reply. "Iifeg Life 10 Duty,"
l turned to the father, who stood near
by.
And gazed on his wife with pride;
Then u tear OF JOY shone bright in his
eye
For the treasure that lay at her side:
l listened we'll for the tale that should
come:
MY ife?".he cried, MY life is Home!'
What Is Life?" asked the statesman
grand,
The idol of the hour;
The fate OF a nation was In his hand;
He, sickening. turned from the worlds ca
ress,
Its a bubble" he cried. "'Tis empti-
ness!"
turned and asked my inner hesrt
What story II could unfold;
II bounded quick in its pulses start
As the record 1t unroled.
I read on the page, Love. Hope Joy
Strife
What the heart would make it-such Il
Life"'
Sarah Brock. an English Poet OF the
Early Nineteenth Century.