The Washington times., 1919-02-26

In an address that thrilled his hear
ers to the bone, the Prexy said:
Governor, mayer, friends and Re-
publicans, in the order named: II
heartens me to be In Boston today, as
| feel that I am apphOaching America.
want to thank you for the wonder
full reception that Boston has ten
dered me, and when I am no longer
living in the White House I would
like to settle down in Boston. Say
about 1928. ] would like to spend ths,
rest of my days in this town. And
my nights in New York.
America has just succored Bel
gium. We gave succOr to Poland.
We gave succor TO Serbia. We gave
some succOr TO Armenia We also
gave some sucker. to Holland. We
know his name He was the man who
said that after taking Paris and Lon
don he would go to Washington. You
can't go to Washington by that route.
You've got TO start in Trenton.
Il will stay in America long enough
70 grab a couple OF fouE-y1finute eggs
and then clatter back to Europe. My
experiment Of landing in Boston has
been an entire success. Thank YOU"
Immediately after escaping from
Boston, Woody Syrated to Washing
ton to visit his North American office.
Between juggling a couple Of hemi-
spheres like a pair of apples, and
keeping the worms out of the apples,
he is buster than a cat in creamery.
The President is taking a chance in
leaving Europe fiat on its back at this
moment. as his League of Nations is
liable to flap out of it's cradle and
and right on it's liz pink nose.
Americas first and only commut-
ing President will keep the Senate
awake for about a week and then
intends to scoOt back to Paris to
pull the international weeds out Of
his fOurteen-pOint garden. He did
not state whether he means TO lease
a villa in France for the dry season.
To a man who has always worked
for living. this League OF Nations
ination your check comes back from
matte spaghetti. When you try to
draw on the average citizens imas-
Tokyo and three other cities that can
his skull marked mo Funds" There
is nothing secret about the supreme
council. Their intentions are about
as private as a postal card. Still
nobody seems to know what it's all
about.
We are hep that Germany is to be
in the Bush League OF Nations and
that the big circuit will have teams
in Washington, Paris. London, Rome
ing last week. we dod't know what
afford franchises. Berlin is to be
kept crippled like a rungless step
ladder. As the Ami. Of Afghanistan
solved the tall cost of living. by dy-
ing last week, we didn't know what
the Afghannies were going to do in
the big league.
We do know that the kaiser has
sold those smoked glasses that he
bought to use in his place in the sun
field. And we're wise that America
is going to have charge OF the
water bucket. The Sultan of Turkey
has been waived on by all the big
league clubs and is headed for the
sticks. But as for the rest of the
bunk, We're as puzzled as a centipede
with a thousand left feet.
The League of Nations is the eIe-
Dhant of the idea zoo. 1t makes the
other diplomats look like two-colOred
flushes. We even suspect that Ma
pOleOn opened some of WOody's early
mail. The world and suburbs is to
be one big family. If one fights they !
all fight. That's family life.
II some splintered-eyed Manchurian !
luke decides to take a two-hsted
slam at a Ioose-eared Zappovian king. I,
hat drsN5 the whole league OF ma