The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1919-12-26
.MONONGALIA
MUSINGS

ga San Francisco astronomer re-
Gently threw a good sized scare into
the minds OF the superstitious by pre-
dieting dire monkey shines on the part
.of the solar system in general and
this planet in particular. All these
pranks were going to occur because
Jupiter, Venus, Mars, Saturn and Nep-
tune are grouped together in the morn!
ing skies as II they were plotting mis-
chief. The performance was to take
place on the 18th of this month. The
astronomer was evidently Slightly
mixed in his dates. Had he predicted
something sensational for the 18th Of
December, he could have always
pointed to the jolt given John Bar
leycorn by the Supreme court as a
vindication of his seer ability.
''"A southern sage assumes that II
the Fourth Of July has been made
sane, Christmas should be made
Christian.
"sHSome ore, in possession OF a gal.
loping CAB, asserts that If st. Paul
should come back to earth and preach
the doctrine that it was woman's duty
to render her husband implicit obedi-
ence, he would be greeted with con.
temptuous faminine derision. He
would be lucky If he met only derision.
'"sThe papers report that vast guam
titles OF liquor are being smuggled
across the Canadian line into New
York. 1t is to be hoped that coudi-
tons fill never become so serious that
ten men will be required to keep one
man sober.
''"Em Goldman and her pRl have
left us. AS they did not deport them.
selves properly they are gong to be
deported
''"Garfield and Grant both advo-
Gated the taxation Of church property,
but we should have kept quiet about
It.
'"sA pompous philosopher says COS
sip would be very interesting If true.
But in seven cases out of ten it is idle
talk started by some vicious person
to get even. with an enemy
"'"A safe and sane sample of hui
manity declares that If man falls
heir to a wife who actually likes him,
he should never cease to give thanks.
It would certainly be base ingratitude
for one so fortunate, to neglect such
an opportunity.
H"fAre the experts all unreliable?
Let George answer it.
'"One who has not worn his brains
to fragile over suffrage sugar and
society, informs us that two months
after marriage girl attracts as little
attention as a congressman who has
been defeated for re- election.
'+fSam Johnson said an ambassador
is one who goes abroad to lie for his
country, Perhaps he would not be
believed at, home.
'"tThe snow is here, but the seen
catalogues are coming. December is
with us, but May is on the way.
'"FIs the United States Senate a
dignified or depraved body Of men? Is
1t an honorable or hysteriCal group OF
mortals? Can any one truthfully say
Of them that they now have power
ITO raise mortal to the skies
Or draw an angel down"
t*'What is the difference between
a socialist and a hen? That's easy:
A socialist wants the rich to divide
with him. A hen wants both the rich
and the poor to divide with her.
'H@The birthday of Thomas Carlyle
Il approaching Thomas Carlyle, one
Of the worlds gigantic minds. But
who cares for Carlyle now while the
sporting page is so attractive?
'''A model husband has at last been
found. He resides in Chicago. He
never spent a penny on tobacco or
liquor, was never inside theatre
and never spent an evening away from