New-York tribune., 1919-01-23
A BLITHESOME BALLAD OF THE
HONORABLY DISCHARGED

On the blow and the cough and the snecze.
Measles and mumps, they are sad, sir,
But doughboys are sure overjoycd,
For we're safe from the smallpox bcgad sir,
And never can have the typhoid.
pants;
Back to more less unmiXed regrets for
dear old France;
Back to LIS and subways and to Broadway's
No Mans Land,
That midnight trail where every frail is
tinted up by hand;
Back to brutal bosses and to unions and
to strikes;
Back to greasy Bolsheviks, pro Germans,
and the likes;
What we've got to show for it is pinned
upon our vests
And they jabbed us in the biceps, so we're
safe from two old pests.
All we can die of is gunshot
Surgery, powders, and pills.
Those of us coming home unshot
Fear but a few human ills
Paralysis, asthma, hay fever,
But nix on the varioloid
They can hang as like Old Danny Deever
But they can't kill US Off with typhoid
C. A.
ut IS perhaps not unbecomng of
me- said Mr.. j. Ogden Armour, "to even
alludc to the fact Perhaps not. But it
is unbccoming to Mr.. Armour to use the
cleaver on his iniintives. 1t was prac-
tce strictly forbidden at Armour Insti-
tute, where we got as much education
though since reading "The Education of
Henry Adams" our conviction that it
was poor has grown-as it was possible
to absorb in four years.
Again the Guilty Feeling suffuses the
consumer when he reads that the high
price Of meat is due principally to him.
The whceze about Gen. Wood and pres
idential timber is entitled to at least one
service chevron.
Club dues are to be taxed Is per cent
instead of 10 per cent but the Contrbs'
Club is exempt
THE LEISURE CLASS
From Tho word
iousEWoKN--colored girl half time.
general housowork; no washing; anything
ell. Anglers, 2iG W. lttth st, apartment 20.
The railroad situation, like others is
giimpsed from the personal viewpoint,
which is as tcnable, generally, as the
militantly impersonal. I'm violently op-
posed to government ownership of the
railroads." writes NJ. j. b. every time
think of how they Cook the Nessolrode
pudding off the b. Of f. at the Broad
Street station in Philadelphia"
Major Edmond Devol got back ycster-
day, and this is our first chance to cite
the Major (then Lieutenant) for giving
us the best luncheon we had in all Gaul.
1t was at Base Hospital No. 8, and the
mess sergeant was Schuyler Ladd, once
"The Dat1odl' in "The Yellow Jacket"
When Mr.. Shonts speaks of increased
subway fares he forgets an increase that
passengers have stood during 1918. It
is necessary, to keep your mind off the
subway. to read at least one newspaper
every trip. In the old days, your fare,
anasthetic included, was &c; now it
is 7c
"lley, said cartoonist yesterday.
rather irreverently, mention my name
in that column some day, will you?"
Such delicate appeal can not be ig-
norcd. Glare Aloysius Briggs.
"Ehe Foley Bill Amendments" says an
Albany dispatch, "is designed to make
the law tighter" The tightness Of the
law varying inversely with that of the
soldier.
War veterans will be glad to learn of
the contemplated formation of Coming
Tower Post No. /, a fireside at which war
liars only are to be admitted. Don't
crowd.
Perhaps if the railroads spent less
money to maintain the temperature of
sleeping cars at 90 degrees the railroad
deficit would not be $3.50, ,OOO
The tax on theatre admissions is to
remain at 10 per cent, so the Spectators
worry about the prospect of having to
sell lead pencils is dispelled
Living costs 1919 more than it did in
1914, and--though we hope no dealer in
shoes or neckties sees this paragraph
it is worth it.
Oh. we'll, perhaps whiskey drinking is
unconstitutional unless one have the iron