Carthage courier. (Carthage, Tenn.) 1913-current, 1919-12-04
LOWER BILL
TOWN U. S. A.

It was indeed a pleasant surprise
to have a brother editor in embryo
rise UP away over in the "Sunflower
State" and shout a eulogy so loudly
on my powers of lying that distinct
ly heard him here in the "Whizzer"
office, above the roar of the Kansas
cyclone and the howl of the coyote
At the first reading of his article
thought it smacked somewhat of
irony. Seemed that it was too heavily,
loaded with honied phrasea of praise
and l took it with grain OF salt. But
after. reading and re-reading several
times, was fully convinced that he
meant to run me down and pelt me 20
death with bouquets. It was then that
his words fell upon my soul like sweet
mama.
| He thinks that / am an artist at
| deceiving; that / class up with the
giants at lying and that / bestride
| this narrow, lying world like some
nnc6ey.t art hart hart art hart harth
! COLOSSUS and all the little liars creep
between my legs only TO find nIiser-
able graves for themselves. That
can tell and tell and always get by.
It is easy sailing. That can steer
clear of Charybdis, avoid Scylla and
never plunge into the Maelstrome.
can weave the tangled web 50 we'll
that / never spin the beans.
IT'S at funerals and weddings that
he thinks ] am at my best. It is there
that / come unto nay own. That
would be there with the grapes and
paint to perfection Touch off the
brides beauty and accomplishments to
queens taste. The fatal birthmark,
Wart on the nose, red hair or anything
else would not stand in my way. "A
little speck of powder. a little speck
of paint, makes the freckaes look as
if they ainst. And then at the funeral
straight uP to the mount of Trans
tfiguratiorl' / would go and SNATCH
some old cuss from the burning coefs
before he had had time to swinge
Tack on his wings right before the
eyes of my astonisfled subscribers and
make them wonder why so good a man
had to suffer so hong in this low vale;
why he hadn't been caught up &c
Heaven in a whirlwind lsng before
4 like Elisha of old. Then for my fun
eral service, he says the Irish potatoes
come. Holy horrors! isn't it ongh
Good Lord, I've long since had Irish
potatoes enough. l do not want any
more of the niild-eyed tubers-
Then he AIDES that after he himself
has shaken or TINS mortal COLI ~
ter the "Gri1E1 Reaper has come
through with his dread shears and th'
| time for the morbid crowd to take cn'
: last look at him has come; that thu
Whizzer will speak of him also. T'ni'
| is but natural, altogether human. M
| too, Lord. Remember me-" This thu
'eWhizzer" will do.
Good sir, the great eufogy you liav'
pronounced upon me will eyr rise al
I before me with its words Of praise a
memorial and / shall be glad t
render you any loving service. !.
In that last hour l viii certalntl
put upon you the Ascension Robe.
Doesn't matter how far you hav
wandered from kind Virtues way
doesn't matter what herd of hypo
critics you may fellowship with, ! WI
: laud you up in that heaven high an
|. dry. ard if John, the Revelator, shoul
. ever stand upon the Isle of Patnof
and take a second peep at the sanc
: titled throng around the throne, n
e will certainly see you stepping tn
tango with the saints around tn
a throne upon the green
: So goodnight to the kind and az
: ccmplished Kansas reader.
The lying SLICKER SNAKE