Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1919-10-17

Stanu ana Sympath1Ze with his
weakness. At least it must be ad-
mitted that his wife is to be blamed
as well as he.
to become absolutely miserable
with her husband or her marriage
she ought to review her own be-
havior with a good deal of care. 1
don't mean that she ought to refer
the matter to an idolizing mother
or some woman friend who is pretty
sure to confirm her own belief in
her martyrdom.
No one else can tell her what she
ought to know herself. Has she
been fair and reasonable and kind
and has she given the man every
chance to be open and square"
with her? If she hasn't, think She
should give her husband, who, after
all, may love her very much, an
other chance. If she has done all
this, and still has failed-well, in
that case there is no more to be
said.
Where the Fault Is
For when the fault really is all
on one side, and when the husband
or the wife, as it might be, in
some cases-is as deaf to reason
able appeals as the husband, de-
scribed in the letter have quoted,
then there is little or no chance of
the marriage remaining permanent.
Indeed a marriage that isn't a
marriage, and that can't, after hon
est trial, be remade into the real
thing, ought not to be permanent.
Perhaps that sounds extreme. Per-
haps some of my correspondents
won't agree with me. But let me
explain what 1 mean.
That close mutual relation of
marriage, the most wonderful rela-
tionship possible, must be based on
love, as all lovers know. But love
alone is not enough, fact of which,
perhaps, all young lovers are not
so sure. If q marriage is to be real
the two partners must be able to
trust and respect each other and
there must be absolute truth be-
tween them.
No sort of permanent arrange
ment can be built on a moral quick
sand, much less the ideal affair
young lovers long for. And this is
matter that the young wife who
has written to me seems to- under
stand and that her husband unfor-
tunately fails to.
Certainly many marriages have
been ruined by deceit. And though
men have sometimes been the VIC
Tins, I believe that women have
suffered more often, and largely for
the following reason:
A great many men have been al
lowed to grow up with n very false
Of Ntinx in T1
Perhaps at the bottom of it all
there is a very old and unpleasant
notion. never put into words nova
days, that a woman don't really mat
ter. That it isn't necessary or even
wise, to tell the whole truth always,
to n woman.
May Accept n Woman's Love
A man may marry and accept the
beautiful gift of n woman's entire
self, the gift of her life, her energy,
l.er love, with no idea in the world
of giving her a full equivalent. Such
a man as this may honestly believe
that his own life is still his secret
affair, and that if an innocent wife
asks him innocent questions-too
many of them at least-she really
can expect nothing better than to be
lied to. Do men ever think in just
this fashion? Never having been a
man, I cannot be sure, but a great
many of them act as if they did.
If they do, however, they must
unlearn this very serious mistake
The girls of to-day have grown out
of the defenseless ignorance that
possibly once invited deceit. They
are more self-reliant and better in
formed than were the girls of gen.
Grafton ago. They know truth-t ell
ing to be virtue from which me-
er sex is exempt. And they kl