The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1919-08-31

Ign Wells. A hard master she found
him, though. Back came her contribu
tons without fail until. reused to the
very zenith of poetic INSPIRATION, she
evolved the superb masterpiece:
"A tutor who footed the flute
Tried to tutor two tutors 10 .oot.
Said the two to the two tutors. Is it
harder to toot
Or to tutor two tutors to toot? =
THAT won't. 1t was poem after Eur
CESS own heart.
l laugh when l catch myself speaking
of hearts in connection with Burgess's
San Francisco or Purple Cow" period
A raging Bohemian in those days he
devoted his genius to decorating res
taurants With dellrious goops and add
ing such inscriptions as Something
Terrible is Going to Happen" and
heart-throbs were hardly his style. 1t
took years to develop the riches of his
emontional nature. l don't recall the
date precisely, but I think it was some
where in the neighborhood of 1910 that
| first recognized how inexhaustible
those riches might be. The Yuletide
season had barely ended The Christ
mas spirit still warmed every bosom.
Just at the proper moment. Burgess
contributed to my "colyum" quatrain
which, for depth. sweetness, and tender,
loving, fond devotion, has few equals.
Thus, in his repture, sang Burgess:
My Christmas presents are at rest
Upon the closet shelf,
Except the one | like the best
The one 1 bought myself"
Really, | ought to be switched for
chatting Burgess like this. / haven't seen
him for age, Meantime he has mar
ried one of the most brilliant women
in America-and quit fooling, 1 guess
and he was in France during the war.
and wrote war the Creator" in which
he showed a sympathetic profundity I
never supposed he possessed. That is
the queer thing about humorists. Trif-
lers on the surface, they are serious
underneath. And by and by. unless
they look out; they get to be serious on
the surface too. The other day | called
up Burgess on the phone, and said I
was under the necessity of including
him among the funniest men that ever
lived and wouldn't he help me out and
1T was an agony to note the snub I re-
ceived. Woof! Woof, Never again.
HE HAS TEMPER
lie was touchy. always-especially
about being lionized Once | heard
him exclaim, Il won't go to teas and
talk to women eleven feet tall" And
| thought he was touchy by disposition.
or rather because his idea of work is
to do everything by disposition, or skill
and skill comes hard, and gets on ones
nerves, and flags one out. so that when
evening arrives there arrives also a
kind of fretfulness.
You can drive Burgess nearly wild
by strewing your talk with needless
'verys" or by risking the bromide
phrase, Il want to state right here and
now No wonder. He hates sloppy
. p a 90 10 i;
more than mere moral and intel
lectual revulsion. 1t is physical and
hurts Sometimes l have thought that
just about the most uncomfortable oc-
cupation a man could select would be
that of being Gelett Burgess. And
then again, not.
For he has kiddish side. and nobly
reposeful it can become, When he first
called at our house, we introduced him
to our menagerie of sham beasts
queer images in every sort Of material
from ivory to papier mache. Imme-
diately he demanded that we all sit
down on the floor and play with them.
SO we did. For quarter of an hour
Burgess was eighteen months old and
the rest of us hardly older :
Besides. he has a burning affection
for the creatures of his fancy while
they are in process of being created
He may spurn them moment overrun
with horrid goops and PURPLE cows. he
tears his hair. But you should see his
enthusiasm flame up while an idea is
fresh--hands on the knees. for instance
or plans for THE Maxims of Methu-
selah' or Are You Bromide?' Round
among his friends he trots, inviting
them to share his ardor Hence the
large and growing class of Americans
who every time new marvel by
Gelett Burgess appears announce that
they originated it. Moro than once /
have contributed literally to Are You
a Bromide" and that, if only Burgess
had stayed longer | might have i'm
mortalizei the finest bromidiom of
them all, which is the remark YOU in
variably overhear at a fire: "Now--I-
tell--you-it's hot in there.n
somehow | feel that Burgess is get
ting more taffy than he deserves in
this articles, considering his snippiness
over the phone, and yet, merely to