davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

The enormous cost of the war is
staggering. The United States fig
urcs are not available. These figures
are given to emphasize the statement
that, if from no other consideration,
the countries of the old world are
sick of the war, and are determined
if possible, never to have another.
The cost in human life, wreckagc
of towns and cities and industrial in
stitutions-thesc costs cannot be com
puted. Does any one imagine for Il
moment that any nation on earth
now, with the history and experience
of this world war staring it in the
face, would even think OF going t.
war again? The "sincws OF war,
evidently would be lacking.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

Charles had been instructed to clean
the back yard and when his father in
spectcd it that night it was in per-
feet condition. The following even
ing, however, it looked worse than
over.
GLOW is this, song" asked his par
ent. Yesterday you cleaned the
yard finely, but today it is awful"
Gee whiz! 1t amt my fault" ex-
planned Charles Indignantly. Il fired
everything over the fence next door,
but today that fresh kid that lives
there fired EN- all bnck again and 4
lot more besides"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28
WHO is HE?

Who is this Mr.. Lane, the Free
Lance of the Sixth district? We take
IT that he was editor in-chief of the
Old Domision, the great reform pa
per once circulating in and around
Salem. BY all means elect Mr. Lane,
instead of Col. Wood. Sir. Lane will
overturn things. Congressman Glass
record will fade. Virginia will have
new school books, great highways,
the. railroads will be returned to the
owners or not az Mn. Lane shall de-
cree. By all means let Col. Wood
vacate in favor of Mr. Lane. He is
1T. And when he sets out for the
White House get somebody to slip u
spelling book and first reader in his
grip.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28
THE SOLDIERS UNIFORM AGAIN

A leading citizen Of Burke's Garden
c2lled in Monday to Suggest" he
said, that the returning soldiers be
urged to take good care of their uni
forms, as they will come in fine in our
celebrations and parades, say, about
July 4th, next
1t will be recalled that this paper
spoke Of this matter in Il recent is
sue, (Which our friend said he did not
sce), urging the boys to preserve
the uniforms in good shape for spec
ial occasions. Also, these uniforms
will become as the years go by, more
and more valuable as historic relics
and memorials of the greatest war OF
all history. Put your uniforms away,
boys, and wear them only on occasion.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

A quack doctor was holding forth
his medicines to rural audience.
eyes, gentlemen" he said, Z" have
sold these pills for 25 years and new
er heard word of complaint. Now
what does that prove?"
Voice in the crowd: "That dead
men tell no tales"
The map will have to be changed
considerably. Yes, we are going t.
have boundary lines instead of Hin
Boardcf: Two rats are lighting in
my room. Landlady: What did you
want; bull fight for so cents IL
night?
~ guess I'm a l't.le too keen with
my rep0rtee."
Gum"
$50 Pm going to quit saying cut
ting things"
That's right. Be reparteetotaler
Buy War Savings Stamps.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

Mr.. Will Maken had just popped
the question to Miss Elderleigh. the
lady of his choice.
I'm sorry" she answered reso-
lutely, 81 cannot marry you. Pm sure
you never saw any encouragement
written on my face"
"Ah, truc!" sighed the rejected one.
al suppose it was because Of my in
ability to read between the lines"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28
\ VALID CLAIM FOR INDEMNITY
New York Times.)

Apparently Russia is not to be saw
ed at Prinkipo after all. The Boil
shevik will not sit down with the
other parties unless all delegates are
searched for concealed weapons, AMI
the other parties will not sit down
with the Bolsheviki in any circum-
stances. In view of this the episode
passes into history. and it rcmails
only to adjust any claims that r,ay
legitimately be brought by persons
disconnected by the plans made AID
abandoned.
Chief Of those who might hive :.
grievance against the Government 81
thc United States are our delegates,
Professor Heron and William Al
len White. Presumably they were t.
receive nothing but mileage---in itself
considerable itcm--for their ser
vices, but they may have some claim
TO compensation for the money they
might have earned during the pcriot
when they were distracted from their
ordinary callings by the labor oil
packing up for Turkey and reading
up on Russia. However, this item
will probably he insignificant; Pro.
fessor Heron il presumably not EN-.
gagged in gainful occupation, but liv.
ing on an income; and Mr.. White
present at Paris az n newspaper cor
respondent, will lose nothing unles.
he was working on space" which is
unlikely.
Those who have genuine claim
to naturalization are the hotel keep
ers of Prinkipo, who no doubt lool
back respectfully to the paln1y day;
before the war when their island wa.
something of a resort. 1t can't hav,
{ been that in the last few years. 70
there was nobody to resort and moth
ing to resort to; but the plan of (
. Russian conference must have raised
wonderful hopes of rush on &c
commodations equal to that of ma
tional convention in Chicago. Withou
doubt they had bought all the avail
able cots in Constantioplc, expectin.
to lire them up in the lobby; the bill
lard tables had been busted off fol
use rs sleeping quarters, the bath
tubs fitted with mattresses. All thi.
was quite good deal of expense
and with the failure of the confer
cnce there will be no trade for year:
to come than can reimburse them
1t looks rs if the fund that defray.
the administrative expenses Of thu
Peace Conference is liable for dam
ages to the hotel men of Prikipo.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

The name of Borah suggests that
OF II little insect, the borcr, which
worms it way into fruit trees, de-
stroying them. This Senator should
be treated rs the orchardist treats the
pcstifcious little worm.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

We rise to offer motion that Ole
Hanson he requested and hereby COM
miSsioncd TO make raid upon the
|. W. WIS ct ais, in Washington. He
didn't get all of 'em in his net in
Semitic.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28
ONE WAY TO WRITE 1T.
HIS MASTERS VOICE.

Captain (sharply)-Button up that
coatl
Married Recruit (absently)-Yes,
my dear.-London Tit-Bits
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

Money is tight" sighed the bust
ness man, as he glanced up from the
page he was reading in the street
car.
mo wonder" said the prohibition
list, who was sitting besire him. Just
consider how much Of it goes into ga
looms.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

the Captain, land today it bears this
iengend: "'Second Lieutenant Frank
Luke, pilot of the 9th Aero Squad
ron, nineteen victories. Killed in ac-
ton Sept. 90, 1918"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

When such giant as Judge Taft
comes out openly and squarcly in ia
vor of President Wilson'S League of
Nations, the opponents in Washing
ton dwndlc-look like pigmies.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

even when man realizes his
hopes" said Uncle Eben, "he gener
ally wishes he had hoped foh sumpin
else"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

He (just to make conversational
Do you think opals are unlucky?
She-I should prefer diamond if
it's all the same to you.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

THE Lcauguc Of Nations is un-
constitutional" gays 4 critic in the
Senate. Ask Mr.. Taft. He knows
and approves the league.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

How many Of these critics of the
peace contract had son in the war
in France? Somebody please take a
census.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

Work and save. Invest in war saw
ings. Hold your securities. Do not
surrender your War Savings stamps
or Liberty bonds conditionally or un-
conditionally.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

what has become Of the greyhound
you had?"
"Killed himself"
Really"
Yes, tried to catch fly on the
small of his back and miscalculated.
Bit himself in two"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1919-02-28

One of the best portraits of Thco.
dore Roosevelt, to be seen in "The
Fighting Roosevelt" at New Thea.
tire, March 18th.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
WICKERSHAM TRIES TO DECEIVE
 COMMITTEE

In a statement before the House Elections com mittee Judge Wickersham wanted Congress to assume that all those who voted in the Democratic primary in April 1918 voted for Delegate Sulzer at the sup seuuent general election. He wanted IL so that II he could prove that certain persons who Voteo at the Democratic primary and at the NoVemper elec ton were not qualified electors, it would De assumee that they had voted for Mir. Sulzer and nave thel votes deducted from his total.
 When Judge Wickersham advanced that theory he knowingly attempted deceive the commitlee' Judge Wickersham knows, and he Knew when ne urged that stuff the committee, that his rns had A candidate for the nomination for Delegate ana in the First Division candidates for the Legislature fin the Democratic primary, and his supporters IT. the Territory went into the Democratic primary and voted for these candidates In Juneau, Tor ln- stance, then Mayor Valentine who had been Judge Wickershams< First Division manager for years, ana nearly all the other Wickershamites, went into the Democratic primary and voted for Maloney, ana IT the November election they voted for Wickersham He knows and knew when he tried to bunk the com mittee that nearly all of the votes that were cast for Maloney in the Democratic primary were cast for Wickersham in the November election. He knew that the fact that had voted in the Demo- cratic primary in April 1918 did not indicate by any means that he voted for Sulzer in November, 1918 As usual, Judge Wickersham tried to deceive the committee.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
THE TREATY IN FRANCE

The opposition to the Treaty of Peace in France is now making an appeal the people on the ground that France did not get enough out of the treaty at the expense of Germany. This faction in France wants German territory, more German money and a stronger position to be used in holding Ger many down by force.
 In short, it is party that would like to build the foundation for peace out of the samc kind of materials that crumbed to pieces when the began Considering the history of the two nations that is the kind of peace France is entitled if nothing better be offered, and nothing better is offered except the general agreement O. nations to keep the peace outlined in the Leaguc of Nations.
 And what is true of the relations between France and Germany is true all Europe. Either tho old method which postponed until pressure burst the restraining bands must be adopted the League must be tried.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

made honestly they would not be worth more than thirty cents
 One difference between hogs and chickens is that hogs look a whole lot better when they are dressed.
 Any time you see a corn fed run ming after a street car you will admit that the more waist the lass speed.
 Many a man who is too pure and holy to recognize his neighbors here goes around preaching that we shall know each other there.
 The average man would want to fight if some other man would try treat his wife as meanly as he treats her.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
GET THE NAME STRAIGHT

Without desiring in the least to be thought prim ly precise, objection must be made to the common error of calling the visiting Prince of Wales Davit Guelph. The family name of the English governing house is not Geuelph, but Victim, and is descended from an early German Margrave Count By acf of Parliament following the exercise of royal will this was changed to Windsor shortly after the dec laration of against Germany
 It is therefore, the proper thing to refer to the visitor at David Windsor, but it isn't exactly polite The reason is that there is nothing upon which to base this familiarity which aside from the humor of the commonized name, represents hos tility preensions of preferment through divine right.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

and countrysdes, are now shedding crocodile tears because the peace terms are cruel and harsh to Germany Last November these Senators were ready to make use for political purposes ot the oisappoi'
 ont reeu1tinp from unsated lust for blood and ven
 no. ,vbicb had bcen whetted by victories along tbe Western front Now the German vote, whlch is sunposed to be tear-staned because or the nara sbins in the Fatherland, looks very good to them, and they are shedding for tear ln order to co it Like weathercocks the opposing Senators change
 ;., ob varying breeze and like with birds of nrav all sorts and conditions of support look alike tn
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
BREEZY BUBBLES
(Philadelphia Bulletin ]

Philadelphia Bulletin)
 The Bergdolls still brewing-trouble The girls of the period dot the landscape OCT. A speaking likeness is supposed to have a telling effect.
 Many called, but few choose to get up till they're called down.
 The stout detective probably would not be rec ognzed in thin disguise.
 They do not always succeed in getting agreeable men to serve jury.
 My eye,' exclaimed the needle why do they always say, as neat pin?'"
 Some people seem to regard silver anniversary as golden opportunity to get presents Mirrors invented to show that lots of per- put in this world for vain purpose
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

The hotels that are being forced to close. ana uhiob find themselves with large stocks Of liquors on hand must have believed that prohibition Was nnt pons 10 prohibit.-( Boston Transcript
 People throughout the country are dlscoVerlhs what people prohibition States long ago iouu ou that for commercial purposes at least prohloltloh does prohibit
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Two Pittsburgh girls who were engaged at war work in France have compared notes ana announce that combined they refused 234 offers or marriage while lover There" the record pelhg ll4 LOT oe ord 1oo for the other At that it might be that th1 were fastidious rather than opposed to matrl Innn
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Luke McLuke Says

A woman can get more ont Of a man by showing two feet of stock ing than an old woman can by doing Salome dance for him.
 Don't waste any time cOntradicting liar. Let him go ahead and he will controdict himself
 A man isn't so blame proud of his ability as write when his letters are being read in breach-of-promise suit. Aa Hth
 If every dollar some men had was
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
SENATOR'S CHANGE WITH VARYING
 FREEZES

Nothing clearly demonstrates that many O the Senators who opposing the peace treaty arc doing so for the purpose of thwarting accomplish ment by the President and for political purpose. than the circumstance that the Senators who last Fall howled with rage because the President agreed to an armstice before conquering armies could par ade through Berin marching ruined cities
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Our Joe Miller Contest.

Doe Sloane claims that the oldest joke is the one about the farmer who hired farm hand and asked him why he quit his last job. Wall" re- piled the farm hand. ''it was like this
 A COW died, and we had to eat the COW. And hog died, and we had to eat the hog And a calf died, and
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

The death of Isaac Evans in the discharge of hi duty brings to hundreds of his friends in Southwestern Alaska If "peace hath her victories less renowned than war;" also there heroes in everyday life we'll in the vortex of battle Evans gave his life for his country truly as the noble who fill graves somewhere ir France '- (Cordova Times.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Rolled!

Rolled!
 The famous cracksman was riding in a passenger coach on a railroad He was boasting of his prowess to the man who sat beside him. "I can open anything that was ever made" bragged the cracksman Then open this window beside me-" said the other man.
 The cracksman smiled and al; tempted the seemingly simple task. One hour later he sat down and burst into tears.
 He was baffied for the first time ill his career
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Austria is apparently paying more severely than Germany, but the exactions made upon her have been accommodating for centuries and she is paying not so much to victors in to the peoples she had oppressed and misgoverned.-(N New York Sun
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Love and meal ticket get along well together philosophizes Jack Warwick. They do, they do; but this country is needing brand of love that will To- cate in vinecad bungalows and enter upon the con- struction of homemade meal tickets. (Houston
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

.we want Wilson," yelled the Seattle crowds Certain limited States Senators who do not want nm are making the demand for him so great that he ma! not be able to resist it.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Mexican Generals have a monopoly Of candldateS for President But any self-assertlVe chap cal Ie"u iy make himself Mexican General.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

we had to eat the calf Then the farmers wife died, and I didn't wait, quit"
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
BITS OF BY . PLAY By Luke McLuke
 -:- K Copyright by Cincinnati
 Enquirer sN
Advice.

"Too much fool talk said old man
 South, ,tf-
 "Is sure to start turmoil; M If you must shoot off your fool mouth Look out for the recoil." .r.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Same Old Story.

Try as he will, he's sure to fall,
 He's a well-meaning bloke; He'd set the. world on fire, but al, His plans go up in smoke.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
The Wise Fool,

There is nothing new under the sum-" observed the sage.
 Maybe not, commented the fool. But there are lot of fresh people"
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Famous Dans.

Famous Dams. Patch. -druff lube.
 Webster. --delion. --iel -ce. --te. Cupid
 No Joke. Ball Crank says that lot of actors who have never been in any danger of making hit have recently been called out on strikes. Good Dope. Brave up, old man! Give gloom the can! Hard luck can't knock you over. Just raise your chin, And wear a grin, And you'll soon be in clover.
 A Damp Neighborhood. Walters, Pool and Brooks are neighbors in Madeira, Ohio.
 Wuff We are ashamed to spring this tale, And yet we hate to duck it; A fellow gets little pale Before he kicks the bucket.
 Luke McLuke. This story, too, so gray with age, Your risibles may vex; A man gets nothing when at last He passes in his cheeks. Memphis Commercial-Appeal. Commencement" is, in high-brow
 thought, The time of honor-winning; So when ones dead why is he not To all intents beginning"
 Nebraska State Journal We give you right on all you say, Before the plotlet thickens; We're glad folks don't get dressed
 the way Our servant dresses chickens
 Houston Post.
 Names Is Names. B. E. Noble lives in London, w. Va
 Our Daily SpeciIa. You can make plenty of enemie; without putting in.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Outs.

The ins and outs of poker can
 Be learned; this no man doubts; But now and then you meet man
 Who only knows the outs.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Fiction.

You have few good fiction writers in this country" remarked the Eng lishman.
 "Is that sol" replied the American Then it is cinch you do not read the summer resort advertisements
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

No Joke. Ball Crank says that lot of actors who have never been in any danger of making a hit have recently been called out on strikes.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

You can make plenty of enemie; without putting in.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Some people seem to regard silver anniversary as golden opportunity to get presents.
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

Mirrors invented to show that lots of per- sons put in this world for vain purpose
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

My eye' exclaimed the needle why do the always say, as neat pin?"
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16
Names Is Names.
Our Daily SpeciIa.

B. E. Noble lives in London, w. Y
The Alaska daily empire., 1919-09-16

The detective probably would not be rec
 ognized in thin disguise.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1919-02-06
list from the Adjutant General have
different enlistment dates after them.
ALL TIRED OUT
Hundreds More in Manchester in the
Same Plight

Hundreds More in Manchester In the
Same Plight
Tired all the time;
Weary and worn out night and day;
Back aches; head aches.
Your kidneys are probably weaken
ed.
You should help them at their work.
Let one who knows tell you how.
Jasper Collect, Manchester Depot,
says: about three years ago | had
considerable trouble with my back and
kidneys. My back caused me annoy
ance when l had to bend over and my
kidneys were too frequent in action,
causing me to get up often at night.
| got up in the morning feeling tired
out and miserable and at times there
were black spots and flashes before my
eyes. learned Of Doan's Kidney Pills
and got some at Pratt's Drug Store.
/ used about three boxes and was rid
of the trouble. ! generally keep
Doan's on hand in case should need
them"
Price Coo, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for a kidney remedy--get
Doan's Kidney Pills---the same that
Mr.. Collett had. Foster Milburn Co.,
Mfgrs., Buffalo, N. Y. adv-29-2
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1919-02-06

red or black flag; or banner or sign,
bearing upon its any inscription OPP
posed to organized government, or
sacrilegious in its nature, or opposed
TO public morals, shall be imprisoned
not more than six months, or fined not
more than 5000 or both"
II SO, an act to amend section GIT
Of the General Laws, relating 10 the
licensing of vicious dogs.