davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
CLOSE MOUTHED

1 One of the first things I did wher l I became a member of the Age-Heralc family was to begin a campaign fol 1 better marketing facilities
 | was not only interested in the muni- cipal end of it as chaperoned at that time by "Jim" Weatherly, but used my best efforts, to get the local dealers to handle more country produce and pay better attention to displaying it. wrote much about the need of Bir- mingham's citizens tb get the market mond, Baltimore and other cities where it was good form not only for house. wives but for the head of-.the homes to take baskets on their arms and make a round of the stalls.
 In fact I tried in every way to stir our people up to the need of not de- pending on few hucksters at their front doors for their fruits and vege- tables Then when war broke out and there was need not only to con serve food but man power as well 1 jumped into the fight to do away with deliveries as far as possible.
 The high cost of living is the big thing with us and before us. The day may come when the middleman will be largely eliminated but it has not yet arrived, andl the retail merchant plays
 
 big part in the business life of our times. It is easy to kick against his profits. and yet few assist in helping him to reduce his overhead expenses.
 Now the grocer or dry goods or shoe or in fact any merchant who has to be put to the cost of costly delivery system is as a matter of course bound to pass it one to the consumer The public howls about the rising prices and yet only a small part of it is willing to make any personal sacrifice to help reduce it by carrying parcels home.
 I have always liked to shop and par ticularly so when it is for the table. One thing is sure, those who take the lIOuplc tO 50 III pSTSOu 10 the U1dTkelS and grocery stores get the pick of the offerings. I have been at it for years and I am glad that more people are now doing their own buying. It gives bet ter satisfaction to the purchaser and the seller for by coming face to face they learn to know one another
 
 Now it is hard to get a place on the streets for the country wagons. l be- lieve the first place tried out was on Fourth avenue between goth and 22nd streets, but for some reason was alan doned. Then for a year or more they lined up on First avenue between 21 st and 22nd streets. do not know why this was given up.
 As we ai know, at present the Rain bow viaduct is given over to them much to the annoyance of the auto mobile users. and against the earnest protest of the Birmingham Automo- bile club. I came across the bridge
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT THE HUNEOR | OF BRICK MUSGROVE, THE CANDIDATE

I and announced that he was on his way to Demopolis to buy any rooster named for Senator Underwood in order that he might have the privilege of pluciing it's tail feathers
 But when Musgrove reached Demo- polls he was too late for the Under wood rooster. and some humorist, de- siring to pluck from Breck some real coin. offered goat at the auction, which he declared bore the name of Oscar W. Underwood. Musgrove promptly announced that he would pay s1,ooO for it in order that he might get Underw ood's goat-
 # * #
 Breck is having lots of fun out of his Senatorial campaign, and is get ting a goodly share of publicity He is well supplied with the worlds goods and he is generous in the expenditure of the same He likes to have all the fun there is In life, and apparently does not care whether he ever achieves any political office, so long as he has had the pleasure of being talked about for big office.
 * #
 Breck, however, does not seek to make merry with his other opponent whom Blackman used to cartoon with so much zest. This serious minded one is apparently in the race for the Senate himself He has so announced, but Breck has been unable to find anyone who has promised to vote for him, and the said gentleman is running about all alone looking for someone to an- nounce for him and to follow him. He, having written some of the Laws of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

A lot of men think that Religion is something to be donned on Sunday morning and put away in the moth balls on Sunday night A young married man can tell you that a woman always wants the last word. An old married man can tell you that woman doesn't know there is such thing as the last word Another damli: Once upon time there was Q woman who kept her face closed when she had nothing to say. wife often worries for fear her hus- band will work too hard in hot wealth CT But husband is never that thoug ful about his wife
 And just because a girl has fuzz on her cheeks she needn't get the idea that she is peach
 Once upon a time God created a per feet man. Then woman married him and discovered 4,9S7 flaws in him.
 It doesn't hurt to tell the truth once In while. There are too manw churches In this country and not enough reli- zion.
 A man can can get So rich that he doesn't bother about keeping up appearances. But it is different with woman.
 Once in while a man hates another man and doesn't know why he hates nm, The man he hates has never spoken to him. never harmed him and doesn't even know him, yet he gets mad every time he looks at the man he hates. Haven't you felt that way about some one and didn't know why you hated him?
 Funny how cheerfully a man will get up a a. m. to go fishing when he won't get up at~6 a. m. to go to work
 What has become of the O. f. father who told the children that the whipping. he gave them hurt him more than it did them?
 An indignant Corn Fed protests that mems bathing suits are more immodest than women's calm yourself dearie, calm yourself! Remember that the more that is seen of a man the less there is to admire in him.
 And a woman has no trouble Keeping secret that reflects on herself in any way
 If our faults showed on the surface in the form of pimples most of us would look like we had the measles
 Father will loaf around all day Sun day and eat up verything in the house Then he'll get mad because the children want slice of bread and butter be- tween meals and he'll tell Mother that there is no sense in letting the kids make hogs of themselves
 A modest man has his troubles these days. If he picks up magazine he finds 26 pages of girls trying on stock #ngs, corsets and underwear; and if he looks out of the window he gets a trans- parent view of them wearing what iaey were trying on in the magazines.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Freight Fly Air

"All you have to do to get an ln- sight on the possibilities of the de- velopment that lives before aviation is to notice some of the things thar have been accomplished already" said John Powell. There are few people now who doubt that aeroplanes will revolutionize travelling, especially where speed is necessary. But there are few who have seriously considered what the use of the air may mean Tn revolutionizing the carrying of freight
 With such giant dirigibles as the British R-34 freight can be carried safely, speedily and directly, regard
 less of roads or season, and in stu pendous quantities. The big bags are puncture proof and the gas is non- inflammable. It all goes to show that in the air lies great promise of de velopment and industry and it is not to be long in coming"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Labor Pays Itself
 For Increased Cost.

THE best minds in the nation are
 A wrestling with the problem of determining why commodities are so much higher and how there can be a readjustment to normal living condi- tions.
 Everyone knows and recognizes that much of the increased cost of living is due to the high wages being enjoyed by labor which naturally increases the cost of production. But one factor which is apt to be lost sight of is that though the laboring man pays a higher price for suit of clothes, for instance, the great percentage of the increase goes back to his co-workers among the laboring men who produced the suit of clothes.
 In yesterdays Age Herald was a statement which might have made it
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
THE NEW. AUToCRACY.

toler had a dream one night,
 A strange, prophetic vision; He saw a host of kings in flight
 Pursued in loud derision. About their heads the\missiles flew, Some fell and some kept flying; mob it's numbers far from few, Upon their traces crying. Tn vain those monarchs summoned aid, No courtiers rallied round them, When glancing back and sore afraid, They saw their subjects hound them. With shouts of glee, from thralldom free, multitude rejoicing, Held on the chase relentlessly,
 Their dreadful vengeance voicing, Until the kings threw down their crowns, Cast off their purple raiment, For millions slain and ravished towns They gladly promised payment, The world has witnessed just such things In realms across the ocean, But bolsheyiks are worse than kings, According to our notion.
 CLOSE -MOUTHED.
 ''Take the case of our multimillion- aires"
 'rwel1?''
 ''They'll ten anybody how they made their first dollar, but the American gov ernment, backed by huge congress sional appropriation, doesn't seem able to make them tell where they got their last million"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Too Many Lawmakers

By reducing the number of state legislators and increasing the salaries of each member this state could have better law-making body than it now has" said Commissioner Henry Page Burruss. There are about 25 senators and 1o6 members of the house in the present body, and there is no real need for that many men. If we had fewer men and paid them better for the time and trouble and attached more honor to the position of state legislator it undoubtedly would be an improve ment. Especially the membership of the house should be cut down"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

Alabama of so queer a character; and verbiage so odd. that they have been difficult of construction, now, would write the laws of nation, but no one seems desirous of giving him another whack at legal writing
 Jim weatherly supercedes him down at Montgomery; and he is left only to amuse himself by suing The Age-Her- aid for more than a million dollars for cartoons printed about another candidate for political office. And to do it he goes into a county in which neither the defendant nor the plaintiff lives.
 ~Perhaps the most ridculously hum orous cartoon ever printed in the col umns of The Age-Herald was on this candidate when he appeared in the Conner political show.
 If Breck and the aforementioned writer of laws become actual candi-  dates against Underwood, Breck can have real fun by an exhibition on the stump of few of Blackman's car toons of his serious minded opponent
 # # #
 While Blackman is far away in for eign lands on years vacation, Harper the brilliant cartoonist of the Age Herald today, is anticipating lots of fun when Breck starts out leading his goat through the state in his campaign for the Senate.
 Breck is lopking forward to full degree of fun and he will, doubtless, have it.
 o
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

5M RICK MUSGROVE is really lG0 humorist, and is entitled tc
 some sort of job where he will have full opportunity to shine.
 There is sinecure in the Chamber of the United States Senate which bears the title of Assistant-Serg Sergeant-at-Arms The duties are to sit under the mace and care for the silver snuff box which is to be passed to Senators when called for
 In the days of Allen G. Thurman and Edmunds of Vermont, and Ingalls, and Voorhees,, this snuff box was often used. It was then in the care of venerable, white whiskered gentleman of great dignity and much quiet humor When passing the snuff box he would stop long enough with the Senator request ing it to tell him a good new story, which always brought forth laugh In consequence many Senators not addict ed to the use of snuff, called for it for the purpose of hearing the story ac- companying it's presentation
 This good old job remains. The snuff box Is still there, but rests in silence with the present day Senator It's keeper perhaps performs other duties. This job would be most excellent for Breek Musgrove. He is full of wit and humor and has a quaint idea of the enjoyment of life
 # x #
 For instance, Breck now claims that he is a. candidate for the United States Senate to succeed the strongest man in that hody-Oscar w. Underwood
 # * x
 Breck was in Tuscaloosa last week
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Not Profiteering

'The retail clothiers of Birmingham are business men" said Leo Loeb of Loveman. Joseph & Loeb yesterday. and they are just as anxious to keep the price of clothing down as the con- sumer himself. We are not profiteer- ing. but are doing our best to give the people goods at the lowest pos sible cost.o The high cost of labor is said by the manufacturers from which we buy our clothing to be the reason for the present high prices of our commodities. Our prices, of course are governed by the cost of commoa- ities to us"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
l,e.)s3,oea

her guests'' remarked the society ed itor.
 ''Um,'' replied the managing editor Be very careful to spell that woman's name correctly. If you get it wrong she'll give you Hail Columbia over the telephone tomorrow"
 TICKIISH PROCEEDING. "Are there any old-fashioned south ern gentlemen about here?"
 "A few. Only the other day I saw one make gallant attempt to hold his hat through revolving door with the other" TRIPLE IN THE OLD DAYS. "one dollar for a drink of grape juice. sam?" said the patron of fashionable restaurant to his favorite waiter That's correct, sir. And the cover charge will be one dollar"
 "Phew, I thought prohibition would help me to save money.
 That's for you to judge, sir.~ But if I may say so, sir, many's the time you've handed me a dollar just for serving the second cocktail little bit faster than served the first one"
 PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Much Married Man
 "Merciful" to Women.

NIN ITH a record of having mar
 w ried eight wives, in the past nineteen years, seven of them still living, Charles H. Wilson is now com fortably installed in Sing Sing, where he will serve three years and six months for bigamy. He states that he will do reform work among the prisoners.
 When Wilson, five feet and four inches in his socks, thin, kind-hearted and trifle bald, plead guilty in a New York court the judge took more than judicial interest in his ease. He wanted to know how one man con- trived to ensnare eight woman. Will son explained that they were trust ful, Christian, economical women. They came to me in distress and was merciful to them"
 Naturally the high cost of living occurred to the judge and he wanted to know how Wilson supported his seven wives. Four of them were widows who had money and the others were not supported at the same time Drawing on his fund of information  gathered as religious worker, travel ing salesman, Bible student and physi- cal instructor, Wilson had no diff culty, apparently, in adding to his collector of wives from time to time. Most of them were met in church.
 The late lamented Nat Goodwin possessed fame and personal magnet ism and for large part of his life was wealthy. His choice assortment of American beauties plucked from the stage could be accounted for with out going deeply into feminine psychology. Wilson's matrimonial  record seems to have been due chiefly to his sympathetic heart, his rowing habits and the religious atmosphere in which he moved, doubtless fortified by persuasive tongue. The rogue who poses as an earnest church work CT flatters himself that the way of the transgressor, contrary to all pre- cepts, is remarkably smooth. Later, of course, he discovers his mistake, but for awhile he enjoys opportunities denied the less sanctimouious citi.en who occasionally drinks a highball and is known to play golf on Sunday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

publish once a month Port of Man chester page, containing much valuable and carefully compiled informa ton which will be mailed to chambers of commerce, clubs and hotels in American cities, in- cluding Birmingham. The Dispatch de- sires to give wider publicity to Manches- ter as factor in world commerce. Its commendable enterprise will no doubt strengthen the cordial relations now ex- isting between British and Ams-ican business men, in addition to advertis- ing the port of Manchester < k * Revenue officials in Kentucky estimate that more than s2oo, 100000 worth of whisky now in barrels will disappear in 16 years from evaporat tion and leakage Superinduced evaporation" and leak age'' have caused large quantities of con- | fiscated liquor to disappear in dry a,om- munities.
  Although The Age-Herald's Washing !, ton correspondent declared "Woodrow | Wilson" to be a pacihst cock, he is said to have picked a fight with another roos- ter at Demopolis. That bird has noth- ing in common with the dove of peace # # < l Even after traveller arrives safely in Birmingham on government operated railroad he is apt to fall in hole in the street when he issues from the Ter mnal station. It is easy to understand why land lord raises the rent of a house to oust an undesirable" tenant, when more desirable tenant is willing to pay the increase
 It IS sad to think that the Sunday news papers may never again publish story of millionaire's son drinking cham pagne out of stage beauty's slipper.
 i. x *
 It appears that John Burroughs and Thomas A. Edison went camping in the Adirondacks with Henry Ford without even waiting to hear the jury's verdict.
 x # #
 It may be bitter disappointment to some people, but the state legislature will never be able to put Birmingham back where it was 90 years ago
 x. T # In stopping the flow of munitions to Mexico, Uncle Sam may rest assured that the Mexicans are not pugnacious enough to fight with their fists.
 ;. *: x
 The returns are not all in yet, but the late Andrew Carnegie did not die a noor man, as the term is commonly under stood.
 It is now the Wilson Dam" at Muscle Shoals. The reverse English is heard quite often these days in Washington Let us hope that soon after the peace treaty is ratified the hectic war story will disappear from the magazines.
 # *. I.
 The man who rolls his own frequent ly has his elbow joggled by the man who mixes his own.
 *: * <
 bigamist sent to Sing Sing says ne will do uplift work in prison. Pardon our rioald laughter.
 # *. #
 When actors become producers who is going to decide on the spotlight priv ileges?
 * x #
 If there is anything a profteering land lord hates it's the pitiless light of pub licity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
Vote Straight Ticket

T fully believe that the people of Birmingham and I feel sure that the straight ticket Monday for the pro- posed bond issues," said c. P. Parcelle of the American City Bureaus. who has been in charge of the auditorium campaign for the Chamber of Com merco and left for New York yester- day.
 You have lot of fine people in Birmingha mand I feel sure that the bond issues will go through without a hitch"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
THE "DRAMMER, IN HOUSTON
From the HoustoA Post.

From the Houston, Post.
 George M. Conan says he will run an elevator before he will give in to the actors. Houston is utterly unconcerne,s being a town of 165, 900 population with no theatre in which the Legitimate drama can be produced. Houston stands strictly for town hall theatrical standards when it comes to the legi- timate. and if some stock company wants to come here and ply East Lynn" or ''Ten Nights in Bar Room" we can rig up a vacant store for it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
A TEMPORARY CHOICE

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Residents of Willard street, San Francisco. want the name changed to Dempsey avenue But how long do they expect Dempsey to remain un- licked?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

talking with men, women and children who had put in many weary hours under hard weather conditions to pro- duce them, and then had to undergo
 such inconvenience to get them to town, not to mention the harrassment or being compelled to retail them out, l came to the conclusion that they de- served all they got from we city people
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
cHANGEABLE CREATURES.

CHANGEABLE CREATURES.
 "Do you prefer blonde or brunette stenographers?"
 T have no preference" replied MT. Dubwaite, just so they stay put "
 T don't quite understand .'
 Well, I've observed that stenographers who frequently change from blonde to brunette, or vice versa, are apt to show the same indecision in spelling and punctuation"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
TWENTY YEARS AGO
 IN THE AGE-HERALD
Events recorded August IT. 1898

It is likely that there will be a va departure of Alderman George B. Ward to Sheffield, where he will be cashier of the newly organized Alabama Trust & Banking company, of which G. B. Mccormick is president and J. J. Gray, Jr, vice-president. Nat Baxter. Jr. A. M. Shook. Walker Percy, ErslSine Ram say. G. B. Mccormack, H. L. Bedham and J. J. Graw. IT., are directors.
 The citizens of Little Rock. Ark, are infuriated by five assaults committed on white women by negroes within 24 hours. Four negroes have been ar rested and mob violence is feared in the Arkasas capital
 The newspaper men of Birmingham will meet Monday afternoon in the Commercial club rooms to organize a press club. As there is now more than 90 men actively engaged in newspaper work in Birmingham, it is hoped to form a strong organization smiths park, beautiful 40- acre plot, located at the extreme western limits or the city, was yesterday chosen as the site of the Alabama State Fair. A. E. Caffee was elected president of the association. P. G. Bowman, vice-presi- dent and J. A. Rountree secretary. An event in Birmingham society last night was the marriage of Miss Penney Marr Taliaferro to pr. Chiles Clifton Ferrel professor of modern languages at the University of Mississippi.
 
 SEAGULLS,
 By KADRA MAYSI. There is sailor legend
 Men tell by the waning moon, (And l heard them laugh as they told
 it
 Tonight in the deck saloon:) That whenever dies sailor
 On the deep sea or ashore, Ihere comes to the birds of ocean One gray seagul the more What eye has found their nesting, By beach of cliff or bar? What heart has guessed their uuesting. 'Twixt sand and sea and star? And men who know the wonder
 Of boundless blue and breeze. Would they hold with the walls ot
 heaven
 Or the shade of earthly trees? So I know that the sailor legend
 Is true. and there comes again. When the gray guIls slant to ssa-
 -~ard
 s,Sn -a;1-~ -,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
A JUST GRIEVANCE.

"why are you so preiudiced against Bertie?"
 He was stacker during the war" said the discharged doughboy
 Its true that he didn't go to France but he claims he kept the home fires burning"
 ''So he did, the lounge lizard He kept 'em burning under a chafing dish pre- sided over by the girl left behind me-"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lords grant me to be true to the trust Thou hast committed to me. Grant me to live this one life faithfully. May I give the sOUl in me it's chance
 to grow, to say itself to come into it's own. Wash me of my lies and of my fear. that when I meet with Thee in the cool of the evening, I may be glad. In His name. Amen.--H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17
KNOWS THE TYPE

KNOWS THE TYPE.
 "The fashionable dame who was in my office just now said she didn't eare particularly about having her name in the paper. but. she wanted her dinner party described in detail, just to please
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

Remittanees can be made at current rate of exchange. The Ag- Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address
 THE AGE-HERALD,
 Birming gham, Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

M RICK MUsGRovE is really g l0 humorist, and is entitled to
 some sort of job where he
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-08-17

No communication will be published without its authors name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are inelosed for that purpose