The Denver Jewish news., 1919-11-05
WAYS THE SCHOOLBOY
INTERPRETS ENGLISH

q
examination question. wrote Tile
rress is the moutfrorgan Of the peo
ple," he might not have said what he
meant or known exactly what lie did
mean. but he furnished good text
for an article OH modern journalism
However. let us. to begin with. look
over the papers of the class in general
history. We learn from SO doing:
.Romulus obtained the first citizens OF
Rome by opening a lunatic asylum
"Pompeii was destroyed by an crup-
tion from the Vatican" There were
no Christians among the carly Gauls,
they were mostly lawyers" In myth
ology we have the following: The
Gorgons were three sisters that looked
like women, only more horrible
The class in English history fur
nishes some interesting material: My
favorite character in English history
was Henry VIII. He had six wives
and killed them all Edward the
Third would have been king of France
| il his mother had been a man" Henry
the First's son William was drowned
in the White Ship and never smiled
again." .sThe Black Death was ter
rible for the laborers. because they
were forced to do all the work left by
the thousands that died"
| We derive various bits of biography ::
Benjamin Franklin produced electric
ity by rubbing cats backward" An
drew Jackson was called Old Hickory
! because when he was Il boy he was
little tough" "George Washington
married Mary Curtis and in due time
became the father of his country
.Lincoln had a woman make him n
] suit of homespun from rails wlch he
had split. They Were hickory rails.
hence hickory shirts ''Sllakc spcare
founded AS You Like It on Il book
previously written by Sir Oliver
Lodge" '.Tennyson wrote In Memo
randum.'"
| Geography to schoolboys is 'josga-
| fry" indeed: Panama is town of
1OluulDO, WueTc iiNa Hie ts''S
make an isthmus." The prncipa!
product of Kent are Archbishcps of
Canterbury" Mathematical prodigies
| are by no means absent. Aigel raical
symbols are used when you don't know
what you are talking about" "farnl-
lei lines are the same distance all the
way and can not meet unless you bend
them" "A circle Is round $, raish
line with hole in the middle"
Science natural and unnatural. out
does all mysteries and miracles:
Horsepower is the distance one horse
can carry a pound of water IN an
hour" "Gravitation is that which II
there were none we should all fly
away" "TO kill Il butterfly You pinch
its borax." "The Zodiac is thr Zoo
OF the sky, wherein lions. goat ana
other animals go after they are dead.
Diffusion of gasscs is the odor in All
icebox." mountains are padn OF
shoes, tin cans and old rocks" 'liev-
crages are diseases that catch" The
climate is caused by hot and cold
W eather' Our human bodies are fear
fully and wondcrfuliy made. the
class is physiology fully appreciates;
The Eustachian tube is. so you can
hear yourself talk Tho ESQ., 'iagns
is thing that puts us to sleep. by
eating slowly food is digcsted lrf"re
it is swallowed and thus enrlch''s the
blood, which goes down one le'; and
up the other"
If it be supposed that difficulties
with the English language are n con-
tributing factor in the making OF
school-boy howlcrs, the following proof
of grammatical and rhetorical and ut
erary crudition will remove all doubt;
IAN abstract noun is something you
can't see when you are looking ut II.
"Etymology is man who catches nut
tcrflies and stuffs them Tile au-
thor of story must frequently IN
sert pleasant description in order 10
pacify the reader" The names ,f five
Shakesperean plays are Macbeth, Quo
vadis. Mikado, SanIroy and tlfr Sign
Of the Cross" shakespeare was
great writer. only he used too many
familiar quotations The closing oi
!, letter is the manner in which you
excuse yourself
"Definitions of this and that; ~
deacon is the lowest kind of Chris
tian.' THE Pharisees were people
who liked to show off their goodness
by praying in synonyms. Ah ibeN
is where you look in tho back part of
the book when you want to find any
thing that is printed in the front par
OF the hook" "a man who looks on
/ t..:-... .;,la ,f tbiups is c,ll1nl an