The Bridgeport times and evening farmer., 1919-11-14
KAISER SHOULD HAVE
 ENGAGED PAT MORAN

The tGtchburg, Mass, Sentinel, printed in the home town of Pat Mo- ran of Cincinnati, published the fol- lowing:
 Ach, yess, Fitchburg. Massachooset [. s. A. ", dots der place were lives Pat Moran, no?"
 William Hohenzollern, former king of Prussia and German emperor. i Kaiser Bill'' to everyone for the last five years. raised his abbreviated arm and twisted the tip of his imperial moustache.
 Sure" he continued, T knew dot knew about dot place. Ach, yess, read it in der papers about Pat Moran und der Znzinnati Reds. We got Reds in Chermany, too, but dey couldn't play baseball. Dose Reds in der Vateriand iss BoIsheviks und der only kind of ball voe dey know about iss big iron ones mitt a fuse on
 em.
 Tn der baseball like you play in America, der fel1er swats der ball und runs und if he iss lucky he touches der first base. But der Bol- sheviks play it different. Der Rolshe- vik feller don't dare to hit der ball because der ball iss full of T, N. T. He takes der ball und puts 1t under utI IIOuSS OL NAS1 SOFSl llIllSIAI SNiiA
 den he runs Dots der only thing he
 does like der baseball feIler. Der Bolshevik don't touch any first base. He don't stop to touch noting, not even der sidewalk, he runs so fast. But dot Pat Moran, he's a fine feIler. I made der mistake of my life ven I put Hindenburg in charge of my army instead of Pat Moran. Him dy vos a goot feIler, but he vust a | e-9 punk as der Clown Prince. Der Clown Prince lost all der battles he fought; 1 so did Hindy, only Hindy lost der war, too. An error I made ven I let ; dose two birds run der imbeerial ar
 my. While I was pinning der Iron ] Cross on Hindy und Ludendorff un- der der Clown Prince, Pershing and Edwards und der Yankee Division ] vos starting a marathon to Berlin. l If Ir5 only had dot Moran feller ! here instead of der bonehead chen erals dot I picked. Ztnzinnati would have von der war. Dot iss to say, Zinzinnati und West Fitchburg would have von der war
 l Well, we all make mista kes. Look l at der Kid Gleason. Der Kid und der
 Kaiser vas a good Geal alike. Der ] Kaiser picked TTindy to make a kill
 ling in der world series. Und ve both
 lost.
 ] ''I betcha Pat Moran wouldn't have trained der Cherman soldiers to
 march init der goose step nor play
 follow der leader. Ven der Cherman
 soldiers lost der conmanlie CT, der only
 ting dey knew how to do vos to hol-
 Ter 'kamarad' Ven der beer vos gone
 from der trenches out, der Cherman
 soldier wouldn't fight But ven der
 beer vent from Zinzinnati out, der
 Rods fought all der harder. If Par
 Moran had trained der Tmbeerial ar
 my, efery Cherman soldier would have done at Chateau-Thierry und der Argonne like Hod Filler did at | Chicago. Und den der Kaiser would : nit have been living on S4.9S a week at Anerong gen. Der Kaiser could hav'
 eaten his Xmas dinner in Paris last
 year und Fitchburg wouldn't have to
 spans5 der $S000 on der ArmIstice Da1 parade.
 ,.But neffer mind. Der Kaiser iss
 glad hi iss out Of Berlin where de,
 Reds iss crazy Some day der Reds und der Soviets will start a new var
 und kill each odder off und der Kal
 ser can go back to der Imbeerial cas-
 tie und pick der sauer kraut und res
 in peace under den Linden"