The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-08-18
subject was too ridiculous to beguile an
hour away.
Porter Particular About Rules

Porter was not supposed to visit the
postofflce while he was on duty at the
hospital. As he never violated any OF
the prison rules, he always made 1t a
point to come on business, Billy Raid
Ter was a semi-invalid, and offered an
unfailing excuse. Billy's amber hair
was falling out, He bounded Porter to
bring him a remedy.
Look here, Bill,'' the ex-train rob-
Der would say, 'lf you could get the
arsenic out Of that rock-ribbed old
Coffin why, cant you rouse the hair on
my scalp2"
Warden Coffin, by some mistake,
had been given an overdose OF arsenic.
Antidotes failed, Porter was called in.
He saved the life of Coffin. This incl
dent happened before my arrival at
the pen" but Raider never gave
Porter any peace about 1t, Porter al
ways maintained that the warden was
dying of fright, not of the arsenic. He
said his antidote was simplicity.
simplicity or duplloity," Raider
countered, "you interfered with the
ways OF Divine Providence, Bill, when
you saved Coffin's life. Now come
through and give the archduke n help
ing hand. Put u little fertilizer on this
u~nirrigated thatch of mine"
Hair Restorer Made in Prison
SO Porter came over one day, looking
very important and complacent, one
short, fat hand was stuck In his vest
and in the other he carried a glove
| Porter was an unmitigated dandy, even
in the prison. He liked rich. well fit
ting clothes. He abhorred noisy styles
or colors. | never saw him when he
was not well groomed and neat in APP
pearance.
"Adonis Raider" Porter ceremon-
iously laid the glove on the desk and
1.A,. fn-tH IN hthllu ndnrnaiu nunEnn "a
behold the peerless hair regenerator
compounder after t~ireless. scientific re-
search by one unredeemed Bill Porter"
Raider grabbed the bottle n pulled
Off the cork, The heavy pungence OF
wintergreen filled the office.
| esthetic soul, Billy he said. ELUSIVE
fragrance might not reach that olfac-
tory nerve Of yours"
Billy doused some Of the liquid on
| his head and began to rub II victously
In. He had the most chlld-like faith In
Portor's genius as a chemist. Every
| night after that | went to sleep fairly
drugged by the cloud OF wintergreen
| under which Billy submerged himself.
Porter Proposes Musical Tour.
Every morning he would bring over
the comb to show me that fewer hairs
come out h the day before. what
| ever DIZZY hhHlfu liA a AVlr '''N VI
us could understand. The hair restorer
was nothing but bay rum outraged by
an overdose Of wintergreen fragrance.
Either Porter's patent, Billy's massag-
Ing or his faith stopped the emigration
Of his hair.
Nov that your locks, thanks to my
scientific skill. promise to grow as long
as a musician'S," Porter boosted, why
not get a fife and learn to play it2
The colonel here Will teach you. And
then the three of us will set forth from
this fortress Of mighty stone and like
t~roubadours OF old we will go amin
streling from village to vlllagel'
Porter had a guitar and he picked It
with graceful touch. I played the tuba.
II Billy could only play the fife, what
a Joyous troupe we would make!
l. The idea tickled Porter. He was
.ealy In earnest about It. / think his
ideal existence was just such a free
va~gabondage, Many and many a time
in the postoffice he had brought up the
subject.
Serenade Proposed.
will YOU get that fife?" he said one
night. II have a plan. We will 20 over
and serenade Miles Ogle. II he likes
J the tufted tinkle of our me low mad
ness, why forth let us stride to WOO
the belle demolselles OF all Beauty
DOM"
! Miles ogle was he greatest counter