Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1919-04-21
SAD, DISTURBING THOUGHTS
FOLLOW
CHAPTER LXXN

| sat for an hour moving, stunned by
what Mr.. Frederick had told me. | wen;
over Ii conversation, every word Scent
ed fairly burned into my memory SC
fearfully had they hurt me. That Neil,
my Neil, the father of my boy should
be dishonest; should knowingly cheat
and deceive people was almost unDear
able. Yet once more was / filled with
distrust, once more had veerod entirely
arOund in my thoughts.
/ had been so sure that IN ms last
analysis Neil would prove himself all
/ thought him; that in this talk with
Mr.. Frederick | should learn that all
my fears, all my forebodings had been
useless, that the cruel gossip . aad heard
had been nothing but gossip, and with
out foundation, that the reaction was
terrible.
"Can | ever believe in him againl
Can / ever be happyi' l sara uioud
as | got up and weakly, like an old
woman climbed the soft carpeted stairs
to my room, the room which / HAD so
delighted in, and which now / iOUKed
at almost with loathing as | recalled
what Mr.. Frederick had said. People
were blaming Neil Tor living as we did
perhaps they were also blumisg me.
Maybe they thought l wan,cu n,m 10
be- dishonest so | could have a handsome
home, cars, and an the hlxurics we en-
Iioyed. The thought was torture.
/ deliberately made a rounu "a inc
house. Even into the kitchen did l
go, imprcssiug upon myself the luxury
with which / was surrounded. Could
liz be truo that Neil was really taxing
money from widows ana orpnuns to
buy an thisi l tried to rcfute it in
my mind; tried to say no, he hadn't
done sol Everything we had had been
honestly earned, but | couldn't. In
the light Of what Mr. FredoueA mad
told me, | eouldn Z.
l know he would not willingly hurt
me. that while he was blunt he was
also kind. He had probably softened
much; things perhaps were worse than
he had told me. No wonder he as well
la, ..44a... .44.u 10 sa,e ntC ZION the
modification which would have been
mine had | adhered to my plan to en-
ter society. No wonder nc had advised
me to wait until he had "a look in.
/ wondered if he had seen Mr.. Powers
he had said that he might. Why didn {
In think to ask him. | wouldn't tSil
10 do SO next time he came. He, every
one. had a great respect for the big-
banker, and his opinion.
/ started TO order the ear, then halt
ed. The cars, too, were they not
bouqht with other peoples money! Was
not Neil criticised for having tnciu al
eoP No. not until / knew moro or what
wal true, and what false would l use
the ears. l would walk.
II nav have been a moruio s,feas
i'm mo that made me choose the Oldest
n%lainest dress in my wardrobe. ihen
N took little Robert in his go-cart and
walked for an hour. When | came back
In feh better physically; but my mon
tai distress had been increased,
/ had met Lorraine Morton. she
turned and walked with me, LOOKING IN
surprise at my costume.
"wherc oh where is the stylish Mrs.
Forbes gone. oh. where oh, where has
she roucl" she sang out az me.
"Lorrsinc win you answer me a quvs'
ton. and answer Il truthfullyi l ask
ed without preamble.
eff | answer It az all I Will scii the
TRUTH she bantercd. ! was sure she
she had no idea Of what l vas going 10
soy.
care people talking Of "a rs,nva-
pauce. our new house. ears and all the
other things when they speak OF usf''
II couldn I sav Neil's name. Il stuck
In my throat.
"why-Barbara-" Then. eyes,