South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-02-16

.|S@
we know Of He doesn't even chew
tobacco. which is somewhat strange
for a Presbyterian of his standing.
He is single, and seemingly imper-
vious to the wiles of the fair sex.
But you can never tell what is likely
to happen. We feel deeply indebted
TO the subject of this sketch because
he gave us an opportunity TO hear
the grandest lecture we ever listened
to. We had thought of packing up
and getting out of town. but since
listening to DR.. Conwell we have
concluded that we have as good a
chance TO become a millionaire here
as elsewhere.
Let every city's plan for a sol
diers memorial have time TO shape
itself The money will be a long
time forthcoming.
A Toledo physician says hobble
skirts are a strain on the nerves.
We have found the short ones TO be
very helpful to tired and timewora
eyes.
Now some of the smart Alecs are
saying that the money spent for
booze will go for candy and ice
cream. Nonsense. Any wife will tell
you that much of the money her
husband formerly spent for wet
goods now goes to dry goods.
1t isn't the fading Of the mince
pie that distresses us, but the eternal
farewell of the real mince pie of
which the 18th amendment will
soon deprive all of us law-abiding
people.
The "no beer no work strike
which the building trades are
threatening in New Jrsey surprises
us. Our theory was that it was the
nonworker that had to have suds,
else he would have TO go to work.
1t is a fine thing TO praise. pet,
pamper and jolly the returning sol
der boys, but don't you think for
moment that ne is going to like that
thing regularly. He wants a job,
and il may be he mas a wife and
baby TO support. We have such
cases in Mishawaka.
The Mishawaka policeman who
took an overdose of booze while on
an investigation tour drank up all
the evidence he had been successful
in finding.
Butter may drop until some of
these days it may be substituted for
axle grease on the hot popcorn.
God made the rivers" says Rich
ard Elbel. Yes, God made man. too
but the devil gets into both rivers
and men occasionally.
A 2O-year-old girl in New York
married a septuagenarian and now
she SAYS her happiness is wrecked.
There is no such thing as happiness
for a young fool who marries an
old fool. The Mays and Junes of
womanhood should keep away from
the cold and clammy old Decembers
of masculinity.
Father and Son Week" was OBJ
served in South Bend. o glorious
memories of the woodshed and the
single! O glorious days when kid
could get his hide loosened and his
arteriaI circulation stimulated. When
a boy learned the rules OF life at
mothers and across fathers knee!
nambypamby sentimentalism and
the philosophy Of anaemia have
robbed modern bOyhood of the
things that made for bottom.
Personally. having cooled since the
armistice was signed, we do not be-
lieve Gen. Pershing ever said at La
fayette's tomb, Lafayette. we are
here"
II you are 10 judge by the price
Of bakery pie. the war is on at full
blast and the -four ration is about
10 be reduced 10 an ounce a week.
A worldwide league OF piebiters
ought to be organized.
Smoke Dream Busted.
Mayor Ralph Gaylor, il would
seem. is not going 10 be able 10 in
crease his own salary by $500 an
.,r. A. Ianc+ that * what his