The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-04-07
4 jon fer n uen.

bird in the Office o, The Automa q.
Wart Works was whistling. d few
bars from Seven Men SAT- on the Dead
Mans Chest. 20 no. and a bottle OF
Revo." The cruel war vas cured on
both sides. Til boss vas agaiu back
Or eieh trstass..t AaslG.a> a sxnJhntio.
wart that couldn't be detected from
the genuine.
Outside Of the office, a long queue
OF two-eared citi2e ms stretched Stylish
IS dow the corridor. They were all
heroes of the ex-kaiser's Paris dinner
trip. They were clogging the corridor
In to an ad FOR a model for
she automatic ccllapsible wart. which
was a com inatien wart, collar but
ton and hat rack. All of the applt-
Giants bore themselves with thai erect
military bearing that o. have dis
tinguished them in a crowd of or
phans or a mob Of
The boss was a returned hero him
SELF and was determined that his wart
model n demonstration would be
none but another hero. (. o. b. Europe.
He had been a mounted X. r. In the
first line trenches and had thrice
beent cited for cooking omelets with
out eggs. He had never risen from
the only things. hat couldn't be won
with a set Of t~opheavy@ bones.
Girst Guy Stands Lie a Broken Lug.
The first applicant knocked knuok-
lishly on the doorpicce and the. boss
recognized his former top sarge The
sarge flushed like the sunlight strik-
ing a platter Of thin army tomato
soup. He saw that he was in like a
burglar. Tho boss was a former boot.
that he had squads easted and squads
vested, until his tongue hung out so
! far that Jha hla .hfrdS Jtspd n fnr a
roost.
"Well?" chirped the boss coming
to attention with both brogans on the
desk.
Il would like the Job you advertis-
ed in this mornings paper"
Sir" buzzel tbs boss.
Il would like the job you adver-
tised. sir"
You can have a job. but not that
and cakes. All you do is to squads
right n squads wrong around this
office and to sir me to death. Get
me?"
Yes"
Yes. what"
Yes. sir"
The next cuckoo was the former
boots lieutenant. who opened h
door very fundamentally and popped
right in. The boss saluted aim with
the regulation CD. civilians salute,
right thumb along the seam Of the
nose and fingers extended. but not
joined.
Go out and come in right the
boss howled in a tone like half a
hornets nest. Don't o know how
to pop into an orderly room?". III
The ~lootleft faster han a mush-
room arrives. This time he knocked.
he boss inned him and outed him
until he was dizzier than a loot gener-
ally is.
What do you WANT" sarawked
the boss. arching his eyebrows and
looking through his. former loot, which
was a tough job as loots are pretty
thick.
'I would like that position as war,
model"
"Wart model WHAT"
"Wart modeE sir"
You can have a job, out not that
one. You. start IN as hunion. model
| aEd work your way up"
Thank YOU
Thank o -whatr"-
Thank you sir"
The next FISH to grab the hook,
sinker and all, was the boots ex-cap-
tain. die was the sapp who had re-
fused the boss a furlough when the
bcss's grandmother was celebrating
the brass anniversary OF her golden
wedding ring. When dealing out the
army underwear, he had dealt out the
boss three pairs Of sox with nothing
missing except the feet; an oversize.
no-fim cut campaign hat that made
him look Hike a haif-chewed ice cream
zone with ears. and two pairs Of No.
90 trousers.
The boss size was forty and the
cap had told him to add them up.
$50 you want a job as wart model"
said the boss, giving h cap the YER
teal and horizonta, ono rel Have
YOU had n experience outside OF
the army"
"Oh, yes"
"Oh. yes. what"
"Oh yes. sir"
You're the lobb who staked me
TO a pair OF boots that were eight
sizes too numerous, amt you? When
I moaned, you tod me I could retreat
six or seven sizes withou. deserving
my post. You hired some cornfed
cornet-tooter to snore into a bugle at
SIS. so he could wake us all up
you?'
Yes"
Yes, what"
Eyes, sir" -
That's better. The job is yours.
Read those four Yards OF office rcSu-
l~ations. Celluloid collars must be
shined In the rear. Any violation OF
the office rules will result IN twenty
years at Fort Jitneysoworth. Every
time I sneeze jump to attention and
salute the canary bird. have nay
fever, but the canary bird doesn't
know it. Who. are those other sapps
outside in the line ?"
"A lot OF generals, and colonies, sir.
All from your old c~antonment."
We'll, tell ON 10 march away in
squad formation. 2 We don't need
those kind OF models. The doorknob
factory is our barracks down the
street" !
New York, April 3.-lFrom what
we can dope out. Elihu Root is for
beer and the league Of nations in the
order named. : !