The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1919-10-21
Faculty
Discusses Matters
Of Importance

Hillbilly Setback College, came up
town Saturday afternoon as soon as
he had "swallowed a bite", and or
dered the Sergeant-at-Arms of his
institution to summon all members of
the faculty to a meeting, stating that
/ he had a matter of business to at
tend to, and. he wished to make a
short story Of it" 49, -,
! In a little while the clan was gath
ering. AS they shufled up the rear
stairway of the Court House, had you
not known to the contrary, you might
have thought that it was crowd
hurrying to dinner in New York at
about the time Martin Chuzzlewitt
first visited that metropolis. ' Col.
Dick Sondley was the last to arrive,
and Col. M. E. Hollingsworth, who
was to have been initiated did not get
there at all being detained in taking
a DOVER"
When everybody was seated Presi-
dent Roche got up to call the meeting
to order, but Col. Bob Hunter OBJ
jected. He said that he had read all
the minutes of the meetings held in
the past, and he had been unable to
find where it was recorded" that
Col. Roche had ever been elected as
president, and that he had read
Grier's:Almanac> for the present year,
and had not noticed any passage in
it. saying that an 1rishman could
preside at meeting on rainy day.
Col. Roche said that he was in the
chair and would preside; that he did
not care whether he had been elected
or not, the chair fit him, and he
was like a negro who once came to
consult Col, Tom Cothran,. now Of
Greenvile, but once a modest lawyer
of Abbeville. The negro stated that
he. was working with some man, and
that his landlord had taken the first
bale of cotton, then the second, then
the third, and that "now he has ta-
ken general curiosity Of the whole
farm" The Colonel said that "Gener-
al Curiosity" was his middle name,
and that Col. Bob Hunter, who should
be ashamed to show his face at set
back faculty meeting after having
been beaten by Corpulent Kerr, of
Greenvile- Street, and would do we'll
to take his seat and be quiet, else he
would make a short story also of
that controversy.
The Colonel said that he had q
matter. to lay before the meeting, ,'but
that he was an Irishman, Of which he
said he was proud, and it was cold
rainy day, he found his throat suf-
fering for some of the "dampture"
which makes the words flow like milk
and honey, and that he had provided
himself with an orator to lay the
whole matter before the meeting.
Before he introduced the speaker he
announced that Col: Stark, kind of
an illegitimate member Of the Col
Ilege, might retire as there would be
some personal remarks, not about his
wearing apparel, but having refer
ience to the wherewithal to fill the
inner man, and that if Corpulent
Kerr appeared at the door, as he
heard he expected to do to try to
enter as a student, that he be "col.
Ilared," given drink of water, and
brought before the Majesty of the
Law, which he said he constituted.
Col. Stark said that he was not
"going nowhere" and would face the
orator. Thereupon Col. Roche, hav-
ing rubbed his right hand over bis
face two or three time, said then
Lets Co." arose, cleared up his
throat, and said: "Fellow members
of the Faculty, as your superior Of
ficer, a matter has been brought to
my attention demanding immediate
attention; l do not find myself sufi-
GENTLY "liquidated" to say all that
should be said, and I have, therefore
called to my assistance my friend
philosopher and guide, Col. Thomas
Thomson, who in his elegant way
with his suave manner, but in nc