The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-11-17
Through the
Widow's Lorgnette
By HELEN ROWLAND
Copyright, 1919. By The Wheeler
Syndicate lnc.)

By HELEN ROWLAND l.
Copyright, 1919, By The Wheeler
Syndicate. lnc.)
VANITY, VANiTY-ALL is VANITY!
That's the fourth mirror I've
caught you looking into, in the last
fifteen minutes" exclaimed the Bache-
lor, accusingly.
The Widow stopped. and continued
into the milliners window, while she
adjusted her beauty veil', with
little tug that brought the embroid
cred butterfly exactly under her left
eye.
Yes" she admitted. smiling frank
ly up at him. Il wish l had little
more vanity"
"MORE-vanity!" the Bachelor al
most dropped his cane, as he turned
to gaze at her in blank Amusement.
Haven't you--havent women got all
the vanity there TSP" he demanded.
The Widow shook her head, until it
cleaned and sparkled in the after
noon sunlight
Not even HALF Of it, she de-
clared regretfully, is she resumed her
place beside him, and they continued
their stroll down the Avenue. IF
women were only half as vain as men,
they would spare themselves so
much effort, and agony. and worry.
and discomfort, and self sacrifice.
Women haven't any real vanity
"Humph:" and the Bachelor gave
his swagger little cane vicious snap
on the pavement. "Of course not.
, their dollars at the beauty shops, and
! half tboir nnUHcrino their
noses"
Yes, and why they totter about in
high-heeled shoes that torture their
toes and threaten them with sudden
death, every few minutes" agreed the
Widow, And why they wear ear puffs
and white and pink false faces, and
! give up sugar and sweets, and starve
themselves in order to take off few
pounds of flesh"
! And why they carry lip-sticks, and
string themselves with beads and ear
rings and gewgaWs, like Hottentot
bellies, and wear snippy Pomerania ms
on their arms, and think up new styles
to startle US with every few days.!
finished the Bachelor. with fine irony
All because they haven't any real
va nity!"
| "Certainly'", asserted the widow
with cheerful fnality. and surrepti
tious glance at the fifth window mirror
"All because they don't think they are
fascinating enough. just as the Lord
made them, to charm a man
"Wh-what. Well. I'll be-" and
the bachelor stopped speeches..
But no man is ever troubled with
any such doubts and qualms about
his fatal fascination" continued the
N-iSou, hoc
would walk the whole length of tho
town, az l am doing, in torment OF
doubt. as to whether his hat was, OF
wasn't becoming. No man ever tortur
ed his soul and prosecuted his flesh
because he happened to be two pounds
or even forty-two pounds-over
weight. 1t never even occurs to a man
that little thing like an elephantine
girth, or a triple chin, or a red nose
could possibly dim the light of his
radiant and eternal charm for women
NO. agreed the Bachelor, scornfu!
ly, and no man ever rushed to the
mirror and patted his hair and moist
ened his lips, and smoothed his eye
brows, at the sight Of girl approach
ing"
NO indeed" rejoined the Widow
sweetly, The Lord made him a MAN
and therefore, it follows that hc
must be quite Irresistible just as is.
If he happens to be acquiring doublt
bay-window and jowls, HE should
Worry. and give up eating potatoes
Not he. Women will love him, fo1
himself alone, Just the same"
'Well,' admitted the Bachelor witt
a shameless grin, they do love US
just the same. don't they? No matter
how grotesque or feeble-mnded mar
may be. he can always get somebod,
to love him
Yes" and the Widow sighed
Faith moves mountains-why no
feminine hearts, II is your beautiful
=, child-like, imperishable faith in your
And because we're so scarce and
so coy" suggested the Bachelor ma
,iciously
And. because you're so VAIN,
=. finished the Widow. with a Triumph II
wave of her silver vanity-case. s.
vain about so many things. that hav
nothing al all 70 do with beauty.
it isn't his mighty intellect. or hi
' brilliant Wit. or his wonderful iudg
ment, man can get all fused w
over himself just because he can lit
y few pounds more than another MAJ
or make the eighteenth hole in fewe
:. strokes. or beat up another in a prize
a, fight. or make little more money i
Wall Street. And, if he hasn't an,
thing else on earth to be vain Of
why, he is vain. just because he is
MAN! It's that perfectly beautifl
Coch-adoodle-dO spirit, that is born !
E every man and never dies out of him
Why. I've actually known dear, oil
doddering things Of eighty or ninety
to imagine that I was flirting wit
= them--
+ We'll. perhaps you were" put in ii,
- Bachelor, accusingly. You'd hrt Wit
a ghost, if there We're nobody els
= handy. But if YOU admire our cock;
:, doodledo' spirit so much. why don
:, YOU women work up a little of III
'cluck-cluck' spirit. and a little sci
satisfaction to offset ourso A woma
is never satisfied with anything abo,
herself-the color Of her hair. tn
shape Of her nose, her weight, or he
photograph! What woman ever a,
mitted that her photograph did he
l. justice?"
r Not one Of u.s." acknowledged tn
s Widow, promptly. She wants it 7