The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1919-07-27
Rhymed Relaxations
of Malcolm, NJ. p.

- 10 noTSeJ We CeildeViS oshASS'
Close I'D the ranks Of Bacchus, then
Charge boldly at the thing accurst.
Great wrongs demand great remedies;
Strike not the evil but the cause;
Safeguard your ancient liberties;
Down with these damned liquor laws
Thus sings Ian Malcolm, M. r, and
member of the British Mission In 1917,
in his wrath and disappointment at what
be calls the growing habit in America Of
converting water into the statutory wine
of the country" No doubt many another
of Mr.. Malcolm's sentiments, so anus
ingly expressed in his little book OF hui
morous verse, Staf-and Nonsense, viii
find a sympathetic echo in the breasts Of
thousands of Americans.
However, when he wrote this particu-
lar TRADE Mr. Malcolm seems to have an
ticipated that the "growing habit would
become violent issue; he has given it
wide berth for the rest of his book. The
first six poems of the collection are de-
voted to a mock Homeric account of the
great labors of the mission, beginning
with the tragic spectacle of Mr.. Arthur
Balfour struggling with NAL de mer and
his eventual triumph and transformation
into a good sailor, and ending in fare
well dirge after the manner of "Now the
Day Is Over" as the mission embarks
for home.
The poems are remarkably clever and
might almost have been written by Ste
pben Leaeock, especially the one in which
Lord Eustace Percy is represented as Is
suing a grave "Pronunciamento" on the
best method for the mission to conduct
itself upon landing in the New World.
The ending:
There is just one other matter
Which diplomacy dictates
Should be handled with discretion
In non-alcoholic states:
'Twould be well received, think,
If the Mission didn't drink.
Having safely disposed of the mission
Mr. Malcolm goes on to regale his read
ers with metrical Interpretation of the
famous Papal Peace Note and the replies
of President Wilson, Great Britain and
the German and Austrian Emperors.
These are interspersed with occasional
serious poems which don't amount to
great deal in comparison to the genuine
British humor Of the rest of the collec-
ton. 2 49
One of the most amusi'- /; poems is en-
titled "Mermaiden's Ia;!' in which Won
Tirpitz, from his "o-fico unter Nicer"
orders the hair to be 5hOrn from The heads
of the entire German female population
in order to make belts for his submarines.
The book ends with the most delightful
poem of the whole collection, called "Bal-
lad of Prinkip6," which treats of the ex-
tensive preparations of the Allies to re-
ceive and settle the grievances of the
warning Russian factions. 1t concludes:
They waited and watched till the close
of the day,
With wrath and ANXIETY dumb,
Till a wiz 'ess message arrived to say
That aone of the guests would come.
Then President Wilson whispered, Nunc
Dimittis,' to Clemenceau,
And vanished away in an Arab junk
From the Island of Prinkipo.
From several remarks that the author
lets fall the reader may gather that he is
not exactly Wilsonian, but whatever
may be the readers own political convic-
ton he cannot fail TO be diverted. The
book forms a delightful contrast to the
usual strenuous war verse and the in
sipid doughboy ballads with which the
book market is flooded.
sTUFF-AND NONSENSE. BY IAN NAL
~