davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Back From Overseas,
Now Begins to Get
Lonesome Again

An Omaha school teacher, who
recently returned from oversee serv-
ice, was asked whether she was
lonesome when she was far away
from home, across the deep, blue
sea.
Il will answer that in my own
way" she replied. "You see, was
in the canteen Service and it was
part OF our duty-and l will say
pleasure-to dance with the boys.
| recall that on a certain evening,
after I had grown foot-weary from
dancing with so many. l was &C
costed by stalwart young soldier
who insisted that l should dance
with him. l explained that I was
tired, but he pleaded and, I con-
scented.
"'You had better dance with me,
because you won't be so popular
when you get home,' he remarked.
WAS I lonesome when l was
overseas? No, it's lonesome l am
now that am home again"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Judge Day as Young Lawyer
Didn't Argue This Question
Shares Bed With "Hard-Looking" Individual and
Decides to Give Him Plenty of Room as Big
Pistols Are Brought Into Sight.

"Some questions can be argued
and some can't" said District Judge
Day, "reminiscing"
81 remember one instance early
in my career as a lawyer. / went
to the western part of the state to
gather evidence for lawsuit. Leav-
ing the train at Sidney, | drove over
into the country to ranch located
where now the town of Palisade
stands.
"Thcy had only sod house, but
they were willing to put me up for
the night The rancher told me that
about | or 2 o'clock another man
would be in with whom | would
have to share the bed. | told him
that would be all right.
well, | went to sleep and was
awakened by hearing someone in
the room. I looked around and
there was fellow about six and
half feet tall and powerfully built.
He had just lighted the candle and
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

Well, the worm has turned at last.
And now is the time for all good
men to come and join the new soci-
ETY., the Omaha and United States
Anti Overcoat and New Suit soci-
ETY..
With overcoats selling at any,
where from $50 to $3.50 or more, ac-
ton had to be taken by the men
whose salaries have not quite in
creased in proportion to the rise in
prices of clothing.
"Not quite!! Ha, ha!
You're All Invited.
So the great society mentioned
has been organized and its member
ship is open to all you poor, down
trodden worms who are invited daily
to step UP and buy new clothes and
try to look like the nifty ninnies in
the ad pictures.
You know those magazine ads that
lure US to buy new suits-new suits
at any price, like Bryan and peace.
The pictures show a young man
dressed in a suit of Misfit &
Shoddy's tailored to your person.
atty" clothes and bunch of queens
looking at him with admiration in
their eyes. Or else the perfectly
tailored nincompoop is coming off
of his private yacht followed by a
couple of porters with his luggage.
Not ggage-luggage. Sometimes
he's addressing the board of direc-
tors, lot of white haired gentlemen
who have "envy" written all over
their faces because they, too, haven't
got suits of Misfit & Shoddy clothes.
A Regular Constitution.
Well, the members of the 0. &
U. S. 40. & N. S. society will not
respond to these advertisements. not
when the prices are $40, $50 or
more. The first article of the con-
stitution says:
1--WE will not buy any overcoat
or new suit until an all-wool gar
ment can be bought for rs bucks"
That's plain enough. And by the
time the members of this society
have laid offa buying for two or
three years the manufacturers will
come across with a reduction to our
figures, b'gosh.
Organization of the society has
already advanced so far that yell
has been adopted:
Song of Emancipation.
Hank to the song of emancipation:
who are we? Who are we?
Members Anti-Overcoat societee. =.
Will we freeze?
We guess not!
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Mgible Omaha Bachelors

7 - 4.
Our first impression of James
O'Hara, attorney. 43, and bachelor
as we have talked with him about
naatrimony' in his Office that he was
he was a man of truth.
And when he remarked mourn
fully, "The girls don't seem to like
me-" we felt real sorry for him.
When we came out of the Omaha
National bank building, where his
Office is, a heavy rain was falling and
we paused. Soon sMr. O'Hara
came out. A beautiful woman was
Standing at the door trying to put
Up her umbrella. Something was
wrong with it.
He's Johnnie ont e-Spot.
James O. Hara was "Johnnie-on-
tlle-spot."
please take my umbrella" he
said. chivalrously.
"Oh thank you so much, Mr.
! O'Hara," said the young lady. And
you ought to've seen the look she
gave him out of her large lustrous
orbs. Um-m! La la!
Then Mr.. O. Hara took her um-
brella, gently but firmly and fixed
the broken rib and put it up and
handed i to her with bow.
Thank you, Mr. O'Hara, very
,auch," she said again. She gave
i'm another of those lovely looks
cut of her large ,lustrious- orbs.
If she dint like Mr. O'Hara,-
well, then we don't like lemon
n,aringue pie. That's all we'll say.
Likes the Ladies.
Up in his office few minutes
before this happy incident, James
remarked that he likes the ladies and
/ .hopes to get married sometime"
what is the ideal you have in
nlind?" we asked.
Well" said James, running his
fingers through his luxuriant locks,
she must be domestic, have COM
mon sense and good judgement; she
need not necessarily be brilliant or
even very we'll educated"
How about looks?" we chirped.
Not more than passably good
looking" said Mr.. O'Hara. IF she
were too handsome might lose
her"
"Age?" we Intercepted.
mot much under &c." said he.
His Honest Opinion.
They don't begin to get real in
terrSting until that age" we remark
ed feelingly.
THE NOSE charming woman l
ever knew was past 35," said James.
Mr.. O'Hara was born on a farm
near Mortified, Mimi, almost exact
ly 100 years after the Declaration
of Independence was signed, that is
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
We Get So Tired of Ourself!

VIC 1Ct % II gu Vi OuIoSlIt
Sometimes longing comes to US
to be one of these here clubmen, or
men-about-town. We'd like to be
a bachelor, handsome and always
perfectly groomed," and have
Jap valet at our apartments and
wear a sorta blase expression all
the time except when we would give
sad smile when some ladies were
trying to attract our interest. And
we would have big, classy, power
full car in which we would drive
along the country roads at break
neck speed. And-and, ev'rything.
BRAZIL.
Commissioner Bingo, in his
search for proper methods of d.
recting traffic, has decided to erect
gates at all the busy downtown cor
ners.
The gates will swing on posts and
will be opened and shut to let traffic
through. A man will be stationed
at each gate to open and shut it.
1--WE intend to give this scheme
thorough try-out," said Commission
er Bingo. | believe it will prove
successful and the gates at every
street corner will add to the beauty
of our city and advertise it through
out the country. The north and
south thoroughfare will be closed
while the east and west is open"
How about vehicle that wants
to turn from Farnam street to Six
tenth Street," he was asked.
81 never thought of that" he re-
piled. But we will work those de-
tails out"
Mr.. Bingo has tried out the bird
cage" traffic directory house at Six
teenth and Harvey streets~and dis
carded it. He is now trying the
toot-toot method. Every traffic cop
has whistle and the occupants of
downtown buildings are being driv-
en- to Mysteries by the noise He
believes the gates will prove the
solution of this grave problem.
Why They Pay Another Fare.
Everything is made SO convenient
tor tourists by the Denver street
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

| could see his broad shoulders and
his bearded face.
Gust at that moment he pulled
two pistols out of his holster. They
looked about a yard long to me-
He saw I was awake and, as he laid
the guns with a great clatter on the
table, ne said, in a gruff voice:
Reckon you and I'll get along
all right, pardner.'
II told him l knew we would and
| moved over and gave him about
two-thirds of the bed.
THE next morning when l had
an opportunity to get better ac-
quainted | found he was a highly
educated man. He had graduated
from Harvard and then his health
had broken down Ind he beat it for
the west. He certainly had re-
gained his health.
Il had to go about 20 miles fur
Their and he insisted on driving me
over there and back and wouldn't
take cent of paw for it. either"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
lite NuUb/e witt tbs b,a1dm IeaUIT Y0u fof 70
Hukck 1T lille yourhI and otzz0o<Maoze ann Zz1ch

henna work slapped on your knob,
the beauty mechanic gets a lot of
stuff that looks like mud, acts like
mud and hangs it on your skull.
You perch there on a chair like
ham in a smokehouse. In eight
hours he removes the mud stuff, and
what's left of your wool is the same
color as the deuce of hearts. If
your complexion was the same as
the queen of spades when you left
home you can't blame the old man
for thinking that somebody framed
the pack.
The, old brunette-blonde route is
the we'll known peroxide journey
and is no longer stylish among the
elite who judge heads from the out
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

side. With a combination steam
roller and hamburger steak chopper
he cuts your warts down three sizes
smaller and presses your wrinkles
back into your skull. This makes
'em come out of the back of your
head, but you can keep your hat on.
Marcel waves are put in with ma
chine that looks like a concrete
mixer, and Judging by some of the
marcelled skull, maybe it's right. A
blizzard of beauty spots, a shower
Of talcum and rouge, and you're
beautiful.
The only trouble with this brand
of beauty is that it is the kind that
you've got to watch like your hats
and ovcrcoats in a one-armed
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
So Busy Weighing
Cattle He Forgot
School Had Begun

Promptness and servitude to his
Alma Mater were entirely over
looked by Joseph P. Malloy, worthy
member of the senior class at
Creighton medical college, last
Monday, registration day at the
school
Joe had been guessing avoirdupois
weight of hogs and cattle at a
South Side packing house SO ener-
getically all summer that when time
came to return to school he forgot
there was such an institution.
But better late than never" so
Joe rambled off to renew expert
ments in bugology, four days late,
after delegation OF his "playmates"
informed him of the opening.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Pat Thought He Was
Shutting a Window,
But it Was Bookcase

Pat Griffin, one Of Council Bluffs
returned heroes, although he was
gassed, is taken by his friends to
have normal mind. But if he pulls
any more stunts like he did Monday
morning, his friends threaten to
have him watched.
Pat" like lots of others, felt the
decided change in the weather dur
ing the wee small hours last Monday
morning. As usual, he had his bed
room window wide open and awak-
ened with cold breezes blowing over
him. He closed "a window" and
heaved sigh of relief.
When he got up Monday morning
his window was still open, and upon
investigation he discovered that he
had shut one of the open glass doors
to his bookcase. And he admits it.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Here's a Story Of One
OF Those Big Fishes
....... That Got Far Away

Engineer Charley Highsmith of
the Union Pacific railroad is an in
yeterate fisherman. He would rather
discuss the technique of Dowagiacs,
bucktails and Wilson wobblers than
eat. His motto is "Spare the rod and
spoil the child"
One rainy afternoon he seated
himself in chair in the office at the
roundhouse and became drowsy. His
clothing was wet, which may have
had something to do with shaping
the course of his dreams. Presently
he became aware of the presence of
4 huge fish sitting in the chair across
the desk. He gasped with astonish-
ment.
"Why-er-who are your"
The visitors gills expanded in
cheerful grin
"I?-why, I'm the big one that got
away"
ooh, l can believe it all right"
said Charley. Il should have recog-
nized you, for l have had you on my
hook many time"
"Sure," said the fish, 81 never neg
lect my friends"
MAY I ask you a question:" said
Charley.
Certainly, I'll bite" grinned the
fish.
Gust what is your mission in life,
anyhow"
The visitor famed himself with
his fins an instant and then replied,
my line of business is to break the
monotony of fruitless fishing trips
and give the boys something to
blow about around the hot stove. l
am benefactor of the dry half of
the world"
II never thought of it in that light
before" replied Charley. Il was
wrong in cherishing hard feelings
against you. And you always get
away?'
The big fellow shrugged his dor
sal fin. "Well, here l am. And now
| must be gliding. A lot of good fell
lows are just starting for Lake Man
ava and I don't want to disappoint
them. You see l do business on
large scale" He extended a moist
fin and added, Besides, I'm getting
dry"
AS Charley reached for the ex-
tended fin with a fixed determine
ton to hang on to it he knocked the
Ink bottle from the desk. Then he
rubbed his eyes. Only little pool
OF water on the floor remained to
mark the visit.
"Confound it, he cried, ''he got
away again"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

in July, 1876. When he was 7 he
moved with his parents to North
Dakota, where he went to school and
finished up with the state university
He has the degree of B. A. and LII.
B.
After practicing law in Indiana
for few years, he came to Omaha
in 1905, went into the firm of Mont
gon1ery & Hall for year and half
and then set up for himself.
Politics His Diversion.
Politics is his diversion. He was
nominated for city councilman once,
lost nomination for state senator
by just seven votes once and at the
last election same mighty near being
elected county attorney.
He learned to dance before he was
IL and learned to swim after he was
40, He goes to the theaters and
movies and is an especial admirer
of Bill Hart, Doug. Fairbanks,
Charles Ray, Mary Pickford and
Bessie Barriscale.
He belongs to the Woodman of
the World and the Modern Wood
man of America. He lives at the
Harley hotel.
Nice chance for some domestic
girl with good sense and Judgment
and too awfully good looking.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
It Will Happen.

This is the fourth morning
you've been late, Rufus" said the
man of his colored chauffeur.
Yes, sah," replied Rufus. Il did
ovah sleep myself sah."
where's that clock l gave you?
I'm m'room, sah."
Don't you wind it up?"
oh, yes, sab. | winds it up, sab. y
And do you set the Alarm"
Fry night, sab, set de alarm
sab"
But don't you hear the alarm in
the morning, Rufus?'
mo, sab. Dere's de trouble, sab
Year see de blame thing goes of
while I'm asleep, sahp'
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

car company which prints on tn,
back of each transfer this lucid in
formation:
INBOUND CARS TRANSFER AS
FOLLOWS
Route 4, to S at 4th & Downing.
e at 4th & High walk blks. NJ,
or at 9Th E. Downing.
Route s, to E at 4th & Downing,
and 6 e at 6th & Downing, includ.
ing a retransfer from Route 9. So
at Alameda & Downing.
Route s, to e at 9Th & High walk
blks: s.. or s at 9Th and Cor
ona,. including retransfer from SO;
at 7th & Broadway. 10 N at Arap-
ahoe. 10, IA, Is or SO e at Colfax.
IL at 18th Ave. 10 at Central
Loop. 20 or 40 e at Colfax walk
2 blks. NJ. % or 20 e at Welton
tat 18th ST.; N at Arapahoe lat
10th ST.. 20, 81 or 80 at Central
Loop, 80 e at fremont lat 18th
ST.; N at Arapahoe Cat 18th ST..
so or W at Curtis, IS at Col
or W at Arapahoe Cat 18th & Lari-
mer). So or "a z and "a W at
Arapahoe Cat 18th & Lawrence).
Sc e at Stout. ~ S at 7th & Broad
way (at 9Th & Bannock), or at
fremont Cat 18th ST., or at Arap-
ahoes Unterurban Loop. rs e or w
at Arapahoe. 81. 80, SO, "a or D.
& I. at Arapahoe Qnterurban Loop.
Moffat Station: Routes 9, IL, 2s. %,
Z Routes 9. 10. II or 80 N. when
northbound line Except 12) at Ara
pahoe or Lawrence,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Want to Join Anti-Overcoat
Society and Freeze to Death?
Membership Open to All-First Meeting Will be Held
Soon and Spike" Kennedy is to Be Guest OF
Honor and Deliver an Eloquent Address

All this talk of high production cost
is rot.
Honk, honk, honk!
It's purely bunk.
Clothing makers. save your signs;
We are wise, you bet, we're wise.
Well be free; we WILL BE free
Members Anti-Ovcrcoat societee."
A glee club will be organized as
soon as enough members are secured
for the society. The glee club will
go around daily and give the yell in
front OF all the clothing stores, po-
lice permitting This movement will
prob'ly bring the dealers to time
Predictions of the Indians that
cold winter is coming have not
dampened the ardor of the members
of the society.
Remember the Romansr
"Overcoats are foolish adore
ments, anyway" said X. Waldo Te{S
williger, president. "The ancient
Greeks and Romans never wore
evercoats. Why should WEI"
The argument of Mr.. Terwilligcf
is unanswerable.
A movement is on foot to grant
service stripes to members of the
society A silver stripe will be
sewed on the sleeve of overcoats and
suits of members for each year Of
service the overcoat or suit has
seen. Thus, a man whose overcoat
is being worn for its tenth winter
will have the proud honor Of wear
ing 10 silver stripes on the right
sleeve.
Now is the time to join.
A meeting prob'ly will be held in
the near future somewhere or other
to get new members. Spike" Ken
needy, who has never worn an over
coat in his life, will be the guest Of
honor and will deliver an eloquent
address. Get your tickets now
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
IF 1t Was There'd Be
Several Hundred
Killed in the Rush

A small, well-dressed man entered
the sheriff's office in the court house.
He looked about timidly.
Roy Musgrave, bookkeeper and
deputy, approached and asked the
man what he wanted
MY wife is very sick" the little
man whispered. unless she gets
some whisky, she may die. l have
heard that you have lots of whisky
here"
Isn't your wife under doctors
care?" inquired MIR. Musgrave, much
impressed by the mans tale.
"Oh. no-she doesn't believe in
medicine" replied the little man.
Mr. Musgrave explained that
whisky could not be given out by
the sheriff, and the little man left
in despair, rvvv -,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Careless Messenger
And Kennedy's Only
Suit Cause Mixup

Con r. Kennedy, owner of the
shows at the Ak-Sar-Ben carnival
grounds, was the victim of cruel
fate last Sunday. when he sent his
only suit of clothes out to be
pressed in a hurry.
1t was the only suit he had>with
him. He had an appointment. to
meet ]. D. Weaver, secretary of
..Ak-Sar-Ben, at 10, and his newly
pressed suit had been inadvertently
left in the wrong room.
Thought you was going to be
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

here at 10" shouted Mr.. Weaver
over the telephone.
Send over barrel and I'll come
was the reply.
After searching through many
rooms at the Fontenelle, the miss
ing suit was found and the euua-
nimity of the show manager was
restored.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Mining.

We'll, Rastus, | hear you are
working again. What business are
you engaged in?"
Use done be engaged in de min
ing business, sah."
What kind of mining are you do
ing, gold, silver or diamondsl"
Use doing kalsomining, sab"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
NOTHING DOING.

When I was but little lad,
My father used to say:
"If you are good, perhaps you will
Be president some day."
I've always followed his advice,
My conducts pretty fair,
But fathers promise didn't pan,
And, really, | don't care.
The more think about the thing
And see the bowling mob
That's buzzing round T. Wood
rows ears
The less | want the job.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
THE H. c. L.


The old-fashioned farmer used
to gather the family in at 9 or
10 o'clock Saturday night and go
to bed and was up Sunday morn
ing ready to take all hands to
church and Sunday school. At
9 o'clock Saturday night the
new-fashioned farmer is loading
the family into the auto for
trip to town to do the weeks
trading, get shave and attend
the picture show, returning home
after midnight, with all hands
too sleepy next morning to at
tend church and Sunday school,
and merchants, clerks and bar
bers are in the same fix. What is
going to be the effect on the
next generation?
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

End of Perfect Social.
madison MafD
A large crowd attended the
program and ice cream social
at Dist. %, Friday evening. The
pupils did their parts fine. The
crowd enjoyed the program fine
except some young boys and
girls who made too much noise
for the others to hear. The
money made for the ice cream
will be used to purchase school
books.
The party that stole the teach
er's little alarm clock during the
social Friday evening must have
wanted a clock real bad. We
have made up our mind that
next time doing is held in this
district a police will have to be
along to keep order and see that
things are not stolen.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
Reporters Have Limitless
il Opportunities!

Trotzky of Russia was formerly
reporter on An East Side newspaper
in New York. And Kink Albert Of
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

Horrible Example of the Results o
Disloyalty.
(Minatare Free Press.)
A couple of Miniature fellows
bet on the Bluffs Sunday. They
came back home sadder but
wiser. They will probably bet
on the home team next Sunday
if there is anyone willing to take
the other end of it.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
SOCIETY NOTE.

The following had their tom
sils removed at the Yeazel home
during the past 10 days: Martha
Garrett, Mrs. w. c. Mcknight,
Ethel Belknap, Dora Renner,
Willie Basse, Emma Pearse,
Helen Buettner, Pauline Nelson
and FIVE of the Resseguie fam
lily, Ella May, Winifred, Eu-
genie, Elliot and BernArdine.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
NAMES

Miss Virtue and Mr.. Noble are
two of the valuable workers on the
staff of the Omaha juvenile court.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28
d3puE{b!l8 a3&eaRnlzzZiit}lg;s
End of a Perfect Social.

Belgium was 4 reporter on the
Brooklyn Eagle.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

lunch. -
1t also has to be renewed as
often as the battery in a pocket
flashlight. Ais
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-09-28

Everything is made so convenient
for tourists by the Denver street