davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
1t Wouldn't Be a Bad
Idea if These Ladies
Would Change Husbands

Two Omaha women. whose dis
parity of size was empha sized by
comparison, attended a special sale
in one of the large stores last week.
They had been strangers, but this
democratizing influence of the sals
promoted speaking acquaintance. :
The sale was of mems uniosi
suits. 1t was one of those catch-as-
catch-can affairs, where every wo-
man held to the garments unil at
tended by clerk, The small woman
and the large woman of this nara
tive looked at each other in despair,
indicating that they had been unable
to find the sizes which they knew
would fit their lords and masters.
What size are you looking for"
asked the small woman.
Il want SO, what size do you
want" answered the large woman.
Il want 49, replied the small wo-
man.
1t was the irony of fate that the
small woman had just picked up
some sos which she handed to the
large woman, who had just picked
up some 46s which she handed to
the small woman, and thus they be-
friended leach other and their
speaking acquaintance ripened into
a feeling of mutual friendliness.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Ioe Hunmel Wants
to Know if He Looks
Like a Bootlegger

"Now, do you think look like a
bootlegger?" asked Joe Hummel,
former city commissioner, as he
stood AZ the corner of Seventeenth
and Farnam streets, holding the
Omaha National Ba = b,:ilding up
with one hand and stalwart cigar
with the other hand.
"No I never took you for boot
logger" responded George Jewett
and John Rine.
"Wel1, I have been taking the
family out on trips in the hivver over
into Iowa, and | have been max
ing the roads to Glenwood and to
Missouri Valley, and coming home
some of the fellows along the way
have stopped me and asked me if |
had something to SELL" continued
Joe. Zone chap only last week
asked me if | had successful trip
during the previous week. Now, do
you really think that look like a
bootlegger?" he repeated.
Jewett and Rine consoled Joe by
assuring him that he looks like a
self-respecting citizen, like man
of family, and they could not under
stand why anybody should be so I'M
couth as to mistake him for a whis-
ky-runner.
"Have cigar" added Joe, as he.
wiped aWay tear-drop.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Girl, Size Of Pint Of
Cider, Overwhelmed
When She Faces BOYS

A frail and timid miss entered
High School of Commerce last week
for the first time. She was as meek
as mouse as one of the teachers
remarked, and she was about the
size of pint of cider
One OF the studies required her to
go to room occupied at the time
only by. young men. She was so
overwhelmed that she could not go
further than the threshold of the
door.
Finding her way back to Miss
jeanette Mcdonald. head of the
English department, the little maid
whispered, There are only boys in
that room, Miss Mcdonald"
Miss Mcdonald. statuesque and
brave. led the tirnid girl by the hand
with these reassuring words;
Let's go in there together; I've
just to go in there, anyway"
And they went in
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Emerald, Birthstone
For May, Known to the
World for 5000 Years

Emerald is the birthstone for May
as TIL? diamond is for April. The
two atones fit the gem color to the
months. The diamond is typical of
the crystal raindrops that fall so
abundantly in April and the emerald
of the grass and leaves that make
the .gorld green in May
The emerald is an older jewel
than the diamond. 1t ranked with
the ruby and the sapphire as the
most precious jewels of the ancient
world. 1t was among the treasures
of the earliest kings of history.
Beautiful emeralds have been found
in the tombs of the pharoahs who
ruled Egypt 5000 years before
Christ. They were worn BY the
Greeks and Romans. Many have
been recovered from the ruins of
Pompeii No jewel, except the ruby
and sapphire, has enjoyed a fashion,
able vogue through so many CEN
turtles. 1t is as highly priced today
as it was, before the pyramids were
built.
The mines of Egypt on the shores
of the Red Sea were one of the
chief sources of supply of the an
cient wcrld. These mines have been
rediscovered and a plan is on foot
to work them again. They are
known as Cleopatra's emerald
mines, and are believed not to be
exhausted.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
She Said it, Brother,
She Said it, and She's
Got Lots Of Company

An Omaha matron was having
her shoes shined in downtown
shining parlor. She mounted one of
the elevated seats and one of the
boys proceeded to work in the us
ual manner.
The woman's face indicated moth
ing unusual while the first shoe was
being treated but when the boy
started on the second shoe, her face
twitched in rhythm with the move
ments CT the boys arm.
An expression of pain finally
clouded the woman's face, and she
bent over as if to speak, but the
boy had completed his work.
I've got corn on that foot" ex-
planned the woman.
That's just what | thought" re-
piled the boy.
You may have a corn on your
foot someday, my boy retorted the
womaI
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Pretzels and Pickles
Are There; How About a
Pint Of Nice-Bevo?

A man accompanied by his wife,
son and daughter, was on a week
end provisioning outing at his cor
ner grocery. The wife and children
were laden with such edibles as ap-
pealed to their inclinations and in
come for the Sunday meals. In
the list were eggs, meat, bread,
vegetables, fruits and few other
things.
The pater -familias looked around
the store in fatherly interest to make
sure he had not forgotten anything
which would complete the creature
comforts of the day of rest.
The happy quartet were about to
leave the store, when the father sud-
denly started back, as if great
thought had been born.
Wife, daughter, and son looked
at Linn with il rest, curious to
know what had u en forgotten.
Il nearly forgot to get some pref
zels," exclaimed the father, as he
reached down into his purse once
more. .s.ss
Say, pa" interposed the boy,
cant we have some of those mixed
pickles, too?"
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About PEOPLE
When They Wooed and Won Edward Black >:

When man gets to be presi-
] dent of the board of education of a
metropolitan city he begins to get
in the spotlight, on the front page,
and is mentioned in the dispatches
now and then. He gets to sit at
the speakers table and on the plat
form.
This introduces w. E. Reed, pres
ident of the Board of Education, and
formerly a star in the gymnasium
of the Young Mems Christian as
ISOLATION 1t is a long step from
his days in the "Y" gym to his
present position, but for the pur-
pose of this brief review his aero
batic days must be referred to.
Steamboating Loses Charms.
Mr.. Reed began his career in
Fulton, ILL.,, where he was born and
where he lived until he was II years
old. From Fulton he moved to
Clinton, where steamboat life at
tracted him for few years. When
steamboating lost its charms he de-
cided that the best place on the
map was Omaha, so he arrived here
at the age of 10 and straightway
started to get down to business.
He was attracted to the Young
Mems Christian association gym
rasium. where he spent five eve
nings each week under the instruc-
ton of w. A. Sheldon, who later
served as city councilman. Mr..
Reed became one of the most pro-
ficient all-around athletes in Oma-
ha. He became an adept at somer-
saults and flips and all Of the stunts
known to the circus acrobat.
Charley Meyers at that time was
known as the association Indian
club swinger. There were many
calls for the services of this team
who could put on quite a show be-
tween them.
One day Meyers told Mr.. Reed
that he had been invited to give an
exhibition at a church ice cream
lawn social at Thirty-first and
Corby streets. At first Mr.. Reed
asked to be excused, but when urged
he agreed to go. The team of
Meyers and Reed made suite a hit.
At the social Mr.. Reed met
rcertain young lady" who give him
i several dishes of ice cream and
4 several pieces of'cake. and then the
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Threat Of Darkness
Fails to Stop Shimmy
Dance at Hanscom Park

The "Shimmy" dance is prohibit
ed by the park department at the
Hanscom park dance pavilion.
Harry de Bolt has been appointed
official Skinny" preventer, and
here lies the tale.
Recently the Hospe Music COM
pany held a dance in the pavilion.
There was colored jazz band with
lots of pep, and the dancers found
it quite impossible to resist the
tempting "Shimmy' steps. In fact,
they didn't try to resist.
Finally Harry de Bolt. awaken
ing to his duty of official "Shimmy"
preventer, stepped forth and uttered
a dark and devious threat.
IF you don't stop 'Shimmying'
I'll turn the lights out" he is quoted
as saying.
A moments silence, and then
came a voice from some irrepressi-
bic youth in the crowd: Gee, won't
that be fne"
De Bolt retired in confusion, and
the dance went on.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Editorial By
Bug Editor

LIFE is what YOU make it.
Take that thought HOME WITH
YOU and try it on your PIANO.
CONSIDER the CAVE MAN.
How little education he had.
He lived by the CLUB. In fact,
he was the best-known CLUBMAN
of his TIME.
BUT what sordid life HE led.
He NEVER KNEW THE JOY of
WORK.
When he TIRED of his WIFE.
he simply threw her over THE
CLIFF and went out and dragged
in new one BY THE HAIR.
He LOAFED about all day and
was never SPURRED BY AMBI-
TON. He did not PROGRESS,
but simply STOOD STILL.
HE was amenable to NO LAWS.
Life was WHAT HE MADE 1T.
Would you like to be a CAVE
MAN?
You WOULD?
Oh, VERY WELL.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

taking the next dose that comes
within your reach. That's all. And
if your wife can't cure you she'd bet
ter give you dose of rough on rats
and be done with you"
The judge smiled to show that
he spoke partly in jest.
"They don't teach stealing and
dope-eating in the schools" he con-
Guided as he fined Elliot SIS. III
they were good they'd teach them in
the schools"
Next came 2l-year-old James
Trice, = negro, who said he was in
nocent of the charge of burglary in
South Side store, but wanted to-
plead guilty.
"Ah's innocent of de crime, jedge.
but All jest hates to lay in jail" said
the smiling negro.
We'll, you'll hate to lay in the
penitentiary, won't you?"
well, All mates to lie in jail,
jedge," reiterated James.
so you come up here and plead
guilty to a crime that you are not
guilty OF, do your asked Judge
Sears.
"Yassir, All never done the crime
said James.
well, listen to ME" said the
judge, shaking finger at the ne
gro. I'm not going to send an in
nocent man to the pententiary. You
wait for trial by jury and they'll
soon prove it if you are innocent"
The negro was taken back to the
county jail.
IF he's guilty he'll be out here
again with an admission of his guilt
in few days." said the judge, as
he lighted a stogie.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Sears Mixes Philosophy
With Facts in Judges Chair
His Hobby is Rare Horses and His Necktie is Always
About Three Inches Southeast of Where it Be-
longs, But He's Human

Judge Sears is the philosopher Of
the Douglas county district court
lhis man, whose hobby is race
horses and whose neckty. is char
acteristically about three inches
southeast of where it belongs, is
said to be the most human" judge
on the bench.
When Jack Elliot stood before
him one day last week and pleaded
guilty to petit larceny, the judge
was in his characteristic mood. Most
Judges would have given cold look
at the prisoner and onounced
sentence. Judge Sears leaned back
IN his chair and looked the we'll
dressed, carefully barbered young
fellow over. Elliot's attorney ex-
planned that he entered the plea of
guilty because che wants to leave
town for a while"
Hmm, suppose | send him to
Jail! Can't leave town then, can
he?"
why in the dickens did you do
this?" he suddenly shot at the pris-
oner.
We'll, Judge I'd been drinking"
said Elliot.
Hmm, you picked out a pref
ty good suit, didn't your" said the
judge with the suspicion of smile.
Nov, if I'm ever arrested it won't
be for petty, one-horse, sneak thiev-
ing"
Elliot said he had been addicted
to the use of dope" His wife, he
said, had sent him to sanitarium ID
cure him.
you can quit it." said the Judge.
"All you need to do is refrain from
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Playful Little Goat
Causes Trouble When
Lad Wants 1t as ''Pal''

Elmer" young goat, caused Vim
cent Masalaska, Il years old, Sis
South Thirty-frst street, to stray
from the straight and narrow path
of complacent virtue and to become
enmeshed in the tolls of the law.
Full many weary day" the
young lad had watched the carefree
capers executed by little brown
and black goat. To his mother he
had ften whimpered his longing to
possess the animal But wish as he
might he could not gain possession
of Elmer" The sheep drivers at
the Swift packing company refused
to part with the risky little animal.
1T is difficult to drive sheep to
the slaughtering floor or to any
other place without leader" they
explained. They were training the
goat to act as leader. for the sheep.
But the childrish mind of Vincent,
once conferred on gaining possession
of the priced goat, refused to be
satiated with mere explanations of
the animals utility. He imagined
that the happiness of the world
would be his on obtaining his desire.
50 he decided to get Elmer"
through illegal channels.
One evening Vincent is alleged to
have crept to the pen in which the
goat is kept. He crawled over the
fence which imprisoned Elmer" and
then silently lifted the animal and
set it over the other side. He car
ried it to his home. In a few days
Vincent and the goat were fast
friends. They played together and
together they romped over all the
surrounding district.
But Vincent's happiness was short
lived. One of the sheep drivers saw
the goat at Vincent's home and his
arrest followed. He was charged
with incorrigibility and aurned over
the the juvenile authorities.
Elmer" who seems respondent
over the loss of his little friend, will
be returntd to his proper owners.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Willie Says Naughty
Word When Teacher
Seeks Information

Leon Smith, supervisor of the re-
search department of the public
school system, reports the following
incident as having occurred in one
of the elementary schools. The
principal of the school told Mr..
Smith and Mr. Smith told Superin-
tendent Beveridge.
Willie had just been enrolled as
new pupil at the Columbia school.
He was getting his bearings among
new scenes and new faces.
Willie" kindly inquired the
teacher do you know your A.
3. C's:?
ooh, hell 10. I've only been here
three minutes" the youngster re-
piled.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Eligible Omaha Bachelors

and sometimes it would buck q lit
tie, but in general it was quite gem
tie and carried its juvenile riders
carefully and safely.
MY land! What a large family
that man has," exclaimed the new
guest.
They're not his" replied another
guest. Hes a bachelor, but he's
the best daddy" in the hotel.
The man was Daniel F. Corte.
treasurer of the Corte, Aldous, Hunt
Furniture company, whose main
plant is at Twenty-fourth and Far
nam streets.
"Crazy" About Children.
Hes perfectly crazy about chill
dren," IS what they say of Mr.. Corte
at the hotel All the kiddics know
and love him. His pockets are al
ways sure to contain good things
for them and he is always ready to
talk to them and entertain them.
And he takes them out riding in
his automobile, too. That is his
other hobby. The two hobbies work
together very nicely. Mr.. Corte
likes the automobile and the kiddies;
the kiddies like Mr.. Corte and the
automobile.
He likes to load about a dozen of
them into the machine in the eve.
ming and take them out in the coun.
try for ride.
He believes in having an up-to-
date, car, and so he buys new ons
about every year.
Is a Classy" Dancer.
He dances, too Yes. they say
he's quite classy" dancer. Not
classic, but Classy" understand.
And the Rotary club! Oh, the
Rotary club is another hobby of
Daniels. He never, never. never
misses meeting. And from what
has been said before, it seems he
lives up to the Rotary motto: HE
profits most who serves best"
Every summer he makes a trim
back to old York state" where he
visits his brothers and sisters at the
old-fashioned town of Canajoharie.
N. Y.
Mr. Corte has been in Omaha for
50 years and has worked himself
to the top in his business. He has
been so busy in business and in low
ing the children that he hasn't had
time DO get masried. h. ,says,
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Happy Individual
Tries to Eat Plurns On
Hat Of Nebraska Eve

Eve again assumed the role of
temptress and once more caused
man to taste the bitter fruit of
knowledge in a little episode en-
acted on a northbound Crosstown
street car.
Eve, transformed into the mod
ern woman and dressed in the lat
est style, occupied one of the cross
seats on the car at about 10 o'clock
Wednesday evening. Her hat was
decorated with large and appetizing
looking plums, very realistic in ap-
pearance.
For some time she chatted gaily
with her friend. Finally man show
ing the effects of too much liquor
boarded the car. He took a seat
directly in the rear of Eve. He
sat there listlessly mumbling to
himself in a drunken stupor.
The bright color of the plums
finally attracted his attention. He
gazed at them for some time as if
in doubt. Then with drunken reso-
luton he extended his hand and
ripped off one of the pluns from
the girls hat. He clapped the fruit
to his mouth. A scream of the girl
accompanied this act.
But the stone resisted his best
efforts. Here, he said to the girl,
returning the plum to her. ITS
another case of Adam and the ap-
pie" he said with sodden inspira-
ton.
The conductor, attracted by the
girls screams. elected the drunk
from the car with more force than
consideration.
He requested the girls name.
Eve" she began. then suddenly
stopped. She would not divulge her
full name.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

Picnics! Ha, three thousand rap
lures!
Soon the denizens OF the city will
be cavorting countryward in cloud
OF dust to consort with Mamma Ma
tuge and to pick the insects from
between the sandwich, or else to
convey bullying bundles to the
greenswards in the parks, there to
acquire grass stains and get ache
of-the- stomach.
"A great institution is the picnic.
Why sit comfortably in the cafe
terra when one might be sitting on
sandburs and catching chiggers?
Though sand does get in your teeth,
and ants in the jelly, can that spoil
Nthe, pleasure of hearing the turtle
doves turtling and the quails quail
ing. and when dusk come on, to
hear the bull frog mooing to the
COW frog and see the lightning bugs
with their Daylos? Why sit in
doors and eat? Why not give the
flies outside a chance?
az This is the Life.
This extra hour of daylight
hoopla! Friend James comes
round in his Tin Lizzy Official pic
mic conveyor) and you and your
family pile in and in half an hour
you are seeking location in some
bosky dell (whatever that is) or
some likely spot to start the mas
catory ceremonlals.
Ant hills, as a rule, give very
pleasing undulation to the snow
white spread. Everything comes
out of the baskets at once and then
it's a race to see who gets to 1T
first you or the bugs.
Nobody feels real picnicky until
the bottle of pickles upsets and lit
tie Sadie gets watermelon juice
all down her front and Uncle Peter
sits on bee. Then, and not till
then, can we cali it a really and
truly picnic.
Sometimes, to be real sporty,
fire is started and weinies are al
legged to be roasted. From afar
comes the gentle farm dogs lusty
bark; a rooster crows, cowbell
tinkles, and your elbows feel sticky
and you wish you had worn your
other suit for real comfort.
You Remember the Bill.
1t amuses you to see the women
folk messing with the dishes, and
ii seems as if those bills you owe
were something very far off and
apart from all this. A couple of
farm kids edge near and you give
them some of that cake Aunt Ella
made that you didn't want to throw
away or tote back.
Little Gertrude has been picking
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

some scrawny looking flowers and
you spread your coat on the ground.
lie on your back and smoke and
think how criminal it is to be in
doors or in the city on an evening
like this.
Sometimes it rains. Every year
the butchers and grocers have
picnic. Do you get me? 1t rains.
They are the original rainmakers.
They are thinking seriously of max
ing it an annual aquatic sports
carnival. Anyway, the two principal
delights about picnicking are the
anticipation and retrospection.
Se1aht
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

to Omaha he became associated with
a live stock company and has been
with them for % years. SO he
stuck to Thirty-first and Corby
prospect until one day he just up
and declared himself
He has at his home a photograph
of himself in acrobatic clothes of the
long ago. and of Charley Meyers
with his Indian clubs. And he has
asked himself, How different things
might have been if l had not gone
with Charley Meyers to that church
social at Thirty-first and Corby
streets2"
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

Up at the Merriam hotel, Twenty
fifth and Dodge streets, new guest
noticed slim man with grey hair
and mustache playing with about a
dozen children in the parlor.
Down on his hands and knees, he
made of himself a pony" and the
boys and girls rode him around the
room amid shouts and laughter.
Something's the pony would -balk
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
NEBRASKA STYLE.


To seed, disk and drag 80
acres in eight hours is some
record. This was done by Is
of Ernest Lass neighbors on
his farm, five miles southwest
of Emerson, last Monday. Mr..
Lass has been very i'll with the
influenza and is still too weak
to work, but all his neighbors
showed their estimation of him
by turning out in body to
help him in his trouble. They
had plenty of work of their
own but their friends need
came first.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
The Worst of All.

There are boneheads, thick
heads and those with heads no larg-
.er than Tolpyhocken apple, but
the hardest bonehead, the densest
thick-head and the gauziest narrow
head, and the smallest, gnarlest.
wormiest Tolpyhocken is the man
who says he will not buy life in
surance because his wife does not
want him to carry any" said reg
ular caller who sells life insurance.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11

There's nobody" said Washington lob
byist, who can get rid of an importunate
caller so quickly and at the same time so
smoothly as the president Once at re-
cepuon a man held up the long line of
guests waiting to shake the presidents
hand while he recounted some tedious
yarn or other. The president stood about
four minutes of this. Then he gave
start. But, my dear sir, am monopoliz-
ing you" he said.'-The Argonaut.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
8 Masters of Our Fate.

The peace treaty being now safely
submitted and the army more than
half demobilized, we can look for
ward with calmness to the approach
ing rehabilitation of the service
flags May 80. We believe this, too,
will be accomplished without insu-
perable difficulties.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
Why the Neigabors Moved.

Mrs. Ed Pocock and Mrs.
Needham were practicing song
with Mrs. Clifford at Mrs. Gif-
ford's home Friday afternoon.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
A PAIR OF WINNERS.
(Ord OuiZ.)

Vera Goodhand and her
friend Fife Starbuck returned
to their school work at Lincoln
Monday after short visit in
Ord with relatives and friends
of the former.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
CPAETY NIPPON

The smiling little brown men"
of the Land of the Rising Sun sat
tight while white men were slaugh-
tering each other, and now they get
one of the biggest slices of the
booty 'Tain't right
Omaha daily bee., 1919-05-11
But Did They Get It?

Desire for a square meal
brought Mr.. and Mrs. O. B.
Mutter and several little Nut
tiers up from Ord Sunday to
visit for the day. They were
of course guests at the home of
the Tribune family.