Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1919-05-14

Ye bone-dry bands!
Let water wagons shake, J
For Billy Sundays sake,
Let young and old partake
Like seaside sands.
Strict Temperance, to thee,
JaiIor of Liberty,
Oak leaves We bring;
Until the day die,
Old Nick will hover nigh
Then keep US high and dry,
Grape Juice, our king! &C. NJ
WE HAVE again encountered the gentle
man who walks to work when he doesn't catch
the car. He says he's walking both ways, now,
to the Office and back home. He also repeated
his former invitation for us to jean him. Like
the transatlantic flyers. we are awaiting ia
vorable weather
NOT WITH ANY AMOUNT OF SAFETY.
Sir: was pleased to note that Police Mag
istrate Cleland has taken stand against gun
toting" But the thing that struck me of par
ticular significance the fact that Magis-
trate Cleland announced his attitude now that
the war is over Immediately after assessing
a defendant by the name OF Carr, for being
armed. Could one, by chance, refer to the lat
ter as an armored car? y. b.
An editor who was asked by his son to
help with some of the problems assigned as
night work, says he can't see how boy is
going to learn anything when his teacher sends
him home with such problems as the follow
ing: IF it takes a 4-months-old woedpecker
with a rubber bill nine months and thirteen
days to peck hole through cypress log that
is large enough to make III shingles and takes
165 shingles to make a bundle worth SO cents
how long will it take a cross-eyed grasshopper
with a cork leg to kick all the seeds out of
dill picker"
UNRELENTING DETERMINED MULE-ISH
STUBBORNNESS.
Sir: An Associated Press dispatch quoting
an Italian newspaper says president Wilson
is obstinateIy obdurate in his views on Ffume
showing he has not changed his mind" Didn't
they Just about make it unanimous or could
you add more? n, B.
THANKS.
Sir: 1t appears that it is up to me to as
sumo full responsibility in the matter of friend
wife's contributions, which have failed TO ap-
pear in your column. However, hesitate to
do so as long l have the old favor:te abb
of blaming it onto the Uncle Sans mail SER
vice. l am pleased though. at having the OPP
portunity of Generating you from all blame
That leaves it between me and the postal de-
partment. Now let +. W. draw her own CON-
clusions-which she would have anyway.
Ky.
Bridget saw an aerop!ane for the first time.
It came down with a great swoop and landed
in the yard next door.
Holy Moses" she cried in great excite
ment, rushing to her mistress; "all the saints
be lodged, marin, if the stOrk hasn't brought
full grown mon to Mrs. Maloney. and the wee
bootes she be a-knittin' yesterday will ma
more'n fit his great toe"
WHO was the budding young Journalist
who wrote a prize winning essay on the hor-
rors of cigaret smoking and then took the five
dollars awarded him by the local society un-
der whose auspices the contest was held, and
put in a supply of cigarets? GLIB.
HE SAID 1T!
Sir: Get this quick! During the recent
deluge | overheard a Liam complaining about
the rainy weather when his friend, apparently
a philosophic cuss as you would say, replied:
For the Iowa Mike, don't kick about the wet,
y'know we're going to have a burned long
dry spell mighty SOON ANNA G.
BY THIS time the Germans have said about
everything to be said about the peace treaty,
but that they won't sign it. And it doesn't
seem advisable for anyone to try holding their
breath waiting for them to say 1t.
1t may be old stuff bolsheviki propaganda
or some other such rot, but nevertheless it
strikes us that it should be recorded, inasmuch
as we must stick to facts-dry facts, if need be.
THE Corkscrew, they say, is losing its pull.
o. D. K.