The Washington times., 1919-01-13
Two ) THREE
|==WITH==|
BUGS" BAER
The Jazz Dance

S4AA &>O8xHSS
While waiting for the hectic glitter
to evaporate from that Christmas
diamond, it might be we'll to loll back
in the installment Morris chair and
figure out a few problems on your
celluloid cuffs. The first problem Is
that Scent fare bunk. Even IL the
Interborough does want it, it looks
as il the big transatlantic steam
fare for a long time. Eight cents Is
lot Of velvet to part with for the
privilege OF dangling off of a strap
like a flying gibboon. You've lamped
the gibboon out at the Bronx Zoo.
He's the ono with the purple nose that
eats peanuts, shells and all.
We don't know what makes a per-
simmon taste the way ii does, but
maybe it's because it's a persimmon.
There's a very persimmony flavor
about raising the ante to s megs
for a two-footed ride in the shove
way.
Divided By Two.
If they assess you s cents for
standing on your two fiat feet they
only ought to fine you megs IL
you stand on one. And II you stand
on some other gibboon's feet they
ought to let you ride for nothing. Fair
enough.
Another problem for your celluloid
cuffs is the final disposition of the
ex-Kaiser's ex-fleet. Might put
wheels on 'em and turn 'em into mid
night lunch wagons. Only thing we
left Won Tirpitz was his whiskers.
Would have taken them, too. but were
too kind-hearted to evict the mice.
The third little puzzle we want to
iope out on your celluloid rattlers is
the answer to the modern school of
lancing. That is, they call it a school,
but it looks more like a nut factory
apd acts like a comic academy. This
problem won't take long and the ad.
vantage OF ceiluloid cuffs is that you
can always rub the pencil marks off
again.
Buried Under TaIcum.
THE BULLS DON'T KNOW WHO
STARTED THE JAZZ EPIDEMIC,
BUT THEY BLAME :. ON THE
SHORT AND TALL GUYS. THE IN
VENTOR OF THE JAZZ SCHOOL OF
PRINTS ON HIS PARTNERS
ADAMS APPLE. BUT SHE BURIED
EN- UNDER THE USUAL ELEVEN
LAYERS OF HELIOTROPE TALCUM.
THE POLICE WILL HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL THE SPRING THAW AR
RIVES AND THE ADAMS APPLES
ARE AGAIN THRUSTING THEIR
SHY PETALS ABOVE THE SUR
FACE
The recent crime wave which gal
loped across the works left a trail
of jazz bands and other kinds of de-
vastation in it's wake. A jazz band is
difficult to describe. But it's easier
to describe one than to listen to one.
A jazzarass orchestra is synco-
pated influenza. It's musical malaria
without the quinine. The other in
gredient depends on whether or not
you have a license on the premices.
Trombones Herded.
The jazzkazazza band instruments
consist of a herd of trombones wear
ing purple derbies. four squads OF
bass drums and a corkscrew. The
leader of the orjazztra acts as IL he
was two jumps behind the rent ana
one jump ahead OF a flt- The violin
players go democratic.
Thanks to the jazz dance, Vio-
linist is now a wildlinist.
The dancers don't do anything but
shiver. They shiver from their corns
to their ears. We don't know who
wrote the music, but the effect is
something like trying to read Hank
Ford's new paper while riding in
one of his fliyvers. Can't be done
You said il.
The patron saint OF the jazz dance
is ST. Vitus. The dancers dance In
one spot like fly on Tangleroot.
They don't require any space. They
can dance all day on a plugged dime
10 of n
finish.
Jazz music is great stuff. It might
be described as harmonious collie. No
cure for it, Barbed wire did pretty
we'll in the war. but it's too mild
for this.
The world is safe for jazzocracy.
Wipe off your cuffs.