The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-04-11
THE RIcHMoND NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., APRIL H. 1919

Jerry in the ne6k which earned him
another yard Of medal pieces. Bill
wasn't vicious. but anything was a
change from the o. d. army beans.
In order to save Bits thumb. the
army surgeon had amputated his little
finger at the elbow, but Bill figured
that there was just enough of him
left to hold his old Job down when
he again parked his hobspiked dogs on
the star-spangled real estate of
Yonkers and vicinity. The eagle had
screamed with a chorus by the entire
company and Bill was coming home.
Stif1 Screaming.
Coming up the bay, herd OF tug
boata vhistled In eight colors and
pink, ana Bill got his first eastern. eye
full OF the Statue of Liberty. with her
face toward New York and Europe
Which places New Jersey In rather a
peculiar position. The same cuckoos
who had cheered Bill East, were there
to cheer him West They wined him
and cheered him. and dined him, and
cheered him. Bill was wondering
about his old job, but nobody could
stop cheering him ione enough to put
him hep. They stuck up big
triumphal arch made Of some transient
material like toothpaste and glucose
and Bill again walked up Fifth avenue
with SO many medals Vn his vest thar
he looked like a xylophone.
Ratio Still the Same.
Everybody cheered themselves dizzy,
had changed much since he ankied
down the avenue two years ago. They
were still doing the cheering and he
was still doing the walking. b
Jobbed Out OF the Old Job.
When the parade was cured. they
mustered Bill out and slipped him
enough kale to- take him home pro-
vided that he didn't live more than a
nickel away. Bill walked up the old
street and life was just one cheer
after another, with another cheer in
between. He asked a traffic cop the
way to his old building and the cop
gave him three cheers, but no direc-
|tions.
Bill figured you couldn't get fat of
cheers until some bird invented a
method of Harvesting acoustics. He
finally dug UP the old building and
walked up thirty-six flights of stairs as
the elevator boy was out cheering
parade When he fiat-wheeled into the
Office. the boss got up on the fnezzanine
floor of his desk and cheered Bill dizzy
Bill buzzed him about his old job,
but the boss was too busy cheering
him to answer Bill looked over at
his old desk and piped some button
eyed, hambacked cuckoo swivelling
around in his old swivel chair.
Bill didn't recognize this bird at
first. because the last time he spotted
this needle-nosed bird he had seven
sets of spectacles On his beak in order
10 look thoroughly exempt When the
armistice. was established. he started
shedding his specs. but kept just
enough on to see Bills job
Bill tried to ask for his old job back
but all the boss would give him was
three cheers.
The eagle was still screaming. hut
Bill was wishing he would stop the
Caruso stuff and lay few eggs.
After the Office force had chcerea
hin. on his way. Bill popped into VIZ
hundred and sixteen other offices, out
all s.e got was a completed SET CT
cheers.
Bill hoofed 1t down Fifth avenue,
putting like a mule trying to do a
locomotives work. Down at Union
equare he piped the same toothpaste
arch Of triumph that he had waddled
under n short time ago On the top
were squad of screaming PAPER
mache eagles.
Bill had made the world safe for
everybody but himself He looked up
at the screaming eagles and squawked:
How about canning this cheering
junk and slipping me a job? You
know that . bum is q bum even IL he
is hero"
That was when the eagle gigled