Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1919-05-26
Little Talks by
Beatrice FdirfdT


crossed on an ocean steamer told a
group of us that he had paid four thou
sand dollars for a little English cot
! tage for which he had no other use
! whatever save merely to get the knocker
on the front door
When the amazement, polite and other
wise, had subsidized, he withdrew his
credentials for membership in the
Ananias Club by adding that the
| knocker in question was the famous
| "Brazenose" that once adorned the
outer door of the college of that name
at oxford. And "Brazenose" wanted
its antediluvian knocker which had
been stolen and lost for a century or
so and was willing to pay for its re-
turn.
l have never verified the story, and
very probably would have forgotten it
altogether if a semi-famous American
in the group had not said: Il have a
little knocker in my home that 1 would
give four thousand dollars to get rid Of"
And as his wife and daughters were
not aboard, the rest of us did not know
whether he was only joking, or if he
did actually number one of these house
hold pests among his immediate fam
families that would cheerfully part with
four thousand dollars to wave long
farewell to the demosticated knocker
that is always curdling the joy of liv-
ing, and regard the release as cheap at
the price.
Hammer-ThrOwers Among the Fair
If you study the knocker on his native
hearth-rug you will discover that he or
she-for there are some marvellous
1,..,, hn fa n
never a creative personality. He or
she is kept entirely busy in wrecking
the creations, aspirations, hopes. gifts
and joys of every one who comes within
the radius of the trusty little hammer.
The knocker is the original Brighter"
whose sole joy consists in picking flaws
in some ones else achievements, ana
telling how things really should have
been done. The knocker is lavishly
gifted with hindsight-if he possesses
foresight he never applies 1.-THE
finished product is his delight, it offers
more scope for his hammer.
When the family knocker is the head
of the house. he runs for his trusty lit
tie implement every time his wife gets
a new gown, and with eyes glowing
with real missionary zeal he hastens
TO tell her that she dresses too young
for a woman of her age" II she mas
anticipated this knock by getting the
oldest, saddest. most down-hearted crea-
tion in the semi-mourning department.
he is still prepared with knock or
two. Isn't the thing too short? or a
hit low in the neck? or isn't 1t trifie
too scanty as to cut? or doesn't IL re-
semble that old thing Mrs. Dubb mas
been wearing for the past three years
And that settles it. Mrs. Dubb is the
synonym for all that is frumpish the
way of clothes, and his wife now loathes
her new gown to such a degree that
his final knock about its utter extraVa-
Cance fails to bring reaction.
Daurhter,s Gown Too Old
II II is daughter that is being pilloried
on account of her new gown, the nam
mer strokes are reversed and he INFORMS
her that the gown is entirely TOO olu
for a girl of her age" 1t is also 100
long and too high about the ears anu
he'll stand none of that vampire sus-
gestion about her clothes. He Will nave
her understand that she is MS oaushlei
and not Theda Bara.
~ ;s the same way about everything
disc II the wife sings, she is on the
kew or fat. or sharp, or the last time
he heard that thing. Mary Garden sang
n and IL seems almost desecratloh'
etc And by the time his wire mas oiS
covered that he knows nothing at ali
about music her spirit is broken anu
she does not want to sing.
Rut sometimes it is the wife ana
,,otber who is the knocker in the nome
and her gentle and incessant tap TAP
tan NAV he heard on every subject from
fatbar's increasing waist line down TO
the curtains in the neXt-door mousse
,,,hich are imitation, while hers are
raal She loves her husband dearly
hut she considers it her sacred duty To
tell him of his faults, particularly d
rneaIs where he may sit as a horrlole
example to the children.
she finds fault with everything from
tho tobacco he smokes to the way ne
cuts his hair. And doesn't he think
that n he had it trimmed another way
t. would hide the fact that he has not
a very we'll shaped head?"
snS ;s he actually going out again
tonight. and she does not see why ~,
does not stay at home oftener' ai.eI
she does to make the home what IL 10
And. good heavens. is Mary uie
oldest daughter, going to nave cotnpany
sgain? NO, positively. she cannot mahe
Iar,onade for them. If they want lenoh-
ode lei them get it at the corner drus
store Then she takes shy at every
friend of Marys who has ever snoWh
a head around the premises. Ana SO
or ad infinitum. till you do not wonoer
~ the man who said that he had a
,;ttle knocker in his home that ne
Give four thousand dollars to get RID Oh
and should not be surprised II there
weren't others who would not gladly
raise the ante.