The Marietta journal. (Marietta, Ga.) 1918-1944, 1919-08-15
IF We MANDATIzE
THE INCIDENT TURKS

inundated up with America. Take
sports, for example. When we took
over the Cubans they took up base
ball with vengeance, and soon knew
more about the game than they do in
St. Louis. Then we caught Aguinaldo
and took the Philippines under our
capacious wing, and the Philippines
went in for tennis. They did not
love us, but they loved love game
upon the courts; indeed they could
soon court with the best of them.
It was the same way with the Ha-
waiians. Queen Lii stood in the way
of the aspirations of the Hawaiians
for a full expression of their caba-
retic gifts. She passed from power,
and soon, attired in bale of hay the
Limbo Hawaiian maidens could enter
tain tired diners as well as the Jazz
Sisters, from New Orleans.
1t remains to be seen what Amerl-
can pastime the Turks take up, and
the purpose of this brief article is
to make some suggestions that may
guide them in their selection.
Baseball, of course, is out of the
question, since the Cubans have pre-
empted that; likewise tennis, which
nets the Philippines so much pleas
ure. Golf might seem to offer at
fractions, but the Turkish language
is wholly unsuited to this recreation.
1t is weak in cuss words. You can't
slice shot into the prickly pear
shrubbery and get anywhere by say
ing "By Allahp' Which is the only
way the people in the Turkish stories
ever swear. They overlook that
word, it is true, good up-to-date
story having the people swearing by
Allah twice in every paragraph, but
a thousand "By Allahs" would not
compensate for dub into the water
hole, whereas, we ourselves know a
thousand American explosives, any
one of which sets a man right when
his mashie technique goes awry.
There are things to be said for
football. They would make calking
backs, half-backs and quarter-backs.
l suppose, in fact, they are the most
backward nation in the world, unless
it be the Irish, who fight back and
forth all the time. Also the casualty
list that piles up during game would
remind them of the good old days
when they used to mess up the Ar
menians. But difficulty arises; with
a language like that you never could
work out a set of signals that the
opposing team wouldn't have in five
minutes-and the one condition of
set of signals is that no one shall un-
derstand, not even teams own play
erS.
Five hundred should prove fas-
cinating game. Solomon was strong
for one thousand-but then, Solo
mon was king, and kings were wild
in those days. Yes, we think five
hundred should appeal to the modern
Turk; it does to the average Amerl-
cans, many of whom are content even
with sixty-six.
Draughts are not recommended,
since the Turks are used to a warm
climate. and should avoid exposing
themselves to anything that might
bring on the flu. Parchesi is a nice
game but if you are going to play
dice game you might as well learn
to shoot craps, and you can't shoot
craps any more on account OF the
coppers running off with your swag.
And it will be worse than ever now;
before July first policeman wouldn't
raid more than dozen crap games
a day. He didn't have to; he had
regular stipend coming from Hogan
on the corner across from the drug
store, and Rafferty, on the next cor
ner: both of them set their clocks
back an hour every night. But that
source of revenue is gone now, and
it's an easy-going cop that can't cam
outage his way onto crap-game
every half hour, picking up an odd
dollar in that way.
Then there is brdge-but why an
ticipate; one shouldn't cross his
bridge before he comes to it. And
speaking of crossing bridges, there
is lacrosse-but that is Canadian
game, and the Turks are our prote-
ges; if our mandates are to be stuffed
we will do the job ourselves. 1t is
the same with dominoes; dominoes
might suit the Turks very well, only
it is the national game of Texas, just
as pinocle is the national sport OF
Hoboken.
Really, the field is rather restrict
ed, and there is not much left in the
way of typical American sport ex-
cept the good old game of taking the
bull by the horns-frst, however,
shooting him.-Cartoons Magazine.