The Washington times., 1919-03-10


needles. You can see through a pair
of the celluhoid bones, but you can't
see through the bird who is steering
'em.
Which is where the fourth guy in
the famous quartet of Buffalo pad
rollers stubbed his official chin.
You remember the first cuckoo who
took the Sultan of Cold Turkey. Took
him and took him good.
The second Buff got tangled up in
the Northern Lights and was sending
an Eskimo along for his velvet.
The boy who made the cubes sing
baritone in the quartet was the fish
who went out into No Gentleman's
Land and picked up a grapefruit
that didn't have it's adenoids ampu-
tated. 1t blew him right into a cannI-
bal crap tournament.
The fourth guy would have been
right any other place, but where he
| happened to land. China. Funny
story how he got there. Was bayonet-
ing Imperial Potsdamers and had 'em
strung out on his rife like beads.
Had to stop to let his bayonet cool
of. Saw a flying machine standing
around without any janitor in il and
stepped inside. She went buzz buzz
and that's all he remembered until he
woke up later under a laundry
ticket tree Feeling hungry and piped
a full nosebag spread out on a little
terrace. The flying machine was
wrapped around a fireplug and a lot
OF no-checkees-n no. Washes were talk
ing to it with their hands.
| Any kind of food standing around
loose is an automatic invitation to
Buffalo, so he eases over and cuts
loose. Fingers were made before
| forks and he had eaten all the
-, wrinkles out of his vest before one
Abird gyrates over and buzzes him.
Buff says he had an expression on his
face like half a hornets nest. Back
home the Buff used to hang around
a Chink laundry in the winter time
because il smelIed like Palrl Eeach
So he added up a few of the motions
and piped that the Chink was slip
ping him the razz for scOffing the
eats.
Buff asked him why not Chink
said:
mo eatee. Belong to Mock Wing
Him to go heaven"
Mock Wing go to heaven. Dh:"
Yep"
Meal to go heaven tOo?"
r Yep"
Where does the check go?"
| Check him go other way"
| We'll, don't worry then, Yeller.
I'll get it yet"
mo eatee meal. Mock Wings"
lis this the kind of cooking what
killed him? If it is, don't tell me, be-
cause it's too late to save this Buff
falo."
Buff says that before the Chink
could make any more motions q big.
long butter-colored mandarink or
something waddled up and said some
thing that sounded like a busted coffee
I grinder full of frogs. First Chirk
! 1atfoOts off and comes back with two
] gold boxes that were worth some
! money. Mans wife would sure have
to take in a lot Of washing TO paw
J the installments. The mandarinIl
shakes 'em up and out pops two little
ivory bones that hum home, sweet
home. on the carpet
Buff couldn't chirp Chinkese. the
| mandarOOn couldn't chin English, bat
the bones could talk both. Mandaroon
] pats the bones and the Buff saw that
| the needles had him by the queue and
| had him good. Buff tosscs down =
| dollar of his wife's hard-earned
money and the mandareen covars il
with a lot of bum stuff with holes in
| il. Looked like iron cruIlers.
Buff throws a natural and reaches
| for the gravy. but the mandaroo beats
! him to it. Buff squawks and tne
| mandarink pulls out a set Of Chinese
I rules That was just like giving a
| pair Of dance tickets to a fish. Buff
| couldn't understand that kind OF lar
| Euage. Buff reaches for his unfversal
| interpreter to carve that Chink uD
! into meatbalIs. Wandering says some
/ thing and the razor turns to a shoe
] horn.
The Buffalo knew he was following
a tough bird, so he motions to switch
J the game from crap to high throw.
! Chinese dice is no game for a guy who
! rolls 'em Dixie style He throws his
wife's last smoker into the ring and
! the Chink smothers il with a CARLOAD
| Of MongOlian velvet Buffalo figured
nobody could be Spendthrift in that
mans land unless he owned a string
Of coal cars for a pocketbooE.
J Manderink thumbs the bones, fin
gers 'em and then palms 'em 10 get
! en- warm Let's EN- go and the Buff
read the verdict.
Two aces. Just two liz dots.
Buffalo grins and reaches for the
! bones. He knew he was as safe as
Home Guard on this toss. He rubbed
| 'em with the fur. and just as he threw
'em the Chink gargled something else
! that sounded like a bear down a
! dumbwaiter shaft
Buff looks at his toss.
One bone was a spot and the other
| was a blank.
| Buff looks at the Chink and The
| Chink looks at him. The Chink hands
! him a card. Bun reads il.
Ching Ling Foo.
! Bun is back home now and the
needles still have him. But he wears
a big pair Of boxing gloves so that
he can't ever pick up another bone.