South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-04-06
MAN IN THE STREET


Washington rules that conhscated
whisky can be sold by the govern
ment in dry states. Auctioneer Huns
berger. liberty-loving patriots are
listening intenly for your: How
much am l offered, gentlemen"
The moment that the Lord created
Eve it became absolutely certain
that mans cerebral equipment would
never become permanently inert for
lack of something to think about.
Still, We fancy when St Peter
stands at the gate and tells the as
sembled host TO fall in line and come
forward. society will find that ne is
not going 20 ask them how much
they had, but rather what they did
with il?
OF course. il boishevism were
merely wanting more it wouldn't be
so bad. But IL seems 10 be wanting
more without doing any work 10 get
IL. And that is not a very good sys-
tenn in this vicinity.
If one OF the "he" persons of the
human race manages to grow up
and can rightfully claim TO be a gem
tleman. he has lived to some pur-
pose even if he hasn't hogged the
per capita of many of his neighbors.
OF course, after she has settled
down into the job of taking care of
her dimpled little baby, the young
mother is as sure as shooting that
her job beats the presidency of the
Society for the Uplift of the Es-
quimauX.
The anti-tObaccO reformers in New
York have commenced 10 collect
funds for their campaign. The time
may come when reform will be con-
sidered something to try on ones
self instead of ones neighbor But
not soon.
If we might arrange ii so that we
should arise by solar time. eat by the
new time and go TO bed when there
was nothing else to do-that would
be about satisfactory.
If you are willing TO work an ak,
saw, pick. shovel. hoe or pillow you
can get what is necessary without
stealing it,
The hobble skirt
Seen on the street
Makes Nan and Myrt
Look mostly feet.
They have TO hop
Onto a car,
Then off they flop
And there they are;
Some day they'll "Bing'"
And bite the dust
And then something
Is gonna bust.
BY the time the American patriot
pays the third installment OF his in
come tax we suspect he will be al
most ill-natured enough to kick his
dog.
Love is a state of heart" says
Laura Jean Libbey. State? Why
Laura Jean, isn't il rather an en-
pire, a continent or a planetary unit
without horizon, circumference or
diameter? Indeed. isn't it imbued
with majesty or universal sweep
needless of time or space?
When an up-to-date young mar
ried woman knows how TO diet a
husband and is willing to let nature
superintend the diet of her baby, our
money goes on the proposition that
she is going 10 be a success from
the hallelujah of life TO it's doxology.
A Missouri man. whose mule
kicked his wife on the chin. causing
her to bite off the end OF her tongue.
refuses 81 900 for the animal The
law ought 70 take it away from him
and pass it around.
A Wyoming judge has decided that
"a man has fun rights in his own
home against everybody but his
VIE. DOt'SI any 1901 KNOW LndA
who has ever been married as long
as a week.
The Columbia Record suggests
'rot-gut whisky" as a rhyme for
"bolsheviki" But the rhine is i'm
possible until the persons drinks the
whisky and then attempts 70 pro-
nounee bolsheviki
Stanley Mcintosh was born among
the fast horses in the blue grass
region OF Kentucky. The biographer
Of his family says he is a direct
descendant of the notorious McIn-
tosh. head OF the band Of raiders
who with Paul Jones fed 70 this
country from Scotland after robbing
the Earl OF Selkirks castle. near the
town OF Kircudbright, better known
as Whisky Jean" While still in
I knee breeches Stanley developed
wonderful newspaper talent which
found scope by his appointment as
sporting editor OF the War Cry for
that section in which he lived. he
lasted three issues. Although the de-
mand for copies of the War Cry con
tanning his articles was prodigious
/ thrOuChout Kentucky Cor,r,arder