The Coconino sun., 1919-10-17

marched the boys to Possum Bend on Sqvander Creek, where we stood our ground bravely and never ran until we had to, and then we ran like sixty.
 "The next fall 1 was promoted to commissary general, which position l filled to my credit, because l fed the boys well on coon meat, yaller yams, and Johnny cake.
 After the war was over I turned up at Scrabble Creek Junction, Ar kansaw, where l lived on possum meat and turnip up to few months ago.
 And, my son, when the recent old World Scrap clumb over the horizon, he went overseas where he spent the most of his time interrogating the | gals of France. Since the war he has been promoting colonizing scheme to colonize the Conjumwambo Noun tains, which are extremely fertile. The principal products are Sguirzes roots, which when ground fine, resem- ble oatmeal. It was shipped in large quantities as government diet to the regulars in our unpleasantness with Spain. It has just been discovered by a medicine man, Chief G and Come Quick, that the Squirzes is a power ful antidote for any poison and has been successfully used to counteract the latest political disease.
 "Now, concerning my nomination and election, l promise you, feller cit izens, that if 1 am elected to the high position of city dog pelter won't get stuck up over it. You know there are some--when they get elected to high, important and payin' positions, begin to get stuck-up and proud, and won't concilliate with their poorer neigh bors. Why, I knowed man back in Arkansaw who was just a one-gal- lussed farmer like myself, who ct corn bread and taters and drank sas safras tea and smoked cob pipe; but after while the postmaster gen eral appointed him postmaster of the little town of Hardscrabble, at sal ary of $3.50 per quarter, and he at wunst commenced wearing two gal lusses and paper collar and smoking seegars, and his daughter Sal bought a four-dollar yaller dsess and some store shoes, and they quit associating with ennybody but themselves.
 But, feller citizens, ain't built that way. When my uncle's wife's second husbands step-uncle was elect ed justice of the peace in Sickskiller township, me nor my folks didn't get stuck up over tive wore homespun jeans and one galluss just as if none of our kin had been elected to high and exhaulted persishuns, and prom ise you, most worthy constituency, upon my honor, that if I am elected to the honorable persishun of city dog pelter and get to drawing my little old $7.37 month, won't get highfalu- tin and quit consolidating with the commonest cuss among you. That ain't my style.
 "No matter how rich I get expect to be jist a plain everyday one-gal- lussed citizen, without any stuckup- nesses or high-falutin' noshins about me.
 And, in conclusion, I hope you'll all, every mother's son of you, and daughter, too, first make me your can didate for city dog pelter and then see to it--see to it, say--that am elected to the office by majority of plurality that will make the other candidate go bag his head. Gentle men and ladies, when the votes are all counted---and some of them counted two or three times-I want to be per mitted to say, as did Dionashius the Greek poet: 'Hostibus, omnibus, for tissimeris, octopus that is, the. one gallussed, lick-skilleted Arkansawyer is ahead of the band wagon, and the stuck-up rooster with the russet shoes and celluloid collar is on the run. "