Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1919-05-08

You may gather from the above that Slim
was greatly abashed by our silent denuncla-
ton OF his conduct. We say silent denuncla-
ton" because, as you will remem Der we with
held our opinion while awaiting those OF less
radical contribs. We have received few, to-
wit:
Sir: The questionable conduct of the con-
trib YOU had reference to the other day strikes
me as remarkable. l had no idea there were
any of us capable of engineering coup de
etat Let us hear more Of this mysterious
sir. Of course YOU have no idea who the
person might be of whom you spoke the other
day when you said: "Contr1bs IN general and
Slim in Particular" NeitheF-have l. n. b.
millionaire Sues Wife of 24'"-Herald-Ex-
aminer headline Mormanism seems to be gain
ing in Chicago.
In the Home.
She: Say, that really is nice thing she's
singing now. What's thaFout OF?
He: "Out of tune"
SODA SPEAK.
Sir: have heard that the soda water men
are preparing to fight the new luxury tax
Could one refer to that as a popular move?
PB.
Laying all prejudices aside for the moment
II doesn't appear probable that even a rabid
prohibitionist could stand the sight OF seem g
battleship christened with bottle of near
beer
BUT why they have always insisted on
christening a new ship with perfectly good
champagne is beyond reason, in view OF the
fact that they all take to water Immediately
afterward.
THE VICTIM.
A member of congress from New England
undertook to raise a sum OF money Tor char-
table purpose, and, in order to collect as much
money as possible he wrote eloquent letters
of appeal to his wealthiest constituents. From
one of them he received the following heart
breaking reply:
Il have your letter requesting a donation
for what you consider very worthy cause.
fatter myself that L have a spirit OF loyalty
and generosity. l have contributed to each
! and every object that has been presented to
me, but have to decline helping your cause
along for the following reasons:
II have been held up, held down, sand
bagged walked on, sat on, rolled over. fat
tened out and squeezed; first by the United
States government for federal war tax, the
excess profits tax, the Liberty loan bonds and
the bonds of matrimony; in New Jersey for
the state tax, the highway tax, the income tax,
school tax, cat tax, and syntax. and every So
ciety and organization the inventive mind of
man can invent to extract what you may or
may not possess, from the Society of John
the Baptist, the wifeless, the husbandless, the
chidless, the constituencies, the navy league,
the Red eros, the green cross, the double cross,
and every other cross of all colors and by the
children's home, the Dorcas society, and the
hospital
: One OF my mills burned down, the hen
house and board walk blew away, and because
l. will not sell all that have to go beg, Dor
row, and steal, l have been cussed and dis
cusscd boycotted, talked to and talked about,
lied to and lied about, held up, hung up, robbed
and nearly ruined, and the only reason l am
cinging, to life is to what in hell is comm g
next"
It's candid opinion that General Sher-
man didn't know anything about the horrors
, Of peace.
WE USUALLY SAY 1T THE FIRST WAY
Sir: On a box of matches of the s. c. safety
variety, which dropped two pennies in a slot
to obtain today, these two words are printed
Damp proof" After repeating it to myself
half a dozen times and getting nothing more
out Of it than Dam pproof or Damp roof 1
decided to submit it to YOU What's the answer ?
H. G. G.
Having digested the digest of the peace
treaty we struck with the not altogether
dispfeasing thought that about all the Germans
will have left to them is the air in their i'm
mediate vicinity and they'll have to get per-
mission every time they want to take breath
of it.
OF course you read all the peace treaty.
- o. d. X.