The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-09-18

who gets caught. (P. S. This las
paragraph is superfluous' as most O
you are past the age when such ad
vice appeals to you.)
This bein' the tale of shirt it will
be a short one, which is to say that
by very strict economy (and goin
hungry saved money to buy q
shirt. | went into a store, flashed
my roll and said, I'D like to look al
your shirts" The clerk was lady
She blushed, but was game and asked
what model, please?'' why" SEE l,
"Iol2, if you have one" ANY other
specificati ons?" she asked. NO.
SEE |, Just the kind you always. re-
tail" She then asked me, how long
do you want it," Why" seq /.
lust as long as it will last" l have
worn the one l.have on longer than
that. open front or back she
asked, and SEE, "Yes'm.' "Whatcha
mean, 'yesm nj says she flarin' up.
Why, both" SEE | and--but l said
tbs was to be short tale of a shirt
n. ST. have the shirt to prove that
the tail is short one.)
| don't use shock absorbers on my
set of them to use when | 60 to the
meat shop for two bits worth OF
ivcr-yas.
Lord help the rich,
1 he poor can beg
We can still afford
\ ginger jagg .------=~.-.
"Deranged Man Has Wife
Headline. Now just wonder ii
that is how he happens to have
wife or happens to be deranged,
which?
They say that the hair OF a dog is
good for his bite. Yes, mebbe so,
but nevertheless, however although
but, it don't necessarily follow that
the hair of the churner is good for
the butter. rs man to man, now,
does it?
If man wore as few clothes on
the street as woman he'd be arrest
ed. Yes, but at that man has tine
advantage of woman. If he dis
covers hole in his stockin' he can
it-WclL?
Verify times (and folks) do change.
People used to believe the story OF
George Washington and the cherry
tree. They don't any more. cit
never happened) Quite few folks
don't believe Jonah swallowed the
whale. II don't either.) Job is said
to have been the most patient man.
THAT was before | arrived).
When the frost is on the pumpkin
And my coal is in the bin
N-sh-s s-zt-zN zteszt sh-ss?
Watch me goin
China Must be Saved."-H eadiine.
BY golly, the Chinks will have to
look for somebody else to save en-,
than me. Looks now like me (and
some other big mcn) will have our
hands full hclpn' Woodrow save the
U. S.
The way in which automobile road
laws and the laws governing auto
driving are violated is shame and
disgrace. We have good laws, but
we need officers who have the quits
to enforce the laws. Not havin sucn
officers it becomes necessary for the |.
cornfed driver to protect himself and
hereby sound warning that tn
jay driver who runs into my car or
the road hog who forces my car into
ditch does SO at his peril and he
Tor they are goin to be the most
delapidated and discouraged disen,-
bodied spirits who ever applied to St.
Peter for admission to the great
white way. have spoken.
One night recently l was called 10
the phone by some addlepate (who
refused to tell his name) and in
formed that he was goin' to institute
suit for damages agin me becauset
his wife who was not very strong L
had thrown a fit Tor something) af-
ter readin' Sunbeams. | am careful
not to say anything to cause accident
but won't be responsible should
any occur. FolY of an excitable
nature, or who are afflicted with
heart trouble, hardening of the ar
teries or IMPROVING toenails shouldI
not read Sunbeams. They are mans
size and usually carry kick. Old
folks. children and weak minded folks
should not be permitted to read
them unless within reach of boss
doctor. This is not in any sense an
apology for Sunbeams (either before
or after takin). simply would
safeguard the public SO far as pos
isible. P. S. Cut this out. 1t won'tI
appeafagain.
appear again. Ut sure won't-Ed,l |.
Say. Jim" said friend of mine, I
what is an autocrat?" "Well, nowyg
sea, Il amt right sure, bat IL /
either = person who can afford porter /
house steak for breakfast (evesy
other mornin') or some sort Of fur
bearin' ANIMAL dunno which" III
Tother day chap said to ne
Jim, do you know7" snow stoWf,
that tall" SEE /. @Don't you knosf
that <. G. has adopted 40 ito sioGsaj,
do you know and that you are liicflt 1
70 Eet pulled { yoS say do you.kno I