davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
MUCH DIFFERENCE IN HUM0R
Brand Highly Thought OF in One coun-
try Is Not Always Appreciated
in Others.

When Coleridge said, mo mind is
thoroughly well organized that is de-
ficient in the sense of humor," he ex-
pressed a conviction that seems COM
mon to all civilized men, and makes
each nation take pride in it's humor
and perhaps suspect that other nations
enjoy a somewhat inferior brand. Yet
comparisons of humor shows, broadly
speaking, that the peoples of the world
are much alike. In the Tourist pub
lished in Tokyo, Japanese author, for
example, remarks that humor sis In
deed the flower of life, and life with
out it would be as dreary as spring
without its blossoms. To illustrate, he
translates. a number of japanese anec-
dotes, funny stories," as the United
States might call them, but one does
not smile over them. Neither, on sec
Ond thought, does one smile over many
Of the ''funny stories" in American
magazines and newspapers. Humor
which really amuses is everywhere
rare and precious, a ''dower Of life,"
as the japanese gentleman POLITICALLY
puts it, but growing up in company
with a great many weeds.-Christian
Science Monitor.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
BUT HE WENT WITH SPEED
That Was About All Witness Cared
to Testify as to the Gait
of Defendant.

The trial was in the Marion circuit
court, on appeal from the police court.
where the defendant had been guilty
of violating a city ordinance prohibit
ing. the throwing of rubbish in the
streets, relates the Indianapolis News.
The charge had been preferred by
neighbor, who filed his affidavit set
ting forth that the defendant had will
fully, unlawfully and maliciously
thrown certain particles of glass into
the street in front of atlantis resi-
dence.
During the hearing of testimony in
the county court the defendants law
yer, with all sails set, let loose his
best line of cross-examination of the
complaining neighbOr.
"YOu say, Mr.. Witness" the lawyer
snarled, that you saw this defendant
throw some glass in front of your
house and then run back to his front
dOOr-you mean to tell this. court that
he ran or just simply walked fast?"
II guess 1 know when I see a man
rum" the witness half answered.
81 say, did he run or just walk
fast?" the attorney thundered.
Judge, your honor" the witness
excitedly replied, as he turned and
faced the judge, ''This here same law
yer made me a liar in police court.
He might for all 1 know gone sixty
miles an hour. 1 amt no judge OF
human nature"
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
Pacific Blockade.

"Pacific blockade" is a term invent
ed by Hautefeuille, the French writer
on international maritime law, to de
scribe a blockade exercised by a great
power for the purpose Of bringing
pressure to bear on a weaker state
without actual war. The pacific block.
ade has apparently established itself
as a legitimate means Of coercing d
weak power to observe its interna-
tiOnal obligations without resOrting to
war for that purpose. 1t Is a modern
development and has usually been the
act Of several powers acting in concert
1t was first employed in 1927, when
the combined fleets of Great Britain
France and Russia blOckaded a por-
tion of the Turkish coast. More re.
cent instances of its exercise were the
blockade of Crete by the powers in
1897, the blockade of Venezuelan ports
by Great Britain, Germany and Italy
in 1902 and of Turkish ports by the
powers in 1905.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
One or the other Imperative.

George had not been overland to
his wife when he left for camp. And
the prospects for his wife when he
returned were not any brighter when
she got this note from him:
''Them white folks here put some
sirup in my arms from the blood Of
a mad bull and a game chicken that
will make a niger fight a cannon
and 1 is already feeling like fighting.
When 1 comes home wild that fighting
blood in me, and finds out you amt
been doing right, watch out for
George; and 1 knows how big you
are"
The wife took the note to the judge
Of the county in which she lived.
''Well, Eliza," said the judge to the
colored wife, after he read the Lett
ter, "What can I do for you about
thisT'
"Judge," replied Eliza. "rs wan a
divorce er sum of dat sirup."
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
No Idle Chatter.

When a young girl was timid and
shy, and having attention directed to
me always caused me much embar'
rassment. One evening was invited
to a rather formal dinner party. All
the girls present were considerably
older than /, so I said nothing until
about the middle of the meal, although
the others were chatting in a desul-
tory manner.
Suddenly a young woman sitting at
my right turned to me with the ques-
ton: ''Don't you ever say anything?"
It seemed to me that the attention
of every one at the table was focused
on me, and blushing furiously, l stam-
mered: "Oh. yes, sometimes, when
there's something interesting to talk
about" A stony silence greeted my
remark.-Chicago Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
Sung by Request.

They were having a company sing
in a "Y" building. The song leader,
a lieutenant, asked If there was any
particular song the men wished to
sing.
The company funny boy, thinking to
produce a laugh, yells out: Lets sing
Molly, get the hammer, there's a fly
on baby's head"
every WELL" said the lieutenant; /;
suppose you come up and sing it a
few times, so that we may learn it."
And, amid jeers Of his companions,
he was forced to get up before the
company and sing that single line
over and over again, making up the
tune as he went.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
What Is Rlaaest woodcock2

What is said to be the heaviest
woodcOck was one shot by Arthur
Duane near Whittaker's, L. l., about
thirty years ago. The woOdcock was
mounted by Bell, the leading taxider-
mist Of the day, but unfortunately it
was later on destroyed by moths.
This woodcock was weighed on a
druggists scales at Southampton and
weighed exactly IA ounces. There are
several witnesses living who can tes-
tify as to the weight. The naturalists
give the average weight of woodcock
as ranging from five to nine ounces.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
THE MOST
DANGEROUS DISEAS

No organs Of the human body are so
frnportant to health and long life as the
Kidneys. When they slow up and COM
mence to lag in their duties. look out!
Find out what the trouble is-Without
delay. Whenever you feel nervous,
weak. dizzy, suffer from sleeplesSness,
or have pains in the back-toGke up
ct once. Your kidneys need help These
are signs to warn you that your KID
neys are not performing their 1unc-
tions properly. They are only halr
doing their work and are allowing I'M
purities to accumulate and be convert
Cd into uric acid and other polsons,
which are causing you distress and VIII
destroy you unless they are driven
from your system.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16
Smoking a Cause of Cancer.

Cancer of the mouth in civilized
countries has been greatly reduced by
good dentistry. Eighty7fve per cent
Of the cancers of the lip occur in
smokers. Formerly clay pipes, which
became very hot, were much used, and
there has been notable reduction in
the number of cancers Of the lip since
the clay pipe has gone out of fashion.
Smoking, however, is the cause of
most cancer Of the lip, the tongue and
the floor Of the mouth.-Maj. W. ].
Mayo. War Department Lectures.
Smyrna times., 1919-07-16

Get some GOLD MEDAL Haasl.,
Capsules at once. They are an Ola
preparation used all over the w.!
centuries They contain only o1s
ioned, soothing oils combineS
strengthening and system-cls. u
herbs, well known and used bv
clans in their daily practice ~
MEDAL HARLEM Oil Capsules y.
ported direct from the labOratot
Holland. They are convenient "
and will either give prompt rssS
your money will be refunded. S$t
them at any drug store, but be ~
get the original imported NJ
MEDAL brand, Accept no euhs,s
In sealed packages. Three sizes
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
CHAPTER v.
A Game of Checkers.

The uneasy mood of the desert. the
wind-blown sand. drove people indoors
the next morning. Richard was served
a substantial. indifferently cooked
breakfast in the dining room of the
Desert hotel, whose limitations were
as conspicuous TO the newcomer as
they were nOnexistent to the other
men. They were finding 1t a soft con-
trast TO sand-blown tents. to life in the
open.
Later he wandered through the
group of staring idlers in the office.
past the popular sod stand and the
few chair-tilters on the sidewalk, go
ing on, as If without purpose, to the
railroad sheds, and then on, down to
the offices of the Desert Reclamation
company. He discovered it to be the
n engaging spot in the hastily
thrown-together town. There were
oleanders. rose and white, blooming in
the patch of purple blooming alfalfa
that stood for q lawn. Morning-glories
clambered owe the supports of the
veranda, n on over the roof. Rick
ards deductions led him to the Har-
dins.
What school of experience had so
changed the awkward country fellow?
He had resented his rivalry, not that
| he was a rival, but that he was Il boor.
His kisses still warm on her lips. and
she had turned to welcome, I o coquet
with Tom Hardin The woman who
was to be his wife must be steadier
than thatl 1t had cooled his fever.
N-~t Cor him tho ocpnn vrha Gould
| shake and bend her pretty boughs to
each rough breeze that blew!
Men tossed into a desert, fighting to
keep d foothold. do not garland their
offices with morning-glories! Was it
the gracious quiet influence of Il wife,
a Gerry Hardin? The festive build
ing he was approaching was as unex-
pected-as Captain Brandoni Richard
walked on. smiling.
He was fairly blown into the outer
room. the door banging behind him.
Every one looked up at the noisy inter
| ruption. There were several men in
the long room. Among them two alert.
clean-faced youths, college graduates.
or students out on furlough. the kind
of stuff in his class at Lawrence. Three
of the seasoned, r~oad-coached type
were leaning their chairs against the
cool thick walls. One was putting at
a cigar. The other. a big. shy giant,
was drawing clouds of comfort from a
pipe. There was u telegraph operator
at work in n end of the room, her
instrument rapidly clicking. In an OPP
posite corner was a telephone ex-
change. A girl with a metal band
around her forehead was punching
connections between the valley towns.
Richard lost the feeling OF having
gone into Il remote and isolated re-
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
RABELAIS PROVED A PROPHET
Events He Recorded, in Tale Tpr the
Nursery, Have Now Beceae
Assured Facts.

When Pantagruel took leavts sof the
good G%argantua. his royal fathtr. and
took shipping at the port of Tsalassa
for Catay, in upper India, he completed
in four months the voyage which IL
took the Portuguese three years TO
complete. says the Christian Science
Monitor. Many leagues then lay be-
tween father and son, but they COM
m~unicated. That is the point in turn
ing over the leaves of the cures book
at this hour. when the dream of the
dominion of the air. which has haunted
the imaginations of men for centuries,
has come true. Pantagruel. busily
making purchases at the fair some
where in Asia, hears q joyful cheer
and sees that one of his fathers adj
vice boats has arrived-"that Ship was
light as a Lark, so that it seem'd rather
to fly or the Sea than to sail"
PantagrueI asked Malicorn, the bear
er of dispatches. whether he had Con
zal. the heavenly messenger. "eYes.
Sir, here it is swadled up in this Bas-
ket.' 1t was a grey Pigeon which Pan
tagruel caus'd to be undressed and a
white Ribbon ty'd to its Feet. The
Pigeon presently flew away and in
we hours it compass'd the air. and
~Gargantua, hearing it had Il white rib
bon on, was joyful and secure in his
sons welfare" That is Radicals lit
tie story, a tale for the nursery. but
with all the potentialities which, in the
fullness of time, have been realized.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
CHAPTER iV-continued.

"Bath right across the hall. Only
room left i'm the house" The proprietor
awarded him the valley stare. Going
10 be here IOug?" He passed the last
key on the rack to the darby stagger-
ing under a motley of bags and suit
cases. Richard recognized his, and fol-
lowed.
II may get you another room tOmor-
row. called the proprietor after him
as he climbed the dusty stairs.
The signals Of a new town were
waving in the dining room. The ma
FORTY of the citizens displayed their
shirt sleeves and unblushing suspend
ers. one large table was surrounded
by men in khaki the desert soldiers,
engineers. The full blown Mattresses,
deliberately pOmpadoured. were push
ing through the s~wing-doors, carrying
heavy trays. Coquetry appeared to be
their occupation. rather than meal
serving. the diners accepting both varie-
ties Of attention with appreciation. The
supremacy of those superior maidens
was menaced only by two other wom-
en- who sat at n table near the door.
Richard did o see them Mt first. The
room was rs masculine as a restaurant
in a new mining town.
Richard left his indoor view TO look
through the French windows opening
on a side street. He noticed a slender
but regular procession. All the men
passing felI in the same direction.
Cocktail route explained one of
his Deighbors. his mouth full of boiled
best.
"Oyster %cocktnil?" smiled the new
conner.
"The real thing! CaleXico's dry. like
the whole valley, that is. the county.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14

get out of the room. Ogilvie had Wis
IDLY withered. a blight seemed to fall
on him as his white, blue-veined fin
gers made a bluff among his papers.
THANK YOU" Richard nodded at
MacLean, who burst into the outer Of
flee.
Its the new general manager from
Tucson-Rickard's his name" Bis
whisper ran around the walls of he
room, where other arrivals were tilt
ing their chairs. 1.-The new general
manageri Ogilvie woozled for moth
ing. You should have seen his c J!
"Did anyone know that he was COM
ing?' Silent. the tanned giant, spoke.
"That's Marshall all over" said
| Wooster. bright-eyed and why, re-
moving his pipe. He likes to m0ye in
a mysterious way his wonders 60 per-
form. (Used TO sing that when l was
a kidD No announcement. Simply,
Enter Rickard.'"
"More like this" said Silent. exit
Hardin. Enter Ogilyie. Enter Rick
ard"
"And exit Ogilvie," cried MacLean.
Its Add shame" burst out
Wooster. No one asked him what he
meant. Every man In the room was
thinking of Hardin, whose shadow this
reclamation work was.
whats Richard doing?" asked the
infantile Hercules at the ch~eckerboard.
The force called him Pete. which was
a short cut to Frederick Augustus
Bodefeldt.
Taking Ogilvie's measure"-this
from MacLean.
''Then he's doing something else by
this time. That wouldn't take him five
minutes unless he's a gull" snapped
Wooster, who hated Ogilvie as a rat
doeS q snake.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14


His sarcasm was lost IN trsuxit
Ogilvie said that Mr. RickarS wouid
not be in his way. He would move
his papers into the next o tomof-
row.
The engineer moved TO the French
windows that opened on tile alfalfa
lawn. A vigorous growth OF willows
marked the course of New river.
which had cut SO perilously near the
towns 4 letter "b." picked o in
quick river vegetation. told the story
Of the flood. The old channel-there
it was. the curved arm of the 81 n
could tell that by the tall willows-had
been too t%ortuous. too slow for those
sweeping waters. The flow had di-
vided, cutting the stem of the letter.
carrying the flood waters swifter
down grade. The flow had divided
Inn divided perhaps the danger too!
An idea in that, He would see that
better from the water tower he'd spied
at entering. Another flood, and a
gamble whether Mexicali or Calexico
would get the worst of ii. Unless one
was ready. A levee-weSt of the
American town.
Excuse me, sir-do you need meT"
He turned back into the room. He
could see that MacLean was aching to
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
A NURSE IN FOUR WARS
English Woman, Veteran of Many
Previous Campaigns, Served in
World Struggle.

Mrs. Teresa Eden Richardson. who
died recently at Bath. England. was a
worker in the hospitals of four wars.
She held the South African medal, the
Order of the Crown of Japan, the Jap
anese Red Cross Order of Merit. two
Greek medals and the 1914 Star.
During the South African war. says
he London Times, Mrs. Richardson
nursed at a hospital at B~loemfontein.
when the epidemic of enteric fever
tried TO the utmost the OF
the medical staff. Afterward, through
he Japanese minister, II was at
tached to the Red Cross society or
.Janan during the war with Russia.
Later she nursed at Athens during
the war between Greece and Turkey,
and when the present war broke out.
being then sixty-eight years old. she
went to Brierfort. near Brussels. After
the German armies had occupied that
place she nursed at one OF the s
pitfalls of Antwerp throughout the bonn
bardment, she and her maid being the
only persons who remained at her ho-
tel. Mrs. Richardson was d Of the
last TO leave the town, escaping down
the Scheldt in q coal barge crowded
with refugees. The %privation endured
at his period seriously affected her
health and she was compelled to bar
don further attempts to render help
in Red Cross hospitals in London and
Nice.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14

handed by lackeys? Richard had al
ways acted as if it had been something
to be ashamed of. 1t made him sick.
They've done it this time. It's a
fool choice"
Again, that look of pleading from In
mes. Gerty had a shiver of intuition.
Fool choice?" Her voice was omi-
nously calm.
Hardin shook of lines eyes. Better
be done with it, Hes the new gen.
eral manager"
Hes the general manager!"
I'm TO take orders from him"
Gerty's silence was of the stunned
variety. The Hardins watched her
crumbling bread on the tablecloth.
thinking, fearfully. that she was going
to cry.
Didn't I tell you?" Her voice. re-
pressed. carried the threat of tears.
Didn't 1 tell you how it would be?
Didn't l say that you'd be sorry if you
called the railroad in?"
Mus we go over this again?" asked
her husband.
why didn't you tell me? Why did
you let me make a goose of myself?"
She was remembering that there had
been no protest, no surprise from In
mes. She knew A family secret !
She shrugged. I'm glad, on the whole,
that you planned it as a surprise. For
carried it off as if we'd not been in
suited, ~disgraced."
Gerry - expoStulated Hardin.
"Gerty !" implored InneS.
And we are in for a nice friendly
dinnerI"
Are you quite anished?' Hardin
got up.
As the three passed out of the dining
room, Richard caught their several eX-
p~ressions: Hardin's stiff, Indifferent /;
Gerty's brilliant but hard, as she
flashed n finished, brave little smile in
his direction. The sisters bow was
distinctly naughty.
In the hall, Gerty's laugh rippleG
out. 1t was the laugh Richard remem-
bered, the light frivolous cadence
which recalled the fiamboyant pattern
of the Holmes parlor carpet. the long.
crowded dining table where Gerry had
reigned. 1t told him hat she was in
different to his coming, as she meant
it should. And it turned him to
a dark corner in the hOneysuckle-
draped porch where he had spent so
many evenings with her, where once
he had held her hand, where he told
her that he loved her. For he had
loved her, or at least he thought he
had And had run away from her ex-
pectant eyes. A cad, was he, because
he had brought that waiting pol into
her eyes, and had run from it?
Should a man ask a woman to give
her life into his keeping until he is
quite sure that he wants it? He was
revamping his worn defense. Should
ho live mp TO n minute of surrender, of
tenderIless, if the next instant brings
sanity, and disillusionment? He could
bury now forever self-reproach. He
could laugh at his own vanity. Gerry
Hardin. it was easy to see, had forgot
ten what he had whispered to Gerry
Holmes. They met as sober old
friends. That ghost was laid.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14

the Overland Pacific system. He was
not the sort of man a son could speak
lightly of d~isobeying.
"Of course everyone calls me Jun
ior."
81 guess you'll go back if he wants
you to-" smiled Richard
"Oh. but what a rotten trick it
would be-" exclaimed the son of tie
man of iron. "To throw me out of
college, was daffy to finish with my
class, and to get me here, to get me in
terested-and then after I've lost my
place to pull me back. Why, there are
things happening every day that are a
liberal education. They are only just
beginning to understand what they are
bucking up against The Colorado's
an unknown Gunntity even old engi-
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14

See that ditch? That Is Mexico, on
the other side. Those sheds you can
see are in Mexicali. Calexico's twin
sister. That painted adobe Is the Gus.
tom house. Mexicali's not dry, even in
summer You can bet your life or
that. You can get all the bad whisky
and stale beer you've the money to
buy. We work in CalexicQ, and drink
in Mexicali- The temperance pledge Is
Kept better in this town than any other
town in the valley. But you can see
this procession every night"
The Amazon with n handkerchief
apron brought Richard his soup. HI
was raising his first spoonful 10 his
mouth when he saw the face, carefully
averted. of the girl he had met at the
Marshalls' table. Innes Hardin. His
eyes jumped to her companions, the
man = stranger, and then. Gerry
Holmes At least. Mrs. Hardin Some
how. ii surprised him To find her pretty.
She had achieved a variety of dis
tinction. preserving, moreover, the
clear-cut babyish chin which had made
its early appeal 10 him. There was the
@ANt hGtAS AsAAf u AihSiCt Al ~
fetal to his more sophisticated eyes.
the same well-turned nose. He had
been wondering about his meeting; he
found that he had been expecting some
sort of shOck-who said that the love
of today is the jest OF tomorrow? The
discovery that Gerty was not a jest
brought the surprised qualification
which We award n letter or composition
written in our youth. Were we as
clever as that. so complete at eighteen
or t~wenty-one? Could we, now, with
ali L experience. do n better, or in
decd as well? That particular sen
tence with wings! Could we make it
fy today rs it scared yesterday? Rick
ard was finding that Gerty's more ma
tu.o charms did not accelerate his
heart-beats, but they were cerainiy
fiafterilS TO his early Judgment. Ann
ha1iad expected Ser to be a shock
He was staring into his plate
chilled u Calf-love! For he had
loved her. or at least he hTff loved her
chin. her pretty chiIdish way Of lifting
IL. SIZE was prettier than he had pic.
tured her. Queer that a man like Ha--
din could draw such women for sistnr
and wife-the blood tie was the most
amazing. Fer when women come to
ncrrv thev make ofton a ouecr choice
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
Calls for Bio Expenditure

If plans for staEdardiZing the gauge
of the railways, of Australia as recon-
msnded by the chief engineers of the
different lines be carried OFT it will
mem an expenditure of 5 G.oOO.OUO.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
Carrier Pigeons on Job.

In spite of the competition of wire
less, carrier pigeons have not lost their
job. They are carrying messages faith
fully for French and British naval air
men.
The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1919-03-14
HOW WILL GARDIN AND HIS WIFE RECEIVE HIM?-RlCKARD
is NOT LEFT LONG IN DOUBT.

Synopsis-K. C. Richard. a engineer of the Overland Pacific rail-
road. is called to the office Of President Marshall in Tuscon. .Arfz While
waiting Richard reads a report on the ravages # the Colorado river.
company Hardin had been a student under Richard in IN eastern col
leEe ad had married Gerty Holmes. with whom Richard had fancied h
ws in love Marshall tells Richard the Overland Pacific must step in to
save the Imperial valley and wishes to send Richard to take charge.
Richard declines because he foresees embarrassment in supplanting
Hardin. but is over Ifckard goes to CaIexico and. O the way
learns much about Hardin and his work.