The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-03-18
WISE, WISE, WHO'S GOT WISE?
Or HOW TO GET RACK HOME

choose tells you to turn to your left
until YOU come to the stairs, then as
cend three fights and turn to your
left again: one turn to the right and
two more to the left and you'll find
the passport bureau "toot sweet"
The fact that he tells you this in
rapid French helps a whole lot.
At the head of the third fight you
make inquiry again--you being a
stupid old thing,--and a little French
man with a waxed mustache kindly
All, but that Frenchman will be a
humorist some day!
There at the end OF the corridor
YOU see a long line--a queue" the
French call it--inching patiently up
TO door through which one indi-
vidual passes about every ten min
utes. All, here you are. and tina.
ticket to London Will soon be pur-
chased
| It is O'Clock and you have fixed
belief that Office ahead Wonder Is
going to close at $50. That's the
treason you perspire freely while you
are moving ahead inch by inch as
Number % in the queue. How about
that ticket TO London, and can you
pack your trunk tonight and catch
inc cdtt ~ HiiiE tfaifi W NAVE
Dog License Bureau.
At 5:27 o'clock you are near enough
to the desired door to read the sign
| over the top Of it. This sign says
| something about "Chiens." Yes, in
| deed. II ia very explicit about chi
ems when you come to worry 1t out
with your limited knowledge of the
, language. lei in short. one procures
the license for ones "chien."
| Chen Is French for dog.
Didn't I tell you that little French
man with the waxed' moustache who
! directed YOU at the head of the third
I fight was humorist in the making?
OF course, by the time you have
dropped out OF the dog license line
and found the real passport place il
Is closed for tho night.
Ca fatt rien'" YOU say eheerfully
TO yourself meaning, why should
little things brother a tranquil soul ?"
Bright and early next morning you
nre down at the head of the line in
| the real passport section and get by
| all the guards in sraN time. You
find yourself inside the eacred portals
and standing respectfully before q
gentleman with lar"e beard which,
he has grown for The purpose OF
keeping the upper part 81 his body
warm. He glances casually over the
! assorted STAMPS on your passport
then in carefully selected English.
| ''Msieu. when are you leaving for
| England 2"
| Tomorrow" you chirp with child
| like confidence.
Bearded. Man Pinned.
| Tho gentleman with the overall
beard looks panied. Then his face
sof'ens in pity.
But m'sieu, Of, course you under
stand that without a. special letter
from your ambassador you cannot Sc
cure our wise inside Of ten days"
| Vainly YOU produce your pass to the
Hotel Critian. where the American
peace commission sits: the man with
! the forest prirneval Elance~ at the
pass unmoved. You show him your
stack OF bread cards. vour Masonic
travellers certificate the picture %
! your wife in the hack Of your watch
"a letter from your ambassa dor
m sieu.' signs the French gentleman.
F'ifty-two miles by taxi from the
prefecture to the embassy: two hours
wait 1873 miles back with a smash
lup and one Debated tire en- route.
but by that time the last person in
France wishing a wise on his passport
has crowded before the door of the
passport section. Then Is when you
dig into the old pocketbook. with
drawing five-franc note. That little
guy over there--the one With the
wistful spaniel eyes and the braid on
his collar--him you approach with q
tired smile of comradeship and the
fivef franc nora. A swift pass Of hands
and inside Of three minutes you are
shouldertng your way through an In
dignant press about the door and ana
yourself once more before the con-
cealed gentleman who IL still In hid
Ing.
Hopes 70 Find Forgery.
He signs as very reluctantly he
reads what your ambassador has said
about your previous condition OF
moral probity. Then he examines all
Tho visex ON your passport-beEinninK
Mt Bordeaux ana running right along
to Maastrtcht. Holland. The gentle
man II searching for-and hopes he'll
ond degree, barratry In the frst, and
cnd degree. harratry In the first. and
wife beating on the side.
As sou watch that searching finger