South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-07-06

You know the old joke about
father being ordered by mother %
go out and ire the cook II was
always illustrated. There would 30
father standing tinidly in the
kitchen door ready 70 make his get
away on the instant. There would
be the cook, with a poker or a roll
ing pin, brutally refusing TO be
fred. And in the next picture
father would re-appear in the par
Tor, TO announce that the cook had
promised TO be good hereafter. and
so he had decided not TO IRE her.
That joke used TO have what the
draoatic critics call appeal. IN
other words, il was "a cross section
OF life" for in the dear dead days
beyond recall thinSs like that ac-
tually happened.
They don't any more. The Joke
is extinct. like the great aux. 1t Is
one OF two or three defuact jokes
that will never be resuTected.
For nobody fires cooks nowadays.
Firing cooks is wholly superogatory.
You hire a cook, nature takes its
course, and 10! she stands not on
the order Of her going, but goes OF
once, and neither father nor mother
is accessory before or after the fact.
II is my proud privilege to live
just across the street from one OF
the idle rich. In The elegant estap-
lIshment that he maintains. each
morning sees a cook employed. each
evening sees her go.
From my humble window. just
after the nine-four train from the
CITY arrives. I watch the chauffeur
driving into my neishbors estate
with a nice new cook safely be
slowed ir the limousine. Shortly
thereafter, his family, consisting Of
a wife, a brother-in-l law and four
lovely children, come out and picket
the gates. At noon, our time, l.
o'clock, if you don't believe in day
light saving, the cook comes out.
The picket stationed at the gate she
chooses for her exit stops her ana
reasons with her.
She Is offered more money, more
days out, more movie tickets, more
assistant cooks, housemaids and Sec
ond liris. one can sense these OF
fers without the gift Of lip reading
Nevertheless and Notwithstanding.
forth she goes. she seldom appears
10 DC angry, but she is always firm
can see, from my observation post
that she is not going TO listen 10 any
armistice terms or consent 10 any
two days extension. She IS simply
going SO the next day this pretty
domestic scene is enacted all over
again, only with different leading
lady in the cast.
Time was, in our glorious past.
when there existed The Woman Who
Knew Hon to Manage Servants. To
her household help she was like
lusty wiater. frosty but kindly
She never permitted them 70 pre-
sumo. She never allowed them TO
relax Every thing about her house
had 10 be done just so. Her do
mestic regulations made the laws OF
the AIedes and Persians look like
the rules Of a Dolsheviki conspiracy
Ton knew her, of course You re-
member the trim maid. that seemed
10 have walked right off the stage OF
a parior comedy 10 open the door
for YOU. You knew the jewel VINO
cooked for her. ana VINO would
rather die than permit one spear
OF macaroni 10 portrude through the
golden crust of cheese that covered
il. You knew the spotless floors
the shining door knocker. the dust
less rugs, the glitteung cooking
utensils that hung in the immacu-
late kitchen pantry
But you are going 10 forget these
things. For the Woman Who Knew
How 10 Manage Servants has be-
come the Woman Who Used 20
Know How TO Manage Servants.
II was hard 70 convince her that
her knowledge had departed, but
she is convinced now. and for all
time. Up 70 a couple OF years a-so
she still sought 10 be stern. though
1ust. and keep servants in their
places. she still tried 10 go the
rounds OF her house like gang
foreman. and with a sharp reouke
here and a word Of commentator
there keep them hustlins.
But OF a sudden she discovered
that both praise and blame fell on
cold ears. Then IL became appar-
ent that while praise would be en-
dured. blame would not The chidei
servant merely repaired 10 her
suite with BATH, in the third story.
hacked her bag and left. either by
The front or tack door as suited her