Free trader-journal. (Ottawa, Ill.) 1916-1920, 1919-02-04
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
The Benevolent
Incendiary
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OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Il have invented the finest camel"
began the girl who likes to talk. And
I'm the only person on earth PLAY ns
II, You can't imagine how many spare
minutes Il illumines and how much
destruction | wreak doins Il.
When I'm in d house that | don't
like set my mind to picking out all
the things | think don't belong. burn
EN- ap and relurnish the place. | MAY
be beaming at my hostess in the most
approved fashion ali the while and
She hasn't the slightest idea thal Oh d
large and thriving bonfire | am pilinS
her SOFA cushions. the dinky oimolu
table. several vases and most Ot her
pictures and every last one OF hel
table covers. When 90 ava! she Is
living in a perfectly proper sort OF
room only she doesn't know 1t.
Il started On this destructive career
in the days when lived IN the same
town with my Grandmother \ friend
Of minr and myself often went thcyu
til the front door had CLOSED behind
US before we were al IL.
Now, where shah VIC begin?' Dora
would cry. 1 move we burn The whole
place. Certainly the Swiss chalet that
your relatives copied because they
liked one they saw in Switzerland Is
very much out Of place on Dinsmore
street which is hat as a pancake and
has elm trees.
No, | would interrupt, i cant
have grandfather and Grandmother
thrown out that way. They may keep
their ridiculous chalet because The!
are leading citizens and must be hu
mored-6ut wen burn up every last
thing inside!'
THANK goodness Dora would
gasp reIicyl i!y, i Simply cannot ch
dure 4hat oyrved .oscwood ia, los "a,
upholstered in yellow brot Dc,
know that rosewood is worth us
weight in gold, hut not when it's
stuck all over with dreadful carvings
that can only be busted with the Md
OF a cold chisci and a pneumatic gun.
Yes. the parlor set must go.
And the engravinss Of Washing
ton navigating the Delaware and The
group Of petrilied human beings
signing something IN Drlsarte att'-
tudcs!
And The Brussels rug with the
cabbage roses---
And the dining room set in blond
oak, althe the room is finished IN ma
hogany, and the CASTER
And all those dewdads in the
spare room embroidered in DAISIES
and the bathroom because the shower
is built TO drown a person. not to be
used. really.
And all those cabinets on The stair
landing filed with shells and pieces
OF rocks and china cats and dogs, and
all the tied-back lace curtains and
the
The framed photographs OF Cou.
sin Lucy and her nine children, and
the Dubbses in their wedding clothes
and
And the parrot would interrupt
firmly or course, III choroform it
first because am humane person,
but | simply despise that moth.eatEn
bird which only yells and shricks and
will not be induced to join in pleasant
afternoon tea conversation. No. Polly
goes on the bonfire
Well. it's just as we'll, Dora would
agree, Only we might give her TO
somebody we hate. Shall we leave the
barn which they have no use for and
which looks as big as a grain elevator
back of that chalet? DO chalet people
have barns anyhow? Don't they stable
their goats and things in the SIDE of
the mountain
Before We had setLled this point
hich was complicated by the fact
my grandparents owned no goat-we
were always at Dora's house aud
had to 90 on before we had rcfurnish.
ed my grandparents home suitably,
thus leaving poor grandmother and
grandfather without one stick OF fur
niture
And l have kept UP the practice
Nothing SO depresscs my soul as 10
enter a pretty little cottage affair
which looks as tho its inside was filed
with gay cretonnes and wicker and
painted furnishings and find that the
wreteled owners have hearse like fur
niture. = 81 enough to fit the VATICAN
and enough for the tomb. And
tC. u poison to enter big, beau
ke with rooms just crying for
adam furniture and severe
one painting 20 a room ana
Sything-"
hyle' III said the patient listener. Il
'ade' mangely uncomfortable just
'rrespo' my possessions have vanish
licage-' Joke since you've sat herc?'
reproved the girl who
b OF tihllk. Il haven't any matches
arinical TODAY"
i'll atteS --------