Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-06-22
DOPEY DAN, AND LON
Secret Diplomacy.
BY W. H. CLAGETT.

Say, boss, what's this secret diplo-
macy thing hears SO much chatter
about?" asked Lon of Dopey Dan, as he
pulled out tn ''makin's."
"Why. lad" replied Dopey Dan.
secret diplomacy's just a quiet, pussy
footin'. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. style o
diplomacy, which, in tn sense you
means. is tn science of forms. ceri-
monies an methods to be attended to
in pullin' Off actual intercourse of one
state with another, through bony-fidy
But if that's a wee bit over your top
piece, diplomacy's tn art Of gettin' all
what's comm to you an about three
quarters of tn other guys to boot in
manner that makes him feel like you're
doin' him favor. A sort O. velvet kind
O. way Of convincin' a perfectly homes.
we'll meanin' representative that no
matter how hipped he might be on
argufyin' in tn open. it's dead against
From tn beginnin' of time up to
goin' to press. tn old world has been
tn homo address of all past masters
in tn art of secret diplomacy. an never
in history has there been a worth
while scrimmage. talkfest or war.
settled. that secret diplomacy amt been
tn chief cook an bottle washer Of tn
whole mess O. doin's. an whether or
not it's tn proper way of conductin'
such matters can only be judged by tn
condition of Europe at present.
But talks cheap, lad. an to get tn
best Of them versed in tn system amt
no easy ndertakin'! Take our highly
esteemed President, fr' instance. No
party ever sailed away from tn old
HnlL Of oil ryse,s~ 81
purpose or with mind more firmly set
as to just what he'd do to them Euro
pean diplomats than tn idol of tn
democrats an tn curber Of tn kaiser.
With his fourteen points tucked neat
1y away In his nifty III patent-leather
right in their den, an spreadin' his
hand. face up. on tn table, gamely bel
lowed out: wen, howdy va like 'at!'
Nine times outa ten tn sight Of
such a outlay would stagger TIL settlers
an make EN- quit cold. but for once.
our poor Ill lone President. with all Of
his open-face ideals, had run slap-bang
into one of tn slickest bunch O. diplo-
mats to be found in all Europe. These
wizards. though smaller. were cleverer
game with their own deck O. paste
boards had only to go easy an wait for
a openin'.
did they start any rough stuff to
aggravate his goat! They didn't-not!
Not that crew O. cherubs! But quickly
givin' his fourteen points tn once over.
they kissed him on both cheeks an
told him he win! Said that when it
come down to dopin' out points he was
regular papa-bear an made a show
Of his field, An while they'd been
monkeyin' with points for tn best part
Of their lives, never yet had they come
face to face with fourteen more just,
sane, respectable, straight from tn
shoulder points than tn tidy liz parcel
that he'd brought along. Then, havin
his point case properly rechecked. they
give him his claim ticket an prepared
for a blow.
"An' to prove absolutely that all tn
loose talk about uneasy rests tn head
that wears crown wasn't nothin'
more'n less than pure Thomas rot. they
dolled up palace for his own private
use. Handed him a season ticket for
all tn movies in Paris. put him wise
to a couple O. live ones that were run
min at Longchamps an fed him ice
wobbly. Then. when they felt certain
he was ripe for settin' they called an
other meetin' an went at it strong.
9TH brief case Of points was fetched
out In a 5ify, but, strange to relate,
OWN to tn excitement an hula baloo,
none Of tn delegates. includin' TIL
President. could exactly recall how
many points had been checked. TIL
Tiger o. France said he thought there
wasn't but six. while Lloyd George
claimed he 'rully couldn't remember!
But ruther than have any controversy
on tn subject, especially as all hands
had been messin' together. twas agreed
to assemble an write EN- up over. which