davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Summit Reached the
Summit of Boredom
On This Little Job .

A screech of terror from a robust
negro woman that had more gusto
to it than the squeals OF a pair of
healthy swine in sty, attracted the
attention of every woman, child,
tramp and policeman along S'teenth
street t'other day when a motor
cycle, bearing a couple of fierce
looking bolsheviki, with one holding
in his grasp the buxom wench. was
seen to skid through space. The
scene was more like a kidnapping
case than a pair of mere policemen
taking a suicide victim to a hospital,
as was learned afterward.
Policeman "Baldy" Summit, hold
ing the colored form, was the fall
guy" of the game. AS it was neces-
sary to rush the Amazon to a medi-
cal cave somewhere, the policeman
snatched at the chance of acting Sir
Walter Raleigh in the case. Straight
through the crowded streets the
driver of the police 10Y wagon"
hurried the 200 pounds of black
humanity. 4ounging gracefully in
SUBMITS lap, on her way to the
hospital.
Every one who knew me saw
me-" Summit said.
The policeman has been spending
the whole of his dinner hour ex-
planning to his gangs that he was
not out joyriding.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
lust One Whit Was
Enough for Judge as
"Jerry the Vag" Filed In

Though honored with the epithet,
Man of Mercy" Police Judge Fitz-
gerald overstepped that honor one
mornin' lawst week when he be-
slowed a Today jail sentence upon
an alleged vagrant before the un-
lucky wobbly loitered against the
As rule, a prisoner is allowed a
chance to make a plea, but when
Jerry, the Vag" emerged from the
bullpen with all the obnoxious per-
furne and yecky of a prize NAL
tese cat permeating the room from
his checkered vest, the police Judge
bawled out: "Snuff, 10 days"
1t was later learned that Court
Sergt. John Holden burned four
formaldehyde torches in suppressing
the perfunled aroma from Jerry,
the Vag's" loquacious vest.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

Shall we bow, salaam, call him
prince. baron or what? These are
questions which puzzled the asso-
ciates of w. H. Murray, assistant
general passenger agent of the
Union Pacific railroad.
For Mr.. Murray was recently the
recipient of a gold medal-medaille
dor, to be correct--from King Al
bert of Belgium. With the medal
came neat little note from the
king and Queen Elizabeth thanking
him for his kind services" while &C
companying them on their railroad
/ trip across the country.
Now Mr.. Murray is the sort of
man that wears sack coat during
Office hours. He rarely dresses for
dinner, it is said, and chooses his
companions for their worth and not
their money. So of course he isn't
wearing the medal-not when any
ones around, at least.
But the fact remains that a king
bestowed on him great honor;
made him of the Order of Leopold
II, according to the letter.
Naturally the order of Leopold
II was little vague to Mr.. Murray.
He was rather dubious over the
order when he first received the
medal, in fact. But orders is orders,
as Ellis Parker Butler would say,
and Mr.. Murray was duly impressed.
Knightly Air Noticeable.
He began to assume a knightly
air. of the we'll known European
court type, according to associates
quite unconsciously. of course.
The second day after the medal
arrived he is said to have inquired
of close friend if the friend honest
ly thought that silkknee breeches
were becoming to tall men. He was
J also overheard, wondering aloud,
whether royalty was wearing pink
'tor white sashes at the most fashion
able court events.
The friend, who was not posted
on knee breeches on fashionable
court colors, advised Mr.. Murray
to read up on the matter.
That very night the librarian at
the public library reported that there
was a shortage of European Court
Etiquette books. A tall rangy man
had borrowed them, she said.
Sack Coat Hangs Untouched.
The next morning Mr.. Murray
sauntered-sauntered is the word
into his Office. He bowed low to
his astonished stenographer and
seated himself carefully at his desk.
The sack coat remained hanging in
the corner. During the day his as
sistants held many hurried CONVEX
sations.
Gee, exclaimed one. leaving the
Office" he certainly is dignihed. He
hasn't had his feet on his desk once
today.
"Mebee he's got stiff neck or
somethin'.""s volunteered another.
Stiff neck nothin'. it's that darncd
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Dignity Of European Order
Weighed Heavy On Omahan
Appearance of King Alberts Medals Caused Sack
Coat to Hang on Peg and Feet to Keep on Floor
Instead of on Desk-But it All Changed.

medal" scoffed the first speaker. II
don't know how to act when 60
in there. He ought a have a
throne"
And then-this is all hearsay-a
grimy man, with overalls called on
Mr.. Murray. He was the engineer
on the special which had carried the
royal Belgian party across the con.
.inent. And on the bib of his over
ais there sparkled a tiny gold
medal.
Back to the Old Life.
The next day Mr.. Murray walked
walked is the word-into his Of
fee He favored his stenographer
with a brisk nod, and donned his
disreputable sack coat.
you know, King Albert was a
mighty democratic old scout" he an
nounced casually to a reporter, later
in the day. What do you think he
did-he sent every fireman, engi-
neer, conductor and cook on that
special train of his. one of his med
ais. And now they're all of the
order of Leopold II, the same as
| am.
"But do you know" he continued,
as he swung his feet up on his ma
hogany-topped desk, I'm glad he
did it. 1t would have been terrible
to be the only representative of that
order in this country"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Leffingwell INDUCES in a
Few Magnanimous Moments
And as Usual He Gets the Worst of Family Argu-
ment-Little Willie Caps the Climax and Leaves
the Old Man Talking to Himself

"Magnanimity is what we need to
improve each shining hour" assert
ed Henry Leffingwell, presiding cid
er of his domestic round table, after
he had addressed himself to the
comforting provender Of the even
tide.
His wife was removing the crock
cry from the dining table and was
arranging the reading lamp for her
chief counsel. She had been prac-
ticing magnanimity all Of the live
long day and she was wondering
what kind of herbs Henry had
found in the wildwood, that he
should be so suddenly stricken with
an attack of magnanimity. She was
inclined to believe that diagnosis
of his case would reveal symptoms
of megacephalia. During the after
noon, Mrs. What's-Her- Name had
called at the Leffingwell kitchen to
relate how she was instructing her
children in the ancient and honora-
bic art of using better English, &C
cording to her ideas.
This neighbor related that none in
her home used the word louise" but
that they said "pediculus capitus,"
when referring to that household
object of reproach. She also said
that members of her household
never used the expression "bedbug,"
but always said "cimex lectlularius'
when wishing to direct attention to
this pest of the boudoir. She also
asseverated with vehemence that
she had persuaded her husband to
use the word chicken" only when
referring to the offspring of do
mestic hen, although such lexico-
graphers as Johnson, Walker, Web
ster and Worcester give one mean
ing of Chicken" as "a young per-
SON" Mrs. What's Her-Name also
stated that she had learned way
Of adding vinegar to make apples
more tart when making pie
Can You Blame Him9
Mrs. Lefingwell took magnan-
imous slant on her friends rhetori-
cal redundance. She believed that
she would be able to struggle along
with the home-grown-forms of ex-
preston. A little slang, she believed,
added variety to the days work and
relieved the humdrum of domestic
tedium. She almost wished that
Henry, her leading man, would rush
home some night and exclaim, I'll
say So" or "I'll tell the world"
'Yes," added Leffingwell, striking
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
1t Might Have Worked
. On Snigglefritz, But
Not On Farmer Brown

Live stock commission men al
ways try to "call'' the name of their
prospective customers at first sight.
If farmer or rancher we're to stalk
into an office in the stock exchange
building and several employees were
TO welcome him with Hello, Mr..
Smith-how's everything" even
though Mr.. Smith had not been in
that particular office for more than
a year, the same Mr.. Smith would
probably feel that that firm de-
served his trade in preference to
some firm whose employees could
not remember him.
A certain firm in the yards has
two old-timers on their staff of
statesmen who have excellent
memories. One of those old timers
is H. F. Dutch" Thompson.
Thompson has good memory
for names and faces. He also has
a stock of clever and near-clever
methods of finding out who a man
is and still making that man think
he has known him for some time.
Thompson tried one of his near
clever methods on a farmer last
week. The farmer was standing on
the board walk looking at some cat
tie in Thompsons pens. Thompson
wanted to call him by name, but
just couldn't place who the farmer
was.
Finally Thompson walked over
toward Mr.. Farmer. Now, lets
see," he said, How do you spell
your name?"
H, you know how to spell
Brown" mumbled the farmer as he
sauntered away
Thompson's learning new meth
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

| . heroic pose, II want the word
'magnanimity' engraved in my
sarcophagus, so that when posterity
goes trooping past, it may know
what stood for.
what did you say you had to
stand for, pa?" Willie asked, looking
toward his mother for moral aid
and comfort.
"Magnanimity covers q throng Of
transgressions," Henry continued.
I'VE are too quick to be super -ilious
or to discredit the words aid deeds
of others. We fail to place the best
construction on hearsay evidence of
the goings and comings of our
neighbors. ! don't want the LEI
fingwells to be captious. Remem-
Der that it takes all kinds of people
and weather to make world and
that it would be dull place if we
all had the same ideas of who
struck Billy Patterson or how old
Ann may be. Don't throw cold
water on the fads and foibles of
others. If Mrs. So-andzSo, at the
age of 50, tries to appear as young
as her daughter, don't discourage
her. Be booster all of the time,
all the while"
Yes, It Was Some Hint.
II suppose that is q hint that I
should doll up like a chorus girl
and then perhaps you would take
me downtown to see the shop win
dows or perhaps to a picture show"
replied Mrs. Leffingwell, her choler
beginning to rise. II should think
that this house owuld fall upon us
when you begin to talk about be-
ing magnanimous. You parted
company with that word so long
ago that you have forgotten all
about it. You're skidding again,
Henry, you're skidding. If you had
any magnanimity in your makeup,
you would have at least mentioned
that cherry pie we had for supper
You take things for granted. Your
sensibilities are becoming afro
phied."
"Pa, how did you get that way1"
Willie chirped, as he got out his
Omaha Concord club song BOOB
and started up with:
20, when I die ..'
Don't bury me at all.
Just pickle my bones
In alcohol.
Place bottle of booze
At my head and feet
Then let me alone
And I guess I'll keep"
During which Lefingwell went to
his dictionary and looked up the
word "magnanimity."
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Bouquet Of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors
ing with three weeks ut the Inter-
national Congress of Surgeons in
London.

lIiS Win IHIeC WCCkS ~ TIC 1UtCI-
national Congress of Surgeons in
London.
So Did We All.
He says he saw the war coming
even then. In June, 1917, he went
into the army, was at Camp Riley
three months, then at Massachusetts,
general hospital a while, and then
sent overseas with the 18th division.
Now he was Cap" He and four
other surgeons were in charge of
hospital through which 1000 cases
went. He could see the Germans
through his field glasses. He was
overseas year and a week.
He's back now at his practice and
lives at the Sanford hotel
Il never had girl, never had
time for girls" he said.
We laughed heartily at this pleas
antry, but the doctor insisted that
he meant it.
always thought you were a great
favorite with the, ladies'" we re-
marked "Didn'tcha ever take a
girl to a theater?"
Never did," said the doctor.
"Ha da va put in yer evenings"
we demanded.
Reading mostly, reading medical
works" said Captain Fitzgibbon.
"I'm. mans man. A. doctors time
isn't his own, anyway. Besides,
I've never had money enough to
think Of getting married. Never
gave it thought"
Sounds bit disheartening,
doesn't it, girls? But, to tell you
the truth, we think the doctor was Z.
spoohng US.
He was the first man to take out
a life membership in the Omaha
Athletic club and he got gold
watch. all engraved an ev'rything,
for getting the most members IN the
drive. He also belongs to the Field
club, Carter Lake club, Elks and
Knights of Columbus.
He Does Them All.
He's strong for the health stuff,
says walking, swimming, horseback
riding and dancing are the finest
sports on earth because they give
the right kind of exercise. Autemo-
biles and elevators, he says, deprive
the people of needed exercise. He
drives Cadillac himself but as
severates he does that because he
has to hurry around among his pa
tients.
There's so much to say about
Capt. DR.. Henry M. Fitzgibbon
that we mustn't let ourselves run
along but draw this small disserta-
ton to a close.
His disposition, health, etc, are
frst-class, girls. And it seems to
us, bachelor-expert as we, are, that
one of you dear creatures ought 70
grab him, one of these days.
The Cadillac is of the landaulet
type, closed car, you know. Easy
for a woman to drive.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

"Fitz," DOC" or Gap" You can
call him any one of these as his
friends do. OF you can call him
rr. Fitzgibbon or DR.. Henry M.
Fitzgibbon.
He's understanding and about
225 pounds of pep, pepperino and
hustle. He talks fast, walks fast,
drives fast, thrives fast.
But he is by no means a fast
young man. Absolutely no. His
life has been crammed full of seri-
Gus effort and he is a self-made man
and doesn't need to be ashamed of
the job.
Yep, On Farm.
"Fitz" saw the light of day on this
planet first on a farm near Missouri
Valley, la.
In 1898 with nothing but one suit,
a worn grip and $50 he came to
Omaha and started in at Creighton
college. For 10 years he attended
that institution, annexing the de-
gtees A. B., M. A. and M. D. to his
name. He sold pianos on Saturdays
and during vacations, he mixed in
politics, supporting Jim" Dahlman
and got the job of police surgeon
which he held for Is months. He
found time to play all sorts of ath-
letic games. He was the first man
TO be manager of the foot ball and
Of the base ball teams at Creighton
in the same year.
Finally he had learned everything
in Creighton university and he hung
put his shingle. In 1913 he visited
Europe, with the Physicians Travel
ind Study club, attending clinics by
great surgeons in Paris, Vienna.
Berlin and 10 other cities and end
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Were the Police in
The Station? Why of
Course; Where Else?

Some people believe that Omaha
is in the same condition it was the
night of the riot as far as police
protection goes. Ordinarily if one
wishes to locate an officer, of the
low they would call Douglas us, the
city bastile, but not so with every
body.
Only Wednesday of last week a
man rushed into the police station
and shouted" are there any police
men in hefe." We wonder if he ex-
pected I'd find them in the back
yard playing marbles or out on the
golf links hunting for Migrants.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
lie 0m<zAz H1Ace a>0Uz>m>7< pits n7e in zvzdM
Nu neNy Axala o/a muse MsxAly a cak?

called, of which those that were
there came from the highways and
the byways, and some came from a
box called the jury box, and some
from list called the jury list, and
some came from hither and thither,
but principally from hither, for they
were picked out, and it was said to
them. "Come hither," and they
came.
A Great Secret.
And of this meeting there was a
great secret and the name of them
was the Grandjuryites and the pass
word was "lordsavus."
And when the Grandjuryites had
met there was great rejoicing and
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

singing of psalms among them that
were the Smithites and the Ring
critics.
And the Smithites and the Ring
critics spake each unto the other,
saying, verify we will now go
forth unto the land of the Beetles
and smite them" And they did.
But later they wished they hadn't.
And the Policeites spake each
unto the other saying: verify. now
is the time to pound the plum pud-
ding out of everybody in sight,
where is the Petersonite?" And they
found the Petersonite and told him
to go forth and pound the plum
pudding out of some poor devil.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

gether all them of the Beetles and
made for them some posts, to which
they could be tied, and some gags,
with which they could be gagged,
and some blindfolds, with which
their eyes could be blinded, and
some handouts and some of various
and sundry other things which would
make than into the li!<ness of them
of the Whorld-F earall.
And there was great rejoicing.
But it didn't work.
So endeth the first chapter.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
AERO RACE FOR
BUNDLE BEE PRIZE
is SUCCESSFUL
Name of Winner to Be Kept
Secret-Details of Epoch
Making Trip Lost by
the Typesetters.

The success of The Bundle Bees
great race around the world without
a stop in a heavier than air machine
ma ks new epoch in the naviga-
ton of the air.
a full account Of the trip, with
the name of the winner, was pre-
pared for last Sundays issue of The
Bundle Bee, but was overlooked or
lost by the printers while setting it
up. So our readers will have to get
along without knowing the details
or the name of the winner of the
100000 prize.
This is matter of small moment,
however.
"The principal thing is that the
great aerial derby around the globe
without stop has become an ac-
complished fact" said Gen. A.
Singer, editor of The Bundle Bee,
as he wrote the check for 100000
in his palatial offices.
The public will not bother about
the details nor care who made the
trip successfully, but be more in
terested in the epoch that this
marks in the history of air naviga-
tor. These are the important
things"
General SINGERS view Of the SUBJ
Ject IS remarkably reasonable and
wise.
Northcliffe Piker.
In the London Times" office, it
is understood, there is great disap-
pointment because that contem-
porary of The Bundle Bee wasn't
forehanded enough to offer this ST.
100000 prize. Lord Northcliffe,
publisher of the Times" attained
some newspaper mention, when he
offered $4,000 for the first trip
across the Atlantic ocean in an air
plane.
But now that triaing prize is for.
gotten and the name of General
Singer is on every tongue in ali
the aero clubs of the world.
Dispatches to The Bundle Bee
from Rome, by way of Constanti-
nople, state that in the Czxbrosze-
blogszb Aerosbzxgaszbg Zsbzgres-
qpcbgz, the crack" aero club of Buda
Pesth, General Singers name was
lauded by party of speakers in the
reading room one day last week.
He is the man of the hour in air
circles, Count Zsbgszcetwsgplval
Pzsxbrlsepolzbg is reported to have
said, using, of course, the Buda
Pesth language.
General Praised.
From many other places come
similar reliable reports of the promi-
ncrce into which General Singer
has come because Of this epoch
race which he has put on.
If | receive requests to go to
foreign countries aud be rendered
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
Thief Swipes 16 Turkeys

Lodi, Cal, Nov. 22.-Someone en-
tered H. L. Gray's poultry yard here
and made away with 10 turkeys
nice fat ones-in the dead of night.
Gray, however, didn't pursue the
robber, for, as the latter climbed the
fence with his haul in huge bag.
he dropped a wallet containing 500
in currency.
Today Gray has the 500 and is
preparing to restock on turkeys
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
UMNkezlu5h LY4. W

Now it came to pass that there
was much hurry and confusion in
the Land of Omaha, for a Mys-
FERROUS Stranger had appeared.
And none wot Of the Stranger,
but of suspicion there was plenty,
for there were those who had done
we'll, and those who had not done
we'll, and uneasy lie some heads.
And Of the hurryings to and fro
there were some who went to the
Citihall, and some who went to the
Whorld-Fearall, which is another
name for being scared to death for
fear of printing the truth and step
ping on somebody's toes.
And it was whispered the Stran-
ger was a great printer.
So there were called together
great meetings.
1--WE Need New Guns"
And of these there were meetings
of the Smithites and the Ringerites
and the Hazeites and all the other
Highbinders, and especially of the
Policeites.
And there were those who cried
out this, and those who cried out
that, and the Policeites cried out
principally, 1--WE need some new
guns, and clubs, and stars"
And to this there were others who
cried out, yea, we say unto you
give them new guns, and clubs, and
stars, but put chains on them, for
verify, of what doth it profit them
to have new guns the one night,
and the next day they haveth none,
for the mob cometh and taketh them
away?"
And there was a great meeting
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23

cast from his brow great drops of
sweat, and spake unto them giving
them message to carry back, and
the message was for the Courtites,
and the message had the Courtites
make all the Beetles into the like
ness of the Whorld-Fearallites and
the Daily Newstes.
And the likeness of the Whorld-
Fearallites was a sight to behold,
for they had eyes that see not, and
ears that hear not, and mouths that
speak not.
And the Courtites ordered to-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
The Rhymeless Poet.

After reading last weeks worst
poem," published in the Bundle Bee,
Walter Krelle remarked: I'm glad
you've kept Dave out, anyway"
He referred to Dave Feblowitz,
better known as "the bard of the
composing room" Dave was all
broken out with poetic rash about
year ago. He counted that day
lost whose low, descending sun saw
no poem written, not even one.
Dave says he has entirely recov-
cred from the spasms of poetry. He
has not burst forth in poetry now
Tor many months and stoutly de-
clares he has reformed definitely
and permanently.
Still, one never can tell. We hope
for the best. Dave may still have
recurring attacks Of poesy from
time to time.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
HE mysle,zaus Jz>wg9ey ITEM
New N1k

And he did. And later he wished he
hadn't.
And the Hazeites said: 10, this
is the chance to visit the Mooreites
and hand them a cold one" And
they did. And they got it back.
And it was hot one.
And there was great rejoicing.
The Great Oomph Pah.
And messengers and bulletins and
special scouts were sent to the
Thoma sites and they spake unto
the great Oomph-Pah of the Thorn
asites saying: Now have the
Beetles been smited and no longer
will we be shown up, and that which
is the news can be put in the waste
basket, and that which IS not the
news can be plastered all over the
paper and great will be the name of
the grand Oomph-Pah of the
Thomasites.
And the grand Oomph-Pah
breathed him a great breath, and
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-11-23
City Hicks" and Country "Slickers'
(0rNaflI TroptiarN

The Omaha Bee is running
thick" column in the Bundle
Bee, on Sundays, said column
consisting of items taken from
the country newspapers of the
state. A week ago several of the
items were from the Emmett cor
respondence of our loathed but
esteemed contemporary. Last
Sunday Gothenburg was the
victim. We are glad the Bundle
Bee is running the little column,
because it's funny and no doubt
furnishes some amusement to
the readers of the paper. But
hicks" will be- hicks" as evil
denced when the city papers ran
columns about their urban read
ers who purchased "catch-em-
yourself" Arizona wild horses
sold them by a couple Of enter
prising Holt county lads.
o TEMPORAL
Life without leather coat seems
lardly worth living to the high
chool boy nowadays.