davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
A Liquid Accident.

rECRETARY ELMER THOMPSON
Of the Automobile Club of Amer
lea said In New York the other day:
THE automobile gets the blame for
everything. man lay in the middle
OF the road one evening, surrounded
by large crowd. An old lady pushed
her way into the crowd and said;
Poor fellowl Poor young fellow!
l suppose an automobile run into him.
No. ma'am.' said policeman. 1T
wasn't an automobile that ran into
him this time
"What was it, then? said the old
lady
1T was a key, or maybe a key and
q half OF beer said the policeman"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
The ESophaquS.

A fter having been closed to visitors
virtually throughout the war, the
White House again is open to them
and many are the sightseeing parties
that pass through it daily.
While a party, including a spinster
of from thin to middling build, who
was just chuck full Of information,
was passing through this week, the
guide called attention to sunken
marble stand on which flower pots are
placed on reception nights.
Looks as If it might contain a
mummy" some one remarked.
The thin party carefully adjusted Il
two-pound lorgnette. looked careful
ly at the stand. and said:
ITO be sure, 1t does resemble an
csophagus."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
"Ca|I Me Bill"

AS William Gibbs McAdoo, the
former Secretary Of the Treas
ury. goes hurriedly about New York
these days. lodging fat retainers. he
must smile over the old, lean days he
knew there twenty years or SO ago
Then he often was without a nickel
In his pocket He always stopped at
the best hotels. however, going on
the theory that 1t makes little diff
ference where one eats so long as he
has good room in which to receive
prospective clients or folks who may
help him financially. The plan worked
McAdoo building the Hudson tubes on
nerve. principally.
McAdoo. by the way, has had so
many titles that he doesn't know Just
what he should be called. Most Of his
hired help call him chief" but of
course. every one cannot do that.
While he was In Washington strug-
Cling along under ten or a dozen
titles, an embarrassed debutante asked
him at reception one night whether
she should call him Mr.. Secretary" or
Mr.. Director" or what.
Call me Bill" McAdoo replied.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
The Selfish Son.

n1"llE Germans" said Senator
Lodge, display a naive selfish
ness in their peace demands which re-
minds me Of story.
"A father patted his sons shoulder
in sentimental fashion one day and
said:
my son, when I die I propose to
leave you every dollar I possess
"I'll allow you a 5 per cent discount
for spot cash. father said the son"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
THE LETTERS OF POLLY

a nurse with yellow hair was taking
care Of me.
must have been sicker than knew.
of the time, and they said that 1t was
one Of the most stubborn cases Of
pneumonia they ever fought out sue
cessfully. But whenever that doctor
went home, the first question he heard
was about the little California girl.
Sc he gave me time and attention.
Some day am going to see his wife,
My nurse says that It Is time for
me to be saying goodbye to you, Dad
dy. dear. wish that you could see my
room: 1t is an autumn flower garden!
But you were wise in not coming: you
would never have got here. I mean,
in time. II had died. Lieut.. Belson
has kept me supplied with immense
red dahlias, with notes on them to the
"Senorita." Nan. too. will bring out
flowers. though beg her not, because
she cannot afford them for Allie and
me- And then there are the roses that
you have ordered sent out so much.
am sending you a few Of their petals
with kiss on each Of them for you.
Better kiss the other side though. SO
you won't get any germs. Adios!
The next time you hear from me I'll
be we'll. maybe at work The war risk
needs me. / know.
1t is SO hard to say goodbye, when
I nearly had to for all time. But here's
nurse again. Bye. Convalescently
yours. POLLY.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
She Imagined It.

THE late Willard Straight Of the
Morgan banking firm used to tell
story about Imagination.
imagination" so his story ran,
"once caused a banker friend of mime
to lose lady customer. This lady
said In explanation Of the with
drawal of her account:
"T didn't like the mans looks.
He was polite enough when I was
making a deposit. but you ought to
have seen his black frowns when
ever / drew money out"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13
Around the City.

GRAINED them ana caught up Win
her companion.
Couldn't help yourself. could you.
old girl"
isn't 1t ridiculous OF me? can't
understand my Unsuitable laundering
for this sort OF trash. but I'm for
ever buying and giving II away to
children who don't want 1t, except
for the thrill OF possession. Maybe
l was an Indian to begin with. What
do you suppose l was-princess, ma
hala. buck or medicine man."
The artistic companion spoke as
Visions:
Il think you must have been OF
fifty seven varieties"
And they let 1t go at that
YOU can buy a match safe for 10
cents. but 1t won't look like the one
Marie bought for Arthur. She bought 1t
at shop where everything is real and
costs money. 1t was a lovely thing. all
silver with ovals on both sides wreathed
for initials or monogram. whichever the
customer desired. AS she decided on it,.
Marie could fairly see the ostentation
with which Arthur would take 1t out
before the fellows and say
initials or monogram"
The clerk was beautifully polite. but
you can't take up all day making up
inH nd la
couldn't decide. Arthur was such a
particular chap-so she paid for the
match safe and the clerk was to lay it
aside until she found out whether 1t
was to be initials Or
Naturally, she couldn't ask him out
right. seeing it was to be birthday
surprise. so by the time she had reach
ed the newspaper Office where Arthur
writes all the bright things that come
out in the paper Marie had fixed up a
nice little fib 1t was about a silver
blotting pad which Belle had bought for
Joe, But Belle couldn't tell whether Joe
would rather have 1t marked with his
initials or his monogram. so she thought
it best to get Arthurs advice. Catch
the idea?
Arthur was not in gracious mood. He
had told Marie time and time again
that she mustn't como to the Office
while the paper was going to press.
but | had to. Arthur. because you
won't let me call you up. and Belle
can't have the engraving done until she
finds out whether to have initials or
monogram.
"Botter, huh? What in thunder does
Joe want with silver back blotter
when he uses a typewriter? OF all fool
things for a woman to give man.
Still. she might have been idiot enough
to wish a match safe on him"
And at these cruel words Marie huff
ed off and wondered IT. the clerk would
take the mach safe back as long as it
had been engraved with neither initials
nor monogram. AS result Of the trag
edy Arthur got necktie that cost only
dollar-blue.
And as Marie finally came out Of the
affair with a wrist watch for herself
by adding another ten-dollar bill-one
might know without telling that the
clerk did the gracious thing.
X X
81 SEE they are going to let George
do it,"
A man said 1t with the off-handed
ness that Is one Of the destinations of
slang, and the man he said 1t to chuc-
killed. appreciation.
A woman seated behind them in a car
considered the information and then
asked the woman with her:
what are they talking about?"
The other woman didn't know.
Do you? MAMIE LANCASTER?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1919-07-13

TIE was faker who looked as if he
had just stepped out of Mexi-
can revolution--comic opera brand.
And he was peddling shells and sea
beans.
Two women had passed him, when
the plain one turned back with COW
etous eyes glued to a string Of shells
the pink of a Pacific sunset. The
other woman, who must have reveled
in the beauty cut Of every feature Of
her face. stood off and smiled toler-
ance. 1t was evident she had an ar
tistic soul above gimcracks.
The plain woman. whose features
must have been the worry of her
life. caught the smile. but desperately
paid the quarter for the shells
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
Ita pen.

THAT fog has no respect for the
language purists."
"why not1"
because II persists In taking thIngs
into Its mist"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18

John Henry. recently graduated from
the Infants class IN Sunday school.
IL the source of much pride 10 his par
enta on account Of his rnther remark
able ability 10 mrmoriEe easily. He
seldom fails to- repeat the text. One
Sunday the lesson had been taken from
the twenty third Psalm ''rhe Lord 10
my shepherd; ! shall not want. ha
mnkeih me- lie down In green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the stlll waters"
Early the following Monday morn.
ing. before the sun had dried the grnss
Of dew. the little tot. literally wailow-
Ing an the lawn. was discovered BY his
mother
"John Henry. get out OF that wet
Krnss md come here this minute" Hhe
exclaimed
but, mnmmn." he chilled back, lie
mnkc,h me to lie down In green pas
lures"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
War Statesmen Agreed.

The statesmen of all the belligerent
countries were agreed that such
league must be created to sustain the
settlements that were to be effected.
But at first think there was feel
ing among some of them that. while
IL must be attempted. the formation of
such league was perhaps counsel
OF perfection which practical men.
long experience in the world OF affairs.
must agree to very cautiously and
with many mlsgivings,
1t was only as the dificult work OF
arranging an all but universal adjust.
ment OF the worlds affairs advanced
from day to day. from one stage OF
conference to another. that II became
evident to them that what they were
seeking would be little more than
something written upon paper, to b'
interpreted and applied by such meth
DDS as the chances Of politics Nigh
make available. II they did not provide
a means OF common counsel which al
were obliged to accept. common au
thority whose decisions would be rec
ognized as decisions which all mus
respect.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
Matter Of COVERING.

The war wns over aud woman'a
dress had gone mad 10 mike up for
lost time. II was very brief and
bright.
The young sub. on leave was stag.
gered.
"How do you like my gown" said
his sister when dressed for a victory
ball.
"Ii's-cr-quIte simple" s,ammered
the young man.
simple" she laughed. DO You
know what II cost1 DO you know
twenty golden soyercigns wouldn't
cover IN"
"Perhaps not" said the dIsapprov.
Ing youth. But thirty might. well
Eprend out -
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
HARD TO TRACE ITS DESCENT
Story Of the Standard Yard and lee
Origin Must De Accepted With
Some Reservation.

The picturesque story OF the rela'
ton between the length of Henry La
arm and the standard yard which the
lord chancellor will dlslnter from the
walls Of Westminster palace II one
We should all like tn accept. writes
n correspondent of the Manchester
Guardian. But the historical stand
ards have changed so often that there
must be many gnps In the chnin OF
descent. II the yard and the pound
nre as described they must he exact
copies of the less romantic standards
of the board OF trnde. which date from
no later than 1884. And why prosy
VIctorlanh should have buried them In
a wall In hard to understand. The
oldest standard In existence. ro far NJ
I know. is the yard OF Henry VII
which should be In the Jewel house
but as II has only 35,0s3 inches u
is no longer good measure. Pnrlla
ment had n standard troy pound ans
q new yard constructed In i7OO. The,
were deposited with the clerk 10 tn
house OF commons. hut In the fire %
1894 the pound was lost and the yar'
injured. This yard was then lost Sigh
~ until 1891. when II was placed Il
the lebby of the clerks residence. "a
gether with a standard "stone" Of !
hounds
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
YoUNesTER WAS A DIPLOMAT
After Als Explanation. What was
There for the "slender" School
mistress TO Dot

The principal Of n certain Indiana
school IL very thin. AlG she II very
sensitive about this quality, ~ her
school na one mentions II.
Recently several of her boys had
long series of quarrcls with the boys
of the nelghborlng ward school The
principal talked and talked against
nghtlng. but with no results. The
fIghtlng continued. Finally. one day.
she announced that she would give the
combatants ut her school a thrashlng
II any more Trays followed. A long
time aud all was quiet. Then one day
came the usual nght and. Of course
the Inevitable lining up for the
'llckin'."
BEFORE punish you, want you
To tell me what you we're nEhsing
about this time" the principal told
the rccrcant ones.
pll were silent. but nnally the least
fighter spoke up. "well. the boys no
Mt that building tcaaed us and said
that We had the skinniest principal IN
town, and We told them yon wTren's
skinny nj all, but slender. aud then
they began hghtIng.
Needless 10 say no one got thrashsd
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
"CAN | BE
CURED?" SAYS
THE SUFFERER

How often have you heard that sad
cry from the victims Of disease. Per-
haps the disorder has gone too far for
help, but oftener it 10 just in its first
stages and the pains and aches are only
natures FIRST cries for help. do not
despair. Find out the cause and give
nature all the help You can and abe
win repay you with health. look after
the kidneys. The kidneys are the most
overworked organs Of the human body,
and when they fail In their work Of
fltering and throwing of the poison
that constantly accumulates In fthe sys.
tenn, everything goes wrong. GOLD
MEDAL HARLEM Oil Capsules viii
give almost immediate relief from kid
ney and bladder troubles and their kin
dred ailments. They viii free your
body from pain In short order. But be
sure to get GOLD MEDAL. Look for
the name on every box. In three sizes.
sealed packages. Money refunded Il
they do not help you. ADV.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
Such is Life.

1t happened the other Sunday at one
Of the downtown churches-the chris
tening Of pair of twins. An went well
up to the moment when the rector
asked, land what is the child's name2"
The father drew himself up proudly
and answered:
"Pershing Foch Haig Marine Mons
Lloyd George Wilson Jones'"
The rector gasped. Then, taking
deep breath he turned to the mother.
who was holding the other child. "And
the name of this?" he asked.
The meek little woman smOOthed her
dress nervously and almost whispered
"'Maud."
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
The Difference.

st received two requests for an In
crease in salary today"
"That so? Did you grant 'them2
ST refused one and allowed the
other"
''Why?"
Because of a difference in the re-
quests. One of the young fellows came
in and simply asked for more money
on the ground that he needed 1t. !
turned him down. The other young
fellow came in and said that he needed
more money, and asked II 1 couldn't
give him a chance to earn more did,
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18

work Is . pleasure. ! tell all my friends
who have any trouble of this kind what
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound has done for me. "-NELrIE B.
BRITTNGHAM, 609 Calverto0 I'd, Balti.
more, Md.
It is only natural for any woman to
dread the thought Of an operation. So
many women have been restored 70
health by this famous remedy, Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, after
an operation has been advised that Il
will pay any woman who suffers from
such ailments TO consider trying It be-
fore submitting TO such o trying ordeal.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
DOCTOR URGED
AN OPERATION
Instead / took Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound
and Was Cured.

Baltimore, Md" Nearly four years
] suffered from organic troubles, ner-
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18

And so the most practical, the most
skeptlcal among them turned more
and more to the league as the author.
lily through which international action
was to be secured, the authority with
out which, az they had come to see II.
IL would be difficult TO give assured
effect TO this treaty or to amy other In
ternatIonal understanding upon which
they we're to depend for the malnte-
nance of peace.
The most practical OF the com
ferees were nj last the most really
TO refe- TO the league OF nations
the .,erIntendance OF all interests
which did not admit OF immediate
| determination Of all administrative
problems which were to require
continuing oversight. What had
seemed counsel Of PERFECTION hnd
! come TO seem plain counsel Of ncces-
sity. The league OF nations was the
practical stateMnan's hope Of success
| in many OF the most difficult things
he WAS attempting.
And II had validated itself In the
thought OF every member Of the con.
ference as something much bigger.
much grpater every way than mere
instrument for carrying out the pro
visions Of particular treaty. IL was
universally recognized that all The
peoples Of the world demanded Of tie
conference that II should create such
a continuing concert Of free nhtl0hs
as would make wars Of aggression
and spoliati0n, such rs this that has
just ended. forever Impossible. cry
had gone out from every home in
every stricken land from which sons
and brothers and fathers had gone
forth to the great sacrifice TINT such
q sacrifice should never again be
exacted.
" was manifest phy II had been
exacfed. II had beeA exacted because
one nation desired dominion and other
nations had known no means Of de
Tense except ornaments and alliances
Old Policy Meant Force.
! War had lain at the heart Of every
arrangement Of EurOpe-of eyery
arrangement Of the world--thaf pre-
/ | ceded the war. Restive peoples haf
, been told that fleets and armies. which
: they toiied to sustain. meant peace
1 and they now know that they had beef
, lied to; that fleets and armies hn,
r been maintained to promote nntiona
; ambitions and meant war. They kneS
that no old policy meant anything els
but force. foree-aiIgays force An
3 they knew that II sas lntolerablG
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18

to be the end OF cooperative authority
and common counsel among the gov
ernments TO which the world was look
ing to enforce justice and give pledges
OF an enduring settlement, regions
like the Saar basin could not be put
under a temporary administrative re-
gime which did not Involve transfer
of political sovereignty aud which
contemplated final determination Of
it's political connections by popular
vote TO be taken at distant date;
no free city like Gs>zig could he Gre
ated which was under elaborate inter
national guarantees 10 accept excep-
tional obligations with regard 10 the
use OF its port and exceptional rela-
tionS with a state OF which II was not
to form part; properly safeguar'led
plebiscites could not be provided for.
where populations were at some fu'
ture date to make choice what sover-
eighty they would live under; no GER
tain and uniform method of arhitra.
ton could be secured for the settle
ment OF anticipated difficulties OF final
decision. with regard to many matters
dealt with In the treaty itself; the
long continued supervision OF the task
Of PREPARATION which Germany was 10
undertake to complete within the next
generation might entirely break down;
the reconsideration and revision OF ad-
ministrutive arrangements and restrlc-
tlons which the treaty prescribed but
which II was recognized might not
prove of lasting advantage or entirely
fair II too long enforced would be I'M
practicable.
A league OF free nations had become
practical necessity. Examine the
treaty of peace. and you win find that
everywhere throughout Its manifold
provisions Its trainers have felt Obliged
to turn to the League OF Nations as AT
Indispensable fundamentally for the
maintenance of the new order II hal
been their purpose To set up In thu
world. the world of civilized men.
That there should be a League o
, Nations to steady the counsels ant
maintain the peaceful understanding
OF the world, to make. not treatie
> alone. but the accepted principles o
international law as well. the actua
rule OF conduct among the govern
!, ments of the world, has been one q
F, the agreements accepted from the frs
as the basis OF peace with the centrE
A powers.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18
Nonehalanee.

"Is Jibway In comfortable clrcum.
sthncesf'
ellie tries TO create that impression. -
"How soT
"He refers to his $4,000 bungalow
M q shack"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1919-07-18

tOOSuSSS 6k10 uc6u~
aches and every
month would haveto
stay in bed most Of
the time. Treat
ments would relieve
me for a time but
my doctor was al
ways urging me to
have an operation.
My sister asked me
to try Lydia E. Pink
b q ms Vegetable
Compound b efore
consenting to O q
] took
FIVE bottles Of itand
It has completely
cured me and my
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-09-15
EFFORT TOREGA|N
STRIKING POLICE
Jobs UNDER WAY

BOSTON, Sept 15.--A definite cam
palgn 10 regain for the striking police
men the places now officially declared
TO have been lost because OF desertjon
OF ,outy was expected to be inaugurated
today. The action was expected TO de-
pend upon the results of a conference
between union labor leaders and Police
commissioner Curtis. The commission
al the request Of the union heads, con-
Sented to the meeting on an unofficial
oasls, pa 6ut the labor men said they hoped
10 OBTAIN from 1t an exchange OF views
which might be made the basis of ne
&c tiations.
The extent to which the American
Federation OF Labor would support the
fight for reinstatement and recognition
as a union was in doubt today. Inn
mediate danger of a general strike.
threatened by the central labor union
as its principal weapon in support of
the paholmen, appeared removed by the
disposition of the labor leaders to move
slowly.
From New York, where President
Gompers has been directing the fedora
TONS interests in the Boston situation,
came word from one of his associates
that there would be no general strike
2ction. Officers of the central union
here, however, said they knew Of no
decision to warrant such a statement,
that the proposal for a general strike
was sun peiore the union and that de-
cision would come with the completion
OF poll OF the several craft organiEa-
tions. This poll is being taken secretly.
Restoration of the city to orderly CON
ditions has been followed by removal
Of many Of the barrcades placed over
store fronts and other property as a
result of the looting in the early days
Of the strike The number of state
guardsmen on patrol was reduced today
but all the troops were still held in the
city, concentrated at centers for avail
ability as emergency reserves.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-09-15
BIC MACHINERY
CONTRACT IS LET

A contract for $4,000 worth OF saw
mill machinery to equip unit In a
N,O00,000 automobile body plant, was
let by A. f. Mahannah, general man
ager Of the Memphis Kelsey wheel
company plant Monday. The huge mill
Is being erected on plot OF ground
known as the Willingham property.
north Of the Kelsey Wheel plant on the
Illinois Central railroad near Plumb
street. II will have daily saving ca
pacity OF 100000 feet Of lumber,
The construction Of the main unit Of
the automobile body plant is already
well under way, the foundation having
been completed This plant is situated
on tho Illinois Central tracks and is to
be one story and Of fireproof concrete,
brick and steel construction. II will
be completed, Mr.. Mahannah states,
about Feb. 1. 1t will have a daily ca
pacity of 10000 bodies for Ford automo-
bies.
The Kelsey wheel companys original
plant manufactures wheels almost ex-
clusively for the Ford ears, and the new
plant will do the same thing in the
way Of Ford bodies.