New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1919-02-23


guess they mean. Filings rope into cor
ner Chances at proofs and throws them
DOWN. All lies, l suppose! Ill 20 on with
the autobiography. (Sits down at type
writerO Hope that capital l is all right.
(Irles it tentatively. He works the machine
slowly and awkwardly, watching the key
BOARD lntently. Then gances up to see
what he has written, reading it aloud.)
Rarely have l enjoyed anything more
than my funeral'-- Colt, that FOOLS
chatter about funerals has made me loonev.
What meant to write was, "Rarely have
enjoyed anything more than my experience
in the front trenches" (Walks over and
looks at himselfein mirror, salutes his re-
Election, then puts out his tongue and exam
ines it,
H'm-a little touch of biliousness. (Tries
to smell his own breath by putting it out
and waving it back toward his nose with
his hand) My breath is bit fishy. | SUD-
pose that artistic undertaken wouldn't like
that. Curse the undertaken (Picks up
proofs and sits in armchair0 Let's see
what this idiot says. (Reads) "Front page
stuff, ten point blackface, two column meas
ure, double loaded. Eight column triple
bank head, with three column cut showing
Kaiser in full regala." Hum, that fellows
not such a fool, after all (Reads.) "The
most detested autocrat in human history"
hear, hear! This deserves little cere-
mony. Islands up stiffly and salutes, then
resumes reading, standing0 "The man
whom the conscience of mankind condemns
as responsible for the world war died at
Amerongen to-day" Gle skins through the
proofs) This is really quite gratifying.
Hello, here's something added in pencil.
Very odd, it looks like Bentinck's writing.
(Reads.) "Maximilian Harden said the
Kaiser would have been great Snowman
He was indeed a consummate master of the
spectacular. Throughout his life he held
the centre Of the stage, and nothing proves
his dramatic genius more convncngly than
the fact that he chose for his deathplace
the picturesque castle at Amerongen, where
Count Bentinck has lavished every artifice
on his delightful funeral hobby By good
fortune the most talented undertaken in
Europe conducts modest workroom near
the chateau. The magnificent mortuary
chapel where the fallen Lucifer will lie in
state is fitting stage for the last pageant
OF this prince Of darkness The stately fu-
neral ceremonies, devised by the Count as
nnal tribute to his guest, will mark an ap-
proprlate curtain for this strange career
1t was characteristic of the late Emperor
that he did not choose to linger in exile or
wait for a worse fate" (the Kaiser pauses
at this)-"but made even Death conform to
his unbending will"
Gle holds himself erect, rather proudlv).
Very we'll put! Closes composure.) What
damned rot this is!
GA knock at door. Kaiser starts, grabs
revolver and crouches behind chair. Then
he thinks better of it, Strengthens up, peck
cts revolver and walks to the door,
KAISER-Who's there?
VOICE OUTSIDE-The undertaken vour
majesty.
KAISER-Good God! Go away!
VOlCE-Graf Bentinck said you wanted
to see me, your majesty.
KAlSER-This is conspiracy! Kaput!
(Hesitates, then opens door,
(Enter undertaker)
UND-You wanted to me, majesty?
KA1SER-Not at all Why should I?
UND.-Why, about this funeral this after
noon mean the dress rehearsal--
KA1SER-What has that got to do with
me?
UND.-Well, your majesty, Graf Bentinck
thought you might want to appear in uni
form
KAISER-I don't intend to appear at
UND.-Very good, your majesty. (starts
to go.)
KAISER-One moment. You said in mi
form?
UND.-Yes, your majesty.
KAISER-What kind of uniform?
UND.-You could have your choice
majesty-Scots Guards Blue Devils Deaths
Head Hussars-
KA1SER-Nonsense. am done with
such mummery-
UND.-pm sorry to have troubled your
majesty. Ii you should ever be in the viii
lage should be happy to have you visit
the shop. We have exceptional facilities
and would be glad to welcome you. Any
time at all, at your convenience--
kAISER-Preposterous
uND.-lf there are any preferences as to
shaving, costuming, embalming and so on
1T would be we'll to give me memorandum
IN advance Then would be prepared
for any emergency. Graf Bentinck assures
me
kAlSER-Graf Bentinck has taken leave
of his senses
uND.-I ask pardon your majesty, for
intruding prematurely. A little later, per-
haps Goes to door,
kAlSER-You say you have hussar
uniform?
uND.-Yes, majesty | was thinking that
If | might tak 10
tell whether the uniform would need any