davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

ming for a short stout man with a
tooth brush moustache and a holy
horror of wearing uniforms, because
it's my opinion that all them so-call-
ed portraits of the Kaiser was is
sued for the purpose of misleading
anarchists to shoot at thin man In
a heavily embroidered uniform with
spike-end moustaches."
"Well, whatever he looks like, Maw-
russ" Abe said, 'if / was him, rather
than have such a terrible fate hang
ing over me, understand, / would
telegraph to Berlin for them to send
along a good shot while they was
about 1t, and have the thing over with
quick. Mawruss.'
"Sayi" Morris exclaimed. you and
me should have hanging over us the
life which the Kaiser is going to lead
from now on! For $3.50 a week at
a Pallum Beach hotel, you could
only get a very small idea of the
hardships the Kaiser will got to un-
dergo in the future. Abe
But do you mean to told me that
after what happened to that Eng
lish lady in Brussels and the captain
of the English mail boat. Mawruss,
the English amt going to persecute
the Kaiser?" Abe demanded.
You the English would persecute
the Kaiser" Morris exclaimed. Don't
you know that the Kaiser's mother
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

prison yourself Abe, Morris com
mented.
Il am giving you what practically
happened to a feller by the name In
merglick which was arrested by mis-
take on account the police thought he
looked like an italian who was want
ed for barrel murder. Mawruss." Abe
exclaimed, "and If the police behaves
his way to a perfect stranger which
is innocent at that Mawruss. you
could imagine what them fellers would
Go to a well-known guilty party like
the Kaiser. But that's neither here
nor there, Mawruss. What I am try
ing to do is to work out a punishment
proposition for the Kaiser which
would get by with such a sensitive
bunch as this here committee to place
responsibility seems TO be"
Go ahead and have a good time
with your pipe dream. Abe" Nor
ris said. T"You couldn't make me
feel bad no matter what happens to
the Kaiser in your Imagination"
Well" Abe continued. after he
is through with trying to get rid
of the police court lawyer, Mawruss
he should ought to be arraigned
before the magistrate in a traffic
court, understand. and should be
accused of driving at the rate OF
twenty-five miles an hour which is
two miles past the legal speed limit,
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

Il see where an American army ofn-
GER reports that he has investigated
into the food situation In Germany
and that the German people looks
thin" Abe Potash observed to his
partner, Morris Perlmutter.
That's already German propagan-
da, Abe" Morris said. Word come
down from headquarters that the
German people should look thin in or
der to get the sympathy of the Amer
lean officer, so they looked thin, yum
derstand."
Abe shrugged his shoulders.
Maybe you're right, Mawruss," he
said, but all 1 could say is that them
German propaganders which has
charge of making the German people
look thin is wasting their time in
Germany. because there is plenty OF
people in America which would make
them propa aganders rich for life II they
would only come over to New York
and open an office for giving reduc-
tion propaganda at a thousand dol
lars a treatment"
We'll, I'll tell you," Morris said,
ordinarily II the German people
looked thin you would believe them.
Also before the war If somebody went
TO Germany and people asked him
when he come back. how was the
weather there. he didn't say: Unless
they was putting one over on me 1t
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
;wsPAPER SYNDICATE,

was snowin', understand. but today
It's different. Nobody has got no con-
fidence in the Germans nowadays In
fact even the Germans themselves Is
losing confidence in them. Take Ber-
lin. for instance. and every week the
Spartacist or Red Government has
got the support Of the people from
$50 a. m, Tuesday until 6 D. m.
Thursday when the German people
begins to lose confidence in them, so
that by $50 a. m. Friday the Coali-
ton or Yellow Government comes into
power. The Coalition or Yellow Gov
ernment then keeps the confidence OF
the people until Sunday midnight.
when under the influence of the Sun
day night Eksat Delicatessen supper
the Germans start in to suspect that
everything amt right with the yell
low Government neither, so back they
go to the Red Government, and they
seize Police Headquarters. the Bu-
reau OF Assessments and Arrears and
desk room in the office Of the Deputy
Commissioner of Water Supply, Gas
and Electricity, and that's the way it
goes"
IT'S a funny thing to me why them
colored German governments always
starts in a revolution by seizing 30
lice Headquarters, Mawruss." Abe
commented.
That's the way they finance the
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

and then. he would find out that all
them commsndants OF Ruhleben and
the other German prison camps
wasn't even new beginners in the
art of making prisoners feel cheap.
because you take one Of these. here
trafic court magistrates which has
had years of experience bawling out
respectable sitsons who has got the
misfortune to own automobiles,
Mawruss, and what such a feller
wouldn't do TO humilitste- the Kaiser.
y'understand. amt even dresmt of
in German prison camps yet"
Il see you still feel sore about
getting fined s25 for driving like a
maniac down at Far Rockawsy last
summer, Abe" Morris commented.
How / feel or how / don't feel
amt got nothing to do with IT,
Mawruss." Abe retorted. And fur
thermore. Mswruss. any motorcycle
policeman which has got the nerve
to swear that he could tell inside
OF two miles an hour how fast some
body is driving. understand me, is
guilty OF perjury on the face of it,
which told the judge: Judge your
honor, ! says, I admit / was going
fast ] says, but"
Excuse me-" Morris interrupted.
but thought you was talking
about how to punish the Kaiser
amt II, which while admit you
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
Illustrated by ALBERT LEvERNG

got some pretty good on the ,p.-
ject. Abe, still at the sam. fin..
there is plenty of ways that a..
Kaiser could get punished in Amer
lea without going TO the trouble ana
expense of srresting him first an,
There is a whole lot Of experience.
which the American people paws %
go through just once, yunderstsnd
which II the Kaiser could be me-
suaded TO take them all on one sfter
the other, Abe. his worst ener7tes
would got TO pity him. Supposins
for instance, he would start OF wtts
one Of them electric vibrating face
messages. Abe. and IL he come,
through IL alive. cumberland. n.
could then be hustled of TO one Of
these here strong-arm bunkopathie
physicians, which charges IS Io- an.
first visit and never has 20 quot.
rates for the second or third visits
because once is plenty. y'under-
stand"
But thought the idea was not
to let anybody have any synustby
for the Kaiser. Mswruss." Abe broke
in.
Plenty OF feIlers I know zoe, 10
these here near-doctors," Morris de-
ciared, and nobody has got any SYM
pathy for them neither. Also, Abe I
amt got no sympathy for anybody
VINO goes TO these here restaurants
where they run Of a caoaratteI re-
view Abe, and yet it's terrible pun
lshment al that, so there's another
up Tor you " you want any n,o-s
IDEAS Tor making the Kaiser suffer"
say when IL comes right down 10
IT, Mavruss. and IL you don't wan
10 show the feller no mercy AZ ali
Understand Abe said, whats tb.
matter with making him see some Of
them war plays they wUs putting On
In New York last winter7'
why only war plsys?" Morris ask
eo- is at through a couple musical
shows last winter without the opfiop
o. fine, understand, and II womb
be good thing IL the Kaiser couIs
see performances like thaf-ius. -
make him realize that in losing bis
throne. y'understand. he has no lone
got the power TO order the actor,
shot. together with the compose and
the man that wrote the jokes.
But the biggest punishment ~
all you amt even hiuted at vet -
Abe said. and it's a punisbnent
which thousands Of Americans &.
setting right now without no svr,-
pathy from nobody. which its name
is:
Form 1910 United States Internal
Revenue Service.
Individual income tax return
For net incomes OF more than
$4,000.
For calendar year 1873
Also, Mawrus. when YOU con-
sider what the Kaiser done. Nav
russ, l ask you is il too much that
the Committee on Fixing Respon-
sibility should order him starved
TO death or talked TO death or snv
other slow and painful death. be-
cause such a fate is going 10 be
happy one compared with the
thousands OF decent respectable
American business men who are
headed straight for an insane
asylum. trying to fll out:
'(S) Totals taxable at 1918 rate.
Csee instructions. page under c..
'(b) Totals taxable at 1917 rates
(see instructions. include in X IaD
page ?.
'Cc) Amount OF stock dividends
( Column ~ taxable at 1916 raJes
! Center as 2o.)'"
We'll. after all Abe. Morris
said, there's one worser punish
ment you could hand out the Ksissr
than filling out this here income
! tax" What's that Abe inquired.
! Paying it," Morris said.
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
Six Columbus, O., Airmen Shot Down AZ Hun Planes


The War Department gives the total
number of machines downed by
American aviators at 423. Columbus.
therefore. furnished 10 per cent Of all
the victories.
Iieuts. Fred Norton and Vaughn Nc
Cormick were killed in air fight.
Two more of them. Lieuts Walter
Wanamaker and Walter Avery, were
shot down behind the German line.
and were taken prisoners. Wanamaker
received broken nose and a broken
leg, Avery a broken jaw.
Won re Victories.
Capt Eddie Rickenbacker. ace OF
aces" came through with his
twenty-six victories without receiv-
ing a scratch. Likewise Simon es-
capped injury.
1t was Lieut.. Walter Avery who,
in his first air fight. brought down
Capt Mendkopf, famous German ace.
Mendkopf was SO furious that he
should have been whipped by a no.
vice in the air game that he went
for days without speaking to his
American captors.
Simon was recently decorated by
both the American and French
armies for q sensational victory
during the st. Mihiel drive. Attack
ed by three German two-seaters, he
returned their fire and succeeded in
sending down two of them in flames.
killing their four occupants. He
then chased.thc third plane for more
than seventy miles. =
Rickenbacker has, so many medals.
palms and citations that he has to
carry them around in a valise.
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

The shows were exhibited in va
cant stores generally. and the land
lords reaped a harvest of money for
the short periods they were occu-
pied by the itinerant showmen. In
a store on Pennsylvania avenue be-
tween Second and Third streets
northwest, l first saw "the wild man
of Borneo." A Washingtonian named
Bush Reed was both barker and
proprietor of the show. In front of
the place he had an immense canvas
picture in lurid colors depicting the
capture OF the creature in the jungles
Of Borneo by at least fifty men, with
numerous dead ones scattered about
the scene of the capture.
I listened to Bush tell a most amaz-
ing story Of the wild man. his habits
and capture. At the conclusion or
each Spiel" as the barkers- term
their talk to the crowd, a man bear
ing large chunk of raw meat, which
he carried in the clutch of ice tongs,
would appear and enter the show, and
Bush would resume his talk thus:
Don't feed him yet, Dick. Now,
friends, you are just in time to wit
ness wonderful sight. It is feeding
time for the wild man of Boreno. You
viii never see such a picture again.
Pass me your quarters and pass right
in"
FOand Him On Road.
This statement caught the crowd
and the store was quickly packed
Bush recognized me and invited me to
go in and see his latest conception
l accepted the invitation and found a
fierce looking creature with long
black hair. Indian red complexion,
great tusks protruding from his
mouth, and with finger nails at least
two inches in length. He was chained
to the floor of most formidable cage.
After the store had been filled to its
capacity, Dick dropped the meat
through an opening in the top of the
cage. The wild man seized it and
went through the action of devouring
1t ravenously. snarling and swapping
yiciously the meanwhile.
Afterwards 1 asked Bush where he
had discovered the wild man. He said
he had picked him up on the pike
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

sESiId Man of Borneo.,
The foregoing and similar songs of
the outside barker of fake shows
were familiar sounds along lower
Pennsylvania avenue and Seventh
street about forty years ago. That
was when Washington was "a great
sideshow town" as the veteran local
guide and Snowman, Meig Parham,
once expressed it.
In that unrestricted period. before
the District was overburdened by po-
lice regulations and fanatical laws,
the wild man of Borneo," and other
similar freaks of the past, faxed and
real, were frequent visitors to this
city, and they all demonstrated the
truth of the Barnum classic, "the
American people love to be humbug-
ged.' especially on the occasion Of
big gatherings here such as Presi-
Dental inaugurations, G. A. R. en-
campments and the like. At such
times the curbstone takers and shows
gathered a heavy toll of shekels from
citizens and strangers alike.
Those who gave up their dimes to
see the terrible girascutis from the
frozen North" beheld a large bone
or two in a showcase. Behind the
showcase was a canvas with a paint
ing of the alleged monster, an ap-
parent cross between a mastadon
and the fabled sea serpent, in the
act Of devouring a large polar bear.
Behind the showcase was the '1ec-
turer." a bedizened woman. who ex-
planned that the bones were all that
remained Of the girascutis, the ami
NAL having been killed while max
ing a raid on a Connecticut town
after escaping its keepers.
Those who had been gulied usual
ly laughed over the poke that had
been played on them. 1 recall that
a member OF Congress and one of
his constituents who had fallen"
for the fake remarked as he left the
show:
That was good one. We will
send lot of our good friends down
here to see this terrible monster
and then enjoy a hearty laugh at
their expense"
II was said the girascutis was in
troduced here by a noted Washing
ton gambler. long fsince dead.
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

Many visiting strangers and war
workers. besioes hose OF the Younger
generation, have gazed al the old
round structure at Fifteenth street
and Ohio avenue, and wondered as 10
its origin and uses originally At this
time II is used for motor purposes. II
was constructed in the '7gs as the
Cyclorama building. That WAS soon
after the conclusion OF the civil war
and the stirring battles OF that fratri-
cioal strife were fresh in the minds ~
the people. The first cyclorams shown
there depicted the second battle of
Bull Run, or Manassas, as IL wa
termed by the Confederstes. Ths
structure and life-lIke battle picture
were the property OF the CycIoraIna
ComT any. The concern owned STINT
lar buildings in other large cities. Tho
battle Of Gettysburg was also shown
in the circular edifce on Fifteenth
street These pictures were so res-
listic that a person in the central al
ditorium could imagine he was stand
ing in the center OF the battlefield.
Csrestene Fskers-
About the same time that vacant
store shows fiourished here there were
numerous free exhibitions given by
curb-stone takers at many street cor
ners along Pennsylvania avenue and
Seventh street. These sidewalk sales
men were not required 20 have either
a license or a permit They drew their
crowds by sleight-of-hand perform
ances generally. Occasionally the dis
pensers OF cure-all and cure-quick
patent medicines employed old-tine
hacks as their stages from which 70
perform their miracles and acts Of
magic. The more prosperous fellows
appeared with gsudily decorated wa
gons, not unlike those OF ancient cir
cuses, drawn by four spanking horses.
These vehicles were provided with
stages from which clever minstrel per
formances were given. Some OF thcsr
who performed for the patent medi-
cine men afterwards became noted
minstrels on the professional stage,
Old Joe Masterson sold corn curs
and swallowed swords about the or
ginal wooden Northern Liberties Mar
ket at Massachusetts avenue and Sew
enth street. where the Public Library
now stands. After swallowing a short
sword he would deliver a free lecture
on corns and bunions." and then sins
his Song of Pain" which even wheu
I was lad sounded quite silly TO me,
but II kept the crowd good naturec
and helped Old Joe to dispose Of his
wares. The song. as recall IL. begar
something like this:
'old Joe Masterson cures your corns
High-diddle -de-dee; hish-diddle-de.
dee.
And he makes you dance with rlee.
Hish-diddle-de-oee: high.didole-de
dee.
: Now hand me up your euartsn"
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

near Jessups Cut, this side, of Baltl-
more. He was a frowsy tramp. His
makeup was the property oflBush. 1t
consisted of the wig. face or complex
ion dye, celluloid tusks and talon-like
fngernaf1s, a wooden cage with paper
mache chains and bars. The meat
was not really devoured by the hobo
wild man. but adroitly dropped into a
false bottom of the cage. The wild
man received the munificent salary of
six dollars a week and ''perquisites, 1"
the most important feature of which
was a drink of whisky every hour
during work time. After the first
weekly pay day Bush lost his wilu
man.
He got drunk as a billed owl and
the cops pinched him. was Bush s
explanation. But have hired a fine
yellow fellow and he's going on the
road with me-"
The 'snide" show business of long
ago was not without its social side.
The original Metropolitan Hall, de-
voted to snappy varieties. now more
politely designated as vaudeville, was
located on the south side of Pennsyi-
vania avenue, on part of the present
olNc VI Lllt L.
was afterwards the Dime Museum
and among it's freaks was the india
rubber man and Roma, the Roman
mystery, or the living bust" The lat
ter was the bust of a beautiful woman
exhibited on a glass platter
On the occasion / am referring to a
Washington girl, Susie Bowie, posed
as Roma" the deception being prac-
ticed by an arrangement of mirrors.
The india-rubber man fell in love with
Roma" and she fell for the rubber
man. The museum proprietor adver-
tised "the public marriage of the liv-
ing bust and india-rubber man." and
capacity audience witnessed the un-
usual social event in fake life, and, by
posing as best man / got good story
for the old Evening Critic, an after
noon newspaper. Whether they lived
happily together ever arterward" 1
never learned.
A Fake Scheme.
One of the most ludicrous fake
schemes ever pulled off here was a
burlesque imitation of the wonderful
painting of "Trilby' that had previ-
ously been exhibited in Washington,
On the occasion of President Cleve-
lands Inauguration Washington
man hired a vacant store on Pennsyl-
vania avenue, between First and Sec
on !. streets northwest. and proceeded
to fake the noted painting of Du Maui
rier's great character. In large
frame he placed daubed painting of
a trained evening dress, With holes
cut in the canvas for the head and
arms of living model who stood be-
hind the screen on step ladder. fhe
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

day preceding the Inauguration
ceremonies, she was assisted to her
position on the ladder, the doors
of the show room were thrown open
and the barker" invited the pass
ing throngs to see. the famous paint
ing at 10 cents per head. When the
real painting had been exhibited
here a year or so previously the ad-
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
LOOKING BACKWARD

walk right in ladies and gentlemen and great
from the frozen North, the terrible girascu
the icebgs tremble the
for each and has been
tribe of Esqumaux children sitting
brave killed placing this cap
and he brought this country
many thousand dollars The admission
and will neither make break you you up
business"
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
By CAPT. j. WALTER MITCHELL

mission fee was so cents. The ave-
nue. was crowded with strangers
and the show room was soon rilled.
The spectators were treated to a
remarkable sight. Molly's grinning
face and bare arms were thrust
through the painting of the even
ing dress and she smiled a well
come to all comers. Nearly all
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

proprietor had much difficulty in pro-
curing the services of a woman to
play the part of ''Trilby." He finally
secured a woman-about-town known
as Molly" She was raw-boned
blonde of the masculine type, and was
reputed to be fond of her, ''toddy."
After Molly had partaken of sew
eral bracers the morning of the
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

who had been ,duped accepted the
situation good naturedly. and left
the place smiling and determined
10 md other suckers" among their
acquaintances by inviting them to
see the noted painting at the low
price of dime.
Demanded Their Moner.
Once in a while. however, those
of a more practical turn of mind
declared there was nothing funny
in the fake and demanded the re-
turn of their, money. A group of
Pennsylvania militiamen started to
rough house" the show One of
them exclaimed:
Let's see if the ID thing is
alive" ~. - 1~.
Seizing a chair he hurled il at
Molly, who promptly ducked and
fell backwards from her perch on
the ladder with a thud. causing the
painted dress to fall forward among
the audience. The police quelled the
incipient riot and after Molly had
taken a bracer she remounted the
ladder and the show proceeded. At
short intervals she sang in a deep
and uncultivated contralto Trilby's
old song, Ben Bolt"
The "What-is-it" made Us first
bow to q Washington audience in a
vacated store on Ninth street. An
emaciated youth of doubtful COM
plexion and mentality, garbed like a
woman, was exhibited with a num-
Der of harmless water snakes Of
large size. At short intervals the
"What-is-it" would seize one Of the
serpents and proceed TO devour a
part of IL alive, at the same time
uttering a series of short yelps.
Another store show that exhibited
on Ninth street was a troupe Of
trained fieas. and they were really
trained to draw miniature coaches
and perform other stunts.
Outdoor Piny.
An outdoor spectacular play was
given thirty years ago in the base
ball park on sixteenth street be-
tween r and S streets northwest. a
locality that is now built up with
many handsome residences. The
principal performers came from New
York. but the ballet of about 200
young women WAS selected here.
Their attire was as scarit as that of
the ballet in the -original BLACK
Crook which made modest Washing
tonisns gasp with smaxement. The old
baseball park spectacle was desig-
mated as THE Fall Of Pompeii." oc-
casionsliy meet a gray haired wopnsn
who sttired I'm tights as a vivacious
youngster years ego. took the part OF
a Roman maiden and had her initial
experience in the almost discarded
ont-of-deorss plays and performances
of the good old days. .-.--. 81. /.
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30

German, machines during the great
war than aviators from any other
American city.
What other city can beat the Column
The Washington herald., 1919-03-30
By C. c. LYON.

Columbus. Ohio.-It is the proud
boast of Columbus. Ohio, that six
Columbus aviators shot down more
Evening capital and Maryland gazette. (Annapolis, Md.) 1910-1922, 1919-06-06
FEW AUTO ACCIDENTS
IN cONGESTED TRAFFIC.

Out of the extra trafFic of June week
1T ii remarkable that there have been
no automobile accidents OF great ae-
count. There have been a few bumps
and great many hurried retreats to
sidewalk safety but somehow the Pc
iestrians have always managed %
get out Of the danger IN time. The
streets and circles Of Annapolis are
none too we'll suited % fast driving,
and the motorists are obliged to move
at 4 reasonable speed This Il paFti-
cularly true II the automobilisfs arc
looking for any special place, for all
Annapolitans know that the city II
something of 4 labyrinth to those Who
are nnaccustomed To it
Last night there was noisy colli-
sion Of two machines Of the corner
of King George street and Maryland
avenue, but after both motorists had
looked their cars over and found no
damage more than slight dents IN the
tenders they continued 4 little more
cautiously on their way