davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-09-02
Good Evening
OLD DOCS AND NEW.
BY ROY X. MOULTON

OLD DOCS AND NEW.
Oh, what has become of the old-fash-
toned doc,
Who carried a satchel containing a
stock
OF pills and squills
To cure all our ills
The old-fashioned party without any
frills?
He doctored our pains and our aches
and our chills,
And never was quick at collecting
his bills.
The old-fashioned doc wore a shiny
high hat,
And a Prince Albert coat and white
tie, and all that;
And his old one-horse shay
Travelled slowly all day.
He wore flowing whiskers, or mutton
chops gray
Which offered a place for the mi
crobes to stay;
But the old-fashioned doc worried not
He and the bacili were on splendid
terms.
The new-fashioned doc, he's dinger
all right:
He's on the job always from morning
to night.
His face is shaver clean,
He is suave and serene,
And he dashes about in high-power-
ed machine.
The new-fashioned doc is a business
man, too,
He carries no bundle Of bills past
due
He's up to the minute
There's good money in 1t.
When a new germ appears, he is
promptly agin' it
He will swat it and stab 1t and smash
it and skin it
The old-fashioned doc is no more in
the land;
The new-fashione doc gets the calls,
understand?
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-09-02
FACE HARRY FEE.


The traffic officer on the corner
really has a snap. He doesn't have
much to do. All he has to do all day
and simultaneously is
Dodge street cars.
Dodge automobiles.
Dodge motorcycles.
Dodge the fire department.
Dodge delivery wagons.
Answer fool questions.
Tell one person every three seconds
where the postoffice is.
Keep train schedules In his head.
Look for lost or stolen articles.
Salute the sergeant.
Jaw the coal wagon drivers.
Keep boneheads from being run
over.
Lift young kids out of the street.
Help ladies with baby cabs.
After he gets through with this he
has nothing to do till tomorrow.
The shrub from which the French
manufacture the perfume CASTE has
been found abundantly in the Philip
pines.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-09-02

An economist says dollar will not
go far now, but at that it goes so far
that it never gets back.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-09-02
He DID SOMETHING.

HEIDI SOMETHING.
Now l guess folks will know that
old Captain Simon has done some
thing" he said and he lay down and
died.-Grand Rapids Herald.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1919-09-02
WILSON TO ATTEND DINNER.

East Lynne" by Mrs. Henry WOOD
will be printed tomorrow.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18

I'm Flanders Field" is the best war poem written, in the opinion
of a literary critic. We agree, but why mention 1t in the singular?
and the 30 we read IN Somewhere in France" we're also gbod.
We don't know who wrote the article. 1t came to US unanimous
ly-Eaton County Chronicle. #
NEVER HEARD OF THAT ONE.
THE attack was preceded by a violet artillery fre--London Daily
Express. E
When Mr.. Wilson stretches himself diagonany in that empire bed
its too short for him-he may find it a bit difficult to keep his mind
on democracy. Nothing 30 undermines a passion for the proletariat
KNOW. L. T. hi
The battle is only half over. u
Autocracy is wiped out, but anarchy is flourishing. ,e
Field cabled the sea and Burleson seized the cables.
Every little hotel has a Hoover of its own.
We are convinced at last that peace is on the way. The watch
dog of the sugar bowl lin an autonat has been removed.
What is to become of the Jugosavs?" asks the Digest.
Well, We'll bite. What is to become of them?
A teacher in Cleveland was examining the history class.
What distinguished foreigner helped America in the revolution? ?"
And a young Chilean answered, Cod"
We always feel like asking Premier Karolyi to sing something.
him lick stamps in the Berlin postoffce, as his chin would never get
in the way" Second the motion!
We, are waiting as patiently as possible for Uncle Hen Ford's new
therance Of peace by the placing of mufners or tinlizzies.
A Buffalo concern advertised Big Shoe Sale" and than won
dered why the ladies didn't flock to it,
'Edsei Ford has been placed III papas payroll at S15oOOO a year
all of which goes to show that a rich mans son can make good II he has
pluck and perseverance.
You never miss the milk till the milk wagon goes dry.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
PUBLIC DISCUSSION
= MIGRATORY BIRD LAW {
. STILL IN FORCE

To The News Scimitar:
On Jan. s newspapers throughout the
country published the following dis
patch: .
washington, Jan. THE federal
migratory bird law of 1918, under which
tho government for the first time ex-
erted authority over prescribed closed
seasons for wild birds which habitually
migrate from state to state with the
varying seasons was In effect declared
invalid to day by the suprem court,
which dismissed the governments mo-
ton on appeal from a decision of the
Arkansas federal district court holding
the statute unconstitutional"
This publication Ia misleading and
has brought a flood of inquiries to this
department, The act of 1913 was re-
pealed long before the action of the
patch. but the repeating act, known as
the migratory bird treaty act, re-en-
acted all of the material provision of
the old law. and contains many other
provisions for the federal protection OF
migratory birds which were lacking in
the act repealed, Among other things
the new law prohibits the sale of mi
cratory birds throughout the United
States and increases the penalty for
violating any OF its provisions to a fine
| of $500 and six months in Jail.
The new law, which is far wider in
its scope, went into effect July 3. 1918
| and IT'S provisions are being rigidly en-
forced by the government agents. As
the new Ia waAsas required by the treaty
between the United States and Great
Britain, its constitutionality is not opet
to question, since the constitution OF
The rnnei States expressly provides
that treaties shall be the supreme law
of the land. Very respectfully.
W. d. HOWSER,
Nashville, Tenn. state Warden.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
WHAT R

A good many of the European countries have the task before
them of providing themselves with a government under which
to live.
What form these governments will take remains 20 be seen
Their choice is limited. Aristotle mentions three forms
AristocracieS, or the rule of the minority; democracies, or the
rule OF the many, and monarchleS, the rule OF one. All govern
ments are despotsms when they choose to be, In Germany
there seems to be no very definite idea existing. The Bolsheviki
are demoishers and not builders. They tear down, and in this
way render a rough and ready service, but they cannot build,
and they have no idea of authority, save the bomb and the
bayonet, which are mere temporary expedients. We may be
sure that there will be no more Pmssianism or Hohenzolern
rule. The people fave had enough OF this.
OF course some will favor a republic, fashioned after the
American republic. They have a JOB lot of kingdoms that can
be used as elemental entities i'll the formation of a federation
as we use Our states, But even if they agree on a republic
they will find opportunity for the exercise of patience and endur-
ance. A republic looks simple, but it is a most difficult piece
everything seemed most favorable to the work in hand. Yet the
first paper constitution in this country, "Ihe Articles of Con-
federation" enacted in November, 777, proved to be only "a
scrap Of paper" Wise enough were these "articles' as far as
they went, but they made no provision for a continuing organi
zaon of the national state. They created only a weak central
government. Our great men saw the error that had been made
and tried to remedy it, but the ARTICLES" provided no method by
which it might be done. Bowdoin tried one experiment and
failed. 1t required the genius and astueness OF Alexander Ham
ilton to cure the defect, and he did so by seeming to do some
eminent. There was no guide or precedent. Every writer or
the subject, from Aristotle to Bluntschh, conioundS the STATE
and the government, which is merely an agency of the state
Countries, little and big, that will find it necessary to create
a government and give objective existence, to the state will fine
difficulties before them. They might bodily adopt the consti
tuition of this country or Of Switzerland, but their people nigh
not be ready for either the one form or the other. They mus
try, and keep on trying, as we have done. We are not throug
tinkering with our constitution yet.
The easiest way would be to go back to the old machiner,
as will probably be done in Belgium, Montenegro and mayb
other countries. Certainly there is a lot of political -buldin
to be done.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18

hansen, in Metz, in Strassburg, Today
the glory Of the achievement belongs to
the soldiers; they have earned it, and
they should enjoy 1t. And tomorrow and
for all other days the fame Of Foch will
endure, as the %conquerer of the Ger
man military machine, the man who
broke the mighty, il evil tradition Of the
Prussian war lords.
But without Clemenceau, Foch could
not have triumphed. Without Foch,
Petain could not have reorganized the
French army following the military. de-
feat and the moral weakening Of 49i7.
When France turned to Clemenceau, all
other hope was gone He came heralded
by evil forecasts Of a brief ministry and
a complete and disastrous failure. He
came when treason was abroad and de-
featist propaganda general. After he
came there was a period of military
pending defeat.
when day after day Clemenoeau ap-
peared In the Chambre still covered
with the mud and dust of Flanders. OF
Picardy, of the lie de France, bringing
news of defeats only narrowly pre-
vented from becoming disasters? Who
pearances Of this ran Of n on the bat
tie lines, under the heaviest fire, in
viting death men said then? He
brought to the army the immediate
personal assurance OF the SuppCfI OF TIE
civil government, he brought TO the civil
population, to the legislators the un-
conquers BILE spirit Of the army.
There was q day when all changed
and the senate and the chambre alike
greeted with an applause which had nc
dissent the leader returning from res.
cued Lille, bringing the assurance thai
Metz and Straussburg would soon Dc
redeemed. One more triumph was his
Men had debated about the fashion II
which Alsaoe- lorraine would be re.
stored to France. C~lemenceau> settled
all that by having written in the .armi'
stice the provision that Alsace and Lor'
rine should be reckohed with all othe'
occupied districts, with those OF lsl
and 1915,
Thus he made good his ancient pro
test, for he was the last survivor OF tn
reputies who in 1871 had protested
against the cession Of the provinces
denied the right OF the legislature, I,
make such a surrender, proclaimed !
illegal and injustifiable. In the Ian
guage of the armistioe he made goo
, his protest OF 1871, the provinces wer
returned as French soil.
!. Rarely in human history has 1t bee,
given to any man to represent NJ
country at a supreme hour In tts his
tory and so to represent 1t that his ow
, personality and figure became the eN
: preston of a nation, which itself wa
. the object OF world admiration. sue
: vas and is the achievement of George
: Clemenceau.
' Copyright, 1919. Mcclure Newspape
: ! Syndicate,)
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
r 's .' ~" Twice Told Tales New, w 81 "'" ~


A close analysis Of e~x-Chairman Har-
relrs report, submitted yesterday. does
not bear him out in his assertions that
there Is a surplus In sight Of S71, 900 as
he claimed In the county treasury. The
outstanding Indebtedness of the county
of Jan. I was SIS, 4O6. 81. The bonds
will produce $S1 900,
Mike Tate, one Of the best all-round
amateur athletes in the city, a son Of
T, G. Tate, received a dangerous
wrench Of the back in a football game
yesterday.
In the senate committee of military
affairs, Senator Walthal. Of Mississippi,
notified committeeman this morning
that he intended laying his resignation
as a senator before the senate. Mr..
Walthal gave as his reason failing
health and inability to discharge his
duties.
The state board Of pharmacy. which
is the result of labor or energentic Ten
nessee druggists, Is now In session in
the city for examination of any one who
desires to engage in the drug business.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18

Nine, Calve, famous singer, is en-
Gagged to appear in the second act n
Carmen" in Memphis Jan. %. ~
president of the Teachers Educational
league at an annual meeting Of MEM
berS.
Through The News Scimitar, Charles
Frank, manager of the New Orleans
Baseball club. offers to give $50 towarf
prosecuting the miscreant who a
s%trychnine to Match, the big blacI q
of the Memphis Zoo.
Efforts are being made by Mayo.
James H. Malone to acquire the South
| street, which will be converted into a
public park.
A campaign for prohibition will be
opened in Memphis by Mrs. Mary Har-
ris Armour, president Of the Woman's
Christian Temperance union OF Georgia.
Mrs. Armour was appointed as director
by the national W. G.. r. U.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
The Public Be SerUed
PAT or,
81 K.c. q

AND WE all felt badly,
AND HADN'T the heart.
TO EAT on Jim.
WHEN HE wasn't there.
AND ABOUT that time.
CAME back East.
AND SOME time later.
WE WENT to war.
AND jim went away.
WITH HIS leg all fixed.
AND THEN one day.
A WIRELESS came.
FROM OUT on the sea.
AND jim sent word.
HE WAS coming back.
AND TO ask some friends.
AND HE'D pay the bet. III
AND THE next thing I knew.
sEHE PAPERS said.
THAT THE ship he was on.
HAD PILED up on the sand.
AND HE couldn't get off.
AND THAT'S how 1T was.
THAT THE Northern Pacific.
DIDN'T GET into port.
/ BUT JlM'S back now.
AND A date has been set.
AND I'M waiting for word.
THAT HE has the flu;
OR WHATEVER it is.
THAT HE'S going to get.
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18

NOBODY KNOWS.
WHY THE Northern Pacific.
RAN ONTO the sand.
ON FIRE Island.
AND I'M going to tell you,
AND TT has to do.
WITH ONE officer Jim.
WHO CAME with the troops.
ON THE homecoming boat.
AND WHERE Jim came from.
WE USED to be friends,
AND THERE came an election.
AND WE made a bet.
AND A dinner for six.
WAS THE wager we fixed.
AND jim lost the bet
AND WE chose the night.
AND THE guests we're asked.
AND A telegram came.
FROM BACK in New York.
AND JIM went away.
ON A business deal.
AND THE dinner was off.
AND JIM came home,
AND ANOTHER date.
WAS SET for the feast.
AND THE guests were asked,
AND WE all showed up.
AND THE walters had struck.
ALL OVER the town.
AND THE place was closed
AND WE called it off,
AND THE last time came.
AND THE place we chose.
WAS UP at Jim's club.
WHERE THE walters were old.
AND NEVER struck,
AND THE day Of the dinner.
JIM FELL off a horse.
AND BROKE his leg.
AND WAS taken away.
TO A hospital room
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
WANTED COMPANY

Two cowboys from a ranch in til,
western part of the United States wer
sent TO a camp neal their home. Short
ly after their arrival one of them wa
on guard duty until about | a. M, a
which time he returned to the bar
racks, where he found every one peace
fully sleeping, He let out a cowboy vel
"Yip, zip, zip vi, vi, vi, yaa, hoo
The rest of the men, waking up i
alarm asked what was the matter, an
he replied, II want you all to wake VI
and go to sleep with me-
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
MOVIE STATISTICS.

In one evening now we sea le an
nouncements of forthcoming ~at.rac-.
tons, As closeups OF the leading lady, %
closeups of the leading man, IL closeupS
of a wonder child. $50 people get into
automobiles $50 people get out of auto
hiles, six eternal triangles, II mis-
treated wives, nine unappreciated hus-
three murders. one hanging. g. niAa
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18
NEW VARIETY.

Waiter" said the diner. lit says
here on the menu green bluefish,'
"Yes, sir, That means fresh-right
from the water. sir"
Nonsense" said the diner. you
know well enough they do not take
hiuefih at this season."
The waiter came up and looked at
the disputed item.
"Oh, that. sir" he said, with an air
Of enlightenment, that am dollhouse
hluefish. sir"
The news scimitar. (Memphis, Tenn.) 1907-1926, 1919-01-18

Senator LaFolette has attacked the administration, declar-
ing that the United States has no right to send troops to Russia
to fight the Bolsheviki. But that is what LaFollette said when
troops were sent to France to fight the Huns.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-11-15
WILSON'S Words
CLEAR UP DOUBT
CALIFORNIA THROWS OVER IT'S
LEADER, JOHNsON, AND
RALLIES TO LEAGUE.
All Dou1tfuI Features Of Pact Are
Explained Away - President, and
Former Ccubtsre Hasten to Give
Him Their Support.

(By Independent E.a-s Bureau, form
srly Mt. Clemens EeNs Gureau.)
Aboard President Wilson'S Special
Train-A continuous oyauca along the
Pacific coast and then on his eastward
way back toward the capital was given
to President Wilson as he came
toward the end Of his month daylong
speaking tour in behalf Of the League
of Nations. California, particularly
the delightful city Of Los Angeles. went
wild i'll its enthusiasm for him and his
advocacy of the League, and it was
in that state, perhaps, that he did his
most successful missionary work.
Hiram Johnson, California's former
governor, now her United States sena-
tor, and considered by her as the most
likely Republican candidate for the
presidency in 1920, had before the ar
rival of President Wilson, convinced
a great number Of citizens that the
League as at present formulated was
not a good thing He had told them
that the United States, because of it,
would be drawn into every petty
European quarrel; he argued that we
would lose our sovereignty by joining
with the TuroToo0 nations. He had
bl3mad The praside-t To-. asserting 70
the possession by Japan Of the PENN
eula Of shan Tulg IL China
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-11-15

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The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-11-15
YOUR CHANCE TO BECOME
BOND HOLDER OF HEALTH

A new feature Of the Christmas
Red Cross Seal Campaign this fall
is the Health Bond. Health
Bonds are used as substitutes for
seals in cases where persons do
not care to accept seals. at one
cent each, for the amount of their
subscription The seals come in
denominations of five. ten, twenty
five, fifty and one hundred dol
lars.
The Health Bonds can be
bought by person who wishes to
devote any one of the sums men
toned to the fight on tubercu-
Iosis and the improving of the
public health and does not want
seals.
Liberty Bonds return interest i'm
money. Health Bonds return IN
terest in good health, for Health
Bonds viii help t. improve the
health Of your community and
your neighh3rs. and your health
depends partly upon the health
of your nelgh5ors.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-11-15
Sad Is Sad.

A mother. who was rather fond of
the cheaper 10, 20, 30-cent melo-
dramas, one afternoon took her young
daughter, who had grown to consider
herself above that sort of thing.
The daughter was bored but the
mother was greatly interested, and
finally, when the heroine had got into
a seemingly inextricahIe position.
broke down and sobbed heartily.
Mother, I wouldn't cry here" whis-
pered the daughter significantly. ac-
centing the last word.
let me alone" replied the other
historically IF a thing is sad, it's
sad; I can't cry according to price. -
Life.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1919-11-15
No Housework for Them

No HouseWork Tor Them.
well, the soldiers learned to sweep,
wash and cook"
yep. the present crop Of brides is
going to have a perpetual cinch."
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1919-04-10
Hoggish Hog Cause
of Nei9hbors' Row

Because he nosed his way into
Arthur $. Barton's barn at SelIeck
and ate yoraciously OF potatoes and
barley. pig owned by Mrs. Lucy T..
Walters. same vicinity. involved both
Barton and Mrs. Walters in court
procedure Wednesday. The case was
thrcshed out in Justice Reah NJ
Whitehead's court
The pig. 1t was related. ate so
much he couldn't escape by the hole
whereby he entered. and was too
sluggish to enlarge II, 20 nc remained
IN the barn. grunting dolorously until
Barton captured him. Barton It Is
alleged. held the pig captive. and
Mrs. Walters started suit for rccov-
cry. Barton Was fined 81 and costs
aud ordered by the court TO return
the porker safe and sound in wind
and limb.