South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-06-29
BY JAMES j. MONTAGUE.

1T will never be the same" sighed
the head waiter. They'll eat, just
like they always did-most Of EN-
II eat more-and they'll be just as
troublesome about payin' one-siXty-
eight for = eighteen-cent lamb chop
but when they amt lit they amt
lit. en- know how YOU goin' TO throw
EN- out without their goin' 10 the
police magistrate an maxim trouble.
That's what 1 want 10 know.
1T always used to be easy OF
course we never pulled nothing
rough up here This amt the kind
Of place where you go over the top
with caraffes when a couple OF raa-
rah boys gets 10 singin' the 'Boolah'
an hour after closin' time. That
kind of tactics don't worry the Gus
toners of places frequented by
sporting reporters and comic artists
and night prowling actors But
we're genteel up here and II our
patrons was TO be disturbed between
courses by fragments of broken
glass and the walls OF the wounded
they wouldn't come back. There's a
sort Of prejudice among the bur
goyce diners-out against bein' around
where the reserves is likely to come
up with the wagon and tell all hands
10 go an tell it 10 the judge.
The boss here conducts a nice
refined place, with ice skatin' an
JAZZ. and everything but trained seals
and William j. Bryan by way Of en-
tertainment. Prices Of course is ac-
cording. and I'll say for the widely
denounced Demon that he acted like
ether when it come TO the painless
extraction of large sums of money
from people who take their meals
at places recommended by all-night
taxi drivers.
Now in the dear dead days Of
long ago as the song says, when we
began pilin' up the chairs 10 make
gangway for the scrub women, the
giver of a dinner party would call
me arEl say
'Garcon, the bad news
When l gave him the check he
would look at il and remark
What, seventy-hve dollars and
twenty-five cents for all that food
for three people? Why you're prac-
tically running an eleemosynary in
stitution, amt you And he'd be-
gin peeln bills of a roll.
Then, like as not his wife-if it
was that kind Of a party would
grab the check, take a look at it
and say
why. Elmer, this is an outrage.
We couldn't have eaten all that
stuff. l can run the whole house a
week for less money than that and
have enough left over for new
foulard.'
But by that time of night sew
enty-hve dollars and twenty-five
cents would seem ike practically
nothing 10 a guy who was getting
seventy-fve dollars A week. and
without even looking at the items
he would hand out a ten dollar tip
and ask some member OF the party
10 telephone around 10 a garage for
a limousine.
"Of course. sometimes they got
messy. In that case the sight OF a
police whistle usually brought EN-
around. an when they actually re-
fused TO come across IL was easy TO
plump en- quietly an genteely ir the
stomach. and collect from one OF the
other birds while the bus boys was
hurrying' for water 10 revive EN-.
81 was never necessary 10 get
rough. One good unostentatious
punch below the belt will make al
most any heavy eater cease from
troubling. and always in any party
Of three or four the big majority IS
for peace AT any price.
You see the knowledge that they
amt exactly responsible is always
what the newspapers call subcon-
scious in restaurant patrons. Sort
OF haunting EN- is the newspaper
headlines over the police court pro-
ceedings the next day. and the
statement down at the end OF the
item 70 the effect that all Of them
had been drinking heavily That
sort OF news amt pleasant reading
10 the old folks al home and a man
is never too far gone 20 know It.
So as a rule they gave no trouble.
and seldom il was that We had 20
revive the old old days. when Al.
Of Us was happy and care free and
the patrol wagon was always back
ed I'D around the corner waitin' FOR
the business that was sure 20 arrive
before the clock in the steeple
struck four
But il won't be ike that any
more. You take a man who has
had nothing harder 10 drink than
IA 40