The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1919-02-13
s U.N BEAM S.

III II haven't lOOket
| at the last months
casualty list yet. Go ask the under
taker.' , 4
Right here in the old home toMi
there lis material for first class ami
NAL show GALL trained). There i
quite a drove OF Campbells; severa
Foxes, a 3oo-poltild Wolf, lot D
"coons" and according to the wo
mem lot of regular "old BEARS
Then for freaks we have the jus
headed man and the strong man
who can hold up a building (by lean
ing up agin it,, a man who neve,
took a bath since he was an infant
the women as they appear on th<
streets, and lastly the practitioner
who can't tell the difference between
the flu and at last years bad cold
A wonderful opportunity for the
man who would care for life on the
road. (P. Sim too busy to co.,
i Asked if | knew of a process for
tanning hides without removing the
fur | replied: My father used to
have very effective way of tanhin'
hides Eat Our house) but as we'll as
| can recall it he most always made
the fur lily and, at times, | felt he
almost ruined the hide
| was asked t'other day if had
seen anything of a big man about
town with Roman nose. an
swered that | hadn't. but that | had
noticed Roman nose on the street
recently with little TELLER.
amt interested SO much in know
in who fired the first or last shot
in the last war as am in KNOWN
who scored the most hits" out of a
possible 100.
| was asked what | understood by
the expression Faith without work
availeth nothing Why" says /,
Just this, if a teller has faith he can
remove a mountain (provided he
also uses pick and shovel)."
Solomon arrayed in all his glory
tand tlne duds) would look like a
freak in side show as compared to
some Of the damsels to DE seen on
the streets of my home town and Sol
{ SO history hath it, was some swell
dresser at that.
No one has asked my opinion as to
the control OF The III situation. Not
yet, but according to 'Hoyle' an
ounce ol prevention is worth several
pounds OF cure, so | may be permit
ted to say that | think if people
would use common sense and a few
Gust lew) more clothes and stay
at home some part OF each day SO as
to sorter keep in touch with family
affairs the flu would soon disappear
$50 also would some of the pill
pcddlers.)
President Wilson's Titles.--Henri
Lovcdan in ILLUSTRATION (Paris)-
Honor to President Wilson, High
Priest OF the Ideal, Lacquer OF the,
Nations, Benefactor OF Humanity,
Shepherd of Victory and Legislator
of Peace, Late reports indicate that
he is bearing up bravely and that il
no serious complications arise he
will Ike.
\ Woman to Peace Table-Head- !!
line. Vow that do settle it. | here
by declare all bets on an early peace
Off
Asked which | would rather be, a
hero worshipper or hero wor-
shipped, replied, neither, Id
rather be hod carrier than either
of EN-.
A certain learned doctor now
dead most OF EN- are) advocated
certain rules OF Cor for) health.
Here are some OF EN-. Chew your
grub g times before you swallow it
(don't that listen goodD; chew even
your soup (try it once); forget your
family troubles and smile when you
eat. Looks as if there's always some
one trying to take all the joy out
Of life, don't it?
Holding an Irish wake without
booze is going to be about as suc-
:essful as an attempt to have hog
KILN without hot water. 1t can't be
did.
Hoover Replies to Critics
Headline. Well he amt got around
ONE. Not yet. But I'm expectin'
to hear from him most any day. If
he hops onto me he may, be sorry
Tor honestly. ! amt told half what
he has done to me, but may do so
later. "Quien sabe.'
Marriage.-John Ayscough-Men
look on marriage as the goal and
of courtship. women hope
u 10 NV az tlOlbG-
eternal ETC., or words to that effect.
read the other day of a man in
California who raises what he terms
the "G'iinea Butter Bean" He says
it weighs from II to 10 pounds and
will make Zone bean, mind YOU a
meal fer % people. Now | don't
know this bird and it is barely pos
,ible he tells the truth. but I'll bet
my salary for this week that he is a
ineal descendant of the old man
'Ananias' and\not very far removed.
As president of the club of WillfuiI
Prevaricators, ] take off my hat to
him.
Speakin' of onions some folks eat
onions for their compilations sake,
others eat EN- to cure a cold. MyIt
friends eat 'em in self defense. Neil,
D, Ill Just be honest with you, l eat
onions because like Fem. i.
At Tor irony the present outlook
he income tax law amt goin' to ,
nave any terrors for me this season.
knew = man who was an invete,-
lite drinker of gin. / asked him why
~ dranl ORR, He ca;d chat !, dOcxo~.iH.