The Lamar register., 1919-09-03
'CAP'N'E EZRA RILED
Ancient Mariner Has Trying Day
in Boston Town.
And He VIII Find Many to Agree With
Him In His Positive Assertion
That "Umbreilies 10 DAN
oerous Weapons"

l henrd q sign Deninu me - III
folded my favorite evening sheet.
Someone settled into the seat and rest
ed wearily against me. l-eIhumed my
self from my sheet and stole side
long glance. In the little leathery man
with the nervous bit OF chin whiskers
l recognized Cap'n Ezra Godskins Of
our town.
His mild blue eye caught mine and
I wished him good evening. He -
piled with another sigh and the eryp-
tic remark. "Umbrellies IL dangerous
weapons" Then, like smother and bet
ter known Ancient Mariner. he seemed
unable to contain himself and launched
forth into the subject that was tortur.
Ing his soul.
This is the captains plsint:
II come into town this mornin'
bearin' no man any malice. II looked
like rain. but i didn't calc'late to let
that spoil my good nature. Most every
one but me was totin' = umbrelly.
81 was bumpin' along In the crowd
ieavin the station an just at the en-
trance I was surrounded BY nvs fat
old ladies' who was so Interested In de-
cidin' where they was goin' to meet
for lunch that they didn't notice that
I was standin' In the middle Of the con-
fserunce an gettin' the benefit Of all
the emphasis OF the pointin' they did
with their umbrellies.
"A lady pointin' one direction with
u parasol wants to look where's shes
a-pointin.
"T squore out of there Just In time
to get gouged in the nigh leg BY q
young feller that carried his umbrelly
strapped to the side Of his vaiise. He
gave me q nasty look for bein' there.
started up the street and see fei-
Ter ahead ofsIne carryin' his umbreily
over his shoulder like q musket. He
turned TO look into 4 store windsr ana
bumped q old man into the side Of the
head with the muzzle Of his weapon.
They had some words
"a young girl that looked bright
enough to know better was carryin her
umbrelly in the middle and talkin' so
fast at the same time I guess she
didn't know she was proddin folks
both ahead and behind as though she
might be sayin' Get up, Jessie; go
long Billr
"a tall Teller with q black ribbon on
his eye glasses was whirlin' his slim
umbrelly around by the handle. thereby
gettin' most OF the sidewalk and lot
of unfavorabie opinion for himself.
He varied this a little by usin' II as
q cane, swingin' II well out In front
and behind. Every once In . while
II swang into some ones shanks or
stabbed 'em In the instep. He sure
had the comfort an safety Of other
folks In mind.
People used 'em as wedges to get
into the crowd and as 4 pry to get out.
One young feller l see was standin
on the edge Of the sidewalk. leanin
back on his umbrelly and talkin' to
friend Of his'n. Some feller goin
along mlndn' his own business caught
his toe In II and brought the lad down
at neat AS ninspin.
snow II he had Il had his umbreily
hangin' down straight from his hand
the way 1t should ha' been an been
goin' about his business instead OF
blockin' up the sidewalk he wouldn't
had TO 20 home and changed hi'
breecbes.
THE trouble is that folks who carr,
a umbrelly so II didn't Interfere witt
anybody else is generally the ones thai
gets jabbed.
81 amt got the heart to speak o1
umbrellies when folks carries 'eu
raised. They Is worse than dangerous
then; they is positively deadly.
been dodgln' careless and thoughtlesi
handlers Of umbrellies all day and II
the hands Of them class of people tina
is dangerous weapon. Yes. sir. um
brellies is a dangerous weapon."-bos
ton Globe.