The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1919-01-07
ON THE SPUR
OF THE MOMENT

M ROY K. MOULToN

The Telephone.
The telephone is the most stubborn
of all the forms Of mechanical life.
| What the mule is to the faunal world,
| the telephone Is to the world of science
and invention.
AS a purveyor of good n, WIS it is a
failure. As a dissemination of bad
news it is a regular old gossip; in fact,
| a whole sewing circle.
I am relating only my own expert
| ence with the telephone. Other tele-
phones may babble good luck day and
night. Mine is a pebbleless Demos
themes SO far as good luck is concern
ed. but when it comes to peddling out
gloom, 1t is as voluble as a colored
| minister at a funeral. 1t chatters in
cessantly and repeats its bad news over
and over again.
AS a peddler of perverseness, it is
101 per cent efficient and hits on all
twelve cylinders. 1t is a dozen tele-
phones merged into one. and speaks
with perfect articulation and an
abundance of force and clarity of
thought. 1t is affiliated with a we'll
defined stutter and a severe attack of
quinsy. and speaks a sort of vest
pocket yolapuk which I could never
understand.
When only one wants to get me on
the phone to offer me 1000 or even
less amount. my telephone is a deaf
family that don't hear it at all or it
jumbies up the message so that it
sounds as tho somebody is trying to
sell me a motorcycle on the install
ment plan. 1t simply won't work, and
two or three weeks later I hear that
somebody was trying to give me some
money and couldn't and had to give it
to somebody else.
But when there is some bad news
coming to me, like the loss of a Job
or the impending visit of my wife's
uncle, my telephone simply outphones
itself. 1t sticks to the job as peanut
butter sticks to the roof of ones
mouth. 1t can't escape 1t. If it is bad
news the telephone will ring it's head
off. and If don't respond it will come
and pull me out of bed.
ST am dead sot agin' the freedom
of the seas" said Uncle Tedwilliger
last night. ''If we git freedom of the
seas, the steamship companies will
over here for nothing and there amt
hardly any of 'em that would stay at
home"
No, We Wouldn't.
sir-Would you say that an appro-
pirate name for our president is Wood
go-or wouldn't you say anything
about it.-Jane Vivian
Secretary Burleson has ordered REL
duction in telephone rates. We know
it and Burleson knows it, but do the
telephone companies know it?
Note one of the department stores
is advertising. Children Rocking
Horses"
But what are the adults going to
do?
The champion optimist of the uni
verse Is the man who believes, away
down in his own heart, that the world
has seen its last war.
When is Old H. c. L. going to sign
an armistice?
The soldiers on the battle front
made quick work of the Germans, but
the coolies were not so easily over
come, observes the Lawrence "Jour-
adding that the situation
is much like life everywhere. The
big troubles can be routed easily. but
the little ones cause a world of an
noyance.
They are furrying the soldiers back
from France to make room for the
two or three million diplomats who
must have standing room in Paris
Mother Mystery.
Want ad in Manchester IN. HI
Union:
Wanted-Hand-sew workmen, ole
time. to make infant ankle t. at !
home. Steady work by parcel post