Trench and camp., 1919-02-20

n0pfn Mf. Hurley W1Al Let me have
separate Ship for my Souvenirs.
Likewise and furthermore, I'll take
back enough Jaw-Done to last me
through many O long Winter Even
ing. And, believe me. yes, when we
rally round the old Base Burner, the
drst big earful that / hand the Regu-
lars will be about you Buddies right
here. We had the false Dope. All
we knew about you Ginks was what
we'd seen In VAUDEVILLE and the Col
ored Supplement. I was taught from
early Youth that the entire British
Nation got up every Morning and
started in to sob on account Of Bun
ker Hill. Still brooding over York
town, the same as the Daughters Of
the Revolution. Poor downtrodden
Dubs who took orders from o King
instead Of Precinct Captain. Gosh,
how / pitied the Foreigners who
couldn't vote for a Congressman that
wore White Vest! Especially the
Englishman because he had to wear
mutton-chop Zoo-Zoos and couldn't
see a Joke. The only ring-tailed
Slickers in the whole World were
Yankee Doodle Boys wearing bell
shaped Coats and Button Shoes. Its
been a real shock to me to find out
that ]. Bull is approximately Human.
Somehow, the Samples that we had
seen didn't do Justice to 'he Main
Batch We had taken Peek at the
Piccadil1y Brighter who wore the lit
tie Glass Eye and expected to find
Buffalo roaming through the Streets
of Piqua, Ohio. He struck US as be-
ing a sort of Compromise between
Welsh Rabbit and Sponge Cake. Just
put on Earth for the cute Americans
to kid along Now I've got to go
back and explain that the dear old
Toff with the Monocle is a Heller
when he gets wound up and London
compares favorably with Omaha or
Memphis, ana all the time we've been
joshin' the Britisher he had Secret
to the Effect that we were the Ones
bein' strung. 'Ah, we'll; live and
learn says the Rube that picked up
the wrong She'll I'm guessin' that
before we become Pards the plain
Resident of some inland Burg in the
U. s. A. didn't have very high So
cial Rating in the more delicatessen
Circles of London, as it were"
my dear Boy, you were just as
highly esteemed % any Resident OF
Kamchatka or Booriaboola Cha" ex-
planned the Tommy. I'VE surmised
that you wore Sheepskin Trousers
and carried q Lariat and put in all
your spare time getting Divorces and
lynching inoffensive Colored Persons.
OF course, we might have known that
you couldn't devote the liYelong Day
to discharging Weapons and infract-
ing the Seventh Commandment and
casseroling the poor Blacks, but 1t
happened that we didn't get any ac-
curate Report of any Of your Reputa-
BILE Performances. II we met an
American and he acted Parlor-
Broke, we figured that he was an ex-
ception to the rule and probably
from Boston. We read about you in
the Penny Dreadfuls and saw you in
the Movies and Wild West Shows
and got the daily Murder Reports in
the Papers, and we pictured you as
kind of Prairie Wolf wearing Dia-
monds. AS we were the inventors of
manly Outdor Sports, we never could
visua lize you as other than crude I'm
itators in the Realm of Athletics.
Even when you happened to win, we
refused to believe it. We knew that
you were pie-eating Dyspeptacs who
lacked the Brawn and the Bone and
the Bright Blue Eye of the English
Hero. to whom we had modestly re-