Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1919-06-19

Tor rainy oay-baltlmore Amerl-
can.
"Some men are born great"
quoted the parlor philosopher.
eyes, poor devils!" commiserated
the mere man. Gust think what
pleasures they miss. They can't
tell the rest of US how they did it,"
Life.
"Say." said the captured German
officer, you Yankees are devil
dogs. You fight all the time"
Mister" replied his Yankee cap
tor, "you don't suppose we came 81
900 miles to get licked, do your
Detroit Free Press.
"where is the billiard parlor in
this hotel?"
"To the left, lady, but we don't
allow ladies to play"
That's all right. just want
the chalk a moment to powder my
nose. Judge.
She (after his proposan Did you
ever say anything like this to girl
before?
He-Heavens! You don't sup
pose 1t could be done like that the
first time, do you?-Boston Trans
script.
"You mustn't eat while angry or
excited"
"Huh?"
THAT is bad for digestion"
"All right. Then stop telling me
what the stuff costs. "-Louisville
Courier-oJurnal.
"One, two, three, four; one, two,
three, four" yelled the drill SER
geant.
''My goodness me-" said the sweet
little thing, edo they really have to
teach those ignorant mechanics how
to count up to four?"--Gargoyle.
"Pa, who is the wisest man in the
world?"
"I don't know his name, my boy.
but he's the chap that does all Of the
talking in the smoking compartment
of a Pullman car."-Detroit Free
Press.
Have you ever tried to love your
enemies?"
eyes," answered the slow-speaking
man. ~ have tried But l never
got a real enemy to reciprocate my
affections with any degree of reli-
ability. "-Washington Star.
"I'm sorry ever asked his po-
litical views"
WHY"
at used to think well of him be-
fore I found that his opinions didn't
agree with mime. Detroit Free
Press.
"He that humbleth himself shall
be exalted" observed the Sage.
"oh, 1 don't know" replied the
Fool. "a married man Is humbled
but he isn't exalted so you could mo-
tiee Knoxville Journal-Tribune,
at don't believe they will ever
make Europe bone dry"
81 don't either" rejoined Uncle
Bill Bottletop. "But Europe is a
long ways to travel just for a
drink. "-Washington Star.
Mrs. Knicker-Statesmen have
! discovered that food is propaganda.
Mrs. Bocker.-Huh! Haven't we
always cooked our husbands good
dinners IL We wanted something
from them?-Judge.
"I can't tell Just what nationality
that tall stranger belongs to. He
wears dropping mustache."
ooh, then, he must belong to the
Prussian guards. Baltimore Am
erican.
| Artist-You ought to see that
! girls figure In a pose.
Practical Admirer-In pose?
Humph! You ought to see her
fathers figure in Bradstreets's.-To-
ledo Blade.
"In the Joke book the young man
who interviews papa is perturbed.'
"Well?"
"But in real life papa is usually
the one who is i'll at ease"
Sportsman-Do you guarantee this
gun? Suppose II bursts and blows
my head OFF?
Dealer-Then we will give you q
new gun.-Judge.
| Nipp-That fellow Guzzler is /
bird,
Tuck.--Yes, life with Guzzler II
just one swallow after another
Life.
"Pa, what Is a tyrant?"
Cant answer that question, m.
boy. without peeving your mother.
detroit Free Press.
"Have you the latest war book?'
"I'll find out sir. I've just BEEF
out to lunch Judge.