The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1919-10-07
'SH! IF ANY One TELLSYOUEL
BROKE HIS RIGHT Arm, ASK RING
Cincinnati Writer Told Lardner That Foolish Rumor
Ring Didn't See the Game For Watching Eler Pitch
With a Soupbone.
(By RING LARDNER.)

Chicago, Oct. 6.-GentS: Well, they
asked me what was the feature of this
game. and says thought I heard
rumor that Hold ElIer come down
from breakfast this A. NJ, instead or
ordering it up in his room, and while
he was struggling to get through the
lobby he fell on the pavement and
broke his right arm at the elbow
Well, evidently he went and seen
doctor and the next time l seen him
he was out On the mound or box or
what they call it, pitching for the de-
feated Reds and couldn't see his ell
bow from where the where I set, but
don't ever let that bird brag about
striking out six birds in succession,
because once I pitched for the Niles
high school against New Zealand and
I whitfield the whole ball club.
Bue speaking about the rumor Hold
Eller topping over in the hotel lobby.
If he had of been a roomer at my
hotel he wouldn't of never fell over,
because they wasn't any room in our
lobby, because the minute you try
and walk through the lobby in our
hotel a million bugs from Cincinnati
and old Chi. grabs you by either arm
and ask you how to bet on the rest
of the series. Thus you get through
the lobby. Now let US go back to Hold
Eller. If he did fall down in the hotel
lobby and bust an arm. it must have
been the arm he pitched with, because
I never seen such nonsensical pitching
in all my born days, to use a new ex-
preston. and 1 have seen q. whole lot
of pitching in all my borndays. But
as a matter of fact, gents, you can't
tell me that bird ever fell down in a
hotel lobby this morning or any other
morning, because he didn't fall down
in much larger place this P. NJ, and
if you don't fall down in the morning
you are certainly not going to fall
down in the afternoon because the
time everybody is liable to fall down is
in the morning, including a pitcher.
right or left handed. SO please don't
believe that Hold fell down either
morning or afternoon either one,
though it was a Cincinnati baseball
writer that give me the story about
him falling down, which makes it ex-
elusive between 1 and you and the
world. The Cincinnati baseball writer
give it to me in confidence, and any
time they do that to me 1 tell it, But
really did strike out more birds
the day we played New Zealand than
Hold did after falling down.
Well, that disposes of the ball game
and brings US to the business of the
evening. A great many Cincinnati fans
may think that todays game was won
on it's merits, but ask them to con-
slider the umpires. Why. / know OF a
whole lot of umpires that could of
-, II,
less innings than it took to play it.
Now as for the details of the game
the other experts can tell you what
was visible on the field, but very few
can tell you what really happened
in the Reds fourth. I suppose a whole
lot of you wondered what come of
when Pat Moran dashed up from the
first base coaching line and stopped
whatever game there was going on.
Well, here is the actual conversation
that occurred: MIR. Rigeler,'' said
Pat. st don't believe 1 know you"
II know you DON'T said Mr.. Rigler.
''as you have spelled my name wrong.
We'll" said Pat. Il just wanted to
know if you was one of the Riglers
from Crystal Falls?'
NO. said Mr.. Rigler.
The game then went on as usual!
The most interesting thing I could
find about the game was in the pro-
gram, and here is what says in part:
so and so beer has the largest sale
of any beer in the loop. So and so
beer is a case of good Judgment
Well. gents, that makes a man wonder
which beer is going to advertise next.
But on the other hand it says: The
pitcher who wins the game must be
in perfect physical condition, and the
same applies TO the game of life. We
respectfully refer you to the following
patrons: Mr.. Charles A. Comiskey,
Hon. Geo. Carpenter, Mr.. Ban B. john
son and Bishop c. P. Anderson"
So that puts me all up in the air
again, as / don't know who is going
to pitch tomorrow. whether it will be
Charles A. Comiskey or Mr.. Ban B.
Johnson or Bishop Anderson, but /
know It won't be a Carpenter, as he
charges too much per hour.