South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1919-02-02

Mishawaka can tell them how TO hold
the gouge good and high.
You can tell by the vigor with
which a certain class OF reformers
are preparing to pursue old Barley
corn that they are to let some very
big vices have easy sailing for
awhile.
South Bends big monument fund
viii be raised when somebody dis
covers a way to give the world all
the friend chicken it can eat with
out the necessity OF working for IT,
is said Jeanette Rankin wants
10 be clerk of the Sixty-sixth house
Why not? Jeanette is an able and
hopeless spinster, and there is no
danger that beautiful and dimpled
little impediments might appear to
interfere with her personal attention
TO the duties OF the position.
They say former King Manuel
wants to reign the throne of Portu-
gal If Manuel is getting three
square meals a day in London he
would better stay there. or come to
Mishawaka and get job at
the Wooden company. Portuguese
thrones are mighty hard sitting at
this time.
AS a true optirnist, we believe that
still more horrible noises are yet to
be invented The street cars and
| fire department motor are mild COM
pared 20 what is coming. But one
rooster in our block can beat them
all an hour before day.
The girls of our coffin days didn't
rub their noses 20 times a day to
get the shine off What caused this
epidemic of shiny snoot, anyway?
A Judge prescribes kissing as a
preventative of divorce. The judge
evidently fails to comprehend the
psychology OF the kiss. Where it is
charged with real power no pre-
scription is necessary. A perfunctory
smack is worthless. A high power
kiss is quite as apt to land outside
apt TO instigate as many divorces as
II prevents.
The $1,000 striking garment MAX
ers in New York will have a 44-hour
week and return TO work. Our no
ton is that the farmers of this coun-
try are losing a wonderful oppor-
tunity for fun and diversion by not
standing out for an eight-hour day.
They can get twice as much money
by substituting for 16.
Admiral Mayo says the expenditure
of a few hundred millions might
have prevented the war. That's the
trouble; a nations foresight is not
as good discovering emergencies as
it's hindsight is at the inquest.
Mr.. Armour speaks OF the "sus-
picious attitude of the public to-
ward the packers" There is no help
for It, A human being is naturally
constituted so that when he is COM
PEELED to pay rs cents a pound for
bacon he knows he's being robbed.
Butter in Chicago has dropped Is
cents a pound within two weeks.
There must be something wrong with
the Chicago climate. In Penn town
ship the very same butter has to be
loaded down with ballast to keep it
from flying TO the moon.
London dock laborers are demand
ing more beer and better beer. which
shows that there are all sorts OF de-
mands and ideals swirling around |
Versailles. and the chances are that
distinguished body may fall short a
few kilowatts, amperes or gulps of
perfecting humanity.
Keep the home gardens growing,
folks.
The courts may move the Wooden
and Dodge companies to Palestine.
but we don't believe Zionism will
ever move the Mishawaka Jews to
Palestine.
Another reason why prohibition
may become much more popular
than either its friends or enemies
dream is, being adopted. II is going !
to put the quietus on some very tire
some vociferators-of both sides.
The average woman who marries
expects her husband TO be a real
Meal Ticket" observes a Louisville |
preacher. Then is marriage indeed I
lottery in which many Of the
tickets are blanks.
The head of a family who has an /
income Of $4,000 year will have !
to pay an income tax of s3,7S3.O |
whereas a head OF a family with an
income of $4,000 Will have to pay |
only $50. 1t is merely because we so |
earnestly desire TO help our country |
that we wish we were in a position
TO pay the s3.7S3,030.
The Kansas City Times says il is
no longer safe for a woman to kill
her husband in Chicago. Is there
no chivalry in Chicago? A true
Southern gentleman would be proud
for his wife TO kill him IL it would
add TO her happiness. At least, We
have neVer heard OF one who made