Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1919-05-03
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~ eAND -
HEA23E
BAFFLED.

Dear o. D. X:
Since this is May.
Ny pen has grown poetic (???D
And so I'm sending these few lines
To show I'm sympathetic
With editors and poets, too,
Whose brains become k1netlc-
1t surely must be loads of fun,
To read the pile OF verses
On every subject meath the sun,
From Nemesis to nurses
And when the daily stunt is done.
Run home with bullying purses.
l wish .knew just what to do,
When editors grow fearless -
And manuscripts as good as new,
Return all torn and fearless,
Creating atmospheric blue
And making poets careless"
I'd hug the secret to my heart,
And hand my classic % lyrics,
On every editorial mart.
+ With postage and with derricks,
And then I'd count the checks enclosed
Till was in hysterics!!i E. T. S.
an reading it we took the liberty of sub
stituting "keerIess,' but we hesitated to man
gle the copy in such manner-Ed.
Some contribs., possibly with kindly intent
and z. T S. is of them-save US the
trouble or deprive us of the pleasure treason
it out for yourself which it isl of writing even
the headings for their contributions. After
reasoning it out in your own minds, co you
advise us to scold or vent our gratitude?
, SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.
Sir: Two aliens came into the office to pay
their INCOME tax, both having made slightly
more than a thousand dollars during the pre-
vious year l asked them if they were, citizens
of the United States. They said they didn't
know. In an effort to make myself clearer |
asked, "havc you taken out papers| yes.
yes" they chorused with light of understand
ing in their eyes. yes We take papers" When
did you take them out" was my next query.
oh, we take them right along, all time" one
of them answered. Then knew something was
wrong, and in one more desperate effort to
make myself understood / asked. What do you
mean you take 'em right along all time? What
papers?" why the Rock Island papers sure,
we take EN- ever since we come here" was
the quick reply T. e.
In starting to train yesterday for his match
with Jack Dempsey July 4, Jess Willard ran
10 miles. What does he think he going TO do?
Enter marathon with Dempsey?
= A Verita5le Gas Plan, as 1t Were.
News Item).
y Chicago-Frank Plant went TO France. He
encountered German gas attack. and spent
several months in the hospital result. Did
it bother him? Not par icle! He came home
and went to work-for the gas company.
The Club News publication of the Rock
Island arsenal club, p.ints an item stating that
Ben Mott is hack from MS vaCa .on. y
and sticking close to the contradictory charac
teristfcs of many publ GATORS il prints head
above the item wh-cA says: MOTT BACK
80 PLAY SAFE WHY NOT SIC THE PROHIBS
ON THE MOON, TOO?
Sir: If, as you said. the moon alone will
have the privilege OF getting full after July l,
we hope 10 will a tempt to teach it the
printers trade. and then such contradictory
stories as this may not appear often:
Dear Mrs. Thompson: l a widow and
for five years have had the grade schools foI
10 years.'-Argus, April 90. POP.
While Pops theory is correct, we see
slight improvement in the printer-proofrea
com bination. THURSDAY ms cad OF there being
three errors in the first item in this column as
was the Monday, We found only six in
the whole column.
DOING HER BIT FOR Mr. ROPER.
Sir: In order to do my bit toward relieving
the mental strain under which the commission
er of internal revenue is laboring result
sets underwear, | am willing to let it be
known. that far as am concerned Corsets
are NOT underwear. B. r. 4
A. K F. says: Little did the bard realize
his prophetic vision. when he ren1ed those
lines, now so full of meaning, Drink to me
only with thine eyes"
Yeah. the Laws Are SO Exacting.
From Leetonia. Ohio, Reporter.
Russell Smith arrived home from overseas
last week. Russell had to make visit to the
tailor before ne could discard his uniform.
Candy nanufacturer< have made the state
ment that candies will take the place of bey-
erages with alcoholic content after the nation
goes dry. If such be true it's guess. which