The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-22
MEN, WOMEN
 AND THINGS
'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

I
 I take my text this day from Mother
 Goose, and will illustrate it out of my
 own sad experience, for if ever a fel-
 low flew high and fell low. I am that
 individual.
 1 Wednesday I flew to Montgomery in an hour with my head wreathed in clouds. but before the week ended was
 down in dirt with tired dust covered
 feet trudging along county highways
 Now, Sid Lee is the man who led
 me to my downfall. For more than a
 month he had been crying up barbe-
 cue to be pulled off at Franklin ! school house up in St, Clair county in
 the interest of good roads. He doubly
 tempted me, for~he promised me barbe- ! cue and chance to speak.
 l I was to be the principal orator of
 the day, and signed up with him on the spot. The day before the cue was to
 be held he called me up saying that it
 was necessary for him to leave that
 afternoon in order to make some ar
 engagements to insure the success of
 the public gathering
 | It seems he had shifted the burden
 of transporting me on the shoulders of | Dr. E1wyn Ballard, who has a country l home at Kelly's Creek, about three | miles away from Franklin school house and who is intensely interested in in-
 proving the highways as at present he 1 has a rocky road to travel
 | Saturday morning while was busy typing a story in walked 8 smiling 1 faced, merry eyed gentleman, who in- troduced himself as Hewlette Ansley, l saying that he was to be one of the
 party to go out with Dr. Ballard. I
 invited him to sit down but he declin- l ed remarking that he would go down. stairs and stick around As I was
 quite busy I let him have his way |
 1 l never paid much attention to him when he first dropped in but if I had
 known what a treasure troye he was | going to be on the way out I would
 have given him "the all over" for if
 ever man rose to an occasion, he did. i Without him pr. Ballard would have 1 had poor assistance in the troubles to
 which he was put in trying to deliver
 the speaker of the occasion to the wait 1 ing assemb bly,.
 | I though I had been inflated into all | the mishaps that could befall a motor- | ist, but, believe me I got some things on Saturday that had been left out 1 of the curriculum i'll the schools from
 which I had graduated I have heard
 that gasoline engine is possessed with
 8 devil, but I am willing to testify on
 the stand in open Court that the Ford | car in which we were trying to ride
 had seven devils
 | The week before I had made the trip l to Montgomery in Mercer Barnett's big
 Packard and coasting down the mount ain I heard loud report and said 1 there goes a blowout" but he laugh l ing answered, "Oh she is just back 1 firing" and away we went. But be- 1 fore we got out of Woodlawn on Sat
 urday morning I heard what sounded
 like a pistol shot, and as quick as a
 flash another loud report By the look on the Doctors face I knew that we
 had hitched up with trouble.
 1 Can you beat it." he said. "'Twc blow-outs at the same time" From a | remark made by Hewlett Ansley I got
 a line on him, and knew that he was
 a fellow of infinite good humor, for with a chuckle he remarked This old l Ford is double barrelled contrap-
 tion." Before we had gone score of
 miles I was ready to think from the
 explosions that it was not an autono-
 bile at all but rapid fire machine
 gun camouflaged in a Ford body" | Hewlette and the Doctor shed their
 coats and I started to do likewise, but | i,,r rh~ l NY1 I-S II l we'll fix it, for you are the orator of
 the day, and it will never do for you
 to get mussedAp." I mildly protested that I wasn't to be looked on as a wall | flower but was ready to be of service, but they wouldn't let me get my hands dirty, or soil my clothes or ruffle my tempter, for they seemed to think had work ahead of me to get the crowd 1 stirred to contribute money Or time 1 to repairing the roads.
 | I used to say that if I ever wanted l to get anywhere in the country that I always felt sure that I would make | 1t if a one lunged Ford showed up to
 take me. but that I was always bit I in doubt if a high powered heavy car was put at my disposal. I find that
 every rule truly has it's exception. for l if ever a Ford got on a spree which l ended in delirium tremens, the one at 1 tempted to be driven by Dr. Ballard | ought to have been consfiscated by the purity squad for making a nuisance of itself on the public~highway
 l
 1 By one thirty D. m. we had made 22 miles, and had scored against the ma chine, four blowouts and six punctures I and had taken wheels off ten time 1 Only one of the four got through with I out miSbehaving and it seemed to be I so ashamed of the other three that we were in constant fear that it would 1 refuse to roll in sheer disgust; but it was made of sterner stuff and kept re- 1 volving, a much as to say. 'the others
 may be no good but keep your eye l on me-"
 Hewlette Ansley was on his way to Kelly's Creek to do some work on his l cottage which he is building along side of Dr. Ballard, He was carrying | a pair of old pants to use in place of overalls. At the first two blowouts he kept on his good trousers although
 he complained they were rather tight for stepping but when the machine just went crazy he got into the work ing ones. and sat in the middle of the road as he sang at his work while
 mending inner tubes.
 I have never in my life ridden with two men who under provoeation kept | as sweet and as free from profanity as did my two travelling companions for they tackled things which accord ing to an old saying were enough to make "a preacher cuss," but all the time the perspiraton was rolling off their faces they were singing Sunday h t1 At@