The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1919-03-25
The Fifty
Dollar Bill
(Copyright.)
By FRANK CONDOR

you Will md some hundreds of thou.
sands of wives in New York city with
their hair done up, their going-dOwn.
town shoes on, a severe and waiting
expression upon their countenances
and a wrist-bag suffering from com.
plete emptiness.
They are waiting for their hundreds
of thousands of husbands to come
; home from the office and hand over
without comment a sufficient amount
of money to relieve the wrist-bags OF
their paucity.
Mr.. James Joseph Sidell did not pull
down $50 a week, but through the
kindly help Of a delayed expense bill
the cashier at Wormer & Mulreavy's
broke the glad news.
you've got something extra this
week, Sidell," he announced, handing
over the envelope. "That expense &C.
count of yours has come through with
the official OK"
would you mind changing the fifty
into tens?" said Sidell placatingly.
'Tll need small money before night"
There isn't another drop of money
in the building" answered the cash
Ter. you can stop in somewhere and
get 1t changed"
Sidell stopped in the billing-room
long enough to flash the fifty and
dazzle O'Rourke. Then he inserted
the folded bill in his waistcoat pocket,
and O'ROurke amused several clerks
by skillfully extracting 1t and substi-
tuting in its place mental and lowly
five-dollar note.
At the moment O'Rourke changed
bills with Sidell, Mrs. Olive Sidell
ceased curling her hair on the sixth
floor of the apartment at the corner
of 10th street and Amsterdam ave
nue. and began to compute time.
Mrs. Olive Sidell was going down
town, and on the dining-room table lay
a slip of yellow paper on which was
written the names Of seventeen ar
ticles she wished to purchase.
81 need exactly eleven dollars and
nineteen CENTS" said Mrs. Sidel cheer
fully.
James Joseph knew that Olive was
waiting. He hurried out of the office
and turned into the, tawdry and vul-
gar place on the. corner.
"Give me a lemon and seltzer," he
said virtuously.
The gentleman in ermine behind the
mahogany placed the drink before him
with hard thought in his mind.
Can you change a f1fty-dollar bill p
inquired Mr.. Sidell casually.
do you think this is bank?" re-
torted the man, looking at James Jo-
seph peevishly.
Il thought you might have It," said
James.
II haven't" said the man.
Mr.. Sidell laid nickel on the coun-
ter He had borrowed 50 from
ORourke during the morning, and was
relieved to find most of it in his pocket
in the shape of small change.
He left the place in a slightly un-
pleasant frame of mind, and wandered
toward the subway, slowly and halt
ingly, but with q general notion of
getting into a train.
There's no sense in taking home a
fifty-dollar BILL" he reflected. solve
doesn't need it and she can't change
it, and besides, it's too much to hand
to q woman who is going downtown
on q shopping tour. / must break this
BILL"
Once again he entered a gilded den
Of iniquity. The man behind looked
at him brightly as he cast anchor d.
rectfy before the gold cash-register.
"Give me a milk and seltzer," he
said
"Give you a whatp said the man,
peering at James Joseph, and raising
his voice as he said the word "what."
"a milk and seltzer," repeated Mr..
Sidell.
The man sneeringly reached for the
milk bottle, and more sneeringly
squirted the settler at the glass.
Can you change f1fty-dollar bill2"
he asked firmly, and with his blue
eye fastened intently upon the gray
eyes of the barman.
"No; and, what's further informa-
ton, l can't play the bagpipes, and /
can't initiate Eddie Foy, and I can't
make my ears wiggle, and there's a
lot of other things l can't do. This
is saloon, not the mint"
Crestfallen and chastened, James
Joseph tore another nickel away from
the O'Rourke loan, and paid for the
milk and settler.
He began to feel a strange throbbing
within him as the milk closed with
the lemon in a death grapple, with the
settler as referee; and when he hove
within sight of the next life-saving
station, he hurried forward with a
stride that almost betokened enthusi-
asm.
"Have you got something for a pain
in ones stomach" he inquired, and
the genial pirate behind the casing
nodded and Immediately began stir
ring a wooden spoon in a thick glass.
Here's lookin' at you," he said
amiably. 'Have you got change for a
fifty-dollar bill?"
'No, sir" replied the man. "There
amt change for fifty in New York
city. If we had that much money in
this joint, we'd close up and go to the
seashore."
Sorrowfully, James hewed away an
other section of O'Rourke's bequest
and paid for the pain-killer. He felt
considerably cheered life was not the
dull, drah thing 1t had been. The
lemon and milk ceased quarreling and
everything was as happy as day in
June.
At Franklin street, he shouldered
his way through the half-holiday crowd
and entered another place.
| Il have a pain in my stomach, so
please give me something for it, and
can you change a fifty-dollar bill?" he
said pleasantly.
"What is this-a monologueT asked
the man, "or did you come in here for
the customary reason?"N
81 have a pain and a fifty-dQllar
bill, and want both of them changed"
James replied.
"If l had a fifty-dollar bill, I'd have
a pain myself" said the man, "What'll
you haveT
James told him Immediately and
spent several minutes explaining the
difficulty of getting bill changed.
keep on up Broadway" advised
his host. you're bound to hit 1t some
where
! Fourteenth street doomed up on the
Sidell horizon, and still the crisp bill
nestled in his waistcoat-pocket.
/ Religiously, he made every stop, or
{ dered a drink out of sheer necessity
of ordering, and asked for change.
At o'clock, he was at Ninety-sixth
! street and behind him trailed an I'm.