The Prescott daily news., 1919-11-10
TWEEzER BUYS A MUFFLER
oid Jumbo Stampeds Religious Con. gregation-A Bad Case of Dis.
 orderly Conduct.

giueo to his face, and without any cause whatever, reeled off line If conversation about a patent he had for sale. He said scientists had made great strides in the last few years in the way of inventions, but the man who snores has put one over them Now, said he, why don't scientists wlse up, and take the snore out of man. It has taken the musical bray out of the mule, but has left man with his high power nostrils to make niqbts hideous.
 Then the old geyser twisted the end of his goatee with his thumb and fin ger, and waited for the vaseline to soak in on me. Then he scratched about in his clothing like a person feeling for "cootie" or some other deadly instrument. Finally he fished out a small machine which had the appearance of a gas mask, and placed it on the table before me.
 This is muffer, the professor ex- plained. It is guaranteed to deaden any sound human nostril or a Ford can make. Then he strapped it to his nose to show me how the thing worked.
 
 It seemed to work all right, at least 1t did to person who has been thrown out of windows, and elected from hotels at all hours of the night for snoring, so l was an easy victim, and the professor had no trouble in jar ring me loose from my coin.
 Now l did not care to spring this angel of mercy machine on my wife until l had thoroughly tested it, as it might back-fre or fail to spark-hten l knew l would be up against it, and would have to hunt for another roast ing place.
 It was Saturday night when I put the muffier in my pocket and started out to look for old Jumbo. 1 had | learned that he was big black negro, weighing over two hundred pounds on foot, and belonged to the snorer's union. 1 had no difficulty in finding his cabin, and when I approached it 1 knew from the rasping sound I heard, old Jumbo was at home and sleeping soundly while the rest of the house. hold wasn't. So 1 slipped in the room where he was sleeping and after ad- justing the muffler, I strapped it good and hard to his nose as did not want to have any blow-outs or punctures while 1 was testing the machine. Then sat down on the bed and waited for results. Presently gurgle set up in his throat that sounded like pitcher pump when it is being primed. Then of sudden his eyes bulged out and cracked open with wild stare. Then he reached for the ceiling with his long arms, and without any assist ance whatever, he went out of that bed with a wild shoot and out through the window, carrying the sash with him. Instinctively he hit the ground running, and went over barbed wire fense into a cotton field. tralled him by the cotton that was falling like wads of fur after a cat fight. Now and then he would touch oil hls voice-it sure was a gusher with all the cyclone attachments. l knew from the mortuary table, the gait he was going the angels would soon claim him for their own.
 After spell Jumbo turned otf into grove, thinking he might rld hlm- self of his troubles, but it just so nap nened at that particular time the col cred population was holding pro tracted meeting in the grove. The eloouence of the preacher had aroused the congregation to the highest pitch of religious fervor. "Dar's day comin'," shouted the preacher, "when you gwinter hear dem dry bones rattle-dar's a day comin' when Gawdermighty gwine to pit behind you sinners wid streak oo lightning and you gwine to hear some tbing drop, den you gwine to wish you had paid tention to be gospel ole Satan am comin' dis berry night
 Then as in direct answer to his ap- neal there came the most unearthiy