The Irish standard., 1919-07-05
ExEUNT sPIR1TUs FRUMENT1 ET AL.

EXEUNT sPIR1TUs FRUMENT1 EFT AL.
With July ! came the abomination of desiccation
foreshadowed by the latter day prophets of depr-
walton, at least until after rehabilitation. Hence
forth we are apt to hear few complaints about the
humidity of the atmosphere, and more about the
extreme arldlty in all the national ATTITUDES. In
tense fever with concomitant discomforts apt
to prevail among those not acclimated to the
meteorological and psychological conditions. After
the deluge it will be remembered that Noah and his
crew on the ark sought anxiously for long time
for dry spot until at last Mr.. Ararat was found
Now the quest will be for an area of wetness for
relief from the universal drought of the desert.
Oasis will be popular if at all reasonably accessible
Many may be tempted to risk the dangers of aerial
transportation to Europe in the way Of relief, and
tramp vessels on the high seas may also find
abundant patronage if they are ballasted with the
right stuff Many realize now as never before the
truth of the legend our blessings brighten they
take their fight" :s
about to depart from our nhospitable shores. In
cluded in his encourage are that radical fellow
Spiritus Frumenti, the toughest member of the
gang, and his immediate relatives of the juniper
berry tribe said to be favorite with the Ethiop-
ians, and the moasses branch of the stock that fig
ured so conspicuously in the early New England
activities Miserable dictu, the sparkling and vi
vacious Bacchus cousins of the Barleycorns, cele-
brated in song and story from time whereof the
memory of man runneth not to the contrary are
ton in their hands, provided by their unsympa-
thetic and top-timbered neighbors, who are inn
mune to the appeal of the Horatian odes and all
other rational propaganda
Et tn Gambrinus! Though you were made or
iginally in Germany you were an excellent mixer.
and had made multitudes of friends in these lati-
tudes. But your percentage of the Barleycorn
strain, scarcely discernible to the average citizen
has made you taboo among the expert scientific
bunch who are always capable of seeing things and
viewing them with alarm. We know not what
germ, mlcrobe, organism, lays in your little
inside that has excited the indignation and appre-
hension of the anti-alcoholic virtuosos-but what's
the use of augmentation? Judgment has been
pronounced and execution is at hand. There can
be no stay or appeal allowed so all that remains is
to say good-bye," Eau revoir' ("Auf Wieder-
sebn," verboten).
With the heads of the several Barleycorn fami-
lies will also depart their and interesting
offspring of numerous combinations and permuta-
tons The task OF enumerating them would excite
tender recoections in the minds of their quondam
associates and chums. Gone they but not for
gotten, the mint juleps the cocktails the hig-bas,
emonsours etc. to refresh and rejuvenate the peo-
pie OF other and more hospitable lands. Less re-
GREETED will be the roughneck members of the
Barleycorn family, among which were the horses
neck the stone-fence, and the low-grade booze
shots of the nickel or dime variety
AS they take their leave the Barleycorn contin-
gent may admit some faults and abuses, but may
| be chuckling at the discomforture that may be
| created by their elimination in toto. Meanwhile
the 2N per cent stuff and Peruna will be on the
market to aeliorate the asperities of the drastic
situation.