The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-09-14

charity and less bump, it would dis
 perse green-eyed monster and improve | general appearance"
 | PEACE NIGHT, EASTBOURNE-I the
 Flapper whose arithmetic or eyesight l was so defective that she was unable | to distinguish between Room 169 and Room l96 will communicate with Box | Ii. SSS, the Times, she will have the opportunity of apologizing to the aston
 lshed officer in the blue pajamas. | Beachy Head, one may explain, is
 famous headland on the South Coast ot England, and one can conjecture what
 was done there to infuriate FIapper, or
 possibly one of Flapper's masculine ad-
 mirers. As for the second advertise
 ment. what eventuated is fairly evident,
 but it is not quite certain whether what
 the officer in the blue pajamas desires
 is really an apology or an opportunity of continuing the acquaintance thus be-
 gun. One shrewdly suspects the latter. Thus a new use has been found for the
 celebrated agony column of the "Thun-
 derer,' as the Times is called, which always provides amusing and frequently
 curiosity-provoking reading. Who on
 earth, one often wonders, inserts such
 personals the following, each of
 which is complete in itself: | "SEBASTIAN, Sebastian" Just those two exclamatory words.
 "SINBAD-The poop's shifted amidship. Avast,-Gunga'
 "E. P.-Letter received The answer is
 George the Third.-1''
 IS. X.-C. 2 plus minus B." Double sIx-Have you gathered in the harvest st?-Double Three , Tn the next two personals we have a sequence, the rebuked perhon having, apparently, taken his snub with lamb like humility:
 EUDO-SMERDES-I like neither you nor your dress suit.--Tiglath" "TIGLATH-Serv him right. Him nasty fellow.-Pseudo-S Smerdes." And here is a case in which one corre- respondent. by means of advertisement seems at least to have been put out of patience with the other: UNDERSTAND three years waiting make you desperate Don't send again Cannot care for advertising mailman A. C." It has frequently been suggested that some of these weird Times personals are in reality code messages between per sons engaged in shady practices, and during the war, still more sinister the- ory in regard to them was held by at least one patriotic individual. Admiral Sir Reginald Hall who throughout the war, was head of the intelligence depart ment of the British admiralty, told me that among the other persons with the
 
 with their crack -braned appearing Times personals, were in reality irs.ruc- lions from Berlin to Hunnish secret agents in this country, or vice versa. "He read instructions for a raid on Dover in an advertisement for lost Peknese, chucked the admiral, "and a signal for an air raid on London in a personal making an appointment at the Trocadero. So convinced was he that he almost persuaded me that there might be something in it. By way of testing him, I myself inserted a per sonar in the Times without his knowl- edge. This threw the chap into positive convulsion. He was convinced that my personal was the signal for an invasion of England. at the very least and, recognizing him now as a mere crank, I explained how I had hoaxed him and advised him to quit his spy-hunting in the agony column, and, incidentally, to bother me no more.
 Over and over again, one finds Bible texts inserted as personals addressed to nobody in particular and doubtless paid for either by clergymen or religious enthusiasts. Often, too, advertisements appear referring to some service rendered the advertiser years ago in some distant part of the world, the following being recent example
 "Genoa-Will the gentleman who be- friended clergyman at Hotel smith, December, 1904, kindly communicate with Box K 5, the Times?" Another recent development in Times "agonies" is what one might term mash advertisements, which one is rather surprised to find the dignifed ''Thunderer'' countenancing. Here are two recent ones:
 SAVOY DANCE-Many thanks. Her es-
 cort was Coldstreamer two pips, M. C. Apparently with party Red shoes,