davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
LUKE M,LUkE SAYS

If man is cross-eyed, he knows it. and lets it go at that. But if girl is pretty she has to look into the mirror every 10 minutes to make sure of the fact.
 About the time married man gets a train of thought going, his wife comes along and sasses the conductor.
 A wealthy man can afford whole stable of hobbies. But a poor man has to be content to ride on one.
 Sometimes an old maid gets so lonely that she would rather have a pet corn than have nothing at all to pet.
 A fat woman may get out of breath from walking, but she never gets out of breath from talking
 Any wife can tell you that if she hau 96 ash trays in the house her husband would continue to use the rugs.
 If man is capable. he klows it. Just stick around for a while and he'll put you next to the fact.
 Another tiresome fool is the man who uses big word when little word would express his meaning better.
 In the average homo Mother supplies the Patience while Father supplies the Profanity.
 Pity the poor Mexican. He is a down trciden, misgoverned. low-browed wretch who hasn't any high minded Congress tt force war time prohibition on hin when there isn't any war. And there wouldn't be so many mer flirts if the women flirts didn't give then so much encouragement.
 A lot of men who do not know anything about botany can tell . blooming idio when they see one.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
From the New York Herald.

From the New York Herald
 ID EcENT announcements of the lN\ birthday anniversary of promi-
 nent citizens who have passed be- yond the allotted three score and ten revive the old problem of the fountain of youth. Men and women will. in the very
 nature of things. grow old: but why should old age be accompanied with dis ease and decay, ressinlsm and pain? The love of liviag io the most profound instinct of mankind. We cling to life most desperately. Why should not thi. natural desire be the companion of joy and happiness to the last? Men have searched the world over for the tradi- tional elixir of youth. either to lose their lives in the search or to turn back with the realization that it is to be found only in human hearts and souls.
 What are~t the gkeys to happy and prolonged life? Where are the springs of eternal youth? Speaking spiritually they lie in self-control. clear conscience. confidence in one's self and faith in oth- CTS. Theer is nothing so disintesratins as uncontrolled temper; nothing so shriv- cling as guilt; nothing so enervating as extreme tinidity; nothing so narro"ihE
 as suspicion and jealousy
 It is worry, not work. that kills. Worry never earned a days wage, never met a
 grocery bill, never paid note, never accomplished anything worth while. on
 the contrary, it destroys the engine anu
 the boiler.
 Science has long sought to prolons hu-
 man life and has succeeded in measure.
 But science is only advanced common
 sense plus higher revelation of the
 secrets of nature.
 The temple we call the body is ours
 to perfect or to mar. In our use or 1t
 lies the secret of ripe old age In his
 famous disceasse on old age Cicero says:
 Thus old age is honorable where it takes
 care to support it's proper rights and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
FREEDOM OF THE PRESS

From the Memphis Commercial Appeal. GClHE severity of a states libel laws is fair test of the backward = wardness of that state Usually where the libel laws are the severest in the United States there is graft and ircompetency in office.
 Those states having the worst libel leaders and gangsters in Texas have successfully fought any effort to make it so that a scoundrel or thief in pub lie office can be exposed and not have a right to recover damages against the paper or individual making the expos ure
 A few years ago a law was passed in Missouri making it so that a newspaper corporation was compelled to answer a suit for libel in any county in the state. Under this law shyster lawyers and shyster politicians and cheap crooks be- oeviled the larger newspapers with suits. Many of them were filed on the most trivial grounds, and for while the pa pers settled by a small remittance. rath- CT than incur the expense of making a fight.
 Recently the supreme court of Mis- souri has rendered a decision stopping this sort of legalized blackmail.
 That court also went on record>in de- claring the right of a newspaper to crit icize public officials and to show their shortcomings and not he bound by the same rule as controlled when criticiz- ing a private individual.
 Several years ago the Post-Dispatch found the conditions in the Missouri penitentiary to be ahorinable. The pris- opers were ttated like dogs and also robbed. The Post Dispatch was, accord irgly, sued by guard or an attache. The case was tried in a remote county and verdict of sSo,0oo was entered. The case was reversed by the supmere court.
 In discussing the right to criticize a public official the court announced this ooctrine
 There can be no question at this time that the citizens of this state, through newspapers and otherwise, have the right
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
MAXIMA CARTA

Underw Johnsonan h rev wYorkTm
  Of 
 
  a goal ne andp $
  Kings al nc m Come in Haste O Earth you rnonio hoed adness shal Q w q
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

gives them not weakly away, but asserts them to the last For, as we commend such youths as show something of the solidity of old age. so we do the same by the aged who express the liveliaess of youth
 Some poet has said: My age still keeps the dew of the morn
 And what have I give Being right glad that I was born
 And thankful that I live.
 Tennyson, at the age of 80, sat on the shore of time and wrote:
 Sunset and evening star
 And one clear call for me. The fountain of youth is in every hu- man breast. If partaken of freely it will fengthen the three score and ten to four score and ten and make the sunset of life a new awakening, source of gra- cious joy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
PASSING OF THE BARTENDER

PASSING OF THE BARTENDER From the Review,
 When the bartender is gone. perhaps we shall appreciate him more Per haps we shall realize that on that fatal day passes an institution. Then will be destroyed the calling of men who have in humble place unconsciousiy and unostentatiously preserved the elsewhere lost art of conversation; that art of creating among advent- tious paying guests social atmos- phere-sometimes, alas! too exhilarat- ing, but on the whole, soothing and satisfying. When some college pro- lessor in later years writes. a. ne will write. a book on the influence of the bartender upon American political ideals, let us hope that it will contain some chapter on the influence of the bartender. on American social life.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

Fourteen homicides in Jefferson coun- ty in one month. Prohibition doesn't t prevent murder.
 x < % The Hon. Willard still thinks he can defeat Dempsey. but expresses no will ingness to try.
 x x # Instead of being surfeited on Wilsonian rhetoric the plain people are calling for more.
 < # f The late John Fox was one of the men who married F'ritzi Scheff.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
.Ap,slEzI3NlAant4H
MORE ABOUT BLIMPs

From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
 The K-s4, to be accurate. is not real blimp, only an overgrown blimp. The genuine blimp. according to Major Scott. and he ought to know, is 'fileted rigid" which clears up the mystery of what blimp is. if anybody knows some- thing about fileted rigid.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

with peculiar interest. If the ma- jority of Birmingham's population were to observe the Sunday law, even as it stands on the books today, this
 would be an uncommonly quiet town.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

sugar. An here's the money to pay for
 'em'" said the small customer. breath lessly. That's only half a dollar, son." re- piled the grocer. Has your mother just
 walked up from a five-year nap?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
War Savings and
 Thrift Campaign

wv hAnH 'ne AiaDan'a memorial w campaign has dragged in all but few counties, the War Savings land Thrift canvass is progressing satisfactorily. The people are being educated in the importance of invest ling in Uncle Sam's small securities, land especially are they learning the importance of cultivating the habit of thrift.
 All over the country the sale of Savings Stamps is increasing steadily. Alabama is keeping we'll abreast of the other states and in many instances is going ahead. The organization is thorough and without any effort at intensive drives, large results are in evidence.
 The Alabama memorial campaign should be speeded up. This splendid cause must not fail. But drive and an intensive drive at that, should be the rule until the full quota is raised. Many generous contributions to the memorial building have been made. any many persons of moderate means have given all they could spare. But thousands upon thousands have vet to be heard from. Let's have a drive next week such as brought over-the- top achievements during the war.
 F * j.
 The interest Alice Paul is taking in the Alabama suffrage situation 1t not par ticularly pleasing to state suffrage workers who gave Alice frosty recep- tion the last time she visited the be- nighted south.
 T x F
 It is announced that Henry Ford will soon make T a day the minimum wage for employees of the Ford Motor Go, Henry seems determined to leave or ganized labor without leg to stand on
 as E *
 It was reasonably safe to predict that Germany would sign tho peace treaty. It is equally safe to predict that the United States Senate will ratify the peace treaty and the league of nations.
 * # F
 The lure of the circus was too strong for the new heavyweight champion to resist. The Hon. John L. Sullivan in his pa.my days scorned to compete with the wild man from Borneo
 writer in the New Republic describes Kolchak as monster in human form. Possibly the same writer has an idea that Lenine and Trotzky are the worlds foremost humanitarians.
 x * $
 It is estimated that Paris will have population of H,30O.000 in 1969 A large percentage may be Americans who have gone over in quest of a drink.
 * x *
 The ld-fashioned man who used to con- f;de his troubles to bartender is going to have a hard time getting sympathy out of soda jerixer.
 .
 Borah. Lodge and others should take hint from the enthusiastie reception given President Wilson on his return to America.
 T
 President Wilson's auditors who have been watching him closely to detect Gallic shrug have so far been disap- pointed.
 F F F
 Isn't Won Tirpitx bit backward in of fering himself as substitute for the sacred person of the Kaiser?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Beginning the Day

The first thing I do in the morning Is to read the Age Herald" said Dr. c. A. Harris of Bessemer, and in my opinion it is the most conservative paper published in the district. I don't feel as if I have started the day right without my paper and in addition to news matter I do enjoy the cartoons and Luke McLuke The things he says are very clever and he certainly does know human nature.
 get the Age-Herald and although 1t would be a month old I would read every word in it. It was just like getting a letter from home as it told so many things about the people we had left behind"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
CUMULATIVE DESIRES.

CUMULATIVE DESIRES
 Clipping is thinking of buying a new
 motor car. He can't be happy, it seems.
 with less than three machinss-" Well, he has the money to indulge in
 that kind of extravaganza"
 ITO be sure. I was just thinking about
 the days when Clipping was poor He
 used Ito say the height of his ambition
 was to be able to own two pairs of sus- penders at the same time.''
 THEY WANT ITO FORGET IT. 'He's a self-made man."
 But I never hear him bragging about it." He has two highly educated daugh- ters. They rather discourage references to the time when he ate in his under shirt and smoked a clay pipe" WORTH WHILE Full many a man Will toll and plan 10 WreSt prize from fate: Through weary years Of hopes and fears On tardy fortune wait. The shadows fall, Death crowns it all And what avals the quest? Not much, it seems, But he clung to his dreams And gave the world his best PAJII, CODE
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Henry ".

BEGINNING THE DAY - Lord, help me to be kind. Fill me with grace. Help me to fit into my cir cumstances. May I be q part of the music. Save me from se1f-assertive- ness, from ugliness, from that awlS- wardness which betnkes a lack of strength. and that roughness, which denotes the coward. In Christ's name. Amcn.-H. NJ. F..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Beautifm Scenery Here

That is certainly a beautiful sight, said Lieutenant Jack Pearson, formerly of the Lost Battalion of the 77th divi- sion, known as the Liberty" outfit, in taking look from the top of Red Mountain. Tt is wonderful and in our travels overseas. don't think I've ever beheld any prettier sight in seen cry and Business industry than that before my eyes,
 Lieut.. Pearson, is from New Orleans and at present is in the hospital in Asheville, N. C., suffering from the after effects of being gassed. He re- fused to tell anything about what hap pened to the battalion in the days in which it was reported lost, when ques- tioned.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Like Reans In tbe Navy

Talk about being a ''K. P" kitchen police) in the army I believe I have certainly peeled some spuds,'' said Claude Hollis, recently discharged from the Wildcat" division. There was day when I thought all would be quiet. l looked at the company bull letin board and there was my name in blazing letters. The detail was formed. It marched to the kitchen and as it happened the mess sergeant said this was only light day and he needed only a few potatoes peeled for stew. We'll, I'd hate to see that mess sergeant on a busy day, especially when they were serving potatoes in more ways than one, for we peeled only Il cans,~"G. l." type for this light meal"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Prohibition In Louisville

"I spent a few days in Louisville last week and found the prohibition law strictly observed-more so I am told than in Birmingham" said P. w. Hall
 Every whisky saloon in the Ken lucky metropolis has been converted into soft drink parlor. But learned that large quantities of all kinds of alcoholic beverages were stored in warehouses for private use.
 There is no law in Kentucky to pre- vent citizen from keeping in his pos session all the liquor he had stored away. Home and office sideboards, therefore, are as well furnished as ever. A visitor to Louisville who hap pens to have a friend with the latch string out and with sideboard with in. gets all the drinkables he may care for. but the wayfarer who Is friend less will remember the Blue Grass city as bone-dry."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

EASY TO LOOK AT. 1T hear you have entered motion pie lures"
 I've had small part for three weeksr' How are you getting along?" That's hard to say. I have no diff culty in registering admiration for the star, however
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

Washington bureau. POT Hibbs build ing.
 European bureau, 10 King street, Covent Garden, London, w. C. z.
 Eastern business office, World build ing. New York city; western business office. Tribune building, Chicago. The $. c. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for foreign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
PROFITABLE TEMPERANCE

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 In Coney Island. the saloons have been SC busy supplying the demand for 275 beer that they. have had. no time to break the law and sell whisky. When temper ance is profitable, good-by to booze
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Member of the Associated Press

The Age-Herald is the only morning and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham carving the Associated Press dis patches.
 The Associated Press Is exclusively entitled to the use for publication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news published herein.
 All rights of republication of special dispatches herein are also reserved
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
CASUS BELL

From the Montgomery Advertiser.
 A H-year-old markswoman in Chicago, after killing her lawyer beau. said: Gee! I'm glad I did that" He had engaged himself to a blonde, The brunette there upon put on her war paint.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

TOWING HIM DOWN.
 How about that college graduate who recently joined the staff?" Al Hes doing pretty wel1," replied the city editor, but his style is still a trifle too academic
 'Yes?"
 So I've put him on the police beat. where he'll have chance to learn the language of the plain people,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
John Fox Knew
 Mountain People

THE late John Fox was one of the
 \ foremost American novelists. He wrote with rare sympathy and charm of the mountain folk, those rugged and picturesque people whose simple lives reveal many a romance to the discerning eye.
 His gifts as a story teller charmed all his readers, but those who were familiar with the types he delineated were struck by the extraordinary fidel- fly with which he portrayed the noun taineer. He transferred to the pages of his books men and women little known to the outside world, who have nevertheless been called the purest Anglo Saxon stock in America. No une who has ever read a John Fox story has put the book down without realization that the writer drew his inspiration direct from the everla .ting hills. The primitive virtues of the mountaineer, his vendettas, his court ships and his quaint humor and philos- ophy are all to be found in the pages of John Fox novel.
 "A Mountain Europa" "A Cumber- land Vendetta" "Hell for Sartain," !" sThe Kentuckians," "Crittenden, !" Bluegrass and Rhodendron," "The Trail of the Lonesome Pine," "The Heart of the Hills," Following the Sun Flag" Christmas Eve on Lone some," and "The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come" are titles that will re- call many a happy hour spent in the society of John Fox and the people he knew 50 we'll. They represent no mean contribution to American liter Rture.
 Strict Sunday Closing
 Of Soft Drink Business
 6NHE bin introduced in the lower
 U house of the Alabama legisla- tme and referred to the temperance committee forbidding the sale on Sun day of soft drinks and other wares usually permitted, will have many supporters. There is general state hw making the sale of anything ex- eepting medicines unlawful on Sum- day, but it is not enforced. A specific statute such as is now proposed would b carried into effect.
 This is an age of reform, and al- though many people think it is no harm to buy fruit, ice cream, soda water and the like on Sunday, pro- test against drastic measure in- tended for, enforcement would be of little avail, perhaps, if the solons ral- lied to the "blue laws" standard.
 Birmingham, Montgomery, Mobile md ether soft drink cities would look stzange indeed with every vender of 6oe enesm closed on Sunday; but no Stx4nger, however, than some of the reforms that have been enforced within recent times.
 If the legislature adopts the pend- ing bill the law would be obeyed for hvhile, but would the community de-
 !ed of soft drinks in a nonalcoholic M Fitory enjoy life as it did before?
 he experiment would be watched
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

BEHIND THE TIMES. Ma says she wants two bars of soap, an a pound of coffee an a pound of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

ALARMISTS Alas, the league of nations Some statesmen can't abide: In heated oratory
 They mock it and deride. They say we've sold our birthrisht To races OCT the seas, The African, the Hindu, The willy Japanese. The Father of His Country Turns over in his grave, For that his sober counsels No more have weight to save. The flag, they say it softly catch comes in their throat Above a sovereign people Will shortly cease to float.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
SUBSCRIPTION RATES

By mail in United States and Canada: Daily and Sunday, year ......'..-SS'Vo Daily without Sunday ........-.. I'VV Daily and Sunday, three months %'ze Dailv and Sunday. one month. .. .S5 S,Indav Age-Herald. per annum... 300 Thurs.5avss edition. per annum .... -5o By carrtsr. in Greater Birmingham
 Daily and Sunday, week ...... -zp
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address
 THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

No communication will be published without its authors name Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
Congratulate me, gentlemen, I've found a volunteer.

The Ko-K of Germany and Amerongen has improved on the idea He has found seven volunteers, and doubtless the list will lengthen till 1t includes many others It may even include Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria, the author of the deportations and Field Marshal von Mackensen, who burned. robbed and murdered all of Ru- mania that he could lay his hands on. Perhaps the authors of the prison camp atrocities will join in, as well as the com mercial gentlemen, outside the army, who received the stolen goods from north ern France Of course, they are all go- ing to be tried and punished anyway, Bue that does not absoive them from the duty of joining the line of substitutes for a defendant whose punishment is likely to be lighter than their own.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12

Time that takes survey of all the world. Must have stop.
 Henry ".
 E x x
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
TELEPHONE

Bell (private exchange connecting all depnrtments) Main 490O.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-07-12
HOHENZoLLERN SUBSTITUTES

From the New York Times.
 Field Marshal von Hindenburg now writes to Marshal Foch offering to serve as a substitute for the ex-Emperor when the trial comes off. He places his person Cprovided. we suppose, that he is to be tried as substitute and not for his own crimes) fully and absolutely at the disposal of the allied powers
 This makes seven, so far as the count has proceeded. First came Bethmann Hollweg, then the five younger sons of the Kaiser, and now Hindenburg. Where is Tirpitz? Doubtless we shall hear from him soon, for he has no more sense of humor than the rest. The name we eag- erly look for is that of the officer who sacked and burned Louvain, Major von Manteuffel. When may we expect him to offer himself as a substitute for the Kaiser? Major von Beulow, too, he who ordered the massacres of Aerschot, why does he lag? Should not Gen. Lirnan von Sanders, the responsible German au- thoritysfor the Armenian massacres imi- tate the example of Bethmann and his six followers? Or Baron won der Lanck- en, but for whom Edith Cavell and Captain Fryatt would not have died? ? At least Lieutenant Wernher, Command CT Valentiner, and Commander von Forstner, who amused the tedium of a lcng war by sinking hospital ships, ought to come to the front, and doubtless they Will; for the line of substitutes has evil dently just begun to form
 The exKaiser, or whoever it was Sthat staged this wholly impossible farce, evil dently got the idea from Gilbert's pro- phetic comic opera, The Mikado." It will be remembered that it was necessary for the Lord High Executioner to execute the sentence of death on somebody, it didn't matter whom. When Nanki-Poo reckless ly offered his own, person, the William Hohenzollern of the opera joyously sang: