davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Wrinkles In Bruce's
Forehead Revealed
Altar Step to Roomy

The greatest event in the life of
Bruce Bishop, popular figure in
the "Wow" building including the
hold" several fathoms below sea
OF. street level, was circulated in full
blast among his friends.
The event was epochal in Bruce's
life. 1t was his marriage OH Oc-
tcber 90. But Bruce, didn't want no
publicity wats'ever" ON the deal, he
said, for he didn't want his wife's
fathers uncle's mother-in-law'sl eld-
est child or someone else more i'm
portant to/know about it.
But the crime, er, er, happy event
came out through the benedict's
own confession when persistent
acquaintances pestered the answer
out, of him.
Il knew he looked worried bout
sumthin'" his roommate remarked.
"'Cause he's got couple wrinkles
on his forhead, an | know he don't
drink coffee out of saucer
Anyhow. Bruce is happy.
Granted and admitted.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
H..C. Of L. May Bring
Skirts Much Higher
in Omaha in November

They're going to wear 'em higher
this winter, and they're wearing 'em
up to the-ah-knees in the east
now, according to Louie Nash OF
Burgess-Nash company.
People are living very high in the
east at present, and dressing the
same way, too, he reports. He states
that he does not know whether the
Omaha skirts will follow the eastern
patterns to extreme degrees, but is
expecting the Omaha streets to be-
come much, much more interesting
about November.
High shoes are to go with the
high skirts and high prices with the
high shoes. He does not believe.
however, that the recently initiated
half-hose styles will be worn IN con-
junction with the ultra-modern
skirt.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

was invited to attend the moving
picture theater that night.
All the town folk and ranchers for
miles around gathered in the thea
ter. A half hour passed and the
crowd was awaiting the beginning OF
the show
The manager, doorman. janitor
and usher of the theater, all in one
person, calmly urged the spectators
to have patience. Another IS min
utes passed, and even he grew irk-
some.
"Waal, peoples, jest hold on ter
yer seats until / send messenger
after that there city duke" the man
ager announced, quite emergetically.
Several minutes later. Tom was
found asleep at the, hotel. He was
reused and requested to report to
the theater as honored guest at a
moving picture performance.
"'Ain't | the lucky guy" was all
he could say.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Utopian Restaurant With
Startling Prices Found
But Don't Wear Out Your
Shoe Leather Looking
For It-Buy a Rail-
road Ticket Instead.

Looks like a death-blow to the
well-known h. C. of l., doesn't it?
Notice that the date is right up to
date, too.
The foods are all of the best
quality, we'll cooked and served un-
der conditions of absolute eleanli-
ness.
"But the name and address of this
rtopian restaurant" you shout
All, to be sure. You want the
name and address. You want to
patronize it. Is that not so? Yes,
yes.
Well, it's in Chicago, at the pack
ing plant of Swift & Co. Take a
train to Chicago. Then go to the
stock yards and turn to the left
and you'll find it. Get a job at
Swift's and you will be allowed to
eat in this cafeteria. 1t is operated
for employees only.
Meals are served at cost, but not
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
By EDWARD BLACK.

The Leffingwell hut was envel-
oped in the alcoholic blues, or some
other form of mental enervation,
when Boss Leffingwell returned
from the days work, his mind filled
with sublimated ideas of how to be
merry and playful, although there
may be only one ton of coal in the
basement, the garbage can falling to
pieces, and the price ofprunes going
up. He resolved on the way home
that he would thrust his propaganda
of cheer into the midst of the Lef-
fingwell home circle, and the more
he turned the matter over in his
mind, the more he was impressed BY
his own perspicacity.
The day had gone well with him
| for man had paid back borrowed
dollar and he had obtained,>a sea,
on home-bound street car. He
felt equal to making transconti-
mental nonstop flight If his name
had been called. He was in one .sof
those moods that gives great
promise and nets small perform
ance. As he swung around the
corner Of his bed and board, with
his dinner pail at his side, and hum
ming. "The Church in the Wild
wood" lie heard familiar voices in
the Leffingwell kitchen.
Clouds in the Sky.
Mrs. I.effmgwell had not found
the day conducive to elation.. In,
stead of being the apotheosls OF
peace and poise, she was the last
word of jaded nerves when her
man and master appeared through
the kitchen portal and placed his
dinner pail upon a clean center
piece which she had spread on a
buffet to add touch of refinement
70 the scene. During the day her
temper mad been tried when
reiehbor started bonfire while she
was hanging her clothes on the
line She was restrained from com
planning about the smoke because
this neighbor had been told in con.
fidence the price of new hat. ane
she feared that an estrangemen'
would be equivalent to telling thu
neiyhbors how much her new ha'
cost.
"Why all of this gloom?" Letting
well asked, appearing more roseat'
than at any time since he quit tht
use Of garlic. Mrs. Leffingwell wa'
putting the finishing touches on tn
supper table, Mary was MASKING thu
potatoes in silence and Willie wa'
standing at attention.
And 1t Did Happen.
The grim expression on Mrs. LET
fngwel's face indicated that some
thing was going to happen, and sh'
followed her custom of permitting
|, Henry to unwind himself. MARY
gave the potatoes few extra mash
! es for effect and Willie stood in ;
corner in mock penance.
! "Here are. all Of the materia
things that go to make for physica
comfort" exclaimed the head of th'
/ house." and yet we neglect the psy
Geological side OF life. We miss th'
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Some Of the Things an
Automobile Salesman
Has TO Contend With

Selling automobiles in Len In
grams business IN Council Bluffs
and in making his many deals, vari-
Gus means and methods of trades
are presented to him by the sales
prospect. His latest offer as part
of a trade comes from a farmer who
wants to trade in team OF mules.
81 have taken 'flivvers' ir all kinds
of shapes and other makes of cars
in possibly not as good as new con-
dition," says Link "but this one
wins when he wants to get about
$500 for a team of mules as part pay
ment on a regular automobile. II
would be hard enough to find a
place to put them, let alone 10 try
and sell or wish them on some
body
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Leffingwell Stricken With
An Attack Of Iridescence
Boss of the House Returns Feeling Cheerful But His
Spouse Takes All the Joy Out OF Life-He Finds
the Lane Has No Turning.

sunshine that should brighten every
meal, every hour. l come home
smiling and | find all /, is darkness
within. We must make our own
cheer. 1t won't come to US, wrap
ped up in packages. ready for IN.
slant use. We are too materiallstic.'
What we need is more homemade
cheer"
"How would some homemade
beer go, pa?" chirped Willie from
his corner.
You Bet They Do.
"Charity and cheer begin at
home" began Mrs. Lefingwell, get
ting bead, on her chief. Your
words do not stand on all fours with
your works. You are out all day
among interesting persons and
scenes, and here / am limited to the
four walls of this house, except when
| 20 over to see Mrs. What's-Her-
Name, or to the aid society. Instead
OF secluding yourself with paper
every night after supper you might
give us a demonstration now and
then of your abilities as a cheer
leader. / think, Henry, you should
have your blood pressure tested
again" 49,,
"Pa, can't you recite The Face
Upon the Bar Room Floor, or do
some tricks with cards." Willie
asked. :,
"My thought is" Leffingweli
continued, undaunted, that we are
all. inclined to become depressed by
the so-called unrest of the present
time: We need revival of cheer
fulness, courtesy and good will to-
ward each other. We need a resto.
ration of confidence in each other"
She Tells Him.
"Then l believe. Henry Letting
we'll, that the place and time tor you
to begin is right here and now II
your own home. Why don't you
say something about this apple pie
that l baked for you this afternoon!
Why don't you comment on the
clean curtains at the windows"
whats the matter, pa, are your
corns hurting you ,again?" was the
next interrogation from the male
progeny of the household.
Leffingwell began to realize the
soundness of his wife's position, SO
he set about to contribute his quota
of animation to the evening meal,
after which he created sensation
by offering to dry the dishes. He
had to make good, and he did.
"And the next time you are feel
ing so cheerful, don't place your
dinner pail on the buffet" admon-
ished Mrs. Leffingwell, as they went
to the piano to Join Mary in sing
ing, Brighten the Corner Where
| You Are"
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
ASze Mand JuChI Of
tie Ju<XHJ' MA017 tie
Dld6est Suchv in tie
W0I/d
4 Bugs Bo~ Pes
.MzB. 5eek Nes:

The Suckers union isn't new or
ganization. 1t existed and thrived
from Adams time till now.
Fact is, Adam was charter mem
Der. Might have been the chief or
ganizer, for all we know.
Down through history we find
traces Of the union, always thriv-
ing organization. Mar k Antony
was a we'll known member.
A more recent member was the
kaiser. He fell for clever line
like all good members do.
When someone told him he could
lick the world he believed it. How
could he do otherwise and be a
member of good standing in the
Suckers union (un) Ltd. He just
couldn't.
Any aspirant to the Suckers
union might we'll follow Bills ex-
ample For his is a shining ex-
ample.
His records will have a prominent
place in the annals of this great or
ganization.
For the information of the curious
who will eventually-why not no:
now-join the unlimited organiza-
ton, we will quote its creed. Learn
it by heart and follow it closely and
you're sure to become a member,
Here's the creed:
Early to bet, late to wise, makes
the brokers healthy, wealthy and
4 fat.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Honor Guest at Bush
League Movie Show
Delays Performance

The gold watch goes to Tom Col
lopy, popular young salesman and
cue-ball spotter, for the most humor-
Gus incident since the last time
Bryan ran for something in Wash
ington.
1t all happened in settlement
surrounded by sage brush and dry
winds in the western part of the
state. Tom was dragged into the
town on the milk special, he said and
after conversing some with the
sheriff and the other townspeople,
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Bouquet Of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors
"Amicus humani generis."
That is what Nathan Berns1

AmicuS hunanf generlS.
That is what Nathan Bernstein is.
And he's proud of it.
1t means--if you have forgotten
your LATINA friend of man."
Nathan is as much at ease talking
to a college professor as to cab
bagc peddler. And he thinks just
as much of one as of the other.
He delights to be the guide
counselor and friend" of hundreds
of young men and women who were
his pupils while he was head of the
physics department. of the Omaha
High school.
Well-named he has been. For was
not Nathan of old the counselor of
King David and the instructor OF
King Solomon?
This bachelor is one of the most
many-sided Sounds odd, doesn't II!
But it's perfectly grammaticaD is
one of the most many-sided men
we know.
Many Sided Man.
A college professor who has be-
come very successful insurance
agent.
A former coach of the foot ball
team of >the High school and a
y former member of the city library
board.
A bard who has written success
fuf college songs for the State uni
vcrsity and the Omaha High school
I "A poet whose verses have been
published in magazines.
An assistant publicity man for the
republican national committee at
Chicago in 1916.
A man deeply interested in labor
problems and at the same time
(sha!l we tell it? Yes, we shall) a
twanger of the mandolin.
A chap who dances we'll TASK the
ladies', he says), who plays tennis
and who formerly excelled in the
two-mile run.
A Great "Argifyer."
He's great "argifyer" and can
argify on almost any subject under
the sun or beyond the sun. He has
spoken over a wide territory for
( the Liberty loans, Red Cross,
Roosevelt drive and on social and
economic subjects.
Geographically speaking, he was
born in Looeyville, KY, moved to
New Albany, Ind, at the age of
and at the age of II to Omaha, ac-
companied in both moves, of course
by his parents and the rest of the
family.
He was graduated from the
Omaha High school. and from Dart
mouth college, with two degrees
He founded the Dartmouth Alumni
Association of the Plains. Then
came the events detailed above.
But in his longing to give service
and be. friend to man he deter.
mined five years ago that he mus
leave his position in the high school
He then became general agent O.
the National Life Insurance com
pany of Vermont and he says busi
ness is good, very good, indeed.
The wide range of his activities i
shown by the organizations to whicl
he belongs-Omaha Hebrew CLUB
Omaha Athletic club, Masons, Scot
tish Rite Masons, B'nai Birth, Sta
tionary Engineers union (honor
ary).
But always he is friend of mar
If a day passes on which he hasn'
done anyone good--no, no, don
misunderstood us-it day passe
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

on which he hasn't done good to
anyone, he exclaims with Titus, in
high-brow Latin language, "Amici,
diem perdidi!"
We almost forgot to remark that
his great hobby is reading. He
reads everything from Diamond
Dick" and "Old Sleuth" to Kant's
"Critique of Pure Reason" and Will
lam James "Pragmatism."
He delights to read, Bang! Bang
Bang! Three shots rang out and
three more Redmen bit the DUST
as much as he revels in Prof.
James charming discussion of that
throbbing question, "Is radical en-
piricism solipsistic" (What do you
think about IT'D
But always he is a friend of man.
And man." in this case, of course
embraces woman" also.
"The women are all right" he
says with deep and abiding convic-
ton. Il have, by no means, given
up hope yet"
He's all right, ladies. He lives
with his mother, sister Rose and a
nephew at 619 South Thirty-frs'
avenue.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
RICK AND BILL enter
GREATER AERl CONTEST
WITH NOVEL MACHINE
Cozard Men Will Try for Bumble
Bee 100000 Prize With
Goose Power Aeroplane.
MARK NEW FLYING EPOCH


The first two entrants in Th,
Bunlble Bees great round-the
world-without-a-stop aerial ! derb,
for 100000 cash are Rick and Bill
of Cozad, Neb.
They have notified Genera
Stinger of their intention to ente
the contest and declare that the,
will win the money.
Rick and Bill propose to circle tn,
globe in "a hours!
Their plan is a most unusual one
1t is best presented by their letter t
Gen. A. Singer which is as follows
Cozad, Neb., Oct. 28, 'l9.
General A. Singer,
Editor Bundle Bee.
Dear sir:
In regard to the contest and
the million dollars. There won't
be any contest, but we want
the million.
We are not aeroplane flyers,
but we are going to make
heavier -than-air machine which
consists of a large platform COW
cred with boxes. While the sea-
son is open we are going to
catch a big flock of geese and
train them to fly west towards
the setting sun.
When we have them trained
we will fasten them to the plat
form by ropes, then when we
are ready to go we will turn
enough out to carry the plat
form and away we go. We ex-
pect to keep enough in reserve
so we can have part on the wing
while the balance eat and rest.
By leaving here in the evening
as the sun is going down we will
follow it west and in "a hours
we will be back here and the
trip around the world COM
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Hurt Cranking Ford;
Cops Name Is Ford;
In Ford Hospital

By coincidence. an injured woman,
whose name was not learned by po-
lice, ran the gauntlet of "Fords' last
Wednesday noon, after her arm had
been broken. The woman broke
her arm attempting to crank Ford
motor at Sixteenth and Howard
streets. Traffic Officer R. E. Ford
placed her in another Ford car and
took her to the Ford hospital. where
DR.. M. ]. Ford set the broken bone.
"Pll bet that woman's name was
Ford,"s the traffic policeman re-
marked upon thought of the coinci-
dence. ;
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Menu for Opening Day
Plate Lunch zoe.
Lamb Stew with
Dumplings
or
Pot Roast
Scalloped Potatoes
Buttered Beets
Rolls or Bread
Premium
Oleomargarine

at less than actual cost. So. by
comparing these prices with what
you pay in your favorite restaurant,
you can figure what the proprietor
of your restaurant profits, or prof
iteers.
Copies of this menu will NOT
be posted in the windows of Omaha
restaurants.
They will NOT.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Aftermath.

Sixteen men In Finnegan's place.
Ye-ho and a bottle Of rum.
A very dry look In every face,
Ye-ho and bottle OF rum.
With laughter gay. the walls resound,
And one by one the bar they pound.
The barkeep buys the 18th round.
Ye-ho and a bottle Of rum.
Not soul in Finnegsn's place.
Ye-ho ana a bottle OF 2.7e.
A mournful look on Finnegsn's face,
Ye-ho and bottle of soda pop.
And 'Ftnnegan says: II am some chump
For on the bar there Is no thump.
TIL put a paddock on this dump"
Ye-ho ana q bottle Of sarsapoAA
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
FUNNIADS.
Kidding the Ladies.

NlANAh6 sAN~
A school teacher at the Park
school entered the voting place, at
Park and Woolworth avenues last
Tuesday afternoon. :,
"Now, what is the first thing |
do" she asked of one of the cleo
ton judges whom she knew; A
twinkle came into his eye and ne
replied solemnly:
''You wash your hands.
A wash bowl was in the voting
place and the school teacher began
to wash while the other election OF,
ficials almost busted their buttons
With restrained mirth. 1t broke out
Al the fair voter finished her ablu-
tions.
$50 you were just Joking m; me;
were you" she said. "Well; | had
heard of the purity of the ballot and
I did nv part to make it pure.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Funny. When You See 1t.

Joseph Barker, our popular insur.-
ance man, breezed into the law Of
flee of Kennedy, Holland, Dee,
Lacy & Horan the other morning
with the query: ,
"Well, how are the United
LAWYERS today"
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
His Name Goes Marching On

(Fullerton News-Journal)
! Vernon Castle came home
from her school Tuesday even
ing with the grippe. She is re-
ported much better at this writ
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

P. S.-We don't want in on the
ground floor as it will be easier
for us to start from the roof.
The plan of Rick and Bill is so
unusual that General Singer i'm
mediately called a meeting of the
executive committee at his office
to consider it.
The committee after long dis
cussion decided that Rick and Bill
shall be permitted to enter the con-
test with their strange device.
Strictly speaking they do not
come within the limits of the con-
test as laid down by General Singer
when he made his magnificent offer.
"The machine is heavier than air,
it is true" said the general when
interviewed in his palatial offices.
"But is it machine? That is the
question. Messrs. Rick and Bill
propose to propel their platform by
means OF wild geese. Wild geese are
birds. not machines" !.
"That is certainly a lucid analysis,
which you have made. general,
said the reporter for The bumoie
Bee. !,
"I have decided. however, to al
low Messrs. Rick and Bill to enter
the contest continued the general
THE committee consisting OF Baron
Munchausen, P. T. Barnum. Mr..
Ananias, DR.. Cook and myself,
after we.ghty discussion, decided
that they should be permitted to try
for the prize because we feel they
stand no chance of winning"
The general indicated that the in
terview was at an end and the re-
porter respectfully withdrew.
It is believed that other entrants
will soon come forward for the
great prize of s1,0OO,OO0 for flight
around the world without a stop
General SINGERS big offer is being
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
Tie CORNERS Ye1oIcfoboNsl
shonIs oRe mo>e, Ilch pa,7
acute fMAed TO 0pM up

Learn as il to die tomorrow, fliv
as if to hiv forever.
The burned child breads the fire
escape.
Take care of the pennies and the
brokers will take care of your doll
lars.
Rome wasn't bilked in day"
After 5000 years the following
definition of a member of the union
has become accepted:
"A sucker is bird who gets taken
for long walk and thinks he is
riding"
It's short. snappy and means lot.
But to add little local color to
the theme, consider the. recent
achievments of fellow members in
Omaha.
One dear lady member, to show
her loyalty to the organization, and
her thorough knowledge of its creed,
recently invested in League of
Nations stock, preferred, backed
by William Howard Taft, Woodrow
Wilson, ct al. -.
And to the last bitter hour, as
William Cullen Bryant would say,
she will have the satisfaction of
knowing that she followed the doc
trines of the union even as Mark
Antony and the kaiser.
But let not other members de-
spair. They will find many oppor-
tunities of distinguishing themselves
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09
dbqanE{66!l&8! E6!& a36sab!nMz5Eings I e 22]bz1!M5

,plete. We can come down in
Omaha after the trip, but we
would rather start from here as
Omaha is too wild for the geese.
Send up your man with the
papers and part of the money as
we are sure to get it all anyway
and we will sign up and explain
to him how we want the mil
lion dollars.
Almost truly yours,
RICK AND BILL.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

discussed in aero circles Throughout
the world.
FUNNIADS.
(The Markonium.)
Wanted-A furnished room
by an old lady with electric
lights.
\ A room by a young man with
double doors.
A lady-To sew buttons on
the second floor of the bank.
An experienced nurse for a
bottled baby.
BANKERS AND BARRIERS.
(Sumner News.)
Banker Walker and wife OF
Mason City visited Barber
Winters and wife Sunday.
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

even as did the league of Notion
Lady:
When a bird introduces himself
as real estate man and offers to
sell you the. courthouse at bar.
gain, take heed, for opportunity to
become a distinguished member is
knocking at Your door, as it were.
Follow his advice, make small
$1,000 payment on the place, and
you will not only be a full
fedged member but a prominent
member of Local No. l, of the
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

Suckers Union (un) Ltd.
This is one of the many ways. A
group of well known local reporters,
once attempted to enter the union.
They almost succeeded but their
membership fees were misplaced.
They were later elected honorary
members as recognition for their
knowledge Of the unions creed.
And SO it goes.
If you care to join call at the
Omaha daily bee., 1919-11-09

But always he is a friend of man.
If day passes on which he hasn.t
done anyone good-no, no, don't
misunderstood us-if day passes
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1919-08-05
UNIVERSAL MILITARY TRAINING
AND PEACE ARMY Of $4,000 MEN
RECOMMENDED THE WARDEPT

status as 10 dependents. physical cordi-
tion. ctcctnra. They would ,'""il" 81
for each report called for and subnttod.
thus encouraging tho making # r"norts.
In tho event Of war all mon III his
status would he called to the rol"rS 10
fill UP tn" regular divisions and corn
posi- tho first iBplacemcnt units.
The hill provides for rcnrCanuZatiC7 If
tho regular army in substan:iaIy The
same terms as previously '@commCn:"d
by Secretary Baker when tn" current
army appropriation bill was under con-
Sldnraton.
No mention Of the national guard Is
made in the bill but in his letter 70 the
committee to the chairman Secretary
Baker said ho assumed the national de-
fense act would bc continued in force
making IN" Euari subject to fedcraliza-
tl"n for war.
Tho theory on which tho bill rests IS
that an army Of l.c5n.nn0 should he
available FOR rapid mobilization at n"od
1t provides that tho complete orCaniZa-
ton Of n field army Of that size shall
be- maintained. tho only diff"rcn"n h"-
tween peace and war time footing being
in tho enlisted strength. Tho twenty In
fantry and one cavalry divisions would
compris" that field army.
To support tho plan. general staff Of
fIC"rS have prepared fun detailed stu lies
of cost. systems 3 mobilization adm MIS-
tratIon and all Cth"r faaiurcS which the
department is prepared tn submit when
ever tho congressional committees call
for them.