davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1919-08-01

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Telephone Properties Are
Returned To-day
After year control the telephone property which
makes Dc Bell returned to its owners by the
While the property has been properly maintained the
property Which the Government took August 1918
is not in no way the fault of Federal control which
for which neither the Government the
Company are to lamel
year ago today Labor and material needed for
telephone operation and construction turned to military
uses vital the carrying Of the
that Of providing telephone facilities for the Govern
retarded and no part them could be spared Tor CONNER
ciai telephone purposes
No less vital was the ovee skilled create
maintain and the vast system necessary
warfare and in the con duct Of the vastly increased Coy
eminent services
Thousands telephone already the battle front
ad o ons V wen in o the Service Of the Gvenmep and its
tributary industries by the tens Of thousands
The reserve Of plant equipment drawn upon until
entirely the eerenc staff gradually depleted
70 find to take the Of those who had diff
cult To train them takes time
During the wear came victory arce instantly the
world into intense activity The demand for ee
reserve Which had been carried just purposes
place the skilled forces to meet this emergency there
repairs fever extensions Ali these must be continued with in
creasing effort
between an overpoN5ling upbuding system
whose growth held back and whose forces stned by the
vital needs Of war
Much progress has been made inthe upng this system but
far move Still required the swift growth of business; and
also 10 give first other business other
vice struggling against unprecedented demand
Prosperity which creates this emergency in service creates also
scarcity of those desiring in the service Under such
ns eDbone service generally has not been could be
m r. ne np7ar standard It beyond human power inmea
elv overcome handicap Nhlaa the situation imposes
al There are no people public private endeavor who
nrnr more tessy strenu for the good than
fho r. eephone company Service has always given More
Of + mss be Giter itf be improved That improvement in
Some cases viii take aztualy service the
with degn2n2d rus .. ZIG rs: 2.2d s:s, noo.2;q.
sEzE1 aEfEE2sss4 ssPET5t EkE and POTOMAC
-. l--T EIERIGNEG COMPANY =------
OF VIRGINIA
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1919-08-01
Try a Gazette classified al.


things to please
you, but reads youl
hand just as it in
dicateS, from thu
cradle to the grave;
tells every peTsc,
the planet -hey
were born under
their lucky and m
lucky planets, an
what steps in ii
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

another thing, a reporter. First and foremost he brides himself on being a good newspaper man." If meanwhile people feel called upon to laugh at his jokes, we'll so much the better. He will even thank them for laughing at old jokes. "A really funny idea has a long, long life and a merry one,' says he
 I've known funny ideas that had grown 15 rattlers and a button and were still
 wagging alone successfully. "The joke lasts; it's the poor fellow who first thought it up that wears out''
 He has an enormous respect for such poor fellows, provided only that the poor fellows refuse to take a birds eye view of us or to put on Jugs or to laugh at us instead of with us He thinks the greatest humorist America ever produced was Mark Twain. He thinks America s greatest living humorist is Don Mar quis. AS for wag, named Irwin Shrews- bury Cobb. he seldom gives him thought. He is far too busy thinking of us. He has a perfect genius for that. Most real humorists have Before they can crack first-rate jokes about life
 they must see deep down, sympatheti- caly, into it's very heart. They are seri- ous Oftentmes they are unspeakably tender I believe Cobb is. I almost inn agine there are moments when he under stands what Beaumarchais meant when he spoke of Laughing at everything so as not to weep" By which I do not seek to imply that Old Irv is in danger of giving you the gollywobbles by boo-hoo- ing on your neck. Kentucky gentlemen know better. Besides, Irv is very much
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

Cobb's idea of Cobb, who "has to leave the two top buttons of his vest unfastened because of his extra chin" Alas, poor Irv! His figure in profile Suggests a man carrying roll-top desk" He wonders if the shape of his his knees has changed much since the last time he saw them" When he crosses his legs he has to hold the crossed one on with both hands to keep his stomach from showing it off into space" When he appears in open-face evening togs, "the wide ex- panse of glazed shirt puts onlookers in mind of the front end of a dairy lunch" When he goes into teie- phone booth and says Ninety four Broad' people think he is telling his tailor what his waist measure is.'
 He has seen the doctor about fat, and starved around to reduce, and thought of taking exercises. But what is the good of bending over with the knees stiff and touching the tips of the toes with the tips of the fingers ?" Can there be "any real pleasure in touching a set of toes that one has known of ony by common rumor for years?" When it comes to existing on half rations, Cobb feels that Starving in the midst of plenty is not for him who has plenty of midst"
 DOUBLE CHINS AND DOUBLE LIVES
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

And yet there are compensations in being fat. If ordinary chairs pinch like 50, Old Irv has still the park bench, and while ordinary mortals sometimes cave in to temptation and lead double lives, it is not so with 1rv. Says he, "A man with double chin rarely leads a double life. Fer one thing, it requires too much nov ing around" And how sweetly recom- pensed are a fat mans charities! Cobb gave an old coat of his to couple Of Belgians and learns. to his deep satls- faction, that they are wearing 1t yet"
 Such is the gospel of fatness ac- cording to Irv, but I have just been up to the Lambs club, and frolck d with Cobb in a pasture not visible from Fortyfourth street. and cone away with the impression that, in the matter of looks, Irv ought to sue Copb for criminal libel. Hilly-oh, yes would call him that! At all events, rolling. But hanged if I can swallow the Irv Cobb of Tony Sargs appalling caricatures. though Irv tglories in them and his wife bears up courageouslJ, and only his mother has thrown con- niption fits of scandalized indigna- tion.
 Not that I should hesitate to get at Try artistically, myself-that is, if could do him in color. Pink? Why,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

too big, and has devoted considerable time to calculating how far a whale s blubber can be heard
 Before 1 tore myself away from Irv, a young soldier came Up and was intro dGced and said to him, MT. Cobb. you've done whole lot to make life pleasant for me-" Can't you say as much? You can, or you sign yourself Dennis. On the other hand, you notice around the streets more or less limited number of sick people, round -shouldered people, gloomy people, down-at-the-heel people, and some on crutches. Those are the people who haven't read Try.
 Copyright, 1919. by the Bell Syndicate,
 Incl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

heads. Panic reigned. In the midst of it, Cobb stood firm. Raising his head in noble gesture, he said with awe inspiring impressiveness, Wait Re- member, three more to come" That had the desired effect. Panic ceased. But now there came a third grunt, and a fourth, and fifth. Cobb's noble gesture climbed down. T wish the thing wouldn't stutter soi' he blurted. Next moment the Tuscania was torpedoed.
 Why aren't there more of these yarns about Cobb? I called up his publishers and begged for anecdotes, and was told, "Humorists don't scatter it around" 7"
 Today l mentioned this, and Cobb re-
 piled, Fact is, I'm not a humorist, meaning, of course, that the humor in him was merely incidental. He loathes being taken for a professional joker. If he set up for one. he would have to put on the joker, in season and out, and in- cur the handicap of being announced as such before hand. Years ago, column
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22
Youthful, Beautiful
 Skin Easy to Have

You may be as healthy as bird in the air and still have poor complex winds dust and dirt, are apt to iniure any skin, even though the general health be good. When these external i1ral thing is to remove the spoil by ex- ternal means Ordinary mercolized wax will do this It will actually absorb the day, In a week or two youn have a brand new complexion, a new skin. The exquisitely beautiful and youthful com plexion thus acquired. come es so easily, without harm or discomfort, there's no reason why any woman should not adopt this simple treatment. Just get an ounce of mercolized wax at any drug store, apply nightly like cold cream. washing it off mornings. This will not fail in any case. It is the best thing known for freckles, moth patches, liver spots and pimples-Adv.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

an ice wagon in Paducah, Ky. And if he was a humorist at IT and a managing editor at 19 and all kinds of success ever since, why put on lugs-why, in- deed? He would much rather recall his calamities. For example, the time he appeared in Alabama wearing a wrist watch. He had brought home that wrist watch from the western front To him it symbolized martial valor. It was he wrist watch-intensely he. To the rustics of Alabama, however it was girlish, kittenish, la-de-da wrist watch. and native drew Irv aside and said to him.
 Irwin, me boy. whut's gettin' into ye, anyhow? Ye want raised that way. Ye ain't made fur t tote sech burden. It ain't in the blood O Kaintuckians to home want lookin' for this blow blow the belt. Elf I wus you. Irvin,N I'd git rid O that thing kinder quiet like, eff WHEN TUSCANIA WAS TORPEDOED
 Then, too, there Is yarn Colonel Bishop, the British ace. tells on Cobb. They were crossing to England in war time. Close astern, followed the Tus- cania. a troop ship guadily camou-. flaged. As the vessels were streaming through the channel between the north. of Ireland and Scotland under convoy. the danger signal sounded. Everybody knew that five grunts by the steam whiste would mean that submarine was about to attack. There came a grunt. There came another, Jumping to conclusions, the passengers lost their
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

of his was headed, Laugh today with the Evening Worlds new humorist, IT, win s. Cobb. That killed it. People wrote in, 'Putrid! Measley!' says Irv, and I didn't recover for six months
 If not a humorist, what is he then? A Kentuckian, for one thing. After Kentucky, heaven is going to seem mighty ordinary place. he declares For
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22

just a hundred years had elpased since Americas Declaration of Independence, a circumstance which has not escaped Cobb's notice.
 We progress in cycles, he finds, and momentous events come laundering along about a century apart. Watch them: ITS. Declaration of Independence; 1SIo, birth of Irwin Shrewsbury Cobb; 1976-oh, well. there is no predicting infallibly what wil! swoop down on us in 1876. and vet. if destiny lives up to the sublime standard set by Cobb and the Declara- tion, we may look for something huge. Cobb himself is, or so he says.
 He could already feel hugeness stealing over him when, one day several years ago a stranger, not aware that he was addressing Cobb, asked Old Irv what sort of fellow Cobb was, and Irv, not letting m that he was Cobb, said, well, to be perfectly frank with you, Cobb is related to my wife by marriage, and if you don obiect to a brief sketch with all the technicalities left out, I should say that in appearance he is rather bulky. stand ing six feet high, not especially beauti- ful. light roan in color, with black mane.
 His figure is undecided, but might be called bunchy in places He belongs to  father. who was a Confederate soldier voted the democratic ticket. He has had one wife and one child, and still has them. In religion he is an innocent by- stander."
 LIVES ON HIS FAT
 You see the drift things had taken Cobb was fiat, doggone it!' even in those days. Not mountaineously fat, to be sure. lilly, you might say, or at least rolling But the time has arrived when Cobb no longer calls his figure undecided" Decision is, so to speak, it's middle name. Off and on, principally on. he writes it up. At magnificent space rates. mind you. No other genius has so successfully lived on his fat From Irv's remarks you infer that whenever he wants to calculate what next month s literary output is likely to net him Tn dollars and cents, to say nothing Of fame, he hops aboard the hay scales.
 Ever read 'Cobb's Anatomy" Pop ular in style, it is profoundly sclen- tific in subject matter, and gives you
The Birmingham age-herald., 1919-06-22
No e-Iruin S Cobb.

YIN SHREWSBURY COBB-Irv for short and old Irv for unlimited good fellowship-was born a Kentuckian in 1876, and it is remarkable how little rumpus : the occurrence kicked up. Why do we make such a fuss when
 great men die and no fuss whatever when great men are born? In this in- stance it was perhaps be-
 cause we had a centennial
 exposition on the brain. for
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07
To Relieve Catarrh,
Catarrhal Deafness
And Head Noises

Persons suffering from catarrhal
deafness or who are growing hard of
hearing and have head noises will be
glad to know that this distressing af-
Fiction can usually be successfully
treated at home by an internal medi-
cine that in many instances has eff
fected complete relief after other
treatments have failed. Sufferers who
could scarcely hear have had their
hearing restored to such an extent that
the tick" of watch was plainly audi
BILE seven or eight inches away from
either ear. Therefore, If you know of
someone who is troubled with head
noises or catarrhal deafness, cut out
this formula and hand it to them and
you may have been the means of saw
ing some poor sufferers perhaps from
total deafness. The prescription can
be prepared at home and is made as
follows:
Secure from your druggist ] o. Par
mint Double Strength.) Take this
home and add to it Ia pint of hot
water and a little granulated sugar
stir until dissolved. Take one table
spoonful four times a day.
Parmint is used in this way not only
to reduce by tonic action the imam =
nation and swelling in the Eustachian
! Tubes. and thus to equaliZe the air
pressure on the drum, but to correct
| any excess of secretions in the middle
/ ear and the results it gives are nearly
always quick and effective.
Every person who has catarrh in
any form, or distressing rumbling
| Kissing sounds in their ears. should
! give this recipe u trial.
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07
MYSTIC

AT Winter Park, Fla, Henry r.
Mallory, 70, one of the most promi-
nent men in~the coastwise steamship
business in this country, died Tues
day afternoon after lingering illness.
His wife and daughter, who were at
Augusta, Ga, and his two sons, who
were in New York, left for Winter
Park Monday, when Mr.. Mallory
showed signs of a relapse, but they
his bedside The body will be brought
did not arrive in time to be present at
north for burial
Henry Rogers Mallory was the sec
ond son of the late Charles Mallory
and grandson of Charles Henry Nal
lory, founder of the Mallory line of
steamships. In 1887 the grandfather
built the first American clipper ship at
Mystic and entered the shipping trade,
sailing as far as China. His sagacity
and farsightedness led to- the rapid
growth of the business and in 1866 he
founded the firm of C. H. Mallory &
Co.
AS the business of the shipping firm
grew its trade was extended to South
Atlantic ports, although the line be-
tween New York and Galveston was
in a sense the main line of its route.
Upon the death of his father, Mr..
Mallory became president of the COM
pany. When the line was sold to
Charles Nv. Morse and was CONSOLE
dated with other coastwise lines Mr..
Mallory practically retired from bust
ness. When the Morse pool failed,
however, the security holders impor-
tuned Mr.. Mallory to return. He did
SO, accepting the presidency of the
present Atlantic, Gulf and West Indies
Steamship company.
Mr.. Mallory rehabilitated the COM
pany and successfully guided the des-
TIMES of the subsidiary organizations
which were merged with the Mallory
Ward line and the Puerto Rico line
III health again necessitated his re-
tirement in June, 1915, although Mr..
Mallory retained his dictatorship in
the subsidiary companies, giving the
benefit of his advice. For the last
year he had done little work however,
spending most of his time in Florida
and at his country estate at Byram
Shore, Conn, He also maintained a
city home in Columbia Heights Brook
Ign.
Mr.. Mallory was a director in the
Clyde Steamship company, the East
ern Steamship corporation, the Me-
chanics and Metals National bank, the
New York and Cuba Mail Steamship
company, the New York and Puerto
Rico Steamship company (of Maine),
the North American company and the
San Antonio company.
He leaves his wife, who was Miss
Cora Pynchon; two sons Clifford 3.
Mallory and Philip Rogers Mallory,
and a daughter, Mrs. Frank 3. Mum
son.
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07
CH|LD'S TONGUE
BECOMES COATED
IF CONST|PkTED
WHEN cross, FEvERIsH AND
SICK GIVE "CALfFORNlA
SYRUP OF FIGS"

Children love this fruit laxative"
and nothing else cleaness the tender
stomach. liver and bowels so nicely.
a child simply will not stop playing
to empty the bowels, and the result is,
they become tightly clogged with
waste, liver gets sluggish, stomach
sour then your little Zone becomes
cross, half-siclz, feverish, don't eat,
sleep or act naturally breath is bad,
system full of cold has sore throat,
stomach-ache or diarrhoea. Listen,
Mother! See if tongue is coated, then
give a teaspoonful of California
Syrup of Figs" and in a few hours all
the constipated waste, sour bile and
undigested food passes out of the sys-
TEN, and you have a well, playful
child again.
Millions of mothers give California
Syrup of Figs because it is perfectly
harmless; children love it, and it never
fails to act on the stomach. liver and
bowels.
Ask your druggist for a 50-cent
bottle of California Syrup of Figs
which has full directions for babies
children of all ages and for grown
ups plainly printed on the bottle.
Beware of counterfeits sold here. Get
the genuine, made by California Fig
Syrup Company" Refuse any other
kind with contempt ....#
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07

Of $4,000. following the vote Of TIN
Park board II
Burnside.-A reala estate deal IN
yolving over 100000 was transacted
this week when the property known Is
the J. H. Walker 'Papers Factory Il
Forbes street. Burnside. was sold to N.
G. Read, of ,Holyole, Mass. = =
Danbury. = A general meeting OF
Ndnbury lodge. Order of Harngari, was
held Wednesday evening in ConcoNlia
Eall at eight O'clock. when the seven
ty-second anniversary Of The order
vas observed.
New Havsa-Soon after april ap-
pointnents Will be made for the new
jobs to be created by the introduce
ton of the two platoon system IN the
fire department according, % notices
posted in all the stations there.
New Britain.-Miss Ellen Weldon Of
Glastonbury a graduata nurse, at the
New Britain General Hospital, has
probably. saved the right arm of s.
years-old Catherine Smith of South
ington, severely scalded 10y hot water.
Miss Weldon submitted recently to
| skin grating, thereby providing the
racessary protection to the child's
scared right arm.
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07
Bonds of $50 were asked for and

furnished.
At the meeting Thursday night of
Obwebetuck Lodge, No. Is, l. o. o. F.
held in their rooms, final plans and
arrangements were practically COM
pieted for the entertainment to be
given by the lodge next Tuesday eve
ming to the members of Violet Rebe-
kah Lodge, No. 16. I. o. o. F.
Rev. H. C. Beebe of South Coven-
try, has resigned as assistant secre-
tary of the local Y. M. c. A.
Clark w. Burnham of East Hamp-
ton was in town Thursday.
A. W. Buchanan of Mansfield, agent
of the state board of education, was
at his office in the town building on
Thursday morning for the purpose of
examining children who desire to Sc
cure certificates, enabling them to Sc
cure employment. One applicant ap-
peared and a certificate was issued.
The agent is here every Thursday
morning.
At the Thursday evening meeting
in the Methodist Episcopal church
there were a good number present to
hear Chaplain Ernest Lyman Mills of
Boston speak. His Topic was Reco~
struction and his address proved very
interesting to his audience. A varied
programme of music and recitations
was carried out and lunch was served.
An enjoyable evening was passed.
Announcement has been made
through the state officer by Director
General Dinsmore that there are avail
able funds for conducting the U. S.
employment service throughout the
country until congress holds it's next
session.
On complaint of Abe Silverstein Of
this city, that some chickens belong
ing to him had been stolen, Lieut.. Ar
thur and Officer Mclean spent a busy
afternoon Thursday, looking up the
thieves and succeeded in rounding
them up before dark. Some of the
chickens were located promptly at the
home of Joseph LaChappelle on West
Main street, He was taken into GUS
tody and locked up but there was an
other man suspected in connection
with the case and he was eorraled in
the vicinity of Hop River after a hard
chase on the part of the officers. His
name is Henry Roberts. 1t was stated
Thursday night that LaChappelle
claimed to have bought the chickens
from Roberts and that he had nothing
to do with the stealing of the chick
ems. Both men were locked up for
the night and their stories will be
beard before the police court this
(Friday) morning.
The police were notified Thursday
by the authorities of the Mansfield
Training school that two boys had
run away or disappeared and to ap-
prehend them if possible The boys
were picked up early Thursday eve
ming and spent the night at the police
station, The authorities at the train
ing school were notified and the
youths will be taken back to the
school this (Friday) morning. They
are Randolph F'reer, "a, and Tony
Franco, 81.
Brief Mention.
Rev. c. A. Dinsmore, the speaker
at the recent chamber of commerce
meeting was the guest OF J. w. Hill
house during his stay in town.
Mrs. Mary J. Lawton of % Pearl
street of this city has announced the
engagement of her daughter. Laura E.
Thompson to Lewis A. Anthony, both
of Springfield, Mass.
Secretary j. D, Elmendorf of the Y
NJ. c. A. was in New York Thursday
Norwich bulletin., 1919-03-07

Harry H. Potter, Richard f, Potvin,
Albert 7. Potvin, valmore l. Potvin,
Antonio ]. Iotvin, Joseph o. Fcu-
drette, Alfred Pratt, John A. Prior,
Joseph RatcIiff. Bertran Reed, Clar-
ence Y. Reid, Arthur !. Reynolds,
James W. Riiy, Henry i'obergA Will
lana E. Robert, Fred Robert, Leander
Robitaille. Charles F. Rcf;:ai1le AIDE
lard Rockford. Louis r Rock Charles
D. Rundel. Roger G. Salisbury, Eldred
E. Salisbury, Lester T. Salisbury,
Romeo L. Salva, Almond C. Saliva,
George D. Sequin, Homer Senacale,
Louis A. SaLecale, William Shaugh-
messy, Bert Shea, Henry Smith, Morris
H. Starkweatl1er, George .. st. Jean.
Ray o. Stone. Joseph w. st. Rock,
Lieut.. John F. Sullivan. Rupert M.
Sum. Charles H. Sweet 4
John Tavrrnier. William Tavernier,
Edmund Tetrault, Ernest Tetrault,
Louis Thaler, Albert C. Tillinghast,
Howard F, Tyler. Joseph L. Vanasse,
Adelard Narasse, Frank Tardale. AL
fred Vincent. Charles Vincent. Felix
Vincent, Ernest Yog2er, Felix J.
Wakely, Norman D. Whipple, Joseph
F. YFinsor, Stephen J. Wood, Napoleon
Yates, James Young, George F. Young.
Faith G. Battey Cred Cross Nurse
Helen Y. Elliot Cred Cross Nurse).
In the Service of the Al'ies-Lugi
Danesi, Omer Desaulitte Alexander
Harrison, Aictde Landry, tdolph La
rochelle Edward Marriott. ST., Ed
ward Marriott, Jr, Arthur Monty
Henry F. Nun dock, Hugh l.. Oldham
Charles n. Oldham. Walter Plat
William P1att Samuel Walker, Charles
H. Williams.
Those who have died in the service
of their country: Godreau
Albert T. PotVin. Joseph A. Fanasse.