Evening journal., 1919-04-12

They used to cradle wheat, but now
the poet is hoelng it.
''Hoe. hoe, hoe your row
Through the summer heat,
Merrily do YOUR bit
Cneerily stick to 10,
Rising oats and wheat"
Western club song.
Pause)
Mss Helen Hanson OF University
Place. Nebraska, did nsr garden plow-
ing with the family COW hitched 20 the
plow.
(Applause)
II you would live long fiddle
George Washington Dukelan has been
flddling every night for the last So
years, and at 76 says he feels "yOung
as colt" All due TO the daily dose
Of violin.
(On with the Dancc.)
Any time you want something new
in crime ask Chicago. There they're
canning the "hands up" for "lay
down" Hold up guys order their VIC
TINS to clay down." keeping them COW
cred with their guns while the rob-
bms is being done.
T. ]. Donahue, Rock Island, H., Quit
conducting a train after J5 years OF
aotive rallroadlng. And then he went
10 a movie show for the FIRST time IN
his 70-year life.
(Moyies finally get one.)
II flddling and conducting a train
lengthens life, so does letter trott ng,
A. l. Billings. salt Lake City. has car
ried the mail out there 81 years and
now Il feel younger than ! did the
lrst evening after carrying my FIRST
load Of mail"
A 3O0-POund Loaf.
Rev. T. J. Rogers. Atlanta, Ca, Ne
gro preacher on sunday and Wednes-
day evenings, expert dough mixer 9TH
er days, and who weighs 800 pounds
every day and evening, fell into a
Tough mixing mach ne. which imme-
iiately started right In mixing the
Reverend with the dough. In fact, as
Rev. Rogers declared later at the re-
ceiving clinic OF Grady hospital. "the
misable- thing purity nigh took me all
spaht."
FINE, PROFESSOR.
If the young man reaches over and
squeezes the hand Of the young lady
sitting next 10 him in the church pew
and the young lady in turn takes her
eyes of the minister and turns them
on the young hand crusher, and then
II both the young man and the young
lady forget all about what the minis
Ter IS saying because they are so busy
smiling at each other-if all this hap
pens during the service, what about
IL?
1 Professor Hall, Of Purdue University. !
a former minister. has this 10 say
about it: Let 'em hold hands and /
smile; there is no less dangerous /
sparkling place in the world than the
church"
SOUNDING THE PROF.
Il think Professor Blink's views are
sound, don't you?"
"Oh, yes; all sdInd."
Isn't II So?
When John was young, were told,
He wished that he were old:
Now when he's aged and gray
He'd sell his good right eye for Just
one boyhood day.
With everybody writing amendments
. soon viii be the League OF Notions.
But Clarence Darrow believes II will
70 the League Of Stagnatlon for Prog
'ess.
While Hennery Cabot Lodge stlll
ices IL as the League Of Indignation.
However. every mothers son is
lgreed that the /. OF n. win or VIII
lot bury war.
Which reminds US Of George I. King.
learse driver at Nashville, Ind. Re- ,
emily there was a burial at the ceme-I
cry and George was called on to drive
ne hearse. After he had driven nine
niles 10 the cemetery he got out 10
walk up a steep hill and noticed that
ie had forgotten to put the coffin In
he hearse. Mourners waited while
ieorge hustled back for the body OF
he missing departed.
II Would Jar Us
II some stupid had forgotten to put