The Topeka state journal., 1919-12-10
ON SECOND THOUGHT
BY JAY E. HOUSE.
(From Philadelphia Public Ledger.l

III (ffOM Fnt30tlpuA1 obAAS A%~oS~~-f i
We have watched new political par
ties come and go for good many
years. We classify the new labor par
| ty as the funniest of them all. 1t
hands US couple of laughs in its flrst
declaration of principles. If II can pc
consistently SO amusing. 1t VIII nave
performed a service which no other
third party has ever been able to rem
] der. We have always lonSed Tor Q
third party which never ceased being
/ funny
| In what respect is the new party so
highly amusing? We'll. the first item
| in its declaration of principles calls Tor
the abolition of the United States sem
ate Which is the oldest of the old
stuff, AS a reform slogan the aboli-
tion of the senate antedates the flood.
In the second place, the thing simply
| cannot DE done. A good many po-
upon the impracticable. The new la
Dor party is. we believe. the first ever
predicated on the Impossible. The
new labor party should write musical
comedy. Or do" column
We note, however. the elimination
of the other of the two most ancient
of political jokes from its platform.
| We refer to the election of president
by direct vote of the people
We have always admired Mr.. Nc
Adoos perspicacity in the matter OF
selecting the exact psychological mo-
ment at which to dump the load. But
he seems to have been less mentally
alert and acute in timing his play to-
1.-The labor vote,
We can understand the impelling
motive of the crowds which lined New
i Orleans bars and drank whisky
icfr ,ffrI,f UH rn1x n w o.
lack of artistry. Whisky in quantity.
tunquestionably. carries the swiftest
jolt in the category of lubricants But
the delirium induced by the sazarac
cocktail lasts much longer and is in
comparably more soothing. The pink
lily, the perfumed breeze. the sweetly
saccharine tear and the lifting melody
of the gentler emotions blend artisti-
cally at the bottom of that ambrosial
wallop.
Clearly. New Orleans must yield to
San Francisco. where proper appre-
citation of the kaleidoscope Jag
still is maintained.
Now that the records are again be-
ing compiled, We credit the editor of
an Illinois newspaper. with the long
est and swiftest descent. Expressing
the opinion that the country needs a
man like George Washington, the
Illinois editor suggests Mayor William
Hale Thompson for the place.
| A good many of the minor offenses
are condoned and forgiven. but an ex-
congressman seldom is able to rehabil-
| itate himself
You doubtless recall the old
t fashioned mince-pie of which every
bite was a drink. But that is about
, bah you will be able to do in the cir
: cumstance.
"He was so in love with her" we
l quote Nine. Marie Bustanoby in her
! comment upon the affair b. TIVE. II
/, | the Duke de Crussol and Gaby Deslys.
: that he spilled the soup in his lap"
This unusual procedure in the matter
OF expressing the ultimate In affection
seems a bit messy" but. on the
i, whole, preferable to the conventional
method.
Doubtless, thru your newspaper
8 reading you have come to be familiar
with the conventional method. 1t has
been the custom when man wished
| indeIibly to Impress his affection for
a woman upon the public mind to
shoot her.
| In the connection. however, we wish
to impress upon the duke his utter
: disregard of the finer phases of the
chase as they are understood in Amer
lea. 81 never asked her to marry me"
he is quoted as saying. "and wouldn't
marry her If I could
In this country no gent says of n
, lady, ''I wouldn't marry her if / could
1t simply isn't done. Instead. he
! cloaks his reluctance to assume the
marital relation with the phrase, "She
wouldn't have me If / asked her."
Theoretically the Chicago clergyman
who believes prayer in the homes will
{ stop divorces probably is right. But
nobody stays at home long enough
nowadays to hold family prayer.
"Pussyfoot' johnson is about to lose
an eye as a result of a college prank.
lege pranks yield so little by swny of
property damage and physical incon-
. venience and suffering.
Fred Fulton. whom Hon. willard
has picked for his soft spot in case
he returns to the ring, may surprise
the former champion. The Fulton
person has had number OF fights
in which he almost came to olows
with his opponent.
II jury tried a man on the picture
the newspapers print OF him the YER
dict would be guilty as charged
'T wonder" writes Bill Carlisle. the
educated Wyoming bandit. 'ff this
amuses you like 1t does me?" We
nave no way of estimating BilFs ca
pacity Tor MARTY in any given cir
cumstance, but so far as we are con-
cerned the locution evokes only the
faintest OF smiles.
We are, however, singulariy unre-
spousive to humor Nothing IL very
1 funny to q man WHO has to write a
column.