The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1919-07-27
1riber Guy Saves Life Ola sSfSS.lr
Stewed orune; Latter Had
Designs on Towers Gate

vour great g~randnia's daguerreotype
| he wasn't
You know wwhat a toastnasters
sJnpo~cs 20 he at one Of these formal
feeds Hike the Buffalo Chamber OF
Comerce gives twice a year IN Inc
Suneav school rooms OF the M. u;
Church He's supposed to be trail
boss and tslu thc outfit, rope and hob
n1o auv loco SlCcr That runs wild and
SORT Of sauce up the beans and SWEEP
pickles and fancy words
But did the t~oastrnaster at this show
do tflat7 He sure didn't Every time
this poor pinto began to get restless
and show signs Of getting something
OH his chest-hang. Ole deadeye nan
beat him to II and had hit the table
a terrible waller with a boys size
mani he carried.
Mister Chairman. my Lord Mayor.
my lords, admirals. sherifH. high com
m.ssioners and gentlemen. see that
your glasses are charged The toast
is The Kingr'"
Paid for or Charged.
Bill. that two-suu man In the red
coat, had US ell huffaloed. whether
my glasses are charged or whether 1
paid for II on the naii. ! rig UP meek
as an ole eva All five hundred of us
got M on our hind legs and drank
the health of the King just because
this short card gambler told us TO do
so. I never felt go plump cowed in
my life. And / bet you a plug of long
~sweetenIn', Bill. II King George him
self had beer there he'd been afraid
to give ole Badwater Ben any back
talk.
they tell me- BIN these wise horn-
hres who've lived In London n long
time. that mis- official had mans a
sort OF a hold-over handed down from
old timrs. when they had to have a
handy to give the buns
rush TO any diner who had the bad
to pull a dirk or the bird
feeding next TO him. But ! rise to re-
mark here and now that, As an insti-
triton, ne doesn't add to a mans
appetite
institutions. Far-rthafs Merry Eng
land
Take the ~pcrtrnl1iA. for instance. TIL
lay flvs To ono, Bill you never Jaw
a p~ortcul1is and probably you've
breezed along through life more or less
happy. though plump ignorant of port
cullises. Well. Bill, "A portcul3s in an
institution. and there's one here which
mighty nigh got me into trouhle-
Breezed down to the Tower of Ion
don one day with another American.
and this lop-eared coyote was so bub-
bling over with hard liquor that X
you'd hit him he'd NV rung like a fire.
bell. We wandered through Bean
charrp pronounced ~Bechuyn"c Tower
and the White Tower. where George
keeps all his family Jewels and kniek-
nAcks and a lot OF plumber he inner
tied from kings now In the discard,
Finally we cargo to the tower where
the Little Princes were murdered.
which was some time hack before
coru-fed muley. who was dresser mp
X tho lack of Hearts. was showing
us around.
Hints of MARY Attire.
Ar ere. gentnun,- he sayw. rs
She fauous portcul1is OF the Whosts
Tower which 'asn't been lowered since
Bloody Mary put her hair IN n
started wearing corsets," or words to
that effect
He was pointing at The time to the
tpp part Of the dog-gondest heaviest
corral cate you ever saw: made of
oak so old II was black n tudded
with bolts thick AS your wrist; about
twelve fest cross ! figured. and like
to weigh abo1r three tons Some
gstai Ever II We could only zee the
top part, the rest hanging through
the floor v b arch below the
tower.
-One touch on this lever" Jack of
! Hearts was saying, "ant this stupen-
enemies of rs Majesty"
How long dJu say since somebody
gave somebody else the Eate?"whin-
MES my friend the Stewed Prune,
-Four hundred and fifty-two years.
SIR. thenk you sir" Jack comes back
at him.
And that's the lever that drops
herr this American Picked Onion
whites through his nose.
"Quite."says the picture post card,
meaning. Yep"
Well. Bill, this bird Tn teamed up
with takes me aside.
Take our III friend ont on SIR
Walter Raleigh's Walk and show him
the pretty pigeons" he says; tell
him the story OF your lffe-anyfhing
to keep him interested. I'm going TO
port a portcuilis- It's been up too
long"
Bill, I never had surh a c1oev squeak
from large troubles. I almost had to
throw and hog~ue that C~omarche
TO get him away from that portcul-
lis Why say. If he'd dropped tina,
old corral gate It would have beer
coffee and bullets at sunrise for us
both. Yours truly.
THE WRITER GUY.