Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-12-14

seemed appropriate that one of the
skits should be on "Moonshine."
A company of moonshiners pre-
pairing some brew" was shown and
some Of the dialogue included the
following cabs"
"A gridiron dinner is not the
place for that sort Of thing"
There amt no place where it's
more needed"
Speaking of books on the sub
ject, / see by the papers that the
prohibition enforcement agents raid
ed the Office of The Saturday Eve
ming Post and conhscated six in
stallments of Henry Watterson's
memoirs"
HAS it got any kick in it,"
Kick, well you ought to see the
way it keeled over Morris Sheppard
and Yves Jones the other day"
II see Vice President Marshall's
here. Did you hear him order the
senate galleries cleared the other
day when we cheered Jim Reed?"
ooh, yes, that's the oldest moon
shine around here"
Il suppose you read that Josephus
| Daniels thinks he has a presidential
boom?"
Nominates Hays.
That's Moonshine off a green
cheese"
Speaking for the old solid demo-
cratic party, ] nominate the best
known moonshine dispenser of the
day, Will H. Hays, chairman of the
republican national committee"
"On behalf of the United States
republican party, progressive and
reactionary factions, l suggest there
is no finer connoisseur of moon.
shine than Mr.. Holmes S. Cum.
mlngs, chairman of the democratic;
national committee"
1t was decided to present both
chairmen with a bottle of moon.
shine The bottles, they were told
were "refillab.e."
The railroad sskit dealt with Gun
scrambling the railroads." TIL.
actors represented former Directo,
General McAdoo, Director Genera
Hines and an investor.
| McAdoo-"The late Mr.. Morgan
said that you cannot unscramblt
scrambled eggs. He was wrong. B,
the exercise of a little magic. te
which we modestly lay claim, VIZ
shall illustrate how the railroads o.
the United States may be scrambled
and then in the twinkling of an eye
as it were, and so to speak, un.
scrambled again. Can anyone loar
me silk hat? I shall return il
promptly and entirely undamaged.'
(Man steps forward with silk hat
He is Mr.. Investor, a we'll known
citizen.)
McAdoo-"I shall return it with
its pristine beauty untarnished."
Investor-"Please be careful. That
hat represents the sale of a Liberty
bond"
Drops Egg Into Hat.
McAdoo-"Tut, tut-have no fear
we shall not hurt it in the slight
est. I shall break this egg into the
hat So" Breaks and drops egg and
she'll into the hat.)
Investor-"Oh, my hatw
McAdoo-"Tut, tut. sir. Have nc
fears. Trust me. Kindly turn yonr
back. What you don't see won't
annoy you. Now we take another
egg and break it-so. Now we take
some flour-add some coal-pour ir
some of this agreeable variety Of
ketchup-add little sand-and fin
ish with a dash of vinegar. Please
don't groan, Mr.. Investor. 1t is al
right. All these ingredients are sym
bolic, gentlemen. Now we have the
roads scrambled. This complete:
my part of the trick. | shall now
PASS the buck-I mean the hate
my friend, Mr.. Hines, who will, ir
his magic way, with few passe:
produce the beautiful rabbit known
as government operation and con.
troll, and return the hat undamagee
to my good friend, Mr.. Investor.
Investor groans.)
Hines (looks at hat and glares a.
| McAdoo)-"I am deeply indebted te
! Mr.. McAdoo for his trust and con
fdence. l wish he had finished thu
trick. He hates the limelight ant
likes to retire while the retiring is
good. But to the trick, gentlemen
| Let me first cover the hat for aes
thetic and olfcatory reasons. 1t Is
a little messy" Covers hat with
!! handkerchief, seizes wand)
Hines-"I now make these tnys
FERROUS passes-so-saying the cab,
alistic words II ocus -pocus-l92(
--brotherhoods-as taught me BY
Mr.. McAdoo. Then l quickly raise
the cloth and here we have-(starts
back, looking nervous.) An, | see
Mr.. Mcdoo forgot something. Lee
me add the Plum plan" drops
three plums and breaks another egg
Investor groans and tears his hair
Hines - (continuing) Nov we
have it. Hocus-pocus-l920-pres,
to-" (takes up handkerchief, looks
starts back, rushes to McAdoo, say
ing:)
the trick"
| McAdoo-"That's your affair-not
mine"
Investor-"My hat-my hail!
Puzzled About Mess.
| McAdoo-"Give him back his hat
Hines--"But this mess--what will
do?"
| McAdoo-"Oh, hand it back. He
| can't kick"