The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1919-04-17

cOeI VI hN"B presses you most, Du
o whether it is shirts, shimmies. sid
$ meat, succotash or syrup, you may a
: well know now as at any time tina
t the farmersis not siding of with tn,
a swag.
> A manufacturer was debating a let.
ter TO his stenographer. "Tell Mr.. So.
andso that will meet him in Shene
tady." "How do you spell Schnecta-
dy?" asked the stenographer. "S-s,
S-c--er--er-tell him I'll meet him in
Albanyp
A town man, who is going bald, re-
Gently answered an advertisement
which said that any man would be told
how to save his hair for just 25 cents.
"Cut it off, place it in a jar full of
alcohol, and you'll have it when you
die" was the reply.
q q
A California woman has opened
school for SWANS, where bashful,
tongue-tied young men will be taught
how to propose. The head of the
school herself is spinster and her1
partner is a bachelor.
9 q Q
A negro veteran just back from the
other side, when questioned about an
iron cross he was wearing, explained:
Boss, it was a extra decoration. De |
kaiser hisself sent it to me by a
special messenger what dropped daid
jus befo' he give it to me-
q q z
tits enough to make me divorce
you,' declared woman as she hurled :
4 rolling pin at her husband when he
arrived home intoxicated THAT'S all
light" responded the pifflicated hus- :
'and. "Jush lesh have an armishtish
onigh', an III abdicate tomorrow"
z 4 4
Pat, just returned from the trenches
With his head swathed in bandages :
,as the center of attraction. How
id you get wounded? ?" asked a proud .
dmirer. "Well," said Pat, "the dirty s
oche wuz raisin' Ned wit our trinch- :
5 whin our brave captain shouts, 3
cape down, boys, and sthand Patp :
i obade."
cts funny thing" said the tall
an, "but when we lived on the first
Dor of our apartment house we had
he baby. Twins came when we moved
the second floor and" "That's
ough,' yelled the short man in wild
.citement, "I'm going to vacate to-
orrow. We've just moved on the
ird floor
Somebody declares in the New York
orld that the hour saved by the
of the clock on March
net the country profit of 40 mill
n dollars. II we could cipher that
~, we'd take lead pencil and q
3 Ben clock and figger ourseR to be
nth as much as John d. Rockefeller
quarter past o'clock tonight.
q q q
A cooking expert says boiling cab
&c smells worse if it is cooked with
over over it than it does when it is
'ked uncovered Besides. she says,
sulphur in the cabbage must be
WED to escape while cooking, or
vegetable will be discolored. None
which conflicts in the least witAk
original theory that cabbage
uld be cooked out in heavens own
sh air in the center of 64O-acre
ture.
he senior major of British regi-
1t was giving the benefit of his ad-
; and experience to youthful
"See here he exclaimed, "this
our first dinnr, and, well, go easy
4 the decanter, my boy. Remem-
esprit de corps, and-er-and all
sort of thing. Here's good tip.
those silver candlesticks there?
an you can see four instead OF two
by, clear out, go home. See?"
rfectly, and thanks awfully," re-
the young officer, "but don't
think you had better go home at
!? There's only one candlestick"
Q Q 4
hen the Union army was bonn
ing Petersburg number of cool
led citizens were watching an auc-
sale that was going on at the
er of two streets. Among the
cts for sale was an old fashioned
irobe, bids for which had reached
sum of 1899. That may seem an
avagant price to you, but : you
remember that this occurred dur
the Civil war, when prices were
On one occasion S240 was paid
breakfast. Well, to continue with
tory, the auctioneer, receiving no
sr bid for the wardrobe, cried:
G hundred and ninetv-nine once.