Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1919-04-02


She says:
About two years ago met Il
young man, and, although l only
saw him a few times, l fell in love
with him. | asked him to write,
which he did. Then later L visited
Boston and no came to see me
few times. lie also came to my
home for a day or two. He was
drafted later, going to Camp Dew
ems. All this time we have been
writing, and / sent him n sweater,
socks, etc.
"At Christmas / wrote to his
sister (whom l had never metz that
| was going to send him n signet
ring which / did. lie sent me II
pendant in return. | visited Boston
this month and went to see him
two or three times. lie is rather
distant and has told me he is not
interested in girls, but for all that
l hope to win him.
Now / intend to visit him, or
rather Boston, in month or so,
and / want your advice as 10
whether | should write and ask him
if he cares for me. l love him dear
ly and would do anything to win
him, but there does not seem to be
much interest on his part lie may
be a little swelled- but
could cure him of that later. we
are both twenty eight years old
And she adds in Il postscript: IF
he cared for me, do you think he
would let me do all the love-mak-
ing? lie is not bashful and has u
loving disposition when he wants
to-"
To the question in this postscript
| am afraid there is but ono answer,
Z Iva knows
this quite we'll herself. If the young
soldier were an eager lover he
would not, of course, allow this
young woman to do all the counting.
This she understands.
Her real problem is: How to con-
vert him into the lover that she
longs for him to be? Can she gain
his still unwon love by continuing
to seek him out by making him
gifts, by asking him the one fateful,
all-determining question? Or does
the surer method consist in with
withdrawal, timidity and silence?
It's questions of tactics. It's en-
tirely self-respecting and upright
for u girl to ask a man to come to
see her, to write him friendly let
ters. even TO say to him frankly,
"I love you. Will you marry me-"
Shall Women Propose?
But does it work? Is n reluctant
lover won by this means?
am inclined to believe that he is
not, as a rule.
A man likes to think of himself
as chooser and pursuer. lie de-
lights in love as a game, with
plenty of obstacles. which it pleases
him to overcome. While women are
flattered by open manifestations of
f
tered by believing that the woman
he loves is difficult to please-that
it's a triumph to persued her ull-
mately to smile upon him. so that
open and avowcd preference on a
womans part often quite fails to
arouse any response in him, but
rather leads him to distrust her real
value.
All this is unreasonable, of course.
and old-fashioned, and the result or
inherited instincts and customs
which men have got to outgrow.
They're outworn and out of date.
But the difficulty is that they're not
outgrown yet, and that the woman
who is in love must still reckon
with them.
If q girl finds herself profoundly
in love with a man who, like the
soldier in this letter, is distant
and makes no sign of interest in her,
I sh,uld saw that she isn't likely TO
gain his love by pursuing him furth-
er, but that she will more surely
achieve her object by making some
concession in his masculine notioh
that love is a game and that ne Is
the leader in it.
II is true of course, that the
love game has been looked at in
quite another way. Many people
have believed, with the great Eng
lish playwright, Bernard Shaw, that
as a matter of fact it is always Wom-
an who takes the lead in love, Dut
that by a clever instructive camou-
flage she SO conceals this fact from
her prey that he believes himself to
be the hunter and the captor.
Woman the Arbiter
According to this view, woman Is
an extremely powerful creature. ~
is she who regulates the world oil
love and courtship and marriage. IL
a man makes love to her 1T is De-
cause she herself has first chosen
him, arranged the scene and given
him his cue.
Now this extreme view, which re-
duces men to the rank of helpless
puppets, rather than lords of crea-
tion. isn't likely perhaps to be
widely popular among men them-
selves. But wouldn't u wise woman
admit that it held some truth! Ana
doesn't every woman, wise OF 1901
ish, know that she exercises more
power over men than they them
selves are aware of?
So it may be that 1T isn't neces.
sary for a woman. in the grip OF
love either to remain unnaturally
passive or to follow up her chosen
one with gifts and offers of mar
riage. 1t may be that there Is
subtler method of courtship which
will bring the man and woman
closer together without any realiza-
ton on the mans part that each
happy stage of his own courtship
wasn't entirely of his own contriV-
ing.
1 do not mean, of course, to con-
done duplicity or intrigue, or to sug-
gest that any form of deceit is le-
gitimate, even to attain the su-
preme rewards of love.
-. Being charming to the man you
like isn't deceit, and entering into a
relation of good comradeship with
him surely isn't taking an unfair
advantage. But it will give him a
chance to know you better. to real
ize the bonds of taste and interest
that exist between you, and 1T may
prepare the soil for the sudden Won
derful blooming of the magic Mower