The Washington herald., 1919-07-06
Scots "Shorts' Proclaim
HIS Family From Affair.";
Made from Old Comforter

smoked fish didn't eat at break
fast.
An Orders An Order.
Simeon T. Mould-the waiter guy
he looked like a tackrabbit some
body'd flushed out of a coulee.
'Thenk you. sir" said he. But
two eggs is an order, SIR"
Not my order, Sim" l came back
at him q little brisk. Three for
me. scrambled on both sides"
He edged of. talking to himself,
and l saw him go to the head
polisher and give him an earful
OF conversation. Then the main
guy shifts over my way.
Did you say three eggs, sir?" he
whinnied-
Three scrambled eggs" was a
stenographer's report of my answer.
But, sir. two eggs is an order
tcatch the guys bad grammar, Bill;
two eggs is). Two eggs is an or
der, sir, and we serve only an
order. not and order and a half
why not three eggs?" l asked,
wondering when little Eva and all
the rest of the wheeze came into
the show.
1T isn't done. sir-I mean to say
three eggs" (Get some sense out
Of that. Jack Dalton. or unhaid
meD
There you were. Bill. They'd always
served two eggs because most likely.
King Arthur was a light feeder and
started the custom, and nobody had
thought OF breaking II. And. by your
Aunt Cissy's chessy cat, they weren't
going to begin to change that two-eSg
custom just because a wild American
wanted 'em TO.
Gets Up CIucking.
And so, Bill, had an order of
scrambled eggs, and then / had an
order of scrambled eggs -Four in the
coVey. And when paid my bill there
were all the walters lined up to give
me the plying look. II / could have
stood 1t I'd have gone back and Or
dered two more eggs served with low
cut vests and high hats. just to raise
another gasp out of that bunch OF
nourners. But I was clucking. as it
was.
Like the American l met up with
at the Savoy swamp. who noticed his
clothes were getting all bitten up and
went into an "apothecary's" Cshort
for druggist's) and asked them IL they
kept any moths-weil. I'll keep, that
one to tell you private-like.
These English are awful bridle-shy
and nervous in the hooks when they're
holding conversation with an Ameri-
can. They're all the time on the
lookout for 'spoof' (what we'd call
a horse out Wyoming way). Sort
of conversational badger izht. you
might say. Well. Bill. looking for it
that a-way-sort of hungering for f.
and still being shy like a hound nos
ing hedgehog-why, of course, they
get it more often than not Even a
Baptist circuit rider-old hell-roarin'
Uncle Alf himself-couidn't resist t<o
temptation to shoot one across these
eve lambs.
Open season for .spoef.-
In a quiet place ! know OF the
other day / saw an American ease
up to a large British offlcer with q
baby stare and a quarter-section Of
gold lace on the peak of his mill
tary bonnet, and i could tell by the
look in that Yank's face he had the
old harpoon out and was just about
TO thrung it. So built up alonsidc
ana "dlted Tor the killing.
Some little fire department YOU
have here in London" that Yank
stray was whinnying through his
nose. and the more he built on tn.
value of the London fire brigade the
more | saw the barb of that har-
poon quivering TO he let drive. The
English field marshal allowed as
how the fire brigade was top-hish
and all that sort of thing: but still
Only thing you seem to lack is
perfect system of ringing in the
alarm" drones the American. Now.
back in Ypsilanti''-Then he bree zed
on onto the subject of high pres
sure: but back he comes like a
coyote circling a hyinC calf to ;Ha
subject OF sending in the alarms.
But he sort OF leaves that point
dangling.
By and by the general-in-chier
heaves himself in his chair and SAYS.
Look here. What system do YOU
have in your country for giving the
alarm or whatyoucalIit?"
Back in old Ypsilanti the fire
chief he sends out post cards to all
the members" purrs old John T.
Wisenheimer
Really" says the duke. Extra
ordinary"
About that time 1 moved over to
the window and watched the pretty
busses going by.
Yours truly.
THE WRITER GUY.