Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1919-03-09
AMERICANS IN ENGLAND
NOT HAPPY '' WITH FOODS
Task of Eating From Cafe Menus
Acquired Only After Long
Residence.
MORNING "KIppER" is trial
Bleak Visitors to London Not En-
couraged by Number OF Famous
Apple Tarts-Tips Arc Sought by
Walters.
ny nonEnr wELLEs nITcHIE.

by RODERT wELLES HITCHIE.
LONDON. March THE art of ac-
curing a meal In London. what with
an estimated surplus population of
more than 100000 mouths. the war
restrictions on food still largely in
iorcG and the kind. accommodating
ALTERS just adjusting themselves to
,,trike they have lost. ranks well up
on Wa, Street or any other difficult
anGcompl isnE.:pt or a polished and re-
With relish u.s.. for the American at
n least. an acquired science. which is
Which is meant In no disparagement
OF the British cousin: like the brave
Hu, for h ao' bS,,e ede best he can
of ancient and well-merited fame is 4
sweet" and not an atrocity. which
barely escaped mention in the Bryce
report on Belgium. Therefore, the
british cousin cracks jokes about how
terrible Is the American bacon he has
sits in dark corner of the smoke
room a, the Savoy. and holds imagi-
on broadway about "a nice. thick steik
George. just scared on both sides. with
lump OF butter about AS big as an
ess on top OF the baked spud: and
chase Iuartcr-section OF apple pic.
With coffee and cream. after the reg
u!ar procession has marched past"
These bleak Americans who have
reached the Ia !king to themselves stage
are the hopeless cases. who ought 10
pc sent back home on the first hospital
again until they have been allowed
breakfast picture puzzle oats and a
hee, Of hot wafIies sailing in sweet
sea s OF maple sirup. 4 few more kip
ners' Tor breakfast viii be fatal TO
these birds.
DESCRIPTIONS OF RIPPER
PROVES DIFFICULT TASK
a "kipper' ushers In the gladstone
banker. chimney sweep and plain
hImerie an., exile TO describe a "kipper"
lion OF the Grand Canyon /, was once
hsh; that much is certain and be-
yond peradven,urc of a doubt. But i,
was an unfortunate fish and spent too
long "a time in London during the win
Ter season. thereby acquiring a general
Of its own. which set it apart from
all other FISH usually considered NJ
'0T The human k,nn sgnspImp,ion ,, -. t.
except at my hotel. where. there he
ing large clientele OF military men.
who are born souvenir collectors. sill
eaten right off The cob, you might say.
With II goes very small portion OF
orange marmalade, served in a butter
dish. Not that orange marnaladc
necessarily Is the Sustatory partner Of
the kippcrcd kewpie. but orange mar
maiade Is what one has.
~ the marmalade has a curious tinny
taste like the Queen Charlotte" you
used TO drink before the ring-thc-
cane rack a; the Canandaisua County
Fair, that's not the original sin Of
the original oranges. lis saccharine-
And speaking OF saccharinc-
In France II comes In liquid form.
served IN a bottle with squirtcr at
con,ainer. IN England its "A tablet
small and deadly tablet reminiscent
or the pellets mother used TO dissolve
In no; water TO Kill those things"
With. When YOU order one large
white" which is Interpreted coffee with
diluted condensed milk served in "A
large cup-the waiter leaves by your
place butter plate.
This little plate appears entirely in
nocent until close inspectt reveals
one Of these tiny high power bombs
OF sweciness--50o times sweeter than
susar-repos'nC in its midst.
POISON HOUND DROPS
PILLS INTO HIS COFFEE
The hardened poison hound drops
this pill in his coffee or tea and idly
watches the angry bubbles that boil
upward. Perhaps. early in the war.
the saccharinc fend had certain ire
mors before his first sip-visions OF
cancer or slow death by bone SPAWN
today he is proof against ALI lethal
drafts. Bouillion made OF an extract
Of INT would be a mere appetizer
for the real saccharine addict.
There's another condensed version of
the real thing served in London which
makes the average American almost
forget there is really Santa Claus:
that's the apple tart which comes af-
ter the boiled mutton. the boiled pota-
toes. the boiled napkin and the-none
too seldom---boiied waiter.
The apple tart OF old England re-
scmbles the league OF nations inasmuch
as it's mighty good in theory, but not
v vsn ong for ha5 aP And hs
fish slang word for real pie, leaps from
his chair when his eye strikes this It'd
bit lurking amidst the list OF sweets
on the menu and orders it forthwith.
Alas and alackaday!
Apples on the hoof bring 10 cents
apiece here in old Lunnon, and in a
months residence / have never seen the
dried; or jerked variety. If you. adj
cicted to mathematics as n pastime. do
little calculation and discover how
much Of an apple YOU will discover be-
tween the upper and lower lids of the
sarcophagus OF an apple tart costing
sxpense, say, when a whole apple re-
tails at nearly twice sixpence
In very overadvertised eating
beef and trundle them to you that way.
an American created a diversion the
other day. He was one of those vo-
10 teach the English how 10 wear
ncver-slip suspenders He ordered an
apple tarh
WANT TO see PICTURE
OF APPLES TO .I<TD" SELF
The tart sas served to him. He
lifted the upper hemisphere and gazed
raptly and with dawning wonder at
what lay revealed on the top OF the
lower pedestal. Then he crooked his
finger foT. the waiter.
John Henry" said no in an auc-