davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
Man Was Not Drunk
Enough to Believe
McKelvie Would Win

True to his boyish appearance
our governor loves a prank or a
humorous story even if he is the
victim of one or the other. At a
recent convention in Omaha, Cover
nor McKelvie, in a happy vein, mar
rated an incident while stamping
the state prior to the last guber-
material election.
An ardent sympathizer of the
governor had met him on his ar
rival at small, out-of-the-way Ne
braska town. He Immediately es-
corted him to the general store.
Here he introduced McKelvie as
the coming governor of Nebraska.
Upon hearing this a man. seemingly
drunk, lurched to the front of the
crowd. For a few moments he
surveyed the governor drearily.
II may be drunk" he finally NUT
tered, "but I'll be damned if I'm
drunk enough to believe that"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

If you would win your way to. the
heart OF young woman, you should
have an accomplishment of some
kind. If you do not dance, learn to
play a mouth organ, or otherwise
find your place in the sun. A prom
inent Omaha man, many years ago,
made hit with young woman
while he was giving all acrobatlc ex-
hbition at church ice cream social.
He was an accomplished acrobat and
he developed a fine physique. Wo-
men admire men who are skilled in
athletics, and who are graceful
dancers.
Judge Holmes of the municipal
court danced his way into the good
9races of young woman who for
merly lived at Clyde. Mo-. but who
is now Mrs. Holmes. The judge
was quite frank in relating the story
of his romance. He was born on
his fathers farm, which was located
where the Union Pacific depot now
stands in the South Side. He at
tended a small school where the
hickory stick was the stabilizing in
fluence. When he was about 20
years old he moved to Omaha, which
at that time was having its first real
boom.
He went on a visit to Clyde, Mo,
to see some cousins, who gave a
dance for him. At the dance he met
young woman, the belle of the
town and the best dancer. The
Judge stepped high, wide and hand
some," and caused quite a commo-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
Who Uses Face Rouge?
All Women, Discovers
Enlightened Husband

Vincent c. Hascall admits that a
man may live and learn, particularly
a married man, as he happens to be.
Stub" was beguiling the time the
other day while waiting for a jury
to return verdict in a case in which
he was interested.
Funny things happened down to
our house the other evening"" he
remarked to a coterie of constitu-
ents.
Tell US about it; your secret is
safe with US" replied the coterie.
when | returned home my wife
had a package of goods on a table.
She had been shopping. l observed
a small jar of face rouge. You see,
I did not know that my wife used
rouge, so the discovery was a rev.
citation to me. My wife told me
that if l could find any woman
among our circle of acquaintance
who did not use face rouge she
would pay me the price of that jar
of rouge and would buy me a box
of cigars to boot. Well, you don't
sec any surplus cigars sticking out
of the top of my pocket. do your"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

Three delicately scented letters
have arrived at The Bee office for
R. u. Ready, 10th century farmer,
who wished to meet a lonely bach,-
lor maid.
They are written by three girls
who are eager to meet such a man
as R. U. Ready describes himself to
be. Each is equally positive that
she will prove his ideal.
Each describes herself as Gust
common" without great beauty, and
yet not ugly. And were these not
the three main qualities insisted
on by r. u. Ready?
The editor is elate. Surely one
Of this triumvirate of lonely girls
will prove satisfactory.
One writes with terrifying brief
ness, and in large, firm hand, that
she wishes to meet R. U. Ready,
There is nothing superfulous in her
letter. Doubtless she is an efficient
business woman, who longs for the
scent of dew-laden clover fields, for
the soothing song of melodious cow
bells, and the silent hush of rural
eventide, far from the rush and
grind of sordid business.
And with her business experience
would she not be excellent at super
intending the gathering of eggs and
the churning of butter?
The second girl writes on lightly
tinted stationery, which denotes a
touch of fastidiousness. She seems
to be somewhat of an idealist, too,
for she dwells on the deeper meaning
of love and true friendship.
Girl No. 3 writes letter six pages
long. One might think her inclined
to be talkative we're it not for the
tone of sincerity with which she
writes. Not that talkativeness would
be any drawback, especially on a
farm, where there was no one else
to talk to.
II do not consider myself an old
maid" writes the girl, "for | am
only Is years old. l am not hand
some, nor am I homely. I think
I am not the kind man would be
ashamed to take out any place.
II have lived in Omaha six years,
but am now living with my parents
on a farm. l long for a home of
my own-something that would
really interest me. l do know how
to make a home for someone who
would care for it, and l know how
to raise things that are on a farm.
81 have rather a jolly disposition
and loving nature. | could love
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
'Cold,' Breeze 'Kuhls'
Clerk at Henshaw On
Sweltering Hot Day

It happened on a sweltering, o8-
degree day last week. The desk
clerk at the Henshaw hotel was in
shirt sleeves, and frequently mop
ped drops of Precipitation from his
heated brow, as he leaned YEARLY
over his desk. He was picturing a
sparkling lake, surrounded by snow
capped mountains, and was just in
the act of plunging into his mental
mirage when a man entered and
registered.
When the guest had registered,
the clerk glanced carlessly at the
name on the register, rubbed his
eyes, and looked again.
The name was L. B. Freeze of
Lincoln.
A few minutes later A. A. Frost
of Des Moines, registered, and the
clerk put on his coat. No use
catching cold, he thought.
And then almost simultaneously
two more guests registered as P. L.
Breeze of Chicago, and Otto Cold
of Denver, Col. The clerk looked
anxiously for his last winters over
coat, then returned for fond con-
temptation of signatures of Mr..
Freeze, Mr.. Frost, Mr.. Cold and
Mr.. Breeze.
While thus engaged another guest
entered.
And what might your name be?"'
inquired the clerk anxiously.
I'm Mr.. E. M. Kuhl of Chicago"
was the renlv.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
HOW CHEWING GUM GROWS.

Did you ever stop and think,
where does all the chewing gum
come from?
Prob'ly not. And yet this is one
OF the most interesting of nature
studies.
The great chewing gum planta-
tons of the world are located in
the interior of Jawgo Saliva. Some
of these plantations have more than
100000 chewing gum trees and the
culture of the great article of COM
merce is most interesting.
The chewing gum tree begins to
bear when it is three years old. A
good tree will yield as high as $500
sticks of gum in good year.
The chewing gum harvest begins
in the early part of July and lasts
until the following June. The sticks
are gathered in LARGE baskets and
taken to the central depot, where
they are sorted. Experts are re.
CURED to separate the wintergreen
sticks from the peppermint and
other flavors. The natives acquire
great experiences at this so that they
can tell the difference at a glance.
The sticks are then wrapped in
paper, (after the powdered sugar
has been busted Off. The super
fluous powdered sugar forms val
liable by-product, being used to feed
large flocks of wild cocoanuts which
later are shipped to the packing CEN
tiers, slaughtered and canned.
Chewing gum trees have been
tried out in this country, but with
out much success. They require
the peculiar moist climate of Jawgo-
Saliva to bring the sticks to their
full, juicy development.
The United States consumes
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
When They Wooed and Won i
- By Edward Black -

at this particular young woman, be-
gan to sit up and take notice They
tried to compete with the dancing of
the young man from Omaha, but
they could not make it.
When the judge was ready to re-
turn to Omaha, after having finished
the visit with his cousins, the young
woman in the case asked him;
Aren't you ever going to come
back to Clyde?"
He went back many times. The
first time he returned after the visit
he hired rig from the livery stable
and drove out past the young won,'
ans home, just to be near her, a.
he tells the story. He imagined he
could see her through the kitchen
window, making pies. 1t happened
that she was not at home at thai
time, so he drove around and came
back to the house, inviting her to go
for ride In his hired hack. She
went and the very next week the
town paper had local item, telling
how George Holmes of Omaha
was seen out buggy riding last Sum
day with one of Clyde's popular
young women"
We'll" said the judge, thinking
back a bit, Il made frequent visits
to Clyde We danced the good old
dances, the polka, minuet. Virginia
reel and the others. We wrote let
tiers back and forth, exchanged
photographs, and then we were
married in Omaha"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
BY J. P. M'EVOY.

A laundry is a place you send
your clothes to be destroyed. 1t
consists of huge watts of sulphuric,
nitric and muriatic acids, the man.
gler, ripper, shredder, button re-
mover and collar cracker and many
other deft and destructive devices.
Your clothes are brought there
by laundry boy. He is called a
boy because he is usually about 40
years old. He has a rude and rauc-
Gus voice and rotten memory.
Both Of these undergo careful train
ing, so that in the finished product
nature has been wonderfully inn
proved upon.
The laundry boy has been trained
to sneak up to your laundry door in
the middle Of the night and beat it
in. After he has awakened you he
insults you until you give him all
the loose clothes you may have. He
thel. tells you he will deliver them
the following Thursday.
Laundry is always delivered the
following Thursday, according to
the laundry boy.
Famous Laundry Boys.
1t is quite interesting to note in
this connection that Baron Mum
chausen, Ananias, Judas, Benedict
Arnold and the most famous Chinese
diplomat of the Confucius era, Ly
Lyke Khel, began their careers as
laundry boys.
Anyway, after the laundry boy
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

SO 44-lOO per cent of the output of
all the chewing gum groves of tn.
world. Or rather. the people of
the United States do.
Denatured chewing gum is re-
claimed in large quantities from the
bottoms Of theater chairs, church
pews and hundreds of other places
and is then made into automobile
tires.
The cum chewing record of the
world is held hy an American, Miss
CheWsa,l Day, a stenographer in
Oshkosh. She chewed continuously
for "A hours, s. minutes and II
seconds without stopping for meals.
The chewing gum SHIPS plying be-
tween Atlantis ports and Jawgo-
Saliva were protected by warships
during the submarine menace, as the
Gil ships plying to the Mexican
fields were. The cutting off of the
chewing gum supply would have
been hard blow to this country
Luther Burbank has worked for
long time in an effort to cross the
chewing gum tree with the yana-
balaboo bush and create disk
shaped chewing gum which would
fit the mouth. If this is done many
of the difficulties connected with
the rectangular shaped chewing gum
will be done away with.
Another German Lie.
"Please accept, Mr.. President. the
assurances of my high considera-
tion," said DR.. Haniel Won Hahn
hansen in writing to Premier Glenn
,enceau his protest of the violence of
the peace terms.
They'd Better, B'gorra.
"IInifed States to LET Preside Mt
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
Is Eager to See Jiggs Win
the Upper Hand Over
Maggie Once in a While

The Bee is in receipt of 4 letter
addressed to George McManus from
one of our North Platte readers who
bitterly complains that Jiggs never
gets chance. The letter reads as
follows:
Now really don't you think II
quite unfair for Dear Old Father to
be so henpecked and abused by his
dear old spouse, Maggie?' You may
not know it, but every housewife
isn't so brutal. Your many interest
ed readers would show more interest
if you would only give Father
chance once in a while. l really
like the dear old SOUL am in favor
of father having a real good time
once and not have to have black
eye for weeks to come. l am sure
you wouldn't enjoy it, would you?
I am very much in sympathy with
father.
IAN INTERESTED READER"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
Bouquet of Live Human Interest Stories About People
Eligible Omaha Bachelors

WHO is our ha.dcome hero this
Sunday?
Why, none other than Daniel Bus
ter Butler, commonly called Dan"
city statesman for, 10, these many
year..
Dan isn't married because he
lays too much stress on the first
halt of his last name.
Marriage is probably all right,
but" he says.
Our hero was born in the city of
Ottawa, Illinois, in the nineteenth
century. That's explicit enough.
Ottawa is famous, also, because
nSpf the great Lincoln Douglas
dUbates was held there and Dan"
is proud of the fact that his father
was in the audience when "Old
Abe" and Stephen A. Douglas de-
bated.
Needed More Eats.
When Dan was still a baby his
parents decided that they would
have to move to newer country in
order to provide him with enough
10 eat.
So they came to Omaha and here
the boy ate and grew up and became
+ famous foot ball player on the
Creighton team, where he was full
back. During his leisure time he
studied.
After getting through Creighton
he kept books for the Pacific Ex-
press company for three years, went
to st. Louis with that concern for
eight months, returned to dear Oma-
ha and worked for the Union Pa
cifc and then made his debut into
politics as bookkeeper for Harry
Miller, who was city clerk.
A few years later he filed for city
clerk on the democratic ticket and,
to everybodys surprise, was elected.
Since then he has been a city
statesman. He is now serving his
third term in the pen-no, no, we
mean as city commissioner.
Great Foot Ball Fan.
He seldom misses foot ball
game and is devotee of base bali.
He is frequently seen at the theater
and is movie" fan.
"Are you ever going to get mar
ried?'
This direct question was put to
him with accent on "ever."
IF l ever find a woman who looks
at things as | do I'll get married."
he answered fear1essly. 81 like the
ladies. l think they're all right in
their place"
He didn't mention what he con-
siders their place to be.
"But don't say anything to queer
my chances" he added. 81 don't
want to scare anybody away"
So, please don't be scared, girls.
He is quite docile and of good dis
position except when he is talking to
Zimman or Ringer.
You must be good cook, though.
II you're not. don't waste any time
on Dan" He likes good "eats."
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

There was a time when a police
man could wear exposed suspend
ers, top boots, an umbrella and a
large star decorating his manly
bosom. Then regular uniforms
were adopted and long whiskers
were not considered in good form.
Did you ever see policeman with a
long beard?
The evolution of the policeman's
garb or authority continued to evo-
lutte until regulation uniforms were
adopted for summer and winter.
They were required to shave at least
once a week, shine their shoes now
and then and otherwise improve
their appearances. Policemen be-
came to be known as "the finest"
When they appeared on parade the
people cheered them as they march
cd by.
Named "Harness Bulls"
As time went on, and some of the
force discarded uniforms to be come
detectives, the uniformed men were
known as harness DullS dliloiiS
their associates. The detectives
were known as plain clothes men,"
These designations are still in use.
The latest order from the Chief S
office permits the uniformed men to
wear one blue stripe for every hve
years of service, and the officers to
wear one gold stripe for every five
years of service.
The men seemed to be pleased
enough at this recognition of length
of service, but some argued that in
addition to that recognition pro-
vision should have been made tor
distinguished service stripes. They
contended that a man might work
on the force 10 years and never ac-
complish any great deed of valor;
and it might be possible for a man
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
Police Captain Has Service
Stri pes; Mistaken for Villa

to have been on the force only one
year and yet perform some heroic
deed, or make an important pinch"
How About Kelly3
Here is the way some of the men
talk: Suppose a man should have
been on the force only one year
and last week he should have ar
rested Roy Kelly, for whom the
whole department was looking.
Would he have been rewarded with
distinguished service stripe? Not
under the recent order permitting
stripes for length of service. Sup
pose one of the force catches a man
with a pint of booze in his pockets.
No distinguished service stripes for
that deed.
Most of the men believe that the
esprit du corps of the department
would have been advanced mate
rally if the chief had provided for
distinguished service stripes in his
order.
Capt. Anton Vanous, one Of the
NSlCl aus VI lllS lOI ~ did iloA io1S
much time taking advantage of the
new service stripe order. He TAXED
into the station, arrayed like tie
grand marshal of the day. On his
shoulders were gold leaves, indicat-
ing his rank. On his left sleeve
were series of gold stripes, indi-
eating his length of service in tie
department. His form-htting khaki
uniform was neatly pressed and his
shoes glistened. AS he stepped into
the station, everybody looked up as
if to expect some sort of an en-
touragc to follow. There was
pause-"an ominous silence" as
some wag expressed it-and then
from an obscure corner voice was
heard to say: ..-...
"Doggonel there's Villai.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

tells you he will deliver your clothes
the following Thursday he laughs
one of those low, laundry-boy
laughs and disappears out Of your
life forever.
When your clothes reach the
laundry they are put to soak in the
acid watts for three days. First in
the sulphuric acid, then in the nitric
and then in the muriatic. If, after
three days, any colors remain in the
colored clothes the operation has
been failure and must be repeated
The clothes are then passed
through the mangler, so called be-
cause it mangles them. Then
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

through the ripper, tearer, button
remover and the shredder.
Hung on Spikes.
The remains are then hung on
spikes and carefully clawed with ice
hooks. After this they are taken
down and the most conspicuous
places on them are marked with in
delible ink. No one but the laundry
man knows what these queer, cabal-
istic signs mean and he forgets the
next day.
Expert Primers then take the re-
mains in charge and fill them with
millions of pins, hiding each pin
skilfully so that the points always
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
abramEbll8; aB&2aB!M|zzziin6s

De Valera alone" says a headline
BIFF!
(Blair Tribune.)
NOTICE.
have given my son, Clyde
Biffar. his time, and will not be
responsible for any debts he
may contract after this date
Blair. Nebraska.
49-3* n. T. Bitfar.
Bossie's Joke.
(Friend Sentinel)
One day last week while Geo.
Haberman, ST.. was leading HI,
cow she jerked the rope and he
fell, breaking his left thumb.
Almost a Bushel.
(Dlair Tribune.)
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Peck are
rejoicing over the advent of
fine little girl. born last Satur-
day evening. If the newcomer
takes after her mother, she will
be all right.
~ MI u AllON.
(Laurel Advocate.)
A funny old man told this to me,
fell in a snOwdrift in June, said he
1 went to a ball game out in the sea
I saw a jellyfish float up in the tree
I found some gum in cup of tea
I stirred my milk with big brass key
I opened my door on my Bonded knee
i beg your pardon for this, said he,
But its true when told as it ought to
be
IT'S a puzzle in punctuation; you see.
CHIVALROUS EMIL,
CPender Times.)
Emil Holmberg was elected
janitor of the school at a sal
airy of $50 per year. He says
if the teacher is good looking
and a girl-he will do the
work for nothing, otherwise H.
D. Bargman or some other old
married man will have to do
thu work.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

from right to left. I'd leave the
reins loose all the time and run in
after the bundle wherever Sunshine
would stop.
Zone day, thought I'd fool Sun
shine, so I made him stop at a
house where there was another
laundry's bundle. When I loaded it
in the wagon Sunshine refused to
go. He set up the worst whinnyin'
and snortin' intermixed with buck
or two that I just had to take the
bundle off.
Eyes, sir, tell the world Sunshine
was some hoss!'
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
A Talking Gardener.

Mrs. Flatbush-Has your hus-
baad started on his garden work?
Mrs. Bensonhurst-O. yes, Why,
he came home from the club today
awful tired.
How could he get tired doing
ANYTHING about his garden at the
club"
Why his jaw ached something
ewful."eYonkers Statesman.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
New Presentation Needed

Blinks-Say, old man, do you
know of any cure for insomnia?
Jinks-Counting 1000 is said to be
a remedy.
Binks- Confound it, that's what
everybody tells me; but the baby's
too young to count.-Iit Bits.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

Nowadays a man thinks he is
having rough time when he has to
help move the furniture around
BIT forgetting that his glorious dad
used to spend a week out in the back
yard beating the dust out of the car
pet and thought nothing of it
Detroit Free Press,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29
A Jobs Comforter.

Arkansas Gazette-"We hear that
Job Haskins is laid up with chills,
and he also afflicted with a few
boils. Not bad combination,
this: the boils can heat him during
the chills.-Boston Transcript.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

Wife-I looked at the sweetest
hat today foro only $50.
Hub-Thank heaven you didn't
buy it, if it cost that much for a
look.-Boston Transcript
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

stick out and lacerate the flesh of
the unfortunate client.
Everything is then carelessly as
sorted, tied up in bundles and de-
livered to the wrong addresses.
If you have an enemy with whom
you would like to get even, send his
clothes to the laundry.
A man might travel the straight
and narrow path in a big city for
weeks and meet nobody he knows;
but let him once step aside and start
to do something foolish and every
body he ever met seems to be aware
Of it.-Detroit Free Press.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1919-06-29

Iheyd Better, B'gorra.
United States to let President
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1919-05-22
marie's American Anthem.

In FAR away trnnce little Marie,
aged six, visited the Red Cross hos
pital near her home every day, and
became very popular with the conva-
descent American soldiers there. She
soon became very good friends with
the soldiers and they delighted to
teach her scraps of English. When
American songs. One day, in Marie's
school, teacher asked her class the
title of Americas national anthem.
The class looked blank, until Marie,
with a flash of inspiration, jumped to
her feet and announced, Hail! Hail /!
the Gangs All Here" in quaint, rolling
English.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1919-05-22
Heating tho House.

The proper temperature for various
rooms Of the home are as follows: The
living room should be 70 degrees, no
more. 1t should be occasionally aired
so that 1t does not become close, but
the doors should be kept closed into
the hall. The dining. room and kitchen
should be heated to 65 degrees. Most
kitchens rise higher than that. The
bedrooms should be heated not at all,
except for the little time that the occu-
pants use them for dressing. The
bathroom should be made as warm as
you choose and the halls should be
given no special heat. as we are al.
ways exercising when we are going
through them.