The Washington herald., 1918-02-06


awright"
Unlike the Korean who exchanged
his wife for a phonograph because
he wanted a talking machine that he
could stop, Joe Barrett undertook to
stop his wife from talking.
Clementine, the wife. insisted on
bringing some of her children by =
former marriage to this city and
let Joe support them
Joe objected. He just could make
both ends meet as 1t was. he told
her.
So they agreed to arbitrate the mat
ter. They talked 1t out over their
supper.
Or. rather. wifey talked II out
Joe couldn't get a word in edgewise,
he said.
Several times he hollered to wiley
to stop and let him say something.
Seeing that he wasn't getting any
where by his protests. Joe jumped
up and got wifey by the throat
She had him locked up He had
threatened to kill her. she said.
And at her request the court agreed
to let Joe come back home under bond
to keep the peace.
Dear Old Georgetown.
Who said that Georgetown wasn't
part OF Washington?
All his life John Merkle had lived
in dear old Georgetown.
He had gotteh so attached to the
place that he even wanted 10 be
buried there.
Last Sunday he had a visitor-Hen-
ry Clay, from northeast.
Henry stayed until about 10 that
night.
AS he put on his overcoat to leave,
of sarcasm, We'll, All guess All will
go back to Washington"
"Wot de h. yo mean?" demanded
John. angrily; "ain't yo already in
Washington. yo no-account brack
rascal"
Nav, sah." answered Henry;
when de good Lawd made Washing
ton He had some scraps left over.
He thowed 'em on de west side OBJ
Rock Creek en- said. 'Yo name Is
Jawgetown.'
An unlighted lamp on a parlor
Henry's head and decorated 1t with
ioNSis
OF course John didn't deny his
crime But he made mistake in
saving that he WAS proud of it.
The court fined him S20-but all
Georgetown thinks he's a hero.
A Profitable Crime.
Not everybody in Washington Is
wise enough to commit q little crime
in order to prevent commission Of a
big one
This may sound nutty, but it isn't.
Harvey Gross, confessed crapshooter
and scrapper. was given a dollar by a
soldier to buy him some whiskey:
While on the way to the blind tiger
Harvey got to thinking about the
crime which he was about to commit
Suddenly 1t occurred 10 him that he
was walking into a trap cunningly
laid by the police with the aid of the
soldier.
He knew perfectly we'll that II he
came back to the soldier with the
booze he would be nabbed and sent to
Jail for six months.
Rather than get that he decided TO
take a chance and swipe that dollar
He knew that the penalty for dollar
stealing wasn't at all bad compared
with selling liquor to soldiers.
Later on that same day he was ar
rested for stealing the dollar.
And now. instead of !anguishing in
the pen for six months, his friends are
taking up a collection to pay his fine,
which amounted to s2O
HeatIess, but not FightIess
1t was all the fault of "heatless
Monday
A pot of beans rested on q coal
stove in the home of John E.
Stewart.
There was no fire in the stove.
And so some one moved these beans
over to the gas range and fired up.
When John came home, he raised
fog about 1t. No one had a right.
he swore. to move a bean unless he
said so.
His sister-in-law. Jessie Ruth, who
was visiting at the time, asked John
to swear less and think more.
John then got huffy. He said, I'm
runnin' this d. house to suit my
self. I am also running that pot of
beans"
Then he attempted to throw Jessie
out. Somehow or other an arm OF
broken chair got into Johns hands
and he hit Jessie with 1t.
John got a good sized bump on his
noodle. How he got it he does not
know. Any way. he was beaned.
The court fined him $40.
1T wouldn't have happened" John