davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04

twenty Of us were sent on trench
raid. only two of US returning, but
Will tell this story later on.
said it was big happy family, and
SO it is, but as in all happy families,
there are servants, so in the British
army there are also servants, officers
servants, or 20. S" as they are termed.
In the American army the common
name for them is dog robbers" From
controversy in the English papers,
Winston Churchill made the state
ment, as far as can remember, that
the officers servants in the British
forces totaled nearly two hundred
thousand. He claimed that this re-
moved two hundred thousand eXcep-
tionally good and well-trained fighters
from the actual firing line, claiming
that the officers, when selecting u man
for servants duty, generally picked the
man who had been out the longest and
knew the ropes.
But from my observation find that
large percentage of the servants do
go over the top, but behind the lines
they very seldom engage in digging
parties, fatigues, parades or drills.
This work is as necessary as actually
engaging in an attack, therefore think
1t would be safe to say that the all
round work of the two hundred thou
sand is about equal to fifty thousand
men who are ON straight military dr-
ties. In numerous instances, officers
servants hold the rank of lunce-corpo-
rails and they assume the same duties
and authority of butler, the one
stripe giving him precedence over the
other servants.
There are lots of amusing stories
told of 20. 81
One day one of our majors went into
the servants billet and commenced
"blinding" at them, saying that his
horse had no straw and that he per-
sonally knew that straw had been is
sued for this purpose. He called the
lance-corporal to account. The cor
poral answered, "Blime me, sir the
straw was issued, but there wasn't
enough left over from the servants
beds; in fact, we had to use some of
the 'ay to 'elp out, SIR"
1t is needless to say that the serv-
ants dispensed with their soft beds
that particular night.
Nevertheless it is not the fault Of
the individual officer, it is just the sur
vival of quaint old English custom.
You know an Englishman cannot be
changed in day.
But the average English officer is a
good sport. He will sit on fire step
and listen respectfully to Private
Jones' theory of the way the war
should be conducted. This war is
gradually crumbling the once insur-
mountable wall OF caste.
You would be convinced of this if
you could see King George 60 among
his men on an inspecting tour under
fire, or pause before little wooden
= - = - -
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04


them, arm in arm, leave to take pos
session OF this wonderful palace which
Abe has just paid $1,000 for. (Cur-
Itain.)
In the second act the curtain rises
ION the interior of the Diamond Palace
saloon, and the audience gets its first
shock. The saloon looks like pig
pen, two tramps lying drunk on the
floor. and the bartender in dirty
shirt with his sleeves rolled up, asleep
with his head on the bar.
Enter Abe, Sambo and Ikey, and the
fun commences.
One Of the characters in the second
act was named Broadway Kate, and
had al awful job to break in one Of
the Tommies 10 act and talk like u
woman.
Another character was Alkali Ike, an
Arizona cowboy. who just before the
close Of the play comes into the saloon
and wrecks 1t with his revolver.
We had eleven three-hour rehearsals
before l thought it advisable to pre-
sent the sketch to the public.
The whole brigade was crazy to
witness the first performance. This
performance was scheduled for Friday
night and everyone was full of anticl-
patton; when bang! orders came
through that the brigade would move at
two that afternoon. Cursing and
binding was the order of things upon
the receipt Of this order, but we
moved.
That night cached the little vii;
lage of S aud again went into rest
bille"s. We were to be there two
wees. Our company Immediately got
busy and secured the village for a
suitable place in which to present our.
production. Then we received another
shock.
A rival company was already estab-
ltshed In the village. They called
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04

: = -. 49,. -
prayer, hoping that one Of his strays
will get some poor unsuspecting Fritz
In the napper hundreds of yards be-
hind the lines. It generally does ; that's
the reason the Boches hate the man
from Erin's isle.
The Saxons, though better than the
lPrussians and Bavarians. have a nasty
trait Of treachery in their makeup.
At one point of the line where the
trenches we're very close, stake was
driven into the ground midway be-
tween the hostile lines. At night when
1t was his turn, Tommy would crawl
to this .stake and attach some London
papers to 1t, while at the foot he would
place tins Of bully beet, fags, sweets,
and other delicacies that he had re-
ceived from Blighty in the ever looked
for parcel. Later on Fritz would come
out and get these luxuries.
The next night Tommy would go out
to see what Fritz put into his stocking.
The donation generally consisted of a
paper from Berlin, telling who was
winning the war, some timed sausages,
cigars, and occasionally q little beer,
but funny thing, Tommy never re-
turned with the beer unless 1t was In
side Of him. His platoon got a Whit Of
his breath one night and the offending
Tommy lost his job.
i One night young English sergeant
crawled to the stake and as he tried to
detach the German paper bomb exl
ploded and mangled him horribly. Fritz
had set trap and gained another vic
tim which was only one more black
mark against him in the book of this
war. From that time on diplomatic re-
latiOns were severed.
Returning to Tommy, I think his
spirit Is best shown In the questions he
asks. It is never "who is going to win"
but always show long will it take?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04

no -3SNOWs
was how were the men to reach these
boxes, but to key this was mere de-
!ail.
He got long ropes and tied one end
around each rafter and then tied lot
Of knots in the ropes. These ropes
would take the place of stairways.
We figured out that the rafters
would seat about forty men and sold
hat number of tickets accordingly.
When the ticketholders for the boxes
got Il glimpse of the rafters and were
Informed that they had to use the rope
stairway, there was howl of indigna-
ton, but we had their money and told
them that if they did not like it they
could write to the management later
and their money would be refunded !;
but under these conditions they would
not be allowed to witness the perform
ance that night.
After little grousing they accepted
the situation with the promise that IL
the show was rotten they certainly
would let us know about it during the
performance.
Everything went lovely and it was a
bowling success, until Alkali Ike ap-
peared on the scene with his revolver
loaded with blank cartridges. Behind
the bar on Il shelf was long line of
bottles. Alkali Ike was supposed to
star. on the left of this line and break
six of the bottles by firing ut them with
his revolver. Behind these bottles a
piece Of painted canvas was supposed
to represent the back of the bar, at
each shot from Alkali's pistol a man
behind the scenes would hit one of the
bottles with his entrenching tool
handle and smash it, to give the i'm
preston that Alkali was a good shot.
Alkali Ike started in and aimed at
the right of the line of bottles instead
Of the left, and the poor boob behind
the scenes started breaking the bottles
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04

could hardly wait until the morning
Tor further details.
After parade, the next afternoon I
was almost mobbed. Everyone in the
section wanted part in the proposed
sketch. When informed them that it
would take at least ten days of hard
work to write the plot, they We're bit
Iterly disappointed. l Immediately got
busy, made desk out OF biscuit tins
in the corner of the billet, and put up
a sign "Empey & Wallace Theatrical
Co." About twenty OF the section.
upon reading this sign, Immediately
applied for the position of Office boy.
i accepted the twenty applicants, and
sent them on scouting parties through
out the deserted French village. These
parties were to search all the attics for
discarded civilian clothes, and any
thing that we could use in the props
of our proposed company.
About five that night they returned
covered with CRIME and dust, but load
ed down with miscellaneous assort-
ment OF everything under the sun.
They must have thought that l was
going to start department store,
Judging from the different things they
brought back from their pillage.
After eight days constant writing
completed two-act farce comedy
which l called 1.-The Diamond Palace
Saloon" Upon the suggestion of one
OF the boys in the section sent proof
OF the program to printing house in
London. Then assigned the different
parts and started rehearsing. David
BelascO would have thrown up his
hands In despair at the material which
u had to use. Just imagine trying to
teach q Tommy, with a strong cockney
accent, to impersonate Bowery tough
or a Southern negro.
Adjacent to our billet was an open
field. We got busy at one end of it and
constructed stage. We secured the
lumber for the stage by demolishlng
an old wooden shack in the rear Of
our billet.
The frs scene was supposed to rep
resent s. 'eet on the Bowery in New
York. viii the scene of the second
act VI. ne interior of the Diamond
Palace saloon, also on the Bowery.
In the plav took the part of Abe
Switch. fa. -, who had come from
Pumpkinville Center, Tenn, to make
this first visit to New York.
In the first scene Abe Switch meets
the proprietor Of the Diamond Palace
saloon. a ramshackle affair which to
1.-THE owner was financial loss.
The proprietors name was Tom
Twistem, his bartender being named
F1llem Up.
After meeting Abe, Tom and Fillem
Up persuaded him to buy the place,
,praising 1t to the skies and telling
wondrous tales of the money taken
lover the bar.
While they are talking, an old Jew
named key Cohenstein comes along
and Abe engages him for cashier. After
engaging key they meet an old
Southern negro called Sambo, and
npo; " suggestion of key he is en-
gage as porter. Then the three OF
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04
= SERGT- ARTHUR GUY II

themselves 1.-THE Bow Bells" and
put on sketch entitled, "BMghty-
What Hopes?" They were the divi-
siOnal concert party.
We hoped they all would be soon
In Blighty to give us u chance.
This company charged an admission
of franc per head, and that night
our company went en- masse to see
their performance. 1t really was good.
had sinking sensation when
thought of running my sketch in OPP
position to it.
In one of their scenes they had a
soubrette called Flossie. The soldier
that took this part was clever and
made Incorporating and chic girl
We Immediately fell in love with her
until two days after, while we were
on march, we passed Fl0ssIe with
"her" sleeves rolled up and the sweat
pouring from "her" face EnloatSng
shells from motor lorry.
AS our section passed her yelled
out: Hello, Flossie; Blighty-What
Hopes?" Her reply made our love die
out instantly.
"Ah, go to h-l!"
This brought quite laugh from the
marching column directed ut me, and
Instantly made up my mind that our
sketch should Immediately run in OPP
position to "Blighty-What Hopes?"
When we returned to our billet from
the march. Curley Wallace, my the
atrical partner, came running over to
me and said he had found swanky
place in which to produce our show.
After taking off my equipment, and
followed by the rest of the section, I
went over to the building he had picked
out. 1t was monstrous barn with a
platform at one end which would make
an ideal stage. The section got right
on the job, and before night had that
place rugged out in apple-pie order.
The next day was Sunday and after
church parade we put all our time on
a dress rehearsal, and 1t went fine.
I made four or five large signs an
nouncing that our company would open
up that evening at the King George the
Fifth theater, on the corner of Ammo
street and Sandbag terrace. General
admission was one-half franc. First
ten rows in orchestra one franc, and
boxes two francs. BY this time our
printed programs had returned from
London, and / further announced that
on the night of the first performance
program would be given free of
charge to men holding tickets costing a
franc or over.
We had an orchestra of seven men
and seven different Instruments. This
orchestra was excellent, while they
were not playing.
The performance was scheduled to
start at 6 p. IN.
At 5:15 there was mob in front of
our one entrance and it looked like q
big night. We had two boxes each ac-
commodating four people. and these
we Immediately sold out. Then a
brilliant idea came to key Cohenstein
! Why not use the rafters overhead, call
them boxes, and charge two francs for
seat on them? The only difficulty
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-04-04

On the left, and then the boxholders
turned loose; but outside of this little
dasco the performance was huge sue.
cess. and we decided to run it for a
week,
New troops were constantly coming
lnr0ugh, and for six performances we
lad the IS. R. O." sign suspended out
tide.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
LINCOLN ON THE TEMPERANCE
REvOl uTlON

An early speech of Abraham Lin
coins, says magazine writer, "does
not appear to have been quoted as
often as some others. One wonders
why" Speaking in Fourth Of July
vein, Lincoln said:
"Of our political revolution Of 1776
we are all justly proud. II has given
us a degree OF political freedom, far
exceeding that Of any other Of the
nations OF the earth. In It the world
has found solution Of the long moot
cd problem as to the capabllity Of the
man TO govern himself. In II was the
germ which has vegetated, and still Is
to grow and expand into the universal
liberty Of mankind"
"Turn now" he proceeded, ito the
temperance revolution, In It we shall
find stronger bondage broken, vller
slavery manumitted, greater tyrant
deposed. In It more Of want supplied,
more disease healed, more sorrow as.
suaged. BY II no orphans starving, no
widows weeping. BY 1t none wounded
In feeling, none injured in interest.
Even the drammaker, and dramseller,
will have gllded into other occupations
so gradually as never TO have felt the
shock of change, and will stand ready
to join all others In the universal song
Of gladness."
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
NEVER AGAlNl

"NOthlng could be more unjust to Ia.
Dor than to represent II rs wanting the
saloon or It's vicious association" says
the Admission (Ala.) Star. "Had 1t not
been for the labor vote the saloon could
not have been wiped out of existence
In this state. Were It not for the labor
vote there would be no hope of keep
Ing 1t out Of the state. That Is why
the antis are going 10 profess such In
terest in labor and the labor vote.
What part has labor with the liquor
traffic? Why should they want to per-
petuate the scurrllous business? Let
the liquor crowd tell the labOrlng man
why they want him to have the bad
business on their hands! They dare
not do so! They dare not insult the
intelligence and the common sense OF
the laborlng people by trying to say
what the liquor business means fol-
them.
"Once upon time he may have
thought he needed his drink; once up
on n time he may have felt that he
was suffering personal invasion OF
rights when the saloon by the vote OF
his fellow citizens was taken out OF
the community, but he does not feel sc
now. Never again, says the laborlnl
man."
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
SHOW THE LIQUOR SELLER.
A pennsvlyonio soloOnkppDpr

A Pennsylvania saloonkeeper went
South to visit his son, in Camp Greene.
He was asked how he liked the place.
like it2" he replied, 81 thank God that
my boy is down here training. The
sight of 10000 young men, epjoyine
themselves without drinking drop
has made me prohibltionlst. I'm go'
Ing home, close out my saloon and get
into some other line"
Apropos Of this incident, 1t has been
suggested that successive patches OF
saloonkeepers be sent to the various
cantonments TO see the thousands of
young men who are having the jolliest
time Of their lives without any aid
from John Barleycorn.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
THE PEOPLE DEMAND.

Railroad trains speed swiftly day
and night in storm and wind and snow
along their way. They thread noun
tain chasms; they cross deep cuts on
airy, scarey trestles; they round dan.
gerous curves. Only the brain of hair
trigger quickness, only the nerves of
steel can be trusted with trainloads
of human lives. A single glass of
whisky may mean the mlsreadlng of a
signal and n holocaust Of hundreds OF
human lives snuffed out. The public
demanded sober railway men-and got
them. It now demands sober nation.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
LABOR UNIONS AND PRoHlel

IION.
DIR. Wilbur Crafts Of the Interna'
tional Reform Bureau says he has
lived ut the doors Of congress for %
years and has kept close tab on petl
tlons. He finds none against prohibi
ton from labor unions In dry states.
"Only 447 In ALL" he tells us, "one'
fiftleth of the $4,000 labor unions In
the land, aud all these from wet
states that know nothing about pro
hlbltlon except from hearsay. 1t is
case of unintended humor-as II
447 witnesses were called in court
against mans character-none OF
whom had ever seen him or known OF
him except by rumors that had reached
them in other states. 1t is as II 441
persons had presented prize essays on
dentistry that never pulled n tooth
as II 447 frogs in the marsh had
united in declaration that 1t was
unhealthy to live high and dry"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
Majesty Of Scripture,

The majesty Of Scripture strikes me
with admiration, as the purity Of the
Gospel has It's influence on my heart.
Peruse the works Of our philosophers ;
with all their pomp Of dictlon, how
mean, how contemplate are they with
the Scriptures Is II possible that
a book at once so simple so sublime
should be merely the work of man1
The Jewish authors were incapable
of diction, and strangers to the NOR
ality contained In the Gospel, the
marks OF whose truths are so strlk-
Ing and lnlmltable that the inventor
would be more astonishing char
ncter than the hero.-Rousseau
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
TOO WEAK
TO FIGHT

The Come back" man was really never
down'and.out. His weakened condition
because Of overwork, lack of exercise, i'm
proper eating and living demands stimula-
ton TO satisfy the cry for health-giving
appetite and the refreshing sleep essential
70 strength GOLD MEDAL Haarlem Oil
laapsules, the National Remedy of Holland,
Will do the work. They are wonderful.
Three Of these capsules each day will put
man on his feet before he knows it;
whether his trouble comes from uric acid
poisoning, the kidneys, gravel or stone In
the bladder, stomach arrangement or other
ailments that befall the over-zealous Amer
ican. The best known, most reliable rem.
sddy for these troubles is GOLD MEDAL
HARLEM Oil Capsules. This remedy has
stood the test FOR more than 200 years
since its discovery in the ancient labora.
tories in Holland. II acts directly and
gives relief at once Don't wait until you
are entirely down.and-out, but take them
Today Your druggist will gladly refund
Your money il they do not help you. Ac-
sept no substitutes. Look for the name
@TtOLD MEDAL on every box, three sizes:
uuhey, are the pure, original, imported
haarlem Oil Capsules.-Adv.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
woRKINoMgN FOR PROHIBITION.

A hundred pleblscltes in England
have concluslvely shown that the
workmen of that isle are overwhelm-
ingly for prohibition.
Labor In America, and organized Ia
bor at that, has more than once dem
onstrated that Mr.. Gompers mlsrep-
resents our workmen in supporting the
brewery interests. Not single labor
union in state where the policy has
been tested has petltloned against ma
tlonal prohibition.
1t is fact that many are favorable
TO Prohibition.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
Gold In the Head"

ls an acute attack OF Nasal Catarrh Per-
sons who are subject TO frequent colds
in the head" will find that the use OF
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE VIII
build up the System. cleanse the Blood
and render them less liable to colds.
Repeated attacks OF Acute Catarrh may
lead TO Chronic Catarrh.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE Is tax:
en- Internally and acts through the Blood
on the Mucous Surfaces OF the system
$1,000 for any case OF catnrrh tina,
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE viii moi
f. J. Cheney & Co. Toledo, Ohio
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24

turns to this
world that he will
find no fait h.
They have been
interpreted as be-
ing simply an in
quiry, because Of
the teachings OF
the Bible and
pres en- { world
conditions ms to
faith at [ h q {
time. In either
case we have q
wreck In view,
whether real or
imaginary.
Faith may be
understood as the
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
NOTHING IN 1T.

There Is nothing In the talk that
prohibition completely demorallzes a
large city. There must necessarily be
period Of adjustment, which is oft
entimes n trifle trying, but no dlsas'
ter befalls community If agencies In
behalf of 1t are properly at work. In
short, there is nothing of serious ma
ture In this community growing out of
the sudden transition from open sa'
looms to dry town.-R. II. Faxon,
General Secretary Des Molnes Cham
ber of Commerce.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24

I freely admit that salvation is
worth working for. 1t Is worth n
mans going around the world on his
hands and knees, climbing its noun
tains, crossing its valleys, swimming
It's rivers, going throu..,,: all manner
Of hardshlps in order to attain 1t. But
we do not get 1t in that way. 1t is to
him that eleveth.-Moody.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24
ENCOURAGEMENT.

"IIow did your war garden turn
outf'
"Flne," answered Mr.. Crosslots. 81
raised enough weeds to prove that the
soil would be simply wonderful for
something else IL could make 1t
crow"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1918-10-24

When pray talk to God, but when
read the Bible God is talking TO me {;
and Il Is really more important that
God should speak to me than that !
should speak to him. ! belleie we
should know better how to pray IL we
knew our Bibles better.--Moody.