Licking Valley courier., 1918-05-16
Mr.. SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT McBLAIR.

Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor during the
Civil War and had died bravely ON the
field of action. Mr.. Simpklns' throat
ached now for two reasons: First. he
reverenced and adored the memory of
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
20 to wGr himself. And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
ing gaze Of Colonel Simpkins he saw,
IN Imagination, the khaki clad lads If
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles of SEA to
night maybe die, for liberty.
Mr.. Simpkins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for a salute.
But his gouty shoulder twing" l. ind he
groaned. He couldn't even salute.
"Damn!" said Mr.. slmpkirs. and
with his other hand fiercely twiried his
white mustachios.
He turned and limped into the IL
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
Ject Of taxes ever since he had discOv-
cred that the more income man has
the greater the percentage of 1t he
pays In taxes. He could think of sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
ried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half Of his, they would pay only a
small fraction of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filling in the information
that 1t asked for.
AS Mr.. Simpkins' income was $4,000
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each of the successive smaller
classes Of incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes, that is, single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay 2 per cent. (under
the 1915 law) on all income over
$4,000, deducting 5000 for each of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpklns' case this was $212, which he
put down in the payable" column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law, married men pay an additional 9
per cent. on all over $2,000-with the
same allowance for children. This
added S252 to his payable" column.
He then observed that for every
$500 jump in his income over $1,000
he had to pay Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden
And on top of all this came an "Ex-
cess Profits" tax of per cent. on all
Occupation" income over $4,000, max.
ing $720 more.
The total, then, he must pay was four.
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars
"Whew!" exclaimed Mr.. Simpkins
angrily. "There's young Henry VIII
klns, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $1,000 and he doesn't pay a
cent. Of taxes. guess this is his war
as well as mine!"
Thinking of young Henry wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs wilkins went
every afternoon to make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who
was lawyer, was aiding the Local
Draft Board with its questionnalres.
"Well," he admitted TO himself,
THAT makes difference"
He thought next Of Judge Willough.
by, whose income was about $4,000.
HE only pays S20," commented Mr..
Slmpkins, not quite so angrily this
time; and then thought struck him
and he sat up rigidly in his chair.
Judge Willoughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when 1t was
summarized with the loss of two hun
dred soldiers.
Judge Willoughby gave his son ia
America" muttered Mr.. Slmpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands.
For a long time Mr. Slmpkins sal
very still In that position. There was
no sound in the library except the
ticking Of the tall clock and an occa
slonal trlll of laughter from the chill
dren skylarking upstairs. The square
of light on the carpet gradually with
drew itself through the window, ant
first twilight and then darkness settled
in about the quiet, white haired, some
times irasclble old man.
Mr.. Slmpkins was thinking thing'
which he would never afterward speal
of, he was thinking things that wer'
too sacred ever to be put into words
But some inkllng Of his thoughts ma!
he found in his rejoinder TO Mrs
Simpkins when that placid lady CAM
in and turned on the lights, and aske'
, him whether he was ready for dinner
Judge Willoughby's only son wa
worth as much as fourteen hundre,
} and thirty-four dollars, wasn't he?
Mr.. Simpkins demanded Of her.
AS his wife, who was not unused I
his superficial irritations, watched hir
\ in mild astonishment, Mr.. Slmpkln
limped out to the hall and took hi
old felt hat and silver.headed can
from the hat rack. Letting himself ou
into the foggy evening, he tapped hi
way down to the corner, and mailed hi
: income tax statement and check wit
n his own hanus.