Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1918-02-28
HOME GUARDS.


several days." remarked Mrs. Turpen-
tine. SIS he out of town."
mo, he's in the house." replied Mrs.
Curfew, "but his head is badly dent
ed and bruised, and he is threatened
with nervous prostration, and won't
allow him to leave the premises until
he is more like himself.
"I'm sure l don't know what's going
to become of Mr.. Curfew unless he
can get rid of some of his patriotism.
I'm glad to have husband who is
willing and anxious to make sacrifices
for his country, but l can't help think
ing that even patriotism may be car
ried too far.
MY husband has been trying to en-
list ever since diplomatic relations
with Germany were broken off, but
the officials won't accept him. They
take one look at his flowing white
whiskers and advise him to get
plush-lined rocking chair and pair
Of carpet slippers, and spend his de-
clining years by the fireside. One SER
geant or corporal or other enlisting
officer said the country was trying to
organize an army, not an octogenari-
ans club, and Mr.. Curfew was boiling
mad.
FINALLY, seeing that he couldn't
break into the army, he decided to
organize a regiment of home guards
to police the town when the able-bod-
led young men are called away. He
went around and interviewed a lot of
the patriarchs in the neighborhood,
and they all said it would be fine
thing, and they would be glad to take
part.
"Mr Curfew elected himself colonel
or brigadier general or something. He
felt that he was entitled to the COM
manding position, as the idea was his
own, and the old men admitted that
it was fair, and SO the other evening
they assembled for a drill on John
sons vacant lot across the alley. Mr..
Curfew had dug up sword and big
brass helmet with plume on it, and
he had red sash around his waist
and large spurs on his boots, and
when he walked he clanked like a
keg of nails.
"He certainly was an imposing fig
ure when he went out of the house in
all his martial array, and was proud
of his appearance, although / feared
the worst, for didn't believe the old
men of his brigade would stand it to
be bossed around. I-knew most of
them personally, nd>they are can
tankerous lot, and their wives can't
get along with them.
"My husband shouted some order
and some OF the men obeyed and 9th
ers just stood around grinning. Mr..
Gooseworthy said there was no sense
in such an order and that it was con-
trary to all military rules and the eth
les of West Point, or words to that eff
feet
"My husband reprimanded him Sc
verely. which was perfectly proper,
for If the commanding officer of a
home guard can't maintain discipline
there is going to be anarchy Mr..
Gooseworthy said he'd be everlasting
ly drawn and quartered If he'd be spo-
ken to in that tone of voice by any
body. and he picked up chunk of Wit
rified brick and threw 1t at my hus-
band.
ut struck his brass helmet and
jammed 1t down over his ears. so that
we had to get the blacksmith to pry
II OF. Meanwhile all the members of
the home guard INDUCED in riot,
some supporting my husband and
some backing Mr.. Gooseworthy. and
they were all bunged up more or less,
but most of the bricks and things hit
my husband, for he was where the
weapons were thickest, as he always
is, and / really don't want the neigh.
bors to see him until his head Is
healed up"