davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Luke McLuke Says.

A woman is often in brown study because she cant decide whether she will get white, pink or blue wall paper for the bedroom.
 A man always gets the worst of it when he fools with a buzz saw. Therefore, why not prohibit the man ufacture and sale of buzz saws?
 Maybe if you could change places with the man you are knocking you wouldn't find so much fault with him.
 And many a young fellow who goes to college to pursue his studies has no idea of overtaking them.
 Some prudes are so finiky that they claim that the man who painted September Morn didn't make a de cent job of it.
 A mon de plume" is a pen name, But that isn't the name you call your fountain pen when you discover that the blame thing has leaked all over your vest.
 What doth it profit a woman to have a dozen cheerful and Sunday notices on the walls of the dining room when she lets stray hair get into the food her husband is going to eat!
 If you write hibrow stuff that mo- body can understand, you are a philosopher But if you write home ly stuff that everybody can under stand.1you are a Damfool.
 You mak have noticed that girl never seems to enjoy herself when she is kissing another girl like she does when she is kissing another man.
 And no matter how honest and truthful a witness may be, he is a well-eyed liar to those who are on the other side of the case.
 It may be all very well for single man to love his neighbors. But married man has to be careful.
 Many a bachelor is sorry that he swapped his poor quarters for a bet ter half.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
COWS KEPT ABOARD OF THE TRAINS IN
 SIBERIA PROVINCE

TOKYO, Nov. 29.-Many refugees are living and raising poultry or keeping cows in trains in Siberia ac- cording to Shinryo Tanaka, a coun- cillor in the Japanese Railway Board, who has been travelling in Siberia on an investigation of railroads. He said:
 AS one travels westward in Si- beria train refugees are found in greater numbers. They have convert ed railway compartments into quite comfortable homes which are prOvid- ed with all the necessary household requisites. Although the rolling stock is by no means plentiful the author ities are not so heartless as to drive away those poor people from their newly-occupied abodes and they are allowed to live in the trains.
 Every station swarms with dirty, ragged beggars. They invade pas senger trains and sometimes they fol- low their intended victims over sev- eral stations until their solicitations are satisfied"
 HAVE YOU ordered one of those fresh craskr crabs at the Alaska Grill,
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Wholesale Wastage of Food.
(New York World.)

(New York World) century it is difficult to point to defects of administration which recklessy, for lack of little and foresight, constantly wasting the general wealth.
 At the present time for instance when everybody in Europe and America is facing drastic restrictions and regulations to food it is interesting to read the following item in the London Times:
 Last year 4,847 tons of food
 demned unfit for human use in the Port
 grain, 22S fresh and frozen beef, 235
 frozen rabbits S2 nuts 267 vegetables and
 sos fruit.
 Probably equqal greater amount of food that good condemned and de- stroyed in the period at the Port of New York. Last year America stinting herself in the matter of food to supply the Allies and England esands of of food mperativey needed, through prompt distribution, suffered to go to How much blame attaches to American shippers who unquestonably supplied large part of the food Lon don authorities compelled condemn is not known, but New Yorks authorities could readily parallel this story of waste.
 Some of these days when people grow wise enough to demand intelligent service the part of those who them, there will be change and those responsible for such waste will be punished for crime against society Then this haphazard way of saving at the spgo and wasting at the bunghole will be stopped.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
The Man With a Crouch.
Clos Angeles Times. )
spring.

The man with grouch is with the world. He's like Kaiser in that he wants his partic- ular brand of kultur prevail Nothing doing I've got perfectly satisfactory culture of my own, thank you!' And he sulks and and beats his head against stone wall of polite impolite opposition. And develops a virulent of grouch,
 Crouch is a disease common among egotists If per mted to run. for any length of time it likely to strike inward affecting the heart, the liver and the spleen But it's worst ravages in the mans soul may ultimately kill that, while it permits the body to live spleneticaly. Not much hope for the nfrmcd 'crouch." He's summed by friend and foe alike He's at once a kill-joy and a joke He's named, disdanuy, after the very disease he harbors in his
 But grouch is not catching. On the contrary the man who looks and listens to the with a crouch is almost sure to become immune for life. Which sounds paradoxical, but is absolutely true. Contact brings By the token, if the grouchy man will commune with himself for five min utes he too will be cured-perhaps forever.
 Self-dseipline is the best doctor.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Etc. Etc.

A London, England, clergyman has christened his son Lyulph Yderallo Odin Nestor Egbert Lyonel TOedmag Hugh, Brehenwyse Saron Esq Orme Cromwell Nevil Dysart Plantagenet Tollema che-Tollemache.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Promoting Peace.

"The Hague Court will promote peace in the future observed the Old Fogy.
 Huh" replied the Crouch. q guess the Divorce Court will keep on batting around 400 when it comes to promoting peace"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
GoshI

Some lawyers are very rough when they are cross-examining a witness But what we started to say was that Harsh & Harsh are attorneys in the Bank of Commerce Building, Mem phis, Tenn.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Oh, Joy!

No matter who is successful at the annual election of the club, Ina Horn blower, of East Pittsburg, Penn, will be on the job as usual
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Good Dope.

q am an optimist," said Mike, "A real one, too, you bet; If l cant get the things l like, I like the things I get"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

The United States generous and proved her self ready to furnish the Allies with the money and credit they requireI 10 continue the that now Germany. Austria and Turkey asking her to finance reconstruction iP their countries.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Megaemania dies hard and suppose the Kaiser will always think he'd have if God could only be trusted in while to do the right thing in emergency.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

It is all right for thin girl to car ry a powder rag in her stocking But a Corn Fed girl cant do it. She hasn't room
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Russia has put in a request for Consantinople for which Russians have possessed longing for many centuries But it is stated which Russia has asked the city
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

There was a time when Bill made progress with his celebrated shock divisions" but what Bill needs more than anything know of is some good shock absorbers.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Isn't there way of providing in the peace terms for evacuation by the enemy of the Milwaukee (Wis.) sector?
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

The Germans refuse to be the level. It is not necessary. There is plenty of below the level. -( Brooklyn Eagle)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
N anes Is Names.

A. Sensation lives in Johnstowi., Pennsylvania.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Our Daily Snecjal,

We Want Others To See Us As We See Ourselves.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

including the drugstore that adver- tised in the Hun language, we note that a druggist on York street, New port, Ky, has removed the "Deutsche Apotheke" sign from his window c. G. O.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
BITS OF BY . PLAY By Luke EcLuke
 -:- Copyright by Cincinnati
 Enquirer
Mean Brute! !

Mean Brute! Your wife tells me that she has an even disposition said Mrs. Nay bor
 That's right" agreed MT Gabb. She has an even disposition. She is mdt. al the tine"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Lucky Job,

@ASNJ SOS' Jobs lot il life was not SO bad His troubles would have made me laugh; Jobs next tdoor neighbor never had A fourteen dollar phonograph.
 Luke McLuke. Jobs lot in life was not so bad, His bills may have been little ones And he escaped the lucky lad, The Kaiser and his dirty Huns.
 Newark Advocate. Jobs lot in life was really nice. Though at the idea you may scoff, He never had to pay for ice, Or shoo the bill collector off Memphis Commercial Appeal.
 Practicing. "It's tough said yoang Attorney Daw,
 ''No clients seem to come to me; Instead of rraciicing the law, I'm practicing economy"
 Luke McLuke. "When aln ill" said Henry Blin, "Pray call no green M. D. He must ha skilled for l won't stand For practicing on me"
 Walton (Ga) Tribune.
 Well. That Helps. Dear Luke: Since you started your campaiga agalnst everything German,
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

And to think that there actually times when housewives boycoted because they were 50 a dozen,-( Cincinnati Enquirr)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Flaw, Haw. Marriages are made in Heaven" sighed Miss Oldgirl Well" growled Mir. Oldback, I'm going to wait until l get to head quarters"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
No Joke.

The old clothes man is rare, l VOW,
 His kind is scarce and few; Because we have no old clothes now Our cid clothes are our new.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

How to Break the Habit. He smokes no more, Poor OlWald Bars; Because his wife
 Buys his cigars.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Fooey! |!

Sign on a fish store in New Orleans "Our Fish Cannot Be Approached"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
PRINCIPAL CHARACTERISTIC IS UNTRUTH

The busy District Attorney Roth of the
 Fourth Division has gone into secluslon,
 due to a black eye administered by the
 scrappy Dan Sutherland, Territorial Sen
 ator from the interior. Sometimes, it is
 quite within the rules of the game to em-
 poy fsticufs to settle arguments, when deal
 ing with insulting cuss like the District
 Attorney in the Fourth-( Anchorage Tlmes)
 The foregoing editorial based on telegram sent broadcast through Alaska day or two before election by a Juneau Wickershamite for political purposes. It's chief characteristic is untruth It is based on an incident of the campaign that would think any wholly member of the Legislature would not desire have paraded before the public. As far as the result of the rumpus between Dan Sutherland the man who seems to desire a reputa- physical prowess and MT. Roth is concerned MT Roth did go into retirement at all, and the only disagreement to him after the combatants had been separated to his right hand, which had come in contact. with his antagonist and the only blood that visible the Legislators phys iogamy.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
Things to Worry Apo

A parrot lays an egg every four years.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29
How Many Feet?

How Many Feet? Miss I NJ: Inches teaches school at o. S. & S. o. Home at Xenia, Ohio.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

HAVE YOU ordered one of those fresh craskr crabs at the Alaska Grill,
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Entered as second class matter November ', 1912. at the posjoce Juneau, Alaska, under the Act of March 3, 1N79.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Authorized Local Agents OCuglas and Treadwell, Guy Smith; Thane, l.. Peabody; Perseverance, R. o. Egeland.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Jobs lot i1 life was not so bad. His troubles would have made me
 laugh;
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Tor the long future we have reason 10 believe the country will be more progressive and prosperous than before
 Tt remains for all g ho have been per mtted to survive the horrors of war to en- ter the new era with a united and fraternal spirit, and a fixed purpose tO profit by ex- periences of the past and to aid in estab- lishment Of a permanent basis of peace and prosperity"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-11-29

Dear Luke: Since you started your agalnst everything German,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
s !; &f e! on:
MRC. ELIZABETH THOMPSON

people 10 rush into matrimOny
when they have no idea what the
future has in store for them.
Dear Mrs. Thompson: | live on
a large farm and am well off. but
am in trouble. | am in love with
a girl, but | don't think she knows
it. How can | win her love?
Is ii right to answer a girls let
ter if you are in love with another
girl? l.. F.
Call on the girl and take her
places. Then when she has be-
come accustomed to your atten-
tions and knows that you like her,
tell her that you love her.
1t is all right to answer another
girls letters if you are in love. If
you are engaged it is not best to
keep up correspondence with an
other girl unless the girl you are
engaged to is willing to have you.
Dear Mrs. Thompson: ! have an
old rose sweater which is very
much soiled. Could you tell me
whether there would be any dan
ger of my running it by washing it?
WEALTHEA.
Some silk sweaters wash. but not
all. 1t would be best to take the
sweater to the store where you
bought it and get their advice If
they say it will wash you will be
Reasonably safe in trying it. OF
course the best way would be to
send it to a dry cleaner. 1t would
also be perfectly safe to clean it in
gasoline yourself
Dear Mrs. Thompson: What
should girl say if boy tells her
he loves her and wants to kiss her.
although she does not want him to
when they are not engaged?
ANXIOUS.
mo. I will not let you" or any
thing else she feels like saying 1t
isn't so much what she says as the
way she says il and means it that
convinces the boy.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
TOMORROW Is LAST
REGISTRATION DAY

Tomorrow, March &c. is the final
registration day for the coming
ing election. April =.
For the reason that the precinct
lines have been changed generally
over the city, the voters should take
more than passing interest in this
registration day. Many voters who
have cast their ballot for years at
one polling place will find that they
are in a new precinct this year. For
this reason it behooves every voter
TO go to their respective polling
places to made certain that their
name has been registered. Where
women voters register il is advis-
able that they give their Christian
name. The judges will be at the
polls tomorrow from the hours of
a. IN. 10 8 p. IN.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
MENAPPRECIATE
RED CROSS HELP
Letter Received From Soldier Who
Passed Through City Ex-
presses Thanks.

The local Red Cross was this
morning in receipt of still another
proof of what canteen service
meant TO troops served last week
The following letter came TO Red
Cross headquarters; it speaks en-
tirely for itself:
"Enroute.
Mothers, Sisters. Sweethearts,
Kind Friends.
Let me in behalf of my com
rades, thank each and every one
of the young ladies who so kindly
served US Thursday evening win
smokes. candy and gum.
Suffice it to say tina. We all
left Rock Island believing that the
womanhood of that city at least.
appreciated our humble efforts in
this great warfare.
Again thanking you. let me re-
main,
FRANCIS A BURTON.
First Sergeant, Camp Merritt, n.
J."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
Does Indigestion Occur.

Acute indigestion" Is one bad
guess which has needlessly alarm
ed a million people. There IL no
such condition. No matter what
fine old doctor imagined il.
We all suffer now and then from
the goodness of our loving friends.
We eat just to be agreeable, and we
wish later that we had been strong
enough TO refuse. Call the DIS
comfort and unpleasant sense OF
fitness or distress acute indiges-
ton If you think that helps mat
tiers any. However, there is only
one remedy for It. and that Is time.
And only one preventative. and that
is independence, of character sur
ficient to refuse food when you
don't want it.
The acute Indigestion the "emi-
nent' physician springs on the MIN
BILE reporter is a blanket title for
whatever ails the well known clti-
zen 1t is nothing else. When you
read about 1t, you may while away
the time until the next bulletin
wondering whether the patient
really has aneurism, uremia, gall
stone, dilated heart, pancreatitis, or
whatnot And in the end you Will
probably be wrong.
Remember how you used to gaze
upon the tempting green apple tree
as a youngster, yet resist the temp
tation in the fear of green apple
cholera morbus? Well, that never
happened either, excepting in fairy
tales. Green apples are quite as
wholesome as yellow bananas, II
you chew them well; in any case
they can cause no more than slight
distress. not cholera morbus. |
know. because I have tried the ex-
pertinent in person and in practice
many a time. No matter what the
grand old doctor books had to say
on the subject. Those old tones
were fairly packed with supersti
ton.
Gall-sac Inflammation and gall
stone disease are notorious causes
of pain, gas, and all the other
symptoms that characterize irreg-
ular recurring spells of so-called
acute indigestion"
Angina pectoris. acute inflamma-
ton of the pancreas, acute perfor-
ating appendicitis. perforating gas
trio or duodenal ulcer. rupture of
an aneurism in chest or abdomen,
locomotor ataxia. uremia and apo
plexy are some of the actual condi-
tions which account for fatal seiz-
ures of so-called acute indiges-
ton"
A meal of unwisely chosen food.
an overload of food, or a very little
food when you are not naturally
hungry or have no desire for food,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25

Dear Mrs Thompson: | am
deeply in love with young man
who is in France now. He told me
he loved me the day he went away,
but did not ask me to marry him.
We recently had a quarrel through
the mail. | objected to his writing
letters to another girl and he said
he would not stop. | wrote him
that he need not write to me if
hew rote to her. and he hasn't writ
ten since. | don't know what to
do. l love him and want him to
write. Shall | write and say | am
sorry and am willing he should
write to anyone he wants to?
ALFREDA.
Do not write to him He may
think from your silence that you
don't really care for him, and he is
apt to write again just to see. Then
YOU can answer his letter. but don't
mention your previous quarrel.
Write just as if nothing had hap
pened
Dear Mrs. Thompson: | am a
young man % years of age and
have been going with a young lady
for about two years. | am a farm
er boy and am unsettled as to
whether l should get married. The
war makes me doubtful.
BLUE EYES.
I think you should wait until the
war is over. There is great
chance that you will be called into
service in spite of the fact that you
are a farmer.
Dear Mrs. Thompson: am a
young lady % years of age ana
have been going With a young
man several years. He is two
years older than myself and in the
draft age. He expects to be called
soon. Please advise me what to do
about getting married before he is
called to the colors. WORRIED.
Wait until after the war to
marry. 1t is so unwise for young
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25

preparatory class will meet in the
pastors study in the church
Special Easter services will be
held at the church. Sunday. Al
$50 Knights Templar No. IS will
hold their Easter services at the
church There will be communion
and reception of members at tn ;
morning hour.
South Park Presbyterian
evening at 7:30 the intermediate
Young Peoples society will meet
at the church.
Wednesday afternoon the church
vii! be open for Red Cross sewing.
At Ais the Juniors VIII present
an Easter program; at 100 md
week prayer services Will be led
by l.. Z. Dodson.
Thursday afternoon at 2:2G the
annual meeting of the Woman
guild will be held at EEe church
for the election of officers. a COT
fee will be held in connection with
the meeting.
Friday evening the church choir
will meet with Miss Hazel Spauld-
ing.
Second Christian-The Ladies'
Aid society will meet Wednesday
at the church
Midweek prayer services will be
held Wednesday evening and there
will be baptism at the Memorial
Christian church
Fifteenth Avenue Christian The
Loyal Sons will meet Tuesday
/ evening with Reuben Carlson, 153l
Thirty-second street.
Thursday afternoon the Ladies'
Aid society will meet with Mrs. F.
F. Burch, 1915 Twenty-eighth
street
Free MethOdist-Class meeting
will be held Tuesday evening at
the church.
The Woman's Foreign Mission
society will meet at Thursday a.
the parsonage.
Prayer services will be held
Thursday evening at the church.
Central Presbyterian-The .Ju-
Nor Christian Endeavor society
will meet at the church on Tues
day afternoon at Ais o'clock
The mid-week service will he
held as usual on Wednesday even
ing at 7:30 O'Clock.
The Ladies' Missionary society
will give splendid program on
I Friday afternoon at the church.
The missionary societies of the
other Presbyterian churches are TO
be the guests OF Central. The pro-
gram begins at 9 O'Clock, but menr-
bers of the society are requested
to meet at 2:30 o'clock Tor a short
business session.
The Christian EndeavOr society
| will hold the annual Easter sun
rise prayer meeting at the church
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
MOOrp-Clark,

The marriage Of Lieutenant Al
win J Moore ~ the ordnance de-
p8rtment. L. s A. regulars. Rock
Island arsenal. and Miss Mabel A.
Clark daughter Of Mr.. and Mrs.
John ". Clark OF Indianapoii Ind,
was a quiet wedding Of Friday aft
ernoon. taking place at o'clock in
St Johns NJ. F. church of Daven-
port. Dr. Charles NJ Shepherd of
ficiated The bride was in spring
suit of green serge, with hat and
blouse 10 match The bridal couple
will reside in Rock Island. Lieu
tenant Moore has been in the army
for the last 20 years and has served
in the Philippines, China and ia
pan
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
rnrtN On IN RirthdaN.

Alice Green was a very much sur
prised Young woman yesterday
when she was surprised on the oc-
casion of her seventh birthday, the
party having been arranged and
given by MIR. and Mrs William
Water n their home. 1882 Thirty
eighth street Games and contests
Of various kinds were played and
the prize winners were Rosamond
Ihrig. Raphael Teal and Bernice
Green. At o'clock a delicious
birthday lunch was served The
guest Of honor of the afternoon was
left with a number of nice birth
day gifts
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
SPLENDID SERMONS
CATHOLIC CHURCHES

AT Sacred Heart and St. JOseph's
Catholic church last night both
scheduled speakers addressed large
audiences, the pastors of each
church exchanging pulpIts. Father
c. P. ONeill occupied st Joseph s,
his being the last lecture OF the
series held each year. The week
preceding Easter Sunday Is an es
pecially significant one in Catholic
churches and entails strict reliS-
ious observance. Holy THURSDAY
and Good Friday are observations
of the last week in lent. The ser
vices for Easter will be very beau
tiful. the programs to be announce |
LATER
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-03-25
Party on sd Birthday.

Mrs Christina kautZ. one Of the
well known pioneer residents js
Blue Grass. who has been spend
ing the winter with her daughter.
Mrs Louis Winter. of 1870 Tenth
avenue. Rock Island, celebrated
her S3rd birthday the past week
and there was a gathering of some
thirtv-six or more of her immedi-
ate relatives in honor OF the day.
The guests included the seven
children Of Mrs kautz. A birth
day supper was served at which
the special feature OF the table
decoration was a large. beautifully
decorated and candle lighted birth
day cake having SO tiny waA tapegS