East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-11-16
THE GREAT
BOY PROBLEM
BY MRS. KINGSLEY.


you, reailyl Yes. you have your diff
culties--and rearing son IS a gigantic
difficulty, all mothers agree on that He
may be headstrongs most real boys are.
He may be nerve-racldngly boisterous;
he wouldn't be half boy If he weren't.
He may "go in" for vociferous neel<ties
that put your good taste to shame; all
boys do that at some time or other in
their lives But worst Of all, he may not
give you his confidence; that is partly
your fault. II Is possible for any mother
to win the confidence Of her son pro-
viding she brings all her tact ali her
sweetness. all her patience, all her moth
er instinct to the task.
It is about confidence that would
speak for that Is the rocle-bottom foun-
dation of successful boy training. In the
very young child, boy or girl, confidence
in mother is second nature Every sim
gle little hurt. new plan, question, all are
brought before the maternal court 1
regret to say, though, that the maternal
court is not always the most sympathetic
place nor always the most just place of
decision. Sometimes it gives you per
fectiy corizing hearing. but two months
later Il sees st 10 renew the whole un-
beautiful scene when you had quite for
gotten all about it No wonder the
small boy locks his lips At such open
abuse of his confidence.
Now, / do not mean 10 imply that ali
mothers are like the much maligned
stepmother; that they are cruel and un-
sympathetic to a degree; or that they
are Intentionally unjust and knowingly
responsible for their sons lack Of con-
dence in them. But / do want 10 tell
these same mothers that they are very
often thoughtIcss where they should be
most thoughtfuli and that they are re-
sponsibIe for the lack Of confidence on
the part of their boys
But there is consolation in the knowl-
edge that confidence once lost may with
the exercise Of tact and patience be re-
gained OF course, this is pretty much
impossible after the teens" but it is
pre-eminently probable before that To
begin with the mother must appreciate
the value Of confidence in character
building, and then she must appreciate
the confidence as it is given. 1t is not
sufficient to, say to ones self How for
tunate / am in having son who tells
me everything and then show only q
forced interest in what is being told. IF
necessary drop everything before you
while you give the little matter at hand
your whole attention Reason things
out with the little fellow. and then sug-
gest advice--remembe suggest" oh,
what . tremendous influence for good
you can exert here. Just think Of the
golden opportunity that you have to- in
cuIcate sound principles, high ideals and
a right idea of things in general
Once you have proved yourself gym
pathetic listener, and wise judge. do
not spoil it all by referring to the un-
pleasant matter some time later. Learn
to drop a thing, and perfect wealth of
trust is yours without the asking. AM
other great help in winning the much
coveted trust is in getting the boys
viewpoint Of the situation. In other
words, prove yourself real "chum." In
the exercise of the "ehummy" spirit the
mother is all-powerful as a character
moulder.
Why have not spoken Of the daugh-
ter's confidence? Simply because deal
too much thought is gwen to the up
bringing of the daughter with the result
that the boy Of the house just grows up
Of his own accord like any other weed.
Why, nine mothers out of ten win tell
you that the girl is much more OF a
problem than the boy As far as that
goes, both are pretty equally prohlemat-
ical propositions But why the girls
friends should be chosen for her while
the boy picks up" his must ever remain
a mystery to those who disregard sex
distinction when it is a question OF
morals.
Mary simply has to discontinue hes
acquaintance with that young man"
because he is not the right sort for her.
Must John discontinue his acquaintance
with that young woman" for the same
reasons Unfortunately for all con
eerned, mother has never once laid eyes
on the young woman friend OF Johns
In all probability. John is the victim of
mueh-abused confidence He rarely II
ever was given an honest hearing And
If he vcre>he was dead sure to get an
other some times when he least wanted
to hear it. Now is he honestly to blame
for making his own decision in every
thing unadvisedl
On the other hand. suppose John has
known the joy Of a mothers under
standing Doubtless every one OF
Johns young women friends would BE-
as familiar to his mother as are the
young men friends Of Mary Ard rs
q wise mother who looks 10 her sons
feminine acquaintanees. The day Of
-r.atir,c. The ..iId "a. r.-irL o. . 80