davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17

HOW IT HAPPENED You should try to look on the bright side of life. my friend" said the man who gives gratuitous advice to strangers T tried that.s replied the melancholy Individual, "and it cost me my job" Impossible"
 Easiest thing you ever heard about. was night watchman, pullin' down my little s76 q month regular. Then I took fool notion I'd like to sec what was goin' on in the daytime. lost . lot of sleep, took . nap when I was SUD- posed to be awake. an durned spotter came along"
 STILL SORE
 "And the Jury actualyl deliberated three hours before acquitting the fair de- fendanty'
 Yes"
 Strange. Even the judge was im- pressed by her beauty" "And so were all the 1urymen but one. That particular fellow was once mulcted $50000 in 8 breach of promise suit The sight of pretty woman on the witness stand makes him as mad as hornet, and I suspect he tied up the jury out of sheer cussedness." PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES

, MAN WANTS BUT LITTLE HERD BELOW. l do not ask for jewels rare, Nor gold would I control only ask that I may own A simple ton of coal
 Boston Transcript, Fame holds no place in my day dreams, For wealth do not beg, But would like to have once more A nice fried chicken leg.
 Macon Telegraph. do not care for costly gauds, Nor wealth on land or sea; The mercury at ninety-four Would greatly comfort me.
 Birmingham Age-Herald Let others work with might and main For gold stacked up in kegs; I know l shall be glad again With ham served with TWO eggs.
 Youngstown Telegram. The time, alas, may never bA When every day is Sunday; But I'll survive if I don't see Another Garfield Monday
 Springfield Union. I would not have palace fine, do not want a car, But would wish to have for mine A cabbage-less cigar.
 Chi Gamble in Peoria Journal.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17

TELEPHONE Hell (private exchange connecting lell departments) Main z9O0.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17
WORDS TO rTIp coNrRARY.

WORDS TO THE CONTRARY.
 My dear sir.'' said the kindly old gen. tleman in mortified tones, what good does 1t do you to apply such profane lan- guage to your automobile7''
 "A whole lot of good" answered the man who was flat on his back under a stalled machine. I'm trying to unsay a great many things slick salesman said about this car when he sold it to me"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17

come g-rown-upI
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-17

"Ahemi That's different"
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

along and eying the portal obviously. This kept up several minutes and
finally the guard thought it time to interfere. He approached the suspect
"What do you want around hereT' he asked after the sadeyed person
had halted, as directed, swaHng slightly.
"Wanna go on in house, but the oil woman ih waitn," fororny replied
the Suspect"
"Thats Uncle Sans house, my friend" replied the sentry seeing he
had a "shw" and not a spy.
"sh my house." insisted the with the merry mucrage" "Cn tell
it by front gate"
1t took ten minutes to persuade him that he was wrong.
There is a famous bridge near Washington where several months ago a
man leaped down ito his death. 1t is closely guarded, for it carries a big water
main. Not long after the tragic occurrence, a night wanderer on the bridge
came near losing his liberty when q guard saw him stop and commence search
Ing carefully IN the sidewalk.
"Whaddye want, a good place to jump from o to put a bumT" quered the
man n uniform.
81 want my fountain pen 1 dropped; got a matchT was the answer.
The pen was found soon, but remembering tales of explosive pens dis
covered in abandoned German trenches, the guard nearly wrecked the ink
spiler before satisfied it was not full Of 7. N. T.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Eskimos Lunar Myth.

An Eskimo myth relates that "when
a girl was at a party someone told his
love for her by shaking her shoulders
after the manner of the country. She
could not see who it was in the dark
hut; she smeared her hand with SCOT,
and when he came back she blackened
his cheek with her hand. When a light
was brought she saw that 1t was her
brother and fled. He ran after her and
followed her, but as she came to the
end Of the earth she sprang out into
the sky. Then she became the sun and
he the moon, and this is why the moon
is always chasing the sun through the
heavens, and why the noon is some
times dark as he turns his blackened
cheek toward the earth"
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

its own automobile delivery system at
all the camps where its libraries have
been completed, and daily deliveries
are made to all of these branches"
and stations.
The men are allowed to take books
ont of the library and keep them from
a week to two weeks. There is no
penalty attached to overtime retention
of a book. In fact, penalties are not
necessary, for the men appreciate the
books so thoroughly that they are as
sisting the camp librarians in every
possible manner.
Sending Books to France.
With its system of camp librarians
well organized, the American Library
Association War Service is gradually
developing its overseas service. By es-
tablishing a dispatch station 1t has be-
gun a systematic distribution of books
to soldiers and sailors on overseas
duty. From the dispatch Office books
are being sent to naval vessels Of all
classes and are being placed aboard
uiHS uuLoB'lIS LOA Al SOANACAS ~
of the trenches.
The Y. NJ. c. A. has arranged to put
on transports book cases holding about
125 volumes each. Books for these
cases are being supplied by the A. L. A.
which later will supply the cases also.
These collections will be used as cir
culating libraries on the voyage and
will be emptied at the port of debarka-
ton in France, returning to America
to be reflled. The work of distributing
the books in France will be done by the
|chaplains, the Y. NJ. c. A, the Knights
of Columbus, the Red Cross and the
Y. w. c. A, The A. L. A. will not at
tempt to set up libraries in France.
DR.. NJ. L. Raney, librarian of Johns
Hopkins university, has gone to France
as representative of the A. L. A. His
main responsibility will be to make
certain that the books arriving in
France get into the hands of the men,
The A. L. A. War Service wishes also
to arrange with the war department to
add to the flow of books to France by
1 having every soldier that goes across
| carry a book with him, a book that he
and his companions will read on the
way over and then hand to the Y. NJ. @.
A. representatives upon his arrival, to
be sent to other soldiers.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

Burton e. Stevenson, the author,
who is camp librarian at Camp Sher-
man, o., says that the first three re-
quests that came to him We're, first,
for a book on the valuation Of public
utilities; second, for a book on con-
servatiOn of national resources, and,
third, for q Roumanian dictionary. He
supplied the first two and later fur
nished the Roumanian dictionary.
A young soldier walked into Mr..
S~tevensOn's office and asked for a book
on motors. Mr.. Stevenson found one
which looked highly technical. The
young soldiers turned over the leaves
and handed it back.
"Shucks," he said, 81 drew the pic
lures for this book. l want something
more advanced"
Mr.. Stevenson promptly sent for a
more advanced book.
Public Libraries Help.
A system of borrowing books from
public libraries all over the country
has proven a great aid to the camp
librarians and they have been making
the most of this privilege. All the IL
braries are doing their bit toward max
ing the leisure hours of the soldiers
happy by lending the camps what they
need.
The camp librarians have found out
that an extremely high percentage of
the soldiers want to study. Most Of
them are ambitious to rise and are TAX
ing advantage of the opportunities Of
fered them by the American Library
association TO read serious books. Be-
cause of the demand for serious litera-
ture the association has determined
to spend most of the money it has for
serious books and to look to the public
to donate fiction and light literature.
In the neal future it will launch al in
tensive campaign for gift books. Judg-
ing from the freedom with which the
public has given books so far the asso-
citation has no misgivings as to the
outcome of its campaign.
The reason the campaign has not
been made before is that the associa-
ton wanted to perfect Its organization
and arrange for the prompt handling
of the great flood of books 1t is ex-
pecting. So far the standard of books
donated has been high. Few persons
have shown an inclination to rid their
library shelves of useless volumes at
the expense of the soldiers and sailors.
On the contrary, the best books have
been given. Occasionally undesirable
books are sent 1t, but they are prompt
ly thrown away by the librarian. In
fact, those who might be inclined to
send such books may as well save the
energy 1t would take to dispatch them.
They will never reach the soldiers.
Before It's camp library buildings
were completed the association dis
tributed its books through the chap
lains of the Y. NJ. G. A, the Knights of
Columbus, the Red Cross and other
organizations, which gladly volun-
teered to handle them. These organi-
cations are still assisting in camp dis
tribution by receiving books at their
stations. The A. l.. A. has established
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

belong to what is called the Aetheria
Nilotica, and traces of ~this~species are
found all over Egypt, but above the
present level of the Nile. Their ex-
istence in such places has greatly help
ed scientists in determining previous
courses of the river.
The Nile oyster has some interest
ing comrades in the Nile crab and the
lanistes, a sort of snail, which differs
from the ordinary snail in that it has
its spiral wound in the reverse direc-
ton, 1t remains to be seen whether
this oyster is of an edible nature.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Chap Liquid Sugar

The sugar shortage has encouraged
Louisiana planters to broaden the use
of pure cane strip, which is made from
cane juice, without taking out any Of
its sugar. This juice is boiled to a
point Just below that required to crys-
talize it into sugar, and a be used
not only for griddle cakes and candy
making, but it is recommended by the
planters as a sweetening for coffee and
tea. 1t is practically sugar in a liquid
form, and ON a basis of eight cents a
pound retail for graduated sugar will
Yield economies of 40 to so per cent,
at a price of four and one-half to five
cents a pound for strip.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

the direction and persuasion Of Mrs. Hoover, IS enthusiastic ovr producing
delicious meals with the least possible outlay of wheat meat sugar and fats
as the strtctest "EIooverue" could wish.
Almost every day is meatess day with the Hoovers, poultry, sea food DIT
occasionally game replacing the beef OF. other meats that may be shipped
the family perhaps once a week, generally less frequently there is a roast for
dinner and what is left over Ec carefully utilized in some form for luncheon the
next day. Sometimes a chop is provided at that meal for the tenyarold
SON who Is recovering from a recent illness. Meat is never bought fr soups,
which are made from vegetables or the parts of poultry not served-the wing
tips, feet, neck and gizzard.
Not only are Tuesdays and Saturdays porkless days, but the other FIVE
days Of the week a well, despite the confessed fondness Of the food admin
#isrator for his breakfast bacon. Pork, either a ham, bacon, sausage, lard
or in other FORMS never enters the big red brick house on Massachusetts ave-
nue where the Hoovers are domicled. For cooking various vegetable oils
or other substitutes are used for lard and butter
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

5-Dont acquire the saving habit to such an extent that you go HON
with your pockets full of paper clips every night. Just because you writ
shorthand, don't think you have got to be lightfngered.
eff you feel that you must whistle during office hours, please whist
something German, S 10 that the rest of the office will have an excuse for drI
ping a typewriter on your head.
Amy person or persons having q s q part of their lunch Imburg
cheese will kindly adjourn to the roof until the ordeal is over. There is
strong reason for this.
S-f you feel that you must take home a typewriter 10Y and then, pea
leave the desk. w cn get nw typewriters, but desks are hard to get.
pJust because they ar using a lot of ammunition in Europe, don't thin
that you have to powder your hose every ten minutes.
10-Make the world safe for democracy; stop throwing milk bottles OF
of the windows.
11-As Abraham Lincoln said in his famous Gettysburg speech:
Eight Hours a day for the man who works,
Seven hours a day for the government clerks"
12-Save a loaf a week. Just because you have a crust don't say 70
can loaf around this office, even if you are well bred. Don't come in hI
with a bun on, either.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Good for Some Love Letters.

A letter written with a solution Of
iodide of starch in water is perfectly
legible for a few days. 1t is not, prop
erly speaking, in the invisible" cate
gory-at all events, for q while. But
writing thus made has the advantage
that after a week or two it fades out
and vanishes forever, leaving no evil
dence that can be used against Its
author.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

human beings. But not on duty. But
II you can chum up with the chap in
khaki at an opportune time, you may
be told some funny things-all about
strange providers seen on the midnight
trick, understanding contrivances
discovered under culverts, officers
whose identity is mistaken and other
things.
A few nights since a half-frozen
sentry before the side gate of a big
military establishment here beheld u
solitary and STOPPING figure creeping
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

some of the unnecessary conversation.
2-Conserve shoe leather by re-
naming at your desk; remember you
are supposed to be a stenographer, not
q floorwalker.
3-If you're hungry, go out and
get something to eat; don't hang
around chewing the rag.
I've have wheatless and meat
less days; let's have feetless days.
Keep your feet on the floor, not on
your desk.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Fine Paint Made From Tar.

The Revue de Chime Industrielle
notes that a brilliant black paint which
dries well and is far superior TO min
eral varnlsh may be made by mixing
equal parts of coal tar with benzine or
coal oil. Spread thinly with a hard
brush, II penetrates the wood. which 1t
preserves from decay.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
GREAT OYSTERS ON THE NILE
Discovery Made by Engineers Is at
Present Chiefly Of Interest to
the Scientist.

Government engineers constructing
a bridge from Boulac to Ghezirch,
while boring for the erection of the
piers, came across the remains OF an
old building, on which We're found
clinging n large number of oysters of
a giant species. Some of them have
most perfect mother-of-pearl. They
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

CITCIts OF WIS
one of the first converts to the conser-
walton Of food, and one Of the most
ardent. A prominent Washington
woman remarked oon after the
Hoover household was established in
the national capital:
you needn't tell me the Hoovers
save food. I know the cook, and she
couldn't be induced to economize."
Nevertheless, after a time of sor-
row and of stress of wounded profess
sional pride the cook became under
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

uer, anu lnlS woman, 100, set Il nOI
pace in the direction of the afternoon
promenade.
When a woman suddenly yells out
on a crowded thorOughfare, "Oh,
there's my darling boy" you sort O.
get interested in the darling one.
When the two women got to F
street they stepped across the side
walk to the curb. There was an au.
tomobile standing there, with a young
man and a dog on the front seat.
The woman in search of her dar-
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

ling boy threw her arms around the neck of the dog and said: "oh, you
darling thing! You're the pretHest dog in town" The woman had a good
eye for dogs.
"What kind of a dog is hep" asked the woman.
The chauffeur winked at the dog and replied calmly:
Mexican fish hound"
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

This discovery of pe%arl-bearing oys-
tiers is interesting In view of the ex-
periments of the Soudan government
In the Red sea.
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09

, the dull hours
of American soldiers and
sailors, whether they be at
training camps, on warcraft,
on transports or back of the
trenches in France, the
American Library Associa-
ton War Service has turned
loose q stream of books
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
WASHINGTON 81
SIDELIGHTS q
Washington Sentries Have Many Amusing Encounters

WAsHNGToN-Contrar to general belief, the senries guarding Wash
w ingons military establishments bridges and public buildings are not
They can and do saunter, talk, laugh and otherwise act like
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Mrs. Hoover's Cook Becomes an Ardent Hooyerizer

I N ALL the land no housewife follows more closely the rulings of the United
L States food administration than does Mrs. Herbert G. Hoover wife of the
food administration. The Hoover cook, who has a wide reputaton in most
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
New Rules for Stenographers in One War Office

me office of the war department doesn't believe in instructions savoing
~ of red tape. So regulations have been evolved for stenographers. Greatly
increased efficiency is expected to result. Here are the rules to be followed:
The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, 1918-03-09
Her Darling Boy Was Only a Mexican Fish Hound

&C H, THERE'S my darling boy" Fairly yelping these words, a woman
thoroughfare as fast as her feet would carry her. She had a companion with
Arizona republican., 1918-02-10
INNOCENT INVEST IGATION At
CAPITOL OPENS UP BIC VISTA

in the ruInors and why there was delay
in the issuing of the permit.
There the trouble started. The mem
bers OF the commission did not relish
the insinuation of the runor, stated by
Mr.. Hogan, to be in existence, to the
effect that anyone had influence with
them, and an inquiry was at once in
itiated which lasted nearly all day,
Robert 5. Fisher, an attorney. was
present to represent Mr. Hogan, while
Benton Dick was there in the same ca
pacity for Weldon irwin, who was the
person, the rumor is alleged to have
stated, whom it was necessary first to
see" before the Home Oil company
could get a permit.
The fireworks soon started between
Irwin and Fisher and with all rules
evidently suspended, alleged family
history was spread on the. record with
apparent abandon. The personnel of
the other oil company also was scored
by Attorney Fisher who said he got his
information from 4 California oil man.
All in all, it was a remarkable hear
ing The most disguised one Of them
all was Reporter Phillipowski who had
to take it all down.
But the affair is not to end there.
IF there have been any Irregularities
of any member of the staff of the
corporation commission said Chair
man f. A. Jones of the commission,
bringing a halt to ii all, we should
know them without delay. Therefore. |
believe we should make an investiga-
ton OF the investment department
from the inception of the law creating
it to the present time and to clean
house. There have been rumors for
several years connecting different
members of the commission, and it
doesn't set well with me to have the
president of this company harbor any
opinion that outsiders have influence
with this commission.
Therefore, we are going to hold this
matter open for further investigation
and if we wish to hear from any of you
in regard to this you will be notified =
Arizona republican., 1918-02-10

schemes is but a fitting tribute to
he war conditions now prevailing, and
he brave men engaged in fighting for
democracy. Navy blues predominant
III other colors, in about 75c5 of the
otal.
Suit STYLES have received military
titles quite in keeping with the spirit
If the times; for instance, we have
The Aviation THE John Pershing."
The Rookie" and THE Sammie," all
in the nature Of "Pastime" clothes. The
material predominating in these suits
is wool jersey. the colors being Quaker
Grey, Turquoise, Pershing Blue, Rookie.
Heather Mixtures and White. and
Dame Fashion also DEGREES that her
votaries shall wear unlined suits, of
Jersey.
Waist STYLES have the tendency to be
less deliberately trimmed, and are more
inclined to quiet and modest contours.
The materials most worn will be
Georgette Crepe, Crepe de Chine,
French and domestic Voiles. and the
colorings coincide with the neutral
Arizona republican., 1918-02-10
THURSDAY WILL
De GREAT DAY
THRIFT DRIVE

When the big drive for the sale of
thrift stamps is begun on Thrift Day
Thursday, February IA, the sinking Of
The Tuscania viii be made to stand
out prominently. Remember the Tus-
'ania' is the slogan adopted by The
committee of IIIks in charge OF the
arrangements for the state wide ob-
scrvancc Of the day. 1t is believed
hat like the older slogan. Remember
the Maine" it will result i'm an out
1urst Of interest in the great war work
hat is bound to bring success to the
efforts of those directing the big
campaign.
In Phoenix the entire day will be
given over TO the celebration of the
occasion. In the morning there will
1e o big parade, followed by addresses
by lack l.. Cobb OF Texas and Special
Food Administrator Representative
Cullen at the Central school grounds.
In the afternoon hundreds of citizens
win engage in the work Of selling
stamps throughout the city. And in
.he evening there will be another
parade and fireworks.
In the parade in the morning, which
starts shortly after 10 o'clock from
Seventh avenue and Washington
street, there viii be several hundred
students from the Indian school, from
the city schools, the Boy Scouts. fra
,crnal organizations various labor
unions and the Phoenix Trades Coun-
cil Col. Rynning and members of the
Phoenix police reserves, Fire Chief
Wright and city firemcn, and fire
fighting apparatus, A. Y. Thompson.
ri ,fl a. Il,
cOntngents of Chinese and Japanese
sitizens, colored men of Phoenix, Span
sh-American citizens and between
twenty five and thirty beautifully
decorated floats. The Indian school
and Pioneer bands viii furnish music
for the occasion. \ feature will be q
PhocniN-made reproduction of the
British tanks.
Scores OF business mon have already
enlisted for the work. In addition a
committee Of women has also been
formed, consisting of Mrs. Selim
Nicholson, general chairman; Mrs.
Chester Dana Reed and Mrs. II. Il
Beauchamp, assistants; Miss Henrietta
Olney Mrs. C.. T. AinsWorth and Mrs.
John Dunlap.
This committee has been asked to
individually secure the services of
Olher women. IL was reported last
evening that each had agreed to secure
tWeHty other workers and that in not
one instance had member Of the
committee met with refusal from those
asked TO assist, They will establish
booths downtown in the hotels and on
the streets and sell stamps throughout
the day.
AT the Friday evening meeting of
the Knights Of Pythias all members of
the Pythian lodge. together with all
members Of the Dokeys, were directed
join in participation in the big
parade in the morning All members,
uniformed as far as possible, are di-
rected to meet at the X. of p hall at
10 o'clock on the morning Of the
parade. Visiting members are also
Tged to be present This order was