Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-07-31

sold man Shakespeare / think it was
VINO broke iEto the Best Sellers with
he trite remark that happy is he who
knows his detractions"N Now don't hop
70 the conclusion that this is going
70 be highbrow thesis just because
20 COP an armfIll Of Bill Shakespeare q
dope because ] will admit that as
ample OF English of purest ray Serene,
s9ne Of these fables are q step back oil
Tom Carlyle.
But like to give Shake a place in
the calcium rays occasionally for he
unearthed q few axioms that ak up
pretty high For Instance that little
gem that ne who steals my purse
steals trash" I'll bet horse that Bill
had Just returned from q furlougn
when he pulled that one, for he surely
hit the tack on the snoot II you don't
believe it. just touch me for my wallet
some evening, and if 1t doesn't prove
he axiom you win.
Ny idea Of tho end Perfect Pay
would be Two thin dimes and Jitney
o ciiuk against each other the day
before pay day. The noise those three
coins would make would sound like
Pittsburgh steel min in a country
village, and would have a boiler shop
sounding like convention fQuak-
ers.
But to back pedal to our opening
shot about the fellow that knows HE
own detraetiens. The idea / grab off
IN giving it tho here and there is
that the lad who knows how heavy to
bet on two pairs is the dude that
doesn't nave to use nice fresh sugar
barrel lor an oyercoat v ,en the game
IS oyer. Or in more classic lore, don't
think you're the whole ocean because
there's wave In you hair"
II certainly is size IL double e
pity that more OF US can't hitch UP
to Bits philOs ply. Take sone OF
these actor lads You'll find a come
dian VINO is direct product Of Bra
I'll. which as you know is where the
nuts come from. As a hokumcomedy
artist, he has tho world by the short
hair His slapstiok Way Down East
comedy gets over with crash and
IL he only had the brains OF one cyiin-
der grasshopper he would irnLt we his
stuff, but no, he has to bust into the
heavy drama aTlG an a Hamlet he does
rot need the last three letters. for he
certainly overloads the pork market
every night at s.15 p. m
Another instance that always ticklss
me is to see q ballplayer horn into
the vaudeville class All through sea-
son he has the outnelders losing weight
chasing flies. His batting average
looks like the days receipts on & holi-
day and eyerytime he steps up to the
nlato. the pitcher Charts framing an
allbi, Two lack wallops are Dis for
him ana the end of the season sees
the owner slipping him q check that
ts. very obese Now If he had read
ghapespeare's dope. he would havn conc
back TO the farm after the Worlds
aofies were over but instead Of thar
no signs for is weeks on Keitls cir
ciit and proceeds to show that as an
actor he is q good bah player.
One particular case that always
ina t44I - - q
chuekla Is when | think OF the time
Chet Flynn proposed to Marsie Me-
Glue.
wal he was 10 years old cyhet
could recite the Wreck OK the Hes-
perus" so realistically that you got
stasislt listening TO the wild, Wild
waves oar. Doting friends predicted
that some day the multitudes would
hear him, although whether they mean,
as Senate or train caller they
didn't say, AT an rate the fact re-
NAMED that Chef was knows as the
Silver Tongued Boy Orator Of the
eth Ward. AZ IL years Of age he won
4 ten punk prize for writing q letter
describing tho wonderful gHstroaegnie
quaiities Of Adalssons Appetite Exhii-
arator.
on his way UP through grade and
high school he was O shark on the I'm
ISL stuff BY the tine he graduated
from college he had Noah Webfters
we'll known dictionary hlushing for its
deplorable lack of words and as for a
command Of the King English, he
W s the best bit Of the Adelphie De-
batting Club. Ibsen was his fAverite
light fiction writer and from a Ktands
Ing start he could deliver an address
that made Burkes Consultation fade
into innoelous duesetude.
Give the kid credit, he was clever
and we agreed with him that he never
was stuck for words. Get that last |
line as this is where the thick plot /
tens.
One night Chef went TO one OF these
RSVP affairs and somebody introdue- |
ed him to a creation in skirts, beside |
whom Cleopatra looked like the wen |
known mud fence on a wet Thursday |
morning. Howie. Right near the per- |
icardium IL where Flynn got hit and |
Dan Cupid packed an awful wallop that |
night.
The next day saw Chef starting an |
account at the sugar shop for the |
pest thing eneased in chocolate and /
only chap that called at Margies house |
ortener than CAet. was the milkman, |
and he won by a close margin.
Chet used 10. wise as up as to how /
he stood in the matter and usually /
sPoutea a line OF 800 that had hearts, +
flowers. and matFimony sprinkie4 |
through 1t as thick az the currants in I
those old fashioned puddings Mother /
used to make before Mr. Hoover got /
on the jon
Finally he decided that he couldn't |
eat his breakfast without her aud I
said he would declare his Intentions. |
aud for about three weeks he almost
9ptained his Imagination thinking ub
some super -saccharine phrases = ne +
had ever uneorked the line on the
girl, she would have swooned but
right here is where the ShaRespeare's
dope proves Itself
On The night OF the dirty work, Flynn |