davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Couldn't Have Worrled MUCH.

Before he died at the age of ninety
six years, the Oldest member of the
British parliament said that he had
no secret formula for the prolongation
of life, except it might be thats he
never bothered about his health, he
smoked and he ate and drank what
pleased him most. It's quite evident
that he was an honorary member Of
the Don't Worry club.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
FOR Postal Gard User.

According to decisions Of the post-
once department, anything written or
printed on the address side Of a gov
ernUent postal card, except the adj
mess ttself, that is, anything In the
nature ct q message on the address
side. renders the card unavailable.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
An oft-roId Tale.

"What's going on here?"
"Some of Dubwaite's facetious
friends are hold little celebration"
"a birthday party7'
"In a way. They are commemorat.
Ing the anniversary Of Dubwaite's "a.
vorite anecdote."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Mo Real Difficulty.

s A man who insists on paying the
dill for the whole crowd can usually
have his way if he is persistent. -St.
Louis Globe-Democrat.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
When She Liked Il.

Patience-Do you like that woman's
voice?
Patrlce-well, there's something
about 1t I like.
What is it, do you think?"
when she stops using It,"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Sight Not to Be Forgotten.

0tgTfI INVt 20 DC rsVIyVesSrt'
When one is fortunate enough to see
q line of swans etched upon the sky
near sunset, a mile or more high, as
has been my luck but twice in my life.
one has seen something he will not
soon forget.-John Burroughs.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
No Need to Listen.

u suppose it is a great deprivation
to your deaf friend not to be able to
go to the theater."
"Oh, she can go to moving pictures
and grand opera"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Elnbarrzssina Predicament.

s,. Embarrassing Predicament.
do you know of anything more tire.
some than listening to some other, fell,
low make love to girl over the tele
phone?"
ooh, yes" replied Mr.. Dubson.
"Name IT."
/ :"Being at the other end Of the line
and trying to look unconcernea while
waiting for the girl to ring off and give
you few kind words.''s
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Couldn't Understand IL,

"When l was n lad I was never
naughty like you"
"What was the matter with you, paA
Delicate or somethin'?'
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14

"Going home through dark side
street last night I saw man setting
fire to his own property"
IAN incendiary? What did you
do?'
Nothing. He was merely lighting
his cigar
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Any; klno Would DO.

'sIfcan trace my. descent in direct
line from one of the early kings Of
England, she said.
(Which one?p he asked.
Il don't recall the name. What
kings did England have2"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Overheard at News. stand.

I First joke Say, we've got regular
tenderfoot with us in this weeks is
sue. Never been in print before.
Second Joke Gracious me! The
editor must have had bad night
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Quick Worker.

: sold Mr.. Glithering hadn't been
dead two weeks before smooth tomb
stone agent appeared on the scene"
"And did he console the sorrowing
widow while selling her tombstone2"
II presume SO. he married her"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
zone NAV.

"So this is Sagebrush? don't see
how man makes living in such a
desolate place.
well. there's politics everywhere.
my friend"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Para6oxicsi.

Said the observing cuss: "When a
fellows mind is preoccupied he al
ways wears a vacant stare."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
THE How Rider

He burns up gasoline with glee,
His time and purse bestowing,
And no spot ever seems to be
The place where he was going.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
The aa.,,tls,,l an.

30 beautiful she seemed to me,
wished we might be wed, III
Her neck was Just like ivoryl 4
Alas! So was her head).
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
No Other Reason.

I'm going to Zizzyille tomorrow"
'It's dull place. Why on earth do
you want to go there?'
''Tve got pass"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Daily Thought.

Man is created free, and is free,
eTcn though Sorn IN Claims ohillcr.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14

Il see your girl has a beau.''
eyes, and don't know just how
to handle the mutt. Shall I be friend
ly with him and lose my dignity, or
should l hold myself aloof and be CON
sidered an old grouch2"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
claroymen In War vVnrk

cIsroymen In War Work.
London Four hundred and thirty
aeven clergymen Of the London (Eng.
'and) diocese have done or are doing
s6ttOdal work.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
The eetter w.v.

The Better Way.
Some men take life hard, like Atlas
with the world on his shoulders
"WellY'
"Others remind me Of the debonair
performer who stands on a globe and
trundles 1t in any direction he likes"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
sly. ecarr,j

"Why does Bin visit the doctor SO
oftenY'
Hes trying to invent set of symp-
toms requiring alcoholic treatment"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Too Serious.

In case Of assault by husband on
his wife, the injured woman was re-
sluctant to prosecute.
"Tll lave him to God. yer honor" she
said.
"Oh. dear, no." said the judge. cts
far too serious matter for that"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Private Impression.

He printed kiss upon her lips,
But he was on vacation,
And SO the kiss he printed there
Was not for publication.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1918-11-14
Some Try II.

WHATS the use Of cussing 80 cOnt1n.
uously?"
THE darned auto won't co.
"Well. You can't run 1t BY lung pow.
err"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
SYNOPSIS.

CHAPTER I-Fired by the news Of the
sinking of the Lusitania by a German
submarine, Arthur Guy Empey, an Amert-
can. leaves his office in Jersey City and
goes to England where he enlists in the
British army.
CHAPTER U-After a period of train
Ing. Empey volunteers for immediate serv-
ice and soon finds himself In rest billets
somewhere in France" where he first
makes the acquaintance of the ever-pres-
ent "cooties."
church services at the front while a Ger
man Fokker circles over the congregation.
CHAPTER Iv-Empey's command goes
into the front-line trenches and 10 under
fire for the first time.
CHAPTER v-Empey learns to adopt
the motto OF the British Tommy, IF you
are going to get it. your get 1t, SO never
worry"
CHAPTER vI-Back in rest billets. EN-
pey gets his first experience as a mess
orderly.
CHAPTER vII-Empey learns how the
British soldiers are fed.
CHAPTER vIII-Back in the front-line
trench. Empey sees his first friend OF the
trenches "go West"
CHAPTER K-Empey makes his first
visit to a dugout in Suicide Ditch"
CHAPTER x-Empey learns what con-
stitutes a days work" in the front-hpe
trench.
CHAPTER xI-Empey goes ''over the
top" Tor the nrst JIne IN q chdrse 1ho
German trenches and is wound by a
bayonet thrust.
CHAPTER xII-Empey joins the sui
eide club" as the bombing squad Is called.
CHAPTER xIII-Each Tommy gets an
ofhcia: bath.
CHAPTER xIv-Empey helps dig an
advanced trench under German hre.
CHAPTER xV-On listening post" In
No Mans Land.
CHAPTER xVI-Two artillerymen put
one over" on Old Pepper, their reglmental
~mman
CHAPTER XVII-Empey has narrow es-
cape while on patrol duty in No Mans
Land.
CHAPTER XVIII-Back in rest billets
Empey writes and stages a farce comedy.
CHAPTER xIx-Soldiers have many
ways to amuse themselves while "on their
own"
CHAPTER xx-Empey volunteers for
machine gun service and goes back into
the front-line trenches.
CHAPTER xXI-Empey again goes
"over the top" in a charge which cost his
company II killed and 81 wounded.
CHAPTER XxII-Trick with a machine
gun silences one bothersome Fritz.
CHAPTER XxIII-German attack, pre-
coded by gas wave, is repulsed.
CHAPTER XXIv-Empey is forced to
take part in an execution as a member
OF the firing squad.
CHAPTER xXv-British prepare for
the Big Push-the battle Of the Somme.
CHAPTER XxVI-In a trench raid
preceding the Big Push, Enpey Is des-
p~erately wounded and lies unconscious In
No Mans Land for IS hours.
CHAPTER XXVII-After four months
In a British hospital, Empey is discharged
as physically unfit for further war serV-
ice"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
WANTED SAME KIND OF BOND
coiored Man Was Satisfied That He
Could Afford II, II the other
Fellow Could.

In many instances prisoners, against
whom there is little evidence, or who
are thought to be honorable enough to
return for trial If they are permitted
to go to their homes If released with
out bond, are permitted to go on their
w recognizance. In political YER
nacular they go on their 20. R."
A short time ago several colored men
were arrested charged with assault
and battery. All had engaged In a
free-for-all fight and two Of the men
had received several knife wounds.
One man, however, told the judge that
he arrived on the scene, just as the
police came, to see what the excite
ment was about, and, being mistaken
for one of the fighters, was taken to
police headquarters with the other
men.
When the case was called in police
court, it was continued for a few
days, and after hearing the story the
judge told this man that he would let
him out on his 20. r." after he had
promised to return ON the day of the
trial.
One of the other prisoners was so
impressed with the easy ann in
which his friend got out of Jail that
he asked for an opportunity to speak,
and then said: "Jedge, yer honor, l
sure would like to get out. l don't
know what kind of a bond this %. r.
is, but l know this, that If that boy
can afford it, so can i, and I am will
ing to put one up"
The speaker was one of the prime
movers in the fight, and the judge de-
cided that his bond would be $500.
which was more than he could pro-
cure, so he remained in jail.-Indian-
apolis News.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27

English Women Baking Own Bread.
In an article called voluntary Ra-
tioning" in Woman's Home Compan-
ion, a writer says:
Bakers are forbidden to deliver
bread before 1t is twelve hours old.
This, in itself, has helped the saving
of wheat very materially, as people
do not fancy stale bread. And the
housewife, In her own home baking,
has learned this valuable lesson also.
She puts her freshly baked bread
away TO stale for II or "a hours. For
many years English bakers bread has
been so good and so cheap that it
has formed a large part of the daily
MENU. But government regulation
bakers bread is, for the mos part,
so unpalatable that women have be-
come home bakers. They mix the
standard flour with other meals and
produce a bread which is far more
palatable, at less expense, and still
comes within the rations. The supply
of flour being so limited, pastries and
cakes have become rarities in stores
and restaurants, and Injuries in
homes"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27

in rest billets. digging roads, drilling,
and other fatigues, and then back into
the front-line trench.
Nothing happened that night, but the
next afternoon l found out that a
bomber is general utility mar in a Sec
ton.
About five o'clock in the afternoon
our lieutenant came down the trench
and stopping in front of a bunch of us
on the fire step, with a broad grin on
his face, asked:
"Who is going to volunteer for listen
ing post tonight? l need two men,"
1t is needless TO say NJ one volun-
tcered, because it is anything but a
euShy job. / began to feel uncomfort-
able as | knew ii was getting around
for my turn. Sure enough, with another
grin, he said:
"Empey, you and Wheeler are due,
0 come down into my dugout for in
structions at six O'clock"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
BUILDERS TO USE TREENAILS
How Framework Of Ships Under Con-
struction for Uncle Sam Will
Be Held Together.

The framework of the wooden shins
which are now being built for the
United States Emergency corporation
will not be held by even a single metal
nail. They will be pinned together
with %treenails cut from the trunks of
live oak or yellow locust trees.
There are two or three causes for
the use of wooden nails. One is the
great need of iron and steel in other
lines of war activity where wood
could not be used, and another is that
the wooden pin is lighter than a metal
n and less expensive.
Each ships hull will require 100000
of the treenails. and they will be
fastened in place by splitting each
end and driving in a white oak wedge.
Each ship will require 100000 wedges.
1t is said that the wooden pins are
more quickly put in place than are
metal ones.
Treenails are "a inches long, an
inch and a quarter in diameter and
perfectly round. They are used to
fasten the planks to the boat frames
Soon after a vessel is launched the
pins swell to a snug fit in the frame
work.
Timber for the ships m from
the sawmills In 60-foot slabs IA inches
through, and is then worked into the
different sizes for the framework and
siding.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
WELL TO KNOW WHAT TO SKIP
ing-Man Who Waited Many
Years to Finish Book.

Reading should be a joy, not a
penance," said Mr.. Pett Ridge, at the
Mansion house, after distributing
prizes and certificates to pupils of the
city of London college.
"Above ALL" he added, according to
the Daily Chronicle, "learn to skip.
Skipping is an exercise which pre-
vents obesity of the mind"
Mr.. PETIT Ridge told some amusing
stories.
"In a military hospital" he said, "a
man asked me whether l could get him
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the
Sea- He said, L began 1t 20 years
ago. l borrowed 1t from another man.
Somebody pinched it from me when |
was half way through it, and I've
never had a chance of getting to the
end of it, I found the book for him.
He said, I'm very glad to have it. |
began it 20 years ago 1 said. Yes.
but you've read a large number of
books since then, haven't your The
man replied, oh, no; 1 never tried
another"
Another story was of the agent of a
pill and ointment firm who was sent
into a foreign country. AS a first step
toward business he compiled a long
list of complaints, beginning with
Asthma" and ending with "Zymotic
diseases" His goods, he said, would
cure these ailments, and then. as a
sort of postscript. he added: "If there
should be any complaints existing In
this country which are unknown In
England, the pills and ointment will
cure them also"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
Abolition Of Titles.

One of the recent news items from
P%etrograd is that 'all class titles, priv
ileges and distinctions" have been
abolished, so that it may be surmised
that conditions in Russia are the same
as those wittily described in the old
French story. NJ. de Saint Cyr
having applied for a passport. 10 the
days of the French Revolution, is
asked his name.
"What is your name?"
M. de Saint Cyr."
There are no more Monsieurs."
very we'll De Saint Cyr."
''There are no more De's."
"Good. Saint Cyr, then"
There are no longer any Saints"
"Then l am simply Cyr."
"No. for there are no slres; kings
are abolished"
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
Domestic Wood for Walking Sticks

The United Kingdom has long taken
the lead in the manufacture of walk
ing sticks, and a large proportion Of
the output was made of raw material
grown in the British isles, such as
ash, chestnut, oak and similar woods.
The importation Of finished sticks has
always been small, but before the war
a considerable amount of raw or
partly finished material was imported,
such as malacca canes, ebony, wang
hees, roof bamboo, nilgherri. etc.
Cherry sticks and what is known as
Congo" wood were formerly imported
from Germany and Austria, where
they are grown. For a time after the
outbreak of the war the stocks on
hand, both here and in neutral coun-
tries, met the demand, but gradually
the trade has become more depend
ent upon homegrown goods, and CON
s%equently a greatly increased demand
for domestic ray material has arisen.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
HISTORIC T0LLGATE is GONE
End Of Landmark In the Shenandoah
Valley Recalls an Interesting
Civil War Story.

The razing Of the Hillman tollgate
house takes away a historic landmark
In the lower Shenandoah valley. 1t
was constructed In 1910. before there
were railroads In this section, and IL
was a part Of the t~hOrOughfare from
Tennessee to Alexandria, Va, and
often 20 to 30 wagons could be seen
In a line making the trip to and from
the boats at Alexandria.
The first toll was collected at gate
No. 1 by Simeon Hillman, and he ron
tinued to collect toll until his death
In 1860. From 1860 to 1862 the gate
was kept by his widow, Charlotte Hill
map, when, on account of war condi-
lions, the gate was abandoned until
1865. The house was struck by a
she'll just before the Battle of Kerns-
town.
IL was at this gate that Charlotte
Hillman held up General Sheridan and
his staff. The general paid the regular
toll for himself and his staff followed
his example.
But" said the general as he passed
through, 81 cannot vouch for my
army"
When the soldiers came up Mrs. Hill
man raised the pole. but stood at her
post all day long and kept tally and
after the war she sent the bill to
Washington and 1t was promptly paid.
General Sheridan passed through
this gate again on his famous ride from
Winchester. Gen. Stonewall Jackson,
In his valley campaign, frequently
passed through 1t, always paying toll.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
Small Patriots Rebuke.
CTo BE Contiuuedl

The other day l answered a knock
at the door and encountered a small
boy, who Immediately tried to sell me
a choice assortment of knitting nee
dies.
But, sonny, 1 don't knit" said L,
thinking to close the matter.
He looked at me reproachfully for a
moment and then: Lady. aren't you
going to do anything for your coun-
tryT"-Chicago Tribune.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
Wood. 90 Cents a Cord.

Hark, yet city jewellers who pay
'steen dollars a stick for wood for th'
ireplacel
An auditor of the state board of &C
counts, returning from Brown county
reports they burn wood in the court
house stoves down there-oak wood
which makes lots of heat and burns
long. They burn wood in the face o.
the fact that coal Is close at hand ant
low In price-for they buy the wood a
90 cents a cord. delivered at the court
house-Indianapolis News
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
GIassmaklna Old Industry.

Glassmaking in Venice is of remote
antiquity. BY a law of November s,
1901, the authorities of Venice, to avoid
the risk of fire, ordered the glassmak-
ing industry to be transferred TO the
adjacent island OF Murano. Ever since
Murano has been the most important
center for handmade glass and glass
bead manufacture In the world.
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
Winnemucca Is Years Ago Today
From The Daily Silver State

f. J Button showed u ONE small pieces Of gold yesterday which
he took from a placer discovery made recently in Grass Valley. about @
80 miles south of Wnnemucca. One pan showed nine colors m a a
small nugget worth about 40 cents. Frank is confident that he has a O
big thing and naturally would not disclose the exact location of tn q
find He says. however, that it is in a canyon where there is plenty of .
watert to work the ground. .
Assemblyman Hoppin arrived from Willow Creek yesterday .
The Humboldt Guard boys are outdofng themselves to make hair .
grand uniform ball the social success Of the season. Q
o Q O 0 o o 0 o o o o
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27
CHAPTER XIV.
Listeninn Post.

1t was six in the morning when we
allowed to sleep until noon; that is,
If we wanted to go without our break
fast. For sixteen days we remained
The silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1909-1925, 1918-04-27

Tears, idle tears" murmured Flub-
dub.
THAT can't possibly allude TO profit
eers," declared Wombat - Louis
vile Courier7Journal
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-10-01
ANNOUNCEMENTS

There will be a meeting of the smoke fund committee this morning at Il o'clock at the Tutwiler hotel
 There will be a meeting of the School Improvement association of the Robin son school at East Lake this afternoon at 2:S0 o'clock
 There will be a meeting of the manag- CTS of the Goodwill center this morning at 10 o'clock at the public library.
 The Cambrian society will meet this morning at Il o'clock at the home of Mrs. J. T. Shaddick.
 The Eleanor Hord club will meet this afternoon at 2:30 o'clock at the Wood lawn library.
 There will be a meeting of the Gen- eral Sunpter chapter of the daughters of the American Revolution tomorrow afternoon at o'clock with Mrs. Joseph R Estes, 2200 Fourteenth avenue, south. The regular monthly meeting of the comforts forwarding committee of Chris tian Scientists will be held this after noon at 3 o'clock at their work room fourth floor Oster Bros. furniture store.