The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1918-03-14
DOROTMY DIX TALKS
By DOROTHY DIX
Worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer.
The Mother-in-Law

in-law problem and none SO full of
trouble.
And like the poor, it is always with
US. Among the hundreds of letters
that 1 get, in which people tell me of
their woes and ask for some panacea
for the ills of life, fully half deal with
this vexed question of the relationship
of in-laws.
II could be so happy if it were not
for my mother-in-law who lives with
me and makes my life a torment to
me-" My wife's mother lives with us
and creates constant friction by in
terfering in our family affairs. My
daughter-in-law makes me utterly
miserable by the lack of respect she
shows me- So run these letters.
They are piteous human documents
because they show so much happiness
needlessly ruined; so much sunshine
darkened without excuse, SO many
homes made places of strife and bit
terness, instead of Ravens of peace
hourly clash of antagonistic tempera-
ments, forced into too close contact.
One could weep over these letters
and one could rage against the folly
that never learns anything from the
! experience of others When will peo-
pie ever realize that human nature
never changes, and that miracles have
ceased to happen?
When will they learn that no house
was ever yet built big enough for two
families to live together in 1t IN peace
and happiness and that you cannot
put two women under the same roof
without having them give continuous
understudy of the conduct or Kill
kenny Cats?
Enter the mother-in-law into
house by the door, and domestic con-
cord flies out of the window. we
have all seen this happen hundreds OF
times Statistics show that the
mother-in-law is first aid to divorce.
In the domestic relations court they
will tell you that the mother-in-law is
at the bottom of practically all the
squabbles they are called upon to set
tie between husbands and wives. Yet,
in spite of all this, rash men and
women keep on introducing the
mother-in-law into the famlly circle:
They might as we'll put a charge of
dynamite under their hearthstones,
for in the great majority of cases
mother-in-law gets in her work and
never rests until she blows things to
smithereenS.
she didn't intend to do it or that she
is dear, sweet, pious, Christian
woman who really loved and desired
the happiness of those to whom she
has done as deadly harm as NANCE
itself could invent.
er-in-law is woman and human,
with all of the human woman's mar
rowness, jealousy, and selfishness
about her child. That makes it inn
possible for her to look at any mat
ter fairly, squarely and justly where
her sor or daughter is concerned
Also mother-in-law is growing old,
she has all of the egotism. prejudices
and tyranny of age. She is no long
er flexible. She can no longer adapt
herself to new ways, new customs,
new points of view. She is not sup
pie and nimble enough mentally to
bow to the ways of others, or to
sidestep another's ideas. All she can
do is to charge at them head down.
like a bull butting into a china shop.
None of which is conducive to
diplomatic understanding, or maxi
ing Ter persona grata in the house
of an in-law.
1t is natural but unfortunate, that
| a mother seldom realizes that her
mar,ied children belong more to
their husbands and wives than they
do to her, and that their duties are
more to their husbands and wives
than to her.
To mother her children are al
ways her children, and she feels that
she has perfect right to boss them
and their homes, no matter how this
! interferes with the pleasures and
habits of her sons-in-law and daugh-
ters-in-law. Also mother has a diff
ferent code of conduct for the way
her children should treat those they
marry and the way those they marry
should treat her children.
Mother feels, for. instance, that it
| is perfectly outra geous for Johns
wife to blow in Johns hard earned
money on fine clothes, trips and
| alnusements, because John is her son
and Johns wife is a mere daughter
| in-law.
But she thinks Tom is a close listed
| brute if he doesn't indulge Sally in
fine clothes, automobiles and trips,
| if Sally is her daughter and Tom
merC Son-in-law.
| Likewise, in any family scrap that
takes place she backs her own to a
finish and can never see that the
| party of the other part has the slight
est justice on his or her side.
| The worst feature of the mother
| in-law problem is that the old lady
| can never remember that she is a
| guest en- sufferance in anothers
| house and that it is up to her to pay
| for her board by making herself
agreeable.
To save her life she can't keep her
| finger out of the pie, She can't keep
from interfering, or offering unsolic-
| tied advice. If she is a prohibition
| list she reads son-in-law a homily ev-
cry time he takes a glass of beer. If
| she objects to smoking she goes sniff
| ing around the house, and drives him
to the back steps with his cigaret.
| If she is a thrifty housekeeper she
nags daughter-in-law to death about
using the best china every day. If
she objects to cards she sulks when
ever daughter-in-law plays bridge.
Everything that daughter-in-law does
she has to do in the face of mother
| in-law's criticism and "reminiscences of
the way she used to do it.
This is inevitable The woman who
| has run her own house for thirty or
! forty, years gets as arbitrary as the
captain of ship, and she simply can't
stand by and see a younger officer in
command. Especially when it's her
sons ship, bought with his good
money, to which she feels she has a