New-York tribune., 1918-03-26
Shoes and Ships
And Sealing Wax

Well, anyway, the Kaiser is getting
| further and further from home; and
the schedule of his return trip won't
be arranged to suit his convenience.
He was new to the transport SER
vice and fresh from the Naval Train
ing School. Accordingly, when they
placed him on lookout for the first
time, with grisly admonitions concern
ing the possible results of lack of
vigilance, periscopcs jutted from every
wave top and reefs appeared in every
hollow.
Presently fog started to close in
on the ship, and our hero began to
sec even stranger things in the gray
wall OF mist that cncircled him.
Land ho!" he squawked.
"Wherc?" shouted a skeptical officer
Cali around the horizon!" proclaimed
the lookout, triumphantly.
Young men, beware how you allow
whskered strangers to kiss you Take
to heart the case Of Matthias Michitch,
of l89 Throop Avenue, Brooklyn, who
suffered himself to be saluted in true
Russian fashion by man he had never
seen before and later discovered that
his wallet and the $40O it contained
were missing.
Paterson, N. j., has its traffic prob
lens as we'll as New York. After
much debate Police Chief William f.
Perry has announced that, if the world
is TO be kept safe for pedestrians,
kiddie cars, pushmobiles and similar
vehicles Of one youngster power must
be ruled off the main streets of the
town.
Good morning, Mr.. Shonts; we've
found a use for your subway!
Spring brought us a cold that has
made our eyes feel like hard d-boiled
eggs and has turned our brain into
quicksilver, so that it stopped about
every time We nodded. Yesterday the
strain of keeping our legs uncrossed
and watching for women to be cour-
tecus to so told upon us that we rested
our head against the side Of car
window and made our discovery.
Your cars make excellent vibrators,
Mr. Shonts, and by the time we reached
Brooklyn Bridge our headache had left
us and our gratitude is so great that
we'll pay you 6 cents q trip whenever
you ask for it.
The shock which Mrs Fannie Harri-
son. a negress, Of Paterson, N. j., re-
ceived when the undertaken called at
| her home and said that he had been
! told to come and bury her was still
visible when she appeared as q witness
in Special Sessions there yesterday in
support of Mrs. Bently l. Randolph's
action to recover $l1.40 from John Bo-
CERT.
Mrs. Randolph said that Bogert and
another man Informed her that Mrs.
Harrison was dead and borrowed $3.50
ment. The rest Of the $11.40, she said,
was spent in telephone calls and pre-
liminary arrangements for the funeral
of the unwilling Mrs. Harrison. Bo-
I CERT professed that he had only shown
the other man to meeting of the
! Colored Sisterhood of the Methodist
Episcopal Church and that he had had
no share of the $3.50 that the stranger
| borrowed from Mrs. Randolph there.
He was discharged.
A brigade adjutant-his home is in
New York and he used to be bond
salesman-was walking through a front
line trench in France the other day
when he saw written on the chin strap
of an infantryman's shapnel helmet
the inscription, at E. a." That meant
just one thing to the brigade adjutant
that here was somebody from home
"What do you do at II East Forty
! fourth Street? Live there?" asked the
officer, 81 used to live two blocks from
there myself"
Excuse me, lieutenant" replied the
"doughboy," II am from Washington.
What made you think I lived some
place else?
"Isn't that number on your chin
strap your home address," asked the
lieutenant, puzzled.
ooh, that! That isn't an address,"
said the soldier grinning, chat simply
denotes my regiment, my company let
ter and my number"