davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Luke McLuke Says

What has become of the old-fash- toned man who used to walk around the world on a wager?
 The reason why a man is willing to admit that his wife is the Better Half is because he knows that she is the Whole Thing
 A man gets to do all the talking during the engagement because the woman knows that her turn to do the talking will come later on.
 When you look at some of the couples that face the marriage altar you wonder why the male end of the sketch isn't wearing the veil.
 A fever is a funny thing. It makes T fellow hot-headed and at the same time gives him cold feet
 young man is apt to regard mar 'iage as as joke. And later on he discovers that the joke is on him.
 When a man brags that he is slow put sure, the fact of the matter is hat the only thing he is sure of is hat he is slow.
 Drldg6 mas 10 nave enVelOpe combinations of Crepe de Chine that ,ost about nine fifty. But few years later she is glad to get plain nion suits of Scrap de Cotton that cost about fifty-nine.
 Who started this flat-chested fad, anyway? The idea seems to be to bind the upper portion of the torso and attain a masculine effect. But { is a mistake, girls, it is all mis- .ake A man wants to marry wo nan, not a bed slat.
 No matter how sick fat woman has been, she forgets all of her juffering when she discovers that she has fallen off so much that she loesn't have to wear an out size n union suits any more.
 We do not know much. But we io know that the best way to get rid of an affinity is to marry her.
 Any old time man claims that he was driven to drink you can bet that it was party named Thirst
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
A $32,0O0,O00 CROP.
{ Tacoma Ledger.)

It is estimated that the crops of the Yakima val ley this year will be worth $32 100000. If he is still living, should send the information to Fred Reed, the sver-tongued boomer of the valley during the '90s Some of his fairyland descriptions in those days made the valley settlers blush but the marvellous development of recent years shows that Reed a good deal of a piker after all and had conception of the wealth that lay hidden in the soil.
 All observers agree that the crops will be much heavier this year than in 1917 and that they will be the greatest ill the history of the valley Reports gathered throughout the valley indicate that the fruit crop will be enormous, being estimated at 14,305 carloads, about 1000 than last year A great acreage of orchards into bearing this year and the value of the apple crop is esti- mated at $12,000. 000 The farmers reported to have plantde every foot of spare ground and there T. 900 of soil made available for cul- tiyaon by government projects. It is believed that prices will be high if not higher, than last year and the reward to the growers will make up for good many lean years.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
SULZER'S VICTORY.
(EairhankS Citizen.O

Fairbanks Citizen)
 The overwhelming defeat handed to William Ma loney in yesterdays primaries by the present Dele gate should be sufficient answer to the would-be detractors MT. Suzer, mainly boot-lickng polite ians of the opposition party. The Democrats of Alas are satisfied with the leadership of MT. Sulzer and have indicated by their ballots.
 In this Division the fight for the Democratic nom inaton did create much interest since there was never any chance for MT. Maloney showing for place. Even had the members of the party fighting Suzer voted in the Democratic primaries for Maloney the result would still have been unchanged
 The Fourth Division vote may well stand as a rebuke those politicians who would seek to frame up deal pervert political parties to their own petty ens of spite and other personal grev ances The attempted combination raw as to attract attention from the most casual, and the solid support received by MT Sulzer should serve a reminder against future attempted combines.
 An anlysis of the returns, as yet incomplete ap- parently shows that Alaskans of all classes not unmindfu the excellent showing made by the Del egate in his present term In the reports received, almost without exception Sulzers percentage of the greater than in the regular election in 1916. The vote convinces the Democrats that they have chosen wisely in awarding him the nomination and that it is at all unreasonable to look forward the fall elections with confidence in the final re- turns
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
who handled the reins.

who handled the reins.
 The time he turns in has lot to do with the way a young man turns out.
 When we see the Everything organizations protesting because our boys in France are permitted to have cigarettes and tobacco sent to them from this country, we are glad that we are broad-minded enough to be rummy.
 The poorest men we ever knew were those who relied on luck for assistance.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

$100 at once. Kindly send check, and oblige, your loving son, Barney. P. S.-After writing this letter was stricken with remorse and ran after the mail man to try and get the letter back as l am ashamed to ask you for any more money. But the mail man had gone. l pray that the letter will not reach you Barney"
 Two days later Barney received this reply to his letter:
 Dear Barney: Your prayers were answered. The letter did not reach me-Your Father"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
LOYAL TO HOME TOWN.
ValdeZ Miner.)

INaIUeZ MIneTJ
 AlaskaDs may curse their town and their mis- fortune for being compelled to live in it. but let stranger join the anvil chorus and he is well come mouth an icecream social. Every Alaskan is intensely loyal to the town he resides in, matted what he may say to fellow towns man. This is observed many times of late when a Cordovan, a Naldezan and Sewardte get together in quiet corner to discuss matters in general. The Cordova man is certain that Cordov is the haven of hope for the downtrodden and weary. The Se- ward man sings the praises of his home under the eternal hills and damns Anchorage while the Val dezan is equally positive that the Almighty made the rest of Alaska as suburb to the glacier. And some mighty interesting facts are presented by all of to back up their arguments To bring out ones loy- alty talk to stranger
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

the Lithunians The German conception of the rights of the victor are keeny understood just in Roumania.
 No fruits mcte for repentance have grown in Ger many in four years, and not until the Kaiser knows that he cannot win by force will there be hope that his peace proposals contain under their fair words the substance of good faith.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Safety First

This safety-first stuff is some thing new, isn't it?" asked the Young Fellow.
 Nav" replied the old-timer. ''It is old stuff. Why, back in 1872 l knew a Massachusetts man who built his own coffin and lined it with as bestos"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
MercXl

There was a Corn Fed in Duquesna, Who liked to walk round in the resne. She would hoist up her skirt Most as high as her-shoe, And the men would yell, Do it
 agesnei"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Our Joe Miller Contest

Judge Leuders claims that the old est joke is the one about the wealthy Irish contractor who had Wild son in college. The boy was aiways ih trouble and always writing for mon ey. One day the. Irishman received the following letter from his son:
 Dear Dad: I'm in hole and need
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
The Difference

The Difference
 What is the difference between the old-time prize fights and the ring contests of today?" asked the Young Sport.
 Well" replied the Old Sport, ''in the old days the fighters skinned their knuckles, but nowadays the fighters skin the spectators"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Paw Knows Everything

1 Willie-Paw, what is over conf dence?
 Paw-Neglecting to cut the cards, my son.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
No Joke

"A paint brush and man, 'tis true, Are much alike said MT. Fare; For, the more work they have to do, The sooner they will lose their
 hair"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Helpful Health Hints

A healthy male adult should have 40, ,000 hairs on his head. Count 'em carefully, and if you are any shy, go sec a doctor.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
The Wise Fool

"A burnt child dreads the fire" quoted the Sage.
 "Yes," commented the Fool, "but grown-up hasn't that much sense. He will go back and burnt again.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Oh!

All doctors should be patient men,
 They know that this is true; For, if they lose their patience, then They'll lose their patients too.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Oh, Jov!

Oh, Joy! I often sit and meditS From the scurvy trick of fS That keeps me stil a cellibS Oh, cruel F2. I want a 10der maid sed8 To love me and be my ms, My love for her will be so grS, I cannot wS. Oh, FS, be9, bed , Is, Relieve my awful single stS, And when I've this made sedS, We'll osculS.
 -(B. O Our Joe Miller Contest
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

He that by the blow would thrive, He, himself, must hold or drive; He that would in this land live, He must either fight or give.
 -(G. w. Al
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

The name of Hindenburg is to be carved the lintels of one of the German breweries. Why not all the slaughter houses Baltimore Sum-
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

The fact that there is surplus of potatoes this year is no indication that there will be next Its lesson is only that seed costs less this year than last and there should be potatoes planted
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

Perhaps, being sculptor, Borglum's object simply to chisel his in the hall of fame (n- dianapols News.)
 would think he would have taken into count the experiences of certain Senators. The Col onel Cen Wood and some of the other critics of the Administration before starting things.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Names Is Names

Mrs. Iva Barefoot lives at Monroe North Carolina.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Any Other Nominations?

o. Lord, of 1906 Marion Street, for Chaplain of the Club.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

Uncle Sam is reported making guns that will shoot IA miles Soon it may be possible for to stay at home and win the
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Will She Be a Front Porch, Too?

(Ad. in Erie (Pa) Exchange) FOR SALE-Fine young COW. Will be floor, private entrance, use of bath PIP Liberty.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

Foreign trade balances will be settled with sil- Louis be-Democrat)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

We wonder how long it will be before the Aus onto Mail and Empire)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

It begins to look as if the water shallower than Gutzoh oorglum thought when he took his dye-( Boston Gobe.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

Somebody who claims to know says that linden burg has tender heart. His death lists prove it. -(Detrot Free Press)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Bless Her Heart!

Just a moment, please, while we introduce Charity Ball, of Dorcas Ohio.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
BITS OF BY PLAY By Luke McLuke Copyright by Cincinnati
 Enquirer
Dumb Bird

Dumb Bird The early bird must be a bone, His dumbness makes me sigh; Why don't he let the worms alone, And go and get the fly?
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29

Every vacant town lot should become war gar
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Our Daily Special

A Silent Man Has Ho Make Few Apologies.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Yum, Yum!

We don't know much about othel towns in that State. But we know that you can always C. A. Pippin il Ozark, Alabama.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Duty Calls!

Our Joe Miller Contest
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-05-29
Miss Albrecht

OSTEOPATH Swedish Massage. Medical Gym nastics. Expert treatment given In all cases requiring massage, diet and mechanical therapeutics. Room BOA, Zynda Hotel, Juneau
 PHONE 123
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
Coming ST ! & to +,
Bismarck 'i!s =
|Djr.menejni'ltkin
q ia e ~ -
SPECIALIST
~ 4r #t j !,
For His Sixth Year in North Da-
kcta
H.. A& II SRI vi
DOES NOT USE SURGERY
;. Will be At .---
M'KENZ1E HOTEL
Wednesday and Thursday, May IL.
Office hours . a. m. to 4 p. IN.
Two wa Days 4 Only
No Charge for Examination

DR.. Mellenthin is a regular gradu.
ate in Medicine and Surgery and Is
licensed by the state Of North Da-
kota. He visits professionally the
more important towns and cities and
offers to all who call on this trip
consultation and examination free,
except the expense Of treatment when,
desired. .s 49,. g..
According to bis method of treat.
ment he does not operate for. chronic
appendicitis, gall stones. ulcers OF
stomach, tonsils or adenoids.
He has to his credit many wonder
full results in diseases of the stomach,
liver, bowels, blood, skin, nerves,
heart, kidney, bladder, bed,wetting,
catarrh, weak lungs. rheumatism,
sciatica, leg ulcers and rectal all.
mentS. ii. q, 81. T. ... ~
II. you have been ailing for any
length of time and do not get any
better, do not fail to- call. as improper
measures rather than disease are very
often the cause OF your long.standing
trouble. Il. 500 g. q w.
Remember above date, that exam
ination on this, trip will ebe free and
that his treatment is different. n5nr
= Address 1856 Boston, Block, Mime.
apolis, .Minn.-Advertisement, -. / .,..
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29

Like young Lochinvar, Louis Benni-
son, star of John COrts hilarious
gloom chaser, Johnny Get Your Gum
came out Of the west, but instead OF
carrying off lady fair, he carried off
the plaudits of delighted New ork
audiences all last season and who pro-
nounced the star genuine luminary
CT brilliant promise The impression
which Bennison made with his ingcn.
uous characterization of Johnny Wig
gins is still the talk of Manhattan.
johnny Get Yong Gun which
comes to the Auditorium tonight is not
a musical show. but riOtOus farce, "a
karat pure. crammed full of genuine
ly hilarious situations ind presented
by the same original company w-l'h
scored such tremendous hit last sea-
son.
Bennison appears in the role o:
Johnny Virgins, a stunt rider en-
ployed by a Los Angeles moving pic
ture concern. The prologue is lai,.
in the movie" studio and satirizes II:
humorous, good-natured way the
types so common in filmdom. Their
the action shifts to fashionable Long
Island home where Johnny goes tC
save THE sister Of his Old pal from
the clutches of a fortun-seeking Duke
The arrival Of Johnny with his ingen
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
ADVISE EARLY
RESERVATIONS
FOR S. S. MEET
Officials Of State Sunday School
Association Want to
Count Noses

The North Dakota Sunday School
association convention announced for
Grand Forks June, Al, will be the best
convention as yet held in our state,
says James c. Garrison, state super
intendent 49, Ia ''':'' "A tx
The program is2of very high or
der Not only will there be nine
mass sessions, but a. great School OF
Methods is being planned Of twelve
sessions and sixty periods. calculated
to give definite and direct help along
specialized lines. -iIt--.5 - @At
The city of Grand Forks is making
elaborate and complete arrangements
for the reception Of the convention
The local, committee of arrange
ments, under the craftsmanship of r.
e. Griffith, is divided into twelve
subcommittee. each with allotted
phases Of hospitality.
The graded lesson problems and
other Elementary questions will be
thoroughly presented by Mrs. Mary
Foster Bryner. How graded lessons
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
ANOTHER UNSOLVED >.-.. s.-,~...s
MYSTERY OF THE SEA
THE U. S. S. CYCLOPS

Ten years later, 1880, the British
training ship Atalanta, left Bermuda
with a crew of 200 men. 1t disap-
peared from the face Of the sea-an-
other unsolved mystery.
The most curious sea disaster was
that of the ship Marie Celeste, sailing
from, New York for Genoa, in 1872
Weeks later the ship was lowed into
the harbor at Gibraltar by British
barque. 1t was found drifting at sea,
unchanged but without sign Of life
on board. The crew and number of
passengers had utterly disappeared
leaving the ship apparently in the
midst Of meal. Cargo, papers and
valuables were untouched and no sign
of violence was discovered.
The fate of the crew was never
elarned. 8H S3 9sstyy5
In 1893 the British ship sNaronic,
Liverpool to New York, loss of life
unknown.
In 1909, the Waratah, British, sail-
ing from Port. Natal to Cape Town,
joined the fleet Of missing ships with
a crew and passenger list Of 800.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29

Where are they!
What happened?
Many a ship has sunk or burned at
sea, but only a few were swept from
the waters by fate unguessed by a
power unknown. They are forever
missing 49,,
Nine other ships besides the Cy-
clops, American collier, just reported
missing with 1913 men, have been lost
at sea without a trace" in recent
years.
In 1841, the President, an American
ship sailing from New York to Liver
pool, Joined the missing with crew
of 1856.
In 1854, the City of Glasgow, Brit
ish ship, Liverpool to Philadelphia,
disappeared with loss Of 4SO.
In 1856, the Pacific, American ship
Liverpool to New York, missing with
crew of 1856.
In 1857, the Tempest Nationality
not given lost with crew of $50.
In 1870, an American ship, the In
man lines City of Boston, sailed from
New York with a passenger list Of
117-and was. never heard from.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
HALL AND KOSlTZKY
y: TALK WEST OF RIVER

Secretary of State Thomas Hall anG
State Auditor Karl Kositzky are home
from the Pleasant Valley neighbor-
hood west Of the river where they adj
dressed a large and successful Red
CrOshs rally. These two state Off.
Gals have been doing considerable
team work in. connection with patriotic
rallies. and their services have been
much in demand az ..s..
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
FINE FOR RHEUMATISM ! S
Musterole Loosens Up Those
Stiff IOints-DriveS Out Pain

You'll know why thousands use Mus.
terole once you experience the glad re.
lief it gives. vs.
Get q jar at once from tie nearest
drug store. 1t is clean, white ointment,
made with the oil Of mustard. 4 Better
than a mustard plaster and does not
blister. Brings ease. and comfort while
it 10 being rubbed on!
MusterCle is recommended by many
doctors ard nurses. Millions Of jars are
used annually for bronchitis, Group stiff
neck, asthma, neuralgia, pleurisX rheu'
inatism, lu1nbago, pains. md aches Of the
back or jciata sprains, sore muscles.
bruises, chilblaina, frosted feet colds Of
the chest Git often prevents pneuIhoniaS.
soc and 60c jars; hospital size $50
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
THIRTY-HOUR, s;,.
R AIN PRIMES
. STATE. CROPS

Fargo. n. D., April 29-The thirty
hour rainfall over the state of North
Dakota ended early today with to;
tai precipitationA An this district of II
inches; according to record OF the
Nroorhead station of the United Etates
weather bureau. # .. i.,;a II :t,@
The rainfall at points from Fargo
TO Dickinson and lMinot ranged from
che to 1-2 inches -: -. r. IT,
There is, now plenty Of moisture, it
is said to carry the. crop far into
the early summer. 1900 ..:'5, ~.
E%ff ,|rJ4. I 3ts,.4 > * or s s;sss... T..
TOO LATE TO CLASSIFY
FOR SALE Sanitary 4. Bakery: ant
Cafe. win join. army. Write SAM
tary Bakery and Cafe, Bismarck, ~.
Oak. ,- 49,. ...,.,, i, 4s9t:
FOR SAEE-14 good laying hens,
coops and hens. Phone Sc2E~E, ',.
f.. =. 80 .I..::it e., '5; q ~.
l7CR SALE@-Household furniture,
Hoosier> Kitchen cabinet; rockers, :
VernistMartinsob edsp. dining room;
furniture, dressers, etc. Phone; S22I4
e ".'''5,'" t-F~s .ar,s 4i29,ltifi
FOR SALE OR TRADE-4New s 1T.
marble soda fountain, back bar, car.
bonator,r tables, "chairs, Stools; + syI-
up electric mixer etc. IL {, Complete
new outfit. Address Box SO Cleve.
/, land, N. D. 9. ~ H.. .-:ss 40 st
= ~ A.. Il
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29

April showers wash and clean old
Mother Earth Of Winter S germs and
impurities HOLSTERS Rocky Noun
tain Tea does the same thing for your
stomach. bowels, blood purifies,
cleans. you through and through, a
thorough Spring remedy, 35c. Tea or
Tablets. BreslOws s. .,...-
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
MILWAUKEE

cellent showing in the Western league
last year. NJ f
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29

ca1 lie used in schools large and
small will be fully discussed. The
problems OF the teen-age will also
be given special, attention with Dr..
Richard w. Bowden as the leader in
charge. Also adult class work will
he presented, in fact, every phase of
the modern church school and it's
problems will be discussed by those
we'll fitted to give definite assist
ancc to workers.
Each school should send as many
delegates as possible so as to gain
the greatest possible help from this
gathering. ',.
Delegates should make application
for credentials to the County .secre-
tary or to the state office at Fargo.
Programs can be had by application
to the North Dakota Sunday school
association, 10 A. o. U. W. Building,
Fargo, y. ID.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
$500 - -
ASK YOUR GROCER.

Ask your grocer for Driscoll cream.
cry butter Made in Burleigh County,
Before buying piano see NJ. J.
O'COnnor.-Adverti
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29
LOUIS BENNISON LIKE> YOUNG g., y I'd, !
LOCHlNVAR CAME OUT OF WEST

uous and rough.and-ready ways causes
CONSERVATION to the plotters. COmpn,
cations begin to pile up so fast ana
laugh follows laugh with such rapid
ity. that an audience is left gasping
for breath and wondering if the fun
is ever going to cease. Johnny's en-
counter with the duke and the means
to which he resorts in order to pre-
vent the Duke from clipping secretly
with the girl, can best be described as
a riot Of hilarity.' Johnny, however,
however succeeds in putting the Long
Island house in order,' thwarts the
Vaccinations of the Duke, to say moth.
ing of saving the girls fortune from
a crooked financier and then just to
finish off matters properly wins for
himself a charming young miss serv-
ing as a maid in the Long Island e..
ia Jlishment .r.
If anything is troubling you. wig
just see Johnny Get Your Gun and
forget about it. The splendid New
York cast Includes in addition to Mr..
Bennison. Lorraine Frost. Echlin Cay
CT. Theodore Llbcock, Louise Mackin-
'tosh. Vera Finley, Edith Lyle, Clyde
North, Roy Cochrane, Robt d. }Homan,
Aubrey Eeattie, Frank Hollins, Jane
Carlton ana others Of equal prom
irelcc. -.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-04-29

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