Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-07-06
The Woman Who Changed
By JANE PHELPS
WORKING IN SECRET
CHAPTER CXXIII.

1
l had one joy no one could taks
from me. In secret, behind my locked
door, 1 worked several hours each day
on the tiny garments l should need
for my baby. l did the most wonderful
embroidery, worked dainty patterns up
on the sheerest lawn, and linen, and
was happy as could be, doing it. But
when | laid it away and took up my
life with others, the thought of what
was coming, of what it meant to me
because of George, almost siekened me.
l suppose many who read will wonder
why accepted so utterly Julia Collins
speech about children; and why | should
have applied it so literally to George
! But Julia Collins had not only been held
up to me as a pattern, ever since had
been married; | knew positively that I
often had been neglected, left alone
while George spent his time with hes.
| knew that he considered her most
attractive, and very much worth while
That her opinion of men was based
upon her knowledge of my husband g
likes and dishkes, l took for granted.
Remember, l was still very young, my
environment very different from that
to which had been accustomed at home
my desire to be like those women whom
George admired intense; and then per-
haps you will the more readily under
stand how I felt.
thought of writing mother. Then |
knew she would worry about me-that
if wrote her honestly, telling her the
conditons-how l felt about things, and
the attitude l believed would be my
husband IS when he knew-it would
make her most unhappy. So l decided
to wait. Later, l would write end beg
her to come to me.
So | continued to carry my secret
alone. l never again refused to 60 out
with George when he asked me. I was
only too anxious to be with him when,
and while, ! could, xgaIll !
Helen heeps Her Vow.
l had not cried again. Not when
George was at home, or enough so that.
it could be noticed. Occasionally, when
l was sewing, a few tears would drop
upon my work; tears of self-pity that l
instead of happily telling thosed loved
how matters were with me, as Evelyn
Reeves had done, must hide it as long
as l could. 1 think 1 grew a bit morbid
over myself, and that made things har-
der to bear.
We were quite gay, and often l felt
unable to go so much-tobe
quite so constantly on the go. But never
since the night when, after my refusal
to go out with George, when he had
been SO annoyed with me, had objected
to anything he proposed-or that others
it seemed agreeable to
him.
l danced, / sang. l entertained, and
went everywhere. Then, one night, l
tainted. 1t was at a dinner dance at
Julia Collins. l felt ill before 1 went.
But l said nothing, though Celeste, who
[ knew, suspected my condition, urged
me to remain at home, telling me T
looked terribly i'll. But l refused and
after 1 was dressed, and more deftly
rouged than 1 usually was, L looked
almost as usual. Even George said moth
ing except to compliment me on my
dress-a lovely, misty tulle 1 had or
dered especially for the occasion. 4
They told me afterward that George
was dreadfully frightened when faint
ed-that he was as white as l was, and
that he insisted upon taking me home
the moment / recovered.
Helen Is Ill.
When we reached home, he at once
called Celeste and Annie to take care
of me, and wanted to call the doctor.
But l assured him l was all right and
he left me with them.
81 will be in the library. Call me if
you need me, he told the maids.
I urged them to put out the lights and
leave me as soon as l was in bed.
"Stop in the library and tell Mr..
Howard | am going right to sleep" J
told them. I did not wish to be ques-
toned. | was feeling faint and very
i'll, and feared l might be tempted to
confide in George.
After the maids left me, grew stead
lily worse; once or twice l felt as if I
were dying, slipping away, down, down
some terrible incline and that i could
not stop myself. | must have tainted
again. But when George came up T
was better, and told him so.
eve have been going it too hard, I"