Free trader-journal. (Ottawa, Ill.) 1916-1920, 1918-09-27
The Benevolent
Incendiary
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Il have invented the finest game"
began the girl who likes 10 talk. And
I'm the only person on earth playing
IT! You cant imagine how many spare
minutes it illumines and how much
destruction | wreak doing II.
When I'm in a house that | don't
Ike set my mind TO picking out all
the things | think don't belong, burn
'em up and returnish the place. | may
be beamng at my hostess in the most
approved fashion all the while and
she hasn't the slightest idea that on a
large and thriving bonfire | am piliIg
her sofa cushions. the dinky ormolu
table, several vases and most OF her
pictures and every last one OF her
table covers. When | 80 away she is
living in a perfectly proper sort Of
room-only she doesn't know it,
Il started on this destructive career
in the days when lived in the same
town with my grandmother. A friend
Of mine and myself often went there
together and We could scarcely wait
Till the front door had closed behind
us before We were at il.
Now, where shall We Begin Dora
would cry 1 move We burn the whole
place. Certainly the Swiss chalet that
your relatives copied because they
liked one they saw in Switzerland is
very much out of place on Dinsmore
street which is fiat as pancake and
has elm trees
NO | would interrupt. l can't
have grandfather and grandmother
thrown out that way, They may keep
their ridiculous chalet because they
are leadinf citizens and must be hui
mored-bu well burn up every last
thing insi01.'
THANK goodness" Dora woLld
gasp relievedly. l simply cannot en-
dure that carved rosewood parlor set
upholstered in yellow brocade. l
know that rosewood is worth It's
weight in gold, but not when it's
stuck all over with dreadful carvings
that can only be busted with the aid
Of y cold chsel and pneumatic gun,
Yes, the parlor set must go.
"'And the engrayings OF Washing
ton navigating the Delaware and the
group of petrifed human beings
signing something in Delsarte attl-
tudes'
"'And the Brussels rug with the
cabbage roses
And the dining room set in blond
oak altho the room is finished in ma
hogany, and the CUSTER
"'And all those dewdads in the
spare room embroidered in daisies
and the bathroom because the shower
ID built to drown person, not to be
used. really
And all those cabinets on the stair
landing filled with shells and pieces
Of rocks and china cats and dogs, and
Ill the tiedback lace curtains and
the
1.-The framed photographs of Cou.
sin Lucy and her nine Children and
the Dubbses in their wedding clothes
and
land the parrot | would interrupt
firmly OF course, I'll chloroform il
first because | am humane person,
but simply despise that moth.eaten
bird which only yels and shreks and
will not be induced to join in pleasant
afternoon tea conversation. No, Polly
goes on the bonfire
"'Well, it's just as we'll Dora would
agree Only we might give her to
somebody We hate, Shall We leave the
barn which they have no use for and
which looks as big as a grain elevator
pack of that chalet? Do chalet people
have barns anyhow? Don't they stable
their goats and things in the side OF
the mountain
Before we had settled this point
which was complicated by the fact
my grandparents owned no goat--we
were always at Dora's house and
had to 30 on before we had refurnish.
ed my grandparents home suitably,
thus leaving poor grandmother and
grandfather without one stick Of fur.
niture
And have kept up the practice.
Nothing so depresses my soul as to
enter a pretty little cottage affair
which looks as tho its inside was filled
with gay cretonnes and wicker and
painted furnishings and find that the
wretched owners have hearselike fur.
.niture big enough to At the Vatican
and gloomy enough for the tomb. And
hate like poison to enter a big, beau
tiful home with rooms just crying for
chaste Adam furniture and severe
walls and one painting to room and
md everything
Him" said the patient listener. 81
feel strangely uncomfortable! Just
which OF my possessions have vanish.
ed.ih smoke since You've Sat here?...