Evening star., 1918-03-31

"As our beloved Bard Of Avon once
said. and he might truly have added
that we poets constitute the pubilcity
end of the business, without which no
show would have the slightest chance
of getting across
"Eggsactly," said Pope. .Lemme ask
these warriors where Adams great
stunt of naming all the animals. or
Noah's wonderful achievement in pilot
ing that prehistoric zoo OF ms 1ron,
Sherntown to the top Of Ararat would
have been today if it hadn't been lot
Mosesc" -o,
wei. you never did anything foI foI
carved my place in history with my
Sure YOU did" retorted Homer;
TOO stingy to hire a press agent !
guess. You were like some OF these
Arctic explorers who get themselves
covering all dramatic and moving pic. pic
ture rights, and then dole themselves
out at seventeen dollars and eighty,
two cents word. l know the kiho
.sWelI. even at that" interposed
Shakespeare, I'D like to ask just where
Brother julius would be now II II
hadn't been for me? He'd have been an
a moving picture hero. that's where.
Who wrote Mark Anthonys speech over
your PROSTATE remains. julie? dio-
Who dragged you out of your sarcopha-
PhiIlipi with your spook, produced at
the piscatorial moment?
Psychological moment, Bill Wnis-
pered Milton.
Never mind" returned Shakespeare
in a low voice These soldiers aren
oyerstrong on entomology. Who did
that Julius?" he added in loud voice.
why, little Willie Shakespeare dld II.
that's who You were a side show, julie:
and 1 turned you into a parade ana
,,o,,
indeed" demanded Wordsworth,
where would hades have been if it
hadn't been for Dante and Virgil?
"or paradise but for me?" observed
Milton, thunderously.
..Or-er-or whatever, 1t was that
Byron wrote about if it hadn't been for
Byron" chuckled Napoleon, who al
ways enjoyed literary fracas yep
there's no two ways about it. IT 1t
hadn't been for the poets the world S
history could have been summed up in
those two noble. but disheartening
words of the early Assyrian. nothin'
doin'. Ulysses didn't do any oddysee-
ing at all He just stayed home at Kali
amazoi. and watched Penelope knitting
Sneoies, s.Iii.e t-ostte. ca = -.
i never got q look IN at w ateTiOO. w ny
why, Byron was on the job. Alexander
Pooh! He never did anything. He is
only great because some bard some
where in eighteen hundred and some
thing wrote poem asking:
'-1iow p!ss WAS Alexander, pa
and n thousand years from now 1t
will be the same. This war that is go
ing on upstairs will be reduced to a
mere bit of airy poetic persifiage from
the pen of a wandering minstrel named
Bernard Pshaw, and even then they
won't Iet<it go at that, because some
smart critic will rise up and prove con-
clusiveiy that Bernard Pshaw wasn't
Bernard Pshaw at all, but another man
whose real nanN was either Lydia
pinkbam, or William Waldorf Astor.
the evidence is not clear which. The
pity of it all is that in view of their
direct responsibility for all the epochal
things in history they aren't on the job
right now. settling the kaiser and his
gang for good and ALL Of course they
could do il"
"of course we could said Shakes
peare I'D settle it in a minute II all
: the warriors on both sides would step
aside and give me a chance"
."Sure!p sneered Napoleon. why not?
Aren't you a poet?"
Eyes, sir, in a minute" reiterated
Shakespeare. I'D put the whole Pots
dam outfit on submarine, and
BLOW ,em sky-high. I presume. said
Alexander.
.sGas 'em alive by reading Hamlet to
sem:n suggested Hannibal
sid shSlk espeare rising and