The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1918-11-25
Clown Prince Willie
Writes to the Kaiser

The dispatches say that the Crown
Prince is urging the Kaiser to send
more help and has written to great
headquarters of conditions on the
front where he recently started his
big drive. OF course, said man the
other day, we have not been furnish
ed with the exact text of his letters,
but he imagined they run something
like this:
On The Run Somewhere in France)
Dear Papa: am writing on the
run, as the brave and glorious soldi-
ers under my command have not seen
the Rhine for so long that they have
started back that way and of course
am going NIT dem.
Oh pap, dere has been some offel
fings happening here in France
First, l started in my big offensive
which was to crush the fool Ameri-
cans, but dey know so little about
military tactics dat dey will not be
crushed just like l want 'em.
l sent my mel in der fight in big
waves and when dey go to de Ameri-
cans dey all said Boo" as loud as
dey could holler.
Veil, according to yot yo half al
ways told me, de Americans should
hat turned and run like blazes. But
vot do you think?
Dem fool Americans don't know
anything about war and instead of
running de odder way, dey came
right toward US Some of dem was
singing something about I've Won't
come back till it's over, over dhere"
or some odder foolish song, and some
of dem latin like fools.
Dey ar ESQ ignorant But dey are
offel reckless nit here guns and ven
dey come toward us it was den dat
my men took a notion dey wanted to
go back to de dear old Rhine. We
don't like the little old dirty Marine
river anyhow, and oh, pap, dem
Americans use such offel language.
Dey know nothing of kultur and say
such offel dings right in front of us.
And dey talk of blasphemy, too. Vot
you tink dey said right in front of
my face?
One big husky from d place dey
call Missouri, he said, oh, pap, l hate
to tell you vot offel ting he said, ITO
hell NIT der Kaiser" Did you ever
hear anything SO offel? l didn't tink
anybody would say such an offel ting.
so 1 turned round and run init der
other boys.
Vas l right? Vot, and oh papa,
you know dem breastplates vot you
sent us-can you send some to put
on our backs? You know We are go
ing de odder way now and breast
plates are no good, for de boys, de
cowardly Americans are shooting us
right in der back.
Some of our boys took off der
breastplates and put 'em behind, but
de fool Americans are playing DE
Star-Spangled Tanner" nit machine
guns on dem plates. Can't you help
us?
You remember in your speech you
said nothing could stand before de
brave German soldiers? Oh, papa,
don't believe desc ignorant Ameri-
cans ever read your speech, for dey
run after US just like We was lot
of rabbits. Vot you tink of dat?
Can't you send dem some of your
speeches right away? Dey don't
know how terrible we are.
Can't you move my army back to
Belgium we're We Won all our glory?
My men can vip all de vimmin and
children vot dem Belgians can bring
up.
But desc Americans are so rough
and ignorant we can't make 'em un-
derstand dat We are de greatest SOL
diers on earth, aud ven We try to
sing Deutschland Uber Allies" they
laugh like a lot of monkeys.
But We are getting de best Of de
Americans. We can outrun dem. Pa
pa, if we are not de best fighters on
earth, we are de best runners. No
body can keep up nit us ven We tink
of der dear old Rhine, and my army
never did tink SO much of dat dear
old river. Let me know right away
vot to do by return post office.
CLOWN" PRINCE WILLIE.
(Reprinted from the Des Moines,
Iowa, Register.