The Glenwood post., 1918-03-16
Mr., SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT McBLAiR.

Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor during the
Civil War and had died bravely on the
field Of action. Mr.. Simpkins' throat
ached now for two reasons: First, he
reverenced and adored the memory of
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
60 to war himself. And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
ing gaze of Colonel Simpkins he saw,
In imagination, the khaki-clad lads Of
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles Of sea to
fight, maybe die, for liberty.
Mr.. simpkins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for salute.
But his gouty shoulder twinged, and he
groaned He couldn't even salute.
"Damnl" said Mr.. slmpkins, and
with his other hand flercely twirled his
white mustachios.
He turned and limped into the H.
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr. 4impkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to Just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
5ect Of taxes ever since he had discov-
cred that the more income a man has
the greater the percentage Of 1t he
pays In taxes. He could think of sew
sral men who, like himself. were mar.
ried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half Of his, they would pay only 4
small fraction Of the amount hs paid.
He gloomfly drew the blank nearer
and began filing in the information
that It asked for.
Az Mr. Simpkins' income was SO 900
hs had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each Of the successive smaller
classes Of incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the FIRST class who must
pay taxes, that 10. single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay per cent. (under
the 1915 lhw) on all income over
$4,000, deducting $500 for each Of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpklns' case this was s212. which he
put down In the payable column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law. married men pay an additional 2
per cent. on all over $2,OOO-with the
same allowance for children. This
added s252 to his payable" column.
He then observed that for every
$500 jump in his income over 5000
he had to pay a Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each Jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden.
And on top Of all this came an "Ex-
cess Profits" tax Of 8 per cent. on all
"occupat ton" income over $4,000. max
ing s72O more.
The total, then, he must pay was four
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Whewl" exclaimed Mr.. Simpkins
angrily. There's young Henry VIII
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $4,000 and he doesn't pay
cent of taxes. 1 guess this is his war
as we'll as miner
Thinking of young Henry wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs. Wilkins went
every afternoon to make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who
was a lawyer, was aiding the Local
Draft Board with Its questionnaires.
"Well," he admitted to himself,
"that makes a difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough.
by, whose income was about 5000.
"He only pays $2O." commented Mr..
Srmpkins not quite SO angrily this
time; and then thought struck him
and he sat up rigidly in his chair.
Judge Willoughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when 1t was
summarized with the loss of two hun
dred soldiers.
Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America" muttered Mr.. Simpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands,
For a long time Mr.. Simpkins sat
very still In that position. There was
no sound in the library except the
ticking of the tall clock and an occa-
sional trill of laughter from the chill
Aren skylarking upstairs. The square
Of light on the carpet gradually with.
drew itself through the window, and
first twilight and then darkness settled
in about the quiet, white haired. some
times irascible old man.
Mr.. slmpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
Of, he was thinking things that were
too sacred ever to be put into words.
But some inkling Of his thoughts may
be found In his rejoinder to Mrs.
Simpkins when that placid lady came
In and turned on the lights, and asked
him whether he was ready for dinner.
Judge Willoughby's only son was
worth az much as fourteen hundred