Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-02-02

SOME facetiOus individual signing
himself K. L. has sent a cOmmunica-
ton to this column quoting recent
utterance of the president in which
he said he would "sit tight" until the
war was won, and expressing surprise
at the same, stating that it had always
been his understanding that Mr.. Will
son was a total abstafner. A pretty
bum joke, say we.
CARTER Harrison, former mayor of
Chicago, has rendered his services to
the government in whatever capacity
it can best use him. Many would be
in favor Of the government requesting
him to become q candidate for the
mayoralty of his home city at the next
election to make certain that Bill
Thompson would not be returned to
his present berth. That would be
about the most patriotic service that
he could render his country and city.
THE German State bank of Chicago
has changed its name to the Cosmo-
politan State bank Gradually the
United States is becoming American
lied.
JOHN ]. Halpin, who served IL
months at Joliet for official c0rrup-
ton, is back in Chicago, where he
announces he is ready to begin all
over again from the bottom. That is
he intends to keep both feet on the
ground in his future travels; that he
is to start from the bottom, but not
deal from the bottom.
INTERNAL Revenue Commissioner
Roper, in holding that congressman
must pay the income tax, has ruled
that one carrying that title is neither
an officer or employee of the govern
ment. Well bite. What is he?
THERE are a lot of kids that will
regret that they do not reside in
Brooklyn. n. Y. The schools of that
city have been closed until spring.
HERE is the newest get rich quick
proposition. Find a railroad that is
not earning profit to suit owners and
buy it. You can get more for it as
junk than 1t is worth as a going
institution. That's what Chicagoan
has done with the Alton and Jackson
Vile. He will receive Juicy bargain
from the junk dealers over the price
that he paid the owners for the prop
erty. This is every mans war, it APP
pears.
IF you are in search of real thrills
you might be one of so young men
wanted to operate tanks over there.
There is an unusual opportunity for
promotion" says Major Allen, who is
recruiting the company. You are al
most certain to be sent up, so to
speak.
NEW York police officials have
/, found that there are number of
luxurious gambling establishments
known to be frequented by women,
/ located in fashionable residential sec
lions of the city. This is almost I'M
believable.
PREMIER Lenine of Russia is be-
coming the prize QUICKER of Europe.
He has again been picked for slaught-
er by the assassin. But the bullet
, never touched him.
I'VE need the help of all who love
our severely tested people," saws the
kaiser. Why, the old boy is growing
almost sweetly human. There is HELM
all about you. Will, if you will only
take the fierce twist out of your nous
taehe, remove the nails from your
hands and just act like any other nor
NAL individual.
WE'VE got to wake the farmers
up says Eugene Funk of Blooming
ton, speaking of their part in the war,
No you don't, brother. The farmer
doesn't even need an alarm clock like
the folks in the cities do. He's uu
with the crow OF the first rooster
every a. m.
SOME may read note of suspicion
In the announcement that a Peoria
bank porter, friendless and suppos-
eddy penniless, has Just died leaving a
fortune Of 100000. l.. P. wagers that
the directors of the bank ordered an
immediate checking up of the books.
A kENTUCKIAN whose downfall
was predicted a year agoNby a fortune
teller has hit the toboggan. He has
disappeared owing other people $780,.
600 This ought to send up the stock
OF the T. I.
]. NJ. C.