Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-29
THE STILL, SMALL VOICE
II the Kaiser Really Wanted to Win
Low difficult 1t is to come to any con-
AAclusion about Humanity!

AAclusion about Humanity!
We never can make up our mind
whether to love it or to leave 1t severely
alone.
If you get too friendly with the human
race 1t will certainly abuse your conf
dence; it will bum lunches from you and
take up all your time telling you its trou-
bles; it will call you up on the telephone
when you are writing poetry and take
away your box of matches from your desk
while you are out at lunch.
AND yet, on the other hand, how de-
A lightful is the human race! How full
Of humor, of innocent aspiration and
charm! How 1t laughs and cries and sings
all around us; how busy 1t is. how 1t en-
joys its meals! Really, 1t seems as though
we couldn't get along without 1t. 1t be-
hooves a man to devise some method Of
living with the human race. One who
makes himself persistently and effectually
disagreeable to it will sooner or later find
himself among the casualty lists,
AFTER all, it is laughter that makes
A the human race tolerable. 1t seems to
US a queer thing that no one ever tried to
conquer the world by making it laugh in.
stead Of killing it. Suppose the Kaiser had
modified all his enormous resources to
make the world laugh instead of trying to
terrorize it. Suppose he had entered Bel
GUM with a million reels of comic movies,
with a million volumes Of the most anus.
ing German books, with a hundred thou.
sand Of Germany's best clowns and funny
men. He could have given Belgium the
most entertaining month that she had ever
had and every other nation on earth would
have clamored to see the show. The laugh.
ter of Belgium would have resounded about
the world and we would all have envied
her. And the Belgians would have ex-
claimed that the Germans were far better
fellows than they had ever realized. In
every village square in Belgium the Kaiser
could have set up free side-shows, with
acrobats and moving pictures, to show the
Belgians that Germany was the %jolliest.
best-governed and most amusing land on
earth. All this would have cost far less
than an army Of a million men trampling
through Liege and Namur and Louvain
with fire and blood. 1t would have in
creased German business, and everybody
Ill belSluHu WOulu nave DeeH eager u go
and travel in Germany and spend good
Belgian money there.
WHY is it that everybody who wants to
w conquer anybody else always goes
about it in the one and only way that can
never work? The Kaiser could lave con-
quered France with a hundred thousand
sculptors and artists and musicians and
kind, friendly, after-dinner takers. He
could have laid France waste with laugh.
ter and appreciation of the beauties and
amenities Of German life. What Is it to
conquer a nation? Is it to increase ones
trade with that nation, to make that ma.
ton loyal and loving to It's invaders, to
persuade it's citizens to speak a new Ian.
guage, to fll 1t with such enthusiasm that
the little children shout with glee when
the conquerors pass down the street? All
this the Kaiser could have done to France.
Had he taken the Charley Chaplin of Ger
many and the Mary Pickford of Germany
and the Rupert Brooke of Germany and
the Joyce kilmer of Germany and sent
them across the frontier to ravage France
with laughter and clean sentiment and
honorable tears, and followed these with
a hundred thousand others, the best minds
Of Germany instead of the sharpest bayo-
nets, France would have lain at his feet.
| WHY, in Gods name. should the Kaiser
w fight for four years in order to eat
a dinner in Paris, drench the world in
blood and sorrow, when he could have
gone to Paris in a friendly way and had
that dinner for the asking? He wouldn't
even have had to pay for it!
THERE is only one way on earth to con-
L cuer people, and that is by being nicer
to them than they expect.
| THE world has had such a hard, sor-
L rowful time these last four years that
it seems to have forgotten the conquer
ing force of kindness. But some day there
will come along some sensible person who
will resolve to ravage and devastate the
earth with friendliness. He will gather
up ~hard-working little typists by the thou
sand. and Russian peasants by the mil
| lion, and irrepressible devil-raising Office
boys and suburban wives weary Of looking
after the baby and ~scrubwomen, and stoop-
shouldered bank clerks, and all the rest Of
those folk, and absolutely lick the stufing
out Of them by giving them a good laugh.
He will invade the waste places of the
earth and ~colopize them with laughter
and fun. And all we humble people who
find life very we'll worth while II it gives
us a good grin once a week will crowd
around him and say. I'm whipped! I give
in. I'll do whatever you say. . . Just
run that Chaplin fillum once more, won't
you?"
WHAT is it that happens when you
w make a man laugh? He is immeas.
urably purified and magnifcently weak.
ened. For an instant he is all spirit. He
is at your mercy, PROSTATE before you.