Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1918-07-17
.Featherin6
His Nest
~
By WILLIAM HAMILTON OSBORNE
OF The Vignonses


Hardshell Hopper is an unpatriotic
cynic. He admits he is, himself. It's
only recently he came into the lime
light. Old Hezekiah Hopper died q
year or so ago and left two million
dollars. He left half his fortune to his
nephew. another. young man Of the
name Of Latimer Cobb, and the other
half he left to his other nephew. Hard
shell Hopper. Hardshell is called that
because he's got that kind Of shell,
or so 1t would seem. The testatOr had
this money all nicely invested In good
paying five and six per cent securities.
For about year the young man
clipped their coupons and collected
their dividends. The war was in their,
midst, and young Latimer Cobb SUBJ
scribed to everything in sight, and got
his name in the papers and kept it.
there. He must have given up as
much as fifty thousand dollars out Of
his million, to the Liberty loan, the
Red Cross, the Red Triangle and other
things that came along
"But what really want to do" said
Latimer Cobb, lis to double or trebla
my money-then I'll give twenty-five
per cent of all I make to furthering
our interests in the war;"
He looked about him. He picked out
good likely looking munitions stock.
no. IN hn oA
war by munitions concerns he might
as we'll make some of it, then, as he
said, he would turn around and give
a lot of it to the war, and get his
name in the papers and keep it there,
right along. He was a patriot, he
knew he was patriot, and be kept
saying so. He was proud of 1t, In
fact. +~I
But Hardshell Hopper wasn't-he
admitted that he wasn't. A friend of
Hardshell's who was going around sell
ing Liberty bonds went to see Hard:
shell about buying some Of the bonds.
''Now. that's pity" groaned Hard,
shell Hopper, ''but fact is, Steve, just
this morning 1 invested my whole pile
in first-class, gilt-edged securities. T
amt got dollar left. Now, If you'd
been around here yesterday"
Next night Steve, his friend, came
around again. Steve shook him earn:
estly by the hand. "Why, Hardshell,' y
he cried, you're the biggest patriot in
this town. You've invested all your
money-a million or more in the Lib
erty loan. You're the biggest man
we've GOETHE foremost of our pa
triots."
Hardshell Hopper shook his head.
'Don't get off your trolley, Steve" he
said, II amt a patriot. Ny cousin,
Latimer Cobb-he's a patriot-every,
body says so. But I amt. Why, bless
you. man, I've only been feathering my
nest" :
you've put one million dollars into
this war;" said Steve.
I've tucked one million away
where its safe and sound" drawled
Hardshell Hopper, where I don't have
to worry about it. l got security
that won't be taxed, and that's as gilt
edged as they make 'em, backed by
about three hundred billion dollars
worth Of assets that's enough
for me. But don't you 60 calling me
names don't deserve. I amt no pa
triot. I'm only featherlng my nest.
If yous want patriot you 60 to my
cousin, Latimer. He's the boy for
you"
Steve went around to see Hardshelrs
cousin, Latimer.
AT any rate" he said to Latimer, Il
can sell some bonds to you"
Latimer glowed with patriotism.
"Steve," he said, u promise you you'll
be the boy I'll buy 'em of. And I'm
going to buy a lot. But just now 1
haven't got dollar to my name. I've
plunged on some munitions stock
/ there's been flurry-it's gone down
on me, and can't get out without
most tremendous loss. All I can do is
to hang on like grim death. But the
minute that I make handsome profit,
Steve, I'm yours. There's no man for
A'~ AAuAuASu AAAACS uAOu0O ludL gu
a warmer feeling for the old flag than
Latimer Cobb. can tell you those"
But Latimer didn't make a hand
some profit-he didn't make any profit.
Instead, one fine morning his shares of
stock turned worthless on his hands.
The concern whose stock he'd bought
was as worthless as the stock.
AS In fash, one day, he found
himself penniless. He had to turn to
and earn his living. Hardshen Hopper
gave him job that kept body and
soul together. But one day something
happened. It must be remembered
that Latimer Cobb, like his cousin,
Hardshel Hopper, had received for
one year at least, the income on those
five per cent securities that their dead
uncle had invested in. So Latimer
Cobb had had an income he had
filed an income tax return. His in
come had been about fifty thousand
for the year-and the present income
tax on fifty thousand dollars is consid-
cradle. But Latimer Cobb, the young
patriot, whose intentions had been SO
good, and who was going to do so well
by the government, found himself with
out money to pay this tax. He was a
patriot, and he had had large in
come-but he couldn't pay his income
T.