davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Old Things

Wine improves with age. The old
song tells us that old friends are best
Old songs awaken tender memories. OLD
shoes give comfort. And our alleged
tdisdain for old jokes is pure affectation.
We love 'em. We love 'em SO much
that We are continually dressing them
in new clothes-even as a child dresses
the beloved old doll
Here is an old story dressed in a new
suit Of clothes by London Tit-Bits. The
last time we met the hero he was a law
yer But who cares for his clothes :?
Here's the yarn:
Feeling that thirty years Of honest
industry entitled him to a holiday. and
as his son Tom was now quite able to do
any work which might arise. Mr.. Bilks,
the well-known plumber. departed for a
three months motor tour. leaving Tom
in charge of the shop. with youthful
enthusiasm Tom set to work, and 1t
was with complacent pride that he greet
ed his father upon his return
And how is business?" Bilks asked,
cheerfully.
Fine" Tom responded There's no
use in talking, dad, but have made
things hum! I've cleaned up every
thing: there isn't a single unfinished
job on the slate"
Mr.. Bilks turned pale.
You mean to say you've finished with
the bathroom at Browns and the kitchen
sink at Smith's?" he said, slowly.
Sure! Why, those jobs had been
hanging on longer than could remem-
ber.''
my boy" Mr.. Bilks said, sadly, you
don't realize what you have done I've
enough to keep me in my old age, but
you, poor lad, have thrown away what
were to have been your most valuable
legacies. Those jobs paid all your heavy
school fees, and, taken care of, would
have maintained you In comfort for the
rest Of your life"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
New German Humorist

Whoever the inspired gentleman IA
Berlin may be who is writing the Ger
man official communicates on the Rheims
Scissors battle situation, he has a great
honor thrust upon him. On proper ap-
plication he will be admitted to full
membership in the American Press
Humorists, the national organization of
newspaper humorists and cartoonsts
which recently held it's annual conven-
tion in Chicago. The idea was sug-
gested to Douglas Malloch, Chicago poet
and national president Of the newspaper
wits, and met with his instant approval
Sure said Mr.. Malloch, I'VE shall
be glad to take him In, although he has
not been able to take us in as yet
His is the funniest stun have seen on
the war. I understand that the Ger
mans think so well of 1t that they run
it on the front page. They ought to
run 1t In the humorous column, where
1t belongs. Whenever I am downhearted
l always read the German report, be-
cause 1t is sure to be good for a laugh
I wonder II 1t couldn't be worked up
into vaudeville sketch? But no--it's
too funny
What about it strikes you as par
ticularly good?'
well, for example. this statement that
having accomplished our purpose - to
bring on a French counter attack-we
are now goose-stepping 1t for the rear
If that was the purpose of the German
generals. you'll have to admit they got
results. And, If you will read a little
farther. if you are not laughing too
hard, you will learn that the Germans
won a thrilling victory by getting away
without being observed If they con-
| tinue to meet with success 1t looks like
they would soon take Berlin"
The Germans thought the American
army was joke"
1T was. 1t must have been. ANYWAY.
last reports he was still falling-back.
The Americans aren't taking prisoners
they're overtaking them"
ITO what school of humor would YOU
say the official German reports belong? %
They belong to the deaf. dumb and
blind school of humor. They are evil
IDENTIFY intended for the inmates of such
institutions in Germany who have not
yet been sent to the front"
But would you take a German into
membership"
why not? Three Of our members
Franklin p. Adams. Grantland Rice and
F. Gregory Hartswick-are over there
now trying to make the acquaintance
or the Germans. I have asked them
to try to organize local chapter in
| Berlin"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Fully Explained

The learned counsel in the great will
case literally beamed with JOY. Here
was witness who was everything a
witness should be.
Il congratulate you, SIR" he said, en-
Enthusiastically. Your memory for detail
does you infinite credit. And on behalf
of the numerous relatives of the testator
who are present in court I should like
to thank you for the very nattering,
though none the less truthful, descrip-
ton that you have just given of that
esteemed gentleman who is now, alas
no more"
murmur of applause went round
the crowded court.
II presume" continued the learned
counsel, that you were very intimate
with the testator during his lifetime?"
The witness hesitated and blushed q
crimson red. "N-n-no" he answered,
lamely. I'm fact. never saw him in
my life"
But really. SIR" cried the barrister,
in surprise. II fail to see how you could
give such an accurate and fiattering
description of him II you never saw
him 7!
The, witness gave very sickly smile.
Perhaps you will understand better"
he said, when tell you that married
his widow !''-Tit-Bits.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Sandy's Trip

SANDY was spending his munitions hol-
iday. doing the Clyde" or, rather. the
clyde was doing Sandy, seeing he had
lost at cards. deck quoits, and everything
else he had tried his hand at.
FOR solace he sought the bar. and GO,
1t, when he read on the printed tariff
Beer, first glass, Cd; second glass.
4d."
Inc prices were more than Sandy paid
Tor his reviver in Glesga', but the re-
duction for quantities. so to speak, ap-
pealed to his canny nature, and he found
himself wondering what a third glass
would cost.
Accordingly he downed the contents of
the first glass In record time, and called
for second for which he rendered four
pence.
"saxpence. please" said the walter.
But it's ma second glass;" explained
Sandy.
"Aw ken that weel, an more shame
Ia We, but saxpence Is the charge"
Then what's the meanin' o. this %
said Sandy, pointing triumphantly to the
printed tariff.
But when 1t was explained to him that
the practical joker had been at work,
and had altered Glass to Glass" he
paid up. stumbled on deck, and thence
forth the Clyde had no attractions for
Sandy.-Tit-Bits.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Deal Off,: A Nutshell Novel

On that fatal evening Corpthv.,.
'pots was seized with a sudden inspi.
ration Just as he was picking out "rbs
'eetroots' Parade" on the banjo.
BY Jove! he soliloquized. "thi, sort
OF thing ought to go down to poster,t,,
have an idea"
ana So banjo in hand, he hastily
a'hoied down to the Tincan Talking
machine Companys shop.
lf you please, sir" said Corntbw.,..
to the shopman, II would liz. >, .w.
one OF your justly celebrated machine,
IN order that, I can make records =,
my own playing"
fessir. yessir." said the sbo,,,.,
promptly. I'VE have several rood ,,n.,
In the sort Of thing you want. Now
heres fine example. the BoomoRranb
Ihe price is ten guineas, and II Won
ike Will set the machine going. and
you can hear for yourself what ane
records it makes"
smiling complacently, Cornthwaite
spots sat down and gave aloud that
nnished rendering of Twistlepoff's "Fe-
line Seranade." r-..-
After he had finished the sbonr,.,
"ipeo the perspiration from his brow.
ioosened his collar. took a sniff at
some smelling salts. and put the new
record on a machine.
Glowing with pride Cornthwaite b..
t.
asked anxiously. is that me? Did I
play like that?" .....
fessir, exactly, SIR" said the shop-
keeper hopefully Can I sell you the
machine, sir?"
Weh', no, not exactly" answered
cornthwaite Spots, but would you care
TO buy the banjo?"-Ideas.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Gi3AQDD DFtMS SFROM n
~ ttffSGAMNfEERRyA&- = z
The Little Pine.Walk

The little pine-walk where we wander
was planned
For our wooing full many an con ago.
Ere Time from the plasm with leisurely
hand
Had nodded our bodies or breath in
them famed,
The little pine-walk for our woong was
planned.
How should we dream of It, how should
we know,
That the wind driven in from the utter
most sea
Said: Here the brigh, strands of her
hair I shall blow,
Till the heart of him years to her, seeing
her So?
How should we dream of it, how should
we know?
That the sea ceased play at the gray
earths knee.
A song on her mouth and a gift in her
eyes,
For the ages to come and the wooinR
to be?
Ere Earth of her magic had wrought the
first tree
The song OF the pine-walk was sung at
her knee,
And the delicate first little moon in the
skies,
Through the murk Of the centuries seeing
us here,
Set flashing her shuttle, and, canopy
wise,
signs,
Ere the darkness had fled from primor-
dial skies!
So the gift has come down to us shining
and clear.
The schemng accomplished. the CEN
tures spanned.
And the dream that the universe hid and
held dear
Is ours for lifetime, a day or a year,
To keep. as it came TO US, shining and
clear.
Oh. the little pine-walk where we wan
der was planned
For our wooing full many an con ago.
Ere Time from the plasm with leisurely
hand
Had nodded our bodies or breath in
them famed
The little pine-walk for our wooing was
planned.
Nina Murdoch in the Sydney Bulletin.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Nd SOMETHING INTERESTING HERE TO REA
7RY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY CAN FIND SON.
THE DAILY NOVELETTE,
FOR THE FUND
By ALICE ROBERTS

her prim way. Helen's welcome was, II
anything, even more prim than that OF
her aunt. But Miss Leonora was soon in
raptures over the beauty of the car.
She did not see the twinkle newly come
in Helen's eyes. nor the bloom which
had come on Helen's cheeks.
MY goodness, what a lovely automo-
bile" she said.
The Adams feller" smiled at her, not
seeming to see Helen at all.
Just let me throw this bag out of
the way, Miss Leonora, and let me take
you for little spin. You'll see that It
runs just as nice as II looks that Is. of
course. if you'd like me to-"
Miss Lconora had already gone in
for her newest hat. She was back again
in an instant, as eager as a child.
Now. you see" he went on, the car
only holds two, SO that we cant take
Hel-er-your niece, along with us. I'll
take her for little ride when we come
back-er-if | may"
Land, yes. 1t will do her good"
Miss Leonora forgot some of her prim-
ness and caution in her excitement. They
drove off--very slowly and very care
fully. And Helen smiled-very de-
murely.
The wayfeld knitting Club rose in a
body. aghast, as they saw Miss Leonora
driving through the town in the Adams
teller's' car. But wnen. not long after
they saw the same car dart past. ever
the side of the Adams feller." they
laid down their work for the afternoon
and gave themselves up to speculation
on the meaning of the event
What beautiful day it is a de
mure maiden was saying, when with the
town several miles in the background
the car slowed down ~ as to make con-
versation possible.
"Is that all you have TO say to me.
Helen" impatiently' Didn't you get
Why. yes" quietly answered the de-
mure little maiden. She seemed quite
indifferent.
Helen, you've kept me waiting a
whole year. And this afternoon has
been insufferable. Think. whole year
how | want you. You can't. Oh Helen,
dear, I want you so much"
"A year is not so long"
"Oh. Helen"
"And you still love me?"
You know ! do
And you think that we've known each
other long enough?
"Oh, | cannot get along without yuo.
I"
well. then, don't see but that you'll
have to take me, Frank"
The sun was setting as they drove
back very slowly to the little town; The
KIItting Club was waiting wearily to
see~if they were to return at all. Many
were their sighs and exclamations when
the roadster passed by. A few minutes
later the Adams feller" was explain
ing to Miss Leonora something about
the engine stopping in the woods and
about the length OF time it took before
he could start It again.
Tomorrou's Complete Norelette--
ZINE FEATHERS"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08

Bear. 'Tm looking for Billy Belgium.
Have you seen him."
Hes been captured by Indians. They
are going to burn him at the stake"
whispered Peggy in reply. and then she
quickly explained the situation to Lone
same Bear.
They'll not harm a hair of his head
If | have to whip the whole band"
growled Lonesome Bear. I'm going
down there" And away he slipped into
the forest
Peggy heard a shout from below. and
leaned over to see what was happening.
The Indians had heaped pile of wood
in front of Billy Belgium. Chief Many
Cows seized a flaming pine torch from
the camp fire and brandished 1t before
Billy's eyes.
"Paleface boy" he shouted, 'if you
will join our band and help us scalp the
whites we will let you 60"
Never" answered Billy Belgium,
drawing himself up very straight 'I'll
die before I'll become murderer and a
scalper"
you have spoken. So be !" cried
the Indian; and with that he showed the
pine torch into the pile of wood. In
stantlX the blaze leaped up.
Whooping savagsiy, the Indians be-
gan to dance around their victim. Peggy
grew desperate. She grabbed her air
rifle. aimed at Chief Many Cows and
pulled the trigger.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
A Hard Fate

Beryl. aged ten. had just returned
from her music lesson and was full OF
enthusiasm for the grand art.
Yes. mummie, I've thought it all out
I'm going to be a musician when I grow
up. We've all decided what we're going
to do Gertie's going to be a dancer
Mary's going to be a poet, Jacks going
to be an engineer.
"Yes, yes" said mummie, in the tol.
Grant way Of mummies, but what about
your little friends next door? What are
they going to be?''
"Oh, Jenny's going to write plays
Harry's going to be a member Of Par.
lament, and Frances
"Yes?" prompted mother.
"Well, Frances is rather a difficulty
You see, she's not clever, and she cant
do anything really well. / think shell
have to be just a mother Answers
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
OH .nONFI!
ssksX Aaamor H. Ronar ~oe2Yg
Author of "POLyanna" S~~

printed. but even here little could he
learned save the mere fact of the letter
OF instructions, upon which they had
acted according TO directions. and the
other fact that there still remained one
more packet-understoo to be the last
VIII and testament-to he opened in two
Years Sears time trn,, If Mr Mr Fulton remained un;
and courteous, but they really had
nothing to say, they declared, beyond
the already published facts.
In Hillerton the Blaisdells accepted
TINS notoriety with characteristic vara-
ton; MISS Flora, after cordially wei
coming one nice young man" and tell
ing him all about how strange and won
derful 1t was, and how frightened she
1tIt was SO shocked and distressed to
md all that she said (and a great deal
that she did not say > staring at her
from the first page Of a big newspaper
that she forthwith barred her doors. and
refused to open them till she satisfied
nerssit, tSr sit,N by ,Surrentitious peeps through
IN" blinds: that il was only a neighhnr
who was knocking for admittance, An
ofer of marriage from Western ranch
man and another from a Vermont far
mer Ihoth entire stranGers) did not tend
to lessen her perturbation of mind
FRANK. at the grocery store. rather
welcomed queStionerS-so long as there
was hope. of turning. them into custom.
crS nut his wife and MelliCent showed
almost as much terror Of them as did
Miss Flora herself
James Blaisdell and Fred stoicalIv
endured such as refused TO be silenCed
nN thelr brusque noncommittalism
Benny; at first welcoming everything
with the enthusiasm he would accord to
a circus. soon shifted his disdain as at A
show that had gone stale.
=, or them all, perhaps Mrs. Hattie was
the only one that found in il any real
JOY, and comfort. Even Bessie. excited
and interested as she was. failed to re-
spond with quite the enthusiasm that her
mother showed. Mrs. Hattie saw every
reporter. talked freely of dear Cousin
STANLEY and his wonderful generosity
and explained that she would go into
mourning, of course. if she knew he was
really dead. She sat for two new por-
traits for newspaper use. besides gra-
ciously posing for staff photographers
whenever requested TO do so.
And she treasured carefully every
scrap of the printed interviews or refer
enCes TO the affair that she could find
She talked with the townspeople. also.
and told Mr.. Smith how fine it was that
he could have something really worth
while for his book
(TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
What a Question:?

George. dear" cried WHEY from the
bedroom. have you shut the dining groom
Window
Yes, love"
Put the plate basket behind the book
casa?"
'Cm!'
Have you put the dog out?"
Yes"
Sure you bolted the scullery door?"
Sure"
Turned off the gas In the CELLAR"
Yes. precious ~
wound the cloCr?'
Yes. darling">
Brought in the mat from the porch?"
II have, my ownest!"
Have you locked up the wine?'
"Yes, yes. my sweetheart. I have done
even that"
We'll. there's no need to get wild
about it. Why can't you try. to come to
have you been doing down there all this
time?'-Answers
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08

The chief leaped high in the air and
let out a whoop of pain. At the same
moment Billy Belgium gave a shout of
defiance and jumped forward. He stoop-
ed. grabbed up burning sticks and
hurled them among the bare legs Of the
dancing Indians. There was startled
scramble as the flaming brands hit them.
On top of that came a loud whirr, and
the air seemed filled with Owls and Night
Hawks. which swooped down angrily
upon the heads of the Indians and tore
furously at their hair.
In the excitement Billy Belgium leap
ed toward the ravine which served as
entrance to the camp. Several young
braves dashed after him. but fell back
in alarm as the form of Lonesome Bear
rose menaclngly before them.
(The nert chapter toiH tell hotD the
Indians get a surprising scdre)
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08

uELEN's cheeks were very rosy and
- she looked very happy as she came
up the steps of the little veranda. She
gave her aunt the small package of
mail without saying word, and quiet
ly sat on one of the stiff backed chairs.
She had just returned from the post
office
There was silence for moment as
Miss Leonora read the first of the let
ters in her methodical way. Then she
shifted little primly, as they do in New
England towns.
Land sakes," she said here's let
ter from that young Adams feller from
Boston who used to spend his vacations
with the Bakers before they moved
away. an he wants to know if I could
give nm room an board for two weeks.
Ties goi n to have his vacation soon.
well, declare. just think of him goin'
an ImaElnln' that | was goin to take in
any hoarders. He ought to know better n
that"
Her niece smiled little and for some
reason put her hand confidently in her
pocket. She seemed not a bit surprised.
out on the contrary. rather bored
why, the idea. He ought to know
that you were not of the kind that
would take in boarders." She stopped.
,But aunt, she, went on. as though a
thought had suddenly come to her, "if
you were to let him come here. the
money he would pay you would be such
help to the Red Cross fund You
could donate il, you know
That was prrm Miss Lconora's vital
spot. She was always alert to do her
bit for the cause This seemed an easy
way to earn something for the fund. She
thought for moment
We'll, that's so. think I'll tell him
that he can come. But now If he comes,
Helen. you must be very careful how
you act and what you say You know
how the ueighbors do tall<-how they
talked last summer when you an him
went for a walk. Ian sakes, we don't
want any of the Knittin' club talkin'
about us behind our backs"
Helen's cheeks grew red agais Some
thing almost stirred her to revolt She
had lived in the little town since her
mother had died, two years back. Since
that time her every act seemed to be
watched over by prim Miss Leonora,
and even more especially by the lynx
eyed neighbors But then she subsidized
and with a demure little smile said in
her quiet way:
Very well. aunt" and straightway
she lapsed into silence.
Time passes slowly in those little
sleepy towns among the mountains The
Monday came at last. however. when
the Adams Teller" was to arrive. Miss
Leonora was surprised. and the knitting
club. in session that afternoon. was
astounded when he drove up to the
homely little cottage in the glory of
great sleek. powerful roadster
"Hulloa. in there was the CHEEKY
and soon after Helen-to the door.
"Awfully good of you folks to let me
come"
Prim Miss Leonora received him in
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08

Doggy thought quickly 1t was use
L less to run for help. She might he
caught by the scouts in the woods. And,
besides, before aid could come. Billy
Belgium might be burned up. She had
to depend upon herself
The Indian braves We're again dane
ing. Squaws and pappooses were busily
gathering bits of wood. which they threw
before Billy. taunting him as they did
Billy met their taunts hravely He
didn't look bit scared. With a thrill
of hope, Peggy noticed that his hands.
though tied behind his back and around
the tree, We're not idle. They were try
ing to undo the knots that held him. If
she could only slip a knife into his
hands
At that thought Peggy ran to the
coat he had left behind when he climbed
down the cliff. Perhaps there was
knife in it. She found no knife in the
first pocket. nor in the second, but in
the third was something hard. Eagerly
new knife, with spring blade that flew
open when she pressed tiny knob at
the side.
Here was just the thing but how
was she going to get it into Billy Bel
gums fingers?
Judge Owl stood blinking at her anx-
iousy. you will save him. won't you,
Princess Peggy?" me mumbled low.
We'll save him together, il you'll he
a hero" she eagerly whispered back
As hero. I'm a zero.
But you II find that I'll be game;
! will fight I will die for
You in any task you name.
Even in that moment of danger Judge
Owl couldn't help bursting into poetry.
II want to get this knife into Billy
Belgium's hands. Can you take it to
him in your beak?'
Sure; that's easy" said Judge Owl.
He seized the knife and swooped down
! into the basin, unnoticed by the Indians.
AS Peggy leaned over to watch him a
curious noise behind her caused her to
! turn quickly,
"Sniff Sniff. :" Something was coming
through the bushes. Was it an Indian
scout? Sniff Sniff - No, it sounded
more like large animal. Sniff
| Sniff :" huge beast broke from the
underbrush and waddled toward her.
Invountarily she made slight noise,
and the animal reared up high, uttering
a savage growl.
Something in the growl seemed IA
| miliar to Peggy.
why, it's Lonesome Bear" she whis.
pered.
MY gracious. Princess Peggy. what
scare you gave me" replied Lonesome
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-08-08
Wrong Number

There Is a certain battery now in the
firing line which is known by the un-
romantic title of &C" Also-perhaps 1t
should have been mentioned first-this
battery has a C. o. whose temper Is
not exactly angelic, and on that cir
cumstance there hangs a tale.
1t had been a very hot day, in many
ways and "C'' battery, having taken a
full share Of the heat. was just resting
when the base telephone rang.
"Hullo!" :" roared the c. o.
Are you C. sir?" came a voice along
the wire.
mo-" said the hot-tempered officer,
emphatically. Pm not Caesar-nor
Brutus, either Ideas.