davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1918-07-30
No. Of No. Of

No. Of No. Of
Shares Cert. Amt
s. L. Bingham ] 962 800
Johanna Johanson 8 l3l 500
Fred Murer Y 8s1 so
Edward G. Smith z 966 700
Utah Mortgage
Loan Corp. = $50 10
Harriet Williams 661 100
And in accordance with law ana
on order OF the Board OF Directors
made on the goth day of April, 1918.
so many shares Of each parcel Of
such stock as may be nee
essary will be sold at the front door
of the Court House. Logan. Utah.
on the goth day Of July, 1918. at
the hour of o'clock p. M. to pay
the delinquent assessment thereon
together with the cost Of advertising
and expense of sale.
LARS G. PETERSON.
Secretary.
Dated at Logan. Utah. July 2.
1913. Adv-7-20
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1918-07-30
But They Can Talk

A large majority Of Turkish women
ere unable to read or write their own
1llllcult language.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1918-07-30
Mother Of IA Has
Own War Caaden


0Sfs<@UO8S3os
could hardly stand II. ! would get
In all kinds Of positions trying 10
get some ease, but the only way I
could get any relief was to lay hard
ON my stomach. and for two weeks
never slept two hours night. I
was under treatment several times
and tried all kinds Of medicine, and
still got no relief and when they
told me I could never get well with
out an operation I felt that my
trouble must be very serious.
II used to weight one hundred
and seventy-five pounds but kept
fallig off until l got to be very thin.
When I began taking Tanlac about
two months ago just weighed one
hundred and twenty-five pounds
but now ! weigh one hundred and
fifty pounds--have gained TWEEN
Ity-five pounds-and am still gain
ing. can eat most anything | want
with out it hurting me and l seldom
ever have pain of any kind. I fee
ALMOST like girl again and while
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

and boob II a man should step up
to you on the street and tell you that
you were a slab-sided old galoot. with
your icy eye and your frozen mitt, I'll
bet you a>nickel you wouldn't know
ment or reciting free verse in pure
bolshevik.
"I can give you fifteen words in
everyday English right now. ofhand.
that TIL bet you can't define. What's
a watt? what's q woppf what's q
hunky? Tell me in ten or ten million
words, as you prefer. what's geezer?
What does the base ball reporter mean
when he says that Slithers Of the Red
Socks famed the universe, and Cobb
died on third? What does a dramatic
critic intend to convey to a readers
mind when he says of debutante ac-
tress that in singing the lingo she's
mess, but as a rack to hang the glad
rags on she's a laIlapaiooza
POUNDS, man@' cried the doctor
Yep, that's it," said Napoleon.
.Zounds-mere empty Eounds to you,
Doc; but to the cultivated American
as clear as the limpid waters of
mountain stream. In other words,
Sammy, just as Alexander here i'm
agined that he was the last word in
conquerors of the world. so you thought
yourself the last word in words
smart aleck, like all the rest Of u.s.
We'll. I am glad to hear you say
u.s. said DIR. johnson. sharply. TT is
at least gracious OF you to include
yourself"
OF course. I include myself" said
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

Abe A theayter cricket Is a crte,n.t
and not an appraiser. understand. He
goes TO a play to judge the play AND
not the prospective box office recespt,-
Abe. and IL on account Of his knocking
plaJ which would otherwise make
money for the manager and do a lot
of harm to the people which goes to
the theayter. such a show is nut out
of business. Abe. then the theayeer
cricket has done good job"
Sure ] know. Mawruss." Abe said.
'but it's just as likely to be the other
way about. which you take these here
shows the crickets gets all worked IN
over because they ere written by for
eigners from Sweden. Mawruss. where
a married woman gets to feeling that
her husband. her home and her
children amt exciting enough, yum
derstand. so she either elopes or
commits suicide. understand me, and
many a business man has come to
breakfast without shaving himself on
The day after taking his wife to see
such a show and caught her looking at
him in an awful peculiar way. yum
derstand
Then there is other shows which
crfckets thinks a whole lot OF. where a
young Teller which couldn't get down
TO business and ear ma decent living
puts it all over the man who has been
financially successful. understand.
and plenty OF young fellers which gets
home all hodrs OF the night and
couldn't hold job long enough TO re.
member the telephone number Of the
firm they work for comes away from
the show feeling that they amt get
ting a square deal from their father.
who has never done a thing to help
them in all this life except to feed.
clo,he and educate them for twenty
odd years.
We'll. such plays. anyhow. make you
think, Abe Morris said. whereas
as when you come away from ono -
them musical pieces. what do you haSa
to show for it, Abe?"
: "a good nights rest, AawrusA. Abe
said, which no one will never lay
awake nights wondering IL his wife or
his son has got peculiar notions about
not being appreciated"
Then what is your idea Of a gssd
show, anyway" Morris inquired
: We'll. TIL tell you, Mawruss. good
show is show which you got to pay
so much money to a Spectator for a
decent seat, understand. that you
couldn't enjoy it after you get there
Abe concluded, and that is a good
show
Copyright, 1918. by Mcclure syndicste-S
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17
HAMLET.

We'll. Til tell you" Morris said.
while I admit that the theayter crick-
cts is smart feIiers and knows all about
the rules and regulations for writing
tell at a glance during the first per-
Torrance if the audience is laughing
in violation Of what is considered good
play construction or crying because the
show is sad in spot where a play
shouldn't ought to be sad if the man
who wrote it had known his business.
understand. still at the same time
theayter crickets is to me in the same
class with those here diet experts.
Take a dinner which one of them diet
experts approves of. Abe, and the food
is o. h, the kitchen IS clean, the cook
ing is just right as to time and tenn
perature of the oven. there's the proper
proportions of water and solids. and, in
fact, it's first-class, a-number-one
meal from the standpoint of every per-
it. excepting the Teller which eats it.
and the only objection he's got to it is
that it tastes rotten"
And that would be quite enough to
put a restaurant out Of business if it
served only good meals according to
the opinion of diet experts. Mawruss.
because diet experts don't buy meals.
Mawruss. they only inspect them" Abe
commented.
and even if theayter criekets did pay
for their tickets, Abe" Morris contin-
ued, "there amt enough of them to
support one of these here little theay-
tiers which has got such a small seat
ing capacity that neither the exits nor
the kind of plays they put on has to
comply with the fire laws, y'under-
stand. But that amt here or there.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

Greece in fortyseven years Why
waste time on Greece when you can
get oil? And you take it from me,
Aleck, as far mere revenue is con-
cerned. I'd rather own a hundred
shares worth of Henry Ford off in one
sooty little corner of Detroit than
every inch of all the rellum you held
the hellum Of
Il don't think 1 ever heard of Henry
Ford" said Alexander.
NO. 1 don't think you did," returned
Napoleon. In short, there was lot
you never heard of, and therefore never
knew. but you thought you knew ev-
erythinS. In short, you were smart
aleck. If you had been a real aleck
instead of only a smart aleck, you'd
have canned the sigh. seized an ak. and
gone out and chopped out a new horizon
line for yourself"
Hear. hear" cried Columbus, who
had been an interested listener. throw =
ing out his chest like proud pouter.
20 you needn't throw amy bouquets
at yourself, either. Christopher" said
Napoleon. my advice to you in so far
as your case is concerned is that you
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17
= Abe and Morris Discuss

to be big rush on the theayters con-
trolied by the split-up producers on ac-
count people, has been reading in the
papers about their scrspping again.
Abe:" Morris inquired -,
Abe shrugged his shoulders.
Il don't think nothing of the kind.
Mawrus.s.'. Abe said. but there's a
whole lot OF fellers in the theayter
business which have stories printed
about themselves where it tells how
they used to was in business and final
ly worked their way into the theayter
business and what is their favorite
1uncreon Dish, understand. till you
would think; that the reason people
went to see plays was because the man
ager formerly run clothing store in
Milwaukee. Wis, and is crazy about
liver and bacon. southern style"
That would be anyhow as good a
reason as because the leading lady's
home life didn't come up to her hus-
bands expectations Morris CONNIE Mt
ed.
We'll. no matter for what reason
people do it. Mawruss" Abe concluded
buying tickets for some shows is as
big a gamble as a home cooked welsh
RABBIT. For instance. in a New York
paper there is three shows advertised
as the biggest hit in town. four OF
them says they got more laughs in
them than any other show in town and
there are a lot of assorted Biggest
Hits in Years. biggest Hits Since the
Music Master and Biggest Hits in New
1Crk.' SO what chance does an outsider
stand of knowing which advertise
ments is o. h. and which is just push
ing the stickers""
The plan that ] got is never to go
on a thea!ter till the show has been
running for at least three months,
Abe Morris advised
e., But if everybody else followed the
same plan. Mawruss." Abe commented,
what show is going to run three
Say Norris exclaimed. There
would always be plenty of nosy people
in New York city which amt got no
more to do with their money than TO
find out if what the orickets has gotto
say in the newspapers about the new
plays is the truth or. just kindness of
heart. y'understand."
From what l know of newspaper
crickets. Mawruss.." Abe said. when
they praise a show they may be mis-
taken, but they're never kind-hearted."
IF play, runs three months, Abe,
it don't make no difference to. me
whether the newspaper crickets praised
it because they had kind hearts or
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

ert into truck farm to supply the idle
rich of Spain with fresh caulifiower-on-
toast all through the year. But the
ing use of the Mississippi where it
was If you'd had real vision. and
hadn't made up your mind that you
knew it all. you'd have turned few
dollars out of that marvellous old creek
that would have paid oft every ma =
tional debt in the world in a week
What did you know about Minneapolis.
and St. Paul, and st. Louis? Why
don't believe you had sense enough TO
sense even keokuk"'
well said De Soto, hesitatingly;;
Il guess that's it, old man. grinned
Napoleon. We'll! That's all you
thought of. The minute you saw the
well somewhere, and when a man
thinks of a river in the terms of a
well, De Soto, he's a plain common gar
den smart aleck, and nothing else"
That's the truest word you ever
spoke. Nappy.' said Hendrix. Hudson.
Now. when I discovered the Hudson
river
. 49, e.! ., - - =.
PLEASE don't make me laugh. Choir
tied Napoleon. I've got a fever blister
on my lip and it hurts me even to smile.
When you discovered the Hudson! Mar
velous! Wonderful. There was a hen
or when you came along Hendrix. my
boy. You sailed in past Sandy Hook,
and you discovered the Hudson
and when. you went ashore on Manhat-
tan Island instead of laying claim to
everything in sight, the way Columbus
and the rest of the worlds great dis
coverers have always done by hosting .
nag IN the name of some far-distant
majesty. and leaning over and kissing
the sidewalk, like the perfect gentle
man you are. you summoned the squat
tiers. who thought they owned the
place. and bought it from them.
You gave them $24 and q swig of
schnapps for it. I.never heard whether
the check you gave the noble red man
got safely through the bank or not, but
anyhow you gave them at least one side
Of a square deal. It was a fine piece
OF business, exceedingly altruistfc and
all that-but then what did you do?
Wen. you probably sighed because
there weren't any more islands Of the
same kind to be had at the same'price.
You thought you were awfully clever,
ana IN way you were. 1t was some
bargain you put Though when you
handed those "a bucks over to the
grasp1ns red man; but III bet you 8
simoleons to Mexican paper dollar
that you didn't clear more than forty
nine 1fty on the transaction yourself.
There 1t was-the greatest real es-
tate proposition in history, all in your
own hands. Swept by ocean breezes.
f1Ith avenue lots occupied by smiling
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17
The S1nartness of Alexander

I'll do it. here and now. What is your
tory, Al?''
II was conqueror of the world" re-
piled Alexander, proudly.
Some world. some world" said Ma
poleon contemptuously. You corralled
pious lot of the world. you did! What
did it amount to in point of cold facts?
You grabbed a few Greece spots. and
then you quit. You don't call that
garden-patch you conquered the world
do you?"
1T was all anybody knew about at
the time" said Alexander. "Contem
poraneously speaking, it was all the
world there was. II there'd been any
more I'd hare conquered that, too. |
was willing enough, for. as you may
remember. sir, ] sat down and wept
because there was no more world to
conquer"
Exactly" said Napoleon, land that's
where you prove the truth of my state
ment that you were th1original smart
aleck who didn't know Is much as you
thought you did. You see. AL. if you
hadn't been a smart aleck that thought
he knew it all, and had. incidentally.
grabbed it all. You'd have gone out
and made a cleaner job of it. Just be-
few pretty little villa plots on the
Mediterranean you sit down and sigh
like lovesick hippopotamus wooing
his hippopotama on the banks of the
hadn't even begun. No more worlds
to conquer? Why. great Scott, man,
you hadn't started"
oh. hadn't T." retorted Alexander
"A lot you know about it. I had
Greece, hadn't L."
Sure you had" chortled Napoleon,
but how about little old New York
and Ohio and Michigan, to say moth
ing of Texas and Oklahoma? Why,
Al, old man, you could have dropped
your dinkey little world into one
corner of Texas alone, and as long as
Villa was asleep nobody'd ever have
known it was there. And think of
what you missed while performing
that historic little sigh stunt of yours
There's more real money gushing UP
out of the oil wells of Oklahoma in a
day than you could squeeze out OF
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

3D. 70: al: ;;. ,c: .,:::
- morning where the theatre
cal producers has had another split"'
Abe Potash asked one morning in Feb
= ruary.
Say Morris Perlmutter replied. Il
didn't even know they had ever made
UP since the time they split before. and
furthermore, Abe. think that even
If the most important news a Teller in
the newspaper business could get ahold
OF to print on his front page was an
i. o. NJ A. convention, instead OF the
greatest war in history. understand.
he would be giving his readers a great,
big jolt compared with the thrill they
get when they read about the troubles
people has got in the show business.
Maybe you think so. Nawruss." Abe
said, but the producers don't think so.
when you consider that two con-
Germs control all the theayters in the
United States and spends millions OF
dollars"
PROBABLY you're right. Abe Morris
said, but if il was you and me that
hau a big fight on with our nearest
competitors. Abe. publicity would be
the last thing we would be. looking
for"
The garment business amt the
theayter business. Mawruss. Abe said.
"For instance. being defendant in d
divorce suit don't get any one no.
where's in the garment trade. because
if garment manufacturer would have
such a. person working for. him. prac-
ticsIly the only effect it would have
be Obliged to neglect it two or three
times day answering telephone in
euiries from mis- wife as to just how
he was putting in his time. y'under-
stand and so far as bringing customers
into your place who want to see the
lacy You got working for You which
all the scandal was printed about in
the papers, MawFuss, it wouldn't make
any difference what the evidence was,
you couldn't get your trade interested
to the extent even of their coming in
to snoop with no Intentions to buy,
understand. But you take it in the
theayter business and big fortunes has
been made out of some rotten plays
simply because the theayter-going pub
lie wanted to see if the leading lady
looked like the pictures which was
printed of her in the papers at the time
the court denied her the custody OF
the child. understand me-
Then you think that there's going
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

mobile cortege leaves his late residence.
But there is more of them like doc
tors which says that the patient may
live two days and he may live. two
weeks. understand; and four weeks
later he is put in class and leaves for
Camp Upton with the next contingent
Morris said Take even Hamlet Abe,
which 1 can remember since way be-
fore the Spanish war already. and I
bet yer when that show was put on
there was some crickets which said
that John Drew or whoever it was
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17
iHAS@ ONEY," said DR.. johnson one
10 IO night recently at the house.
y boat on the Styx, address

% TO night recently at the house.
III u boat on the Styx, address,
ing Napoleon Bonaparte,
who had just come in from mailing an
alimony check to the Empress Joseph
Inc, "as a would-be conqueror of the
earth You must know something of the
inner workings of the minds of these
chaps like Kaiser Bill, who want to
hang it on their fob ribbons. What is
the big idea, anyhow"
-oh." laughed Napoleon. Il don't know
that can explain it exactly. 1 guess
it's because we are a lot of smart
alecks who want to get our pictures in
the papers without paying full adver-
Using rates at the business ONCE
play light on that smart aleck
phrase, will you, Boney?" interrupted
Alexander. 1T is offensive to me and 1
won't stand for it"
Il shouldn't think you would" grim
ned Napoleon. CAS- the original smart
aleck, should think quite contrariwise.
When a man has been flashed on the
screen of posterity as the prize smart
aieck of all time / should opine that
the mere thought of that phrase would
make him so hot under the collar as to
melt his collar button and scorch his
neck"
What do You mean by calling me the
original smart aleck?'' bristled Alexan-
der. grabbing a water carafe by the
neck and brandishing it in the face of
the Corsician.
Just what / say" retored Napoleon,
with a cold steely glare that had a
cooling effect upon the other I'm view
OF the fact that smart aleck is mem
Der of the Alexander tribe that doesn't
know as much as he thinks he does
You qualify in the A No. division"
"Tush'" retorted Alexander. Ioftily
waving Napoleon aside with a naughty
sweep of his hand. That's easy enough
TO say. but hard to prove"
It can prove il all right" said Ma
poleon stolidly. And since you insist
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

knocked it because they had stomach
trouble. Morris said, 81 am willing to
risk my two dollars anyhow"
Maybe it would be better all around.
Mawruss. if the newspaper .crickets
printed what they think about play the
day after it closes instead of the day
after it opens" Abe observed. land then
they might have something to go by.
cts is like doctors which says there is
absolutely nothing the matter with the
patient only ten days before the auto
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-17

squaws ready to move on for a bead.
Wall street then as now sheep pas
ture. A harbor big enough to hold
every fleet that ever sailed the sea; Broad
way a coWpath. Corner lots worth a
kings ransom everywhere-worthm more
today than Alexander's whole kingdom
during his lifetime-and then what?
Did you organize the Hudson and Man
up? You did-not. You didn't make
enough out of that deal to keep a re-
formed pacifist going on the Great
White Way for one heatless Monday
night. You pulled the great bonehead
play of the western world. Alongside
of your ivory these other smart alecks
are nothing but synthetic celluloid-
fear. me. Hendrix, that among smart
alexendrineS you are the greatest ever.
don't believe there's one of your de-
sceAdants- qualifying for the income tax
on the Island of. Manhattan today. al
though there was time when Foxy
Grandpa owned it ALL
"You have given us a very interest
ing and Illuminating exhibit. Boney.
said DR.. Johnson, who had been fol-
lowing Napoleon's expose of the
worlds greatest with delighted amuse-
ment. You seem to me to have DEM
onstrated with the greatest clarity the
real lack of vision of your so-called
men of action" -
-<oPoASo-' iaoSHCo heartily dS hS
noted DR.. Johnson's somewhat POM
pous and condescerding manner.
well, Sammy" said. he, "you need
not be in any hurry to kill any ostriches
to get feathers for your cap. When
the Smart Alec Club is started you'll
qualify as a charter member all right.
You have been handed. down to pos
terity as the great photographer. 1 be-
lieve. You were the champion word
thrower of the age. But when we get
right down to cases, your signs be-
cause there were no more terminol-
ogies to terminate were superfiuous."
WHAT" sputtered the doctor, tap
ping the floor nervously with his cane;
you mean to intimate that +"
ct don't mean to intimate anything.
Samivel," said Napoleon. 81 merely
call your attention to a fact. I admit.
my beloved syllable sharp. that as
wordy guy you put the gey in geyser.
but when 1t comes to the English Ian
guage as complete whole. what were
you, anyhow? Why, there isn't a base
pail reporter on country newspaper
in America this morning who hasn't
got you dashed to the mast as a tanner
OF the merry untamed vocabulary.
Really, now. Doc, own up. Honest to
goodness. what do you really know of
those modern vehicles Of thought that
all hlgh school children know as
woids! dare you right now to try
to ten me the difference between hick'