Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-03-27
Interview With the Inventor
of the Great Cheese HOWitzer
By CHRISTOPHER MORLEY

AS SOON as I heard of the great cheese
"A howitzer which discharges limburger
bombs and hurls them a distance of eighty
miles or more, realized the Importance OF
this invention. death-dealing instrument
SO horrible might mean the end OF all war.
1t was imperative for me to see the inventor
at once.
I did not know where he lived, but was
aware that virtually all inventors come from
Hartford. Conn., or Dayton, 0. 1 took the
night train to Hartford and there 1 found
the man l sought.
The inventor Che refuses to diVulge ms
name, for he fears that his military ueVics
will bring upon him the undying obloquy OF
posterity) is a quiet little man, with large
Adams apple. He was reading Insro
Progress" when burst upon him. He says
II is his only relaxation. 1t was hard 10 get
him to talk about the cheese howtzer, oe
cause at the moment he Is more interested
In his wireless telewaitress, a mecnanlcai
automaton for use in popular restaurants
Each table in the cafe Is suppiied WIN
wireless transmitter by which the patron
orders his meal. The telewaitress Is master
piece of the porcelain dollmakers' art, con-
forming to the standard 36-21-3S measure
ments circumferenced by the venus oe hei-
iermann In fact, this fascinating automaton
ia so nearly human in its perfection tnat u
has been known to bring ham ana esss "
customers ordering Ice cream.
After some talk about the telewaitress:
however, induced the scientist to speak OF
the cheese howitzer
xNF COURSE It has been rejected by the
" United States Ordnance Department.
I asked. "r,o vrs,t-
hearted humanitarians In charge OF the ue-
nartment said that 1t was too terrible 10 De
contemplated by any civilized nation. am
afraid however, that the Germans may
nave got wind of It, 1t carries long way
to leeward," he added. with a dry chuckle:
Would you be willing to tell me ahe prinI p,
cinle on which the howitzer operates! 1
asked. "It occurred to me-
"You have hit upon 1t at once he said.
"Curd is the most powerful deterrent IN 'he
world. A secret combination OF curds ana
whev stimulated with Tactic acid, forms the
,,mhurser shell. This shell discharges itself
hu its own gas, which is so powerful that 1t
buris the projectile at least eighty miles
The most curious feature OF the shell is that
a. has a subtle and conscious afiinity Tor
G.r,mans II does not need to be aimed at
80 na rticular target 1t Is simply dis
charged in the air and Its own unerring In
stinct leads 1t to the largest group OF Prus-
slams within range l am now Sorkins upon
s.,iI have an affinity for the Kaiser When
comniete that shell shall fire It on and 1T
will necessarily travel until it finds its human
| complement"
| r hsgan 10 wonder whether he was fanatic.
Ana vet his theories seemed to be based on
sound and equitable principles.
| <<r EFT ME- take you up to my gas cham
| 4 ber," he said. "and will show you
| something"
| -,o,n built Of heavy metal THE walls OF
| tSss chamber are cellular" said the inventor
aand padded inside with sausage meat. Sau-
sage meat Is the only known reagent Tor
| ths limburger gas sausage dugout is
absolutely the only defense against Its devas-
tatinr effects. Curious. isn't II. how nature
always provides the antidote. II one can only
hit upon it2"
Against the wall of the chamber waf
amazed to see a large pipe organ. asked
its purpose
II am going to prove to you," said the In
| ventor, "the secret and mystic affinity thii
| ,mburger gas has for Prussian kultur Al
soon as any of the gas Ia liberated II findi
ia way irresistibly to the nearest point a
which its inborn and essential frightfulnes'
can. express itself The easiest way In which
can demonstrate this Is by means Of thil
organ"
masks. which we donned. Than he turned. to
TAIL cylinder and rsleased astopcock. sav
| : ~ Of yelIowish-groen v9pqr spprt out
~ q IN aecon1g pQthipg 1nrpened
{. (. s's5 r s;s;: I: s'ss; ~;