Omaha daily bee., 1918-05-06
Treasurg "Wotchdogs" omd the War
Disappearance Of the d-Tie Guardians Of the Erchequer
and Developnaent of New Breed

| their breed finally extingushed. CANNES oi
different quality have been substituted for
them They watch the treasury, but only to
ascertain whether anything is left in it or about
to be put in it. They do not watch those who
need watching, but they watch for them
Their olfactories quiver with no sense of the
possible proximity of marauders, but with the
| joy of prospective continuous feast, whose
abundance may partially satisfy the insatiate
demands of their unappeasable appetites.
Theirs is the policy of the open door,
and the more doors the better, and the
fecundity of the breed is beyond computation
1t multiplies, but does mot replenish the
earth. They can not be classified as species,
for their shapes are protean. They have just
one line of vision, and that embraces the
federal treasury. Their motto is Let no guilty
dollar escape Their pretexts for public con4
tributions are countless as the sands of the
seashore. They are as prolific of them as
Germany is of spies. In their progress toward
| treasury exhaustion they have sheltered ut-
der the roof of the national treasury all birds
of the air, the beasts of the field. the fishes
of the waters under the earth, and the multi
tudinous swarms of insectivorous life. They
inspire federal employees and men who heard
the guns of the enemy from cloistered sane
tuaries during the civil war to help them
selves and welcome. They have devised re-
volving funds which do not revo1ve and can
not do so. They are incapable of turning
over. They are called revolving funds because
they are all large, round ones. But their
| spheres become segments as soon as they
emerge from the treasury doors.
"The war has quadrupled the breed and
multiplied their pretexts many fold. Discover
ing and utilizing them constitutes the prin-
cipal source of competition between Uncle
Samuers factions. The things which have
become and are becoming necessary, or which
are said to contribute to the successful prose-
cution of the war, enhance within their scope
of the Garabed scheme to harness natural
energy and purchases of magnary homes for
homeless Indians. The hungry bowling,
! clamoring pack has surrounded the treasury,
burrowed under it, and swarm all over the
roof
Time is feeting. 1t creates opportunities,
but it bears them along its hurrying tides.
This war is opportunity, and all wars must
end some time. Hence, other, avenues to the
money vaults, all of them either necessary
or contributing to the prosecution of the war,
must be devised and pressed to the limit right
now The field has been pretty thoroughly
CLEANED, but here and there stray pepper
corn may be uncovered and developed 1t
may still be possible to secure appropriations
to teach the taxpayer the difference between
pulling his tooth and pulling his leg and why
he should howl at the one and smile at the
other; to investigate the habits and heredi-
tary etendencies of the tumblebug and the
lightning bug, and ascertain why the one
pushes in one direction and looks in the
other, while the latter hangs his lantern upon
his rear and then flies ahead; to study the
vagaries of the lobster, and make him quit
blushing when he is boiled to study the
habitat and the anatomy of the skunk and
teach him to use only blank cartridges in
polite society; to devise plans for abolishing
toll and making idleness productive; to study
the maladies of the skin and ascertain why
measles break out and shingles strike in.
these suffice as specimens"