davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
LUKE M,LUKE SAYS

More words are uttered and less is said In barber shops and kaifs than in any other establishments. Matrimony keeps the automobile busi- ness down to some extent. There are millions of men who have discovered that It is impossible to support wife and an auto at the same time.
 Five minutes before a man gets into the house at a. m, he is cussing him. self because he can't find the keyhole And five minutes after he gets into the house and meets Friend Wife he is cuss- Ing himself because he did find it. We'll, the fellow who used to say he only wished he had enough money tc pay an income tax on is soon going to have his wish, even though he isn't mal1- Ing any more money than he used to. When they are engaged the mother o1 the young man knows that no girl is good enough for her son and the mother lof the girl knows that no man is good enough for her daughter. And after they have been married awhile both members of the sketch begin to realize that theiI mothers were correct.
 The man who hollers because it takes his wife so long to doll herself up hollers twice loudly if she doesn't look as neat as other women.
 A farmer has an idea that all store keeper has to do is to ring up the cash. When man has recipe for getting rich quick you will soon discover that the recipe consists of selling the recipe to you and a million other suckers. The fact that boys will be boys is no excuse for their acting like hoodlums.
 Men and fish have one thing in com mon. Both are likely to be caught if they don't keep their mouths closed.
 The fellows who waste the most time in this world are the fellows whose time is not their own.
 bachelor feels sorry for man who Is getting married because he figures that the poor boob hasn't sense enough to feel sorry for himself.
 In some lands high forehead Is . sign of intellect But in this country you can't tell whether the fellow with the massive. noble dome is professor or garbage wagon driver.
 The heroines in the passoinate best sellers never get up with headaches in the morning. But 1t is different with women " ~ral hfa.
 it ixHt tts wsy fs& loax v; other V em$n fliS7 makes voen wits mad, ls Is the sR* ycp dgsst lp1& at her.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Thrifty Ncwsboy

T received the shock of my life yesterday said Jeff Bailey. when spoke to Roy Beck, one of the of- flee boys at The Age-Herald. about buying some thrift stamps.
 He pulled a ten spot out of his jeans and handed 1t to me and asked me to buy him s10 worth. I immedi- ately went down to see our cashier, F. c. Tobin. and purchased two war saving certificates for s4.12 each, and seven thrift stamps, and brought back one cent in change. Roy now has the best paper in the world valued at s11.75 upon maturity for the ten spot that he had saved up and was carry ing around in his pockets, possibly to lcse.
 CT have got little investment the boy informed me, that brings me s1 week and I am going to put that into thrift stamps every week and then sec how much I can spare out of my salary besides each week."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
wIFEY's PLAN FAILS
From the Kansas City Star.

FrOm the hansaS CIty Star.
 There, now" said the newspaper mans wife. This room is to be your den, to do as you please with it. shall not clean 1t up at any time. You floor until you are sick of the looks of it. Then you may clean it up your self, if it ever becomes so bad it of- fends your sense of decency." The plan was great success. No room in the house is nearer immaculateness than the den. It is kept so by the news paper man himself, who does his read ing and writing and paper throwing exclusively in the dining room.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
WORD TO THE DAMPHooLs

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 Of all the damphools. the biggest is the one who invented the yarn about the Courier-Journal getting out an extra on double military murder and the sovernment-save the mark!-suppress- ing it. Except for the bigger damphools who listen to such a yarn. Did Sister and Brother Damphool ever realize they are living in America, not Prussia. and the government can't stop the publication of news?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
KERENsKY
From the Chicago Tribune.

From the Chicago Tribune.
 Kerensky, says the valued Post, has become "a man of pathetic mystery" |" a corn cob. Kerensky cracked because instead of acting. he conversed. He took the bull by the ear. not the horns. He cried havocsky and let slip pack of roaring sucking doves. He hung his banners on the inner walls. and struck when the iron was cold. A man of mys- tery! The mystery was, did he accent his name on the first syllable or the second?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
HOme-Like Hotel

'l have been here for several days on business said H. M Bailey for merly manager of the Hillman, but now in charge of the remodeled An niston Inn. "I am always glad to see my old friends, even if I have to run over to see them, and I am glad to be able to state that now I am able to take care of those who come to An- niston. If you haven't yet visited Camp Mcclellan for fear that Anniston was unprepared to properly care for you just forget it. for I am now in charge of one of the most home-like hotels in the country"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord, let no wicked desire, no thirst for re- venge, no mean envying unhallow my prayer as I apprOch Thy place. May come with clean hands and n pure heart. May I come wishing all men well. May I come in the spirit of Him who prayed even for His enemies. Amen.-H. NJ. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
Good Selection

VI think the Southside Baptist church made good selection in elect ing Darby H. Brown superintendent of the Sunday school,' said Perry Fowlkes. We are mighty proud of our Sunday school and of the workers if has turned out. Mir. Brown is a thor oughly up-to date Sunday school work CT and I feel sure that his officers and teachers will rally around him and help him continue to make the school over which he presides one of the very best in the entire state"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
Nothing Cut and Dried

"If anyone has gotten the idea into his head that the Realtors are not a bunch of live wires" said Robert P. McDavid, Jr., the genial secretary, they ought to have dropped in on us
 at the two last luncheons held at the Southern club. We have some spir-
 ited debates but everyone goes out in good humor. I think it's a good
 sign when men can differ sharply and
 yet express themselves without giving
 offense. There is nothing cut and dried about our meetings. President Mont
 gomery sees to it that live topics are
 discussed. We are taking in new mem-
 bers at every meeting"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
Ground Hog Not
 Dependable Prophet

Dependable Prophet m OMORROW will be grounding
 0 day and people are now won
 dering whether it will be cloudy or whether the sun will be shining. Ac-
 cording to an old belief, if the ground hog, on coming out of his hole on the second of February to take look at the weather, sees his shadow he goes back and sleeps in comfort six weeks longer, during which time there will be much rough winter, If he does not see his shadow he concludes that spring is nigh and remains out. While advanced thinkers and high brows in general regard the ground hog as commonplace creature, not to say stupid, and one utterly devoid of any divining power that would en- able him to foretell weather condi- tions, countless thousands of all man. |ner of souls attach enough import |ance to the day to recall the story and note the heavens.
 Many people who eschew every thing connoting superstition have a lurking idea that the ground hog sign may, after all, come true. Even those who used to look up the weather rec lord, dating from February 2, and find that it was somewhat against the ground hogs judgment" forget the facts and every year hope for a full vindicatioa of what is known to be myth.
 As to grounding weather in the Birmingham district, Local Forecaster E. c. Horton wrote to The Age-Her- ald on February 7, 1915, for the pur- pose of enlightening the public by presenting a ten-year record. He said, among other things:
 "The weather man, having only a passive faith in ground-hog forecast ing, decided to consult the records to see if the ground hog had been vim dicated during the last ten years 1905 to 1914, inclusive. Of course, in making this investigation, it was nec- essary to put aside such small details as the possibility of the sun shining for time in Birmingham and not shining at all in the ground hogs haunts around Bessemer, and thereby giving Bessemer an early spring and poor Birmingham six weeks more of wintry weather.
 "So far as the weather bureaus records are to be considered, good judgment by the ground hog is extra indicated, as the doctors would say. Here we have it. Of the ten years, four backed the judgment of the ground hog, five went against him and one was a tie"
 As we have had more than our share of dreary skies The Age-Herald hopes for sunshine tomorrow regard less of Mir. Ground Hog.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
Building Delayed

The builders and those contracting for buildings have had an unusually trying time" said George w. Con- nors, who is erecting one of the most beautiful and expensive homes in the district on the crest of Miner Heights overlooking the city. My contractors were delayed on building material and particularly on brick and lost lot of good time during fair weather and then the wintry days with snow and sleet and rain came and building oper- ations had to be suspended They got back to work Thursday and I hope as I am anxious to spend at least a part of the summer in my new home"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
MEDEs AND PERsIANs
m the Springfield Republican.

FTLm tfie SprIng1leIu RePuDIIcHH
 The Pennsylvania Dutch have voted to ban the German language from their church services If somebody could only make the Kaiser really see what it mAere for a Pennsylvania "Dus sAnan tu
 change anything, we shoulS bare tnsm
 "out of the trenches" by ApFpeF tspse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
e3es!t1txM xM1@aastxli''.

THE sEAMY SIDE OF CAMONses .iosa' From London Punch.
 Mrs. Jenkins twhose son has hssn wounded by 8 sniper)-I calls it trs keAafy. Mrs Arris. settin' on tree f2 ps s- tendin you're . leaf.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
PERTINENT QUESTION

From the Washington Star. Trotzky is said to be worth half
 million dollars. That old New York poli- tical query, Where did you get it?' is pretty sure to turn Up in Petrograd
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
Member of the Associated Press

Member of the Associated Press
 The Age-Herald Is the only morning and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham carrying the Associated Press dis patches.
 The Associated Press is exclusively entitled to the use for republication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news published herein.
 All rights of republication of spe- cial dispatches herein are also re- served.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01

Washington bureau, POT Hibbs build ing.
 European bureau, 6 Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London.
 Eastern business office, Rooms 4S to 50, inclusive, Tribune building, New York city; western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The s. c. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for foreign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
LIMITATIONS

Shc can read page of Latin, She can tell the weight of satin, She can mention all the funny jibes Of Jerrold and of Hook; She can tell the tunes of Verdi Or a creaking dy-gurdy; But, alas, with all her learning, She has never learned to cook.
 Kalamazoo Gazette. She can dance the hesitation, Tango nightly with elation; She can bunnyhug and grizzlybear And do the walrus slide; She can dip and glide and wiggle, She can goo-goo eye and gigle, But she couldn't navigate a Carpet sweeper if she tried
 Springfield Union. She is posted in eugenics And shark at calisthenics; She is versed in every sort of lore, The sacred and the droll; She can swig dram of liquor. At pill-rolling she's a sticker, But she cannot read a time card right To save her blessed soul
 Peoria Journal. She can play bridge like master, 
 In college she could row a boat Or play golf, you can bet; For art she has a passion, But she's far behind the fashion, For she tells us that she never Learned to smoke a cigarette
 -Yonkers Statesman. She can bake bread like her mother, She can swagger like her brother. She can hike from morn till nighttime, And she never takes 8 dare; She can swim like n1ermaiden, And with lore her head is laden, But she cannot knit a sweater That soldier boy can wear.
 Houston Post. She can write a hundred letters And make forty swains her debtors, She can talk till we're about to drop And never stop to think; She's a wonder at filtration And her nerve beats all creation, But she cannot wash teacup at Her mothers kitchen sink
 A TENACIOUS PRECEDENT I'm told man paid s10 for quart of blind tiger whisky in this town yes terday,' said the reformer. Isn't that terrible?'
 Tt is, indeed" replied MT. Jagsby, with a troubled look.
 "T agree with you, my brother.' 'Yes. That's a bad example he's set ting to greedy distributors. The first thing we know. all of us will have to pay s1O for quart of liquor.''
 GIVE HIM CREDIT Of Father Adam we are fond He had his weakness to be sure, But never chased a dizzy blonde Who styled herself manicure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01

There was never yet fair woman but she made mouths in a glass.
 king Lear. < * *
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
ANOTHER WILD SCHEME

ANOTHER WILD SCHEME 'T don't believe I'll try to raise any vegetables in a window box this year. said the flat dweller. T tried that once and made a failure
 You could hardly expect to accom- plish much that way
 Quite right. But I've been thinking of putting in pair of angleworms early this spring. Do you think the family would increase rapidly enough to pro- vide me with bait this summer?'
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
THE GRAND FINALE

"Who is that quaint character you were talking to just now?'
 "An old-time theatrical man. He has travelled continuously with Uncle Tom, shows for 30 years"
 "wel! well!"
 And in that time. has contributed no little to the uplift of the drama
 Tn what way?"
 "He estimates that he has stood be. hind the scenes and helped to send lit tie Eva to heaven not less than 5O0 times.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
SECRET OF ITS POPULARITY

SECRET OF ITS POPULARITY
 What outdoor sport appeals to you
 most?"
 Baseball" said Mir. Gadspur ! 'For what particular reason?" Its the only outdoor game l know of 1 that can be played harder by a man seated in the grandstand than by the fel- low who's out on the diamond" ON GOOD BEHAVIOR
 Are grand opera singers showing as much temperament this year as for merly?" asked the wealthy patron. "No." replied the manager. Since the alien enemy act became law those of German extraction have toned down con. siderably. They act like ordinary hu, man beings now, except when they sing" STAY OUT T wish knew how to get on the right side of the stock market just once,' said the ambitious young finan- cer.
 My boy" replied the grzzled veteran, "there is only one right side to the stock market and it never changes Which side is that?' ssTha oItSido''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01

 Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second-class matter un- der act of Congress, March s, 1879. ~~~~-~J~S~-~~~~o--~~--~~>~N Daily and Sunday Herald. year $500 Daily without Sunday .......... S.OO Daily and Sunday, per month TO Daily and Sunday, three months. 200 Sunday Age-Herald, per annum.. 200 Thursdays edition, per annum .25 No communication will bs published without it's authors name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose. Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange The Age-Herald vii not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address.
 THE AGE-HERALD,
 Birmingham, Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01
A TENACIOUS PRECEDENT

GIVE HIM CREDIT Of Father Adam we are fond He had his weakness, to be sure, But never chased dizzy blonde Who styled herself a manicure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-02-01

. women fasS1 ssaakts sIossn wite mad. li Is the sR Yop dqst leSk at her.
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
THE IDLE SLAcKERs.

Il visited one Of the colored pool
rooms Of the city the other day" says
a well-known manufacturer, ito see
N ! could not secure a number Of
laborcrs needed about our shop. /
found sixty ablc-bodied men in the
place, and not one Of them was will
ing to work at a reason..ie w4.c.
Here Is serious situation. The great
majority Of the negroes Of the COM
munity are industrious and are will
ing to add their labor TO that Of
their white fellow-citizens 10 help
In winning the war by keeping the
wheels moving at home; but there
are a number-entirely too large
Nsho. while agreeing TO work for three
days Of the week. are seeking to
spend the other three days in idle
meas and play; and there are some
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11

Brims Of straw sailors are cleverly
embr erred with straw. floss or
ehenh
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
PRIEST INvENTs AIRsHIP.

(By International News Ssrvies.)
Beaver Falls. Pa. May 10.-The
Rev. T. ]. Glynn. a Catholic priest. Of
this place. has invented a large, pow
erful. triple propeller airshir. II IL
kite-shaped and much larger and more
powerful than the machine now in
use. The planes and huge body are
made entirely Of tin sheeting Of the
lightest and toughest material.
There are three large propellers. The
main propeller is mounted directly on
the shaft Of the motor; the two other
propellers are set on bracket bear
ings a few feet below on each side Of
the main propeller and are driven by
an endless chain geared to the main
motor shaft
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
EARNS IA CENTS A DAY;
HAS Wife AND BABY
And Ya This True Story Has Q
Happy Ending.

Even q Frenchmsn sometimes loses.
tor awhile at least, his -unfaiiing-
sense Of humor.
Take, for instance. the case OF q
man from Lille. q soldier. wseiteie By
name and only twenty-three. He had
lone pretty well. for the youngsser had
ilready his own printing shop In that
,orthern French town. which IL stlll In
Ilde the German lines. In the trenches
wseltele developed tuberculosis. and
be was sent to q hospital at Grenobie.
There he was considered incursble.
and after the usual three months Of
treatment he was granted his IL cents
0 day pension. Said his fatheriy army
doctor. my son. you car perhaps cure
yourself ~ you will live In the noun
tsins. " you win eat plenty Of nour-
lshing food and. above all. n you don't
worry"
Wseiteie should have smiled. but ne
sldn't He was thinking Of HE baby
and hls wIfe-and HE - cents. "oont
~orryi" The humer Of u entirely co
capped him.
Then the Req Gross stepped IN. He
was found by an American woman
with some American Red Gross money
for just such eases. and within o few
hours he no longer had need to worry.
He was sent 10 the mountains Of La
mure. IN the French Alps. happy In
the knowledge that his family was be-
Ing cared for By these amazingly Kind
Americans
And now the army Doctors words
are coming true waeltels's hung 10
healing fast. and he IL dreaming Of
smother printing shop and Of living
again some day with that little family.
There have been over 100000 new
cases OF tuberculosis In France since
the war started. and 10 care for these
cases and check the white Piagus's
spread In merely one OF the big Jobs
the American Red Gross has set out 10
accomplish.
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
PRICES UNJUsTIFIED.

Washington. May i0.-As . result
Of threats by bakers in a number Of
cities to raise the price Of bread on
the ground that substitutes for wheat
-four which they are required TO use
are more expensive than four. the
Food Administration has sent tele-
grams to State Administrators say
ing that increases in bread prices are
unjustifed. The substitutes are I'M
der regulation. the administrator
were informed. and their price shows
a marked d<pward tendency.
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
EXAMINATION MAY rs.

The Civil Service announces a
First Grade. or Clerical examination
in Hopkinsville May Is. Persons
having had ut least four years expert
ence in an industrial business or
manufacturing establishment in a
clerical or higher capacity are urged
10 enter this examination. as ex-
perieneed clerks are especially de-
sired.
Usual entrance salary 5000 to
$1,000 per annum.
For further information sec Ebert
Turner, Postoffice. Hopkinsville.
Daily Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1918-191?, 1918-05-11
PAT o'BRIEN HAS
GERMAN SECRETS.

The man who possesses secrets that
may hasten the defeat Of Germany is
due tomorrow. when Lieut.. "Pat"
O'Brien. who spent ~ days behind
the enemy's lines will arrive for his
appearance at the Hopkinsville Tab
ernacle Monday evening, May 18th,
at 8 o'clock.
"a soldier can't wander through
a country for over two months with
out picking up valuable military in
formation" says Lieut.. O'Brien.
From my hiding places during the
day | made observations and on my
night pilgrimages I investigated the
country Of the Hun and accumulated
much data that | hope will benefit
cur just cause.
my curiosity and zeal nearly
caused my recapture after | had sue
cessfully passed the charged wire bar
ricr ON the Holland border. for after
passing those deadly wires and draw
ing my first breath Of rcgained free
dom. ] noted group of soldiers
some little distance away. II was
night and | started to crawl in their
direction 10 overhear their converse
ton. had only gone a few yards
when n sentry doomed up close by
and rs fiattened out on the ground
the Hun passed within a few yards
of where | lay"
"He was on one side Of the wire
fence Of course but ] knew that
would not have made any difference.
II he had seen me he would have fred
and apologized to the Dutch after
ward"
After my experiences | will never
again condemn any story as inpossi-
bile, for II a writer or fiction or mo-
ton picture company had its prin-
cipal character shot in the mouth by
a machine gun. then crash to earth
from height Of 5000 feet and later
jump through the window Of a speed
ing train and live through II all.
they would be laughed at as picturing
the impossible. But | now fully APP
preciate that truth is stronger than
fiction for ! went through those
seeming inpossibilities and am
alive to tell the story"