East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-01-05
WILHELM ACCEPTS THRONE
OF HELL FROM SATAN'S HAND

The art of treason SO highly deVel-
oped in the Fatherland is well under
way in America. The work of our
efficient spy system covers every ao-
cursed state in the union and schools
Of treason under various names, such
as Stacker, pacifists. Peoples Council
of America l. W. W's and others, are
fast developing. 1t is now our desire
tr consolidate the various factions un-
der one banner and one leader: there
fore you win at once dispatch Herr
BENEDICT Arnold to America with a
letter of introduction 10 the Burgo-
master OF Chicago who will assign
hin rooms for general headquarters
and further establish branch offices
in Milwaukee, Cincinnati, st. Louis
and Davenport, Iowa. You win
riace At his command Il large as
signmcnt of Iron Crosses to be des-
tributed as he sees fit also the yell
low book that will give the location
OF our wireless stations and names OF
certain American officials loyal to
cur cause. Place at his demand suf-
iicient money for bribes and exercise
IIussian efficiency everywhere. 1t
shall be his special duty To look after
enc Theodore Won Roosevelt, general
of a division of ''kuh punchers." 1t
is of the utmost importance that this
man shah never set foot on the soil
cf France. Use technique. if possi
BILE, but rather than fail-ach HIM
mel! 'Schlak him on der head init
a brickstein. This is the most inn
portant part of his mission, and inn
PRESS this upon his mind. if he fails
hack to the torture chamber he goes, (
never again to be liberated. Apropos,
Her Won Satan, liberate Shakespeare's ,
imp OF infamy. Herr Won Iago and give !
him instructions to look out for men /
higher up. I dare say neither of us 4
need to give him further Instructions; .
he knows the game; he is past grand .
masteI
And now my dear friend, without
your wonderful talent
win have TO tell YOU thar the pres
ent condition of hell is insufficient
to The demands of Prussia. You must
at once proceed to Germanize every
unit in the Internal regions, Under
penalty of hitherto unknown cruel
ties, no language but German shah be
spoken. You will call your architects
and have a new annex erected for all
Future patrons from England and
America with new and modern appli-
anccse for such entertainments l deem
" orthY to all who speak rne accursed
tongue of England. The Iron Cross
should adorn the breast OF every imp
f he'll who can suggest new and eff
lient torture to the enemy of Ger
many.
The dreams of Nietzsche. Treit-
schke, Moltke. and Bismark have at
last come true. POWER! . The
81 eat force is now in the hands of
Germany to its appointed agent, The
Kaiser. who rules all things and Ger
man Kultur, will penetrate even the
darkest chamber of hell.
When England is at our feet beg {
Sing for mercy and all other nations, ;
great and small shall kiss our foot.
hen Imeprial Peace shall be univers-
Il. / shall turn all Europe over to I
NY beloved son, thee Crown Primo"
Ind place a Hohenzollern on every
hrone on earth and l. Wilhelm the
Great, viii take personal charge Of
he Internal regions while you. my
lear friend and adviser. shall he z
iwarded for the faithful interest you
iaVe taken in our behalf. We do
Ot doubt the loyalty Of the chef \
magistrate of Chicago; but mis- work h
s coarse, and we feel our cause is $
in his hands and therefore r
is abdication is in order-Here is a
he key to the city and the lake ana
he purple robe Of the Burgomaster s
$ yours. As advisors in your council n
hambe ! would suggest such we'll Il
nown schemers as Herr yon Bern z
.roff Herr Won Bcthman Hollveg. r.
lcrr won Mlch;a.ls. For constables
nd ward heelers' we suggest Won n