The Washington herald., 1918-04-08
Respect VS.. Sentiment
THE WORLDS HIGHEST PAID WOMAN WRITER
By DOROTHY DIX

I have q letter from a woman who
writes:
II am Is years old. A man whom
have known for a long time has
asked me to marry him. admire
him and respect him. and ind him
congenial and interesting as a COM
panion, but am not in love with him
in the sentimental acceptance of the
term. Do you consider respect a safe
basis to marry upon?"
I do believe that II Is. I believe
that the sane and safe marriage that
is founded upon respect has a hun
dred times the chances of happiness
that one has that is based upon mere
romance.
II is the difference between arriving
at the most important decision that
one is ever called upon to make in
life by using ones brains instead of
being guided by ones emotions. It
Is the difference between satisfying
ones real needs for life, and grattfy-
ing O passing fancy.
Moreover. that respect and suit
ability form q satisfactory basis upon
which to contract marriage is proven
by the fact that in the countries In
which matrimony is based on this
platform there is q very low per-
centage of divorce. 1t 10 America,
where marriages are based solely on
sentiment, that holds the divorce
record.
II marriage were only for the brief
span Of ones youth, or for a holiday
jaunt, one might insist upon its being
decked out in the pink chiffons of
romance. But marriage is not for a
day, but for the long pull of the
years, and for that one needs for ones
yoke mate some more substantial
quality than sentiment. One needs
faith, loyalty and strength. the things
that command ones respect, the quail
tiles that still wear when romance has
been torn to tatters.
It Is q pity that We get all of our
teaching about love from poets and
novelists, who are poor and untrust-
worthy guides for practical folk They
have exalted in romance. and made US
believe that IL we missed 1t we missed
the very flower and bloom Of life.
They have taught US that love was a
thing Of thrills and palpitations. and
hectic fevers, and that as long as we
maintain a normal pulse and temper
ature we were immune from the ten
der passions.
Why people who are ordinarily in
telligent should ever have fallen for
this sentimental bunk nobody
knows. But they have. Otherwise
rational men and women carefully
search their Systems for signs that
they have fallen in love with some
particular woman or man, and when
they find out that their hearts do
not turn dip hop in their bosoms al
the sound of the familiar footsteps,
and that their temperature does not
rise to one hundred and ten at the
sight Of the one particular one, and
that they still behold him or her as
human being instead OF an angel,
or a matinee hero, why. they decide
that they are not in love.
And they are afraid to marry the
men or women they admire, respect
and enjoy, the ones who would make
them the most admirable life part
ners. This absurd fetish of romantic
love makes thousands of men and
women lonely old bachelors and
spinsters. They are so welded to their
false God of romance that they dare
not break away and exercise a little
common sense.
They are not emotional people. No
body on earth could give them a real
thrill. They are too clear sighted not
to see women and men as they
really are without any haloes on. yet
they keep waiting for the miracle to
happen and for some impossible per-
son to como along who will cause
them to palpitate and behold visions.
The miracle never happens. Moth
ing sweeps them OF OF their sturdy
feet. They never fall in love ac-
Icording to the three volume novel
standard, and they never marry be-
cause they never realize that they
are expecting the impossible OF
themselves.
1t is no more in every man to be
a Romeo. or every woman to be a
Juliet than 1t is in time to be a
Caruso or a Sarah Bernhardt. They
are simply not built that way. but II
doesn't keep them from making the
most satisfactory husbands and wives
| Those who insist on romantic love
as the only basis for marriage ignore
the fact that 1t is the shortest-lived
OF all things on earth and the one
thing that marriage is inevitably
bound to slay. The very essense Of ro'
nance is mystery; something vague
and intangible about which one spec
ulates and dreams; something thai
one only approaches in ones moods
Of exaltation.
The minute you domesticate ro
nance it fades away like a dew droI
| in the sun No man can be romantic
about the woman he faces thre,
times a day across the dining table
and whom he sees in negligees o
dress and temper. No woman cal
be romantic about a husband whom
she beholds unshaven and asleeI
with his mouth open. and will
whom she squabbles about the bill
and street car fare.
1t does not take long for romano,
1