davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
Kaiser Bilhe1n1
Supergoof, Not
God, Says Bugs
Potsdam Guy Has Absorbed
Too Much Superbunk
Is All.
BY ARTHUR CeUGs") HAER.

These are the days of supermen who
think that all mustachios should be
aimed for the sky like a hatrack crazy
with the heat. These are times of
superguns that shoot a thousand miles
around corners, over transoms, through
revolving doors and finally blow you
loose from your diamond stickpin that
You haven't paid all the instruments on.
This is the era of supersubmarines
which gallop across the ocean, torpedo
non combatants and get away without
leaving any thumbprints for Uncle
Sans marine cops to work on.
With everything Hopping into the
super class we might as we'll take one
OF those super excursions ourselves.
Why not supermoths which will flutter
over the Atlantic and eat all the Clown
Princes uniforms? Why not lombard
the kaiser's gray gorillas with super
bunlons which will fix their feet so
they can't march? Why not supercan
openers to open the gray gorillas' tin
hats and pull 'em out like picked
onions?> If the works are going super
Billhelm has himself so oiled up with
superbunk that he thinks he is a
stpergod. AS n matter of fact. Car
Nicky's cousin Willy is only a super
goof. And when he started to steer
the world by the ears he opened the
wrong berry.
But at that he slipped us good idea
with his superjazz. Why shouldn't
Americans gyrate around superishly
also Restaurants might furnish super
soupspoons which would contain eight
gurgles to the spoon instead of only one
or two. 4 superspoon equipped with
two sets of acoustics would go long
way toward filling the gap left by the
ahsconding of the Hawaiian orchestras
which had to liQuidate when Hoover
| refused EN- permission to wear their
shredded biscuit costumes on wheatless
Tuesday.
A superchewing gum slot machine
| that wouldn't absorb your supercent
and reward you with shrieks OF silence
and no superchewing gum would do
| its bit toward untangling the super
cost of living. \ supertango hound
who wouldn't try to see the aurora
borealis on a one candle power in
| come would also help.
But the real darb would be a super
| flivver which would run as we'll on the
turf as it does in the catalogue. Which
| rnight be expecting too much even in
Il world of supermen and supersoup-
spoons. But what we would like to
| lamp is a supercitizen who looks As
4 s,, h, ir1
who could earn as many superbonnets
as superwife wants would certainly
| make the old vale of sorrow and
! wrinkles a valley Of joy and double
ohins. Every apartment house has a
Superintendent who doesn't superin.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
Travellers Given Book
TC Use Against Tale Bearers.

You lie. and you know YOU lie, and
you lie for the very love and lust of
lying"
How do l know? The book saws
So"
The Knights of the Grip have been
fortified against the untruths of the
h"iSers agents by the Committee on
lnphc Information, which has given
them n little book published especially
tor tn" commercial travellers of Amer
lea and containing 101 German lies
ard the truth.
These lies are all catalogued, mum =
h'r"d and answered. Thus if a travel
ing man hears someone saying that the
hl'cd states is going to starve all
PERSONS who signed the food pledge we
can can the speaker a lier and then
TURN t" II" number 81 and read the fol-
lowing:
'Ihu not worry. Just so long as there
Is ROOD in tn" world the United States
VIII G't its share of it, and the gov
eminent isn't going to starve anyone.
l1"pagANda by pro Germans that's
IaIl"
Ih"r" are all sorts of lies contained
H. IN" booklet and there are some that
would make old Anunias feel ashamed
OF himself.
The Committee on Public Informal
'lon has realized that the commercial
EAN"lrr comes in contact with many
lalSohoodS and has given them this
opportunity to deal Il blow to the kais-
rs forces in America.
Some Of the lies seem utterly alb
Surd bat there will be found people
who Will readily believe them. For In
stance. look at Lie No. that Joseph
FUmulty, secretary to President Will
son, was found guilty of treason at
tort l-"avonW orth, stood M against a
wall and shot.
The denial -''Sccrctarv Tumulty. in
ali official communication, has nailed
TN" as lie without any foundation. -
| Thus the drummors will first have
| |" whip out their little books to lool,
up the lies when they hear oues-
| h"nRhie utteranCe, but later on they
| VIII become adept at detecting the
| Ir"Varicators and will be able to nick
| ont any one lie from the whole cate
| gory and nail it down.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
THE HORSES RED CROSS.

In He great war, owing to the
present day advance in transport
tation, most Of Us are inclined to
believe that the horse doesn't
amount to much, We see in the
illustrated newspapers, the mag
azines and the movies pictures Of
long lines of prodigjnuS motor
trucks slowly ploughing toward
the front, or following in the
wake Of thousands Of marching
troops.
Yet the horse is very impur-
tant there. He is giving. a. arc
the human beings who are bat.
Ting for democracy, his best
blood for the cause he knows
nothing Of. And to make his Ioi
a little better. there has been
established an organization called
the Red Star, the Red Cross Of the
horse.
This organization has for It's
purpose the giving Of orguniZrl
aid 10 injured animals in lie war.
1t has received the hcartirst an
proyal Of all The allied govern
ments i'll the war, and ii is doing
lis work well. Recent reports
which have been issued by The
society give some idea of the
amount Of work which the horse
Is doing to help win the war.
In the first seven months OF
1917, the value Of the horses sent
from this country To Europe was
$50. 1921 1873. For the month OF
July alone, the amount was ST.
81 POP. OF the horses awaiting
shipment, says the report, $4,000
lave died in this country, Will,
6,OOO more have died during tho
voyages across.
Americas army of $500, OOl
men will require $1,000 horses t,
begin with, and shipload afteI
shipload must be sent later {,
make up for losses. The tota
pecd will exceed, il is said, 1900,
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
WATCH YOUR TONGUE.

We would remind scvcra
|loosc-iongued people of the com
|munity Of a few maXims Of pu-
blius Syrus, a very wise citizen OF
|ancicnt times.
81 have often regretted my
speech. never my silence"
keep the golden mean be-
tween saying too much and say
ing too little"
ale knows not when to he ST.
lent who knows not when to
speak"
speech is the mirror Of the
soul; as man speaks, so is he. y
''Let the fool hold his tongue
and he will pass as a sage"
These are times for the sitting
out Of speech. Let there be due
caution lest the results be I'M
pleasant for those who frame
charges Of disloyaIly for The pur-
pose OF running the business and
careers Of innocent people and
blasting the names Of worthy citi-
ZcnS.
There will be full investigation
Of this contemplate work and the
authors of it may be assured in
advance that they will get all that
is coming to them, which may be
much more than they anticipated
at the outset,
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
Talk Of the Tour,
Oh, Well, He's Better
"Posted' Now,

JACK Ashbrook, suave and polished
as ever, leaned over the desk at the
Florence hotel and smiled on the tran
silent.
Yes, sir what can ] do for your" he
asked.
II wish" said the man, "that Won
would get the Butte Post on the tele-
phone for me-
Just then someone else asked Jack n
question. Then someone else wanted
TO know If No 3 was on time. Jack
went to the phone and called long dis
lance. Then, turning to the transient.
he said:
Where Is the Butte Post printed I?
In Anaconda"
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11

tend as much as he superdoesn' tintend.
But taking the Imperial Supergoof
of Potsdam. his supermen and dozen
Of the best supersoupspubns guaranteed
to last as long as the honeymoon. toss
irg in few superbunions and a yard OF
old shoes, mixing 'em up with a bat
terry of superguns and a flotilla OF
supercollar buttons, tossing the hash
into superadding machine and turn
ing the handle twice. the result in
ferns us that instead of being super
men we are merely supernumeraries
1t takes a lot Of supers to put on a
hippodrome. There is only one duke
III each show and the rest of us have to
be the merry villagers.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
Big Flour Reserve
Disclosed by Montananas.

SIX hundred thousand pounds of sur
plus wheat flour has been located in
Montana by Alfred Atkinson, state food
administrator, through patriotic Mon
tana men and women. All of this
flour Is available in event Of a short
age when it will be turned back on the
market
r. Il. Bowden, publicity representa- =
tive of the state food administration.
disclosed this fact yesterday in dis
cussing the loyalty of the people and
press Of the state.
Not long ago Mr.. Atkinson Inserted
in the country papers Of the state a
notice asking all persons holding more
than a @0-days' supply of flour to re-
port the amount to the food admins =
tration," said Mr.. Bowden. since
then letters have been coming in at the
rate OF $50 n day, each reporting n
substantial amount OF surplus flour.
I'm other states the administrators
have been sitting up nights to devise a
means of locating surplus stocks.
Here the people have volunteered the
information, so that Mr.. Atkinson
n"'"" ''SHt "heIe 70 go IN case OF
shortage"
Montana newspapers led the United
states last month in the amount of
space given to the food administration
said Mr.. Eowdcn. The Montana Farm
or, an agricultural paper published in
Great Falls. printed more food admin
istration news matter last month than
any other pauer in tho limited Statae
Mr.. Bowden was in Missoua from
his Bozcman headquarters to attend a
meeting of hotel men here.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
This Is the Way They Earn
Thrift Stamps in Gallatin.

The Montfortn Times, a weekly pub
LEGATION issued by the pupils Of a rura
school in the Gallatin valley, carrie.
many clever features originated by The
students. One of these is a poem en-.
titled "A Thrift Stamp Ballad" com.
posed by Helen Robinson, 11-year- ole
daughter of Mr.. and Mrs. Lester +
Robinson Of the Gallatin valley, ant
granddaughter Of Mrs. Harriet l.. Kin
noy of this city. The young author
says:
'oh, how can | earn some money,
Mother, mother mine?
Oh. how can earn some money
To buy a Thrift Stamp fine?"
on you can feed the chickens,
Daughter. daughter mine.
ON YOU can feed the chickens
To earn a Thrift Stamp fine
oh, how can | earn some money
Father, father mine?
Oh how can earn some money
To buy a Thrift Stamp fine?"
"Oh, you can split some kindllng
Son, oh. son of mine.
on you can split some kindling
And go and milk the l1ine.''
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
Bible Printed by Hand
in "a Years

After several years of laborious
W"rk accomplished at odd moments, a
Nohtreal man has completed a pen
printed bible The task was begun in
io'4 ana concluded a short time ago,
says fopniar Mechanics. One thou
saia' nine hundred and eighty seven
sh.- eased pages are contained in the
ieathef bound volume, which is IL | =
py 10 by 4 inches in dimensions. 1t is
rather interesting fact, also, that the
DOCK bears silent evidence of the world
war. More than half of it was un-
finished in August, 1914. War condi-
tons thereafter made it impossible Ia
obtain paper of the same quality as
that previously used. Therefore tn,
last part of the book is Oh stock pane,
THAT has 4 slight yelloWish tinge.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
MORE SPEED NEEDED.

The cheerful oplimists Of the
administration, including, cspe-
clally, George Crccl Of the b,l-
rcau of public information, got a
jolt between the ribs yesterday
when the senate committee on
military affairs returned its re-
port on the condition of the air
service.
The ma Ority report of that
committee declares the existing
status Of The aviation program to
be gravely disappointing, and rec
ommcnds that the signal corps be
'dcprlVcd of further responsible
|ity in this branch of the war
service. We do not see how the
administration can succeed in
charging This criticism to part
san politics, since the Democrats
are in control of the senate and
its committees.
The time is fast arriving, we
think, when the American people,
as a whole, will be fully awak-
cncd to the very scriOns delay in
The aviation and shipping pro
grams. One does not have 10 be a
cheerful optimiet to be patriotic
and honest, nor is constructive
|crltlclsm, such as is contained in
the military committees report
ON The air service, to be construed
as anything bat necessary duty
|ot senators who are concerned in
the winning Of this war, and who
are charged with high RESPONSE
bIIitN by their constituents.
1t occurs to us that the presi-
dent, by adopting the plain, com
mon sense method Of securing the
most efficient aid to his adminjs-
tratlon, regardless Of political 0r-
lIIlAtlon~. or indeed, ANYTHING
else, will most easily and quick
~ convince the people thai eff
cheney alone is the thing sought
for
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
rs Years Ago
What Missoula Was Doing
on This Date in 1898.

IL. w. Mclaughlin, Democrat, was
elected mayor in the election held yes
terday. The aldermen elected are:
Dwight Harding, Republican from the
first ward and Crlin, Green and
Houtchins, Democrats, respectively
from the second, third and fourth
wards.
J. IL. T. Ryman, of the Western Mon
tana National bank, returned yesterday
from a pleasant visit to Marcus Days
ranch at Riverside.
Bill Nye lectured to a mediocre audi
ence last evening at the opera house
under the auspices of the knights OF
Pythias Of this city. Nye got the re.
[ ceipts and the knights the auspices.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
New American Chimney
Highest in World

The completion a short time ago of
ia chimney 81 feet high in Tacoma.
Wash transfers the title of the world 5
tallest chimney from Japan TO Ameri-
ca. The structure. which in respect
to height held the worlds record until
recently, was the 57o-foot chimney at
Sagonoseki. Japan, says Po0lar Me-
chanics. While that giant flue is of
reinforced concrete, the one surprising
it by so narrow a margin is of brick.
The big Tacoma vent, like its rival in
the orient, is part of a smelling plant
and the reason for rearing it to such
great height is to prevent the fumes
discharged by it from harming vege-
tation. particularly in a park close at
hand.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
THURSDAY, APRIL II, 1918.
A TINE FOR ACTION.

We wish to advise our farmers.
our business men. the commercial
interests of western Montana and
our citizens generally, of very
serious situation, for the relief Of
which each must take a personal
responsibility. Unless we put our
shoulders to the wheel unitcdly
to mend this condition, heavy
permanent injury will result to all
interests concerned.
We refer to the vital need Of an
increased acreage Of sugar hects,
and we say frankly, that unless
immediate interest is aroused,
followed by quick action, every
thing that has been done to build
up a big, new industry in this To-
cality may be lost. There is no
exaggeration in this statement.
Conditions have reached crisis
where the farmers of western
Montana must respond to the gov
ernment's demand for more sugar
and If they fail they will stand
exposed to the scycrest criticism.
We say that without reserve be-
cause the Great Western Sugar
company has fixed price OF SO
a ton for sugar beets that should
net the farmer large returns. THIS
was fixed at the request of the
government for the sole purpose
OF increasing the supply Of sugar
fer our allies and ourselves. TO
go farther, the company stands
ready to aid the farmer in every
way in furnishing labor, and in
instructing him as to The best
methods of growing bcets, to use
their full resources toward in
creasing the supply Of sugar.
The farmer is not asked to plant
his whole farm to bccts, but only
such acreage as he can handle
profitably, which means five, ten,
or fifteen acres. The factory at
Missoula can handle the produc-
ton Of 10000 acres OF bcets, but
the contracted acreage, so far, is
but 1000 acres of which 1000
acres belong to the company's
own farms.
Now then, it is patriotic duty
for the business and agricultural
interests, and all citizens who are
interested in winning this war to
get together in q driving cam
paign to increase the beet prod
This is .seanatter- of the-most vital
importance to the development Of
net. This is a matter Of the most
vital importance to the develop
ment oil our own community.
1t is a subject that concerns
the personal welfare Of every
one Of Us. If neglect or fail
ure on our part to do our full
duty should result inrthe removal
OF the sugar plant from Missoula
to a territory where The people
are more philosophical and pa
triotic, we may just as we'll sit
back and say "farcwcll' to the
coming of other large industrial
projects for this community. This
is the situation, told as bluntly as
we can tell it. 1t is a condition
and not a theory, and it is not
exaggerated Let us get busy
without delay.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
1000 year under fighting condi-

900 a year under fighting condi-
tens.
Germany lacks horses, it is de-
clared. and this is illustrated by
the fact that in nine weeks before
the great drive began, the leu
tons lost 1872 field and heavy guns
to the British, while the British
lost none.
The work of the organization
moi only is being well done, but il
is an eminently necessary task.
And TO carry it on successfully
requires money--thc sinews Of
war The response in Missoula
should he q hearty one.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11
No Ordinary Curses
Fit TX. p" Duty, Anyhow.

1t was at Camp Kearny. A soldier
had just been assigned to kitchen po-
lice, about as mean a job as the top
sergeant could have found for him.
He walked into the Y. NJ. c. A. build
ing and he stopped to read the sign
that stared him in the face. If You
Must Swear, Write It." Then he went
to the counter and said to the secre-
tary. Give me about 80 sheets of paper,
I'm real angry" z--
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11

Pork is so high that the swine
must have eaten the pearls some fool
cast before them.-Memphis CONNER
cial Appeal
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-11

Belief that there are as good fish in
the sea as ever. We're caught Is POOR
consolation when we've lost our bait.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02

Military watches, Ame rican and
Swiss movements, ranging in price
from $14 to $32. Get 20 urs now at
Porter's. Our store will be lighted
by our w plant every evening.
Lost. Auto tire casing, 34x4, with
rim. Leave at KRISTEN Tire Shop.
Reward.-T. L.. Thompson.
Lost. Bunch of keys. Return to
Geo. j. Simpson.
House for Rent, close INV. H.
Aldrich.
See our Saturday specials, now
waists and skirts.-Miss Morse.
Louis Roche, of Fargo, N. D., was
an arrival by a morning train and
will remain in the city a w eek or two.
Wanted. Good cook at Burress'
Cafe, Carthage, S. ID. w oman pre-
ferred. Wages $50 per m onth. Ad-
dress G.. w. Burress, Carthage, s. ID.
Application blanks TO r student
nurse reserve are here. All girls
who have enrolled please call at Por-
ter's drug store Saturday Mr.. l.. -.
Atherton.
Mrs. Oscar Murray, of Chicago, 4
former Madison resident, arrived by
a morning train from Bro okings and
will remain in the city a few days
calling on friends.
A. r. HOLSTER, the we'll known
travelling salesman of druggists sup
plies, has taken a Temporal ry position
in j. c. Schutz's drug st ore with a
view of making il permanent.
Mrs. Geo. w. Clemens, who accom-
panied the remains of her late hus-
band to Sioux City for burial, plans
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02
LOCAL NEWS.
lat at Jacks.

Eat at Jacks.
Broken Lenses accurately dupli-
Gated while you wait. Eyes exam
ined and frames fitted.-Yaeger'a
Optical Parlor.
For Rent. New cottage at chau-
tauqua grounds.-Phone 1852.
Take her to Herne's for that cold
drink.
Eat at Jacks.
For Rent. Two light housekeeping
rooms Phone 1879.
Eat at Jacks.
For Rent. Cottage at lake with
garage.-Earle Kelley.
Girl wanted for general house
work. Inquire at this office.
Have you seen those military
watches at Porter's.
For Sale or Rent. Modern eight
room house on the corner east of the
Methodist church. Only two blocks
from the heart of the town. For
terms, call on A. w. Sponholz.
For Sale. j. l.. Case separator, So
by So. Been run three falls. Nichols
& Sheppard % horsepower engine
w. II. Sherwood. Phone 3774.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02
IMPORTANT 4

The Lake county exemption board
has received orders from the war de-
partment to report to that depart
ment the name and rank Of every en-
listed soldier In whatever branch he
may be serving from Lake county.
The board has no such record In
hand. Therefore, 1t would be deem
ed a patriotic service II relatives and
friends of enlisted men from Lake
county would report their names to
the exemption board at the earliest
possible moment. A. Johnson.
Chairman.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02

Statesmen Wanted. To represent
us selling all kinds of nursery stock
in your vicinity. A good opportunity
to make from 500 to $50 per
month, pay weekly. No experience
necessary. If interested write l.. L.
May & Company, N~urserymen, st.
Paul, Mimi, for particulars.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02
CARD OF

We desire by this method to ex-
tend U sincere thanks to friends
and neighbors for the many kind
nesses shown III in our bereavement.
death OF husband and father.-Mrs.
Elizabeth Tfbbetts. Betty Tibbetts.
Frank Tibbetts, John Tibbetts.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02
GARD or

We desire to extend our sincere
thanks to friends and neighbors for
the many kindnesses shown us in our
bereavement. death Of husband and
brother.-Mrs. Henry Farrand. A. L.
Fnrrand, Geo. Tarrand.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02

Boys Wanted. We need the serv-
ices of a number of grammar school
boys for permanent part-time work.
The boys W. select win be well paid
and given an opportunity to earn,
learn and advance. Apply to +. J.
Pfeiffer, 118 Egan avenue S.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-08-02
THE CITY.

- - = = =
Fair tonight and Saturday:
cooler Saturday west portion and
extreme west portion tonight.
= - - - - - -