French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1916-1919, 1918-03-21
Mr., SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
Rv ROBERT

lCdl0 II q
Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor during the
Civil War and had died brayely on the
: field Of action Mr.. Simpkins' throat
ached now for two reasons: First, he
r~everenced and adored the memory OF
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
go to war himself. And as he observed
the martial. bearing and uncomprom1s-
ing gaze Of Colonel Simpklns he saw,
In Imagination, the KHAKI! clad lads OF
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles OF sea to
fight, maybe die, for liberty.
Mr.. Simpkins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for a salute
But his equity shoulder twinged, n he
groaneG He couldn't even salute.
damn! =" said Mr.. Simpkins, and
with his other hand fiercely twirled his
white m~ustachiOs.
He turned and Iimped into the IL
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
feet of taxes ever since he had discOv-
cred that the more income a man has
the greater the percentage of 1t he
pays in taxes. He could think Of sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
ried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half of his, they would pay only q
small fraction of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filling in the information
that it asked for.
AS MI. Simpkins' income was SIS, 900
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each of the successive smaller
classes of incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes, that is, single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up is follows:
First, they pay 2 per cent. (under
the 1916 law on all income over
$4,000, deducting 5000 for each of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpkins' case this was $212, which he
put down in the payable" column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law, married men pay All additional 2
per cent. on all over $2,OOO-with the
same allowance for children. This
added 1852 to his payable" column.
He theu observed that for every
$1,000 jump in his income over $1,000
he had to pay a Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden.
And on top of all this came an Eek
cess Profits" tax of 8 per cent. on all
Occupation" income over $4,000, max
ing $72O more.
The total, then, he must pay was four
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Whew!" exclaimed Mr.. Simpkins
apgrily. "There's young Henry Viii
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $4,000 and he doesn't pay a
cent. of taxes. 1 guess this is his war
as we'll as mine!"
Thinking of young Henry Wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs. Wilkins went
every afternoon to make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who.
was a lawyer, was aiding the Local
Draft Board with its missionaries.
"Well," he admitted to himself,
"that makes a difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough-
by, whose income was about $4,000.
He only pays $780," commented Mr..
Simpkins, not quite so angrily this
time; and then a thought struck him
and he sat up rigidly in his chair.
Judge WillOughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when it was
summarized with the loss of two hun
dred soldiers
Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America" mUttered Mr.. Simpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands.
For a long time Mr.. Simpkins sat
very still in that position. There was
no sound in~the library except the
ticking Of the tall clock and an occa-
siona1 'tril1 Of laughter from the chill
dren skylarking upstairs. -Yhe square
of light on the carpet gradually with
drew itself through the window, and
first twilight and then darkness settled
in about the quiet, white haired, some
times irascible' cid man.
Mr.. Simpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
of, he was. thinking things that were
too sacred yer to be put into words.
But some inkling of his thoughts may
be- found in his retoinder to Mrs.
Simpkins when that placid lady came
in and turned on the lights, and asked
him whether he was ready for dinner.
Judge WiIfoughby's only son was
worth as much as fourteen hundred