The Washington herald., 1918-02-13

HoWIC.
He was a very hardheatred man.
He sat and listened to his wife's
tale Of woe in just the same attitude
that he would sit and look at a COM
edy picture. e.
Her tears failed to move him. He
didn't even vince when she showed
the court a great big bruise on her
arm. caused by a blow from his heavy
fist.
When she told how he had come
home drunk and beat her until she
was unconscious. he almost laughed.
oh yes, he was a hero, ESQ he
thought when he took her by the
neck. tore of her cheap necklace and
blackened her eye-just because she
argued with a peddIar.
But-when the court got hold OF
him, he changed his tune.
He "sobered'' up and began to look
rather serious. The court told him
enough in one minute to last the rest
of his life.
He was no account, 1t said-he was
a meanace to the community-he was
as cruel almost as a German-he
wasn't fit to be running loose with
human beings.
Well, he won't be loose-not for
some time. He has got four long
months to serve.
And when the court pronounced
sentence, Moses Kilmartin gave the
Judge, his wife-in fact everybody in
sight-a very black look.
Trouble. Trouble, Trouble.
"Jedge, All moved FUN North
Ca'lina ter git outa trouble. En-
now All am in noah trouble dan All
was at fust."
well, If you had let this Baltimore
whiskey alone" said the court to
Harry Sparks. charged with assault
ing Ben Fields. you would still be
out Of trouble
The whole trouble grew out Of Ben's
offering Harry a drink. The latter in
sisted on drinking up the whole bot
tie.
Several times Ben asked him to let
up and hand back the bottle.
There was such an Improvement in
the taste of Baltimore booze over the
moonshine variety that Harry was
used to that he just wouldn't let go.
Ben worried him so bauot the bot
tie that Harry got mad.
He picked up a fence rail and
damned Ben good. Ben's new derby
was busted and his teeth Jared loose,
The only thing the court could dc
was to fine Harry so which he didn't
have. He went to Jail in default
Too Quick for Quirk.
"Jedge. all All did was to tell dat
man dat he had better git ready fob
de Judgment Day.
You mean to tell me-" said the
court to Elmer Messenger, charged
with making threats to Ed Quirk
that Quirk had you arrested just for
saying that?"
"Yassir." answered Elmer. Dat man
is mean enough to hab mis- grandfather
arrested for bein' his grandfather"
'Tain't dat at all Jedge," spoke VI
Ed. Dat man tole me to go git mah-
self a life insurance policy. He tole
me dat All was gwine to cross de Rib
Der Jordan d quick"
These two boys were talking reli-
gion at first. Then the conversation
drifted to an old difference.
Elmer. who had been bested in the
argument that followed, attempted to
scare Ed with a threat to murder.
And as Ed is not quite through pay
ing for a liberty bond it is easy to
see that he wasn't prepared to turn
up his toes.
The court told Elmer to furnish 8
500 real estate bond to keep the peace
or go to Jail for sixty days.
You Can Never Guess the Girls.
Once upon a time somebody said
that it was perfectly safe to stand
in front OF woman who was
throwing things and very danger
Gus to be in the rear.
But times have changed. Eph-
rain Cooper can vouch for that.
Eph was walking up Sixth street
the other day. There was one
woman walking in front of him an6
another behind him.
Both of these women seemed to
be in an awful hurry.
Like a bolt out of the blue, a
brick suddenly bounced off Eph's
head. The woamn behind him hol,
lored.
why doncher git outen de way
wen All am thowing bricks" de-
manded Sarah Mahoney the lady
missile thrower.
why doncher thow whar 20 is
lookin' said Eph angrily.
Then Eph and Sarah fought it out
All the while Sarah was trying to
tell him that she was aiming al
the woman in front.
1t was very rude for a gentlemen
to fight a lady in the street, the
court told Eph, even if she did hit
him with a brick.
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