davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
LUKE M,LUKE SAYS

An authority claims that men have
better figures than women. Maybe. But
you never saw anybody get excited when
a man leaves his shirt open so people
can see his chest did you? Neither did
we.
A man doesn't mind admitting that he
can't spell But it certainly humiliates
him to have to admit that he can't
swim.
Another funny thing is that when a
man tells you that his 2-year-old son
has more sense than he has he is afraid
you won't believe it.
There are all sorts of people in the
world, including the man who is known
as his wife's husband
Some mea are SO stingy that when they
happen to dream about giving away
money when they are asleep they are
nervous wrecks when they wake up in
the morning.
A man has to measure his years by the
number of his birthdays. But it is diff
ferent with a woman.
The reason why girl likes to have the
kind of legs that do not take up much
room in her skirt is because goldfish
gets mad every time he gets wet
The rich have trouble Just the same as
the poor. A $40 umbrella has as many
ups and downs as a accent one.
When there are four or five in the fam
lily father has to hang his hat and coat
on chair. There is never any room on
the hall rack
Some men will drop nickel in the col
lection plate on Sunday and imagine that
the cents worth of religion will las,
them all week.
Treat some girls with common polite
ness and they will act as though they
had an option on you
Half dozen can't live as cheaply as
one. But bridegroom never looks that
far ahead
man has to be pretty doggone sick
| before he will take castor oil. And YET
he will want to kill the children because
/ they do not take the stun cheerfully
when he prescribes. it for them.
| woman can have four pairs of scs
sors on her lap when she is sewing. But
that won't keep her from biting thu
| thread
! If your next door neighbor starts int
| learn the cornet you should not shoe
him. You should start in and learn Il
play the trombone.
| The cook doesn't get many kisses ii
tho homes whore friend wife can't afforS
to hire cook.
( a na,sc car understand ne this Is tha'
/ a wonkn does But hi ASxsr under
stands fhy the HEX wor PIT ace OF
bath tofels.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
AND ELSEWHERE


DR.. George w. Macon of Howard col
lege gave wonderful address, before
the Psychology club of birmingham re-
GENTLY said Mrs. A. III. Olive.
Mr. Macon is one of the most
thoughtful students in the state and
is thoroughly up on the literature of
psychology besides being an original
thinker. The Psychology club is com
posed of some of the brightest women
in the district, and the mere fact that
they meet to study the subject evil
dences the fact that they realize that
it can be made helpful in forming
ideals of conduct DR.. Macon showed
just how group of serious minded
women could by thorough under
standing Of the question make theis
daily lives broader and fuller.
ITO most people the subject is of
small interest and seems far removed
from life, but those who had the priyi-
lege of hearing Or. Macon were made
to see how psychology becomes the
true interpreter of it,"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
Theatregoers Not
Tired of Shakespeare

r IP to forty or fifty years ago
" everybody who found interest
in the theatre went to see Shake
speare's plays. If the "star" was OF
the first rank, so much the better,
but even when company little above
mediocrity presented any one of the
tragedies it could count on house
of fair size. In those days many fine
plays were on the boards, but
Shakespeare had the greatest draw
ing power.
After the modern drama-problem
plays and the like-got a hold on the
people, the box office reported a fall
ing off when Shakespearean bill
was offered. In recent years people
began to say that Shakespeare had
been relegated to the library; that his
plays were no longer popular on the
stage. There may have been some
thing in this SO far as mediocre per-
formances went. But it is hoped the
time will never come when the worlds
immortal dramatist will be crowded
out of the theatre.
1t is plain, at any rate, that such q
time has not come. Robert B. Man
tell is always good for capacity
house ON a one-night stand; but this
season he is drawing. full houses in
his Shakespearean repertoire cover
ling week in each important city.
He was greeted by crowds in Bir-
mingham and has fe7r 8 sFeeted in
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

tional schools Of today, undenomina-
tional in it's cultural activities. 1t is
co-educational college and is doing
a. most beneficent work in training
young men and young women for the
serious responsibilities of life. It is
distinctly an Alabama institution, but
students come from various states,
and its influence is to that extent
nationwide.
When Birmingham raises the sum
proposed the rest Of the state will
raise a similar amount; and 100000
will be none too much to expect.
Prominent citizens, regardless of de-
nominational ties, are giving hearty
support to the campaign. They appre-
ciate the Importance of increasing
Birmingham influence as an educa-
tional center, and the way to make the
city what it should be in that respect
is to provide ample funds.
From any point of view every dol
lar contributed to Howard will be a
dollar well invested.
Campaigns to raise money for war
necessities come close upon each
other. Birmingham has led all the
cities of the south in generous
achievement. In every instance Bir-
mingham has gone cover the top, !"
and it should be that way in this
canvass for old Howard.
College-bred men are rendering the
government valuable service and after
the war they will be in constant de-
mand for material and spiritual up
building.
All large enterprises requiring the
use Of building supplies, considerable
expenditure of cash and the employ
ment of labor, not essential to the
winning of the war, are to be kept
in allegiance. The government has
asked that it be so. But at the same
time President Wilson calls upon the
colleges to 60 forward rather than
stand still.
The friends Of Howard, therefore,
are performing a patriotic duty in
their present canvass; and as the sub
scriptions to the proposed fund may
be made to cover period of five
years, the work of the soliciting
steams" should be all the easier.
With Birmingham's characteristic en-
thusiasm $15O,OOO should soon be in
sight.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

About two weeks ago the -four minute
men" were called together and Chair
man Crittenden placed before us the ur-
gent call of the government for more men
to build more ships.
We listened to a model speech by DR..
Edmonds which was later printed in The
Age-Herald and for quite awhile we
have all been busy speaking at the thea
tres, movies and churches trying to
awaken the public to the fact that the
German submarines were sinking ships
faster than they were being built and
that the pressing problem was to get
3S6.o0o men to work in the shipyards.
You know, fear that just because our
minds are bewildered by so many appeals,
and each special ono crying out that it
Is the vital one, that the public is in the
condition that certain people get in who
make specially of attending revivals.
For awhile they are stirred but not
enough to act on their impulses, and they
keep putting off the day of decision until
the evangelist goes away, and another
comes, and he delivers his message and
departs, and leaves them revival
proof" Preachers will know what / am
talking about.
We are in danger of getting hardened
against doing the thing we should just
because it is so continually dinned into
our ears I might as well so on and say
there are other revival lovers who ca
gerly await the coming of every special
meeting for they long to have their emo
tons wrought upon, and as long as they
are under the spell of the revivalist they
enjoy a religious spree, but when the
excitement wanes and they are called
upon to stand by their church they so
Der up and refuse to go to work.
We have heard so many warnings that
when man like Edward Russell comes
along and blurts out naked facts we
rather wish he would put on the ysott
pedal" and not disturb our slumber. for
we have heard the cry of wolf so often
that We are no longer frightened, and
prefer to yawn and turn over and say:
That's all right; let him come, who
cares?"
/ was talking to Joe Loveman Friday
morning. and he said: DIR. Barnett, the
people are asleep, and they won't believe
us when we give them the real facts. Do
your best and try apS wake them up.
Don't let them get Inc idea that internal
trouble in Germany is going to end the
war Drive it into your readers and your
hearers that we are in life and death
struggle and must do our dead level best
land not count on our enemies quitting
Peace will come only when we make
Them cry for it,
|. The men who are close to the govern
tment do not have the optimism that some
iof our pacifists, or peace-at-any-pIice
tcitizens have They know how seriously
tthe responsible men view the situation
Il bslisys thAt IL the peopls knew the in.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

roll now, then wait until called to work
at shipyards. Important that you men
ton local office of United States public
service reserve of department of labor,
and also office Of state council OF de-
fensc where men should go personally to
be enrolled. If no local enrolment office
please carry news in your story that men
desiring to enroll can write direct to me
at Washington, giving their name, adj
dress and occupation i will advise
every man who writes me how to en-
roll. EDWARD N. HURLEY,
chairman United States Shipping
Board''
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

side situation with respect to the urgent
cry for ships that they would rise as a
unit in supplying the crucial need The
war will turn to our advantage when
we put every ounce Of our strength into
launching new bottoms to carry men and
munitions to Europe.
Get this There are 5000 miles of deep
water between our men. our food our
guns, our airplanes and the front. That
is the physical difficulty. Now in the
one thing is sure, that with the present
status Of the flying machines it cannot
be won until we build the ships to get
them lover there" Germany knows these
facts as well as we do. and she isn't
waiting but it straining every means to
get decision before we can get relief
ito our allies
Sure, we are making giant strides, bit
America must Guido itself to smash the
hopes of the Kaiser. It's our ships
against his submarines. We have got
dogs faster than they can devour them,
and when they come to the top for air
we have got to be ready to crack them
over the head We must break Germany's
strange hold on the allied shipping. We
can do it and we will.
What are we doing? Listen and I'll
tell you: One hundred and fourteen ship
yards already organized; 1887 ships, with
8,500,0O0 tonnage, already under construc-
ton. This is going some when we re-
member that we first had to create the
shipyards for building transport and car
go ships We have built "A rev yards.
But 1t will take 100000 tons of shipping
capacity to get the men across, or l2sO
ships as big as the largest ocean liners.
In addition. every time we land man on
the other side it takes so pounds Of ship
capacity day to keep him supplied with
food, clothing and ammunition.
We have not only got to have ships 20
get men over there, and more ships to set
supplies to them, but we have got to
scour the seas in other bottoms to bring
back raw material needed by our great
Industries. Ores from South America.
New Caledonia. India. Pyrites from
Spain, wool from Australia, sugar from
Cuba and Porto Rico, hemp from the
Philippines. besides great quantities OF
hides. coffee. fresh meat and the like
from our South sAmerican cousins. Oh, it
takes ships. and that is the reason Ed
ward N. Hurley, chairman United States
shipping board. wired The Age-Herald
urging it to use its every effort to arouse
the public
Here is his message:
washington. February Z, 1918.
City Editor Age-Herald. Birmingham.
| "You can render great patriotic service
Ito the United States shipping board by
getting daily story on four-minute men
drive for enrolling $4,000 United States
shipyard volunteers. The men should en-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
THE DETECTIVE STORY

From the New York Evening Post.
A careful study of the latest volume OF
detective fiction gives the following re-
suits for liz pages.
Detective hero sucks in his breath
seven times.
Reformed crook sees heaven in good
wornan's eyes, four times.
Number Of languages spoken by detec-
tive hero like a native, apparently, "A;
also smattering OF ancient Javanese
and Tasmanian.
Highest speed attained by detectives
limousine in pursuit Of kidnapers, 500
miles an hour.
Highest distance climbed by detective
up precipitous wall As feet.
Number Of occasions on which he might
just as well have used the stairs, five
Broadcast jump made by hero in Apache
den, III feet
Number of people who mod compre-
hendingly.' Is.
Number of mods, 135.
Number of whistles Of astonishment, L.
Number Of occasions on which reformed
crook narrowly escapes being accepted
by the good woman and so running the
story, L.
Number of inquiries from wife OF
reader whether it isn't time to put away
the trash and go to bed five.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

ton, They believe that the people of
France and England and Italy are in
like condition. They believe that the
world is tired of this war and that
all people realize that neither the Ger
mans nor the allies can make material
advances on the western front-that it
is more or less drawn battle and
that the public sentiment of the world
will bring about peace
On the other hand, the sentiment
among the military and naval people Is
that the war win continue on far into
1919--that we can expect no material
drive beyond the German western line
during the spring or summer. We can
hold the Germans back, but can ac-
complish no decisive results within a
year or more.
The army and navy people are pre-
pairing for a long period of action,
1iflnly believing IN eventual success,
but none Of them believes this can be
accomplished within the year
= !. y
The political plays of the republicans
in Congress, and men like Senator
Chamberlain, are based on their beliefs
!
that the war is to end within limited
period, and they, therefore, desire to
place themselves in the political fore
front for future achievements
Everyone knows that Roosevelt
wants the republican nomination next
time, and friends of President Wilson
say he must be a candidate for a third
term if Roosevelt becomes a candidate
for third term.
OF course, Secretary McAdoo is in
the limelight for the present. based
however upon President Wilson's re-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

tirement at the end of his present term,
and based, of course. upon the war end
ing before that time
But war preparations, and war work,
and war talk, and the methods of rails
ing the enormous revenue for the in
definite continuance of the war. are r:le
all-absorbing topics.
n - =
The indications are that the shipping
board, the railroad board and the fuel
commission will jointly connect up the
railroads and the Warrior river imme-
diately for the transportation of coal
and heavy ship material from Bir-
mingham to Mobile A war department
pose, has been in both Mobile and Biz
mingham this week and will probably
have report in Washington on Mon
day, and it may be expected that defi-
mite plans will be formulated next
week.
= ~ Il
The surgeon generals department of
the army is anxious to locate recon-
struction hospital in Birmingham to ac-
commodate at least 1000 wounded men
who are capable of being rebuilt and
taught trades and professions. The
war department is now awaiting re-
port on the sites Birmingham may have
to offer. Birmingham has practically
been elected--it is merely a matter of
obtaining the proper site.
II the people here could get together
and do their part this more or less
chronological school for the wounded
would be established here by the gov
ernment
Birmingham should do its part
21eJ d3,p.ea~
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

sir, you do me great wrong to call
me an addlepate. You have no scientific
instrument for gauging my brain power.
Il don't need scientific instrument
for that purpose, sir. You have an in
strument yourself that gives you away.
what is that?"
your tongue" PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
QUICK RECOVERY.

How long has that pretty woman
been widowg'
"oh, long enough to take new interest
in life"
You'll have to be more specific"
What do you mean?"
Some of them begin to take a new in
terest in life the day after the funeral.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

BEGINNING THE DAY-O Gfver
of peace, Thou standest and knock
est Mt the doors. When shall we open
to Thees When shall we have Thee
in to sup with us and quiet the war
Of cur souIsf Outside is dfscord and
noise and rancor, but where Thou
art is peace. Amen.-H. M. &c.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
Alabama Has Sighted
Girls Industrial School

THE time has come for an organ
y lied movement, state wide in
scope, to make the Girls Industrial
school something that we may be
proud of instead of a makeshift.
AS far as it goes, this institution
IS admirable, but it doesn't go far
enough. 1t is well managed and the
inmates are well cared for, but the
facilities are woefully inadequate.
Alabama should hang her head in
shame over the fact that more than
sixty girls are housed in small
structure with seven rooms to meet
the manifold requirements Of home
and school. In spite of these handi-
caps, the school is doing splendid
work.
Prominent citizens Of Birmingham,
women's clubs throughout the state,
civic and commercial associations and
other organizations are ready to CO.
operate. They but await the word to
be galvanized into action that will
bring results. Mere talk and sympathy
will not help the unfortunate girls,
whose plight calls for immediate aid.
It is estimated that there are
Thousand girls in Alabama who should
now be enjoying the home influences
and the instruction of the industrial
school that they may be made into
I'M asset for the state instead Of a
liability.
The Industrial school is by virtue
BE- its location Birmingham institu-
zion. 1t devolves on the people of
Birmingham to set the pace in raising
money for this worthy cause. Other
cities in Alabama will fall into line.
Their leading citizens have so ex-
pressed themselves. The school is an
endowed institution, but something
like $4,000 must be raised in order
to get the appropriation due from the
state. The school will not only be the
salvation of hundreds of young wom-
en-. It can be made practically self
supporting, given the necessary equip
ment.
There will be no toulouse can
vass. People of means are expected
to contribute, and committee Of Rir-
mingham citizens is now being organ
lied to start campaign which will
make the Girls Industrial school what
it should be. The Boys Industrial
srhool is the pride of Alabama, but We
lave sadly neglected our girls. No
matter what other claims there may
be on your purse, surely there is no
greater, no more worth while work,
than the redemption of young women.
y = =
Howard College
Campaign Popular
10 BIRMINGHAM is proud Of How
~ ard college, but in order to
widen the scope of this excellent in
stitution and place it abreast of the
great universities, financial aid is
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
TRAIL OF THE SERPENT

From the New York Herald.
Bolo Pacha's boast that he is "the
master Of money, not its slave does not
car1ouflage the fact that much of it in
his case was Bernstorff money
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10

S@e@f>SN' NfN0aAtAAN VI kifO lSildHlC<
Only ravageN garth
Where the grass runs wild,
And an old bent woman there
With little child
Only a shattered tower
Bereft OF its bells,
Where. with it's sealed lips,
Gray silence dwells.
Only a fresh-heaped mound
With its grim pathos,
And a tilted soldiers cap
On wooden cross.
Only the creeping wind
And the shrouded sun;
Only the pale gloom-thin
Was fhs n~<t~ - xx.~--s
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
THE RECKLESS POETS.

THE RECKLESS POETS.
1t only needs
A touch of sun
To make the poets
Fancies run
On gentle spring
And blossoms fair
And lovely vistas
Everywhere.
Forthwith they seize
The Tyre and triil
With happy hearts
And right good will,
Diseounting-ah,
Such foolish folk,
No wonder they've
Become a jokel-
The fact that winter
May come back
And nip their fingers
Blue and blacki
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
y
Don't Delay Paying
Your Income Tax

Your Income lax
WNTHILE people liable for the fed
w eral income tax have until
June l to pay it, the internal revenue
collector for Alabama, John d. Nc
Neel, is letting it be known that pay
ment in advance of the time will be
appreciated by Uncle Sam.
The government needs the money
and most men with taxable incomes
will find it convenient to anticipate
the final date. Returns must be made
by March l, and it is hoped by the
collector that he will be able to re-
port large receipts shortly thereafter.
If all income tax payers through
out the country respond to the APP
peals of collectors promptly they will
materially aid the treasury depart
ment. This is one of many ways in
which individuals can help win the
war.
One reason why We enjoy reading
Professor Corbett's "reminiscences in
The Age-Herald is the fact that he
never tells us what Lady Slapdash was
wearing one afternoon when she took
tea with the Duchess of Hackensack.
4 = *
recent dispatch concerning Colonel
Roosevelt's illness stated that Mrs.
Nicholas Longworth was doing the
talking for the family No one ex-
pected Mr.. Nicholas Longworth to do
it, as long as Alice had her health.
Steps have been taken to identify
American soldiers killed in action. But
there is no use worrying about what is
going to happen to them until it ac-
tually happens.
The Kaiser may be able to keep his
troops in good humor by paying them
compliments, but the people at home
would rather have square meal oc-
casionally.
e y x =
II Carranza is looking for trouble
with the United States now is the time
for him to start something. He will
discover that we have made some prog
ress in the war business.
x x y
Hindenburg's boast that the Germans
will occupy Paris by April / will be
subject to revision about the middle
of May
A man no sooner consumes a quart
of liquor for medicinal purposes than
the state of his health demands an
other
Considering the number Of American
troops now in France, the U-boats bat
ting average is nothing to brag about.
x y X
After all it's worth while to live in
the sunny south where sometimes a
fuelless day is no great hardship.
* X *
Ambassador Francis turns in routine
reports just as if nothing in particular
were happening in Petrograd.
* 4 y
If we ever do get to eating whale
meat there's going to be lot of whale
hash served in this country.
4 4 =
There is no use trying to figure out
what the bolsheviki will do next. They
don't know that themselves.
4 x 4
Why has action on the LaFollette
case been postponed time and again:
or course there's reason.
y = X
The old-fashioned horse thief was a
rank amateur compared to the auto
mobile thief Of today
y = 4
How soon can we go across?" ask
the recruits. A commendable itch to
get at the Hun.
BOOST FOR KULTUR
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1918-02-10
RleJt37uea

That's generous of you. but can't
afford to educate other peoples sons
How do you persuade them to accept the
money!"
"Why-er, it doesn't require much per-
suasion, dad. They merely raise me and
take the pot