Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-09-14
THE CHAFFING DISH
Socrates BUYS Q Hat

AJAA-W ELL SOCTdteS, nave you DOusnl
your fall hat yet?
SOCRATES--T am sorry you raise that
topic, Ajax. Xanthippe has been after me
to buy a new hat, but 1t requires courage.
To tell you the truth, cannot buy hat
until l get my hair cut: an! cannot get
my hair cut until can find an hour with
no other claim upon my attention.
AJAx-And yet, my dear Socrates, I
And you wandering here about Indepen-
dence Square, with nothing more urgent
on hand than watching the workmen put
new shingles on the State House.
sOCRATEs-As usual, Ajax, you touch
only upon the fringe of the problem. Let
us demonstrate the matter. When do you
go to lunch? r. y. ,.'.
AJAX-why, when feel hungry.
soCRATEs-No; in addition to feeling
hungry you must feel the will to eat. You
know very we'll that the will to continue
working or more probably mere lethargy,
often postpones the hour Of your lunch.
1t is only when the will to eat takes prece.
dence in your mind over other mental
elements that you tell your stenographer
you will be back in twenty minutes and
20 off for an hour and half and few
furlongs of spaghetti.
AJAX-But what has this to do with
your hat?
SOCRATES-Just this: l am aware Of
the need of what is vulgarly termed new
lid. but the will to be rehatted has not yet
grown to sufficient strength to overcome
the philosophers natural dislike for sud-
den changes.
AJAX - II you continue to pace the
streets with that ancient basket Of straw
on your brow your will to be rehatted is
likely to be accelerated by public com.
ments. Already have heard it said that
your hat is undermining the morale Of the
citizens. Positively, it is pro-German to
wear 1t any longer.
SOCRATES - Your persistence unmans
me, Ajax. will be frank with you.
must indeed buy new hat, but I tell you
I dread It.. Is there any man who can con-
template that ordeal without shrinking?
Besides. no matter what buy, Xanthippe
will be sure to say I have made an evil
choice
AJAX-Why does she not accompany
y
lection?
SOCRATES-I will show you something.
Here Is little pamphlet got at a hatters
the other day. 1t shows the models which
are to be worn this autumn by men Of
discrimination, with a picture of each.
Now my mind hovers between these two,
which you will see are called Argosy and
Director or Argosy the booklet says: "A
distinguished looking hat conservative
but one you'd notice anywhere" OF Direc.
tor it says, "A rather dignifed model that
is acceptable to substantial men," Now
which do you think would be more be-
coming to me?
AJAH-Turn around a minute so that
I can see your profile. Hum well. 7
think, Socrates. that with your type of
features you should choose a hat that
would lend them some assistance. Now
l believe that both Arsosy and Director
would tend to neutralize the effect On
the whole, old chap, I think you need
something with little more dash
SOCRATES-Bravo!I was hoping you'd
think so. Well, then, what do you think
OF this one. which is made Of what they
call velour, and comes In lavender, cham
payne, cinnamon moss green and pearl.
The booklet says MANY men will find this
model is just what they have been looking
for" Don't you think that sounds rather
promising?
AJAX--Dear me, no. That Is not your
style at all. Socrates. That is the kind of
substance. they make smoking car seats
out Of. Xanthippe would never stand for
that, I feel sure.
SOCRATES-You see the problem is not
without complexity. Well, turn over the
page of the booklet. Here is a model
that Is said to be "A fine example of alert
style, with very sleek finish" And here
is one Of which the anonymous author
says, Looks good to the man who is
stylewise."
AJAx-I do not think either of those
would quite do you justice. Particularly
you ought to guard against those hats
made of velour or plush. Ernst Lissauer
the man who wrote the hmm of hate,
might wear one, but for your simple and
primitive features you need something
rather more elemental. Something.
think, with good swing and strong
curves Something that will draw the
eye away from your weak points
SOCRATES - have always rather
yearned for a tam-o-shanter--
AJAX-Your contributors would cut Won
on the street if you wore anything like
that If you will turn to the little preface
Of this booklet you will read that good
style is never freakish.
SOCRATES-But the author also saws
that good style is always different" Do
you think Scotch cap would be quite out
of the question?
AJAX-Absoutely.
SOCRATEs-Howa about Tyrolean hat
one Of those jolly little conical ones. with
a pheasant feather?
AJAX - All right for a colonel in the
Deaths Head Hussars or the Cockcbo f.r.