The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-03-27
Hard lob
Turning Clocks Hour
Ahead Will Be Tough.
BY BUGS eAER.

Old Gus Pithecanthropus never had
EanN buttons on his vest. But II Gus
did have buttons on his vest they
would have been the most venerable
buttons in the world, for Mr.. Pithecan-
| thropus made out his income blank
over 100000 years ago. There is even
i a few bushels of doubt that Gus ever
looked at the world from the inside
/ of vest. as you cant even get a $780,
1 000-year- old vest down on Hester
street. We have no eyewitnesses to
! the fact that Senior pithecanthropus
! ever dolied up in Il waistcoat. as the
only kind of eye That would last for
a half Of million years would be glass
eye. And plebiscite Of New Yorks
police blotters shows that a glass eye
witness is unreliable.
II Gus never had vest, then he
never had any vest buttons. And II he
didn't have any vest buttons, what's
the use of arguing? Even il he did
have vest buttons, they would all he
off by now. for you never saw a vest
button that would stay any place hut
on the floor. Gus probably had u fair
ly good lime of it half million years
ago with no vest buttons to worry
about no shoes to have bunions in, and
no alcohol to take by mistake in the
! dark and by intention In the light He
may have had alarm clocks, measles
and other epidemics to bother him, but
by stuffing a toe in each ear, Gus could
easily defeat the alarm clock and alb
sorb a little sleep.
Stuffing one toe in each ear is n
or rnSsiV, ~, ,~,s~r
are paging little more sleep, but the
Pithecanthropus was an agile suburb
ante. This insomnia cure is a diff
cult formula, but it's the only way to
blk an alarm clock. An alarm clock
never lost a debate yet Arguing with
one Is like throwing biscuits at the
moon. An alarm clock has a voice,
but no ears.
Giving the alarm clocks an hours
start on the public is going to add an
other two-ton bead to the fine laval
! Here of srindstones already festooned
around George Public's neck. A yard
more of daylight wouldn't be SO bad
If we get it in the cool of the evening,
but in the morning is early enough
without making il an hour earlier.
Moving the clocks yard ahead is
itaoiS 10 SStapuSn Il FOugh preCeuent.
suppose the taxicab drivers move their
taximeters a yard ahead? Suppose
the walters move the check yard
ahead" Imagine getting two yards
OF bill for only a foot Of food. Ii they
have to move everything ahead. why
not move the thermometers a few
yards to the front. They've been a
yard behind all winter.
few feet more of daylight is a good
stunt provided We use II right. The
idea is to make hay while the sun
shines. But making hay isn't any IN
ducement to the Rip Van Wrinkles who
would rather hit the hay than make It.
Il is also going to install q complete
set of confusion in the breakfast de-
partment. How are you going to order
two four minute eggs an hour ahead?
And why should Long Island connmu-
ter be an hour ahead of a morning
train that is always an hour behind?
Also. why should a man get up an
hour later? II robs him OF his snooxe
and doesn't help the trolley car.
That spare yard OF daylight won't
be so bad II they tack II onto thinner
hour. But morning bulges enough into
night without putting another bay
window on It.
Starting the day an hour earlier ~
going TO be q tough Job.
Fact d, that seastaslx tire any ut ~
! 10 q tough assiguWsot.