The Washington herald., 1918-02-20

A Little Gun shy.
'Jedge. Alb was gwine to nah room
to TEX q shave en- dis man stuck q
gun in NAH face"
You mean that he tried 70 shoot
on your whiskers?" asked the court
of Patterson Marsh, who was COM
planning against Elliot Jackson
We'll, Jedge." answered Patterson,
"tYould hab been dead easy to DO.
cause all, NAH hair en- whislzers stood
up straight wen All seed dat gun"
''No sech thing. Jedge." put in e.
lot. "Ah was only shown dat man
NAH new gun. Eff he hadn't been
drinkin' he wouldn't have got cited
en- run"
There was no reason whatever for
Elliot to stick a gun in Patterson's
face. The two men had had no quar-
rel. Neither was there q woman In
the case.
Patterson was on his way upstairs
with a cup Of hot water and his razor
and brush.
At the second floor landing he saw
Elliot sitting at his door brandishing,
so he said. a big automatic revolver.
Elliot denied putting the gun in
! the mans face. He was only show
ing him the gun. he told the court.
Once upon a time Patterson was
shot. Ever since he has been gun
shy.
And SO the court gave Elliot the
benefit OF the doubt and dismissed
the case.
Soak Him Again, Amanda.
"Eberytime All goes down de street,
Jedge. yonner. wild a bundle oh
clothes on NAH haid, dis lii boy gifts
smaht and thows things ct me-"
Il fail to see where that gives you
license to whip other peoples chill
dren." said the court to Amanda
Campbell. charged with spanking lit
tie John Diggins.
"Ah knows it don't. ledge, but
jes' let somebuddy knock a bundle
OBJ clothes otfen yo haid en- see how
yo feels about IT."
Amanda, a woman so old that she
had stopped counting her birthdays.
had put up with this nuisance, she
said, for so long that she was get
ting the "hystetrics.'
Little Johnny would lay In wait foI
her. she said, and heave brick or
anything else he could lay hands or
and knock the bundle OF clean clothes
OF Amanda's head.
One day she chased and caught
him. Then she introduced him to the
palm OF her hand, applied TO the right
portion of his anatomy.
His mother, thinking him a nttlt
| angel. had Amanda arrested. How
could a son of hers. she intimAted. dc
'
Regardless of all that Amanda had
to shell out a five-dollar bill-almosr
what she earns in a whole month oy
washing.
He Had IL Coming TO Him.
Big Alfred Green. a Virginian BY
birth and a German in habits. took q
tumble TO himself the other day.
Said tumble coming about at the
hands OF a little fellow half his size.
In the past Al had been in the habit
OF picking on men smaller than he.
In movie shows he made other mer
get up and give him their seats. They
| were all afraid OF him. He alwayi
got the best OF everything because nc
one dared to risk q fight with him.
He took other fellows girls away
from them. He did all kinds Of NEAR
things because he thought no one
would dare question him.
One evening on Third street south
west, he stopped a strange man. A
demanded a cigarette. The strange
said he had none.
| Al grabbed him by the neck and call
ed him a liar. The stranger, MartI
Dees, stood and looked at him for jus
| about two seconds.
All OF a sudden Al hit the sidewalk
He saw millions OF stars.
1t took two big policemen to keel
Martin from killing him. II ever I
man was whipped into a jelly 1t wa
Al.
The pair were brought into court
and a few men whom Al had mistreat
ed were witnesses against him.
And so the court let Martin go an
fined AL so. which he didn't have.
Pa Put His Foot In IL.
There is q man in town who is yer!
sorry that he once assumed the rol
Of a matchmaker.
He is Henry Chavers Four year
ago he succeeded in making a matcl
between his daughter and Fred Mon
roe.
For a couple of years Fred did fine
He never called on his father-in-lay
for a cent He worked all the time.
But during the past two years h
hasn't hardly worked a full month
: Pa-in-law Henry had to support Fred
his wife and two children.
Last Sunday as Fred was sitting b
the fire warming his toes, his father
in-law asked him to so out in tn
back yard and split a little wood.
"Ah amt workin' 70 yo," said Fred
: chop yo own wood or do wild out IT.
Father-in-law. didn't waste word:
He grabbed an ak handle and wen
after his lazy son-in-law.
i Despite his daughters pleadings an
screams. Chavers, beat Fred over tn
head until the sx handle was a
broken up.
Then he took his foot and Shove
Fred the door, at the same time tell
ing him to pack up his duds and g
elsewhere.
Fred did 60 elsewhere. He went {
the courthouse and got a warrant.
Even though the court might hav
sympathized with Henry II had L
punish him. But it WIS only a 81
fine.
lTwo-Cent Conner Coin