davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28
TODAY'S TABLOID TALE
LuClia's Limit.
By Joe Blast.

LuClia's Limit.
 On Thursday of the first week Luella Spong went to the seventh semi occasional ball of the Talcum Powder Miners , Association. The great ball. room, festooned with rock can dy and tame daisies, was a blaze of red, yellow, blue. green, violet, pink, and orange electric lights.
 There were forty dances and Lucia danced them all, She danced eight one-steps Ca dis lance of thirteen miles): six Ford f1ips Chine miles): ten fox trots (tUenty-one miles): seven hiccough reels (fourtocn miles, and nine Newport nudees (si1- teen mlles); making a total of seVenty-three miles by five o clock the next morning.
 All the way homo during the dollar and forty cent taxi ride, Lucia was as gay as any lark and gayer than a good many. and five hours later she a,woke and arose. perfectly refreshed. we'll and strong.
 IT.
 Thursday of the second week was the housemaid' monthly day off, and the sitting room needed dusting.
 "Luella,'' said her mother who usually called her by her hrst name when they were alone-''L Lucia, if you don't dust that sitting room shall positively get your father to dis inherit you,"
 Lucia poutishly laid down her violet covered copy of Hearts Asunder, or AlIs Fair in Love But War" and dusted the sitting room It took her twenty minutes at the rate of twelve motions 8 minute, during which she covered a distance ot forty-nine feet, and at the end she collapsed, completely exhausted, and had mysteries on the piano stool, and her parents were obliged to send her to the mountains to recuperate.
 Copyright 1918 by George
 Matthew AdaIns)
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

indiffe renee to war needs in time of peace, the following coIloquy is very illuminating:
 Mir. Butler-AIay I ask Admiral Braiste1 a question? Do you recall the year that you recommended to Congress that We should provide for your department a hospital ship?
 Admiral Braisted--Oh, yes; we have been at that for seventeen years.
 MT. Butler-Yes. The first time you asked for it this committee did not recommend it?
 Admiral B1 aist ed--No, sir
 MT. BEtler-The second tine it did?
 Admiral Braisted-Yes, sir.
 Mr, Butler-And two years ago it recotnm ended the construction of g. first class hospital ship. one you had designed yourself.
 Admiral Braisted--YeS.
 Mr But1er-Ha,s that ship ever been put under contract?
 Admiral Braisted-YcS; she is be- ing built at the navy yard, Philadel- phia. bv the bureau ot construction and repair.
 MT. Butler--How far has it pro- gressed?
 Admiral Braisted-It is about B per cent conp pleted.
 Mir Butler-When will she be com- pleted?
 Admiral Braisted-She will not be finished within a year and a half
 The Chairman-It was stated Nes- terday by Admiral Taylor that after full conference on the matter. he was certain this hospital ship could not be completed in time to be of ' use. so they have provided these other ships that could be immediate ly put into use and deferred the work on this one.
 MT. Butler-1 recall the explana- tion
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

iully hrs own depth and breadth of view without interning MT. Shaw in 1 the chlify company of "scientitlc" i intellectual liuc rs Whcrc anyway, o'd MT. Williams get the quaint no- ] ton that Shaw is exclusively cere-
 praf? That Is a hoary superstitution
 ak1n to that other one which MT. , Williams is sbreWd enough to ridi 1 cuie: that Shaw is "farceur', "a 1 Clever advertising bufoon." But 1 Shaw "sophomoric", Shaw a victim of 1 the scientific attjtude,'! Come, come, l MT. Williams-shcot if you must the scientific attitude, but spare that old gray head holding by the 1 fire, that has held a great deal more 1 than that of any English dramatist of his generation. Shaw an addict of "sclence't Whys bless you guileess heart, MT. Williams, Shaw is as TO- mantle as Colonel Roosevelt and as visionary as Blake. He is an ire clalmable cmotionalist.. one of the great rhapsodists of the tn heater, and an incorrigible poet-a poet tortured by incomparable honesty of vision. As for MT. Williams assurance that Shaw knows little about the things of the spiS1', that, too, is an old wives tale unbecoming in so deter mined a, modernist as Mir. Williams.
 Shaw has the mystical temper. and
 he has the priceless gift of ecstasy.
 So far from his having little flair for
 the things of the spirit, nothing else
 really interests him profoundly.
 Those passos scs of startling apocalyp~
 tic beauty that flame out in his d1a-
 ]ogue from time to time would long
 since have betrayed him to everyone
 were it not for the fact that beauty
 spoken in the modern theater has as
 much chance of reaching it's mark as
 a. pea shooter in air-raid.
 If Mir. Williams does not believe these obvious truths-which ought to
 be stale to him, but seemingly are not ---hc need only ask the youngest Vas
 sar undergraduate he knows who will at once confirm our assertion
 that Mr. Shaw is now perceived to be as sentimental as Dickens as inde
 fatigable a student of the human
 heart as a Congressman up for re-
 election, and as fragrant a mystic as JIlla Wheeler Wilcox.-Lawrence Gilman, in "The North American Re view"
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28
My Hosiery.

tN1th the usual apologles.) The hours I spent on thee dear sock, Are as string Of purls to me, count them OCT by the weary clock, My hosiery, my hosiery t lfst two l knit, then two l purl, And round the leg I slowly reel; NOW joyful paeans to the heavens ]
 hurl
 I've turned the heel oh, knotted ends that scratch and
 burn,
 Oh, stitch that dropped, uneven l KISS each blight and strive at last to
 learn
 To reach the toe. sweetheart to
 reach the toe (Nanny Adair in Philadelphia Public
 LedgeF)
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28
Safety First.
(Public Service Magazinel


 It was a bitterly cold day and Sandy appeared on the streets with the tippets of his cap up over hls head instead of his ears.
 ''Hoot mon'" cried McNab, wee you nav put your tippets down over ye ears?"
 "Dinna fash yesel'," replied San day, "I naw put me tippets down since the accident"
 Huh. and I dinna ken ye were hurt" McNab hastened to add.
 ''Um", reiojned Sandy. "McGresof asked me to have a drink and Wlttl me tippets down I dinna hear hln''
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

If every man in the army is to have nine pairs of shoes those who have been watching the rise in the price of footwear have another in- centive to enlist.-Nev Haven Rcgis- ter
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28
Friendly Advice to a Boy Wonder.
 Mfr. Will Hays, the new chairma.

ETlcndiy Advice to a Boy Wonder.
 Mfr. Will Hays, the new chairman of the republican national committee, is going about making himself known to the faithful and receiving all the homage that goes to the Boy Won der. MT. Hays makes it plain that he takes his role to be that of pacif~ cator, and to the end of pac1fEca t1 on he is keeping his door open to all corners. Incidentally he is doing 8 good deal of talking about the pros poets of the republicans capturing congress at the coming elections.
 That sort of thing, of course. goes with his position. MT. Hays, be it said to his credit, is doing as little boasting as IS possible for one so cir cumstanced, and altogether he im presses the observer as a. clean cut politician of the type familiar in the Hoosier state, where male persons are taught partisanship in the era dle.
 Republicans seem pleased with Mir. Hays But do republicans in the mass and does MT. Hays in partfcu- lar realize that this is no year for partisanship of any brand, except that embraced in the term Amer icanism?
 lhe Fpteis ol LhlS ldhQ dlS suns to apply to aspirants for office next November only the one test, that of Americanism. That is an individual not a party, matter The republican organization can he of value if it secs that no man in it's ranks is nom- irated for office who is not 100 per cent. Americansm in his every thought. Beyond that. little mat ters, If if must go through the form of adopting platform, let it be short. The shibboleth of that party and every other that goes for the people this year should be--Win the Warf
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28
FACTS AND RANCHES.

Russia can't be disinteg grated says Count Tya Tolstoy. Maybe SO but it can be shot to pieces, which is the same thing, only different.- New York World.
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

The Germans seem to be in some doubt as to what they bought and paid for at Brest- -Litovsk.-Provl- dence Journal
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

A German paper is reported to have printed the warning. The Americans Are Coming.'> This is. indeed q concession, considering how many Americans are lover there' eady.--Ba ltimore Star.
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

fRuss1an Navy Disorganized. " Headline.
 Now the question is Vh ether a Bolshevik navy when it gets disor- eanized becomes organized. or what -Ncw York Evening Post.
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

Hindenburg meant he would be in on April Fools day.-Springfield Union.
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

Government control of the rail roads does not mean that every time B passenger train is late the passen- gers are entitled to write letters of complaint to President Wilson, Rochester Democrat and Chronicle,
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

Now that the kaiser has answered Carranza, the valentine season may he said to bc over--Springflcid Daily News
New Britain herald., 1918-02-28

'es se repeats every amazing per- fce an, airman must do in l...,'sef with an{> enemy aviator. Among
 ts~~e te things aee. the falling leaf"
 the most graceful of all aerial
 stunts" used to deceive the enemy
 into the belief that the attacked air
 plano has been crippled and is fall
 ing.
 Under the guidance of the aforc-
 mentioned competent aviator, who
 has a record of thirty five German scalps to his credit, and in the fastest
 machine seen in this country. Billy
 Sundays tronbonst is supposed to
 give an advance notice of Gabriel
 blowing his trumpet on the last great
 day. As result. all Washington is
 guessing and suggesting the tune to
 he will play that grand old hymn,
 "Brighten the Corner Where You
 Arc.' His friend and admirer, Ar
 thur Brisbane. the famous editor, A in the Old Town Tonight"
 Whether RodeheaVer carries out his idea or remains at the safer task of blowing his trombone under the protecting root of the tabernacle makes little difference. Whether the thought is considered sacrilegious or otherwise is of no moment. Whether
 the tunes played is "A Hot Time" or :, Brighten lip the Corner is also aside from the main impression, which is this: The entire country needs someone. Rodeheaver or the Angel Gabriel. to blow blast O., some instrument, trombone or tr; pet. and awaken the people fl their utter sluggshness as regards the war.
 It is not enough that the populace of these United States sit idly by and await the returns from the battle front, the news of death in the ranks, to appreciate the fact that we are at war. There is something to be done 1 by each and every individual back ] of the lines just as there is some thing to be done by the men in the i first line trenches. The moral is as l in all life, Do not wait for Gabriel ! to blow his horn"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Perfect Red Gross
Star on Yank'S Back

fore patrol of Boche prisoners
guarded by an American sergeant
came by and found him lying there
He was carried into Il field hospital
and later sent into Hospital No. l.
The leg wounds are healing rapidly.
but the right forearm is still partially
paralyzed.
But what's an arm as long as I'm
getting plenty to eat. says Corporal
He'll. There were three days during
the fighting up at the front when |
missed out on rations, and another "a
hours that was lying out on the fieya.
Guess l never will get enough to make
up for missing all those meals. But
they do sure treat us fine here. PIen-
ty of good food. a good looking nurse
and Red Cross chaplain that comes
around every day with cigarettes"
"All right for you To talk" grum-
bles Webb La Pointe of Sheboygan.
Wis, from another bed hue what do
you think about me? Laid up here like
an invalid and I've never gotten a
crack at a Boche."
La Pointe is in a machine gun COM
pany of one of the divisions that dis
tinguished itself In the fighting near
Compeigne. He had just started over
the top early one morning carrying the
tripod of gun when soup wagon"
came along and knocked him down.
He was hit In the knee and elbow and
now he Is in the hospital grumblinC.
not because he is done up in yards of
bandages and painful apparatus that
holds his injured leg straight. but be-
cause il will be some time before he
gets back front again for "crack at
Boche."
David Rittow of New York city Is
another convalescent of No. who en-
joys the food and the Red Cross
cigarettes. He had several DAYS on
timed ratiOns when he was brought
in from the field and was losing his
strength because he refused to eat.
In the bed next him was a sergeant of
the regular army who had been
brought in to die because a piece of
shrapnel had lodged 50 close beneath
his heart that an operation to remove
1t was impossible.
Steals Food From "Joy Cart"
The sergeant, rejoicing in the name
of Kelly and coming from the town of
st. Joseph, Mich, refused to accept the
verdict that he must die and dine on
liquid rations. Whenever the "joy
wagon" Gas the boys call the food
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
A Different Matter.

Hold on dar, sah!" ominously com.
manded Brother Nappy. Hold on
tweH l 'terrogates yo' on a pussonal
question. How bout dem dar two dol
labs | paid yo' last week for dat stuff
to take de kinks out'n muh hair? |
duplicated il prezackly accawdin' To
de obituary on de bottle, and den set
back and waited for de merricle to
be puffawmed. and-huh! 1t never
UNFINISHED single strand o. muh hair.
Squar' yO'self. sab; squar' yo'se'f, or
I'll bust 20 wide open and leave yo'
in two pieces, one on each side o de
path :"
Jaw, shucks, sab Ye' dunnuh what
yo' talkin' bout. l never promised de
wonderful remedy would take de kinks
Out'n yo' wool; l dess guaranteed
'twould. YO' amt got no comeback
a-tall KANSAS City Star.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
H0cSIER FIRED FIRST SHOT
Alexander Arch Of South Bend Has
Distinction of Sending Initial
Shell Into Hun Lines,

New York.-The story Of the first
shot fired by the American expedition
airy force in the war with Germany
shell sent srreeching into the German
Zines about a. dawn was breaking on
October -. 191T--is contained IN a let
.er se1t 20 the press by me eomman-
trr Of the indiana battery which per
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

carD appeared, the sergeant wouii
arise from his death bed" and stea;
food while the backs of the nurses
were turned. After a while the doc
tors listened to his urgent request foI
regular meals" and cancelled the or
der that he was 10 have liquid diet
pending his stay in the hospital. Ser
geant Kelly is still at the hospital
where he is now working as n hospital
orderly. He is eating as much as they
will give him and whenever possible
sneaking extras" which he hides be-
meath his pillow.
Rittow and the other men IN ward
23S have developed real appetites
from watching him eat and listening
to his jokes. They know as well as
does the sergeant that any chance &C.
cident may dislodce the bit of shrap
mel that lies beneath his heart. but nv
long as he can shake his fist at death
and laugh at his troubles. they laugh
with him. He spins yarns by the hour
of his experiences In the Philippines
on the Mexican border and in France.
where he has served II months now.
And when he runs ont of breath, Rit-
tow catches the bali and tells his story
of service as 'liaison" messenger he
tween French and American troops
who took Fere-en-T ardenols.
Took Wrong Turn.
He trained at Camp Mills with an
other group OF men from New York
city, coming to France last October.
His company was sent to several diff
ferent fronts In France, and by odd
coincidence every time that they were
relieved the company which replaced
them suffered heavy casualties from
attacks, raids or bombardmen;s. Final
ly came the day when they were re-
called from the Champagne front ami
sent in TO support the division that had
pressed on beyond Chateau Thierry IN
the early days of the July offensive.
The day he was wounded he had gone
back and forth for II hours between
French and American field headquar-
ters, carrying important messages. lie
had Just started off on another trip
when a chance turn to the right IN
stead of to the left, as he had been
gong. put him in the path of flying
shrapnel that wounded him in the left
thigh and below the knee.
"Oh, the legs all right" he sings
out cheerfully. But l sure would
have been gone If 1t hadn't been for
the sergeant there. / couldn't make
myself eat when they brought me here
used TO watch the sergeant sneaking
out of bed when he was supposed to
be dying and swiping food from the
joy cart. 1t t:ckled me so to watch
him that began TO get hungry--and
now I'm getting fat"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
somewha, pazed.

"There's man on my beat in a
dazed condition" reported the patrol
man.
"What seems to be the trouble?" in
quired the inspector.
HE says something struck him. bur
he doesn't seem to know just what"
Probably it was a political land
slide."-Kansas City journal.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Princes Have to Get Off Dancing
Floor Reserved for Our
Soldiers.
FAMOUS CASINO RESERVED
AK Is Rest and Recreation Center for
American Expeditionary Forces
and American Soldiers Come
First There.
BY WALTER KELLOGG TOWERS.

Aix-les-Bains, France. Princes,
dukes, counts and other tiled person
ages have to yield place to the Ameri-
can soldier In the famous casino of
AK. Even a king seeking accommoda-
lions there would be discarded in ia
vor of an American lace" No preju-
dice against the nobility exists. Any
duke or count can have certain accom-
modations, that is if any remain after
the American soldiers have been serv-
e1. As for the dancing floor and soft
drink "bar," none but Yankees need
apply. AK was designated as the rest
and recreation center for the American
expeditlonary force and there is no
qualification on the priority of that
organization.
Counts Don't Count.
Ir the billiard room of TIE million
dollar casino, formerly famous gam
bling place and haunt of the titled
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
PERUNA
THE BEST MEDICINE
FOR COUGHS AND COLDS
Losing Game.

Crawford-Why don't you try jolly.
Ing your wife a little? It's easy to tell
her she's looking younger and more
beautiful every day.
Crabshaw---I tried that once and she
nailed me for money to have her pic
ture taken.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

formed this important action in Amer
lean history.
Alexander Arch 81 South Bend. Ind.
n sergeant in this unit-Battery G Of
the Sixth field artIiiery-is the veteran
soldier. who. according to this letter.
yanked the lanyard " the pioneer gun
10 speak for the United States on the
soil of France
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
M0UNTAINEER LEARNS
OF WAR, GLAD TO GO

Cniontown, Pa.-''HelI. are
We into the war;" asked Jacob
Harris after n moment Of sur
prise. You don't have TO force
me to 90. Ny place is al the
front using the Old shooting
iron. I'm D. glad came to
town" Harris. mountainepr.
was making his FIRST visit 70 tho
city In four years when the 20.
lice learned that be had no reg,
isiration card. harris was In.
Quoted into service at once.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Titled Persons Yield to Yanks

wealthy of Europe, bur now conducted
by the American Y. NJ. c. A, for our
soldiers, tall, distinguished man in
civilian garb wistfully watched the
doughboys carOming the ivory balls.
lie would have liked to play little
billiards himself, but the doughboys
from overseas had priority and he was
only count. He was allowed the use
of the casino. but only insofar as 1t
did not interfere with the soldiera'
entertainment.
over on the dance floor a well-dress-
ed man and woman tried to, participate
In the merry maze where two hundred
Yankees were JOstling one another
cheerfully In an effort not to miss their
chance to dance with the thirty attrac-
tive girls wearing the Y. NJ. C. A. uni
form. The couple not in uniform were
told tactfully but firmly that the dane.
ing floor was reserved for those in the
uniform of tile A. f. r., although the
civilian dancers were known TO be "A
prince and his consort.
Passing through the swinging doors
marked Bar" one finds more bright
faced American girls serving lemon
ade, hot chocolate, cakes and cookies
to the throng of enlisted men who lire
the rail. Here, too, the titlrd and dis
tinguished men In "cits' are denied
service
Soak the Dukes.
The movies in the big hall are free
to all and well attended. In the ca
sinos big theater vaudeville Is pur-
veyed at two scales of prices. In the
front row recently a duke sat next TO
an American sergeant. The duke paid
ten francs for his seat, the sergeant
paid two francs. 1t was five times as
advantageous to be an American sol.
der as to be duke. The Y. NJ. G. A.
arranged that
At the Hotel de l'Europe the bonI-
face Daddy Leder, who has well
coined royalty in other years. recently
assigned three Yankee doughboys to
the room once used by Queen Vic.
torla. He had turned away a titled
Engishman and his lady who doubt
less would have given much for the
queens room, or any room. But the
first gentlemen Of Europe have 10 give
way to the first gentlemen Of America.
The "Y" arranged that. And the Yam
kce boys have proven themselves gen
,lemen
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Rejected 81 Times.

Chlcago.-After being rejected n
times iH the army ond navy. the pa,ri-
ofic ardor Of Frank a Mills. ! feet y
inches 'aiL Of this city. was aaaifv ra-
warded when he was accepted by the
Red Cross Tor service over there
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Itchinq Burning Skins.

For eczemias, rashes, itchings, irrita-
tons, pimples, dandruff, sore hands,
and baby humors. Cuticura Soap and
Ointment are supremely effective. For
free samples address "Cuticura, Dept.
Y, Boston" At druggists and by mail.
Soap 25, Ointment 25 and 50.--Adv.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

has decided that they are nor lmnod
est, as some about town thought And
the committee went further and pui
its o. X. on the girls wearing the
overalls on the street on their wov m
and from work.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
The Reason.

Young Parvenu is unusually well
SO he is. bur then his
vale. esed to be an ostler."
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
/ Ever
Saw
DISCOURAGED Erenchmen.

A Frenchman complained that he
had difficulty in learning English. He
said that after he had learned TO pro-
nounce typhoid fever" doctor pro-
nounced Il fatal.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30
Probably nidn,t

"There is one good thing about
Adam"
"What is that?"
HE never wore his trousers turned
up"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

Coles Carbolisalve Quickly Relieves
and heals burning, itching and torturing
skin diseases. 1t instantly stops the pain
of burns. Heals without scars 25c and Soc
Ask your druggist. or send 2sc to The j.
w. Cole Co., Rockford, ILL.,, for a pkg. Adv.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

The man VINO insists on giving other
people a piece of his mind is usually
man who has little mind to spare.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1918-10-30

viii reduce them and leave no blenishes.
Stops zmeness promptly. Does not bis
ter or remove the hair, and horse can be
worked 81 50 bottle delivered. sook s Tree.
ABSORBING. JR-. fer zshkina. the asfisepdc
Eaizeat fer Bols Braises Sor5s ssenEs Vacose Feaa
Aays Pair end Iagz11dnl- Prce 81 . borle a. drug
gs1 ss sslIe-ea. VIA tel yea 5oTe Il y0a WIZ
WE.YoUEe. ?. 0. r, so Fszsssi. s0ansssld. HAS.