davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
Can 1t Be Truea

For some months past we have seen the
same line of dope, with slight variations, ap,
pearing in Republican papers about lcerta4
Democrats-Bin Mcdonald, Andy H~udspeth,
Burkhart, Senator Jones, Lucero n others
who it is alleged have been engaged iii
dark schemes of various kinns ana despeti
ate %hairpnlnng matches. We saved up a
bunch Of these stories and find by arrang.
ing them Internationally that these gentle
men have been continuously busy for -four
or five years in a desperate fight with the
rest of the Democrats of the state. 1t ap-
pears that they constitute one of several
gangs" which go round with long sharp
knives IN their belts and single action Colts
sticking out of their hip pockets, trampling
down the defenseless Democratic proletar.
lat andspulling off various stunts hat would
make the vain tricks of the peculiar heath.
en- Chinese look like innocent child's play.
1t seems that the entire Democracy is EN-.
gagged in a bitter hammer and tongs melee
from one years end to the other. we can't
imagine how any of them get any official
of private business done for this continuous
night and day 'Saturnalia of political may
hem and riotous transferring. They are de-
ceivin' cusses, at that; mild, peaceful look.
ing citizens WIKI cunningly, we suppose, CON
ceal their ruffianly true character under
this cloak of outward tranquility and limo
cence.
1t is surprising, when you come to think
about it, how there are enough Democrats
left when election time to elect any.
body. We should imagine after reading
this literature that the highways and by
ways We're Uttered with windrows of man
gled Democratic politicians.
AS a matter of fact, while we never con
Democrats angels, it always seemed
as If what the party in this state needed
was a little effective bossing of the right
kind. 1t is generally the. case that they
never know where they're at until the last
And while the stories being ped.
died to the state papers about sinister and
doings Of these wicked cabals are
shockin' they lose their punch through
weekly repetition All we suggest is some
thing new. It's getting monotonous. And
really, we have difficulty in believing that
the luckless Macdonald, saddled with the
job of making two Jumps of coal bloom at
half the price where one bourgeoned before;
the busy Jones, engaged for the season as
The stepper-on-the-cor Of Reed and Bill
and up to the neck in National war
legislation; the tranquil Hudspeth, U. s..
narshaling in a rather inoffensive but quite
manner or the U. s. district attor.
ley, rounding up bootleggers and lighting
his pipe at the same time, have half the
ime for grinding the a n and file under
he iron heel Of bossism that this delinea-
or of Democratic rough-house would have
is suppose,
or course all this bloodthirsty Democratic
may be going on under cover, like
volcano with q potato patch on top of it;
nut it doesn't look reasonable, Anyhow,
he story is growing whiskers.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
HIS ONLY RECOURSE

An Ohio man whose son was an appli-
cant for a position in the Federal civil
service, but who had been repeatedly
turned down." said:
Its sure hard luck, but Bill missed
that civil service again 1t looks like
they just won't have him, that's ALL"
What was the trouble?" asked the
friend.
"Well, he was kinder short ON spellin'
and geography, In he missed a good
deal in arithmetic"
Whats he going to do about it,"
81 don't know" said the father.
''Times are not so good for us, an !
reckon he'll have to go back to teachin'
school for a Twin '-Everybody's Mag
azine.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

batch Of German prisoners. They did moi
starve. beat, burn, mutilate nor boil them
in oil. What did these unhumorous British
ers. lost to all sense of the ludicrous, do?
All they did was line up some seventy
five sour faced Huns at attention and make
them, at the point Of the bayonet sing In
concert the Hymn Of Hate.
Honestly. can you imagine any more keen
ly ingenious and subtle humor than that?
Could you devise any spectacle that
would more strikingly point the antipodal
contrast between the Prussian character
and that of Democracy Can you think of
anything that could warm your heart to-
ward a London cockney more than that?
Humor is the leveller Of caste, the bond
N human Understanding; you can get along
with the painted Indian and the African
savage and the igloo-dweller and the native
Of Cozumel or Hyderabad when you see in
his eye the twinkle that breaks down bar
riers or rank or language; it is the open
sesame to Fellowship and GOODWILL; but
where the sense Of humor is utterly lack
ing there must be q wall between.
1t has been said that the Prussian lack
Of the sense of humor-which must go hand
in hand with human sentiment and sensi-
biiity-is one of the great underlying caus-
es' OF the present world-catastrophe. II 1t
were possible for the Hun to know how lu.
dicrous he is in his supreme egotism tho
war would be over. 1t combines with his
crude brutality to make him utterly impos-
sible; it is the chief factor in his amazing
misunderstanding Of the true character OF
all other peoples Of the earth. There will
be no greater pleasure after the Kaiser is
q captive Of the allies, if they should be so
fortunate as to take him alive. than to tie
him up somewhere and engage a bunch Of
our best American, British and French
humorists to Kid him to death. Or he might
he brought TO this country and made to walk
around to all the Chautauqua platforms in
the United States and forced to sing that
same flynn OF Hate as a solo to the ac-
compartment Of d German band, with Won
H~indenburg playing the piecolo, Won Lu.
dendorif the bass viol and the Crown Prince
the trombone. 1t would be worth all the
cost of III war. n.4r4a
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
The Sunshine State :
IT WAS A FORD THAT
is SURE SOME HOSPITAL

Roy NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. due regard
for the efficiency Of the Plunlee Hospital
force, l feel that i should express my ab-
probation by ~saying- They ampu-
tated my leg above the knee, on Feb. 2S.
and jugt twelve days from that date I am
able to drive home Is miles in a new
Ford all by myself and | believe within
a few days I will be able to put on an
artificial leg and 30 about my work. ]
think this breaks all records for such a
serious operation and can recommend
this hospital from the very bottom Of my
heart to any one needing surgical treat
ment,
Sincerely. t&4
w. C. YARBR0UGH.
Roy. N. M.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
sANrA FE SAM SAYS:

Sls'h-h-don't come In. Lets talk
outside. Ye air a married man yerself
and know that there is moments in do
festie ~relashuns when It is wise ter
tread soft and speak quiet. No, no,
huthin' serious, Jest a TRIVIAL incident
sech as viii happen. merely segests
ter the ole woman that | fails ter UNI
stand why it is no n up to yet, has
segested -Four Mint wimmin, andn
wen, We git me all right. Ye know
how them things is. They allus mis-
constroo intenshuns.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
Nor HERE, OLD SCOUT

The measIy Winds have come again,
The fouIest Of the year,
What sand they can't swirl down your
back
They plaster In your ear,
They bring out all that's bad In man,
His thoughts are truly shocking,
And when my Iady's skirt is raised
He glories in her stocking.
&c. Whlzz in Springer stockman
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
YOU REMEMBER rHE HUME

I'm a little Teuton maid,
As DER the hills skate,
Eating sauerkraut by the bale,
And learning how to hate.
aM th B. l. r.
With a merry little Teuton boy
Working like a beaver
To learn to slice
The women nice
With a big Prussian cIeaver.
"-v-
or COURSE Bill Bryan has reform.
ed and all that; and of course what
those Canadians did to him was cruel
and inhuman; BUT-chickens come
home to roost. LI|I
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
No Humorl

What has become of that pet s~uperstl-
ton SO long entertained in this country
that the British have no sense of humor?
To what bourne has fled the story about
the man who split wood by telling II funny
stories, all except one chunk that he found
was a piece Of English oak?
Not long ago the Tommy Atkinses took a
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
JABS in II siss ss..'
THE HyPHENATEp MUSE

Oh, carranza sent a cabie-(on the kais-
er's birthday gram
To the Kaiser there at Pots-(That's a
German palaoe) dam
And It said, "Look out for Uncle CHATS
my northern eneighbor) San. 81
For he's coming after youlv ~
Then the Kaiser waved his iron las the
papers have ~ hand,
And he danced a little sara tthats a
Turkish tahso) band,
And he said;. 'i'm safe In He'll. Gin the
German sea) goIand,
Buy | thank my friend ~Carranxa."
-Ilne-o,type or two.
--v-
THE GUY who directs the baby-kili-
in Hun bomb raids on LONDON is named
Colonel Thompson. Probably adopted
it just to try to blacken a good old
Anglo-Saxon name.
THE LIBERTY MOTOR is referred TO
as Uncle Sans humming bird. It's the
advance guard OF Uncle Sans steel.
beaked, iron-clawed, leatheriunged,
Hun-scratching, bald-headed old Bird OF
Freedom that has never been tanned by
any man-mads OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES never
will be!
ALL PROGERMANS caught in France
have been ordered shot. United States
nextl
-v-~
FOUR HUNDRED army horses pois-
oned iii kentucky. Needless to ask By
whom.
THINK OF THE PO0R bone.heanded
Bolsheviki who talks of preparing for
defense" after being swallowed by
Germany
DlNER-Waiter, there's sand on this
bread
Waiter-'That's to keep the butter
from slipping off,"
BISHOP PAUL JONES of Utah was
asked by a committee the other day to
support a rather extreme Sunday ordint
ance.
Gentlemen, said the bishop, "the
wife Of one of my ministers saw her
little boy last Sunday morning, chasing
the hens all over the farmyard with a
club"
" I'll learn you, he was shouting. I'll
learn you to lay eggs on the sabbath
wv"
A BACK BAY woman has been mott
fed by her cook that she would be
lawn " when her; week was up. A.
little later, however, the cook changed
her mind. tf eff
81 can not understand vol, Bridget
said her mistress. Here I've trotted all
over town trying to find a new cook
and now you tell me this. How did you
happen to arrive at this new conclu-
sion?"
"Well num- replied Bridget, Il SEE
when you we're out, 'Biddy, I SEE, 'ye'd
better wu-rrk for the devil you know
than for the divil you don't know So
it's stayin' I'll be, mum."-Boston
Transcript.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
REASONING With POETS
(Reading Searchlight.)

o friends, do not send your home
made poetry to this office and then get
mad at us because it is so crude and
bum We cannot print it! Don't do any
thing that will break UP a friendship OF
long standing! We can't help 1t because
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
spratt Up-to-D Date.

Glenrio Tribune Nov, what follows is a
bit more cheerful. 1t concerns tw,, we'll
known p~ersonages of nursery days:
Jack Spratt could eat no fat. 81 .m5#
His wife could eat no lean; ~
And, twixt the two, ~
They Hooverized, sNfa Il f4tf
And scrapped the platter clean
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
IN CONFIDENCE

DO you understand the Russian situation? n
No" replied Senator Sorghum. but
that doesn't matter. Nobody else under
stands it sufficiently to prevent my ASSUME
Ing all kinds Of superior knowledge, if |
choose"
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
4 SPORT ~REPRovEp

Marriage Is a lotteryl' quoted the osten-
tatious cynic.
"Well.' replied Mr.. Meehton. II guess
Henrietta is right. she IS constantly saying
| never had any business to gamble"
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
eifl.

Las Vegas Journal:-Bllly Sunday says
that old Plate was a '~standpat, free
lunch, piecounter, pitiable lickspittle, tin.
horn, peanut grating, ward.healing, wea-
sel-eyed, rathole of a whisky soaked, God
forsaken politician" From which we OBJ
serve that politicians in Pilates time were
much as they are now.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
Russia Not Licked

Springer Stockman The power OF Trotzky
in Russia did not last long. He got his
price for treason which was all he
wanted. Meanwhile Russia is at the
mercy of the wolves, torn to shreds, but
is not licked yet and will win in the end.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
Also PiHle

Also Piffle
Las Vegas Journal ~ federal judge opines
that there is no legal warrant for the
present federal control of the railroads.
To which the public, more concerned
with winning the war than with split
ting legal hairs, replies categorically.
"Pish-tush!
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
Wahool

Las Vegas Optic;-President Wilson. by ex-
ecutive order, established prohibition IN
the Island Of Oahu. THE Island OF Oahu
is now a dry zone entirely surrounded bt
water.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
New Mexico Patriots
and Americas War
Query for Ham

Las Vegas Optic;-It may be pertinent to
inquire what would now be the situation
of the American army Senator Jim
Ham" Lewis a few months ago was
urging sent post haste to Russia?
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

IF 1T is TRUE that it takes most OF
what the Germans earn to. pay for their
food they are not SO badly fixed. Peo-
pie like them don't need no clothes.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
WHY THE EDITOR LEFT TOWN,

FROM the milwaukee, JOuf1aI.J Y
Mr.. and Mrs. George Gibbs, Washing.
ton, d. G., have been visiting Mr. and
Mrs. George W.. Smith. Mr.. Gibbs left
on Tuesday for Washington. and Mrs,
Smith will join him this. week.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

HOW YOU GETTIN' on wild youah
'rithmetic, Lou?" "Well, | done learn
ed to add up de oughts, but de fggers
bodder me-"
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
rhey Sure win

Springer Stockman:- The American army
in France like the mick who fell out Of
the window, is all right so far. The
boys are always all right in any country,
and will show them a trick or two.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

SOMETIMES when a mans first wife
won't drive him to drink he gets an
other that does.-Roehester Times-Un-
ion sc
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE HUN would look none at home
in a hyena skin; wearing a stone club.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE KAISER feels like a demigod
and acts like a demiiohn.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE EX-CZAR is said to have become
an expert wood chopper since he was
exiled to Tobolsk. The name sounds
like an axe hitting a chunk Of Bolshevik.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE IDEA is to let the Mikado it.
and have the Slav ~japanned,
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

ONE OF THE great mysteries to the
editor is who convinced SO many per-
IONS they are poets.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE sovIETs if that vodka ordi-
nance still holds, must be sodry.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THU CANADIANS are reported to
have taken ON German prisoners
This must be a mistake.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THEY SAY Uncle Tom went to Mex
leo To bring about a better state of feel
ing Between the two governments. Let
no one hastily accuse the envoy extra
ordinary Of failure in his mission. 1t
takes time for these things to work out.
Carfanza may be weeping on the neck
Of Wilson this time next week, with
Paneho dining in the Shoreham with
David Starr Jordan.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

o can't write poetry. We never told
o that YOU could.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

CARRANZA'S recently expressed
friendship for Wilhelm disposes Of the
rumor that victoriano was ambitious to
displace the Kaiser as ruler Of the
Universe. sfss ,l
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

1T is RUMoRED that the following
method is being largely used; take zero,
multiply it by itself ten times, add
twelve ciphers, divide by naught, add
fourteen circles and subtract two
~gooseeggs. HieW
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21
CALL OF THE TRANSPORT

L.
Deft Designer, make me good,
out of steel and seasoned wood;
Quickest, fastest craft afioat;
Faster than the Murder Boat.
II,
6rawny Builder, make me tough;
Build me Of the strongest stuff;
Engine, boiler, keel and coat
strong to foil the Murder Boat.
III.
Sturdy Seamen, man me we'll;
steer me through the Ships OF He'll
Lest my sides Of steel be smote
BY the Hunnish Murder Boat.
Harry Webb harrington in New Yorl
Herald. M y.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

IF TROTzKY would let some those
other vodkayitches talk once in a while
Russia might get somewhere.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

HERE'S A NEW FORMULA for
computing your income tax. Says the
Palestine lTex.) Herald: Take. your
net income and deduct therefrom $500
for each minor, child; then add your
house number, subtract the number of
your automobile and divide the balance
by the age of your wires sister."d /
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE GUY who directs the baby-kiil-
in Hun bomb raids on London is named
Colonel Thompson. Probably adopted
it just to try to blacken a good old
Anglo-Saxon name.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THE LIBERTY MOTOR is referred to
as Uncle Sans humming bird. It's the
advance guard Of Uncle Sans steel.
beaked, iron-clawed, le~atherlunged,
Hun-scratching, bald-headed old Bird OF
Freedom that has never been tanned by
any man-mads OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES never
will be!
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

FOUR HUNDRED army horses pois-
oned in kentucky. Needless to ask By
whom.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

DlNER-Waiter, there's sand on this
bread"
Waiter-"That's to keep the butter
from slipping or"
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

THINK OF THE PooR bonesheanded
Bolsheviki who talks of preparing for
Defense" after being swallowed by
Germany
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

ALL PRO-GERMANS caught in France
have been ordered shot. United States
next!
El Nuevo mexicano., 1918-03-21

IT is a fair assumption that the Ger
mans won't take any of the first syllable
out of Helsingfors. 37atf ~
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1918-09-20
~ -seeeeeee2eeeoeoeoeeeeeeo
tt LASER as | Knew | linn
or Fourteen Years
C0
By ARTHUR N. DAVIS, D. D. S.
Copyright 1918 by the Mcclure Newspaper syndicateJ
By ARTHUR N. DAVIS. D. D. S.

the world despite all he had done to
prevent 1t. His ready, well-chosen
words entrance me, l feel that this
man must be telling me the truth and
/ am ready to believe that before me
stands the most unjustly judged man
In the world.
Al n he shakes my hand in fare
well ;t.... Is driven away. and as gaze
at the spot where he stood, there comes
before my eyes the d. alton Of Bel
GUM, the tragedy of t. .usitania. the
despoliation Of France and Poland, the
destruction of women and children in
London and Paris and thousand and
one other atrocious deeds which belle
the kaiser's fair words, and l realize
that have been talking to the worlds
most finished actor and have simply
been bewitched by the power of his
personal magnetism.
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1918-09-20

gc:ous to them If more American YES
sells were sunk in the ruthless sub
marine campaign they were then con-
templating.
The election was drawing close; it
was necessary to notify Won Berns-
torff of Potsdam's preference the kali
ser believed that perhaps he held the
deciding ballot in his hand in the
shape Of the German-American vote
and he didn't know how to cast 1t.
Hence the eagerness with which they
Intercepted me upon my return from
the 'front."
The interview with the reichskanzler
and the fact that 1t was instigated by
the kaiser indicated to me that Amer
lea occupied most important place
in the kaisers plans. When, a few
months later, we declared war against
Germany, however, all the kaiser's
planning and plotting of years col
lapsed. The edifice he had been so
confidently erecting came crashing to
the ground because 1t was built upon
a false foundation. How elementary
was his expectation that his efforts to
win the friendship of the United
States in time of pence could avail
him anything in the face of his bar
barrie methods of making war!
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1918-09-20
Keep Your Telephone
Directory Up to Date
Correct the following
Errors

7215 DAVIDSON, R. L. Res.
38x HOUX, S. j. Res.
CHANGES
121. BLAKE, j. W. Res.
SO FIDELITY STATE BANK
272 LAMOREUX, PHILLIP Res.
NEW SUBSCRIBERS ~
64l6 BMSHAW, G. A Ranch
6418 BASHAW, FRANK Ranch
642x BRUNING, F. F. Ranch
GAO CALLAND, j. j. Ranch
$50 CUMMINGS, G. w. Res.
OAKS DEAL, HARRY C. Ranch
641x FREAR, CHAS. q
GAG HARDNESS, WALTER C.
643 HATCH, NJ. L.
ga HAY, JAMES H.
GALS LASSLEY BROS.
64xl MANN, WILLIS
649 MOOERS, GULLY
CAT PAULSON, NELS
64x SLOCUM, FRANK r.
648 SMALLEY, CLARK
6417 TEIFL, JOHN
GAP TUCKER, FRANK
| Please cut out this. list and paste in
your directory,
We must insist that you CALL BY
NUMBER.
SAMSON SNYDER
Clearwater Republican. [volume] (Orofino, Idaho) 1912-1922, 1918-09-20

An ad in this paper will do your
business good. Try it. If your bus
mess is not worth talking about
you had better change business.
Gunnison news-champion., 1918-05-03
THE SENIOR CLASS OF
THE 1918 CLASS OF G. C. b. 8

oeesanped fron Firss Paes.
contest last week.
The class has contributed q Ren-
ero1s share to the music departmsut
of IL school.
Six Seniors play In the orcAestra
and i've In the band.
We Seniors are not conceited or
snobbish like some Senior classes, but
we mix with the lower classmen q II
they were also dignified Seniors. We
entertained the Juniors 1t Q dancing
party and were In turn entertained 6
. dinner at the Normal by our prin-
cipal and these Seniors Of next year.
Here and now, we wish to aclInow-
ledge and express our thanks for this
courtesy shown US.
We are now working very hard ON
our Senior Class play to be given a.
our commencement exercises. We arc
confident that our Senior play will be
up to our high standard.
But, after all, the spirit CT the Sem
ior class is the spirit Of all Of the
classes, that Of loyalty to the school
we love and to which we owe SO much.
The Senior class joins with the other
classes in the feeling that now, after
all our wandering about in the home
Of other schools, the Gunnison County
High School deserves a home of ia
own that will be q source of pride to
every citizen Of Gunnison county.
Gunnison news-champion., 1918-05-03
THE COMMUNITY CHURCH

Next Sunday the Protestant church.
es Of Gunnison viii begin their exper-
iment Of Federation in . single Com
munity enterprise. It il believed that
practically everyone goes into II with
entire good will, 80 that in the four
months now beginning the venture
should have . fair trial. The services
are to be held in the Methodist build
ing on account Of its size and organ.
At 1880 .. m. the Sunday School
will meet with closing exercises. at
11:15 wieh there will be musical
program AID ~ address by Rev. White
This 11:15 service commends itself for
the opportunity Il offers Of talking TO
the children and young people. Yet
older folks who do not attend Sunday
School are just as welcome to 1t.
At s p. m. Rev. Ferris win speak on
aOur Widening Field" With the
choirs combined the music viii as-
suredly be real delight. This church
has been organized to meet the wider
community. Let the wider commun-
ity now respond,