The sun., 1918-12-15
H3AR BILL:
~ I've been TO Paris,

~ I've been 10 Paris,
You're going TO hear all about it now.
First, this letter shall have its proper
title: Paris ia Wartime. No book is COM
plete without such letter.
1t is matter of deceney to confess that
my trip was dishonest / had no business
to be in Paris. An official mission had
taken me up toward the front, and upon
the completion of it it was found pos
sible Co return via Paris
1t wasn't necessary. of course. In fact,
there were military punishments against
it, but the lure, as so many other Ameri-
cans have found it, was too great. The
mistake was made when the Allies put a
war in a country anywhere near such
city, with its stately boulevards and lively
thrOngs, with its Avenue de f0pera, the
shops under the arcades of the Rue dc
Rivoli, the sidewalk cafes, the ghostly
splendOr of Notre Dame seen from a dis
tance, Seine bridge, the gardens of the
Tuileries, where / remember once sitting
on bench without penny in my pocket
waiting for a cablegram from home; the
Place de la COncorde, and-but this list
of pleasures must be curtailed to provide
space to tell of the present theme: Paris
IN Wartime
Punch, Conductor!
Yet these delights mentioned above
danced through my head in a carnival of
anticipation as the train ratified Paris
ward. Half way there, and the trip came
near collapsing. A conductor appeared.
He was the first conductor | had ever
seen on a train in France. Trains here
seem TO get along without them, and very
nicely too. Usually there is nobody to
bother you about ticket when YOU get
on or while you're riding or when Won
get off except sometimes fussy little
Frenchman in brass buttoned uniform
at the station door who asks for ticket
or something and to whom You shout:
"Je ne comprends pas Je ne comprends
pas! Pas! Pas! Pas compreew until he
is wearied by the repetition and loses the
conversational struggle by two adjectives
and an acute accent
Whenever they get leave American sol
dlers go touring all over France with this
password instead of ticket. 1t works
better.
But the conductor who put his head
into my compartment said my ticket was
all wrong. Il did have a ticket, Bill
Ny Ordre de transport mentioned a pas
sage from Blank to Blank, but with no
naming Of Paris, magic word! And it
was too late TO fall back on the ie-ne-
cOmprends-pas defence, because l had
wished the conductor health and happi-
ness and lot of other things when 1
handed over the ticket.
Magic Writing.
AT this, as they say, critical juncture, a
French sergeant came to nv rescue. He
was a good comrade. He had been sitting
next to me- When / had asked him, early
in the afternoon, if there was any water
to drink on the ear he had replied:
Water, no! But wine, ali, you like it,
wine2' Thereupon he had produced the
bottle of red wine without which no
Frenchman is complete and neat little
tin cup. l had given him, in return of
hospitality, a sack of Bull Durham This
made him feel as if he were still in my
debt. But for his intervention with the
conductor the trip TO Paris would have
been a failure and l would have been
robbed of the opportunity of giving you
these vivid impressions Of Paris in Var
time.
Monsieur lie Sergeant told the conductor
affably that he, monsieur lie sergeant,
could casily remedy the ticket simplv bv