davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Luke Mcluke Says

Why is it that when you have three umbrellas they are always at the other end of the route every time it rains?
 Anyway, you do not have to dis cover your own mistakes. Your friends will do that for you.
 And judging from Past Perform ances, there won't be such a helluva difference between the September Morn and the July Afternoon cos tunes.
 Even when a woman likes her husband she knows that he is such good natured liar that she never believes half what he says.
 A boy won't admit that it is fool ish to fight until he gets good licking from the other fellow And men are but grown boys.
 Women are better fellows than men. A woman sometimes returns q borrowed umbrella. A man never does.
 Every living creature has some thing to worry it. A dog hasn't any wife, but he has fleas.
 Any old time you hear a man ad- init that he doesn't know it all you can afford to believe anything else he says.
 What has become of the oldfash- toned 10-cent store that used to sell articles for 10 cents?
 The man who makes a three-ring circus out of life when he is young hasn't much of show when he gets old
 A widower could wait 10 years be fore he marries again, but that wouldn't keep the neighbor women from saying that he might have waited until his first wifes body was cold before he went hunting for No. Two.
 Don't forget that the. man who brags about putting one over on a friend will try the same thing on you if he gets a chance.
 While married .man may not take much stock in other proverbs. he knows the reason why his wife is unlucky at cards.
 When man says "nyther" instea' If neither a regular fellow always takes a second look at him to see if the bird is wearing gaucc under his vest, or long stockings, or a red tie.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
AMERICA COULD WIN ALONE.

Lord Northcliffe says America could whip Ger many alone, Sure, and we shall continue to send men over just though had to do it. However, we shall object to having all the assistance Great Britain and France and Italy and Serbia and all the rest give
 But Lord Northcliffe did not by his sug- gestion that the task of whipping Germany should be delayed until the United States do it. That is one of the fine things about this No coun- try is trying impose upon the other. Each of the Allies is going at the war task just as though she had the job do alone And that is the cheaper and more humane way to about it. The more and the harder the blows that given the quicker the war will be over and the quickest way to win the war will prove the cheapest in both lives and money to all who are engaged in it.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Breaking the News Gently

Breaking the News Gently
 Your husband is through workin at the quarry, Mrs. Hogan" said the quarry foreman, when Mrs Hogan opened her door in response to his rapping.
 Was he fired off the job, or did he quit?" asked Mrs. Hogan.
 "He was fired off the job," replied the foreman.
 What did you fire him off the job for?" asked Mrs. Hogan.
 'It wasn't me that fired him off the job, Mrs. Hogan" replied the foreman Ut was a box of dynamite that fired him off the job"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

The Kaiser be moulded upon the breech of his cannon ''The Last Argument of Kings. After the war those will be kept in storage in America and distributed upon the Fourth of July until every American town has received one of em as a gift to show just how far the Kaiser got with his argument beginning, "I shall stand no nonsense from the United States
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Senator Hiram Johnson is still crying
 for free speech.-( Los Angeles Times) No to be stopping Senator Hi from talking and so far have had to pay anything for his advice and counsel.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Fooey! {!

Fooey! Allow much money did Noah take into the Ark with him? B.-None. A.-Yes he did. He took $22.O2 with him. B,-How do you figure that he took $22.O2 with him? B.-Well he took two eagles. That is $2O
 B.-Yes A.-And he took two bucks. That's $2.
 B.-Yes. But how about the two cents?
 A.-Oh, those were the two skunks.
 70. E. D.
 Correct! To worry's foolish.l I'll agree. And it will gain you nothing my friends. But oh. how rich some men would be If worries paid them dividends.
 -Uuke McLuke.) ) Self-confidence. you know, is fine. It's Overdone. though, you'll agree; Were some men smart as they opine. How very, very smart they'd be.
 -(Newark Advocate.) The Kaiser boasts his right divine. And claims the earth is his to get But though three years he's bucked the line. He hasn't got to Paris yet.
 -tDetroit Free Press.)
 Ouch Newlyrich Like the father of
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Henry Ford says he follows his fathers advice. given to him when he first began to vote, "al- ways vote for the best regardless of politics. V Not bad rule to follow but it involves more careful study of men and their principles of action than most voters able to make.-tNew York Word.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Canada has 16.0S0O 900 acres in wheat this year. or 1,5OO,00O more acres than in 1917. Ameri- wheat production shows a similar increase Wars upon grain fields well battlefelds.- (New York Word)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
BITS OF BY PLAY By Luke McLuke Copyright by Cincinnati
 Enquirer
Chaste

Chaste When your straw hat blows off som day, It will be chased like any hat; But the remarks you will say Won't sound a bit like that.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Even if Foch had figured waiting for big American army to help along the offensive he didn't have to wait long.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

For the particular benefit of the all highest 1t is suggested that some of his spies make surreptitious chart of St. Helena Washington POst) We should furnish them chart of Molokai gratis
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Secretary of War Baker has for frs and his recent visit to West Point sat in smoker and changed his clothes in the baggage car.-(Tacoma Ledger.)
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

It will be long while before any Italian living "the Piave complains because it sometimes flows its banks.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

ter" And he did And he sniffed for a few moments and then drove on.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

August 1 the United States will take the last the of $20O, ,00O, 900 of Spanish War bonds. That will be entirely out of the way.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

We swinging to final victory" cries Kaiser. "Victory", Look again, Bill, it's a apple tree
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
When He's In 1t
The Mise Fool

The Wise Fool "No couple is perfectly mated" ob served the Sage.
 How about the couple of aces that complete full house fer you when there is about $20 in the pot?" asked the Fool.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
No Joke

"It says here that there are 15.000, 900 melodies" said the Old Fogy.
 "Yes." commented the Crouch "and they are all based on the orig inal 13"
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Marcus Aureius Antonius l have in structed my son to abstain from rhetoric, poetry and fine writing. Cynique-Don't worry. Your son will never do any fine writing un- less he gets a job as a Police Court Clerk-(Ball Crank)
 Dear Luke: I hear Billy Sunday isn't coming to Cincinnati because, as he says, there is so much Gin in it he cant take it out. But did he ever take anything out of a city except a big roll?-(G. w. A)
 Not a Bad Idea know Pm not selfish stiff, I hope that you will get me; I'd gladly love my neighbor if I thought that she would let me.
 -Luke McLuke. ) Tn such a case we deem it wise . 10 suggest one COHuillOu- Why not approach your neighbor
 first
 And ask her sweet permission?
 -(Walton (Ga.) Tribune. )
 The Candid Barber Card of a barber in Cawker City Kans.:
 "Whiskers Trimmed in All Lan guages" Automatic Haircuts and Hydraulic Shampoos.
 Hospital in Connection. Gas and ChlOrOform. "No charge For Ambulance"
 Our Daily Special You Never Strike a Man Favor ibly When You Hit His Pocket book
 Things To Worry About A COW can stand cold better than ! horse.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
The Modern Maid

"I can't be yours" the maiden said, Depart from here and go afar; I know that would never wed A man who drives a last years
 car'
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

How many Red Cross nurses does German avia- dianapos News
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

The Champion Tightwad
 We saw the champion tightwaG tt Peebles Corner, in Cincinnati, one night last week He had his girl out in his flivver and halted rear the popcorn stand operated by Greek John. He was waiting for officer Dooley to give him the go, ahead signal. The girl inhaled the fragrance of the popping corn and it made her hungry for some. That popcorn smells mighty good, doesn't it?" said the girl. You bet it does he agreed. Lets drive up a little closer, where we can smell it bet,
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

TELEPHONE NUMBER. Fhe telephone number of the Gift Shop is 258.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

Today's News Today-in Empire. THE EMPIRES classifieds pay.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Friends In Need

"A friend in needs a friend indeed They say, but they are wrong,
 said Kelp;
 My friends in need I never heed, For they are all in need of help
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Mean Brute!

Mean Brute! You are always knocking mar riage," said Mrs. Gabb, but it says here that man spends less money after he is married than before You'll admit that is true, won't you?" Sure I will,' growled MT. Gabb He hasn't got 1t to spend"
 When He's In 1t Each Summer he sure gets our goat, We mean the Fool who rocks the
 boat;
 But we know the whole world would
 gain
 If he'd just rock an aeroplane.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Things To Worry About
The Champion Tiahtwad

A COW can stand cold better than | horse.
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10
Miss Albrecht


 As long as women will marry men they cant love and love men they cant marry the revolver factories will be kept busy.
 The other day Luke announced the passing of the envelope combination and the entrance of the Chemaloon And lot of wise guys gave us the haw-haw and claimed that there ain't no such animal as the Cinema loon. All right, just wait Their skirts won't be so oqaque this Sum mer that you won't be able to see the Chemaloons they are wearing.
 That famous Nanalmo coal. Femmer and Ritter. phone IA. The finest the market affords in 'eason at the Alaska Grill '''
 ---o-
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

OUT DdTTy 0peCTdI You Never Strike Man Favor ably When You Hit His Pocket book
The Alaska daily empire., 1918-07-10

The finest the market affords in Ieason at the Alaska Grill. ~"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12
CONTAGIOUS DISEASES

There are a large number of pla-
-carded homes in the city, largely for
measles and whooping cough. The
following are contagious diseases re-
ported since our last issue:
Alice Hack, 727 Humboldt street.
measles; Mildred Schroeder, 702 South
Sixth avenue, measles; Edward Seim,
1913 Second street, Ralph Berth, Gil
Sherman street, measles; Donald
Book, Sturgeon Eddy road, measles :;
Miss Mae Roach, 107 Franklin street,
diptheria; Jose Wood, 1907 South
Eleventh avenue, whocping cough !;
Helen Luebchow, 329 North Third
avenue, measles; Eva Edwards, rs
North Fourth avenue, whooping cough /;
Ruth Otto, 122 South Fifth avenue.
whooping cough; Evelyn Halter. 113
South Second avenue, whooping cough :
Ina Dernbach, rs Arthur street. scar
let fever; Lydia Roach, 107 Franklin
street, diptheria; Edward Briver. 1912
Fourth street, measles: Carl Gerhardt
and Helen and Margaret Ziebell, 324
Lincoln avenue, measles; Harvey
Wolfardt. 315 Chicago avenue, meas
les; Ernest Lombard, sos Humboldt
avenue, measles: Dorothy Cooper,
111512 Sixth street, measles; Stella
Gossage. 1908 Sixth street, measles
Esther Lund, 511 Mcintosh street,
measles; two children of Mr.. and
Mrs. Frank Alexander, lis Edwards
street, whooping cough.
The cases reported above as measles
are light attacks of German measles
or rubella, and not the real measles.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12
RED CROSS NOTES

An electric cutting machine has
been installed in the local Red Cross
work rooms, and has already proven
of great aid to the workers. The
machine works like an automatic
scissors.
A registration of women, who can
work on farms is liable to be taken
by the U. S. Department of Labor.
A. l.. Barkman, chief of the division
of farm service, states that he hopes
our country will never have to make
it necessary for our women to do
heavy work on farms, but he thinks
they could help greatly in truck gar
dens, fruit gathering and dairy work
Branch chapters of Marathon coun-
ty are continually sending in their
share of finished Red Cross articles.
The schools in our city these days
are busy getting 100 per cent in the
Junior Red Cross. Some schools have
already reached that mark, while
others are mighty close to the 100 per
cent. Entertainments have been given
for this purpose by different rooms
and the teachers are working hard to
bring every room up TO the above
standing.
Yesterday examinations for gradu-
ates of the course in standard surgical
dressings was held at the Red Cross
headquarters under the direction of
Miss Florence Alexander. There
were twenty-seven in the class, and
they presented Miss Alexander with a
basket of beautiful spring flowers.
The Wausau Telephone company
sent a check of $500 to the Marathon
County Red Cross chapter yesterday,
as a contribution.
The Business Women's Service
League for Overseas Relief, shipped
Friday to the American Fund for
French Wounded, New York City, 100
garments for the destitute women and
children of France. These garments
are made and paid for by business
women of Wausau. Any business wo-
man who would like to fall in and
help may do so by calling at the
Quality shop.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12
All Circus Rings Same Size.

Railway tickets are the same size
all over Britain and the continent and
America-viz., two and one-quarter
Understand have been so for the last
so years. This surely indicates
world wide tendency to standardize.
Every builders ladder is built to
scale, and the fireman's ladder is on
the scale of the seaInan's run up the
ratlines, not the bricklayer's trudge up
the wooden rungS. But perhaps the
greatest triumph of standardizing is
that of the circus. London Tit-Bits
says: There are big and little circuses
in the world, but the ring is always
of the same diameter, for the bare
back rider has discovered the exact
angle ar which he can square the cir
Gle. No matter whether it be ring
cut in the turf or q luxuriously APP
pointed theater. the circus ring never
varies a foot.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12

The Ladies' Aid society of the First
Universalist church will be enter
tanned Wednesday afternoon by Mrs.
W. B. Heinemann, 901 Fulton street,
assisted by Mrs. John Ross.
The Sewing society of lions church
will be entertained by Mrs. Otto Sorges
and Mrs. Frank Tiller in the basement
of lions school house tomorrow af-
ternOon.
n st. Elizabeth's society of st. Mary's
church will be entertained tomorrow
afternoon at the home of Mrs. Jacob
Metz, corner of Henrietta and Seymour
streets.
The regular meeting of the Ladies'
Auxiliary of st. Mary's hospital was
held at the Wausau Club house Fri
day morning at ten o'clock.
The Baptist Ladies' Aid society will
have an all day session TOMORROW at
the home of Mrs. A 1. Lathrop. Red
Cross work will be done.
Red Cross work was done by the
Kawakiyan club Friday afternoon.
The members were entertained by
Miss Josephine Coates.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12

to run. This kind of sugar will be a
very good substitute for the cane
sugar, which is a scarce product. 1t
is also urged that all those making
maple sugar put it into cakes instead
of cans. There are two reasons for
this, the first being that the sugar is
more apt to spoil in cans, and the
other, that there is a shortage of cans,
and we are also to save cans for
other purposes. 1t is hoped that a
great many will go into the maple
sugar business this season.
Among the many big movements I'M
der way is the national inventory of
child strength, which is to be taken.
Every child il this state under six
years of age is to be weighed and
measured and after the completion of
this work these figures are to be COM
pared with the standard weights and
measurements. County chairmen are
being appointed for this campaign, and
they will look after their respective
districts. A certain place will be ar
ranged in every community to bring
the children for this purpose, where
there will be proper scales and reliable
persons to take the weights and
measurements. This information is to
go on'record cards. One copy will be
sent to Washington, one copy to the
child welfare committee of the State
Council of Defense, and one copy will
be kept in the community. Mrs. G. d.
Jones, chairman of the child welfare
committee, and representative of that
organization on the Woman's COM
mittee of the Marathon County
Council of Defense, will have charge
of the work in this county. The pur-
pose of this movement is to save child
life.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12

st. Cecelia's court, No. 357, w. c. o.
F., had business meeting at the X, C.
hall last Tuesday evening. Among
other business transacted was the
election of the following officers:
Chief Ranger-Katherine Helling.
Vice Chief anger-Matilda Malloy
Financial ecretary-Louise Wies-
ner.
Recording Secretary-Mary Strupp.
Treasurer-Louise Hildensperger.
Trustees-Mary Mayer, Elizabeth
Schreier, Anna Plier.
Conductresses-Ros Plier, Mary
Hildensperger.
Sentinels-Celia Burek, Monica
Hauer.
Musician-Alia Goyette.
Chaplain-Rev. J.. B. Hauck.
The Presbyterian Sunday school
class No. SO, has organized a club
"Facta Non Verba," meaning Deeds
and Not Words" Officers were elect
ed as follows:
Directors Mrs. Reeves.
observation-disclosures Renneburg.
Vice-Pres-Nettie Kruger.
Sec. and Treas.-Ruth Friedrich.
The club will meet once in two
weeks at the members homes, where
they will work for the Red Cross and
the children of Belgium.
The Monday Evening Study club was
entertained at the home of Miss Nell
Dunbar last evening, at which time
Mrs. w. e. Curtis gave a reading on
Children of Earth" by Brown. Miss
Antoinette Huntington will be hostess
Tuesday instead of Monday evening,
because of M. X. Reilly's lecture and
the scheduled program is:
Current Topics-Leader, Miss Cora
Lansing, Mrs. J. NJ Kuebler, Miss
Hermione Silverthorn.
Miss Anna Easto G., who has been
visiting at the home of Mrs. J. P.
Briggs, left Monday noon for Ripon,
to visit sister, after which she will
return to her home in New York City.
While here Miss Easton and her
hostess were entertained at different
times by the following ladies: Mes
danes Walter Alexander, w. w. All
bers, Frank G. Dana, H. y. Evans,
and j. B. Goerling and Miss Margaret
Alexander.
At the meeting of the Christian En-
deavOr society of the Mary Poor
Memorial chapel, held at the home of
Mrs. A. Wilterding last Tuesday even
ing, the members decided to give
play, "The New Minister" following
the Lenten and Easter season.
Mrs. ]. P. Werle will entertain the
Sewing society of st. Paul's church
tomorrow afternoon at her home, COZ
South Fourth avenue.
The Christian Endcavor society of
Mary Poor Memorial will have a st.
Patrick's day social on Monday.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12
SHORT ITEMS

The past week has been busy one
for snow shOvelers.
Ex-Governor Francis E. McGovern,
has withdrawn from the senatorial
race.
Furniture repaired and uphol-
stored. Kiefer Furniture Co. Tele-
, phone. 1909. adv If.
Congressman M. K. Reilly of Fond
du Lac, will speak at Mosinee tomor-
row evening.
The Marathon County Council of
Defense will meet this evening, at
the court house.
Carl Bruessell of Lincoln county,
committed suicide on Saturday by
shooting himself.
Sheep for the boys and girls club
Of Marathon county arrived to the
number of 80 ewes.
Ed Anderson of Minneapolis, a
brother of the late Mrs. A. A. Book
died at his home in the above named
city, yesterday.
At 1885 o'clock Saturday evening
No. 3 was called to the home of C..
S. Gilbert, 304 Franklin street, to care
for a chimney fire.
At 1875 the same evening No. was
called to the home of Mrs. Emma
Fackler, 315 Jefferson street, to attend
to a chimney fire.
The Seed Stock commission and the
Bankers Association Agricultural COM
mittee meet in Madison today. C. G!
Kruger is in attendance, from this
city.
Last Friday night three hams were
stolen from the Kieffer Bros. market.
They were later discovered back of a
nearby fence, but no trace has been
found of the thieves.
The conservation of food commit
tee of the Marathon County Council of
Defense, has had war recipes" printed
on cards, and any one desiring these,
can get them at the public library.
Workmen are now engaged in fin
ishing the job of pouring of concrete
for the spandrel walls of the new falls
bridge. After which they will soon
engage in the same line of work for
the railing which surmounts the walls.
Here's a chance for the boys and
girls to earn a little thrift stamp
money. Save all your tin cans and
bring them to 0. c. Callies, who will
give you one cent for each half dozen.
Must be clean and have the labels off.
adv. m 12-W2
The young men of the Wausau high
school have been organized into a
Boys Working Reserve to labor in
various ways for their country, pTin-
cipally on farms. Messrs. Tobey and
Painter explained the plan to the boys
and the active campaign for enrolling
will be continued for some time.
EX-Congressman NJ X. Reilly of
Fond du Lac. comes here next Monday
evening, to give an address on the
war, under the auspices of the local
Elks' lodge. The lecture will be given
in the opera house, free of charge,
and the Wausau Elks' will stand the
expenses. 1t is hoped that the opera
house will be taxed to it's capacity.
Miss Anne Rankin of the Wausau
public schools urges the making of a
great deal of maple sugar this sea
son. The time is now at hand to get
ready for this, as the sap is beginning
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-03-12
DOING GOOD WORK

A st. Johns, n. B., paper says:
THE Allies have been supplied with
foodstuffs from this section of the
country during one of the most trying
periods of the war, which was due to
the good work of the Canadian Pacific
r. r. H. c. Grout, general superinten-
dent of the Canadian Pacific r. R.
New Brunswick division, has been on
the road month after month working
day and night to keep freights moving
and avoid any congestion. That he
succeeded is shown from the fact that
the huge grain elevator in West st.
John is filled to its capacity and, in
240 cars are standing await
ing the removal of some of the grain
to steamers, after which they also will
pass through the elevator"