The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1918-04-18
YOU POOR FISH AL
(By Ring w. Lardner)

In Camp, March 15.-Friend Al.
Well AL | am sorry to hear about you
getting MIXED out of that money but
still and all you should ought to be
thankful they didn't get you for the
whole $4,000 instead of Just $50. 90
and | don't see how anybody only a
u wit could invest " Of their save
ings in a gag like that and if a man
really did invent a maggot that would
draw L boats up on top of the water
they could sell it to President Wilson
and Frank Daniels for a trillion dol
lars cash money and they wouldn't
have TO hot foot from house to house
like they was trying to pedal a ball
bearing potato peeler or something.
But listen Al if | was you | wouldn't
20 hireing no atty. and try to get your
money back because that would be
Just like throwing good money after
bad money as they say because by
Tins time the guy is probably hideing
in Russia someWheres and has growed
a beard SO as he will look like every
body else and ven if you was to go
Ger there and see him you wouldn't
know for sure if it was him or Ker-
ensky or this here Don Cossack.
But instead of that Al | would just
forget it and if you want to keep the
[ boat elevator stock or whatever you
call it for a souvenir why O. X. but
YOU better do something with that
other 5000 before somebody else
comes along and sells you a season
ticket to the post office and if | was
YOU Al | would do what | told you to
do last fall and that is buy one OF
these liberty bonds with the $4,000
and if you had Of took my advice you
would of sank the whole $4,000 in
them last fall and now you wouldn't
be- crying over sour milk as they say,
but you would have a safe investment
that you don't only have to think about
it twice per annum and that's when
you so to the bank and collect the
int. money and the int. money is
money you can spend on something
you want and not something you cot
10 have, because it zones like a kind
OF a bonus from the government for
helping them out when they needed
it.
Buying a liberty bond Al is some
thing like buying a ticket to the ball
game only they's a whole lot of diff
ference. When a man buys a ticket
to the ball game he is helping to pay
the ball players their salary but he
don't get no pleasure out of thinking
about that but all the pleasure he gets
is setting up there and watching the
game and if his team has a bad day
and he is disguised with them he can't
go down to the box office and get his
money back and if he even asked for
it he would be lucky if they didn't
bust him in the jaw. And of course
IL IL ; Il SOOu game ana he enjoys II
he don't want his money back and
wouldn't get it if he did.
But when you buy a liberty bond
Al you feel good because you know
you are helping to keep Uncle Sans
players from ~starveing to death and
you also know they will be up on their
toes all the while and doing their best
and you know your team is going to
win, and then after the game is over
matter how much you enjoyed
watching your team win, Uncle Sam
your money besides g%iveing
you int. on it all the time he has got
it. Can you beat that Al? I'll say
you can't.
So don't be a sucker Al but take
my advice this time and get a hold of
one of these bonds before the wise
alexis hogs them all and don't throw
away that other $4,000 on a patent
electric flee chaser or something.
Your pal, Jack.