Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-03
This is certain:

This IS certain:
! Whether Congress gives the Post Of
| fee Department authority to run the
| telephones of the District or not, the
Post Office Department stands ready to
undertake the job.
| Those officials whose duty it is to
| handle the mails as they should be
| handled are quite confident that they
can handle the other means of intelli-
| gence. as telephones and telegraphs are
| known, in the same way.
Merritt o. Chance. the city postmas-
ter, in all probability will be director
general of telephones of the National
Capital If Congress should empower the
Post Office Department to take over
| and operate the local system.
Chance is a busy man. He has got
to be doing several mems work in or
der to be happy. Now that the Billy
Sunday campaign is over and Chance is
through his duties as chairman of the
local committee, all he has left to do is
run the city post office and the affairs
of the local board for draft division
No. 3.
Those who know Chance believe that
if he were constituted director general
of District phones he would make
things hum.
Here is a promise and a hope held
out to Washingtonians who, in recent
months. have become at times exas-
perated with certain telephone condi-
tions:
One day last week Chance, in at
tempting to telephone concerning af-
fairs connected with the Sunday cam
paign. encountered difficulty with the
telephone.
In the middle of his conversation he
was "cut of" Then ensued a series of
ear-splitting noises. which could be
heard at some distance from the phone.
The noises continued for several min
utes.
At last the postmaster hung up the
phone in disgust, and as he turned
away he was heard to say, in jocular.
tone:
There won't be ANYTHING like that if
I run the telephones"
~
Now that spring seems on the way. I
am put in mind of something that hap
pened to certain popular young en-
ploye of a certain indispensable gov
eminent department.
These happenings occurred last
spring, so if you feel the call of the
wild soon, remember these lines, and
beware.
Look well to your eyeglasses. you
specialized readers. You should worry
If eyeglasses and spectacles are not
exactly the same-it's the same family.
The birds were singing last spring:
the sun was warm; all nature was in
dulging in harmony. The government
employee rounded up a party of friends,
one of whom owned launch, and the
crowd went down the river for an out
ing.
The employee of Uncle Sam took along
with him four pairs of eyeglasses, as
they were to stay down river several
days, and as eyeglasses are easily
broken.
During the days that ensued three
pairs of glasses were broken, until he
had gotten down to his last pair.
One evening the party took a trip in
through some mismanagement, the car
went over In the ditch, and it's con-
tents spilled into the road.
Nobody was hurt, but the govern
ment employee had that last pair of
glasses knocked OF his nose.
unable to find the aids to vision. The
man had the notion that they had fall
en- on the grass, and were unbroken.
He chung to this hope after they had
returned to the launch and gone be-
low to the cabin.
"Jim," he. told the colored man-of-
all-work they had along. tomorrow
morning early you go back up the
road to where we had that spill last
night and see IL you can't ind my
glasses."
The next morning. when the govern