The Elk Mountain pilot., 1918-05-23
Command Of German Agents to
Put Hands Down Fails to
Get Approval.
IN The CONFLICT TO WIN
America Has Never Resorted to War
Except to Avenge Insults and to
Protect Herself Against
Maurauders.
BY ELLIS PARKER BUTLER.

Clean, unadulterated nonsense can
always get a laugh from me. I love
It and SO do most Americans. I re-
member one bit of Weber and Fields
seriously acted nonsense that always
left me gasping for breath. 1t was
the silliest, most incOnsequentlal bit
of acting that genius ever dared to put
in a show that cost the spectator So
seat. 1t was prize fight between
Weber and Fields, and one of those
matchless comedians showed the other
how to do it. They put up their
money and put on the gloves, and i'm
mediately the rank amateur began to
batter the wise one over the head, but
that was not the way to do 1t. The
wise one explained that that was not
at all the proper way to do 1t. He
explained that he would show the
poor amateur the right wny. He
stood the poor amateur Just where he
wanted him, turned his face to the
proper angle and then arranged his
hands. He stepped of and considered
the poor amateur but he did not feel
just satisfied. He arranged the hands
again. placing them down at the sides
of the poor amateurs legs. Then he
told him to keep them there. Then he
stepped up quickly and hit the poor
amateur a whale of blow in the face
and knocked him clear across the stage
and into the wings. 1t was awfully
funny everyone in the house screamed
with Joy. The poor amateur was such
q fine example Of simple-minded. con-
hding idiocyi
have to laugh in the same uncon-
trolled why when I see the conflding
manner In which some Americans are
letting the willy but treacherous Ger
man peace propagandists convince
them that we ought to let our hands
hang at our sides. turn our faces mt
the right angle, and stand in idiotic
poses until we get the blow In the face
that will knock us into the wings. For
pure, unadulterated nonsense the act
being staged by the wise German
agents and the simple-minded peace
lovers Is enough to make anyone sick
with laughing.
On the one hand is a Germany IN
arms, with millions of veteran soldiers
and an armament such as no man
other hand, our simple-minded peace
lovers would have us pose as the poor
amateur. "Stand here, turn your head
this way. put your hands down Mt your
sides." say the German agents. and the
purchased or infatuated peace propa-
gandists echo, "Stand here, turn your
head this way. put your hands down
at your Sides" A fine future for the
great American nose II he did 1t!
Germany Wants Control.
II America keeps her hands down.
she will be knocked not only into the
wings but off the stage. and of the
earth. With America out Of the war,
the best that can be hoped is drawn
battle, ending with a "hands orr
peace, and leaving Germany, as the
saying is, "all dressed up and no.
where to CO." Germany's "all dressed
up" will mean Germany dressed in
hardened. veteran armies, in trained
commanders. in the finest possible mill
ltary equipment, and with an untouch-
ed navy, vast air force, and no one
knows how many submarines. The
nowhere to go" will mean Africa and
nominations. But there will be one
place where Germany, "all dressed
up," can go. She can come to Amer
lea. She can come to South America
irst, or to Mexico and that is where
she will come and where she has
planned to come.
What happens when German agents
even partially convince a goodly num-
ber of persons that the right way is to
turn the cheek and hold the hands
down can be seen in Russia. Russia is
not well-trained actor. She would
never get n job playing Weber
Fields burlesque in 50 theater. She
will not keep her hands down when
the German agents tell her to put
them down. but she hns lowered them
once or twice. Russia is far, far from
happy.
I cannot believe that any sane per
I son not in German pay can wish the
/ United States to become as Russia is
today, but that is exactly what will
/ happen If we listen to the German
agents and put our hands down now.
Let me put 1t most simply. The great
/ body Of Americans believe today, as
they should, that our continued exist
ence depends on our own military
preparation. A small, noxious body
of German agents and purblind peace
lovers are crying, "Put our hands
downi Put our hands DOWN." Sup
pose listen to the cry and begin cry
ing the same words. am added to
their number. cry. "Put our hands
downi Put our hands down." You
listen to me and are added to the
number. You echo the cry. Suppose
the majority of Americans come to that
same way Of thinking. The majority
| svy1os aud ~o Ho v,,,< n,,r hands doxv1a