The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1918-12-26


prevail, in many other homes the
thought Of Xmas br,ngs little Joy or
happiness-war and pestilcnce have
been upon us and ther: will be many.
vacant chairs at the Annas board
land many there be who will long for
the touch of VANISHED, hand and the
sound of voice, that is srilled--you
have a wonderful opportunity of car
rying the Xmas cheer and sunshine
into homes less fortunate than your
own-and by doing 9. help some
lonely heart to see the rift in the
clouds which hang 5" darkly over
head-yoI may not be able to carry
to them gifts bought with gold. but
you can carry far richer gilt worth
none the less because it costs you
nothing and that is a hearty hand
clasp and a cheerful st,;;c In the
JOY of our we'll being let. not forget
the opportunities that are ours. BE
| it ours to carry smiles and good
cheer and exemplify indeed the
spirit of Peace on Ea1th-Good will
| Toward Men--shall we not do this?
will we:
"A person who once was a MEM
Der of society foe the prevention
of cruelty to animals and other in
sects, asked my opin'.l on the many
forms of punishment. suggested for
the kaiser. He said ne thought that
they were barbarous and inhunan
and aked me if | wc,,!, mt suggest
more hum..ne plan--I told him of
plan which | thought would be less
painful ami at the same time be very
effective and which iclt would meet
the approval of most folks. Gener-
ally it is this Compel the Kaiser to
stand "ankle deep" in a tank Of wa
ter for ten day. why, said he,
you could hardly call that punish
ment, human as | am | don't think
your plan quite severe enough. "Wait
let me explain, | mean to place him
in the tank up side down or head
first"
In reading the lisr Of "mi!liunaires"
in the United States a few days ago ]
names of some folks of my home
town who (udgin from the spread of
sail they carry) l supposed were in
that class were misSin, possibly this
is Cor wa.l an oversight on the part
of the statistician, but until assured
of the fact that it Wa, ior Is amt
goin to give err al! OF the sidewalk
the next time meet thcu,.
l carefully read the advertise
ments not with the intention rf
taking advantage ri the glittering
opportunities, but to sort OF keep in
touch with who's who and what they
have to sell. IN rcarly all OF them
this statement occurs, THE price
will surprise you'll" Whether this is
meant to alleviate the sufferin' or to
keep folks afflicted with a weak
heart away. | don't know, but take
it from me, the statement is true,
(the prices will surprise you.)
Lift the ban on horseflesh!-
Headline. Jdst about what l expect
ed. We no sooner get rid of one
epidemic than they foist another on
us. Influenza is almost a thing of
the past and now l look for an cpl
bolts. Maybe all OF 'em. o. we'll.
such is life in war times. The choir
will please sing cold Gray Horse
Come Tearin' from the Wilderness"
opine from all | can learn that
Job was the most tient of men.
Pm only tellin' what I've heard q
never met Job) You see Job was
with boils, bunions, blisters,
in-growing toe nails, flat feet and a
lot of poor relations and many other
vexatious appurtenances thereto be
longing usually acquired when a man
Yes, l am sure Job was
patient, but Job never tried to crank
a Ford on a cold, frosty mornin.
Kansas Notes-If the idea of feed
ing the Germans is to prevent Boil
T evism, the Dodge City Globe urges
Mr.. Hoover to take care that no
spinach is sent over among the sup
plies.-Also. let me advise that no
sauer kraut nor wild onions be in
Guided in the menu.
When | go up town, especially ii
am travelin' down wind, the people
On the street scatter like a flock of
rails. If | approach a bunch OF ,
v ''isperse. If go into a store the
Jerks all hike for the basement and
IN officer wouldn't dare come close ..
nough to arrest me. He would use
/ phone. Why? do you ask Have :
got the flu. No, no. Worse than /.
at. I'm eatin' onions and garlic
Tree times a day (and at bed time)
IS preventive.
When in Doubt, Abstain.-Bacon !:
Discretion in speech is more than
locuence. When you doubt, abb :,
ain. Yes. and another man has
aid "When in doubt-take a drink
% there you are. Take your choice
nd don't blame me if you 60 wrong. Z
A fellow told me he liked poetry
o much that he felt that he could c
;e happy readin' poetry. l just says =
o him. says I. take a tip. from me
Id top and lay off of my poetry or G
on may debut you won't die hap \
"
1t isn't what we want G
That makes us fat n
It's what we get.
| musta missed a lot
OF things at that a
But I'm reachin' yet.
Rnad;nu ,,,akA<h f,,11 ,,,ao-Ad h