The Ordway new era., 1918-11-29

tTencn uOOT INC u1ah Va sno Aoo
"opens a window overhead and scrutin-
Lies you from above. would not be
lsurprised to learn that the idea OF
the observation balloon came from
this. II you look good you get ser
vice, IL not everything 1t fini. I will
explain what 1 mean by this.
FINI is the most expressive woro
| in existence. To pronounce II prop
lerly is no small accomplishment. Ac-
lcording to the best French usage II
lis pitched about seventeen octaVes
above middle c. and is invarfbiy ac-
companied by a contortion OF the
shoulders, a convulsino of the arms
and n green persimmon expression on
the face. To speak the word thusly
requires exhnusting practice and IN
wolves considerable social risk. AS
| to the meaning of the word 1t can be
substituted for any Of the following'
the article demanded is no longer in
stock; the Joint Is closed; set up the
pins in a new alley; pick up the mar
bles; you don't look good to e.Jack;
beat it; Mister (or Mrs.) Seaux ana
Seaux had kicked the bucket; etc.
The French are very appreciative
of fayors. In this respect they re-
semble the Indians. A friend and J
once donated a poor Frenchman with
few Lucky Strikes. Immediately
the recipient became possessed with
the conviction that the only fitting
reward for us was to be introduced
at once to the two pretty daughters
of the local millionaire. My friend
spoke French pretty badly ana l
little worse, SO we decided to make
the adventure. We climbed the long
est hill in France to the residence OF
the said Millionaire. One of the daugh-
ters met us at the door and ushered
us inside. 1 felt weak and made for
the nearest chair This, Of couse,
was because of the long hill climb.
The madame was preparing supper.
Presently the other daughter entered
and spoke to us as II she were In the
habit of receiving callers every fifteen
minutes. They asked us q few ques-
tions to find out II we were intelli-
gent, which my friend answered.
for some reason not being able to con
meet up my vocal organs. When l
did finally recover myself l couldn't
think of anything to say and so didn't
get credit for it. They poured us
some wine as per custom. To refuse
such an invitation is to declare your
self a social bum. To get 1t over 1
tossed off the whole glass and sub
sequently suffered the embarrassment
OF seeing that the others had taken
but a sip. In about a minute / felt
better acquainted with the young lady
next to me and spoke to her concern
ing the weather. l found her very
responsive and soon we had lively
conversation going upon this absorb
ed no other than the millionaire him
SELF This rather upset things and
the detail had to he reorganized. He
took Up a position opposite me with
the table Intervening. soon began
to realize that things were to go on
Just as they had before the company
became a crowd. had Just thought
we were booked for the evening when
my friend nudged me and told me
to drink my wine. 1t was time to go.
I looked at the glass on the table
Ugh! The madame was either gen.
erous or curious or both. 1t was
brimful. I resigned myself to my fate
and went bravely to my social OBJ
legations. On the way back ponder
ed on the utter impossibility of my
ever becoming a society lion in
France.
My company has been lucky in that
there never has been a casualty in it.
We have been In some tight places.
too. We were visited with an air
raid not long ago. AS usual 1t hap
pened during the night. Half the
company was on its knees and the
ether half was in bed. No doubt you
have read of air raids until you have
wearied of the subject, but take 1t
from me, you will pick up interest II
you ever experience one, An air raid
will put pep into any ordinary dead
town. or course there are some that
would require high explosive bar
rage. but for most cases an air raid
would be sufficient. II you can i'm
agine a boiler factory dropped from
a height of ten thousand feet into
n lumberyard full of stats you may
get faint idea of the annoying
tendencies of the explosion of an
aerial bomb.
Outside of such experiences as
these our principal source of exercise
is "cooties." My eyes swell up with
tears at mention of this subject. But
think my emotion is excusable. Are
not "cooties" our most faithful
friends? / have seen many with three
and four service stripes. Are they
not our closest friends? They get
right between us and our underwear
For any one so prevented as to wish
to get rid of them l recommend the
following procedure Strip to the
waist. Place mirror in the fore
ground. The "cooties" seeing this
are deluded into thinking they are
looking at a new set of ribs and jump
for 1t. For further information see
Century under the heading "Louse."
do not wish you to get the i'm
preston from anything I have written
in this letter that ! am trying to
throw mud at the French. because
am not. Tis true we are far in ad-
vance of them In industrial develop
ment, and a blind rat could walk over
their moral standard without trip
ping. but 1t is well to remember that
France is one solid battle ground and