Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1918-03-14
How Europe Was Made
Safe for Royalty
Scopyright, 1917. western Newspaper Union.
By OSCAR cox

copyright 1917. Western Newspaper Union.l
There was once principality some!
where in Europe-the censor has taken
the principal points out of this story
whose territory consists of only a few
square miles. The prince being of thu
blood royal and an associate on equal
terms with the other sovereigns of Eu4
style though he did it on an infinitely
small scale. He had one general, one
judge, one executioner. His army con.
sisted of hundred men divided into
ten companies consisting Of ten men to
company. Everything else was on q
proportionate scale. But the general,
except when on duty, was butcher
the judge the only policeman in the
principality, and the soldiers were
laborers. The executioner was the
parson officiating over the little church
20 by 80 feet in area, one-third of
which is taken up by the royal pew.
The parson was a meek little man in
competent to decapitate a chicken.
All worked well in the fprincipality
for many years. There were no crimi.
nails to try, or to punish, the prince
spent his time visiting his royal rela-
tives, so that his living was provided
for, and the people, who We're taxed
only to provide for the royal pocket
money, We're happy.
Then suddenly came trouble. The
general of the army was caught in the
act of treason. A neighhoring king,
whose territory consisted of many mil
lions of square miles, wanted the prin-
cipality for pasture for his cows,
and bribed the general of the prince
for consideration, to let down the
bars of the fence incosing the prince
ly territory, and admit the kings army
without resistance on the part of the
princes forces. The plot being dis
covered in time, the other European
sovereigns frowned upon it and
stopped it. Had it been carried
through they would have held con-
ference and in order that the peace Of
Europe might not be disturbed would
have winked at it. AS 1t was, the only
action required was to try the general
for high treason and cut off his head.
But the Judge, who, it has been said,
was only policeman, knew nothing
about law and was incapable of con-
Quoting trial. The prince got over
the difficulty by ordering trial behind
closed doors; and when they were
opened warrant was produced by
which the general was condemned to
death. 1t was taken to the prince, who
signed 1t, and the pen with which he
affixed his royal signature was sent to-
the sovereign of the most powerful en-
pire as token that imperialism was
absolute in the principality.
, 1t remained now only to carry out
the sentence by beheading the general.
A meeting of the privy council was
held, at which it was unanimously
agreed that the eXecutioner could not
be relied upon to carry out the SEN
tence and the members deliberated
what was to be done in the premises.
One suggested that the general, being
a butcher, was far better fitted to cut
off his own head than the eXecutioner,
who was parson. Whereupon another
member suggested that the two be sur
reptitiously made to change places and
the butcher be made to cut off the
head of the parson. This would sat
isfy the powers
But the prince, who was a just SOW
ereign would not hear of such u nefa-
rious deed, and dismissed the council,
saying that he would lay a plan for
carrying out the sentence himself Un-
til such time as he could find an exc
cutioner he would take the generals
parole and release him from confine-
ment. The general willingly gave his
word not to leave the principality and
the next morning was to be seen peace
fully swinging his cleaver in his
butcher shop.
Now the king of that country who
desired the principality for his COW
pasture-remember that this story has
been censored and all names have been
notwithstanding that the general was
engaged at his usual business, sent a
deputation to the prince to protest
against such fragrant omission of q
royal duty to punish treason, repre-
senting that If such leniency were
practiced by the crowned heads of Eu-
rope the world would at last be cursed
with all the horrors Of democracy.
9 To this the prince replied that rather
than see this he would consent to the
massacre of every one of his subjects.
The leader of the deputation replied
to this that If the prince so desired his
royal master would send his own exc
cutioner to decapitate the general
] A few days later the kings execu-
toner arrived. His guard Of honor
numbered five hundred men armed
with the most deadly implements of
modern warfare. They took the gen.
eral from his shop and the kings exc
cutioner dispatched him. Then the
prince was shot down, and when the
executioners were finished there was
not q human heinp left in the nrincf.