Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-05-14
THE OTHER ANGLE
Paging the Ice Man
BY KIRK MILLER.

Just about the time we thought the g.
cent brick of ice had been eliminated
from the curriculum like appendicitis,
| adenods and wheat -four. Hash Com
missioner Wilson hoped into the de-
bate and decided in favor Of jitney ice
f. o. b. the trapped water wagon. That
decision will go down in history as one
Of the most famous pieces Of jurispru-
dence ever rendered in favor of the pub
lie since America was given title in
fee simple to the Prune Islands, which
lie midway between the boarding house
menu and the Skipstopian mountains.
A decision in a Washington food clinic
wouldn't be a legal rendition unless it
was all cluttered up with amendments
and other corrugated impedimenta.
Everything they act on up at Congress
clock is of ticks, or a dog, or a bed
but who cares?
So Food Secretary Wilson pinned a
suburban edition on his famous sum-
ming up of the ice situation, which
sounds more like subtraction to the
housewiffs. He ruled that in order to
inherit nickel chunk of CONCEALED
chasers you have to deport your nickel
to the wagon together with your dish
pan. bunions and kitchen apron. The
ering embryo orders f. o. b. the ice
chest entrance. and the least possible
consignment of caked frigidity they will
tong to your bevo stable is cargo that
calls for thin dime at the end of the
journey.
All bills of lading must accompany
deliveries and official weight is to be
cOmpueted at the inception of the trip
from the ice ambulance to the former
beer cooler. Accordingly, a great deal
II or oh tro rryiI ton
chased on the nickelola plan this sum-
mer. You take your nickel to the ice
wagon and the ice peddler will deposit
the ice on your coin. If you don't care
papers. just whistle down the dumb
waiter and the dumb ice man will de-
post the ice on your feet and charge
you dime for the favor. If you can
go to the drip wagon yourself you save
five cents and five bunions.
Chessir. the only way you can get ice
in Washington for jitney is to page it
yourself with five-cent medallion and
don't try to pawn off any pewter nickels
on the gent who carves the ice. He was
profitable business. and If there is any
one thing that he knows when he tastes
it. il is a lumber nickel. So save up all
your bum cash for the slot telephones
they can't smell EN-
It's mystery. anyway, what people
want with ice in Washington this sum-
mer. There's nothing here to keep
cool except the sticky side of postage
stamps. and If you wear them a little
nearer your electric fan than formerly
you won't be arrested for cumming up
the traffic. You said It,
Looks to US like ice in Washington Is
only an alien enemy. and there isn't
any more use for 1t than there is for a
| set of harness In garage. Ice isn't
| food. so what has the FIRST lord OF the
| food admiralty got to do with whether
| the ice receiving teller charges you a
| thick nick" or thin dim"
It's the size of the coin that Is wor-
| rying the ice baron. not the size of the
! chunk he weighs his thumb with. Are
| the new three-cent stamps any larger
| than the old anti-bellum two-centers?
Anyway. We still contend that ice
! isn't food any more than the Atlantic
| Is lake. and that stringless string
| beans are in strict violation of the
| Bucharest peace treaty. last years
straw hats and other scraps of junk.
! Might as WE'LL