Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1918-03-13
(Continued)
On Board S. S.

OU ="
Dear Joe: L wisht you could get
flash at this here ship which is
gonna try to take us to Europe. /
can't tell you the name of it, be-
cause if a doughboy mentions names
in writin' back home he's liable to
get pinched, and then it's the same
as throwin' rocks at the President
as far as the judge is concerned.
Also 1 can't tell you the place we're
sailin' from, but / guess you know
they amt many ships startin' out
for Europe from Phenix, Ariz., or
Butte, Mont, hey?
The whole boat was painted by
a set of maniac painters which was
opposed to prohibition, and the fore
man must of seen they was nobody
died of thirst while they was on the
job. There's a swab of pink here
and a swab of blue there, and in be-
tween they got samples of choco-
late, strawberry, orange, vanilla and
allied flavors. This is called camou-
flage and is supposed to keep the
submarines from seein' the ship,
and, in the event they do see it, to
scare 'em away.
Amongst the bunch on board is
about forty horseshoes, a hundred
CiONtISt d SIOSS VI
feet, and a lot of other Al charms
to keep off torpedoes. In case them
charms quit cold on us, we got an
ace in the hole in the shape of a
bevy of siX-inch guns. amt
knockin' the charms, Joe, but them
guns look good to me!
Well, after l left the recruitin'
office that day with the nineteen
other lucky guys and a soldier in
charge, we all got on train and
rode to the army camp. Most of
the gang felt about half as good as
] did, which is good enough for any,
body, but they was two guys, Joe,
which did nothin' but knock all the
way. They claimed they was simps
for joinin' the army, and so was
we; that the life was short and the
food shorter, and all in all they was
nothin' pleasant connected with it.
They kept at it till 1 couldn't stand
it no longer.
How did you guys come to en-
list?" 1 says.
I'VE didn't" says one of them.
1--WE come to get some dope about
bein' exempted, and the big stiff in
the office talked us into joinin."
"Sure!" says the other guy. This
country's about as free as diamonds
at Tiffany's! A man has got to fight
whether he wants to or not. All
them well-to-do millionaires is back
of this war, and"
"Aw, let go!" growled the soldier
in charge of us.
IT think both you guys is so yell
lah," 1 remarks, that if you was
round you could pass for grape
e un lya IL.
about the u. s. Army, I'm gonna
see if you'll bounce!"s
You amt man enough" pipes
one of the knockers.
Joe, how could I stand for a
crack like that after just bein ac-
cepted for the American army
That was not ionly insultin' me, but
the flag too. l let him have it on
the chin, and he flops on top of the
soldier.
Hey. you!" bellers the last-named
party, ''call your shots, will you?''
He comes over and pushes me back
in the seat. Lay off" he says.
you'll git all the scrappin' you kin
handle when we git over to France!'
They amt no harm in rehearsin'
a little, is they?" I says.
Shut up!" he admits.
Well, Joe, we finally got to camp,
without no more bloodshed, and the
first thing we run into there was an
other one of them popular physical
examinations. Two guys was turned
down. One of them was the guy !
had gone to work and bounced on
the train. I didn't think [ had hit
him that hard.
The next thing we all got to take
a bath, and it turned out they was
some conscientious objectors to
washin' in our midst. Them guys
had to do an Annette Kellermann in
front of a hose for about five min
utes. That bein' done, nothin' less
than a sergeant took charge of us
He told us we'd have to get most oi
our trainin' on the way over tc
France, because the regiment was
expectin' to leave camp at any min
ute after the alarm clocks went of
in Washington.
The next thing, I'm glad to say
was breakfast.
I'm tellin' you all this, Joe, fol
the simple reason that you'll have
to go through all of it when the
drafters get around to your number
When you get through with my let
ters you'll know just what you gotta
expect, and If you don't like it, il
may make some difference to the
Board of Aldermen in Calcutta; but
Joe. it won't make no difference to
these guys in charge of the U. s.
Army.