Evening star., 1918-01-13

He started the morning by breaking
his glasses, and ended it by slipping OF
the front steps, but in between came {
chapter of, accidents which submit fol
the hard-luck prize story Of the city
slippery Monday" was bad day.
This young government employe wa.
in a hurry eflat morning. His wife was
i'll, so he had to get his own breakfast
The baby was ill, too. He broke his
glasses the very first thing. as stated.
He grabbed the frying pan, cut off {
pound or 50 of lard, threw in severa
slices of bacon and eggs to match, ant
then went for the gas stove. 'Membel
now the gas stoves acted?
After a realistic imitation Of the bat
tie of the Marine. or Susie Susanne prac
ticing up for her accompaniment to tn,
big war film at the movie thee-ater tha
evening, he finally got the burner t.
perform.
With the burner reduced to subjec
ton, this man-ir-a-hurry Topped hi.
frying pan of edibles onto the flame, ant
prepared to watch the realization of hi:
gastronomic ideal.
He bethought himself of warm plates
and found some irons sitting where the
plates ought to be. By the time ht
thought of the plates, and saw the irons
Ne frying pan was beginning to bub
Bile Merrily tsizzled the fat.
The aroma fioated to high heaven.
he I1Ckeu up oflc ol Tic lIoIo.
The iron slipped.
The iron hit the handle of the frying
pan.
The frying pan catapulted its contents
up into the face of the fryee.
He yelled.
The iron and frying pan clattered to
the floor.
The gas stove went out with a bang.
Vow roared the man.
Help" screamed his wife. from an ad-
ioining ROOM There's a mouse after
ms .'
The baby began to cry.
Gimme a towel" yowled the man,
His wife dashed in, with the mouse in
hot pursuit.
''1'he mouse is after mer' she said.
DO not consider the mouse, he said
or words to that effect. His state
ment was more positive. Where in the
world is that towel?"-or words to that
effect.
Then the mouse saw its chance.
1t seized a piece of hot bacon and
made off with it.
x
She was a large. fat "cullud lady"
and was coming along the street early
Monday morning, with a milk bottle
in one hand and package In the
other. Evidently she was the cook:
Dat sho' was slippery mornfn'.
Everywhere the eye could see there
was ice. The streets were coated with
ice and the sidewalks were glazed as
we'll. AS far as tthe skating quality
of the surfaces was concerned, the ice
might just as well have been foot
thick Ones propensity to fall down
is just as great on a thin coating OF
ice as on ice two feet deep. It Is only
possible to skate on the OUTSIDE OIL ice
you ever think Of that?
The large cook was well aware of
this natural law, "here for the first
time announced" as Gen. Crowder said
in his report to Congress on the first
draft under the selective service act
She edged along the street like the
original snail that was responsible Ior
the proverb.
Deed she wasn't going to fall down.
Swinging the quart of milk IN one
hand and balancing her lee side with
the package extended at the full length
of her arm, she made her way safely
across the ice la >Eliza-
She came to shore on trail OF
sawudst thoughtfully sprinkied IN front
of an, apartment house by a man
whose name deserves to go down in the
annals of 1918 as the Abou Ben Adhem
of jariitors.
"Uh-uh," sighed the cook. happily. as
she hit the sawdust. Now 1 Kin walk.
And walk she did.
So firm were her steps that when she
got to the end of the sawdnst she for
got that the ways of life are slippery
when 1t rains and then freezes.
She should have remembered, OF
course.
But she didn't.
She thought she was still on sawdust.
But she wasn't.
One foot went to the left and the 9TH
er foot shot to the right.
The hand carrying the package went
down. and the milk bottle went sky
ward.
She alighted.
The milk bottle followed, crashing
lata yAraoua baAceak thA contsnts