The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1918-11-18
UNCLE SAM WRITES
TO KAISER BILL
TELLS WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN
THAT HE DON'T WANT LAT
TER'S FRIENDSHIP

If Wilhelm reads all the letters ad-
rest to him these days, he must bt
having a delightful time in the soil
tude of his war-library. Some of the
missives are full of good advice
others are grimly critical and trifle
abusive, but most of them contain
epithets that would naturally affect
a sensitive nature, which, perhaps
fortunately for himself, to say moth
ing of mankind, the Kaiser does not
seem to possess.
What Uncle Sam should write him
is indicated by DR.. Frank Crane in the
New York Globe, in an epistle which
bristles with the ideas and language
of most Americans concerning the
Kaiser's peace overtures. Briefly ac-
knowledging the receipt of Bills let
ter, Uncle Sam is made to say:
You suggest that we get together,
bury the hatchet, smoke the pipe of
peace, let bygones be bygones, and
everything.
l am willing to get, bury, smoke
and let, as per request, but l do not
want to be friends. l might want to
be your friend, but | don't want you
to be mine.
can conceive of no greater calami-
ty. You have injured your enemies
some, as you have caused England,
France, and America much expense
and wounds, but it is not a patching
to the damage you have done to your
friends, among whom | believe you
reckoned Belgium and Russia.
l should not like to think OF you
as praising me behind my back, nor
to hear that you are appreciating
highly my good points. Please don't
do anything like this, Bill. Curse
me, lie about me, accuse me OF having
intentions as rotten as you know your
own to be-do this, and | shall be
happy, for posterity will say, "Uncle
Sam must have been rather a decent
fellow if Bill blackguarded him so. =
And please don't speak to me again.
l may speak to you, but | don't want
you to speak to me. And don't write.
My man Pershing will be over to
your house pretty soon, and he will
hear what you have to say.
For l don't like your face. And |
don't like the way your moustaches
are put on. | don't like your uniforms
and l don't like lots of your little
ways. This being the case, why
should I subject my nervous system
to the strain of trying to act friendly?
Still, I am kinda glad l met you.
You are so darned loW-down and con-
temptible that it makes me love my
fellow men the more. | want to go
and kiss all the chicken thieves and
murderers in the county Jail when
think of you. Yes, when | think of
you, Bill, l say to myself that surely
everybody outside of your bunch of
hugs and pirates is going to heaven.
am getting along Bill. | am over
/ hundred years old now. There was |
A time when | dreaded that any one |
should think i'll of me. 1t made me |
unhappy. But l have learned that |
nothing adds to a mans reputation
lmong decent people like the hate of |
4 whelp like you.
Don't misunderstood me. l don't
nate you. Only l want you to hate
ne. Keep it up. My most soothing
hought as l lapse into slumber is
hat you are gnashing your teeth,
your snickersnee, and plan
ling to get me. Your animosity is
nv most treasured possession.
If I discovered that you really liked
ne l should go and take Turkish
,ath.
So don't worry about our little diff
terence. There is no use trying to
,atch things up. After all, it is not
o much what you have done that
ffends me, it is what you are, and
hat will not be cured until your
.rateful people hang you to lamp
,ost somewhere in Berlin.
Don't imagine that think you are
angerous, Bill. Doubtless you think
,ou are wolf. You are not. You
re a skunk.
Meanwhile, proud it is that ! am
0 have the heartfelt malice of the
ikes of you.
Continue, old top, to be, as always,
1y enemy, and beg to remain, yours
ruly, er
Two Escape Idaho Prison.
BOISE, Idaho, Nov. 17.-Fred