Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1918-03-22
MR.. SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT

ear 1t was O portrait of his father,
Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor dIaing the
Civil War and had died bravely on the
field of action. Mr.. Simpkins' throat
ached now for two reasons: First, he
reverenced and adored the memory of
bis father; secondly, his age and his
eyes n his game leg wouldn't let him
go to war himself. And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
Ing gaze of Colonel Simpkins he saw,
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles of sea to
light, maybe die, for liberty.
Mr.. Simpkins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ges of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for a salute.
But his equity shoulder twinged, and he
groaned. He couldn't even salute.
damn |" said Mr.. Simpkins, and
with his other hand fiercely twirled his
white mustachios.
He turned and limped into the H.
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
Iect of taxes ever since he had discov-
cred that the more income a man has
the greater the percentage of 1t he,
pays In taxes. He could think of sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
ried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half of his, they would pay only a
small fraction of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
that it asked for.
AS Mr.. Simpkins' income was $4,000
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each of the successive smaller
classes of incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes, that is, single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay 2 per cent. (under
the 1915 law on all income yer.
$4,000, deducting $500 for each of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Eimpkins' case this was $212, which he
put down In the payable column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law, married men pay IN additional 2
per cent. on all over 81 ,000-with the
same allowance for children. This
added 1852 to his payable" column.
He then observed hat for every,
$500 jump in his income .over $4,000
he had to pay a Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden.
And on top of all this came an "Ex-
cess Profits tax of s per cent. OF all
Occupation" income over $4,000, max
Ing S720 more.
The total, then, he must pay was four
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Whewl" exclaimed Mr.. Simpkins
Rngrily. "There's young Henry VIII
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $1,000 and he doesn't pay a
cent of taxes. l guess this is his war
as we'll as mine !"
Thinking of young Henry Wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs. wilkins went
every afternoon to make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who
was a lawyer. was aiding the Local
Draft Board with Its qu~estionnaires. J
SWELL" he admitted to himself,
shat makes a difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough-
BY, whose income was about $1,000.
"He only pays $780," commented Mr..
Eimpkins, not quite so angrily this
time; and then a thought struck him
and he sat up rigidly in his chair.
Judge Willoughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when 1t was
Summarized with the loss of two hun
dred soldiers.
Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America" muttered MI. Simpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands.
For a loag time Mr.. Simpkins sat
very still In that position. There was
no sound in the library except the,
ticking of the tall clock and an occa-,
sional trill Of laughter from the chill
dren skylarking upstairs. The square
bf light On the carpet gradually with
drew itself through the window, and
first twilight and then darkness settled
In about the quiet, white haired. some
times irascible old mar.
Mr.. Simpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
of, he was thinking things that were
too sacred ever to be put into words.
But some inkling of his thoughts may
be found in his rejoinder to Mrs.
Eimpkins when that placid lady came
IN md t1rnad on fhQ iphfa md asked