Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-29


= ..Excuse me, Dock" pleaded Jonah,
clapping his hands to his head, .but
would you mind starting in again on
that merry little spiel OF yours? l
followed you to comma ~, SEMI coiDr
number Z. in phrase II, and then,
somehow; or other, the consecutive,
ness Of your thought sort OF caved
in on itself and lost the thread"
"If fall to make myself plain" re-
torted the doctor, sharply 1T Is not
my fault"
~ .s...
"You bet 1t isn't, SAM" laughed
Beau Brummell. "You were born
plain. and AZ far as have been able
to observe you have never ceased to
be 10. The trouble 10 not with you,
but with Jonah. His thinking ap-
paratus got so clogged up with oil on
that whaling expedition that his m
tellsctual engine has been full OF
carbon ever since"
"Tm very sorry" said Jonah. meekly'
II always like to UNDERSTAND what or.
ton Of q useful sort. and try fo fol.
low him through, but something's just
can't. When he begins to wallow IN
speech 1t inevitably recalls my De.
loved old whale sloshtng around IN
mental wI. about It. but never see good
old Dock without thinking Of my long
lost leyiathan. They are built on the
same lines, and when they spout the
copiousness of the one Is rivaIed only
by the prodigality OF the other;
said Socrates, the thing ne was try
ing to express in a series Of night let
tiers. reduced to the terms OF Q ~
diciously worded telegram, 10 tnat tne
world would be better off II It were TO
revive it's interest In patron saints'
VERY well said. Socrates. returned
Or. Johnson notified II admire and
envy you your powers OF condensa-
'yion." "a.
crates. land for many centuries / have
had to condense in order to punctuate
with an occasional interjectfon of my
own the breakfast table monologues
OF my beloved Xanthippe: When you
insy wed ie EN- ,eh, IN sondensatioa Follows
an q matter of course" 4 49, ),
(, What's "a patron saint anyhow"
asked Samson. II don't seem to re-
member ,that,f ever had one myself"
mo. you hadn't" said Or. Johnson:
III you had such a thing. you never
would have suffered nervous col.
lapse for 80 foolish reason as that
you'd got your hair cut BY a. woman.
4 admit that women as haircutters
aren't aM 2 man could wish 81, f LOT along long
let & capillary lapse of that sort Spoil
my sweet young life"
II can't recall that there ever was
patron saint Of the strong arm fra
tefnity." said Demosthenes SONG
how or other prize fighting and saint
,ltnsss don't seem to- gee. and 1t is my
private opinion that II any one ever
had been chosen for the honor of
.canonization amone the great bruisers
Of shistory. Samson himself would
have been the successful candidate:
/. "Well, it was a good old custom
anyhow. that of having q patron saint
to suit all human needs" observed DR..
johnson, "and / think the world would
be we'll advised to resume the habit Of
that embodied its specialized ideals to
turn to in moments of trial and tribu-
lation. There was good old Saint
Nicholas, the patron saint Of boys;
there was Saint christopher, who pro-,
tected people from bad dreams; there
was. Saint Erasmus, who soothed suf-
ferers from the collie; there was Saint
sNolfgang, who as a cure for govt
was better than all the pink pills for
nallid publicans ever rolled; there was
saint Florian. who as a sure protec-
tion against fire made fire insurance
companies absolutely unnecessary for
centuries there was Saint Louis the
Patron Saint of BARRIERS who"
= *
*k
Don't forget Saint Vitus. Dock" put
In Mark Antony. 1.-THE patron saint of
dancing
And undoubtedly the inventor of
the turkey trot and the Egyptian
tango that Mark and Cleopatra used
to dance on the borders of the Nile"
saiA Brutus.
II was going to mention him." said
Johnson, 'all in good time"
'Well let's take the rest on faith"
suggested Jonah. Wed like to hear
you recite the telephone book of the
saints all the way through. Dock, but
time is short, and we've got to remem-
Der down here that we've only got
eternity ahead of us, and IL you got
really started once that would hardly
be long enough for finish"
II doubt" said Socrates, "that the
old list would cover the needs Of the
present hour anyhow. There are saints
TO serve FOR BARRIERS. burglars. bakers.
sailors and fiddlers; for lawyers,
statesmen, idiots and what not, but
low about aviators and congressman