Evening star., 1918-08-18


was Joe Pants.
Not that 1 noticed him specially at
frat. In fact. expect they had him
doin' kitchen police most Of the time
Tor while there when was startin'
the new rockies In on the calesthenics
and glove drill. Oh. yes. I've been
doin' lot Of this camp work since
The War Department discovered that
shorty McCabe was just as willin' to
90 his part as anybody else. Course.
they'd had my offer tiled away for
yaore'n year. But you know how
it's been. There was SO many OF US
bigh talented people knockin' around
that some Of US was bound to be
overlooked :
Anyway, guess I've made up for
lost time. for there in June and July,
when the new draft was comm In 80
strong. I'd leave the physical culture
studio three afternoons week to go
but and show these buddin' Fritz de-
ktroyers how to breathe from below
the belt and what their hands was
made for besides shovelin' in rations.
And say, before the auartermaster
had fitted 'em out with any uniforms
but blue overalls they wasn't an I'M
pressive lookin' lot OF democracy
Savers, take 1t from me. So its no
wonder, with different squads OF q
hundred lined up before me e. every
half hour, didn't single out this joe
Pants bird right away.
Even when did 1t was because ne
seemed q little more stupid than the
Fast in catchin' on to what I'm tryin'
to make 'em do. -
-say. you! Fifth man from tns
any connection at all. =
aAh. let's have the numbers!" goes
stop. Yes, you. Uh-huh. This is
an for your benefit. Sorry to disturb
your standee nap. but let's see II We
saRs Ses sear sss tnls mouth a,shsh shUs SsH Ky
souissh trap closed. Therel Seer
Now, from way down, with your
shoulder back. All. for the love of
soupl You ain,t . iisn; so,r are :y,Iia'. yGin1. All
Honest, I must have wasted more
eloouenca on that one peanut-head
than on all the rest OF the squad.
aCapfn," I asks confidential after
they're dismissed. who 10 this pet OF
yours that's 80 intelligent from the
"on. that one" says Capt. Martin.
why, that's Joe Pants. He's Pole
.asuess that accounts for IT," says ].
wooden all the way from the ROOF:
Maybe youll make soldier out OF
him: too. but I'd save him Tor q newer
The captain grins. 'The sad part
OF IL IN. professor" says he, that I've
got TO make soldier Of him."
you're some wizard II you DO" says
At that Joe might not have been SO
much worse than q lot Of the others.
to the fact that he don't understand
english very we'll. Then he's such Q
pie-faced looxin' gink. With that
Swiss cheese complexion, and the dun,
wide-Uet eyes, and the bat care Juttin
out from the side Of his head like they
was stuck on as an afterthought, ne
looks almost as human as something
And yet it couldn't have been more'n
three weeks later, when I'd advanced
the SQUAD to exercise with the soft
mitts, that I'm considerable Jared at
seein' this Private Pants steam in q
half-a,m Jolt lust ;n. the way Ia tSs sno%sa S,~@
and lift big husk opposite clean ON
his feet. First on thought 1t must
have been an accident. but few min
utes later blamed II he don't shoot
over another one Just as destructive.
That's when begun to get curious.
Good work, Joel" sings out.
eHerei Wait minute. Gimme a pair
of them pillows. sergeant. Now, Mr..
Pants. shove one Of them short ones
in at me 80 I can feel II 1t really has
the stun behind It,"
Well. It had. And / want to say 1t
was Just as well was quick. in
blockin' 1t on.
Listen. Joe" says I. "where'd you
joe lunches his shoulders but other
wise from that don't impart any in
Il mean" says I, where you been
working-wlAt's your 3obT
brishtenin' . little. "stesl boiler man.
II get you" says I. you've been
tossin' pea coal and ralxin' out clinkers.
And as an indoor athletic pastime that
beats -rollin' cigarettes or playin' Kelley
pool. Shed the shirt. Joe, and lemme
take squint at them shoulder muscles
Of yours. That's 1t. Z-z-z-z, man. But
you have got some development there.
Hey, dp'n! Come look at this. eh? No
wondeY he's got punch. And notice
the length Of those arns-like the hind
legs Of a kangaroo. Say. II he only knew
how to use em!''
wasn't thinkin' 80 much of boxin'
as was Of bayonet work, for I'd been
watchin' that cold-steel drill quite
bit and thinkin' how much 1t was like
usin' clever tactics in the ring. And 1t