The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-03-22
Microbes
The Russians Wool Worse
Than His Bite.
ey "euos" easr.

| Some peoples thoughts are like mi
crobes. They are so small tina. n mil
liam of 'em could pack 'emselves on
the head OF a pin. We don't know why
a microbe wants to pass the winter
on the dome Of a pin when he might
as we'll pass the cold weather at Palm
Beach. But every time q scientist gos-
sips about. micrococci. bncgococci or
81 rmsococci.N he informs us just how
many million could hold an occi con.
vention on the mezzafiine floor Of
pin. Although nobody knows what be-
comes Of all the pins. it's some con-
ISOLATION TO figure that every time a
pin Is lost there is nation Of occjs
lest with it. There isn't the slightcs.
doubt that these occi birds are re-
sponsible for everything that harpens
In this germ spanglcd world. t'l,e
zero microbes are rcsponsib,e for the
trapped weather which recently
smeared New York between the eyes
and caused more suffering than a
quart bunion in n pint shoe.
The Bolsheyocci bugs notified into
the Russian fabric and ate the warp
right loose from the woof They
cliewed on the warp until there is
nothing left but the wool. And every
body knows that Il Russians wool is
worse than his bite. They are wool
ing and woofing around. but they are
rs harmless as a Bryan highbaV. which
consists mostly of rainwater with
slight dash OF Imagination.
These chatterocci germlets are also
= q fnp fh.,
which is spilled every day over the
telephones. The chatter bugs got so
influential over ip East Orange that
the East Orange Aid society has de-
eided to step on tho gossip microbes.
Hereafter. All chins which flutter In
the breeze for more than five minute,
will be regarded as enemy aliens and
informed In the hostile chin ward
~ o.
Needless to state. most of the chps
addicted to Marathon telephone Sc
ances are of n soprano complexion, al
though occasionally the telephone traf-
Tic ~ clogRed by 1; set Of whiskers
getting tangled UP in the acoustics.
When a lady gets to knitting q. con.
sensational sweater with another lady
voter via the Bell-tel route they keep
on chin erocheting until they run out
on verbal yarn. They haven't any
mot'e use for oral traffic rules than a
haltbut has, for the Lincoln High.
way. &
And AZ the country happens to be
engaged In u ballyhoo with Billhem of
Berlin. the East Grunge Aid society
has decided that the nations business
* more important than the fact that
MRS. Whoozus's. goldfish has a bad cold
rom swimming In a damp Aquarium.
tiiat Gus WkiZzblook patted his wife on
the ear with flatiron three time.
twice in anger and once in a friendly
way; that Minnie Clipper Is heart
busted since her French Lieutenant in
the Aviation Corps turned out to be n
lieutenant in the necktie
escadrille at Qimbamaker's big empo-
rum; that Minnie's old man was scout-
ing for the dashing dry good warrior.
who confiscated most OF his wet goods
ana inundated the town with lame
checks and crippled i. o. US and that
the SnithuXs were never any closer
to Palm Beach than u CRATES bunion.
are to his dandruff.
All this and Il lot more OF iabber
pyrotcchnics must get the gate. ac-
cordlng to the East Orange Aid So
cfetF, until the war has evapo1.,ted
from the daily menu. Either the gov
ernments important business or East
oranges lightweight chipping must
abdicatc.
And Npn know which one will get the
@"isoned pellets. You remember what
happened to the fly when he forgot
nis table etiquette md put his elbows
~ the tanElefoot.