davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
he WAS HUMAN PUNCHING BAG
Employee Of Automobile Dealer Called
In to Receive HIS Fourth Thrash
Ina Of the Day.

He walked in briskly, and said to
the man in charge:
"You are the one, I believe, who
sold me my secondhand motor ?"
eyes, sir"
at hasn't run since I bought it. "
eyes, sir"
"The tires crumbled in pieces on
the second day."
eyes, sir"
"The paint faxed off, the cleo
tricity wouldn't splutter spark, the
gas tank had a hole in the bottom,
and all the spark plugs were miss
ing"
eyes, sir"
"Knowing that I have no remedy
in the law, and that 1 can't get any
thing back, 1 have come in to do the
only thing possible. There being no
policeman within call, l propose to
give you the most magnificent
thrashing that you ever had"
The man in charge touched a bell,
and another man appeared, rather
the worse for wear.
"Jim," he said, Chow many times
have you been thrashed this morn
ing?"
"Three."
"And your contract calls for"
"Four."
"Pull off your coat and get ready
for this gentleman, and then you
can, if you like, take the afternoon
off. Kindly step outside in the road
way, sir, as l haven't read my morn
ing paper yet"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
MoLAssEs AND GASOLINE.

The plan of substituting alcohol
for gasoline in Australia receives lit
tie encouragement from a report of
the commonwealth advisory coun-
Gil of science and industry. The en-
tire available supply of sugar mo-
lasses, the most economical raw ma
terial, would yield only 100000
gallons yearly, and the imports of
gasoline are already 100000 gal
Ions. To provide the new fuel in
sufficiently large quantities is the
problem. Of the $4,000 tons of mo-
lasses annually available for distilla-
ton, one-fourth is already used for
that purpose, the remainder being
largely wasted.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
HAVE HEARD C0UNTRY's CALL
Ten Sons Of Members of President
Wilson's Cabinet Are Now Serv.
ing With the Colors.

The members of President Will
sons cabinet have sent their sons to
fight the country's battles side by
side with the sons of fathers in less
exalted station. Ten sons of cabinet
members are now with the colors
Secretary of the Treasury McAdoo
and Secretary of Labor Wilson head
the list with three sons each in the
service. The McAdoo boys have gone
into the navy, the Wilson boys into
the army.
Josephus Daniels, Jr., son of the
secretary of the navy, is a private in
the marine corps, and is now under
going training for a commission at
the League Island navy yard, Phila-
delphia. Franklin K. Lane, Jr., son
of the secretary of the interior, is a
first lieutenant in the army aviation
corps. David Franklin Houston, Jr.,
son of the secretary of agriculture,
took the course at Annapolis, and is
now an ensign in the navy. Humph-
rey F. Redfeld, son of the secretary
of commerce, is also in the navy.
William B. Wilson, Jr., son of the
secretary of labor, has been attend
ing the second army officers training
camp at Fort Niagara, N. Y. Jo-
seph B. Wilson is a lieutenant of in
fantry in the National army at Camp
Meade, Md, while James H. Wilson
is corporal of field artillery, now in
training at Admission, Ala.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
WISDOM IN FACING THINGS"
People Habltually Afraid to Meet a
Situation Invariably Pay High
Price for Vaciilation.

" A writer in the American Maya
zine says:
"Tom Mason wrote a remarkable
little article in New York newspa-
per a year or more ago in which he
made the point that human beings
ESQ many of them) just will not face
things. They will duck and dodge
and squirm away from an important
situation rather than step right up
and meet it. OF course later they
have to pay an enormous price for
their ducking' and lodging and
squirming.
ON matters of health this is ever
lastingly true. Look at the men past
forty you know who try to smoke
and eat and sit up nights as if they
were in the early twenties. They
make themselves uncomfortable and
cay that they don't feel just right
But they won't face things-they
won't face the fact that if they want
to feel well and enjoy life they must
revise their ways of living and ad-
just themselves to changed condi-
tions.
This willingness to face things
comes pretty near being what marks
a continuously successful man. 1t is
certainly what marks wise man in
questions pertaining to health. There
is nothing but trouble in store for
the man who insists on laundering
ahead with his eyes shut"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
SEA OTTER QUEER SWIMMER
Animals Fevorlte Position Is on Its
Baok-How One "Threw Scare"
Into Fisherman.

Some of the habits of the sea otter
are very interesting. For example,
an otter always swims on his back,
his tail serving as a rudder and his
head slightly raised SO that by look
ing over his shoulder he can shape
his course. When about to dive, how
ever, he turns on his stomach, re-
naming in that position while I'M
der water, but changing again on
coming to the top. Swimming few
feet below the surface, an otter very
much resembles a sailor in his oil
skins. An amusing story is told of
tourist fisherman who, seeing one of
these animals swimming in this
manner, hurried ashore and related
a wonderful tale about having seen
q sailor man, apparently drowned,
yet swimming with all the vigor of
life six or seven feet under water;
and who, when he, thinking the man
might be alive, rowed to his assist
ance, went down and stayed down.
The fisherman would not believe it
when told that it was probably sea
otter, and he returned Immediately
to his Eastern home convinced he
had received supernatural warning
of some dire calamity about to hap
pen.-St. Nicholas.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
GREAT GHOSTS AT THE FRONT
spooks Described as Resembling Vast
Pillars Of White Smoke, Possibly
Intended to Poison Air.

One of the most mysterious hap
penings on the western front during
the past autumn has been the appear
ance there from time to time of what
our Tommies have christened the
family ghost" relates a writer in
London Tit-Bits.
He is a veritable giant amongst
spooks, reaching to a height of sew
eral hundred feet, and in form and
appearance resembles a pillar of
white smoke.
1t has been described by a close
observer as being perfectly straight
and apparently rigid as far as the
top, where it sprays round into a
knob. Altogether, it suggests giant
stick of celery.
Much speculation has arisen as to
how the family ghost is produced,
and for what purpose. One theory
is that the giant pillars are intended
to poison the atmosphere with some
new kind of gas, and this is borne
out by the fact that, where they have
been observed during daylight, they
have appeared to windward of our
lines.
On the other hand, the atmos-
pheric-poisoning experimental in
deed that is what they are-can
hardly have been very successful,
since no smell or taste of gas, or
other deleterious vapor, has ever been
noted in connection with them.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
BATTLING AROUND.

First Rattlesnake-What's the
matter with the kid snake over
there?
Second Rattlesnake-Why2
"He's making SO much noise"
ooh, he has an idea he can fill his
fathers shoes. Hear him rattle r'-
Yonkers Statesman.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25

The hot weather of the last few
days, while it has brought discom-
fort to many, has brought also a
promise of larger crops, and to the
farmers of New Jersey and Penn
sylvania a promise of more bounti-
full fall crops. 1t has also been of
advantage to them enabling them to
finish their harvesting in good shape.
These considerations should help US
to bear the discomfort with equan-
unity. Anything to increase the food
supply and to keep prices down.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25

The publisher of this paper has
taken over the New Hope News
which for the past six months has
been printed at this office on Friday
and in order to issue them both on
the same day, the Record" will also
be published on Friday starting
with next weeks issue.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
KNOCKED OUT.

well have to film this last battle
scene over again."
whats wrong with itp"
"The hero, who is supposed to
club twenty men to death with the
butt of his rife, accidentally struck
one of the supernumeraries too
hard"
"Well?"
"The super retaliated with vi
cious uppercut and the hero won't
be able to act for several days" >
Birmingham Abe-Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
READY-WlTTED.

"You need change of scene"
"But, doctor, I'm a travelling
man."
"Why-er-that's the point. Stay
at home while and see somebody
besides hotel rooms and railroad sta
tons. Boston Transcript.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
HOW HE LOOKS BEST.

First Soldier Cooking at pictures
of himself)-Which do you think is
the best, MikeP
Second Soldier-Well, personally,
l think the one of you in the gas
mask is the best.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25

Many of the merchants of this
city are reporting more business
since the city, went dry, which is
encouraging as we were told by
some that the city would be dead
after July 18th.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
HENCE HIGH PRICES.

'oThe farmer nowadays is monarch
of all he surveys"
"Not quite ALL"
"No?"
''The middleman takes a look at
the farmers profits and adds bit
for himself" Birmingham Age
Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
STATUS QUO ANTE BRIcksATs.

"Me name is Meginness," an
nounced Pat, "and Dim ready to
foight as long as there's breath left
in me body"
"Yis," Kissed Mike, 'tthat's phwat
you Meginnesses foight with. >
Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25
CYNICAL CONCLUSION.

"How fuently your parrot talks"
Eyes; when we were away he was
taken care of by the maid at wom-
ans club"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-07-25

A FTER your Soldier Boy Friend
gets over to France you will
wish you had sent him Smilage"
book while he was here in camp.
Have no regrets, send him one now.
On sale by C. R. Middleton, John
d. Cryer, Mrs. S. Minor, Mrs. P.
K. Slack, Mr.. T. Hoppin, Mr.. Thos.
Stintsman, H. T. Shick. Cost one
dollar.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28

be forced to drop their hypocritical
peace talk and come forward with a
sensible offer to meet the demands OF
America and the entente allies and adj
nit their defeat. Complete collapse
of Turkey as we'll as Bulgaria is not
only possible but probable. Their elm
ination as allies Of the central powers
would release a large part of the en-
tente forces now fighting in the Bal
kans and would open the way for a
direct invasion of Austria Hungary
from the south. An offensive cam
paign in that quarter would necessi-
tate the withdrawal Of Austro- Hun
garian divisions from the Italian front,
thus enabling the Italians to drive the
invaders to fortified positions within
their own domain and bring Kaiser
Karl to his knees begging for peace
and offering concessions acceptable to
Italy and the nations with interests in
the near east. All this is among the
immediate possibilities, and the entente
allies would be left rree to crush Ger
many force her to restore Alsace and
Lorraine to France. restore all OF that
portion Of Greater Russia now domi.
mated by the Berlin government, free
Poland and submit to other demands
Of the entente aimed to throttle the
Prussian ambition Of world domina-
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
Rou,,,a,,;d Kno.Ds
What Peace Cnder
Hun Terms is Like

= u >
Correspondence Associated Press
London, Sept. 1s.-"What a German
Peace y Like" IS the heading on an
article written1fo the Weekly Dispatch
w Annie Parr, who has just arrived
London from Bucharest.
Ng"I was in Bucharest, when the Ger
mans entered the Roumanian capital"
she writes, They had evidently decided
that 1t would not be wise to shock the
world with another Belgium and they
were careful to keep their troops under
control, but they were the masters. l
remember a male friend off mine who
was returning home from dinner IN
evening clothes being stopped in the
compelled to sweep away tie snow fog
hours in the bitter cold.
Many q beautiful homo was
wrecked. The Germans had no scrlples
about converting drawing rooms into
stables for their horses and front gar
ders into cemeteries for their dead.
Terrible atrocities were committed
by the Bulgarians and the sufferings Of
the prisoners they took were unspeak-
able. OF 10000 Roumanians taken priS-
oners only 5000 returned and they
were in an appalling condition. They
were skeletonA scarcely able to walk.
At the station, they seemed too Awy.-e
to eat or drink. When 70 offered them
food they simply sank down on to q
bench and burst Into tears.
@g 4. II was a most tragic home coming
for the RournaniaN soldiers. following
-ltpon the crushing peace terms II has
left on my mind an unforgetaoie inn
preston OF what a German peace is
Lis Those soldiers came back in rags
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28

cheap to tow barges OF 5000 tons as
those of 500 tons.
The type OF towRoats provided under
the new plans is what is known as a
tunnel steamer. being entirely different
fyom both the side wheeler and stern
wheel boats. now so familiar on the
river. This style of boat was designed
by foreign engineers for the Nile and
Euphrates. rivers. All the new tug
boats will be oil burners. requiring less
labor. in operation than coal burning
tugs. Enough oil can be loaded at Sn
Louis to make the complete trip to
New Orleans and return.
AS soon as dredging is completed at
the Louisiana salt mines there will be
considerable freight for the line, but
at present salt. sand. and gravel rates
do not warrant shipping by rail to tho
river. Lumber will he handled In
barge load lots.
The opening of the line today will be
followed in, few weeks by the open
ing of the ST Louis Chicago barge line.
Plans for through shipments from
Chicago to New Orleans are now being
worked out, the plan calling for the in
terchange of barges here to eliminate
rCloading. -
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
GIBSON ACCUSED As SPY.
German Foreign Office Makes Charges
Aaajrst Former u. s. Official.

Paris, Sept. U.s. Nettled by the ef-
feet ofithe Scandinavian translation OF
High Eihaon's bonk, "The Rape OF
Belgium" in Norway, Sweden ami Den
mark the German foreign office. thru
It's official propaganda bureau. has ac-
cused the author Of espionage during
September and October. 1914.
Mr.. Gibson at that tin e<was secre-
tary OF the, American legation at Brusi
sells His recall from his post at Brus-
sells during the German occupation was
requested from Washington by Baron
Won der Lanoken, German We'll gov
ernor of Brussels. He Is now Paris
representative of the committee on
public information.
An article ia the Politiken OF copsn-
hagen states that on numerous oesh 4
siors Gibson took advantage Ct his
diplomatic immun.ts" 4 and the pass
ports given him by Won Jarotzky, Won
Luttwitz and Baron Won der Goltz lal I
lowing 5hi,n to cross German lines TO
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
Unusual Wedding Ceremony.

Camp Lee Petersburg, Va, Sept zs'
An unusual wedding ceremony. IN
which the bride and officiating clery-
man could not approach within fifteen
PAGES OF the bridegroom. was solem-
nized here recently, when Private Leon
wellriyer. OF the infantry replacement
camp and Miss Mary smith. both OF
Wyoming, Pa. were married.
Wellrivcr was under quarantine
which will extend until time for his
regiment to depart for France. so the
ceremony was performed from dis
lance OF fifteen PAGES OF the soldier.
The minister wrote tho questions to be
asked the groom and a lieutenant. who
acted az intermediary. i-sd them to
Wcllrlyer who signali.rd yes" BY
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
Ne,u Government
River Barges No,u
On Maiden Trip

st. Louis, Sept 2S.-A tug and three
steel barges, the first Of the govern
ment's fleet Of thirty barges with
which traffic will be restored on the
lower Mississippi will leave East st.
Louis late today on their maiden trip
for New Orleans. The freight handled
on the three barges lis about equal to
that of $50 freight cars. Each week
additional barges will be added until
the thirty are in operation, according
to Theodore Brent, traffic manager Of
the Mississippi and warrier waterways
section Of the railroad administration.
Departure Of barges from ST. Louis
has been delayed until the first unit
OF the municipal dock here can be
completed. Docking facilities along
the river between st. Louis and New
Orleansfare being greatly extended.
Memphis will be the principal point
between st. Louis and New Orleans,
but Cairo. Ill.,, Greenville. Miss. and
Arkansas towns will also have new
docks.
Mr.. Brent told st. Louis shippers
that the government expected to lose
IWOucy vi Ihc PioJcSt 80 LIE S'aiS
owing to the necessity OF using made
quate and antiquated equipment. He
declared, however. II shippers would
furnish capacity loads the government
soon would supply modern equipment.
Information already has come from
Washington that engineers have COM
pieted plans for modern equipment and
are now rcady>to receive bids.
K The maximum carrying sapacity Of
the barGes to be used now Is 900 tons.
,ur. Brent explained that II Is Just as
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
REGISTRATION OF WOMEN.
Roosevelt Urges Enrolment Of Both
Sexes For Industrial Training.

Baltimore. Sept. 2S.-Registratfon OF
young women as well as men for in
dustrial training in peace times as well
as in war times was urged by Col.
Theodore Roosevelt in a speech here
| today opening the fourth liberty loan
campaign.
| 1--WE now have an approach to the
universal service which some OF Us
have for years been DEMANDING Col
onel Roosevelt said, I'VE now have all
men from IS to As required to serve
their country and required to register.
Let us make this system permanent
and let us use it for the purposes OF
| peace no lees than for the purposes OF
war; Let us extend the principles to
] women no less than to men. Let us
have suffrage on service. Let us de-
mand the service from women as we
do from men, and in return give the
suffrage to all men and women who in
peace and war perform the service, and
to no others"
Colonel Roosevelt declared young
women should be registered just as
men are, Il would give them both.
| he declared Certain fundamental
farms of industrial training-trainine
in the things that are fundamental In
the ordinary work of the ordinary man
and woman in their NAasiness occupa-
tions and in and around their homes;
in the things which it is good for every
man and woman to know. =
LET there be a better proportion thar
| Is now the case in industrial life be-
tween the service rendered and the re-
ward given. Graually hope ts<see the
wageworkers become in real sense
partner in the enterprise in which ne
works: and to achieve this end he mus,
develop the power Of self control. the
power of recognizing the rights OF
others no less than insisting upon his
| own
Touching on Some Of the things tina,
| we should do at once in connection with
the war;. Co,one! Roosevelt declared
one Of the first should be to stop all
profiteering by capitalists and all slack
ing and loafing whether by individual
action or as o result Of union action
The colonel declared he had "scant
patience with the men who treat the
war merely as a chance for profit and
"least patience with the rich men who
keep their sons at home"
The prpfiteer. he declared, should he
put to digging first line trenches, and
This brother in wrongdoing, the Stacker
or loafer," should be put beside him
Colonel Roosevelt said he would
| keep just as far from bolshevism as
from kaise rism." In this country. he
said; the "Germanized socialists" have
shown themselves as enemies OF the
republic and should not be permitted
to be at large while the republic is at
death grips with n foreign foe.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1918-09-28
PLANS FOR DRAFT LOTTERY.
All Registrars Of Sept. II TO Be Given
Order Numbers.

Washington, Sept. 2S.-rln the ma
tional drawing TO determine the oruer
for military service of the newly reg
istered Americans between Is and ."
next Monday only registrants between
the age OF 9and'2l and SO and 81 are
subject to Immediate service, aitho
Mondays drawing will give all OF the
10. OO0, O0O who registered on Sept. l.
an order number which determines ms
place in any future call.
II is prof able President Wilson VIII
draw the first number from the same
glass bowl that was used upon the TWO
previous occasions. .....
A marked departure from the former
procedure will be n change in the
method of making public the actuai
order numbers.
Only the first 100 numbers will be
ANNOUNCED from WASHINGTON on the
date Of the drawings. All tho Iemain-
ing numbers-and they will range from
1 to l7,COO-will be sent directly to the
ia district boards. which have been
instructed to make them available 10
the newspapers within their 1urisdic-
ton Immediately upon receipt.
This, of course. means some slight
DELAY in the information reaching the
reg,strants. but General Crowder ex-
planned the arrangement is neces-
STATED by the mass Of figures and the
time required in the drawing.
BY direction OF the provost marshai
general the newspapers are required
to withhold publication OF the hs's
until their release by the district
boards with the exception of the hrst
100 numbers selected from the bowl.
The work OF picking out the num-
bcrs, one at time will consume ap-
proxmately twenty-six hours. It VIII
begin at noon and will require con-
tinuous and uninterrupted drawingsto
complete the task by 2 o'clock Tues
dav afternoon. Tho first great draft
lottery occupied sixteen and a hair
hours.
General Crowder explained he was
enabled to fix the date by the fact that
each of the 1851 local boards nau
finally assigned to their respective
registrants the individual serial mum
bers of each registrant.
The first drawing OF numbers was
t,ased to the country by wire as the
capsules were taken from the po"''
because, under the system then pre-
yailing, the order of numbers actually
Indicated the order in which men were
called for service.
The later creation OF the classiiica-
ton systems, however. has entrei.
altered the situation and the oraef VI
n,,mbers now only indicates man
orraor IN his class. and several conSld-
erations decide his class.
The first number might he held by
II mai, e ynars old. married ana nav :
INC children. He would Automatically
so in the fourth class.
Similarly the holder OF the very LAST
number drawn might be man II, I'M
married and fotfree. He would DC
practically certain to be called 70 duty
soon. alfho his order number was AT
tho bottom of the list,