The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1918-02-21

| -
BY GEORGE RANDOLPH CHE
Copyright, 1913, by the New
Paris. Feb. 2l.-One Of the horror:
of, the war In France is the French
English conversation book.
It's about the right size to throw al
a, cat, and the purchaser carries Il
with him hopefully until noon of th<
second day, when he leaves 1t some
where%With curse on it; for. OF al
the marvels of human inefficiency
the ordinary phrase book wins the
prize.
For the most part, the book tells
you how to say, II you could pro
nounce it: why does the man with
the white horse drive so slowly up
the hill?" or "My Cousin Alphonse
this beautiful day, has read a charm
ing hook about the Illuminated SOUL
There lis an actual sample sen
tence:s Can you tell me, If you
please, where / can secure cast iron
cook stove?" ~ -
There remain two ways to acquire
common, or war, French; the aca.
demic and the hand-to.mouth. q:
The academic method is based on
the verb, and the hand.t0 mouth ia
based on the noun, which makes q
radical divergence right at the start.
The acad emician takes his Begin.
ner's French Grammar. and studies
the verb s"avoir" in alt its ghastly var,
iations until his intellect is gum:
med. .;z' e !. 81
He perhaps knows how to say what
to do with thing, but, having, no
nouns, does not know how to say
what to do 1t with
The, hsnd,to. .mouther acquires a
good firm grip on one noun. for IN
stance Cheese" and painfully builds
on that. j iii
The drawback to his method is that
he knows the name Of the object. but,
having no verbs, does no know how to
say what to do with 1t. sE H..
You'll usually find an academician
and hand.to.mouther in close COM
panionship. They need each other. 4.
They are at dinner. They decide
that they would like some cheese. The
academician, who is always more
showy-we'll call him Roland-sum.
mons the waiter. and clears his throat.
~ aural." he begins, then remem-
bers that this means II shall have .
and that they both want cheese.
Nous aurai." he wrongfully cor
rects himself, while the waiter, bond.
ing attentively over them, though
with q watchful eye on the three ad.
}oining tables, smiles enc0uragingly;
he 10 perfectly willing to let that trifl.
ing error make no difference between
them.
Roland however. feels that his repu.
tati0nt is at stake. He's put too much
sime on the verb "avoir'' to permit
himself such carelessness: so he col.
ors, though he tries to smile, and
clutches, his forelock.
How in thunder h does one say I'VE
shall have!''. ' Y
e & Nous; something Or other. "Nous"
Is I'VE" all right. All! It comes to
him In s flash.
y Nous auvrons. s'il vous plait," he
again begins, ;gli5ly, then brings up
with q sudden, stop.
He has forgotten the word for
Some in fact. he can't remember
that he ever did know a word for
'some::'.He does not intend to leave
nut anything he had started to put
In, since he II perfect so far: far be
II from him to nay merely: 1--WE shall
have, II you please. cheese!
Z So he sticks, and turns red behind
the ears. and the hand:to omouther--
we'll call him Jim grins in fiendish
glee, and the waiter completes the job
hy saving, encouragingly: "Oui, mon.
sieur?"
i Now is the time for Jim to come to
the rescue. With q confident smile
he leans back, and looks the waiter
calmlv IN the brown eye, and says,
Just like that:
'Fromage.''
y''Oui. monsieur!!" The waiter turns
to Jim in delighted relief. All! He got
.ft!' Jim swells with pride and Roland
greens with envy.
Just then the waiter pours forth an
unexpected stream of French which
sounds like one word two yards long,
and waits expectantly; even eagerlv
II. The acalemician and the hand-to.
mouther gaze at each other In blank
-perplexity.
Jim feebly repeats "fromage," and
It meets with the same success as be
fore 30 far 40 understanding goes, but
1t 'brings no cheese.
What's he saying anyhow; that they
have no cheese. that it's forbidden to
sell cheese ct this hour, or what?
q A little pink comes up In the cheeks
OF lin. va ss:-s3
f Somehow Ne feeh that his rights as
m American citizen and . .soldfsr are
being fAffinged sos sher straightens