davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
Poor Richard, Jr.
Proverbs Maxms and Apothegms All Beaten Up Into a
Froth and Made Palatabe With Dash of
Baeresque Paprika.


marching election
all
am no
youth
belt beneath the thee
fSh like giving him belt the
saith it.
MAJ
foot to a
who his $
absorbing
ing. Backwards
The of ma 8
thee
Brussels
tntor his
doeth the
the il stick thy index
healc,h everything nut
hath cover than CRATES Adams apple
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
His Name Is German
but His Spirit American.

Fred WurZer, 31S West Cedar. might
have a German name and be of Ger
man extraction, but nevertheless he
says he is a loyal American citizen
and has written the following letter
to The Missouiian, defining his posi-
tom.
u wish to hereby make a statement
to the public of the city of Missoala,
in defense of MY nosition in regard to
the Internal ional difficulty into which
we, as an American people, have be
come involved.
1T has come to my knowledge that
| have been rated as pro- German
by certain parties unknown to me,
whereas | wish to herewith publicly
state that despite my German ances-
try / am for America first last and
always
And furthermore / stood for our
president before and during his past
election to which fact no acquaintance
of mine can testify against and | am
more than willing to abide by his and
TIE present governments decisions as
to our conduct during the present
struggle
IF there is one citizen Of rcpute in
this community who can rishiully
criticize this statement | challenge his
opposition
And finally, as an American citizen,
| demand my rights to be regarded as
a loyal supporter of our flag ana our
president and our caunrty.
,Signedb
FRED WIFRZEE."
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
BACK HOME.

We extend our hcarlieSt lelicl
tations 10 the Standard upon it,
return To a new home in AnacOn-
da, which. we hear, is to house
the finest newspaper plant be
tween The Missouri river and the
IcoaSt. Save for the day after the
disastrous fire Of February 1, one
would not have known from the
Standards appearance that it had
been published under very diff
cult conditions.
We are glad, too, that after a
ten weeks residence in Butte the
Standard will return to The old
bucolic life at Anaconda, with It's
morals llnirnpaircd Butte Is a
most sinful town and few visitors
escape its environments without
contamination. It is an ever
burning flame that consumes all
rural moths that come within its
dazzling zone. Colonel Eggle~
ston viii enjoy the return to vii
laee life. There he may white
|away on the dry goods boxes with
the farmers who come to pay
their subscriptions in cOrdwood,
smoke his corncob pipe in peace
land wear his garden ovcralls
down to work with no thought of
shocking such plutocrats as are
common on the fashionable bou-
levards Of Butte. One of the
great advantages Of life in q vii
lagc is that one may belong to the
PLAN people without camontlagc
or effort.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
DID BETTER HIMSELF.

'ohhny b, who has seen eight
summers go by. not very long ago de-
Veloped a fondness for playing hooky
from school. After two or three of =
lenses OF this kind he was taken to task
by his teacher.
Johnny" she said, the next time
you are absent l want you to bring
me an excuse from your father telling
me why You We're not here"
i don't want to bring an excuse
from my father" protested the boy,
why not?" asked the teacher har
suspicion plain.
Cause father isn't any good tn max
ing eXcuses."-Topeka State Journal.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

u. tblanklyl-What are you two nuts
talking about?
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. your anxiety
to get Ed to the hospital today.
d. tsmilingly crookedly)-Say. neith-
er of YOU two have ever been to the
hospital. have you? Well. don't. To
make sure the boys who report aren't
taking to get out of work, they ad-
minister a dose to each on entry-oh,
boy. Remember grandma's sulphur
and molasses? Papa's iron tonic?
Mammals valerian? Mix 'em all to-
gether. then add the way drug
store smells when they've used asa
foetida in a prescription and YOU
have that dose. That is why it is
imperative that Ed go to the hospi-
tai.
Il. docking after him)-"A mother 5
care"-your eye.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
Camp Comedies
BY Alma Woodward.

Scene: Camp Lewis. Time; $50
a. m.
Grows of gray humps, anatomy in
'istinguishabe, disturbing the pure
outlines of army cots. line the long
barracks room. Suddenly the diabol-
cal reveille piercess the grayn,ss ont
sltse and echoes obtrtIsiyelv into the
hreams of Uncle Sans snoozers),
'nosing from undal the hlankets)
If that guy had the wrist timepiece
my sister gave me he'd have to figure
out $50 a. m. by compound interest
ana wed have longer to sleep. It's
disgusting how accurate - a buglers
watch can be.
Is tgruntinE)-Iicwc can YOU think Of
Ihlnss to SAY at this movable. mid
'hShi hour? | think ynn write 'em
Gown before You so 10 sleep and put
I'm under your FELLOW.
{ tyawning systematically -~ Less
conversation Spend your time in
silent prayer that ;li the shower baths
may be frozen UP again this morning.
ID tsittinE oreu IN bedl~-H How do YOU
feel. Ed?
L tslowly)--Oh. l feel pretty good,
guess.
ID teaynestlS) DO You feel worse'n
You did last night"
Il with soEae hesitation)---l can't cx-
actly SaN--on" minute | do and one
minute | don't
d fbont on being explicit We'll. do
You feel better'n YOU did last nightp
r. breathing hard) i don't think I'd
say that exactly. You sec
- tmuch pertsrbed) Well, say, YOU
!pta feel either better or worse
tank you're pretty sick myself, and if
were You I'd report to the hospital
iirSt thing this morning before they
kill you drilling.
h Cooking wan)-l don't like to go to
the hospital somehuw~-~l don't like thu,
sound Of the woodland I'm not eX-
actly sick YOU know. I'm.
ID teApostulatinE) -~~ Not exactly
sick! Why, If YOU could see your face
as | see ii nuw-nut that l. want to
brighten anybody, but take a bit rf
advice, Ed, from one who knows It's
always best to be on the safe side.
r. twoHkly) Just because Nuu've
been in the hospital lately you ,hiu',
It's III" right thing for rae TO do.
ID. NerN much hurD--Do You U,inll
that's particularly gracious thing to
interest IN You when you're IN the
blink down here in 0lmp way from
your folks and everything?
T., anoiogeticaily)--I didn't mean il
mat way, Dan: honest. | didn't and its
~ood of You to take an Interest. and
guess | will go to the sospi,al as
soon ms the sergeant come in.
ID. tsmiiing at him1- We'll That's
more like IT, kid-youn aon get we'll
there.
During this dialogue / 40 other bows
have fingered in their dressing to lis
ten, open mouthed. AT the conclusion
they stare at each 9th ct, unbelievins).
n. tgasping)-Did y on listen +, that?
what's come" The millenni,nm--or
what? Dan has alw ays hated the sight
OF td-would go out of his way to
make him miserable and now he's
talkins toalam issse y hruther. 4
h. temphaticaNsJ--rd say ne was
giving him a mothers care. l never
heard such tender inquiries in nv life.
Ever since he came out of The huspi-
tai two days ago he's treated him like
that. | tell You, there's nothing like Il
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
JAMES NEW JOB.

In their study of news values,
our young friends of the school
OF journalism, under the shadow
OF Mount Sentinel, may be inter
ested in the following item,
thought worthy of transmission
by wire from Boston to Chicago,
The Boston Evening Record, the
eldest paper in the city. il Prob
ably the first metropolitan daily to
have a woman city editor Mrs.
Anne Frye, known under the pen
name Of Jane Pride. has been ST
lected, and her star reporter viii
be her own husband. Ralph Frye.
Mrs. Frye has been in the local
newspaper field for several Yeas
and formerly vas connected with
the Traveller.
Nothing SO wonderful NOu SAY?
Yes, and no. Nothing that STAR
ties, perhaps, since women are
becoming street ear contractors,
trolley women, flag women. mu-
nltlon workers, police women and
fast taking the place IT mrn III
other occupations. On the other
hand, it is a bit Of news, hrrauNr
it is Information Of something
hitherto unknown.
Women, of course, have been
active III newspaper work for
many years. although, The trndrn-
cy oil late years has been Ia en-
ploy fewer Of them in large
newspaper offices. The impor-
tant feature of this news is that
Jane Pride has become an cxecu-
tive. Temperamentally, women
have been usually regarded as
unfit for executive positions. The
highest quality of an executive is
that OF getting the best work from
the best selected staff. If Ralph
will work better for Jane than for
another boss, then she is a sue
cess, other things being equal. j,
is, however, a distinct innova-
ton. Fancy Jane calling her hus-
band TO the city. desk and saying
Hustle down TO The Parker
House, dear. Interview I. r.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

One Of the war correspondents
writes that they always tell the
presence Of Americans in the
French village by the cleanliness.
hygiene Is the watchword with
them. Before they establish a
regular water supply, they bring
barrels Of water to make up the
deficiency Of dried up pools or
Springs. Immediately on arrival
IN town, they clean it up of
everything that may tend to
spread disease. Especially are
they tidy in their appearance and
they are as devoted to a bath as
an Engl'>hman. Probably this is
one of the mheritances of the
Spanish war when, after winning
the war HE Americans proceed
ed to dlSlnlect Cuba from end to
end, rid it Of yellow fever and
make 1t place for the habitatiOn
Of whit" men.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

whether he will talk or not, and
hurry back for the late home edi-
ton"
Another interesting inference
lis that the newspaper offices OF
the large cities are becoming de-
pIetcd and that the editor Of the
Boston Record has decided to
take time by the forelock and
train women for executive work.
Naturally. we are interested and
will watch the experiment with
interest. to the end that we may
decide to search The Montana
school Of journalism for 4 city
editor when our own brave boys
are called to France.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
Talk Of the To,u,l
Here's "over Here" sona
for Home. Front Army.

Beulah +. Dunstan, formerly a Mis-
soula girl, but now with the Venice
Evening Vanguard in Venice Cal,
writes of a new Liberty loan song sung
10 the tune of over There" that the
California Liberty loan committee has
distributed over the state to aid in the
the drive for the third loan
II hope you use this song Missou-
lians will be glad to have new words
for the famous Over There andsI be-
lieve that Mr.. De Loss Smith will have
il sung at the community singing. We
, haven't any such singing here and if
weren't too busy sight seeing | know
| would miss it awfully"
Following is a copy of the song that
| Miss DunStan has sent.
| Won't you buy bond Liberty bond.
good as gold.
| They must all be sold, all be sold. all he
sold,
| To the people, you and me, every son
Of liberty
| Hurry right away, no delay, go today,
| To bank in town, where they'll he
found, they're sound,
| Help to build the kaisers hearse
CHORUS
| over here, over here, buy q bond. buy
| bond over here
| Show our cash is backing, our cash is
backing,
/ The Blue and Khaki everywhere
| so prepare Save your spare.
! Send the word, send the word, we are
there
| We are buying. We all are buying.
And we will buy ill it's over over there.
[ Won't you buy bond, hear the call,
| good and clear
| intfest twice Il year, never fear, never
Hoist the flag and let her fly. We at
| home must buy and buy
DO your little bit, show your grit save
, You should buy bond buy a bond,
| buy bond
| Make all others proud Of YOU
| And the old Red. White and Blue
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

siege OF sickness to bring out the
brotherhood of raan.
\. (still perpleNedp-But you know
there's nothing really the matter with
Ed--he hasn't toawed out Yet from his
last bath. that's all. What's the use OF
a chap like that going to hospital?
h. (charitahb)-W ! like to see
one fellow take care of another like
that-especially when one has been
such a sworn enemy of the other.
dan. the solicitous one, having fin
ished his dressing, walks down the
room).
A. Dumping up)-Thats n fine thing
YOU did just now, Dan. I'm proud of
you. 80 -=-.-.-
Il. (grosping his hand)-Yes, to get
over prejudice such as you hasi for
Ed and concern yourself so earn estly
with his health is
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
q
Missoula Contributes
TO Tobacco Fund.

Many American soldiers serving in
France Will smoke good United States
made tobacco as u result Of the con
tributiOnS made by MissoulianS to the
tobacco fund sponsored by the Span
ish American War Veterans. The col
lection boxes have been placed IN all
the tobacco stores, saloons and hotels
and $63.3l has been collected.
The amounts We're collected from the
various places as follows: Missoula ho-
tel, $l0.35; Florence bar, 1888 Kelley's
cigar store, Sl.34; Turf bar, S2.75 Glea-
sons cigar store, 30 cents; oxford bar,
1892; Pioneer bar, $5.31; Western bar,
s4.9S. Atlantic bar, $Sl4; Louvre bar.
$500; Mint bar, 1851; Los Angeles
winehouse, Sl.72; Falstaff bar. $2.5S;
frazier's bar, S2.Sl: Peter Versailles,
+, St. Ignatius, 81.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
THURSDAY, APRIL is, 1918.
NO LITTLE FATHER FOR Us.

One of the buiwarks OF The An
glo-Saxon government Of which
our own government is an inhcrl-
lance, is its allegiance to the
fundamental that that govern
ment is best that governs least
It is to the Britishers inherent
love of personal liberty and his
insistence on the protection OF
his personal rights that We owe
all that exists Of democracy IN
the world today.
In contrast with this, is The
German idea that a government
must regulate everybody ana
everything, down to the smallest
detail of everyday life. The gen
crations Of Germans for fifty
years have been taught that prin-
ciple from birth, and the result is
a people acting automatically to
the will Of their rulers and with
out the desire, or seemingly, the
capacity to act for themselves as
individuals. They are willing to
permit the kaiser and his junkcrs
to do their thinking for them, and
from this groundwork there has
grown up an organization that
surpasses anything known i'll his
tory in its capacity to execute the
will of single mind.
One Of the dangers to be guard
ed against is the growth of that
sort Of a system in our own
country. In war times, as we are
finding, it is necessary for our
government to extend its power
into our daily lives to consid-
cradle extent in order to concen-
trate all efforts toward victory.
Decidedly, the government should
control the food situation, even to
the issuance of food cards, if nee
essary, because if we fail to sup
ply the allies with food, we lose.
We must willingly submit to this
and to other regulations Of sim
liar character in other fields, but
we must also not forget that this
form of paternalism is purely a
war measure and is not to be en-
tended or continued after the
time, when it's purpose has been
achieved. Macaulay says truth
fully in one Of his essays that
Nothing is SO CALLING to a people
not broken in from birth, as a
paternal, or, in other words, a
meddling government; a govern
ment that tells them what to read,
and say and eat and drink and
wear -. - - - @~ % % "~~
Our people are free, independ-
ent, liberty loving and prosper
Gus because their rights as indi-
vidnals have been respected.
There are times" says Eb
Hopkins, when you want to let
things alone, and then again,
there are times when you want
to NEEDLE. | lean closest to let
tin 'em alone myself. The gov
ments control of everything from
wheat cakes to railroads may be
comm, and it may be best, but
I'm personally a leetle skittish of
it,"
There is a good deal of sound
sense in this everyday philosophy
OF our farmer friend from m
diana.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

just as long as the allied line
remains. II" matter how thin it
becomes. bow it bends or how
Tar back 1t Is pushed, that long j.
Germany defeated in its aim
10 WIN TINS war at a single stroke,
Inc race Is for III" strong and is
not to be Wun in a whirlwlnd
rush. This is distance race and
not a fIve-fnrlong dash, and in
Ut Is America that is Just warm
ing up for the contest.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

Al the present rate Of decimal
j'"n, Won illmdrnb,rg will be able
|" carry back III a suitcase all that
= lett of his line.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
HIDES OF SEA LIONS.

japanese utilize the hides OF Sea
lions for the manufacture of waterproof
leather, which has various uses.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

Some men succeed by taking
chance. and others succeed by taking
everything lse.-Binghamton Press.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

III cleaning NhN>uuIA Of pro
'rrInan>m It j. Wcll t. remember
.'"N"ir"u : HNtn that an open
enemy - better than doubtful
ally.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

Owing to a scarcity of adding
machines, The Germans no longer
report death lists.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

George Crcol may thank God
mat America was unprcpurcd to
enter tins war, but there could
nave been u" reasonable ohicc-
'!"h I" a NTH" preparation for
George before he took his lob.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18
WHY TIE FOUR SERVANTS.

Why are you leaving us, Mary =?
Haven't ! treated you right"
"Oh, yes. ma am. l have been treat e
ed beautifully. But you only keep
two servants"
We'll, what of that? You don't find
the work hard, do you?"
"Oh, no. ma'am, But, you see, I've
always lived where there We're four
servants. And that suits me better.
on account Of my fondness for auction
bridge, ma'am." Philadelphia Star.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

An autmatic saw sharpener has been
invented that files each tooth to the
same length and angle.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-04-18

shoudst have the Why shouldst hog
getting S fec marching election parades?
Cayton's weekly. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1916-1921, 1918-03-02

SOW the seeds of disloyalty in this fair city
of ours.
Certain it is that there are grounds for
looking upon Bradford in disloyal light
for has he not already announced that, IT
elected, his first official act would be the
removal of Chief Warren, whose appoint
ment was due to the advocacy of the Fed
eral government that the town might be
freed from the vice grip, which had made
things so vile in Seattle that United States
soldiers were not permitted to visit the
city? The town under Chief Warren has
been cleaned up and the ban raised, but now
comes Candidate Bradford and announces
at the shrine of organized labor, eff I am
elected mayor of Seattle l will immedi-
ately fire Chief Warren. I will further see
to it that only union labor be employed by
the various industrial concerns of the city
and if the members of union labor strike,
strike breakers will not be permitted to take
their places" Under such circumstances is
there any wonder that organized labor
would throw over even so good friend as
Mayor Gill and 60 into hysteria in efforts
to elect this new Moses? Let's hope that
Seattle will be kept free from being a
breeding ground for disolyalty and still
support the government with patriotic ar
dor no less enthusiastic than was that of the
immortal Patrick Henry. This can not, in
our opinion, be done with j. E. Bradford
as mayor of Seattle and it is up to the pat
riotsm Of every loyal citizen of Seattle to
defeat him at the polls next Tuesday.
Cayton's weekly. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1916-1921, 1918-03-02
' HE'S A MAN

Who labOrs under the delusiOn that a
great majority of the colored folk of this
country are devoid Of real manhood and
will take any kind of treatment that an over
prejudiced white person may hand out to
them, if by so doing they can hold on to
more or less lucrative job, has think COM
ing. When the Seattle butchers went out
on strike quite a few colored men and
women were given employment at the
slaughter houses and especially at Frye &
Co. For few days all went we'll as
marriage bell, but at the first pay day the
colored women say the white women were
paid from So to So apiece more than the
colored women. No, the colored women
made no holler or demonstration, but none
OF them showed up for work the next Mon
day. The cOlOred men took to the work
like ducks to water and their adaptability
was highly complimented by the manage
ment The men were paid so much per day,
with board and lodging and black and
white were treated just the same But
Gen. Negrophobia got busy and the colored
men were told to take seats at table in
one corner of the dining room, thereby es-
tablishng segregation. They refused to ac-
cept the accommodations and complained to
.H0 SoHclol IudHdSeAHenl, Out MS mind had
been poisoned and he would give no relief
and so forty in number asked for their
time This was not pleasing to the man
agement, but it would not at that time give
IN. and after getting their money the men
quietly left for their homes The next dav
however, drummer for the concern was
trying to round up the men and those found
were promised if they would come back thew
would see no more signs Of discrimination
The most Of the men have returned to work
Cayton's weekly. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1916-1921, 1918-03-02
ONCE TOO OFTEN

From the Tacoma colored business mans
standpoint things are most decidedly on the
bum since the war department has trans
ferred the colored soldiers from Camp
Lewis. What but yesterday seemed a
golden opportunity is today only the recol-
lections of mirage The small fortunes in
vested in places of accommodations, amuse-
ment and entertainment are much like
Goldsmith s deserted village, and the hired
help is taking a much needed rest. A story
among the vulgar runs thusly: can opos-
sum met fox and inquired Of it, why it's
tail was so bushy and beautiful, while mine
is so long and string-lke without hair or
ornament, to which the fox replied if you
would like beautiful tail like mine, go to
deep blue spring of water at 12 o'clock
p. m. and dip it into the water three times
one after the other and the hair will begin
to grow. The opossum followed instruc-
tions and to it's delight he saw the hair be-
gin to come out, but it was not growing as
rapidly as was desired and so the tail was
given fourth douse, whereupon the bud
ding hair all slipped off again and what
bade fair to be a beautiful, bushy tail was
again the long bony string - 1t is reported
that the colored business men dipped their
tails into the pockets Of the soldiers once
too often.