The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-08-26

His Column.
CO0NAEM/ Q8

Sore.
AT my airplane | can't ret mad"
owe inc dear old plane the more
Because II always makes me soar
Cool.
How did you manage TO remain cool
in the hour OF dangef1" we asked the
hero.
u couldn't help being cool" replied
the hero. MY teeth were chattering."
Fact.
The letters you forget to mail
May cause you woe. but you win learn
The letters that will cost YOU kaIe
Are those that you forget TO burn.
Removing the Cause.
The best way to deal with profanity
IS TO remove It's cause" observed the
philosopher
Well replied the ~rotunder, lets
start in and kill off all the prohibitions
Ists and pro-Germans in the country"
Ho, HUM
Poor married mani Beyond a doubt
your lots a bitter pill,
For. II your sins don't find you out,
BE certain your wife will.
--
Obi
why do you say that Smith is a man
of loose habitS?" asked Brown.
He is always tight, isn't he?" de-
manded Jones.
-
O%ssifer, Call a Copl
My pipe was out. | had no match.
80 begged one nom old man Hatch,
But he would not give me a light
Because II was a lightless night.
Oh, Joyl
Octave ScaleS OF Rockingham, n. C.,
has offered TO give music lessons to the
members of the club.
Obi
No, dear reader, Z, z. Duer is not At
the head of the get-rich-quick corpora
ton He is president OF killbuek
(Ohio) Savings bank,
Alta Boyi
You'd reckon that Hi Stepp was q
city slicker, wouldn't your Well, he
amt He is just one OF the natives Of
Logan, West Virginia.
Betcbal
The kaiser will discover thsessh Il
takes to X mock the junk out OF junker- :
ism, we have.
Mercy
Some Of the corn feds in the club
are peeved because Henry Helder in
Commanche, Okla.
Luke MeLuke Says.
The lazy man who used to sit around
and blame his poverty on the trusts
now sits around and blames his power
ty on the war.
Isn't it wonderful how big a girls
waist can get after she marries and
the first baby requires most Of her at
tention.
What has become Of the oid-fash4(
toned man who studied the fashioel
plates for men before he would let tho
tailor make him a suit3
Anyway, the up-to-date young mother |
who keeps, a half dozen feeding bot |
ties in the house will never realize the
pleasure of keeping the entire neigh
borhood awake while the baby is being
weaned.
II YOU want people to agree with
you, all you have TO do Is to knock
yourself.
When there are only one or two kids
in the family, they are helpless and
require a lot of waiting IN. But when
there are nine or ten kids in the family
il is marvellous how they can help
themselves.
His kind are 30 rare in this world
that any man who thinks before he
speaks loon gets a reputation as a sage
A wife knows that If she lets hskH
husband have his own way he is goiH
to make fool Of himself. And ten
times out of nine she is right.
Some women are so jealous that II
they ever got into heaven with their
husbands and their husbands were or
dered to attend harp practice, they
would be afraid TO let their husbands
go alone for fear they might flirt with
some blonde angel You may think
this is exaggerated, but il isn't.
T~heoSophists claim to have weighed
a soul and that the soul weighed Just
seven-sixteenths Of an ounce. Those
birds must have dug up a Hun soul by
mistake and weighed il. II a filthy
Hun has any soul at all, and we have
our doubts. his soul would weigh about
seven-sixteenths Of an ounce.
Talking about souls, why do We
maintain that a dog. which Is 900
percent decenter animal than q Hun,
has no soul, and claim that a Hun, who
is ll,423 percent lower than 4 mud
poke, has a soul. just because the Hun
can say "kultur" and the dog can'ti
Nine out Of every ten men are home
ly. But the fact that each OF the ten
men believes that he is the exception