davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
PINK LEMONADE AND CLOWN

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
 SA AUST the circus go? Will the
 IWll insistent demands upon the rail- G VA ways decree the end of the great leveler of taste, the symbol of democracy in art? The Roman Emperor who gave the public bread and circuses to divert them from political agitation knew what he was doing. When the elephants the camels, the giraffes, the wild beasts in their cages, the bareback riders the clowns come into town, noth- ing else matters. The gravest citizen will drop his ordinary affairs to see them pass. Nor are his demands, or even those of the small boy, the keenest critic of all. so exigent as too ambitious man. agers have believed. A circus is a cir CHS. One ring is as good as three-Ay, better. for what eye can look in more than one direction at once? The cir GUS should not trouble about the rail- ways. even if the stern degree of exile is pa ssed upon it. Let it furnish its own power as in it's simpler days Alas, that lit should ever have been commercialized
 endowed with unwonted and needless splendors, robbed of the homely friend Illness which is it's very essence! Were temporary adversity to restore pink lem onade and the clown to their pristine
 supremacy, the sacrifice would be wei
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
Punishment Needed To Fit the Crime

A MOTHER master spy" has been 8A captured, this time German who is alleged to have been associated with Ambassador Won Bernstorff and Captain Boy-Ed, when these two pre- cious rascals were most actively plot ting against the peace and security of the American government. This man, Walter Spoermann, Sporrmann, or Sporemann, as his name is vari- ously spelled in the press dispatches, was singularly bold in his operations, even masquerading, according to one account, as an American army officer. He is charged specifically with trying to set fire to magazine at the army aviation depot near Newport News, Virginia.
 < There is a strong demand in all parts of the country, from army and navy officers, as well as civilians, that this man, if convicted of the charges brought against him, should be executed. There is no getting around the fact that until few spies md traitors are shot, the fires and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
LIKE MLuKE SAYS

You may have noticed that the man who is liberal with his promises is just as liberal with his excuses.
 Never overstay your welcome. A well come never comes with guarantee not to wear out.
 After you meet some men the impress sion they leave is that they were too busy talking to say anything.
 Why is it that men who despise other things that are secondhand will feel proud of secondhand wife?
 If women had to shave before they went out, the managers would have to fix be the Kaiser Is because Americans are a nation of optimists with absolute faith in themselves. We have never met an American who would for one moment entertain the idea that any power on earth could whip Old Glory. And you can't beat that spirit Every bride expects to spend more with the department store than she does with the grocery store. and more with the milliner shop than she does with the butcher shop. But it doesn't take her long to discover that she has to reverse the process. Nature has made some mistakes. Ant one of them was when she failed tt make the American Beauty as hardy a. she made the American onion.
 things so that performances in theatre; would start an hour later than they d at present.
 l It isn't because General Grants face t on the S10,0O0 bills that we are so ia
 miliar with the features of the civil wa
 leader.
 It may seem paradoxical. But some times little man will come up to you expectations. while tall man will fal | short.
 The man who has fine head of hal is careless in parting it. But the ma who has only eight hairs left never fail
 to get four on one side of the part an four on the other side.
 Isn't it disgusting how man wi brag about himself when he could bragging about you?
 A farmer can't understand how a cit man manages to stay awake after o'clock at night.
 Another reason why we would hate {
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
v FT v Conserving of Fuel Absolutely Essential

1IUEL ADMINISTRATORS GAR 4 FIELDS order closing down for five days, beginning tomorrow morning, and on Mondays and holi- days for a period of ten weeks, every manufacturing plant east of the Mississippi river in the United States, except those producing food, is made necessary as means of meeting the coal famine situation. It is estimated that in this way thirty million tons of fuel will be saved
 It is a drastic order and will cause some hardship, but no one can con- plain, for MT. Garfield's course is ab solutely essential to the welfare of the public. It may be that the order shutting down industries on Mondays during the ten-week period will have to be extended, but according to pres ent indications fuel will be sufficient ly conserved to allow all plants to be operated without further interrup- tion.
 Adverse weather conditions within the past ten days and "the inadequacy of the coal supply and transportation facilities to meet the wartime demand, have made necessary immediate re- lstrictive measures"
 Except on the days covered in the order the normal supply of coal to all consumers will be maintained. The lfuel administration counts upon "the complete patriotic cooperation of every individual, firm and corporation affected by the crder in it's enforce ment." MT. Garfield, in his statement Issued last night, says that "the plan proposed will be carried out without undue interference with the ordinary course of business; that it is the earn est desire of the fuel administration ! to prevent entirely any permanent dis location of industry or of labor"
 These are war days and every loyal
 American is ready to cooperate in
 every possible manner in all plans seeking to win victory for humanity
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

From the Atlanta Constitution.
 TN an Associated Press dispatch to the
 Constitution from Somewhere with
 S the American army in France" there
 is a plea for pity for the army mule
 driver, who has been restricted, by
 general order, from swearing at the
 mule.
 While the order doesn't make It nec-
 essary for the manager of mule-or
 at least, the man who thinks he can
 manage one-to coax that time-tough-
 ened animal with caresses. it neverthe- less suggests that milder methods than ancient and approved swearing might work wonders in moving mule to serse of duty.
 Never was a greater mistake! That is the testimony of the army mule skinner" as he is called, who says, with truth, that there never was mule yet that didn't like to be cussed at "It's de only way-outside O half frailin' de life out O. it wid a fence rail- of gittin' any work out of a mule,' is the authoritative word of a sable philosopher who adds the warning that if you start to reason with a mule, you must stay right whar his head is, an watch out dat he don't change ends too quick for you!"
 All mules are from Missouri" as tc being shown but there is only one way to show 'em. And that way is the way of their raising which, for nov | ing purposes, unfortunately, demands the emphasis of words that make a blue streak in the atmosphere" but which are easily understood by all intelligent mules that do not forget their raising"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
Punish Draymen Who
 Charge Too Much

MA1 ANY complaints have been made GV4 to the Jefferson county fuel board that draymen have charged ex- cessive prices for hauling small quan- tities of coal. 1t is stated that an in- vestigation will be made, and if the owners of drays and trucks are found guilty of taking advantage of the pub lie in the present fuel crisis, they will have their licenses revoked.
 This is a matter that should be at tended to at once. The delivery sys- tenn of many local coal dealers broke down when the latest blizzard struck Birmingham. Even under normal weather conditions they would not have been able to supply all the de- mands made on their wagon teams and motor trucks. Where dealers had coal for sale and could not deliver it, particularly to the suburbs, people de- string to buy coal were told that they could get it if they would have it de- livered themselves. As a result, indi- viduals and firms doing a general haulage business saw an opportunity to exact large returns from the clam orous public, which was willing, in some cases, to pay almost anything for the use of truck or dray.
 A legitimate profit could have been made in this way, and there would have been no complaint, but it is par ticularly exasperating to learn that while Birmingham philanthropists are giving away coal to needy persons and people who have the money to buy it but cannot, interruptions owners o1 trucks and drays are charging as much as the coal is actually worth tt haul it. Anyone found guilty of thi. form of extortion should be severely dealt with. There is too much suffer ing in Birmingham to tolerate sucl practices.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
Alliance of Musicians
 Now Strongly Urged

HOHN c. FREUND, editor of O Musical America, in emphasiz- ing the importance of an alliance of those engaged in the profession of music, points out that while musical art has earnest advocates in many cities "in some capitals an absolutely antagonistic attitude is assumed by legislators when any question comes up regarding music or the arts" They do not want to hear anything about it; have no time for it. They say it does not belong within the scope of their activities.
 In the mind of MT. Freund these considerations "logically bring us to 1.-two conclusions"-the first, that there can be no general national sentiment with regard to the matter until those Interested in music as a livelihood get together. That is one of the main purposes of the alliance. Secondly, says Musical America, that when mu- sicians have gotten together and rep resent a distinct force in the body polite, "they surely will be able to bring about the establishment of a ministry of fine arts in the national government."
 Many artists, including singers, in Istrumentalists and composers, indorse MT. Freund's movement. The senti- ment expressed is to the effect that the founder of the alliance is on the right track.
 The cabinet will be enlarged some lday, but not during the war. A de. partment of munitions, which. Senator
 Chamberlain proposed in his recen
 bill, having met with decided opposi
 tion on the part of President Wilson
 land Secretary Baker, will never be
 leone reality. When the time i propitious for increasing the cabine the new member will probably b. istyled Secretary of Education. Tn I National Educational association ha Ibeen for several years recommending that the educators of America be rep resented in the cabinet. As it is toda educational interests are looked afte
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
MILDNESS AND THE MULE

The mule knows its masters voice."
 as 1t does the land where it was raised
 and born," and the American mule must
 be addressed in pure "American." with no frills of French nor subtleties of
 gentleness; for these latter are the
 things that make a candid, experienced mule suspicious, and provoke desire to kick out of harness. You can't treat the mule like brother,' says the army mule man in France; and he knows what he's talk ing about.
 Treat the mule "brotherly-lil1e'' and in quick time thereafter one would be ask ing himself the question of the old
 darkey who tried "to reason with
 mule:"
 "Is dis here me, or not me, Or has de devil got me? Wuz dat cannon shot me? Has I laid here more'n a week?" i The mule deserves kindly mention, but expects hard handling-at least, to the i language employed to make mule re-
 alze that you mean business; for it is. doubtless true that there is no more gem tleness in a mules heart than there is | in it's heels.
 l The mules General Pershing's order contemp1ates for milder language meth ods are Missouri mules; but they are ! not different. Kindly disposed persons have honestly tried to make a gentler
 creature of the Georgia mule, when, as they imagined, it "backed'' it's ears to be
 caressed; and their experience would be
 enlightening; but they are not here now. iThe Georgia mule didn't understand them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

by commissioner under the Secre- tary of the Interior. Music is now generally considered part of educa- ton, and if the views of the national association are put into effect by Con- gress the new department might well include the profession of music.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
THIRsT1NG FOR REVENGE

This account of my wedding is all a mistake" said the angry caller. I'm not married and have no intention of getting married.''
 'Well! Wcll~ exclaimed the harassed editor. Somebody must have played a trick on us both. I'll make the correction for you.''
 "see that you do"
 "And-er-if you happen to discover the author of this practical joke and give him the thrashing he deserves, I'll keep it out of my paper if have to suspend publication"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
FORGED VACATIONS

From the Detroit News.
 It must be that every time the poys on the Berlin voerwaerts want few days off they prod the boss into writins an editorial removing the eplderniis itoiil Kaiser Bill Bill then orders the snop shut up for week. And nothing 10 do hut read the exchanges and look over inc pictorial reviews.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
ADRIFTT WITH THE TIMES
SAD REALITIES

Tell me not in mournful numbers
 Life is but an empty dream, When caked ice the pipes encumbers
 And we can't turn on the steam; When the coal man says, I'm sorry,
 But l have no coal today" And we cannot beg or borry
 From a neighbor cross the way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
HEAT IN OLD NEWSPAPERS

From the Boston Post.
 Use your old newspapers to keep cold out; out of your house; away from your body. Put them between your windows and curtains cold nights, stop all cracks where too much cold enters Put them under the sheets and between the GOV CTS of your bed. Cheapest blankets In the world. Put them around your per- son between your under and outer gar ments. An extra newspaper inside your vest. Put them between your stockings and drawers and around the lower ex- tremities when out in the cold, well ur toward the knees Save coal, save wood save cotton, save wool. Keep heat in cold out
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
SOME FEETLEss POETRY
(Contributed.)

My Tuesdays are meatless, my Wednes- days are wheatless. and I'm going more eatless each day.
 My home it is heatless, my bed 1t is sheetless, they've been sent to the Y. M. c. A.
 The barrooms are treatless, my coffee is sweetless, each day I grow poorer and wiser.
 My socks they are feetless, my trousers are seatless, Oh, my, how I do hate the Kaiser! w" in Toronto Star.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
rAIL IN OREGON

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. An oregon man made the statement m h,. ouestionnaire that he was mine feet six inches high and weighed lS pounds. A soldier like that could disguise him self as boaconstriotor and scare, the Germans to death.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
x WOMAN WRorE THIs

From the Memphis Commercial-Appeal.
 Those White House pickets owe the President a public apology for having so harassed him these past months; not many men would have had the generos- ity to recommend the passage of the suffrage act after such treatment. even by limited branch of suffragists. Hats off you ''wild women."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
WHERE FRIENDSHIP CEASES

From the Canton Ledger. long and happy friendship termi- hated in the wedding last evening of Miss Nell A. Chippin, daughter of Mrs. Cordelia J. Chipping, and clifford Esif. elman.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
INFRINGING ON JEANNETTE

From the Louisville Courler-Journal
 If we were really logical" says Bol- shevik Trotzky. i've would declare war on England now for the sake of India. Egypt and Ireland." Is Trot trying to steal the thunder of our own Congress- woman Jeannette Rankin?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
UNUSUAL CASE

There goes man who has held pub lie office continuously for 20 years"
 "A great many men have done that. What is so remarkable about this par ticular office holder?'
 He still thinks he's servant of the people,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
CHIEFIy HER ALLIEs

From the New York Telegram.
 Count Tolstoy says the part of Lloyd Georges speech dealing with Russia created an unpleasant impression on him. That's nothing to the unpleasant impression Russia has created on mill lions of persons.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
---------=---'-------. VI CERTAINLY NOT

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
 A big Indianapolis club is called ''Das Deutsche Haus," and it's members say that they are loyal and should not be made to change their name Well, has Berlin a big club called 'The American House?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
GALLANTRY

From London Answers.
 q wonder which of us will die first!" said little boy pensively, to his sis ter
 You will said the little girl. brislkly. "'cos you are the oldest ious for the privilege, ladies first!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
THE TIMES AND THE WAR

From the London Times.
 The attempt of '"acifist" member to
 suggests doubts of the practical patriot
 ism of the newspapers Is likely to prove l a boomerang The press as whole
 has been similarly retIcent about it's
 contribution to the fighting ranks, but there is probably no rofession-certain- ly no profession with the same direct
 service of it's own to render to the na- tional cause-whch has so completely denuded itself of men of military age.
 So far as The Times is concerned, the following figures, which are no longer
 complete, may give some idea of the sacrifices made. Up to June, 1917, when
 the list was last revised, 4S members of the staff were serving with commits
 sions and 455 in the ranks, making tota, of 503. Five of these officers had been decorated for services in the field, and several others mentioned in dispatches.
 Twenty four deaths had occurred in ac- ton, and 63 casualties had been reported altogether This record may be excep- tional, but there is no reason to suppose that the newspapers generally would
 not welcome comparison with any other business.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
ALWAYS THE SAME

IIOuolOII Os'ts
 There are quite number of voters who think they are going to improve the personnel of Congress this year. but they won't We have been watching Con- gress for several years and we have never known one that wasn't as four flushy as the one that preceded it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

From the London Observer.
 A noble lord when leaving one of the official motor cars asked the woman driver to come back at certain hour She replied, "All right" The noble lord then said, q am accustomed to being called my lord" The woman driver replied: And l am accustomed to being called my lady,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
AT BREsT-LITOysK

From the Cincinnati Times-Star.
 That conference at Brest-Litovsk sug- gests the chatter of clanking sabres and crunching spurs on one side of the ta- ble and the sound of conversationally disturbed whiskers on the other.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

BEGINNING THE DAY-My Father, would resign myself into Thy hands. I would let go my struggling and rest in Thee. l would cease to strain as if power began with me. I would begin to labor with freedom and confidence and might, as if I were n part of Thee or some instrument in Thy hand, wielded by Thy strength. Amen.-H. NJ. F.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
.TwoULDN'T DO IN TEXAS

From the Houston Post. That enemy alien mayor of the h. diana town has taken the office and de- fies anybody to take him out. He talks big that way because he was elected mayor of an Indiana town instead of a Texas town.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
A sAFE BET

From the Nashville Tennesseean.
 One German, Prince Alexander Won Hohenlohe, sees in President Wilson 8 declaration an open road to peace. We'll bet he is not on friendly terms with Kaiser Bill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
MORE CAMOUFLAGE

Mrs. Grabcoin used to think her so- cial prestige would be endangered if she didn't spend at least part of the winter in California, Florida or Cuba ?
 "Quite so. But Mrs. Grabcoin now has a valid excuse for not going"
 srWhat is that?"
 "she says she regards it as her pa- triotic duty to stay at home and not ride on trains while there is so much traffic congestion"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
FORCE OF HAnIT

From the Boston Transcript. Page Boy-Your wife wishes to speak to you on the telephone, sir.
 Bon vivant-Goo' LOT! Fetch me 2 cloys. boy-quickl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
JEANETrE THE JESTER

From the Florida Times Union
 Representative Rankin wants the United States to recognize Ireland. She has probably already recognized num- Der of Irish voters.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
WHAT DO THEY CAREs

From the Charleston News and Courier.
 There are people who would rather see the Kaiser win than permit the Amer ican army to indulge in one glass of grog all round.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
rHE COLONEL SAID IT

From the Chattanooga News.
 of you hit him put him to sleep" says the colonel. Do these things como easy to him, or does he sit up nights working them out?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
WATER JEWELLERS OF HoNGKoNG

Eleanor Franklin Eagan in the Satur-
 day Evening Post.
 Among the Chinese of Hongkong there is a population afloat of nearly 5S,000. These strange people live on the water ways in fantastic houseboats and little scoop shaped sampans, and they man age to look almost picturesque enough to create for themselves an excuse for existing. Economically they have none. NThey are born and brought up, they marry and produce children, become grandmothers and grandfa thers, and die, many of them, without ever having lived ashore a day in their lives Yet some of their curious floating homes-a ma jority of them. in fact-are no larger than an ordinary rowboat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
aIAME JOHN BARLEYcoRN

From the Memphis Commercial-Appeal. been sighted south of Galveston haroor, but we have to remember that Texas Is not dry state.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
Member of the Associated Press

The Age-Herald is the only morning and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham carrying the Associated Press dis patches.
 The Associated Press is exclusively entitled to the use for republication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news published herein.
 All rights of republication of spe- cial dispatches herein are also re served.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

Washington bureau, POT Hibbs build ing.
 European bureau, 6 Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London.
 Eastern business office, Rooms AZ to 30, inclusive, Tribune building, New York city; western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The $. c. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for foreign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
WORD FROM BR,ER WILLIAMS

From the Atlanta Constitution.
 Don't worry bout when an whar d. long lane'l turn. but des keep good hol CT de hosses. sos de wagonll make d. turn without spillin you in de brierpatch
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17

AGAINST THEIR PRINCIPLES From the Washington Star.
 The Industrial Workers of the World have been under observation for years and have never done any work yet
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
4xzNMd@aaslU
DID SOME GOOD

P. S.-If Arthur denies the story, I vii prove it on him by Dolly Dalrymple.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-17
LOADED DOWN

''Did you ever see a man who really had more money than he knew what to do with?"
 Once" { sewas he a multimillionaire?
 NO, indeed. He bought a nickers worth of peanuts and gave the dealer s1o bill. To get even with him, the dealer counted out nine silver dollars and s5 cents in change"