Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-04-10
A FABLE IN SLANG

once upon a time, before Fillie the
Hun had the Hunch that he could put Q
Half Nelson on this Mundane Sphere ana
when three dollars and nan means a
days wages and not the price OF meal,
there lived in our burg wise guy Ite
must have been a wise guy because ne
admitted it himself. He was IN on the
Know on everything that ever happened.
1t made no difference what it was wheth-
er the matter concerned the price OF
apples in Akron, Ohio, or the Zlnc strike
in Zanzibar, the aforesaid Wise Guy mad
the correct dope on the whole sltuatloit'
Every evening when Old Sol did
Brodie back Of the five story skyscraper
up on the West Hin OF our fair CITY, you
could find the self asserted disciple OF
Socrates out on the Main Stem. explain
ing to the iIliterati Just how it came
about. The babbling brook never hao 2
thing on him when it came to babDnng-
His friends predicted that he would some
day land in congress, while the other
folk predicted he would land IN the jug
or the hospital.
on the other hand, to quote our best
writer's there lived in the same center
of the universe a modest young youth
who had earned the Cognomen of the
Clam from the fact that ne knew When
to shut up.
Just about this period of history afore-
mentioned, the Berlin Burger decided tc
sotourn week end or so in gay Paree
but neglected the little Formally OF be-
ing invited and in about the Fourth
round of the Bout Uncle Sam decided thar
affairs had reached the stage where he
had a license to horn in. Among others
the Wise Guy and the Modest Youth de-
cided to get measured for Khaki Suit
the Wise Guy insinuating that ne would
look the ground over after he got there
and decide whether he would be general
or an NJ. P. Again quoting the Wen
known other hand, our friend of the
Shrinking Violet traits. got busy study
ing the Manual of Arms.
leu 6NV1 rryqft or
Blatant Bazoo for after a short while in
camp he became known as the Guard
House Lawyer. He had the rules of war
leaning against the ropes and could
all, depending on the severity of the case
Court martiais were pie for him and he
could show any poor mortal who was
Incarcerated in the Regmental Bastile
him and just what the Modus Vivendi
was to insure his prompt release Usually
the 2. NJ. above quoted was freed, after
listening to the Wise Guy and serving
about thirty days
Again quoting the other hand, (this
makes about three hands, the Modest
Youth was foolish enough to think that
because some guy wore a bar on his
shoulder that he ought to be Ubayed He
was also foolish enough to think that his
General Orders were important enough to
be memorized and to further Parade his
ProVincialism he obeyed all rules to such
the Skipper that the NJ. Y. had never yet
been in the Jug.
One pleasant afternoon after the Come
And Get 1t had sounded and the boys had
received their customary Innoculation o.
Stun, the Top announced in Strident
Tones that an O.. r. C. would be estab-
lished in Camp and that anyone who Inn
asgined that he had Gray Matter enough
in his Think Tank could apply. After
the Skipper had given the application the
double o he would act favorabIy on the
ones eligible.
Yes you guessed it, old old friend of the
L4imltless oxygen knew right way that APP
PLYING was mere formality for him
while the Modest Youth presented hie
name also. Wen right there is where the
Skipper showed his appalling lack Of
think stuff for to the great indignation Of
the Wise Guy his application went
through like the $40 EXPRESS. and a few
short moons after, the Modest Youth haA
new suit with bar on the shoulder
and the Wise Guy came to Attention
whenever the Modest Youth smoke.
NOW or course this is a fable. hut au
fables have moral and the moral to this
one is: The Army is bad place to know
everythi and worse place to tel
everything you know