The Butler weekly times., 1918-01-31


even if the coal bin is about empty
the worst is always to come. No, |
amt got my 1918 jitney license yet,
but have 6o-day option on 7 gal
Ions of gasoline and if | can pay up
and get the gas l will get my tag.
Otherwise not. But l am in good
standing with the Amalgated Liars
Club. Just received my card few
days since. / did very we'll last year
Out of a membership of over 1900
took first prize for being (no, not the
biggest liar) the most benevolent and
also the most conservative prcvaricat-
or---at least that is what his internal
majesty ~. K. A. Mother" wrote me-
don't seem to recall any such meri
torious work, but perhaps some OF
you are able to do so. If you have
any suggestions that will help me to
keep my work up to such high
standard they will be appreciated and
] won't ask where you got EN-.
1t is reported miner fell down a
shaft ISs feet deep and was killed. |
suppose any other sort of human
would have met the same fate. Still.
l don't know. l heard of a man once
who fell from a 20 it. ladder and was
not hurt But, he just fell from the
first rung of the ladder possibly that
was what saved him. | dunno.
met feller recently who seemed
to be sufferin' considerable. What
seems to be the trouble, my friend?'
says l. Hook worm, or guilty con-
SCIENCE" Neither one" said he.
"It's my face that is painin' me"
"Oh,' says l, If that is all, brace tip
don't mention it. Why" says l. "just
think how your face has panied lot
of other folks for years (when they
look at it).
There's quite good many men
rarin-to- go -to-the- but are -tne-
old. Patriotic? we'll, yes; but these
same men were here IS or 20 years
ago when the Spanish American war
was on tap and they didn't break
their necks enlistin. No, sir; and at
that time they were not too old eth
er. Too bad that old age keeps these
fire eaters and bench warmers at
home, amt it?
| wonder why it is that Big Stick
Teddy can shoot off his mouth, criti'
cize the government from the Presi-
dent down, while the rest of us amt
to even cuss an army mule. J
just wonder.
read in a paper how to make 4
pot roast last for four meals. Now,
! haven't seen 4 roast OF any kind for
many moons, Wouldn't know one If
! met it, But if anybody wants to
know how to make a kettle OF soup
last for a week, just tell 'enl to ask me.
Some one asked me this-"What is
an accident" l replied, "a casualty.
And what is a casualty" says he.
Why" said |, lit is an event proceed
ing from an unknown cause, mis-
zap" "So?" says he. well, now, tell
ne (if you can0 what is mishapF
Alright, SIR says |. "A mishap is
4 disease that attacks people who try |
to pry into other folks affairs, meddle
With business other than their own, or |
ask too many fool questions, usually |
,atal, and" amt seen him since
| heard Of man whose name was
Hog. Yes sir, just that. He was a
pretty good sort, but folks annoyed
Tim by talking about the hog market,
ETC., when he was around. !
The poor fellow decided that he would !
:hange his name so he applied to thu
:ity council or maybe it was to the
'sassiety' for the prevention of cruel
y to animals, ] forget which. Any
way whoever it was changed his name
o Johnson. Did it make life easier for
lin? Well, not none atall, for from
hat time he went (also came) by the
lame Hog Johnson. Moral:-Be con-
may be embarrassing if
lot disastrous.
A strange thing about our house is
hat it is cooler inside in hot weather
han it is on sleeping porch. Like
wise it's darned sight cooler on the
inside on a cold night than it is out
n the roof | find it so. shore dol
Lest you forget-When | began
,ritin' Sunbeams l made talk like
his. l said l wouldn't mention any
ames, and l haven't. also said
idn't aim to hurt anybody's feelin's.
don't know whether | have or not.
'urther, l said that if said or did
nything | was sorry for, l would be
lad of it. am. Sunbeams are in
ended to divert your mind from the
ares,and worries incident to the daily
rind. Not silly enough to be plumb
polish nor yet serious enough to keep
OH awake at night and yet, taken by ,
nd large they are better than med;-
inc, provided they are taken as they 8
,ould be, viz: with a grain of salt. u"
you like Sunbeams, tell your
lends where to look for EN- The
lines costs only $780, If you don +,
ke 'em, don't go around with a frog
your throat. You can be a croaker :,
ithout it.
,st git up and hustle; that's my style