Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-03-30
SOCIAL PRATTLE FOR
MEN
Percy ShaIIor Rereals Dire Secret.
Mr.. Albacore Washes the Dishes.
Mr.. Adipose's Tractor Boots

NTELl. my dears. | wonder II you saw
w Chauncey Pettibob on Chestnut street
the other day? lie was smoking cigar with
a red and gold band, and really he looked
too sweet to be human Those long perfectos
suit Chauncey's Main Line type Of features
so admirably. Chaurcey's brother Winesap.
you know, is the one who spent seven years
at Harvard without getting degree. They
say that Chauncey's grandfather used up all
the brains In the family. We shall have to
wait another generation for some more TO
accumulate. It's II long time to wait.
DRoFESSoR MANDRAKE. out in verbena
L College (you know lie married Amarylis
Ankle and they had seven sons all with hare
lip--it is never mentioned. my dears. so don't
repeat 10 has the most charming habit. He
always carries q Latin dictionary with him.
and II any one uses word of Latin origin In
conversation. az all Of us must sometimes
even without meaning TO, the professor insists
on explaining the hapess words true and
genealogical meaning That sort Of thing is
80 Instructive, don't YOU think? OF course It's
embarrassing at times because many of us
have forgotten our Latin. We've known men
to drive in town in their motors just 10 avoid
meeting the professor on the train, but that
seems rather cowardly.
YINlIE smoking car is the jolest place 10
l. pick up triflcS Of conversation. or course
We don't believe In gossip, but innocent conf
inent on ones fellow men is 80 exhlarating,
don't you think? Mr. Henry Longbones was
OH the train coming in from Marathon Che
looked very smart in his new cutaway and
leopard skin waistcoaO when we heard him
say: "Why on earth does Barbecue wear those
shelf goggles? They make him look just like
Il chimpanzee." He was referring to Ted Bar
becue. and every one does know that Teds
features are--well, rather prognathous and
siman CIou remember my dears. that Mrs.
Barbecue was De Quincy, and when they
engaged her father. old 1lldRa De
Quincy, always used TO refer to his prospec-
tive son-in-law That young prehensile."
lie had a rather caustc tongue. the old jurist,
and was famous for his amethyst cuff but
tons)
Well. my dears. We are wandering. What
we started to say was this: We told Ted
Barbecue what Henry Iongbones had said
and to our Chagrin he much annoyed
OF course, We thought the Joke was such an
old one that he wasn't sensitive about 1t, and
intimated as much but he uttered an oath
yes, my dears, an oath-and went off very
angry. And now much put out, be-
cause do hate mischief maker. don't
you?
nF COURSE In these servantless days
~ many of the very incest people are doing
their own kitchen chores. but II rather
a surprise to us to learn that the custom
had spread as far as Caraway Park. which
after all is one Of our very most exclusive
suburbs. But over q cigar at the Hotel Hat
Ransom Jerry Thimbletrot told us that Mr..
Albemarle Albacore. the president of the Ben
zine National Bank, always washes the dishes
after dinner at his magnificent Louis Ningt-
Ut-Cn mansion in Caraway Park. Mrs. Alba
core, you know, Is tremendously interested in
Russian literature, and she just has to have
the hour after dinner free for reading Trot-
sky and some OF the other Sav novelists
and Albenarle just whirls in and does
the dishwashing. I think it's Very noble ~
him. He told Jerry that sometimes, when the
dishes are greasy, it's rather bore, but ho
just fixes his mind firmly on Mr.. McAdoo and
the third Liberty Loan. and that helps him
through. We all have to do our bit as best
we can.
SPEAKINCi of the Albacores still Jerry says
Cthey were fearfully sold over the 'NIinia-
ture In Yellow" by Whistler that Mr. Albacore
bought at picture auction in New York
| You know Mr.. Albacore fancies himself a
| good deal as a collector, and was very proud
| of having picked up Whistler rarity that
| had ever heard of before. But the
| old gentleman is very short-sighted as every
| one knows, and it seems that the day lie
| bought this Miniature in Yellow" he had
| left his glasses at home. When he got the
| treasure back to his gallery. and Mrs. Alba
| core looked at II. they found IL was a twenty
dollar bill that had been beautifully framed.
| And he paid $4,000 for it. II does seem as
| though banker ought to have recognized
| the hoax, but they do say that Mr. Alba
| core Is so dCcustOileu 10 lne DllIS or larger
| denomination that he hardly knows what
| the smaller ones look like It may all be a
| twit. but that's what Jerry told me.
! But Jerry Thmbetrot himself may have
! trouble with his eyes. We were sitting at the
| llat-Ransom, spootlng each other over a
| glass of beer, and the waiter laid the check
on the table in plain view. Jerry didn't seem
TO it at all. even when with dexterous
| motion We pushed it right under his face. In
the end We had TO pay 1t ourself
, YTflLT told us in the club the other day
= that old Mr. Convex Adipose had to get
n special permit from the United States cloth
administration to have his new overcoat
made. You see. my dears. the Government
needs all the cloth in the country for uni
forms and dear Mr.. Adipose uses so much al
a time that there Is a real danger of short.
age Not even the satisfaction of seeing
him on Chestnut street in his new surtou,
would compensate If the boys in France
| had to do without. do you think? Mr.. Adj.
pose has new idea in footwear. He has al
his boots made with the caterpillar tread
just like tractor He says IL helps him
TO get around. PERCY SHALLOW.
~ these duthositdtire comments on nascufip,
| socfotu meet the approval Of our readers shai
be Uldd TO open our colunlns 10 Dr. Shdilo1O from
time 10 time.--Editor, EVENING PuBLIc LEDGER.
We appreciate tn,