Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1918-11-14
CURING BY SUGGESTION
1t Relieves Petey Simmons pa Painful Enlargement of the Head

school and acquires offices and notice
n various. kinds of success in his
class When nature gives way under the
strain just behind his ears, and the
consequences are horrible in the ex-
tfeme. L know, because 1 was that
kind of a freshman and l had that kind
of trouble, and l was operated upon
for 1t by my elders and betters. 1t was
q successful operation. Most of them
are. But it makes me writhe still to
think of 1t. OF all the cruelties on this
savage old earth, the custom of opera
ting upon a freshman for domus ball
ioonicus. without giving him ether. is
the most heartless n inhuman. The
Humane society ought to broader it's
scope a very little so tina it could take
in freshmen and give them the protec-
ton 1t Is lavishing on the dumb va
rieties of animals.
Looking back from this period of
ripper wisdom l can see every excuse
for the freshman whose hat band
breaks with a loud crack along in the
winter term. Freshmen are young
some of them inconceiNably young. The
bones of the head, you know, are soft
and elastic in the very young. They
haven't the stern resisting power Of the
older doodle cases. You take a 17-year-
OLD freshman with wide sutures in his
green young skull and fill his head full
OF compliments and responsibilities and
admiration and success; churn these
all up n mix them with a few Gig
to him about himself, and what is
the result? The mess begins to fer
ment and put a pressure on the skull
n what happens then? That young
chaps head begins to expand n swell
n get vast and Dubious and full of
gas. n it leaks down into his con-
Versation, and presently he is firmly
convinced that If Won were tn set him
In the center of darkest Africa and let
him talk for a few hours the monkeys
would be wearing lark glasses and
quoting Latin.
1t isn't the freshman's fault. It's q
disease of his youth. l have no pa
thence with the people who think that
when a young fellow of IS gets to
making funny noises about himself and
stands around IN the horizon waiting
for science to come and determine his
height by ~triangulation. he is going to
be a lifelong annoyance and ought to
be drowned like a Superfluous puppy.
1t isn't the first time in his life that
he has been loud and unnecessary, n
If he goes into politics it will not be
the last time. OF course, he is a very
great nuisance, and 1 am in favor of
compelling him to go round with his
months. But he will get over it; and
he has a better chance in college than
anywhere else, because the upper class
men in college have studied this mat
ter and have given it their careful at
tention. Let a young man who is try
ing to wear one OF the rings of Saturn
fos & hat band escape from college into
the world in this condition and it will
probably kick him to death trying to
cure linn. But cave him in school for
a few months and at the end of this
time. if he has not been overlooked inc
has had proper care and treatment, he
will be wearing a taimble for a skull
cap and it will be coming down over
his ears at that.
Before / had attended Siwash COL
lege three months 1 had mislaid my
shyness and modesty and was a roar
ing unmitigated nuisance. When l
considered what I had accomplished
in those three months l felt so proud
that it was difficult to even imagine
h respect to which 1 was entitled.
had come to. Siwash. young. unherald-
ed, unknown. bashful, timid, under
sized and ignorant. and l had. by my
w sterling worth n ability, forced
immediate recognition. 1 was presi-
lent Of my class. l had led the rooters
through the football season and had
invented four new yells. l had made
the banjo club. l was mentioned for
cotillion leader. l had gotten over my
fear of strange girls and was so popu-
lar that it almost broke my heart when
/ took a young lady to a party to think
of the blighting disappointment that
would canker in a dozen gentle bosoms.
I belonged to the finest frat in college
mad CHOSEN 1t myself after carefully
considering the merits of other appli-
Giants. And l. a freshman, was setting
the fashions in my crowd and in school,
and was being pointed u as one of
the sights of the campus to
The president spoke to me by name.
The college paper joked about my in
lluence. wash was a better college
for my coming. Of course, I was vast
Ing my time, but I was no snob, and
even if it was a little school 1 intend
ed to stick to it until my Junior year,
anyway. and pull it upegive it some
tore. And wherever l went-to Yale
pr Harvard or Columbia-to finish up
l would always think kindly of Siwash
and defend it. While others Nigh be
ashamed of the small colleges from
winch they rose. YOU would never find
me concealing the fact that I went to
siwash. It's a sign of pettiness and
bourgoisie-1 had Just gotten that out
OF my French-to be ashamed Of a
beginning. Even when 1 was
q DICTATOR In finance n fashion in
New York and great men fell over
themselves to get my acceptance to
hinneSs I would not forget Siwash. It
was a good little school. But Of course
1t would never appreciate what 1 would
do for it-etc., etc. etc.. etc.
After had reflected along these lines
Tor a couple of hours along about the
middle of November l used to look
doubtfully at a couple of trolley poles
md fold my ears back before / dared
o edge through between them.
It's 81 delicious to float along like
this; to meet with your own entire and
enthusiastic approval; to leave off
worrying about yourself because there
isn't a single mproYement that .o,,