Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1918-02-01
WANTED:
COOK
-
By Raymond Maxwell

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Julia and Arthur Van Tyne entered
the holy estate of matrimony with
high ideals. During their engagement
they passed many happy evenings ar
ranging the details of their future
home.
The servants were to be treated with
q firm but mild kindness which was to
reduce them to a condition of loving
submission. Julia said that 1t would
be very pleasant to be served always
by the same faithful creatures, and she
ever went so far as to imagine Ar
thurs funeral when his bier would be
surrounded by a group of white-haired
~servitors who would sob that they had
lived with Master for as years. Ar
thur answered that If the servants
did stay for 40 years that they would
be most likely to call him "the old
man," yet he was pleased with the
idea. He was also to have the privi-
lege of bringing home company when
ever he wished. His wife would re-
ceive them with a smile and then they
we're all to sit down to a simple,
tnOugn perfect inner
The Van Tyne's built a pretty little
houses with every modern convenience
to add to the burden of their exis-
tence. They had steam heat, electric
lights, stationary tubs, dumb walters,
soiled clothes chutes, telephone, burg
lar alarms at every window, hard WOOD
floors, patent ventilators, and every
othe- thing that the architects fertile
mind could suggest. When the house
was finished and furnished their
friends called 1t a "little paradise"
None inquired after the serpent, but
she was Shere-or rather not there
most of the time. Her place was in
the Kitchen. The serpent was nominal
ly known as the cook.
The first cook stayed two weeks, then
quarreled with the second girl and de-
parted. Another cook came, fingered
for FIVE brief days and then left be-
cause she said "thim convaniences wud
set her crazy inside of q month" Then
cook after cook passed through the
Van Tyne kitchen, pausing only long
enough to kindle hope in the heart of
Mrs. Van Tyne and then quench 1t.
When the little Van Tynes began to
COM to live with their parents the
question became even graver. II h
fourth little Van Tyne had been a rag
ing lion instead of a sweet, pink baby,
he could not have caused more misery.
He made his mother lose a "jewel'
who had been with her for over four
months and who had promised to stay
forever If Mrs. Van Tyne would have
a new porcelain lined sink put In the
kitchen.
Arthur Van Tyne became a past
master In the wording of alluring and
misleading advertisements. He said
that he expected to be arrested at any
moment for obtaining cooks under
false p~retenses, but he gave full reign
to his imagination. He always spoke
of his family as rather large, but quiet
and easily pleased" while as a matter
of fact the young Van Tynes were
small but lively. He knew to his mis-
ery now that "plain cooking" meant
the ability to boil potatoes, fry a beef
steak and make weak tea, yet he al
ways put it in his advertisement as q
bait.
Then after he had spent a small for
tune in "ads,' he turned to employ
ment agencies. One day while haunt
ing the agency of Mrs. Sarah B. Hack
EFT. he found a cook who said she could
really cook and didn't object to small
children. She went home with him
and put on her apron. The Van Tynes
found that she could cook and then
they waited patiently to learn her in
frmity-for by this time they had
learned that no cook is perfect. They
found out that first evening.
The weird, long drawn notes Of an
accordion came floating In from the
kitchen. The Van Tynes looked at
each other and smiled. In his rash
youth Arthur Van Tyne had said that
he would never tolerate an accordion
in his house, but now he only grinneo
foolishly as he listened to "The Geor-
gia Camp Meeting"
The cook played the accordion in all
her leisure hours, but the Van Tynes
were too meek now to hint that they
preferred another instrument. In this
lull Van Tyne wrote to his parents,
asking them to pay him a visit. u
want you to see our babies" he wrote,
$50 hurry up and come while we've got
a cook"
A day or two before he expected
them, Mrs. Van Tyne ventured to tell
the cook. When she returned to the
library she said: "We can't have your
father and mother just now, Arthur"
"Why notT' he asked.
"Cook says that she doesn't like PEG.
pie staying in the house. She don't OBJ
lject to 'mealers' nee in a while, but
she won't have %'sleepers,' because T.
makes so much fuss at breakfast"
Van Tyne said something behind his
hook, then added, II suppose I'll have
e +olnnranh thana not To como WE