davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

SELF" observed Dumas. "If could
only run over to earth again and
get busy with the further exploits Of
my three musketeers In this war,
showing "d. IL pArtasnan spttng the the
point Of his sword. and Porthos with
his giants strength. single: handed
and alone, capturing one Of those
long distance guns OF Bits ana
shooting Bills head off with 1t while
safe cafeteria fifty miles back of
the front. It's a great loss to the
world that we are not back on our
old jobs again"
"Well wouldn't go back to mine. II
you'd, give me the earth, said Ana
MAS. II know when I'm outclassed.
with all my SCIENTIFIC inaccuracy back
ride of these fellows who write the
war bulletins ELL uses to camouf1age
The truth at home. I can imagine Car
lyle pulling Off great stunt with the
Russian revolution. and 1t would take
H. combination of vocabulary and
,.,ly. / can SEQ that the kaiser would
iapke bully tragedy for the Bard Of
L'von, who knows how to handle
Caesar and Falstaff alike, and 1t would
Farm the cookies Of my heart to read
If how DArtagnan pulled the kalser's
rose and only failed to lam the
crown prince on tho chin because
there wasn't any chin there to lam.
hut for memo Stree. bob! Even as
:, plain common garden liar 1 wouldn't
Fave any more chance against those
.ugglers of Berlin than. one of Co.
lumbus's caravels would have in a
race from Omaha to Cairo with u
hydroplane."
You should not underestimate your
al. All x-lK
Eueare. kindly. "fou have the modesty
OF true genius, no doubt, but never let
inDdssty impair confidence. 1t Is
doubtless true that in the lines OF
nendacity these l'russian chroniclers
have you temporarily backed off the
map. but you have q decided bent in
the same direction, and a course or
two In prevarication in some one OF
the German universities devoted to
untruth, under one of the kaiscrs
bred intellectuals. occupying a chair
4 applied INSTRUMENTATION. WOULD soon
! Jug you up to par with Eernstorn
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22
SPLITTING THE KAIsER's SIX SONS,

out, but 1t has taken syndicate of
them to do it. I worked alone, not In
relays, and am therefore stilkthe I'M
disputed holder of the championship
''You are to be envied. for another
reason, too. Ananias," said Marcus
Aurelius. ut Is a tremendous advan-
tage to q man to know when he Is
through, and. like yourself, have no
wish to return to earth and risk what
laurels I have in further striving. I
think the world is full enough of sun
shine philosophers as it Is. without
my going back. and, after all, can't
see that anyiof them are saying any
thing more than ! said more than
thousand years ago. They call 1t new
I thought 1t, long before they were
born. Keep smiling was my motto
centuries gone by, and while l never
said that
The man worth while
Is the man who can smile
When be- lands on his back
On u carpet-tack.
I covered the ground and enunciated
the principle even before there were
carpet tacks to land on. The only
thing that would make me want to go
back to earth again would be the
chance to do something different
there"
'Such as what?" demanded Shake
speare.
"Wrlting songs of gloom. Marcus?"
suggested Sir Walter Raleigh. Things
like
Somewhere the sun amt shining;
Somewhere some straying soul
Tn frigid dark is dining
On naught but n doughnut hole!''
mot on Xour life. Walt" said Mar
Gus. II may want to make Il detour
into other roads. but l haven't the
slightest wish to back up and run
over myself. A man can be different
without reversing. Now, truly, don't
think Tommy Carlyle here could
write a good history of the Russian
revolution just because he wrote n
good history of the French .revolu-
ton. On the contrary. he'd Just re-
peat himself. and everybody would
say the old boy had lost his grip.
But IL we We're to go back to earth
az II traffic cop. or MS the editor Of u
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

Of the samsonian mind to the socratic
monologue," said Solomon, II think
Brother Marcus has hit the nail on
the head. Shakespeare talks as IT
we were doomed forever to be lot of
repeaters Of our former selves, who
have no other idea in the world but
that of going back to our old Jobs,
in all-of which, as Ananias intimates.
I too am convinced we should find
ourselves outclassed. l am quito sure
that should be a failure as Ia re-
porter on a newspaper, despite the
excellent quality of my writing; and
as for Boney here, the very fact that
he was great general in 1903 would
probably mean that he would be a
mighty poor general in 1913. He'd
do better work and win fresher lau-
rels in some totally different field Of
smart hotel restaurant, for which
his imperious manner and command
ing presence would peculiarly fit him.
Correspondence, DR.. Johnson. instead
Of writing a new dictionary to prove
that it was he, and not Chaucer, who
would be better employed as an
anesthetic in some great hospital,
putting patients to sleep, not with
dangerous gases, but with prOlonga-
tions and projections of ponderous
periods"
ss
X y,
Surely" said DR.. johnson, his eye
a-glitter. "And old Kink Solly here,
instead Of repeating his proverbial
record as the Brigham Young of an
tiquity and marrying every woman he
met on sight, could go into politics
and run for the. office Of president Of
the universe on a. suffragette ticket.
for which his we'll known talents as
a lady killer would unquestionably
qualify him."
put on the brakes there, Doc"
laughed Solomon. amiably. you've
got me mixed up with Henry the
Eighth and Blue Beard. They were
the w. k. lady killers Of history, not
I. never killed lady in ali my life."
"All right, SQlly." returned DR.. John
son, with Il smile. II withdraw the
lady killing. But just the same
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

versity. would infinitely prefer to gu
into aviation"
from your old Job. Socksy," said Sam
son. II was reading some of your
stun the other night, and 1t struck
mo you were up in the air most Of
the time. You were some clout-
shower, Sock, and that's no joke"
II cannot hope to provide und.r-
standing and philosophy at the same
time." said the sage, colby.
THAT was what / noticed most"
said Samson. II couldn't see any UNI
derpinning in the whole shooting
match"
"Well. granting the imperviousness
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

did," said Shakespeare. ILL. d. In
Teuton parlance means doctor Of
liars"
"Oh." said Ananias. IT see. Well.
just the same, don't want 1t. am
entirely satisfied with the honors I
have already won. I am at least
known as the b. II. L, all over the
world today, and don't want to
tarnish what laurels I already have
by another try"
II must CONFESS" said DR.. johnson,
that B. H. l.. is new to me-"
ut stands for biggest liar in his
tory, Doc" explained Ananias. land
Prussians are undoubtedly beating mo
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

Doings Reported by Wireless
To John Kendrick Bangs

stick your knife in you'd never nave
been heard Of"
"Tush! sneered CaSsiuS.
!:
But when l get that subway Job'
continued Caesar, "Tm going to let
bygones be bygones and do something
for dear old Cash. Ill get MN an APP
propriate job right alongside OF me,
no matter if he did stick bis hat pin
into me about-the ides of March. III
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22
Prisoners to Help Winthe War

crowded with q class of prisoners
who are unable to perform efficient
cheney of these prisoners is due to a
number Of causes, including both
mental and physical effectiveness. A
substantial number of the inmates
are necessarily given employment
cradle results With. ali idleness
eliminated throughout. the institution
we may reasonably hope for still
further Improvement in discipline"
-
An appropriation for building q
furniture plant at Leavenworth has
been made, but since this is not con-
sidered war measure it Is not being
pushed. A war program for this.
prison has not yet matured. The
United States penitentiary at McNeill
Island, Wash, is erecting new
building for purely local purposes,
and the men are said to have no time
for anything else until this is fin
ished.
1t is in Senator Hoke Smiths state
that the employment of convict labor
for the production of war supplies Is
oolLillC&S oulllHeu. LII tHo DILL Ill.
troduced by Senator Smith he wrote
'"The compensation to be paid for
such supplies shall be fair and just.
and shall, so far as possible be the
prevailing price for like commodities
in the vicinity Of the institution"
Wages are to be based on those pre-
vatling for like work in the vicinity,
the pro rata cost of maintaining the
prisoner being deducted from his COM
pensatlon.
A war farm on an enormous scale
has the approval of Congress, and
the purchase Of possibly 5000 acres
Of land, In addition to the 800 acres
already being farmed at the Atlanta
prison. is planned. Two hundred
thousand dollars has been appropri-
ated for this purpose. Potatoes. grain,
fruit and everything else that can be
grown profitably in that part of Geor-
gia will be raised for the soldiers.
Almost every one in the United
States. whether urban or rural In
habitation, has tried to have a garden
or boost somebody else into having
one. Boy Scout and broker, business
woman and housewife have had the
patriotic fever Of helping indirectly
or otherwise to feed our fighters.
Now, the man whose misdemcanor or
crime stays his desire to don khaki,
may, In so far as the fderal prison at
Atlanta Is concerned, spend part OF
his time among the growing things
destined for camp and cantonment.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

man with your engaging ways with
world Is now facing"
1.-The place for Solomon" observed
Methuselah, would be as floor
walker In a department store on a
bargain Monday. That's the job for
men who know how to handle women
on the hoof and in bulk"
"Some dresser Solly was, too" said
Beau Brummell "He'd set sartorial
example to the bargain hunters that
would bring whole wads to the box
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22
New Laurels for Old Pates

and the rest. I venture to say you'd
win an Ii. d. within q month in
recognition of your talents"
ILL. D.?" queried Ananias. II don't
want to be a doctor of laws"
Il did not mean to infer that you
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22
said Shakespeare,
addressing Thomas Carlyle
i at the H9useboat on the
Styx the other evening, II

Styx the other evening, II
think I have at last dis
covered what is the matter with
Hades. have noticed a great deal Of
discomfort down here lately. Napoleon
Is daft on the subject of getting
finger into the European pie. Jonah is
crazy to put his old whale back into
commission again. and have a shy at
the kaiser's submarines. Icarus has
got nervous prostration thinking over
what . piker he appears to be along
side Of these latter-day filers. and
Unole Dan Webster was cussing his
luck sixty days from Sunday last
night because he had to come over
here before the Chautauqua tent was
invented. It's the same way with US
all johnson wants to write new
dictionary. Thackeray wants to
tackle q new version Of Vanity Fair
using the New York 400 as his motif.
poke Kaiser Bills nose back through
his collar button II he can only get q
whack at him. and II couldn't write
a better play than anything seen on
broadway in the past twenty years.
WIN my Aocts cat ivy Hat.
."All too true. Bill. ali too true" re-
turned Carlyle. with q sigh. Il too
have my sorrows here. You are not
the only one whose amber contains q
fly. Look at this Russian business
with the bolsheviktorians overturn-
ing . throne, and .papering their
houses with gilt.edged government
Bowery. cashing In 100000 for
propaganda in foreign countries un.
wouldn't I give to lavish a few gall
Ions Of ink and q dozen reams Of
paper on that situation!"
k.k
TT would be great stuff. Tommy,
great stuff." said Shakespeare. land
think Of what corking old tragedy
I could write on the last Of the
ITohenzollerns, having Bill so pulled
up with oonceit that he blows up as
the grand climacteric Of the seventeenth
act!"
''I've thought Of 1t many times my
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

"A very wise conclusion" said
socratesA "We're all too highly spe-
cialized by the restrictions of our
past, and I for one. If had to go
back to earth, instead of being pro-
fessor of philosophy in some big uni.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-09-22

comic paper, or as something else
totally different from what he was
before, there Is no doubt of his win
ming new laurels without risking the
old:'
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
MARKET QUOTATIONS.
CORN PRICES WEAK
Upon BAD REPORTS

chicago. July 30.-Corn develop
- weakness today. influenced by
hs-ter weather and by reports that
stations between Turkey and Ger
ssnv had been severed. Absence
= confirmation. however, of the
-s,orts OF such a severance led to
sor7ething Of a rally. and so too,
IA the less encouraging tenor or
he war news. Trading lacked
volume. Opening prices which
-.nred from sc to S lower. with
august l.52 and September 1888
~ $50. we're followed by q fur
her setback, and then by a mod
crate rea action.
oats went downgrade with corn.
Larger receipts from the new crop
ended also 10 depress the market.
afer opening iSC TO sc down.
nrices continued TO weaken.
Strength of the hog market raj
lied provisions. At first. slight de-
rlines had taken place in sympa-
Inv with grain.
Subsequently, smallness Of re-
CENTS and an improved shipping
CsII lifted prices sharply. The close
vas strong. 1i2c to &C net higher,
with August at 1914 TO 1-542s and
September- at 1853 TO 1863
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
RAID HOUSE ON
TIPS RECEIVED
Detective and Two PatrOlmen En-
ter DisOrderIy Place and Ar
rest Six Persons.

Detective Herman Sehnert and
Patrolmen Miller and Durma1
made a raid last night on a disor-
derby house on Sixteenth street be-
tween Fourth and Fifth avenues.
The raid was complete surprise
10 the inmates and five men and
one woman were arrested. Police
Magistrate Smith was called and
held an immediate hearing OF the
cases.
Helen Wilson was fined $40 as
being the keeper OF a disorderly
house and Harry Johnson. Gus
Werner. A. J. Bradley. John Smith
and J. l.. Fletcher drew fines of S.
each.
Chief Phil Miller said today tina:
IL IL evident that some persons have
decided that the regulations laid
down by the city and by the govern
ment in the five-mile zone mandate
can. be violated.
These decisions, the chief stated
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
LEAVES TO ATTEND
MOTORISTS MEET

Victor G. Kropf. commissioner OF
the Tri-City Automobile Trade as
ISOLATION, left today for Chicago.
where he will attend the conven-
ton of automobile dealers at the La
Sale hotel. The meeting is called
by the Chicago Automobile Trade
association and includes the deal
ers located in Iowa. Illinois, and
Indiana.
This is the first time" states
MIR. Kropf," that the dealers of
three states have ever been invited
TO a meeting where the matters 10
be discussed are of such vital in
terest to all"
The recent recommendation
made by the war economy board of
Washington. relating 20 the auto
mobile trade. will be the chief topic
Of discussion.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
Chicago Livestock.

Chicago. Juy 30.-Hogs, 2I.0OO
10 20 25c higher; butchers IS.S00
1920: light 1909 1925; packing
1869 1870; rough 17106l750;
buk of sales 1T.956l920: pigs
good and choice, 175061S.25.
Cattle receipts, 10000: common
and plain light steers slow; other
killing cattle strong TO higher;
calves 25c higher Beef cattle:
good, choice and prime 1850
1855; common and medium 1850
Q17.25. Butcher stock, sows and
heifers 7.2561425; Gamers and
cutters 6.35G7.25; stockers and
feeders: good, choice and fancy,
10000 1880: inferior, common and
medium 7.7501OO0. Veal calves,
good and choice 16.50017.25.
Sheep. 10000; bidding lower OF
fat lambs: a few early sales of ma
tives steady at 1850; feeder Lambs
firm; sheep and yearlings steady
to lower.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
CROTTO HAS BIG
EVENT AT TOWER
Special Features at AmOO Annual
Frolic Today Exceed Previous
Good Times.

The grotto picnic started off with
a will at the Watch Tower at noon
today when several hundred Ma
sons, their wives and families were
gathered for the annual grotto
summer festival. Shortly after
noon the baseball game between
the Zal and Amo grottos was play
ed on the diamond west OF the park
1t was followed by races and many
other activities associated with the
summer frolics.
The Masons were disunguishable
throughout the park from the 9TH
er pleasure seekers by their gaiety,
jovial manner and the various SOU
venirs ana circus paraphernaIIa
that decked their persons.
This evening an eight number
vaudeville will be presented in the
pavilion by Amoo grotto talent. II
promises 10 keep up the standard
of the previous grotto entertain
ments. At the conclusion OF the
how a dance will be given in the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30

rock ISLAND AERIE NO. $50, Fra
ternaI order Eagles. = Reg ular
meetings nrst and LhlTe tuesday uL
ach month at Eagles home, Fourth
avenue and Twenty First street.
Peter Mejerle, w. p. Joseph GroLe-
gut, secretary.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
WAR NEWS KNOCKS
STOCK LIST GAINS

New York, July 30.-Leaders on
the stock market today cancelled
their advances soon after the an
nouncement that the Germans had
launched another offensive. United
states steel reacted almost a point
and rails forfeited their gains.
Canadian Pacific extending its loss
10 IA points. General motors lost
3i2 points. General Electric ,
points and American telephone an
other fraction TO its lowest quota
ton in years.
Prices hardened slightly later.
but Improvement was limited to
specialues under professional con
troll. Liberty 31a's sold at 1884 to
$500, IS at 1894 to 9444 and Al S
at 95.06 to 95.IS.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
TIGHTLESS RULE
FIRST OBSERVED
IN ROCK ISLAND

No violations of the fuel admin
istration orders concerning light
less nights were recorded by inves-
tigators in Rock Island last nlght.
practically every merchant obeyed
the ruling and darkened shoW""ln-
dow and outside display lights. The
ruling which became effective lot
the FIRST time last night applies also
10 tonight and succeeding MONDAY
md Tuesday nights until other or
ders are given by the fuel offlclals.
II a CIevenscine, fuel administra-
tor, expressed his approval % IL
way in which the local nierels, a ~
show their willingness TO cooper q ~
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
Personal Mention.


Keith Poffenbarger spent the
week end at his home in New. Bos-
ton.
Charles Freise went to New Bos-
ton Saturday to make short visit
with his son, Lloyd, who lives north
of there.
Mrs. Fern Drury of New Boston
was visitor in Aledo Saturday.
Miss Nina Greer arrived home
Ohio, where she had been making.
a few weeks visit with relatives.
Miss Katherine Gore of New Bos-
ton was an Aledo caller Saturday.
Robert Rose returned to Peoria
Monday morning, after spending
the week end visiting with his par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. William Rose,
Of Aledo.
Wayne Prince of New Boston was
visitor in AIedo Monday.
Mrs. ]. F. Freeman was a tri-
city caller Monday.
Roy Schave returned to Moline
Monday, after spending Sunday in
Aledo
Mrs. Charles Haas and daughter,
Louise. were visitors in the tri-
cities Monday.
The Misses Vida Lutrell and Ed
ma Hartman went to Viola Monday
morning.
Frank Irwin Greer was taken to
/ Davenport Sunday evening and was
operated on for appendicitis Mon
day morning at Mercy hospital. The
operation was successful.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30

to the camp site, and who are
helping him arrange the grounds
will not have to pay any fee until
Aug. l, the date set for the opening
of the camp. On this day a large
group of scouts will depart to en-
ioy an outing for ten days. Boys
intending to leave at this time are
again instructed to have their ap-
plication and fees in and to be on
hand ready to leave at $50 Thurs
day.
All preparations have been made
to make the camp safe for the
campers. Drinking water Is OBJ
tanned from a deep well. A sam
ple OF water was sent to an expert
chemist and was found to be en-
tirely free from all bacteria. Mr.
Bacon will be in attendance at the
camp continually until the last day
of August.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
AUTO PARADE TO
ACT AS ESCORT TO
CHICAGO MAYOR

Arrangements have been made
for an automobile parade to be
held tomorrow night in honor OF
William Hale Thompson, mayor or
Chicago, who speaks in Rock Island
at the Empire rink IN connection
with his campaign for United States
senator. Autos will assemble at the
city hall at the corner of Third ave
nue. and Sixteenth street at 1:lo'
All who desire to participate in the
parade are asked TO notify Mayor
William McConochte.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
rs FINED UPON
GAMING CHARGE

II, r. Anderson OF East MOIIHt
appeared in county court yesterday
on a charge of operating a gam
bling house. He plead guilty and
was assessed a fine of 500 by Judge
\. A Larson. who, in imposing the
fine. stated that the leniency shown
was due to the fact that IL was An
derson's first offense. Severer pen
aItv will be administered upon
second violation, according to the
Judge.
Anderson was arrested by FORCES
from the sheriff's ONCE seFeIal
weeks ago.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30

THE stated COucIaVes q 4lrck 4sldl4o
commaudery 40 Is, KING nts en-
plar, Will be held the second Mon
day OF each month. K. A. Adams
commander.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
LEGAL.
Executors Notice.
ate OF Herbert Edgar Cook, 81.

Executors Notice.
Estate OF Herbert Edgar COOK, 81,
deceased.
The ndersigned having been APP
nointed executrix of the last Will and
testament of Herbert Edgar Cook.
Sr. late of the county OF Rock Is
land, state of Illinois, deceased mere
nv lives notice that she will appear
before the Hon. Benjamin Bell, Judge
OF the probate court OF Rock Island
county, at the probate court room, IN
me CITY OF Rock Island at the Sep
fember term, on the first Monday IN
September, next, at which time all
persons having claims against said
estate are notified and requested 70
same adjusted. All persons indebt-
ed 10 said estate are requested 70
make Immediate payment TO the I'M
dersIEned- no
Dated 18th day of July, A. D. 1918.
ROSA a. COOK. ExecutriH.
ID m.ara =. EaELe. ATTORNEY.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30
Chicago Grain.

Chicago, July 30.-Corn, No. 2
yellow, nominal; No. 8 yellow 1.72;
No. yellow 1.5S@1.62; No. 5 vel
low L5001.60; No. yellow 1400
145.
Oats. No. 8 white 1905; No. 5
white new 1914 G73; standard old
1872 as: standard new 1872 ora
Rye, 1600163.
Timothy. 500G $50.
Glover. nominal
Pork. nominal.
Lard, 26.S2
Ribs. 24.12@24.75.
elders, Beardsley's.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-07-30

will be found to consist OF thin air
after raids, such as were conduct
ed last night, result in the culprits
being fined.
George W. Johnson was fined So
for assault and battery. George
Sropes, the complainant. was fined
81 on a disorderly charge
Martin Slack was arrested last
night for being intoxicated and was
fined ST.
William-Lee paid a fine OF IS on
a charge of exceeding the autOmO-
bile speed limit.
w. C. Byres was taxed SO for hay
ing improper lights on his machine.
William Cupper was arrested for
using a spotlight on his automobile.
He was fined 81.