Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1918-12-27
Copyright. 1917. by The Mcclure Newspaper
Syndicate)

tSSRyAASA's A0A'' S}yu.StontaS
We were sitting on firestep in the
front line trench. 1t was bright and
sunny and we were bubbling over with
good humor. There were two reasons
for this: First-our battalion was to
be relieved at nine that night and we
were going back for two weeks
rest. Second-it was spring. We could
smell it in the air. Even the wind
blowing from the German trenches in
our direction had a sweet and
"springy" smell.
About thirty yards down commune
cation trench to the left was an or,
Chard. The trees were SCARED from
bullets and fragments of shell; but
even these battered trunks could not
resist the feel of spring, because here
and there on the twigs and branches
could be seen bursting buds. Fitting
around were numerous birds. chirping,
and sometimes wrangling among them
selves.
To me it seemed odd that birds could
accustOm themselves to war. Occa-
sionally a German shell, or perhaps
one of ours, would go screaming over
the orchard. The birds did not seem
to mind the noise-just carried on
with their nest-building.
In our company was an American
named Alexander Stewart. Naturally
he and I were very chummy.
1,~1 4Ia oh of
amusement promoters" in the COM
pany, the Tommies constantly looking
to us for some new diversion.
In the English army Tommy seems
to have the idea that an Americans
chief vocation in the United States is
to invent, and to keep on inventing.
OF course, Stewart and I did not in
any way try to dissipate this idea; in
fact, we encouraged it, and took great
pride in being looked up to in this
way; but, believe me, it kept us hust-
ling to keep the Tommies amused.
1t was getting too warm for soccer
football, and we knew as soon as we
got into rest billets that the issue
would be put right up to us: "How
are you going to amuse us while be-
hind the lines?"
We were Americans, and red-blood-
ed spring was in the air, and our
thoughts turned to what every Ameri-
can boy is thinking of upon the arrival
of spring-baseball.
/ turned my eyes to the muddy para
dos (rear wall of the trench) and fixed
my gaze on a fragment of German
shell embedded in the mud. Pretty
soon this fragment seemed to change
into baseball player, with mask, pro-
tector and catcher's mitt. He was
crouching behind the home plate and
signaling to the pitcher. Gust then
Stewart said: "Say, Emp, l wonder
play baseball?"
I Immediately turned in his direction.
He was also staring at that fragment
of shell.
/ answered: "Did you ever try to
teach a Chinaman how to speak
French?"
He got it right away and a detected
look spread over his cOuntenance, and
he let out a long-drawn sigh.
A Tommy sitting on my right Dutted
in with: "Did you sye bysebalf, Yank?
Why, saw gyme in London, and it
is absurdIy easy to plye, but cawn't
sye fawncy hit"
With look OF disgust Stewart
turned to me and said: Il guess you're
right. Emp it would be easier to teach
the Chinaman French"
That night we were relieved and
went behind the lines.
The next afternoon, after parade,
we were sitting in an orchard drinking
tea. About a month before, Stewart
and I had taught the Tommies how to
pitch horseshoes. There was great
rivalry among the different squads,
each squad having team.
Just then Corporal Watkins came
over to US and asked: "Where are the
'orse shoes? / cawn't find EN-"
Another Tommy answered. "Strafe
me pink, where are your heyes?
Cawn't you blOOmin' well see the h'of-
ficers usin' 'em behind that billet over
there? Blime me, they're always
a'gummin' the gyme."
Sure enough, the officers were using
our horseshoes.
Stewart, with a look of depression
on his face; turned to me and said:
4'WeH, here goes, Emp. Steve Brodie
took a chance, so / might be able to
get away with this
Then, turning to the Tommies, he
said: did any of you blokes ever
hear of John McGraw?"
Three of the Tommies answered,
s'Yes."
A sunny smile and look of hope
fitted across Stewards face, and he
breathlessly asked, "Who is he?" The
three started to answer at once, but
Stewart, majestically extending his
hand, palm forward, said, Get in
line, one at a time. Now, Perkins, who
is John McGraw?''
Perkizs answered: "Why. 'e's