Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1918-06-06
OLD HUMPHREY.
BY St. John Byer.

African, familiarly called Uncle Hum
phrey, who lived here before the war
for slave liberation. His two strong
points were religion and whitewash-
the latter he applied with a long
handled brush, the former with tongue
of nearly the same length. The name
Kalsomine had not yet dignified the
lime-washer into an artistic profess
sion, so Humphrey never mixed in any
darker tints. but used the pure white
lime to shine up alike the righteous.
In religion. however. he did not shine
up, but shone down on the derelictions
of the needless sinners around him, for
society was not up to his moral stand
ard. When any scandalous doings were
brought to his notice, he had one special
phrase of comment to express his moral
disapprobation and perhaps surprlze:
"Cood Lawdl but aint de people
gittin' ornery!" This was his pet
phrase and he worked it on all occa-
sions.
That old Virginia objective, "ornery,"
suggests some inquiry as to its origin,
and this explanation is offered: The
small roadside inn kept for the travel OF
that day was called an "ordinary"-a
place which offered entertainment Tor
man and beast. without much discrimi-
nation between the four-legged traveller
and his master; and naturally so, for the
rude waggonerS, their usual patrons
would scarce know the differa1ce be-
tween a bed of shucks and an elder
down mattress. AS the tavern ranked
below the hotel, so the ordinary was
beneath the tavern, and became very
"ornery," so the word was used to
express contempt for abject worthless
ness; as in the court scene, where the
negro mother was hauled up and fined
for numerically beating her young boy,
and the Judge asked if she had aught to
say in her behalf, when she made the
appeal direct "ad hominum."
"Now, iedge, just put it to yourself,
if you ever was de parent Of an 'ornery'
no-account niger boy, an got so ag-
gravated, you'd whaled him jes as |
didw
Humphrey at times mounted the ros-
trum and held forth in the colored
Baptist congregation, Of which, in view
of his whitewash profession, he might
be called shining light. For his dis
courses, he was furnished texts by a
rascally, irreverent young wag, who
read them with a sober face, perchance
out of an old dictionary, for Humphrey
would not have known a page of the
Holy Bible from picture of Sinbad the
Sailor. So the young scamp ran in all
sorts of nonsense, such as "Sin is a
bitter, pisenous pill, and the only anec-
dote is de gos-pill." The one occasion
when Humphrey rose to his full height,
was in the funeral oration he delivered
over "Brudder" Wash Potts, for which
he was duly given the text. 80 def,
whar am dy stinger," which he brought
out with startling emphasis. He pic
tured the good brother as going up and
being supplied with pair of white
wings, which description would have
been more in point had Wash Potts
gone up to the New Jerusalem of New
York, and joined the white-winged bri-
gade of street cleaners, but this was
not in Humphreys angelic hierarchy.
AT the end of this and other descrip-
tions he would sing out, 30 def. whar
am dy stinger?"
There are several interesting stories
about our colored Baptist brethren.
Having no pool, they used the Potomac
river for the immersion of their con-
verts. AT times this was frozen over
by an INSCRIPTIONS Providence, un-
mindful Of their religious needs. But
the saving Of souls cannot wait upon the
weather, so they cut hole in the ice,
and proceeded with their immersions,
perchance the icy bath would produce
a chill shaking out the sinful affections.
On one of these occasions the sable
Baptizer lost his grip on rather heavy
young convert, and she slipped away
from him under the ice. Not at all
disconnected, he lifted up his voice and
said, "De Lawd gibbeth and de Lawd
taketh away. Fetch on another"
Alike all the colored brethren, and
especially the preachers, Humphrey
was fond of chicken, and no doubt
prayed fervently for ode Lawd to send
him stray fowl for de pot" and finding
that it never came, he sought the Lord
to send him after it-then his desire
was fulfilled. This is fine illustration
of the use and efficacy of prayer; when
the devotee himself puts forth all his
powers to bring on earth that kingdom
of heaven for which he prays; yet, as
in Humphreys case his energy may
strive in direction not approved by the
consensus ofthe community. Humphrey
made frequent forages around the coun-
try, ostensibly for 'possums, and might
often be seen carrying a bag on the
dorsal hump which nature had already
shouldered upon him. One morning in
this fashion he emerged from lane,
near the farm residence of a Mrs.
c., who happened to be standing
on her front porch. The compliments
of the fine morning being passed, she
said anxiously to Humphrey, for whom
she had a great respect on account of
religious sympathy:
"Uncle Humphrey, | just don't know