The Washington herald., 1918-06-01
Poor Lis.

EooE
Somebody is always picking on a
tin Lizzie.
Even though the Lizzie owned and
operated by Clarence Hughes was
a perfectly innocent creature. 1t
was badly abused when its owner
Fred Balser had an argument.
Fred accused Clarence of taking
his girl out in the flivverette and
hugging her. camouf1aging his ac-
tions by a blum at showing the girl
how to run the car.
Clarence argued that he could
take anybody he pleased out in his
car. and. furthermore. it was none
Of Fred's D. business.
Fred picked up a brick. Clarence
was getting ready to crank up his
car.
The brick came straight at his
head. He lodged. The brick went
through the windshield and dam
aged the controls on the sterring
wheel.
With lightning rapidity Clarence
got his car Started. jumped in and
made for the courthouse.
He got a warrant charging Fred
with destroying private property.
Fred says that a fiivver amt
property. Besides, he told the
court, he didn't ask the fiivver to
get in the way of the brick:
But neither was the fiivver to
blame il Fred was a bum shot and
missed Clarence's head.
The court fined him $10-and told
him to let bricks alone in the fu-
ture.
Time Is Money.
Seven dollars a minute for stand
ing on the corner. is what Horace
Stannard had to pay in court yes
terday morning.
He stood there for fve whole
minutes and his bill of course
to $35.
Policeman Delaney warned Horace to
get away from that corner. because
Horace was almost too full OF booze
to stand up.
He went away at the FIRST warn
ing. He stayed possibly half an
hour.
And back again he came. He
was real DRUNK this time.
Delaney took out his watch. He
looked at Horace and saw what he
was doing. Five minutes passed.
During this time Horace was
everybody in sight.
1t was Decoration Day. he said.
and he was ready to decorate"
anybody who had the nerve to come
close enough.
Delaney grabbed him and called
for the wagon. You can't take d
warning can you?" the policeman
asked Horace.
"Ah kin TEX anything wot amt
nailed down wild railroad spikes"
retorted Horace. giving the police
man as much trouble as possible.
or course when he faced the
judge Horace argued that he was
as innocent as an angel.
His head was so full Of whiskey
at the time that he couldn't re-
member who arrested him or what
he was arrested for.
And so there was nothing for
Judge Mullowney to do but to de-
mand seven $500 bills from him.
step-Father Was Peeved.
On Decoration Day. Joe Small told
his stepfather. Harry Beeton, that he
was soing to bring his bride-to-be.
Ruth Craig. up to dinner.
Beeton said nothing-but did some
tall thinking. He had no particular
love for Harry and consequently less
FOR his future wife.
Harry's mother had gone to the
country for the day, and fortunately
she did not witness what took place
The pair came tripping in at the
appointed time. Dinner had already
been cooked by Harry's mother be-
fore she went away.
Becton showed his dislike for Ruth
by refusing to be introduced.
But the girl had evidently been
warned In this respect as she passed
the incident of rather lightly.
Dinner over, the trio went into the
parlor. leaving the unwashed dishes
on the table.
Beeton made some sarcastic remark
aoolt Ruth being too d lazy to
clean up the table after she had
eaten.
Joe asked his stepfathel to curb his
remarks, not only because they ,ere
mpolite. but because he (Joey didn't.
want to lose his temper.
This made Beeton very profane. He
called her some very bad names.
This was toe much for Joe. He
banged his stepfather in the nose.
While the court could easily see
hat Joe was somewhat justified. N
thought he should have got up and
gone opt. Consequently his personal
bonds were taken instead of a fine
1sing assessed.
The War Over Here-