davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
r1sn Satiris F0resees the Anercanization Of His City

self after ten days once more in France
"eh my train was approaching the city
."e compartment in which l was became
h'led with people who spoke a strange
mixture of French and English, and on
lnquirng about this l was told:
"hy' we are not strangers, as you sup
pose' but Parisians What is your reason
for asking?"
i am Partisan, but when I was last
mere the Parisians spoke French only, or
at least argot."
An yes; that was before the war, but
now we speak English Francais."
Even at the Coincide Francais?"
You mean the Franco American Com
edy?"
The company must have quite changed
since the WARP"
"Oh, no; Mile. Bartet still plays the
leading parts and remains VARY prittee':
but they also have Franco American
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

with something resembling enthusiasm, in
which one is made to feel, if not at home,
at least that he is not the object of bitter
hostility. / did not find any. But neither
did l again place myself in a position to
receive fatal rebuff. 1 let my position be
understood at the start.
"Sir," / would make it point to say, "I
realize that | am trespassing on the time
of busy and intelligent man one who is
in every way my superior l do not wish
to intrude in any way upon any discussions
you may wish to carry on during the next
fifteen minutes, nor do l desire to inf1ict
upon you the onus of a personality which
| am certain you will find objectionable
With all these things taken into considera-
tion, if you desire to eliminate the pleasure
of social intercourse and psychological vivi-
section long enough to shine my shoes, |
shall be glad to be party to the proceed
ings. Otherwise l shall have to move on"
In most cases this seemed to strike them
as reasonable. They appreciated my inten-
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
The Crime of
a. Being a Capitalist

"A capitalist! That is objectionable" he
said Indignantly. He put his curious appa-
ratus on my shoulder, whereupon I felt an
electric shock lost the use of my limbs and
could not make a movement
"This fellow is capitalist" he informed
colleague who approached at the sound of
his whistle.
I was put onto a tramway and hurried
along. The passengers, on learning that
was capitalist, eyed me with scornful
looks, and lady exclaimed: "Are you not
ashamed Of yourself?"
Before long / was in the presence Of
police inspector, who fined me instanter
$40 and advised me, or rather ordered me,
to look without delay for a useful occupa-
ton.
In sooth, had made acquaintance with
the new Paris, with Paris l'Americaine
To avoid being further molested by the
police assumed the air of those about me.
came to the Avenue of the Champs
Elysees, where were skyscrapers the upper
stories of which were used as exposition
stores by aeroplane manufacturers. dou-
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
Z ortihed
4 Against Disease

negro appeared on whose cap was the
INSCRIPTION lnterpretaire (interpreter)
Francais," person gorgeous in gold-laced
uniform, and he conducted me to the Hy-
gienic Bureau, where, first of all, I was in
oculated against TYPHOID fever, the sleep
ing illness, beri-beri and the coryza. After
several official formalities l was projected
through a pneumatic elevator to the fifty
first floor, where was duly installed by a
Chinaman in perfectly hygenic suite Of
apartments, the furniture being of cellu-
loid. After series Of ablutions In steril-
lied water I descended fifty floors, with
only four stops, and in less than half an
hour / found myself, to my great delight,
treading the asphalt of the Boulevard de
uruguay. Crowds hurried along the side
walks, which were incrusted with striped,
zebralike advertisements in many colors.
Everywhere publicity was dominant. Signs
were on every story of the high buildings
and advertised in large display lettering
and drawings the virtues Of soaps, mineral
waters typewriters, flying machines, safety
razors, fountain pens and every conceivable
commodity in everyday use.
Weary of the Brobdngnagian publicity,
began to study the people about me, who
hustled and pushed one another without
manners or apology.
l should like to have sat down, as in the
bygone days before some cafe but failed
to discover table or chair anywhere in
sight. Everywhere | saw banks, office build
ings on the roofs of which we're networks
of electric wires, and colossal edifces of
the skyscraper variety.
Tho aH h rd 1OOl opd
who were to be seen at rare intervals, we're
no longer the Parisiennes Of yore. They
were taller, more robust and bore them
selves with resolute and independent
carriage. All had fiat heels, with the ex-
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

at home the best French artists, instead Of
having to go to New York, as in my time.
The greatly enlarged exchange covered
the whole of the square and outrivalled the
neighboring skyscrapers. There crowd of
financiers, stockholders and others fought
furiously for Mammon; many dispensaries
were crowded with wounded, and the Red
Cross flag floated at the corners Under the
Colonnade a Suicide Depot, completely
equipped, had been installed.
had pointed out to ,me William K Du-
pont, the king of picked herrings. pos
sessed Of six hundred Millions, and John F.
Poirier, another capitalist king, reputed to
be worth millard, and who but the day
before had bought for $25O,OO0 a master
piece of Picasso, the leader of the old
Cubist school, SO much ridiculed by the
"Know-N Nothings" of art which consisted
in leaving the canvas virginia. without any
indication of design or color
I was wellnigh stunned by the haste and
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

ing them with a cue-it's a popular game
at the Lambs-why, the crutches are a
nuisance
And then it's mess time
Now, dinner hour at The Lambs is always
busy time. The walters don't have any
time to spend in idling during that one
hour of breathing space, as nearly all the
diners are in hurry to get to the theatres
for the night performance
To insure that there won't be too much
delay for any one, when the "new" mem
bers are all located round the tables, John
McGraw, Frank Mcintyre, Roi Cooper Me-
grue-a Dozen at least, slip out to the
grill, borrow huge aprons that hang al
moss to the floor and wait on the new
comers themselves.
At O'Clock, if everything has gone we'll
dinners over, and for the next hour the
whole crowd, newcomers and old timers,
get around a piano and have the kind Of
time a gang of good fellows are likely to
have, whether they're out on the edge of
the world or safe and snug in The Lambs
clubhouse.
AT o'clock the party's over. The Wis
itors have to get back to the hospital The
long line OF brown ambulances is waiting
outside the door, and perched on the end
Of each ambulance is at least one smiling
Red Cross nurse. 1t isn't professional
smile, either
You see, the rule Of The Lambs pre-
hibits any women being entertained in the
clubhouse, but it doesn't say anything
about Lambs entertaining the ladies out
side the clubhouse. So while the big
times are coming off inside. up the street
aways, Al one OF the hotels. the nurses are
having their dinner and listening perhaps.
to bit of a song-guests, all of them, of
The Lambs.
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
the New Yorker, and the Several Million Like Him

veyed me contemptuously, and, evidently
perceiving l had no intention of doing any
thing further until an answer was forth
coming, said belligerently:
"Well, if you wanta da shine, why you
no climb up on da chair?"
My only excuse for doing what did next
is that l was stunned. Especially astonish-
ing things affect me that way. l climbed.
up on the chair.
The villain of the trio whisted few bar
from an obscene Italian song. Then he
sauntered over in my direction, and for
half minute stared at my shoes in a most
insulting manner. His glance seemed to say
that of all the cheap, ugly, unshinable
shoes he had ever seen mine were about
the worst. Il had bought them three days
before.) Finally, he spat, said something in
Italian which caused the other two Black
Handlers to look at me in a critical and dis
approving manner, and extracted from the
rear of my chair his polishing apparatus
I shall not go into the further details.
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

welled to my eyes. How many times in
deed, had l not seen again in dreams the
glittering boulevards, the fairylike ave.
nues of the Paris of old
"An aerotaxi, citizen 2" asked driver.
"Yes"
"Where tot"
IA hotel in the centre of the city--on the
Boulevard des Capucnes, for example,"
"You mean the Boulevard de pUruguay."
"No. l want the Boulevard des Capu-
cines."
"Ah, now I understand; you are a stran-
ger. That boulevard exists no longer; it
has been named the Boulevard de lUru-
quay"
A few minutes later took an aerial car
on terrace Of Pershing's Palace, about two
hundred metres above the ground. This
trip cost me ffty-fize francs, or rather, $40,
for the taximeter recorded the fare In the
American money, which had long been
adopted by the country. protYered an ex-
ira So.
ava done, hehl purcell" said the aviator,
with an air Of contempt.
These words delighted me; they were at
least true, genuine Partisan.
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

carried me away in flying machine
and landed mo in the Palace of the
Grand Lama (This incident is based
on the 179th episode now projected in
all the moving picture theatres Of
Gathcau Bros.)
The Marquis-Sophora, have only
two milliards, but although this is not
much, love you and ask you to be
mine Won't you, dear?
Sophora-Nevair Goodby.
(To be continued in an hour).
"What's that? Continued in an hour '7''
"Why the papers now issue eighteen edi-
tions each day Some even get out twenty
four issues. The famous Somnia pills Of
Dr. Bilbock allow Of living without sleep,
and thus making the truth Of the old say
ing Time is money realistic in the ex-
treme'
l caught sight of the Eiffel Tower, but
1t seemed strangely small in contrast with
the terracolike estates and domino-piled-
up edihces on all sides.
"Skyscrapers ?" l calculated. "Skyscrap-
ers in Paris!" The amusement of my COM
panions was immense, as it was explained
that Paris had out-scraperized skyscrapers
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

..rn been exiles from the land of their
birth.
was aware that France had quickly re-
.r,srated from the wounds yeceived in its
slar;ous fight for freedom and peace for
~ dear land and for the world at large
..a thst An undreamed of era of prosperity
,.d followed the great conflict, changing
MANY Of the traits and characteristics of
,ss ueople and introducing new ideas, Gus
tous and habits of life.
was told that the French had become
Intensely practical, and that their former
tr;volity had given place to business "rush"
and untiring perseverance in the pursuit of
v.alth. From having been the most spirit
mel people in the world, they had become
strange though it seemed, the most realis-
,;c and matter-of-Iact nation.
such q change appeared to me most
fortunate, and I was inclined to congratu-
late my countrymen thereon, but could not
belp rsgretting the fact that the old gay,
ebsrmful and paradoxical France had dis
.oussred, with loss to the comfy and
gsyety of mankind.
aparis," was informed, "had become a
truly modern city--a New York of the lat
est type
And Australians who had seen this
strange metamorphosis explained it's gen.
eds thus:
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
By Sanford E. Stanton

~ UT in Forty-fou Street, half way
VI between Broadway and Sixth Ave-
~ nue., two long rows of brown ambu-
lances, each bearing on its side q
red cross, were lined up in front Of the
white stone front Of The Lambs. From the
inside there came the words of the chorus
above, with roar that could be heard all
the way to Broadway.
This was on Saturday One hundred
and fifty of the fellows who had been over
and had come back wounded were at play
with The Lambs
PLAY is correct. That's what makes 1t all
50 fine and really makes worth telling
about. Every Wednesday and Saturday af-
ternoon The Lambs, an organization of
actors and those connected In some ca
nac;tv or other with the theatre, tear UP
all the rules and regulations of the club
and they are many and hardfast-and in
jtiate for the day. anywhere from one hun
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

spect at this point. But l always have had
an adherence for murder, and anything
short of it would have failed to meet the
situation. So, after hestating moment, i
walked on. Many times since l have de-
spised myself for doing so. 1t is blot on
my career-a fatal moment of cowardice
and indecision which I shall never forget.
l should have turned back and strangled
all three of them, one after the other. 1t
would have done me good. 1t might have
helped to correct great evil-might even
have paved the way for Henry's rehabili-
tation as free and honorable citizen But
| walked on.
understood the viewpoint Of the
brigands. l had entered their place of bust
ness with the absurd idea that l was De-
slowing favor upon them by doing it. I
had probably even had stored away in my
mind somewhere the presumptuous notion
that they were in some degree bound to well
come my arrival. Probably had imagined
that they would meet me on an equal foot
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

They are too painful. I do not like to
recall such instances of weakness on my
own part Suffice it that I allowed the
villain and of the other blackhanders
to finish shining my shoes, the while they
discussed in words which l could not un-
derstand but whose portent I could grasp
my personal appearance and, | am con-
vnced, that of my progenitors and friends.
Naturally am not sensitive, but, from my
earliest childhood, have always had the gift
Of knowing when people were talking about
me and of guessing whether what they had
to say was fatterng or otherwise. What
the two blackhanders were saying, | am
convinced, was not fattering
When it over, l even went so far as
to tip the head william. l did not expect
him to thank me and he did not. He ac-
cepted the tip scornfully, gave me a last
lingering look Of contempt said something
especially insulting about me to his accom-
plice, and turned his back as | opened the
door. 1 think l came near saving my self
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

piece of art, but tunnel, so to speak, un-
der which passed fast trains.
longed again to the Seine, but to my
surprise it had vanished, and, in its place
there was large boulevard.
And had dreamed of once more hunting
for old books-favorites of old-along the
quaint and picturesque quays, where / had
erstwhile spent so many pleasing hours
The second hand booksellers, the anglers
and all the. quondam habtues all had
gone! l could not find again the Rue Saint
Denis, the Rue Saint-Martin nor indeed any
of the old arteries in the centre of Paris;
in their stead were streets numbered and
arranged at right angles to one another. In
the markets, extensively enlarged and
equipped with the largest refrigerators in
Europe, people were hustling amid pyramids
of cabbages and multitude of Chinese and
negroes.
In the hotels these nationalities served
me. The chic waitress of old had disap-
peared, as also the midnette. The place of
the latter had been taken by syndicated
working girls, organized proletarians, who,
devoid of coquettishness and smiles, and no
longer with a two-sous bouquet in the
waist, hurried masculinely to their factor
les in the Rue de la Paix.
In the Place de POpera read on the long
poster of the Metropolitan Musical Academy
that the most famous tenors and sopranos
sang every evening in fairy ballets, with
interludes of acrobatic performances. At
least l rejoiced, Paris had gained some
thing by being Americanized; one can hear
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
Dy a Pocket
~ Phonograph

"Truly marvellous!" I exclaimed. "What
progress since the days of Anatole France!"
One of the passengers had with him a
pocket phonograph, and by its aid l was
able, despite the noise of the train, to
hear an interesting conversation between
the Marquis des Epinettes and Sophora
MacMick, the heroine of "a Girls Secret"
This dialogue was as follows:
The Marquis-I thought you had
been e]ectrocuted, my darling.
Sophora-No; at the fatal moment
the executioner fell mady in love with
me.
The Marquis-I don't wonder, for you
are so fascinating.
Sophora (continuing)-And the man
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

ing-that we might become friends and
associates. 1t had been their duty as much
their pleasure to disillusion me- This
was a free country; they were American
citizens. If they chose to shine my shoes
that was their affair; l was not to imagine
the fact gave me any social standing in
their eyes. | had come into their peaceful
shop and disturbed it by inquiring whether
could get my shoes shined What did |
suppose the shop was for? Very obviously
was either fool or a scoundrel, probably
both At any rate, | was highly presump-
tuous, so they had put me in my place
That was my initial experience | am
proud to say it was the only one in which
l allowed myself to forget that l, too, as
an American citizen, was entitled to exer-
else the immortal prerogative of free ac-
tion. Thereafter, although an instinct
told me that it was in vain, l searched
extensively for shine parlor of the sort
common to other large cities of America
shine parlors in which one is greeted
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
By Lionel c. Noise

WAS shining my shoes when Henry
entered He said nothing, but he looked
at me rather curiously. l knew he was
thinking, Poor chap! SO he has to shine
his own shoes now!" On my part l also
said nothing. But l felt very sorry for
Henry
Henry belongs to the great menial class
Of New York. 1t would astonish him very
much to be told this, but it is true. lie
has no sef-respect, NO pride, no sense Of
shame. He can be insulted thousand times
day without showing the least sign of
resentment. I do not contemn him for
THIS; know it is a penalty which must
De paid by every one who resides in New
York for any length of time l merely pity
him.
Do not like to shine my own shoes. IN
Variably l smear my hands with the Pc
eulary odorous ointment which is essential
10 the process, l infict upon myself an
acute backache, and | become the sponsor
lof many profane remarks which were bet-
'er left unsaid. Also, seldom attain much
o1 shine. But emerge with my self
respect intact and my sacred rights as a
iiee citizen Of this Republic unimpaired.
ihis Henry does not and can not do.
At one time, before l had been in New
iofS long enough to be acquainted with oil
It's customs. | was in danger of becoming
'hat which Henry is. At that time l had
not shined my own shoes for many years
not since hallowed era when the ceremony
was attended by parental advice and coer-
zion. During that period l had arrived at
the conclusion that shining ones own shoes
was an excessively bothersome and unpleas-
ant task, to be dispensed with as soon as
0he had grown old enough. And l had dis
pensed with it.
lhen | had incautiously come to New
lofk remember well the first time after
Wis momentous step when it occurred to
'c mat it would be q good idea to have
"S shoes shined. I remember it as Williams
,Smemoers the time he was thrown out Of
'eAs or as Davidson recalls the day when
]U was arrested In raid on poker room.
V"'iilams has always maintained that the
~'''er mistook him for some one else and
davidson that he was in the poker room in
oearch OF friend, but that has not changed
"'ions IN tne eyes OF thelr 1flehuS.)
ieei abject, humiliated, stripped of all
''' ,aas self-esteem without which man is
.',.e better than poor, naked thing,
'"pped by the innumerable winds of dis
=. aa'h' am anxious to forget it, to erase
permanently from my memory. But it
persists.
~ was an ordinary shine-I believe the
"s'a 10 parlor-shine parlor, then, in ap-
ssasance Since then I have learned that it
~ 10 ah ordinary shine parlor in every
'"er way / entered and inquired whether
WAS possible for me to get shine None
:. 'ne three members of the Malta who werc
'0unsing by the window favored me with a
glance. repeated my question more loud
~ thereupon, the most villanous member
sae three glanced over his shoulder, sur
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

ttssnoil of the new Paris. Where were the
oases of rest and quiet where years ago
one found haven of day dreams and ST.
lence?
In the evening Paris ilurnined the sky
with thousands of lights and conspicuous
displays of advertising of wares. The crowds
moved about gesticulating and shouting,
while negro orchestras played deafening
and uncouthly sounding music.
Where should 1 find care free, delightful
Paris Of the past?
One evening, strolling mournfully or the
Terrace of the Pershing Palace, met an
old man, who, like myself, seemed bored and
ennuye This seemed to create a bond of
sympathy between US, and informed him
that had come from Australia and
Paris after the lapse Of many years.
what a change." exclaimed. :.
"Prodigious," he assented.
paris to-day is not like the old orc to
me-"
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
troupe of clowns, acrobats and banjo play

troupe Of clowns, acrobats and banjo play
ers."
"In the house Of Molere7"
My astonishment amused the New Pari-
slams with whom / was travelling. bor-
rowed copy of the "Matin" from one of
them and was bewldered to find that it
was almost wholly printed in English. Its
size was another source of surprise to me;
it had eighty pages and published twelve
cinephonoliterary feuilletons. 1t was ex-
planned to me that it was only necessary
to cut the edges Of the paper, slip it into
pocket photograph and the dialogues of
the personages mentioned would be heard
by the reader
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

ception of a few old ladies who had kept
to the Louis Nv heel Of their youthful
days.
Not single stroller among the excited
crowds!
Where were the saunterers of nv early
years, tha philosophers Of the asphalt. the
dreamers of the Paris Of yesterday?
| was awakened from my reveric BY
man in black. with a lace cap on his head
and armed with a bizarre apparatus, the
emblem of office.
"Move on! Circulated" he ordered.
"But"- I demonstrated.
"No remonstrances," he demanded
~ have right
"Ah, now understand; you are an idler."
II am living on my income, and have a
right to do So" I expostulated.
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
Captured by
" American Ideas

~The whole thing is the result of the
var and its aftermath. During the con-
Aict the French had become acquainted
with American methods, points of view and
differences of life concepts While not
understanding these, the French adopted
them in large measure, and in the years
that followed France-and, in particular,
Paris-became a Yankee replica par ex-
eelence."
I confess to have had feeling of disap-
pointment Of the Paris of that day and
the one in which the happiest days of my
earlier life had been spent. l therefore
decided to see again the beautiful city on
the Seine.
Leaving Melbourne on March "a, 1860, on
board the electroboat Verdun, found my
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22
Lambs Hold Open House for Wounded Doughboys

'ThereW be no more shooting guns
No more guns q0ill be shooting
Huns
No more sitting IN the mud all day
No more sleeping ON q bed of hoy
oh Boy, oh Boy, soon aoeW be IN
c1oUer
For ace're gofn0 to take trip
On q great big ship
For the - qUar Is over."
New-York tribune., 1918-12-22

in height and proportion, some being as
tall one hundred floors from the street
level.
One of them told me that he lived on the
sixty-third floor, another domiciled on
the eightieth floor, very convenient for
taking the aerobus.
"Besides that" he added, "the view is
grand can see Fontaine ebleau."
The train drew into the stltion, and now
| should breathe the air of Paris Tears