davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
LUKE DI,LUKE SAvs

Some men who aspire to great things never get anywhere because they are content to stop at aspiring.
 You are going to have a good day if you have as good an appetite for your work as you have for your breakfast
 You may not believe it. But 1t takes barber just as long to cut a bald headed mans hair as it does for him to cut long-haired mans hair.
 A scientist has a sterilizing process whereby all danger is removed when you kiss. But this is a waste of effort A man expects to take chances when he kisses a girl.
 After you have roamed around pub lie places for while you will notice that the handwriting on the wall usually shows ignorance and bad spelling.
 The theologians have taken the hell fire out of hell and have discovered that the lava pits and birthstone lakes are all myth. Some of these days they will be telling us that hell Is a me summer resort.
 Modesty may be maiden's necklace. But necklaces are old fashioned and are seldom worn with low-cut waists.
 Sometimes man remains happily married because he is a good liar and has no trouble in inventing excuses.
 A man will do lot of things when he thinks no one is watching him that he would be ashamed to do If he thought he was being watched. And this goes for a woman, too.
 When you propose to girl she acts just as surprised as if she hadn't known for six months that you were going tc propose.
 There is sandpaper and gravel in a mans voice when he is speaking to his own wife. But there is oil and velvet in his voice when he is speaking to some otker mans wife. There are few more painful sights than that of a 2o0-pound girl who is trytne to act cute.
 The old fashioned motherly woman can't help looking indignant when she sees a chicken incubator.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Army Bands Should Be
 Placed On Higher Plane

A WRITER in Musical America A discusses intelligently the band situation in the army. There are at present 600 bands, and more will come with the second draft. This would seem, according to the writer referred to, as propitious time for general reorganization of the musi- cal forces of the army.
 As organized today the bands have no identity of their own. They are part of headquarters company" and are called upon to perform all the duties of the other men in the company besides their musical duties. Sometimes, however, the musicians are relieved of additional work in order that they may devote more of their time to musician exception to the rule.
 The band leader is a non-commis- stoned officer. He is supposed to be an educated man and should be com- missioned officer. The bandmaster at West Point is lieutenant, as is also the conductor of the Marine band. These are the only exceptions.
 The writer in Musical America thinks bill properly drawn for the betterment of the army band would certainly be adopted by Congress. If all the bands were placed on the basis of the West Point organization, a greater number of competent players would enter the army as career and would open the way to the making of army bands great educators.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
CHRISTMAS BOOK TRADITION

From the Kansas City Star.
 I7T1HE books given for Christmas, hav-
 ing lain in their gift boxes few
 days and been properly inscribed on the fly leaves provided for that pur- pose, doubtless have come to their final resting places on family bookshelves by now and a goodly and colorfu1 show they must make.
 If we could pass them in review as they stand there in leather and gilt, em- bossed boards and deckle edges, we feel that we could call the roll of them al- most with our eyes shut. For somehow it is always the same books that are given for Christmas and they are not the books rational reader would choose for himself. Nor, it ought to be said, are they the books the givers would choose of their own volition, but they are bound fast by the Christmas book tradi- ton. The clerk in the book store has fastened them with his eye and told them these are the books to give. The clerk doesn't know that of his own knowledge, either; he hasn't read them any more than the purchasers he recommends them to. but, like them, he is bound by the tradition, also.
 It is by such means, we are convinced, that "The Vicar of Wakefield' gets shunted into the Christmas mail by the ton. Nobody ever put The Vicar of ] Wakefield" in his pocket to read on a train, nobody ever took it on a camping trip, nobody ever curled up in an easy chair with it on rainy Sunday. Yet every grandmother, aunt and uncle sends it to every grandchild, niece and nephew on Christmas, and no grand child, niece or nephew ever reads it. The only person we ever heard of who said | it was worth reading was Dr. Johnson and as a deserved reward for that judg- | ment we are pleased to note here that l his "Rasselas' finds it's way annually into many Christmas stockings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02

Another book which nobody reads and is therefore a favorite gift is 'Lucile.'' and we are convinced we would not have to look very far along the Christmas shelf to find Paul and Virginia" which we may say at once is probably literary lemon unrivaled in any age or language unless it be by "Hypatia.'' Persons who don't know whether Paradise Lost'' is prose or poetry are very likely to choose that book as suitable gift for others. We believe the great MT. Pitt highly praised Beliars speech in Pande- monium, and it is said that he could recite it with fine effect. He is the only person we ever heard of who had read that speech, although we have inquired of many persons who have been getting "Paradist Lost' for Christmas every year since 1886.
 Mrs. Brownings "Sonnets from thu Portugese" have: a large Christmas cir1 culation. Most gift copies of this book contain an index of the first lines of thd said she was a great admirer of thd sonnets) who took this index to be ond of them. And, indeed, it makes fai4 reading, although it does not adherd strictly to the sonnet form.
 Dante's inferno generally knownI we believe, as "companion piece td| Paradise Lost" and chiefly identified by its pictures by Dore, is seldom overl| looked by the Christmas shopper. HI also has feeling that the "Meditationsl of Marcus Aurelius ought to be read b4| everybody but himself. If his list is still
 incomplete he can fill it up with thil Lady of Lyons," Aurora Leigh" "LalldI Rookh'' or J. G. Hollands Bitter Sweet1l
 "a title that appeals to everybody whl cherishes a hidden soul canker. But aftel| all there may be compensation. Famill iarity with book titles does not give all Iacquaintance with literature, but surell| lit is of some importance to know whal|
 books not to read.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Solicitors Affected

Between 50 and 100 railroad men of Birmingham, whose duties consist in any form of solicitation of new busi- ness have been directly affected by the new government control of all roads, said J. R. McGregor.
 "This number. includes travelling freight agents, soliciting agents and all now performing this class of work as the government control places all roads upon an equal footing and the most direct routes will be given pref erence. Every one of the roads en- tering Birmingham, including the Southern system, Illinois Central, Gen. tral of Georgia, Seaboard Air Line, At- lanta, Birmingham and Atlantic, Louis- vile and Nashville and the Frisco will be affected.
 Ut is not the intention of the gov ernment to leave these men without work, for places will be provided for them in other departments where the need for men exists,
 NO estimate of the~number in the United States who will be affected by this ruling Is available, but this has heretofore been one of the most im- portant branches of the railroad bus mess and an elaborate system of ex- tension plans have always been lost cred by all roads,.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
OLD GLORY

By Mary Agnes Hillike. Our flag and Freedoms, of all bannel
 beast,- Old Glory barred with crimson of ti
 west
 Against the clouded heavens snov
 white,
 And set with the star-jewelry of nigh Devotion thrills my heart beholdiiI
 thee,
 Banner of heroes-emblem of the free And woman's pride beats high remel
 bering how First fashioned by a woman's hal
 vert thou. soldiers wife from her own garme
 new
 Furnished thee thy field of loyal blu Small starry Armament. And while | red She placed, far cannons told her heres bled. An! we'll she knew that thou vast ing wrought Of sterner stuff. the lives of those VI Of those who in the bloody fire d smoke
 Of battle died to hurl oppression's yo From Freedoms staggering form. tyranny
 Relentless crushed. Conceived in libe4 Vert thou. brought forth in pain a3 sacrifice,
 And nutured, blessed banner. pearl price, In the spent life-blood of a noble raj Wave on. 0 flag. in all thy beauted gracel % Fling thine and heavens colors to | breeze Until thy lovliness the wide world ss | Thy dignity of peaceful folds conct l Thy splendor half; but storm's fieS l wind reveals
 Thy hidden glory. At wars quickens| l notes II Thy unfurled beauty thwart the heavl | floats HI And thrills the hearts of men. To ~ belong A people great, as thou art great strong.
 For thee. our country's flag. and u death S We stand.-to serve thee with our la breath! &
 St. Mary's College. Notre Dame,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Conservation and
 Waste of Food

AST year brought this country A1 bumper food crops, but the de- mand for food supplies was so great that conservation was imperative. Food Administrator Herbert Hoover organized his conservation force and brought it up to state of efficiency, but this work must be still more highly developed and continued throughout the new year.
 The farmers will plant increased areas with view of large food pro- duction, hut this far ahead we can only hope and pray for bountiful har vests next Aall. In the meanwhile it behooves everybody to aid in conser- vation and ml i,aize waste.
 Hotels and restaurants serve
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Freight Congestion
 Will Be Cleared Up

TN the few days that the railroads U have been under federal control improvement in transportation is evil dent, but it will probably be two or three weeks before traffic congestion is cleared up.
 Director General McAdoo has se- lected men of large experience and proved capacity in railroad manage ment to assist him in his arduous undertaking. Hale Holden, president of the Chicago, Burlington and Qunicy, who is to coordinate the operating machinery of all the sys- |tems, is one of the most successful railroad executives in this country. John Skelton Williams, comptroller of the currency, who will have charge of financial questions arising out of government management, is past master in handling problems of this nature Henry Walters, a practical railroad man and gYeat financier, will be of invaluable service as one of the director generals chief assist ants. Other we'll known railroad ex- perts have been added to Mr. 3McAdoo's
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
WAR MANNERS IN BERLIN

From the London Times
 Ir an article in the Vossische zeitung, about life in Berlin, Fraulein Marie von Bunsen dilates upon the charms of re- stricted street lighting. and then turns to another development which she finds less attractive. Fraulein Won Bunsen says:
 "who can explain the habit which has suddenly arisen of eating sandwiches in the theatre? Last winter one sometimes saw it with horror. but now the prac- tice is gaining ground rapidly. In the best seats and in the best theatres ono is surrounded by we'll dressed people who pull sandwiches out of craekling packets of greasy paper and munch them shamelessly. until the air is filled with the smell of cheese and sausage So ore sits in the orchestra stalls or in the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Baby Bond Campaign
 in Full Swing

61HE government will raise two U billion dollars this year by the sale of war savings stamps and baby bonds. While people of moderate means could, by little sacrifice, buy liberty bonds to help win the war, the baby bond is within the reach or every one who earns dollar, and Of children who have nickels to spend.
 Patriotism made both liberty loans successful. Industrial corporations, banks and individuals of vast wealth subscribed for large amounts, and people not of the wealthy class were prompt in responding as far as they felt able to the governments appeal. But the millions who did not feel able to invest $50, the minimum price of a liberty bond, will now be eager sub scribers to the baby bonds and twenty five cents will enable any man, woman or child-white or black-to be en- rolled as a savings stamp purchaser.
 The face value of the baby bond is $4.12. It natures in 1923 and the government will redeem it by paying, instead of $4.12, five dollars. That will be compounding interest at the rate of per cent. Thus the small invester will have aided Uncle Sam by lending him money to carry on the war, and at the same time the owner of the bond will have saved money and learned the lesson of thrift.
 Alabama's allotment of these baby bonds is $4S,0OO, ,O0O. The state is being thoroughly organized by Craw- ford Johnson, state director, and his county aids. Thousands of Ala bamians understand the baby bond plan and will need no educational campaign, but there are other thou sands who have not informed them. selves, or who have not heard the plan explained.
 All classes will be reached by the campaign workers and few there will be who will decline to subscribe fo, one or more of these securities. This campaign is one of the most impor- tant that has been undertaken since the United States entered the war That it will be a success goes without saying.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
boxes of the most elegant theatres of |

boxes of the most elegant theatres of tn capital-and one is ashamed
 There is really not the slightest ne cessity for it. In these war times any body may find himself compelled to g straight to the theatre without first goin home. But nothing is easier than | devour ones provisions outside the thea tre or in an unnoticed corner in til passage. Some charitable people find es cuses in the psychology of the war an uncomfortable hunger suggestion; othel describe the practice more simply an more accurately as sheer bad taste.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
ALABAMA PRESS

Talladega Home: And that's war Con- gress up there in Washington, is it? To an outsider 1t looks like they have been dealing with everything else but the war question up to the Christmas vaca- ton.
 Albany Decatur Daily: Birmingham is wondering why the fuel administration decreed ''lightless nights" there when the electric current is manufactured by
 water power and no coal is used. It Is quite possible that Dr. Garfield was not advised that the Magic City is supplied
 by the Alabama Power company from
 it's Coosa river plant. It is also pos
 sible that he was of the opinion that
 the power thus furnished could be bet ter used by industrial plants. Huntsville Mercury: There is consola- ton in the thought that, while this win try weather is very uncomfortable. it is driving the boil weevil back and Madison county farmers will have still another year to raise cotton without be- ing handicapped by the insect. Montgomery Advertiser: The bolsheviki can, as they have done. send files or soldiers around to take charge or all the money that is in the banks of Petro-
 grad, but when that is spent, who IS going to build up new banks and who is going to make the money to put in
 the banks?
 Tuscaloosa News: King George of Eng Hand has set January as day of na- tional prayer for the success of the al lied cause. Every day is day of prayer with the American allies. Anniston Star; With all the common carriers of the nation at his command
 MT McAdoo ought to be able to "carry onn to his hearts content
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
MORAL OF THIS IS OBVIOUS

From the Houston Post.
 A New York man, unable-to buy coal otherwise. borrowed Q baby and drove round to the coal dealer and obtained what he needed. Now he could not have obtained results by borrowing poodle or a parrot.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
roo EXTENSIVE

You've heard of linen showers, tin- ware showers and other affairs of that nature?"
 "of course"
 "Tell me, did you ever hear of any body being the happy recipient of a coal shower?''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
NOT so BAD

"IIe draws salary of s1o,Oo0 year"
 Think of it! And he doesn't look as if he had sense enough to come in cpt of a shower of rain"
 True. But 1t helps considerably sometimes for man to look that way and be quite the opposite. He can fool a lot of people,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02

From the Louisville Courier Journal.
 Retailers are required to buy twice as much cornmeal. by weight, as sugar? Why, bless the souls of the food administrators, good corndod- ger beats sugar plum any day in the estimation of Kentuckian.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
AN ARKANSAS MUSICAL No7E

From the Ozark Spectator. , Singing Sunday evening was good, $
 the report goes. Some lunkheads ha to try to make 2 big noise, but ths didn't last.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Quiet, Conscientious Man

'I was certainly grieved at the death of William G. Montgomery" said H. s. Limmer. When I came here near ly 20 years ago from South Carolina he was then in partnership with Zac Smith. Their place of business was on First avenue between Twentieth and Twenty-first streets, and they op- erated under the firm name of Smith & Montgomery, doing large book business.
 T was in the office end which was looked after by MT. Montgomery and I learned to know him intimately and for his true worth. He was a quiet. hard-working and conscientious man
 MT. Montgomery was the type of citizen who, while not constantly be- fore the public, was always ready to do his part when called upon. I did not know of his illness and was shocked on hearing of his death.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Soldiers Appreciate Hospitality

'The hearty favor with which tho
 soldiers from the nearby camps have received Birmingham's open invitation
 to be her guests is made evident by
 the numbers which are continually en-
 toying the privileges offered by this
 association" said c. L. Harold, secre-
 tary-manager of the Civic association,
 yesterday.
 We are continually placing the i'm vitations of the townspeople in the
 hands of the boys who register here,
 and the impression that this custom was for use during the holiday sea- son only should be eradicaed. The bu- reau is for use as long as the visi- tors feel disposed to use it and its popularity is gainging force every day. Moro citizens are urged to send in their names to be used, as we ex- pect to have invitations for all the boys who visit us during the coming year.
 These acts of friendship are ap- preciated by the boys. many of whom are away from home for the first time. While we have them with us we should endeavor to do as much for their pleasure as possible-it may be our last chance"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02

large achievement.
 Will government control as a war measure lead to government owner ship after the war is over? is ques- ton that is being earnestly discussed by financiers and publicists. Presi- dent Wilson had no such purpose in mind when he took over the railroads, but what may develop as result of experience no one can foretell. The administration and those who are charged with railroad operation are interested only in solving the prob lems that have arisen, or will arise while the war lasts.
 # # *
 It is no trouble, apparently, for Cos sacks to defeat bolsheviM troops, but what a pity that they are perforce de- voting their ability as fighting men to the bolshevik when they might be swat ting the Hun.
 A big increase in crime is reported m Germany and Austria. However, the ar mics of the two Kaisers have estab- lished criminals records in other lands no ordinary thief or murderer can hope to equal.
 Mary Garden thinks decollese gowns should be "Hooverized'' during the war What is Mary driving at? Any more conservation of material would rouse up reformers and invite arrest # * + With the temperature s6 degrees below zero in the Yukon territory. there Is comfort in the thought that the shiver- ing sunny south" is still enjoying com paratively mild weather. < < Imagine the pride, not unmixed with CTGplQdllODY Wlln NItlCA thC IT porters will henceforth look after the comfort of Director General McAdoo when he takes a trip. !* z < 1 Justice is occasionally meted out in ! this country An eastern woman earn | ing s3500 a year has been denied alirnony from her husband who gets s25 a week | for slaving in a bank. | "Does syncopation serve the Lord?'' asks a contemporary. That is a oues- tion hard to answer. but we may be rea- sonably sure that there are no ukuleles in heaven,
 < F * l Germans interned in America doubt less feel, deep down in their hearts, that they are much better off than their brothers in trenches and "pill boxes l * # * | Mrs. Wilson Woodrow contributes to the Washington Times an article or | "Being Raised We'll" The verb raised in this case Is not a poker term. 1 sf # # | A Washington paper predicts that President Wilson will round out 100 years At any rate, he will live to see the Kai ser sadder and wiser man. 1 # a *
 Birmingham has no military camp, but men in khaki are getting to be more numerous on the streets than Confed crate veterans at reunion.
 * a *
 The Chattanooga News editorializes or Pearls of Great Price" There is { Pearl in the movies who is said to draw a fabulous salary.
 There were probably fewer headache: reported on the morning of January 1 1918. than ever before in the histor, Of America.
 Having learned few lessons from tn, Teutons in efficiency. the Turks are nov past masters of Organized atrocity."
 # * #
 There is no such thing as safety zon, in Petrograd, unless it's underground.
 ---s'----------------
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02

REGINNING THE DAY-Great God. come into my small heart. mighty God, stride into my puny life. O holy One, crowd out my un- holiness. o merciful, tender ana loving One. fill to overflowing my poor, selfish, hard soul. In Christs name. Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
WASTE MONEY

WASTE MONEY 'HThe fair defendant has employed one of the most eloquent lawyers in the coun- try to defend her"
 "But what's the user" q don't understand" Doesn't beauty in distress speak 8 language all its own that no trousered jury can listen to without giving prompt verdict of acquittal?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Hog,r Head in Demand

T do not know what got into the peoples head on Monday" said E. ". Ray, for it looked as if everyone who came into the place of business where I work seemed to want hogshead, not something in which they could pack crockery, but the kind you use to grease blaclk-eyed peas with.
 There are some epicureans who hold that when properly cooked it makes a more tempting New Years dish than the conventional turkey and cranber- ries. We could have sold 200. We soon ran out and secured the town to get another supply, but couldn't find one
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Tribute to a Beloved Pastor

Few people unless they have accu- rate knowledge have any idea of the amount of pastoral visiting not only among his own flock but among those who are shepherdless is done by Rev. J. A. Bryan," said Roger Snyder. and now that he is in the hospital to try and rest up and regain his strength, some of us who know the pace he has been going for years do not wonder that he broke down.
 He is one of the Lords chosen. l think can say it without in any way reflecting on any of the other pas tors that Dr. Bryan is pastor-at-largs for the whole city"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-02
Dr. Gwin to Study

IT am on my way to New York to take a special course in eye, ear, nose and throat diseases said F. E. Gwin, the we'll known physician at Dolomite.
 T hope, however, that the severe weather that we read about in the great metropolis will be over before I arrive, as the spell through which we are passing satisfies all my desire for cold"