davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
QUITE ANOTHER CHAP

From the Kansas City Journal.
 A rookie was reading an article about the Kaiser which compared him with Nero. Who was Nero, Bill?" he asked Of fellow rookie.
 Wasn't he man that was always cold?'
 'Naw," was the reply, that was Zero another guy altogethof.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
GREAT RESPONSIBILITIES.

DO army officers take the war more seriously than civilians?"
 ..well, of course, we devote our undi- vided attention to it." replied Major Gen. eral Spatts, "as fighting is a profession with us, "but I don't know of anybody ; on whom the war seems to rest withsT more visible weight than our young sec ond lieutenants.
 PATH, COOK re
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
DOWN SOUTH.

What is the lady from the east say ing?"
 "she is telling the hotel clerk that if there are any lynchings scheduled for today, she must know at least several hours in advance. so she can leave towns as she has no desire to witness such dreadful sights "H
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

America. Naturally there wasn't much publicity attached to the ownership which as called Fair Play" In pop ular pariance. wouldn't name like that for sheet owned by scoundrel like the former German ambassador to Ameriea rattle the false teeth of your maiden avnt?
 If the charges brought against Richard c wagner, president of the Transatlantic Steamship company, are true, mercy c5nfisoatirg his German owned corpora. tion is not sufficient punishment. Ills shtrs arc alleged to have supplied Ger. man raiders. If so, Wagner, an Amcri- can born citizen, is a traitor to his coun- try.
 Evidently the Kaiser is not popular in PittsbGrg It is reported that reia- tives gathered at christening and when cousin of the family suggested "Wh- helm as suitable name for the infant, there was riot, Five persons were sent to hospital and five arrested.
 # x #
 An officer writing home from France is of the opinion that French beer car rot compare with any one of several
  brands which made certain American cities famous in the good old days when every man carried bottle opener on his key ring.
 "Who is that big drummer who is al- ways whistling around here?" asked man in the Knickerbocker hotel. He was referring to Caruso, and his mistake may have been partly due to the unimpeacn' able elegance of the tenor's attire.
 < # *
 If the Kaiser is willing to sacrifice the statues of his kinsmen to be melted down for war purposes, that may be regarded Ill SOIEG qladELSln do diiAlOSt uo PotiAOS-~ as sacrificing one of his six sons.
 < # #
 A travelled person wonders what effect the bombardment of Constantinople has on that city's extraordinarily large do, population. Maybe most of the CUTS there lave d-ed of starvation.
 < + #
 Imitation cannon built for the mov:es should no; be taken too seriously. Neither should the hero of war photoplays who performs plodigies of valor before a camera.
 Conservation of gasoline will not be carried to such point that fat generals will have to ride horseback, instead of speeding about in high powered motor cars.
 A contemporary predicts that the Kaiser and his six sons will be worried when tEe war is over. They will have something to worry about.
 4 I.
 With President Wilson giving persona impetus to the next Liberty Loan, there should be no difficulty in raising a pa try SIX billions.
 - # # # It is rumored that movie magnates have already made an offer to Dora Rap. Ian, the Russian Jewess who shot M. kolai Lenine.
 # # H
 That I. W. w. bomb outrage in Chi eago proves that Big Bill' and his az. complices were not convicted a minate too. seen.
 H # *
 Little French children are learning to speak 4 Aclerican profanity with profi- cheney, which may shock proper per.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
KEEP AN EYE ON JIM

From the NeW YOrk HefaId.
 Following his unfortunate-for him : run-in with Premier Clemenceau, Senator James Hamilton Lewis is talking in Lon don We hope our London friends will understand that the Senator never has been handicapped by an understanding of the nuances of the English language. either
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
SUITS ALL PURPOSES.

AAo <AcS Y CIlf ooi.o. sss Our national capital is fortunate in possessing a memorial like the Washing tor monument"
 "Yes?"
 Tt seems to serve equally we'll as $ background for a patriotic rally, an in- ternational lawn party. or an open-air dance." 3@
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
ENrrTT.ED TO nAMAcES

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 A Syracuse man sues his dentist be- cause he can't eat corn off the cob with set of false teeth for which he paid $250. He should recover heavy damages Life isn't worth living if you can't eat corn off the cob.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE.

Some of the new ships Uncle Sam is launching in such large numbers have rather queer names"
 citizen, "but the fact that I don't know how to pronounce their names doesn't prevent me from waving my hat and cheering as loud as anybody when they glide into the water and splash the Kaiser"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
THOSE LITTLE FOX PASSES

From the New York Evening Sun
 You may be damned for something im- portant But the things you wake up in the night and damn yourself for, even after the lapse of years, are the little fox passes, such as getting hold of the wrong fork or stepping on lady's corns at dance,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Watch Joke Explained

The little notice about the lady and put in as a joke on jewellers" said w. E Perry, "but i. is frequently the case that men and women bring in their watches and ask me to find out what is the mat ter with them and frequently they have just failed to wind them up.
 Not only is this the case, but I some. times think that watches are like folks. They may bs in a bad fix, but as soon as they get into a jewellers hands they begin to get all right. I suppose on the same principle that frequently man will walk into a dentists office with an aching tooth which will at once get quiet at the sight of a pair of pincers."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
.N uNyERACIOUs RAGE

From the Washington Star.
 HindenburT has made a formal denial of reports hut he is dead Any Prussians assertion requires elaborate formalities. in the way of proof.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
IN A QIrANpARY.

q presume you have made provision for cold weather?"
 Not yet" replied MT. Dubwaite 'Is can't decide whether it would be cheaper to buy coal for my furnace or spend the winter at a hotel and let my landlord do the worrying about fuel" 5
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
x F x Easy Way to Invite a Military Disaster

a Military Disaster
 M1OTHING could be more fatal to G N victory for America and her allies just now than overconfidence. A warning has been sounded by George Creel, who says: "The disin- tegrating forces of overconfidence are at work. People are saying, Whats the use of the new draft? Whats the use of another Liberty Loan? The war will soon be over"
 Any we'll informed person knows, as MT. Creel suggests, that Germany would be willing to spend huge sum of money to alter the steadfast pur- pose of America to see the war through to finish by creating the impression that there is no necessity for our exerting ourselves. to the ut- most. It would be "defeatism of the worst sort"
 Do not be misled by optimistic headlines in newspapers. Germany has not yet turned at bay for her last stand, and no one can say what the cost of that struggle will be. It may prove the most memorable, as well as the most sanguinary, battle in all history, a struggle which will make the previous conflicts of this war seem tame in comparison. Fur thermore, there is no assurance that the next great battle will be final. Germany, as her leaders declare, may hold to her resolution to fight to the last man, rather than accept a peace dictated by the allies, which would forever put an end to her dreams of empire.
 It would be criminal at this time, and the widest folly as we'll, to let ourselves be deluded into belief that our task is done. Unless some unfore- seen and highly improbable collapse should eliminate Germany, we still have our hardest fighting and our greatest sacrifices before us
 .s C C
 Affecting Scene When British
 Capture a French Village TIT is related that when British U patrols approached the French village of Ecourt-St. Quentin they were met by three men in civil ian clothes--a strange sight they were at that time and in that place Led by these men, British soldiers en- tered the town and found forty six persons, thirty of them women, hidder in cellars, who for four long years had lived at the mercy of German troops.
 This handful of survivors preferred to take their chances under double bonlbardment, from the approaching British and later from the Germans
 : 4L borfthat thev womb
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Can't Forget Alabama

It is hard for me to get over my liking for Alabama, and particularly so for Blr- minghatn. where I put in so many years of hard but happy work as teacher and as dean" said professor \. J. Moon, who now lives in Texas.
 T just ran back for brief visit. The Lone Star state is to other states what imperial Jefferson is to other counties TeXas is a veritable empire,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
HlsRNHaRnIs PLACE

From the Louisville Courier-J ournal
 General Rernhardis retreat places him in the great company composed of those who can tell how it ought to be done, but carrot do it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

BEGINNING THE DAY-My Fath- CT, I would cultivate friendship with Thee. | would beguile the hours, heighten joy, tighten labor, learn sorrows secret and exalt life. l would walk with Thee and talk with Thee until I catch and hold Thine image in my bosom. In Christs name. Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
sBi.hop of Main Street.

"Dr. William States Jacohs, who will conduct services at the South Highlands Presoyterian church next Sunday, is about the ahlest minister in the southern Presoyterian-denomination," said Job Co., ing maaagec of the Good Roads Machin. cry company.
 He has magnificent appearance and magnetic personality. He is member or all civic bodies in Houston, and takes 4 ilVely interest in all public matters.
 lie IS popular with the people of his home town who do not go to church as well as with the people of all denomina tions. He is known as the Bishop of Main Street. which in degree attes;s his popularity"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Bascball-Erond Memories

I was corning up Twentieth street yes. terday afternoon absorbed i'll my thoughts said Harry Jones, land all Of q sudden familiar sound greeted my ears.
 T stopped for a moment, and what do you suppose the news-es were yelling? All about the baseball game. It almost memories that once upon d time baseball was played right here in Birmingham a, Rickw pod park"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
SOCIETY NOTE.

Fair Isobel From a beach hotel
 Comes home with seven trunks And a coat of tan, Iris said, Oh, Man!
 That cost a thousand plunks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
FEMININE AUTocRAcY.

halSer
 FEMININE AUTocRACY.
 q hope this war will soon be over'
 "Everybody wishes that
 But I have a special reason, in addi- tion to the reasons most other people have"
 ''What is it?"
 'I notice some of the officers wives are beginning to assume Prussian airs wien the wives of buck privates are anywhere about"
 tte lowly garden plant which so many fear to eat
 She writes:
 Judge Eleckley retained his fondness for GU 'ihbers to the last, and ate them just as he describes in the poem. TO. member che of the last times he was ill my house. He came in shortly before dinner. 1 asked him would he not stay and have dinner with us, and he asked if I had ououmbers for dinner. told him I coulc have them, so phoned Harai' to bring some when he came home to dinner. Haral had to search the town to find them, but he succeeded. The judge had the maid put before him a soup plate, several cucumbers, knife and grater. Then he proceedSd to peel and grate them-his latest method of prepa"' ing tham. Haral tells a story that cn one occaslon an admirer of the judge, who liked cucumbers. but with whofn they had never agreed, read the judges poem. .han acted on his advice to eat enough. the danger lies in eating little and as a result the trusting friend nearly died. rho judge was certainly a charac ter. lie ard I were great friends. have no idea Frank Barnett recalls me- but I rAmeniber l met, him q suppose if Is the same one) in Birmingham when I was :. EirI. If am not mistaken he is a nephc " of Judge Barnett who WAS one of Judge Bleckley's most intima;o friends, and for whom his son, Barnet; Bleckley, Harars half brother. is named" :"
 
 The poem, from which will give some verses. concluded an address on "Trut1 in Thought and Emotion," which Was delivered ny him. in 1886. before the Lit erary societies of Mercer university q; Macon, Ga:
 "In spite of all advice and warning, I ate them Nitrly in the morning. And then. although mere beginner, For breakfast. luncheon and for dinner And in the evening with my tea, xroilld estit co some two or three If you V ould have a truthful notion, A truthful impulse or emotion, A trutafal vision in your slumbers, Eat, l pray you, eat cucumbers. .. And eat enough. With such victual The danger lies in eating little. Like iearr.ing, drunk from Mercer } spciag.
 A little is q dangerous thing
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

Washington bureau, POT Hibbs build 1ng
 European bureau, Henrietta street, CoNent Garden, London.
 Eastern business office, World build ing, New York city; western business office, Tribune building. Chicago. The S. c. Beckwith Special Agency, agents for foreign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Merchants Very Prosperou.

l find most of the merchants where l have been fully as prosperous or more prosperous than they were before the war" says Prof. Jeff Sox, who is compil ins data for Bradstreet's agency.
 Most of them have too much in ths'r stores for the present rsme. l also find that they are doing very little credit business" Professor Sox. who is native of South Carolina, has spent most Of his time in tris state. He has taught school Tor 30 years and was for eight years s.1- perintenoent of public schools in Coosa county.
 T sometimes feel very urgently the eau pack to the schoolroom,' he says, "bus do not think I shall obey it I think l nave served my time in the schoolroom." :"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Regret Capt. Hutchinson's Departure

contact with Capt James B. Hutchinson, Who has been in charge of the army re cruiting sttaion here, Will be sorry to know that he is leaving Birmingham, said Louis Gelders.
 Many men have passed through his Of flee here, and he has always been known for his courtesy. He is product of south Alabama, which means he knows how to be polite without an effort. I first learned to know him when l lived at Eufaula."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
Member of the Associated Press.

Member of the Associated Press. The Age Herald is the only morning and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham carrying the Associated Press dis patches.
 The Associated Press is exclusively entitled to the use for publication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news published herein.
 All rights of republication of special dispatches herein are also reserved.
 TELEPHONE
 Bell tprivate exchange connecting nll departmental Main 4900.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address
 THE E-HERALD,
 Birmingham, Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

No communication will be published without it's authors name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second-class matter, un- der act of Congress, March s, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

Daily and sunday. year.......$9. .oo Daily without Sunday. 500 Daily and Sunday, per month. 50 Daily and Sunday, three months. 2.25 Sunday Age-Herald, per annum.. 5 .0O Thursdays edition, per annum.. .25
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

Copyright, 1918. by tho Bell syndicate )
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-09-06

Now, l trust that none of my goad Christian Scientist friends will think l referred to them in an invidious manner io1 did noi for I owe them a great deb :: bers who gave me a new lease on life and opened up a whole ,st of good thi 1ss which had been put on the forbidden tree for me 0 eat.
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13
BRITISH GAIN AT
 2 POINTS IN LINE
THEY MAKE PROGRESS ON LYS SALIENT AND NEAR CAMBRAI-
 HEAVY RAINS CONTINUE.
LENS CLOSELY INVESTED
Australians Fighting in Driving Storm Have Pushed Their Lines Forward East of Roisel-Ger-
 mans Readily Surrender.

British Armies in France.-Tne British line northeast of Nieppe, in the Eys salient, was advanced during the night and the British positions in the Ploegsteert region were im- proved.
 Kemmel is under fire from the ene- my guns.
 North of La Bassee the Germans evidently are trying out the British strength. They have made three at tacks on the British posts, but each time they were repulsed with heavy losses.
 The continued downpour of a cold fall rain has thoroughly drenched the battlefield, but notwithstanding this handicap slight line strengthening gains have again been made by the British in the face of increased enemy resistance, especially in the regioa southwest of Cambrai.
 The line northeast and southeast of Hesbeeourt, east of Roisel, has been advanced by Australian troops in a driving storm, and posts have been established well to the eastward of the former front. In the same gen elal locality the British forward movement continues.
 The Germans seem to have thrown in more machine gunners here, and as they came from fresh divisions they are holding out a little better than the troops they relieved, who had be- come so fatigued or disheartened that some of them during recent days sur- rendered without firing q shot when they saw the British advancing.
 The Germans delivered a number of counter strokes, but all except one broke down. In one attack the Ger mans penetrated the forward British positions, but the line was immediate v restored without much difficulty. Ieavy artillery firing is reported, es- pecially from the German big guns, in the valley of the River Searpe.
 British troops now have drawn their lines closer about the coal cen ter of Lens.
 The text of the day statemen. reads:
 The enemy launched a second coun- ter attack against the positions gain ed by us during the morning west of Gouzeacourt. He was completely re- pulsed. Our line has been advanced during the night south of Havrin- court.
 Progress was made by us north east of Neuye Chapelle and west and north of Armentieres."
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13

industrial unt-perhaps better chance than he has had before.
 One of the most important means of installing this vitally important lesson will be through the utilization of "cheer-up men," themselves crip- ples, who have lost arms, legs sight and who have. nevertheless, made good Plans com plete for the employment of large corps of these "cheer-up workers;' they being en- listed through the aid of the Red Cross institute, the National Association of Manufacturers, in- surance companies dealing with industrial acel- dents, and from the ranks of Canadian and Brit ish soldiers who have suffered mutilatton in this and again self-supporting civilians. Eventually, unless the to a much earlier termination than Washington is figuring on. our own army will provide supply of cheer up mem from the graduates of the reconstruction hospitals These workers to be attached to the base hospitals, tbe hospital ships that will bring the incapacitated soldiers back to America for treatment, and to the general and special hospitals on this side.
 Supplementing the work of the "eheer up men, whose function is to defnopstrate both orally and visually that cripple is Sf from useless, will be books, pictures, motion pictures, and other hibits calculated to inspire the will and stimulate the ambition of the injured man. In the surgeon generals office wonderful book Is being piled, under the direction of one of the most famous of American surgeons, in which the life stories of hundreds of maimed and crippled who have overcome their 'handicaps are told in simple but convincing fashion. Profusely Illus trated. copies of this book will be available for the perusal of every crippled soldier in the hos pitals. Motion-picture films showing crippled men who have undergone almost every conceivable form of mutilation performing useful work for good pay. with and without the of artificial members. are being prepared by the Red Cross institute and elsewhere for exhibition to the mamed soldier early as he is able them.
 To insure against the habit of ideness provi- sion Is being made for the employment of every crippled soldier at some form of work AS he Is able to any of his faculties Special nurses, male and female, being trained bedside teachers" to give the wounded man start at employing his faculties before he is able to leave his cot. The things he does at first will necessarily be trivial in their results, but they will be required duties, gauged to the mans pacity and strength. and leading 10 his future career crippled civilian. Thus the man who has lost his right hand will be taught to use his left for the things he was accustomed to do with his right; the stenographer who has lost hand will learn to operate typewriter with one hand not so difficult feat as il may seem. As the cripple becomes a convalescent, able to leave his bed. more work will be required of him. By this time he win be the hospital ship, on his way back to the United States, for every wounded soldier who cannot be quickly restored to active service will be sent back to this country as soon be can be transported, for further treatment or
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13

lunchng
  occasionally This bear "YOure peta aren o a kitten"
 dropped Hulners hand which a tendey possible tip of the Apparently thinking the Hulners while grabbing
 of of stage yards a
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13

wadding poured Ill small and then started out In
 
 emerging kof the Miller started toward ue ae
  basket of clothes that ne a waddlng the gun stueh tue poreh anu pl y the house in flames
 the time Miller had eSaea HIS he had mukehe realized had burned Sel out the sparks and hSlng hos oubudings
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13
To Fix Gasoline Prices.

Washington. Fuel Administrator Garfield announced that he ex- poets to fix a price for gasoline for domestic consumption as we'll as the government and the allies at fig ure lower than the present market price. He is awaiting further reports on the situation before taking de.i- nite action,
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13

A spinning turbine wheel keeps the exhaust gases moving in new auto mobile mufiier and helps to cool them.
 Nigeria has been added to the lands in which valuable deposits have been discovered in recent years.
 Drinking cups are made from rhi- noceros horn by natives of Sumatra, who believe that they counteract pois- ons.
 Careful copies are kept of all letters written by King George in person. and these are preserved in the archives at Windsor.
The Monticellonian., 1918-09-13
GATHERED FACTS

German city collects garbage, dries it and mixes 1t with molasses to form a cattle food.
 Giving up life of luxury, Miss Dor othy Dawes, a society belle of Colum- bus, O., has been driving a milk wagon in Marietta.
 Instead of repeating number of prayers. Buddlists have written pray CTS attached to a wheel, the revolv- ing of which a certain number of times Is supposed to have the same effect.