The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1918-03-30
Mr.. SIMPkINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT MeeLAiR.

tears. 1t was portrait NJ his father,
Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor during the
Civil War and had died bravely on the
field of action Mr.. Simpkins' throat
ached now for two reasons: First, he
reverenced and adored the memory of
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
20 10 war himself And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
ing gaze of Colonel Simpkins he saw,
in Imagination, the KHAKI; clad lads Of
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles of sea to
fight, maybe die. for liberty.
Mr.. Simpllins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for a salute.
But his equity shoulder twinged, and he
groaned. He couldn't even salute.
"Damn!" said Mr.. Simpkins, and
with his other hand fiercely twirled his
white muSt1CnlOS.
He turned and limped into the H.
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reeve
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about 5000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
ject of taxes ever since he had discOv-
cred that the more income man has
the greater the percentage of it he
pays in taxes. He could think of sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
ried and had two children. and yet,
although '>their incomes were nearly
half of his, they would pay only a
small fraction Of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filling in the information
that it asked for.
AS Mr. Simpkins' income was SIS 600
able on each of the successive smaller
classes Of incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes that is, single men making
over 1000 His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay 2 per cent. (under
the 1916 law on all income over
$4,000, deducting 5000 for each Of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpkins' case this was $212, which he
put down in the payable" column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law, married men pay an additional
per cent. on all over $2,OOO-with the
same allowance for children. This
added $3.50 to his payable" column.
He then observed that for every
$4,000 jump in his income over $4,000
he had to pay Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden.
And on top Of all this came an "Ex-
cess Profits tax Of 8 per cent. on all
Occupation" income over $4,000, max.
ing $720 more
The total, then, he must pay was four.
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Wheww exclaimed Mr. Simpkins
angrily "There's young Henry Will
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $4,000 and he doesn't pay q
cent. Of taxes. guess this is his war
as we'll as mine!"
Thinking of young Henry Wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs Wilkins went
every afternoon to make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who
was lawyer, was aiding the Local
Draft Board with its questionnaires.
"Well," he admitted to himself,
'that makes difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough.
by, whose income was about $3,OOO
"He only pays $780," commented Mr..
Simpkins, not quite so angrily this
time; and then thought struck him
and he sat up rigldly in his chair.
Judge Willoughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when it was
summarized with the loss of two hun.
dred soldiers
"Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America" muttered Mr. Simpkins
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands.
For long time MI. Simpkins sat
very still in that position. There was
no sound in the library except the
ticking Of the tall clock and an occa-
sional trill Of laughter from the chill
dren skylarking upstairs. The square
Of light on the carpet gradually with.
drew itself through the window, and
first twilight and then darknesS settled
in about the quiet, white haired, some
times irascible old man.
Mr.. Simpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
of, he was thinking things that were
too sacred ever to be put into words.
But some inkling Of his thoughts may
be found In his rejoinder to Mrs.
simpkins when that placid lady came
In and turned on the lights, and asked
him whether he was ready for dinner.
4; "Judge Willoughby's only son was
worth as much az fourteen hundred