The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-12-07
HIS SUBURBAN DAY
BY GEoRGIANNA HORN.


lOVe my DrOtner, StateQ the man
from Hyde Park. "He is a very ad.
mirable young man and looks a great
deal like me-but I tell you / am off
him and his vine-clad suburban cot for
life. Our occasional Sabbath pilgrim
ages invariably fall on the days when
1t rains buckets or I want to sleep or
train the canary bird, and I set out
toward Lemuels roast beef and ice
cream with a stern and rock-bound
countenance. have no doubt that he
and his wife are exactly as glad to see
us and are demanding Of high heaven
why they were so unfortunate as to
invite us on that particular Sunday,
when they could as well have asked us
for the Sunday after Life Is like that,
you know.
"Imogene and l were out at Bosky
Crest few Sundays ago and after
dinner Bertha said she had a treat for
US. 1t seemed that her nephew Ar
thur, also dinner guest, was a star
member Of the home military company
and, as he had been year at West
Point, was drilling them until he HIM
self was called. She said 1t was a
wonderful sight to see all the mature
residents of Bosky Crest drilling and
that we were all going.
mo, they did not drill at Bosky
Crest, but at the next suburb, Sylvan
Dells, and Lemuel would take us all
J over in the car, including their three
children, only unfortunately he had to
take over the Bosky Crest warriors.
No, she explained haughtily, not the
entire company in one little car, Of
course, but his contingent. So we
would go over on the street car.
1T was a sticky day and when we
got to the car line we were moist. Then
it rained what the Bosky Crestites call
a lovely, growing rain, just enough to
spoil your 50-cent suit press and make
your eyebrows drip. Reaching Sylvan
Dells with many other pilgrims, we
walked six blocks sizzling In the sun,
arriving at last at large stretch Of
field.
'There we sat on the ground while
Lemuers youngest repeated In loud
tone Of voice every three minutes, with
the calm regularity Of an alarm clock,
that he was thirsty and desired u
drink. have always thought parents
short-sighted in respect to watering
their offspring.
II have observed that an infants
raging thirst invariably increases In
direct ratio to the length of the dis
lance to water. What parents should
do Is to carry an affair like rolled-up
map which they can spread out before
the gaze of their small children, reveal
Ing large hand painting of purling
brook and gallon bottle Of spring
water-and the knowledge that plenty
Of fluid was at hand would instantly
quell the juvenile craving for the un-
! attainable.
"Just sitting was the best thing we
did. With many means and growls
the restless populace from Bosky
Crest sat and waited and glared at the
gloomy residents Of Sylvan Dells. No
marchers appeared. Time went on
If my brothers youngest child had
really received all the water he yelled
for the coroner would have called 1t q
justif1able drowning, am sure.
"Other peoples children tramped on
my tight shoes and Imogene grew
hoarse begging me In stage whispers
to keep still, for heavens sake! Two
hours after we had grown to the spot
there was wild yelp of Joy and the
military company appeared. This Ia
where / learned to dislike heartily
Bertha's West Point nephew. For he
saw us where we sat, and what did he
do but march his company on the dou'
BILE quick clear to the farthest end OF
that field and, by links, he kept them
there, so we had to uncoll ourselves
and trot over. never In my life saw
such cruelty toward middle-aged and
helpless men, who by good rights
should have been stretched out on the
parlor sofa snoring with the newspa
per over their faces.
"Just as they faced one way nephew
barked at them and they jumped to-
ward the opposite direction as though
they were shot. There was one dread
full instant when they got tied up In O
bowknot through trying to obey two
orders at once and thought they were
gone for good. When they had work
cd like slaves for two more hours and
gave no signs of ceasing they dashed
by us and ImOgene shrieked at nephew
and inquired whether he were trying
to Kill those poor men on the spot OF
what-and, as this temporarily con
fused the military morale, they called
1t day and dlsbanded, and | am con
WINGED that many Of them owe theii
lives to my brave wife. Yes, 1t be
gan to rain again right there, but thai
was good for the crOps-and when W.
left / dared my brother and his Wifi
to ask us again all summer, and they
felt just the same way. SO after thi'
we will have our reunions downtown
"H'm!" said the WOodlawn man
"Catch me ever asking you out to din
nerl