davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
COLONEL HAD LAST WORD
Officers joke Was All Riaht Until the
Commander Got Tired OF
Hearing 1t.

A well-known French colonel had
mania for questioning his officers about
their families, invariably starting off
with: ''What is your fathers profess
sion, your mothers, and your sis
ter'sT
Some Of the subalterns became so
wearied of this endless repetition that
they decided among themselves to give
each in turn the following reply:
My father is shoemaker, my moth
er is laundress, and my sister is
very Tightly"
On the following Sunday, after the
customary church parade, the colonel,
who had already received the same
answer to his questions from two or
three of the officers, turned to another
and started off in the old stereotyped
strain: what is your fathers profess
sion2'
HE is shoemaker" -
"And your mother's?"
"She is a laundress."
'That will do" interrupted the
colonel, II know the rest; your sis
ter is Eighty and you will consider
yourself confined to barracks until
she behaves betteri'
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17

The president Of woman suffrage
organization is mighty person. DR..
Anna Howard Shaw spoke in the as
sembly hall Of the Claypool hotel on
the opening evening of the annual con-
vention of the Woman's Franchise
League Of Indiana. The room was
built to hold 500 persons comfortably /;
but about 800 We're there that evening.
Mrs. Richards Edwards of Peru, presi-
dent Of the franchise league, thought
she detected an odor of smoke. From
her position on the stage she sent a
message to Miss Adah Bush, of Kent
land, to investigate the source.
Miss Bush left the room for few
minutes. When she returned she sent
up to Mrs. Edwards the message:
Il have seen about the smoke have
had 1t stopped. "-Indianap News.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Insects chum with AvIators.

According to Lieut.. Depret Bixio of
the French army, who is a naturalist
as well as a flying man, many insects
follow captive balloons in their ascent.
He has seen flies go as high as 2,970
feet. after which they die Grasshop-
pers cling to the basket of the balloon
until the air becomes too rarefied for
them, when they let go and fall. He
says the swallows have a glorious time
following the balloons and catching
these insects Scientific American.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Dynamitina the Pothunter.

The newspapers of the country have
almost everywhere been a powerful
force in crystallizing the sentiment of
the protection by proper laws of fish
and game as important resources of
the commonwealth.
A New Jersey editor, a thorough
sportsman, says Wild Life, recently re-
ceived from reader who desired to
take fish by questionable means a
letter that contained this request:
"Please advise me how to dynamite
a stream"
The newspaper man sent the follow.
ing advice:
Pour sticks Of dynamite are suffi-
cient. Tie them securely around your
neck, attach fuse, light 1t and run as
fast as you can away from the water.
to avoid injuring the other snakes and
reptiles"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
AS CHINAMAN SEES KAIs-R
Not Hard to See That This Student
Has Sympathy With the
"AII-Hiqhest."

Here are some comments on the
kaiser from the pen of Chinese stu
dent, an exchange says: 81
''The German kaiser is not the SUI
perior man as deciphered by the Chi
nese literature; he is surely a.smean
fellow containing much fraudishs cum
ming In his deceited heart. Theesupe-
rior man IS shown in the,amerits of
excellent heart with much loving kind
ness to all peoples; the mean fellow
is displayed in the black heart of the
unregenerated devils of hell with mnch
loving kindness only to himself.
SIN the history of China was an en-
peror who burn the books and Slowed
the scholars to extinct the civilization
of the peaceful inhabitants; but he
was not success in this crafty tricks,
for the civilizations could never be
extinct by such dishonorable barbar-
ism means. Now the German kaiser
he also awfully wishing to slave the
people and extinct the civilizations of
the universe; he also destroy the lit
erature books, and the arts, and the
ships, and mess the people of allies
nations. But he viii not sue
cess"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
BRAVERY and Buttons.

when / was In the ranks" Johns
second lieutenant tells him (John Ed
ward Martin is the recruit hero of
'"The Single Star" by Capt. f. D.
Grierson), "our crowd was inspected
by famous general. When he'd look
ed at every badge and button he said
Lads, remember that the biggest
dandy makes the best soldierp What
he meant was that the man who takes
a pride in himself and keeps himself
smart whether he's on parade or
square-pushing round the town-that
mans going to be the fellow you can
rely on when bother happens. Clean
ing buttons may seem all d nom
sense to q man who's come out to-
fight for his country, but it's not It's
just one of the little things that help
to make up the big things-and the
big things1l come along fast enough,
don't you worry"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Cure for rubercuIosis claimed.

An Italian physician, Prof Domenic0
Lo Monaco, announces that he has
evolved a remedy for consumption.
The base of his discovery lies in his
finding that sugar applied to the bron-
chial secretions caused the disappear
ance not only of the secretions but of
tubercle bacilli as well. The impor-
lance of this lies in that the bronchial
secretion is held to be necessary We
hicle for the existence and growth of
consumption germs.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Lard substitute From Fish oil.

BY treating fish oil with hydrogen
a chemist has produced an oil, and
also a solid substance very much re-
sembling lard, which is entirely taste
less and when used in pastry or bread
produces most satisfactory results, ac-
cording to demonstration employed
by the bureau Of fisheries. The new
product is to be placed on the market
and it is the hope of the food admin
istration that it will prove acceptable.
Special value attaches to any process
which, like the one referred to, makes
available fat obtained from sources
heretofore unutilized.-Popular Me-
chanics Magazine.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Don't Saw That Aoainl

An Illinois man, remarking about
the low price Of wheat, compared to
chicken feed, says: "Sort of indicates
that wheat may 60 to the chicks,
doesn't it," Man, don't say that
againl I am afraid 1t might be over
heard in some broken household In
France, where some widowed mother
tries to still the cries of her hungry
children by giving them the greater
part of her own scanty rations. Don't
talk about feeding wheat to the chick
ems Orange Judd Farmer
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
The cabman Knew Him.


During lecture tour through the
United States Sir Conan Doyle arrived
one day in Boston and was consider
ably astonished when a cabman ac-
costed him and addressed him by
name. "How did you know who was?"
said Sir Conan Doyle, much interest
ed, and not little flattered by the
recognition.
IF you'll excuse me saying So" said
the cabman, "the 1apels of your coat
look as if they had been grabbed by
New York reporters. your hair looks
as if 1t had been cut in Philadelphia,
your hat looks as If you had had to-
stand your ground In Chicago, and
your right shoe has evident Buffalo
mud under the instep and-aad-"
"And whatT queried Sir Arthur.
"Well." replied the cabman, 81 saw
Conan Doyle In big white letters on
your trunk. Boston Transcript.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Duty That Lies Near.

If only it could be impressed upon
each and every one OF US that we must
do our duty, whatever that duty may
he and wherever it may be, just as
well as we possibly can, what a ire
mendous thing it would be.
1t has been said that if the American
people would save just 10 per cent Of
what they have formerly spent the war
would be won and victory would be
assured. The girl in the home can do
a tremendous part in the winning OF
this war-she can save In many ways
she can work in many ways and she
docs not have to have any special tai
.ent for 1t either.
Character and industry, these are
the things that count, these are what
make life really worth the living.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
EIectrons and Atoms.

Atoms are minute particles of mat
ter, each about one-three-hundredt
part of an inch In diameter. They are
so small that If the earth were made
up of baseballs it would be a fair
model of drop of water made up Of
atoms. The electron is smaller still. 1t
has a diameter Of about one-hundred-
thousandth that Of an atom, so that if
an atom were represented by a sphere
100 yards in diameter the electron
would be about the size of pins
head. 1t has been satd that the cleo
irons which form an atom can be COM
pared to a swarm of gnats In a cathe-
dral or other large building. AS atoms
are made up of electrons, so molecules
are made up of atoms.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
chinese Taking to Cigarettes.

Ten years ago we exported 100000
600 cigarettes to China, which is an
average of about one cigarette year
for each celestial. This year there has
already been an average of 10 ciga-
rettes exported to each Chinese, or, in
round figures, 4,OOO,OOO,OOO American
cigarettes, says Popular Science
Monthly. Last year our exports In
cigarettes alone reached the S12,0O0-
900 mark.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Euclid In British Army.

Another war hospital publication to
hand is with the Wounded" the or
gan of the Brondesbury Park military
hospital, which also echoes those high
spirits which seem the peculiar prop
erty of war hospitals. It's contents in
clude Euclid In the Army" from
which we extract the following defini-
tons:
"All regimental sergeant majors are
equal to anything, but the side Of any
three sergeant majors, taken together,
is less than that Of any three brigadler
generals taken at random"
"a major has the shortest temper
between two meals"
We should like to see some more Of
these efinitions.-London Globe.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Can sleep Anywhere.

A soldier who enlisted and was sent
to Houston was sent out to the
trenches for training, and while on
duty he was granted two hours rest.
He was allowed to sleep on the firing
step of the trench, which, he said. Is
nine inches wide He said when he
comes back he will be able to sleep out
on the window sill
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Quiet Water aupntx Pumn.

A nioseless water supply pump of
small capacity is described in Poular
Mechanics Magazine. At distance of
ten feet, 1t is claimed, the only sound
to be heard is the hum of the motor.
It operates at a speed of 800 revolu-
tons minute and therefore can be
belt driven. The pump is supplied
with an air cock and is used with
either open or pressure tank systems.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Joined the Army.

A private in the quartermaster's
corps at Camp Pike decided that he
would sooner be in a mons active
branch of the service, so asked Tor and
received transfer to the artillery.
After bidding him good-by, his bunk
mate hung a service flag with one star
in front of their barracks. On being
asked what it all meant he said: "Our
Joe has joined the army"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Want Home Iron Plants.

New Zealand imports iron and steel
products at present at the rate of
about $20.000,000 a year, and demand
is increasing. 1t is proposed now to
attempt the development of a home
iron industry. Iron deposits at Para
para. in the Nelson district. are esti-
mated to contain from 100000 to 60,
100000 tons and there are coal deposits
near at hand.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Petroleum In New Zealand.

The government of New Zealand is
encouraging the development of petro-
leum deposits in the islands, which
constitute its domain. 1t has paid one
company $4S.665 for the first 100000
gallons of petroleum produced One
field on the west coast of the South
island contains, 1t is estimated, at
least 3S,O00,O00 gallons of crude OIL
in shale. Other prospects are to be
investigated soon with government as
sistanca
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17

The author of Trivia" writes:
"What bore it is waking up in the
morning always the same person" We
had often fretted over this, until the
shudder-giving thought struck us that
we might wake up some morning and
find Ourself the kaiser. And it would
be just our luck to be Bill on the day
Of retribution.--B Transcript.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
NathanIeps "Iinxn Active.

Nathaniel Ripple had a terrible ex-
perience one afternoon when he was
about twelve years old. He opened the
doors of the buggy house and was
backing the buggy in when the wind
blew both doors shut. He propped
them open with small sticks. but just
as he reached the buggy tongue one
of the sticks fell and the doors came
around far enough to stop the buggy.
A moment later Grandpa Ripple, who
had just come down to the barn, said !:
whats that you are saying, Nathan
ielY-Kansas City Star.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Music,s Value on National Life.

There is an old saying bad men
have no songs" The constantly in
creasing interest In music among the
masses of this continent is treinen-
dous influence for improving the ma
tional life in our own country and that
Of our neighbors.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
The RInht Shirt.

President John Grier. Hibben Of
Princeton said the other day:
at costs $4,000 to make an airman,
and no airman should be foolishly
reckless, for his country can't afford
to lose him.
II like to think Of the Princeton boy
who was asked, when he went from
his training camp to the front:
"'Well, are you prepared to die for
How He Had Benefited.
Chatty Waiter (to well-known GUS
toner who is growing stouter)-'T am
sure, sir, that your stay down here is
doing you good; you're twice the gem
tleman you were when you came"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
How He Had aenefited.


young De Swift says he is ashamed
of the way his father made his
money" Instead of that he ought to
be ashamed of the way he spends it."
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Ma,u nrlII for oil walls

A submersible electric motor which
grips the sides of the well casing fea-
lures new rotary drill for oil wells
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
The Real Trouble.

Jaid the almost philosopher: many
couple obtains divorce ON the
grounds of incompatibility when the
trouble was an excess of combatibil-
y."-Indianapolis Star.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-09-17
Daily Thought.

Thought once awakened does not
again slumber.-Carlyle.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
NAUGHTY GERTRUDE
SHOWS MEADE SHE
WEARS ONLY SOCKS

CAMP MEADE, Nd, May 2;.-Ger-
rude-McCoy. the moving picture star,
who visited camp while Maeterlinck's
The Blue Bird" in which she was
a leading character, was being shown
was asked IL it was true that she
was wearing only socks
ITS true" she said and then she
lifted her skirt high enough to show
where the socks terminated. pend
ing several hours in camp she en-
countered enough dust to make a
good, warm bath something more i'm
portant than a luxury. While in camp
she spoke to groups of soldiers and
told them that she hoped to be in
France soon driving her ambulance
The Blue Bird" was shown at the
Knights of Columbus buildi-g and
Miss Mccoy spoke there. she also
spoke at the Hebrew Welfare building
near by and to other groups Of SOL
diers.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
Congress- Did N2aa yesterday II

Senator La Toilette His Defense Against Expulsion
men and Brief Of His Attorney Before the Senate Committee Of
Privileges and Elections Open Session PrOfeering and
Property Rights the District Of Columbia = The Salisbury
Resolution Talked Over" Into Conference Sherman on Civic
asiy-he House Committee Of the Whole" Converts the
Emergency Food Appropriation Into white Elephant abb
lion and Half for the NaV-The Census Of 192OSusan B.
Anthony Suffragists Charged With Political Naggng."
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Senator La Toilette was represented
before the committee by. his attorney,
Gilbert E. Roe, of New York. During
the present session. while from month
to month. the committee has post
poned action. Mr.. La Toilette, when
present has been conspicuous in the
Senate only through his almost un-
broken silence. Perhaps there could
have been no better answer to his ac-
cusers, even II. as some suppose, its
result was the forfeiture Of leader
ship which might otherwise have been
thrust upon him
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Senator Salisbury, instructed by
the District OF Columbia Committee
attempted to secure agreement by
the Senate in the House amendments
to the Salisbury resolution. intend
ed to hold Washington profiteefs in
check by staying eyictions until Con-
gress can act on a general bill But
as all the opposition to the original
passage of the resolution vas revived
in debate, he was obliged finally 20
move for the appointment OF a COM
mittee OF conference With the House.
As this was the conclusion :or che
day. it was developed that as Ear as
debate can check action at every
subsequent stage, the whole subject
WILL Be dehAtad -OUAS again. This
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
TWO THOUSAND TURKISH
TROOPS JOIN MUTRVEERS

ATHENS. May 22-rur<ish troops at
Aidin, in Asia Minor. have mutinied
Two thousand soldiers sent from Menls-
sa, twenty miles northeast OF Smyrna. to
quell the disturbances have deserted.
Numerous desertions also are reported
from the coast garrisons. Repression OF
the movement has been entrusted to
Essad Pasha. of Janina
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
WHO WILL WIN HIGH
SCHOOL CADET DRILL?

Capt. Charles w. Stose, Of
Company H, Central High
School, who lives at s01
Taylor street, says:C
'T cannot predict which
company will win the COM
petitive drill June "a. |
hope my company will win
it, of course. Company
H is doing its level best,
and that is all that can be
expected of anyone"
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
POSLAM MADE
TO HEAL YOUR
BROKEN-OUT SKIN

II YOU attend to PImples, Rashes
nd all skin troubles with Poslam.
nd do so promptly, they will not
levelop and spread.
Unless you have actually seen
Poslam's work and know how read
ly IL takes hold, stopping the Itch
ing at once, you will hardly believe
Is effects possible in so short
lime.
In Eczema, Poslam's action ap-
7ears all the more remarkable when
: he trouble is persistently stubborn
nd nothing else seems to bring
lasting relief. POslam Is harmless
always.
Sold everywhere. For free sample
write to Emergency Laboratories,
e43 West 4Tth St, New York City. .
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Mr. Roe did develop this, however,
in his argument that 1t was the right
OF a Senator to oppose. any given
policy, proposed for the country;
that it was not disloyalty to the
United States to oppose an Admins
tration in power, and that the ad-
vOcacy OF peace was in its nature no
more disIoyal than the advocacy Of
war. He pointed out, however,
that when the country was fully COM
mitted to war, Mr.. La Toilette had so
far acquiesced that his attitude was
not comparable in opposition to that
OF Lincoln in the Mexican war, OF
John Bright in the Crimean war, OF
Lloyd George in the Boer war, and
OF Pitt and Fox, in the British Par
ish Parliament, opposing the war
against the American colonies.
On the issue Of Mr.. La FolIette's
speech, he said that the question,
How about the Lusitania?" was in
terjected from the audience, and that
the answer given by Mr.. La Toilette
was aside from the tenor and purpose
OF the speech-which, in any event,
did not constitute a "cause OF action"
for expulsion OF the Senate. Bearing on
the right OF free speech, he briefed
various notably cases, and cited the
vote OF Lincoln during the Mexican
war, supported by Alexander H.
Stephens, o! Georgia, who denounced
the unparalleled duplicity" OF the
Polk Administration.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Much historical interest, not yet
developed in connection with this
case. belongs to that OF Humphrey
Marshall, cited as the first precedent,
when. on the demand OF his enemies
in Kentucky, the Senate declined to
expel Marshall. Its judgment was
fully vindicated by proof. compare
lively recent but complete, that Gen
eraI wilkinson, the real instigator OF
the plot against Marshall, was a
paid agent, a SPY OF the Spanish gov
ernment, drawing a salary from
Spain for using his influence TO con
troll Kentucky politics, and, as far as
possible, the policies Of the United
States in the West. Spain finally fur
nished this information from its
archives, so that after the lapse OF
century, what some suspected OF the
real nature Of wilkinson's patriotic
interest in the purity OF the Senate
became known beyond doubt
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
By W. V. BYARs.

The Senate Committee on Privileges
and Elections, with Mr. Pomerene OF
Ohio in the chair, gave its first open
hearing yesterday in the case of SEN
ator Robert N. La Toilette Of wiscon-
sin, whose expulsion from the Senate
on the charge IOf dislOyalty is de-
manded by the Minnesota commits
sion OF public safety"
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Mr.. Roe based his argument on a
very able and learned brief. review
ing first the supposed cause OF &C
tion," and the precedents of. the Sen
ate In deciding demands for the ex-
pulsion Of its members, beginning
with the case of Humphrey Marshall,
Of kentucky, in 1856, and including
all other cases until the close Of the
civil war.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

Any one who wishes to male a
"profiteering" in American politics
especially in connection with world
politics"-cOuId hardly make a bet
ter beginning than with Wilkinson
and his associates against Marshall
The La Toilette speech did not go
back OF civil war prohteering. but it
is much older.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

OF these the case Of Humphrey
Marshall is perhaps the most inform
ing. but except from the standpoint
Of the lawyer and the student OF his
tory in minute detail, all served
rather to obstruct than to develop the
issue before the committee-as that
OF the privileges of the Senate"
rather than the "disloyalty" Of Sen
ator La Toilette
The Washington times., 1918-05-22
3 Women! Stop Corn Pain!
J Few Drops and Corns Lift Out
Don't hurt bit! Cincinnati man discovers
drug that works miracles-No humbugl

drops on your tender, aching
corn or eallus. instantly
the soreness disappears and
shortly you will find the
corn OF callus 20 shivelsd
and loose that you can lift
it of with the fingers.
Just thinkl You get nd
Of . hard corn, soft corn o.
corn between the toes, e
well as hardened ealluse8
without suffering one par
tiele. FreeEone Is magiel
Keep It on dresser.
The Washington times., 1918-05-22

may perhaps be germane to add that
the bill is not entitled "An act to pro-
mote the art of mathematical men
dacity. and for other purposes"