The Redwood gazette., 1918-04-17
1orChy Lands
A Shy One
(By Sewell Ford, creator of the
"Torchy" stories)

(By Sewell Ford, creator of the
"Torchy' stories)
Course, it's all right, l amt beefn'.
But it was playin' it kind of low down
on a perfectly good private sec Old
Hickory don't even flicker an eye as
ne hands me this slip of paper with
a name and address on it.
'Torchy," says he, "just look UP
this Mr.. z. K. Barker, will you, and
get his subscription to the Third
Loan?''
eyes, sir" says I, maxim noise
like brisk business. "Got him down
for anything special?"
Lets see," says Mr.. Ellins, con-
sultin' list. ooh, say about five
thousand"
Give, right" says l, salutin' snap
py. And l breezes down towards the
Produce Exchange hummin' merry
air. That is, meant it merry. All
I'd stopped for was to look up Bar
ker's ratin'. Good? Wish l had one
like it. Cotton broker. And you know
how those boys have been coinin' it
the last year or so. Ta-ta-ta-a-a, te-
dee-da- a-da-d-a-a!
And then | runs up against this
peevish gink guardin' the inner door.
''Mr. Barker is very busy, ver-ruh
busy" says he, scowlin' hostile.
"Ah save that old stuff to crush
some agent WITH" says l. Hell be
buster yet when he finds Pm here.
Rush in the car, Harold, so he won't
be wonderin' what delayed me.''
"What do you wish to see him
about?" demands the Peeved One.
"About three minutes" says i.
E"And you might add, if your tongue
amt handcuffed, that I'm represen;- :
in the Corrugated Trust on a little
government deal that runs into hlg
figures
Uh-huh! That fetches him. A flw
more ticks of the clock and Pm in
leanin' against the big mahogany
desk gettin' closeup of z. K. Bit
say, if it hadn't been for Old HicA-
ory himself givin' me this steer, al,d
him chairman of the subcommittee e,
[ might have thought there'd been
some mistake. This Barker par "
don't look like a ready loosen +.
Hardly. Narrow set eyes, mouth lie
a crack in the pavement, and sigus
of a bristly disposition all over l. IS
map.
"Well?" he demands. "What SOFT
of government contract is this ?"
Export" says I. "Sendin' stop
7 ers for Bill the brute"
'Wha-a-at?" he growls. "Wha l.
dlemean?"
ooh, the one we're all in," says I.
"You know-Liberty bond stuff. You
sign here"
This time it wasn't even a growl.
It's gurgle. And his neck tints up
like turkeys. "Gr-r-r-r!" says he.
Get out! Take it away!"
''It amt death warrant, Mr.. Bar
ker," says 1. "It's just an applica-
tion blank for
81 don't want any fool Liberty
bonds," he snarls, assaultin' the dc. SIX
blotter with his fist. "I've told YOU
people that a dozen times. Now, why
the
"That's just it, 1 butts in. eyes,
probably that's why I'm here. Odd,
amt it?"
''It's a blinkety-blanked outrage,
that's what it isl" he shouts. cam |
to be bounded like this? Don't l know
my own mind? I don't believe in war,
anyway. Pm not going to help IL
nance one, either. Not me. Why
should I buy"
"My cue," says I. Thanks. got
more answers to that than there are
hairs on dogs tail. With your kind
permission I'll shoot a few. How
much would your business be worth
if you didn't have Uncle Sam bas k
of it, or the British and French bask
of him? Where would it be now if
the U-boats wasn't bein' hunted so
hard? You know. You'd be beggin'
the Middle West farmers to buy ri-
cent cotton to bed down their cows
with. Now, wouldn't you?"
"Humph!" says Barker, registeria'
scorn. 'That's what our governments
for, to protect commerce. pay my
taxes, don't II"
eyes," says I, "and maybe some
of it goes toward payin' the police.
But if a strong-arm gang should raid
your block some night, sew the COP
in sack, break in next door, and be-.
gin robbin' and murderin' your neigh.
bors, includin' women and kids, woula
you shut down your windows and
gaze calm at your last years tax
receipt? No. You'd grab your auto
matte, or the fire tongs, and wade
right into the muss. That's what the
.. S. A. has done. And by spring
there'H be a million or more fine
young chaps-every one of 'em some
body's boy-over there takin' a
chance at being plugged; while you"
"I'm beyond the age limit" puts
in Barker.
s'Your dollars ain't," says I. "And