davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
SAW SMALL CHANCE TO SAVE
Enlisted Man Evidently Had the
Spending Instinct Developed to
q Remarkable Degree.

Difficulties of soldiers who formerly
were successful business men, In pay
ing last years income tax on this
years pay are illustrated by a story
brought to Washington by an officer
serving at one of the Southern canton
ments.
Last February, the officer said, he
explained to the men of his command
that all married men would have to
pay tax on all their last years earn
ings over $1,000, while unmarried men
would have TO pay on all incomes over
$1,000.
Coming to him later one of the men,
q private, said:
II guess won't be able to pay that
income tax. haven't any money"
"Oh, that'es all right" replied the
officer, "yOu'll have until June to pay
It and you can save it out of your pay
by that time"
81 am afraid couldn't" responded
the private, II made $4,000 last year
and l blew 1t all when | was called in.
to the army"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
A New Sentry.

A lieutenant at Camp Grant was rid
ing past q guard the other night, and
at the usual command to halt he stop
ped his horse and stood there. How
ever, the guard didn't say another
word, and after short time the lieu
tenant burst out with: "Well, what
arc you making me stand here for?
Expect me to stay here all night2"
The guard answered: swell, didn't
know what to say next. I've only been
here for a week."
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

poiling them at all. 81 make them
grab for their own food, and 1 always
try to grab first" she said. "No, I'm
n regular pig, and so l don't spoil
them"
Every well, 1 will tell them," said
Mr.. Lazy Pig.
So Mrs. Lazy Pig, Lawrence Lazy
Pig, Lefty Lazy Pig, and four other
Lazy Pig children listened while Mr..
Lazy Pig told his story.
"We had the usual family name Of
pigs" he said, until short time ago.
ave were fed and fed-ah, such
goodies as we had, and nothing seemed
to make us fat. That was the great
joke over which your mother, Mrs.
Lazy Pig, and I were laughing about
when you asked the meaning of the
family name.
''The farmer couldn't understand why
we didn't grow fat, for he was fat
tening us up so we would sell for good
big sums of money and make him rich.
'But we didn't grow fat! No, we
didn't! That's a joke, eh? And why
didn't we grow fat? We don't know
or If we dove won't tell, for that is
our secret. And the farmer most cer-
tainly doesn't know what keeps us
from growing fat.
eff he did know he would give US
whatever would make us fat, yes, he
IFouldl But we stay thin and still we
eat and eat and eat.
"Ah, what good meals we have, for
the farmer still hopes we will grow
fat, but we won't for we are the Lazy
Pigs.
"Yes, after the farmer saw that no
matter what he did and no matter
what he gave us to eat that we still
wouldn't grow fat he named US the
Lazy Pigs and so we call ourselves
the Lazy Pigs, for we think it's fine
name.
"Ah, it's our great secret, to eat a
lot and stay thin, and you all seem to
understand the secret too, and wen
all fool the farmerr'
"Instead Of being disrespectful or
rude to you, Daddy" said Lawrence
Lazy Pig, 1--WE think you are very clev.
er to be successfully lazy pig"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Did This Ever Happen to Your

N'N dbNo -NSi tsdpPSh "
A North side club woman, promi-
nent in d. A. r. and other circles, went
picnicking with a group of friends on
the Fourth of July. In the course of
the day one of the other women lost
her handkerchief, and the d. A. r.
member generously lent an extra one.
A few days ago the handkerchief was
returned by the borrower. 1t was a
daintily embroidered square with
hearts and flowers intertwined with
the letter "W."
There are no "W's" in the family Of
the ID. A. r. woman. She took 1t with
some surprise and said: "Why, that
isn't my handkerchief"
II know 1t isn't" was the quick re-
ply. 'But it's the one that you lent
to me. noticed it at the time."-
Indianapolis News.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
The Individual and the State.

'Do you think satisfactory arrange
ments can eventually be made with
Germany concerning armament and
trader"
"Well," answered Broncho Bob, II
don't prented to be any international
statesman. But / don't see why Ger
many couldn't be regulated the same
us Cactus Joe. Cactus Joe was an aw-
full worrisome man till we passed an
ordinance instructin' the sheriff to
shoot him on sight if he was caught
carryin' weapon and jailin' any deal
er who sold him a stack of poker
chips"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
W. N. u., ST. LOUIS, NO. 4o--191s.
Superdoduinu,

In New York a draft dodger in his
questionnaire listed more than 20 Oe-
cupatlons, saying he had worked at
them for certain stated periods total.
ing 213 years. Among these jobs were
accountant, blacksmith. boOkkeepeT,
machinlst, engineer, typewriter, stu
dent, clerk, teacher, ship designer. fac
tory hand, foundry man, draughtsman,
auto repairer, patternmaker and paint
er. The government decided that he
would be a handy man TO have around
in spite of his estimated age.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
lis Acid Stomach
That Makes Millions
Sick and Suffer

ilation. 1t is the right way to be well
and keep strong, Ordinary medicine
won't do any lasting good. The best
they can do Is to spur up your appetite
for awhile.
A modern remedy makes Il possible
to remove excess acid without the slight
est discomfort. II Is called EATONIO,
In the form OF pleasant tasting tablets.
Their action in the stomach Is a good
deal like u piece OF blOttlng paper taking
mp a drop OF ink-they literally absorb
the injurious excess acid aud carry Il
away through the intestines.
Begin using EAToNIo right now
today-and get on the road TO bounding,
vigorous. vibrant health. Thousands
upon thousands OF people who hare
used EATONlC are enthusiastic la its
praise, They say they never dreamed
that anything could bring them such
Qrick relief.
EAToNIC Is fully guaranteed. Your
druggist will give you a big box for only
80 cents with the distinct understanding
that II yOu are not pleased In every way,
you get yoyr 70 cents back. II you can't
get EArONlC where you nve-send ue
your name and address; we win send
you a lfty cent box and yUu can send
" the soc when you Get a.. Address
katonie Remedy o.. GuntheF Bldg. Chi
eago. III.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
ADDYSEVENINC
ARY TALL GNl
~ M6pY CDAUAM BONNER.
LAZY PIGS.
y MARY RAHAMR RONNER

"Ha, ha," grunted Mr.. Lazy Pig.
"Ha, ha," squealed Mrs. Lazy Pig.
"Ha, ha, ha," squeaked the little
pigs.
Now the pigs belonged to farmer
who had thought they would be fine
for eating later on. He had bought
Mr.. and Mrs. Pig and the little pigs
had arrived at the pig-pen some lit
tie time after. They were Mrs. Pigs
! own little pig darlings and she real
ly quite loved them. 1t is not always
the case that mother pig will love
her little ones.
"Why did we ever get the name Of
the Lazy Pig family?" asked Lawrence
Lazy Pig.
"a very good reason, ha, ha,"
laughed Mr.. Lazy Pig.
"a most excellent reason, ha, ha,"
squealed Mrs. Lazy Pig, delightedly.
"But we'd like to know what the rea-
son may be-" asked Lefty Lazy Pig.
"Shall we tell the children?" asked
Mr.. Lazy Pig.
whatever you say" answered Mrs.
Lazy Pig.
ave wouldn't, of course. want them
to be disrespectful," said Mr.. Lazy
Pig.
"What's that2" asked Lawrence Lazy
Pig.
"He can't be disrespectful IL he
doesn't know what it MEANS" said Mrs.
Lazy Pig.
"Oh yes, he can" said Mr.. Lazy Pig.
HE knows the way to be disrespect-
full even if he doesn't know the mean
ing of the word. It's too large a word
for him-that's ALL"
''That's So" agreed Mrs. Lazy Pig.
"What- does 1t mean?" asked Law
renee Lazy Pig once more.
1T means rude, rude to your elders,"'
said Mr.. Lazy Pig.
sand if knew why we were called
the Lazy Pigs would l be more apt
to be rude than if didn't know?" he
asked.
"Would that be the case?" asked
Lefty Lazy Pig.
'I'm not sure" said Mr.. Lazy Pig.
"You might as well tell the Children
Mrs. Lazy Pig said.
You're always spelling them," said
Mr.. Lazy Pig.
But Mrs. Lazy Pig shook her snoot
which meant that she wasn't always
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
ELECTRIC Pencil.

A new electric pencil for marking or
writing on any polished steel or iron
surface is operated as readily as an
ordinary pencil. A stepdown trans.
former connects it 70 a lighting socket,
and as the point of the pencil is drawn
over the steel, the resistance to the
passage of the current develops great
heat, etching the surface at the point
of contact. A rheostat gives control
of the depth of etching.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Are Your Hands IdIe7

Patriotism has rarely had SO many
practical ways of manifesting itself as
in the present time. Sometimes we
have felt that for the most OF us II was
largely talk. but now the way has been
made so plain that anyone who is
ready to help has the opportunity to
do so. If any pair of hands is idle
1t is because they choose to be so.
The chance to work and the chance 70
sacrifice are privileges open to all.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
No Trouble With Steering Gear.

Laird was used to automobiles, tri-
cycles, and the like, but knew little
about horses. In the summer a neigh
Dor boy, who had acquired n pony,
came over to share his pleasure.
Laird's ride was a great delight to him.
Rushing to his mother and expressing
his happiness he said: "And, mother,
I could steer him all right, too"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

Life Is dark-not worth much to the
man or woman with an acidstomaeh.
Acid.stomach kills Hope. Ambition.
Energy, Courage. II saps the strength
OF the strongest body-impoyerIshes the
blOOd--causes untold suffering - makes
millions weak, unlt and brings on pre-
mature old age.
Millions of people are weak and unit,
suffering all the time, In one way or an
other. frOm superaeidity or aeid-stOmach.
They dca't seem dangerously sick.
Just alling, Going through life weak.
listless, dragging one foot after another.
They're nervous aud irritable; lack pow
er and punch. trequently have severe
attacks OF hlindiug. splitting headaches;
subject TO dts OF melancholia and men.
tai depression. And nearly always their
siomachs are out OF order. even though
many experience no actual stomach
pains digestion poor--neVer getting
anywhere near the full strength from
their food
SO, you see. it's just this---aeid. .stOm-
ach-that Is holding 50 many people
hack sapping up the strength they
shOnld get from their food--taking away
their vigUr and vitality-leavlnR them
weak ana iaeifcieat.
Get rid ~ tine excess acid. That's
the secret OF good health aud IL the only
way 10 obtain good digestion and essim-
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Just for Two MinutcsI

A burly black scrapper saw his first
German in camp Of prisoners. Re
looked them over incredulously, with
a look of great amazement on his
face.
"You mean to tell me them measly
boneheads is Germans2" he demanded.
''Hand me shovel, man. and let me
In theah for two minutes"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Not WHAT ae Was Looklna For.

"Have you anything for meY' asked
Billy of the postman.
'No, but I've got something for your
mother" answered the mail man. "Will
that dor
mo" answered Billy. yesterday /
had birthday, aud ! had much peo-
pie, but no presents"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
~ yvo-r,. n . H.aI,hv CbJId

No Worms In q Healthy Child
All children troubled with worms have an un-
healthy color, which Indicates poor blood, and as
rule there iS more less stomach disturbance
GROVES TASTHLESS chill TONIC given regularly
for TWO or three weeks will enrich the blood, inn
provo the Digestion and act a General Strength
enins Tonic 70 the whole system. Nature VII then
IN perfect health Pleasant 70 take. 6Oc per bottle
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Beyond self.controI.

"DOes Bliggins ever speak the
truthT
"There's chance that he does. !
am told he talks In his sIeep."
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
Passlna Messaaes Of Love.

Pass along the message of love ip
kind words and helpful deeds.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
TaIk Ie Mere Rubble

Mere talk is a bubble; words backed
10 by character are solid granite.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

Try Freezonei Your druggist sells a
hny bottle for a few cents, sufficient to
rid your feet of every hard corn, soft
corn, or corn between the toes, and
calluses, without one particle of pain,
soreness or irritation. Freezone is the
discovery of a noted Cincinnati genius.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

- Drops" Astcr the Movies. Motorng or Golt
will win your oonfdsnce. Aek Your Druggist
orAuFine when your Eyes Need Care. M-h
Murine Eye Rexnedy Co.p Chicago
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

A horse isn't any heavier when he is
led.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17

When Baby is TeethinR
GROVES BABY BOWEL MEDICINE will correca
the Stomach and Bowel troubles. Perfectly harm
less. See directions on the bottle.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-10-17
A wholesome. Cleansing.
Refreshing and Healing
a Aa n

ness, Soreness. Granuia-
ton, Itching and Burning
of the Eyes or Eyelids;
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Tommles Surprise italy.

Whole battalions Of Thomas At
kinses, now that the long-expected
snowfall has buried the Austro-Ger-
mans In deep Alpine drifts, have been
paying visits to the Milan opera house
and receiving immense ovations. By
way of acknowledgment Tommy gave
the laurel-crowned Tipperary," and
created sensation, as well he might,
In that sacred mecca Of italian opera.
Flowers were showered upon him In
most embarrassing fashion. The rea-
son Of this delicate attention may be
the kits, at which the people gaze in
undisguised amazement. One veteran
peasant exclaimed: "Fancy, women as
well ns men 20 to war in that country,
and yet they look as though they would
make mincemeat Of the Germans" Lit
tie wonder that some Of these killed
"ladies" received not only flowers, but
equally embarrassing bisses.-Chris-
tan Science Monitor.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Japanese TIaer Hunters.

Tadasaburo Yamamoto, one Of ia
pans most wealthy men, who hrs Inn
mense shipping interests, returned re-
Gently from tiger hunt III the 10
rean mountains. Mr.. Yaman'oto had
with him 200 friends and professional
sportsmen who are experts with the
rifle. They left Tokyo on November
15 and established head1 1orters at
Gensang, small port OH the northern
coast Of the Sea Of J0paA. The ex-
perienced sportsmen w9rs distributed
among the amateurs In the party, so
that everybody was glyen I'm oppor-
tunity to bag what gan WAS encoux,-
tered.
Mr.. Yamamoto anl his party re-
turned recently from the hunt after
several successful weeks in the
Korean mountains ara has been feast
'ng his friends on tiger steaks and
other dishes from yhe game brought
home.-New York Iserald.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
The Ex-Czarjna.

rub my eyes when / read that the
czarina Is deeply scheming, intri-
guante who had ambiguous relations
with Rasputin and aimed at the Sue
cess of Germany over the country she
had adopted by marriage as her own.
1t Is only necessary to cast my mem
DRY back to the time when was just
entering womanhood and Princess
Alexandra Alix was girl some ten
years my junior. Certainly l knew
the shy, reserved simple child well
enough to realize that she had not
the mental development for any form
Of intrigue. Residence at Bucking-
ham palace under the keen critical
eye Of an august grandmother, an
eye that nothing could possibly es-
cape, did not make for striking indi-
viduality, nor did the quiet simple
ity Of the German home, and the prin-
cess grew up beneath the double bur-
den of surveillance and etiquette
sharing the quiet intellectual life Of
an adored mother. Yet she had GER
tain measure Of high spirits, loved
tennis and dancing, and having tuned
her life to play its small part in the
great household orchestra, seemed
happy enough.-The Bookman.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
AMUSING PIECE OF NERVE"
How Cool impudence Of Young British
Naval Officers Relieved Ten.
sion Of Situation.

In Facing the Hindenburg Line"
by Burris A. Jenkins, may be found
number Of Incidents In which naval
men prove their GOODNESS and heroism.
Nobody knows all the stories Of cool
ness and heroism among the naval
men, says the author. We shall not
learn them till the war is over. but
here is one that perhn>s the censors
will allow to go by. Il vas told by
medical officer who was aboard the
FranconIa when she was sunk acting
as transport.
I'VE had five or six naval officers
aboard. They were sitting In the
smoking room-remember the smoking
lounge In the old Franconia? 1t was
very long, as long as this dining room
and twice as broad. They had just
ordered whisky sodas. Suddenly there
was an explosion and the steel floor
Of the smoking room just buckled up
and burst apart in the middle Of the
ship. One Of those officers called the
steward and said:
81 ask you to witness, steward, that
we have paid for these whisky sodas
and have not had time to drink them
'Then the rascals went below, got
On their lifebelts. came back again,
asked the steward for big sheet Of
foolscap, wrote out long, we, the
undersigned setting forth That they
had ordered six whisky sodas. for
which they had paid ydne shillings,
with sixpence tip, an1 had not been
allowed to drink thea. Thereupon they
entered q claim against the British
government fer the nine shillings and
sixpence, with accrued interest from
date. Then they walked in body up
to me bridge and handed 1t to the skip
per. The old man told me afterward
he never was so grateful to anybody
as to these cool young devils for the
steadying and bucking up influence Of
their impudence."
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28

sisters. If woman Is borne down
by the weakness and sufferings Of wom-
ankind. she should be helped by a
herbal tonic made with glycerin
which has had such uniform success
during the past half century. She
should be toell, instead Of sick and
suffering; healthy and rigorous, In
stead Of worn-out and weak; bright
eyes, clear skin, rosy cheeks--you
wouldn't think 1t was the same worn
an, and It's all due to the use Of q
few bottles Of DR.. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription. All druggists. Tab
lets or liquid. Tablets, COO.
What this medicine has done for
thousands Of delicate women, 1t Will
do for you. II you're over-worked
and debilitated. It will build you up
IL you're borne down with the chronic
aches, pains and weaknesses peculiar
TO your Sex, 1t relieves and cures. 1t
regulates and promotes the proper
functions of womanhood. This old
and tried Prescription Of DR.. Pierce's
invigorntes the system, purifies the
blood. improves digestion, and restores
health, flesh and strength. Consult the
specialist mt DR.. Pierce's Invalids' Ho-
tel, Buffalo, n. Y. for free confidential
medical advice or for free book on
Women's disenses.-Adv.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Remove Smoke Stains.

The suggestion will be beneficial to
housewives who have not the conve-
gas fixtures. Frequently the ceiling
above an old-fashioned gas jet becomes
discolored from smoke and heat. The
discoloration may be removed II q
layer of starch and water Is applied
with a piece of flannel. After the
slightly with brush. No stain or mark
will remain.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Cstarrh Cannot Be Cured

by LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they
cannot reach the seat Of the disease
Catarrh is a local disease, greatly infiu-
enced by constitutional conditions. HALLS
CATARRH MEDICINE will cure catarrh
1t is taken internally and acts through
the Blood on the Mucous Surfaces of the
System. HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE
is composed of some of the best tonics
known, combined with some of the best
blood purifiers. The perfect combination
OF the Ingredients In HALLS CATARRH
MEDICINE is what produces such won
derful results in catarrhal conditions.
Druggists 75c. Testimonials free.
F. J. Cheney & Co. Props. Toledo, O.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Easy Solution o. Difficulty.

A pompous old gentleman upon
reaching his horne one evening found
the street blockaded and heap Of
earth piled against his doorstep. OBJ
serving workman welding his shovel
In nearby ditch, he accosted a pass
Ing policeman and complained that the
laborer was trespassing upon private
property.
"what do yez mean by throwing
dirt on tn gintleman's steps" demand
eu the Officer.
'There's no other place t throw 1t I"
replied the workman sudinerently.
"Well. thin In that case. yez had
better dig another hole an throw It In
therei"
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Human Peculiaritv.

It is interesting to read in the Jour
nal of Heredity: "The remarkable
grasping power Of Il newborn infant
is cited as the survival Of trait that
possessed life-and-death importance In
the treetops. Finally with reference
to the much-talked-about upright posi-
ton the author remarks succinctly
that the human child sits up before 1t
stands; the human stock sat up before
1t stood"
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28

my homework. Ny baby when seven
months old weighed 10 pounds and feel
better tlMn I have for long time. I
never had any medicine do me SO
much good. Mrs. PEARL MOUNTAIN.
Mitchell, Ind.
Good health during maternity Is .
most important factor to both mother
and child, and many letters have been
received by the Lydia e. Pinkham
Medicine Co, Lynn, Mass, telling OF
health restored during this trying period
by the use Of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
RECIPE FOR GRAY HAIR.

To half pint of water add ! OF. Bay
Rum, small box of Barbo Compound,
and x OF. of glycerine. Any druggist can
put this up or you can mix it at home at
very little cost. Full directions for max
ing and use come in each box Of Barbe
Compound. 1t will gradually darken
streaked, faded gray hair, and make it soft
and glossy. 1t will not color the scalp, is not
sticky or greasy, and does not rub Off. ADV.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
----,-
Natural Conduct.

1.-THE man who started out to put
politics on moral basis Is com
plaining that people are making game
Of him."
"What else could he expect when he
went on such wild-goose chase!
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28

England women are Luh-
ing up the work OF men
resolutely, and have
shown their ability to do
almost all kinds Of work.
When 1t becomes neces-
sary women will show
their worth In countless
shops, stores, factories
and Offices. No one hears
them complain Of their
hard work. These are
the days when American
men have cause to re-
spect, love and honor
their mothers, wives and
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
Strenath In Truth.

We think that we shall win truth
by striving after strength, instead of
knowing that we shall gain strength
Just in the degree that we become true.
Phillips Brooks.
Philip weekly review and Bad River news. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1912-1918, 1918-02-28
No Older Than Your Face.

Is true in most cases. Then keep your
face fair and young with Cuticura
Soap and touches Of Cuticura Oint-
ment as needed. For free samples adj
dress, "Cuticura, Dept. x, Boston"
Sold by druggists and by mail. Soap
Is. Ointment 25 and 5O.-Adv.