Crittenden record-press., 1918-03-28
! SIMpkINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT MeBLAIR.

IN imagination, the khaki-clad lads OF
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles Of sea to
Eight, maybe die, for liberty.
Mr.. Simpklns peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages Of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him. then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for salute.
But his gouty shoulder twinged, and he
groaned. He couldn't even salute.
Damn - said Mr.. SlmpkIns and
with bis other hand fercely twlrled his
white mustachos
He turned and llmped into the II
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment blanks which he had rather
! grumpIly got from the Internal Reve-
I nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to Just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
tect OF taxes ever since he had dlscov-
cred that the more income man has
the greater the percentage Of 1t he
pays In taxes. He could think OF sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
ried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half of his, they would pay only a
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filling In the information
that II asked for.
As Mr.. Simpklns' income was S15,0
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each OF the successive smaller
classes OF incomes in order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes, that s, single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar.
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay 2 per cent. (under
the 1916 law on all income over
$1,000, deducting 5000 for each Of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpkins' case this was S212, which he
put down In the payable" column.
He saw next that. under the 1917
law, married men pay al additional 2
per cent. on all over s2,000-with the
same allowance for children. This
added S252 to his payable" column.
lie then observed that for every
$500 jump In his income over $1,000
he had TO pay Surtax. the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden
And on top OF all this came an "Ex.
cess Profits" tax OF per cent. on all
Occupation" income over $4,000, max.
Ing S720 more.
The total, then, he must pay was four.
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Whew!" exclaimed Mr.. Slmpkins
nngrily. There's young Henry VIII
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl,
Ee makes $1,000 and he doesn't pay a
cent of taxes guess this is his war
as well as mine"
Thinking Of Young Henry wilkins
hc "''"r"'hored that Mrs. wilkins went
c',,y ate "on TO make bnndages for
the Red t.,ss and that Henry, who
was n lawyer. was aiding the Local
Draft Board witt rs Questionnalres.
"Well." he adMl'trl to himself,
"that makes differeurc'
He thought next Of Judge Willough.
by, whose income was about $1,000
ale only pays $50" commented Mr..
Smpkins, not quite so angrily this
time; and then thought struck him
and he sat up rlgidly In his chair,
Judge Willoughby's son had been
drowned on the Tuscania when II wa
submarine with the loss Of two hun
dred soldiers
Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America muttered Mr., Simpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face in his hands
For n long time Mr.. Slmpkins sat
very still In that position There was
no sound In the library except the
ticking OF the tall clock aud m occa.
sIonal triR OF laughter from the chill.
dren skylarklng upstairs The square
OF light on the carpet gradually with
drew Itself through the window. and
first twilight and then darkness settled
In about the quiet. white haired, some.
times lrascihe old man.
Mr. Simpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
Of, he was thinking things that wer,
,no sacred over to hr put into words
liut some inklng NJ his thoughts may
hr found In his rcioinder to Mrs
Smph,us when that placij lady cam,
~ md wrnrh IN the lights, and asked
MN wmN'lrr he was ready Tor dinner
'lndsr Willourhh''s only son wa.
worth ~ much rs fourteen hundred
md tlrtv.tom dollars, wasn't hep
Alr SmukirS demanded of her.
~ his wife who was NOT unused e
his superficial lrrlnfions. Watched hin
In mild ns,unishmcn, MIR Simpkin,
, limprd ont to the hail and took hi,
old felt hat and sl'vcrhcndcd can,
, from the hat rack Letting himself GU
into the foggy evening, he tapped hi
way down to the corner and mailed hi,
income tax statement and check will
his own hands.