Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1918-02-27
How Europe Was Made
Safe for Royalty
Icopyrlght, 1917. Western Newspaper union. j
By OSCAR cox

There was once principality some
where In Europe-the censor has taker
the principal points out of this story
whose territory consists of only q few
square miles. The prince being of the
blood royal and an associate on equal
terms with the other sovereigns of Eu
rope, was required to keep up their
style though he did it on an infinitely
small scale. He had one general, one
judge, one executioner. His army con.
sisted Of q hundred men divided into
ten companies consisting of ten men to
q COMPANY. Everything else vas on a
proportionate scale. But the general,
except when on duty, was butcher
the judge the only policeman in the
principality, and the soldiers were
lahorers. The executioner was the
parson officiating over the little church
20 by 30 feet in area, one-third of
which is taken up by the royal pew.
The parson was q meek little man in
competent to decapitate a chicken.
All worked we'll in the principality
for many years. There were no crimi-
nails to try, or to punish, the prince
spent his time visiting his royal rela-
tives, so that his living was provided
for, and the people, who were taxed
only to provide for the royal pocket
money, were happy.
Then suddenly came trouble. The
general Of the army was caught in the
act Of treason. A neighboring king,
whose territory consisted Of many mil
lions Of square miles, wanted the prin-
cipality for q pasture for his cows,
and bribed the general Of the prince
for a consideration, to let down the
bars of the fence inclosing the prince
ly territory, and admit the kings army
without resistance on the part Of the
princes forces. The plot being dis
covered in time, the other European
sovereigns frowned upon It and
stopped it. i, He'd It been carried
through they would have held q con
ference and in order that the peace OF
Europe might not be disturbed would
have winked at it. AS it was, the only
action required was to try the general
for high treason and cut off his head.
But the judge, who, it has been said,
was only a policeman, knew nothing
about law and was incapable of con-
Quoting q trial. The prince got over
the difficulty by ordering trial behind
closed doors; and when they were
opened q warrant was produced by
which the general was condemned to
death. 1t was taken to the prince, who
signed it, and the pen with which he
affixed his royal signature was sent to
the sovereign of the most powerful en-
pire as q token that imperialism was
absolute in the principality.
1t remained now only to carry out
the sentence by beheading the general.
A meeting Of the privy council was
held, at which it was unanimously
agreed that the eXecutloner could not
be relied upon to carry out the SEN
tence and the members deliberated
what was to be done In the premises.
One suggested that the general, being
q butcher, was far better fitted to cut
off his own head than the eXecutiOner,
who was a parson. WhereuQon another
memrer suggested that the two be sur
reptitIously made to change places and
the butcher be made to cut off the
head uf the parson. This would sat
isfy the powers.
But the prince who was a just Sow
ereign would not hear Of such nefG-
rious deed, and dismissed the council
saying that he would lay plan for
CARRYING out the sentence himself. Un-
til such time as he could find an exc
cutioner he would take the generals
parole and release him from conflne-
ment. The general willingly gave his
word not to leave the principally and
the next morning was to be seen peace
fully swinging his cleaver in his
butcher shop.
Now the king Of that country who
desired the principality for his cow
pasture-remember that this story has
been censored and oil names have been
deleted-nearing that the general was
engaged ut his usual business, sent
deputation to the prince to protest
against such q fragrant omission Of
royal duty to punish treason, repre-
senting that If such leniency were
practiced by the crowned heads Of Eu-
rope the world would at last be cursed
with all the horrors Of democracy.
To this the prince replied that rather
than see this he would consent to the
massacre Of every one Of his subjects.
The leader Of the deputation replied
to this that if the prince so desired his
royal master would send his own exc
cutioner to decapitate the general.
A few days later the kings execu-
toner arrived. His guard Of honor
numbered five hundred men armed
with the most deadly implements of
modern warfare. They took the gen.