davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
The DAILY nSSOULlAN
EerADlisHED 1878
SUNDAY, JANUARY ~, 1918.
.TELL THE TRUTH"

"Tell the truth and speed up the
war" said Colonel Theodore
Roosevelt on arriving at WASH
ington. Surely there can be no
harm in that. II the colonel and
Senator Chamberlain have not
told the truth, they can be easily
exposed by the administration.
Until the expose, why not let
calm prevail along with an
avoidance Of anything like hys-
terical anger and resentment
against certain earnest, patriotic
Americans who see things going
wrong and would remedy them in
time? This haste to brand hon
est critics as enemies of the re-
public carrys with it a strong
suspicion Of effort to cover things
I'D. We advise a careful reading
Of the Chicago Tribnne's views
on this matter, to be found else
where on this page.
"Tell the truth and speed up
the war" II is q good slogan. Lei
us not forget it.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
Americans Under Fire
By Albert Payson Terhune
A JOKE THAT CAUSED A BATTLE

The On of
hammock river the Union
both
tina
leader
Union
joke
Dear Avern:
a
This
~ - he learned of Fihugh Lees exact whereabouts then
PAYMENTS the
regiments kely's
Then AVeril zhugh
beyond cashed
a deadly
in
mel Of the crack
a
shows THAT The hammered sandstn
Rhode
regim tactics.
Blu
annihiaion his
to a following
coffee Hope enjoyed visit 1Iows
thath
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
Foy and Hitchcock

shortly after Raymond Hitchcock
raade his first big hit in New York.
Eddie Foy. who was also playing in
town. happened to be passing Days
theater. and paused to look at the pic
lures OF Hitchcock and his company
that adorned the entrance. Near the
pictures was a bill board covered with
laudatory extracts from newspaper
criticisms of the show.
When Foy had moodily read to the
bottom OF the list he turned to an I'M
obtrusive young man who had been
watching him out Of the corner Of his
eye.
Say. have you seen this show?" he
asked.
Sure" replied the young man.
ANY good? How's this guy Hitch
cock. anyhow"
ANY goods" repeated the young man.
pityinsly. Why. say, he's the bes, in
the business. He's got all these other
would-be side ticklers dashed to the
mast. He's u scream. Never laughed
50 much at anyone in my life."
rs he as good as Foy?' ventured
Foy. hopefully.
AS good rs f,oy!" The young mans
scesn MA superb. why, this Hitch-
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
TRY IT ON.

What are newspapers good for?
We know what you are going TO
say, but we will not print it. This
newspaper has to travel through
the mails. ....
Instead, we offer the novel and
timely suggestion of Henry w.
Blair. who was a United States
senator from New Hampshire so
long ago that most people have
forgotten him.
Mr.. Blair, one of many serious
minded citizens who are striving
with the coal problem, says that
old newspapers are fine substi-
tutes Tor blankets. One very cold
winter he slept warm as toast un-
der o cover of newspapers basted
TO the sheet, so that they would
keep in place. No. other covering
ylns needed. properly utilized
= ~ being read," says Mr.. Blair,
III qpapors would be worth
Iel tho. entire wool crop
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

II is our duty to give serious
heed to presidents call for greater
food saving. There has been too
much talk and too little practice
on the part of our people in this
matter. There has been enough
information to enable all Of us to
maintain our bodily health and at
the same time conserve food, and
there has been no end of warning.
II the food campaign has not met
with success, it is not because of
the failure of Mr.. Hoover, but be-
cause of our own sclfishness. Ii
we do not get in line we will be
rationed there. 1t must not be
thought that the president would
issue public proclamation on
this subject, unless it was neccs-
sary and the conditions were so
serious as to demand it.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
Alligator Steaks

One need not become excited over
the high cost Of beef while there is an
alligator handy. A steak from the
latter is n toothsome morsel. having
combined fish and flesh taste. writes
Professor A. NJ. Reese OF the Uni
versity of West Virginia in the Scienti-
fic Monthly. only prejudice stands in
the way of our making use of alligators
as well as lizards and all species of
turtles as food. The domestic lizard is
too small to be worth while. but South
America produces six footer. the
iguana, which is a famous delicacy.
We do not have to he told that green
turtle and diamond back terrapin are
good, but these are costly articles of
food. the price of a four pound terrapin
being about six dollars. The common
varieties. however. the loggerhead,
swapping and soft -shelled turtles are
also recommended. Do not feel sorry,
by the way. for the green turtles in
the markets because they are lying on
their backs: this Ii the only position in
which they can breathe out Of water,
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

1t is complicated blank the farmer
must fill out, and he can not too soon
begin its study. An income tax man
will be in the county seat in every
state between the first OF the year and
March l, when returns must be made.
to help fill out the return blanks. All
farmers should apply to local banks
for blanks and for help in filling them.
1t may be well to hold neighborhood
gatherings. so that weli-posted man
may give helpful instructions. This is
one winter job that the average farm
er will not relish. but it will teach
some of them more about their profits
than they ever knew before. And the
man who tries to dodge this tax will
surely find his later end worse than
his first.-BgeedeE's Ca1etteL
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
Not Fighting? Then Are
You Worth Fighting For?

Sid Says in the February American
Magazine:
There is something I want to say
about this war. Perhaps you will
think it's Il queer twist to the thing.
Anyhow. here it is:
The other day l heard discour-
aging remark of an able man in Chi
sage who for years was n bad drinker
Two years ago he quit absolutely. For
two years he has not taken a drop. He
has been cleaning himself up morally,
intellectually and physically. ! don't
know him personally--never talked
with him. But have seen him occa
sionally and with others have rejoiced
In his Improvement 1t has been an in
spiration just to look at him, just to
hear about the fight he was making
and winning
But now comes bad news. He has
lost the fight. He has given up the
struggle.
When I heard this felt almost as
bad, as I did when I heard the news
about the Germans beating the Italians.
Somehow, it was another victory Of the
| forces of evil over the forces OF good.
Somehow it made me consider the war
with more gloom. Somehow, it made
me think-'What is the use of the SOL
diers fighting and dying over there II
the fellows back home aren't going to
fight. too"
"All of which brings me straight to
the point
Never in your life has 1t been SO
| important as 1t is now that you, as an
individual, should pull your own life
/ up to the highest standards that you
can maintain. These are nerve acking
days. Civilization seems to be shaking
all around us. If we lose faith in our.
selves and in the race, We are indeed
lost. Every time we see a man doing
his individual job up to the top notch
of efficiency. we can have just that
much more confidence in the worth
Wilderness of the big struggle. Every
time We see man surrender to tn,
forces that wreck the individual we
suffer loss of just that much conf
dence.
so open your eyes to the truth and
realize that right now in these earl,
days of 1918 your acts are Of more
importance than they ever were be
fore.
The war is like n great fire. The
soldiers are the firemen. and the safe.
ty of the rest of. us is in their hands
After risking their lives for us. wha
are these soldier firemen going to fint
that they have saved-valuables o.
junk Think about this when 20,
look in the mirror"
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

There is enough substance to
the news from Austria to indi-
cate that the people are in very
grave state OF unrest, especially
at the two great cities Of the en-
pire--Vienna and Budapest. The
kaiser has held the Austrian gov
eminent in his hand, but it may
not be so easy to control the pco-
pie, especially those of Hungary,
who still retain some Of the spirit
and independence of Louis Kos
suth. While little information as
to internal conditions in Germany,
reliable and otherwise, has per-
colated through Holland, we have
heard almost nothing as to the
situation in the dual-cmpirc un-
Til now. If the people Of Austria
are determined upon separate
peace with the Bolsheviki gov
'ernment, we may easily believe
that Trotzky's success has
aroused the hopes and, perhaps,
the envy of the working classes in
Austria. Over the line they see
a country out of the war, with the
property of the rich confiscated
by the workers, and without re-
straint or authority. That state
Of affairs must cerainly appeal to
great many people who see the
condition, but not the theory. At
least, il will be enjoyable to some
while il lasts.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
Farmers Of America
and War Income Tax

Doubtless the war income tax will
start more farmers at bookkeeping
than all the appeals and seedlings that
have burdened the pages of farm liter
allure in generation. The married
farmer whose net income reaches $3.-
600 should now begin to figure, and
also the unmarried farmer whose net
income reaches $1,000. Living ex-
penses can not be deducted from the
amount received from sales or trades
nor can the farmer allow himself or
his family any wages and deduct that
aH0upt,s unless he has hired his sons
or daughters a. . stipulated cash wage.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

of this country. A vast industry
could be based on this suggestion.
The coal shortage would be
robbed Of half Of it's terrors If the
vast destruction of the childhood
growth of our forests in the form
of pulp were subsequently util-
lied into articles from those in
which it is now consumed
This suggestion is of more val
lie in the east where they have
winter. We offer it in good faith
to some of our disloyal readers
who frequently write that this
newspaper ought to be consigned
to the place where ice water sells
for a dollar a glass when it can
be had.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

Altogether Great Britain has
been in the war three and one
half years, and, in the nature of
things, ought TO be fully occupied
in supplying her own army. Yet it
was disclosed yesterday at Wash
ington that General Pershing was
instructed to purchase 100000
British uniforms for his Amer
lean troops along with 100000
blankets in Spain. \ few days
since, it was published that
Great Britain was shipping coal to
New York. 1t is this sort Of war
preparation on our part that has
aroused the criticism of Colonel
Roosevelt. causing him to be
termed by Stone as the "kaiscr's
most important aid"
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

At Baltimore a big power plant
and a cotton-duck mill, both en-
gagged upon government con-
tracts, were destroyed by fire on
Friday. Barges, piers, ware
houses and freight cars We're
burned close To a submarine fac
tory and the quartermastcr's
storehousc. yesterday at Newark
bay. Always, these fires are in
factories for the production of
war supplies, or in warehouses on
piers or docks or in ships. There
is no let-up in the war that Ger
many has carried on in our own
country and we wish, for a pleas
ant change, that we might read
of a few incendiary spies stood
up against a brick wall. There
has been a great deal of talk
about brick walls, but so far there
is no record of one having been
used for this particular purpose.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

cock has got that Foy person looking
like gloom. They're not in the same
class. Hitchcock's funny. 4 man with
feelings can't compare them. I'm sor-
~ you asked me. l feel so strongly
about it."
Eddie looked at him very sternly,
and then. in the hollow tone OF a ira
gedian. said:
Il am Foy."
Il know yon are" said the young
man cheerfully, I'm Hitchcock
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

Secretary Baker will go to bat
tomorrow and the country will
sit up until the last inning to see
whether he solves the inshoots of
the southpaw from Oregon.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
HITS FROM SHARP WITS.

II we had only acquired the saving
habit 9vears ago we would be indie
pendent men and women today.-Mem-
phis Commercial Appeal.
A conscience that il on the job
hasn't even a still small voice." it
gives sharp .commands.-Albany Jour
nal.
The Pacifists are unable to see q ray
of hope with an X-ray.-Deseret News.
Lots of girls who don't care espe-
ciaily for singing go to church because
OF the hims.-Philadelphia Record.
Money talks. but just at present We
have to strain our ears to hear IT,
Philadelphia Record;
Girls would be more attractive II 30
many. in adjoining themselves. didn't
have their minds entirely base.-Bing.
hamton Press.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
WHAT LINCOLN DID.

Our over-eager Democratic edi-
tors might find profit in studying
history, before comparing their
chief with Lincoln, who also was
criticized in war time.
There is, at least, one situation
that suggests very marked diff
ference Of methods. When Lin
coin was inaugurated in March,
1891, he appointed as his secre-
tary of war, Simon Cameron,
leader Of the new Republican or
ganization Of Pennsylvania, a
politician Of great ability, who
may be said to have been the
founder of q machine that has
gone down TO Pcnrose intact. As
many other presidents have done
before and since, Mr.. Lincoln
was almost forced to recognize
certain political obligations in
making this appointment. In
this connection, it may be
said that the remarkable
Democratic victory in Ohio in
1915 may have something to do
with the retention of Mr.. Baker,
who has a large following among
the disciples Of the late Tom
Johnson.
Mr.. Cameron was failure in
the war department and on jan
uary II, 1862, or less than a year
after his appointment, he was re-
lieved from office, and appointed
minister to Russia, position that
he did not hold long.
Mr.. Lincoln did not wait long,
when Mr.. Cameron's inefficiency
had been established, nor did he
confine his search for a real sec
rotary to his own party. Whom
did he appoint? A Democrat who
had been one Of the most caustic
critics of Mr.. Lincoln, Edward
NJ. Stanton of Ohio. What fol-
lowed may be quoted from a his
torian of that period:
''The wisdom Of the choice was
signally vindicated. The whole
system of the war office was in
efficient, and reorganization was
imperatively demanded. Stanton
brought to his work great execu-
tive ability, prompt decision and
a strong will, which made itself
felt through the whole military
service"
Thus it happened that a man
who voted against Lincoln in 1890
became his secretary of war in
1862, and one of the great
est cabinet ministers in all
the history of the United States
Under the direction of Mr.. Stan
ton, the war department became
a great, efficient and productive
machine. To Mr.. Stanton, no less
than to Grant, may be given credit
for crushing the rebellion and
making these United States a ma
ton that is today welded together
i'll terrific struggle to save all
the rights that we Americans
enjoy.
That is a record worth rcmcm-
herring, while the evidence Of Mr.
Bakers inefficicncy accumulatcS
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

If the Garfield close-down or
der was intended primarily as a
bomb to awaken the nation to the
war, then we must remove our
sombrcro to the doctor and de-
clare his work an entire success.
Admitting that to have been the
purpose for the east, we wonder
when our turn will come.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27
THE PLAIN THING.

He-"This scarcity of coal is ter
rible."
She-"Then why don't they plant
more Of a crop in the coal fields?' -
Baltimore American.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

Also, we recommend as a slo-
gan this from Senator Chamber
lain: "Let the sunlight in on these
things"
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-01-27

Heatless Monday now becomes
J synonym for blue Monday.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
He Came to Pay

The editor sat with his head in his hands
And his elbows at rest on his knees;
He was tired of the ever increasing demands
On his time, and he painted for ease.
The clamor for copy was scorned with a
sneer,
And he sighed in the lowest of tones
"Won't somebody come in with dollar to
cheer
The heart of Emmanuel Jonesi''
Just then on the stairway a foots,ep was
heard,
And rat-a-tap loud on the door,
And the Pickering hope that had been long
deferred
Blazed up like beacon once more;
And there entered a man with a cynical
smile
That was fringed with stubbe of red,
Who remarked, as he tilted sorry old tile
To the back of an average head:
''I've come here to pay Here the editor
cried:
"You're as welcome as flowers in spring!
Sit down in this easy chair by my side,
And excuse me awhile till bring
A lemonade dashed with little old wine.
And dozen cigars of the best.
All! Here we are! This, l assure you is fine.
Help yourself, most desirable guest
The visitor drank with relish and smoked
Till his face wore satisfied glow,
And the editor, beaming with merriment,
joked
In joyous, spontaneous flow;
And then, when the stock of refreshments
was gone,
In accents distorted somewhat by yawn,
"My errand up here is to pay
But the generous scribe, with wave of his
hand,
Put stop to the speech of his guest,
And brought in melon, the finest the land
Ever bore on its generous breast.
And the visitor. wearing singular grin,
Seized the heaviest half of the fruit,
And the juice, as it ran in stream from
his chin,
Washed the mud of the pike from his boot.
Then, hopping his face on favorite sheet,
Which the scribe had laid carefully by,
The visitor lazily rose to his feet
With the dreariest kind of sigh,
And he said, as the editor sought his ad-
dress
In his books, to discover his due;
II came here to pay-my respects to the
press,
And borrow dollar from you!'-E1.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
Simplicity of Jenny Lind

Jenny Lind must have been the most
simple, unpretending prima donna that ever
lived. When she first visited England she
was bound to sing only at the Royal Italian
Opera House, and when commanded to
sing at the queens concert she was obliged
to refuse. Very sorry to be compelled to
do this, she ordered her carriage and drove
straight to Buckingham palace. She hand
ed her card to an official, who, not unnatur-
ally, declined to take it. A higher authori-
ty happened to pass and took it upon him
self to present it. As soon as her majesty
saw it she said, "Admit her by all means. ="
Jenny Lind appeared and said simply that
she was SO very sorry to be unable to sing at
her majestys concert that she though it
better to call herself and explain. The
queen was charmed with her natural man
ner, gave her a cordial reception and
promised to be her friend.-Ea.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
They All do It

In our little town-ah, sad to tell
There's merchant who doesn't know how
to sell,
A lawyer who doesn't know much of law,
A sawyer who doesn't know how to saw,
A teacher who doesn't know how to teach,
A preacher who doesn't know how to preach,
A painter who can't paint very we'll,
A printer who doesn't know how to spell,
An odd-job man with never job,
A cobbler who doesn't know how to cob,
miller who doesn't know how to mill,
A butcher who doesn't know how to kill,
A racer who doesn't know how to race,
A mason who doesn't know how to mase,
A goldsmith who cannot mend clock.
And doctor who doesn't know how TO
doc;
And since none of them are busy men
You'l II find them, again and yet again,
Ever, anon and few times more
Round the stove in Mendelsohns store,
Each talking freely-and through his hat
Doing the one thing they're expert at
Giving advice to the farmers.-Selected.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
The Largest Insect

The grasshopper has a cousin who is the
largest insect in the world. He is called
the Cyphocrane aud makes his home in
Java and Sumatra. This greatest of small
creatures is twelve inches long and during
his lifetime gets new skin upon seven or
eight occasions. And each time he sheds
his skin he grows bit larger. If the pro-
cess were continued long enough he doubt
less would grow up.
The Cyphocrane is described as having
bullying head of deep green color spot
ted in brown, with eyes of bright green
crossed by fine stripes. The body of this
insect is dispr6portionately large and bril-
liantly colored, says an exchange. The
legs are similar to those of the mosquito,
having the power to draw blood from a
victim. The Cyphocrane is particularly
annoying and dangerous pest.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
TypistS Make Bad Errors

If some lady typists can make mistake,
they will, and some of their efforts are very
amusing, humorist relates. One typist
produced the sremark, in regard to rather
conceited man, that 'shis one weakness was
onion sauce the real word being SOM
niscience." Another, in an obituary of a
great theologian, spoke of his belief in the
''immorality of the SOUL Just the omis-
sion Of the ct" from immortality
made all the difference.
Some years ago speaker at a meeting
waxed very sympathetic over the death of
the wife of manager of the company at
some fever-stricken place in West Africa,
and the reporters who were afterwards get
ting this speech together to save time were in
a jocular mood. At the end of the pathetic
Grafton the one who was debating said, for
a Joke, and to amuse the others, Loud
Laughter" and the foolish girl. who was
as much a machine as the typewriter at
which she sat, actually put the words in.
La.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-01-24
M | R R 0 R ETTES
By Uncle John

Christian Science services were held in
the Auditorium last Sunday morning with
the attendance larger than usual.
The greenhouse was we'll represented
in the Auditorium last Sunday afternoon,
it was the finest display of flowers we have
seen at this time of year.
Rev. Parsons of St. Paul, delivered the
sermon last Sunday morning during chapel
service. The speaker is we'll known to
the most of the community.
About five hundred visitors had to be
turned away last Sunday afternoon as it was
impossible to accommodate them in the
Auditorium.
1t looks as if we would not have as
much snow as we had last winter-this
month almost gone and the days getting
longer. Why, before we know it spring
and baseball will be here again.
Paddy is a patriot alright, he hung up
his Red Cross back of the Auditorium door
and was very much surprised to find several
, bills pinned to it besides a handful of
small change.
Our singers on the program last Sum
day deserve much credit for their splendid
songs; each one had to respond twice to
encore. 1t is hard to say which one was
the best.
Our Musical Director put in several
weeks of hard work for the Band Concert
and the boys did not disappoint him last
Sunday afternoon as the Quarterly Chautau-
qua meeting was a huge success from start
to finish. But the 9th number of the pro-
gram Musicians Strike took first place.
We never heard such demonstration be-
fore.
We sure have big Auditorium, but
nevertheless it was too small for last Sum
days audience. More than 1900 visitors
were present at this, the Second Quarterly
meeting of the Chautauqua Circle. The
seating capacity is 1000, and more than
two hundred had to stand or were seated on
chairs. 1t was a good, big, jolly audience,
no mistake about it.