Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1918-03-08
FROM BASEBALL TO BOCHES
By c. WITWER
BY SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT WITH GOLFERS WEEKLY

ders me to take off everything 1 had
on from the Liberty Bond button to
the lucky rabbits foot I'm in the
habit of wearin' on a string around
my neck.
Wait a minute!" L says. mo
doubt I have got into the wrong
Joint. 1 got all the insurance a sane
man can carry, and"
Strip! bellers the little guy,
which had pinched his voice from a
lion somewheres. "You fellers have
the idea that you're doin' Uncle Sam
favor by enlistin', eh? / suppose
You think we take. anybody and
everybody. Well, we don't-under-
stand that! You gotta be pretty fit
to get chance to do your bit in this
mans army!'
Before this bird got through with
me l was satisfied that a guy has
not only got to be fit to get in the
U. s. Army; he's got to be lucky!
This medico had me right. Like a. lot
OF other guys 1 really did feel 1 was
dom the country a favor by enlistin =,
but when they got through with me,
Joe, | was proud they took me!
| felt just a little better than these
blrds that can't get in or won't go
IN. L forgot all about Mac cannin' me
OH the team. | commenced to pity
the guys that couldn't get a uney-
form. l throwed out my little old
chest at the slight expense of two
buttons off my vest Might'nt be good
enough for big league baseball, but
L was good enough for Uncle Sam,
and that's good enough for me! And
when this here doctor slapped me on
the back and says I'm healthier than
Twin in the mountains, it didn do
me any harm either!
The officer outside must of got a
wireless that l was Three-Star stuff,
because when 1 come out he also
| grabbed me by the hand and made
me present of a pleasant smile. He
says L must of been brought up on
nothin' but horseshoes and four-leaf
| cloVerS, because I'm the luckiest fell
! Ter he ever heard tell of, outside of
Jess Willard. 1t seems they need
twenty guys to fill out a regiment
that's goin' to the front right away,
and L come along just in time to
make up the set. Me and the other
nineteen, which could prob'ly have
fell over Niagara Falls without get
tin damp on account of bein' so
lucky, is to leave for the camp in an
hour. While he's tellin me this the
phone rings.
''Humph!" says the officer. Some
one to speak to you"
Il suppose the Kaiser has heard
l enlisted" l says, feelin' in kid
din humor, "and he s calm up to
ask for mercy
He laughed like it was a new one.
Well. Joe, the guy on the phone
was no less than Mac himself. Can
you imagine him phonin' me? Hon
est, you could of knocked me over
with a six-inch shell!
"Here!" he says, II just been talk
in to Higgins, and he says you have
crashed off of the water wagon.
Don't do nothin' foolish. I might of
been little hasty when 1. give you
your unconditional release, and
think IL start you against the Reds
Thursday if"
Don't make me laugh" I cuts in.
You can't start me against no Reds;
I'm pitchin' for Uncle Sam now!'
You wanna stop readin' them
dime novelist" he sneers. "Quit hand
in the telephone operator a laugh,
and come up to the hotel. wanna
talk to you
Mac, says, "all bets is off. 1
have not two minutes ago signed up
in the army!"
"What?' he howls, you in the
army? Then this here wars nothin'
but frame-up!"
why, you big stiff he yells. eff
the Alleys was really tryin', would
they of took you?"
I hung up on him.
I'm writin' this letter on the ship
Joe, and we are allowed to mail EN-
but they won't be delivered till the
boat reaches the other side or the
bottom, whichever it turns out. Then
it's got to go through a set of glooms
called censors. They call EN- that be-
cause they take all the sense outa
everything a guy writes.
If you don't get this, lemme know.
Yours truly.
ED. HARMON,
arIxr 70 y,,ane \