davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
With a ChuckIe,

As Mr.. Jones unlaced his boots he
remarked casually to his wife: "Have
you heard about the catastrophe which
happened at the Smiths house to-
night"
"No. What was itr asked Mrs.
Jones.
Jones paused for an aggravating mo-
ment to pull on his slippers before he
replied: "Why, Mrs. Smith gave the
baby bottle to play with, and while
she was out Of the room 1t fell from
the cradle and broke its neck"
"Whatl The poor little babyT"
Shrieked his wife.
NO; the bother" replied Mr.. Jones
with a fendIsh chuckle.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
Loving a Child.

Loving a child is key
To Heavens mystery.
Loving a child, and giving
1t knowledge, this Is living.
Loving a child brings pain,
And is nfe's greatest gain.
Loving a child is knowing
The fierce Joy OF a sowing
That shall cause mighty reaping.
Loving a child is weeping,
And fearing, too. and praying;
This, there Is no gainSaying.
Loving a child is being
A part OF God, and seeing
The world beneath ones hand
Enlarge, expand,
Be different, and grow
To ones thought. Even 70.
Loving q child is key
To every mystery.
Loving a child is laughter
And heartache after.
-Heartache and grief and pain
But always Joy again.
Mary Carolyn Davies, in Good House
keeping.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
suspIeloua Little Girl.

A little girl went to the grocer's and
asked the salesman If he had any fresfE
eggs.
"Yes," answered the man. "How'
many do you wantT"
She viewed the eggs critically.
"Please SIR" said she, "these are not
regular eggs" Il. /
Certainly, they are"
mo, they aren't" she persisted. az
heard my papa tell my mamma there's
a corner on eggs, and these are an
smooth
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
Many Red.Headed warrIora

Since the time when Pompey the
Great inscribed his name In ROmani
history as the leading warrior of HIS
time until julius Caesar put an end to.
his career as the leading Roman gen.
eral ruddy locked soldiers have beent
in the habit of doing big and Important
things. Ancient and modern history Isl
replete with names OF red-head war;
riorS.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
Rare ExperIence,

SDo you find your new car all the
salesman said it wasT"
~AIl and more" replied the happy
owner.
''You are one purchaser in a thou
sand"
Maybe so, but the chap who sold It
10 me was one salesman in a thousand.
He kept his eloquence within reason.
able bounds and told me the truth
Birmingham Age-Herald.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
cIaudine HurIs the Ketchup.

' 'What's the trouble up there in
hont2' asked the cook Of a rapid-fire
restaurant, addressing one Of the wait
resses.
"Aw, Heloise said that Claudlne
wasn't any better than she ought to
be-" was the reply. "And Claudine
says she is, too. and If anybody thinks
different she'll make 'em prove 1t,
That's how the customer got hit with
the ketchup bottle"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
Impertlnent.

II wish to report the clerk in your
Office" said the irate spinster of ma
ture years to the manager of the sea-
side hotel. "She's most impertlnent." {"
"How so, madamT'
II inquired whether my rooms had
been reserved, and she called out to
the porter, DO you think this lady's
sweet sixteenp"
And 1t took the manager a quarter
OF an hour to convince her that
"suite" 16 was meant.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
NothInu Dolno.

II know who has the lost money"
stated the visitor.
"Then why come to me2' demanded
Sherlock Holmes.
"I want you to get it back for me-"
''Who has it2"
my wife has IT,"
"Watson, kindly show the gentleman
out" responded the astute Sherlock
With q yawn.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
Congratulations.

"Allow me to congratulate You"
said the mild stranger
"What for?" asked the grumpy man.
"oh, anything-nothing--the glorI-
Gus weather, the green fields, the birds,
the fact that you are well and strong,
Isn't that somethlng2"
''No."
''Then congratulate me SOr not hav-
Ing q disposition like yOura."
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17

half-hour or so We
entered the dining
car in search OF
sustenance. On
the table was q
neatly printed
card quoting thG
governments rec
concentrations for
the saving OF
food waste and
urging the pas
senger to be eco
nOmipnI in his m.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
strateuIe ECONOMY.

$50 you are tending your own fur
naceT"
EYES," replied MIR. Meekton. "And
1 rather like It. When Henrietta
starts an argument 1t is something Of
a convenience to go down cellar and
rattle things around a bit"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
The Palace Of Lie.

The school, as the entrance hall tee
the palace of life, must be in archk4
tectural harmony with the greater..
building, If 1t is not to be incongru4
Gus and harmful rather than beautifuS
and useful. AS an audience is esseai
tial in the larger sphere Of manhood
activity, so is 1t essential to the pre-
paratory years spent at school +
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
POOR STAB AT CONSERVATION
Railroad May Have Meant Well, sue
Things Didn't Seem to Work
Out Right. /

Speaking, as somebody constantly is.
of food conservation, reminds us Of n
little trip we made recently. This In
not funny story, but the record Of q
thought-provoklng experience.
We boarded train shortly before
noon, accompanied by friend. In q
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
No Donations Asked.

"Where were you bOrnT"
SIN mld-ocean," replied the SELF.
made millionaire. 'In that respect X
have a great advantage over some 9TH
er rich men / know"
"How is thatf'
Committees OF prominent citiSenSt.
never call on me and ask me to de-
something for my birthplace"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
A Suspicion,

George-JOnes says he is an ideallst.
Evelyn-Yes, but am afraid that
he is one of those who believe that
the lrst test Of an ideallst is to be
tile.
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
That penenda.

'I am thinking of getting a high
class automobile. Are the FHnRlHg eNr~
penses very heavyT
every, especially the fines and tlS'
damage suits"
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17
TheLoaIcai Kind.

"The church ON the next block -
on fire. Look at the dense black clouds,
rolling up from the faaeS- "A
"Holy smOker
Mexico Missouri message., 1918-01-17

"Has your boy forgotten everythinGb
he learned in college3"
"Oh, no; he went out rowing yester--
day, and today he's out playing base.
ball"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
delay? :?
F x F Rednlond's Leadership In Home Rule Politics

1HH HE death of John E. Redmond, 4 after brief illness, came as a shock to his personal friends, but as his leadership in the home rule move ment had waned his passing will not have the political significance it would have had five or six years ago. The Sim Feiners or radical ele-
 ment in Ireland have got the upper hand in circles once strong in support of Redmond's conservative policy, and If an election were to take place to-
 morrow it is believed that the nation
 alists, formerly holding the balance
 of power in the British Parliament, would return less than a score of
 members. Redmond was man of superior talents. He was graduated from Trin- 1ity college, Dublin, and became an
 Irish barrister. He early won fame
 as an orator, and when only twenty live years of age was elected to Par Iliament, where his strong personality
 made ready impression. He was one
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
PRoFANE MANS PRAYER e. ln .ki

From C8TtOOuS nld6dHtHc.
 One time when Representative Elston of California was hunting up in the mountains of his native state he encoun- tered a mule driver with his team stuck in the mud who was the best two-fisted cusser that ever laid lip to it. Cussing blue was nothing for him; he cussed all the colors of the rainbow. and did 1t harmoniously, too. Elston went up the mountain wondering what blackened person a man who would swear like that must be.
 The following day a tree fell on man in nearby camp and Elston went over to the hillside burial. No services had been arranged, not even prayer But when those in charge were about to lower into the grave the pine box in which the body reposed. and some one suggested that a few words be spoken. the cussing man stepped forward, re- moved his hat, and said:
 Lord we are sending Thee another soul. Thou knowest the burdens it had to bear; be merciful."
 That prayer stands today in Elston s opinion as one of the finest master pieces of English 1t has been his privi- lege to hear
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
* < i Asking But Little For Alabama Girls

~ CONSIDERING the large sums of NJ money raised in Birmingham during the past 12 months, $15,000, which this city is asked to contribute to the Girls Industrial school, is a niggard amount. Yet there are in- dications that the campaign to save Alabama's young womanhood is about to be overlooked
 It is true that many demands are being made on the purses of the peo- pie. One subscription solicitor treads close on the heels of another, but no appeal has been made that was not worthy, and the patriotic people of this city have responded nobly. They simply cannot afford to ignore the pressing needs of the industrial school. In a multiplicity of good causes none is more deserving than this institution, which is now doing splendid work, with woefully made quate facilities.
 If a stranger had pointed out to him the small structure at East Lake and were told that it was "home" for about 60 girls, he would be in credulous. And no wonder. It is a serious reflection on this state that our friendless girls, who need pro- tection and instruction to make them good women, are provided for SO poorly. It is only by untiring effort on the part of men and women who have supported the school, and those directly in charge of it, that it has continued to exist in spite of heart breaking obstacles. The school at East Lake is state institution, yet it is hardly large enough to house more 
 than one family in comfort. That it continues to carry on it's work is due to expert management.
 The campaign to raise approxi- mately $50,0OO is statewide in char acter. It will be necessary to have this money in hand before Governor Henderson will release the state ap- propriation of $50,0oO. Birmingham is asked to give $15,OOO. A mere pit tance in the light of recent achieve ments! Give and give today. This sum should be raised in less than a week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
MUST THE TABLE D,HoTE GOT


 From the New York World.
 Chicago restaurant-owners are urging Food Administrator Hoover to abolish table d'hote dinners, as a means of food conservation. They represent that serv- ing meals on this plan creates waste, because no patron consumes all of the food offered"
 Is the Chicago style of table d'hote on 50 lavish scale as that? Table d'hote dinners have been upheld as of dietetic value because inducing no sense of re- pletion in the diner. But is any other form of restaurant service so carefully safeguarding against excess?
 If table dhote dinners are abolished, the logical next step will be to do away with boarding house meals. No one will desire to impugn the patriotic motives of the restaurant keepers, but why do their conservation measures always in- volve primarily the regulation of the patron? He is called on to do most of the conserving. and the way should be made easy for his pocketbook After all. conservation should not be allowed to follow the revolutionary process of de- vouring it's children Some concern must be shown for the financial condition of the moderates who are conservationists by necessity
 At any rate, the sacrifice of the table d hote to the demands of food economy will not be indorsed without better proof of it's wastefulness. Why not try the alternative plan of abolishing la carte service and serve only meals for fixed price and composed of a limited variety of dishes?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
CHRIST IN FLANDERS

From the Atlanta Constitution. @ The following poem was written by 8 British soldier in Flanders, and first ap- peared in the London Spectator It was subsequently, adopted by the American army and navy Y M. c. "A. and used as "a tract among the soldiers visiting the huts, and in the hospitals: We had forgotten You-or very nearly You did not seem to touch us very t nearly;
 Of course we thought about You now
 and then, Especially in any time of trouble. We knew that You were good in time
 of trouble.
 But We were very ordinary men. And all the while. in street or lane or
 byway,
 You walked among us, and We did not
 see;
 Your feet were bleeding as You walked
 our pavements. How did we miss Your footprints on
 our pavements? Can there be other folks as blind as.
 we? Now we remember over nere in Flanders ct isn't strange to think of You in
 Flanders)-
 This hideous warfare seems to make things clear; We never thought about You much in
 England, But now that We are far away from
 England,
 We have no doubts-we know that You
 are here. You helped us pass the jest along the trenches (Where, in cold blood, we waited in the
 trenches)- You touched its ribaldry and made it fine. You stood beside us in our pain and weakness Somehow it seems to help us not 10 whine. We think about You kneeling in the gar- Oh God! the agony of that dread garden. We know You prayed for us upon the cross; If anything could make us glad to bear 1t Twould be the knowledge that You wilssd to bear it. Pain, death-the uttermost of human Though we forgot You-You will not tor- get us We feel so sure that You will not for get us
 But stay with us until this dream is past.
 And so we ask for courage strength and pardon Especially. think, we ask for pardon 5 And that You'll stand beside us to t5s
 last. <.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
British Lords Still
 Denied the Ballot

M1 OW that the right to vote has ! NJ been conferred on six million women in Great Britain peers of the realm protest that it is hard they are denied the privilege of the ballot. Their wives may vote, but they are about the only men who are not per- mitted to vote. An effort has been made to remedy this condition, but without avail.
 Theoretically it is this way. The House of Lords has the power-now shadowy indeed-or revising the Legislation of the Commons. There fore, it was held to be unfair for a member of the upper chamber, who does not have to be elected, to have voice in the election of members of tho popular branch.
 But since the Parliament act took
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
Wisconsin Could Have
 Done Nothing Less {.

1T1 HE Wisconsin legislature in pass
 4 ing the joint resolution con-
 demning United States Senator La-
 Toilette for his seditious attitude to- ward the government in its war with
 Germany has vindicated the fair name of the state. It could have done noth- ing less and maintained it's high place in the union. While the vote in the lower house was decisive, it should ihave been unanimous.
 The resolutions were carefully
 worded. They were informed by note of unfeigned Americanism and were devoid of anything of sensational nature. The only regret is that a single vote was cast against this cen- sure of man who, having been hon. ored with seat in the Senate, be- |trayed his trust by giving comfort to the enemy.
 LaFollette's un-American speech at
 Minneapolis is responsible for much of the pro-German sentiment that has
 manifested itself in spots in Wiscon- sin and few other states. Consumed
 with vanity and self-importance, Wis lconsin's senior senator has taken ad- vantage of senatorial courtesy GUS
 tom and the delay on the part of his colleagues in Washington in acting on his case is used in Berlin as evi-
 dence of a divided sentiment at the seat of the American government. Of course, there is no divided senti-
 ment among our lawmakers, when it comes to the question of a vigorous prosecution of the war. American patriotism was never more rampant than it is today. Never was there such a solidarity of purpose in any lholy cause as there is in this coun- try for the winning of the war. If we still have slackers, let's get rid of them, no matter how stern the measures necessary to do it. But for men like LaFollette, Vardaman, Hardwick and a few others in high places, slackers would have been
 virtually unheard of at this time when every true man is eager to do his "bit" for his country and humanity. The Senate has strong case against LaFollette. He should have
 been expelled weeks ago. Why further l Il
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07

away from the House of Lords most of it's power, the peers are not dis posed to use even the small degree of authority over legislation left to them "on paper" Viscount Peel, in advising against pressing an amend ment for giving peers the electoral franchise, admitted that the House of Lords was in danger of being wiped out altogether; therefore, it behooved them to swallow their pride and keep quiet. As correspondent of the New York Sun remarked, "the upper body acts these times as if those who compose it were afraid even to sug- gest that its soul was it own.'s
 The only compensation which Brit ish noblemen have for their voteless state is the prerogative of shooting at bHe hlHS ueeT. HIS udISo iAoiA the days of William the Conqueror, when wild game roamed through every part of England. But today there are no Kings deer" at which to shoot, save in the royal forests, and even there they are half domesticated.
 While the peerage includes many strong men and not few who are recognized as statesmen, hereditary titles in democracy such as prevails in Great Britain are beginning to be as out of place. And the time is thought to be not far distant when the upper house of Parliament will be elective.
 But notwithstanding the radical changes that have taken place in the British constitution within a genera tion and the indication that changes yet more radical are in sight, hun dreds of men of social ambition are still coveting the empty honor that accompanies barony or an earldom.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
LUKE M,LuKE SAYS

The newspapers print a good deal of the news. But if man wants all the news he has to listen to his wife talk.
 A bride of 40 hours thinks she knows more about married life than does the woman who has been married 40 years.
 Righteous indignation is something dis played by man when some one steals from him the umbrella he stole from some other man.
 Maybe the reason why girl goes out with her chest naked in cold weather is because she wants to demonstrate the fact that she has a warm heart.
 The average wife can tell you that her husband is the kind of man who wastes an hour trying to save 10 minutes,
 A fool is usually a man who devotes all of his time to telling others how wise he is.
 The reason why father thinks it dis graceful for young man to call on daughter and stay later than 10 o'clock at night is because when father was counting mother he always stuck around until the carrier delivered the paper in the morning.
 A man would be arrested if he went to a reception wearing nothing but chif- ion vest above his waist line, But it is different with woman.
 If girls didn't get married merely to show other girls that they could get mar ricd there wouldn't be so many prosper ous divorce lawyers.
 When a country boy goes to the city and runs his legs off trying to land a job as brakeman his home paper likes to announce that he has accepted posi- tion with the traffic department of a large railroad and will take up his duties at once
 A piledriver has to make lot of noise in order to accomplish a great deal of work But you should remember that you are not d piledriver.
 The trouble with the man who Is al- ways harping on the fact that the world owes him living is that he usually owes enough to balance the debt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
Commends Attorney Rowe

It has been years since I practiced law" said Frank Willis Barnett, but have always kept in close touch with lawyers. I want to commend T. J. Rowe, the attorney who was appointed by the court to defend the negro Will Blackmon.
 He fought an uphill fight to get the sentence commuted from the death pen alty to life Imprisonment and won out. He was tireess in his efforts to see that the friendless man, whose case had been intrusted to him. should not be hanged, for he felt that his client was mentally defective. If Will Blackmon had been rich and powerful he could not have had a better advocate than T. J. Rowe proved himself to be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
rroud Of preacher aRotesy

T was certainly proud of the preacher Rotarians who were at the Fifth District international Association of Rotary clubs at Selma" said Bob Ewing. for they were the life of the gathering
 Every one of them was manly man. l think 1t fine thing for them to mix with their fellowman on terms where all meet as men. We learn to know them better and they get to see us as we are. I think it's good thing all around"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07
THE RUSSIAN PEASANT

we meet to discuss the thing we can gel before he talks knows what he is goingl to say He just opens his mouth and out it comes; and when it is said it isl even worse than he himself expected
 In few minutes he sighed and said Tn Moscow at election time the streets| were covered with papers like snow, and the sewers were clogged With the stuffs And all were political proclamations- just big words and nothing else. Why not have used all that paper and ink to describe such good farming methods as yours, and the new machinery and how we are going to get it? Those would la proclamations worth while
 we need tools and better schools. l don't like the school in our village, for it teaches no real things. These teacn- CTS from the cities know nothing at all of any real life. One girl teacher from Petrograd taught at our school q while ago, and at first she wanted to rent my COW to get milk for herself and her mother. But one day at sunset in my field she saw a young calf, and said to me: will rent this dear little COW ,n- stead. She will give quite enough mik for mel!
 The peasant gave solemn nod. And that is the kind of teacher" he sad, they sent to teach farming to my brats!' He heaved a sigh. T told nsi'." he added sadly that perhaps a eat would do for her"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07

gomerians. who believed that such a thing was an impossibility but the thing no Birmingham Rotaran will oe- lieye. unless he was preesnt, is that l was called upon to speak and declined.
 The lunch served by the high schooi girls and boys was a regular feast, made from home products. It was the most uproarious luncheon which have ever attended Stunt after stunt followed one another and the two hours raced by be- fore the superintendent could get the crowd sufficiently controlled so that short business session could be held.
 The Rotarians were entertained on Tuesday night in the hospitable homes of the Selmians, and after dinner went ont to hear Rotarian Ashby Jones de liver his famous address on Why We Are at War With Germany" It was an informing and inspiriting talk. After if was over the delegates fingered about for awhile saying good-by to one an other It was the consensus of opinion that the meeting was both enjoyabe and profitable and that Selma had added A. new laurel in the wreath of her nos r,to1;ty
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-03-07

cheaply, and, subletting them at rates hitherto undreamed of in the capital.
 l know of one man who was offered 8 furnished house at rental so exorbitant that he wished to consider overnight before signing a lease. When he went back next day prepared to accept the terms he was informed that the prlce had gone up. Disguised at such gouslng he went away again, but after dayS \ ,fruitless search for another house val forced to return and inform the agent that he would take the place at rh8| higher figure. Imagine hisf feel.a2f) when he was told that the rental naol once more undergone an overnight in-l crease. This time he did not depart. but remained in the agents office until tine lease was drawn and signed.