Charlevoix county herald., 1918-05-10
HOME GUARDS.

II haven't seen your husband for
several days." remarked Mrs. Turpen-
tine. els he out of town."
mo. he's in the house," replied Mrs.
Curfew, "but his head Is badly dent
ed and bruised, and he is threatened
with nervous prostration, and ! won't
allow him to leave the premises until
he is more like himself.
"I'm sure I don't know what's going
to become of Mr.. Curfew unless he
can get rid Of some of his patriotism.
I'm glad to have a husband who r
willing and anxious to make sacrifices
for his country, but I can't help think
ing that even patriotism may be car
ried too Tar.
my husband has been trying to en-
List ever since diplomatic relations
with Germany were broken OF, but
the officials won't accept him. They
take one look at his flowing white
whiskers and advise him to get .
plush-lined rocking chair and a pair
of carpet slippers. and spend his de-
clining years by the fireside. One SER
geant or corporal or other enlisting
officer said the country was trying to
organize an army. not an octogenart-
ans club, and Mr.. Curfew was boiling
mad.
FINALLY, seeing that he couldn't
break into the army, he decided to
organize a regiment Of home guards
to police the town when the able-bod-
led young men are called away. He
went around and interviewed lot Of
the patriarchs In the neighborhood,
and they all said 1t would be fine
thing. and they would be glad to take
part.
"Mr. Curfew elected himself colonel
or brigadier general or something. He
felt that he was entitled to the COM
manding position. as the idea was his
own, and the old men admitted that
Il was fair, and so the other evening
they assembled for a drill on John
sons vacant lot across the alley. MI.
Curfew had dug up sword and big
brass helmet with plume on it. and
he had a red sash around his waist
and large spurs on his boots, and
when he walked he clanked like q
key Of nails.
HE certainly was an imposing fig
pre when he went out Of the house in
all his martial array, and I was proud
Of his appearance, although ! feared
the worst, for didn't believe the old
men Of his brigade would stand II TO
be bossed around. I knew most Of
them personally. and they are a can
tankerous lot, and their wives can't
get along with them.
my husband shouted some order
and some of the men obeyed and 9TH
ers Just stood around grinning. Mr.
Gooseworthy said there was no sense
In such an order and that It was con.
trary to all military rules and the eth
les Of West Point, or words to that ef
feet.
my husband reprimanded him Sc
verely, which was perfectly proper,
for II the commanding officer of q
home guard can't maintain discipline
there Is going to be anarchy. Mr..
0ooseworthy said he'd be everlasting
~ drawn and CHARTERED II he'd be 500
ken to IN that tone Of voice by any
body. and he picked up Q chunk Of W.T.
rified brick and threw Il at my hus-
band.
TT struck his brass helmet and
TANNED II down over his ears, 20 that
We had to get the blacksmith to Dry
Il on. Meanwhile all the members Of
the home guard INDUCED in q riot,
some supporting my husband and
some backing Mr.. Gooseworthy. and
they were all bunged up moro or less,
but most of the bricks and things lift
my husband, for he was where the
weapons were thickest, a. he always
n, and I really don't want the neigh
bors to see him until his head Is
healed up