davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
WILLING TO TAKE CHANCES
Prisoners Remark Not Exactly Com
pIimentary to the Lawyers in
the Courtroom.

The conversation in the lobby of
n Washington hotel turned to the bud
ding lawyer when this little anecdote
was smilingly related by Representa-
tive Edward E. Brown of Wisconsin:
Recently man was arrested on a
minor charge, and on the appointed
day was hailed into court for trial.
Just moment" remarked the
judge, interrupting the preliminary
proceedings. HAS the prisoner at the
bar no counsel?'
NO, sir" spoke up the prisoner, y
couldn't afford to employ a lawyer"
in that event the court will appoint
counsel for you" returned the judge
glancing at group of budding law
yers who were seated in the court
room. There are Mr.. Jones, Mr.
Smith, Mr. Green and Mr.. Brown, and
also another fellow out in the corridor
Which do you preferY
IF it's all the same to you, judge
was the startling rejoinder of the pris
oner, Il will take the fellow that's out
in the corridor. "-Philadelphia Eve
ming Telegram.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
WHEN AGE ARRIVES
Rules That One Man Promises
He Will Observe.
Of Course There Is a Proviso, but the
World Would Be Sweeter if
They Were Kept Gener-
ally in Find.

When l am old ] w.ill observe the
following items {perhaps):
will not try to act nor dress nor
talk so as to make people think j am
younger than l am.
will not pretend to be young, nor
be angry when, called old. nor ashamed
of my age.
will not complain of being old.
/ will not continually remind people
of my old age to secure their SYM
patty, or to hear them say l am not
old after all, or do not seem so.
will not form the habit of indulging
in "reminiscences.
! will be particularly careful not to
rereat the same anecdotes over and
over
will not complain of the present
and claim the past was much better.
j | am deaf, weaa-eye3 lame or
otherwise afflicted will not advertise
my intirmities but avoid obtruding
them upon the notice of others as
mush as possible.
] will not talk of myself, my works,
or my achievements, even of my mis-
takes, any more than is necessary.
will speak cheerfully or keep still.
will never indulge in cynicism,
never sheer at youth, and l will try
always to appreciate what younger
folks do.
/ will be as little bored as can, and
never say l am bored, nor, if possible,
act as if were bored.
] will not give advice unless it is
asged, and not often then.
will not be irritable.
will not be a nuisance nor an en-
cufabrance, SO far as in me lies.
will not be offended by neglect, but
/ Tf1l remember the words of the sage
Those who come to see me do me hon.
or; those who do not come to see me
do me a favor"
will be as little disagreeable as
possible, and will never use my natural
disAgreeableness as means of getting
mS way.
will cultivate the friendship and
cos1panionship of young children, who
alone understand old age.
: will learn to love to be alone. As
1bsen says: "The freest soul is the
sorl that is alone"
| shall try to show the world that old
age is spiritual opportunity and not
| PHYSICAL calamity.
Forced to become a by-stander,
skull try to be a hopeful One
shall try to sweeten like the pear
DF>etor Holmes describes that mellows
ard becomes full favored before it
dErps from the stem, and shall try not
to sour and dry and rot.
shall conceive my life's triumph to
be to grow triumphantly, VIGOROUSLY
old.
IN word, 1 shall try to adjust my
sGif to old age, as to all other facts of
life-Life.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Choice Reiehstaa Dialogue.

When rogues fall out there may be
embarrassment for the printer, London
Answers observes. The Vienna Reichs-
post tells of quarrel between Hert-
ling, the German chancellor and Herr
Erzberger:
Hertling: 81 have proofs that you
have intrigued with Vienna against
me-" to which Erzberger replied:
"No."
Hertling retorted: "Yes, You have
been to Vienna, and you have in
trigued."
Erzberger: 81 have not been to VI
emma"
"Hertling: II have proofs that you
are"
The Reichspost says it cannot
reproduce the last words Of Hertling
Herr Erzberger is the leader of the
center party; and it looks as if on
this occasion Hertling inclined to the
extreme left.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Testing Inventions.

Inventions of war nature must
have prompt government attention.
Therefore the United States govern
ment is setting apart an inventions
section for immediate and thorough
investigation of all devices of a me-
chanical, electrical or chemical nature
submitted for test, sale or inspection.
People who wish inventions consid-
cree should apply data: Name and OBJ
ject of invention, any claim for supe-
riority or novelty, and results OBJ
tanned by actual experiment, whether
the invention is patented, whether
remuneration is expected, whether the
invention has been before amy other
agency, whether the writer is owner
or agent. Drawings and descriptions
should accompany. Communications
should be addressed to Inventions
Section, General Staff, Army War
college, Washington
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
HARLEM OIL CAPSULES
IF YOUR BACK ACHES

Don't ignore the little pains and
aches" especially backaches. They
may be little now but there is no tell
ing how soon a dangerous or fatal dis
ease of which they are the forerun-
ners may show itself. Go after the
cause of that backache at once, or you
may find yourself in the grip of an III
durable disease.
Do not delay minute. Go TO your
druggist and insist on his supplying
you with box Of GOLD MEDAL
HARLEM Oil Capsules. In "a hours
you win feel renewed health and yigor.
After you have cured yourself, con-
tinue to take one or two Capsules
each day so as to keep in first-class
condition, and ward off the danger Of
future attacks. Money refunded IL
they 90 not help you. Ask for the
original imported GOLD MEDAL
brand, and thus be sure of getting the
genuine.-Adv.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

Do you feel tired and "worn-out?"
Are you nervous and irritable? Don't
sleep well at night? Have dragged
out" unrested feeling when you get
up in the morning? Dizzy spells? Bill
ious? Bad taste in the mouth, back
ache, pain or soreness in the loins,
and abdomen? Severe distress when
urinating, bloody, cloudy urine or sed-
iment? All these indicate gravel or
stone in the bladder, or that the poi
sonous microbes, which are always in
your system, have attacked your kid
neys.
You should use GOLD MEDAL
HARLEM Oil Capsules Immediately
The oil soaks gently into the walls
and lining of the kidneys, and the lit
tie poisonous animal germs, which are
causing the Inflammation, are imme-
diately attacked and chased out OF
your system without inconvenience or
pain.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Mr.. JONES HAD RIGHT IDEA
Some Statesmen and Many Soldiers
Fully Agree With the Gentleman
From Atlanta.

George Washington Jones, late of
AliSnfe, was making his first trip
frontward on supply wagon-with
not much farther TO go-when, from
the side of the road. camoufiaged
American battery broke forth thunder
ousIy. sending a few 300-pound tokens
over the line to Fritz. The ground
tfembIed from the salvo, but not any
more than George as he jumped from
his high seat TO the road.
The American artillery officer in
charge of the battery crossed over to
the road.
"Scared?' he demanded.
Well" said George. "Ah was slight
~ agitated at fust. All suttingly was.
But keep hight on. OATS the only
way to win dis wah-fiah dem guns"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Lucky Photourapher.

IT is not always that things turn out
SO happily for the rash person who
ventures to take snapshots on the east
coast of England, as they did in the
case Of young lady in the following
story: She was seen photographing
ON point of the coast, and was
promptly approached by a special,
who informed her of the enor-
miry of her offense, took her name
anC address, and removed her camera.
She heard nothing more of the matter
for some time, but one morning she
was amazed at receiving a check run
ming into three figures, and letter
from headquarters informing her that
her photographs were not only very
good, but resulted in the capture of
an enemy submarine.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Drawing Lots for a Wife.

l love the way they once faced the
grim realities of life and fought fire
with fire. Marriage was a lottery, so
they settled it by lot. The way Of a
man with a maid might upset the cal
culations of the wise man in Proverbs
but 1t didn't feaz~ the early Moravians.
They got ont the lot bowl, put the
names in; prayed that the drawing
would be providentially guided, and
went ahead in faith. And those mar
riages so arranged were such successes
that one is almost tempted to wish for
a return OF the custom, in disuse now
for many a year.-Exchange
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Hot Weather Poisons
Hit The Stomach First
How to Keep Your Stomach
Strong, Cool and Sweet

Hot weather always starts those
quick chemical changes which pro-
duce poisens in meats, fish, fruits,
vegetables, milk and food products.
Such summer poisons in foods not
only make well stomachs sick but de-
velop with dangerous rapidity in
sensitive, sick or ailing stomachs and
bowels.
These poisons not only generate
gases and fluids which cause that
bloated, lumpyf feeling, heartburn, sour
stomach, belching, acidity, but endless
other stomach and bowel miseries.
A sure, safe, quick acting relief has
been found which absorbs and nev-
tralizes these poisons, too much acid
and harmful gases. EATONIC Tab
lets, one or two taken after every meal
will keep your stomach sweet. You
will have good appetite to eat what
you like, when you want it and be
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
REALLY WAS SILLY OF HER
Have Got the Wrong Idea
Altogether.

Pound of margarine, two pounds of
cheese, a -" commenced Mrs. Pruke.
The proprietor of the village store
FASTENED to interrupt the lady. you'll
really have to cut your orders down"
he said 81 can't supply preacetime
quantities. There's a war on, you
know"
Mrs. Pruke did some lightning call
culatiOns on piece of sugar paper
"Right-O," she answered, blithely.
1.-Two ounces o. margarine, quarter o.
cheese, four inches o. white tape and
half pair o. number five carpet slip
pers. Thanks for reminding NE about
the war. 1t had quite slipped my mem
DRY. I'd got the idea into my head that
my husband and my two boys had gone
TO France looking for mushrooms
London Tit-Bits.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Confidence in the Cause.

The champion optimist of America
Is private B, now on active duty
with his regiment somewhere in
France. The regiment, after a turn
in the trenches, was Willing away it's
time in a rest camp, and the officers
were seeking to get the men to use
some of their spare minutes in the
study of French. The men did not
take very kindly to the idea, and one
of the officers sought to chide them for
their lack of interest Private B
cut him off with the following query !:
what in h do l want to learn
French for? They don't speak that
IN Berlin, do they2"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Of Two Evils.

Never change lawyersi"
The speaker was Senator Thomas of
Colorado.
No matter how greedily your law
yer may be bleeding you" he said.
don't change him. Remember the old
horse.
An old horse stood under a tree
patiently, though he was all covered
with horse flies. A kind-hearted man
went up 10 brush the flies away, but
the old horse said:
Hold on, sir. Don't disturb those
flies They're nearly full. Drive them
off, and fresh lot will come, more
hungry than the last"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
free from all those bad effects liable to
come after hearty meal in summer.

free from all those bad effects liable to
come after a hearty meal in summer.
'EATONIC Tablets are hot weather protec-
tors for the stomach. They guard against the
germs that lurk in the things you eat and
drink. They rebuild listless appetites. pro-
mote digestion by aiding proper action OF the
stomach functions and insure speedy relief
from indigestion and all stomach distress.
EATONIC is good to eat like candy. People
from all oversend grateful testimonials. Tens
OF thousands are obtaining relief with
EATONIC every day but the best evidence is
to let your own stomach tell you the truth. Go
to your druggist and get big box of
EATONIC. Tell him you want it for the pre-
vention and sure relief of stomach and bowel
disorders produced by hot weather poisons.
Then if EATONIC fails to satisfy you're
turn it to your druggist, whom you know and
can trust. He will cheerfully refund your
money. If your druggist doesn't keep
EATONIC-drop US postal. twill be de-
livered to your address and you can then
pay for it. Address. H. L. Kramer. Pres.
1918 8. Wabash Ave-, Chicago, Iii.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Positive Not NEGATIVE.

Be one thing or the other. Don't be
dummy for life to hang theories
upon. Be real person. with likes and
dislikes, with interests and activities,
with something that is positive. Be
pleasant, not merely not unpleasant: I.
be- sweet, not merely not disagreeable
be good TO look upon. as far as in your
power; be well informed. as far as
possible. But whatever you are. be
that thing to the utmost. Give TO
those who are around You your very
best and unconsciously they will give
their very best to you. Try il and
see.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
What Booze Couldn't Do, Pop Did.

A pop bottle exploded while its cap
was being removed in a Muncie near
beer establishment, the other day, Sc
yerely cutting the 'gentlemanly bar
tenders" hand.
''For twenty long and weary years l
opened beer bottles, thousands Of
them, and came through all that wet
period into the dry one without a
scratch" he lamented, "and now in my
old age, with my business whitfield
away it comes to this: That after
booze failed to put me out, I've had to
surrender to p.'-Indianapolis News.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

Now Is the Time to Get Rid Of These UgIy Spot,

There's no longer the slightest need of feeling
ashamed of your freckles, as Othine-double
strengths guaranteed to remove these homely
spots.
Simply get an ounce of Othine-double
strength-from your druggist, and apply little
of ii night and morning and you should soon see
that even the worst freckles have begun to dis
appear, while the lighter have vanished en-
tirely. 1t is seldom that more than one ounce
is needed TO completely clear the skin and gain
beautiful clear complexion.
Be sure TO ask for the double strength 0thine,
as this is sold under guarantee of money back
if 1t fails TO remove freckles.-Adv.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
PiokIinn Olives

A new method of picking ripe olives
which, ii is claimed. will increase the
capacities of the factories over 20O
per cent has been discovered by the
University of California. Heretofore
it has taken Is days to pickle ripe
olives. BY this new method il can be
dore in six days or less. The process
is 4 result of four years of expert
ments.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

medicine for woman's ailments ever
saw. Mrs. SARA SHAW, r. No. J.,
Portsmouth, Ohio.
Mrs. Shaw proved the merit of this
medicine and wrote this letter in order
that other suffering women may find
relief as she did.
Women who are suffering as she was
should not drag along from day to day
without giving this famous root and
herb remedy, Lydia E. Pinkham' Vege-
table Compound, a trial. For special
advice in regard to such ailments write
to Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co. ;, Lynn,
Mass. The result of its forty years
experience is at your service.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Her Worries.

A young woman on street car was
discussing the war with a man, and
was lamenting the fact that it was
necessary to take all of the young
men into the army.
Why" she said, before lorg we
girls will outnumber the boys, here at
home, ten to one don't know what
we are going to do"
81 don't Think 1t will be as bad as
you anticipate replied her friend 'Ti
that is all that is worrying you, you
car have a boy scout or G. A r.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
keepinu EN- Sweet.

Florence (reading war news)-It
says here that General Foch is a mas
ter of tactics.
Her Hubby-Yes, he's great mas
ter of the proper disposition of his
troops.
Florence-I've often wondered what
made them so OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Magazine.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Soothe Itching ScaIps.

On retiring gently rub spots of dan
druff and itching with Cuticura Oint-
ment. Next morning shampoo with
Cuticura Soap and hot water. For free
samples address, "Cuticura, Dept. x
Boston" At druggists and by mail
Soap %, Ointment % and 50.-Adv.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Hie onirion

willis-What do you think Of this
plan of turning all the clocks ahead an
hour each day?
Gillis--Just another foxy scheme Of
the bankers 70 make a mans notes
come due sooner, ] think.-Judge.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
A Great Responsibility.

he responsibility attached the preparing of remedy for infants and children
undoubtedly greater than that imposed upon the manufacturer remedies
for adults whose system sufficiently strong counterfeit for time least any
injurious drug well observe that Castoa prepared today has been
for the 40 years. under the personal supervision Mr. Chs Fletcher
What have makers limitations and substitutes at stake What their
responsibilities To whom they answerabe2 They spring today
their nearious broadcast, and disappear tomorrow
Could each mother the panakng with which the prescription for
Fhe Cca prepared could they read the umae testimonials from
grateful mothers they would listen the subtle pag and false arguments
Of those who would offer imitation Substitute for the tried and
Flcher,s Gastora.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
sone satisfaction.

How did the shortage of gasoline
affect you?"
WELL replied Mr.. Chuggins, 1T
was a kind Of comfort to know OF
hand exactly why the old machine
wouldn't run. Washington Star.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Where He Goes.

Asket-What become of the incor-
rigible kid VINO used to be driven from
home because. his parents couldn't d.
anything for him.
TelIum-Oh, he takes an hour or
two of from his duties as president
and director OF half the big concerns
in the city to drive around to the old
folks in one of his new twelve-cylinder
palaces to tell pa and ma that he's
getting along just tolelable
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Nursing EalIacies.

"Bliggins has great self-esteem."
YES" replied Miss Cayenne. per
haps that is why he doesn't get on bet
ter A man with 700 much self-esteem
is usually a bad judge of things in
general"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
"BEST MEDICINE
FOR WOMEN"
What Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound Did
For Ohio Woman.
Portsmouth, Ohio" / suffered from
Irregularities, pains in my side and was

30 weak dL IlIIleS i
could hardly get
around to do my
work, and as I had
four in my family
and three boarders
itmade it very hard
for me. Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound
was recommended
to me. / took it
and it has restored
my health. 1t is
rorfainlu tho hast
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Quite Enough.

you can't fool the people all the
time" 81 don't want to TOOL 'em all
the time" declared the alleged states
man. Just few weeks before cleo
tion will do me"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

Earth's total land area is placed al
SO. 123, III 200 acres, of which forests
cover S,097, 1887 acres.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

If angels fear to tread where fools
rush in, they should use their wings.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

You can always get satisfaction by
going to law-if you are lawyer
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Let's Talk

Let's Talk.
She-Some one has said that kisses
are loves language.
He-That so? Let's talk.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Up Against 1t.

"Out of work., But nobody can be
out of work these days"
Il was a railroad president
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Newspaper Waits

Newspaper Walls.
ut pays to be honest. But not
enough, apparently, to suit some peo-
pie. Boston TRANSCRIPT.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

Armour & Company
Cudahy Packing Co.
Morris & Company
Sw:te.. & Company
Wilson & Company
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16

Furthera,ore-and this is very imporant-only small
portion of this profit mas been paid in dividends The
balance has been put back the businesses 1t had to
be- as you realize when you consider the problems the
packers have had to solveand solve quickdurng these
war years.
To conduct this business in times, with higher costs
and the necessity of paying two three times the former
prices live stock has required the of two three
times the ordinary amount Of working capital The add
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1918-07-16
Are the Packers Profiteers
Plain Facts About the Meat Business

tional profit makes only fair return this and has
been stated the larger portion of the profits earned has
been used to finance huge stocks of goods and provide
additions and improvements made necessary by the
nous demands of our army and navy and the allies
Milford chronicle., 1918-04-05
SHAWNEE.

There will be an entertainment, con-
sisting Of a short play entitled. Way
Down East, recitations by the children
and also by Mrs. Maysie Reed Henderson
and music. held at the school house next
Tuesday evening, April 9Th, but il that
evening is stormy, will be held the next
clear evening. Admission 10 and Is cents,
for the benefit Of the school.
Mrs. Thomas Stayton and daughter
Eleanor we're visitors in Wilmington and
North East. Md. last week.
Miss Mildred Griffith spent the week
edn with relatives at Easton. Nd.
Miss Ida Calhoun spent Sunday in
Pocomoke City, Nd
Mr.. Ephriam Jefferson is visiting his
daughter, Mrs. Joseph Calhoun.
Sunday school at p. m. Christian
Endeavor meeting at 7.SO; topic. Christ
ian Duty and Privilege" led By Miss
Helen Ryan.
Mr.. and Mrs. James Abbott are visiting
their son. Mr.. Rufus Abbott.
Miss Mabel Stevenson spent Easter
with friends in Smyrna.