davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
A KNOCKER

After; God hal flushed the
ratlles1ske, the toad and the
viper. He had some awful SUBJ
stance ieft which He made into
2 knocker. A knocker is q two
! Sg d animal; wi h a cork screw
aoul, a water logg ued brain and
acembir a alton back bone made
OF jelly and glue. Where other
people would carry their hearts,
he has tumor of rotten princi-
piles. When the knocker sinks
down the street, honest men
turn their backs. In substance,
he is but the unree generate off
spring of animals of the low est
caste. Ex
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
PUBLICITY ARTICLE
RELATIVE TO
WAR TRAINING

Mr. J. o. Wright, represen-
tative of the West Central list.
riot of the Educational Board of
Vocational Educational, visited
the New Mexico College OF Ag.
riculture and Mechanic Arts
last week and went over careful.
ly with this institution the plans
for opening up war training for
drafted registrants. Since the
declaration Of war the call for a
large number of mechanics for
eervice has increased until now
the supply is seriously menaced.
This war is one of mechanics
and engineers. II is estimated
that it takes four mocha mics tu
keep ono man in the trenches
and for every man in the trenchs
it requires one man in the lines
as an artifcier Of some kind.
Due to the fact that ino ustry
must be kept up at all haza rds
the army has laced with a great
shortage and plans are laid
whereby drafted men will be sent
to this institution and others
throughout the country to be
trained for special service.
1t 10 probable that a large num-
Der of the next draft will be sent
to school rather than to the can
onments. This plan is going to
cost the government betwsenten
and fifteen million dollars, and
at the present time it is known
that from two hundred to three
hundred thousand men must be
trained. The New Mexico of Ag-
riculture and Mechanic Arts h las
long been q school on the appro-
we'd liet Of the war oepsartntent
and has been selected as ono OF
the Colleges to help carry outj
this training. |
Des" OF Engineering, |
State College, N. NJ.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
MISTOOK QUESTIONNAIRE
FOR A CATALOGUE

Tulsa, Okla, Mistaking his
questionneire for a catalogue.
Ysidore Ortado, a Greek, living
at Escale, returned it to his ex.
'emption board with a note writ
ten IN Greek, saying there was
in the list he wished to
purchase.
Another QUESTIONABLE, re-
turned by a Mexican, was ac-
companied by a cote which
stated that the man could not
read United States, but knew it
was to help the war SO enclosed
a So. bill.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
RED CROSS DINNER
A GREAT SUCCESS

The RED Cross turkey dim Ell
served by the ladies at the
Harris Hotel Wednesday, during
the FARMERS Institute, was vsry
successful considering the'sand
storm which ragged all day. They
cleared $48!O0 and heartily
thank everyone for help and
donations. G. H. Atkorson don.
ated the "Trcpical" brand of
Coffee for which trey are very
thankful. The ladies are especial
ly greatful to Mr. and Mrs
Harris for their generosity in
turning the dining room and
kitchen over to them.
The Lone Star Lumber com.
p@ny is enlarging their ware.
house this week.
MRS. II. T, Shoemake came in
from Big Springs Tex. Thursday.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
THE. DARNED OLD KAISER

'Fhe darnsd old Kaiser amt
what he 1sed to be,
Amt what he used to be, sin't
what he used to be,
Not 80 many years ago.
"The darned OLD Kaiser dunno
where he'll be,
Dunno where he'll be dunno
whore he'll be,
The darned old Kaiser dunno
where he'll be,
About six months from now.
"The Stars and Stripes, aoout a
year from now,
About year from now, about a
year from now,
The Stars and Stripes, about a
year from now,
Will float over Germany"
Ex.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

When little Arthur in the hall
Draws heiroglyphics on the wall
Dear e other doesn't fuss or
start,
She knows it is a work of Art.
When little Arthur for some
walks
Goes out with father and his
brother,
And Arlia talks and talks and
talks,
Pa says: Amt that gust like
his mother?"
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

When children got to be a.
bout fourteen years of age they
begin to walk about two feet in
the air, but they come down
much harder than thoy went up.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

Being a mere man we can
vouch for the truth IF the charge
that men talk as much gossip
as women, but it isn't fit to
spresd.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

We have just finished a de-
lightful article ON Precious
Gems, and the thought occurred
to us that perhaps our subscri-
'bers never intended for US to
have 'gny,
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

OF course the German spies
can't be executed, as there is
always q comma or a semicolon
missing in the indictment
against them.
Patterson Press Guardian.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

Mr.. and MRS Adams many
friends here regret to learn of
Mrs. Adams ill health. MT.
adams took her to the Sanitari-
um at Albuquerque Monday.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

All the men who don't beat
their wives will please pay up
their subscription at once.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

Prof. ]. E. Owens went to
LsLande Wednesday afternoon
to see the dear voters.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

Mr.. and Mrs. Jack 'Hitson
visited Mrs. Hitson's mother
Mrs Espy. Clay Espy visited
his mother also this week.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

Remember the wheatless day,
and keep It wholly
Chicago Tribune
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

NEWS s1.Oo per year
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15
THE DOUBLE STANDARD
OIL & GAS COMPANY
PRICE OF STOCK 10 CENTS A SHARE

Capital Stock S10o. .00O., full paid. non assess
able,
800 invested in oil has paid $4,000, and
may do 80 here.
Wages never made man rich, but small
investment has.
STOCK SELLING AT 10 CENTS A SHARE
$50. BUYS 200 SHARES; $50. BUYS 500 SHARES
500. BUYS 1000 SHARES.
If desired, send cts share cash and 2 cts
per share each month.
Is % discount for all cash.
Figure what ir means'if it A1vsn to $1.0O
as others have done.
Our holdings in Wyoming, Oklahoms,
Kansas, Kentucky, Colorado Texas, where
wells produce as as 10000 barre's per day.
One 100 barrel we'll will pay S72OO0 90 a
year, which would enable US to pay 4qe month
dividends ON stock issned, as 50qe of net profit
to be paid in dividends to stockholders.
We are selling stock to increase holdings,
drill wells and pay.dvidends.
Buy now before it advances
GENERAL OFFICES: $50 Seventeenth ST.,
Boston Building,
Denver, Colorado.
VIM F. Reynolds Secretary.
Statesmen Wanted. Send rsfree oil MHp and
Lit5cltur5
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

it's dealings with Russia Germany willing to make
piece by piece New York Sum-
This the story of the who went shopping and found he
broke. This.istthe end of the story.
Taiban Valley news., 1918-03-15

)esI. Of Engineering,
State College, N. NJ.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
Leonard and Lewis
In Trial Contests

Both Benny Leonard, worlds light
weight champion, and Ted Kid Lewis,
w~elterweight title-holder, have de-
cided to participate in at least one
bout before. the date of their sched-
uled eight-round bout which Is to take
place at Weidenmayers Park, New
ark, Sept. %. Lewis has arranged
for a bout for tonight at the Olympia
A. A. Of Philadelphia, and Leonard
has closed negotiations for a contest
at the same club, scheduled for Sept.
16. These bouts, the boxers expect,
will be OF more han ordinary assist
aBce to them in perfecting their train
ing for the big match, Sept. 23.
Lewis will have for his opponent
Joe Eagan, a Boston weIterweight
who, while little heard of around here,
has a good reputation and is expected
to give the champion a hard bout.
The contest will be for six rounds, the
limit of bouts in Philadelphia.
Harry Pierce of Brooklyn will be
Sept. 16. They have boxed be-
fore and Pierce is confident he can
make the champion extend himself
over the six-round route. The Brook
Ignite has done considerable boxing in
out-of-town clubs, principally in Bos-
ton and Philadelphia, and he has
shown ability, despite his long years
Ol stINlCc IN Luos flnB. Against lTlbu
Patsy Cline of Harlem and George
CLANCY of Baltimore. Pierce recently
boxed In topnotch form.
Lewis and Leonard, meanwhile, are
training without Interruption. The
13S-pound king does his indoor work
in an uptown gymnasium, and occa-
sionally takes a jaunt over the roads
OF Central Park. His work as a box
ing instructor at Camp Upton has
tended to make Leonard take on
weight. butSthis superfiuous poundagc
the champion Is asst removing with
his stiff training stunts. Lewis does
his work at Long Branch, In the same
gymnasium where Jack Dempsey
trained for his memorable bout with
Fred Fulton. The welterweight class
leader is now well under h weight
figure for his bout with Leonard and
Is otherwise reported in good condi-
ton.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
VAUGHN BEATEN
AGAIN BY SOX
Boston Red Sox Take Third
Game of Series From
CHICAGO Cubs

CHICAGO. Sept. s:-The Boston
Red Soxetook the third game of tho
series for the 1918 championship by
defeating the Chicago Cubs by the
score of 81, giving them two games
to their credit, while the Cubs have
only one. This Chicago defeat was
the second in which Vaughn, the Cub
pitcher, participated in, he losing the
opening game to the Sox by a 10
score. Mays twirled pretty bali for
the Sox but was touched for longer
hits than was Vaughn. Both teams
left Chicago Immediately after the
game bound for Boston where the re-
mainder of The series win be played
How it happened:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
WARD-W|LSON
BOUT TONIGHT
Clever ~Lightweights to Meet
in Eight Round Mill
at L0t0S

The bill-of-fare for the Lotos. show
tonight which contains some very
savory dishes is all completed and
will no doubt tickle the palate OF the
most exacting fight fan. AS entrees
Joe McNulty will dish up two four
round bouts which will serve to whet
the appetites of the fans. Kid Leo
of Staten Island, who recently knock
ed out Young Blackie of Keyport,
will stack up against a fast boy. The
other four-round affair will also find
two clever boys with the mitts on.
Another appetizer will be the six
round semi-fnal go between Jack
Tracy Of Brooklyn, "the iron man"
and Harry McCrea of Newark. Tracy
earne the monicker of Iron Man.
a few weeks ago when after taking
q beating at the hands of Joe Forgi-
n at the Lotos Club, he went to
South Amboy the same night and re-
ceived another trimming from Young
Dillon at the Amboy A. c..
The main dish which from all indi-
cations will be a very tasty one will
bring together frankie Wilson OF
Morgan and George Ward of Eliza
beth for eight rounds. Reports from
Wilson's headquarters state that
frankie Is In tip-top shape and is de-
termined to cut short Wards victori-
Vi career. While from Elizabeth we
have 1t that Ward Is also in the pink
OF condition and expects to stop Will
son In the same ann as he has
his other three opponents at the
Lotos n that is by giving him a
gratis trip to dreamland.
Which of these men wins remains
to be seen but there sure will be
some crowds down from Morgan and
Elizabeth to root for their favorites
as both boys pull strong In their re-
spective towns.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
SAINTS BEAT
FORDS NINE
Saint Anthony Jrs. Win Final
Game and Series From
FordS

In an eighth-inning Suggest that
Melted them six runs, the Saints won
the final game of the Fords-Saints
series and also a side bet Both pitch
ers, Flynn and 500, twirled pretty ball
for sever innings. In the eighth the
Saints fell upon Soo's delivery and
after the smoke had cleared the
scorer announced that the Saints had
obtained six runs Billy Flynn held
the Flords team scoreless until the
ninth wheen he gave them the lone
tally which saved them from a shut
out.
Flynn Tanned ten. gave three hits
and walked two.
500 famed eight, allowed seven hits
and gave three bases on balls.
This victory gives the Saints the
light senior championship OF the
county.
The game the rain didn't stop.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09

The lightning rod was Invented by
Benjamin Franklin; cotton gin. by Eli
Whitney; friction matches. by John
Walker; the revolver. by John Colt;
electric telegraph. by Samuel +. B.
Morse, double cylinder printing press.
by Richard Hoe; sewing machine, By
Elias Eowe; Calling gun. by Richard
Gatlingi submarine cable. by Cyrus w.
Field telephone. by Alexander Graham
Bell; talking machine. by Thomas A.
Edison; automatic airbrake. by George
Westinghouse: rcaping machine. by
Cyrus Mccormick.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09

H. n. s. - ooloOOO %
Two-base hits-Jones. Mulligan,
Banzyk. Left on bases-Braves, 8:
HIN. s., 3. Bases on balls-On
Stocked. 8. Struck out-By Stocked,
8: by Brownmiller. IL. Double play
-Brownuiiller TO Pavese Il Jones.
Home run-Stockel.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
Do Not Get Careless
With Your Blood Supply

ing. A few bottles Of 8. s. s.. the
great vegetable blood medicine, VIII
r~eyitalize your blood and give you
new strength and healthy, vigorous
vitality. Everyone needs Il just now
70 keep the system in perfect eondi-
ton. Co to your drug stole and get
q bottle to-day. and II you need any
medical advice. you can obtain &
without cost By writing 10 Medical
Director. Swift Specific Co, Is Swift
laboratory Atlanta Ga
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
Junior Braves Trim
Holy Name In Tenth

After having the game on ice for
eight innings the Holy Name nine
cracked. allowing the Junior Braves
to score three runs in the ninth and
two more In the tenth and lost the
game. The H. N. s.. team scored n
run in the fourth and<held the pesky
Braves s~coreless for eight innings.
After the Braves had scored their
three runs in the first half of h ninth
the II. N. s. boys went after the
Braves and got two, evening up tho
score, but the two IN h tenth for
the Braves bunch, spelled defeat.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09

A kindergarten teacher was telling
the children In her department about
sparrows; concerning their ways and
habits. Among other things she said:
'aThe sparrows eat up the worms. Now
children. which would you rather have.
worms or sparrowsf" Tive never had
sparrows," piped up a tiny boy near
the front.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
Kilifer Bets Cigar
Against $1,000 and
WDI Cash Wager

CHICAGO, Sept. ga bet of a
ten-cent cigar against $1,000, made
as the result of a joke while the
Chicago National League team was
training at Pasadena, Cal, last
spring, has been won by ''Bill' Kill
lifer, catcher of the Chicago team,
1t was revealed today.
The loser, William Wrigley, one
of the clubs stockholders, wagered
the $1,000 that the team would
not win the National League PEN
nant. Killifer. who accepted II in
jest, had forgotten about the bet
until he was reminded of 1t by
Wrigley.
The sum will be added 10 KILL
fer's World Series share, Wrigley
said last night.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09

Fords A. Q. 20 0 90 0 0 0 Ii
Saints $4,000 o / 6 KS
Left on bases-Fords. 4; Saints. 6.
2. Struck out-By Flynn, 10; by 500.
s. Double play-T. Burke to Ma
loney. Umpire-Jeroski.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
Rutgers to Meet
Penn State Eleven

Rutgers College Is one OF the two
distinguished newcomers on the foot
ball schedule OF Pennsylvania State
College. This Is the first time hat
Rutgers will meet the Penn State
eleven on the gridiron. The game viii
be played on the State College
grounds on November 3. Cornell is
the other newcomer and win clash
with Penn state OF November . at
Tfhaca
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09

You should pay particular heed 20
any indication that your blood supply
Is becoming sluggish, or that there Is
q lesssning In its strong and vital
force
By keeping your blood purifed.
your SYSTEM more easily wards on
disease that Is ever present. waiting
10 attaek wieregs< there Is n open
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-09-09
comnIIment for Eather.

The o. of a travelling man recently
wrote his father that he liked all the
nice things that his father sent to him,
but said. BEST OF all. / would like you
to send yourself home"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
A STORY BY JUDGE WADE

One of the most effective allies
of the kaiser in America is the
grumbler, in the opinion of Judge
Wade. "You all know the fellow
who dejectedly declares that with
the Red Cross, the Army Y. the X.
c., the Liberty Loan and everything
Il don't know where we are coming
out, said the judge in his remarks
recently. Beware of that fellow for
he is about the kaiser's business. He
reminds me of the story told Of the
southern negro who was complaining
to a friend of the extravaganza of
his helpmate.
"Brudder, don know whar it is
goin' to end. That woman posters
me fQ' mo- money all de time. Just
last eek she asked me TO- $500 on
Monday, two more on Tuesday. Is
cents the next day, and tree dollohs
on Thursday. 1t is just like that
all de time. dom know what Use
goin' to do"
well, that is to bad. What does
she do with all that money, anyway"
asked the other. II don know"
bame the response. II haint give
her none yet"
That's about the way with the
folks who are always complaining
of the war burdens" added the
judge.-Muscatine Journal.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
NOTICE OF PROBATE OF WILL

District Court in and for Audubon
county.
State of Iowa, Audubon county, SIS.
To all Whom it May Concern:
Whereas, on the 23rd day of APP
ril. A. d. 1918. paper purporting
to be the last Will and Testament
of Mary f. Burnside, late of said
county. deceased, was filed in my
office. and was by me opened and
read, and the 3rd day of May, 1918.
appointed and fixed by special order
of court as the time when the same
will come before the Court at the
April term thereof then to be held,
for final proof and probate, as the
duly executed last Will and Tesla
ment of the said Mary E. Burnside
deceased, at which time all persons
interested may appear and show
cause why the same should not be
admitted to probate.
Dated this 23rd day Of April 1918
(SEAL) JOHN HORNING
Clerk.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
NOTICE

There is considerable complaint
in regard to the manner in which
automobiles are being operated with
in the city limits OF Audubon.
We have ordinances limiting the
rate Of speed at which automobiles
are to be operated within certain
sections of the city limits, and other
regulations in regard to same fully
prescribed.
Now these regulations are no
more than reasonable in order to
provide for the safety of the public.
We must ask that these regula-
tions be complied with by those op-
Grating automobiles within the city
of Audubon.
These regulations provide penal
ties for their violation, and we ex-
pect to enforce them.
Everyone will therefore take due
notice to comply with said regula-
tions. or suffer the penalties pro-
vided for said violation.
Dated at Audubon, Iowa, this 16
day Of April, 1918.
j. A. GRAHAM. Mayor
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
Seemed a Little Odd

They were driving together-he
and she-thinking. perhaps, Of the
day when they would pull the car of
life in double harness.
Presently they came to a secluded
lane. and the girl took the reins. The
man then slipped an arm around her
slender waist.
Gertrude" he said at length "are
other mans arm around your waist
as mine is now?"
"Of course not" she answered.
"Why do you ask?"
81 was just wondering" he said.
whether it was instinct or expert
ence that prompted you to take the
reins as soon as We came to this
shady spot"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
+ X \ X 4
BRAYTON

Mrs. Roscoe Essington had bad
fall asst week which resulted in q
badly broken ankle. She was taken
to the Atlantic hospital where the
injury was cared for and she is get
ting along nicely.
Garner Bartlt moved the first OF
the week to the Harry Miller resi-
dence, and George Hardwick has
moved to the house vacated by Mr.
Bartlett.
Mrs. Chris Knudsen, of Loveland
Colorado. is visiting friends here
Her mother. Mrs. II. P. Hansen, will
accompany her home.
Mrs. Will Stewart from near Shell
by, was the guest of her sister, Mrs
l.. C. Heath, over Sunday, returning
home Monday.
c. p. Andesen and wife have re-
ceived word that their sons, Mike
and Lars, shave arrived safely in
France.
Mr.. and Mrs. Crawford and daugh-
ter, Gretchen, of Atlantic, were call
ers at the A. E. Taylor home Sun
day.
Mrs. Harry Miller and baby de-
parted Friday for Fort Casey, Wash.
TO see Mr.. Miller, who is stationed
there.
George C. Hoegh has force of
men at work on the new garage he
started last falrl.
Dick Powers is i'll with pneumon-
ia at the home of his sister, Mrs.
F. L. Freeman
Mrs. L. C. Heath was a visitor at
the home of her son Lewis in At
lantic Monday.
Bena Blom came from Atlantic on
Monday to see her mother, who is
quite ill.
Andrew Andersen, who has been
i'll for some time, is able to be about
again.
Perry Lowers and family, of Lew
is, were calling on Brayton relatives
Sunday.
p. III. Jorgensen is building fine
new home on his farm just west of
town.
Earl Peters of Clarinda was in
Brayton last Thursday on business.
DR.. Koob and wife spent a couple
Of days in Omaha last week
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
Had Been at the Front

The tramp knocked at the back
door and the lady of the house ap-
peared.
Lady" he said, Il was at the
'front.'
"You poor man." she exclaimed,
zone of wars victims. Wait until
get you some food and you shall
tell me your story. You were in
the trenches, you say?"
mot in the trenches. was at the
'front.'"
Don't try to talk with your
mouth full. Take your time. What
deed of heroism did you do at the
'front.'"
why. I knocked, but I couldn't
make anybody hear so l came round
to the back"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
Bed is Useless

Old Mrs. Slypuss suffered from
rheumatism, and went to bed about
four times year, when neighbors
used to take her little drops of whis-
key to do her good.
Recently she went to bed as usual
but the expected whiskey was not
forthcoming, and the second day she
was found hard at work at the wash
tub.
Laws a mercy" cried her next
door neighbor. "Up already?"
Eyes, Mrs. Brown" was the tart
reply. you see whiskey's too dear
these days. so it was useless stoppin'
in bed"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25

Petition of J. c. Newton ct al for
change in road in Extra twp. was re-
ceived and placed on file.
In the matter of the claim of L..
p. Larsch, laid over at last meet
ing, was taken up and on motion the
sum of $4,000 was allowed in full
settlement of said claim as per stip-
ulation attached to claim, payment
to be made only after the approval
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
What She Would Take

At an Irish assize a deaf old lady
who had brought an action for dam
ages against her neighbor. was being
examined when the judge suggested
a compromise, and instructed coun-
sci to ask what she would take to
settle the matter.
"His lordship wants to know what
you will take" asked the learned
counsel, bawling as loud as he could
in the old lady's ear.
81 thank his lordship kindly" an
swered the old dame; "and if it's no
inconvenience to him. I'll take a lit
tie whiskey and water
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
Going to be Something

A colored man in Philadelphia re-
quested his employer to release him
so that he could go south.
What do you want to go for, La
fayette?"
Cos Use called to a church down
dar."
HCalled to a church? What are
you going to be?"
Use goin' to be sumpfin. dunno
whedder l be the pasture or de SEX
tant ar de vestryman, but Use goin'
to be sumpfin."
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25
An Insult

THAT burglar insulted me-"
"How?"
HE demanded my money or my
life
"Well?"
"All l had with me was sixty
cents, and he took that in prefer
ence to my life
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1918-04-25

Of judge Of district court of stipula-
ton as to claims of wards of said
l.. p. Larson.
On motion board adjourned to
meet again May 20, 1918.
Approved:
SOREN MADSEN, Chm.
Attest:
H. A. NORTHUP,
County Auditor