Evening star., 1918-04-09
THE OTHER ANGLE
Park Benches
By KIRK MILLER.

| We haven't any yelp on the way in
which this war is being distributed
among our bombproof pocketbooks,
amass a prize collection of telephone
! fodder If 1t decided to slap jitney
tax on park benches throughout the
summer months and an additional tax
Of 10 per cent during moonlight nights.
Now that somebody has plugged up
that leak through which old George
Winter donated such trapped weather
and made lumbago SO universal it
looks as II Uncle Sam could get more
nickels than a player-piano in a chop
suey rotisserie If he borrowed some
street car conductors or put cash reg
listers on the park benches. Everything
is fair in love and war. SO there could
be no kick from the youthful twain
and the war don't seem to be particular
| who foots the bill
With Miss Springtime occupying the
best suite in the hotel. and George
Winter having been issued a non-resi-
dent membership, the park benches are
unfolding like an accordion. and with
| sleeping space in Washington in such
great demand, why not rent out few
orchestra seats in the city's parks?
AS it is, lot Of birds pay the admis-
picture seats just for the chance to hit
the hay. but it's pretty tough to hit the
sleep in a modern movie when the
trombone chauffeur is hitting high C.
Bass drums are not conducive to slum-
Der. either, and orchestras must have
their bass drums. same as stamps must
be sticky on the port side.
A tour of Washington's film theaters
will easily convince the newcomer who
can't buy room and bath honestly,
which movie has the most affable up
holstery. One of the proprietors took
out the cushioned chairs for warm
| weather and inserted wicker seats
where only plush grew before.
The next day one Of his regular cash
customers accosted him in the lobby
and said he wasn't going to separate
| himself from any more intricately
| earned money. because the new chairs
didn't at his hips. Also that the flute
player and electric fans needed ball
his nights rest Easily!
| With spring weather and spring mud
1 right on our heels, lot of these movie
somnambulists are going to transfer
most of 'em won't need any moving
vans. The sleeping movie addict can
usually carry his extra change Of linen
in his vest pocket with his postage
stamps and plugged nickels.
| When spring uncurls he asks for
change of venue to the park bench
| league, where the ventilation is good
and people don't crawl over his lap go
ing and coming.
The fountain in the municipal recrea-
tion parlor don't gurgle half SO loudly
as the cornet rattles and goldfish
sleep nor in anybody elses.
| So it looks as If the gents who are
harvesting the money that is going to
tip the waiter who serves this war are
overlooking a lot of loose change
good and loose.
All they have to do is nail up a "pay
as YOU exit" sing on the park benches
and they will be surprised at the num-
Der of slackers who will stop sticking
and fight the war instead Of the au-
thorities.
Parks are breeding places for folks
| who think they are exempt from the
war and the outgo tax and II they find
| they have to pay for being slackers
they'll probably turn democratic and
take a chance on trench feet and round
| shoulders from carrying hero medals.
Let's rattlet