Arizona republican., 1918-05-05
For Sale Miscellaneous

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 AM SELLING HOME and will sell practically new, s55O upright piano for SS25. You can assume contract. Call 535 F. Portland. n
 FOR SALE-lO0 shares of U. $. Vanadium, at 75 cents per share. Box 1854 Republican. m
 AN OPEN LETTER-My dear little black eyed waitress: Did you take of fense at my facetiousness yesterday? was in a playful mood, dear grille, and perchance a Hectic gay" but sweetie, no harm was intended, and as for trying to bruise your toes mean feelins,-O wouldnn't do it for worlds! Because l got my rhyn- ing cap on, must not astonish you, for my noodle isn't poised quite as near a plumb line, as the ordinary mortal, and being prone to what is termed "a loving weakness" like all spoon ers," 1 lean toward the poetical. When you asked me If l preferred sauce, and I replied, yes, but from you, no sass," methought, my pretty lass. as 1 lowered voice to basso, that you'd take this as gas, but honey, you evil dently had not been to mass, when you whispered, you ass" for all flesh is grass, and adocyncracies, you should pass:-but alas! alas. as the polly boo would say, Les Paiz''- Now I would like to make amends, for really you have me smitten, charming tottie.-You say your name s Kitty, oh but that's pretty, and sug- gestive of ditty-perchance twill be mitty, which be a pity, cen if Gecrgie is skitty. There I go again, jingling Now listen, you:
 My eyes, how I love you,
 You sweet little dove you
 There's no one above you,
 Thou beauteous kitty.
 And now. dearest Kitty,
 It's not very pretty
 Indeed its a pity
 To hold me in sorrow!
 So, if you'll but chime in,'
 I'll banish all rhymin;
 Swap Cupid for Hymen,
 And marry tomorrow.
 The Weeks Doins
 Monday-Sold the hind legs of ar old dresser; got a stiff promise fol part payment soon:-am happy.
 Tuesday-Sold an odd bed rail; lady returned it;-cussed the life out ol me because it wouldn't fit. Fee leetle squeamish.
 Wednesday-Visited the "Hoolel Roolers"; got it square in the neck Said I was a HebreW-Dago-Hu Slav-Bohunk mixed with canniba propensities; then they prayed. I fee relieved.
 Thursday-Sold a cream separator Returned Ha dthe cream bow mashed over my spherical nub;-fel creamy ever since.
 F'riday-Bad luck;-Traded dancing pumps for a Mexico kiss. Shoe: had paper soles, they busted whilc she was jumping the Thu haas" Or return had a hot tamale squasheC over my grinning face. Feel badly now.
 Saturday-Tried hard to sell enougl to make a per cental payment on boy. wages failed. They brushed m' down: l mean up. Joints are now stiff:-Have advertised with Dun bar" for a cane;-Stomach's weak.
 Sunday - Assumed penitence: -- sworn off:-Sent for the Priest:- Acknowledged to being d-- hypocrite:- Priest agreed. Mor prayer: Absolution given by prom ising to return stolen junk: Fee now like whipped Badger; am look ing for a hole to crawl in-Query what next?
 You see, dear friends, l have man, troubles-Give me sympathy, mike, with metal. Don't forget that I bur in quantities, or piecemeal. Hay you visited the new store wher only new goods are sold? Remembe my motto-Quick sales and smal profits.
 Ford's Stores 40 s. Central Ave. | Phone 1776