The Washington herald., 1918-05-18
Bye, Bye. Julia.

Bye, Bye, Julia.
Two o'clock Thursday morning.
The milk man and the bread man
F, are just shutting of the alarm clock,
! preparatory to getting up and going
| to work.
All respectable people in bed. At
/ least they should be there.
Cop spots Julia Gosnell strolling
along Ninth street.
Looks several times at her She
looks at him. Wonders II he has good
| sense.
"watcha doin' out here this time
of night?" asks cop.
"Taint night" snaps Julia, '1t's
! mawnin'. End wot All am doin' here
! is my bizness. Satisfied now. Is yo7"
mot at ALL" answers COP. Come
/ along with me. Wanna see you on
some important business"
Said business being the lookup with
little or no ceremony.
Trial develops that Julia lives in the
! streets. She Is a regular vamp, II
! seems.
Living in the street IL cheaper than
| paying rent to a profiteering landlord.
/ Tain't respectable, though.
mas TcCOTu. IL III lCNNSAo
at headquarters.
Several times the cops have tried to
put Julia away for the benefit Of the
! community. They have heretofore
failed. No evidence.
They had plenty this time. Sixty
days worth.
Comes now the plaintiff Annie
Riley.
Said plaintiff being the mother-in-
law Of Rice johnson.
Plaintiff tells court that son-in-law
threw a chair at her apd broke two
of her false teeth.
Defendant johnson denies charge.
Says mother-in-law stumbled and fell
on the chair.
A dozen or more witnesses who don't
know anything about IL, take the
stand. They de- not enlighten the
court one bit.
Appears that mother-in-Iaw has
been supported by son-in-law ever
since she became a mother-in-law.
Recently son-in-law notified her
that he was going to move. Plans for
tho new domicile failed to include the
plaintiff mother-in-law.
She got sore. So It seems. Words.
Slurs. Bad names. Clinches. Fight.
Wife ran out for safety.
Mother-in-law imagined she saw
razors, guns, briokbats and gatling
guns Didn't Sc anything at all.
That il why she stumbled and fell.
Thought son-in-law pushed her.
Told court that son-in-law was a
bandit. murderer. army deserter.
Court was convinced that son-in-
law was a gentleman and a worthy
member Of the community. Let him
20 free. That's all
Just q Slight Disagreement.
Ever since Washington has been
dry, John Tomlinson has had a bot
tie OF good whisky in his clothes
closet.
Catching a slight cold one day. John
bottle; took a long pull.
He screwed up his face as the stun
trickled down his throat.
He looked at the bottle. 1t was not
the one that he had hid away seven
months ago.
Someone had played q mean trick
on him His bottle had been substi-
tuted by a bottle of cheap Baltimore
liquor not Mt 10 orlnk.
He asked Charlie Carter. his room
mate, about It But Charlie denied
knowing anything about it.
"Yo Is q dam liar" snapped John.
Me en- 70 Is de only ones wot know
ed ennything bout dat odder bottle"
Come outen de street en- call me
a liah." challenged Charlie.
John accepted. They both locked
horns in the street and fought to
beat the band.
Several hundred people watched the
fight and enjoyed it till the cops
broke II up.
Both pleaded guilty and paid fines
Of S each and went on their way.
Who Stole MIIk.
One morning this week Teresa Corn
well placed a bottle Of milk on the
window sill Of her kitchen window.
She had used q little out Of the
bottle for breakfast and set the rest
aside for her husbands lunch.
At noon when she raised the win
dow to get the milk 1t was gone. But
the bottle was still there.
She raised the roof for q while.
Hubby came home for lunch and she
told him about it.
Manlike, he didn't say much. He
refused to cry over stolen milk. A
few cents more or less was not worth
losing his head about, he thought
But Teresa kept fussing and fuss
ing. Suddenly she jumped at hubby
and told him 1t was all his fault. Gust
like a woman)
Woman, ef you doan shet up en-
Iemme alone bout dat dam milk.
Gawd knows what All won't do to
you," he remarked in disgust.
"Yo is all he time picking on me,
yo is" Teresa retorted, zen hits high
time All put a stop to 1t. Me for de
courthouse right away quick
Hubby was arrested for making
threats. He was very much surprised.
Luckily he had enough witnesses to
Offset Teresa's testimony and the
court, after sizing things up. released
him on personal bonds.
Poor LIP Li.sie.
Pity the poor fiivver that gets In
the way of a seven ton truck.
And think of what might happen
il the fiivver gets sassy. which it
is very apt to do.
The other day a big truck, load
ed with safes backed up in a down.
town alley.
Right in its way stood q little
machine, the pride of Detroit
One or the other had to give way
but the question was which of