davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
AMERICANS FOUND IN WILDS
Native Tongue Is Heard in Back Hills
of AIbania-May Come Homo
After the War.

The other day my ambulance
pulled to the side of an A ibanian
mountain road to let a rus ic two
wheeled cart pass by. The driver
wore a red fez, a shirt with tail out
side the white tights, a tattered
Jacket, and shoes that ended with
pompons on the upturned toes. Of
all the men I had ever met he ap-
peared the most foreign, relates
Harry W. Frantz in the New Repub-
lie. As he passed by, the horse SHE'D
at the sound of the motor. The Al
bantam grinned.
"Scared to DEATH" he said in good
English. Perhaps after the war he
will return to America.
Once [ went far back in the hills
to shot to pieces village surrounded
by barbed wire, in a region infested
by comatajes, or brigands, to bring
out a fever-stricken poilu. My
French was insufficient for the de-
livery Of instructions. The sergeant
sents boy away. In two minutes
an Albanian hillman, picturesque in
his native garb, came to me and Of
fered his hand. He had once been a
miner in southwestern Missouri, and
in response to my query admitted
that he would like to go back.
"Maybe after the war;" he added.
Along the streets of one town are
numerous crude blacksmith shops
where Albanian blacksmiths make
ugly hobnails and iron shoes for the
donkeys which are used about the
country. One of the blacksmiths
worked long time in the United
States. Now, the owner of his own
shop, he earns the equivalent of $3.50
a day. He recalls the time when he
made that sum twice daily and had
a fine time spending it.
"You bet I'd like to go back" he
confesses.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
PRINCE MARRIED BY PROXY
Ex-oueen Maria Sophia of Naples,
Welded Heir of King Bomba, Pa
rents Making the Bargain.

We need not accompany Colonel
Sanders back to Plantagenet times
for examples of marriage by proxy,
says the London Chronicle, nor agree
with Sir John Simon that under the
system princes always chose their
wives. Ex-Queen Maria Sophia of
Naples, who still lives, was invited
by the infamous King Bomba to wed
his heir. The young people had
never met, and neither of them had
a voice in the matter until their pa
rents had concluded a bargain. Not
till then was the Bavarian princess
shown a portrait Of her future hus-
band. "Is he really as ugly as he
is represented ?" she repeatedly asked
on her way to Naples.
The marriage by proxy was per-
formed at her own home, the late
Prince Leopold of Bavaria being the
dummy husband. When bride and
bridegroom eventually met she found
herself more unfortunate than her
sisters, the Empress Of Austria and
the ill-destined Empress of Mexico;
for her bridegroom, a poor, loutish
creature, was frightened of her. He
could not speak German; she had no
italian. When she entered a room
he would skip behind an arras, wait
ing to creep out unnoticed. If caught
he would stand dumb before her. So
much for marriage by proxy.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HE MUST DRINK FAIR.

"Germany's mouth for conquests
and annexations is as big as ever it
was" said an actor at a luncheon.
Germany is like the second heavy.
ga second heavy had very, very
large mouth. One evening the COM
pany gave party, and on toward the
small hours the refreshments began
to run out. 1t was long time be-
tween drinks. Finally, though, a
fresh pint Of whisky was brought in.
FWhat'll you have?' the chair
man asked the second heavy.
GA mouthful of whisky said he.
"'No, you won't, son. said the
chairman. You'll have just the same
as the rest of u.s."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
QUITE UNNECESSARY.

'T suppose you will start to learn
ing French as soon as you get
abroad" unused the fair girl, with
glance at her engagement ring.
ooh, yes" replied the young man
in khaki.
'FWell, I wish to say right here and
now that you needn't bother about
learning the French equivalent of
4 love YOU I wouldn't understand
it if you said it to me, and 1 don't
want you saying it to anybody who
would understand"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HOW TO RESTORE CLOTHING
Carefully Brush Before Laying Away
and 1t Will Regain Its
Original Luster.

1t is surprising to see how a suit
of clothes carefully brushed and put
away renews itself and comes out
with almost the original luster. In
these days of remuneration, the
Christian Register notes, it is worth
while to postpone the buying of the
usual supply Of clothing until test
is made of the responsibility of the
suit in its second year.
Responsibility in men and women
is in England not dependent upon
clothes. Indeed, it is wonderful to
see an aged couple of high rank
travelling, waited on by funkies in
spotless livery, while the noble lord
and lady are as dowdy as if they had
come out of an old couples home.
At one of our conferences at Sara
toga the president one day carried
on his arm a light overcoat SO
shabby that young minister said
that no minister would dare to wear
such a coat. 1t takes some courage
and much self-respect to make a
man Independent of his clothes.
Just now it might be considered a
mark of patriotism if man should
be believed to contribute to the COM
mon cause of national defense and
foreign good-fellowship the money
he saved by not replenishing his
wardrobe this season.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
| ANTS MILK THE APHIDS
Insects Give Up as contentedly as a
Cow, in Return for Food
and Shelter.

How successive generations of
ants learn to milk the aphids is a
mystery that cannot be explained on
any theory of heredity, for, as the
Journal of Heredity points out, the
ants which do the milking are work.
ers, sexless insects that leave no off
spring. "It is, therefore, quite i'm
possible that they should transmit
their training to offspring which
they DO not leave"
The milk" which the aphids give
up to the ants as contentedly as a
COW gives her milk, is the juice Of
plants sucked up by the aphids and
transformed in their bodies to a
sirup of invert sugar or glucose.
This is the so-called "honey dew"
often found in vast quantities on
plants. Some species of ants merely
lick this up, but others strike the
aphids to persuade them to "give
down." just as the hired man of the
farm induces the COW.
In return for this service the ants
fight the enemies of the aphids,
carry them to safety in times of dan
ger, take care of their eggs, place
the aphids where they will get the
best of food and shelter them in
their nests in cold weather. The
aphids like the arrangement, for they
never try to escape.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
DOES AMERICA KNOW

That WAR going in Europe?
That the WAsTAGE on the British front alone is 1000
A DAY9
That present of 100000 AIRsH1Ps he Allies will
the front?
That when America o France the men must
FED and CLOTHED and given GUNS?
That the MAINTENANCE of army at front
of desert?
That England had build DOCKS in Northern
France receive her transports2
That it's like offering ELEPHANT to baby to offer
to France American troops without maintenance
THAT EVERY DAY THERE ARE FEWER MEN LIVING IN
THAT THIN HUMAN WALL WHICH DIVIDES GERMANY FROM
YORK?
That there REALLY things SHELLS and BOMBS
and POISONOUS GAS and LIQUID flame
things strike you, they HURT?
That either:
IT'S ITO AMERICA TO STRAIN EVERY NERVE OF
EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND FINISH THIS WAR PROP
ERLY
IT'S UP TO EVERY NORWEGIAN IN THE UNITED
STATES TO HAND OVER so MUCH PER WEEK OUT
OF HIS WAGE FOR TIE REST OF HIS NATURAL
EXISTENCE INTO GERMANYS POCKETBOOK AND
PAY FOR THIS WAR PROPERLY
MUST WAR PUT IT'S IRON FINGERS ON THE THROAT OF
EACH SMALL TOWN OF THE UNITED STATES BEFORE
AMERICA RUBs IT'S EYES AND YAWNs AND TRIEs-Too
LATE-To JUMP CUT OF BED?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HENS.

A schoolboy, writing description
of hens, said:
"Hens is curious animals; they
don't have no nose, nor no teeth, nor
no ears. They ewallows their whites
whole, and chew it up with their
crops in their chests. The outside
of hens is generally put into pill
lows or made into feather busters"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
THE INSTALLMENT PLAN.

"They must be very rich?"
"Why SOP"
"Their house is filled with period
furniture"
"And mine is full of periodic fur
niture."
"What kind is that"
at was paid for at thirty-day in
tervals."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
A CONFIDENT ASSERTION.

"Rome wasn't built in a day." re-
marked the cautious man.
"No," replied the manager of a
skyscraper construction company.
'But it could have been if they had
given us the contract"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
NOTICE OF DISSOLUTION.

Notice is hereby given that the partnership hereto;
fore existing between Morris Macker al and Michael
Clothing Company of Lambertvile, N j. is this second
day of January, 1918, dissolved by mutual agreement
Morris Mackler will continue the business and collect all
bills due the firm.
Morris Mackler.
Michael Charnofsky.
Lambertville N. j., Jan. g. 1918
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
SELDOM WHAT THEY SEEM.

She-The devil isn't always as
black as he's painted.
He-Nor is a woman always as
pink.-London Answers.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
A TENDER THOUGHT.

He-May I tender you some
chicken?
She-I wish you would. It's too
tough to eat the wav it is.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
CAUSE AND EFFECT.

"Your friend yonder has quite an
elastic step"
"Yss; he has just been drinking
cherry bounce"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
THE SITUATION.

Friend (gayly)-Say, how did
you get in the house when you went
home so late last night?
Staylate (glumly)-I got in bad.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
ITS CALDER.

$50 you are renting steeds for
alternate occasions. How do you
find the day horse?"
cit turned out a nightmare"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
CAUSE AND EFFECT.

"He generally has such loose
methods"
chats so and they usually land
him in tight places"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
ON THE ROAD.

"Believe me, I'm going to feather
my nest"
"YesP I see you have already
feathered your hat"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
EXACTLY so.

"I saw quite an appropriate COM
bination the other night"
'What was it?"
'Some birdmen on a lark"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
WAR TALK.

Parents-Johnny, you can't have
a second helping.
Johnny-What's the matter3
Don't you feed neutrals Puck.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
TRIED WRONG MAN.

''He's practical joker, isn't he ?"
"Not very practical; he tried one
of his jokes on guy larger than
himself."-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
AT THE TABLE.

"Do you know anything about
camoufage?"
"No, never eat foreign cheeses."
Lamb.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10

'Here's quarter, Willie; now you
keep away from that keyhole tonight
when George calls"
'Dat'll fix me alright, but it'll cost
you a quarter apiece to keep the rest
of the gang away"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
AN ISLAND.

"Chimmie, what's a island?"
"Why, it's a place where you can't
git away from without boat. p
Peoples Home Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
1T USUALLY is.

'1 thought I had rather good
ending for my speech"
eyes, the ending was the best part
Of it."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
ACCOUNTING FOR 1T.

"That forger sings thorough bass
in the prison quartette."
81 suppose that is how he came to
utter forged notes."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
NOT NOW.

'Iife in Washington whets ones
appetite for excitement"
"I understood life in Washington
just now was very dry"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HIS INHERITANCE.

Father-When | was small boy
I was left an orphan.
Tommy-What did you do with
it?-Tit-Bits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
NO WONDER.

"There was packed jury in that
case"
Naturally. 1t was trunk MUIR
der mystery"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HIS STANDARD DIET.

'Does the food question bother
you much, old man?"
~No; they haven't started beanless
DAYS vet"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
UNUSUALLY GOOD.

"Is he good to his wife?"
every. He never even reminds
her that it is his money she is
spending"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
HIS KICK.

care you fond of amateur theat-
ricals?"
eyes, but not at professional
prices"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10
Does America Know?

ruth Wright Kaufman special correspondent of The Vgantes
sends the following appeal from PARISH
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-10

MUST WAR PUT IT'S IRON FINGERS ON THE THROAT OF
EACH SMALL TOWN OF THE UNITED STATES BEFORE
AMERICA RUBs ITS EYES AND YAWNs AND TRIEs-Too
LATE-TO JUMP CUT OF BED?
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
none TOO SOON
FORTFY YOUR
BODY FOR SPRING
With the Seasons Change
Near at Hand Urgent
Reasons Arise for TAX
ing Nerv-Worth.

It is not in the least necessary fer
the reader to carry into the coming
spring those 5urdensome ills OF the
flesh, which the long and trying win
ter has loaded upon the system,
In Nerv-Worth the tonic and NeTv-
Worth the new laxative tablets win
ter-weakened mortals have combin-
alton unequaled IN its power, first to
cleanse the system and then to whet
the appetite, and digestion. add flesh,
rouse the liver, regulate the bowels,
Danish sick and nervous headaches
and other aches and pains, repair dis
ordered nerves and build up rundown
Don't wait for the seasons actual
change. summon Nerv-Worth-Tonic
and Tablets-to your aid now. An
ounce Of prevention is worth pound
of cure. Nip the spring chills aud fe-
vers and varied weaknesses in the
bud. Spike the guns OF disease. Make
your vital organs so strong that dis
ease will be powerless to drive them
from their trenches OF health
Cranes Drug Store sells Nerv-Worth
in Fairmont. YouS dollar back II this
famous family tomb does not help you
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
lILIG 10 fI @
down TIE KAISER
Amusing Stories That Crop
Up in Internal Revenue
Offices.

WASHINGTON. D. c.. March A.
What is The Government 20 do with a
taxpayer who orerpays his income tax
and refuses to accept a refund? This
is the problem which confroats the
Bureau OF Internal Revenue. Several
such instances have come 10 the atten-
ton OF the Bureau through collectors
OF internal reTenrs. O2e man in Cal
ifornia overpaid his tax and when re-
minded OF it said he d;GD': want Il
back because lit was in a d good
cause and / ha7e they Kill the Kaiser"
Another man in Kansas paid S4S more
than his due. The collector wrote TO
him twice about il and the last time
received from the taxpayer a letter
stating that he 6idn'; want to be
bothered about these small amounts.
and wanted the Government 10 buy
ammunition whit. He also cypress
cd hope for the kaiSer'S sudden de-
mise.
The Bureau Of Internal Revenue
with the approval of The Secretary OF
the Treasury has extended the time
for filing income and excess profit
returns from March l 10 April l.
Taxpayers. however. are urged not
to put off this important duty, as TO
delay until after April / renders the
DELINQUENT subject TO 4 fine of not less
than $50. nor more than $1,000 and an
additional assessment OF 30 per cent
OF the amount due.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
Humphreys Goes
With Draftees

Bert Humphreys. former constable
at Grant Town. passed TIE physical
examination at Warrington on Satur-
day and viii so away with the drafted
men today.
Humphreys had been charged with
bootleggirs and in evading arrest he
exchanged shots with a posse compos-
ed of deputy sheriffs. His arrest fol-
lowed a sensational dash by auton1o-
bile to Pennsylvania. he being pulled
across the State line at Blackvi1le-
Judge Haymcnd sentenced him TO
~eave six months and that had elapsed
except eighteen days so he was dis
charged.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
MONDAY EVENING, MARCH A. 1918.
CARRACE cOLLEcTTOM.

low that the city government has decided to go ahes d
with the collection of garbage at the expense OF the
householder the members of the Board of Control!
face to face with few hard facts, and it time for
them to ceyote lot of serious thought to them so that
they will know how when difficulties and disputes
arse If they do think Tins matter out IN advance the
whole experiment IS gong 10 be failure
To besn with the garbage collection service Will have
10 be whole lot more satisfactory than it has been III
tie past Their are lot Of people IN -almont who arc
not at all sure the city ever had garbage collection so
N the main been unusually good natured about it. bu now
that the city has added SIX dollars per year to the nnse
pal taxes Of every householder in the garbage collection
limits the service will have to be kept high plane OF
efficiency there Will be complaints OF the KIND mat
cannot be disposed of with smile and an excuse
To be of any practical use from sanitary STANDPOINT
The garbage of every householder apartment dH:ellef
business establishment and manufacturing concern INSIDE
the arbaqe collection district will have to be taken care
f al regular intervals How 10 make all see THIS who may
object to paying the monthly fec and how keep the rev.
enue from the service up the point where 1t Will not IN
deficit If there any considerable number VINO TeIe
TO paw will BE- feel OF he most PSr!e%'n8
of The problems which they viii have 20 face at CITY hall
IN this connection But face it they must
For time may be found necessary to increase the
size Of the sanitary police force both 70 sec thai the people
o have garbage arc preparing that the garbase man
take it away and to check up the work OF the s2r-
baqe collectors themselves he ultimate success OF an
undertaking Of this character very frequently depends upon
The yav in which it is begun. We a1c not lar from the
annual spring clean up period and will be good plan
10 start the garbage collection off with sanitary
crusade which for the time being will make garbage ana
t,nicapI hygiene loom almost large IN the aF'on'
uind as does the great war.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
~ APPREcIATNoN.

From the c. c. C. Mutual NdaEaEine.
Our attention IS forcib;S called 4o
the cooperation OF the two neGSp
pers 2ublis shed with the coal SRduSt
The Fa!rnonc West Virgfniaa and tie
Fairmont Times. which papers en19S
:. large circulation at the mines in5tse
West Virginia Division, do much 70 en-
tighten the miners and others Twins
in our vicinity OF the Issues OF the cay
and OF what IS going on in the outside
world.
We appreciate the accurate inforn1a-
ton secured through these channels
and wish to take this opportunity &c
congratulate both FairInont papers or
their excellent publications and up-to
.he-n;inu:e news Those OF Us LIVING
a. the various mining plants eaGefi9
watch for The arrival Of these Uese.
papers.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
County Court
Grants Letters

Nue., business was transacted BY
the county court late Saturday after
noon. there having been seven letters
granted in as many Estates These
appointments were made and. con-
firmed:
katherine 1icDonough, executor Of
the estate OF Anthony NcDonough.
The bond was fixed at $500 and the
bcndsman is Mrs. Catharine Nc
Donocgh.
!. ]. HeiskeIl. executor OF the estate
OF Sanford Hayhurst. The bond was
fixed at $4,000 and the bondsmen are,
Frederic NanGilder and Luke Rogers
f. R McClelland.> executor OF the
estate Of AIalisse McCray. The bond
was fixed at $500 and the bondsmaD
is D. B. Snider.
Mabel L. Hall. executor OF Sarah
Elizabeth Hall. The bond was fixed
at $4,000 but the security is waived by
Elizabeth Harris. administrator Of
the personal estate of Albert Han.
The bond is fixed at $500 and tbs
bcndsmen are: A. B. JOHN and D. ~
Harris.
A. Howard Fleming. administrator
of the personal estate of Arlington
Fleming. The bond was fixed at So
900 and Glenn F. Barns is the bonds'
man.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-04
ASSIGNED c4RS IND R4ZLRoADs

ASSIGNED C4RS md R4ZLRoADS.
q NCE 4 Unopened and the whole county has had TO
suffer because oft many newspapers have been at
tributing the collapse Of the railroads 10 mistaken
public policy with regard TO them and have taken to
abusing Interstate Commerce commission with warmth
and eloquence that wares accordance with the breadth
and ability of the papers
The West Vrsn:an has never taken mach stock m that
theory The regulatory bodies probably did keep the
railroads upon margin that narrow tor the good
Of the whole country. but the underlying trouble was that
the roads were beng upon such usehleVots pr1n-
ce that neither the Interstate Commerce commissioner nor
the representatives of the Shipping interests tet aat they
dared look beyond the questions night under their noses
to the greater ones beyond lest something unforeseen ano
terrible should happen
The result Of course that something unforeseen ana
terrible did happen but the roads will have share the
responsibility Likewise they Will have to reform tunoa-
period after the war; and that brings to the refual OF
the eastern roads to agree the proposal to wipe OUT me
assigned fuel system which helped to oompheate Tue
great fuel problem of the country during the present. VIM
ter The roads advance number of reasons toy wanting
the ASSIGNED car system to be retained but every one VINO
!. ar ali familiar with the situation knows that all oos
iov7 to desire to retain possession OF an adVaneaee
which the roads now have over all other users OF tue
The railroads strong for treating every one else 9lA
but they are opposed when attempt MADE 70
aDnlv il to them Well they may for the time beng
m this assigned car matter but the end in this Just as
IN the financing which brought the crisis winch threw
the transportation plant of the country into the hands OF
the government practically stripped OF motive power ana
9TH an INADEQUATE amount of rolling stock. at time when
The treasures Of the roads carrying surluSes amount
mo 10 hundreds of millions. they gong TO Hnd that
This is a square deal country and that the raroads arc 0
a privileged class