Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-07-27
Mr.. Dulcet's Confession


me to the eminence where l now stand.
My first ambition was to have a poem
accepted by the Pacific Monthly. / wrote
one and submitted it to the editor, taking
precaution not to inclose any stamps, 50
tnat he could not return it. To my amaze
ment the editor telegraphed me to come
70 see him at once. l did He took
me to his club for lunch and with tears in
his eyes begged me not to continue writing.
"If l were to publish this poem," he said,
"al my readers would insist on every.
thing else in the magazine coming up to the
same high standard. That would be i'm
possible and the magazine would be ruined.
You would spoil our readers taste for the
simple little things we are able to procure
for them. mplore you. Mr.. Dulcet" (he
said ito embark upon another career No
man of your majestic, nay. your prodigious
talent, has any right to ruin the prospects
of the thousands of other writer's who are
trying to do their best. American literature
would be disorganized by the appearance
Of such a piece as this. Better that you
should starve than all the other writer's
of this hemisphere should be thrown out
of employment at one sweep Shaking
with emotion. he pressed the manuscript
into my hand and fed.
did not question the sincerity of this
great man continues Mr.. DulceO and for
long time l respected his entreaty. 7
did not quite see. however why I should
lose the pleasure of seeing my work in
print just because Alfred Noyes. Ella
Wilcox and Henry van Dyke would COM
nit suicide when they saw my stuff.
Happily IMr. Dulcet proceeds) there was
established later on in my native city
an enterprsinE restaurant which proposed
to persuade the public into its dining
rooms by Il liberal use of the seductions of
rhyme The proprietor of the cafe offered
to employ me to write a daily poem ex.
tolling the special dishes of the day The
verse was to be brief, excellent in rhyme
and rhythm, and lettered largely on
dodgers of paper which were to be pasted
on the front of the plateGlass show win
iows AS an added attraction. instead of
the customary whie-capped chef cooking
griddlC cakes in the window, ! was to sit
there at a desk with my pen and ink, toss
ing off the rhyme for the next day. AS at
the time when this offer reached me had
not eaten for two days, you may imagine
accepted without hesitation and my
pledge to the editor of the Pacific was
thrown to the winds.
1t is Neasant iobServes Mr.. DulceO to
recall that time, but it was very trying to
experience. l was not paid in cash, but
in meal checks; and these were not given
I hD1 fniS hn nf
| verses. l was given the chefs menu for
| the following day, and surrounded by the
maddeningly suCculent odors of chops and
steaks and frzzling onions, l sat in the
| window endeavoring to find rhymes for
| such awkward words as pOrtcrhOuse and
| casserole My invention was sharpened
| by hunger and by the curious gaze of the
| throngs who watched me through the WIN
| dows. ! shall never forget some of those
| ditties: they sometimes recur to me even
now when l sit down to luxurious meals in
company with the editors of the Chatting
| Dish, the North American Review, the
| New Republic and the Investors Annual
Here are some of them:
| Our rumps and hanks
! Deserve your thanks;
| our cabbage, too
| Would tame shrew.
| Tasty bts
| Pass your bride;
| Try our sChnitZel
| And a sedel.
| Sing ballad
OF lobster salad.
Let the public
Know you've chowed:
| Our fried onions
Thin the crowd
| Fresh baked shad
Is far from bad
| / have always thought (resumes Mr.. Dull
ceU that my knack was rather for the
| epigrammatic and terse. Often / wa,
| spurred by the pangs of hunger to ejacu
late couplets that have rarely been sur
passed for singing brevity and point. Tt
| wit:
| Ham and suet-
| No need to chew 1t.
| Filet of sole
| VIII plug that hole.
Feed your face
With picked plaice.
1ripe and knuckles-
| Your widow chuckles
| Our table d'hote
| VIII get your goat.
Eggs fried double,
An end of trouble
I feel sure by this time (NIr. Dulcet cor
cludes) that the editor of the Pacific wa
not entirely sincere in what he said. Fo
though l continued writing these salvo
for the Rhyming Restaurant for NOR
than year, Henry van Dyke and tn
others did not even whimper. In fact.
might have been doing 1t still had not tn
restaurant failed and turned to highe
| forms of art. ] hope this is the kind {