Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-04-24
EMERGENCY QUIPYARDS
LAUNCH VAST PUN
By CHRISTOPHER MORLEY
LAUNCE

humor, such as sarcasm and parody. You
will understand that what We are con.
ccrned with is the pure milk of the word"
"Thc hay fever season is coming along"
l said. surely that will do something to
relieve the situaton?"
Perhaps" lie said. "And, thank heaven
VIC hav. two cX-Prcsidcnts in active circu.
lation. But you don't realize that large
acrcagcs of humor that used to yield splen-
did crops have now gone sterile. Take
suffrage, for instance, or boomers, or col
lege professors. These things are no longer
jokes; they are stern realities"
U AND now" said the Administrator, 81
"A have to go down to the qupyard
to supervise the launching OF a new pun.
We are depending greatly on our fleet of
swift, unsuitable puns to beat the sub
marines. Preserve the Puns and Punish
the Huns You can come with me If you
wish Al the greatest jokcrs in the coun.
try will be thcre--thc Weather Man. the
editors of Chicago newspapers Mayor
Smith Of Philadelphia, the writer's OF sum-
mer resort booklets for the railroads and
the men who make up the berths In Pull
man cars. They form a jury of experts to
inspect each new pun. When they pass
upon 1t we know 1t is unsinkable."
What sort of drydocks do you use to
construct these puns?" ! asked.
I'VE non't use drydocks," he said I'VE
use paradox"
VNHE quipyard was a magnificent place.
l. 7 saw there the shimmerirg, iridescent
keels of several new buns that had lust
been laid down. Tho work Is very danger.
Gus, was told an, ambulance was carry
ing off laborCr who had heen attacked
by hystcria while riveting a quaint con.
celt that lay half-fnished in one of the
paradox. we get as many New Eng
landers AS possible for this work" said tho
Administrator, las they are immune TO
the dangerous eNhalations from the half
seasoned timbcrs." \ flotilla of armored
whims, for the transport of newspaper
paragraphs to France, was lying in mid
stream. A cheap sarcasm, the least ex-
pensive form of nautical Joke, was being
reftted having suffered by stern collision
with fact. \ full-rlgged quip was being
loaded with heavy ballast by Charley Chan.
lin and Frank Tinney. submarine twit
was passing through lock on the way 10
her quay. She was fully equipped with
sneering gear and punning tower. A little
gig sometimes called gag) was being re.
masted. having had to jibe in a squalI.
But the pun that we were to see launched
was the most fascinating sight. On her
bridge was q bosun, in pundress uniform
and navigaiters. The great super.pun was
completely furnished with binnacles. bar
nacles, bowsprts and sternsprits. The WAYS
had betn creased for her and she was all
ready to enter her native element There
was considerable anxiety among the puneI.
neers (as they are called lest she should
not prove noteworthy, and the master
pundit' Josephus Coso (better known as
Joe Cos e) was going over her carefully to
see that all her compartments were suffi-
clently buoyant. Her decks, which were
being schwabbed, were built Of fine old
blighted chestnut, her bulwarks of cypress
and weeping willow Her keel was OF
slippery elm.
AThs Administrator cracked a bottle OF
I7horse llniment on her bow ana the vast
leviathan Of Ievlty began 70 move grace.
fully down The slide. The jury 81 okperts