Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1918-03-15
Mr.. SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT McBLAlR.

Colonel Slmpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor dL.ing the
Civil War and had died bravely on the
/ field OF action. Mr.. Simpklns' throat
ached now for two reasons First, he
reverenced and adored the memory of
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
go to war himself. And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
ing gaze of Colonel Simpklns he saw,
In Imagination, the khaki-clad lads Of
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles Of sea TO
fight, maybe die, for liberty.
! Mr.. Simpklns peered around 10 make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
, were at the teasing ages of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
/ threw his right arm up for a salute.
!. But his equity shoulder twinged, and he
groaned He couldn't even salute
Damn said Mr. Simpkins, and
with his other hand fiercely twirled his
white mustachios. -
He turned and limped into the II.
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. ofiicersonly that day after. lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about $4,000. and he
had been rather snappy on, the sub
3ect OF taxes ever since he had d!scov-
cred that the more income man has
the greater the percentage of 1t he
pays I'm taxes He could think OF sew
eral men who. like himself. were mar.
sried and had two children, and yet,
although their incomes were nearly
half Of his, they would pay only "a
small fraction of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filing In the Information
that it asked for.
E AS Mr.. Smpkins income was $1,000
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each of the successive smaller
classes OF incomes In order to- arrive
at the total due from himself He
passed over the first class. who must
pay taxes, that Is. single men making
over 1000 His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First. they pay per cent. (under
the 1916 law on all income over
1900, deducting 5000 for each of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpkins' case this was S212. which he
put down in the payable column.
He saw next that, under the 1917
law. married men pay an additional
per cent on all over S2,000-with The
same allowance for children: This
added $3.50 to his payable column.
He then. observed that for every
$500 jump In his income over $1,000
he had to pay a Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump This
was $3.50 more added TO his burden.
And on top of all this came an "Ex-
cess Profits" tax of s per cent on all,
Occupation" income over $4,000. max.
Ing $500 more.
The total, then, he must pay was four
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Whew" exclaimed Mr.. SlmpkIns
angrily. There's young Henry VIII
kIns. who married Jake Johnson's girl,
he makes $1,000 and he doesn't pay
cent Of taxes. guess this is his war
as well as mine"
Thinking OF young Henry wilkins,
he remembered that Mrs. wilkins went
every afternoon TO make bandages for
the Red Cross and that Henry, who
was lawyer. was aiding the Local
Draft Board with its missionaries.
We'll" he admitted to himself.
"that makes a difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough-
by, whose income was about $4,000.
-"He only pays 500" commented Mr..
Simpkins, not quite so nngrily this
time and then thought struck him
and he sat up rigidly in his chair. d.
Judge Willoughby's son had heen
drowned on the Tuscanla when II was
summarized with the loss of two hun.
dred soldiers.
Judge Willoughby gave his son to
America" muttered Mr.. Simpkins.
He leaned forward suddenly and put
his face In his hands.
Vi iODE llilc WI. ollllDhluS sat
very still In that position. There was
no sound In the library except the
ticking of the tall clock and an occa-
sional trill OF laughter from the chill
dren skylarking upstairs. The square
Of light on the carpet gradually with
drew itself through the window. and
FIRST twilight and then darkness settled
In about the quiet, white haired, some
times irascible old man.
Mr.. Slmpkins was thinking things
which he would never afterward speak
OF. he was thinking things that were
too sacred ever to be put into words.
But some inkling OF his thoughts may
be found In his reJoinder to Mrs.
Simpkins when that placid lady came
In and turned on the lights. and asked
him whether he was ready for dinner.
Judge willoughby's only son was
worth as much as fourteen hundred
and thirty-four dollars. wasn't hef"
CT. 1x1 -