The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1918-04-21

. saying-when you think of all the
famous men in history, from me down
to Jack Johnson
"Or from Adam to Trotsky,% said
lAlcfbiades
Not to mention such iHustrio
women as Helen of Troy. and Salome.
and Cleopatra. and Queen Eliza beth
and Joan of Arc, and George Eliot
and ---er---'
Lydia Pinkham." said Molierc
Precisely" said Homer, and Lydia
Pinkham----"
The mother Of pacihsm," suggested
Napoleon
Better leave tho women out.
/ Homer said Beau Brummel They
! wouldn't like it, You can't tie wo-
man down 70 a specific birthday that
age"
BE that as ii may, but Cor ApoIl-
yon's sake let me finish, reared
Homer What have been trying to
unload for the past three weeks is
TINS with all these iliustrioua persons
ef both sexes undoubtedly born at
some time or another. why pick out
Shakespeare for a fortissimo blast and
put the soft pedal on the rest OF us p
4 think | can solve that problem"
said Washington. at would hardly
~ 'NftQAEub 70 EEl9pFaIB every ppu9 8
birthday. II you made a national
holiday Of everybody's birthday, as
has been done in my case, the world $
work wouldn't go on. Wed all he
taking a day off all the time There
are only three hundred and sixty
I'VE days in year, Homer. but there
have been more than three hundred
and sixty five famous persons born
into the world. We've got A thou
sand of EN- on the mem hership list
of This club right now. with a wait
lng list that stretches from Dan to
BeerSheha"
Well even at that" VI Ia Or. John
son, ii wouldn't be a had idea. Con
s'deri0g what the worlds work has
latterIy became, a universal holiday
N which all the activities Of the time
were suspended for say ten or fifteen
centuries wouldn't hurt ANYBODY
much. II you could get the earth
Gained down into state Of 1iiiescent
reflection Tor as little as a hundred
wears. what 81 boom IL would be
Time would take care or Bill sykes OF
Potsd4m and his crowd. and once the
peanies of earth had a chance TO
tntuk. and think straight We see
TIE END Of all they stand for"
IT wouldn't DO. Doc. IL wouldn't
Do AT a-j. pat IN Wellington Time
may he the cure for Bill OF Potsdan.
put what Bil needs is not cure but
treatment The only fear have
about 1911 is that ne won't live to
see the outcome OF this little picnic
Of his. IT is not Timas Job, but
The stunt of Nemesis to eake csr, Of
Wen said wesnnnsa. .pfntssssss
10 he licked
Ettt a,tpr~se vo,, co,VtA ,.n4 ht,,- e.
promise "a lay off for q hundred
Years persisted johnson.
Promise. roarded ArchiredeS
+. Promise? Really. Doctor. you are
not scientist, YOU know. and there
fore YOU don't know how To anaIyze
what rs knQYn as a Kaiser's prom Ise
You have Known all about other
words. but ID IS quite evident that YOU
are not vet on 70 William words.
His promises are made in Germany,
and arc therefore largely synthetic
They appear 10 he one thing. when
"a a matter OF fact they are directly
tne reverse. When William crosses
his heart and says I VIII. you know
thar he is embarrassing yours and
means that he won't When he says
7 won t. If YOU have any intelligence
you lay bets that he will His prom
Uses are as reliable as the party plat
form OF 81 Bolshevist convention. and
AT the end Of the first year Of your
period Of quiescent reflection. backed
ny the kaisers promise, you'd find
yourself in the position OF quies-
Gently reflective spring lamb that has
been benevoleutly assirnilated hy
Quiescentiy reflective. but ravenously
hungry pack Of wolves, Did you ever
analsze one OF the Kaiser's so-eaIled
words, doctor"
No said Or Johnson. ri can't
say that ! ever did
Well. try il some time said
\ rehimedes. you'll ind il one-fifth
Hypocrisy, one-afth meudacity. two
fifths eGotism. and the rest pure gloss.
Bill is the verbal prestldigitator of
all time, He gives you a word and
in iifry il turns 10 a prevarication
en- your hands. He puts a promise
IN a hat, pronounces an incarnation
over II. taps The hat three times. and
10. out GENES slippery fish of re-
rudiatior. and all the time be Is dos
ing it he is hum ming Nearer Ny
God TO Thee" under his breath. Take
my word for IT. Sam, while there's
a Hohenzollern left out OF Jail what
YOU call a universal agreement is
parts taradiddle,"
1t was at this point that Shakes
peare. wearing a wreath OF laurels on
his brow, entered the room. He
looked haughtily about him. appar-
emily ohliviouS to the existence of
everybody else
Me and the univers" said Caesar.
did you ever see such side?" said
Raleigh.
.'He needs 10 be taken down a.
peg" said Virgil
GO up and tell him his name is
familiar, but you don't recall his
face. Boney," said Xerxes, nudging
Napoleon with his elbow
Leave him to me, boys" said
Homer "Tll put tack in his tire
all right--just watch your Uncle
Home
whereupon the illustrious Greek
smiled broadly, and in a loud voice
called out: