The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1918-09-12

French wine was in any respect deter
iorated Clutch" Staley's vocabulary
is indicated by the following letter to
Frank Beste: 49, b
st. Romano, Phrance
August ID, 1913
Dear Friend:
Your conglomerate mass of exag-
gerations were received today. say
exaggerations because careful OBJ
server by a close scrutiny and being
cognizant of conditions as they exist
in the case, could, by observing close
ly, discern small foundation of fact
to at least some Of your statements.
Having no murders, suicides or scan-
dals to discuss at this time / shall con-
fine my efforts almost wholly to conn
ments based upon the contents of your
alleged letter.
First you lead off with rare bit of
(deleted by the editor) by stating that
my letter to you was received several
weeks ago, when in fact it was without
the shadow of doubt received several
months ago, if the mail service is still
in working order and my memory does
not serve me falsely. Possibly your
memory is becoming faulty thru senile
decay, but am more inclined to be-
lieve the (deleted by editor) theory,
knowing you as do.
In pursuance of my resolve to COM
ment on your imbecelic effusions /
shall pass the next few paragraphs
of your feeble effort, considering them
beneath my notice.
You seem to have acquired the idea
that I am permanently detached from
the frightfulness carnival. You have
been grossly misinformed, / assure
you. Altho am at the present mo-
ment occupying seat in the extreme
back part of the front, it is no sign
that I shall continue to do so. Evil
IDENTIFY the management does not wish
to take too great an advantage of the
enemy by turning me loose among
them at this time. However, the man.
ager might become tired of dallying
with the above mentioned enemy and
send me out after them with instruc-
tions to use my own judgment and go
as far as I liked. Until that time
the army and the general public must
content themselves with a paltry 10
or IL miles a day gain and accounts
Of large numbers of horizontal Boche
in deceased condition. As person.
al favor to you will give you an ac-
count of my activities based upon
what they consist Of at the present
time.
Starting with the early A. NJ, I
awaken to the divine melody of first
call, which permeates the atmosphere
at 4:45. Immediately I yawn luxur-
iously, experiencing desire to in
dulge in further sleep. I then spend
a few moments exploring for seam
squirrels. If the probabilities for sue
cess are good, this operation is fol-
lowed by maneuvering my person into
my wearing apparel in a hurried man
manner, grabbing my Boche eradica-
tor and lining up in the front yard for
reveille. A few minutes later I can be
seen filing past the can openers with
the mess kit in full bloom. I then
triangulate across a barnlot and take
up my position on the surface of
France and partake of my allotment
Of sustenance.
About an hour later / am oozing out
thru the scenery to a rifle range
which lies a couple Of miles distant
where / indulge in the practice of my
profession, being stage carpenter to
the outdoor shooting gallery, tinker up
the old scenery and perpetrate new
from time to time. Frequently take
out my trusty Springfield and play
hob with the bullseye and a couple of
savings stamps. Returning in the adj
vanced afternoon in state of abnor-
NAL fatigue, quite often. Following
this / get another pan of slum, after
which l always feel better-or worse.
/ then ooze down the main stem to the
Y. M. C. A. and procure myself an
evil-smelling rope, by courtesy REFER
ed to as cigar, and paper. After
making myself acquainted with the
events that have occurred in the i'm
mediate past, quite often indulge in
the wild dissipation peculiar to the
game of horseshoes. Not infrequently
this arouses desire in me to do some
thing diabolical. If it does, move up
to my desk (get that, d-e-s-k) and,
permitting myself to slip under the
influence of my trusty corn-cob pipe, I
begin 0neratinnS with my cnro fcbx,