The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1918-01-31

he said was "My first class ticket to
Berlin"
One recently vaccinated girl pro-
tects her sore arm from boisterous
friends by having V embroidered on
her coat sleeve. This seems to be a
very sensible plan-for those who
were vaccinated on the arm.
r 4 2
An army surgeon says to stop wear
ing belts and go back to suspenders,
and thus drive appendicitis out of the
country. Has the medical profession
another disease handy to replace APP
pendicitis with, or should this army
surgeon be squelched before he does
some real harm to a good thing?
And now when severe hot weather
strikes us next summer, and there
comes great ice shortage, will we
have a "cool administrator" who will
shut down soda fountains and meat
refrigerators for five days in order
to relieve the situation?
q 4
The finest New Year celebration in
the world is in Japan and China, where
before the clock strikes New Years
Eve, every debt and account must be
paid. No good Chinaman or Jap ever
thinks of entering the new year with
an unpaid bill Would that we might
emulate that form Of celebration.
A 300-pound man stood gazing long
ingly at the enticing display in a
clothing store window. A friend
stopped to inquire if he was thinking
of buying a marked down lavender
silk shirt "Gosh, mol" replied the fat
man wistfully. ''The only thing that
fits me ready made is handkerchief"
Two youngsters were engaged in a
game of brag. Having exhausted 9TH
err subjects they began on memory.
81 can member" boosted one, "clean
back to when | was born" "Uuh!"
erunted the other disdainfully. 81
en- member back to when God said,
Now stand up, Johnny, and be a
good boy and let me put your eyes
in"
Take a bit of Turkey and roll it in
crumbling cathedrals. When this is
well add lot of wild oats,
drop in large quantities of poached
property and scrambled retreats.
Break an oath in it and stir with cold
steel Add enough blood to give the
proper thickness, turn on the gas and
heat the whole red hot with liquid
fire. When it is done, garnish with
cracked hearts and drop bombs on,
and you have dish fit for William
and other Hungary people.
A good old Christian grandmother |
has been knitting for the soldiers ever
since the war began, every day except
Sundays. A friend dropped in Sun
day or two ago, however, and found /
her knitting as usual. "Why, grand
ma, how is it you are knitting on
Sunday?" inquired the visitor. 'Well,"
grandma replied, 81 have made up
nv mind that hell will be so full of
Germans there won't be any room
for me, anyway, so l am going to
put in the full week for our dear
boys"
You die. Your friends hear the sad
news and look pensive and sigh. The
second day they gather around stove
in the cigar store and say it is too
bad and that you were a pretty good
scout-a very decent fellow. The
third day they go to your funeral and
look very sad and catch bad colds.
The fourth day they are telling jokes
on each other again and laughing as
though the jokes were new and real
funny. A year later and your name
IS mentioned and some one says:
Seems like | ought to remember
who he was Oh, yes, recollect him.
He was that peculiar nut who died
,nly a year ago. Well, it doesn't
make any difference just when he did
lie. for he's dead as a door nail now"