The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1918-08-29
The Contortionist Of Berlin
sy n. p. Hole Of The vIsIlantoo.

Baron Won Wurst lighted large cigar with an
expression of satisfaction, stroked his paunch,
now, alas, somewhat thinner than Of yore, and
swung round in his chair to the heap Of freshly
deciphered messages that lay on his desk-re-
ports from trusty agents in various enemy conn
tries. His little pig like eyes glintod with Joy.
Baron Won Wurst was the Hun arch press
agent, and he was just about to compose the
weekly summary of facts" to be scattered
broadcast among the press in Germany. There
1t peculiar pleasure to perform this task, for it
needed much imagination, and Imagination was
at low ebb In the Fatherland. Moreover. 1t had
the first typewriter slip, and read:
American troops numbering 100000 are
sailing in the next three weeks. Their
strength in France will surely reach two
million before winter. Countless more train
Schmidt" said the baron, to a, red-faced sec
rotary in uniform, Take this DOWN. Then he
The alarm in France increases daily as the
promised hordes from America fail to appear.
Half the Yankees opposed to us have al
ready been wiped off the map their casual
ties far exceeding the number of fresh
rivals ...
Baron Won wurst took the next slip. It was
from a most excellent spy in France. The mas
ter press agent scowled as he read:
49, Meat Is now much more plentiful here
The poPu la. are r., wildly eated over recent
premely confident Of ultimate success.
Ready, Schmidt? The Baron puckered his
H.,
Then, with inspiration, came grim smile. He
dictated:
Once more history shows the pleasure
loving Parisians to be subsisting largely on
rats and offal The shining sword Of Ger
many has brought them almost to their
knees through poverty and starvation. Mutt
MES in the French army are now a daily oc-
currence, for those soldiers know, in spite of
their lies thrust upon them, that everywhere
along the line German might is triumphant.
The baron, who had lunched with friend off
a substitute sausage, grimaced as he read an
other message from America:
The 1918 harvest in the United States will
exceed anything ever known Ships are be-
ing launched with such amazing rapdity that
there will soon be quite enough to carry
grain across the Atlantic.
The barons wry face flushed with anger. Was
not he one Of the many who had been deceived
by Won Tirptz? He puffed out his cheeks.
mysterious grain disease Che dictated)
has spread with lightning rapidity through
out the wheat growing areas Of America, and
in spite of assurances to the contrary, we
know that the Yankees will not have enough
grain for their wants. American pris-
full Of men and women who have
dared to break the regulations which allow
each person four ounces OF bread day. The
ship builders, who became too weak to work
this allowance, have been given ounce
extra. The ships launched, hastily
built for submarine fodder, pro-
nounced hopelessly defective, and cannot be
used.
The real message fluttered from the table to
the floor, and Schmidt stopped to pick it up He
had never been allowed to see such things and
glanced at the slip curtously.
ut is verboten!" declared the baron, snatching
the paper.
%Herr baron" said Schmidt surely these
American swine must see now that we have
complete mastery.
Baron Won Wurst coughed.
"Ah! If they all had much sense as you,"
he said, gazing at the Crown Prince-like skull of
Schmidt But we will teach them with shin
ing sword. Didn't someone once say, though
that the pen was mightier than the sword
Schmidt? II think there must be some truth
in that. Yes, yes, Schmidt, get busy. The news
papers of Germany are waiting for my summary
of the news.