The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1918-10-07
A LETTER FROM HE'LL.
Popular and Oflcial Protest Against
q Clerical Suggestion.

To THE EDITOR OF THE suN-ST: Ny
attention has been called to an article
printed in the current edition of our
| local newspaper. the Gehcrnd Gorette
quoting THE Suns report OF mass
meeting held under the auspices OF the
Union League Club OF your city on oc-
tober 8, which was addressed BY the
Rev. George Ellsbree OF your city and to
which that gentleman expressed a deter
minstion which I. deeply resent de-
sire TO make my opposition known to the
Rev. Mr.. Ellsbree. but as the opportu-
mites for communication between my
self and members of his profession may
fairly be said to be practically non-ex
istent, while your relations with men of
the cloth are known to be OF an intimate
and satisfactory character. I am forced
to ask your assistance in this important
matter.
Tho Gehennd Gazette, quoting TIE
SuN. represents Mr.. E1lsbree as ga ying
We are going to eend the Kaiser and
his damned as.nts-pardon me. Pots
damed agents-straight TO he'll.
On behalf OF the government and pop
ulation OF Hell appeal TO the Rev. Mr..
Ellsoree not to carry into effect the plan
herein announced. for the reason that
neither the administration nor the in
habitants OF Hell can stand the Kaiser.
canvass OF our population made by
some of the recently arrived Bolsheviki
discloses n unanimous and deep seated
objection 70 the Introduction of Wilhelm
into our community.
In the last four years thousands OF
his underlings have arrived among u.s.
to tho serious embarrassment of our
people and the dislocation OF our public
Affairs. Fortunately for us they are of
a singularly docile disposition. and con-
seauently have done us practically no
material damage IT has been possible
FOR us TO force them to conform TO our
standards, but their intellectual level is
SO low that their appearance here has
given great uneasiness to the Hades Ed
ucation Commission and seriously mon
aces the future Of our institutions, These
things however. We regard as ordinary
bnders OF public administration and
deal with through routine agencies: but
the coming OF the Kaiser would involve
difficulties we hesitate to attack.
We foresee that should he be imrescd
unon our citizenship the whole scheme
OF our institutional and social life must
OF necessity be revised.
We possess at present no facilities.
material or moral, to IT the Kaiser's
case We should be obliged 10 establish
a special department for his detention
and punishment Our police would re-
quire expansion to protect the public
generally from contamination through
chance intercourse with him. The re-
sentiment OF the public upon his inclu-
sion in our Numbers would unquestiona-
bly, lead to serious domestic disorders
which might involve clashes with the
subjects OF neighboring Powers and even
precipitate general conflict OF far
reaching possibilities.
II has been suggested that a speclaI
Hell be Established for the Kaiscr's OK
elusive occupancy. In some way the
report has obtained circulation thar I
indorse this fantastic scheme. Such is
not the case. Were the Kaiser 10 have
a He'll of his own he would soon or.
ganiEe II on the Prussian model and
seek to obtain possession OF my histori-
cal domain Naturally I oppose every
plan which might eventuate In such. a
calamity.
IL may appear presumptuous for me
to offer unsought counsel 70 those who
ara now arranging the Kalser's future
Yet shall risk censure by rcmarkiug
that the most appropriate place for The
Kaiser after the war will be in the re-
stored kingdom of Belgium. Very re-
speetfully. your obedient servant,
NICK. SATAN, Devil.
HELL. October T.