davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
DENTISTS IDEA OF HUMoR
and Then Fix Him So He
Can't Eat.

1t was noon when we dropped into
the dentists office. The doctor greeted
us cordially as we fell into his chair
and prepared to submit ourselves to
torture.
There was the usual clatter of in
strumentS on the white tray as we
opened our jaws and the dentist peer
ed into them. This time his object of
attention was the cavity from which
he had recently extracted tooth.
what are you going to do after I
get through" said the doctor mildly.
Between his fist and his mirror we
blurted out something about lunch.
go to lunch with me, will your
We nodded our assent and then it
happened. Something that felt as big
as q crowbar is and was as sharp as a
new safety razor blade is supposed to
be went up into the roof of our mouth.
When we landed down again on the
chair and the pain had eased off a
trifie we started to laugh.
you're good,' we exclaimed. TN
vite a man to lunch, and then fix him
SO he can't eat."-Detroit Free Press.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

brought an appreciative ''hawi haw 20
from group of students, and the en-
tire audience Joined in applause. In
effect, the lecture was a grand sue
cess. There were congratulations on
every side, and Professor Tyndall, be-
fore he left, was booked for three more
lectures during the season.
And a few days after his return to
the city there came to him other de-
mands for his oratorical service, for
the fame of his daring innovation and
its success had spread, and one lyceum
bureau offered special contract terms
for year.
Were you aware" spoke the pro-
feSSor the first time he called upon the
pretty typist. that you gave me the
wrong manuscript when 1 last saw
you?"
"Oh, never,' fairly gasped Lettie.
He told her all. She shivered at her
mistake, she dubbed oyer with joy at
the happy outcome, and when Profess
sor Tyndall started forth on his new
and successful Fighter lecture vein,''
he had his wife for company
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

this morning, Professor Tyndan, was
advised.
you startle mel" murmured Tyn-
dali.
"And the local improvement associa-
ton is disappointed as to a speaker
they expected, who has been taken ill.
We were discussing the feasibility Of
not disappointing ticket holders. You
would have no objection to delivering
your lecture at the town hall to the
double group?'
Certainly not, if you believe the
theme Will at all interest q mixed audi
ence"
At all events, it was decided that the
lecture should be given at the hall at
eight O'Clock that evening. There was
great throng, and the professor felt
somewhat nervous, as ancient Pom
peif" was not a theme to interest the
general public.
And then, as he placed his lecture
manuscript fiat before him on the read
ing desk, cold streak ran down his
back. He gasped, he started. A fear
full mistake had been madei Before
him was not the lecture he had select
ed to deliver, but ''Humors of the An
GENTS" Miss Rose had given him the
wrong screedl
A coterie of august college officials
filled the front rows of seats. Inward
ly Tyndall groaned as he imagined
the effect upon them of the humorous
article, for he had not memorized the
other, and there was nothing to do now
but go on with it, or utterly collapse.
He began. Twice he ventured to
glance directly at his stern judges. His
sense of dread lightened. He had Just
recited a famous Roman joke, full of
wit and point. The whole row of col
1ege officials We're smiling, one actual
ly grinned, another chuckled audibly.
And then bit of fun that was COM
prehendible to the most ignorant,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
BRAINS MORE THAN CAPITAL
Ability Is More Important as a
Foundation for Commercial Sue
cess Than Great Wealth.

Commercial and financial circles in
this and other cities, says the New
York Times, are full of instances DEM
onstrating that ability is better and
safer foundation for fortune than
money, and though the latter is con-
venient enough for use by the able
man in making what is rather inaccu-
rately called his start, its lack entities
him to no commiseration. and rarely
delays more than briefly his advance
ment toward the goal of his aspira-
ton.
The young man with capital not ac-
cumulated by himself may or may
not be success in business, but his
money viii not be the determining fac
tor in his upward course, if he does
proceed in that direction, while it. is
about as likely as not to help him
move the other way, should he be
without the capacities required for
making money for himself. Nobody
with both body and brain wen trained
can truly be called without capital,
nor need the condition of penniless-
ness trouble either himself or his
friends A thousand paths are open
to him, and he will have pennies
a-plenty, if not exactly as soon as he
pleases. at least with no great delay.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

P1aids and crossbars have been
launched in silk and wool and cotton
goods for spring, and already smart
coat suits and frockS for grownups, in
which plaids are used with plain col
ors, bespeak a welcome for them. Just
how cordial and universal it will be re-
mains to be proven, but in one quarter
they are sure of a whole-hearted recep-
ton. Mothers who have the foresight
to put through their sewing for spring
in January and February will rejoice
that plaids are to be q feature of
springtime clothes, since there is moth
ing that is better suited to children's
wear.
The pretty dress shown here for the
schoolgirl of twelve-or thereabout-
can be made in combination of plaid
and plain wool goods, or plaid and
plain cottons. 1t is neat and interest
ing model, with skirt of the plain ma
terial, having two narrow box plaits at
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
January Hats ForeteII Spring.

Among the bright and beautiful hats
that are assembled and displayed for
the benefit of those who go to the
south in January there are always
some models that may be worn in the
North. Women who have no inten-
ton of running away from winter and
SHOWS nevertheless indulge themselves
in hats that herald the spring. So it
has come to pass that January and
February are apt to find heads
crowned with hats of satin, or malines,
or even dark, brilliant straws. They
are not summer hats and they are not
winter hats; they are hats that are
adaptable to any cline.
Among those that rejoice the eyes
of those who answer the call of the
North, and make glad the hearts of
those who tarry in the North, there
has appeared this year the hat covered
with fine, dark purple violets- The
flowers are very natural-lookfng. Of
silk, and this model first bloomed In
Paris 1t is a small shape with a COW
ering OF purple satin Over this the
violets are crowded and . band Of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

the front and back, and reaching a lit
tie below the knees. The sleeves,
pockets and decoration of the short
plain blouse are of the same material
as the skirt. The bodice is shaped like
a short MILDLY and cut from the plaid
material with small plaits in each side,
stitched down from the shoulder to
point where they meet the overlap of
plain material. The pockets are big
enough to be practical and the sleeves
full enough to be easy. They are gath
cred into close-fitting cuff of the plaid
goods. A few small buttons add just
the right kind of finish for a young
girls dress.
The collar is of white organdie or
batiste and is of Importance to the
dress and to the education of the little
maid. She is to have several collars
for one dress and to be taught that her
collar must be Immediately clean and
her hair ribbon fresh and crisp.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
A FIGHT FOR LIFE

1t has been fight die for many Of US
In the past and the lucky people are
those who have suffered, but who are now
well because they needed natures warn
ing signal in time to correct their trou-
BILE with that wonderful new discovery
of DIR. Pierce's called "An-u-ric." You
should promptly heed these warnings,
some of which dizzy spells, backache,
irregularity of the urine or the painful
twinges of rheumatism, sciatica or lum-
bago- To delay may make possible the
dangerous forms of kidney disease, such
as stone in the bladder.
To overcome these distressing condi-
lions take plenty of exercise in the open
air, avoid a heavy meat diet, drink freely
of water and at each meal take DR..
Pierce's Anuric Tablets double strength).
You will, in sort time, find that you
are one Of the firm indorsers OF Anuric,
as are thousands Of neighbors.
Step into the drug store and ask for
a 60c package of Anuric, or send DIR. ".
NJ. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y, 10c for trial
pkg. Anuric, many times more potent
than Iithia, eliminates uric acid as hot
water melts sugar.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
Nervous Headaches
Four Bottles of Peruna IT1||H
Made Me w ell

Mrs Efne Hin. Manchester. Ohio.
writes ~ follows:
Fl cannot tell how much suf.
fered IN the past twelve years. I
have been treated by physicians and
no relief only for q short time. /
was in such q condition from nor
vous headaches, such heavy feeling
rs II my brain was pressing down,
and 80 nervous I could not get my
rest at night Would have sinking
spells and then so weak that I could
not do my work. began to take
Feruna-. Have taken four bottles Of
Peruna and have gained in strength
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
Oyster Fishing by Submarine.


Mr.. Simon Lake, the father of the
modern submarine, has suggested the
use of the submarine for polar explora-
ton for ferrying supplies across ice
bound rivers. for seeking sunken treas
ure, and for dredging oysters.
Experiments have demonstrated to
Mr.. Lakes satisfaction that when the
submarine is at the bottom of the
ocean, the oysters can be sucked up
into it on the vacuum cleaner prin-
ciple. When traversing good ground,
the submarine will suck up 5000 BUSH
els of oysters in an hour. This means
that in one hour a mass of oysters
will be collected which. if compactly
piled, would require cylinder one and
three-quarters mile long to hold it.
The idea should be particularly use
full to the pearl-oyster fishers. as OF
Ceylon, for instance.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
Prominent People Everywhere
Indorse Our Statement

Higginsville, MOTOR seven years
I suffered severe pain in my back and
the back part of my head. My kid
neyS were very inactive from time to
time. I was extremely nervous, had
poor appetite, was melancholy, rest
less and completely worn out. I used
every available remedy recommended
for the kidneys but obtained tempo
rary relief only, but I can truthfully
say that after using one box of DIR.
Pierce's Anuric Tablets all of the for
mer symptoms disappeared and feel
like q new man.-REV. G. w. WATTS.
You clear up the coated tongue, the
sallow complexion, the dull headache,
the lazy liver, if you will take pleas
ant laxative made up of the May-apple,
juice of the leaves of aloes. root of
jalap, and called DIR. Pierce'S Pleasant
Pellets. You can obtain at almost any
drug store these vegetable pellets in
vialS.-Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
Gold In the Head,s

10 an acute attack of Nasal Catarrh. Per-
sons who are subject to frequent ''colds
in the head will find that the use of
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE will
build up the System, cleanse the Blood
and render them less liable to colds.
Repeated attacks OF Acute Catarrh may
lead to Chronic Catarrh.
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE is TAX
en- internally and acts through the Blood
on the Mucous Surfaces of the System
All Druggists 75c. Testimonials free:
$4,000 for any case of catarrh that
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE win not
cure.
F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo. Ohio.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
An Exception.

Cannibal Chef-How was that one,
your excellency?
Cannibal Chief (smacking his lips)-
Oh, liked him.
That's strange. At home he was a
baseball umpire No one ever liked
him before"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
The SOfteSt,

"Why is it," queried the fair widow,
that they always say man pines
for a woman?''
81 suppose growled the fussy bach
elor, "it's because pine is about the
softest wood there isl
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

purple violet ribbon Is tied about them.
Besides the all-flower hat, hats of
satin and hats of crepe with chenille
braids are already gracing the heads
of those who stay in the North The
dark, 1ustrous straws are trimmed
with chou of velvet. or wings and
worn with heavy furs-a promise of
spring that keeps a happy thought in
mind in the depth of winter The hat
of millinery patent leather is another
that offers itself for northern wear
now that our faces are turned toward
spring. Lovely hats for afternoon or
evening, made of black malines and
panne velvet, in picturesque and DASH
ing shapes belong wherever they hap
pen to be found,
Unless she wants to be enticed into
spending money, safety first argues
that the smart millinery establish
ishment is a good place to stay away
from during the next two months.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21
Hooray!

Hooray!
Husband-At last 1 have an army
contract. The dogs of war have chased
the wolf from the door.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

German women must pay $3.50 q
pair for wooden stockings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1918-02-21

woman. I cannot thank you enoisA
for my recovery"
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

shall be no double-breasted models
except in storm coats and ulsters.
The length OF a suit coat is deter
mined by its size, that is to say,
one-quarter of an inch additional
length is allowed as the standard
size increases. Sack coats will have
no patch pockets, no French facing,
no pleats, no belts. Belts to match
trousers will not be sold. nor will we
see the tunnel belt loops SO recently
popular. A coat having a full lining
will have regulation pockets. A
quarter lined coat shows inside patch
pockets. These characteristics will
apply only to this seasons goods. 1t
stands to reason that we will see
many belts and pockets and quite a
few pleats and other trims which are
in good style, but which were pur-
chased before the present stringent
rulings went into effect. Some man.
ufacturers had a supply OF valuable
wooden goods which could not be
discarded nor reconstructed, and
which were made up before the trade
was asked to refrain from unneces-
sary uses Of wool. These will be sold
and worn.
Vests will be shorn Of all their
erstwhile parlor tricks, but they will
still be able to put up a good front.
No pocket flaps, no double-breasted
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

Since time immemorial styles for
both sexes have been influenced by
eyents taking place In various parts
Of the world Men went the limit in
ths Elizabethan era, and have on
divers occasions since then subjected
themselves to the same ridicule which
has been the subject Of many gen.
tie gibe concerning womankind. Even
80 late as last spring callow youths
and few sturdy men tapped about
in trench coats, so-called, with pock-
ets and belts a plenty.
Suits sayored Of the military. and
were fashioned Of materials and in
rolors closely resembling those worn
by our army men
The styles for this winter show a
marked change, which has been ef-
fected through the manufacturers
and designers, working in close CO.
operation with the Economy Board
pf the National Defense Committee.
The same smart simplicity which dis
tinguishes the new clothes for women
Is the motif in mems suits and coats.
All unnecessary embellishments hav-
Ing been eliminated. designers have
had TO turn to their own ingenuity
and resourcefulness in order to ere
ate distinction and real character. A
few general rules which apply to both
butts and topcoats are-that there
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

One of the newest and sms rtest of
autumn hats is shown in a toCIe
shape with a thick rolled brim all in
brown felt and untrimmed. These
severe untrimmed hats I'm either felt
or in beaver are considered smart and
new this season. They do not need
trimming. but many of them are
shown with face wells in a fancy mesh.
Because these hats are simple and
without trimming does not mean that
they are only suitable for the tailored
costume and early morning wear, for
simple shapes are shown with elabo-
rate afternoon costumes. OF course,
the veil adds greatly to the effect
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

Other fabric gloves will no doubt be
introduced in practical shades for
everyday wear, as they are being
worn by women extensively. and have
been for some time.
1t would seem that in the face Of all
the demands for wool for martial pur-
poses, that male civilians would not
crave those garments which con-
tain wool all through or at least one
way. But some weak link in the
strong chain of the nations leaders
has taken a fancy to cashmere socks,
because he's heard a great lot about
them being worn over there. So all .he
summer long men have bought CASH
mere socks. They are even placated
with a cotton sock, just so 1t has a
cashmere finish. In the last-named
fact lies the saving OF the wool. But
style is style, and cashmere Is the
latest breath. One haberdasher re-
marked that during the summer he
frequently had a dozen calls for wool
en- hosiery all in one day. The prices
are going up correspondingly as the
supply grows less. We will see stripes
OF contrasting color, as well as clock
ed effects and two-toned accordion
weaves Corresponding with the new
edict as to mems shoes, hosiery will
assume quieter tones to harmonic.
Black, gray. khaki. brown, dark blue
and brown will be prime colors.
Scarcity of hannelette such as has
always been used in pajamas and
night shirts is attributable to the gov
ernment's rightful seizure Of the out
put to be used in needful garments for
hospital use. Hence men will have
to turn to substitutes and glory in the
turning. Underwear for the most part
Is confined to one-plece garments. He
who wants a two-piece set will find
a very limited assortment from which
to choose. Woolen undergarments are
higher but are still procurable. There
is no need Of the rank and file going
about shivering this winter, as the
supply promises to exceed the de-
mand.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22
(1~emmenf Regulation g< Nenis Eahions
hos influenced Mue A4tthfdc&&r A4tthfdc&&r Sim pliiciify

Motor coats OF homespun are made
along roomy. comfortable lines, but
withal have the required class and
style. Many models. show curved
pockets, sans flaps. and are made
with three buttoned fastenings, but
toning through. A very few show an
inverted pleat in the back, others are
half-belted.
Suits retain practically the same
characteristics as they did in the
spring, as to general contour, except
that they give an air OF easy COM
fort which was lacking in the last
form-fit models. This is a reflection
of the spirit of the times. for men
have come to realize the value of
practical clothing. And it is also
quite natural to want to have the
body comfortable in order that the
mind may proceed unannoyed about
the serious and important work
which is at hand for all OF us.
The majority of coats are cut
rather square a. the skirts. and few
vents are seen.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22
Correct Headwear Styles for
Fashionable Dressers

The variations In the new styles for
mems headpieCes are so slight that
there isn't a great deal TO be said for
or against them. The most noticeable
and in fact, the only radical change
is the narrowing Of the brim. For the
most part they are not peTceptibly cut
narrower. but they roll sharply away
from the face, thus giving the idea Of
having hardly any brim at all. They
do lend a dash and swing that is be-
coming 70 youthful. as well as to
older faces Generally speaking
crowns are higher and slightly round
ed. The new shapes have the COM
bined advantages of comfort and good
looks. One must be guided by ones
own requirements in selecting any
shape, and the range is wide - re-
CARDS height OF crown, roll OF brim
and materials.
Rough finish hats will no doubt be
the leaders. for early wear at least
Scratch finish mixtures. French and
brush finish will lead, and they will
be made up in the STYLES already re-
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

models, no collar, are the three man
dates in vestdom.
Overcoats will be forty-four inches
long, scant in the skirt, and will be
cuffless and have collars three inches
in width. listers may be forty-eight
inches in length and sponsor collars
slightly wider Knitted fabrics and
fieecy cloths will predominant, and
solid cOlors, overplaids and colorful
mixtures will be to the fore. There
has been some discussion of a stand
ard manipulated fabric for mems
clothing. in fact certain types are al
ready being tested for wearing quail
ity and refinement. This fabric when
it has stood all tests, will be a per-
fected combination which will con-
tain no wool and which can be worn
throughout the winter months with
comfort. 1t will probably not be put
before the public this season. as an
educational campaign will no doubt
be necessary to impress us with the
fact that a satisfactory substitute for
wool has been found.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22
SPORT STYLES.

Riding and outing clothes. are
showing radical changes, which was
to be expected. when We consider
that they have depended largely upon
fancy belt arrangements and patch
pockets for oTramentatiCn. The new
models are quite attractive and show
new wrinkles in pocket slopes and
collars. but withal are quite con-
servative. In fact one firm advertlses
a golf coat made along such simple
lines that il may be worn TO the Of
fee with bsuiness trousers, and later
in the day become allied with knick-
ers for the afternoon game. A new
sleeve and armhole arrangement fea-
lures this same coat, allowing free
dom of movement for even the most
strenuous strike at the gUtta percha.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

ferred to. some with crowns slIghuy
lower. others blocked along the con-
ventional boater shape.
Derbies and silk hats will retslr
the same contour Of last season, suc
the former will adhere 10 black as
its favorite mode Of expression. Tn,
oxford. pearl and brown shades whls1
were sponsored last spring failed Il
make sufficient impression 20 cauS.
them to be numbered among the faII.
best sellers. Smooth finish fclts sf.,
veloUrs will hold a prominent place 90
the world OF mems millinery Til.
trimming will consist OF self-ColDrCl
bands, with bow in back or on ta,
side. As with the rough finished hats
some have cut edges. while others ars
bound. There are microscopic vsTia-
tions in trim. brim and crown, Whir-
are hardly noticeable to the casual
passcrby. but which mean a success
ful or unsatisfactory buy 20 the pur-
chaser. Colors are brown, green, OK
ford. gray and mixtures in subduCi
shades. EHnds are matching or IN o
Slighior u' than the hat proper.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22

In spite OF . per cent increase in
their cost, gloves are being as widely
purchased as ever. Mocha and buck
are, of course, the favorites and they
are shown in brown and tan, with
backs plain or embroidered in black.
An excellent chamoisette which will
be used as a substitute for undressed
kid. comes in a well fitting and all
around satisfactory glove. 1t looks
well upon the hand, and has the de-
lightful advantage of being washable.
The Washington herald., 1918-09-22
The Weekly
Saving System

as endorsed by the United States govern
ment, In selling War Savings Stamps and
Liberty Bonds. is the convenient method
of buying which has enabled our custom
ers to purchase their Wearing Apparel
without any financial strain or inconven-
ience. The Dodek Method of Charge
Account" is the Modern Method of pur-
chasing. that should appeal to every one
of Uncle Sans Wage Earners.