The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1918-01-24

spiritual Microbe, but the Geezer knew
how to annex the Kale.
When Providence is directing the
Handouts, she very often slips some
Squarehead the canny Gift of cor
railing the Cush, but holds out all of
the delectabe Attributes supposed to
distinguish Man fronI what you see
in the Cages Gt the Zoo.
After the Pater had earned his
Shaft in the Cemetery, ELAN became
the Loud Noise around a dinky Manu-
featuring Plant down by the Yards.
The Cracker-Barrel Coterie and all
the Old Ladies' who had become mus
cle-bound from welding the Sledge,
predicted that Elan would put the Or
ganization into the Ditch, wrong side
up.
The Well-Wishers. the Brotherly
Lovers, and the total membership of
the Helping Hand Society sat back
waiting for Elan to be dug out of
the Debris, so they could collect Wit
ness Fees at the POst-mortem.
The Junior earned their abiding Dis
like by putting one across.
He made the Fossils cit up In their
padded Rocking Chairs end pay some
attention to the Idiot Child.
He never could hold down any Posi-
ton until tried out for Captain of
Industry and then he began to Bat
.450 and Field 99S.
After the dusty Workmen had
manufactured the Product, and the
Statesmen had unl0aded it, and the
Collectors had brought in the Louies,
then Elan had to sit at a Mahogany
Desk with Picture of Claudine in
front of him, and figure how much of
the hard-earned Mazuma would be
doled out to his greedy Employees.
Sometimes he would be compelled
to fork over nearly half of the Gross,
whereupon his Heart would ache and
he would become Morose.
In few Years he had a lot of new
Buildings, with Skylights and i'm
proved Machinery and all sorts of hui
name Appliances to enable the Work
ing Force to increase the Output.
AS the Bank-Account expanded and
the Happy Couple found themselves
on Plush, Claudine began to scan the
Horizon and act restless-like.
She said the Home Town was I'M
possible. IT certainly did seem Con-
trary to Reason.
Any Woman with a salaried Hus-
band could bust into Society if she
sang in Choir or owned an Ice-Cream
Freezer
Claudine was for migrating to some
heightened Community beyond the
Rising Sun. where she could sit in
Marble Halls and compare Jewelry
with proud Duennas of her own Sta
ton.
Seeing Claudine at the corner of
Sth and Central, waiting for the Green
Car, one would not have suspected
that she harbored Intentions on the
Court Circles of Europe. One would
merely have guessed that she was on
her way to the Drug Store to purchase
much Camphor.
But she had taken a Peek at the
Palm Rooms and the powdered
Lackeys and the Tea Riot at the
Plaza, and she was painting inwardly.
She wanted to hang silver bell
around her neck and go galloping
with the white-faced Thoroughbreds.
1t was no good trying to work up
Speed on a half-mile track in the
Prairie Mud.
Once in a while Claudine made a
bold Sashay to start something devil
ish, but the Fillies trained on the
Farm did not seem gated for the
Grand Circuit.
AS for the Servant Problem, it was
something Ferocious. City Help could
be lured to the Tall Grass, and all
the Locals had been schooled at the
Railway Eating House.
Elan and Claudine had Cook
named Gusta, born somewhere near
the Arctic Circle in Europe.
Her Fried Chicken drowned in thick