The Belding banner-news. (Belding, Mich.) 1918-1973, 1918-07-17
Funnygraphs

Talk about the inconsistencies of
life and the high cost of living, why,
down to Grand Rapids, owing to the
license on cats in vogue in that city,
the feline population has dropped from
more than 1000 in 1917 to less than
840-to be exact, just S34 at the pres
ent writing. Well, the seemingly in
consistent thing about the whole mat
ter is that the price of hamburger
steak has kept right on soaring all
the tine even though the material
used in the manufacture was coming
in mere and more plentiful all the
time.
An enquiring subscriber writes in
and wants US to give the proper Web
sterian definition of the word "faith."
Webster-now we don't mean our
friend, Oscar Webster of the Herald
Publishing Co., but Daniel Webster,
the author of the dictionary, the most
disconnected story book we have ever
read or that has ever been run
through printing press, defines the
word faith, as ito trust. In pic
lures we have faith portrayed to US
as bedraggled, shipwrecked female
CliiklIlk W tut StdWdSueQ TUCK VI
ages, but for simple, honest, trusting
and undefiled faith we hold forth the
editor who pays postage on the paper
for the delinquent subscriber. He's
the champeen.
Recently one of the manufacturing
concerns of this city sent in want
advertisement. They wanted an as
of age" The office devil saw the
marked proof hanging up on the copy
hook and thinking that he knew more
than the man who made the linotype,
set up the corrections and in so doing
he stuck in an extra 2, making it
read 1902 years ofage." Notwith-
standing this unusual requirement,
the office force of the advertiser was
kept busy opening something like 40
odd answers to the advertisement
One of them was shown to US as pos
tive proof that it pays to advertise
and it reads as follows:
Gentlemen: Your ad. interests
me. ct would interest anyone but
dead uni. Knowing how delightful
the work in a wholesale establishment
is, the princely salaries, short hours
and enhancing environment Give
known rich wholesalers to allow them
selves TO be pried out of as high as
$4.85 a week for an assistant book
keeper. and then only require 18 hours
work at stretch), Immediately set
this application in motion.
my name is Eben Hezekiah Hot
foot, and / am some chicken when it
comes to addin' up 'figgers.' / was
born in Lazytown, N. j., June 32,
ITO, and father started in sfggeren'
the very first day as to how in darna-
ton he was going to feed me and
clothe me and bring me up to be a
real honest-to-goodness assistant
bookkeeper.
ed the Mississippi, and the Boston tea
ington, 'Gawge.'
"Although / am not just exactly
202 years of age, the fact that am
10 days over that will not, / trust,
keep me from the position. I'm
sound as a dollar, eyesight perfect,
eat three squares day, and have
chawed tobacker all my life.
Gee. I'd give all the money in the
world IL you make me an assistant
boolSkeeper in your wholesale Office.
I'm rapid, alright, too, especially
with highball or two tucked under
my belt, and when it comes to accur-
acy, old Buffalo Bill with the six
SHORTER was q mere child by compare
son. tell you that il amt these
young buccos that's making this world
move. It's the assistant bookkeep-
ers 202 years old, and Roosevelt, and
big-hearted wholesalers and sech that
do-things.
81 had chance to be bank cashier
but there is nothing doing for me If