The Ordway new era., 1918-10-11
FRITZ SAYS YANKS ARE ROUGH
FELLOWS, IN LETTER TO PAPA

| The following humorous letter was
first published in Kansas, later in
France and has been reproduced in
numerous American papers.
On the Run, Somewhere in France.
Everywhere in France, all the time.
Dear Papa:-I am writing on der
run as the brave and glorious SOL
diers under my command have not
seen der Rhine for so long dat dey
have started back dat way, and OF
course I am going init dem. Oh!
papa dere has been some offel dings
happened here in der France. First,
started in my big offensive which
was to crush der fool Americans, but
they know so little about military
tactics dat dey will not be crushed,
ust like l should want 'em. l sent my
men in der fight in big waves and ven
dey got to der Americans dey all say
Boo" as loud as dey could holler.
Veil, according to vat you haf always
told me, der Americans haf turned
and run like blazes. But vat you tink
Dem fool Americans don't know any
tings about war. and instead of dem
running de odder way. dey came right
toward us. Some of dem was singing
about, ave won't come back till it's
over, over dere," or some odder fool
ish song, and some of dem were laf-
fling like fools. Dey are so ignorant.
But dey are offel reckless nit DER
guns, and ven dey come toward us,
IL was den my men took a notion to
go back to der dear oldt Rhine. We
don't like de little dirty old Marine
river, anyhow. And. den, oh papa,
dem Americans use such offel lang
uage. Dey know notings of der kul-
tur and say such offel dings right be-
fore us, and dey talk blasphemy, too
Vat you tink dey said right before
my face? One big husky from place
dey call der Illinois, he said, oh! papa
hates to tell you vat an offel ding
he said-but l can't help but report
it to you, he shouted. ITO hell init
der Kaiser!" Did you ever hear of
anyding so offel. l didn't tink any
one in der world would say such an
offel ding. 1t made me so mad. dat
wouldn't stand and hear such offel
dings, so l turn right around and
run nit all de odder boys, Vas 1 right
papa? Und oh papa, you know dem
breast plates vot you sent us-dey
don't do us no good, can you send
some to us to go on our backs instead
You know We are going de odder way
now, and we need dem on our backs,
for de cowardly Americans are shoot
ing us right in der back Some of our
brave boys took off der breast plates
and put 'em behind but de fool Amer
leans are playing a ding, dey call
de Star Spanghled Banher," NIT ma
chine guns on dem plates. Can't you
help us. papa? You remember your
speech you said nothing could stand
before the brave German soldiers?
oh! papa, don't believe desc ignor-
ant Americans ever read your great
speech, for dey run after us just like
We vas a lot of rabbits. Vot you dink
of dat? Can't you send dem some of
your speeches right away? Dey don't
know how terrible We are. Can't you
move my army back to Belgius we're
We Won all our glory. please? My men
can vip all de vimmen and children
vot dem Belgians can bring up. But
desc Americans are so rough and ig-
norant. We can't make dem under
stand dat We are de greatest soldiers
on der earth, und ven We try to sing,
Deutschland, Uber Allier," dey all
laugh like a lot of monkeys. But we
are getting de best of der Americans,
We can sure out run dem. Papa. IL we
are not de best fighters on earth, We
are sure de best runners. Nobody can
keep up NIT us ven We tink of der dear
old Rhine and my army never did
tink so much of it as dey do now. Let
me know vat to do by return post
Office and don't forget about der back
plates, Immediately.
GROWN PRINCE WILLIE"
|