Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1918-10-09
YANKEES QUAIL
AT PINK RIBBONS
Women Hero Worshipers f'PIumb
FIabbergast" Our Dough-
boys y Paris.
MIGHTY POOR Matinee IDOLS
But Can They Fight? Oh, Boy, You
Can't Stop Them-Ask the
Major, He knows-AIso
About the Marines.
BY RICHARD HENRY LITTLE

=
| Chicago Newspaper Man, Now in Y. M
| G. A. Service on Atlantic.)
New YOrk.-American soldiers are
grand fighters but very poor matinee
idols. When women spring from their
seats in the sidewalk cafes in Paris
and thrust flowers in their hands
they look as ashamed as dog caught
stealing eggs.
The most awful suffering I saw in
Paris was the case of a big husky from
an infantry outfit. A lady of great
distinction had stopped her machine
in the middle Of the street while the
soldier was crossing, and, leaning out
had enthusiastically tied a bright pink
ribbon around his neck. Amidst much
rejoicing from the assembled French
spectators the lady went her way and
the big soldier looked as if he was just
about to choke to death, although it
was a very thin ribbon and loosely
tied. I saw him an hour later and he
still wore the ribbon and had turned
deathly pale and was evidently in
terrible pain.
The Captains Orders.
'Listen," said the infantry husky in
a hOarse whisper, "the captain said
we was to receive any compliments
given us by the French with a smile
and show 'em we appreciated it and
not hurt their feelings by ditching it,
but if have to wear this pink ribbon
around me neck for another hour I'll
go nuts and bite myself in the leg. For
hn nf
I removed the ribbon from the suf-
fering soldiers neck and after while
he grew calm and quite rational and
he told me some stories Of the front
regarding the first assault Of the Amer
leans against Chateau Thierry.
'"They can't hold us guys" he said,
"when we git started we jest keep
goin'. All anybody says is jest kill
'em, kill 'em, and o boy, you ought
to see our lads go to it!
''There at Chatty Teery the officers
were making an awful boiler about
the boys running too fast and ducking
right through the barrage and not
paying attention to nothing except
spearin' BOches. Our colonel came
over before we started and he was
much particular-like in pointing out
bunch of rocks where he wanted our
battalion to halt.
"The major said all right, that he
would stop his four companies right
on the line Of them rocks, and then
we started. We got it right in the
nose, from every Dutch gun in front
of US, but the boys jest yelled and
laughed and away they went. Say,
they didn't pay no more attention to
the major when we came to them
rocks than if he hadn't been there at
all.
81 went back to give him a mes
sage from my captain and he was
standing by the rocks and up came
the colonel and the colonel gave the
major blinking hell for not stopping
the battalion where ne said, and the
major was madden n hornet, and he
double damned the colonel right back
again and he said: How the cruel
fed damnatiOn could I stop them
crazy, wild-eyed sons of perditiOn? If
that hOg-faced crown prince and his
whole damnety damn Dutch army
couldn't stop 'en, what the b could
I dor"
And Those Marines.
I asked him if the marines we're
good fighters
"GOOd fighters?" the soldier said;
"say, every time I see a marine
want to go up and give him a kiss.
eff they ever get started again they
will never stop till they get to Ber-
lin. Now, you listen to me, know.
Say, do you know what I saw them
marines do?
"They had taken three trenches and
was stopping in the third to fill their
pockets with grenades and bombs be-
fore tackling the next trench that
was chuck-full of Boches. The Dutch
was using mustard gas and we was all
wearing our masks. The grenades wuz
passed around.
'"The marines filled their pockets
and hung 'em on their belts and then
they seemed to decide that they need
ed more for the job than what they
had, so what did those crazy nuts do
but whip off their gas masks and fill
'em up with grenades and then, carry
HlS tllcIf IdSkS Ike lIiey was ludIhSL
baskets, up they jumped and down
they comes on the Dutch in the next
trench all spraddled out, and they
bombed 'em till there wasn't nothing
but jest grease spots left.
ooh, you marines, boys, my hat is
certainly off to you"
And likewise you infantry and you
artillery.