The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1918-03-22
Mr.. SIMPKINS PAYS
HIS INCOME TAX
BY ROBERT McBLAIR.


Colonel Simpkins, who had four times
been promoted for valor during the
Civil War and had died bravely on the |
field Of action. Mr.. Simpkins' throat |
ached now for two reasons: First, he
reverenced and adored the memory OF
his father; secondly, his age and his
eyes and his game leg wouldn't let him
20 TO wsr himself. And as he observed
the martial bearing and uncompromis-
ing gaze of Colonel Simpkins he saw,
in Imagination, the KHAKI! clad lads OF
the new generation marching forth and
crossing three thousand miles OF sea to
fight, maybe die. for liberty.
Mr.. Simpkins peered around to make
sure that neither Bess nor John (who
were at the teasing ages Of sixteen
and seventeen) were where they could
see him, then he Strengthened and
threw his right arm up for a salute.
But his equity shoulder twinged, and he
groaned. he couldn't even salute.
Damn" said Mr. Simpkins, and
with his other hand f1ercely twirled his
white mustachios.
He turned and limped into the IL
brary and sat down creakily before the
mahogany desk on which were lying
the blanks for his income tax state
ment, blanks which he had rather
grumpily got from the Internal Reve-
nue. officer only that day after lunch
con on his way home from the club.
Mr.. Simpkins' income for 1917 had
amounted to just about $4,000, and he
had been rather snappy on the sub
ject Of taxes ever since he had discov-
cred that the more income man has
the greater the percentage OF 1t he
pays in taxes. He could think of sew
eral men who, like himself, were mar
| ried and had two children, and yet,
| although their incomes were nearly
half of his, they would pay only q
small fraction Of the amount he paid.
He gloomily drew the blank nearer
and began filling In the information
that it asked for.
| AS Mr.. Simpkins' income was $4,000
he had to figure out the amounts pay
able on each Of the successive smaller
classes of incomes In order to arrive
at the total due from himself. He
passed over the first class who must
pay taxes, that is, single men making
over 1000. His calculation for mar
ried men then showed up as follows:
First, they pay per cent. (under
the 1915 law Oh all income over
$4,000, deducting 5000 for each Of their
children under eighteen years. In Mr..
Simpkins' case this was $212, which he
put down in the payable" column.
He saw next tbat, under the 1917
law, married men pay an additional 2
per cent. on all over $2,OO0-with the
same allowance for children. This
added 1882 to his payable" column.
He then observed that for every
$500 jump in his income over $1,000
he had to pay Surtax, the percentage
growing larger with each jump. This
was $3.50 more added to his burden
And on top of all this came an Eek.
cess Profits" tax of per cent. on all
"occupa ton" income over $4,000, max
ing $720 more.
i The total, then, he must pay was four
teen hundred and thirty-four dollars.
"Wheww exclaimed Mr. Simpkins
, angrily. there's young Henry vii
kins, who married Jake Johnson's girl
he makes $1,000 and he doesn't pay 9
cent. Of taxes. / guess this Is his wal
as well as mine"
Thinking Of young Henry wilkins
, he remembered that Mrs. wilkins wen
every afternoon to make bandages To-
the Red Cross and that Henry, WHIT
, was a lawyer, was aiding the Loca
Draft Board with it's questionnaires.
"Well." he admitted to himself
that makes q difference"
He thought next of Judge Willough
by, whose income was about $1,000.
II "He only pays $2O." commented MI
Simpkins, not quite so angrily thi
time: and then a thought struck hin
+ and he sat up rigidly in his chair.
Judge Willoughby's son had bee
drowned on the Tuscania when 1t wa
!. summarized with the loss Of two hur
dred soldiers.
= "Judge Willoughby gave his son t
+ America" muttered Mr.. Simpkins.
3 He leaned forward suddenly and pu
' his face In his hands.
r For a long time Mr.. Simpkins sa
very still in that position. There wa
a no sound in the library except tn
; ticking of the tall clock and an occs
sional trill Of laughter from the chi
+ dren skylarking upstairs. The squar
OF light on the carpet gradually witt
/ h. mi nd N
D first twilight and then darkness settle
" in about the quiet, white haired, some
: times irascible old man.
8 Mr.. Simpkins was thinking thing
: which he would never afterward spea
o of, he was thinking things that wer
r too sacred ever to be put into word
e But some inkling of his thoughts ma
e be found in his rejoinder to Mr.
e Simpkins when that placid lady cam
r in and turned Oh the lights, and aske
him whether he was ready for Dime
, 'Judge Willoughby's only son wa
e worth as much as fourteen hundre
and thirty-four dollars, wasn't hei
g Mr.. Simpkins demanded of her.
e As his wife, who was not unused
a his superficial irritations, watched hi
e in mild establishment, Mr.. Simpkir
limped out to the hall and took b
old felt hat and silver-headed car
from the hat rack. Letting himself OF
into the foggy evening he tapped b
way down to the corner. and mailed b
y Income tax statement and check wit
s his own hands.
b snow God be thanked" said M
e Simpkins as the I'D clanked shut ovt