The Topeka state journal., 1918-10-12
On Inspection Morning Causes
Distress.
Saturday Wind Spoils All
, Plans of Soldier.
BY w. S. TRAVIS.


There is a chance for big money for
a good, live, up-to-date poet in Camp
Funston that can assert his individual
ity and>cuss a Saturday morning wind.
Winds seem to be appropriated as
the literary property of poets, SO it
would probably have to be a gentle
man of that class or he wouldn't get
very far. Ever since the flood. and
probably before, every poet that hasn't
been in love, or had q personal grudge,
or got a little on the side to boom
somebody's political prospects. has
spent considerable of his valuable time
on the wind. But they always ideal
lied it. 1t was always. the gentle
zephyr that cooled his burning brow,
or brought the ship safely into port,
or ensnared a cloud or two to give
moisture to a parched and burning
land Once in a while storm at sea
would inspire somebody or other. But
wind on land, Kansas wind, hot
and dust-1aden, and most particularly
wind with the vicious meanness and
ornery cussedness of wind that blows
on inspection morning, is something
that has never been touched upon.
Wind on Inspection Morning.
A wind on/Saturday morning can
spoil more plans, deprive the world
Of more of that cleanliness which is
next to Goodness, and can wreck more
lives than any other one thing on rec
ord. 1t might well be clas1ed with
the kaiser of all the Germanies. That
gentle zephyr can pick up clod of
dirt and break it up in small particles
and scatter it in all manner of out of
the way places on the gun man has
to put up for inspection. 1t can put
a grimy film on shelves and barracks
windows. It can pile up refuse under
beds and over rafters. 1t can always
find a welcome in washedout grease
spot on pants or 1eggins, or on neatly
polished shoes. 1t can push dirt under
finger-nails freshly manicured, or on
hats newly brushed That wind can
put dust everywhere wind could pos
sibly conceive of, except in the in
spectors' eyes, and with diabolical
regu1a rity it scours out those eyes so
they can see the good work it has done
in other ways.
Loose Flaps in Belts.
That wind can blow loose flaps in
cartridge belts, or unbutton buttons
that should be closed, misplace packs
and hatcords, turn up collars, tickle
the nostriIs of the poor. unhappy sol
dier boy so he simply has to sneeze in
the face of his commanding officer,
and when the wind runs thru the
whole gamut of devilishness that hu-
man mind can think of, he goes out
in the back lot somewhere. and gets
some more.
There mus+ be a poet somewhere in
this land who has been beat out of
his girl or been put on K. P. three
days straight. or lost his whole
months pay in one short game of
craps, who has become embittered. If
such a man as this can lose his hair
and his other pants, or somehow be
further tantalized, it would seem that
he ought to be in fit shape to write a
new poem about the wind. He would
have nothing behind him and the
whole world before him; it should be
an epic. II such a man could write
such a poem, the mere reading of it
would put joy into the hearts of thou
sands and ten thousands of soldier
| boys, and that should be enough re-
ward. But if it wouldn't be, he could
have it copyrighted. and distribute
enough samples to get the word going,
and he could sell enough inside of
thirty days to buy him a barrel of
apples every winter for the next hun
dred thousand years.