South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1918-09-15

II Uncle sam bought shoes the
way the average woman does, il
would take him 100000 years to
buy 100000 pairs, and if Uncle
Sam bought the same kind of shoes
the average town woman buys it
would take him 100000 years to
lick Germany.
We would have all men optimists.
but a man who thinks justice will
be permanently established in this
world before half Of its landed area
shall have been converted into Gem
etries is not an optimist. but luna
tic.
OF course. events show that the
/ Germans had tickets from Peronne
TO Albert. from scissors 70 Chateau
Thierry and from La Fere TO Com
piegne and return. but the trip back
cost even more than the going trip.
The revenue bill Will have the
right CT way. That means the gov
eminent is appropriating the right
OF way to your pockets and profits.
and you must come across. Who
comes across quickly makes the
transit twice.
The worst of it is. the prices of
the most worthless and needless of
all articles of merchandise go higher
and are in keener demand accord
ing 10 their worthlessness.
The cool spell caused quite
number of patriots to make a cur
sorry survey Of last winters garments.
Some of us might get through pretty
well if It were not for the fact that
our jobs require us to sit so long
That is very wearing upon the trous-
er seats.
Get a smile in your voice when
lyou talk over the telephone" ad-
vises a Toledo Blade writer. But
some wives are 50 keen of scent they
could detect it. even then. II is just
as well TO cut it out altogether.
The Stacker roundup i'm New York
netted 10000. For one days drive
that bag OF enemies will hold even
the FOch record for a while.
Thousands of people in Germany
are half starved" says an Amster-
dam correspondent IL that is true.
then they know what the salaried
class of the United States contends
with when the profiteers commence
Ito gOuge them
The baseball excitement in AIisha-
waka is showing a trace, anyway
Investigation shows that there are
quite number of aged men whose
memory is good enough TO recall
having heard OF the Chicago Cubs
and the Boston Red Stockings.
And among those who are eager
for the scalp of the street railway
company may be mentioned thou
sands Of automobilists who do not
ride on the street cars at all.
1t is Mr. Burleson's plan TO con
Isolidate the pOstoffices. telegraph
offices and telephone exchanges, they
say That will be wrong, Albert
Keep these services separated and
there will be many times more places
for our deserving democrats, which
after all is the sublime objective of
all human government.
The Germans have discovered a
gas that will make our boys stone
blind But even at that they will
not be nut blind. as the German high
command and the kaiser are.
] We see that Trixie Friganza is
still in full activity in New York,
and we wonder how they ever man
aged to get the food regulations ap-
piled strictly to her living scheme.
Miss Florence Taft, a cousin of
the former president. is now work
ing in a munitions plant having
taken employment because workers
lwere needed. Her folks were shock
ed. but she is holding down her job.
That is breaking the ice-the wom-
en- will get into the war 100 percent
before long.
4 safety haircutter has been i'm
VENTED in Chicago. With the dollar
haircut threatened i'm Chicago ii
looks 20 us as If Chicago needed an
automatic haircutter.
a Milwaukee sergeant bagged 80
Germans near Juvigny. We sprinkle
q little salt on exploits like these
IIf he got them. which we do not dis
Ipu-e, he must have said: Don't
shoot; come with me and I will show
YOU something that made Milwau-
llee famous
a correspondent wants TO know
what makes US so bitter toward the
automobiles We are unable 10 say
unless il be the circumstance that
we haven't one. our malady is not
serious however. Probably one OF
Bob Harvey's little Dodges would
cure IL completely.