Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1918-11-07
Crown Prince Willie Writes to Papa.

BY q clever evasion Of the censor, We
are able to give our readers a lettel
written by Crown Prince Willie OF Ger
many to his papa: the Kaiser. explain
ing recent events on the battle front
II is entirely authentic, and reads as
follows:
On the Run Somewhere in France
Dear Papa am writing on the run
as the brave and glorious soldiers under
my command have not seen the Rhine
for so long that they have started that
way, and Of course am going NIT dem
Oh papa, dere has been some offel
dings happened in France First,
started in my big offensive which was
to crush the fool Americans, but dey
know so little military tactics dat dey
will not be smashed just like want 'em
sent my men in der fight in big waves
and when dey got to de Americans dey
all said, "Boo" as loud as dey could
holler. Veil, according to what you
hat always told me, de Americans should
have turned and run like blazes. But
what you think? Dem fool Americans
don't know anything about war, and
instead Of running de@udder yey. dey
come right toward us. Some OF dem
was singing some thing about ave Won't
come back till it's over, over there" or
some other foolish song, and some OF
dem laffing like fools. Dey are so
ignorant. But dey are offel reckless
nit dere guns, and ven dey come toward
us it was den dat my men took notion
dey wanted to 60 back to de dear old
Rhine. We don't like de little old,
Marne river anyhow. And oh, papa,
dem Americans use offel language. Dey
know nothing of kultur, and say such
offel things right before US. And dey
talk blasphemy. Vat you think dey
say right in front of my face? One big
husky from a place dey call Missouri,
he said-oh, papa, hate to tell you vat
offel ding he said-but ! can't help it..
He said: "To hell nit der Kaiser" |
didn't tink anybody would say such an
awful thing. 1t made me so mad |
wouldn't stand and hear such an awful
ting, so turned round and run with the
odder boys. Vas right? And, papa,
YOU know dem brest plates vat you sent
us; can you send some to put on our
backs ?You know we are going de odder
way now, and breast plates are no good,
for the cowardly Americans are shooting
us right in de back. Some of our boys
took off der breast plates, and put
'em behind, but de fool Americans are
playing "De Star Spangled Banner" NIT
machine guns on de plates. Can't you
help US? You remember in your speech
you said nothing could stand before de
brave German soldiers. Oh, papa, 1
don't believe dose ignorant Americans
ever read your speech, for dey run after
us like We was a lot of rabbits. Vot
do you think of dat? Can't you send
some of your speeches right away? Dey
don't know how terrible we are. Can't
you move my army back to Belgium
we're We Won all our glory? My men can
vip all de vimmen and children vat de
Belgians bring up. But desc Ameri-
cans are so rough and ignorant. We
can't make 'em understand dat We are
de greatest soldiers on earth and ven
We try to sing "Deutchland Ueber Allies"
dey laugh like a lot Of monkeys. But
we are getting de best of de Americans.
We can outrun dem, papa. II We are
not de best fighters on earth We are
sure de best runners. Nobody can keep
up nit us ven We tink of dear, dear old
Rhine, and my army never did tink so
much of dat dear old river before. Let
me know right away what to do by re-
turn post-office.
CROWN PRINCE WILLIE.
That was wise old rural philosopher