The evening Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1918-1920, 1918-10-22
LETTER FROM
WILLIE TO PAPA
Wants Some Breast Plates to Put
on Soldiers Backs

We have never seen a letter from
the Grown Prince to his father, the
Kaiser, says the editor of the Dubois,
Neb., Press. But if one could censor
such a letter, we imagine it would
sound something like this:
"Dear papa:
II am writing on the run, as the
brave and glorious soldiers under my
command have not seen the Rhine for
so long that they have started back
that way, and of course am going
NIT dem. Oh, Pap, dere has been
some offel dings happened here in
France. First, I started in my big
offensive which was to crush de fool
Americans, but dey know so little
about military tactics dat dey will not
be crushed just like | want 'em. |
sent my men in der fight in big way
es, and when dey got to de Am
ericans dey all said "Boo," as loud
as dey could holler. Veil, according
to vat you have always told me, de
Americans should have turned and
run like blazes. But, vat do you
tink? Dem fool Americans don't
know anything about war, and in
stead of running de oder way, dey
came right towards us. Some of dem
was singing something about We
Won't come back till it's over, over
dere,' OF some odder foolish song,
and some of dem laffing ike fools.
Dcy are so ignorant. But dey are
awful reckless nit dere guns, and
ven dey come towards US it was Ger,
MY men took q notion dey wanted to
go back to de dear old Rhine. We
don't like de little old dirty Marne
river, anyhow. And, oh, Pap, dem
Americans use such offel language.
Dcy know noting of kultur, and dey
say such offel dings right before US.
Talf of blashphemy, too. Vat you
tink, dey say digit in front Of my
face? One big husky from a place
dey call Kansas, he said, Oh, Papa, I
hate to tell you vat an offel ting he
said, but l can't help it; he said, TO
hell nit der Kaisern Did you ever
hear anything so offel? didn't tink
anybody would say such an offel ting.
1t made me so mad. wouldn't stand
and hear such an offel ting, so | turn
ed round and run NIT de other boys.
Vas I right? Vat?
"And, Oh, Papa You know dem
breastplates yot you sent us? Can
you send some to put on our backs? p?
Y You know we are going de odder way,
now, and breastplates are no good,
for de cowardly Americans are shoot
ing US right in der back. Some OF
our boys took off der breastplates and
put 'em besind, but de fool Americans
are playing DE Star-Spangled Ban
ner' nit machine guns on dem breast
plates. Can't you help us? You re-
member in your speech you said
nothing could stand before de brave
| German soldiers? Oh, Papa, | don't
/ believe desc ignorant Americans ever
read your speech, for dey run aftel
US Just like We vas a lot of rabbits
Vot you tink of dot? Can't you send
dem some of your speeches right
away? Dey don't know how terrible
We are. Can't you move my army
back to Belgium we're We Won ali oul
glory? My men can vip all de vim
men and children vot dem Belgiums
can bring up. But desc Americans
are so rough and ignorant We can't
make 'em understand dot We are dc
greatest soldiers on earth, and yer
We try to sing Deutschland Ueber A.
lies they laugh like lot of monkeys
But care getting the best of dc
Americans. We can outrun dem
Papa, if We are not de best fighters or
earth, We are sure de best runners
Nobody can keep up nit US ven We
tink of der dear old Rhine.
CROWN PRINCE WILLIE