Newport daily independent., 1918-01-29
A. Nuts C0lpunl

thought we weren't listening when they said it had more in it than ours.
 After having spent Sunday shovel ing ice, the Independent force re- turned to work last night, greatly refreshed.
 l Since it was announced that bald headed men are not acceptable for army service, our A.-No. 1 drafted nigger porter has lost no opportunity | to worry his durndest.
 
 For Sale at Bargain-One axe, which was purchased by the present owner last week for the purpose of chopping wood for the poor. Axe is in first class condition, having never been used. See Crack L. Smith. A few have expressed their cu- riosity to learn the identity of A. Mutt, who chisels this column. That's an office secret, and if any of the bunch gives us away, we'll see, that they die too. sg5s s FAR
 When woman receives two or three letters at time she'll look at them for about fifteen minutes before she decides which one to open first.
 Ever take notice that when you ad- mire baby, it's mother produces a handkerchief and wipes it's nose? If anybody around this town should get heated up to the point of want ing to start something, we would like for him to work on the town clock.
 iFF .gzi Some of those newspaper pictuAes are very disappointing. In a Sunday paper we saw picture of "the best gowned woman in Chicago but as far down as we could see there was no gown.
 Cheer up, men. We'll be recom- pensed for this coalR shortage next summer. Fashion designers say there will be another shortage of skirts then, and that they'll continue to wear only one at time. A woman experiences little diff culty i'm making a jassack of man, but,1 fertunately for the general scheme of things, she can't deceive one of her own sex for little minute. ] The makeup man, who was per- suaded to leave the north few weeks ago to work, for the Independent, has asked us to move the plant to his home town so he can keep from freez- ing to death.
 A man that can sell ice in this kind of weather could work for Rockefel- Ter. '''91 Y <-4
 We've reached the cdnclusion that fellow has ouebe either stingg or dishonest to get ahead in this wild, wild world, so we've decided to make one bar of soap do the work of two hereafter.
 Yesterday when the Newport Jew elry Company received a shipment of watch fobs bearing charms of egg coal, the proprietor was promptly accused of hoarding fuel.
 We have just learned that all the mistakes in the world are not made in this office. On local hotel register appears an advertisement of the In- dependent and it says this paper is dependent medium for honest ad- yertising. The Independent isn't so de- pendent as all that. So when you go down to read this register and come across our ad, please substitute the word dependable" for dependent" {" You may read the rest of the regis ter any old way you choose. |
 German statesmen say that Ger many does not care to annex Belgium she merely wants to administer Belgium affairs in the interest of German kultur and commercialism As the office porter said in one of his lucid intervals, "There ain't no more difunce between some things den thah is between othahs."
 Rachael, don't call it sleet. It's I glaise. It seems you will never as-