New-York tribune., 1918-03-25
Demon Left Fielder of Giants
Announces Rules for
Reducing
By Louis Lee Arms

MARLIN, Tex, March 24.-On the
word of George Burns, the demon left
fielder of the Giants, there is hope for
the Eat and the bald. Viewing George
on hot summers day, dragging fly
balls out of the circumambient, one
would never suspect that he reports
IN the spring sporting a nobby bay
window. Nor would one believe that
the Polo Grounds fes-the kind you
are supposed to swat, when in reality
YOU hit yourself-are planning to hold
their fifteenth annual reunion atop his
roof gsrden.
Yet such is the truth. Young and
athletic as he appears to the cursory
eye, We are in position to affirm that
he is both fat and growing bald,
George views this dual tragedy with
great show of stoicism. He even is
given to telling other people how to
rid themselves of fatty excess that
gathers near the Mason and Dixon line.
That is the sure sign of the incurable.
Has Message to Mankind"
Indeed. Mr. Burns's words amount
almost to a message to all men. Now
that n certain medicist. who was given
to holding his finger aloft and declar-
ing there is hope. is dead-where he
should be able to speak more author
ltatively on his subjective think We
know his logical successor.
do not drink water when you are
thirsty says Mr.. Burns in what is
virtually Rule 1 of his war on obcs-
ity.
Atparently.a man may drink all the
water he chooses when he is not
thirsty, but we submit this would be
& strange undertaking unless there was
something in it to give little life to
the party. Neither must one drink
two hours before or two hours after
water feeds the expiring fat in
ones stomach organs" says the famous
physician-left fielder, "and when one
IS thirsty that is the sign that the fat
in ones system is crying for assist
ance."
"Partake only lightly of food and do
not eat between meals" according to
the young NJ. d. Exercise about as
much as good union left-felder ex-
ercises and in few weeks time the
fat will begin to disappear and one
Shubert grenadier, or a gentleman
ir a collar advertisement.
There is one nice thing about Georges
advice. 1t is easy to follow in Marlin.
The hotel management at the Arlington
will see to it conscientiously that no
man overeats on his stay here, and to-
day the city water works stripped its
hamlet fiat. Marlin is dry enough
since the last election and this latest
caper of the water works seems like
carrying good thing too far.
Fails to Cure Self
On the matter of badness Doctor
Burns speaks with less authority, since
his own case. But he submits that
sunshine is good for the head. and for
that reason he has cut the top out of
his baseball cap, through which the
bald spot winks at one.| 1t sometimes
looks as though George were carrying
a cantaloupe in his hat.
This seems to be a lot of unneces-
sary trouble. Many people, particu-
larly college ball players, solve the
dificulty by losing their caps whenever
they round first base. That gives the
sun a chance to work for three bases,
but apparently DR.. Burns never went
to college.
Sunday is a very quiet and restful
day in Marlin and it can always be
identified by the fact that Eddie Curley
leaves his sweater in his room and puts
on a white collar, while Sam Crane
wears a derby hat. This gives dis
tinguished look to the Giants party,
though it makes Sam and Eddie uncom-
Portable and self-conscious.
This morning some of the ball play
ers went for a cross country hike led by
Captain Arthur Fletcher. while others
went out to the handball court. Wal
ter Holke is the best handball player
among the Giants and he has few Gus
toners, including Joe Wilhoit, George
Smith, jeff Tesreau. Mike Hogan and
Prince Henry Schaefer. Walter has
such long arms and legs that he can
reach to any part of the court without
especial effort.
The last week of work begins here
tomorrow with a game against the
United States army aviators who are
concentrated at Waco. They will come
led by a sxty-piece band, which ought
TO make some of these street organs
curl up and die. After the game, if it
is flying weather, Manager McGraw
plans to go over to Waco in plane.
1t is but a sixteen minute spin by the
aerial route, and the Giants manager
says he always has had desire to try
mis- luck in the clouds. IF they get
high enough Mr.. McGraw will find him
self one spot where it will be diff
cult to change pitchers