Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-03-03
Settling a Burning Question

terribly interested in what's coming to
Bill, anyhow, Boney," said julius Gaze
sar. what is it to you what they do
with him."
pride In my own record" said Napo-
leon "ind it has rather worried me
lately to hear people talk about send
ing Bill to- st. Helena, for l should re
sent that with all my strength. You
fellows may not know 1t, but st. Hell
ena was not a penitentiary, but a place
Of exile 1t was an honor. not a dis
grace They sent me there because
they feared my power. not because they
wantd to quarantine me, as II l. were
some kind of contagious disease
That's where Bill and l differ. Bill IS
disease, that has broken out with such
virulcnce in the upper world that tne
under world seems like health resort
along side of it. and there isn't any
physician in the universe. from old Doc
Aesculapius down to Lydla flnkndH1'
that knows how to cure it. 1t IS par
ticularly violent form Of German measles.
complicated with an acute swelling OF
the head and Inflammation of the Teu-
tonicus Potsdamii. 1t has been defined
by DIR. Wizzypate of Heidelberg as a
malignant carbuncle on the neck OF
civilization, and is altogether the most
dangerous disorder the world has yet
known. You can't have 1t twice. be-
cause if it gets you once 1t has got you
for good. The only thing to do is TO
stamp it out and to seQuestrate the
original germ, and that original germ
happens to be Bill. My interest in the
matter is that 1 don't want to see my
stock put on the toboggan by having
Bill sent to St Helena as IL he and 1
were two of kind"
Il don't blame you, Boney," said We'll
lington. There's no denying that you
were a good deal of bother in your
day, and we had a hard time mailing
you down to that special form of in
nocuouS desuetude we thought best
suited TO your peculiar talents-as
what the Greeks used to call a dam
nuisance. But bad as you were, you
were mumps to cholera along side of
this bacilli-billy that has just broken
loose uber allies If you want to get up
a petition to the allies begging them.
out of consideration for your reputa-
ton as a soldier and comparative gen.
tleman, not to send Bill to St Helena.
III sign it with the greatest of pleas
ure.'
Me too" said Cromwell
Same here" said Washington.
Ditto hic,' said Caesar. Fact isl
the noble Roman added. IT think it's
high time we got up a warriors union
to protest against classifing the Ter
rible Teut as a soldier at all. AS Ma
poleon suggests, the man is not a war
rior, but an ailment He may wear nine
ty-seven different kinds Of uniform be-
tween breakfast and lunch. but that
does not alter the fact that he is dis
order He is the supreme manifesto
llCh Oh r JUROR GefInanlcuS the Dementia
, Teutonica."
"Righto." said Napoleon. I'll hav,
$ the petition drawn up at once. But ii
; order to make it more effective,
think we should suggest some kind o
: constructive scheme for handling hin
a when the times comes"
n why don't you volunteer to cut of
e his head with that dinky little hatche
I of yours, George" suggested Hannibal
{ addressing Washington.
= Because, Ham, old man. I neve
had no dinky little Ratchet. Tha
cherry tree story was only a littl
r campaign invention to injure me wit
h the farmer vote. but 1t won the Sun
r day school vote. so there was no harr
h DONE" said Washington.
n "'Twouldn't be any good anyhow.
I said Alexander. You couldn't cut OF
d head as big as Bills with anythin
short of a sawmill."
e Moreover" said Sir Walter Raleigr
a you don't want to humilIete Charlie
II I and Louis XVI and b5ur humbl
" servant by intimating that what wa
n proper for US is sufficient for littl
l. Willie
Here, Here" cried Robespierr,
10 "r>Ir suggestion shows that -yonhav