The Benson signal., 1918-03-16

Wdru the future, complete In 1tSelf,
perfect-WaS a failure.
1t was not until, pretty ruefully,
they acknowledged this, tore up their
artificial resolution not to look at the
future, apd~deliberately set themselves
to the contemplation of a life that
would have to take into account COM
plex and battling considerations, that
their honeymoon became a success.
1t was we'll along in their month that
this happened.
Rose had spent maddening sort of
day, a day that had been all edges,
trying not to let herself feel hurt over
fantastic secondary meanings which it
was possible to attach to some Of the
things Rodney had said, trying to be
cheerful and sensible, and to ignore
the patent fact that his cheerfulness
was as forced and unnatural a thing
as hers. The children-as a rule the
best-behaved little things in the world
had been refractory. So, after their
supper, when they'd finally gone off to
sleep, and Rose had rejoined Rodney
in the sitting room, she was in q state
where it did not take much to set her
off.
It was not much that did; nothing
more, indeed. than the fact that she
found her husband brooding in front
Of the fire, and that the smile with
which he greeted her was little too
quick and bright and mechanical, and
that it soon faded out. The Rodney
of her memories had never done things
like that. If you found him sitting in
a chair, you found him reading book.
When he was thinking something out
he tramped back and forth, twisted his
face up, made gestures. That habit
couldn't have changed. It was just
that he didn't care to be natural
with her! Couldn't feel at home with
her! Before she knew it, she was cry
ing.
He asked, in CONSERVATION, what
the matter was.
Nothing" she said. absolutely
nothing. Really"
"Then it's just-that you're not hap
py, with me, like this" He brought
that out gravely, a word at time,
as though they hurt.
"Are you happy, with me-like
thisT she countered.
1t was question he could not an
swer categorically, and she did not
give him time for anything else.
"What's the matter with us, Roddy?'
she demanded. "We ought to be hap
py. We meant to be-" Her voice broke
in sob over that. "And here we are
like this!"
'Tt hasn't all been like this" he
said. '"Tbere have been hours, a day
or two, that I'd go through the whole
thing for, again, If necessary"
She nodded assent to that. "But the
rest Of the time!" she cried. "Why
can't we Uncomfortable together?
Why Roddy, why can't you be
natural with me? Like your old self.
Why don't you roar at me, any more?
And swear when you run into things?
I've never seen you formal before
not with anybody. Not even with
strangers. And now you're formal
with me-"
The rueful grin with which he ac-
knOwledged the truth Of this indict-
ment was more like him, and it cheered
her immensely. She answered it with
one Of her own, dried her eyes, and
asked again, more collectedly:
swell. can you tell me why?"
"Why, it seemed to me-" he said,
"that it was you who were different.
And you have changed, Of course,
down inside, more than I have. You've
been through things in the last year
and half, found out things that ]
know nothing about, except as have
read about them in books. So, when
remember how things used to be be-
tween us, how used to be the one who
knew things. and how preached and
spouted, I get to feeling that the man
you remember must look to. you now,
like-well, like a schoolboy showing
off,"
She stared at him incredulously.
'But that's downright morbid" she
said. "It's horrible that should make
you feel like that" she concluded.
"It isn't you," he told her. 'It's
just the situation. can't help feeling
that I'm taken on approval. Oh, it's
got to be like thatl There are things
that, with all the forgiveness in the
world, you can't forget. And until
you have seen that am different, that
4 have made myself different. ~
She gave a shaky laugh. "On ap-
proval!" Her eyes filled again. "Rod-
dy, you can't mean that" She came
Il over and sat down in his lap, and slid
her arm around his neck. '"This is
where We'll begin!" she said. "That
I'll never-whatever happens-walk
out on you again. Whether things
go we'll or badly with us, We'll work 1t
out, somehow, together"
It was not until she heard the long,
shuddering sigh he drew at that, and
felt him go limp under her, that she
realized how genuine his fear had