davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

There's no fool like the old fool who
 paints her face and dresses like a chicken.
 One reason why we would like to be a preacher is because if we couldn't remember a mans name we could al- ways bluff it through by calling him
 brother"
 Women are queer. woman will treat her husband like he was eight degrees
 lower down than a Hun (and that's some low down), and then she will get mad because the neighh hors do not re-
 spect him.
 When the milkman comes around for his money father can't see why the family can't get along on one pint of i,milk day. Bur when the beer man comes around for his money father fig ures that he might as we'll order an eNtra case because the weather is warming up.
 Any time you see~ man walking home from the race track the betting 1 is that he isn't doing it because he needs the exercise. It is mighty good thing that the girls do not have to wear bustles under their skirts this summer. If they did the skirts wouldn't reach. much below the hips.
 IHe reason why a man likes to near his wife say that she has a splitting headache and that he'll have to get up and fix his own breakfast is because he ] would give the Kaiser a hug and kiss 1 if he could only meet him. soft-headed man has no business trying to do business with hard- headed one.
 There wouldn't be so many failures If men knew as much about their own
 business as they know about yours. Once upon time a man who had been married for 10 years came home and told his wife that he loved her. The coroner's verdict was that the poor woman's death was caused by great shock.
 | woman is so fond of dumb animals
 that if she can't get a cat or a dog. she'll get husband Every community has a man who Is such perfect lady that other men don't want to go around with him un-
 less there is chaperon along. If you want to make a man popular iin dry town just start a rumor that he has quart hidden away. And men who haven't spoken to the man in 10 lyears will come around and pat him on
 the back and tell him what q ane fel-
 low he is.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Another Week of
 War Savings Drive

N LABAMA will make an excellent G2A showing in the War Savings drive. Reports received at state head quarters have come up to expectations and when all the remote sections are heard from the total, it is believed, will be of the over -the-top kind.
 Here in the Birmingham district, where splendid record is already realized, the drive will continue a week longer. This cleanup" canvass will be conducted quietly, but it will be none the less vigorous and effec- tive. a
 Nearly everyone in Jefferson county has invested something in Savings Stamps. A great many persons have bought up to the thousand dollar limit. But an effort should be made to double the total amount now pledged here. It can be done.
 Those who have invested literally, but not up to the limit, will be urged to buy more. Buy all you cam is still the slogan.
 At the end of the present week Bir-
  mingham's quota will probably be oversubscribed 100 per cent. It will be so if the drive is maintained at the same rate it has been going
 Certain it is that the War Savings campaign grows in popularity as the scope and purpose become fully under stood by the masses.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

beaten and bankrupt, will be put up at auction and bid in by a syndicate conn posed of England, France, Italy and America, who will transfer the title from the hated Hohenzollerns to an interna- tlonal underwriting committee of free men who will see to it that it is gov erned as a constitutional monarchy or republic and not by a mad, autocratic Kaiser.
 Be it remembered that this will be but way of showing up the egomania of the Kaiser, who sought to dominate the world by bringing it homo to him that his vain pretensions of being a twen- tieth century Caesar shall be brought to naught, but that the old Roman custom by which the Quaestor sold military booty and captives in war by auction shall be applied to him and his Kingdom shah be sold subhasta, that is under the spear-the spear. being symbol of quirl- tarian ownership.
 If you want to hasten this auction and humble the mad monarch of Potsdam, join the colors, and if you can't fight, then get into some war work, and # you dier or workman, but have money, then support every war activity and let it both talk and fight for you.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
THE MORNING MIST

By Southey. Look. William, how the morning mistk Have covered all the scene, Nor house nor hill canst thou behold, Gray wood, or meadow green. The distant spire across the vale The floating vapors shroud, Scarce are the neighboring poplars
 seen,
 Pale shadowed in the cloud But seest thou, William. where ths
 miStS
 Sweep OCT the southern sky, The dim effulgence of the sun That lights them as they fly? Soon shall that glorious orb of day In all his strength arise, And roll along his azure way, Through clear and cloudless skieA Then shall we see across the vale The village spire so white. And the gay wood and meadow green Shall live again in light
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
IN HOTEL HOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
He Is n Progressive

T have come up to Birmingham to try my fortune" said Robert Vaughn of Camden.
 I am 20 and have three brothers in the war, and if the draft is lowered to ls it will get three more of us. A nalf a dozen from one family, I think. would be the Vaughns' doing their bit. have been working in country store and just got tired of 1t. The business was principally advancing. During the summer months we might as we'll have closed the doors until Saturday. I thought I would see if couldn't get into more strenuous work in Birming- ham"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Y sF q No More Advertising of Ocean Cruises

M ssUMING that German subma- SA rines are still lurking off the American coast, the navy department has asked newspapers to refuse all advertisements which contain infor- nation about ship movements. A vol untary censorship is already in effect as regards the publication of the ar- rival and departure of ships in news columns. It is suspected that enemy spies have used such advertising mat ter to aid U-boats in their operations along the Atlantic seasboard, especial ly in locating excursion steamers and cocstwise vessels.
 This means that attractive illustra- tions showing splendid white ships sailing through tropic seas, while their happy passengers stroll about the decks or gaze through glasses at some island clothed in luxuriant vegetation will no longer please the readers eye, appealing to the wanderlust that is in every mans blood.
 Steamship, railroad and automobile advertising has transcended commer- cialism and become an art. Each in its way exploit sthe beauties and won ders of nature, affording opportuni- ties for the expert adman to weave into pictorial presentment a word picture which completes the undoing of potential customer with enough money in his pocket to take trip on land or sea, or buy car, which seems to be the destiny of every American not in the fell cluth of poverty
 We shall miss those advertisements, but ce'st le guerre.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Splendid Morale
 Among the Allies

M7EVER has the morale of the
 4 N countries banded together for the overthrow of Prussian autocracy been so strongly in evidence as it is now. Not that it has ever shown signs of weakening. The allies have always displayed bold spirit when prepar- ing for battle, as we'll as dauntless courage in the thickest of barrage fire.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

in that town of mine by that time, I'm going right up and thumb, my nose at every one of them. And if anyone of them raises His jimmy, I'm goin to say, Yah. you son-of-a-gun. The likes of you made me take my hands ouhof my pock- cts. where they was comfortable, every time turned around in France. But now that I'm in cits'. you can go plumb to hell!''
 Shaker said the sergeant But the corporal had slipped the mitt to the pri- yafe before he could say it.
 Shaker cried they all.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

or any other kind of politician. n us send men to the legislature who al competent to aid in the construction revenue legislation and who will vol as strict business men on appropriatid bills. Alabama is doing it's part in makirI war material Its people are doing spIei did work in everything that the admiI istration at Washington needs for successful termination of this war. Lt us, therefore, send to the legislatuI men without personal or political axd to grind-men with determination. to dt velop and build up the industries of thI state in order that these may exist i'd all time, and that ali men who are will ing to work will have opportunity to d so at good salaries.
 * # +
 Ine people or Blrmlngnam ana or Ala bama ought to give as much attentio to the selection of proper men to reprd sent them in all political offices as theI have given to the great work of the Rel Cross, the War Savings Stamps and tn Liberty Loan
 If we will do this we will have no fuS ther apologies to make in future for oui representatives. wherever they might bd
 7 '
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Ellis Proud of Dallas

was over at Memphis recently" said J. B. Ellis of Selma, "and at a Rotary dinner found out that there were a lot of Selmians living in the river city.
 Il got to asking about certain men and found out that Dallas county was running true to form, for three of her boys had gone after fat offices and landed them. There is something in the very air which makes a Dallas county man hungry for political plums. It's even in my system and that is why am going to the state senate. I want to follow in the footsteps of my father, and if I make as good one as he did l will be satisfied, and I know the peo- pie will"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
AUCTIONS AND THE KAISER-Rv Frank Willis Rarnn+f

| From my boyhood up auctions have had fascination for me. I remember how excited I used to get when they
 hung out the auctioneer's red flag in front of store, or at the courthouse,
 or the public street.
 The ringing of the auctioneers bell. swifter feet to the place of sale than did the ringing of the church bell hurry
 me churchward, yet I was always a churchgoing lad, and, proud to say, brought up in a home where family prayer was part of the days sched- ule.
 1 I have sat enthralled under the magic spell of some of the worlds greatest ora i tors, but none have so held me with their | glittering eye or magic voice as did "JudN Brannon. the town auctioneer, whose
 clarion-like tones carried almost to the city limits.
 I have stood beneath his desk or around the platform from which he cried his wares completely under his hypnotic spell, and swayed with emotion as he led the eager bidders to compete with one
 another to the precise psychological mo- tnent until he reached the climax, saying In manner as impressive as though he were about to pronounce a death sen- tence: "Once. twice and last call.'' | held my breath as his hammer swayed , on high and when it fell it seemed to
 me as if the worlds doom had been struck.
 It must have been in my blood. for they toll it on my uncle, Samuel Barnett. one time secretary of agriculture and railroad commissioner of Georgia, who lived at Washington. the famous old town in which the last meeting of the cabinet of the Southern Confederacy wa held. and for a quarter of a century
 next door neighbor to Gen. Robert
 Toombs. that if he happened to be on the square when an auction was in prog ress he was overcome with an rresist- ible impulse to buy everything of a up. tale goes that on auction days Aunt Liz zie would gather up all the odds and
 ends and send them down to be sold and that as regularly as she did Uncle sam would buy them and order them sent up to the Grove his home I just have to even keep out of mock
 auctions, for, although I know that the whole thing is a frame-up, it is hard for me to stop within the sound of the I '.barkers" without buying something for which I have no need at dear price. have the same weakness about going into a book store. I have managed to be able to go into a department store which 1 sells them without loading up, but dare not go into second hand one, for
 know I will fall from grace and go home with an armfull.
 l Auctions come down to us from the ! earliest times. Herodotus describes a GUS tom which prevailed in Babylonian vil- i lages of dlsposing of maidens in mar riage by delivering them to the highest | the purpose. There is no record that if man got ''stung'' he could return his purchased bride and get his money back Tor sue the auctioneer for cheating and swindling. It's an old story of the ne-
 gro who got a preacher to marry him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

BEGINNING THE DAY-The fruit of the Spirit is love. joy. peace, long, suffering, kindness, goodness, faith fuiness, meekness, self-control. Q God, what of these has been wrought in me. Search me and know me. Show me myself. Give me q new humility and n new passion to be like Thee. In Christ's name. Amen. H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
A Farming Professor

T have just been down to my farm In Wilcox" said J. A. Hendricks, a pro- lessor at Howard college. but one of the big farmers in Alabama, as he has HOO acres near Kings Landing, 4o- acre pecan orchard in Washington county, and satsuma grove near Mo- bile
 Corn and cotton are both in fine shape in Wilcox, and unless the boil Weevil comes soon it will be the best crop since 1914. I have heard so much cattle and bull talk recently that I am hguring on getting into the game"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

and who are in training to fight for their country need men in charge of affairs at home who will back them up in every possible way.
 # x x
 In the first place let us select a busi- ness man as governor and a man of ex- perience and wisdom as lieutenant gov ernor Tom Kilby and Nat Miller strike me as most excellent men respectively for these places.
 Above all things let us select a man who is one hundred per cent American; a man who is willing to do team work, and a man of force and devotion to the Birmingham district to succeed our pres ent misrepresentative in Congress. Let us send a man to Congress who would get the soldier vote if the boys were here. It behooves every relative of every young man who has donned a uniform and who is today in the service of his country to vote to send a man to Congress who will uphold the administration and who will put himself in position to be able to speak for his constituents who are serving this American government
 !. # #
 Let us likewise be careful in selecting members of the state senate and the state house of representatives. Let us elect no man simply because he has been
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
How to Support
 Community Sing

V HERE will be no community sing
 4 in Birmingham this afternoon. Lack of financial support is the cause of the discontinuance of the Sunday concerts. But way must be found, and doubtless will be found, whereby the sings will be resumed and placed on a substantial basis.
 Last summer and during the greater part of the winter season the cost of the entertainments was met by con- tributions of public-spirited citizens
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
2,e.}s1ousa.

THE FAVORED ONE. Erasmus Hind Thought fate was kind When he got three square meals I
 day, A place to sleep In lodgings cheap,
 Apparel neither fine nor gay. Elisha Fitch, Though very rich, -l Found many reasons to complaint: No gifts beguiled, He seldom smiled,
 The poor mans joys gave him a palm Which of the two, I'm asking yoR
 Would you, my friend, prefer to be 4 Erasmus? Right! A lucky wight Or so it always seemed to me,
 NO DISPLAY.
 '~The sight of a father trying tol quiet his bawling offspring at s o'clock in the morning is distressing. ;, 'But it's sight you don't often sec .'a T wasn't speaking literally. oil course the average father who gets up at that hour and walks the floor ha s the decency to hide himself from the neighbors' eyes by pulling down the e| window shades. He knows his figurel is nothing to brag about"
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
THERE IS
From the Nashville Banner.

From the Nashville Banner.
 ''Is There a Real Devil?" was the subject of noted evangelists lecture recently. And the very next day an un- armed hospital ship, carrying sick and wounded. attended by female nurses, was blown to pieces and sunk by German shells.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Black Belt Barbecue

! went down to Dallas county to at- tend a barbecue which was given at Feiix station by J. F. Suttle in honor or visiting relatives from Texas" said Rev. l.. M. Bradley.
 Tt had been quite a time since I mad been at a barbecue in the black belt, and l surely enjoyed it. Dallas county has had reputation for years of being given to hospitality and it IS still living up to it's name"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

and gave him as a wedding fee dollar, With the understanding that if after he had lived with her month and found l that she was worth more, he would re- turn and give him four more "sa- moleons' He showed up in less than two weeks and asked for the return of 50 cents. as he had "diskvered" that she want worth what he gin him for tieing the knot.
 l dare say that some of the older men remember the days of reconstruction in the south, when the legislature almost put up the privileges and sold them at auction. Any way, public office was a matter of barter and sale and politicians sold themselves to the highest bidder. When Sulpicianus was treating for the
 imperial dignity at the hands of the Praetorians, fearing that it would not bring sufficient price by private con tract, they proclaimed from their ram parts that the Roman world was to be disposed of by public auction to the high est bidder. According to Gibbon, Julian proceeded to the foot of the ramparts and outbid his competitors
 Y l know twentieth century Caesar, one Er peror Wilhelm III, who is in fair way to lose his kingdom. for the day, thank God, is coming, and hope is not far away when the empire of Germany.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
DROUGHT IN THE GARDEN

From the Grand Rapids Press.
 The milkman advises bordeaux mix ture for the bugs in our garden. but the state is so dry now that we guess they'll have to be satisfied with win ordinaire
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
WHY WOMEN LOVE SOLDIERS


 Cora Harris in the Independent.
 Every man in this valley had his own view of this war and every woman held the same view. We were fighting, they told me, for the women and children in France and Belgium whom the Germans were starving, and for the women and children here who would starve if the Germans conquered. Everybody was fighting the Germans to save the women and children. I believe in their secret souls all women since the beginning of strife on this earth, who have seen their men go to war, fought the same thing. It is an instinct with them based upon the fact that they are that part of his property very precious to his honor, for the defense of which it is indecent not to die, if i- is necessary to fight and die. This is why women love soldiers more than they do other men. Soldiers are personal compliments to them, armed and maintained for them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
Son Arrives in France

'I have received a card from my son Alfred, who is chaplain in the United States army" said Mrs. A. J. Dickinson, merely stating that he had arrived safely at French port, which is very comforting news as he sailed while the German submarines were active in the Atlantic.
 My other son, Charley, is at Camp Lee under orders for oversea service" {"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
sTRADDLING

From the Mobile Register
 "Bill Brandon is slipping fast" quotes the Limestone Democrat. Impossible, with foot on each side the divide.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
SUPERIORITY.

SUPERIORITY. MT. Blobster has been rich man for years, yet he still stands in awe of his butler"
 And how do you account for that?" "I can't explain it unless it's because the butler is a much better gramma- rian than MT. Blobster.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
SOCK RECEpTAcLEs.

SOCK RECEpTACLEs. Just saw an educative movie" "A war industry?' Related to war industry. | showed how womens knitting bags are made"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
TO AN AVIATOR.

v v Oh, birdman flying in the sky, A speck you are against the blue; And now and then you disappear, The mists of cloudland passing
 through 1 cannot hear the engine throb, Nor see the swift propeller go. For you are very high above And I am very far below. But in my heart I envy you The glad, free movement of yCur
 plane
 On buoyant pinions to disdain.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

 May ask what you are reading" You may. It's a detective story, rather unusual yarn" In what particular?' Tt seems the Scotland Yard man gets the best of all the private detectives whose wits are pitted against his."
 NONESSENTIAI..
 I'm afraid this Professor Caducci is engaged in nonessential industry" What does he do?"
 "He trains acrobats."
 Well, men Of good physique are needed, now"
 Quite true, but the acrobats Pro- lessor Caducci trains perform in flea circuses."
 SOMETHING STRONGER. Would you say Mrs. Daslby is in-4 elined to he extravagant?
 T would hardly call it an inclina tion."
 Why not?"
 The word is too mild What Mrs. Dashby seems to have is oosmic urge n r,an
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

Love and meekness, lord, Become a churchman better than am- bitiOn; Win straying souls with modesty again, Cast none away.
 Henry VIII.
 & . *
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

Remittanees can pe made al curieL rate vI eAchange. The Ase-tlera4d VIII not Le responsible tor money ssAl through tne InaIIs. Address,
 4Ar AGE1- nnRALD,
 Birmlng ham, Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

No commun1gation wIll be pupllsAsN without its autnors name. heJeS-eu i44a4uscripe ~4st.I4o. se retufneu 1hAe~S stamps are enclosed for that purpose
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

TELEPHONE Bell tprivate exchange connecting ali departnents) Main 4900.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07

Entered at the Bfruuhgnau. A.a, postoffice as second-ctass matter, un- der act of Congress, March s, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-07-07
UNIQUE DENoUENIENT.

UNDUE DFNUUENIENT.
 May I ask what you are reading?" You may. It's detective story a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1918-07-24

even a larger scaIe-to regain the con-
fidence of the German people.
During the enemy retirement. Ger
man officers say the allied artillery
fire compelled them to fall back so
fast they were unable to maintain an
effective counter barrage. While the
allies were bombarding boche posi-
tions preparatory to some Of the local
attacks, the German outposts were
forced to take cover and many were
captured before they could come out
of their hiding places. In some re-
gions the fighting was carried on al
most entirely by artillery and ma
chine guns. the Germans being so far
ahead of the Americans that rifles
and grenades could not be used ef-
fectively.
Guns Did Good Work.
Allied aviators and German pris-
oners testify to the destruction
wrought by our heavy guns on rail-
ways, roads and important functions
which were necessary to the eneny's
retirement.
The German plan of retreat left the
| machine gun squads to fight real
guard actions at many points. On sew
| eral occasions when the guns and theil
| crews were captured the boche gun
| ners did not know that their comrade:
! had already fallen back.