Evening star., 1918-08-04
Oh ~ HICKORY RATS ONE Up By SeWel
NYBoDY would most think I'd
~ been with the Corrugated
~ Trust long enough to know
= = Ole Hickory Nllins generally

Or Q two-thirds majority vote from
the board Of directors. But once In
. while I seem to forget. and shortly
after that I'm wonderia' II 1t was .
tank I went up against 30 solid. or II
some one threw the bond safe at me.
What let me In wrong this last time
was q snappy little remark got shot
my way right here in the general OF
ices. was Just back from a three
day chase after . delayed shipment
Of bridge sirders and steel wheel
narrows that was billed for France In
q rush. and I'd got myself disliked by
most of the traffic managers pet"eeh
here and Altoona. to say nothing OF
freight conductors. yard bosses and SO
on. But I'd untangled those nine cars
and got 'em movin' toward the North
river, and now I was steamin' through
q lot Of Office detail that had ptieo up
while was gone. "a iuncned neg iu1u war
GUS on An egg sandwich ana . wal
6ousfnut that Vincent had brought
up 10 me from the arcade automat.
aild rd phoned Wee that might NOT
Ia ont home until the 11:15. When IN
blows this potty party with the poison
ivy leaves on his shoulder straps Inc
demands to see Mr.. Ellins ct once.
Tether doin' the sippy salute. -
s'sorry, major" says !. but MI.
Ellins won't Be In until 1890"
'sHahr" says he. like bitin' OF . piece
of glass. "And who are you, Heuten.
antT'
department, SIR" says ].
..Oho, you ars. eh?'' he snorts. AN
other bombprooferl wen. ten NJ:
E1lins I shall be back at l1:1e-if this
sector hasn't been captured In the
meantime" and as he double-quicks
out he near runs down Mr.. Piddle. our
rubber stamp ohicer manager. who
As for me. stands there swallowin'
air bubbles until my rsd-headed dis.
position got below tho boiling point
once more. Then I turns to Piddle.
X.T GEN. hssss aS: didn't {oSS Sont 'ays quit. un
"Just rank fIattery, Piddle." says I.
'The rankest kind. It's his way Of In.
dicatin' that I'm yellow dog hidin'
under a roll-top desk for fear some
Pomeranian will look cross at me.
Excuse me II don't seem to work
mp blush. Fact is. though. I'm get
tin kind Of used to It."
''oh, / say, thought protests Piddle.
"why. every one knows that you"
-Piddle." breaks In. what everybody
really knows Is that while most Of
the young hicks who've been Platts-
burged into uniforms are already
across Periscope pond, helpin' swat
the Hun. I'm still fioatin' around here
with nothing worse than car dust on
my tailor-built khaki. Why, even
them bold 1iberty-bond patriots who
commute on the SOS are tired of
asking me when I'm going to be sent
over to tell Pershing how 1t ought to
crab Of a swivel chair major chuckin.
-bombproofer' in my teeth-wel1. I
guess that'll be about all. Here's
where I get revise or quit. Right
here"
And it was sentiment. like that,
brash. that I passed out to Old
Hickory a little later on. He listens
about as sympathetic as q trAfdc cop
hearin' why you tried to rush the
stop signal.
IT think we have discussed all that
War Department has recognized that,
as the head Of an essential industry,
am entitled to q private secretary:
also that you might prove more useful
with a commission than without one.
And rather think you have. SO
there you are"
Excuse me, Mr. EIlins." says I. ''but
I can't see 1t that way. I don't know
I'm private seccing or getting
ready for a masquerade ball. Any one
legged man could do what I'm doing.
I'm ready to chuck the commission and
enlist"
'Really!" says he. well. in the
first place. my son. a wartime com.
mission is something one doesn't
chuck back at the United States gov
ernment because Of any personal
whim. It isn't being done. And then
again. you tried enlisting once. didn't
you. and were turned DOWN.
But that was early in the game"
says /, when the recruiting officers
weren't passing any but young SAM
dows. could get by now. Have q
heart, Mr.. Ellins. Lemme make try"
He chews his cigar minute. drums
on the mahogany desk and
then seems to have a bright little idea.
very well, Torchy." says he, well
see what my friend. Maj. Wellby. can
do for you when he comes In"
'Him!n says I. why, he'd do any
thing for me that the law didn't stop
him FROM"
And sure enough, when the major
drifts in again them two was shut in
the private ONCE for more'n half an
hour before I'm called In. could
guess just by the way the major
glares round at me that IT, he could
work 1t he'd get me a nice. easy job
mowin' the grass In no mans land or
some snap like that.
"Huhw says he. gfvin' me the night
Y,f n