The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1918-02-10
.u'ryfhi,
Less but
the.Tnx
Finally Misplaced Victim C
Hooverism Finds Just
Cause for S0lace.

servation till Herbert Hoover ntepped
IN range Of the camera and hogg6d
the picture. Now we are the most
conserving people on the outside crust
of the globe.
They have got NE hog-tied and
shackled, and Herbie IL kneeling On
our throbbing chests. feeding NJ COZ.
servation with giants soup ladle.
We cant holier because he never takes
the ladle out.
All very well. We are patriotic. wssll
! gulp and swallow with nary q murmur.
And IL he gives US a breathing spsll
Wen grin like cuff links and sAv.
Garry on. Hoov. old man. you're doing
fine"
No. That isn't the kick. Not by 4
darn sight. Far be II from us stay at
homes to heave filings into the
conservation differential. It's this. Tho
suppliers Of our needs are digging IL
behind Herbie's frock coat tails ana
using him for n fence. s.
! They're accommodating shekels to In.
vest in Budson fluperfixes and grabbing
the gate receipts through hole cut IN
a conservation sign. They've pryed the
''eat hearty notice or the wall ana
written pay more for less food" ~
over the joint.
J That's their conception of "1ooo."
The chopping house owner starts the
week of with bowls OF mulligan and
hash leftover from the Sunday med
when the ante IL 30 high that al 4
MS poor buffers have TO pass our betp
and wait for the jack pot--then IL
next day Is Tuesday. That's meatleoo,
We order meat pie. "Wednesday arrives
as the Waterbury yells "KansraA*
with both hands. That's wheAtlsas.
No bread. We nibble the corners -
black hand-grenades that some expeek
camoflcur has dubbed "war bread "
=. tRlsen come ~ hours ct blises W
hook the family heirlooma and ordIhe
IA butter-chip loaded to tho guards
with plank steak. That's to last undIl
Monday. Well, yes, there u another
day between Thursday and Saturday,
but we can't blame Hoover. The popo
always has claimed meat was the bunk
on Friday
Following suit In the big conservA.
ton stall, the landlord meets VI ct the
door as we stagger home at the end ot
a meatless day and informs us--aftee
reading Il conservation proclamation
ttliI ne HAN auGtu IL ItW VeUO6 III yW0
rent bill war times" he chucklea.
Had to do IL"
But we walt To henr no more. We
cough up the eagles and enter an Ice
bog that was once fairly warm. That
makes us peeved. We below, why
for2" and ask for heat.
Friend landlord wraps himself In Z
chest protector and slSids across the
-. - n ~. - ~.
out water and lays all the blame on
Hoover and the conservation plan.
Rescues Hoover.
We object. We haven't Just dropped
off the Christmas tree and know there
are no heatless days not yet. And tho
old boy shoots a lack johnson" into
our lines and silences our batteries.
'Its Thursday" he informs us. and
Hoover must have overlooked Il. Co.
and he smiles sweetly--he don't know
how close to death he isl Just filled
il il. for him. I've made It q heatleo0
day: thereby conserving enough fuel
to make II hot for the Germans.s
| Well, We go to bed and spend q
sleepless night on blanketless be4
and awake In the morning TO scoWl
darkly into the physog of q H0oyeSiso1
day.
Then the latest great big blow 1Alls
a newspaper Taube drops q 72-pOsnt
bomb right on top of our pet bltghty.
Conservation of clothing makcs ~
debut with "A two-column introduction.
Oh. weeps. Copious signs. Tears
! as big az baseballs. Ghost Of doubles.
clad Faistaff.
They are going to take our nifty
belts away. They are going to rip the
decorative pIeats from our backs and
cut the flaps from our pockets. We
are about TO be dolled up In national
| suits"
! We fall to the seat OF striaghee
backed chair, clutch the horse hair up
hoistering with both emaciated hands
and groan loudly and longly. No neeo
dstinctiveness. Our cherished in4l.
vlduality IL about tn Join the hoop
skirt. The preacher. the burglar. tn
banker. the bean dispenser and stho
candlestick maker shall hop, skip ara
jump along the conserved read OF aAn1g~
ness for the rest OF their lives.
Poor picked on We shall be amOno
them; just an annoticed chunk -
yeast In the big ferment. wearing r
sign on our coat lapela saying. "ThD
| Is me-" 1900, ~ s
Our clothes will look Hike they aEo
painted on US. Wen look like pioGo
OF one might stand scenery. We'll-
| Good Bye. Blues.
! And then. Oh. what JOY il ours. ~
thought flashes through our BRAIN an
! and we smile out loud. Way down g
the bottom of the second column. mel
to the Jim dash. is the cause q 60.
/ glee:
| No more box back coats.
I Which an goes to show that holus
ever black and terrifying ~ n6hq1aes
pillar may be there is alWaVs can&
OF sterling to be found u ~ ~ 49,
enough. 81. ,;ssrf 8