Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-03-26
SYNTAX FOR CYNICS
Grammar of the Feminine
Language
By ANDREW McGILL

TIME feminine language consists Of words 4
i placed one after another with extreme !.
rapidity, with intervals for matinees. The \
purpose of this language is ~ to conceal, and (
(0 to induce thought. Very often, after ths
use OF deal of language, thought VIII !
appear in the speakers mind. This, whie
desirable is by no means necessary. "
THOUGHT cannot be defined but It IL In
stinctively recognized even by those unaccus-
toned to it. VI ssl'
PARTS OF SPEECH: There are nve parts
of feminine speech-noun, pronoun adtsc-
tive, verb and interjection.
THE NOUN is the name of something to
wear, or somebody who furnishes something
TO wear or a place where something is to bs
worn. E. g., hat, husband, opera. Feminine (
nouns are always singular.
THE PRONOUN is NJ
ADJECTIvES: There are only four femi-
nine adjectives-ddordble, cute, s,oeet, horr!4t =
These are all modified on occasion by the
adverb perfectly. 4N t4%
THE VERBS are of two kinds--acti,e and
passive. Active verbs express action; passive
verbs express passion. All feminine verbs are
irregular and Imperative.
INTERJECTIONSN There are two inter
jections-Heavensi and Gracious! The mas
culine language is much richer in intertec,7
tions. s4tsss4sS
DECLENSION: There are three. ways oFl
feminine declining O to say Mo- (2) to ~
Yes and mean No; (3) to say nothing. fff
CONJUGATION: This is what happens ~
a verb in the course of conversation or shopS
ping. verb begins the day quite innocentyt.
as the verb 90 in the phrase to 90 to fosvh
When 1t gets to the city this verb Decomss
look, as. for instance. to look at the sscx
toindoUs. Thereafter its descent Is rapid my
the form purchase or charge. This conJueNs,
tion is often assisted by the auxiliary expret
sion a bargain. About the first of the follow
| ing month the verb reappears in the maseu..
line vocabulary In parallel CT perversee
form, modified by an interjection. s
CONVERSATION in the feminine languaes
consists of language rapidly vibrating O.
| oscllating between two persons. The on3ecs ~
| of any conversation is always accusausss'
| G. g., "Mrs Edtoards has no taste IN hdis.
| Most conversations consist or an ihosts'-
| inmate number OF sentences. but sometms1
| 1t Is difficult to tell where one sentence cnu.
| and the next begins. 1t is even Iossible ior
| two sentences to overlap When this occu's
the conversation Is known as dialogue =
| sentence may be Of any length. ana Is co.- ,.
cluded only by the physiological necea'ns'
| Of taking breath.
as group of words uttered in sequence, put "
| without logical connection, to express 81
| opinion or an emotion. NUMBER OK ~ S
tences II emitted without interruption gs
comes conversation. A conversation ~
| longed over an hour 'or more becomes ~
| sip. A gossip. when shared py sev~s n
| persons. is known as a secret. A secIst rs
| anything known by a large and cohs'an''<
increasing number Of persons.
| LETTERS: The feminine language VIZ ss
committed to paper. with a stub pen w ~.
back-handed chrography, is known as w
ter. A letter should II possible, be writer
| on rose or lemon colored paper OF roSs
| and hannely texture. with scallopeu ~ sss ~
| and Initials embossed In gilt. IT shouIp X
written with great rapidity containins ~,
less than ten exclamation points per page ~ ~
three underlined adjectives per parsslsptt, 49,
/ The verb may be reserved until the p'<
i script. NJ
Generally speaking. students OF tne le',s
nine language are agreed that rules OF hlS ihis..s
| mar and syntax are subject 10 in.',. =,
caprice and whim. and II IL very dncu,I ~
lay down fixed canons. The extreme ray'oeisss ~
/ with which the language Is used nna -
charm and perscnai magnetism OF ns w.
have Disconnected even the most careiua ~ ~
scientific observers A glossary OF tecnn~. n.,s :.
terms and idioms In the feminine ,ankS
would ba q work ofrRreat value 10 the Nrxx
husband world. hut u - doubtful Il any ~
volume win ever be published.