davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
THE GARFIELDS- By Frank Willis Barnett

Tn my studies about the Garfield fam fly, l found out a strange fact about them, and that was that the President. his wife, and the son who is "now troubling the business world" were all classicists.
 Now. am not going to revive, but if I unavoidably do so, I am not going to think that am capable of settling the age-long controversy in regard to the advisability of teaching Greek and Latin In our schools and colleges.
 It's not even my purpose to attempt to show that England has reared a great body of professional and governing men in all walks of life by having literally crammed them with Greek and Latin, and that not to be familiar with the classics was to put a man in the church among the ruling classes.
 Gladstone is a good example of the English statesman who was saturated with the history of the Greeks and the Romans. and who prided himself on be- ing an authority in the dead languages, and more particularly that of Creek It public life as handicap to be able to read or quote freely from the literatures of Greece and Rome.
 A member of Parliament can get up in the sessions and freely make use of the classical languages in the original with out being thought queer or regarded as posing. but very few members of Con- gress have ever taken such liberties with the House, and if they did so they silent ly hoped that it would not bet back to their constituencies.
 Now, l do not mean that there is no place in our American public life for the scholar. for merely to use the two first names which come to my mind, we have in the south John Sharp Williams. and in the north Henry Cabot Lodge. There are others, but the scholar in politics is not as familiar a figure in our Congress as he ss in the English Parliament.
 Our boast and glory Is that many of our public men have fought their way up through poverty and obscurity, and are seif-eddcateG, rather than the products of the schools It is true that the story of Lincoln with not even a "five-foot shelf of books,' but with 2 handful of them. and a lightwood torch, blazing his way into the White House and making for himself an imperishable name as the incarnation of the American spirit. will forever be an inspiration to the youth of our land.
 But it's time to get back to the Gar fields and Creek and Latin. I practiced law long enough to know that it was necessary to connect the evidence, oT it would be thrown out as irrelevant. and then l have preached long enough to know that man should not stray too far from his text, and so come back to the humble American family which made for itself conspicuous place in our
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
NED BRACE TALKS ABOgT CONSERVATION ;: AND HOW BIRMINGHAM HAS DONE ITS PART

boys need the stuff to fight with. They need the guns, the food, the clothes, the ammunition and the fuel to keep them warm in the trenches, the camps, and the hospitals. Unless our ships have coal to steam across these boys are at the mercy of Boches.
 # # #
 Here in Birmingham we must realize 1 our duty and keep stiff upper lins In- stead of sending telegrams of protest to Washington we should use the tolls paid for them in a more telling way. Does anyone suppose President Wilson or Mr. Garfield issued the closing order without reason--and urgent reason? And yet the dollar markers, the deserters, and the t-give-a-dammer for patriotism load them down With thousands of telegrams of protest, annoying and harrassing them.
 But l must commend Birmingham for taking it's medicine with fewer wry faces than almost any other city in the country. I have only heard of one mer- chant who says he Is going to burn his big stove and keep open, regardless of any government order. If he burns that stove Monday, I know very good look ing young gentleman who has an office in 8 certain building on Twentieth street who will see that he has quite a rest from business cares and the an- noyance of heaping coal into that big stove.
 # * #
 But this is the exception. Men in this own are hauling coal to their needy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
Z F Mail Trucks and Condition of Roads

T IMPROVED highways. which were in A excellent condition year or two ago are now badly out of repair be- cause of the short-sighted policy ob- taining in most counties that made no provision for maintenance. In Ala bama the uncommonly severe winter will make it necessary that extra ordinary attention be given to road repairing in the spring. In the mean while, the motor truck mail route from Birmingham to Montgomery, to be established February l, will be watched in its experimental stage with much interest
 In many sections of the country mail is now carried on short distance routes by trucks, but in most cases the travel is over first-class roads. The truck, of course, relieves railroad
 
 congestion, and, while it does not make as high speed as local trains, there is no reason why twenty-mile schedule on a highway of concrete construction should not be main tained.
 Valuable papers were read at the recent convention of the American, Association for the Advancement of Science, the majority of these discus sions dealing with paving and high way matters generally. Two of the pa perS laid special emphasis upon the uecessity of providing for a vast de- Nelopment of motor truck hauling, while several others made reference to the same matter. After referring ko the use of motor trucks this year boing limited only by the ability of 1lnrufacturers to produce them, the lnnieipal Journal urges the "necessi-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
LUKE M,LUKE SAYS

Daughter is almost certain to start in and henpeck father when she grows up. But father is used to 1t by that time and doesn't mind it.
 Never judge by appearances. Just be- cause the young man who is on his way home at midnight has bright red nose is no slgn that he is rummy. Maybe he is courting a girl who has a hand painted complexion.
 Father wouldn't know where to find his sons lesson for tomorrow in a school book. But mother knows. .She hunts for the first clean page in the book
 No wonder mothers love boys. A boy will eat anything and enjoy it and beg Tor more, while q girl is finding fault with the grub.
 A man is in trance during his court ship and doesn't come out of it until the honeymoon ends. That is the reason Why his wife can convince him that he Proposed to her. He doesn't remem- per anything about what happened and can't deny it.
 When man has sense enough to keep ms mouth shut he prospers so that other people are certain to talk about his dumb luck.
 The man who said that all women are alike would starYe to death in the cor set business Women come in many models. and you can take your choice, There is the long-waisted model and the short-walsted model and the big hipped, small-hipped model, etc. And no matter small-hipped model. etc. And no matter now woman is built she Is never built alter the model she would have selected hac she been given her choice.
 woman would rather have noisy husband than a quiet one. The less a man says the more guessing she has to do.
 You can start a little girl to school on Mcnday in a new dress and start d ilttle boy to school on Monday in new suit. And by Saturday the little eiri Will look like the daughter of millionaire and the little boy will look like the son of rag picker
 woman can afford to waste lot of words in a conversation because she has piei'ty more where they came from
 henpecked man may not have the klnd or woman who makes him a good Wie' but he has the kind of woman Who mares him a good husband
 A doctor may make some errors in dlagaos!ng ease. But he never tells Ns'.S' " slA cultuFeu tudI Sfle should take more exercise.
 Even when girl narries the man she loves she doesn't always love the man she marres.
 This advice is for men only: Never go out with the kind of a woman you would be ashamed to bring home with you.
 Eat women and monkeys never get a sqrare deal in this world, No matter how badly they feel they always look funny and get laughs instead of sym pathy.
 A woman may not let her husband snow what she thinks of her female friends. But she never fails to let her 'ea,alc friends know what ske thinks ,f her husband
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
KNITs oN sNnAY NOW

From the Kansas Clts ssaE.
 One of the best Christian grandmoth- CTS in the world, living in Coffeyville, Kan, has been knitting for the soldiers ever since the war began. every day except Sundays, so D. T. O. informs this department. Sunday or two ago, how ever, friend dropped in and found her knitting as usual Why, grandma. how is it you are knitting on Sunday" in- quired the visitor. well" grandma re- piled: T have made up my mind that hell will be so full of Germans there won't be any room for me- anyway, so am going to put in the full week for our dear boys"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
Large Crops and
 the Labor Problem

| SECRETARY OF THE TREAS lg JURY w. c. M'ADOO, in re- |cent statement, tells the farmers that
 larger crops, especially food crops, will be needed this year than ever before. Every progressive farmer in the south has planned to increase his acreage.
 Bumper crops were produced in 1917 and Alabama's prosperity today is due in great measure to the large harvests and the high prices which the farmers received for their prod ucts. With still further increase in production the labor poblem will be- come more acute, but with more liberal farm wage the negroes who did not join in the exodus to industrial centers year ago will remain at home, and many of those who were lured by the wages paid in the north and the promise of better living con- ditions will return to the south.
 Boys too young for military service can do practically mans work on the farm, and every youth with any grit in him should be glad to re-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
THE OLD HABIT

From the Boston Transcript
 The recruit at bayonet practice had just given the dummy a vicious jab, when the drill sergeant noticed that he was grimacing in 3 rather unusual manner.
 Number Fouri" cried the sergeant, whats the idea of all that mugging?"
 Why" said the recruit, a former movie actor, you want me to register hate or fury or something don't you2"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
NOTHING TO US

From the Arkansas Gazette.
 The discovery of two new islands is reported by vilhjalmur Stefansson in a. message from the frozen north. But can the frozen United States show any interest just now in islands in the frozen north?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

uoupiS HIS SllOItS III COHtIluuClug to man power in the fields.
 Let the farmer go on with his big crops. The labor problem will be solved in one way or another. There will be no danger of food rotting on the ground or cotton going unpicked. 4 < < President Wilson probably has more power in America just now than the Kaiser has in Germany. However, there is this difference: President Wilson is the peoples representative, while the Kaiser is spokesman for the firm of Me und Gott."
 ;s # $;
 A Birmingham man who was shot about nine months ago by his wife. dropped in to see her Saturday night and got shot again. There are times when it is safer to make arrangements for visiting one's wife over tho tele- phone.
 The Florida Times Union Is getting tired of seeing so many salutes ex- changed on Jacksonville's streets Why should the Times Union worry? Most of those soldiers are doubtless on leave and have plenty of time to salute.
 ;' # H
 German newspapers continue to sheer at the American army. quite forget ting, it would appear. the Kaiser's famous remark about the British army which he wishes he had never made.
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 J. Ham Lewis has inside information that the pope and the Kaiser will offer new peace proposals. J. Ham talks as if he had private wires running direct to Potsdam and the Vatican.
 # # #
 A contemporary suggets "A remedy for the blues" which reminds us that local detectives confiscated SIS quarts of fine whisky at the Terminal station the other day. Tyrus Cobb's children are given as the reasons why he plays baseball. That makes hit with the "sob squad" of course. but Tyrus Is not averse to a little fame.
 George Creels official Bulletin" is | made up like real newspaper, but it seems rather dull without a sporting page and movie department.
 # < #
 For obvious reasons. Lloyd George | and President Wilson didn't lay their heads together before stating peace | terms to Germany.
 ;. # *
 It is rumored that a ton of coal 1 hands in poker game the | other night. Evidently one of those mo l limit games.
 
 Restaurateurs annouce shortage of | mince pie in Birmingham Would it do | any good to mention the matter to MT. 
 # + #
 There wasn't any worth while ex- cuse fro starting the war. but 1t isn't going to be stopped that way
 ;: * # Madam Caillaux probably consulted | her modiste before rushing to the de- fense ofsMonsieur Joseph.
 ,s !. x
 You may not believe 1t, but even now the poets are tuning their Tyres 10 welcome spring.
 < # < Hush, little factory, don't you cry. i You'll be running by and by.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
IN OLD KENTUCKY

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 The humorist laureate of the snow tragedy is Louisville negro. A street car packed to the platform rails with shivering pilgrims yesterday plowed by darky and his mule marooned in a snowdrift. Good Lawd," was his ex- clamation. "Is de races gwine on yit?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
EASY TO GET AWAY

From the Memphis Commercial-Appeal.
 The German spy pilot who ran the Spokane on the rocks off the coast of British Columbia, disappeared" Sure; that's what all the German spies do; and we let 'em by.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
MORE AID FOR KAISER

From the Buffalo Enquirer.
 German propaganda can afford to take q rest It's work has been taken up by the statesmen and newspapers that are trying to show everything done by the government is wrong.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
TEUToN LOGIC

From the Rochester Democrat and
 Chronicle.
 Berlin newspapers are now blaming President Wilson for the postponement of peace. By the same process of req soning a murderer might argue that if his victim had had the sense to die natural death there would have been no murder
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
THE SOLITARY REAPER

 By William Wordsworth. Behold her. single in the field, Ton solitary Highland Lasss Keeping or singing by herself; Stop here, or gently passi Alone she cuts and binds the grain And sings melancholy strain; o listene. for the vale profound Is overflowing with the sound. No nightingale did ever chaunt More welcome notes to weary bands Of travellers in some shady haunt, Among Arabian sands; A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard In springtime from the cuckoo bird. Breaking the silence of the seas Among the farthest Hebrides Will no one tell me what she sings?- Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow From old. unhappy. far-off things, And battles long ago: Or is 1t some more humble lay. Familiar matter of today? Some natural sorrow. loss or pain, That has been, or may be again? Whate'er the theme. the maiden sang As If her song could have no ending; saw her singins<at her work, And oser the sickle bending $ listened, motionless and still; And, as II mounted up the hill. The music in my heart hore Long after 1t was heard no more.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
PROPER FOLK
From the Providence Journal.

From the Providence Journal.
 Secretary Daniels recommends com- mander Christian Peoples for promo ton to the rank of rear admiral. In this war for the spiritual future of the race a man with a name like that belongs at the front.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
A GENEROUS DEED

From the Colbert County Reporter. A thoughtful and generous thing in Gully Exum in giving away car of
 coal to needy Birmingham citizens. His
 action brought other offers of help
 from rich men who only had to have some sensible man lead the way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
HENCE ITS PURITY

From the Louisville Courier-Journa1.
 To judge from the poets imagery in the frost from purest snow, which hangs from Eiana's temple" the temple Of Diana wasn't situated in soft coal town
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
DISCIPLINE Is DISCIPLINE
om the Florida Times-Union.

IFohI tHe FIorida TImes-Union.
 Doesn't so much saluting on the streets look bit foolish? Ceremony in camp promotes discipline but when privates and officers are constantly passing each other on the streets they might wear something on their sleeves to show respect for each other instead of cutting monkey shines.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
OLD STUFF

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
 The Germans are returning to the charge that hospital ships are being "misused" by the allies. This is the familiar preface to deeds of fightful- ness.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
OPENING IN pETRoGRAD

From the Chicago Tribune.
 There is a grand young opening in Pe- trograd for the old-fashioned editor who used to lead off with a column and a half on "Whither Are We Drifting?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
AJANE EYRE, TABOO

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
 A scenario writer has discovered that Jane Eyre" is not moral enough for the movies. This is a harsh Judgment on book over which our grandmothers thrilled and wept.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
OF ONE MIND !

From the Wall Street Journal
 In western insane asylum there is a patient who thinks himself the Kaiser, and in Berlin there is one who knows he is-and they are of one mind
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
AIDE OUTCLAssED

From the Macon News.
 If George Ade Isn't the greatest Amer ican humorist in America, who is?' asks an advertisement. Why, the man who can laugh at the coal shortage
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
WORTH SHOWING.
l,e,d1,aea

Though Daphne knits for soldiers
 Who fight in foreign lands, The fair coquette does not forget
 She has two lovely hands. And many do admire them
 With i1i-concealed deiight, While Daphne fits about and knits At morning, noon and night
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

BEGINNING THE DAY--Lord, help me to be truly sorry for my sins. Show me how ugly they nre and how uncIean; how utterly ta be hated and despised. Show me Thysef in contrast. 0 sicIkcn me and then make me we'll again with the vision of Thy Ioveliness. In Christ's name. Amen.-H. M. l..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
TELL TT TO BRYAN

From the Washington Star
 The addresses issued by President wil- son on behalf of the United States gov ernment make ordinary speechmakins seem pallid by comparison
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
--T-'---- o>------ --r-------
 AN ACCOMPLISHED FACT

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
 Kaiser Would Use sweden. says a newspaper headline. Would? Hasi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
AN EXCEPTION.

AN EXCEPTION. There's folks you meet upon the way That greet you and forget; There's folks you like jes' for the day And leave with no regret There's friends who though you're far away
 Are friends beyond a doubt, An the folks that make the world worth while Are the folks you think about.
 Washington Star. Sometimes 1t works out just the way This sunny poet says With those we meet from day to day Who're worth our need of praise. But not all those we think about Make us forget life's woes For instance, there's the lazy lout who won't pay what he owes,
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

Take heed be wary how yen place your words. Henry VI.
 s S
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES
A REAL OPTIMIsT.

A REAL OPTIMIST. The high cost of living
 Is hard to combat, If you dwell in a mansion Or a two-by-four flat. But the cheeriest fellow I've met in sometime Confessed in a whisper
 He had but dime. Yet, rising supreme o'er Life's turmoil and woe. Asked me if I knew of
 A good "fillum" show For he was quite willing To spend his last cent Observing the movies
 In blissful content.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
THE PRESENT COUNTS.

why, her family came over in the steerage only a few years ago.
 "But, my dear, why dwell on the pain. full past? Everybody knows that if they want to go back now they have money enough to charter whole ship'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

TELEPHONE Hell tpriyate exchange connecting nlI departmental Mnin 490O.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
HAD A TITLE.

HAD A TITLE.
 'Do you care much for imported cheeses?"
 T used to, but was turned against them"
 How did that happen?
 "A wealthy young woman of my ac- quaintance married one"
 A FIXED HABIT.
 "Mr. Gribbling is an old-fashioned gen. tleman"
 "so he is, and believes in old-fash- toned remedies, too.'
 "Yes?'
 'why, MT. Gribbling wouldn't feel that he was fully dressed for cold weather un- less he had plaster on his back"
 PROBABLE REASON. Here's writer who says the privilege of voting will make women take new interest in their homes"
 T don't see how that's going to work out" Perhaps he means that being in po- sition to have political arguments with friend husband on something like an equal footing will make home more i'm tcresting to them than it has ever been before"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
IT COULD BE DONE.

"cecile is corresponding with six sol diers."
 That must keep her busy"
 NO, she seems to have plenty of time to knit sweaters. No two of the soldiers are stationed at the same place. I sus- pect Cecile sends them a form letter."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20
BROUGHT HOME TO HIM.

BROUGHT HOME TO HIM. You seem proud of your church.' And justly so," replied Deacon Fris- ber We have the handsomest edifice in this part of the state"
 How would you feel if German shell weer to lay 1t in rulns?"
 By love, I hadn't thought of that. I'm going right straight to my bank and buy another liberty bond"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

Ez HE effort to get the Birmingham
 merchants and manufacturers to = kick against the governments or
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-20

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second -class matter un- der act of Congress, March 8, 1879.