Evening star., 1918-04-03
THE OTHER. ANGLE
Dependency
BY KIRK MILLER.

/ Way back in 1f?6 we Americans cha
grined old King George by declaring
ourselves independent-that was in '76.
But here IN 1918 everybody has got
ten all inoculated up with dependen-
cy. The first symptoms were noticed
shortly after June and the epidemic
Is now very chronic on the right side
OF the Atlantic.
Some who haven't any bonafide cause
for dependency have Lohengrined up
to the halter, or otherwise surrounded
themselves with impedimenta to make
them stutter when they tapped before
the local board.
Any bird who thinks he can trick a
the war has simply been eating too
much aspirin. Those local board have
nothing to do with flooring, but you
might as well try to argue with an
alarm clock. Neither ever lost a de-
bate.
They can lnwind your past and put
it together again in less time than
they unraveled it and have enough
pieces left over to guarantee you a
nice. bright future right up behind the
barrage.
Dependency and dandruff are very
stylish for baritones between twenty
one and thirty-one. but whether you
have dependents or not dcpcnds--on
the query board. Nobody is entirely in
dependent these days but the draft
future so unanimously that even your
tailor won't recognize it.
One of our favorita dependency
choruses is that of being married. The
nominee for the trenches smirks up
to the queer board and gnrgles that
he's got wife dependent on him for
biscuits.
If it weren't for him. sweetie wouldn't
have any chamois gloves to wash twice
every week, she wouldn't have to wait
for supper more than three hours each
evening and she wouldn't have to sew any
buttons on any socks nor shine up any
last years straw hats.
Wifey dear is positivelutely depend
ent on friend husband to see that he
doesn't get off to work without his
necktie On. to remind him that cold
weather has come and he must unmoth
his red hannels and II it weren't for
him tootsy wootsy wouldn't have to
rivet any buttons into any open-front
shirts, to press any hammer -clawed
froclss nor keep vaseline on any patent
leather shoes.
Also If John Husband didn't have
Susie Wife absotively dependent on
him she wouldn't have to do the Sun
day marketing with two-dollar note
that used to buy, enough for a week.
and she wouldn't have to make two
pans of biscuits grow where only one
sprouted before.
Then, too, Sister Sally is dependent
on her fewer half to keep the dandrun
of his coat collar and have the Ice
pack ready when his lodge brothers
pour him In the door at am.
Oh, yes. this having a wife dependent
on you for a life1esshood is fine chat
ter but it's hard to figure out where
the poor dear gets any percentage. She
saves him from the trenches and he
saves her from her beauty sleeps each
morning.
Besides being dependent for all Of the
above favors, the tinid sex only has
| to pick his slightly used cigarettes off
the floor, gather up last months news
papers from beneath the Morris chair
and keep him in pipe cleaners, matches
clean linen and good humor.
When she is through with that she
isn't dependent on him for a thing in
the world except to remind him when
he needs a hair cut and when his shoes
, need a new set of heels. That done, all
that remains to make her day complete
is to see that he gets to bed between
two sheets and not between the mat
ress and springs.
Yet. they egg US on!