The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1918-04-09
OOROTMY DIX TALKS
By DOROTHY DIX
Worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer.
Respect vs.. Sentiment.

Respect VS.. Sentiment
! have a letter from a woman who
writes:
Il am % years old. A man 1 have
known for long time has asked me
to marry him. 1 admire him and re-
spect him, and find him congenial and
interesting as a companion, but am
not in love with him in the sentiment
tai acceptance of the term. Do you
consider respect a safe basis to marry
upon?'
do believe that it is. 1 believe that
the sane and safe marriage that is
founded upon respect has hundred
times the chances of happiness that
one has that is based upon mere TO
nance.
1t is the difference between arriving
at the most important decision that
one is ever called upon to make in life
by using ones brains instead of being
guided by ones emotions. 1t is the
difference between satisfying ones
real needs for life, and gratifying a
passing fancy.
Moreover, that respect and suit
ability form a satisfactory basis upon
which to contract marriage is proven
by the fact that in the countries in
which matrimony is based on this
platform there is a very low percent
age of divorce. 1t is America, where
marriages are based solely on senti-
ment. that holds the divorce record.
If marriage were only for the brief
span of ones youth, for a holiday
jaunt, one might insist upon its being
decked out in the pink chiffons of
romance. But marriage is not for a
day, but for the long pull of the years
and for that one needs in ones yoke
mate some more substantial quality
than sentiment. One needs faith.
loyalty and strength, the things that
command ones respect, the qualities
| that still wear when romance has
been torn to tatters. ~.-t
1t is pity that we get all of our
teaching about love from poets and
novelists. who are poor and untrust-
worthy guides for practical folk They
have exalted in roma nee, and made US
believe that if we missed it we missed
| the very flower and bloom of life.
They have taught us that love was a
thing of thrills and palpitations, and
| hectic fevers, and that as long as we
maintain a normal pulse and tempera-
| ture we were immune from the tender
| passions.
Why people who are ordinarily in
| teIligent should ever have fallen for
this sentimental bunk, nobody knows
| But they have. Otherwise rational
| men and women carefully search their
| systems for signs that they have fall
| len in love with some particular wo-
man or man, and when they find OUT
| that their hearts do not turn Tip HOP
| in their bosoms at the SOUND OF the
| familiar footsteps, and that their tenn
[ perature does not rise to one hundred
and ten at the sight of the One Par
| ticular One, and that they still behoio
him or her as human being instead
| of an angel, or a matinee nero, why
| they decide that they are not IN love
| And they are afraid to marry the
men or women they admire, respect
and enjoy, the ones who would make
them the most admirable life part
ners. Tni:; absurd fetish of romantic
love makes thousands of men and
women lonely old bachelors and SPIN
sters. They are SO welded to their
/ false god of romance that they dare
not brea.; away and exercise little
| common sense.
| They are not emotional people No
! body on earth could give them a
real thrill They are too clear sighted
not to see women and men as they
really are without any haloes on, yet
they keep waiting for the miracle to
| happen ard for some impossible per-
son to come along who will cause
them to palpitate AND behold visions.
The miracle never happens. Moth
ing sweeps them off of their sturdy
feet. They never fall in love accord
/ ing to the three volume novel stand
ard and they never marry because
they never realize that they are ex-
pecting the impossible of themselves.
| Romeo, or every woman to be a
Juliet than it is in them to be a
| Caruso or a Sarah Bernhardt. They
| are simply not built that way, but It
| doesn't keep them from making the
most satisfactory husbands and wives.
| Those who insist on romantic love
as the only basis for marriage ignore
/ the fact that it is the shortest lived
of all things on earth, and the one
thing that marriage is inevitably
| bound to slay. The very essence of
romance is mystery: something vague
and Intangible about which one spec
ulates and dreams; something that
one only approaches in ones moods
of exaitation.
Il The minute you domesticate ro-
nance il fades away like a drew drop
in the sun. No man can be romantic
about the woman he faces three times
whom nc sees in negligees of dress
and temper. No woman can be ro-
:. martic about a husband whom she
bcao16s unshaven and asleep with his
mouth open. and with whom she
soua bI,ies about the bills and street
car fare.
1t does not take long for romance
to fade. for the attraction of the
senses to pail. for passion to burn
couple can meet on the mutual ground
of respect and admiration for each
| others sterling qualities, their house
, Of happiness is built on the quick
i sands
In its last analysis the success oi
/. every marriage depends upon friend
ship. That is the real. satisfying
heart warming sentiment thai one car
live by and die by: that grows closer
f,r1 hi, l.