The Glasgow courier. [volume] (Glasgow, Mont.) 1913-current, 1918-11-15
THE KAISER'S DESPAIR.
Realizing that the End Is Near. He
Makes His Will Revolving all Pre-
vious Wills, of Which This Is
Gil IL ~ H.. &c.

vious Wills, of Which This Is
Said to Be a True Copy.
IN THE NAME OF GOTT, AMEN
l take the name of Colt again in
vain. l have violated every rule Of
Colt, but the people must be fooled.
l, Wilhelm, the greatest Murderer the
world has w known; fearing that
all my low, undetermined and vile
schemes will not protect me nov that
the Yanks are on the job, and feel
ing that they r going to make this
world an unsafe place for me, l make
and declare this to be my last Will
and Testament:
First-My wish and desire now that
the Bolsheviki is getting it in the
neckski, is to will Russia to my silly
sons, so they a get cannon fodder
there for future wars, but l fear Pres
ident Wilson will rescind this clause,
and give Russia to her people. l hate
this, because l hate democracy.
Second-I give and bequeath to
France all of her land and Alsace and
Lorraine, not that I love France so
much, but l cannot stand the million
voices of her seventy-fives, that have
walked me in my sleep, and bother me
by day. They have spoken so loud,
and often, that l must heed their cry.
I do not like to do this, but l cannot
resist the temptation to return stol-
en- property.
Third give and bequeath to Bel
GUM her land and ruined homes. 1t
is my wish, however, that l be made
to pay for all the damage done; for l
had to satisfy my fiendish soldiers
who destroyed; because they were or
dered to do SO. l trust the good AL
lies who l have hated so much, will
not make me pay for the destruction,
for l love to be cruel, but hate to pay
for it.
FOURTH give and bequeath ia
Italy, peace and quiet of her domains.
for her gallant soldiers did not treat
my brave and kind men tenderly, and
as l do not want my refined Huns and
their Austrian brothers contaminat.
ed by Italy's brave men, l generous
ly give up all claim to her territory.
Fifth-To Great Britain l leave thu
air and sea; as my attempts to con
troll both were so hard and trying OF
my brave men, that l have decided out
of the bigness of my heart to let hel
have her gallant navy, her airplane!
and seq coast unmolested by my will
Sixth-To America and the Yank.
l will and direct that they have FREE
passage home, the sooner the bette,
for the "Dear Fatherland"; for of al
the nations that have destroyed tn
peace and quiet of my old age, tn
Yanks have done more than thei
share. My love for them is so great
and they have been so kind in thei
dealings with my Prussian Guards
and other cracked regiments, l will
that they all be bought a free tickle
home at once.
SEVENTH give to my good, kin
friend Satan, who stood by me in al
the four years Of warfare, and guild
ed my every move, the famous Hin
denburg line; if still the possesso
of the same at the time of my death
as my brave men driven by their brav
officers report to me that since tn
Tommies, Canadians, Australian
French, Belgians and Yanks hav
started to explore Von's possession
it would make a good addition to hel
Eighth l will that my body b
buried in ten thousand fathoms of wa
ter. Not that l love the watery gray
given so many innocent women an
children by my venomous submarine
but 50 that the world will not be adj
to find my body and heap millions {
curses upon it until the end of tt
Universe.