South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1918-03-03
REVELATIONS OFA WIFE
BY Adele Garrison

OF the annoyance. 1 felt that full
grown man could either be, or pre-
tend 20 be, so dense.
IT have a faint idea, Dicky. that
your income would warrant the
strain Of an occasional porterhouse
and the elimination Of cOrned beef
from the menu unless you particu-
larry wanted it, / said ironically.
But why don't you give me some
idea of what your in come is? Then
4 could tell you what my budget
would be-"
knew that was irritating
Dicky with this reiterating. but if
/ were 10 run my housekeeping Jp-
on an allowance basis at all,
knew no other way than the one
L had outlined / have misgivInss
also about my own ability 10 keep
within a budget. especially with
Katie in the kitchen. She was j., a
good cook. and a competent maid.
out 1 had observed little things
that made me suspect she was both
lavish in her use of things. and
wasteful as TO the remnants of food
left uneaten. The promise OF econO-
my in her regime, which / had
Rugged 20 my heart, when she had
accompanied me to market had not
been fulfilled.
Dicky voiced my thought. You'll
have a sweet time keeping within
a budget with our Polish friend in
the kitchen. Katie and a budget
would be a scream. Vot you mean,
-
Me feex nice dinner, no bodder dot
budg-it."
His imitation OF Kate's probable
bewilderment was so life-like that
L lay back in my chair cOnvulsed
with laughter. But l did not lose
sight Of fact that 1 must finish this
discussion with Dicky while he was
in the, mood for it. So l came back
again to my original proposition.
This time / tried cOaxins.
"Dicky boy, please listen. I am
awfu1y in earnest about this. and
don't want to bother you again
about it, But won't you tell me
what your income it, and then 1 can
have something 10 work upon"
"Madge, your talents are wasted
around here. AS "a collector for an
instalment house or an investigator
of the income tax you ought TO be
worgth your weight IN gold. But
you can't drag my secrets from me
for there are none to drag. some
times my income is zero for a week
or two
He paused dramatically. and
looked at me closely, evidently eX-
pecting that 1 would show signs of
dismay. But / knew him well
enough TO wait clamly for the resS
of his words.
And sometimes I have had
checks amounting TO a thousand
good iron men between the LIST and
31st."
1t was my turn to look bewilder-
ed. "A thousand iron mem" i in
quired doubtfully.
Il beg a thousand pardons. A.
will explain. one iron man is one
dollar. one thousand times a dol
lar. or one $1,000. Do I 90 10 the
head of the class ?"
You do, 1 replied. IF 1 un-
derstand you correctly, sometimes
your income is $1,000 month,
sometimes nothing at all"
"Oh. wise young wife; OH! excel
lent young woman" parOdied
Dicky. You are correct in your un-
Outstanding. Now do you see why
can't tell you how much my
weekly income is"
81 don't see at ALL 1 persisted.
You certainly do not spend the
whole $1,000 in the month YOU re-
ceive IT,"
"Oh, of course. I have a checking
account" interrupted Dicky. i
bank my checks as fast as 1 get
them"
Well 1 went on triumphantly
then YOU must know what your
yearly income IL. If 1 knew that
can estimate the years budget and
thus far hand out about what the
expense Of each week or month
ought TO be-"
MY yearly income, madam, -
Dicl1y spraus 10 his feet and strut
ted across the room pOmpously. lis
known only to the income tax man.
By the time z had it dgured out TOR
him / was attacked with amnesia,
and 1 haven't remembered any
thing pertaining 10 money since"
do be serious. Dicky. Don't
tease me So"
Dicky came back to his seat evil
IDENTITY Subdued
Il don't mean to tease YOU, sweet
heart" ne said. but its such a bore
20 me 10 bother about money. Earn
ing il and spending it, those are
the only things / know about IL.
Four years ago my yearly income
was so small I'd hate to name the
figures: just enough 20 scrape along
on. Then things took "A turn and
they have been getting better ever
since. Last year / penned down
about $4,000. 1 suppose. and this
year looks as good OF better
why Dicky." 1 gasped. i new
err dreamed YOU were so prosperous.
You must have a lot Of money saw
cd up or invested"
saved Invested" Dicky gave
a short laugh. shows you don't
know much about yours truly. I al
ways keep enough ahead at the
bank so ] won't run short. I guess
my balance is about a thousand.