Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-05-02
THE OTHER ANGLE
War on Smoke.
nv KIRK MILLER.

While eleven-ninths Of the world has
declared war on the imperial cootie ct
the western front. potato bugs ana
street car straps, Washington is about
to declare hostilities on. smekestacks
and put smoke in the class with alien
enemies.
We don't want SO much smoke 1oiter-
ing in the local acoustics. and the COM
missioners and Congress are eennIving
to declare a barred zone around the
city for all bituminous and anthracite
fumes which have not taken out their
second naturalization papers. Anyway,
Pittsburgh has a copyright on all
smoke, and the seventeen years. patent
will not be exhausted for about twenty
years yet.
With so much smoke getting mixed
up with our elbows 1t is very difficult
vents US getting the full benefit Of the
assistant hour of daylight which was
officially awarded to America at the
recent Capitol Hill exposition. at which
Washington was also given first prize
for having the only sheep which ever
nibbled at White House lawn.
In its attempt to defeat the hour Of
daylight the smoke starts unravelina
from the domestic chimneys and other
incendiaries about sun-up. and gradu-
ally lays down a barrage of perfumery
which completely DISCUSSES Washing
ton as London on fosgy night.
semble London. having no desire to be-
| come a center for air raids or other
forms OF German amusement. and we
don't want any smoke cutting out our
~ L.. NJ
ton Monument or the cellar of that
Caproni airplane.
! With one Of the best parking sys-
tens decorating any pro-American eta
del. why should we have a lot of second l.
| hand smoke parking itself Immediately
north of our ears and settling on our
last years Panamas? You know 1t!
Besides. with the air all coagulated
up with smoke and things. wrist
watches will have to be worn a little
further up our arms toward our eyes
| than formerly. 1t seems that we al
| ready have smoke law. but it doesn't
cover the wholesale trade.
! Thick. dense battalions of smoke
emitting from cigarette. holders and
! fireless cookers were never contem-
plated when they Matched the present
smoke statutes. and now that the
smoke 70 on wartime rations. all the
complete set Of non-skid chains or be
interned during the vitality Of the war
| At that. smoke 10 q tough thing to
control. When a bevy of smoke make
up its mind to bust loose on the atmos-
pheFie eMphitheateY all the asbeste
curtains In the works wouldn't proteet
the local scenery from tina smudRe
even II all signs Of frost are out Of the
nearby terrain.
You can't argue with smoke any mops
than you can debate with an alarm
clock. and q Big Ben has eyes, but ne
ears. Il can speak. but its hearing Il
so fractured that 1t 10 exempt from thu
draft on account OF deafness. We know
a lot Of people who are Just like an
alarm clock. They can rattle away ali
day with the same brand of chin gym,
lnastics, but they can never hear YOU
when you ask 'em to put on new
record. Easily!
It's hard to predict how this smoke
propaganda is going to pan out. TO,
tits very difficult assignment to re-.
strict smoke SO long as people will In.
sist In burning old shoes and love let.
tiers. They've been trying to put q
lstopper in Mount .Vesuvius for the lasi
Isix centuries. but she keeps on spool
ing like = whale at 2 U-boat party.
Nope. we don't want any smoks
screen around Washington, for we're
not expecting to be attacked by an,
underground ukuleles. and when vi
do want to camounage ourselves q,
L. floating volcano we'll advertise fel
letes md suhHit the ehess to epsa can,
EiShf as.xsus .w-t.i s,I,s,au-l.,..