The Press., 1918-01-24
THE BACHELORS
 CLUB
There Was a Penalty For
 Marriage
By RICHARD MARKLEY

n@-+F--F-F-.s-F
 The Bachelors club was an associa- tion of men who regarded themselves as being especially happy in not hav- ing wife, child or home and who look ed upon women as designing persons who made it their business to enslaye men. usually by some underhanded means altogether reprehensible. , The Bachelors club came to order, i the president in the chair.
 Fellow bachelors" he said, "one of our number has committed matrimony. Edward Hammerton has taken to him. self wife. I will read article ' of our constitution, applying to his case:
 ''when any member shall become en- gagged CT has been married he shall pay a fine and his membership In the club shall cease. He shall state the arts by which he was snared. If there are palli- , atins, circumstances In his case he shall not pay the whole fine. but such portion of 1t as the club may consider just amount in his case.
 MT. Hammerton will now make his statement"
 II assure you, gentlemen" said the retiring member, 'that no intention whatever to desert you ever entered my head until a diabOlical combination of young women in the town where I live forced matrImOny upon me. These persons organized a club based on a custom prevailing In a foreign land. Between the mountains of India and Persia, I have since understood, Is n powerful tribe, among whom the ladies can choose their own husbands. All n single woman has to do when she wishes to change her state is to send servant to pin a handkerchief to the hat of the man on whom her fancy lights, and he Is obliged to marry her unless he can show that he Is too poor to purchase her at the price her father requires.
 Inspired by this suggestion from land where secret venOmous methods underlle all social conditions. every un- married woman in the town where l live formed q club-rather, entered upon a cOnspiracy-tO force the bachelors into matrimOny. One morning, being about to leave my home, on taking my hat from the hall closet something soft and scented futtered against my hand. l shuddered. had touched the Indian poison flower and was reminded of its waxen petals and its seductive odor. Taking the hat to the light, I saw pinned to 1t a blue silk handkerchief in one corner of which was embrOid- cred my monogram in white silk thread. Observe, gentlemen, the in- sinuating method of this designing creature. She not only knew how dear to every man is his alma mater, but she was aware that blue is the color of my college.
 "Mind you, gentlemen, did not at the time know of this society or of it's malevolent purpose, for the mem- bers kept both secret so long as pOsSi- ble. I asked my butler how the hand- kerchief came to be pinned to my hat He said that the servant of Miss Euge- mia TOmlinson, living at the other end of the street, had called before l was out of bed, asked for my hat and at tached the handkerchief. Why he had done so he did not state.
 'Going to my club after had break lasted, sat down to a cigar and a paper. In the paper read a full az count of the organization and prac- tices of this pestilent Indian plant that had been imported to our soil. I also read a list of the bachelor heads that had already fallen and was aghast to see the names of two of my most inti- mate friends.
 "'Great heavens,' I cried, the per spiration starting out on me, and l have already received a deadly Black Hand notificationr
 "The lady who had thus marked me for matrimonial misery, both from her beauty and general attractiveness, was all powerful. Any man on whom she pinned the skull and crossbones must walk the plank. There was no hope for him. Nevertheless, though seeing the signal to heave to, made up my mind to pay no attention to it. I sim + ply sailed on, minding my own busi- ness ~.
 Why; didn't you take to an aero plane?s a member interrupted.
 Rats "BuneOmber' Brave boym md the like greeted the speaker.
 "One week after the receipt of the signal,r he continued, "the period given blacklisted bachelors by this club, met one of my most respected women friends on the street. She cut me dead. The same day met several others and received the cut direct from all. Here was. Indeed, a boycott. You must re- member, gentlemen, that, although we do not wish to surrender our independ- ence to these creatures, to be Ostra- clZed by them is a serious matter. In time I was cut by every unmarried woman in town. Besides, the most at tractive married women were honorary members nf the club and joined. the boycott.
 And then, gentlemen, appeared the most alluring feature of this malignant scheme. Last of all my feminine ac- quaintances met the girl into whose tolls 1t was intended that should fall. \ seductive blush Overspread her fea- lures, bewildering smile parted. her vermiliUn lips and showed two rows of pearls beneath. then q modest droppina of the eyes. These women who had united to assist in Snaring me were all denying me the benefit of their society for the purpose of driving ne, like an innocent bird, into the opening of the net intended for me"
 At this point ill the speech there were groans and cries of Poor boy!' "Inndcent bird!'' Where's his moth err Hes going to cry!' and the like.
 "Here. fel--T was going to say fel- low bachelors; alas, can call you such no longer.-I took that first step which leads to the final, inevitable fall turned and joined her. Like the in- ebriate who sips the first glass of wine that he knows will drag him down to lis ruin, I submitted myself to pres snee which 1 knew would steal away my brains might as we'll have swal- lowed laudanum.''