The Parker post., 1918-10-19
"ACH! DEM FOOL AMERICANS. ;

SeSSlnS a vein OF HumOF Ill Lnelf COIL
position, are capable of seeing the
funny as we'll as the serious phases
of it as evidenced by the following
letter received by r. j. Martin of
this town from one of the American
| fighters.
The letter follows:
From Somewhere in France''-In
his retirement before the Americans
the Crown Prince has seen fit to ad
dress letter to the Kaiser.
The letter is printed in full, as
follows:
Dear Papa:-I am writing on der
run, as der brave and glorious soldier
under my command have not seen
der Rhine for SO long dat dey have
started back dat way and of course
| am going nit. dem. Oh, Papa,
dere has been some offel dings hap
pened here in France. First,
started in my big offensive which
was to crush de fool American, but
dey know so little about military
tactics dat dey will not be crushed
yust like | want EN- | sent my
men in der fight in big waves, and
ven dey got to de Americans dey
all said, Boo as loud as dey could
holler. Veil, according to vat you
half always told me, de Americans
have turned and run like blazes. But
vat do you think? Dem fool Ameri-
cans don't know anything about var,
instead of running de odder way,
dey came right straight for us; some
Of dem vas singing something about
We Won't Come Back Till It's Over,
Over Dere,' or some odder foolish
song; and some of dem yer laffing
like fools Dey are so ignorant. But
dey are Offel reckless nit dere guns,
und ven dey come toward us it vas
dat my men took notion dey want
ed to go back to de dear old Rhine.
river, anyhow And, oh, Papa, dem
Americans use such otfel language.
Dey know noting of Kultur, and
say such offel dings right before us.
And dey talk blasphemy, too.
Vot you tink dey said right in front
of my face? One big husky from
al vi ck1
Papa, I hate to tell you vat an
offel thing he said-but l can't help
it; he said, TO He'll nit der Kaiser!'
Did you ever hear anything SO offel?
didn't think anybody would say
such an awful ting. 1t make me so
mad. / couldn't stand and hear such
an offel ting so l turned round and
run NIT der odder boys Vas |
right? And. oh, Papa, you know dem
brest plates vot .you sent us can
you send some. more to put on our
backs? You know we are going de
odder vay, now, and breast plates are
no good, for de cowardly Americans
are shooting us right in der back.
/ Some of our boys took off der breast
plates and put 'em behind, but de
fool Americans are playing Der
Star Spangled Banner nit machine
guns on dem plates.
! Cant you help us? You remem-
ber in your speech you said noting
could stand before the brave German
soldiers? Oh, Papa, l don't believe
desc ignorant Americans ever read
like We vas lot of rabbits Vot
you tink of dot? Can't you send
dem some of your speeches straight
afay? Dey don't know how terrible
We are Can't you mofe my army
back to Belgium we're We Won our
glory? My men can vip all de VIM
men and children vot dem Belgians
can bring us. But desc Americans
are so rough and ignorant We can't
make EN- understand dot vot veare
| de greatest soldiers on earth, and
| ven We try to sing Deutschland Ueber
Allies dey laugh like a lot OF
monkeys. But We are getting the
| best of the Americans. We can out
run dem. Papa, if We are not de
| best fighters on earth, We are sure de
best runners on earth ven We tink of
der dear old Rhine; and my army
never did tink so much of dot dear
| old river. Let me know right
straight away vot to do by return
| post office.
"CROWN PRINCE WILLIE"
P. S. Don't forget der breast
plates to put on behindt cause 50
| many of mine soldiers can't sit down