The Washington herald., 1918-04-26

OF course it's perfectly proper, and
highly desirable, for every swan to
think it's own the whitest, and for
every mother to be convinced that
each of her children is an infant phe-
nomenon who is destined to make the
world sit up and gasp with awe and
wonder.
Heaven knows that but for this
beneficent provision of nature no child
would ever be raised. Except for
seeing beauties in the round, fea-
tureless, cream-cheese-like counte-
nance OF her baby that no other NOR
tai eye can see, no woman would
have the patience OF go on washing
its drooling little mouth, and keeping
1t clean and healthy. Except for
hearing Caruso-like tones in the howl
of her infant, no woman would have
the fortitude to walk the collie
through the cold, stilly hours of the
night.
It's the obsession of mother van
ity that makes a woman see her chill
dren not as they arc, but glorifled.
that keeps the world spinning around,
and preserves the human race. Other
wise infanticide would be our favor
lite indoor sport, for do We not con-
tinually reflect that IL We had TO
stand those awful. mischievous, ugly,
stupid Jones children, we should GER
taInly kill them?
And do we not wonder how II Is
possible that all other children are so
inferior to our own beautiful and
gifted darlines?
Do we not dread, even as we would
an attack of the plague. the coming of
a guest to visit us who brings her little
olive branches along with her. while
we take our own children to spend
week-ends with our friends on whom
We wish to bestow an especial treat?
Yea. verify, such is the way OF moth
ers which had evidently never been
investigated by the gentleman who
spoke of the way of a man with a
rock, and the way of a man with Il
maid. as being mysteries that no man
could solve. For the way of a mother
with her child is the mystery OF all
mysteries, past all guessing.
Now it is all right for mother to be
her children's press agent. Goodness
knows most of rs need somebody to
DlO" us, DuI Ine
trouble with mother is that she gen.
orally bungles the job so badly. Her
work is raw. She overdoes it. She
lacks firmness and especially she lacks
restraint, and so often in trying to
turn a searchlight on the virtues of
her offspring she only succeeds in
calling attention to their defects,
We all know, for instance, some nice,
plain, sensible girl, without a vestage
of beauty or talent or sparkle. There
is absolutely nothing about her to at
tract attention in any way, but left
to her own devices she would be ad-
mired as one of the solid. sensible,
unpretentious women that everybody
likes to have about, just because they
are so comfortable to get along. with
and call for no Mysteries of admiration
and rouse no envy.
But mother ruins all of this by her
indiscreet press agentry. She descants
ceaselessly about the girls wonderful
hair and beautiful eyes and magni-
ficent figure. Thereby drawing the
attention of the listener to the fact
that the unfortunate maiden Is no
understudy of Lillian Russell in pull
chritude.
Mothers also repeats fulsome COM
pliments that she avows perfect
strangers have paid to daughter, and
tells of rows and rows of nameless
suitors who are dying to marry
daughter. but to whom daughter
cruelty says no"
Women are accused Of having no
sense of humor. Certainly they have
no sense of humor where their chill
dren are concerned, and such moth
ers never preceive that in attributing
charms to their daughters which the
girls have not, and never claim they
have, that they are making their
daughters ridiculous. and a laughing
stock among their friends. Many
girls worst enemy is her own mother
who kills whatever chance of success
she might have by booming her stock
too heavily.
And mother makes precisely the
same mistake in conducting her press
agent campaign for son. II statistics
could be gathered on such subjects, it
would be interesting to know how
many young men enter real life hand
icapped by a prejudice against them
that has been fomented by their moth
er's incessant explorations of their
talents and virtues.
The community has heard mother
monologue about what a marvel son
is, what a magnificent intellect son
has. what an eloquent speaker son
is, what brilliant talent son has dis
played at. this and that, what an
athlete son is, how the college de-
pended on son to preserve its tra-
ditions. and the football team to
carry 1t to victory, until by the
time son gets through school and is
readyto so into business or pro-
fession the whole community Is 80
fed up on son that it nauseates it
eEen to hear his name.