davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic banner. (Mt. Vernon, Ohio) 1898-192?, 1918-04-02
Mrs. Emma Mayors
Dies Of Acute indigestion at hcr
Home on Granville Road--Was
v 67 Years old-Leaves Six
Brothers

Mrs. Emma Magcrs, aged G7 years,
died at her home on the sltranvillc
road at GAO o'clock Saturday morn
The Democratic banner. (Mt. Vernon, Ohio) 1898-192?, 1918-04-02
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Evening star., 1918-04-14

money in what the newspaper referred
to as the Rossiter crash'-prcbably
an event we'll known to Galendale-
and the authorities felt he should be
replaced by another. Mr.. Miltoun. OF
the -four mill, had consented readily
enough, but had suggested that his
lawyer be permitted to make a hurried
examination of Bratman's accounts. 1t
was for this that Bratman had prom
ised to be at the Office unusually early.
1t was in fear of what the examination
would disclose that he had. seemingly,
gone to the office in the dead of night,
taken what tax money happened to De
in the safe and fed.
And now Ben Bratman lay in the
Skiff q dead mani
skiff-the lighter one was empty-two
were men of the town, Mack Green
and Wenty Carter. The third man. he
who had first stepped out of the skiff.
was Henry House. For reasons obvious
to any village wit. he was known about
the town as Chicken Coop, his rightful
name suggesting this playful nickname
as satisfying variation Of Hen
House. In stature he was almost a
giant and in a fight he might have
arms were long and his hands like
steel. AS the willing hands of the
dozen men nearest the skiff pulled the
craft farther on shore Hen House
Strengthened his rounded DacK ana
wiped the perspiration from his fore
head with the back of one hand. He
looked up at Shasbark; their eyes met
for an instant. Hen House let his eyes
fall again.
His two companions were already
answering questions and volunteering
information in the excited. gabbling
fashion of men suddenly important
He was floating under water Just
off the west side of Twin Island" Mack
Green explained. We come along just
about dusk, in our skiff-had been up
to the dam, fshing--went up before
daylight this morning. And we come
around the end of Twin Island. and
there was Chicken Coop pulling the
body out of the water"
Hen had been rowing up to his
shack" Went Carter broke in. land
saw the body under water there, right
alongside the island, where Ben had
jumped IN. He was dead. all right.
wasn't he, Hen?"
yes, dead. all right" said Henry
House.
so we helped him get Bens body
into the skiff,'' said Mack Green. Il
wonder what he did it for?"
Say, don't you know?" asked some one
incredulously.
THE police were after him. He de-
fau1ted. 1t all came out this morning.
He skipped with the city money!
Evening star., 1918-04-14

conjugation Of Y, which is G. or 7%
This being so, it is clear that the num-
ber of sonnets purchasable on the
basis of SO cents line by $4,000, 100000
is 42S,571,42S, with four linesi over, or
one line short of Limerick. A further
calculation shows that If you wrote
a hundred lines a day it would take you
4,285.714 days hours, to finish the
job, or 11,742 years. months, day and
7 hours. In other words. Homer. If you
had begun writing sonnets two thou
sand years before Adam was born and
had kept at 1t steadily until now, you
would still have to keep at 1t for 1850
more years before the end hove in
sight. The way things go you
woulda't collect your three billion
dollars much before April Is,
1868. Really. Homer. old man, If
I were you I'd take $40 down and call
ii off,"
"I'll do better than that, Euk." re-
piled Homer. 'T'll sell the contract 10
you for $4.57 (. o. b.
Evening star., 1918-04-14

There, Mackv' said wenty. "I sal
there was something like that. He had
$500 in his pocket. Mack has 1t right
here. Eight hundred dollars! I said 1t
and fall into the river with lump Of
money like that in his pocket, didn't l.
Mack? l said We would hear something
queer about him when we got to town
That's right Wenty. you did say It,"
admitted Mack. But, say, I was SO up
set when I saw what Chicken Coop was
doing just went dippy. guess, Wenty
kept his head. all right I'll give him
credit for that But it was some creepy
to come around the head of that island
in the dusk and see Chicken Coop pull
ing at what looked like a netful Of fish
and then see. all at once. that it was a
dead man he was pulling into the boat.
1t was big lift for one man. wasn't it,
Chicken Coop?'
Yes, a big load" admitted Henry
House.
II don't know whether you could
have handled 1t alone, Chicken Coop"
said Mack.
Il guess I could. I'm right strong"
said Henry House.
Anyway, it wasn't an easy job"
said Mack Chicken Coop had got the
stone into the skiff and was trying to
get Ben's body in
I'm right strong" Henry House re-
peated.
"Allie. come back here by noon" said
Shagbark. I'D like to tell folks the
truth about the whole business after
the Grand Musical Entertainment to-
night"
Alice returned to the boat about
noon, as her father had desired.
l found out almost everything you
wanted to know, dad" she said. Mrs,
Galway was glad to talk. And what
do you think dad?"
Tell me, Allie; 1 reckon can stand
it."
Henry Houses daughter is the dish
washer in Mrs. Calway's kitchen. Her
name is Josie, and she is a thin, scared
little thing. about fifteen, I should
Judge. dad. I got there before break
fast and Mrs. Galway was in the kit
chen; she made the cook give me my
breakfast right away. on the kitchen
table. I didn't even have to start the
talk about Ben Bratman; Josie was
crying. Mrs. Galway spoke up and said
Josie was crying because she had been
so grateful to and fond of Ben Brat
man"
You don't say" cried Shagbark.
Yes. Ben Bratman had got Mrs. CAL
way to take Josie in there and give
her work. He ran across her once
when he was UP at Twin Island He
used to go up there to see Henry
House. You were right about Henry
Evening star., 1918-04-14

thirty-seven giraffes to reach to the
nearest star in the Great Dipper."
We'll. don't get 1t yet said Homer.
Put the thing in something reason
able. What does it come to in sonnets
at SO cents line?"
"Ha! Hum! Let me see." said Monte
Cristo. Five times eight are forty. Six
times efghty-three are-oh, ask Euclid,
Homer. Pm too dazed to think
straight"
DO you mean fourteen-line sonnets
or these free verse sonnets that sell at
81 cents yard down around Wash
ington Square?" asked Euclid.
II mean the real ones-lfke Roset-
it's and Wordsworth's. of course" said
Homer. The fourteen liners
WELL" said Euclid, "a fourteen line
sonnet at SO cents a line comes to
seven dollars. Now working this thing
out in tho simplest algebrafc for we
KY, then divided by B Is equal to
the common denominator of the third
Evening star., 1918-04-14

Houses bootlegging whisky dad. Josie
told me he does: he gets 1t in Illinois
and sells 1t to the Galendale fellows
But he won't bring it down to town
the fellows have to go after 1t. So one
day when he was up there after whis-
ky-Ben Bratman, l mean-he saw
Josie. She was yellow with fever and
ague. and he felt sorry for her. Henry
House wasn't home. He had gone over
to Illinois to get whisky. So Ben Brat
man talked to her-to Josie-and got
her to say she would come down to
town and take a job somewhere. so she
would be out of the ague section and
get we'll"
%And she did" said shagbark.
yes" said Allie, Henry House
Josie used to be useful on the island
She. used to keep the shack and cook
and sell the whisky when Henry was
away. When Ben Bratman got her the
job at Mrs. Calway's and rowed UP
for her in a skif, her father made a
terrible fuss. He was going to throw
Ben off the island. but Ben just
squenched him.
How so?"
why. Ben was in cahoots with the
town attorney and the county attorney
and he said he would sic 'em on Henry
House and Jail him for bootlegging If
he didn't shut up. So Henry House
shut up. And that was what Josie was
crying about"
About Henry House being shut
mouthed?"
"No-because she hadn't told Ben
Bratman that her father was still mad
at him. dad. Henry House had to be
polite and quiet and friendly appear
ing, but all the while he had it in for
Ben-so Josie says. And. dad
Yes. Allie?"
There was no woman in the case.
Mrs. Galway is sure of that. So is
Josie. So am I. dad. But"
She hesitated. She was truly sorry
for the poor child
Yes? Go on, Allie" said Shagbark.
Dad said Allie. Il got to tell it,
but / hate to. When 1 was coming
away she whispered to me: Father
wouldn't kill him; my pop may be low
trash, but he wouldn't kill anybody +"
Meaning she was scared her father
had" said Shagbark.
That's what I thought" said Allie
reluctantly. 1T seemed to me like she
was crying and all because she felt
she should have told Ben Bratman
her father was still mad a him-warn-
ing him, dad. Because. you see if Ben
Bratman went up there to the island to
ask Henry House to help him get
away or to ask him to hide him
awhile, and Henry House found out
how much money he had
Il amt right sure" said Shagbark,
Evening star., 1918-04-14
AT THE H0USEB0AT ON THE STYX \ le1gs Rsg
AS to the Liberty Loan

Monte Cristo. II hate to think of it in
terms of real money. it's so incredibly
stupendous, but in cigarettes at twenty
five centimes apiece it would buy sew
enty-five billions"
"MercifuI beeswax." calculated Midas.
completely awed. "Seventy-five billion
cigarettes, Why, Monte. figure that out
In smoke at so many cubic feet to each
cigarette. you'd get cloud hundred
feet thick big enough to provide Lon
don with fog for 1853 years. seven
months. nine days. twenty-three hours.
ten minutes and fourteen seconds. Sun
days included.
II don't see how you figure that out"
put in Mark Antony.
Neither do !, Marcus" said Midas.
but I'll lay you a little wager of
Villa dollar to a Trotzky ruble that you
can't prove I'm wrong. I may be a few
, seconds out of the way, but
We'll. why don't some of you financial
high-brows reduce 1t to such terms that
feller can understand it?" pleaded
Mark Antony. II was a fairly good
soldier and a king-pin at after dinner
speaking, but l never was any good at
figures"
''Oh. wouldn't say that il I were you.
Mark" said Ptolemy. with a smirk at
the great Roman. That little Cleopatra
affair showed you had an eye for figures
even il your talents were not what
you'd call arithmetical."
Perhaps" suggested Capt Kidd, 'An-
tony would understand if you reck-
oned the amount in terms of Cleopatra
Good idea-fine" said Midas. ut
won't take much of an expert account
ant to do 1t a. that. 1t would have sup
ported Cleopatra in the style to which
she was accustomed for four days and
a half at Palm Beach"
Jupiter Tonans!" cried Antony. as he
tainted on the rug.
"Reckoned In spring bonnets," said
Socrates. who had done a little figuring
on the skirt of his kimono while An
tony was being revived, Il find that at
$40 apiece 1t would have provided my
wife Xanthippe with two new hats a
var for hundred and fifty million
years, or on narrow estimate 600,000,-
900 hats during her lifetime"
The way I figure it, said Sir Wal
ter Raleigh. looking up from a pad he
had been scribbling on, ''if Henry the
VIII had had three billion dollars he
could have paid $1,000 alimony for
twenty years to thirty thousand wives
with it,
And IL you'd had 1t you could have
AFFORDED to marry my daughter, Lizzie,
Evening star., 1918-04-14

instead of hanging around like poor
relation all your life" retorted Henry.
Yes" said Sir Walter. ruefully. And
/ should have been able to save my
neck as well. If Elizabeth had ever
been able to land a husband nothing
but natural causes could ever have got
him loose.
We'll, whatever the matrNnonial
idiosyncrasies of the Tudors may have
been.' said Monte Cristo, they have no
bearing on the liberty loan, or the
enormous sum involved, a sum that, as
we have seen surpasses the imagination
of the richest men in history. Perhaps
the scientists can grasp it. How do you
feel about it. Galileo?"
II figured II out last night" said
Galileo. that II you had had ten gi-
raffes thirteen feet high for each doll
lar. and had them standing on each
others heads perched on top of the
Eiffel Tower, 1t would take eighty-nine
million six thousand four hundred and
Evening star., 1918-04-14

ancierl Yop don't seem to realize that
If I stirred up that much gold with q
wiggle of my thumb it wouldn't be more
than six weeks before an ounce Of pewter
would be worth a ton of gold. and you'd
find people you owed money to refusing
to take 1t and demanding their pay IN
trolley transfers and rain checks instead.
1t would absolutely destroy the financial
system Everything would go up in prioe.
"'How much are these shoes? he'd
say to your shoemaker
-Four thousand dollars in gold.' hed
reply, but in uncanceled Mexican postage
stamps, nine dollars and quarter
And as for people envying me- con-
tinued Midas. sadly, really, boys, was
rather to be pitied. for the honest truth
is that that touch of mine was the dinged-
est nuisance ever inflicted upon suffering
humanity
Nevertheless" said Milton. 'T think
1t would be fine thing il you could
persuade charon to let you sneak
across the river for a day or two and
help the boys out on these various
loans"
1T wouldn't work. even If Charon
would let me-" said Midas.
"Why not?" asked Napoleon. Have
you lost your magic power?"
NO. said Midas, but I am now q
shade, and all the gold that responds
to my touch is shady gold. and the
gold they need is the real stuff"
IN other words. ready money. said
cr2esus.
'Ubetcha, said Midas.
Exactly" said Benjamin Franklin,
"and that is why this little three bill
ion affair that staggers you village
magnates of the past doesn't even
ruffie my people,
Just what do you mean by thatr~
queried Monte Cristo.
This" said Franklin proudly, ''the
American dollar is always ready when
the call comes, whether it's for three
billion or twenty"
But there's some limit. isn't there?-
demanded Croesus. =.
Well" laughed Hamilton. "there's
the sky
"oh, tush" retorted Frederick the
Great. You'll whistle different tune
when you get down to your last"
We'll, Freddy" put in Washington.
grave1y. I'm not sporting man, but
I'll bet you that last dollar against the
par value of one of Bill Hohenzollern's
solemn promises, which is giving you
marvellous adds. that when that same
last dollar Is called for to put your
little While to bed It will be the read-
lest of all the billions that have gone
to the front. How about it?"
II don't bet" growled Frederick.
81 wouldn't IL I were you." said
Alexander Hamilton, for really, Fred
dy. you'd lose and you'd have to welch,
for when that time comes there won't
be enough marks left In the whole
broad universe to cover thu pfsning
you'll owe-and another German prom
ise would be revealed at its true
worth"
fcepyriEht. 1a1A II aEscs.s- ay.1inaaA 8
Evening star., 1918-04-14

Thanks" returned Euclid, but I
can't avail myself of the opportunity.
1 can grasp anything that comes my
way in the line of mathematics, high
er, lower, or in the middle. / can solve
the insoluble and unscrew the unscrut-
able. but poetry, written or unwritten,
is beyond me"
anything tangible to you?" said Midas.
Tranquility is all it does suggest" f."
said Euclid. 1T is tangibilfry raised
to the nth power-in other wsos%s it
is the supreme touch"
"And it will be~raised." said Wash
ington.
"of course, it WILL" said Euclid, and
that is the most remarkable thing
about it,"
What pity it is that Midas can't
go across the river and help the thing
along with that touch of his" said
Napoleon. Nom de Tirpitz. what a
Secretary OF the Treasury Midas would
make!'
Evening star., 1918-04-14

-
oNH Monte Cristo. with such We =
- IL 81 hemence that the house
- boat on the Styx shivered
TO her ultimate timber and seemed al
most to be straining loose from her
moorings
Midas and Croesus, who were playing
penny at the other end of the
reading room, dropped their game and
FASTENED solicitously to the counts side.
whats the matter. MontyT' asked
Midas. Swallowed an earthquakeg"
NO" replied the count. weakly. I've
just had a shock, that's ALL"
He pointed as he spoke to a copy of
the asbestos edition of an American
newspaper that had somehow foated
across the Styx. \
There's nothing the matter with me,
but I was just reading in that news
paper of the third liberty loan they are
Negotiating over there, and the figures
staggered me. that's all. Three billion
dollars! Think of ii, Midas. And
they've already/raised seven
Seven dollars?" asked Croesus.
mo, stupid" retorted Monte Cristo:
7seven billion. Put your mind on it for
= minute and tell me if you can grasp
No." said Croesus, after a moment
OF effort. mo, 1 can't. I don't be-
Heve even old Shylock could grasp it;
could you. Shylock?"
h
Not unless it was in certified checks
for . billion each" said Shylock
4..1weii. then,'' said Croesus. 'ff the
most grasping figure in history can't
grasp it it's some sum. 1t makes my
little nest egg look like 80 cents. How
5nuch is three billion dollars In francs.
MonteT.
= Don't ask me. don't ask mew sroaned
Evening star., 1918-04-14

the janitor's suspicion, the reason for
his being there SO early was sufficient.
He had been asked to come down early
and get his sweeping and dusting done
an hour or SO ahead of time because
Mr. Miltoun's lawyer was to be there
at g. The reason Mr.. Miltoun's lawyer
was to be in the treasurer's office was
predicted as one Of those events that
so often lead to the exposure of de-
faulting off1cials-there was to be
change of bondsmen. Qld Jed Rosstter.
who had been one of Ben Bratman's
two bondsmen, had 1osS most of his
Evening star., 1918-04-14

= Note.-This story Is contributed by
Mr.. Bangs as publicity matter in further
ing the campaign for the third liberty
loan: Mr.. Carey has donated the Illus
trations in like manner.
Evening star., 1918-04-14

I've often thought OF that" said
Milton Fact is. once began little
piece on the subject that think rather
we'll of:
30 Midas of the minted touch,
Past master of the Aureous clutch,
Had l for but little hour
1.-THE of thy transforming power
To turn to gold such things OF dross
As otherwise might prove but loss,
I'd be so fat with wealth this minute
Golcondas self would not be in it.
o. sovereign-
'I think we can dispense with the
rest of that John" said Midas. TIL
pay you for the whole poem right now
If you'll promise to forget the frag-
nent.''
well said" calculated Napoleon.
These poets are getting on my nerves
We no sooner start on serious dis
cussion than one of them throws a
fytte of some kind all over the flour
1 venture the remark that Midas would
make a corking Secretary OF the treas
ury when old Jock here butts in with
a rhyme ostensibly about Midas, but
really about nothing but his own emo
tions."
"oh, all right" said Milton: with mien
serene I'll wend my way and let you
have your gassy day-only, on second
thoughts 1 don't think Midas would have
made a good Secretary of the Treasury at
ALL "A man may be an animated mint
and yet not have any brains and 1t takes
brains to know how to tax people 50
they IL love you, ana call you 5TcdtcSe
little cash register since Alexander Ham
ilton."
which shows how utterly devoid of
really valuable imagination you are,
Johnny" said Napoleon. That's just the
point. With a man like Midas as Secre-
tary of the Treasury there wouldn't have
to be any taxes at all, He'd just work ms ms
magic touch, and the treasury would
burst If he needed a million dollars to
build a new lighthouse to warn battle
ships off the coast of Chattanooga he'd
just order a ton of coal. tap it gently on
the wrist and have his million Instead
of issuing bonds for liberty loans he'd
take a Sunday off at Atlantic City and
scoop in a hundred dollars worth Of sard
and 10. as it poured out Of that minted
palm of his as Johnny here would put
it. each grain would be double eagle.
and"
'Himmel.' groaned Shylock. Such a
biznessr
THE United States would never lack
gold as long as the Jersey coast had any
sand left" said Napoleon. And when
that gave out he could go west pat
Pixies Peak on the back and just blast
whenever the treasury ran low"
Midas laughed heartily.
II don't want to hurt your feelings.
Boney, but really, old man." he said,
you're no less absurd than Milt" You
both OF you let your Imagination run away
with you. You were great soldier,
Boney. but you were also what the Pytha-
goreans would have called phony phin-
Evening star., 1918-04-14

Copyright. 1918. by Mcclure syndie.ts.,
Evening star., 1918-04-14

~ OSH" cried the Count of
bof Monte Cristo. with such We
IL 81 hemence that the house
hOat on the Styx shiyered
Tombstone epitaph., 1918-09-08
NEW INDUSTRY NOW IN COcHIsE COUNTY

A new industry is being developed in Cochse county where large depos- its of bat guano have been accumu- la.ing for long periods of time in mountain caves where it has been protected from the weather
 In cooperation with the county agent. C. R. Adamson. discoverers have had this guano analysed in or der to market it in car lots with guar anteel standard of quality.
 The war emergency situation has resulted in an abnormal high price for fertilizers which are rich in nj trogen and the demand for 1t is far beyond the supply available. These deposits are not accessible with wa gons and large amounts are being transported to the railway with pack burros. Although a slow and expen- sive method several hundreds of dol lars have been netted on the few cars already marketed ;n California.
Tombstone epitaph., 1918-09-08
DINNER FOR
 DRAFTED BOYS.

Saturday night al the hom4 Of the Miss Vera and Olive Smith stump tuous spread was given for the local drafted boys who left Sunday for tfe raining camp at Tucson. The din Ter was prepared by Mrs. A Stani- ger. who is q pas; mistress in the cul- mary art. and everything was includ, ed in the fare. She was assisted by number 0. the girls. Following the feed all boarded autos and went to Gieeson where they danced until tha wee hours of morning. returning and finishing up on the left overs oi the dinner. which were ample About fifteen invited guests enjoyed the re- past