The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1918-10-01
10 PARENTS
From RING W. LARDNER.
Home, Sept. "A, 1918.

Home, Sept. "a, 1918.
LADIES AND GENTS:
Wen, ladies and gents, suppose
they's a few of you that never even
heard of my son John, and l could
fill seed catalogue with the funny
ones he has pulled like 1 day he
said Daddy Che calls me daddy on
acct. of 1 being his daddy they's
bee in Niles, Michigan, that lays
currant jelly" But / suppose you
don't think that's as funny as some
of the ones your John has pulled, so
they's no use repeating whole lot
more of them. But any way we
named him John on acct of my name
inciteing people to make up puns
about it and many's the time have
pretty near strangled to death trying
to laugh at the gags people pulled
about my name and they probabl,
didn't figure that / had heard then
all as often as the one about the %
lieut.. or somebody that made the pr.
vate salute him a 100 times or some
thing and etc.
But any way John is 6 yrs old and
you wouldn't never believe it to look
at him ON acct of being so big and
smart and you would guess him at
or something and in that respects he
takes after his father because they's
lots of people that just met me and
they are trying to make up cOnversa-
lions or something and they generally
always ask me if l felt nervous az
Chickamauga, where as the facts Us
that when Goodbye Dolly Gray come
out l was still singing soprano yet
Well, on acct. of the merchants try
ing to start up correspondence will
with me the 1 of every mo-, l hal
to work and I can't do 1t home be
cause they's so many places to lay
down, so l leave home about ence pc,
day and come back pretty near az
often, and when / open up the from
door or however / come into thu
house, John comes running to meet
me and for vile l figured it was
on acct. of he being crazy about me
but l finally realized that he didn'.
never offer no caresses or honey
words, but all as he ever said was
Daddy what did you bring me?'
Well, when / didn't have nothing fol
him his face would fall and some
body would half to pick it up but
couldn't bring him something ever,
time l come home because even if il
wasn't only a transfer the wear ant
tear of remembering It every nigh
was bound to get man in time anf
if | offered him the evening paper /;
meant I would half to turn to the
comical pictures and explain them all
out and without knocking no cartoon
lists, the man that tries to explair
some of them to 6 yr old has GO
bigger job of explaining on theii
hands than the poor bird that has Il
write the official German commune
Gates.
Well, they wasn't nothing tina
would do for every day diet yol
might say, so finely kind of estah
lished the custom Of getting hin
something pretty nice once in a while
and then telling him to expect nothing
more for long time and that work
ed pretty good. only the sometime
nice was generally always Simon poo
wreckage after few days treatment
or If 1t was a book, he had to hay.
it read to him every evening tiIl-h
got another and It didn't seem to max.
10 difference to him how often yol
read him the same story over ar.
over again, but it did make a differ
ence to the dear reader and many,
The time wished this here Thornto,
Burgess was a truck driver or some
hing
Well, along this summer l left tn.
house morning like usual and whep
and John parted he says DADDY
Fou haven't broughten me anything
or long time and you have got tn
ring me something nice today" So |
said "All right" and then went |
Town town and got haircut and az |
erwards | couldn't remember nothing |
My few extracts from the BARRIERS
nonoiogue so l forgot all about JohL
ut happened to be looking through |
ny desk for the typewriter and |
ONE acrost card that had layed
here since, May and it said on It tina
could present the card at the hanI
nd get a 500 Liberty Bond for il
ecause here is how 1t happened.
This day In May 1t seems like L had
lst got paid and / was eating lunch
nd had $40 dollars In my close out
de Of my pay envelope and while
as eating bird come up that
admit saw for couple of yrs. ano
he last time ! seen him I was in a
oze and lent him $40, and any way
? come up and says here is that 500
i'd you could of knocked me over
it'll coupling pin, but aay way
ere l set with a 500 on ne besides
me chickens feed and they was a
'sntifnl gal in the place. that must