davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
TOday's Tabloid Tale
N WOMEN WATT.
By Joe Blast
: X X X x x 4 X

The honeymoon was over, and it was
Their first morning in their new home,
their coy little nest on Eteenth Street
which, if it had been two blocks fur
Their west, would have faced the park
and, though they were naturally kind
hearted young people, they couldn't help
wishing that some day a fire would
Turn down the two rows of houses BIT
tween them and the view, although of
course the hoped that the firemen
would rescue all the people first.
Anyway, it was their first morning
in their new home, and at the very
thought of his leaving her, she chung to
him desperately.
eorom! Tom" she breathed. cts
oar first morning in our new home
don't tell me you're going awayl'
He patted her hair, and his faithful
brown eyes filled with tears.
"I must, 1 must" he breathed back.
esYou know / wouldn' It leave you un-
less / heard the stern hand-I mean
the stern beckon| mean call. L realize
it is our first morning in our new
home, but life is hard, dearest, life is
hard. You must let me go now, 1t is all
for the BEST
But she chung ever tighter.
Ono, no, no, no, nol' she cried, al
though ordinarily she was not II to
repeat herself. 81 can't let you CO.
I can t, I can t, 1 can t, I can't, 1 can't
1 can II Oh, just to think-on our first
morning in cur newt hOmel Oh, it will
seem ages! agesl If something were to
happen to you while you are awayl
Our first separationi"
"'Tushl Tushi'' he flushed, bravely
kissing her fears away.
And he tore himself away and went
firmly down the cellar steps to fix the
furnace, while she stood palpitatingly
at the head of the cellar steps and wait
ed yearningly.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
When Itching Stops

There is one safe, dependable treatment
that relieves itching torture and skin irri-
tation almost instantly and that cleanses
and soothes the skin.
Ask any druggist for a 35c or 81 bottle
Of zemo and apply it as directed. Soon
you win find that irritations, pimples,
blackheads eczema, blotches, ringworm
and similar skin troubles will disappear.
A little zemo, the penetrating, satisfy
ing liquid, is all that is needed, for it
banishes most skin eruptions and makes
the skin soft, smooth and healthy.
The E. W. Rose Co., Cleveland. O.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
THE CENSOR WAS ASLEEP

The censor on the Oregonian, Wednesday, must have
been asleep on his job, and is certainly due to have his
back against the wall and the firing squad turned loose at.
him. He allowed a criticism of the Oregon Agricultural
College to 60 unbluepenciled to the Oregonian readers,
and this too on the editorial page. R. M futile writing
the paper from Portland asked: "Why should a progress
.sive state like Oregon permit rufianisnn that is worthy of
Prussianism to exist in a state institution Public atten-
ton has been called recently to youths who have been
permanently injured physically and mentally by their
mistreatment at Corvallis" The Oregonian of course
does not comment on the matter editorially and we sug-
gest to Mr.. futile that he instead of making his inquiries
at the tall tower try the dome at the state capitol. Gov
e1nor Withycombe is a member of the board of regents
and was for years a member of the GA. c.. faculty.
Maybe it is because the boss Kerr has gone east that this
matter became public. That was when the salary steal
started. By the way it was not a stea, for it comes under
the head Of obtaining a salary under false pretenses.
There is really a job for the prosecuting attorney of Ben
ton county that is not being attended to.
Wisconsin saved it's distance in the primaries Tuesday
by a margin of less than 1000 votes. That came very near
being a victory for the kaiser. There used to be a slam
made at New Jersey in the expression: "All parts Of
the United States and some of New Jersey" This will
have to be changed now and the name Wisconsin sub
stituted,
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
Dinner

There was a wise spear-woman who
> lived in a shoe
For her many small children she knew
what to do:
She made them most happy with Wrig-
ley's for all
1t kept them in trim at a cost very
SMALL
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
Ripping Rhymes
H WAR CRITIC
by Walt Mason

I've bungled everything I've tried, I've
shown there's such a word as fail; and al
ways have let the hide go with the horns,
the hoofs and. tail. I used to run a mart of
trade until the sheriff closed my door; and
peanuts then, and lemonade, | sold till |
went broke once more. l used to sell hot
dog and wurst, but couldn't make the bust
ness pay, and once again was | immersed
in seven kinds of consomme. | can't con-
duct a peanut stand nor make the popcorn
business go; / am no good at pounding sand,
at shearing swine or baling snow. And
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
Everybody Satisfied with This
Kidney Medicine

In the trade there are many medi
cines for sale, but considering all OF
them there is not a remedy that en-
Joys a better reputation or has met
with better success in the treatment
of the troubles for which it is intend.
ed than DIR. Kilmer's Swamp-Root. II
has been a successful and satisfactory
seller with us for twelve years. and
my experience in selling it has been
very favorable.
Very truly yours,
DITTMER IS MISSION PHARMACY,
Per Adolph Dittmer.
August Sd, 1917. Orange, Calf.
y = =
= Letter to
y DR.. Kilmer & co. =
y Binghamton, N. Y.
y y y \ = y y
Prove What Swamp-Root Will do
for You
Send ten cents to DR.. Kilmer & Co..
N. Y, for a sample size
bottle. 1t will convince anyone. You
will also receive a booklet of valuable
information, telling abou. the kidneys
and bladder. When writing, be SURE
and mention the Salem Daily Capital
Journal. Medium and large size bot
ties for sale at all drug stores.
One. two-it's good to chew,
Three, four-they all want more,
Five, six-it comes in sticks,
eight-the flavor's great,
Nine, ten-come again
with Wrigley's!
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
YOUR HEALTH
H~aemorrhoids, No. Q.
By ANDREW F. CURRIER, NJ. D.

Escaping blood from a bleeding
pile may amount to a t~easpoonful or
two, or it may be sufficient to cause
faintness and collapse.
The worst of it is this: haemor-
rhage may occur at any time and
without warning.
If the haeInorrhoidal clots become
infected, which happens very often,
there may be great pain and per-
haps copious discharge of pus; and
when the Inflammation subsidies, 1t
may leave a lot of hard and trouble
some tissue to cause further disturb
ance
Furthermore, the discharge from
haemorrhoids may be very irritating
to the skin and cause intense itch
ing with its accompanying rubbing
and scratching and the development
of large, ileshy tumors.
The most frequent cause Of
haemorrhoids is constipation. II
children were properly trained as
to the regulation of the bowels, the
great majority of cases of haemor-
rhoids would be avoided.
Sedentary mode of life is an
other common cause, especially with
women
Improper food, disease, and tu-
mors producing pressure, are other
causes.
Treatment may be palliative, In
gliding the use Of ointments, sit6
baths, cold applications. etc; or 1t
may be curative, using ointments
and suppositories when possible,
otherwise operating by knife, scis-
sors, ligature, cautery or crushing
Instruments.
One who does such operations
must have not only skill, but judg-
ment-otherwise the condition may
be made worse instead Of better.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

having falled at al I've trled, lost every
thing I've struggled for, l feel that l am qualified to show
how we should run the war. All day l sit around and tell
what Haig and Pershing ought to do, if they would make
the kaiser yell, and show him to his proper pew. And l
explain how Daniels lost the confidence of men like me-,
and made the navy such a frost that it has chilled the
deep blue sea. l climb on Bakers tortured frame. and
from him take a dozen falls, and show just where he
.queered the game, and gave the foe base on balls. lean
not wind an eightday clock, or cut the weeds or till the
loan, but can stand around and talk until the r~ing-tailed
COWS come home.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21
Questions and Answers

Mrs. B.-1. Is there animaI life
or germ life ia rain srater or sAo1G
U0teT, and is either VGTietV good for
cooking or GriEking if they are
properly boiIed9
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

1t must make a gang of robbers want to swear at the
newspapers when they read such news as that yesterday
about a gang getting away with $4,000 but overlooking
100000, and that too, in currency.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

2. What effect has mineral NOdter
upon the SystemP
AnStoer: Water, as it comes
through the air, is pure. But in the
process of coming, it may wash down
impurities from the air. Further
more, in running along the soil, it
may carry with it impurities. But
if such water is boiled ten OF fifteen
minutes, it will destroy all germs
that are in it and then will be suit
able for either drinking OF cooking
2. There are so many kinds of min
eral waters that / could not here
describe the effect Of them all. The
effect Of the water is the effect Of
the mineral which it contains in
solution. That is why some waters
are laxative and other have a con-
trary effect.
Mrs. A.-Please gtve me tnform0.
tioH regarding cGaker sores. My
hnOuth Is neUer free from them .
Ansger-The best plan in such
cases, is to try and find the cause
of the trouble. The so-called canker
sores are evidences of Indigestion.
What you should do is to try to reg
ulate your diet, emitting things
which do not agree with you. The
sores will then get well quickly. II
they do not you can touch them
with lunar eaustic and that viii
stimulate them to get well.
Mrs. BE there n cure for
tHbercRIdT glands In the ReckF I
hG0e simply heard "~tnbercule," or
something Of that kind, mentioned.s
ARs.0er-When t~ubercular glands
become Troublesome, it is a good
plan to remove them. In many
cases. however, an operation is not
required. and proper regulation OF
the diet viii help them. You must
have misunderstood the word you
quote. You must mean sstubercH
lin" which is sometimes used in
very minute doses as a means Of
treating tuberculosis.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

After while it may be necessary to draft some one to
run for mayor of Salem. tE
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

Fred Mulkey seems destined to breay all records as a
short-term United States senator.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

pr Carrier vii answer III signed letters pertaining to Health II your question Il
q EelErAi interest y will be answered through thsse columns, IL not it viii % an
yreeHee tor individual asses or make diagnoses Address Dr. Andrew r CzrG.
ere " ms Newspaper
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1918-03-21

Hrs. BE there any cure for
tNbercRIdT glands In the neckF I
hG0e simply heard "~tnbercule," OF
something Of that kind, mentioned.s
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

wives Jest bscux they happen TO be
wives. A. wife can go. or q HUSBAND
Theys trouble enough over there al
ready without our carryin' any more
feuds Of any sort to ada TO II. All
your flghtin' g gotta DO done this
side o. the river. Each family can
decide for itself which goes and
which stays behind"
for Mrs. Socrates. then," said Socrates.
'The rule Of my family Is the rule OF
chiyalry--la dies first."
They amt agoin' to be no reserva-
TONS" said Charon. "Hades IL q
democracy. and It's fust como. fust
served. Tho old skin holds I'VE hum
and a. thousand at = pinch, and 0onsiA-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

from bunch Of bolsheviki no
brought over day before yesterday.
and who were ordered informed BY
Apcllyon before they sprsa ED -. any e, Fl
Charon!" he added. calling loudly
through the port.
"Waal? what's eatin. tho house
committee this mornin'1' replied the
old ferryman: coming ont: g aboard; r..,.
over to tho other side on Halloween
said Sir Walter. "Is It . fact or
rumorf"
ITS q forty-dellar fact" said
Charon. Payable in advance. Boat
starts from pier thirteen. styx Nayi-
sims. ana o% rssuan. e 4!e am, tae
followin' mornin'. Any spook nlssin'
the return boat will be set to
shovelin' coal into the bottomless
pit for q thousand years"
"Why Berlin timer" demanded Ma
poleon.
..,, :ns s.s.d Gs Ss.:on ts ss1S Ds
partment's hxsd matters. SOS any
spook wantin' to play boss with
Kaiser Bill at midnight, whom them
there churchyards yawn, and graves
give up their contents, won't slip up
on II becus their watches amt
ClBnL. -
"A very wise provision" said Solo,
mon. "But how about wives,
Charon2"
Il ain't never had none," replied
Charon. 80 I amt a-worryin' none
over 'em."
HE means do you permit wives to
70 over? said Brigham Young.
"sure." replied Charon. "Why not?
'Tain't nothin' again q woman that
she's somebody's wife. IL It? We
ain't maxim q crime out OF nobodys
misfortunes."
"You mean then that I can take my
wife along with me. do your" said
Socrates.
mo. I DON'T" returned Charon. II
mean they amt no embargo on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

word ye can take it from me it will
be some picnic!" -
ut sure will" agreed Solomon. ut
looks to me as If the all highest was
in a fair way to have the dream OF
his life."
And Charon, all smiles. went out
to see the Charonia in order.
Il amt a-goin' to have no slip-up
on this little party" he said gleefuliy
as he went over the ship with mag
nifying glass, calking up leaks, pol
fishing the brasses and oiling up the
rowlocks. "And I'll get 'em all over
If have to hire Leander to swim
across with the overflow. Bills due
for the greatest liant in history"
Copyright, 1918, by Mcclure syndicate.)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

to his head. kept his stand and
smilingly repeated his invitation. The
temper bubble up like kettle on the
'Sit down. sir. I am not as old as
you seem to think. You are offensive,
STRIP
The young man flushed the red of
embarrassment. sat down and turned
his face to the window. The pas
sengers across showed closer and
made room for the oldish passenger.
AS soon as he was settled HE took the
whole car into his confidence.
"Some people are too officious.
may be little older in years, but
anybody can see that am as vigorous
as the next-and just as able to stand
as he is"
The passengers kept neutrally nom
committal and the young man made
no motion that he heard. Feeling the
lack OF proper sympathy, the oidish
man took a paper from his pocket and
sudden gust Of realization that he had
been ill-natured-he leaned across and
tapped the young man on knee
,,ts Soy y sir sir here's h my paper If you'd
The young man thanked him and
decliped.
But I want you to take it. sir.
There's frst-rate account of the
The young man refused. The old
ish man insisted. Then the young
man evened up.
II accept your apology because you
must feel pretty cheap before all these
people for insulting a man for Offer
ing you a kindness-but your paper
can go to blank"
And that oldish man will doubtless
tell you to the end of his days that
woman Is oversensitiye about her
age.
Which is one of the ways Of Adam.
X X
TWO women stared in a store win
dow. Both had weather-beate
faces and hands that showed for work,
and the woman who was talking had
the loud voice Of one used to calling
across the open:
Look at that plate, will you, only
10 cents, and I went and paid a quar-
ter for the spit image of it at the
church picnic last August"
Sudie defended the picnic with like
far-reaching voice:
you couldn't expect to buy the
same plate for no 10 cents down yon-
der. after the managers had to pay
their way up here and pick it out"
"shuh, the church paid their way
up. One thing. You don't catch me
paying no thribble price for any plate
again-not IL live to be a hundred.
Next time I 60 to a church picnic,
I'm going to pay my 50 cents for the
dinner. same as ever, because the
shote and goslin is worth It. but when
any Of them women behind them
tnk -Aa1 40
that money for a plate that isn't worth
nair moro than 10 cents, I'll up and
tell 'em know what's what. even IL I
do live in the pines. I'm no mean
woman and I want to do right by my
church. but 1t seems audacious to have
hard working woman like me pay a
quarter for a plate that's only worth
10 cents"
Especially when she finds 1t out.
IS MAMIE LANCASTER.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27
.wITH MY HEAD ON THE BLOCK.~

the block, and repeat that last pain
full episode of my life as a hint to
Wilhelm Of the fate of kings who
cannot forget their arrogance and
their PRIDE"
"Gimme two tickets. cap'n." roared
Goliath, in tones that set the House
Boat a-shivering from topmast to
keel. II guess it's up to me to take
my little friend David over to show
the all highest what happens to the
overbearing brute who mixes him.
self up with tho greatest thing on
earth. He'll have some headache in
the cold gray dawn of the morning
after I get through with him."
II don't feel any special call to go
myself" said Midas, "but I'll finance
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

erin ali I hear yVd al bstteF DO
ready to be pinche4. Anything more
We want to knowf"
"Not unless there's something else
we ought to know" said Sir Walter
Raleigh. I'VE came to you for inf0r-
nation as to term1 ana restrictions"
"Waal, I've told 70 the terms-forty
dollars in advance" said Charon. ''and
the only restrictions u that the boat
amt goin' to carry no more than she
kin without sinkin'. and that 70 gotta
go on Legitimate business"
"Ahw said Napoleon. Legitimate
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

nous act with the temple" said
Samson. TITS q crushing sort Of .
more or twice moro II necessary Just
to show Bill what happens to tho
cuss that thinks he's the strongest
man In the world. Somebody'll have
to sweep me up after it's over.
though"
'And I won't so at ALL" said Diog-
my absence tho awful fact that no.
body looks for an honest man In
his bailiwick."
II shall co." said Martin Luther.
mot. however. to indulge in horrors.
but to bring about his repentance by
moral suasion. I shall appeal to his
conscience"
Then youth stay homo, Luth." re-
torted Charon. you're q non essen.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27
y Joh

the tn, for rarquih and Benedict
Arnoid. I don't think II wit n n ams
to one high ofnciai in whose hands
the honor Of women vas q farce and
to another who found in q rank be-
trayai OF trust the climax OF his ca
reer." .,
"Waai, gents" no said, as no s1a ar.
ed for the gsngway; n xo ~ u and who
STAYS 1 gotta get busy. but IN say
fhis: # ali you fellers keeps your
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

business. Ell? Well, Just what il legiti-
mate business?"
you ought to know without askin',
Boney," replied tho old ferryman.
"that they's only one Legitimate busi-
ness in the world today and that's
lickin' the kaiser. When feller sets
out to start little hell OF his own
on earth it's up to every decent spook
In hades to help put tho snaffie onto
him. You can't go to Paris just to
lay a wreath on your own tomb. ana
Socrates can't 60 to Greece to start 9
new college SOS to provide q market
for his rapidly fallin' cirkylation, and
Hannibale can't go to Carthage to de-
liver course O. Lectures On the - s tss
and Antony and Cleopatra can't go
back Jest to recall old times strollin'
on the banks o. the Nile. This IL to be
q picnic in honor Of Bill Hohenzollern.
and its main purpose is to haunt him
t. tSae 1 geas cast r you're not game '0'
"Tm gamew said Ananias. enthusi-
astically. It'll go and have myself
struck by lightning at his bedside
three times to show him what happens
to chaps whose word is worthless:
Same here" said Capt. Kidd. II had
hoped never to 60 through it again.
but I'll join the party and have my
self hanged in chains before bilIs
eyes to show him what happens to
pirates on the high seas"
"You can count on me. top" SAID
Caesar. "rll take Brutus and Casca.
and CHINA and Cassius and all the
rest Of the willful twelve, along with
me, and let 'em puncture me with their
daggers till look like a human por-
GUS plaster to show him what happens
to overweening ambition"
I'm on" said cassius. Just Tor the
ence."
put my name down for my ia
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

tial. Bill not havin' any conscienoe g
appeal 70. How :sost you. H0nsy'
Napoleon sighed deeply.
"Yes." no replied. I'll 80. painful e
Il viii be. I'll 60 through the battle
Of waterloo once more. with All IL
agony. to demonstrate to Wilhelm
the thing that overtake: the vault
ing spirit that thinks It can sub
jugate the world by force"
Won haunt him, Boney," said Charles
The First, sadly, with my head on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

teasonable." said Sir Walter Raleigh.
ksThey Will probably permit tho reg.
hlar matrimonial ration OF one wife
a3oshr' cried Young. 'T'd rather
they forbade 'em altogether. It's not
u harmonious stunt to pick one wife
Sf forty -seven for = special atten-
tion."
"A sslsctive draft would bs about
Che only cure for your predioamsnt.
8riggy." grinned Socrates. As Tor
me I'm afraid the Aght In my family
won't BE- whether I'll be allowed to
take xantipps over 70 much as
whether or not she'll lot me 50 along
Nth herr She's quite anxious to get
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27

ON the 6tyx ~ the month Of
October drew to Q CLOSE.
khades Of all degrees Of fame. shame
ind notoriety were engaged In ami
mated discussion, ana In some cases
acrimonious disputation, over the
&umor. now conf,rmaa into i. fact that
$500, s.--..
sp.SA.s u'sps"sAS'on VI Tue so'-
9rnmsnt Of Aades certain duly ac-
!redi. .. spirits were to be allowed wed
49, Hv" ~" ~ my Use o,.o
~ tne river. ANA resume their old
3ims practice Of haunting thu living.
no you really believe Il. Boneyf"
tsksd Psricles. trembling with sx.
@itment over the prospect Of revisit
ine hts beloved Athens.
~ ~. ~.,,, 1870. s.- r,.- -
sp..i >. ny s.. "rss c Nnrcs.er xith " a.,
iisht.6 :mtis an" tSot t"st ~ 't soon n
hays esten thas n sha S%o 81 0 Boiled
~ III e.. Inaar.t H, Na vmn 10 G"muanv
~ ~ In notn nv '. rss.r~st5"ns" S''
Avs e1s asn s tsor. :" ""10
~. "o-n '''o' '- -N'I'
~. Ii,r;tsS .hirr,r- faciI,tias down
{"S '4'eo. snpvAne AS
pefe ON the Styx everyoooys eoine
to ret across, do your Not with
tonah.s whale nronounced unaea.
$500 - cs,s,... $3.50. .,,,.
WoStny, IA" Soa"lAD"s cs'@ScAs sun
snarined by = swordhsh. It's the
strange fact. Peri, but tho crop Of
9ead immortaas 10 the onay s K1no 1 OF
S svy VAL ar and. since old Pop chsron
~ 49,. M0 HHT On tnr - bss snMipm;ent
1ssnt ao1s1 = s On ~ Ha.rS heIisvs
&or x4 Snx On a" o nnns rHsh
a InSsos Sons ~ vi thA srooEs
~ aSn0we y. :" so ~ $780, ~
Sha IN Why 70 ~ Ovoa et+,,~ +bo.a
TO ~ notnins % Se nen.s ). I .WS.
WoC Se na " S0"As ~~SA ""S~'
feeSe9 samson; a.. .,, .v..
Mnass tne o.. .@e1 1n ~ 3 Nrsi1inr <
Sn0wI 0s"snuc1 S"s 49, tc,,c
SSop os y. s Ms.' ~ H.c,ehonS
WarraniSo g creaso ns" ..Sss.c. ~
" Jel.yn.n .,,s,n - :,vs~. .truS.
~ ICY LenO"S w" - ~ ~;s.r si3e
fiing 70 GET BACK 70. 20 IN" ot .rsi, s nes
&0nt knoW wncn "" ~ N,,,~. s M :
Xno msrS tnOCSnt " !"
pam i Y sne ~, nec ~, .or, ~ ouaar IN
A. xEHes. ".o ..sx r.~t VIA
shS throat' too saa s Ss2! "a H eno1.on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1918-10-27
A Halloween Picnic

back to Greece, whore somebody's
the helm"
Maybe charon can. give us some
Walter Raleigh. Hes out on the
dock now trying to collect his fare