davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
LUKE M,LUKE SAYS

A man seldom thinks seriously oi marriage until some girl has landed him and it is too late.
 There is man in every neighbor- hood who makes the neighbor women indignate and wonder if his wife is ever going to get her eyes open.
 Some girls are so prudish that they act as if 1t would be terribly improper to die and go to Heaven without a chaperon.
 A woman's vision is good enough to notice that her husband needs shave But it is seldom good enough to notice tfat she has too much paint on hel own face.
 The world is too apt to estimate q mans character by his nose and by his clothes.
 A man knows that calling anothe, man liar is mighty poor argument But he gets heap of satisfaction out of it just the same. There was time when you went tt dancing school to learn the steps But nowadays you go there to learr the holds.
 One of the most wonderful things ii the world is the loyal and unchangine fidelity with which hen will nurse an old door knob. About the time boy gets so bis that he doesn't have to explain to his mother why he was out late he gets married and has to explain to his wife We never take much stock in ths Christianity of the men who get re ligion from travelling evangelist when the local preacher couldn't make him behave. To busy man it sure seems as il boys, bankers and schoolteachers get all the holidays
 man wouldn't object to the ring ceremony when he is being married fl 1t wasn't for the three-ring accom-. paniment.
 There are all kinds of prohibitions ists, including the man who has the beer wagon drive up to his home after dark.
 There never was a mouse that could scare girl who knows that she has holes in her stockings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

Ralph D. Paine in the Saturday Evening
 Post.
 Gf1 HEN the American/ destroyers
 turned to fetching the conveys in, = meeting them far off shore in all weathers, decks swept almost rolling their tunnels under, crews hanging on by the eyelids and a cheer from the crowded deck of troopship to reward them for the toll and danger of the work.
 Or it might be a liner out of an Amer ican port. cracking on at 19 knots through the war zone, navy gun crews standing watch and watch, smoke boxes ready to be dropped overside, each passenger with a life belt prudently tucked under one arm. Among them there might be sen ator or congressman who had resolved to see the war for himself, and this was, perhaps, his first experience on salt water.
 To such pilgrims as this the navy had been remote and unfamiliar, thing wholly apart from their existence. They had listened to tales of an officer caste, brass buttoned, arrogant; of low browed bluejackets who rioted ashore and were
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

land explosions are of such frequent occurrence there is good reason to sus- pect that hired guardians are not do- ing their duty.
 < * <
 A New York veterinarian says a horse is more nutritious than a stalled OK. Still, the idea of devouring a faithful old nag is too much for people of tender sensibilties
 T. R. and Billy Sunday had tea to- gether the other day in Washington, which was a mild performance for two of the foremost scrappers in the country. A confemporarv refers to him as inc Hon" Leon Trotzky, evidently on the assumption that Trotzkys exact status has not yet been determined.
 # \: ;.
 Numbers of men drafted for the ra- tional army had never ridden on train o0Aoie' Aio"eNoi' eitt Will pe Ho HdHdi- cap in going over the top"
 * r a
 MT. Bakers statement that the Ger mans are preparing for another big of fensive is corroborated by the street cor ner strategist
 # % !.
 Kentucky undertakers have been or dered to observe 'heatless Mondays. D But is it possible to guarantee fireless funeral?
 While the colonel wants everybody to speak the truth, he will doubtless con tinue to hold his Ananias club in ie- serve
 Austria is willing to do without a foot of Russia. An attitude like that makes the Pan-Germanist fairly ache with dis gust.
 By glancing through German newspa- pers it is possible to learn a great deal about America that we never knew be- tore.
 The fact that General Wood was slightly wounded in France is pretty good evidence that he is no longer in Amer ioa.
 # * * A e00-pound shark was sold In Boston for 20 cents a pound Shark and beans" may taste better than 1t sounds # # * Come to California is an invitation hard to resist, but after figuring on the railroad fare, most of us do resist. # # # And this is going to be lean year for the railroad lobbyist. who is persona non grata to Director McAdoo. # # # when asked if she was married. That let the cat out of the bag.
 ss T #
 How are we to know if the orchestra is playing China's new national anthem or merely tuning up?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
High Pressure sale,manship

If there was ever any doubt that Crawford Johnson is a heaven-b born sales.ran," said J. w. Donnellv state paien in Alabama, "it has besn dissi- pateG, for Monday he went up in a certain dentists office and while wait ing his turn, sold the office boy lot of thrift stamps and befor, he would open his mouth to let his aching tooth be treated, he had made the dentist sign up fos bunch of baby bonds.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
Barbour County Prosperous

q am just from the state of Bar bour," said Harry Shorter, one time secretary of state
 "A few days ago I went out to the old Shorter place in the country in company with my sister Alice (Mrs. W. D. Jelks). I carried my dog and gun and she tramped over the fields with ne. I had fine shooting and went home with a good bag of par tridges.
 Barbour county is very prosperous. Recently a negro went into a local garage and, after looking at a fine touring car, wrote out bis check for S1710N and drove it home. The farmers are in fine shape"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
Dynamite Ice from Tracks

T had letter recently from my brother who is at the coal mines of Nortonville, Ky" said M. B Laner, "and he stated that there was still a foot of snow on the ground and that the ice had frozen over the side tracks so aard that it was impossible to pick it away and that they had to resort to dynamite to clear the right of way.
 "I thought we had had enough trou- ble in mining coal in Alabama, but it seems that he has been up againt the real thing in the way of winter weather"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
Birds ROb POrkers

"A man living near me, said II. J. Inzer of Springville, 'complains that he really finds it hard to feed his hogs in the fields on account of tha great droves of doves and blackbirds that eat more than their share of :he corn which he throws out for his porkers.
 q would ask some of my friends to come up and hunt, but the fields since the thaw are so soggy that hunting is almost out of the ques.icn."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
Idea of Real Service

Nothing pleases man more than to be able to see the morning paper as soon as he awakes," said John P. Col pcys, commissioner of conciliation of the United States department of labor "Onee before was brought face to face with this agreeable surprise, and now l find that one of the enterprisng hotel men of this city is giving the same service by giv- ing each guest a complimentary copy of the paper every morning.
 This is my idea of real service; cer- tainly it is boon to the traveller, and is an act that will ever remain in his memory. There is nothing that will make stranger feel more at home in town in a short space of time than by reading a local paper before exploring the city. Many times they need articles that will be brought to their attention by the ad- vertsements, and in that manner the pa- per renders service both to the local merchants and the travelling public"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
uPmoLpING TRADITIONS
From the New York World.

From the New York World.
 The Condor at Alexandria won for it. self place in history and for the young officer who is now Lord Beresford. There is room in the story of this vaster war for the destroyer Lizard, which engaged the Goeben and Bresau at distance, signalled for help and wove her smoke screen about the stricken monitors. A gallant action in the good old style!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
NEAR-PATRIOTs

From the Houston Post.
 If our observation is not at fault, there are great many people in this country who think patriotism and winning the war consist of standing every time the orchestra at the theatre strikes up "Star-Spangled Banner.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
AN EARLY SYMPTOM

From the Baltimore American.
 A British officer in this country says that Germans are showing the yellow streak. They did that, when they tried frightfulness on small and helpless nation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
s3saNtt
SPEAKING OF EAsY-MARKs

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 It is stated that Russian soldiers have traded the Germans a perfectly good machine gun for pack of cards. A South Sea islander would seem .o be person of rare intelligence com pared to these simple Slavs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

, brooks, which rippled among the pas days he had been wont to dwell. This is the pearl of psalms, whose soft and
 pure radiance delights all; pearl of
 which Helicon need not be ashamed, though Jordan claims it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord, would speak with Thee about my body. It is Thy body. I give 1t to Thee. If 1t is not the best pos- sible body. I pray Thee so to inform it with Thy presence that it shall become such. Stretch it and send Thy currents through 1t. Use it. 1t is Thfnes Amen.-H. NJ. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Ned Brace Article

"t was greatly impressed with the article of Ned Brace in Sundays Age Herald" said Arthur Crowder. presi- dert of the Birmingham Chamber of Commerce.
 While I am in favor of a full and free discussion of the ratification of the national prohibition amendment, I do not believe we ought to have a long drawn-out and acrimonious campaign.
 Tt seems to me that in these war times the less bitterness that is. in 1ected into state politics the better it will be, as Alabamians are getting to- gether in so many ways to help win the war. It seems to me a short and sharp campaign is the thing"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
STRONG FOR SCRIPTURE

From the Atlanta Journal.
 The Georgian who bet $500O on the war ending in 60 days on the strength of a passage from Revelations could never be accused of being an agnostic.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
AN INDUsTRIAL MENACE

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
 The closing down of the laundries for five days would be serious blow to the button industry.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

If just when all the world seems fair And every prospect is beguilng, The Realtors, with fell intent, Declare they're forced to raise my rent?
 MUST PRODUCE. Are you stil thinking of buying 8 farm?"
 NO" replied the city man. T don't feel equal to the responsibility" Why not?"
 My idea was to settle down on a farm and lead life of ease. I don't want to put myself in a position where I will be looked on as stacker if l don't work from early morn till late at night"
 CERTAINLY NOT. whats the trouble here?'' "A shoplifter has been arrested in help-yourself store
 But aren't you supposed to help your self2"
 "Yes, but you are not supposed to ig- nore the cashier when you go out"
 SAFE.
 q understand MT. Grabcoin, the eni- nent capitalist is visiting the little town where he was born.''
 Do you think he will be able to get away without donating library, or something of that sort?" "Oh,, yes. He's there for the purpose of urging the natives to buy war stamps He won't give them a chance to ask him for anything" PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
MEMBER OF THE FAMILY.

CAUTIOUS MAN.
 You must stand in front of an open window every morning and take deep breaths."
 T can't do that, doctor" "Why not?' Il have only one window in my room. That faces the apartment of an old maid. I don't want her to get the idea that I'm trying to start something"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
WHAT'S THE USE ?

What doth it profit me to wear
 A joyous mien and go round smiling. If just when all the world seems fair
 And every prospect is beguiling, The Realtors, with fell intent, Declare they're forced to raise my rent;
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
SMOOTH WORK.

SMOOTH WORK. There goes chap who started on a shoestring and now he's independently rich
 He must be a man of great business ability"
 Not particularly. He married money. The dainty boot of an heiress came un- laced one day and he was Johnny-on- Spot
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

TELEPHONE
 He'll (prfvate exchange connecting hll departmentsb Main 490O.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
BRIEF ROMANCE.

BRIEF ROMANCE. A millionaire, working lass Who's very poor, but pretty Upon the street one day they pass This happens in a city. The millionaire is smitten quite, The maiden's love is phony; They marry on acquaintance slight Divorce and alimony.
 MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. Mora, we expect you to stay with us permanently"
 Wis, num-"
 You have no family connections, I be- lieve?"
 No, mum. None but you and the master"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

New Jersey learned that the scholar and gentleman was able not only to hold his own with the masters of big business, but that he could best the practical poli and were willing to sell out their own party to keep in office. He learned the selfishness of the great trusts and the venality of their servants who repre- sented them in the legislature and in the halls of Congress.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

iS d ilidIl tlllOllS lleH, tildt le IS no nuT- row grammarian. mere spinner of fine phrases, though he is happy phrase maker; but he is man with a vision, broad and accurate, and In his place of vantage occupies a discriminating out look upon the great war as the drama of democracy is being staged on the blood-red battlefields of Europe-as the great democratic nations fight to pre- serve the nationalities of the lesser ones and save them from the cruel talons of the Imperial Eagles of Germany, now turned into vultures, fattening upon the corpses of Belgium, Poland and Serbia
 
 In the past men with the weight of the worlds betterment and redemption upon their shoulders have found it necessary to withdraw from society for period but it seems that our faithful and over worked chief is stayng on the job and focusing his great will to the driving of every ounce of the governments strength to win the war. When I think of him and his task it shames me to think that my life is so free and my burden so light, and so send up my prayer to the Great Teacher, that He will sustain and guide Americas 'schoolmaster'' while he strives to teach us the lesson that every thing in this world worth having has cost blood and that unless we who re- mair at home are willing to sacrifice cur time. our means. and our business if heed be, the blood of our own sons will be upon our hands, if we fail to give them food and clothing and munitions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-01-29

If there is a state in the union where a man must be wise to the political game, it is that same New Jersey. It is the breeding ground and matching place of the great corporate interests whose ends of the land. It's statesmen were past masters in the art of intrigue. He got tc measure his strength in the cols of the octopus and met face to face the political boodlers.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18
MARINE CAMP HAS
BIG PIG RANCH
Bunch Of Rockies Started 1t
By Buying ALT
ter.

Especial Dispatch to West virginian)
PARIS ISLAND. S. c., March IS
Probably no cantonment in the coun-
Try IS conserving more food than is
that OF the United States Marines
here, through the raising Of pigs.
The movement started some months
ago when several rockies" purchased
a litter Of pigs from a Georgia farmer.
Since then others have followed suit
until the pig has grown into promi-
hence as we'll as popularity through
out the entire camp.
Besides conserving food and fur
nishing the Marines With splendid
feasts. the pigs consume all table
scraps and garbage, thus saving much
disagreeable labor. At present the
island ranch boasts OF about 1000
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18
Lenten Program For
Grace Lutheran

Special Lenten services will be held
in Grace Lutheran church beginning
next Sunday and continuing every
evening. except Saturday, until East
e- day.
Next Sundsy-Palm sunday-con-
firmation and baptism will be observ-
ed at the morning service at 1880
O'Clock AT that time the new mem
bers will be received It Will mark
the close OF the recent membership
drive, which the congregation put
forth. In the evening at $50 O'Clock
the pastor. Rev. H. o. Reynolds. will
preach his sermon on an appropriate
theme. These services will be held
during Holy week: 7:45 p. M. Mon
day-Sermon. Faith" Tuesday. Ser
mon, "Bequest;" Wednesday, Sermon,
ITO the Thirsty" THURSDAY. Sermon,
Meaning of Christ's DEATH" Friday.
Sermon. Getting Ready for Jesus"
CServices Preparatory to the Holy
Communion:) Easter Sunday 1920
a. M, Sermon. 1.-The Dawn of a New
Day." reception Of new members and
Holy Communion: 1880. Eatser exer-
cises by the Sunday School.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18
REAL ESTATE SlLB
UNDER THE HAMMER
Attorney Charles Powell
D1sposes of z Parcels as
Commissioner.

Rsgn. fair prices were secured for
real estate when parcels were offered
on the steps Of the court house late
saturday afternoon. Attorney Charles
Powell. special commissioner, sold
seven different parcels OF ground, this
having been the largest sale Of the
day. Two paEceis OF property were
Withdrawn for lack OF sufficient BIDS
The parcels sold by Attorney Charles
Powell for Charles W. HayhursL guar
dian and other defendants: Tract OK
50 acres and ~ rods lying along the
waters OF White Day creek IN this
county. TO H. B, Meredith for $l,S6Os
tract OF 40 acres along the waters OK
the White Day creek, known as the
Randolph Bunner property, and tract
OF p OScres and 81 poles along the
waters of White Day creek and ad1oln-
ing the lands Of Joseph Sapp, were SOLO
Jointly to Jacob Rogers for $73S; an
undivided one-half interest in tract
of So acres and As poles situated IN
Wipfteld district. adjoining the lands
OF Enoch Vincent's heirs. Camel Coal
company and others, to Fred VanG1l-
der for $3.50; ali of the coal within and
underlying a tract OF 127-160 acres, TO
T. w. Hayhurst, for $40: an unotVloeo
one-halS OF the undivided interest IN a
certain tract OF land in Winfield dis
trict, known as the David Carpenter
land. and an undivided interest in coal
in and under farm on the Martha
Carpenter trac: lying along the waters
of Piney run, this county. which were
sold jointly to J. W. VanGitder for
$11O-
Attorneys Kemple White and E. Carl
Frame, special commissioners, late Sat
urday afternoon sold the Bailey prop
erty on Benoui avenue. near Eighth
street, TO Attorney Paul G. Armstrong
for So, $50. There was some spirited
bidding on this property. which contin-
ued until the final whack OF the ham
mer
Attorney Ross 4. Watts, special com
missioner, tor the Valentine estate, on
Saturday afternoon offered two lots on
the Country Club road, near Edge
mont, embracing almost a third Of an
acre, was withdrawn at $1,000. Two
lots, Nos. 3 and 4. containing LIS acres
and is OF an acre. respectively, were
withdrawn at $1,000. These properties
were withdrawn for lack Of bids and
they will be offered again at the same
place next Saturday afternoon at =
O'Clock
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18
ANERIGANISM TO Be
THE CONGRESS TEST
This Year the Election is
Going to be Different
Says Cochran.
By N. D. COCHRAN.

WASHINGTON. March 1S.-This l.,
the year when Congressman have to
face the folks back home. Member
OF the House are used to it. They do
il every TWO years.
Generally there is no trouble finding
something for Democrats and Repub-
licans to scrap about. This year it's
different
In19I6 Democrats ambled into pow
er because Wilson kept US out OF the
war In 1918 they hope to win 4 ma
joriiy of the House because of thu
graceful manner in which we got INTO
the war and because the people gen
orally have confidence in President
Wilson.
That IS. the Democrats. or many OF
them. hope 10 some sailing back by
hanging on to the Presidents coat
tails.
That looks easy for Democrats, but
how about Republicans?
Chairman Hays apparently got the
Teddies and the Old Guard together
and has been teaching them harmony
in Washington. New York and Chi
cago But they need something more
than party harmony. They need an
issue. Evidently that's what Hays is
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18

I,unffne for ana hasn't found-
The ONLY issue now s. the var
You can divide the people tnto
Americans ana Pro Germans, OF 9ae
lists. But not into Republicans and
Democrats A true American Whiie
the war IS on Is something bigger
than 4 DSmocrat or Republican
Nobodys going to get excited about
the tariff. That's something we can
fight about after We have won the
Government ownership can't be
made 3 party issue. because in botn
parties there are senator's and con-
2ressmen who are for Il and others
Who are against Il
Universal military training stacks
up about the same way. Public opin'
ion doesn't split along party lines.
Republicans can't make FEesioens
Wilson'S conduct OF the war \ party
issue. It would split the Republican
party wide open.
An issue that Is worth votes must
be- one that WIN stir up the folks back
home. And Just now they eart see
anything lezs than patriotic AmeF1-
Theyu stand for constr1cttve cTits-
c1SFa OF any part OL Liz a0IA4AAAN'S
But they won't warm up to 3 knock
During the big Liberty Loan. Red
Cross and War Savings campaigns
thev have learned 20 work togetner
as AMERICANS. It will take q
mighty big issue to make them 1all
apart as petty parttsans
No patriotic supporter Of the PFesl-
dent In congress win be defeated be-
cause he happens to be Republican,
and no knocking pacifist or eneak1ng
pro-German will be elected because
he happens TO be a Democrat.
II makes no difference what plans
partv politicians may lay THEY
don't make campaign issues. Issues
mat count depend upon what's going
on in the minds of the patriotic Amer
lean men and women back home
The wise congressman up Tor re-
election will strive for the confidence
and support OF the folks back home
az a patriot, and not as a partisan.
Boosters Will get more votes than
knockers, Patriots more than Copper
Now is a good time for pessimists.
pacifists and piffling partisans TO go
way back and sit down.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1918-03-18
Children Cry
FOR FLETCHER'S -
ca . TO RIA
GAVE HER
DELICATE Child
VINOL
It Built Him Up and Made
Him Strong.

Newaygo. Ndich.-"My little boy was
IN delicate. weak, emaciated coudi-
ton and had a cough 50 We had to
keep him out Of school for a year.
Nothing seemed to help him until vi
mol was recommended, and the change
It mado IN him was remarkable. 1t
has built him up and made him strong
so his cough is almost entire gone.
We can not recommend Vinol too high
ly."-Mrs. e. N. Hamlon.
Mothers OF weak. delicate. aIling
children are asked to try this famous
cod liver and Iron tonic on our guar
antee. Children love to takeit.
Cranes drug store, Fairmont- Vinol
IS sold in Warrington by the Prescrip-
ton Pharmacy and at the best drug
store in every town and City in the
country