The daily Gate City and constitution-Democrat. (Keokuk, Iowa) 1916-1922, 1918-09-24
BY Matthew Hamilton,

BY Matthew Hamilton. of the
Stockton, Calf, Record:
Dear Papa-With mingled feel
ings l advise you that l have won
another glorious victory, and am now
twenty-five miles distant from where
I started and still gaining on Berlin.
You can tell our people at home that
we now have 10000 more men be-
hind the lines in France than ever
before. They are digging in like
fury. For your personal ear l regret
to say they are captives, however.
They are digging in, yes. but with
hoe and rake for the depraved French
farmers and with pick and shovel
for the pig-dogs Of English. building
roads. Verdamit! Still, let's be philo-
sophical about it, and remember that
their absence means more food for
the rest of us. Think of the hardship
it will be to our enemies to feed
tites and eat UP all the food and
starve our foes into submission. That
would be wonderful piece of strate-
gy! The more / think of the idea
the better l am pleased with myself
for thinking it up all out of my own
head. It Is wonderful to be brilliant
like that. May send some more to
help reduce our enemies the quicker.
1t is very unhealthy here in north
ern France. In fact. papa, it is no
place for our German soldiers. So
we are leaving Let the pig-dogs of
English and the devi-dogs of Ameri-
cans stay here and take anything
that happens. That Is their habit.
They take everything from US poor
Germans that they can. Hope they
get the good old German measles.
Besides, our secret service system
has just discovered that the Ameri-
cans started this war. Perfidious!
Uncle Nickie or Uncle George or
that bloodthirsty nation, Belgium.
Il am mad at Albrecht. Told him
to lend me some of his crack re-
serves. He sent back word, Get
your own cannon fodder. Besides,
my reserves are all cracked, any
way"
Yesterday regiment Of the Prus-
sian guards made an important cap
ture They took two aged blind men
and an old woman with rheumatism
in a brilliant charge on the village
Pile de Debris. Also took some
stores In the shape of couple of
stout sticks and little guide dog
from the blind men and bottle of
pain killer from the old woman. To
night our brave fellows will have the
dog served in stew as reward.
They deserve it.
"a great air victory, papa! Tell
them to hang out the flags and de-
clare holiday for the school chill
dren in Berlin-if there are any we
haven't impressed into our ever
victorious army. Our flying squadron
has returned, having dropped ton
of dynamite in the dark on a large
new camp. killing. several thousand
soldiers. Great work! A runner has
just come in and says the news is
not so good, since it has been learned
they were all Germans who had been
taken prisoners. Well, too bad. Lets
be philosophical about it. We Ger
mans are always philosophical In
the first place they had no business
to be there. Anyhow, we had to kill
somebody. Besides, it was good tar
get practice for our ever-so-brave
airmeu.
II heard Ferdinand of Bulgaria is
going insane. When he is quite in
sane send him over here for the front
line. We need lots of lunatics in the
advanced trenches-the crazfer the
better. Lots Of our men are crazy
now They are talking about peace
among themselves. Proves they are
crazy, doesn't it, papa? When they
become too violent about 1t l have
them shot or send them to charge
those nasty Americans. They do not
return. Verdamit!
Speaking of Americans, papa, they
are unbearable. We cannot remain
in the same neighborhood with them.