The Washington herald., 1918-01-01


Ahssxed nah wife who used all de
not water. She cussed me en- thowed
the kittie at me tru de transon."
Gee, but dat man kin lie, jedge,
spoke up Annie Cameron, who hail
ed her hubby. Thomas. into court for
putting a bump on her head. Dat
man only takes a bath onct a month.
He amt been near de tub since
Thanksgiving"
No matter how Annie got the bump,
1t certainly was a beauty. 1t looked
as big and nice as though the doctor
had actually ordered it.
Thomas swore he knew nothing
about 1t. Annie said that she got one
Of these little ornaments about once a
week. II she didn't get one it was be-
cause Thomas was sick or absent.
Nevertheless she was reluctant to see
her meal ticket go to Jail. Yet she
did want some assurance that she
would not be decorated again right
away.
The court settled it all by fining
Thomas So Annie took him out by
the arm.
Music Hath Charms.
One night Charlie Anderson called
on his girl. For some little time he
had understood that an engagement
ring would not be amiss.
He had been in the parlor only ten
minutes when in came Joe Tibbs.
Immediately little imps of gloom be-
gan to dance around Charlie.
Joe can make a piano talk. There
fore, to get him out of the way as
much as possible. Charlie "sicked"
him on the helpless instrument.
All, the poor fellow didn't figure
that the girl would be entranced by
rapturous music from Joe's nimble
fingers.
Very soon Joe was hogging the at
tentions of the girl. She completely
forgot about Charlie.
AS Joe was striking the first chords
of Where Do We Go from Here,
Boys?' Charlie got up and paced
about like a lame cat.
Without a word of warning he sud
denly came down over Joe's bullet
shaped hes with a chair.
In less tirrl" than 1t takes to tell 1t
the court fined him $40 and advised
him to take a cure for his Jealousy.
A Bad One.
As long as he lives Harry Green
will be suspicious of people who have
bad table manners.
His stepdaughter, Jessie, invited
her beau to dinner last Friday even
ing. Harry welcomed him as one
of the family.
When he said grace, Harry noticed
that Elmer Stone, Jessie's beau, was
snickering and making peculiar mo-
tions with his hands under the table
cloth.
The man even volunteered to help
wash the dishes. 1t was with diff
Guilty that he was kept out of the
kitchen.
1t wasn't very long before Harry
was very nervous. All on account of
Elmer's peculiar actions. Elmer had
eaten with his knife, reached all the
way across the table and did other
impolite things.
After dinner Jessie took him to the
movies. Harry agreed with his wife
that 1t was good riddance.
As she was putting her silver
away, she missed about half of it.
She didn't think of Elmer until Jes-
sic came home,
After short talk with her, they
had him arrested. The court sent
him down for 30 days, despite the
pleadings of Jessie.
Ouch, My Head!
Pete Garlic and yiscondini Stafano
were working on the same Job.
Neither knew who was the boss, ap-
parently.
One day 1t occurred to viscondini
that IL Pete wanted to know who was
boss, he might start something and
find out.
Pete did. He moved some steel bars
around. Viscondini disapproved. Pete
argued.
And the first thing he knew one
of the iron bars came down over his
head. And his head, being softer
than the bar, Pete had to run.
Viscondini was right on his heels.
Several times the bar came down over
Pete's head. He hoilered II gotta
nun"
But viscondini wouldn't stop.
Some Of the other boys on the job
had to save Pete's life.
In court viscondini said that it
was Pete had the bar. But the court
couldn't see where Pete would have
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