Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1918-11-29
HIS COSTLY DERBY
abundant Reasons Why Owner
CIingS to HeadpIeOe.
Merely as an investment It Must be
Conceded as Deserving Care, and
10 Worthy Of Respect as
Thing Of Value.

II Is only n plain derby, beginning
To have the permanent dus,Incss Of Il
peach, In spite Of frequent trips 10 the
hat specialist for rehabilitation, II
has no claim whatever 10 any lndiyid.
ualism, outside Of the Initials, which
Nre inside and don't show anyway, II
does not do me Justice either And
AZ any angle | place II, II gives me Il
topheavy appearance,
SO why do ] cling 10 ~ Why1
Because anything that costs rs much
money ms that derby, deserves not only
care as an investment, hut respect ms
q thing Of value. People don't laugh
n the Kohnoor diamond do they2
They never poke fun NJ the Great
Ruby7 Then why should they be
amused at my derby1
II cost a great deal Of money, The
first time / bought II, mean when I
selected II In the hat shop and paid for
II, supposlng that II was wholly mine,
the price was four dollars, The pay'
ing over Of four Of my dollars to the
hat man gave me, NJ least 10 my sim
pie, one-track mind, sole right and H.
tie against all pretenders until the end
of the world But only a simple mind
could believe thing like that,
Alas like many other things in this
surprising world, II was not my derby,
II never has been and probably never
will be. For have been buying II
ever since the first sale In the shop,
almost IKE one does on the inStnlmcnt
plan. Only the ins'nlment plan entails
a set expenditure each week or month I;
you know Just what II is going TO be
and can be prepared for II.
But when you get your derby from
n hat hoy or hat girl in hotel, restau-
rant, theater or wherever the grafters
are permitted, you do not know what
n will cost you, II all depends on the
hauteur Of the hat hoy or girl In
charge. Some Of them have the APP
pearnnce that anything rendered less
than fifty cents would he faux pas be-
yond thought. Then the surroundings
play such an important part in gaug-
ing the amount Of blood money, or hat
money, Just Ns you desire to designate
II. A mass Of towering palms, much
marble and occasional rugs means a
ransom. Less marble and only one or
two palms mean less indemnity. And
simple mahogany and no palm mean
ten cents.
why do men ever select such n
piece of headgonr in the first placer
] know why they hang onto 1t after
they get il, hut what can be the rea-
son for wanting one in the hegInning2
They are not beautiful on or off the
head. They are hard to keep clean.
Also they dent very easily and grow
shabby without an effort. II IS mys-
terry.
There is no sentiment in my case
toward my derby. ] respect 1t, the
same as ! respect anything that costs
a lot of money hut I don't love 1t. l
don't gaze at It with the tenderness
! bestow on my tulip bed, nor do look
Of II with the fondness which my old
brlar pipe inspires, These I would
rot part with.
But anyone who will advance to me
one-tenth the sum which | have paid
out may become the owner Of one
black derby, trlfie fuzzy perhaps, but
still capable of exciting the envious
eyes of hat boys and hat glrls.-Harry
Irving Shumway, in Judge.