Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-07-01

what has happened, but I wish to see how
near right you may be. Commenced"
Hertlng looked rather groggy. "Your
| Majesty will forgive me-" he said, "if 1
seem little uncertain. l have caught cold
| from wearing paper waistcoast and a
constant diet of turnips. I find"
"Simpleton!" shouted the Kaiser. Our
! good old German turnips are nourishing
| enough for civilians. Continue"
Sire, as l understand it. Lenine and
I Trotsky have had to flee from Moscow and
are surf bathing at Murman while waiting
for one'of our U-boats to call for them"
| Surf bathing or serf bathing?" said the
| Kaiser, who must have his Joke All the
table roared and the All-Highest was so
delighted that he forgot all about Russia.
"NJoW, Ludy," said Wilhelm, at is your
| turn. Tell me what we can do to
| celebrate the Fourth of July. Tirpitz wires
| me That there are no American women
and children on the sea now, so we cannot
hope for any U-boat successes"
| "An-Highest" said Ludendorff II have
become convinced that the Americans are
enthusiastic Germans at heart. From all
| quarters where their troops are engaged
| l hear OF their eagerness to get into Ger
| man territory. Apparently they are not
| satisfied with France. Their sole ambition
| is to press on, to become more familiar
| with the great German institutions to
| tread upon German soil. The secret of
| military success, Highness, is to keep the
enemy in good humor. Therefore sug.
gest that we allow them to make a little
| gain on July Fourth, just because 1t will
please them So The nearer they come to
Germany the more they will be convinced
of the beauty and serenity of our land
scape. You yourself. Sire. have pointed
out how much fairer our country is than
France. France is a land of shattered
villages, of blood and flame and wreckaee
and nasty bitches dug In slime But in the
Fatherland we have quiet beauty and
placid fields of turnips"
| Hertling shuddered.
ct HAD not thought of it in that way."
said Wilhelm. "Now that you men.
ton it, the American eagerness to become
better acquainted with Germany is a touch.
ing thing. By all means let them gain a
little il it will please them"
And now." he added, "you must excuse
me. My little class in architecture meets
this morning. l am giving them some in
| structions on the restoration of Gothic
| cathedrals. Rosner. you will let me look
over your notes before you transmit them.
| Good morning"
| TNHE others looked at each other sadly
1T is all very WELL" said Hertling 'for
Wilhelm to say that turnips are noursh-
| ing but he doesn't have to eat them. Also
| Geheimrat Woodrow Wilson will utter an
other speech on July Fourth and / shall
| be expected to reply to it. I'm sure 1
don't know what / shall say. hate those
speeches Of Wilson; there seems no proper
| repartee to them"
| Hindy was examining his clinical ther-
mometer. "One hundred and three" he
said dolefully. 81 ought not to be going
about this way am sick man. wish
could have some easier job, like com.
mander of the Black Sea fleet"
Look here" said Ludy There is one
perfectly bully way for us to get to Paris
by August. And they say that the French
give their prisoners three square meals
| day"
What do you mean?" said Rosner.
Simple enough" said Ludy. Lets all
gS1eut and get captured"
IL -.