davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun., 1918-09-22
Daddy Gives Timely Advice to Parents

brand new 800 bond And when the
proper time come, l started homewards
bound and John met me at the door with
his Well daddy and etc. and it was des-
perate case where l false move meant
panic. But always at my best in a crisis,
I dipped into that pocket and brought out
that Liberty Bond and said "This." And
you can believe it or not, but it went over
bigger than anything I had ever broughten
him.
Well, You don't usually half to whip
him to the supper table, but this night
all the men and women in the ward under
10 yrs. old had to be showed that bond
before he would eat And when he went
to bed, so did Mr. Bond, with a pillow
over it to keep it warm.
Well, to make a short story out of it,
the bond is living in MIR. Johns desk, but
it comes out at least once day for an
airing And Mr.. John has promised 70
let me take it and put it away for HIM
as soon as l get him another to look ut in
his idle moments. So I've got to buy
him another in the Fourth Liberty Loan.
As for interest day, he's looking forwards
to it like it was Xmas or something and
his int is going for thrift stamps to stick
on his card.
So all and all, it looks to me like other
parents that was up VS.. it like l was
wouldn't make no mistake if they done
what done. And it amt throwing the
dough away, you know, because when the
principal of these here bonds comes duo
CUR VI. olds won't be no 6 VT. ODDS n"
more but they will be where they can use
500 or = and if they amt got it them
self, they are comeing to their old man
for it. But if they have got it, so much
less wear and tear on the old man.
And you ought to see the way he loves
that bond. I wished l was ii. Respy.
R. W. l..
The sun., 1918-09-22
Continued from Preceding Page


for some of them wise birds and oh boy
if they would only come on over they
would be something doing in Franse IN
the good old summer time.
Out from where our little bombing post
is Barney there is an old trensh running
out kind of side ways into nomans land
that they used to use year or SO ago but
that they amt using any more. Well me
and Steve got to thinking about how easy
it would be for couple Of Germins to
come rambling up this trensh and lay for
us so we fixed up our big SCENE. Of corse
YOU know who used the real brane power
Barney but | say me and Steve becaus
he is a good fello and it amt his fault if
he amt maturity as bright as some others IS.
Well in the first place we found some
wire and we fixed up little of it right
across the bottom of the trench about six
inches above the old duck board so that
anybcdy coming along there would be
sure TO hit it with his foot. Then we run
some more wire on ahead little ways
across TIE trensb and made this about a
foot high so that if he fell or tripped or
the first that he would be sure to strike
the second wire, and then on this second
wire We hung lot of empty jam tins and
an old bell and lot of junk we found so
tina. when Mr.. hum hit this wire all then,
empty cans and things would make 4
noise like the Singer building falling on
a. tin roof. Well of corse that would tip
us off and then we would just kind of lob
over few hand grenades and then pretty
soon we would go on in there and sweep
up this hum with a broom and a dust
pan.
We just fixed the thing up little while
ago Barney and tonight we are hoping
that about ten of them hunns will come
or over and pay us visit and if me and
Steve don't get couple of Crow dey Gers
out of it then | CUES there will be some
thing crooked about this medal bushes.
Well SO long Barney,
Yours for couple of hunns,
BESNIE
The sun., 1918-09-22
Young John, Six Years Old, Helps the New
Liberty Loan When He Suggests
the Need of Gift

ever said was Daddy what did you bring
mef
Well, when l didn't have nothing for
him his face would fall and somebody
would half to pick it up, but l couldn't
bring him something every time l come
because even if it wasn't only transfer
the wear and tear of remembering it every
night was bound to get a man in time and
if | just offered him the evening paper
it meantI would half to turn to the COM
zeal pictures and explain them all out and
without knocking no cartoonist, the man
that tries TO explain some of them to a
six-year-old has got bigger job of ex-
planning on their hands than the poor
bird that had to write the official German
communicates.
Well, they wasn't nothing that would do
for a every day diet you might say, so
finely kind of established the custom of
getting him something pretty nice once
in while and then telling him to not ex-
pect nothing more for long time, and
that worked pretty good, only the some
thing nice was generally always Simon
poor wreckage after a few days treat,
ment, or if it was book, he had to have
it read to him every evening till he got
another and it didn't seem to make no
difference to him how often You read him
the same story over and over again, but
it did make difference to the dear reader
and many's the time 1 wished this here
Thornton Burgess was a truck driver or
something.
Well, along this summer left the house
! morning like usual and when | and
John parted he says Daddy you haven't
brought me anything for long time and
you have got to bring me something nice
to-day" So | said "All right and then
l went down town and got haircut and
afterwards | couldn't remember nothing
The sun., 1918-09-22
From RING w. LARDNER.
HOME, Sept. q. 1918.

t~ HOME, Sept. q, 1918.
T AIDES AND GENTS: Well, ladies
l. and gents, suppose they's few
of you that never even heard of my son
John and / could fill a seed catalogue
with the funny ones he has pulled like l
day lie said Daddy (he calls me daddy
on acct. of being his daddy they's bee
il Niles, Michigan, that lays currant
jelly" But l suppose yOu don't think
that's as funny as some of the ones your
John has pulled, so they's no use re-
peating a whole lot more Of them. Blu.
any way we named him John on acct of
my name inciteing people to make up
puns about it and many's the time have
pretty near strangled to death trying to
laugh at the gags people pulled about my
name and they probably didn't figure4that
l had heard them all as often as the one
about the I'd lieut.. or somebody that made
the private salute him q 100 times or
something and etc.
But any way John is yrs. old and
you wouldn't never believe it TO look at
him on acct. of being so big and smart
and you would guess him at 8 or some
thing and in that respects he takes after
his father because they's lots Of people
that's just met me and they are trying
to make up conversations or something
and they generally always ask me if felt
nervous at Chickamauga, where as the
facts is that when Goodbye Dolly Gray
come out was still singing soprano yet.
Well, on acct. of the merchants trying
to start up a correspondence with me the
1 of every mo-, l half to work and l
can't do it home because they's so many
places to lay down, so l leave home about
once per day and come back home pretty
near as often, and when l open up the
front door or however / come into the
house, John comes running to meet me
and for a vile / figured it was on acct.
of he bling crazy about me, but l finely
realized that he didn't never offer no
/ caresses or honey words, but all as he
The sun., 1918-09-22

only a few extracts from the BARRIERS
monologue so forgot all about John but
l happened to be looking through my
desk for the typewriter and come acrost
a card that had layed there since May
and it said on it that I could present the
card at the bank and get 500 Liberty
bond for it, because here is how it hap
pened.
This day in May it SENS like I had just
got paid and was eating lunch and / had
$40 dollars in my close outside of my pay
envelope and vile 1 was eating bird
come up that 1 hadn't saw him for
couple yrs. and the last time seen him l
was in a doze and lent him $50, and any
way he come up and says here is that $40
and you could Of knocked me over with
a coupling pin, but any way there / set
with 500 on me besides some chickens
feed and they was beautiful gal in the
place that must of suspected as much and
LIST thing knew she was standing there
by the table asking me would like to
subscribe to Liberty Bond.
Well, if that gal asked you to subscribe
for the palsy they wasn't no way of say
ing no, says | says yes and she says how
much and | says 500 and she says how
did l want TO pay for it and they was
some waters in hearing so | says Cash
and she swooned amidst the debrie but she
come to before I left and the papers was
signed.
Well, as | say, layed the card in the
desk and this day along in the summer l
come acrost it and took it down to the
bank and sure enough they give Inc
The sun., 1918-09-22
Continued from .Sirh Poge.)

right home to bread and butter and fue!
and the cost of living.
The first gasless Sunday was pretty
well observed in the city, but not. SO well
in the country, where cheap flivvers have
largely taken the place of driving horses.
Besides, the farmers hadn't quite realized
how the thing hit them right in the pocket
nerve That is, they didn't realize it till
the second Sunday, when gasless highways
were as motorless as in the cities, and
to the farmer it all hinged on the ques-
ton, Was gasolene a luxury
The tax proposed is cents gallon.
Now in theory that worked out such a
slight burden as not TO be felt. Five gal
Ions of gasolene will cut twenty TO thirty
cords of wood in day, or between 81 LAO
and $50 of gasolene power would save
some $50 of man power, reckoning the
wood chopper at So day and a cord split
day This instance disposes of the ques-
ton whether gasolene is a necessity or
luxury, and it seems to prove that tax
of cents a gallon or 10 cents on twenty
or thirty cords of wood was 50 slight as
hardly to be felt
But wait! Wood is only one example.
1t cuts deeper.
Gasofene is the almost universal small
farm engine fuel. In theory, if it took ten
gallons of gasolene TO thresh so many
hundred bushels, a 20 cent increase in
taxes seemed so small as not to be felt,
In anticipation of the tax, before the
tax was imposed at all, the charge of
threshing this year went up, not cents
a gallon, but cents a bushel in the East
and more in some places in the West. On
the 900 000, 900 bushels of wheat alone the
impending increase in the cost of engine
fuels has cost the farmer this year $lS,-
100000 Add oats, barley. ensilage cut
ting, and $40,00O,000 is close figure on
what that threatened tax cost the farmers
of the United States this year.
The gasolene tax, it was figured, would
yield revenue of $40 100000 to So, 0O0,-
900. The figures were based on estimates
something after this fashion: Production
of gasolene, i5,OOO,OOO barrels a year.
Contents of each barrel from fifty to fifty
two gallons. Tax at two cents, from 81
to Sl.O4 a BARREL.
The tax will aSsuredly bring that rev.
esnue. 1t will bring it straight out Of the
farmers pocket.
In fact, when somebody put It up TO
The sun., 1918-09-22
Yaphank Bennes Trench Experiences
Fail to Cure Him of Trouble Making

know how good SCENE ii was and that |
ought to had medal for thinking it out.
Well ask me Barney did | get medal?
Know what l did get Barneyf Well 1
got hellsfire as usual and that was all.
You remember We had fine trap all
set in that old trensh that wasn't never
used and We was going to catch some
hunns when they was out on patrol. Well
last night or rather this morning about
two oklock when everything was quiet and
still all of sudden there was noise Of
all the tin cans in the world coming down
through a glass skylight and Steve hol-
Tered at me "Thats them hunns," and
grabbed up a bomb and l threw it right
over the corner of this trensh and Steve
he done the same thing at the same time.
Well of corse we was both kind of ex-
cited and before we know it we threw
three or four apeace over there and then
all of sudden We heard the awfulest lot
of swearing in American and then hol-
lering and while we was still throwing
them bombs somebody come over the top
of the trensh holding his head and even in
the dark you could see he was awful sore.
so me and Steve We went on away from
there not wanting any trouble and this bird
starts hollering, "Who done that? Who
done that 2"
Well we wasn't looking for no fight or
anything but this fello chased us and
pretty soon we run to the end of thu
trensh and then he caught us and when
we seen that it was our Captain of corse
we stopped and you should have heard
what he said to us Barney Tell me off,
ours don't swear at privates, tell me that
Barney.
OF course We was right all along becaus
we didn't know that this bird was going
to make any inspectun trip at that hour
of night and we didn't know that he used
that old trensh. But there is one thing
that was lucky for him and that is that
we being a little excited that we forgot to
pull out the pins in them bombs so they
did not explode but just hit him on the
dome and kind of knocked him out for a
second or two.
But he didn't take that into considera-
ton and | CUES he give us just as much
hellsfre for hitting him with them dead
bombs as if We had hit him with bombs
that went off. But that bird never will
know how lucky he was and someday
when | get free with him again l will tell
him. Right now he aint in no frame of
mind to be reasonable with nobody and
all l got out of it for not killing him
was to get dobe erost and give helsire.
BENNIR.
The sun., 1918-09-22
The Trap Works Bonnie Woe.

BARNEY: Well Barney We are going to
be relived tonight and march out and l
CUES maybe am not glad or nothing like
that / am sick and tired out of being
up here in the trenshes forever and be-
sides all that 1 am through with being
doble crost like been twist now just since
we been up here in this outpost.
l wrote you yesterday that little SCENE
We had for getting them hunns and you
The sun., 1918-09-22
Taxing the Golden Egg Goose Wisely

pOit tudl III lOla lI,OVN
farmers out of 100000 made any in
come tax returns, he came back with an
array of figures that dumfounded. | for
get whether he did it on the floor of the
Senate or in a published article: but here
is what he shot back: 0veralls used to be
50 dozen, they are now $3.50; wages in
1914 were $35 month and board, they
are now sos and SO; binding Irvine used
to be nine cents, it is now &c cents; gang
ploughs were sos, they are now 5000; self
binders were $115, they are now from
$1S5 to $500; farm wagons were $54, they
arehow from sos to $780,
Were farmers bearing their share Of
the war burdensf Were they? Somebody
please page a gentleman to answer Sen
ator Gore.
All of which leads back TO the question,
in tdIes, wkat are lurunes.-leads back
to the problem of levying taxes and not
killing revenue.
One point, which the biggest bankers in
the country consider has been missed bv
the tax bill is the amortization, or final
gradual payment of the war debts.
Money isn't high. relatively" declared
one of these authorities. "Seven and s
per cent. may seem to be high; but re
member, if the capital is paying a war
tax of from 60 to 80 per cent, there is left
for the bank, which loans, only from to
3 per cent, and any bank that loans out
at a lower rate than it pays will go
broke.
I'VE are not going broke. The strong
est Governments and richest nations of
the world are behind our war credits.
Every dollar will be paid; but the point is
so to levy our taxes that system Of
amortization will finally pay the debts in
the future"
Another of the big bankers emphasized
another point: AS long as the war lasts
credits will expand, and when the war
stops they will contract. Here is the point
for the private investor-also for the ma
tion-tO look out for: Fifty cents will
buy only half as much to-day as before
the war Very well! Don't contract so
cent obligation to-day which You will have
TO pay with dollar after the war When
the days wages are Sc instead of s., don't
contract obligations of Sc that will have
to be paid when the wages so back to S.
THAT is the sharp point of the con-
traction bound to come after the war:
and it will hit US as nation just as hard
as it hits lis as individuals"
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
An Incident Of Sea War.

William McFee, author Of "Casuals
Of the Sea-" tells in an English paper,
Land and Water, Of an attack by a
submarine upon a steamer and de-
scribes this incident of the engine
room before the boat was sunk: "For
those three men (the officers) stood
by for the better part Of an hour. The
stokehold was empty, the steam was
dropping, and there was considerable
water In the bilges, but they stood by
watching the speaking tube and the
blind white face of the telegraph
pointing irresolutely to Stand By (the
orders from the BRIDGE. And present.
ly the strain Of waiting grew oppres-
slve, so that the chief, looking up to-
ward the skylight, said to my friend,
Mister, go up and see what's doing.
1t must be daylight now And he
went up, and came out on deck and
found himself face to face with a
problem of some completely. For the
deck of the ship was deserted. and far
across the dark sparkle Of the sea he
saw the boats crawling toward a smear
Of smoke on the skyline"
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
SCIENTISTS AIDING IN WAR
Experts Have Found New Work In
Which They Are Materially As
sistlng the Government.

Secretary Of the Interior Lane, In his
recent annual report, portrays the
transition of a peaceful democracy
into a nation organized for war. Pos
session of resources alone, he warns
the country does not win wars, and
recounting the enormous progress
made on every hand, declares the phys
ical resources of the United States are
almost completely at the command OF
the worlds needs.
"What can you do to serve meY "
quotes the secretary, replying: 1.-THE
answer of this department Is that 1t
has put every agency and activity
which it has at the service Of those
departments more directly concerned
with war-making.
"Our men of scientific knowledge
metaIlurgists, chemists, engineers,
typographers-hav found new work
at their hands.
"The patent Office has been searched
for new devices that could be brought
into use to kill the submarine or limit
its destructiveness, for the plans of
heretofore unused lethal weapons and
for the formulate of improved or I'M
known sources of power.
'"rhe scientific bureau Of the gov
eminent found themselves converted
overnight into adjuncts and auxil-
iaries in the great international con-
test. Men who had regarded them
selves as modestly useful only in the
discovering and revealing of new
sources of material strength found
that their years of experience In the
mountains and on the desert, in lab
oratories and in mines, called them at
once into the thick Of the European
struggle"
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
OUR BOYS IN FRANCE AND
HOME PROTECTION

The men on the firing linz represent
the pick of our American you n. One In
four of our boys at home was sick, re-
jected because OF physical deficiency.
Many times the kidneys we're to blame,
II we wish to prevent old aga coming
on toe soon, or II we want to increase
our chances for long life. DR.. rierce Of
the Surgical Institute, Buffalo. N. T., says
that you should drink plenty OF water
daily before meals Then procure at
your nearest drug store Anuric double
strength). This An-u-ric drives the uric
acid out and cures backache and rhsuma-
tism.
II we wish to keep our kidneys ID the
best condition a diet of milk and vege-
tables, with only little meat once day,
is the most suitable. Drink plenty OF
pure water, take Anuric three times day
for q month.
Step into the drug store and ask for
a sixty-cent package of Anuric, or svnd
DR. Pierce 10c for trial pkg Anuric. many
times more potent than lithia, eliminates
uric acid as hot water melts sugar. A
short trial will convince you.
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
Officer IGNORED Orders.

EARLY In the war when Field Mar
shall John French and General Joffre
were straining every nerve to hold
back the German advance which they
did finally at the Marine a French gen
eral, so the story goes, refused to open
orders sent by an officer who had been
promoted over his head. The message,
like the dispatch in the Franco-Prus-
sian war, was "lost" and division,
which was left without support, was
almost annihilated. The story goes
that the general was ordered shot.
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
At a Pink Tea. Maybe.

1t happened on a crowded street car.
Feminine knitters were on every hand,
working on sweaters and socks in vari-
Gus stages of completion. One wom-
an, however, was engaged with piece
Of dainty white embroidery.
After the conductor punched her
ticket, he stood watching the progress
of the work. Finally curiosity got the
better of him, and he queried, limo
Gently, Madam, where does soldier
wear thatT'
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
BOSCHEE'S GERMAN SYRUP

will quiet your cough soothe the in
fiammation of a sore throat and lungs,
stop irritation in the bronchial tubes,
insuring a good nights rest, free from
coughing and with easy expectoration
in the morning. Made and sold in
America for fifty-twO years. A Won
Gerful prescription, assisting Nature in
building up your general health and
throwing off the disease. Especially
useful in lung trouble, asthma, Group,
bronchitis, etc. For sale in all civil
lied countries.-Adv.
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
Accommodating.

"How's this" said the irasclble old
gentleman to the waiter In the restau-
rant. you've only brought one lump
of sugar, and ordered fourT
Sugars very scarce, sir replied
the waiter.
81 don't care If II is scarce; | want
four pieces Of sugar and I'm going to
have four" sFes.e's,
"All right, sir
"Where are you goingW
"Tm going to the kitchen, SIR"
''For more sugar?' y
mo, sir; I'm going to the kitchen to
break this lump Of sugar Into four
pieces, sir" =
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
Reason Why.

"Aren't you ashamed of scowling so,
Willie? sust see what sweet express
sion Tommy Jones is wearing?"
"Well, ne has to wear it. He has
just thrown a rock through the preach
ers window, and he's waiting now to
make the preacher believe it was done
by little boy in blue suit who ran
down the ktreet. Richmond Times
Dispatch.
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09

"Some of you people don't seem to
realize we are In war"
"Oh, yes, we do" replied Farmer
Corntossel. 1--WE don't keep talking
about 1t, for the reason that we've
done about all conversation can accom-
.plish, and we're saving our breath and
strength for regular work"
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
cutinura Stnns Itchinu.

The Soap to cleanse and Ointment to
soothe and heal most forms Of itching,
burning skin and scalp affections.
Ideal for toilet use. For free samples
address, "Cuticura, Dept. X, Boston,"
Sold by druggists and by mail Soap
rs. Ointment % and 50.-Adv.
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09

and my troubles caused by that weak
ness are thing of the past. Allwomen
who suffer as | did should try Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. -
Mrs. JAS. RoHRBERG, 620 Knapp St.,
N. S., Pittsburgh, Pa.
Women who suffer from any form of
weakness, as indicatedby displacements,
Inflammation, liberation, irregularities,
backache, headaches, nervousness or
"the blues" should accept Mrs. Rohr-
berg's suggestion and give Lydia Z.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound q
thorough trial.
For over forty years it has been
correcting such ailments. If you have
mysterious complications write for
advice to Lydia f. Pinkham Medicine
Co.. Lynn. Mass
Mountain Home Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1915-1946, 1918-02-09
Contrasting Merits.

81 have very intelligent dog who
has been taught to say his prayers!
and he'll always run up to minis
ter"
"That's nothing. / have an intel
ligent dog, too, and any time tin
can is tied to his tail, he runs to a
saloon"