Evening star., 1918-02-17

catAssen shop two hundred miles away.
peering over a map with a pair of opera
glasses and ordering men to shoot gas at
the enemy by telephone? If sheridan mao
tried to save the day at Winchester, under
the regulations Of the Potsdam strateg1st,
he'd have turned his old nag in the other
direction and made a hike for his office IN
the Flatiron building. These modern war
riors belong to the correspondence school
outfit and do their fighting as Peary says
Cook discovered the pole-without ieaE-
ing home .,,on,
tame and foolish my invasion of Britain
would have been if, instead OF going along
in person with the boys and leading ther15
been content, like F'rederick's little Willie,
to stay comfortably at home in Rorne eat
ing three square meals a day and sending
my fegions wireless messages every hour
telling them that Jupiter was on our se slae
was getting ready to perch on our banners
and that my heart bled like a stuck wal
rus to think how seasick they must De
and the fatherland? Do you suppose the
Roman populace would thrice have offered
me a kingly crown for any such Little
Lord Faunueroy stunt as that?
"Just as quick as the citizens of the
United States are going to offer the pres
idency of the United States to Pompadour
Bob of Wisconsin" said Napoleon.
mot so quick" retorted Caesar. NO.
sir! People don't want any absent
treatment commanders in war. They
never have. and they never will, want
that sort of thing. Did you sit eating
chocolate eclaires and whistling the
.Marseillaise' to Josephine at Versailles
while your troops were marching on
Moscow? Not on your tintype! You
beat them to it. both ways, going and
coming. Did Mark Antony sit twril-
ing his thumbs in Rome, trying to con-
quer Cleopatra by long distance? Not
he. He slid over to Egypt. and the
lady surrendered unconditionally- Did
Richard Coeur de Leon lie of swing
ing in hammock in the back yard OF
his royal residence and employ a fat
general staff to wig -wag to Jerusalem to
his Crusaders? Not SO as anybody
could notice it. Did George Washing
ton hire a gang of laborers to dig
ditch across the field of Yorktown for
his soldiers to sit in and stare Corn
periscope while he played ping-pong
with Thomas Jefferson at Mount Ver-
non? Tell him so to his face and see
what happens! Did wellington"
Never mind" said Napoleon. you
don't need to go any further. AS Lin
coin said to Douglas after he had wal
loped him for the presidency-I gotcha.
Steve! And you're dead right, Juley-
dead right. But there's one thing will
say-the boys in the trenches today
are as good as any Of ours ever were"
'Ubetcha" said Caesar. And I'll
lay you TOO denadii to a pewter CEN
time that If they had their way on both
sides. and were allowed to go out and
fight with their hands the way we did.
they'd do 1t with a right good will and
clean up the whole beastly business in
twenty-four hours"
And victory would perch on the eagles
of France and her allies" cried Napo-
leon. excitedly.
"Sure thing" said Caesar. "An eagle
can lick a mole any day of the week If
the mole will only come out into the
open and fight"
1t was at this point that Frederick
the Great returned. followed shortly by
George Washington.
"Gott undt Himmelw said Frederick,
with a glance at Caesar. You here yet
already?"
mot Gott undt Himmel, Freddy
said Napoleon "but me undt HimmeL
We don't share your, Hohenxollern in
ttmacies. But what's thisI hear about