Judsonia weekly advance., 1918-05-15

breath, so to speak, but I doubt if ever more forlorn cuss listened to the interminable clicking of car wheels. I am tempted at each station to turn back and try again. It seems so un- real, this parting in hot anger, so mis- erably unnecessary. But when I stop to sum it up again, I see no use in another appeal. I could come back yes. Only the certain knowledge that giving in like that would send us spin ming once more in a vicious circle pre- vents me. I didn't believe it possible that we could get so far apart. Nor that a succession of little things could cut so weighty a figure in our lives. And perhaps you are very sore and resentful at me this morning for be- ing so precipitate.
 "I couldn't help it, Hazel. It seemed the only way. It-seems so yet to me. There was nothing more to keep me in Granville-everything to make me hurry away. If 1 had weakened and temporized with you 1t would eRly mean the deferring of just what has happened. When you declared your self flatly and repeatedly it seemed hopeless to argue further. am poor pleader, perhaps; and do not believe in compulsion between us. Whatever you do you must do of your own yoli- tion, without pressure from me. We couldn't be happy otherwise. If I compelled you to follow me against your desire we should only drag mis- cry in our train.
 1 couldn't even say good-by. I didn't even want it to be good-by. didn't know if I could stick to my determination to go unless I went as I did, And my reason told me tkat if there must be break 1t would better come now than after long-drawn-out bickerings and bitterness. If we are so diametrically opposed where we thought we stood together we have made a mistake that no amount of ad- justing, nothing but separate roads, will rectify. Myself I refuse to be- lieye that we have made such mis- take. I don't think that honestly and deliberately you prefer an exotic, use less, purposeless, parasitic existence 
 oily planned. But you are obsessed, intoxicated-I can't put it any better and nothing but shock will soDer you. If I'm wrong, if love and Bills companionship can't lure you away from these other things-why, 1 SUD- pose you will consider it an ended chapter. In that case you will not suffer. The situation as it stands will be relief to you. If, on the other hand, it's merely a stubborn streak, that won't let you admit that you've carried your proud little head on an overstiff neck, do you think it's worth the price? I don't.
 "Im not scolding, little person. I'm sick and sore at the pass we've come to. No fool pride can close my eyes to the fact or keep me from admitting freely that I love you just as much and want you as longingly as I did the day put you aboard the Stanley D. at Bella Coola. thought you werC stepping gladly out of my life then. And I let you go freely and without anything but a dumb protest against fate, because it was your wish. can step out of your life again-if it Is your wish. But I can't imprison my self in your cities. I'm neither an idler nor can become a legalized buc- cancer. I have nothing but contempt for those who are. Mind you, this is not so sweeping a statement as 1t sounds. No one has keener appre- ciation of what civilization means than I. Out of it has arisen culture and knowledge, much of what should make the world better place for us all. But somehow this doesn't apply to the mass, and particularly not to the cir cles we invaded in Granville. With here and there a solitary exception that class is hopeless in It's snug self satisfaction--its narrowness of out look, and unblushing exploitation of the less fortunate, repels me.
 And to dabble my hands in their muck, to settle down and live my life according to their bourgeois standards. to have grossness of soft flesh replace able sinews, to submerge mentality in favor of spacious craftiness of mind which passes in the city for brains well, I'm on the road. And. oh, girl. girl, wish you were with me.
 'I must explain this mining deal that phase of it which sent me on the rampage in Granville. should have done so before, should have insisted on making 1t clear to you. The other side had been presented to you rather cleverly at the right time. And your ready acceptance of 1t angered me be-