The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1918-04-25

, An automobile came tearing dow
the street and frightened a team o
horses belonging to a farmer. Ate
the farmer had quoted the horses,
loafer said: "Ain't it queer hov
horses get scared at autos ?" "Shuck'
don't see nothing queer about it,
snorted the farmer. "If you should
see my pants a-coming down the street
with nothing in 'em, wouldn't you
rear and kick"
Gentlemen of the jury" said the
attorney for the man who had sued
railroad, "if the train had been run
ming as slow as it should have been
run, if the bell had been rung as it
ought to have been rang, or the whis-
tie had been bowed as it ought to
have blew, none of which was did, the
COW would not have been injured when
she was killed"
A funny thing happened the other
day. A farmer tied his horse to an
auto on the street. A few minutes
later the owner of the auto stepped
into the car and whizzed away. He
did not discover the horse until he
had reached the river bridge. He i'm
mediately stopped the machine and
inspected the horse and found that
the critters neck had been stretched
15 feet.
"Sort of doctor stayed at our
house the other night" related Old
Bill Misgivens. "He lowed he was
curing all the ills that human flesh is
heir to, and so forth, by means of
medicine he called Seven Sacred Oils,
Or something hathaway. don't
reckon it was any good, though, for
my children got hold of his gripsack
early next morning and Tapped up
'our or five bottles of the remedy,
md they didn't appear to be much
worse for it."
The new teacher surveyed her
restless charges with some
ismay. But, true to her oft-studied
ook of instructions as to the best
manner of implanting knowledge in
he young mind, she began: "Now,
hildren, what is it that cat is COW
red with? Is it fur, Is it hair? Is
Ialloran, you may answer" Johnny, t
, soiled and starved looking, arising /
l state of mingled contempt and S
erplexity, replied: "Say, honest, is I
ouse kiddin' or amt youse never seen g
cat?" a
For the purpose of advertising fish
lg rods a storekeeper hung large
ID outside his shop, with an artificial
sh at the end of it. Late one night II
erkins, who had been dining a bit
20 well, happened to see the fish. I
ding cautiously to the door, he s.
nocked gently. "Who's there?" de- d
anded the shopkeeper from an up
sr window. "Sh-hl Don't make
,ise, but come down as quietly as you
H." whispered Perkins. Thinking .
serious was the matter, the
an dressed and stole down stairs. 3
low, what is it?" he inquired.
list" admonished Perkins. "Pull in
ur line quick; you've got bite"
A French soldier who came proudly
to an American in a certain head
arters town not long ago asked: |
-ou spik English?" "Nope," an
cred the American, mot yet" The
enchman smiled complacently. "Aye
TX Eengleesh," he said. The. Amer
N grinned and the Frenchman look
about for some means to show
prowess in the foreign tongue.
that moment a French girl, very
at and trim in her peaked hat, long
1t and high laced shoes, came along.
e Frenchman jerked his head to-
I'd her, looked knowingly at the
lerican, and said triumphantly:
heeken." The American roared.
make" he said, extending his hand.
on don't speak English. You
ak American"
Z q z
\ young Canadian officer, who had
ID for years in China, was deputed
take to France for service behind
lines company of Chinese cool
On the ocean voyage over, which
, a turbulent one, row developed