davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Important Difference.

What is the tune you were playing
on the piano?"
"That isn't q tune; that Is O
sonata"
whats the difference?"
"Well, with sonata it's hard for the
average listener to detect mistakes
With tune you've got to know pretty
well what you are about. Washing
ton Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
An Early Riser.

Lady Ito applicant)-Yes, I adver-
tised for maid-of-all-work. Are you
an early riser?
Applicant-Indade an OF am,
madam! At me last place OF was up
and had breakfast ready an ell the
beds made before anybody else in the
house was up!-Exchange
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

can.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Omitted,

Edith, what did your father say
when he heard that I had been calling
on your"
HE said you were numbskull, a
mollycoddle and a Stacker"
SIS that all?"
That's all-except the adjectives."
Boston Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
DeIeted.

"This letter was deleted by the cen
sor. So says the official stamp"
Then / guess it's safe to read 1t.
Them letters must pass through queer
channels, l s'pose, and the censor amt
going to let us run the risk of ketch-
ing something or other" louisville
Courier-J Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
One Deduction.

"They say you can tell Halloween
fortunes with flour and molasses."
Think you CAM"
Well, it seems safe to hazard this
much of a guess. Anybody who has
flour and molasses to spare must be
rich. louisville Courier-Journal,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Wise and Otherwise.

Love Is one kind of praise and
envy is another.
Your life is not worth living
unless you think 1t is.
Self-inspection is a sure cure
for self-esteem, 1t is said.
One way to attract attention
Is not to seek 1t.
A woman's idea of a remark
able feat is one performed BIZ
her son.
When hatchet is buried 1t Ia
in some convenient spot.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Soothe Itchinu ScaIps,

On retiring gently rub spots of dan.
druff and itching with Cuticura Oint-
ment. Next morning shampoo with
Cutlcura Soap and hot water. For free
samples address, "Cuticura, Dept. K,
Boston," At druggists and by mail.
Soap 25, Ointment 25 and 50.--Adv.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Different pays.

when I was kid the poorest boy
could have fun making a snow man.
You remember we used Jumps of coal
for his eyes?"
II remember. suppose making a
snow man is now a pastime for child
rem Of the very rich. louisville Cour-
ier-J Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Just So.

"Incarcerating offenders is the
wrong idea. We ought to try to pre-
vent crime"
Just So" said the old-fashioned
judge. "And you can prevent lots of
crime by putting the right people in
Jail. louisville Courier-Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
A Valet With Wits.

Valet-One of your creditors wishes
to see you, sir.
Tell him I'm out.
Valet-Yes, sir. And I'll just light
one of your best cigars, sir; he'll be
more likely to believe me then.-Ex-
change.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
CannY Andy

Andrew Carnegie was once asked
which he considered to be the most
important factor in industry-labor,
capital or brains? The canny Scot re-
piled with merry twinkle in his
eye:
(which is the most important of a
three-legged stool?"-Christian Reg
lister.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Pleasant Contrast.

Make"
"Phwat?"
II was just thinkin' after we get out
of the trenches an back home again
how nice an peaceful that old boiler
factory will sound to us."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

"Why do people seem to think that
blondes are frivolous?"
Don't know, unless they conclude
1t is natural for them to be light
headed. ."-Baltimor American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
A Welcome opportunitv.

81 enjoyed that state paper very
much" remarked Senator Sorghum.
I'm patriotic spirit?"
"Yes; and in personal spirit, too
It's the first time I've had a chance
to say that's good while listening to
a speech as often as I do in a poker
game. Washington Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Don't Sell Rreedlna Animals.

Maintain and increase breeding
herds.
Feed cheap roughages.
Feed live stock as little human food
ms possible.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

"And Fizzlepate ran through q for
tune"
mo; he never did anything so ener
getic. He stood still and let the for
tune show the speed. Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

The Bun Wyandotte is one of the
prettiest birds In the barnyard. OF
course, their plumage is delicate and
they need to be kept clean to be
snowy.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Mulch for Blackberrles

Moist hay, straw or lawn clippings
are good materials with which to
mulch hlackberries. They hold moist
ure In the soil, keep the fruit clean
and keep down weeds.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Pics Two Weeks Old.

When the pigs are two weeks old
the SOW and pigs should be given the
run of grass pasture when the
weather Is suitable, Allow plenty Of
exercise. 1t is necessary for health.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Worldly Advice.

II wouldn't stoop to do a wrong
act"
That's right Reach for something
high. h."-Louisville CourierJournal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

"That actor is very pompous. He
says he has arrived"
HE has," replied the manager.
"This is where he gets off."-Wash-
ington Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Facing an Expert.

"Well, If your father thinks I am
not worthy of you, dear, will put the
best face l can on the matter"
"That won't do you any good, Henry.
PAS a government camouflage artist"
Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

Judge-The police say that you and
your wife had some words.
Prisoner-I had some, Judge, but
didn't get a chance to use them
Puck.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
An Instance,

"The language of flowers is very
eloquent"
Especially when the sentiment Of
love is conveyed by pair of pressed
two lips. ."-Baltimor American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Tact.

Young Wife, suppose I can do
nothing like your mother did.
Young Husband = Not all things,
dear. Your fuses are nothing to the
ones mother used to make.-Baltimore
American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Loftier Positions.

Every man thinks he is qualified
for higher position"
"And many of them are right" re-
piled Miss Cayenne. They'd be far
more useful as telegraph linemen or
skyscraper constructors. s."-Exchange
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
A Hint.

Here is suggestion for a scenario:
During courtship he kissed her burn.
Ing lips. After they we're married
those same lips frequently roasted
him.--Florida Times Union.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

I'VE all know enough to look wise
when psychical research is mentioned y
Say the rest Of it,"
"But~what does it mean, anyhow"
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Soon Fail and Die.

1t is true that trees infested with
borers may live and bear few years
after they are infested with these
pests, but such trees begin to fail and
soon die.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
A Rapjd Firer.

Mrs. Peck-I always think twice be-
fore speak once.
Peck-Exactly, my dear-but then
you are such quick thinker.-Ex-
change.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
To Repel Ho.r5.r.

The government has commendeered
prunes; but as it is taking only the
large and middle sized ones, boarding
house stocks are safe.-New York
Sun.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Naturally.

Naturally.
"That fraud simply touched me on
the raw"
"Of course, when you found it was
so well cooked up."
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
The Difference.

He--Do you know, generally dance
on an impulse.
She-You didn't last night; you
danced on my feet-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

Swinging Round the Circle.
Mrs. A-Our cook has lived In some
of the best families.
Mrs.-Ours has lived in all Of them
and is now on circuit for the second
time.-Exchange
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Room. OF Company2

With all proper respect to members
of congress, we wish they'd quit com.
ing home SO much and give the rail.
roads chance to haul little coal
Kansas City Star
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Youthful Conserving,

Sometimes small boy Is so patriotic
he wants to observe soapless days
seven times week.-Galvesto News.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Mean Query,

He (pompously) have many sol,
emn thoughts to be read in my mind.
She (sarcastically)-Bound in calf
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

''What do you think of Jaggers'
labor theory?"
1T won't work Baltimore Amerl.
can,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

To Dyspeptics: Others have found
steady course of Garfield Tea a
pleasant means Of regaining health.
Why not you?-Adv.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
TO BREAK IN NEW SHOES ALWAYS USE

Aliens Foot Ease. the antiseptic powder II
prevents tghtness and blistering. Relieves Corns,
Buniens. and Swollen. Sweating, Aching Feet.
Gives rest and comfort. Accept no substitute.
Sample FREE. Address, Allen s. iolmsted. LIE
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

DR.. Pierce's Pellets are best for liver,
bowels and stomach. One little Pellet
for laxative-th for cathartic,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

Chronic Constipation is as dangerous
as dlsagreeable. Garfield Tea cures
it-Adv.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15
Contrary Treatment.

THAT girl thinks Of nothing all day
but fine dressing upl"
What she evidently needs is O good
dressing down. Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

A Grave Situation.
$50 Marie is engaged?"
Eyes, to an undertaken"
"An undertaken? She must be dead
In love. e."-Exchange
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1918-03-15

For Constipation, Biliousness, Liver
and Kidney troubles, take Garfield
Tea.-Adv.
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20
TRACK OF
 AMERICAN SOLDIERS
 |S GIGANTIC TASK

WITH THE AMERICAN ARMY IN FRANCE, Aug. 19.-(By The Asso- ciated Press).-The recent Marne fighting has illustrated the difficulties in prompt reporting of casualties.
 The system of keeping track Of ev- cry member Of the American eXpedi- tionary forces is simply organized. but it is gigantic Facts concerning every casualty are rushed by courier to the central records office where a check is made against his name and record to prevent confusion and to identify him. Then a message is prepared and checked back and then cabled to Washington.
 Work Is Slow and Difficult
 In trench fighting and in small oper- ations it is possible to make almost immediate casualty reports but in en- counters such as the Marne battle. the task becomes difficult and slow. de- spite the best efforts of the authorities. The regulations require that every report of killed, wounded or missing must be established beyond a doubt. Units moving forward for hours under heavy fire losing men on the way can not pause to check casualties. These must come later from dressing sta tions, hospitals or burying parties operating in the wake of the advancing lines.
 Records Sometimes Destroyed Frequently records and reports are destroyed or lost in action. At Seiche prey certain American unit was iso- lated for nearly two days by a heavy German barrage. Several members of the unit sacrificed their lives in an ef- fort to penetrate the wall of fire. Finally a German raiding party cap- ! tured and made off with the organiza tion's records. On another occasion a statistical unit was bombed out of it's position and it's carefully prepared casualty reports were scattered over ] the landscape
 Accuracy Almost Impossible
 Again replacement troops may he i thrown into action with some organiz- 1 atlon being reformed for attack. the unit commander having no knowledge Of who they are Thus. if the records are lost or destroyed by shell fire or pomblng 1t becomes almost impossible 10 make accurate casualty reports for days. perhaps for weeks.
 American wounded often find their way into British or French dressing stations. and are sent on to French or Brlt1sh hospitals. They are carried on
 thelr own roles as missing until finally they lind their way back to their own units or are officially reported at home as missing.
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20

tContfnued from Page Onel Colorado. to the senate bill. Secretary Baker said it seems entirely con sistent with the present regulations and is unoblectionable. lie said it does not provide for conscription of labor as contended by representatives of or ganized labor. but merely would be a declaration by congress Of the work or light principle already put into et- rect by the draft regulations.
 Hear Labor Leaders Today
 Secretary Morrison or the American federation of Labor appea red in on- position tu the amendment and it was arranged to hear him and other labor representatives tomorrow. Chairman Dent said tonight he hoped 10 report the measure Wednesday or Thursday, probably with amendments. If senti- ment in the committee for provisions specifying the order of classes to be called and specifically to defer calls for Is year old boys is reflected in the reported bill, Representative Kahn of California, ranking republican member. plans a minority report in favor of the administration plan.
 General Crowder told the committee that men now in class 1 would be ex- hausted after the September call and urged speedy action of the bill to pro- vide sufficient men for future calls, although General March said he thought there will be, enough men to last until November without the new legislation. By Januady 1. General Crowder said he hoped to complete classifying the nation"
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20
Official Statement
(Continued from Page One)
FRENCH

Republican A. p. Leased Wire1
 PARIS, Aug. 19.-The French troops north of the Disc River have reached the western outskirts of Lassigny, according to the official communication issued tonight. They also have made their way out of the Thiescourt wood and further south have captured the village of Pimprez on the Noyon- Compiesne road. Northwest of Soissons the village of Morsain has been captured and 2,200 Germans have been made prisoners in this region. The text of the communica- ton follows:
 Between the Matz and the Disc we continued to make progress during the day. Our troops, in spite of stubborn resistance by the enemy, have captured Fresnieres and reached the western outskirts of Lassigny.
 Farther south we have suc- ceeded in debouching from the Thiescourt wood.
 "On our right we have conquered Pimprez and advanced up to the southern outskirts of Dreslincourt.
 "Io the north of the Aisne, com pIeting our success between CarIe- pont and Fontenoy, we have cap tured the village or Morsain.
 The number of prisoners cap tured in this region since yesterday has reached 2,20o.
 "Aviation-During the 18th three German airpIanes were brought down and one captive balloon was sent down in flames"
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20

thought, was equipped as a cable cut ter This is held to explain the part ing recently of two Atlantic cables A naval repair ship. escorted by fight ing craft, spliced both.
 Have Wider Cruising Radius
 Descriptions of the submarines give their length as 300 feet and their ar mament as two guns of either 5.7 or 5.9 inch caliber. Naval experts ad- duce the craft have a cruising radius of not less than 1000 miles,
 The German admiralty now has in commission between 160 and 1S0 sub marines while the total number de- stroyed by the allies has passed the POO mark, according to the most re- liable information available here. If correct, these figures would indicate that new German construction has barely held it's own over the period of four years. as at the beginning of the war the Germans are known to have had about 150 submarines. The toll in the last six months has been many times that attained in any previous period and the constantly increasing allied anti submarine forces, according to naval officials. will put the ratio continually higher as time passes
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20
BELIEVE ENEMY
 RAIDERS HAVE
 LANDED CREWS
Officer of Torpedoed Oil Tanker Claims He Saw
 Hun from Submarine In New York Saloon
Republican A. p. Leased w1re]

Republican A. p. Leased Wire]
 WASHINGTON. Aug. 19.-Informa- tion furnished by officers of vessels attacked by German submarines along the American coast has strengthened the belief held by many officials that the enemy raiders have had communi- cation with persons on shore and may even have landed members of their crews to secure information. The navy department. officially refused tonight 10 indorse this belief though admitting the possibility.
 Recognized Each Other
 Positive claim that he met an officer from the submarine that sank the oil tank steamer o. B. Jennings in a New York saloon is made by the first of ficer of that vessel, according to a story reaching the department. The recognition between the American and German is said to have been instanta- ncous the latter making his escape when the American appealed to a brother officer accompanying him for confirmation of his belief.
 Other instances have been heard, not so well substantiated, of the discovery of evidence that German submarines have been in close touch with the shore. One story along this line was iidA NHc captain Ol d COaSIN1Se vessel, |, being ordered to the submarine with his parers, saw on the commanders S desk New York newspapers of the same date.
 Communication Not Difficult
 Communication between the raiders and the mainland is possible at scores of places along the Atlantic coast ma . val official believe. because of the ir- regularity of the American coasts.
 Recently the precautions taken by the authorities to prevent such com munication have been greatly aug mented, both by shore patrol and other methods which cannot be discussed No official report has been made giv- ing any definite evidence of an enemy boat having landed.
 Destroyer Accounts For One
 From authoritative sources it was learned there is reason to believe three German submarines have been oper- Hting on the American coast. at three separate points. Two of these have recently ceased operating" either be- cause their stores have become ex- hausted or as a result of damage re- ceived in contact with the patrol fleets It is known that the activities of one boat ceased immediately after a de- stroyer reported having discharged depth bombs near the spot where the [ boat submerged.
 One of the three submarines, it is
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20
LIKELY
 T0 FALL ANY HOUR

WITH THE FRENCH ARMY IN FRANCE. Aug. l9. 10 p. m. By The Associated Press). Successive blows delivered against the Germans since August 10 all along the line from the Somme to Soissons appear to have brought the operations to a crucial point. After yielding in the early operations the enemy has been making a desperate stand at critical points. but his resistance has failed to overcome the steady pressure around Lassigny and Rove.
 The French Third army made furth- CT progress today in the region of Las signy and the Thiescourt hill. They have occupied the greater part of Beuvaignes and are forging nearer l.assigny from the south of Fresnieres and the Canny woods and also are pressing northward toward Lassigny by forcing an exit from tho Thiescourt wood.
 These gains were made during the most severe fighting. Lasslgny is likely to fall any moment
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20

worse for his adventures. He was seized by the German commander when he tried to return to his sinking vessel for the ships papers.
 WASHING Aug. 19.-All the members of the crew of the Norwegian steamer San Jose, which was sunk off the Atlantic coast August r, have been accounted for. the Navy Department announced tonight. Thirty-one mem bers of the San loses crew were landed today at an Atlantic port.
 Evans Treated Courteously
 By order of the naval authorities Captain Evans could not be seen by newspaper men. Members of the San loses crew said the Penistone com mander told them he was treated courteously by the U boat commander. Before the Penistone was sunk Cap tain Evans was allowed to visit his ship to get his new uniform, sword and other valuables.
 Prior to the sinking of the San Jose which occurred so miles off the At lantic coast Captain Evans was given his choice of returning on the subma rine to Germany as a prisoner of war or going with the crew of the San JOSE III llIt ODtH bOdlSs l IC toPldil chose the latter. AS he was leaving the submarine the commander wished him luck and handed him a bottle of brandy. telling him he might need it in the cold.
 In Boats Twenty Six Hours
 Captain Evans and the San Jose men were in the open boats 26 hours. When a steamer appeared Captain Evans stood up and waved an English flag. The signal attracted the atten- tion of the lookout. This was about 3:30 o'clock Saturday afternoon. The steamer kept at a ZigZag course, but the submarine did not appear. Describing the attack on the San Jose, members of the crew said the U boat appeared ahead and fired a shot across the bow. As the steamer slowed down a guard put off from the submarine. Ordering all those on the San Jose into the small boats, the guard stripped the ship of provisions. The ship was sunk by bomb.
Arizona republican., 1918-08-20

department of labor. Shortage in skilled labor is becoming almost as acute as that in unskilled labor.
 The available supply of unemployed labor practically is depleted. the de- partment said. and the one remedy lies in the patriotic recognition by non war employees that they must release labor to war industries in order not to lmperil the supply of the military forces.
 Solution of the problem has been put up to the individual states and Nathan A. Smyth, assistant director general of the employment service to- day notified all state directors that the seriousness of the situation can scarcely be exaggerated"