The Washington herald., 1918-02-19
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Pete Sturgis got it into his head that
cigars and cigarettes were going to
become as scarce as coal is or was.
He stocked up on them. He kept
them in an old trunk in his room.
He had six or eight boxes of cigars
and several hundred packages Of coffin
nails.
Running short of change one day
he looked into the trunk for something
to smoke.
1t was as empty as Mother Hub
bard's cupboard. He nearly tainted.
1t took the cops about three weeks
to find the thief Even then they
wouldn't have found him il he hadn't
gotten drunk.
He was Isaac Benboe. His pockets
were chock full of cigars and cigar
cites.
Investigation showed that Isaac,
who lived two doors from Pete, had
broken into the room one night and
stole every smoke he could find.
He had sold what wasn't in his
pockets. He had been selling six cent
packages Of cigarettes for two cents
each.
Well, the court fixed his business.
He will have sixty smokeless days at
the workhouse.
A BOnehead Mistake.
The girls are not always as smart
as they are cracked up to be.
At least Isabel McCauley is not She
did something which no really and
truly smart woman would have done.
She had a date one evening with
Harry Simms. And she forgot it COM
pletely. 1t wasn't because she didn't
love Harry either-just natural born
observation-disclosures.
Then she made a date for the same
evening with Perry Jefferson.
Perry arrived ahead of Harry. Isa-
bel showed him a seat in the parlor
where they sat for half an hour.
Then Harry ran up the front steps.
And with her heart in her mouth Isa-
bel told Perry to hide in the kitchen.
Harry had been talking with Isabel
for about ten minutes when his atten-
tion was attracted by a noise coming
from the kitchen.
Perry had gotten hungry and was
ramsacking the ice box. He upset a
dish in his haste.
Pulling a six shooter from his pocket
Harry dived into the kitchen ready to
shoot the burglar"
Perry heard him coming and ran
out.
A cop stopped Harry and took his
gun.
He won't see Isabel for sixty long
days.
Just Talking to Herself.
Margaret Patterson was walking
down Fifth street one sunny after
noon. fussing with herself, and hav-
ing a real old time argument with
some one that no one else could
see.
Two men who were standing at
the corner noticed her and asked
who she was fussing with.
Embarrassed, Margaret told them
it was none of their busines.
Then they started to teasing her.
They told her she was nutty to
be talking to herself on the street.
Angered Margaret turned to the
men and swore very loudly at them.
A~cop came UP and cautioned her.
She turned up her nose at him.
'"Ah am a free American citizen.
Abe Lincoln set me free en- All kin
cuss all All d please
wen, lldI may De SO, Salu Lne
cop, "but you will have to finish
cussing in Jail.
And there she went She swore
all the way. ever at the man who
gave her a free ride in the auto pa
troll.
Margaret told the court that 1t
was an OUTRAGE that the cop did not
arrest the men who made her angry.
lox LIT % a rxrft 49,
the court said. PAY a fine of IS
Ella Got 'Panned.
Last Christmas George Wood
walked all the way from his home
near the navy yard to Fifteenth
and H streets northwest, to loan
Ella Cruikshank a baking pan.
Ella had nothing to bake her
Christmas chicken in and Georges
wife sent him out with hers.
Several times since George has
gone there again to get the pan.
And Ella always had some excuse
or other for not giving it back.
George got tired of going and
showed the job onto his wife.
wifey got her mad up on Thurs
day afternoon and hurried to get
that pan.
Ella tried her old excuses. But
they didn't go with Mrs! Wood.
The latter looked at her wrist
watch and gave Ella one minute to
produce that pan.
But of course Ella couldn't. She
had lost the pan and was afraid to
! say so.
Mrs. Wood didn't find 1t out until
she had whipped Ella within an inch
of her life.
'Ef dat womun had only told me
she had loozed nah pan. All wouldn't
hab hit her." she told the court.
She must be punished the. court