davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Lake MeIuke Saws.

Ever notice that the maddest mar
In town is the practical joker who has
a practical joke played on him?
1t Is a whole lot easier for a man
to get the vote of his Party than II
Is for him to get the vote of his Fam
lily.
If he is taking short little steps in
order to keep in step with her they
are engaged. But if he is taking one
step to her two they are married.
Why is a man said to be leading a
dogs life" when he is unhappy? A
dog has nothing to worry about. There
are no Reform dogs trying to enact a
law prohibiting the sale and use OF
bones. And a dog isn't married, and
doesn't have to buy clothes and shoes
Whaddy va mean: leading a dogs
life ?"
And what has become of the old
fashioned innocent wife who knew her
husband didn't drink anything the
night before because he was so thirtsy
the mex morning?
The luckiest men we know of are
those who enjoy hard work and do
know how lucky they are.
Another wonderful thing is how
thick a woman's ankles car get after
she has been married for a while.
A woman can't understand why her
husband does physical culture stunts
in the bathroom for fifteen minutes
each morning to develop his muscles,
and yet hasn't half a minute to spare
to get the ashes out of the cellar.
And the reason why a Corn Fed girl
doesn't lace her corset tightly is be-
cause her father knows that the meter
is cheating the light company and
working in his favor.
You imagine that you get more than
your share of disappointments, don't
you? Well, the man who isn't disap-
pointed more than nee a day can re-
gard himself as lucky.
Isn't 1t funny how a man will take
a chance on getting shot trying to kiss
his neighbours wife when he can kiss
his own wife any time he wants to?
The difference between Gossips and
Egotists is that Gossips never tall
about themselves
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
TOddy We Celebrate
Anniversary of Birth Of Louisa NJ
AIcOfE.


Louisa May Alcott author of Little
Women" the classic nov for girls
which was dramatized several years
ago, was BORN eighty-six years ago to-
day. Nov. 20, 1882. 1t is but a coin
cidence hat today is also the ami
versary of III birth of her distin-
guished father, Amos Bronson Alcott,
who was born Nov. 20, 1893. Millions
of ardent admirers of Miss Alcott
throughout the English-speaking
world will pay tribute to the memory
of the gifted author today, recalling
the delight they experienced in perus-
ing the pages of her stories.
Amos Bronson Alcott, the father OF
the novelist, was born in Wolcot,,
Conn, the son of a farmer. His first
employment was as a clerk in a coun-
try store, and later he was a peddler
in the south. In 1923 he opened a
school for small children In his native
town. Louisa May Alcott was born In
Germantown, Pa. When she was four
her father removed to Concord, Mass,
and thereafter devoted himself to
philosophical study and to writing and
~lecturing on reform topics. In this at
mosphere of philosophy and letters
Miss A1cott grew up, becoming her
fathers assistant and later a school
teacher.
Miss Alcott published her first book,
Flower Fables" when she was sew
enteen. During the Civil War she act
ed as a hospital nurse in Washington,
and her book. Hospital Sketches
was based on this experience. The
toll and h~ardships OF her life as q
nurse wrecked her health, and after
the war she went to Europe for a rest.
She wrote Little Women" while
resting" and 1t was published upon
her return to America in 1857. Sixty
thousand copies were sold the first
year, and since then millions Of copies
have been sold. The book Is almost as
popular in England as on this side oil
the Atlantic.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Walt Mason's Ripping Rhymes
The Ill Wind.

n influenza went Its way. and slew its legions every day. az
are a ming as var and. while they WINGED beneath the rods lei
claraored TO their divers gods. What did you send it for? What rs
until they break their necks? What profits it to spring al i'll har
Nils the pesthouse o the hill W 18th CHASTITY human wrecks?" some
tiues we cannot see the plan behind the rod that chastens man.. and
20 we Idly kick; why shouldn't life be endless bliss, why should we
suffer that and this, and why be ore and sick? The influenza came
along lust when u statesmen. going strong, were prfmed for the
cempaigni they their speeches learned by heart and they'd turn
out with graceful art. their doctrines safe and sane. Windiammers
here. wfndtammers there. yer suffering to paw the air, and make
tho woLklns reel; the voters, saudderngs with dread. looked on the
carnival ahead, of argument and spiel Then came the fu, and
crowds were banned: all pubncmeetfngs in the land had the YER
botsn sign; the candidates could only take the speeches they were
prfmad 10 make. n put them down In brine Yet people cry.
what Is the use OF pestlence that cooks u goose. and puts us on
the blink " They have not learned to analyze. they have not learned
TO use their eyes. they have not learned to think.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Fire Alarm Boxes

23-Raritan Copper works.
24-Market n Sheridan Streets,
25-Smith Street and Central r. R
26-Market and First Streets
27-Madison Ave. and Paterson st.
2S-High and Lewis Streeta
35-Smith and High Streets.
26ENew brunswick Ave. and New Ct
S7-Smith and State Streets.
42-Atlantic Terra Gotta Works.
43-Buckingham Ave. and Hartford 81
4b-Comme-ce and Front Streets.
46-State and Washington SITS.
4T-Hfgh and Washington Streets.
64-State st. and Buckingham Ave
65-Parker ST. and Pulaski ave.
56-Hau Ave n Charles ST.
57-State and Wayne Streets.
6S-Near United Lead Works
59-Maurer.
e2-Washington and First Streets.
63-New Brunswick Ave. and Elm Sc
64-Smith Street and Watson Ave.
6k-Commerce and State Streeta
72=Front and Smith Streets.
73-Water and Gordon Streets.
74EKearny Ave. ant Gordon Street.
S1-Brace and Hanson Avenues
S25Smfth and Herbert Streets.
STANDBY Ave. n Washington ST. :
84-Lehigh Ave and Stanford Street
S5-Near City Hospital
86-Cfeve1and. and rac Avenues.
81-Amboy and Hall Avenues.
92-Amboy Ave. n InsIee Stree.
e3-Lawrence and Francis Sfreefs-
s4-Nevifle and tombstone Streets
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
GRIPPE

The present influenza Is now known
to be u old familiar la grippe. FoIey's
ferer from influenza or la grippe needs
now. 1t covers the rough inhamed
throat with a soothing heaiine ooati~o
clears away the mucus. stops the tick
ling and coughing. eases the tightness
and heavy breathing. aDy and night.
(eeD Foiey's Honey and Tar handy. III
the very first dose Buy 1t now. Sold
everywhere.-Adv.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Old Glory.

Old Glory.
Today men gaze on you with pride,
Fly high. brave stripes, fly high!
Without you, Freedom would have
died,
Fly high brave Stars, fly hight
In every land on every sea,
Salute the flag of Liberty,
The Flag that set the whole world
free,
Fly high, brave Flag fly high
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
The Limit.

"My wife Is the most aggravating
woman in the world" complained Mr..
Naybor. "She nags me for an hour
every night"
San hour. sneered MI. Gabb. "Why,
YOU don't know what aggravation
means. My wife sleeps all afternoon
SO she can stay awake and nag me all
night"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Chase ProerastInation.

A distasteful duty is doubled by pro-
crastination. We suffer not only the
unpleasantness Of the actual doing. but
the scarcely less discomfort of pro-
longed d~reading.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
She. on Right, George!
lHouston Post.l

ROSI)
Say, Luke the Altrusa Club In Nash
Vile must be a dun kind of organiza-
ton. With our little friend Rosa May
Rust In charge of 1t we cannot predict
it's future.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
OH!

(Which one of those ~Suffragettes is
the famous Mrs. Mutt who tried TO
tear down the White House fiag?'
asked the stranger who was watching
a Stuff demonstration in washington:
THAT smooth shaven one, the third
from the end in the first row" replied
the Native.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Ever Meet Him?

A stingy cuss is Oswald Boyne.
To cuss words he'll give vent.
Because our nation has no coin
That's smaller than a cent.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29

G. K. wants to know II the o. 4.
guy who wore a newspaper for a chest
protector managed to escape the
Fluey.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Grave.


He stole a marble headstone in
A graveyard, did Dan Dense;
And then the boob said. with a grin:
This Is a grave offense."
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Strange.

"Our language is a joke" said Ben,
For, If q coward we meet.
We say that he hot-foots 1T, when
We mean he has cold feet.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Yumi Yumi

Miss Cherry Orchard and Miss olive
Orchard live on Sweetbriar avenue.
Nashville, Tenn.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Paw KNOWS Everything.

Willie-Paw, what IS courageE
Paw-Courage is something you al
ways have until you need it, my son.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
A Real Optimist.

Mark Tapley may have been some
punkins as an optimist. but he had
nothing on a tall Kentuckian VINO
worked for Don Dodge in the Ken
lucky oil district. The men slept In
a bunkhouse hat vas built of green
oak and the boards had shrunk and
left SPACES between them h a you
could see through. 1t was terribly
cold one night and the covers were
thin and some of the men were COM
planting about the open spaces in the
walls. "Oh, WE'LL" said the big Ken
tuckian, as he rolled over and pre-
pared to pound his ear. they one
good thing about sleepin' in here. You
don't hev t git out of bed to throw
the cat out"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Bits OfBy-Pldy

BY LUKE McLUKE
Copyright. 1918, the Cincinnati
Enquirer
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29
Wun!

Wuffi
laughed at old man Keeper,
He made a fool remark;
He says he's q light sleeper.
Bue he sleeps In the dark.
Luke McLuke.
II used to laugh at Mr.. Round.
But now I laugh no more;
He used to say his sleep was sound,
It is-I've heard him snorei
Boston Advertiser.
I smile when they say feathers
Is a heavy sleeper. quite:
But I know he sleeps on feathers
So he probably sleeps light
Newark Advocate.
OUGHT
Clarence Mayberry announces that
prohibition won't affect Army Cap
tains and Lieutenants, because they
carry their bars around on their Shout
ders.
Whoai
There is no Private Office at Head
quarters of the Dew. Bn. No. 3. Camp
Sherman. There was one. but he has
been made Corporal.
Names Is Names.
Annie Looper Butts lives in Mid
dlesboro. Ky.
Our Dailay Special.
Sting Not. Lest Ye Be Stung.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29

Our Dailay Special.
Sting Not. Lest Ye Be Stung'
Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-11-29

Names Is Names.
Annie Looper Butts lives in Mid
dlesboro. Ky.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
THE MONEY WILL BE NEEDED.

WEEK before the big drive for the united war work
fund is none too soon for the average to begin
preparedness for that event Those who will give their
time and energy to collect the needed money already
organized and thoroughly prepared for the campaign but
their work will he made easier and the OF the el-
fort assured those whose only duty to give will show
equal orehougl Be ready to give when the call comes
to give generously for those who have offered their ALL and
Oklahoma county easily subscribe its quota OF S5OO0
and the state its quota OF Sl,5mOO
And do not doubt that all the millions asked will b..
needed No one doubts that il will he needed il the
goe, on but II may he difficult to convince the civilian
that the need will he greater II the ends suddenly
But such is the fact and the truth OF the will not
he questioned by anyone all familiar with handling
troops An armstice will largely end the occupation Of
our troops abroad but months must follow before peace
treaties are signed and the return movement begin.
It will take year from the time It starts, and through
those weary month, Of waiting temptation will have a
greater chance to lure the soldiers into evil ways and
honescknes' larger opportunity wreck their morale
Discipline will be difficult to maintain and
able degree Of conenmsnt in The ranks hard problem for
ali concerned
Accordingly 'here will he the greater demand for the
entertainment the moral guidance the little comforts which
make fife worth while and all the kindly minisations
these united organization, osr And America for her own
ueres and the interest OF those Of her best who went
acro,, keep that best good To do so VIC must give
and give generously Il is debt which cannot be denied
obligation every person those soldiers have protected
with their lives. Unle" we land Of ingrate' tn,
money will he raised surely the money needed
Therefore he prepared to give and give again
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

With the epidemic abang influenza eonyalescens
should remember that the after effect, are sometimes
worse than the attack Of the disease itself The maady
leaves the patient in weakened condition and he should
be careful to take it easy get plenty Of and fresh air.
and abundance Of nourshing food Those are the toncs
needed and not the nostrums which are advertised as
tonc' but are apt to be niuriou, ,timulants The
old mans advc, to Jim when h, went to war apple, well
70 these cases: Take ketr Of yourself"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
Dott1Mr1y ~!
~A .p,vvn v
A Bit Related

Old Joshua, who held the sun
By militant command,
The while he made the forman run
To beat the cornet band.
Had nothing on our statesmen sage,
Who worked the classic Jaw,
And spread upon the Records page
A daylight saving law.
obstructive legislation Ike
our able Solons spun
Perhaps caused not tho sun 10 strike
As there at AJalon,
But anyhow II saved daylight
For many months and dRyr.
For those engaged in work or fight
And sundry other Jays.
Besides this modern method can
And does work both WAYS weu
In which II beats tho ancient plan
Which stopped the sun a spell.
For having, like the busy bee.
Improved our shining cline.
We set the Big Bens back and see
Again the good old time.
And, on the quiet. that Is what
We like about the scheme
An hour more. as like as not
In which TO snooze and dream.
And that Ia why we warble now
This somewhat timely lay.
Nor melancholy seams our brow,
And all is blythe and gay.
But that. Of course. Is only part
or merit thus revealed,
or statute which we deem 20 smart
or which thesp lines are spelled
Tor saving IN 50 very hard.
When everything Is dear.
Zen saving daylight helps a bard
And makes him shout and cheer
The forging a. you might have
pcctcd, was in our system a week
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
The Answer.

When Your billet is a barnyard and
your bed is crawling hay,
When its raining and you're out OF
luck and Clikely) out OF pay.
When the only girl you want TO see is
million miles away
What's the answer. KID
The answer is the old y. NJ. {. Al
II Il wasn't for the friendly Huts they
run up over night
Where a guy can find some smokes
and make place 10 read or write,
Or maybe see picture show or watch \
ten-round fight
Why, Kid, we'd all go dippy before wo
But don't you lose no sleep about ouT
funking any scrap
For your wise old Uncle Sammy knows
the way TO treat a chap.
When he's thc.world from Home
land is TO dot the muddy map
With mappy Red Triangles where the
U. 5. AS on tap.
They treat you like you'd ought to BE-
they treat you like a man;
They don't max, no distinctions, anl
they don't put any ban
On guy who's never signed Me- name
to no Salvation Plan ~
You're good enough for them II you're
| good American.
But believe me, Kid, there's times--well,
take my case the other day,
When a whit-bang kind Of shook me up
and made me wonder--ssy,
When you have 10 talk 10 somecae. an1
you don't know how 10 pray
What's the answer, Kidi e
TM answer b the Old Y. n. CA
o.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
Remember

Remember. when sou go 10 vote
That rounding up the cOlouels goat
VIII also show the universe.
The crown prince bad and kaiser worse.
That people OF the T. S A.
Approve the presidential way
~ making war on sutoCrats.
And kicking tyrants tn the slats.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

their mothers are beginning to deplorc
'hc stagnation Of educational activities
But the real vicisN,udeS OF this closed
season are reserved for the movie fans
Along with Ben King, they wall that
there is no place to 60 but out and
their anguish IS enough TO make strong
men weep
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Perfect health i' the ideal condition.
but something can he said for that stage
ot convalescence where one i' able 10
come downtown, but not quite well
enough 10 resume work.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

COLON, Columbia, Nov. 4.--Withoui
the firing Of shot, and amid scenes OF
great enthusiasm, the independence OF
the isthmus and the department Of
Panama was declared here today The
City Of Panama is now in the hand,
Of revolutioni'tS and no serious attempt
10 capture il has been made.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Polite, makes strange bedieow,, n smart para
graphcr remarked when eougre" passed the suffrage
amendment, hut it is quite likely that Damon Roosevelt
and P,hla Taft marks m, spot where they buried The
hach,l
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
Fifteen Years AGO.

Oklahoma City now has an oppor.
tunlty TO secure a large cotton mill
that viii be operated by an experienced
cotton mill man and give employment
to 900 operators, bring S2S0,t o Of east
ern capital to the city and directly add
about $500 to the present population Of
the CITY
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

definitely established It Lincoln, We believe, who
warned agan, swapping horses in mdsream, and the
warning is as pertinent and wise today half century
ago.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

As prophet, this J. J. McGraw,
who forecasts a republican victory
in Oklahoma, is undoubtedly 4
staunch republican.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

It safe bet that the gas companys campaign urg
ing people provide themselves with coal will not pre-
vent Mr.. Common People from panninE the gas company
when the shortag,
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Confidence Is important in many
matters, but il takes votes to win
an election.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Anyhow J. ! McCraw didn't predict that Turkey would
win tn, war ,ha, Colonel Roosevelt would congratulate
the president Their, ar. number Of other bum gue.s,s
he might have made,
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

It is gratifying to anticipate what those sixteen inch
naval guns empaced the banks Of the Rhine will do 10
Germanys great munition plants in tn. border cities
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Small BOYS and their sisters arc bear
ing up braycly under the ordeal oi
having the schools closed, although
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Nature is so kindly the donkey doesn't
realize its asininity
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

but, Icing \ casualty. our wing was In
no shape 20 tplng the blooming Tyre
and constant readers Of this column
also enjoyed a much needed vacation.
The skipper, 'eing us hack on deck
suggested that a oonvaleSoent column
conductor should be qualified 10 give
expert testimony or adequate deScrip-
ton Of this influenza thing A little
later, whea time has soitened the mem
ory. we may attempt it, but what We
think Of It Just now can hardly be
couched in diplomatic language or
tempered to suit household publlca.
tlon. Besides, a hymn Of hate seems
out Of place In this Popocatepetl OF
pleasantry Like other clouds how.
ever, it has its 5 l., which in this in
stance is getting over IL
Which recalls McAveny, company
cook in an infantry organization We
once knew well A veteran Of many
campaigns and more guard houses Nc
,eemed a confirmed soldier; sort Of had
the habit, as many old timers of the
regulars had. His explanation OF why
he always re-enliSted was that it was
uch a grand and glorious feeling "a
he discharged when his hitch wa'
ended
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
Old Stories
dzzNe3l'h4Pe' 3l'4P
Twenty Years Ago.

John Novy. a native Of Bohemia, wa,
granted naturalization papers yesterday
~ district court
Mrs Fred Sutton taught school yes
.erday IN place OF Mrs. Mary Couch.
Seymour Price has returned from
Quincy, Ill
The Rough Riders Of the city have
each received a very handsome bronze
badge. the gift Of Uncle Sam, Til.
badge state, that it was given for bray-
cry al the battle Of LaQuasira'
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04
Ten Years AKo.

The greater Oklahoma City spirit
prevailed yesterday when all three bond
issues for erecting new high school
and two hospitals were carried with
large majorites Conditions in the
high school had reached a deplorabls
state Built TO accommodate HS pu-
pills, no les, than 800 student, are
cared for at present, necessitatins con-
yertng the damp basement and ,tuffy
attic into class rooms. The building
will be located At Seventh street and
Robinson avenue and will occupy lc'
OOxl00 ieet.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Some relief is in sight, however.
for those interned BY quarantine regu-
larions Tomorrow is election day. and
awaiting the returns afford, an excuse
for staying out late when nothing else
nllers
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Voting /, duty as well as 4 privilege
Don't neglect It
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Il will also pain Colonel Roosevelt to learn that there I,
harmony in the allied war council
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

Miss Reua Wells Of Madisonville,
Hy, who has been the guest Of Mr..
and Mrs. a. l.. Welsh the past two
weeks returned home yesterday
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

LAVE you thought about your subscription
II TO the United War Work campaign You
will be solicited next week Think II out now.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1918-11-04

The forging {. you might hav, ,u'-
lccted, was in our system a week ago
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1918-03-10

to make any trouble for the govern
nsen5 or any intention of seeking
PREPARATION for damages incurred by the
barring of the metropolitan from the
nail.
If the postal authorities say it is all
a mistake said the publisher, ~ am
perfectly willing to regard the episode
in that light. But it is a most amazing
mistake when you take into considera-
ton that practically every newspaper
in the country has been publishing for
three or four days the announcement
that The Metropolitan was excluded
from the mail and that the April num-
Der also might be excluded
at is far from my intention to en-
barrass the government in any way by
seeking PREPARATION for damages which
| might fancy that the magazine sus-
tanned through this widespread adver-
Using as a purveyor OF articles nom
nailable under the espionage act. If
1t was simply a mistake it will be &C
cepted as such.
But l should very much appreciate
statement from Mr. Lamar to the
effect that the March issue of The
Metropolitan contained nothing. so far
as he knows. which would bar it from
the mail. And l should also like to
know, in view of the fact that Post
master Patten has been asked to ex-
amino future issues of The Metropoli-
tan sent for distribution through the