Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1918-06-17
Much Ado About Nothing
1t might be added that everybody should havc
| an umbrella handy to carry during air raids
BY ROY iI<. MOULTON.

|
1t might be added that everybody should have
| an umbrella handy to carry during air raids
There joyful rumor the other day
| To the effect that the Crown Ounce
| And eighty thousand men had been Captured
| Strange to say. some people believed it,
The only way they will ever get that bow
VIII be to go sixty miles behind tho fighting limo
| And dig down into subtcrranean duEout
| One hundred and sixty feet deep
| And then take opener and peel
| Him out of his puncture proof armor
| And then. after all that trouble,
J lie wouldn't be worth capturing
The Patent Office has n list OF over 2 nm .,,
| failing" devices to destroy U-boats seems no
| though now is the time to set about thousand
OF them in motion, saving the other thousand
for future purposes.
| The roublc with most of them howo,or &;
[ that they will do most anything except dcs,roy
! C-boatS
Street samins have adopted an abusive phrase
! which they think cmbodics the very essence of
| vituperation unspcakable:
y GU son of Il Hun"
One. of the sailors brought in from a torpedoed
sailing ship claimed that he had saved eighteen
| lives. e"e'
He had really saved two cats
IL your memory is good, Won douh+loe, ~
remember back to tho time when ladies were
zen IN street cars and other public places knit
lihs sweaters and things for soldiers
This war may some time be referred TO as
the lato unpleasantness"
AN iiliterate Wisconsin justice OF tho na,cs
used to consult what looked like law hol,
ou' "hieh was really mail-order catalogue
~ u"s coiored person was hailed before the
squiFe ior drunkenness. The squire heard tho
ev'aence' and then, after opening his book and
s'ancins at 1t, fined the prisoner s44o IN h
MoiHed out on the roads 25 cents a dav Ar
~ n.sfo was peng led away he said to the
,s''ai: Use sho an unlucky guy" "Unluckv
nothing. replied the marshal "If ,ho s;
; napPehed 10 open that book at automobilcs
instead OF pants, you'd be working on tho road
'he rest Of your life"
Opportunity knocks at your door NOT ,,
, o"e. OUT many times; but you needn't think
INA, nat opportunity is going to be a locksn,ith
prihS skeleton Key unlock vour door 1870
upstairs and pull you out of hed 49, eo'iie
N"s' your race, carry you downstairs and M,
~ ~ ~ an OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES automobile lust
III oruer TO start you on your way
ialkins machine discs can be used a. Ut.
pI".es: and this is the most satisfactory uso
90 "h'ch many Of them be put,
one great musical controversy is ,,
settled Is apparently
mere has long been Mccormack .car,.o
The friends of each claimed ,n,.
more money than the other nc inaoe
me truth is out.
mac wins His income tax is $40 ooo ,,-
than that of Enrico S''oV' hiGher
TOT sheer publicity nothing beats =. ;
tax very much ea's an income
Maurice the dancer for whom ,h ~,
."eS were named, rose pyrotecbnio,n NC
"u waiter TO dancing man who scr ro, IN
o'' "re' Now he has taken another su.oas aS
'' etr lie has enlisted as a nriv,,a -; 49, Al"
n army and is on his way TO Fr,no re
expects TO lead the Huns dance ana u.o t.,,1 ne
he will. a'o we believe
- mas cost the Kaiser lot moro 70 disco,...
'et'ca IMAM II cost Columbus
fastor Wagner, who wrote The s,i,,n,
.Ias 'ust passed away Wonder if he ever bnar,
socd? iousers half-
me walters ought TO make pood so,,;o
lheS are used to taking orders life r,....
copy. ie' picase
Many fellow mas been disappojnted =. ,o,o
'e''uSc he thought her Old man had none
II Hindenburs is desperately IN 40 o
MS Illness was not brought on by overa,t;,
Paris. - 'e'e"lihG IN