Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-12-23
TRY THESE COLUMNS
AND WATCH THE
RESULTS
HIS COSTLY DERBY
Abundant Reasons Why Owner
CIings to Headpiece.
Merely as an Investment II Must Be
Conceded az Deserving Care, and
10 Worthy Of Respect as
Thing Of Value.

1t Is only q plain derby. beginning
10 have the permanent dusklness Of q
peach. in spite of frequent trips to the
hat specialist for rehabilitation. II
has no claim whatever to any indlvid-
ualism, outside of the initials, which
are inside and don't show anyway. 10
does not do me Justice, either. Ana
at any angle I place 1t. 1t gives me q
topheavy appearance.
So why do I cling to lit Why2
Because anything that costs as much
money as that derby. deserves not only
care as an investment. but respect as
q thing of value. People don't laugh
OF the Kohinoor diamond. do theyf
They never poke fun at the Great
Ruby7 Then why should they DO
amused at my derby?
It cost a great deal Of money. The
first time / bought 1t, I e when I
selected It In the hat shop and paid for
II. supposing that 1t was wholly mine.
the price was four dollars. The pay
hat man gave me. at least to my SIM
pie, one-track mind. sole right and IT,
tie against all pretenders until the end
Of the world. But only a simple mind
could believe a thing like that.
Alas, like many other things In this
surprising world. 1t was not my derby.
II never has been and probably never
will be. For I have been buying IL
ever since the first sale In the shop,
almost like one does on the instalment
rlan. Only the instalment plan entails
q set expenditure each week or month;
you know just what 1t Is going to be
and can be prepared for II.
But when you get your derby from
q hat boy or hat girl In hotel. restau-
rant. theater or wherever the grafters
are permitted, you do not know what
II will cost you. 1t all depends on the
hsuteur of the hat boy or girl In
charge. Some of them have the ap-
pearance that anything rendered less
than fifty cents would be faux pas be-
yond thought. Then the surroundings
play such an important part in gaug-
ing the amount of blood money. or hat
money, just as you desire TO designate
1t. A mass of towering palms, much
marble and occasional rugs, means q
ransom. Less marble and only n or
two palms mean less indemnity. And
simple mahogany and no palm mean
ten cents.
Why do men ever select such q
piece Of headgear In the first placer
] know why they hang onto 1t after
they get 1t, but what can be the rea-
son for wanting one in the beginningf
They are not beautiful on or off the
head. They are hard to keep clean.
Also they dent very easily and grow
shabby without an effort. 1t is a mys-
terry.
There is no sentiment in my case
toward my derby. I respect It. the
same as I respect anything that costs
a lot Of money, but I don't love 1t. I
don't gaze at 1t with the tenderness
l bestow on my tulip bed. nor do l look
OF It with the fondness which my old
briar pipe inspires. These I would
rot part with.
But anyone who will advance to me
one-tenth the sum which I have paid
out may become the owner Of n
black derby, a trife fuzzy perhaps, but
still capable Of exciting the envious
eyes Of hat boys and hat girls.-Harry
Irving Shumway, in Judge.