Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1918-05-30
Command Of German Agents to
Put Hands Down Falls to
Get Approval.
America Has Never Resorted 10 War
Except 70 Avenes Insults and 70
Protect Herself Against
Mavraudera
By ELLIS PARKER BUTLER.

formation, Washington, D. CO.
Clean, unaduiterated nonsense can
always get a laugh from me. I love
It and SO do most Americans. re-
member one bit of Weber and Fields
seriously acted nonsense that always
left me gnsping for breath. 1t was
the s%illiest, most inconsequential bit
of acting that genius ever dared to put
In q show that cost the spectator s.
a seat. 1t was a prize fight between
Weber and Fields. and n Of those
matchless comedians showed the other
how to do 1t. They put up their
money and put on the gloves, and i'm
mediately the rank amateur began to
batter the wise one over the head. but
that was not the way to do 1t. The
wise one explained that that was not
ut MI the proper way to do 1t. He
explained that he would show the
poor amateur the right way. He
stood the poor amateur just where he
wanted him, turned his face to the
proper angle and then arranged his
hands. He stepped off md considered
the poor amateur hut he did not feel
just satisfied. He arranged the hands
again. placing them down Mt the sides
OF the poor amateurs legs. Then he
told him to keep them there. Then he
stepped up quickly md hit the poor
amateur a whale of n blow in the face
and knocked him clear across the stage
and into the wings. It was awfully
funny everyone in the house screamed
with Joy. The poor amateur was such
a fine example of supplemented, con-
fiding idiocy!
I have to laugh in the same uncon.
trolled way when I see the contiding
manner In which some Americans are
letting the willy hut treacherous Ger
mar peace p~ropagandists convince
them that we ought To let our hands
hang at u sides, turn Il faces ut
the right angle. and stand in idiotic
poses until we get the blow In the face
that will knock us into the wings. For
pure, unauthorized nonsense the act
being staged by the wise German
agents and the supplemented peace
lovers ia enough to make anyone sick
with laughing.
On the one hand Is a Germany IN
arms, with millions Of veteran soldiers
and an armament such as M man
dreamed Of 10 years ago. and, on the
other hand. u supplemented peace
lovers would have us pose as the poor
amateur. "Stand here. turn your head
this way. put your hands down at your
Sides" say the German agents, and the
purchased or infatuated peace propa.
eandists echo, "Stand here, turn your
head this way, put your hands down
at yonr sides" A fine future for the
great American nose II he did It'll
Germany Wants Control.
II America keeps her hands down,
she will he knocked not only into the
wings but off the stage. and of the
earth. With America ont Of the war.
the best TINT al be hoped Is n drawn
battle, ending with n "hands of"
peace, and leaving Germany, as the
saying Is. "all dressed mp and no
where to 60" Germnny's "all dressed
up" will mean a Germany dressed in
hardened. veteran armies. IN trained
commanders, In the finest possible mil
itary equipment, and with m untOuch-
ed navy, vast mir force, and no one
knows how many submarines. The
nowhere to 20" will mean Africa and
Asia, where Germany wanted to gain
nominations. Rut there will he one
place where Germany, "all dressed
up" a 20. She ran come to Amer.
Tea. She ~ come 10 South America
first. or to Mexico md that IA where
she will come and where she has
planned to come.
What happens when German agents
even partially convince a coodly mum.
her Of persons TINT the right way IL ia
turn the cheek md hold the hands
down n he seen In Russia. Russia IL
not q well.trained actor. She would
never get n Job playing n Weber.
Fields burlesque In n SO theatpr. She
will not keep her hands down when
the German agents tell her 10 mi
them down, hut she has lowered them
once or twice. Russia IL far, far from
happy.
! cannot believe that any sane per
son not In German pay cnn wish the
United States TO become ns Russia Il
today. but TINT Is exactly what wi,
happen II we listen 10 the German
agents md M ~ hands down now
Let me put 1t most slm,ly. The gren,
body Of Americans believe today, a.
they should. that our continued exist
ence depends m our own militar,
preparation. A small, noxious bod,
Ut German agents and rurbIind penc,
lovers are crying, "Put our hand,
down. Put our hands down I. Sun
pose ! listen to the cry and begin cry
Ing the snrne words. am added h
their number. cry, "put our hanl
down. Put our hands downs Wv
listen 70 me and arc added to Il,
number. You echo the cry. Surpor
themsjority of Americans comc Ia TIM
same way Of thinking. tn, mnjorit
rules and we do put our hands dow