The Butler weekly times and the Bates County record. (Butler, Mo.) 1918-1950, 1918-09-12
dele.tel

| thine: il is good thing for the
world generally that so many men die
before they become famous. y on see
we are spared the agony OF reading OF
the many cute things thev SAID and
did whel, a baby.
In these degenerate days OF prohl-
bition 1t would be pitiful (were II
not 50 blamed amusing) to see tW"
old topcrs meet and hear them eN'
patiate on the halycon days now for
ever lost to lis. The days OF the
stein and tlagon. The days OF the
mint juep and gin liz. Budwciser,
etc. say it would be pitful If ON
well, what's the use My own throat
is drier than the inside OF a vitrticd
brick
saw this question i'll paper
Should woman insist on having
an enlarged picture of former hus-
band put up in the sitting room II
her husband Objects" Now, don't
think i; would add an atom OF happ'-
ness to the deiunct hubby and quite
a bit considerably less pleasure to the
present incumbent to hang the PIC
ture in such conspicuous place. /
would say that for the peace OF mind
of the one who has laid aside the
cares and trials of all things earthly
ito say nothing OF his marital
troubltS) and passed on to the sweet
subsequently as well as Tor the happi-
ness OF the fellow who has had the
temerity to attempt to fill out the
"unexpired term of said former hr--
band it might be best to hang TIL
picture (if hanged it must be- either
in the basement or the attic. Never
in the sittin' room.
Occasionally you hear OF man
having stomach trouble-not often.
But nearly all women suffer from
this malady and have often Won
dered why. Here's the answer, lis
ten. | read OF Il woman being OPP
Grated on recently for stomach
trouble. Here is some OF the
causes" that were found: 1859 pins,
some belt buckles. hair pins, safety
pins, an iron hook. and paper
clamp. some horse shoes. cork
screws and safety razor. Why she
was veritable shrapnel shell and
should be prosecuted either tor
boarding hardware or carrying con
cealed weapons.
Here's three cheers for the boys
Who have gone over there.
Here's grip OF hand that S true,
Here's a smile for the MANNED
For the dying a tear;
They are fighting for me and you.
Collecting is a pleasant fad, but
that American boy who got 10 Ger
man bullets under his skin at the
same time overdid the thing.-St.
Louis Republic. Err, yestkinda got
lead poisoning, SO to speak.
Well, the circus arrived and de-
parted and | failed to get place
with the other animals. Last season
the circus wanted a Campbell (they
don't spell it that way thought and
l applied for the place. They wanted
one who could go eight days with
out drink. didn't suit. This last
show wanted an educated camel
and again l failed to qualify. Just
my luck. l told the manager there
were some other educated animals
runnin' loose around town but he said
that he had all the educated hogs he
needed.
was asked: How many feet in
a mile?" WELL" says /, "the last
mile l walked had s282 feet in it."
How, now" said my inquisitive
friend, where did you get the extra
two feet?" Why" says !, Il had
'em with me-" (The doctors say he
may recovery
The other day in the Times office
I made the remark "It's not strange
to me that the French are fightin' 50
fiercely." The devil" promptly
asked me why. Because" said I,
'''the town Of Ham is just in front Of
'em." p. S.-Wanted, another devil
Times office.
It don't jar me none whatever
when ] meet an ugly man. Land
sakes, no. l see one every time l
look in = looking glass. Bet I Just
can't help feelin' sony for homely
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