The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1918-11-28


/ H i N 0 R
Thompson-sI woke up last night with
the feeling that my gold watch was gone.
The impression was so strong, got upto
look
well, was it gonei'
Thompson-"No,>b but it was going.
Sunday Golfer-''S Something has put me
eff my game this morning, caddie. .
Caddie-''Its them church bells, mister,
they hadn't ought to be allowed
As troop train from Texas halted, a big
dusky negro poked his head out of the
window and asked of c. R. S. ''Say, boss
what town you all call dis?"
''St. Louis"
''And, boss. what state is dis heah?''
'Missouri-St. Louis, Missouri
Swell, we'll All dun been travelin' on
dis yere train TO- foah days an foah nights.
Where de debbil am dis hyah France dey
ALPS talkin' bout, anyhow"
Ole Nanny Lie was busting the South
ern woman's drawing-room. She came to
small bronze bust of Shakespeare, and be-
gan carefully going over it with her rag.
''Miss Juliet, chile, who am dis yere gem
muml''
"That is Shakespeare, Lie, wonderful
poet, who died centuries ago.
e'Dat him, miss? Use done hyear O.
Mistah Shakespeare lot O. times. Every
body seems to know him. Deed l done
hyear so much bout him dat allus thought
he was white gemmum.''
Begger-'Please, sir, I've a sick wife
could you help me out?'
Passerby-'I can give you job next
week.
Begger-"Too late She'll be able to
go to work herself by them
Wife-''My dear, left my thimble in
the pocket of my new dress, and / wish
you'd lun upstairs and
Husband" Now, see here, I'm not GO
| ing off on any such job as that
"How foolish you are. Nothing is easier
than finding the pocket in dress. All you
have to do is slip it on
''Slip what oni''
''The dress of course. But you needn't
try to button it, you know
ooh, needn't"
emo; slipping it on is enough
"Well, then whatl"
"Use common sense, of course. All you
have to do after the dress is on is to dive
down and crosswise and little slanting,
and up and around, Just as you see ladies
do in shop, and your hand will 60 straight
into the pocket"
| First Age-Sees the earth.
Second Age-Wants it.
Third Age-Starts to get it.
| Fourth Age-Decides to be satisfied with
half of it.
Fifth Age-Becomes still more moderate.
Sixth Age-Now, content to possess six
foot by two strip of it.
Seventh Age-Gets that strip.
Mr.. Brown-''I had queer dream last
night, my dear. thought l saw another
| mon r,,pr;rr oH NTH vnn -
Mrs. Brown-"And what did you say to
him!''
Mr.. Brown-s'I asked him what he was
running for
A negro drill sergeant was addressing
squad of colored rockies under him. He
said: 81 wants you niggers to understan'
dat you is to cary out all o'ders giben on
de risin' reflection oh de final word OBJ COM
man. Now when we's passin' dat re-
viewin' stan, at de comman' Eyes right!'
wants to hear ever' nigger's eyeballs click"
A maiden lady of uncertain age become
very indignant when the census taker
asked how old she was. s'Did you see the
girls next door," she asked = ''the Hill
twins!''
Certainly - replied the census man.
"And did they tell you their age?''
''Yes."
"Well," she snapped, "I'm just as old
as they are!'
"Oh, very WE'LL said the census man
and he wrote in his book: Sarah Stokes,
as old as the hills.
Inquiring Lady-"How much milk does
your cow give day1"
Truthful Boy "About eight quarts,
lady,
Inquiring Lady-"And how much of
that do you sell?'
| Truthful Boy "About twelve quarts,
lady,"