Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-12-24

Bits of By-Pldy
BY HUKE McLUKE
Cop. right, 1918. the Cincinnati
Enquirer
Advice.
You will not have cause for sorrow
You will never know dismay;
If you'll put off till tomorrow
Mean things you could say today.
Paw Knows Everything.
WillIe-Paw, what Is q solitaire?
Paw-The first stepping stone tc
matrimony, my son.
Correct.
Friend. listen to my little song,
Don't sneer, and do not snort;
You'll find that you Will get along
If you are never short.
The Point of View.
Every cloud has its silver lining
said the Optimist.
Every silver lining has its clogd,'
commented the Pessimist.
The Limit.
An awful crouch is Oswald Race,
1 hate TO hear him rave;
For I have heard him blame his face
Because 1t needs a shave.
Obi
IT wish there were more married
men like Mr.. Enpeck," said Mrs
Gabb. "He has such a good dispose
ton"
He has to have" growled Mr.
Gabb. His wife won't stand for an
other kind"
when men are friends" said old mar
Bliss,
They drink and talk and treat;
But, bless their hearts, they do moi
kiss
When they meet on the street"
But You Are Not the Government.
The Government can take 23 cents
worth of nickel and copper and make
$4.55 worth of f1ve-cent pieces.
Once a Hun, Always n Hun.
There seems to be a disposition to
let up on the beasts who ravished Bel
glum and to show chivalry to a con-
oue~ed foe. And now we see hat Ger
many is protesting against her air
plane factories being turned into fur
nitnue factories. She brazenly de
that the factories be left as
they are, so that she can manufacture
airplanes for the next war;" The
moral is that you should take
foot off a Huns neck once you
have him down.
Them Was the Happy Dogs.
Scientists who have made ancient
Egypt a study tell us hat the ancient
ptian noblemen lived to be 12(
years old because he took life easy
He had at least 100 wives to wait or
him, fan his head and scratch the
soles of his feet. His wives were also
to battle him with perfum'
water several times a day. He had
his meals served to him as he loungec
in bed, and he drank 100 jars of BEEF
day. And it wasn't t~wo-per-cenf
beer, either.
Haw, Hawi
We once knew a preacher who dis
liked several of the fiippant member
of the choir, who giggled and whis
pered all through his Sunday sermons
SO one Sunday morning as Don as thu
choir had ended the anthem. thu
preacher arose and said: Now, thu
uproar has ceased!' And he used thii
text for his The cheir mem
bers were very silent through thu
and as soon as the preachel
had ended and sat down the choil
arose and sang: NOW 1t Is Higf
Time to Wake From Sleep!"
What's the Answer Lake?
re A1lx- .oAafG n hnAU
When we're through with rye,
a body trust a body
If there's naught to buy?
Newark Advocate.
If a body meets a body
When we're through with rye.
will drink a blind pig toddy.
Then lie down and die.
Here He ISL
BROOKLYN BRIDGE
to announces that he has com
menced the general practice of law II
Ohio, and vicinity.
Names Is Names.
Burly Curd lives at Wilmore, Ky.
Our Daily Special.
You Can Always Punish a Man b,
Him Have His Own Way.
Luke McIuke Says.
The maddest animal In creation is
Reformer who suddenly finds himself
the subject of Reform.
1t Is wonderful how sweet a wo'
mans voice can be when she Is talk
ing to some other woman h hates
ANOTHER remarkable thing is how {
man is never anxious to stay married
the way he is to get married.
Nobel was a smart man. The onl,
why he didn't offer a Nobe
prize to be awarded TO the man who
minded his own business for a yea
- ~ $50