davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
Our Weekly Fable In Slang
By BARTON RICHARDS

This education thing is quite some
institution. If it want for education
we never would have heard of T.
Roosevelt or Jim Thorpe, and we would
still be eating pie out of our fist. Oh,
there are lots of things we can score
up against this education, for instance
thu twelve course dinner or dyspepsia.
But on the other Land there's a limit
Look at one of these farmer boys who
is exposed to education in the little
old red school house for a few years,
and then goes to college for 4 years
and comes out with a degree tackled
onto him that sounds like a well known
brand of underwear, and proceeds to
get a corner on all the money in the
world. And then the chances are that
some day when he goes into a restau
rant frat brother of his waits on his
table So you can't always tell. Educa-
ton is either a help or a hindrance,
If you don't believe it take a a slant at
this little old American army.
/ always have to throw in my clutch
for fear of busting out in a IL clyii.der
laugh when 1 think of Company G..
Company you know is from our town
and has two acquaintance of mine in
it's roster, who because it isn't their
names. we will call Harold Smith and
Bill Thompson.
Harold certainly had a half nelson
on this education argument. He had
so many degrees hung on him that he
used up couple of alphabets. and in
college he belonged to all the frater
mites including the Kappa Kappa Pa
1amas and the Eta Bitae Pies. He talk
ed Greek so fluently that the Greek
restaurant owner offered him a job,
and as for French he could Farley Woo
F'ransay just like an order of French
fried potatoes. Taking him by and
large (mostly large because he never
would buy) lie was the ne plus ultra.
the farthest south. In other words, in
classic lore, that our metropolis of
1000 boosted of.
Now Bill Thompson was out of luck
in the education melee. He was the
Charybdis of the we'll known firm of
ScyIla and Charybdis, or in the classic
description of Smitty, he was one of
the Hoi Polloi, a member of the great
uuwashed. All the history he ever stud
led was the history of the National
League and when you commenced talk
ing of Bismarck he thought you were
referring to herring. AS to music. he
was once asked his opinion of Wagner
and he replied that he thought he was
the best shortg+op In the world So
there you have a picture of our two
friends
When the draft came along Haroln
and Bill were as close in the list as
z a. s and sure enough they got to
camp about the same time and just by
luck they drew the same company.
Give them both credit for literary as
pirations, they used their spare time
in reading. The difference was that
Harold read Ibsen and Bill read the
manual of arms. When the time came
to classify each rookie Harold admit
ted that he was philologist, psych-
ologist and aside from q few other
things, an engineer, and so in line with
the policy to give every man an OPP
portunity to work at his line. he was
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
LOOKING FORWARD.

He was strikingly handsome figure
in his uniform as he started out upon
his round Of farewell calls.
And you'll think of me every single
minute when you're in those stupid old
trenches? questioned the sweet young
thing upon whom he first called
He nodded emphatically. EVERY
minute"
"And you'll kiss my picture every
night"
'Twice night" he vowed, rashly,
patting the pretty head on his shout
der.
And write me long. long letters?"
she insisted.
Every spare minute have" he re-
assured her. and hurried away to the
next name on his list.
There were ten in all who received
his promises.
When 1t was over he sighed 81
hope" he murmured YEARLY, ''there
won't be much fighting to do over
there I'm going to be so tremendous
ly busy"
nnd0u
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
SYSTEM.

Patient Look here, Doc! You told
me you were going to cut out my APP
pendix, but the nurse says you oper-
ated on my liver!
Surgeon: Confound that office girl
of mine! She's been mixing up my
card index files again!
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
HIS TRAINING.

Officer: How did you happen to at
tain such proficiency In bayonetting
when you have never had any prev
ious army experience?
Recruit: got 1t in a boarding house
reaching the length Of the table for a
piece Of steak.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29

one with a note pinned to it saying it
was knitted by a man.-Detroit Free
Press,
"The King of Germany" announced
the teacher of a solemn voice, lis call
ed the Kaiser. Now, can any of you
tell me what the ruler of Russia is
-called?"
"The Gar" roared the class.
"And what is the Cars wife known
as?"
only two voices answered this time.
1.-THE Czarina."
"Ah!" said the teacher. cycling his
flock fondly. "That is very good Now,
who will tell me what the Cars chill
dren are called?"
"Czardnes" yelled one little boy,
triumphantIy, while the master wept.
-Tit-Bits.
First Picket Here came twenty
Germans to attack us, Bill, L guess
I'll start for the rear.
Second Picket; You amt going to
desert your pal Hike that are you?
"'Tain't that, Bill. But | want to
give the Boches sportin chance"
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
Grin-AidS

'How often does your road kill a
mann" asked a facetious travelling
salesman of a Central branch conduc-
tor the other day.
Just once" replied the conductor.
Two men were hotly discussing the
merits of a book Finally one of them
himself an author said to the other,
mo, John, you can't appreciate it.
You never wrote a book yourself"
mo" retorted John, "and l never
laid an egg, but I'm a better judge of
an omelete than any hen in the
state"
what class in the draft are you
in?"
"Class b."
whats that?"
'Iu be there when I'm called. be
there when it comes time to go over,
and be there when we come back
Bob: Pop, did they have any school
in the Dark Ages?"
Bob's Pop Il suppose they had
Knight schools, my SON"
ABBREVIATED VERSE.
We once knew a poor young DR.
Who had q gold watch, but he Hr.
He bought seats for q show,
But the maid couldn't go,
And what replied must have Shr.
Princeton Tiger.
Pail Mall: as that friend Black of
yours hOnest?"
Fatima: Honest? Why he wouldn't
even skin O. banana"
Punch Bowl.
"why is an American army like ten
times ten?"
GO on, I'll try to laugh"
Because 1t makes Hundred"
-AWgwan.
"And in that battle" continued the
speaker, "My head was grazed by a
bullet" He pointed in pride to his
very bold pate.
Voice from the gallery: mot much
grazing there now"
Marquette Tribune.
Young Lady: "Why it's only six
o'clock and / told you to come after
supper"
FATTY" Langsten; "That is what I
came after"
"Say, what's the matter? This cof-
fee tastes awfully muddy"
Well you see it was ground this
morning"
New National Army Man Gate of
italy,: Halt!
Second Lieutenant halts.
New N A: "Halt!"
Second Lieut.: 'Weii you damned
fool I'm halted, what do you want me
to do?"
New N. A.: me don't know Orders
to say Halt" three times, then shoot"
First Soldier lin the trenches): Amt
that just my Iuck2
Second Soldier: What's the matter
now?
First Soldier: With all the pretty
girls there are in the States knitting
sweaters for soldiers I have to draw
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-05-29
roo BUSY FOR DETAILS.

Old Lady: Why can't the Admiralty
tell us how many submarines have
been sunk?
Jack: Well. y'see, mum, we can't
spare enough divers to walk about the
bottom of the sa and count 'em!
Sailors Magazine.
81 thought you said the foreign gink
was spy and that he was to be shot
at sunrise"
so he was, but fog butted in, and
they wasn't no sunrise.
-Tife
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
MR.. JOHN J. REEDER PASSED
AWAY YESTERDAY AFTERNOON

After years of suffering, Mr.. John
j. Reeder passed away yesterday af-
ternoon at the Morrell hospital. The
funeral services will be conducted at
the chapel Of the Gentry Undertaking
Co. tomorrow afternoon at 4:3O
O'Clock, Rev. Wallace Wear in charge
IEterment will be in the city Gene
terry.
Mr.. Reeder came here two or thret
years ago from New York State. IL
health had kept him confined to hi
home the greater part of the time
where he was lovingly cared for b,
his devoted wife. He leaves, beside
his wife, ten married children t
mourn his loss. None of them will b
able to come to the funeral, as a.
are too far away IN their grea
loss, the family have the deepes
sympathy Of their friends.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
200 MORE MEN CALLED
AS POLK COUNTY'S QUOTA

Call No. 794 was received by Clerk
OF the Exemption Board Walter II.
Lewis this morning. The order is for
white men from Class | only and
reads as follows: During the five
day period beginning July 18th, com
plete the entrainment for Camp Shell
by at Hattiesburg, Miss, of $50 white
men physically qualified for general
military service This call must be
filled from men within Class /. If
practicable the provisions of circular
OF March 18th relating to men active
'1y engaged in planting and cultivation
of crops should be complied with but
if a local board is unable to fill its
iailotment from within Class | due tC
compliance with said circular, II will
proceed to select such farmers as II
its Judgment can best be spared
Polk county is asked to send 20t
.men which is the largest allotment o
any county in the state, Holmes coun
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
Ldkeland'S War Savings
Totals Reached sos, 900
Last Night; VIII Go Higher

solicitors by increasing their list OF
acquaintance, in increasing their con-
fldence and lettering their opinions Of
their fellow men and in filling them
with pep and high purposes for the
future tasks before them.
In future issue, the final reports
will be published. These will show
the amount in pledges subscribed by
each district. The colored popula-
ton and several committees are yet
&c make their reports. Meanwhile, ev-
cry citizen of Lakeland should be
grateful to those who have undertake
en- the War Savings campaign-thi
Lakeland Lodge of Elks, who volun
teered their services and whose com
mittees engineered the campaign
chairman C. w. Deem of the Elk
fcommittees and all who assisted him.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

War Savings Day" came to a
close with a total of purchases and
pledges passing $4,000. The team
members, filled with pep and high
purposes, are still on the job, and this
evening will probably see Lakeland
pass the 100000 mark. Pledges are
being sought, and the postoffice sales
are maintaining a high average. $780,
600 is the quota for Lakeland, and the
campaign, just closing, is putting
Lakeland in a position where she can
go over the top befor Jan. LIST. Jan.
LIST is the time limit. By that date
Lakeland will have sold her quota,
and you will have bought your share.
II you have not yet why not now You
may expect to be called upon to sub
scribe for your share from time to
time until you have subscribed.
The Campaign has been of great
benefit to Lakeland. 1T has been the
means of selling War Savings Stamps
|, which help in winning the war; i
has been a means of teaching the citi
ems the lesson of thrift, which lssol
| when learned and practiced will bene
| fit both the individual and his com
! munity. 1t has been the means o
educating the people as to what tn
government rightfully expects of then
and it has been the means of showin
the people something OF the conf
. Gence the government has in them ]
respecting their honor in meeting OF
4 legations; it has been the means .
: exposing those who would ride in
> wagon without putting shoulder
the wheel-athough Lakeland is
be congratulated upon the small nun
v her of "Yellow Cards" to be posted
it has been the means of helping tt
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Rev. w. E. Pugh, pastor Of the
Grace Lutheran church, leaves Mon
day or Tuesday for St. Petersburg,
where he will make his future home
with his excellent family, having
been called to the Luthern church OF
that city as pastor. In bidding us
goodbye this morning, Rev. Pugh
took occasion to say that never was
he in a town where newspaper gave
such unlimited space to the churches
as does the Telegram, and that he
especially appreciated the assistance
rendered him by this paper during
his pastorate. The Telegram man
agement believe there is no better
news than that furnished by the
churches, and while many papers
charge full advertising rates FOL
church advertising, this paper vii
not accept any money for any item
that will help further the cause o
Christianity, regardless of denomina
ton or creed.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
NEWS FROM LIEUT..
SPESSARD HOLLAND

Lieut. Spessard L. Holland, OF
Heavy Artillery in France, writes IN
terestingly of a visit to Paris, saw
something of the damages wrought by
the German long range gun, tells OF
having made several flights in air
planes, for observation purposes anu
that this is a real interesting part OF
his work. He states that one OF his
old boy friends, Latta Law, grandson
of General r.. M. Law, is with him,
and is an expert aviator. Spessard Is
now Brigade Judge Advocate, and has
been appointed athletic officer of his
command-Bartow Record.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
EVERYTHING IS
LINING Up fine
FOR BIG 4TH OF
JULY CELEBRATION

The committees are all at work ar
ranging details for the big Fourth or
July celebration to be held here next
Thursday, and which will attract the
whole county to Lakeland on that
day. Reports from Barlow, Winter
Haven, Fort Meade, Mulberry and oth-
er towns indicate that tremendous
crowd will be here to take part in the
celebration.
The days program opens with big
parade, which starts at 10 o'clock.
Besides the five companies of Home
Guards of the county, there will be
in line lodges, Red Cross contingents,
decorated automobiles and floats, the
Rotary Club, and many other oIgani-
cations.
Following the parade and partici-
mated in before and after dinner WI
be sports of all kinds. Instead OF hav-
ing these at the Ball park, these anus
ing features will be staged right on
the main business thoroughfares
principally on Main street and Ken
lucky avenue, where the thrOngs can
watch them without inconvenience.
At noon the Home Guards, about
400 strong, will be served tempt
ing lunch at the Elks' Club, made pos
sible by the generous hospitality OF
the Lakeland business men.
In the afternoon, probably begin
ming about 3 o'clock battalion drill
will be held at the Ball park, which
: is always an impressive sight.
The Decorating committee will &C
E to Tampa Monday and get decorator
\ from there to come out and decorate
the streets and store fronts with bunt
ing flags, ETC., and all merchants ar
requested to begin to plan patrioti
window displays for that day.
4 The advertising committee Is GOV
ering the county today with full pag
k flaming posters and also are tackin
large cardboard posters up on tree
II all over the county, which tell OF tn
d big day Lakeland is going to have
&c Everyone can well plan for a big da.
J. big crowd and big celebration, q
l. Lakeland will go over the top in thi
10 as she does in everything else.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

DR., H. W. Wilmer, of Bradentown
State livestock inspector, is in Lake
land on an official visit, and while
here is stopping at the Kibler. DR..
Wilmer states that he has discovered
about 40 cases of cholera among hogs
rear Lakeland, and he is going to
treat them with serum All DR.. Wit
rler charges for is the serum the re
mainder of his expenses being paid by
the State. Any raisers of stock wish
ing to communicate with DR.. Witmel
should see him or leave a message fol
him if he is not in, at the Kibler
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
WRIT RETURNABLE JULY 10TH
STRAIGHTFORWARD ELECTION SUIT

On Wednesday the mandarnus case
of S. G.. Sloan VS. the Polk County
Canvassing Bard, to enforce the re-
counting of some election precincts
and the throwing out of others, was
begun before Judge Edwards at Lake
land. Whitney, Spencer and Bryant
represented the plaintiff and l.. c..
Johnson the defendants. Several hours
were taken up by the attorneys 1
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Raymond, the bright young son Of
Mr.. H. l.. Cutler, had the misfortune
to get his hand badly mashed yester.
day afternoon in one of the presses
at the Child Printery, where the lad
was employed. Three fingers of the
right hand were badly mashed one
being broken Raymond was feeding
envelopes into the press, and one
slipped down and without thinking
he ran his hand into the press after
it, whereupon the press, driven by
electricity, closed up on the member
It is earnestly hoped that the injur
les will heal rapidly and completely
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Druggist Tom J. Knight and l.. W.
Mott weye in Lakeland Tuesday eve
ming taking the initiatory degree IN
the elegant swimming pool of Lake
lland Lodge, B. P. O. E., of which
thew are members, 1t is understood
that Mr.. Mott has been recommended
as Official postmaster for the lodge, bur
inst what the duties are cannot be
at this time. PLANT City
Courier.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

The colored people of Lakeland
nave raised $1,3O5 for War Savings
Stamps. The committee raising this
amount was composed of Rev. A. l..
Bunson, chairman, assisted by Rev. S
}. Johnson, Rev. j. M. Mills. Rev
VIM. B. Marshall, W. G. Daniels
Gussie Washington, Jas. Thomas, ]
Simpson, Mrs G. B. Hector, Prof
w. A. Rochelle, S. Hunter and Jno
Jacobs.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
THE "LIMIT CLUB"
CONTINUES TO GROW

War Savings Day returns gives the
names of eight additional members of
the Thousand Dollar Limit Club Mrs.
IC. Cardwell A. H, DeVane, d. G..
HELLER. o. M. Eaton, B. E. Belts, E.
H.. Cook, State Bank of Lakeland,
Peoples State Bank.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Mr.. Roberts, who lived at the home
OF Mr.. Bryant, 1901 North Massachu-
sets avenue, passed away at 1870 this
afternoon, after a years illness of
cancer of the throat, The body will
be shipped tomorrow to the deceased s
old home at Freeman, N. G..
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Among popular Lakeland visitors in
Tampa yesterday was Mrs. William
Steitz, the Tribune correspondent
there, Mrs. Steitz was a member OF
a marty motoring to one of the near
by beach resorts. The other members
Of the party were Mrs. Edwin Spen-
GER ,Jr., and two children and Mrs.
r. B. Terrell. They will return tC
Lakeland the first part of next week
Tampa Tribune.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Mr. L. B. Bevis left this morning
|, 81 Louis, Mo-, where he goes to
,aend the annual meeting of the
.,lesmen of the Barnard & Coggs-
al, Co., of which concern he has
..cn the Florida representative for
,eyeral years.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Rev and Mrs Smith Hardin ar
entertaining Mr.. Hardin's two it'll
nephews. Joe and Harvey Hardin. and
niece, Janet Hardin, from the Metho-
dist orphanage at Enterprise. Har-
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Mr. and Mrs. w. F. Malcolmn have
from a ten days trip
Lake, Orange and Seminole
counties, Mr.. Malcolm being on one
If his regular rounds supplying the
needs of the populace
along the route. He reports fine
business.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
MARRIAGE LICENSES

The following marriage licenses
have been granted since our last is
'sue:
W. F.. Rye and Miss Matte E. Ste
yens.
| A. G.. Mercer and Miss Clifton Hen
derson.
+ Stephen L. Montgomery and Miss
Annie Belle Smith.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Murphy Trammell who has been in
the Napy for the past two years is at
home on furlough. For the past thir-
teen months he has been stationed at
Q French port.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Mrs. Paul Gardeners many friends
I'll be glad to learn that she will
each Lakeland Monday night from
ui,lsdale, Mich, where she went three
,eeks ago to lay to rest the remains
4, her beloved husband.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
Lakeland LacOnics

4 obn Franklin Coleman left yester-
|, for Shelton, South Carolina,
Lore he goes to visit his grand
Liner, G. w. Coleman, until the mid.
|, Of September.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

Mr.. D. H, Sloan went down to at
tend the fifth Sunday meeting of the
hopewell church, which is in session
today at Plant City.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

vey will make his home Indefinitely
with his uncle and aunt. Janet has
been quite sick for several days, but
Is now improving -Ocala Star.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

mr. A. P. Montague, President of
|,nmbia College at Lake City, spent
;, night here enroute to Plant City,
"A while here was a guest of the
sdel Staten.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

ty comes next with a quota OF 70.
Mr.. Lewis and his assistants are
busy sending out notices to these men
Barlow Record.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
THIS is THE "YELLOW" CARD

Mr.. Kaiser Bill,
Berlin, Germany
Declines to make pledge to buy War
Savings Stamps to help his govern
ment, and gives as his reason that he
refuses to contribute toward his own
funeral expenses.
UNCLE SAM, Solicitor
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

statements and arguments and at four
o'clock by mutual agreement the case
was continued to July 10th. SO far
each side seems confident Of success.
Barlow Record. .,
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
LAKELAND SHOWS
Up fine IN
RECRUITING
ACTIVITY

The following men were accepted
and rejected at the Lakeland Recruit
ing station during the month of June
Ivy Recruiting officer, j. Tichner.
This is a splendid showing for Lake.
land, and also for the recruiting Off
Ger who is a courteous and gentle
manly young man, who has made
many friends during his stay. The list
follows:
Men Accepted
Thomas V. Snively, Ting. Trans. Co.
Louis P. Moore, Eng. Trans. Co.
John B. Staten, Eng Trans, Co.
Clifford Urwiller, Eng. Trans. Co.
Josh l.. Stone, F. A.
Herbert Macklin, Signal Corps.
Delma ]. Chapman, @. NJ. Corps.
Burt Murrell, Eng Trans, Co.
! Ebert w. Roberts
| Curtis Belt.
| Claud Austin.
William D. Mallon, @. NJ. Corps.
John B. Williams, C. A.
Thomas NJ Miller, O. Nj. Corps.
George B. Walker, Sig. Corps.
Dewey Hicks, Med. Dept.
Wogan S. Badcock, Med. Dept.
David F. Walker, @. M. Corps.
Rejected Men
Walter A. Wilson, Am. Corps
John G.. Turbeville, Am Corps.
Andrew Lithgow, @. M. Corps.
Henley Il. Combs, M. d.
Earnest Jones, r. A.
Leroy Austin, Eng. Trans. Co.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29

ralf the coarse brutality, the SEN
sa,sness. the egousm, the seillsh-
mass Of the man who has sacrificed
more blood than has been shed
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1918-06-29
Morning 10 and ll:3O
Children l5c Adults Csc
TIE BEAST OF BERLIN

"The Kaiser-The Beast OF Berlin
comes at the psychological time.
In a screen time of one hour and