davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19
Our Weekly Fable In Slang
By BARTON RICHARDS

In this job of making the world safe
for the Democracy, we've got rid of a
heap of things that we used to have.
For instance the 100 per cent wheat
loaf, the Car of Russia, and it isn't
going to be long before another old
time honored institution, our old
friends Tom and Jerry will be as scarce
as harmony in the Austrian cabinet
This Hooverizing business is Just like
the realm Of music. They put the
Fritz on Kreislers playing and Freed
a Hempel girl from warbling which
claim is all to the tobacco, but as long
as they insisted on putting the clamps
on some of them, they might as well
have gone the INIT and put the soft
pedal on some Of these amateur With
erspoons that insist on showing up
along about $3.50 p. m. every night.
Talk about your alien enemies, these
birds come in about class h. And the
worst part Of it is that they snow no
signs of their infirlity during the day,
but just as soon as the stars show up
for the first inning and after the
last edition of the evening pape~ is out
these Warblers tune up? Fine dope.
After a hard days work down town and
a harder days work getting a car out
to 59th street, you finally get home
and after giving the war bread the
double 90 and the juvenile steak that
the butcher slipped the wife has receiv-
ed the proper attention you drag out
the evening Bulletin and proceed to
light up the old dudeen to enjoy life
You get me, you settle back in the old
morris and elevate your number tens
up on the window ledge, after diplo-
matte relations hav- cen strained with
the wife, explaining to her that your
feet are tired, and you're just about
on the third column Of the spo. page,
when over about the third fla to the
left you hear what you at first de-
eide is the neighJOTs boy filing asaW
and then after you listen a while you
come to the conclusion that the kid
has been loading up IN green apples
and then after min lite or so, you de-
eide that you were wrong all together.
there's a board loose on the house and
nails are squeaking.
All wrong as usual. It's our friends
with the ten cent voice and the mil
lion dollar imagination singing an aria
from one of these operas that were
written by some chap who needed a
haircut and whose named sounded like
a heavy sneeZe and a gargle.
I remember when our neigEbOrhOod
was as free from that pest as Lake Erie
is from submarines and outside of a
friendly argument between some of
the neighborhood women occasionally
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

when somebody borrowed tn lawn
mower and forgot to bring it back, har-
mony was the keynote Of the ward.
But that was before the war.
Along about the time Italy jumped
into the fuss, there was a chap came
to board next door but one to us. Out
side of the fact that he needed a hair
cut and his name was blocked out in
sentences there was nothing dangerous
)king about him.
/ forgot all about the new boarder
until about three days after he thrust
himself upon our fair ward, and then
he introduces himself l had just
draped my sylph like form over the
porch swing one evening and had
things all set for three hours of real
enjoyment when the most unearth1y
noise rent the peaceful summer at
mosphere. / thought at first that some
body had stopped a revolving door
with their face and ! was for calling
the Doctor when the wife slipped me
the glad tidings that it was the new
bOarder taking his lesson. 1t sounded
to me like he was taking poison or a
walloping. First he would open up
with a tremolo stop effect and after
coasting along for a mile or so, he
would step on the gas and drift into a
mt ana miss arrangement that sound
ed like a forty horse power auto that
had 80 of the horses down with the
orizoot and heaves and then from
there he gave us a good imitation of a
March wind doing a one step through
the trees. Pretty soon he stops for
gas and I thought we had finished
with the performance but it seems that
this was just a prelude to what was
coming. He started up on a different
line this trip, the wife said he was
singing an aria, although how large
an aria she didn't say. The nearest
thing | ever heard to it was home
sick cow that a neighbor of ours bought
one time before we gave the rural life
the fond farewell
And that's why I say Hoover didn't
go far enough. We have wheatless
days, meatless days and almost eatless
days, We have cent fares, and war
tax ON theatre tickets. Why not a
law against these disturbers of the
common peace who masquerade as sing
ers. Nobody likes real music anymore
than 1 do. Many the time, I've paid
a PUNK and a half to hear Al Jolson
and we have record Of Enry Co
Caruso on the Victrola, but when it
comes to these amateur pipers, with
voice that makes you feel like the
breaking up Of a hard winter, 1 draw
the line.
Moral There amt none.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19
PHILOSOPHIC PHI.

This Georgia sun certainly will have
the thermometer going over the top"
if it gets any hotter
The
Other night
We ordered O.
Waffle and q sand
WITCH down town and
When we saw the
Color of them
And knew that
1t was Hooyer's
Fault, we
Came to the
Conclusion
That Sherman
Was
Right.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19
Grin-AidS

The inmates of an asylum were one
day very busy at work wheeling bar
rows of stone from one plance to anoth-
er. when one poor fellow was seen to
,~heel his barrow upside down. why
don't you wheel your barrow right?"
called one of the inmates. TIM not
such a lunatic as you. IL [ do that
they'll fill it for me-"
Mrs Gushall was one Of those
mothers who are always praising their
children to the skies, and lever allows
any one else to get in a word edgeways.
For a whole afternoons visit she had
held forth about the remarkable intelli-
gence Of her son, aged five. At last
she showed signs Of going" she gushed.
IT don't want to be late. My dear lit
tie son is going to the ZOO" The hostess
glanced at the dear little son." who
sat smugly listening to his mothers
grafton, and remarked with silly soft
ness: rs he, really? My son is going to
Harvard"
This is the smallest fifty pounds of
ice / ever saw" said the kitchen lady.
Permit me to inform you, madam"
said The high brow iceman. "..lat the
apparent smallness is due to the in
tense cold to which we subject our ice
in the process of manufacture, there
by producing the closes contraction. -
Boston Transcript,
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

After all man is good Bit like
worm. He WanCers about in an aim
less sort Of a fashion and then some
chicken gets him.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

If q man argues with you there is
possibility that you may be right. But
if a woman argues with you it's q
cinch you are wrong.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

The new order says that everyone
must work or fight. How about these
chaps who have been figL'ing for years
work
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

Love is something that makes a fell
low feel that a girls eyes are a 1ioros-
cope and he is an insect.
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19
Sprechen sic French?
Safely First Pays.

man advertised for good driver
An Englishman, an Irishman and a
Frenchman answered the ad. The
place to drive was on a big hill. The
man asked the Frenchman how close
to the edge he could drive He answer
ed; about four feet" The English
man said he could drive within about
two feet. The Irishman said eff L
was driving l would stay as far away
as L could" He got the job.
It is disloyal to give the enemy
points-unIess they are bayonet points.
At a reception in Washington the
colored official who looedk after the
autos was directed to call "the car Of
the Guatemalan minister You under
stand the Guattmala1 minister"
Eyes, sab; I understand pUffectly,
sah," he replied. and then shouted:
1.-THE car TO de watermelon minister"
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19
WEI Seasoned.

Did you see where the Germans as
sailed the Americans with mustard
gas?"
yes and in return the Americans
Icppered them"
Lawyer-"I have here q pardon from
til governor for my client, John JOY"
Warden-"All right; let Joy be I'M
confined"
A letter had been received by the
sergeant major of artillery from the
war office, with reference to one Gun
ner Green, who, reported killed, had ar
rived at Woolwich. Could a full and
satisfactory explanation of same be
forwarded?
The n. c. o. gave the matter much
thought and then forwarded this reply:
Green was an old comrade of mine
I visited him when he was dying of his
wounds, and then saw his buried
Hence l know that he is dead, and am
considerably surprised to hear of his
return to Woolwich, but please exone-
rate me from further blame, iLasmuch
as I am not responsible for his suisse
quent movements"
why did she marry him."
$50 he'd be glad to enlist, She hates
O Stacker"
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

Speaking of that grand and glorious
feeling, we can't imagine anything to
beat that feeling wheI the G. o. calls
you in and says that you're con mis-
sion has come through Oh Bo-!
Sprechen sic French?
Trench and camp. [volume] (Augusta, Ga.) 1917-1919, 1918-06-19

why did she marry him."
$50 he'd be glad to enlist, She hates
q Stacker"
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
HIGH FINANCE
BOY NOW In REFORM SCHOOL
FOR ALTERING CHECKS.

Sioux Falls, Dec. 17.-As the re-
result of plunging into high finance
Frank E. Erickson, a young man who
had for some months been employed
on the farm of r. c. Stewart, be-
tween Garretson and Sherman, has
been sentenced to the state reform
school at Plankinton for a term of six
months. He is but II years of age.
Stewart paid him his wages in
checks drawn on a bank at Sherman,
and the young man was arrested on
the charge of raising the checks.
One check, which was for $40, had
been raised to $40. Another check
was raised from SIS to $50. Another
check which called for $40 was rash
ed to $40.
The first check was cashed by the
Sherman bank, the second one at a
store and the third was cashed at the
Sherman postoffice, the youth receiv-
ing money orders for it. The fraud
soon was detected and his arrest fol.
lowed. Because of his youth he was
sent to the reform school instead OF
the Sioux Falls ~penitentiary.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
BABY in The HOUSE
ABERDEEN POLICE HAVE EN-
PERIENCE WITH A
YOUNGSTER.

aberdeen, Dec. 1.-THE local po-
/ re static had an unusual case upuo
IT, hands r. Il day or two this week
in the person of a 5-month-old baby,
a boy. 1t happened in this wise: A
young mother who lives in a down
state town heard her husband was
seriously i'll in Aberdeen with the
"flu." She hurried here with the
baby to care for him, only to find
that instead of having the "flu" he
apparently had FLEW" She could
not find him. Distracted, she left
her baby with a friend while she hur-
ried home to consult relatives. Then
the friend was stricken with pneu-
monia and baby was left with no one
to ARE for him until the police ma
tron came to the rescue, and equip
ped with a store of matted milk, kept
the youngster contented and happy
until his mother could return to Abb
erdeen for him.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
TAX REPORT
STATE COMMISSION MAKES REC.
COMBINATIONS.

Pierre, Dec. 1.-THE third bien-
NAL report of the state tax commits
sion has just been received, and is
being distributed. Among other
things it recommends legislation
changing to a county assessor system
of making assessments instead of the
present township system, a policy
which received the endorsement of
the county auditors association at its
last annual meeting. 1t is also rec
commended that the special provision
for 1918, requiring assessors to gath
er crop statistics be continued as a
regular procedure in this state to
keep a record of acreage production
from year to year. They also recon-
mend the enactment of a specific
statute which will authorize county
auditors to place omitted property
for any prior year to be placed upon
the tax roll.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
ROUND Lake
STATUS OF BODY OF WATER
NEAR MADISON EXPLAINED.

Sioux Falls Argus-Leader: Lou
Hawley, deputy state game and fish
warden, writes the Argus-Leader and
asks that an explanation be made re-
garding the status of Round lake,
near Lake Madison. 1t seems that
parties have purchased or leased land
around the lake and have made an
attempt to close the body of water
to the outside public. Mr.. Hawley is
emphatic in the statement that the
general public and not a favored few
are entitled to whatever spots that
can be secured at Round lake for
either fishing or hunting. Interest
ed parties have circulated the report
that Round lake is a private preserve,
but the state game department gives
its assurance that ii is not.
Miles Williams, who has been
granted permission to seine Round
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
NEWS.

Kimball-William M. Lindsay, a
mason and bricklayer of this place,
was in the country recently, where
he had been doing some work and in
coming home he killed a badger with
q stone, after chasing il for some
distance.
Pierre-The showing Of the state
treasury at the close of business No
vember 80 was $2,209,9O6 in all
funds. The income fund for common
schools had $4,000 of this; the
twine plant, $144,455; highway
fund. $S4.308; motor vehicle, $780,
929; game fund, $24,406.
Huron-Schools in Washington, a
village 10 miles west of here, are
closed and the school building has
been transformed into a hospital be-
cause of q second epidemic of influ-
enza that has struck the town, ac-
cording to advices received here.
Pierre-Several counties of the
state are taking UP the discussion of
highway Improvement for the COM
ing year and are discussing the EN-
ployment of county highway engil
neers. With the assistance of the
state, federal, county and local funds
there is no reason why there should
not be a better opportunity for scien-
tific road construction than in the
past.
Webster IT Preliminary arrange
ments are being made for the annual
exhibit of the Day County Poultry
association which will be held in the
opera house in this city during the
week beginning January 81, provided
the influenza epidemic shows a big
improvement by that time. More at
tention than eve before is being
paid to the poultry industry through
out Day county and IL is expected
that the approaching poultry show
will be the most successful ever held
In the county.
Huron-Plans for corn improve
ment work In Beadle county and for
forming a permanent road committee
In the county were discussed at the
annual meeting of the Beadle county
farm bureau here. Officers for the
coming year were chosen as follows
r. H. Hill, Huron, president; F. A.
Vollenweider, Hitchcock. vice presi-
dent; H. C. Younkin. Huron. secre-
tary-treasurer. John d. Barry, Wes-
sington: o. v. Olson. Huron; A.. j.
Stauffacher. Broadland. and Mrs.
Nellie M. Brusso. Huron, are the d.
rectors.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
ANOTHER WIRE HEROINE
Telephone Girls Quick Wit Saves
Farmer,

George White, near Seaford, Del,
a farmer, who lived alone, would have
persisted late one night in a fire which
destroyed his home had 1t not been for
Miss Ara Fleetwood. night operator at
the telephone exchange there. Miss
Fleetwood saw the reflection of the
flames and by constant and loud ring
ing of the phone on the Reliance line
succeeded In arousing the farmers in
time to get to Whites farm and drag
him from his bed. The windows In
the room where White lay were burst
ing with heat when the farmers ar
rived and the roof caved In a few min
utes after they got him out.
The home and practically all Its
contents were destroyed.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
Many Deaths In Wisconsin.

Madison, Wis, Dec. 16.-Deaths due
to influenza in Wisconsin, reported
for October, were 2,091 and pneumonia
525. Many of the deaths reported due
to Influenza undoubtedly were caused
by pneumonia. The fact remains,
however, that the loss of about 1900
lives in that month is attributable to
the influenza epidemic. In September.
Influenza deaths numbered So and
pneumonia 100. In October, 1917, in
fiuenza claimed only nine and pneu'
monia 154.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17

lake. has not started on the job.
Some objection has developed on the
part of individuals who either do not
understand the situation or are
jealous of the privilege granted Mr..
Williams. The facts are that Round
lake is a shallow body of water, but
is well stocked with fish and Mr..
Williams has signified his willing
less to remove the fish, but will not
proceed unless every one is satisfied.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
Albany (oa.) "Hou" Burned.

The burning Of a huge "hog,' which
had figured extensively at fairs and
other gatherings at Albany, Ga. gave
opportunity for considerable pert COM
ment. The 'hog' was built over an
automobile and advertised south
Georgia's packing industries. The
blaze was easily extinguished.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
CAtarrn Csnnor ne Cured.

with Local Applications. as they cannot
reach the sea of disease. Catarrh
Is q blood or constitutional disease. and
ternal remedies. Halls Catarrh Cure IL
taken internally, and acts directly upon
the blood and mucuous surface. HALLS
Catarrh Cure is not = Quack medicine.
It was prescribed by one OF the best
physicians In this country for years and
I'd of the best tonics known, combined
with the best blood purifiers, acting di-
rcctly o n the mucous surfaces. The per-
Il what produces such wonderful re-
suits In curing catarrh. Send for testi-
monials. free. F. j. Cheney 4 Co..
Props. Toledo, O.. Sold by Druggists,
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
Does 1t Play
All Records?

Or does it require you to limit your
selection to it's own make? Do you
want to own a photograph which will
keep you from hearing all your favor
ties?
Some artists sing for one record
maker, some for another.
The Brunswick plays all records,
and at their best. And it is the only
famous instrument with the Ultona,
one of the chief features of the
Brunswick Method of Reproduction.
The Ultona is a new conception, not
an attachment nor makeshift. 1t is a
universal player, instantly adaptable
to any make of record.
Just a turn of the hand presents
the proper diaphragm and needle.
And it is made slightly oversize so as
to develop the hitherto lost sound
waves.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
FOR GROUP. FLU" AND "GKIP"
COUGHS.

M. #. Davis. leading merchant of
Bearsville, w. Va. writes: "A few
nights ago one of my patrons had a
child taken with Group about mid
night. Came to my store and got Fo-
ley's Honey and Tar Compound. Before
morning the child entirely recovered.
Parents can't say enough for Foley's
Honey and Tar" Sold everywhere.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17

II thought my Kidneys might be the
cause of my rundown condition and
weakness" writes w. H. Frear. SO Myr-
tie Ave-, Albany, N. Y, $50 I took Foley
Kidney Pills and they did the work. I
cheerfully recommend them!A You can
use my name wherever you wish" They
stop rheumatic aches. Sold everywhere.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
2,571 ON CASUALTY LIST
Last Consignment of Names From
France Shows 1855 Killed.

Washington, Dec. Thames Of
many northwest men are carried on
the last casualty list of 2,571, an
nounced by the wal department. The
casualties are divided as follows:
Killed in action, 1856; died of wounds,
81; died of disease, 1874; died of acct
dent and other causes, 2; wounded in
action, 2,046; missing in action, 1853.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
What About
Tone?

In the Brunswick Am
plifier we use wood sole
ly-no metal castings, no
tin. We believe in the
violin principle.
The Brunswick Ampli-
fier is nodded of holly
wood, in a shape de-
manded by acoustic laws.
Thus tone is given ev-
cry opportunity to ex-
pand. Wood gives the
proper vibration which a
casting can not.
And so the Brunswick
Method of Reproduction,
heralded as the most adj
vanced of all, brings new
tonal values, new stand
ards.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
a1xAx roH .rxUn AND GRIP.
COUGHS.

II had an awful cold that left ms
with . dreadful cough" says Mrs. M. (
Smith, Benton, La Bough Foley's Hon
ey and Tar OF our druggist and 1t cured
me completely" This grand remedy
should be In every household at this
time. when influenza, grip, coughs and
colds are so prevalent. Contains nc
Opiates. Sold everywhere.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1918-12-17
INFLUENZA GETS OLD AND YOUNG

Grip" and Thu coughs mould not
be neglected. Profit by the experience
of thousands like Mrs. Mary Kisby, $3.50
Ave, Spokane. Wash, who
writes: Our little boy found relief i'm
wonderful Foley's Honey and Tar. 1t
surely cured me. 1 am rs years Did; had
very bad cough from la grippe" Sold
everywhere.