The Washington herald., 1918-02-03

the dltetupL " OuAc - os 1Ss.@ ~-'~
did there would be about 10000 people
lying on the sidewalks and streets.
Tom is a night fireman in an apart
ment house. He had had some little
trouble trying to sleep in the day
time.
He has also had considerable trou-
BILE with his cold.
To kill two birds with one stone
that Is, to get some sleep and get rid
OF the cold at the same time-Tom
drenched his innards with fire-water.
Policeman McConchie ran across
Tom on Calvert street. At first Nc
Conchie thought he had discovered q
dead man.
Tom was stretched out almost stone
cold. He balked at being removed
from the nice warm sidewalk to a
cold cell.
The court looked very hard at Tom.
He showed plainly that he had taken
the wrong medicine.
However, he will be hxed up all
right at Occoquan. Thirty days will
cure his cold-unless some kind friend
loans him SIS.
Blanche Was just "strafIng.7
II Blanche Underwood ever used
cuss words 1t was before she got re-
ligion."
At least, this Is what Blanche says
to a charge Of disorderly conduct.
"Ah neber swoah in all nah bawn
days, Jedge." she said. ''Eber since
All got religion ten yeahs ago All cut
out de cuss words"
The COPS say that Blanche cut
loose with a barrage fire of profanity
Friday evening when a next door
neighbor accused her of cheating her
landlord.
No dictionary or encyclopedia ever
contained the words Blanche is said
to have used-not even in a discon-
nected form.
The cops said that Capt. Kidd in
his balmiest days could never have
thought of some of the words.
II Blanche is the lady she told the
court she was, then she did not know
what she was saying.
But because of the way the law
looks upon such language the court
was compelled to fine Blanche SO.
Who Invented Work Anyhsr.
Jobs are, SO numerous these days
that a fellow has to keep on the jump
to dodge them
Arthur Thomas has been getting out
Of the way of numerous jobs ever
since he left his home in Boston last
December.
He got as far as Norfolk. At every
stop he made there was job staring
him in the face.
But Arthur didn't want a job. He
already had a job lodging jobs
1t was the hardest kind Of work he
ever did.
Ir he stopped near a factory some
one offered him work. If he loafed
in a poolroom or barroom, someone
else would offer him work.
1t got on his nerves. Jobs, jobs
everywhere and not a thing to do but
dodge 'em.
Policeman Vermillion saw him at
the Union Station.
Arthur was curled up on a bench
sound asleep. His face was SO dirty
that Vermillion thought he was an
at first.
Judge Mullowny sent him down to
Occoquan for fifteen days intensive
training in the art of work.
Who wouldn't Kickf
ledge, All ordered mahseff some
pancakes in dat mans place. He
didn't half Cook 'em en- All refused
to pay for 'em.
He said All would have ter emmy
how. All still refused. Den he hit
me en- All hit him."
This pancake tragedy happened in
a Greek lunchroom in southwest
Washington.
Thomas Barnes wife had been i'll.
Consequently he was eating his meals
wherever he happened to be.
Tom always did like pancakes. He
ate them three times a day.
And he hates to eat 'em when they
are burned on the outside and raw ON
the inside. he said.
Grub is high enough, he told the
court, without it being only half cook
ed.
The cook resented the slur on his
culinary abilities.
He got 50 mad about it that he
cracked Tom in the eye.
And then Tom handed him the same
thing.
Since he acted in self-defense there
was only one thing to do and the
court did it-dismiss the charge.
The Periis of Suffrage.
II it were possible to have some
one throw a big hunk of gold at
our heads and then walk away un-
1t wouldn't be at all
bad.
But when they throw a big lump
of coal. which in these days is al
most as valuable. the effect is al
together different.
Josie Binns and Margaret Snow
mot the movie actress) were argu-
ing about woman suffrage.
Anyone can argue about suffrage.
But it is extremely doubtful If
either of these two ladies would
recognize the vote If they saw it
down the street with hat
on.
Josie got bested in the dispute.
She said women had no business to
vote. Their business was. she said,
to take the weekly pay envelope
and not a thing else.
Margaret called her one of those
short ugly things which Representa-
tives are so fond OF hurling at one
another.
Then Josie picked up a six pound
lump of coal and let it go. 1t
caught Margaret in the jaw.
She stopped talking. And so did
Josie when the court fined her SIS.
Flowers for All Occasions.
Finest homegrown specimens OF all
aaa ann hlo uarfafNas 500.