The Washington herald., 1918-01-02
GOODNIGHT Lunch.

Joe Carr and Jesse Meade work
in the same garage. They also eat
in the same place.
Saturday, as Jesse was taking a
bug out of the carbureter of one
of the cars, Joe reached over in
that car and swiped Jesse's lunch.
Jesse's interest in the might
mare of automobilists" prevented
him from seeing his dinner walk
away. so Jesse went on working.
When noon came with the usual
gnawing feeling in the middle
Jesse reached over in the car and
went through the motions OF grab
bing his lunch.
None there. He looked around.
And noticed a suspicious grin on
Joe's countenance.
Before he could say a word. Joe
bawled out, Vas, Ah eat yo' lunch.
Yo' will nebber see II again"
Then Jess sprawled on the floor
under an uppercut from Joe.
It's all settled now. The court
separated Joe from So. Enough to
buy lunch for two weeks or more.
The Ham What Went.
At a certain time in its life a ham
can walk. That is when it is fast
ened TO a live pig.
But after it is cut of and cured 1t
takes human assistance. There is,
however. a ham that managed TO
move apparently without such aid.
Last Sunday evening said ham was
reposing in a pot amongst a lot Of
cabbage in the home of Fred Collins.
While it WAS cooking Fred, with
Elsie. his wife, sat in the front room
whetting their appetites for the COM
ing feast.
At dinner time. when Elsie went
after the ham with a big fork, why.
fished around in the pot a minute and
then hollered for help.
Monday morning Slim Brown was
arrested. In his house the ham was
found. 1t was identified by the Col
linses by its peculiar seasoning.
But how it got there, boiling hot,
right of a hot stove. no one has been
able to find out. ''Slim" denied any
knowledge of the ham
Whether he really took the ham
made no difference to the court. He
was harboring it. That was enough.
Ten dollars for him.
with His Little Hatchet.
"Jedge, Nah wife is some gal. De
odder day All tole her dat All was
gwine to put a speedometer on her,
en- she got mad. All up en- tole her
eff she didn't shet up All would get
nah Involvement papers"
well, why didn't you get them.
instead of hitting her with a
hatchet?" asked the Court of George
Wrenn.
Besides continued the Court,
"she seems rather slow to need a
speedometer. She doesn't look at all
swift"
Listen, Jedge." began George, "Ah
doan belieb dere is one oh dem things
made wot will show how much she
runs round"
as that why You hit herr" asked
the Court.
"Ah didn't hit her. Jedge," answered
George She got in de way Of nah
Matched wen All was splitting wood. -
THAT is an old excuse" said the
Court. II have heard it as many
times as the Germans have excuses
for fighting the allies. Pay a fine of
$50 or go to Jail for 60 days"
Merely Looking.
When Malvina Roane married she
thought her husband, Lester, would
surely stop looking at other wo-
men.
They had been married only two
weeks when Lester was almost run
over by a street car while engag-
ed in taking, slant" at a pretty
girl. So his wife says.
He ''rubbers" all the time. And
yet his wife is nearly as good look
ing as other women who catch his
eye.
And all the time Melvina is read
ing the riot acL to him about it
Finally she be e:ame exasperated.
At church on Sunday he stood ur
ten minutes after everybody else
had sat down. says wifey. with his