Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1918-10-25
KA1sER's SON WRITES
Tells His Father All About Fool
Americans

A letter to the kaiser from one of
his princeling sons, written from the
sector in which the Americans are
er gagged.
Dear Papa-I am writing on der
run as des brave and glorious soldiers
under my command have not seen der
Rhine for SO long dat dey have start
ed back dat way and of course l am
nit dem.
Oh, papa, der has been some offel
dings happened in France First,
started in my big offensive. which
was to crush Ger fool Americans, but
dey know so little about military
tactics dat dey will not be crushed
just like want 'em. I sent my men
in der fight in big waves and ven dey
got to der Americans dey all said
BOO" as loud as dey could holler
Veil, according to vat you have al
ways told me, der Americans hafe
turned and run like blazes. But vat
you tink?
Dem fool Americans don't know
anything about war and instead of
running der odder way, dey come
right toward US. Some of dem vas
singing something about We Won't
come back till it's over over dere" or
some odder foolish song and some Of
dem yer laffing like fools. Dey are
so ignorant. But dey are reckless
nit der guns and ven dey come to-
wards us it vas my men took a notion
dey wanted to go back to der dear old
Rhine.
We don't like dear little old dirty
Marne river any how. And oh, pop!
dem Americans use such offel Ian
guage. Dey know noting of kultur
and say such offel dings right before
us And dey talk blasphery, too
Vat you tink dey said right in front
of my face? One big husky from a
place dey call Oshkosh. he said-oh
papa, hate to tell you vat an offel
ting he said-but 1 can't help it. He
said "To hell nit der kaiser" Did
you ever hear anything so offel? I
didn't tink anybody would say such a
ting 1t made me so mad I vouldn' It
stand and hear such offel ting so
turned round nit de odder boys. Vas
I right? Vot?
And oh, papa, you know Gem breast
plates vot you sent us-can you send
some to put on our backs? You know
We are going der odder way now and
breast plates are no good, for de
cowardly Americans are shooting lis
right in der back. Some of our boys
took off der breast plates and put
dem behind, but de fool Americans
are playing Der Star Spangled
Banner" nit machine guns on dem
plates. Can't you help US? You re.
member in your speech you said
nothing would stand before the brave
German soldiers. Oh papa, I don't
believe desc ignorant Americans ever
read your speech, for dey run after
US just like We vas lot of rabbits
Vot you tink of dot? Can't you senc
dem some of your speeches right
away? Dey don't know how terrible
We are. Can't you move my army
back to Belgium we're We Won all oul
glory? My men can vip all de vim
men and children vot dem Belgian:
can bring US. But desc Americans
are so rough and ignorant. We cam
make dem understand dot We are d.
greatest soldiers on earth, and vel
We try to sing Deutschland Uebel
/ der Allies" dey laff like lot of mon
keys. But We are getting de best o.
de Americans. We can out run dem
Papa, if we are not der best fighter
| on earth We are sure der best runner
Nobody car keep up nit US ven W
| tink of dear old Rhine.
Yours Victorious and Weary Son