The Washington herald., 1918-04-05

New York, March 29.-Theodore
Shonts, who runs our subway sys-
TEN. has been securing more news
paper publicity recently than T. R.
or the Kaiser. Mr.. Shonts for years
has just been known as president Of
the Interborough. but it is said that
he seized upon a publicity idea sug-
gested by Ivy Lee, who used to be
John Dee's press agent. and as a
result he suffers a fresh shower
of publicity daily.
Mr.. Shonts writes poems and epi-
grams which are pasted up in the
windows OF subway trains, greatly
to the amusement Of the human sar-
dimes This week he has explained
that the subway carries 10000 per-
sons every day. Then he explains
that only one out of every 1861, ,G5s,-
1876 ticket-buyers is killed.
He makes no effort to compute how
many passengers could be put into
a subway car by using a pile-driver.
but states emphatically that there
are at least 5000 pieces of material
in each and every car. The public
has at no time complained Of this
fact, nor has there been any threat
Of revolt at the statement that each
subway train costs $4,000. not count
ing the guards summer yachting
suits.
Few persons know and millions
have doubted that 1890 trains run
in the subway every day. but Mr..
Shonts admits ii and goes further.
stating that there isn't enough wood
involved in the equipment Of these
trains to make a toothpick for
dinosaur.
When anything goes wrong with
subway car. twenty-four different in
spectors pounce upon II and exam
inc every part OF it, The moment
there is an unusual creak or an un-
expected twitter in any part Of the
car 1t is pulled right out OF service
and dragged screaming to the pounc-
ing-yards, where the twenty-four in
spectors growl once and leap at it.
Four hundred and twenty-five inspec-
tors watch the cars at the barns,
and fifty others are out along the
line at all times looking for trouble.
At the rush period they undoubtedly
see all they need for a days re-
port. In addition each OF the track
walkers. while on duty and busy Sec
ing how few trains he can hit, covers
mile Of track and sees TO 1t per-
sonally that the tracks remain where
the subway motormen expect TO find
them.
All hope Of giving the world the
great American joke has been aban-
doned. 1t was frustrated by the de-
cision of the owners of the old Weber
Theater, at Twenty-ninth street and
Broadway, not to raze the struc-
ture. When the theater was built
Joe Weber placed in the corner
stone an envelope which he said con-
tanned the best joke he ever in
vented. 1t is still there. and is like
ly to remain in retirement for some
time, unless a desperate newspaper
columnist goes up with a crowhar
some night
II the fishes in the New York Aqua
rium-home OF all the queer finny
tribe and the city's most expert pick
pockets-are taken down with pneu-
monia, bronchitis or the sniffles, the
city authorities will be to blame.
They have been warned that the
fishes are likely to catch galloping
consumption because of the damp
basement and cellar under their hv-
ing room. where they receive callers.
Charles H. Townsend, director Of the
aquarium and an intimate friend OF
the fish, has written an article in
all New York newspapers warning
Of the danger. He says the condi-
ton of the basement has put the
lives Of the angel fishes, rainbow
trout, electric cells and all their
friends and relations i'm jeopardy all
winter. Ye gods and little fishes!
he wails-the city does not seem to
care.
Those who do not read the want
ads in New York papers miss some
of the best reading. Hark to this
diverting little ad in the New York
World: 'Wanted-Elderly man, male
or female. to keep hotel books and
typewrite. Easy work. NJ. SSS-
World"
s -rA..s
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