Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-14
How Europe Was Made
Safe for Royalty
1917. western Newspaper Union, ,
B, OSCAR cox

the principal points out OF this story
whose territory consists Of only few
square miles. The prince being OF the
blood royal and an associate on equal
terms with the other sovereigns OF Eu
rope, was required to keep up theii
style though he did 1t on an Infinitely
small scale. He had one general, one
Judge, one executi0ner. His army con-
sisted of hundred men divided into
ten companies consisting of ten men to
a company. Everything else was on
proportionate scale. But the general,
except when on duty, was a butcher;
the Judge the only policeman IN the
principality, and the soldiers were
laborers. The executioner was the
parson officiating over the little church
20 by 80 feet in area, one-third OF
which Ia taken up by the royal pew.
The parsen was A meek little man In
competent to decapitate chicken.
All worked well in the principally
for many years. There were no crim'
nails to try. or to punish, the prince
spent his time visiting his royal rela'
tives, so that his living was provided
for, and the people, who were taxed
only to provide for the royal pocket
money, were happy.
Then suddenly came trouble. The
general of the army was caught In the
act of treason. A neighbOring king,
whose territory consisted of many mil.
lions of square miles, wanted the prin'
cipality for pasture for bis cows
and bribed the general OF the prince
for a consideration, to let down the
bars of the fence inclosing the prince
" territory, and admit the kings army
without resistance on the part Of the
princes forces, The plot being dis
covered In time. the other European
sovereigns frowned upon 1t ana
stopped It. Had It been carried
through they would have held a con-
ference and In order that the peace OF
Europe might not be disturbed would
have winked at 1t. As 1t was. the only
action required was to try the general
for high treason and cut off his head
But the Judge. who, It has been sald'
was only policeman. knew nothing
about law and was incapable OF con.
ducting trial. The prince got over
the difficulty by ordering a trial behind
closed doors; and when they were
opened q warrant was produced by
which the general was condemned to
death. 1t was taken to the prince, who
signed 1t. and the pen with which he
affixed his royal signature was sent to
the sovereign Of the most powerful EN-
pire as a token that Imperialism was
absolute In the principality.
It remained now only to carry out
the sentence by beheading the general.
A meeting of the prvy council was
held, at which 1t was unanimously
agreed that the executloner could not
be relied upon to carry out the SEN
tence and the members deliberated
what was to be done In the premises.
One suggested that the general, being
q butcher, was far better fitted to cut
Off his own head than the executioner,
who was Il parson. Whereupon another
member suggested that the two be sur
reptitiously made to change places and
the butcher be made to cut off the
head of the parson. This would sat
isfy the powers.
But the prince, who was a Just sOv'
ereign would not hear Of such O nefa'
rious deed, and dismissed the council.
saying that he would lay a plan for
carrying out the sentence himself. Un'
til such time as he could find an exc.
cutioner he would take the generals
parole and release him from confne-
ment. The general willingly gave his
word not to leave the principality and
the next morning was to be seen peace
fully swinging his cleaver in his
butcher shop.
Now the king Of that country who
desired the principally for his COW
pasture-remembe that this story has
been censored and all names have been
deleted-hearing that the general was
engaged at his usual business, sent a
deputatiOn to the prince to protest
against such fragrant omission Of
royal duty to punish treason. repre-
senting that II such leniency were
practiced by the crowned heads OF Eu-
rope the world would at last be cursed
with all the horrors of democracy.
To this the prince replied that rather
than see this he would consent to the
massacre Of every one of his subjects.
The leader Of the deputation replied
to this that II the prince so desired his
royal master would send his own exc
cutioner to decapitate the general.
A few days later the kings execu-
tioner arrived. His guard Of honor
numbered FIVE hundred men armed
with the most deadly implements Of
modern warfare. They took the gen
eral from his shop and the kings exc
cutioner dispatched him. Then the
prince was shot down, and when the
executioners were finished there was
not human being left In the princi-
pality.
The executioner, attended by his
guard. went back to the king. who
asked him If he had acceded to the re-
quest of his royal cousin, and the exc
cutioner assured him that he had done
his work SO we'll that the principally
was now ready for his majesty's COW
pasture.
This is an instance Of how the bless.
lngs of royalty have been saved to the
world by one royal cousin assisting
another In repressing treason. The
principally is now COW pasture.
Who knows but that 1t might have been
q vast plant for the manufacture Of
comforts for the people?
ianraaeAA Resnart