davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19
Humorous department

Home Stuff wish you would get
home early Saturday. Henry and
paint the porch. II looks awful.
Have you got the paint and brush
esq"
.Where in the name OF common
sense would | get the paint ana
brushes"
We'll. I won't have time TO get 'em
h.forc I come home. You can run VI
IN IN. store Saturday morning. Just
tell the man you want enough white
uaint for "a porch and get couple oi
brushes"
Saturday afternoon is now with US
"Yoh Nan. Where's the step ladder:
Underneath the cellar stairs
"You better come down and get II
out; you got lot OF stun In thcr'
and I'm liable TO break something.
From now on ii should be- easy
I'D the ladder Hennery goes with
the two brushes and enough white
paint to lather the street. all primcd
up TO finish II in one afternoon.
Two chickens going down on the
other side of the street give Hcnncry
the once over and giggle and it's Il
cinch Hennery didn't frown back. Hc
almost went OFF the ladder strctchin,'
TO get a last look.
The missus comes out after while
To look the job over.
"Oh, Hennery. your shoes are full
Of paint"
That's nothing. | think I've swal-
lowed twice that much"
There's place up there In tn"
corner you've missed"
"Whcre?"
up in the corner"
I'm looking up in the corner:
can't sec any place I've missed.
You must bc blind then: get down
OF the ladder and I'll show YOU"
Which Hennery does rather gladly,
as II gives him an opportunity TO 20
into the house to get his pipe.
He apparently hadn't found 1t after
fifteen minutes. because the missus
became impatient and called him out
as she couldn't stay there all day.
Henncry came out as innocent as
lamb.
"Didja finish?"
81 guess you were hoping | would"
Hcnnery starts in again and paints
for about ten minutes. when ne
thought of n new excuse to quit.
He went into the house and said
he thought he was getting painters
collie rs he had cramps and all the
other symptoms.
you make me sick. / guess you
got cold feet; you've always got
something when there's work to be
done. wish you took the interest In
your home Mr.. Halt does. Hes al
ways fixing around the house.
"If | did what that hoy does when
he's away from the house I'd always
bc fixing something too to square my
self"
"Is that so? | guess you're not
pcrfect. Why, what does he do?'
AS Henncry would rather do any
thing else than paint. he proceeded TO
put Mr.. Halt on the griddle and as
Nan hopes he may drop little scan
dal, she encourages the little discus
sion with the result the porch Is about
one twentieth finished when they both
60 In to eat.-Inter-Nos.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19

Tho Helpful Bell eoy.-For fonl
consecutive nights the hotel man nae
watched his fair, timid guest NIL mel
pitcher at the water cooler. "Madam'
no said on the fifth night III yot
would ring this would be done fol
YOU"
But where is my bell?" asked th'
lady.
THE bell Is beside your bed" repii'
ed the proprietor.
That the bell?" she exclaiHeo
why. the boy told me that was tht
fire alarm, and that was not to toucf
II on any account
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19

liberty.-Two lovers were sitting
side by side in Battery Park. Ne"
York, one evening. Il wonder" M
whispered as he glanced out across the
beautiful bay and saw the Statue Of
Liberty In the shadowy gloom, "wh!
they have its light so small"
perhaps" replied the girl as sh'
b,ushed and tried to slip from his EN-
brace. the smaller the light the great
er the liberty"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19
Tho Cost Systems.-Ths

Tho Cost systsms.-Tsssss'rooll5win
speech ~ usiite.sa siiilssaa.st st dinner held
I'M a certain hotel recently and as our
correspondent Is forever looking for
news, he was on the job:
Mr.. Chairman and Fellow Members:
The subject assigned to me by your
committee Is q big one and to solve
It will require the united efforts OF
every member present.
When say this evil Is slowly con-
summing the very vitals of our busi-
ness, I know will not be accused oil
overstepping the truth.
The point we have arrived at Is
simply this: Each and every man
present will have to use every means
nj his command to discourage ana
abolish the use of cost systems.
will go further and say
At this point our correspondent mao
heard enough and dashing downstairs
no asked the clerk II there was a
dinner being given by madmen up III
room 206.
The clerk said no. 1t was the yearly
dinner of auctioneers.-Intcr-N Nos.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19

u Happened on Friday.-"Waiter'
said the diner. 1t says here on the
menu green bluefish.
Yes. sir. That means fresh rish'
from the water. sir
Nonsense" said the diner. You
know we'll enough they do not take
bluefish at this season"
The waiter came up and looked a.
the disputed item.
"Oh, that SIR" no said with an all
of enlightenment. "am hothouse blue
fish, SIR"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19

Spoiled Her Trip.-"Then your wife
didn't enjoy her trip to Niagara"
mo. the minute she saw that
rushing water she began to wonder II
she hadn't come away from home and
left the bathtub faucet OPEN"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19
Need for $500 Volunteer Nurses

Need for $500 Volunteer Nursss.-
Young women Of the country between
the ages of 10 and IS are called to the
United States student nurse reserve
by the woman's committee Of the
council Of national defense. Thirty
eight thousand and fve-hundred vol
unteers are wanted at once.
Don't let the thought that the war
may be ended and a victorious peace
declared before the work Of prepara-
ton Is completed deter you from en-
tering the service" appeals DR.. Anna
Howard Shaw, chairman of the COM
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19

The Death Enthusiastically In
clined tourist:
What IL the death rate here?
Native: Same as It Il everywhere
a,se-one death to every inhabitant'
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1918-07-19
FARM LOANS

INTEREST Rate, s Per Cent per an
= mum. Loan Term: Choice OF 3, s,
Z, or 10 years.
c. Z. SPENCER,
81 II Attorney.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
Be a Volunteer

On these days everyone will be given opportunity to step up and buy bonds without being solicited do so Places will be designated where volunteer subscriptions will be received These places will be announced in the papers and by signs. Your card will be file there. Cards of those who do volunteer will be used for active socta- ton, which will begin Monday, September 3Oth No one will be overlooked.
 Do not wait tor some to after your subscription Show that you, too volunteer for your Country's service, just our boys lover there" did
 Figure out very maximum you can subscribe Be ready when Volunteer Days come This Is no time for halfway measures Halfway measures won't push our
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
 SONOR \.

Lou Carrel came home from Spring dale Saturday
 Welsey Cloer spent Sunday at SpringValley.
 Frank Phillips of Clifty is visit ing in this community.
 Gladys Wheeler who has typhoid fe Yer is slowly improving.
 Misses Marie Giles and Pansy Gloer spent Saturday and Sunday visiting at Prairie Grove
 Prof. Rice reports the sale of s84 m Thrift Stamps at the pie supper September 7th at this place.
 Edward Clark of Birmingham, Ala. sho spent the past four weeks altn his aunt, Mrs. Hettie Cloer, returned to his home last Friday.
 Born to MT. and Mrs. Fay Stone, Friday, September 18th. son, who was named for his father, Jessie Fay Stone, who is in France. The little one only lived few hours and was buried Saturday in the cemetery at this place
 A surprise dinner was given Hem ry Stone Sunday Mr. Stone thanks his many friends who came with well filled baskets to spend the day with hlm, and regrets that some that had sickness in their families could not
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

boys the Rhine It Is up to buy bonds with every uninvested dollar own plus every dollar we can save by careful, frugal living for six months come You don't have pay all cash for your bonds You can make your first payment from cash in the bank and take of the balance of your daily, weekly monthly savings
 The forced saving you do now will mean nice nest egg ater for the bonds you buy and pay for as you go along, will prove splendid investment that will youa good interest every months After the war; the bonds VIII be wo'+h than you paid for them. Don't hesltsS to do duty and do it quickly "Dont let the SUN go down."
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
Women Tortured
Suffer Terribly With Corns Because of High Heels. But Why
 Care Now.

Women wear high heels which buck le up their toes and they suffer ter ribly from corns. Women then pro eeed to trim these pests, seeking relief but they hardly realize the danger from infection, says a Cincinnati auth orits
 Corns can easily be lifted out with the fingers if you will get from any drug store quarter of an ounce of a drug called freezone This is suffi- cent to remove every hard or soft corn or cailus from ones feet You simply apply few drops directly upon the tender, aching corn or eallus. The soreness is relieved at once and soon the entire corn or callas. root and all. hits out without one particle of pain l This freezone Is a sticky substance which drys in moment. IL just shrisels up the cron without inflaming CT even irritating the sarrounding
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

Loy Fitch is helping his father cut corn this week.
 Mrs Bertha Wilson visited her parents recently
 Birdie and Edith Gibson are visit ing Forest Coger
 School is progressing nicely under the management of Miss Cuba Goger.
 Mrs Middle Gibson and little chil- dren spent Sunday with Mrs. Bertha Wilson
 Charley George and Troy Wilson write that they have landed safely in France.
 G. W. Coger and family spent Sat urday night and Sunday with John Shaver and family
 Henry Sanders and wife, also Mrs. Mark Sanders of Springdale, were at the Goger home one day last week Sampling watermelons and Mr. San ders was looking around for hogs that were for sale.
 Mrs Janey Clardy was at the Cog CT home one day last week. She took watermelon home with her. and thinks if watermelons are worth their weight in gold this one would sure have brought some money.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

come. There were 32 grown people and 32 children, 64 in all. Those present were: MT and Mrs. J. T. Cloer, Mr and Mrs. B. J. Mayes, cation as the fish pond farm, where MT. and Mrs. Lee Donaldson, Mr. and Mrs. Murrel Johncon, MT. and Mrs Ward Harp, MT. and Mrs. Roy Rob- erts, Lee Roberts and children. Mir. and Mrs. Curtis Neill, J. B. Hilton, Bertha Junyer, MT. and Mrs. T. Hilton May Mayes, Ruth Robb, Frank Phil lips, Newton Stone, Mrs. Louisa Cloer. Rosa Porter, Mrs. Reb Gayer, Mir. and Mrs. Bert Watson, MT. and Mrs. Ho mer Stone. In the afternoon the crowd enjoyed music. All wished for MT. Stone that his health will be re- stored to him in the West, where he will go for a few weeks.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
SUNDAY SCHOOL CONVENTION

Inc annual convention of the Sun day school Association for Washing ton County will be held in Sprinedale Friday and Saturday Sept. 27. 28. at the Ii. E, Church South.
 This Association Is interdeuomi- national and every Sunday School in the County Is expected to be repre- sented; and all the Sunday Schools in Springdale will be called upon to as. sist in the entermainment of the dele gates. and to contribute in every way possible to make the convention a great success.
 The programme k in this weeks issue of the News.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

Published every Thursday. dated
 Friday
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
SONS CHAPEL. i.

Miss Floy Carson has enlisted as nurse. this week. Private Earl Thornton is training for an officer. , MT Miltowne visited friends here Saturday and Sunday.
 Miss Myrtle Holmes visited friends
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

at Fayetteville Saturday and ou''''.
 Private Ben Warren played pst. @ the band on registration day as VI on Rouge, La.
 Mrs. Mary Warren has been been. % who to Kentucky to see her mother
 is very i'll. .;,s
 The American boys are no. s sv 70 to leave enough old Germans " rabbit hunting.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
No Worms In . Healthy Child

Ali children troubled with worms have an un- healthy color. which indicates poor blood ana as rule, there is more or less stomach disturbance 1RoVES TASIELESS chill TONIC given regularly TOT two or three weeks will enrich the blood. i'm prove the digestion and act a General S,rsns,h- enins Tonic to the whole system. Nature will then throw on or dspel the worms and the Child will be ID perfect health Pleasant to take O. her bo,,le
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
The Strong Withstand the Heat of
 Summer Better Than the Weak

Old people who gre feeble and younger people who are weak. will be strengthened and enabled to go through the depressing heat of summer by tax ing GROVES TAsTELESS chill TONIC. It parites and enriches the blood and builds up the whole sys tenn. foG can soon feel its Strengthening lnyieof sting Effect oec.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

Believing that it is the duty of every person who enjoys the freedom and privileges of citizenship in our great Country to do his utmost to help win the war, the fol lowing firms and individuals have periodically contrib uted the money to pay for this and other advertise ments of the Fourth Liberty Loan:
 First National Bank. Washington County Hardware Co Springdale Milling. Co. Sprinedale Cash Dry Goods Co.
 NJ. F. Lear
 The Style Shop.
 Majestic Theatre
 Ross Mercantile Company
 J. Il. Owens.
 News Stand.
 Fletcher X Searcy.
 C. M Phillips.
 Springdale Garage. kimmons. Walker X Company.
 Bern Carlock. Pioneer Lumber Company.
 Sanders Burr Mill. Carrel X Ballew, Taxi Sptingdale Light X Power Company
 Citizens Garage.
 F. k. ivey. Sprinedale Lumber Company Springdale Insurance Agency
 Jones X Son
 IL Dampf, Produce.
 Gillespie Bros.
 Ozark Land Company
 White Star Grocery. Ewalt X Myers Realty Company \. k. Wilson Mercantile @. Mkt allison Undertaking Co Ritter Grocery Company ]. k. Joyce Drug Company. Farmers X Merchants Bank. Famous Hardware Company. Plain Price Variety Store.
 C.. ". kenaan. W. G. Ownbey Drug Co.
 Banks X Owens
 The Leader.
 A. F.. Smyer X Son.
 Springdale Grocery Co.
 Jeff Sharp.
 Hohheld's Tailor Shop.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20

It is predicted that eggs will sell Tor Sl dozen next winter. But they won't unless you can't do without them.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
The hope of the world lies in the sons of America.

They are "Over there" nova million and a half strong; they are going over daily-a million and half more of them. Another million and half are waiting for the call that soon will come.
 Those who have been under fire have demon strated superbly the qualities that make fight ers-thev have shown that the barbarous hun IS no match for them.
 Many an American son has gone down. has made the supreme sacrifice for his Coun. try and liberty Before the german horde is driven back within its own borders, many more American sons will go down. How many, depends upon us at home.
 A small American army, no matter how brave, will inevitably suffer severe casualties A gigantic American army will overwhelm the hun and bring quick victory with the least loss of life
 The lives of our sons are in our hands, The boys are ready, willing and eager. They must be trained and equipped. No time must be lost. It IS up to us to provide the money necessary to make these boys invinci- ble We must do 1t and do 1t quickly With our own sons already in the fight, every days delay lays at our own doors the blood of brave American sons
 elf: ''How long shall permit this to go on" xL CoII u.
The Springdale news., 1918-09-20
HICKORY FLAT.

tissue CT skin. Tell your wife about fhIa
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
StOrk and Cupid .
Cunning PlOtters
Many a New Home will Eave lt1Es
Sunbeam 60 Brighten e

Cupid end the sfcrk are held Up to ven
Grafton; they arc rated as cunning plotters
10 herald tic coming II the Little Sunbeam
to gladden. the hearts and brighten the
homes OF a host OF happy families.
There ig most remarkable preparation,
known as Mothers Friend, which has been
Hsed by women for over half q century
before the arrival OF tho stork. This Is a
penetrating. esrterng = application for The ab-
out the waiting mL-.fhg, strain and tension
"a reiicyed. The muscles are made elastic
and pliablo 50 that when baby comes they
expand with caae and The spaln and danger
at the crisis j. naturally less.
Then, loo, the nerves arc not torn and
drawn with that usual wreuching strain. and
many disire. g, sch as nefyou9ness. nausea,
bearing down and EtrCtching pains, arc
nmpHg tie disconlons and deblltaiing ex-
pcrieUrrs women Nifo have used Mothers
Fneih say finv have entirely escaped by tho
application ~ tils lae-lonQred fefnedy.
fhops1nfs a. women have used Mothers
Friend nrd lanw from .cNperiencc lint n y
one % iha. aFaiest contributions % healthy,
LaEDr ~ llHiI4l1l.
wife 5 10 Bfadlcld Rcguiaior Co..
LaMer IiiT.. htlaltl. "a, Tor their .Moii-
eThood Book - mere d wealth OF IN
giraciion end comfort % be derived from
reading this Title book. n is plainly written
iusz what even woman wants 20 know. fiei
loitis of hlgthera Friend from the drug.
fft tn3F "M H -azlfg s1ri "a net.-isi
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

Homer weleh is very much con-
ccrned over his fathers enlistment in
the ranks of the n. NJ. c. A. and
there are some things ahoet the army
that Homer isn't just sure about.
Rather" he said to Jim the other
day, there are Just two things about
the army that want to ask before
you go-dld you take your physical
examination stark naked and who will
mend your clothes when you get to
Ffance?n
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
BAFARIA OBJECTS TO
SPIES OF PRUssIANs

AMSTERDAM, oct. Establish
ment in Munich OF seetet police
system for the purpose Of spying on
the civil population and learning its
political opinions has reused the Ba-
'varian people. Prussian agents pro-
vocateurs are not welcomed Bavaria
however will remove from it's army
all soldiers suspected of having so
cialistic opinions.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
lex KING FERDINAND
NOW VERY HAGGARD

4 Amsterdam. oct. 12--Former
King Ferdinand Of Bulgaria. accom-
panied by Prince Cyril. his second
son. two Bulgarian generals and a
large suite, has passed through Buda-
pest TO his estate at Erenthal. lower
Austria. says a Budapest dispatch to
the Cologne Gazette.
Ferdinand's former stately appear
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
GAS MASKS ISSUED TO
TROOPS ON EMBARKING

WASHINGTON, Oct. 14.-Gas
masks are now being issued to all com
batant troops at embarkation camps.
Warming is given they they must be
handled with greatest care and not
damaged during the voyage.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
GERMANS HAVE NEW
ANTI-TANK RIFLE

PARIS. Oct. 14.-In the recent Of
fensives, in which the tanks have
played so splendid a part, the Ger
mans have been using q rev w :;
anti-tank rifle to no avail. 1t c.
tains a cartridge about four inches
long which has a pointed bullet The
weapon weikhs about S6 pounds and is
more than five feet long, sights up
to 500 yards and fires single shots.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

ance had undergone change through
the stress of recent events. and he
walked up and down the platform at
Ordla, leaning heavily ON his stick.
His head was bowed and in his hag-
gard face were deep burrows.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

But what the Bulldogger wonders
is why some OF these men who are
too light to set into the army don't
wear a heavier suit of underwear
when they take their physical exam
nations.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

Roscoe Keator did his duty and
planted war garden but he says the
season was so dry it was a miserable
failure. He planted his in potatoes
and for awhile they grew just too
beautifully and he inspected them
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

Shades OF Sherlock Holmes! We
hear that wes Matlocl< was all a-flut-
ter the other day when he heard that
''the kaiser had abducted the throne" F"
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

It begins to look young beautiful will lead the
democracy. ~ = W 40 -Nnt u ieai
She is Marie Spridonova
are Her SPIRIT she endeavor-
ing 70 live up to it by injecting
She Is young and fraijust
as reVou1on generally
OF the new terrorist which
which
tyEants in Russia Count Mbach
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

The Americans have captured two
more of those az milimeter guns.
Jimmy Johns wonders how much
that would be in our money.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
onr Air pIain. PIcase.

Ralph Folsom plans to enlist in
the aviation corpse TO enjoy the
embalmy atmosphere.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
a Standing Joke wnh bunny,

Here's Bunny Lonergan's version OF
the flu:
had little bird and its name was
Enza.
l opened the door and there stood
Enza.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
'xTRA.

Messages of sympathy are finding
tlieir way to Merle Chessman, secre-
tary of tho UmatiIia County Patriotic
Service Lcaguc. who was removed to
his home In n critical condition this
morning from his offices In the com.
mercinl club rooms just east of Main
on Court street. A consultation OF
physicians and surgeons diagnosed
the case and found him "a he "A victim
of eyestraln IL seems that Umatilla
county's patriotic secretary had been
leaning out of the windows Ia see who
the lady Is who's suffering from the
flu In Crawford and Hedges window.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

every cay but not single blossom
turned into a potato.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

Mrs. James J. Starrow,s prom
inent Boston (Mass.) clubwoman.
one of the organizers OF thu
Daughters of the Nation. COM
posed OF women relatives of
American soldiers and sailors, Is
now national vice president of the
war Mothers of America, with,
which organization the Daughters
OF the Nation combined at the re-
cent Evansville convention OF
american women who have given
their boys to the country's service.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
We Miss Him.

Koi Kiark Wood hasn't called for
some time.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

We advise the public to refrain
from kissing Roland Oliver.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14
SOCIAL AND PERSONALS

Mr.. and Mrs. Norborne Berkeley,
their guests Mr.. and Mrs. Charles
Berkeley or HAY Creek, and Miss Mil
drcd Berkeley and Norborne Berke-
les. Jr, composed motor party 10
Bingham springs yesterday. other
Pendleton folk included Mr. and Mrs.
r. u. dudd. MIR. and Mrs. J. f. Rob-
inson and Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Lock-
wood and family.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1918-10-14

to the faCth o
vnbe made to
he used he