The Washington herald., 1918-03-25

Think of the solid comfort Of being
able to wear shoes big enough for
your feet, with fiat heels. because you
are elderly, and they are the appro-
pirate things to wearl Think Of the
delights OF carefree existence in which
you can trail along two or three years
after the fashion. because you have
passed into the age class and do not
have to hot foot 1t after the latest
thing. in hats or gowns any more!
Think, oh camoufiaging sister, Of be-
ing able to smash your rouge poi, and
lose your powder rag, and wear a
nice Nclean soap-and-water face once
morel Think of being forever done
with the scalping irons and the hair
specialist. and having the privilege Of
doing your scanty locks up in a knot
the size of a hichory nut and skewer-
ing 1t TO the back of your head with
one pin!
Think of being forever freed from
the stortures of the Inquisition that
we women go through trying to con-
ceal our age, and knowing that de-
spite our best efforts we are always
under suspicion! When you think of
the mere bodily comforts that age
" NOu "OiutT I1ldl III
stead of setting back the clock. we
don't push It forward, and seize on
the privileges and perquisites of age
before we really have a right to them.
And this without even casting a hun
CRY glance at the table. to whose joys
we have been q stranger ever since we
ascertained that our weight was stead
ilys creeping up on us. The annals OF
- - 80 - Al.
price of a slight and willowy figure
at 40. are only written in the Book
of Martyrs, and not the least of the
recompense of age is plenty Of mashed
potatoes. gravy and chocolate cake.
Above all, no woman ever really
knows the peace that passes all un-
derstanding until she reaches the time
of life when men mean nothing in her
existence. and she doesn't care two
pence whether they admire her or not
OF course most women never. reach
that age. even If they live to be as
old as MethuseIah. which explains why
there are so few old women and con-
tented women.
It's only after a woman realizes that
she is too old for husband hunting
or husband keeping that she has time
to enjoy life and enjoy men, and when
she can afford to weed out her mas
culine .acquaintances and get rid of
the bounders and the bores.
Nobody knows what a woman has
to endure in the years while she sits
around looking pleasant. waiting for
the right man to come along. 1t doesn't
do for her to get the reputation of
being hard to please. because that
would scare of every man in the COM
munity. SO she has to smile on dotty
grandpas and beam on callow youths
and look fascinated while conceited
egoists spend hours telling her how
great and wonderful they are.
Having to listen to bores is one of
the sad. sad sorrows of life that the
elderly woman can eliminate, and that
alone is worth the price of growing
old.
And as for keeping a husbands love,
the elderly woman doesn't worry about
that, because she knows that the wife
who only holds her husband by a cor
set string has got a mighty precarious
hold on him and one that is liable
to break. If he doesn't love her for
something better than n make-believe
youth. he doesn't love her at all. and
there's-no use in her trying to paint
herself up Ike living picture.
1t isn't youth. it's age that is the
happiest time OF life for a woman.
But you can't make any of them be-
iieve it.
Copyright, 1918. by the Wheeler Syn
dicate. IncO