The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1918-09-20
A Letter from a Son to His Father.

- ~ ~ 44A1 a 40 .
The Crown Prince whose army made
q glorious retreat" recently for
"strategical reasons" has written this
letter to his father. the Kaiser. explain
Ing the situation on the battle front:
on the Run Somewhere in France.
august . Times.
Dear Papa:
I am writing you on the run as the
prave and glorious soldiers under my
command have not seen the Rhine for
SO long that they have started that way.
and Of course I am going NIT dem. Oh.
Pap. dere has been some offe1 dings hap
pened here in France.
First. I started in my big offensive
which was to crush the fool Americans.
but dey know so little military tatctcs
dat dey Will not be smashed Just like I
want en-. I sent my men in dey fght
in big vanes. and when dey got TO de
Americans dey all said Boo" { . as loud
as dey could holler. Veil. according to
vat you hat always told me. dey Ameri-
cans should have turned and run like
blazes. But what YOU link? Dem fool
Americans don't know anything about
war, and instead of running de odder
lay de. come right towards US. Some
of dem v4s singing something about we
Won Z cone DaCk III II = over over QeTe.
or some odder foolish song. and some of
dem lafT5ug like fools. Dey are so iguor-
ant. But dey are offel reckless NIT dere
guns ard ven dey come towards us it
vas den dat my men took a notion dey
wanted TO so back 20 de dear old Rhine.
We don't like de little old dirty Marine
river anyhow. And. oh. Pap. dem Amer
leans use such ofel language. Dey know
nothink Of kulture. and say such omel
dings right before us. And dey talk
b~lasphemy. Vat you think dey said right
IN front Of my face? One big husky
from a place dey call Kansas, he said,
Oh. Papa. 1 hate to tell you vat ohel
ding he said-but I cant help it. He
said. T He'll nit der Kaiser" I didn't
tink anybody would say such an offel
ting. Il made me so mad. I wouldn't
stand and hear such an offel ding. so I
turned round and run mix de odder boys.
Vas right. vat? And, on. papa. you
know dem breastpIates vat you sent us;
can you send some TO put on our backs?
You know We are going de odder vey.
now. and breast plates are no good for
the cowardly Americans are shooting us
right in de back. Some of our boys took
off der breastplates and put EN- behind
bus de fool Americans are playing D
Star S~pangled Banner" NIT machine
guns on dem plates. Can't you help US.
You remember in your speech you said
nothing could stand before ae brave Ger
man soldiers. oh. Pap, I don't believe
dose ignorant Americans ever read your
speech. fer dey run after US just like
We vast a lot OF rabbits. vot YOU tink of
dat? Can't you send some of your
speeches right away. Dey don't know
how terrible We are. Cant you move
my army back TO Belgium Yer Xe Won all
our glory? Ny men can vip all de VIM
men and children dat de Belgians bring
UP. But de Americans are SO rough and
ignorant. We can't make en- understood
dat We are de greatest soldiers on earth
and ven We try 10 sing "Deutchland
Ueber Allies" dey laugh like a lot of
monkeys. But We are getting de best Of
de Americans. We can outrun Gem. Papa
If We are not de best fighters on earth We
are sure de best runners. Nobody can
keep up nit US ven We tInk of der dear
old Rhine. and my army never I'D tink
so much &C dot dear cid river,
Let me know right away what to do
by return postoffice.
Grown Prince Willie"
(Taken from The Neodesha Register.
Kansas.