Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-05-16
THE ELECTRIC CHAIR
Thoughts at the Dentists


CocRATEs is visiting the dentist. The
~ doctor began by making little military
map Of our mouth, marking on 1t his
plan OF campaign. the main detectives OF
his offensive. and the frontiers to be recti-
fed. 1t seems that there are number OF
bolshevik disturbances to be auelled. and
| the jugo-slavs or jugo-salivary glands are
CRYING for disannexation. The whole situa.
tion is very complicated. We can't help
comparing it TO the irredentlst movement
in Italy.
We uttered plea for no annexations
and no indemnites, but the dentist was
very firm, He began by violating neutral
territory. pushing his first expeditionary
forceps up toward our channel ports. where
there are rich deposits Of gold and other
minerals Then with his little buzzer he
crooned a path along our jaw, laying out
Bagdad railway along the Great Wall OF
China that separates our mind from what
we really think.
We are no btter-cnder. and we imme-
diately began signaling for negotiated
peace but he kept on sending up reen-
forcements.
We never feel quite so convinced Of the
seriousness OF the worlds problems as
when we are sitting in the dentists chair.
And through the window we can see selfish
and mule-headed people passing along the
street, needless that there is such thing
as a tooth in the world
The dentist Is killing one of our nerves
and We are in much the same situation as
Germany, which is having its miltaristic
| and Hohenzollern nerve destroyed The
doctor has showed a neat little plug OF
arsenic, cocaine and oil OF cloves up against
that nerve in one OF our most cherished
provinces. and the nerve is showing every
symptom Of acute embarrassment Now
we know why Germany acts the way she
does. Her Prussian nerve IL dying and
causing her torture. Foch is the arsenic
and Hindenburg is the oil OF cloves and
the German press is the cocaine.
We have an aching crown too-another
parallel with Germany
Conngsby Dawson once said to us speak.
ing OF the trials and sorrows that are borne
with SO much fort!tude b. the men in the
trenches, What every one suffers. no one
suffers. II all the world woke up tomorrow
morning with a toothache, there would be
no such thing as toothache." II everybody
will at least pretend to have a toothache
Just while this nerve OF ours is making its
will and hypocrtically pretending that 1t
will be good if well give it Just one more
chance, etc. it will help us a great deal.
German militarism has given the world
bad case OF acid mouth and liberated
roots, and civilization feels about the mat.
ter just as the unfortunate Socrates does
about his teeth. No matter what it costs
him, in anguish and at the bank. he is
going To have the decayed worries disin-
fected. He Is not going to sign a prema.
ture peace, no matter how savagely that
buzzer sings.
The dentist found a very promising bat
talon Of death barricaded in one OF our
wisdom teeth; but by crying Kamerad, 70
the germs tney were lured into the open
and perished miserably under his little
syringe. 1t was famous bolsheviktory.
Going to the dentist is a great human
izer As we listen to that nerve OF ours.
singing plaintive little wall OF it's own.
we feel great sympathy for all the
stricken and oppressed. We yearn to look
suffering humanity in the eyes and say to
it. 'I too, have suffered" We could almost
sympathize with the City Hall gang. May
be some day the political nerves in the
Fifth Ward will be probed and disinfected
by some dentist with big high.speed
buzzer
We can almost sympathze with the
Kaiser over those molars OF his that vera