Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1918-08-16

mean TO lnllIlaI0 InaL tneTe was
anything very much amiss with
them. They always amused him
very much and he was quick to
catch the point.
He told me a story once that he
thought was particularly good.
A father and son were sitting in
n beer garden drinking. They had
had perhaps more than they could
we'll handle. when the son asked:
Father, how will I know when
I'm drunk2
when those two men sitting on
yonder seat look like four men to
son, you will know that YOU are
drunk"
"But, father" the son replied.
there is but one man on that seat!"
! Speaking of intemperance sug-
| gests q word or two about the
Kaiser's habits in that respect. He
told me that for years the strongest
drink he had indulged in was an
apple champagne which contained
no alcohol, and which was spe-
/ cially preparedtfo for him. The reason
for his abstinence was given to me
by one of my patients who was in
q position to know whereof he
spoke.
| He said that when the Kaiser was
/ a younger man he had been accus-
toned to indulge in strong liquors.
! and sometimes drank to excess. On
one occasion, while on his yacht in
Norwegian waters. he had imbih~d
somewhat too freely, and while
under the influence ordered the
captain to steer a certain course
which would have placed the vessel
in serious danger. To have dis
obeyed would have meant mourning
! the Kaiser's displeasure. as his
| command was law. Rather than
| risk the destruction of the vessel
and its occupants, however, the cap
I tain disregarded the Kaiser's 'tin-
| structions and then went ashore,
| procured a bicycle and rode down a
hill which carried him over the edge
of a precipice to his death. The
shock of this tragedy, the story goes,
turned the Kaiser against liquor of
all kinds, and he has never since
indulged.
The Kaiser's sense of humor fire.
! quently exhibited itself. He told nre
of a conference between representa-
tives of all the powers regarding the
selection of a king for Albania after
present thought the incumbent
ought to be a Catholic, others in
sisted that a Greek Catholic was
essential, still others maintained
that a Mohammedan would be most
logical.
;! 1t seemed quite impossible to
come to any agreement as to just
what religion the King of Albania
should profess. and the Kaiser had
ended the discussion, he said, with
the suggestion:
We'll, gentlemen, if a Protestant
won't do, and Roman Catholic
won't do, and a Buddhist is out of
the question, why not select a Jew
have his throat cut, anyway, in three
months"
The powers did not select a Jew,
but the Prince of Wied, the Kaiser S
nominee, was put on the throne, and
within a month or two afterwards
had to flee for his life.
In referring to Roosevelt's patri-
otic offer to lead an army in France,
the Kaiser declared that he admired
him for his courage and zeal.
I hear" he said, that he is now
on his way to Italy. 1t is too bad
we did not postpone our offensive
there. Perhaps we might have cap
/ tured him. Wouldn't Teddy look
!
Shortly after the U-boat Deutsch-
| land made it's successful trip to
! America, the Kaiser called on me,
and he was in a very jocular frame
of mind.
I happened to mention to him
| that I planned to go to America the
/ following summer in connection
with the porcelain tooth I had pat
ented.
We'll, it won't be necessary now,
Davis" he comented. I'VE can
send the Deutschland over and
bring back a boatload of teeth"
Fix my teeth we'll, Davis" he
declared on another occasion, 80
people 1 would like to bite!" And
he snapped his jaws together in a
way that would have boded i'll for
the victims he had in mind, al
though his remark was evidently
more facetious than vicious.
To the late Putnam Griswold, the
| opera singer, whom he had just seen
in the part of the King in Aida" he
said: You play the part of king
so well, Griswold, I am sure you
would be my most dangerous COM
| petitor"-a compliment whose full
| significance can be appreciated only
Oy lHOSe VINO hHOW now keeIlly the
| Kaiser enjoyed playing the king
himself and how necessarily he
played it.
The courtesy and affability which
| the Kaiser almost invariably dis
played in his relations with me did
! not prevent him on one occasion
| from showing his Indignation when
touched upon what was evidently
a very sore point-the part that
America was to play in the war, al
though he always claimed to be un-
! perturbed about the American situ-
| ation
He had pointed out that America
at that time had only 10000 men in
France and he believed that the
U-boats would effectively prevent
| any great addition to our forces
abroad if, indeed, they ever left
our shores.
"As matter of fact, however"
he added. your countrymen would
be very willing, no doubt, to fight for
their country to protect it from in
vasion, but I don't believe you'll
ever get many of them to leave
| home to fight abroad. America will
really be a very small factor in the
war, Davis!"
Your Majesty is Understanding
the. power of America" I replied.
He turned on me Indignantly, and
in his most imperious manner ex-
claimed
We underestimate no one! We
know exactly what we are doingn'
| How seriously he was mistaken in
| this respect has since been siIffi-