The Press., 1918-01-24

able me Fo marry I should esteem my self hOnored beyond measure in being invited by a lady in every way so cal cnlated to inspire my esteem. But my income, only $10,OOO a. year, is barely enough for my own
 Cries of Dead give away! !" "Selflsll bruteI' "T'Il bet she's going to cry!'
 "Who said cry? asked the cOnfessor, surprised.
 "I did, replied the homelieSt member,
 "That's exactly what she did,"
 sI knew it." said the homeliest mem Der. "A member of the club told me in confidence that certain instructions are laid down for the girls, the princi- pal of which is to cry"
 The confessor groaned and went on:
 "We were walking toward the girls home and at this point reached her door. She burst into passion of tears and ran into the house, shutting the door behind her.
 ''I stood looking vaguely about me, not knowing just what to do. wished a policeman would come along and run me in. I had an undefined sense of having comS.itted a crime. It seemed to me that had plunged dagger into the heart of the girl who had left me. went to my club, lighted q cigar, smoked it two minutes and threw it away. I went into the billiard room, knocked the balls about for two min utes more, threw down my cue and, showing my hands in my pockets, walk cd up and down in the hallway. SeV- eral of my friends came in, but some how I wanted to get rid of them. They all wanted to know what was the mat ter with me. One of them pestered me, telling me about some liver pills he had used with great effect.
 "I dined at the club with another. I surprised him by ordering my deS- sert immediately after the soup and undertook to carve a bird in cross sec tions. You sec, the poison had entered my blood and was crawling through the veins to the heart. When the din her was over 1 told my friend l was sick and was going home to bed. l lied. I had never before told deliber- ate lie You see, the effect of this In dian flower with it's noXiOus but ecstat- ic perfume, Facilis descensus Averni, which, being interpreted, means, When a man makes fnise step the descent into iniquity is easy
 "when one has committed a crime he feels an irresistible desire to visit the spot where it was enacted. The spot where my crime had been perpetrated was few steps from the home of the girl who had inoculated me. 1 went there. was possessed with a desire 10 apologize for a sin hadn't commit tel. rang the bell, went into the house and sent up my card"
 "G0ne up!' cried voice.
 Hell never go there any more" sail another.
 "Gentlemen," continued the comics sor, ''I sat with wildly beating heart in the drawing room till heard a rustic of skirts and tap of a tiny heel on the staircase. A moment later there in the doorway stood-what shall call it?-a vision of loveliness. q dream.
 "Gentlemen, have finished"
 "Go OnI' Don't I wish I'd had one like thatr' Peaches and cream are nothing to itr' and other such indeli cate, or, at least, irreverent, cries filled the room. The president rapped fol order
 'Fellow bachelors" he said, i've have all listened to the confession of oul unfortunate eX-member, and 1 know there is not one of us who has not lis tened with exuberant sympathy. Ex pressions of opinion as to the amount of the fine he shall pay are now ill or der. You are aware that the amount lies between $100 and $500" ''I move" cried n voice, ''that on ac count of the united pressure brought {. bear and the boycott Unusual circum stances) the fine be remitted entirely.
 And I move,'' said another, ''thai the fine be doubled. It's my opinion that our ex-brother was a willing vie tim"
 And I move" said the hOmeliest man, that the ladies of this city be invited to organize one of these Indian piZen societies right here among us"
 At this there were grOans and cries of Put him outr' "Renegadew 'He'S been infectedr' under which the home lest man Cried to hide.
 The president arose.
 "Gentlemen," he said, "since it is Jeff with me to name the fine,. will say that agree with our fellow member who says that the circumstances ir this case are unusual, and will remit the fine altogether
 ~ The confessor arose fOfs q last word
 "Gentlemen" he 3saidJ T insist or paying double fine. My descent into Averrius is worth a>hnAdred times the amouAt."