The Press., 1918-09-19

! AIIOIS0, TOT n0dNcn SHKG, Keen still! You will wake the baby"
 That settled the song. However, l made up my mind to be light-hearted at all odds, and I went out into the yard to work in the gar- | den.
 Scientists say it's the most health full thing in the world to shovel dirt in the garden. There is a resiliency | in the ground as you tread it, and a repercussiOn of earth-waves that sets free properties in the soil that kill the germs of cOnsumptiOn-and had been coughing lately, anyway! Suddenly l became conscious of the fact that Mrs Klein was watching me from .n upper window.
 "Such q man." she cried. "Al- | fOnse, haven't you an ounce of sense Do you know what you are dOingT
 "Why, er-ny dear, believe l am working in the garden" I meekly an swered
 | You are tramping on the cucum hers, and you have ruined my tOmSt" vines, so you have. Get out or tn' l garden this minute:" was tempted to swear as put the tools away in the shed. but didn't and I resolved t0 be game. ! When Mrs. Klein sat down to break l fast, l beamed at her most graciOusiy and assumed the hrOadest smile l had in stock at the time. for l was sure it would please her. She looked at me rather surprised. smiled ain. Mrs. Klein gazed at me sharply. "AlfOnse, what's getting into you? You look so silly" This was rather depressing, and ! felt that the smile was coming off. Then I remembered Josh Billings. and put on broader smile than be- fore
 Mrs. Klein grew furious. "AlfOnse! You are making fun of me. You mean"
 ''There. dear. assure you l had no such Intentions whatever"
 So the meal ended in sObbing con test on Mrs. Klein's part. and l tried in vain to comfort her.
 Before l went downtown to the office she called me into the house.
 "AlfOnse, l want to know what ails you this morning? Are you sick? Did you get overloaded yesterday?" There was a note of anxious pity in her voice
 No dear" l replied.
 But she wasn't satisfied. She was going to ring up the doctor; and, in order to square myself. l made clean breast of the whole affair to my wife-tOld of the plan Trout and were following for the day-and she laughed heartily ns l bade her good by.
 I had just finished my supper that evening when the telephone bell rang.
 "HalIO"
 "HallO."
 "ThiS Mir. Klein?"
 "Yes. this Is Mr. Klein"
 '''rhis Is Mrs. Trout"
 How do you"
 Dear Mr. Klein. I wish you would go downtown and see if you can find Simon. He's been acting awful queer today and I'm afraid something has happened to him. Will you go?"
 "Why. of course. When"
 'I'll be awfully grateful. Good-by."
 I hung up the receiver. rather anx- ious. and told my wife Mrs, Trout's message. My wife said she didn't know, now. whether a man was big ger fool before marriage than after. ] jumped into my coat. grabbed my hat and hurried off in search of Simon.
 went to Herr Schmidt's first. He signaIed 10 me mysteriously. walked me into corner, and whispered:
 "Dey haf Mir TrOudt locked up fin shall"
 What for?"
 "Ach! How shLdld know? Some body said he was getting gay mid de goilS and acting awful funny" =.
 rushed franticalIy to the jail.
 met q man patrolltng Water street with gun.
 He said he was looking for "MiSter Trout who had stepped in his house and tried to separate him and his wife. who had been haffing a Ieedle misunderstanding
 There was Il crowd of people stand ing near the grated window
 9Th impudent whelp!" one young woman was saying. He's tn nice scoundrel that was tryin' to fltrt wid me"
 "He came into my yard and in sisted on helping me carry book ease into the house. I told him to never mind but he persisted. and he stumbled on the walk and broke the glass door" commented an elderly widow. "He'H never leave that jail if he doesn't hand me the price of the glass door he broke"
 "The villain! He's been laughing at me every time he passed my shop to- day. I believe he's crazy!"
 "He came into my house and tried to tell me how to hang a picture. chased him out with a brOOm.'
 "He stopped our children on the way to school. and took up a quarter of an hour of their time telling them how many beautiful places there were in America that every boy and girl should some day make up their minds to visit. and the children were late for school"
 He got me to unite a tin-can from a dogs tail while he held the dog The dog hit him and the tin can cut my hand so l had to pay a doctor four dollars to sew 1t up."
 What does all this mean?" I de- manded. as I elbOwed my way to the window.
 That you. Klein?"
 I took Tr0ut's Outstretched hand and shook it warmly.
 "Ten MaImsmhy it's all a mistake"
 MaImsmby was the chief of police and in short time he came and re- leased the disciple of Josh Billings.
 Over il cup of hot coffee at Herr Schmidt'S cafe we talked of life as we found it.