The Washington herald., 1918-02-24
Just Like n Fish.

II only had six drinks OF whisky.
Judge. and / don't see how could
possibly be drunk"
"What-you only had six drinks
how big were they7"
About this big, said Harry Lam
gren. indicating six fingers Of whisky.
''Great Heavens, man." exclaimed
the Judge. why. one drink that size
Is enough to make you drunk. Good
ness knows what the six drinks you
had did to your
Never faxed me, Judge" said Har-
ry. II can drink twice that much and
not get drunk-that is real drunk-I
might get little shaky."
How big bottle did these drinks
come out OFF," asked the court.
Half a pint size," answered
Harry. II emptied 1t all but about
three drops"
WAS the bottle full when you
started?" asked the court again.
"oh. yes" said Harry, "and it was
empty when I finished"
Fifteen days In JAIL" said the court.
Tough Luck.
She was hungry.
She was penniless. She had no home
no one to care whether she lived
or died-and no one to do anything
for her or her sick baby.
Her husband had gone to Hopewell,
Va, she told the court. He prom
ised to send for her. She waited and
waited. He must have forgotten her
She never heard a word from him.
1t was now four months since she
had seen him.
She stole some money. q matter of
s., to buy food for herself and milk
and medicine for the baby. Two
months old babies require a lot Of
care-sometimes very particular care.
She was even glad that the police
had her. Her greatest worry-that
OF finding shelter and food for the
little one was on her mind-even II
only for a time.
She pleaded guilty to the charge.
She didn't seem to care very much
about the disgrace-she had other
worries.
In a way. she felt justIfed-be-
cause. is not self-preservation the
first law OF nature?
The whole pitiful situation was
Strengthened out when the court turn
ed Ella Marston and her infant baby
over to a charitable organization,
which promised to set her straight
again.
Oh, You Benny!
Once there was a man named Ben
Schzecyski.
Everybody called him Ben because
his last name was a corker.
He used to work on the railroad
tracks. And one day the Congression-
al Limited almost hit him and he
kissed the railroad company good
by.
For six months he bummed about
the country. He was a naturalized
citizen in spite of his name and there
fore he could bum where he pleased.
One afternoon be stumbled into the
Union Station. He Topped down into
a seat in the waiting room just as II
he owned IL.
A cop came along and asked him to
please move along. Usually folks do
whatever a, cop says when he says
please"
Not 50 with Ben. He stayed right
where he was
That is-he stayed until the cop got
him by the nape OF the neck and
chucked him in the patrol wagon.
why don't you go to work." ask
ed the court when Ben was up on a
charge Of vagrancy.
Il gotta cold in my heada, Jutch,"
he answered.
court. but I work. Sixty days for
you, Ben"
Persistent Sister Susie.
"Dissa woman she cum TO nah
place. She wan some yokamee. All
say no got yokamee. She say me
liah. She hit me in my nose"
Charlie Wah, q waiter in a Chi
nese restaurant. his nose some
what the worse. was complaining
about Susie Gates.
1t happens that on this particular
day the place sold out OF yokamee
entirely.
And so when Susie came in she
just naturally had to have some
thing that wasn't to be had.
Charlie tried to tell her in his
and in the English language that
he did not have a spoonful in the
whole place.
iCIuECu DellGNS u. De-
fore Charlie knew what was what,
Susie had used her fist.
He yelled for help. Two other
Celestials ran out for a cop. They
succeeded in controlling Susie and
locking her up.
Day yaller debbil tole me ter
git out" said Susie by way OF ex-
PLANTATION. "Ah am a lady en- All
doan allow no heather to talk to
me lax dat"
Il am very sorry" said the court.
but you will have to pay a nne
Of SEQ"