Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-03-25
Sitting in
the Burber's Chair

ONcE every ten weeks or so we get our
" hair cut
We are not generally parsnonious of our
employers time but somehow we do hate TO
uquander that thirty-three minutes, which IL
the exact chronicide involved in despoiling
our skull of ten weeks garner. II we were to
have our hair cut at the end of eight weeks
the shearing would take only thirty-one min
utes; but We can never bring ourselves 10
rob our employer of that much time until we
reckon he is really losing prestige by our
unkempt appearance. OF course, we believe
IN having our hair cut during Office hours
That is the only device we know to make the
hateful operation tolerable
To the times mentioned above should be
sdded hfteen seconds, which is the slice of
eternity needed TO trim, prune and chssten
our mustache which is not a large group Of
foliage.
we knew travelling man who never got
MS hair cut except when he was on the
road. which permitted him to include the
transaction In his expense account but
somehow II seems To us more ethical to steal
time than to steal money.
MTE LIKE 70 view this whole matter in a
w philosophical and ultra -pra gmatic way
Some observers have hazsrded that our post
ponement OF haircuts is due TO mere lethargy
and inertia but that rs not so Every time
we get our locks shorn our wife tells US
that We have got them too short She sayg
that our head has very homely and bour-
geois bullet shape, sort of pithecanthropoid
contour. which is revealed by a close trim
After five weeks growth however, we begin
to look quite distinguished. The difficulty
then Is to ascertain just when the law Of
diminishing returns comes into play. When
do we cease to look distinguished and begin
10 appear merely sloveny? Careful study
has taught us that this begins to take place
at the end Of sixty-tive days, In warm
weather Add five days or so for natural
procrastination and devilment, and We have
cerenty days interval which we have posted
as the ideal orbit for our tonsorial ecstasies
MJHEN at last we have bounded ourself
w into robbing our employer of those
thirty-three minutes plus fifteen seconds for
you know what, we find oursef in the bar
bers chair. Despairingly we gaze about az
the little blue TASKS with flowers enameed
on them at the piles of clean towels: at the
bottles of mandrake essence which we shall
presently have TO affirm or deny. Under any
other circumstances should deeply enjoy
half hour spent in a comfortable chair. with
nothing to do but do nothing. Our barber Is
a delightful fellow; he looks benign and does
not prattle; he respects the lobes of our ears
and other vulnerabia. But for some inscrut.
able reason we feel strangely i'll at ease in
his chair. We can't think of anything TO
think about Blankly brood in the hone of
catching the hem of some intimation of i'm
mortality But no. there is nothing TO do but
sit there useless as an incubator with no
eggs in it. The processes of wasting and
decay are hurrying us rapidly TO a pauperish
grave. every instant brings us closer to n
notice In the obit column and yet we sit and
sit without two worthy thoughts TO rub
against each other.
Oh, the poverty OF mortal mind, the sad
meagerness of the human soul Hero we are
o vital, breathing entity, transformed to a
mere chemical carcass by the bleak magic
of the BARRIERS chair In our anatomy of
melancholy there are no such atrabiliar mo-
ments as those thirty-three tand a uuarter)
minutes once every ten weeks. Roughly
speaking, we spend three hours of this living
death every year.
A ND vet, perhaps It Is worth It, for what
n jocund and pantheistic nerrment
possesses us when we escape from the shop
Bay-rummed, powdered shorn, brisk and
perfumed. we fare down the street exlalins
the syrups of Cathay. Once more we can
take our rightful place among aggressive and
wel.groomed men we look in the face
without blenching those human leviathans
who are ever creased. razored and white
margined as to vest We are a man among
men and our untethered mind jostes the
stars. We have had our hair cut and no
matter what gross contours our cropped skull
may display to wives or ethnologists we are
free man for ten dear weeks. S. V