Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1918-10-25
MISSOURI SOLDIER WRITES
LETTER FOR CROWN PRINCE

Az the Crown Prince has been so
busy lately keeping safe distance
In advance OF the allied armies, that
he hasn't had time to write to his
father. the kaiser. so a Missouri sol
der, who il in France conceived the
idea of writing a letter for Prince
Willie, and the following IL the result
of his efforts:
Dear Papa: am writing on der
run as der brave and glorious soldiers
under my command have not seen der
Rhine for 30 long dat they have start
ed back that way, and or course / am
going NIT dem. Oh, pap, dere has
been some offel dings happened here
In France. First, started in my big
Offensive, which was to crush de fool
Americans, but they know so little
about military tactics dat dey will not
be crushed Just like want 'em. II
sent my men in der fight in der big
waves. and ven dey got to de Ameri-
cans dey all said Boo as loud as
they could boiler. Veil, according to
vat you have always told me, de
Americans should have turned and
run like blazes. But vat do you tink?
Dem fool Americans don't kno any
thing about war, and instead OF run
ming de odder way, dey came right
toward US. Some of dem vas singing
about I've won't come back till it's
over, over dere," or some odder fool
ash song, and some of dem were laf-
mig like fools. Dey are so ignorant.
But dey are offel reckless init der
guns, and ven dey come toward us It
vas dat my men took a notion dey
wanted to go back to de dear old
Rrine. We don't like de little dirty
Marine river, anyhow. And oh, pap,
dem Americans use such offel Ian
guage. Dey know nothing of kultre
and say such offel dings right before
US. And dey talk blasphemy, too.
Vot you think dey said right in front
OF my face? One big husky from
place dey call Missouri, he said-oh,
papa, hate to tell you vat an offel
ting he said-but can't help It; he
said: ITO hell init der kaiser!" Did
You ever hear anything so offel?
didn't tink anybody would say such
an offel ting. 1t made me so mad /
wouldn't stand and hear such an offel
ting SO ! turned around and run init
de odder boys. Vas / right? Vat?
And, oh, papa, you know dem breast
plates vot you sent us-can you send
some to put ON our backs?' You
know We are going de odder way,
now, and breastplates are no good, for
de cowardly Americana are shooting
us right in der back Some of our
boys took off der breastplates and
put 'em behind but de fool Americans
are playing DE Star Spangled Ban
ener" init machine guns ON dem plates.
Can't you help us You remember
i'm your speech you said nothing could
stand before the brave German sol
dierS2 Oh, papa, don't believe desc
ignorant Americans ever read your
speech, for dey run after us just like
We vas lot of rabbits. Vot you tink
of dot? Cant you send dem some. OF
your speeches right away? Dey don't
know how terrible We are. Can't you
move my army back to Belgium we're
We Won all our glory? My men can
vip all the vimmen and children vot
dem Belgians can bring us. But desc
Americans are so rough and ignorant.
We can't make 'em understand that
We are the greatest soldiers on earth,
and ven We try to sing Deutschland
Ueber Allies" dey laugh like a lot Of
monkeys. But We are getting de best
of de Americans. We can outrun
dem. Papa, II We are not de best
fighters on earth We are sure de best
runners. Nobody can keep up init us
when We tink of der dear old Rhine.
and my army never did tink so much
of dot dear old river. Let me know
right away vot 70 do by return post
ONCE.
July 20 times.
CROWN PRINCE WILLIE