South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1918-06-30
MAN IN THE STREET

him when he wishes 10 submit his
views II it is absolutely necessary
to have her attention. take a $40
bill out Of your pocket just as you
begin TO speak and hand il 20 her
Just as soon as you finish and don't
expect 10 hold the floor too long
for ten-spot
The railroads get a raise of 20
per cent, and our idea is that If
fellow pays a penny more TO ride on
trolley car it need not destroy the
. foundations of the universe
The people of this old town who
are burning daylight now in the
matter of ordering next winters
coal will fnd themselves depending
upon solar heat next winter when
the billiards sing around the cor
ners of the house.
! a southern preacher says young
John D. Rockerfellegs theology
won't hold water. Young John d.
is a Baptist. If his theology won't
/ hold water it is time for him 70
repair IL. A Baptist theology with
out water is like an apple pie with
out hlling or pastry.
Regret.
As pants the spot where once they
sat
Our trouserettes, non est
In sullen mood our memory stings;
They didn't stand the test!
II is said our soldiers in England
are trying TO teach London how to
/ play baseball. That may prove TO
/ be the beginning OF forces which
T in other years may merge the great
F English speaking races into one
/ great democratic party with offices
enough 70 go round.
Another way 10 improve the verse
of three-f ourths OF the war poets is
TO put them in the trenches where
they can get the inspiration of the
battle itself.
If the situation in France looks
SO bad TO YOU that everything seems
lost, take q dose of castor oil. Didn't
I you ever read the stanza OF the old
hymn which runs this wise?: 'Ye
fearful saints fresh courage take.
the clouds We so much dread are
big with mercy and shall break with
blessings on your head"
Another reason why the callow
youth Of this time is spindle-shank-
ed. narrow -chested and dance
crazy is that he was not permitted
TO live in a period when it was the
height Of fashion TO wear paper
collars and use two pints Of bear
grease on his hair every week.
Still the man who says he would
rather walk five miles in the morn
ing before breakfast than TO ride
in an automobile is mot danger
Gus liar He belongs 20 the breed
characterized by a pernicious and
obstreperous eccentricity Of the
veracity
rough and still a gentleman at
heart. And on the contrary a kaiser
may have the superficial graces of
a human being and still be a MUIR
derous beast beneath.
Another thing is. disagreeable as
il is to think about it, when man
has reached half-past forty he has
sense enough to know it is all
wrong for women to wear the kind
Of bathing suits they do in these
times
Why do you put your left hand
over your heart when you drink
from the fountain in front of The
. News-Times?' asks some heat
crazed imbecile. Why, to keep our
nose out of the water. of course.
Jerry OLeary is not the only dis
loyal sim Feiner in this country.
If Uncle sam will keep his weather
eve peeled he may be able 70 flush
/ several covies OF them.
God has much IN store tor ger
many" declares the kaiser 10 the
reichstag That's the truth. And
America IS the storekeeper and will
deliver the goods for Him at the
appointed time and it will be
a-plenty
Lillian Russell says affectation
has always existed. is disgusting.
and women ought 10 avoid IT, II
ought 20 be avoided. but il has not
always existed. There was very
little put-on about Mother Eve, and
many Of her daughters are emulat-
ing her example in a most striking
manner AT the present time.
In connection with the disaster
which befell us on north side car
the other day. a lady friend phones
Us that men have no right 10 wear
trousers. anyway. We know IT,
having learned long ago that this
is a privilege that belongs exclu-
sively 70 the other part or the
household
We strongly believe IN the ef-