New-York tribune., 1918-09-13
Shoes and Ships
And Sealing Wax
THAT TRIP TO BUFFALO

Back In the days OF long ago
There was girl named Phoebe Snow.
She always dressed in spotless white
She always travelled, clean and bright
From early morning until night,
Over the Road Of Anthracite.
But now all this is changed-for
The engines Of the D. e. l..
Chew soft coal-and you know it we'll
By many an inky spot and smudge
Which soap and water will not bulge;
Besides, you get coat Of black
Far up your sleeves and down your
back;
All the while.
You're paying three good cents 8 mile.
Oh. for the days Of long ago
Oh, for the girl named Phoebe Snow!
When Communication Rates were low.
H. F. NJ.
The Kaiser admits that he has done
all he could to shorten the war. Now
watch US, Bill!
Hereafter a certain New York hotel
admits no soldiers until it is furnished
with certificates proving the would-be
guests to be mild, kind and guaranteed
to stand without htching. This is the
statement of the night clerk of the
hosiery, who exhibits several newly
turned gray hairs as evidence that the
Yanks have been there.
Recently group Of soldiers on their
way to France spent their last night
in the city at the hotel. Fearsome
chords Of Harmony" clambered over
the transoms of their rooms, and these,
combined with scuff1ings and exultant
ycps, contrivcd to get on the nerves of
the night clerk.
He protested firmly and haughtily,
and at last stcrnly threatened to have
them put out.
"Gwan and call your old cop" replied
the chief noise maker. "But lissen
first. Get Whit of my breath? Sure
we been drinking. Well, when the cop
comes in, we're all going to say we're
drunk and that you sold US the booze.
Now call him!"
The clerk didn't.
Germany is constructing a "Parsifal
Line" but We are looking forward to
the day when they will retire to the
Gotterdammerung position.
The Yonkers Railway Company. much
against its Will, runs it's midnight car
on the Warburton Avenue line for the
benefit OF one man. No one else uses
it, Leslie Sutherland, manager of the
concern, says. 1t is the aforemen-
toned persons private conveyance.
Every night at II he leaves the Getty
House and boards his car, which car
ries him in lonely state to his home,
three miles down the line. The rail-
way company has tried to take the car
off. but the sole passenger sticks to his
rights, Mr. Sutherland says. The last
time the concern tried he got 400 citi-
zens to sign a petition against its re-
moval.
Traffic came to noon day halt at
Seventy y-second Street and Broadway
yesterday while legless man propelled
himself at a snal-like pace to the po-
liceman's post in the middle of the
street.
"Where do ] rcgister?" inquired the
cripple. The policeman pointed several
blocks down on Amsterdam Avenue
He swung slowly away until he finally
reached the long line of walters.
He kept the line in good humor with
his CHEEKY remarks and as he passed
the policeman at the door he sang out:
"Maybe I can do something for the
boys over there. I'm ashamed of my
self, all I've done is to put all my
money in thrift stamps and knit socks"
How did you become crippled ?"
asked the officer.
"Aw-that's long ago. Not in this
war. They amputated 'em after blood
poisoning when I got shot up in the
Spanish war"