The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1918-09-21
TELLS Of Wild MOTOR RIDE over
ROAD SWEPT BY HUN ARTILLERY
Writer Uses His Cap Shock Absorber for Knocking Knees
bitches Become Unbeeyaby Popular and SxFoot Man Is
Perfectly Able to Conceal Himself in a sK-inch Ditch
Makes Record Time Getting Into Trenches.
BY CLARENCE 3. HOLLAND.

ny CLARENCE .. HOLLAND.
Paris.-A man can be only SO
frightened. After that he dies sudden
", or laughs, or both. Also, no mat-
ter how scared you are, curiosity sur
wives. u;
If shell is coming. you want to see
It land. Fit is going to swat you, you
want to see how it goes about 1t.
We were going back from the front
back. The battle was behind us.
Privately each one Of us didn't care
how much farther behind us it got. It
could pick up it's belongings and move
away from us as fast as we were NOV
ing away from 1t II it wanted. No
body would hear a protest from any Of
us.
At q crossroads our meteOric prog
ress was halted by young and severe
soldier with NJ. r. on his sleeve.
"You can't pass" he said; they're
Smelling the road ahead"
He didn't need to tell us. We knew
It. As a matter Of fact we could have
told him things about that road being
shelled that he would never know.
A shell came screaming over our
heads to "wham' down alongside the
road hundred yards beyond. It
wasn't big shell. In a calmer mo-
nent, and at q greater distance, ]
might have admitted that 1t was lit
tie shell. an Insignificant shell, a neg
Iigible three-inch shell. But when it
went over my head I was willing to
take oath that 1t was a AZ centimeter.
When was dug out Of the ditch into
which had Owed and the mud
scraped out of my eyes ! took last
look down the road.
Cap 40 Shock Absorber.
Something was paining me in the re-
gion of the knees. Also there was
sound resembling that made by Broth
er Bones in the minstrel show. Minute
examination demonstrated that the
pain was caused by the knees assault
ing each other venomously. / stuck
my cap between them as shock alb
sorber and looked again.
1T was a busy little road. It was not
a popular road. Everybody on it had
taken dislike to 1t and was moving
away with enthusiasm. In the dis
lance were three German prisoners
and one American private. The prl-
yate was on q horse. 1t looked a very
fast horse, but the Germans were hav-
ing trouble with It. It kept getting In
their way. They stumbled over 1t.
"Wham" came another shell. It's
explosion was almost drowned out by
the sounds Of concusslon at my side.
They were caused by the beating to-
gether Of the knees Of the driver Of
the Y. M. G. "A. car and by those OF
a buck private. Their note was differ
emit, and the meter dissimilar, but the
air was much the same. / could not
quite make out which accomplished the
most knocks to the minute, nor which
was loudest. 0
Several ration carts were approach
Ing. 1t was no slow, dignified, matron-
Iy progress. Anybody who believes q
team Of mules is incapable of speed
should have been there to see. The ra-
ton carts were filled with hard tack.
The hard tack was as scared as any
thing else, and was trying to keep up
to the cart--but 1t was out of luck.
1t had no arms to hang on with. The
air was full of hard tack. 1t flowed
out behind those ration carts like a
ribbon. 1t was snowstorm Of hard
tack, and nobody paused to ask where
II fell.
bitches Are Popular.
Every ditch was unbelievably popu-
lar, It didn't have to be deep ditch
nor clean ditch. Any common or
garden variety of ditch would do. A
six.foot man was perfectly able to con-
ceal himself in six-inch ditch. Heads
would poke up. and another shell
would land. Immediately 1t would be-
come a scene of desolation, lifeless
waste.
After awhile an airplane went over
head to locate the battery that was
causing all the rumpus. Then the bat
terry stopped.
"Go ahead,"s said the M. p. They're
through now
He is the last M. p. I shall ever be-
lieve. This ispositive. He meant well.
and spoke the truth according to his
lights, but his lights were dim. We
started, and we continued. We con-
tinued so rapidly that the scenery
looked like green fog, for Fritz was
not through.
A shell landed alongside the road
and telephone wire dropped across
our faces. II 1t had been range of
mountains 1t wouldn't have stopped us.
People who saw us pass viii never
know what we were. 1t will remain a
mystery to them to their dying days.
We were pale streak, very pale
streak.
We We're not travelling for pleasure,