The Washington herald., 1918-03-05

inine WOuiu Keep Her HOuI smut en
mind her own bizness, All would git
along alright" go
John Birch had been arrested for
threatening to murder Eva Johnston,
has ma-in-law.
And Eva told the court that some-
thing must be done with her obstrep-
erous son-in-law, or he would put her
in the grave.
John says that all his troubles, all
his worries and financial difficulties,
are the fault of Eva's persistent butt
ing into his affairs.
Eva says that John let her support
has wife and children without as
much as thanking her for doing it.
Last Friday night John flew off the
handle. Eva said, when she got after
him for not buying his youngest child
a pair of shoes.
"Jedge," said John. ''ef you will only
mex dat woman move 'outen nah
house en- let me TEX care OBJ nah
wife en- kids, yo will neber see me
agfn."
It'll take your bond this time" an
swered the court. land don't ever
threaten to murder any one again, no
tnaItoT what tney oo'
Ike Was Peeved.
Saturday night after Ike Ross got
paid of he sent word around to Bir-
die Stephens that he would take her
out to supper.
Birdie came a running. She knew
II meant a real feed.
The pair had been In the Greek
Iunchery about half an hour.
Birdie suddenly spied one Of her old
beaux. She motioned him to come
over to where she sat.
She forgot to introduce Ike. And
he, poor fellow, was getting hot in
the collar all the time.
After waiting a few minutes Ike
got up.
"Yo fren wot yo appears to be so
interested in kin tex yo home." he
said peevishly to Birdie, "Ah am goin'
alone"
please don't ack LAX dat" pleaded
Birdie. "Ah will be fru talkin' in a
minute
without the slightest warning Ike
poked Birdie in the snoot and knocked
her on the floor.
The man to whom she was talking
| ran out as fast as he could.
You ought to be ashamed OF your
self to strike such a small woman"
the court said to Ike as it told him
| to pay a fine OF so.
False and Yet Not False.
'Jutch. dis man he say me wife
! have false teeth. 1t not so. Me wife
| only have teeth what I buy for her
at da place of da man what sells
teeth"
Dem teeth is -da good teeth
Jutch. dey no is false. Da man Mike
he is what you call d liar"
One afternoon Caesar Vitoldo and
Mike Caselo had an argument.
Caesar had heard that Mike made
some remarks about his wife having
false teeth.
Not understanding just what the
word false" implied in this case,
Caesar got as mad as a wet hen.
He called Mike up en- the phone
and had him come to his house.
And Mike came-thinking that
Caesar was going to pay him a few
dollars that he owed.
But instead there was a scrap.
Caesar hit Mike in the jaw.
Mike tried to explain that the
word false" in this case meant
substitute. but Caesars knowledge
of English is so slight that explana-
tions were futile.
Even now Caesar is in the dark as
to what Mike really meant. He is
still mad with him.
There is apt to be another fight,
as the court took Caesars bonds to
keep the peace.
Natural Born Curiosity.
Five dollars for a look at a SOL
der.
This may be rather expensive. but
that is what it cost John Jenifer.
Johns curiosity was aroused last
Saturday night when he saw two
provost guards arresting a drunken
soldier.
Going up to the bunch John gave
vent to his feelings by butting in
on the business of the guards.
Better trot along. sonny. and
mind your own business said one
o fthe guards.
"Ah amt gonna trot nowhere.
answered John defiantly - and
turning to the drunken man, he Of
fered him a cigarette.
The next thing John knew he was
sprawling on the street. One of the
guards had cracked him in the
jaw.
Policeman Frye, who had been
telephoning for the patrol, came
along and rescued what was left
of the inquisitive John.
And John went to jail in the
same patrol wagon that carried the
object of his sympathy.
Pay a fine of So" said the court,
"and hereafter let other peoples
affairs alone, else it will cost you
money"
A YOkamce Souse.
"Jedge,. indeed All wasn't drunk.
All admit All had eat some yoka-
NEE. 1t wasn't me dat was stag
germ. 1t was de drunken lady wot
All was tryin' ter TEX home"
Ben Holmes did his best to prove
that it was the lady who was
drunk and not himself.
OF course, the -yokamee that Ben
ate might have. gone to his head
and set him reeling
Anyhow, the cops got him as he