The Washington herald., 1918-01-10

a goldfish can do TO disturb the peace
Miss Baird Leonard, the pungent para
grapher OF the Morning Telegraph, q
goldfish for a present the other day.
When the elevator man informed her
that he had put a goldfish in her
apartment she looked at him sharply
to see IL he was registering imperti-
nence or imbecility
She opened the door OF her apart
ment and beheld a glittering three
fourths OF an inch object darting
through the channels of a Bocklin pic
ture in a japanese bowl. Caesars
cryptic triple verb message about his
conquest of the Gauls went double for
that goldfish. Miss Leonard was
changed more quickly than the Gent
in "Marouf' from an independent
voter to a slave beset by responsible
ity.
First. the fish had to be named. So
she christened him "Stuyvesant." Sec
ondly, he had to be cared for. Every
body. except Miss Leonard. il seemed
knew all about goldfish. Some said to
be careful and change the water every
day. and others said to change IT
| three times a week. And then some
said feed it twice daily and others
thrice daily.
An apartment neighbor dropped in
and saw the lone goldfish and shud-
dered. There was only one thing TO
do-said the neighbor-get a compan-
ion for Stuyvesant or he will die.
So she started out and drifted into
| one OF those drugless drug stores that
Keep everything in the world but
drugs.
II am looking for a miunow to play
with my goldfish" she said TO the
clerk. The clerk turned her over 10
the chief OF the minnow department
There was a paucity of companiona Bile
minnows. The clerk believed it was
the war-at least everything was be-
ing blamed on the war.
So Miss Leonard went home TO see
her goldfish die OF loneliness. While
she had gone something had happened.
/ There was Stuyvesant and two little
goldhsh. And now it seems that she
VIII have to, change Stuyvesant's 5
name.
theatrical managers are huddliuS
into their fur coats these days. Dirty
weather mates, along the Rialto.
llcket SPECTATORS go about with tears
IN their eyes wishing they had stuck
TO ourgarly or sncakinE milk cans
Where II would be possible 10 have a
dinner at Child's now and then.
w. A Brady said recently that II
would be only short while before at
least twenty theaters in New York
would be dark. A. L. Erlanger. the
same day said about the same thing.
When Brady and Erlanger say the
| same things it means something. For
years they have increased the work
ing hours OF lawers TO prove the an
| cient adage that there are several
sides to question. II Erlanger SAYS
II is going to rain, Mr.. Brady predicts
long. dry spell.
The theater is in an alarming state
seventy new productions thus far and
forty-nine have expired with low
gurgles. And the poor stars are as
free of money as an unwashed Rus
| sian is of a clean collar. William,
Faversham and his lovely eyes lasted
two weeks. Henry Miller one. Billie
Burke survived thirty-three perform
ances. Alice Nielsen achieved two.
A new song on Broadway that is
SSieS pOpuidI Is u OlS "ipu'h-
ful for convivial souls who always
| chirp the latest ditties homeward
bound in the morning dawn. 1t u a
rousing sea song and has the words
We'll Knock the Hcligo into Heligo,
out Of HeligoRnd." Three young
blades in evening clothes and silk
toppers. arms linked. were weaving
up Broadway cheering late pedestrians
with tunes. One started the Heiigo
song. The others tried to follow and
after several false starts they sud
denly switched to "Over There" And
not one of them smiIed-but the late
pedestrians had a good laugh.