The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1918-08-01

THE EMME,,
low wishes he were at home in the
bathroom.
Emperor Karl of Austria is writing
notes A recent one reads: "Dear
Willy: My heart bleeds for you by
the Marine yet, as yours did for me
by the Piaye STILL"
Ever notice that the meaner a hus-
band is, the more likely woman is
to do what he tells her to- All the
women who have good husbands do
as they please, and generally boss
their husbands around besides.
q q q
"Well, say" calculated Young Bill
who had been to the circus. 81 don't
see how an elephant, eating peanuts
one at a time, can get 'em down fast
enough to keep from starving to
DEATH But, doggone him, he does it"
An American soldier wrote in his :
letter home that he could not write :
all he wanted to write, on account of
the "durn fool censor" "But," he said :
in closing, eff you will look under the
stamp you will find some real news"
The censor then eagerly tore up the :
STAMP and found these words: Dear
censor, go to h" :
When a mother received a cable :
gram from her son overseas she was :
afraid to open it. A number of neigh :
bors gathered around and advised her :
that she must be strong, spoke of
what a glorious cause it is and r.. :
minded her that the Lord giveth and e
the Lord taketh away. Then the mes :
sage was opened. 1t read: Gam 60 :
ing to Scotland on a furlough."
z & =
A Frenchman was waiting at a rail-
road station in Ireland when couple =
Of natives sat down beside him. Said =
one: "Sure, Pat, it's down to Kill :
mary I've been, and Pm on me way =
back to Fitzpatrick" aye don't say =
so," said the other. "It's meself that's
Just after bein down to Kilkenny, and
stop here bit before go to Kill 4
NOR" "What assassinsp exclaimed
he Frenchman. would that l vera
safely back in France" iii
- y
The teacher of a Sunday school
lass tried to impress upon her young
harges the necessity of prayer be-
ore meals. Billy she asked little
elbow whose father was an elder in
he church, "what does your father
ay before you eat your dinner?" Il
Iun know" "Well, what did he say
his morning before breakfast"
Billy meditated; suddenly he remem
ered and beamed.. "He said: "You
ids go slow on the butter now! It's
cents a pound"
A young man from way back In the
ills visited recruiting office for the
urpose of enlisting in the regular
rmy The examining physician
,und the young man as sound as
ollar, but he had fiat feet. "Im sor-
y" said the physician, "but I'll have
turn you down. You've got fiat
,et." The mountaineer looked sor-
'wful. mo way for me to git in it,
,en?" he inquired. 81 guess not.
18th those fiat feet of yours YOU
oudn't be able to march even five
lies" The youth from the noun
ins studied moment. Finally he
id: an tell you why l hate thls
earned bad You see, | walked
gh on to one hundred and fifteen
lies over the mountains to git here
ID gosh, how | hate to walk backw
A newly made justice of the peace
as gravely absorbed in formidable
cument. Raising his keen eyes he
id to the man who stood patiently
Waiting the award of justice: "Of-
err, what is this man charged with? ?"
'igotry, your honor. He's got three
YES" The new j. p. rested his ell
WIS on the desk and placed his fin
r tips together. Officer" he said,
mewhat sternly, "what is the use
all this education, all these even
|, schools, all the technical classes,
d what not? Please remember, in
Y future like case, that man who
) married three wives has not COM
tied bigotry, but trigonometry.
oceed."
Ask Anyone Who Has Used H.