Perth Amboy evening news., 1918-07-12

| ried man whose Idea of Cruel n I'm
usual punishments Is to have to spend
an evening at home with his wife.
Another thing we can't understand
of making q fool of himself when
there are so many girls who are INK
ioua to do the job.
When they are sitting In a darkened
room holding hands, and neither has
spoken a word o a half hour, he
wonders what she Is thinking about
and she wonders what he is thinking
about. And the truth of the matter is
that their thoughts are identical.
When a man is proud of his small
feet the betting is that 1t wouldn't
take more than fou bushel baskets TO
hold all the gray matter In his head.
The world owes every nan a living
And 1t is up to every man to take on
his coat. roll up his sleeves and col
lect IL.
Daughter Is as eager to try the new
wrinkles as Mother is to get rid 5f
them.
Some men ride around in automo-
biles and others have to walk for the
reason that some men would rather
use their feet than use their heads.
When a holiday like the Fourth OF
doesn't amount to much as far as you
are concerned. you are getting old.
/ partner. You are getting old.
Every now and then a bachelor gets
so respondent that he imagines that
he has as many troubles as a married
man..
We can't understand the mental
process of a Dry who drinks eight bot
ties of pop, four lemonades, three bot
ties OF h~oka-bola, an orange phos-
phate and an ice cream soda and then
brags that he Is glad he IL not so In
temperate as to drink a glass of beer.
Praise people occasionally whether
they deserve II or not nj you will
have some sincere m%Ourners when you
die.
A small man who wins all of his
rough-and- tumble fights tells us that
he is the victor because when the fight
starts he knows that the other fellow
is just as scared as he Is.
Many a man of IS can't understand
how 1t is that his unmarried twin sis
ter is only rs.
One good thing about the See-More
Skirts is that you can tell how much
of a girl is girl and how much of hor
is dry goods.
What has become of the old-fash-
Toned house that had a big brass
knocker In the middle of the front
door.
An ordinary man has only one way
to make money n about 649.0 600
ways to spend money. And then he
wonders why he is Door.
No engagement should last longer
than 80 days. II is cruelty to a girl
to compel her TO keep from eating
onions for h a month.
The poor Prohibltlonisss are also
having their troubles these days. Tho
forty-eight-per-cent alcohol patent
medicines nave gone UP In price.
Booze costs money these days. even
when IL wears a disguise.
This is a strange world in which
there Is more Joy over n Sunday
school superln .ndsat who spcs astruy
than thera Is ovsr ninety and nme
prochchmbers who reform
Some men always ok cheesy. II
their pants legs are not ISo long, their
coat sleeves are TOO sh3 -; and II tnexl
o a sleeves are NOT too Fkort, heiI
pants legs are too long.
Ohi
He won't drink water. Is ocr son
About to hP~e q real sick speIl7
No. Willie Ia the only one
Who knows the cat is in the wnu-
Luxe McLuka.
He won't drink whisky. Has our frie7e
REFORMED himself. We snioker.
Because we know the reason Is
He cannot get the lickeri
Walton tGa.) Tribune
And he refuses milk. Is he
EndeavorinE thus to do his bitf
No. he's the only one. you see
Who saw the fly fall into II.
Newark Advocate.
He won't drink lAgerf Has he lost
His ans with the hsatf
Not so, my friends: he knows the sud
Have eat their las retreat
Memphis Commercial Appeal