Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1918-10-16
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'CROWNIE' TO PAPA

I've can't make der Americans I'M
derstandt dot We is der greatest sol
diers on earth, so We hat to show
dem dot We is der best runners, any
how yet"
The foregoing is an extract from
letter not actually written by Crown
Prince Willie to his notorious pa
pa" but it represents a Yankee sol
dier's conception of what the infa-
nous German heir has on his mind,
and shows that the serious business
Of war has not robbed the boys over
seas of their sense of humor.
Here is Imaginary Letter.
copy of the imaginary letter,
written in haste from Somewhere in
France" has been sent to a st. Paul
friend of one of the Minnesota boys.
1t follows:
Dear Papa am writing on der
run, as l accompany mine brave,
homesick soldiers back to der Rhine
maybe to cross nit dem und enchoy
visit to der faderlandt.
der haas been some offel diddings
in dis locality und all because de fool
Americans dident know enough about
military tactics to be crushed like l
want dem ven | strated mine big Of
fensive. | sent mine men on der fight
in big waves, und ven dey reached
der American lines dey all shouted
Boo as loudt as dey could boiler.
Americans Didn't Run.
we'll, according to vat you half al
ways said it, der Americans should
half turned und run like hell, but
dey dident did it. Dey dident know
noting better den to run right into
our bayonets, und We had to turn de
guns de udder way to prevent de
teufel hunden from biting our boyo-
nets off for souvenirs, yet.
Swine!
"Dey ISIS der most reckless nit der
guns of anything, und dey hantled
dem so don't carefully dot We decided
chust to back up und let dem do all
de damage dey wanted to demselves.
Some of mine men diden, back quick
enough und preferred to go de odder
way chere der vas less danger of &C
cidents We can go back after dem
ven der var ISIS ofer already yet.
just Let EN- Have Marine.
''Vel We let dem hat de dirty old
Marine river, because dey vas no goot
fishing in it anyway after so much
shooting und noise all aroundt.
"Anodder reason We backed up vas
because of our mems objection to
close association nit such uncultur-
ed swine. Blasphemy means noting
to dem, und, papa, yum pig husky from
a place dey call Minnesota, he said
oh, papa, / hate to tell it vot he said,
hut he To IL
nit der kaiser!'
arOundt such hunden, so I chust
men. Vass / right, papa? Sure l
vass! You admit it.
"Now, papa, l hat a request to
make it. | wish you vouldt sent us
some breast plates for our backs.
Dose We hat been varing in front are
no good because der cowardly Amer
leans ISIS shooting us in der backs
If you dondt hat time to sent dem,
please hand dem to us When We pass
through Berlin yet. Maybe We will
pick you up dere So papa?
Have to Keep Running.
eff We vas common rabbits, papa
de Americans could not treat us NIT
any less respect. D6y run AFTER us
like a lot of school boys, und dondt
seem to know noting about military
strategy. So We chust keep running
to keep out of der way. Tink of dot,
papa. Such discipline! But vot can
you expect from a country dot neffer
had military trainings?
81 wish you vud order my army
moved back to Belgium, so We could
hat some excuse for being dere Wire
it qvick, papa, so it beats us to Brus-
sells. Den let dem bring up der vim
men und children, und We will show
dem who ISIS der greatest soldiers!
"Und While We can't make dem
Americans understand dot We ISIS der
greatest soldiers on earth, We sure
hat proved to dem dot We iss der
greatest rur ners, und We are getting
the best of dem nit easiness.
Nobody can keep up NIT mine men /
ven dose loyal fellows tink of der
dear old Rhine. Der faderlandt first |
for der German sons So, papa?
I'm glad you admit it, so let me know
right away vot to do by return post
office und wire it.
CROWN PRINCE WILLIE"