New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1918-02-10

"HAT evening, when the officers
mess Of the second battalion
IL of the Staffordshire Fusileers
learned that Captain II. B.
Wriggles, of the Intelligence Service,
detached for the moment TO Paris, had
tcen promoted to the grade of major,
the news was received with disgust.
The general opinion was that this ad-
vancement brought disgrace on the en-
! tire officers corps of the British army
Among the young lieutenants those
most moderate in the expression of
their opinion said that Wriggles was
a cad and "a regular nuisance" The
others, with greater frankness, de-
clared that, although Wriggles might
be able to win majority, he would
nevertheless remain perfect swine";
that is to say, in French, the most ac-
complshed Of pigs. Such is the free
dom Of language in the camps, even
among our allies, whose good education
and manners are prOverbial.
Major Hobson, on whom his rank i'm
posed more reserve, contented himself
with avowing that the promotion didn't
impress him very favorably. Then the
conversation took a more philosophic,
though still personal, turn.
"What in the world could the brute
have done to make him seem deserv-
ing of such recognition ?"
Such was the question raised-and
raised very naturally.
Then a little subaltern ventured to
suggest !Nat; ,,,
was the cause of it,"
All eyes turned on the poor Ward,
with look of disapproval, if not of
lncredulity. The lieutenant was Of too
good family and had been too we'll
brought up to think for an. instant of
committing the objectionable baseness
of lying TO his fellow officers But
there was no offence in keeping silent.
He tried 20 hold his peace, staring fix
cdly at his plate. Thereupon Major
Hobson said simply, in the tone Of one
gentleman addressing another gentle
man:
"Mr. Ward"
And Lieutenant Ward knew that there
was nothing left for him to do but to
speak.
at is true" he said, chat I had
something to do with this affair. But
should like to know what any one of
you would have done in my place. The
thing would have happened, just the
same, to anybody else: | was there:
That was all. l merely had the bad
luck to be there.
II had gone to Paris to spend my last
leave. You understand that I should
have preferred to go to England. But
you know the difficulties which they
make nowadays about letting you take
passage on any boat. That explains
Why, the first evening I was in Paris,
) l bought a ticket 10 'Funicula.'"
"Of course" cried the assemblage,
with one voice. "Cut out the explana-
tons. When one goes to Paris he goes
} to 'Funicula.' But after that?"
"After that l met an officer of my
rank by the name of Herbert Collins,
of the Sd Lncolnshires. A very. good
looking fellow, very smart, whom
had never seen before and whom /
didn't know from Adam or Eve, as the
French say. There are a hundred
thousand Englishmen named Collins.
But this one was very smart, as I was
telling you; very high class, evidently;
he had been at Rugby and then at
Cambridge, IS I could tell at once from
Oxford, where the slang is not the
same. 1t was he who made that re-
mark, and it was only after | had told
him my schools that he used those
Characteristic slang phrases. I re
membered it afterward.
"The Sd Lincolnshires are in Elan
ders, not in Picardy. But he knew the
names of some of us-those who be
Icing to the best families. Afterward
we talked Of enc thing and another, of
girls, and little shop. Army gossip
that came naturally into the conversa-
ton, especially personal gossip SO
and so is there; so and so has been
transferred. You can see how it was"
II see," said Major Hobson, still very
severely.
"And thNn we took cocktail at the
"And then he met Wriggles," sang
out the whole table. "He never casts
loose from the bar-Wriggles doesn't.
You poor Innocent"
"The fact is | didn't know about
that" Ward admitted.
"And Wriggles had his skin full of
whlskey at 6 o'clock" the table con-
tinued. But he kept at it because
he never can get enough. And Wriggles
was disagreeable."
"Hc was disagreeable," Ward &C
knowledged but first of all he was
rambunctiously, dead drunk polite. lie
treated US to cocktails. Then we felt
obliged to treat him. And finally. hav-
ing done what poiteness seemed to re
quire. we tried to break away. because
his conversation is not at all pleasant;
and hate to compromise myself by as
: sociating with people who are not gen
tlemen, particularly when they wear
the uniform"
"And then" interrupted some one
! initiating Wriggles's hiccough, "he
said 'Hic! Hic. Hic! ri teach you