Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1918-09-04

Has Cynthia Hay Fever?
Dear Socrdtes--I am young girl ,cith
bro,cn eves and phlegmatic disposition.
Lately I hare telt rery trascible. think
I hare hay terer. but am not sure You
are al'rays so polite, ,con't you tell me ho,o
to be certainr CYNTHIA.
My Dear Cynthia--I am very glad to
hear from you again. The last time you
wrote it was to inquire What Is a Boob?"
and I have often wondered uneasly just
how you intended to use the information
/ sent you.
About hay fever: The mere fact that
you can sit down and write such friendly
and nice little note makes me doubt
whether you have it, For the real hay
fever units a human being for anything
except homicide and umbrella stealing.
If you had hay fever you would be walk
ing down the street yearning for some one
to look harshly at you, so that you would
have a colorado excuse for shifting him
or her with a crowbar
The only possible excuse or explanation
for the antics of the Kaiser during the
last four years is that he may have hay
fever.
Hay fever is bad case of bolshevism in
the membranes of the nose. When your
nose acts like an I. w. w. and attempts
to terrorze the rest of your system by
frequent explosions, outrages and sabot
age, then the diagnosis is plain. An emf
nent scientist has described the symptoms
of hay fever making the sufferer feel
as though his head were pumpkin loaded
| with dynamite. This is true, though there
| is also the sensation that ones head Is
| phonograph playing an endless record of
marimba music plus chimes of Normandy.
The origin of hay fever is doubtful.
| Some say that it was retribution for
the first practical joke, which took place
| las is well known on the ark. Noah's
wife and her three daughters-in-law were
| fed up with the continual weather fore
! casting done by Noah and his sons, who
| kept on saying that they were sure it
would be a fine day tomorrow. So the
| ladies' retired to their private sitting room
| and were solacng themselves with little
game of bridge and some remarks on the
manners and habits of those ladies' who
had not taken passage on the ark. But
Noah and his sons thought to amuse
ladies one of the two mice on board. They
! did so, but as a result they were punished
by hay fever. which seems an excessive
trbulation for so slight a breach Of con-
| duct.
Those who suffer from hay fever are
wont to console themselves with the
thought that it is only people of powerful
intellect who are subject to this disease;
but this is only asserted by the sufferers
themselves and must therefore be dis
counted.
Seneca, the famous Roman philosopher
| of the first century, suffered from hay
fever and as l suspect that you are a bit
| of a highbrow, my dear Cynthia, l shall
quote to you what Seneca says of 1t In
one of his letters. Omnid corpOris dut
tncom modd dut periculd per me trdnsie.
runt; nullum mihi rtdetur molestius. And
this Is translated by DR.. Richard Gum
mere the headmaster of the Penn Charter
School, as follows: / haze passed through
all the ills and dangers of the flesh, but
nothing seems to me more troublesome than
this But old Seneca, who was a kind of
Pollyanna and Dr. Frank Crane rolled
into one, continues by saying that even
| III tne sunoSdtioH VI 'ic uisedst he COH-
tinues to cheer himself with brave ana
glad thoughts. However, he committed
suicide in the year A. ID. 65.
1t is to be hoped, Cynthia, that if YOU
really have hay fever you will not weakly
succumb, like Seneca, to a detestable cheer.
fulness There is no cure for the aiment
1t is only slightly assuaged by the violent
death Of personal enemies and by gocd
news from the western front. This is the
one time of the year when any atrocities
you may commit will be understa ndingly
cohdoned by your acquaintances.
In conclusion. my dear Cynthia, II you
really have hay fever you are to be con-
graduated. You enter upon a fraternity
which is bound together by a community
of suffering unknown, TO the laymen
When you see a piteSus figure CROPPING
along Chestnut street, pockets bulgins
with handkerchiefs and eyes bulging witt
tears, with a vermilion nose and a phia
of medicated cotton for smiling, rush ut
to him and embrace him. All sorrow will
be forgotten in the joy of the meeting. Fol-
I even hay fever has it's compensations. Sol
diers who have fought side by side on som,
. stricken field know no holier fellowship
one t<sch OF pollen makes the whole worl;
4 4 "A 40 g 3 81, II. 4, s4 Z. & " 4. W Y .a