davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening capital and Maryland gazette. (Annapolis, Md.) 1910-1922, 1918-02-04
FORGOT HIS CROUCH
Uniform Caused Transformation
in SurIy Boss.
Simple Story OF Harold the Office Boy,
Who Became a Man When He
Donned the Khaki Of His
Uncle Sam.

In the first place.
The boss.
Is a short man.
With an awful crouch.
And in the second place.
Harold Burns.
Who was our Office boy.
Was a tan boy.
And he always smiled.
And just a week.
From the very day.
That he got the job.
His voice.
Started to change.
And the boss would call l1im
And he'd say.
s'Yes. slr.''
In high soprano.
And "Fm coming"
In a deep eonualto.
And 'I'ight away, sir"
In tenor.
And Here it Is, SIR"
In q bass.
And the first time he did Il.
The boss.
Had an idea.
He was being kidded.
And said
"fSg5-& '&-g6&t+S%
And Harold said.
mo, sir.
Il can't help 1t.
My voice is changing"
And anyway.
Always after that.
The boss hated him.
And then one day.
A band went by.
With "Oyer There"
In blare Of brass.
And we all looked out.
And marching troops.
On the street below.
Filled ali Of our hearts.
With whatever it is.
That "Over There
And marching troops.
Put into our hearts.
And filed our eyes.
And we all went back.
To our work-a-day desks.
= y
And the next day came.
And Harold came.
And whispered to me.
He was going to quit.
And called the boss.
"a great big stiff"
And / went in.
And told the boss.
That we'd have to find.
Another boy.
And told him why.
And all he said.
Was: Go get one.
with n voice that's set"
.
In less than a week.
Our Harold Burns.
Came back again.
With a uniform.
And q permanent voice.
And a aight in his eyes.
And his shoulders squared.
And he'd just come in.
To say goodbye.
And was saying it.
When the boss came in.
And little while later.
The boss buzzer.
Buzzed its buzz.
And I went In.
And he wanted to know.
If the boy outside.
Was our old Office boy.
And said he was.
And he asked me then.
To send him in.
And that day noon.
One Harold Burns.
An Office boy
One week before.
And his erstwhile boss
4 short, stout man.
With an awful crouch.
Ate lunch together.
And then shook hands.
And said goodbye.
.
And here in the Office.
The boss and his crouch.
Live on.
And thrive.
And make life fSe5-S.
For the new office boy.
TX. C. 3. in the New Puck.
Evening capital and Maryland gazette. (Annapolis, Md.) 1910-1922, 1918-02-04
Sore Throat Prudence

Your medicine shelf is not well stocked
without bottle Of TONSILINE, for You
don know what nsonent it may be needed
70 relieve q sudden case Of Sore Throat
relieving Sore Throat is TONSII INES
specias mission. 1t is made for that-ad-
yertised for that-sold for that one purpose.
IONSiLiNE is the National Sore Throat
Kennedy. IL is sold In every State In the
UnioL. You viii need TONSHINE ~.
one OF these days, or some night es1
when the drug store is closed
better have a bottle ready at home
When You need it most. Csc. and
Soc. Hospital Size, Sl.00. Your
druggist sells TONSILINE. "A
Evening capital and Maryland gazette. (Annapolis, Md.) 1910-1922, 1918-02-04

...r.s reg5. go G1. II.g5 4. 4. 100.
fH ao5. $50 ai.G5. 40, heSs,
af aUs ILl5. r. H. 1900 4. "a.
Sunday
..rrt 01e1t0n with z Z. y, eno
re.lr Tal den With the B.&C.h.A
Dssl-ou With z. r. Il.
sar To- Baltimore.
Evening capital and Maryland gazette. (Annapolis, Md.) 1910-1922, 1918-02-04

ADVERTISE N THR eaPsTaF
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1918-09-01
Yaphank Bonnie Gets Near Front Line,
But Finds He Has to Dig More Trenches

Steve said. well give us your great
SCENE"
swat here until / come back" i said.
81 am thru being made a sucker out Of"
So they worked on diggin while hur
ried back to the billet and went up to our
ammunition carts and found a box of hand
grenades and borrowed them and took
them all out there to the field. Well when
they seen me coming with that box they
all give me the raz but in about ten sec
onds when pried open the lid Of that
box and they seen all of them fine little
hand grenades they said "Fine SCENE,
Bennie. Fine sceme."
Then 1 started taking off the tops of
the hand grenades and knocking down the
pins and then I would toss them over
where We was diggin the trensh and of
corse they would tare hellsfire out of all
that rock and hard earth. 1t had diggin
by hand beat about 400 ways.
But along about the tenth grenade that
efficur come running out across the field
sore as a wet Frensh hen.
What do you mean by stealing them
hand grenades," he hollered at me. "That
is a series offense. You are liable to get
two years in Levingworth. Just for this
you can dig this trensh all by yourself"
Then he ordered all them other lazy
buns back TO there bilets and left me all
alone out there digging that trensh in that
hard rock.
Merry that widow and her four year
old son, or jump in the Atlantick or any
thing else just so you don't join the army
Barney I would just as soon be hung
for goat as lamb anyday, Barnie.
BENNIE.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1918-09-01
Continued from Preceding Page

to eulist in this draft army under falce
pretenses. They said they wanted soldiers
to come over here and fight for America,
ETC., ETC., but what they really wanted
was nothing but ditch diggers. l don't
mind fighting and getting shot for Amer
lea or the world or to give All Sase Lo-
rane back to Franse or anything else, but
l am all aginst this business of killing
myself by diggin bitches all the time.
As 1 wrote you yesterday Barney !
was ordered to go out and dig some
practise transhes. Well they didn't say
nothing about how they wanted them
dug or didn't give no instructions except
how long they wanted them and how deep
and etc, etc.
Well my squad went out there to a
big field outside of our billet and we
started digging away in the hot son and
in about two minutes you felt like you
was going to have a son stroke and your
hands got all covered with blisters and
YOU thought you would faint right in the
trenshes that you was diggin' and it
would be just like diggln your own grave.
And it was almost strait rock and as hard
as a Germins dome.
"Say fellos we are bunch of suckers
to work like this" l said when the officur
who had took us out had gone back
where he could find nice shady spot to
lay down in. Here we are working our
hearts out and our hands off when We
don't need to at all. Don't be sucker all
your life. I got great SCENE"
Eyes, you always got great SCENE, >
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1918-09-01

nurses OF the hospital to which the ap-
plicant is assigned. In great majority
of cases it is expected that the services Of
the applicant will be retained.
Hospital assistants will be provided
with board, lodging and laundry. They
will be expected to provide themselves
with the nursing uniform for the proba-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920, 1918-09-01

means she will be ordered to report for
duty at a place designated. The proba-
tionary period does not exceed two months
and by the end of that time decision will
be reached as to the propriety of retain
ing her services. The dean of the Army
School of Nursing makes the decision
upon the recommendation of the chief
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
MANY SUCKERS IN NEW YORK
Glib Tongue About All That 10 Needed
to Get the Money In Eastern
Metropolis.

Gullible and curious are the two
chief characteristics Of the smart guy.
and there Is no one who knows this
better than the street fakir. One Of
those sharp-witted fakirs with gift
Of CAB made cleanup IN the financial
district the other day. remarks the
New York Tribune. He went down
there just as the deckhands Of the big
corporations were pouring out Of the
skyscrapers for bite to eat. He had
grip full of little black boxes that
looked like cameras.
Here yer are" he shouted. "for two
nickels or one dime. The cutest little
thing you can Imagine. Stand on the
sidewalk, fix this little box at the right
angle, and you'll be able to look into
second-story window and see what's
going on without the slightest incon-
venience.
"In the old way, when you wanted
to peep through keyhole you went
down on your launches. at some per-
sonal Inconvenience. Besides. there
was always the danger of being shot
In the eye with hntpin or knitting
needle. Buy one of the cute little toys
and you can stand on both feet, and,
without. endangering life or limb. you
,an see all that's going on in the room"
Nearly every one who stopped fished
out dime and bought one. Then
cop came along, the fakir slipped away
and the crowd melted. Everybody who
bought the little camera" tried to
work 1t 40 different ways. and then
discovered that they had been stung.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
How Rome Encouraged Birth Rate.

To encourage the birth rate the Ro-
mans made use of the age-long fight
Of women with property for the power
to control 1t. This power that 1t took
the women of England and America
living under the English common law
$500 years longer to achieve was
granted by Numa Pompilius, in 715 B.
c., to women who were mothers of
three children, who were privileged to
have free administration of their own
affairs without guardian or tutor" To
the women who had inherited large
fortunes this must have been an ex-
ceedingly effective inducement to the
rearing Of large families, and an ex-
cellent cOunteraction to the various in
fluences In Roman life which would
tend to keep the birth rate down. This
is probably one of the few isolated ex-
amples where militaristic ideals work
ed for the benefit Of women.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21

Motive Power Of One Of the Civil War
Railroads Was Primitive In
the Extreme.

The history Of railway operation In
this country offers many curious and
interesting details. Among them none
are stranger than those that concern
the Memphis, Ell Paso & Pacific rail-
road. a 40-mile line operated between
Marshall, Tex, and Shreveport, La,
during the Civil war.
The owner was John Higginson. He
had many titles: chairman of the
board, president, vice president, su-
perlntendent, trainmaster, roadmaster.
freight and passenger agent, fireman.
conductor and master mechanic. The
motive power was of the best in those
days, and consisted Of several yoke of
oxen, commonly known as "hay-burn-
ers." The oxen were, 1t is said, gen.
orally on time.
Mr.. Higginson ran his train on tri-
weekly schedule. When he had gath
cred up "cargo" and everything was
ready for the trip he loaded the oxen
into the first box car In the train. In
the next car he had put the freight and
the passengers. and in the third he
himself rode. The cars started down
the steep grade out of Marshall and,
after they had rolled as far as they
would Mr.. Higginson set the brakes
and proceeded to unload the oxen and
hitch them to the coupling of the car.
Then he released the brakes and start
I'd the train up the grade. AT the top
the oxen were again loaded Into their
cur and another start was made down.
hill. BY repeating this operation sew
eral times Mr.. Higginson and his train
would finally reach Shreveport.
The passenger rate was 20 cents
person, Freight charges were any
thing the owner Of the line could get.
Since there was no competition, Mr..
Higginson made money. All freight
was marked "red ball" and handled
as soon as received.
This, however, was not the hrst
"hay.burnlng" railway In the United
States. Most OF the early lines made
use Of animals. The Baltimore 4 Ohio
ut one time employed horses to haul
freight and passenger trains over the
first Is miles Of track constructed
Youths Companion.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
INVALIDs HAVE DONE MUCH
Comfort for sufferers In Stories OF
Careers Of Noted Authors and
Scientists.

Those who are afflicted with ill-health
may derive some comfort from the
statement, quoted In a recent book on
Suffering and the War" that "Colc-
ridge claimed that the greatest works
of the nineteen centuries were all
written by men Of feeble health-Spln-
oZa's Ethics BacOn's .'Novum Or
ganum,' and Kant's 'Critique Of Pure
Reason" As another instance of the
triumph Of the spirit, Sir Isaac New
ton, 1t Is stated, according to London
Tit-Bits, was most unpromislng child,
with frail body and poor eyesight.
"He showed no aptitude for study, and
was first melted by the desire to get
ahead of a boy who kicked him."
Another great writer who accom-
plished much despite the handicap of
poor health was Herbert Spencer. Like
Newton. as boy he was backward in
his studies. A new life of Spencer by
Hugh Elliot says. HE was very back
ward as boy in the ordinary subjects
of children's lessons. Morally,
he was extremely disObedient and con-
temptuous Of authority" At thirteen
"he found the discipline (of his schooD
more severe than he cared about, and
ran away home to Derby again, walk
ing 48 miles the first day." Yet as Il
man, without money, without special
education. without health. he produced
18 large volumes of philosophy and
science Of many diverse kinds, pub.
lished a variety of mechanical inven-
tions, and on endless other subjects,
great and small. be set forth profu-
sion Of new and original ideas"
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Superstition Concerning Moon.

That the moon can make people
mad Is still a prevalent belief, and
even most Of those who pride Them
selves on being free from all supersti-
ton would hesitate to lie where the
moon can shine upon them while they
sleep. For would they not run the
risk Of being "moon struck" Does
not Othello In the agony Of his soul
exclaim:
"Tis the very error Of the moon.
She comes more near the earth than she
was wont,
And makes men mad.
Science ridicules all Of this today,
pointing out that the moon can send us
nothing but her light, which is only
feeble reflection Of that of the sun, and
the attraction Of her gravity. which
seems to affect the rise and fall Of the
tides.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
VICTIM OF HIS OWN JOKE
Senator Had Not Intended Jocose Re-
mark to Be Taken ~ Seriously
a. Il Was.

An official Of the house OF repre-
sentatiyes met a distinguished United
States senator In the halls of the cap
itol. They were old friends, and both
were born In Kentucky. 1t was at Il
time when there was not much stirring
about the big building, and the two sat
down to talk. The conversation turned
on what the doctors Of America were
doing, and discussion of specialists.
The official suggested that he had
relative who was a distinguished allen
list.
"There would seem to be good field
for work along his line right here in
the CAPITOL" remarked the senator. Il
know some members Of the house and
senate whom he might examine"
"Well, I expect him In Washington
very shortly" returned the official. In
all innocence, "and want him to meet
you"
It was not until several seconds later
when the senator laughed that the Of
fcial realized that an explanation was
In order.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Patch Up Telephone Poles.

The ever-increasing cost Of lumber
has led to the use Of many devices to
save wood. One Of the most ingenious
Is the method to save telephone poles,
which rot at the base just above and
below the surface of the ground. The
upper portion remains sound for a
longer time than the base. A short
pole. creosoted so as to Withstand de-
cay. Is placed In the ground beside the
old pole and firmly fastened to 1t. This
adds several years to the length of
time the pole will serve. The arrange
ment also serves as a protection to
pedestrians; for since the part buried
rots long before the upper part. the
fall might occur most unexpectedly
Popular Science Monthly.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
New Type Of Airplane.

A new type of airplane has been
planned and constructed by an officer
in the Swedish army, Lieutenant Won
Porat. 1t differs from ordinary types
In that it is made entirely of steel
and woven fabrics, with the exception
of the propeller, which Is Of wood.
and in the arrangement of the wings
The lower plane of the machine
which Is o scout byplane with some
resemblance to the FOkker type-lies
for three-quarters of its width back
OF the upper plane, instead of being
directly under it, as in most machines.
The especial advantage claimed for
the new airplane lies in its climbing
ability, which is declared to be 5000
feet in four to five minutes. Its speed
is 100 miles an hour. The motor is of
100 horse power.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Exact Copy Of Wrapper.
ANOTHER ONE.

It's no use trying 90 get away frun
them. There lives not Il achooiteachfi
with soul so dead ;hnt the first day
of school does not stir it with Il neW
anecdOte that aches to be printed. We
select this one troni Ihe crowd that
clamors for recognition.
"What is your namef' asked the
teacher of Il frst-GI2,dc nuoil ut Il
city school She was taking iii" names
Of all the children for her record. And
this child was coy and playful.
"Guess!" he challenged. at begins
with u"
ULYSSES" guessed the teacher--she
could humor him Oh The lrst day.
"NOpe" he shouted, gleefully.
"GueSS again"
"Ulrich? Ugolin1? No? Then |
give it up--what is your name"
"Eugene!" cried the child, triumph
antly.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Sewino Machines In Arabia.

The sale of sewing machines IN
Arabia has increased since the war
begun, owing in part to the demand
Of Red Cross organizations. A recent
shipment of 600 American machines,
according to correspondent, will bs
disposed of as follows: One hundred
In Alden, 200 in Abyssinia. 100 in Red
Sea ports and 200 In the Persian Gulf
district. There Is also an increased
demand on the part of the natives.
Germany formerly supplied the terri.
tory with cheap machines. but the
stocks of these are low, and American
products now lead. Foot-power sew
ing machines are in growing prefer
ence over the hand-operated type, but
electrically-driven machines cannot be
sold, as there Is no general electric
service plant In Alden. Dust and rust
are difficulties experienced In the use
Of the machines In the Arabian eli.
mate.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Wise Fish.

Scientists have discovered how fish
can find their way to fresh water,
Their studies of the resistance of salt
water fishes to the decayed and de,
composed things, has led to an explain
alton of their habits.
1t appears that herrings can sense
differences in heat and cold as small
as q quarter Of degree or less. They
appreciate the fact that only trace
of an acid or alkali Is present In wa
ter. So sensitive are herring said to
be to acids and alkalis that the SCI
entlsts propose that these and other
fish be used to detect the chemicals
instead of the litmus paper, which
chemists use, and in the same manner
that canary birds are used to discover
traces of poison coal gas in mines and
elsewhere.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Alcohol for Fuel.

A committee Of Australian scientists
is Investigating the possibilities Of
commercial alcohol In place Of gaso-
line as fuel for internal combus-
tion engines, notes a correspondent.
They find that an engine can easily
be run on alcohol and that its thermal
efficiency, when so run. Is somewhat
higher than with gasoline fuel. How
ever, they also find that alcohol must
be far cheaper by the pound than gaso-
line, and somewhat cheaper by the
quart, If 1t is to be as economical q
fuel in terms of dollars and cents.
Moreover, an engine will not start
from q cold condition on alcohol.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Lantern on Broadway,

The dimming Of the white lights In
New York has brought the jokers to
the fore. Recently after the current
had been turned off man walked up
the big street with lighted lantern.
He wended his way across Broadway,
and after swinging the lantern about
his head much after the fashion Of
trainmen signaling, he continued up
the street. He had sown seeds that
began to sprout in many directions and
a few minutes later rival humorists
appeared with lanterns, electric fash
lights, and one optimist tried to keep
q candle going as he walked down to-
ward Times Square
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Not Extravapant.

An English, Irish, and Scottish. sol.
der were returning to camp after, a
stroll. They were footsore and tired.
and a kindly farmer on his way home
from market gave them a lift on the
road.
The soldiers were very. grateful and
wished to reward the fsrmer for, his
kindness.
Said the Engllshman: Let's stand
him q drink"
Sure said Pat. that is agin the
law. Let's give him some baccy"
"Hoot, ma laddies!" interjected the
Scot Don't be extravagant. Let's
shake hands with the mon and wish
him good nicht."
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Wanted Officers to Learn Dancing.

That the great Lord Nelson urged
his midshipmen to learn dancing has
been discovered through the publica-
tion Of q letter written by the hero
Of Trafalgar to the earl Of Cork. Cap
tain Nelson as he then was wrote: ut
It necessary that your son should be
made complete In his navigation, and
II the peace continues, French Is abso-
lutely necessary. Dancing Is an ac-
complishment that probably a sea Of
fcer may require. You will see almost
the necessity Of It, when employed In
foreign countries; indeed. the honor OF
the nation Is so often entrusted to sea
officers that there Is no accomplish.
ment which will not shine with Pc
culiar luster In them"
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Early intoxicating Liquors.

Pliny says: 1.-THE natives who IN
habit the west Of Europe have liquid
with which they intoxicate themselves,
made from corn and water. The man.
ner Of making this liquid differs. In
Gaul and Spain and other countries 1t
is called by different names, but Its
nature and properties are everywhere
the same.
''The people of Spain in particular
brew this liquid 80 well that 1t will
keep a long time, So exquisite is the
cunning Of mankind In gratifying their
vicious appetites that they have thus
invented method to make water itself
produce intoxication."
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Human Paculiarlfx

1t Is interesting to read In the Jour-
nal of Heredity: "The remarkable
grasping power of newborn infant
Is cited as the survival of a trait that
possessed life-anddeath Importance In
the treetops. Finally with reference
to the much-talked-about upright posi-
tion the author remarks succinctly
that the human child sits up before
1t stands; the human stock sat up be-
fore 1t stood"
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Volcano Hottest on Surface

1t appears that volcano Is hottest
on Its surface. This is the conclusion
drawn by scientist who has made In
vestigatiOns In Hawaii and has OBJ
tained samples of gases and lava be-
fore they reached the air. Laboratory
studies of these samples make 1t ap-
pear that much of the heat required
to keep an open lava basin In fluid con-
dition Is supplied by the chemical ac-
tion Of the gases.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
CoIlective Noun.

"Ma says that the paper says that
the lodge gave you vote of thanks,
What is a vote Of thanks, dadT "A
vote of thanks is an expression of
gratitude as a body that is In no way
binding on the individual"
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Classified From the Start.

Frank was the youngest of fam
lily consisting of three boys, and was
immensely excited over the arrival of
Il baby sister. He ran over to a neigh
boris home to tell her the glad news
and said: "Say, whit do you think?
We've got new baby at our house,
and it's a lady!"
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Made a Hot Speech,

Counsel-lou say he was playing
golf at the time. What particular
stage of the game had he reached?
Was he addressing the ball?
WitneSs-Well, sir. | don't know the
technicalties of the game, but it was
evident from his remarks that he
wasn't addressing Sunday school :
London Tit-Bits.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Seward Named Alaska.

The name ALASKA" was first ap-
piled by w. Fl. Seward Prior to 1867
II was known as Russian America
The word Is said to be corruption of
the Aleut. word, "alak shak." or "al-ay
ek-sa," meaning a great country.
Catoctin clarion., 1918-02-21
Seems to Uphold . WINS Theory.

A baby's feet shows the unmistak-
able descent Of man from a primitive
creature living In trees. Its feet are
turned Inward. the holes being pressed
together in state of rest exactly as
tree-dwelling anthropolds place them
when resting. The newborn infant
has legs shorter In proportion to its
body length than has an adult man,
exactly as the monkey has legs short
er than man.