Omaha daily bee., 1918-09-02
SMILING LINES.

But as be never said he would marry
you. where does the breach Of promise
come int"
when proposed to him." said the leap.
year maid. "he promised to be brother
to me. and he hasn't been anything Of the
kind."-Chicago Post.
Every man likes. to hear the sound Of
his own voice."
THAT fact" remarked Senator Sorghum
'fs what makes base ball a beneficial insti
tuition. A man can vociferate all he likes
without In the slightest degree committing
himself TO any political opinion. Washing.
ton Star.
Husband-when my ship comes In vel
have an automobile.
wife--It's so long overdue Pm afraid II
has encountered q U-boat!-Judge.
Nell-You are not going out? why. it IL
too hot to stir. Aren't you afraid you will be
overcome?
Belief am little apprehensive, but I've
vimply got to go to sale Of summer turs--
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Bolshevik soldier--why do you awake nj
to bring me this uniform?
Orderly-It Is your turn to be the general
today, sire.-Life.
conscientious objector-shooting at those
targets makes me realize how awful wal
will be- I'd die before I'd kill man.
Officer (who has watched him shoot
You certainly would.-Sun Dial.
what is your idea of good salesman
"A bald headed barber who can sell hall
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Yes. sir. He's high-bred animal"
"And what Is a dachshund?"
"Its low-down German dog. ."-Yonk'
ers Statesman.
Daughter-'Pa. our domestic science pro,
fessor Is teaching US how to spend money
Dad Unterrupting) Next he'll be teach
ing ducks how to swim. Boston Tran.
script.
"rm tired Of canned beef" complained
the summer boarder. Some fish wouldn't
go bad"
"That's easily fixed" responded tins
genial farmer. ''Ezry. open can Of
sardines. Chicago Post
Angry Woman-My husband attempted te
strike me. I want to have him arrested.
Police Captain-All right Where will
we find him?"
Angry Woman-In the emergency hos
pital.-Chicago News.
A divorce scandal was being discussed ID
the presence of English Ambassador Read
ing.
"Poor Smith," banker sighed. '"To fall
at the age Of SO! He'd climbed to the very
top of the moral ladder, too. In fact, he
was a Sunday school superintendent. How
strange that at 50 Smith should fall from
the ladders top!'
but wasn't there q woman at the bot
tom of it?" asked Reading.-Detroit Free
Press.
IT thought you said she was an original
thinker"
"She Is"
"she is not asked for her opinion Of tn,
war"
''what did she say?"
what everybody else says: Isn't It ter.
rible ?"--Detroit Free Press.
Here's a letter from Sam at the front,
and he says there isn't much difference be.
tween being mule driver and gun hrer,"
why not?"
''He says both kick him."-Baltimors
American
McJones--This morning found a s. bill
In my last summers suit
McSmith--Is that so? ! thought you
we're married.-The Peoples Home Journal.
"The summer waists are very thin"
yep.
II don't think the girls can get 'em any
thinner"
.Don't arouse 'em, now."-Louisville Cour-
ier-J Journal.
"a chorus girl doesn't get a large salary"
"Say on"
But she derives great comfort from the
romantic stage name she picks out for her.
self."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
st am 80 obsessed with my love for you"
wrote the sweet young thing to her soldier
that I cannot eat bite
saThat is the kind of grille for me-" said
the rookie; with the price of eats havin'
blue sky limit. could just about support a
wife who didn't eat."-Florida Times Union