davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
LIKE M,LUKE SAYS

We don't know why it is that when chicken gets out she simply cant help acting like a goose.
 We never could understand why man who is soused devotes so much time to telling how sober he is
 Our idea of a henpecked man is one whose wife washes his ears for him be- fore she lets him go out.
 Women's clothes are going up. But you wouldn't believe it when you see some of the bare breasts on the street
 A failure is often that way because he is long-winded and short sighted
 You can cuss some slow workers and get away with it. But if you cuss a plumber he will charge it up to you in his bill.
 Any high school can dig up a valedic- torian for the class of 1858. But it is a hard matter to dig up whsning pitcher for the 1918 ball team.
 You may have noticed that tse fellow who is on top in a d-tumSle fight never hollers for arbitration. If women knew that after they get through bawling they look like an old maid getting up in the morning they wouldn't bawl so often. One sure way to make an enemy is to stop busy man on the street and but tonhole him until you tell him how smart your baby is. We respect a man who believes in temperance But nearly all of the prohibitionists we know believe in re- form for revenue only. One kind of woman can wear fine clothes and look classy And another kind of woman looks like 10-cent dog with slO0,o0o collar when she gets dolled up.
 When a man goes to church he is smart enough to realize that 5-cent piece | makes more noise than a $50 bill when it | is dropped into a collection plate. What has become of the old-fashoned girl who used to blush when man spoke | to her?
 | Every rose has it's thorn. And when summer comes the girls think it is up to
 them to display their liver-colored el- bows.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT VISIT TO
 WASHINGTON AND WHAT HE HEARD THERE

clearly showed their disgust with the continual personal wrangle between these two oratorica1 genii. Both of them are of the spread-eagle declam- atory type. Heflin accused Mason of more or less disloyalty. Considering the fact that Mason's oldest son is fighting in the front line trenches in Flanders with the enthusiastic aa- proval of his father, Heflin has found it a rather difficult job to prove his opponents guilt.
 Tom Heflin wants to run for the Senate against Bankhead. Tom has made a rattling good representative in the House. He has been the earn est. enthusiastic friend of the cotton planters and his district will doubtless desire to keep him in the House. He had best be content to remain there for the present.
 Senator Bankhead. who is over sew enty years of age, has served this state for more than twenty-five years in either one of the two houses of Con- gress He has been faithful and has his state than any other man in Con- gress He has gotten for Alabama a slice of almost every governmental ap- propriation. The government has spent millions on internal improvements in this state. Almost every little town has a government building and nearly twenty million dollars has been ob- tained for it's waterways by this in- veterate worker.
 We all owe it to the old man to treat him as we did Morgan and Pet tus. Let him spend the balance of his days in the United States Senate.
 Speaking of Alabamians in Washing ton, w. P. G. Harding stands A. Be- sides being governor of the federal re- serve board, he has recently been made managing director of the Government War Finance corporations In this po- sition he becomes even more powerful, in the financial world of America than is the governor of the Bank of England
 understand that when Secretary McAdoo approached him on the subject
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Be,t ExemDtion TnIe.

'I' have heard many stories about our negro selectmen, and about the man ner in which they discuss selective draft, exemption and the various forms of army service, but the best one 1 have stumbled across yet was given me first handed the other day by a young negro who is in the draft" said Commissioner of Public Utilities J. FL lis Brown.
 q was on the Twenty second floor of the Jefferson County Bank building where the offices of the local boards are located and while standing in the hallway waiting for an elevator this negro man in question approached me and inquired: Boss would you please sir be so kind as to show me where de 'scuse room is
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

for this new position. but the govern ment could not afford to lose his serv- ices as the governor of the federal re- serve board.
 Harding promptly replied; MT Sec retary, you are filling many prominent positions. Why should I not fill two?" "Goodr' responded MT. McAdoo, and upon the recommendation of the Secre- tary the President promptly appointed Harding.
 As we all know, MT. Harding is an inveterate worker. a great financier and has the complete confidence of the f. nancial world as well as the President. and of the Secretary of the Treasury. He holds two s12.oOO year positions, put can only draw the salary from one.
 # # #
 Secretary of the Navy Daniels tells me that he has conferred he name Of Ingram upon the latest superdestroyer being builded by the navy in honor of young Ingram of Birmingham or Pratt City, who lost his life when the Jacob Jones was torpedoed. This is the first instance in American history where a naval vessel has been named for one other than a high officer who bad achieved distinction. Indeed it is splendid tribute to the gallant young man who sacrificed his life in an act of heroism for his country.
 And, by the way, Josephus Daniels has made wonderfully good in his post tion as Secretary of the Navy. He bel gan early asking for enormous appro- priations for the navy. As consequence the navy was fully prepared when war Z was declared; and it's personnel was in < perfect shape. Instead of the criti- cism of several years ago, he is now the idol of every man in the United States navy.
 # #
 I noted while in Washington that Col. George IIuddleston still represents the Birmingham district in the House of Representatives He is said to have se- cured the release of more young men from army service than any other man in Congress.
 7,en n53,pele>
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

It is a big question which is troubling many communities and it is pregnant with possibilities of doing away with much that has been heretofore treasured in our American life. It is more than a religious problem, for it laso has an eco- homie and social side It opens up a wide avenue of change, and no one can see the end.
 The thing I dread is that some will rec in it only a religious issue, and regard it as the church invoking the state to come % it's rescue, forgetting that in America the church is not the state Nor is she an earthly organization set ever against tke state. She is a private and spiritual association of certain citizens for particular end, and has no right to any recognition by or privilege from the state other than belongs in natural justice to private associations of citi- zens.
 movies outrage their sense of religious decency, while some church memters not only view them with complacency. but take pleasure in attending them. These are facts and must be faced l believe it to be true that if the Sunday shows are permitted to be kept open it will be because a number of church members will cast their votes in favor of a "Con.inental Sabbath"
 I have been pained by the cleavage be- tween Christians on the subject, anu worried because of the racial issue raised. do not in any wise seek to min imize the importance of the issue in- volved in the closing of the Sunday movies; but I do say that it is most un- fortunate to create an antagonism De- tween Jews and Gentiles I am not seek ing to place the blame, but am merely commenting On a situation which has arisen and which will do untold harm unless we Christians show to our Jewish friends that we have the spirit of the Master.
 I for one do not believe that the Jews will vote IS body any more than that the Baptists can be corralled by any sns for any purpose. I have no fear thai they will combine to defeat the wishes
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
A R ANY women of Birmingham

IIWlI have asked me in the last two SVS days about the proposed war time one-piece serge dress, approved by Mrs. Frank vander1ip.
 I wrote of this in story from New York two weeks ago.
 A model of this dress, I understand, will be in Birmingham this week and will probably be shown by some mer- chant here.
 It seems that there has been some trouble because of the fact that the designer of the dress-one dickson by name-had sold the rights to his de- signs to some wholesale firm in New York and this firm had copyrighted or patented it and was eager to hold up all makers for royalty. Hickson him. self had designed the dress and pre- sented it with his compliments to Mrs. vanderlip and her committee of war workers. The firm, however claimed that Hickson had no right to do this under his contract with them.
 Mrs vanderlip and a committee have recently been in Washington endeav- bring to upset this species of graft upon American womanhood.
 # * #
 This war dress-if may be permit ted to talk about women's apparel is to be made in blacks, blues. tans and grays. It is all in one piece and is made to button over in the center like a mans vest There are only two or three buttons to it, in sort of double-breasted effect crossing in the front The buttons can be moved as the woman gets thick or thin. The main point is to have it fit properly about the neck and shoulders.
 The American woman whose son or relative is killed in the war is to wear no crepe or mourning, as we term it today. but is to wear black band on her left sleeve between the shoulder and the elbow, with a grey star upon it for each casualty.
 < # #
 I heard Tom Heflin and Mason of Illinois in one of their daily scraps in the House of Representatives ill Washington last Monday.
 The members of the House very
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

We hope the sober. sensible manhood of this district will set it's face against any campaign which seeks to array class against class. or race against race
 The war has been daily bringing all, classes of our citizenry into closer and friendlier relationships for men and women have been drawn together by common dangers, and softened by com ing side by side who heretofore have been widely separated.
 If we differ, let us try and keep sweet There is no need that any of us should sacrifice principle. Let us stand for the truth as we see it, but in so doing let us be tolerant of those who differ from us. There are some grave plots
 in our municipal life which many of us are anxious to remove, but that does not give us the right to impute unworthy motives to those who are unwilling to help us remove them.
 Only by the harmonious cooperation of the best brains and warmest hearts of all classes, working unseishly for the common good, can our civic, social and moral problems be solved; and there IS a crying demand that we face them in an earnest desire to seek the solution in the spirit of good will and mutual concession; and this can only be done if we forego useless accusations and~ re- criminations.
 The question of Sunday movies is to many worthy Christians challenge to do everything in their power to put stop Do what, to them, is dissertation of the Lords day. They feel very kenly that the city in which they live has permitted the picture houses to operate on the Sab bath They are within their legal and moral right to make protest and close them up if possible.
 There are other citizens who prefer a "Continental Sunday to what they desig- nate Puritan Sabbath" and so they are clamorous that the status quo shall be maintained and are doing what they can to frustrate those who sesN tc put s,n end to the present regime in which the cinemas are permitted to run on the seventh day of the week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
TutwiIer m Institution

"We are so accustomed to gathering at the Tutwiler for luncheons, dinners, banquets and conventions that we have almost forgotten the time when Birming ham was woefully lacking in proper hotel accommodations, said ex-Gov. Emmet O'Neal.
 .It has become one of the city's most useful institutions. I was particularly struck by it's adaptability on Friday night when the efectrochemists were giv- en a dinner in the mezzanine lounge, and adjourned to the ballroom for the hearing of the scientific papers. It makes it easy to entertain guests who come on short notice.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
Bright Outlook
 For the Schools

ID) IRMINGHAM'S public school W system has long been thor oughly organized and progressive, but as the city's growth has been rapid the seating accommodations for pupils have been markedly inadequate. In view of the increased enrolment year by year it has been difficult to keep ahead in the matter of desk |space and equipment. The school au- thorities, in their make-shifts, have done the best they could under the circumstances, but the time has come when Birmingham must provide ample facilities for all it's boys and girls of school age.
 The prospect of having in the near future a $750,000 Central High school and a $250,000 high school for the eastern division-Ensley already has large and modern high school-is enough to fill all Birmingham with a feeling of elation; and when one con- templates the physical expansion in the grammar schools embraced in the general programme to be worked out when conditions are propitious no wonder optimism is predominant.
 The new high schools will become realities in the event the three-mill tax and the million-dollar 5 per cent bond issue are adopted in tomorrow's election. And not only so, but from the three-mill revenue Birmingham will have a large sum to devote to general school purposes.
 That these school measures will carry is taken for granted. It is safe to assume, too, that the majorities will be overwhelming. That any in- telligent, right-minded citizen could vote against the tax, especially when lit is remembered that it will involve no increase in the tax burden, would be we'll nigh unthinkable.
 A practically unanimous vote would reflect high credit upon Birmingham far and wide and would appreciably
 strengthen the public morale. Let's make it unanimous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
LETS KEEP SWEET BUT VOTE-ByF Frank Willis Barnet

of those Christians who seek to preserve them the right as citizens to cast their votes as dictated by their consciences. and am glad to have the Pastors union aisavow any thought or wish to keep them from so doing.
 favor proper Sabbath observance ana will go to the polls tomorrow and cast my vote in the fear of God and for wna. fellow man; but l will not permit myself to be alienated from any one who re- serves the right to vote according to the dictates of his conscience
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
Patriotic Triumph
 In Liberty Loan

TIT HE third Liberty Loan of three
 4 billion dollars as the minimum has been largely oversubscribed. The entire country became aroused and if the campaign dragged in some sec tions at the start there was no lack of enthusiasm anywhere when the final drive was made.
 It has been great patriotic triumph. Individuals, banks and cor porations were fully alive to the vital character of the Liberty Loan and the fact that these government securi- ties are widely held by all classes and conditions of American people is as significant as it is gratifying.
 Birmingham, as usual, scored a splendid achievement. It subscribed three million dollars or more above it's quota, and the Birmingham zone in raising upwards of nine million dollars has made marvellous record. Harry w. Coffin, as chairman of the Greater Birmingham committee; Fred M. Jackson, as chairman of the Bir- mingham zone, and Mrs. Solon Jacobs, as state chairman of the woman's
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
NOT DANGEROUS

NOT DANGEROUS
 While you were out west did yon meet with any typical bad men?'
 q should say so! I spent a week in camp full of the toughest customers you ever saw--real cowboys who spentl most of their time firing pistols and careering on their bronchos at break neck speed"
 Didn't you tremble for your life?" q was a trifle uneasy at first, but when I saw how motion picture direc-. tor bullied those fellows, 1 plucked up' considerable courage PAUL. COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

who enjoy music wished they had never come.
 The commission has done a fine thing in building the amphitheatre, but it will be like throwing away the city's money if the best of order is not maintained
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

CetilpdlSH, Wofheu WlloIe-hedl Iouiy and with prodigious energy and are entitled to and will receive unstinted praise.
 $. < #
 An Iowa woman is collecting shirt tails of famous men to be made into kitchen aprons and auctioned off for the Red Cross Anybody who buys one of MT. Taft's shirttails should be able to use it as tableclofh in an emer- gency.
 Times have changed. The man who used to take his liquor straight and would have stared in blank amaze ment if anybody had asked him to have limeade, now follows his host meekly to the soda fountain and mur- murs. I'll take the same"
 ss * *
 If Geraldine Farrar had been able to sing "The Star -Spangled Banner in every large city in America. sub scriptions to the Third Liberty Loan might have aggregated something like SIS, 900, 900. 900.
 American soldiers say German shock troops acted as if they were crazed by drugs. That may have been the eff feet caused by listening to a bonn bastic speech from the Kaiser.
 # < #
 There isn't much wear and tear at tached to a German peace offensive" but it doesn't seem to make any bet ter progress than "knocko3 offen- sive"
 "Chica go's surviving morning papers are not the best of the lot" says the New York World. Has the World never heard of "The Worlds Great est Newspaper" Civilian clothes are to be made plainer next year, say the style ex- perts. Iris we'll. But possibly some latitude will be allowed motion pie ture stars.
 Roanoke claims a nephew of Gen. eral Foch. who is a baker. There isn't apt to be any ground glass in the 1 loaves turned out by Victor Faturos # x y Observing the way Secretary Baker :, calls for men. and more men, you'd never suspect that he used to be a pacifist.
 l Most of the war correspond ents wise ly do not attempt to describe the pres ent war. They say it's indescribable and let 1t go at that. < < < According to late reports a great deal of railroad transportation has re- gently been sold to denizens of Phila- delphias underworld * * < When William and Charles meet il won't require an expert crystal gazer ! to foretell which one of those mon- archs will do most of the talking. ! $: < < l It would be a tragedy for a male /, baby named after General Pershing tc grow up and become a soda wate, l jerlSer or ribbon clerk ! * < * l 'Iet Us Proceed With Care" is tho title of an editorial in the esteemed Macon Telegraph. Those words arc never used by motormaniac l * < < In the good old days before tn, war, news was so scarce that Siam. 1 csc prince could come to America ant i get all kinds of publicity. * < <
 "Eat potatoes. They are cheaper Would advise the author of that ad vice to consult any restaurant bill o i fare.
 |
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
A. MAY SONG

A MAY SONG The road of life is a long, hard road' A rugged road to travel, And many the tangled skeins or late A mortal must unrayei. Yet. the sun shines warm on wooded
 slopes
 And mountain ril1s are dancing To the sea, with many a siivered pool, Where the morning rays are glancinE. And there's a softness in the breeze And the fields with blooms are smil- This time O year there's a world O
 cheer
 For a weary hearts beguiling.
 SUCCESSFUL PRACTITIONER "There goes an eminent specialist. It costs you s1o to spend 10 minutes with him."
 well, he gets results. doesn't her" "Yes-he gets the BIO.
 EXCHANGE OF CIvILITIES My friend" said the motorst who had just bumped into a pedestrian. I'm afraid you don't know how to take a joke"
 I'll. concede that your car is joke" replied the pedestrian in acid tones, but I'm not in receptive mood this morning for that kind of humor."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord, con- tent me to let Thee build me, while I do Thy work md look into Thy face. May I find Thy work in every useful task. May | find Thy face in nature, in man, in my own soul, in Thy Book and in Jesus Christ. Amen.-H. NJ. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
TO KEEP A TRUE LENT

y Robert Herrick. Is this 8 fast to keep The larder lean,
 And clean From fat of veals and sheep? Is it to quit the dish Of flesh, yet still
 to fill The platter high with fish?s Is it to fast an hour. fr ra~ged to go, Or show A doHncast look, and sour? No; 'tis fast to dole Thy sheaf of wheat
 And meat Unto the hungry soul. It is to fast from strife From old debate
 And hate; To circumcise thy life. To show a heart grief-rent. To starve thy sin.
 Not bin; And that's to keep thy Lent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES
2,ej63,uele~

Tt wuzn't me own drinkill' dat wuzN to blame. mum. If de master of de house I wuz robbin' hadn't come home all lit up an tumbled down dc front steps, he wouldn't have walked up de neighbors, an de neighbors wouldn't have walked up de cops an de cops wouldn't have nabbed me as wuz goin' over de backyard fence wid de family silver.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
AN EVENING SCENE IN JOPLIN

From the Joplin, Mo, News-Herald.
 And now in the balmy evenings as the sun, like great ball of fire, sinks be- yond the horizon, leaving q glow of gold;, as the evening zyphers from Turkeyi Creek come to make life one long sweet dream. father occupies the porch easyl chair, watching mother plant the gar Gnp
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
- - " -7-=7=7-- -==-=---- A FRINGE IN PERIL

From the Houston Post.
 1t is reported in Amsterdam that Prince Eitel Frederick came near suffering a severe shell injury last week. A small particle of egg shell got in his windpipe, but it was ultimately elected.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
ENFORCED PARTING

You say you were well thought of in the last place where you worked?' wrist watch and this necklace as pres ents"
 Well! We'll And why did you leave, if you were so highly esteemed? Did you have words with your mistrsss?" No, maam. I didn't have any, but the mistress and the master had words. When it was all over he turned to me and said, Mary, you see what the sit uation is. Good by"
 STERN MEASURES
 Its pretty hard to scold friend wife for extravaganza when she says she only dresses to please you" remarked MT. Gadspur.
 50 it is," replied Mir. Dubwaite, thoughtfully, but if a fellow will get a firm grip on himself he can do it."
 A TALE OF WOE
 Poor man, did drink lead to your downfall?
 "Yes, num-" said Convict No s7.s52 q thought so. You must never drink again"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
LIMITED VOCABULARY

Two adjectives Susannah knows,
 On these she takes her standi No matter how this old world goes, 'Tis either fierce or grand"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1918-05-05
UNJUST To A MURDERER
Kansas City Star.

From the Kansas City Star.
 The man who shot the Archduke Fran cis Ferdinand is reported dead. and the dispatches inform us that he was ''the cause of the war" He may not have been a very good citizen, but it doesn t seem exactly just to confer title on him that belongs to the Kaiser