Evening journal., 1918-02-21

PARIS, Feb 2l.--One Of the horrors
OF the war in France is the French
English conversation book.
It's about the right size to throw at a
cat. and the purchaser carries 10 with
him hopefully until noon OF the second
day. when he leaves it somewhere
with curse on IL: for, OF all the mar
vels Of human inefilciency, the ordinary
phrase book wins the prize
. For the most part, the book tells you
how 10 cay, II you could pronounce 10 .
"Why does the man with the white
horse drive so slowly up the hilly'
or "My Cousin Alphonse, this beautl-
ful day, has read a charming book about
the Illuminated soul"
There Is an actual sample sentence :
"Can you tell me. II you please, where
I can secure cast iron cook stoye?"
There remain two ways to acquire
common, or war. French the academic
and the hand-to-mouth.
The academic method is based on the
verb. and the hand-to-mouth is based
on the noun which makes O radical
divergence RIGHT at the start
The academ'cian takes his Beginners
French Grammar and studies the verb
"av0ir' in all its CHASTITY variations I'M
til his intellect Is gummed
He perhaps knows how to say what
10 do with a thing, but. having no
nodns does not know how 10 say what
20 do 10 with
The hand-iO-mouther acquires a GOOD
lrm grip on one noun, for instance,
aheese" and painfully builds on that
The drawback 10 his method Is that
ne knows the name Of the object. but
having no verbs, does not know how TO
say what TO do with it,
You'll usually ind an academician
and 4 hand-to-mouther In close com
psnlonship. They need each other
They arc at dinner They decide that
tney would like some cheese. The
academician, who is always more showy
we'll call him Boisnd-summons the
waiter. and clears his throat
- aurai," he begins. then remembers
that this msans II shall have and
that they both want cheese.
Nous aurai,' he wrOngfully corrects
himself, while the walter bending at
ientively over them. thougl with
watchful eye on the three adjoining
tables, smiles encOuragingly; ne Is per-
fectly willinc 10 let that trhing error
make no difference between them.
Rolqnd however, feels thai his repu-
'atIon Is at stake. Hes put too much
ilne on the verb "avoir' TO permit him
scif such cartieasness: so he cOlOrs.
ihoueh he tries 10 smile, and clutches
his forelock.
How in thunder does one say 1--WE
shall haver'
Nous" something or other Nous.
IS 1--WE" al right Al II comes 90
him In a flash.
Nous auvrons, sil yous plait' he
again besins, giibly, then brings up
with a sudden stop.
He has forgotten the word for some"
in fact, he can't remember that he ever
did know a word for that: FAR be 70
from him to say leave out anything
he had started 10 put IN. since he Is
perfect so far; far be It from him 10
say merely: I'VE shall have. II you
please. cheeser 20
So he sticks. and turns red behind the
ears. and the hand-to-mouther-well
call him Jim-Crins In ilendish glee. and
the waiter completes the Job by saying
encOuraginely. "Oui. MONSIEUR
Now is the time for Jim 10 como TO
the rescue With a confident smile he
leans back, and looks the waiter calmly
in the brown eye, and says, just Ike
that.
"FrOmace."
"Oui. monsieurr' The waiter turns 20
Jim IN deiizhted relief All He got i'll
Jim swells with pride and Roland
greens with envy.
Just then the waiter pours forth an
unexpected stream Of French, which
sounds lkc one word two yards long,
and waits eNpectanily; even EAGERLY.
The acadcm.cian and the hand-to-
mouther gaze at each other in blank
pe~nlevity.
Jim feebly repeats "fromage" and II
meets with the same success as before
20 far as understanding goes. but it,
brings no cheese
What's he saying ANYHOW; that they
have no cheese that It's forbidden to
sell chez al thishOur, or what?
A little pink comes up in the cheeks
Of Jim
Somehow he feels that his rights as
m American citizen and a soldier are
being infrlnged. so he straishtens,
gla~es. and. with a sweeping gesture Of