Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1918-02-14

A Deacon 5
Deal
By John Boylsn
By John Boylan
i(Copyright. 1917. by the Mcclure Newspa-
per Syndicate.)


II per Syndicate)
Il There is an ancient idea still floating
around that because man is church
deacon he must take the small end
of the bargain when he either buys or
sells. If he trades horses he must
take a blind one in exchange and be
/ thankful that the equine has four legs
to move about on.
! If he makes cider to sell he must
turn out the pure quill, whereas any
! one else is excused for dilution of
five pals of water to barrel.
For about fifteen years Deacon
Goodhue had been governed by the an
cient idea and had been looked upon
as man that would be a leader among
/ the angels, but all of sudden there
came change. He had been think
ing things over, and when he killed
an early fall pig he did not send the
remains around among the nearest ten
families, as had been his wont, and
keep the ears and bristles for his por-
ton. And hereupon the people ex-
\ claimed:
deacon Goodhue has surely back
slid"
"Within month he'll be selling milk
instead of giving it away"
'sHe can't develop such a spirit as
church!''
Deacon Goodhue dug thirty bushels
, of potatoes from his garden that fall,
, and instead of giving away twenty of
: them, and living on turnips after Janu-
) airy, he stored every peck of them, in
his own cellar. Some folks said that
the evil omen had surely got hold Of
him, and some almost excused his sun-
heard and unwarranted conduct by
saying that he was losing his mind.
Whatever il was, he kept right on
springing his surprises. Brother Abb
salon Springtree had sick COW. He
asked a tin peddler to diagnose the
case, and, after looking at her eyes
and twisting her tail, the man looked
wise and said:
."That re COW has got a bad case
of the holler-horn.'
"Shoo! Will she die of it?"
''The chances are nine out of ten
J. that she WILL"
} "What had better do about it?'
/ "Trade her off, and that without a
h days delay. Don't you know of any
l. one around here you can stick?"
) "Um! Why, there is Deacon Good
r. hue?"
"Go for him! !"
The COW was driven over to the
deacons. He stood rod away and
Z looked over and shook his head and
replied:
bad case of the holler-horn."
"But you can cure it,"
ST don't want to. Let her die on
your hands"
That reply went to the parson, and
he was asked to entertain charges.
4 "Was there any cheating on the
: part of the deacon?" he asked.
moo, not skassly."
! '"Then what can he be charged
with?"
''Why, refusing to do neighborly
act!'
. '.You believe in Moses, don't you?'
"Of course parson."
"He was a good man?"
ga mighty good man."
'Ie was the owner of cows?"
Gle was"
"Do you think he would trade 8
- good cow for one with the hollow
- hcrn?'
y. The caller went away disgruntled
$, and the deacon kept right on being
I'll good to himself.
at No deacon has ever been considered
i. good business man, and when 1T wa:
Z. known that Deacon Goodhue wa!
A branching out little it was predicted
that:
- - The eggs he sent to market would
= all addle.
! That the butter would all turf
n frowny.
I'd That the Strawberries would turf
/" sour, and that the calfskins would b,
losing venture.
They went to the parson again, ant
after he mad heard the story he re
Piled:
n, "Oh. / don't know"
=. But you VIII surely talk 10 MN
= "Oh, yes. | will tell him that
IL wished more men Of the world attend
20 ed my church,"
O. "Parson Stebbins!" was gasped.
Is "In which event my salary, poor a
ly it is, would not be from five to ST
r. months behind !"
a Deacon Goodhue was like a dramat
ad list. He worked up to a climax. PEI
On maps it was because he was not
business man that he got Il hint tina
railroad was coming to town. an
- that the site of the depot and re
W. pair shop would just cover what wa
fl the town graveyard There had bee
us talk for years about abandoning til
ON old site for one better located, an
20 the deacon's offer for the land WA