Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1918-01-04

tudL IL WILL ~ paw " SA]o oASssse.SS'
1t may be that bottling some OF the
native ozone would produce equal re-
suits. I have not investigated. But
it is possible that l shall. As Null
berry Sellers was wont to claim,
there's millions in IT. for the one that
can coax hair into bald places with
q few bottles Of North Dakets ozone.
Even admitting that 1t would not de-
liver the goods, it would be fully as
effective as most Of the quack concoc-
lions that are dispensed now with
promise Of bringing forth luxurious
growths where there were none
before
SENATOR Reed charges Mr.. Hoover
with usurpation Of authority in hand
ling the wheat situation. The Ameri-
can people are pretty well agreed that
il Mr.. Hoover will go as far in 5eEu-
lating the prices OF other commodities
as he has done with wheat that he will
have proved himself man measuring
fully up to his job. Let the Reeds
howl until the cows come home. The
| consumer is not concerned with the
manner In which results are got, just
ESQ they are secured.>
NOW the senate military committee
has made the discovery that the Amer
| lean marine is not as warmly clad
as the German in the same branch of
service. If the committee continues
its probing it may yet find that the
German wears his finger nails longer
than does the American and thus is
enabled to do more damage in q
scratching engagement.
SIR Cecil Spring Rice, the British
ambassador at Washington, has been
recalled by his government. He is to
be replaced by some younger man who
will condescend to address an Ameri-
, can without giving him the up and
down through monocle. Sir Cecil,
if we are to believe what we hear,
might be acceptable in some chillier
climate 1t is said he has not thawed
out in the past several years In
Washington.
| A DISPATCH reports that three
persons were overcome by heat in
Pasadena on New Years day. II the
government hadn't taken over con-
troll of transportation facilities one
would be disposed to charge this story
to some enthusiastic railroad passen-
ger agent in search of new business.
, BECAUSE his wife sat on the back
porch clad as Eve every night for three
weeks last summer a Chicagoan has
begun suit for divorce He was the
only man who testified against her.
AN inquiry has proved that there
was no foundation for the report that
German sympathizers had placed
ground glass in the food at Camp
Dodge, Des Moines. We are rapidly
beginning to see through all of these
stories that are started by the friends
of the kaiser. Wouldn't they give one
a pain?
i JEREMIAH A De Turk has just been
commissioned q. lieutenant in the
United States army. Where would you
suggest that he be sent?
A BATTLE Creek food magnate has
Just taken q bride. A reason? or
course. He loves her..
i MRS. Daniels, wife of the secretary
of the navy, AYERS that her husband
does not even know the taste of any
intoxicant. Which prompts L. F. to
/ inquire whether the missus ever de-
tected the odor Of cloves on her hus-
bands breath at any time during their
married life.
! BONAR Law says that he never
heard of Rev. William Sunday. Which
probably will so ruffle the evangelist
that he will refuse an invitation to
! visit Great Britain. Billy makes it q
point never to go any place where
they don't know all about him In ad-
vance and are attuned to the pitch
where they are ready to hurl their
hats in the air at his first appearance.
WHY 10 Theodore Roosevelt a.
lowed to say things against the ad-
ministration that, if said by a common
man in saloon, would bring polish
ing off by any patriot therer asks A.
L. O'Grimes in the Chicago Tribune.
For the very good reason that the
colonel does not make his uncompli-
mentary assertions In q saloon, we
imagine. AS rule he hides behind
some editor.
i 1T is reported that much difficulty
has been experienced recently in Eng
land, chiefly among the poorer classes,
} in obtaining food, but this has been
due to faulty distribution rather than
to lack Of supplies. Over here the
principal reason has been lack OF
cash.
Il PRESIDENT Wilson employed about
. one thousand words IN telling how
the railroads OF the nation should be
operated during the war. A section
foreman would write that much In ex-
} planning the burning of q discarded
box car.
4 HOW about your New Years reso-
buttons? Still keeping EN-!
RULER of Monte Carlo Puts Limit
: on His Power !'-Headline. How
about the table limit?
II THIRTY-three night schools are to
be opened in Chicago next week. With
J the threatened closing OF the cabarets
: those who insist on getting out after
the lights are turned ON will still haye